id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
ig5YoGFrq5eqUdiF8VNq5Xsmld246nm1 | apbcnv | {
"description": "locking my ex-boyfriend out of our house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for locking my ex-boyfriend out of our house? | My ex and I broke up a couple months ago, but we co-signed a lease and are living together until June. It’s a two bedroom place so we are able to stay out of each others hair and do our own thing with little conflict.
Right before Christmas my ex had his wallet and house keys stolen. I went out and got a spare made for him so that he wouldn’t have any issues. Last night, he decided to go to the bar with friends. As he was leaving he told me that he wasn’t sure where his replacement key was, and he didn’t have time to look for it because his uber was here. He asked me to leave the door unlocked for him to come home.
A little background here is necessary I think. We live in a mostly college student townhouse complex. There have been multiple car break ins, and they’ve gotten my car twice. They have to come within a couple feet of my front door in order to get to my car. I am pretty anal about locking the doors, especially since the break ins. It makes me uneasy knowing my front door is unlocked and people are walking right by the door and breaking into cars and stuff. However I agreed to leave the door unlocked to avoid conflict.
This morning I woke up at 5:30 to leave for work and he still wasn’t home. I texted him that he knew I had work this morning and I was going to lock the door while I was gone and that our puppy had been out and was crated. I figured since he had found somewhere to stay the night he would be okay to stay there until 10 am when I got off of work and could let him inside the house.
He was FURIOUS. Texting me that I locked him out on purpose, that he went back home anyways knowing the door was locked and he was forced to sit outside in freezing cold weather waiting for me. He blamed me for upsetting the dog who could hear him but couldn’t get to him, and that the whole neighborhood thinks I’m “psycho”. Now he’s telling me that he’s got a fever and it’s my fault he’s sick since I locked him out. When I first did this I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. I didn’t do it out of spite. I left the door unlocked all night and he decided not to come home. But now all his text messages and verbal abuse are making me second guess myself. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6HpPOtk5xiyT2irqcXJP54sGyXt07vlF | a8hgdw | {
"description": "getting upset someone signed me up and didn't tell me",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset someone signed me up and didn't tell me? | I had no plans of going to the work X-Mas party. I went 4 years in a row. Then skipped last year. And I know I should go, but i didn't plan on it. There's always people missing for one reason or another. My reason was because I didn't want to go.
It's a small office of about 20-30 people. 4 of us work closely together outside most of the office. I was pretty sure it was known that i wasn't going. I mentioned it many times when discussing the office Christmas party. Mostly among the 4 of us. It was not a secret that I wasn't going.
Yesterday, the day before the party, Lady1 and Lady2 were telling me I should go. I reminded them, I am not going. They said the boss would be disappointed. I said I know and I choose to miss this years party. We discussed it for several minutes. And that would be maybe the 5th time we discussed it and about the 12 time it was brought up in passing in just the last few weeks.
Tonight the Xmas party was at 5 pm.
At 3pm Lady1 comes in and says, "Marcusthegladiator, your not going to the Christmas party!!!????"
Me, "Ummm No, I've been saying I am not going for weeks now."
Lady 1, "WHAT! The boss already payed for you he's going to be upset."
Me, "I never said I was going."
Interject Lady Number 2
Lady2, "I asked you a month ago and you said you were going. I put our names on the list.
(There's an RSVP list in a break-room I never go in because it's in a different office at the other end of the floor.)"
Me, "I never told you I was going, I was never going. Why did you write my name??"
Lady2, "I asked you a month ago and you said you were going."
Then we go back or forth for a minute with he said she said.
Now I'm thinking, OK so it's already a disappointment to the boss, now it can be an upset cause someone wrote my name on the RSVP and he paid for me. I never asked anyone to write my name. I never told anyone to write my name. No one ever asked me if i wanted them to write my name. No one ever told me they wrote my name.
The reason I have no desire to go is because little things like this are a daily occurrence. And I feel like I am taking crazy pills often. So I would rather NOT spend an extra evening dealing with it.
Now am I the asshole for being upset with Lady1 and Lady2.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DQVA5En7dCGHa0eDKmia9maLOPXn9t5A | 9tajgt | null | AITA GF asked if I look at other girls butts | My gf(19) and (M22)I have been dating for about a year and a half. Yesterday we were having a normal conversation while cuddling and she asked if I look at other girls butts at the gym. I told her I do but only if they cross my path and I notice that they’re in shape. I told her I don’t seek out looking at other women but if they’re in front of me and cross my path I glance over.
Side note: I’m very into bodybuilding/powerlifting. I even look at other dudes in the gym but not in a homosexual sense. For ex: if a dude is lifting 405 lbs on the flat bench press for reps with good form I’ll look at their physique or if they’re squatting a super heavy weight I’ll look at them.
With all that said she got extremely pissed. I’ve never cheated, don’t want to cheat, or do anything with another.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XGsJhj6vFPDwlCFKfiGz0xGS58JmCx2j | a1wkjk | {
"description": "not doing my Boyfriend's homework",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Not Doing My Boyfriend's Homework? | **WARNING, LONG POST**
I am American (20) and my boyfriend (20) lives abroad. In his country, he has to be fluent in English before he can start college. So currently, he is enrolled in a year of intensive English learning courses at his University before he formally starts his 4 year degree. Well at the beginning of the year, he asked me if I could do his online homework for him. Basically every textbook chapter has an online workbook chapter that needs to be done. So I agreed to do this mostly because 1. He doesn't have/can't afford a laptop and 2. He has an iPhone 5, so I thought that it would be really terrible if he had to use a small screen to try to do the online homework. Anyways, I'm obviously fluent in English so I thought it shouldn't take me as long. As I soon find out, it's a lot of tedious work, so each chapter usually takes me 1.5 hours. I am a biochemistry student that really does not have that kind of time to waste, but I made a promise so I decided I shouldn't complain. But, every time I did a chapter, I never even got a thank you. 0 acknowledgment. I would just get a heads up about when the next chapter was due. So far, I've finished 12 chapters, which is literally the whole textbook.
​
In any case, fast forward to last week. This online workbook gives you unlimited tries on all question. After 2 tries on any question, you get to click a button "see answer" where it shows you the answers. And then you can do the question a third time (knowing the answer) and get a 100%. So last week, while I was doing the 12th chapter, there was a word search/scramble question. These questions come up each chapter and they take me ages. It's a bunch of jumbled up letters and I must make the correct word. Well the words that are the answers are related to the subject of each chapter. They're actually in the textbook, which I don't have obviously but he does. So I took a picture of the question a few days before the deadline and sent it to him. I told him to find the answers in the textbook and simply just message them to me and I can type them into the workbook. It would take him a couple of minutes and save me 30 minutes trying to figure out these words. I've asked before and he never responds, so I usually end up doing it. Well this time I thought the deadline was in an hour and I didn't want to leave it blank and he still hadn't sent me the words after a few days. So I submitted the question twice without answers, used the see answer function, and then put all the answers to get a 100%.
​
Well he finally woke up after I finished chapter 12 and he was pissed. He said his teacher checks if they use the answer function and that I had just ruined his grade. He said I was too lazy to actually do the question and didn't care about his grade, so I used the answer function. At first I thought he was joking. Keep in mind he's mad about 1 question out of thousands of questions I had done at this point. 12 dang chapters. I mean he was really upset and said that "I didn't care at all about him" and that I didn't even try and that I could've solved the question. I told him that I did try but I had no idea because the words were in the context of the chapter from the textbook. I told him that I asked him to check the words in the textbook days ago, but he never sent anything. And I told him I thought the deadline was in an hour and I didn't want to leave it blank and get him a 0.
​
At that point we argued and I was completely shocked by how ungrateful he was for all the time I had spend doing a whole workbook of homework. I told him he should say thank you to me and apologize to me for being so disrespectful. He refused, saying that he would never apologize, and that I should actually apologize to him for missing a question. I told him that I'll never do his homework again and that we should change the subject and talk about something else. Well right after I said that, he blocked me on everything and disappeared. I tried to message and call but nothing went through. Now I knew that he had another chapter due for the new workbook in a week, so I was curious to see when he would unblock me. Lo and behold, he unblocks me and messages me 5 days later, 2 days before the next homework is due. After blocking me only because I said I won't do homework anymore and just wanted to change the subject, he still refused to apologize or show any remorse at all! So I told him he better go to the university library and use their computers (which was always an option) to start his homework, because it would take him a while and I 100% wouldn't be doing it. I also told him he could borrow a laptop from one of his three roommates ,but he never responds to that. I repeatedly told him, if he apologized to me or said sorry, I might do his homework (I would've). But he said "never" and that I should apologize. Come today and the deadline has passed. He didn't do his homework and he got a 0 and blames me. He said he hates me, that I've broken his heart, our relationship is over, and that I've broken his confidence. He said that I've ruined his life, I'm evil-hearted, and that I'm egotistical for wanting and apology and just a simple thank you. "There's nothing more important to you than your ego". "Nothing can change the fact that you let me down. I trusted you. How was I supposed to do it?"
​
I'm really dumbfounded how he has come to all these conclusions and feels this way. I mean am I crazy? He's so adamant that I'm the one in the wrong that I feel like maybe I am really a POS for not doing his homework? I mean when I try to tell him my point of view, it really feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. How can someone be so stubborn to not apologize or say thank you if they're not right? Is he right in some way that I'm missing? Am I egotistical? Should I have just done his homework since he doesn't have a laptop and it would have taken me 1.5-2 hours while it would have taken him 5+? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XJIWhpJkHB8z4vdrGhnnal38lWOc9CnG | ba7gkx | {
"description": "pursuing a relationship with a girl one of my best friends having a crush on",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I pursued a relationship with a girl one of my best friends had a crush on? | I've known my best friend for over 4 years and he's been my roommate for a little over a year now. Two years ago there was a girl he was crushing pretty hard on. He would go on and on about her and how he thought they would eventually start dating. It seemed like a lot footsies and waiting for someone to make a move, but he didn't do anything and he kind of realized that she wasn't interested. They've remained good friends to this day. We've recently started hanging out in a big group and it's pretty clear to me that he still has mad feelings for her (even though he's going after another girl now). She and I are becoming closer and I can feel our want for something more. I can't help but feel like my friend can sense it too as he always finds a way to get between us.
​
So this girl is a fucking CATCH. I feel like I'll have nothing but regret if I don't pursue her. I'll be messing with some real bro code shit, but come on this girl is amazing. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gMrp9deMqEXEjyMzRo1Kjgbe7co2t07N | 9x6zz1 | {
"description": "telling people to stop praising xxxtentacion",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for telling people to stop praising xxxtentacion? | So this happened in the summer but I still kind of feel the effects of it in a way. Basically when x died everyone I knew was posting in their stories “rip x”. I knew the bad stuff he did and hated his music so I posted basically “stop praising x blah blah blah...” with a link to the article about him being a homophobe and wife beater. This resulted in a good friend of mine calling me an asshole and not talking to me anymore. One of the most popular kids in school posted on his story telling me to do which resulted in half a dozen kids screenshotting his snap and backing him up. AMITA for doing this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
OAT2HVN1XFSM1w2Tz7iB8kV2t03KEtIB | b3cg0p | {
"description": "not wanting to pat my dad off for a jeep he bought as a \"surprise\"",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Not Wanting To Pat My Dad Off For A Jeep He Bought As A “Surprise”? | So a few months ago I was at my dad’s house when he asked me what kind of car I wanted. I told him I was thinking about a Jeep Wrangler. Cut to 2 weeks later- he tells me to get my wallet, because he has a surprise for me. I drive over to a storage unit. I see the Jeep that’s normally there- completely inoperable because the last owner rammed it into a telephone pole. We clean it, use a hammer to fix the dents, and find out the radiator is busted. We get a new one and apply it. Next time I come, it’s working. I thank him for buying me a car- and he kind of laughs and says that it’s his until I pay him off for it. I ask him how much he got it for- $2,500. I know that’s literally nothing for a car, but it’s a 2002 Jeep- it’s older than I am. He says that everything we buy to fix it is added onto the price. And he *keeps buying accessories.* Currently I owe him around $3,500. All the money I have is 17 years worth of birthday money- not even half of it. Honestly I don’t want to pay him off for it, mainly because I can’t. But AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rZFe8oxu1udD6ktNrCYzgOekfz86TDkw | b2526i | {
"description": "jumping 3 people in line at the petrol station",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for jumping 3 people in line at the petrol station? | So my local Sainsbury's (uk) petrol station always has a que. I (like most) patiently wait my turn but get frustrated because people block the entrance by waiting for a pump that is on the correct side for their petrol cap (even though the hoses are designed to reach the other side).
On this day 3 cars were waiting even though I could see two pumps available on the far side. After about 2 mins I thought sod it and weaved between them to get to an empty pump.
Am I the asshole for not being traditionally British and waiting politely in que. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
gPvByNXnVi7VC1hyydsPW5pB4L9BhwFa | ab9d2a | {
"description": "getting angry about my roommates breaking my (free) coffee table",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry about my roommates breaking my (free) coffee table? | And then throwing it out without telling anyone after we left for Christmas break.
So backstory, this is my first apartment style living arrangement (2nd year of College and the apartment is through the school). The only roommate I knew before moving in was the one I shared a room with freshman year (referred to as B). The other two guys were friends of B, and Ive met them once (Only one is important for this story, to be reffered to as S).
I got this coffee table as a gift from my step sister and picked it up before the year started. It was very nice and but had a delicate glass center piece, I had figured it would be broke at some point.
But not two days into the semester.
A side note, My roomates are quite a bit more social than i was freshman year, so it was understood that there would be a ton of people coming over (inviting themselves over a lot, but that's a story for another time.). All three of my roommates share the same social circle.
So we had some people over and B had left to go home for the weekend, and I ended up hanging with this group for a bit before retiring to my room and catching some Zs. I'm a bit introverted so I don't enjoy trying to make conversation, but I don't have any issue with these people.
I woke up the next morning and found the living room a mess, with my coffee table moved and had our floor mat over it. It didn't register to me, but 30 min later I checked it out, and it was broke. There was still glass shards around! I eventually got an explanation from S that something had happened, but no details. Turns out he gave me a edited version of the truth, so that I wouldn't be mad at a friend for accidentally breaking it.
A little mad for him lying about it, but I finally got this explanation late that night as all my roommates were gone the full day. Mad cause I didn't get any explanation. Regardless, time moves on and I clean it up. S complains about the hole in the table frequently across the semester.
So fast forward to the Christmas break, and I leave for the year. B returns to the apartment for a bit after everyone leaves and lets me know that the table is in the Dumpster outside! No explanation for a week until S finally responded to our group chat. Apparently he has another table but wanted to surprise us (S lives across the country and Flys to his home on breaks). It's not that I don't believe him, but his message had no follow up and it was written kind of sarcastically, which is common from him.
Am I the asshole for getting angry that my table was thrown out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gDD3ZvW7kUpUj3wNzIaJAi6SYizE2guB | absemb | {
"description": "refusing to date a transgender girl because she has a penis",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to date a transgender girl because she has a penis? | For as long as I can remember, since I was around 7-9 years old, when ever i saw a vagina I would get horny, before I even knew why or what to do with them, I just had a natural sexual attraction to them. But a penis has never done anything for me.
So I was chatting to this transgender girl I met, first transgender person I got to have a proper conversation with, and I was asking loads of questions because I was genuinely curious and wanted to understand more. After a while she asked if I wanted to go out to movies with her, I agreed but as long as we went as friends. She asked why and I told her that I'm not sexually attracted penises.
This really upset her, and made me feel kind of shallow. Sex is definitely better when you are emotionally involved, and maybe there is a chance I could of gotten emotionally attached to her... So am I being shallow? Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
hpsIlHd1c0g927zCzanhVqtyWV17EXXe | a53pis | {
"description": "suspending an employee I've known since I was seven",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for suspending an employee I’ve known since I was seven? | Background info: I am a manager at a pretty successful independent restaurant. I’ve worked there for the last twenty years, as a server then bartender then moving into management. Since it is a family business, there’s people who have known me since I was tiny. Some of these servers have been there since the beginning, and I’ve known them for 30 years. A few years ago they fired the server manager based on poor job performance and after a few months I took over the position.
One server in particular, let’s call her Patty, has been there for 30+ years. She’s been head server, helped run the restaurant, and very much cares about the business. However, she is loud and abrasive and bossy and has actually scared quite a few new employees away.
This person and I have spent a lot of time together, planned many group outings together, helped each other outside of work, and had a ton of fun together. However, now I’m her boss and she is a b***h. I’ve tried talking to her, she’s been spoken to by HR and written up numerous times and her behavior does not change. At our last HR meeting she was told if she doesn’t stop telling everyone what to do and being rude, she would be suspended. That day was today.
This last week I had numerous employees come to me with complaints. She also spoke to me numerous times this past week disrespectfully and extremely rudely. She’s made it clear she does not respect me professionally and thinks my predecessor (who was fired for being petty and nasty) did a better job.
Keep in mind this is someone I’ve thought of as a friend for the past twenty years. She has many wonderful qualities and does so many wonderful things for people (examples- sees everyone’s aprons; brings in Easter baskets for some of the staff who don’t have moms, etc). I value our friendship and have respect for her as a person.
I took the complaints and my observations to HR today and she was suspended. I’m responsible for my entire department of fifty or so people, and the majority of them feel bullied or belittled by her. Her defense is that she’s trying to uphold the standards of the business and that things are slipping. I’ve told her numerous times I appreciate her experience and knowledge and if she has concerns to please come to me about it, instead of bossing the rest of the employees around. She’s been warned numerous times that the next step was suspension.
AITA for putting my friend in this position? One more strike and she’s fired- an employee of 35 years and a friend of more than 20. I pretty much pushed this suspension to happen. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
g2ugf26hillDOnFVECBWP6GRMprIWsWZ | 9wi1ni | {
"description": "not going to the movies with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going to the movies with a friend? | So this is as simple as it seems: we have a 1 week break from school and I told her I didn't want to go and she stopped talking to me. Did I say something wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2UuVdklNJmm9T0Msc2V2lkTiFIblOmJs | ae2l4z | {
"description": "not wanting kids to play video games in my room",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting kids to play video games in my room? | Long read, tldr at the end. Throwaway because my bf reddits too
I (F24) and bf(25) live with my bf's parents. We've lived with them for a few years while paying off student loans and haven't had any issues. However, recently my bf introduced his little brother (6) to PS4 online gaming and got him set up with an account. Now the PS4 and TV are located in our room, I didn't mind at first because they only played together and usually my bf kicked him out after an hour or two. Now it's evolved to his brother playing as soon as hes home from school and occasionally my bf's cousins (around the same age) join in. There's times that I get home from my evening workout after work so around 7:30pm/8pm and his brother and cousins are still playing! On the weekend his brother is constantly bugging us to play and will wait outside our door or the bathroom to ask us. Anytime we leave my bf tells him he can play so sometimes we leave for hours and come back and he's still playing.
Now I've told my bf before that it's frustrating to constantly come home to kids in my room and kicking them out every day makes me feel like an asshole. Also, I play some games too so my game time has dropped as well. He understood and tried implementing stricter hours but that only lasted like a week. Now his little brother is acting very entitled and gets upset when I dont let him play which is at most 2-3 times a month (usually on the weekend) when I just want to relax in the room.
Now I had a day off yesterday and I heard his little brother complain to his parents that I'm hogging the PS4 and that it's not fair that he can't play today and I'm always kicking him off. I didn't hear their responses but that comment kind of pushed me over the edge. I called him into the room and told him I heard what he said and that wasn't very nice, playing the ps4 is a privilege and he's not entitled to play every day. Because of his rude comment he couldn't play today or tomorrow. He started crying to his parents, his parents haven't said anything to me or bf but I feel like I may have overstepped my boundaries?
I do feel bad because I remember how much fun I had playing games when I was younger but I feel like the kids are constantly in the room and my room is really the only private space I have in the house. So am I the asshole for kicking bf's little brother off the PS4? WIBTA if I restricted their game time to only a few times a week?
