id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
6EZ6XMhOO0Z6E1fvR711KHaBOliKiNUM | amiuvk | {
"description": "not having the house clean when my wife got home",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 83
} | AITA for not having the house clean when my wife got home? | My wife just went away for a week. It was the first time she's gone say without arranging "extra help" for me so I could take care of the duties of 2 people.
We have two kids (5 and 7) who are great, but very messy. I struggled during the week to clean up after them, on top of laundry, dishes, pick ups and drop offs, extra curriculars, and spending time with my kids on top of that.
My wife is mad because she came home to a messy house. She nit picked because there were dishes in the sink, dirty laundry, messes from some activities with the kids, and the trash wasn't taken out. I told her I got our kids through the week alive and happy so she should be happy and now we can take care of the leftover mess together, but she's pissed because when I go away, she gets pretty much everything done. I told her we are different people with different thresholds and just because she can do it doesn't mean I can. She told me I should've made the kids help with the housework if it's too much for me, but I think that would've taken away from our fun week together. AITA for wanting a fun week with my kids, even though I let the chores slide a bit? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 82,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 83
} | WRONG |
xKLjtnyyVkyVTpzezvnhMaPefOOoVUhM | b4bhpj | {
"description": "telling my ex that I recognised some bad mistakes I did and telling her I'm sorry",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA For telling my ex that i recognised some bad mistakes i did and telling her i'm sorry ? | First of all little background, i broke up with my ex gf a few months ago in a very adult way. We talked it out and dont hate us. From time to time we text a bit casually, a bit small talk usually.
I'm completly over the relationship and i dont want to win her back.
A week ago i apologised for destroying our sex life with an unhealty relationship to porn and masturbation. Today we texted a bit casually and it went to the topic sex which we both are open with. In our relationship it i refused to eat her you know what and i apologised for it, because i knew it hurt her in the past and i thought it would be okay.
A bit paraphrasing "I know i denied eating you out and that it hurt you. I learned that it is completly normal to do things to pleasure the partner even i dont really like it. Better i learn it late then never."
​
She told me my apology really hurt her and i was really confused why.
She told me that it hurts her when i tell her about things which i realised that i f\*cked up in our relationship and apologise for it.
Then we agreed to keep our contact about the youth group we are both part of.
​
AITA for apologising for things that i f\*cked up or am i too stupid to get something ?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
l6vAquZXCFtObqlCNRIpugxBcERbLLuF | amizpj | {
"description": "pulling a taken chair and coat near me to ensure it isn't grabbed",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pulling a taken chair and coat near me to ensure it isn't grabbed? | Ok, so context: As of writing this, I am currently attending the Bon Jovi Experience with my mum in a relatively popular pub (at the halfway break right now) and she went to the toilet for a bit, leaving her coat on the seat. I instinctively pull the chair towards me so that it and the coat are in contact with my leg so that I'll immediately know if they are moved.
The woman standing directly next to us looked at me, noticing this action and gave me a kind of forced smile, but I feel like I may have offended her and made it seems that I think she's a potential thief. This, however, is a natural reaction for me since I have been suffering from anxiety for at least 5 years, which is why I'm not here (or anywhere) without someone I trust (the other being that she was the one who wanted to see them)
AITA for jumping to conclusions and being overly cautious even though this stranger has given me no reason to be labelled a thief? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
shn3t2V6zCsGHQkTtxtJ4PQdYhIRY68n | a6vobd | null | AITA? Husband left gun down, son got ahold of it and thank god safty was on. | Long time lurker. Created user name to post. Fuck. Where do I begin. Title says most of it. Husband and I are gun owners. I keep everything in our safe,(my pistol, shotgun, and AR) except my husband keeps a pistol out for “protection”. He left it in a drawer. I never approved it being out, as the normal and agreed place was hall closet on the top shelf. But the night stand where my kids hide toys? It’s as if he is fucking not thinking and has no idea what a 2&3 year old are capable of. I did not know it was in the nightstand and went to the restroom. Walked into my 2 year old holding the gun and pulling the trigger with the barrel towards himself(it’s a .45. It’d kill him.) thank fucking god the safety was on.
I came out angry and screaming at my husband for leaving it within arms reach. He said he forgot he left it there overnight. But it isn’t the agreed upon spot, (7 feet upon a shelf) and I told him I am locking everything up now. Indefinitely. Likely to get rid of a lot.
If you can’t be responsible, you don’t deserve the gun. That’s my viewpoint. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 64,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 64,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
dLU62qDl1Q82iod1o9KucVAf3IMyVcjC | agkplg | {
"description": "asking my husband to stay away from a co-worker",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for asking my husband to stay away from a co-worker? | My husband and I have been married for almost a year. We both have friends of both genders and we don't share all the same friends. I trust him and we have no major problems in our relationship. The other day, we were watching a video on his phone and he got a facebook friend request from a girl (I'll call her Sally) who I happen to know.
Before I met my husband 5 years ago, the guy I was engaged to before him cheated on me--WITH SALLY. I know it wasn't just her fault, since it takes two to tango, but she knew of me and knew full well that we were engaged and carried on a months-long fling with him anyway. Apparently now, Sally tangentially works with my husband--i.e. he works at a place, and she works security at that place, so they work at the same place but are not co-workers.
So, I told him what happened with Sally in the past (since he knows I was engaged before I met him and that it ended due to cheating) and asked him to delete the friend request and stay away from her. I've never asked a partner to do anything like that before, because normally I don't care who he is friends with, but now I'm concerned. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
PBVB3em1UpB3mxI984aWNtRmBlG6VPLA | 9yay79 | {
"description": "asking to return a gift",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I asked to return a gift? | My friends got me a coat for Christmas that I don't really like. They all chipped in some money and gave me the gift and I really do appreciate the gesture, but the present isn't really my style and so I don't think I would wear it.
I've seen in TV and films that people sometimes they ask to return or exchange presents but I've never seen anyone do it in real life. Would it be really rude? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ewFL1cn1f3NKQOt90uuOyl473ugJOP1P | a61ljy | {
"description": "wearing the american flag",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wearing the American flag? | Background info: I am in high school and on the swim team. On days of home meets, we have a theme that we dress up for. Today’s was America.
For this theme, I brought the flag I normally hang in my room and wore it as a cape. Now I understand that flag code says not to wear it as clothing etc. but as we know, flag code is not actual law and enforcing it would be a violation of the 1st amendment.
Before the meet started, my coach let us know that multiple teachers emailed him complaining about the incident, and that next time we should be more careful with this kind of stuff because of its controversy. However, none of them addressed my teammate who wore a MAGA hat, which is arguably more controversial. Especially in the student body.
My engineering teacher, who served in the U.S armed forces and saw combat, was completely fine with it and actually gave me advice on how I should wear it.
My classmates and students in the hall thought it was pretty cool and patriotic. I did get the occasional “you know the flag code says...”, however in a joking manner.
I’m not sure how my other teachers felt as they didn’t comment on it, but my science teacher, on the other hand, reacted in the exact opposite way from my engineering teacher. She yelled at me about how I was “being extremely disrespectful towards the flag” and followed me around class, pointing at me whenever the flag was “about to touch the floor.”
I personally think the other teachers were overreacting. I did not do anything to blatantly insult the flag, still took care of it and made sure it never touched the ground, etc. Because my robotics teacher has the strongest connection with the flag and was still cool with it, I think the other teachers shouldn’t feel as strongly about what is, at the end of the day, a piece of cloth and at most a symbol. I don’t think I should have my 1st amendment rights silenced because I honored the flag in a different way than normal.
Who is right in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
a2oWWBDFlz1hxVUFat8AjBAnpG3v5P2Y | b35nhx | {
"description": "telling my friend the truth",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friend the Truth? | Recently my friend asked me if this guy likes her. So I went to ask him (because me and him are friends) and he says the dreaded line, " I mean, she's cute and cool, but I see her more as a friend" . I proceed to have a battle inside of me if to tell her the truth or to lie or to kinda be vague. Finally earlier today I told her the truth. And I get a call from her Mom to not talk to her anymore saying I triggered her to have a anxiety attack. Please decide my date redditors. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mhpWGqlpQDiAYn4PW3URAYiLTqJ2VVub | agnwsn | {
"description": "asking for 20 mil gil in FFXIV",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking for 20 mil gil in FFXIV | This is kind of my first actual post so forgive me if the formatting is bad or long, thank you
Backstory: My friend and I have been playing since 2.1 and made a Free Company (Guild for those who don't play Ffxiv). I was the resident crafter and I guess the money maker in the FC. The majority of the FC consisted of just about a light party's worth of people (4 or 5) our IRL friends mostly. I was a generous dude giving a few thousand or mil gil to them when they needed it since they didn't wanna level crafting, I didn't really care and still don't since it was forever ago.
Fast forward to Stormblood, the current expansion. We wanna to save our money for a shirogane house when they were released. They saved a bit but I was the majority of the money. We met another group, similar size and play times. Overall awesome dudes. We decided to merge our Free Companies into one so we could A.) Finally make a static, and B.) Merge our saved up money and buy the best mansion for sale. We would enjoy 6 to 9 months worth of playing together before we all mostly went offline for awhile due to content dry spell. During that time I stayed online a bit to craft and garden and such.
During this time, my friend and I who founded the original FC went thru a huge fight. The fight was serious enough to break the entirety of our friendship making our side of the group a little wack. Without going into too much detail he just showed how shitty a person and friend he was. I kicked him from the FC without a second thought. This person has mooched off me for most of my life in game and out and I didn't want another second with to go by with him. Also informed our side of the group since the others went afk and couldn't really reach them.
My computer would later get fried and I was offline for a bit myself, about 2 months. After I returned I saw they returned and they also had inherited the FC Leader rank since it transfer after 35 days of being offline. It was tossed around a lot, no one seemed to care. After I return I inform them about what happened. Later they would reinvite my friend and put us in special powerless ranks till this was sorted out. I told them that this wasn't negotiable and that he was not allowed back. They didn't care about what I said and believed this was a load of needless drama. I stated my side and he stated his but they got two different stories. I told them simply I can't be with him any longer and also informed them he was even planning to keep the FC in it's entirety since they were offline for a long time. Which is true but from what I gather he had stated other things. I've invested a decent deal of no life time into the house and the money I spent on the house (20 mil). Basically the entire half of my groups payment for the house. I told them there isn't a middle ground, I can't be with him another second and don't plan on talking to him again. The current FC Leader and I fought over several things and was closer to my now ex friend. I told him since I spent a lot and crafted a lot for the house I felt it was fair to be reimbursed 20 mil which is still less than what I put in since I was the only crafter I did a lot for the house. He agreed and gave me 6 mil at the time and asked if I'd give them a couple days to sell things, I agreed. I also asked for several items I had in the house storage, they agreed to this also.
Fast forward to present, I never received a dime since the first payment and never got my items since I was kicked. I asked again and was told I was being an entitled asshole who is "barking up the wrong tree for fake pixelmoney" this was the last message I received about this matter.
Am I the asshole despite them agreeing to it prior and even giving me, essentially, a down payment? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2uzK2m6kvur1el5XfH4iZqmFuAD16oCO | aizw5c | {
"description": "snarking back at a disabled man",
"pronormative_score": 54,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for snarking back at a disabled man? | This happened yesterday.
I was outside after finding out I had failed a test (by *0.7 %* btw, fucking organic chem!!). I was pretty frustrated and disappointed. Basically not in a good mood.
A man approached us, he was in a wheelchair and was using crutches to propel himself. There was a slight incline, but he seemed to be fine, so we just continued bitching to each other.
As he passed us, he said "thanks for the help, guys", in a really obnoxious tone.
So I turned around and said "you didn't ask, we aren't mind readers" in an equally obnoxious tone.
When I turned back around to my friends, they looked horrified. They said I was really rude. My tone was rude, and I do feel bad about that.
I stand by what I said, though. I wish I had said it differently, but I think it's pretty rude to assume people didn't help you out of malice, and to try to make them feel bad about it. I don't view differently abled people as broken. I never assume they need help unless they're obviously struggling, and I always ask first.
If someone asks me for help, regardless of their ability, I'll help if I can.
I do understand his frustration, too. But if he was struggling, he should have asked instead of being a dick.
For context, I also have a minor disability, and a mood disorder. I know how frustrating it can be, but I also know that people won't know I need help unless I ask them. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 53,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 54,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
CXzodfzh4dZ00MHbEYbPblo1ijEJ8Uun | a45gec | {
"description": "wanting fans to be turned off",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting fans to be turned off? | Some background info: I’m 18 in HS so I still live with my parents. Most repeating noises bug me, but I’ve had tinnitus for a long time, I’m used to ignoring sounds even though they irritate me. I just don’t like having to deal with them if they can go away.
——
My older brother used to be in his room(directly adjacent to mine) all the time on his laptop. Some months ago he moved a computer outside of his room into the living room, so now he’s constantly on the computer there. The ceiling fan in that room when turned on to any setting other than the lowest one(which is still rather powerful) makes a loud constant ticking noise that can be heard around the entire house. It does this because years ago he kicked a soccer ball at it and my parents never bothered to get it fixed.
It pissed me off especially since it was on constantly for hours on end. I’d usually be in my room with earbuds in for all those hours. This made my ears ache and the ringing in my ears worse, so I started to turn the fan off(it’s not even hot upstairs and he would have on a comforter when sitting at the computer so I never understood?) so I wouldn’t have to block it out with music through my earbuds. My brother would always immediately turn the fan back on. I finally brought the issue up with my parents, but they never did anything until I non-stop complained about it for weeks. Bratty of me, I know. Finally my dad told my brother to keep it on the lowest setting so it wouldn’t tick and also because he didn’t understand why my brother had it on while also wearing a blanket.
Fast forward to now it’s winter and freezing everywhere in the house, especially my room which is the coldest. My brother still has the fan on and on top of that even moved a sitting fan in there as well which, as those fans do, has a constant ‘static noise’ for the lack of a better term. Once again the sound really annoys me. I brought it up my mom today because I had a minor freak out when I noticed my brother had a space heater(really loud too, I can hear it in my room)turned on along with the fans.
She got angry at me and said that when my dad gets home we’ll all have a talk about this. I have a feeling I’m not going to win this argument, and while I feel justified in my anger and my position, and friends agree with me, I don’t know if I’m being a dick about this. I’m just tired of my ears constantly hurting when the solution won’t harm anyone or cause any problems.
Sorry for the awkward story telling, I have a hard time to putting all my thoughts into words. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OtnC7Mcr5egSEgydZyorUADCFR1eLB09 | ayz3cv | {
"description": "reselling tickets to my gf at a higher price",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA if I resell tickets to my gf at a higher price? | So my gf really wanted to see this popular band and their tickets are really expensive and hard to get (I’m talking thousands in resale if you grabbed floor seat tickets).
Their tickets went on sale today and she was at work so she couldn’t access a computer. She never asked me to grab the tickets for her when it went on sale btw, so I texted her and asked if she wanted me to buy tickets for her. She said that I should try to grab tickets and resell them if she ended up not being able to afford them. I know reselling it won’t be a problem so I went ahead with the plan.
I was able to hop on and grab the tickets within thirty minutes and I got floor seating!! Again, it’s rare to get floor seating at this band’s concert. I texted my gf and showed her that I got floor seating to the concert (I was only able to grab one ticket because there weren’t any two seats next to each other). After the service charge and everything, the ticket came out to $300. She was super excited but after seeing the price, she said she couldn’t afford it. We aren’t at the point in our relationship to give each other such expensive presents yet (only been dating for a month) so I let her know I’d be selling it. I posted on a couple FB groups hours later and immediately got responses and offers at least double the amount I original paid for (highest offer I got was $1,100). I didn’t confirm anything with any buyers yet because I was still waiting to see if I could get higher offers.
Couple hours later, my gf texts me and says she wants the ticket now because she realized it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to get such close tickets. The thing is, I was already super stoked about making a profit off of these and she had already told me that she didn’t want the ticket at first. WIBTA if I resell them to her for a higher price? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
Btl2dZU6HiMOCODVHekbxj6nBH4K5nig | b2d6ff | {
"description": "not hating a coworker and not wanting my gf to talk to him",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not hating a coworker and not wanting my gf to talk to him? | A coworker (21M) has been friends with my gf (and boss) (36F) but last month I found provocative texts to her from him. Since that time my disgust and hatred for the guy has grown ten fold to the point where I hate seeing his name on her phone or hearing his name in general.
My gf still wants to be friends with him (I dont think there has been flirting on her side, she just hasn't been shutting him down [this was about 4 weeks ago and I have confronted both her and him about it but it hasn't helped me mentally and now I want to know every convo they have]) and plans were made today to go to the movies with our family and a friend of my gf and this guy. After hearing these plans my mood immediately soured due to the mention of his name.
AmItA for not wanting my gf to be friends with this guy anymore. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
q9dz6L8FzWI8btZxjo16nNJeSQHx9WgE | a2chjd | {
"description": "not reacting to save a kitten",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not reacting to save a kitten? | This happened a five hours ago and it's been playing on my mind so I thought I'd post here to see your thoughts and perhaps to ease my conscience.
​
At around 7pm, when it starts becoming dark, my girlfriend and I heard and spotted a ginger kitten constantly meowing on a footpath next to a road. It was probably no older than 1 month old. She has a soft spot for all animals and asks if we can try to pick it up to take it to a safer location. She knows that we cannot take it home as our landlord doesn't allow pets in the house. I tell her that it's probably a stray kitten and its momma cat will find it soon. I reluctantly agree knowing that the kitten will just run away at the sight of us.
Along the footpath is a grassy area with bushes and flax which the kitten is moving along. As it sees us, it tries to stay within the bushes away from us. After about 30-40 minutes, we manage to lure it out by dangling a long flax leaf in front it. However, it would run back into the bushes whenever we try to pet it. My girlfriend begins calling SPCA, an animal control organisation that looks after strays and abandoned pets. The office phone number was closed so we were redirected to an emergency line. While this is happening, there is a family going for a night stroll across the road. There are no children in the group.
We are finally connected to a SPCA rep. While we were waiting, the kitten was slowly inching towards the road. I think nothing of it as it would always seem alerted whenever cars would drive past and avoided the road. I look away for a few seconds to see what my girlfriend is doing. When I look back at the kitten, it is now ON THE CENTER OF THE ROAD with car approaching at around 50km/h which is the normal speed limit and about 10 meters away. I get worried as fuck and the following thoughts cross through my head:
1. This kitten needs to scramble across the road or its gonna get wrecked.
2. If it doesn't move, maybe I should run towards it and scare it to make it move.
3. Surely, the approaching car will stop for this poor kitten.
4. Maybe I should try to wave the car down to a stop.
I DID NOT REACT AT ALL.
The kitten is struck by the car. My girlfriend and I look on in horror. She tells that SPCA rep what was happening. The kitten was lying on the road and I could see it breathing heavily. And within a few more seconds, another car passes by and strikes the kitten again which put it out of its suffering.
The family from across the road look on in confusion wondering what the hell just happened. My girlfriend is expectantly shocked, almost to the point of tears. There are a few more cars which pass and drive over the poor kitten, to avoid running over it. I ran to my car, which is about 20 meters away, to search for a plastic bag or something to move the kitten off the road. I found an empty jumper lead sleeve and use it as a glove to pick up the dead kitten and move it to the grass behind the bush, out of sight from any children which walk this path in the morning. My girlfriend instructs the SPCA rep of the location of the body so they can claim it in case it was somebody's pet.
The drive home is almost silent. My girlfriend appears to be stunned and processing what just happened. I reason to myself and think that the kitten will most likely end of euthanised had it been caught alive by SPCA and thinking nothing more of it.
When I get home, I cannot get the thought out of my head. I could have saved the kitten, but I didn't react.
Why didn't I react?
Was it because I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of the family or the people in the car?
Was it because I didn't care enough for the kitten?
The situation could be much different had I reacted.
The incident is still playing through my head. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight with a guilty conscience.
AITA for not reacting at all?
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I4WYHuvsmRfvPpg5U1YE8zilMgyYawDQ | b0mybn | {
"description": "trying to get my wife to confront my sister-in-laws manipulative behavior",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to get my wife to confront my sister-in-laws manipulative behavior? | First I am sorry for the length of this post.
I am a 30 y/o male and my wife is 28 y/o. We have been together for almost 10 years now, 5 of them which we have been married for. A little background about me. I have been a work in progress coming from an abusive family (father's side) with heavy drug issues. I use to have severe anxiety and emotional issues and got tired of living a scared life so I started to take back some control of myself. I went to therapy for 6 years, recently graduated and got my bachelors after my GED and just got accepted into grad school. My wife is everything I would want in a wife and mother for possible children in the future.
Her sister has never liked me, just plain. She is someone who has caused her family a lot of financial harm, racking up tens of thousands in clothing/credit bills that they have paid for her. Recently she, for the second time and without anyone's knowledge, was married to a guy she met in college in order to help get him a passport (non-American citizen). She was out on a business trip, which she does frequently, and left her with him and he ended up sexually assaulting her (under 13). I have noticed that my sister-in-law has been using gas-lighting like behavior that makes me feel like I am going crazy. My wife does not like conflict but recognizes what her sister is "doing behind the veil" as she puts it, but does not know how to confront or deal with it. For example, college talks for the niece recently came up between the four of us (wife, sister-in-law, niece and I) and my wife asked what she was thinking of doing. The niece said her desired field in IT possibly, and my sister-in-law immediately chimed in with a thinly veiled acerbic tone of "Oh, you can be just like your uncle" - dead silence for a few moments until my wife attempted to make it into a nice comment. For a little background, I was at a small party where we all were and I remember one of my sister-in-law's friends come up and start speaking to me about my job being "low-tier IT" with a lot of assumptions. I've never spoken with this person before. I had to explain to him that I was a database manager at a big company and he had heard this stuff from the sister-in-law, so naturally I attribute the silence to some behind the scenes talks. Since then I have noticed that the sister-in-law's friends have been very awkward towards us any time we are at joint gatherings. On a few occasions within the last year our niece has hugged my sister-in-laws friends but did not hug either my wife or I. She still seems to enjoy our company and speak to us but it is very strange.
