id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
WLM1CQNN67zjQZ6c4ktSo9WanBRMKeqv | am7abo | {
"description": "comforting my brother rather than taking my, then, girlfriend out in a date",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for comforting my brother rather than taking my, then, girlfriend out in a date. | Okay so this is my first post so I hope I get it right.
Some things I want to clarify first. Me and my then girlfriend (ex) had been together for about a year and a half at this point. I know this happened almost a year ago but I need to know for certain because it’s killing my mind.
Okay so now the story, basically I promised her that I would take her out for a nice meal on a set date, so we talked it through and booked it about 2 months in advance. It was at a posh place and would’ve cost me my months wages but it would of spoiled her and made her happy so I could get around that. I’d bought nice clothes and she’d got a nice dress and all was going well.
Up until the night before where, extremely tragically, one of my brothers closest friends died in a traffic collision. I didn’t know about this news until about 12ish the following day, about an hour before I was to pick her up. When I heard the news I immediately phoned her and told her I had to cancel and I explained the situation to her and saying that “I want to be here for him as much as I can incase he needs anything”. Expecting to hear a “yeah sure that’s fine I hope he’s okay”, I waited. Only to be on the receiving end of a less than pleased “K” before the call ended.
About an hour later texts from her started coming through saying “you’ve ruined my day” “you never take me anywhere you always make up excuses” “you don’t love me, you never have” “I should just fucking die cos you wouldn’t care” and the like from her. As well as “you’re the worst boyfriend” “ you’re so heartless” “how could you do such a thing to her” and others from her friends and family. I’m talking about mum, brother, sister, her whole friendship group. All calling me an asshole for it.
I’m usually not swayed by general angry comments, I’m rather stubborn so I can mostly brush it off but this really hit me hard and made me question whether I did the right thing or whether I was the asshole here.
Please help, idk just need an answer to put the whole thing I rest in my mind as nearly a year later I’m still not over it. Many thanks :) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XdoVmQHwrN24ZYZEgTGFBlM6LvPTQyIY | 9zcfxn | {
"description": "not wanting roomie to grow marijuana in our living room",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting roomie to grow marijuana in our living room? | Note that this happened in Colorado -- Recently I moved into a new place, a 2 bedroom apartment with a person already occupying the other room. I moved my coffee table and entertainment center + TV into the living room but had no couch as I sold my old one while looking for a bigger one. So I did not use the TV when I moved in and have not used it for the 2 weeks I've been here. The main living area and kitchen are mostly occupied by things owned other guy. He doesn't clean up after he cooks so there are dirty plates and pots everywhere and he set up his yoga equipment in the living area and it covers around 85% of the space. He pushed my coffee table and TV off to the side to do this.
I mentioned to him that I wanted to buy and bring a couch in to round out the look of the place a few times after moving in, but today he told me he wants to set up his pot growing racks & equipment in the living room. I should have said no right away, but instead I asked him if that was gonna allow enough room for a couch, a table and the TV. He said he doesn't want a couch and would not appreciate me blasting movies while he was trying to sleep, which is weird because at this point he knows I work 6-7 days a week on the graveyard shift. So when he's asleep I'm gone, and when I get home I go to sleep and wake up while he's at work.
Am I an asshole for not wanting this guy to grow his pot in our living room and being a little taken aback that he doesn't want a proper place to sit down and lounge around a bit? Am I just to retreat into my room and be as non-disruptive as possible? I'm 30 and have lived alone for most of my life, so I'm unsure how to handle this roommate? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
a4onhorNyHoTj9VJ0ZFsv0qPA198L5N9 | b9w9ac | {
"description": "not coming in when I'm not schedule to work",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not coming in when I’m not schedule to work? | I’m the manager who is probably really underpaid, but too scared to leave.
Today is one of our busier days (lent = people eating a lot of poke aka fish)
My bf is my head kitchen and 95% of the time I’ll take him to work. This morning I was too tired / sick to do so. He ubered and I was planning to show up later to help him if needed.
I am not scheduled to work so I don’t get paid even if I do show up. He keeps texting me to do things I’m not getting paid to do (do delivery / GM is there) it’s like if I don’t do it no one will.
I’m getting increasingly frustrated and stressed out because of it. I’ve been basically working for free for over 10 hours this week and no one seems to care. He makes me feel bad for wanting to go home when I’m not scheduled.
I feel like he’s gaslighting me by bringing up the apartment issue we have. Stuff about not working and not caring. It’s really hard to care about your store when you aren’t given enough time to do anything you need to.
I feel like I’m being a brat for just laying in bed while I’m pretty sick. I feel like I’m letting my employee down and it makes me feel so bad. I’m just so tired and I’m not getting paid so why come?
AITA here?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
F8nPh46olNHx6cdyTE4FfwN8GuU56bDq | aaghh4 | {
"description": "giving my brother an ultimatum with his drinking",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving my brother an ultimatum with his drinking? | My brother and I live together and share the house 50-50, my brother recently lost his job because of alcohol. He was called in for a random and was still “drunk” from the night before, he blew high enough for our DoT drug test to lose his job.
He has been drinking more and more lately and has friends over and is quite disrespectful with noise, one night came to a head and I told him, neither he or his friends could have alcohol in this house anymore, he agreed.
Since then I have caught him multiple times breaking our agreement thus leading to me telling him, it will not happen again or I am moving out and unfortunately moving back to our parents taking my name off the house and leaving him with all the bills.
AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
93k7AMVpa4dB4w7fmPFWRsdNHjqosAv8 | ag4s4b | {
"description": "not believing my wife has adhd",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not believing my wife has ADHD | I love my wife. She is a wonderful mother and great partner. But lately she has been convinced she has undiagnosed ADHD. She has been going to counseling for a few months now to resolve some personal past issues. When she brought ADHD to her Dr. and the counselor they both told her they don't see it, but she could go to X specific Dr. For a formal diagnosis.
I feel like I've been more than reasonable with all of this, and I'm even okay with her going to X Dr. But I feel like she is using this possibility as an excuse for some really bad habits she has developed other the years and as a cover for some deep-seated emotional scarring from her child hood. She asked me today I think she has ADHD, and thankfully I skirted the question with a child emergency. But I can feel it coming again. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I83lP08dnAnqWLPPXOnnR3Vxq1Xp6Euy | a0tx76 | {
"description": "refusing to talk to my mother",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to talk to my mother? | There’s lots of backstory to this, obviously, but I’m trying to keep it short.
My mum left my dad a little over a year ago completely out of the blue. At some point she started an affair with a married man that went on for a couple of months. She drank too much (considering she has to take some pretty heavy medication for an unrelated issue) and started doing (soft) drugs. The guy broke up with her twice. She responded by attempting suicide both times. I cleaned up after her (both literally and figuratively) each time. The first time she did it, my father helped me take care of her; the second time I did it all on my own. I washed her bloody clothes (she didn’t want me to throw them away), wiped her kitchen floor, made sure she was transferred to a hospital close to home, settled everything with the police (she committed a few minor crimes during the second attempt) and so on. When she was admitted to the psych ward, I took an unpaid week off of work so I could make sure she had everything she needed — I paid for all her stuff myself, with money I don’t have (she told me she’d pay me back once she got out, but she never did.) I was the only one who visited her (almost every day) because the rest of the family „felt too uncomfortable“ to go see her.
Eventually, she asked my dad to come talk to her. She suddenly wanted to come home, to fix their marriage. At this point he had been in a serious relationship with another woman for months, and he told her No in the nicest way possible. The next day, during my visit, I told her she needed to let go. I also told her that I’d been operating way past my breaking point for weeks and I couldn’t take any more of this. She said, „I know.“
Fast forward to the weekend: It’s the first time she’s allowed to leave the clinic. I’m living with my dad while I’m writing my bachelor’s thesis and I’m home alone. She still has our house key and uses it to let herself in. She starts yelling at me immediately — how could I be so cruel to her, how could I allow my father to have his girlfriend over and so on. I try to calm her down but she’s having none of it. She walks into the kitchen, takes the biggest knife out of the drawer and uses it to slash a painting on the wall. Next she gets a hammer and starts smashing things — dishes, picture frames, family heirlooms. All the while I’m begging her to stop and she just plainly does not care. I finally threaten to call the police. She throws her keys at me, says, „Have a nice life“ and leaves.
It’s been three months and I haven’t talked to her since that day. I don’t *want* to talk to her. According to my older brother, who still sees her once in a while (apparently she’s moved in the meantime but she explicitly told him not to tell me where she lives now), she doesn’t think she did anything wrong. My grandma called to tell me that my mum is lonely and devastated and I should just „grow up, show some empathy and go talk to her,“ but I just *can’t* do the whole „Let’s just pretend nothing ever happened and/or manipulate you into feeling guilty for some reason“ thing that my mother always does. I’m all out of energy and on top of everything that’s happening I’m also trying to finish my university degree *right now.*
For the first couple of weeks I was very(!) sure that I was justified in setting boundaries, but my family doesn’t think so. I’ve been called irrational for expressing that I was scared when she took the knife, cruel for insisting that she „humiliates herself further“ by apologising for her actions, selfish for putting my own mental health before hers, heartless for insisting that she needs some serious psychological help before I can even *think* about reconciling with her. I stood my ground through all of this and now no one talks to me anymore. Not a single person is taking my side. Even my brother was just like „Well I guess that’s your decision.“ I’ve been explicitly told not to expect any help if I’m ever in trouble and I’ve been uninvited from every family celebration, including Christmas.
I feel so fucking lonely and I’m starting to wonder if they’re right and it’s my fault and I should just give in. I know she’s had a tough life and it's not really her fault that she’s mentally unstable. I know she needs help (but I think I have neither the energy nor the psychological expertise required to give her that help). I'm scared she's going to hurt herself again because of me. I switch back and forth between feeling furious about the way she’s been treating me and cold, selfish and ungrateful for thinking about it like that. Did I overreact because I’m so stressed out about everything? My family pretty obviously thinks I’m the asshole. Am I?
​
EDIT: No one's going to read this, probably, but I just wanted to apologise. I got kind of overwhelmed with the response I got and stopped replying to people. I wasn't expecting the unanimous NTA judgement at all. A few of you suggested I should check out /r/raisedbynarcissists, which I did. I've also read a book or two on NPD and BPD and I've been recognising our family dynamics in a lot of those texts. This all feels very strange. Everything that was supposed to be normal suddenly fits into this pattern of a fundamentally dysfunctional family. I'm still trying to sort through my feelings about all of this.
Meanwhile, my mother insists that she never said a bunch of things and we misunderstood the things she did say. I've contacted neither her nor anyone on her side of the family. Thank you all for taking the time to write a response to my post. I truly appreciate it, even though I never replied to most of your comments and PMs.
Also, I'm one of the people who get really annoyed with those posts on this sub where the OP is clearly NTA and just looking for validation, so, uh. Sorry. I learnt a few things about how being in the middle of a situation can apparently really fuck up your perspective of things. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 35,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Bs3JXdPv2y4m79WxvhG309KJne7cvGSU | askzdi | {
"description": "posting asian jokes on IG",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for posting Asian jokes on IG? | So I posted a very brief video clip on Instagram of an old comedy reel bit (I won't post here because I'm not trying to dupe people into views or anything, but it's still up). The bit was a dipshit businessman meeting a Japanese counterpart and he can't stop saying vaguely offensive things ("I'm so solly" and Pearl Harbor references). As soon as he hears it come out of his mouth, he backtracks, apologizes and just sort of wallows in his own ineptitude. The gag is the idiot at work who never learns his lesson. Not exactly high concept comedy, but also nothing that hasn't happened on the Office ten times before.
​
So my cousin completely ETHERS me, talking about how could someone who's gone to "comedy school" think it was a good idea to post it, it's racist, did I ever think of our Japanese relatives, it's disgusting, it's an abomination, etc. etc. I haven't responded and probably won't, but my stance is that just because something is racial, it's not necessarily racist. With me, it's all about who or what is the punchline. I was doing a fictional character and the punchline is his lack of self-awareness and inability to change himself. It's not like I was just up there rattling off Chinese knock-knock jokes.
​
So. Is my cousin overreacting? Am I actually racist? Is anything racial off limits for white comedians? Even if out-of-touch white people are the joke? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
k6uNWUt8UfR7fi3U7kNupsohiEgemcEm | b9mj9g | {
"description": "not liking my bf's friends? a few weeks ago I was meeting my boyfriend and his two friends (a couple) at a concert around 8 or 9pm",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not liking my bf’s friends? A few weeks ago I was meeting my boyfriend and his two friends (a couple) at a concert around 8 or 9pm. | We live on opposite ends of town so we agreed to all Uber separately and meet there. They all arrived around the same time, and I was running about 10 minutes late.
I told my bf to go on inside, but quickly changed my mind and asked him to please wait for me. I was anxious about a number of things and asked if he could just wait because I needed him to. He said no. I got upset. And then he got upset and said I was being “selfish”.
I was bummed the whole night and we ended up leaving separately. I now don’t like the couple for not being able to wait 10 min before entering the concert venue and leaving me to enter on my own. Am I the asshole for being upset at my bf and disliking the couple? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
jFScgwvnKdF0f22IkNqVBaagp57QiyZs | aza39n | {
"description": "telling a friend of mine that he needs to be careful with his Crosley because they ruin vinyl",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a friend of mine that he needs to be careful with his Crosley because they ruin vinyl? | I was hanging out with this friend of mine and we were talking about some random stuff, but for some reason he tells me that his father is planning on buying him a Crosley Record Player, to which I responded
"Nah dude those things suck man."then he replied:
" Why?"
" Cause those things will destroy your Vinyl"
He clearly didn't enjoyed the fact that I pretty much destroyed his expectations for his gift, but still I felt like I had to tell him that they ruin records.
Was I the asshole for telling him that? I feel like as a friend he should at the very least know that... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
pvkrIJ66eC7gZYDsYmIu6JQ6yneMWZeR | 9tfl8r | {
"description": "asking my friend to use his family's cabin for sex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I asked my friend to use his family's cabin for sex? | Throwaway because I'm like 90% sure I would be an asshole in this situation but I want to ask anyway because I have no other ideas.
​
So I've been talking to this girl for a while and we're hitting it off, planning on meeting up sometime soon for the aforementioned reason.
​
Problem is, we're both community college students that live with our parents, so our houses are out of the question. However, my friend's family has a cabin that he sneaks into and uses for parties & other things he doesn't want to do at his house.
​
Would I be an asshole if I asked him to use it? I fully expect him to say no but I kind of want to on the off chance he'll say yes, but I also don't want to be a dick. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
5G01ezoV4mnQ77zE3PoXxh8ESL8yeXra | az3np9 | {
"description": "lying to my parents about living with my fiancé before we are married",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for lying to my parents about living with my fiancé before we are married | My boyfriend and I are planning to get engaged within this year. He (26) m is finishing graduate school a semester before I (25) f and will be moving to a bigger city where I will be joining him. We’ve discussed getting a place together and I’ve always underscored how important that it is we are engaged before we move in together.
My boyfriend and I currently live across the country from my family and when we eventually move we will still be on the opposite coast. My parents have only visited me once in my time here and my mom has made it clear that she hates the city I will be moving too and doesn’t want to visit.
My boyfriend and I equally want to get engaged and married— we are on the same page with this. I’ve also shared with him how important engagement is before we live together operating under the assumption my parents would be okay with this situation.
However, when I was home for the holidays my mom made it clear that engagement doesn’t equal marriage. This came as a surprise to me, albeit we haven’t discussed this much before so I was apparently making incorrect assumptions. I brought up the fact that my boyfriend and I may have a quick ceremony within the year, before we plan our big destination wedding, as we are not totally sure when in the next two years he will have enough time off work to make this wedding a reality. She then proceeded to say two different things...
First, she gave a throwaway “Well, it’s your life and you can do what makes you happy... and I’m sure you won’t tell me what you decide.” *insert guilt trip*
Second, the following week, she said again how engagements are not marriages and living together without being married is “risky” because you don’t have a legal commitment, but, “do what I want.”
I come from a traditional religious family and my parents know nothing about my sex life as they believe everyone should wait till marriage. Tbh this is more of my mother’s issue than my dad as he tends to stay out of such personal matters.
I’ve thought a lot about this and it stresses me out a ton because I love my mom and I don’t want this to be a wedge in our relationship. I haven’t had the heart to talk to my bf about my mother’s comments as he is not religious and I think he thinks a lot of this is silly— not in a disrespectful way, but more ‘I have no personal experience with this sort of situation way.’
I haven’t taken many hard stances with religion when it comes to my mother. The possible exception being that my bf is agnostic and I have always been clear about not wanting to date super religious people. I identify as religious, myself, but more as a cultural and personal experience, and I think some of my mom’s attitude are outdated. (This is my own take, and I don’t judge anyone who is more or less religious than I. Everyone’s faith is their own.)
WIBTA for not disclosing to my parents where I’m living after my boyfriend and I move in together? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
vjGx8WOIG5wTSGcFLG0ZypmihdRxJOwF | ashlqw | {
"description": "wanting to call the cops on my grandpa-in-law",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to call the cops on my grandpa-in-law? | My husband and I have just moved to Singapore and started living with my grandparents (it’s his parents’ place but his mom’s parents live there too). My grandfather-in-law has Parkinson‘s and it has gotten extremely bad the last few months when his medication is no longer as effective as it was before. For some reason, he managed to get his driver’s license renewed last year.
His driving was already bad 2 years ago when I married into the family and let him drive me since I didn’t know how bad his condition was. He nearly hit the gates while driving out and kept stopping way too late at every stop, usually ending up with half the car sticking past the line. He couldn’t even park straight, and the best he could do after more than 20 min of trying was to park the car at a 45° angle.
We’ve told him he can’t drive anymore and he claims he doesn’t, but we know he’s lying (car parked in a different spot, new dents on the car, etc.). A few months ago, he hit a stationary motorcyclist just because his reaction time is too slow, but the guy declined to press charges or call the police because he felt bad for the old man.