Tldr: Bf's little brother and cousins play the PS4 in my room for multiple hours almost every day. Am I that asshole for kicking them off the PS4 for a few days? WIBTA if I restricted their game time to only a few times a week? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
jjI8Mpv636O0DRgtKE1kbpYPLPqLwajl | abhx8o | {
"description": "not getting back together with the mother of my child partly because she slept with someone else while we were apart",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I didn’t get back together with the mother of my child partly because she slept with someone else while we were apart? | “AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR CALLING IT QUITS IN THE END AFTER A ROLLER COASTER OF A RELATIONSHIP” is my actual question. I ramble a bit as my situation just happened last night and I really tried to check myself and just go out for a smoke and breathe and I came to a serious realization about myself and aspects of my life. Anyways,If at any point u can answer that, feel free to stop there and let me have it.
Tl;DR: KINDA LONG TOO BECAUSE I WANT TO PAINT THE FULL PICTURE BECAUSE IM REALLY MISSING SOMETHING.(I’m honestly desperate for an answer. I know it’s not an advice thread but please point out what I wish was obvious to me.Full details in the bottom. Happy new year before I forget. ) Gf and I had a bit of a falling out tonight after I found out she slept with another dude while we were in a weird spot but definitely not dating. but for once it’s me getting a taste of my own medicine. And it hurt like fucking hell because I treat others like shit and put myself first and I came to a massive realization after a rough relationship with my gf I (I’m 22, and I want to stop this cycle of bullshit. I’m miserable because Ive been stuck in this loop and now that I’m for some reason seeing things differently I really don’t think I’m good for a relationship) . I really believe I love this girl. I really feel like I would use our current incident against her. It’s just how I cope. And I don’t want to do that because it’s not fair to her. Treated a wonderful girl and person like shit and she took it. Almost decided to bail out after getting her pregnant after a couple of months of us meeting. (I have 2 kids already that I love to death and have every other weekend. The only time I was sober was when I was with my kids and at work. I started losing my shit and drinking seemed to be the answer [DUMB] A lot of other details and this shit just happened and I just... really feel taken back by it. I think I should end it. I believe she’d stand by me if I really went to therapy or something to sort out what’s in my head but.. I’m mad. I honestly want space. And I feel bad but I can’t not be upset and I can just lose my shit randomly just by thinking about it. My kids don’t see this shit too much. I’d love to take them more but my shitty work schedules and a lot of other things (like their mother not being willing).
Honestly, there’s so much backstory to this that it’d take til next year. I was not a very good boyfriend at all. She and I met at a bar. It was cool. And then I started losing my shit, treating her kinda bad, and drinking a lot. Fast forward. She’s pregnant. I push for abortion but he l we decide to try it out. Long story short, we try an apartment. I can’t stand it. She has her family move in to replace me. I start dating someone else and move back home. (Not sure what o was doin here. I’d like to cry that I have a mental illness but I really am just a fuckin idiot sometimes)
She’s a perfectly fine girl tbh. She’s smart and pretty. And sometimes she definitely deserves better than me. Fast forward some more. I realized I fucked up. She takes me back immediately but she comes to live with me for a bit so we can get back on our feet. (The stress of the apartment and all really sucked and strained us both so it was a relief no matter what and I was wrong to just leave, I know)
Fast forward more. I quit drinking. . We try it again, ya know. Not workin. She’s bitter which is understandable. But she’s totally stuck ( family is fuckin shit.) So we live together.us and the baby. I also have my other kids on the weekend. ( she’s great with them) . At some point, I just get bored and start talking to someone from work. Fuck around a bit. She finds out. (Which hurt her feelings and honestly, I wish I didn’t do it. But I did. And it hurt her bad. I came to a realization though.. I really fucked my head up between blowing things out of proportion, justifying my own actions by twisting things ( any time she would go out or something when we were first dating, I’d be a dick sometimes but in my head I would come up with bizarre shit. It seemed like she slept around a bit and that hit my insecurity hard [seriously fucked up. I know.... ]) , and drinking hard for almost a year. She’s perfect.. she’s wonderful. And about 2 months ago she said she was going out with a friend (she and I were friendly and having sex again at this point but definitely not dating.. and she instead messaged some dude and fucked him. And fuck I am angry. And not exactly at her. She never planned on telling me but I called her out on something earlier tonight because I couldn’t shake a feeling. Ya know that fucking awful pit? It’s even worse because I deserve it.
Now, sharing ever bitty detail, well, as much as I can remember, am I the asshole for.. for being upset? I know it’s not fair to her. But before this, it seemed like we were getting closer. And I felt like we were getting somewhere. And then.. we even got back together. She’s put up with so much of my shit and I’m fairly certain has never really done anything else behind my back. (Which it kind of wasn’t, even. [I’m not too sure if a comma goes there. ]) But I just feel stupid. I act like an asshole and so dumb shit to protect myself. It’s shitty but it’s kept me okay(so far). And it feels like the LITERAL moment I let my guard down, (maybe it’s karma and I might deserve it for the bullshit I did, but it never fuckjn fails that I get hurt. This is a trend in all relationships of mine. Whether intimate or not.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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Nbgw5JHvmxwrCUJssqB6I7mb91KaMWRU | b8z0f3 | {
"description": "ghosting a depressed person after he kept calling me with horrible nicknames",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for ghosting a depressed person after he kept calling me with horrible nicknames? | So i knew this guy and he seems to have a crush on me
While we were talking I find out he is severely depressed and he lives in a constant fear of being abandoned by people he likes
Recently he started using sweet names with me like "cutie" or "potato" which I REALLY don't like,and i find quite bad and embarassing,especially because I don't like him back
I politely asked to stop,and he replied with "why? you're an actual potato"
I kept talking to him asking every time to stop but,at the end,I couldn't handle this anymore,so I ghosted him
He keeps writing,sending messages etc. but i just ignore him
So,am I the asshole for making his fear of abandonment come true? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 13,
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"RIGHT": 13,
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dKcyAdXWqmLV78HJBdOCcSsaVuwcigZ7 | acrkk6 | {
"description": "suggesting my gf seek counseling for her family drama so I don't have to hear about it anymore",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I suggested my gf seek counseling for her family drama so I don’t have to hear about it anymore? | About 15-18 months ago her and her sister had this huge end of the world I never want to speak to her again fight. I’m being as supportive as I know how to be but after a year plus I’m tired of hearing about it. The problem is that she’s big in talking/venting/ranting and not having that ability would make her miserable. My solution is she gets to do that, just with someone else.
Couple side notes 1) she has other family and girlfriends to talk to and believe me she does do so but I still get an earful on a regular basis. 2) she’s blocked her sister on Facebook and other social media but gossip and she said nonsense has a way of finding itself to us. Once she hears anything it’s like a full blown relapse and we have to muddle through the initial fight all over again until we get to the newest transgression.
​
Edit - i botched the title originally so i killed the first post. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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h138maxGrOCYN2WJ83pJWuqxcm17WmhZ | avl8ge | {
"description": "playing a revenge prank on my brother and his girlfriend on Valentines day",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 91
} | AITA for playing a revenge prank on my brother and his girlfriend on Valentines day? (I snuck a "how to buy diamonds" book for her to find in our apartment). | For some background, I live with my brother while he's getting his feet under him and I'm getting my masters degree. He is 27, I am 22. He has been dating this girl "Liz" for about 6 years and she is about to come unglued waiting for him to propose and he claims that he's just not ready yet.
About 4 months ago, my brother found my Tinder account and he and his friends basically catfished the shit out of me using pics they stole from Instagram. I was an idiot and I fell for it, hook line and sinker. I wanted to get revenge on him some how but wasn't sure.
The week before Valentines day I was in B&N and saw this book "How to Buy Diamonds" on one of the endcaps. I saw my chance so I bought the book. On Valentines morning I stole my brothers phone, turned it off and watched him stomp around the house which in reality was a pretty good prank. He went to work without his phone and since I was home all day, I "hid" the book in the stack of crap my brother keeps on the coffee table and at like 4 I texted Liz and said basically "Bro lost his phone, he wanted me to text you to come over now if able so he can take you out." She texted me back and showed up maybe an hour later.
I made sure the binding of the book was plainly visible and let her in. I said I had to study in my room and closed the door. I could hear her flipping through a magazine and then about died laughing when she called her sister or friend and said something like "he has a how to buy a diamond book! Oh my god. Do you think it's tonight? Oh my god! It has to be tonight. It has to be! I call you back as soon as it happens!" I literally couldn't contain myself I was laughing so hard.
So bro got home, they went on their date. Maybe 2 hours later they came back through the door screaming bloody murder at each other. Obviously he hadn't proposed and she was screaming at him why did he have a "how to buy diamonds" book if he wasn't going to propose. He was trying to talk his way around it all because she was furious with him. Finally she dug the book out of the stack of stuff and threw it at the wall. My brother obviously knew it was me at that point but Liz didn't care and said she needed a "break" to figure out if the relationship is really for her after 6 years. As far as I know she hasn't spoken to him in two weeks.
For my brothers part, he understands that I was just getting back at him and he admits it was a pretty good joke but he is truly, truly broken hearted over Liz possibly breaking up with him over it. I feel really bad but at the same time I didn't make her freak out.
Am I the asshole for doing it? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 20,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 91
} | WRONG |
EZqG2LSjFbBkQxr1YvThjM9KIGcrbVMN | as57d5 | null | AITA Mom Has Issues With My Conversion | I (M32) was raised in a Christian home partly in South Carolina, then we moved to California.
She put me in bible classes, youth groups, etc. It was fundamentalist but my parents were well educated and never believed in stuff like Young Earth or being anti-medicine. We were still biblical literalists.
A few years ago I decided to convert to Judaism. It wasn’t a surprise and was a long time coming. Christianity didn’t work for me anymore, and I connected more with the Jewish part of my heritage.
I developed a relationship with a Rabbi, a temple, and took classes since Jewish conversion is a long process.
My mom took this hard and for the first couple years I tried to be patient. But I’ve put more boundaries lately.
These boundaries more or less started when I found out she was telling people I was a Messianic Jew.
I do not want to be associated with any Jews for Jesus movement. This turned into a big, multi-week fight. She claimed that it was a shameful thing in her southern culture and with her extended family if I left Christianity and that this was a reasonable compromise.
I finally told her if she lied to someone else I would call the person up, even an old family friend, to inform them I’m not Christian.
Maybe threats or ultimatums are wrong. But it fixed it.
She is upset that I;
-Will not go to church with her on special occasions, but I fully support her going to church. She says she would go to temple with me if I invited her, so this isn’t fair.
-Do not keep Christmas or Easter in my household, but I will go to family gatherings on the holidays. (I subtly avoid expressly religious rituals at them.)
-Would not allow her to take hypothetical children I have to Sunday School and church with her, but she would be welcome to talk about her religion in front of said children unless it’s an attempt to convert them.
I’m not married. I have no kids.
She claims that while she doesn’t think I’m going to Hell, it’s still very hard for her and she thinks she failed raising me in Jesus.
I find that notion insulting. My beliefs are my own choice, not just a result of upbringing. I’m also much farther left than she is politically and that’s not her fault, either. I don’t think she considers politics a relevant comparison.
She thinks I’m not considering her feelings or compromising at all for her sake and it is an insult to her parenting to reject how I was raised. I think my religion is my own business, I’m not trying to convert her, and I’m happy for her to have her own faith.
I have put a moratorium on conversations about;
-My relationship with Jesus
-What my father would think
-What she did wrong to make me leave the faith
Do I need to be more considerate of her feelings and more willing to engage in certain practices that I don’t believe in to make her feel like we are still more of a cohesive family? I know she feels like we are less of a family unit since dad died.
Thanks. | HISTORICAL | {
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lilCndz434ng6z27CVj1fZAJms7WKjNJ | b2yq6v | {
"description": "accidentally killing a kitten when I was younger",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for accidentally killing a kitten when I was younger. | Insert obligatory reddit mobile Format here
Before I start the story let me explain what I am like a little, the one major thing is that I have no common sense whatsoever, not mentally Impaired, just I have never thought about what I am doing and at the time I had no concept of death
So when I was younger (4yrs old) we had about door cat, this was the one cat that we didn’t get neutered, so it ended up having litter of kittens.
Now I have always like animals so I took a liking to caring from them, so one day I don’t know why but I flipped one. I think I accidentally broke its neck because it wasn’t moving and couldn’t breathe. So my father put it out of its misery, and I realized what I had done.
I still feel terrible about it now (15yrs old) and have never forgiven my self, so I figured getting someone else’s opinion might help.
So AITA for killing a kitten | HISTORICAL | {
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X0KF69SInmd6Jz9r6LAylmRSFnl3cmQP | 9x53gh | {
"description": "asking my friend to reimburse me 150$ for my phone screen she broke",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my friend to reimburse me 150$ for my phone screen she broke? | I was redirected for r/relationships to here! They were a lot of help, but I still want to hear this subs opinion on the situation.
First of all, I would like to apologize for my English. It is not my first language, but I am hoping to learn more of it as I go!
This happened a couple days ago. While me, two other girls, and the girl that broke my phone (I'll call her Heather) where walking home from school. This happened about 50 meters from school ground.
Something you should know about Heather is that she is on the bigger side and does boxing as a hobby. So naturally she has a lot of physical strength. I on the other hand am as tiny as they come. Hethers was being her playful self and body slammed herself into one of the girls. Mind you, we were walking in a straights line, so that made the girl that got body slammed, slam into the other girl, and then that girl slammed into me.
I first got slammed into a metal fence (we were on this small bridge) then roughly hit the pavement. The fence left a pretty bad bruse, and my pants were completely beyond repair at the knee aria, leaving me with 2 bad wounds that my aunt who is a medical professional begged me to go to the hospital because "it looks like you will need stitches" I didn't go, and one of my knees is still beading, but I don't care.
My phone, witch I was holding in my hand got completely shattered. The bottom half of my screen is nothing but broken glass. When I saw it I said that she will pay for it. After that I went to the shop i bought the phone in (as fast as my knees would take me, my theory is I was running on the adrenaline from the fall) They said that my phone insurance doesn't cover broken screens but they could sent it to repair for 150$. I said ok and went home. I am still paying of this phone for 2 years, so I can't get a new one.
My guardian (my aunt, I really hope my parents are in a better place now. :) ) freaked out, saying that I will not pay for that phone with my money, and that she is willing to go to the principal if needed.
After that a friend that is in my friend group tryed to tell me that I do not need to fix the screen, some people just let them be as it is (which I do, the phone is barely working) and that I am not homeless so I have no right to say anything about my torn pants. I got mad and told her to mind her own business, this has nothing to do with you. Hether left the chat group after that. I proceeded to have a panic attack after the whole thing. I send a message to Hether saying how much the screen cost, and that we can work something out but she ghosted me.
Today I came into school and Hether and another girl ignored me the whole time. Another girl told me I shouldn't be asking Hether to reimburse me for the screen because she is my friend. Another girl told me I took my anger out on all of them because I said to that one girl in the group chat to mind her business. The said girl is still taking to me, but only a little. I tryed to talk to Heather but she just did sighed and pushed past me.
Is what I am doing wrong? Please help me. I am willing to split the costs or maybe make monthly payments for the screen with her. But she will not listen. I don't even think I can get the school involved because it didn't happen on school grounds, just next to them. My aunt is thinking of getting the parents involved. I don't want this to escalate,but I will not just stand here and say nothing happened. Please give me advice on this situation, thank you! :)
TL;DR: Friend broke my phone screen and is now ignoring me. I'm trying to work things out before they escalate, but she will not cooperate. | HISTORICAL | {
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mAUDvmtENv7ocwRtC2rSMIoQytd0qPI8 | b3b0pp | {
"description": "stopping my ex lovers promotion",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 25
} | AITA for stopping my ex lovers promotion? | A couple of month ago I started dating a colleague from work who was flirting with me since years. I became single recently and as he seemed to be a nice guy I gave it a try. We regularly met and he kept telling me that he likes and appriciates me and how much I mean to him.
4 weeks ago he told me about a girl he fell in love with. Certainly I was puzzled and confronted him when he said, he never promised me anything, this was just a friends with benefits thing and I shouldn't make a drama.
In parallel, he is in the inner cycle of getting a promotion which I do not take the decision but have some strong influence on the decision making process. I always supported him as the strongest candidate and his revelation of the other girl came right at the time after the decision should have been made. But in fact, it wasn't so I used my influence to make sure somebody else gets the job. On top of that I planted the seed that he is not a reliable employee as I strongly think he only used me to get the job and shouldn't be rewarded.
AITA for using my job to get revenge on an ex lover? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
a1tTDu7nV7gTDFyvabhFSIygzi6CEMeC | an78tt | {
"description": "cutting contact with my family",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting contact with my family? | Long story short i've [19F] never had a good bond with my parents [Both well in their 50s] because of mental health issues they didn't support me with and a weird mix between being overprotective over me and me being 'adult enough to figure stuff out myself' in their eyes. Living with them made my depression much, much worse and made me feel like shit in general. That and not having many friends really got the worst of me for a while.
Lately, i've got a loving and supporting boyfriend [21M] who i've been childhood friends with 10 years ago. Basically i stayed over at his place for a night and never left, and have now been unofficially living with him for almost 5 months.
My parents want me to come home (Which i do around biweekly) or just look for a place for myself but because of my mental and physical health issues it's just not the smartest thing to do. My parents now keep bugging me for small stuff (Claiming i've been breaking their stuff when i'm over, guilt tripping me for taking care of me for all those years) and now i've had a small fight with my brother [15] and they want me to come over to talk it through tomorrow evening.
I told them i couldn't, because i have a concert and just generally don't feel like it. Me and my bro worked it out already so i don't feel the need to. She basically told me "If you think a dumb concert is more important than your family you can just fuck off" which basically made something snap in me and i said okay and hung up the phone.
I don't think i'll have much contact with them anymore now and i know it hurts my parents a lit because they do care about me. The years of physical abuse and gaslighting/other forms of manipulation just made me so tired and scared of my parents i seriously don't feel at home ( or even comfortable) around them anymore to the point of having suicidal thoughts. AITA for cutting them off?
Tldr; My parents have been unsupportive / manipulative for years and are guilt tripping me for living with my boyfriend instead, making me feel so much happier. AITA for cutting them off? | HISTORICAL | {
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ypb1SCf8K1KrmDyRUftOdCXWwTpwi1EX | awc89n | {
"description": "yelling at my mom when she wouldn't stop yelling at me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for yelling at my mom when she wouldn’t stop yelling at me? | Background: I am a 16 year old guy. Some family were coming over, so I took shower before they arrived.
My mom was getting super stressed out about cleaning and making sure we put stuff away. I was sitting in my room after I showered, and my mom tried to come in my door to give me some clothes. The door was locked since I was changing, so she started yelling “SPACEMAN, I’M PUTTING THESE CLOTHES ON YOUR LAUNDRY HAMPER OUTSIDE YOUR ROOM AND YOU BETTER COME OUT AND PUT THEM AWAY BEFORE YOU JUST THROW THEM BACK IN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER AND THEY NEED TO BE WASHED AGAIN blah blah blah”
I was just chillin in my room and wanted some peace and quiet to relax before we had guests, so I yelled “OKAY OKAY OKAY!” and interrupted her.
Now I feel like she’s avoiding me because I yelled.
AITA, even though she was yelling at me first?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
Fi6sEpP8FwFBUGtH288vBbVldxRbZWUu | a301on | {
"description": "not going along with any Christmas plans with my old group of friends from high school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for not going along with any Christmas plans with my old group of friends from high school? | So I've known a majority of the people in this group from middle school, so roughly almost 8/9 years. However, we are all growing apart as it tends to happen when people split up for college and move all around. The thing is though, is that for years around Christmas we have consistently done secret santa and hung out. More or less everyone is in town for the break and we all coordinate something. And every single year it's been held at my house.