Outside of the sister-in-laws circle we have a very healthy social life with and appreciate our people. Though my wife has had her own observations that have bothered her for the last year, but hasn't done anything about it because she doesn't know what to do. Am I the asshole for trying to have her do/say anything about it? I feel crazy and am doubting myself.
| HISTORICAL | {
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Uza6R03bHuWXtc37CtvckupPp8lX0FsX | b2dmfp | {
"description": "telling my neighbors who keep feeding my cat and causing my cat to not spend time at home and gain lots of weight to stop feeding him",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA (45F) for telling my neighbors who keep feeding my cat and causing my cat to not spend time at home and gain lots of weight to stop feeding him? | I have had a cat that spends 1/3-1/2 of his time outdoors for the past 8 years. Last year , new neighbors moved in across the street. They have been feeding our cat, causing him not to return home for food often. When I found out they were feeding him, I found out that they had been calling him by another name and that they thought he was stray. I assumed that they would stop feeding him now that they knew that he wasn’t stray and was being fed well already. I asked them to stop feeding him and they said they would but today they told me that they were still giving him food and their excuse is that they need to put food outside to feed another cat (which I’m fairly certain has a family). My cat has gained 6 pounds in the past few months and I want them to stop because I feel like they’re stealing my cat from me. They still refer to our cat by the name they called him by (despite knowing fully that’s not his actual name) when they are talking to me and my 15 yo son told them to stop feeding our cat again. They truly love animals (they have several cats and a dog) but I just wish my cat would be home with me more often. Am I being petty? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
kskytz3VYGMpHDzd1oPqsPkrjnBxCyqM | 9y4mm8 | {
"description": "not talking to a depressed friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not talking to a depressed friend? | (Using fake names)
I (m) have a friend named chelsea (f) who I am VERY close to. We chat at any time we can, just cuz we like to. Recently chelsea went on a fun trip to Vegas, so while she was gone I got to grow closer (but not as close as Chelsea) to another girl, Britney. I found out that Britney was depressed. Me, being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, told her about all the coping methods I used and recoomended her a therapist. While chelsea was gone, me and Britney talked every day. When chelsea came back, me and Britney started talking less often. Even though Britney wont use any of the coping methods I recoomended, nor see a therapist, she gets mad that I don't talk to her a lot any more, claiming I'm not helping her through depression because I don't like her. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
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RhYfisiC2ZgZPlKI9pm14jzg9LmybQHl | b7qtrh | {
"description": "checking my boyfriend's social medias",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for checking my boyfriend's social medias? | Something me and my boyfriend established a long long time ago was that we would be overly open with each other and as such, both have access to each other's Facebook's, Instagram's, Discord's ect.
Sometimes when I'm bored I'll peek in on what he's been doing and talking about (I've told him about this and he wasn't upset by it, also should note it's not any sort of jealousy or trust issue thing, it's pure boredom and curiosity). Sometimes I come across conversions that upset me one way or another, and bring them up with him, which we talk about and resolve
I'm wondering if this is a toxic thing to be doing?? I'm always worried that I'm a toxic person as I can get very easily angered and have a tendency to lash out or snap at people. I don't want to be an asshole or abusive in anyway, so I just need opinions. Thanks | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
Q2X0tLQrIIqU9dl5uNFIdSXTjtePPSi6 | axy480 | {
"description": "not letting my best friend call another friend privately on MY phone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my best friend call another friend privately on MY phone? | First ever post on Reddit here we go
So about two weeks ago, I went on a ski trip to New Hampshire with my school (it's was amazing btw), but because I was sharing a room with three other friends, one being my best friend, who we will call Katie. There was obviously going to be arguments and problems since we were all tired and in one small room.
Now a little bit about the friend she wanted to talk to.
Another one of our best friends who wasn't on the trip, who we will call Jay, was keeping in touch with us and calling after our skiing sessions.
Around New Years-ish time though, Katie began becoming paranoid that he was picking me over her (complete and utter bullshit) and has made it clear in the past that she wanted to go through my conversations with him.
So we were in the middle of getting ready to go ski and our conversation went something like this:
Me: Hey I'm going to call Jay later if that's okay
K: Okay, I wanna talk to him too
Me: Yeah, yeah, I'll put him on speaker when I call him.
K: No, I want to call him privately.
At this point, alarm bells were going off in my head because I've had bad experiences with people looking through my phone, breaking my trust. Now, I have nothing on this phone to hide from her, but it's a private conversation and I'd like that to be respected.
So I say,
Me: What? No, if you want to call him, you can call him on your phone.
By this point she starts going sour, telling me I'm a bitch and that I'm hiding things from her. I'm not hiding anything from her, but I also don't trust her completely, since she has made it clear she WOULD look through my phone and that she has crap-talked me in the past
(you know, just things like agreeing with people when they say my hobby of drawing is stupid and I'm not good at it when she tells me I am; may seem childish to get upset over but it hurt a lot at the time since I have quite low self esteem)
I'm also quite annoyed by this point, wondering why she can't accept that I won't let her call privately from my phone.
But afterwards, I started thinking about whether I AM out of order for that. I asked Jay if I was and he said no but I can't shake the feeling that I am and I need some unbiased opinions here.
The actual situation is fine now and we're still friends, it's just something I'd like to get off my chest. | HISTORICAL | {
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hQeSfTMRc6IHCqk5ujTql93SHOziWrA5 | b83yfg | {
"description": "asking to be on time to a party",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for asking to be on time to a party? | Background: my wife and I have been together for 25 years, since we were freshmen in High School. Through the course of our relationship, she has not placed a high value on being on time - in other words, she is habitually late. On the other hand, I'm likely a little too obsessed with being on time. We have a very distinct and clear understanding about being on time: she knows I really want to be on time, while I know it's not a huge priority for her.
Recently, we've had a streak of being late to events with our friends, due to her not getting ready on time. My reactions vary from minor annoyance to verbally complaining about her tardiness. 2 weekends ago, we were quite late to an event, and I expressed my frustration about it on the car ride there.
This past weekend, we had an event on Saturday night, and on Saturay morning she asked me what time I wanted to leave. My verbatim response was "Can we not be late?" She then stated that she felt like she was being attacked, and that I was too often critical of her. She then suggested that I should not mention her tardiness, even indirectly, or else I was being an asshole. I argued that I was just trying to communicate my priorities.
We agreed to post this here to help us get neutral perspective on our actions.
AITA for asking to not be late? Is expressing my desire for promptness too critical of her? Should I rightfully expect a defensive response if I ask to be on time?
Thank you for helping us both gain insight! | HISTORICAL | {
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dgUnW86Ry0EfHibPtrGZHB4OHRrLnqAK | a43yf4 | {
"description": "refusing to give/make certain family members Christmas gifts",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA for refusing to give/make certain family members Christmas gifts? | Backstory:
I’ve been married to my husband for 7 yrs. We have 3 girls, ages 10, 6, 4.
We are really close with his side of the family, aside from his dad and step mom. The only time we ever see them is at a family function, and then the only interactions they have with our kids is trying to pin our kids down and take all of this pictures with them like they are SO CLOSE, I guess for appearances. Our younger kids ask us at each event who these people even are. It annoys me because despite my husband and I trying to have them involved with their grandkids, they aren’t. They’ve told us verbatim that they just don’t want to deal with kids at this point in their life (they told us this 3 yrs ago). As in, they don’t want to take them to do anything, they don’t want them over at their house, they aren’t interested in coming over to visit at our place, and they damn sure do not want to ever babysit - don’t ask. And by that, they mean OUR children, because they have been heavily involved with her grandchildren (all BOYS) and still are, which is what has sparked me to say “fuck them” this Christmas.
This year in Oct. our youngest turned 4. The entire family got together, minus DH’s dad and step mom, to celebrate. Turns out they had drove to AZ for vacation for his step mom’s birthday without saying a word to anyone, and on the drive back, stopped at my DH’s uncle’s house in TX and bought a 2016 model vehicle from him for HER grandson; cost ~10k.
DH’s Aunt and Uncle stopped by DH’s dad and step mom’s house a few days later and found this out. DH’s Aunt and Uncle mention to them it had been our daughter’s birthday, and were they going to go by to see her or anything...???
NOPE. They said forgot, and didn’t have plans to come by.
The family gets together 3 weeks later to celebrate DH’s 2 cousin’s birthdays, and DH’s dad and step mom are there - and still don’t acknowledge our daughter’s birthday at that point.
They’d been reminded IN PERSON, they just don’t care. Now, I’m not mad that there isn’t a gift. I’m mad that they say they don’t want anything to do with kids, but they are really involved with her grandkids, even buying a several thousand dollar car for the oldest, but can’t bother to even tell our child “Happy Birthday”.
Here’s where the potential assholery on my part comes into play:
For Christmas, we’re just getting the men gift cards. They are all notorious for being hard to buy for. For his dad, though, instead of the usual gift card, I suggested to my husband we should just get his dad a decent polo in green (his fav color). It’d save us money, and he isn’t exactly on my “nice list” this year - so not forgo a gift completely, just not as nice of one. To be honest though, I really feel like giving them the consideration they gave our child - NONE.
For the women, I decided that I would crochet some really nice & intricate infinity scarves with this gorgeous wool. Each one takes me about 12 hrs to complete (so an entire day), and are worth about $70. After the way his step mom and dad have treated my children, I refuse to put that much of my time into a scarf for his step mom - I can just buy her a scarf from Walmart.
I’ve also more or less put my husband on notice that if they try to pin our kids down for pictures and our kids don’t want to take pictures with them (as has been the case EVERY year), that I’ll be telling my kids it’s ok if they don’t want to and that they’re free to go play. I won’t make my kids go through that for people who don’t care about them.
My husband has cautioned me and says that if I’m going to make scarves for all of the other women, I should probably do one for his step mom or it will be obvious - and that if I tell them off about the picture issue, well, I could just end up looking like a giant asshole between the scarf, shirt, and picture issue.
What do you think reddit...?
AITA for refusing to put that much effort into a gift or for giving a less expensive gift to people who have treated my children like they have? AITA for not making my kids take pictures with them if they don’t want to? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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29OVE4QgU1spu6WauybESTGb78VzabEm | 9w3ont | null | AITA for how I handled this situation between 2 ex-friends? | Ppl involved:
Me: white gay guy, questioning gender but w/e, gay guy for all intents & purposes
Friend 1: biracial hetero (possibly bisexual?) woman
Friend 2: white pansexual woman
​
\*DISCLAIMER\* I'm aware this whole situation is relatively petty and messy but want to see if there's anything I could have done differently
​
Be me. Meet friends 1 & 2 at party. Perceive both as straight women at first & feel kinda tokenized by both of them (weird intrusive questions abt my sexuality from friend 2 and a lot of 'yaaas queen'ing from both) but get to know them over time & see past it. Shortly after our friendship is formed I'm physically assaulted at a party by a guy they both know who is notorious for this type of thing. Instead of calling cops (cause ew, no) I opt for a call out post online. Friend 2 shares my post, friend 1 does not but blocks the guy (they used to be friends and still followed each other until then). I recover and we all keep hanging out & get to know each other more. Learn both have been abused by men in the past, as have I, an unfortunate bonding point I tend to have w women. Despite being vocal about social issues, both have their flaws. Friend 1 seems to have some internalized racism but is conscious of it and working to unlearn it, friend 2 conversely seems to fetishize black ppl, as well as gay men and trans women and is super not self aware about it. I perceive both to have good hearts and choose to look past these flaws. Seems we have a cute lil trio going.
Friend 1 starts dating white guy. I'm indifferent at first but friend 2 doesn't like him. Apparently he'd said homophobic, racist, and misogynistic things on his twitter in the past (friend 2 searched key words and his username) and friend 2 calls friend 1's values into question for dating this guy. I didn't particularly like him, especially after learning of the things he said, but as far as my friendship w friend 1 went, I saw it as more of an issue of self respect than her condoning his behavior, as she would often vent to me about dumb things he would say. Knowing of her past dating abusive men I didn't want to abandon her even if she continued to date him, so I remained her friend. Friend 2 holds a benefit show for her disabled brother, friend 1 and I both attend but friend 1 leaves early because of emotional issues from dealing w her relationship and judgement from friend 2. Friend 2 sees friend 1's early departure as selfish, cuts ties w her, but remains friends with me. Things are ok for a while, some subtweeting from friend 2 causes friend 1 some anxiety but she eventually stops looking and things seem fine. About 6 months since friendship ended, friend 1 receives anon message that causes her distress, suspects it might be friend 2. I'm annoyed because I thought this beef was over. Playing moderator, I calmly ask friend 2 if she sent the message. She gets offended I would even ask, cuts ties with me, says friend 1 is a horrible person who doesn't care about people, that I'm choosing them over her, and I'm ungrateful for her helping me in my time of need. Is she right? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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NWQGEgMAlS3Dtemybgh7Bce47xjX3au7 | afe8ut | {
"description": "wanting to leave my wife and kids",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for wanting to leave my wife and kids. | So I'm actually an MtF trans woman (assigned male at birth). I started transitioning about 1.5 years ago and my marriage to my wife since then has been unbelievably rocky. She's not exactly supportive and has turned our kids (11 and 8) against me by calling me a freak of nature, etc. We're still married but I'm not sure why anymore.
​
I want to request divorce this year, and hopefully be able to make a clean break before the end of the year. However, my biggest dilemma right now is what to do with my life after this. I really want to move far away. I mean REALLY far away like to Australia or NZ (we're in Georgia, USA). Part of the reason is selfish. I want to be far away from my soon to be ex-wife and my kids. I know that sounds horrible but the longer I spend near them the longer I hate myself and feel like the ugly "dad-turned-woman" that everyone here sees me as (there's an ongoing joke that I'm basically Chandler's dad from Friends). So, yeah. Being near them makes me feel unbelievably gender dysphoric and all I want is a fresh start in a new place where I can start my real life anew.
​
WIBTA if I gone through with this? I know my wife would get full custody anyways given how conservative and backwards our legal system is towards trans women. I make good money and I would definitely make sure my kids are getting enough money for everything. I'm not trying to skimp on that. However, WIBTA if I just sort of left? I feel that all of them would be a lot happier (including me) if we just cut our ties and went our own ways. I'm sure my wife would remarry to the kind of man she always wanted and maybe I'd get a chance to feel like a real woman in a new country. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
cDbmdPzZcN5WHKFsDILxqvnh7Mop4QM2 | a6xx4r | {
"description": "not going to my aunt's wedding and lying about it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not going to my aunt's wedding and lying about it |
This weekend was my aunt's wedding, and I REALLY did not want to go, as the venue was more than two hours away, I barely knew her at all, and I needed to concentrate on studying for my finals. So I pretended I went and lied about it.
​
Backstory: Right after I was born, my parents were in a situation where they could not take care of me. It would only be for five months, and afterwards, our family was going to go to a different country to live there for good. So for those five months, I was placed at the care of my grandparents. They loved me and took really good care of me. I still cherish a photo of my younger looking grandparents smiling their face off while holding me, a tiny baby swaddled up Korean-style in white blankets. But because they're, well, grandparents and haven't been parenting for a while now, much less taking care of a newborn, they asked for help to my aunt. She came daily to take care of me, eventually just staying with my grandparents to take care of me even at nights. She took care of all the hard work of keeping a newborn alive, and my grandparents started to call her my second mother.
​
After five months were up, we left the country and I never saw my aunt again. I heard her voice when we were calling once or twice when I was young, and I remember how loving her voice was. But I do not really have any personal relationship with her. Many years later, I returned to Korea for university, and a couple of weeks ago, she sent my parents a wedding invitation. Since my parents are not in the country, they sent the invitation to me, telling me that I should go. However, I did not want to go at all, because I barely knew who she was, I was anxious about being in a wedding where I did not know anyone, it was far away, and I had to study for my two final exams on Monday. When I told my parents that I didn't want to go, they started to scold me and tried to shame me into going, saying how my aunt took care of me when I was a baby. Knowing that I couldn't convince them, I said fine, but I had no intention of going.
​
Korean weddings are really big and really short, lasting for about thirty minutes and ending well within an hour. There is no afterparty, no greeting the bride or groom, and the only way they can know you came is through looking at the picture taken with guests at the end of the ceremony. So I sent the money my parents told me to give her through the bank account listed in the invitation (common wedding practice), I searched for pictures of the wedding hall, and also looked at their wedding photos afterwards. I called my parents to let them know I gave her the money, the wedding hall was beautiful, how her dress looked, and how I didn't stay long because I had to study. They were happy, my aunt didn't notice, I was happy.
​
TLDR: I didn't go to my aunt's wedding this weekend, even though she took care of infant me for five months. I lied about going, everyone happy.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
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emhCepW8xo62iVKFIlSM1CQAbgyiN2gs | an3wv7 | {
"description": "refusing to believe my step-sister's transgender claims and calling her out on social media",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 27
} | AITA for refusing to believe my step-sister's transgender claims and calling her out on social media? | Ok, so this situation is extremely complicated and I made a throw away just in case.
​
Yesterday, my step sister decided to come out to everyone as trans. Now, while in most situations I believe this kind of moment needs to be taken serious and that you really need to be caring when dealing with people. Here's the thing though, my step-sister is lying. How do I know this? Well, this just so happens to have come after my cousin came out as trans a week ago.
​
Last week my cousin decided to come out to everyone and tell them of her trans status. At this point it was pretty much all but stated. She had been dealing with this for years and it had obviously taken its toll on her. But she decided that she needed to be true to herself and come out and we all supported her. This is where my step-sister Sarah comes in. Sarah has always been the "pay attention to me" kind of girl. For the past week she has been complaining about how much attention my cousin is getting. Saying she "doesn't deserve it". She has bitched and moaned about how much more she is deserving of their applause than my cousin. Well, last night she changed her tune and is claiming she's a trans man.
She's lying. How do i know you may ask? Because this exact thing has happened before.
Back when she was in high school her best friend came out as gay. She was the "leader" of the group and when her friend all of the sudden got more attention than her she bitched and moaned. Then, a week later she "got the courage" to come out too. She then proceeded to "date" a girl for 4 months (the girl she was dating was the high school "lesbian". When I say that I mean that Sarah found the most popular "out" girl to date for the image.). This did not last though as she was found making out with a guy at a party then proceeded to taunt the girl she was dating saying she was pretending this whole time.
So, now we come to last night. Sarah decided to make a video she then posted to facebook and insta of her "coming out". She then sent it to everyone who was at my cousins coming out (except for my cousin and her dad). In came the flood of "we love you no matter what" messages. Well, I decided to join them, in my own way. I told her how much I love that she's lying again for attention and that she's only doing this to steal attention away from my cousin (who didn't even know she was doing this). I then called her out for pretending to be gay previously. I ended by telling her how awful she was and that I hope this backfired like her lesbian stunt did.
Well, now she's making my life hell. She has proceeded to cry on social media for the past 24 hours. She has tried to get my mom to cut me out of her life and is telling all of my friends how "trans phobic" i am. I talked with my cousin after she saw the video and she doesn't buy it either (as does most of my family). Yet, they tell me I was wrong for calling her out like that and that it should have been left private. Honestly though, I don't think so. Sarah hurt the girl she "dated" with her last stunt and I'm honestly worried she'll do something again. SO that's why I called her out. Was I wrong though? Should I not have done this and i'm only an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 17,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 27
} | WRONG |
niOxNACnaL7LetAvVVZXuI5e6lO052R7 | atn9dn | {
"description": "watching a television show my gf and I started without her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for watching a television show my gf and I started without her? | So my girlfriend(22) recently got made at me(22) for watching a show on Netflix without her. A little background here; we both live at our respected parental units home as we are recent grads, she lives and hour away,we both enjoy watching tv shows a lot, but she has a tough time grasping overarching themes and some subtle signs in shows. So she loves so ask questions in the middle of shows, which I do not mind at all, especially if I’ve seen it before. However, I noticed that while we’re watching the show she tends not to pay attention. Either going on her phone, playing on her switch, or just straight up sleeping in the middle of our show. It’s not like we’re binging either, we may watch 2 or 3 episodes of a show in a given night and after the first I’m begging her to pay attention. I constantly say her name and asked if she caught what just happened. Most of the time she doesn’t catch what happened or understands not because she’s not smart but because she’s simply paying attention to something else. So I’ve begun to watch ahead for some of the shows I truly enjoy. Because we don’t live together it’s hard to see each other on the weekday with work and logistics. So she comes over on random Wednesday and be pissed that I watched 2 or 3 episodes ahead of her. I never explicitly told her I’d wait, she just kinda assumes I’ll wait. I don’t mind watching it over again w her at all either. It helps me answer her questions better and allows me to catch anything I may have missed. The only thing I can think about doing is inform her each and every time I watch and episode of something we’ve seen together. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3HIurTUMZCMBUFkFiuMNvbeViiWkfmZr | a4xm5u | {
"description": "denying emotional labour to an ex in the throes of drug abuse",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for denying emotional labour to an ex in the throes of drug abuse? | An ex recently got back in touch with me years after ghosting me, by writing a really sweet and sentimental message. I was really glad to catch up and overwhelmed with joy to hear that everything is going really well for him - he’s an interesting person and was very sweet to me in a tough and lonely time for both of us. I’m now happily married to my soulmate, living overseas, and my ex has also got a partner, so I thought in the spirit of reconnecting, it would be cool to invite him and his girlfriend to a celebration we’re having when we return to my home country for the summer (as me and my husband are both quite relaxed and honest about our pasts), but then this morning he asked me over facebook to help make sure he made it to NA tomorrow by asking him for a picture at a specific time.