He’s really going to kill someone soon, but my in-laws’ stance is that it’s just a few more months until he has to retake his driving test, so we should just wait for him to fail that and that’ll put an end to his driving. However, that’s what they said last year, and somehow, he managed to pass the test. I really have no idea how that was possible since everyone in the family agreed he has not been fit to drive for years.
My mom-in-law insists he promised he won’t drive again anymore, but he’s been saying that for months and yet he keeps secretly driving. She’s getting really upset with my husband & I for being “disrespectful” when we get upset about his lying and insists we need to be more understanding of how hard it is for “a man to lose his freedom”.
I really want to report him to the police to get his license revoked, and maybe even get them to investigate the person who keeps letting him pass his driving tests, but even my husband thinks this would be too much of an asshole move. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HkIemLxNEAJWlq9hXJbCxEOkSwUNsj1j | b0dujq | {
"description": "not wanting my younger brother to have his friends over",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my younger brother to have his friends over? | As context I am 19 years old M, my younger brother is 16 years old. He is in high school and I am in university. We both live at home with our strict black parents. We both live in Canada where the age to drink/smoke weed is 19. Some of this info may be unnecessary, but I am not really sure what kind of context you guys need to make your judgement.
My parents are leaving for a week on vacation and leaving me and my brother at home alone. He wants to have his friends over and smoke/drink while they are gone.
I don't want him to do this for multiple reasons. Firstly I don't want him to do this as him and his friends are all minors and I am the only adult there so if somehow the cops show up (I know unlikely) I will most likely get in a lot of trouble. Secondly I don't like the idea of lying to my parents as they are trusting me to make sure this kind of stuff does not happen. My parents and I have a pretty good relationship and I know if I let him do this and they found out they would never trust me. Lastly I don't want any of his friends to break stuff in our house or the neighbours asking my parents why people are coming over and have to worry about making up some lie to cover up (I guess this is the same as not wanting to lie).
He is saying that them coming over has no effect on me (which is kind of true) and that I am being a party pooper. I don't mind if he smokes/drinks at his friends but I don't feel comfortable with him doing this at our house.
I choose not to smoke/drink (if that is relevent) but I don't care if others do. My main problem is with it happening at our house. Regardless I will get final say as to whether this happens or not, as if I tell him not to have them over he won't, but he might keep his plans to himself in the future (which is fine I guess).
So am AITA with a stick up his ass or are my reasons for wanting my brother to not have his friends over reasonable. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yUxJ9GRT8GvjwPDdqzrsXjaClUAKjz6p | akkpll | {
"description": "not bonding with my father",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not bonding with my father? | The title makes me seem like an asshole, but hear me out. If it turns out that I am an asshole, then I will accept my judgement.
​
So, my parents are divorced (they have been as long as I can remember) and my mom raised me, my younger sister, and older brother mostly on her own. For a while (and to this day) my sister and I would visit my father on the weekends (my older brother didn't come since he and my dad weren't biologically related like me and my sister, and other reasons). He lived about two hours away from us, so he would pick us up and take us to his house. We'd stay there for the weekend and he'd drop us back at our house on Sunday.
​
When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade my dad retired from the military. This didn't really change much, because we still only saw him on weekends, but I feel this should be mentioned.
​
When I started 5th grade my mom, brother, sister and I moved in with my dad. This wasn't much of an issue for my dad, since the majority of the time he was never home (because of his job). When he was home (usually a weekend, but sometimes during the week) my mother would disappear and return a little before my father left for work (I don't remember what my brother would do, but I don't remember him being at the house when my dad was). So, basically I still only saw my dad on the weekend.
​
During December my brother moved to Washington (long story) and nothing changed much other than my dad would care for us (my sister and I) during the week more often. This stays the same for most of sixth grade.
​
Now, you may or may not be asking this question "What about the summer and/or other breaks". I spend summers in Washington with my grandma and other family, winter breaks are spent mostly with my mom (with my dad with us for a little less than a week). I spent spring breaks in NY with my dad and his side of the family.
​
Now I'm gonna explain a little more about what we do when we're with my dad. He never really tried to bond with us. He would just take us to a movie or something and buy us stuff. I'm grateful that I have a father that cares for us, I just haven't built that relationship that a father and son should have. Most of the time it ends up being more brother-sister bonding than father-son bonding.
​
I never tried to forced myself to bond with him because:
1) Before now I didn't realize how damaging it was to our relationship.
2) I never felt I needed to because I barely see him anyway.
​
When I started this school year my mother moved with her boyfriend, two hours from where my dad lives. And where our mom goes, my sister and I must follow.
​
Recently my father started noticing that I don't have a good relationship with him. He would text me and I wouldn't respond (Which I will admit is asshole-ish of me, but I've gotten better) and whenever we'd see him in person I don't talk to him or ask for advice. Whenever we see him he always lectures me about how I'm ungrateful, and how I don't listen to him. My mother told me that I made him cry by not responding to his texts, so after that I tried to put more effort into responding to his texts. One weekend he told me that I don't treat him the same way I treat my mother, which is true since I spend much more of my time with her.
​
I try really hard to treat him like a son should treat his father, but he makes it a bit difficult. I don't really like talking to people, and most of the time I just want to be alone. Even when I'm home, I spend most of my time in my room and only come out to eat or use the restroom. When he tries to bond with me when I'm in "Leave me alone" mode, it really annoys me (The same goes for my mother). Most of the time it's hard for me to even see him as my dad. I still love him, but I just have a hard time connecting with him like I should. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault because my sister has a great relationship with him, unlike me.
​
My mother and sister make me feel like I'm the asshole here. So, am I the asshole? Is my dad the asshole? Are we both assholes? | HISTORICAL | {
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MV42BuNiGDPq0tyjwfl5otx4UI57ggn1 | 9x5lbd | {
"description": "beating up my Roommates friend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Beating up my Roommates friend | P = Palestine Guy
RM=Roommate
Ok here is some preface before i start. I am of Pakistani descent, and my roommate is of Iranian descent. He has a friend who is from Palestine that will often show up to our apartment. Ever since P found out I am Pakistani, he has nonstop been making fun of me and Pakistan, often saying shit like "You guys are cavemen", "India needs to nuke you", and "your country is shit" etc. I have tolerated this and haven't given any reply to this constant remarks. Well yesterday he insulted my parents and my dad more specifically. He said how my dad probably raped my mom and that's why she married him. Well I went complete batshit insane. I tackled him and repeatedly punched him till my RM wrestled me off him. When he got me under control, me still being mad, yelled out to P "At least my country is on a goddamn map and my parents are alive". P started crying and left the apartment. My roommate said how I was a Asshole for saying that and how I should apologize. Am I The Asshole for saying that or not. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 10,
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sn1hMrvxXHqYo3Oxu1WgSrvlj948sIUY | ayju9u | {
"description": "getting mad at friend trying to \"fix\" me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at friend trying to "fix" me? | Gonna be a very long post, sorry.
​
TL;DR: Friend tries to help me psychologically, I don't think I need help. Told her I'm not her fucking research object and she should leave me the fuck alone unless she stops. Got called an asshole.
​
First off some important information about myself. I'm male 25, never had a relationship, probably never will. I have issues (mental). Not going to say what exactly, but it should be enough to know that 1) you don't notice unless you know me very well and 2) it doesn't make me mentally unstable or dangerous (neither to others nor to myself) wor anything like that (the opposite if anything). Besides that I'm fairly successful at uni (and financially), I have friends that I see regularly and I'm quite healthy (physically)w
​
Now, there is a girl from my uni who knows a bit more about me, since we've been in the same class (now course) since highschool (started there at 16 y.o.). As secondary subject she took psychology (will be mildly important later). She knows how I am and why I am like this.
​
Recently she's started to ask me to go out more (join her at pub/café/club, etc.). I don't mind going out from time to time, but it got so frequent that it started to become annoying (I often like to spend my evenings at home doing whatever shit I feel like doing, from programming to reading). Especially at bars and pubs she started pointing at women and asking me if I think they are hot and once even somehow brough back a girl from the dance floor (we had rented a couch) and then proceeded to be very pushy about getting me to come down and dance as well. I don't know why she (my friend) would do that, she knows I don't want hookups or dates.
​
This has led to me telling her I'm not interested in going out like that, and that if she wants to do something she'd better leave me alone with bullshit like that. She then told me that my attitude was unhealthy and that I could get over it if I just tried. Well... perhaps I could. The question is why would I? I'm doing perfectly fine right now and I get the added benefit of not having to go through any drama. It was probably a subconscious protection mechanism that made me who I am today, so I don't feel like destroying that protection and become vulnerable and miserable. I know it's cowardly, but I just don't see the benefit.
​
Now, again, she knows why I'm like that, so she should know better than to try to change me. This is also where I might have been an asshole: I told her that I'm not her fucking psychology project test subject and that she should never ever try to get me somewhere again if she has any hidden motives. If I wanted help, I'd get it.
​
This was probably a bit mean. There is a reason why I've been friends with her for so long. She's kind and fun to be around, and I don't think she had any ill intentions. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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PkTVJJJmLS4Dvz9Vk63ZLQ56fcdnbOXC | am80zg | {
"description": "taking back a game system a friend decided to not pay me for",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking back a game system a friend decided to not pay me for? | So, I had this friend at work, who was going through some shit. I had a PS4 he wanted to buy off me for $200, but since I knew he wouldn't be able to get much money together, I lent him the system on the grounds that he eventually paid me back, whether over time or all at once if he got the money.
I even gave my PSN account information so he'd have games to download.
Every month was a new excuse as to why he couldn't set aside $10 here or there for me.
So, about a year later, he gets a new job (within the same company), one that pays quite a bit, while I'm still stuck in a shit job. I try to get him to pay up, but again, excuses.
So shit happens in my life, I'm bordering on homelessness, I need that money, I start getting on his ass. So he's starts spreading rumors about how he never really liked me, or I said/did something that he should've called the cops on me for (I showed up to his house unannounced one day and frightened his mother), and eventually I changed the password on my account so he had nothing to play.
Gives the system back half-dead, controller X button is mashed in, and his mother curses me out for "showing my true colors".
Fast forward a bit, and everyone at our workplace is on his side, and I'm treated like a fucking outcast. Oh and I'm living in a homeless shelter. | HISTORICAL | {
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991DynfdMBpfaiVTLYMGJFA736jfhBQg | aj6weh | {
"description": "not wanting my ex's current girlfriend in my house",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting my ex’s current girlfriend in my house? | Hi, I (21f) am not sure if I’m the ass hole for not wanting my ex’s girlfriend over at my house. My housemates are friends with her and invite her over despite knowing that I’ve gotten really anxious seeing her with my ex. They started dating a year ago so it’s not new but he was my longest relationship and is still someone who causes sensitivity. Anyway, my housemates have her over a lot (and one of her huge art pieces hanging in the living room.....) and whenever I see her she dooesnt introduce herself and she acts rude to me... in my own house. AITA/being immature for not wanting her there and if not should I bring it up? | HISTORICAL | {
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5YC5LDXi0QtEduYNF9HFX6Vq79q6gsNa | ambhxv | {
"description": "expecting my gf to make time for me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for expecting my GF to make time for me? | Me and my girlfriend have a great relationship, we talk about everything, we always try to help each other with our problems and stuff, but recently she’s been doing a lot of stuff with her friends or is unable to hang out because she admittedly has a lot going on with school. I just feel like since I’m making sure my schedule is always clear and open for her that she could at least make some time for me? I don’t really hang out with my friends anymore, they’re honestly a bunch of fucking assholes who keep me around for their amusement and abuse, so I don’t really have friends anymore, and for the past two months since I’ve stopped hanging out with them I’ve been spending a lot of time with my girlfriend, usually once or twice a week at the most. So, AITA for wanting my gf to make a little bit of time for me? We haven’t been able to be with just each other in a month and I just wanna spend time with my girl. | HISTORICAL | {
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I4G2Hgt7GKVvrag38Kl89oSNPEdzl0Vj | b2j97l | {
"description": "not breaking up with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not breaking up with my girlfriend? | Long story short, I had a girlfriend and things were going pretty well, until I realized that I was no longer attracted to her in the way I used to be (I won't go into details, but it was due to her personality). So I tried to break up, but she begged me to stay with her - despite me honestly telling her how I didn't feel the same way about her as she did with me. I'm a bit of a pushover, so I gave in and didn't actually end the relationship because I didn't want to see her being miserable. At that point, we were somewhere in between friends and couple for a while, until she realized that it wasn't what she wanted and finally agreed to break up. AITA for not just ending it as soon as I could? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
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} | RIGHT |
hYEeRziLOU8eFkB27kvmiZI6nK06fLJK | aoc49m | {
"description": "confronting a friend and letting the friendship end",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for confronting a friend and letting the friendship end? (Long One) | Long one, so strap in, and thank you for your patience.
I met ‘John’ through a mutual friend. He hosted a tabletop group that was looking for new players. I joined, and clicked really well with the group, one of them being the mutual friend. Since they were looking for more people, I invited 2 of my best friends, and my brother, all of whom were experienced players too.
A couple months into the 1.5ish years we all played together, my brother and I started having table issues, mainly due to differing approaches to role playing in a group (the actual problem isn’t important, but the conflict itself is). A few other people in our 7 total people had issues with each other too, and John asked everyone individually what the problems are and what can be changed, with the express intent of getting everybody good with each other and getting back into the game properly. After collecting our answers, he instead called the game off completely.
He left everyone off with “while we all can’t get along in the same game, I still want to game with everyone in separate groups”. He told me directly that he would let me know when the next game was happening, and wanted to get together to paint some miniatures. A few months go by, and I hear nothing.
As I’m locked in radio silence with John, our mutual friend tells me that they’ve had a couple paint nights and started a new game since then. The reason I was given was that they “didn’t want to offend me or my brother by inviting one over the other”. Both of us aren’t bothered by that at all. He kept finding excuses not to ever have me around, but I still got invited to his and his wife’s bday parties, and his New Years party.
Fast forward a few more months, and my best friend want to get the group back together and record our sessions. We all agree, with the first order of business being to have a sit down lunch, talk about the game, and air out any issues we have. All of us players got our stressors out, and even my brother and I came to a mutual understanding of the mindset we would have with our characters. John did not contribute anything other than how we can streamline our gaming experience.
We leave happy, and get together for a character creation session the next week. We get their, and John is much more frazzled. He was edgy, and at one point, got into it with my brother over a rule. I broke that argument up, and it mainly involved getting my brother to drop the subject, cause he kept re-instigating the issue.
In the email chain after this, I was debating a home brew race with John, and he blew up, citing “people who can’t be mature” and saying “I expected more growth out of certain people”.
I ended up emailing him directly, and jumped his shit about not being able to tell me directly if he has a problem with me. I called him out about trying to ghost me with gaming, and told him that if he doesn’t want to keep the friendship, or if he just doesn’t want me gaming with him, he needs to be upfront instead of telling everyone different reasons about why we “keep missing each other”. I also told him he doesn’t get to talk about maturity and growth when he throws a fit whenever someone disagrees with him.
He assured me that I wasn’t the problem, and my brother was, and that he always liked me more than my brother. He did admit that he still felt tension between my brother and I, and it was “bringing out the worst in” me. He also doubled down that he was looking forward to gaming with me again, and he hopes everything works out.
I talked to my best friend (the one who set up the new game) and told him everything that was said, and he informed me that his conversation with John prior to this game was that John preferred my brother over me, and all kinds of other shit that was the exact opposite of what I was told. We talked to my brother, who had gotten another story that contradicts ours.
I let it sit for a week, and found out yesterday that John has proceeded to continue game prep without me, and my best friend was under the impression that John informed me of this decision. He had not.
At this point, I know that I am an asshole for HOW I emailed him. I could have talked to him much calmer from the outset. I think he is so afraid of conflict that he just tells people what they want to hear. When I talked to my wife, she suggested that even bringing it up at all was in bad taste. Honestly, I’ve deleted his number and email, and have taken the stance that I don’t want to deal with someone who can’t be upfront with me. I’ve told him before that I wouldn’t be offended by him not wanting to hang out or game with me. My only offense taken is that he can’t just tell me.
So, finally, how do you all feel.
Am I the asshole for emailing him to set things straight? Or only in how I did it?
And am I an asshole for just dropping the friendship all together, and chalking it up to “shit happens”?
Thank you so much for your patience in reading this. | HISTORICAL | {
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Uu1YuRcRZFBOZ5hCofG39himJBufhe6h | b0o0n3 | {
"description": "trying and convincing my friends to use contraception",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA to try and convince my friends to use contraception | Just found this subreddit so I'm praying automod is kind to me.
Context: There's me, Boyfriend, and Girlfriend. We're all 18, I'm a senior in high school and they both dropped out. I don't have many friends and I'm always hanging out with Girlfriend
I was hanging out with Girlfriend telling her about my virgin sex life with my new gay boyfriend. I asked her if she used condoms with Boyfriend and she uses *nothing.* He just pulls out. She's off birth control, I forget why sorry, and insurance doesn't cover an IUD. I would offer to drive her to planned parenthood or anything. I don't want to lose both of my best friends to teen pregnancy but I don't know if it's in my place to say something. On one hand I trust her completely and am good friends with him and on the other hand that's seems like a problem for Boyfriend and Girlfriend to have together. It's just so frustrating to see my peers make such dumb decisions. How do i handle this? Reddit, WIBTA if I brought it up again? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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PU8WSXTlFMUaoEArziCsd8QD9tFNy37w | 9tv6s6 | {
"description": "not caring anymore about a girl I dated",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not caring anymore about a girl I dated | So there's this girl I dated, for 2-3 months. By the end she admitted she felt uncomfortable and caged in. Throughout the dating phase, she never felt comfortable with any physical contact and it didn't improve. I asked her if she wanted to break things off and she said "yes, please."
