id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Z4yOXoYt5Xdx0nXYseBqBs01yAZOBSOW | ar7kop | {
"description": "not paying for my gfs books after she said that she could do better than me",
"pronormative_score": 116,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA For not paying for my gfs books after she said that she could do better than me? | Ok. Ive been dating my girlfriend for nine months now. We are living together in a shared apartment. I make more money than her as shes unemployed and a full time student and im already working. So the bills are probably about 70/30 split.
She needs extra money sometimes for books so I pay for them. I also help out on her car note when I can. I do this because I care for her, but lately, the past month, ive been feeling like she treats me badly.
Another aspect to this is I have a form of gigantism. I was 6'3 at 14 and am 7'2 right now in my late 20s. I am close to 340lbs. I had a tumor when i was young thats now gone, and i have signs of acromegaly.
This has had a negative impact on my life. Im not able to have really normal relationships and its hard to connect with people. I cant do many physical activities due to joint pain. I am actually sort of introverted so I was actually verbally bullied somewhat in school. Physically twice when i was attacked by two separate groups of men because of my size.
Still i am an adult now, and i have moved on to a career i enjoy in welding. But i am somewhat still self conscious about my body/face and my girlfriend knows this.
Well we were drinking a week ago and she told me that "i was lucky to have her". I agreed. But she kept going, stating that i was very lucky and she could get any guy she wanted.
I was upset by this and we had an argument where i pressed her about what she meant as she never said this before, and was very supportive.
She eventually said that she could do much better than me. When i asked her if she meant my looks she said "what else?".
When we sobered up i told her to not expect me to pay for her books this month. She said fine, but shes also telling her friends that im being controlling. They told me this. She thinks im using money against her in a fight we had when drunk.
Idk, i just feel weird about everything now. Kinda depressed as well. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 114,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 116,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
M77ELHqE8c5XwfDSIPYcObqLv0hFCSIr | b4itj5 | {
"description": "not leaving work to \"rescue\" my hungover wife",
"pronormative_score": 64,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not leaving work to "rescue" my hungover wife? | My SO went out last night and specifically told me she wasn't going to drink. She came home way later than she ballparked before leaving, I'm understanding of that. Turns out she got hammered and now is having a very rough morning and wants me to leave work to come home. A little back story is she lost her job recently because she took klonopin and whiskey before work and couldn't finish her shift so never went back. This causes me to have to work every weekend until she finds something else. I haven't had a day off in 3 months. When she asked me to come home I told her I couldn't leave right now. I'm wondering if I'm the asshole for not being willing to help her since my view is this is her problem not mine. She knows I don't like when she drinks especially since she willingly stopped taking her bipolar medicine and got mad when I was " in her business" about her medication. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 64,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 64,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
mw99CWrvrZZuU0gTPVij2VxVW2DOPQu4 | axwurp | {
"description": "getting angry at my friends who knows about my situation and decided to throw me down even more",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry at my friends who knows about my situation and decided to throw me down even more? | Throwaway for reasons.
I got worked up and grew furious this couple days towards my friends. We have a group chat and yesterday i posted a simple food I made, just a sandwich with canned tuna, nothing much. And i was pretty proud and excited of it. I was excited and eager to share it because I have been battling a pretty grim depression for almost half of my lifetime. I can say that i’m better now and that being in therapy helps.
But last month somehow it started to got worse and where once I could get up and cook pretty much a proper dinner, i end up couldn’t even sit properly for more than 5 minutes. Its like all the life energy was gone. But yesterday i was getting better, and i could get out of my room and assemble a sandwich albeit just a bread and a canned tuna with tomatoes. It was my first real meal after weeks of eating craps.
My friends know about my depression, they have been somehow supportive. As in, they’d ask me how am I doing a few times a week.
But I didn’t know what I did. Maybe I annoy them to their edge that when I posted the very simple sandwich I made and being proud of it, they kinda make fun of me. Saying stuffs like “is that a sandwich? I thought it was my dog’s food”
“damn it RobustFish, how can you be proud of that thing? I work six days a week 7 hours a day and you dont see me bragging don’t you”
I don’t know if im seeing too much into their texts, and if i do please tell me so that I can apologize to them for being too sensitive.
I know that being friends with a depressed person is hard, and sometimes I could come out as super annoying. But I was furious after their mockery that day. I pretty much lashed out in the group chat and I admit I say a lot of harsh things to them.
I told them that if they were in my position they’d pretty much give up on the first day. I also told them that I may be an incompetent human but at least I’m not as obnoxious as they are.
Tldr: i just wanted to know if i am the asshole for getting angry at my friends when they mock me for posting / bragging about a sandwich i made. If I am reading too much into the situation please tell me too. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5kGINNKD9W0txZHVUVNGKKw7ZwITVGyn | az373p | {
"description": "not meeting people who consider me as a friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not meeting people who consider me as a friend? | I am lonely guy.
I mean I love to spend time alone and I have only a few friends that i really like.
I am ambivert, sometimes i go to the parties when there's occasion but last 2 weeks almost everyday people were asking me out for a beer and I'm already tired.
People from my neighbourhood keep calling to me and texting me but I dont understand why. When we meet i dont even talk to them, we are just ethanol colleagues some of them are narcistic and egocentric extraverts so face to face they are only talking about themselves and they dont care about my problems. They dont even try to understand me so i dont want to contact them.
Last few months i just dont respond to their messages and dont pick up the phone (ye they keep calling me wtf).
This is pressure i dont like, when i was younger
(I know some of these people for almost 10 years)
I was going out despite my moods but now i think this is toxic for me and
I think that if I am not in mood for it I dont do it.
So am I the A-hole for not meeting these people when i just dont want to?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
314X77qYwXmCZ81HEjQXjCFkKZuJRzf1 | aez24r | {
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to hangout/be friends with a guy who has asked her for a threesome on multiple occasions",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to hangout/be friends with a guy who has asked her for a threesome on multiple occasions | My (M21) girlfriend (F20) and I have been dating for a few months and things I have been going smoothly. As good as relationships tend to be in the “honeymoon” phase. Recently she mentioned how a guy from work, Jim for conversation sakes, wanted to hangout with her and maybe go on a double date with us and his girlfriend. I inquired about Jim and eventually she admitted he was a guy who she was considering having a threesome with. He has asked her multiple times before her and I met to have a threesome with his girlfriend and him. According to my girlfriend nothing came of it. She says they’re just friends and their only contact is at work.
When she told me all this I told her I didn’t like the idea of her being so friendly with Jim and that I wasn’t a fan of the idea of going on a double date. She thinks I’m this way because I’m jealous or don’t want her to have male friends. I have defended myself by saying that it’s not that I have anything against male friends. It’s the fact that this guy wanted to have a threesome with her and she still thinks it’s okay to be friends with him now that we’re dating. You might call me old fashion or conservative but I would prefer she didn’t associate herself with Jim and basically would tell him that they should keep their relationship as professional. I should also point out that my girlfriend as mentioned us two having a threesome with another girl and I have denied that idea. Again I’m old fashion. So AITA for making this request or should let her continue her relationship.
Thank you | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
RT4r5wejqxtEyZ9f8tBbifYPhHUTsYA2 | afm3dg | {
"description": "not wanting my gf's 5 year old to sleep in our room",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my gf's 5 year old to sleep in our room? | AITA I have mentioned to my girlfriend that having her daughter sleep in our room affects my sleep. She is hyperactive so it's hard to wind down. She wants a light on and she snores loud enough that I have to wear ear plugs to sleep. I was hoping mentioning it, my gf would do something about it but it got to the point that I had to come out and tell her I think a 5 year old should be old enough to sleep in their own room. It would be fine if it didn't affect my sleep. She also has her own bedroom.
Now my gf is sullky and says she thinks I don't want them living here when all I want is a good night sleep. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
GPt7ljvKUP7UFUmzEue8A0AP2g9VoGVp | a6kicr | {
"description": "not including my friend in the creation of a game I'm creating",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not including my friend in the creation of a game I'm creating | My friends and I play a lot of pathfinder, DnD and other assorted role playing games, and recently I have been wanting to create my own. I'm never planning to market the game, and I'm planning on using it only for fun. I first mentioned it a while ago, and now I've been working on it for about two weeks and one of my friends has been bugging me to share the documents with him. He is the only other one in the group that has read the book series that I am basing the game off of. I've told him that I want to set up the game by myself and that I don't want to have to communicate with someone else to work on it, but I am actually thinking of not playing the game with him, because he always slows our sessions down. AITA for refusing to share these documents with him | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KjtA2y2iiiTQ1r90D3BQa5bpr8bRykNO | an98uq | {
"description": "making my boyfriend stop talking to his best friend for good",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For making my boyfriend stop talking to his best friend for good | This has been bugging me for years. Thank you to anyone that reads it through.
My boyfriend [M20] and I [F20] have been dating for four years. I’ve known him for over six years, and even before we were dating we were best friends. He is diagnosed bipolar depressive and I have diagnosed anxiety/depression.
My boyfriend “Shane” and his friend “Donna” have been friends since middle school, but only truly became friends in Highschool after they were put next to each other in class and Donna vented to Shane about how she was raped by her uncle because “she just had to tell someone.” Since then, she was one of the closest friends Shane has ever had. He talked her out of/saved her from suicide about four times.
Now, I used to really like Donna. There were no problems between the three of us, no love triangle or anything, until Shane broke up with me at one his lowest points. He felt awful, was undiagnosed, and I was the only change in his life, so he thought he had to leave me to get better.
He later figured out that he had made a mistake. Three months later, we got back together... But in that time, he was lonely. So he dated Donna.
It ripped me apart. I would go into detail about how that sucked but that’s not the point here.
When Donna found out that Shane and I had gotten back together, she lost it. She sent her friends after the two of us and continuously harassed us at school and on social media. They even got teachers involved so both of our grades suffered.
Even with all of the harassment I couldn’t be mad at her. I was just in her shoes. So I sought her out twice, one on one, to ask her if she was okay and if she needed anything. She opened up to me about her friends treated her and thanked me for my concern. When I asked her to please stop harassing Shane (she was stalking him, going into his classes, throwing things at him) she said she’d stop.
It didn’t stop. But we got good at ignoring it.
Fast forward a few months to the end of our senior year. Our graduation speeches were given based off auditions. I auditioned, she didn’t show up. I got accepted to deliver my speech at graduation. Donna and many of her friends were not.
They didn’t like that. They did everything in their power to “defame” me or “debunk” me. They did a lot of awful things. It really upset me. So when yearbooks came out, I looked at their quotes. Donna’s said something like “wow that was a mess,” and for some reason that really triggered me. “The mess is all your fault,” I thought.
And so I made one of the biggest mistakes in my life. I took to social media.
On Snapchat, I posted a picture of her quote with the caption,”F*ck you, you’re valedictorian. Shut up.”
This mistake resulted in: a social media campaign to take my speech away from me, multiple threats to jump me, stalking me around campus and following me to my classes to berate me, organizing an event where almost the entire school wore black in solidarity with Donna.
No one believed my side of the story until later. In the end my speech was taken away.
Donna’s friend Janice was the one that started it all, but Donna did nothing to stop it. She wrote her own speech and published it for everyone to see, throwing in subcomments about what was going down.
I was devastated. Shane was equally if not more upset because when Donna was questioned about the “bullying” in a meeting between the two of us and school faculty, she crocodile teared her way into their hearts and blamed Shane for everything, making him out to be a cruel, manipulative monster. I told him all of what she said about him.
This event truly scarred me. It made me realize how fleeting relationships and trust are.
After graduation everything was fine, but a year later she was back again.
She was suddenly back in town, calling Shane and demanding to see him. He freaked out and came to my workplace to hide. She had been looking around our apartment complex for our apartment. Afterwards she went to his mom’s house. Then his dad’s house. I watched his phone light up from her calls.
Then, I made another grave mistake. I told him it was okay to talk to her, and that if she could own up to what she had done to us and apologize they could have a relationship again. I didn’t want to take away his chance to rekindle a new friendship with his once best friend. The hope in his eyes got to me.
That’s not the way it went. He became secretive and distant. He would always be on his phone texting her. When I wanted to know what was going on he would give me very simple answers. I tried to communicate how I was feeling time and time again but he wouldn’t listen, so at night when he was sleeping I’d go through his phone.
Some of the conversations were fine. They’d write Pokémon fanfics and discuss the movies and books they liked and how each other’s days were going. Cool.
Some of it was definitely not okay. She was dependent on him like a lost lamb. Everything she did, she needed his approval and would constantly seek affirmation from him. He wouldn’t give in because he knew what she wanted, but she would not let up.
The thing that got me most was how often she called him “mijo.” She would also constantly talk badly about me, saying that I was a “poison” and that he should break up with me.
When I was open with him about what I was doing, he almost exclusively talked to her on Snapchat afterwards. Oh no.
I did everything I could to change things. I tried acting like nothing was happening. I went to therapy for six months. I talked to him about how I felt. He would open up to me more when I asked, but would stop because I would get visibly disturbed when he mentioned her. I just couldn’t help it. I understand that I was giving a lot of mixed signals, but it was all too much for me.
The last day of the 2017, I finally got to have a heart to heart talk with him. I told him that his relationship with Donna is toxic and that I could see he was miserable talking to her, but that he also couldn’t stop because she was his best friend. He was afraid she’d kill herself without him. I told him it had to stop, that I couldn’t take it anymore and I was getting suicidal myself.
He agreed.
He called her and told her that he couldn’t continue his friendship with her, that she was toxic and truly hurting our relationship and he didn’t appreciate how she talked about me.
As any mentally unstable person would, she didn’t take it very well. She blew up his phone with calls, blubbering and sobbing voicemails, texts, Facebook messages, snapchats.
Then, on January 1st, 2018, Donna was at our door. She wanted to talk to Shane. Shane came over and told her all of the same stuff he did the day before, then asked her to leave. She didn’t. He asked her to leave again, told her to drive safe, and shut the door.
We sat back on the couch in a stunned silence. Then we heard whimpering. Looking out the window, we saw her dangling from the top of our two story apartment. She also smashed her phone. Shane rushed outside to stop her from trying to “kill” herself (I don’t think she would’ve died from the jump, probably just broken some limbs). She sobbed in his arms and clung to him. He looked up at me stone cold and told me he was going to talk to her to calm her down and walk her to her car. Bystanders were in shock. They checked to make sure we were all okay.
In hindsight, we should’ve called the police.
Weeks later and nothing had changed. I was the lowest I had ever been.
Nothing really did change until she made another suicide attempt in her dorm room across the state. This time it was bleach, I think. She told Shane that her roommate Janice (yes, the Janice from earlier) stopped her and he called the local police there and sent them to her dorm. She was now under constant surveillance and was made to go to regular therapy appointments.
Things got better, but they still weren’t great. He didn’t want to stop talking to her until he was sure she wouldn’t off herself if he stopped talking to her.
I would rollercoaster from better to worse when it came to their relationship. I would still try to bring it up and try to make her a casual topic but I never could. She’s caused us so much heart break, so much pain. I couldn’t cope very well.
A year went by and the 2019 New Years came around. I got more and more anxious each massing day. On New Year’s Day I was a wreck. I clung to any part of good in my mind to keep myself from going off the deep end.