I went cold when I read the message - I’ve been absolutely put through the ringer with exes who have been drug addicts, compulsive liars, and recovering addicts, and after years of being lonely, I’m finally happy. I was 100% honest with him and said I’m cool with having long chats on the phone about philosophy and politics, but that I don’t have the emotional wherewithal to help anybody get away from the soul-sucking void of addiction, as it took me years to get back to feeling somewhat normal, and I’m just coming out of a hugely depressive few months myself. I feel terribly guilty for saying no, but I suggested he get a good sponsor who can help him, and to tell his girlfriend about what’s going on so that she can help.
I’ve been feeling sick about it all day so I just need to know from people who are impartial - AITA for saying no to somebody trying to reach out for help to kick drugs? Should I have said yes to sending a simple text just to help get the process started for him, or is it better that I stuck to my guns and said he can’t rely on me for anything beyond occasionally sending dank memes? This shit has spun me out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5Ck4t8yIx8ry7l9uWtsDdQj3zLJjsTuJ | ax2z49 | {
"description": "making my girlfriend pay more of a rent since she completely changed the way she cooked",
"pronormative_score": 47,
"contranormative_score": 62
} | WIBTA for making my girlfriend pay more of a rent since she completely changed the way she cooked | My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years . We have been living together for a year and a half. I make almost double what she does and she was living with her parents before so when she moved in we made the agreement that I would pay $900 in rent and she would only pay $500 but that she would do all of the cooking since she enjoyed it. I do other chores in the house but she has done all the cooking- she makes breakfast, packs lunch and cooked dinner She never complained about it
​
However around 2 months ago she decided to go vegetarian for ethical/environmental/health reasons. She completely changed her cooking and stopped cooking meat entirely. I just find this so annoying since I enjoyed her cooking before and I'm a meat person. If I ask her to make something she used to make she'll say "I can make it myself" which is annoying because we had an agreement. I've talked to her about this but she thinks there's nothing wrong with what she's cooking and she makes sure it's tastes good.
​
I'm strongly considering asking her to pay $700 for her rent since I kinda feel cheated out of the deal we've made but I'm debating whether this would be a dick move. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 55,
"OTHER": 42,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 6
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 47,
"WRONG": 62
} | WRONG |
9Jh8nBlMy7AnPiUD0LzuqBRfFX44yhKu | am9upn | {
"description": "ending my 11 year old friendship with my best friend 2 weeks after her wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For ending my 11 year old friendship with my best friend 2 weeks after her wedding? | Context: My friend had gotten engaged in May this year and had asked me to be her maid of honor. I had said yes, thinking that it wouldn't go through (she had been engaged at least 3-4 times before and had never really gone anywhere). I told her to be careful and alert me ahead of the time since she wanted an late October wedding and I had college and could only move by bus.
About mid-September, things started to go wrong.
I had to ask a month before the color of the dress I needed for the event. My friend (Let's call her Ex) wanted a lilac dress. Lilac - a *spring* color - in fall? I told her it would be hard, but I would do my best. Looked for a week, couldn't find one, so I found a purple one that wouldn't stand out too much.
The week after, my family was planning to go to our state fair that weekend, since it would be the last days. The day before our trip, I got a message from Ex saying *"We'll pick you and Lis* (my sister) *up at 6:30 tomorrow."*
I didn't remember planning anything with her that day, so I texted her what that was about. Apparently it was her bridal shower that she had been planing for months. This was the first time I had heard of it. I even double-checked a list of wedding-related things I had kept in case I had actually forgotten. I Hadn't.
I told her I had had plans for tomorrow and had to figure out how my family and I would do. While trying to reorganize our schedules, Ex texted Lis that I was *abandoning her!* Had to explain that I was still going despite the sudden announcement, but my sister was going to stay home to finish a college paper due that Tuesday. My friend was insistent that my sister go as well. It took me 8 minutes of explaining and re-explaining why Lis would not go until she finally gave up. I went with her the following day for the bridal shower, which was just a meal at a restaurant with Ex, Ex's grandmother, and an Aunt of Ex's I had never heard of before. Ex ecstatically gave me a bracelet for being her maid of honor, they talked about how happy we were that she was getting married and how good her fiancee was (I had never meet the man, only talked to him for 10 minutes) . Overall it was an awkward and stressing affair.
3 days before the wedding, I got a message telling me the wedding venue was changed. This was an issue since I was gong by bus. I called her to try to find an alternate route. Ex found that the shortest route would require a 2 hour bus ride and a 25 minute car ride. There were 2 main issues with that. One: there was no one who could pick me up from the bus stop and Two: I would have to skip one of my classes to even make it there on time, making me miss vital information on one of my projects for finals. I was already going to miss half my class to make it to the original venue (1 hour 20 by bus, 15 min walking), I could not risk going on the new route - I was on academic thin ice (as in I could be kicked out of the college for a year if I failed). I scrambled to find a ride, to no avail.
Fearing her reaction, I cautiously sent Ex a message that I could not attend her wedding and that I hoped that their would not be any hard feelings.
I got a response a day later. Ex asked for the bracelet she had given me just 10 days prior. She followed that up with: "*There will be hard feelings btw"*
That hit me pretty hard. After bending over backwards to do what I could for her wedding (and having 2 episodes I can only describe as akin to a panic attack) I had failed her. My best friend.
I talked to my parents, my 2 siblings and my counselor about the situation in hopes of some comfort and all my family told me the same thing: if Ex was being so self-centered as to not understand why I had to do what I did, it was time to reevaluate the relationship. And I did so for two weeks. After those two weeks, I sent Ex a message that our one-sided friendship was over and to not contact me again.
​
TLDR: Friend was getting married, asked me to find a spring dress mid-autumn, invited me and my sister to her bridal shower last minute and guilt triped me into going and tried to do the same to my sister, changed the venue and got mad when I told her I couldn't go and asked for the bracelet she gave me for being her maid of honor. Realized she was being selfish and that our relationship was one-sided and ended it 2 weeks after she got married. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
ZmkLTxgK12BDPG9iIn14y2dwUpRs6AbE | arrvps | {
"description": "disagreeing with my wife about how to discuss suicide with our 5 year old",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for disagreeing with my Wife about how to discuss suicide with our 5 year old? | Allright, abridged to get to the point:
Our 5 year old daughter was upset tonight and told my Wife that sometimes she just wants to kill herself. They had a discussion where my Wife reassured her that she is loved and was helping her through it.
I then walked in, and my Wife told me what they were discussing. When the two of us were alone later, she mentioned asking our daughter "how she would do it" if she were to try.
I took issue with this, as I am worried about leading the conversation with someone so young. My Wife became angry and defensive and is currently not speaking to me.
I understand how important discussing this topic is with children, but I feel like they should be the ones to ask most of the questions and lead the discussion. I worry that asking questions like my Wife did may be , for lack of a better term, putting ideas in her head.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
izocivXAQrRb0oFqDe4mpH3MTilZDa4i | a6qhr1 | {
"description": "breaking up with my suicidal boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for breaking up with my suicidal boyfriend? | I’ll start from the beginning. We’ll call him Noah. So, N and I have been in the same choir for half a year. Because we’ve had hours upon hours to be around each other, we’d become close friends.
Then, about a month ago, Noah texts me, saying something along the lines of “Thank you for being such a good friend to me, don’t let anyone change who you are, goodbye.” As it would any friend, this message extremely worried me. Long story short, I called the police, they went to his house, and found he had taken a bunch of pills. They took him to the hospital and saved his life.
Now, about a week or two ago, Noah asks me out, and I say yes. Truth be told, I had started to like him about a month before the incident. We start dating, and all is going well. Until he texts me that this girl he knew (we’ll call her Nadine) texted him that if he didn’t date her, she was going to kill herself. To me, this sounded like obvious manipulation. I’m still not sure whether he actually didn’t see it, or just didn’t care, but Noah (after relating to me what had happened) asked me if we could go on a break (so he could date her). He also says that he likes her. Slightly annoyed, I said, in *the* most passive aggressive tone, “sure”.
Fast forward to last Thursday. It’s the night of our concert, so, instead of going home for the day like usual at 3:30, we stay to prepare for the concert at 7:00. Other than the choir Noah and I are in, there are two other choirs, and we’ll all perform together for the concert. In one of the choirs is a guy I also like. We’ll call him Sean. Note that Sean and Noah are friends.
Our choir director orders a pizza to arrive at 5:30. At 5:00, we finish practice/preparation, and have a bit of free time. The cafeteria is full, so Sean, Noah, and a few of our other friends go sit at one of the outside tables. I had forgotten my jacket (note that *everyone* else is wearing a jacket), and it was really cold, so I was freezing. After sitting there shivering for a minute or two, Sean takes off his jacket and offers it to me.
Noah says “If you put that on, we’re done.”
So I put it on!
What do you guys think? AITA?
Tldr; Friend tries to kill himself, we start dating, he wants to take a break to date a different girl who threatened to kill herself if he didn’t date her. Him, a different guy, and I are outside and I’m freezing, so the different guy offers me his jacket. Then he says if I put on other guy’s jacket, “we’re done,” so I put it on. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
MKJ22Bm7uoaUCB9fVybCYDPQvVjJRn4s | as42gk | {
"description": "wanting a day to myself",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting a day to myself? | Married 17 years now, two kids, both teenagers - always busy. From time to time I'll go into, say, a Starbucks, and see somebody just sitting in the corner reading a book and think, "man, to have that kind of free time - to be able to just sit in a coffee shop and read a book without worrying about rushing off to somewhere else." Well, after nearly two decades, I actually got President's Day off of work, but the wife and kids didn't. She had to work, the kids had school, and I suddenly had this vision of dropping the kids off at school, driving to a Starbucks, and reading a book just like all those carefree people I always see. Maybe just for a day, but at least it would be a day of no stress for once. Well, she found out I had the day off. All of a sudden it was, "Oh, that's perfect - both pets need to go to the vet, and my car needs to go to the mechanic, and you can pick up some prescriptions and get groceries and pick the kids up from school and take them to their activities and we can have lunch together!" I think she read the look on my face and she said, "well, what else are you going to do all day?" I told her I had originally planned to relax and decompress and she said, "you do that every weekend!" (I don't) She says if I do all this stuff on my one day off that I've ever had since I got married, we'll have more free time on the weekend to do stuff together as a family. So here I am, feeling guilty on the one hand because she's right - in five years, both kids will be off at college and I'm sure I'll miss them. On the other hand, we're ALWAYS doing things together and I've been rushing for more than a third of my life. I would really like a day just to not be in a hurry for once. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AsUYLQrQpa9xZdIFiczedvodH0LTXvgO | 9y0m3z | {
"description": "showing my friend porn",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for showing my friend porn? | So this happened a few years ago in tenth grade, I'm a sophomore in college now, but it's always been in my head because it really ruined my longest friendship, and I keep switching sides on whether or not I'm the asshole. So this kid, Jon let's call him, was the same age as me, same male gender, and we had been friends since I moved schools in the 3rd grade. He's over one night on a weekend and we were having a good time as usual, and I show him a video I saw earlier that I thought was HILARIOUS. It was that grapefruit-job tutorial video that was pretty viral on you-tube, which I'll link at the bottom of this post. Now I still think this video is amazing and yea maybe it's a little nsfw but it's no big deal I think. Anyways, with him and I in my room (we were not alone in the house my parents and siblings were downstairs), I show him the video on my laptop. I am dying from laughter and, from what I could tell, so was Jon! As soon as the video gets past the "GWORSCH GWORSCH GWORSCH" part, he leaves the room, comes back, and we start talking about other stuff, except now he is totally expressionless. He's hardly talking and definitely not laughing. I asked him what's wrong and he just said that he was leaving. A few minutes of awkward silence after his mom comes and picks him up just like that. I thought it was weird but I pretty much forgot about it. About a week later (we went to different high schools so I hadn't had a chance to see him again), my mom calls me to her room and when I see her face she is completely livid. She starts shouting and yelling at how I'm a terrible friend and that I've changed and all this crazy stuff that I was completely clueless to. She then tells me that Jon told his mom that I showed him porn. I was MORTIFIED at this because my fairly strict parents were, to say the least, not very approving of anything remotely sex related. Tears and arguments later, I show her the video, and her exact reaction was "Oh, that's what it was? Oh okay." And boom that was that. For whatever reason, probably because it was raunchily comedic rather than actually sexual, the video didn't set off the whole "THIS IS SEX" trigger that would have led to her berating me for living a bad lifestyle, but that's besides the point. I felt betrayed by my friend, and we didn't contact each other for a few weeks. Finally, I text him and his responses are all at most two-words until he plain stops responding. Aaaand that was that. In the past few years we've seen each other every now and then since we're in similar communities and we don't greet each other.
​
So I never apologized for showing him that video because I didn't feel I needed to. After it was too late to apologize though, I did begin to feel bad. I mean, a kid in tenth grade is totally in his right to feel uncomfortable and leave! It was probably an asshole thing to show him an explicit video when, looking back at it, I had never shown him anything like that before. But still, to tell his mom and, as a result, my mom that I showed him porn? First off, it just was not porn. Second, isn't there a code in high school that clearly states you should keep those talks secret from parents anyways? And third, it made feel like I was some pervert or sex offender for showing someone "porn," which is a real crappy and demeaning feeling.
So, am I the asshole? Should I have at least apologized to save the really long term and close friendship?
​
Youtube link to video:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKnLz9OhnLw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKnLz9OhnLw) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
wJ3Z0F2NawNg3kpwhV99DzSYWeWvkkZ4 | azyvwo | {
"description": "telling my cousin I don't want to go on a last minute trip because her friend is coming",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my cousin I don't want to go on a last minute trip because her friend is coming? | Hi guys.
For context:
My family has a timeshare, and for a long time we went on an almost yearly basis. Due to a bunch of reasons, we haven't gone in a few years.
Also, I recently started a business and I'm in the middle of shipping 400 orders. I should be done this week but it could also easily spill over into next week.
Anyway:
This morning my cousin contacted me and said she wants to go on a trip next week. I told her that the last minute timing might make things difficult, but I'd go - it's been a while and she has had a hard year so far, so I figured I'd make it work.
I tell I'll try to talk my mom into it, and the conversation ends.
Well, later, when my mom wakes up, before I can her she gets a call from my grandmother telling her about the trip. During the call, she mentioned that my cousin's best friend is going.
I have awful anxiety so around people I'm not related to I usually can't relax. My cousin also very specifically didn't tell me about this, despite the fact she mentioned the other people she was asking.
So between all the work I'm in the middle of doing, plus the fact I wasn't going to actually enjoy myself, I texted my cousin and let her know I didn't think I'd be going.
I did lead it off with "you didn't tell me Karen was going", and it may have sounded more accusatory than I meant to. I simply meant to tell her what new information made me reconsider going.
Anyway, I told my mom (who planned on not going either) and she told me I was being an asshole and should have lied and just said I couldn't go. While they have been true, I've always tried to be as honest as I can with people specifically *because* my mother lies a lot and I have complicit in her lies many times in the past.
I've already apologized to my cousin, in case I did upset her, so this is a purely academic question.
So, reddit - am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
z2HZJhKzsQU2tNxRjPY5p34T6VW9MghK | amdi1c | {
"description": "not wanting my dad to come to my graduation ceremony",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my dad to come to my graduation ceremony? | Obligatory TL:DR at the bottom
So, I'm currently in my third year of uni, and I graduate (hopefully!) at the beginning of July. Naturally, questions about the ceremony are beginning to arise in my family, and last night my mum told me that my dad has to be present when I graduate.
I am very against this. Mainly bc he left our family around 5 years ago, when my mum finally threw him out after over 20 years of emotional, financial and (occasional) physical abuse.
Furthermore, he's an alcoholic. I do *not* want him present at my graduation, considering that he has never been present at any other event in my life. He's never been to a parent's evening, or a school play, he even forgot my 18th birthday. I do not see why he is now entitled to come to my graduation. I have worked extremely hard to get to this point and I don't think he deserves to be there. He is still in my life, yes (against my wishes), as my mum still allows him to visit our house, even though when he is here he never says more than hello or goodbye to me. Personally, I feel like if he wanted so badly to be at my graduation, he should have acted like a father in the first place. He does not deserve now to suddenly turn up and pretend he has anything to do with my success, that is all down to my mum bringing me up alone (even though he was in the house he never even changed a nappy let alone cared for me) and myself.
I expressed such thoughts to my mother last night and her reaction was less than ideal. She told me that I'm being selfish and cruel and that he's still my dad no matter what he did and he should be able to go. She says he'll pay for his own ticket (my uni only gives you 2 free tickets, and those will be for my mum and my bf), but I still don't particularly want him there. She says if I don't let him I'll regret it.
Am I the asshole?
TL:DR - My dad wants to come to my graduation ceremony despite the fact he's never been present at any other event in my life, and was emotionally and physically abusive to my mother - I said no and now my mum hates me for it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mR7VeWSxkwLYg06ZCYnTwk75mc0TpVZk | 9th9eq | {
"description": "not going with my gf to the ER",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | Aita for not going with my gf to the ER? | Gf has a history of getting UTI’s. Has one currently. She Came back from school with some pain.
I told her to call a nurse and ask if she should go in and seek treatment.
She did, the nurse said yes go in ASAP. (Suspected it has developed into a bladder/and or kidney infection) It’s 9pm where we live, in a major city so ER is not far away.
I said I don’t want to go because last time we went in we were there for 10 hours, mostly due to wait time, causing me to miss most our sleep time. We got home at 5am, and that made going to work almost impossible for the day.
I feel like it’s not that significant of an issue to warrant me being there that long, as I have to work tomorrow.
So she went alone, I feel bad about not being there for her in a time of need, but this situation is not out of the ordinary at this point, and I know she can handle it.
Obviously I know she wanted me to come for emotional support/help kill time/second opinion and what not... it’s not like we can’t text...
TLDR: didn’t go with my gf to the ER because it’s late and the issue is not that severe and I have to work.
Sorry for format and typos on cell.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
JlSCYdYEDp2pgzK1ARcItJ6KYlIE8TXz | b4yfv2 | {
"description": "thinking $5 tip for a 20.03 breakfast tab was too much",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for thinking $5 tip for a 20.03 breakfast tab was too much? | I recently went out with my boyfriend to breakfast here in Texas and since it was my idea I offered to pay for his breakfast. Our waiter was nice and made sure things went well. Food was good as well. As mentioned the total came out to be 20.03 and I was going to put a $4 tip. When my boyfriend decided to step in and say “No put $5. He deserves $5 instead of $4.” I said “I think $4 is a good amount, it is 20% which tends to be the norm” (or how I was raised it was the norm). I ended up putting $4.50 to compromise, but I don’t think he should have had a say on how much I was going to tip since I paid for breakfast. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
HTcatVzoyEVCx8XCq5FZjukyPrhJ8z31 | ac9qsd | {
"description": "asking my so/fiancee to make our roommate move out",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking my SO/fiancee to make our roommate move out? | This is a long story. Thanks in advance for reading!
Backstory: my SO (31F) and I (28M) started dating when I was living in my own place. At the time, she lived at home with her mom and her mom's best friend who is a 60+ year old man. Her mom passed away suddenly less than a year after we started dating and I moved in with her for emotional support and to help sort out the estate. This was over 3 years ago and we are now engaged.
At the time I moved in, the understanding was that we would get the estate figured out and then sell the house to get our own place. Her roommate wasn't paying her mom rent at the time she passed away, and it certainly didn't seem fair to demand it immediately following the upheaval caused by her death. He was basically a model roommate and most of the house's decorations were his. He cleaned regularly despite having a full-time job, and purchased communal groceries. I hardly knew my SO's mom at the time she passed, so I was happy to have her mom's best friend there to console my SO as a sort of "uncle". This was about 3.5 years ago.
It took almost a year to settle the estate, and my SO would constantly stress out about how much the mortgage payments were since her mom had been making more than both of us combined. We let our roommate know that we were starting to look at houses and he began to pack and consolidate his things. We work together and our office had massive layoffs which impacted me, so we couldn't continue thinking about taking out a brand new mortgage even after the estate had been sorted. I told her that we needed to start charging our roommate rent since the agreement for him to live here for free was made by her mother, not her or I, and our income was insufficient -- even the bank said so. She reluctantly agreed and he started paying fair rent, but stopped cleaning the house (except for his own messes) and started buying his own groceries. With the additional rental income it became easier for us to manage the existing mortgage, so we started trying to make the house our own instead of getting it ready to sell. This was about two years ago.
Our roommate has since retired and spends most of his time in his room, and I only see him about once a day. I'll hear my SO complain about him leaving coffee grounds on the counter, or letting the dog come upstairs (she pees on the carpet every chance she gets), or cluttering up the fridge. Over time, my subtle hints that maybe we should persuade him to leave started to be met with resistance. It was less "let's see what his plans are" and more "I'm not going to have that conversation with him and you need to make up for the difference in rent". I stopped pushing the issue and figured that after we were engaged he would get the message and see himself out. We've been engaged for over a year now and he has shown no signs of leaving, and has even started accruing knick-knacks/antiques again after selling or packing most of his stuff when we were still looking to move.