I was really bummed out, liked her a lot. Tried to always make her feel safe & comfortable, showed a lot of affection by non-physical means. I went no contact on her to get over it ASAP, and during this time I moved on to a point where she doesn't interest me anymore, at all.
Couple months later she wrote me and told me "she was waiting," I was confused and asked her "for what?" She said I became really important and she feels lonely and I was the first person she could open up to and be vulnerable to. Said she needs me, cries a lot thinking about me. She asked me to go back to old ways and at least be her friend again, be vulnerable/open with her again.
The thing is... I just... don't care about her anymore at all. I think it's part of my coping mechanism. Also, she lives in another city now and I've never been the type to chat a lot. It's not like I actively ignore her texts, I answer politely but firm. I don't feel like investing anything back into it.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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lPkhnTdYhy3Kjk3zEwaMazvz04qK7lha | atcoli | {
"description": "keeping pushing for my overweight friend to lose weight",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA if I keep pushing for my overweight friend to lose weight? | For context, I know how it feels to be overweight. I used to be 65 pounds above what I should have been, and I lost that through maintaining my diet and exercising. I know how unhealthy being obese is, and how hard it is to stop.
My friend has complete access to a good diet (his parents buy plenty of healthy food for themselves) and he literally lives 200 feet from a gym he has access to, but still doesn't do anything. I'm concerned because he is over 240 pounds and is only 5 feet 10 inches, which is an obese BMI. His diet mostly consists of fast food that his parents buy specifically for him, and he doesn't want to start working out or eating right. Keep in mind, last year he only weighed 180 pounds and was still 5 foot 10.
I recently moved away, so I can't motivate him or try to help him physically, which is why I bring up his weight so much. I got him to go to the gym with me once, but he just stopped after 1 session (he did half a mile of walking, which I was proud of because he tried). The worst part is that he is completely ignorant of all of the health problems, and justifies his health by saying that he "doesn't look overweight".
I want to be able to get through to him, so I keep bringing up his weight problem and how he can help it. I'm not suggesting drastic change; i tell him to drink diet soda instead of regular, or to eat fast food 1 less day a week. Now all of our conversations are a minefield in which he takes offense to any mention of weight, food, or exercise.
Am I the asshole for trying to help him avoid this lifestyle, or am I being too pushy? | HISTORICAL | {
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MvzT1bLRZuqrCj1oHF2angzuBamEckGG | 9xjdto | {
"description": "telling my ex her friend can't spend the weekend with us",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my ex her friend can’t spend the weekend with us? | So to start this off I live with my ex girlfriend. It’s a complicated situation but what happened and why isn’t relevant to this story.
The two of us live with 2 other roommates and 2 dogs. 1 girl (and her dog) and 1 guy in a house on the edge of a volley town. My ex had sent a text asking if her friend from home could spend the weekend at the house in our group chat. Now her friend has never liked me but I figured for one weekend I could spend it up in my room playing RDR2 so I said sure! So far so good right?
Well my other girl roommate (GR) was leaving town for the weekend and asked me to watch her dog. Not a problem, I love her dog! Well then I get a text from my ex asking if her friend could bring her two dogs with her and wanted to know how both my dog and GR’s dog would react to two strange dogs in the back yard. Well at this point I had a slight problem with it. Both dogs were rescued found on the street and tend to not like other dogs. Even getting them together at first was a little touch and go but after a couple months they are inseparable. I told my ex that it might not be a good idea for her friend to bring her two dogs because both dogs that live in the house don’t get along with other dogs. Well the shit hit the fan and she got PISSED! Started yelling and throwing dishes at me saying I was ruining her life. She proceeded to say her friend wasn’t going to be able to come unless she was able to bring her dogs and I said “well I guess your friend won’t be able to come this weekend then darlin”. Well I just over heard her on the phone telling her friend I said she couldn’t come and I was being a complete ass about it all and being unreasonable. So Reddit, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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1s4LzEUPHNkgqfZJ6jNTWZjG00WvfrHH | ay20dz | {
"description": "getting upset that my girlfriend doesn't get me off more",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for getting upset that my girlfriend doesn’t get me off more? | I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 5 and a half years, and I love her very much. We don’t have sex as often as we used to because we both work a lot and are exhausted late, and that’s fine. When she isn’t feeling up to having sex, which is way more often than it is for me to have those feelings, I usually don’t say anything. Also, I understand if she’s not comfortable if we don’t do anything on her period, but I feel like if we are together for like 5 days in a row and we don’t have sex, it doesn’t make me an asshole to ask for a blowjob or handjob. I have asked in the past and she usually just kind of gets flustered and brushes it off as a joke, or she has said if she’s on her period it’s not fair. I asked this past week in a joking way, and she got angry with me. Just also wanted to note I don’t bring it up or make jokes like that often. I’ll back off and stop asking, but AITA for asking in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
NN2UcZfGtaqXqLF0sYnma1kLyUSBAjPr | b4xfj1 | {
"description": "telling my boyfriend he's addicted to weed",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my boyfriend he's addicted to weed | Hi reddit,
So I live with my boyfriend, who's a fairly heavy weed smoker. He smokes every day when he gets back from work in the afternoon, all day on the weekends and some mornings before he goes to work.
Lately I feel like he's been getting more down. Often he'll stay on the couch and it's hard to get him to do anything. He doesn't have much money to spend on going out/hobbies.
Full disclosure, I smoke a fair amount, maybe a few nights a week. But I've been trying to cut down/quit. So perhaps that's the root of my frustration too. But I have an active social life and enough money to go out/save etc.
Today he was sad because he only has $30 left for the month- but he spent $20 on weed yesterday. I sat him down and told him that he needs to think about how much he's spending on weed, that it isn't a necessity, that he's using it to escape from his problems, that he seems addicted. Now he's angry at me for 'making him feel inferior', saying that he is 'an addict who doesn't even have any money'.
Am I being too controlling here? I mean it's his life in the end. In the end it is a bit selfish as it would be easier for me if he could afford to do more things. And I do smoke (probably too much) myself. But I would like him to be happy.
Maybe I didn't handle it in a sensitive way. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
Nl3QPgmsXWvCLqrLwwsAvLPAnYSXfOTI | a8b3g7 | {
"description": "refusing to talk to my housemate until he apologises to me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for refusing to talk to my (20F) housemate (19M) until he apologises to me? | This is a long one, apologies.
I haven't spoken to my housemate (let's call him L) in a week.
A background story: We're both second years in university and have lived together (along with 2 other girls - both 19 - and another guy - 20) for the entire 2 years we've been at uni together.
Now L has always been pretty inconsiderate as a housemate, he doesn't clean up after himself AT ALL, dirty plates and cutlery of his will be on the kitchen side for 2+ weeks before he eventually either washes it himself, or someone else gives in and they'll wash it, he makes messes over the hobs and sides whilst he cooks and won't clean it up, he frequently will just leave his rubbish on the side and someone else will have to put it in the bin. I'm not going to act like the rest of us don't all do these things sometimes, of course we do, we're students and 4/5 of us also work part-time so of course between uni work and our jobs somethings are going to slack sometimes, but he just never does anything. (L used to work weekends at a national park but they don't need him over the winter, so he hasn't worked since the beginning of November and won't work again until March - he also spent all his overdraft going travelling over the summer and spent most of his student loan on take out food and weed)
Last year we lived in a flat (same 5 of us, plus a 3rd year - 21M - and another guy in our year) and, aside from making a few flat meals - think maybe 10 in a year - L treated the rest of us like maids, this was particularly the case for me (B), our housemate M, and our housemate R. The kitchen would get absolutely horrific before it would be cleaned, with the vast majority of this mess coming from L, and L helped with this maybe twice. Once I wasn't even in the flat for a weekend, I had gone to visit my bestfriend at her uni over 150 miles away for three days and when I returned R and M (with very little help from L) were cleaning the kitchen, so of course the first thing I did was begin to help. A separate time it took R and I (M was at work) 3.5 hours to fully deep clean the kitchen with absolutely no help from L (he was locked in his room the entire time, came in twice for food and completely ignored us cleaning).
Over Christmas last year all of us went home for a little bit, and before leaving we all made sure the kitchen was clean and our own things were clean because we didn't want to come back to the kitchen being horrible and mouldy food. L was the last to leave and first to come back, in total he only went home for maybe 4 days, whilst the rest of us were home for a week or two. So aside from L, I was the first to return to the flat and since I live over 200 miles from the university I attend, my mum was the one who picked me up and drove me there again. So my mum and I walk into the flat, and the first door leads to the kitchen, so after putting my bags in my room we both went in the kitchen to make some drinks, boy was that a mistake. The entire kitchen was disgusting, the floors were sticky and covered with crumbs and small pieces of food, the bins were full and overflowing with rubbish all on the floor (not in bin bags, just on the floor) there were dirty plates on the side and a glass casserole dish that had dried up pasta bake inside that was growing mould, the sinks were both full of plates and one also was full of water, neither of us could work out how long the water had been there considering it was grey, opaque, and had mould growing on it. My mum and I were both disgusted and spent hours cleaning the kitchen before we could go and get a food shop for me. This entire time L stayed locked in his room and didn't answer the door or even make a sound if either of us knocked/called through the door. I know for a fact he was in there though because 6 or so hours later he came out. When I went home for two weeks over Easter, my mum and I returned to almost the exact same situation where L hadn't gone home, except this time it was in 25°C heat in a kitchen that had an entire wall that was windows, so the entire kitchen smelt like hot rotting garbage.
So after all of this, when we moved into a house at the beginning of second year, we made some rules which included each housemate having a particular job (singular if it was a big thing, plural if they were smaller jobs) and Ls only job was to be cleaning the bathroom. We share one bathroom between 5 of us, so obviously this is a job that needs to be done once a week to once a fortnight (if it's not too bad and L has some assignments), and this cleaning of the bathroom involves mopping/sweeping the floors, cleaning the sink, the side, the toilet, emptying the bin, and cleaning the bath/shower. We have been living in this house since August and L has cleaned the bathroom approximately 4 times. If any of us ask, he will brush it off and say he'll do it later, snap at us to fuck off, or completely ignore us. He still makes a load of mess in the kitchen, and won't wash his plates and things up, he also smokes cigs and weed in his room which in turn makes the hallway stink and then gets arsey if M and I complain about it because we don't like the smell of either (neither of us have any problem with him smoking, so long as he does it outside).
So, after all that, let's get to the main crux of the story (again, apologies for the length, I'm just fuming and am ranting). Our house is a student house, and therefore comes with all the "quirks" a student house comes with, including walls highly susceptible to mould/condensation, some questionably working appliances, even more questionable landlords/renting agencies, absolutely no insulation, and a speciality of the area we go to university in, this happens in private houses and everything too, a minor slug infestation. We've salted and everything and haven't had a slug issue since September, don't worry. But yeah, our heating isn't the best, and until yesterday the lounge radiator wasn't working which meant with no insulation the lounge was an unliveable temperature, with the rest of the house not being much warmer. We don't have a tumble dryer, only clothes airers and since our house is cold most of the time our clothes take forever to dry.
Now M and L did a load of laundry each, and then both hung it up on two airers in our bathroom, and left it there to dry. A day or so later, I also did a load of laundry (without realising theirs was on the airers), I was considerate about this and wanted their clothes to dry and so I left my wet laundry in a basket in the bathroom to be hung up. A week later, their clothes were finally dry, except since mine had been wet and not hung out for a week they smelt damp and horrible, so I took M and Ls clothes off the airers and up to their rooms, before rewashing my clothes and hanging them out. I used both airers doing this, which I realise is a bit annoying, but I had waited 3 weeks by this point to do a load of laundry because everytime I said I was going to do one, someone else needed one more (think dirty work clothes and no clean ones, etc.) and besides both of these airers actually belong to me anyway. Less than two full days later, L took all of my clothes off the airers in front of M. M asked him whether they were dry, knowing they hadn't been there very long and he said "yes" as well as telling me they were dry, so he took them up to my room in a bag and left them there.
Since I had 2 large assignments due in and a test that week, I left my clothes in the bag in my room for 4 or 5 days, until I had the time to be able to put them away, because I was trusting that L was honest when he said they were dry. That finally brings us to last Thursday, where I had the time to put my clothes away and began to do so, only to find out that the 3 pieces of clothing on top were the only dry clothes in the entire bag. All the rest of the clothes were still completely soaked through and, of course, smelt terrible because of how long they had been sat there.
I messaged the house groupchat giving L a piece of my mind and telling him how inconsiderate and how big of a dick he was for taking my clothes off the airer when I had left his and Ms on there for over a week and had already had to rewash this load of clothes because of that, and now had to rewash the load again. I'm furious at L for being so inconsiderate and rude and lying to both M and I about my clothes being dry. He read every message and ignored them all, didn't apologise over message or face to face, and avoided me from last Thursday until this Wednesday.
When he saw me on Wednesday he said hi and acted like nothing had happened. I ignored him. M also was ignoring him Wednesday - Wednesday for a different reason, however spoke to him yesterday and then told me that when her and R (my boyfriend) had brought up my laundry L had said "oh thats why she's ignoring me" and then acted like he hadn't done anything wrong, so M doesn't think I'll get an apology.
I'm furious because that is the final incident that shows just how little respect he has for me as a person, and despite the fact that he is disgusting this entire time I have been considering him a friend. He's treated me like a maid (worse than that to be honest, at least they get paid) for a year and a half, and has continuously shown the absolute lack of respect he has for all of us, but particularly M and I, and this is the final straw for me. Whilst not talking to him he had left all of his dirty plates and things on the side for 10+ days again, so I had finally had enough and put all of them back in his cupboard whilst still dirty. He found out the other day, took everything out and left it on the side for 2 days again before washing it, then asked M and R who put it in there and R told him it was me. L then started bitching that it had onl | HISTORICAL | {
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5xZ2geugq5aDBoEbq4luz4koN3dIxI8f | a1ywu3 | {
"description": "refusing to go on holiday with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA - I refused to go on holiday with my friends | ok, so around 8 months ago, my friends asked if i wanted to go away on holiday to croatia with them. I had money to go at the time so I said yeah! obviously.
​
They said it would probably be in june of 2019 - i said fine. That would give me plenty of time to save up for a holiday, for both myself and my partner.
​
Didn't hear anything for a month or two until a whatsapp message asked if i was ok for june. I said, I have no plans, so most likely!
​
Three months later I get a whatsapp group message telling me the price of flights, where we are flying from, the dates, the fact that we would be staying in multiple places, and that we would be going for 11 days. That is nearly half my annual holiday allowance from work. Nothing saying where these places were, or if we were happy with them, in fact, zero details about anything.
​
At no point were i or my partner consulted on anything to do with this holiday, in fact, the information i have just given you is all we were given. We were never asked how long we wanted to go away for, we were never asked where we wanted to stay, we were never consulted on ANYTHING.
​
I'm pretty sure the rest of the 'group' were, which is why it makes it all the more hurtful. It is like myself and my partner were there to make up numbers to make it cheaper for them to go away.
​
I said no to all of this, and a massive feud has begun, and I am now shunned because I said this was all out of order. | HISTORICAL | {
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C06eKK86boD8MsdCBwyHjxyH8Srs46Yg | b0ngwe | {
"description": "asking my sister to stop overreacting over memes",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for asking my sister to stop overreacting over memes? | I love my sister a lot, but she has a very annoying habit of getting extremely offended by jokes and memes. There was a kid who posted on his meme Instagram account some really weird meme that had a swastika in it. My sister got really pissed off, reported the meme to Insta, and even confronted the kid about the meme. I told her that she was overreacting, and we had a whole heated debate over who was right. She does this for any joke that has remotely anti-feminist, racist or mental disability themes.
In this day and age, offensive memes have become the norm, and honestly I find a lot of them to be pretty funny. I support her for being a feminist and justice warrior, but when she attacks anyone who tells an offensive joke, I feel like she is fighting the wrong battles by attacking these joke tellers instead of the real villains.
Furthermore, she is entering high school next year, and I don’t want her to get a reputation as a stuck up, easily offended SJW, or have people going out of their way to try to offend her. According to her, she already has this reputation at her school.
AITA for telling my sister to stop confronting people whose jokes she finds offensive? | HISTORICAL | {
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kpMrgemQ6L2NjJgPhvng8vk9qODfpMkD | aikuty | {
"description": "playing videogames with a girl when my gf hates her and has told me not to",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for playing videogames with a girl when My gf hates her and has told me not to? | So about a year ago I was paired up with this girl (who I will call W) for a project in my biology class. As we are working I start to just chit-chat with W about stupid things and videogames come up. To my utter suprise she is a avid gamer and it happens she also plays xbox. She is really into fallout and so am I. We then end up going back and fourth on Instagram about fallout 76 hype and other gaming stuff, and I would send her hella memes. We play often, and I have her favorited on xbox (this is important later). During this whole time my gf of a year and a half asks for my Instagram password and I willingly give it to her. So about a week after I give my gf the instagram password I go to send W a meme I made and I cant find her anywhere in my recent dms, I just think its a weird glitch and go on with my life. Later I go to unblock a different friend of mine after he spams me with 400 messages (he has done this several times after I smack him in for honor so now I just block him when he does it) and I see W on my blocked list. I wondered how she got there for a seccond but eventually just think nothing of it. I unblock her and go on with my day. A few hours later my gf calls me sobbing and asking why she isnt good enough for me and all this and that, obvoiusly im confused and ask her whats going on. She yells at me for unblocking W when "clearly" she has a problem with her. I dont know what really I did so I hung up.
Now everytime I try and dm W she is blocked, and gf will always get mad when she sees the notification that W sent me something. I threaten to change my instagram password if Gf keeps getting upset over the simple jokes and stuff we send to eachother. And then she gets even more upset, so I get even more upset. But I can see where she is coming from. She has told me several times that she is jelous that W and I have more in common than gf and me. She also told me that W is more attractive than her and I honestly agree, but I do love my gf and it hurts me that I have to hide my friendship with this person because its driving a wedge in my realtionship.
