id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
aIg4ObyNTP8fEjLP2LQGyyasJr1iBjDQ | b4wrsi | {
"description": "not wanting to fix my roommate's papers all the time",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to fix my roommate's papers all the time? | So we're both freshman in college, but she's from China, and we've become pretty good friends but there is one serious issue. She ALWAYS wants me to fix her stuff, or read her stuff because she's not that good in English. Shes gone so far as to ask me to fix a friend's paper. I honeslty believe she only likes me so much because I help her with stuff like this. I'm having a really severe toothache right now, and I haven't slept well all night, and before going to bed she asked me to fix two papers for her. I did one, and then just said no to the other one and continued to writhe in pain. After last night I seriously want to stop. I feel like I'm being used, so AITA for not wanting to do this anymore? Or for feeling this way? I understand being in a new wountry and needing help but it seems that's all I'm good for.
Tldr; AITA for not wanting to help my roommate with her papers anymore? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5jfisVW4egAs3mMaqpwvxzl0dEU8chR4 | amrmmy | {
"description": "not supporting my husband",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not supporting my husband | TL;DR at the bottom. My husband (43M) graduated college with a degree in journalism many years ago. He worked at the same paper as a reporter for over ten years, and was fired without warning or explanation about a year and a half ago.
Originally I was supportive, but six months after he was fired he still hadn’t found a job, anywhere. He was set on finding another job as a reporter even though it’s a dying industry, not looking at other fields. I had been gently asking him to look at other careers, but he refused as his experience and background are in journalism. I set him up with a life coach through my insurance to help support his job hunt, helped him with writing/rewriting his resume and cover letter, and encouraged him to go to a therapist since he was extremely depressed about being fired (he said he didn’t need to).
As his unemployment was ending and he still didn’t have a job, I gave him an ultimatum- find something, anything, or move out.
He found a slightly better than minimum wage job, which left me still covering the majority of the bills and anything for our ten year old son. After much fighting about his job, he decided he wanted to take the LSAT and go to law school.
I supported him in taking the LSAT, offered to get him a tutor, bought books and practice tests, and took our son out of the house on Sundays so he could take practice exams. His LSAT score was mediocre.
I told him I only supported him going to law school if it didn’t put us in a ton of debt. He’s received an acceptance and partial scholarship to one school, but it would still cost over $100k to attend.
I have straight up told him I don’t support this. Unemployment for lawyers is extremely high, and that, combined with the debt we’d take on to do this, seems to make this an unreasonable career prospect at his age. I’d also like to be able to pay for my son to go to college, and with the timing and debt we’d take on for law school, doesn’t seem feasible to me (my husband says it does).
I’ve told him I’m not opposed to him going back to school for a new career, but it needs to have better prospects than being a lawyer. He says this is the only thing he’s interested in and has any skill in, that he’s finally found something he’s excited about and wants to do.
In another fight about this today, he told me everyone except for me is on board with this- his parents, his friends that are lawyers and judges. AITA for not supporting him?
TL; DR: My 43 year-old husband wants to go to law school to start a new career. I want him to choose a more realistic/less costly field. He says everyone except me supports this idea. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
otnrWoxsB5hyL91ERkijRkDLbcMJTvSL | b0c6do | {
"description": "ruining the company I work, by quiting my job",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I ruin the company I work, by quiting my job | So I have a predicament, I work in a small business (2 owners and in total 3 employees including me). I have been working here for about 8 years now.
And I recently found out that I can make more money and have double the time of I have now.
Easy decision,,except that they have trouble finding new employees and they need to have a certain amount of people by law. And both my other colleagues are leaving.
Would I be a asshole if I also quit and possibly ruin their chance to stay in business.
On a side note to make it more difficult, we work in the transport sector and my father own the company that they get their cargo from. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0H8YC1lPqWr3lm60Sxff8nqBqO3NfUhU | ayzzke | null | AITA Parents try to use my bathroom | So earlier today I had an EEG today. And my parents drove me because I had to only sleep four hours last night. So afterwards, I had some left over paste in my hair for the electrodes and I repeatedly stated my intention to shower when we got home.
So we go out for dinner because we're close to my brother and his wife's place and we meet up and eat. So we finally get home and I ask my younger brother if he got the mail today (I'm expecting a package). He says he forgot to so I go get it. Give him a recall notice on his car and he makes a big show for fun and I kinda get a little settled watching tv with my parents and brother.
At the end of the first commercial break I get up and say "I'm gonna shower now."
A little information, my house has three bathrooms, one outside my room, one inside my brother's room, one inside my parent's room. I'm only allowed to use the one outside my room.
So as I'm getting up, my dad announces he needs to go to the bathroom, #2.
The exchange went like this,
Dad- "You can wait to shower, I gotta go."
Me- "Why do I have to wait?"
Dad- "I need to go first."
Me- "Then use the one in your room."
Dad- "I like yours better."
Me- "But I need to shower."
Dad- "You can after I'm done."
Me- "Just use yours"
Dad- "You can't tell me which bathroom to use in my house!"
My mom cut in and told me to wait. So I do, and go sit on the couch outside my room to wait. When my dad comes out 10 minutes later I say "I thought of a reason, it's inconsiderate."
Then he explodes and yells at me, attracting my mom and brother saying I was inconsiderate because he had a bodily urge and shouldn't have to wait. At this point, I give up and take my shower.
Was I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9bM03IuH6pztGH3o26fZybA7ZtXald9q | ao07cp | null | AITA? | Am I a asshole for telling my girlfriend that we are absolutely not getting another aquarium set up and she needs to either get a refund for the aquarium she ordered or sell it. We already have a 20 gallon long in our room with shrimp and some tetras and we are currently cycling a 100 gallon in the living room. She just spent $400 on a 200 gallon aquarium and stand wanting to add another one to our livingroom. we had kinda talked about getting another one a hour before but it was my understanding that we'd rather not have to remove our TV and entertainment center into the storage. She surprised me a few mins ago by saying "hey (petname) I got us a new tank ordered" at first I got a little audible irritated and told me let me see the listing to make sure we have the space in the guest bedroom assuming she meant just a small one to make that room pop. When she showed me what it actually was I got a little more irritated letting out a sigh. She of course was disappointed that I was irritated with her. Then I sat her down and tried my best to explain that even if we had the space for another tank that big that we couldn't afford to keep it going (tanks get pretty expensive with water and electricity bills.) I'll admit I got a little loud slightly above "inside voices" if you remember that from school lol. And demanded that she get a refund or sell it when it arrives. This obviously made her upset we both said some shit that we didn't mean. For example I said "well maybe if I didn't buy you your necklace and ring I could afford to keep it going" (recently got engaged I proposed using a ring and necklace) she came back with "maybe if you didn't buy your motorcycle money wouldn't be tight right now" Which is unfair in my opinion considering I traded my previous car to the seller of the bike so I only had to pay $150 for the bike.
TLDR my girlfriend made a substantial purchase behind my back after we barely talked about it, I demanded she either got a refund or sold it. Things where said that weren't meant. This is really weighing on my mind. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
fR8yyp53toCg05eRg3F5oCFmr4RmAZlj | aqqop0 | {
"description": "telling my husband that he needs to stop snapchatting his coworker",
"pronormative_score": 126,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for telling my (27F) husband (30M) that he needs to stop Snapchatting his coworker (18F) | On mobile, blah blah blah, etc.
TLDR: Husband started snapping coworker when she was 17 (now 18) and allegedly removed her from his snap list when my SIL, her husband, and I told him it was inappropriate. Thought that was that. Two days ago, I found that they’re friends again and they’ve been exchanging conversation.
My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and I am 8 weeks pregnant. He is in a management role at at a local large gas station/convenience store. Last fall, I found out that he was exchanging Snapchats with a young coworker, who was 17 years old at the time. I told him that I was wildly uncomfortable with their contact and that it was inappropriate. He told me that it wasn’t like that, that it was kind of weird but that he felt bad for her because she doesn’t have a lot of friends. (I’m not sure how true this is because she post some pretty risqué/sexy photos online.)
Fast forward to Christmas, and we are with his family. I bring up the issue to his sister and husband because we are very close with them and I trust their opinions. They both agreed with me, telling him he needed to stop what he was doing immediately. He said he deleted her on Snapchat and I thought it was done.
Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago, my husband and I join an xbox live party with a couple of my husband’s coworkers, not knowing that this teenage girl was one of them. She doesn’t say a word and immediately signs off. I find out after some probing that she’s been upset about my husband deleting her and that he blamed his cutting contact entirely on me. He did this by telling her that he deleted her because I was uncomfortable. I was pretty unfazed by this because it apparently wasn’t affecting their work relationship so I figured she’d get over not being Snapchat buddies.
Two days ago, my husband is in the shower. My husband’s phone starts ringing. I look and see it’s a telemarketer so I double click the lock button to end the call and see a Snapchat from coworker on the lock screen. Immediately, I’m furious. I go to the bathroom and say, “I don’t know whether to be angry with you or furious right now.” He asks what I’m talking about and I tell him what I saw. He goes silent for a moment and then says, “She added me back. I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.” I walk out and he finishes his shower. He comes out to get dressed and again says he’s sorry and that he’s a piece of shit. I didn’t really acknowledge him because I was still so upset.
I’ve taken the last two days to think and I can’t begin to understand why this girl is so important to have a friendship with. I trust my husband completely and I know that he hasn’t been unfaithful because he literally has no time to be. He’s always either at work, at school, or at home with me.
I told him today that I’m upset and we would talk about this when he gets home from work tonight. I don’t think I should be having to have this conversation again about how inappropriate I feel this friendship is but the other part of me is wondering if I’m an asshole for trying to stop my husband from being friends with a coworker.
So, Reddit, AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 121,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 7
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 126,
"WRONG": 20
} | RIGHT |
dytmDBZJupHlBuwMaGO7cUF6zYzYG8zK | aw3yzj | {
"description": "reporting an ex-friend for neglecting her child",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for reporting an ex-friend for neglecting her child? | **Back story**
I used to be friends with (let's call her) Sandra, then she became controlling and manipulative (and now that I think of it, fairly emotionally abusive). I fairly much stopped talking to her because of this behavior.
​
After this, one of Sandra's kids bullied my eldest kid for about a year, both in and out of school (mainly emotionally - isolating her from friendship groups, continually putting her down, calling names, lying, etc). My kid didn't reveal it until the end of the academic year, so we couldn't address it. Now the kids are at different high schools, so I thought it best to just leave it without making a fuss (while telling my kid that we recognized that Sandra's kid's behavior was completely unacceptable and that she was amazing for having dealt with it so well. It's no longer an issue).
​
I've been in their house: chaotic doesn't do it justice. I suspect that there's emotional abuse within the home, and that from my experience (while we were friends) her husband is the victim. The kids frequently have no bedding, wear dirty clothes to school, aren't dressed appropriately for the weather, are frequently left for long periods of time without supervision, and all three (youngest is 8) play Grand Theft Auto and similarly rated games. I totally get that everyone has the right to live in a house and raise their kids any way they see fit. I don't care if she never cleans her kitchen. I'm concerned with the appropriateness of the care given to her youngest kid.
​
**The incident**
Now to yesterday. Her youngest kid comes into class with an anime comic which he shows to the 8 year old kids in the class. There's explicit nudity and some images of intercourse. My youngest kid tells me about it and knows enough to say that it wasn't appropriate. I report it to the school. They've come back saying that they're going to advise that he doesn't bring the comics in again. (Additional info: this kid has been reported several times for violent behavior - in and out of class - and defiance.)
​
**My concerns:**
An 8 year old has access to (and has shown in school) comics with inappropriate sexual content. I don't think that the school's response is sufficient. So I reported the case to an NGO.
​
**Reddit, AITA??** | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
EytSAjopR0uIGstlKUsse7X34swYZYuP | b27ljc | {
"description": "coming out to my conservative family",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I came out to my conservative family? | Sorry, I’m on mobile.
So I’m a bi girl, and while not in the cards at the moment I’d like to have a relationship at some point. There’s a pretty good chance that relationship could be with a girl, and I’d like to be able to treat my hypothetical s/o the same way the rest of my cousins treat theirs.
My mom’s side of the family is pretty conservative, and my cousins on that side regularly make homophobic jokes. If any of them really cared that much about me being not straight, I’d be okay with just cutting them off. I’ve never been too close with any of them anyway. However, there are still a few complications.
Number one is my Grandma. My mom says that I absolutely cannot come out as long as Grandma is alive, as knowing that I’m gay would “break her heart”. I love my grandma, and I want her to love me, but I do want to know if her love is unconditional or not. I’d also like to see if she could change. She’s getting up there in years, but she’s a genuinely good lady with a great heart. If I came out, I could show her that the LGBT community is full of lovely people and she could learn to be more tolerant. But I don’t want to cause her pain, and I don’t want to be disowned or forbidden from going to family events.
There’s also the issue of the rest of my immediate family. I don’t want to separate them from my cousins and aunts and uncles, especially since they’re much closer with them than I am. Me being out could result in the entire family being excluded from Thanksgivings or vacations, or having to choose between me or the entire extended family.
I also don’t want them to think I’m a predator because I like girls. I’ve heard them talk, and I know what they think about the LGBT community. I’m worried that instead of realizing I’m still the same person, they’d think I was secretly some kind of evil predator the whole time.
I’m only going to come out when I get a girlfriend that’s serious enough to bring to my family, but I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing when I do. WIBTA if I came out?
Feel free to ask for more info.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gkdqs22OHUMBzVgHekU5DX0rIq3b2lyc | apeyd9 | {
"description": "shaming my sister-in-law because she was mean to me",
"pronormative_score": 92,
"contranormative_score": 186
} | AITA for shaming my sister-in-law because she was mean to me. | I never understood why but my SIL always hated me. She always makes snide remarks about my boyfriend or anything related to me. We dont get along well.
She knows that I had many boyfriend's before my current boyfriend and she paints me as a slut. Last month at a dinner she told my boyfriend that he should not get his hopes up because I was not a keeper. My bf was hurt and he started feeling a bit insecure after that.
So, I discovered that she was a Chaturbate cam girl when my friend came across her on the website( my brother doesn't know about this) and I decided to have my revenge. So I posted her Chaturbate link in the family group chat when she was live masturbating on the cam. All hell broke loose and everyone was shocked. Her family is extremely conservative and they were apalled.
Later, she called me and I really felt sorry for her. She was crying and apologized to me and asked me if I intended to do anything more. My brother was mad at her and this caused a serious rift in their relationship and her parents told her that they have nothing to do with her anymore.
Did I go too far? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 72,
"OTHER": 92,
"EVERYBODY": 114,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 5
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 92,
"WRONG": 186
} | WRONG |
wM6VY0d0BDeVuUMqQ7vfDPgVWPhTdzl7 | ax49w2 | {
"description": "wanting to separate from my wife because I know that I don't make her happy anymore",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting to separate from my wife because I know that I don’t make her happy anymore? | My wife and I have been together for 7 years and 2 years married, we have a 7 month old baby girl that I love to death and will do anything to keep them happy.
I am bad luck. All my dreams have been crushed and I feel like I’m in a rollercoaster that only goes down. Every time that life seems to go steady, I go 10 steps back and i know that effected my wife.
My wife and I used to be so happy with each other even though I am sure she has depression and anxiety. We did everything together and were together 24/7 but after our lives have been going on a slow downhill, I can see/feel her happiness fading.
TBH, I feel like she’s only here with me because 1: her family are assholes and that the reason why she left them and when to live with me shortly after we got together(we were best friend throughout high school and college). 2: she is dealing with this for our baby.
I understand that she wants us to be in our babies life but I think this is going to be more harm than good to our baby in the long run.
I am mad at myself because I know my wife is not happy. Lately, everything I say to my wife in an off putting manner, she starts crying and has an anxiety attack. I feel like I can’t talk to her at all.
We have had a talk and she says that she does love me and wants to continue this relationship but says that she feels that I’m not happy with us. I understood where she came from but I’m not happy because I know she’s not happy. It’s just a vicious cycle that we are in.
AITA for wanting to separate because I want us to be both happy even if that ends our relationship? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
IOhUDr0MEsJll4r02vzatv2xaTlNcmKW | aq1m9j | {
"description": "telling my mom off for mistreating her pets",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I Tell My Mom Off For Mistreating Her Pets? | Hey everyone, so I (28F) have been out of my parents' house for a while now, but visit frequently (once a week or more) and stayed there for about 6 months while I was moving back into the area. They have a lot of pets - a bird, 2 goats, 3 cats, and 3 dogs (one which they plan to breed this year once she is old enough) - which I am close with and consider "family pets".
One of the cats recently got sick while they were on vacation in Hawaii, and my brother and I had to deal with all of the vet issues-- taking him to the ER (he was literally almost dead when we got him there), consulting with the doctors, making medical decisions, and eventually footing the bill, which took my mother 5 months to finally pay back in full (after much reminding). About 2 months later, he had another issue and required surgery, which my mom willingly chose to do (more vet bills, but on her this time).
Since then, he has been peeing on the floor in the guest bedroom. This is common after the types of issues he has had, and there are many ways to resolve the issue, which she tried zero to do. All she has done is complain about the cat, repeatedly ask me to take him (husband and I just moved into our recently flipped house), and she went so far last weekend to now start asking if we know anyone that wants a cat because "she wants him out of her house" and "he has one foot in the ground". I actually asked her if she doesn't love him anymore because of this issue, and she replied that no, she doesn't.
I'm trying to accommodate the cat here, but we just rescued a dog and need to make sure they get along first, then acclimate him to the house and see if the peeing issue is resolved or if he is still having problems. I'm worried that my mom is getting impatient and that she may do something in the meantime.
The last part, which I feel ready to confront her about, is that all this while, she has been preparing to breed her youngest dog. I feel strongly that if she is having this type of reaction to the cat, she shouldn't be bringing more animals into this world, even if her intent is to sell them as pets. The cat had a medical issue that has led to the peeing problem, and her response has been to get angry, threaten to put the cat down, and admit that she "doesn't love him anymore".
TL;DR Mom wants to put down family-beloved, otherwise healthy cat after medical issue causes random peeing "on her brand new hardwood floors", but actively planning to breed her dog to sell puppies. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XEedt6MLHvT80vbTxHuZajK8O7z3GCEQ | aoa16l | {
"description": "spending money on my gf's ticket to a concert",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I spent money on my gf's ticket to a concert? | She's dying to see a band but she doesn't have the money to buy a ticket herself. So I decided that for Valentine's day I'd gift her the ticket (around $60USD).
