id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Cgf2I7T0qpUQFdlG9ScWUkKUvBs0i9pm | b0uvak | {
"description": "paying a homeless guy 5 dollars a day to write my Instagram handle on his panhandling sign",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | WIBTA if I pay a homeless guy 5 dollars a day to write my Instagram handle on his panhandling sign? | There's a bunch of homeless people in my area. They stand at intersections and busy areas with a sign asking for money or beer. So my thought was to find a couple dedicated ones and pay them 5 bucks a day to advertise my instagram (insert free real estate meme). What do you think? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
Bae7yuhKfW5hGNZv1A1peVcz7nCVSraP | ak7ngp | {
"description": "telling my boyfriend that I don't want guests in our 1 bedroom apartment",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my boyfriend that I don't want guests in our 1 bedroom apartment? | I (24 F) live with my boyfriend (24 M) in an 800 square foot one bedroom apartment. The apartment has a kitchen/living room (one big studio space), a bedroom, and one bathroom. We live in a city that's about 5 hours away from our families, high school friends, and college friends, so when we have visitors, they tend to stay awhile (2-3 full days).
We've had some different group of friends come over a few times since we've moved in, and each time someone comes, it gives me a headache (figuratively) and I dread hosting them beforehand and can't wait until they leave. Sharing such a SMALL space with more people besides us is really annoying to me because they are sprawled out on the floor along with all of their stuff. In addition, there is only one bathroom, so each person who spends the night adds another person on to the list of the people who have to use the same bathroom.
My personality is very type A, so that's why having people over gets under my skin. I don't like the thought of my space being made dirty, and having other people use my toilet, sink, and shower makes me feel uncomfortable. It's also such a small apt, that basically no one has any privacy and everyone is sitting on top of each other practically.
I told my boyfriend that having people over is unenjoyable for me and I don't like having to host people in the small space since they tend to stay a while (since they have to drive far, which is understandable). He said he feels bad because he doesn't want to discourage friends from visiting and he doesn't want to ask them to get a hotel since we're all recent grads and we don't all have a lot of money. He was worried I will never want to have friends over in the future. I told him things would be different if we lived in a house which had more space for everyone and I wouldn't have to share a bathroom with people. We don't currently have short term plans to move into a bigger space, so I don't have a concrete date to give you.
A few more things to note: this isn't just me complaining about his friends. I dread my own friends coming over too. However, his friends are currently over this weekend, and one of them drank too much and threw up a bunch in the bathroom and another one spent a long time in the bathroom pooping and then DIDN'T wash his hand afterwards. These uncleanly things have disgusted me honestly.
AITA for telling him I don't want to host people in our apt (except family) anymore until we live in a bigger space with more bedrooms and bathrooms?
Thanks for your opinions! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
edbOtQiBY15a0j1jALyLUFNCE1fRmdVT | aez8u2 | {
"description": "refusing to trust anyone, even girlfriends and family",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to trust anyone, even girlfriends and family? | So I don't trust anyone. I guess I'm paranoid, but I'm super strict about what poeple know about me. There's no reason, but I'm generally very open with not trusting people. It's affected relationships, and I've lost amazing girls because of that. I just don't trust anyone, not even my own family. Am I the asshole here? I don't think its in my nature, and several exes have said that I'm cold/paranoid, and that they felt I didn't value them. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
j3tFgCPrc9vjb0B58dxO0h2I0uBhK1LT | a27j0b | {
"description": "being concerned with how much my girlfriend and best friend talk",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being concerned with how much my girlfriend and best friend talk? | So I had a work buddy at my old job who I became best friends with over the course of a few months. After I lost my job, we kinda drifted apart and only really talk on Facebook every couple of days.
I introduced my gf of 2 years and him to each other via Facebook a few weeks ago and they got to talking, which didn't bother me really. But lately I've noticed... they've been messaging each other every single day. None of the messages are explicit as far as I know, and she mentions me in conversation sometimes, but it gives me a weird feeling.
I mean she can talk to him for hours on end, sometimes even texts during work. I know she isn't physically cheating on me, but I still feel like their bond has become too strong and is making me uncomfortable. I mean she doesn't even text me during work, and my buddy doesn't text me nearly as much as he does with her. Am I overreacting? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bFF3s6uqAgMHg8MhWCamZ0U3SZvfhf6A | 9vow87 | null | AITA | Am I the asshole for ordering a burger a McDonald's and when they screw it up, I take it back and ask them to redo it?
Ps: I ordered it incorrectly | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
gtdVwrWAp0dCtnPHToyVWlZ4QgOVpJ3M | a340gk | {
"description": "not wanting anything to do with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting anything to do with my sister | First, sorry for formatting cuz mobile.
So 4 months ago my (M23) 18 year old sister up and moved out with about 6-7 hours notice, to another state, with her ex who she “still loves” that caused our family hell when they dated previously.
Background: this kid is a bottom of the barrel human, barely graduated high school, no college, no job (aside from being a sound cloud rapper). My sister was phenomenal at academics, star soccer player, pretty hard worker usually. When they dated he was verbally abusive, constantly fighting with her and my mom became the mediator in the relationship. She didn’t want to forbid them from dating because she knew it would happen in secret then, which it turns out she was exactly right. Their fights occurred in high school to the point the principal called my mom to come down, and the outside of school fights (all verbal) escalated to the point we went to court for a restraining order. Apparently we didn’t have a concrete enough case but they gave us an order of no communication. Which was when the secret dating began, without us knowing. This lasted about a year until 4 months ago she said they had still been talking and she was moving away with him.
It should be noted that he is bankrolling the entire thing because her food server job sure can’t afford an apartment, utilities, phones, food, 2 pets, and her expensive clothing habits. I am big into the type of music he “makes” and I have never heard his name aside from small shows at small venues, he has no real footing in the industry. He frequently posts online videos of him smoking weed with stacks of money, so we have reason to believe he has an “alternate” source of income.
My family has been in ruins my mom and grandparents especially. She has always treated them poorly as well. Had no problem arguing yelling and generally being a nasty person to them if they didn’t say things she liked.
When this all happened I was furious because I couldn’t stand to see my mom seemingly fall into depression. My sister has been back home on a few occasions because, shocker, he’s still a verbally abusive child who likes to argue. Granted she is a confrontational person as well. They just don’t go together.
There is no reasoning with her no matter how nicely you try to talk or how factual you are, if you aren’t saying what she wants to hear it becomes an argument where she never accepts she is wrong.
After a few trips home each one left my mom worse than before. I finally got fed up and told her I didn’t want to see or hear from her again unless she was in jail or a hospital. I haven’t spoke to her except for if my parents get worried they haven’t heard from her so I step in and do the bare minimum to see what’s going on.
I want the best but history with this kid does not bode well for her and I’m sick of trying to reason with her while she acts like she’s a smarter adult than the rest of us, trying to make it seem like we’re wrong for being opposed to the situation.
So guys Am I The Asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ryvDnW6CFykKpOwhHHrfOYBe229aCVxe | b0s5cb | {
"description": "anonymously turning in an underage drinker purely by rumor",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | WIBTA if I anonymously turn in an underage drinker purely by rumor? | This is something I've been really debating in my head for the past few days. I really would like to know if I'd be in the wrong if I do this. (Tell me if this would fit better in r/Advice and I'll move it)
There has been this rumor I've been told by two trusted friends and confirmed by another that a girl at my school was kicked out of our school musical because she was caught drinking alchohol on school property. (She is underage aswell). But I have no hard proof that this is true.
This girl is also in my community theater show, and I was debating on sending my director an anonymous note to check in with my school's drama director to see if this is true. Because if it is, I dont feel comfortable with her being in this show. Will I be the asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 31
} | WRONG |
3OBMKjnO9pcqEPXYinbiVhlDbSeWureU | aye9ta | {
"description": "telling my mom to stop bringing her friend over to have sex with him and have sex with him again in the morning",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I tell my mom to stop bringing her friend over to have sex with him and have sex with him again in the morning? | My bedroom door always is open because I have the cats litter box in my room, and my mom's room is exactly next to mine. When she goes out to keroke with her friends, I force myself to fall asleep early because I know she's bringing over her friend to fuck. If I don't fall asleep fast enough, I'm lucky to have headphones. I'm just tired of waking up, walking out into the living room (she sleeps in the living room because we live in a two bedroom apartment and me and my brother have the two bedrooms) and seeing him in my mom's bed next to her and then five minutes after I get back in my room and hear her start moaning, and she's not quiet about it. My 11 year old brother is up too and I know he can hear it as well because he can't shut his door because he hides things from my mom. I can't wait until I get the fuck out of here but I still have to wait another one to two years. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
uyCwspwggBEAVSttBnN7EJq8BggF2OGq | aqu3iw | null | AITA as a musician to ask the booker for the money for my CD and not splitting it? | Hi,
Long time lurker.. Certainly less dramatic than most posts on here, so whoever is looking for drama, please skip this ;)
So, I'm a small stage musician in Berlin and last night I had a gig that didn't go too well, audience and hat money wise.
I did sell one CD (5€) though.
So when I asked the "booker" (in quotation marks because she was very disorganised and nothing worked properly) if I had sold any CDs she said yes, but that the people who bought it had put 6€ into the donation box and we can just split it - there were 2 more artists and the deal was 80% for the artists and 20% for the booking agency. I said no, I charge 5 for the CD so I want them. She seemed kinda bummed about it and gave me the 5, although the buyer had put 6 in for the CD.
​
Am I the asshole for not wanting to split the money I made for the CD I paid for to record and produce and press?
I wouldn't think so but I guess everyone posting here initially thinks they're NTA but a slight twinge makes them doubt it :P
Cheers guys! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AVQn5OMFPvnqgJUSnjMMmcz8eaqnSZj4 | avfv0s | {
"description": "saying I'd do one thing with my friend but do another with someone I'm talking to, then proceeds to f**k my chances with said person",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA if I said I’d do one thing with my friend but do another with someone I’m talking to, then proceeds to f**k my chances with said person. | Hi guys, this is a semi-throwaway account because the girl in this post has my reddit account.
Also, this is a “petty” teen thing, but I still need advice. (Also in English “High School”)
So it was in Spanish, second period and coming up to break, and my friend (M) asks if would go up with him to speak to a teacher, bearing in mind he was already going with someone else. I said sure, but the person I’m talking to (or at least think I am) asked if I’d go and get food with her. So I said yeah, and went with her.
Now, at lunch, he starts going round and telling everybody that I like this girl, including her closest friends, and some people that I definitely didn’t want knowing, because they’d wobble their gob as well.
So I confronted him about it, but he’s calling me the A because I “should’ve stuck with my word and gone with him”. So now he’s most likely fucked my chances with her, because idk if she thinks she’s talking to me in a romantic way or a friendly way.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
aoQDsmaRLCqJuf2PkkO8t1rZSpoKQKoN | arr3fu | {
"description": "dating someone else when my friend says he's in love with me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for dating someone else when my friend says he's in love with me? | Sorry if this is long, but it's weighing in my mind a lot. The last paragraph is the main point, but the paragraphs before are some background information that lead up to these events.
I have this friend, who was at one point my best friend. Let's call him Larry. I met him when I was with my ex boyfriend (which he knew about) and we grew close over a span of two years. Larry assured me he didn't like me when my boyfriend (Let's call him Duke) at the time would joke about having to watch out for him, and I trusted him. Eventually Duke and I broke up for uni, and weeks go by and Larry tells me that he has actually really liked me for a long time. This was a shock to me and I felt betrayed because I defended him in arguments with Duke saying that he did not like me, Larry knowing this. Now, Larry struggles with his mental health, and would easily spiral into a depression if he felt rejected, so I didn't know how to outright reject him. I told him that I wasn't ready to date anyone new and wanted to enjoy being single because I hadn't been for 3 years. This seemed to do, but he immediately started getting very jealous of my best friend from primary school (who is a male and we shall call him Rango) and would make me feel guilty because of the idea I would prefer my best friend from primary school over him- even though I never outright said it.
A few days later, my mum kicked me out of the house, so not having anywhere else to stay, I stayed at Rango's house for 3 days. During this time I told him about my Larry and that I didn't want to stay at his (he was offering) because I didn't want that awkward situation. So Rango messaged him asking him to not try anything if I were to stay at his, because he wanted me to go to a friend's house who would take care of me instead of someone who had ulterior motives. This upset Larry, who then said I couldn't stay at his anymore and didn't speak to me for a while other than to complain.
Weeks go by and Larry tells me he no longer just likes me, and loves me instead. I figured I couldn't let this go on anymore and told him that I was sorry but I didn't and couldn't see him the same way. He seemed to accept this, but days later he left me a goodbye message, alluding to suicide and lost contact for over 8 hours. I was freaking out, calling everyone we knew to see if they had spoken since. No one had. Eventually he comes back online and confirms he was going to kill himself but ended up not being able to. I ask why he wanted to do it, and he said it was because he couldn't handle the fact that I did not love him back, and that he was in love with me. I broke down and felt awful for weeks. After talking to some friends, they assured me it wasn't my fault and that he would just have to learn to accept my decision.
After months of him switching from being really affectionate towards me, and then to saying that we're not even close friends and that I'm a nobody- saying he loved me, and then he was over me, and loved me again - I learned to not care about what he said or his feelings. I've been speaking to a guy for a few months now (Lets call him Bono), and we've gone on quite a few dates - we've really hit it off. I didn't tell Larry about this (or many of my other friends, although a few of them have met him) because I knew he wouldn't react well and I just wanted to enjoy what I had. Obviously, Bono and I spent Valentine's Day together, and Larry joked about it being weird to hang with a male friend on vday, so I thought it was okay to tell him. I figured it would be best if I told him now instead of lying and having to reveal later that I was dating Bono. I was wrong. He immediately flipped to depressed and then accused me of lying to him and withholding information (I didn't lie but I didn't tell him about Bono because I thought he would act like this). Larry then posted on his snapchat story that he felt good until he had a "depressing revelation" and kept posting about how much he was drinking. This ended up really upsetting me because I felt really guilty. The next day he was guilt tripping me saying things like "guy you're seeing > me" and asking me uncomfortable questions like "what is it about him that you like that I don't have? How is he better than me? If it weren't for him would we be a thing?" and other stuff. Eventually all he said was that his heart really hurt thinking about how I'm with someone and that he feels pathetic etc. I get annoyed at this, but leave it anyway. Yesterday Larry sent me pictures of myself and told me he was deleting them because it hurt to look at them and made him really sad. He then sent a long paragraph saying how it hurt his heart whenever he saw me, how he can't bare it any longer, and that things between us kept changing. I reached my limit and sent paragraphs back saying how frustrated I was at the situation and that I can't keep placing him above my happiness, telling him he was overreacting and how much he upset me, saying that even Duke, who was my boyfriend for over 2 years, wouldn't have reacted this badly. It felt good saying what I needed to (something I've never been able to do with him before) and I feel like I can no longer be friends with Larry because it's gotten to the point where its dragging me down too much, and I hate feeling powerless with my own life. AITA for seeing someone, months after I rejected my friend after he confessed he was in love with me?
TL;DR: My friend tells me he's in love with me after I rejected him and said the fact I didn't love him back almost turned him to suicide. Months later I start dating someone and he flips out, guilt tripping me for a few days until I have enough and clap back with my thoughts on how he is being an ass. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FhAeKaNAxLmSenOO2j9xl60PVAHv2GcY | amyxlx | {
"description": "evicting my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for evicting my girlfriend | A little back story. Sorry, you're only going to get my half of the story but I'll try to give her a fair shake.
A few years ago she moved in with me and the agreement was that she would pay 200/month rent. She was in school and working a high number of hours for having a part-time job. So, to alleviate her burdens I offered to stop charging rent so she could work less and have more time for school and me. Well, she stopped paying and I was ok with that because it was my plan. Then when she was in between school quarters she took vacations that I couldn't go on because my job had become demanding of my time and that irritated me a lot because even though I couldn't go she went anyways. Well, after she finished school she had saved enough to pay off her car. Which I was proud of her for doing it's a good thing to do even if it was at my expense a little I didn't mind but I didn't like that she had taken vacations without me. Then she went to Japan for a month and was doing woofing and staying with a friend there to save money blah blah but again I couldn't go with her because I didn't have that kind of money. While her trip wasn't that expensive I still look at it as a betrayal because she could only afford to do these things because I was absorbing all the cost of living for us both. Well, she finally gets her dream job because school is done and I'm still doing skilled labor and she goes traveling for work. I ended up buying a house after she left because I found a place that was cheaper than the apartment we had been living in (it was a dump apartment too this house is way better). Then one day I go visit her and lay down the law now: when you're home rent is half my mortgage but when you're gone you can pay 200 bucks a month to maintain the address for tax purposes and to help me out a little bit financially and to improve our home. I thought this was fair. Anyways time goes by everything is working well enough she goes on a big vacation to the UK and I can't go because I can't afford it. Then she comes back home for a while and didn't do so great on having steady work so she accumulated some credit card debts and then she got another travel job. I prorated her final month of living-at-home rent to help her out and away she goes. Then the following month, this month, there's no rent money in my account. I text her and it starts this big fight about how I'm this that and the other and I accuse her of being disrespectful and dismissive of me and she says she doesn't have any money because she used it all on her credit card and at this point I'm done with it she had breached my trust by thinking she could just ignore the rent and not even think to talk to me about it. So I told her I'd hold onto her things until she comes to get them unless she wants me to mail them to her and that was that she doesn't live with me anymore.