A week after the New Years and I would have night terrors of Donna. I would watch her try to jump from my two story apartment. I would ask her to leave us alone. I would relive every sleepless night and every painful memory. After a week of that it escalated. In my nightmares I would furiously kill Donna and then myself, then wake up feeling relieved and terrified. I hated her.
I told Shane.
Needless to say, he was very disturbed.
I told him that Donna absolutely had to go. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t get passed it. For the first time, he didn’t gaslight anytime in the conversation and solemnly agreed.
After he did it about a week ago, he came over to see me with the most heart broken look in his eyes. It looked similar to when I told him I would not allow Donna to attend our wedding when we tied the knot. He laid in bed with me for about ten minutes, then left. We haven’t talked about her since.
I’m finally free from her now but I also feel guilty. I told myself for years that I wouldn’t break up their friendship, but I did. I love Shane and he’s the person I want to spend my life with. This has been one of our only problems. But it’s a huge problem. He was addicted to this toxic relationship and no matter what kind of pain I went through, he wouldn’t choose me over her. That’s all I wanted him to do.
So | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZUEmxI6H5x1XJsHzZaLJ0En31c8sEVXc | antr92 | {
"description": "ignoring my friend of five years for dating a girl that I liked behind my back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for ignoring my friend of five years for dating a girl that I liked behind my back? | This did not happen recently but in early 2017 when I was a junior in high school. It has recently come up a few times and want to get judgement from y'all. It may get a little cringey since its high school stuff but nevertheless I will continue.
​
So my friend (lets call him G) and I met in middle school when we were both new. He was the only dude that would talk to me so we instantly became friends and are still friends to this day. But one day this girl comes up. Now during the previous semester (end of 2016), I had decided to myself that I would either ask out this one girl or ask her to the school dance by the end of the next semester (lets call this girl K). It was to my surprise that in my first class of second semester she was in this class and sat next to me. But this was a special two week only course so that meant that for eight hours a day for the next two weeks I would have to sit next to K, and my goal was that much closer to being completed.
​
For the two weeks, me and K began to talk everyday and even after school. On the field trip we sat next to each other on the bus there and back and we did all the other things to high school kids would do. At the same time, my friend G was also talking to her. This never raised any suspicions because, well I was ignorant at the time. But I tried to make my advances more clear with K after this. It was a common consensus in our friend group that I liked this girl and they would even tease me about it--common high school stuff. About a month before the dance G confronts me and tells me that I need to ask K to the looming dance or that he will. This struck me because I did not think that he was considering trying to go with this girl even though I was well on my way to doing the same thing. But I responded to him and said that I was going to ask her and at that point I thought he backed off from this girl.
​
The day comes for me to ask K to the dance, and we sit next to each other (I did not plan on asking her now) in assembly. She turns to me during assembly and flat out says, "When are you asking me to the dance?" at this point I froze because I was so shocked and barely whispered out an IDK really quick. It got kind of awkward after that but it was fine. Last class of the day I was working with G on a project in a quiet room when I broke him the news. I told him that K had asked me when I was going to ask her to the dance to try and insinuate that the race was over. He said something along the lines of, "Wow, oh damn. Well how about you ask another girl instead?" Now this set off an alarm in my head because he would usually be the one to say go for it or seal the deal. But instead he told me to go for another girl. He acted all weird about it and the conversation stopped there. After school K stopped me and said that the whole dance thing was a joke and to forget about it. I told her ok but I knew something was up.
​
I then messaged her when I was home if she wanted to go even after what she told me at school. She said no and explained that she probably was not going to go anymore (!!!!!). I thought nothing of this and carried on. The next day was Saturday and I woke up to a bombardment of text messages all saying the same thing. G had already asked K to the dance the previous day and thats why they had acted all weird about it. To add on to that, they had both agreed to not tell me and keep it a secret. So even after I told him I was going to ask her, and after he knew I liked her, he still went on with it. That weekend I ignored both of their messages and pretty much any messages sent to me in total. That next Monday at the lunch table, my friends roasted me about how G had taken my girl and asked me why I was so butthurt about it. After 10 minutes of this ridicule, I pulled out my phone and blocked G and K on all social media platforms and I abruptly left the table. After this I did not speak to G until 7 months later well into our senior year of high school. I did not speak, or even look at him during this time. Which was pretty hard since we had many classes together and sat next to each other. We didn't hang out at all, and my friends would try to get together with us separately so me and G wouldn't have to be around each other. Eventually I ended up unblocking K but not G. Then I found out that they hung out all the next weekend, then the next, then eventually they started dating. Now every time after this I looked at either one of them I was overcome by pain since this was truly the first girl I ever really liked.
​
Now me and G are on good terms, as close as ever, go to the same University together, and even rooming in an apartment for Sophomore year. At the time of this story, he tried to communicate to me that he felt as though he had done nothing wrong and that I was acting like a baby. But now currently, he has realized his mistake and apologized multiple times. So AITA for blocking him and cutting off all communication after he dated behind my back the girl I liked?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
puDD9MJYab68CYmDWAAIFiodQuCtnsTt | b86nzi | null | AITA Friends SO family tragedy, I leave for a different state for work and we had plans | There's a lot to unpack here so i apologize. One of my close friends SO's close family member died last week. I leave next week to start work in a whole different state that's relatively far away from home, so it won't be easy for me to just come home. We had planned this week to spend together and going to our favorite places as a send off tour of our hometown before I go. Then this death happens last week very suddenly. I am also very close with her SO and the family member that died and the whole family honestly, and my heart breaks for them and I am also grieving the person they lost. (I knew her SO and family well before she even knew him, like 9 years before) I feel horrible for all of them, it truly was a tragedy. And understandably, she is now spending the entire week with her SO.
Now I feel incredibly selfish for feeling this way, but my whole week with her is gone, and I'm spending it with my parents and no one else since all of our other friends are at different parts of the country already. I'm not mad at her or at anyone, I of course dont blame any of them, it's just the circumstances that really suck. It feels like I will just slip away unnoticed and then I won't see any of them until I come home again, which I'm not sure when that will be. I know its incredibly selfish to feel this way, and I feel guilty feeling this because of the situation. But yet it's still there and I still feel it. Obviously I'm not going to say anything to them because that would be a dick move and cause drama, nor do I want to upset my grieving friends. I can't make it any clearer that I also grieve with them and feel their pain, have offered my assistance with literally anything they need.
Am I an asshole for feeling this way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2j5zAmWlssvUKDgIx3z5ivypUm8lnI6d | a2kds7 | {
"description": "continuing to make a joke at my friend's expense",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for continuing to make a joke at my friend’s expense? | So I was having some banter with a couple of chaps at the bar and my buddy Rodger is telling us how he got a promotion at work. He’s been insecure how his career recently so I congratulated him. My other friend, Jaguar, also works at the same place but didn’t receive a promotion. Jaguar thought he deserved one because him and Rodger worked on the same projects and had a similar length of tenure at the company.
My pal Rodger had a couple of fuck ups throughout the night (spilling his drink, not having any luck with the ladies, etc) and every time he had one I would say “and that’s why Jaguar should have got the promotion.” When I said this, I would receive some laughs from my chaps and it was obviously meant as a joke.
Anyways after I make the joke for the third or fourth time, Rodger tells me “You know you really hurts my feelings when you say shit like that, asshole.”
AITA here? For context, this is what our whole friend group is based on. We always make fun of each other but it’s all in good fun. Did I take it too far or is Rodger just taking out his anger on me? | HISTORICAL | {
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EmdtIik6uPMJLZNGJgvRMZ1orXAGeVON | 9ubm8u | {
"description": "expecting my friend to apologize for something extremely shitty that he did well over ten years ago",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for expecting my friend to apologize for something extremely shitty that he did well over ten years ago? | For context I've been socially awkward my entire life, but was at my worst in the seventh grade (13-15 years old). I didn't really understand boundaries both physical and verbal, or how to make friends. I had been bullied a lot over the years, to the point where I was suicidal but I somehow thankfully survived and have an incredible life now. My social skills have improved tremendously over the past few years, and while I still don't act properly in every situation I now have made a good group of awesome friends who let me know when I'm being weird, and have helped me learn how to behave properly. But before then when I was being bullied I was constantly told that I was A) retarded and B) that I shouldn't be in a grade school but actually an institution or program for mentally disabled children and that my parents were paying my school lots of money to keep me enrolled in it. This became common knowledge and everyone basically knew me as the "special kid" that was there only because of my parents, even other parents believed this and I would catch them saying things like "it's a disservice to keep him here when he needs to be in an institution." I even started believing this due to my poor grades and stopped believing my parents when they told me it was just a rumour spread around by some mean kids. I truly thought I was retarded with anger issues and mental health problems my parents wouldn't tell me about, I was in a really dark place. While playing some magic with my friends this weekend my one friend "John" let me know that all those rumours had originated from him. I was shocked, he was a good friend of mine whom I'd become close with in highschool. I asked him why he would spread those vile rumours about me and he just responded with "I didn't like you in elementary and thought you were actually retarded." And then he just kept playing like it was nothing. He wasn't sorry in the slightest, I pressed him for more info and he just told me it was a long time ago and I should just drop it. I don't think he realizes how much those rumours fucked me up, there are still times where I see the parents of old classmates and they talk to me as if I'm slow. I hid a noose in the changeroom of our school gym for over five years, and he brushes this off like it's nothing. So am I the asshole for wanting a little more of an apology from this guy? Sorry for such a long post everyone, this is actually my first post on Reddit and I just needed to rant for a bit so I appreciate all those who read it.
Tldr a friend of mine spread rumours that I was retarded back in elementary school and won't apologize for it now since we're adults and it happened a long time ago. Also got annoyed with me and told me to drop it when I pressed the issue further. | HISTORICAL | {
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x3OJoEAEPWLao9sJJIMciNq2PZlTBQln | ahhak5 | {
"description": "telling my girl friend we don't have to spend every minute together",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my girl friend we don't have to spend every minute together? | Let me start by saying I love my girl, we've been together about 3.5 years, couple up and downs but that's the way it goes.
I work a 4 on 4 off schedule. Last set of days off I had no plans and she's looking for new work as such is home also. We spent all 4 of my days off together, the whole time. I had a buddy come by for 4 hours one day to hang, the three of us all hung out it was good. I went back to work and did 2 shifts and called in sick for tonight's as I've lost my voice, and can't do my job without it.
Much of our time spent together right now is just watching Netflix and eating. We are trying to find new hobbies but are a little strapped for cash currently.
Tonight we were sitting around after watching a show that we finished and she asked now what. I said I have nothing in mind is there anything you'd like to do? She said no. I said I'm going to play some video games. She got annoyed.
I told her we don't have to spend every moment together. We can do our own things even if it's on different floors of the house.
Now I'm in the dog house.
Tell me, Am I The Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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W1mJ4s5nZG9Y5BY36r4IwlRKeqylRFov | aw0817 | {
"description": "not telling this guy I DIDN'T fuck his gf",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not telling this guy I DIDN’T fuck his gf? | So my ex hits me up occasionally. I knew she had a bf the past few months but then she hits me up about a week ago. She says she broke up with her bf and wants to hangout with me. And she is acting like she wants to give it another shot with me.
We only hung out that once and nothing happened we just kissed a few times and talked about a possible future. At the end of this, I asked that she try and work on communicating better. She said “this is just who I am”. I said ok I’ll pass. I’d rather be alone than confused.
Before we hung out I looked at her bf’s Facebook page and it said they were still in a relationship. When we hung out I asked her about it but she brushed it off and acted annoyed that he hadn’t changed it. I went home and haven’t talked to her since.
I saw on Facebook that it still said they were in a relationship so I messaged him to let him know that she is using him as a backup and surprise! They never broke up
Bf asks what we did when we hung out and I told him “I’d rather not get into that” despite the fact that I did not sleep with her. Does he deserve to know the truth? Part of me feels like I’m doing him a favor but part of me thinks I should have just told him the whole truth. Either way she is in the wrong and is using him as a backup, but my thinking was that if I plant doubt in his head that we had sex then he would be less likely to go back to her.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
C3ulHjh3lWf6W1qQm7VkzBrlZYrqL96X | 9vskxm | {
"description": "getting mad when my (now ex) gf peed in the shower",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting mad when my (now ex) gf peed in the shower? | I'll pee in the shower too but we were showering together when she peed. I didn't yell, I just said "why the fuck would you pee when I'm in here with you?" And she said "what's the big deal, we're in the shower. People pee in the shower all the time." And I seethed for a while afterwards. I thought it was disgusting and rude since we were in it together. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
YgeqyFKW28Zrz0GP3SBAvrX41s7EgDTb | aflx7z | null | AITA Last week I started crying in the middle of a public place and my family called me dramatic | Btw, this is a throwaway account because I’m afraid my family will find this post. I also changed some scenarios a bit and the locations so that it’ll be hard for them to pin it to me. I apologize if it seems vague in some areas, I am VERY afraid they’ll find this. If it helps I live in a very grade conscious society.
Okay, so I’ve been suffering for what I presume to be depression for quite some time now. I just don’t feel happy anymore and I’m one of those scary people who don’t seem depressed because they always look happy type. I’m a senior in university and I’m very particular about my grades. I recently failed one of my classes and I’ve been very sad for the past month, especially since I was supposed to graduate already. So while we were in the middle of a mall, one of my parents asked me when I was going to graduate. I responded and said I didn’t know (the university was being really shitty about when I could take the subject again) that parent then said that this happened because I kept procrastinating, and that it was all my fault in a ‘joking’ manner because the parent was smiling. I was uncomfortable with how things were progressing and started glancing at other things, and stopped replying. They kept pushing me, and eventually I broke down in the middle of the mall and got weird glances at people. I was shaking, and crying uncontrollably because all the memories kept cycling back to me. How hard I worked to pass this class, how everything I did was basically worthless since I failed anyways and how painful the entire class was for me in general. I calmed down a bit after a couple of minutes and they slightly changed the topic, they then asked me for some sort of input but I couldn’t just be okay after all of that, and told them to stop in tears. Then my siblings proceeded to call me a drama queen, that my parent was wrong for bringing the entire thing up in a wrong manner but I was being overly dramatic about it. I told them to stop again, that I can’t handle this right now and that it was too much for me to handle. They settled down, but my tears wouldn’t stop because everything that happened just kept cycling around my head.
Eventually we got home and I was still crying, I was explaining to my friend via text what happened and he was trying to console me. I really couldn’t handle their insensitivity about the topic so I thought about leaving for a while just to cool down. Then my brother caught me crying in my room and angrily yelled at me to get over it, that I should just be an actor because I was so good at overreacting. We ended up fighting for a bit because I yelled back about how I can’t help but feel sad since I was about to graduate but got pulled back just because of one class, that I don’t even know when I can take again. That my friends were graduating and I was going to be held back over a stupid class. That I was not over everything and it’s only been a month. He then said that ‘you’re not the only one with a problem, and that the world didn’t revolve around you.’ I then got even more stressed because it felt as if they were invalidating my feelings? I know it’s not as big as idk a divorce or wtv but it really hurts? Working really hard and failing due to something stupid.
