id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
zUE8dbJV6ibBUblDUFoCry5toEZdRzHS | b5rpuc | {
"description": "considering to break up with my boyfriend over this",
"pronormative_score": 493,
"contranormative_score": 30
} | AITA for considering to break up with my boyfriend over this? | I’m a Middle Eastern girl, and he’s white. When we first met, he told me he’d never date someone of my race but he thinks that I’m cool. I thought it’s whatever, he can be attracted to whoever he wants. Eventually, he asked me out and I said yes. We’ve been dating for 3 months now.
Last night, we were hanging out and he jokes that ‘it’s nice to have a submissive woman around’, because I come from a traditional family. I didn’t think it was funny. I told him that he’s being racist and disrespectful. He told me to lighten up and I’m being petty over nothing
Is it rational to break up over this or am I being too petty?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 471,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 22,
"INFO": 19
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 493,
"WRONG": 30
} | RIGHT |
SfYfrNoxg7b4lSzX7DlNaDpEsgFkeOHy | 9wuj28 | {
"description": "being a Virgin while my Girlfriend is not",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA Im a Virgin while my Girlfriend is not. | Let's start off fast, my gf lost her virginity at 14 to a 17 year old she didn't know all that well. He used her for her body. And this is the one and only time she has had sex.
While she is the person I lost my first kiss too. I have had no other relationships. When we started to REALLY talk she told me she was a virgin and I completely believed it and I was excited a little (because it's always sort of been a cute thought and idea for a sweet couple to lose their virginity together) but a week or two in too our serious relationship her friends leaked that she had sex with a man, she then agreed and said she lost her virginity. I wasn't said "heartbroken". I was just upset that I could achieve the cute connection that was shared between my gf and that guy she had sex with. But I asked her some questions about it and she said she dated him a week and she said that she hated him and all this stuff. But other than that we never brought it up again untill she pulled out and old diary that had a few logs in it.
Now this is where I feel like I'm an asshole. She read this diary and it listed that this guy she had sex with being 17. I never knew that untill this point which is a month or two into the relationship. But I started to just cry. I don't know why but I did. I was so angry and sorrow. And she went into detail in the situation. They both lived in the same neighborhood and they talked for a couple days and then he molested her on the bus. But she still had the ability to date him and kiss him and have sex with him IN A WEEK. And that was after the bus situation. And I was for some reason ferocious with her. I couldn't and can't help myself, but I will get back to that.
After all that she went into detail about how much she hated him and that eased things for a while. Untill a couple months later when she said their was an entire different side of the story where she ACTUALLY LOVED HIM. And I yet again broke out in tears and rage. I didn't even know what to think. I was so fucking jealous and sad that I couldn't experience that kind of love. Then she went into detail about what happened in the sexual situation and now, I can't get that thought out of my head. When I'm doing homework, boom their. Showering, boom there. It's always their and I hate it so fucking much.
She lied about her feeling for him. And her virginity. And I can't get that idea out of my head.
And I'm so damn jealous that this molesting monster got to take this amazing girls virginity within a week of hanging out with this girl rather than me and hers full year.
Am I the asshole? Am I a dick for wanting to take this girl's virginity to myself because I love her so much and I thought it would be cute and romantic? Am I a prick for being jealous of this guy's opportunities?
If no/yes please don't hold back
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
8KIJbUQqWJillWyp5mrRB6jaiRd8mV9o | anv4e5 | {
"description": "insisting my coworker gets called out for being a grade a bigoted jerk when my store is dealing with a lot of other tense stuff",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for insisting my coworker gets called out for being a grade A bigoted jerk when my store is dealing with a lot of other tense stuff? | hi yall, first post here. i made a post a while ago in r/relationship_advice but since then nothing has really happened for better or worse. i’ll try to keep things short but i admittedly kinda suck at that so tl;dr at the bottom.
my coworker (27 F) is entirely two-faced. she is really kind and sympathetic in front of me, buying gifts for my pets, chatting about video games and netflix shows, yknow generally being cool with each other. but somewhere along the way she started saying REALLY nasty things behind my back. it started with petty high school level crap like scribbling down notes that i’m ugly or that i smell and all that, and if it were just that i’d be fine. not like i haven’t gotten bullied before. but recently it turned from pettiness to bigotry after she purposefully made a horribly transphobic remark about me in front of another coworker (who happens to be a friend of mine). said coworker told me as soon as i returned to work the following day.
after a few times confronting my bosses about it, they’ve said the same thing every time: that it will be taken care of. but i don’t think it ever does get taken care of. at most she gets a slap on the wrist and a lecture about respecting your coworkers, and then a few weeks later i start hearing the insults again. i think she is starting to feel that she can’t get in trouble, since we are a small business with like 8 employees. she’s also a good employee, and never acts out of bounds in front of my bosses, usually offering to help when things get tough or schedules get tight.
she knows that i know what she’s been doing at this point, but whenever we work together (which is often), she pretends nothing happened at all. she still acts really friendly and supportive, which at this point is just infuriating. and when i get snappy or ignore her she acts like I’M the douche!
now i’m just furious and deeply uncomfortable. i tried to be professional for months, but i can feel myself slowly losing my cool. i’m not a confrontational person but somethins gotta give.
buuuut the store is undergoing some pressure from within rn; clashes between grooming and bathing, bathing and staff, staff and staff—morale blows and tensions are high. even though this whole thing has just really messed up my work mood, i hesitate to push that my bosses should do something more that lecture her because it would just make everything more stressful for the rest of the staff.
so, here’s my ultimate question: WIBTA if i kept pushing my bosses about the issue? or took things into my own hands? if she ends up getting fired or having her hours cut, we would be down a person and everyone would have to pick up extra hours until we could find AND train the replacement. with all thats going on i wonder if i should even bother and just take it for the sake of the store.
tl;dr coworker has been harassing me behind my back with everything from high school insults to transphobia, nothing has been done. store is under pressure and i’m not sure if it would be a dick move for me to push for some semblance of justice with everything going on.
also i’m sorry if this sounds stupid as hell; it really is and i just want it to end in a way that doesn’t have me out of a job | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eZIxPQ5HnevzamVcOpvwrFtQ2v84tv11 | b7r123 | {
"description": "\"cheating\" on a math test",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for "cheating" on a math test? | So my teacher was recently replaced by a long term supply teacher right before a test
Many of the students have the tests from last semester as practice, and it is actually encouraged by the math teachers
Coincidentally, the test we did is the exact same as last semesters and I ended up getting a 96.
AITA for "cheating" on my math test because the teacher didn't make a new one? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fFUSGZV6fmooJk3Jnmp3ejPZD3JPYrpl | 9t9ats | {
"description": "taking over childcare duties on my partners designated morning",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking over childcare duties on my partners designated morning ? | Most mornings I am responsible for getting my kids up, lunch packed and getting them to school on time. My job is relatively flexible while my wifes job has a set schedule. Generally, when one person does the morning drop off the other person does the pick up. Over the past few weeks I ended up carrying about 75% of both drop off and pickup, so we decided to designate days. Today was my wife's day to drop off.
This morning as I was about to leave my house to get to work early, I saw that my kids were nowhere close to being ready (no lunch, kids not dressed, school bag not packed) so instead of leaving I spent 30 minutes to get things ready at home. I'm honestly unsure what my wife was doing other than being in the bathroom and making coffee.
By the time my wife was ready it was time the kids time to go to school. There are 2 separate school drop offs, so I did one while she did the other so that she'd be able to make it to her work on time.
I got a phone call after drop off calling me an asshole for taking over and getting the kids ready 'my way'. I acknowledged that I took over but it was because there would be no way for her to handle the entire duties by herself and not be late for work.
I get that by taking over this morning I essentially relayed that I think she could not handle it. But I really don't think she had the situation handled. AITA for not wanting her to fail? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3HZGJIB8kmSv4302sK2eapfRr1cFOpKM | b6s0nx | {
"description": "not wanting to throw away my neighbor's junk mail",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to throw away my neighbor's junk mail? | My neighbor travels quite often, usually every other month for two to three weeks at a time. While she’s gone, she asks me to get her mail, mow her (small) lawn, water her plants, etc. I do it, begrudgingly, even though when I go out of town, I pay a petsitter to get my mail and water my plants, and I don’t need my grass mowed since I’m never out of town longer than a week.
I never ask favors of her but she will often mow my grass before she goes out of town or do other things that I don’t ask of her. She’s one of those people that will tell you she did something for you instead of simply doing it and not expecting recognition. Most of the things she does, I don’t notice. She recently power washed “my” sidewalk but I didn’t even notice as it’s not my property or responsibility. She also told me she pulled a couple weeds from my yard, even though they weren’t close to her property line. They were “bugging” her. Basically, I don’t need her help but she relies on me when she goes out of town.
She just informed me that she’s going on vacation for quite a while and asked me to do the things mentioned above. She was very specific this time about how I should handle her mail: she wants me to get rid of all the catalogs and other junk mail before I give it back to her. She’s asked this of me before, I did it once, and quit doing it because why should I take my time to sort through her mail when she could do it herself? I lied and told her that I didn’t feel comfortable doing it because I might get rid of something she wanted. She told me not to worry about it and that she didn’t want to come home to a month’s worth of mail. I’ve suggested before to her that USPS will hold your mail but she tried it and said it was a huge hassle to pick it up.
AITA for not wanting to take a couple minutes to get rid of her junk mail, which will make things easier on her when she gets back into town?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BwofJPPvinOQONV4v2fIuyJLyfQ5K5uO | ahli2t | {
"description": "not telling my roommate what happened to his cat",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not telling my roommate what happened to his cat? | Ok, Im really conflicted here. Around in, August one of my roommates and his girlfriend (who doesn't live with us all) got a cat, and they decided to leave it here without telling anyone else in the house. I don't care, I love cats so it wasn't a problem.
The problem is he never takes care of his cat beyond feeding it and cleaning its litter box. I will give that to him he never starves him. But he never plays with him either, and he always has all this energy and there's only 2 or 3 cat toys in the house, and I bought one of them! Most of the time he isn't even at the house, he's at his girlfriends house, where he'll be for days at a time leaving his friend who lives here to take care of his cat. When he is here he's playing video games or watching TV, and when the cat is asking for attention he usually just yells at him.
The worst was New Years. I was the only one at the house during the few days around New Years, and one day I got back from work and realized he had left his cat locked in his room while he was at his parents house.
Whenever anyone comes over the cat always runs to them begging for attention, which he usually ends up getting from my friends or one of my roommates gfs who likes the cat.
Anyway, this one girl I know is a huge animal rescue/rights person. She hates the way he treats his cat and told me multiple times she's gonna take him. I don't know 100% because I haven't asked her, but I'm about 95% sure she took his cat. The other 5% is he might have negligently killed it and is lying about it. When he asked me if I knew I said I had no idea and helped him look for his cat. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
wxnaLTVVQWWNPcCFN05TI0SF2uD4Hd2F | b5vz9p | {
"description": "telling my mum I'd pay for her phone bill next month",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my mum I'd pay for her phone bill next month? | First time poster, and a mobile user.
First off, a bit of backstory:
Every tuesday I stay late at my school and have some extracurricular activities; meaning that my mum will pick me up at school.
Lately, she has been calling my phone whenever she is near the school so that I wouldn't take long to come out and go to my car. But last week, she basically screamed at me for answering the phone, telling me that I was wasting her phone balance, and then told me to not answer and just hang up the phone from then on.
Today, I stayed at school like usual, and waited for my mum to come pick me up. Like always, she called my phone, but I had forgotten that I shouldn't pick up the phone, so I did. But as soon as it happened I remembered and so proceeded to hang up.
When I got to the car, she was really mad at me, and started freaking out because I was wasting/spending her phone balance. I, not wanting for her to be mad, told her that then I would pay for her bill next month because I had made her waste her balance. (Even though I made her waste only $200 COP [0.064 USD])
She then just started freaking out even more, yelling at me, telling me that I was an ungrateful idiot, and that I mustn't try to humilliate her. She said that I shouldn't be such a dick just because I had made some money selling stuff at school (I don't get an allowance and everything I buy I buy with my money) and that I was being an ungrateful prick, all the while she seemed like she was in the verge of tears.
It wasn't my intention to humilliate her or anything like that. I just wanted to try and make things right, I guess. I just wanted to at least repay her for wasting her time. But she didn't take it well.
I didn't even give her sass or a bitchy tone. I just wanted to repay her.
TL;DR: My mum gave me hell for answering the phone when she called me, and when I offered to pay her phone bill for next month, she said I offended and humilliated her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1JZAhTk0vsrejMnX8xlpccJZoW4G9N4B | b33hhc | {
"description": "thinking about breaking up with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking about breaking up with my gf? | So, back story...
When we first got together, I was in a vulnerable place. I just came out of an abusive relationship. The first year and a half, everything was good. After a day of raking and burning leaves, the wind kicked up that night and blew some of the embers into the garden that was right against a side of the house. My house burnt down. With no where to go, due to the constant fighting with my granddad, I moved into her place with her parents/grandparents. Her parents took care of her grandparents. I had absolutely nothing except a car, and the clothes on my back. So I worked on establishing myself again. This is when I felt the tension and a bit of uncertainty appearing. After thinking about it, I'd come to realize it's because we were in our early 20's and we hadn't gotten any time to work on just us, cause of her super dependent family always wanting her attention. So we finally get to a place where we can move out into a house with 2 of our best friends.
After a year, everything was going good again, but thats when it all started to get hard again.
Both of her parents grew sick. Her mother: renal failure. Her father had a stroke. With no other choice, I decided we should moved back in to help out around the house. She agreed. Then her father died. That same year, her mother broke an ankle and busted her knee real bad from a fall, so she couldn't walk anymore, so she became dependent on us due to muscle atrophy. The next year, I lost both of my grandpas. Including the one I had lived with and had been my support even if no one else would. After some processing and kinda learning to cope with my misery, I actually started to think about everything that had happened in the past years. I couldn't figure out if I had still loved her and was supporting her because I love her or if we had an impossible situation that I'd be an ass for walking away on. I tried to talk to her to talk to her about the situation but we didn't get far.
Then, her grandma died. Everything got put on halt again and I did the same thing I've always done. Tried to support everyone. After almost another year, the thoughts have come back, but now, because of 4 different funerals in a 3 year time span, we've both accumulated a LOT of debt that we're trying to get the reigns on again. I'm having thoughts of trying to find a good stopping point and trying to talk to her about this and how I feel and maybe I'm just filled with anxiety and it's making me want to retreat or if I'm actually looking at it from a reasonable standpoint. I mean, between my work schedule, her work schedule, her mother's dialysis schedule, her grandfather's everyday routine and everything in between, we get maybe get 2 hours to spend together every 3 or 4 days.
I don't want to sit and wait to try and wait for everything to "get better" whether it's because someone else passes or something, and find out that I had lost feelings along the way. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fj4mTRKHvFCoIzYFHqrom0xIt5sr8gvt | aou5jw | null | AITA: My friend keeps sending me snapchats of my ex fiancé drinking with our group of friends. Am i the asshole for telling her to stop? | I was engaged about 5 or 6 years ago, and the relationship ended badly. He was a functioning alcoholic who turned everyone against me and constantly told me that everyone hated me, all while getting closer and closer to my "best friend"/ his brother's girlfriend. Anyways I'm sure you can gather what happened next, long story short there was a lot of hurt and it took me a long time to get over it.
He was never part of our friend group prior to our relationship and now, even before he and my EX best friend were "official", he is a permanent fixture.
That's fine, some people aren't good together, some people are. I think for the pain and trauma I suffered during (and after) that relationship and I'm handling it pretty well. It's easier again that I now live in a different town, far away, with my new boyfriend who is truly the love of my life. (That's the best revenge isn't it?)
So, Friday night boyfriend and I decided to stay in and watch movies together. I check my phone and open up snapchat to find a "chat" from a friend at home. How nice to be thought of by my friends on a Friday night.
Except, it is a picture of her and the girl, followed by a picture of her and my ex fiancé. The entire group is out for drinks apparently but the only photos I received were photos of my friend posing with the two people in the group I no longer associate with.
If this was the first time, I would have ignored it. It was also kind of shitty that it was a chat. So, she sent the photo out, realized she didn't send it to me and went back and sent it through chat. Even if it wasn't, it's not like there's a "select all" function, she has to purposely select my name each time she sends me their photo. However there has been several Saturday mornings where I woke up to several snapchat of JUST my ex fiancé drinking and dancing with my friends. I feel like the only time I hear from my friends is when this is happening.
I'm trying to be cool with everyone being friends, and although it probably doesn't sound like it, I'm over their relationship. I just find it really strange that this "friend" ONLY sends me photos with him in it? I know I can't control their presence in social media, and that's fine, but why would you send it directly to me on snapchat?
Anyways I made a sarcastic comment "wow thanks tell [their names] I said hi". And she got all butthurt and replied something along the lines of, "jeez sorry, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm drunk it's not a big deal"
To which I replied "lol no sweat"
Anyways of course I felt bad that I had to be sarcastic and messaged her this morning
"Hey girl didn't mean to get so sour with ya on snap last night, was having a shit week and didn't really want to end it off lookin at snaps of [people]😅
I know we're all still in the same group of friends, and that's fine, but I'd rather not have their faces sent directly to my phone, lol. Anyways hope you enjoyed your night 👍"
She hasn't responded. I don't expect them not to be friends with eachother, I just asked not to be sending those photos to me directly. Am I the asshole? If not then, why do I feel like one?
Sorry for formatting I'm on mobile.
Tl;dr
My friend keeps sending me snapchats of my ex fiancé and the girl he cheated on me with (who also used to be my best friend, how fun). I feel like it's the only time I hear from her, and now that I made a sarcastic comment about it she won't talk to me and I feel like an asshole.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zW3sR4kqafPGkJAUwh9cxcZ6pOV5jhuf | 9t5tav | {
"description": "wanting my seat back",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my seat back? | So, about a year ago, my school was having a “Play-back night”, basically Lip-Sync Battle but without the “battle”. They were just a bunch of fifteen year olds dressing up as celebrities and acting like they sung. At the event, they were selling pozole (mexican soup) and I knew buying some was a bad idea as soon as they served it in a ceramic bowl. The table where they were selling it was very far away from the show, so if I wanted to watch it and be with my friends I was gonna have to take the bowl full of scalding liquid to my seat.
I sit down, try to eat, but it’s too cold. Meanwhile, a 3 year old kid was making his way through the row of seats, supporting his body on the legs of the audience. I hadn’t noticed him until he put his hands *in* my pozole. He fell down, pouring the entire thing over himself and my legs. I was kind of pissed off but the kid didn’t know better (what was he doing unsupervised, I do not know).
I told my friends to watch my seat as I went to the restroom to clean up and check wether the burns were serious or not (they weren’t, thankfully). When I came back there was this 50ish year old lady sitting in my seat. I asked my friends something along the lines of “WTH guys?” But they just said she ignored them when they told her the seat was occupied. I told the woman “Excuse me, you’re in my seat. I just went to the restroom”. She goes on about how she is very old, while I’m in my prime, and how chivalry has been lost. How, back in her day, kids would gladly give up their seats to elderly people (I should clarify, she was *not* that old).
If she had apologized and gotten up I would’ve let her stay there, or if she had asked me for it, or if I had seen her looking for a chair, but she took it like she owned the school and was not willing to give it up, so I stood my ground. She then threaten to call the principal, so I had to back down (the principal would automatically take her side because the woman was a parent).
Am I wrong for thinking she should’ve given me the seat? It wasn’t even my fault I had to get up (though she had no way of knowing that). I was having a pretty rough night, but am I the entitled one? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
B92s8HzDgCd1aETJefkglzsCPwwZ3IAS | aijlo0 | {
"description": "getting into a fight with my ma",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting into a fight with my ma? | TL;DR - I said I didn’t want to eat Mexican food, my ma said I had to pick the restaurant. I didn’t pick and we went home in a bad mood. My ma later commented on how she was hungry because I didn’t pick, I said that it wasn’t my fault, she could’ve picked. She said I should’ve said I didn’t want Mexican earlier, and I got angry because I did say something sooner. Everyone else went out to eat Mexican food, I ate some bagels. Things were tense for a day or so. Was it my fault?