Her final defense was that she thought I would be understanding and let her get caught up on everything before I started charging rent again. But, she never talked to me about that and to me that was just her trying to make me feel like a rotten person for standing up for myself. She also brought up how it was "only 3 days into the month" but.. I pay my bills on time because if I don't there's consequences to that choice and since she told me she spent all her money on the credit card I think she chose to not pay me. Which if she had just talked to me about it I like to think I would've been understanding but right now I don't know if I would've been. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CL5LPwL93QV1TGe7Dh7lj3ZbwAvYOfqc | ajs5zt | {
"description": "not wanting to go to my girlfriends birthday dinner with her family after she insulted me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not wanting to go to my girlfriends birthday dinner with her family after she insulted me. | Bit of background. Going out 3 years and for her 30th birthday coming up i bought her a round trip ticket to Japan with me for a holiday (far). We go to her hometown in for her 30th weekend she was in a bad mood and told me that she thinks it’s a crap present and wanted something else. She has since apologised. And I forgive her everyone makes mistakes. it’s the family dinner tonight and the big party tomorrow. I don’t feel like I can go to the family dinner tonight and be close quarters with everyone and pretend to be happy. Am I the asshole for not wanting to go tonight | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
pWvhjkeurBVt15G1wH2h729ExsKqVGSX | b2q83d | {
"description": "refusing to get rid of my cat when my bfs daughter is allergic",
"pronormative_score": 71,
"contranormative_score": 38
} | AITA for refusing to get rid of my cat when my bfs daughter is allergic? | My boyfriend and me want to move in together. He has a 7 year old daughter who is allergic to cats. Not deathly allergic just sneezes and gets hives sometimes. He has her every other week so she’d be living with us then. He’s asked me to get rid of my cat, I said absolutely not. I’ve said she can take anti allergy tablets and not pet the cat. He thinks I’m being unreasonable and said what happens if she still has problems?
AITA for refusing to get rid of my cat? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 33,
"OTHER": 49,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 22,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 71,
"WRONG": 38
} | RIGHT |
Wa6yutdK3KFhNXaIJy4SS7E46huuPds2 | aqs14o | {
"description": "calling my hair \"jew hair\" when I am ethnically jewish",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling my hair "jew hair" when I am ethnically Jewish? | I was talking to some people at work about hair and I mentioned that I have jew hair, a little bit curly a lot unruly. They all stopped and looked at me like I was a crazy person. I am so use to using the phrase it didn't occur that anyone could ever find it offensive but they kept telling me that the phrase I used was "wrong" and, "why didn't I just describe it as such" they also explained the term "jew fro" the one I frequently use to describe my brother's hair when he misses a haircut was equally offensive. I assume it's a well known fact that a lot of Jewish people have curly, unruly hair. It made no sense to me how describe my hair by my ethnicity could be offensive, so I just kept being like, "well, how is it bad?"
​
I know it's not as defined of a category but at least among the communities I have lived in, in the past, it was great way to describe what is happening on top of my head. I have, in the past year left a larger jewish/black community and now live in a mostly Asian/Hispanic neighborhood where I think they are less familiar with those terms, so I can see why they might be confused but I don't understand the shocked look of horror on everyone's faces like I just declared world war 3. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
uBsK6mgQMEGQh8mGW52vEfv4rCBsm9jL | a0y184 | {
"description": "asking my friend not to be on his phone when I host",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for asking my friend not to be on his phone when I host? | I like to host friends at my house, I've got a lot of games and I enjoy coming up with things for our friend group to do. It's always awesome when everyone can come over to play games.
Usually when everyone comes over, they're all engaged and have fun, but one of my friends always seems to be on his phone. Now technically everyone is since we play Jackbox games a lot, but by "on his phone" I mean like social media and distracted by other things. He was posting random selfies of himself on Snapchat while we were playing. When we play games that don't require phones, he's still on his phone. Even sometimes when we all have dinner if it's late, he's on his phone while we're all chatting.
Now, I don't really mind it when someone else is hosting, but if I'm hosting and he's on his phone, it hurts a little because it comes across like he's bored, and I feel that's a failure on my part as the person trying to make sure everyone is having fun. I'm pretty close to him to, which makes it hurt just a little bit more.
I know he does have fun, as he's told me, and I genuinely don't think he realizes how it comes across, and it So, WIBTA if I asked him to try and not be on his phone when he's at get togethers at my house? This is my main question.
I'd also appreciate a suggestion on how to go about asking him that if you think I should, I struggle with tactfulness sometimes. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
yrr834vNo2fDcboMOTSLywbUxN5ogBHZ | azmssc | {
"description": "finding \"punishments\" humorous",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for finding “punishments” humorous | So I’m on a throw I’m on the younger side (14) and I can see both reasons but I’m mainly on NTA but I won’t be surprised if YTA
So I’m good I have good intentions but as teachers and parents say “I am a bad kid”. like I mean in the principals office every year like once a month maybe more, but I went to the movies yesterday with my family and on the way out I was screwing around with my brother. And we got in to a disagreement and started arguing but my mom got P.O. and I mean P.O. We were both punished so to teach us how to behave at the movies she made us sit in silence for 10 min. No Biggie. But you see since I get in shit a lot I find humor in the punishments I’m delt but my mom does not like that so I get a longer punishment.
But here’s my question I thought kids were the ones to find the silver lining and to keep our heads up and find the good in the bad and etc. But I’m now being told that I’m not supposed to and I’ve got to be sad and P.O.! I just don’t think that’s fair and i know life’s not fair but still it’s Bull Shit
So all mighty Reddit Am I The Asshole | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
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} | WRONG |
Nemo2B9Y4JN3ExfQWj9H82M0zqa7Z9OH | axmk7q | {
"description": "expecting my stay-at-home husband to have our house be immaculate when I get home",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for expecting my stay-at-home husband to have our house be immaculate when I get home? | I am the full-time breadwinner and my husband was laid off. He occasionally sells stuff online now to have extra spending cash. We do not have children and he is a part-time student. The deal is that I cook and work, he cleans.
My expectations are as follows:
Daily chores: Dishes done, kitchen counters wiped down.
Weekly chores: Both of our laundry done and put away, carpets vacuumed.
Bi-weekly chores: Floors mopped, tubs cleaned, house dusted.
He has shirked his responsibilities lately and is starting to do more social things or work on hobbies. I do not mind him being social, but I mind that my quality of life is being brushed off in favor of it.
Am I being unreasonable? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 10
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 15
} | RIGHT |
jCbrwhZPgpODWzAHTyEyLVHg4Kz69qE6 | are979 | {
"description": "asking my friend to leave his wife out of some stuff",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for asking my friend to leave his wife out of some stuff? | Usual situation applies - I don't think I'm being an asshole here, but someone else does so I'm turning to the internet for a verdict.
I have been friends with Simon for a decade. We went to university together and are part of a group who meet once or twice a year for a weekend somewhere and we often congregate for weddings/life events and whatnot.
Simon got married last year. His wife is lovely and we get on well. However, since they were engaged, Simon gets his wife involved in everything. She comes to every group event, every weekend away. No one else brings their significant others.
Recently I was going through a tough time with my family, at work, and had a friend diagnosed with terminal cancer. I called Simon for advice and support (he is a doctor) and halfway through the call his wife chimed in with her own advice. Simon had put me on speakerphone and I had no idea. I barely know her and she stated asking me questions about my friend's diagnosis and treatment. I felt uncomfortable knowing she had been listening to me at one of my lowest ever points. Everytime I've called him since, Simon has put me on speakerphone.
Recently we've been trying to organise another event. No one has invited their partners, but Simon has already said his wife is coming. I'd really like for us to have one event this year without partners, but I know this would upset Simon. I also want to ask him not to put me on speakerphone when discussing personal stuff.
My friend thinks I am a dick for suggesting this, that she's his wife and he has every right to include her the way he wants to do in his life. She also thinks that because I am a woman that it is unrealistic of me to expect my friendship with Simon to stay the same now he is married and that I should be welcoming his wife into phonecalls and all events with open arms.
So WIBTA for suggesting one meetup per year without partners and to not put me on speakerphone, knowing it would probably upset him?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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} | RIGHT |
NEzFtmQUKY6SXpikZkjR1MsZpkk6q651 | a02gei | {
"description": "sleeping through THANKSGIVING dinner also ordering a pizza after thanksgiving dinner",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For sleeping through THANKSGIVING dinner also ordering a pizza after thanksgiving dinner | me and my mothers side of the family all come over to have THANKSGIVING dinner together but last year there was a huge fight between my mom and her mom, there was big drama ever since then so this year I just slept through THANKSGIVING dinner which I was surprised nobody attempted to wake me up . Anyways back to the point should have I attended THANKSGIVING dinner and brought up the problem or do you think it was fine for me to just sleep through and order pizza after everyone left??? Am I the ASSHOLE? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
LNSgkcM7AR7H4dOBjMQ5Vq4fzCN5QumA | af9tr1 | {
"description": "expecting my gf to cook supper",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for expecting my gf to cook supper? | I work between 13-15 hours a day. She is unemployed. We have no children. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vEJldaxdqe7lJY1lexEtCaMtCIAl1WJr | 9wwccl | {
"description": "getting super offended at my friend for looking at my medical records",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting super offended at my friend for looking at my Medical records? | So this happened a while back but I had a friend who worked for a small local pharmacy at the time, they worked at a small local pharmacy that I happen to use. Before she moved, she had noticed a file that apparently had my name on it. Without knowing it was me, or acting in an official capacity, she told me about it in a normal conversation over the phone.
I proceeded to get very, VERY upset at this, and was telling her how much of a violation of HIPPA that to even mention to me outside of her work environment that she had seen ANYONE's records let alone my own was a major violation. She got upset that I was angry over something that I think is a major breach in trust and a violation of her ethical code when handling medical documents. Also, she is not a fully licensed pharmacy technician either but more akin to a receptionist.
I tried to tell her multiple times that, regardless of her intentions, that sort of thing is suuuper illegal but she just got mad that I wouldnt "accept help" or "thought it was interesting" and we ended the conversation on a fairly bad note.
I'm still kinda upset about it to this day, and I've been wondering lately, should I have been or was I the asshole and making way too big a deal out of this issue or making an issue where she thinks there wasn't one? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OksCfixLZkkrPcovuhniwxrog9HEPJmd | b2b9dr | {
"description": "moving in with my cousin instead of my mother and step-father",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for moving in with my cousin instead of my mother and step-father? | Forgive me for I am on mobile so please excuse the grammar mistakes that may happen or random auto corrects.
For Context: My mother and real father have lost custody of my little brother and I when I was 5 and he was 3, my grandparents gained custody of us and I have been living with them since. My mother divorced my real father and I have no idea where he is. When I turned 9, my mother married my step-father. For years I had been wanting to move in with them, but up until about two years ago, my mother had threaten me with something I did as an ignorant child which changed my entire outlook on her.
Recently my cousin (who lives up the road from my grandparents house) went into a shock of sorts (she has diabetes and lives alone since her parents died). I had decided that I should go live with her. I am 18 and can move out of my grandparent's house if I so choose.
I figured it would be a good idea considering what has happened. I should also mention that unless my Uncle had wanted to show his brother this monitor they had at their house, they were away to see my other cousin give birth to their first grandchild, my cousin could have died from the said shock as she was there to feed their dogs. It would also help with my situation regarding my baby brother. (He's an A grade dick and asshole, won't go into detail, but I just dislike living with him) I can also stay near my grandparents as my grandfather had recently went to the hospital due to a near stroke incident and I do not want to be too far away from them.
Though I started thinking about how my mother and step-father have been pushing me to live with them ever since I turned 18 and am soon going to college. As of late, I have either said I'm good or just flat out ignored whatever they were saying in regards to living with them.
I'm mostly thinking of myself here as my step-father REALLY creeps me out. He always wants to see me when him and my mother would come and visit. He would constantly text me just to get me out of my room. Hell there were times where he would message me on FB at 2 in the morning! He happens to drink and considering I look like my mother, I am afraid something would happen.
Would I be the asshole if I went to live with my cousin instead of them? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
OFTITFirFnZhRK5AQPTLynm0Xg4nBbvA | abxtr3 | {
"description": "not paying my share for the hotel myself, my best friend and his girlfriend stayed in",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not paying my share for the hotel myself, my best friend and his girlfriend stayed in? | So it was a destination wedding, his brothers in fact, and we’re both a part of the wedding. He was stressing a bit about the hotel (the place him and his girlfriend booked ended up being around 400$ for the weekend) and I had my place booked as well. My family has a time share type of thing, they have points that have been saved up and needed to be used so she booked the place with points as a gift for me. It would end up being 25$ a night for “fees/parking/Etc.”(they have to get some money somehow right). So 75$ for the 3 nights of course I was happy.
Now our families are close so my mom asked what my friend was doing and just suggested that we book the room for two beds and just save some money for all of us by staying together. Have them pay the fees and they get the hotel for 75$ instead of 400$+ and I would get the weekend for free basically. I agreed and it sounded like a good plan. Everyone agreed.
Now let me preface this by saying I was pretty broke at the time so this was all working out pretty great. But the closer the weekend got he started asking if we split the price of the hotel, drive (about a 5 hour drive) basically the cost of the trip split between us. So for a while I was under the impression that my family booking the hotel (a really nice hotel) and in turn saving them 300$+ was my way of paying for my part of the trip. Because before this I was just going to have the room for myself for 75$ and they were paying a lot more. We got into an argument about it a bit but the situation was dropped and we all had a pretty great weekend. I ended up giving him 25$ for gas but that was about it(25$ from each of us pretty much covered the gas for the trip).
AITA for saying no I’m not paying for the hotel?
PS This happened over a year ago and we’re still best friends and will probably always be, I only recently discovered this subreddit and I truly felt like I might be an asshole in this situation. | HISTORICAL | {
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1XSCg9DKKvIlRy0L0o7yHD2TGSzcK5DP | a5sd5q | {
"description": "wanting a dog, knowing I might have to ttansport him as air cargo during his lifetime",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting a dog, knowing I might have to ttansport him as air cargo during his lifetime? | I'm in my mid 20s, a student at university and married to a non-student (aka my husband has good income, money is not the issue when it comes to getting a dog).
We are an international couple. Our families live approx. 5000 miles/8000km away from each other. For now we live in my home country for at least the next 3 years. We don't intend to stay here though and I could imagine very well to spend a few years in his home country or maybe a country we both never lived in before. We both love to travel and are not bound to a country in our minds.
I have the urge to get a dog since I moved out of my parents home (9 years ago). I grew up with dogs and I know about the work involved, but also about the love I can share with them. I look through shelter websites regularly but I never dare to actually make a move. I'm scared of being irresponsible, for I know that a dog in my care possibly has to endure getting shipped by air cargo. Possibly multiple times during their lifetime.
AITA for still wanting a dog? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
MaSfgPl6N7UBd9G9supGDPRJP7p6LZMu | abpj6q | {
"description": "threatening to call the police on my brother in law",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for threatening to call the police on my brother in law? | A few weeks ago my MIL called my husband to warn him that his brother was upset and may come over to our home. They’ve been arguing off and on for a few months. Nothing was done to provoke this episode, we had just returned from being out of town with 0 contact for at least a week. Fast forward an hour or so and brother in law calls and says he’s going to come over and “kick his ass”. We have a 9 month old baby at home who was being put down to sleep. I told my husband I would call the police if he shows up at our residence.
Nothing further transpired (thankfully) but I’ve been told my in laws are mad at me for threatening to call the police on their son. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8PCre8BlfQcFGjCRvn9TBma4OIJmdzom | ayw9m2 | {
"description": "not giving money back on a purchase",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not giving money back on a purchase? | Hey all, I recently sold a thing on craigslist and the person I sold it to is reporting an issue with it that I had no idea about.
During the sale I demoed it to him as well as made sure he was alright with it. He paid and he went on his way, and there didnt seem to be an issue.
There is a manufacturer warranty for it as far as I know. And like I said, I had legitimately no idea that anything was wrong with it. I'd like to keep the object in question unknown to remain anonymous.
Thanks guys | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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T7En1luQ9s87aE3N5IKy3ZBNfpBGXbu1 | ang553 | null | AITA my roomate wakes me up and is mad when i accidently wake her up. | Ok so I have to share a dorm with this girl who comes into the dorm at 1am 2 am and finnaly goes to bed at 3am. I try to go to bed at 10pm every week day because I have morning classes at 10am MWTF and 8:30 am on tuesday. I also have work to work from 6pm - 12:15 am on tuesday, 5pm-9pm on wensday, and 5pm-10pm on saterday. I typically have tests every thursday too. So im ok with her waking me up before 12 am, but i hate when she wakes me up later. She also wakes up at 12 pm. I know she does not work most week days, but she never is quiet when she walks in the dorm after 12 am. I hear her through earplugs. She also is pretty loud in the hallway when she opens the dorm room door. Am i an asshole for trying to do my homework on a laptop while she is sleeping at 11 am? Because she has bitched about me trying to get my homework done in an hour break I have between my two of my classes. I have told her I have tests on thursdays and she says she is being quiet enough. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2Qfigf2b4nyZbtEnrSUIV9CGptoLnivE | ap0ree | {
"description": "ordering a lyft when I'm 4 blocks away from the destination",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ordering a lyft when i’m 4 blocks away from the destination. | I mean it’s cold af, i’ve had a couple of drinks, and there’s been some shootings around this area... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nxYGZdjXYFNyzaFkXFeh3n4yvKq1arTg | ay4hyu | {
"description": "making my stepmom pay for repairs",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for making my stepmom pay for repairs | I(20M) live with my dad (61) and stepmom (40). My dad doesn't have a steady income and gets paid per job. My stepmom meanwhile is on disability and therefore gets a fixed income from social security. I am a student working part time, and I plan to pay off a truck I am buying from a friend. I started making payments in December, and told him I would finish in March.
Last night my stepmom asked me if she could borrow my car because my dad would working late. I (reluctantly) said yes after she said she would be gone for just over an hour. She was gone until close to 11:30. She left around 7.
An hour after she got home, she came back into my room, and asked me if she could borrow $40 because her friend was at the casino and she wanted to go. I said sure, but all I have is a hundred dollar bill, and to just bring me the $60 in change back because it's the last of my money until I get paid and give me the other $40 when she had it. She hadn't asked me to borrow my car, I assumed my dad had come home sooner than expected and she was taking his van. Later I find out she took my car. I let it go because she has always been good about asking to borrow it and I let her borrow it earlier.