The problem is she doesn't want me to "spend on her" and she'd get mad at me if I did so. WIBTA if I bought her the ticket anyways? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
bzTCWYjaHjO5eRJUGOD3OlqWIZrU9tJY | 9waf9s | {
"description": "getting mad at a friend for not showing up to an event",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at a friend for not showing up to an event | Ok, firstly before you call me an immediate asshole i do have remorse but i need to explain the situation. Me and my friends were planning to go to the park, just four people. Ive planned this for about a month and It consisted of 2 Girls and 2 Boys. Now the catch here is that if not more than one girl went. The other girl didn’t. Parents rules, Which I honestly think is reasonable but inconvenient. So one of the girls which ill just call her rose said for 3 days in a row and before i left “Ill 100% be there” so me and the other boy left. We met up by the park and waited. We texted rose and the other girl. Now Rose wasnt responding which was slightly annoying but nothing to bad and the other girl said she would be late. After around 40 minutes of waiting she said “i wanted to go to Sams with my brother sorry” so we had to cancel our plans while we were there making it awkward. So i got mad at her and refused to talked to her for several day, Note that we were not to close friends at the time. But i still feel guilty. So Judge my fate reddit! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
awUpDILlP9jw92dsP48RwggLpuG1BaGg | b7eouo | {
"description": "asking my twitch viewers to use pronouns that don't match my voice",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my Twitch viewers to use pronouns that don't match my voice? | I've been streaming on Twitch for a while, and despite being a trans woman, I still speak in my "natural" voice when I stream - I just can't maintain my usual voice when I broadcast.
My description asks people to refer to me as she (or just by my name), but I'm worried that it's too much to ask when I still use such a masculine voice. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
44Vus4p3LON6YznLSpwyfKhmwfBsTSd5 | b6ct3w | {
"description": "secretly planning on leaving my husband during a drinking crisis and taking the kids with me",
"pronormative_score": 57,
"contranormative_score": 33
} | AITA for secretly planning on leaving my husband during a drinking crisis and taking the kids with me? | Husband and I have been together for ten years. We have a beautiful daughter and I’m pregnant with our second due in May.
My first pregnancy was unplanned and after several years of sobriety, my husband relapsed and got a DWI. We have since built a respectable life with stable jobs, a house, live in a good area, and put our daughter first.
My husband started drinking again after several more years of sobriety and I found out I was pregnant with our second. I told him to stop drinking around our daughter and myself.
He has continued to sneak around and drink. He has shown little to no interest in my pregnancy or the baby. All preparation has been left up to me. Things are getting neglected around the house and I can’t keep up.
I have been secretly documenting and seeking legal advice from an attorney on separating and gaining full physical custody of the kids after I have the baby. I plan on telling him to leave the house and find a different living situation. If that fails since we’re both on the mortgage, I will be taking the kids and leaving myself.
There has been silence between the two of us for quite awhile but the other night - while drunk - my husband came to me and told me he needs help with his drinking. He is not the man he wants to be and he doesn’t know what to do anymore. He said he can’t stop drinking but he wants to.
I was too angry to really respond and told him to get to an AA meeting when he gets sober. I left the room.
My close friend when I confided in her told me I was being an asshole for rebuffing him and not giving him a chance. Apparently, my plans to secretly leave with the kids are unfair and I need to talk to him now about it because he’s their father.
I don’t want to talk to him about it until after the baby is born and I’m too angry to want to help him. Why does he get to be shitty and drunk and distant when it suits him and then ask me for help. I’m so overwhelmed with just the preparation of another human life coming into this world and protecting our daughter from his bad choices, I’m just tired. Selfishly I’m tired.
AITA for not supporting him and going ahead with my secret plans to leave him and take the kids without upfront discussion? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 28,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 57,
"WRONG": 33
} | RIGHT |
u1Wrei3JpqpmV0Ih4tdXRg4cWjhLi9uV | awbr0n | {
"description": "not knowing my wife well enough",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not knowing my wife well enough | My wife and I have been having difficulties lately. We have been married for 5 years.
She was sick with a cold and I stayed home to help her and with our young son who didn’t have school that day. I was about to take our son out to run some errands because she said she wanted to rest. As I was leaving, I asked her if she needed anything before I left. She said that it doesn’t help when do that. It just makes her sad because it feels like I don’t know her and I should know what she does or doesn’t need. She also said that she doesn’t expect me to read her mind but I should try harder and shouldn’t have to be told everything to do. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
baDdrGZNbSuaiGBPd9XcmXKKe6Jqfpea | ax17vb | {
"description": "wanting to spend more time with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For wanting to spend more time with my boyfriend? | Long Story (TLDR at the end)
Ok so we're both Juniors in high school. He goes to an online school while I go to a normal school. We've been together for 4 and a half years now.
This year I'm not doing so bad grade wise, he's not. And he's always trying to get his grades up. Which I understand, but sometimes I just wanna hang out and not just awkwardly sitting there while he does what he needs. I'm not trying to say "Ignore your school work because I matter more." But sometimes it also feels like I'm getting nothing from him in general.
Sometimes I feel like he deliberately ignores me. I told him how I felt, and we agreed to work on it from both our ends. But it feels like within those three weeks we've gone in a circle,
TLDR: My boyfriend is busy trying not to fail and I'd like to spend time with him more with him.
I understand if I can come off as the ass in the situation | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NtmtBLH0hnMpAO87WkU9S9FpIq7vhibk | as84xa | {
"description": "exchanging wrist watch birthday present from fiancee family to the one I liked",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for exchanging wrist watch birthday present from fiancee family to the one I liked? | I am not using wrist watches at all, but if I decide to wear it, I would definitely use analog, old school type of wrist watch. I had a little talk about this with my fiancee and her brother one week before my birthday, because my fiancee's brother got wrist watch as a present on his birthday and he showed me. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and only said that I liked it, but would prefer analog wrist watches with leather body. one week later, my fiancee and her brother advised her parents to buy me digital wrist watch with silver body, actually same as my fiancee's brother. I don't want to hurt their feelings, because I can not wear it, so I am trying to replace it with the one I prefer in the same shop. I don't want to appear disrespectful but they will find out eventually if I don't wear it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8MBOCdXQ81xeAeXE0cIelYr7BBtJIEmY | 9y0lc3 | {
"description": "getting in the middle of a relationship that was on its way out anyway",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting in the middle of a relationship that was on its way out anyway? | So I met my current boyfriend while I was an intern while in school. He was a seasonal employee who was sort of my supervisor. He’d give me work to do and stuff, and I had a crush on him from the moment I met him, but he had a girlfriend. i didn’t know her, but we were in similar graduate programs and I know some of her friends. I couldn’t really hide my feelings, and for the 3 months we worked together, we would flirt a lot and volunteer to work on projects alone. I fell hard. We’re really alike and even our bosses would say that we belong together, even though they knew he had a gf. On my last day at work before I moved for a full time job I got, we all went and grabbed beers, and I pulled him aside and confessed my feelings for him that I’ve had since day one. We made out. I think he felt bad afterwards because of his girlfriend. He was supposed to move in with her two weeks later.
We continued to talk and he texted me one day saying he just had a long and difficult conversation with his gf and was asking me if he should tell her what happened. I asked if they were breaking up and he said yes. Because of that, I told him to not tell her. Well apparently they didn’t break up after that convo, and she found out what happened. He initially lied to her about it because he felt so awful and didn’t want to hurt her. We continued to talk all the time, and apparently they broke up, but they were trying to “work on things” and fix their relationship. He said he had some feelings for me so we continued to talk everyday while he was working on his relationship. Apparently the other girl found out and was furious. They finally officially ended things about a month after he confessed to cheating on her with me. Idk what happened to her except that she was in therapy. He said that things were on their way out with her anyway, and he had feelings for her but also had them for me and wanted to see where they went.
We started officially dating a month later and I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never really had a serious relationship before and it’s been a long time since I’ve been with someone and I feel like he’s the one. We talked and got engaged a little less than two months after we officially started dating.
I feel like it may be a little fast, but I am pretty religious so this feels kind of standard, especially with how I feel. My parents are super happy for us and I am too, but I have some lingering hesitations. He cheated on his gf to be with me, and I know he was telling her that nothing was going on between us while they were trying to “fix” things. When she first found out he made out with me, he told her that I had just confessed my feelings and he rejected me, but only because she was so angry and upset and he got freaked out and scared, so I get it. But he said that things were on their way out with her anyway and he had had feelings for me for a few months while they were still together. And we connect so well, like God had this plan for us to be together.
Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
uSgUmjCP4tv8IVI0Cqd2x9dHXQmHqlso | auvvl6 | {
"description": "not attending a child's event with my ex-wife",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 68
} | AITA for not attending a child's event with my ex-wife? | I have a 50-50 custody arrangement of my 8 year old daughter (Lisa) with my ex-wife/her mother (Ariana). For the past few years I have been making it a point to not attend events that Ariana is attending, and she has not been attending events that I attended. If it were up to Ariana, we would be chums - I, however, do not wish to have a friendly relationship with her. A civil relationship for the child's benefit is all that is necessary.
Lisa joined a sports team this year, and the year-end banquet is coming up, at a restauraunt 10 minutes from my home. Ariana informed me that she would like to attend. I requested that since Ariana attended the first game of the year (which was scheduled on 'my' day) that I be able attend the banquet (which also happens to be scheduled on 'my' day) alone this year, and she attend next year's banquet. Ariana replied that she would be there "no matter who has her that day". She offered to sit at a separate table and that Lisa would sit with me.
I explained to her that I did not think it was best for Lisa to have both parents at the event, but only be able to sit with one, and that sitting together was out of the question - I have no interest in conversing with Ariana. I reiterated my request to switch who takes her each year, and that I be able to take her to the first one (since she attended the first game).
After a few more exchanges with this same story playing out, she informed me she had explained to Lisa (she was home with her at the time) the situation, and had explained my feelings about not wanting to sit at the same table with Ariana, while in the same email explaining my feelings incorrectly.
I told her that I didn't think it was the right thing to do to put Lisa in the middle of this argument, and that it wasn't her place to tell Lisa how I felt about the situation. I informed her that constituted disparaging me to Lisa, and was justiciable - then told her not to do it again.
I then told her that I had discussed the situation with Lisa (I waited a day so I could discuss it with her in person), and that Lisa did not want to be put in a situation where she had to choose between her parents, and that Ariana will be taking Lisa to the banquet by themselves this year, and that I would like to take Lisa myself next year. I also included that Lisa said this seemed a fair way to do it. I know this seems hypocritical considering I just called Ariana out for it, however... damage control.
Ariana replied that she is not taking Lisa to the banquet just because I decided she would, since it will be 'my' day - that I needed to make it work. She said if she finds out that Lisa doesn't go because I was "too busy" that day, it's my fault that Lisa was unable to attend.
TL/DR - I wanted to take her by myself. She said no, she's coming too. I said, fine, you take her. She said, no, you bring her and if you don't you're the parent at fault.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 61,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 68
} | WRONG |
baaIo7zam5nJAQVO8Y5oG41YYwX3Sizc | af7zmd | {
"description": "telling my ex-bestfriends parents about his debt to me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if i told my ex-bestfriends parents about his debt to me? | Hello everyone. First post so sry for errors in advance. My now ex-bestfriend and me made a loan a few month ago for about 1500 dollars, we split that 50/50. Now he does no longer want to be my friend and has completly cut me off. im afraid he wont pay the monthly payments to me. So Would i be the asshole if i told his parents about this debt so i can get my money back if he does not met the monthly payments? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
LbrEukRPVMq0xvA0QB1vG3cizzWFsIgC | axtkar | {
"description": "telling my girl she's fat",
"pronormative_score": 52,
"contranormative_score": 40
} | AITA for telling my girl she’s fat? | Gf has alway had a lot of confidence. I liked it about her. But sometimes she gets mean. I have a chubby friend. I think he’s sensitive about it. He’s never outright said. He’s male. He made a joke about never getting girl. My gf who knows he’s sensitive about his weight made a joke about his fat. She’s no lightweight herself and I felt bad for my buddy so I made the same joke about her. She’s furious at me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 51,
"EVERYBODY": 36,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 52,
"WRONG": 40
} | RIGHT |
IX8bBLW3pPvJjGSaVxlhvPFOQHyqpucB | b4hob3 | {
"description": "not paying for a sandwich that I ate",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not paying for a sandwich that I ate? | My friends enjoy home hangouts. Every other weekend we would pick a location, typically my apartment or Liz’s (my close friend) apartment, and we'd all bring stuff for group entertainment. Being good friends, everyone brings food or drinks to share. Sometimes I would bring some nice alcohol or a meal, sometimes only chips and juice if that was what I could afford. Similar situation for other friends: sometimes they bring pizza, sometimes only a board game. No one was ever be called out for not bringing something. We're all college students so we totally understand that money can be tight. No big deal.
Anyway, this night, Liz was hosting. I texted her asking if there was anything in particular I should bring. She replies saying that a friend I did not know would be bringing food for us. Cool. I opted to bring drinks and some video games. Note: This friend had been to previous group gatherings, I just didn’t attend those.
When I arrive, the new friend is not there yet. There are only desserts available. The friend, Mary, showed up about 15 mins later with those super long Port of Subs sandwiches cut into about a dozen pieces. Mary places it on the table and most of the group goes to get piece. I don't because I was in conversation with Liz at the time. Our conversation ends and Liz reminds me to go get some of the sandwich because we'll be playing games soon. I notice the sandwich has some stuff I don't eat but this free food at a group gathering, so obviously I'm not about to complain. Also, I'm pretty hungry at this point. I picked off what I didn’t like and ate the rest.
As the night winds down and people are talking about going home soon, Mary announces that anyone who ate a piece of the sandwich needs to venmo her $4.23. She says she did the calculations, that's the cost, and that she's sorry but she's on a college budget. I'm super annoyed because she waited until AFTER we all ate to put a price tag on it and like I mentioned, the sandwich isn't really something I would choose to eat but I did because it was the only non-dessert option. Liz told me she had no idea Mary would want to be paid back, especially considering that Liz's boyfriend had to give Mary a ride from her dorm to the sub shop, then to the apartment, then back to the dorm again when the night was over, all free of charge. Half of our friend group did know Mary before I did, so I have no idea if this was normal behavior for her but they didn't seem particularly surprised or annoyed. I think most of the people that ate a sandwich did venmo her. I personally decided not to pay her because I felt it was unfair for her to spring the cost on us after we ate. Had I known I would be charged, I wouldn't have eaten it. I do feel a bit bad because maybe she did really need the money but we're all on a college budget so it's not like that's a unique situation either.
​
So, AITA? I'm willing to pay her if I am. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
cuM7O4vvSQzPf0hCruHfQcYCDFBbt1X5 | alkom9 | {
"description": "not canceling plans",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not canceling plans? | Throwaway account and posting from mobile, yada yada....
For some background, about 3 weeks ago my wife was supposed to go on a work trip for about a month. After she was set to go, i made some plans to have a small weekend roadtrip to see some friends in my hometown. Her trip was canceled the day before she was supposed to leave, and we were both very happy about that.
Fast forward to now. This is the weekend i was supposed to go visit, and my wife has found out that she's leaving for a few weeks for a different unexpected work trip this monday. She really wanted to go out (which we have not been able to do for a while) and spend the weekend together before she leaves, but several of my old friends are already excited that I'm making a trip in, and one had planned a party, which he has already spent a decent amount of money on.
I'd love to spend the weekend with my wife, but my closest friend has already gotten the weekend off, which as a cook/bartender is hard for him to do, and spent well over $100 on a small party for me.
I can tell my wife is dissapointed, though she understands, and i want to be here for her before she leaves, but i don't want to leave the people expecting me hanging out to dry either. I offered to take her out on a nice date tomorrow, as I'm leaving on Friday, to make up for it, but i still feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.
AITA for not cancelling my trip?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eRiTUUAFCqzfvJlMULGGI0uUeKGe44Te | a2kvlx | {
"description": "not wanting my friends to mix",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting my friends to mix?? | I’m a high school junior, and I recently got into theatre. I’ve done two plays- one at my public high school and one at a local private all girls school. Because I’m a guy, I was able to get a good role with little experience (they need as many males as they can get to fill the roles).
Now I’m auditioning for the play at the private school, and my friend is planning on doing the play at our public school. I prefer the private school plays because they are higher budget, better facilitated, and to be frank, I prefer the people there.
My friend got a large role in the play at our school, but he’s unhappy because he wanted the #1 lead in the whole thing. So today, he asked me “should I audition for the play at (the private school). I do not want him to do so.
Immediately I knew that it would not be easy to communicate to him that I did not want him to do the show. It’s nothing personal, but I have made new friends and I would like to keep things the way they are. The private school is something of an escape because I can be a different person than usual, as none of the people there knew before I started doing their plays.
So when he texted me asking whether he should try out, I tried to be as delicate as I could (I was aware of the dangers of such conversation right away). I told him that I use the plays there as an escape, it’s nothing against him, he’s still my friend, but I would just prefer to keep them separate. I told him that he is of course free to make his own decisions but I would prefer if he did the show at our public school rather than the show I will he doing. He did not take kindly to this.
He was immediately angry. He said (over text) “I won’t fucking do it then” and said how he thought he could do the show with me because he has in the last confided in me that he is unhappy with the state of our drama program.
Anyway, I tried to be civil and respectful. I repeated that he is obviously free to do what he wants, but the fact that he is angry doesn’t change my feelings. All of these interactions were occurring over text.
He proceeded to go in with some personal attacks. He called me “Mr. Bigshot” even though I did not brag at all. His claim was that I thought I was better because I did the private school show when the truth is I just felt very strongly that I loved theatre and wanted to immerse myself in it ASAP. He also guilted me by saying “fine, I’ll just go be miserable at (public school)”. I would him I would not tolerate this kind of treatment when I’m trying to be open and honest with him.
I wanted to talk to him IRL, and the opportunity arose when I saw him tonight at a school event. I got a moment alone with him, and asked to talk, but he shook his head and said “no”. I was mad at that point because I felt like he didn’t even want to attempt to figure things out.
I feel like I’m being fair because I’m being honest, but it’s also possible that I’m being mean by telling him I don’t want him there??
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
vzhViARuD4i1BbciluwjtzpUvDaHBh4x | aj2zua | {
"description": "changing my girlfriend's oil in her car, but messed it up and destroyed her engine",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for changing my girlfriend’s oil in her car, but messed it up and destroyed her engine? | So I learned how to change my own car’s oil a few weeks ago and was super proud of myself. You know, researched it and watched a video and got my own tools and did it all myself. No problems. I was feeling pretty confident.
My girlfriend mentioned that she hadn’t changed her oil in about a year, had not even topped it up, and I was shocked by that. I told her that’s way too long to wait for an oil change. So I offered to change her oil for her, too. BTW she drives a 1995 Honda Accord. She said she could just take it into a garage and pay for some one to do it, but I insisted I could do it for her if she just bought the oil.
So I looked up which oil and fluid capacities her car takes (gasoline engine, cool climate, 5W-30 should do the trick). I proceeded to remove the oil plug, and I noticed that it was SUPER tight. I had to really reef on my wrench to get it loose, but it came off in the end. The oil drained into the pan super grubby and I showed it to her. I cleaned the plug, wiped the area around the thread on the reservoir and screwed the plug back in and tightened it up. I made sure it was pretty snug (I’m a strong guy and gave it a few really good tugs) but definitely not as tight as it was when I first removed it, because that seemed ridiculous. Put the new oil in, ran the engine for a while, checked the dipstick a few times, and made sure it had enough. She was happy, and I was pleased with my “manliness” Hahahaha.
A week later, this morning she texts me before she goes to work saying that her engine cut out and wouldn’t start. I tell her to check the oil level. Dead empty. I tell her to check underneath to see if there’s a puddle of oil underneath. Yup. She mentions the engine was making knocking sounds before it cut out.