Over the weekend, my parents and I went to the mall and then out to eat. My ma said that she felt like driving by a local Mexican restaurant, and I said that I didn’t really want to eat Mexican food, but we drove there anyway.
We pulled up to the restaurant and there were a fair amount of people there. My parents said it looked like it was going to be tasty, I sighed and grumbled and my ma asked me what was wrong, and I just said that I really didn’t want Mexican food. She said that if I didn’t want Mexican food, I should have to pick the restaurant. There are few things I hate more than picking the restaurant, so I said that I didn’t want to pick the restaurant and she said that if I didn’t pick, we’d leave without eating out. I said that I didn’t want to pick, and we left the parking lot, and started the way out of the town. The car ride home was tense and silent.
When we got home, I was looking around for food because I was still hungry. My ma brought something up about her being hungry because we didn’t eat, and said it was my fault. I told her that we could’ve still ate out, I just didn’t want to eat the Mexican. She told me I shouldn’t have waited until we got there to say something, so I got mad and said that I did say something, she just didn’t notice. My ma said that I should’ve picked a different restaurant if I was going to be bitchy about the food. My parents and my brother went to a different Mexican restaurant for dinner, brought back leftovers, I ate bagels, and that was that. Things were tense because of my “attitude” for a day or so, everything’s dandy now.
But, I have to know. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but the rest of my family did. Was I the asshole? Was the fight my fault?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
ithsNLayLERSUdJdex9d89MeLr51BpNl | amh5i1 | {
"description": "taking ferry seats",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking ferry seats? | This happened a week ago. I'm kind of feeling anxious about this even though my friends reassured me I did nothing wrong. I just wanted reddits opinion.
Last week, my friend (Rob) and I visited Victoria, B.C., and we came back to Vancouver on a ferry that was absolutely full. It was the most popular crossing time back home and throughout the duration of the crossing, the steward kept making announcements to please remove jackets and bags from seats because people have no where to sit. Stupidly, my friend and I decided to eat before finding a seat. Once we were done, we walked around the ferry, all levels, trying to get a seat with no luck. Finally, we came across a row of seats that were empty, with 2 books taking up seats right in the middle. In my brain, this meant that those 2 middle seats are "reserved" by someone, so my friend and I took the seats on the sides (aisle and window). We both thought this would be fine, as we left the "reserved" seats empty. 20 minutes later, a couple comes by. I was reading, Rob was sleeping. I heard them talk (not English) so I looked up at them and then they asked me why we took their seats. I haaaate confrontation as I have pretty bad social anxiety. I politely told them that my friend and I were looking for seats and we took the 2 that were empty. They are welcome to return to the 2 seats they reserved. Then they told me that they had in fact reserved all 4 seats and that their friends are coming back. I apologized again, but I said I wouldn't move because:
1. Only 2 of 4 seats were "reserved".
2. There were 4 people in their party, they couldve left someone behind to guard their seats. They brought their food and drink over to the seats so it's not like they just went to eat in the cafeteria area of the ferry. They were going to eat in their seats.
3. Rob and I walked over 20km that day, I wasn't going to walk all over the damn ferry again. It was too cold to sit outside.
I would appreciate your opinion.
Sorry for the wall of text, am on mobile.
| HISTORICAL | {
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g9KmWvwNudw5HErUUCK0cdMOKk9hUOLJ | axqacp | {
"description": "making my friends cheating known to their partner",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for making my friends cheating known to their partner? | Just so you know I’m on mobile. Sorry for any formatting issues.
Basically I saw my mate cheat on his girlfriend of 10 months with some random woman at one of his gigs. He’s in a band and performs away from home at least once a month. I happened to be at one of his away performances in January of this year and saw him cheat. He even confessed to me over text everything that went down.
In February I then met his gf and I felt super bad for knowing what I did. I asked my friend 3 or 4 times to come clean but he refused. So I asked him a final time, he said no, so I told his gf myself. Of course he knew it was me and got pissed that I didn’t give him a heads up so he could prepare.
I’ve told people in my life this story and have gotten both “well done” and “you’re a cunt”. Just thought I’d see what reddit has to say. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 58,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 58,
"WRONG": 17
} | RIGHT |
vQifFYnjYxHl5Xw1V2lyEgFurN4qiDM8 | b8heww | {
"description": "telling a girl at work that she needed deodorant",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling a girl at work that she needed deodorant? | Last week I was working the weekend with a really nice girl (we work at a bar in a theatre). On Saturday we closed around 10:30 p.m. and she went to a party straight afterwards. The next day, the shift startet at 2 p.m. and she had just woken up, and not having had the time to go home came straight from the party. So she was wearing the same clothes (about which the manager had told her that she needed to dress a bit more nicely and in black for work) as the previous day and just smelled like sweat (and alcohol, but that's not really something she can control). So she got to work, went past me and told me that she just came from that party, which is when I realised she smelt bad. So I asked her in a laughing voice, if she had some deodorant with her, to which she replied "Oh no. Why? Do I smell?" And I said "Yeah, but I don't have any deodorant either, so I guess we'll just have to muddle through". Again, as I said that I was laughing and I perceived it as a friendly exchange. However, later another colleague said that the girl had told her that I had said that she smells and the colleague told me that I was a bit too honest and that it was kinda rude. I, however, think that when someone makes the decision to stay out all night and then come to work without even a change of clothes that that is kinda inconsiderate for your co-workers and guests. So AITA for calling her out on it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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58MlSvTCzkVmcV6iNH849PETTkb48z9d | b81ck3 | {
"description": "getting mad at old lady just moving MY stuff",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for getting mad at old lady just moving MY stuff? | This is not that serious but am I the asshole for getting mad at strangers moving my bag?
I take public transport (train) every day to and from school. If there’s space I always place my bag on the seat besides me because it was expensive and I take really good care of my things. I would move it in a heart beat up on my lap if anyone wants to sit there or is just looking at the seat. No problem. But having a huge bag on the lap for 40 minutes kinda suck when the train isn’t full anyway.
This older lady just came over, grabbed my bag and swung it into my lap. I gave her a “wtf are you doing touching my shit” look as I took it from her and I’m still annoyed af. It’s not that serious. A bunch of people do this, I myself ask politely if I can sit down when people put their bag besides them. She might as well have thrown it at me. Am I the asshole here?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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nk9RE0oT7v4i1yGCAiLgMsbMOZOsXUKU | a6mgnr | {
"description": "getting angry with my so",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry with my SO? | So we have been together for a few years now, and we know basically everything about one another; even the nitty gritty. Well, tonight we went to a friends house and played board games. One of the games asked the question "have you ever slept with someone on the first date" and I answered yes. She was totally shocked at this, not sure why, but whatever.
So on the ride home, she asked me if I actually did and I said yes, I didn't lie. She has the lowest opinion of men, assuming all they want is sex and will do anything to get it. However in the one instance I had sex in the first date, I didnt initiate at all. It was the womans call, she did everything. I was 20, she was attractive...wasn't about to say no, right?
In my SO's head, I apparently lead this girl on or something when it was the complete opposite. When we got home, I was visably angry. Someone I've been with for years wont even hear my side or believe me at all. So I said "because the person I've shown you isn't who I really am."
She jumped out of the car and ran inside. I left to stay with a friend. AITA for any of this? Or should my annoyance and anger feel justified? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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"RIGHT": 6,
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FPFWH6BZFRxFGiUkPwW3ldwefJPrD8Sq | aermt9 | {
"description": "telling the truth to a toxic friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling the truth to a toxic friend? | (I'm sorry if this is pretty long. It's been bothering me for a while so I decided to finally post it here.)
Our friend group has someone who gets triggered by the littlest things. Let's call her A. We are usually okay with A's behavior, even if she does get too emotional sometimes.
She had a fight with one of our friends and I, being one of the calmer ones of our group decided to be their mediator. I do not normally pry into other people's affairs but their fight is going so bad, it's affecting everyone. A is inciting drama and is purposely trying to catch attention of other people so it would seem that we are isolating her, which is very far from the truth. It went from her fighting with one of our friends, to her saying she's mad at all of us for "being fake friends".
She says we're purposely isolating her, that she doesn't fit in and she feels ignored, when it was her who leaves our hangouts without texting us and gets angry at us if we do not immediately know she's not doing fine. She also gets sad when we don't talk to her, but when she is with other people, she usually leaves our group and does not even tell us where she's going so her valuables sometimes gets left behind like her phone and we have no idea what to do sometimes when someone calls and she's not available to answer her phone. The longest her valuables was left in our care was for the entire weekend. It's usually a do or die situation on who's gonna be taking care of her things and would shoulder the burden of her sermons about us not returning it to her when she forgot about it.
One time, we were all so busy with research and we're all in the library, trying to finish our requirements earlier than the deadline. All of us decided to grab a bite to eat because we haven't eaten all day; she declined the invitation saying she still has to work on her project. We all agreed and asked her what she wanted to have and we'll order takeout for her.... Which I thought was fine until she suddenly got really mad and caused more drama saying she was left behind again.
But that's not really what I'm gonna ask about.
So that thing with the library became the trigger for an even bigger fight with her and our friend, our friend was the one who decided to apologize instead but A was the only one who felt better about the confrontation. Cue in her telling us how we're all horrible people and how we're so childish and immature that we basically couldn't function without her who's older than most of us. Everyone was really silent, one of our friends who have anxiety couldn't sleep because the situation is bothering her so much. But the last straw which made me finally confront her was her calling me "heartless" and my friend "weak" because we couldn't understand her.
I was very calm when I talked to her, I told her what she's doing is not okay. But before I can even suggest we have a heart to heart talk later after our classes, she made an outburst and caught everyone's attention. We were at the public library then and she started bawling her eyes out. I told her we can talk about this somewhere more privately, but she refused to listen and cried even more, then walked away.
We eventually smoothed things out with her, or so I thought.
Months after, she posted a public status namedropping me being a "jerk" and surprisingly, my friend who she initially had a fight with was siding with her. I just found the situation funny because I was just the mediator between the two of them and they're making me the bad guy for telling her the truth. I was more disappointed with that friend who I confided on. I told her I don't do really well with A because she is too emotional for me and she actually snitched me.
The whole situation is confusing the remaining people of our friend group. I asked them if I really came off as a jerk when I talked to her but all they're saying is that I was very calm when I talked to her. And oh, it turns out A wanted to make it a bigger issue by telling the Dean of our school that she's being bullied.
P. S. I gave friend A and B a private message telling them to take the post down and talk to us in private instead of their issues with us, which they fortunately complied.
Tldr: Friend A is very emotional and sensitive, she usually tells us how horrible friends we are to her. I was a mediator of a fight between friend A and friend B. Friend A said I was a jerk for telling her that her behavior isn't okay. Friend B is a snitch and told friend A that I can't handle friend A too well because of her sensitivity. Friend A took this as an offense and made a public status about how a horrible person I am and how fake me and our friend group is.
I just want to graduate in peace. So can I ask you guys... AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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JrDSqnjB6XOEMXDsfTYs7VNmJIIXlEyR | am6x4a | {
"description": "not going to my grandfathers birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going to my grandfathers birthday? | My grandfather was physically abusive to my father and it scarred him (my father) for a life. My grandfather didn't show it to my 13th birthday, which was very important to me. My mother told me, since he was an a-hole in the first place, that we won't show up for his 70th birthday either. My grandfather loves me, but after i put all the pieces together from my family's history, i started to hate him. | HISTORICAL | {
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9ZPKcKt2nepabwvDCtNZk4t799GgzjuP | ah39zr | {
"description": "getting annoyed at my housemate for waking me up before 7:00am",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for getting annoyed at my housemate for waking me up before 7:00am? | A bit of background, I have a lodger/friend who has lived with me for just over a year now. I come from a semi-rural childhood home, very quiet, and they used to live very close to a hospital, so are used to the noise etc. My house is near a trainline and it takes me a while to get to sleep these days, at least an hour every night. I've asked my housemate to not make a lot of noise when they get up in the morning, which is usually around 6:30am every morning and hours before me.
​
The past couple of nights i have been woken up to the sound of a HAIRDRYER well before 7am. This obviously wakes me up, My housemate says that "rent isn't cheap, I should be able to make as much noise as I like". Whereas my stance is "Just coz you can sleep through sirens, doesn't mean you can use your hairdryer and wake me up". Who's right? | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | WRONG |
TjQqROek1zv6jQ1GX6VGBtHXzkEaRlU2 | ahiv3s | {
"description": "not picking up a coworker's shift due to D&D",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not picking up a coworker's shift due to D&D | I work at a small place where there are few employees and it is customary to help each other out with filling shifts. A coworker needed me to fill a morning shift for them due to complications with their other job. I (meekly) declined because I have my Friday night Dungeons and Dragons campaign the night before this early shift. It is hosted at my place and we all look forward to it all week. It is one of the few highlights of my week and my only social event. I feel really bad about not helping my friend because of D&D, but did I really act unaccordingly? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
UNGGBHCBKMg7ib7ZZTIqgOPSfnpxGcVs | as2mt4 | {
"description": "not wanting to get my sex toys from the sex shop that my SO's friends work at",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to get my sex toys from the sex shop that my SO's friends work at? | Me and my girlfriend have been trying new things in bed, and one thing she wanted to try is toys. Of course I was fine with it and we go to this store she "heard" about. We walk in and our two friends are behind the counter. I immediately feel uncomfortable but walk in anyway. The whole time I'm silent and not really showing interest in anything because I can feel eyes digging into the back of my head.
We leave without buying anything and my girlfriend Starts questioning me. She asks why I didn't show interest or get excited about anything if I was OK with getting toys. I told her that it made me completely uncomfortable that are friends worked at the place we were trying to buy things for us in bed.
She completely understood which I love her for, but when she told her friends she told me that they said things like "He only doesnt want to because of his fragile masculinity" or "I dont understand why it's so weird, we are really open with our sex life.
It's not that I'm don't wanna be open about my sex life, it's that I don't think our friends need to know what we're using to fuck each other with but when I brought it up to them they got really pissy with me and started calling me mysoginostic since I wouldnt let my girlfriend buy toys from the shop they work at.
My girlfriend is on my side with this whole thing but am I really an asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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P9p3pqeWbEo6Ydt5uOu4OF6gL1MkfNQk | a2et95 | {
"description": "ditching my friend in an abusive relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ditching my friend in an abusive relationship? | When I met her I’d just escaped my own abusive partner and I thought I could be a role model. Fast forward a few years, a lot of drama that she’s dragged me into, and her refusing to leave despite many opportunities, I’m sick of her shit. She would rather stay in the relationship and play games and they are BOTH fucking insane. She puts me in the middle of their fights and now I’m paranoid of her hostile boyfriend.
So now, when she texts me for support or to bitch about her relationship, I ignore it. If she wants to chat about fun normal stuff that doesn’t stress me out or put me in danger, I’ll answer. Honestly if we didn’t have so many entanglements I’d ghost her. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YiLn9XLSiy8z8INEacFbjIJ2Oc1Bx0oZ | b9gumj | {
"description": "blowing up on my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for blowing up on my friend | Only have a short time to post this for now, but will respond to questions later. Throwaway because any one of my friends will immediately know who I am based on this post.
My group of friends has one girl who is (imo) pretty disrespectful. Late to everything and doesn't care about other people's time. Claims she's always broke but her parents pay for pretty much everything, and it doesn't stop her from going on vacations, going out to the bars all the time, doing a lot of fun activities.
To give you an example we were all going camping last year, 7 or 8 of us. Most of us have to leave work or school early to get to our meeting spot. She's the only one who didn't have to work that day, and somehow she shows up an hour late. Doesn't apologize, acts like she wants to brush it off. It pissed me off and I blew up on her, but my friends seemed to think I was overreacting.
Recently we had a pot luck game night. She shows up late, empty handed, because "She already ate". Well, I'm not sure how that precludes you from the responsibility of bringing something for the rest of us since you agreed to the pot luck, but okay. Anyway, within a few minutes, she starts loading up her plate. Initially I don't say anything, but as I'm getting progressively more drunk and see her eating more of our food, it just pisses me off. My wife and I went to 3 different stores (literally!) to get specific ingredients for the dessert we thought everyone would like, and specific drinks we knew people would like. She has the audacity to show up late, only think about herself, and then eat our food. I blew up. I called her out in front of everybody for being disrespectful and immature. I didn't call her any *insults* or swear at her or say anything that was purely malicious. I just told her, without sugar-coating, and in front of everyone, exactly what I thought.
My friends brushed it off as "she's always been that way, she's not going to change, just drop it, who cares, we don't let her have any input in our plans" etc. I would have thought they'd be on the same page as me; it blows my mind that this late-20s girl isn't expected to be responsible. She always has an excuse and doesn't think there's a problem.
Anyway, AITA? My friends think I need to apologize to her so we can all get together again comfortably. I can apologize but I'm worried nothing will change and I'm not okay with that. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
TjsWyjXB3U1hAWRpizNMrn48xsgCXPf9 | 9zqwjs | {
"description": "snapping at my really negative cousin",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for snapping at my really negative cousin? | My cousin is an odd one.
He's the kind of person who walks past a cemetery and talks about how he can't believe humans still bury their dead. He's the kind of person who knows the age of consent in most Asian countries. He's the kind of person who uses the term "normie" frequently, and condescendingly. He's the kind of person who speaks in obscure 4chan meme terminology and seems frustrated if I just don't get it.
Maybe you get the point by now.
I already have a generally negative view of him. My biggest gripe with him, though, is that he's seemingly impossible to impress. And on top of that he's very condescending to other people's opinions - often going as far as to say that when it comes to things like sports or certain kinds of music, people must just be pretending to like those things. (I don't like sports either, but I'm positive people's love for them is genuine) So whenever I'm around him I basically have to avoid talking about anything I've done or seen recently that I've liked because it will just be met with *"I just don't see how people like that"* or *"how on earth can you stand that?"* with pretty much anything.
Well I had enough of it a few nights ago when he was at my house. I had Lord of the Rings in, and he sat there most of the time just complaining about his job and every single frustrating encounter he had for the past several days, talking almost as if he honestly thinks the world has been set against him. After all, he is the only right person in the world and everyone else is just a mindless sheep. Eventually he looked at the tv and (he didn't know much about lotr) after letting out a frustrated sigh *"Is this just standard high fantasy?"* This was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back for me and I went off.
I don't remember the exact words I used, but basically I told him that you can make anything sound shitty by merely putting the word "just" in front of something. But I continued on (shouting) telling him that I was so sick of hearing everything he said be so negative and condescending, and that he needs to get it through his head that people by and large don't like what he does, and that those people are most likely perfectly fine as they are. He let out a sigh and said "yeah I'm gonna go". That was that.
I still believe the idea of what I was telling him is correct. But I feel somewhat bad about the shouting. I'd never really confronted him about this before, and I feel that in the past I could have just told him something like "yeah I don't know about that, man", and had more discussion about it from there. I think he's convinced I went off on him solely for speaking bad about a movie I liked. While that's not true, I still wonder if my reaction was rather infantile?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
EjvncE4ZpVHID08mZ7eOQtVM36blcA6Y | akjw77 | {
"description": "being aroused when my girlfriend tells me about her sexual assault",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA For being aroused when my girlfriend tells me about her sexual assault. | This isnt a cut and dry issue. Weve been dating for eight months and shes very open about the fact that she was raped by her stepdad when she was young.
She i guess finds it very therapeutic to describe in detail to me what happened over several years. The only issue is when we're alone and she starts talking about it i get aroused like crazy. It often leads into sex.
She has come to terms with it as her wanting to control the situation while still reliving the rapes, so that she has more power over the memory.
However shes recently begun questioning why I get aroused by her stories. After i couldnt answer she says i should go to a therapist because i may have predator like thoughts, which i think is a form of her shaming me even though she participates and starts the sex.
Am i the ass for getting turned on? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
PWmEUtju5GIjplDIKxdDdfI8snMfsyI7 | asi6lz | {
"description": "trying to understand my mom",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to understand my mom? | AITA for trying to understand my hard of hearing mom?