This past year though, I had a really bad falling out with one of the girls within the group. She became part of the group during high school, but we had become close before we went off to college. She was the one person that remained close by and we were "best friends". The reason why I cut off communication with her was because she kept trying to get me back with my ex, and consistently was rude to my new boyfriend. My ex had pushed to remain friend shortly after we had broken up and had claimed they could handle it but ultimately wasn't moving on. They ended up throwing a big fit when I got in my current relationship over a year after and just was getting crazy drunk and blaming me for them finally leaving the group. My ex-friend was by their side constantly, and I understood her reasons for it, but months after and she was still trying to push us together was taking its toll. I had explained to her why I broke up with my ex to begin with but apparently that was never respected. We tried working through it, but she kept bringing my ex into the picture so I finally was done dealing with all the drama and told her to have fun with my ex.
With a majority of the rest of the group, who were aware of my new partner during the last Christmas meeting and a couple know the ex-friend disliked him, they don't know about all the drama that took place after because we don't all keep in touch. And many aren't aware that we don't speak anymore as far as I know. Only one friend knows all that occurred and I still keep in more consistent contact with her.
We had spring break come up after we had the falling out and I did make plans with this group of friends and we hung out for an afternoon before I had to leave for work and such. The ex-friend didn't take part for whatever reason, but I also made it clear to the mutual friend who planned it that I did not want to accidently run in to her whatsoever. And that I would be fine seeing them another time if she was to join them. This mutual friend also acknowledged that for these group hangouts it would probably be better if it was held at another house besides mine. Which I completely agreed with.
More recently though, I recently talked with the mutual friend and asked if there were any plans in motion for this Christmas break, and I wanted to speak up about my desire to not be part of the secret santa and also reiterate that I would not be comfortable having anything at my house if the other person was to come. As for secret santa, I didn't want to put either me or my ex-friend in the awkward position of getting each other, and then further having the gift exchange primarily be with one person over another.
The mutual friend misunderstood what I was saying though and thought that I completely didn't want to meet up with anyone if they were in town. I clarified it with her that I was referring to specifically secret santa and she understood and actually didn't want to do that regardless since the group has grown apart. But she first had been arguing about how everyone would be willing to work with the fact that I just don't want to see my ex-friend.
In thinking about it however, I almost just don't want to do anything they may plan. I know that they would all be willing to work to accommodate me and want to not choose sides in the matter. But I honestly haven't talked with a majority of them directly since that last break where we met up. And I would hate to impose restrictions on what is supposed to be a light hearted gathering.
And they all just don't understand the issue that occurred. Even the friend that I have kept in contact with has more or less written off all that has occurred in regards to my ex-friend even though she can acknowledge that I was always trying my best to be respectful and the ex-friend was the one crossing the line over and over.
I was even having an open conversation with her about how horrible the situation was because it tanked my happiness and confidence for months when it happened. Because when my ex was blaming me for everything, my "best friend" and the mutual friends I stayed in contact with were all by their side because they felt that I was strong enough and didn't need support. The mutual friends only changed their behavior after my boyfriend went and explained that they didn't have the whole story. Ultimately, I explained to my friend that from my point of view none of the drama was worth it because I lost a person who was supposed to be a good friend, and I had to deal with my ex blaming me for everything when I had made it clear we were over for more than a year before I got into a new relationship. And the mutual friend basically just said that all the drama was unfortunate but there was a silver lining because she was able to meet my ex and become friends with them.
I told her that it's all fine and dandy for her to not be bothered by all that occurred and be happy cause she got a friend out of it. But for me personally it wasn't worth it. I left it at that in terms of the conversation with her. But it just basically confirmed for me that she excuses all of my ex's and my ex-friend's behavior. I never asked any of them to pick sides and still never have and never wish to do that, but I always question how they could be okay with the way they were acting. Because both of them were explicitly badmouthing me and my boyfriend, either to our face or to the mutual friends.
At this point, I'm really am questioning whether I even want to try and hang out with this group of friends from high school when I barely talk to any of them and the one I more consistently talked to I am unsure of if I want to remain friends with. I feel like it would almost be better if I just remove myself from the picture and not even worry about hanging out with them. If they all hear the story from my ex-friend later on and believe that I am the asshole, well then I guess that's their opinion of me and it's unfortunate.
I've talked with my family about it, but they don't see why I just don't want to deal with it anymore and they don't understand why I need to "give up" my friends cause of the drama with the other girl. I've just explained that it's a normal part of moving on.
However, I would like to hear a more unbiased opinion. I still feel overall that they are good people. But it's all just a lot of stress that I don't want to deal with, and I barely keep in contact with them. Would I be the asshole if I just left the group and didn't join in on any plans, even if they were willing to find times where I wouldn't run into my ex-friend? And would I be the asshole to discuss more specifically why I don't want to take part with the one friend that knows everything?
TL;DR: My group of friends that I barely keep in touch with typically do plans around Christmas. I want to bail out on any plans cause I don't want to deal with the stress of coordinating with an ex-friend that prioritized my ex when we were supposed to be "best friends". My other friends in the group aren't aware of all the drama that happened and the one that is more or less excuses all the stuff my old friend and ex did. Would I be the asshole for completely removing myself from the situation and not committing to any plans? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
T9ZYUAcZhnd8gR8EZulYsh3L1sucSig8 | b1gg6s | {
"description": "telling my fiancé her brother and his newborn cannot live with us",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTAH if I tell my fiancé her brother and his newborn cannot live with us. | Background:
So about a year ago my brother and his wife got into a fight. They almost broke up. My brother and his baby came to my house as they had no where else to go. (I’ve always been the caretaker of the family since mom is an addict and dad is unstable). I told them they could stay with us (even though we have NO room cause my other brother and his friend already live with me). Well good news is the brother and his wife made up the same day. So he never actually stayed with us. But the option was there in case he needed it. My fiancé didn’t argue. She wasn’t pleased, but she didn’t argue.
Now, her brother is an ex addict. He’s been homeless for about 5 years and addicted to meth and heroin. He lost his first 2 sons 5 years ago. He got clean about a year ago with a relapse 7 months ago. 9 months ago he got another addict pregnant. She just had the baby. He is now working with CPS to get custody of his kid. The problem is he lives in a halfway house that doesn’t allow children. He has applied for other housing options which could take 1-12 months to actually get into. CPS needs to know where he and the baby would stay if it took him longer to get approved for the housing. The baby will be in the NICU for about 1-2 months since it was born with a lot of heroin in his system. In that time he could get approved for his housing. He might not. If not, CPS needs to know where he and the baby will stay. So he asks my fiancé if they could live with us (if needed) until he gets his other housing.
The thing is though, is I have 4 stoners living in my house. With constant weed smoking. Everyday pretty much all day (no comments on this please we are adults, we have no children in the house, we own our house, we all have jobs etc etc). If I invite an ex addict into my home with all this paraphernalia I think it’s a bad idea. Will he relapse? Will he even be able to care for the kid? Are we going to become a daycare? He didn’t want his other 2 kids, how is this one going to be? There will be a drug addicted newborn in my house crying all hours of the night (I work at 4am every morning). Is this “only a couple of months” going to turn into years?
I want to so badly say no. But I feel like “well she did allow my brother to stay with us” (even though he didn’t end up doing it). The other things is he and the baby could go live with his dad. He lives alone, has 2 extra rooms and is waaayy financially stable. He just doesn’t want to because “Every time I live in (insert town name) I relapse because all my friends are there” but the thing is we live only 5 minutes away from that town. I don’t see the big difference.
So guys. Be blunt. Let me have it. WILL I BE THE ASSHOLE IF I SAY NO TO HIM AND HIS NEWBORN COMING TO STAY WITH US? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
9nlIjAukbHmoHZr8VB9THfPEgUvqe56e | ay7wkt | {
"description": "telling my friend my opinions on his selfish parents",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend my opinions on his selfish parents? | I have known my friend for 10 years now (and dated at one point but broke it off mutually) so I know a lot about his life. He is a nice person, but in my opinion, is a complete pushover. He is 25 years old, has stable job, and earns a decent amount. Since the time that I have known him, he has been completely devoted to his parents, to the point that they can do no wrong. His parents are immigrants from India (as are mine) and he feels that they have sacrificed a lot for him to come to this country, get him a private elementary school education and paid for part of his college (which was mostly paid for by scholarships, his parents paid for around 20k).
​
Currently, he lives at home with his parents and pays for the electricity & phone bills and monthly payments for a leased car (they all share one car). He saved up around 80k and his parents saved up around 20k to put a down payment for a house together. All of that is fine and all, but here's the problem: his parents have exhibited behavior that goes outside of normal Indian parent expectations, in my opinion. When they decided to get a new car, his father consistently complained about any of the cheaper models, and they ended up getting a more expensive one. Alongside that, the parents consistently disliked the houses within the realistic budget that he set and they ended up being adamant about one particular house that was way over budget. These are the two main things, but there are lots of little things I picked up on over the years about them hinting at wanting a certain phones, complaining about gifts, etc.
​
So my problem is, my friend comes complaining to me all the time about such things. He always laments that he wishes he had richer parents, that he's jealous of our mutual friends who have no real responsibilities, that he wishes he could just be young and carefree. I have always tried to be supportive, but at the same time, I always say things like it is. Today, I kind of said fuck it and ended up telling him that his parents are being selfish by wanting a more expensive house, fully knowing that within 5 years or so, he will be footing the mortgage payments. I also said that his parents should've tried harder to save more money over the last 16 years that they have been here instead of expecting so much out of their son. I also said that he should pick one or the other: be a completely doting son and do what he feels like he needs to do...or, do some things for his parents but also think about saving for his own future.
​
Needless to say, he got mad at me. I know what I was definitely harsh (especially calling his parents "selfish") but I really was tired of the same recycling of him coming to me to complain about his responsibilities but never putting his foot down in front of his parents. So am I the asshole and do I owe him an apology now? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
GSk6VrCwA1vh6TDiinkomSek0McNzqAD | 9w3n49 | {
"description": "being bribed after witnessing a domestic assault a couple of years back",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for being bribed after witnessing a domestic assault a couple of years back. | I was in a very bad place at the time, very miserable. I was walking through a hallway and saw a guy punch a woman to the floor, saying to her 'don't you ever answer me back'. Anyhow, he turned and saw me watching. The woman in question was lying on the floor I think unconscious but perhaps not.
He reached in his pocket, I thought he was going to pull a gun but he out a wallet and handed me $200 and said 'you didn't see anything right?'. I replied 'see what?' and the guy smiled. I walked away and never reported the incident.
It was in a particularly bad point of my life and I had enough grief without worrying about other people's, plus I doubt the woman in question would have done anything had I been in trouble. The $200 in question helped me provide for myself and my pet. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
CwdWppPQW1VIVzdNyt9V2k8e8ZaQ2qRH | a5v4xr | {
"description": "not taking my lawyers advice for something I didn't do",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not taking my lawyers advice for something I didn't do? | About six months ago I was accused of a hit and run. The person who reported the hit and run claimed they witnessed me bump into a car in a parking lot, which I have no recollection of. Anyways, later that night I get a call from my local police station asking if I had been driving in this town near by which is not my hometown, I said yes, confused why I was being called. He explained that a bystander had reportedly saw me bump into a parked car and I should call the officer it was reported to in the other town. I did that and ended up meeting with the officer at the station a few days later and he did not want to hear anything I had to say. In fact, he did not even care to see my car which I found to be weird, since if I hit a car and caused $1000 in damages (which is what the police report claims) wouldn't he want to see my car? I also should mention that the parking lot where I supposedly hit the car is RIGHT across from the police station and there is supposedly no video surveillance of the accident. So the officer decided to give me the ticket and I went on my way. I was curious who this bystander was who reported the accident since he wasn't even the OWNER of the car, I looked him up on the internet after seeing his name on the police report and after seeing a photo of him I remembered when I was pulling into this parking spot that there was another young guy with a girl in a black Mercedes who were competing for the parking space and I pulled in ahead of them, and as the car drove around to the adjacent side he flipped me off. So I got a lawyer and explained the whole story to them and they still could not get the ticket dropped and instead wanted me to come in to the office and sign a paper to say I accept 2 points on my licence and a fine of $300. I refused to sign a paper acknowledging any wrongdoing for something I didn't do. This was about 3 months ago when I met with my lawyer and since then they have been very coy and seem frustrated at me for not taking their advice. I should also mention that this happened six months ago and the owner of the car that I supposedly hit and cause $1000 worth of damages too hasn't consulted their insurance company of it or contacted me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
l5JVI1r0cTy2bbrQMNPDVFIJyW4lhBOt | 9x83rw | {
"description": "not wanting my mom in my room during the only free time of my day",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting my mom in my room during the only free time of my day? | I just got home from a long day of school plus extra curricular activities and wanted to have some free time playing some video games and listening to music. My mom came into my room and just started laying on my bed. I kindly asked her to leave so I can relax and have some down time but, she wouldn't leave. When I finally got her to leave by forcefully asking her she yelled at me and said that I should never ask her to pick up/ do anything for me ever again. I wish I was kidding. Reddit am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
LDmifWQQdOcQnyrWpOKpHtWLd5hl3Vsv | ah1bfh | {
"description": "not getting a wheely chair for someone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not getting a wheely chair for someone? | One of my classes is in a computer lab. They have regular chairs and the same chairs, but they have little wheels on the bottom of them. Every time I come into class, I either get a chair with wheels or just a regular one. Most of the time, I swap out a regular one for one with wheels from a table that nobody uses since we’re always on the computers.
One day, I walked in and had a regular chair. The boy next to me had some wheelied chairs, and out of laziness to go to the tables, I swapped them. Whatever.
Then he comes into class, and he sees that there’s a regular chair. He was like “ughh I don’t wanna go get another chair,“ and I admitted that I swapped our chairs. Because he didn’t want to go get the wheelied one, he says that I should go get the chair for him. I said no, and that there was one at the tables waiting for him. He starts whining for me to go get one, and the girls who sit behind us say I need to go get the chair.
Now I’m confused on why they’re starting to get mad at me. They raise their voices a bit at me and tell me to go get the chair while the boy whines and demands for me to get it for him too. I cave in, and I just go get it for him.
AITA?
Note, i use the wheely chairs often, since I move around the room in the chairs so I can quickly turn to help the people around me since they ask for help often. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
TIdrtKbRJaci40WaeDa09aLbWtE3hqce | aa5pia | {
"description": "being angry at my friends for inviting someone I dislike to a trip",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being angry at my friends for inviting someone I dislike to a trip? | I recently invited a three of my good friends to go on a snowboarding trip last week. I told the three of them that to give me suggestions of people of who I should invite as well. Well they suggested a mutual friend, lets call him Sam, and that they all wanted to come along with us. We all, including Sam, frequently played video games together and hung out together occasionally. However, I disliked Sam because of reason such as him being obnoxious and often oblivious to his suroundings which caused him to be a pain to hang out with. Therefore, I told my friends that I did not want him to come because of the said reasons, which they agreed to. Well, as you can tell from the title, Sam shows up to the ski resort. Intially, I thought Sam showed up by himself but found out that my three friends invited him behind my back. I was initially angry but unwilling to ruin the trip when along with it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ySwHgxmiGT07BZj5IpuZ4MagsYjjkUDt | az7tw8 | {
"description": "being extremely introverted and turning some people off",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being extremely introverted and turning some people off? | I am quite a private person and introverted, I rarely show myself in public unless someone I really trust asks me to hang out with them.
​
I usually keep my trapper closed, but a few times a day I open up and let it all out because I am just pent up with stuff that no one wants to see or hear about.
​
I can't let it all out just willy nilly, I did that once on accident and most people around me were pretty horrified and upset with my openness in that situation.
​
I have to find a private place to let out the stuff I hold deep inside, once I'm done I feel a sense of relief but I have to spend a few minutes recovering, usually with tissues or a shower.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7khB5CR8CmtSDDtNhqq5eABwsrtks2Is | 9z8lju | {
"description": "not caring about my brother's toxic relationship",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not caring about my brother's toxic relationship? | It's been the topic of discussion in my family this whole year. My brother is in a relationship with this crazy girl and my brother is also psycho. So, you can guess that things get pretty intense. I lived with my brother for a chunk of time because I have a child and I can't wander the streets with a five year old. They're relationship is more than my family puts it out to be. My family, especially my dad and our uncle, think it's one sided and that his girlfriend is just the crazy one. But, I witnessed my brother destroy her tv, burn her clothes, accuse her of cheating if she even smiles while texting someone. I'm not saying my brother is the only psycho one because I've also witnessed her key his car, steal his money, pour gasoline on him. They are just both toxic with each other. I've kinda grown to not really care about it because it's never black and white. I got tired of it and I blew up on my entire family because they kept talking about them. I feel like I should care but I shouldn't at the same time. My family really went in on me after I told them that I don't care.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
DMoCFUvrBV7dARHKf7Bn1FsFpZtGmdpX | axmgb2 | {
"description": "buying seats at an event with the intentions of not using the seats",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA If I bought seats at an event with the intentions of NOT using the seats? | Apparently the bot doesnt like WWBTA (Would WE be the Assholes) so I had to create a new post...
​
So this last weekend a bunch of friends, my brother in law, and I went to LVMS (Las Vegas Motor Speedway) to watch the Nascar race. We all sit together and buy our tickets a year in advance. The seats are just aluminum benches (god how I wish they were stadium style fold down seating) that sit 15 people per row. We have 11 people in out group so there are 4 others in our row. The first two are season holders like us, and the next two are open for purchase. The last few years no one has ever purchased the two so we all got to enjoy plenty of room. Well, this year someone did and we were all packed. The guy didn’t buy annual tickets, they were just one day passes. So the odds of him renewing those exact seats are pretty slim. Regardless, The guy was just a jerk the whole time so while I was tailgating with my friends after the race, I brought up the idea of adding those two extra seats to our season packet as kids seats ($10 per seat per weekend as opposed to $235), you know, “we would like to bring the kids to a race *wink wink*”.
​
They all thought it was brilliant so I got right on it and I was able to add them to my packet for the 2020 races. The September tickets haven’t been released yet, they aren’t sold to anyone but they can’t be sold just yet.
​
But now I’m kinda wondering if we are assholes for buying seats at a discounted rate knowing we are just going to use them so we can all have some extra room? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
K5uM4h5KPbS3FkKJiLEJLMg2VlVkytk0 | ab9sif | {
"description": "not replacing a beer I accidentally kicked over",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not replacing a beer I accidentally kicked over? | I was at a concert on Saturday night, and while I was squeezing through the crowd, I accidentally kicked over a nearly full beer that someone had put on the floor in front of his feet. I turned around and apologized, and the guy immediately yelled "what the fuck, you bitch!" at me. I probably would have offered to replace it had he not yelled at me, but after that, I wasn't feeling it, so I just apologized again and walked away. My feelings are pretty much, it was his own fault for leaving it on the floor in front of him, not protected in between his feet, and yelling and swearing at me was a total overreaction on his part.
AITA for not buying him a new one anyway? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mwWYJWz0KnZsGLmTmttlemTRbyzrev1o | asje4w | {
"description": "playing a simple practical joke on my brother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for playing a simple practical joke on my brother? | My Brother and I live together, but he went away for the weekend, so I decided to play a joke on him. Over the course of the weekend I squirted global of conditioner all over his room, on the walls, the pillow, the sheets the light switch, you name it was globbed. I the proceeded to wipe up the mess so it was no longer visible to the eye. I then went out and purchased some ultraviolet bulbs and got my friend to wire them up in the place of his bedroom lights. I then foiled up all his windows to Make the room nice and dark. Then I waited.
When he got home Sunday evening, I made sure the house was nice and dark by disconnecting the hallway light bulb. And watched from the shadows as he walked to his room and flicked the switch.
Reaction was as planned, a what the moment quickly followed by a realisation of the nature of the joke. In case it's not clear yet,it was made to look like a vigorously ejaculated all over the place.
I laughed like an asshole, he told me to go **bleep** myself and proceeded to burn my belongings in the backyard.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
bdB2QSYADNpcZ3c7YEyf9jeI4Emv8nsD | b9s168 | {
"description": "not giving up my seat to a mom plus baby at starbucks",
"pronormative_score": 198,
"contranormative_score": 91
} | AITA for not giving up my seat To a mom plus baby at Starbucks? | So at this Starbucks they have small tables where two people can sit and a big central table area that has limited space.