Fuck. Sounds like the engine ran out of oil and seized. She took a cab to work. Haven’t gotten a diagnosis yet but I’m going to assume that I didn’t put the oil plug back in properly, or the thread got damaged somehow, and the oil all drained out and her engine got destroyed.
I feel like a piece of shit for insisting on changing her oil myself and that it’s all my fault. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
QuRgLTEA0oruBHu9DtDBaP3Oxuvx1Uqt | augl21 | {
"description": "refusing my family money so I may save up for college",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing my family money so I may save up for college? | Long story short, my family tries to get money out of me to buy them things. I'll gladly pay for anything important such as medicine or groceries, but when it's something useless like a toy, an uneducational book, or new electronics, I get hesitant and try to get out of it, only for my family to accuse me of being greedy and stingy. The worst offender is my father, who uses MY money for gambling. I don't know what to do, I try to explain to them that I'll be in debt after college, but I don't want them to get severe. What can I do to stop it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3do73ECxn3wiZtWl78rwv24trdE3Cbj1 | b950a1 | {
"description": "taking a close friend's spot on a trip with her so after she was just dumped",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I Took A Close Friend’s Spot On A Trip With Her SO After She Was Just Dumped? | So I’m Randall and I have a friend group and we are all close and have all been hanging out for a long time now. For the past few years we all hang out together at least once a week. The group consists of me, my friend James, and two sisters, Sarah and Megan. James and Sarah have also been in a relationship for three years now but broke up a few days ago (He broke up with her). To make a long story short, James booked an upcoming trip for him and Sarah that they were both excited for and he spent a good amount of money on the trip (trip cannot be cancelled). But seeing as him and Sarah just broke up he asked me today how I felt about the idea of him altering the trip so his money won’t be wasted. Altering would mean, inviting me, his brother and Megan instead.Honestly that does sound like it would be fun but I felt like it would be a little grimy to take the spot on the trip that was initially meant for a close friend of mine. And his logic for inviting Megan was that him and Megan are still friends outside of his relationship with Sarah and we’ve hang out as a trio in the past (prior to the break up) and a breakup shouldn’t change that. Even though I’m technically closer friends with James than Sarah, I’m still close to Sarah and think it would be insensitive of me to go on that trip. And I kind of think she would be mad at me for doing so (If she found out). WIBTA for accepting an invite in her place?
PS: Turning this into a group trip with the four of us mentioned in the beginning is unfortunately out of the question.
P.P.S: This is a throwaway and all names are fake because I’m paranoid lol. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
YOH9WYZxUk27aUDKDKNf5La2uo5Q0Gv4 | b9vf24 | {
"description": "complaining to my girlfriend about something she did",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA if I complained to my girlfriend about something she did? | My girlfriend has a public event coming up soon. Think something like a dance competition.
Anyhow, her and her friends went out to dinner and discussed the upcoming event. Apparently her server asked several questions about it, and so she told him that he should show up to support them. So far no big deal.
Apparently he gave her his phone number and said if she wanted him to come she'd have to text him the address. Apparently she did, and he then continued texting her which she simply ignored. Now it seems like he is most likely going to be at the event, and I'm going to support my girlfriend. I am really not looking forward to potentially bumping into him.
I feel pretty uncomfortable about the exchange. It seems vaguely flirty to me, and inappropriate she'd go out of her way to text, and invite a total stranger.
AITA for being kind of upset? WIBTA if I brought up my feelings to my girlfriend? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
SUs5Yu1OUso7uVtNiLk585a7pl1xEROe | 9vy9lu | {
"description": "tossing an acquaintance a charity donation",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for tossing an acquaintance a charity donation? | Backstory is needed. Don’t take the title at face value. It’s also worth noting everyone in this scenario are college students, i.e., not particularly wealthy.
Two days ago, an acquaintance of mine was asking around for donations for a charity drive he’s participating in. Very actively asking around. He’d send Venmo requests immediately to anyone he spoke with, eventually running out of Venmo requests (I didn’t even know there was a limit on daily requests!) and just trying to convince people through word to donate.
He gets to me, inevitably, while I’m doing some reading for a class, and goes through his whole donation routine. I tell him I don’t have any cash on me right now. He tells me to just Venmo him. I tell him I’ll bring some money tomorrow to donate, because I have some spare cash and change at home I’d much rather donate, since it’s been sitting on my dresser without use for a few months. He’s not at all happy with this answer, and pushes me a while longer to Venmo him, but eventually leaves me alone.
So that night I go home, collect every spare dollar bill and quarter I have (eventually amounting to a decent donation sum) and stick it in a Ziploc bag so I can just hand it to him the next day without much hassle.
The next day comes around. I’m back sitting in the same spot, doing reading again. He sits down about 10 feet away and starts eating lunch. I remember that I promised I’d donate to him, and that this might be the only time I see him that day, so I get the Ziploc out of my bag and get his attention. I pantomime throwing the bag for him to catch, and throw it towards him. Poorly. It ends up landing on the ground next to his table, because surprise surprise, throwing things in Ziploc bags isn’t particularly easy.
He wasn’t happy about this. Not one bit. He immediately goes off: “Seriously dude? Did you just do that? Do you seriously not realize how disrespectful that is?”. This goes on for some time, and I’ve got a shit-eating grin on my face because I was certain he was joking. What was wrong with that? I was genuinely confused in the moment until it hit me he was totally serious. After his rant, he storms off for a good half hour to some undisclosed location, leaving all of his belongings and food just sitting at the table.
I can understand that there exists a small number of situations that this would be totally disrespectful. If I didn’t know him whatsoever and threw money at him out of anger, yeah, that would be disrespectful. If he was begging on the street corner and I cared so little about him that I tossed money on the ground in front of him, that would be disrespectful. But no, this is a guy I’ve known for three years. Someone that less than a month ago, I was sandwiched next to trying to fit three people in the back of a car, and so we watched football on his phone during the drive. We’re certainly not best buds, but we’re casual with each other. And if he thinks it’s appropriate for him to bother me while I’m trying to read for a donation, I’d think it’s appropriate for me to try to toss him my donation when he didn’t seemingly want to come by me to grab it himself.
Normally, I would do my best to talk to him and explain the situation, make him understand what I did wasn’t trying to insult him, but he’s been so unwilling to even look at me that I don’t think this is a bridge I need to bother to rebuild.
So, and I the asshole for tossing him my donation? And am I the asshole for not caring enough to apologize? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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4OWNMNwHjvpvYLxJ0qFTn4jaOJtxXDbx | ar3x78 | {
"description": "being annoyed with my cat",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for being annoyed with my cat? | ...or is my cat the asshole?
His name is PJ (Patrick Jr., after my husband) but mainly we call him Pidgey. He’s always been a real 10 of a guy; a real cat to brag about. He greets me at the door when I get home from work every day, he is always down for a cuddle and he doesn’t seem to know that his claws and teeth could be used for violence against humans. Seriously, you could pick him up and toss him around and he’d just meow at you. Not that I would ever do that. He’s my precious Pidgey.
But, in other news, fuck Pidgey. Because as much as I really do love him, he sucks. I understand that cats can develop territories, and lately Pidgey has adopted the upstairs bathroom and hallway. However, this seems to apply only between the hours of 5- 7AM.
Every weekday morning it’s the same: my alarm goes off and I sneak out of my lovely warm bed. Already, Pidgey is on the other side of the door meowing like it’s his job to wake me up or I’ll sleep forever. And no, before you even suggest it, he’s not hungry. The first thing I do is go downstairs and feed him; he ignores the food completely and runs right back upstairs to bother me in the bathroom.
You know those tear-jerking videos of dogs greeting their owners after long absences? It’s like that, every morning, only it’s 5:30 AM and I’m fucking tired and trying to get ready. I cannot deal with him every single morning. He puts out his paw in this cute little pantomime of “pet me pet me!” and I just do not have it in me. Don’t get me wrong, I pet the shit out of the little bastard, but it’s never enough. I get in the shower, he sticks his head through the curtain and meows at me. I get out, soaking wet, and he covers my wet legs in cat hair before I can dry off. I brush my teeth and he jumps up on the sink and bumps my hand. Cat hair everywhere, and no amount of petting settles him down.
The rest of the day, he’s a normal chill cat. He’s upstairs right now, being chill. If I go up there, he’ll come over and say hi, but where’s all the intensity? Right now I’m sitting downstairs on the couch with a perfectly good open lap and two hands that could be used for petting (if I weren’t currently shit-talking him online), but no. It has to be the only time of day when I’m on a time constraint and otherwise unable to give him the attention he demands.
I could shut the bathroom door, of course. But such a good boy deserves my love, doesn’t he? He’s a good boy. Every time I growl “enough!” and rudely toss him off the kitchen sink, I feel like an asshole. He seems to have gotten it into his head that this is the only time of day he can receive love, and he goes after it with the intensity of a drowning man. It seems so sad to deny him. Should I just accept the fact that this is his love language and set my alarm earlier to make time for Pidgey? Or is he a fucking asshole who needs to fucking chill? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
PXCaoyyKQTEAkbaNnKT4OUHGXTu11d2j | 9vozyl | {
"description": "hitting a women",
"pronormative_score": 147,
"contranormative_score": 51
} | AITA for hitting a women? | Little brother died because a drug dealer sold him Fentanyl instead of heroine. I’ve been looking for this guy for ages, with the intent to seriously hurt him.
It wasn’t a guy the entire time, but a GIRL WHO SOLD IT TO HIM. She was aware it was Fentanyl, but said that she doesn’t care who dies if she gets her money. I punched her in the face. Literally.
Normally, I wouldn’t care and I wouldn’t be asking if I was an asshole or not, except that this was a women I hit, instead of a man. If it had been a guy, I wouldn’t have an ounce of regret in me. Fuck him.
Only regret because she’s a girl. If it had been a guy, I would have beaten the shit outa him. Instead I punched her in the face, pushed her, and left. I feel like I’m definitely an asshole, but at the same time, I don’t think she suffered enough. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 51,
"OTHER": 144,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 147,
"WRONG": 51
} | RIGHT |
IfUvth4uB5eJob1tXsb9zeY7tpxIXrqQ | b2ono6 | {
"description": "telling a bullied kid to improve himself before trying to find friends",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a bullied kid to improve himself before trying to find friends? | I'm a junior. There's a freshman, let's call him Mason, who is unpopular and bullied. As a freshman, I was pretty unpopular as a freshman, although not bullied, just a loner. But sophomore year, I became popular. Mason's parents and my parents are friends, and Saturday they came over for dinner. Mason asked to talk to me, I told him to come to my room. He told me he really wants to be popular, and asked if, since we're family friends, I could invite him to stuff and all that. I thought about it for a moment, and mulling it over, it's a resounding fuck no. Why? It's a lose-lose for Mason, me, and my friend group.
For Mason: Think of it this way. Everybody hates him because 1) I hate to say it, but he's unpopular for a reason and 2) he's a freshman. So what happens if I suddenly start inviting him to shit? My friends will see him as trying to force himself into our group, and hate him even more.
For my friends: As I've said, nobody likes him. He's kinda weird, never stops talking about the weirdest shit, etc. So they'll be forced to hang out with someone they hate.
For me: My friends will resent me for forcing Mason onto them.
So I told him no, and explained my rationale (I wasn't as blunt as I was here). He got upset about this, and repeated he really wanted to be popular.
So I told him, if you want to be popular, you have to earn it. He seemed confused, so I asked him why he thinks he deserves popularity. He asked what I meant. The conversation from there went like this:
Me: You can't force people to be your friend. And that's exactly what you're doing. You're trying to force people into being friends with you, but they won't be your friend unless they want to.
Mason: So you're saying I'll never be popular?
Me: No, I'm saying if you want to be popular, you have to work for it. People aren't going to like you just because you want them to. You have to become worthy of their friendship and respect.
Mason: So how then?
Me: Stop whining, start lifting weights, join some clubs, pick up a sport. Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Be brutal with yourself. Get a new haircut, a skincare routine, whatever. Learn some social skills. Then come back to me, and I might invite you somewhere.
He got upset at this and left, and apparently he told his parents. His parents told my parents, my parents thought I was perfectly reasonable, his parents thought I was being an asshole. I think I was being reasonable here. He's trying to force his way into popularity. That's the wrong way to do it. I know that because I've tried it. It'll only cause people to hate him more. He can't force people to love him no matter how much he tries. So the only option is, improve himself. Then maybe people might like him. But he and his parents disagree.
So, aita? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
WzAMbpCskb5TILtASlpyO0O9jC2m4SnG | b18itf | {
"description": "selling someone a truck that died 20 minutes after the sale",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for selling someone a truck that died 20 minutes after the sale? | I had a truck that had 200+k miles on it and some transmission issues. I took it to 3 mechanics to try to fix the issues and found out it probably needed a new transmission but it still drove okay. I then decided I didnt want to put anymore money into it and decided to sell it. I posted it online and was totally transparent about all of its issues, let the dude test drive it and took him on a ride while I drove it as well. He decided to get it. The bill of sale also states "as is". After the sale on his way home the transmission went out and he called me pissed. AITA for selling it to him even tho I was totally transparent about its issues? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
79rM6OohoEgI0dEl8Bl93zjM1U88lwcC | asmafl | {
"description": "asking for the profit when my brother sold my tv",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for asking for the profit when my brother sold my TV? | My brother (30) and I (32) live in different towns.
He has moved around a lot lately. He needed a TV for his new place, and I offered him my old one for $100. He negotiated the price down to $70, and I agreed.
Soon after, he decided he no longer wanted the TV, and instead sold it on for $150. He told me later, and said he would keep all the extra. Considering I gave him the TV for cheap (because he is my brother), I felt a bit taken advantage of and thought that money, by rights, should be mine. He eventually agreed to give me half the profits.
So, reddit, AITA for thinking that money should be mine? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
5r9s5hF0Oo1frdxw96iTYUBQ68nPelKs | azlefi | {
"description": "not opening the door for someone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA- Not opening the door for someone ? | I was in a rush to take a shuttle to a train station that goes to New York City. I live in an apartment complex and I didn’t open the door for the lady who was on her way to getting out as well. But she was so far away ( not even close to the door) that I didn’t bother to open the door for her. Then she would annoy the crap out of me for not having “manners” and when I asked is there a problem? And she replied that sounds very ghetto.. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
H9Zwfl6Jryk55aA00QEFd4yfcrKFQpYX | 9tn9d8 | {
"description": "trying to help my roommate and defending myself",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to help my roommate and defending myself? (Woke her up in the middle of the night) | Hello Reddit, I need some advice.
So my roommate and I get along just fine besides sometimes she's a little bit messy and I will ask her to clean up every once in a while, no big deal.
However, we've had this issue only one time before where I go to bed late and accidentally wake her up. (Obviously, this is NOT intentional!). She's an art major so she really doesn't have much homework but there has been times where she has come in late from working in the art studio (around 5am) and woken me up. This has only happened a few times, but I didn't mind and didn't say anything to her. However, when I'm napping she will often blast the TV as loudly as possible (she has a lot of free time, so she's here watching TV often and I respect it as one of her hobbies). But I always just try to cover my ears with my pillow and sleep, again, no big deal.
So I've only woken her up once before that I know of. The other time this happened I just ran into the room for one second to grab some clothes since I was sleeping at a friend's house. She blew up, just like this time.
Last night I was up studying late, but I needed to take a shower before bed so I got my clothes from the drawers. My drawers are well organized and I'm able to get what I need quickly. So, I just grab my towel and PJs and head for the bathroom, then by 4:30 ish I'm finally in bed. It really didn't take long for me to get my stuff at all. Definitely less than a minute I would even argue that I was only in there for 30 seconds. Anyways, she had a problem with it.
So with this being the second time this has happened to me, I decided maybe we need to think of a common ground or solution.
Here's the screenshots of our conversation:
http://imgur.com/a/RQE9PUC
AITA here? I genuinely cannot tell and don't know where to go from here. I can't think of any other options and of course I feel bad that I woke her up but she's making it so hard to have any sympathy.
*All of the what's and the question marks are where she seeimingly becomes a different person or takes a different side of the conversation, I was genuinely confused | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bGgfhWKeluMQujL8ITaMxvOdZAUTRRBa | b8ph8q | {
"description": "smoking weed in front of kids",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for smoking weed in front of kids? | I live in CA weed is legal, house is nearby a middle and high school. I usually get home from work at 3pm when kids are getting out, and I smoke in the front yard where they are walking by. I see them coming so I usually dont smoke until they pass but was wondering if IATA for smoking in general at that time when they can see/smell it? (have no where else to smoke) Dont get me wrong Im not right next to them Im probably like 50 feet away and most of them walk on the other side of the street. At the same time I feel I should be able to do what I want on my property, but I do feel bad and worst for the middle schoolers. FYI I rather any human use weed than drink alcohol which imo is the real drug, I just dont want to be the guy that exposes them to it you know? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
XUHVOvGu4WAo8vH9ZrGSASXTKPuOPacU | 9yyb5u | {
"description": "not helping an old schoolmate pay for gas",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not helping an old schoolmate pay for gas? | I just graduated last year and I remember this guy from the grade below me. I went down to the gas station to get snacks. He was there and he had $40 in gas but his debit card wasn't working and he didn't have any cash. When I got to the counter they let me checkout. He recognized me and he asked if I could help out. He said he'd pay ne back at some point. I had the money, but I said no. I really didn't trust him. I also had to pay for my own gas later that week and groceries. I also said no because he never treated me well in high school. AITA for not paying for him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
b1TS8VfRGYN9Pw6P73aruk3AlLYSBYol | b34u7g | null | AITA, drivers of Reddit? | Apologies as this isn’t the typical AITA story but I have to know. So first a little backstory- I, (21F) have a clean driving record. No accidents or tickets ever. I drive a tiny little beater. I live in the US.
So I have an hour commute to work each way- usually before sunrise and after sunset, so very dark (this is in the mountains, so extra dark). Now, this hour long commute is on a two-lane road. There are very few places to pass, and the speed limit is 60 or less the entire way. Now, my area is notorious for a few things- logging trucks, aggressive drivers, and cops. I see someone getting a ticket almost every time I make this commute. This being said, I don’t like speeding on this road. I go 60-65 the entire way. This causes a lot of problems for me, because people love to tailgate me- too close for comfort. Even huge logging trucks will get within 5 feet of me, and it makes me really uncomfortable. Now, if they do pass me, they’ll easily go 20-30 mph faster than me (like I said, really aggressive). Here’s the thing- because it’s a windy road, there are several pullouts. I can use these pullouts, but it makes me super nervous because they’re tailgating so close to me, I’m scared I’ll get in a crash. And I’ve had a few close calls.
So here’s my problem- this is becoming a regular issue for me. So much so that if I were to pullout, I would have to 5-6 times during this hour, slowing down my commute significantly, and giving me a lot of anxiety. So I don’t- I stand my ground and go the speed limit, because to me, it’s the lesser of two evils. I get these people want to get places, especially the truck drivers, but it makes me feel unsafe and anxious to get pulled over going any faster. So tell me, AITA for standing my ground on the road? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jwxDE5s2QYa44Eh33av5SchgJHbmpC7u | b7t2d2 | {
"description": "not eating my stepdads food",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not eating my stepdads food | My stepdad made food for dinner. And it was something I didn't like, so I made myself a bowl of cereal instead. Later he came down and yelled at me about it. Now he's stomping around our house calling me ungrateful, wasteful, and selfish, when I thought i was being smart not wasting food. Am I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
xZaaMymP1BEXILsOcaxshq45KavxIYUV | b7j3rv | {
"description": "not wanting my dad to comment on my instagram account",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my dad to comment on my instagram account? | First off I'm not implying that my dad is being an asshole for commenting on my instagram. He's definitely not, and he's just supporting me.
