id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
9IzTD35qiYO2EWCgbzEOUTUc08V1kPc5 | 9xt3kh | {
"description": "dumping my addict ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for dumping my addict ex? | My ex \[18M\] and I \[20F\] were friends for about 2.5 years before we started dating in February. It was one of those "will they, won't they" friendships, and our whole friend group approved of it when we made it official. We seemed compatible in terms of future wants and needs. We talked about getting married after college and he was supportive of my unconventional career choice.
Over the summer we got pretty physically close but never had sex. We are both religious and drew the line that below the belt was off limits. I have a very low sex drive (later found out I have PCOS) so I didn't mind. He has a much higher sex drive and often asked me if we could make out, once took my shirt off without asking, and talked about my body more than any other aspect of me. I don't mind kissing but he didn't take 'no' for an answer if I wasn't up for it so I just caved and let him kiss me. I didn't realize this wasn't healthy at the time.
At the start of October he told me he'd been addicted to pornography for the last five years, consuming it almost every day. As mentioned before we are both religious so the thought of him getting off to other women bothered me. I told him I would work on rebuilding the relationship if he got professional help for it, either from a counselor or pastor. He told me he would "if I wanted \[him\] to." A couple weeks went by and he didn't seek help for it, seemed like he was ignoring the fact that it ever happened. He told my brother and that's about it.
It bothers me because his perception of sex is likely very inaccurate, and any time I look at pictures of him I know what was going on in the background. I personally have never viewed porn and it is something I'm not comfortable with in a significant other. I figured because he is religious that it wasn't going to be an issue. When we first got together I mentioned that porn wasn't something I approved of, but we never discussed it.
About two weeks after he told me, I broke up with him over text. That's the part I feel bad about. Granted, most of our communication was over text and we didn't see each other in person very frequently after fall semester started. I should have called him or met up, but I wanted to be able to control what I say through written words rather than verbal.
AITA for not being physical enough? AITA for dumping him? AITA for not being comfortable with pornography? Please let me know. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
vI2XTmM4dn49VoHohNDosSjQBdhLoiKv | amcibl | {
"description": "calling out my work to use more inclusive terms",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for calling out my work to use more inclusive terms? | So here this, I have several disabilties resulting in me being able to only work parttime. Because of this, my boss doesn't want me on field work because they deem that I cannot deliver "continuity". I totally do not agree with that reasoning, but that is an entirely different story. This is important to know though.
Now, I have the type of contract where they are not obliged to give me hours to work. I have bo idea what this is called in English so I'll just liteally translate the Dutch contract name to English: a zero hours contract. There are about 7 others at my job with this type of contract.
Now yesterday, there was a course for "all zero hour contractors". That would include me, except it didn't because it was a field course and they are not going to educate me on something I can't make them earn the investment back (not that O agree since I *want* to also work in the field). Thing is, they have been going around all day calling it the "zero hours contractors course". They tried to do it behind my back because they all knew I wasn't included but I'm not deaf of course so I heard it all.
It all felt like the middle school type of bullying where you're purposely not included. And in this case, I know that was indirectly and unjustly caused by my disabilities. They just decided for me that I cannot do fieldwork. Even though I did fieldwork for them before back when I was still an intern and keep saying I want and can do fieldwork. It feels like discrimination and bullying that they kept using the term that should include me, but didn't anyway.
So, would I be the asshole for calling out my managers on this and ask them to use a different term for courses like that in the future? Like "field work course"? I mean, that would still hurt because I still *want* to be included but at least my coworkers don't have to feel like they need to hide from me when talking about it because they know I am not included in something the name suggests I should.
I really want to know if IWBTA here because if IATA I probably would'nt get any more projects either leaving me essentialy out a job so I need some perspective because this really, really hurt my feelings. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UsrQIkiV7t0Vr8WCt9dEjvf0KF0JUX9g | aj3nx9 | {
"description": "not wanting to speak to extended family",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to speak to extended family? | I'm going to try to keep this concise as its not too big of a situation, but I like writing so no promises. Also, sorry about mobile formatting.
I'm a 19 year old guy, that might be relevant to some of you when making your judgement. So my family is pretty traditionalist, especially my dad. I value tradition and am conservative myself, but being raised in Canada has made me see things a bit differently than they do. So the scene is Christmas Eve, and as per usual my parents Skype their families (almost all of my extended family lives in Poland, so thats our only form of communication) to wish them a Merry Chrsitmas and talk for a bit. Usually I'd join in, but this year I really wasn't feeling it, so as soon as my dad motioned for me to come to the computer, I instead went upstairs.
Reason for this is twofold: First, I haven't seen any of that family in 4 years (that was the last time we flew to Poland), so I feel we grew apart naturally. Second, when I was in Poland, I tried my best to engage with my cousins and talk about stuff, but because of the language barrier (I understand Polish perfectly, but speak it very poorly) and different interests, they didn't seem especially interested in talking to me. My uncles, aunts, and grandparents talked to me more, but that was just the standard "so how's life, how's school" type of thing, just felt artificial. I spent most of that trip just with my brother.
So essentially, I feel like these people are my family in name only. I don't care about them, don't want to waste my time talking to them. I have 2 cousins that live in Chicago with whom I talk to fairly often (no language barrier, I can relate to them fairly well, and I visit them once a year, even by myself if my parents can't make the trip), I'm super close to my parents, and my brother is my best friend. I feel like that's family enough for me, and I have close friends that I'd sooner call family than the Poland people.
Now the asshole part. After the Skype call was over, my dad stormed into my room and yelled, saying he was deeply offended that I wouldn't talk to his family, and that he didn't raise me to be such a bum(?) My parents and I speak Ukrainian, so the insults he hurled at me were in Ukrainian and I'm not sure if that's an appropriate translation, it means something like that but a bit more derogatory. His reaction came as a total surprise to me. I expected he'd be unhappy, but I don't see it as such a big deal. I promised I'd join the call next time to get him to calm down. We've since reconciled, but it's been on my mind, I feel guilty but don't really want to adjust my belief on this.
Should I try to put on a show for my dad and be nice to these people? Should I genuinely try to build a relationship with them? Should I put my foot down? Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
BZFEFysbEhdQZGXnWIUgN3NAgTaijfcP | aflub1 | {
"description": "not taking down my wind-chime",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA if I don’t take down my wind-chime? | I received a letter in our mailbox from our new next door neighbor today. The letter politely asks us to take down a wind-chime we have on our back porch that has been there for 2/3 years because it “disturbs” their sleep since they decided to use the bedroom closest to our back porch as their bedroom (~30/35ft distance between the chime and the window of their room). It’s quite a nice wind-chime; it’s on the larger side and metal - cost me over $200. Not a cheap item, and the sole purpose of buying it was to place it on the back porch. Before hanging it, I asked the neighbor living there at the time if they would be bothered - they said not at all, so up it went.
I absolutely love it. My backyard is my oasis - my chime, bird-feeders, hanging plants, and we have a 11x16ft 5k gallon koi pond with a large waterfall feature (which is currently off because it is winter - but could be argued is even louder than the wind-chime when running).
This neighbor has only been living next door to us for ~3/4 months - so it was there while he looked at buying the next door property, it WAS NOT added after he moved in.
I’m looking at the situation like this:
Our chime was in full view (our fence is only 4ft tall) while he looked at the neighboring property.
He decided to pick the bedroom closest to our back porch (approximately 30/35ft away) as his bedroom, knowing the wind-chime was there.
I also wonder if they have tried other options to lessen the sound, or if the first action was just to ask us to remove it....?
If we take it down, we have a really nice $200 wind-chime that basically becomes worthless. I don’t want it hanging in our house, or on our front porch because 1.) our kids would tear it up if we had it inside and defeats the purpose of a WIND-chime, 2.) easy to steal on the front porch since it just lifts off of a hook, and 3.) we don’t spend much time in our front yard during the summer - our time is mainly spent in our backyard with our kids, and we wouldn’t get enjoyment out of it there.
I’m willing to move the chime another 20ft to the other side of our porch if that will give them some relief, but I feel like asking me to take it down isn’t a reasonable request, because to me, I feel like I’m being asked to change things about my property that were there long before this person moved in and eat the $200 price-tag.
I don’t want to be an asshole neighbor, but I also don’t want to take down something that was expensive and brings me joy because someone new moved in. We’ve been here for 6 yrs and the chime has been here for 2 or 3yrs.
My husband and I plan on talking to them to try to reach a compromise, but I need to decide what my line in the sand here is.
So, reddit, WIBTA if I kept my wind-chime? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
8nx7ABtL7IsziGriCtRj0lhwfiikyPfw | b3nqdo | {
"description": "expressing my opinions",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for expressing my opinions? | I am an atheist and my mother-in-law is a hardcore Christian. She spent years trying to convert me to "save" me and I always kept my mouth shut. I never spoke about religion or politics as a sign of respect.
This woman has done many evils to me. To get her mad, I made a book of faces post about being pro-choice and that prayers were just talk. She didn't respond, but I know she saw it. My marriage counselor (in the nicest way possible) said I was the asshole for it. I still feel good expressing myself and letting this woman know that I'm raising her only grandbaby with my values. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
DMRjakCo1Z8CNGcWKjI8dpdPWJhfzeco | au3rbh | {
"description": "taking a lunch break",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for taking a lunch break? | So last night my grandmother (92) was brought to the hospital with chest pain, blue lips & very low oxygen levels. At about 3:30am she was rushed to another hospital as her lung collapsed. I was scheduled to work from 6am to 6pm.
When I got to work, I asked my supervisor if I could go to the hospital to see her (since it was not busy at the time, and there were a plethora of people available). The response I got was to "change and go home for the day", however I decided to be the team player and say "no its okay I don't think I'll spend the whole day there".
​
I spent about 5 hours at the hospital until my mom came so now there was somebody else with my grandmother, so I left and went back to work. When I returned to work it was just as busy as it was at 6am, still just as many people available. I decided to take my lunch break.
​
My lunch break was cut short as my supervisor said what I did was unacceptable as I was "given an inch and I took a mile", I decided to cut my break short from 90 minutes and went back to work after only 30 minutes as I don't want to get on my supervisors bad side.
There was no work for me to do, and there were an abundance of people available on the off chance that something DID come up.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
GqqHlIjbXFmSEy0ScSBxqMNRKy8UlppF | a3i1ja | {
"description": "not inviting my Sister-in-Law's Scummy Boyfriend to Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not Inviting My Sister-in-Law's Scummy Boyfriend to Christmas? | My husband and I offered to host family Christmas because my sister-in-law, let's call her Jane, usually hosts it but doesn't cook, insists my mother-in-law cook, and overwhelms my MIL with her self-absorbed behaviour.
Jane has two children, but neither of their fathers are in the picture. Instead, two weeks ago, Jane got back together with an old boyfriend who *may* have been abusive. I'm not sure, all I know is my (sane) brother-in-law once kicked him out of his house and got into a fist fight with him. This was like two or three years ago.
I personally I have not met this guy, let's call him Joe. But, Jane always has some kind of abusive/slimy/or pathetic guy hanging around. Her second kid is literally a result of her lying to a poor guy to get his sperm. She's obviously a horrible person, but we'd really like to have a relationship with her kids. That being said, experience has taught us Joe is probably an absolutely awful person.
We knew Jane was with Joe when we planned Christmas, but specifically didn't invite him along. We heard that Joe ruined my nephew's birthday party by bringing his (Joe's) mother who had some kind of argument/insulting match with my own mother in law. I don't know specifics. My husband refuses to go to those events and we took our nephew out for his birthday separately.
We just got a call from my father-in-law about how Jane is upset that Joe was not invited. FIL asked my husband if he would like it if I were excluded from Christmas. Jane has allowed me to come every year, despite not liking me very much. Husband argued it's different because we're married and have been together for nine years, while Joe could be gone in a week. Plus he doesn't want the drama of Joe being around. FIL responds that because I was always welcome, even when we first got together, we should extend the same courtesy to Joe.
Father-in-law has informed us that Jane, her two kids, and Joe, will not be coming to Christmas. Husband feels like that's fine. But I'm not so sure we've done the right thing anymore. Yeah, Jane is horrible. But we've never even met Joe.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XrBSgGoxquhT0zRNdD2Ei2nAbbCOVkj4 | ajl7zo | {
"description": "wanting to know about my fiancé's past before we get married",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for wanting to know about my fiancé’s past before we get married? | My fiancé has told me, in not so many words, that a family member sexually abused him as a child. He claims he’s never really told anyone and he wouldn’t tell me who it was. I got the impression that it’s someone I know, or have met. The way he talked about it gave me the idea that he didn’t want to stir the family pot by fessing up. Again, no specifics though, he wouldn’t tell me anything else.
That was over a year ago. Tonight, we were telling each other stories from our childhood. I just tried to bring it up gently, asking if he was willing to talk about it, and he said, “Why would you ask me about that? I’ll come to you if I want to talk about it.”
This will be our third year together and I’m concerned that he hasn’t talked about it at all. I’m pretty confident that he may not have ever mentioned it again if I hadn’t asked. We have a great relationship, save for some anger issues on his end (can’t talk about much in-depth stuff or question his logic without frustration or resignation) but he’s never remotely been physically aggressive or sexually forceful towards me. He does seem to like being sexually deviant or into “weird shit” (define at your own discretion) but nothing harmful or masochistic. He’s a big, strong guy, and always has the persona of being “in charge”. He’s very anti-therapist, having been to quite a few , and apparently never meeting one he felt comfortable with, nor gained or any benefit from.
My worry is that a) he’s dealing with something that’s really gonna wear on him (and in turn, us) over time, b) our future children are going to potentially be around someone in his family who is abusive and I won’t know, even if he does, and c) I feel as though I’ve told him everything about myself, including assaults and family trauma in my past and, while I recognize that it’s very hard to talk about, it’s important to me to go into our marriage without secrets, especially big ones like this.
We’re planning on a long engagement, so there’s no impending date to worry about, but I obviously want to marry him, and I hate the idea of being not fully aware of who he is and what he’s gone through.
Was I wrong for bringing it up a year later? Should I let it go? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
PiIVwLpoE36DvoQixQDbW4748byQLAZH | a4ykgt | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend to shave her toes and fingers",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 30
} | AITA for asking my girlfriend to shave her toes and fingers? | Girlfriend and I have been dating like 4 months. She’s a beautiful woman and I’m very attracted to her. The thing is, she’s a bit hairy. She shaves or using cream on most things to deal with this. But for whatever reason, she doesn’t remove the hair on her toes and fingers.
Oddly enough, I noticed the toes first. I wouldn’t say I have a foot fetish but I do like to touch girl’s feet if I’m having sex sometimes. I was considering sucking on them but then I noticed...that. And so I just skipped over it. Then I looked at her fingers too and noticed she has hair in similar places there.
We’re usually fairly blunt with each other so one day I just asked if she could shave them. I could tell I offended her/hurt her feelings. She said no one has ever said anything about it before. And I was like “well maybe they didn’t wanna hurt your feelings?” After that she called me a jerk and that was the end of that conversation.
I don’t know. Is it that bad that I asked her to shave? I realize it’s ultimately her choice. I just thought I would let her know because it is a slight turn off... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 30
} | WRONG |
HSMDxuOnqtGuF99swYyp0IMWfsrGTk3F | afd718 | {
"description": "being disappointed in not recieving a gift from my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being disappointed in not recieving a gift from my boyfriend? | I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. He's great in most regards but sometimes I feel like he takes me for granted. Come Christmas time, without fail, I will get him a gift of some kind but he won't get me anything. He'll get gifts for his parents, his 6 siblings, just not me. It's the same for birthdays, he'll buy stuff for his mates, family, never me. I sort of don't know what to say when his parents ask me what he got me.
It's not a money issue, we both earn more than most, plus I would be happy with literally anything (like when my ex gave me a pretty stone he found at the beach). It's that he doesn't feel he needs to do anything for me that hurts a bit. He's said a couple of times "he doesn't know what to get me" so I tried dropping really obvious hints (eg here's some $10 steel necklaces I like, I'd love to have something like that that you gave me). His memory is shit so it wouldn't surprise me if he forgets any hints I give him.
We don't really go on dates or anything anymore either since I usually just cook at home.
Am I an asshole for expecting something, anything? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
78qhCi7tOKGn8LrAvD8vPjSrZFjGlLJk | ambq58 | {
"description": "not being supportive of BF's mom's engagement",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not being supportive of BF's mom's engagement? | My boyfriend (early30sM) and I (mid20sF) have been together for around 3 years and have lived almost that whole time. Let's call him Cory. Cory and I moved in with his mother (late50s) in June last year. Let's call her Carol. We did it so we could save some money and we knew it was just until she retired in about 3 years.
A little about Carol. She's been divorced twice and is from a small town where they're a little more country than we are here in the suburbs. She told us and Cory's sister (late20s) and brother-in-law (late 20s) that she would never marry again. Let's call them Amy and Rory. She said that in June right after we had all moved in together.
The very next day she's talking to a new guy. He's the same age as her. They actually went to high school together, dated then and went to prom together. This was over 40 years ago and they haven't talked since. Let's call him Frank.
In these last 40ish years, Franks also been married and divorced and has 3 daughters of his own and now grandkids too. He does drywalling or something of that sort. Frank has lived in that same small town ever since
Carol's giddy like a school girl and Frank seems to make her happy so were happy for her. He reminds her of home, they have a song together, and she gets along with his kids great. It seems fine.
Soon enough he's coming up and spending the weekend at our house. No biggie. Cory and I are happy to get to know Frank. But then it's next weekend she's down in their home town and then he's back here. For a weekend then a few days then a week and soon enough he's visiting his home on the weekends and staying here the rest of the time.
When this first started happening, Carol asked Cory and I about how we felt about Frank moving in with us. We respectfully told her we didn't feel comfortable with it. They had only been together 3 or 4 months, we didn't know him very well, and we didn't feel comfortable with their drinking habits (neither of us drink, Cory's been sober for over 3.5 years now).
But Frank still kept staying here. And we have noticed a quite a change with Carol. She usually very social and goes out with her friends very regularly and now she stays in and seems to be even avoiding some of her friends. She rarely talks to us anymore but is constantly calling or texting or FaceTime Frank's daughters. She's been really disconnecting from us. Not just Cory and I but Amy and Rory too.
Her plan for the longest time was to move closer to Amy and Rory after retirement as Cory and I eventually planned on moving up there too. Carol's always talked about being a grandmother. But the other day she told my mother that the only reason Amy wants her to move closer is because she wants Carol to be a babysitter. "I am absolutely NOT doing that." Now her plans are to move back to Carol and Franks hometown after she retires. 6 hours away from where all her kids will be living.
Well, this Christmas, he proposed. She said yes.
8 months ago she said she would never get married again.
8 months ago, Carol's father told her to never let go of her son, that he'll always be her rock. After she got engaged, he told her it's time to cut him off and cut him out.
We all expressed our concerns about the engagement to her. The fact that they had only been together 6 months, the fact that he was basically homeless and unemployed when he proposed to her, and that they haven't actually known each other for 42 years. That a lot has happened and a lot has changed that you haven't seen.
2 months into their realtionship, he had already asked for Carol's father's permission to marry her. After that happened Carol told Cory that Frank wanted his Blessing too. He never asked for it and never even discussed it with him. But what Cory did ask is that they wait until he was able to propose to me. As we're not engaged yet, they clearly didn't respect that request.
After that initial conversation about Frank moving in, he still moved in anyway. And now, Carol asks us almost every day when we're moving out, even though the lease isn't up til June.
She's pushed us all away. She barely talks to us and we live with her. I can't imagine how Amy and Rory. And when we confronted her about the engagement, she got extremely defensive and didn't talk to any of the four of us for 2 weeks about it.
We want to be happy for her. We truly do. But she's jumping into this too quickly. She makes good money and it kind of seems he's just trying to leech off of her retirement. He's out of work right now, is living on unemployment benefits, and definitely is not actively looking for employment. And his lease was up one week after he proposed.