I arrived at Starbucks, bought myself some coffee and sat down at the small individual table. I was working on my essay for school so I had my textbook, notes, computer all around. I had been there about an hour and was on my second coffee
A trashy looking woman with her newborn infant strapped to the front of her comes in and looks around. There was a seat available at the big communal table (but like I said, not much desk space for my computer, textbook etc)
The woman taps me on the shoulder (I had my earphones in) and asks me if I can move seats and she can take my seat. I tell her no, I came here first, I’m currently writing my paper, it would be a hassle to pick up everything and move and I need to write this essay. She then gets demanding, tells me I “need” to move because she has an infant. I start getting heated and tell her to back the fuck off and leave me alone. She looks shocked and goes to complain to the barista. Barista says there is nothing they can do because nobody can “make” another person move seats. She then storms out of Starbucks
I was still fuming by the time I got home but when I told my girlfriend, she said I was at fault. So let’s your thoughts Reddit | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 44,
"OTHER": 194,
"EVERYBODY": 47,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 198,
"WRONG": 91
} | RIGHT |
jLJ2AskSows9ElUGDXUbUaW6Daa0CAba | andmgb | {
"description": "ghosting my depressed friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for ghosting my depressed friend? | Title sounds bad, I know, but I’ll explain real soon.
Quick backstory first, I’ve known this girl since 2016, and I really consider her my best friend, but we got into some kind of fight right before New Year’s Eve. (Also I’ve only ever known her over the internet, but we’ve FaceTimed a few times)
She’s been depressed for the two years I’ve known her, and I’ve been having a few problems myself, but I’ve always been open to help her. Especially since she had been going though heartbreak, since the person she loved suddenly ghosted her, but before New Year’s Eve, she told me that she want to say something that might be very rude, and me being willing to always listen to her, I agreed that she could tell me anything.
She then told me that “I’ve been such a fucking bitch about (her ex?),” and that “she knows I’m sick about hearing about her”, (which is true but I’ve always tried to give support and advice anyway.) And that “that because of that, it’s why she goes to (over person) for help as well, “ and that she still “has a grudge from August” (I don’t remember what I did that month, sorry) “and my replies on get help when she talks about sex as if she’s a sex freak” (she always talks about how horny she is, which makes me uncomfortable but I only ever told her to get help with her anger issues) but she then told me she’s sorry and that she’s been kind of a cunt.
I then told her if she doesn’t want my help she should stop asking for it. She said she understood but I mean a lot to her and that she doesn’t wanna whine and complain all the time and that (other person) is okay with it but she’s worried about me.
I haven’t talked to her since then, because I’m not comfortable talking with her anymore, and now I just really need closure about am I the asshole? Or is she? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
wrEIGwRHtatYcsd4hFaWd2HXzfk3ayRU | ameg61 | {
"description": "not wanting to live with my dad anymore",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA If I don't want to live with my dad anymore? | Just a little context, I am a 16 year old girl. My parents have probably been split for a solid 4 years now and because of the constant arguing and me already having self esteem issues i blamed myself for the breakup. After the breakup my mom gained full custody of me and my at the time 15 brother (my brother isn't my dads son hes just my half brother) but my mom would make us stay over at his house for every single day aside from weekends. My dad was happy with it since he sees my brother as his son as well due to taking care of him since he was 2. Once she found a house we moved in with her and she had told us her fiance which my brother and I haven't known for very long before him moving in. Immediately there was problems such as him yelling at me and my brother for being lazy even though he was the one that never took care of the house due do his "breathing problems" even though he is still a very avid smoker. He also took the door knob off of my door and would regularly walk into my room without knocking, causing him to walk in on me changing multiple times without apologizing.
Skip forward to December of 2018, my brother turned 18 in January of 2018 and moved out so i was all alone in the house. My dad gains custody of me. It was one of the happiest times of my life. court date was on a Wednesday so my dad told me to stay the rest of the week and he will pick me up on Saturday. But as soon as my mom got home she tried to guilt me saying I don't love her yada yada yada.
All seemed fine at my dads, his girlfriend moved in prior to me staying there full time and she seemed like a nice person and so did her family. Boy was I wrong. September 2018 is when i started dating my boyfriend that I am still dating right now. My dad gave me a lot more freedom than my mom did so i tried to spend as much time with my boyfriend as I can and my dad seemed fine with it, i made sure that he met my boyfriend and his parents. But for the past i want to say 6 months my stepmom started to get on me. If i didn't put away a single dish that was in the sink I would get yelled at. If i didn't have breakfast with them on the weekends because i would eat something prior to them waking up, i'd get yelled at. It turned into a vicious cycle of her and I arguing her accusing me of stealing her stuff and her always insulting my mother and my boyfriend and my life decisions. I'll admit that I have a very bad attitude but she is more of a "I'm going to ruin her life in secret" person. Now my boyfriend dropped out of high school mid sophomore year but I know he is very smart and very much wants to go to college after getting his GED. He is working full time and has a truck and his license. He is a very hard worker and he worked for everything he has now, being born to a mother with very bad bipolar disorder and an injured navy veteran. Because of her strong judgments towards my boyfriend and his parents, she started to push it onto my dad. And my dad listens to her. I don't want to say my dad is a pushover but he sure as hell believes every little thing that woman shoves down her throat. It's gotten to the point where my dad will find any reason for me to not go over to my boyfriends house and even flat out said that he will not help me pay my college tuition if i move out of the house when i turn 18 knowing if me and my bf are still together by then, that is my exact plan.
Where I live the legal age of working is 16 and i turned 16 in October. I was job hunting and i still am trying my best to find a job so I am able to be financially independent as soon as i'm 18. Now it's February 2019 and I have still yet to find a job although i do have an interview next week. My dad is forcing me to apply for different jobs, not acknowledging that most places don't want to hire people that are still in school especially not a 16 year old. But he says I'm grounded until I find one. My self esteem and my motivation have lowered and it has gotten to the point where I don't think I want to live here anymore but I also wouldn't want to go back to my mother. AITA for possibly blowing things out of proportion? Am i just over reacting? | HISTORICAL | {
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2yZ4KJ6mdb2XqvS6a0wwteuMiAl58t5U | b0x452 | {
"description": "not providing more to the home",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not providing more to the home? | So i go to college and live with my bf. My father sends me some money and I had a savings account for what goes beyond budget. My bf insists i work because we would be able to live a better lifestyle, which includes his 2 daughters and tons of movies at the mall with McDonald's and wasting food at all our meals. Now, im extremely frugal and i feel that if he wants to give his children the things they want, it's up to him, my share of house bills shouldn't have to go up so he can afford all his kids "demand" (as in demanding 2 extras activities plus language institute plus going to all that in uber).
I did recently buy him a car (it's mine but I don't drive) to optimize time and make the kids less annoyed when we go out but from that to working every day is a huge leap I'm not willing to take while in medical school which requires tons of reading ours and thousands and thousands of practical classes. AITA? (please up vote if you read it all) | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 22,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
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} | RIGHT |
eQl2rDVx1kGS9FAttHIqtaN9sq4czeej | axl7en | {
"description": "shaving my head bald as a form of attention seeking",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | WIBTA if I shaved my head bald as a form of attention seeking? | I have a habit of telling my boyfriend I'm going to shave my head bald as a joking response to mean that I can do whatever I want to and he can't stop me.
Eg.
Me: I think I'd look nice with purple hair.
Bf: Your hair looks great now too :)
Me: I WILL SHAVE ALL MY HAIR OFF
I say it mostly as a joke but also with the intention of gauging his reaction to it as shaving all my hair off doesn't seem impossible for me to do seeing as how I've cut off my long hair on impulse into a pixie cut (before I met him) as I find it cathartic :-)
He was always mildly irritated. Today he kinda snapped and told me he saw a story online about how a man left his fiancée because she cut off all her hair the day before the wedding without telling him first. I was like WTF WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE MAN and started to get pissed at my boyfriend for not agreeing that that man was ridiculous. My stand was that it's OUR hair, we can do anything we want with it without permission. What's more, it's just hair!! It can grow back……
My bf's argument is:
1. Most people like to "show off" their SOs (would feel proud if their friends think their SO is great).
2. The fact that she's doing it for attention i.e. would you still marry me if I'm bald, is disgusting
He also sheepishly mentioned that looks are definitely not everything but to him (at least), having hair really is a important part of someone's image. I realise SOs are not meant to be shown off but…… like I'm guilty of thinking that way too.
I just thought it was interesting how my first thought was WHAT A MAJOR ASSHOLE the groom is but after hearing my bf's POV I'm starting to think the bride might be a little assholey/childish? I still don't feel like I have the need to inform anyone of my decision to do anything to my hair before doing it though…? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
Qx6apI2mbHxy6114gu1V4tNz70KCABJJ | b6ej7k | {
"description": "telling my friend he should put more effort in his appearance",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for telling my friend he should put more effort in his appearance | My(25) best friend(24) and I are very honest with each other and talk about everything. I’ve always kinda wondered why he dresses the way he does but never really said anything outside of occasionally making jokes which we’ll both laugh at. Well tonight I brought it up and what started out as a lighthearted conversation turned into us arguing.
It started with us checking on our lives a bit. Happiness. Stuff like that. We’ve both been struggling with feelings of depression and so when we meet we’ll check on each other’s mental health sometimes. Told him it's the little happy things we do for ourselves that count. Well I used that as a way to ask about his appearance and like usual he rolled his eyes and smiled cause we’ve done this before. I said the whole “when you look good, you feel good” thing and he said “I just don’t care how I look.” This is where things got heated.
I should describe his typical attire for context. I would describe his appearance as that of a middle schooler from the early 00s. Hair that’s long and in his face all the time, some sort of graphic tee with a pop culture thing, baggy jeans and sketchers shoes. This is what I always see him in no matter the occasion. It’s not bad. Like he doesn’t look homeless, he just doesn’t put in effort past the bare minimum.
Anyway, after his remark I told him that it’s not okay to not care about how you look and that he’s 24 and needs to put more effort into his appearance. Well things snowballed from there. It only got worse. I tried to convey to him that his appearance affects other people’s perception of him and how it can actively work against him by putting himself at a disadvantage. Also that it’s about being the best him he can be. He went on about how it’s not important to him and that he doesn’t think about those things and doesn’t really care what people think. Thinks it’s all superficial and shallow. I admitted to him that it is but that’s just unfortunately how people are. We yelled at each other some more. He yelled at me saying “I don’t know why you care so much about something that doesn’t matter.” I told him it’s that I just can’t fathom why someone wouldn’t want to work on something that is entirely in their control that affects how others see them. I tried to get him to see how it can affect his love life or job opportunities. No dice. He said it’s what’s on the inside that counts. I agreed and told him that no one will give you the time of day to see what’s on the inside.
We finally cooled down a bit after a long time of arguing. We kind of reached some resolution. I made sure to enforce that I was coming from a place of love and that I just wanted him to be happy with himself. But we ended the night on not a positive note. I drove him home and we didn’t say a word to each other. I legitimately feel his lack of caring about his appearance is hurting him. But I think I went about it in an asshole way. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
1sQtuexLkayRA9dkXB9dCLoun6Xkwvdv | b3f8zf | {
"description": "wanting the money I was promised",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting the money i was promised. | Background:
(First time posting in sub)
So my dad does handyman work on weekends and sometimes asks if i want to help and he pays me for the work. This job he said i'd get 250 and i instantly agreed because I wanted DMC 5 and division 2 but i have $1.70 in my bank account.
​
So now we have the job done and he gets paid tomorrow. that's when he sends me the money. He said I'm gonna be getting $180 and i gave him a really confused look and mentioned the $250 he promised. He tells me that's before he hired 2 people to move some wood from the back yard of the house we we're working on and cut it up and dump it. He hired these people without even asking me if i wanted to do it and is trying to take it out of my pay because he didn't want to do it himself ( he had 2 saws there, both electric, that he or I could easily do it with and the truck to hull it with.)
​
When I called him on it he said "fine I'll pay you what i said i would but I'll remember this next time you work with me." we eventually agreed i'd pay for half the materials but not the people he hired. But all day he's been acting pouty towards me.
​
So reddit, Am I the Asshole?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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wTvbRRekAlZBMce0wtUok0ETa9gQCAZz | a3unkb | {
"description": "charging my adult son rent",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for charging my adult son rent? | I have a 23 year old son who has been evicted from two apartments because he didn't feel like paying the rent any more. Now he lives with me and I told him he has to pay $300 a month for rent, including utilities, internet and food. He refuses to do any basic roommate style chores (dishes M W F, I take them T Th Sat & Sun, wont change the trash). He claims he can't afford the rent but can go out and buy a car, decide he doesn't like it and buys a truck. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
MgJNsnAmDibob8SQp8jZL1JYxD0xlKh5 | acdvvj | {
"description": "stepping down as matron of honour in a friends wedding",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for stepping down as matron of honour in a friends wedding....? | Need some honest opinions & possibly a reality check if I’m wrong from this glorious community.....
Good friend of mine is getting married & I have been asked to be a bridesmaid. My husband has also been asked to be the best man & my family has been invited to the wedding.
While we were out shopping for the brides wedding dress she happened to mention that she is not having kids at the wedding at all.
Previous to this, because my husband & I were both asked to be in the wedding party she told us both that our son would be an exception to that rule.
The bride stressed how much it would mean to her if my family could be there as well & she very well knows that anyone & everyone who would normally watch our kid would be at the wedding.
As a side note: we are NC with my outlaws & they will never ever get alone time with our son so having them babysit while we go to the wedding is completely out of the question. The bride & groom are both privy to all the details of the blow up with my outlaws & are fully aware of the entire situation.
I didn’t say anything at the time because she had already expressed that we were an exception to that rule. A few days went by & My husband & I both got a text message asking us who would be babysitting our kid?
I had filled my husband in on what had happened when we were dress shopping & he said he had an uneasy feeling about it & the comment was a ‘hint’.
So my husband texted back saying that our son would be with Bellarina’s parents as previously discussed, due to the bride wanting my family there. She then informed us that, that is not fair on my parents & how could they possibly have a good time....?
We asked the bride if we could sit down with her & discuss this & go over what she originally told us & she refused & said she had changed her mind.
My husband then said well Bellarina’s parents have offered to stay home with the kid. To which she declined & said that was unacceptable “they had to be there”. My husband then said well Bellarina & I will forfeit our places in your bridal party & stay home with our kid.
She flew off the handle & told us we had to get over the fact the outlaws had done severe wrong by us & we needed to apologise to them & make up, so they could watch our kid for us so we could all be in / go to her wedding.
Hubby pointed out she was not willing to compromise on what she had previously stated we could do, knowing full well that we have no one else to watch our kid. He said if she was now committed to her mind change {which we fully respect & understand} we would bow out now before planning & purchasing for the wedding got too far along.
[Please note at this point, our attire & other bits & pieces for the wedding had not been purchased at this time (thank gawd) if they had we would have graciously paid for them & moved on.]
The bride wasn’t having it & demanded we all be there as usual but we had to do something with “the kid”. Hubby took screen shots of this whole convo & texted it to the groom who was horrified & said he was not aware this was going on.
Hubby explained yet again the kid either got to come or my parents or us would not be in attendance at the wedding. The groom completely understood & then proceeded to contact his wife to find out what the fuck had gotten into her.
Apparently she didn’t want our son showing up her niece & nephew.... by having our son there would take attention away from her niece & nephew. Hubby & I were like WTAF....???? No one at the wedding knows our kid & my parents would make sure no one noticed him at all. He’s a fantastically awesome well behaved kid unlike the niece & nephew.
Anywhooo..... the bride kicked up a real stink with her husband so her husband let her know that hubby & I would not be in the bridal party & would not be in attendance to the wedding because of her change of mind. (The groom is an awesome bloke & loves my hubby to bits & fully respects us & our kid, also knowing full well my in-laws are assholes who cannot be trusted).
The groom said to us he was going to call his wife’s bluff & put her thru hell for doing this to us.
So as of now hubby & I are not in the wedding party & will not be attending the wedding.
Are we the assholes???? | HISTORICAL | {
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nV9bdHachn8j5vL0W6ls9WHH6TvJtimh | b8q37l | {
"description": "thinking my mom shouldn't get any of my dad's inheritance",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for thinking my mom shouldn't get any of my dad's inheritance? | My dad has been married to my mom for more than 15 years. My dad used to always say that my mom was the happy and social half to his more quiet and reserved personality. Additionally, he's worked 27 years of his live to support the marriage and is currently retired at 59. Since I'm 16, I have trouble remembering exactly how far this goes back, but I remember that at least over the last 4 years my mom has been abusive. We think that she's developed some form of bipolar disorder but we can't be sure because she refuses to get herself assessed. She's been in denial over the state of my parents' marriage, called my dad a drunk loser and harassed him when he was struggling with his alcohol addiction, falsely accused him many times of having an affair with absolutely no substantial reason to believe so, and refuses to accept that she's wrong (one time yelling at us because we disagreed with her about Jell-O being healthy). Moreover, she's said that hitting her kids makes her "feel like she's doing her motherly duty" and one time pushed my dad to the floor (when he was 58). I feel like for the majority of my life my dad has been the only one I can turn to because he can understand me and my brother and manages to be rational. My dad has been nothing but a selfless giver to my family, and my mom still complains about what he provides and calls him manipulative. One night when I was with my dad, he confessed to me that the only reason he hasn't divorced my mother is because he can't afford to pay the alimony and he needs to have money for sending me and my brother to college. He cried and told me this while my mother was slamming her fist against the door and saying to "not listen to him because he's manipulating you." He continued by saying that when he dies, he's going to try to find a way to split as much money as he can between me and my brother and attempt to leave nothing behind for my mother. This is where personally I think my situation is morally questionable. I'm comfortable saying that I don't love my mom and I also believe that she isn't *entitled* to any of the money and I don't want to forgive her, but my moral values also conflict and make me think "well we should at least leave her something."
What should I do?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
ERDiFHrHArx1DMJWgnYj7pcLS3cTt7zk | ahkl2o | {
"description": "eating my damn noodles",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for eating my damn noodles? | I had a psychiatrist appointment in san jose and cyrus/aia wanted to go to a dollar store to shop. I suggested that they should come with me because the 99 had way better produce and we could get some pho or something. Cyrus was adamant about getting in n out. Aia and I agreed on noodles. I had no objections to doing both. Before my appointment I had to mess with my printer to get it to work so we leave a little late and I apologize to aia because we couldn't drop her resume off somewhere she wanted to work. On the way, Aia discovers she can't do her reading on the 17 northbound because of all of the movement. She tells me the reading is due at 7. My psych appointment takes an hour as predicted and ended up being extremely emotionally taxing. (I did tell them 30 minutes to an hour before we left) Cyrus and Aia apparently go to in n out during such. When they come back with my car 15 minutes after my appointment ended, Aia tells me she left room for noodles. So I figure, yeah let's go get noodles. I drive us to a pho place 15 minutes away and when we get there, cyrus says we should leave. Aia complains that it's expensive and that I said pho is $6 to $8.(I'm from LA) It was really $10 to $11 and that turns out to be average for San Jose. Therefore, she is not eating. Cyrus offers to pay for her meal but she refuses. At this point, I'm hungry and have a massive headache so I decide to eat. Cyrus asks me if I can take it to go and I say no because rice noodles go bad pretty fast. Im pretty disappointed that im eating alone here but I eat as fast as possible without throwing up so we can go. It was a pretty big bowl so it took like half an hour. We go to the 99 15 minutes away to do our grocery shopping and we head back home to santa cruz. On the way back, we encounter a ton of traffic and I apologize to Aia again. From here, Cyrus starts exploding at me saying that I asked them to come with me and that we never made plans to get noodles. He says I'm a dick for eating the noodles when no one else was eating and when he said I should take it to go/we should leave that should have been my cue to just not eat and that it essentially translates to we dont have time for this. Eventually I stop listening because I have a huge problem with people yelling in general and they both know this. I tell them that if we didn't have time, they should tell me there isn't time instead of just saying we should leave because I cant read their minds. (Make your needs be known/be direct) They just claim that I'm flipping it on them and that I'm saying they should have done more. Unbeknownst to me, Aia just wasnt doing her homework and absolutely needed to be at home to read something on her phone that was in her pocket. I was going to apologize to Aia about this whole thing, but something about being yelled at and insulted for an hour by her boyfriend made me not want to. At this point, my medication wears off and I just start putting minimal effort into the conversation by just making snarky semantic arguments to push him off more. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
F4Y7zHPWacN5z1OZxZ6CsNWVLQhoVSjo | a8kz3i | {
"description": "not coming home immediately for winter break",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not coming home immediately for winter break? | I’m a college senior and our break between semesters just started. This had been a particularly rough semester for me so I opted to stay around campus for a few days after my last final was over. I told my family I would be home before the holidays, but didn’t say a specific date. My family took offense to this, but I tried to explain I just needed time to myself. All my roommates had left so I had peace and quiet which I had desperately needed. My dad was not a fan of this at all. Anytime I talked to him he said I needed to come home and that I couldn’t still be near campus for any good reason. I love my dad and understand he just wants me home, but when I am home he just works. I don’t see him at all. I’m not exaggerating when I say he works every single day for 12+ hours. I asked him if he would take a day off to catch up and spend time together but he told me he had no plans to do so until Christmas. Disappointed but understanding I accept I probably won’t see him until Christmas or Christmas Eve.