The other day I cracked -- I slipped down the stairs when our cat ran between my legs as I was going to feed him, causing me to slide into the dog gate, injuring me and requiring us to buy a new gate. In my mind, I slipped because our roommate has been contributing to my cat's bad meal time behavior by allowing him to steal food from the dog (he tried to emphasize several times that it was just a little, and continued to mention it looking for some kind of approval from me, which I was not giving because I'm trying to train this cat), and I slammed into the gate which was only there because he lets the dog come upstairs and doesn't watch her so she ruins the carpet. Obviously this isn't entirely logical, but at that moment I lost my temper and everything I had been internalizing came out at once and I felt like a crazy person.
This led to a surprisingly productive conversation regarding my feelings that I could not control for some of these issues we commonly quarrel over because they were in some way related to our roommate -- things like housecleaning, our sex life (his room shares a wall), and pet training. I explained that I want to know what our life would be like if just the two of us were responsible for everything that occurs under our roof, while at the same time saying that I obviously don't blame our roommate for all of our problems and don't expect him moving out to solve everything either. I assume he doesn't want to leave or he would have already, and she doesn't *really* want him to leave, but I do. She agreed that I had made plenty of concessions over the course of our relationship and that she would talk to him by the end of the month.
Now that she's agreed to talk to him, I feel like an asshole. I don't know for sure whether I'll be able to train the pets without his interference, or if our sex lives will dramatically improve -- I just don't see any other way of finding out with him still living here. I know that I'm putting us at a financial disadvantage (we both make more now so it's nothing we can't handle, but $ is $) based only on my desire to be truly alone with my future wife. I don't feel like it's my place to broach the subject to him since he was invited by my SO's mother, and my SO lived with him for years before I moved in...so I put the burden on her despite her not being the one who wants him to leave.
So Reddit, AITA for asking my SO/fiancee to make our roommate move out? | HISTORICAL | {
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RYXwAvXCEvv0ZA2ApBDJJtB3uIPTvD9B | aabeyb | {
"description": "being angry about my brother's internet usage",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being angry about my brother's internet usage ? | I'm not an native english speaker. I did my best to make this text as correct as possible, sorry if there's some mistakes.
So basically, I live in the countryside and my internet is terrible. If anyone in my family is watching a video or going on any website, it is nearly impossible to play any online video game. This bad connection already have been a source of arguments in our family.
Since the internet is that bad, we had to settle a planning for who and when can use the connection. Basically, some evenings my brother can use it all, some evenings it's me.
My brother and I both love competitive FPS and spend a lot of time playing on our computers. We play different games though. Most of the time we can play at the same time without any problems.
However my brother also spend a lot of time on YouTube. Not for watching stuff he's interested in, but rather to have something moving on his screen while he's chatting on his phone. The thing is, it's impossible for me to play or do anything on the internet when he does that.
Now I'd love to just turn off my computer and go out when stuff like this happens. But the nearest city is about 20 minutes by car from my house and I pay for the gas myself. Most of my friends are in another city for their studies. Internet is basically my only mean to "see" my friends.
I also love the games I play and want to get better at those. I play a lot of Overwatch, so I joined a team, play tournaments and I have a coach. I really want to turn the time I put into this game into something serious.
But I can't put as much effort into the game as I'd like to because sometimes the internet is being used by someone else. And it really bothers me when it's stuff like YouTube just to spend time.
Moreover, since we have this "connection planning", the only evenings I can play on are the one when I have to train with my Overwatch team. So whenever one of my friends asks to play with me, it's either "I can't I have to play with my team" or "I can't my brother is using the internet".
It really bugs me to think that I'm unable to play with people I like or do stuff I'm into because of something as stupid as YouTube videos.
Whenever I bring up the issue in my family, it either gets ignored or ends up in a violent argument.
I talked about this to my mom and she says that I shouldn't judge what my brother is doing on the internet.
AITA ?
| HISTORICAL | {
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66Mi0KCqJRRjudydqiE5p8m0rg1sxqEg | aykyyg | {
"description": "asking my date to pick me up",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for asking my date to pick me up? | This is a really petty and unimportant situation but I just want unbiased opinions.
I was supposed to go on a date with this guy. Let’s call him Door. It was gonna be our third date and I was excited cause we really hit it off on our other dates. The day of the date we were texting and agreed on a time of 5:30pm at a restaurant. Then he said that he’d “meet me there”. I don’t have my drivers license and he knows this. I’m really trying to get it but I’ve failed the test twice. I just thought he’d pick me up cause he already did for our 2 previous dates. I go through my options.
My parents are very nosy so I didn’t want to ask them for a ride to a date. It was way too far and too cold to walk. I really don’t like taking the bus. I’ve never ordered a taxi before. I didn’t want to inconvenience my friends by asking them for a ride.
Ultimately I just thought it’d make the most sense if he picked me up since his place isn’t far from my place. So I ask and he says “no, I’m not picking you up every time”. I review my options and decide to ask a friend. Luckily she has errands to do around 5:30pm and tells me she can give me a ride so it isn’t a total inconvenience for her. So I tell Door that I got a ride and the date is on.
It’s just before 5:30pm and Door texts me saying he’s at the restaurant but my ride isn’t here. I call and she says she’s in traffic but almost at my house. I tell Door that she’s in traffic and I should be at the restaurant in 7-10 minutes. Door tells me not to bother going and says he’s just gonna go home. He said we can go out another time but we haven’t talked since.
AITA for doing this? The majority of my friends think HE is the asshole, not me. But I personally feel like I am. Some friends say we both are. Am I being too hard on myself or are my friends not being hard enough? Maybe I should have sucked it up and taken the bus? Idk, what do y’all think? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
yhLjMYvhM8Njma9DoAcjyDGHjmcZ1fsD | a2x8be | {
"description": "breaking off a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Breaking off a friendship | I was typing this up but it became a giant wall of text. So long story short, I was interested in a girl, she wasn’t interested in me. Then she became interested in me but I was turned off by her. This went back and forth a few times. During all this time, about a year total, she would not stop talking about guys and having sex with them. She was even gleeful in talking about it. Not even 6 months into the friendship I made it clear that I didn’t want to hear about it. She kept talking about all these guys. It was to where she would talk about nothing else. I went on for vacation for a week, she didn’t want to hear about the vacation, only about some new dude she’s sleeping with. I had family in the path of a hurricane, ignores my talking and talks about guys.
I called her up about a month ago and asked her to stop, completely stop. All she did was make excuses for why she just talks about guys only.
The next day I asked a mutual friend to intervene, she told her to lay off the talk about guys or I would be lost as a friend. Again, many excuses were made for why this was a necessary topic.
A week after all of this, she has gone back to nothing but talking about guys. I blocked her on all social media and on the work IM program.
Am I the asshole? I felt I laid out the expectations for a friendship. I felt that it was one way, only her topics were talked about. I feel bad, she’s the only person I’ve had to block like this. The topic of guys constantly was stressing me out, affecting my work, sleep, home life. | HISTORICAL | {
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NiYHjmAiOYk6s2GbIyBnKcUJvCvuE3NU | 9we4ot | {
"description": "wanting to end it at a time like this",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to end it at a time like this? | Of late I've been feeling like I'm not happy in my relationship, but I'm giving it some time before deciding for sure if I want to end it or not. However, my partner's dad was recently diagnosed with cancer and the outlook isn't fantastic, shall we say. So with that being said, am I the asshole for feeling like this and contemplating ending it at a time like this? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
O26TNJ73rUe9C0bqcABZ500plbIM2shf | a97vwx | {
"description": "getting mad at my sister after she asked me when I was getting married",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for getting mad at my sister after she asked me when I was getting married ? | I’m sure I’m the asshole here but hear me out anyway - I’ve been with my bf for nearly 8 years. I’m approaching 27, and fairly sure he’s going to propose on my birthday. Having said that, I’m not 100% sure, and haven’t mentioned anything to anyone in case I’m wrong. Being in my mid/late twenties and in a long term relationship means I’ve been fielding “marriage and babies” questions for a while, but this year it has kicked up a notch. Tbh I’m really getting tired of it, especially because I’m running out of responses. My sister has made several jokey comments about this since I’ve come home for Christmas (a week) and tonight I snapped. Told her it wasn’t her business, she needs to stop asking me and I don’t want any more jokes. It was too harsh to be fair, but I’m losing the plot with what to say to these comments at this point. My partner never gets this type of question which is also driving me mad. Anyway - AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
tczBSiwKRjRBdpCxUAVG6fKJPg5PV7JS | arcfob | {
"description": "changing my son's shirt",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for changing my son's shirt? | My husband is a huge fan of a certain college team -- we'll call them the Bluebirds. I went to a different college -- the Tabbycats -- and while I care about the school itself, could not care less about sports. We also live about 1 hour away from my school and 4 from his. We decided to take our 2 year old son to a women's basketball game last weekend where the two teams were playing. For the 2 weeks leading up to the game, whenever he was asked who he was going to cheer for, he said the Tabbycats. Every. Single. Time. The day of the game comes and my husband brings my son downstairs in a Bluebirds shirt. I thought this was kind of sad since my son had never wavered on who he wanted to cheer for, so I changed him into a Tabbycats shirt and my husband got really upset. He thinks that he's got an uphill battle in terms of indoctrinating him since we live so close to my school and since I don't care about sports. Sports is something he bonded over with his dad and wants to do that with our son. I think it's important to let our son make his own choices but again, he's just 2 (and will likely change his allegiance in the future) so the whole thing seems a bit overblown and silly IMO. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EQCnZrX3M3yMmmwNUvkExC48J3UYg46o | ap8y3u | {
"description": "wanting to hate my father",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to hate my father? | There isn’t much of a simple way to put this. I’m 16, so I still live at home, and my parents are still together. Even though she pisses me off sometimes, I adore my mom. My father on the other hand... he is a very complicated man, to say the least.
He grew up in a rough household. His dad was abusive, and his mother supposedly tried to force her religion on him. I can’t imagine growing up in a household where you aren’t accepted for who you are- I am, for the most parts, the child my family wanted me to be. Of course they always preach about accepting your child no matter what, however I imagine that if I approached them saying I believed in God that they’d disown me or something. Maybe not my mom, but my dad would. I understand why, to an extent. But he’s the type to constantly talk down on Christianity and conservative-minded folk, simply for their beliefs, saying that it’s wrong. I’ve never liked that. I understand the extremists of those sides can be bad, but really, are there any nontoxic extremist types? It just bothers me. He’d rather just talk you down and tell you that you’re wrong than have a civil discussion and try to understand your point of view.
He was in the military after he graduated high school, but it was not for him. I don’t know what all happened to him when he was in the Navy, but whatever mental issues he had prior, they got worse. I was born right before he quit, so I don’t know what he was like beforehand. I do know he had attempted suicide during his service, but (obviously) failed. I don’t want to ask him about it. I’ve always been curious, but too scared. I’ll probably never ask. He’s very easily triggered (I hate that word and its connotation nowadays but that’s what it is), and I wouldn’t want to make things any worse. All I know is that it didn’t work out well for him.
My mother once described it as he likes to think he’s very empathetic, and he can be, but not always when it matters. Many of my early childhood memories are of him being angry with me. I remember when I was four, we were supposed to be leaving to go somewhere, but we weren’t really on any tight schedule. I couldn’t find my shoes. He got extremely mad, and long story short, ended up kicking a hole in a cabinet. Our old house was full of dents and cracks and holes from where he had kicked or hit things when he was angry. He never directly hit my brother or me, but we were always scared he would. Another time, I told him I had brushed my teeth, but I guess I hadn’t done a very good job of it. He accused me of lying about it, and I was to be punished. He took me to field hockey practice an hour or so early and made me run laps around the field. Now I wasn’t a very athletic child. I enjoyed hockey but even in elementary school we played on the full sized field and as a chubby, out of shape eight year old, it was a lot of work. I think I had to run five laps. Which doesn’t sound that bad, but like I said, chubby eight year old with short legs. It’s a lot of running. I was having trouble breathing through the sobs (he was yelling at me too) and trying to ask for water through the blubbering. But he refused to give it to me until I was done with my laps. It’s one of my most traumatizing childhood memories.
Basically he has anger issues stemming from his PTSD. He can’t keep a stable job. I remember he was always in and out of different kitchens (he went to culinary school when I was little) until he developed carpal tunnel, and since then, he’s just been trying to figure something out. He recently started college again, and it’s nothing too fancy, just a local university. But he thinks he’s hot shit for it. I’m proud of him and all, but he wants to teach at a local college that’s within the top 5 public schools in the country. I think he’s shooting a little high. He’s always been very egotistical. I guess you could consider it a god complex. He thinks his beliefs are superior to everyone else’s and that he’s always right- no matter what. It’s a lot of little things he does that really irk and upset me, but I know I’m sensitive. He talks about philosophy and a lot of other things we don’t care to hear so much about, and I feel really bad for not caring, but it simply just doesn’t interest me. He definitely thinks he’s extremely intellectual, but honestly, I think he’s just pretty average. And there’s nothing wrong with that. His ego just bothers me.
The reason I want to hate him is because I’m fairly certain he’s ruined my life. I know, I’m just an unstable teenager, of course I’m saying that. But I don’t think I’d be so depressed if it weren’t for him. Maybe I would, because who in this generation isn’t depressed, honestly? But I’m most definitely not okay, and I can easily attribute most of it to him. He’s scared me and scarred me so many times over. He says things that really hurt, but then claim he doesn’t remember saying that and making me seem crazy. He’ll fuss at me for interrupting him even if he wasn’t speaking, and then cut me off in the middle of a sentence. He constantly makes me feel like less of a person, and I don’t know where the line is drawn between his own mental issues and just being an asshole. It’s hard to see.
The reason I’m making this post is because of a pizza. He’s a vegetarian and we went out to my mother’s birthday lunch today with our family. All of our food was pretty screwed up, but they were doing their best to fix it and took quite a lot off our tab. Our waitress looked like she was about to cry the whole time- I felt so bad for her. But my family didn’t really care. The food was still pretty good and they were handling it well, so we were having a good time. My dad ordered a personal pizza, and there was a pepperoni on it. He immediately got really upset and started yelling and swearing- and it’s just embarrassing at this point. I’ve been really sick for months and didn’t even want to come, and I’ve had a looot of other things going on. And that just made me wish I had stayed home. I know he can’t control his temper but it just.. I don’t know. You get tired of it after a while. You just want it to stop.
I can’t hate my own father for his mental issues, but I just don’t know what’s what anymore. And it’s caused me so much hurt and so much pain. And my other family too. I can’t imagine what my mom or my brother feel. I want to cut myself off from him once I’ve moved out but I wouldn’t want to cut off my mother too. I very much enjoy the rest of my family. But I’m tired of the hurt. Since I was about 12 I’ve been on a serious mental roller coaster. I think right now I’m at the lowest I’ve ever been. Lots of self harm and suicidal thoughts/(pathetic) attempts. I’ve just now started to (sort of) get help. But I just don’t know how to feel about my father. There’s so much more to this that I just couldn’t type. I feel like an asshole for disliking him. But I’m hurting too. He’s not the only one.
TL;DR - My father has a plethora of mental problems, and it’s wreaked havoc on my own life. As much as I want to hate him, I don’t know where the line is between his mental issues and him being an asshole.
Am I the asshole for wanting to dislike him? | HISTORICAL | {
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kjU4RXL44wvQ4Qs1bPqdsGeQ8YwWEkpi | aiitoy | {
"description": "buying my 2 brothers a gift, but not my brothers fiance",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for buying my 2 brothers a gift, but not my brothers fiance. | I live together with my fiancé (Chiquita) and my 2 older brothers (Eldest: Steve Second Eldest:John) live together with Steve's fiancé(Jessica). Christmas time comes around and me and my Chiquita are pretty low on funds and also very recently found out that we have a baby on the way. I did let both of my brothers know about the baby and so we really only bought a couple gifts to hand out during Xmas.
The only gifts we really bought, even though the family is pretty big, was for my mom and my two brothers. Steve did at one point ask me what I myself wanted for Christmas and I did mention a couple things. The gifts we bought were nothing extravagant and we had left them at the house on Christmas Day, so we did not have them during the passing out of the gifts. I did receive a gift from Steve signed from both him and his fiancé , it was definitely a bit more than I had spent on mine. I thanked them quite a bit and also used the gathering of the family to announce our child to my family. I even sent them a text thanking them for the gift they gave me. (some kitchen appliance)
Couple days later John and I are hanging out and he says that it was inconsiderate of me to get only him and my other brother gifts knowing that there are 3 people in the household? I asked if he was serious because I do not think that gifts should be expected seemed a bit entitled to expect. He said yes and that he agreed with her and that if in the future if I was going to only get them a gift that I shouldn't even bother. I said that seemed kind of rude and even if I didn't get her a gift, I would hope that he appreciates my present to him. He said that it's rude and that in the future he would just not accept the gift if that was the case. Another thing I forgot to mention is that my family even has a secret Santa event every year and I did not participate for the same reasons, so it's not like she didn't receive any gifts at all. I don't know, seems a bit entitled to me but what do you guys think?
TLDR: Gave my 2 brothers a gift, but not the fiancé they live with and they think it is inconsiderate. | HISTORICAL | {
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"NOBODY": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
FLUjGET9qi20QvanaYlF1Tzg66FNv9r1 | a1lmon | {
"description": "applying for the same job as my best friend without telling her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For applying for the same job as my best friend without telling her? | I'm really torn on submitting my application. My whole deal is kind of a long story but essentially; I am currently 6 months post grad from nursing school. I've been significantly depressed for a multitude of reasons including & not limited to: failing my first NCLEX attempt (have yet to retake), being broken up with, feeling extremely aimless, uninspired, unfulfilled, and just generally lost about the current direction of my life. I have always been cursed with indecisiveness and complicity.
I currently have a job offer at a unit I've worked at as a tech for over a year now, and while they are very dedicated employees & have been nothing but nice to me, I just can't see myself working there forever. I've realized I'm not passionate about the work I would be doing there.I tried looking for opportunities but was continually discouraged when looking through job listings & found nothing available interested me. So I decided to just accept a full time position where I currently was, just to pass the time. This was ages ago, I've had anxiety about taking my boards another time so I've rescheduled it multiple times now - I will be taking them very soon, willing I feel truly ready. My current unit has kept my job offer open to me & I will be able to start as soon as I've passed. They have been so understanding, I almost don't understand why they'd be willing to wait for me like this.
Fast forward to yesterday - my best friend in the whole world is graduating from nursing school in a few short weeks and has been hesitant to apply, but finally did, and heard back from this really awesome unit. She's a naturally nervous person, so for her to hear back was a really big deal. The thing about her & I - we're best friends for a reason. Our interests, motivators, challenges, etc. are nearly identical. I love her to death and she is my number one source of support. We have had very similar journeys. I am really interested in the position that she applied for too and the idea of getting to work there (especially with her!) would be an actual dream come true. But I can't help but feel it's an asshole move for me to apply for this job, when A) I don't know how many positions are available B) I haven't told her I want to apply C) I wouldn't have known the position was open if she hadn't told me.
I don't know what to do. I don't think I'll be able to "steal" this from her, I in no way think I'm better than her. But if I were to be offered an interview, i have to consider the possibility I get a position and she doesn't. She would never ever forgive me. But I am at a point in my life where I am so miserable and I cry everyday because I have no idea what the hell I'm doing & if I even have a future. This is the first time in months I've felt motivated to actually do something to change my life and not just settle for what was already laid out for me. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do though, no matter how I feel, I don't want to risk our friendship & I have a gut feeling this is pushing it. I'm seriously so torn. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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lEfWdo9zrRs6mR89giHDQp3TmI4CSn7Y | alnabw | null | AITA if whistleblowing my employer could cause dozens of sheltered homeless people to be forced back onto the streets? | So I used to work at this horrible nonprofit that shelters over 100 homeless adults. I was witness to potential sexual assault that we reported immediately to the Executive Director, who told us to keep our mouths shut about it for fear the shelter would get kicked out of the building and shut down (his employees were afraid to challenge him due to his volatile nature as the only one who did before then was fired shortly after). I was also witness to needles left about in the space with crystal meth in them (and needles that were empty/likely used), presented the issue to higher up staff, and they did nothing about it even with knowledge of which homeless participants were involved. Thankfully, I no longer work there.
On the one hand, it's a no brainer these things are wrong as they present safety issues to the community. This nonprofit operates only at night in a space that is shared with many other groups, including organizations that educate children. Anyone in this community is endangered by the conditions created by the presence of the shelter.
On the other hand, reporting these issues (if I even knew who would receive such a report and act on it) could jeopardize the shelter that is necessary to protecting those who depend on its being open, as well as those who depend on the services of other community partners who share the space of the building. It could jeopardize the very existence of the space and those who operate in it - ruining reputations, ending jobs, etc. I could also be an asshole to myself by putting myself in danger if the crazy person in charge of this nonprofit found out I were the whistleblower.
I'm not seeking advice, just your judgment whether I'd be the asshole for reporting this. My DM's are open for any communications that should not be in this sub regarding the matter. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
w5vLHLhbxtKiDzjNzTvwFvQ35JWzc1NB | a0dz1f | {
"description": "telling my coworker's wife about his affairs",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for telling my coworker's wife about his affairs? | I created a fake Facebook profile & sent a coworker's wife an anonymous message letting her know he has been cheating on her.
I work with this guy who is constantly bragging about his mistresses, one night stands, hookups in the office, etc.