So are we the assholes for not supporting them?
Tl;Dr Mother's getting married after only dating for 6 months. Are we the assholes for not supporting them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
jsoLbvY4SUQQxjs3CDsWbSQ7Hgmlts4d | b0vzpf | {
"description": "embarrassing my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for embarrassing my friend? | My friend Jesse and I who knew eachother for about 6 years prior to working in the same dealership have recently had a "falling out" and she has been giving me the cold shoulder and basically speaking to me like a stranger since this occurred.
Jesse is kind of qwerky and likes to say weird things to amuse others, such as: "I don't like beans, I just eat them so they cant eat me first" etc etc.
So from this, our receptionist put up sticky notes in the lunch room with quotes of this weird stuff she says and everyone loves it, she seemed 100% cool with it. I find it really funny.
I was emailing Jesse last week about how hungry I was and couldnt wait for lunch, she responded with "Me too, I just took a big crap and considering taking a bite." I was not expecting such a morbid response so I laughed really hard and decided to send it to our receptionist to put up. The receptionist couldn't believe it and thought it was fake until i showed her the email and she laughed at it too. So she put it up in the lunch room. Jesse wasn't a big fan of this but didnt really care. Then I thought of a few other funny but waaay more tame things i should get put in the lunch room so i sent them to the receptionist too. She was crying from laughing so hard at the things i sent her but hadn't put them up. Jesse found out and was furious at me. She was really upset about it but continued back to work ignoring me.
I realized maybe I took it too far because she has anxiety and worries a lot about what others think of her So I decided to have the receptionist take down all of the stickies in the lunch room as Jesse wasnt happy with me at all. I called her that evening and said i was really sorry and offered to take her out shopping. She basically said thank you for saying sorry and that was it.
She now talks to me like a co-worker she just met and pretends we aren't friends. I understand i hurt her feelings but why is she throwing our friendship out the window like it means nothing? Things actually ended better for her since we totally got rid of ALL the stickes but she is treating it like I stole her husband from her.
Am I as big of an asshole as she thinks I am? Or maybe is her anxiety distorting her view of the situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
EeOrrjXt1PNNv1SbIqpVOXknX35T6SGX | b19y6r | {
"description": "confronting my gf abt her being rude",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for confronting my gf abt her being rude |
So this past week Emily has been having a bad week. She’s been doing a lot and has had a lot on her plate according to her. Emily has been very moody this week. One second she’s dying to get my attention the next she’s ignoring me. I understand and didn’t say anything about it and kept a positive attitude.
So Emily is planning this event out which is happening in the summer time and at first I wasn’t very enthusiastic about it until this week where she’s finalizing everything for the event. So we’re on the phone and i had recently found out some good news for this event. I’m excited to tell Emily and as I’m telling her she fully shuts me off on it with a “shutup I don’t wanna hear about this” with a belittling tone. I was dying to tell this girl these good news and in return i got a response i was not expecting. So i said okay and hang up the phone. Emily starts texting me I’m a such a dramatic person etc... At this point I let her know that she’s been very rude to me the last couple of days and that was just my last straw I couldn’t just let her slide. Emily responds that she’s having a bad day and why can’t i just let her have her bad days. I let her know that even if I’m having bad days i never talk to or act a rude way towards her and Emily responds that she’s not me. We talk things out and make ends meet.
The next day Emily was good the whole day. Until the night time when she just got upset out of nowhere. I tried to comfort her and she’s afraid to talk to me bc she feels like all she does is upset me then comfort me. I let her know that’s it’s okay and that everyone has bad days i love her regardless it’s nothing and just temporary. We don’t talk for a while until i ask her is everything fine and she seems really down with a following question asking if it’s me? Emily responds back not everything is abt you and that everything is always about me 24/7 and I’m just simply that type of a person.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
4YNLvDNHyo3VVduu1Q0xAWURp0agNnfc | af9krw | {
"description": "not wanting a third child",
"pronormative_score": 150,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting a third child? | AITA for not wanting a third child?
My SO and I have two beautiful, smart, and wonderful children. I had very difficult pregnancies and postpartum was an even bigger nightmare. I was diagnosed with PPD after our first child was born and then PPD+anxiety after the birth of our second. I was a SAHM and my husband works long hours and helps with the children when he can, however the bulk of the responsibility falls on me. And it is hard work too. They are pretty close in age. I do all the housework, including mowing the lawn and home maintenance.
Recently, after our youngest started preschool, I have been able to go back to work and I have been the happiest I have been in 10 years. I am self employed so I can schedule work while still being there for my children — which is very important to me. I was even able to take my family on vacation using only money I earned working. It felt great.
SO and I have been in couples therapy and having a third child is a huge point of contention. He claims to be miserable and depressed over the fact that we have not had another child yet.
Yesterday, during our session, he announced that he might have to consider divorce if i do not give birth again. The therapist seemed to be taking his side and assured him that wont be necessary to consider because once I work through my “little traumas” she is sure everything will work out for us. It is being presented that I am holding his life’s dreams up and “gatekeeping his happiness.” I feel terrible and hopeless as if I have zero choices. I dont want to destroy his dream of a large family (something we both talked about years ago before we got married). And I do not wish to destroy our family by divorce simply because I cant handle having more kids.
But I also want to be happy and I feel selfish. I spent yesterday after the session having a panic attack until it was time to pickup carpool after school. I feel like a complete asshole, especially because some of what the therapist said. I hate myself. But I am also angry and hurt and going through a lot of emotions.
Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 150,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 150,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
EsufKY8SxE8fg7F1Cjsb0Q4fCYsC4k0V | a1xk9u | {
"description": "telling an adult about my friend's problems",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling an adult about my friend's problems | My friend is a beautiful girl, but she is depressed. She cuts herself and keeps talking about wanting to die. Me and the rest of my group of friends got tired of living on the constant pressure that she might really kill herself. She has problems at home: Her parents are divorced, she lives with her dad (Wich got her phone and read all of her messages), her mother thinks she doesn't like her, etc.
As I was saying, we got fed up and went to the principal's office, and she passed us to the schools psicologist. She said that she would try and help, but now I'm feeling guilty
TL;DR: Me and my friends told the school's psicologist about my other friend's problems and now I'm feeling guilty | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AKQEryNnPcMgdksxsXD4YO2FtGdYG7KH | b4rso7 | {
"description": "refusing to talk with extended family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to talk with extended family? | So this happened years ago.
My parents occasionally plan to go to their origin country for vacation. I've been there about 3-4 times now and I despise being there. I won't say the country's name because I don't want people pointing out the few "pros" or defending it because that's not what it's about.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the place where my parents came from but it is a crippled country. (Currently in war over religious issues). Trash is EVERYWHERE and the place is so freaking hot, I have gotten seriously ill on my periods because of it. The place is filled with bugs and spiders, water taste odd and I don't trust it, beds are literally tables with cloth on it, the bathrooms are in inhumane condition, etc.
I don't get to choose to go, and the last time I had to go there I begged not to go. Mind you this vacation takes about 2-3 MONTHS and that's basically my entire summer vacation drained!
I had to along side my young siblings. Heck, we got kicked off the first flight because my sister was crying.
Once there I could not STAND talking with (I kid you not) 100s of relatives. I have a freakin big and talkative extended family. I PLEADED my dad to take me home. I have an irrational fear of being home alone but it was better than this surprise "vacation" I was forced to go to. He refused.
I was (and still am) an introverted, mentally fragile, and disturbed being. My parents forced me to talk, travel in the polluted air, use the bug-invaded filthy bathroom, wear uncomfortable clothing. If I didn't I'd be berated, forcibly dragged out, etc.
I broke down. Suffering from depression my parents refused to treat besides with prayers I could not catch a break. I've had severe "end it" thoughts and attempts round 24/7. I would be dead if I didn't have access to the correct tools at that time.
So I refused speaking with my extended family. I became a mess. I went beyond my breaking point.
Mind you, I was in a country who spoke an entirely different language. I can't speak correctly if it were to save my life.
I was hospitalized when my body came in immense pain during the stressful environments (unsuccessfully adapting to it) and pure dehydration on my heavy period.
AITA for cutting out my extended family for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KkdBuZFgyN28YO3DeNflwfd2Snl470jF | avllyd | {
"description": "trying to give a friend brutally honest college advise",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for trying to give a friend brutally honest college advise? | I’m currently a senior in high school ready for college. I’ve done a ton of research over tons of school and have applied to multiple colleges so I feel I know a bit more than some of my classmates.
A friend of mine was telling me about how she was planning to apply to a pretty prestigious college. This college really only accepts the top 10% of classes with the occasional high SAT student or a good athlete. They are also known for being very pricey and stingy with scholarships.
The friend is not in the top 10% of our class and does not have the greatest scores but is a good dedicated student. I told her with a school like that it’s a bit of a toss up to her. I told her to really focus on her application essays because I have seen those make or break a student and offered to let her read some of my essays or proof read hers. I also told her to apply to multiple schools because it’s just more opportunities and invited her to apply for the college I plan on attending.
The next two days after this conversation I was gone on a college trip and returned to school on Monday. There was a lot of ignoring and whispering among students so I knew something was up. I went to lunch and everything unfolded.
Basically the entire lunch table ganged up on me and explained how shitty and insensitive I was. They all said that I said the friend was stupid which I never said. They said that as friends we should only uplift and believe each other can do anything. I explain that I didn’t believe that was right and that I like to be honest. I would rather have someone give it to me straight rather than blowing smoke up my ass and watching me fail. They replied that whoever taught me that was okay to think had “wronged” me and that my friend had parents to tell her the truth and I should just support her.
I apologize to my friend and offered to talk it out or just leave her alone. She wanted to just drop it. This led to me losing some friends and constantly fearing more will leave because people talk and rumors spread. Am I the one in the wrong here? Was what I said insensitive? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
aUYJ2AJrDlAz5zfh4sTgDFEv6leuAXd2 | afucrw | {
"description": "hitting a kid in my school after he verbally bullied me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA For hitting a kid in my school after he verbally bullied me? | So basically, the kid was just annoying the hell out of me but he never touched me and I got mad and punched him. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
g9a34NicvrAc5rJAXD1QI5jptC1bfidH | b77dng | {
"description": "hating my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For hating my grandmother | First time posting, just started reading some of the posts here, and seeing as ya'll have solid judgement, I'll tell my story.
For ease of reading my mother is M, grandmother is GM, Grandfather is GF, and father is D.
GM was raised in Mexico and is extremely racist, to the degree that when M was younger GM would berate M for being slightly darker than her cousins and classmates. M has [Meniere's disease](https://www.healthyhearing.com/help/tinnitus/menieres-disease) and now whenever she gets overworked or really tired she ends up bedridden for about full day.
Thats just background info the meat and potatoes start about 2 months ago when GF first went to the hospital. She decided around that time to leave for Mexico, cause "If he dies there I can't be in that house alone" she spends her time there partying, and discovers facebook where now she is compelled to put out every single thought and feeling she has. When she comes back GF is still bouncing in and out of the hospital and everyone is preparing for the end. While GM lives near M she starts demanding M do things like take her shopping, read her mail, get her groceries, and basically take care of everything pertaining to GFs death. After so many years being married to D now GM starts getting on M case about the decision to marry D and move to America, M being WAY too nice for her own good does everything GM asks. Emotional stress and overworking finally hits M like a truck and she ends up bedridden a full week, after a few days D takes M's phone and iPad, because GM was constantly calling, messaging, and face-timing demanding stuff or complaining that she isn't getting any help. My sister has been sent over a few times to take care of M. Now it's just this past week, I've got a provisional license so I can drive with an adult that has their license, now I've been tasked with driving her around, all while she tells me to be grateful she took care of herself and she is still alive, and that if GF had been a better person he'd still be alive. I'm a high schooler taking a few college classes and I'm having a hard time keeping up whilst constantly taking care of GM but I'd rather do it than M who is also in college. GM also frequently tells me and my sister that we need to either marry white people or white looking Mexicans, and that we should never be in a relationship with another black person or any asian people. GM now has taking to badmouthing my new aunt that my uncle married while my grandfather was around. GM threatens to move to Texas with her gall pals if she isn't taken care of and almost daily mentions that we should all be grateful she is alive.
TL;DR AITA for hating my racist, rude, and fairly annoying GM | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dAExRa8fNQPjhSwwryZDcAxLZmMIJkct | axty07 | {
"description": "arguing with a pregnant woman who was serving me at a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for arguing with a pregnant woman who was serving me at a restaurant? | My friends and I ordered takeout to pick up at a restaurant near our campus. We asked for the lunch special on the phone when we called and placed the order.
When we arrived to pick up the order, instead of making us the lunch special, which is a smaller size of the regular, they had made the regular instead. The following exchange occurred:
The owner of the restaurant, heavily pregnant woman, tried to ring us through. The price came up to a lot higher than we expected. My friend asks her why it’s so expensive and she said that we ordered the regular entree. My friend tells her that we had in fact placed an order for the lunch special. Instead of apologizing and righting our order, she turns to her employee who was answering phones and asked whether we had done this, or given the ‘number’ (the regular entrees have numbers) for the item. The employee lies and says that we gave the number.
I told her that there was no way we gave a number because we didn’t even have the regular menu out. When we were ordering, we only were looking at the lunch menu. She rolls her eyes and left with our food and went to the back to repackage it. At this point, I was like ok so this isn’t great service. The employee just lied, not to mention as someone running a restaurant, she shouldn’t have doubted her paying customers in the first place when we told her the order was wrong.
Then, she came back with the new lunch menus and proceeded to ring us through again. At this point, I remembered that the lunch specials usually come with a side salad or soup, so I asked her if we could get that.
Her reply was to ask us if we had asked for it on the phone. She told us that if we didn’t order the lunch special then we wouldn’t get the soup or salad. Both my friend and I started defending ourselves, saying for the third time that we did in fact order the lunch special. She retorted and told us that if we didn’t ask for a soup or salad when we ordered, then we wouldn’t get it. So we asked her if that meant that if people don’t know they get a soup or salad, then they don’t get it? And she said that some people don’t want it so how was she supposed to know we want it if we didn’t order it in the first place. We then asked her if she always treated her customers this way, that if they don’t ask for it when they place an order, then they wouldn’t get their sides. She said “I didn’t say I won’t give it to you.”
I was honestly so shocked at her attitude. I know she’s pregnant but she still is working in a restaurant and as paying customers, I didn’t think we deserved to be treated this way. I’m not the most stable person either, so I got angry and told her that she can’t treat her customers this way. That were from a nearby college and if she wants people to come back, then there is no benefit to blaming her customers. We then left, without our soups or salads.
Am I the asshole for arguing with a pregnant woman?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
918RTgmDdb5MMOuIykN0P4pZquXtahhv | b4bwst | {
"description": "refusing to change my mother-in-law's diaper",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for refusing to change my mother-in-law's diaper? | My wife's mother recently went into hospice due to end stage dementia. Yesterday my wife, who's been trading shifts watching her mother with her sister, decided that she wanted to go out to lunch with her friend and told me to watch her mother and keep her comfortable. I'm the worst at taking care of people but I said yes.
About an hour in I thought I was doing a good job but then I smelled something foul. It was obvious that she had soiled herself. I didn't want to change her because I promise you I would've thrown up and I know I couldn't handle it. I told her I'd call a nurse and did call a nurse three times. I came in and out of the room to check on her and tried to keep her calm while we were waiting for help.
Long story short my wife beat the nurse home, and after changing her mother lit into me. She expected me to tend to her mom's every need including changing her messed diapers, wiping her down, and powdering her because "that's what taking care of someone means". I said that she's known since we were dating that I don't do smells and can't clean up messes like vomit and feces. I lost my cool when she kept pushing the issue and told her that if it was so important to her then maybe she should've stayed with her mother instead of going to lunch without asking her sister to stay with her and asking me to change her mother without asking me. I would have done it, even want to, but there's just some things I can't do/feel comfortable doing.
Her and her sister are both refusing to talk to me and things are extremely uncomfortable. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
ZCBL7MiXCbleKGmk4ejLfziWoUJ2BLjG | b8ti63 | {
"description": "wanting to see Endgame opening night vs going to an award dinner/party for my wife's work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for wanting to see Endgame opening night vs going to an award dinner/party for my wife's work? | Background: my wife works for a major radio station in the front office. They had a absolutely stellar ratings book for the last period. The CEO and chief of programming are hosting a major event for the success. It's the same night as the endgame opening.
I want to go to Endgame. I'm proud of my wife but I feel like fhis is a once in a lifetime event that will be spoiled of I don't see it opening night. Her bosses like to party so we do these events all the time (this is the biggest by far, however, and probably the one she's most directly involved in) so I feel like there will be another.
She's so passed at me that I'm not supporting her. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
lQjVfV3JdBBL8vpAGtxOaMzpnLvC866y | b3i2kq | {
"description": "wanting \"friends with benefits\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting "friends with benefits"? | I became friend with a girl from my same class in college about 6-7 months ago. But our friendship really took off when she had a breakup with her boyfriend and she needed someone with her. We use to just talk with each other but after sometime we started holding hands and slowly we did some other simple stuff too. But now she says she kinda has feelings for me and she thought that i also had feelings for her but i didn't and i was just kinda enjoying the physical thing between us. The bigger problem was when she started saying to me that she wants to marry me and i'm like i can't take these kind of decision so early. Also, she isn't the kind of person i'd want to marry so it was a no. But now she is upset from me because i was just in it for the physical stuff and had no feelings all along. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 6
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
rg4NkTY00YJzchhJTRmPW2vtl1PS4LNq | aq7dn5 | {
"description": "being annoyed that I was called out on my mess",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being annoyed that I was called out on my mess? | I share a house with 3 other people. Our shared areas don't have a lot of storage, and our kitchen is small. So small that probably no more than 2 people can be in there at once. Having such a small area means that it gets messy very quickly. Now lately I've been having a guest over that likes to cook when we hang out. To compensate this, I try to clean up our mess + extra. This weekend they cooked a pretty elaborate meal for me and my roommates to share, which was very nice. After we ate I washed our dishes, cleaned the counter,cleaned the stove top, swept the floor, and wiped down our dining room table. Food was put away into containers in the kitchen that same night. They came over again and we made breakfast. We used one pan for everything we made and I washed any additional dishes used to make the food. I had class, so I wasn't able to sweep or do anything additional other than wiping down the counters. Nothing was spilled on the countertops or stove. We made very minimal mess. We did however leave out extras of what we made for anyone else in the house to have.
One important thing to note is that one of my other roommates had a guest over too this weekend (they cooked).
After I leave for class I get a text from one of my roommates (we'll call her J) that roommate S, is pissed. She apparently ranted about the house being kept a mess. I'm usually the type to assume I'm the one not being self aware enough to notice when I'm causing problems, but this time I just feel annoyed. S said that food being left out overnight, the stove not being clean, and other common areas being cluttered were an issue. In the past 2 weeks I have personally deep cleaned the kitchen myself multiple times on top of just generally cleaning up after myself. I hand wash all my dishes almost immediately after using them and try to just maintain things I see dirty around the house.
I can see how leaving out extra food may be an issue if no one eats it, so next time I'll just leave a note that there's extra in the fridge, but other than that, am I the asshole here? I just feel annoyed that A) Roommate J told us about S ranting and she couldn't tell us herself. B) She's acting like this happens all the time. I try to make sure I clean up after myself + anyone else I have over. It's very possible I miss something when cleaning up, but I avoid leaving any big messes for others to deal with. C) S has been gone for most of this week/weekend. She basically came home, complained, and left again. D) I feel a lot of this could be directed at my other roommate who had guests over that did do some of the things she complained about. If that's the case then I would rather her just confront her directly vs. complain to everyone about the actions of one person.