When home my parents often revert to treating me like I’m a kid again and I don’t appreciate it. I manage with it since I do stay in their houses when I come home, so I should respect their rules. But my goal was to just unwind in an environment where I didn’t have to think about other people. I don’t feel bad about needing time to myself but want to check I’m not being rude to my family by doing so.
I’ll be home today but I don’t think it was unreasonable for me to not rush home. My mom also works a lot & my sister is busy with her kids. Their lives don’t stop when I come home and I end spending much of my time at home alone anyways. I’d rather be alone where I full reign over myself. Where can drink a glass of wine without being lectured about it or go out with friends without being constantly called and texted about my whereabouts.
So am I the asshole here?
(Just to clarify, I know bills need to be paid! I’m not mad that he works but my dad is a workaholic. Has been since I was a kid. Will go months to a year without taking a day off. It put a lot of strain on his marriage with my mom and eventually contributed to their divorce) | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ECmQ7E6rliMwber3Eyy9l2IOXmytUvuK | b65aku | {
"description": "charging to take pictures for some people",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for charging to take pictures for some people? | So here’s the background. I’m not a professional photographer by any means. I’m learning how to do it on my own. I have a cousin that wants to be a model and frequently asks me to take photos with her, and it’s generally a fun experience and it’s no issue. We both get something out of it, so no one charges anyone.
In comes my problem: I decided to maybe start branching out. I don’t have a job, so these shoots would be even more exciting if I knew I was getting a little money in my pocket. I’m still learning how to do it, though, and didn’t feel right charging people for pictures that may still be subpar. I also would have to get a business license if it goes too far.
So I scheduled to take pictures of C1 (Cousin 1, the model cousin) this week and C2 (a cousin on the other side of the family) this weekend. C1 has made sure multiple times that I’m involved in the collaboration (we take artsy pictures sue us) and has even said she won’t do the pictures if I’m not excited too. C2 is different. So far this is feeling a lot like work and an actual shoot. She’s decided to bring other people in on the shoot, which is honestly fine? But it’s people I’ve never met and I have really bad social anxiety so it just makes it even less fun. She even asked if I could drive to another city to take the pictures, which was quickly declined because I don’t have anything to reimburse my gas money.
I realize I can’t charge her now, but I was considering charging people (even family) from now on if both shoots turn out good. This experience has made me really hate doing all this work and still not having any money. The problem is, she has multiple siblings who want pictures too, but I’d be charging them if I enacted my new rule. I wouldn’t be charging C1 as we do artsy collaborations and her family consistently does things for me anyway so it wouldn’t feel right to charge her.
So my question is, if I cut off free photo shoots after C2 and only gave free shoots to C1 doing pictures I enjoy, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
ikjzJVTcjYaptriQyP0tjurpBwjJNwJN | awnnnd | {
"description": "having a crush on a friend's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for having a crush on a friend's girlfriend? | So, basically, I've been really close to this person, let's call them J, for years, and I thought we were all good until *she* came along. The emphasis isn't to be accusatory, but rather reverent. *She* is incredible. Smoking hot, funny, total package. The thing is, I'm afraid I'm starting to let it affect our friendship. I know, rationally, they aren't trying to exclude me or make me feel like a third wheel, but when they start doing their couple-y, cutesy thing when we're out with friends it just...idk, it makes my skin crawl and I feel almost dirty for having seen it. Like it's something I wish they'd keep private, you know. It's even worse if they kiss because part of me can't help resenting my friend for sleeping with their own gf.
One of our other friends commented the other day that I seem to have gotten more outgoing. Which I guess is true enough because whenever I'm around *her* I feel like I have to be "on" all the time. "Look at me! I'm funny! I'm cool! I'm even pretty good-looking so why haven't you noticed me?"
TL;DR: AITA for wanting J's girl? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
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"NOBODY": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
ujeGZKALcI5qjV9MP2rVjXKKxsVLE9Kr | a4jrd1 | {
"description": "giving a dog to a stranger",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving a dog to a stranger(s)? | I was working in a grocery store around 7pm when me and a coworker find a teacup poodle wondering around our department. The dog was shaking, it was around 40-45 degrees out, also very dirty and had twigs caught in it's fur. It was alone and apparently came into the store last week but was shooed away. A couple said they know who it belongs to but refused to take it saying"just put it back out on the street, we don't want it smelling our car", it had no collar. We called animal control and the answer machine said they don't work weekends. Me and my coworker by order of our manager we're to walk around the corner of the store and leave it. Bare in mind coyotes live in our neighborhood I was afraid they might get it. Just before letting it go a family (mother, father and two small children) asked about the situation, they offered to take the dog in for the night as they were also worried, the father said he would take it to get looked for a chip in the morning and they went on there way with the dog. I was later berated by a woman that said that I shouldn't have given the dog to strangers and that it probably belong to somebody, she said they probably knew that the dog was worth a lot of money and would just end up keeping it. So AITA for giving the dog to people I don't know? Did I do the wrong thing? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iHIZLQS8Azr2hCtOA9kstrD0sNns1laL | ay7opg | {
"description": "cutting my mother out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting my mother out of my life? | Using a throwaway account for obvious reasons.
​
A little backstory, I'm 14, my mother and my dad got married in 2002. For a while it was OK between them. After I was born it got a little worse my mom started throwing fits because I was getting more attention than her. Eventually (according to my dad) she would starts fights so she could leave. She would leave for weeks at a time and then one day just show back up for a few days and she would start another fight. Sometime in 2006 she cheated on my dad and had a baby. The baby was taken because when it was born it was having withdraws from something so they tested the baby (and my mom) both of them had meth in their system so my dad got his name off of the birth certificate and adopted the baby out of the family. The fights kept happening and my mom kept leaving for weeks at a time. About a year and a half later my mom cheated AGAIN with a different person who we will call G and low and behold she got pregnant. My dad said enough was enough and filed for divorce. The divorce happened and my little (half) brother who we will call B was brought into the world (and my mom stole my dads cat). Everything was fine for a while. Until my moms boyfriend (G) moved in with her. He was abusive as hell he would hurt B and I, my mom. G's friends eventually started making death threats towards me and B. My mom started picking up G's habits and would hit me and B (like a lot). So I begged my dad to keep me home. This went on for about a year until my mom decided that she wanted a new life and moved to a different state. I went and saw her the Christmas of that year. After that Me nor my dad heard anything from her. Not for FOUR years. Then one Christmas there's a gift card with a lot of money on it and a big letter of "how she thinks about me everyday" and "how we need to rebuild our relationship". I called her we talked for two weeks and shes silent again for about a year suddenly shes in town and demands that I see her. We went swimming at a hotel, and had food. Another 2 years of silence and boom another big gift card and another letter. I decided that I didn't want to talk to her because of all iv'e heard. Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I find that shes cyber stalking me. I blocked her.
So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fdprqz718yPoSMGzFrnzKN3h7PKDKn5g | atmgc7 | {
"description": "scaring my little brother who's gotten into drugs",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for scaring my little brother who’s gotten into drugs? | My brother [14] is a wild boy, my mother [38] can’t control him because of her jobs. She works 3 jobs, which doesn’t leave a lot of time to be at home. My father passed away 5 years ago, which put a lot of economic strain on all of us.
I caught my brother coming home obviously high on many occasions, I’m not sure what the specific drugs he is using, but I have seen some in his room on his desk. It bothers me a lot so I decided to sneak onto his phone when he was asleep, search keywords on the iMessage search bar like “drugs,” “weed,” and “buy.”
I found this guy who doesn’t say much but says just amounts of money, so I figured this was his dealer, I deleted the convo and changed my contact name to the dealers one.
A few days later I got the text asking to purchase a “dub” I told him yes and found out a dub was a gram amount or something. I had no idea what he was gonna buy but I played along and told him to meet me at a nearby address.
I waited there for him and when he got there he immediately froze. I asked him what he was doing here and he lied saying he was going to meet up with John, (a close friend of ours) I told him I knew he was coming here for drugs.
He was very upset, saying he doesn’t understand the stress he is under. I replied with I know you’re under stress but drugs aren’t a healthy solution to your problems.
We talked more and eventually I convinced him to let me take him home. We drove back in silence, he explained that he wanted to try to get help. So I scheduled a doctors appointment for him to see if we can get a therapist. I don’t know how much that’ll cost but I’m starting a job soon so that I can afford it.
Overall I feel it was a good ending but me going through his phone was a violation of his privacy. I don’t know if “the ends justify the means,” but I don’t feel bad for going through his phone, just wanted to know if I’m in the wrong so I can apologize.
So, am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AqH7Bxm1VG04L2eaC415iweyLLN5A2wg | av4y2q | {
"description": "not taking time for my friend during a Time of Loss",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I Don't Take Time for My Friend During a Time of Loss | Background: I have a really good friend, almost like a younger sibling to me. They have recently had an extremely close relative die, and are struggling quite a bit with it. Think nuclear family member. I'd like to keep the exact relation vague, but will provide it if needed. I live across the country from them (US) and I know I'm about all the support system they have. Parents are jerks, SO is pretty self-centered, and not a lot of close friends.
It should be blatantly obvious that I should make myself available for calls and such for a while, and help them out.
However, this friend calls me about every bit of drama they have. SO issues, family issues, work issues, mental health issues... you get the picture. Meanwhile, I feel like the support goes one way sometimes. I have been able to share some of my problems with this friend, but I have to ask for the time focused on me, whereas it feels like they just assume I am available to lend an ear at any given time.
I have a lot going on personally right now, and am honestly exhausted emotionally. I also know that this particular case is not just drama for my friend, but a genuinely horrible experience. I've lost someone of this particular relation myself, and I know not having a support system is horrible. But I just mentally and emotionally don't have the energy to deal with their pain right now.
Would I being a self-centered asshole if I don't make myself available much when my friend needs me right now? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
aor64xVAVtDqazJCHfXxmZtx1JRE130W | aoktol | {
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to watch a baby for the entire weekend almost every weekend for free",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to watch a baby for the entire weekend almost every weekend for free? | Long story short my girlfriend knew someone back in high school that was in a really bad spot due to drugs and things of that nature. That friend has since had 2 kids and has another one on the way and knows absolutely nothing about taking care of kids. She’s basically homeless and does not take proper care of her kids at all.
My girlfriend has loved kids and wanted a baby for as long as she’s been able to walk. I admire that part about her very much. She fell in love with one of them and that baby just turned 1 year old. My girlfriend insists on taking her every weekend she has off work for most of the weekend. The mother is all too willing to not have to take care of one of her kids so that’s never a problem.
I have a few issues with this. we live in a pretty small 1 bedroom apartment and have a dog as well. When she has the baby we have our dog locked up all day and night because she’s concerned about the baby. The apartment also gets absolutely trashed over the time that the baby is with us. She always says that she will clean it afterwords and she does most of the time but I can’t stand our home being a mess for that long. And tbh it’s just crowed with all of the babies stuff. She also spends a lot of money on the baby on new clothes, food, diapers, equipment like bottles or high chairs.
She gets so much joy out of babysitting that when I object in any way she reacts like I’m destroying everything that makes her happy and that I want nothing more than for her to be miserable. I don’t have any problem with her babysitting for a day or something along the lines of that but 3 days straight seems excessive to me.
__TL;DR__ AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to watch a baby all weekend in our small apartment even though it’s what she lives for?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IKAJ7ZXKRWvyVM7XRG3xsgOqE8zg96iI | azowfi | {
"description": "being upset at my dad",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being upset at my dad | I’m 15 male living with my dad and self. We usually get along okay but we can have pretty bad arguments from time to time and it can get out of hand. He called me down to go do the dishes I voiced my reluctance but went down anyways he tells me to make sure to clean the dishes before I put them in start running the hot water to clean the pots and pans. I start loading the forks and knives and he yells at me asking why I’m not running the hot water. I say I’m putting the utensils in first and if he wants to do it his way he can do it himself. 5-10 minutes in he walks in and notices I put in a plate withought cleaning it at all and freaks out saying I did it on purpose to go against him proceeds to take it out and throws aggressively into the sink breaking it. Mind you I put it in dirty completely on accident. So were arguing over how I’m not doing it the right way and I say you can do it then if you want to do it your way and walk out. I’m wondering if I’m the asshole here by not listening to what he said or if he is by overreacting and making assumptions. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
Gz7tUlWNR263FQLuEzFGt3I8ZTTutDPW | 9x6xw8 | {
"description": "thinking of a new relationship before the old one has ended",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking of a new relationship before the old one has ended? | I HATE being alone. I had a different childhood, and my mom has openly admitted that she didn't love me like my siblings. More has happened, but that's enough to say.
When I was 38, I met and fell in love with a guy - a heroin addict. I stood by him through jail and rehab, over doses, and a suicide where the paramedics brought him back.
Last year, I decided to get clean. I left him, but could not handle withdrawal and a break up at the same time. I went back, and he promised to get clean with me.
In December, I was hospitalized. I spent two months in and out of ICU. I almost lost my arms. He decided to relapse.
I've struggled, but stayed clean. I've done everything that I can think of to get him clean. In August, I told him to choose me or the drugs. He said that he chose me, but no.
He's managed to steal thousands from me, and is on a payment plan to pay me back. I'm using this money to better myself, by getting my license back and a car.
However, if I break up with him, I will not get paid back. I need that money.
I don't want to be alone. I'm thinking about getting on a dating site. Although I still love this man, I'm triggered as hell tonight, knowing that he's shooting up. I just want to meet someone (male) to talk to. Someone to distract me | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
shvgwlZg3VGziTi1zAE9vPGUlLlhmfyZ | b48gmz | {
"description": "being just trying to be supportive",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Im just trying to be supportive. | Okay. This is for my cousin who doesn't have an account.
"My boyfriend's grandmother died. I tried to comfort him and asked him to talk to me about this. He started flipping out saying 'what the f*ck do you want me to say?! I just lost my f*cking grandmother!" Then started to ignore me. He left all of my messages on read. I got upset with him, and when he finally responded to me I told him that I was upset. He told me to suck it up. It's been two days and hes still being rude. "
Is my cousin the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UUBfOSvMsMmCCYOfhujXOts83XEeeQvV | ahr7nb | {
"description": "cutting ties with my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for cutting ties with my grandmother? | I have two surviving grandparents, both on my dad's side. They're in their late 70s. I haven't been on speaking terms with my grandfather for years, but I stayed on speaking terms with my grandmother until very recently. The key context to understand is that my grandfather has a long history of abusive behaviour towards the rest of the family and eventually - after far too many second chances - my parents, me, and my sister have all cut ties and told him not to visit us.
My grandmother isn't like him. In fact, in all fairness, she's always a polite enough person to talk to, she's a nice enough person to fundraise for charity regularly (ironically, for an anti-child abuse charity), and I actually have a few nice childhood memories of my own with her. The thing is though, I resent that she's supported my grandfather through all his abuse towards the rest of the family and I resent her obsession with keeping up appearances. I see her as his enabler and I don't think she's ever going to change.
My dad agrees with me about all of her faults but he still takes the high road and keeps up a relationship with her because she's his mum, because she's not the actual abuser, because he thinks she's had her standards for acceptable behaviour warped by 50+ years of living with my grandfather and because he doesn't think she would cope well if he stopped speaking to her. My dad's probably right about every one of those points, including the last one.
Unlike my dad, I'm at the point now where when she's tried to call/text I've decided not to answer, and I passed on the chance to see her the last few times I've been in the area. I haven't explicitly told her I don't want anything to do with her yet because calling/texting just to say that seems unnecessarily dramatic, but obviously I'm bound to run into her eventually and that is pretty much how I feel. To be honest though, it wouldn't be that stressful/traumatic for me to go back to occasionally replying to her texts and making small talk/ignoring the elephant in the room when I run into her every 4 months or so (I don't live in the area any more so the only time I might run into her is when I visit my parents), it'd just feel fake and awkward to me.
Since I can cope either way, I'm second guessing if it would be better to maintain some token contact with her because I'm sure hearing what I really think will have my grandmother in tears, and because me being honest might make it harder for my dad who's trying to maintain a relationship with her (To be absolutely clear, I'm under no pressure from my dad on this, he knows his parents are messed up and he's encouraged me to handle it in whatever way's best for me).
**Hence my question, would I be the asshole if next time I see her I go with my instinct and tell her she's out of second chances with me and she should stop trying to call/text me?**
**For context, here's a recap of our family drama and her part in it:**
* She stood by for my grandfather's physical and verbal abuse towards my Dad and Uncle in their childhoods (I didn't learn this until after most of the below).
* She stood by/never said a word throughout several incidents of my grandfather yelling abuse and foul language at me in my teenage years, including in front of my little sister.
* When I was 19, I stood up for myself, and my grandfather hit me and burst my lip. My grandmother pulled a head in the sand routine, didn't get in touch to ask if I was okay and stopped visiting (back then I was used to seeing her every day). My grandfather eventually made what seemed like a genuine apology and - to my regret - I accepted it. After that, she reappeared again and tried to act as though nothing had ever happened. When I confronted her about that behaviour, she apologised and promised never to do it again.
* A year later my grandfather takes issue with my mum telling him to keep his dog on a leash when he visits, waits until she's alone and starts screaming in her face that she doesn't know anything and was a nobody before she married into his family. We react by telling my grandfather he's out of second chances, and to stay away from us. My grandmother reacted by pulling the exact same head in the sand routine for months. Even years later, she's never accepted my mum's version of events and spent the next few months saying she couldn't cope, and we should forgive him without an apology because he's family.
* A few months later, my grandfather had a stroke and it wasn't clear how long he had left so my dad - to his regret - decided to patch things up after all. A couple of months after that, my grandfather's fully fit and involved in our lives again. He starts a shouting match and calls my dad a failure for downsizing the family business (my dad was about to undergo surgery for the second time in 2 years). When my dad finally draws the line and tells him no more second chances he drives away threatening to spread rumours about my parents in the local community to damage my parent's business. My grandmother was there and said nothing.
* Over the next few months, we gradually find out my grandfather's told the local community (extended family, neighbours, almost everyone my parents do business with) a series of lies, including that my 'ungrateful' parents cut ties with him and a completely false story where I hit him and he had to defend himself. We learned from extended family that my grandmother had been there whilst my grandfather was telling those lies to them. My grandmother denies it and denies that her husband would even do that, but I don't believe her. She's also tried to tell us we shouldn't have told people outside the family about my grandfather hitting me.
* She told me and my then 17 year old sister she was contemplating suicide to pressure us into forgiving him for her sake. Maybe she genuinely was and at the time I reacted with a lot of sympathy, even though I refused to do what she was asking. Looking back though, I think it was wrong to put that on her grandchildren rather than blame her husband or discuss her problems with her friends and adult children.
* It's been a few years since all of the above, my parents, my sister and I eventually reached out to my grandmother and told her we'd like to have a relationship with her but not her husband. We kind of made it work and got to a place where she would visit us for half an hour or so every other Sunday and avoid talking about my grandfather. Even after everything though, she clearly doesn't respect our decision to cut ties with her husband and she's asked us three or four times if we'll 'stop being awkward' and give him another chance 'because he's family'.