So This happened when I came home. I had Band practice and I did not know if he wanted us to stay later to practice so in the morning when she asked if I wanted to go I said no about 3 times. I get home and my mom (a little hard hearing) comes to me and says to have a shower before we go to the haircutters. I say that I have a lot of homework and I can't go tonight. She says that she has a coupon for $3 off and I again say no. She then gets mad at me and starts to yell about she waited all day just for me to say no and how they may accept the coupon later. I ask her to say that again and she tells me that she said it before how it expires today. I say then ok we can go but she instead gets mad and says forget it and rips the coupon up and storms out the door. AITA?
​
Will provide more info if needed. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
7PpcLOvovcvbm8dTFH6JKaU7KdxS1tYu | b7i05j | {
"description": "not putting in more effort to be a good team member",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not putting in more effort to be a good team member? | I'm working with a team for a lab project. Our lab proposal was due yesterday, but we asked the professor for an extension to today morning, since we were busy with exams and other coursework. Our professor was lenient enough to grant the extension, but he made a comment that he would rather have us submit a thorough and precise lab proposal than one that's rushed for the sake of completion. And during lecture, he basically said that he knew some of us would be submitting our proposals late, and that he wasn't too bothered by that.
Anyhow, we got our lab proposal finished in the evening instead. As I was working, this one member texted the group chat. She first stated that she couldn't see the shared Doc, but followed it with a "nvm." Later, she said that she wanted to help out but didn't know what was happening. Frankly, I was irritated that a) she hadn't done *anything* up to this point, and b) she couldn't figure things out on her own, so I left the text on read and continued working instead. After I finished, I told her to refer to the lab protocol and the research study our project were based on.
During the last hour or so I was working, my group members popped in and out of the Doc but didn't do anything. Eventually, they left altogether. After I finished, I waited for \~30 minutes to see if they'd add anything. Since the proposal was complete and I wasn't seeing new activity, I decided to submit our work. In hindsight, I realize the best decision would have been to message the group and ask for permission, but since we were already running late, I didn't want to wait any longer when our work was done.
After I submitted, one member pinged the group chat with a question. It wasn't anything big, but it was something we could have made clearer on the proposal (i.e., a valid revision). But now, it was past the point of revision.
So, in short:
1) I ignored a team member who asked for help because I was annoyed with her laziness and incompetence, which I attributed more to an unwilligness to look through the material for herself than not actually understanding the content. I don't think what's on our proposal is that difficult to figure out; anyone keeping up with the class should be able to comprehend it.
2) I submitted the proposal without asking or waiting for a confirmation from my team, since they'd logged out and I was the only one working on it at the time of completion.
I understand that there's room for improvement and that I should be more cooperative in the future, but was my conduct unacceptable? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
trn1GFsY67jVnRmnzSRBr3oZgCpwVFLO | acmig0 | {
"description": "keeping the Xmas gift I got for my friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA, if I keep the Xmas gift I got for my friend | Ok so firstly in November I ordered a set of “Bff necklaces” they were quite pricey considering they were gold plated. We’re both in college so I gave it to her as soon as I got back from break and she wears it everyday.
Fast forward a few days to Christmas when I gave her a Stirling silver necklace of a butterfly...again quite pricey. She made it kinda obvious she didn’t get me a present which is fine except the she ended up leaving her butterfly necklace at my house on Christmas. She’s been to my house at least five times since then and has never asked for it.
Am I wrong for wanting to keep it for myself now? My boyfriend says I should text her and ask if she wants it but I believe that if she really wanted it she would have asked for it back by now. Idk I think I’m gonna keep it but does that make me the Asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
pqz12gfFKIg7uH9RCBYXjTdWqbFdioDL | abwqlj | {
"description": "messaging my friends parents",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for messaging my friends parents | Basically a friend I know online from a game was messaging me about how he was depressed, he was trash, he wanted to die. He would also send me memes and songs about dying. I had him added on discord and facebook. I've only known him for a couple of months but recently he got worse about dying especially after i told him we couldn't be in a relationship because we were too different.
I tried encouraging him to get help by talking to someone, going to counsellong, seeing a doctor to get medication etc but he refused to do so as he's tried counselling before and the medication turned him into a zombie. I told him the right medication at the right dose wouldn't do so but he still refused.
I got so worried about him that I ended up messaging his mum on facebook about it a couple of days ago. I had thought about it alot before doing so and had discussed about it with a couple of my friends who agreed with me. She didn't reply so I ended up messaging her fiance tonight after my friend talked about dying more.
Apparently they blew up his phone with texts after that message as they were at work. As I am in a different time zone to them I hadn't realised they were. He messaged me basically telling me never to message his family again and asking why I did so as he's an adult not a teenager. I explained that I was just worried about him.
I ended up deleting him on facebook, discord and the game however as I don't see our friendship being the same anymore and to be honest it got fustrating trying to talk to him when he was negative all the time and wouldn't talk about anything else.
Oh also I'm 23 and he's 24.
TLDR: Messaged online friends parents about him being depressed and talking about dying. He got mad about it. Ended up removing him as a friend from everything i have him added on. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oUhnTrueIGVO1InwYuYwBBB59SoKp0Sy | afpx64 | {
"description": "being upset I lost all my support but still have my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | Aita for being upset I lost all my support but still have my boyfriend | Aita Im seventeen and been caught between a fight with my mum and sister for about 3 years. Ive been living with the sister, Sarah, and my mum has been a dick. She made me move across country with her despite having a happy life with my sister she gave me the option of livingneith her then moving in with my bf in a few months.Sarah's family found out and she and her family have basically disowned me and im upset about it. Im happy I will be with my bf but he seems upset that im upset about giving up everything for him. I love him but he doesnt seem to get I need more than one person in my life... Am i the asshole for being upset | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
zw00HkJiBjPgwuiAwATh7us1OQFkcFlz | amjet5 | {
"description": "bagging dog food together with human food",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for bagging dog food together with human food? | I was cashiering and a customer acted really insulted that I put canned dog food in the same bag as other canned goods. She was snippy with me for the rest of the transaction.
I don't see a problem with it at all and was pretty surprised at her reaction. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eWfZSZt88EubB4CoX1gmDQerE6maIVVq | ar5y2e | {
"description": "eating some of my roommates food when I payed the bill",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for eating some of my roommates food when i payed the bill. | Its valentines day and im single, my roommate however has a SO and is struggling and i am not, i told him to do something nice for his GF and i covered his food for this check, i gave him the cash and he came back with a bunch of stuff (we buy food in bulk at the begining of the week) and after he left to go to work i noticed he purchased an item i fancy, peach yogurt. I eat half the tub/container of yogurt and put a note on the box saying he could have some of my yogurt. He comes into my room later that day telling me not to touch his shit and that i needed to mind my buisness. I didnt think he wouls get that mad over yogurt so i asked him what was wrong and he walked over to the fridge pulled out the container. Dropped it on the floor and walked away. I havent heard from him in an hour and he wont answer my text. Is this really that much of a dick move?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
2sqXXgIq9nXQnHC10msiGXooFkuBd72J | as21va | {
"description": "voicing my displeasure towards a \"Cop\" rather aggressively",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Voicing my Displeasure Towards a "Cop" Rather Aggressively? | CONTEXT: I live in a city where the public transport system (PTS) allows monthly pass holders to get in and out of bus relatively fast. Basically, from morning till late afternoon, buses allow pass holders to get into the bus through its exits in addition to the original entrance (two exits + one entrance per bus usually). Since this incident, the policy has changed quite a bit and they only allow it at subway station stops.
As you can guess, there are people that abuse it, hence partially why the PTS has security details of its own to enforce rules and give fines to non-pass holders. The enforcers dress like cops and will be referred to as "Agents" in this story.
SITUATION: It is late at night and buses have become scarce. I get out of the subway and see my bus. Along with six to seven other people, we rush towards the bus to not miss it. Every single one of us enters the bus through its rear exit as it is the closest to the subway station exit.
So I'm chilling in my seat, getting ready to doze off a bit before my stop when I hear an agent come in from the same rear exit pointing at me and declaring:
"You, come out."
I comply and we stand outside of the bus exit.
Thinking it's just one of those routine checkups, I offer to give him my pass so he can scan it and I would be on my way.
Me: "Here's my pass."
Agent: "Do you know how to read?"
He was pointing at a sticker on the bus that described the buses' open door policy.
Me: "...yeah?"
Agent: "What does this say? You can't use the rear exits after X hour."
Me: "Okay, but do you want to see my pass or..?"
Agent: "I can give you a fine for this."
Me: "Look, I have the monthly pass, and entering from the front or the back wouldn't have made any difference in mu case. I simply didn't want to miss my bus so I entered from the back. Can I go now?"
As if on cue, the rear exit door closed and the bus left.
I looked at the agent, baffled. He looked at me, then at the bus, then back at me; He shrugged.
Agent: "Too bad."
Me: "Are you serious?"
At this point I was livid and really wanted to rip him a new one. It's like 10-11pm, I'm tired and hungry, and this dipshit has nothing better to do than to loiter in front of the bus stop to lecture my ass? \[100% accurately describes my feelings back then\]
Me: "You just made me miss my bus! What was the point of this???"
Agent: "Not my problem, don't break the rules."
Me: "Are you kidding me? You seriously have nothing better to do?? You wanna fine half the bus passengers too??? I have a goddamn pass!! Forget it."
I realized I was getting really aggressive so I walked away to cool down. Had plenty of time for that though, it was 40 minutes until my next bus. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4LfjBWS0KdlSdcykTRWHXznyS6K4kN2k | 9woh8o | {
"description": "telling a nice old lady to leave my classroom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a nice old lady to leave my classroom? | Hello,
Right now I'm working as an English teacher overseas. I'm teaching a class for a group of students in their late-teens / early-twenties who have little-to-no interest in learning English.
I'm not the *best* teacher, but I don't think I'm the worst. I believe I manage to make the class not miserable for the students by joking around and creating a relaxed atmosphere.
There's a class in this classroom right before mine, which is led by a nice, talkative, older lady who speaks good English, as well as the native language of my students.
^(I want to withhold judgment of her so I don't skew this post, but personally, I find her a bit nosy--she always asks what we're doing today in my class and asks to see my material and textbook and stuff (when I'm trying to set up for class in the 10 minutes between our classes). I think she's legitimately curious and interested in learning more English and stuff, but it's kind of annoying)
Anyway, she sometimes asks to sit in on my class. For all intents and purposes, I feel like I should be OK with this. Again, she's very nice, and she helps out the kids who are struggling and stuff like that. It's like a free teacher's aide, which should be helpful.
However, you know that feeling when someone's behind your back watching you work on something? I have this feeling the entire class whenever she's in there. I feel like it affects my teaching ability to a certain extent--I try to like "follow the textbook" more and joke around less, which is pretty boring for the students. And, yeah, it just kind of makes me feel anxious having another teacher in the class.
So today, when she asked if she could sit in on the class, I said no. Actually, I said, "How about next week?" because I didn't want to say no outright. Haha.
AITA for telling her she couldn't stay in my class? Follow-up question: If I'm not, how should I get it across to her that it makes me feel uncomfortable having her in there?
​
**TL;DR**: I'm a teacher and another teacher asks to sit in on my class sometimes. She's nice and helps the students. However, it makes me feel nervous having her in there, so today I said no, I didn't want her to stay in my class today. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4pQODh7rFd5ZNPRR05IKvfv5qMOQ8rCS | aunmo8 | {
"description": "not wanting to change my opinion on sex with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA: I don’t want to change my opinion on sex with my boyfriend | TL;DR at bottom but I’ll try to keep this concise. I [20F] have been dating this guy named Todd (not real name) [20M] for two years now. We have our problems like every couple and have really good communication. The current situation may be a dealbreaker though. I have a low sex drive, I identified as asexual in high school but dropped that label in college to see if maybe it was just my previous relationship. I have come to the conclusion that I am okay with sex like once or twice a year but it’s really just not for me. I’d rather be doing anything else. I don’t want sex, I don’t want oral, I don’t want to be the giver or the receiver. My boyfriend on the other hand wants sex once or twice a week, and he’s been willing to compromise and play on his own but now it’s coming to a point of problem with the two of us. I asked him recently to go on more dates with me recently and he has put in the effort and now he’s asking me to put in more effort for sexy time, however I don’t want to. I don’t want to put in effort into something I don’t enjoy. I’ve told him if he’s not happy in our situation I won’t be upset for him to break up with me, and yet he is upset I’m not willing to put effort into it. I feel like he’s trying to change who I am but I can understand how he thinks the way he does and I feel bad that he sees me as not putting in effort.
I’ve decided I don’t want to try to enjoy sex and sexy time when I don’t but this will really upset him, am I the asshole?
TL;DR I don’t want to put effort into sexy time and he does and he sees me as not wanting to put in effort but I see it as not wanting sex period. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
it6aZEIuqxmsNaQCBgF0iroJyE3dQ8yf | au4138 | {
"description": "being a LITTLE excited that my boyfriends moving out for a few months",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being a LITTLE excited that my boyfriends moving out for a few months? | This sounds bad, but hear me out. My partner and I are in a loving, healthy relationship. We’ve worked hard for 3 years to build it this way. We’re happy and have lived together for 2+ years.
Thing is, we met when we were both broke. I found my way into a decent paying job, my partner never did and so I spot all the expenses. Our end game is to buy a house in a cheaper state within the next few years. He’s been working his way up academically and just got into his dream program which would train him well for a job. It’s a 1.5 hour flight from our town.
In a few months we’re moving into a brand new space that’s close to my work and family. Our current house is far, shitty and expensive. I’m honestly so excited to be moving back to my hometown, to a nice place, and...to have the whole place to myself!!!
Please remember I love my partner. But I want him to do this big thing for his future and our future. It’s in a state we want to live in and I feel like I’ll finally get to breathe a little when I live alone in this new space close to everything I love. Obviously I will miss him, but living alone in a spankin new house sounds like - honestly - a much needed vacation.
The plan is to work remotely next year and join him after 6-9 months apart. AITA for kind of looking forward to living alone? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kO0tpbwPmfJNPrpAUs9DEiwoDHhJMu00 | b00ens | {
"description": "giving a criticism on a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA if I give a criticism on a relationship? | Hey, someones throwaway account here. Am I the asshole for doing this?
So, few days ago I saw two people are going to have a weeding in a Discord server. Long story short, they met on a server, having a relationship, became a staff, and here we are. Everyone congratulate them in the DMs, so they created a channel solely to congratulate them.
Then, on the next day, I wrote a message for them, but, besides of the congratulate message, I warned them to not cause any relationship drama, because the server has friendly vibes, and also a Discord partner. I was having a vibe of r/imgoingtohellforthis, but I sent it anyway.
On the next day, they deleted the message (I guess, afraid to look at it) and wrote a message that they will delete negative response on sight.
I was having that feel again. I don't know if I should feel bad for this, because they are having a good time, and I messed it up. Tell me guys what you think. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
6fP87YcXzYluuRfOK9b8kT5kIpkDqlFl | avulhx | {
"description": "not wanting to buy a gown for a birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to buy a gown for a birthday party? | This is a throwaway. Also sorry for any spelling / grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language.
​
I (24 F) have been together with my boyfriend (26 M) for a litttle over a year now. He is white (German) and I'm asian (Chinese). Our relationship is going amazing so far, so no complaints here.
​
In two weeks, my boyfriend's mother is going to celebrate her 60th birthday. It'll be a pretty big event, they ordered a huge banquet and there is going to be a dress code for the party (formal evening attire). Since I don't own any fancy dresses, I decided to wear a Qipao to his mother's birthday party. For those of you who don't know, it's a traditional Chinese dress. Mine is green with lots of golden embroideries, so all in all it looks very pretty and elegant.
When I told my boyfriend about it, he thought it was a good idea. His father on the other hand suggested that I should probably wear something more "normal". I'm not even gonna unpack this statement (I guess traditional Asian outfits are just too \~exotic\~ and \~out there\~ for some people) any further cause I can't be bothered.
​
Now, I'm pretty short on cash at the moment. I'm a Uni student and my side job's salary is decent, but I had to spend a lot of money on all kinds of stuff this month (rent, repair costs for my flat, insurance, meds, etc.). All in all, I simply can't afford to buy a dress right now. I even asked his sister and some of my friends if I could borrow one of their dresses, but they all either looked too big on me or didn't really fit the occasion.
I told him him about that and he insisted on me wearing something else. At that point I was just annoyed by his persistance, so I said "If you want me to wear something else that badly, you can either buy me a dress or just uninvite me, plain and simple.". Needless to say that statement pissed him off, but he eventually gave in and said I can wear whatever I want.
Funnily enough, he was the only one who had an issue with it (which is funny cause it's not even his party lol) but he's a really bossy person who is used to getting his way so nobody else said anything about it (not even his wife).
​
Although I'm happy this issue has been solved, I'm starting to feel doubtful now. His request was pretty ridiculous, but I wonder if my response came off bratty and entitled. Since it looks like me and my boyfriend are in it for the long run, I really don't want his father to have a bad impression of me and think that I'm rude or whatever. Part of me thinks I should apologize for the way I said it, but on the other hand I also feel like my reaction was justified.
​
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IhJNKR8qJf7tv23EXg05wJfPjn33Qyn4 | b5e813 | {
"description": "knowing a very pretty girl was absolutely lying to me and putting up with in order to have a fling with her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for knowing a very pretty girl was absolutely lying to me and putting up with in order to have a fling with her? | Obvious reasons for throwaway (hence the new account, I know this subreddit hates "new" accounts even though they are clearly allowed in the rules).
In early January, my sister called and asked if her former roommate could come stay with me in March while she attends several job interviews. For reference, my sister and her friend are 28, I'm 25 and I now live in the LA area while I'm going to grad school. I knew this girl by reputation and said that would be totally fine, especially since my roommate was moving out and a week help with the rent while I look for a sublet was a huge lifeline for me.
Two weeks ago she arrived at my apartment by uber and there was an instant attraction. She is very physically attractive. I knew from my sister that her friend has a problem with lying, maybe even pathologically. I also realized very early on that if I just sort of ramble, I had a good shot at hooking up with her. What was clear is that she is completely full of shit, even if I hadn't known her by reputation, her stories about her past are so fanciful and out there that a two year old could tell she was lying. After four days of hanging out and her being on a high from getting a sick job (pharmaceutical sales, she's going to be a billionaire with her looks and ability to spin a yarn) she asked if I'd like to have drinks with her. One thing led to another and we had completely consensual sex. She liked it so much that she ended up staying for almost 3 weeks instead of her originally planed one. It's not my place to be gratuitous so I'll spare details but it was a great time.
She just got home yesterday evening and my sister both called me and emailed me calling me a piece of shit, asshole, loser, scum bag and every other name in the book. She said I had set her friend's mental health back by "years" by not calling her out on her bullshit. That it was my job as her brother and "decent person" to not play in obvious lies for "selfish reasons." I explained to my sister it was completely consensual, my sister's exact response was "I know that you fuck wit, I'm saying that you needed to be a bigger and better person and help JXXXXX out in her recovery from past traumas but you set her back by years!" I feel I need to clearly explain that while I knew this girl was a liar, my sister never explained to me that I needed to stay away from her or that she was in "recovery" or counseling when my sister set up her staying with me.
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kf63bLzKeJxOhyIkflGjIBvhPqlDvnXo | b1lr0x | {
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to stop/cut down on smoking weed",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my boyfriend to stop/cut down on smoking weed? | I want to start off with saying that I'm not anti-weed. I completely support legalization and I have no problems with it.
​
What I do have a problem with is the smoking habits of my boyfriend. He smokes basically every evening and weekend and it's really starting to annoy me. I should stress he doesn't smoke for medicinal reasons, it's purely recreational. It's always the same thing. We're going to watch Netflix? He needs to smoke first. We ordered pizza or whatever, he needs to smoke.
He becomes incredibly lazy when he's stoned. He sits on the couch or in bed and doesn't really move. It also stinks up the entire house (he does smoke outside but it reeks) and he can become incredibly childish and immature. He always gets horny but I don't enjoy sex when he's high so we don't do that anymore. I don't want to sound like a stuck up bitch, but it's really getting to me. I asked him if he could tone it down, and he said he would try. A month later nothing has changed and he told me that he's having issues trying to cut back. I told him that it sounds like he doesn't care what I think, and that I would be more than willing to help him out. He said he doesn't need my help, but yet he's making exactly zero progress.