He does this while simultaneously talking up how much money his wife makes and how his in laws are in the process of buying them a house & will leave them a multi-million dollar inheritance.
Honestly, it just bothers me that he's so unfaithful in his marriage but still gets to reap the benefits of having wealthy in-laws. Obviously, he's an asshole for cheating... am I also an asshole for reaching out to her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 43,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 44,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
FrRbI58thURkIJmRhcX7xt2zadzMT4jv | b7tyin | {
"description": "deleting a photo of myself on my Mom's phone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for deleting a photo of myself on my Mom's phone? | Backstory: Cockfighting is (unfortunately) still legal in Mexico. I am very against the sport, as I view it as barbaric and cruel. My grandparents own a condo in the country and invited me down for spring break. They wanted to show us the local culture in the town they are in, and took us to a ranch that raised fighting cocks. I initially did not want to go in, but I also did not want to disappoint my grandparents. They are almost 90, and we don't know how long they have left. I begrudgingly went in and pretended everything was fine. It started out innocently enough, with the rancher letting us hold the roosters. Then, I got more and more uncomfortable. He put the roosters in a cockfighting ring and had my brother and I stand on opposite sides and release the fighting cocks to simulate a match. I found out that usually, a cockfight results in both animals dying, but for this demonstration, the rancher put "gloves" on them so neither would get hurt (still barbaric in my opinion, though). After a couple minutes of watching them attack each other, he gathered them up and put them back in their cages.
I was pretty disgusted by the spectacle but figured no harm was done and we left. Then, I found out that my mom and grandpa filmed me doing this. I found a video of me looking pretty uncomfortable holding a rooster obviously meant for cockfighting. When I got back to the condo, I quickly deleted anything that had me in it. When my mom and brother found out about this, they were pissed. Evidently, they are not as against the sport as I am. I had deleted the video of my brother participating because it had me in it as well. It was the only video that actually showed the roosters fighting. However, I did not delete the other pictures of him and my mom holding the animals, only the ones with me. They said that I should have asked before doing this, but I held firm that I didn't care if they allowed me to or not. I did not want a photo of myself doing something that I have a huge ethical issue with, even if it was legal and only done to make my grandparents happy.
Was I in the wrong for deleting these without asking first? I don't regret it, as I don't want anyone getting the idea that cockfighting is something I support. Should I have kept the video if my brother wanted me to?
Also, how should I approach my grandparents about this? They have footage of me as well, which I would like them to delete, but I don't want to hurt their feelings or act less grateful for how inviting me.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
49mXwb65Jk1lHhuPHHZYxTeXtvtZ4rea | 9uogp2 | {
"description": "absolutely cooking this girl in class",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 33
} | AITA for absolutely cooking this girl in class | Ok so this girl is a known a-hole and has been on her phone all class during presentation week when everyone is trying to not freak out and present their projects. Everyone is listening but her. After I notice I wait till one presentation ends, call her out quietly (but everyone noticed), she stops. For one presentation. Then her phone is back out. Later on the presentations are done and we’re talking w our teacher. We had a “chapel” earlier and she said she wasn’t paying attention during it and asked what it was about. I said “it was about being a good person in general and just respecting your peers and friends and classmates”, I was being petty here but whatever. My teacher said she was glad the message wasn’t lost on me. I said “It was definitely lost on some people.” Everyone knew who I was sub tweeting and laughed hard and long. She didn’t laugh and before everyone quieted down she left almost crying. AITA for cooking her in front of everyone? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 33,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 33
} | WRONG |
ULJDrXOa2q6dnjpSEd2iVPvmE2O6EM87 | amz2bs | {
"description": "ruining family vacation",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ruining family vacation? | My sister has always been a generally miserable human being and verbally abusive. For about a year, during my senior year of college, my sister moved to a spot in the city fairly close to me and the two of us became really good friends and spent a lot of time together. That changed over the past six months.
​
She goes below the belt during arguments. I do not argue that way and prefer to keep arguments about the subject at hand. Several months ago, we got into an argument about something stupid which devolved into her making below the belt comments and making fun of me for struggling with my mental health for the past few months. When I called her out, she said I did the same thing which I most certainly don't do and anybody I know will say that would be very unlike me to do so. She didn't see anything wrong with what she did and I told her that if she didn't see why this was an issue I was going to cut her out of my life. We eventually made up but I told her that this was not a healthy way to handle confrontation.
​
Fast forward a few months. She's struggling financially and texts me to ask for $30 because she ran out of medication and needed to borrow some money to pick it up. I didn't think anything of it and lent it to her. Less than a week later my mom emailed me to ask if I wanted to meet her after work to go to the holiday market downtown and asked if I wanted her to invite my sister. I said no problem, but my mom changed her mind and said that my sister hadn't been feeling well because she hadn't taken her medication in three days so my mom had just lent her money for it. I got upset because she clearly had lied to me. I messaged her and asked what happened. She lied again. I told her I didn't like being lied to and she COMPLETELY lost her shit. Started saying I was a piece of shit, a joke, and a crappy person for questioning her. Went on a full verbally abusive tirade about how I'm a terrible person and should be ashamed of myself. She admitted that she lied because she needed the money for food and was embarrassed to ask. I replied that she should never be embarrassed to be struggling and if she asked for money for food I wouldn't have batted an eye. I lent my best friend money countless times throughout undergrad when she didn't have enough to feed herself and I would never judge someone for struggling.
​
She continued to tell me I should be ashamed, that I'm a dumb bitch and to not fucking test her, that she hopes if she kills herself that I hate myself for the rest of my life, yada yada yada. Doesn't really bother me when she says this stuff anymore because that's who she is and I literally don't care about her opinion (except for the suicide part, when I told her I was going to send the police to her apartment to check on her). I wasn't responding aggressively because I have no desire to stoop to her level but I basically decided at that moment that I needed to cut her out of my life. She's my ONLY source of interpersonal drama and I'm already dealing with my own stuff. I haven't spoken to her since before christmas and christmas was suuuuuper awkward.
​
The issue is my mom is on my back about making up with her. She thinks I'm being some dramatic child and an asshole for not talking to my sister and basically told me I have to make up with her by the time family vacation rolls around. I even said I wouldn't mind staying behind on vacation while the three of them go. It doesn't sound appealing to spend a week with my immediate family since we had never been close and hadn't been on vacation together since I was 16 (almost 7 years ago). My dad has no idea that I don't plan on going because he and my sister also don't get along and I don't want to start unnecessary drama between the two of them by telling him about the fight. So the vacation thing for all four of us probably isn't happening because of me and they might be canceling the vacation. Am I the asshole for ruining it?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
YyU9yZcCmjivUXTAWGCrrLHDlEYcMunz | aefhp5 | {
"description": "not calling my grandfather on his birthday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not calling my grandfather on his birthday? | Yesterday was my grandpa's birthday. I didn't realize it was until my mom texted me reminding me at about 1am, and at that point I was already laying in bed & wasn't about to get up to call him then. I texted that to her and she responded with "Oh god" about half hour later, which I didn't see until I woke up.
The thing is, I feel somewhat uncomfortable having her even ask me to call him, and even weirder that she seems to be irritated that I didn't ~on his actual birthday~. I have never been close with him and neither has my mother. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few months back (it's still very mild for him) and since then she seems to have been trying to have a closer relationship with him, which I get, however he beat the shit out of her all the time when she was a kid & has historically been pretty bad tempered so I have never been really fond of him.. not that he'd done anything like that to me but still.. not a close relationship.
Anyhow, I tried to call today, no answer. I am planning to try and call one more time tomorrow if I don't get a call back tonight.
I feel weird about all this, almost all my family is estranged so things like phone calls on birthdays for someone I have never been close with don't make sense to me.
My mom still seems irritated with me though and I'm wondering if my grandparents are as well.
Am I the asshole for not calling on his birthday/feeling weird about it at all? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
M0F3awQkoIFxQnQHwRCRDAkvHwxcPeMu | b3ikem | {
"description": "telling my best friend I wouldn't answer his phone calls anymore",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my best friend I wouldn’t answer his phone calls anymore? | Me and my best mate have a great relationship and he loves to call me to check in and see how I’m going or to share something he had recently learned. I usually enjoy the calls and appreciate him wanting to talk.
However this can get a bit annoying when he calls me pretty early in the morning. I go to bed around 12-1 for work reasons (freelance stuff) and wake up at 8.05 for work reasons (day job) and if I don’t get at least 7-8 hours sleep I know the next day is going to suck.
This morning he calls at 7am and wakes me up so for the first time ever I don’t answer his morning call because I assume it’ll once again be something that really doesn’t need to be woken up for. After it rings out I just go back to sleep and wait for my alarms to sort me out at 8am. After I get up i see he has texted me something about new information he has about creatine (something we were talking about the night before). So the following messages went something like this.
Me : Bro stop calling me before 8
Him : You lil bitch
Me : I will never answer before 8 anymore
He then gets pretty pissed off and calls me an unreliable friend and that he would pick up anytime no matter what. His response was dry and sarcastic so I could tell he was pretty pissed off.
Standing by what I said I then responded by telling him I use to answer morning calls but they always weren’t urgent or could have been communicated via text or at least a call after I’d woken up. I then compared him to the boy who cried wolf in the way that if all your morning calls were unimportant I’d assume that when you finally actually needed help I’d assume the call was once again unimportant.
He hasn’t replied which usually means he’s offended. This happened just after I woke up so I wasn’t exactly in a pearly mood but I stand by what I said. Am I the asshole?
TLDR: best mate keeps calling me early in the morning about things that aren’t urgent, I told him I wouldn’t answer those calls anymore | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
w4UJVHNmjHmQtphbXoOj5yQLOuMKMwQB | aw70js | {
"description": "continuing a relationship under the false pretense of marriage",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 75
} | AITA for continuing a relationship under the false pretense of marriage? | I am in my mid-fifties approaching retirement and recently went through a devastating divorce. I lost my house, half of the savings and fortunately no alimony payments. My wife was a working professional and towards the end, it felt like marriage was more about frugal living than love. We had been married for 32 years and had two wonderful children, both of which are girls. I wouldn’t trade away my relationship with them for anything, truly my pride and joy. They are ages 26 and 29, three years apart.
However, I can’t depend on my limited family to deal with the crippling isolation after work. My wife and I were not social in the sense that I do not have a strong network to *jump back into things*. In any case at my age, the dating world has changed a lot compared to when I met my ex-wife. It seems that you have a couple of sites that are appropriate for your maturity that lead to date after date of noncommittal garbage. After several months of dating people my age to no avail, I signed up for a sugar daddy dating service.
For someone my age, I take great care of myself and go to the gym regularly. I was able to start a relationship with a 19-year-old that seems to have come from a rough background. I am a little worried about some of the shadier people from her past. But who am I to say anything? I have two kids. I care for her deeply and provide for her needs as she does for me. We have had this arrangement for about half a year and things have gotten more serious, we have started talking about marriage. I can’t help but feel guilty when I hear her talk about how she sees a future with me.
When she talks about marriage, my mind always goes back to thinking about how we met on a sugar daddy dating service and the rigid gender role implications. I’ve made a spreadsheet and if I work for an extra half decade or so, I could realistically maintain the relationship until I die. I just don’t have the self-control to tell her I have no interest in that level of commitment again. Partially, I am worried that she would not get along with the small remaining family that I have left.
Essentially, I am dating a younger girl as I am approaching retirement. She wants to get married. I plan on continuing this relationship for as long as possible with the intent of never getting married. I do not plan on communicating this to her. Love, dating and relationships seem to be morally ambiguous, am I an asshole for treating my girlfriend the same way people my age have treated me in the dating world? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 73,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 75
} | WRONG |
2VdutMegEVzZzugj5q68wocB1HxymjEU | al9rfc | {
"description": "wanting to switch food vendors for our wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to switch food vendors for our wedding. | My (24M) fiancée (23F) and I are getting married. We have been dating for over 6 years and are having a short engagement period. This means we don't have much time to find vendors and plan/coordinate the wedding.
We were recently looking for food vendors when my Mother brought up that a friend of my parents made barbecue and had won some awards at the local cook off competitions. We were told that they would give us a good deal and that we could have good barbecue for cheap, but when the quote arrived it was 25$ per person. This seemed a little steep for the budget my fiancée and I had set for ourselves. We thanked them for their time and moved on.
We ended up finding a coworkers aunt who had done quinceañeras and a few small weddings for around 7$ a plate. We thought to ourselves this food would be either really cheap and not of good quality or perhaps the perfect choice for us. We sampled the food the lady was offering for the wedding and decided that it wasn't amazing but it was good enough especially for it only being 7$ a plate.
Fast forward to a few hours ago and I get another message from the previous vendor who offered us at 25$ per person. He states that the quote they sent us was an error and he meant 10$ per plate as he was a family friend and would love to help us. When I heard that I got excited because for just 3$ more we would be able to get food that was "amazing" and had won awards locally, but when I told my wife to be she was not happy at all stating that she was done with the food planning and didn't want to think about it anymore. Note, we haven't put down a deposit for the food yet so nothing was set in stone, but she didn't seem to care about, what I thought was, a potentially great deal. She stated that how much better can the barbecue even be (the cheaper place was also doing barbecue) and at our current guest count an increase of 3$ more was an extra 500$. She thought that I was just trying to appease my mother by switching to her friend instead of sticking with that we had originally planned. I just thought the price/quality ratio was more in our favor and was upset she didn't even want to consider it. I understand she is getting stressed and I also understand that having to go back to something she considered checked off the list is not ideal but should she outright dismiss it? I'm not sure.
​
AITA for getting upset she doesn't want to change vendors?
​
Just as some additional information the delivery and serving fee were included in the price of the per plate price listed above. I also will admit that there is a little bit of tension between my mother and my fiancée mostly due to my mother getting upset we weren't considering some of her friends for vendors ( some other people were a little too pricey ) and believing I am just letting her decide everything (which isn't the case). | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
YFRvsIH1TLQmW3P3Yord8EuyMji47Kdt | b5isvy | {
"description": "telling my sister not to move back to CA",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I told my sister not to move back to CA? | My sister and her husband moved to SC from CA in 2012ish. From what we know, he left CA to get away from his family and my sister wanted to come back home. Our mom was gracious enough to allow them to live in one of her properties for less than $800/month and has "borrowed" at least $5000 from our mom. They have always been tight and irresponsible with money. They have a 9 month old baby and when they have to work night shifts, my brother or mom is always available to watch him.
My sister is an EMS tech and he works at a gas station. Neither have degrees and both forget that the cost of living in CA is different than in SC. The help they have now will be gone if they decide to move and/ or come back. His parents have somehow convinced him that because paychecks are higher on the west coast, they will be okay but forget that the COL is higher as well. They struggle to pay rent and to keep up with what they have now.
We understand that her husband's family wants to be close to their son and grandson but they have been looking to live about an hour away from his parents.
Originally, my sister said he can move back and she'll just see their son in the summer but all of a sudden she is okay with going
Does that make me/ us the asshole or just selfish for not wanting them to make an irresponsible decision? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lDt24R5UBl2Ra6UYVhrEkVVS76XKRIcC | 9u9w64 | {
"description": "telling a homeless person to go away",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a homeless person to go away? | This happened a while ago, and for reference I'm a pretty avg sized girl, 5ft 4, 115lbs etc.
Anyways, it was maybe 10pm and I was walking back from the gas station store to my parked car, when I was approached by a taller man. I was with another female friend and as he came up to us, I just started walking faster and got a bit defensive, I'm not 100% sure what he asked but I think he asked for money. I didn't want to engage but I panicked and just responded with a sharp, "no, go away". The man got upset and started mumbling things angrily (like repeating what I said) and just walked off, while I just ran to my car and drove off. My friend looked at me like I was a jerk for saying what I did but I just panicked. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0HIlOsvknFMgZXvtHv0nnRkvSHbJINIP | aqlq1s | {
"description": "getting mad at my classmate for wanting to help on the project when she's just making me work more and harder",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at my classmate for wanting to help on the project when she's just making me work more and harder? | First of all, english is not my first language so please read patiently and forgive my mistakes.
Now, a bit of context: I'm in college and my classmate is one of those who are pretty bad at almost every subject, makes jokes about failing everything all the time and answers almost everything with "I don't know.". So, my physics teacher tell us we are going to do a project on pairs at the lab. We couldn't choose our partner, unfortunately, and that classmate (I'll call her N) ended up being my partner. I already knew things would go terrible because we had a chemistry lab project before and her partner (who is the smartest and most hardworking girl in my class ironically) had to do it all on her own because N didn't know how to do anything but since I had no "good excuse" to change partners they wouldn't let me and I didn't want to start a drama since, before working with her, I thought she was very nice.
The lab part was "easy" but very very tiring and boring. It was basically observing a pendulum and counting in how many seconds it made 10 oscillations in different scenarios. No big deal if we didn't have to do that more than a 100 times, literally. So that means I had to focus on the pendulum more than a 1000 oscillations counting one by one without mentioning the times we had to restart because of something. It was 6 hours of counting, 3 hours each day. So yeah, not hard of course but, at least for me, exhausting. And I did it all. Changing the balls and other stuff we used, counting everything, making all the maths and writing, using and organizing all the data. Everytime I told her to do something N said she didn't know how to do it and even if she finally tried something she would do it so wrong that I ended up doing it again because we were losing a lot of time.
Now that that part is done, the real project begins. We have to use all the data to make a report and that's what's going to be marked and if we fail we'll fail the subject even if we have a 10 on the exam. We started yesterday and I can't believe it but she is even worse at making this report than doing the lab work. Whenever I'm not writing I have to read what she is doing because she is either coping from my teachers guide or writing things that makes no sense and repeating herself. So, I write my part and rewrite hers almost entirely. I talked to my other classmates about it and they told me it'd be better if I do the project on my own but N feels bad for not helping on the lab and is constantly asking me to do it together or give her something to do but I'm 99.99% sure that I'll have to redo whatever she does at this point. I only give her credit for doing a couple of drawings (which are a few sticks and the ball and naming the parts) and a graph (she only had to write the data on an app that did the graph automatically). It's nice she did it but considering everything I'm doing, I still feel like it's not enough.
So, WIBTA if I told her to just stop helping me? How can I explain her the situation without hurting her feelings too much?
Btw, no, I can't change partners. Every group has different data from the experiment and all the lab work is done. And we have another project several weeks from now and she would still be my partner for that as well
Thanks for reading | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
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} | RIGHT |
Co6iPwofIo9uzqxrw2v7ARKEENp3RfGm | a4zv2a | {
"description": "being upset with my partner after something he said that upset me, but now he's hurt that I brought it up again",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being upset with my partner after something he said that upset me, but now he's hurt that I brought it up again? | A few months ago, I was camping with some friends. The four of us were chatting and I was making coffee and generally just doing everything for the group.
The conversation went into a place where we spoke about money. Someone was saying that they wouldn't be able to afford a drug addiction. I then said something like "well I guess I could but that would be dangerous. I could definitely have one for a while". I was conveying that it would be a bad thing for me.
For context, everyone in the group has jobs and makes money. I have a job that makes substantially more money (software). Their jobs are absolutely fine but I just make more because it's software and I've worked really hard to get there. No one is proud of me ever because it's more than them. I can deal with that. I generally am generous with my money for friends and as of the conversation I'm literally making/providing things for these people for free.
After my comment, my boyfriend said something like "it must be nice to be able to afford that" and all three roared with laughter. I felt super hurt immediately, especially as I'm giving everyone things. I tried to recover by clarifying but everyone was laughing so hard still.
I moved off to the side and felt hurt. Later on I told my boyfriend that was he said hurt me, and I reiterated that I already feel guilty for having more money so this didn't help. He was somewhat apologetic. He essentially was just sorry I reacted. He didn't mean it, etc.
Months later, a couple nights ago, I'm on the path to giving away more things to the same group of people. I mentioned in passing about the time in the summer and how again I'm giving things away and I hope that it's appreciated.
My boyfriend then becomes really hurt. I'm really confused. I ask him what's going on and what happened to cause his sudden hurt. It's because I have mentioned this event and I'm now holding it over him. I try to gently explain that yes I still think about it and it hurt me a lot. He tells me that he is hurt more that I'm bringing it up. I'm bringing it up because it was relevant to the thing I was doing, and yes I'm still a bit hurt by it. I tell him that I didn't like that comment he made way back when. I wasn't trying to start a fight or anything. I think it's within my right to express how I feel.
At this point I'm very confused. It seems that I can't express how I was hurt by his comment without him being more hurt that I'm talking about it. He then angrily/sarcastically apologized saying "I'm sorry that something I said affected you when it shouldn't have and that your reaction wasn't what I expected". I was pretty upset about that, but I didn't see any way to help the situation so I just said "okay" and vowed never to express how I feel again.
Tldr am I the asshole for expressing how I felt hurt towards the person who did the hurting (unintentional but still hurt), which then made them feel somehow worse? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
LXB17A441HIEQATssIG8pq4xt38dbJqX | b1wikf | {
"description": "wanting to spend my money how I want",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to spend my money how I want? | My gf(28) and I(31) are at a crossroads. She likes to do the usual going out for dinner and going places. I like spending my money on my jeep to go out hunting and fishing. I like maintaining my truck to do the same. Jeeps for the rougher roads. She knew who I was before we started dated. Im considering breaking off the relationship cause I dont want to listen to the complaints how we cant do this and that cause I cant afford to pay for it all. She works, but spends her money on herself and a few things for the house. I do love her, but I love my freedom too. I hate cringy status quo generic dates and that whole scene. Id rather be stuck in 4ft of clay mud. I waited after 6 years of being single I finally got back into a relationship. I feep trapped by the status quo, she wants kids. I don't. I cant stand the thought of raising kids tell I die of old age. Id rather be free from paying thousands of dollars to put my kids in hockey and sports so my wife can pretend we are rich. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
q7LKCT2PnK0TSY6kdwzR4zElpk2bsGrQ | b0luxi | {
"description": "hating my sister and her dog",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for hating my sister and her dog? | Background information: I’m a teenager who lives with my mom, dad, little sister and little brother. We have 2 dogs and a lizard (In my opinion the lizard is important).