* In October last year she brought my grandfather to the family home for the first time in years on the day before my sister was leaving for university, claiming he's still her grandfather and entitled to be there for big family moments and get a picture with her. My sister - the only one who was home - refused and asked them to leave, but it still really upset her. That was the last straw for me and I haven't spoken to my grandmother since.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BjjzVY6pRtJ54RiFujqkAg9c6qL2YzVr | b29ny4 | {
"description": "doing my laundry",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for doing my laundry? | I was walking to our apartment laundry mat to get our clothes in the wash and when I walked in there were these two ladies (friends) with two basket, one backpack and a SUITCASE full of clothes trying to sort their stuff to put in the available washers. Looking around there were 5 washers still available. So yes, I took one. I only needed one and I already had my stuff ready to go. They gave me a look of shock and said well I guess we only have four now. I just started my load and walked out. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0j6JdAKI2BPOKHh31NxjAYEOEvfwoLvt | aywbd2 | {
"description": "not taking back my fiancée after I tried very hard for very long, and not saying it's because she slept with other guys while we were separated",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not taking back my fiancée after I tried very hard for very long, and not saying it's because she slept with other guys while we were separated? | My fiancée believes I cheated on her. I did not, but she has big reasons to believe so. She caught me red-handed literally, it's just someone plunged my hand in their blood while I was asleep and unaware, and she doesn't believe that part. So, she believes I cheated on her and it is hard to blame her for believing so, as if she believed me she would be kind of a fool. But I never cheated on anyone.
I really wanted to fix our relationship, I made all the oathes, all the promises, professed our love all I could. I tried hard, and I tried long. But all she was seeing was that I cheated on her and I wouldn't admit to it. Eventually she broke off the relationship as she couldn't see it work. I tried to avoid reaching harrassment-level, but I still for a while reached to her trying to appeal to her how our relationship was the greatest. I stopped when she started seeing other men so casually that even I knew. The stop was abrupt. Not a complete stubborn no-contact, and I didn't give a reason, but contact between us used to be me trying again and again to convince her, and suddenly it was just her sometimes asking about mundane things about our past common interests.
We've been separated for about six months. Recently she's reached out to me asking if we could see to go back to our relationship, and she mentionned possibly to the engagement. I told her no, that we're better as friends with a history now. However, considering how everyone saw me pursue her long and hard, with my life, the drastic difference that came abruptly is understandably puzzling. She's confused about what changed, and she pressured me for answers. I told her I don't think she believes me now that I'm innocent, and it wouldn't be good for either of us to live in such a relationship with that big an awkward stain. Well, it's true that it is one of my reasons. But that was the case from the start and that didn't stop me from pursuing her long and hard at first. She's still asking about why now that became "don't even think of getting back together."
Well I have reason two. I just don't want to get back to someone I was engaged to, who then broke up with me and slept with other people. That situation is not marriage material to me. All I can see is she had the opportunity to not go to other people, and she discarded that opportunity. When I commit to someone to the point that I want to marry them, we will have no such thing to deal with. As far as I'm concerned, we were meant to be until she made us not meant to be. I don't think she did bad. I think I would waste valuable time of my life being with her when I could be spending it finding my best life instead. Exploring other great people who'd be great life partners without having to deal with them going elsewhere when they feel like it. Or just making the best of being single.
But I don't feel like telling her that. All she'll hear and tell everyone is me accusing her of cheating anyway. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
O3jvN2zM8jcdqDwD1lsxpNlzfffzCDsm | b9k4r8 | {
"description": "unfriending a girl I liked",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for unfriending a girl I liked | About a year ago, I met a pretty awesome girl , that I will call Jackie, that I instantly liked. She is super funny,interesting and definitely my type. We hit it off pretty well and right from the start we talked a lot. Three months after we meet I asked Jackie out , she said no. Jackie mentioned she felt like she didn't know me well enough to date. This was pretty hard on me and I considered unfriending Jackie here but after a discussion with her I decided not to.
A couple of months later, once I thought I was over her I dated another girl that I will call Paige, but after two months I realized I did not like Paige but rather still liked Jackie. As soon as I realized this I broke up with Paige.
Considering that the original reason that Jackie had given me to reject me was that we didn't each other, I thought that maybe now I had a chance. After waiting for the break-up with Paige to be less fresh , I started flirting with Jackie again. We texted almost every night. Things seemed to be going well, Jackie was very responsive to my texts, invited me lunch and other things she participated in.
I decided I had to talk to her about my feelings again. I felt that asking Jackie out again might be insensitive so I didn't ask her out again and just told her I had feelings for her. Jackie this time told she felt we weren't compatible. For multiple reasons including fear of not moving on from her if we stayed friend and not wanting to be a mess like the last time she rejected me. I decided to cut her out of my life.
TL:DR Hit it off with a girl asked her out , got rejected became really good friends with her and after 9 month told her I had feeling for her , got rejected again, decided to cut her out my life. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ErvMRRSj9iPwyaXnPP3hDI4jf9081Eig | aspgog | {
"description": "staying friend with a racist",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for staying friend with a racist? | I have this friend I have known for a long time and we used to have really interesting political discussions. He always had really strong opinions and I always enjoyed a good political or philosophical discussion.
Years went by and I noticed that he became more and more radical in his viewpoints. The change didn’t occurred overnight. Anyway the more I was discussing with him the more I felt uncomfortable with his viewpoints. The thing is that he’s really intelligent and can spin any argument to feel rational and straightforward even when you realize that the conclusion is “we should forbid Muslim people from naming their babies the with an Arabic name” or “we should forbid them walking down the street wearing a djellaba”.
Maybe for context I should indicate that we’re French and over here there is a strong political undercurrent against Muslims. He never acknowledge it clearly but I strongly suspect him to subscribe to the far right political party in France (the Front National). That’s a big no-no in polite society, here.
All of my other friends cut bridges with him. They told me I should do the same. The thing is that I still like him. I just don’t want to talk politics with him anymore. He’s having health difficulties and I suspect his pain is bringing to the forefront all his dark ideas. I personally believe that we all have prejudices inside of us but we know better and try to overcome them but it’s harder to do when you’re in pain because you just want to hate the world and you then have an easy target.
Is being friend with an asshole makes me an asshole by association?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
cMuBPRXFrp3dGYofWCL31dtgN2Z5AOYu | ape8qm | {
"description": "not saying thank you to someone holding the door for me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not saying thank you to someone holding the door for me? | Context: I (18 y/o) suffered an accident about a month ago, and part of my recovery is to walk a lot every day. I take a cane with me just in case, through I'm not visibly disabled and walk pretty well, though I get tired after walking a long way. A few days I go, on return trip from my walk, I was tired and a bit hungry, decided to stop by a Burger King.
As I was going through the doors, I wasn't paying much attention, mostly from being tired and lost in throught about something else, and a stranger that was exiting just before I was entering held the door open for me. I didn't acknowledge him or say thank you, see being tired and lost and thought, but I still recognize that I was rude regardless.
After I passed, I only realized that the door was held open for me because the helpful stranger said *"You're welcome"* in a quite annoyed way after waiting for my "thank you" that never came, and he left. At the time I felt pretty bad, only then realizing my mistake, but then I got annoyed that the stranger seemed to be offended that I, a tired young person walking around with a cane, didn't say thank you, and decided to voice his offense in a snide "you're welcome"
This is probably an incredibly insignificant AITA post, but after thinking about it I really want to know what y'all think. Who's more of an asshole, me who didn't say thank you, or the guy who gave a snide "you're welcome"? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
HV2P2m6W9r6lvY7wBmhrLDpPHpZMhMxE | b12hh0 | {
"description": "not wanting to apologize for getting my friend grounded",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA because I don't want to apologize for getting my friend grounded? | Throwaway because my friends know my Reddit.
There are five us in our friend group ranging from 23 to 15 and we are doing a challenge. Anytime someone in the group calls you, you have to answer on speaker no matter what. The only exceptions are school, funerals/weddings, and church. We all put a hundred bucks in a jar and the last one to not answer the phone wins the game. Two of our friends have already dropped out so all that is left is me(F15), my boyfriend Q(15), and our friend R(M16). We've been going back and forth for about 2 weeks at this point.
Well, Q and I decided to call R after school while we were working on our homework and the call went like this. We called him, he answered and Q asked him if was excited for this raging college party on Friday night our oldest friend(M) got us into, btw there was no party, and R was confused. Q and I jokingly tried to remind him of all the booze and drugs that would be there and he kept denying it, growing more and more nervous to the point of stuttering. The nail of the coffin came when I said something along the lines of "You remember Clarissa, that smoking hot senior from M's sorority? Well she can't wait for you to do more body shots" Q died laughing and we expected the same from R but all we heard was his mom yelling at him to hang up, so he did. Yesterday at school R told us we got him grounded, his phone confiscated and chores up to his eyelids. Not to mention he isn't allowed out of the house unsupervised for two months.
R told us to go fuck ourselves and hasn't spoken to us since. Q felt bad and apologized to him and is somewhat on his good side but I kinda don't feel bad. He could've said when he answered the phone that his mother was there like we all do when we get a call with our parents nearby but he decided not to. I feel bad that he got put on essentially house arrest but I don't regret the call. The group is split down the middle with M on my side and our other friend on R's side. Q is on the fence but is trying to get me to apologize so we can all just be friends. I refused and still do.
But I've been thinking about it more and I don't know if I'm in the wrong here for not apologizing so I came here to Reddit during my class freetime. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
sH78bKJTg9v2UccwAglYKIFJhjReqH2q | agyl79 | {
"description": "not wanting to swallow for my husband's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to swallow for my husband’s birthday? | Background information. We have been married ten year, if it matters we have three kids. He is great with them. He cooks, fixes things around the house, and does all of the outside work. We both work full time. I am a physician and he is a analyst.
With three kids, we don’t have a lot of time for a sex life. Probably 2-4 times a month, sometimes less. I have always been a morning person and with my job, I am tired and ready for bed at 9:00. That is about the time we get into bed after getting the kids to bed and get out of the shower. At this point, I am not in the mood for sex, just ready for sleep. He has always been a night person and goes to bed closer to midnight.
When we do have sex, he is a giving lover. He goes down on me until I tell him to stop. Going down on him hurts my jaw, so while I do it, it is usually only for a minute or two. I have never let him cum in my mouth. It just seems really gross to me.
His birthday is coming up and he asked if I would let him cum in my mouth and swallow, as this is apparently on his sexual bucket list and no one has ever done it for him. Am I the asshole for straight up telling him no? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
WFclb8YUOXJGxijysXAFltAtfOyKRLOG | anrlnb | {
"description": "being pissed off at my roommate for backing out of living together next year",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being pissed off at my roommate for backing out of living together next year? | In August I moved in with two of my high school friends and a friend of a friend (FoF) who needed a place to stay. In September or October we signed an agreement to live together again because our rental agency wanted to know if they needed to start showing our place. We had talked about living together before and after signing the agreement, and at no point did anyone hesitate to agree. It's not a legally binding lease, more of a gentleman's agreement that reserved our apartment for the next year.
This past weekend one of my high school friends and FoF told us they're moving out at the end of the current lease. I'm not as upset with FoF because she understands that what she did isn't cool and she fucked us over, but my friend doesn't think he did anything wrong because we hadn't signed an actual legally binding lease. Since we had agreed to live together again I didn't start looking for housing until now. Of the 13 properties I have inquired about (a total of 40ish units) I've found 3 units that are available. Most people sign leases in November/December for August move in dates so it's pretty picked over.
I'm not mad that they want to move out. I'm mad they backed out on our agreement to live together, waited until now to tell us (leaving me with very limited options for housing), and that my friend doesn't understand why I don't think what he did is acceptable. So, Reddit, give it to me straight: Am I the asshole or is my anger justified? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aAEgsKFhEeErpOobHlk5oVHCgkvYxbvP | atwub6 | {
"description": "banning my friend from my apartment for not liking my significant other",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if i banned my friend from my apartment for not liking my significant other | okay maybe ban is too strong of a word but here’s the situation
I met my s/o in college and we’ve been dating 5 years now. After graduation we both moved back to our hometowns (which aren’t too far apart) to live with our parents and save some money before moving in together.
Since i’m back in my hometown i’ve been seeing my old friend group much more regularly and honestly it’s been great. Back in high school my house was always the hang out spot and since i’ve been back that’s pretty much how it’s been going as well. it’s close to everyone, on a major street and has enough room to accommodate everyone. My friend group is amazing and i’m very lucky to have them i would be lost without these people.
However a friend and i recently had a disagreement and they told me they hated my significant other (in an effort to hurt me i guess). We are back on talking terms even though our friendship took a hit after that. They (the friend) is back to coming over and hanging out.
My problem now is that my s/o and i are about to move in together-from all indications it seems like my friend group is expecting my new place to be the hang out spot again since it’s not too far from my old place and has all the benefits sans my mom’s cookies :,)
I am uncomfortable with the idea of my friend coming over to my new apartment if they do not like my s/o. It’s not just my place anymore-it’s my s/o’s home as well. personally, i would be upset if my s/o brought someone into my home who does not like me/would be glad if we broke up so I am trying to extend the same courtesy.
This friend and I have been friends for many many years and this fight is one of maybe a handful we’ve ever had. It feels strange to be moving somewhere know my house wont have that open door policy we’ve always had anymore.
I have not spoken to anyone about this as I feel like I am being forced to choose between two people i love very much and don’t know how to relay this story to others verbally without sounding biased towards one side or the other.
WIBTA if I shirked hosting duties? WIBTA if I straight up told my friend i’m uncomfortable with them coming over since they hate my s/o? I feel that if I stop hosting altogether it will be significantly harder to get everyone together but if that’s the right thing to do i really can’t complain.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EorxgGIxKgGuBVLD6tz4oVfsBzxr0Xah | awp6up | {
"description": "not letting my dad eat one of my homemade cupcakes",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not letting my dad eat one of my homemade cupcakes? | Tomorrow, my parents and I were invited to eat homemade dinner at my brother's girlfriend's house. I offered to make mini cupcakes. I spent the better part of two hours baking them. They had cooled and I was just about to pack them up and hide them because my dad is notorious for grazing off of foods, and he will eat and eat if no one's there to stop him.
Sure enough, in walks my dad. He beelines for the cupcakes with arms outstretched. I physically put my body in front of them and say no while trying furiously to shove them into a Tupperware without ruining them. "I can have just one!" he laughed, I laughed and hissed at him jokingly, which got more laughs. I figured he would stop at that, but he's still going for a cupcake. I managed to block him out and walk away. The mood was still light and playful (or so I thought). I told him he can have as many as he wants tomorrow, they're not even iced yet. I had the exact amount to make a perfect grid of cupcakes in my holder and I wanted to impress my brother's gf. I walked away with the cakes and that is that.
Fast forward two hours, my mom came home with groceries and I could get started on the frosting. She also brought home some fresh fried chicken wings she bought for Grampa's dinner (she's his caretaker). She said she got an extra one that Dad and I can share. I offer half and he didn't want it. I said ok, so I make funny "Mmm! Yummy!" sounds as I eat it. He joked, "well maybe I do," and reached a hand out. I jokingly pulled back and said, "I changed my mind!" although I fully intended to give him his half.
Well I'll be damned if he didn't explode. He yelled, "well I don't want it now! You always do this! You play games and act like a child! Like with the fucking cupcakes!" and he stormed off to his office while kicking things.
Now I'm left wondering if I was being too petty and immature for not letting him have a mini cupcake. He's in the kitchen now baking boxed brownies that he's made clear are just for himself. He's fucking diabetic and doesn't need a whole box. I still need to make frosting, but don't want to be in the same room as him.
Am I the asshole because I didn't let him have even a single cupcake? Or for playing games with the chicken? Am I always playing games?? I feel bad. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
q1sVC0BiZSrKcxJH30Xeptums3zdJb2h | awl4vb | {
"description": "driving with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA Driving with my sister | I’m on mobile and if formatting is an issue Sorry. Okay so I’m gonna be straight I deal with autism so I see myself in the right in this scenario. Okay so I pick up and drop off my younger sister who’s a junior in high school I’m a freshmen in college. I play music and story’s from other reddit subs well this annoys my sister to the point she: yells, messes with my radio, grabs my phone and plays what she wants, and calls what I like trash. I tell her because I’m petty drive yourself(she doesn’t have a license) and find another ride. Am I the asshole for continuing playing my music and videos and telling her she’s being a choosing beggar. Please let me know. Also she doesn’t pay for gas or anything and I do most of this because I’m being nice | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xhckDvnYmIerV9KcoL2Xf9ZX3VrX7k5T | 9yufi1 | {
"description": "not wanting to drive my gf to work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA - For not wanting to drive my gf to work? | So last night my girlfriend decided to sleep at her sisters which is a 2 minute walk from our house skip to this morning when she comes home and wakes me up without a good morning or anything sweet like that and instantly asks. If I can drive her. (while her sister is inside our house and was a running car outside) I asked her why her sister couldn't and she got mad and slammed the door on me. A few minutes later she messages me from the living room "k well bye".
I instantly started getting dressed out on my jacket to give her a ride but she declined said that her sister is already on her way. Which really upset me because she stormed off after that no goodbye kiss or anything. Sorry for the chicken scratch hastily written I'm just upset. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9e63z7thKZUBFvwz8mxndhhnwq0uRCAD | aztsiu | {
"description": "being happy that my best friend has broken up",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being happy that my best friend has broken up | My[21] best friend[21] was in a relationship for 2½ years. I hate that girl. All our friends thought she was not the right person for him, and that she sees a father instead of a boyfriend in him. He always put with anything she doled out to him saying he loves her. Him saying this, meant that I could not say anything to him outright
Things reached a new low yesterday, and he decided to break up with her. I nudged along some things, and brought some thoughts forward which he already had. You can say I'm indirectly responsible for him reaching that decision, although, he was going to take that decision some day. The only thing stopping him was it was his first love, so he was a stupid idiot in love.
Thing is, I should feel guilty, shouldn't I? Instead, I can't stop a grin coming to my face. She's toxic as fuck; she screamed at him to stay away from her, blocked him on a whim, and she's being repeating the same arguments every time they fight, which is pretty frequent. He's family, he's like a brother to me.
AITA for feeling happy that he's breaking up? Should I feel guilty about it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mXlzg8wn87Mi9fio0t7VNHaqZaD2SYyk | a07a3x | {
"description": "getting mad at my friend for defending guys who send perverted messages",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at my friend for defending guys who send perverted messages? | I was at a close friend's house with a few others just hanging out and watching a movie. I mentioned that lately I've been getting a lot of creepy sexual messages on social media, and that i might just stop uploading pictures of myself since it gives me anxiety. One of the guys I'm not overly close with said "well duh, what else did you expect?"
I asked him what he meant and he asked if I was really surprised that this was happening, saying "you're like a pretty girl so you probably know what you're doing posting selfies."
I got flustered and said "well that doesn't mean i want these messages about how i'm gonna get fucked senseless by these creepy ass guys."
he sort of just shrugged it off and said that maybe they're just trying to compliment me, and that he would like messages like that.
i was mad and honestly just really surprised, and i snapped that I didn't like it, that he didn't understand, and it makes me feel really violated inside. It got quieter since i sort of yelled.
He said "calm the hell down, it's not that serious. jeez, you're kind of killing the mood..."
I said I was sorry and didn't say anything after that because I was about to cry because I felt so bad for causing a scene and everyone was probably really annoyed with me. I felt so stupid for getting so aggressive so quick.
It was a good thing the lights were off because I actually did start crying, and I knew if they saw me they'd probably think I was trying to get sympathy, and be even more annoyed. I just felt so ashamed at the time.