​
Am I the asshole for asking him to cut back or stop? It's like he doesn't care about what I think. It's really starting to bother me and I don't know if I can put up with it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AkQeiKr23xFKGzP4h3Hq1wOVkYVfFETM | a9usyu | {
"description": "delaying to write a card",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for delaying to write a card? | Throwaway account here
Backstory: So yesterday was Christmas, and I’m 13 and got a really nice Apple Watch. So fast forward to today, where my brother (15) had a plan to get my parents a gift. But my dad was home so only one of us could go, which he already decided was him. So he went, and took my money, which was over $20 but I didn’t care. After all, it was a gift for my parents. So then he went and grabbed it and came home (where my dad was cooking so he didn’t see him) and ran upstairs. He then wrapped it and told me he would tell me when to write a card for them, which I wanted to do. I forgot to mention I was EXTREMELY worn out because I took a straight 3 hour test (too hard to explain) and I went and played CS:GO. So he was writing cards and called me up to write my cards. I said “in 2 minutes”, and I actually meant that. But his immediate response was to shut down my computer forcefully and give me a death glare. And obviously I’m gonna get banned in CS:GO (but that doesn’t matter). His stare obviously meant I’m not writing anymore cards, and I was pretty bummed out.
But here’s the AITA part. Since I didn’t write one my brother used my letter to write why I was selfish and only cared about myself. My parents read it and agreed and didn’t bother to hear my story. I got so many “you’re so selfish” I just want to make sure I’m not even though 3 other people think I do. So what is it, Reddit?
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
KfCvjpY1OVgbS9KfYVt8O10bdIn21EFJ | aqbbc2 | {
"description": "thinking my friend is being fake",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for thinking my friend is being fake | Let's call my friend, Brenda. Brenda and I have belonged to the same club for about three years. This year, Brenda became president of the club, and I feel like she's changed completely. Before becoming president, she and I would usually always make fun of the stereotypical club member. We also didn't take the club that seriously.
Over the last semester, Brenda became part of some leadership committee in the club. She complained constantly about the committee leader, Samantha. She would text me daily bitching about something Samantha did or said. She also wanted to make a report against Samantha for being unprofessional.
Fast forward to today, and Brenda has done a 180 on everything. She now "loves" Samantha and says stuff like "Omg, I love Samantha, but I really wish she would stop taking all the cookies". When I try and mention how much she hated Samantha just a few months ago, she'll usually just brush it off. She also now claims the club is the most important part of her life. She's always talking about how she loves all the members she used to hate, and how the club really is a meaningful organization.
I understand changing your mind about something but completely reversing your opinion on something/someone after two years feels so artificial to me. I've also started noticing various other ways Brenda seems to change her mind to try and fit into whatever role she wants to be. AITA for thinking this new change is totally fake and that Brenda is kind of a fake person in general? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
PaAVntMuAPMKo1POVwCmFmBb8YSOjiH5 | ay3qlf | {
"description": "calling my dad out for taking my gift cards",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling my dad out for taking my gift cards? | So my good friend gave me 2 gift cards for my birthday ($25 Amazon and $20 GameStop) They disappeared off my couch the day after my friend gave them to me, I figured I lost them. I thought this until I saw my dad putting a amazon card into his phone, I then check the amazon gift card balance on the account and it said $25, so I asked him did you take it. He replied with “ I didn’t take your card how dare you have the audacity to ask me, the man who gave you everything and accuse me a thief!”
So reddit, AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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xhQhAixGxGTAH47OUQLUMijcKYGga3PB | b78g2e | {
"description": "getting really mad my parents keep buying food I cant control myself around",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting really mad my parents keep buying food i cant control myself around? | ive been going through a ton of uncontrollable binge eating and ive already gained 20 lbs. i hate myself. my parents buy food that triggers my binging and the day i finish it they get more. i asked them nicely multiple times to stop getting them and it worked! ....for the first week or so. they bought more *again,* this time saying it was for them. it wasnt. they havent touched any of it. i'm under 16 and i cant do shit about what they buy and if i throw it out i wouldnt hear the end of it. after the 4th or so week of the whole "buying food i hate that i eat" thing i just broke down. i was so frustrated. i was crying, i yelled at them a bit and they yelled back. they kept telling me it wasnt for me but they still hadnt touched it. they dont even like it. it wasnt for them. they told me to just not eat it. (they *know* i have problems binging)
it's like they want me to gain weight.
so, reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
YNHvUOgS1IxOqiX3RRA9aU2qbBPR4ZXy | a2syvk | {
"description": "keying a car that was parked in my assigned spot",
"pronormative_score": 56,
"contranormative_score": 524
} | AITA for keying a car that was parked in my assigned spot? | I pay $85 a month for this spot in my apartment complex, and the garage is gated off so random cars shouldn’t usually get in. They must’ve followed someone through the gate right as it opened and took my spot while I was gone. If I pay so much for this spot, a dickhead should not try and sneak in here for free. And this is the second time this car has done so in the last two months!! I took a picture last time and it’s the same ass car. That’s why I decided to key it. Am I the asshole for fighting fire with fire?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 463,
"OTHER": 56,
"EVERYBODY": 61,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 56,
"WRONG": 524
} | WRONG |
qA2IVo1Nn7AjaeeTo61VTWytL7wgNveL | b9evcd | {
"description": "wanting my parents to spent tike with my daughter",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my parents to spent tike with my daughter? | Okay so, I’m on mobile so sorry about formatting.
Little, kind of long, back story. My wife and I meet and staring daring, got married, lost our fist girl, then was able to bring another girl home last year. Before our first pregnancy, we bought a house and during it worked it the house. And so our weekends was taken up by working on those house, now this house is literately seven minutes away from them, but we would always come over when they asked us to, but they would never stop even thought we could see the pass on the road. We always tried to get the to come over and see us, not work or anything as my father worked away from home and I felt bad for asking them to help when he has two days home.
When we told them we was pregnant all my dad could say was you need better insurance, to which we had good insurance. We didn’t have to pay for anything.
But, we lost of first daughter, got the house done and moved then wasn’t long we had our second. But, and this is when crap hits the fan, has my father and I was watching the nurse check on our daughter in the nursery my father said something to me. I forget the exact words at first, but it confused me at the time. And I looked at him and he said this staring into my eyes “. Don’t screw up next time and have a boy.” I don’t know about you all, but to me you don’t say that to someone who lost their first while they are checking on your one hour old daughter.
We bring her home and stuff. Hardly ever got a call or text about her from him, my step mother would come by during the week, but when it comes to the weekend they stop by for 30 out of the whole weekend. We tried for two months straight to make plans and do stuff with them, but it’s always were going somewhere. Later down the line, I’m hurt cause I can’t get my own parents to spend time with their grandchild, and they ask if they can take her. And my and wife and I said, before you do we would like for her to know you before so. And that sets them off, don’t speak to us for like three months.
They start seeing her some, but stop talking to my wife and just try to go through me. They try to take her, after telling me that “it doesn’t matter that we want her to know them, they’re her grandparents.” And that sets us off, and I don’t say anything about it, because I want to see how far they’ll go to see my daughter.
Continue in comments. | HISTORICAL | {
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cpus6zitBQXENP7Q4Dgdk2zbubSBj2FK | asexl2 | {
"description": "snapping someones credit card in two",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Snapping someones credit card in two | So I was walking to the grocery store today and saw someones credit card just laying on a park bench. Since we recently had some snow, I assumed it was dropped and lost then. But later got found by someone else, and put on the bench in case the owner returned.
​
I looked at it for a bit, it was no name written on it, and since I was worried someone would take it and try to use it. I decided to snap it in two, and throw it away. I know that means the owner has to order a replacement. But I feel like that's the safer option, rather than hoping the owner finds it.
​
But a part of me keeps thinking it was just an ass hole thing to do, so I'll like your opinion on it. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
43olIO9njgjKnYwSgogC9EQAtkJPiIwh | azwc84 | {
"description": "getting mad at someone for kicking my bat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting mad at someone for kicking my bat | So I recently bought my own baseball bat to play baseball and it cost $300
I usually keep my bat in the locker room, but it was closed so I had to carry it around with me for class.
Everyone thinks that the bat is a toy they can just play with and it irritates me.
This one girl just kicks the bat and doesn’t even apologize. I said back “SERIOUSLY”
So am I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
OuaKNzMNKgNVNXu246VQwlJcbFUt0LLg | b3jiam | {
"description": "being frustrated/fearful of my boyfriend starting to smoke weed again",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being frustrated/fearful of my boyfriend starting to smoke weed again? | My boyfriend used to smoke every day, multiple times a day, bowls at a time.
He quit, and has been “clean” for about a year. He got a job that drug tests, which is a great motivator for not smoking.
Yesterday, in a conversation with my sister, him, and brother in law, I mentioned that “it’s not the smoking part that gets me, its the potential loss of his job”. I ultimately didn’t want to seem like a controlling girlfriend, so I said i was “fine with it” because I can’t control what he does.
I don’t have anything against smoking weed (I personally don’t like the sensation and only smoke to help my immense pain in my joints, but only as a last resort), but my boyfriend smoking weed/doing drugs could ruin his job. He only gets drug tested if he fucks up/gets injured work, but he’s already been injured once or twice before, since he’s a welder and there are risks that come with it.
today, My sister and boyfriend were talking while I was playing video games with a headset - so i couldn’t hear the conversation. What it ended up being was that BF was going to go to his old plug, get weed, and he and my sister were going to split the money for the weed 50/50.
BF looked at me and saw my demeanor change as he was getting ready. He asked “Why are you upset? you said it was okay”.
I looked at him and said, “you said you needed to be tight with money. THIS is not being tight with money. and what if you smoke and go “fuck i missed this”, and start smoking more? and what if you get injured at work, are drug tested, and then BAM, you’re out of the job?”
He assured me he would only smoke a little, and after he left my sister tried to talk me through what i was feeling. I said I wasn’t mad, but I was definitely upset. I was upset and fearful of the possibilities that could happen, and ruin his life. The job he has is hard to find in the area I’m in - he’s tried looking for other jobs. He’s a good welder, but only has been welding for 6 months, so he’s not “experienced”, which puts him in a rough spot IF he lost his job.
AITA for feeling this way? My sister thinks I’m mad at her, BF now feels bad, and I feel bad for essentially contradicting what I said vs. how i actually feel.
It’s easier to say “I’m fine with it”, but when it actually happened, my mind went into overdrive about shit that can go wrong easily and negatively effect him. | HISTORICAL | {
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dyJe6j3voo34aT8OCIoDro5skHDpRRuG | arzswz | {
"description": "being mad because my BF couldn't mind his own business",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for being mad because my BF couldn't mind his own business? | Hello Reddit,
Not sure if I should post this over here or at relationship advice.
English isn't my native language.
Last friday, 15th of February, I received an anonymous package of chocolate from a webshop who delivers cards/flowers/chocolate etc. Since it was the day after Valentines day I assumed it was a day too late. My first reaction was to thank my boyfriend - classic mistake, it wasn't his. I asked my friends thinking it was a joke or something, but none of them did it either. At first my BF and I were joking about it, but I didn't really feel good about it. The mystery of not knowing who it was (an ex who tried to reconnect? Someone else I'm not aware of?). Besides that, My relationship isn't exactly hidden. I'm very open about it so for me it felt like someone was disrespecting my BF. He wasn't too stoked about it either but we had a good talk about it and laughed it off.
Or so I was thinking. Because this morning he called me, telling me he called the webshop who delivered the chocolate. Apparently the webshop forgot about their privacy policy, and apparently my BF knows how to lie and sound very convincing, because the webshop told him who sent the present. It was very innocent, one of my nieces sent it because I helped her with a personal matter and she wanted to thank me. As soon as my BF told me, I got very mad and sad, hung up the phone and decided to call the webshop myself. I had a good talk with them about their privacy policy and they apologized, told me what exactly happened, and also told be there should have been a card along with the chocolate. I'm not sure what exactly happened that the card didn't make it, but they'll send it again.
Later today my BF called me, immediately apologizing and saying that he should not have done that. I told him he absolutely shouldn't, and that I don't want to talk to him for a while. I said that I need some space and time and that I'll let him know when I'm ready to talk again.
I know him well enough to know he did this out of insecurity, out of fear to lose me, and a bit out of jealousy. Besides that, it was 'only' my niece so nothing to really worry about. Now I have my emotions a little bit under control I feel like an asshole for ignoring my BF and being so mad at him. Am I making this bigger than it is? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
AbE2nDWnjx6P4Xtcoxb7StXFaVDo54zj | acaviy | {
"description": "ignoring people when I have my headphones on",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for ignoring people when I have my headphones on? | I have them on for a reason. One, so I don't disturb anyone else and second, because I want to be left the fuck alone. My roommates Gf does this shit ALL THE TIME. I will be laying on my bed chilling and she will knock on my bedroom door to ask me a question and obviously I can't hear it. So she just comes on in and I don't see her because of where the door is in relation to the bed.
Out of the corner of my eye I finally notice she has her arm out waving around trying to get my attention. Like wtf could you possibly want?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
psOezZI7AFJjaX6rBE8XRCk8Hv02VEwS | aedlg7 | null | AITA family member loaned money to be repaid by working it off | Bit of a long story here, and it's a lot of family stuff, but I'm rather lost as to who's "right"
Family member loaned us (gf and myself) $2000 to help fix up some property. Loan agreement was that we would "work it off" helping her clean up her farm where they sold most of the land but kept the house/barn. This property was in pretty rough shape and she is physically incapable of caring for it due to obesity but she is wealthy.
A normal "mow" consisted of roughly 6-8hrs work depending on if I needed to fix her mower. That's with both of us mowing, very rough ground.
Additionally one mow was more Bush clearing where I was on site for 15 hours.
We did this 6 times, additionally cut down several dead trees, cleared poison ivy, got several old vehicles running, and dug out and removed 5 old cars (literally sunk to the frame).
We kept the scrap. Money from the cars (approx 800) but we used our own trailer and trucks to pull them out. Another company had quoted $200 to remove each vehicle, plus scrapping the vehicle themselves due to their location and mostly missing drive trains.
Now it's important to note that during this time, we were flooded with innane demands such as checking on her cats weekly (it's a 2hr drive), she occasionally helped with part of gas.
At one point she demanded we drive 2 hours out to install a seat in her van. As in, drop everything. Do It right now.
Another time it was drop everything and help her drive across the country. You get the idea, stuff like this was a weekly occurance that frankly ran us ragged.
However the real drama starts when we offered to bring out heavy equipment to demolish an old structure, tear down and haul off old equipment, and remove the last couple of stuck vehicles with the heavy equipment as trucks couldn't pull them out.
She agreed to pay, matching what a contractor had quoted to *only* demo the structure. The rest of the work over that quote was approximately 20 hours.
So everyone seemed to be in agreement that everything was paid off since she had now began paying for our time. And frankly we had done way, way over 2000 in work over the course of a year this story dragged on for.
After the behavior continued, we confronted her saying we felt like we were being used, as we were still being constantly forced into helping for free and spending massive amounts of time driving to do so.
This caused a massive meltdown and now the family is rather divided. Now family events have to be done twice as she refuses to be in the same room with us.
She has not attempted to address anything, and is now going around telling anyone that will listen how we used and abused her, and never paid off our agreement. Essentially forcing people to choose sides and frankly really making people dislike us.
Am I(we?) the asshole for saying enough is enough? I feel like we've torn the family apart over making a fuss about spending too much time/money helping this lady. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
OtNlI61WRK7D7ZhvmYWuDjgGn9H86SVZ | b2bhn4 | {
"description": "telling a classmate that they don't work hard enough",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling a classmate that they don't work hard enough? | Throwaway obviously. It might be hard to write this without it being seen as r/iamverysmart so forgive me if so, that's not how I'm trying to come off. Apologies for the length of this too.
So, background: I'm in the last year of high school and we've just had a round of practice exams for our subjects, which we take to prepare for the real, national exams we take later in the year.
We got the results back for all our practice exams recently and I'd done amazingly well across all my subjects. Like, top of the 150+ people in my year, and the grades I received would put me roughly the top 1% across the country if I had achieved them in the real exams. I was obviously really happy since I'd worked really hard in the month leading up to these exams.
I'm known in school to be kind of the "clever kid" since I perform well all-round. People assume that I'm just naturally really smart, which I suppose is true to a small amount, but I'm certainly not the genius kid that people believe me to be (not my own words, this is what other people have told me that people think of me, since it's not like I'm one of the popular people).
The unfortunate thing is that people often dismiss all the hard work I put in and just assume I do no work at all and just come out with good results because I'm naturally clever. It's not uncommon for people to call me things like a robot or liken me to someone with little social ability which I find quite upsetting.
Fast-forward a few weeks and I'm in a class where I sit next to someone I find kind of annoying. Not because they say annoying things, but because they say stuff like how I'm so smart and they wish they were me and wouldn't have to do any work. I've explained to them several times previously when they've said things like this that I still do have to work hard just like anyone else but they don't seem to either believe it or listen to it.
So in this lesson recently the person next to me starts saying about how they heard I got really great results, to which I just smile and politely say thank you. Then they keep going and say something along the lines of "I can't believe you did so well in this subject without any work. I only got <low grade>". From this I get quite annoyed and just snap back "I do work hard. Maybe you just aren't working hard enough".
I didn't realise how harsh it sounded until I'd already said it, and so they kind of just went quiet and looked quite upset. In the moment I didn't think to apologise since I was still pretty annoyed at them. Bear in mind this person isn't stupid at all, just around average in the subject.
I understand I said something that I shouldn't have said looking back, but I'm unsure whether I was the asshole considering how I've explained to them previously that I do put in work and they still continued to disregard that all and see me as someone who doesn't put in effort.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
y8ciNMBmEv9601I8XviGHZ51lwYT2zNT | ajc697 | {
"description": "not wanting my partners friend to stay over as much",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting my partners friend to stay over as much? | AITA that I (20f) dont want my partner (23m) to have his friend (24m) stay over night as often?
To give some back story, they've been friends for nearly 10 years, they both want to start up a food stall together and to do that they need to meet up every week to talk about it.
The flat we live in is very small, the kitchen and living room are one room, there isn't really a hallway just a small room to put your shoes, and there's our small bedroom and bathroom. For anyone to use our bathroom they have to walk through the bedroom to get to it.
Just before Christmas time he was coming round every Wednesday night at about 10pm after his band practice, which stopped for awhile during the holiday period, but now he's back over. My boyfriend cooks them a meal idea for the stall, they eat it then talk a bit about the business, then proceed to chill out, the next day he'll either leave in the morning or, like today, he'll stay until 2 or 3pm.
I work as a waitress and I usually work split shifts which means I'll start at 11am, finish at 3pm, then go back into work at 5pm, and work until 9/10pm, which means unlike anyone that works 9-5, I have literally no free time apart from my days off which are Wednesdays and Thursdays. This is the same routine for my boyfriend except he's a chef.
I feel like I can't be free to do whatever I want in my own home when he's here. I can't sit in bed in my underwear as if he needs the toilet he has to walk through to get to it. The same applies if I want a lie in. I feel like I can't get up, put on my own music and put some shelves up and do some tidying because it's rude, if there's a guest round I don't feel completely comfortable being myself, doing whatever I feel like. I need to ask what they would like on, or if they're okay with me drilling the walls for awhile...
And I can't ask my boyfriend if he would like to go out anywhere or give me a hand with anything because that would rudely leave his friend out.
I also need to give him a lift to the train station, not that I'm being forced to, I agreed to, I would feel too bad to say no as it's a 30/45 minute walk uphill. But now (my own fault) I need to change my plans to help him.
Nothing I wanted to get done has been done, and now I need to wait an entire week to get any of it done again, which might not even happen if he's staying over again.
I spoke a bit about it with my partner, as he knew something was wrong. But I don't want to tell him he can't have his friend over, I'm not sure when they would talk about the business any other time as our schedules are just work.
Don't get me wrong, I really like his friend, he's a lovely guy and very polite.
Am I just being selfish? WIBTA to ask him to stop staying over?
TLDR my boyfriend and his friend want to start a business together but the only time they can talk about it is on my days off, in our tiny flat. I don't feel comfortable in my own space. AITA for not wanting him here?