After that I locked myself in my room and I cried even more. Apparently my mother heard us shouting and when she noticed that I locked myself in my room to cry privately, she demanded that I opened the door. I got even more stressed because they kept yelling, but I eventually opened the door. They began yelling at me more about how I was being too dramatic, that I wasn’t raised like this, that they never hit or abused me (this is arguable according to some friends) after that I had a moment of clarity(?) I have a box cutter on my desk, if I stopped crying for a couple of minutes they’d leave and I could get it and cut my wrists, so I stopped.
I really couldn’t stay quiet now that I clearly heard their arguments and started calmly deflecting back some back. I got slapped twice and she threatened to beat me up. She said that I was acting like I was crazy, and I calmly said, I might actually have something wrong with me, and that if she was disappointed with me she should just kill me. She started pulling my hair and hit me. She said that the problem wasn’t my head, but my attitude and how she didn’t raise me to be like this. After my brother (who agrees with my mom btw) pulled her away from me, I calmly stated that I might need professional help, that maybe I should go to a psychologist (since the whole not graduating thing was the straw that broke the camel’s back from all the pent up stress) I got yelled at more and my dad intervened. He yelled at me to go to his room and we talked about it. How I’ve been feeling depressed for quite some time, how stressful my academics are, how I feel as if I can’t do anything right and my suicidal tendencies. He doesn’t really understand and called me stupid a handful of times but agreed that I needed to go see a psychologist. He then called my brother and mother in so that I could explain to them everything in a calm manner. They still stress that I’m being dramatic, but if a psychologist could explain to me better, then I should go to one.
TLDR: I have a history of suicidal tendencies and I’m supposed to graduate this year but I failed a stupid class, my parents tried to poke fun at it in a very inconsiderate way and I ended up crying in the middle of a mall. They called me dramatic and that I should just be an actor. Things escalated at home and I got slapped twice, hit and got threatened to get beat up by a parent. Dad intervened and I’m going to get professional help. Was I really being too dramatic? | HISTORICAL | {
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QycZn5neYGFF9EdEsVRPIiqoDHr2iSay | avsx6h | {
"description": "leaving my girls in their cribs when I know they are awake",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my girls in their cribs when I know they are awake? | As a little backstory, I have two girls under two (23 months and 10 months respectively). They share a room. In their cribs they have water, pacifiers, and those aquarium toys that you strap to the side [like this one if you are curious](https://www.amazon.ca/Baby-Einstein-Soother-Melodies-Newborns/dp/B07DM86Z43/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=208314940932&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9000813&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=17693605500302293885&hvtargid=kwd-493729167072&keywords=baby+einstein+aquarium&qid=1551370162&s=gateway&sr=8-1&tag=googcana-20). I'd also like to note I am newly pregnant (and obviously quite ill with morning sickness and first trimester exhaustion).
Anyways...
We start our day at about 7:30am. Normally the girls sleep until about that time (or even a little later sometimes). About 25% of the time they do wake up a little early. Today was one of those days. They woke up around 7am. I could hear them on the baby monitors pushing the buttons of their aquariums, and giggling/baby talking back and fourth. I chose to lie in bed half awake, and get a little extra rest for that half hour. At no point did they sound distressed.
This isn't the first time I've done this, and whenever I casually mention it to my husband he is *appalled* and accuses me of ignoring/neglecting them. He feels I should be leaping out of bed the second they make a peep!
I mean, we have two video monitors (one pointed at each crib). I can see that they aren't in any danger. I can hear that they are content.
I don't feel like a neglectful parent, but what do you guys think? AITA here?
| HISTORICAL | {
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4d5jWceNEpSrwM2icpCrwW9oH4HZXmcy | b9mizd | {
"description": "taking a picture of a dog I was petting",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking a Picture of a dog i was petting? | So AITA for taking a picture of this dog i was petting today?
( Im not entirely sure if this belongs here but please let me know and ill move it/ remove it! also my first post an stuff)
​
Firstly i am a huge fan of sighthounds, my faves are Italian Greyhounds, Whippets and Greyhounds.
While i was on my lunch break today i walked down the street to get some sushi, and i saw an adorable tiny Whippet being walked. I politely walked up to the owner and had the following exchange:
( O = Owner of the pup, F = Friend and ya know Me = Me)
​
Me: "Excuse me Ma'am would it be okay if i could pet your dog?"
O: "Oh Hello yes of course you may!"
so i happily start petting the dog and making small talk about sighthounds and then i think "Hey my mum would love this dog" So i proceed to ask
Me: "Would it be alright if i were to take a photo of her to show my mother?"
O: "Sure!"
O: ( to Banana, the dog) "Banana sit girl"
And while banana was interested in my food she wouldnt sit but i still snapped some pics, and the woman even offered to take a photo of me petting her but i said it was fine.
​
Here is the issue, after i walked away and thanked the woman, i was in a great mood so i sent the pics to my group chat and talked about me seeing this dog, i receive this message in return
F: "tbh its weird you took a picture of someones dog"
(She then mentioned how she would be pissed off if someone took pictures of her dog)
​
So im just confused about how its weird when i asked the owner and she said it was okay, But Am i an asshole for taking a picture of someones dog?
​
( I would attach said dog pictures but now im not sure i should even have them) | HISTORICAL | {
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FXSQonomDRJobB7UESLCVCbIxqzUaVTz | ahdghx | {
"description": "sexting with a girl who has a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for sexting with a girl who has a boyfriend? | I don’t intend to ever hook up with her. (Did once before she has a bf but it was ehhh). But she’s absolute fire at sexting. She purports to have a “cheating fetish” | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
FFyQdye9ItmnToyNdXDgh56z4XguqITv | aiznql | {
"description": "allowing a long time friend to cut contact with me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I allowed a long time friend to cut contact with me? | I’ll try keep this brief. There’s a TLDR at the bottom.
My boyfriend, Brian, and I have a friend. We’ll call this friend Thomas. We’ve been friends with him for years, having met in high school. At the risk of sounding self serving, we’ve supported him through a lot. I got him a job at my work when he said he hated his own job. Both the boys play football and so Brian has driven them to training every week a two hour round trip, always refusing to take a penny from him because ‘I’d have been driving that way anyway’. We stayed up with him all night when he said he was depressed, drove him to doctors appointments and made sure he was taking his medication. We cancelled out dates to hang out with him if he was lonely or low. We did all these things because he was our friend - and who doesn’t want to support their friends? We loved him like a brother.
He recently decided he didn’t like working with me, and applied for an overseas job, 6 months away then 6 months back. This will become relevant later.
At the end of summer he got a girlfriend, let’s call her Jenny, having complained for a long time that he was single and there was no good girls left. We were thrilled for him, and arranged a double date to get to know her. While there he was rude to us, acting very strange. He wouldn’t speak to us the whole night, and as I drove everyone home he sat and texted her in the backseat instead of talking. We later found out he thought we acted ‘above him’ and constantly ‘interrupted him while he was talking’. His new girlfriend Jenny told us all this, but finished her message with ‘If I’m being honest, you were the opposite all night, always leaving space for us to tell stories, and we’re so welcoming - I don’t know where he’s got this from’.
I felt awful regardless, and pleaded with Thomas to make up. Eventually he did, saying he ‘was still disappointed in his so-called friends’ but he was willing to try trust us again.
He had begun falling out with everyone, dramatically leaving group chats, bombarding us with messages about who was ‘fake’ and how he count trust anyone. He’d always been a sensitive guy, but this was more extreme than ever. We tried to reason with him, but he was always stubborn.
2 weeks later we were hit with the bombshell that Thomas had tried to cheat on Jenny with a mutual acquaintance of him and Brian’s. He had messaged this girl, asking her to meet him, ‘my girlfriend doesn’t have to know. You’re so sexy baby’ etc. She worked out he was in a relationship, and messaged Jenny - telling her everything.
Jenny was devastated, and Thomas was volatile - blaming the girl _he_ messaged for ‘ruining his relationship’ when he was the one who messaged her asking for sex.
He told Jenny he ‘couldn’t live without her’ and there was no way he could go on. We were furious with him, however we were worried, with his history of poor mental health, and collected him from his house. We set him up on Brian’s couch, driving him to school the next morning. I asked him if I should take him to the hospital, if he really thought about suicide, and he said he hadn’t - he just thought it would make Jenny stay.
We found out later from the girl he messaged that he messaged her again, saying he hoped she was happy, she’d ‘ruined her life’ and that his friends ‘had to take him to hospital because he was so depressed about it’. We did no such thing - he lied to her to make her feel bad.
Thomas and Jenny’s relationship never recovered, and they’ve been separated for a month now.
At the weekend Thomas had a leaving party for his new overseas job. Brian and I had plans, an event his parents bought us for Christmas, but said we’d try show up later. Our plans ran on much longer than we anticipated, and by the time we were done it would have been too late to show up as I was working at 8am the next morning and wouldn’t have arrived at the bar until 1 - the bar was in a town 45 minutes away. We messaged him saying we were sorry, that we didn’t plan on the event lasting as long as it had, and that we would take him out before he left for his new job. He ignored the messages.
Two nights ago he messages Brian, calling him all sorts of names. “I was talking to Sarah (the girl he messaged looking for a hookup that ended his relationship). She said you took her side, fuck you how could you do this, thanks for being a friend”
We were confused, we deliberately didn’t take sides - but his relationship ended because he tried to cheat, of course we didn’t condone that?
We explained as such, trying to calm him down, and he got angrier, saying we were fake friends and he knew we just couldn’t be arsed with his party, that he was leaving and didn’t care about him, he was cutting us off completely. We responded saying ‘we loved you like a brother. Safe travels, please look after yourself’.
I was in tears, feeling like I’d been dumped, confused as to how it happened. I felt so guilty - but confused as I hadn’t actually _done_ anything as far as I could see.
However, now looking back, Thomas was always take-take-take from the relationship. Never interested in hearing how my week was, never giving any emotional input back, just always asking for us favours and to sort out his messes. We’re all 21, and I don’t want to play these juvenile high school games any more.
TLDR - friend has a history of shitty attitude. He’s lashed out at us for no reason, accusing us of all sorts, and tried to ghost himself from us.
WIBTA if I let him cut me (and Brian) off? If I didn’t fight for our friendship despite it lasting 5+ years?
TIA
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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lCWtDAB2LkNrZsm6j972Vjb7d98pZnRC | ay6cfo | {
"description": "correcting people that it's St Paddy's, not Patty's",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For correcting people that it's St Paddy's, not Patty's. | As the famous St Patrick's day approaches, I'm seeing friends post St Patty's for short. For some reason or another, I feel that they are showing negligence or disservice to St Patrick by calling the namesake of the holiday incorrectly.
As a result, I'm tempted to kindly share (privately) that Patty is a dimunitive of Patricia and that it should be Paddy.
I clearly know there intentions aren't meant to be harmful, so I'd merely be educating someone and saving them from a faux pas. Nonetheless, I can see my actions equivalent of being a "Grammar Nazi."
Am I the asshole if I send a note to my friends on their incorrect naming of a holiday?
Patrick = Pádraig = Paddy's
Patricia = Patty's | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
dpbSFk45Xkxc9tEKlMSmIa8DUuUAALSz | almiym | {
"description": "refusing to return to a music festival where I was arrested",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to return to a music festival where I was arrested? | A little backstory here first:
I went to a music festival two years ago with some of my "festival family" friends - people I have been really close to who travel the festival circuit annually. You can find a large chunk of them at any commercial festival in the US. Regrettably, I had a little too much fun and made some childish mistakes. I was arrested and charged with a felony for drug possession. In the end, I did a hell of a lot and the charge was dismissed. Then, I paid for it to be expunged.
It was really difficult for me to overcome for obvious reasons. Additionally, I began my first semester of law school the fall after that summer. Since then, I have dealt with limitless family and friend backlash. It was a whole ordeal, and maybe rightfully so, but eventually I handled and sorted it out.
Fast forward through all of it, and one of my friends who attended this festival with me asked if I wanted to return. Honestly, I thought it was kind of a joke and was playfully like "lol yeah no fucking way." I genuinely believe he felt bad for me for what happened, but it wasn't really his problem, and he never *really* cared I don't think. He's also an older festival veteran, maybe like 50 years old, whereas I'm in my 20s. Anyway, he took this like really hard. He demanded to know why I couldn't go, said he told all of the group I would be attending and they're excited to see me, and that I was incredibly lucky for having the whole incident basically wiped from my record - so I'm essentially squandering my blessing in the criminal justice system by refusing to return to the festival.
First, this response felt overwhelming. I mean, not to be dramatic, but the experience overall near ruined all music festivals and shows for me. They were a big part of my life and I've lost a lot of interest in that scene, moreover, I'm super safe with everything I do now. I stay away from people doing things and involving themselves in situations I wouldn't like to be caught in again. Specifically, I never want to return to this particular event. I told him that, and that it felt like a horrible, painful idea to go back. I never even intend on going back to that state tbh, there's absolutely no reason. In fact, I phrased it, "I can't go back," and he really chewed my ass out for saying "can't."
I thought after the severe tongue-lashing that it would end. But over the course of another month, he continued to be pissed off. Moreover, he got other people to reach out to me. Suffice it to say that I feel incredibly guilty. I feel guilty that I "got off" and other people can't. I feel bad I let all my friends down. And I feel wore down honestly. Is it really such a big deal to go back, I'm confident in myself that I'm **never** going to be involved in those activities again, so I could just stay far away and clean from the potential issues. Also, I just feel like everyone is kind of upset with me and thinks that I'm suck. I mean not to sound lame, but I don't want this great community of people who I love to hate me because I can't (or okay - I don't want to) return to this one festival. My feelings don't seem to be enough though. People are offering to buy my tickets, drive me there, fly me there, do anything, and I'm starting to just feel like an asshole, haha.
I guess I could be completely overreacting to the situation and I could just go back to please everyone and save our friendships. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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vnmP8fJm0GlLGoBeaCNOmsqIKI0iKJD2 | awo3ci | {
"description": "not wanting to invite more people to my wedding in hopes that a friend may \"get lucky\"",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to invite more people to my wedding in hopes that a friend may "get lucky" | Here is the short version but, I will also add a TL:DR at the end...
I am 43 and about to get married for the 2nd time in my life. Boyfriend (45) and I are just happy that we found each other and are so in love that we would be happy with even a drive through wedding right now.
A friend of ours (who has known BF for many many moons) has been kind enough to offer up his back yard in the country that has an outdoor kitchen and in ground pool for us to have the event. This is perfect for us as we don't want a big, white church wedding. The event is actually shaping up to be more of a cook out/pool party with simple "I dos" thrown in the mix. No wedding cake, no flowers, wear your jeans, have a beer, backyard hangout around a wedding. Because of this we have decided to keep the guest list to under 20 people.
Guest list break down because this is why I'm asking AITA:
Groom
Bride
Groom's daughter
Groom's 2 grand children
Bride's daughter
Bride's son
Bride's mom
Groom's 2 best guy friends
Bride's 2 best friends (1 is the guy that wants to get lucky)
Friend and his wife (they own the house where this will be held)
And that's it! Like I said.... more cook out/pool party than anything.
When I told all of this to my best guy friend (known him since kindergarten/ family friend etc) he and I then wind up in this conversation...
Him: Hopefully there will a single lady there for me to meet and go home with.
Me: I told you who was going to be there. I don't even know any single ladies to invite.
Him: Well you have time to make some new friends.