This morning, I get up and find out that she didn't come last night and slept at her friends house with my car because she didn't want to get pulled over (I have a headlight out). So my dad takes me to get my car, turns out now it has a flat tire. Not only that, but I also learned she disregarded what I said about the $60 and spent the entire $100. I was pissed about the money, but I didn't have class today so I wasn't super upset about the tire.. I just bought the tire a year and a half ago and I knew the warranty was still good, so I took it to the shop I got it from, told him what happened, and he said he would take care of it. I thought everything was done.
Then he called me saying she must've hit a pothole last night because she dented the rim and broke the seal on the tire, and that the warranty isn't going to cover it. He said he could fix it and give me a break on the tire but, best case scenario, I'm looking at minimum $200. I then told my dad all of this and he said I should just not fix it since I'm going to be getting rid of the car in two weeks and it would be a waste of my money. But I'm not just getting rid of it I'm giving it to my mother since she needs a vehicle.
So, a long story, and probably more than I needed share, but my question is: Would I be the asshole for asking my stepmom to pay for the repairs since she caused them? If I dish out $200 to fix this thing, then I won't be able to keep my word and give my friend my truck payment for this month. At the same time, I refuse to screw my mom over in this situation and make it her problem. I also know 100% that my father is going to argue that my stepmom shouldn't have to pay for the repairs because I can't be absolutely certain that she is the one who dented my rim, and it wasn't me. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
okb1BobSfkhAmVzDQVtnzZmIBqTUqvOC | apd0q0 | {
"description": "being upset at my best friend of seven years",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset at my best friend of seven years? | This is my first post, I’m on mobile, sorry if the formatting is bad. I’m a college student about to turn nineteen, and my best friend is also a college student — however, he goes to a different university that’s literally five hours away. We dated when we were 14-15, and then decided we would be better off as friends. He’s honestly my best friend, and even when we were dating, it was just like us being friends.
Anyways, I was texting him recently to catch up, and he told me he had a girlfriend. I was genuinely excited for him, asked him to tell me about her, etc. Then, I volunteered to not visit him, because like, from an outsider perspective, that would seem weird, and I wanted to respect that boundary, you know what I mean? But then my best friend told me that we couldn’t even spend time together when we’re both in our hometown, because that would make his girlfriend uncomfortable. I said “ok” and that was it, we haven’t talked since, even though I have since reached out to ask how he’s doing.
AITA for being upset he’s willing to not be my friend anymore? Like, on one hand I understand because I am also his ex girlfriend — but also, we dated four/five years ago, before I could even drive, and I don’t even know his girlfriend, and she doesn’t know me. Like I know there’s nothing I can do about this situation, but am AITA for being upset? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
4GUCvOKUCpF6QOjjTQs4hIQ2b7HH3Vhi | ajbe1s | {
"description": "not telling my friend the girl he liked didn't like him back",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not telling my friend the girl he liked didn't like him back? | So, my friend (let's call him Bob) was obsessing over this girl Alice for like ages. In high school, they'd hang out all the time and he'd like randomly walk to her house to hang out with her. The thing is he's really bad at starting any type of relationship so he kind of gets stuck in the weird limbo where it seems like they're dating but it's unclear.
My other friend (let's call him Eve. He's a guy but I like cryptographic names lol) and I both mutually agreed that we should try to convince him to talk to her about it and maybe ask her out in some way. During one of our hangouts, we sat in my Boi Eves car and we spent about thirty minutes convincing Bob this would be good for him so he could get some closure and if she wasn't into him, he could just move on with his life.
The issue is that I hang out with Bob a lot so I was also fairly close with Alice too.
So, Eve starts driving me and Bob to meet up with Alice (Eve and I were just going to stay in the car and we would just drop Bob off). Bob for some reason starts calling Alice and they're talking about how they need to meet up and talk. But, while they were talking on the phone, Alice texts me telling me that she didn't like Bob in that way and that she just wants to be friends.
We were about forty seconds away from the meet up point at this moment in time, and in my head, I just decided not to tell Bob this information and instead told Alice to go meet up with him and tell him yourself. That as a guy, you get a better sense of closure if you get that sort of information from the girl herself.
And I honestly believe that. I think that there's value in hearing from the girl herself. Plus, I think every guy will benefit from putting himself out there and taking a chance with a girl.
However, I told Eve what happened immediately after Bob left to talk to Alice and he immediately disapproved. Then, within a couple of days my whole friend group found out what I had done and almost all the guys who heard it thought that i was in the wrong.
The issues that they had with my decision was that my decision was in a way choosing for Bob. If I had told Bob, then he could've still gone out and tried asking her out and he would've still gotten the benefit of putting himself out there. But because I took action I take away this decision.
Furthermore, they argued that as a friend, I have a duty to stop my friend from embarrassing himself if I can.
The problem I have with these arguments is that Bob making a decision after he knows that Alice doesn't like him is not nearly the same thing as making the decision without the information. And his decision to ask her out without the information is more important than his decision with the information because Bob wouldn't ask her out if he had it.
In some sense, by telling him, I'm forcing him into a position in which he wouldn't ask her out and by not telling him, I'm forcing him into a position in which he would ask her out. So either way, I'm still forcing a decision, so it's not unreasonable for me to pick the choice I think he would appreciate the most.
As for their second point, in my head, the value of hearing from the girl herself outweighed the negative repurcussions of asking her out. And that's not an unreasonable thing to assume especially given forty seconds to make my decision.
Interestingly all the girls I've asked agreed with me and all the guys I've asked say I fucked up.
So what do you think? Am I the asshole?
Also, I just realized that the only cryptographic name that would work for me is Mallory as I literally dropped a message from Alice to Bob. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
FKiBTZqmC2dVufhANSPiX1Af2EHiJ0b8 | b8xzhu | {
"description": "not wanting to split my credit card points with my partner",
"pronormative_score": 64,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for not wanting to split my credit card points with my partner? | I (29F) and my boyfriend (32M) have been together for almost three years. When we met, I had a travel credit card that I did a lot of research for and get pretty good rewards. I try to put everything I can on this card and I always pay it off at the end of the month. I'm careful about keeping track of spending and I have never paid any interest on it and it was the only credit card I used regularly.
I tried to get my boyfriend to get a rewards credit card, but he is not interested. He's not the greatest about paying things off on-time/in-full and is ok with paying interest occasionally (which defeats the purpose of a rewards card). No judgement here, it's just not for him.
As a result, I usually pay for everything, to get as many points as possible, and then I send him Venmo (payment app) requests every few weeks. We usually split everything 50/50.
Recently, there was a great promotion for an airline credit card for an airline that I use a lot. And it came at a perfect time because we were planning a big move and would easily meet the spending requirements for the rewards - 40,000 airline points and a companion pass where he can fly with me for free each time I fly! - I travel a bit more than him for work. So I opened the card and paid for everything just like I usually would. We met the spending requirement pretty easily and got the companion pass (he is, of course, my companion for the year). Well yesterday he said that he should get half of the airline points too. I'm a little torn about this one. I feel like this is my reward for staying on top of everything with my card (paying for everything upfront, keeping track of spending, keeping track of and requesting money from my boyfriend, etc.). I asked if he thought he should get half of my cash back on the original card that I have, and he said yes.
He says things like "it's free money!" But I don't feel the same. I work for those rewards and am very diligent about spending and paying things off. It's also a pain sometimes to request the money from him and remind him when he isn't on top of sending the money over to me. If he were to get a credit card with points, I would be happy to split purchases with him so he could get rewards too, but it isn't worth the hassle to him.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to share? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 60,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 64,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
Xb68oyqNXseTYRzH0d9ZZ5P2sVtxtBD4 | ar2p4c | {
"description": "asking a woman not to play music out of her phone at work",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking a woman not to play music out of her phone at work? | I work in a large office where we are constantly talking on the phone to clients and attorneys and allegedly focusing on important tasks. A new woman started recently and she likes to keep her phone in her pocket playing adult soft rock radio at a low level. It’s just loud enough to make out what sound it is and I doubt anyone on the other end of the phone could hear it, but it’s really distracting. No one else seems to mind though. I mentioned it to her before that there was music coming from her phone because I thought it was an accident but she just laughed it off. I now realize it’s not an accident and she does it all the time. Am I being a party pooper or is it weird for her to be playing music in the workplace? I just don’t see any need for it at all. We don’t have radios or any sound in the office normally other than ourselves talking on the phone for business. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
p1edR5edyTUZnyLyrTF2xKcsFbwRLz8h | b548hp | null | AITA? | Met someone who I gelled with the other week. It was all going fine until she told me she wasn’t mentally ready for a relationship yet, and asked me if I was fine with being friends. I was fine with this as she was good company and we clicked. This was fine and we met up on Tuesday. We kept speaking throughout the week until tonight. She then went on too say in her ending message before she blocked me that I was being, ‘too clingy’, despite her giving the same behaviour back to me, that I ‘demanded attention from her’, (if I was, why didn’t she tell me this?) and that she couldn’t trust me to keep it platonic, despite the fact that she was doing and giving exactly the same behaviour back to me.
I don’t know whether she was burned from a previous relationship that ended badly which she told me about, or whether it’s me at fault here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BpUBWLUwrdvl5iRA4UMYNUl1YN2LpAuh | b4fh87 | {
"description": "making a boxing trainee angry by correcting her moves but she thought I was grilling her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making a boxing trainee angry by correcting her moves but she thought I was grilling her? | I help out as a trainer in my father's boxing gym. Each trainer is assigned a number of trainees ranging from 3 to 5 in a training session. For this session, I had to take care of four women trainees. I would like to mention that these are all amateur trainees; most are to here for fitness, not to learn boxing.
From the beginning, two of the trainees were talking pretty much non-stop with each other. I did not have a problem with it; we also don't have the rule of 'no talking' during training. The only problem would be if another trainee complains to us about someone talking too much, in which case, I guess we'd have to take action. But such was not the case, there was no one who complained.
After the first hour of workout, I transitioned into heavy bag workout. In a bag work, as a trainer, I have to do two things - hold the bag and tell the moves to be executed by the trainee, and count the timing. Usually, each move is done for 10 counts.
During this period, one of the women who was talking was not doing the moves correctly. This is a common thing - for many trainees, the trainers don't force them to get every move right because we know that it is not the main concern. But sometimes, out of instinct, we would try to fix the posture or show how to do a move correctly. So, I tried to correct her - she was doing a hook wrong. It went well. (I would also like to say that she was still talking with her friend) And then, her turn comes again and I had her do some punches. I counted to 10, but as it sometimes happen, she missed her 10th count. So, I told her that she still has one count of moves left to do. This is something that happens often - both trainees and trainers can miss their counts.
However, she suddenly became angry at me, and said something along the lines of 'I come here to relax and talk with my friend. Stop grilling me, and I don't care about the techniques or doing them properly'.
I was shocked. As a non-confrontational person, I told her that I didn't have a problem with her talking to her friend and that I wasn't trying to grill her. At that point, we still had plenty of time left and there were others waiting so I didn't want to dwell on the matter. The rest of the session went awkwardly but by the end, she was back to normal and I pretended like everything was okay. I meant to talk to her by the end just to clarify myself but I didn't end up doing it.
This whole thing is still in my mind. I've seen that woman and her friend come to train before; they're generally nice people. Something just went wrong today and I guess ruined her time? I don't feel like I was being an asshole cos correcting moves and keeping count correctly was just part of my duty and I was doing my job. But beyond that duty is some gray area where I'm supposed to satisfy a customer where I guess I messed up? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yrUsM1koSwSBonXyLvppqHWI7YuEtT5N | 9ugwfn | {
"description": "wanting to leave my roommate to move home, after I've been helping her cover her bills and covering over 80% of rent",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to leave my roommate to move home, after I've been helping her cover her bills and covering over 80% of rent? | The title kinda says what's up, and it's gone on for several months now, of me dumping all my money into rent and her bills, and shes spending all of her financial aid on art supplies.
She does cover the electric bill, but I cover internet and utilities. We did start off as a relationship, after 1 1/2 years moved in to pursue college together, but broke up after she would ask to be with my friends when I wouldn't be there.
I also am the only one with a car, and I've driven her everywhere that's necessary, but me driving 2 hours every day because she got a job that's 30 mins out is ridiculous.
The week after we broke up, she started dating my best friend, but in a secret let's not tell him kind of way. Shes pursued all of my friends at this point, and it makes me hate myself for not drawing the line sooner.
She also got her kid back from her ex, and now they both are here, and they are both dependant on me. I'm only 19, shes 23 and I cant have all of this put on me, she also quit her job after I got fired, then berated me for bot having a job after she got an interview to be a waitress the next day. Which she didnt get.
I wish i wasnt in this situation to begin with, but its falling apart rn... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
U9zzmtod04k6dgteCfprl53A4N24PRVg | a084kw | {
"description": "using tinder with the intent of only chatting while still in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 39
} | AITA for using tinder with the intent of only chatting while still in a relationship | I'm (22M) and my gf (21F) are in a long distance relationship. She lives where i do but shes studying. Our relationship has gone down lately and after she last visited me i decided that we should break up. I didn't tell her this yet because shes very emotional so i wanted her to come home to family first. In my head we were broken up then but i hadn't given her the heads up. I know this is kinda bad but i don't know. So i started using tinder just to talk to other girls.
I have gotten alot of flack from my gf and her friends for all of this, saying that the tinder part was the worst part.
I have the diagnose dysthymia so i don't do that good with feelings.
Am i really the asshole here? I really feel like shit but at the same i don't care since i literally cannot feel anything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 39,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 39
} | WRONG |
CizFMOtujgymtuGbAkIUgLYIB29yXwmi | axe356 | null | AITA for not support my ex financially and not putting her name on my business. | I've just broken up with my partner. We have a young child together. Honestly, I can say that I did many things wrong in the relationship, made a few mistakes. Never cheated or assaulted her at all, just some fuckups that became clear to my with time. All in all the relationship ended last September, but only just realised now that I can't win her back. During this time I managed to win her back, move back in with her and my son, to then make a mistake and be thrown out again. So I own the place where we both work. It's soley in my name as it was my business. She has helped out, worked with me and my intention was always to make it our business by getting her name on the place too. Well, after all of this happening, she has walked out once on the business before and left me in the shit so to speak, had to employ someone else to take over her role within the company. I moved out, into my friends unoccupied house, then into my own flat. After realising that I can't do everything, I couldn't pay for myself, for my employee, for all her rent, food, bills and all my sons needs, I asked her to come back and work with me. During this time she was working a job that she earnt little to no money and couldn't cover basic needs.
​
She comes back to work with me, we manage to make the business stable. I let her take over the finances to which I don't think she did a good enough job of. Unfortunately, I can't get back with her, her decision was made a long time ago, and I had been living with a hope, that some day, maybe it could work. After not really knowing how to approach anything with her, still kinda thinking we could at least do things as a family, which I was wrong to presume. I had a really bad day where I couldn't even function properly, asked her if I could stay at hers and talk and go through some things, which we kind of did. She bascially turnt around at the end and said I can't do this anymore, that she doesnt feel like she can do this and that she doesn't want to be near me.
​
If I don't put her name on the business, she will likely leave her position, go back to not working enough and thengod knows what will happen. I care for this woman, she is the love of my life, she is the mother of my our son. She has no one here, no family, no friends. I was the only one and I am the only one who knows her truely. AITA for thinking that I shouldn't put her name on it, take my car back(which i've let her been using for 4 months), take my laptop back(which we had been sharing but it was more 80%/20% in her favour), have a relationship with my son and forget about her and let her get on with things? Maybe she will do it well, maybe she won't. I really don't know what to think | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sY3fMEqbRJKjPSm0Ol0oqT8b0yhJ2bey | anmfij | {
"description": "ignoring my friend after her comment about my dead uncle",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring my friend after her comment about my dead uncle? | Alright, the title looks like I’m innocent, and no.
The day when XXXTentacion died, there was a period of time when I thought it was fake news. It was very early in the day and some places were saying it was false and I just figured he got shot but he was okay.
He wasn’t, no disrespect.
He had been a meme within me and my friend after we listened to one of his songs a while back. From what she said about him to me, it looked like she didn’t care about him as well. Now, we also make jokes about dead/recently deceased people. Not classy, I know, but we don’t do it to be mean.
My uncle passed away from cancer early 2018. His death was a shock to the family as he’d only been in the hospital for about two weeks before he died and no one told us exactly what it was. My dad was extremely distraught, as that was his only brother. He takes out his emotions on me and my mom (nothing physical, just anger over small things and extreme judgment). So, for me and my mom, grieving for my uncle was only made worse by my dad’s mood swings, which I tried to take for my mom.
My depression had taken a toll again and overall life was very hard.
My friend knew this, as she was closest to me.
So, back to the day XXXTentacion died. During that period of time when I was pretty sure he was okay, my friend posted a Snapchat story that had a screenshot of this news article about him getting shot. I saw this while getting on my phone to avoid crying as my family and I were talking about my uncle. I slid up on my friend’s story saying: “yikes XXXTentadead.” It wasn’t even funny, but I thought she thought it was a meme.
She responded with: “That’s fucked up man, it’s like me making fun of your fucking dead uncle. Not funny.”
I was a bit taken aback, and just responded saying that it was my bad. But I didn’t see how an artist she didn’t know getting shot was like my uncle dying. It was much more personal for me and all that. She mocked my joke saying my uncle’s name with ‘dead’ mixed in somewhere. I just said okay and haven’t talked to her.
I realize I shouldn’t have said the joke, but I also thought she would be okay with it, as we’d made jokes about dead people and rappers before. I know it’s not good to do so, and so fully admit that I really shouldn’t have said anything.
I also don’t think she should have brought up my uncle knowing that my family still wasn’t okay.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qVl3k2vOLqlFVWPrLapRvp5Qan1KWskl | anry53 | {
"description": "refusing to attend my graduation ceremony",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to attend my graduation ceremony? | This backstory is going to be important:
I was born to a substance dependent mother so I had to be raised by a grandparent. Said grandparent is a nice person but is overprotective. Grandparent was in abusive marriage but never left the abuser due to financial reasons. The abuser eventually died due to health complications. Because children were also reared in abusive environment, children have cut ties with grandparent. This is likely due to the fact grandparent denies what has happened in the past.