In the summer gf comes over and we put up netflix on the Xbox, about 30 mins in I hear the notification *ding* that it makes and look over, W just came online. Gf gets really mad that I stoped paying attention to her to pay attention to the xb. But then she sees who it is that I looked over for and she slapped me saying "why that bitch on your xbox" I try and explain why but she dosent want to hear it. So I get angry at her for always doing that and that I just want to have some friends. She told me that I can be friends with anyone but her. This arguement ends how it usually does when we argue about W. Gf just ends up leaving in a bad mood.
When school started back up in the fall me and W have a class together and gf and I have none. This reaply tilts gf and it brings up another arguement about things out of either of our control. There is nothing either of us can do so we let it be. The first day rolls around and since me and W know each other we sit together in class to talk and what not. The gf hears about this and goes all out when I see her. I end up just getting sick of having so many arguments about W that I change my insta password and go out of my way to not see gf for about a week to let things cool down. This was the wrong move in hindsight. Gf gets dumb mad about that and turns out she been going at it with W over Snapchat and insta the whole week. I dont know If im just acting childish or she is.
About a month later me and gf chillin by my locker after school and W walks by, and I think to start somethin she says " thanks for that color pack in warframe, im a broke boi so you came in big clutch with that gift." Gf really didnt like that because I told her me and W stopped playing games, which was a lie. So of course it starts a arguement later and at this point I am done with all this so I just roll over in bed and ignore her till she gets tired and leaves.
TL:DR: me and this girl play games and send eachother memes everyday. But my gf dosent like it but against her wishes I do it anyway | HISTORICAL | {
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G8Q3iwEdiLOVTUjtYeylVrRyKHuqJfk6 | aav51g | {
"description": "asking my boyfriend to return the tv that he bought for his money",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | WIBTA if I ask my boyfriend to return the TV that he bought for his money? | So, my boyfriend really wanted a new TV. As I was fine with our current TV and am a student (he is working full time) I said fine, as long as I did not have to pay for it and it wasn't too big.
He started looking for one and even showed me one in the store of similar size as the one he wanted. In the store the tv did not look so big, so I said fine (it was 55" our former tv was 37").
Well, now he bought it and I hate it! We live in a two bedroom apartment and I feel like it takes up the whole wall of our living room! It looks much bigger than in the store.
So, WIBTA if I ask him to return the TV that he bought for his money which I already agreed upon and buy one that is smaller?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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OMP7nbeYLLmjCYcSmToidAfkuSpxnVzC | aseje2 | {
"description": "telling my friend she has to find another place to live",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I tell my friend she has to find another place to live? | Me 23f
Husband Neil 24m
Friend Ann 27f
Moving in with Neil 3 yrs ago was the first time I lived by myself, & I got very used to it. Neil is very tolerant of other people, but there's few that I can be around for long periods of time & not need a break. Ann is not one of them. I know that my standards for that are high, so I told myself I'd have to get over it & take a break when I needed it.
The reason Ann moved was due to some medical treatment she needed, & she'd just finished her degree & wanted to transfer her job up to our area of the state. We saw this as a win-win; we'd see her more often, she'd get a great deal on rent, & we'd have some cheaper bills. We also all 3 got a raise around this time, so moods were high.
In just five months, all that's changed. Part of it's due to money stress. Ann's student loan payments hit, & she was unprepared for the amount they were taking. For a while we'd have to help her monetarily with a lot. Things have evened out in the last 3 weeks, but it was rough going for a bit. Obviously this was very stressful for us, & it was compounded by the fact that Ann didn't seem to be doing what she could to get a hold on the situation and spent all her time playing games. She blamed most of this on her depression, but this feels like a flimsy excuse to me, especially because I've had depression for over a decade, but we're all adults & shit has to get done.
There's also behavioral stuff. The more time we spend with her, the more we realize that she isn't a responsible adult. For the first 3 months she didn't even have bill money to us on time. This was blamed on her ADHD. Every time we go to her about an issue, we're given some excuse & a promise to do better that falls short. There's been multiple strikes, mostly involving food/dishes, but also taking things w/o asking, the amount of noise she makes when we're sleeping, & asking us how to do the simplest shit like we're her parents.
I've reached the end of my rope. I reached it over a month ago, but tried to rein myself in because I know I'm less tolerant than others. Now even Neil is tired of it. We rarely have time to ourselves anymore, & he gets even less of a break because he works with her. We were all close friends before, but now I dread going home. Communication on both ends hasn't been perfect, but I feel like we've given her multiple chances & she isn't improving. Now her money situation seems to be stabilizing, & Neil and I have talked about telling her to find an apartment. It's not like we want to kick her to the curb - we don't want to be assholes, she is our friend & we care for her a lot. We just don't think we're compatible to live together.
Tldr; Good friend moved in with my husband & I, but in <5 months has gone from fun to a strain. We want to tell her to move out, but worry this makes us assholes. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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aBfEx2SICs3CPyPtMFfRXxNr9pzv54Lv | asap1o | {
"description": "telling someone with ADHD to shut up",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for telling someone with ADHD to shut up? | Ok so some context. I occasionally sleep with this guy with ADHD. He’s pretty good in bed so I keep him around but he has ADHD which that in itself isn’t the issue. The issue is that his medication prevents him from performing at his best, so he sometimes opts to not take his medication so he can have sex. Sex is admittedly better but holy cannoli in a ravioli does that boy just talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. And it’s such disorganised speech - he can go from topic A to topic B to topic Z to topic A and B again with very little input from me because he’ll interrupt me. It’s like I’m listening his whole stream of consciousness. I’m very quiet and mellow and with someone I’m sleeping with, I don’t care for the small talk. I’m very “let’s have sex and then leave my house”. It’s harsh but I’m honest about it at least.
A few days ago he came over, it was very apparent he didn’t take his meds. He was fidgeting, talking quickly and disorganised, it was just a mess. Eventually I basically told him to shut up and to fuck me. It worked, but then even during sex he was trying to talk. I jokingly said I would put a ball gag in if he didn’t stop. He stopped which was good.
I was talking to some friends and some of them told me it’s kind of asshole-y of me to say that. I obviously wasn’t rude or mean about it but I can see where they’re coming from. I am sympathetic. On one hand I understand that people with ADHD (or any developmental disorder) aren’t doing it on purpose, it’s just how they are and hippy, open-minded me wants to say that you shouldn’t change yourself to please the neurotypical folks. On the other hand, you should learn to dial it down a bit. I also suspect he’s on the spectrum but I’m not a psychiatrist so I can’t make that determination. | HISTORICAL | {
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jg8sBwS06XY2UmxFAJxTjp8mLTnJMIvk | acqo2b | {
"description": "being upset with my wife for going out clubbing with her girlfriends, but she leaves her ring at home so she can get \"free drinks\"",
"pronormative_score": 700,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA For being upset with my wife for going out clubbing with her girlfriends, but she leaves her ring at home so she can get “free drinks”? | Wife has been going out clubbing with friends every Friday night for awhile now. Just recently saw that she left her ring at home tonight. I texted her telling she left it at home tonight, and she responded telling me it’s so she can get free drinks from guys.
Wouldn’t this mean she’s flirting with other guys so she can get free drinks from them? Not sure how to feel about this or how to reply. Will telling her I feel uncomfortable open a can of worms? | HISTORICAL | {
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UJ8c7LUQZedptFwH9oVJ6b0AmMAwZPj2 | ba0a8i | {
"description": "asking my teacher to exclude a group-mate from a project grade",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I ask my teacher to exclude a group-mate from a project grade? | Person in question: Bob, person absent in day one: Joe, other person: Rod
My group of 4 are assigned a project to do. We all divided the work to jobs. Bob had to write conclusion (4 short pieces) and plot data, I wrote the rest (3 paragraphs). Joe draws 2 diagram, Rod draws 2. Joe only finishes 1 and I draw the last 1 and edit all of the work. I was the only 1 that took work home, they all made bullshit excuses everyday. But they at least did their work in class, except Bob.
Bob just wrote down data copied from my notebook. He couldn't even get that right, wrote the data wrong, and only did half of the data work. Then Bob just played games on the computer. I had to fix his work and do the other half of the data work. I took all the work home and almost completely finished the project by myself except the coloring for the diagrams. I juggled the idea of doing the job of writing the conclusion that Rod promised to do. I had some hope that Rod actually did do his job. Just in case I did the 2nd half of his work, so that I could add on to his, or (worst case scenario, at least what I thought at the time) I can join it with his 1st half of the work.
I go to class and ask Bob if he finished his work yet. He did not, he didn't even start it. It has been a whole week after we started the paper part of the project. He makes the excuse that he didn't have time because he was helping out in his kitchen??? (he was probably referring to washing dishes). He said he started it, showing me a blank document with just a title. He also demanded me to share my 2nd half of the conclusion that HE said he would do. By now I was completely pissed off. I ignored his demands and told him to write it. He said he would at home. Then PROCEEDED TO PLAY A LITERAL FLASH GAME! I just stared at his screen and he said that he just opened this up right now.
I knew he wasn't going to do it, so I took all the work home, and planning to finish it by myself, I already almost finished the first half of Bob's work. The only reason I'm still putting up with this shit is because of my grade.
I'm seriously considering to go to my teacher, tell them everything, and ask them to remove Bob from grading if he doesn't show up with his work next time I see him (he has the whole weekend to do it) WIBTA if I did that?
Just to review:
OT: Original Task
WTD: What They Did
Rod: OT: draw and color 2 and write a piece on the back of 1, WTD: draw and color 2; Joe: OT: draw and color 2 and write a piece on the back of 1, WTD: draw and color 1; Bob: OT: Write four short pieces and plot data. WTD: plot data wrong and only half of it, did not write his 4 short pieces; Me: OT: Write 1 piece but I planned to help the others after I was done, later I volunteered to do the pieces on the back of the diagrams which were two, What I Did: drew 1, edited all diagrams, wrote 7 pieces, recorded the data, fixed incorrect plotting then finished. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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kNn8wVayjRr8u7oWT99snaunFmzOslfA | aobqqm | {
"description": "being annoyed that my friend didn't invite me to his place after saying he would",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being annoyed that my friend didn't invite me to his place after saying he would? | I saw this sub reddit on YouTube a couple of days ago and then this happened so I thought I'd post it on here.
Ok so some backstory, I have a friend who we'll call John and he usually invites people over to hang out and a lot of the time I'm the one who's not invited, which doesn't bother me unless he tells me that I'll be invited and then doesn't invite me kinda like this story. When I am invited usually it is because he needs a computer problem fixed or he wants something from me. Don't get me wrong there are the occasional times where John will invite me around just to hang but if someone is left out 9 times out of 10 it will be me.
So early on in the week John approaches me and asks if I'd like to come to his house on the weekend with another friend who we'll call Bill. I gladly accept and we go about our day. Fast forward to Friday and I haven't heard anything about what time, what day ect and I'm starting to think that he called it off but later on in the day I here Bill talking to John about what he needs to bring to his house and when i asked John what time I should come over he says "I only invited Bill so you cant come" I'm sad and angry at this point but I keep my mouth shut as I don't like conflict.
I'm thinking of confronting hm and asking what happened but before I do I'd like to know am I the asshole for being annoyed in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
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nqVOVL4Aog6xtVpGR8UK15X9LSY729dz | aoamc1 | {
"description": "not defending white my s/o for saying the n-word",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not defending white my s/o for saying the n-word | My significant other and I are similar in just about every way except for this. He views it as acceptable to say the n-word because it's just a word. I say no because of the history behind it. Contextually, he's from the UK, I'm from the states. We've fought about this for a day or two now.
In a comment section on social media, he says white people should be able to say the n word and that it has no consequences. People reply to him calling him names and saying he would get jumped for saying the n word publicly. I read over it and he looks to me for support and I say firmly "That's fucked up of them to have insulted your appearance/called names in a civil discussion. I dont agree with your side of the argument /or/ insulting people you dont know." I tried to talk to him about it further since he always attempts to be edgy and bring it up, but he shut me out and said "I don't want to talk about it." He has since not talked to me today. AITA??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
cqeObk3HR6fs65baYd64C9jKyILFYveG | apnbl4 | null | AITA gor not wanting to marry my fiance after budding alcoholism incidents? | I don't mean that I don't want to marry him anymore, but that I don't want to marry someone with unchecked alcoholic dependence. I am absolutely in love with him. We have been together for 8 years, since during high school. He only started drinking when he was 21, and it has since escalated (4 years later). He drinks at least 3 beers a night, every night. He will go out the bar with his friends or our roommates and come home absolutely plastered, and on a few occasions has fist-fought them. He thinks he is being *just* in the moment (because he's very drunk) but he is not. He is being aggressive and violent and a bully. He is not a happy drunk. He is angry and insecure. Previous to this, he would sometimes yell at me or start a fight and I could not reason with him (because he is very drunk). Once he lost it because I was was in bed (work at 5am the next day) and I didnt want to stay up for him (sex), after a huge argument and a lot of punching stuff and keeping me up until 4am, he tried to hang himself. Because I wouldn't have sex with him he he got home from the bar.
He wouldn't be like this if he didnt drink. He wasn't like this before he started drinking. It's like walking on eggshells when I know that he has drank.
And now he is fighting our roommates and being a real dick honestly. They have always made up afterwards, but it's me who has to go break it up, because it's two in the morning and they are screaming and brawling in the front yard and he is on probation from the DUI he got last year. I don't want the cops called, I don't want to drive him to the ER.
It's clear to me that he has a problem. Doing this stuff isn't normal. But he's very touchy about me talking to him about it. I told him that we needed to talk and he really emphasized that he gets that what he's doing wrong, and he doesn't want/need to hear it from me, after all "it's not like I'm fighting *you*".
When he talked I told him that if we are going to get married, I don't want this in my life.
I feel like this is a problem that gets worse, not better, if left unaddressed. He said he'd lay off the hard alcohol. But he hasn't. No fights since our talk, but it's really fucked me up. I don't want to abandon him or his mental health, but there is only so much I can do, and it's hurting me in the proccess. AITA for wanting him to stop completely? AITA for leaving if he doesn't? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
S3PoH7NG0VnsMbXL7ule3xiMApM4JzEk | afww8h | {
"description": "complaining about my building's janitors to hr",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for complaining about my building's janitors to HR? | So when I started this job two and a half years ago, one of the first things I noticed was that the janitors for our building would sit outside of my office for up to an hour and a half each morning for their morning "break". (We have chairs set out there for students who are waiting to see their professors.) They would talk and laugh raucously (often about work-inappropriate subjects, or trash-talking other employees), blast music and videos, and generally make it impossible for me to concentrate. My job requires a lot of time spent coding, and I am most productive in the morning, so this was a pretty significant disruption for me. I began closing my door when they arrived, but they took this as an invitation to close my office door \*for me\* before they sat down. They also started speaking to me only in whispers. I've tried to convince myself they were just being considerate in their own way, but honestly it pissed me off.
&#x200B;
If this were their only break during the day maybe I'd get it, but they would also take their lunch in the same place outside my office for another hour+. Then my office is next to a lady who is close friends with one of them, so they would spend a lot of time hanging out next door too, in addition to their "official" breaks. Altogether it was about three hours a day I was having to deal with this (I started tracking it because I thought maybe it just felt longer). I should mention that most of us empty our own trash and vacuum our own offices, because we're lucky if the offices are vacuumed once a month, and the trash is left so long it starts to smell. Finally around Christmas, I was bombarded with emails from our department (i.e., the lady who is friends with one of the janitors) asking us to donate money to them as a holiday gift (there were eight emails total over the space two and half weeks). That was a bridge too far for me, and I finally complained about all of the above to HR, with the suggestion that they create a break room specifically for housekeeping.
&#x200B;
Apparently their morning break is only supposed to be 15 minutes, so this was a big deal to the people in charge. Now the janitors refuse to make eye contact when when we pass each other, and passive-aggressively take their breaks a few steps down the hall where I can still hear them complaining about how awful and ungrateful I am (they don't use my name, but it's obviously me). The coworker next door told me that the chairs outside my office are the only warm place in the building for them to sit. And I'm starting to feel like a bad person because I know janitorial work is difficult and often thankless, and I seem like some uppity girl with a cushy desk job who has no idea what they do (I did work in housekeeping myself at one point, but they aren't aware).
&#x200B;
AITA here?
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
p8cvKGi1lcxzPzOkEiU1BbflHvao2jMr | aig1lj | {
"description": "not posting pictures of my so on my Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not posting pictures of my SO on my Instagram? | First off, I feel silly for asking a question like this, but want to make sure I'm being sane and ask some 3rd parties. I really don't think a relationship should be teetering on if I post about my SO on social media...
It's a major argument point for my SO.
I only post photos of myself and see it as a personal space for me to express myself.
AITA for not changing this view to accommodate my SO?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2TvzFPS1xFbFQ2Ev0h7SuLIwrx30hH2Y | apg9nr | {
"description": "pouting about my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pouting about my birthday? | Last week, my husband suggested I arrange foster son have an overnight visit with his mom over the weekend for my birthday. I arranged that, and I also got a babysitter for him for a few hours when he came back.
Plans for this weekend that he told me about were going to see Penn and Teller (I listen to Penn’s podcast all the time), which he ultimately didn’t do since he couldn’t get tickets (This was for an already sold out show rescheduled for Teller’s back surgery) I told him about another show nearby, but he never looked into it. He then told me he’d take me to a strip club, which sounded like a lot of fun.
He was on call this weekend, but he often trades with co worker’s when they have things to do.
So, ultimately, Friday I dropped my foster son off and then came home, cooked my daughter dinner, and then didn’t do anything.