Now to the meat and potatoes. My sister has a dog named Oscar. We got him last summer. When my sister wanted a dog my parents said sure and she got a dog in a matter of days without doing any research whatsoever. She promised to care for it and refused to, doing so means I have to do most of the work. No one else in the family wanted another dog except her. The dog is barely housebroken and has knocked me down multiple times. Her solution... put him in his crate only making him more crazy. He attacks me and everyone in my family (Including her) and she thinks he’s (In her words, not mine) adorable!
Last year I wanted a pet lizard. I’ve been doing research for months on the this species of lizard, even memorizing its scientific name. When I asked my parents explaining everything and telling them what I’ve been doing they told me I had to do more chores and get better grades. I became a A student (Somehow) and did the dishes cleaned all the rooms in the house and walked the other dog (Who is very well behaved) and my sister’s dog. I received Ringo in a 2 months. [Here’s ](https://imgur.com/gallery/p5luq1N) a shit quality picture.
My sisters dog urinates and defecates a lot in the house do to her refusal to walk him or even take him outside. Whenever I try to motivate her to take him outside she bursts into tears and says I’m calling her fat getting me in trouble.
It’s frustrating and annoying. I tell my parents about the issue and they agree with me however they refuse to do anything about it. I don’t like making her cry and every time she does it makes me feel horrible about my self.
So Reddit AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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7pV27y9QPMKJKQBtfIVfJaAa17wMxZUS | a512ld | {
"description": "telling my gf to finish her project herself",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my GF to finish her project herself? | So my girlfriend collects movies. She has over 5000 unique titles in her collection. In order to save space in the attic she has started putting them all into DVD cases.
I have helped her along the way with organizing and entering all of her movies into a simple spread sheet. Along with that as she has put them into these cases I have numbered the movies in the spread sheet with the corresponding case number in order to find movies easier in the future.
The last case that I was entering (It was a particularly difficult one to finish) ended up taking me 3 days. (This wasn't the last of the movies but we only buy a few cases at a time).
On the 3rd day she asks if I am done yet. I tell her no that I will finish it either today or tomorrow.
She get super pissed saying that she wants to get it out of the living room and that I am just slacking off instead of helping her.
I explain why it was taking longer and also point out that I have cleaned nearly the entire house these last couple days on top of helping her by myself.
And out of frustration I finish with, "and if you don't like the speed in which I am doing you a favor you can fuck off and do it yourself, I'm done."
This exploded into a bigger fight which concluded with her saying, "fine, we will just never do anything for each other again. You do your shit and I'll do mine." | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 3,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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DRmwksjvxjTUkPlrSJxr68d4mq1uw6Pj | amnfdt | {
"description": "leaving kitchen supplies in my dorm and asking my roommates for the money",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for leaving kitchen supplies in my dorm and asking my roommates for the money? | TL;DR at the bottom
So I lived in a four person apartment this past fall semester (two bedrooms, a kitchen and a bathroom). Before school started I made a google doc to sort out who would buy what so everyone would pay around the same cost. I ended up buying the majority of the kitchen supplies; you know, a decent nonstick pot/pan set, a colander, silverware, cooking utensils, etc.
My roommate Miranda didn't really respect my space but I put up with it. Pretty early on into the semester my roommate's boyfriend named Tom moved into our room. She told me that the first time they had sex was in my bed, but not to worry because they did it on top of my covers. I ended up moving into my boyfriend's room because it was too much to bear (plus Tom snored). My boyfriend lived in a single room, so I kept most of my things at my apartment. After my moving, I found Miranda sleeping in my bed multiple times after coming back to the room to get some of my things. Some of my things went missing mysteriously. I was just really annoyed at this point and was happy to not be living there.
I knew at the beginning of the semester that I was applying to go abroad this spring semester and was accepted a little bit before our Thanksgiving break. When we came back, I texted everyone that I was going to be packing up everything they didn't want, and that they should sort through the things I bought because I would sell it back to them. The price before taxes was $149, but since everything was used (predominantly by Miranda) I would take 20% off (which I thought was fair).
Fast forwarding to the end of finals, I reminded everyone again but never heard back. One of the girls in the other room was moving out. The plan was that Tom would move into my room, and the boyfriend (Matt) of the girl in the other room (Stacey) would move in as well. Stacey mentioned she was thinking about buying a new set of pots and pans, but never gave me a definitive answer.
My brother came to help me pack everything up. He noticed that all of the kitchen utensils were dirty and a lot of the pots and pans were scratched (since they're nonstick, they were kind of ruined). I thought it was unfair that they left everything in the condition they were in. We were pressed for time because we had to fly back home, and also felt it wasn't fair we had to clean kitchen utensils I barely even used. I texted Miranda and she seemed okay with me leaving everything. I then texted Matt, Stacey, and Tom in a group chat saying I would leave everything expecting them to venmo me back by the start of this semester. I thought I would be doing them a favor by saving them a trip to the store to buy everything again. I also thought that I would be giving them the best price considering the fact that I tried to buy the cheapest appliances I could find in Bed Bath and Beyond, and I would be selling it to them at a discount. I was additionally under the impression that we were going to room together again our junior year next year (which is still the plan to my knowledge), so by selling it to them we wouldn't have two of everything. Apparently I was really wrong to put my faith in these people.
Two days before the semester I texted everyone another reminder. Miranda even said that they'd be splitting the cost of everything. A day into the semester Stacey said that Matt bought a new pot/pan set and that they just wanted to give everything back to my boyfriend saying, "You kinda did just leave it here when we said we were gonna get other shit, so your boyfriend can just get it back to you." I then tried to explain that no one communicated their plans to me, so I left everything in good faith to try to save them an extra expense and trip.
Miranda then said that they tried to make it clear to me that they wanted me to take my things and that they found brand new appliances for way cheaper than I was selling it back to them for. At this point I told them I would be open to negotiating a fair price so I wouldn't have to involve my boyfriend. They told me they didn't want two of everything and to tell my boyfriend to take it all. I listed out everything he would take, and then Miranda said it would be helpful to keep the silverware (Oneida 20 piece set for $35 originally) and these bamboo cooking utensils ($10 from walmart). I asked them to get back to me in a week. When I didn't hear back I reached out two weeks later to confirm what my boyfriend would take. He ended up taking everything but those two items for me.
So everything I left totaled to $43 but I asked the four of them for $7.50 each. They also said that the "set wasn't complete" and that there were mismatching spoons/knives/forks (probably due to the fact that they brought a few of their own and some silverware from frat houses ended up in our apartment). They then said that they found cheaper silverware for $18 and that I should've made the price I was asking for clear before they decided to keep the silverware because "it's ridiculous to pay that much for used and incomplete sets". I said I felt disrespected because nothing was clear to me and this is becoming a hassle for my boyfriend. They said it was my fault for leaving my property in the apartment. Stacey said that Matt would bring the remaining things up to my boyfriend. Tom said he would even personally pay to ship it to me (pay for shipping *and* new silverware?) and to stop making a big deal.
Matt never did. So when my boyfriend went to pick everything up a week later, they said it was still dirty and to come back another day. So they are continuing to use my things even though they have all brand new appliances which confuses me. My boyfriend is going back tomorrow, and I hope that for all of the trouble they at least give me matching silverware because Bed Bath and Beyond (and Oneida!) definitely don't sell mismatching sets of silverware.
​
AITA for asking for this money back? Were my intentions unclear? Did I make a big deal out of everything? Were my roommates clearer than I interpreted?
​
TL;DR I did not return for spring semester and left my kitchen appliances in my apartment thinking I would be saving my roommates money and time. I thought they would pay me back the discounted rate but they ended up buying all new appliances and made my boyfriend take numerous trips to the apartment to pick everything up.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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nWoNioUEO420IlL15NA9zTrEHztCcinu | b7veaa | {
"description": "telling the cleaning service that we have cameras",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling the cleaning service that we have cameras? | I'm at my sister's house for a few weeks. My sister is a single mom to two kids and there are always visitors or other family/friends coming and going. It's a kind of like a revolving door around here. I noticed that she can't really handle all of the cleaning as the house is quite large and there are always people around so we discussed and she told me to hire a cleaning service. No problem.
I got a few recommendations, narrowed down the choice to a single company, and called them up. Now, we have a lot of expensive items in the house, family heirlooms and jointly owned property, but also personal effects. So, when the man on the phone asked if there were any specific instructions for him to include on the work order, I gave him a list of our instructions and then told him to add that we have many cameras inside the house for security reasons.
He was pissed - offended that I would even insinuate that anyone in his company would steal... I wasn't expecting that reaction but basically told him that it's not outside the realm of possibility so I'd like him to include it or I'll hire a different company. My sister told me I was a dick and could have handled it better but generally agreed with my feelings. What do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
Sioj55z3hZJQSnpGlVLy5ZIwAN1d2J8J | ak5q05 | {
"description": "cutting out a good friend basically over night",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting out a good friend basically over night? | This will still be super long, I tried to stick to the most important parts butttt....
Long story short, a coworker and very good friend of mine for several years got divorced several years ago. He always had a hard time with his money and started getting mixed up with some bad girlfriends. Nothing too bad at first, just very unhealthy relationships such as he would chase after girls for months at a time while the girl bounced between him and their baby daddy.
This goes on for over a year, all the while I stay as supportive as possible while also trying to be a bro and tell him to stop falling for these chicks. His money situation starts getting worse and worse. Hes months behind on bills but would spend his tax return on a 50" TV because "he needed a new one". Whatever, I can deal with this I just tell him I think hes an idiot.
Now hes with a girl who he moves her and her two kids in. She has a drug history. She relapsed and moves in and out for about a year. It gets to the point where he is paying all of her bills and living expenses. Long story short again, he calls me one night after being bailed out of jail. His story is that he went to his girlfriends "aunt"s house to get her some cold medicine, went in the wrong house on accident, they called the cops and he got pulled over later and arrested because he met the description. Now I read the police report because I didnt believe him.
He went to a known drug house, he did go into the wrong address and almost got shot, got arrested on a felony drug charge, and then lied about it. He also had a large amount of cash on him. He was asked to resign from his job while under investigation. We all knew he wouldn't get his job back. After reading the report and talking to the city manager, he also lied to her about the story.
I should mention, we both work in public safety and I had recently gotten my dream, full time job. After all of this went down, I immediately cut him off. I did not want to be involved in this in any way. I didnt want to risk my job or the way people view me by this, especially on probation. I think I am the asshole for straight cutting him out of my life without warning, but between a fulltime job, fulltime school and the positive people in my life, I felt like I had to. After years of him not taking my advice or listening to me, I couldn't handle the stress of listening to him talk about his money and girlfriend situation 4 times a week whenever I saw him.
After about 4 months of no interaction with him, I finally broke down and apologized. I told him I was sorry for ignoring him but I had to focus on myself. What made me feel like less of an asshole was his response. He said stuff along the lines of "shows you who is really your friend" and "I needed you to back me so I could get my job back". Like sorry man, I had your back through the tough times and YOU never listened, it was always about you. I cant put my career at risk for literally LYING about your past. | HISTORICAL | {
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Ah3Ysx9Nsl5ybDn11KJOa9uzu9fFpnYP | avemlp | {
"description": "having an abortion against my bf's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 113,
"contranormative_score": 34
} | WIBTA if I had an abortion against my bf’s wishes. | Bf and I live together. Early 20’s both of us. We just barely make it. Like after our bills are paid we have enough to go out maybe twice a week.
We had been using condoms since I have had a bad reaction to birth control and we fucked up one time about it and had sex without a condom. Lol it only takes the one time and now I’m pregnant.
I told the bf and he was surprisingly happy about it. I just don’t get his mindset, we have like no money. We can’t afford to support a baby. I’m a big believer in my body, my choice. I told him that I didn’t want to have it and he didn’t take it well.
We have talked about marriage and kids. I do think he’s the man I’m gonna be with for the rest of my life and want to have kids with him, just not now. He thinks he should have a say in it and told me that abortion is a line he’s never wanted to cross. He won’t be crossing anything though. This is my choice, my line.
I really don’t think he will break up with me over this, but if it did come down to it I probably would have the baby. I love him so much. I just don’t think this is the right choice for us.
I want to go and have it done and just tell him after the fact. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 44,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 69,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 113,
"WRONG": 34
} | RIGHT |
8pEVAec46HRymdNVxcfWnsT9yoXoVjyL | b12st4 | {
"description": "being mad at my wife for dumpster diving",
"pronormative_score": 87,
"contranormative_score": 2114
} | AITA for being mad at my wife for dumpster diving? | Hi everyone, I’d like some input.
My wife and I struggle to make ends meet. We strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. This includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more.
Recently our DD dropped the milk and spilled it. It was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. My wife said she’d figure it out. I know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, I figured she must have decided to dip into that. Boy was I wrong.
The next week I noticed our food was a little...higher quality. A couple of brand name things, even a roast on Sunday with asparagus. I figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when I asked she said “oh no, I found a bunch of money off coupons.” Then she showed a few to me.
They were those “Earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. She had gone there and dug through the garbage! She said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total.
I was speechless. I asked her how she could lower herself like that. She replied that she did it for our kids. When I asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special.
I’m so disgusted guys. I can’t believe she did this. I don’t even want to look at her. She on the other hand is mad at me, and says I’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. AITA for expecting my wife NOT to dumpster dive?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 87,
"WRONG": 2114
} | WRONG |
BwKcWJlWedpGKSHbECdnQ7pL96PC64Ei | agci61 | {
"description": "being uncomfortable with my coworker talking about NSFW furry culture at work",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being uncomfortable with my coworker talking about NSFW furry culture at work. | I have a co worker who is really into furry culture and chooses that lifestyle in her household ( which I’m totally fine with power to be who you want to be! ) but the only issue is she brings it into the work place.
1) I’ll give some situations, so last week we are sitting in the break room and she says something along the lines of “ do you want to see some art ?” And I’m an artist my self so I get excited and say of course. She then shows me some very NSFW photos of furry art and I just didn’t want to be rude so I said something like” oh that cool”
2) so we are working behind the counter preparing food for customers and once they leave she asks me if I’m a kinky person at all. I think this is highly inappropriate for a workplace so I say I don’t like to talk about that.
Interactions like number 2 have become a daily thing and even discusses how many nude men she sees at her furry events.
I’m considering talking to a supervisor about it. AITA for thinking it doesn’t belong in the workplace especially around customer who are clearly uncomfortable ?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 13,
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} | RIGHT |
GBo62b6P035MYiPlHDKE3TW4JqlgBsDV | amxzko | {
"description": "not letting my baby brother use MY Nintendo Switch that I bought with my own money",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting my baby brother use MY Nintendo Switch that I bought with my own money? | So some back round info, I am a 15 year old boy and every Sunday Me and the rest of my family goes to Sunday dinner at my grandma's house. I commonly bring my Nintendo switch because I usually prefer video games over socialization with my family. I had spent the entirety of 2017 working and saving to finally get a Nintendo switch with MY own money, so I was proud and protective over it, I would still offer to let my sister or any of my cousins use it but anyone too young or I didn't trust would get shut down. There were about 10 people in total at dinner but only a few are important to this story.
It being Superbowl Sunday it was pretty hectic with half of the adults watching the game to, well, watch football, and the other half were only paying attention to the score in hope that they could make a quick buck off of the Super bowl pole. We begin to pack up around half way through the last quarter and I'm called into the kitchen to help with dishes. I come back to my baby brother ( 2 and a half years old) on the floor with my Nintendo switch aggressively mashing buttons. Everyone in the living room was watching him pretty much breaking my $300 system as he waves it around like a piece of paper. They're all laughing about it thinking it so funny that he was trying play. Out of instinct I run over and grab it out of his hands, he cries of coarse and almost everyone yells at me and looks at me with the devils stare.
" Oh come on he wasn't hurting anything"
I am now getting scolded by my mother because I " Need to learn to share better"
:BTW I help the most out all of me and my siblings and have no problem sharing anything to anyone as long as I get it back in the same working condition.
At this point we are both pretty much yelling at the top of our lungs to just get a word out in this stupid to begin with argument. The only only person who understood me was my grandma, she saw my side and how hard I worked,( I would always come to her house after work and pay her a visit)
The argument ended with both of us so aggravated with each other that I ended up staying at my grandma's house for the night and the rest of my family went home. My grandma doesn't live far from my school so i plan on walking in the morning. Turns out he badly cracked the right Joycon ( if you don't know what that is look it up) and it needs to be replaced, so I will either have to convince my suborn mom that I don't need to share my $300 gaming system with a destructive 2 year old and she should pay for what she let him do or will have to come up with another $40 to get a working right red joycon.
I'm currently in my grandma's spare bedroom writing this for you, the people of Reddit to decide. Am I The Asshole?
TL;DR Baby brother breaks my Nintendo switch and my mom thinks i'm the asshole for not letting him use it when this exact situation proves why i don't want him to use it. | HISTORICAL | {
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n8g5G8020eaNljvw1d85ZMoNwPfGRxp3 | a3dlwo | {
"description": "helping my sister take my parents cat",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for helping my sister take my parents cat? | Some context: my sister raised a litter of kittens from 4 days old, and my parents decided to keep one of them. We'll call him F.
F wasn't learning to stay off counters, so my mother put a shock collar on him. My sister learned of on her birthday, and is vehemently against it, saying that it's cruel, and that cats don't learn like dogs do.
Last night, I helped my sister sneak him out of the house, to her college dorm. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
R7KtZY5CN4XGaWGnQrlQBcW7YGpxzdpx | ahf5kd | {
"description": "raging at my husband. again",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA: Raging at my husband. Again. | Breaking out the throw away for this one.
Life happened and we were forced to move. Luckily, I had family willing to help. I buckled down and had a job in the new area immediately. It's part time, barely above minimum wage, but it's enough to pay the bills. That's the short of it, really. We moved, I put on my big girl panties and got work. That was three months ago.
In that time my husband hasn't found a job, but he says he'd rather finish his degree than work. I get it, I support it, he makes money doing that. It would fulfill my need for financial stability, while fulfilling his desire to get his degree. Because it'll make him happy, and help me not stress about money, I 100% support the choice.
*But*, he hasn't even enrolled in an local colleges. He hasn't started the process of transferring credits. He hasn't ordered his official transcripts for his own record.
Now, get does stay at home with our toddler. That a tough job, I get it. Kids can be frustrating and keep you busy, I'm not depreciating the effort he gives to this family. She's starting preschool soon, soon he won't *have* to watch her all day, and at this rate he won't be able to start until the winter semester. (She starts preschool in April, so spring semester won't happen, and that's ok. He won't be able to for summer because he'll be transferring his credits and everything then. Fall semester won't happen because it'll take a month or so after he's enrolled for his financial aid stuff to go through.)
I would personally have no issues with him being a SAHD if I made the money to support us. But I don't.
I don't know, it just irritates me that he says there is no time to try, but he somehow always finds time for YouTube or Reddit. 50% chance he'll find this.
I even made all the calls for him, found the right numbers and names for him, all he had to do was enroll for one college, then call the other and initiate the credit transfer, so that he'll be a "student" and ready to take classes as soon as our kid gets into preschool. That's maybe an hour to an hour and a half out of his day. He doesn't have time for that, but has time for hour long YouTube videos?
I don't know. Am I the asshole for being mad? This is literally the only thing we argue about. Financial struggles are the largest cause of my anxiety, he knows this. I'm just asking for help. He used to do online classes, and I support that, I support if he goes in for classes. School used to be the most important thing to him, and I support his choices, except when they weigh us down.
I want him to be happy, but not at the expense of my mental health. I get, like, $200 a week, guys. $300 if I've gotten decent hours. I live in a larger city, rent is $1500 for a studio apartment. I haven't been able to afford even a haircut because all my money goes to bills.
What happened to my husband? What happened to his drive? Am I the asshole? Am I asking too much? I'm asking here because I need to know if I'm being unfair, and some advice (whether I'm the asshole or not) that isn't just "leave him". | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
vSgtA6Ja5DBaK0IKEqCHLLMdkGTxGbye | au2s55 | {
"description": "ratting out my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ratting out my roommate | So the story is, I live in student housing with about 10 other people. The thing I would be ratting out the roommate for is that the landlord doesn’t know he lives there. There are two landlords; a mother and a daughter. The mother knows and the daughter doesn’t, and she’s batshit.
Recently, the roommate has been refusing to let the heat be on. My house has been cold for weeks and I’m sick, and not getting any better. He doesn’t care. In my perspective, I am uncomfortable living in this house because of his refusal to let the heat be on. He doesn’t care. He removed the batteries from the thermostat so that nobody could use it.
Now, the other roommates don’t care that the heat is off. So I’m on my own in this. I tried to compromise and ask that the heat be set to 65, a very negligible temperature and it’s just comfortable enough that I don’t have to blast a space heater in my room all the time and raise the bill even more. He won’t compromise. He’s simply telling me to wear a sweater. The temp goes down to 60 or lower at night.