​
Fast forward to 2014: I finish my undergrad degree. I tell grandparent (custodial parent) I did not want a party, just money or going out to dinner. What does grandparent do? Throw a $4,000 party anyway. The party was more for her because she feels like a failure as a parent (see substance dependent mother). I can feel sympathy for her there.
​
Fast forward to 2019: I will finish my MA. I tell grandparent I do not want to attend the ceremony because I do not want to pay $80.00 to wear a robe for two hours. We can go to dinner. She is now upset...again. Should I suck it up? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WHt7BCQgL2GcAPHIIsyr43PjwwZTjUGm | a2um60 | {
"description": "telling my project teammate that her quality of work is shit",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling my project teammate that her quality of work is shit? | 2 of us were supposed to write a 10 page paper on Tesla and it's influence. I take my work very seriously but this person had told me she's good at writing therefore I obliged to be her project partner.
Turns out she never wants to meet up and wants to do everyone on doc. I'm not cool with it but I comply. She finishes her part previous night (it was due today). I looked over it 1 hour before it's due and her whole part was sub-par quality which was a C grade work, not an A grade.
I re-edit 4 pages of her part to make it sound like my parts. I was having a bad day and seeing this BS quality work pushed me to casually text her "Your part has so many errors. I need to fix all of this."
To which she replied "no I'm positive there's so dramatic errors. Don't edit my parts."
We meet up in class and show her the history of edits. She gets pissed off and says "sure. Whatever. Submit it". I sent her a text saying I don't want interpersonal conflict and that our parts weren't matching. I told her It's her fault for not wanting to meet up and have subpar quality work therefore i just had to take action cause I care about an A. Does giving her a piece of my head make me an asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
2fHbRFZmC4U1OSxHO52751U2X9eoFFAl | aiuwx5 | {
"description": "still hating my parents for kicking me out when I was 18",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For still hating my parents for kicking me out when I was 18? | TLDR Below
So, I'm 23 now but this happened when I was 18 just 3 months after I graduated highschool, and I still think about this a lot.
Little back story: My parents were very verbally abusive to me growing up. They would just yell so loud at me constantly for even the smallest mistakes I made, did I get a B- in English? Well then you're getting an hour long yell session from Dad about how much of a loser I was. Were you 20 minutes late past your bed time? Another hour long yell session from your dad about being "disrespectful" to your family.
So to the incident, I had just graduated highschool and had just finished a little summer job at the pool and I was straight unemployed. If you had asked me at the time what my plans were for post graduation I woulda said "Fuck if I know", to be honest I had no ambition at that time. So anyways, one night my Dad and sisters were talking about that modern silent movie "The Artist" and my youngest sister, who was maybe 13 at the time, said "It was so dumb how it was silent!" Now my sister has always been a very pretentious smarter than thou kinda lady. She's the kinda person when you ask them about something as classic as Lord of the Rings she would still smugly look at you and say "Oh wow, you like that shitty movie?" Usually I just bite my tongue and don't say anything. But that time I said something like "You do realise that's the entire point of the film right?" Very dickishly and she runs off crying to her room. (Later I would find out my sister has some very serious mental health issues that stems from my parents doing the same shit to her, I know this because one time I went to therapy with her and found out)
Fast forward 2 hours later, my parents call me to the kitchen table and said something like
"You know your made your little sister cry right? You're a real asshole"
Me being a smug teenager say something like
"Ehh I've been called worse"
Then my dad says "Well we're going to have to ask you to leave, you have till Friday to leave"
I say "Okay sounds good" super smug like again and go to my room. I ended up having to beg my buddy's dad to let me stay with him which I did rent free, Russell if you're reading this you're a fucking saint, for a few months till I found a place with my friends.
Since then me and my parents do kinda stay in touch, I never talk to my Dad unless I have to. I didn't even tell him goodbye when I left to move 1800 miles away. But I still talk to my Mom regularly and we even have matching tattoos. My dad has apologized for the shitty way he treated me when I was a kid so there's that. But still, to this day I feel a lot of hate towards them, I hate them because I feel like they robbed me of having an enjoyable childhood that I could look back on with joy, now I avoid anything that reminds me of being a kid because everytime I do I just think about my dad yelling at me. I avoid my mom's calls and texts like the plague because it reminds me Fuck, I had to move 1800 miles away from my home town and friends just to escape it. I hate them because I feel like they stole my chance of having a normal loving relationship with an awesome family, not even my sisters and me are close because of our upbringing. I hate them because of the mental health issues I have to deal with daily because of what they did to me. Idk, am I the asshole for still feeling this way? AITA for denying then a relationship with their adult child and treating them poorly even though they have genuinely tried to patch things up? Should I just forgive them or what?
TLDR: AITA the asshole for not forgiving my parents for kicking me out when I was 18 and being verbally abusive to me and my sisters growing up?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
vEoj2qa81odtiE28xYcJgqNaqcAyPYO7 | b2rr1l | {
"description": "confronting my sisters/family of how awful they been to me throughout my life",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I confront my sisters/family of how awful they been to me throughout my life | So some context. I'm the oldest out of 4 sisters. I'm a male 26. However its my Full sister (23) and Half sister (19) the other two are not an issue. For years I have always been isolated with my family because my Step father basically made me feel unloved and unwanted through abuse in my own home for years. But my little sisters got all of it new tvs, computers, phones whatever they said they got. Me? Nothing. I get some games but I didn't get a new TV till I had to tell my Grandpa (Truest father figure) how bs it was they have giant flat screens and I had a tv I had sense I was 10 hell they even had there own A/C Vents I had to use a damn walmart fan to stay cool in the summer.
They're spoiled/loved and most of my family did play favoritism mostly with them which they do too this day (I have many examples to give). I don't pretend I was a saint as a kid but even if I do nothing anything wrong I would get yelled at by my full blood sister, insulted, feeling unwanted. Honestly I sometimes hate her. Like I want to have a relationship with her I do, but for so long I don't even think she understood what I went thought, not completely. The only time I ever get I love you from my full sister is just a text message or just a facebook post during events (Birthdays, sad posts etc). I honestly can't remember a time where she said it to my face.
Last year my uncle passed and I saw how my real fathers siblings basically never spoke or even care for each other. It broke me and I confronted her saying I don't want that for us. I don't remember 100% what she said but it was very much ignored and not care for. Recently I've kinda "snapped" My mom is getting a divorce from my asshole step father so she moved in with me and has been playing good mom (which is just her saying how much she loves me) when honestly from her it's just a word. She did nothing to protect me or get me out of that house and saw how I was treated and did nothing for me when she was completely able too. Telling her how pissed off and hurt I've been for most of my life seeing how they got to eat gold while I ate shit or they I had to basically deal with mental, emotional and some physical abuse from my step dad while they had the fucking red carpet. They get away with murder but god forbid I raise my voice I get fucking punished. How she admits she knew how I felt and just thought "I thought it would of changed" pretty sure after idk the first 10 years nothing did should of been your first indicator. She gets I'm hurting but I'm not better. I wanted a family for so long and too have my sisters the only siblings I have in my life to basically make me feel I don't matter to them all these years, its to much and too just have some kind of affection that is real alot too ask for?
Reddit what do I do? Would I be a asshole for telling how I feel? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Am1Ds9Yr8L6emTrZB9VGpK3STLNUk5YH | aux5k9 | {
"description": "being mad at this girl",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for being mad at this girl? | I like her. She is beautiful. Thin. Dark brown hair. Pale skin. Great sense of humour, wonderful personality. And even though I know she struggles with anxiety and insecurities, I was willing to spend time to help her. she never said anything to me until just a week ago. she says:
*"i used to like you, u/equinox_games7."*
Why didn't you tell me? Obviously this makes me a little frustrated.
Now all she talks about right in front of my face is how much she loves this new guy. "Aww, look at him, hes so cute!" "I want to hug him!" "I miss him!" "Where is he?" blah blah blah.
Right in front of me. after telling me you used to like me.
This annoyed me a lot, so i stopped talking to her, even as a friend. Now I'm wondering if what i did was a really asshole move.
But I cant say anything to her, or she'll go into some sort of darn anxiety attack or depressive state for the rest of the day and start apologizing for no reason over, and over again.
Could I have done better?
TL:DR; Girl told me she used to like me, now she keeps talking and flaunting her relationship with the guy she likes right in front of my face, then I got mad at her and gave her the silent treatment. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
6XntjPb7HgEFh3NfaOU56GPUcHIU82qC | afr186 | {
"description": "not spending enough time with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not spending enough time with my girlfriend? | It started back about a year and a half ago when I got together with this girl I’m gonna call Anna. Things started out great and we were super in love with each other, but as the relationship went on her love for me turned into what I’d almost call obsession. Anna began to become very controlling of me and wanted me to be with her nearly every second I could.
She had unrealistically high standards set when it came to spending time with her, and if I couldn’t fulfill them she’d threaten to breakup with me. I of course wanted to keep her so I tried my best to make her happy. I spent all of my free time in school with her (which involved eating lunch with her, walking her to every single class, sitting on the bus with her, ect.) and spent at least three times a week with her outside of school. Anna eventually cut me off from all of my friends and soon enough my only focus was her. I was really trying my best to put in the effort and commit to her like she wanted.
Despite this it still wasn’t enough. If I ever flaked on plans, which wasn’t often at all, she’d freak out and guilt trip me a hella lot for it. This even involved last minute events that were completely out of my control. On top of that, if I ever said no to plans because I had to study or catch up on homework, she’d make it seem like I was in the wrong or it was my fault. I had grades to keep up with, and though I tried to make her my top priority sometimes it didn’t work out that way.
Eventually she broke up with me because ‘she didn’t feel the same anymore.’ When I asked her why, she responded something about there being ‘a lot of distance in the relationship‘ and how it made her ‘unfeeling’ towards me. She pretty much then told me how our breakup was completely my fault because I didn’t spend enough time with her or put in the effort. I was super heartbroken and felt so guilty about it.
AITA for not spending enough time with her? | HISTORICAL | {
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UiG7IvmAcYbmbKDDIZ4lWYvUzsU6QTES | b2s5km | {
"description": "dating someone mainly because they gave me stability",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I dated someone mainly because they gave me stability. | I don’t actually have anyone in my mind right now I’m just trying to figure out things.
All the relationships I’ve had in the past have been unstable messes for one reason or another. At this point I just want someone who can give me a stable relationship. To me it doesn’t matter if I’m actually deeply in love with them or find them all that attractive as long as they can provide me with a stable healthy relationship.
But I feel like having that mindset is disingenuous and I would be an asshole to the other person if that were my main goal. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
kuLUSJRk1QqyowRDjWMDe93Y2Mkswygp | ahs5kk | null | AITA for a snarky remark about my kid eating? | AITA? I was eating with a friend (who doesn’t have kids, so I am honored that she would dare to hang out with a newborn and a toddler during food time), and I gave my 2.5 year old “snowman noses” (carrots) and broccoli with a little ranch and hummus to dip. My friend said, “You know, using that ranch dip pretty much negates the nutritional value of the carrot.”
I Quipped back, “you’re right, WAITER, can I get some fried chick and French fries with a biscuit?” (We were at my house, and I meant it to be a joke, but it came off my tongue a bit barbed).
She obviously got hurt and said, “No need to be a B*^*^, I was just trying to help stop you from F ing up and making your kid only like veggies slathered in that unhealthy crap.”
I apologized, told her I was just trying to make a joke, but I’m tired, so it came off wrong, and I appreciated her caring. We got over it and had a good rest of the day, but it’s still bothering me. AITA?
Tl;dr: I have my toddler veggies and ranch, my friend said that’s unhealthy, I made a stupid joke, she got offended. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
yNrWGjOcRDSTh1epluJuJfjhNMog4QSR | ac4t8x | {
"description": "ruining the relationship between my sister, my parents and I by being on my phone too much",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for ruining the relationship between my sister, my parents and I by being on my phone too much? | We never talk anymore, since half a decade as far as I can remember, since I discovered how interesting the internet is. I feel really guilty but I don't know if it's the right feeling. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
qW4dk9b60iz4jO8B40K8WvZwHXyx4XNB | aggt96 | {
"description": "automatically assuming I was being watched at a store and giving someone the stink eye for potentially no reason",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for automatically assuming I was being watched at a store and giving someone the stink eye for potentially no reason? | Just happened today. First time it's happened that I've noticed.
I was looking at some t-shirts in a hidden corner of the store.
Woman maybe 30-40 years old in plain clothing suddenly appears not more than a few feet away, also looking at the same shirts I was just looking at (Red flag #1)
Immediately once I spot her I walk away to a different section of the store to look at pants. I look there for about a minute, and then happen to turn around and glance back in the direction of which I just came from.
I see her looking straight at me for a few seconds. Hard to explain the look she was giving me, but her eyes were squinting a little bit like she was curious of my intentions. Have no idea what caused her to all of the sudden start watching me like that.
I'd say it's because of my skin color, but there were lots of other colored people around so what the hell was her problem? She was an African-American woman too. Was she loss prevention or was she just a weirdo?
Anyway, I gave her a pretty menacing look before we both broke eye contact. That's why I want to know if I'm being an asshole for giving her the stink eye for watching me like that. Nothing else happened after. Didn't see her again. Cannot describe how weird and uncomfortable I felt during those moments. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Wr1VSAakWSBAaz0EAgAJgMw1dYtoJjwk | alkjap | {
"description": "asking my dad's girlfriend to take down our wedding photos from her website/social media",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For asking my dad's girlfriend to take down our wedding photos from her website/social media? | Background: My mom passed away 5 years ago. It was extremely hard on the family...to no surprise probably hit my dad the hardest. He spent the next couple years depressed. Then he met a woman, let's call her Sally. Sally is an interesting character. She's had two prior marriages which both ended in unfortunate circumstances (both husbands are deceased from natural causes). She tends to be very controlling, manipulative, and is overly sensitive. Me and my two siblings have given her a chance, but it gets harder each time one of these incidents comes up.
​
The situation: My wife and I got married this past year. We had a month of coordinator and a photographer. Sally was there with my dad, obviously. She helped us out with a few things here and there, mostly suggestions. My wife essentially planned the whole wedding otherwise. Anyway, afterwards, Sally asks us if she can use our wedding photos for own event planning business she was starting. No problem, we said, thinking she would use pictures of our wedding that included the stuff she loaned us or made suggestions on.
Well, she put up pictures of virtually everything other than what she worked on. This was on a website, her facebook, and instagram. We didn't really know the extent of it because we didn't really look...but hashtags like #weddingcoordinator were used in each picture. Our actual wedding coordinator apparently found this, and made her OWN post using a picture of me and my wife from the wedding and slamming Sally. She did not mention Sally by name nor me and my wife, but the post was scathing and detailed how stealing someone's work was not okay and it was "filthy". Basically, she thought Sally was claiming to coordinate our wedding when she hadn't.
My wife and I were floored by this and we e-mailed our coordinator that it was unprofessional and she needed to take the post down. She did within minutes and apologized. Why she didn't e-mail or call us first I don't know. She claims she enraged that we knew about this (we didn't) and that she worked hard for our wedding (she didn't).
After this, we get on the phone with my dad and Sally. After a lot of humming and hawing, Sally appeared to agree to take down the pictures. My dad got defensive of her and suggested that she did more for our wedding than our actual coordinator. Sally also told us she never once claimed to have coordinated our wedding. I could tell Sally did not like the idea of taking the photos down, and when we said goodbye she gave us a quiet "bye" like she was upset. Later that night I told my dad that our actual coordinator took down the post, and he asked if that meant Sally could keep the pictures up. I said no, they need to be taken down. It's been over 24 hours and they're still up. My dad says he wants to talk to me at lunch tomorrow.
AITA? I can't be...right? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aG3oR5aWXSd0R05jsIuTBtBszaQJ4o67 | asfzmw | null | AITA Get into a discusion on a Sub for one of my favorite works of fiction, start to tear apart a guy after he gets rude to me. | Link to the thread below ( I scanned the rules, didn't see anyhting saying I can't share a link, hope I didn't miss that!)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/dresdenfiles/comments/arqdxy/murphonic\_field\_questions/](https://www.reddit.com/r/dresdenfiles/comments/arqdxy/murphonic_field_questions/)
Basically, once the guy said said "I guess you don't care about logic much.", I kind of lost it. The irony of being called illogical by someone who was going off on a tangent completely irrelevant to an honest question asked by the OP really irked me.
Did I escalate too far, in calling out the random BS num8lock said? Or was it justified, because this guy is just sprouting out gibberish, straw-man arguments, and passive aggressive insults? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
ILVLxi5pN80tIoZveMLUdYX8y21UhTKV | arz4da | {
"description": "ending this friendship",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I end this friendship | So, I've been friends with this guy for about 11 years. That's over half of our lives, and I'd say 9 of those years were great fun and I loved having him around.
Now onto the reason for this post, over the last 2 or 3 years he's been going through stuff, parent troubles, money troubles, the works. And I've always stood by him, he knows I'm always there for him and there to talk and hangout when ever he needs me. However, he never really takes me up on that, I cannot really fault him for that, but that also isn't the issue.
Because of the personal reasons states above he became less available to hang out with and do things, I understood this as it's perfectly natural that he would need time for himself. I feel I've been respecting that, but I have been at University so I'm no longer living within walking distance so our ability to hangout had decreased violently.
But my main problem is, I have started having my own problems, money related and mental health (Really bad anxiety) which I've been dealing with I feel fairly well. But I think my biggest problem right now is this friendship with him, I'm worried about him almost 24/7 which just adds to my anxiety. On top of him not showing up to things he'd be there for, just in general not talking to me, I'm sort of realising that this friendship might not be best for either of us.