Here's the thing though, it was supposed to be an account only for art without anyone that I actually know following and without revealing my identity because I like to keep myself out of the attention and only show my art. Anyway my dad followed me anyway and the thing is that he's the only person who comments on my posts so it's kind of an awkward feeling to think of people thinking "aww she doesn't have any friends, only her dad comments on her posts" (which I don't have any friends but hey)
If I actually had other people commenting on my posts I wouldn't feel this way about him commenting it's just that he's the ONLY person. I feel like I'm probably too old to feel this way and I'm being immature.
Am I an asshole for not wanting my dad to comment on my posts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1C9YHNcAeM7ctOcHGnfnnPKPp2afb8z2 | b2jknp | {
"description": "breaking up an engagement",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For breaking up an engagement? | TL;DR: I slept with an ex, found out that a month after the event she got engaged to her (long term) boyfriend, was guilted into telling her fiancé, receiving verbal abuse from multiple sources. AITA?
Full Story: many years ago I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me. Over the years, we've met up a few times for some casual fun, the latest being a couple of months ago. I knew that every time we met up, she had been with the same guy, but she always claimed that they were "broken up". She would then disappear for a couple of months, when they would "get back together", and come back when they were "broken up". A month after our last encounter, she got engaged.
About a week after that, a friend mentioned that their cousin got engaged, and showed me photos. The photo was of her cousin, the fiancé, with my ex. I was shocked, and confided to my friend that I had slept with her cousins fiance a month before. She told me that I needed to tell her cousin, and that it would be wrong for me to do nothing.
So, with that, I got his number, messaged him the story, showed him proof (screenshots of text message conversations). He ended things with her, as apparently they had never broken up (I guess I knew but never wanted to admit it), and now her, all her family, and most of his family, now blame me for breaking up their engagement. It's now making things awkward between my friend and I, as her family now hates me. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
TZ77rZdWHMAxIYUGVEHMuFBODZqnUxQh | awazwr | {
"description": "giving my daughter meat when she's with me even though her dad raises her as a pescatarian",
"pronormative_score": 76,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for giving my daughter meat when she’s with me even though her dad raises her as a pescatarian? | My daughter’s dad and I aren’t together and he has her on the weekends. I don’t eat meat often because I’m not a fan of it but I make sure to include it in her diet here and there since number one, she’s only three and developing and number two, unless it’s bad for her or it triggers an allergy, I won’t restrict her food choices. It’s her ultimate decision in my opinion. Her dad feeds her fish sometimes but he mainly eats vegan. He grew up eating meat but took on this annoying kombucha drinking lifestyle a couple of years ago and is anti-meat.. well land animal.
Anyways, today he picked her up from daycare and told me she told him that I gave her chicken. He said that she was so sad to find out that I gave her chicken and he feels like I violated her trust. She’s three. She is fully aware of what she’s eating and I don’t sneak it to her. He told me that she’s an animal lover and is devastated. Really? What the hell.
I just want to know genuinely, if I’m the asshole here because I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 74,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 76,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
LHKCF58ZBHoRx5hGS7oZ6DRx6WJYpMZg | b7etbc | {
"description": "walking out of a store without paying",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for walking out of a store without paying? | So this happened yesterday. I was at a stationary shop near my house to buy some quick-dry glue(It is
super cheap btw). When I checked the packet after coming home, it had spilled all over so I went to return it. I showed it to a girl sitting at the front desk. i also had the money for the replacement and had decided to pay after getting the other pack as it is a small business. She called her senior and in the meantime, handed me a replacement pack. the senior examined my pack and accused me of using half of the glue and intentionally spilling the other half for a replacement. I tried to explain to him that it was not the case but he refused to listen. At this point, I lost my cool and walked away saying that I will ever visit them again. now i feel bad for acting that way for such a small amount of money. AITA for doing this | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wCktMCWgazO0zX2AeGJHl9zXLt8y5fih | ap2mw1 | {
"description": "staying silent",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for staying silent? | Me (14M) and my girlfriend (14F and now my ex) broke up because we didn't have any romantic feelings towards one another and got into a relationship because our friends said we had the same interests, and that we were made for each other (I guess not after what happened). She said she wanted to be a friend of mine and still talk to me as friends.
Our relationship was going for 2 months and I wasn't really interested or invested in it anyway, and one day, she said she wants to break up and I said that I was fine with it. She said that I have to help her get through the breakup heat, to which I agreed to. A few days later, our friends (who told us we'd be great together) started asking why we broke up and stuff like that. I didn't say anything at the time, and neither supported her version at the time because I wasn't invested or interested in this, plus this was going on while our mid term exams so I needed to concentrate.
During the same time, I got to know (not through her) that she was in a relationship with me just to make her ex jealous. I didn't care, but when this got to our friend circle, everyone got mad at her, and my friends started to think that I was interested in her, but she wasn't so, according to them, she betrayed my trust. I didn't say anything again, and one of her best friends (friends since childhood) was my good friend too. And there was now already a gap between them due to the whole breakup thing. I still didn't care. But according to my ex (whom I was still talking to) said that the situation could've been different if I said things in support of the breakup's reason. But I said nothing. I feel kinda guilty about it, and wanna know reddit's opinion on this if I'm the wrong one here. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
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8oG0T5VRvr2V91hnii1aHV1ozuhgJiDF | b9ogim | {
"description": "not using the money that my uncle gave me (for me) to buy a gift for my mom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not using the money that my uncle gave me (for me) to buy a gift for my mom | Hey this is my first post so im not really good at this but here we go
i have 4 siblings and im the middle child. If you are a middle child you would understand that some times you feel like you're getting left out. But anyways we went to Montreal for a vaca. (which we barely go there maybe 2 or 3 times a year) over there my uncle gave us all 20$ i was thinking about different things to do with it. The next day I wake up and my 20 dollars is gone i go looking around and i notice my siblings are all in a circle discussing so I ask what's up and then they say "we're buying something for mom for her bday" they had a kind of hostility towards me I felt pretty intimidated so i said no i told them u can't just take my money without asking and then they started to get all mad and treat me like a horrible person because i didnt wanna get a gift for my mom...
am I the asshole??? | HISTORICAL | {
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xXyq5SzFKVVPxzFEwL0wSJYxJWBWZ6G2 | b2qtus | {
"description": "not changing dinner to accommodate an allergy",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not changing dinner to accommodate an allergy? | Hello all,
My family often does a crawfish boil for St. Patty’s. We live in the South and it’s sort of a fun, off-beat tradition. We don’t necessarily always do it, sometimes we do corned beef and cabbage instead (or nothing), but we often do if the weather is okay.
My sister started dating a new guy a few months ago, call him Bill. He’s allergic to shellfish, which I think we knew, but it hadn’t come up before. We planned the crawfish boil, and then day of, preparation already started, my sister asks what the menu is. My mom tells her we’re doing the crawfish boil thing. She goes “what’s bill going to eat?” Record scratch as we all realize.
We panicked and debated alternate food options for him, but then he said he wouldn’t be able to come if shellfish was served. We went ahead with the original plans (as food had already been bought.)
His family was in town, so he and my sister went to their place for dinner. She and Bill joined us the next day for a more casual dinner.
Turns out, he was super pissed and offended that we didn’t change the menu. I feel bad, but I also don’t think he should be pissed at us. I think he should be pissed at my sister.
AWTA? | HISTORICAL | {
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NvENAZ4SHZ2ayKnonFyye0iRNlNsYPXm | a1zbcl | {
"description": "holding the wrist of a 13 year old girl",
"pronormative_score": 168,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for holding the wrist of a 13 year old girl? | Back story, wife is friends with a “bullish” woman whom I have repeatedly asked to stop being “tom boyish” or physical with me, basically invading my ‘bubble’. Nothing really sexual about it, just makes me uncomfortable and I feel it disrespects my wife, as if a male was to act like that around her and me, it would irk me to no end. My wife thinks its funny.
This woman has a 13 year old daughter who I would say on the younger side mentally, but more mature physically, and i would say she has some of her mothers traits.
She stayed with us, as she has previously, both have.
The incident in question was minor, I was leaving a room with food in my hand then out of nowhere a suprise punch happened in the middle of my back, it didnt hurt, but it was hard I guess for a 13 yr old, i was certainly caught off guard and shocked ( im a jumpy guy ). At this point i faced the girl and said in a stern voice, “im serious, do not punch me again” at which point she punched my shoulder, again not hard, but enough to be seen as a “not listening challange”, i then asked her to stop again and stated something along the lines about i am serious again, at which point again she punched out. I believe it was either in response to that or another attempt is when i took hold of her wrist.
I want to emphasize i was not gripping her, nor making her arm move in any abnormal way, it was a relaxed hold. i am at least 3 times her weight and probably 18” taller, if i wanted to “physically restrain” her beyond stoppinn her being able to throw punches i could of.
No marks, no cries out, she was giggling like it was a challange.
So why AITA question? Because my wife took it upon herself to chastize me about placing my hands on someone elses kid, how it was innapropriate and how I should apologize to the girl. Maybe all valid points but she did this in front of the girl, to the point of when I tried to explain myself and what i was doing what i was doing, the girl said “maybe you should stop speaking now”, but my wife thinks I am completely in the wrong and I feel she has belittled and demasculated me.
I freely admit i have a dry sense of humor and there is joking verbally all round in certain situations.
Tl/dr - wifes friend daughter who stays with us from time to time, suprised punched me in the back, when i tried to adult to get her to stop, she continued, I held her wrist in a manner that just prevented myself being punched ? Am i the asshole ? | HISTORICAL | {
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KpkhtSQE7Zf2412Q6MOBIcj4XWE8kH56 | a8byxi | {
"description": "asking for repayment for something I bought my brother when I owe him",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking for repayment for something I bought my brother when I owe him? | Ok, so here's the thing. My brother wanted me to buy something for him as I have Amazon Prime and he doesn't (he wanted it shipped faster). I bought it. I already owe him a decent amount of money for a shared phone bill, and he's been kind enough to let it go on, although recently he's been more on me about it. After I bought it, he asked me if I would want the price of what I bought to be taken off what I owe him (it was less than what I owe him) or if I wanted him to repay me for it. I said I wanted him to repay me for it. He asked me if he wanted him to Venmo me it, and I said I'd rather our parents (who are the primary account holders on our bank accounts we've had since we were younger) just transfer the money. He said he was ok with that as long as I was the one to ask our parents to transfer the money. I agreed to that. I just recently asked them and they refused to transfer it, because it's "not right" to ask for money from someone you owe money to. While I agree with that to an extent, my brother and I already had an agreement on it. When I told them as such they still refused to transfer the money. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NFrlJO49vQOGotWzsnDD9JCnAE86sfCc | b7cshl | {
"description": "not avoiding a girl after she flirted with me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not avoiding a girl after she flirted with me? | Hey all,
My girlfriend [25F] and I[24M] had a small argument about this situation. We resolved it, we just wanted to hear some other people's takes on it. Also, the girl in question turned out to be gay anyways, but neither of us knew that at the time of the argument. Ok, here's the story:
Girl in question (let's call her Wanda) is close friends with some of my really close friends, and we've hung out several times in group settings. I get along well with Wanda, we've talked about cooking together (we both love to cook), and she's met my GF once before. We texted several times about getting together to cook for some friends, all innocent stuff. Then, she sent me a text saying that she was going out with some friends and "It'd make me happy if you came :)". I perceived this to be a little flirtatious, and told my GF about it. I didn't think it was a big deal, and I told my GF that if Wanda still wanted to hang out or cook together, I'd be fine with that.
My GF's take on the situation was that A) Wanda was being disrespectful to GF and our relationship by hitting on me after meeting GF, B) It would be a dumb idea to put myself in a situation where someone who had already made advances towards me could do it again.
My take is that A) Wanda didn't actually cross any boundaries (of mine at least), and as long as she continued not to, I didn't see a problem with being around her, B) I have enough self restraint to keep it in my pants around someone who's hitting on me.
It's worth noting that Wanda's invitation to go out with her (which I declined) occurred a month prior to the argument, and I hadn't spoken to her since. In addition, she's not from the US, so maybe in her home culture, that's just how friends speak to each other.
Like I said, this was a one-night argument and after more discussion and some time to cool off, we basically realized we were approaching the issue from two different sides which is why we couldn't come to an agreement at first. And, I found out later from a friend that Wanda was gay anyways so it's a moot point.
So, all said, AITA for saying I'd still hang out with her after she said something I perceived to be flirtatious?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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dx4b2jZofHfjZpTqamzbQQr7m9B2oGM1 | a9t8kf | {
"description": "not wanting to hear about my friend getting a $2900 paycheck",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to hear about my friend getting a $2900 paycheck | So this friend that I have has been bragging to me about these BIG purchases that he makes on shoes, video games, and just things he doesn’t need.
Me and my boyfriend have been struggling horribly and right atm we can’t switch jobs or we will be in trouble. My friend is very well aware of this and knows it’s been adding extra stress around the holidays.
So we’re having a normal conversation about Christmas and how things are between us.
All of a sudden he explains how happy he is about his $2600 paycheck, and I said “hey, that’s awesome” and then he precedes on to say “yes I’m just really happy I’m not poor” and it kinda shocks me a little at the choice of words, and I told him that I don’t really feel comfortable hearing about how much money he has around Christmas when I’m struggling at the moment. He tells me that I’m being too sensitive and that I’m a little bit of an asshole for saying that.
Am I the asshole for just not wanting to hear someone boast about money around the holidays?
P.S I’m very sorry if my grammar is awful or this post is hard to read, I have trouble putting my words together because of a learning disability. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
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} | RIGHT |
Of4U1Sd57CVpxSV18ZurPjCs6KLYCmGl | a00rwj | {
"description": "being pissed after I found out my girlfriend stayed over at her ex-boyfriends house the night before Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being pissed after I found out my girlfriend stayed over at her ex-boyfriends house the night before Thanksgiving? | Girlfriend & I have known each other ~10 years, dating off & on throughout.
Been a couple for ~2 years now, and living together for 15 months.
She goes out of town last Wednesday for Thanksgiving and encourages me to hang back and spend time w/my mother that evening, (because we’re doing Thanksgiving with her family this year.) I travel down to meet her on Thanksgiving Day and later find out that she spent the prior evening getting drunk & hanging out with her “best” friend from her home town....
When I call her out on her story not adding up, she tries to flip the script and accuse me of not letting her have friends because we now live together. AITA??
[Screen Cap of Conversation](http://imgur.com/9KyFKnX) | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
OeIo0rzhMTyc06pYEwJNwHUhwTeVPVfq | b8t3tt | {
"description": "not wanting to \"be apart of the wedding\" when I didnt make it into the BRIDAL PARTY",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 63
} | AITA FOR NOT WANTING TO "BE APART OF THE WEDDING" WHEN I DIDNT MAKE IT INTO THE BRIDAL PARTY? | So my best friend is getting married, her sister and my sister are best friends also, so its the 4 of us. We've been bf's for years, we aren't really close with other girls, so its always been just us.
Her now-fiance asked my sister and I to help set up the proposal and of course we were ecstatic to help out, shes the younger sister same as me, so it was such exciting news and the whole day turned out amazing. We were the only friends there, the rest were family, so of course we're like family to each other.
​
Me, my sister and the bride-to-be's sister had all thought of the idea to have a surprise hens and go to Bali. We would split the cost 3 ways and make it our last holiday together, a last harrah before she leaves us for married life. We knew everything would add up in terms of money wise, but it was for our best friend, a once in a lifetime occasion, money isn't an issue. We had our eyes on the lingerie we were going to get her, the kitchen tea presents, engagement and of course the wedding present.
​
The four of us went our for dinner just recently, and the bride-to-be says she has to tell us something really sad. We had no idea what was coming..."I'm not having a bridal party". She said of course she would of had myself and my sister but they cant afford to have a bridal party, her sister is going to be Maid of Honour and thats all. I dont know if its just me, but the bridal party is the funnest part pre-reception right? The sleepovers before the big day, everyone getting their makeup and hair done, the limo ride, the photos, the endless supply of liquor.
​
My sister and I were absolutely shattered and has now got us thinking, why should we be spending so much of our money if she isnt willing to splurge a little for a us? Not even, we said dont worry we'll pay for ourselves! Its your big day, its us, we want to be apart of it!! She said she wouldnt want that, even if we were happy to do it, because her fiance wouldn't ask that of his friends. The part that really got me though, was her saying she "still wants us to be apart of it all" to me this sounds like use and abuse? We can throw a bridal shower, a kitchen tea, the best hens night, but why should we go above and beyond now? Obviously I know I can't compare wedding costs to a few "gifts" but whats a bridesmaid? a dress? hair? makeup? Like I said, I was more than happy to pay for all of that just to be able to share this day with her, rather than sit on the sidelines with everyone else.
​
So am I an asshole? Is it selfish of me to think of it that way considering its her wedding and big day? Or do my sister and I have reason to be hurt and angry and not want to put in our all anymore? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 63,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 63
} | WRONG |
eTfnU1iK02QhyQPHGRV4dAS2K0taIVQN | b3er4p | {
"description": "not wanting to so spend all day with my family during spring break",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to so spend all day with my family during spring break? | Long story short: I (23F) live in South Austin and go to UT, while my mom and step dad (42M) have bought a vacation house in Lakeway. We have a large family, he had 3 children from previous relationships, the youngest two are still living with their mom and going to school. They don’t live with him, so they only see him on vacations. I figured it’s good to let them have some alone time, and they have a pool to keep them happy!
Well, everyone has been telling me that today was the big day, a bunch of extended family are coming over to stay the night at the house for the first time. My mom isn’t in town yet, but I had been going back and forth to their house and mine for the past few days to see the younger kids.
Well, one of his nephews ended up canceling, and his oldest daughter, her boyfriend, and their baby girl got in last night. He calls my mom, tells her I stood him up three times this week. Which isn’t the case, I came every day I was supposed to and stayed a couple hours, and then went back to my place.
My mom calls me and is upset that I “stood him up” and this to them means I didn’t spend every moment there. Sure I could’ve stayed the night and had my roommate watch my dog for a few days, but it felt right to head back to my home to go to sleep since the other rooms were going to be occupied with guest tonight.
AITA for not spending the entire time with my family when they come for vacation?
TL;DR Step dad is at his house with his kids for spring break an hour away from my home, I don’t spend the entire spring break there, and am being told I am standing them up. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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kqkyw5kBXUkQFZoX0rXuerhpvSqd9zdt | aste08 | {
"description": "cancelling a therapy appointment",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cancelling a therapy appointment | I go to psychosexual therapy every week but I cancelled my appointment today because I wasn't feeling to good about it. I called up several hours before to cancel and the place where I go to said that it was OK. However come the time where the appointment was due I get an angry phone call from my therapist who chewed me out for cancelling, she was saying things like 'the NHS are making cuts and cancelling doesn't help' and said that I didn't call despite me having the phone log. I wasn't feeling mentally prepared for the therapy session today and I feel like I've done something wrong for not going. AITA for cancelling? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HQPRBQUkRu7DOLeMBjkacnBMons8RXem | a83rni | {
"description": "not wanting to be a part of my dad's \"new family\"",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be a part of my dad's "new family"? | Buckle up, y'all, there's a lot of shit to unpack here.