Throw away account as my boyfriend is an avid reddit user... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
R0yo6xCgWG9hmtO8cdGDDeZbdDZIk1eu | a329ue | {
"description": "wanting my low-income live-in GF to pay for more than just the internet bill",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my low-income live-in GF to pay for more than just the internet bill? | AITA for the situation:
I (M,29)make 65k she (F,28) makes 30k.
Student loans are paid off.
Auto notes and expenses covered individually.
I cover the housing expenses except for groceries (she cooks dinner 1-3 nights/wk) and pays for the internet. We don't eat anything extravagant. To her benefit she does all laundry (she won't actually let me do it despite me wanting to) and 75% of the cleaning.
She moved in with me after her apartment's lease term was over.
When we started this cohabitation I wanted to split everything but the mortgage down the middle. After all, it's my house she has no right to it if I ask her to leave.
I'm looking at expenses of $13,500 just to maintain the house and I figure her costs are under $4000.
Despite making more than double her, am I the asshole for asking her to pitch financially more? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Rq8FWa1upCjUtxqTQyhWmOfiKgAdCryt | audxs2 | {
"description": "telling my mum and dad that I hate them and I will be sleeping at a friends for the next few days and going back to my place",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA telling my mum and dad that I hate them and I will be sleeping at a friends for the next few days and going back to my place. | So as a teenager I was quite badly abused buy a family friend, he was my age and he did all the abuse at school.
I kept it a secret until a few days ago when I decided to tell my mum and dad about the abuse.
All was ok until my mum told me her and dad knew about the abuse, now that would've have been fine if dad wasn't constantly bringing him to the house and letting my abuser work for him. So they were knowingly letting my abuser get close to me.
I got super pissed, told them I fucking hated them, packed up all my shit and am currently staying with a friend until I can get a bus back down to my place.
My parents have been blowing up my phone trying to apologise/ explain why they did what they did, but I have not answered as I don't know what to say.
Honestly part of me doesn't want to see them again, but the other part of me feels like an asshole for not letting them explain why.
aita? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dLF1jW3cUBuLpot1uYQGEBJANhvTeJYp | b6rncx | {
"description": "wanting my sister to get rid of her dog",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA for wanting my sister to get rid of her dog | My sister has a 7 year old chihuahua that pees and poops everywhere. Ive tried talking to her, asking her to take him out more or keep him in her room. All this has sparked was an attitude from her, and she does nothing to change it.
He pees everywhere in the house. The walls. Shits and pees on the couch. The carpet. Theres literaly not a DAY that doesnt pass by where this isnt pee (im really not joking. There can be up to three puddles a day and they completely ignore it expecting someone else to clean it up)
& its not like they dont have time to clean it up or take him out? She goes outside on the porch to smoke 5x+ a day but she still doesnt let him out, even if hes whining at the door.
Ive witnessed her blame it on MY dog (medium sized shiba inh, LARGER poop than a chihuahua & i walk him DAILY. even if he does go i pick it up as soon as i see it), Ive seen her just leave it there for MONTHS (literal MONTHS. not exaggerating). She had a teenage daughter that could let it out in the morning and afternoon but she doesnt. I feel bad for the dog because its just decoration to them at this point.
Obviously, I already know some people are gonna recommend i take him out myself. I just wanna say that im absolutely NOT going to do this. Its their dog, Its not my responsibilty? Why get a dog if you arent gonna take care of it? I feel like if i take care of him for them it just reinforces the behavior that they dont have to take care of him at all. Thsy have no care for the fact everything smells like shit and piss and dont care about cleaning it up AT ALL. Theres literally a puddle of pee on a suitcase near the couch thats been there for a week. Im sick of cleaning up after them.
Hes not registered under a vet. Has has no shots. Eats out of my pets dog bowl.
tldr: sister and her daughter negldct their 7+ yr old dog, lets him shit and piss everywhere and ignore it/dont clean it up bc they expect me or someone else to. Couches smell like piss and blankets filthy from poo. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
qRp8f3v6khRuNbH24CGIHvC5K9D0qlYY | am8xg1 | {
"description": "not checking up on my mum",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not checking up on my mum | My mum got a minor procedure done a few days ago and we’ve spoken everyday since then except today. She called me after her procedure on the first day but couldn’t talk too long because it hurt her eyes and I called her the next day and she called me day after that. So we’ve been talking.
I came down with “flu-like” symptoms (that’s what the pharmacist said) and haven’t gone to my classes in 2 days because of it and have been in bed the entire time and my Mum was aware of this. The only person that has checked up on me is my friend, and that been nice but i also wouldn’t think it was a big deal if no one checked on me.
My mum has been doing fine and had had zero complaints about the procedure it went well and she’s been recovering perfectly and was even saying she’d stop the pain meds because it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle without it.
She just called me on FaceTime and blew up on me immediately for not checking up on “your mother who got a procedure done”, her exact words, I honestly didn’t even know if she was joking or not at first then she kept going on about it. And not trying to make the situation worse said “sorry” she then said “it doesn’t matter you don’t have have to check up on me”, still clearly angry. So I asked if I don’t have to check up on you why are you calling me angry that I didn’t then she told me “that is what you do to show that you’re concerned but since you don’t care about me it’s fine don’t bother” (umm WTF??)
My mum has a history of putting words in my mouth if you don’t do something exactly the way she wants it so I’m not surprised by her saying I don’t care about her that’s the BS I have to put of with.
So AITA even though we’ve spoken almost everyday since her procedure, except today and she hasn’t once asked how I’m doing?
tl;dr: my mum got a minor procedure done and is completely fine after but it’s mad at me for not checking up on her despite speaking to her everyday but today and myself being sick and not getting checked up on by her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PaTWQyF8s8rHO3g6uZ4fQ39NOkyy2t4B | b37xyd | {
"description": "disliking how my dad has been parenting after a divorce",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for disliking how my dad has been parenting after a divorce? | First, some context. Also, this might seem biased, but I’ll be as objective as I can. Also I know a stereotype of teenagers is that they hate their parents, even if their parents are right. So I want you guys to let me know if I’m the asshole here. Or if it’s my dad.
My parents divorced a few years ago. It was anything but amicable. The whole time my dad was being an asshole to my mom, basically blaming her for everything wrong in his life. It was awful. I was depressed, and had frequent panic attacks. The whole time my mom just stood by and did nothing.
Now I alternate between their homes every week. Things were good, until I found out my dad wasn’t (and still isn’t) paying any child support whatsoever. My mom is very generous and forgiving, so she never retaliated. My mom can rarely get anything for herself. His defence is that he doesn’t have enough money, yet he managed to pay for a 7-person trip to Florida for spring break.
Now, what motivated me to post this was the fact that my dad timed it so that he would have me for 3 weeks straight. My parents agreed to a 50/50 alternating every week.
I arrived at my dad’s house last week, would be going to mom’s this Friday, but he decided to time it so that we leave tomorrow and it lasts throughout spring break. Since my mom was nice, she let it slide. The problem is that when I get back next Friday, I’m staying at my dad’s place for another week. His justification is that because if he hadn’t taken me I would’ve been at my mom’s house during spring break, and I would end up at his house at the end of the break and have to stay there for a week. I don’t understand this.
I personally don’t think it’s fair and respectful of my mom, and how she wants to spend time with me as well. He is using her kindness so that he can only have us, in what I believe to be his attempts to make us there full time. He believes himself to be more worthy of me than my mom, as he frequently says that he wants me full time, and that my mom is a bad parent, because if I do anything he doesn’t approve, he says my mom taught me to.
If he sounds like a narcissist, that’s because he is. As far as I can remember, he has always thought of himself as better than everyone else. He believes that he can never fail, and if anything happens, it’s not his fault.
All in all, from my point of view he has been selfish about raising me and ignorant of both the fact that he is not my only parent and what I want, and he has no respect for the woman who is saving him money and has yet to retaliate against any of his aggressive actions he still makes years later.
Even if you think I’m the asshole, I would be thankful if you could let me know why, so that I can understand where I was wrong.
Thanks. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
g9gGFGYhENBneQcwYVmfmpwX02PgizSQ | afog0l | {
"description": "making memes",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for making memes? | Hi Reddit!
First time posting here, like it so far.
Well, i am in Freshmen year of high school, and some girls in my class like this band called "BTS". I am not a fan of this band whatsoever, I decided to be a bit of a "memester" and make a couple of memes about kpop etc. I thought they would just laugh it off or something, but they were just REALLY offended. One my classmates even told the principal in our school. I tried to defend myself saying it was free speech etc.
I stopped making them, because i wanted to maintain our friendship...
Reddit, am i an asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
bPG1T0a1YPA8ECHX8G7DSD1WVmrwqetB | awyi8k | {
"description": "despising my mentally handicap sister",
"pronormative_score": 1332,
"contranormative_score": 132
} | AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister? | The title makes me sound horrible but hear me out.
&#x200B;
My sister is severely autistic. She requires attention almost 24/7 and cannot be left alone. She is non-verbal and cannot take care of herself at all. Despite the fact that she is only 12 she is extremely destructive and violent and destroys anything she gets her hands on.
&#x200B;
I hate her. That should be wrong to say but it doesn't feel like it.
&#x200B;
I was only 6 years old when she was born and since then i've never solely had my parents attention. Even since I can remember the world has revolved around her. I was moved out of my room into the basement at 7 because she needed to be in the room next to my parents. All of my toys as a child were destroyed by her and my parents simply ignored me when I complained. Even when I was 14 and she destroyed a mac my school gave me I was in the wrong.
&#x200B;
Along with this I am expected to take care of her and drop everything I do for her. I can never make plans with friend because my parents "expect" me to be there if they need me to take care of her. Even when I do somehow get time to myself I am required to leave if they need me. If i do not then I am punished. The recent example of this is when I went to see the new spider man movie, and was "grounded" because i turned my phone off in the theater.
&#x200B;
It seems as if I am nothing more than a slave to them and anything involving her simply overshadows me. This last week I was chosen to give a speech at a school event. I was so exited and my parents promised to be there, but they never showed and claimed it was because of my sister. Anytime anything like this happens for me they are to busy with her.
&#x200B;
I've held this in for so long and it finally spilled out today. While talking about colleges with my father, he joked that I should get a degree that pays well so when their gone I can take care of my sister. I don't know why but this caused me to break down. I cried and screamed about how it always about her. I'm nothing more than a caretaker to them, that they always make it about her and that I'm expected to be her "slave" for the rest of my life.
&#x200B;
I've locked myself in my room since then and my parents have not come to check on me. Am i the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 93,
"OTHER": 1239,
"EVERYBODY": 39,
"NOBODY": 93,
"INFO": 7
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1332,
"WRONG": 132
} | RIGHT |
hiKFyIVhsONN0DC5zW1D7BhmLlWj1pdT | 9v3flk | {
"description": "considering ending a 7 year relationship because he doesn't have his drivers license or a car and works in fast food",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for considering ending a 7 year relationship because he doesn't have his drivers license or a car and works in fast food | It feels like we argue over this situation every other month. I'm 23 and he's 28, I've had a lot of financial support from my father to achieve the things I have (paid for my training, drivers licence, and car) whereas he's never had any support from his family. I've been bugging him almost our entire relationship to get his shit together. He says he can't afford it which is fair enough but I'm tired of waiting and it feels like an excuse. He has a plan but he says he needs a car to get his license and once he has his license he'll get a real job.
I've just finished my degree and am ready to get out into the field and earn money and move out but I'm not sure I want him with me when he hasn't achieved any of these things... whereas he thinks me thinking this way means I'm not serious about the relationship and I'm not willing to work on our problems. Am being impatient? Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kx0DNGDSHfrqMik9K6Fuv1RDNfaAmVwC | afhpb9 | {
"description": "getting with someone soon after being broken up with",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting with someone soon after being broken up with | So this story takes place about a little over a month. I started talking with an old friend of mine from 7 years ago again and long story short we got together (for a short while). I would talk with her every night and tell her good morning, try to be with her as much as possible, and overall be with her. She had it rough as she was suicidal and had it rough those 7 years so i felt obligated to do anything to show her that i cared for her. After a couple of days she would start getting more depressing that usual and it scared me but I would still try to talk with her and hopefully calm her or at least something to ease up her suicidal thoughts. Luckily I managed every time. Also before we dated she was a bit of a physical person so she loved to punch people as it apparently “soothed” her. (I call bs) So she would punch me daily. Soon after she broke up with me because she wanted to get with her best friend who was a guy. I felt heart broken but there wasn’t anything I could do. After a while I stopped talking with her in which her friends would ask me about her. I would all tell them the same thing. “We aren’t together anymore.” And then maybe a couple days later something happened to my best friend so i was with her for the longest while and apparently my ex was watching. For that longest while i comforted my best friend you know like being by her side 24/7 if possible, showing her love, holding her hand, etc. It just looked like we were together. Bad part my best friend was also friends with her so my ex would fabricate lies saying how im abuser, or that im just gonna hurt her etc. My best friend didnt believe her since she knows im not like that. Soon after my best friend confronted me asking me if i was using her to make my ex jealous. Of course i said no as I wanted nothing to do with my ex anymore. Conversation continues and she confesses that she’s been in love with me for 3 years. Long story short we get together. (Still together for a month now :) ). Soon later most of my ex’s friends start texting me or straight up telling that i didnt love ex, that i used her to get to someone else, or that i straight up was just an asshole to mentally abused her. Idk what lies ex told them but the harass just keeps coming am I really in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TOOAi56u3dfb1Pa4BRiVW4gCDB6Wl0HH | awvy24 | {
"description": "getting annoyed at my boyfriend for leaving my high five hanging",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for getting annoyed at my boyfriend for leaving my high five hanging? | It’s 8 am, and we went to bed around 3, I’m barely conscious and groggy, just to say.
So I’m in bed and my boyfriend is standing next to me. I stretch out my hand for a high five. He sees me, doesn’t respond, continues putting clothes away. Apparently he was going to get to me once that was done.
I get annoyed and say as much. He apologizes but then gets defensive, saying he didn’t have the intention of ignoring me, and me getting annoyed isn’t fair.
Tl;dr - AITA for being annoyed my boyfriend left my high five hanging? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
g4psPBdDU9j1wI9dpFdH2SfOqAwq0CV6 | 9v35us | {
"description": "writing off my co-worker",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for writing off my co-worker | tl;dr Open-office rage. I cannot get over my hatred for my co-worker, to the point I have to change jobs, and it will let down important projects for a lot of people who I care about.
AITA for not being able to get over the following concerning, let's say, "Chatty Rob"
* The setting: we work in about a 20x40 "team room" open office containing 12 people. Close your eyes and consider how tight this space is. Whatever one person wants to talk about is basically what everyone has to talk about.
* Meet Chatty Rob, the compulsive one-way talker who can turn any interaction into a 10-minute digression
* He's not an un-nice guy, midwestern nice, except the aforementioned overtalking and things I'll mention below
* He really wants everyone to know all about his hobbies, which are guns and martial arts (sidebar - he has no military experience, I do, and he's not much interested in my perspective)
* He has a loud boisterous ringtone, I believe it's Looney Tunes 'That's All Folks'
* Rob doesn't have much sense of personal space. Which is fine, except
* He doesn't seem to be a big fan of flossing, judging from the black cloud of death emanating from his gums
* When he comes to work in the morning we get 15 minutes of sports, traffic, weather from Rob. At 3PM he declares he needs to leave to get ahead of the traffic, then digresses for another 30 minutes of news, sports, weather, and the latest idiocy from those idiots at headquarters.
* Last thing... I'll lose some sympathy here probably, but when it comes to politics in the workplace, I believe in being very passive and neutral because it's not relevant and nobody needs the conflict. Chatty Rob on the other hand freely goes on about building Trump's wall, putting Hillary in jail, and similar themes (seemingly oblivious that we share the space with a woman, a black dude, a chinese dude, and 3 Indians). Those are the exact opposite of my politics, so naturally I hate them, but more than that I hate that he talks about them in a shared space where anybody with half a brain might realize, hey, maybe not everybody wants to hear my thoughts on this shit.
I've raised this with management a couple of times. They don't respond, we're a conflict-averse organization. I try to drop hints like walling myself off with 3 monitors, or saying "OK good chat Rob" after 30 seconds. None of it works. I don't even know how to broach the subject that someone has bad breath. It seems ridiculous that I even have to waste brainpower on this in a Fortune 100 company where everyone is supposedly professional.
It's really sad because I want to do a lot of good things to help this organization, and a number of key projects depend on me. But quite honestly, for my mental health, I just can't work with Rob anymore. Ever. Can't even be in a meeting with him. I've gone to working from home 3 days a week to avoid the shared space, and mentally speaking, it's making me kind of mental to be so isolated.
So I feel like the asshole because I unprofessionally cannot find a way to get over an annoying co-worker grudge. In fact, am I?
&#x200B;
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | RIGHT |
jHIKNZTgvYcwuwcOKebWHXQFXU31G4Ex | a044t1 | {
"description": "asking the employee in the fast food drive thru to remake my soda because it was filled with ice when I asked for easy ice",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for asking the employee in the fast food drive thru to remake my soda because it was filled with ice when I asked for easy ice? | So I always ask for easy ice or no ice when ordering a drink. Ice takes up space in the cup and I’d rather have more soda than ice. So I made my typical order and when I go to the window to pick up the worker handed me my drink and said “here is your soda with easy ice”. I took it from her and it was clearly filled with ice.
Usually if I ask for easy ice and it’s filled with ice instead, I’ll just accept it and move on, mistakes happen. But this worker clearly knew I asked for easy ice and she handed me a soda full of ice. I responded by asking, “this is easy ice?” and I shit you not, she said “Yes”. My fiancé didn’t want me to make a scene or hold up the line, but I just could let it go this time.
Am I the asshole for making the worker remake my soda? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
rFMykfqmtBjlfmOgJyjGDNUHueLEemmH | aecerl | {
"description": "wanting to go to my fraternity's retreat instead of wanting to go on vacation with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for wanting to go to my fraternity's retreat instead of wanting to go on vacation with my GF? | Hey guys, so since November, my girlfriend and I were planning to go to somewhere for a 3-day weekend before school starts (Vegas, Lake Tahoe, LA). Shit had hit the fan because last semester I joined a business fraternity where I had became friends with many people. Beforehand, my girlfriend had occupied so much of my time, we'd talk 6-8 hours a day and had led me losing any of my close friends. When the semester started, I loss touch with her, I became more involved with my fraternity and shit had hit the fan because she became jealous of other girls that I was getting to know (not flirting or anything, but becoming friends with), so as the semester ended we tried fixing my issues of lack of communication and openness.
Cue the end of December and my fraternity announces a retreat to Tahoe, to potentially party, have very fun moments and really develop bonds with other people in the fraternity I haven't got to know. It is on the same date that my girlfriend and I had originally planned to go on vacation together, and I was torn in between these two events. For one thing, I had never had gone on such a trip with friends and for another thing it's from what I hear something people in my fraternity won't forget. So I am allured to that idea. I feel like going on a trip with my girlfriend is so expensive FWIW (Each of us are looking at $500 which is not really wise for both of us who are in college, in comparison to $55, but I can't bring her). I also feel like there may be fights and horrible experiences just because are relationship is just pulling itself back together. In fact, we just started planning this 2 days ago when it should have been 1 month ago minimum.