So this thought of ratting out the roommate is a hypothetical. I haven’t done it yet, but I’m thinking about doing it so that I can be comfortable living here again. Without any moral guidance, I would stand by my actions but I would receive backlash from my other roommates because no one would want me to do this. Also, the person he’s splitting the rent with in his room would also most likely be kicked out. He’s fully supported by his parents so I’m not worried about him. If I don’t do this, I will continue to be regularly confrontational with him and be even more of an asshole to him, and honestly I don’t want to put either one of us or the other roommates through that. The alternative is just to be cold when I’m out of my room. So I don’t want to be out of my room.
Also if I do this, I might be able to go about it in a way that they can’t prove that I’m responsible, if I can collude with the younger landlord to “catch” him, which would be shady on my part in my efforts not to seem responsible for my own actions. It would also be in the best interests of my shady ass landlord who doesn’t know he lives here. Should I be honest at my own expense?
I would be screwing people over for my own benefit, so AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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yhoWP0KJlQLWn0XZKtjvZ2EZ9yolzBTl | b8ofs9 | {
"description": "calling out my friend on his self obsession",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling out my friend on his self obsession | Me (25F) and this guy (26F) have been good friends since some 10 years. And it has been a while since i have been noticing how self obsessed he is. Like the time we met, he kept showing me old videos of him and his friends dancing to some 1D and type songs. Then i didnt really notice it tbh. I was bored but maybe i wasnt showing it much.
Whenever we talk, somehow the conversation just becomes about him. Like i could be sharing something about me and he would turn the conversation to himself within the same context. He also shares multiple pictures of himself, cant blame him here because it was my duty to ask him to stop or just say that i am bored.
He also spends a lot of time going through his old pics, i never understood why. He would send me his old pics (i stopped entertaining him then and would just comment something unrelated to his looks)
So we were chatting in the afternoon and he kept doing that thing he does where the conversation shifts to himself and i lost my patience so i stopped responding. And then when i opened the chat at night i see he had sent some old video that he already posted on insta and the conversation went something like this;
H: the view was nice and look at my poses lol
M: you are unbelievable
H: 🤣🤣
M: i mean you are unbelievably self obsessed
H: what? Maybe i am because it makes me happy
M: humble yourself, child. (I was trying to lighten the mood here) Also that thing you said about it making you happy makes no sense.
H: i am humble
M: ???? Really? A humble person thinks more about other people than themselves
H: but.. wait.. maybe i need to think this over
I feel bad but i also feel maybe as a friend i need to tell him about his ways because I sincerely believe in self-growth. We are adults after all and need to care less about superficial stuff like how one looks and more about character.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
oqN56bDqiNeOJK9xL9Cd0BMRjDJmfEDs | atioip | {
"description": "returning my husband's Christmas gift from his sister without telling him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I returned my husband's Christmas gift from his sister without telling him? | My husband (late 30s) has a younger sister (mid 30s) that he has had a strained relationship with the past 10 years or so. I won’t go into the why but they only text each other 2 or 3 times a year and they haven’t seen each other in over a year. I haven’t spoken to her in 10 years and she has never met our kids. The sister and her family live 10 minutes away.
When we went to my ILs for Christmas (separate from the sister) we saw that my husband had a gift from her. No gifts for me or my kids, just my husband. She hasn’t gotten him a Christmas gift in years. My husband is Asian and his family is into the Chinese Zodiac/animal signs. My husband’s animal is a rooster. He opens the gift and it’s a Hei Hei the chicken toy from Moana. Okay…
The chicken has a little button on his wing so my husband pushes it and the most obnoxious, loud Hei Hei scream comes out of the chicken. If you have kids, you know how much parents HATE loud, obnoxious toys. I think it was a bitchy, passive aggressive move by his sister because she has kids too and she has to know how annoying it is. Google “Screaming Hei Hei Plush” if you’re curious.
I shoot him a death glare that basically says “WTF was your sister thinking?” I could tell he felt the same way but at that point my kids were going absolutely bananas over it as they both love Moana. They kept pushing the button over and over and all of my ILs thought it was hilarious. We ended up taking the stupid thing home and I shoved it in the closet under our stairs once the kids were asleep. I know the local Target carries it because we saw it there a week or two later and that’s probably where his sister bought it.
I casually asked DH what he wanted to do with it and he said to leave it where it is for now and maybe we’ll give it away as a gift (yeah right) or let the kids play with it occasionally. He’s very wishy washy when it comes to making firm decisions, especially when it’s something he doesn’t deem as really important so I wasn’t surprised at this reaction. I said “Or maybe we could return it to Target.” He said “maybe” and he sort of shrugged it off. He rarely goes into the closet and the chicken is inside a box as well. I doubt he’ll notice that the chicken is even gone if I do return it. He might even forget about it at some point if it just disappears.
Like I said above, I feel like this was a passive aggressive gift. I don’t see it as an olive branch considering their current relationship, or lack thereof, hasn’t changed. She didn’t reach out before or after Christmas if her intent was to patch things up. I fear my husband will drag his feet and I’ll never get rid of this thing and it’ll just haunt my closet for the next decade. Or worse, I worry that my kids will spot it and start playing with it 24/7.
WIBTA if I returned the gift without asking? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
zjOu6SVElbULkOJqCbU9OFS42RMWlMiI | ae3vrk | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for sending nudes to someone and flirting with two other people",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For breaking up with my girlfriend for sending nudes to someone and flirting with two other people? | Last year in November about a month into things we had an argument and didn’t speak for a few days and apparently during those two days she sent nudes to and arranged to sleep with a friend she’d known a while and also flirted with another guy as well, as far as I’m aware she didn’t go through with it as we patched things up a few days after the argument as she wanted to see me for my birthday the next week. Fast forward to this week, things aren’t going well between us again as we are constantly arguing and I find out through a friend that she’s planning on seeing the guy this weekend that she planned to sleep with in her words to for a “re-schedule” of what they were going to do in November which was apparently the cinema but has been changed to just hanging out at his...
yesterday a friend sent me screenshots of some of the messages between my girlfriends friend and her that she got sent at the time which is how I found out about it all. After a huge argument about it all which pretty much ended things entirely I feel like an asshole because she apparently never intended to go through with sleeping with him and we both said some pretty harsh things in the argument that followed.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fuqV8t4KjDPcJcN9Pbgbj03UQVqOuUlV | b1z4w3 | {
"description": "getting upset at my parents for always making fun of me",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset at my parents for always making fun of me? |
So.. My parents make fun of me about almost anything they can. "You're too skinny", "You're so pale", "What? You're up before 11 AM? Cleaned your room? Who are you and what did you do to our daughter?", and always just laughing. I know most of those aren't bad and I should just ignore them. But those aren't all the things they say, just the ones that come to my mind right now. And hearing all that and more almost every day just.. Isn't fun. I'm already super insecure and not feeling well mentally. (So overly dramatic, but english isn't my first language. Plus can't say I have any specific mental illness since I haven't been diagnosed with anything, so that's the best way I can think of saying that) Also, they say those things to relatives and their friends. Escpecially if I have failed at something or done something embarassing.
But the worst one to me is when I tried to tell them about the panick attacks I kept having for no reason or the smallest reasons possible (and still do, just not as often). They started making jokes about it before I could even finish and started laughing. I walked off to my room and I heard my mom say "What? You can't get mad over that, we're just kidding!". Later they both apologized. My mom's apology went like this, word for word: "Sorry, we forgot how sensitive you are". I did just forgive them and tried to move on, but just get it out of my head.
Am I just overly sensitive like they always say and an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2SfLobWV9lKJT1FZniB8datlj0CYgHzm | adb11k | {
"description": "having sex with a girl that cheats on her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for having sex with a girl that cheats on her boyfriend | Their relationship started because he kissed her and called her "his girlfriend", a day later his father died and she's still with him after 1 1/2 years because she just couldn't get it over her heart to finish the relationship and she had no other boys to care about so she just suck with it. but now cheated on him with me.
i'm trying to convince her that it isn't her fault that his dad died and that she has to end the relationship with him because it's better that she's saying the truth then lying to him.
in my opinion she's not looking out for herself on cost of her mental health and i'm really worried about her... on other side i admit that i am really jealous for not beeing the partner that she shares with everybody...
​
(english isn't my native language i'm sorry) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
Cda1dx1FOr6sCHLvNYIXDGPMKzKbHyT3 | b9pgyu | {
"description": "declining and saying it's offensive to be asked by the bride to drive her bridal car? shes a relative",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for declining and saying it's offensive to be asked by the bride to drive her bridal car? Shes a relative. | Only for her reason of not wanting to invite the hired driver to the wedding... and because the family drivers are unavailable. That cousin who was asked is also not part of the entourage and he isnt very close with the bride. Asking for a friend!
P.S cultural background in the Philippines: Chaffeurs are more commonly hired to drive a bridal car | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
NtPj7LGpuriN261CZKSfJYy2v4sca8tm | b3pwcj | null | AITA for how I interact with a friend that I have a crush on? | So I have no clue if this fits but I’m basically asking if I’m an asshole for how I treat my friend because of my feelings for her so either I’m the asshole or no one is. So I should probably get into how I treat her shouldn’t I? So for context we’re both in high school she’s a freshmen and I’m a sophomore (9th and 10th grade) but the age difference isn’t a big deal and we’ve been friends for most of the school year. And I’ve had an idle crush on her for pretty much the entire time and I got a girlfriend who then dumped me after about 3 months (I’d like to point out that I just kinda stopped liking her for the whole time I had my girlfriend) and I’ve been using her as emotional support. But the asshole (maybe) bits come in with how I interact with her. I’m a more flirtatious person and I’m quite “touchy” so when I’m with her I’ll just kinda like her and “punch” her (by that I mean I’ll put my hand in a fist and lightly touch her) and say I attacked her. It’s more of an excuse to just have physical contact but not a huge deal. The farthest I’ve gone is I went to grab her hand to hold it. I talked to her about it after the fact and she says that she’s cool with it but I feel like I should have asked before hand. And all of these things can be considered between friends at our school which is pretty close. I’m also planning at confessing tomorrow | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
6wyxu8J2WSDIIytv85YzthxaNf7IrPvJ | a8ywx1 | {
"description": "not inviting this person to my new years party",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not inviting this person to my new years party? | my friends and I have a whatsapp group chat to discuss where our new years party could take place and I offered my house. I added one more person, a good friend of mine, to the chat and told everyone that I don't want any more persons to join the group since I'm afraid my house will be wrecked and my parents won't allow me to have partys again like it happened to another friend when the same group of people (!) had a party at his place (btw this is the first party at my place). of course many other people got hold of the information and asked me if they could come too but I declined. now someone asked me if this one girl which I barely know but is nice could come too since no one ever invites her and she is very sad about it. also she only "forgot to add her to the group" before I told everyone not to add any more people. another friend asked the same question and told me that it would be "only one more person" and that she herself has had many partys at her house and she always allows more people to come even if she does not really want to (which is true) so I shouldn't be so strict about it. the thing is only one more person really wouldn't be a problem and I also feel sorry for the girl but if I invite her now that I even told some of my best friends they can not come I know they would feel betrayed. Also letting "only one more person" join after saying NO MORE PEOPLE can come leads to people saying "you already let one more person join just make it only two" and so on... both girls who asked me to invite this one girl got a "no" and although they didn't response aggressively I can tell they are pissed at me. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uqfUdgrWdrRDZM56dShF3ccX7VJgL222 | ae20el | {
"description": "being upset about my boyfriend's sexual history",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset about my boyfriend's sexual history? | My boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been dating since I was 17. Recently my boyfriend and I got really drunk and started talking about our sexual histories. Prior to this he had told me that he had never done *anything* with anyone but me. However, this time, he shared that when I went on a high school summer program to Peru, he got really horny and decided to put peanut butter on his penis for his family dog to lick off. I was really disturbed by this and I feel that he cheated on me. He says the dog is not a person so it doesn't count because there are no emotions involved.
Furthermore, even more disturbing is that he says he very well may do it again during the two month language program abroad I have planned. Reddit, I sincerely thought this man would be the father of my children. Now I can't even look him in the eyes. I'm furious and shaken to the core. Am I The Asshole for feeling this way?
**TL;DR— Boyfriend put peanut butter on his dick for a dog to lick off and doesn't see anything wrong with it. Might do it again.** | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
51hWutr7biZUVkBh02YcPSu7moSM6X3Q | 9ynij2 | {
"description": "cutting in line at Costco",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA - Cutting in line at Costco | I was at Costco with my SO the other day, and as is Costco tradition the lineups were long. Probably 10 or so people waiting at each till, but the lines were moving so it was probably only a 10 minute wait.
My SO decided to go stand in line by herself, asking me to go grab the last few items by myself, and then bring the cart up when I was done. It didn't click with me at the time what her plan was, I figured that she just needed to run to the bathroom or something.
So I get to the tills, and I see her way up at the front, 2 back from the front of the line. She motioned for me to come up and join her, but I didn't feel comfortable bringing in my fully loaded shopping cart in front of the other 8-10 people, so I took a spot at the back of the line.
When we got out of the store, she was pretty livid with me. Basically we were doing a "quick" Costco run, making a simple dinner and then she had plans to go out with her friends in a few hours. Her argument revolved around me wasting her time by not bumping into the line beside her and making her late for her night out. It wasn't a special event or anything, just a normal girl's night, so what's the big deal if she's 5-10 minutes late? Funilly enough, this devolved into a big fight about how her time is valuable, and I'm more than welcome to waste my own time but not hers, which ended with me leaving before dinner, giving her a full hour of free time that wasn't in her original plan.
I'm of the idea that it would have been rude to bring in a full shopping cart in front of all those people - I would be pissed if someone did that to me. I do see her point that she was feeling pressed for time, but is 10 minutes worth that?
You tell me Reddit, am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kd18qr4elO4jhgUtjzeNkkeDOlJjewYM | b0pweg | {
"description": "not giving my friend information about a job",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not giving my friend information about a job? | My friend and I are both CS students in college looking for an internship this summer. We were talking and he asked how the internship search was going. I said I applied to FakeCompanyName and recently followed up with the recruiter. The process was going slower than usual. My friend asked what the email was for the recruiter. I had gotten the recruiter's name at a job fair last quarter. My response:
"Hm... sorry man, but we're in competition. I can't help you out because that may make it harder for me to get the job. Nothing personal."
The guy just looked t me, called me a dick, and walked out. But now I'm wondering if I am the dick? Or the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
56VIaew3vPf1Kn8OnYHUh1kTd9lwrhbd | 9wvxwz | {
"description": "telling the class to go to Flander's fields for poppies",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling the class to go to Flander’s Fields for poppies? | I’ve a least had a very sarcastic sense of humour people always compare me to Chandler from Friends. So, on Remembrance Day (Canada so aka Veteran’s Day) my friend asked my teacher why we don’t wear real poppies instead. My teacher looks at him as if he’s brain dead and asks where he would find them in the first place. I just blurt out, “check Flander’s Fields, there’s plenty there. The whole class erupted in laughter except for one bitch. She’s like, in the most pretentious tone ever, “I have chosen not to laugh at that since it’s disrespectful” and calls me an asshole for it. For those who don’t know. Flander’s Fields is a huge field in Canada where there are poppies growing. There just happens to be a graveyard of soldiers who died there in which poppies grow row by row. Please tell me whether this was a huge dick move or not. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CUpW45Kbg6uIP4m6zvfA8pleW3QhyT4Q | 9y10eh | {
"description": "ghosting a guy that I made the first move on",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ghosting a guy that I made the first move on? | We were talking while waiting to see the same professor for about 40 minutes. He was cute and I liked talking to him, he seemed very chill. I found out his program and that he was a couple years older and stuff like that but never got his name. When the prof was done talking to the student before us I said he could go ahead of me because I knew the prof's office hours were almost done and I could just send him an email later since my question wasn't super important. So the guy goes into his office and I put my coat on and dip but I left my phone number for him where we were sitting. I wanted to shoot my shot and I figured even if he has a girlfriend or something I still need to make friends since I'm in my first year.
A few hours later I get a text from an unknown number:
*"aha subtle ;)"*
I was hyped so I responded
*"srry lol im not a very subtle person ;) "*
*"what's ur name?"*
then instead of telling me his name he said
*"you should have just given me your dorm room number ;)"*
I don't know whether it just escalated too quickly or if it was because he didn't just tell me his name but I got a little scared. I sent another somewhat neutral lol funny text and he responded nicely but still didn't tell me his name. I just got really bad vibes because for whatever reason he wasn't telling me his name and I started to wonder if someone else picked up the note or what. I lead him on by leaving my number so I feel like I shouldn't judge him for a flirtatious response. I kind of ghosted him and haven't said anything back. Him being so direct, being a bit older, and beating around the bush about his name just made me kinda scared. Am I an asshole for feeling creeped out and not wanting to text him back? Is he just being funny and flirty and I'm jumping to conclusions? Am I the asshole for leading him on then ghosting him? I feel really bad and I probably shouldn't have shot the shot if I wasn't ready for a bullet I guess.
TLDR: Gave a guy my number and he texted me *"you should have just given me your dorm room number ;)"* and didn't tell me his name. I wasn't ready for such a direct flirt and got bad vibes so I ghosted him... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6vORxczioFQlJ57CsMNTaMfqOGEElxAD | a74vd9 | {
"description": "taking a day off after my grandmother-in-law's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking a day off after my grandmother-in-law’s funeral? | Let me start off by saying I am a security guard and lately I’ve been working weird hours. Monday’s noon to midnight, Wednesday’s midnight to eight am, and Saturday’s midnight to noon. My wife’s grandmother got really bad a couple days after Thanksgiving falling and hurting herself and basically immobilized. She was then taken to the hospital. With this schedule I was able to go visit her three times over three weeks each being a Sunday. Since I work nights a couple days it made it very hard to go since the hospital is over an hour away. Anyway last week I switched shifts to go to my wife’s graduation from college with her masters on Friday night. Then that Saturday morning at ten we got the call her grandmother passed away. It was to be expected but inside I’m hurt and I feel my wife is too. She hasn’t cried or showed much emotion the past two days. She started a new job today one I’m joining her at next month. She doesn’t handle change or stress easily and these are two major events back to back. So I called my boss today told her the viewing and funeral is Thursday and Friday this week. I asked for Saturday off and I told my boss that I couldn’t really switch anyone since the times of the viewing and the time of the funeral wouldn’t work with my twelve hour schedules. So I’m losing 12 hours of pay. I’m fine with it we haven’t grieved and I think her, her parents, and her grandfather will need any help they can have. My wife isn’t thrilled with me taking the day off and losing the pay. I honestly think she is going to need me. She’s worried about money which I understand but I know her and I’m genuinely worried about her. I feel bad for abandoning work but I really think I should be home for my family. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mSDLMPKNRhpZDe6cTiuyYpnbJi7DZh8U | ag8xan | {
"description": "wanting the father of the child of whom we have custody to just go away",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting the father of the child of whom we have custody to just go away? | A few years ago, my sister-in-law committed suicide in a drug-fueled depression. Her husband, my husband's brother, was understandably devastated, but completely collapsed. For three months he completely neglected his five-year-old daughter, our niece. Since we lived in a different state, we were not made privy to the situation until we received a call from Child Services. We were told, essentially, come get the child or she goes into foster care. (that's the tl;dr version, but you get the gist.) The other relatives who lived near them were unable to care for the child as they had recent drug arrests.
My husband and I have no children, and we knew it was going to be a major change to our lives. I quit my job to take care of her full time and discovered that, at the age of five, she did not know her alphabet or how to count to five. She and I worked the entire summer learning these things, among others. I tried to make it as fun for her as possible so that she wouldn't feel like anything was a chore. We also had to begin discipline with her, as she had always got her way and never had to do anything she didn't want to, including getting up from watching TV to go to the bathroom. We persevered and she made incredible strides. She missed her parents horribly, of course, but despite having custody, we would encourage her to call her father every day to help him with his recovery.
Six months later, the day before Thanksgiving, he called us from a grocery store parking lot and told us he had driven to our state, that he was homeless, and he couldn't handle not being near her any longer. It was then I found out that as a condition of being granted custody of her, so that we could actually take care of her legally, my husband allowed my brother-in-law to keep all of the social security money for her mother's death. I had to suck it all up and shut up.
Over the last few years, he has improved, but he does not pay for anything towards her care, is allowed to take her twice a week, and has never said thank you. He has never offered to do anything other than purchase four bottles of wine in the last three years. To be fair, however, my niece is ecstatic that he is in her life, as she should be. However, every time she comes home, she's a bear as he sets no boundaries and allows her to do whatever she wants. In short, we have to deprogram her after every visit, resetting routine and disciplining to understand responsibility and expectation.
I want him to go away. Far away. He is constantly undermining us, even though he isn't self-aware enough to notice. For awhile, I had fantasized about calling the Social Security Administration to report his fraud. But honestly, it would cause more trouble and complexity in our lives than what we already have as my husband is adamant this be allowed to proceed.
I admit that the money is a very small reason about this post. It's tight most months, but we make it work and make sure she has everything she needs, and a few things she wants. But it's the struggle with him to be on board with our plans for her. We want her to be successful, independent, thoughtful, and educated. He cares about none of that as long as he spends time with her. I know him being here helps her continued healing from losing her mother. I already know her father is TA, but AITA for wishing he'd just go away? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SiJFdnd4lDFaJnveNBzwmLNJCMpwYWUY | b911ow | {
"description": "selling my former Roommates Games",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Selling My Former Roommates Games | So a few years ago I was renting this place with this dude and we were on a lease. When the lease was nearing it's end he just peaced out. We're talking took most of everything leaving only the last bit of his half of rent and a few things he said in a note he didn't want to bring with him.