The more i type this out the more I realize I should've just been more polite and not have gotten so mad, but I still think he was really wrong about all of it. Was I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lGdHcXSEzOQCqYy6qYRH67wn0i3wWHvQ | apuixj | {
"description": "not wanting to be around my best friend's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For not wanting to be around my best friend's girlfriend | To give some background info, my group of friends (me, friend #1 and friend #2) have been doing just about everything together for almost ten years now. We met in school, and have grown really close. About two years ago a new student (GF) came to our school, and was in all of the same classes as us. Inevitably, we all got to know each other. Personally, I originally tried to keep my distance from GF because we don't really have that much in common, and her loud and outgoing personality can be kind of abrasive to me sometimes.
Last summer, friend #2 and GF started spending a lot of time together because they would go to some of the same youth events. They never really got super close, but when we all came back together for the beginning of this school year, she became a more present member in our friend group.
The more I got to know about GF, the more I realized that my initial judgements might have been too harsh. But things started getting uncomfortable when she started overtly flirting with friend #1. At first it was kind of funny because we were all kind of flirtatious with each other anyway (we're all just a bunch of silly girls). But after a while, it became clear that this new addition to our group had serious intentions of dating friend #1 despite the fact that friend #1 clearly rebuffed her advances.
Friend #2 and I both talked about this situation together when the flirting and touching never stopped, and decided that we just needed to keep our distance. Friend #1 is now in a relationship with GF, and I want to be supportive because they both seem happy together. The issue is that friend #2 and I believe that the girlfriend is actively trying to cause problems in our friendship, and make us grow apart. We have already talked to her about starting false rumors that friend #2 lied to the GF about friend #1's feelings (which she denies despite there being evidence to refute her story).
All in all, I am trying to act like it is not a big deal, because it's not my relationship to worry about, and I want my best friend to be happy, but I worry that I will keep growing apart from my best friends because I would rather not be around her GF who I think might be toxic. Now that they are dating, everything I do with friend #1 also includes her GF. Even when we are just meeting up to work on a project for a class that her GF isn't even in. AITA for putting my foot down and keeping my distance? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
38V2xpHDvMIeKNHa7nUwDVnuQPPtEa66 | akgd6g | {
"description": "unfriending someone over a MAGA hat",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for unfriending someone over a MAGA hat? | So I woman I know from church has some political views I don’t agree with. She posts 24/7 about planned parenthood selling baby parts and building the wall and how we should build the wall, and the birthed conspiracy, just the whole 9 yards.
Recently she purchased a MAGA hat and captioned it about how she hopes she isn’t beaten up while wearing it. Honestly I think this is silly and it all seems kinda hateful.
My SO says I shouldn’t unfriend her as I would be a hypocrite for unfriending her because she’s intolerant. I personally just don’t wanna associate with someone who’s kind of hateful and ignorant like that and just posts things that are wrong for the sake of not having to see that kind of stuff on my feed.
WIBTA if I unfriended her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qbzsbawb1u8tlw7RIgORhqykF6uecakB | 9yc52p | {
"description": "telling my bf that him leaving me in the middle of the night made me feel sad",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my [f24] BF [m28] that him leaving me in the middle of the night made me feel sad? | We agreed that he would sleep over last night, and we were both excited for it. We had a very fun day, but he said that he had an upset stomach. He powered through it most of the day like a champ, but late at night he told me he had to go home and use the bathroom. He also left his sleeping pills behind, which he has a hard time sleeping without (go figure).
​
I told him it was ok! I understand not wanting to go #2 in a bathroom other than my own, because I won't do it either unless it's an emergency. He said he might come beck after he's done at home and retrieves his sleeping pills. He didn't end up coming back, but it was really cold and he was really tired so I totally get it.
​
I told him today that I felt sad when he left, cause you know, I feel that getting left in the middle of the night sucks. I told him repeatedly that I wasn't mad at him for leaving, because I understand why he had to, it just made me sad. I was talking to him on the phone and I couldn't see his face but it sounded like he was starting to cry so I started apologizing over and over for saying anything. And now I kind of feel like a jerk for bringing it up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
DwueV6cQkayQz0T3AVgF6L40tKnN2Uc4 | b5mydx | {
"description": "wanting to end a friendship because they involved the police",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for wanting to end a friendship because they involved the police? | A few months ago, some of my friends got into a falling out with their friends. At the same time I got really depressed and started isolating myself. The three friends (who are all roommates) I think started using me to complete their now-incomplete friendship group. They'd show up at my house unexpectedly, bring food, spend the night... It was nice at the time, because I kept thinking "everyone actually hates you and just pretends to put up with you" and having them around also mitigated the loss of my social life. I know that they also spend a lot of time at my house because it's more conveniently located than theirs. But they did take interest in me as a friend as well.
In the past few weeks, I've been feeling a lot better. I've had a lot of homework to make up, which has taken up a lot of my time. I've been spending time with some new pals from class as well, and all the rest of my time goes to my boyfriend. So I haven't seen a whole lot of the three, but last week I get a text from one of them asking me a question I forget to respond to. The next day, another texts me to check and see how I'm doing, as I hadn't seen her in awhile. It was kind of late, so I fall asleep and forget to answer that, too. I do have a short text conversation with the third a couple days later. In general, I'm not the kind of person that is good at responding to texts.
Three days later, I get a call in the morning from the roommate. I'm half awake in bed, but don't feel like waking up fully to talk, so I figured I'd shoot her a text later. I fall back asleep and end up in a rush to make it to class. I start getting in the shower when I hear a knock on the door. I check my phone quickly to see if anyone mentioned stopping by, but no one has, so I ignore it.
After class, I have 2 calls from an unknown number. It's an officer from the police department, checking to make sure I'm okay. Apparently all the unanswered texts were concerning, and after I didn't answer the morning phone call I think the knock on the door was also one of them checking on me. I guess the police was their next idea. I call him back immediately and get it cleared up, and then text them all to let them know I'm fine.
I get they were just worried about me, and I appreciate that. Considering how I've been, it was probably scary. I should have texted them back. But also.... I only had three days of actual no contact with them. I go three days without talking to friends all the time. I had no idea they were that worried. It's not like they even texted me during those three days. I just feel really weird about it all. I think it was a massive overreaction to involve the police. The clinginess of this incident really freaked me out, and I can't really explain why. Naturally, everyone I've told this story to has called me a massive asshole. I still don't really want to be friends anymore though. AITA?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
sT51Jb5gfEBbfCXwefI8utkA0QmUUSqP | aqceoh | {
"description": "being not sure if I should stay friends with somebody",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA because I’m not sure if I should stay friends with somebody? | I’ve been growing closer with a friend who’s also in my grade, and it’s been nice to get to know her better. We were hanging out in a group of friends and I accidentally exposed the area in which she lived in. She retaliates by exposing my feelings to my crush. I feel like I should end the friendship because while I sometimes have fun with her, a lot of the time, she seems tired of me and is very blunt with me. She doesn’t treat any of our other friends like this, and it just sucks. I sent a text a couple of days ago that I unsent, but not before she saw the message. The text came out as slightly pathetic, with me apologizing again, and me basically saying that I’m sorry that I ruined our friendship and it was nice while it lasted. We’re in a mutual friend group, so I’m conflicted on whether I should do what I want and work on trying to repair the friendship with her, or if I should just not be friends with her. I know our friend group would pick her over me, so I’m not exactly in the position to start a fight. Thanks for listening to my rant. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nDDOG9ve1mNqk2VarQwdaUXrhdlskRJm | aojzfj | {
"description": "rejecting my BF's ideas on how to fix our sex life",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for rejecting my BF‘s ideas on how to fix our sex life? | Obviously a throwaway account. Also sorry if I make any mistakes, English isn’t my first language.
Me [M24] and my boyfriend [M26] got together about 5 months ago (we‘ve known each other for maybe 9 months before that). I‘m very happy with him and he‘s pretty much everything I‘m looking for in a guy. There‘s just one big problem in our relationship...
Having anal sex with my bf is unbearable for me because he has a really big and thick penis. It’s not exactly the length that’s the problem but rather the girth. I am by no means inexperienced when it comes to anal sex, but trying to receive him just hurts like hell. We‘ve tried everything we could think of (different positions, different types of massages and relaxation techniques before sex, etc.) but I always end up being in an awful lot of pain anyway.
I tried enduring it two times, thinking I‘d eventually get used to it, but it’s just not working out the way it should. He obviously doesn’t enjoy having sex with someone whose face clearly says „I hate this“ either.
Needless to say, this is a very frustrating issue. We both like having sex, but if it doesn’t work it just doesn’t work, you know? We still pleasure each other orally and with our hands, but at the end of the day that isn’t really enough for either of us.
Switching positions entirely is no option either since he doesn’t enjoy bottoming at all.
I feel a little guilty and embarrassed about being unable to handle his size, especially after he constantly brought up the fact that his exes had no issue bottoming for him before.
He‘s made two suggestions on how we could fix the problem, but I rejected both of them:
1. Using poppers (I think using them often is dangerous and I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of drugging myself up just to have sex)
2. Having an open relationship (I get that I clearly can’t give him what he wants, but ofc I don’t want my bf to have sex with other guys while we’re together)
Since I rejected both ideas, he‘s become more and more frustrated with me and accuses me of not caring about the whole thing and evading the problem which isn’t true. I just feel like I shouldn’t have to give up my principles for the sake of sex, if that makes sense.
At this point I just have no idea what to do anymore. I know sex is a really important part of a relationship, but I just hate the idea of breaking up with him over this. Our relationship is pretty much perfect otherwise. He actually feels the same way I do (I‘ve made sure to ask him several times), but since we both can’t agree on / find a solution, I‘m scared of what might happen...
When I asked one of my friends for advice, he told me I should just get over myself and try out one of the methods he suggested, but like I said, I feel like I shouldn’t have to give up my principles for the sake of sex. When I explained that, he said I‘m being childish and that it‘s essentially my prudishness that keeps us from having a fulfilling sex life. Hearing that hurt and made my guilty feelings even stronger.
AITA for refusing to try out the things my BF suggested and maybe putting our relationship at an even bigger risk that way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2bQcBzTkbQVgyOb8G3OkRLmGN4eIn1nn | au9tr3 | {
"description": "trying to prevent my ex from joining a club/society I'm a part of",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for trying to prevent my ex from joining a club/society I'm a part of? | **Note:** Due to having Aspergers, I'm not good at social context.
First some back story. I went out with someone for around 3 years. Relationship was amazing for the first 2 years but became began to become toxic when they began to withhold affection, sometimes blanking to me whenever together. This also went to the point of them showing me their Facebook/Phone password in an attempt to find out mine to their own admission. It became worse overtime as they began to start talking more and more about another person rather obsessively, to the point I was suspicious that something more may have been happening. I found out that my ex had cheated on me with this person, however to find out this information I needed to access their Facebook account without them knowing and see a private message they had with someone, confirming to me that they had cheated. I wouldn’t normally have done this, however after months of not knowing, the anxiety of this overwhelmed me and caused me to do so. This broke my heart, causing me to lose any trust I had in them. However, due to the way I found this out, I couldn’t admit to knowing they had cheated on me as I would have needed to have said how I found this out. Due to this, I held my tongue on the matter and they broke up with me a month later.
After all of that, with the anxiety of not knowing if our relationship was going to last for months on end, making it the only thought I had in my mind for months and realising how controlling and manipulative this person actually was afterwards, it left me very distrusting of people and made me numb emotionally and romantically for over a year. Now whenever I think of this person or see a photo of them, I get very anxious and angry at the emotional roller coaster they had put me though and do not want to associate with them ever again.
In the present, was at a meeting in a pub for a society I’m a part of, which I’m on the committee for. Great night until I noticed that my ex came along, to which was the first time I had saw them since we had broken up. A friend of mine took me outside since they said I looked anxious when my ex came in and wanted to know what was up. From telling them why, they said I should talk to the President (one of my best friends) and see what can be done. Messaged them later to ask if we could prevent my ex from coming to meet ups due to the rather bad history I have had with them (there are more things that had happened, but omitted due to word limit). They replied in surprise saying that they didn’t want to since they haven’t broken any rules at the society, to which I said that with them around I don’t feel I would be able to perform my duties for the society with them present.
TLDR: Was in relationship, suspicious of cheating, accessed their fb, I was right, left devastated and emotionally numb for over a year, they come to society meet-up, I leave due to their presence, try to ban from society, president rejects due to not breaking rules
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
SzsbS3veHW0ZwGMq46PqUJXlAfdkig9X | b0pqvs | {
"description": "picking up my girlfriend from behind and putting her in the car after she wouldn't leave the party",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 49
} | AITA for picking up my girlfriend from behind and putting her in the car after she wouldn't leave the party? | Just some context to maybe make this a little easier to judge. We're both 21 and I'm 6'3" and an entire foot taller than my girlfriend. We've been together 2 1/2 years.
My girlfriend "Julia" can sometimes be unaware of the social clues people around her are giving off, especially when she has been drinking.
This was the case last night when we went to go hang out and have dinner at a friend's place. Over the night Julia had a lot of wine and we ended up staying until almost midnight when this happened.
I could tell that our friends really wanted us to leave so they could go to bed but are too nice to actually tell us to leave. It was getting super uncomfortable and Julia just was not picking up on any of this. At one point when we ended up alone in the living room for a minute I whispered to her that "I think they want to go to bed. We should head out now."
She told me to stop being "ridiculous", that they were all having fun and I was trying to ruin her "good time". I decided to give it a little longer to see if she would pick up on the hints before I would remind her again that we should leave.
By the time I reminded her for the second time, it was 12:30 and everybody but Julia was irritated. I asked my friends straight up when Julia was in the bathroom if they wanted us to leave and they finally said yes. When she came back I told her that they said we should leave but she accused me of lying because I "just want to go home."
I stood up, thanked our friends for having us, and grabbed Julia from behind by her waist, grabbed her stuff and put her in the car. Like I said she's a whole foot shorter so there wasn't much she could do to get out it.
When I put her in the car I told her she was being embarrassing and we were going home. She told me to fuck off but didn't say anything else about it until today when I was at work and she texted me that I was being an asshole last night and I shouldn't have picked her up like that, she's not a child, and she doesn't want to talk to me until I apologize.
That's the thing, I don't know if I should be the one to apologize. She was the one disrespecting everybody's time and not listening to my attempts to get her to pay attention to our friend's hints that we should leave. I didn't know what else to do at that point.
AITA for picking her up like that despite all my other attempts to get her to leave? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 22,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 49
} | WRONG |
B56D9wtvqjAIL9vDyLR6QnudgS9AxpYf | b9e9mp | {
"description": "not wanting to stay after school with my group to finish a project",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not wanting to stay after school with my group to finish a project | So I’m in an engineering class and we have been working on this big project throughout the quarter, it’s broken up into sections that we turn in when we complete them. Our group started out rough but we worked hard to catch up. We were on the very last section today but didn’t finish because of some technical difficulties. They asked me to stay after with them and I said I didn’t know if I could. I could stay after, but I’m a member of a club (improv club if your wondering) that meets at the same time. I want to go to it but that would mean not helping them. My justification is that we are so close to finishing they could easily finish it without me, and even if nobody worked on it we would have enough time to finish it next class. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
Ss9vCLmbEmkEiXTk5Qg72wrW7lf9ODcq | b97r1i | {
"description": "declining all social invitations from my coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for declining all social invitations from my coworkers? | I'm not a overly social person, I have a few close friends, a partner and family which is all the social interaction I need. I'm also a person who gets burnt out easily, so I make a point to keep work separate from my home life, when I clock out for the day I want to go straight home or to do the things I want to do.
My coworkers have been inviting me fairly regularly to hang out with them outside of work. I'm very grateful to be asked, but I'm not particularly interested. We get along well at work and they're a good group of people, but I don't want to hang out with colleagues outside the job. I've given excuses or gently turned them down multiple times now, until one recently confronted me and asked me outright why I never come out.
I did my best to explain to him in as respectful way as possible by saying that I value them as colleagues and feel very fortunate to work with them, I try to keep my personal life separate and I don't really have the time to make new friends right now but am thankful for the offers. He seemed a bit taken aback but accepted my answer.
I told my partner later that night and she said I was being a jerk, and that I should give hanging out with them a chance. I honestly just..don't want to. It's not that I think I'm better than them or anything they did wrong, I'm just not into it. I don't really need work friendships to be happy, I have solid friends right now and don't really need anymore nor do I have the time to invest in building those relationships, I'm happier just keeping to myself. We all get along great at work, I'll gladly socialize with them there but when work ends I kind of just want it to end. Note that "you need to do this for your job, networking is important" doesn't really apply in my position, socializing isn't really critical to what I do. This is purely an emotional question.
Does this make me an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
wbssNdSzpyr8hpf463yrRrXqeYjjcPrd | b71fah | null | AITA. Dad is taking things personal after grandfather/best friend's cancer diagnosis. | My grandpa was diagnosed with prostate cancer yesterday. I found out while I was still at work, i guess i was the first one to find out. I immediately went home after my shift to talk to my parents. My dad had been called 10 - 15 minutes prior and were told by my grandma. As soon as I got home he seemed very cold and distant. He didnt seem to understand that I could be just as upset as him. And kept saying that its " his father ". Immediately after he said that I got really upset and called him an asshole, he then tried to get in my face and was screaming. Told him that I didnt need to take his shit and that he could fuck off if he was gonna act like that. I went to my room and heard him talking to my mom and saying "Did you just hear what OP said to me? I'll never forgive him". I ended up leaving for a while to get away from the house. Got home and tried to apologize but he just told me to leave him alone and that he didnt want to see me. I couldnt tell if he had been drinking or not so I just left it and went to bed. This morning I tried to apologize again before going to school but he just ignored me. Just honestly dont know what to do. Jts such a screwed up situation. But he doesn't seem to understand that other people can be upset.
NOTES: My father struggles with alcoholism. He gets really verbally abusive and goes on rants about how he hates his kids and my mom. Hes only gotten psychical with me once before, he wont touch my mom or little brother though.
In the past he has taken things extremely badly and doesnt seem to be able to handle bad news at all.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
F7S8IgCBmso5nkMsemo3mt0J6nUVoG0R | b5fvld | {
"description": "getting mad at my friends for not supporting me in a disagreement with the school staff",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for getting mad at my friends for not supporting me in a disagreement with the school staff. | Okay so my school does a yearly robotics competition. This year was a little bit special because there were many more contestants than usual and many more prizes were to be given.
​
Now I am a fairly good programmer and electronics technician, objectively in the top 3 in my school. So for the competition I was in charge of the programming, and since no one took responsibility for the electronics, I designed it too. In order for everything to be as repairable as possible and as easily debuggable as possible, I designed the code and the electronic circuits to be as simple as possible while always following my teams requirements (like a good leader should). Not that I don't like bragging but everything I put into that project was objectively perfect, nothing was out of place and each and every thing has it's own unique value and purpose. So although it was not much, it was perfect.
​
My competitor on the other hand made some very exotic way of movement (holonomic drive, very beautiful and practical btw), but everything was imperfect, his controller would disconnect, it would waste too much power etc.
​
My favorite, and arguably the best, professor at our school informed me that this guy was to get the prize as the best programmer. Now of course I did not agree with that, I wanted at least to have my code measured and compared to his, my complains hit deaf ears. I protested during the competition being very ironic against the professors and other teams, pointing out every imperfection other robots had. Then back at the lab I got in a huge fight with my friends, among them my best friend, who believed I do not deserve the prize and no comparison should take place because they are different kinds of code. Now, I generally am an asshole, so I informed them that they have no idea what they're talking about, offended them for having attended the same school as me and still being incompetent little shits (I do this all the time, but it's objective, even the professors agree) and stormed out of the lab. I won't be in school anymore this week so this will go unresolved but I'm pretty sure they won't talk to me.