​
So this all started when I came home for winter break from college to find that my dad's girlfriend, who I've only known about six months, and her 6 and 9 year old kids had moved in. No one told me this information beforehand, so it was a surprise to find mine and my sister's belongings in bags and her kids living in our rooms. My dad turned the office into a bedroom for me and the guest room a bedroom for my sister, but it was still a huge shock to come home to.
​
I've been having a really hard time with all of this. I don't know his girlfriend very well and her kids make the house feel constantly chaotic. They've been trying to plan a lot of outings for her and her kids and my family (I also have a 10 year old brother and an 18 year old sister), and every single time it ends with someone upset or a fight between two people. Our families haven't been meshing well at all. On top of all of this, my dad has been extremely distant. I've tried to voice my feelings and he just won't listen. We haven't had a real conversation since I got home, even though I've tried time and time again. I even had to come home to find that my pony and my goat had both died and he just didn't think to tell me.
​
Finally today I lost it and went off at him when he told me he was fed up with my attitude since I came home. I started listing things like no one telling me she moved in, him being distant and not actually talking to me, constant chaos and stress in the house. I also mentioned that it felt way too forced when we all went out and I'm not interested in doing things the seven of us until I feel comfortable and ready, which he didn't like at all. I ended the fight by saying "if I had a car I wouldn't be here right now" and to that he just walked away.
​
I kind of feel like an asshole because this is my dad's life and I should have respect for it, but on the other hand, I don't understand how someone I talk on the phone with everyday could make so many big decisions and completely leave me out of them. I've felt awkward in my own home for two weeks now, everyone is stressed all the time and it's starting to affect my (very fragile) mental state. No amount of voicing my feelings has come to any actual meaningful discussion. I'm supposed to be here until January 5th and I don't know if I'm going to make it. I'm genuinely not ready to welcome these three new people into my life. I will be one day, but right now this has all been too quick and it has affected me very badly. Am I a selfish asshole, or am I justified in my feelings? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9urhE88slRqHz6elAuEyU1ARSqgxNC5W | a3wo7a | {
"description": "getting my dad the wrong gift",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting my dad the wrong gift? | This issue came up again this Christmas and I’m really wondering about it. I still feel a bit guilty. Basically I am a young adult. I wasn’t very close with my dad growing up and after he divorced my mom he moved away quite far and we didn’t have much contact. He sort of tried to stay in my life but I saw him at most once a year, for a few hours. Fast forward to now, we have a working relationship and we talk every few weeks. I still see him about once a year. Last year I asked what he wanted for Christmas and he told me he wanted wool socks. I looked at several different outlet stores that were in my area and somehow couldn’t find wool socks. I found a wool blend finally at one store and purchased these.
My dad thanked me at Christmas, but later informed me that they weren’t the right kind. I of course felt terrible but he brushed it off and said not to worry about it. This year he brought up the whole thing again. I promised I’d try my best to get the right thing.
My question is, am I the asshole for asking someone what they wanted, and then not getting that thing? I suppose I could’ve gone online and ordered some specific wool socks, and clearly it upset my dad. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jVk8XiYYkz8nR9ms3GiWwdlv3udKZAOp | b204sg | {
"description": "\"taking things too lightly\"",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for “taking things too lightly”? | For context: A dumbass person in my school decided to create a insta page called “confessions”. Basically, it’s anonymous and anyone can say whatever they want. Then, I don’t know what the fuck happened but someone started to frame my best friend for “something” (I didn’t get anything from the explanation someone else gave me) by using an emoji that’s infamous to her. Earlier on, my other best mate told her (my best girlfriend) that she’s overreacting to this and that she needs to calm down. Then, I find the page, and that’s where trouble begins.
I’m of a joking nature, I like to take on problems by laughing at them, or making other people laugh. I can’t help it, it’s who I am. I also like to shitpost a lot. So as soon as I found the page, I started shitposting and saying stuff along the lines of
“I want to suck (guy) fucking chin it’s so hot”
“Gay whoever reads this”
“Penis”
You know, typical shit.
It’s worth mentioning that I knew my friend was not feeling so good. I know, it’s sorta selfish, but in my defense I DID try to help her, I offered her to talk, to get through it. She responded with #Ok. I thought it was a “whatevs, typical weekend drama”, so I continued to shitpost and troll in the comments.
Then, someone said “i think (my best friend) is a pet to (other girl friend I have)”
(In my country pet is “mascota” and whoever knows spanish knows that it’s a way to say you suck this persons dick for clout)
It is worth noting that in my country there’s this stupidly famous youtuber who’s catchphrase is “claro pes mascota”, which roughly translates to “ofc my subordinate/slave”. He says it as a joke, and I did too. I tagged my best friend with “claro pes mascota”.
I know, I know. Reaaaally stupid, but I didn’t think it twice. Next thing I know, my best friend is talking shit on me on our chat with stuff like
“I hate you how could you say that”
“I hate how you take everything for a joke”
“How did you find that funny you cunt”
“Fuck you this page is tagging me in every single post and you come and say that”
“I would appreciate if you please supported me or just shut the fuck up if you don’t care.”
I apologize, saying thanks for being direct, and I don’t know how to help with what she replies wit
“Then just shut the fuck up.”
I sorta feel like an asshole, but some part of me tells me it wasn’t that bad. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
B3fARYZ6hFB7Y0KoDRfKGNQpzAcncNJ4 | amgpg4 | {
"description": "being pissed after I went to a wedding and was treated as a server and kitchen personel",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being pissed after I went to a wedding and was treated as a server and kitchen personel? | First post here, so I'm sorry in advance if I've broken any rules. I am also sorry if the formatting is bad, since I'm on mobile and if I make any spelling or grammatical errors (English isn't my first language).
Okay as the title might suggest I was recently invited to the wedding of my dads girlfriends niece. I know it's far out, but I've always been seen as a part of their family. The invitation said that I was invited to be a part of the ceremony at the city hall and then to a reception where food and coffee would be served. You know just a small thing for family.
Today was the day of the wedding. I was excited since I've never been to a wedding before and got up bright and early to get ready. The dress code was fancy and I wore my prettiest dress and my favourite shoes (this is an important fact).
The ceremony goes great and it was really beautiful, but the reception would start 3 hours after the ceremony ended. That is absolutely fine and I expected to help with getting the room ready and helping with food when it arrived. What I did not expect was my dads girlfriend asking me to go home to the bride and grooms apartment to clean up after the bride getting ready. I said okay even though I had never been to their place before and don't know where anything is.
After I had cleaned their apartment at my dad picked me up and drove me to the place of the reception, about an hour before the guests arrived. I walked into the rooms and saw tables, chairs and most importantly: cutlery and place cards on the table. That's when I realized it was not just a reception, but an actual wedding party. It's fine, no worries. I'll eat some good food and go home afterwards to do some studying before the semester starts on Monday.
That's when the food arrived. Nothing was ready. Many things still needed to go into an oven and none of the roasts where cut. I go down to the kitchen which is on the floor below the party and help with cutting meats, bread and plating up the starter. The food is meant to be a buffet, so I start carrying all the food upstairs. That's when the other people helping went up the party and took their seats. As I passed my dads girlfriend she asked if I would quickly take a look at the kitchen before going with them.
It was a mess. Nothing had been washed or cleaned while I had been carrying the food upstairs. It took me 40 minutes to get it cleaned and when I went upstairs the others had eaten, so I quickly ate a plate of food before collecting the plates and cutlery and going down to help with cleaning.
That's when the speeches happened. My dad and his girlfriend really wanted to hear them, so they left me with the washing up and repackaging of the leftovers. I started making coffee as well, since I knew there was going to be dessert. The coffee machine decided to malfunction and sprayed coffee and coffee grounds all over the place and me in my fancy dress.
When I was done cleaning that mess as well, I went upstairs to have some dessert with the others. My legs were aching from the many trips up and down the stairs and my back hurt from all the standing.
I said to my dad and his girlfriend that I was going home and she just looked at me like I have three heads. She said: "And why exactly do you think, that that's an okay thing to do?"
I told her I was tired and hadn't expected to help so much, that my dress and shoes were ruined and that I have loads of reading to do before the semester starts.
So Reddit, my question is: am I the asshole for going home early from the wedding after helping out instead of enjoying myself with the other guests?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
WY6PSIBY3I03FDDHdtFHJ1RtjQNcrUr4 | ao51j6 | null | AITA My "freind" who has depression | Okay so freind is f me is me
F comes in crying
Me are you okay
F do I look okay
Me sorry stupid question
F yeah
Me what's wrong
F everything
This is where I caught on she was being dramatic
Me explain
F my dog is ill my mom I stuck in bed and my dad is gone (on a business trip)
Me so you dog has a cold you mum will be out of bed tommorrow
F how dare you not help a depressed freind (this pissed me off)
Me your not depressed
F how do you know you never fought this fight
(I have she knows I have)
Me yes I have
F bull
Me when my cousin Shawn and nana died of cancer
F no you were being over the top
(this infrared me)
Me who tf do you think you are saying that
F fuck off
Me okay (I grab my shit and leave)
In my opinion we were both in the wrong me for shouting about it and her for over stepping what do you think | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
mdLpkyGxJT31LyvOg4rr0jCxtPxarSnk | ar6dt7 | null | AITA An argue about stretch marks | (First of all, if you don't understand something is because i don't speak english, so if I have some grammatical errors... sorry for that :c. )
Well, recently I invited my gf to my appartment because mi family is out of town for the month, so i thought that we could watch some movies, eat, and... you know. She arrived very early, and we spent all the day together. After watching some videos on youtube, she took my shirt off and she tried to kiss me, then, she stop, and stared to my chest, and she asked me about some "white marks", I didn't knew what she meant, I told her that idk, and then she realized it, she said "Hey, you have some stretch marks", at this point, is important to add that I have low self-esteem because my body, since I was a kid I always thought that I was fat, even when my doctor, friend and family said that I wasn't fat then, that I'm even thinner now, and she knew about it. Well, continuing with the story, when she told me that I have stretch marks I was shooked, because I always felt it so distant, I never expected that it could happened to me, this detail broke me, all the insecurities that I was getting over, came back. Wanting to deny it, i went to the bathroom to take a look... it was true, the last summer I gained some weight, but i never felt it like it was a lot, probably that is when i got them, when I went back to the room with her i felt awful, so ugly and I stared to cry, those stretch marks made me feel bad about myself again, I am not saying that is bad to have them, I know it is normal, a lot of friends have them and I even support some of them when they felt nervous about showing them in beaches or swimming poolz, but I never expected that I would have some of my own, at the beginning, she supported me, saying me that it was fine and everything, but i could not stop crying, she even showed me hers, but it wasn't enough to calm me down, it really affected me, after some minutes of me crying on the floor, she got mad with me, saying that I overeacted, that there are just some stupid skin problems that everyone have, and after yelling at me, she left, it only made it worse, I cried more and felt even worse, it really hurted me, the stretch marks, my body, her leaving, i cried for about 1/2 hour, then I called her to fix the situation, but she only said that I was an idiot for giving that much importance to a small detail, I told her "I am sorry, I didn't meant to ruined the day, but you know that I had some problems with my body a while ago, and those marks really shooked me"... it made it worse, she got even angrier, and told my that I was an idiot and she ended the call.
Well, that happened about one month ago, and after that she made me apologize to her because of my attitude, and told me that the marks wasn't such a big deal, not enough to make that scene, but she would try to have more patience the next time, but it never happened again, we broke up.
I really wanna know, did I screw it up? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bPoLUmJs1UB1ZfcMm6dz4u4K4UzjYRqH | atjy2b | {
"description": "giving my number to another guy",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for giving my number to another guy? | I was just at the gym working out and minding my own business. I noticed this guy on a machine next to me but I didn’t think much of it. As I was leaving and walking through the parking lot, a car with tinted windows rolled one down and it was the guy from inside the gym. He asked me my name and if I had a boyfriend, to which I responded yes. He asked if we could be friends and if he could have my number. Mind you, I am completely uninterested. But I’m also a small girl and with today’s weirdos I get paranoid about creepy predators. So these 3 thoughts go through my head:
1. Do I say no right here and make it awkward?
2. Do I give him a fake number and risk running into him at the gym later and him being pissed?
3. Do I give him the correct number, and politely tell him that I’m not interested in being friends.
I felt pressured so I opted with with third choice. He texted me within minutes and called me twice, to which I responded “I’m sorry I do not feel comfortable being your friend. Have a good day”. I really don’t think his intentions were bad, but I just didn’t want to have to deal with the awkwardness face to face or risk him getting pissed and abducting me (I’ve been watching too much Ted Bundy documentaries).
I told my boyfriend immediately and he got extremely angry that I would give my number out to a random guy and thinks what I did was so wrong and hurtful and fails to see my side of it. I need honest feedback because I cannot read between the lines on this one. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 35,
"WRONG": 15
} | RIGHT |
Xp3IlSFWW62ZC8cgtN2VahfGljRi9lPn | auefn5 | {
"description": "telling a Walmart employee to keep the receipt",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for telling a Walmart employee to keep the receipt? | I hate getting receipts when I don’t need them. I’d rather not waste the paper just to have it end up being more trash in my car door. Usually I’ll decline them if the cashier asks me, otherwise I ball them up and throw them away.
I went to Walmart with my girlfriend to get groceries. We only needed a couple of things, so we had one bag and a gallon of milk. We checked out with a cashier, (near the door,) and they hand me the receipt. I take it, tell them to have a good day and go on my way. I instantly ball it up and put it in my pocket so I can throw it away in the trash immediately outside.
I frequently get stopped by the door greeter when I’m leaving at this Walmart and it always annoys me. I don’t think I even look or dress shady. But this time, the greeter saw me come out of the lane with an actual clerk. She watched my girlfriend and I walk towards the door and steps in front of us before we make it to the door. She asks for the receipt and I look at our basic groceries and say “really?” She says they just have to check sometimes. She holds out her hand and smiles and I roll my eyes because I know she wouldn’t randomly stop others, and I drop the balled up receipt in her hand. She’s kind of shocked but starts to open it. I wait until it’s open and start to walk out. I didn’t even give her enough time to read it. She says “wait, do you want your receipt?” and pushes the receipt towards us and I pull away and say “nah, you can keep it.”
She ended up pushing it in my gfs hand only for us to throw it in the trash outside. I know she couldn’t have done anything with it besides throw it away in the trash can beside her set-up, but being stopped irked me. My gf says I should include that the lady was in her 60-70s. But does age really matter? Idk, but AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
uWXFwJkZr0VKJIb1xPf8HGgGIdrKIp9d | 9uvqc3 | {
"description": "not paying my alcoholic ex-girlfriend's bills",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not paying my alcoholic ex-girlfriend's bills? | My (25 M) ex-girlfriend (31 F) and I were living together for about 4 months and were pretty serious. She has always had a drinking problem and I've tried to help her with it but she had been through some pretty traumatic stuff so I never expected her to curb her problem overnight. She seemed like she genuinely wanted to get better.
​
Anyways the trouble started when I picked her up from work one night (she works at a restaurant and doesn't drive) and on the way home she tells me her boss had asked her to come into the men's bathroom, cornered her, and made out with her. Something about the way she told me made me think it was consensual, and I know she had cheated on men in the past. I didn't say anything, and tried to go into another room so I could think. She literally throws a fit, busts open the door to the room I'm in, starts slapping, punching, kicking, screaming at me. We sleep in different rooms that night, and after I seriously considered leaving her the next day, we talked and agreed to try to continue our relationship.
​
A week or so later, her parents invited us over to spend the weekend at their house. She has a wonderful mother and she and I had talked several times about ex's alcoholism, we were both trying to help her. We have dinner and I decided to go to sleep early because we had plans for the morning. Now it's 2 am and my girlfriend hasn't come to bed, so I got up and found her on her mother's back porch, wasted on vodka, cuddled up on the neighbor's lap. I'm obviously upset but hold my temper because I don't want to start a conflict at this hour at her parent's house. I figured we'd talk in the morning. I carry her to bed (she's too drunk to walk) and tuck her in but I push her off when she tries to cuddle with me. She just says "Well then leave. Leave!"... So I left. I drove home in the middle of the night, packed my bags and went to stay with family until I could find a place on my own. I didn't want to put myself in a situation where I was dealing with another violent fit. I felt pretty betrayed but after meeting her in a public place a few days later I decided there was no way I could continue this relationship.
​
Our house we shared was rented, and even though she made decent money she only contributed about a third of the rent. I paid the other two-thirds plus all the utilities, power, internet, etc. After our breakup, I'd agreed to contribute to half of last month's rent even though I wasn't living there anymore. I was respectful but I made it absolutely clear to her that I would no longer be paying the bills for the house. She found roommates and had plenty of time to put the utilities in her own name, I told her what she needed to do. But every time we talked she just tells me she's so sorry, begging for me to come back, etc.
​
Eventually I had enough and called the power company. I paid the final bill and had them close the account. She hasn't contacted me since then, I'm assuming she had to spend at least a night with no power. The nights are still warm where we live but I've felt bad about leaving her without electricity. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0fRPt0ZZRp5gUw7cMBPcophNBBg2yErS | amyvwc | {
"description": "not giving money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Not Giving Money? | So it began snowing today and I had to go to the gas station to fill up my dads truck but the one nearest to my house was closed. I drove to one that was farther down the area. My mom said that I could use her card to fill up but it wouldn't work so I had to use my own credit card to fill up. As I was finishing up a man came up to me and said can I sell you this? He was offering an obd scan tool and said it was valued at $120 but he would give it to me for $10. I said no thank you and he asked a couple more times while telling me about how he needed to take his girlfriend home and that he needed the gas. After saying sorry he left, my sister told me that I should have paid for his gas. I didn't think to do this at the time. So AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fkB3t0dAOkndhxkO1T7Gy0LstASeghoc | b4be7u | {
"description": "kicking my friend from my D&D group",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for kicking my friend from my D&D group? |
Alright so this is a D&D game that myself and five of my friends sit down to play online.
Alright so awhile back my group had kicked another player out for rude behavior. The group decided we still wanted five players so my best friend (Will now be referred to as BF) and I were in another game on another day of the week and we wanted to invite our GM (Will now be referred to as GMF) who we liked. GMF accepted. About a week later when I'm offline BF and GMF are hanging out online in our Discord server with two other players. Now I only have second hand accounts of what happened so I'm doing the best I can with what info I have. This is the rise of the first issue They were hanging out when BF said he was playing a game and GMF said that was gay. One of my other players who is actually LGBT (They will be called P1 for player one.) and called them out for saying using gay in a derogatory way. BF tried to keep the issue from escalating, but GMF pretty much responded with, "Get over it." The issue was taken up with me and I decided to wait and watch to see if he would do it again, he never did.