I don't want to be oblivious if I am in the wrong here, but I just feel pretty annoyed about this whole thing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pJt4vWDJlHnr90JL6M3HLWjVCmWfIINm | ah3hdd | null | AITA because it pisses me off when my mum sings in the car? | So I'm 15M, and first off my mum is great and I could not speak highly enough of her. Now, every time I'm in the car with her she always just sings in the car pretty loud while I'm just on social media and I don't know what it is but it just simply really annoys the shit out of me. So this morning I asked her to stop but she just ignored me, I asked her once more and she just started screaming at me saying that I wanted to ruin her fun. This has probably been happening for about half a year and she won't stop, and she always makes me feel bad after getting angry at me.
AITA?
tl;dr: just the title | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 39,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 43
} | WRONG |
YlomInow6vcEpfDF3DZMmpzFnM76Uz5V | b4rit7 | {
"description": "making a friend feel poor",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for making a friend feel poor | I was raised by a wealthy family, not obnoxiously wealth but comfortable and have been able to have nice things and holidays etc. this weekend was a trip out of town, funded by my mother for my birthday. She paid about $1500 for two nights away in a rural town.
We rented a beautiful Airbnb with a pool, rain showers and a giant bath tub. It was just meant to be a relaxing weekend with bubbles and face masks. The first night was awesome. Cheese, crackers, and a bottle of Dom Perignon vintage 2009. And then tequila. I had saved my ass off to make this weekend happen and put a lot of money towards food and alcohol. My friends had also spent approximately $200 on food.
The next day I really wanted was a good hour or so out in the afternoon to burn off some steam. I’m quite an active person. I had made some suggestions such as hiring bicycles ($20 for the whole day), or having a nosey at the local vineyards (find a cheap wine and maybe shout everyone a cheese board) or taking a drive out to the coast. We settled on the beach.
I was getting more worried about friend 1. She had gotten extremely quiet and friend 2 and I had decided maybe she needed some space as we are all quite introverted. I had asked periodically if friend 1 was okay, as had friend 2. When I noticed friend 1 hadn’t really cheered up, I decided it would be best if we headed back.
When we returned Netflix was put back on. F 1 at this claimed she was feeling a bit flu-y. She headed to bed after dinner. F 2 and were quick to brush it off and check on her an hour later.
Friend 1, yelling, targeted at me: “I get that this is your weekend and I shouldn’t have come if I couldn’t afford it! But you have spent the whole day making me feel like shit about not having any money! and now I feel like shit because you made me ruin it!”
She proceeded to continue yelling, talking about how I wanted to do things that costed money. I can’t remember the entire rant and I didn’t get to respond as she stormed out of the room.
The gist was I made her feel like shit for not having money. F2 stood in the door kind of in shock. She very kindly offered f 1 a ride home. I could hear f1 on the phone still ranting about me being terrible. I had enough and went to remind her (not kindly) that f2 had offered her a ride out and to please take it.
I would never intentionally make some one feel that way. I had intended to pay for any activity we had chosen. I may have not made that clear. I believe she could have spoken to my earlier in the day before she had worked herself up into such a state. On the other hand, I must have said something wrong in the day.
It was a dick move asking her to leave considering we were far from home and she doesn’t drive but I was very upset. I think it was not going to be resolved. I feel like I let it escalate and should have asked when I initially sensed something wasn’t right. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
3SuWUpWCQr5u8wqPUqTaVW8oIgtAimfh | ax3pna | {
"description": "arguing with my boyfriend for drinking",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for arguing with my boyfriend for drinking? | The thing is, I barely drink alcohol. Twice a month at max.
When I drank for the first time, he didn't say anything. He was cool with it. But one day he got upset with me when I told him I drank twice in the span of two weeks. He said, "Oh! So this is becoming a habit, I guess?" And I told him I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions. And I don't even drink that much. But he wouldn't listen.
The thing is, as far as I know, his father is an alcoholic. I asked him about it but he doesn't really like talking about it, and he's scared I might turn into one.
I understand where he is coming from but am I the asshole here? I really need to know because I really do love him and I know he's just worried about me. But we just can't seem to find a middle ground here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rKkZIK0guYnTBKHyZmpJIvOVHJI1GKZb | ayzvqx | {
"description": "making fun of my friends music taste",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for making fun of my friends music taste ? | So my friend Enrique and I are pretty close. But one thing that always causes an argument betwen us is our different music tastes. I LOVE old school rock and roll like kiss, led zeppelin, the rolling stomes, green day, greta van fleet, and queen. My friend however likes hip hop music like twopoc, biggie, kanue west, snoop dogg, and NWA. The only rappers I like are jwce wrld and Tom MacDonald. Anyways, today in school Enrique and I were doing an assignment together and our teacher was playing some hip hop. My friend tells me the song playing was by biggie and I said "that explains why its so bad." He says that it is good and that rap is better than rock. I said that only idiots like rap, and that he should listen to real music that isn't about drugs and sex. He goes to the teacher and switches teams, so I'm now with some girl I don't even know. I get that maybe I was rude, but rap sucks. I tried talking to him after class and he told me to go away. So reddit, was I the YTA, or NTA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
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"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
h2R9eCBU9iHFh6fQFIHgyJBSLBYyipjm | awaihm | {
"description": "inviting my friend to sleep over",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for inviting my friend to sleep over? | I study a couple of hours away from where I was born/lived all my life, I have a room there but I come home more or less every other weekend to see friends-family.
I met this girl at uni and we became quite close friends, and coincidentally she had this classes for her job in my birth town.
We are talking about somebody I’ve been friends with for a few years now, and about 4 weekends over the span of 9 months.
Naturally I told her that she didn’t need to book a hotel room but could sleep at my house! I would make sure to be there on those weekends and she could stay there.
My mom got quite mad and upset at me for inviting her home because “it’s the weekend and I’m tired and I have to make the house look good if we have guests”
Now obviously I do understand that guests aren’t the easiest thing and there’s downsides, but what was I suppose to do, make her spend hundreds on a hotel room when I could have saved her all that money?
My mom eventually got on board with it but she’s still not happy about it, sometimes being cold to my friend and calling her “she/her” on the phone with me, which annoys me a lot. She really doesn’t have to do anything extra, I take care of my friend and she’s just home a couple
of hours in the evening cause she has her own stuff to do all day long and leaves early in the morning.
I understand the difficulty but AI really TA in this situation as my mom is saying? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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PUKZF0O16h8UiNkOEGncSA1ltNoN9y77 | awm8kk | {
"description": "making a joke",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making a joke? | https://imgur.com/a/d2MIbiC
Met "P" in Grindr and we switched to text after a while... Surprisingly he's 39, it seems like he has some issues.... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZbbsZceGVwZe0fVtkLwEz7uUqTFYIbLd | auc6ri | {
"description": "not allowing my daughters girlfriend stay the night",
"pronormative_score": 167,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for not allowing my daughters girlfriend stay the night? | This incident happened Friday night and I’ve been thinking it over all weekend, I made an account just to ask.
I have twins, a son and a daughter, age 16 (17 in March) My son has been dating his girlfriend for over a year now, and very rarely do I allow her to stay over at our house for a night. On the rare occasion that she does, one of them has to sleep on the couch. On school nights she can stay at our house until 10:30, on weekends I’m fine with her being there from midnight-12:30.
My daughter recently came out as bisexual, and introduced us to her girlfriend. She asked if she could come over to the house Friday night, I said yes, but she had to leave by midnight, the same rule my sons girlfriend has to follow.
My daughter threw a fit saying it wasn’t fair she wasn’t allowed to stay because she is also a girl. That is not my issue. I know that teens will be teens, and they will have sex. I know my husband has provided condoms to our son, and I know that his girlfriend is on birth control. My rule about when girlfriends or boyfriends have to leave has nothing to do with sex, it’s just a rule that I had to follow as a teen, and I think it’s a good rule to have.
My daughter has not spoke to me since Friday night when I wouldn’t let her girlfriend stay the night, and I’m not sure what to feel. She thinks I’m the biggest Ahole around.
So reddit, AITA for not letting my daughters girlfriend stay the night? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 153,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 167,
"WRONG": 23
} | RIGHT |
wffKNW8qvNeU09H3FuWxP9vH2ka3V1Nq | b3ud3o | {
"description": "being rude to my friends dad because of his past job",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being rude to my friends dad because of his past job? | My friend had quite rich parents (her mother recently passed), they owned 2 houses and have lived all over the world and out of curiosity I asked her how they had made their money, she told me her dad used to breed kittens and puppies to sell as one of his side businesses and thinking this was interesting I asked her more about it. After talking for a while she confessed to me that her father would drown the puppies and kittens which weren't "attractive" and profitable in a bucket. I was so shocked and disgusted by this and couldn't believe it, I asked if she the next time I saw him in public as we live in a small town I didn't acknowledge him and quickly left, he'd called after me and later told his daughter about the incident who called me rude and dramatic for treating him badly but to me this man is simply an animal abuser and murderer, Aita?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
zEMeSmlmEzJsJqDS6OaZ6gXCUyEXYR0h | a6lay7 | {
"description": "not congratulating pregnant sister",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not congratulating pregnant sister? | Sister has 2 kids already. Neither her nor her man have had a job in 5 years. They survive off government payments and the odd donation from me to get by. They fell pregnant with the third kid intentionally. She can't afford the kids she has and now she's having another, and I haven't been able to talk to her since her announcement because I have been too angry with her. AITA? She's complaining that she can't afford physio for a hurt arm, shame she's just made finding a job to pay for it 100× harder. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
JX4XkvIzeMvl3e6hQoALy6Bfb0pWJiyd | aylyjl | {
"description": "not wanting to have sex with y 6 month pregnant girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for not wanting to have sex with y 6 month pregnant girlfriend? | My GF is 6 months pregnant. Before she got pregnant we had sex like at east 5 or 6 times a week, I usually initiated. When she first got pregnant we still maintained our sex life but since she started showing I've kind of been put off having sex for many reasons. 1 is that I kind of feel like awkward having sex with her when there's literally a baby in her stomach. Although I know it technically doesn't hurt the baby it's just weird to think about. 2. I honestly find the stomach a turn off. She always been really thin and fit and since getting pregnant she's gained like a bunch of weight and I'm just not as eager to have sex as we used to.
My GF thinks I'm an asshole and gets angry, like really mad whenever I turn down sex or whenever she sees me masturbate or watch porn. I just can't really help it and I don't get why we can't just wait until after she has the baby.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
08hSHdD0ApWm8LmGKxgLHCtnCi4g7l10 | a0xpg0 | {
"description": "saying I wouldn't go to a party if a certain person who happened to be close friends with the host was attending",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for saying I wouldn’t go to a party if a certain person who happened to be close friends with the host was attending? | Ok...background first then we’ll get to the meat. There’s also a TLDR at the bottom for those who don’t want to read all of this. For those who do...sorry. There’s a lot.
So I just started my second year in college. My first year I met this guy (we’ll call him Chad) who was finishing up his fourth year. He was cool to me and my friends so we decided to hang out with him a few times throughout the year. There were more than a few times he bought booze for us and was overall a swell guy. Until one night... to make a long story short, he was rubbing up on a few of my female friends’ feet and being super creepy about it. It made everyone super uncomfortable, to the point that my friends said they didn’t want him around at anymore parties. I agreed and we never hung out again.
Flash forward a couple months, and I’m at a party with a different group of friends and Chad happens to be there. He makes me some drinks, we chat and I get very drunk. At some point in the night a bunch of us are sleeping in the living room and my friend on the other end of the room jumps up from the couch and runs into the kitchen. A few of my other friends follow her and they talk in the kitchen for about an hour and come back, everyone goes back to sleep. A few weeks later, she tells me that she freaked out cuz Chad was grabbing at her feet while she was sleeping, causing her to wake up and have a panic attack. After hearing about that, my whole friend group (except one guy, we’ll name him Bob) swore off hanging out with Chad since he’d been acting so creepy.
Ok, now to the actual meat. About two months ago was my college’s homecoming game. We (being me and the second group of friends) decided to have a party to celebrate and hang out. Bob volunteered to host at his apartment, and the night was set. All of a sudden, Chad shows up at the homecoming football game asking when the party is and where. Myself and six of my fiends pull Bob aside and tell him that if Chad is going to the party then the rest of us aren’t. He said he’d take care of it.
We get to the party. It’s lit, everyone has a great time and post a bunch of pics and videos on our Snapchat stories and other social media platforms as you do when the party is lit. We all pass out feeling pretty good and not worrying about anything. However, when we wake up about 15 of us (including myself) have texts waiting for us from Chad about how we all betrayed his trust and how he can’t believe that he called us his friends. He blocks everyone who was at the party on every social media he has and has his fiancé do the same. As it turns out, when Bob said he would take care of it he meant he would tell Chad that the party was canceled and just throw it anyway. So when we put a bunch of pics online of us hanging out, Chad saw it and got pissed. He and Bob had a huge fight and weren’t on speaking terms for a while. I think they’ve made up now, but I’m not sure. The rest of us have made no attempt to patch things up with him, and some of us are more than ok with the way that things turned out. After all, Chad was a total creep and we didn’t like him.
So anyway...are we the assholes? I know Bob could’ve handled that differently, but should we have made him choose between Chad and us? Was it really fair of us to put him in that position? We’ve all sort of accepted that Chad isn’t around anymore, and some of us like I said are pretty happy about it given his creepy vibe. We’ve come to terms with what we did, but I‘m interested to hear some opinions from outsiders.
TLDR: A guy I met last year turned out to be a total creep. We found out he was gonna be at a party we were going to, and told the host was a close friend of his to chose between us and him. He chose us, and creepy dude got pissed. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
PsnTd8lTGK1d3SA3u9MYGloZ4tWh0pYw | a5xtbr | {
"description": "cringing at someone confessing their feelings to me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cringing at someone confessing their feelings to me? | So I recently started my second year of college and my best friend has left for a foundation year at a university further away from where I live. I was struggling really badly with making connections with other people except for this one guy who has been a friend/acquaintance. I'm quite shy and find it difficult to talk to people at times, especially when I'm trying to focus on my coursework.
​
Before I continue, I should mention that I have a boyfriend, and we've been in a very stable relationship for the past year. Not a lot of people knew because I've only talked to 2-3 people properly in the year before. I'm also one of the only two females in my class, and we don't get along well.
​
One day when I was heading out for lunch, this guy from my class called Jacob (not his real name) started complaining to me about how class is horrible, is full of chavs etc. I rarely ignore people if they try to talk to me, so I just nodded throughout this rant and said stuff like 'yeah I get that' or 'there's still a lot of time before the assignment is due'. After getting back to the class we started having a more general conversation, and he's been sitting next to me and talking to me since then.
​
Jacob drives, and we drove back to school from a fast food place. After getting out of the car, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told him 'Yes I did, have been stable for a while.' He then backpedalled and said he was asking for the other friend of mine because he claimed that he was being very protective and clingy (when in fact he was just trying to help me not drop out of the course from feeling like I didn't belong, also he is not interested in woman).
​
Anyways, I knew he had feelings for me from that point, and it made me uncomfortable at times when he would ask me if I wanted to get a ride home or if I wanted to go out drinking with him alone. He would keep telling me that he wants to ask something but that would be unfair on me. I knew what was coming so I just tried to avoid staying behind as much as possible as to prevent him from dropping the bomb (as I knew it would make me even less comfortable about being around him). Lily, the other female in my class picked up on the fact that he had feelings for me and have said that we would look cute together in front of the whole class despite the fact that I've told her twice that I had a boyfriend.
​
So finally, today the bomb dropped whilst I was walking out of college. Jacob told me that he was sorry if I would feel guilty over this, but if I ever had troubles in my relationship with my boyfriend that he would be there. He knew I had a boyfriend but he chose to say this. I just told him that my relationship with my boyfriend is very stable. I didn't know what else to say after that so I just walked faster towards my bus stop.
​
This event made me very uncomfortable and made me cringe horribly when I got away from the situation and I talked to my boyfriend and my best friend about it and we all agreed that it was out of line. I feel bad that I talked about this event behind his back (with people who I know outside of college). Am I the asshole here?
Tl;dr - Guy confesses his feelings to me when he knows I have a boyfriend, cringed and reacted badly after the event which made me feel like an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
hwrAAsqkyasonQXpTKYhC14yAQhERPLj | axvgrl | {
"description": "replacing the computer I recieved as a gift a year ago",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I replace the computer I recieved as a gift a year ago? | Okay, so my mom got me a cheap computer for Christmas last year for school and while I'm super grateful, she's not the greatest with technology. It had barely enough storage to run windows so I couldn't save anything to it. I've since sunk about $150 (probably half of what this thing was originally worth) into it to try and speed it up and expand storage, which has helped some but it has now developed some other problems.
The new problems include randomly restarting (like a lot) and it doesn't like to connect to wifi. So I've been thinking about buying something else to replace it but is it too early (since this is just over a year old) to get something new? Should I just tough it out for a while longer (I have over a year left before I graduate if that makes a difference) or do you think she would understand?
Also if it makes a difference, this is not my main computer, it's just a smaller one that's easier to take to class. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JdMc79m6Oa3phdNO1aveem83Fr96CAOl | at61fo | {
"description": "not telling the teacher I put on lotion",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not telling the teacher I put on lotion? | It's as fucking absurd as it sounds. TLDR at the end.
So for some context, I'm in a women's choir class. I transferred to this school two months ago and so you'd think all of the rules would have been clearly laid out for me by now, but nope. Apparently there's a rule against putting on lotion (which is strange to me because I've done it dozens of times in that class before, within his eyesight, and so have others, and nobody said anything but oh well).
About five minutes before the class ended, I put on some hand lotion because it's cold where I am and my skin dries out. A few minutes later my teacher (all the way across the room) yells about him being able to smell it, even though it doesn't smell bad or strong or anything. At the same exact time though the bell rang, so I just left and didn't think anything else of it.
Ffw to next class and we're doing "checkups", where one person from each section sings their section's part solo. For example, I'm an Alto II/Tenor I so I'd sing either of those parts, with an Alto I, Sop II and Sop I singing their respective parts. So we're kind of in the spotlight a little bit.
The entire class went fine with no lotion mentions until I was up for mine. I was halfway through a song when my choir teacher noticed a few girls talking under their breaths. He stopped us and asked the girls why they were talking, and I was like ?? until this chick points at me and goes "She did it, I watched her do it!" and then I was like ???? what the fuucucuck
So everyone is rambling back and forth about me and I'm just kind of standing there, awkward and confused. But then the teacher hushed them and I had to continue singing in front of a crowd of girls who were angry at me for... putting on lotion the day before. I'm not an awful singer but it kind of threw me off the rest of the time.
After I'm done, the teacher starts giving a speech about discretion and when it is and isn't a good time to be discreet or something, I honestly don't remember because I was too busy feeling humiliated. Then he asks whoever did it to come forward, and I just apologize because I kind of want it to be over. The bell rings & I leave and I can hear them talking shit together but I honestly didn't give af lmao.
So AITA for putting on lotion when my teacher doesn't like it, even though I'm unaware of that rule? My entire choir class seems to think so.