​
BTW it is not below me to give github links to both my code and his, and also videos of the robots, so feel free to ask if you want. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
wzRKjcXxz7RQixSpHi9bBTInIuC8FxEe | awqv8o | {
"description": "insulting, when the other person uses physical violence",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for insulting, when the other person uses physical violence | Sometimes it starts with me provoking them, Sometimes it starts with them hitting me. The violence doesn't hurt me, as I'm bigger than the other person. They are older. I just don't like to resort to violence, and the other is slightly less "sophisticated " than me. This is very, vary superficial hitting, and more to illustrate anger. It does make me very annoyed though. Who is the a-hole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
NGLsLMZnhzHUuWfW4rogWqZSWjkQLOEv | azu5wc | {
"description": "feeling reluctant to pay my friend's roommates for staying at their house for 2 nights",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for feeling reluctant to pay my friend's roommates for staying at their house for 2 nights? | I'm currently studying abroad in Europe but before I left (about a month ago) I had to move out of my apartment a couple days before my flight. I talked with a friend (who is with me on this study abroad trip) of mine like a month in advance to make sure it was okay with his roommates that I would stay at their house for 2 nights so I wasn't homeless and they all agreed. I slept on a couch, and in the morning (as I still had classes) would go to school, shower at the gym, go to classes, eat at the cafeteria for lunch, and buy my own snacks/Jimmy John's on the way home for dinner.
​
Anyway, it's now about a month later and **my friend tells me** that his roommates insist I pay them $10 to help with the bills. AITA for being reluctant to pay? Honestly it's not that much money (which is an argument that can go both ways) but I would feel so much better about paying if the roommates were to politely ask me themselves during my stay instead of telling my friend to tell me to pay up a month after the fact. I just feel like it was a rude execution on their part but that's for Reddit to decide. I did already pay them.
​
I understand I should've probably done something or offered to pay a little bit but because I had planned this in advance and it was with a good friend I felt it wasn't super necessary especially since I didn't really use any of their utilities except some internet (which they pay like $30 a month for). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
zUIzDmkjmHsNZED3XtEn4Hm5wRR29LSM | 9utt5y | {
"description": "wanting to move away from home",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to move away from home? | I am 22, currently living at home with my parents. I have a couple of years left of college, and could choose to stay at home while I complete them. However, I very much want to move out of my home state and go to school elsewhere. I love and have a great relationship with my family, that is not the issue. The issue is that I am a very independent person. I just last year moved back home after living on my own for a year in order to save money, and that year was a time of great self growth. However, when I bring this desire up, it feels like i get guilt tripped by my parents for wanting to leave them. Really could use some feedback, AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
32te55SBeNg8j0qfo9uYTyfJDd3c3PRa | b4wy7h | {
"description": "telling my daughter to give up on her dreams",
"pronormative_score": 234,
"contranormative_score": 645
} | AITA for telling my daughter to give up on her dreams? | Basically, I am a doctor who graduated from one of the top med schools in the country. Because of this, I know what it takes to make it as a doctor. My eldest daughter is also on a medical track: she goes to a top 20 school and is excelling. She is a junior, and will probably get into one of the best med schools next year.
My youngest daughter is not like us. For my eldest daughter and I, math and science come more naturally. It’s not something we need to work hard at. My youngest daughter, however, really struggles with these topics. In college, she has to study for her STEM classes for hours and hours just to get the average grade at a school that’s not very difficult.
My daughter, to her credit, is a VERY hard worker and I admire that. However, that hard work could be placed to a field that she can really excel in instead of being a doctor; she will always struggle in med school, but she can take her talents elsewhere and become an amazing law or business major.
The drama is that she called me yesterday and told me she had trouble getting accepted with an internship, and asked if she could work with me this summer. I basically told her she should reconsider the medical professions because she spends all day studying and she is barely average, and I don’t think she can succeed as a doctor. BUT I reassured her that it’s okay and she can find something else to shine in. On the phone she was really quiet, and I ended the phone call with “I love you”. After this, I have my eldest daughter, ex-husband, mother, and siblings spamming me and telling me to apologize. Youngest won’t even pick up the phone.
I understand that her feelings may have been hurt and while that’s valid, I think tough love will help her in the future. For example, it may have hurt her feelings when she was younger because I wouldn’t let her eat cookies for dinner, but as a parent you need to protect your children, even when it hurts them in the short term.
Tl;dr: Told daughter she won’t succeed as a doctor, now everyone is mad. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 641,
"OTHER": 159,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 75,
"INFO": 14
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 234,
"WRONG": 645
} | WRONG |
AZzFG6B6rdvqosDcaJdkv5o3OqTpNwxk | b90qvz | {
"description": "I broke something from my friend, fixed it (my not agreeing with that) and not wanting to pay for it",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA if I broke something from my friend, fixed it (my friend doesn't agree with that) and doesn't want to pay for it | First off al I'm sorry about my writing, English is not my first language and I am still learning and I am also on my phone.
So, my friend bought a paper plane for 1.30 euro and I put it together and I accidentally broke the nose. I said: I will fix and if I can't I will pay you 1 euro. Later I also broke something else, but fixed it with tape. I think it is fixed and good, he does not and he says I am the asshole
I think like if you breake something from a friend and it is only 1.30 euro and doesn't really matter. I also feel like he just wants his money back because he regrets his purchase. When I offered to give him a new paper plane he doesn't seem very happy.
I know it is all about how damaged the plane is so I tried to include a picture but it failed. Does anybody knom how? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
uVxbavfNrom6ieEaIQOJMbVOLSAYglsP | b5gc4i | {
"description": "thinking my boyfriend should quit his job",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for thinking my boyfriend should quit his job? | Me and my bf are 17, we're seniors in high school and he attends a different high school, so during school I don't see him at all. We used to see each other most days after school but now as he got a job last month he's working most school days and sometimes on weekends. I probably see him once or twice a week now and it's really hard, I've begged him to quit and find something else because I barely ever see him anymore and it's impacting our relationship too much. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
TInJO56mwFIkljgbwZyHn7HwV8BR2U0O | acp9dr | {
"description": "not giving my friend a ride back to college since they need me to wait one day",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA to not give my friend a ride back to college since they need me to wait one day. | My friend wants to leave on Sunday meanwhile I want to leave on Saturday because there's a snowstorm suppose to hit on Saturday night. Am I the asshole to say, "I'm leaving with or without you" to my friend?
I'm conflicted because I'm not sure how bad the roads will be on the eight hour journey and a good friend while also not wanting to drive in hazardous conditions. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Kixxhdcraubgrj6Jy4Mw22PfOCM2FzoW | b9nu6o | {
"description": "making a spoiled girl over pay for my lost jacket",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 39
} | AITA for making a spoiled girl over pay for my lost jacket. | In my school we have this one girl who is extremely rich ( her parents money). I used to talk to her from time to time, she never did any of her assignments and constantly lost her stuff.
One day it was raining outside and I gave her my jacket. The week after I asked for the jacket back and she would always tell me that she'll give it to me.This lasted for a couple of months. Last week I asked her again,but she could see that I was angry.
She later confessed that she lost my jacket and I made her pay. The jacket actually costs around 200$, but I made her 450$.
I think that she needed to be taught a lesson. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 33,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 39
} | WRONG |
X2YXfuXFkbQU5kW4PzZidO83d02GUC1h | b6ntzz | {
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend because his brother is a white supremacist",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA If I break up with my boyfriend because his brother is a white supremacist? | My boyfriend and his brother are 4 years apart and growing up his brother has always been a role model to him. My boyfriend loves him dearly and is like his right hand man.
But personally I never liked him. Can you guess why? He's really open about being a white supremacist and goes on "left wings suck","every other race is lazy" rants on facebook a few times every month. The one time I met him though he was actually chill, and didn't really seem to take my race into account. I'm black by the way.
My boyfriend himself almost never brings up my race and honestly has this kind of intolerance to talk about it. Everytime I'd say some playful stereotype like "Black people do this ____" he just turns into a brick and you can just tell he doesn't want to talk about it.
It seems I'm the only one who's slightly conscious about race because before we got together - his fantasies surrounded white women and just out of paranoia/insecurities I would question if he's satisfied with dating me - to which he would reassuee me.
His brother was arrested 5 days ago for attempted kidnapping, assault, and hate crime. From what we know - he was in the parking lot of a club where he got into an argument with a black man because he was smoking in front of his car (he's really defensive about his health because his immune system is shit). When the guy was walking away he continued yelling racial slurs at him, and swung on him from behind. He beat him and attempted to push him inside the trunk of his SUV before a security guard intervened.
The first few nights my boyfriend was an indenial brick who refused to talk about it so I respected it and we carried on as normal. Just last night he came over and we were watching Happy Feet. The whole time I could see on his face that he was in deep deep thought, and just looked like he desperately wanted to say something. I asked if he was okay and it took him a minute before he said "Yeah...I don't think Connor was wrong" and that basically killed every mood. As our conversation progressed he revealed that he's gonna side with his brother no matter what and this wasn't an exception.
I'm asking if I'm the asshole because I feel like we've been together for 6 mos and race has never been an issue. He's not the bad guy, and it's really out of what transpired his brother did - and his choice to stand by him. I do want to end things with him.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
qvwGhJ0rhtJErRI5dQ7FphrE1vRLQI1j | aegzz4 | {
"description": "wanting to break up with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to break up with my girlfriend? | So I just need some advice on this because I've been having an internal conflict on the subject for a while now.
My Girlfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now and I meet her towards the end of my senior year in HS. I had just gotten out of a pretty length and grueling toxic relationship, and truthfully, I never intended on hopping back into another one so soon (roughly a month after my breakup, we started talking, 2 months later we started dating). She ended going to school out of state so for the first year and a half our relationship was mostly through screens, we made it work by having movie nights on Skype and trying our best to keep communications up. Aside from the regular issues that every person who has ever done long distance deals with, we fared pretty well. Eventually she came back in state for school and has been here ever since. She's really become my best friend, someone who I can joke around with, speak freely with, and who is extremely supportive of me and my goals. I really do love her.
And that's why this is so difficult for me.
Since the inception of our relationship my girlfriend has always been extremely sexually inexperienced. That in it of itself has never been an issue, I was more than willing to be patient with her and guide her. However, to this day my girlfriend remains a virgin because she has an extreme phobia of penetration.
Since the beginning of our relationship I've always made it a clear point that sex was a really important factor to me in a relationship, as I'm a pretty sexual person myself. This made the long distance portion of our relationship really hard for me because I always felt like we never actually established real physical intimacy before she left. We'd see each other every few weeks, sometimes we got frisky, other times we just watched movies and hung out. For a while I was okay with just oral, because I viewed it as baby steps towards having sex, but I would always have to be the one to engage. For a while she said that she just felt awkward and wasn't sure how to start as it were, so I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. It's always a bit odd when you have to consistently make the first move or always ask for something sexual; almost like you're not wanted, but I attempted to put my ego aside for the sake of our relationship. Throughout our period of long distance I would periodically bring up sex and how important it was to me, in an attempt to remind her but not necessarily pressure her. She always said she understood and when the topic of "when" would come up, she would basically keep saying next time or maybe soon, answers in that vein, and she promised to work on her phobia. During her first summer home we tried a good 7 times, each time getting progressively worse with the last time resulting in her crying and squirming as I towered over her (Missionary position and I'm a pretty tall fella). To be frank with you I felt somewhat like a rapist after that last attempt and it really put me off the idea of sex with her in general. We'd have arguments about the lack of sex constantly and after a while I stopped even bringing it up.
Sex became the furthest thing from my mind whenever we hung out.
As a result of what felt like a lack of physical intimacy between her and I, I became more physically distant. If I wasn't engaging something, there was no engagement. She eventually got disheartened by the lack of affection I was giving her and demanded a reason for it, to which I explained my stance. Once again she promised to work on her phobia, and I promised to work on being more affectionate and intimate with her (PG-13 intimate). Time went on and I made noticeable efforts to give her attention and affection, and again I felt like I was being snubbed. I was always making the first move, I was always having to ask. Once again I reached a boiling point and I became colder, and was really thinking about ending it, that was about 2 years in (patience is a curse?), but during the talk in which I was going to do it she informed me that she started to see a sex therapist. Hoperestored.jpg
That was 6 months ago and we still haven't tried to have sex. The last time we tried to have sex was almost a year ago now. Shes telling me shes really really wants to and she really has come a long way from where we started. She will now offer, sometimes she even asks (oral) and our sex life in that regard has gotten better but I really am just kinda over it at this point. Part of me really thinks we'd be better as best friends, and I don't want to be the one to take her virginity now, because I really am unsure of how I'd feel after. I don't wanna go through with it (sex) and then break up with her because how fucked is that, and at the same time I would feel like a dick for breaking up with her and throwing away a 3 year relationship while discounting her, albeit, slow efforts because of this one issue. I really can't tell if I'm the asshole here or it's really just a lose lose situation no matter how good of a guy I'm trying to be. Give me some perspective and advice if you have it please! Thanks!
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zBfJDiz4owb8md2nhSjVypye0mv7KOdm | axh062 | {
"description": "being upset that my ex-wife is eloping with my therapist",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA (29m) for being upset that my ex-wife (29f) is eloping with my therapist? | Nearly a year ago I was feeling unsatisfied in my marriage. I realized I was not attracted to my wife and began questioning my sexuality. I was seduced by my now-boyfriend and began a physical relationship with him. However, since we have a 10-year-old son together, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and I felt afraid to come out as gay to my wife and child, I felt it was best to keep this a secret from her, rather than divorce her. This was admittedly an asshole move from me.
Well, eventually she found out about the affair. Of course she wanted a divorce; however, we did not separate for some time. I had managed to introduce and integrate my boyfriend into our household, and he did the cooking for our family as a favor to her. He and my son have a good relationship. Even though I thought she would appreciate it she wasn't very happy about this arrangement, presumably because she cannot get over my infidelity.
I suggested to my wife that she see the therapist that I also see to discuss her feelings because I felt he had been very helpful with me. Due to confidentiality reasons I don't know exactly what they talked about, but in the following session I had with him, he asked about my wife. He was not exactly professional about it and his body language and the way he spoke implied he was attracted to her. I decided to let this slide.
Our son has also had issues with acting out and social withdrawal in the midst of the divorce. For whatever reason my wife decided he should see the same therapist we are seeing. He visited our house for dinner a few times.
However, I was not aware that they actually had a romantic relationship until he suddenly announced they had proposed. Apparently my son supports it... he has taken my wife's side in the divorce. The therapist has ended his professional relationship with me to avoid conflict of interest issues. I can't help but be very upset about this. I feel like I have been betrayed by both him and her. Even though I was not sexually attracted to my ex-wife I do care about her very much and I doubt my therapist has her best interests in mind. Furthermore this is probably going to be the talk of the neighborhood and it will destroy my public image as well as mock me by reminding me that I failed to love her as much as a paid professional. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
EuWxtw3FqKvWq9osb2gxy2YKf7d70yB6 | b0rwwr | {
"description": "asking somebody to stop saying stuff like \"God bless you\" to me",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for asking somebody to stop saying stuff like "God bless you" to me? | There's this girl I chat with online sometimes. We're not close or anything, we just talk occasionally, and overall, she's really nice.
She knows I'm an atheist, but almost every time we talk, she says stuff like "God bless you" or "I'll pray for you" or even something like "Hopefully you'll find Jesus soon!"
She has good intentions, I guess, but it just bugs me that she keeps saying this stuff when she is fully aware that I'm not religious. The way I see it, if she wants to pray for me, she can do that without having to let me know every time we speak to each other. It feels like she's just disrespecting my beliefs (or rather, lack thereof.)
So, WIBTA for asking her to stop, or am I just getting upset over nothing? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
zKf8hS0dwnfue9UO6hXyyjicqw6GJ8Xn | avhkzo | {
"description": "addressing partner's road rage",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for addressing partner's road rage? | So imagine the typical situation when another driver won't let you over. My boyfriend drives until the lane ends and looks to get over but there's a car in the way so he speeds up in the hopes to get in front of them. The other car speeds up, keeping him from merging forcing him to slam on his brakes, and merge behind the said offender. As the car ahead of us is breaking because they are coming up on a third car, my boyfriend continues to accelerate aggressively so he can tailgate the offender who would not let them over.
As my boyfriend keeps accelerating, I feel my right foot slam the invisible brake and I yelled 'stop' about three times before he slammed on his brakes, only because we we about to collide with the car in front of us.
After we came to a stop, my boyfriend began tearing into me that I was being so irrational and I was completely safe the entire time because he has been driving for 15 years and at top speeds of 150mph (I don't even know what he is referring to and I didn't even ask). I told him it scared me but he continued to yell about how I should trust him and we were only going 45mph at our top speed. He said I need to stop being the 'backseat driver.'
Did I completely overreact? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KjiX8JnB5c3N5dKfnfLJ5hfqY1pUeOIk | af7r8y | {
"description": "not fully satisfying my girlfriend in bed cause it causes me big discomfort",
"pronormative_score": 92,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not fully satisfying my girlfriend in bed cause it causes me big discomfort? | NSFW ,duh.
A little context for this. I met thia girl around 5 months ago near my job location and she's a really nice girl. As someone who has some confidence issues when talking,especially to women, she really makes me comfortable and is incresibly umderstanding. I couldn't ask for a better girlfriend. There's just one thing that bothers me.
(And this is where it turns NSFW) As it turns out,she likes to do a lot of kinky stuff in the bedroom. At first it was a tame,stuff like blindfolds,little rough action here or there,nothing crazy. But later on she brough more and more stuff. She really likes whips,handcuffs and other more robust sex toys that I just can't stand. I get super uncomfortable of she starts using any of those things and the sex turns really poorly. I tried to say that I l'm not comfortable with it,but she ignored me.
The culmination of this came when I found out the hard way she really likes puttung fingers in someone elses assholes. When she pushed her two fingers in my asshole the pain was unbearable and I had to stop. I was angry at her that she keeps doing this ahit that I'm not comfortable with.
Her response was that I should just grow up and don't make a big deal out of it. She said that partners always sacrifice for eachother even if it's uncomfortable to the other party. She said that she does everything she can to please me in bed even if it's uncomfortable to her(though I can't say for aure if that's true). But that got me thinking,does she have a point? AITA for not wanting fully pleasure my partner if it makes me super uncomfortable?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 92,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 92,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jZNQPp2OykUOfUcFpCHwCF4iMlbjOaOZ | anqk5v | {
"description": "blasting my subwoofers in my own parking spot during non quiet hours at my apartment complex",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 408
} | AITA for blasting my subwoofers in my own parking spot during non quiet hours at my apartment complex? | Posting from a throwaway for whatever reason, just don't want this to blend into my other subs.
So basically my car is my life. I have a tuned Subaru Impreza WRX STI that is my hobby, my transportation, my life, I'm more comfortable behind the wheel than I am in my own bed. Its not quite as fast as I want it but it looks amazing and the sound system is seriously as good as it can be.
I live in a large apartment complex in Tucson, I'm guessing probably 100 units or so. Not sure. Anyways the complex is really cool because a lot of places won't let you work on your car, well I can pay an extra premium every month to get a mechanics spot under shade. It's an extra 2 bills a month but so worth it.
When I work on my car I BLAST my system. It helps me think and focus. Also important to note our complex has quiet hours between and 10pm and 8am, I follow these to the letter but I do need to work on my car so some Saturday's and Sunday's I crank shit from 8:01am to 9:59pm. I am not breaking any rules at all.
I moved in in January and this Sunday was apparently a major problem. I had two people ask me to turn it down. I totally did but one came back and said its not the volume, it's the bass, can I turn the bass down. I said I would try but I guess that wasn't good enough because he came down a third time. Finally I told him I paid for the spot, I wasn't breaking any rules, I'd only be out there until 10pm. He said his kids had to go to bed at 8:30 and the bass from my car was rattling his walls. I told him I'd done my best to accommodate him but I was done. He told me he'd call the police (who never showed) and talk to management. I just stopped responding to him and cranked my system to drown our his barking. I worked on my car until 9:59 when I turned my system off.
I got an email from my apartment manager asking if she could come by. She's really cool and I want to help her but I feel like I'm paying extra for the mechanics spot, I'm not breaking any rules and that guy had no right to talk to me like that. She said she managed a nice place and she's gotten complaint after complaint about my car. I told her I was sorry but I was still well within my rights and not breaking rules. She asked me to please consider for her sake using headphones Or earbuds if music is that important to me. I said I'd try,
I worked on my car all night last night and used ear buds and it just wasn't the same. I spent thousands of dollars and so much time to tune my system perfectly and to not use it when I want sucks. I want to help her out but am I even being an asshole in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 406,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 408
} | WRONG |
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