So what I want to know is: If I ended this friendship, in the name of restoring out mental health (I feel like I've been putting a lot of pressure on him). WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
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lGuQovbWNurjnS75JnZe6aV2yTT4oPV0 | ajcr05 | {
"description": "openly passing gas at work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for openly passing gas at work? | I work in a confined space. Majority of my coworkers smoke. I don't and find the stench of cigarettes pretty awful. They will take a smoke break and return reeking. I have no escape from it. So now when I have one brewing, instead of holding it in I just let er rip. If they can stink I can stink. ITA right?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
kGxEIdoO46PalrEW0y2triTbDe78tqUx | aryrpz | null | AITA for this massive fight with my fiance about our wedding? | My fiance and I are getting married next year and are planning the wedding. She was choosing her bridesmaids and included her brother.
I don't have a problem with her brother, I just think it's weird to have a guy in the bride's party. I pointed out that he wouldn't be able to walk in with a girl, he'd have to come in with one of my groomsmen and she got defensive and said "so what?" I offered a compromise of including him in the wedding as an usher or having him walk her down the aisle (her parents have chosen not to attend) and she said no, she only wants him in the bridal party and she doesn't want anyone walking her down the aisle. It escalated into a huge fight because she refused to compromise for our wedding.
She ended up going to stay with a friend to calm down and we're meeting later to talk about it. Before the talk, I'd like input on if I'm the asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 43
} | WRONG |
5cF1NWOHcZrpc2lyMklSqkI5pC9Yg0PL | aik7zc | null | AITA. Subject:My Family Predicament | First Y'all need a little bit of back story. My mother and father got divorced when I was 12 and my younger sister was 7. They were on good terms after the divorce and still considered each other friends until this arose. My dad is Indian but most of my dad's family except for my dad lives in the US.
Well let me start on the story, after the divorce my sister and I lived with my mom until i was in the 9th grade. I did my 8th grade in Arizona and then moved to Oklahoma for my 9th grade year to be closer to my mom's family. We didn't have any real arguments until the end of 9th grade. The argument actually started out of nowhere, let me explain.My mom is quite into running as in she runs about 3-8 miles everyday and I can run but I don't like to(I have run a 5k in 35 minutes)((now I understand that isn't fast but my point is that I am not a couch potato)). One day she "invited"(forced me to go) to the track when I was sick and I said I couldn't run because I had the flu and she said that was ok and I went with my flipflops on but after I got out of the car she said I had to run 10 laps(2.5 miles or 4 km) and I said that I literally couldn't because I was wearing flipflops. She became furious and she told me to walk home if I couldn't run 10 laps and home was about a mile and a half away so I decided to walk home. After I got home I was tired , so I laid on my bed and was looking at memes until my mom came home. after a few hours of giving me the silent treatment, she told me that I was "The laziest person she had ever met" and she told me I have no work ethic and that with my attitude I would not go very far in life. I explained to her that I was sick and she said that I was making excuses. I told her that sh should be more empathetic and she became angry and after a few more days of giving my the silent treatment, she told me that she had decided to send me to India to live with my Dad and give up custody to him while my sister would live with her. I did have a couple of arguments after that about how this would make going to a good college difficult and would hold me back education-wise because Indian Schools aren't particularly known for great academic standards. Well I went to India and I had no summer break (Indian school starts on the 1st of June). After the first summative exam(Indian Midterms), my Dad's side of the family(including me) all had a talk with me about my educational future. We came to the conclusion that it would be better for me if I lived with my Great-Aunt who lives in Manhattan because the education system there is better than Oklahoma or India. They decided that I should tell my mom over a video chat about the idea, so I did and she flipped out. She said that I was trying to undermine her authority and that if I set foot in the US that she will put me in Catholic school dorms. She said that I will not live in The US until I am done with college and when I asked her why that is she told me that she never wants to study in an American school unless it is Catholic. After she said this I basically told her that the family decided what is best and we will go by that. She said that I had to listen to her because she is my mother and then I mentioned how she gave up custody and I swear I have never seen anyone so angry in my entire life, her face flushed red and she started screaming about how I was a horrible son and I was betraying her and then she hung up. This whole thing is causing a lot of friction between me and my mother. Did I do anything wrong here or is my mother acting irrationally? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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fQv4pGJ5AWFSAKBHCCJa1dZVglpKEnlS | b1ty56 | {
"description": "only giving 50% of the donation at a job",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for only giving 50% of the donation at a job | At the time this happened I worked as a music journalist. On a weekly basis, I wrote the local music column (pretty good pay for the work involved tbh), gig reviews which featured in he national supplements of the weekly paper (£25 a pop) & freelance pieces as and when I produced them (pay varied).
I'd email my editor once a week telling him what was on and he'd tell me what to cover. One benefit of this was if there was a gig I *wanted* to go to it would be one of the gigs I'd cover. This was great as I'd get a free ticket plus one and get paid £25 on top of that to write a short review.
The downside was it often meant covering artists I didn't like (who I'd always review objectively!) Once you factored in travel time, the 3-4 hours there, then writing & proofing the review it could take 5-6 hours total. Meaning I would be earning significantly less than minimum wage. I was cool with this though, as the free tickets to gigs I wanted to go more than balanced that out.
A local hero who had become hugely successful was playing a hometown show so obviously this was a gig needing covered. I wasn't really a fan, nor was anyone I knew, so I was flying solo at a gig I didn't want to be at.
The way it usually worked is you wouldn't have a 'ticket' but would be added to the guest list. So I went to the box office, gave my name and waited for my pass. I was then told there was a minimum £10 donation to charity for everyone on the guest list.
Now there's nothing wrong with this. The majority of guest list, particularly at this hometown gig, would have been friends, family and hangers on, so not entirely unreasonable, however two things.
Firstly, I'm not a friend, family member or hanger on, I was a professional there to do a job. Secondly I only had 5 quid with me (to buy a drink with...I deliberately only ever took a fiver when I was reviewing as I didn't want to blow most of my pay chugging diet coke and red bull.)
I was a bit annoyed as I'd be parched during the gig but I handed over the five pounds anyway, only to get a bollocking from the box office attendant. When I explained that not only was it all I had, I was there for work not pleasure, that now I couldn't even get a water, I would much rather be at home on the sofa spending time with my girlfriend and that even if I had the full £10 that would be 40% of my pay for the evening she still have me grief.
After a brief argument, which involved her guilt tripping me for not giving to charity and me asking if she was donating 40% of her evening's wages to charity, I eventually went in.
For what it's worth it was a surprisingly good show and I gave it a very good review.
So...am I the asshole for not donating the full amount to charity, or am I actually halfway decent for giving the only money I had on me to the charity box? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
c8K2Fb78MTWBl6LiO5sqRXB5GxhipF80 | ba7zbi | {
"description": "not loaning my friend $300",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not loaning my friend $300? | One of my good friends from high school recently reached out to me for money. He told me he needs to pay $300 to his mom every month and he wasn’t going to be able to come up with the money in time. (There deal was he pays $300 and she pays for school).
My friend and I haven’t spoken in months before this. Our mutual friend and I hang out all the time despite the distance between us. We were a trio in high school and the loanee has been drifting apart since we all went our own ways since graduation.
I went full on into owning a business while they went to school. I make a good living and they know that. I don’t believe in loans. I would rather either give the money with no return or someone earning it. My friend has worked many fast food jobs for as long as I can remember. I know he makes enough to pay his mom and probably didn’t manage his finances enough this month. He was saying that he was planning on using his tax return to pay her but it hadn’t come in yet. He promised the minute it came in he’d pay me back. I interpreted that as “I over spent this month because I was expecting my return but it never happened so now I’m screwed”.
I didn’t want to “reward” poor money management skills so I offered him a job.
It’s was really simple stuff and I offered to pay him directly at the end of the week so he can pay his mom. I was 100% going to be overpaying but I wanted to give him a chance.
I also gave him the option that if he came up with $150 I’d match the rest and he wouldn’t owe me anything.
He told me that I wasn’t being a good friend. That I was trying to “make a lesson out of him”. That he came to me in his time of need and I’m just trying to get him to work for me. I was offering $300 to be a glorified receptionist cause we are entering a busy period in my business. I was really frustrated that he felt that way.
I told our mutual friend and he brought up that he probably asked me because it was less embarrassing than asking his new friends he made in school. I just felt used, like I was a bank account for one of my good friends. I just feel like his pride won’t allow him to tell his mom he fucked up. They aren’t a family in rough financial times, I know she’d understand.
AITA here? Him and his girlfriend seem to think so. My girlfriends neutral cause she thinks I should consider our past and understand. I just feel like we’ve been drifting apart and the first time we’ve talked in months is about a loan. I don’t want to track down the money and get it back. Should I just give it to him? Just feels like there’s a price tag on our friendship now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hhNA9zHm14BW5y0Fao0Ns32kpjFWMxRI | b00lyj | {
"description": "wanting to leave my bi-polar wife who sleeps 24/7",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to leave my bi-polar wife who sleeps 24/7? | I still love her but I am incredibly lonely, bored and depressed because the only thing she ever wants to do is see a movie, or take a nap. She gets home from work everyday, goes upstairs and goes to bed leaving me to make sure our son does his homework, practices drums, and cook dinner
Every weekend, either I fix breakfast or we go out. We come back and she runs upstairs to sleep the rest of the afternoon away. I usually have to rush home from work even though they expect us to work 50-60 hours a week because she’s asleep and not paying any attention to our mildly autistic son.
She was diagnosed bipolar 2 shortly after he was born 11 years ago. She takes a mood stabilizer and trazadone every night to “help her sleep.” Im pretty sure that’s part of it, but I can’t talk to her about it without her getting super defensive and shutting down on me. Even before the medication, she always needed a lot of sleep.
She does work a full time job and makes very good money. Her job is very stressful which probably contributes to her being exhausted all the time. She is a loving mother and does have a good relationship with our son. She has been sick with some cold for like the last 2 weeks, but the sleeping all the time thing is constant.
Today was the last straw. She called in to work because she wanted to sleep in and our son didn’t have school. She woke up, got Starbucks for him, and sat on the couch all day playing on her phone while he played Fortnite literally all day. I asked her to take him to the trampoline park so he could get some exercise. Get a text while I’m at work that she’s tired and taking a nap and can I take him when I get home? I needed to stay late because I’m super behind at work but she was already fast asleep and not answering by the time I got it.
I tried talking to her about it but she doesn’t think it’s a problem. I let her know I’m sick of being alone all the time and I needed more out of the relationship. I said I wanted to give her a chance to work on things. Her response was, “this is bullshit. You’re probably seeing someone else.” I have cheated before but I’m not now.
AITA for wanting to throw in the towel? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
PHuWyXNAvhKkJuIKBOosswexyLry64D7 | b7hzie | {
"description": "potentially letting my boss' work get lost",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA - For potentially letting my boss' work get lost | So the place I work for has been using a very old, majorly outdated computer system and on Friday we were upgraded.
So my boss knew about the change and I've talked to her about saving her work on the C drive when she should be saving it in the network in case our system crashed.
Friday, IT came to set up our new computers and gave us the heads up to save anything we might have on our desktops to the network. My boss was out because she it's the end of year and she had to use vacation time before she lost it (poor planning on her part), but I also suspect she was avoiding the change over because it was going to be a clusterf*** (which it was, FML).
To the point: I was in charge while she is away and I could have told IT to leave her computer until she returned. But I didn't and now she may have lost all of the work that she saved on her desktop. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
H1MpQcU9OpNLyGgE7Ww1sbilKADNt2TV | b1ox14 | {
"description": "making my girlfriend go to therapy",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For making my Girlfriend go to therapy? | Title is basically the TL;DR.
We've been dating for about two years now, we're doing long distance so it has its challenges but we're making it work. In the past two months or so, she's been in this malaise. She cries a lot, she's constantly putting herself down, she frequently doubts herself and constantly states that she's tired and has no energy. She says this feeling has come around the same time every year, and eventually goes away.
Ive done my usual ways of helping, generally talking, being patient and waiting it out. Recently though it's gotten too much, there are brief moments, days, where she feels fine, she laughs and smiles. But overall it's difficult, and so I have suggested seeing a professional. At first it was only a suggestion and I dropped the topic. Today I finally put my foot down and am making her see someone. She has scheduled an appointment for the 19th, but constantly worries about it. She says various things such as "it's not going to help" "I'm fine it's a big deal over nothing" "I'm going to feel fake or I feel like I'll just be saying things to get a diagnosis" or even "I can't talk to them they're a stranger it's impossible and it's not going to do anything they're going to tell me that I'm wasting their time." We had a pretty heated discussion about it where I at first tried to systematically dismantle the arguements, I eventually lost my patience, and started talking about how I can't do this forever. She finally agreed to go and to tell them how she feels. I feel awful for having to say that and pressuring her to go in the first place, but she's felt that way for a while now. So am I overreacting? AITA? (I'm paying for the visit by the way, as money was a previous concern) | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
0VMIeFnNRuVMDWc3Jn2znFKMgjua3Mbo | auoyoo | {
"description": "possibly contributing to a classmate developing severe social anxiety and dropping out of school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for possibly contributing to a classmate developing severe social anxiety and dropping out of school? | This happened about a couple years ago when we were around 14 and I've changed any names included.
So, the guy in question I'm calling Jake. He was a super quiet and nerdy guy, the type who wanted to be a librarian as a job, and while he definitely wasn't popular he had a small group of close friends. I sat beside him in a couple classes due to our second names and he was a really nice guy who was actually really funny.
During lunch one day he was hanging out outside with a large group. They were messing about and another guy ended up falling on him and licking his face on accident (I have no clue how as I wasn't there). Anyway, from that the 'ship' was immediately born. Everyone was joking that the two were together and by the end of the day like 40 people were in on the joke. Someone created a ship name for them (it was 2016) and people wrote it on their files and never left them alone about it.
Jake was obviously made really uncomfortable about it, but the other guy found it kinda funny, so the joke kept on going. Everyday people (including me) would ask Jake about his 'relationship' and he would tell us to stop but in a joking way, so it continued. After a couple months the joke died off, but Jake had already become more reserved, but no one really noticed due to how quiet he already was. After a few weeks he stopped coming to school. His close friends were taken out of class a couple times but didn't tell us why. He deleted all his social media and just fell off the face of the earth. I heard from one of his friends that he developed social anxiety and doesn't like to leave his house anymore and is now homeschooled.
He had some underlining issues before this but I think this is what set him over the edge and I can't reach out to him because he deleted everything. It only dawned on me recently what happened and the part I might have played in this. AITA or do you guys think there could have been another reason for him dropping out?
​
TLDR: A classmate developed social anxiety and dropped out of school possibly because of a joke that went too far that I was a part of. | HISTORICAL | {
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"NOBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
hCXlyly5HqdfFH6yxmomChm5vvEQpAYW | ag3v6o | {
"description": "pulling out of a family holiday I planned because it'll be too expensive",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pulling out of a family holiday I planned because it'll be too expensive? | My family have a tradition where we go on a family holiday (6-8 people) to celebrate milestone birthdays, and this year it's my 30th and my Mum's 60th in the same month. As soon as we started planning last year my fiancé and I said we wouldn't be able to afford an expensive holiday because we're saving for our wedding next year.
​
I took on planning the trip. Eventually everyone agreed on Morocco, instead of any of the countries my fiancé and I suggested which are close and cheap. Morocco seemed like an ok option because although the flights are expensive the daily expenses are quite low.
​
I put together a trip within our budget, using trains to get around the country, but my Mum said that they wanted to have a private tour with a driver and a tour guide. I've spent three months speaking to about nine different travel agents and private tour companies and can't find anyone who can get us what my Mum wants for under $6.5-7k per person for a two week holiday. This is 2 or 3 times the budget that my fiance and I can afford.
​
I've spoken privately to my Mum three times about our concerns about the cost of the trip and been told they don't want to compromise on the private guide, the driver, or the destination.
​
Yesterday I got my schedule for my upcoming semester at uni and found that I actually have exams right in the time we had planned to be in Morocco. I told everyone that we won't be able to go when we planned (during our birthdays), and also told the group chat for the first time that we have concerns about the cost of the trip. We still want to go on the trip, we just can't afford the trip everyone else wants, and we can't go at that time.
​
Now everyone's really annoyed with me and no one's talking to me. (To clarify - we haven't booked or paid anything.)
​
I know Mum's probably really hurt because this is something that she has been looking forward to for years, and it's celebrating her birthday too, but we're not saying that we don't want to go or we won't be going or even that they can't go without us - just that we need to compromise on the cost of the trip and find another set of dates! I'm sure she's also thinking that the timing of finding out about the exams is very convenient, but I honestly couldn't have had the information before now, and I've already looked at changing units and can't make it work - the only thing I could do would be to skip a semester, which I don't want to do.
​
I can also understand people being annoyed that I have been in charge of planning the trip and now I'm the one saying it won't work for us, but I've only been able to work to the requirements put out there by other people. I've also asked for suggestions and checked with companies suggested by everyone else, and even asked Mum to ask her friend who's a local tour guide in Morocco to put together an itinerary, but it hasn't come to anything.
​
AITA?
​
TLDR: I planned a holiday for the family to celebrate a pair of milestone birthdays but won't be able to go on the trip without compromises from other family members that they're not willing to make. AITA?
​
(Throwaway because this is potentially really identifying.) | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 12,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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} | RIGHT |
E2kqMQtdei572tgS6xoCzXh81yOLkMYO | b09m8k | {
"description": "saying a football player deserved to lose his scholarship for smoking weed",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for saying a football player deserved to lose his scholarship for smoking weed? | So my school is considered kind of a sports powerhouse, ranking at least top 15 in every sport (football, soccer, track, swimming, golf, baseball, basketball, wrestling). A decent amount of people get recruited and/or get scholarships every year. The two in question here is Jack, let's call him, who got a full ride to Oklahoma for football, and me, a recruited swimmer for Emory.
So, recently, a whole thing happened, and Jack was caught with weed in his locker. It was a big thing, and he ended up getting rescinded.