Deep inside I just wanted to have fun on a trip that I may not be able to experience again, and I was hoping my girl can trust me, but she can't because I had deleted a text to another girl saying Happy thanksgiving" when I told my gf I wouldn't reply back. It seems crazy and childish, but a lot of trust was lost because I was replying to other girls texts before her. I wasn't trying to get with any of these girls, it just feels so great being friends with people. In other words, I've been in a controlling relationship and I just started having these experiences. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
ClQrvEamDFwgtLyljsqTcFNZSTrTi4d6 | agu2bc | {
"description": "not wanting to share with a roommate because I feel like it's not reciprocated",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to share with a roommate because I feel like it's not reciprocated | I'm the only one who really brought any cooking supplies like pots and pans and even food like spices. My roommate only brought their own pot and uses my stuff and is kind of messy and doesn't clean stuff properly and says that she cleaned it well enough. I don't like that she uses up all my spices and wears out my pots and pans when she offers nothing of hers for me to use. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
0WIZnkfd03FZMlU0rZYxCbx9mhAhAmXN | a19b59 | {
"description": "leaving my friend in the middle of a city by herself",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my friend in the middle of a city by herself? | this happened a while ago, but ramifications are still relevant, and I've been told different judgements by different people on if I'm an asshole or not...
so a while ago my best friend and I decided we wanted to get together and have an epic road trip. we live quite a ways away from each other; 2800km (1700 miles). so the plan was for her to fly out to where I lived and then we'd road trip back to where she lived. once there we were going to spend about a week together just having fun and reminiscing (we were college friends and hadn't seen each other in a couple years). along the way stopping in different places and generally having a great time.
the first part of this plan went off without a hitch. she flew to my place, we had an awesome time, and then the road trip began. we had a blast-- blaring music, sleeping in the car under the stars, swimming under waterfalls, and exploring interesting off road attractions. I noticed, however, that she was getting anxious because she wasn't getting money in from her work that she was supposed to (something about papers that were supposed to be forwarded in time). I told her not to worry about it-- I had enough money, and that she could pay me back anything when we got back to her place and sorted it out.
a major part of our trip that I had wanted to do was visit a big city near where we were going to be. she knew this (we'd made a rough plan of everything we were going to do on this trip), and knew that we were going to take a bus into the city from a smaller town so as we weren't driving in an unfamiliar city with millions of people in it. well the day we were going to the city her grumpiness and agitation had begun to get to head. she didn't speak the entire bus ride there, so I let her be, thinking maybe when we got there she'd be in a better mood (after all, we had lots of fun stuff planned for the city!). once in the city, however, she immediately declared how much she hated it, and how everyone there was always so stupid and angry and how the city smelled funny and went on and on. I snapped and asked her why she didn't say something \*before\* we'd gotten there. no response. regardless, we went to our first destination. she noticed how much this place cost to go to, and said she didn't have enough money. I said that was fine, that I'd pay for it. she said no-- told me to go by myself. I was angry at this point, and said that was ridiculous and began to walk away. she said she was just going to stand there and wait for me to go to which I retorted 'fine', and just continued walking.
I ended up walking only about thirty feet to a nice fountain where I was able to sit and relax and calm down a bit. I looked over and saw her a few minutes later walk away; she obviously didn't see me. I bit later she text me asking me where the hell I was. I told her where I was, and she was \*furious\*, saying she'd already walked all the way back to the bus station. (I will add here that we are, despite the immaturity this may all seem-- fully grown adults). I went back to the bus station, and she wouldn't say two words to me. when we got back to where the car was she said she was calling her boyfriend to pick her up (we were about 400km from her house only), and that I should just leave and go home (a nice 2500km drive... by myself with no warning). not that I objected as I was \*very\* angry at that moment-- I'd spent a lot of money on that trip, and I didn't understand why she was so furious at me.
and since that day she hasn't talked to me since-- nor has any of our mutual friends as, apparently, I am an asshole.
...am I? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lN2IAlCu8OQIQKTnftHrsVLSJCpBdoTM | b7o3ea | {
"description": "wanting to go no contact with my father",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to go No Contact with my father? | For as long as I can remember my father has always been literally a terrible person. He’s very toxic, he’s always negative things, talking bad about people being two faced.I have some many examples but I’ll name a few.
When I was 11-14 yrs old I hated wearing shorts and only really liked wearing pants/capris he called me a lesbian because of that.
Another time his exact words which were very hurtful he said “ If your mother were to suddenly die one day I’m putting you and your brother up for adoption because you guys are old enough to take care of yourselves” I WAS LIKE TEN when he said that WTF.
My mom is the real MVP here for sticking around all these years trying to work things out with him because she still lets him come over to her HOUSE,after everything he’s done. He cheated,he really mean to her and when I was younger my dad divorced my mother without her knowledge SOMEHOW apparently he got someone to forge her signature (I’m not sure how that’s even possible but I was 4yrs old at the time)
Some more info...my father has 6 other children, was married to 3 different woman and 1 from the first wife,4 from the second and 2 from his last wife being being my mom.
I’m unsure of why my father and his second wife divorced but because of that divorce he cut off his 4 children from that marriage (In fact he disowned off all of his children including me) but his exact words “ they sided with their mother” and my whole childhood/teen years he manipulated my brother and I to thinking that my other siblings were bad people but I now know that’s not the case because I got in contact with them a few years ago and I’m good friends with them now and they told me what the relationship was truly like between their mom and our dad.
I got in a huge argument with him a few months ago because he was upset that I didn’t call him for his birthdays, Christmas, send him cards for the Holidays. I told him that” It’s a two way street with communication because first all you don’t call me either or send me anything and plus why would I do that for you if you don’t deserve any of that?”He got angry with me and said I was being disrespectful and that Parents come before their kids and regardless I was supposed to call him and send him cards. Every time I stand up to him and defend myself he said I’m being disrespectful but I’m not. I do not call him names or don’t curse him out.
To please my mom I actually tried calling him a few for his birthday this year he did not answer the phone at all.All of these things and more is why I decided I never want to talk to him again. My mother/my moms family does not want me to do this, they urge me to call him for his birthdays,Christmas and I refuse to do that
I just wanted to know AITA here?
Thanks for reading in advance and I apologize for the novel. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XPUeeVcjH4UjT0duIPbRYJQBeSmxn1ff | aogzvk | {
"description": "not going to my neighbor's birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going to my neighbor's birthday party? | There's an old lady that lives next door to my house, and no one comes to visit her. She used to have relatives but they kinda forgot about her so now her only friends are neighbors.
A couple of weeks ago she went to my mom and asked if she could come to her birthday party. My mom said that she wasn't sure since she has a lot of work to do but she considered it and bought her a gift. I wasn't invited and frankly, i wouldn't even want to go since i have really bad social skills and would feel awkward.
Today, i heard a knock on my door at 6:20 PM that sounded like someone jamming at it. I was a little scared but when i looked it turned out to be her and she asked if i could come. I hesitated and didn't give her any clear answer except an awkward smile. She just looked really happy to have at least someone come to her birthday.
The idea of being at a stranger's house alone isn't very appealing to me, considering that i'm a minor. I called my mom and she told me that i could use extra homework as a reason and not go inside. I still feel really bad that this sweet old lady has to celebrate her birthday all alone but i really feel uncomfortable about going in her house.
Am i the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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VGE2ifHCwXmxHEKh5uiXVVNOcYDJbufN | a08n9x | {
"description": "comparing work conditions in other strip clubs with my boss",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for comparing work conditions in other strip clubs with my boss? | I worked at a strip club in a rural area for over a month. I have two other jobs, this stripping job was more of a side job as it doesn't contribute to my resume. I had warned my boss that I couldn't work the following week as I just started a new job. Now in this industry (in Australia), the management is supposed to work around the dancer's schedule and that's why they hire a lot of girls, so they can cater to the club's needs and dancer's schedule. Sometimes they have minimum shift requirements each week but you can take a break if necessary, as burnouts are quite common in this industry. It is a small club but from my time working there, half of the dancers come in once a month or once a fortnight,
I should note they have been working there for years. So a little background to these texts, the clubs hours are 8:30pm-4:30am and it takes me 1-2 hours to drive to work. She expected me to come down to work despite giving her a week's notice and she was unprofessional about it, see links for screenshots of her messages. Also, I am aware that I have made some grammatical errors in my messages, I was typing them between work breaks.
TLDR version - [https://imgur.com/a/RnFizVF](https://imgur.com/a/RnFizVF)
The whole conversation - [https://imgur.com/a/rAODTej](https://imgur.com/a/rAODTej)
There are times where she will deceive the dancers just to get them to come in. For example, she will say there's a bucks party booked when no such group is coming in that night. So I thought this was another one of her scams or guilt trips to come in, a dancer (we'll call her Bree) corroborated with my theory as she said she has been receiving similar texts earlier that week. Also, I highly doubt that she will close down the club because of one girl not coming into work, she also owns 3 other mansions and hires them out for Airbnb, so her livelihood doesn't depend on the strip club. Bree advised that I may have misinterpreted the texts but under reasonable circumstances. Bree has been working there for over a year and she has dealt with some similar work incidences herself but she stays calm and collected about it, and understands what my boss is trying to communicate. I may have let my anger get the best of me, I rarely get angry or stand up for myself but when I do, I can take it too far and/or misinterpret some messages.
\*\*TLDR; My boss wanted me to work but I couldn't, despite giving her a weeks notice. She was very unprofessional about asking me to come in, so I defended myself by saying other clubs would not do this and ended up getting fired.
Some additional personal info that might be useful, I only chose to work at this club as it is small and it's quite intimidating to start at a city club as there are 80+ dancers on Friday to Saturday nights and more creepy customers, so I thought I would work on being assertive and hustling skills at a small club and work my way up. I knew the other clubs would have an issue with my full-time summer job, hence why I haven't moved to a city club sooner. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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RwgVM0XPHVmWDOtF53Qr95O3cdfA55Ms | b9nac4 | {
"description": "making a joke about a weirdo at the bar",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for making a joke about a weirdo at the bar? | I went out recently with a group of friends (all early to mid 20’s.) We all work together in a healthcare related field. The incident:
We were all pretty drunk at this point in time and it was about maybe 2 am. My friend Jen went outside to smoke a cigarette. While outside she was followed by this man that had been a part of a group of maybe mid 30s guys that had been watching our group from the other end of the bar all night. We had witnessed this guy get punched in the face earlier for an unknown reason. He asked if he could smoke her cigarette with her, she declined and gave him his own. For whatever reason he still insisted on smoking hers, she told him no again.
She came back inside and told us about it. I apparently made a (louder than I thought) joke about why would you want to share a cigarette with some random guy, he might have herpes. We laughed, we moved on (I thought.)
This guy Alex that was with us pulled me aside and told me how messed up my joke was and that the guy heard me. I told him the messed up thing was following some strange girl outside and asking to smoke her cigarette with her. Alex was someone I had a fling with in the past, but stopped talking to when I realized he didn’t really respect me or women in general. He said it takes some balls to approach a woman at the bar and I told him it doesn’t take balls to sit on the other side like a blood thirsty hyena ready to make young women uncomfortable. We agreed to disagree. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
KIlaphMRKD4U6fpn0ypbPKwkGsMWCc5R | a657vc | {
"description": "refusing to sell my BFF weed",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA I refuse to sell my BFF weed | TLDR at bottom. My husband and I used to sell weed. My friend is an ex-customer and my current BFF. Even though we quit dealing, my husband and I occasionally helped our friends find stuff if they need something. This past summer we helped my BFF and her boyfriend get some and it snowballed after that. It turned into a weekly, sometimes bi-weekly, event. Kind of obnoxious when that's not your actual lifestyle anymore, but they don't have very much money and we could find it cheaper than they could. She texts me almost daily to see if I can get anything for her.
Last week, however, she told me something that pissed me off. She said she has yet to buy her children anything for Christmas because she is too broke. I've watched this chick buy $50-100 of weed weekly since summer and now she's telling me that she "can't afford" to buy her kids any/many toys for Christmas. Then 2 texts after lamenting this to me she, you guessed it, was asking for weed again.
I know she probably doesn't have any other options for weed at this point, but I don't care. Her kids have been through a lot of trauma and drama in their short lives. She fell into hard drugs for a few years along with their bio dad, who just recently went to prison on some serious federal charges. She has turned her lifestyle around completely and has stayed clean for years now, and I'm very proud of her for that. However, she is always talking about how life has been "rough" for her kids and how "they deserve something special", like she is some sort of martyr, yet continues to buy weed in lieu of actually doing/buying for the kids. My husband and I excessively dote on our child and buy all the toys and take all the trips we can, so I always chalked it up to different parenting styles. But after she complained about finances for Christmas then immediately asked for weed, my opinion changed completely. I now think she is just being a selfish twat, or a poor planner at best.
So I've been telling her that I can't afford to go get weed anymore because "I spent all my money on Christmas for my kid" even though I've been done shopping for my kid for weeks. Every time I look at my child's stash of toys and remember that my friend's kids have absolutely 0 makes me sad and angry.
TLDR: I refuse to sell my BFF weed because she hasn't bought her kids Christmas gifts yet.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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nB2Kgmt8r1X2pq35BTRI1nAjvu8lMqov | ag25m1 | {
"description": "yelling at my sons teacher and tell him to leave my son tf alone in front of his classmates",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for yelling at my sons teacher and tell him to leave my son tf alone in front of his classmates? | Honestly this teacher just bullys him. He’s putting him in front of the class, asks him questions nobody his age could possibly answer and then makes fun of him!
I first didn’t believe my son but the other kids told similiar storys to theire parents so i thought there has to be some kind of truth in it!
So last week on thursday my son showed me a video recorded by someone in class showing the teacher making fun of my son ( stuff like: “not only a slow body but also a slow brain”.. my son is a bit overweight) while he was standing in front of the class almost crying!
The next day i went to school with my son and confronted the teacher, but all he cared about was that somebody used a mobile phone to record in class and instead of listening to me he started asking the kids who used his phone in class and at this point i completely lost it.
So i started yelling at me and he was really shocked and scared and ran out of the classroom and called the police.
I’m trying to get him suspended rn but i think a lot of the parents from the other kids think im an unpredictable choleriker and don’t want their kids to visit my son anymore. (our house hasn’t been this empty in YEARS!) (sorry for bad english) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
DfhJJl96Vd6342XvFqpFmJzgjLaWm06c | au4se3 | {
"description": "calling the cops on my neighbors",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling the cops on my neighbors? | So this happened about an hour ago.
Some back story... I get along with all my neighbors except for one. I wouldn't say I don't get along with them, but I have no interest getting to know them. The street parking in this neighborhood is pretty limited, and this neighbor for some reason has a ton of cars (like 6). They use all of their driveway and park two in their yard. If they have guests they usually park in front of my house. I don't really know who lives there because there's so many people that go in and out of the house. Sometimes the men over there will cat call me when I walk out to my car and just make me feel uncomfortable. They also have a lot of loud parties that go until 2am.
Now that you have some info, I came home today after a long day to see a truck parked in front of my drive way. It blocked maybe 60% of it, and I somehow squeezed in between to park. I was annoyed that someone decided to park their car there, and I suspected it was the neighbors I described earlier because they were having a party. Instead of going over there to figure out whose car it was, I just called the nonemergency police line and reported the vehicle. Someone came by and gave them a ticket and asked if I wanted it towed. I have roommates who need the driveway so I told them to tow it. As the tow truck came, 40 drunk (I'm assuming college.. They were pretty young) people came out of the house cussing a storm. Some got in their cars (that were blocking other driveways) and drove off. The truck in front of mine re parked his car and looked visible pissed about the ticket. The neighbors got out their flash lights and were shining and pointing at my house. I could hear them saying that it was fucked up I called the cops and I could have asked them to move.
I am not the type of person to call the cops over menial things, but I honestly don't feel like an asshole because I don't feel like it's my responsibility to figure out whose car that was. I think they are assholes for even parking in front of my driveway. Am I in the wrong here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bGBSu1IBgHCi9O9CRfkf9Ya1e2KKXfQm | afrjns | null | AITA for my views on friends | So recently I've been thinking a lot about my friendships, the different types and how I've handled and approached them. Something I've been thinking about for a while is how I don't consider every one of my friends the same. What I mean is that I consider some friends to be better than me, equal to me, or not as experienced/smart as me. I don't mean that I'm an amazing person or that everyone is idiotic, I'm just a regular person. I know that I have friends who can be pretty dumb such as giving unhelpful advice (such as when a friend was trying to see if they should break up if their SO who was emotionally abusive, they would give non-advice or undermine my own advice (by trying to be "neutral" and keep the status quo)) or just be immature. I feel like maybe it's not right to put people on different levels, but at the same time I feel like some of my friends are really stupid and so although I don't instantly disregard what they're saying (because I believe that I should always keep an open mind), but I am skeptical of what they're saying and I feel like there's an underlying feeling that I feel like my own perspective and ideas are better than theirs. Of course I don't instantly dismiss their opinion because they sometimes do give okay advice and they have been right before where I've been wrong. But I also know that if I listen to their advice or let them give bad advice to mutual friends (in a group conversation setting) without challenging the bad advice then things would be worse off than before. I'm just unsure if it's okay to feel or think this way. | HISTORICAL | {
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ga0IP2dwKK1j3nrMZWEo1Q1zj1Y9z0K5 | b7ce3b | {
"description": "not wanting to freak my grandma out with a creepy letter",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 302
} | AITA for not wanting to freak my grandma out with a creepy letter? | Reposted third time because the first version was removed, I didn't write the acronym for "Am I the asshole" in the title. Throwaway because my gf is on reddit. PLEASE DO NOT UPVOTE TOO MUCH, I DO NOT WANT HER TO SEE THIS.
So recently, my gf and I went to visit my grandmother and great grandmother down South for our spring break. We are both 19 year old college students and we go to school in New England (USA). They really loved her. They spoiled her throughout the week, and she was so grateful, and so was I. We were both so happy that they took to her so nicely. I had definitely been nervous about it. We stayed in my great grandmother's home (she lives directly across the street from my grandma, they live very close to each other) for 7 days. It was a blast.
Now that we are back at school and continuing the semester, my gf keeps asking for my great grandmother's address. Both my great grandmother and my grandmother were English Lit teachers, and my gf keeps saying she wants to write a letter to each of them to thank them for everything they did for her during our stay.
Here's the thing: I get where she's coming from. I do. I just don't want to give her the address. She did not know it while we were staying there (purely because she never asked and never paid attention and I was driving everywhere in my grandma's car). I think it's kind of creepy and stalker-ish to do. I told her I could give her their phone numbers to text them, but she said that she thought they would really appreciate a hand-written letter, and she said she'd rather do that because it seems more personal. I told her I think it's creepy and that I think they'd find it creepy, and she got upset at me. She said that I blew it out of proportion and it's how people communicated earlier anyway, and she just thought it was a thoughtful thing to do. I am not budging on this, don't worry. I'm not gonna let her force me into it. But she is upset at me and hasn't spoken to me properly since our fight (last night). So I want to know: who is the asshole here?
There's more to it, though. My grandmother was married to a really vile man (my grandfather-- I don't talk to him) and he was abusive towards her physically and verbally. She left him and they divorced. For years after the divorce, he continued to stalk her and send her threatening letters. She and I are very close, and she confided in me that she still gets nervous opening letters from people she doesn't know. She had a restraining order against him, but it does not matter now, because he is in hospice care a few states away. I am worried that if my gf sends her and my great grandmother a letter, it will freak her out. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 302,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 302
} | WRONG |
uPJ7hX5P9qnCOMsy9iSZtQvGitR0cHdZ | am99f2 | {
"description": "yelling at my landlord's friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for yelling at my landlord's friend? | I'm a college student, and I rent a house along with 4 other guys. Our landlord can be a bit much sometimes but for the most part we haven't had any issues with her. One day last week I walked home through the back gate, the way we always enter as it's the quickest way to get to/from the bus stop, and I saw a lady I had never seen before, walking with a dog through the backyard. We have no side fences and our gate does not lock, so I thought I was seeing somebody who thought our backyard was a nice shortcut through the neighborhood, and maybe a good place to let her dog take a shit.
Immediately I got defensive, and shouted "Hey, what the f\*ck are you doing back here?"
The lady responded: "I'm here with the owner, that's what the f\*ck I'm doing!"
At that point I remembered that the landlord was coming over this afternoon. However, she did not tell us anything about bringing a friend. Of course, if I had seen this lady accompanied by the landlord, or if the lady was ostensibly working on something (we have plumbers, contractors, etc. at the place periodically because the house is old) then I would have reacted differently. Our lease agreement states that we require 24hr notice before the landlord comes, and she should let us know if she's bringing anyone with her.
I explained to the lady: "Listen, you've got to understand where I'm coming from. I see someone that I don't know in my backyard, I get defensive. You could have been anyone."
She wasn't interested in my explanation. And for that matter, I wasn't interested in apologizing, especially considering the way she fired back at me.
Later in the week, the landlord came to visit again on business. I stayed in my room but heard her talking to my roommate about the incident. She had some pretty strong opinions about how I should "act more grown up" and be more understanding of/patient with people (strangers?) on the property.