Cut to about a month later where we're discussing doing a one shot based around a kids show and GMF and BF both made jokes about the source material that literally everyone has made but P1 decides to take it personally and starts a moral crusade against both of them. I get pissed about this and try to point out that this is literally just a joke. He gets mad and tells me about how it shaped P1's childhood in DMs. This is an issue he brought up but used it to say that GMF wasn't fitting in with the group. For the next two months we have no issues except for one where GMF is talking over other players and I message him to see if he could not do so. He agreed and kept to his word for the rest of the campaign of letting others speak before he did. He took it to that extreme, I did not ask him to take it there but he did.
Cut to another month later and I receive a message from P1 that another player is having issues and says that they would not be able to confront GMF if asked to. The other player does. Their reasoning that they feel uncomfortable with GMF playing with them. The second player asks me to talk to a third player, and that third player states that they are neutral but doesn't see GMF as trying to be a member of the group.
So I decide that in order to preserve the group I have to get rid of GMF because as the GM of the group I have to remain impartial and everyone here is a friend. BF is upset by this, I am pissed about this but I felt powerless in this situation since I knew I wouldn't be able to resolve the issues.
TL;DR: My friends got in a fight on the internet and I'm the one that has to deal with the fallout. I had to kick out a friend because of a joke he made 3 months ago. I took my own feelings out of the equation when making the decision but I feel like an asshole so I wanted to confirm if this was the case or not. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
7K5BJxwEFYDYpX6myzYwF3YcALGTrTmu | ba7l14 | {
"description": "not wanting to DD for our friend's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to DD for our friend's birthday? | My husband I planned to take our friend out for his 21st birthday. I was really looking forward to it even though I don't drink I still like to hang out with our friends.
After plans had been made mt husband invited another person that we are pretty good friends with. No problem, itll still be fun and I know him well enough he doesnt make me nervous. Then another person that I've met maybe once got invited. I started to feel uncomfortable becuase I'm pretty shy and nervous around new people and it gets amplified 10x when I'm driving. Driving at night even when I'm by myself makes me really nervous becuase it's super hard to see especially with all the lights in the city. I was still looking forward to tonight even though I was pretty nervous about it.
About half an hour ago my husband was talking to me about plans for tonight and mentioned 2 more people I've never met and didnt know were coming. At this point I told my husband I wasnt okay with that didnt feel comfortable driving that many people especially the ones I didnt know. He got mad and told me that tonight being fun was based around me agreeing to drive everyone back home but said he understood and agreed to be the DD himself.
I thought that resolved it but he kept making comments about how he wont have fun and he'll be bored out of his mind following drunk idiots around all night. At that point I decided I didnt even want to go anymore because I was afraid hed go back on his agreement to DD or ask in front of everyone from me to DD and basically force me to agree.
So, am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XIUHs7HidaDhZyUzN3n3NqwfIkqngaMe | 9tuxa1 | null | AITA if I am upset a date didn't go how I expected it to? | Context
---
Me: 20 M
Her: 18 F
Met a girl in a bar and we hit it off. She had to leave because she had work the next day, nothing happened then apart from getting her number. Text a little bit that night and over the next couple days. The text conversation seemed to be going alright. I do not like talking over text and would much prefer to talk to someone in person or in a call.
I mention I am seeing a movie and ask if she would like to accompany me. She declines saying she is busy but counters with an alternative to see a exhibition at a local planetarium on the weekend. The exhibition is a sciency edutainment short about time and space. Sounded fun and I was able to move some things so I could be free then so I agreed. Exhibition only goes for 40 minutes and I believed the possibility would be there to do something afterwards if it was going alright because it was very early in the night. We continue talking until the day of the exhibition. She refuses my offer of a lift there.
I believe this is a date. I have never been on a date before.
---
The Date
---
I arrive at the time we agreed which was about ~20 minutes before the exhibition started. I am nervous but believe I am handling the nerves well. We kill the 20 minutes having a chat about some of the stuff in the museum part of the planetarium and ourselves. Pay the entrance fee separately. Go into the exhibition where we can no longer talk. Watch the short.
As we are leaving we are chatting still, but she has got Uber up on her phone and seems to be in the process of booking a ride. I ask her what her plans for the rest of the night where. She responds with she has to go home because her brother wants her to. I enquire more about this with something along the lines of "can't you do what you want to do?". She says something like "my parents are away and my older brother is looking after me because my parents asked him to". I offer her a lift home and she refuses. We chat for 5 minutes while I wait with her for her Uber to arrive. Her Uber arrives and she gets in and says this something like "this was great, we should do something again".
I walk to my car very confused about what just happened and feel like she wasn't into me and was just saying platitudes. I console in a close friend who has more experience with dating who agrees it is confusing but she probably isn't into me.
Have a sad drive home. Get home and about half an hour later I get a text from her that reads "Hey! Didn't want to text you while you where driving 😜 tonight was fun!!"
I decide to be honest: "Yeah the show was pretty good. The night didn't go how I expected it to though"
Her: "What do you mean? 😁"
Her: "Haha that's life for ya"
Me: "I didn't think after it finished that you would go home immediately but it's cool"
Her: "Well I am tired af from work 😂"
Her: "Also my family just care about me a lot and want me to be safe"
I didn't respond after that. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
YdjUSZTUTRHJ4G3jXLXbyWLljR4LJFda | axdk1f | {
"description": "shutting down a question about my relationship status",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for shutting down a question about my relationship status? | **Some background information:**
I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now and we enjoy a relationship more on the private side. We attend parties and events together, have met each other's families, and our friends know we're together, but we don't do social media posts--just a preference for us. In no way do we hide our relationship, but we are more private due to certain factors.
​
We're both in a professional program (in different years) where class sizes are small and as you can imagine, gossip runs rampant. Topics like "Kate lost her virginity to Mike" or "Brad slept with Ashley" are unfortunately common and it's easy to become the subject of gossip.
​
Last November, I attended a party with my boyfriend. It was mostly his cohort and the upper years, but one guy in my class--we'll call him Andrew--was there. I asked him how his term was going and all the formalities. He asked me if the guy I was with was my boyfriend and I said yes. I later found out he took a picture of my boyfriend and I without my knowledge and sent to his buddies on Snapchat. Whatever, it's not a secret but it irked me a little Two years ago, a different group of guys in my class took candid photos of me on a night out and spread it around, stating I was trying to get with everyone in the class.
Later on at another social, his friend Jacob comes up to and asks me who my boyfriend is. He says he knows he's in another year, but doesn't know his name or what he looks like. I answered very generally and he eventually stopped asking. Now, I tend to avoid the first guys other than normal interactions because they say awful things about people, especially girls (e.g. "Look at the photo of Jade, she looks like such a s\*\*\*, I bet she sleeps around a lot"). I'd say I've talked to them a total of maybe 4 times this year?
​
**So that brings us to today**. I visit my friend in a study room to ask a question about the upcoming exam. Andrew was there as we discussed a question, and right after asked me: "So are you still dating your boyfriend?" I answered, "Yes" and asked him what he meant by if I was still dating him. He says, "I haven't heard anything recently so I didn't know if you were still together" to which I reply, "some of us don't like to share everything to everyone, but it doesn't mean we're not together." He asked me why I was so defensive, and I told him it isn't really his business to know.
​
I understand that I can be quite private about my relationship, but was I in the wrong to say that? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Q7KYFo1VMKQLZyq0qiJgTPnYOc8BwkZQ | a737y7 | {
"description": "being honest with my sister when she believes I'm kicking her when she's down",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being honest with my sister when she believes I’m kicking her when she’s down | So my sister has gone through a lot of shit. She’s currently living on her own cause she got kicked out of our parents house . My sister has tendencies to ask hundreds and hundreds of favours from people which is understandable however it can be pretty draining at times. Some of these are not easy favours and sometimes you’re off doing quests for her (she’s in some sketchy stuff). Anyhow one of the things she often does is will ask a favour and you have to be on her time, she asked me to come to downtown and do a bunch of things only to forget some paperwork, we agree to meet today and try again. She is on her way to do the same thing however forgets the paperwork again. (Keep in mind my sister does this stuff often. Where she will forget something and you’re forced to try again at a more convenient time for her) .
Now this is the part where I ask if I’m an asshole.
Me: hey just being honest but I think this is something you really need to work on
Her: stop nagging me alright I get it. Stop kicking people when they’re down. You think I was happy when I forgot the paperwork?
Me: hey dude I’m just trying to be honest I’m not fighting you. You interpret this however you want but I’m just being honest cause this is not the first and or second time you’ve pulled this stuff
We get into an altercation and she begins telling me how I’m such a nag and I don’t see her point of view. She uses an example of getting a dog and if the dog ate rat poison she’d be yelling at me but I’m already mentally punishing myself. Basically allow people who feel guilty to just feel guilty
But ... yes I do understand and I wouldn’t deliberately want to just egg it on. I’m just tired of the strings of favours and how I have to plan according to her only to show up and she’s forgot shit then having to try again another time | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5BtgPFt6A1k69kiZqRivqszfTR1v7FMy | ahkch7 | {
"description": "refusing to buy my close friend shells",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For refusing to buy my close friend shells? | I have a buddy at work who I text pretty often. She's one of the three people I talk to outside work, and she's the person I talk to most often.
She smokes a lot of weed, and she mostly smokes shells. For those who don't know, shells are very cheap cigars that you replace the tabaco with weed. You gotta be 19 to buy them and my buddy is 18.
We chit chat a lot but she never wants to do anything outside talking at work or texting. it kinda sucks but I'm 99% sure it's because her BF is jealous. One of the few times we hung out he called her like 12 times in an hour and wanted to talk on the phone like I wasn't there. She was visibly annoyed with him and told him to stop and said she'd be at his house later, and apologized to me about it. This was months ago. She's ducked a lot of my attempts to hang out with her so I've stopped asking unless it's in the parking lot.
The other day, She went on break at the same time I got off work. I texted her "Hey you wanna chill for a bit or are you on the phone?" and she texted back immediately "BUY ME SHELLS."
I felt kinda shitty and used by that because we haven't seen each other outside work (which just sucks for talking so it's not really hanging out unless it's just dead slow, which it never is) so I just told her I was gonna drive home and she left it on read. She ignored my attempt to instigate our normal night time chit chats but she did send me a streak snap.
Part of me feels like I was being a paranoid emotional dick, but I can't shake the feeling that she's luke warm with me unless I'm a benefit to her. | HISTORICAL | {
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WTvuN13wUYt4dfbrYoh4KoDE7KJXt9BA | b1kvwf | {
"description": "telling my friend I didn't like his brother's guitar playing",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend I didn't like his brother's guitar playing? | I'm hanging out with a couple friends at one's house, and we're chatting smoking, and listening to some light jazz. My friend asks me what I think of the guitar in the track he's currently playing. I'm not really feeling it, so I tell him so. I wasn't scathing, just said it wasn't really for me.
He tells me it's his brother on the guitar, and now I'm an asshole.
On the one hand, I feel like you shouldn't ask for an opinion expecting only a positive response. That seems like a shitty thing to do. On the other, I could have been more sensitive, and had a more "open mode" with respect to experiencing new music.
Not necessarily that I should have sugarcoated it, but more along the lines of I could find something *to like*, overreact to the positive, and ignore the negative. That may not only have helped in this situation, but perhaps could help in a lot of other aspects of life... | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
b3BDbnWOVdxVZisQzBm5W3PkWBqamAbn | b55aqs | {
"description": "not wanting to have sex with my gf for 1 month",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Not Wanting to Have Sex With My GF For 1 Month? |
I'm M22 and she's F20, been together for about 1.5 yrs now and she has a very high sex drive. I do as well but oh boy hers is crazy lol. I have finals coming up and I need to focus 100% on studying everyday for the next month in order to graduate. Because of this I told my gf that I wanted a break from sex for 1 month in order to focus all my energy and effort into studying for my hard finance and accounting courses. I said we still can do 1 date night every 2 weeks for this month as opposed to 1-2 times a week how it is normally. She was ok with the date night thing but super pissed about me limiting her on the sex for one month. The thing is sex with her is so tiring for both of us, we usually go 2-3 times a day 4-5 days a week. And I'm so exhausted after a day of that, I'll never be able to study effectively. She said I'm denying her sex which is super shitty and a terrible thing to do and that I'm an ass clown. She has multiple dildo's vibrators etc to keep her satisfied so I just think 1 month for my future is not a big deal.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
Rx2Mdpbq1GR6yrMEtdQIY0cfH1gdyFZi | b0isb6 | {
"description": "refusing to leave my r6 game",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to leave my R6 game? | I have a pretty scrappy of from 2011 that can run games pretty well, but loads like hell. I was in an R6 casual lobby and I was the only one not loading most of the people in the lobby just started screwing around, but soon some people started to try to figure kick me and things got pretty heated. Should I have just left? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Tr0ilhp8yr4SftCXDoXGc1POvVVh404Y | ayuits | {
"description": "having my food spilled all over the floor",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for having my food spilled all over the floor? | Yesterday, there was an incident where I think that I'm 100% blameless. Me and a friend were driving out to this place called Stewart's Drive in. For those who don't know, it's a 1950's style drive-in restaurant where you order from the car and the carhops bring your food to you so that you can eat in the car. I ordered for both of us and when the carhop brought the food, she fastened the tray of food to my window with these clips. But I don't know what happened. Either I knocked the tray loose a little or the carhop didn't do a good job of clipping it on, but the tray completely gave away and our food spilled all over the floor next to my car.
My friend was pissed and yelled "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" I kept telling him that it wasn't my fault, but he wasn't even listening. He kept calling me a fuck-up and he just yelled at me to drive him home. The carhop offered to prepare another order, but I just yelled at her that I wasn't paying and I drove off. On the drive back, my friend tells me to "grow up" and we got into a giant shouting match. I kept trying to tell him that it wasn't my fault, but he was saying that he was starving and I ruined our lunch. I just pulled over and told him to get out of my car if he was going to be a crybaby. He got out and I drove off and we haven't even tried to talk since yesterday. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
SyYfNu3tOuFVNnvMZoZOxyLCpzF8lCB0 | ajgtv9 | {
"description": "not sharing my food with other people in my house",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not sharing my food with other people in my house? | Quick backstory: It's been just me and my mom for the past 4 years. About a year ago she let my dumbass brother (24) and 4 other people (F: 35, 16, 13) move in with us. Out of all of us, I (F16) am the only vegetarian. For this reason I prepare my own food for myself and my mom (48, works 2 jobs as a nurse.) No one else in the house makes food for me, the only members of my family that do are my grandma and my aunt that I rarely see.
Now, ever since my brother came down here, he's pretty much eaten everything that he sees. A few months ago my grandma made me some spinach and beet juice so I'd have something to eat, I made some veggie rice with beans to go with this. Keeping in mind that the fridge is full of cooked ribs and chicken, I ate half and put the other half in the fridge for later, thinking it'd be safe, but as you can guess, I was wrong. I came back later only to find it missing, I asked my brother about it and he told me, "That's gone." And that not only did he eat it, but he shared it out to the rest of his posse. I was absolutely livid. For one, this was supposed to be my dinner for tonight since my mom has rule against cooking after 8, and two, the food was a gift from my grandmother trying to make sure I didn't become anemic (beets and spinach are high in iron.)
This of course turned into an argument where I told him not to touch my food, and he called me selfish and self centered. Afterwards I went against my mom's rule and began attempting to remake the meal, only there's no more spinach or rice, so it was really just seasoned beans. After he saw me take out the can, the convo essentially went like this
Him: "Aren't you gonna ask if anyone else wants some?!?'
Me: "No, you-"
Him: "Oh why, cause you're selfish??!! If it's in the fridge it's for everybody!"
Me: "You all literally just ate. All the precooked food in the fridge in made up of meat, that I don't eat. All that's left is a can of beans, get over yourself."
At this point his girlfriend (f35) comes out and tries to defend herself.
GF: Hey, we pretty much eat the same thing you eat. We saw it in the fridge and thought it looked good. And you're making something else anyway, so it's no big deal!
Me: Except you guys eat meat, both of your daughters refuse to eat most vegetables! You're the ones who made all the chicken in the fridge last night.
Gonna add on to this a bit a say that this wasn't the last time my brother did this. 2 months ago my mom's childhood friend from Jamaica visited us a gave her some authentic cheese as a gift, my brother ate it all before my mom could even try it. My mom once brought crab home so she could take it for her lunch the next day, her ate all her crab at 1 in the morning for no reason. My mom once made cake for my grandma, he ate that. My aunt made curry chickpeas for me, he ate that before I could try it. And throughout this entire ordeal, I never once touched any food that they've made for themselves, even the ones without meat. I don't even eat their snacks.
Anyways, this happened a while back, but I'm still upset. So, AITA here? I'm actually posting this here now because I'm tired of him calling me selfish for not feed his lazy ass, even though he has a much larger variety of meal choices.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
49qrEBbVqBXtlsmaNan4liR590upb5nD | as9wel | {
"description": "fostering a child against my daughter's and ex wife's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 49
} | AITA for fostering a child against my daughter's and ex wife's wishes? | I'm a 52 year old male with a 23 year old daughter. Our relationship has always had its ups and downs. Mainly because I did not get to see her and speak to her for a big part of her childhood. I left to go back to my home country when she was 3 due to DV issues with her mom at the time. This is completely my fault. I was an asshole. I have since gotten therapy and am happily married.
We reconnected when she was 16 and we were pretty much two peas in a pot. We are very alike and she moved in with me and my wife. All was well, except that we'd have pretty heated fights once in a while. I never got violent with her but I'd scream and she'd scream and my wife (who is very calm) would be stuck in the middle.
My wife cannot have children, but our dream was always to adopt or foster. Finally we were at a point in our lives where we could afford to foster a teenager. But when I told my daughter, she got mad. She said that it was unfair that I would foster someone rather than pay her mom the 'child support' that I 'owed', which was never ordered by a judge as we never went to court.
It is true that I didn't pay any child support but she lived with us for two years and we got her a car, clothes, food etc and spoiled her to make up for it. She says that it's still unfair and that she is hurt that I will raise a child when I was never there for her.
My daughter moved out and went to live near her mom again. I called my ex-wife hoping for support. She called me an asshole and hung up on me? Again **she never asked me for a penny before**.
Am I really the asshole here?
TL;DR; I want to foster a child. My daughter and ex-wife are upset because they think that i 'owe' them.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 45,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 49
} | WRONG |
YewpQPe5JPnfF55FUtnmUsNS5gs8IrFq | abe96g | {
"description": "disliking my mil",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for disliking my MIL? | I appreciate that my husband has a good relationship with his mom. And she has always been kind to me... but...
MIL is a bit touchy feely. Caresses her son/my husband’s hair, rubs his face, holds his forearm. It’s a total turn off for me and I’m building a lot of frustration and resentment about it. Told my husband that it makes me uncomfortable and I prefer to not be in room to watch it.
He’s 37, only child. She’s divorced (30ish years?) and lives alone. We live 4hr flight away, he visits her every 2 months or so. She loves her son, she’s lonely, she’s touchy-feely... am I a total jerk for being annoyed about this? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
czQIhr3uQqrFDZAXxttrwWV0ByXXtRp4 | 9vngns | {
"description": "leaving my girlfriend in her time of need",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I leave my girlfriend in her time of need? | Strap in for a wild ride and a whole lot of text. For context, we are both currently 22, and have been together for almost 3 months.