Some of my friends asked my opinion of this, since I'm also recruited, although I didn't get a scholarship. Personally, I think he got what was coming. He always goes out, parties, drinks, and does weed pretty often. All this is common knowledge. All of this is also against the rules, but none of the students really cared.
Personally, I don't think a guy who goes out, parties all the time, and does a bunch of unhealthy shit (for being a teenager), he doesn't deserve a scholarship. That's what I told them. They all said I was being harsh. But I don't think it is. There are rules against weed, there are rules against drinking. He broke them. Those are the consequences.
So, am I the ashsole for this opinion? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
GuJsTjgYnRNeFuTaCm6tOZhwBwrLFp5t | avhx2g | {
"description": "not filling my friends name on an Important School task",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA For not filling my friends name on an Important School task | Have to fill this in quick because i'll have to make it within 2 Hours and Send it to the Teacher. Me and My friend both being pretty lazy decided to make this together. We postponed it multiple times and today is the deadline. I wanted to make the Task together on school multiple times, but he either had to "go somewhere" or "forgot" to stay on school. He knew we had to make it today and he called in sick. I went home and told him to ask for another postponement. He said okay and guess what. He forgot about it. I told him he could help me since we still have 3 hours. He said "I'm about to go to bed. I still have Migrain." I didn't buy this since i myself have had Migrain since i was little and i know it doesn't last all day. I told him i'll make it myself but tell the teacher i made it myself so he won't get a grade. Causing big problems for him. But its his own fault imo. WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
emK03znd5GwKcntEFoGvSND9tltzM4AI | apn0va | {
"description": "going off on my gf because she's not careful when she cooks",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA (23M) for going off on my (20F) GF because she’s not careful when she cooks?? | So my GF has started to cook more (usually I cook everything) and every time she cooks there is an open flame. I mean literally something in the kitchen catches on fire. When cooking she tends to set the burners to the highest setting. To the point where they are glowing bright red. Well tonight she left a paper towel too close to the burner and it caught. She tried to blow the fire out (didn’t work) and I had to spray it with water to put it out. I went off on her saying she needs to be more careful and pay attention. She of course got upset and told me I was being an asshole for going off on her and that my reaction was not necessary. This isn’t the first time though... she’s consistently over burnt something or caught something on fire. Soo AITA?
TLDR: GF catches something on fire every time she cooks. I finally went off on her. She complained. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 11,
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KGblUQOpZLjqHOfe4t0VeVtK5DedCd3D | b75m1t | {
"description": "freaking out because the wife didnt clean",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for freaking out because the wife didnt clean |
So for a little context I work 23 hours from the town my wife refuses to leave. 4 weeks working 2 weeks off. We have two kids 10 and 8 plus one on the way.
I make pretty good money, so when I took this job we sat down and talked about her staying at home because she would have to Cook, clean, care for the kids. All by herself. She said of course and was excited.
So at the beginning of this week she tells me she is pregnant. Sweet. Right.
On thrusday I work from 330am until 5pm then jump in my car and drive 23 hours straight.
I dont expect much from her given that she has morning sickness and normal pregnancy issues. I get home home exhausted but willing to watch the kids I mean they r old enough it isnt much to ask. Plus it is almost dinner time.
She then gathers up her purse and claims she needs to get some craft crap for our daughter. Then tells me to make dinner. At this point I take stock of the apartment and clothes are everywhere. My son's room has a pile of clean clothes on the floor, she left them. The dishes haven't been done. Basically it is not a shit show but it is working on it.
I said screw it made dinner and did the dishes. (Still haven't slept yet) she gets home and I let her have it. She claims I am being an ass cause I am gone. I called her a name that I regret, but she could have just moved with me to my job. Where I want her to be anyway, so I can help her out.
So AITA
Tldr, came home from working out of town, SAHM didnt clean anything I called her a lazy female dog. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
HuHfBUulNZTnMdWf8mYf9xSLhjb9tcro | ak8isj | {
"description": "cutting ties with a friend that asked me out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting ties with a friend that asked me out? | A few months ago, I (F16) became friends with a guy at my school. I’ll call him A. I go to an all-girls school but A has been questioning his gender for some time now, and prefers male pronouns. A also has a pretty obvious crush on me that became apparent fairly quickly- he would stare at me in class, come back with me to my form room, all the typical stuff. He didn’t outwardly say so, but he was very open about it within his friendship group and the news got back to me- gossip spreads. I decided not to bring the topic up to him, and to let him surrender that information to me when he wanted to. But he progressively got harder to be around- our conversations disintegrated into an overwhelmingly depressive miasma and he got more and more clingy. I couldn’t get away from him, as he’d follow me everywhere. We went on a walk, and after about 6 hours I said that I was tired and that I wanted to go home. He said that he’d come too and followed me back, staying at my house for another 2 hours before I surreptitiously text my mum to drive him home.
I realised we had nearly nothing in common and I honestly just wanted to break off contact with him. I couldn’t deal with the topic of conversation because I have diagnosed severe anxiety and experience strong suicidal thoughts, so every time we spoke about stuff in that ballpark it would bring it to the surface and put me in a vulnerable position for a good few hours. I tried to be a good friend but I felt no connection. It was difficult to empathise with his emotional state when I felt so awful myself. I could not expend that emotional energy. To be concise: it was exhausting.
So A eventually asks me out, and I tell him that I cannot reciprocate. I felt incredibly uncomfortable but also numb- I just couldn’t connect with him and I felt so bored and dry throughout the rest of the day. He, again, came back to my house afterwards. I’m not sure what I should have done, but in the next few days I blanked him completely at school. He messaged me a few times, saying things like ‘please stop ignoring me, it’s exhausting trying to speak to you. What have I done wrong? Have I ruined everything?’ I tried to damage control by saying I’d speak to him the next week, and that I was just in a bad place and needed some time, but I continued to ignore him. He would come into my form room to sit and stare at me- i could feel his presence like daggers in my back. I want to keep avoiding him. I want to relinquish our friendship. I began ignoring his text messages- i feel I owe him an explanation but I just don’t want to interact with him. I’ve lost friends like this before. I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of isolating myself and that soon I will be completely on my own.
Anyway. A has a new crush. He learnt on me heavily for emotional support before. I think I was bad for him- he went through some rough things, and his family situation was one wherein his parents were both away from home for long stretches of time, not to mention his gender dysphoria. I was never a good friend to him. Am I the asshole for cutting him out of my life and refusing to explain why? Sorry for the verbal vomit. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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"RIGHT": 5,
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iJ6EzxPZpagu3WVofq1wUfdNf8BE9cEg | aqfhg9 | {
"description": "remaining friends with someone my brother claims is a \"backstabber\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for remaining friends with someone my brother claims is a "backstabber" | Growing up a lot of my older brother's friends became my friends, since they were more family friends, I consider a few of them my brothers from another mother. The friend in question got me my first job, was always there to help us out of a jam, but most importantly he was my brother's best friend for many years. They would get into tiffs, as many best friends are apt to, but typically would resolve their issues. That is until my brother got addicted to opiates, and since then there has been festering resentment on both sides.
What it boiled down to was that my brother was living with this friend and their family rent free while he was unemployed, and is still unemployed. This friend talked to another mutual friend, the guy who sold my brother opiates, about my brother's addiction. This sparked an intervention of sorts, and nothing has been the same since. My brother developed a sense of paranoia after that, and more issues regarding their relationship followed.
I accepted their falling out, and tried my best to get them to reconcile, but it seemed both of them decided there was too much bad blood between them. I'm not one to take sides, but when my brother found out I was still talking to this friend he sent me a novel essentially telling me why I should not trust him. To be honest, I couldn't comprehend most of it, as it seemed like paranoid ranting. I'm biased in that I know addiction well, and I can see that it might be that he's just trying to defend his own addiction.
The thing is, my brother has since gotten into an outpatient program. He goes to a clinic to get methadone, and seems to realize he has a problem, which is leaps and bounds above where he's been at since this all started. Still he maintains this friend is an enemy, and I shouldn't talk to him.
This is not someone I hang out with everyday, or even talk to all that much, but I'm not ready to cut him off just because him and my brother fell out, especially considering the circumstances.
AITA? Does this mean I'm not loyal to my brother? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | RIGHT |
oyI6UH4QRILs4ROIpgPJ8BgdIZkLFrpR | ax3nwq | {
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to come with me to an event",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to come with me to an event? | Heres the story, my girlfriend does this thing where she'll say she doesnt want to go if I ask her to go somewhere with me,especially if it involves my friends. So I asked her to go to an event a week prior, she says no. I ask her again two days before the event, no again. I ask her the morning of, shockingly, she says no. So I get ready to leave, I'm dressed basically with a foot out the door. She comes down and says "oh I've decided I will come with you." Mind you, this is at noon and I'm supposed to meet my friends in like 15 min. She says she has to shower and get dressed so itll be an hour before shes ready. I tell her I was ready to leave and that I'm annoyed that she just decided to come. She goes on this spiel about how she doesnt know If shes going to want to do things until right before because she doesnt know about her mood. I tell her the show ends at 3 and I'm already late to meet people. She tears off about how I'm putting my friends before her and she thought I'd be happy she decided to come. We argued and she told me to just go on my own but she was very angry and still brings it up. Saying "I let you go to that thing on your own why do you need to go to this too."
So reddit, am I the asshole here?
TL;DR: Asked girlfriend if she wanted to go to event multiple times, she said no, then wanted to go with me last minute and I called her inconsiderate.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 24,
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"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
G2ChIWe3KiAEcdPv8IURoXohVUGHkTze | 9z0unc | null | AITA for what I said to my friend about her promise ring? | I'm 26 and just got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years. My friend is 25 and has worn a promise ring given to her by her bf for as long as I have known her. She has specifically said that it is a promise ring.
Ever since I got engaged my friend has been weirdly competitive. A couple of people have asked to see my ring, and she has stuck her hand out and said "By the way, here's mine." My engagement ring is a half-carat diamond whereas her promise ring is a 1 carat moissanite, which I only mention because she brings it up *all the time*. I happen to like diamonds, moissanite, and other colored stones and pretty much think you should go with whatever style you like best. My friend is constantly mentioning how much more *ethical* moissanite is and how it's *so silly* how anyone would spend more money on a diamond when they can get a bigger moissanite for less money. Yes that is true, but god shut up. I don't care, I like my ring and it has a lab-grown diamond thank you very much.
I have pretty much tried to avoid all mention of wedding talk around my friend because she will just interrupt me to talk about what *she's* going to do for *her* wedding and she will talk and talk and talk and talk without me being able to get a word in edgewise. Imo that's rude enough as it is, but with her not even being engaged it's also kind of silly.
She has also jumped all over me for picking out the ring with my now-fiancee a couple months before he popped the question. We decided we wanted to get married, went shopping for the ring together, he bought it, and then waited a couple months so that the exact time and place of the proposal would be a surprise. It was perfect for me, but my friend has criticized me for it several times, said it was pointless and attention-seeking to want a proposal after you pick out your own ring, and even commented on my engagement announcement on Facebook saying "Yeah, two months ago 😏"
So that has all added up to me being pretty fed up with her shitty, annoying behavior but for the most part I've kept it to myself and just tried to ignore it. But during the latest round of passive aggressive one upsmanship I had to open my big fat mouth and I told her that since it was obvious she was serious about getting married, she should go talk to her boyfriend about actually proposing instead of desperately stalling for time, and that she was just embarrassing herself when she talked crap about my engagement publicly because everyone knows that promise rings are middle school bullshit.
Spoiler alert: That didn't go over well. I know it was harsh, but am I the asshole? I want to say no because I've been putting up with her nastiness for 2 months, and I think she needs the wakeup call, but she was legitimately upset and cried, so I also do feel like a jerk. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 36,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 18
} | RIGHT |
kCf1krpDPHwvrGTROMoIDv59MapQmz4Q | abjgyo | {
"description": "not waiting for my girlfriend to pay attention on our twitch stream and attacking her character",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For not waiting for my girlfriend to pay attention on our Twitch stream and attacking her character. | So last night we were streaming us playing fighting games. She kept doing other stuff like texting on her phone or vaping on the loading screens. She got really angry that I would start attacking if the match started because she wasn't ready. She said a real gamer would wait for the other person to be ready. My side is that you should do that stuff in the character select screen and such before the match starts and be ready. It isn't like I can't start the match without her, when the match says fight it is time to fight and not my fault you aren't paying attention or doing something else.
Plus I feel that people aren't watching for her to text on her phone and us to stand there while the match has started and not doing anything. If it were just us two alone I see that as an asshole boyfriend movie but as a gamer I would start whooping on anything else the same way if they weren't paying attention.She wanted to stream to so its not like it was me forcing her to play these games. These weren't emergency text and could wait a couple minutes for the 3 round bout to be over.
I mainly just posted this to show her the thread after lol I'll apologize if you take her side. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
95tSzaxkXccwPU2nlCmxZwP9WimV3VBf | b17x08 | {
"description": "not telling someone they have a potentially fatal illness",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA If I don’t tell someone they have a potentially fatal illness? | For background, my family immigrated from China and now my mom is now helping her college friend (Cathy) from China by letting them stay at our house for a while. She also brought her son (Sean) over but the dad is not in the picture at all. Apparently she got fanatical about Buddhism and lived in the middle of nowhere so my mom decided to have Sean checked out by her doctor. The doctor said that Sean displays many symptoms of Marfan syndrome and he seriously needs to be checked out. I thought it is an extremely seriously issue and Sean needs to be tested right away and Cathy needs to know. However, she refuses to let Cathy or Sean know. She argues that they have no heath insurance and no money so even if she tried to let Cathy know, she wouldn’t have the vast amount of money to treat Sean anyway and they don’t need the extra stress right now.
I tried to tell her that it’s morally wrong to keep this from Cathy but she wouldn’t do it so I left it at that. I told this to my friends and they are telling me that I should surpass my mother and just tell Cathy anyway. This is going to sound cold but I don’t think it’s my responsibility and I do have agree that if they have no money or health insurance, telling them wouldn’t do anything either way. Plus I don’t even know them well at all so I don’t feel comfortable having a conversation like that. WIBTA if I just ignore this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
fUwoZBE565tYJgcdYs1HgpueWKOiGbrz | aipa59 | {
"description": "not agreeing with my gf to get a vasectomy in 10 years",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For not agreeing with my GF to get a vasectomy in 10 years |
My GF and I have been dating for almost a year now and tings have been going great, we've talked about getting married in passing and I'm pretty sure that I'll propose to her at some point in the future. We're also on the same page about having kids, both of us are pretty sure we don't want them and because of this, we've been using BC.
When we first started dating, we used condoms and after a while, she got on the pill. Towards the end of last year, she got an IUD, which started coming out a few weeks later which made her have to get another one about a month ago. Both experiences for her were discomforting, but it appears that we’re out of the woods and the second one is in place better.
All of this brings us to the conversation that we had a few days ago, I was talking to her on the phone on my way back from the gym and she asks "In 10 years when I'd have to replace my IUD, would you get a vasectomy instead of me getting another IUD?".
I didn't really give her answer, my argument was that that decision would be at least 8 years from now and that telling her ‘Yes’ now, would make me a liar if I said ‘No’ when it came time to do it. I'm not opposed to getting a vasectomy, I’ve read into it some but I don't want to think about that until that decision gets a lot closer. After that, she sounded upset and I felt that the only possible answer would have been ‘Yes’ if only not to make her feel bad. She’s not mad at me now, however, if that makes a difference.
So, AITA for not agreeing with my girlfriend that I should get a vasectomy, 10 years from now? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ouQi9gO3RqmRBvkPtlAKfCwks9rfGhZ5 | avt81b | {
"description": "not texting my girlfriend while with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not texting my girlfriend while with my friends? | I’ve recently been in a new relationship of about a month and a half. I live in a different state than her due to her being in school, and me not being in school. I text her all the time, we FaceTime every so often, we are trying to make it work.
Anyways last night I had work. I had not texted her during work because, well, frankly I’m busy doing work lol. My managers don’t like seeing my phone out, and she doesn’t expect me to text her while at work. After work 2 friends I had not seen in a month and 2 friends I see regularly invited me over to their place. We were going to smoke. I told my gf that this was happening and after that I didn’t text her until I left the house which was about 2.5 hours after. Note she had also not texted me. She had fallen asleep by the time I had reached out to her.
This morning she was livid, telling me that she is not my #1 priority, and that the evidence shows from one night of me not texting her while at a friends house.
I explained to her that while she is my #1 priority, my friends also deserve my full attention when I am with them. I am not going to be texting her 24/7, it is simply not possible, and I am not capable of having a text conversation and a real one with friends while maintaining my focus. I would be all over the place and it would cause me stress.
AITA for ignoring her for one night?
Reading this back it seems silly but fr am AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CyBAWLZI8mqmEYudAEfemamjHD670opQ | b5v6ha | {
"description": "expecting someone to pick me up even though their plans changed",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA For expecting someone to pick me up even though their plans changed? | [https://imgur.com/a/yQftqTo](https://imgur.com/a/yQftqTo) I havnt seen anyone post a link so I'm not sure if it's allowed, but the story goes as follows.
I'm 28 and don't drive. I wanted to go see one of my best friends in Tampa, Fl (35 minutes from where I live). I wanted to be the least inconvenience as possible, so if I were to get a ride I wanted to be where people were going to be anyways. I got some friends who wanted to see her to take me up, hang out, and drop me off for a few days, and My sister, who said she would be in Tampa anyways, agreed to pick me up on her way back home. I confirmed multiple times and would have planned another week if she could not. But she said it was fine and everything was set. I've been up for three days, and the day before she was supposed to get me our cousin gets in an accident and doesnt want to see my sister, so she decides to cancel everything and doesnt want to get me. I know I have other ways down, but I feel, personally, betrayed and highly annoyed that she can just brush me off like that. But the thing is, if shes not going to be up, should she feel obligated to get me?