Thing with where I live is that if you don't discard of things on your own when you move out the landlord can pay to have someone remove the stuff. We're talking cases of dudes having $250 taken off their deposit just for some dude to take 3 milk crates of things to the dump. It's a rip off. I texted and emailed him for 2 weeks asking to pick these things up or take them to the dump but he never responded.
So I took most of his things to the dump but he also had around 60 video games for PS4. So I figured I'd sell them. There is a local game store where they buy used games and they gave me $600 for all of his games.
Well cut to last week and I was at a party he was at and we were polite. He then asks how the move out was and I said good, and naturally he asked what I did with his stuff. He got mad when he found out I sold his games but I told him that I tried to get him to grab these things but he never reached out.
He's now calling me an asshole and asking me to pay him back. I checked and legally there's nothing there but now I'm wondering if I'm the asshole for doing this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
hL2eAwh5mMcPLeYAsjv92zNKMuFLNa7h | afghxn | {
"description": "locking my sister in the closet",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for locking my sister in the closet? | My friend actually told me about this subreddit when I was asking her this question, so that’s how I discovered reddit and this subreddit. Anyway...
So my sister, I’ll call her E, is super embarrassing and basically does little things, not intentionally, to piss me off. She’s just really stupid. I’d baked cookies the night before for me and my friends, because I’d planned for my friends to come over that day. And the morning after I made the cookies, me and E got into this argument because she didn’t go to the store the day before like I’d asked her to. And then my boyfriend started telling me how I was overreacting and being more angry than I should, do then I turned on him and we started arguing.
While we were busy doing that, E had found my cookies and started feeding them to some ducks outside. (We live by a small pond so ducks will come by occasionally) I didn’t notice her take the cookies, but my boyfriend told me she did by the time it was too late, and my cookies were all broken up on the ground. I was really pissed about this, and this was the final straw for me.
It was only about 10 in the morning and she’d already pissed me off so much. So then I told her she could help me make new cookies. I asked her to go in the hall closet to get me something, and while she was in there, I locked her in. I was able to convince her that the lock had slipped and then jammed so I wasn’t able to open the door.
She’d fallen asleep in there because it was completely silent by the time my friends had come over. E is so embarrassing in front of my friends anyway. She’s just so weird and childish, and they think so too. My friends didn’t even know I have a sister because they’d never met her before and I’d never told them about her. This was their first time at my house with E there.
And so when E woke up and asked if I’d found a way to unlock the door, I told my friends that she must’ve been a crazy intruder who’d snuck into my house at some point. One of my brave friends grabbed a knife and swung the door open. She didn’t hurt E, but instead let her explain. E had heard what I’d said about her being some random stranger, and was upset when she realized I locked her in there on purpose. She yelled at me and accused me of being ashamed to be her sister.
Okay first of all, E didn’t go to the store like I’d asked. She had one damn job. Secondly, she took the cookies I’d worked hard baking the night before and fed them to the ducks, and then she’s also just super embarrassing and would’ve annoyed me and my friends had I not locked her in the closet. So AITA, or is E just making a big fuss over this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
0aiywjezjuQeYACB8Gqm6cb8gJr0GdSW | ay6rdl | {
"description": "not laughing at a Facebook meme I didn't find funny",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For not laughing at a Facebook meme I didn't find funny? | Hello theirs is my first post here and I don't know this kind of stuff normally happens between me and my mom. I'm a teenager and I know that I don't know what's best for me and I love her but she's kinda strict and easily gets hurt feelings.
Today she had taken me to a games and hobbies store so I can spend some of my money on Vanguard cards with my girlfriend.
So I was sorting the cards I had gotten on the floor of the living room in alphabetical order into card books while listening to a Reddit YouTuber and my mother came up to me and said "this is so Candice"(our fat beagle).
I put up a finger and say "give me a second this story seems to be wrapping up."which it had seemed to be, but every time the post seemed to come to an end there was more text.
After about 2-3 minutes of it droning on I realised it wasn't stopping anytime soon so I paused it and looked up. The photo Mom had wanted to show me was simply a dog with their face pushed against someone's leg titled "pizza, I like pizza!"
Now I didn't find this particularly funny so I tried to force a small smile and give that exhale that means 'i find it funny but not enough to laugh' to try to make her happy. That did not work
She didn't see the smile and began to rant about 'see this is why I feel like a burden when I talk to you!' (an issue we had in the past, which is why I tried to react to the post, even if I didn't find it funny) and started talking about all the stuff she's done for me today, with taking me to the store, allowing my GF to come over and taking my GF home.
I tried to explain but she was convinced that she knows psychology enough after one semester of it that she knows why I act like I do. Then after that she turns to yell at my brother for stuff.
The only thing I really feel in the wrong about is getting her mad because she wouldn't yell at him if I had just forced a laugh. IDK AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
ra2uR4zcPwPH0NmHxhIy7gxDMpk5By57 | a45tdb | {
"description": "getting my aspergers diagnosed ex-roomate evicted before finals week",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting my aspergers diagnosed ex-roomate evicted before finals week. | A little background first: I'm currently a senior at a 4 year university in America. All of my friends I would have been comfortable sharing an apartment with graduated last year so I was forced to spin the wheel on random "matched" roommates at an off campus apartment complex. I thought it didn't be too bad, everyone has their own rooms and I had to share a bathroom with one person. Two of my roommates are amazing people and now are friends of mine, we haven't argued once and I would room with them again if I had to spend another year here. The problem lies with my other (now ex) roomate. I'll call him Dan for anonymity's sake.
Very early on we realized something was "off" about Dan, he never looked us in our eyes and wouldn't reply when we spoke to him. This didnt bother any of us because a quiet roommate who keeps to himself isn't really an issue, we weren't going to force him to be our friend. We soon learned he has aspergers through an email sent to us by the leasing office in early September, he apparently hadn't spoken to his parents in a month and they were worried he was still alive and well (he was).
Now the problem with Dan started the second time I had my girlfriend over. He started yelling at me without warning that he didn't want to hear us having sex in my room. I told him I would play music or something and try to keep quiet but he just told me to never have a girl over ever again. Because my girlfriend has to commute to school and lives with her parents my place is the only option we basically just ignored his complaints and attempted to be silent/ do it when he was gone. That was until this past weekend. Dan apparently heard us (in the middle of the afternoon) and cut me off between our bathroom and my bedroom where my girlfriend was and attempted to fight me. I ended up talking him down from being physical but not before he threatened to "cut my head off and castrate (my) girlfriend." My roommate's heard all of this and we filed a police report asking for a restraining order and just yesterday we got it filled and he is in the process of being evicted. I feel kind of bad because its only one week until finals and he has nowhere to go but I definitely feel much more safe in my apartment. AITA for not waiting or for ignoring his complaints considering he's not completely normal?
Tl;dr: My ex-roomate threatened to kill me and my girlfriend for having sex in my own room. I got him evicted right before finals because of it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
wrKSSJLcc9q7KUUG5aznSDKqpd56KY3I | aqkuki | {
"description": "parking in an old handicap spot that could reasonably be mistaken as a current handicap spot",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for parking in an old handicap spot that could reasonably be mistaken as a current handicap spot? | My local Home Depot fixed and updated their parking lot a few months ago. Part of the work they did was rearranging the handicap spaces, making them more conveniently located. In every single new handicap spot there is a 7 foot pole with a "reserved parking" sign, in addition to the painted symbol in the space ([pics here](https://imgur.com/gallery/VEjUIPd)).
The old spots look as if there was a clear, albeit very poor, attempt to grind off the old painted symbol. With the old spots they also left the old hatched space to give people room to get out of their cars, rather than redraw new lines. Because of this, I believe that shoppers often mistake the old spots for current handicap spaces and as a result the old spots are usually open.
Given all the information above, I normally park in the old handicap spaces because they're open, close to the door, and I am 100% certain that they're not meant to be current spaces.
You can probably see where this is going. I was at the store yesterday. Walking back to my car in the old handicap spot - obviously not being handicapped - a guy across the aisle says something to the effect of "Try parking in a normal spot next time, a-hole." I've noticed someone staring one other time too. FWIW, the new spaces have never been full when I've parked there, so I've never denied an actual disabled person closeness to the door. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
8392NqpnwZg9lYckz5DjQp2ijKaK3iQT | aaphio | {
"description": "canceling a New Year's Eve event",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for canceling a New Year's Eve event? | In the past few years I (m) have always gone to an event a friend (f) of mine organized on New Year's Eve. She's my best friend and we literally know each other since birth, even if we can't remember.
This year I asked her again - about a week prior to the event - if there would be the usual party in an old school cellar/shooting range where we meet for drinks and to watch the fireworks at midnight. Only this time she told me that she and her sister wanted to meet up with some friends of theirs. She asked me to come along but also proposed that we should have me as the host for the party since I would always come to theirs and that way it would be fair. Since she was right on that department I accepted and asked who these friends were, if I knew them and how many there would be (the last question is important for later).
From that point onward everything went south.
(We live in a rural part of Germany, are in our early twenties and every conversation with her happened per *not-so* instant messenger.)
At first she refused to tell me any details about her friends but I assume she just didn't think it would be a big deal for me. In later texts she revealed to me that I would know only one of them and that the other 3 would be strangers.
OK, cool cool cool cool cool cool cool. I'm always up for meeting new people and having them in my house late at night under heavy alcohol influence while in possession of explosives and all christmas decorations still being up and waiting to be smashed to pieces...
I told her it would be crowded with 7 people, but that we'll make it work somehow.
I said I'd do it and she promised me that they are all nice people so what could go wrong (also that part about the christmas decorations will play a crucial part later in the story).
Fast forward three days: Haven't heard about any further plans being made or me being involved into anything at all regarding the party *at my place*.
I decided to ask what type of drinks I should get and what we would eat. If our moms would make salads or whatever. Just to get back to that topic.
>"*We'll see. We haven't planned anything yet =)*"
Keep in mind that it's Wednesday evening at that point and I only had 3 days left to go shopping for groceries.
Fast forward another two days: I got sick of her not telling me anything and bought what I thought was generally expected to be there: Soft drinks, potato chips, vodka, Jägermeister, beer and something to mix the vodka with.
I messaged her telling her that I bought all this stuff but also that my mom had set up some rules we had to follow, yadayadayada and if she and her friends had decided on what we would eat. She only jokingly mentioned that we could just order pizza and that we would probably starve because it would not arrive. So again, no information given.
She also told me that we could drive to town later tomorrow to buy everything we need but that I had to wait for her since she was gonna get a new haircut first and it would take three hours (I really don't get how female haircuts work).
No biggie, I was going to sleep until noon anyway.
As I woke up (this noon, as promised) I asked if I could come pick her up at around 4pm to buy everything we needed for the party. She told me that she would need to help her mom cook first and that she would tell me when she was ready.
At this point I was sick of her shit. I knew how this would end. I would be ready to go by 4pm and wait for her to text me, only for her to cancel the shopping at around 7pm. No, I wouldn't have that (again) and I told her that I would not wait for two hours for her to finish doing whatever she was going to do.
I assume she immediately went into full-conflict mode but managed to calm back down in time. She texted me - in a normal "tone" - that it would be best if we both go shopping on our own so we wouldn't have to wait for each other.
Well okay, but please tell me already: What. Are. We. Gonna. Eat?
About an hour later she was ready for the coup de grâce and delivered it like it was a normal thing to say:
>
"Well we rethought everything and don't want to be such a bother to your mom, so we just decided to go to \[loud and crowded restaurant\] instead."
Great. Just great. Thanks for thinking about my mom, you're a saint.
Me to her: "You can't be serious right now. I bought all this stuff and got the house ready for you to cancel everything? What am I going to tell my parents? 'Thanks for setting everything up and buying all that shit but the party is cancelled'??"
At that point I was furious. Not only did **she** decide that **I** would host the party, she also didn't involve me into **any** planning at all and then she cancelled it literally two days prior to New Year's Eve?
Now she entered her "victim mode".
>"*But I thought you didn't get anything yet. We would have had to talk about what we needed anyway, so we wouldn't end up having bought too much.*"
That was the point where I would have screamed into her face that I had been trying to plan all of this **for a whole week.**
I told her - again - what I had already bought and that nobody here would drink this stuff and it would just go bad. Not a big deal for her problem solving skills though: just mix everything and drink it prior to going to the restaurant.
Yea right, we just drink alcohol planned for 7 people for a whole night in 5 Minutes. But wait, it gets better.
My mom comes in and askes why I'm so furious. I explain to her the whole situation and she decides to call my friend's mother, since they are also very close. After ten minutes she tells me that my friend's mother had just decided that we would have the party at my place again, but with 8 guests. Remember the christmas decorations, including a whole tree? 7 people would have been crowded already. 9 people would have been three to many.
So - still furious about the whole situation - I told her that I was done and I would cancel the event and wouldn't come to the restaurant with her and her friends either. There were going to be way to many people of which I would've known only 4, **myself included**, that got invited to a party I didn't want to host and I got literally **zero** information about up until this evening.
All she replied was that she didn't get why I cancelled it, I **could have told her earlier so she could plan ahead**, that I had *no problem* with 7 people, why 9 would be such a big deal and that I should be more spontaneous and flexible.
She also mentioned that I could have invited some friends of mine so that there were more people that I knew but at that point I think she didn't even process what she wrote because again:
7 people are already too many. I told you! Multiple times!!
Then she just told me she was sick of arguing and didn't text back.
I think she doesn't even get the irony behind her last texts. To me it was obvious that she was trying to salvage things because she is used to me doing whatever she want's (**had** a crush on her for a long time) but since I'm over her I won't deal with her shit anymore.
So, am I the asshole for canceling the party and not coming to the shitty restaurant with her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8QQNateRBPIAAoj3UTQHXNYGQ8W4BPOo | b01624 | {
"description": "lying to SIL about pregnancy",
"pronormative_score": 86,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for lying to SIL about pregnancy? | My SIL is having a hard time getting pregnant. It's been a year since she started trying and she has become angry and bitter that she isn't pregnant.
She openly admits to hating pregnant women now bc she isnt pregnant.
SIL never liked my sister very much, but liked her even less when sister got pregnant. Now when my sister comes to visit my parents (SIL and my brother live with my parents) SIL avoids seeing her and goes to the basement in her room and cries.
Things SIL has done to make baby talk uncomfortable:
* tells my mom to not leave baby stuff where she can see it.
* tells my mom she cant make baby blankets in the living room, since seeing them upsets her.
* closes the door to the spare bedroom bc she doesnt want to see the baby stuff in it.
* is mean when she gets a baby shower invite or someone she knows gets pregnant.
Etc.
I get along with my SIL, even tho she is admittedly kind of a b*tch. So when I found out I was pregnant, I was hesitant to tell her and my brother.
A month ago I was visiting my parents and they (sil/bro) asked me if I was pregnant. I panicked and said no. In truth I was 2 months.
(Mom tells me later that after I tell them I'm not pregnant, bro and SIL talk about it and feel bad that I'm having a hard time getting pregnant too. They sympathize with me.)
I felt bad lying but I didn't know how to tell them. I was sure if I told her she would cry and make a scene and not want anything to do with me anymore.
The next day I talked to my brother and told him I was pregnant and I was sorry for lying. I explained that I was worried about SIL and if she would hate me knowing I was pregnant. He said not to worry and he would talk to her.
After talking to his wife, they decide they are mad at me for lying?
So today, a month after, I have another doc appt and come visit my parents. SIL walks into the house and I say hello, as usual. She walks right by me as if I were invisible and ignores me completely. She goes to the basement and I never see her again for the rest of the day.
I realize I shouldn't have lied, and I apologized and explained why I did so. But doesnt this prove my point?
Or am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 84,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 86,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
s1BhivayTe8DbT4XF3OJ8oC2ZmpZkHIJ | ar19qt | {
"description": "not answering the phone in a 20 minute window while in the middle of a conversation with a previous professor",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA: For not answering the phone in a 20 minute window while in the middle of a conversation with a previous professor? | My co worker / friend is with me at a conference. He was in a clinic, I was talking to an old professor about coming to visit our work.
I was in the middle of looking at my calendar and talking to this professor about dates for him to visit when said friend began calling. I red buttoned him because I needed to view the calendar, this happened twice in thirty seconds.
The conversation ended, I walked out of the room to find him, immediately saw him, and now he’s in a shut down state and was very disrespectful to me in front of our colleagues. Then proceeded to say he wasn’t hungry and sat in the car during lunch.
He believes I should have answered the phone, regardless of the conversation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7z8jvBBjSXu9yh3GscUDUGzQiYuLatrX | b90hmq | {
"description": "considering leaving",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for considering leaving? | I am a 22 year old male, the youngest of 6. All of my siblings are 30+. I am the youngest by a large margin, and so my mother always went above and beyond to make sure that I had a better upbringing than my siblings did. I would argue that our relationship is of a very different nature than those she has with her other children.
Once my father passed away after my freshman year, my mother's mental health has rapidly deteriorated. She lost her job and began drinking heavily to drown her sorrows. She got another job, but then lost it soon after. She has been out of work for over a year now, with no intentions of going back. She is near retirement age so I really do not blame her for that.
She is now showing some signs of early onset dementia. I can't help but think it is related to her over consumption. She can remember things that happened 10 years ago, but not 10 minutes ago. She's becoming very frail both physically and mentally. She'll ask the same questions, and tell the same stories over and over again. I try to just listen and enjoy her company, but it is all very sad and hard for me to deal with.
Recently things have gotten markedly worse. She goes out in her car and forgets where she is going, or how to get to the place she is meaning to go to. She went to the store last week, and on her way out spent 30 minutes trying to start and drive someone else's car, until the owner of the vehicle came out and told her that she was in the wrong car. During all of these events, she was 100% sober.
When things like this happen, I am the very first person to hear about it. "Did you hear what mom did? Moms losing her mind." This is all very stressful for me, because the people calling me (my siblings) know that there is nothing I can do about this right now.
It's as if my siblings expect me to graduate college, get a job in my hometown, and then live with my mom and take care of her for the rest of her life. I'm 22. I can hardly take care of myself, let alone my 59 year old mother who couldn't tell me what month or year it is. But after everything she has done for me, I couldn't say no if this was asked of me.
This is where my original question comes into play. Last summer I met someone really special while on an internship halfway across the country. I think I might be in love with this person. I could never ask them to move out here, for a number of reasons. A big part of me wants to move out there so we could be together. It would be a new experience for me. I feel like this is an opportunity that I should not be so quick to pass up.
The way I see it, my 5 older siblings are being selfish to put the burden of responsibility for caring for my mother solely on me. But another part of me says that I'm extremely selfish for even considering moving away at a time like this. I will be graduating in little over a month, at which point I will find myself at a fork in the road.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8cJPGpsMnhUlmwn4FU3i5zsASOOltu9o | aimeci | {
"description": "not wanting to attend a coworkers going away party",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to attend a coworkers going away party | Longtime coworker is moving out of state. We never really got along personally and honestly I’m slightly relieved he’s leaving. I feel pretty bad I feel that way. He is a good person and decent worker. His best quality was his reliability. We just never meshed on a personal level and sometimes it was just uncomfortable being around each other.
My coworkers are trying to set something up on Friday but I am already trying to mentally figure out a way out of this to the point where I want to lie. Friday is also my day off. I’d rather spend it with my real friends doing something I care about. I audibly groan thinking about sitting in a chain restaurant with my team and going bowling. They’re mentally exhausting to go out with. AITA and while you’re at it does anymore have any tips on ditching this correctly | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZQVkNE2U03Hk34KxP3b5b6PjT5yyeuVj | at8465 | {
"description": "telling \"no they won't\" to a person who told someone they'll see their dead pet again one day",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 48
} | AITA for telling "no they won't" to a person who told someone they'll see their dead pet again one day? | It happened on Reddit just a few hours ago. OP was saying they had a hard tim when their pet died, which is totally understandable. Then there was a discussion in the comments that went like this:
Redditor 1: You will see her again someday.
Me: No OP won't. It's terribly sad but it's the truth.
Redditor 2: Why are you like this?
Me: Because I don't like when people tell sweet lies
​
I got pretty well downvoted, which surprised me a bit because you can't just lie to someone like that. When the truth is harsh, you have to face it even when it hurts. Of course OP deserves comforting for their loss, but being delusional doesn't help.
Am I really an asshole there? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 48,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 48
} | WRONG |
vyy4SC6cVZn8yMi8AjGM0uUnmEkz3M5g | ba0n84 | {
"description": "telling a stand up comedian his \"jokes\" weren't funny while he was on stage",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 83
} | AITA for telling a stand up comedian his "jokes" weren't funny while he was on stage? | Background, I am on a semi-vacation/job hunt in California. We were given free tickets to a comedy show. It's not my first choice and since the show were before we wanted to go out I accepted.
The comedian is apparently somewhat famous but I've ever heard of him. Anyways he kicked off the show talking his friends Aziz Ansari and Louis CK. I was like whoa...bold move and I was seriously taken aback and pretty defensive.
He told more jokes and I didn't laugh once. He then said somthing about "#movement (auto mod didn't like this term ) has run its course!" I couldn't help myself so I yelled out somthing like "that subject is never funny." He stopped in his tracks and called for the door men to walk me out and that he wasn't messing around because he was sick or something.
The manager met me outside and said that I was kicked out but he's comp our drinks which made me feel good until he started chewing me out like a little kid that stand up is an "art" and it's the "height of asshole" to heckle a set. He said I was on a two week ban. Really...ok.
But am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 80,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 83
} | WRONG |
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