I met my girlfriend summer of 2014, when we were in our second year of uni. We've been good friends since, and really close in 2018. Eventually, that closeness gave way to feelings and we became official in August. Now in my eyes, the honeymoon phase lasted all of about 18 hours, when we had our first 'dealbreaker' argument. From then on, it's been periods of really high highs, and extremely low lows. We fought on average once every other day, and fights always went like this: she berates me relentlessly for 2 hours (insults, swears, the whole shebang), and after that point, she'll either calm down enough that I can finally talk her through it, or she'll decide she doesn't care enough anymore and just leave me feeling attacked and unresolved. Either way, not a great feeling. Anyways, I stuck it out because I was trying to see the big picture and I thought that we could have a really strong future together.
A month in, I went off for vacation with my buddies (without her, cause we planned it way in advance) and that was our first real time apart. I, in another country in the Caribbeans, still did my dutiful role of keeping in touch, reporting what I was doing, etc., so she wouldn't worry. I know this behavior isn't normal of a trusting relationship but she has intense trust issues from past periods, and I told myself it'd be worth it. When I got back, we got a little reckless because of how much we missed each other and decided that it would be okay to go unprotected. It obviously wasn't, and she ended up getting pregnant. Except I didn't know that. I know I'm an asshole for this stuff so far, not practicing safe sex, being neglectful of her condition, emotions, etc., but we fought relentlessly for the next few weeks. I thought she was just stressed because she had certification exams and that she was just lashing out at me, but it was the conception and the emotional swings that follow. Since I didn't know, I took it out as her unreasonably lashing out at me, and I just dealt with her mood swings while slowly losing feelings. I had my own exam and full-time job to worry about and honestly I just didn't know what to do.
So after 3 weeks, I broke it off on a Friday. No contact on the weekend. I gotta admit. I missed her like crazy and that slight time apart made me realize how much of a mistake I made and that I wanted to try again, if she'll have me. On Monday, she tells me she's pregnant and sends me pictures of the pregnancy tests. And I can tell she's panicking. So I do everything I can to let her know whatever she needs, I'll be there for. and I didn't mean just clinic visits, appointments, consultations, whatever. I meant everything. Emotional needs, etc.
We ended up getting back together a week later and the abortion happened the following week. After having broken up, obviously our relationship was on shakey ground but I was determined to try and get back to what we had before, or something better/stronger. She continued to lash out at me nightly, because of her pregnancy mood swings, or following the procedure. And I took all of it like a sponge and always bounced back and continued being that stoic, steadfast guy she can rely on. It wasn't enough though; it didn't meet what she was expecting out of me, saying I was acting too much like it wasn't even happening but honestly, I didn't want to ask her "How are you feeling emotionally?" about the pregnancy or the abortion because I didn't want to bring her mind back to it, or I thought I could lift her up by just talking about things like normal.
Regardless, here's my life outside of her:
* I work a full-time job, 9-5, that is quite stressful due to understaffed, underpaid, and just poor leadership.
* I commute 3 hours in a day. 1.5 each way.
* I have a major certification exam December 1st, which I am really behind on
* My parents are going through medical issues, and I am almost never there for them cause when I'm not studying, I have to be with my girlfriend.
I say when I'm not studying, I have to be with her, but lately, I haven't even been able to study because the time I allot to studying (9pm - 12:30am at night before I sleep and get ready to wake up at 6:30am for work) is always filled with trying to talk her out of whatever twisted plot she thought up in her emotional state. I've been dealing with this since before she got pregnant. PMSing, just general fights over the smallest things, they always happened at night and she'd EXPECT me to stay up until we resolve it (if you recall, us resolving it relies on how long it takes for her to become rational again). and honestly, she says she feels guilty cause she knows I have to study. but what can I do? I tell her not to feel guilty, cause I do care, I do have feelings, I don't want her to be alone, the situation is 100% my responsibility, and I'm the one asking her how she's doing, etc, offering to drive to her on the weekend when I should be non-stop cramming. I don't know how much longer I can do that for. I have 21 days left until my exam. I lost 4 nights of studying this week because she always starts going off at me at 10 PM, when I just settle down and start trying to study. My mom went in for a cancer screening appointment (I think), and I have no idea how that's going cause I'm so occupied with other things that I feel like I'm losing sight of things I shouldn't.
I have no idea what to do. I started smoking again, I'm not studying enough, I'm losing my sense of self and am just generally depressed all the time unless I'm with friends or at the gym. I lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks despite not changing how much I eat or lift.
This morning, she fell and twisted her ankle and had to go to the hospital instead of work. I just don't feel like I can do anything to hurt her emotionally right now, but I'm really suffering too. I'm not equating my problems and emotions to hers. But I don't like feeling like I have to pretend my problems or emotions don't exist.
I don't complain about a single thing she asks of me. I don't complain when she gets emotional with me. I don't complain about any of my unhealthy coping mechanisms. But she lashes out saying I created a space where she feels like she can't share how she feels with me. That I act uninvolved.
To everybody that read all that, thank you so much. I know there may be controversy because of abortion, but for context again, we are 22 years old, freshly graduated young professionals with conservative parents. We made a mistake. Extremely preventable if I had been more responsible, but the responsibility isn't all mine.
Would I be the asshole if I just left her in the middle of everything she's going through? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
LpbDAOjpJHRkxWaTbnPHDe9Cw6N8AjnJ | a46wqz | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend to lose weight if she wants to keep dating me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend to lose weight if she wants to keep dating me? | I'll keep this as short as I can. My friend that I've known for 5+ years tells me that she has fallen in love with me. I tell upfront that her being 400+ pounds is a huge turn-off.
She started working out and I mean REALLY working out. A few years later she has dropped from 400+ to around 280 - 290, and she said she is working to hit 250 by March/April. We are both working together towards things and have started dating but I feel like a total asshole for pushing it on her.
The other side was whenever we talked she would tell me how her weight was holding her back, how she couldn't run, walk, or go hunting as much. How she wanted to ride horses, and people would tease her or judge her appearance based on her weight. I know it sounds shallow of me to say it was a huge turn off for me (and it was) but I am glad to see her more happy about how she is starting to feel about herself now.
tl;dr Am I an asshole for telling someone that loves me to lose weight if she wants to date? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
mL40S2z4uENTe5QiEynb5xJgfgXpsmJG | agoyp9 | {
"description": "not wanting to give my brother birthday or Christmas presents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to give my brother birthday or Christmas presents? | For a lot of people, gift-giving can be stressful and an unfortunate factor of the holidays that they simply have to put up with. For other people, Christmas becomes the Gift Olympics and they spend more than half the year prepping for it. I am definitely part of the latter group. I revel in the hunt for the perfect gift. I spend most of November hunched over a laptop, cackling into the screen like a Christmas goblin as I search for presents.
That being said, I never expect my friends and loved ones to escalate to the mania-like state I achieve around their birthdays and holidays. My family has known about my tendencies since I was a toddler and encouraged me to express my love for them in that way, because it made me happy. I try not to drown my friends in gifts, as they may feel pushed to reciprocate equally. But when it comes to my family, there are no holds barred.
My brother is my only sibling. He’s 22, finishing college with a vague plan of what he wants to do with his life, and works almost every weekend at the same job he’s had since he was 16. Most of his money goes towards paying for school, and aside from the occasional outing with his friends, he doesn’t splurge on anything. I enjoy spoiling him because of this as well. In the past, I would usually buy presents for our parents and he would add his name to the card, sometimes giving me money to contribute. He has been known to go get presents for people on his own, but usually requires prodding to do so.
Last year I moved out of the house, but within a distance that can easily be commuted for a day trip. While this is not necessarily relevant to the story, his brief visit to my house started to indicate to me that any efforts I make for him would be met with indifference. I offered to host him and several of his friends for a night. In summary, I took them out, wined and dined all of them on my dime, smoked them up at my house, only to have all of them completely ignore me and cut me out of the evening entirely. They didn’t even notice when I finally left and just went to bed. After that, not a peep of thanks from him for doing any of it.
And then radio silence on my birthday. I can understand not being able to afford a gift, but Facebook literally reminds you when people have birthdays. I brought this up to my mom when she called later that week, and she expressed dismay because she had texted him the night before reminding him about my birthday and to give me a call.
And finally, Christmas. I was hosting on my family at my own place for the very first time. Very stressed and overworked at the time, but I pulled it together. He came with my parents, did not get gifts for anyone that year or even cards, and did not thank anyone for the things they gave him. Not even a follow-up, “hey, I really appreciate the thing you got me,” text. I was just hoping for the bare minimum, at this point.
So am I the asshole for just wanting to cut him off of the gift list and spare myself the disappointment? It feels petty, like maybe my raging enthusiasm birthdays and holidays is clouding my judgement. I am the older sibling and want to be the example of how to act, but it’s hurtful to have him continually ignore something that’s always been important to me.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
4MUBXh6hNRgq1qlSCWrhH3hwRaLkrxp0 | b5w5mn | {
"description": "wanting to include my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to include my friend? | So I'm (F) and in high school. My friend (let's call her Jess) reached out to me and confessed she doesn't feel like she has any close friends, despite starting to hang out with my very tight-knit friend group. We have a meme group-chat on instagram and I thought it might be a good idea to add her to it, since the banter usually isn't that deep and it might be a good way for her to interact and still feel comfortable. Before telling her anything I checked in with the group-chat to see if it was ok with everybody, and I was not expecting a negative answer.
This girl in the group chat (let's call her Anna) transferred schools last year and though she knows Jess, never really interacted with her. She wanted to keep the group chat tight-knit and only with people she really knew. That's completely fine, if it weren't for the fact that a few months ago she added this random guy she was friends with who none of us knew irl, and we just had to accept him into our friend group. It made literally everyone uncomfortable.
Everyone in that group-chat knows Jess personally and has hung out with them. She sits with us at lunch every day. I feel terrible for excluding her, especially on such weird circumstances.
But, Anna's friendship with the random boy ended terribly, and that may be the reason they don't want to add another person to the group chat. I feel like bringing anything up would make me the asshole.
I didn't tell Jess about my plan, and I didn't add her so no harm done, but I still feel as if I should take some sort of action.
AITA for feeling like this? Am I trippin or is Anna a bit of an asshole? Should I speak up? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
hTSACLghJP2ypv3dmN3ObDACRSmQQXZn | axg9p8 | {
"description": "giving up on church",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving up on church? | A little backstory: I live in a VERY tight knit town, heavily Christian.
So in about 7th grade I was asked over and over to go to church by some church-y friends and i eventually did and I became all into the church thing. I was a full blown Christian, except there was one thing: I wasn't. I couldn't believe in god or any of the Old Testament. I didn't say this, obviously but I just couldn't do it, I was basically only going because of my friends.
Well, once we got to 8th grade, we moved on from the youth ministry to the full blown Wednesday service thing, and I went once and have not gone since. Any time they ask me to come to church I get scared and just answer with a half-assed "uh huh" kind of response. I know I can't talk to them about it because of my town, so I just try to get by.
So, AITA and any advice?
TLDR; I stopped going to church because I didn't believe and now I don't know what to say
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jIILiuqHvnAJmlUox7InT1qvfKLqAr4U | aqew12 | {
"description": "getting upset for my roommate's lack of cleanliness when I haven't in the past",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset for my roommate's lack of cleanliness when I haven't in the past? | So, in the past, I used to be someone who would just accept things for how they were. If someone wanted something, I would be happy to provide. If someone was upset about something, I would take the fault. If something weren't how I wanted it, I would deal with it.
But my new years resolution was essentially to stop having this attitude: If something bothers me, I'll speak up. If I feel that someone is asking too much, I would say no. If I have too much on my plate, instead of stressing and pulling all-nighters, I would ask for an extension, or for someone to help me out. I feel that this, despite being more selfish in nature, is healthy for me, and in the long run, is healthier for others, as it helps me to serve my own needs and happiness first, which would then allow me to better serve others, but only when once I've helped myself.
It's been going really well! I'm happier overall, less stressed, my friendships are stronger, and, strangely enough, I seem to have a lot more respect from my boss, coworkers, and teachers. But there's been one area that I've kinda been forgetting about, and that's in my own home.
And, so, this is where I could use some perspective:
When my roommate (male, 21) first moved in, I had just finished putting in a TON of effort cleaning up from my last slob of a roommate. All of the dishes were scrubbed. My couch had to be demolded from spilled food. Furniture had to be repaired. The bathtub and floors scrubbed. And as a bonus, I had the bedroom reorganized to make it feel homier and less "this is my side, and this is your side."
Sidenote: The dorm has a kitchen and living room merged into one room, a bathroom, and a bedroom.
Things were good at first, and the place seemed to stay clean, but with time, he started to become messier. Since this was before the new years resolution, I kinda just went with it and adapted. I tried to keep things clean, but he just made messes too fast and I couldn't keep up with my busy schedule. Beard trimmings were left on the bathroom floor and sink. Dried chunks of poop were in the toilet. Dirty dishes were left in the sink (I literally switched to paper plates because he used all my dishes). Trash-cans weren't emptied when they filled up, and he literally let them overflow. Amazon boxes would be left in the middle of the living room for literally months.
Now, I'm not entirely innocent. On occasion, I would accidentally leave some of my long hair in the bathtub after showering. I would sometimes run out of time and leave a few dirty dishes laying around. My own, personal desk is kinda messy. Sometimes, if I got an Amazon package, I would leave it sitting around for a day or two until I got enough time to take care of it.
But... That said, it seems that for whatever mess I left, promising myself I would clean, he would leave double that mess, making it so that I would have to clean up three times as much.
When the new years resolution came around, I started to find myself with more time to clean up after myself. And so I did. But his attitude hasn't changed at all, and I'm kinda getting annoyed. I've always been annoyed, but dealt with it because I figured: "I'm making a few messes too. It's hypocritical for me to judge." I really want the living room to be a nice, comfortable place to be in, and he doesn't seem to be respecting that. I own almost everything in this dorm, since I make the most money, and he doesn't seem to respect the stuff as though it's not his. The dirty dishes in the sink he used, but I own them. I even buy the toiletries, and he doesn't think to go and he leaves the empty tubes of toilet paper on the dispenser without going to the closet to get more.
I've even gone so far as to try to make it easier for both of us. I bought a scrub brush to use instead of a sponge for the dishes. I bought a toilet paper holder for the bathroom so that we wouldn't have to run to the closet to grab more as frequently. I even have a donation box for us to throw stuff we don't want anymore.
All of this is also combines with various stuff like locking me in the bedroom when he has a girl over (instead of asking me to leave), but that's another story.
So, Reddit, give me some perspective. Am I the ass for expecting him to clean when I haven't previously enforced that? Or is it within my right to be upset for him not treating our place and my stuff with respect?
Tl;Dr Despite providing tools and trying to help him out, my roommate doesn't want to treat the place with respect. | HISTORICAL | {
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T1AQAj5j7x9LaltWtVhgtoJJ8Mqxgi3P | agkfgp | {
"description": "not wanting to get my drivers license",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA if I don't want to get my drivers license? | My parents have been continuously calling me out daily because I don't have a drivers license, and therefore apparently have a lack of independence.
I don't see a reason to get a drivers license considering the shops are within walking distance and I hardly ever go any where to begin with. I am also terrified of driving and haven't drove since my first hour of practice. They tell me "practice makes perfect" and it's "just beginner nerves", but I honestly am terrified. I overthink details and get easily distracted. I don't want a death on my conscious just because my parents wanted me to get a license.
I am currently focusing on school so I do not have a job, which they also argue with me about. They always say that I'm going to get nowhere in life without a drivers license and nobody will hire me. I'm tired of the negative opinions they place upon me, especially considering they never acted so hard on me a few years ago. As soon as I am classified an adult they immediately throw adult responsibilities into my face, but would baby me for 18 years.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to get my drivers license, despite me understanding the consequences of my actions? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
O9aPPON3MYSaInN3Z3MlKNvrgTzHnRq8 | an703t | {
"description": "wanting my mom to respect my house rules while she is visiting",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my mom to respect my house rules while she is visiting? | We moved to another country 7 months ago (husband & daughter) while in my home town, my daughter was in my mom’s care while I was at work all day and she was spoiled and she would do whatever she wanted. I managed to have her behave and follow our rules and basically educated manners wise even to socialise (i didn’t realise how spoiled she was this while at home) my mom came to visit and I told her to basically not treat her like she was a baby or explain things as if she doesn’t understand. I told her to not change her habits while being here visiting cause i don’t want my daughter to give a step back. So now day 4th out of 18 she is to be here and is already in her room, not speaking to anybody and crying. Am I wrong for wanting my daughter to not step back from the progress she made? I even told her nicely since im trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation when my husband comes back from his business trip, cause he will tell it like it is. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0A75G17t0tfX0xlcGRZlkz9DT11kt0e2 | b05b90 | {
"description": "hating and actively avoiding a mentally challenged guy at my college",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for hating and actively avoiding a mentally challenged guy at my college? | I live on a small college campus. This guy lives two doors down from me. When you talk to him, he's a pretty smart dude but his social skills are garbage (coming from someone who doesn't have the best social skills), and it's obvious that he's somewhat autistic, the severity can be debated. I've tried (albeit, not very hard) to be friends with him but he's just intolerable. I feel bad because I don't think he has any friends and most people on campus, myself included, try to avoid him, which isn't going to help the guy, it's only going to make his lack of social skills worse. Anyway, the reasons why I dislike him are:
He always smells terrible.
He rarely flushes the toilet.
He brushes his teeth in the water fountain.
He's always late to class.
He's almost always disruptive in class, asking the same question multiple times, only to get frustrated when the professor brushes his question off instead of answering it for the 4th time.
He's constantly sick and I've woken up to hearing him gagging and/or vomiting early in the morning multiple times.
He does gross things such as picking his nose, or picking wedgies out of his ass in public.
I feel bad for the guy but can't stand to be around him. I get the feeling that he doesn't understand why people don't like him. I've not really witnessed people be overtly mean to him but anytime he starts a conversation with another student, it's obvious they're looking for a way out of the conversation. I feel he could definitely benefit from somebody teaching him how to have better hygiene but I don't want to upset him by calling him out for his disgusting habits.
I feel like I'm in the wrong for actively trying to avoid him but I don't know what else to do. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
C4BRjAaqT2zyo5yRHj5KZQNq4o1cEeYt | aau89l | {
"description": "shouting at my mom",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for shouting at my mom? | This happened a while ago. My mom has the habit of ordering me to do tasks for her a lot. They're simple tasks, like charging her phone for her, getting her a snack, getting her a drink, etc. Sometimes, if she's sitting in the room where her phone charger is, and I'm outside, she'll call me into the room just to charge it for her. Most of the time, I don't mind it. I'm generally stressed out all the time, so getting up and doing tasks helps me to get myself back together. However, other times, it gets annoying when it's task after task, and when I get tired. Today just so happened to be one of those times.