I know I should be driving at my age, but I never needed to, so I wanted this to work for everyone, not just me.
But I just need to know if im being a prick for still expecting her to drive 30 minutes to not leave me in Tampa with a 70$ Lyft Bill.
||||
|:-|:-|:-|
||||
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
8kSzLGBvsBBx6PQBN21i1i5gyYGWJgNc | ba55fw | {
"description": "cat fishing a friend to make her breakup with her emotionally abusive boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for cat fishing a friend to make her breakup with her emotionally abusive boyfriend? | yeah ok so where do we begin? my very close friend started dating this guy who was fine at first, kinda on the dorky side. after a few months i noticed he started being VERY overprotective. he wouldn’t let her hang out with me and he told her that she was no longer able to spend the night at my house without staying on facetime for most of it. i could understand this if i were straight but i’m like,,,, v gay lol so idk what he was so worried about. he would start getting weird about her family too, making sure her and her step brother weren’t sleeping together, asking where her stepdad is, etc. they would sometimes play video games together and if she messed up somehow he would throw a fit and get really upset with her and they would both end up crying and sitting in silence on facetime. so i came up with a plan. i used one of those fake phone number things and started texting her from a random phone number. i was asking about her relationship and trying to get her to open her eyes. i told her that i was an old schoolmate of hers and that i moved away but i was hearing about the relationship. she told the actual me about this and i told her that the random phone number guy had some points. we (me and fake me) worked together to tell open her eyes about her relationship. they broke up afterwards and i feel bad about it but everyone wanted them to break up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
ssM0N4Wm1BZREfjnyYYLlHVAAD9NKvFt | anc9ej | {
"description": "suing my best friend when he shut down our business he built",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Suing My Best Friend When He Shut Down Our Business He Built? | 2015
Best friend approaches me, asks if I’d invest in his idea (a skincare business). He needs money, an advisor, and was attracted to my 15+ years of business experience and history of building 7-figure businesses. I agree, and fund the company.
2016
Best friend agreed to have 10 products by end of year. He produces maybe 2 products, but they are just white label (someone else’s product, our brand label). He adds our products to Amazon, sales start coming in. I build us a website, which he begged for then hated once finished.
2017
Best friend hires web developer, micro manages him on a tiny budget, developer quits / gets fired (can’t recall which). He hires a 2nd web developer, who over promises and under delivers. I introduce best friend to another friend of mine who is a web developer. Best friend once again micro manages, I take control and proceed to finish new site. Best friend is again not happy with results. I have same web dev friend start managing Google Adwords, best friend accuses me of nepotism. Best friend develops 3 more products.
Best friend falls on hard times financially, I offer him a salary, he refuses. Accuses me of hiding/stealing money, is proven wrong once he sees the money was spent on Google AdWords. During next two weeks I hear about best friend defaming me to mutual social circle, claiming he deserves a salary and that I won’t give it to him. He asks for salary again over dinner. We were not yet profitable, but 2-4 months from being in the black. I’m fed up with the slander, so I recant my original salary offer unless he cures the slander. He doesn’t.
2018
Best friend “checks out” of our business, cites not wanting to be partners with me as his primary reason. Best friend begins taking 50% of income as dividend payments, in the form of cash at the bank teller window, without my consent. I withdraw my original principal, to make myself whole. I find that I cannot withdraw a matching amount to best friend because he took 50% of income, but did not deduct expenses. I am stuck with expenses.
Time goes by, best friend continues to take income but not pay expenses, sticking me with them. I drain account with electronic transfer with note “cash reserve for expenses.” Best friend calls me, states he needs money for food and rent, allows me to communicate we need it for expenses. I put money back so he can withdraw, he does.
Weeks go by, best friend removes my access from Amazon account and Facebook account. I notice and suspend his access from anything I could think of. Amazon account had control of 6-figures of inventory. He diverts Amazon account proceeds to his personal checking account, sends “my half” to it so I can withdraw. I engage a mediation firm instead of filing a lawsuit. Best friend attends, signs agreement to send my half.
2019
“My half” stops coming in. Best friend owes me thousands in personal expenses, thousands he overpaid himself in 2018, and everything he has not paid me. I contact best friend and we agree that he will send me “my half” of the remaining inventory. He never sends it. Total damages thus far $20k + 50% of remaining inventory.
Now
My emails go unanswered. My payments have stopped coming, proceeds continue to go to his personal checking account, he refuses to pay our CPA thousands owed to them for tax prep.
AITA for suing him and possibly also pursuing him criminally after all of this? He built the company, handled sales, customer support, etc then once successful claimed he “made a bad deal” and squashed my investment. He won’t let me buy him out, he won’t buy me out, and he won’t agree to sell to a third party and split the proceeds. He just wants to kill the company and leave a scorched earth. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OHZt3kjklZwiT6yPYcDZWl02Ydhr3JKC | an3l2f | {
"description": "telling my spouse that girls belong in the GIRL Scouts and boys belong in the BOY Scouts",
"pronormative_score": 40,
"contranormative_score": 86
} | AITA for telling my spouse that girls belong in the GIRL Scouts and boys belong in the BOY Scouts? | M(49) military veteran reared in the south asked my spouse F(35) reared in upstate NY her thoughts on the recent ruling that girls could participate in the boy scouts. For clarification purposes, she was in the girl scouts. I was not in the boy scouts. I tried to explain to her last night after hearing the news of girls being allowed in the boy scouts that I no longer feel comfortable encouraging our young son to participate in the boy scouts now that girls are allowed in the boy scouts. It seems like common sense to me. Girls go in the girl scouts, boys go in the boy scouts... hence the name GIRL scouts and BOY scouts. Her explanation was that she quit the girl scouts because they didn't do cool stuff like the boy scouts and she feels as if girls should be allowed into the boy scouts. I explained to her that the coolness factor she spoke of was merely her perception as a bit of a tomboy as a youngster. In addition, while yes it is pretty cool to become an eagle scout, this coolness factor needed to be addressed in the higher management of the girl scouts and not just solved by blurring lines and pushing the girls that want to do cooler stuff into an organization that is already taxed by other recent changes and guidelines that are due to affect boy scout membership in a not so positive light. She assures me that my thinking is outdated and antiquated and that boys these days don't care if girls are in the girl scouts. I, on the other hand, view it as a matter of principle. I love my spouse dearly and am trying hard to understand her point of view simply because we she be a united front, but I just am having an extremely difficult time getting past this very basic premise. I would truly appreciate views from males and females of all ages with or without experience in the girl and boys scouts and will take all opinions under advisement, because as of the time of this posting, I'm still salty about our difference of opinion. I'm feeling like a bit of a fossil over here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 86,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 40,
"WRONG": 86
} | WRONG |
nN1vQYjeMIWxZBZSjtZHQv8RcsJFhm9p | 9ux67w | null | AITA - overnight aide making noise | So I just discovered this sub tonight and literally just had this experience and was feeling conflicted about it. Perfect! Wondering if y’all could weigh in.
My dad is on hospice care and tonight is our first night with an overnight aide. She’s sitting in an adjacent room and expected to stay up to help him adjust, go to the bathroom, administer meds, etc. We have her close by because he can’t speak very loudly and we want her to hear him if he wakes up and needs something.
I’m awake upstairs (door cracked) and I can hear the clips she’s watching on her phone which would be totally fine but it’s like some crazy screaming music lol. It’s relatively quiet but the frequency this lady is singing at is traveling all the way up to my room so I’m worried about it keeping my dad up.
I just went downstairs and asked her to turn it down a bit & offered a pair of headphones. I don’t feel like an asshole? Except I’m not sure how these aides usually work and I totally understand that it sucks to stay up all night waiting/hoping your patient doesn’t wake up. Also it seems like she turned it all the way off and I didn’t mean to take her entertainment away, just for her to turn down the volume a bit.
Any insight?? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
olymNooThhUQBuJOiSQ0zPzoRiGcDP6b | b6a2ms | {
"description": "not using my sister as my realtor when she only got her license 6-8 mos. ago and husband and I have been working with our realtor for many years",
"pronormative_score": 69,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not using my sister as my realtor when she only got her license 6-8 mos. ago and husband and I have been working with our realtor for many years? | We planned to sell our house and our realtor is a long time friend who came to our home and helped us stage it to sell and introduced us to several builders. Our realtor has many high end clients and gave us a price point that we could likely sell our house for. My sister's price point was about $15,000 to $20,000 less but that she would not charge us a realtor fee. She said it's an unwritten law that if you have a realtor in your family you HAVE to use them. I told her we are going to use our realtor and she blew up at me and won't speak to me. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 56,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 69,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
TeUdHSxEwONK8mQS71b3mgFSc2I7N8O6 | aoh560 | {
"description": "being frustrated with my so over lack of sleep",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Being Frustrated With my SO Over Lack of Sleep? | Long story short, I work a job with regular hours and my SO works a job with rotating shifts. Sometimes they get off work at 7am, 7pm, 11pm, etc. This is only an issue because we live together. I wake up at 6am every day for work, so it's important that I go to bed early and get quality sleep. Most of the time it's great, but sometimes our differing schedules make life hard.
The issues tend to arise when my SO gets home after 11pm. We're happy to see each other of course, but then I try to sleep ASAP. This usually means I stay up later than I should, but I typically don't mind.
My SO gets restless and has nights where they squirm a lot. Most recently, this happened around 4am and I wasn't able to go back to sleep. Needless to say, I was frustrated that I had to look forward to spending a whole day at work while exhausted. Equally frustrating is the fact that I know my SO can sleep as long as they want after I leave. What makes it worse in my mind is that my SO chalks it up to me just being a light sleeper.
Now, I am not mad about the behavior. Everyone has restless nights. However, my SO seemed surprised that I was so frustrated about being kept awake before I had to go to work. They issued a half-hearted apology, but I still feel like they don't get it. This just makes me wonder, AITA for being frustrated? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
YPYae1oEZXxybimeVS5KZlT7z89qkUf3 | az5e3t | {
"description": "asking a customer to order online because we can't understand her over the phone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking a customer to order online because we can't understand her over the phone? | (IDK if it's against the rules but technically my manager did this, not me. So the question is am I the asshole for thinking he's in the right, but that's a little wordy for a title)
​
So I work at a fast-casual restaurant chain and we have a frequent "problem" customer named Mary\*. Most of us have a story about her being rude/yelling/threatening us. She likes to do the 'talk to the manager' thing, even to the actual managers, so she's always contacting corporate somehow and complaining about things like mistakes in her order. Our chain takes 'the customer is always right' as basically our bible so no one has ever said a negative word to her or had an attitude or anything (they'd be fired without a second thought, it's happened before). Mary also happens to be Indian, and while I've always been able to understand her face-to-face with a little effort, it's apparently more difficult on the phone when you can't also read lips and anticipate what she's going to say.
​
My manager, Isaac\*, who is new to the store, took a phone call from her and asked her to order online because he was having a hard time understanding what she was saying (I don't know the exact words used, obviously if he had an attitude about it he's TA, but from my perspective he's a really nice, earnest guy). She was offended by this, and there was a further misunderstanding where she said "I'm never coming back, (something else I forget)" and Isaac said "Good-" and before he could finish trying to respond to the second thing she said, she interrupted, thinking he was addressing her 'never coming back' (I wish). She started screaming, demanding his full name, manager, etc, the usual.
​
Apparently she also contacted corporate and HR and is filing a formal discrimination complaint against him, plus she's threatening to actually sue. Technically we're supposed to try to direct customers to do online orders anyway since we have bare minimum staff and don't have the time to constantly be on the phone punching in people's credit card numbers longhand- but we're supposed to take it if they insist. Plus, what was he even supposed to do? Pretend he could understand her and give her the wrong order and let her unleash the beast again? HOWEVER I do understand her perspective and would probably also be upset if I felt like I was missing out on something other people could do because of something I can't control, like my country of origin. Especially if I went to the trouble of learning an entire second language only to be basically told that I shouldn't have bothered because it isn't good enough to be understood. Still, I can't help but feel like she's punching down and with her past history of berating us, I see her as being in the wrong here- but I'm biased, so that's why I'm asking.
Am I the asshole for thinking Mary is overreacting and Isaac is in the right?
\*names slightly changed since it feels unprofessional to not do that | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
kej5dtroBszLpkTAc0Tn5DuKmSNRdpDn | axy7ec | {
"description": "wanting to use a surrogate",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for wanting to use a surrogate? | I see nothing but positives for using a surrogate but my girlfriend can't see it
1. More control over the pregnancy; I won't have to hope and pray my girlfriend is doing things correctly I can just pay someone and make them sign a contract and legally force them to follow instructions such as diet related things etc
2. Girlfriend won't have to have a body changing pregnancy
3. IVF to choose the gender since we only want sons anyway
Cost is not an issue. the other day this was brought up around her mom and her mom got all up in arms and calling me every name in the book I really don't get what the issue is | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
Nu2ioQjERsmdMUkoRDF6bn9NGij83sBG | a987eq | {
"description": "calling my friend \"Pathetic\"and a \"Loser\" after his Wife CHEATED on him",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for calling my friend "Pathetic"and a "Loser" after his Wife CHEATED on Him? | Some backstory.
I've been friends with this person (let's call him Jim) since we were kids and he comes from a very wealthy family, he's not a douche about it either, Jim has always been a meek person.
About 6 years ago, he met this girl (let's call her Evil Bitch, EB for short) We were shocked at first that he was dating this girl, Jim isn't the best looking guy, he would agree with that, she would be a solid 10/10 if it wasn't for her shit personality.
Everybody in our friend group saw through her immediately "She's only with him for his money" but he seemed happy, so we were happy for him, at first she seemed nice, charming,smart and genuinely into Jim, so I felt I was wrong about her intentions and felt bad about judging her so quickly.
2 years go by and they're happily married. That's when everything changed, almost in an instant she was mean, she would talk down to you, belittle you, make fun of you constantly, make fun of Jim behind his back, she said to one of our friends "Jim has a little dick" We were shocked, this seemed so unlike her.
Jim also changed, he was meek but once he got out of his shell, he was one the funniest people I've ever known. Not anymore, he seem depressed, lonely. We tried talking to him about EB, maybe she wasn't the one for him, but he wouldn't listen "She's great" "She's the best thing to ever happen to me" etc.
The last 4 years has been this, and recently he found out she has been cheating on him SINCE THEY GOT TOGETHER! apparently he walked in on them, she admitted to cheating this whole time, she said she won't stop and for him to just deal with it. WTF!?!?!
I almost couldn't believe it when he told us. We tried to get him to divorce her ass, but he wouldn't and for 2 weeks we tried to convince him, I was pissed at her for cheating and pissed at him for not leaving.
Until one day after talking to him I snapped. He said something about him feeling better about this whole situation.
I said "Why don't you stop being a fucking loser and just divorce this WHORE!, the fuck is wrong with you!?!? You're being PATHETIC! why won't you get it through your thick skull that she is only with you for your money and NOTHING ELSE!"
I went on a little longer but I won't type the rest. He left without saying a word. I tried being to "supportive friend" I handled it with kid gloves at first but I couldn't any longer. He NEEDED to hear this. Half of our friend group said he needed tough love and the other half said I went too far.
Now I want all of you to give your opinion. AITA?
TLDR: Friend won't divorce his wife after she cheated, and I went on a rant and proceeded to call him a loser and pathetic. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
GwmMJB9vxJoPZXo1ETXmb5oE1ZnLq8gt | 9z4vri | {
"description": "not replying back to a former friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I don't reply back to a former friend? | About a year ago, I stopped responding to a former friend of mine.
We had been friends for about 4 or 5 months and one of the first friends I made moving to a new city. We hung out pretty frequently and we would go out for drinks on the occasion. For a little bit, I considered him a really good friend.
Things started to turn when he started drinking though. When he started drinking, he wouldn't stop. And then, he would start verbally insulting my friends and me and getting a little belligerent. He never became physically abusive, but he would have a bad attitude and start making inappropriate comments or jokes.
At first it wasn't a big deal because we didn't drink often, and I figured that it would change. But it didn't. Some of the insults became worse too, and he would make me feel depressed or anxious because of the things he would say. My friends didn't like it either, and we eventually wanted to distance ourselves from him.
On top of that, too, my girlfriend really didn't like him either. She read the things he would text me and told me to stop responding to him. And the more I thought about it, I agreed with her. I didn't think he was a good influence in my life.
So I stopped responding to him, and he quickly realized what was going on. He went on apologizing and saying he had quit drinking and was a changed person. I didn't believe it though. He would sometimes message me over different forms of social media and make comments that were derogatory and insulting, and then next day apologize for the comments.
Despite all this, I feel bad because I think he really does need help and I think he needs emotional support. But, I don't think I have the time or the patience to deal with it.
Am I the asshole for not replying back? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
302GxbaBbdvlMvCfzC2oLXO9r4FQZpQG | adzr34 | {
"description": "telling this lady to grab her kid",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling this lady to grab her kid? | Hi,
I live in New YorK, I also use the gross, unclean, unreliable yet convenient subway system.
I was just in the train station going down an escalator and this woman is in front of me with her kid, No older than 4 or 5. The moment we step onto the escalator her kid starts licking the wall of the escalator. Like full tongue licks! I tap her and say "Your son is licking the escalator. You should grab him." She looks at me like I'm crazy, scoffs under her breath, looks at him for a solid 10 feet of escalator, taps her son to get his attention and then pulls his arm to move him in front of her. The entire escalator ride she's looking back at me with this face of "how dare you."
These train stations, no matter how new, are swarming with germs.
Am I the asshole for telling her to get her sons tongue off of the NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY SYSTEMS ESCALATOR?!
tl;dr : womans kid licks the escalator walls and I tell her to grab him or he'll get sick. Am I the asshole?! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
6o0Khwj11otoDv6i085o6nRxUsLzCCit | 9zc8r0 | {
"description": "lying that I am \"playing it by ear\" when asked by a date for what I am looking for",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For lying that I am "playing it by ear" when asked by a date for what I am looking for (e.g. a hookup, long-term, etc)? | First, let me preface this question by saying my dating situation. I am 20 years old, but I am very career focused and mostly work and go to school at the same time. This has lead to dates around my age saying I'm too career focused and serious, and when I try to date older women (around 22-25 years old), they get hung up over the age as a number and say I am too young for them. So, the point is I don't get many opportunities to go on dates or get a lot of matches on dating apps.