Me: Yeah between work, grand kids, my kids etc I will get right on that.
Him: Well I won't come if there is not going to be any single women.
Me: Then you may not want to come.
He then sends a very lengthy text about how I owe him because I have known him even longer than I have known the man I'm going to marry and how mad he is and thinking that he just won't come anyway.
So, AITA since I don't want to add or really even know how I would add to my guest list for my wedding?
​
TL:DR Guy friend I have knows since kindergarten is mad and may not attend my wedding because I do not know a single lady that would be interested in him that I could add to my very short guest list. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mmmECU18pQjMROger9CVrNLAbFhkJKfE | b1ja92 | {
"description": "not wanting to know the gender of our baby",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to know the gender of our baby? | I am currently 18 weeks pregnant and am kind of at an impasse with my fiancé. He really wants to know our baby’s gender beforehand. I really would prefer to wait and be surprised when the baby gets her. Neither of our reasons are really “better” than the other’s - it really seems to be a matter of preference, but I don’t know how to compromise. Part of me feels like since I’m the one carrying the baby I should have the final say about a gender reveal, but I’m not sure how logical or fair that position is. Another part of me acknowledges how, as the father, his opinion matters a lot and maybe I should compromise and just let the doctor tell us at our next scan.
He’s offered to have the doctor just tell him, and swears he’ll keep it to himself. I don’t think that’s possible. He really wants a girl and I feel like, if nothing else, I’d be able to gauge the gender just from his reaction.
AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
UlxlpgV8jl6389h3DX7phZT0A0JzTz19 | ao9zx6 | {
"description": "potentially causing 2 of my close friends to break up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for potentially causing 2 of my close friends to break up? | Mobile, not native language, spelling errors blabla...
First of all, this is jn highschool and isn’t anything major, but I’m still not sure if I’m at fault and would like some outside opinions.
A couple months ago 2 of my friends (call them John and Lisa) started dating and at the time John was one of my best friends. Lisa an I also got along well but I was much closer with John. During their relationship I noticed that the way they behaved towards eachother didnt’t change. They seemed like their relationship wasn’t going anywhere. At the time i didn’t really care and was only concerned about the fact that if they were to break up, I would have 2 friends who will be very awkward when together.
After about 2-3 weeks me and Lisa started talking more. We talked about all sorts of things and sometimes about their relationship. Now I am the kind of person who calls people honey and send hearts (even to my male friends) to make jokes and to tease people.
So I also did this to Lisa, thinking John would understand as I always do this, especially to him. But after a while Lisa tells me John had been complaining that we sending each other such affectionate texts, while they were in a relationship. Now, they had been together for about a month and Lisa had told me she was beginning to get fed up with how John never did anything with the relationship. They were basically just friends but in a relationship on paper.
Me and Lisa had become good friends but then one time told me she wanted to break up with John because she thought it wasn’t going to lead anywhere and they had become pretty fed up with each other. I gave her some advice and told her she should take time to think about it and then decide if she was going to break up. I also told her she should do it in person because I knew John’s previous relationship ended badly because someone broke up with him with a quick text.
I had a talk with John the next day and he told me he still wants to stay with her. I also asked him if I should stop texting his girlfriend, but he told me “No ofcourse not, I would be a bad friend and a bad boyfriend if I forbade you talking with my girlfriend”. I was relieved but that didn’t last long.
After a few days John tells me that he broke up with Lisa and that I should go get her. I asked him what he meant by that and he told me I knew what he meant. So, of course I got pretty mad at him because I trusted what he said, and told him that I hadn’t any intentions of going after his gf.
I told him i was sorry they broke up and ended the conversation.
A few minutes later Lisa told me they broke up, and that it apparently didn’t go well because she got pretty mad at John when he texted her to break up, exactly the way I told her his previous relationship ended. She demanded he at least to be called and after an awkward phone call, they had broken up.
Anyway, after this me an Lisa kept being good friends but me an John started to drift apart. Exactly what I had feared.
Yesterday someone told me I had fucked John over by trying to steal his gf, which gave me the reason to make this post.
AITA and did I cause their breakup?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GKI9X9IymbcOOSx0jzDZrI8mU374QaaU | ai9mwv | {
"description": "telling someone I'm not ready for a relationship and then getting into a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling someone I’m not ready for a relationship and then getting into a relationship | Background: this guy tried coming on to me multiple times (I’m a guy and also not gay) and I’ve told him that I don’t like him and that I’m not gay but he still tried anyway. So I said that I wasn’t ready for a relationship so that I didn’t hurt his feelings that much, however now he has been gossiping about and saying that I was flirting with him all the time before I got into a relationship | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SjSw1ACLLNFomAyy7JZ1ugimjZYXhFlZ | b30kad | {
"description": "wanting some warning that I wasn't going to be needed for a taxi service",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting some warning that I wasn't going to be needed for a taxi service? | So some back story, my best friend's fiancee was in the army and he is back, super happy for my friend. Also I should add that due to my friend having bad anxiety, she hasn't gotten her license yet.
So this morning I'm two minutes away from my friend's house, a good half hour from my house, when I get a text from her saying that her fiancee is back and I don't need to pick her up. Cool, but it would have been nice to get some kind of message that I wasn't needed as a taxi service anymore.
It might seem little to not that many people but I see it as rude to not tell me that I wasn't needed and left in the dark about wasting time driving a half hour to her place only to get a message saying I wasn't needed anymore. So I got mad and asked in a calm voice with a tinge of anger, why I wasn't told that I wasn't needed this morning like when she got up instead of the two minutes before I reached her house. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
O3CxilAMtHkDWhGFvOY8M4jtAgvkMJe6 | a1dsy0 | {
"description": "forcing my boyfriend to open his phone so I can snoop",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 44
} | AITA for forcing my boyfriend to open his phone so I can snoop | I dont know his password. He doesn't know mine. I havent gone through his phone, we never do that stuff. Until tonight. I was curious, and told him I wouldn't get mad. I saw crap that effin sucked. Subscribed to titty models in Twitter, snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, tumblr.. lots of them. All over his phone. His direct messages are all clean. Too clean. So now im yelling, threatening to leave, and convicting him of being two-faced and a liar. I even scared both our cats while yelling. Now I locked myself in the bathroom. Am I the a hole for saying ill be cool about it, and then hella blowing up? AiTA for being disgusted? Am I the a hole for not wanting to trust him anymore? I cant even look at him without thinking that theres more to him than I thought. It hurts to feel like there are two separate entities of a person you love. A person you trust, and lust for, only to be doing God knows what while subscribing to so many sexual accounts. To be a guy must be so easy.
Middle finger love. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 44,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 44
} | WRONG |
wZAptr0VHped9b2lJSpDqXi0FAsBaQuD | aqs8i2 | {
"description": "turning down my sister's request of reconciliation",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for turning down my sister’s request of reconciliation | First things first, I have been the asshole in my relationship with my sister in the past. I am fully aware of it. I have been a bad brother in the sens that I was too involved in her love life, I hated her then boyfriend (now fiancé) and I still can’t get along that well with him. Back then, I was watching her every move and at its peak had caused her to go into a panic attack. I have been a bad brother and I know it.
It got so bad between us that she literally told me to leave her alone and not get involved in her life ever again, which I did.
Due to that rupture in our relationship on the one hand, and me losing my job and questioning my own life choices in the other, I suffered from sever depression and had developed a suicidal tendency. If it wasn’t for a good friend of mine, I wouldn’t be here telling you this story. It took me a lot of effort (and therapy) to get out of that mind state.
Now that time has gone by (2 years) she is slowly trying to reconnect with me. She is getting engaged in six months. But I don’t want to reconnect with her. We hurt each other so badly that I don’t see us ever going back to the relationship we once had.
She is trying to get involved in my life, she’s asking my if I have a girlfriend and if I am mentally ok!? I don’t want to talk to her. It took me so much time and energy to come out of my depression. I just want to concentrate on being happy on my own. She thinks I’m lonely and depressed. I think I just don’t need to be in a relationship right now, what I need is time to heal and find my true self. But she doesn’t seem to get that.
Although i don’t approve of her life choices I am happy for her. But that doesn’t mean that I want to reconnect with her and open up to her. I believe that our relationship will never be the same again. But she still thinks otherwise. And I am sick and tired of her attempts to reconnect with me.
So am I the asshole for not wanting to reconnect with my sister!? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
4OmpvujVamtBXhCVMlTuvG3Q8zxmMGiw | 9wdh49 | {
"description": "starting dating certain girl",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If i started dating certain girl | First some background.
When I was in highschool 2 girls liked me but I didn't like them back and nothing really happened. Now I'm 5-6 years older and I still don't have any experience in relationships.Looking back I think I was taking highschool dating too seriously and should have taken more casual approach and probably fool around a bit and get some dating experience. I have a feeling I missed some things teenagers should go through.
​
Now I'm on verge of my 23th birthday. I recently met this girl and I'm pretty sure she likes me. We have lot of stuff in common and she seems pretty nice so far. She is 3 years younger. I'm not really sure I really like her yet and I feel like giving it a chance might help grow and experience relationships dynamics and who knows maybe dating will help me like her. So WIBTA if i started dating her while not being 100% into her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NKq0D1iFIa2LvAdAYdCo8sVGkbukdHzi | axbvei | {
"description": "not reaching out to a former friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not reaching out to a former friend? | I (28f) used to be best friends with a coworker (39f) at my previous place of employment. She and I fell out in my final year due to jealousy of me leaving and just growing apart- Ispent a lot of time working on myself in therapy while we worked together and I'm no longer the same person. Her mother passed from breast cancer prior to us meeting, one of her aunts was diagnosed with breast cancer and it was really hard on her (her moms sister who was like her 2nd mom). Her aunt is in remission but it really scared her, now she found out that her other aunt (moms other sister) has breast cancer. Some mutual friends told me about it and I felt bad but not bad enough to reach out to her. We haven't spoken in 3 months, as she was spreading rumors about me and I just cut her off with no contact, I didnt want to get into a bunch of drama and bullshit. Am I the asshole for not reaching out to her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Yg8blvlNNf7ipMvBSfRM9WQz7Utn23fp | b37e21 | {
"description": "not helping my sister clean up her cat's mess",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my sister clean up her cat’s mess? | On mobile so I apologize for any weird formatting.
Some context: we adopted the cats together as litter-mates. My cat vomits every time we feed her without adding water to her food. So for the first few months, she was throwing up and I had to clean it up. My sister always refused to help, saying that it was my cat so I had to do it. Today, her cat peed by the front door. I assume this is because of the cat next door (we live in an apartment complex). He also pooped on her bedroom carpet. She told me to clean up one of the messes for her and I refused, saying that every time I asked her to help clean up my cat’s vomit, she refused. She blew up at me and told me never to ask her for anything again. While she was cleaning up, she told me repeatedly that we were getting rid of the cats. This is the first time that her cat has peed/pooped outside of the litter box. I think she’s overreacting, but what do you guys think? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PhJTSsSCEyyYtVZWquyn74Yvk31qrgpk | are74j | {
"description": "getting mad at my friend for using me for my pc",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at my friend for using me for my PC? | Long story short, he never wants to go anywhere else except to my house, which wasn’t the case before I bought my PC that took months to afford. He’s a great friend outside of my house, but whenever he is here, all he does is go on my pc and play fortnite for hours without even saying a word to me, even getting on vc with other fortnite players. All that, and he never even asks! Am I the asshole for getting mad at him? Is he just completely using me, or am I wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8hIi6qBbDPyUrby4InzOXG3GKuTFSUVn | a3w1tx | {
"description": "leaving a coworker out of a group text",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving a coworker out of a group text? | I teach karate as a job, and the week before Christmas the owners of our dojo are going to Japan, so me and the other assistant instructors are left in charge.
Because I wanted to plan for this week, I made a group chat with the other three assistant instructors (A, T, and N). Now, we have another coworker, S, and S doesn’t do karate and is only there as a sales person.
When A noticed that S wasn’t in the group, he made another group chat with S in it (they’re dating, which is probably why he did that). I said i didn’t want to blow up S’s phone and there’s no reason S needed to know what we were planning on teaching, and I’m continuing to use the group chat without S.
S really doesn’t need to know what we plan on teaching, seeing as they don’t do karate, but I’m also a little annoyed because S gets credit for being an instructor for doing nothing whereas A, T, N, and myself have put in many years to earn multiple black belts and become instructors. ATIA for getting bothered by that & intentionally leaving S out of the group chat? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wSFQOCv8H6eCib2YEnBDfUZffYeVQQLA | acqj4f | {
"description": "wanting my relationship to work out",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for wanting my relationship to work out | I’m sorry if this is the wrong community to post this on, and for the post being kinda long.
so, about a year ago I (f20) broke up with my bf(m23). there’s a lot of reasons going into it, but i basically felt like I wasn’t a priority anymore. we’d argue every day and everyday id say i was done, but we’d end up fixing our issues and acting like nothing happened the next day. this one time was different, I was really hurt and I wanted to feel at peace for once. looking for validation, i slept with another guy after breaking up with my bf. about a week later, i texted my bf and we got back together. he asked if i had been with anyone else and i denied. a month after that, I came clean about it and the entire hell unleashed upon me.
that’s not the end of the story, it’s been a year since that happened and we’re still together, this has obviously damaged the relationship at a whole other level. i’ve been trying to make things right because I really do love this person, i’ve made a huge mistakes and I am the asshole for that. but, the real question is, am i the asshole for wanting to work this out?
my bf obviously can’t just forget it happened and act like nothing happened. but a part of me wants this to work this out? it’s hard bc every time we argue this subject comes up and it’s hard. I’ve changed a lot since this happened and I don’t know how to make it right. should i give up? should i keep trying?
he’s constantly in a bad mood, don’t want to have intimacy because he says i ruined it for both of us. and i don’t blame him. but it’s hard. idk what to do.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
7xrJkindEX440jmMdiF8K9lh0w1AxeDv | aw7tyh | {
"description": "leaving a mess in my hotel room",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | WIBTA if I leave a mess in my hotel room? | I've been staying in a hotel for about 3 weeks, and I bought a lot of clothes in this city, but I am leaving soon. I have too much stuff to take back now! Can I leave my stuff here and have the hotel deal with it? Also there are dishes and some takeout boxes. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
TuJZVf0e3BGxjr85ba37CsUHnVldcPL5 | aiq9u8 | {
"description": "laughing at my ex when he got kicked out of our University",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for laughing at my ex when he got kicked out of our University? | Ok so I dated this guy for about 3 months spring semester of last year. We were both sophomores and in the business school together. We took 2 of the same classes, but he was behind me in credits bc the semester prior he was put on probation for failing 2 classes.
Academically, he did ok while we were dating. I set up study dates for us to make sure he would do the assignments because if I left him to do them himself he wouldn’t do them. We got into a few fights about it but we were able to make it work.
As it was getting to the end of the semester he had skipped a week and a half of classes due to him playing video games until 4am and sleeping the entire day. We argued and eventually broke things off.
He was put on probation again due to his grades not being up by the end of the semester. Surprisingly, he was still enrolled at my university Fall semester 2018, I offered to help him with the classes he was taking bc we decided we wanted to stay friends after we broke up. But he ended up getting a new girlfriend and distanced himself from me.