Saturday we picked up foster son, babysitter came, but he was just supposed to watch foster son, since he’s only 11 (MiL was there for emergencies, but generally not to be relied on), but out 3 year old fell asleep. Husband decides after an hour to wake the 3 year old up, so she started crying and we sat in the parking lot of the burger joint I picked out for almost an hour, before we’re able to go in. Previously said he would order a veggie burger for my birthday, ends up with chicken instead.
He did get me two Penn and Teller shirts and decks of cards, which were really cool. I’m just bummed that there was no birthday card, no plan, not even a cupcake, and all the high expectations he gave me all fell through.
Sunday, I feed the kids and take them to various parks for hours, he says he’ll clean the house. Spoiler alert: he didn’t. Says he was working the whole time, but the hour or so after I came home he was watching TV. Says he would put clothes away, only puts his away, leaves the kids’ to me.
Finally, when I’m tired and I go to bed, he says “Maybe if I do better on Valentine’s Day, I can have sex before my birthday (September).
So I bitched at him this morning about saying he’d put the clothes away and leaving them, about giving me shit for not wanting sex, about not even trying until I’m in bed anyway, and then just making a passive aggressive comment like I’m supposed to jump his bones for that.
But I also feel like an asshole because he did get me some cool gifts, even though I didn’t get to do anything I wanted to do. But I’m an adult and I know no one gives a fuck about anyone’s 33rd birthday. Also, I’m now aware he hasn’t planned shit for Valentine’s Day, which is in 4 days, so obviously that’s not going to happen, which made me more annoyed even though it hasn’t happened yet. (I got him a card and am making him a steak dinner for Valentine’s Day).
TL;DR husband got my a birthday present but otherwise ignored my birthday, then whines about not getting sex. AITA for expecting to have a fun birthday? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tbowm2qz5lIv5eLYWTUqV5h7BelqlxQ6 | a770gm | {
"description": "talking about a cancer patient with a coworker who's mother also has cancer",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for talking about a cancer patient with a coworker who’s mother also has cancer? | I wasn’t sure how to word my title but this happened a week or so ago and I feel bad for it.
So, our boss told us that our coworkers mother was diagnosed with cancer, and that it may be terminal but they aren’t sure yet. Coworker told our boss to share with us.
Cut to a week or so ago, I was on the phone with a well known cancer patient who often over shares the details of their (colon) cancer. Coworker laughed and made a comment about the over sharing and what the patient said this time. So I told coworker the patient was telling me about their poop and how they needed suppositories to go, etc and I was like “what do I even say to that?” And coworker laughed again and says nothing at all. But then I got home and I remembered coworkers mother has cancer and I felt bad for the earlier conversation as it may have been hard for her.
So Reddit, AITA in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zNFQm27Qs4Ziv0DwDIcfGUUMfkcCMau5 | awnpdf | {
"description": "having sex and smoking weed",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for having sex and smoking weed? | Some background I’m 17. My mother had me when she was like 20, and since I was a child I’ve always been told not to get a girl pregnant, always use protection etc. I understand because my mom has to learn a lot on her own with me growing up. I also smoke weed sometimes, I have a 4.0 in school so it doesn’t affect my grades or anything. My mom previously smoked but now just drinks. I’ve been busted for being high before, our agreement is that when I turn 18 I can smoke weed.
This incident happened two days ago, but basically I got home around 8pm and I had just smoked earlier. I came outside to go get ready for bed when my mom said “Aw, nobody respects my counter sign. It’s a sign that’s propped up on the counter and it was fallen over with the rest of the knick knacks.
I even though I was high, decided to go fix up the sign because I felt bad no one respected it. So I fixed it all up and she saw and said “thanks!” Then she noticed I was high, convo went like this:
Mum: Are you smoking cigarettes?
OP: No I’m not.
Mum: You’re either doing that or bud.
OP: No I’m not mom.
Mum: You’re lying to my face.
We stopped talking after and I showered cause she told me to.
While I was showering she searched my room upside down and found some condoms which she was very upset about because she didn’t know I was sexually active. She laid the condoms out on my bed and hasn’t said a word since.
I know lying is bad, but me mum always has a habit of telling me these “relatable” stories like oh I’ve done acid when I was your age or molly at this club, smoked cigarettes all the time. At parties they go off the chain, getting alcohol sickness all day. I think me doing this occasionally isn’t bad, I’m not doing it in the house just outside. The sex I think I’m justified she’s always been telling me to wrap my willy and I have with a girl who she really likes. They also have a job relationship where my gf delivers errands for my mother for cash.
My mom also refuses to speak with me, she hasn’t since she just says whatever, even when I was asking for payment for college applications she didn’t care and I needed to get a friend to loan me his card because I don’t have one. I also don’t know if my girlfriend/mother work relationship still stands.
Please help, am I the asshole here?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
uEXJrObnt44058zZAKk77xURmOG9Ps7H | b8r95x | {
"description": "wanting my fiancée to move to the same city as me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For wanting my fiancée to move to the same city as me? | My fiancée and I are in university. She graduates this semester. I still have three left. We are the same age, she was just a little more focused than I was. Being that she is graduating and I still have almost two years left, she could move to my city where my university is. It would save us a fair chunk of money and help us plan our wedding. Instead, she chose to go full time with her current job to further her career. She's a human resources major, so she can get a job anywhere. I stressed to her how much I wanted her to move to me, but she made her decision. Our relationship is the most important thing to me and I would do anything for her. I was quite hurt by her decision as it feels like our relationship takes a backseat to her career. Now she thinks I'm an asshole for voicing my displeasure with her choice. Am I being an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
ZV941awjnOs9i0N50iBuxNmvQkIv7jxv | b2atyd | {
"description": "going to my coach to bench my teammate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA I went to my coach to bench my teammate | OK so I’m a dragon boater on my schools team and this was our first regatta (for those who don’t know a regatta is festival where a whole bunch of dragon boaters come and race each other) small part that’s important to the story ig is that if you don’t know a dragon boat consists of 20 people paddling and some races are one by only milliseconds so it’s very important that everyone is paddling as hard as they can for the distance that we are travelling (200m, 500m, 2,000m) now of course you were going to much harder for a 200 and you would a 2000. So we are doing a 200m race and we are about in the middle, now a lot of people think that you can just muscle your way through the race but it’s very much technique, I guess technically you could muscle your way through at 200 but only if you’re really fit and it’s still much easier to follow technique. Ok so we are about halfway through the race when the person right in front of me takes the pedal out of the water (BIG no no) because I’m going really hard and I can’t talk because I’m so out of breath I can’t tell her to keep paddling even if I did she’s one of those people who kind of feels entitled so it probably wouldn’t of worked anyways. So we get off the boat (I can’t remember if we won or not) and I was angry. I went to go confront her but she really didn’t care. So me and my other friend on the team went to go talk to the coach about her asking if she would not race anymore or at least to talk to her about it. I mean I felt kind of bad after but at the same time I want the best team as possible.
So
AITA for going to complain to my coach on my teammate? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
m9zJwf9tvjKWtD68I0YS1tY2K3oytKqr | b3uwdf | {
"description": "refusing to work with this client",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to work with this client? | I run my own cleaning business, last week we went to work on a house in the process of renovation, along with me and 6 of my employees there were also workers there to fix the electricity outlets and others installing lights. One of my employees went to her car to grab her supplies and found that she'd forgotten her brush, we were working in a different town from where we live so she couldn't drive to get it and, I believe, used her common sense and knocked at a home opposite to ask if they could lend her a brush for an hour. They agreed and she finished her job with no issues at all, then returned the brush to the lady. Two days later I was spoken to by one of the projects managers who said he needed to have a word with me, he told me a worker from another company had saw my employee borrowing a brush and was "concerned" . I couldn't believe someone had taken the time to report that and later that day I received an 8 paragraph email about the "incident" being unacceptable. The week after he told me the work was not up to his standards, with absolutely NO feedback, I'd cleaned absolutely every surface and not a thing was left on the floor, when I asked him what the issue was he replied complaining about smell, I told him the smell was completely unrelated to my work and the issue was with the actual floorboards to which he said I was too argumentative and hostile, I decided then to quit the project and told him to find another cleaning service because I didn't have time for pettiness affecting me when I work 8 hours almost daily. He remains firm that his actions were perfectly in line as so his partners. So am I in actuality the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
46qpMhtOrD26HGruKPX5UHyWpsztgW9h | axw6dm | {
"description": "stealing the guy who stole me first",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for stealing the guy who stole me first? (Pokemon cards) | Happened 10-12 years ago.
I had betweem 6 or 8, and this guy had between 12 to 14.
I was playing with my friends and left my jacket i the floor. This guy saw it and proceeded to look inside it, luckily I saw him and shouted him, a teacher also saw it, and the guy ran away.
The teacher asked me if something was missing, and yup, that guy had stolen 10 of my pokemon cards, so I told the teacher that.
The teacher knew who that guy was so after break, teacher and me went to his class, and the teacher told the guy to put all his pokemon cards in the desk, and told me to take my cards.
Apparently this guy had insanely good cards, and here is where I think I was the asshole, because since I knew the teacher wasnt going to believe a word of the other guy because he had just stolen me I took advantage of it and didnt took my cards, but instead I took his best 9 cards and my pikachu. He of course complained and told the teacher that I was taking his cards instead of mine but as I predicted, teacher didnt believe a word of what he was saying.
So AITA for taking his cards?
Reason why I bring this up 10 years later is because this weekend I was in one of those nerdy shops, and I saw one of my cards was selling for 30$, so I might have stolen something more than pokemon cards. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
hjU1EraZtLahUJoQ2i84OvQdpReKWsBI | ayg5um | {
"description": "making a strictly factual imdb page for a short film and thus making one person involved with the film mad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making a strictly factual IMDb page for a short film and thus making one person involved with the film mad? | (*Throwaway because of reasons.*)
I have been making IMDb pages for a bunch of short films that some friends of mine made a while ago. Mostly because I'm adding to my own IMDb record, and I was an actor in one of those films.
Most of the people have been cool about this, but it recently got to my attention however, that one of the people who appeared in one of the films did not like that I published their real name and photos of them on the site. The photos are screenshots from the film, no photos on their "personal" profile.
I am trying to remove the imagesI, but I don't think I can do anything else, since I contacted MDb and they said;
> it is our policy not to alter or delete any kind of correct/factual information or credit from our records. In line with this policy we cannot delete this name because it exists and was available to the public, likewise, as the name was credited on the film itself, the credit and name page will also need to remain listed.
So other than removing the pictures, there's not anything I can do.
I don't think I can be faulted for posting factual information on IMDb. This person is credited with their actual name on the short film itself, and the short was screened publically and is available in full on Youtube.
AITA here? I guess I could have considered stuff like this, but then again; they chose to be in this film and be credited with their real name. Idk. I have Asperger's Syndrome, so I unfortunatly have a history with making people mad with it being my intention.
Also; I will not provide a link to either the short or the IMDb page, so as to not expose this person further. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Lz17JtJYn11aQvPgiSq8lvGyXmC7mJSU | agrqsj | {
"description": "owning up to my mistake of asking for a girl's number through her friend out of concern for her well-being, and brain farting when she asks why I did it, and losing a bunch of friends as a result",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for owning up to my mistake of asking for a girl's number through her friend out of concern for her well-being, and brain farting when she asks why I did it, and losing a bunch of friends as a result? | TL;DR: I get called out asking a friend for a girl's number out of concern after she got disconnected from a group discord call. When she asks why I did it, I have a brain fart and don't remember, apologize, and subsequently lose a couple of friends in the process.
Ok, so this is gonna need some heavy backstory. The girl, (we'll call her S) was in my chemistry class during my sophomore year in high school. We chatted throughout the year a couple times, but there was no other interaction outside of class. Fast forward to my junior year, and I make new friends with fellow nerds who also happened to be friends with S. I say fellow nerds because we all happen to be nerds. We like anime, memes, video games, etc. So it's through these friends that I start talking to S again. Anyway, we would all hang out in group calls on Discord, and just shoot the breeze talking about anime, memes, video games, etc. At this point, after a couple months, I started to develop feelings for S, and I think the rest of the circle might have known as well? (I'm not very sure, this is high speculation.) Whatever, one day we're in our usual group call and S suddenly disconnects. Of course, this can happen with internet and electricity and whatever, and I may have quite possibly overreacted, but I decided I wanted to know if she was OK. She wouldn't reply to messages on discord, and I thought maybe she'll come back eventually. About an hour or two of passes, and I hop off my computer and start to get ready for bed. I check to see if S responded to my messages on Discord and she still didn't. So, I decide to ask one of her friends who was in the group call with us for her number but I didn't say why, because I didn't want anyone to think I was that concerned. As I message this friend however I start to think that maybe I'm over reacting and it wasn't a good idea, and say "nevermind" and "good night." I thought nothing of it at the time, but as it turns out that friend told S what happened (which was the right thing to do) and confronts me in a group messaging room with the entire circle present. So, I will admit I sort of panicked when this happened. She blatantly asked me why I did it. Since I panicked I couldn't remember why and said so.
"Why did you do it?"
"You could've just asked me for my number."
"Is it because you like me?" (That one really sucked :( )
Many other similar questions were asked and I couldn't answer why because I had a massive brain fart. All the while I kept apologizing and in the end she said we couldn't be friends anymore and the rest of the circle felt the same way. I was really bummed. S graduated that summer, as she was in her senior year. I have not seen her since then. To this day, I still see the rest of the circle in the school hallways sometimes. Anyway, enough with my rambling. What do you guys/gals think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hTgSXbjUiqsbogzE1ibDrMIjVYfkZmuf | ao6w2y | {
"description": "not being understanding toward a person who lied",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not being understanding toward a person who lied? | Throaway because of reasons and change some details because of reasons.
So, we are all volunteers in a pretty known association, me, friend A, friend B, and Person, all doing different jobs.
Recently we have been accused of something related to Person work.
We have all defended them, because they told us they didn't do it, but abruptly we discovered that they did not do the things we are accused of but another one, more serious.
They didn't admit it, instead they have been offended and they have been passive aggressive towards all of us, let alone excused themselves.
Talking with friends A and B, me and Awere very very angry about all the story and commented it but we didn't say anything more than Person is arrogant and they have lied.
Now, friend B is mad at me because they say that I am violent, I don't understand what a dreadful day Person is going through, and I don't want to look at the overall picture, and they don't think Person has lied, but only forgot to tell us how things gone. He told me that I'm cruel and unforgiven, while all we know that what person did is a very common practice in his job.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
w2pNqrApI97DAHuNJVP8hESUls4SQhXF | a6dqp7 | {
"description": "wanting a paternity test",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting a paternity test? | Me and my ex broke up and ended up hooking up a few times.
She’s pregnant now which obviously wasn’t planned. I know all her family and she knows all mine. She said she hasn’t slept with anyone else while we have been single. I feel like such a dick asking for a paternity test, because it’s like I’m blatantly saying that I don’t believe what she has said.
It’s such an awkward thing to do as well, like everyone will be excited about the kids arrival (so will I) and I’ll just be busting i there like “let me just check it mine first.”
But I also feel like not doing one is so risky and everyone will ask if it’s mine because of the circumstances.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
64lAs89LBETO1vkTwsV2bzlMIcgPSr5T | b3mj02 | {
"description": "not telling my sister my phone password",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my sister my phone password | So about an hour ago my sister asked what my phone password was (i didn't have it on me) and then went away after I eventually gave it to her. After she went on it I checked my apps and even though there were apps their when I last had it, it was clear. She obviously went through my phone (also its not like shes my twin or older sister, she's three years younger than me) I confronted her about it and she obviously denied it. She said she wanted it because I knew her password which she gave to me. When I said I would change my password she got really mad and demanded she know my password. I didnt want her to know it because im bi and i didnt want her looking through my phone and seeing me talking to my friends about me being bi (im not out yet to my fam) or seeing any conversations i may have in the future with a boyfriend/girlfriend (haha yeah right but just in case) but im thinking maybe I'm in the wrong for not trusting my sister? After all we are family but i don't really know. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SJ5ftG9FsQ7jKfLLFyI1CSxRlG6T5ZKc | b8uto8 | {
"description": "not bringing my coworker's girlfriend her thyroid medicine",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I didn’t bring my coworker’s girlfriend her thyroid medicine? | A couple days ago a coworker of mine who I’m on friendly terms with, but is not my friend (if that makes sense), called me as I was pulling out of the parking lot for the day. He lives in an apartment about 10 minutes away from our job and he knows that I live about 40 minutes away in the other direction by his girlfriends job so he asked if I would bring her the medication that she forgot at his place. I’ve never met her before. I’m a very socially awkward person so the fact that I don’t do well on phone calls coupled with the strange nature of the request made me panic and say yes. I still don’t really know why he didn’t just take it there himself or if there was something else he had to do because I didn’t ask, but at this point I’m just assuming it’s because he knew I always already going that way and didn’t want to drive that far. Apparently the medicine was important enough that she *had* to have it that morning, not sure on the details of that either.
Let me emphasize that I really did **not** want to do this, but the extra trouble that it caused me was not very bad. Following him to his apartment and then taking a slightly different route home added about 15 minutes to my commute and having to go through the awkward “hey are you ____? Here’s your medicine see ya!” made me uncomfortable but it wasn’t the end of the world.
Would I have been an asshole if I said no to him? It wasn’t really a big deal for me to do this, but as far as I know the only reason he didn’t do it himself was because he didn’t want to drive all the way there himself. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Fk7VKnU405lAi8j9PD5PxoJVbb2aiE1k | ab5ls4 | {
"description": "buying a beer for a girl who was dancing with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for buying a beer for a girl who was dancing with my friends? | I went to a Halloween Erasmus party at a local night club in Poland. I got there with my roommates from other EU countries but as soon as I got there I joined 4 friends from China.