I'm glad that I wasn't out there for her to lecture me about it. She would've gotten nowhere. If landlord wanted to bring a friend, she should have accompanied her at all times or let her stay in front of the house.
**TL;DR --** I yelled at a random lady in my backyard. Turned out it was the friend of our landlord, but landlord told us nothing about bringing a friend. Now landlord is mad at me. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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JROqjPrIPTmVzngUFvZUbnqgOSmPJENo | amc1uu | {
"description": "believing my ex wamted to have sex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for believing my ex wamted to have sex? | Context: this is a bygone relationship, just asking out of curiosity. My ex was not an especially sexual person but at the time i believed that she was okay with it now and again. We're about 17-18 here.
Also, mobile, so sorry for format
My ex and i started doin the deed about 4 months into our relationship. My ex had previously stated that she'd like to wait till we were both 18 for whatever legal/personal reasons and I respected that, but we carried on with lesser stuff (handsy thing, you get the drift). However, handsy things lead to greater things and we ended up doin it before either of us turned 18. It was a mutual thing after a nice long dinner.
This was fine and dandy and we continued having sex occasionally but never incredibly often. Over the year long relationship we probably did it 8-10 times. Often i'd begin to intiate but she'd decide not tonight and instead of telling me straight up, she'd just say "eh" and shrug, leaving me very confused about what she was feeling. Even if i prodded which made me feel like i was trying to pester her into sex, she'd just say "i'm not really sure." Usually this bummed me out but i'd never throw a fit or anything, just lay down and cuddle with her more. I suppose this sequence of events often left a sour taste in her mouth because usually on those nights she'd leave quiet or vaguely unhappy. (In my parents place so she'd never stay the night) I may have been a little too persistent as this was my first sexual relationship and it was hard for me to know when was okay and when wasnt so i'd generally try a shotgun approach and always throw a hint in that i'm down tonight. If she said no, i'd usually back off completely, and if not completely, just more throwing hints.
However, when the end of our relationship inevtiably came, she claimed that the only time she'd ever agree or initiate sex, she did so solely because she thought it would make me happy or make our relationship better, not because she actually wanted to. She added that when i'd get bummed out (slightly, mind you. It's not like i was upset that she isnt readily horny for me), she'd feel like she was letting me down or upsetting me. This left me a little hurt, because if she'd told me she just wanted to stop having sex i'd have agreed in a heartbeat until she felt ready. She later decided that she's asexual and I havent really heard from her since then.
So, reddit, AITA for not taking hints, or am i in the clear for trying to have sex with a girl who I was under the impression wanted it?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
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} | RIGHT |
ExKvz5RncCu71SrXHMzyK0ojywvqfXRa | aqc1du | {
"description": "wanting privacy for weird stuff even though I don't hurt people",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting privacy for weird stuff even though I don't hurt people? | I'm part of a kink subculture, and frequently partake in what it has to offer. Now, to do this, I've bought many items online, under an alias. One of the people I share the house with has frequently asked what the packages are, and I keep telling her to stop. She's complained many times about stuff that only she was experiencing (and thus, only she was taking issue with) and has, many times, tried to convince me to let her in my room. We have an unspoken rule that we are to not enter eachother's rooms unless given an "okay" prior, and I respect this rule; I don't even ask unless there's a possibility that there's something they need in there, and even then, spend little time in it. She, however, continues to badger me about it, despite the firm "no" I give each time.
Am I the asshole, here? I let the other person in on occasion because he's in on it and totally kosher with it, but the first person is... Well, she's ultracrepidarian. She thinks her expertise in how people feel is flawless, and refuses to take new info in. If we try, she projects it onto us, claiming we're not taking how SHE feels into account. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aWGTReIBEKx0Nj8hT2ECoO0W1pJRnXlr | ahidbn | {
"description": "asking my S/o not to visit a male Gynecologist who happens to be her friend",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA for asking my S/O NOT to visit a male Gynecologist who happens to be her friend? | The title is pretty self explanatory, but I guess I must include some context. My S/O had been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome about 4 months ago and was due an ultrasound as a follow up in her regular clinic. She went to the clinic and was told she had to visit a Gyno ASAP for a proper follow up as her current clinic had no Gynos available.
She later set an appointment with a friend of her that she's known for a while who is a Gynecologist and just told me she was going to visit him to get a checkup. I kinda shrug it off at first, but then I started not liking the idea of a guy she knows getting all up in her stuff. I am not a jealous guy by any means, but something was just not clicking right considering how shy my girlfriend usually is when it comes to talking about her sexuality and how she gets super nervous even when she gets a checkup with a female doctor, so her being so cool about it sort of disturbed me in a way of ''Uhmmm that's a lot of confidence in a friend that will be looking at -your- genitals and perform an invasive ultrasound'' and I told her I would feel much more comfortable if she saw another Gyno, perhaps her sisters Gyno?
She got upset and said she couldn't believe I was being this way considering how anti jealousy I generally am when she tells me about dudes who try to hit on her. This is true, but she only says that dudes try asking her out and give her compliments and she quickly corrects and says she is in a relationship so I don't feel I even have to be jealous because there is no invasion of personal space, etc.. She ended up going to her sisters Gyno, but not without saying ''I can't believe I am letting you decide what doctor I have to go visit because NOW you decided to be jealous''. It goes without saying that things are a little sour right now and no matter what I try to say to explain how I feel about the situation, it never ends well.
Am I being the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 22
} | WRONG |
iGu4ahAcTfkUkFDYmwRs8CZALvXWQEBk | abv830 | {
"description": "checking my partner's \"facts?\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for checking my partner's "facts?" | My partner in a previous relationship was very confident. And at first, I took most things he said at face value. Eventually I started to notice certain things were off. For example, certain "facts" I would find out we're just untrue. When I found out the correct version, I would usually say something like, "hey, I found out today that [fact] actually happened like this - isn't that crazy?" or something like that. I didn't want to be all "I told you so" about it, but I think learning is good, and I like the facts to be straight! Also, he had a hard time accepting when he was wrong so I tried to be nice about it.
In time, it got to the point where he would constantly make false claims about all sorts of stuff. Not just random facts. He would say that I had said something that I didn't, or that he had told me something that he hadn't (is that gaslighting?). It was very frustrating, and it led me to start fact checking a lot of things.
The thing is, whenever I would say something like I THOUGHT he may be incorrect, or that I WONDER if it happened a different way, he would just straight up tell me I was wrong. He would get really pissy when I wanted to look it up.
Eventually I got so tired of it. He would say something (that I KNEW was false) and I would just fact check him then and there. I got so sick of him making things up. He accused me of being pedantic and that I shouldn't care about little things.
We're not together anymore, so I don't have to deal with it, but I'm curious. Was I the asshole for constantly checking his "facts"?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
EnRhzZGGFi62h40q2zZsR0T03e4gWfif | b53j2u | {
"description": "hooking up with another girl, at least in part because I thought my fiancé would like it? he's threatening break up over this",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 125
} | AITA for hooking up with another girl, at least in part because I thought my fiancé would like it? He’s threatening break up over this. | Background: I’m 26f and engaged to a guy I thought was the one. I love him so much it hurts and I can’t bear the thought of life without him. We have a great life together.
One of his fantasies is me with another girl. He’s said he’d love to see it, he loves to hear stories about the dew times in college i kissed other girls and he loves it when I tell him stories about other girls while we are having sex.
I went on a girls trip this weekend. On the trip was a very cool girl I’d never met before and she and I stayed in and drank wine while all the other girls went to a movie and club. One thing led to another and we ended up completely booking up in the Airbnb. It was very fun and felt amazing but we both agreed that it was just a hook up and no emotions, it wouldn’t happen again and that the only people we’d tell were the respective men in our lives because her husband has similar fantasies. During the whole thing I was so excited at how turned on my fiancé would be when I told him what happened.
Well just got home and was so happy to see him and i told him what happened. He freaked the fuck out and told me I cheated. I asked him how was it cheating if he’d tacitly given me “permission” by telling me hundreds of times how much he wants me to hook up with other girls. He said I should be smarter than that and it was “just pillow talk.” I cried and cried and told him how sorry I was but I did it “for him.” He said that was bullshit and stormed off and the last thing he said before apparently turning off his phone was “not coming home, need to re-evaluate if this is the relationship for me.”
I’m devasted but can see this going both ways. I didn’t mean to hurt him in fact just the opposite but part of me sees his point.
Am I the asshole here? Please help me see this more clearly. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 116,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 125
} | WRONG |
7O5mbVFaQ1UyPMsOqY3CFN5oRTcVkcXQ | ahwrol | {
"description": "being hurt that my parents gave my sister significantly more help towards her wedding than what they're offering to me for a house",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being hurt that my parents gave my sister significantly more help towards her wedding than what they're offering to me for a house? | I’ll try to keep this as brief as I can while still including the details I think are relevant.
I’m the second of five kids and the oldest daughter. (Hopefully this is not relevant but I’m also the only gay kid and my parents are conservative Christians.) My mom has always said that when it came to weddings, she and my dad wanted to help out each of their kids because they felt that was what the parents were supposed to do. Even in high school I knew I never wanted a big fancy wedding, just something simple and low-key, and several times my mother said if I didn’t want a big wedding, she and my father could contribute towards the down payment of a house instead.
My youngest sister was the first of us to get married last year. She and my BIL were 23, one year out of graduating college. The wedding was extravagant and beautiful and though they tried to cut costs in some places, it was expensive. Leading up to it, my parents threw them a big engagement party and contributed towards an expensive bridal shower at a restaurant. My sister and BIL had a second ceremony in the country where they got engaged, which my parents flew to and also stayed for a few days at a resort so they could attend the ceremony at my sisters’ request. I have no idea what they spent on the wedding itself, but my other siblings and I have guessed anywhere from $10-20k. Side note - my sister is in many ways the stereotypical baby of the family; my parents have always helped her out financially and she has very little understanding of the value of money or financial responsibility.
I’m 32 and got married this past fall. My wife and I had a very small and inexpensive wedding, just immediate family and significant others, in a pavilion we rented out at a public park. We paid for almost everything — park rental fees, photographer, etc. As mentioned before, I never wanted a huge wedding and she was onboard; buying a house together was a much bigger priority for the two of us. We all went out to dinner afterwards and our fathers split the check, which we thanked them for and appreciated, but were prepared to pay for ourselves. We didn’t register for gifts and we got a nice card from my parents, but no formal wedding gift. My wife told her parents to hold off on a gift until we had a house, since we really don’t have space right now, and since our mothers talk a lot, I thought maybe my parents might do the same.
My wife and I have started the homebuying process. Her condo is on the market and we found a house this week we’d like to put an offer on. I’ve worked really hard to save over the course of my career and have lived fairly simply, so between the money I’ve saved and what we’re getting from selling my wife’s condo, we can afford to buy ourselves a decent house in an okay neighborhood. Based on the conversations going back several years with my mother, I was expecting some help from my parents for the down payment, but fortunately we’re not dependent on it. Any help would go a long way since there are so many costs involved beyond the down payment of a house.
My parents told me around the time of my wedding that they wanted to talk about the house/financial stuff at some point but they kept putting it off, which didn’t seem like a good sign. My wife and I met them for lunch yesterday right after making our second visit to the house we’re putting an offer on. They were asking for details about the house and seemed excited for us.
Just as the food arrives, my dad says “Well, your mother and I would like to help you, and we decided that we won’t necessarily give each child the same amount when it comes to weddings and that kind of thing. It should really be based more on need. Like if \[other sister and her boyfriend\] won the Powerball, we maybe wouldn’t even give them anything. So we figured that if you and \[wife\] decided to throw a bigger wedding reception once you have the house, we’ll contribute up to $2000 for food.”
Fortunately I had mentally prepared myself for the conversation to go this way, although I really wasn’t expecting them to say they would help with a party that my wife and I don’t want and never planned to have. My wife and I held it together throughout the rest of the meal and eventually got onto other subjects before leaving. No fighting, no awkward silences, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either.
My wife and I both work in public education — she’s a teacher and I do IT. We don’t make anywhere close to Powerball money and we never will, so I don’t know where that comment came from. My sister is also a teacher while my BIL is an engineer. My BIL probably already earns more than I do, and will certainly have the potential to make more over the course of his career. I mention this because of the “based on need” thing. Had my sister and husband waited a few years, they would have been in the position to pay for a lot more of their wedding, but they decided to marry when they did.
Semi-TL;DR: I feel like my sister wanted a wedding beyond her means and was rewarded for it, while I worked hard and have been carefully managing my finances and I get…the satisfaction of doing it for myself, I guess? I know that on its own, that might sound incredibly entitled, but the main reason I had any expectation of help is that my mom had been suggesting it would be there since I was in high school. (I hate to think this had anything to do with it, but those conversations started when she thought I was straight.)
And it’s not so much the amount of money itself that’s what’s important. I feel like they wanted to help my sister substantially to have her dream wedding, but they don’t think I deserve their help for what I want. It seems like they gave my sister way more money than they could afford to give each kid, and now they’re trying to rationalize why they can’t spend as much on the rest of us and I happen to be the first to find out.
AITA for feeling hurt about this? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uTLYbGRmx3axjTmAE5qFuYZUtRt9cL5W | b4pzuz | {
"description": "assuming leaving on time is fair",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for assuming leaving on time is fair. | Hey all first post here.
Background info:
I work in a hospitals lab with very little patient interaction and no direct care. We are currently super short staffed (down 1/3 for various reasons ). There are several point age positions ranging from contingent to full time and anything in between. On average everyone picks up 4 to 8 extra hours per week to help with the staffing shortages. I myself pick up minimum of 8 scheduled hours per week usually 12( i work nights so i come in 4 hrs early two to three times a week)
The problem.
I want to leave when im supposed to leave. If im scheduled to leave at 7 i want to be clocked out by 7:05 (barring any projects, tasks , emergencies) tue problem is when morning shift comes in and takes their sweet time starting to work( morning chit chat, coffee, slow and waking up ). So the morning rounds begin at 4 and my shift ends at 7. Often i will begin the work at 3 to guarantee it is done or reasonably complete by 7 (the bulk 90+ % done, work always trickles into the lab ) before i leave. We have these older coworkers who take their morning breaks religiously ( not lunch breaks ) and more often im stuck staying late to help with the trickle of work that comes in after im supposed to leave so they can get their breakfast in.
Additional info:
-on nights we only get our 30 min lunch
-numbers alone i do 50-60% of all the morning rounds work, even though there are 2 other people to split the work.
- its usually 30 min to an 1hr after im scheduled to be done that i get to leave because they go slow and won't pull their weight.
I want to leave when its my time. I don't want to stay to help with routine work or to cover for breaks that i don't get. I don't like the morning shift coworkers as colligues or perosnaly so i hold no desire o help them out of good will and I'm already working 12+ hrs of overtime.
TLDR; coworkers are slow, and cause me to stay 30 to 60 min late 3 out of 5 days. I want to leave when im scheduled to not when its convenient for them. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aGseozRgf4CCg3GgMbiJ5hKl6CyX8QUo | atiy8w | {
"description": "asking my guests to sit down when they use my toilet to pee",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for asking my guests to sit down when they use my toilet to pee? | I'm a very clean guy, and I don't always do this myself, but I take care to have good aim when I'm standing up to pee. Any drops left over I'll wipe away with a few squares of toilet paper, especially when I'm at a guest's house.
My landlord hosts a regular "guy's night" every Sunday, and I've become good friends with the guys that come over. Unfortunately, my bathroom doubles as the guest bathroom, and I find myself cleaning substantial quantities of urine that's dripped down the sides of the bowl onto the floor or pooled on the back rim, which I don't think it's necessary or polite to make a host do this.
I half-jokingly, half-seriously suggested that the guys should use the toilet sitting down, and they became noticeably uncomfortable and upset, and the mood of the get-together was tangibly ruined. They made a few jokes about it, but I found out later from my landlord that the guys said they were offended and didn't want to use the bathroom anymore. That wasn't my intent, I thought since I knew them well enough I could make a suggestion and not have it viewed as an insult. Am I the asshole in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
rZ0LCeL9TnMFw91pNEEmrKjlO9XoVwdi | anzl4o | {
"description": "cutting out a close friend for extending an invite to someone I hate",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting out a close friend for extending an invite to someone I hate | This has been eating at me for some time now and I just really need some outside opinions on wether I'm in the wrong here for terminating one of my closest friendships due to a third party. Forewarning, this will be pretty lengthy but if you can stick through it I promise your judgement/opinions will be appreciated greatly. I really need an unbiased person to tell me if I'm an asshole, but I feel like that can't be done without background so if you can, please just stick it out. Like I said, I'd be incredibly thankful for anyones time and feedback regarding this situation.
A few months ago, during my first semester of college, I met four girls who all became close friends of mine. I met the girl who I ultimately cut out, lets call her Kim, in a class of mine along with her roommate. We all clicked pretty well off the bat, but Kim and I especially.
At the same time, I met two other girls in a separate class that I also got along with really well. One of which remains my best friend to this day, lets call her Mel, and the other is the girl I now hate, let's call her Jess. In this class, we realized we had other classes together, and agreed to start sitting with one another in those classes as well. We started sitting with each other in our English class, but I noticed that Jess was pretty standoffish from the get-go, and I noted hints of jealousy when me and Mel would joke around with one another or have side comments during lecture. Jess would often interrupt our side comments to see what we were talking about, or crane her neck over to get in on the conversation which was a bit weird since we all sat in a row and Mel was usually in the middle of us. I figured she just felt left out a bit and should be included in conversation more. This is something that still happens to this day, and I've come to learn that Jess can't tolerate not being included in anything and everything.
Kim and I began getting closer and I invited her to come sit with Mel, Jess, and I in English as well. The first day I invited Kim to come sit with us, Mel was extremely welcoming and friendly to Kim, Jess was standoffish as usual. After the class ended, Kim even mentioned that she felt like Jess disliked her and that there were weird vibes there. I assured Kim that I felt the same way about Jess, but to let it ride out as she lightens up a bit. That night, I got a text from Jess asking if I wanted to grab some coffee. It was a bit odd being she had never spoken to me outside of class, and I couldn't help but notice how the invite came the same day someone new was introduced into the circle. I said yes to coffee, but looking back I wish I hadn't.
The first time we hung out was a shit-show. I could tell that Jess thought it was a blast, but in the hour that we hung out, she somehow managed to use the n-word (she is white), bring up her homophobic beliefs as well as her families', and make sly racist remarks about black people. I am neither black nor gay, so I don't necessarily feel like it is my place to be policing what people can and cannot say regarding these matters.... but my father is a brown-skinned native man who has been called the n-word many times in attempt to dehumanize and embarrass him despite him not even being black, so I understand the negative power that word can hold when said by someone who has never been called that. I have black family members who despise the word so much they don't even allow their own black children to say it casually. Also, my grandfather was a gay man who lost his life to aids and lived a tortured life in the closet for decades... so I really don't give a fuck about what you think is right or wrong in regards to this subject, and I surely don't want to hear about it in a way that makes me feel like you somehow think I will approve of this mindset. As you can see, this really set the tone for my relationship with Jess from here on out.
I immediately went home and had a long conversation with someone from back home that I knew I could trust and basically explained to them that I know it's early to just axe her out, but Jess has obviously shown me that she is someone who I can never expect to understand me on a deeper level, and she sure as hell won't ever understand my family or my moral roots. My friend explained that not every friendship has to be deep, and to set boundaries with her instead of being so cut and dry with my relationships, so I did.
Later, I confided in Kim about my night with Jess and Kim told me that what Jess did really wasn't okay. Kim explained how she also had a strikingly similar family history as me and that Jess's opinions were unnerving to say the least. I assured Kim that I was talking to her in confidence, and that I wanted her to find out her own opinions of Jess and not pre-judge her before getting to know her. Kim said that she was already feeling very excluded by Jess and that she didn't see them ever being real friends, and that aside from my experiences with her, Kim never felt great around Jess anyway and didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to create unnecessary strife.