A few days ago I was scrolling through Facebook and saw that he changed his education from our University to the local community college and in the comments he told one of his friends from home that he had been kicked out of our university.
I had to laugh because we broke up bc I was “nagging” him too much about school but then his ass gets kicked out. There’s a part of me that’s just like “I told you so” and then there’s another part of me that is kicking myself because I shouldn’t be spending so much time thinking about my ex’a misfortunes. So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
un6vDQTmGsTx2YdZkZ2F2MLhmgSI09BW | aoxs8g | {
"description": "ruining his life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ruining his life? | F1 - "Best"? friend
F2 - friend
I never had a lot of friends in first grade, i was mostly alone, since everyone knew each other for more than a year.
At second grade I started talking with F, since we had similar interest. He was the smart kid, and had shitty parents that took his phone and had it only on weekends.
He started being rebel since 8th grade, fights with his parents, hid his phone and the most important. He started being aggressive. We had this game, you scare someone and if you move your head away, we could hit you on the arm, first time it was light, then harder, and on the 3rd was hardest. He did this a lot to me, and when i wanted to do the same, he was moving away, so i can hit him, right? No, he wasnt scared. At one point i had a lot of bruises on myself.
I came to F2 to do a group work, it was me F2 and F. We did it and played some games. I bought an can of Monster Energy and F and F2 wanted to drink it, i refused to give it to them. F started to hit me with a pillow the hardest as he could, i was telling him to stop but he didnt. F2 was recording this.
Next day almost the whole class laughed at me. On a break, F and one other guy started kicking me and tryed to steal my stuff. I tryed to stop the tears, but i coudnt. We had to go to the pedagog, and had to say what happened. The teachers told me that they have seen the video that F2 recorded, and F will be punished, the punishment would be at least a worse behavior thing on a end of year paper.
After this grade we have to switch schools, and none of the good schools will accept someone with a bad behavior. So F will get into a worse school, then worse college, and have a worse job.
AITA for ruining his life or is it me overreacting to everything? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Fo3OAposW2C5b4Uh1VK9Dp0OYGTz5Frt | arsfsi | {
"description": "not wanting a new dog",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting a new dog? | My childhood dog passed away less than 2 weeks ago and my parents are already buying a new dog. I am not about it... i don’t want to go through the puppy phase immediately after my dog of 13 years passed away. They haven’t gotten it yet, but they were talking about getting 2 new dogs of the same breed as the one who passed away. Are you kidding me?! I am not looking forward to picking up shit and getting my stuff eaten and hearing these dogs bark like there’s no tomorrow when i open the fridge at midnight.
Me not being excited about the new dog/dogs kind of upsets them and makes me feel like i’m being selfish? but i don’t know how to explain it to them. I really really don’t want another dog right now at all.
TL;DR my childhood dog died and my parents are already trying to replace him | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lVrX9JJfbURvf5CQTCynxf5WtIaGk6Lh | b0bmfn | {
"description": "not talking to my ex after she broke up with me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Not talking to my ex after she broke up with me | So about 2 years ago, when I was a junior in high school, I dated someone who I considered one of my best freinds. We had known each other for almost 5 years before that and we both grew mutually closer, to the point where we actually able to plan half of our classes together for both semesters. She asked me out and we dated for a solid 3 months. During the time where we lived had a record breaking winter in every possible sense of the word so we didn't get to spend as much time together as we would have liked. I still ended up at the least being able to drop of her Christmas present to her home. However around February, with still a solid foot of snow on the ground, she sends me a text saying that she thinks we should separate because things aren't working out. I try and play my case and try to give her ways that I would try and improve. More phone calls making more plans when the snow finally thawed ect. But after a back and forth she finally revealed to me that she was already making plans to try and date one of my other friends. I had known this friend since 1sr grade and we have actually been drifting slowly apart in recent years but we still have that life long bond that will always be there. Since that day I have not talked to her despite her attempts of trying to say "let it go it's in the past let's just revert to how we used to be" and I could not stand that kind of logic. Honestly I was heart broken and the worst part is I just feel like I was blind to everything she was doing. Shortly before we had gotten together she was going through troubles with her anxiety and then current boyfriend. She had used me for emotional support then. I'll admit I was probably an asshole for being willing to be a rebound for her after she broke up with her previous boyfriend before me.but I can't help but feel she had just been using me so she doesn't have to deal with her problems.
Tl;dr am I the asshole for being a rebound boyfriend that then refused to talk to her after being broken up with via text. | HISTORICAL | {
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djPROsVUXQzghkd3TtSc7dN9FT1yc9rv | awfmz1 | {
"description": "ghosting my long time friends over jokes",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for ghosting my long time friends over jokes? | So, hard to describe the full situation without context, but the short and sweet of all of the background info you need to really evaluate the situation is this. I've known these people for almost 4 years, to the point that they feel like siblings, but recently it seems from my perspective that everyone has started to wretch at the thought of me joining in on group activities. When I ask, however, I've been told that the things people have said to make me feel that way were meant as jokes, and either reality seems equally plausible.
​
Me and my friends have almost always thrown insults at each other in a friendly way, but I was always the most sensitive to it. I got to where I'd get genuinely angry, or even cry when it was wildly disproportional to the shade thrown. Recently, these jokes have seemed to get more malicious, particularly towards me, and this is an example of something that i remember being said:
(SF = snarky friend)
me: (something about the game we were playing)
SF: wow are you still here?
me(frustrated, feeling like i know where this is headed): yeah SF, I never left.
SF: yeah, literally nobody gives a shit, shut the fuck up.
​
or this situation with a different person, but still identified as SF
me: (sends some sort of tumblr funnypost or something)
SF: Would have been funny if someone else sent it...
​
Lastly, a few times the first SF has said "you know we have group calls without you" and stuff of the like, in kind of a teasing tone. stuff that really strikes some of my deepest insecurities, but I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or serious.
​
I genuinely can't get a read on if this is actual harassment or if I'm just overreacting to something any of them would say is a joke, but I'm getting fed up with it and thinking about leaving altogether, so I'd like to see what a bunch of strangers on the internet think. Would I be the asshole for ghosting them? If something is unclear, I can provide details, but it spans such a long time frame it was kinda hard to think of what to include and what not to, so I tried to keep to more recent things. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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fcru26ilmm6ZuuuuxTp8pTA7J9cLV7Pm | 9yq336 | {
"description": "sleeping with a girl who's in a shaky relationship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for sleeping with a girl who's in a shaky relationship? | Before you say something, hear me out.
Now this girl I started hanging out with seemed pretty interesting. We had similar hobbies and connected well
But she was in a relationship with a person for almost a year now. She told me a lot of private things about herself including that she's cheated before.
Now recently, whenever we hangout, she tried to get physically close to me. Her bf isn't home so we just chill. She rests her chin on my thighs and stuff life that.
Now she was supposed to get married to the guy. But lately they've been having a hard time and been fighting. I really didn't want to end up in the middle of them but one day while hanging out we drank a lot. One thing led to the other and now I feel like shit
I didn't want to do this and it was just bad judgement. She insisted on me getting more fucked up. I feel like I destroyed a relationship and I'm not even interested in her romantically. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 3,
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TnAv00l7ERZzZFL7snPQ2Lj0FVUyVE3V | ak5ytt | {
"description": "being reluctant to reach out to someone who indirectly complained about me snubbing them",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being reluctant to reach out to someone who indirectly complained about me snubbing them? | Bear with me, I want to be as fair as possible to get an honest judgment and that requires giving context...
I didn’t grow up with a close family and have been more or less on my own with my husband and kids living overseas for my entire adult life. I’m not the type to send holiday cards out and I never stayed in touch with anyone from my family outside of a few random messages here and there. I’ve mostly only spent time with my husband’s family. We moved back to the states and back to my hometown a few years ago because I was having health problems during my pregnancy. Nobody lives here anymore except for my aunt and cousin. I had stayed with them for maybe a year or so when I was a child and my parents were getting a divorce. The time I spent with them was nice and I always looked back on that time fondly. My aunt and cousin visited across state lines during my first baby shower years later although I didn’t get to spend much time with them. During my time overseas I sent my aunt a rosary I bought at the Vatican (my family is Catholic. I’m not religious myself) and sent my cousin a gift card and some things from Europe when she had her first baby.
Since being back, they’ve made me feel welcome although there have been a few awkward moments... At one point my aunt and cousin separately asked if they could visit and have lunch with me on the same weekend, but shortly before that my cousin had mentioned she wasn’t getting along with my aunt. I wasn’t sure how to approach it. I didn’t want to insult anyone by inviting one and not the other, but I also didn’t want to get in the middle of it or somehow cause even bigger problems between them. So I ignored the messages. I admit, I could have handled it better by leaving it up to them to decide whether or not to spend time together or I could have made up an excuse, but I just didn’t think of that. Lies don’t come easy to me so I didn’t even see that as an option. Well, apparently the reason they asked to visit was because my sister had started chatting with our aunt more and had mentioned to them that I was kind of bummed I wouldn’t get to have a celebration for baby #2 since none of my friends live nearby. When I didn’t respond to them asking to visit, my aunt blew up at my sister and went on a rant about how, “Now she understands why my Dad dumped [us] for his new step-family,” and such. Basically weaponizing whatever my sister had confided in her about our family. It was weird. But after realizing what they were planning, I immediately apologized and explained I hadn’t wanted to get in the middle of whatever argument my cousin and her were having. My aunt responded huffily, but overall we moved past it. They threw me a baby shower and they were very generous and I was grateful.
At some point my aunt moved to a different house nearby and offered to let me have one of their older beater cars. I asked if she was sure that was okay and eventually accepted since we figured my husband could use it as a commute car. They went out of their way to get it to me because they couldn’t get it started and had it towed a few hours. We got a new battery for it and a few other parts, but could never keep it working past the first month. I never admitted that to her because I didn’t want to seem rude or ungrateful. My point in bringing it up is that they have tried to be generous and I try to make sure they know I’m appreciative. The gesture meant a lot and as they say, “It’s the thought that counts.” They invited me over for Easter and Christmas. The first Christmas was a little awkward because I brought flowers and food, but didn’t realize there would be a gift exchange (my husband’s family is a lot larger than mine so we rarely exchange gifts with any adults - just the kids).
My sister recently told me my aunt told her that my cousin feels like I’ve snubbed them. I guess because I never invite them over or something? I’m not totally sure since nobody said anything to me directly. Again, that’s not something I’m used to doing. With my husband’s family, we always meet at the house that’s biggest and my cousin’s house is much bigger than mine. I also had a specific reason not to invite them to anything last year. Last year, I found my older brother living in a kind of halfway home. He had basically been abandoned by our parents over a decade ago when he developed a mental illness. This has always been a sore spot in my immediate family and is the reason I’m not very close with my parents. My sister seemed to hold a grudge with them for the same reason. Long story short, we live nearby now and are better off financially these days so I let my brother move in hoping I could improve his quality of life. It lasted about 6 months, but unfortunately we couldn’t help as much as we thought we would be able to. He started having violent episodes and causing a lot of damage around our home. I was/am extremely saddened about the whole situation so I was pretty withdrawn over the holidays. The entire time my brother lived with me, my sister never asked about him or how I was doing which was a surprise since we literally spent the past decade complaining about how our parents should have done more for him. Over that period, my parents showed more concern than she did. Over the last few years I’ve come to realize my sister and I have very different values and priorities, but that’s a story for a different time... I ended up withdrawing from both Spring and Fall semesters (when my brother moved in and when he moved out). Summer I threw myself back into my classes and made A+ in all 4 courses. Point being, I was pretty busy last year between school and my brother and taking care of my regular duties as a mother.
My brother’s mental illness is unpredictable and given my family’s historical lack of interest in his well-being, I didn’t want to put my aunt and cousin on the spot by inviting them over to a situation they might be uncomfortable with. Again, perhaps I should’ve let them have the choice to decide what to do. I did post some pictures of us during the summer to show he was doing well (which he was, at first) and the food I had made. But I guess my aunt and cousin just took it as me having big parties and not inviting them. My sister said she tried to explain about my brother, which I’m kind of annoyed by. My sister is the type of person that always tries to put herself in a flattering spotlight and she really had nothing to do with my brother last year and I have no idea how she tried to spin it. She’s very much a know-it-all “I can do no wrong” type. Even after she supposedly explained to them, nobody reached out to me.
Am I the asshole for being reluctant to reach out to clear things up? I can admit that I haven’t reciprocated as much as I probably should have. I’m a bit socially awkward and having “family” nearby is just not something I’m used to so I don’t really think about it much if I’m honest. I’m an introvert and usually just wait for other people to do the inviting. They’ve done a lot for me and I appreciate it, but it bothers me that nobody’s talking to me about their feelings directly. It kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth because it feels more like they’re gossiping. I also feel like overreacting is becoming a bit of a pattern with them. My frustration with my sister might also be adding to my reluctance to reach out since she’s apparently close to our aunt now. | HISTORICAL | {
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GtkvGJjKDLapOwXbhNoiU0GTuZEgnIqp | acvs4p | {
"description": "'letting' an ex-girlfriend see the list of reasons I wanted to break up",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for 'letting' an ex-girlfriend see the list of reasons I wanted to break up? | Quick backstory. This all happened quite a few years ago but it still sometimes pangs me. Basically, I'd been on-and-off dating a girl for about 12 months. We had a lot of fun, but she had a major problem with snooping - on one occasion, not merely logging into my facebook, but actually deleting someone she thought I shouldn't be friends with. When confronted about this, she was apologetic and said 'yeah, I know, I get kind of crazy sometimes'. I should also add that I never cheated on her, but because of the on-off nature of the relationship, I had had some recent hookups not with her. For my part, I'm not too strict about boundaries, so forgave her after the snooping incidents.
Fast forward to the end of the relationship. Basically we were bickering way too much and I just snapped and said "I've had enough." We talked it through, and she said we should take a week away from each other, think carefully about what we regarded as the pros and cons of the relationship, and write up a list. These lists were intended to be private, serving as essentially personal discussion notes for a subsequent meeting. I did this, trying to be extremely honest with myself. Among the things I put on the list were some pretty blunt stuff, like I had always felt she was more attracted to me than I was to her, and that I wasn't wild about her body type. There were probably some other pretty damning items on there too.
So, then we have the meeting. We're at her place, drinking wine, she's running through some items from her list, noting the things that she regards as our strengths and weaknesses. I run through my list too, being careful to filter and rephrase as I go along - e.g., talking vaguely about 'flagging passion' rather than my lapsed attraction to her. The conversation is mostly productive. Eventually, I take a bathroom break, and I leave the list on the arm of the chair I was sitting on.
I get back from the bathroom, and she's sitting there in tears. *Of course* she's read the fucking thing. She couldn't help herself. She says "I don't think I could ever be with anyone who finds me so unattractive." I ask her what the hell was she thinking looking at a private document. She says I absolutely knew her well enough to realise that she would do it, and why would I leave it out if I didn't want her to look.
(FWIW, I don't *think* I left it out deliberately, either as a self-esteem boobytrap for her or even a test. I'm just kind of forgetful and had been drinking wine. But the human mind is a funny thing. Maybe at an unconscious level I knew it was a risk.)