We were all having fun and drank beers quite a bit before started dancing. 2 of my friends were dancing with a girl for like an hour, 4 of them had been chatting with her and her friend for the whole night.
Then I joined up with the girl and 2 guys. The girl was really cute. I asked her if she was thirsty, she said yes and we walked outside to get a beer. We went to a different spot to dance and made out eventually.
Since then 4 of them stopped hanging out with me without telling the reason. I thought they were just busy travelling everyweek. I asked two of them if we are "cool" and they said yes. So I did not think much about it.
At some point I asked them to go out with me during a friday night, they told me they just wanna stay at their dorm. But at the same night I saw them at a Korean night club.
Last night I saw two of them at a Korean Club and one guy told me that they were all pissed at me because apparently I "stole" their girl at the Halloween party. They removed me on Facebook and told me to find a girl somewhere else. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
isbKzp92761bca3rrvRzpQpQ1j97Mcxm | aofv2f | {
"description": "freaking out at some people playing FIFA",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for freaking out at some people playing FIFA? | so petty shit IK. Any way me and my friends like to hang out at this youth centre thats free to enter. They have one tv with a PS4 and you can rent a game there. There is a time limit for 1.5 hours, and pretty much every time I go there it's a bunch of migrant kids playing FIFA. They're pretty loud in general, but not loud enough to get banned, and if someone else rents a game they basically hover like vultures waiting for their fucking fifa game. They don't respect the time limits either.
Anyway, they are not well liked, and we usually sit and watch them, picking them apart and mocking them. They're pretty loud so I like getting the staff to tell them off, since they annoy me. Anyway yesterday i rented a game, and sat there to myself waiting for my buddies when these things basically sat down in the couch with me, and stared at me, asking me when they could play. Me being the asshole I am went on the internet on the huge TV, put on the nastiest gore (dismemberment shit) and just waited for them to leave, which they did.
When it was their turn I intentionally talked loudly about how the "trash" was gonna play their "shit soccer game" because they are too inept to play real football, and almost hit one of them over the head with a chair since they mouthed off to a staff member, this kind old lady. My friends think I went overboard even though they hate these guys too, are they right? AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
wWpb9agYczk1gHPfIMgvopsk29c7Vrnc | b3lan9 | {
"description": "talking about my gender feelings",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for talking about my gender feelings? | Lately I've been thinking a lot about this whole gender thing, kinda connected different things that I had in my mind for a long time and thought about the fact that I would actually rather be of the opposite gender (or something in between at least).
Anyway, I'm in a local LGBTQ+ WhatsApp group and we talk about many different issues, so I tried to talk about my concerns.
I immediately get blasted by a guy who tells me that I "should have more respect because dysphoria and similar issues can't be self-diagnosed" and that he "got diagnosed with them by professionals".
That made me feel kinda bad, because I was just trying to open up about my personal experience with a group I thought I could trust and that could relate with me, nothing else.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UPQpWxnmQKbuXKgje5iohba6LsGO0iB6 | b4tl3s | {
"description": "showing too much concern for my fiancee",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for showing too much concern for my fiancee | Throwaway account and forgive the format since I'm on mobile.
My fiancee and I have been together for 5 years. We rarely argue and 90% of it is about this. I must preface to say she's never cheated on me at least to my knowledge. She likes to drink, a lot. I'm always with her and I never leave her alone for obvious reasons however she gets friendly with other people when she's had enough. Namely men. She does not say anything sexual to them and she introduces me as her SO but she doesn't shoo these men off either. After a while she's laughing with them and will sometimes hug goodbye. This makes me furious and I've told her on several occasions but she gets defensive when I bring it up.
Also all of her friends are male and I do not allow her to go alone with them drinking. She says they've never shown interest in her as they have known each other since middle school but I know how some things happen. We got into a huge fight because she told me I make her feel like shit and think she's a whore for being too friendly to men. My friends think I'm doing right by her but some are saying I'm an asshole. Am I an asshole for worrying too much? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
eAm6VavdDDUBC4NCof5Ncjga9QwzMFlz | aebhai | {
"description": "taking advantage of a GrubHub coupon to get free food",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for taking advantage of a GrubHub coupon to get free food? | So for those who don't know GrubHub is a food delivery ordering service. I live in North Carolina and there's this restaurant about a mile away from me. Now GrubHub has coupons for some restaurants (30% off, $5 off of $10, etc.) Now this one restaurant has $7 off the meal and I realized if you keep your meal at $7 or less the meal comes out to free as long as you do pick up no extra fees or taxes are charged or anything. So I've been using the coupon every few days because I don't have much food in my house. One time I placed 2 separate orders to have a meal for 2 deals. Should I information the restaurant? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
UJuErxkfa6NRJyz4JchQn5FfB70rUVYD | aqrel2 | {
"description": "not wanting to be involved in family drama that my parents tried to push on me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be involved in family drama that my parents tried to push on me? | This was a little while ago, but it's still nagging at the back of my head.
Background: my parents, grandmother, and I went to Germany to visit some more family (grandmother's sister and her family who I'll refer to as my aunt, uncle and cousin). My grandmother stayed at my aunt/uncle's apartment, while my parents and I were at an AirBnB. My mom got sick halfway through and wasn't able to do much of anything for a good few days. Before the trip, my aunt had gotten tickets for us to see a variety show. The day of the show I happened to get sick as well, and by this point my mom had been sick for a while.
Fast forward to that evening, we all meet up and find out that my grandmother, aunt, and cousin had all gone shopping. It wasn't a planned outing, just a spur of the moment, but my mom didn't take it that way. She was moody immediately after finding out and I could overhear her venting to my dad about how she couldn't believe she wasn't invited. My dad and I hate shopping, so I can see why she would have liked to go with people who are more into it, but I can't agree with her being upset with them for not inviting her; especially not when they knew she was sick and it was a spur of the moment decision.
Later that night, my parents had a yelling match over the whole thing. I hid in my room because this sort of thing happens a lot with them, and in the end they tend to try to drag me into it somehow which turns into a huge thing (not just a ten minute discussion; sometimes these arguments will go on for hours even if I insist on agreeing with them on the matter).
They did, of course. When the yelling stopped a couple hours later, my dad came in to my room extremely pissed and started telling me not to believe my grandmother (they thought she was lying and intentionally didn't invite my mom). I stayed neutral with him, but when he kept insisting that I take their side, I told him I didn't want to talk about it. I was sick and felt drained from going out to the show; frankly I thought the whole thing was petty and wanted to sleep. He tried to push me further, but I kept saying that I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't even directly involved with the situation. He ended up relenting, but telling me, "If you ever need to talk to us about something, we won't listen to you." I hardly ever tell them about anything personal, but the way he said it still rubs me the wrong way.
Am I the asshole for not giving in and talking about it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oxrPHPvfjsVOSW6mOMfVRxR05CARsXpn | 9xs9vo | {
"description": "not opening the door in an emergency situation",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not opening the door in an emergency situation? | Some guy came and pounded on my door yelling for help. He sounded legitimately terrified but I am home alone and didn’t feel comfortable opening the door. My truck is obviously parked out front and my dog was barking at the door. I did call 911 but didn’t even try to ask him what was going on. I hid like one hides when avoiding a door to door sales person. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xascxZKLhH7J3cslucBm9mM0pjK5hiYD | b13x8l | {
"description": "wanting to open a window",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to open a window? | Crazy, right? It gets crazier.
I am a 13 year old with 3 very curious autistic siblings. I don't get out of the house very often as I am homeschooled and besides going in the backyard maybe once a week I really never leave the house. I think I may leave the house once outside of the backyard once every 2 months. Genuinely.
I recently started opening my bedroom window to get fresh air and air out the house. My mother does not like this as she thinks one of my siblings will figure out how to unlock it, lift it and get out.
While I see her point, I also really like... Breathing. I guess. AITA for wanting to open a window? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BaDqYvwrg1k5vXji9CXAnN0ArFgJLwD6 | ax2fk3 | {
"description": "doing people's homework for money",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for doing people’s homework for money? | Just paid off my next semester of college after losing my financial aid. I did this through working two jobs, but mostly from being a freelance writer. That includes doing kids homework for money. I realize most of you will call me an asshole, but my vibe is great right now and I’m so happy at going to school next semester!!! Tear me down | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
aNbJPkxMTmzpuENarCgu5Sn1RB0AzOQg | ayxe4v | {
"description": "trying to get in touch after two years without contact",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for trying to get in touch after two years without contact? |
So to give you some context:
I (M) had more free time lately, so I scrolled through my contacts and discovered the number of an old classmate. So I wrote to her(F) after two years without contact:
*(original wording used, translated and without emojis tho)*
I wrote: "What is studying medicine doing? (The last time I talked to her, she wanted to study medicine.)
She: "It has become international management after all. Master then goes to Enviromantal Sustainability and Resource Scarcity.
What are you doing?"
Me:" How did you get from the plan to become a country doctor to international management?"
She: "Is somehow more creative than working in a practice/hospital :)"
Me: "Do you already know where you would like to go at some point or do you have a concrete job description in mind?
She: "Why do you want to know all that suddenly?
me:" Because I'm interested in what happened to the people I've known since the fifth grade. It's exciting what happened to everyone after such a long time.
But if it bothers you, I can also stop".
After that, I got blocked. Completely perplexed I wrote a sms.
Me:" I don't have to understand that now, do I?"
She:" Say, who do you think you are? If you just arrive and want to know SAchen, without even writing a sentence about your own current situation, after years without contact. You have no idea how people might have changed and if they might want to forget the past rather than keep it alive.
What you also can't know is what "people from the fifth grade" (from over a decade ago) have experienced with people/men, and you obviously don't know what even this sms messaging can mean for a woman. So you don't have to understand "that" if you wanted to, but it would take you a step further.
I don't want any contact with you. "
Me:" I am sorry if I did something that offended you.
Certainly you have had many experiences with other men, but I for my part have always had very positive memories of you. Please correct me if I am wrong!
If you are still interested I study \[...\].
I sent the sms to understand why you acted like this.
I actually thought it would be nice to get back in touch after years and find out what happened to the other person. I just wanted to be kind."
That she blocked me and didn't want any contact is clear. I acted against my own word. However am I wrong when I say, that she overreacted?
Please... What am I missing here?
PS: I'm sorry for my poor English. Me no native, me stupid German. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
ORyGXusgtpEixvp5Y6BmKrm6HIBH5g0r | 9yv2wv | {
"description": "giving a two-week delayed $1 tip to a sketch artist on the NYC subway",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving a two-week delayed $1 tip to a sketch artist on the NYC subway | This story is from about two years ago but has stuck with me for a while. I was riding the S train subway from Grand Central Station to Times Square after work at around 8PM. Usually at this hour the S train subway is quite empty - since rush hour is over - so everyone can get a seat. However, because this train service only makes one stop (to and from GC and TS), many musicians, artists, and homeless people tend to ride the train to try to make a quick buck from the frequent riders.
I sit down on this day and see one of the regular riders/artists who usually draws facial sketches of riders during the 5 minute duration of the ride. At the end of the ride, he gives them the drawing and he expects to receive a tip. I notice that he usually tries to draw and charm attractive females so I was surprised that he wanted to draw me (31M) on this particular day.
So he does the quick sketch and makes jokes in between to get the whole car laughing. We arrive at Times Square and he gives me the sketch but I don't have any cash on me. He says for me not to worry and that I can get him next time. The sketch was actually pretty good given he had about 5 minutes to draw it in between stations. I actually hung it up on my fridge for a while.
So a couple of days go by and I don't see this guy. And naturally, I feel kind of bad because he did a decent job and wasn't really begging for money - he was kind of cool with just giving the drawing away for free.
I hop on the S train a few days later and there he is. The only problem: I have a $1 and a few $20s in my pocket. Clearly, I am not going to give him the $20 for the amateur drawing. I didn't ask for it nor did I expect to receive. But I decide, to hell with it, he's doing the best he can, I am going to go up to him and thank him for the drawing from two weeks ago and give him $1.
So I approach the guy as he's about to do a drawing at the beginning of the ride and interrupt him to say, "thank you - here's $1 for the drawing you did last week". Huge. fucking. mistake.
Next thing I know, he's stands up and gets in my face. He says "are you fucking, kidding me? you're going to give me $1!? what's wrong with you f*ggot?! what the fuck am I going to do with a dollar, you racist piece of shit." He then stands up and proceeds to throw the $1 in my face. Mind you he clearly doesn't even know who I am. He then proceeds to take out his wallet and begins to throw more dollars at me. He's now yelling and cursing at me telling me to take the dollars and that I need it more than he does. At this point I am completely shocked as to what was happening. I was trying to do a nice thing and pay back the guy for the drawing he did for me a few weeks back (mind you I didn't even ask for the drawing in the first place). Everyone on the train at this point is looking at me and I am completely appalled. I thought to myself, this is the last time I am giving money to anyone for anything that I didn't ask for in the first place.
I am wondering, holy shit am I the asshole for only giving this guy a dollar for his amateur shitty drawings after the fact? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RXT9TKyn2PMtjwkeIQs3Ss0bnMZ2goev | aemi82 | {
"description": "firing a friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for firing a friend? | I manage a business and this person used to be my equal, but their store front closed and then they worked for me.
She had numerous attendance problems and eventually decided she was going to miss our big expo event. I told her (with encouragement from my DM) that she was either at the expo at 11am on Saturday morning or she didn't have a job.
She didn't show so I let her go. She has now called me inconsiderate, called me a bad friend and told me how a good manager would have never handed it this way.
What I think is really happening here is she's upset she didn't get to do whatever she wanted just because she's my friend.
AITA for letting her go? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
PgWXRqv5CUpP6jJe0KYO2mxil8jIhvDg | ahqzks | {
"description": "causing my best friend to lose one of his close friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for causing my best friend to lose one of his close friends? | So a little bit of backstory, my friend and met on the first day of college (almost a year and a half ago) and we have pretty much been best friends ever since. We spent at least an hour together a day since freshman year, and as sophmores we live together in a house. One of his best friends from his home town is a pretty cute girl (lets call her rebecca), who has a pretty strong history (about a 2 year relationship) with his other close friend (lets call him jeff) .
One weekend about 4 months ago, rebecca came up to visit my best friend. Rebecca had a boyfriend when she came up that wasn't Jeff, because Jeff and rebecca broke up about 6 months before this. Long story short, Rebecca and I ended up hooking up. In my defense I had no idea she had a boyfriend until after. She told me she really liked me and that she was super into me and blah blah blah. So when the weekend is over, she heads back to my best friends home town (about 5 hours away) and broke up with her boyfriend. Since then we had pretty much just had a snapchat streak and texting.
For new years, my buddy and i drove back to his hometown to celebrate it with his parents and then go to a party that night, where both jeff and rebecca would be. Now I didnt have any expectations for this party, since I thought that jeff and rebecca would be together due to their strong history and what not. Well when we got to the party rebecca was all over me, and i was trying to play it cool, because i wasn't trying to make out in front of a bunch of people i didnt know, and i told her i didnt want to make jeff mad, but she reassured me that there were no more hard feelings. About an hour and a half into the party i told her I had to go to the bathroom, and she said she did too, and i obviously had no problem with it, so we went to the bathroom together and we made out and what not, and jeff ended up walking in on us. After that he pretty much came up to me and told me to find a different party to go to, and walked over to rebecca and shoved her causing her to fall down, telling her to "be more private" so that is when I walked over and told him to back off, and found my buddy and we all left, including rebecca coming back with us. Since then, he has not talked to any of us, including rebecca or my best friend, leaving him on read 3 times. My best friend insists it isnt my fault, since theyve been broken up for over 8 months, and I wouldve had no idea that he still had feelings for her, but i sure feel like a huge asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QvUEIDThGsZumuvZ200Bk0jtEqXy0vpC | agqcqx | {
"description": "speaking up against a Bullying superior",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA, Speaking up against a Bullying Superior | Hey there, today I had an outburst of emotions.
For months, this one person had it on me.
I am in a truck driver apprenticeship atm and we, the apprentices, have to go on the daily delivery tours with the truck drivers.
I am having a blast with these guys except that one guy.
Ever since I attended this apprenticeship, he bullied me. Even the slightest mistake made him cuss me out in front of our customers. No joke, he called me useless for missing the dot on the letter "i" when signing the delivery papers.
Yesterday, a fellow apprentice fed me some info as to why he bullies me.
The usual age for first year apprentices is 17 to 18 years, I am 21. So my fellow apprentice told me that he treats me like shit because I am older and I am supposed to know how to work, yet I have the same amount of knowledge and experience as the other apprentices that started with me.
I took a few wrong turns in my life and ended up a little older in the apprenticeship.
I confronted him today, after I got publicly cussed by him out for smoking during a break.
I called him an unfair piece of human garbage that doesnt belong in our society for treating future workers for that company like that, and I said he shouldnt even be allowed to take apprentices with him with his biased and self centered behavior. (He thinks hes the best).
My Boss sees it as justified, the other apprentices too, but the other truck drivers ignore me now and everything I fought for in my life seems to crumble, so, Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
0ZeESFTf9RqLw0of1qhaHPNkUqHE9DgF | apotqb | {
"description": "getting mad at my friend for saying I cant get offended at things unless I am them",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because I got mad at my friend for saying I cant get offended at things unless I am them? | My so called 'friend' called me a dyke, trap, and a faggot and said I cant get offended by these words unless i am a faggot or trap. I disagreed, saying offensive words can offend multiple types of people. He is now mad because I disagreed with his opinion.
What he said he meant was if someone is called a faggot and they get offended they must be gay. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
L0mIUqRdm6FfT5vu2Wb4mXkG9yW2WfwU | aouw8r | {
"description": "not immediately taking the baby's temp",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not immediately taking the baby's temp? | So today as I am cooking some lunch and my wife says can you check the baby's temp. She says she thinks the baby feels a little warm. I respond ok. While she tells me this the baby is running around eating some crackers so I'm like I'll check the baby's temp in a few once I'm done cooking.