​
She made me perform tasks for her today (getting her stuff) and I've been moody, so I was a little annoyed. She told me to get her something from a drawer that wasn't too far from her. I do so, and give the item to her and return back to my desk. She has to leave the house for something, and does so promptly. However, a few minutes later, she shouts my name and shows me some clothes that have been soaked in dirty water from when our neighbours washed their corridors and dumped the water on the floor. Some of our clothes were hanging outside and fell in the water. I was extremely annoyed at this point. She started complaining about our neighbours and shouted at me to put the clothes in the washing machine. At the same time, my dad told me to retrieve something for him. When I was retrieving the item, she shouted again at me to put the clothes in the washing machine. At that point, I yelled at her, saying 'Please wait, I have multiple things to do at once.' I sounded angry, and it slipped out. She ignored it and continued complaining about the neighbours. I gave my dad the item and walked to dump the clothes in the washing machine. She left the house.
I felt pretty awful after that. I texted her saying that I was sorry, but she hasn't replied yet. Everyone else that was there ignored it. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
pZguvy8yCP5zrDZSjpRbpsPVxpl4oq83 | ayzcoa | {
"description": "telling my brother to not do anything with his girlfriend in my bed",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my brother to not do anything with his girlfriend in my bed? | Some context. I'm 23 years old and a college student. Most of the time, I live on campus but as next week is Spring Break, I came home to my parents' tonight. My brother (21) is home and his girlfriend is staying the night, as tomorrow they plan to leave early and go to Boston. I assumed that the girlfriend would get my room, my brother would sleep in his and that I would sleep on the couch.
Turns out, I was wrong. My brother somehow convinced my mom that they should share a room. (My parents are very conservative Christians so I didn't think they'd go for it). Now, my brother's bed isn't big enough for them to sleep in together but my bed is. So, my mom told them it'd be okay to sleep in my bed. Without asking me first. I only found out when my dad came to collect me from school, as he thought I knew. He understood why I wasn't comfortable with it. I talked to my mom and was told that she would wash the sheets in the morning. Fine. Whatever. I accept I'm not going to have a say in this and don't want to fight.
My brother and his girlfriend come home. I pull my brother aside and tell him that I don't want them doing anything in my bed tonight. My brother got really mad and ignored me for the rest of the night. He made a snarky comment when he went upstairs and my mom asked me what was wrong with us. I told her and she got mad that I said that. I told her I'm not going to apologize for saying it. I also said it was messed up for her okaying this when it was my bed, without asking me first. She said there was no other option and I said that's not true, there definitely was and brought up me sleeping on the couch.
After they went to bed, my brother came back down to grab his charger and was still in a mood, mumbling about how everything is a problem. My mom said it wasn't and that I shouldn't have said it. I said I don't regret saying it. Brother said I was mad at him, I said that wasn't true, I simply asked him to not do something. He said "Whatever, she'll never stay the night again." Which isn't at all what I said or even wanted. I love his girlfriend, she's really sweet and I would have no issue with \*her\* being in my bed. I just don't want them doing anything in it.
Now my mom is upset with me because he's upset and I don't feel bad. I didn't say I was mad about her being in the room, I know she's slept in there before when I'm not home and my brother has been in his. (Though I'm not naive and think he probably snuck up there, which is why I said something.)
It's not their bed. It's mine and I didn't say it loud enough for his girlfriend to hear or do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. I said it to him and him alone, because I know him. He's the type that totally would and I think that's why he got mad.
Am I the asshole here? Should I just be okay with them doing whatever they want in my bed? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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} | RIGHT |
gVwXTb0cwgcDbUDQdvFR3ZfFNZ2iFROl | 9y77cd | {
"description": "being 'controlling'",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being ‘controlling’? | Me and my girlfriend have been together for well over two years now yet she seems to often develop new friendships with guys who always end up liking her.
The latest guy she has been hanging out with likes her, of course, but is also emotionally abusive to her.
We are in a long distance relationship and she said she hangs out with guys to replace the feeling of me being there.
To expand on him, he has said things to her such as ‘I want you out of my life’, ‘you should kill yourself I don’t want to see you again’ and just generally abusive things. He shouts at her when he’s angry and there has been more than one occasion where she has either cut herself or taken far to many pills after conflict with him, luckily nothing too serious.
Am I the asshole for asking her not to hang out with him all the time? She hangs out with him for 11/12 hours at a time, a few times a week. When I ask her to not she just tells me that I’m overreacting and I shouldn’t get angry/upset over nothing.
I know she isn’t sleeping with the guy so please don’t jump to that conclusion. I just would like to know if it’s right or wrong for me to ask her to stay away from a person like this.
I’ve also asked her to stop snapchatting him, texting him and generally choosing him over me when we’re talking on FaceTime yet she fails to listen or even acknowledge any reasoning for my pleads. We could FaceTime for an hour and she’d be on pause talking to him for 70-75% of that time.
Am I being too controlling of her? Am I the asshole?
TLDR: My girlfriend hangs out with emotionally abusive boy ‘best friend’ and often chooses him over me. Gets angry when I tell her to stop doing these things. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ufuseN3uWJunzvgTV9DvjsjTDisccqFv | ay19ml | {
"description": "refusing to take my Son to a memorial service for his friend",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA For refusing to take my Son to a memorial service for his friend? | First let me say my Son is not involved in this argument and has no clue about the conflict between my wife and I. I want to provide as much background as I can so sorry if it’s long.
My Son is in 6th grade and recently a friend from his class very unexpectedly passed away. My Son was friends with the child but from my understanding mostly through school and classes, I personally never met him. This was my Son’s first experience in dealing with death and coping with feelings he has never really experienced. I had lots of talks with him about death and feelings. I encouraged him to talk openly about it and talk with his friends and my wife and I if he needed too. I have unfortunately dealt a lot with death and loosing friends, an unfortunate consequence of 15 years in the Military and deployments.
This week the child’s parents decided to hold a memorial hike at a local trail for all of their sons friends. Their will be some type of small service at the top. My wife found out about the service and asked my son if he would like to attend. She later told me about it and told me I would need to take him since she had plans with a friend. I told my Wife I would rather not since these type of situations bring up a lot of emotions and memories I’ve dealt with and put away and prefer to avoid emotional situations that bring these memories back. My wife is well aware of this as well. She immediately got angry and told me since I had nothing going on and she had plans I needed to “be there” for my son. I again told her I will gladly be there for him but being apart of an event with an obvious high emotional state was not something I was comfortable being apart of. She got pretty pissed because I outright refused and stopped engaging in the conversation. Her plans are nothing more than attending her weekly CrossFit classes, just for reference.
So, AITA for refusing to take my Son to a memorial service and not wanting to be apart of a situation I know will bring up a lot of closed out memories and emotions. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
mxxgioD8xsoguZXxyYlqzsHlOsk5WUtx | aoqjrk | {
"description": "ending a friendship with a female friend because she was worried her fiancé wouldn't like her going on an overnight trip with a (gay) man",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for ending a friendship with a female friend because she was worried her fiancé wouldn’t like her going on an overnight trip with a (gay) man? | So this has been gnawing at me for years, so I thought I’d seek the catharsis of the ever-wise redditors of r/AmItheAsshole.
I had a female friend who I was very close to. We met in college and both ended up moving to Japan afterwards(we’re both American). She’s very neurotic and always thinking about how others will see her, but I always stood up for her because I knew she was fun to be around when that protective veil dropped. I admit, oftentimes it was very difficult defending her from my other friends’ criticism because she could be pretty nuts, but I did because she was a friend.
The last straw with her neurotic B came, though, when I asked if she wanted to do an overnight trip to a hot spring. I had done it with two other girlfriends and we had a great time and it was really cheap. We both worked at the same company (I actually helped her get her job) so I knew we’d have off at the same time which is why I suggested it to her.
Her response to this suggestion is what pissed me off. I wouldn’t have cared if she said “No, I’m too busy” or “No, I don’t have enough money”. But she said no because she was worried what her fiancé (now husband) would think about her going on an overnight trip with another man. He already knew I was gay. We’ve met a couple times before. I’ve known her longer than they’ve known each other. And Japanese people on the whole don’t really give two shits about gay people. This made zero sense to me.
I pressed her on it and she basically admitted she hadn’t actually asked him but was just assuming what his response would be. She had already been building up to this kind of thinking when we’d hang out before this. She told me not to post pictures of us together online because she was worried about what her fiancé would say. She said she didn’t want to broach the subject with him at all for fear of upsetting him (which is odd because he’s a very even-mannered guy). I brought her past weird behavior and the fact that her fiancé probably wouldn’t have a problem with it and said that if she couldn’t stick up for our friendship for fear of her fiancé hypothetically being upset, then we just shouldn’t be friends anymore.
I thought I was perfectly justified for dumping a friend who treated me like crap. But a Japanese girlfriend (who knew her slightly but only because she was friends with me) took her side, saying “sometimes you have to sacrifice things so your partner is happy”. This really irked me, but planted the seed of doubt that I could be the asshole in the situation. Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
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} | WRONG |
3uTR1qPqlPHKhwlrjFzwf6eArEgIzidH | b6f657 | {
"description": "accidentally shouting at my mother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I accidentally shouted at my mother? | My relationship with my mom has been going downhill.
Im suffering from dysphoria and i told my mother about this and shes like "no i want a daughter" and i guess thats where it started.
Everytime i accidentally shout at my mother because she was being forceful and guilt tripping me, she would act upset and not talk to me, and everytime i try to talk to her she would say "do whatever you want" in a rude, angry way.
She would also threaten me to put me in public school,compare me to my cousins, and she keeps saying on how i treat my friends better than her.
The main reason why my mother doesnt want me to transition is because im her only "daughter", but idk why she would compare me to my cousins and how i treat people,the closest answer i probably got is that she wants me to improve.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
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} | RIGHT |
K8ncJzk1s95i0W4QKZCnxejERARXAlLF | a3hpyq | {
"description": "avoiding my stinky niece",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for avoiding my stinky niece? | My husband and I have different opinions about this and I’d like you to settle the score.
My 7-year-old niece (my husband’s sister’s child) really likes to sit on my knee. She’s always been this way. Up until she turned 7 I was fine with it, but as she ages she gets...well...stinkier and stinkier.
How can I put this? Well....she farts all the time, ok? And they’re rancid.
When she was younger she constantly farted just as often but it didn’t smell as bad because her parents could at least control more of what she ate. Now that she’s older she’s on a rampage, eating ice cream & many of her her “trigger” foods. Oh, I should say she’s seen the doctor and it’s all related to food intolerances, lactose intolerance and celiac disease.
She’s always after my knee, dammit. I originally told my husband I was trying to wean her off my knee because I thought she was geting too old to be sitting on laps and I wanted to help encourage her to give people more physical space. But then I got drunk one night and told him the truth. He thinks I’m a monster.
“She’s just a kid.” He says. “Who cares if she farts on you.” But he’s never felt the hot blast off hit his knee... she only wants to sit on me.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 30,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 1
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4qLhOdGs5z29X6ScE2GtBSysxsluvMrb | ap14ch | null | AITA - Stay off the diesel pump | So this happened to me awhile ago but was reminded of it when it happened to my friend. So just for back ground knowledge I'll let you guys know why it infuriates me so much.
The majority of diesel pumps are located on the outsides of the gas stations. Chiefly for the ease of large diesel trucks. It is a whole lot easier for you to squeeze your car into the inside pumps, and get back out than it is for me to try and whip my four door long bed around. Also usually only about a quarter of the pumps are diesel pumps, again because they are on the outside. So if there are 16 pumps only the outer four are diesel. At least in my area.
Now I do want to say that if all the pumps are full, I'm not going to bust a grumpy over a gas car using the diesel pump. I'm not expecting anyone to wait when there's an open pump. I also don't generally have a problem with waiting a turn to get in, I'm usually not in the biggest hurry so it's no big deal. But this time I was in a hurry and there were gas pumps open.
So on to the story, I'm pulling a friends car with my truck and trailer (which makes it even more difficult to get into the pumps if you've ever tried maneuvering a car trailer into a tight space before). And as I pull into the ol Safeway parking lot a small toyota pickup whips directly in front of me into the diesel pump, while there are other gas pumps open. So after some silent yelling I decide whatever we have an hour to make it to the dealership we should make it with a couple minutes to spare. So I pull in front of the pump he's at into some parking spots and get ready to back into the pumping area so I can pull out without a multipoint turn.
As I sit there waiting for this turd to finish pumping, wash his windows, run to the kiosk for a soda, and then take a minute picking his favorite fucking song I start stewing in my own anger. He finally decides he's good and ready to pull out, so I throw the ol girl in reverse and start backing up while I see yet another gasser try to pull into the spot I've waited 10 minutes for. He sees me coming in and tries to speed up and I'm not giving it up so I keep sending it. He finally slams his breaks three feet from my trailer and does a sweet, front wheel drive reverse burn out and gets out of the way.
This is where it gets kind of shitty. He whipped all the away around, to the pump directly on the other side of mine WHICH IS OPEN. Gets out of his car and starts yelling at me about how fucking rude and inconsiderate I am. This guy might've been 60 years old and was just screaming at me. To be honest I heard the first sentence about how "This new generation of fucking rude inconsiderate dick heads who have no business driving don't know the rules of the fucking rode and need to go ask daddy for lessons." And I lost it, my truck was already filling and he had just stuck the nozzle in his car when I rounded the corner and started yelling right back.
He jabbed his finger in my face once when I slapped his hand away and told him he needed to get out of there before he had a real problem on his hands. He kept yelling at me as I took the nozzle out of his car, put it back into the pump and I told him I would stick his old ass in the hospital if he didn't drive away. And sure enough he did.
I didn't think I was in the wrong, but I was also flaming pissed about the whole ordeal. And when I get into the truck again my friend tells me that I need to tone it down and that I shouldn't speak to older people like that.
tl;dr Old guy got in my face because I didn't let him steal the diesel pump I had been waiting for, for 10 minutes. There was other open gas pumps and he tried to take the only open diesel one.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
8M2IqpIljPP3wovB9ESesD4Egy9QmCyd | b5szu8 | {
"description": "washing animal bedding in shared, community washers",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for washing animal bedding in shared, community washers? | I have pet rats. I also live in a complex with shared washing machines. My rats live on fleece bedding. Although they are mostly potty-trained, they do urinate and defecate on the fleece, which I wash in the shared machines.
​
I've seen others on animal forums suggest that this is a major asshole thing to do, because other people would not appreciate having to use washers that had rat poop and pee in them. I've even seen people suggest that they can't get these pets because it would be so awful to do this.
​
My thinking is that...it's dirty laundry. I don't see how it's any worse than washing dirty underwear or pukey baby clothes. Dirty clothes are gross, and it's unpleasant to think about your clothes being in a washer where someone else's dirty underwear was. But that's what washers are for, so...?
​
For what it's worth, I actually use antibacterial washing machine cleaner wipes to clean out the washers after I use them, just for the sake of being courteous. I'm pretty sure I literally leave the machines in better shape than I found them in this regard. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
OiLic1mlAf01cqx4scyADG8Uc49NKZBP | avlsy3 | {
"description": "taking 2-3 minutes to leave my girlfriend's house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking 2-3 minutes to leave my girlfriend's house? | Okay, so I had been over my gf's house for a few hours and it was just about time for me to leave. My mother had called me and told me she was twenty minutes away, I was cool with that. But barely 10 minutes after she's pulling up to the house and she called me telling me that she was pulling up and she mentioned that she was hungry and stuff. I was like wow okay that's a tad bit earlier than expected so I get up to grab my phone, keys, charger, headphones, candy, and a picture that was taken of me and my gf.
​
I go to the front to put my shoes on and stuff to head out but I notice my mom isn't there. I get a text from her saying, "I'm gone, you think i'm playing" and I tell her I was at the front and she told me to be ready when she called. And she said that nobody had the door open as if I was coming. She said I had her waiting "all of those minutes" and I check the call log of the time she called me and it said she called me at 9:06 PM. I was at the door around 9:08 PM. She had called me first to ask something about my gf's dads car before she said she was pulling up so I didn't know she was there at that moment. So at max she was waiting a minute and some change. I understand that she was hungry but she told me that I should of been ready when she called me earlier to say that she was 20 minutes away. I wasn't expecting her that early and I kept telling her it was only 2 minutes of her time and she just kept shaking her head at me and not responding to that. She eventually came back but she wasted more time than she would've if she had just stayed a little longer so I don't get what was the point of that.
AITA for taking two minutes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hZr7ph0lHsbOKYsKWC6bgEP8kr9gEEGR | b3c34n | {
"description": "rejecting a guy in front of the whole school and telling him ''you stink''",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for rejecting a guy in front of the whole school and telling him ''you stink''? | So, I am 15, there Is a guy I went on a date with days ago, lets call him A. A is a nice guy. There is also a guy, a big bully in our class, lets call him Z. Z and his friends are all bullies, they bully all the guys they dislike, even in our neighbours and in other schools. They are a big group.
​
Anyways, A likes me and he told me that through a letter, the whole school found out about the letter.
​
Z has always liked me since a long time but I never gave him the chance to even confess.
​
Last week they created problems for A. Today, while we were in class, they kept making fun of A, not that A cares or that it annoys him, A is really a cool guy and he never gets hurt by those idiots but still what they are doing is wrong and bad. They never bully me though.
​
So I was mad at them, because they keep on trying to create problems for A and bully him. Yesterday, Z texted me and asked if I want to go on a date with him, that's actually a bit of immature, I mean is he confessing (or asking me out) now that A has confessed? LOL
​
Anyways, today in school, in the break, I went to the canteen, while I was peacefully eating I saw Z and his friends walking behind A, one of the bullies threw himself on A and A fall on the ground, the bully said ''oh sorry laughing'' and the other started laughing hard. At that time A stood up and pushed the bully, the bully fall on the ground and A ( lol) A stood on the clothes (jacket ) of the bully and went out. They wanted to follow him and if they did follow him, then hell would have broke (Again in our school).
​
So, I walked to them before they walked out and told Z in a loud voice, ''NO, is my answer'' he asked '' what are you talking about?'' they were all looking at us, ''I said you asked me on a date last night and I am saying I don't want to'' he actually asked ''why'' (surprisingly), ''I said because you stink''. All the students started laughing at him, even though they are scared of them but they really couldn't help it, they just laughed and I walked away.
​
He was really mad but they didn't do anything the rest of the day.
​
So, AITA? was I wrong? :( Thanks in advance. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
6NplfiHToRnoYeU8u5r9XBbtdmClf8sq | b4nf9u | {
"description": "not feeling bad that my girlfriend's brother recently took his life",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not feeling bad that my girlfriend’s brother recently took his life? | Hi all,
My girlfriend’s brother took his own life this Thursday and my girlfriend is dealing with a lot of pain and sadness right now. We’ve been dating for just a little over six months now but things are pretty serious between us just to give some background info. I’m obviously supporting her through this very difficult time but I don’t feel bad at all at what he did.
Her brother was always an asshole to my girlfriend and would frequently piss her off. I’m not going to go into too much detail about this but they had a very bad relationship with each other to say the least and she has even said she wished he would die multiple times. It looks like her wish was granted.
Her entire household is actually a gigantic mess and there’s a lot of toxicity and animosity between members of her family which does scare me a bit if I eventually decide to marry this girl. Sorry about getting off-topic but, am I the asshole for not actually feeling bad about this tragedy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
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