TL;DR: My choir teacher yelled at the very end of class because he smelled my lotion. A girl embarrasses me & calls me out for it in the middle of my performance the next day, when it wasn't even an issue anymore. AITA for not telling the teacher it was my lotion? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
GSzbx5tGMXfvbvGX5mi1raUnILHV7UHD | a3y62a | null | AITA: family feud. | My parents have aged and developed a soft spot when it comes to parenting. My younger brother(of 13 years, only us two for siblings) is borderline out-of-control. He has punched holes in most of the doors in my parents house, has pushed my mom to the ground, and has been in and out of school as he pleases. My parents, worried, have asked me to help any way I can. So I have changed my schedule around to help as needed. Well recently he has called the cops on me, and convinced them I was abusive to him, without any marks or evidence to back it up(I am against violence, but not against tough love or causing discomfort when needed), I was escorted off of his high school campus. My dad is being played by my brother and it has gotten to a point where I am ready to quit helping. I realise he is not my child, but he is my brother who is being violent to my mom, and I cant tolerate that. It seems as if my dad isn't taking this as seriously as he can, giving in when my brother asked for his skateboard back, after his second day back to school in over a week, the day after he called the cops and DCF was knocking on my door about it. My dad is sort of well connected in our town and called the dogs off, so he is treating it as "not a big deal". This is just one of many examples. Am I the asshole for wanting to give up on helping change this kids outlook on life or wanting to help to my parents? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tACudXXvRCsr6cnxqQtbyyus6NMAZiuD | 9umplh | {
"description": "talking about my online gaming friend's cheats on group chat, making his friends talk shit about him",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for talking about my online gaming friend's cheats on group chat, making his friends talk shit about him? | I play this game called Far Cry 5 on my PC. It's made by Ubisoft, came out in early 2018 so almost an entire year ago, and is mostly solo-player and co-op with some player-vs-player, too. Through the game and UPlay, Ubi's own client similar to Valve's Steam, I made this friend, "Mr. Z", who's from the other side of the world. I live in the eastern hemisphere and he lives somewhere in North America, like many other people that play the series.
A few weeks after he added me I noticed strange things when we play co-op, such as neither of us dying or even taking damage from anything, him super-jumping, and him giving me hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of in-game loot, which should under normal circumstances take a while (several hours of gameplay) to collect. I asked him about it and he revealed that he uses cheats. I told him I'm against cheating in PvP games and he said that he only uses them in solo and co-op and never in PvP, which means he uninstalls them first, every time.
Earlier today, we - Mr. Z, his friend "Ronoid" and I, so at least 3 people - were talking on UPlay group chat. I happen to have mentioned Mr. Z using modded software, which shocked/startled/surprised (whichever word English-speakers use) Ronoid and made him what Mr. Z was doing. I tried to defend Mr.
Z by saying that he only does it in solo and co-op, but the conversation ended soon after that.
Later that day, which was just today, Mr. Z told me, on private chat of course, that he needed my help in doing a co-op challenge, which he immediately followed with, "nevermind, I forgot you hate cheaters". When I saw it I genuinely felt bad and sent several apologies, still in private chat, including things like "I'm sorry" and "I only hate malicious cheaters, those that do it in PvP games like GTA Online which is infested with those kinds of people". He replied saying that he was playing Far Cry PvP with his friends who then hated on him, accusing him of using cheats in PvP and faking his scores/stats, and they all left his lobby. I really felt bad about this, I know it's my fault. I did a shitty thing. I said a few more apology phrases like "I'm sorry that happened" and some others. I wasn't being sarcastic at all, I genuinely felt guilty. I don't remember our full conversation but I think I made him hate me as a friend, because I think he said a few sarcastic-*sounding* things like "I wonder how easy it is to do it in multiplayer... easy as 123!!!"
TL;DR: I knew my online friend used cheats in a game we play but only in solo and co-op and never in PvP. I mentioned it in UPlay's group chat which made his friends think he's a cheater, and *probably* made him hate me. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
E0napL5wcDpHCGbt4RWF2CGrlIKukGN0 | atc58u | {
"description": "not wanting my Dads side of the family coming to my graduation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my Dads side of the family coming to my graduation? | On mobile so please forgive formatting.
A little bit of background. My high school graduation is coming up. My dad wants to invite his mom and dad (my grandparents) to my graduation. Now my mom and myself aren’t exactly on good terms with them. They (my grandparents) have repeatedly disrespected my mother and I. Hell my grandfather even called me garbage in a restaurant in public in front of his (grandparents) family friends for not being able to fluently speak Chinese. He (grandfather) also decided to not go out to dinner at the last minute (some BS excuse about being sick in the hot weather) with my mom and I even after my dad and his wife(grandmother) pleaded with him (grandfather) to go and at least greet us. So as you can see I have some personal reasons on why I do to not want them to attend. Not to mention the fact that he (grandfather) is about 88 years old and in a wheelchair. Yet my dad is insisting I get them tickets to attend my graduation and if I don’t he’s (dad) threatening to not attend it. So am I the asshole for not wanting them to attend? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iINBEOoAEgZx9QHQXx7oOPSUkFqbzTas | akxi0c | {
"description": "not helping my friend get a job alongside me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my friend get a job alongside me? (Long expl. + TL;DR) | A little bit of background: I (F19) have a friend (F18) who we'll call W. So W and I have known one another for six months. We went to school together as kids but never really talked, but hit it off when we met again at work.
Our job is hell and the whole place is filled with problems that I won't even begin to unpack here, so we want out of there as soon as possible.
I've done everything I could to be a supportive friend. The first time that W came to my family's house, she spent 26 hours in my home, only leaving for 2 to go with her boyfriend to the hospital to see a family member. Her boyfriend was probably at the house for a total of 8 hours. This, by the way, was my first time meeting him.
I bent over backwards to be a good hostess. I accomodated W in every way. I made pizza, hot chocolate, tea, a snack tray, gave them candy and Christmas gifts and even gave her clothes. I remade a few of her drinks because she didn't like them. I was overly accommodating because, frankly, I'm a dork and haven't had a friend who actually wanted me around in years. So I really wanted to impress her. Stupid, I know, but all my life I've been the meek, submissive friend who goes along with whatever the other person wants because I don't want to be all sad and alone.
But she quickly took advantage of me. I started paying for everything, being the host every time, giving up on pre-made plans to run W's errands with her, and even helping her hunt for jobs. She wants to get hired in at the same place as me so that we can "work together and hang out." I don't like this idea and I don't think she has a good work ethic - she isn't someone I would want tied to me when trying to get hired somewhere.
Nevertheless, I caved in and sent her a list of at least 7 jobs I had been considering applying to. Just yesterday I went pounding the pavement and submitting applications. I told her what I was doing because I hadn't replied to her for hours, and didn't want her to think I was just ignoring her, as she gets pissy very easily. If the conversation stops being about her, she ends it. W is also very insecure and jealous, and I see that being a problem if I were to succeed and her fall behind. She can be very spiteful.
For example, her boyfriend (M19) and I have a lot in common. We have very similar personalities and the same sense of humor. W is very flat and doesn't get a lot of jokes. She hates movies, comedy, etc. and tends to scold her boyfriend a lot when he makes jokes or acts goofy. I, however, get the old stand-up references he makes and very frequently we either think or say the same thing. Her boyfriend is also very well-mannered and appreciative, whereas she is not. He always thanks me and my family, acts respectfully and apologizes for W's attitude and/or behavior. He called her out when she made a dig at my weight and apologized on her behalf.
Though, I think W takes this all to be more than it really is. I see it as just being friendly, but she does not. The only issue I could see, or understand, is that her boyfriend is a hugger. He hugs everyone. Hell, he hugged my mom twice as soon as he met her. He'll hug me hello and goodbye every time I see them. If he forgets to, he gets out of the car to do it. According to W, he has autism. I'm not very educated on autism, so I'm not sure if this is common with people who are on the spectrum, or if it's behavior that is unique to him.
So that, what we have in common, and her insecurity paints a very muddy picture. She acts very territorial, randomly says that he is "her man" and kisses him, straddles him or full on gooses him right next to me. It's uncomfortable as hell. I have a boyfriend as well, but I wouldn't dare make out with him in her bedroom or smack his ass when she's standing close enough to hear the reverberation from his cheeks.
So, naturally, when I admitted I was out applying to jobs, she immediately wanted to know where I applied so she could apply as well. I said no, and she got pouty and abandoned the conversation. All of this has made me not only want to stop helping her look for work, but also stop being her friend. I feel stuck, though, since I don't have many friends to begin with. I'm naturally the kind of person who puts my friends before myself. So I'm not sure whether or not I need to cut her off or if I'm being selfish and should help her out.
TL;DR -
AITA for not wanting to go to a new job with someone who walks all over me, treats me like I'm less than her and belittles my job/experience in front of my own family, calls me fat and compares me to her physically in front of her family/boyfriend, and doesn't work hard?
IMO I've done a lot for this girl. I've been there for her through tough times, helped her clean up for her boyfriend to impress him, given her loads of gifts and treated her to food in almost every outing. I take a lot of shit from her, including jabs at my body/general appearance, my intelligence, my position at our company, etc. Do I have grounds to be upset/ditch her ass, or am I just being self-centered? | HISTORICAL | {
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Xv6o3xLGjaMsWAU3HtFFJZzMIPiVWy5U | a8hup0 | {
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to smoke weed",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 25
} | AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to smoke weed? | I am anti-drug. I was raised by a single father who was a police officer who drilled the anti-drug sentiment into me. My mother was a drug dealer and addict who started out with weed, but moved to major drugs.
I am dating a lovely girl, and we want to have a future together. She recently let it slip that she smokes weed regularly because it makes her feel good and helps her forget about her problems. (It is illegal where I live.)
I told her that I was not comfortable with this, and asked her to stop. She hemmed and hawed but eventually said she'd respect my wishes.
Fast forward a week later, I'm talking to her on the phone and she says, "by the way, I'm high." I asked her why she would do that, and she said, "Because I'm a grown adult and I can make my own choices," and "weed isn't a big deal." I told her that I don't want to have a future with someone who smokes weed, and also violates my trust.
Am I being too uptight? Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 25
} | RIGHT |
7t43UtXg3hheG86hCvA7LTog08GJ6MKL | b8kyqb | {
"description": "telling my friend to cancel her flights because of an April Fool's prank",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I tell my friend to cancel her flights because of an April Fool's prank? | Throwaway because I think my friend knows about my main Reddit account. Also, sorry for formatting if it's weird, I am writing this on my phone. TL;DR at the end. And, sorry for crappy english, it's not my first language.
I have a friend I have known for a couple of years now, she lives in another country but we have seen each others a couple of times and we talk daily and I would say she is a very good friend of mine. She was supposed to come to my country and visit me in a couple of weeks, but after what happened yesterday I am not so sure anymore.
I was going to have a very busy evening with work but I managed to catch up with her before leaving for work and she mentioned she will be working as well during the evening, but she was feeling a bit under the weather. I told her to take it easy and let people at work know in case she started feeling bad so she could go home and rest.
We didn't speak anything until I got home from my work shift. There was still an hour or so left of the day but all I was thinking about food and sleeping since I had to go back to the work in the morning, so the fact that it was still think first of April had already left my mind.
Then, I got a message from her, saying she collapsed at work, started throwing up and now she is at the hospital and the doctors are trying to figure out what is wrong with her. She also had a very candid photo attached in it. So, of course I panic and start crying, wondering if everything is okay, she already had mentioned that she was feeling a bit sick before her shift began.
She then said it might be something serious and the upcoming trip will be compromised because of this.
I am a sensitive person (which she knows) and I take stuff like this seriously, and I was so scared for her, I got extremely worried for her and I felt bad that I could not be there for my her... Until she said it was an April Fool's joke.
I got mad at her, because "pranks" like these go into the same category with all those dumb cheating, pregnancy and "i'm breaking up with you" jokes.
She said it was not a big deal because it was still April Fool's and "the joke only lasted for a couple of minutes" but I was livid. She said I should have seen it coming and it really was not that bad. I honestly wanted to tell her to cancel her flights but I thought I should calm down first. I haven't spoken to her since. She has not apologized properly and she has been sending me messages today as if nothing ever happened.
I know I might be overreacting if I tell her to cancel her flights, but I feel really bad because she thinks this was a good joke and I think I need a break from her after this.
So, WIBTA?
TLDR; A friend who lives in another country was supposed to visit me soon made kinda cruel april fool's prank (imo) concerning her health, and now I am thinking about telling her to cancel her flights because I am upset and need a break from her.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
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QxnTWp2ANZuxHaZiHSQcGbaaHcM0oMjr | b3kg5u | {
"description": "not wanting to make food for someone even if they pay",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to make food for someone even if they pay? | So as a hobby I started making beef jerky. One batch is usually more than I can eat so I share with people. Everyone who tried it really seems to like it.
I've even had a few people offer to pay me for it. I always decline because I feel weird accepting money because then I feel like I owe them something. What if I mess up the marinade or I get a not so great cut of meat? Plus I would feel bad giving away something I made other people pay for. And I like sharing it. It makes me feel good that people enjoy something I made.
Anyways, one woman I work with has told me time and time again how much she enjoys my jerky. She's asked me a few times to buy jerky from me. I'm always appreciative of the compliments but decline. Today, she texted me saying how much her kids love my jerky and could she pay for the supplies to make a full batch just for her next week? Usually the meat for one batch is roughly $20 and nothing in the marinade is super expensive but I guess it would add up. Again I declined, saying I don't feel comfortable selling it, but it's a lot of work and money to make a full batch to just give away. I told her I would be happy to keep a bag aside for her on my next batch but because of my schedule I probably wouldn't be able to make any until next month.
She tried to insist but I still declined. Come to find out from a mutual work friend that now she's going around telling coworkers that I'm being unreasonable and how shes just trying to "throw me business" and I should feel bad because her kids really like the jerky and I won't make it for them. AITA?
TL;DR I make jerky as a hobby and refuse to sell it. Woman I work with insists on paying me to make some for her. When I refuse she says I'm unreasonable. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 14,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OtR2HCobzO3cY4ehIoqRQAlnrCvCCZul | a1q2ir | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend to not dye her hair",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend to not dye her hair? | Ive been dating my girlfriend for 4 months and its getting pretty serious. Last night she asked me what colour she should dye her hair, at first i was trying to be polite and told her that her hair looks great now but she insisted on a bright pink dye. After some disagreement i told her that itd look awful and that she shouldnt do it. She got very upset and her and my friends agree that its selfish for trying to control her, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
U86Zq4rdqmNRwnBxYjMQYWtV4myc5inc | adrl6q | {
"description": "making fun of how someone I know faked cutting herself for attention",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for making fun of how someone I know faked cutting herself for attention. | How I know the person (I’ll just call her K) was faking cutting themselves is a somewhat long story so I’ll sum it up. Basically I was in a discord call with a group of friends talking about random stories while playing video games. After a while one of my friends mentioned that K sent a message about 5 minutes before he told us of K saying that she cut herself. Obviously everyone (excluding me) started typing and messaging K on discord to ask if she was okay (which she is) and saying that they like her and shit to be nice. The problem was that about 5 minutes after her first message about cutting herself with a razor she posted an image of her arm. The Image showed the top side of her arm with small red patches here and there but no scratch marks, no cuts and no blood were anywhere to be seen. I was telling everyone that it was obvious how fake it is and that she is clearly fine because of the fact that she started posting memes for about an hour after the first message. But because K is a female everyone except for me believes her 100 percent and think I’m being shitty just because this kid basically bullied me 2 months. AITA for making jokes about it like saying “Haha big mood” and shit like that, even though K was passing some serious moral and ethical lines just for attention? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
FHzDQztwWjLCkwv49s2lJztimUaHf0EJ | b1mmww | {
"description": "calling cops",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling cops? | AITA for calling the cops? Ill call her O. O had an ex that ill call X. O and X were on/off for yrs. One night X was arrested for dom assualt. So now a no-contact order.
X continued to harass O for weeks by text after that. All the while claiming he didn't blame O for getting him arrested. But sumtimes would yell over the phone and threaten her.
Being her friends, we tried to be there for O. But as her friends, we also tried to respect her feelings. We knew that SHE knew she was in an abusive relationship but it was up to her to end it for good.
After awhile, X started physically showing up to where she was at to "just talk". O almost always gave in. O would tell us how the "talks" were just him begging. O would always make sure to emphasize that she didn't fear X.
One night, we were having a bonfire and drinks when X pulled in. O jumped in his car for a "talk" in the driveway. As X pulled off and drove away O came back crying.
X was acting crazy again and made threats. O downplayed it with her usual excuses for X. At this point, we already knew we were shitty friends for allowing this to go on in the first place.
About an hour, the party had mostly broken up and it was just O, me and 2 others. X pulled up and O got in as usual. Then, O gets out of the car angrily yelling at X.
As it intensified, me and the two other 2 all agreed we should call 911.
I have never called 911 before so we were shocked when two cops came running up out of nowhere and handcuffed both of them.
By this point, other friends came outside. O was still in handcuffs so I told the cops I called bc of X but they were both in violation and both arrested. O hurled insults at me as they took her away.
O suffered some serious consequences. The cops found some illegal pill or something so charged her for drugs too. O lost a really good job. And had kids at home to support.
I saw O the next day and she said sorry and i did the right thing but i never saw her again.
I reached out a few weeks ago with a new phone number. When she asked who I was I told her and didn't get a response. I sent a few texts in the following weeks letting her know I miss her. A few nights ago, she finally responded.
She made small talk for awhile asking what I was doing and saying she was home alone and had been drinking. O then asked me to send a pic. I'm a guy so I responded with "of what?"
Me being a homebody, O has seen me look my worst before, so I took a quick selfie and sent it with a sarcastic caption about how sexy I am.
Her response:
O: Uhh... wtf. I thought u were someone else.
O: Ur an ass!
O: U called the cops on me.
O: Fuck off
Me: Ok but why?
O: U were a great friend..b4 u called the cops!
O: Goodbye
Me: I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do.
She has never responded.
Anyone can claim that I was NTA due to an NC order and abuse in the first place. But it isn't so cut and dry. O didn't want an NC but by law it was auto. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
Mk3oXUTXXtV5lsbzYb6zhOyR8FB5FEIc | a69s77 | {
"description": "kicking a dog",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for kicking a dog | Sounds bad I know but hear me out! I work as a dog sitter/walker and one of the dogs, called Mulle, who I take on regular walks is terrible with other dogs. Like if a dog gets too close he will bark and growl and bite. He had a bad upbringing so it’s hard to unlearn this behavior as it is so ingrained in him (this is besides the point but I just don’t want anyone to think he’s a bad dog, he’s the sweetest he just has a lot of problems that aren’t his fault!).
Anyway I was walking Mulle where I usually walk him and all of a sudden three unleashed dogs come running up to us. I freak out, because Mulle is kind of a big dog and these dogs a not even half his size so a bite from him could do a lot of damage. But they all surround us and try greeting Mulle. He starts barking and growling, obviously.
I’m trying to keep Mulle behind me, away from the other dogs while trying to locate their owner. Finally she shows up and try’s to put leashes on her dogs, one at a time and painfully slow. And while she does this one of the dogs run up to Mulle from behind and Mulle just lunges. I panic I do not ever want to see a dog die so I do the only thing I can think of, I kick the other dog away from Mulle. Look a panicked okay? Thinking a kick is better than a bite to the neck. But I feel awful. I mean I kicked a dog! But it was for their safety. But maybe there was a better way. Idk I just feel bad. So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
mlrrh20NaphxyJbmsDEfzfbrDE2yaCvX | b2nirc | {
"description": "not wanting to take my nephew on a trip with me and my kids to visit my in-laws",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to take my nephew on a trip with me and my kids to visit my in-laws? | This actually happened awhile ago - but I've been feeling kind of guilty about it, so I still think about it.
I have two kids (2 and 4), and sister-in-law(SIL) has 2 kids (5 and 9). We both live in the same city. Her parents (my husbands parents) live in a small town about a 5 hour drive away. I'm very close with their parents. Both families frequently visit the Grandparents, and sometimes we take each others kids with us (but not always). Although, because my kids are younger - we take their kids more than they take ours (they've never taken our youngest). Which is fine - he's a toddler, so I get it.
It was Christmas break, and both families were planning on spending Christmas break at the Grandparents house. My husband, SIL and her husband all had one week of vacation. I was lucky and had 2 weeks of vacation.
My niece (the 9 year old) was having some problems with her parents (fighting a lot), so my SIL had actually sent her to the Grandparents early. So she would be there for a total of 3 weeks.