My wife works from home on Saturday and I'm off. After a few minutes wife yells why haven't I check the baby's temp yet. I said in cooking and she's not moving slow or showing her normal signs when she has a fever. Our kid is 20 months old. After I get done cooking, probably 10 mins or so, I check the baby's temp.
Am I the asshole for not checking immediately? This is our first child and my wife does panic when certain things happen | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dqrJzK0qvhxSOVfcKrem2cIBQ13A0bDl | a2ew9s | {
"description": "breaking up with a client who continually pays late",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for breaking up with a client who continually pays late? | I own a gymnastics facility and have a family who joined us in September and has not made a single tuition payment on time. The policy is that tuition is due no later than the 20th of the month for the following month (i.e. December tuition was due November 20th) to avoid a late fee. They have until the 30th to pay. If not paid by then, their spot in class is forfeited and they are removed from the roster.
This is now the 3rd month in a row I have had to assess a late fee to them. They lost their spots before due to non-payment so they are fully aware of the policies and that we do enforce them.
Technically the only money they actually owe me for services already rendered is the $5 difference in November tuition from when one of the kids was lives up to a more advanced group. It’s $5 and it’s whatever. That’s not the issue here.
They’re not bad people but aren’t the greatest clients either. Aside from the late payments, they bring a bunch of people to the classes (including small children who aren’t well-monitored), their kids are dirty and kinda stinky and waste a lot of our paper at the front desk (letting their kids scribble all over our pre-printed forms).
The mother, who is in charge of the account, has been pretty scarce lately. I reached out to her via email to ask if she wanted to discuss the due date and see if we could come up with a solution to the payment issues. She never responded. I’ve also seen her once since then as she has her kid participate in a parade we did last weekend and it never came up.
I don’t have anywhere in my policies that you could possibly be turned away for paying late all the time. However, I also feel like common sense/courtesy should kick in at some point and someone shouldn’t be surprised if they are perpetually late with tuition that eventually you may no longer be welcome back.
TLDR: A client never pays on time and has been non-responsive to reminders and attempts to come up with a solution. AITA for telling them they are no longer welcome at my business? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
IvAvKmDgrWhspSZPqNWkqUxTmWLVjCZr | 9xsqjr | {
"description": "wanting my mom to get rid of the dogs she got to replace my sister",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting my mom to get rid of the dogs she got to replace my sister. | I’ll keep it kind of short but right now I’m about 16 years old. My sister left for College this year and my mom got really sad for a while after she left since they were pretty close. Right after she left my mom got three dogs. Before this the most we had ever had was 1 at a time. At this point it’s just gotten bad she won’t admit it but I know she only got them to fill the gap my sister left. By now it’s bad because although my mom is able to take care of them it’s becoming very time consuming. It feels like everything we do has to be revolves around the dogs and this effects how long we can be out of house for. And if we can go on vacations or where we can go for vacations. I’ve expressed to her many times that i feel like all the stress she’s getting is detrimental to her health. Every time I try to talk to her though she shuts me out or gets very angry or sad. AITA for not understanding and trying to get rid of at-least a couple of the dogs? I just don’t know at this point how to get her to part with them.
TLDR: Sister left for college, mom got three dogs in place of her, dogs are affecting overall happiness and ability to do things, want to get rid of them but not sure how to tell her without getting shut out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
77I1XjBeQD1IEHx9ru51WuGlTzCcJLKD | ahkl36 | {
"description": "not inviting my mums new partner to a family event my dad will be at",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not inviting my mums new partner to a family event my dad will be at? | My parents separated in mid 2017 after nearly 30 years of marriage. My dad was devistated and absolutely heartbroken. By early 2018 my mum had started a relationship with a workmate she had been working with for years. She swears they were only ever friends up until that point. She told my dad about him at the end of last year. He was so hurt. I organised a family event that will include the extended family on both mine and my partners side but I did not invite mum's new partner because I don't want to hurt my dad. My mum is deeply offended and is refusing to attend unless he is invited. I will not budge. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ej9olDowkMM7dhL4WOQPSwZoWnH9N8wq | b52ocy | {
"description": "ratting on someone who caused property damage",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ratting on someone who caused property damage? | I was buying stuff in a gas station food Mart when I heard a loud clunk from outside. Someone had accidentally driven off with the gas pump still attached to the car, causing the hose apparatus to come off the main pump. The guy quickly took it off and drove off, but I noted his license plate number. The cashiers had no idea and I had to notify them, and I told them the license plate number. Should I have kept quiet and not implicate the guy because the damage was done? Or did he deserve to be reported? AITA for telling on him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
twicIrjXusLA22tEHJC5lOhVl5LHJmdY | a6t0nc | {
"description": "asking for my money back",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for asking for my money back? | Throwaway account.
Two years ago, my sister asked me to borrow 3k to help start up a business she was planning. She is an incredibly hard worker and it sounded like an amazing idea. Also it was start up capital and she said in 6 months, she could pay me back. She had asked to borrow 1k a few years ago while going through a divorce and she promptly paid me back. So I had no reason to suspect this wouldn’t be the case.
Fast forward, it’s been 2 years. She got engaged, planned an extravagant wedding, got married, and had a kid. She also had to let that business idea fall to the wayside during all of this bc she’s been to busy for a second career.
I know money is tighter now for her and her husband but it’s been 2 years. She keeps bringing it up, like yeah I’ll be able to pay you back half in a few weeks time or here’s $50 to take off the loan. I told her I’d rather her pay me back all at once bc it’s hard to keep track of $50 here and there.
Her reasoning is that since I’m an excellent saver and don’t have a husband/kids I don’t need the money right now. I’m planning on moving soon and I wanted to do it without dipping into my savings (it’s in an account that breaks the interest if you remove it before a certain date).
I’ve been hesitant to really ask for the money back, although I do acknowledge that I need it sooner rather than later when she brings it up bc I don’t want to put her in a hard place. But WIBTA to ask for it in lump sum before moving? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HOZHFevAnYJGQ7G2gemXUF6hnz7Fhd2h | b7b3s7 | {
"description": "making my mum cry",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my mum cry | So my dad told me my mum was in tears this morning because she thinks I don't care about here. I can understand why she might be upset about my lack of contact but I think she is blowing this all out of proportion. As a side note this isn't the first time it's happened.
It started when I moved out. I was in University and holding down a part time job. She felt that I didn't care because I wasn't talking to her. To be clear I didn't move far. I was a 15 minute walk away, she walked to see me on numerous occasions. I was also popping back home about once a week, not for long but I was still there. Often I was going to the gym and stopped for a shower as my parents house was closer.
That was a couple of years ago and for financial reasons I have moved back in, although I spend most of my time at my girlfriends house. But I make a point to send at least one night a week there, either me or the two of us.
I don't talk much when I get home, to either of my parents. I work long days and if I'm lucky I get one day off a week. I and a couple of others are starting a new business and it has taken over my life.
She thinks that my lack of contact is not caring. I acknowledge that I could be doing more but it isn't as if I haven't tried. My mum love Scrabble and I have suggested playing over an app so we could play whenever, but she won't do it. She is very lacking in technical skills, but I have offered to set it up for her but she still says no.
The other thing I feel is unfair is that all she has to do is text me and ask how things are but she won't. She "doesn't want to intrude" on my life that she believes she has no part of.
I don't know where she gets these ideas. That I don't care or hate her enough to bring her to tears, but I don't. I never have, I'm just trying to do my best in work and for my girlfriend who has her own set of problems that affect her very badly at times, but I won't get into that.
This has happened before and I'm on the edge of telling her she needs to grow up and realise that me not calling her everyday doesn't mean I don't care. Please tell me what you all think. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VMQbJKmEGgc6PTzX2a1TmXYMYzJlr4uV | aplow3 | {
"description": "having a problem with my sons private school giving financial aid",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for having a problem with my sons private school giving financial aid? | I pay $50k for my son and the school sent out a letter patting themselves on the back for having 10% of the students on financial aid. I think it's slightly weird that they think this is something to brag about especially for the 90% of the students who are paying the full tuition and not getting a free ride. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
A05zNlUhz77o2OhjHj6jQurIkxLedqbS | 9wapkw | {
"description": "being pissed that my best friend is dating my ex",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being pissed that my best friend is dating my ex? | We dated for 4 years but had a falling out about a year ago. Now my best friend is hooking up with him and telling me how great he is. I honestly don't want to hear about it and I also don't really want them dating. This is completely tearing our 6 year friendship apart but she doesn't think so. She says I'm overreacting and I should be more understanding of her romantic endeavors. Also, yeah, I'm totally over this guy, but hearing about everything she is doing with him just pisses me off. I don't want to have to relieve that relationship through her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
QSO1U8VykxfruayrsKZPr0solhgvdNg2 | axoshx | {
"description": "wanting my significant other to care as much about her fitness and appearance as I do",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for wanting my significant other to care as much about her fitness and appearance as I do | Alright everyone, I don’t want to be arguing in a thread about this because it’s rude to the original poster.
So here’s a situation I encountered about 3 years ago, we didn’t break up because of it, but we did break up after a couple months because I didn’t really see a future with her beyond that point.
Background- gf is a xc runner and beautiful as could be, strong legs, strong body, very fit and dresses well. Her mom and dad are bigger, but her mom is probably a size 12. Her dad has a beer belly.
I run xc with her for fun, but it’s not my main sport, we are both pretty good athletes and very fit. My mom is a size 0 or 2 depending. And dads not in the picture.
Conversation(paraphrased)
We just finish sexy time and it was great as usual,
We are just talking and I tell her how beautiful she is which leads to a tangent which is basically
Gf- yeah I love how flat my stomach is right now, it’s kind of crazy how I’m never gonna look this fit again
Me- what do you mean? Like you won’t stay in shape?
Gf- well after hs and college I don’t really have to workout anymore, it’s not a big deal if I gain some weight I’ll just be normal
Me- I guess, but what about your husband or bf at the time, I personally would want my wife to stay fit because I plan to
Gf- I’ve seen how my dad bugs my mom about her weight, I just don’t really think it’s that big a deal
The conversation wasn’t gonna go anywhere so I just kinda quit.
But today I was reminded of this situation. I dated her for a few months more before I left for college and I just never saw her in the same light again.
I am not saying she’s the asshole, but since getting downvoted to oblivion for saying I would let physical appearances affect my judgement of a person after 6 months well I just want a bigger take.
Ps go look at my comment history, you don’t need to roast me about saying I’d break up with a girl after 6 months if she lost an eye or gained enough weight to increase clothes sizes permanently. After 6 months I probably don’t love the girl, I don’t know anyone who falls in love that fast but I certainly do not.
Tldr: aita for expecting my significant other to stay in shape with me throughout our relationship | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
rcap9J2QZLVEMKVF6wsrulAvHCUyBjFf | 9vn562 | {
"description": "leaving my GF home alone after she got a kidney stone removed, to go to a party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | WIBTA if I left my GF home alone after she got a kidney stone removed, to go to a party? | Backstory: Yesterday my girlfriend was released from the hospital after being there for two days getting a kidney stone removed and recovering. We are supposed to go to a party tonight, but she is on pain killers so drinking is a no go. She does not want to attend and instead has requested me to stay home and take care of her.
I want to attend as I rarely get to see this group of friends or go out for that matter. She is given the flexibility to go out when she likes and does so multiple times a month. WIBTA if I go to this party and leave her at home? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
YUEcb2IL388eEV0vU4uGT38UgGqbvOa4 | aut3wo | {
"description": "refusing to give my friend the answers because she won't get the textbook",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA: I refuse to give my friend the answers because she won't get the textbook | So essentially, in class, our teacher gives us some questions to work on from the book and lets us work with whoever's nearby. I set next to... let's call her Bob, and whenever this happens, we have a simple enough arrangement. She grabs the book (I'm lazy and the textbooks are all the way at the front of the class) and then I search for the answers and give them to her.
She gets work on drawing, which I don't mind, she's an amazing artist and I love seeing what she has to draw. All she has to worry about is writing what I tell her. Instant A+
Today, Bob refused to grab the textbook because she doesn't feel well. I'll admit, she's been acting weird all day. I was worried for her at first, but for some reason, this just pissed me off. I end up grabbing the book myself and refuse to give her the answers. I figure, If she wants to pass, she can do her own work.
She doesn't. She just naps all class and gets an F for the day. I do the work as usual, just on my own for once.
I thought it was a fair enough arrangement, but Bob seemed pissed, replying to my texts with one-word answers and basically ignoring me irl.
I thought it was a clear cut case, she's was lazy and got what she deserved, but her reaction has me a little worried. Am i actually the asshole? Shit.
Tl;Dr: Bob refuses to grab the textbook so we can do the work. I refuse to give her the answers, and now she's mad at me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
Vm5qGw0jzpj2YFdCq6VTQULSRyFOPEJf | alos3d | {
"description": "wanting to attend the party after my company's Dinner and Dance when my girlfriend would like to spend some time with me before I go overseas for a week",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to attend the party after my company’s Dinner and Dance when my Girlfriend would like to spend some time with me before I go overseas for a week? | My Girlfriend would like to spend the night with me before I go overseas for the coming lunar new year holidays. I will be away for close to a week. As this is an annual event, I thought about having a fun night out with my colleagues. But if I attend the party, I would only get to meet my Girlfriend after I’m back. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Owx8Xow9WWm1m4E17DNCKwPqbXRJqGzD | a5c1kc | {
"description": "calling my gf gay in front of my gay roommate",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for calling my gf gay in front of my gay roommate | So my girlfriend and I have certain inside jokes that we make to each other from time to time, and one of these is calling each other gay. Well today while visiting me, we were getting ready to leave to go out to eat, my roommate walked in. We were just talking back and forth, when she said “I am” and I responded with “gay, I know” and my roommate went into the bathroom to take a shower and we left. I realized it was a mistake but thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal
After about an hour I received a text from my roommate basically saying that I am homophobic and he feels uncomfortable to be around me.
Am I the asshole for saying it as a joke to my straight girlfriend? To be clear, I have no problem with LGBTQ+, and have no reason to have any hatred towards him, I just want to understand why I should be labeled homophobic because of a single comment | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
aOXiOnKICIUL8Y8KTmb7qnQW0WAWUaC3 | ajywzr | {
"description": "breaking up with my gf over her sketchy actions and drug use",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For breaking up with my GF over her sketchy actions and drug use | So to begin this all off, I am not against smoking weed every couple days to relax, but I do not personally like the act of smoking.
The girl I was with for around 8 months has a bad past with depression and was emotionally abused by her previous ex. But when we met, she only smoked every once in a while. As the relationship went on, she began hiding the fact that she was smoking more and more, and she was suddenly getting sick every couple weeks. Most of the time she would end up in the hospital and she would usually stay the night and head home with painkillers.
After a while, she would begin getting “sick” during bigger events, like my Senior prom. She was losing weight at an alarming rate too and I honestly didn’t know what to do.
After our 8 month anniversary, i sat down with her and talked to her about how i was worried about her drug use.
She began getting defensive about everything and accused me of cheating, and throwing out other insults.
I simply ended it right there.
I am only 19 and i dont want to be drug down this early in my life with problems like this, and her actions could get me in trouble at school or with the law.
But on the other hand, i feel like i just ditched her when she probably needed me most.
So AITA?
How would you guys have dealt with it?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XbHMS3BlE3eKEwCujYDkvdkwj3A82N0x | a8pjwg | {
"description": "telling an aquantence that the photo she posted was unflattering to her friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for telling an aquantence that the photo she posted was unflattering to her friend? | For backstory, Ive known these girls since high school, I talk to Bitch1 frequently even though we dont live in the same state anymore.
So Bitch1 posts a snap of her and bitch2, bitch1 looks so great, but her friend looked straight up fat (even though she has a nice curvy body in person and all her other photos.) I sent a PM saying
"your mean for posting this, it's so unflattering😂"
trying to make light of it. They BOTH came back at me in snap videos calling me out on the most random stuff "oh but your high school boyfriend cheated on you? Ok." And saying they want to physically fight me! The 3 of us are in our mid 20s, I honestly thought she could take the criticism.
TL;DR I told who I thought was a good friend, that their photo was unflattering and they dragged me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
hW9gLIIkaVaojARZSjpec2LbSX9ULEfX | azz1y2 | {
"description": "excluding a guy from our friend group",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA- We excluded a guy from our friend group | Okay so they was about 10 of us (all 15) who play ps4 together and one of the guys let’s call him Brian... Brian loves attention and would say random things all the time for ppl to pay attention to him
Last year he tried to kick me out of the group by chatting about me behind my back and making up lies about me to everyone and if I wasn’t very close with one of the boys then I doubt I’d still talk to them (Bob)
A few of us are also in the same clubs as him like youth group and when we went on a trip with the youth group he was so rude and lashed out all the time on all of us when we wouldn’t do anything
After that trip we were all sick of his attitude (he also claims to be ‘troubled’ but doesn’t do anything about it he’s just very angry all the time) so we stopped inviting him to ps4 parties and things like that
I know we could of handled it better but the relationship with him was so toxic, personally I just couldn’t handle it | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DXKTBlkRqJ4GlN5tfIBsfgDpXAkf5do7 | 9yd0ok | {
"description": "being sad/sulking that my girlfriend hasn't visited me at college",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being sad/sulking that my girlfriend hasn't visited me at college? | I'm currently a freshman in college and my girlfriend is a senior in high-school, i'm about 3 hours away by driving and 3.5 by train. So far since i've started i've visited home 5 times, essentially any free weekend that I had i've gone home to visit her. We established that we'd visit back and forth and keep it balanced but she has yet to visit, and let me know today that she won't be able to visit for the rest of the semester. I know it's petty and everyone has busy lives, I haven't said anything nor will I but am I an asshole for being sad about it? and should I say anything? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cwdykjUJ1Ln8zfcf80Hytey6fvsqiOy5 | aeh5o7 | {
"description": "telling my mom how I really feel about her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my Mom how I really feel about her boyfriend | Sorry for the wall of text, but I wanted to give as much perspective on the situation. As well sorry for any spelling, grammar, or format errors, I'm typing this on mobile.