​
Now to the question. Almost always I ask first what they are looking for (i.e. a hookup or a long-term, or play by ear), and all have said the "play it by ear" option. The truth is, I almost always only want a hook-up (as I am very busy this time of year), but none of them want it/want to see where things go. It may just be my college but there are very few hookup-only people in the area. So, I say I also want to "play it by ear", and then see how long I need to go till I have sex with them. In a way I am indeed playing it by ear as sometimes it takes like 2 months of talking and dates before anything happens. If I don't see anything happening initially or I got what I wanted, I usually say I am too busy or something came up, and then cease communication.
​
It is a moral question for me because I see it with pros and cons in terms of ethics:
Pros: 1. I am sorta justified by the lack of availability, so I cant be picky or completely honest or I'll have nothing. To me this is morally OK as I do believe humans are self-serving so I am just doing what my ancestors and all humans today do.
2. I am kinda playing it by ear by waiting that long to do anything, and at that point I may have developed feelings and something may have occurred or we already saw nothing was happening, and hence we actually played it by ear.
3. I'm not being manipulative or forcing a decision on their part, and so the decision to lie and the consequences are uniquely mine (i.e. I am not waiting long enough for them to develop feelings long term, and if it gets that long I usually pull out to not have that happen. Its more of a risk for me if I develop feelings)
Cons: 1. Lying. Never good really.
2. I'm sorta lowering their guard and creating false trust that I may be a potential partner or friend when I just want to have sex.
3. I may accidentally conjure self-judgement in their mind if say they want to be friends and I say no, they may feel like they did something wrong for me to be so busy I cant have friends, which to them would not make sense.
​
Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
hxVArXjuLYCbFPDvoxbgKC0fLvyAwgRo | b0eqq8 | {
"description": "messing up dinner service",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for messing up dinner service? (Cross post on r/cooking) | So, I agreed to help a local business with a dinner party. Party of 20, prime rib.
When I get to the kitchen, they have a small, organic strip loin. I expressed that the strip loin wouldn't be enough to serve 20, and was sent to the store. Picked up a half of a prime there.
Back at the kitchen, I throw both the prime and the loin in the oven. The prime rib turned out exactly as planned, the loin was overdone and dry.
AITA for not making the best out of the product I was given, or should they have supplied the proper cut of meat?
Thanks! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
dX2NljCqv3lFNfadb5n3GaKHedoqY6vW | 9zkw5r | {
"description": "telling my 92 year old Grandma her life investment is essentially worthless",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my 92 year old Grandma her life investment is essentially worthless? | Backstory: I’m 24 yr old male taking care of my grandma because I’m all the family she has. My tiny, innocent grandmother (92yr) has been taken advantage of by people on the internet many times. One of the worst and consequently final straws was about 2 years ago, when I gave her $500 to help pay for her utilities and a few other necessities for a couple months. Within a week it was gone and sent to “some nice Nigerian investors.” We never saw it again, and she had to live in a motel for a few weeks until I could figure out something else.
The reason she is so gullible on the internet is because she retired way to early. Now unfortunately she’s got nothing left & has severe scoliosis which she can’t afford treatment for. All of these scams she falls for is cause she desperate for hope.. hope that her life will get back to how it was when she was working insurance making 6 figures.
Ever since the scam where she threw away $500 she has been pretty good.
I explained as calmly, politely and sternly as I could. Unfortunately though it looks like it happened again. This time though it’s been about 20-30 years in the making. Apparently she purchased around
2 million Vietnamese dollars from some people on the internet. She thought that it would grow in value.. but also that each Vietnamese dollar was worth 3 u.s dollars. I honestly don’t know how she ever thought that made sense...
but oh well. She kept pleading with me to take her to the bank to cash in “our million dollar ticket.” Honestly though I have no idea how to even exchange currency or where exactly to do it. So instead I showed her on my phone the current exchange rate.. big mistake. I’ve never seen my tiny, innocent Grandma act so distraught. She started to break down and cry, even getting upset at me a for breaking the news to her.
I’m back home now, and I feel pretty bad. I can’t help but think there was a better way for me to handle this. She has said things that make my heart ache for her, like “I wish life could just be over” and other really depressing things. Maybe I should have let her continue to have that hope that there’s a better future on the horizon. She’s in so much pain, I know the only thing keeping her going is some sort of improvement in her life, and that’s why she is so desperate for these monetary miracles to happen. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
yAsb3GNZdX0WfSYbpu2uyDfFXkC9UJvh | b5ydor | {
"description": "being oversensitive",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being oversensitive? | Been petsitting for a guy's cat, birds, and fish. Was talking to my boyfriend in text when I walk in to find the guy's cat had knocked over the birdcage, and presumably ate both parakeets. No bodies, but lots of feathers scattered everywhere, dead-silent apartment (no chirps or flapping wings of a hiding bird)
While waiting for the owner to call me back, I texted my dude to tell him what happened. "Oh shit. I guess you're not going to watch them again."
I felt it was kind of fucked up in the moment. I just replied with a "dude, wtf." Left it at that.
​
Am I being an oversensitive asshole, or was that an asshole remark over a bad situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
n63G64x7hR38nucOIf7VaOtScY64KeKi | akdejs | {
"description": "telling my sister not to take a loan",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my sister not to take a loan? | First of all I want to apologise, I'm shit at grammar, formatting, and more or less writing in general so bear with me.
My grandfather passed away this fall and as the last of nine siblings he owned all of the family land and the farm he grew up on, it is not worth a huge amount of money but it's a fair amount and my aunts and uncle wants to sell but my father who has a great amount of emotional attachment from his childhood to it doesn't.
Dad can't afford to buy out his brother and sisters and he does not have the credit to take a loan, he also doesn't want to discuss this with his wife because he don't want her children to inherit any of this.
His solution is to ask my sister to take a loan and buy out the 75% of the inheritance he doesn't own and she wants to.
My sister has never been good with money and has just gotten a stable income so she will be debt free for the first time in her adult life (29) next month and won't be able to get a favourable loan.
She expects that dad will help more than he expects to, they refuse to talk about that with each other and dad is as bad if not worse when it comes to money.
She doesn't even know exactly how loans work and I have been trying to explain and even done mockups on how much she will have to pay each year for fictional loans that is way more favourable than anything she could get and I just know she won't be able to keep up with the payments, she have a lot of both physical and mental health problems that have for long periods of time made her unable to work, and she is far from healthy right now even if she is having a good period.
I have tried talking to them both about this and all they say is "It will be fine" or "It will work itself out"
I even tried to get my sister to talk with our mother about it but she refuses because and I quote "mom will just be angry with me"
Am I the asshole for trying to (in my mind at least) save her from financial ruin and losing the land anyway or should I just butt out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gdTT0fT7HxjLoFeOJRtRx6l9SjZCQTev | 9vs7vy | {
"description": "getting my mom evicted/kicked out on purpose",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting my mom evicted/kicked out on purpose? | I (F18) have a very shitty and narcissistic mom. nothing to dwell about, im over it. she also comes with a very shitty boyfriend. i have always lived with my grandparents, but when i was 10, they moved in with us.
when i turned 15, her boyfriend got us evicted out of a very nice and cheap home because he was selling drugs....
so we had no time to find anywhere to live tbh and it’s expensive out here so i have to share a room with my mom who is VERY messy. when i turned 16, she lost her job. when i turned 17, i started paying her rent because she didn’t want to work. i’ve been paying it ever since.
i’ve been working at the same place for a while, i make above minimum wage and i plan on going back to school(gap year from college). but i told my grandma that if my mom doesn’t get a job by February 2019, either she leaves or i leave.
my mom doesn’t want to work and hasn’t for 4 years. she does nothing all day(sometimes she’ll leave the house and smoke), doesn’t clean or anything. and i’m paying HER rent and she’s my mom.
SO BASICALLY, AITA for making my grandma chose between me and my mom, KNOWING that she’ll chose me because i actually work and help her around. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
VFx3IiQY75nouhhyxL9dwCT8sCeoCtsv | adplkz | {
"description": "blocking a girl after she started to cry when I didn't send her private information",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for blocking a girl after she started to cry when I didn't send her private information? |
So this happened a few weeks ago and this girl has just now started to text me on a number I didn't block.
So for some backstory, I am currently a Freshmen and I know this girl through school and we have only known each other for a few months (Maybe 3-4 months). It all started out with my friend giving her my number (I don't know why). She starts to text me asking to give her something to do while she waits at an airport as she is going somewhere for winter break. Me being as funny as I am. I sent her a gif of Thanos snapping to keep her busy for a while so she wouldn't bother me. A few minutes later she once again complains about being bored, so I send her a gif of Peter Parker being turned to dust. That keeps her busy for a while and she doesn't text me for the rest of the night. We talk the next day about basic shit like "Is there any homework for this class?" and stuff like that.
​
The next day it gets weird. Me being on winter break at the time I was going to sleep around 2am-ish and waking up at 1pm-ish. At 5:48 am she texts me the following (keep in mind that we have only known each other for 3-4months) "It's like 5 in the morning or whatever there and this is really weird but please don't think anything cause I was forced to do this: Are you big? Oh yeah, there was another one too: Do you actually masturbate or is it a joke?" She then texted me at 6:02 am she texts me "Sorry for those please just answer them though I gotta get the stuff." Then at 7:50 am she texts me "I'm bored, My sister is taking too long." Then the last texts I received until I woke up and texted her back was "Nevermind don't answer those forget about it I figured it out so its fine."
​
So I wake up to these texts and are bewildered by all these very weird texts, but me, being a Freshmen thinking I might get some ass, I question why she wants that info and she said: "I can't because last time I got in trouble." She then said, "I can't tell you because last time my sister over-reacted and my whole family hated me and they made me sit there kneeling on my knees pleading for three hours and I could barely stand I had to crawl around for like 4 day." I brushed it off as her not telling me the real reason, so I go ahead and tell her and she says "Meh". We continue to talk normally for the rest of the day and most of the days following.
​
Many days after this she starts to bring up if I have sexual fantasies and what are they. Another very confusing/private question. I just ignore it and she doesn't try to pry and keep asking if I do; until the next day which she keeps prying and I say "These are completely uncomfortable topics and I am not willing to answer." and she gets pretty mad, calling me a liar and other not very nice names. People might wonder why I haven't blocked her yet, but again I thought I might be getting some ass. She then gets very nosy and keeps asking once again and I threaten to block her, so I do and I thought that was the end of it. Multiple days later, after winter break, she starts texting me on a number I have not blocked and keeps asking about it. So I almost instantly block her number. Later that week during school I see her crying and all the private info during that conversation got leaked, so I started to tell people what she had asked and everything she had done and once again today I saw her crying.
​
AITA for making her cry after I didn't give her private info?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nfNVPd8LMhAy9mn0Ss5a3GCNyUg9LVsx | aiqq33 | {
"description": "not wanting to pay towards the birthday gift",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to pay towards the birthday gift? | So for a bit of backstory, I have a friend, let's call her D, who I have known since high school. We used to be quite close but haven't really spoke recently due to D making some extremely rude comments to both my girlfriend and sister (We're all from the same hometown) around 6 months ago.
Anyway Me and D go to the same university and when we were friends I introduced her to my housemates who she is now friends with. D decided to have a last minute party last saturday which my house was invited to. I against my better judgement decided to let go of the past and attend.
On Saturday morning one housemate posted on our group chat that he was going to the shops to buy D's birthday present, which I thought nothing of. I was out of town on Saturday morning but arrived back on Saturday evening. When I arrived back the housemate said he'd gotten a card for D from the house, which they had all signed and to sign it too.
Anyway the party was a bit of a disaster, with D making numerous snide comments about my girlfriend which very nearly made me leave.
Anyway the next day my housemate messaged the group chat asking for $30 each for D's present and card. I was quite shocked and messaged back refusing to pay, given that at no point had I agreed to a joint present ( I don't even know what he bought) and that as a broke college student I would not have agreed to spend that much. If me and D were getting along i probably would just let it slide but no way was I paying $30 on a present for her. His argument was that I signed the card and didn't say anything on the group beforehand when he said he was getting D's present.
So Reddit AITA for refusing to pay? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
32NpOX3O6i0V03VOHeYmpcwbT7uUxe8y | b8qdvb | {
"description": "telling off a sales person",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling off a sales person? | I got a text message this morning from a number I did not recognize, and it was letting me know that they had a missed call from me. He said he was an internet sales manager at a Hyundai dealership in a town three hours away. When I checked my call log on my phone, I hadn’t made a call since yesterday. When I explained that to this guy, he said this:
“Ok well thank you for responding. Names (edited). If you happen to be in the market, or know anyone who is, for a vehicle send them my way. If they purchase I'll pay you 500$”.
I immediately figured this was a sales tactic, and told them off politely by saying that it was a greasy tactic, and that they would definitely not be getting my business, even if I was in the market.
They responded with this:
“Lol are you serious? You called me? No sales tactic just taking advantage of a missed call by you”
And then:
“As you can see you dialed me. If I had the technical know how how to forge screen shots like that I wouldnt be selling cars lol. “
He also texted a screenshot of his missed called and my number is at the top of the list, among other numbers from the day before.
I don’t know how often phone glitches happen...but it seems fishy to me.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZsARhq7gpASoQpLUqFMQU3M8HLhnfMqu | b1vntc | {
"description": "hating playing with an autistic kid",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA because I hated playing with an autistic kid? | When I was little, I befriended a kid with autism. We had a lot of the same interests, superheroes, nerf, Lego and bionicles, and we liked video games. He was and is a nice kid. We're still friends 13 or 14 years later.
I didn't mind playing most games with him. However, video games with him were the worst. If he didn't pull the "you watch me play single player the whole time" thing, he would get really mad and upset any time I beat him. He would rage about how his controller was broken, how my character was OP, how his half of the screen was glitching, etc. Even when I would let him switch controllers, characters, maps, even letting him be player one, if I still beat him, it was anyone's fault but his. Then he would say it was a stupid game and he didn't wanna play it anymore.
Of course, as he got older he stopped doing that, but at the time as a kid, I really did not look forward to gaming with him. Did this make me a bad person? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
bbNLQqjerCcACjpJn6TMT0ExGgScMy5B | 9vjm79 | {
"description": "ending a relationship/conspiring to cheat because she wouldn't have sex",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for ending a relationship/conspiring to cheat because she wouldn't have sex? | I was in a relationship for three years until I couldn't take it anymore and almost thought about cheating on her because she wouldn't have sex.
We made out a lot, had a lot of fun and was probably the best relationship I've ever had but the lack of sex was frustrating and she was very evasive everytime I'd try to talks about it.
I broke with her but we still talk and she's still very salty about it tells me how I could do anything for sex but it was such a catch because she wouldn't let me have sex with her and I couldn't go out and cheat on her (which I have considered tbh).
I do feel like a jerk for doing this to her since I do think I love her but the other option would have been to cheat ( which I was conspiring to do as well).
I don't understand how I'm to be judged for this.
I've practically begged and cried for sex and if makes me feel pretty bad about myself. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
WS8Wfu3gKaOTZ3cCPipoO0Z3FuKGK7IP | 9tvpbs | {
"description": "wanting to live in another country",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to live in another country | I have a 5 year old who does not live with me, me and his mom are not married, and I see my child every Friday (every other weekend stays the entire weekend with me) I am on decent terms with mom but we never talk unless it’s about said child.
I am currently dating a woman who lives in Brazil and I am in the U.S. I want to go learn Portuguese in Brazil so I can actually communicate with her family. I want to move there for at least a month and at most a year so I can learn, enjoy the new culture, and spend time with the woman I love. I know I have a responsibility to my child, so am I the asshole for wanting to take that time away? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nTEczTKwJIOhGbW5Y3Pm0lKDEZTeUPPE | b63dj4 | {
"description": "getting mad at my classmates",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at my classmates? | Okay, so for our final project for our Music class, we have to do a production of a musical. We were given at least 2 or 3 months for preparation (basically perform songs from the musical until it lasts around 50 minutes) but for the first 3 weeks we bullshitted the practices until our Music teacher got mad at us. We only practiced one song for 3 weeks (it was performed by the whole class) so we wasted so much time on the vocals until I told them to get their shit together and practice the choreography already.
From there, it started to get better until this Monday, they didn't want to sing the class song (the one we practiced for 3 weeks) because "they didn't know how to sing it." We practiced vocals for at least 2 weeks. Now, our performance is on Friday, which is in 2-3 days, and we still don't have a choreo for the last song. We keep on practicing "vocals" (we've been practicing just that for a week) and we don't have a choreo for it yet. The lead singers are so god awful because they aren't taking it seriously. I'm part of the main cast, and honestly, it feels like I'm the only one who's exerting effort.
A lot of the main cast and the ensemble are just on their phones, not participating until you shout or get mad at them, but when you do get mad at them, they get mad at YOU. I got so stressed and shouted at them, saying things like "What do you guys even want to happen?" and "Why the fuck isn't everyone cooperating?" and "At this rate, we won't even produce a good show."
One of my classmates got mad at me and told me I was being "too negative" because I kept on getting mad at them, but honestly, we don't have a song finished yet and it's our ending song and it's on Friday. But now, my class is turning on me and started to talk behind my back for being "too controlling" or being "too pessimistic." When I direct (I shouldn't even direct, we just don't have a leader because no one wants to step up), they don't listen to me and just make fun of what I'm saying. At this point, I'm not even sure if I'm the bad guy or if I'm being too controlling. I shout at them because it's the only way of getting something done, because they won't listen to you if you speak in a normal voice.
They spread shit about me being an asshole, and I just want to know if it's an ass move to shout at them in this situation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
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