With my extra week of vacation, I decided that I wanted to head to the Grandparents house a week early as well (my niece was already there at this point). The primary reason I wanted to go early was because I wanted to put my older son in ski lessons before everybody else got there for Christmas break. My SIL's family does not ski at all.
I contemplated inviting my nephew to go with us, but then I decided not to bring him. I feel terrible because the other 3 grandchildren all got to be at their grandparents house together, and he was stuck in daycare by himself. I also felt a bit bad because there was a slight precedent for bringing the other families kids with us (although I actually hate this precedent!). My SILs family does almost always offer to take my older son with them when they go, and guarantee that they would have offered to take my (older) son if the situation was reversed.
I didn't want to bring him for 3 main reasons. ONE: I thought it would be kind of awkward for my son (age 4) to be in ski lessons all week, when his cousin (age 5) wasn't. TWO: The drive is was 5 hours of dangerous mountain winter driving. I am a nervous driver anyway and was already stressed about the drive with just my 2 kids. I honestly didn't want another kid in the car. THREE: Honestly - I didn't want to look after him for a week. I wanted to have a week of vacation with my kiddos. Inviting him would mean the adults would be outnumbered 4:3, which is not a huge deal, but also adds up to slightly more work for everyone.
Anyway - AITA? For what it's worth, my husband thinks I am.
| HISTORICAL | {
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2k1tDKPjBy6yb3XSm3QlWiUjNofS3ei2 | af2u0b | {
"description": "not showering for a month",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 32
} | AITA for not showering for a month | My girlfriend and i live together with my friend Danny. Danny and me made a bet: who takes a shower first, has to invite the other one for a dinner in a very expensive restaurant.
I thought the bet would be over after a week or so and it would be an easy way for me to get some good food without paying money (i’m really broke).
But now the bet is on for about 40 days and we both really start to smell terrible.
My Girlfriend is super annoyed but Danny doesn’t want to call it quit and i can’t afford this fancy restaurant.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 32
} | WRONG |
yB9JRud0WqeETXAzi4BZVfmXig5J6XUn | ar0lts | {
"description": "not feeling sorry for my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not feeling sorry for my friend? | The situation is that I had a crush and as I finally was 100% sure we'll never be together cuz she said it clearly. I said it to my friend and he felt that a bit amusing. Now the same shit happened to him with a bit more salt. She (his crush) dumped him via whatsapp. He told me what happened, and of course I feel sorry for what happened but I think it's also funny at the same time. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
YxKJEZCzyHVFIj3XOiOjCuvCuv1ZChho | alswi4 | {
"description": "not inviting my cousins to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I didn’t invite my cousins to my wedding? | So, this is gonna be long, but I’ll include a TL;DR here: WIBTA if I didn’t invite the cousins who bullied me growing up to my wedding?
Growing up for me was hard. I have Neurofibromatosis 1, so I’ve always looked a bit off growing up. Always bullied by other kids around my age for it. Never really had anyone close to me who I could be a kid with. Even my own cousins would pull this crap with me, and my aunts and uncles of who’s parents they were, lived by the ‘ kids will be kids’ mindset.
Let’s cue to two of them I’ll call M and G. M dispite being two-three years older than me was practically always smaller than me, and has a less than good home life than I did. Which came off as he resented me, and made sure to make a point to make my life hell whenever we’d go to my grandparents for family events. Doing the typical stuff such as playing ‘hide and seek’ them just never looking for you. Crap like this lasted until him and his family moved away and I’d see him far far less, which at that point he’d just verbally try to put me down each chance he got.
Now I’ve not been the only one he’s had issue with, he assaulted my other cousin over 5$. There’s other stories here but I’d best avoid them.
G on the otherhand, the best way I could put it was she was your typical spoiled brat mean girl and just always made me feel bad and down, and she’s just not enjoyable to be around due to being the kind of person who is one: Still like that, and two: always has to one up everything and I just don’t want to have to deal with it.
Now, the main question comes in, I’m starting planning my fiancé and ours wedding and we are finalizing the guest list for the invites, I’ve askes my mom and dad about this and said I would be extremely rude and a dickhead if I excluded anyone from the family, but these people have brought nothing but negativity, malice, and bad vibes in my life and I just don’t wanna deal with it, so WIBTA if I excluded them? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2Y4Khh6OGyLTBtn5qWacx7NmBZIuIdmP | abmuh1 | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone for kind of a dumb reason",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone for kind of a dumb reason | so, basically, I don't like kpop. I find the music confusing and cheesy. I have found no kpop, whatsoever, that I enjoy. And I used to be friends with someone who was obsessed with kpop. She said that she was "in love" with random kpop stars, and that she is sure that, despite the fact that most information about them comes from sources that aren't them, and that they don't even know she exists, she still knows that, if the kpop star and her were to meet, the kpop star would fall in love with her (despite the fact that all of these kpop stars are far, far older then her, and it would be considered pedophilia). I of course, told her, that you cant fall in love with a celebrity of any kind. If you do think you're in love with someone, who doesn't know you exist, and that you have never spoken to in your entire life, and probably never will, you aren't in love with them. She would get legitimately angry with me because I said I didn't like kpop very much, or if I said that I didn't find one of the kpop stars she was "in love" with attractive (or at least not as attractive as she did), she would just stop talking to me for a few hours. We got in a big fight over this stuff, and she blocked me. This happened a few months ago, and I doubt I can fix anything, but I still wanna know if im in the right in this situation, cause ive gotten both yeses and no's from the people ive asked | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
z4kL6oK5tgXKyyZspLo7ID6YT5i0PKKz | b4jbqs | {
"description": "asking my roommate to be home when he has guests over, particularly strange men",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For asking my roommate to be home when he has guests over, particularly strange men? | So I like the spot I live in and like my roommate alright, but this situation sort of has me feeling disrespected and a little nervous tbh.
My roommate is a 40 yo man, and not small. I’m a 125 lbs 28 yo woman, and carry my own just fine but unfortunately we move through the world a little differently. Mainly, I don’t really invite guys I don’t know to stay at my house. Not that I think random dudes are gonna hurt me, but I mean, common sense says there’s a likelihood it could happen. At least I can defend myself against someone who’s in my same weight class. Men tend to be outside of that.
My roommate has a burning man camp and loves to be host to people from all over the world, which is actually pretty cool. But it just weirds me out that he invited some guy to stay at our house when he was out of town with his girlfriend, didn’t really tell me until I asked him what was up, (he asked if I was gonna be home that night, I asked him if he was having a guest over).
So I’ve already texted him explaining this. I am hoping he understands where I’m coming from. As well, I have a dog who probably wouldn’t bite a stranger coming into the house, but I’d hate it if that happened. I asked for at least a heads up in future so I can decide to be there or not, and get my dog so he’s not acting like a guard dog to a stranger in the house when no one is home.
Yea, so I might be over cautious here, but my intuition says strange dudes in my house without their host is a bad idea. | HISTORICAL | {
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jTp13CtDFatHyfMoR7Kat0dgVMFVzQJM | b3nw71 | {
"description": "trying to get my older brother with tourretes to quiet it down",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for trying to get my older brother with tourretes to quiet it down? | His vocal tic is this really loud fucking noise that sounds like someone is clearing their throat. I can’t explain it perfectly. It’s like “UMMPH”. But it’s *loud*. You will hear it all across the house behind locked doors. It wakes me up every god damn morning. And he does it constantly—I’ve counted and I’d average it to around 6 times a minute. I can’t be around him. I won’t be in a room with him for long because it hurts my head. I don’t watch movies or shows with the family in the living room because I can’t handle the headache. My only moments of bliss are when he’s sleeping because he doesn’t do it.
I asked my parents about it. And they don’t want to get him medication that could help, but they’ll get me ear plugs. Are you fucking kidding me? And on top of this they treat me like I’m being insensitive. And they can tune it out so why can’t I? How they’re able to tolerate it is beyond me. I’m not exaggerating when I say he might as well be screaming when he makes this noise.
But here’s my big issue. The biggest one. I *know* this motherfucker isn’t doing his tic this loudly, this often at his school and job. There’s just no way. Think about this logically with me. He literally wouldn’t be allowed inside of a classroom with how loud it is. There is no way the people he sits next to in class tolerates it. The teacher wouldn’t be able to teach properly.
I get it. He’s comfortable at home, he’s around his family, so he feels like he can “let loose” with his urge while he’s here. But that’s not okay with me. If you are able to lessen the volume and the frequency, which you *have to* be able to do, then why can’t you do that around me?
I get treated like an insensitive asshole whenever I bring it up. I’m not allowed to be comfortable in my own home beside of this constantly screaming in my ear. I have no one to talk to about it. Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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fNpyoDxEVgx9KWDBfT1P1Nb2NmvIE02Y | afuvgh | {
"description": "wanting to bring my rabbits indoors for the winter when my boyfriend doesnt want me to",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to bring my rabbits indoors for the winter when my boyfriend doesnt want me to | So long story short.
My boyfriend and I have moved to a new city together so he can start his PhD. We've moved into a 2 bedroom house with just ourselves.
We share one bedroom and he's converted the spare room into his office.
I have 2 rabbits that I love unconditionally and now winter is setting in in the UK, darker days etc. I've found my rabbits can't play outside in their enclosure as much. Also because of my shift patterns (I work as a nurse), I haven't been handling them as much so they haven't been as friendly with cuddles recently.
I've asked my boyfriend whether he would mind if I set up an enclosure area in the front room. They won't be free roaming, it's all enclosed and the bunnies won't be able to get to any of our furniture. They're also toilet trained so they poop in a tray so very easy to clean. They can exercise more inside and people often find their rabbits become more friendly because they have more interaction.
He has given me a very firm no simply because he doesn't want rabbits in the house.
AITA for thinking he's being selfish? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
GTMClAwdbTqqwKeaSxz8CKtPy2mdVB7n | ani8wn | {
"description": "trying to talk my boyfriend out of getting a dog",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if i try to talk my boyfriend out of getting a dog? | English isn't my first language so sorry in advance.
My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in together, he has an apartment and I live at home. We have been looking for big apartments since his is a one room.
He has recently started talking about wanting to get a dog when we move together, don't get me wrong I love dogs but there are some problems.
First we both love big dogs but I've told him that a big dog won't be good choice as a first dog for us, big dogs don't do well in smal apartments.
Second we work iregularl hours (I work at a supermarket, he's a chef) since he wants a puppy to raise it would be hard with our working schedule.
And last I'm allergic to fure, and I don't think i can handle an animal. Dogs need a lot of work and dedication witch I don't think i can give it.
I know it means a lot for him to get a dog and I don't want to be an asshole because I want this to work but I don't know what else to say. My brother has a Labrador witch is nice but I can only handel her for a short time. I hate when people (and dogs) become super needy and demands attention 24/7. So if I can't stand my brothers dog how am I supposed to handel a puppy? I feel selfish but I know I've a hard time with people and attachment.
Am I the ashole for trying to talk him out of it?
I've consider adotion centers, since maybe getting an older dog or taking over a dog is a better option. | HISTORICAL | {
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k64OEySiAh1iFvEtUtCapOjtyehnPqlZ | a65wu4 | {
"description": "pretending to be in therapy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for pretending to be in therapy? | First off, I understand that mental illness is serious. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I would never make light of therapy.
That said, my mother is a narcissist. And I do mean a god damn fucking narcissist. To the point where in this book which I read, https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2133999.Will_I_Ever_Be_Good_Enough_Healing_the_Daughters_of_Narcissistic_Mothers my mother checked off on 31 out of 33 traits. It would have been 32 but one question I was not sure about because it seemed to be the kind of question that might require some mindreading, but still, 31/33. She will check off on nearly all if not outright all, for any other checklist someone might use for NPD.
I have so many stories of her narcissistic bullshit but that's not what this sub is for - let's just say that she is a liar, thief, serial cheater, and overall a user (of people) and shitty person who REFUSES to learn from her mistakes. For years she has manipulated me. However, several years ago, I crawled out of the FOG. I learned about JADE and why to not do it, I learned about DARVO and Gray Rock and all that shit. Sometimes when arguing with her I might slip back into old habits and start to JADE a bit but I have gotten much better at standing up for myself after doing plenty of reading (including the book above) and certain subreddits like justnoMIL.
Mother darling has definitely noticed a change in my behavior. When she DARVOs, I attack her with all the viciousness of the product of the mating between a meowl and a velociraptor, refusing to back down until we end up in a stalemate (which with a narc can basically amount to a victory) Before, when she would cry/act like the victim in an argument, I'd feel bad and give in. Now I just continue attacking because knowing that she is trying to manipulate me only fuels my rage.
God
She has tried to blame this on my SO. She constantly attacks him (to me) telling me he can't take care of me because he has a disability (I have a disability too, me AND SO work fulltime in good jobs) among other stupid attacks. (she even has attacked his physical appearance, she has no place to talk because she is 100-150 pounds overweight)
To deflect her attacks from him, as well as giving more cred to my newly-developed spine, a month ago I told her I had been seeing a therapist for over a year because of my anxiety and depression.
I didn't expect her to take this well and... well, my expectations were met. She mocked that fact, then asked me if my therapist was a legit, professional one, etc etc. Trying to worm out information about my "sessions" Even told me to make sure I told my therapist about all the WONDERFUL things she did for me my whole life.
This is why I said I was seeking a therapist - because there was no way I was going to tell her that I had gotten my shiny spine from people online. If she was going to make fun of a therapist, naturally she would mock Reddit or the books I read.
Thing is, I feel bad about lying about therapy. I would never mock anyone in therapy and I feel weird about lying about such a serious issue. I've had to repeat this lie to her a few more times when she complains about my changed behavior, or even tried to spin back what I said (ex. I said my therapist said that this specific behavior of my mother's is abusive. So now my mother calls my standing up to her abusive) so I have to maintain this lie that I am actually seeking a therapist. Normally I feel that people should NOT lie about therapy because I've seen people do this (or make up mental illnesses) for pity points/escaping responsibility.
AITA for making up a therapist to defend myself? | HISTORICAL | {
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8qrjTfhjk6XyLhV4oGtBRuV71NjJIMgA | aofz99 | {
"description": "dumping GF because she is bi",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 40
} | AITA for dumping GF because she is bi? | Throwaway here... So I've been seeing this girl "Jade" for about 5 months now. She's really fun and we have the same interests. I don't know that much about her personal life, since I don't like talking about personal stuff. It was shaping up to be potentially serious when she mentioned in passing that she is bisexual a few days ago. She said she prefers men, and that she's a monogamous person, but somehow I don't fully trust her knowing this information. I flat out told her that her being bi is a dealbreaker, and broke up with her on the spot. She got really upset, and told me she "thought I knew", and asked "why should it matter", and said she was really hurt because she had real feelings for me.
I just don't see myself with a bi woman, that's why I dumped her, but I've been getting shit from her friends and her for the last couple of days saying I'm distrustful and a bigot and that type of shit. Are they right, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 40,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 40
} | WRONG |
IrgyOEnR58c7YuSHrCUEICCLsRNXB0ah | 9u17kq | {
"description": "asking my mom to change the decorations in the kitchen",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA For asking my mom to change the decorations in the kitchen? | So a little background:
I am absolutely 100% terrified of chickens and I have no idea why. I couldn't tell you a single thing about chickens that is scary or creepy, but every time I see or think about them I am filled with overwhelming fear and paranoia...for seemingly no reason at all. I've never had any sort of traumatizing experiences with chickens or even a singular chicken unless I've somehow deeply suppressed the memory. Its become a running joke among my friends and family and I'm able to acknowledge that its a strange irrational fear but the sheer mention of chickens puts and image of one lurking behind me and then I find myself checking over my shoulder to seem if somehow one has managed to sneak up on me.
​
Well, recently my mom has completely redecorated our kitchen to be themed around CHICKENS of all things. This includes pictures of chickens, salt and pepper chicken shakers, plates and hand towels with chicken pictures and even statues meant to look like real chickens . {WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS???} I wish I could say I could ignore them, but no matter where you look there is always a chicken...staring...directly at you. I don't even know if she did this on purpose or if she just wasn't thinking, but wtfff I'm too scared to go into the kitchen now because I'm being watched.
​
To top it all off, my sisters (who definitely remember my phobia) have decided that it is HILARIOUS to take those life-like statues and stick them in cupboards so that when I open the door the chickens fall on me and send me into a panic. I haven't said anything to my mom yet because I know she spent a lot of money on all the decorations and I don't think she even thought about the fact that I am terrified of them.
​
So, all that being said, would I be the asshole for asking her to return the decorations and do a different theme?
​
TL;DR: I have an irrational fear of chickens and my mom has decorated the entire kitchen area in chicken decor. WIBTA for asking her to take it down? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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iDvhlANtTPJlZEJReRlC7e4kDhb9Ph76 | abrpyj | {
"description": "suggesting an engagement ring with a $2300 price tag",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for suggesting an engagement ring with a $2300 price tag? | We've been together 4 years, living together for about 3 years. He has to medically retire from the military, which can happen as soon as February. So we decided we'd like to do a courthouse wedding before then and do a small (30-40 people) wedding in Vegas later on so that our families can attend. I am so excited and happy that we are going to get married soon.
I sent him pictures of rings I liked, which are mostly rose gold halos with some sort of diamond alternative like morganite. I found my dream ring and sent him a link. I didnt say I had to have it, but I did let him know that this particular ring was my favorite so far.
Tonight while in bed he randomly asked me "How much is the most expensive dress you own?" To which I replied probably around $50. He then said something along the lines of "If that's the most expensive thing you own then why the hell would I buy you a $2300 ring?" He proceeded to say how ridiculous it was and laughed at me.
I feel like if he were to have said something along the lines of "I would love to get you that ring but I feel as though we should put some of that money towards the wedding or honeymoon," I would have been fine and open to that. But I ended up feeling like he was saying I wasnt worth it. I felt like shit and was immediately angry. I don't see what the cost of my own dresses have to do with my engagement ring..?
He makes around 50k so $2300 is definitely less than what he makes in a month. I also dont believe a guy should pay 3 months salary on a ring and those rules are silly. While this ring is my favorite I don't HAVE to have it. I'm fine with cheaper but similar styles. But I cant help but feel like shit based on his response.
One of the main reasons why im angry is because I've seen him make a lot of expensive purchases in the past 2 years that weren't needed. His justification is that if he uses it every day then it has to be nice... and expensive equates to "nice" for him. I dont know how many times I've heard him say that. The job opportunities that hes come across for after he leaves the military actually pay more than he gets paid now. It feels like hes saying I'm not worth it because I dont splurge on myself like he does on himself. Feels like he is saying Im "cheap," therefore I dont deserve that cost of a ring.
In his defense, it is a time of transition and uncertainty for him. Even though these other job opportunities look promising, it's not all set yet. We will also need to move out of state soon. We plan on having a small budgeted wedding (around 5k) after we move and he gets settled in a new job. So I get why he doesnt want to spend much right now. And I'm open to that. But I just feel so hurt.
AITA for suggesting a ring with that price? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 9,
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mIQvnDdYIj5xV2TQr9mFdM6zuVEr6UjK | avmo6o | {
"description": "yelling at my sister during her party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for yelling at my sister during her party? | Context: I'm twenty four and my sister is twenty and we live in our parents house. My sister has had parties in the past that have been mellow, and a couple that have made me extremely uncomfortable with how many people are there(my sister is aware of how uncomfortable these parties make me).
Recently, my sister told me she would be having people over on a weekend night while my parents were gone. This was fine but I ask for nobody to go upstairs or in the garage so they dont let out our animals. The night of I go about shutting and locking all the doors that need to be a locked and set up a gate up for the stairs.
When I entered the kitchen I asked someone if the room smelled like gas to them. Someone had leaned against the oven and left the pilot on for who knows how long. I turn it off.