So, anyway, we broke up. I normally try to stay friends with exes, but she made it very clear that she regarded leaving out the list of her flaws as an asshole move and one that hurt her a lot. So tell me reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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xdXSOhZnsxOgxWebbdlErFSzt0c9GAGL | apbxai | {
"description": "being upset about a baseball cap",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset about a baseball cap? | So, long time lurker, first time poster. Also on mobile and feeling a little distressed, so bear with me.
About a year ago I moved from Brazil to Portugal, and around that time, right before making the Atlantic crossing voyage, I made sure to visit a long time, very distant living friend (she lives 6 hours away from my parents).
I'll be honest, we're not best friends, not even close. She was always kind of distant, and had already let me down or stood me up a few times in the past. The reason why she's so important to me is because she's the only contact I have left from that part of my life (my family and I lived in that city until I was 14 years old), and that was always enough for me to keep pushing our friendship forward, even when I felt it was kind of unilaterally.
Fast forward to the visit, I traveled to say her goodbye and there we went to dinner with a good friend of hers (I know for a fact that this third person is one one of her best friends and they see each other fairly frequently). After dinner the friend drove us home and I ended up forgetting my favourite baseball cap on the back sit of her car.
Fast forward an entire year, and I'm yet to see my cap again. I mean, it's really tricky to explain why this cap is so important to me. I bought it almost 10 years ago when traveling to the USA. It's basically the only cap I've used for these past 10 years. I really really really love it, it fits perfectly, it's awesome, matches all my clothes. I really feel in a way, it's part of my personality, part of who I am.
I don't remember how long it took me to realize I'd lost it back then. I was pretty sure I'd forgot back in her car and I asked my friend to check with hers and eventually after weeks her friends finally found it and I asked if I could have it back, to what they agreed. The plan was really simple, my friend is neighbor to my cousin that is constantly traveling between Brazil and Portugal (we have part of our family here and there), and my friend simply need to get the cap with her friend whenever they saw each other (they didn't need to see eachother specifically for the exchange it anything, I'd gladly wait for things to happen naturally), leave at my cousin's and that's it, I would handle it from that point on. But again, it's been a year already and that never happened.
And the thing is, I'm really really upset. And honestly, I'm upset this whole time, this whole year, and it's getting worse as time goes. From the start I don't feel my friend ever took this seriously, and I never felt she made an effort to get my cap back. I know for a fact that I did my best to make it very clear that the cap is really important to me and that I would very much appreciate if she could get it for me. I already contacted her friend directly, who confirmed having the cap and willing to give it back the first opportunity.
I feel really embarrassed, but I'm getting more and more upset and this is ruining our friendship to me. I don't want to be a pain in the a**, asking week after week about it and end up behaving like the cap is the only thing that matters, but honestly, I'm losing any desire to even talk to her. At this point, I can't even honestly answer myself if I'm more afraid of losing her friendship as consequence of how I'm feeling, or if the idea of never seeing my cap again is what really frightens me.
AITA for expecting her to understand that this cap is very important to me and making an effort to get it back, and feeling that I might not be able to continue been friends with her because I feel despised about her apparently unwillingness to help? | HISTORICAL | {
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GtuyXtlI0fLqexN4ZTxvziGYLisNys4A | a9n6ow | {
"description": "asking my husband for sex for my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for asking my husband for Sex for my birthday? | Today is my 42nd birthday. My husband and I have been together 5 years, married for 2 today. This has been an ongoing issue with us.
When we first got together we had amazing chemistry and had an amazing amount of sex. However in the past 3 - 3 1/2 years it has dropped to practically nonexistent. Like around once a month or every six weeks.
To put this in context - before we met, my husband was very ‘active’. Although we both have had numerous partners - my husbands body count is probably over 100-150 women. I’m closer to 60ish partners. Again we were both long time, serial daters in our late 30’s who felt we met our match when we got together.
We have open communication, trust and even have fun sexcapades with other women occasionally. We genuinely enjoy each other’s company, laugh and get along - except when it comes to sex.
I feel like I am constantly asking him for sex and getting turned down. It’s never the right time, he’s tired, he’s full, he’s driving, he’s been drinking, the show/game is on, its late, it’s early, etc. My husband does deal with low testosterone issues but has been taking medicine/shots for this issue for years.
To qualify (not to brag) - I am not an unattractive woman. (I would post a photo but I’m using my secondary account for anonymity reasons) Many people think I’m still in my late 20’s, I don’t drink/smoke/do drugs. I take great care of myself and have a fantastic figure. Most people see us together and say we are like the real life Ken and Barbie. I dress stylishly, have a great job, am very affectionate towards him and always go over the top on his birthday.
Every year when his birthday rolls around we jokingly celebrate it for a month. In years past I have taken him on trips, bought bottle service at clubs, tickets to his favorite sporting events etc.
So this year I told him for my birthday I want sex everyday for a month. He and I laughed and agreed. But when I propositioned him on Christmas morning - he told me no, we had to get ready and my birthday isn’t until tomorrow. Fast forward to 3am. I reached for him, gave him a few kisses and said - it’s my birthday - you can’t say no.
His response: for fucks sake, it’s 3am. I don’t even know where to go with this or what to do anymore. I feel like I am stuck in a sexless marriage.
TLDR: my husband agreed to have sex with me everyday for a month as my birthday gift. The first time I asked he told me no. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 8
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TEG7azZngVuCiOhCNXh5Gfr6InmtqsmG | azkak7 | {
"description": "canceling holiday plans with old friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for canceling holiday plans with old friend? | So, a little bit of background info.
When I was 14, I had a friend from Germany (I'm from Denmark, so neighboring countries). We went on vacation together with her mom to a small German island on the west coast. It was nice, and we had a great time.
Over the years we both became very busy with school and stuff, and kinda stopped talking.
A month ago, she contacted me. It's been 4 years, so I was happy to hear from her. We started talking again and such. Three days ago, she asked me if I wanted to go back to the island with her, and remembering how much fun we had last time, I said yes.
After I said yes, she told me that I couldn't stay with her and her mom, and that I would have to stay alone at a hostel, 30 minutes by bus, away from where she is staying. I have Aspergers, which means I like to have things familiar and planned. I'm not very used to traveling, and I have never stayed at a hotel/hostel alone before. This makes me very anxious, which is annoying, because everyone else seems to be able to do it just fine, but not me.
I want to spend time with my friend, but the prospect of staying alone at night in a hostel with strangers makes me anxious. I feel like I'm being too much trouble and picky about the whole thing, and that she will be angry that I said yes at first, but no after she told me I couldn't stay with her. I have told her no before with something similar, which made her very disappointed.
So, would I be the asshole, if I decided to cancel the trip? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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bdXdnIyQKZgJemPel1xOqadaCLEhsjCg | atq5r5 | {
"description": "asking my friend to repay me for his ex-girlfriend's ticket",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I ask my friend to repay me for his ex-girlfriend’s ticket? | A group of my friends go to a music festival every year. Tickets are allocated by ballot. If you win the ballot, you’re entitled to buy 3 tickets.
This year, I won the ballot. As usual, I put out a call asking if anyone wants me to buy them a ticket. My friend said yes, can I please get one for his GF. I’ve only met her once.
I went ahead and bought the ticket, but before they had paid me back, they broke up. She says she’s not going anymore and seems to think neither the ticket nor money are her responsibility.
WIBTA if I asked my friend to pay me back for her ticket? Of course, then the ticket would be his to give to another friend or sell or whatever he wants to do. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
9YY9i5p2V8QjoWSf3PLw8lwY4VDC34Xw | 9wi322 | {
"description": "wanting to go home on time",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting to go home on time? | So I work in a pharmacy in the middle of a big tourist place (for privacy reasons I'd rather not say where exactly). I work mostly weekends where I work from 8:30 to 5. The mornings are usually calm but after 12 people come pouring in at an insane pace.
I work with two other people and we can usually handle the ammount in a good pace. In the pharmacy we get a mix of tourists and regular people who live in the neighbourhood here to get their meds.
On weekends we decided to close up 5-10 min earlier than on our actual closing time. We do this because in the last hour we get a stampede of people coming in trying to get something last minute. Some of it is just single items and other times people come with 3 different prescriptions with each 3 items on it from a different country.
We try out best but as you can expect we can't deal with all of them. Because of this we usually end up finishing around 5:15-5:30 because we're still dealing with customers. Time we don't get paid for BTW.
So we decided to close the door 5-10 min earlier and help whoever is still in the pharmacy (usually there's still 4-6 people at that point). This has helped because we don't have to deal with people who run in at the last minute just to browse around for 15 min (happened to me a few times) and not buy something.
If we see a person is really desperate for his meds we open up quickly to give it to them but if they're Just random tourists there to buy some cough drops or tampons we redirect them to another pharmacy that's still open. Some people get really pissy when we don't open the door at 4:58 which got me thinking:
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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ZXfZU9BQzTchRM7XdSlPsZtta7TKYz6L | apvy07 | {
"description": "trying to get past my parent's strict rules",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for trying to get past my parent's strict rules? | I'm going to try to tell the whole story here, so bear with me:
I have autism, and when I was a lot younger, around 5-12 (I am 17 now, junior in HS), It was a hell of a lot worse than it is now and my parents decided to homeschool me (now my autism is much, much better). I was enrolled in a public homeschool program that met twice a week and I had an aide with me sometimes when I had tics (those aren't a problem now at all). Back then, I also used the internet with no control, playing games in all my spare time and watching youtube whenever I could. I eventually was allowed to install scratch, a drag-&-drop programming language for kids which I LOVED. Eventually, without my parents knowing, I created a scratch forum account and they caught me. I wasn't allowed to use the computer at all for 6 months and from there they monitered my computer usage a ton more. Fast forward to 5th/6th grade and I'm doing online school now. Given the freedom online now, I cheated and my parents caught me when they installed more tracking software on my PC. they made me pay $200 (a TON of money to me then) to retake the course, but this part is understandable. fast forward again to freshman year of HS and I'm finally going to a public school, be it an alternative school with 15 students in the senior class. At this point, most of my symptoms of autism had gone away, save for some barely noticeable tics. I got in trouble that year for abusing the school's network, almost got suspended.
Now at sophomore year, I feel as if my internet usage is finally justified. I have transferred to the larger high school of 1,300 students, and I get pretty meh grades. My parents decide to take away internet, video games, electronics until I get all B's or above in my classes (chemistry was the big one here, only got a C+). I also am not allowed to drive because of these grades. Over the summer, I created an Instagram, Twitter, Google, Soundcloud (I produce music), discord, and reddit account, and ALL of those were HUGE, HUGE offenses in my parents eyes (I had an incident with reddit freshman year that my parents got REALLY, REALLY pissed at). They had always told me "no social media" or "no accounts". Now, a lot of you might say that "I don't need social media" or "it's useless", but to someone my age it means a lot. It allows you to interact with people at your school that you might not know otherwise, break the ice with the girl you like, chat with friends (snapchat, instagram dms) when you want, or just share your opinion, and all this is useful for someone who is somewhat shy like me. They found out and threatened to report me to the police for god knows what and have me suspended at school, killing my chances at a college. They think I should focus on NOTHING but school unless my grades are there. I can only hang out with friends on Mondays (early dismissal), fridays, and saturdays (not school nights). I also want to say that I am extremely lazy when it comes to schoolwork. I have had high test scores that show I should have a 4.0 GPA, but I only have a 3.3 because I don't put a lot of effort into classes like chemistry or english.
Now in the present, just in the beginning of second semester junior year, my grades are raised and my parents are finally going to let me learn how to drive, although the SAT comes first and that's my decision (most of my friends were forced to drive the moment they turned 16 in sophomore year so the parents weren't chauffeurs anymore. Some were also forced to get a job so they can get experience). I also can't get a job because I don't have a 3.5 GPA for the semester, I had a 3.45. I got a phone for the first time halfway through sophomore year, and I have recently created an account on discord (I am HUGE into programming/computer science now and It is likely my career, this is what I use it for), Instagram (I post my graphic design here and follow my friends and favorite music artists), and reddit (I ask for advice here and discuss music). All my friends comment on how strict they are. They haven't caught me yet here, but it's only a matter of time. anyway, AITA for trying to get around their rules, or are they justified?
tl;dr: My parents are strict and I try to get around it.
| HISTORICAL | {
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JpqfYny8IXXXcYEWSrQjGjVrGQdMaZpA | a0pfvk | {
"description": "not sharing popcorn",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not sharing popcorn | So here's is the situation. I made some popcorn on the microwave (just press a buttom and wait 2.5 min). My roomate come towards me and says "did you make popcorn?", I answer: "yes, you can make some for you if you want." And I really mean it, told her where the corn was. I didn't share with her because I was watching netflix and wanted to get back at my room. However, now she is mad at me because I didn't want to share. AITA?
obs: we are both grown ups | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
COTpnicAK3AYuSXbwKYR4d9taRDI3p7i | akqmic | {
"description": "wanting to move out of my Dads house",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to move out of my Dads house | So im 23 and ive been living with my father while going to school. Ive been helping out a lot around the house because he is a single father taking care of 3 kids under 10. He doesnt have much help and isnt truly capable of taking care of them financial so I pull a lot of weight around the house as well.
But living here has been a complete drag and detrimental for my mental health. My mom told me it would be horrible for me to leave my brothers and sister in such a worse off position. Since i hold a lot of financial weight around the house a lot of things wouldnt be provided to those kids like internet lights a house phone for them and less groceries.
I dont want to move out and have my sibilings suffer but i do want to live my own life not stuck with my family. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lgg1rOONh38IlbDUEmQNNmzvnbJPSUvc | arj523 | {
"description": "not paying for supermarket bags",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for not paying for supermarket bags? | So at the local Wally World they recently installed self-checkout machines. I use them maybe 25% of the time to check out. However, this particular store makes you pay money for supermarket bags which I think is dumb. Whenever I'm at the self-checkout and it asks me how many bags I used, I always hit zero because I know it'll charge me the extra five cents or whatever for the bag.
However. Last time I did this, one of my friends chastised me for it saying it was wrong and that I should have paid for the bags. She said the money goes to some charity and that I was effectively stealing from them.
Look, I'm a good boy when it comes to helping our Earth Mother and all that shit. I recycle, I don't throw my trash into the sea, I rinse out empty soup cans, a lot of the electronics I buy are used. Whatever 10 or 15 cents that Walmart takes from me absolutely is not going to pulling bottle caps out of seals' mouths or whatever they say it does. And if I can knock a few nickels off my bill each time, why not? They're the ones who put such an easily exploitable flaw in the system and such menial controlling taxes go against my personal libertarian-leaning beliefs. Refusing to pay for bags is, in part, a form of protest against such menial and overbearing fees. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
8VHyrcmcmuo5BD6PpiZmskdCjMvZb7UA | aiy6du | {
"description": "not wearing my engagement ring",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for not wearing my engagement ring? | I'm in a relationship with my husband since I was 19 and he was 23 (now I'm 35 and married for 6 years). We are not from US so proposals are not really done, however engagement rings are a thing. When we were two broke students in our 20s he gifted me an engagement ring. The rock was very small but I loved it because we were very poor and I wore it until our wedding, then I switched to my wedding band.
Now we are older and I don't wear it anymore.