So my Mom has this boyfriend Tom, who I honestly can't stand. When she first introduced him to my sister and I, it was pretty clear my sister hated him. She tried calmy telling my Mom this, but she just ignored it (possibly because my sister moved far away for her job and thus has limited contact except for short visits).
I have tried spending time around him but don't enjoy it. He has lied to Mom, practically cheated on her (long convoluted story there), and everything that comes out of his mouth is a complaint, or criticism of some sort of institution (often either the government or US Education system). He will endlessly talk during movies and TV shows either telling us every last biographical information on the actors, film crew, and producers for movies produced before 1970, and for those after poking at every minor plot hole, media trope, or character flaw.
My Mom has tried time and again to insert him into family functions but never warns us. He has attended Thanksgiving for the last two years, Christmas of 2017, and she has occasionally invited him to a family dinner without telling anyone (he is just there at her place when we arrived).
This all reached a head during last Thanksgiving. For my family Thanksgiving is a huge holiday filled with days of lots of good food and alcohol, that we all contribute to. He showed up the Thursday of and didn't leave. My sister just isolated herself in the guest room she was sleeping in, however as I sleep on the couch while I'm visiting, I could not escape him. I was distant and cordial until he started mocking my sister's eating habits and a few other thing, which she could hear because the apartment isn't that big. At that point I saw red, and while I kept quiet, I probably became rather curt with him. The best part of the holiday was the one morning he went back to his place and the tense atmosphere left with him.
This reached a head as the next time I saw my Mom, she tried to lecture me about being kind to her guests (yet I apparently don't count as one even though I don't live with her). I had to tell her that I tried to give him a chance but I can't stand him. The only nice things he has to say are about her, and I can see why his own son won't speak to him and I don't want to spend any time around him if I can help it. She tried to tell me to call him out on his behaviors I don't like, but I don't feel comfortable telling him he's acting like an ass and has to stop. After this she just got defensive and shut the conversation down.
And less than a month later when my sister comes up for Xmas, my Mom begins to act majorly passive aggressive and cold towards us. I tried to make things lighter and did slightly succeed, but overall the holiday felt hollow. On top of it my sister subtly informed us she has volunteered to work Thanksgiving and Xmas next year (and thus won't be around). The only positive thing was that Tom didn't show up. However, since then any interaction, if one occurs, with her feels strained and like she's not there.
I am just hurt and livid as I'm watching my family fall to pieces because my Mom has decided this is her hill to die on. I understand she wants a partner to feel happy and fulfilled with, I just wish it was someone who didn't behave like an ass ninety percent of the time. Am Ithe ass hole here for telling her the truth in hopes she realizes how bad his behavior is?
Tldr: my Mom's boyfriend is an ass, after a long time of her not accepting me and my sister find him distasteful I had to put it bluntly, and now she is pulling away and letting the family fall apart. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
t6qHSTDtUBMTZOXXsKNmq8cjhAVxGGmQ | alnk4v | {
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for saying \"I love you\" to a female friend",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for saying "I love you" to a female friend? | My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months, and he has never said "I love you" to me and chooses to say things such as "I like you a lot". Telling me he will only say it if he means it. That was fine by me, and I appreciate his honesty.
This is where things get a little messy. He has a close online friend from Europe who he had admitted he had deep feelings for before he met and the feelings were still prominent when we first began dating. They have done sex cam videos for each other before, and while he reassured me that they no longer do it, they still video call nearly everyday, even when we're hanging out.
I found out today that he tells the friend "I love you", which hurt me in a way. I confronted him about it, and he defended himself saying it's because the friend says it to him first and he must say it back lest she gets angry. This lead to us fighting, and I feel extremely guilty now. Am I an over sensitive asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BVntlhFWivqsff9HIz9wAyJtPfuMcjaz | b8lvqc | {
"description": "paying off my wife's loans without asking",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for paying off my wife's loans without asking. | Dated for 3 years, and during our second year, she took at 14.99% APR loan on a car. She has been paying more than minimum, and should have had it paid off in 3 years rather than 5. However, one month after our marriage, I paid the whole thing off for her without consulting.
She is upset because I have taken away her responsibility and feels like I constantly get involved and take over financial maters.
Not sure what to do...
Sorry that this isn't as nicely worded or as juicy of a story as most of the top posts. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 17,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
NkPLQNAzD7CMoLRxjdMdqYFS8DKSs9ry | avddry | null | AITA Subbed to my friends reddit account without telling him, looked through his posts, found a bad comment about me, used my alternate account to find out more info. | I subbed to my friend's reddit account a few months ago without telling him, I scrolled through his reddit account twice, the first time a few months ago and the second time today, to see what he regularly comments and posts, which I know sounds shady but I was genuinely curious and I thought he would be ok with it cause it was mostly just epic memes and stuff. However, I saw a comment where he was talking about someone but not exactly in a very good light. Initially i was shocked because part of the description sounded like me, so I used my alternate account to post a reply asking for more details so I could figure out who it might be, without him knowing it was really me. He got suspicious and then checked my post history. He then messaged me on whatsapp asking if it was me because of the post history, to which I said no because that account was filled with a lot of stories about my personal issues which I didn't want him to know about.
I panicked and started deleting posts from the account thinking he would go back and look at them and think it was me. I know this sounds really hypocritical but I wouldn't have looked through his account if I knew there was anything personal on it like mine, but it was just memes. My alternate account was mainly posts on nofap, bullies and social problems I faced in real life which I didn't want him knowing about.
So long story short, am I an asshole for looking through my friends account and pretending to be someone else or is he a scummy friend for talking bad about me online and not telling me himself? Or are we both assholes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
nISaT9vg050A4petOdla6ddC4ROLXvU4 | b4l77n | {
"description": "telling my uncle to shut up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling my uncle to shut up? | Just 30 min ago I went downstairs to play my piano. I have a big family and I only get a 20min window when I can play my piano with no people downstairs.
I see my uncle, who is currently visiting, on the couch, sleeping. I try to set my piano up quietly, when my dad comes in and wakes him up, to move his car. They both walk outside, so I start playing. I have a concert coming up soon, so I need to practice.
I get halfway into my piece, when my dad and uncle come back and start loudly talking while walking around. I get pissed, turn around and say:
Is it necessary to scream around right now?
My dad quietly says:
No.
And they keep quiet. I keep playing my pieces, when uncle's wife, my aunt comes downstairs with her 3yo. They make much more noise, so I stop playing. They want some ice cream or somethin, so they are trying to get ready. I grab my phone and browse reddit, not playing the piano, right in front of them. They leave, I finish my playing and come back upstairs.
I tell this to my mom and she got angry at me, and that she didn't raise me like this. She said, that now the uncle will be offended and will nag about me telling him to shut up for a long time.
AITA for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
UQhqZbeHD9JqWSLCBKPhNx3VvhTxDqRH | azjnzi | {
"description": "not contacting a guy I just met",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not contacting a guy I just met? | I met a guy on a plane today. It was a short flight and I usually get some work done while in the air but as soon as I took my laptop out of my bag he asked me if I fly from this airport frequently (it's a really small one with 4-6 flights departing each day). I told him I'm just kind of a long-term tourist in this country and that I'll be leaving in several weeks. We then proceeded to have a really nice chat, he works in the same field as I do so we shared some stories, then he told me he could show me some places off the beaten track if I wanted to. At first I was totally into it, because I don't really know many locals yet and have only been to the main tourist attractions.
But then he started asking some really private questions like which part of the city I live in, what my daily schedule looked like, if I shared a flat (I lied that I do because I felt uncomfortable) and if I spent many evenings with my flatmates. He said we should definitely meet up so that he can show me around. He asked for my phone so that he could save his number and told me to message him as soon as I get off the plane. I didn't. Would I be an asshole if I never contacted him again? Is it just my paranoia speaking? I probably should've never given him my phone in the first place but I have a hard time saying no to polite people. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uM5Ap6iA59HPLaDHaRTjL4PtkKmdflTD | b8o0we | {
"description": "continuing to have sex with a girl I really like who isn't interested in ever dating me",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for continuing to have sex with a girl I really like who isn't interested in ever dating me | She doesn't know I like her, but I do and I have for a few years. I thought she was interested in me, we hung out one night, it ended with lots of drinking and us having sex. It seemed like things were perfect and it was everything I wanted until right before we had sex she said "this is just as friends right?" And I didn't know what else to say so I said yes, but that feels like a lie, because I've liked her for three years now and I don't think I'm capable of just having sex with her as friends. I never did anything about it because for a long time she was in a relationship with my friend and then for a while we were living in different cities.
I know I really should be honest with her, but the sex is fantastic and when we're hanging out and kissing and cuddling and having sex, it almost feels like it's a real relationship, and that feels amazing, and I'm not sure I have the will power to end that. We've been doing this for a while now and I feel like an asshole every time we fall asleep cuddling and I'm thinking about how great it feels to finally be with her while I know she's just thinking this is some fun between friends. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
By50c3yH98YaB0yWhClSAqgRcoS0eCrk | at980u | {
"description": "thinking it's ridiculous to sign a card and donate money for flowers because my supervisor's manager's boss's brother-in-law died",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for thinking it’s ridiculous to sign a card and donate money for flowers because my supervisor’s manager’s boss’s brother-in-law died? | I’m not very good at knowing which relatives’ deaths to announce in an office setting. I remember I kept it to myself when my grandfather passed, but a couple of months later I signed a card when my coworker lost his own grandfather. Still, this one seems like a stretch to me. Or I’m just an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
0fLmFtIlIKVZScBFY5cWhsLAzB5hzb93 | aa9xv1 | {
"description": "not driving my sisters for a camping trip",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not driving my sisters for a camping trip | My family have brought up that my sisters and I have been invited to go camping with my Pa 1.5 hours away from my house, and that I was the only one that could drive them there. This would be happening tomorrow and I was contacted today about it. I am only 9 months into my red P’s so long drives like this still make me exhausted by the end and the trip is only for a night before we head back home. I do not wish to go because I do not see the value in traveling that distance for a night of camping. AITA for not taking them? Public transport is out of the question as there are no trains arriving to the campsite. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jVTJI0xn2rTX502KzdFKyIkoqOSPa5vK | au53yi | {
"description": "asking for my shotgun back",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for asking for my shotgun back? | My (24f) ex (28m) bought me a shotgun for my 21st birthday for clay pigeon shooting. I was going to buy it for myself, but he insisted to get it for me as a gift, and I was very grateful for that. So it's registered under his name, but I live in a state where you can gift/privately sell guns without papers. I was in college at the time so I never felt comfortable having it with me, and I only went shooting with him, so we decided it was best to stay in storage at his house.
After dating five years I broke up with him (he was emotionally abusive but idk if that adds anything to this). He tried to change and work it out for a few months after, but ultimately it ended. I haven't talked to him in a few months, but before we stopped talking I did ask if I could have it back and he said sure, but never got around to it. He has other things of mine that I'm taking the L on, but I do really want this one thing in my possession.
I finally feel confident that the gun would be safe where I live now, and that I can safely use it on my own. And also some friends have expressed interest in clay shooting in the future, and I would like to join with my shotgun.
The problem is - I randomly ran into him last week and he ignored my existence. So (unbeknownst to me) we are not on good terms. I thought we ended things alright (not great, but semi amicably), but I guess I was wrong.
WIBTA for asking for the gift back after all this time? And if he were to say no wibta for pursuing it further or should I just drop it? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TQkYXwzrs9bZqWnPXeBw3PPtPo0gJnTa | 9vybej | {
"description": "hanging out with my male friends even though they make my boyfriend uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for hanging out with my male friends even though they make my boyfriend uncomfortable? | Yeah I know it sounds bad straight away but I’ve had this group of friends for years now and I think they’re a really cool group of guys but my boyfriends feels uncomfortable with them and begs that I make female friends instead. Probably making my case sound worse but this group also contains an ex, someone who had tried to kiss me before I met my boyfriend who still says weird stuff sometimes and someone who apparently claimed to have feelings for me while drunk at a party over a year ago.
I want to respect his wishes but I also deserve to hang out with my friends so I continue to anyway, but try to accomodate more comfortable situations like I’d never hang out with one alone or even two.
The problem for me is I don’t want to cut any of my friends off or avoid hanging out with them because I am quite socially awkward and find it hard to make friends so I really treasure the ones I have. So am I the asshole for still hanging out with them regularly? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
9UXhA4fkc2W1lgVwShhJ6vOxY2JwYc2B | b2opuz | {
"description": "not wanting to help my classmate",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to help my classmate? | I have always been doing well in school. Now I'm at the danish equivalent to high school. My two main subjects are math and physics, which i quite enjoy.
My class is great, except for this one dude. I'll call him Tim. It had only been a week in our new class, and everybody else started to take distance from Tim. We do include him in parties, so it's not like we are being mean. But, Tim did not show up half the time. When he was at school though. he would chatting on Discord or sleep, Although we do find it amusing when he's asleep, I can't stop feeling kinda sorry for him.
The problem is, when we are told to work on our own, he has no clue what we are doing. Tim always goes: "OP (or some of the others) what are we supposed to do, and how" ? Then I'll tell him what he has to do. Of course Tim still has no clue, because he either slept through or wasn't paying attention when the teacher taught us something new.
My medium-sized guilttrip and the entire reason i made this post, comes because the teachers always talk about making sure everyone is in on the topic. Also, when we make our own groups, nobody wants to have Tim in their group.
I really think he should take responsibillity for his own education, but I feel somewhat guilty because i know i can help.
AITA??
TL:DR: Kid in my class is always sleeping and never paying attention, but I don't want to spend my time helping him always.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0Xdp0tieJJo43K3no8WfBNINEHH2KB79 | aknlwd | {
"description": "not forgiving a co-worker for talking about me behind my back and spreading rumours",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not forgiving a co-worker for talking about me behind my back and spreading rumours? | This was a previous job but would like to know if I handled it OK.
Basically the job was a really good one, but it didn't pay amazing and had a greatly reduced staff during the summer (my contract was ending and I would have to reapply next season if I wanted to work there again). Part of the job involved staying ~2 hours from civilisation in a small cottage with another staff member (a sister location, essentially). When I was sent to the cottage, I was always put with a girl (let's call her Jan) who I didn't really get along with.
I had the final stay at the cottage, and went back to the main town. Another staff member (April) took my place with Jan. While hanging out with April's boyfriend, he told me that Jan had been telling everyone that she suspected I had masturbated while staying at the cabin. April then sent me a message that Jan had also told her that the boss had visited the cottage, and while there the boss had supposedly told Jan that "there was no way in hell Hootinglance is getting a written reference" for any future jobs. (keep in mind that the current job was one that I was qualified for, that I worked hard in, and that I loved, and that me and the boss got on very well (or so I thought)).
I was very upset. I went into work the next day with a resignation letter in my pocket (there were only a few weeks left anyway) . I saw the boss and told her about what Jan was saying. Boss told me it was just a horrible rumour and that of course she'd give me a reference. We had a big cry together. I didn't give her the resignation letter.
That night I was riding my bicycle when I got a call from Jan. I hung up on her (I was busy, having a good time, and didn't want to talk to her). She kept ringing me back until I picked up. The following isn't word-for-word the conversation but close enough
Jan: "I just thought we should clear the air a bit"
Me: "okay..."
Jan: "boss told me what happened. I'm sorry you got upset, and I hope you can accept my apology"
Me: "No. I don't accept your apology." *hangs up*
Boss messaged me shortly after. (everything from here on is the actual messages, just altered names)
Boss: Hey Mate, I don’t want to pry in how you deal with things, but I think you need to hear what Jan has to say or you’ll be angry for ages! I’ve spoken to Jan this afternoon, who has said she has tried to apologise & you hung up on her. Yes, she hurt you, and what she did is unforgivable, but how many times did she hang out your washing at Cottage, put all your dishes away & whatever else was not done? This would annoy me and you if you had to pick up someone all the time. Giving people a fair go & an opportunity to make things right is so important. I know she was hurtful, but she realises that she wants to apologise to you. To ring someone you know is angry at you takes a lot of guts. I’m not taking sides, but remember that you are a decent & well-mannered guy & try and find it within yourself to give her a chance and make things calm. I’ll leave it in your hands. I hope you find it yourself to reconcile.
So I messaged Jan.
Me: boss texted me, telling me that you'd complained to her that I didn't accept your apology. Didn't think I'd have to explain adult relationships to you but here I go. This isn't primary school. You did a shitty thing spreading a rumour, not apologizing, acting all knowing and smart, and then when you finally did apologize, you said you were sorry that I got upset, not for doing a shitty thing. You were sorry that I had a problem. You however did nothing wrong.
Regardless of whether this is what you meant, that's what you said. Even if you had apologized correctly, I don't have to accept said apology. It's not some magic word that makes everything better. If I said "oh that's fine" I'd be lying. I'm not going to make myself into a crutch to make you feel better and I'm not going to lie and say everything's magically solved cause you called me one time. Any good karma you've built up, or any annoyances I've done (e.g. forgotten to hang washing out at cottage) are negligible and irrelevant to the current matter. I could go through a list of all our contentions, but it's beside the point. I don't forgive you. If you want to complain to boss again that I'm being mean or whatever, fine. Drag me into her office and I'll tell you I forgive you. But it'll be a lie. At least I'm being honest about it. I don't have to accept your apology. Does this mean I'm brooding over it and crying myself to sleep every night? God no. But you can't do a shitty thing then expect it to be negated by saying the magic words. Welcome to the complexities of adult life."
She never replied, and we never spoke again. Am I the asshole? Should I have accepted her apology? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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