I look at the stairs and it seemed like somebody tracked dark wet mud all the way up to the top. I follow the trail and try to get into my parents room. My parents door was locked so I pick the lock open. I wasn sure what to expect when I walked into the room but it ended up being a guy in the bathroom. I knock on the door and tell him he shouldn't be up there.
When i checked the garage someone moved everything and unlocked all the doors, again. I walk out to find four people sitting in my garage that doesnt have any lights sitting on the ground with the side doors open. They had let all of my moms indoor cats out.
Irritated now by the last few incidents. I find my sister who was in charge of the music. The music was very loud still so I yell multiple times for her to turn it down or off so I could make her look for my moms cats. I get her and a few people to go outside and help me find them. I was really upset during this time so and I told her it was really bad that someone had let them out and how upset I was. After a bit, fortunately we got them together and I put them all in my room for the rest of the night.
I walked out again and the room was filled with smoke and smelled like fire. The room was full of people yet nobody seemed to notice. Someone had leaned against the oven and turned it on causing a box someone set on it to catch on fire. I grab the flaming box and push through the group of people to set it in the sink.
The next day I get home from work to find my sister was loudly explaining to my parents on how upset she was that I yelled at her because the cats got out painting me as the villain of the night. Frustrated, I walked into the room and asked why she was saying such mean things. It turns out her best reason for saying all this was due strictly from the fact that I yelled at her about the cats. At this point with everything I had dealt with the night prior I exploded. I told my parents everything that had happened the night prior. She had nothing to defend her point, but now she wont talk to me and has disinvited me to our trip to various music festivals we had planned together this year. AITA for being so mad? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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ZjBNefviFR8VDutlYUOygbHq6OsbUH58 | amqh14 | {
"description": "being upset that boyfriend is gifting $20 state tax credit to his brother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being upset that boyfriend is gifting $20 state tax credit to his brother | Ok. Maybe super boring thing to bring up. Boyfriend and I have been living together for over 5 years. Over a year ago we moved into his family home with his sister and uncle after his mother died. He has been baring the brunt of all the household decisions (fixing old ass plumbing, etc). He is also addressing challenges that come with living with adult family members, one of which is retired and bringing in a small pension and the other that has had a job for a total of three months in the past 10 years and stays in the bedroom drinking most days. Prior to moving in, the boyfriend and I spent almost every weekend for 6 months cleaning out the family home of over 50 years of accumulated junk.
The other family member, Brother A, doesn't live in the family home, but has been bringing over a monthly amount to cover his part of property taxes and the home equity loan that their mother took out a while before she died. The brother doesn't live here, but wants to pay in so that the property (that's worth a ton of money, btw) won't get sold. The brother lives rent free with his girlfriend, but makes half as much as my partner and I do individually. Side note-the brother did not participate, although invited, in any of the 6 month weekend house cleaning events.
Enter the point-
Yesterday, my boyfriend was doing his taxes. He was getting to the state part where the tax software offers one free state tax processing. For the past 5 tax seasons he has gifted it to me, which was nice. It would be totally understandable if he used it for himself. But he said that he was going to have his brother use it because he makes half as much as we do. So I was mad because he deviated from a pattern unexpectedly and said it in a weird way. The brother has always made half as much and has always not paid rent as long as I've known him so what's changed? If the argument is financial then why isn't he considering the fact that I pay over 25% of my income on student loans. In fact, the only reason I can do this is because I live for low rent in the family home. So, it's crazy for me to even allow myself to jeopardize this situation, but I am looking forward to having a situation with more standing when the student loans are paid off. Ultimately, I'm not my boyfriend's child and he is under no obligation to want to have a partner he has to take care of. The brother goes away on weekends often with his girlfriend and drops money on hotels like crazy. The boyfriend also puts the brother on the shopping club card accounts, but, admittedly, I am always with the boyfriend for shopping days so it is probably no big deal. $20 is not that big of a deal, but I feel hurt about this and think, just maybe, I might be the asshole.
I confronted him about it and another separate issue relating to the brother last night and he said I'm being ridiculous. My gut feeling is, despite how minor this situation seems and how good our relationship has been, that this means something not so good. My boyfriend thinks I'm being petty about $20, but it's not really about the $20. I feel like he considers his brother over me and that he thinks the brother is putting in more effort than I think the brother is.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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AAY2PgVKtBa1uAgdvEXfU9pkmcXPgBvu | b9urvm | {
"description": "touching my ex's baby belly",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 79
} | AITA for touching my ex's baby belly | My ex and I split when she was 10 weeks pregnant. We have been on very good terms and have met up several times to work out issues of custody and how we want to raise our child.
The last time I saw her, she was really showing (34 weeks). As we were leaving, we hugged and I felt a pretty strong desire to bond with my child, so I put my hand on the bump so I could connect with him/her. She swatted my hands away and stepped back from me and told me not to touch her. I tried to explain that I was just trying to bond with my kid, and she can't understand where I'm coming from because she gets to have this close connection with him/her and I am so separated from the baby right now. She wasn't hearing me and left. Then she texted me and told me we should work the rest of it out formally in mediation. I texted to apologize, but she isn't answering. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 77,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 79
} | WRONG |
mGqcTiymz7vqmvL8yYdWvPrNCyyrGvpj | ax5q3m | {
"description": "going to church with my Ex's mom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going to church with my Ex’s mom? | My ex and I have been broken since July of 2018 and it ended quite poorly, she’s not allowed to talk to me because her boyfriend (she’s now dating the guy she was dating before me again) doesn’t allowed her to talk to me unless she wants to yell at me. We had no closure and that bothered me quite badly but with time I realized that it’s not on me, I tried but she refused to. Her and I had been together for three years and I moved to Germany to be with her and in that time her family became very good friends of mine, therefor I would go to church on Sundays, the same church her mom goes to and we’d talk for a few minutes afterwards. Nothing more than that. I recently returned to the little German town on Thursday and went to go pick up a box of stuff that she found that was mine. During that time I asked her if I would be seeing her at church that Sunday and she said yes. So, Sunday comes around and I go to church and she shows up a bit late with her dog, everything goes as normal and afterwards her and I start talking a bit, she’s not doing well because of her depression and she has a lot of worries so I asked if she’d like to talk about them, she said yes so we started walking back to her place (about 5 minutes from the church) and she told me what’s going on. Then, my ex comes out and walks right past me without saying a word. I thought it was a bit rude but I understood that she didn’t want to see or talk to me. I went home and she proceeded to text me that I’m not allowed to go to church there anymore because it’s “weird to be doing anything with my mother, you need to move on.” I really don’t want to stop going there, it’s small, I like the sense of community it has and as I’m not very religious, if I didn’t go there I most likely wouldn’t go at all. But it always felt special there. She threatened to bring her ex/new boyfriend with her to church if I continued to go there and they’d harass me, neither of them go to church regularly / at all. I decided it’s most likely not worth it because her mother isn’t doing well and doesn’t need that stress in her life and neither do I. Am I the asshole for wanting to still go to this church and be able to talk to her mother for 5-10 minutes a week?
TL;DR: I go to the same church as my ex girlfriends mother and talk to her for 5-10 minutes after the service. My ex then told me she’d bring her (ex before me)new boyfriend and make me stop going. Am I the asshole for wanting to still go to this church and be able to talk to her mother for 5-10 minutes a week? | HISTORICAL | {
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ja5iRozmn1T1jUq3mU2yeE0GNjOkO2jW | abt9mk | null | AITA Guy wants refund on eBay two and a half months after purchase | So a while ago my parents had a dishwasher still in the box, they were given it as a gift a while before that.
They asked me to list it on eBay so I did. The model sold for around $900 so I figured, it's been in a box, sitting here, it's still new and all but I'll mark it cheap. So I put it up for $250. I should note we didn't test it because we have no space at all for it.
Someone bought it, they came over and inspected it, and picked it up.
All was fine.
Two and a half months later I get an eBay message saying that the dude had left it sitting in his house the whole time and never used it, now he did and it didn't work, accusing me of scamming him, and that he wanted a refund.
He paid in cash and picked it up so eBay essentially told him to go screw himself when he complained.
I told him that I have no way of knowing if he'd done something to it, or installed it incorrectly / damaged it, and if he'd contacted me straight after we could have organised him, but I wasn't going to refund him almost three months later.
He went off at me, and I didn't want to deal with his swearing and behaviour so I just ignored him. He left me negative feedback. That feedback has expired now anyway and didn't impact my account.
My view was essentially that I have no way of knowing if he fucked with it, and that he said he was happy with it, didn't contact me for almost three months... So expecting a refund is absurd.
Been on my mind again lately so, AITA?
Happy to be judged as the asshole if I indeed am, at least then I can adjust in the future. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QkBfFAPQCgE5UIF0nRxx6rJxo6syZU7N | avyiwa | {
"description": "not pitching in on my boss' birthday gift",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I didnt pitch in on my boss' birthday gift? | So I just started working at a new job, Ive made some friends but I dont really consider them all that close because we all just met around the beginning of this year.
This includes my boss'. Ive got like three, two of which happens to be mother/daughter.
They are nice, and I like them however its painfully apparent their management could improve in several different areas. I know theyre not exactly on anyones good side right now for every person I've spoken to has something to say about it. Its usually not anything good. Plus, their performance has caused a few to quit. Good people might I add, caring, responsible, respectful. Its a shame, but also gives way to hinting at something shady that might be going on under the surface. Thats what I, and others suspect anyway based on what was talked about with a select few.
I'm just hoping they'll get it together with time, after all they just opened up late last year and managing can't be easy when you're forced to work overtime nearly every week because of underemployment.
So anyways, the mother, the top boss of the facility has her birthday fast approaching. Her daughter, the boss I usually go to if I would need anything, wants to celebrate with everyone at the workplace. To me thats strange, but I get it I think. Personally I'd want to keep my birthday private and celebrate between family and close friends.
Since I barely know the two I wasnt exactly planning on attending the party they are throwing. The more the daughter talks about it the more it sounds like shes expecting everyone to not only attend but pitch in on gift giving. (This is all via text mind you)
She wants to gift her mom a gift card, 100$, and explained that since we have ten workers we all should be able to put in 10$. That's what I make in an hour.
It would be reasonable to me if I knew these two better and considered them closer.
But I dont, its all purely impersonal. Friendly, but impersonal. I'm nightshift, so I hardly ever see them too.
I just think its wierd to be giving my boss money. Even if its her birthday. Isnt her family going to give her gifts? I dont know why they need me, near stranger, to gift her.
Either way, I am damned if i dont socailly, so I think i might contribute anyway. I usually have no problem at all throwing money to gift people I love, spoiling my siblings when I can afford it.
But this isn't just for me here, I mean i know a couple coworkers literally working 3 jobs, living paycheck to paycheck. It feels all too wrong to be asking money or gifts from them. >>; it doesnt feel right to me, I'm inexperienced so i dont know if its custom to do that for your boss.
I dont know if im being a stickler, gluttonous, or unreasonable. I dont know, what would you do in this situation? Am I an ass for not wanting to have anything to do with her birthday? I have half a mind to call her out but I dont know if Id be in the wrong. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
pUvHA2snd6pUXx6vvr7K3l9ZqVaGwRQ7 | ami2d1 | {
"description": "not wanting to go to my \"guy friend's\" house alone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go to my "guy friend's" house alone? | Context: I went to my friend's birthday party around 2-3 weeks ago, and I met one of her lifelong friends. At the party, we played truth or dare, so we ended up kissing. I ended up developing a tiny crush on him (we'll call him Javier). We all went out again two days later and we bumped into each other. Nothing really happened aside from some jokes that we would look good as a couple. The birthday girl (let's call her Julieta) asked him in private if he liked me, and he responds with "a little".
On Wednesday me, Julieta and Javier decided to go to a cafe. We ended up going to Julieta's house to watch a horror movie. She had already watched it so she wasn't paying a lot of attention. There was only one blanket, thus I and Javier shared it. He was getting extremely close to me, and I was ok with it. She had to leave the living room twice to either go to the bathroom or her sister asked her for something. Therefore, we began to make out. He talked about how he liked me and complimented me. It felt more lust than love, honestly. We had to go early to go home because it was getting late, and I didn't want to walk alone when it's dark.
Fast forward to Friday, he kept asking me for nudes, so I delivered (which I regretted it the moment I sent it, so I deleted it. But since we were using whatsapp, it saves the image to his phone). He then asked where I lived so he could go to my house on Monday to "get to know each other" and he kept insisting for us to be alone. I told him no, because my mother wouldn't let me. He went on how no one would find out and it's not a big deal. I kept refusing so he says to visit his house (while the both of us alone). I asked him why we couldn't do this outside. He responded with "No, my aunts are everywhere and they'll snitch about us". He also talked about how his brother is sometimes at his house, then I told him, "So why can't your brother be there with us?". He answered, "Just no, it's not like I'm going to have sex with you". I didn't respond for some time and he just went ahead and texted me, "You know what? Don't even come to my house". I wrote him back with a simple "ok" and we haven't talked since.
So AITA for refusing to be alone with him at his house? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YSkTn12M1X6SQB991mWpQXFlWIx4i27r | aizoo9 | {
"description": "not telling my boyfriend about the snow",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For not telling my boyfriend about the snow? | I usually take my daughter to school in the truck, and he usually walks his boys because their school is close (a block away). Either way I am home before the boys even walk to school.
So last night my boyfriend and I were arguing and he out of spite told me that he was taking the boys to school in the truck, then going to his doctors appointment right after. I told him that it doesn't really matter if I use the truck or not because I am home before they leave anyways, but he told me to send my daughter with my sister to walk to school.
So this morning was like a foot of snow, blizzardy snowstorm. I knew there was a shit tonne of snow outside, I bundled my daughter up to walk to school with my sister and her kids. I didn't inform my boyfriend of the insane amount of snow on the truck that he would have to clean off (which I usually do). He left with only a few minutes to get his kids to school, and he saw all the snow and lost his shit on me. He then called and bitched me out for not telling him ahead of time.
So AITA? I honestly don't think I need to inform him on everything considering I'm not his mother.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
KzwL9MKP7Zi3SoLUjXykYzuixMztGGNZ | ad8kmq | {
"description": "asking my neighbor to make sure their kids do not shoot fireworks so close to the car",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my neighbor to make sure their kids do not shoot fireworks so close to the car? | It was New Year’s Eve. I live in a small apartment complex that has 2 separate apartments. One on top and one on bottom. I live in the top and my neighbors on the bottom.
I notice that my neighbors are celebrating the new year and have guests over including a lot of kids. They begin shooting fireworks so I take a look. When I get to the window I notice that the kids are shooting fireworks near my car. To picture my parking situation imagine a rectangle as the building and form an L around the building.
The bottom of the L is the side of the building and where I park. The top part of the L is where they park and close to their front door. Not much of a yard to do anything with.
So anyway when I look I notice not only are they on my side away from all their vehicles and are shooting fireworks on top of a brick which seems unstable.
I go outside and walk down and see the kids over there and the owner of the bottom unit. I walk up to him and just politely ask hey can you guys move away from my car just a little bit closer to the middle of our building and he says “dude just go inside” I got under control.
I did NOT say this in a mean way. We’ve only had one other incident. It is that they were putting their trash in my garbage can that I pay for. I never said anything but One day it was to full to put mine in so I took their trash out and sat those bags on the ground. He later asked me how much money I want to let him put his trash and I say none. It would be better if he got his own because one can not support both households. But a bag here or there won’t hurt.
Other than that no incidents have occurred and I felt that his comment to just go back inside was unnecessary. I ended up telling him that if anything happens it’s on them and to have a great new year and have a good night.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dR88MBzPkFYroXAMoQQsjq84jGzfnUM1 | 9vdmex | {
"description": "quiting painting with friends because I suck and don't enjoy it anymore",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for quiting painting with friends because I suck and don't enjoy it anymore? | About 4 months ago me and 2 other friends signed up for painting lessons. We were all interested back then wanted to give it a try. 4 months later everyone except me seems to have booked progress. I'm talking about people painting Bob Ross style of paintings versus me who's paintings still look the same as when I started (which also look the same as my paintings I did when I was 8). This despites continuously practising at home, watching painting videos, learning about different styles, etc...
When I told my friends I wouldn't continue anymore because I don't enjoy it anymore and get embarrassed between the others with my mess, they said I ruined the fun for them and that I was overreacting. They also called me selfish since I was the only one with a car and the practice place is far away (we live in a remote area and while I was the one driving, they did pay for the gas etc, though, we never really agreed on something like this.) We still had 4 months of painting lessons to go which we all payed up front, so they are also pissed that it would be wasted money now | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gWXKGulGgc3CS6pmqVWzm3jvQPVxe9m7 | b5r0ro | {
"description": "leaving my friend at school",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for leaving my friend at school? | Brief background: my friend has to pay for his own gas and my parents pay for it so about 1-2 times a week I’ll drive him to school (he lives like 6 minutes away from me so it’s not a big deal).
Him and I were hanging out yesterday and I asked him if he wanted a ride to school today, and he said yes because he was planning on taking the bus anyways. After my first of two classes, I get a text that my next class ( a three hour lab) has been cancelled, but he still has his class (a three hour lab at the same time).
I tell him that I’m going to go home and I’m sorry about the inconvenience, but I didn’t want to wait for 3-5 hours (my first class ends at 9:15 and lab starts at 11). He then starts to get annoyed (understandably) and curses me out. Particularly him saying that it was my obligation to take him home pisses me off because I was doing him a favor. Also, his motto is “I’m gonna do what I wanna do and you have to deal with it” and now that I gave him a taste of his own medicine, he’s angry. In a few days it’ll all be over because he’s my best friend and we have arguments such as these on a bi weekly basis, but now I am livid.
Tl;dr I told my friend I was gonna take him to school, but when my three hour lab got cancelled, I went home early so he has to take the bus home instead of me waiting 3-5 hours to take him home. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
EVRGI4XiFXehdocuHGjdO32pAK5e6yYb | agh152 | {
"description": "getting upset with someone wanting to pet my dog while I was cleaning up after him",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting upset with someone wanting to pet my dog while I was cleaning up after him? | My husband and I typically walk our dog every evening in order to get his energy out. To give some background on our dog: He is a gorgeous dog--when I say that I'm not just being biased; he's from a line of showdogs that just didn't meet the standards of the breeder, and given that we train therapy dogs (NOT service dogs) we decided to go with him. We have received compliments on him since he was a puppy, from random strangers, to groomers, to people literally driving by in their cars. At first it didn't bother me much until people started to approach him without asking. As I stated before, he's being trained for therapy as I have a business in counseling and have several clients interested in participating in animal-based therapies with dogs. In order for him to be trained properly he needs to pass two tests: CGC - Canine Good Citizen and the Therapy Dog Test. When people approach him without asking or make noises to get his attention and distract him in an attempt to have him pull towards them, it screws with his training. We have since gotten a "training - please do not distract, please ask to pet" vest for him and have a bit more success with strangers leaving us be. Still, that doesn't stop everyone.
Rewind to a few days ago: I was walking our dog and he (dog) was squatting to poop. My husband wasn't with us as he had to stay late for work, nbd. I can handle walking our pooch on my own. Now our walks: It usually takes about an hour of walking him before he goes (he's picky, what can I say) so when he *does* go we like to just let him be. As he was finishing up I started to pick up the poop and someone approached us, one hand out to touch our dog without asking. I was kind of annoyed by this--here I am, trying to cleaning up literal shit, the dog literally has a training vest on that says "PLEASE ASK" and he's (the guy) just trying to pet my dog without my seeing. Once he sees that I not only see him but am annoyed, he looks at the vest, and then asks. I respond, "Dude, we're a little busy right now," and show him the dog shit I'm picking up. The guy then made a disgusted face, called me rude, and walked away.
I get that I could have been a little more polite than pointing out the actual shit. Maybe this is just a compounded frustration of people feeling entitled to touch my dog because he's fluffy/cute. Did I react to harshly? AITA?