My husband made a couple of casual comments about it and I avoided the topic. Truth is: now we are in a better place money-wise and so do our peers and acquaintances, the rock is so small compared to everyone else's rings and I am afraid it would reflect poorly on my husband (who is, truth be told, quite cautious with money). So I put the engagement ring in the box and wear instead my family rings with bigger stones.
I don't plan to tell the truth to my husband but I feel like a materialistic bitch nonetheless.
So, AITA for being ashamed of my engagement ring?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
GXjU0YNNGj3ezNP8DXotpTesdbcHljcb | aqb52l | {
"description": "wanting to end a relationship over lack of ambition",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting to end a relationship over lack of ambition? | I hate to say it this way, but my SO \[24M\] of nearly two years and I \[20F\] are of a different caliber of person.
I am very career and future driven as a result of my upbringing, and over the years I've become very focused on planning out and achieving my goals. I have always prioritized my education and improving my self to expand my career prospects.
My SO, raised in a rural town, had very few positive role models and only recently formed some desire for a "better life" after meeting me. I encouraged him to resume his education and form some idea of a career he wanted. Unfortunately, I can't help but feel like he only did this for my approval/at my suggestion.
We both enjoy similar hobbies, and I don't mean to give the impression that I am rigid and uptight -- I have my fair share of laziness and often fail to take substantial action to *achieve* the goals that I form for myself.
He is extremely loving and caring, but seems to prioritize our relationship over everything and just plans to go wherever *I* want to go, doing whatever *I* want to do. It feels like he is entirely dependent on me to exist and I'm worried that it's unhealthy for both of us.
Whenever I meet people who are very driven and ambitious, I can't help but compare my SO to them and wish he was like that, as much as I understand that it's an innate quality and something that he can't help.
WIBTA for ending our relationship because of this, and seeing it as an incompatibility? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
adISwszdVlUynBScWmncHgaK1sZKzHzl | b2aopv | {
"description": "not apologizing when my toddler mistook a stranger for me",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 101
} | AITA for not apologizing when my toddler mistook a stranger for me? | Today I was at the store with my 2 y/o daughter. She's a really good kid , so I rarely have to apologize for something she does or my bad parenting decisions. I often get compliments on how well behaved she is and her calm temperament, but make no mistake, she is still a toddler, so we have our moments.
We are at the checkout line and we are 2nd in line. They're two cashiers next to each other at a counter, so there is a lady in front of me (lady #1) and another lady in front of me (lady #2) , but off to the right a bit, maybe 2 feet away from us. My kid is acting up a little and trying to run off from me in the line, but no one has noticed us and no attention is being drawn. I grab her hand and she giggles a little loudly, as she thinks it's funny, then drops her toy she had in her hand. She gets down to retrieve it, but when she gets up she is very close to lady #2, and in that split second she thought she was me and hugs her legs from behind, her head landing between her legs, right under her butt.
I quickly called out my daughter's name to help her realize,Whoa, that ain't mommy. The look on her face when she realized that she was hugging a stranger was priceless and a funny honest mistake. I'm laughing and herding my daughter back over to me. this lady turns around and she is pissed. She was about 25 and she was giving my daughter a look as if she was a 40 year old slimeball who just grabbed her ass.
I get not all people like kids and I respect that, but I thought she was going to hit my kid with the look she had on her face. She continued to stay turned staring at my daughter with a scowl of hatred. Now I'm already laughing, but I'm a nervous laugher on top it. So when I see this lady acting like she is about to unwind on my kid, the laughing just continues. The lady then glares at me and I cant help myself.. I keep laughing, but I glared right back. I said nothing. Normally I'm a pushover and very easy and quick to apologize for anything and everything, but the fact that she seemed so offended by a kid accidently hugging her, it almost wanted to make me see red. I hugged my daughter and then looked up at this woman who had the most ugly twisted face at this point and I just smiled and raised my eyebrows as to ask if there was a problem here.
This whole thing lasted maybe 15 seconds, but fuck that time lasted forever. Lady #1then turns around and is now just staring at me and my daughter as well, shaking her head a bit in disapproval. That gets me thinking, wow, did I just make a parenting fuck up that I should have apologized for instead of laughing at this woman and her reaction? So was I the asshole in all of this?
Normally i would apologize at the drop of a hat, but the way this lady looked at my daughter with such hatred really just pissed me off badly. What do you guys think? Did mama bear mode get the best of me? I kinda fear I'm the asshole | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 40,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 44,
"WRONG": 101
} | WRONG |
ld9sl4aTLzRgwjSww9FES4xOOxET7UsY | armc1t | {
"description": "wanting to get rid of a desk my nan bought me 3-4 years ago",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to get rid of a desk my nan bought me 3-4 years ago | My nan bought me this desk a few years ago and now i barely ever use it ever as i have a study room now. My room is extremely crowded and i am trying to clear everything out as its really messy, and I want to get rid of things that remind me of my past, and i want a fresh start and my desk was there during really bad times so it just is kinda there and i want to get rid of it to clear my room and my mind. I am also VERY aware i am extremely lucky and i am very grateful i am even fortunate to even have a desk, and i always have been. But she says i am very ungrateful and that she gifted it to me just for me to throw it away as if it is nothing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5OMRJaRKhjPlqV5m80hvUXviiMlPU6PR | a9v2jg | {
"description": "refusing to go all the way with a girl",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for refusing to go all the way with a girl? | Holy shit boys do I got a Christmas story for you!
So for about a week and a half I've been talking to this girl I met on Tinder. We went on a date about three days after we matched and we hit it off pretty well. Got ice cream, went to look at lights, went back to my place, watched a movie, made out, good times. We've been talking daily since and we get along! There's a connection, yay!
Yesterday, we're talking and she's telling me about how shitty her Christmas has been, family issues and all the like. I joked that we could have our own Christmas with Disney movies and pizza rolls and shit (I'm a very romantic person) and she surprisingly was really down to come over. So I got ready, and picked her up from her place.
I'll spare you guys most of the fine details, but we had a few drinks, started watching movies, and things got a bit frisky. Things progressed after a while, and we had our first go at things in my living room. Felt each other up, lots of foreplay-like stuff. A lot of it was rough (we are both really kinky) and it went on for a good hour. I eventually fingered her and got her off a couple of times. Good to know I can still find the right places.
We watched another movie and it was starting to get late (like 2am at this point) and I offered for her to stay the night because I was getting pretty tired and didn't want to go back out in the snow. She agreed, and we moved into my room. This is where things got really fucked up.
She obviously wasn't finished and was still really horny. She reached in my pants and admittedly I got really turned on. She gave me a handjob (and eventually a blowie) and we had both stripped down. More foreplay stuff, and I even ate her out. Well, I know that with most times like this, people expect that on the second date and you're sleeping over, you're probably gonna get laid. But I'm just not comfortable with actual sex so soon. This was apparently an issue because she REALLY wanted it at this point, and I was just not cool with it. I was happy to get her off and stuff, but sex wasn't gonna happen. I told her that. She didn't like that answer.
She got really pouty (in a flirtatious way) and I just had to keep telling her I was cool with everything else, but not actual sex. She actually ended up getting really frustrated, saying "Nobody ever tells me no" and "I don't know if you've seen me, but I can get whoever I want" and from there I just knew shit was going to go downhill. We laid there for a sec, and I offered to take her home. It was just uncomfortable at this point. So we both got dressed and I made the most awkward 20 minute drive of my life. We said maybe 10 words to each other.
I feel really terrible about it and I apologized after I got home. She said a few things like "I'm not sure what made you think by getting me going then shutting me down was okay but it wasn't" and "We flirted over text, you started the whole thing and then told me to get out".
I feel like I'm the asshole because I did initiate and I was down to do sexual stuff, just not... sex. I should've known that was her end goal after we started making out and she got going. I should've told her beforehand I wasn't comfortable with it and not right before. I'm just kind of lost in how I should feel about the entire situation.
# tl;dr - Second date with Tinder girl on Christmas day, some drinks were had, things got frisky, I wanted to stop before sex (after getting her off through fingering/oral) but she really wanted to bang. I shut it down right then and there and took her home. Shame is had. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
iVDFxxxS45Voa7hoDJbz7mihfU6oYMDE | ajdvqs | {
"description": "telling my friends she's not so smart and also implying that she's not a very good friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friends she’s not so smart and also implying that she’s not a very good friend? | I’m in a friend group of 3 at university. We started off doing the same course (business admin) but I later moved to marketing management because it is what I wanted to do initially and one of my lecturers encouraged me to pursue what I actually loved. (Took b.a because parents advised me to)
My 2 friends think what I do is easy “because it’s just theory” and are constantly taking about how hard their course is and how much work it involves. It’s just so silly because we take some of our classes together (I share 2/4 classes with them and they complain about how hard those 2 are as well)!
They are constantly making it sound like am dumb for being a marketing student and until today, I brushed it off.
Yesterday, my friends results were released and each of them failed one subject but passed the rest. I was genuinely happy for them and celebrated with them -even tried to make them feel better about the courses they failed.
Today, mine came through and in my moment of joy I quickly went to message one of them about the good news but I got a response saying “of course you got a clear pass...it’s just theory 😂”. I felt so defeated in that moment because I was truly afraid I was going to fail this semester and I just wanted someone to celebrate with.
I responded by telling my friend that she’s lucky she’s sooo smart (sarcastically) and thats it’s possible for people to fail theory courses too (pointing out that she too was scared for 2/4 of her subjects that we took together). I also said something along the lines of “is it so hard to be happy for your friend”
She replied with laughing emojis and said “ you can fail math courses, yes.. but not theories”
I’m so tired of being treated like am so dumb because they have 1 or 2 courses involving numbers sometimes. I mean so do i! One of the subjects I took and passed in was a math subject but “noooo it’s still marketing”
Am I the asshole for saying what I said to my friend that implied she wasn’t much of a good friend? Or.. am I just being dramatic about the whole thing?
Tl;dr -friends think course I take at uni is easy and say it shouldn’t be so surprising for me to pass my exams because the subjects I take are theory.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Jrt4Sj7MQBGoerGv4REcUTepcT3rnIkl | b8z619 | {
"description": "singling out, embarrassing, and causing a coworker to become ostracized because she misused the it service",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for singling out, embarrassing, and causing a coworker to become ostracized because she misused the IT service | I work as a sysadmin for a medium sized local accounting firm. Last year we had a security breach due to someones incompetence that shut the servers down. People got fired and the higher up's have made us secure the servers in every way, including installing remote viewing software on every work station and locking them down.
​
Enter Pam.
​
She's a 50 year old woman who is very technological illiterate. Since the installation of these new policies Pam has been a pain to deal with. For the past 3 months on an almost daily basis we have gotten tickets from her for the most mundane of things. The point of the remote viewing software is so that when stuff comes up we can deal with it remotely but Pam refuses to cooperate with us. She demands that someone (most of the time me) come and deal with it directly. This takes up to an hour of my day as I have to deal with her and her constant "problems".
​
These problems consist of her not being able to watch netflix because it's blocked under the new rules or things like she does not want to have to enter her employee id in when connecting to the printer. This isn't even the worst part. Every time Pam calls one of us down, it always ends with her insisting that we're doing our jobs "wrong" and we need to change what ever is bothering her.
​
Over the past week though, my boss noticed the amount of tickets coming from her department and the amount of time spent down there. I explained to them the issue without naming anyone. She told me that she needs us doing our jobs and not wasting time down there so they will most likely change the policy so we only answer tickets that are "important". From what is sounded like, she mean only things that need to dealt with NOW.
​
On Monday it was all but confirmed that this change will go into effect. Well, that same day I had to go help Pam again after she sent in 3 tickets claiming she couldn't work due to an issue. This issue was she wanted me to unblock facebook. I already was already having kind of a bad day so me telling her no broke down into a small argument in which she told me that I was incompetent and that the policies "I" put in place were stupid. I proceeded to walk out with out saying a word and made an announcement to her department.
​
I told them of the policy change being put into effect. That if they had problems we would not be able to deal with them immediately anymore due to "the blatant abuse" by some employees. Most of these people people are older and need help from time to time from us so this did not go over well and most knew it was Pam's fault.
​
My coworkers and boss said I didn't do anything wrong and only announced a new policy and why it was put in effect. From what i've heard though Pam's department despise her right now and she's become somewhat of an outcast in the 48 hours since.
​
I feel kinda bad to be honest Did I go overboard? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 13,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HXLvEbEs8kiBzkggGlybt1OJUJi86znH | aodo2k | {
"description": "not wanting my cousin's shitty presents",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not wanting my cousin's shitty presents? | My cousin gave me some presents in the mail last Christmas, and first I thought, "Cool, gifts." Now mind you, we haven't been in contact for ages. Our parents only recently started talking to each other more frequently. When I got the gifts, I was a bit disappointed. Some assorted Lego pieces, a hand-me-down bag, and some drawings, with letters on them. you might wonder if a kid sent me these things, but no. My cousin was a high school senior (age 17) the time he sent me these presents, and could have probably put a bit more effort. Like maybe asking me beforehand what I was into or what I might like. The drawings he sent me weren't even good, he wasn't that much of an artist. I've never confronted him about this, I just wanted to ask if my stance was asshole-ish. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
IxZdAGmKCr8oEFrUqtP2DsXGg17juJeW | a5yx86 | {
"description": "cutting things off with a guy for shallow reasons",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for cutting things off with a guy for shallow reasons? | So I (29F) matched with a guy on Bumble (30M) last night and after messaging on the app gave him my number so we could text. We messaged for a bit this morning when he disclosed that he is missing his 4 front teeth (says he had a filling fall out) and plans to get this fixed next month. I told him that I’d prefer to meet after his teeth were fixed and he responded that I was shallow and he would still be the same person regardless. I just know that I could not look past the missing teeth if we were to meet so I did not respond to his message. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
lTtekleKXyhSAR7bX6EDQDtHGn4I6BnL | b7ekye | {
"description": "telling my husband I'd sleep with him more if he kept his haircut",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for telling my husband I'd sleep with him more if he kept his haircut? | Am I (23F) the asshole for telling my husband (27M) that if he could maintain his haircut, he "would get laid a lot more"?
He used to take very good care of himself and he was very attractive when we first met. As we've been married, had kids, and life has happened, he's stopped putting effort into himself. He has depression and bipolar, so he tends to not take care of his appearance very well or put any effort into how he looks. He will go months without a haircut or a shave. I've tried to coax him toward styling his hair or trimming his beard into different styles to help him feel better about himself and to help me feel more attracted to him.
He always complains we don't have sex enough (maybe twice a week). It's not for lack of trying on my part. He vents his stress and anger at me rather than finding a good coping mechanism by being cranky and snapping at me over little things. It's miserable to come home to after working all day to support him and our two kids. I've told him this many times and he says he's working on it in therapy and to be patient. I am patient, I haven't left or given him an ultimatum, but it really makes sex with him unappealing to me. I try to be affectionate to help, but he is always "busy" with something. I've given up.
Yesterday, though, he got his ears pierced, trimmed up his beard into a nice goatee, and today he got a nice haircut. I was attracted to him so much I couldn't stop staring at him at the grocery store. I told him when we got home if he could maintain the way he looked right now, that he "would get laid a whole lot more" than he does now. He got mad and said I shouldn't be having sex with him based on how he looks.