As Kim and I got closer, we started going out and partying with one another. When partying was introduced to our friendship, I think things really started to go downhill. Looking back, Kim was never really that great of a friend, but I think I put up with a lot more bullshit than I'd like to admit because I really wanted her as a friend. Some things that really hurt me included making out/ dancing on guys at parties that she knew I liked. She'd also blatantly tell me things wouldn't happen that \*did\* happen when I was drunk, in order to twist my reality and make me look like an idiot. To this day she will tell me to my face that I didn't kiss a mutual friend of ours that I had a genuine thing for, even though I \*know\* I kissed him and did so in front of her and her roommate. For what gain? I have no fucking clue..
Our "going out" group was pretty big, so I didn't think much of it when Kim suggested we invite Jess out with us one night. Bigger is always better when it came to the number of people in the group and I figured if Jess got to be too much, creating distance wouldn't be too difficult. I was very wrong. Jess has a boyfriend in another state who she emotionally manipulates in order to make him jealous and chase after her. For example, when she was getting ready, she mentioned that she wanted to just wear some jeans when she went out because she had no one to impress. But when she told her boyfriend she was going out and he asked her what she was wearing, she put on a skin tight black dress and took a picture of her outfit and sent it to him. When he called her and told her he was genuinely worried about her safety wearing something like that to a frat house, she laughed about it and told us that she loves when she makes him jealous. Throughout the night she would go around flirting with guys and take pictures of her hanging on them and send them to her boyfriend, telling him about the new "friends" she made. She would then come up to me and laugh about how mad her boyfriend was getting about the pictures. She even started dancing on a guy and then started bawling and ran out of the house saying that he "forced himself on her" even though I saw her back up onto him with little to no concern about her relationship. Then, she made the whole night about wether she should tell her boyfriend about how she danced with another guy. Insinuating that she wanted to because it would make him jealous, but she didn't want to hurt him. I hope my reasoning for absolutely hating this girl is becoming more transparent, if not crystal-fucking-clear.
When I tried to mention how I was feeling about Jess to Kim, she told me that she just thought I was jealous because Jess was pulling hot guys. I assured her that wasn't the case, and if it was I'd be honest about it. But, I was feeling like Jess was using her looks to manipulate men, including her own boyfriend, and it made me uncomfortable. Kim just kept telling me that she thought I was jealous. I stopped talking to Kim for a few days, and when I calmed down I told her that it felt like she was stomping me out every time I tried to confide in her about how I felt. Kim admitted that it wasn't right for her to jump to that conclusion and to stick to it, she apologized to me and it was over with.
My final straw was one night where Kim invited her out with us and she spent the whole night luring guys into our circle, making them think they had a shot with her, and then publicly rejecting them in front of all of us. I felt like I was the only one seeing the little game she was playing, where her end goal was to make all of the other girls in the group feel less than and to publicly embarrass any of the guys who thought they had a shot at her. As we were walking home, she just kept repeating things like "I can't believe he really said I was the hottest girl out of the group" or "I can't believe that guy just came up and offered me a shot in front of all of you like that, he said he was only giving them to the hot girls." By then I was done and left the group early. I was fuming, drunk, and I didn't want to be around her for another second. I remember leaving the group crying, but trying my hardest not to make a scene. I felt really torn down by the whole thing, and I felt like I was isolated in my opinions about Jess.. which made me feel like I was delusional. The next morning I woke up to texts from everyone in the group checking in on me and assuring me that boxed wine will do that to a girl and that they hoped I felt better in the morning. I got a text from everyone but Kim, the one I am by far the closest to out of the group. This hurt and I decided to put some distance between us.
About a | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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X0o6GclNuy6QWHqH5CBZbfCKtXLJDpIm | a4kztj | {
"description": "refusing to work with my SIL",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For refusing to work with my SIL | I'll keep it short. It's just been playing on my mind and I would like an outsiders point of view and maybe some guidance..
Me and hubby opened our own salon that we both worked. I had our 1st baby last year and cut back working to only 3 days a week. He works the other 4.
A month ago his sister decided she wants to train and has started coming in every day. That's fine we have trainees and apprentices all the time some work out and some don't. I personally don't like SIL she is just someone I don't get along with. Recently she has been telling SO what I have said in the shop. Things that are "banter" with my clients and jokes for example my dad gave me a mini bus to use and one said "you should do taxis" and I said "no, nobody pays me petrol money as it is" this was said light hearted and a joke but she made out to SO that I was bitching about how she never offers money for lifts places. That was just one of many where what I have said has been twisted to make me look bad as if I'm bullying her and no exaggeration every day I work I get an earache when I come home over something I haven't thought twice about saying and it's just made me uncomfortable in my own salon.
My opinion is I built this business and if she were anybody else I either wouldn't have hired her in the first place or would have fired her 2 weeks ago. So I've gone on strike and I am refusing to go to work while she is there. She refuses to not come in on my days and SO feels trapped in a corner and feels like he cannot fire his sister but won't let me fire her either....
AM I The Asshole for going on strike and possibly forcing his hand? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
axdAfQQgOYgc7eVfWfCWShHmv4Liis8b | b5iofy | {
"description": "avoiding a family meal with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I avoid a family meal with my dad. | My mum and Dad divorced when I was 2 and I've grown up with my mum and not alot of contact with my dad - his choice as he moved to a different country. Theres always been a bit of tension over the financial aspect of things, when they split he didn't have alot of money and so child maintenance was pretty low, my mum struggled financially to support us, she'd had a career in the army but as a single mother of two small children had to give that up and so most of my childhood she was working low paid jobs whilst studying to get a better one. Meanwhile my dad became incredibly wealthy when i was around 7 and this year became a millionaire. His child maintenance never increased and as he was in a different country there's not much my mum could do about that. When i started college he started to support me a bit more as well as inviting us out to see him etc and so I decided to just let it all go and focus on myself rather than being jealous of things I didn't have which I have mostly been successful with and I have a good relationship with him now.
However, my dad loves to brag about how much money he has and how successful he is. Which is fair enough he works hard. But in the past six months I've had a baby, had a massive decrease in pay due to maternity and my husband has just managed to find work after being out for six months. We're in massive debt and finding life very difficult. My dad's aware of this and the last time we saw him( a few weeks ago) still sat across the table from us knowing about our trouble bragging about how wealthy he is. I absolutely don't want any money from him, (he's unbearable to owe money to anyway) but I also don't want to sit across a table from him whilst he goes on about all the money he's making, his new car that is equivalent to five years of my entire salary and the two houses he's just bought. Last time I barely managed to contain myself.
I feel like with a new baby and lots of stress I just don't have the patience to sit there and listen to it without starting an argument and I don't want to ruin my relationship with him when in a few months we're likely to be better off and I'll feel so much better so I'd rather avoid the whole meal. However, my sister (from his second marriage) thinks I should go because he doesn't get to see my daughter alot because he lives abroad and I'll be an asshole if i dont give him this opportunity. Will i be the asshole if i avoid this meal? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xP6QIUuCpy9Ri0Xlx35NsK2sXQVsobEH | a0hg6w | {
"description": "asking my wife to hold the Baby while I Pee",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For Asking My Wife To Hold The Baby While I Pee? | So, today is my day off (my only one for the week due to how my work schedule works) and my 10 month old daughter decided she wanted to stay up late, which is probably because of her cold. Because I usually work nights I didn't mind staying up with her.
Not a big deal, but today is my day off and I was expecting her to go to bed at her usual time. So I drank a little and it caught up with me. Another issue was that my daughter didn't want to be out down and I really didn't want to bring her into the bathroom with me. So, I went to my room and asked my wife to hold her for a second.
She was not happy. In part, I think, because me being home is her day off too (in a sense) and another part because she was tired herself.
She still took the baby and I did my business, taking a bit longer to make a bottle with some Benadryl for the kid. Again, not happy about the delay and just took the bottle away from me and wouldn't let me take our daughter back to the bedroom.
Was I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
pDJNTbIj9fNbSwCTnI62dLN6DW45aJ8v | b2dutf | {
"description": "purposefully avoiding a kid who I find very annoying",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For purposefully avoiding a kid who I find very annoying? | Alright so some backstory required:
I am a 15 y/o guy who finds one child who has been "forced" into my life, and I am purposefully trying to avoid him.
&#x200B;
This kid has aspergers, and gets bullied often. I defend him, but there are reasons why he is bullied(Mainly that society is cruel and shitty). He constantly talks about his new videogame/book/character ideas, and has a very nasally voice. Is nasally an accent? Because if so, he has it. I have him for only 2 periods, which is nice, but 0 would be better. I feel guilty when I do nothing when he's bullied, but I do prevent shit talk behind his back. Am I the asshole for not wanting to be around him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nyO9zsmR1vSM1A3pmQRlgWZz5xkfNLPi | aw7mlh | {
"description": "sacking the nanny",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for sacking the nanny? | Hello everyone!
Here's my story:
I have two sons, the older is 8, the younger is 7. I used to be a single mom for years. I found a great nanny 5 years ago, who helped me out a great deal ever since. She looked after them on weekends, picked them up from school, took care of them during holidays etc.
We became somewhat friends over the years, and she insisted taking the kids all the time.
I tried to stay within reasonable limits and pay her as agreed, even though she never wanted to accept my money. Obviously, I insisted.
I usually had this feeling that she is overly friendly with me because I'm a stable source of income, but I hushed these feelings away as she truly handled the kids well and they loved going there.
Fastforward a couple of years. I'm about to get married now to a great guy who has been living with us for two years. He works from home so bringing the kids to the nanny once a week was more for keeping our routine and not pressuring my fiancée into watching my kids. We are planning kid no. 3 and thought it would be handy to keep the nanny for the future as well.
The problem started yesterday. We came back from a 5 day trip with my SO and picked the boys up from her place. I asked them how everything went and they (mostly the little one) told me that they don't want to go anymore because the nanny's husband gets upset often and he is scary. They said that he hits them and his own kids when they don't behave well in the car, and later precised that he never actually hit them, just threatened them. I should also mention that my kids have rich imagination and they do indeed tell white lies.
I figured it's best to go to the nanny with the kids to clear things out, knowing that she is veeeeery easily offended. I warned the kids to only tell the truth and to express their feelings to her, so it doesn't come from me.
In the end, she raised her voice and got really upset with my little one, saying that her husband is upset sometimes but he would never hurt anyone (I believe her), and that my youngest plays the baby to manipulate me. I understood that the whole thing was overreacted, but since the little one cried histerically today and yesterday as well, and he made me promise that he would not have to return to her place, I asked for her advice.
I told her that I believe her, but I cannot ignore my son's emotions and I would feel like a terrible motjer if I forced him to stay with her. I asked if she has any advice for me.
At this stage she pulled her pokerface and told me that she was deeply disappointed that I side my 7 year-old instead of a grown woman and she made up her mind not to have anything to do with me or my children ever again.
I apologized but stood my ground and left. I made the kids say thank you and had them realize how much she has done for them/us over the years. She didn't bat an eye.
Any advice/opinion would be greatly appreciated | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
wv35bkvMoo3wxoCp7HCZaZVC2hEmJuEG | actp4o | {
"description": "being angry with my girlfriend for agreeing to be another man's wedding date",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being angry with my girlfriend for agreeing to be another man's wedding date? | Hi r/AmItheAsshole
Recently a friend of ours was invited by a friend of his to attend his wedding. I do not know the couple getting married, but I am good friends with the guy who got invited. On his invitation, it says that guests are encouraged to bring their 'partners/dates'. Neither of us really have any female friends other than my girlfriend, so he decided to ask her to be his date. And to my discomfort, she agreed.
Now I trust my girlfriend, and I do believe my friends intentions are pure, but I still feel uncomfortable that she would agree to be another man's date to a wedding. In particular, I'm uncomfortable with the fact that the wedding is in another town, and they would be sharing a hotel room.
I asked him if he would consider asking someone else, but he doesn't seem to understand why I am uncomfortable with him taking her as his date, and he said he would be happy to take someone else if my girlfriend did not want to go.
My girlfriend does not seem to understand why I am uncomfortable either. She LOVES weddings and is very excited to go, and she doesn't see anything wrong with being his guest. This has led to us getting in a few arguments/fights, with her saying that it's just me being jealous and paranoid and that I don't trust her. And us fighting over me not wanting her to go only seems to be pushing her more towards wanting to go.
So I am starting to wonder whether I am really just being paranoid about the situation, since both of them can't see anything wrong with it. Am I the asshole?
TL;DR: Girlfriend agreed to be my friends date to a wedding in another town where they would be sharing a hotel room. I am uncomfortable with this and my girlfriend thinks I am just being jealous. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
3cxYTHJXEBviX60wSLej8bVzCywNffDj | b6e9ls | {
"description": "asking my boyfriend not to tell an ex-friend any of my personal business anymore",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I asked my boyfriend not to tell an ex-friend any of my personal business anymore? | Long story short, I don't like her or her husband anymore. They're lazy and always back out of things but always expect you to do stuff with them in return.
I've extended my hand and suggestions to them many a time only for them to go with "We're tired" or "Nahh" but they always say "You should x with us" or "Hey, maybe play x, it's a cool game and we're playing it, you should pay money and play the same game we play" but ask them the same in return and it's always no.
I don't consider that good companionship, not for me anyway. And the wife is a self-admitted control freak that I want nothing to do with.
Her husband and I are cool, we talk about surface level things and that's exactly how I prefer them to be. Why? Because he also gives advice that I never ask for, it's so patronizing like "Come here little baby sit on my lap and lemme tell you about big adult stuff".
Also, the wife always finds out about whatever I'm talking to him about and again, comes to my DMs with pouty emotes and advice that I never asked for, and I'm appalled that she takes it upon herself to take the role of advice-giver for stuff I never talked to her about. Husband does the same thing, so
So I'm considering telling my boyfriend "Hey, please please do me a favor and don't mention any of *my* personal business to them. Not about jobs, not about any developments in my life, nothing. If they ask, 'She's fine!' and leave it at that. You can talk about *our* business but as far as anything going on with me, leave it out."
I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole already, but goodness gracious I get angrier the more I think about them knowing anything about me. It's highly irritating having a random message like "Oh, hey, sorry to hear about xyz even though you never discussed it with me."
I just like my privacy, especially from people that I do not care to associate with anymore.
tl;dr: the couple is annoyingly condescending and I don't want them to know any of my personal business anymore. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LF0WwwZHqYIT5nIBAqJV9MFuDl7h47Bn | aiba2q | {
"description": "getting upset over theater reserved seating",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA For getting upset over theater reserved seating | Saturday I went to see Aquaman with my SO again as she was having a tough time and just needed to relax and destress for a bit. She jumps out of her funk after I ask her if we want to go see aquaman again and she's super excited to go.
We get to the theater which you get to choose your seats when you buy tickets, and I choose seats and I know are where she likes to sit. Walk in and there's two kids in our seats, and when I mean kids, I mean like maybe a 7 and a 9 yr old. No parents nearby.
Politely I ask if they are in the wrong seats and they just stare up at me and the one meekly says 9... okay, I ask them where their parent are and they both shrug. I look at their tickets which are out and their just one off from where they should be, I start explaining to them where they should be sitting and their parents arrive behind me and are clearly upset I'm talking to their kids.
I try to explain, quietly to these parents their kids are in my seat and they counter back that they understand but they want to sit as a family. I understand, and compromise that I'll take their seats in the middle (which they have started setting up in) and the wife goes: No I have a neck issue I can't sit on the outside.
I'm upset but my SO tugs on my jacket so I don't make a scene and I say fine, I scowl at the woman while saying it trying to show I'm upset with her. Movie starts and and I look around the theater and there's quite a few spots with 4 seats in a row, they could have chose at least three other places to sit, I'm fuming but my SO is enjoying the movie as are the other goers so I keep quiet. The kids sitting next to me are getting on my nerves though, they don't stop talking, moving, or playing with the recliner buttons all movie.
Whatever, movie ends I get up to leave and the parents audibly talk to their kids "See there's still nice people in the world that will accommodate you if you ask nicely."
NOPE! NOT HAVING IT!
Instantly flip on my heels, "Yes, I try to help out parents who clearly don't know how to set good examples."
"Excuse me, are you saying I'm a bad mother."
"No, just a bad person."
"You can't talk to my wife that way."
"I can and did, I'd say more but I don't want to upset your kids, have a nice evening though, hope to never see you again." SO tugs at my sleeve so I just start walking away.
They yell at me from behind about how they're going to get employees and get me banned and how people need to accomadate families in family friendly films and blah blah blah. I keep walking and leave the theater.
The dad tries yelling at me across the parking lot, I look at my SO who gives me the look of "Please don't" so I just get in the car and drive away. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 36,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
3qAGW6mUsnQcS403QE1zBEg83QZNOVd3 | awagco | {
"description": "sleeping with someone my friend has feelings for if those feelings aren't reciprocated",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for sleeping with someone my friend has feelings for if those feelings aren’t reciprocated? | I hang out at a bar with a group of friends constantly. A couple months ago, I learned that one friend, we’ll call her Jessica, slept with another friend, we’ll call him Eric. Jessica likes Eric but Eric doesn’t want to be with Jessica. Eric has made this clear to Jessica.
Jessica and I had a heart-to-heart one night and she told me that she wanted to be with Eric but he didn’t feel the same way. I consoled her and tried to be a good friend.
About a month after this talk, Eric and I are drinking at the bar and end up at his house. Things happen, we’re adults.
The next morning, I’m sick with guilt. I didn’t want Jessica to think that I’d betrayed her friendship or intentionally done something to hurt her. The below texts ensued.
Me: Hey. I know this is out of the blue but I have something to tell you that I would rather you hear from me and not someone else. I was out drinking last night and I made a mistake. I hope you understand how much I cherish having you in my life and I don't want this to ruin the friendship that we have. I'm so sorry and I don't want this to come between us but I'll understand if it does and I'm taking full responsibility for my actions. Eric and I went back to his place after the bar last night and it got physical. I know that you have a history with him and feelings for him and I shouldn't have let anything happen. I'm not sure of what else to say but I hope you can forgive me.
Jessica: I dont know what to say.
Me: You don't have to say anything. I debated whether or not to tell you but I felt like it was the right thing to do. I didn't want it coming back around to you through someone else like I was intentionally trying to hide it from you and I never intended to hurt you. I'm just sorry, and I know that might not mean much but I hope at some point we can be okay again.
Eric has already told me that Jessica has told our other friends and she’s really upset. I tried to be honest and upfront. I’m not sure what else I can do at this point. None of our other friends have said anything to me and I’m afraid to show up at the bar and be ostracized. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
CdnhcpqO7cMj5TiNyc1RP4s6HxsTnCHl | aksomt | {
"description": "changing my mind on having another baby",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for changing my mind on having another baby? | I have been thinking that I do not want another baby. My wife and I talked about kids after marriage, we usually said we probably both wanted 4 give or take.
Well we have three now, youngest 2 and a half y/o. My wife, for whatever reason, really wants another baby now. I think it’s because her sister just had a baby honestly and it’s making her want another one.
I told her, I think I’m done. The thing is, we did talk about kids before and did agree pretty much on both wanting 4.
Now that we have three, I can’t imagine another one. We could afford another baby, but of course it’s going to cost more money. I have three kids and they’re just a handful.
My wife, said she’s going to get off bc soon so we could have our fourth... I’m like slow your roll here. She’s upset because I did agree to four kids. The other day I told her I’m done having kids after she talked about birth control, and it got kind of heated.
She said I went back on my word, and that we agreed to have four kids. Why can’t she be happy with three? Why is she so set out I’m having four kids?
Do I really owe her another kid because I agreed earlier? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CilaEWFhwUNK2QAeSto46HoQHKoiMGll | b6ifjy | {
"description": "letting ducks occupy the fish pond",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for letting ducks occupy the fish pond? | We have a middle-sized pond where a few goldfishes live.
&#x200B;
Now, for the past two years, a pair of ducks stops by usually for a few weeks during early spring, and i felt quite lucky to provide them some space to rest and the casual snack in between ;)
&#x200B;
Now, this year, it kinda gets out of control. the ducks are here now for almost two months, they brought some friends over (one day i counted about 10 of them…) and obviously, the fishes are pretty scared.
&#x200B;
i try to feed them regularly, but at the moment i cannot really get them to come out of hiding, even when there are no ducks around.
&#x200B;
so, should i be the asshole to the ducks and try to get rid of them? or should i neglect the fishes?
&#x200B;
PS: sorry for my english, non-native speaker! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
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