**tl;dr: Training a dog for therapy, dog has a vest on that says to ask before petting; while I'm picking up my dogs poop someone tries to pet him without asking; I point out the poop to the guy and he gets mad and walks away. Should I have just let him pet my dog since he eventually asked? AITA?** | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
01OG4WUE04C0K3K8yyiAuw3TTJujb5bj | b9jrcl | {
"description": "wanting to Decline a Family gathering",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Wanting to Decline a Family Gathering? | My niece's birthday party is approaching. Many in-laws, friends of the family, and children (a large percentage of which I have no real relationship with) will be attending.
As someone who suffers from both social anxiety and a stutter, these types of situations make me very uncomfortable. It's incredibly difficult for me to speak and hold a conversation. I can't relax and enjoy myself. I'm on edge the whole time.
In the past, I've always attended these gatherings (holidays, ect.), but as I grow into my mid 30's, I feel I deserve a break from the stress. Just the thought of blowing off this party brings me instant relief.
I would love to be honest and tell my family how I feel, but I'm afraid I will come across as a selfish dick. Most people don't understand the emotional baggage and embarrassment that accompanies having a stutter, or social anxiety. I'm afraid they might think I'm making excuses, and trying to play the "I'm special so give me an exception" card.
Have I earned a reprieve, or should I go and simply "grin and bear it?" | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aKCsVIJiJdeFAdk7yVsIzKn5Lk67qghR | 9v4cyw | {
"description": "feeling like this was rude even if my boyfriend was technically \"right\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for feeling like this was rude even if my boyfriend was technically "right"? | Disclaimer: This situation in particular is really resolved I guess in that we argued and then stopped arguing and moved on and I'm not really holding a grudge. I just really.. don't know if I was right in my feelings on the matter.
Last week me and my boyfriend went to dinner before a large event in town. My boyfriend had been sliiightly irritable earlier in the day, but we both have a handful of mental health issues and work so that happens semi-often. He was fine when we left for dinner.
At dinner (Red Robin's btw), there was a football game on one of the TVs. I think it was the Patriots and the Packers? He was watching on and off while we had conversation. We arrived at the topic of sports, and then sports mascots, and how a lot of NFL teams aren't even real mascots.
He mentioned it would be funny to found a team and have your mascot just be some incomprehensible creature, and I was like oh, that's a thing, let me show you a picture! The Philadelphia Phillies (Baseball) have a mascot just called the Fanatic who is... weird. No discernable creature.
It took me like 10 sec to unlock my phone and get to pulling up the pic. Without looking at me (he kept his eyes locked on the TV which was behind me) he said "no". I said, oh, it's just a picture, and he repeated himself "no". I would like to also say he said it semi-hostiley, not super aggressive or yelling, but sounding annoyed.
I was really confused, and kept insisting, and moreso asking "but why???" and he just said "because I don't want to!" and I continued to be like, but. WHY???? We went back and forth and he said "I'm saying no and need to respect me when I say no even if I don't have a reason".
Now, we fought more after this and it escalated. I definitely (probably?) overreacted by getting really frustrated and upset by this and threatening to leave dinner (which is not what I'm asking about BTW, that was probably an asshole thing) and after maybe 15 min we both calmed down and returned to dinner.
While we argued though he made it about me "not respecting him and his no" which... I don't feel like I have to say the weird things that starts to imply (which I brought up to him afterwards), when, to me... It was just rude??? Like, ok, yes, I guess, in general, if somebody does not want to do something I should not and try not to make them do it.
But how is it NOT rude to just... blatantly refuse to look at a thing COMPLETELY RELEVANT TO THE CONVERSATION and give literally NO CONTEXT AS TO WHY?? He eventually "explained" it was because he didn't like me being on my phone at all while we were on a date (which is totally fair but nothing he had ever brought up beforehand) but... isn't there at least a much nicer way to go about this? Even a "no thanks, not right now" or "I'll look later" or "actually can you please not be on your phone right now"???
AITA??? I legitimately don't know. I usually feel confident in our arguments whether or not my feelings are legitimate but... I honestly cannot tell this time. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eE23a21qCSZYeo9iJRZMFcvma7bfdcme | b25rx7 | {
"description": "not letting my friend drive after smoking weed",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not letting my friend drive after smoking weed? | Last night my friends and I met up for a bit of a party. Everyone had a good time and it was going pretty well.
Towards the end of the night one of my friends got up to leave and drive home.
 
Now full disclosure during the night we were all smoking some weed.
 
My friend starting saying it was their choice if they wanted to drive and to mind my own business.
 
I tried explaining how it's not just his choice and that if I was to let him drive and endanger himself and others I would hold myself responsible too.
My friend then went out to his car and started it. I quickly ran out and stood out in front of the car and told him to go inside the house and just crash for a few hours.
 
A huge argument started with me repeatedly saying "You're being stupid" , "Just crash for a few hours" , "stop being an idiot"
 
His only real defense was "it's my decision and you should mind your own business"
 
I said "You're my friend and I can't let you do this, I'll stand out there all night" to which he replied "we're not friends". He squared up to me and was repeatedly hostile and aggressive.
I've know this guy over 10 years and would consider him one of my closest friends.
 
Eventually my friends convinced him to go inside and crash. He left early this morning, I wouldn't put it past him to sneak out and drive out of spite but I honestly don't know what time he left.
 
I honestly don't know how to move forward with him. He's one of my closest friends but if he can't understand how endangering himself and others is not ok and that he can't "make his own decisions" then I'm not sure how I can be his friend.
 
Should I just let it go? Allow him to do what he wants? Stop being his friend? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
X7xdGR6dyAmmEz79EUYAVAq1XNO2cQ7S | ah6sep | {
"description": "not thanking my husband for taking care of our son",
"pronormative_score": 69,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not thanking my husband for taking care of our son? | Long story short: I’ve been at work early, late, and sometimes both this week for client meetings. This is not an every-week kind of occurrence. Typically I’ll work roughly 9-5:30 M-F with occasional travel.
90% of the time I pick up the kiddo because his day care is on the way home from my office. Most mornings I get him dressed and fed while husband sleeps in and then drop kiddo off at day care.
Tonight my husband gets all fired up that I didn’t thank him for picking up our son at day care, feeding him, and giving him a shower tonight. I say that’s called parenting, not a “favor.”
So...Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 63,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 69,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
zyZ24dppxicfTPgRD0gqlP5i36yfuYYA | ad6pxe | {
"description": "not wanting to pay my Son's grandmother to watch him",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 40
} | AITA For Not Wanting To Pay My Son’s Grandmother to Watch Him? | Currently deployed, have a son who will be a year old here this month. Stateside his mother lived with me because she doesn’t work and her family lives far away so it’s the only way I get to see my son every day. I provide for them financially in every way. I am sending her money while I’m gone.
I left fairly recently, and while I am gone she will be splitting time (a few months a piece) between her family and my family so they can spend time with my son and help support her. Yesterday, she asked me if I would be ok with our son being in daycare for half the day M-F so she can go to the gym and work on her esthetician license. Her mom runs a daycare out of the house. I am fine with this as it gives her a chance to have some time to herself and the kid can socialize with other kids. So, I told her I’d be fine with that and then she starts talking about how much it will cost. I said, “I have to pay my son’s grandmother to watch him?” She then says that her mom is running a business and she could have a paying client blah blah blah.
We went back and forth a little bit and I said I think it’s bullshit I’d have to pay my son’s grandmother to help out taking care of him while his dads deployed and I thought that was the whole point of her going up there. The only silver lining to me being gone is that he’d get to spend time with family and they’d get to spend time with him. It really kinda miffs me that I’d give anything to get to spend time with my kid and I’d have to pay his family to do that. The most frustrating part is I’d honestly be surprised if this was coming from my son’s grandma and not his mom. She’s very stubborn and after saying all this still doesn’t understand where I’m coming from and thinks I just don’t want him in daycare.
Am I missing something? AITA? How do I get her to understand where I’m coming from? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 33,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 5
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 40
} | WRONG |
F0mbFQZNnzWvoRek6ClYren6efzNzBjR | a8qqgm | {
"description": "asking what happened when a fight breaks out in my public discord server",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking what happened when a fight breaks out in my public discord server? | Recently, my friends have been getting into petty argumemts, but big but still arugmemts. When I had popped on the server 1 week ago, I see +500 messages from 3 of my friends, which it looked like they were bitching all about some game. When I had asked, what happened, two had responsed with, "You don't need to know." and, "Fuck off, this is our business not yours." I had then said, "this is 1. My discord server so it kinda is my fucking business if I see over 500 new messages, and 2. If your gonna fight over some petty shit again, do it in your guy's dms because then no one will ask, 'what the fuck happened' ". They just proceeded to cuss me out and I've put them on parole (a role on my server). Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cRjrsqaSal7Ou3WxguA6K1xrzzP4yGeO | ayj9bi | {
"description": "wanting to remain friends with someone in a relationship when asked not to",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to remain friends with someone in a relationship when asked not to? | I (19F) met one of my really good friends who we'll call Rachel (20F) during our first week of freshman year of college. In the second semester of our second year, we're still really close.
Last semester, Rachel met and started dating a girl (19F) that we'll call Morgan. I wouldn't say that Morgan and I are friends, but we've hung out, either with Rachel (with me as the third wheel) or with our group of friends.
I'm a lesbian, Rachel has just recently begun publicly identifying as bisexual, and I don't know about Morgan's label(s).
Before I get to the problem, I should say that Rachel is really, really, *really* affectionate. All the time and with everybody. She's constantly hugging me, playing with my hair, and saying she loves me. But she does this with everyone, so I've never really thought too much about it.
Here's the problem, though- The other day, Morgan literally cornered me in the dorm bathroom and said she wanted me to stop being friends with Rachel. When I asked why, she didn't really give me a straight answer, all she said was that it was weird for her and we needed to stop. I told her I wasn't interested in Rachel like that and I left. We haven't spoken since, which has been a little awkward.
I'm not looking for a relationship right now, and I've said that with both Morgan and Rachel present. Even if I was, I'm not interested in Rachel in anything more than a friendly way, and I wouldn't go after someone in a relationship. I don't think Morgan's talked to Rachel about what she said to me, and if she has, Rachel hasn't said or done anything differently.
I understand that Morgan might not like that Rachel is so affectionate with everyone but I don't think I should have to cut her off because of that. I don't want to make Morgan feel uncomfortable but Rachel is one of my best friends and I don't think this is fair. AITA for staying friends with her?
| HISTORICAL | {
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EAi3hWMcA9HnxCd1T1TvaJEyE84tQNJE | b3j3fc | {
"description": "asking the girl I'm dating to change her bra",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 126
} | WIBTA if I asked the girl I'm dating to change her bra? | Long story short I've been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks and things have been going pretty good. I've even met her family and the whole 9 yards. The thing is she stayed at my place 3 nights in a row this week (mon,tues,wed) and while she did shower and change clothes, I noticed she's worn the same bra for THREE DAYS IN A ROW. When I saw her wearing it again today i nearly gagged on the spot.
WIBTA if I asked her to change her fucking bra already? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 126,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 23,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 43,
"WRONG": 126
} | WRONG |
uiGHuLthScPIsz0ELDwMBMfftEFvV3fC | b8l7nu | null | AITA - My best friend cut me off after an incident, since then we've barely talked and had no closure | For some context, this was my best friend for about 10 months by the time she cut me off. We basically spent all of last summer together and back then I couldn't imagine we would go our separate ways this soon.
Basically, the issue started when she would always talked bad about my other close friend because she was my best-friend's close friend, which she thought violated some unspoken bro code. But the things she was saying behind her back were really weighing down on me. I couldn't just sit and let her tear her apart, especially with the close friend not there to defend herself.
To simplify this, I will call my ex-best friend friend 1. The close friend will be friend 2.
Basically, I told a different friend, who we'll call friend 3, who I thought was a confidant that I didn't like how friend 1 was talking about friend 2, and basically revealed the reason to be that friend 2 was dating friend 1's close friend. I did it to release some of the weight from having one friend talk bad about another.
Within a few days, friend 3 tells someone else,who he says "asked" him, then that person tells friend 1 that she heard friend 1 has beef with friend 2. Friend 1 proceeds to tell me how mad she is at me, and I explain why I did it and that I was so sorry and that it wasn't my place. I basically admitted to my mistakes and apologized profusely. Friend 1 then tells me if I believe friend 3, we're about to have even bigger problems. I decide she is mad and give it a few days.
We go a few days without talking, and I come back and try to fix things after the dust settles. I send a long text message saying this isn't worth ruining our friendship over, that we have historically helped each other grow and we've been able to laugh it out together whenever high school gets rough.
She doesn't respond to my message at all.
Now, over a month later, we have the occasional small talk about grades or a test, but nothing that would be considered more than "acquaintance". I want to tell her how much I miss her, and how I just want things to go back to the way they were, but I'm scared the damage is done.
I don't know if friend 3 said the truth that he got asked when he revealed this to another person, but we since have been pretty close. The only way I could think he relates to this is that she's even more angry that I have forgiven him for telling other people what I shouldn't have told him in the first place.
What should I do? Should I reach out to her? Do I deserve a second chance or is what I did unforgivable? Am I the asshole, or is she partially responsible for what happened to our friendship? I know we may never become friends like we once we're, but maybe talking to her could at least let us reach closure? | HISTORICAL | {
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FkPp5aYgheiZIwYeDPZ6wWl9vmnpvK31 | ab0fu6 | {
"description": "not being very sympathetic to my wife for her self inflicted problem",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for not being very sympathetic to my wife for her self inflicted problem? | I used to think I wanted children, but after we had the first I discovered that setting myself on fire would be the preferred option, if I had the choice. Unfortunately, my wife disagreed. Eventually she persuaded me to have a second child. You do not need to tell me that this is the stupidest thing I have ever done.
​
Surprise! I'm not that happy about it. 4 years now of sleep deprivation related brain damage have left me staggering through each day, barely awake some days, dosed up on coffee other days. I'm not delighted.
​
Even more surprising - she's not that delighted either. It's hard work being a stay at home mother to two children. But this was not unexpected, since it was hard work with number one as well. The fact that it's hard work was the main reason I didn't want number two, and part of my argument was that I didn't think she would be able to handle it either.
​
So now when she complains about how tired she is, how tough it is with two, and how awesome it is for me to be able to go to work and get out of the house, I feel like telling her to fuck right off. I don't do it. Well, maybe once, and not in those exact words.
​
AITA for not having much sympathy when the decision was mostly hers, and the things she's complaining about are the reasons I didn't want to do it? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
XPJoVCZMHjIx25cdwBBXLPuzbybetaL5 | 9ymern | {
"description": "breaking my sisters vape",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for breaking my sisters vape? | Typing on mobile ignore formatting
So basically our apartment doesn't allow tenants to smoke or vape in the apartments going so far to evict tenants and were facing the main office with a big window view into our living room. So I laid out 1 rule for my sister which is to not vape inside the house or I'd break her vape. This wasn't impossible because we have a patio which you're allowed to smoke or vape on.
Within the week I caught her vaping inside. Which I let slide. Then I catch her yet again so I give her a small lecture which she just blows me off. Then just 2 days later I come home after a long day of doing errands and work and see that she has 3 people over and they're all hot boxing the shit out of the living room. I was furious to say the least so in anger I snatched the vape from her, walked outside and threw it into the concrete. Then kicked out all her friends.
For context we all are on the lease and I can't always keep an eye on her all the time because I'm the one doing all the work around the house and currently am the breadwinner.
So am I the asshole?
TLDR we cant vape In apartment. I Told her she cant vape in house. She didnt listen. I broke vape. | HISTORICAL | {
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zi99iiUJSyh44aEbqbdTuT0Ct4vysjMN | ava6ai | {
"description": "letting my friend unknowingly drink from my water glass",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for letting my friend unknowingly drink from my water glass? | We were at a networking event with presenters and dinner, and once the presentations started I guess she just kind of zoned out and started using my water glass. I didn't notice until she was a few sips in, but I still didn't tell her that it was my glass. I dunno, I thought it would make her uncomfortable? And I'd have to point it out in front of people from industry who were sitting at the table?
​
Was that the wrong move? I don't think she's squeamish about germs, and I didn't continue to drink from the glass after that. She never noticed. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
CRZIXZXmeGeEradWUC1AipxFf9H88OzT | aobvzm | {
"description": "not wanting to hang out with a recently divorced old semi-friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to hang out with a recently divorced old semi-friend? | I've always had a low-tier friendship with this person. Not a close friendship, but the kind of friendship with somebody where you catch up with them from time to time, realise you have very little in common with them, and then don't see them again for six months. For the record I don't have many of these kinds of friendships, but I have a hard time saying no to people when they seek me out.
Since his wedding 18 months ago I have not seen or heard from him once. He stopped cultivating his garden so to speak, and only spent time with his wife (who is much younger) and her friends. Basically, he let her put all the effort in for them both when it came to socialising and couldn't be bothered with the people he used to know. He moved away and started a new life.
His wife abruptly left him two weeks ago, and since then he reached out and has clung to me and another one of my good friends like a rash. Strange text messages in the middle of the night, essays about how depressed he is, etc. We've both felt bad for the guy because he's going through a really rough time (his wife is already with a new guy, who she was probably cheating on him with) and have caught up with him a couple of times to soften the blow/genuinely tried to make him feel better. He usually spends our time together complaining how he's now cut-off from the life he had, which is fair enough, and how he has no-one to hang out with. I genuinely feel bad for the guy.
I have absolutely nothing in common with him though, and he is leaning on me as though I was his brother or best friend. Each catch up is a therapy session and it's really draining.
I don't consider him a friend, but I don't want to make a bad situation worse for him so I keep catching up with him and pretending to care, but I'm running out of f\*\*\*s to give...
AITA?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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UjYL89K18EAo0bGsoCjmzXJu3adSVgnG | b6r6sn | {
"description": "telling my roommate to clean up after herself",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my roommate to clean up after herself? | Some backstory, I've lived with my current roommate for 2 years now, and I'm moving out in about a month because of the location and the fact that I'm no longer enjoying our living situation due to many factors and tensions over the course of living together. We currently aren't really talking, not due to a big fallout but because we just slowly talked less and less and it just became almost zero communication other than hellos and goodbyes (although the past couple days she has ignored me when I say those as well.)
We had an incident a couple weeks ago where I hadn’t noticed that I left part of the counter messy for a couple days, and she told me she was upset that I hadn’t cleaned it yet. I apologized and cleaned it.
There was a period a couple days later where I had come home to the kitchen absolutely trashed about 5/7 days of the week. As in food, trash, and cooking utensils on almost every surface. I felt quite justified in saying if she expects me to clean up after myself (a completely reasonable request) that I should be able to expect the same from her. She said she noticed and it that she was sorry, but she ended up bringing it back around to my clean up and how she was really annoyed that I just hadn’t cleaned it up.
There was more to this conversation but at one point I said if it bothered her that much she could just clean it herself, and she responded it’s not her job to clean up after me, which I agreed to, I just didn’t feel the situation required an angry response.
Here’s where I wanted to ask if I’m the asshole. There have been two areas on the counter and our dining room table that have been sticky and gross for a couple days now from her cooking/eating. I believe she didn't notice, and I brought it to her attention, not exactly politely but not rudely either, and asked her to clean it, using the words that she had said to me in the previous incident.
She said sorry, and that she may have missed something when she cleaned after she cooked, but now she is ignoring me and it is still not cleaned.
Am I the asshole for not just sucking it up and cleaning it myself? What I did feels petty to me as it's really not a big deal and it is relatively easy to clean. I only have a month living here left and I'm trying not to make it a hostile living environment, but it feels very hostile, not only because of this but other things in the past. I could have easily avoided an argument and simply cleaned it myself, like I said to her about the first incident. Am I being a hypocrite? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
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} | WRONG |
uQGXyDS6lQIQAsKxinub9Z4P4MqmyOt9 | ai4piq | {
"description": "not wanting to go to hocky practice a day before 2 finals",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to go to hocky practice a day before 2 finals? | TLDR: My mom was angery ant a employ that quit with no notice, so she decided to yell at me and embarrass me in front on my hockey coaches. And wasted one hour of my possible study time.
My mom wanted me to go to my hockey practice, I would have gone but I had 2 finals the next day and I need to study for them. When we were at the house I told her that I needed to study, because I did not have much time to study to day after I woke up at three pm (I woke up at three pm because I was studying until three am) she did not listen to me and she went out into the car, I went to the car because I did not want her to come back in and yell at me and my brother or break our stuff (she already broke my computer monitor)
When I got in the car she started driving.
While we were driving I told her that I was up till three studying because I am very worried about my finals, she said that that was my problem and she doesn't care. I asked her if we could stop to talk and work this out with out a argument she said no we are still going there if you like it or not, she said I did not give her 24 hours notice so I could not stop this. I asked if I could call the coaches and ask if it is ok I do stayed home studying for my finals, she said call them and handed me her phone. I called the all the coaches numbers and none of them picked up (I think they were all driving to the practice)
When we got to the rink I asked her why she was doing this and she said I had an employee quit with no notice after a full days work and I think this is the problem with melenals these days (I am not a melenal I was born in 2003) I asked her why she was putting her anger for another person on me, she dodged the question and said you melenals don't commit to anything, I asked again and she said am not putting and anger on you I am just saying you can't commit to a job or anything like that. I can and have commited to a job and I did a good at it, I worked the job for as long as the position existed, I also commend to football and I went to every practice and game I also do the same with hockey but since I have exams I need to focus on studying. She then yelled at me and insulted me in the car then said either go talk to the coaches or play. At this point I was crying and said I don't want this to become a bigger argument and I want to know why you are so angry at me. She left the car and said that she does no need this from me. I went in and told the coaches that I could not be at practice today because I need to study. They then laughed and thought I was joking I said no and I need to go they said ok and I left (I was still crying during talking to the coaches) and me and my mom had a silent ride back home
When we got home my brother asked why we are back I told him the story and he said I was in the wrong.
So am I the a hole, or why did my mom act this way. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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Oi5Q0IkhAYfiOXL8yNBfAbSDykDfKkp4 | anwdwh | {
"description": "being mad my bf lied about being a virgin",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being mad my bf lied about being a virgin | Throwaway account
I've been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. When we first met he told me he was a virgin, in his mid twenties. He knew I was not as I've been open about past relationships. Ours is the only "real relationship" he has been in.
The other day it somehow came up and he made a comment like "yeah that's what you think". After half an hour he finally admitted that he had lied to me about it. For years. He tried playing it off like he only said it the one time but I know that we have had multiple conversations around it over the course of the relationship.
To clear it up I'm not mad that hes wasnt a virgin but I dont know why he lied about it. His excuse was because of his religious family but I remember him telling me he had done everything else but sex. He also told me he had been waiting for marriage. That was a big deal to me. I was really patient and put up with a lot off bullshit over the last few years. I felt responsible in a way , to really push through issues in the relationship or cut slack because I took his virginity that he said he had beenwaiting to lose with the right person.
He basically told me I "couldnt stay mad at him" and asked me what I want him to do, since he lied about it a long time ago. He apologized but the fact he was trying to lie when I was confronting him makes me really upset. I feel like hes lied about a bunch of other things now. He keeps telling me to drop it/get over it and that I'm an asshole if it changes my view if him but honestly right now it does. Aita?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xyW0mEMTe5KvaODh0059kCVl6eEMmfgw | b3tzfj | {
"description": "putting an \"autistic\" person back in is place",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | WIBTA if i put an "autistic" person back in is place? | First, i have all the respect for autistic person. throwaway account
​
so there is this girl in my classes for student who changes studies mid-year we'll call her hannah, she had some kind of ,i'd say autism (i'm not a doctor, she didn't take all the test) with severe attention disorder. on the day where everyone introduce himself to the group, she made a specific point where she was a boy and thus we should say "he". Tbh i already knew i was going to avoid her because i'm easy on sarcasm and if people get easily trigger, they won't get along with me. I carefully choose my friend and i knew i shouldn't go anywhere close to her to avoid a disaster
​
everyone of us had to make a very short presentation (2-3 minutes), but she made a 20minutes powerpoint presentation of transgender problem or something like that, i didn't really pay attention, i didn't really pay attention to anyone for that matter. but hers presentation was way too long and with some scientific innacuracy or even ethics problem. however boring, i didn't care much since i'm not gonna talk to her about anyhting. hannah always thinks of her as the victim of the society, and whenever she speaks about a subject she barely know, she acts like an all-knowing.
​
but on the presentation of someone else hannah mades a comment making the girl making the presention kind of insulted. the girl made a quick comment brushing off her opinion. the reaction of the student doing is presentation was a bit harsh in a sense where it politely but firmly telling hannah not go into a debate with her. probably for the same reason as me, knowing the girl.
everyone is bashing her for being rude to hannah but i understand her.
she speaks to me but i tried to kindly make the discussion short or simply ignore her
so reddit, WIBTA if i tell her all the stupid things she says and remind her that she can be wrong even tho i'm a "rude" person | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
25ud0EdzoQffa7ZoBsBjN7eIurf0egRX | aefhcf | {
"description": "saying I didn't like active feminism in a game",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for saying I didn’t like active feminism in a game? | Hey my dudes. I recently finished an amazing game, and bought the DLC for it. The main character for this game is a woman.
Throughout the base game, there are plenty of female fighters and hunters and yada yada, but after finishing a specific side quest, you hear mutterings of “Can you believe a *WOMAN* is blah blah blah? At least she did it for a *MAN*”, and things of the like. I don’t mind that, and actually appreciate that it spurred some (sadly) realism into their world building. The main character was never slandered for being a woman, which contextually made sense and was fine. The sexism was solely in one city of the game, towards a specific character who is not you.
In the DLC, one of the very first people you talk to is a man, and he says “You know, you’re a lot like my daughter!!! You’re both...uh...how do you put it...” and main character retorts angrily, “Women?” to which the guy is like “Nononononono you’re hahahahhaha independent? hahaha”
I absolutely hated that. I hate that the base game was set up with gender roles and yada yada in place, then suddenly in the DLC, it changes. The above comment wasn’t even relevant. It didn’t even make sense in context. It was very poor writing.
So I texted a friend about it, saying “Fuck that kind of dialogue tbh” and such, then she texted back and said “That’s a super shitty stance you take on that.” then turned on her read receipts for me and has been ignoring me since. Admittedly, I did not mention that it was specifically a problem in continuity and writing, but she took it as a jab to feminism.
Am I the asshole??? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
MXLfsvqkeCdS7BEi8D6KADmSJkbTDaJ3 | b2ss24 | {
"description": "wanting to have my wedding at a plantation",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for wanting to have my wedding at a plantation? | I was born, raised and went to college in Philadelphia but my fiance is from the south. Last year his cousin got married at this plantation and it was really beautiful and had a nice aesthetic and since we were getting married in the South I wanted to have a plantation wedding as well. Obviously I don't support slavery in any way but it's just a pretty location to have a wedding and evokes southern charm with the antebellum themed houses and beautiful backdrop.
​
When we started planning the wedding, I asked 6 of my friends to be my bridesmaids. One of my bridesmaids I was best friends with in elementary, middle and high school but drifted apart a bit when we went to colleges in different states. We are still friends but definitely feel college change us in many ways. She became very passionate about social justice issues and black identity (she is biracial- half black half white) which is great but we didn't relate as much. She is completely against the idea of a plantation wedding. She says it's like having a wedding at a concentration camp and they were the settings of terrible practices towards slaves . I really think this is an unfair comparison. People were killed at concentration camps and those are set up as memorials to the holocaust.
​
But she is very adamant about it and says if I have a plantation wedding she won't be my bridesmaid and won't attend my wedding. I think it's a bit ridiculous and dramatic to sacrifice a 15 year friendship over something so petty and provide and ultimatum. It's a piece of land that has culture and history. What's worse is that it's making some of the my other brides maids uncomfortable now and they are thinking I should just have the wedding at a different location.
​
AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 31
} | WRONG |
kgJoMO4cJI8YOuPzMXGePcEaad4sn5st | azi3d1 | {
"description": "being upset with my so over vodka",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For being upset with my SO over vodka | When I was living with my SO, now my ex when ever one of us was working late the other would cook. He was French so he would put wine in everything. One day there was no wine available so he opened a brand new bottle of Vodka which I got as a present from my cousin when he visited Russia. I was mad because he opened it without my permission, this was a gift and I was saving it. Was I right to be mad? I never brought this up with him as I wasn't sure if it was ok to be mad about this after all what was his was mine and vice versa but it pisses me off to this day. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9jv5H1xxmXd8yRu6D0w1kTD0FzeDyrjf | aatxil | null | AITA for complainingn to family about travelling | I was asked to fly out of Southern California to visit my in-laws in Australia. I did not want to, but with the uncle (who i do not know at all) dying of brain cancer, I did not want to be rude and say no, so I agreed to visit for about 7 days. Since they insisted on using their airline miles to pay for the ticket, I was told it was cheaper to fly me out after 14 days, which I found disagreeable since I only get 14 days of PTO per year atm, but it was dismissed. It's their money after all.
Anyways, I find that the flight itself is quite miserable; delayed (of course, so w/e), I catch the flu, sleep for about 4 hours out of the 15 hour flight, and found that the airline has Australian power outlets that I don't have an adapter for, etc. Minor stuff I suppose, but I complain about it with my mother and step dad as they're picking me up.
The step-dad tells me that I'm acting like a 2 year old, that I'm making my mother feel guilty about the flight, and that if I hated it here so much I can grab a hotel nearby and fly back to CA tomorrow. I actually started walking to one when he caught up to me and said we should stop fighting, since it's upsetting my mother. So I agree to continue to go to their home to stay at.
I find that we are not staying at the home, to my dismay, as I was hoping to rest up and deal with my newfound flu. Instead, we're taking a 1.5 hr drive to their beach house. At the beach house, I find that my room is the study with a couple of desks pushed back, with a pull out bed/couch.
After he puts on some sheets, the step dad asks about whether or not this is comfortable accommodations - I reply that I'm going to look up some nearby hotels. He didn't like that, saying that I'm really "testing his patience".
I understand that it's upsetting to hear only complaints from your step-son after you took the time to accommodate him, especially when your brother has cancer - its stressful for sure. But when I'm being asked to use my all of my time to visit people I do not know, and I find that my concerns are dismissed, I find it harder and harder to enjoy the trip. I suppose I should be more empathetic about his POV.
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
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"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
9YtXTHua9ngtumCtYFtZLrvLagfCBAxc | b3tive | {
"description": "getting mad that my girlfriend didn't let me get us a dog",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 44
} | AITA for getting mad that my girlfriend didn’t let me get us a dog? | So some backstory. Me and my GF have been together for 3 years and have lived together for 6 months.
I suggested one night that we should get a dog. And she says to me “no we shouldn’t.” I ask why because I thought she liked dogs and she said “I thought you hated dogs though?” This turned into an argument because I have no idea how she heard that and I told her that I do like dogs. She didn’t believe me and that is when the argument actually got heated. It turned into shouting and I punched a wall and left for about an hour.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 32,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 44
} | WRONG |
d61MtnL8WFsaSCrvLb2PD0wDvK51wpwF | b9aqs5 | {
"description": "being annoyed at my girlfriend following her reaction to me not having a full erection during a long period of foreplay",
"pronormative_score": 164,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being annoyed at my girlfriend following her reaction to me not having a full erection during a long period of foreplay? | Hey,
My recent girlfriend of 2 months was round last night. We had already had sex twice, it was late, and I decided to go down on her. To begin with when we were kissing and I started giving her head I was fully hard. Thing is, I was giving her head for about 20 minutes, and I was lying down so my body weight was on my penis also. Now I was really enjoying it and really aroused, but after that length of time and the fact my penis wasn’t being touched and it was essentially squashed between myself and the bed, it wasn’t the ripe old police truncheon it was 20 minutes before. It was just semi-erect. Like I was clearly turned on but it just needed a tiny bit of attention etc before penetration.
I thought that was reasonably normal, I didn’t think it means I have erectile dysfunction or anything. I mean any other time we have sex I don’t have any problems.
What the issue was, is the way she reacted. When I came up and kissed her, she grabbed my penis and saw it wasn’t fully erect. Then she just kind of slapped me gently and rolled over in a mood like “never mind then you’re not even hard”. I told her I was turned on I was just down there for a while, and it’d be fine after some foreplay. But she said I was selfish and basically left and slept on the sofa.
Today I’ve been in a foul mood because honestly it just upset me, like I feel like maybe my dick just isn’t working right. She said it should just be hard.
So basically my question is, although I have a suspicion that I’m not an asshole in this situation, I still wanted to get second opinions; am I an asshole for not keeping an erection in that situation? Or rather, is it NORMAL or should I actually be concerned about ED? And lastly, am I wrong for being in a mood with her and telling her I’m upset about it?
Sorry this is a bit crude. Thanks anyway. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 161,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 164,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
LsHQfzbGUfNrUxVuMKtH2ljQhW7holgJ | akg3nl | {
"description": "having a hysterical fit after blocking my bf's friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for having a hysterical fit after blocking my bf's friends? | Context goes a little far back but within 2018: things started to go awry when I left the DnD group for being sensitive to sound and that I got mad at his friends for laughing at the mic even when I asked the DM to lower their voices (and yes, I also lowered my volume to the minimum).
When I learned that my bf was going with his friends for a hangout, I felt offended and blocked all of his friends because I thought that they were hanging out without me, therefore excluding me from the group even if they did tell me that I was their friend.
​
The night I had a hysterical fit (because this seems more appropriate) over Discord, my boyfriend told me I was apologizing to them but just telling me that I was just forcing my apology over them and they were having none of my bullshit. I can't really grind on the deets here since I don't recall any memories of that night due to having a mental illness that worsened that night.
I think they know of my illness because I have a vague memory of them discussing that they too are going through mental illnesses of sorts, but it seems that they failed to understand that I'm a different case from them, especially when I decided to stop my medication for more than 6 months to try to cope with expenses and to avoid medication dependence.
​
Is it right for them to get mad at me and that I feel guilty for feeling for how I felt and that because of said feelings, my relationship with his friends are practically non-existent now? Thanks. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
8C41vDU2EoJcbZ83zH58yLE1CFCurRi1 | a52s84 | {
"description": "dropping a girl I was dating (turned friend zone) right as her grandpa died, because I found out she overlapped me with an ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for dropping a girl I was dating (turned friend zone) right as her grandpa died, because I found out she overlapped me with an ex? | I'll try to make this concise. Started dating this girl for about two weeks, she love bombed me and told me she doesn't like guys usually but knew I was different. we were supposed to have sex (she planned it, weird) but then get a text from her saying her grandpa is dying. I was as supportive as possible without being overbearing, she wouldn't open up. Then she gets extremely distant and pulls back by saying she doesn't know what she wants or if she wants anything, and that we should continue hooking up without expectations of a relationship. A week goes by, she always had an excuse to not hang out. Then grandpa dies, she cancels our weekend plan to go home.
​
We hang out the night she gets back from home, and she tells me she wants to be friends, that the only guys she's ever dated were her best friends first and they both cheated on her so she's guarded. Didn't say there was no hope but didn't imply odds were good either. I agreed to friendship because I thought she was in a bad state mentally due to the grandpa, and because her history is valid.
​
I found out that when she pulled back the first time, she started seeing her ex-hook up. They're just casual but it didn't matter to me. I called her out, she claims she told him they were over when she met me, but his grandpa had died around the same time as hers so she crawled back to him because they could relate. She said she hoped I could forgive her and start a friendship and I ended it by saying I needed space and time to think.
​
Have been in no contact, received a simple happy Thanksgiving text from her which I responded to but that's it. AITA for abandoning a girl who fucked with me mentally, pulled back multiple times without giving me a chance, only to overlap with her side guy? I will not tolerate people to treat me like garbage while enjoying themselves with someone else, but I feel like an asshole because I do care about her and would have loved to get to know her better, but her actions leading up to this moment made me feel strung along and devalued as a human | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
e8JnsGZyEKpBDdwzsRotMNVwEWC1kqyB | a0pe79 | null | AITA for the way I handle my GFs eating disorder? | A lot of backstory, but I feel it#s necessary.
My GF and me have been a couple for some years now but we have never lived together for more than one or two months as we study in different cities. She has an eating disorder in that she is extremely picky about her food and afraid of eating things she hasn't eaten before. The basics are fine (potatoes in all forms, rice, noodles, pizza), there are a few vegetables that are fine and very few forms meat (sausages, salami). In terms of sauces really there's only ketchup, for potatoes, rice, noodles, self-made pizza, you name it.
Especially for warm meals this is a problem since there's barely enough meals that she eats and I see as a full meal to fill a whole week. When she's on her own she eats something like toast with fried eggs which to me is not a full meal but at best a snack. So when we are together usually I cook for myself and make some extra potatoes for her which she will eat with ketchup.
​
I really like cooking but I live on my own and often can't motivate myself to cook for me alone. So it already bothers me we can't cook together (since she also has a problem with touching or smelling a lot of food). Also this is really annoying when we are not at home since I'll always have to limit myself to some place that offers something she eats. When going to any restaurant we need to make sure it has salami pizza, otherwise she won't come as she has nothing to eat.
​
Now she is very secretive about this and doesn't tell other people. Her parents and siblings know of course, but not even her aunts/uncels or her grandma (at least not "officially", I don't know how far they are actually aware). Even for the first 6 months that we were together I had no clue about it. Only when she really could not escape it she began to tell me but it took another 6 months or so until she told me about the extent.
​
She knows this bothers me, she sees why and agrees she wants to change it since it is very unpleasant for her as well and complicates a lot of social situation where she'd for example meet friends. She'd often rather not meet up with them or join later than having to eat with them. There was some progress in the last couple of years (she doesn't mind other food touching hers as much anymore, there's some food she now eats regularly which she hasn't eaten before, she feels less anxiety when trying certain new stuff etc), but still nowhere close a healthy behaviour or diet.
​
Whenever I get something to eat I'd ask her if she wanted some, but 99% of the time she'd decline. I'm a bit bummed every time again but I understand that pressuring her won't do any good, so I leave it at that. At times tho it might happen tho that I ask her beforehand if trying some meal was fine for her and when she agrees I usually insist on her eating it. But sometimes once I'm/we're done cooking she'd change her mind and get mad at me when I point out she agreed to try it beforehand, accusing me of pressuring her too much.
​
As she is studying now and no longer lives with her parents she gets to meet friends more regularly as they also live closer by now. One particular friend she meets a lot and I know he also enjoys cooking a lot. The first thing that bothers me is that she had less of an issue telling him about her eating disorder. But I assume this may be because now that they meet often they get into such situations more often, giving her less room to keep it secret.
​
What really got me recently was that he invited her for dinner for a meal I know she has never eaten before and which I even made myself before multiple times and offered her, but she declined every time. However when he invited her she accepted and ate with him without any big issues.
​
So after she told me I asked her what the difference was between me and him offering her dinner (as she could have just as easily declined his invitation). She could not find any reason and to be honest this annoys me. I can't even put into words why exactly this bugs me so much. I guess it is that I feel she has a lot more trust (?) in him with this. On one hand I am of course happy for her overcoming this issue a bit more but I feel really unrespected (for a lack of a better term), that what I try to help her with actively for several years now get less results than someone else just casually inviting her to a dinner I know she'd usually surely decline. After telling her about how I feel about this she got understandably mad as she didn't feel like I'd appreciate her progress.
​
AITA for feeling this way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
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