I think my feelings toward it are that a husband would be more attracted to his wife is she's wearing lingerie or puts effort into her makeup and hair. I didn't feel it was out of line, but he's upset. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
P5wQRbBhSceYi9s0meR30CSX4OvPsAk8 | b8uwxm | {
"description": "pointing out the dick joke in Spider-Man and making a joke about it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for pointing out the dick joke in Spider-Man and making a joke about it? | In science we were watching a clip from Spider-Man. In the movie clip Peter looks down and responds to Uncle Ben's question by saying,"big changes." I responded by sarcastically saying "is he gonna grab a ruler?" My science teacher told the class that if you have to use a ruler to validate yourself you are insecure. A couple of people started to believe that I was gay and insecure for what I said. As I'm trying to explain the joke to my friend, another student from across the room started yelling that I was gay and was asking him out on a date. I ask him to stop. He keeps on going. I was going to punch him, but decided that leaving the classroom to calm down was a better solution. I told my elbow partner that I was gonna go calm down in the bathroom and tell our science teacher where I was and why I was there.
A couple of minutes later the student who started calling me gay came into the bathroom to "apologize." I told him I don't believe it because the last time he said something like this he promised me and SCHOOL STAFF that it would never happen again.( while going over the civil war he started calling me a slave even after being asked multiple times to stop) By the time we started talking a campus monitor got us out the bathroom and started asking us what happened.
I start to explain what went down and he completely cuts me off after I mention the ruler part. The campus monitor starts telling me that I should be EXPELLED FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT. I asked him how is my comment sexual harassment when the joke is not directed to anyone.(he still never explained why it was sexual harassment) My science teacher had us talk it out in her science room during her prep period.
At this point the only thing she knew was that someone said "is he going to grab a ruler" and that I left the classroom. I try to explain to her and the campus monitor starts trying to tell her that I should be "thrown out of the school for what I said " and that she doesn't need to know. She eventually convinced him that she can handle it with out his help. After I explained myself she made a note to talk to the other kids parents. (The Campus monitor completely ignored what we said between each other and let him leave. She didn't call mine or punish me because I explained and apologized for the ruler joke and for walking out) I understand that the joke was inappropriate and I took things a little out of proportion. My question now is AITA for making a joke and somewhat arguing with a campus monitor over it? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
uG6pSGwKel0UaE79ZceC3vx8eyKyAtFV | atjf7t | {
"description": "telling my MIL to stop inviting herself to special occasions",
"pronormative_score": 78,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I told my MIL to stop inviting herself to special occasions? | Just wondering if this is normal or maybe I am over thinking things. So my mother in law and my husband have a very odd relationship. She was abusive when he was a child but he has since forgiven her and tried to move past it. She acknowledges that she favored her other children over my husband and she often took her anger out on him. She beat him and was just a generally unloving presence in his life. Because of this my husband is very protective of our 2 year old daughter. My MIL has never been allowed to babysit her. This is not our of malicious intent, we just don't fill comfortable leaving her alone with my MIL for long periods of time. But we do visit often and have stayed at her house overnight.
Lately MIL has taken to showing up at our apartment on special occasions and basically staying for hours. I think she believes that we will take advantage of her being there and go out on a date or something and let her watch our daughter. Last year she showed up on my birthday, our anniversary and on mothers day (we spent the entire day before mothers day with her and expressed that we were going to spend mothers day at home with just the 3 of us. She received cards, flowers, and we treated her to dinner so it's not like we were trying to exclude her). It completely ruined the mood and several plans that we had, especially on our anniversary.
My birthday was on Wednesday. I don't like doing things for myself so my plan was to take our daughter to jump zone (a play area filled with bouncy houses) and then out to eat. My MIL texted me that she was in the area and would be stopping by. She didn't give a time frame and didn't acknowledge my birthday at all, even though I know she knew about it.
I was frustrated and told her we had plans to go out. We were coming to visit her this weekend, maybe we could just hold off until then. She seemed upset and then stopped replying. We were convinced she was just going to come by anyway (which she has done before) so we ended up cutting our activities short.
Is this normal behavior? Our anniversary is in May and I really don't want her intruding. Last year, she brought a card and flowers which was really sweet but she insulted my dress, we had to cancel our dinner plans and she ended up staying for hours and demanding things. Would I be the asshole if i stressed that special occasions are for immediate family only, especially our anniversary? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 78,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 78,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
3Zk0YxaB3cc5hDJYlkOJyLUVb9PYoPhr | aqwvxg | {
"description": "not carrying around painkillers",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not carrying around painkillers? | This may seem like a very weird question since no one has actively called me out, but I have this nagging feeling that my friends might be judging me.
I am a girl who menstruates, and each month when it happens i get hit with an insane amount of pain, which is why I usually carry around prescription painkillers to dull the pain. Of course it happens from time to time that I either forgot them, or I feel ill for other reasons, and my friends are always true troopers and and offer me some of theirs if they have any, even though it doesn’t help as much as my normal ones. Of course it also happens that they sometime forget their own, but I always have to decline when they ask me if I have any, since I’m only carrying around my prescription ones.
I feel like most girls carry around normal painkillers all the time, and are always ready to hand them out to a girl, or anyone, in need, so I feel like an asshole for being that one girl that takes but never gives, but at the same time it feels useless to carry around painkillers that I don’t even use myself, just for the sake of giving them out to others. AITA?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
Gc661DSVOWfoVJSYXcwmw5jYNOxh4t9f | 9wjht4 | {
"description": "not cleaning up my girlfriend's vomit",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not cleaning up my girlfriend's vomit? | So basically my girlfriend is on her period and her body is very sensitive. She ate a bunch of food throughout the day and none of it ended up digesting so come around 12am she has a rock of food and drink sitting in her stomach. She ends up getting out of bed to head to the restroom because she thought she had to take a dump, but she ended up vomiting all over the floor and on herself. I saw the whole thing it was awful and smelled absolutely terrible, I should also say now at this point I have a terrible phobia of "watery food" AKA vomit or old food that people let mix with their water in the sink. I ended up getting her into the shower and she cleaned herself off. I told her outright that I would not be able to clean up the vomit for her.(She knows about my phobia) She ended up cleaning it in the end once she felt better. Now she is mad at me for not taking care of her when she was sick, I did everything else I could to make the experience less challenging. I will also follow up by saying that I have been prone to being sick my whole life and throw up at least once a week due to my weak stomach and since childhood have always cleaned it up myself and never expected someone else to do it. Basically just want to know if I'm an asshole.
Sorry for the slightly drug on post and my awful formatting.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
x3v4My3hIAqbqi6JOi0RuBZfxPdujduf | b5eydd | {
"description": "blowing up on my co-worker",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for blowing up on my co-worker? | Sharing from my wife's account.
Here goes...
I work in a high volume steakhouse as a broil cook. I have this co-worker with a bit of an authority complex. He has been working there for 4 years and broiling for 3 and is honestly pretty good at his job, the issue is he has passive aggressive tendencies.
So, last night (Sunday) we had a particularly busy night as the northern winter is finally breaking and we are seeing warmer temperatures. The other broiler and I were both working double shifts, him early out and I closing. I guess he was having a bad day before I got there because as soon as I walked in he made a passive aggressive statement about the close the night prior and stated my grill "looked like shit" with a smug smile. (Each night our stations are checked by a kitchen manager before we are allowed to leave.) I ignored him and carried on with my day. When he couldn't get a rise out of me his comments became more and more out of line with a defensive "I was joking" at the end of each statement. Eventually he moved onto another employee and so on. Near the end of the night he had decided to "prank" another employee and proceeded to throw a hot set of grill tongs at him and clipped his bare elbow, not a serious burn but enough to hurt and leave a mark. When the obviously angry employee piped up about it all hell broke loose and broil cook took a defensive stance and all three of us that had been dealing with him calmly confronted him about it and again he got defensive. This was when I blew up. I have been grilling pretty much exclusively with him for the past 3 months. I go out of my way to make his job easier because he's easily frustrated and I like a happy work environment. I let go on him with 3 months worth of anger. Lots of yelling. At this point he decided to put his hands up. No hits were thrown but I made it known if he swung they would be.(I am a recovered rageaholic and don't like fighting) Eventually a manager stepped in and took me aside and assured me I had done all I could to diffuse the situation before it got to that point but I still don't feel right. I feel guilty about it and I hate fights. could I have handled it better?
So, AITA for finally blowing up and not pandering to his bad behavior anymore?
Note: Not looking for validation just honestly want to know.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
YbHVvGZnBgfaMW2f0BGiIRu0iAiUuLvl | afktxj | {
"description": "not wanting to help my disabled roommate",
"pronormative_score": 97,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not wanting to help my disabled roommate? | We live in a 2bd2ba and there’s four of us. Now don’t get me wrong with the title, I really like my roommate. He’s a cool dude, we have a lot in common. We like the same shows and sports and it’s always a chill time to hang with him.
He’s disabled from the waist down because of his disability but his parents hired a full time caretaker for him but he’s so adamant on them being a student even though that’s where the problem comes into place. We’re in college so being busy at random times happens all the time.
He lets his caretaker know that their job is to take care of him basically in the morning and at the evening before bed but doesn’t really says he needs help throughout the day which is not true?? He needs to pee and eat??
That’s where I come in. As a friend I do not mind helping him use the bathroom sometimes or make him food but I feel like I can’t relax in my apartment because it just feels like he’s waiting on me to do things for him. He’s also very demanding to my girlfriend. Whenever she comes over, he’ll boss her around and have her do things for him. And it’s frustrating to see because she’s too nice to say no but I feel bad.
Last month during my girlfriends and mine anniversary he purposely told his caretaker to leave him in bed because his caretaker had to go to their part time job. He then asked me to dress him and take him to the bathroom as I was getting ready to go out. He was aware that we had our anniversary that day I have been planning it for weeks and he just didn’t seem to think it mattered that I have to add his routine into my day.
I’m just so stressed about being at home because I just don’t want him to ask me to do things for him because I feel like they happen daily and he has a caretaker and he just lets his caretaker do whatever they want. While he gets to fill in that time with me if they’re not there.
He’s a cool dude. I like him. But I’m not his caretaker and I feel like my friendship should not have to extend to brushing his hair and taking him to the bathroom every day.
TL;DR my roommate lets his caretaker do whatever he wants and makes me pick up the slack.
AITA for not wanting to help him?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 97,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 97,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
AmJiCgP40LnhUxvbA20irUCenKSPS2Fl | axbgra | {
"description": "threatening to have my neighbors dog put down",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For threatening to have my neighbors dog put down? | This one is gonna require some context. I have two very small, very excitable dogs, I love them, I care for them, and I walk them 3 times a day, but they must be kept on leash because they are both excitable and they don't get along well with other dogs, I've done dog training, and I do my best to make sure they don't attack others.
So it really angers me that there are like 5 people around my block who have much larger, much more aggressive dogs, and refuse to use a leash.
​
This morning was the last straw, their dog was out on an open yard (no fencing, no shrubbery just an open yard) and it bounded at me and my dogs the moment it saw us, growling and barking. I stepped in front of it, to protect my dogs, and yelled at it. The dog did not stop until it's owner had to tackle it to the ground.
I told the owner that if they didn't keep the dog on the leash the next time this happened I would be calling the RCMP and having it put down. My hope is that they put the dog on a leash and it's a threat I never have to go through with, but with how many times this has happened I'm starting to think that it's something I am just gonna have to do the next time their dog runs at me.
​
She said it's her property (but again it has no fencing, nothing to protect the dog from running into the street, or at people walking on the sidewalk) This person is also my neighbor so it's not like I can just walk my dog a different street they live basically next door to me.
​
Am I the asshole for wanting to protect myself and the dogs? I don't blame their dog, I blame the owner, and I don't want to do this, but i'm nervous to walk my dogs down my own street. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
Xxxr7q1LSOLDlb5JRmbXA1YEFWXQz9Pt | akt48m | {
"description": "singing a song with the \"n word\" in it, despite changing the word itself",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For singing a song with the "N word" in it, despite changing the word itself? | Im an amateur guitarist and singer who focuses on "outlaw country" songs. I routinely sing Merle Haggard, Hank Williams Jr, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, and David Allen Coe .
Even if you hate country (which most of reddit does i know) youd know DAC from "Take this job and shove it" which he wrote. I hate commercial country pop but i have a deep affinity for outlaw country as it provides a great insight into the poor american white and their culture.
It also tackles issues like poverty, race relations ( not always in the way you might think ), alcoholism, drug use, abuse, crime, ect. I like to think it was like rap before rap in how subversive it is ( Johnny cash singing about killing a woman and fleeing to mexico in cocaine blues comes to mind).
Anyway, one beautiful song by DAC is "If that aint country"
https://youtu.be/OhEHB0a7Uyg
At around 1:39 DAC drops the N bomb in the context of them working under harsh conditions. Its difficult for people to fathom but i dont think theres racial malice, hes been known to write songs mocking racists as satire.
Anyway this song is beautiful to me so I was singing it to some coworkers on a lunch break. They enjoy my playing and ask me to frequently play some of their favorites but this just came to me.
When i reached the N bomb i censored it as "Working like Enugu for my room and board", off the top of my head. I just invented a character basically.
The two blacks guys there laughed at it but a white coworker took me aside after the fact and said i shouldnt drop n words in public. My reply is that i didnt but i apologize because im a go along get along kinda guy. But i was sort of miffed at the way ge came across like i was some kkk member instead of looking at the entire context. Am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wnsxkSAcvyY97mfaHmzIpwRX9x28D58b | b0t4bg | {
"description": "hating my birthday because I got barely anything",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hating my birthday because I got barely anything? | The other day it was my birthday, all I (17M) got from anyone was a cheap last second present which was a plastic bracelet from my Mom. What really makes me hate my birthday the most is that my twin brother got a car and when I questioned it all I got told to not be ungrateful. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XNsT6bXjhNh6tiZ3fNlu2CjTuTZ88ma2 | av78jm | {
"description": "not wanting to help my husbands abusive family",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to help my husbands abusive family? | Okay, so some background info
​
My husband and I have been together for 7 years. I quickly learned that he has a physically and verbally abusive father and a mother who doesn't think there is anything wrong with the dads behavior. I have been personally called a dumb ass by him just for having a different political opinion, he is super racist and throws legit tantrums when he doesn't get his way. My husband is currently seeing a therapist to deal with trauma from his childhood.
​
About a year ago my husband's dad lost control and threw a glass at mom and busted her lip and messed up her teeth. They both made excuses, dad broke a restraining order and mom said the glass just hit her the wrong way. (wtf no one should be throwing glasses at your face). My husband's older sister behaves a lot like the father and she cursed me out twice during this whole ordeal. After this incident we started to only see them with other family and usually at a restaurant. We have had many crisis situations in the past seven years.
​
Fast forward to today:
​
Husband finds out that his older sister has gallbladder cancer. Which really sucks and I don't wish it on anyone. However, my Husband tells me that we have to drop everything for a week on the 11th of March to babysit his younger sister because everyone is going to help with the surgery. This is the second time that we have been told, NOT ASKED to drop everything to watch his sister who is almost a senior in high school.
​
Am I the asshole for not wanting to support his family in any way because they cont. to be abusive narcissistic people?
The trauma they have caused has barely been addressed and the toll its taken on my husband and our relationship has been hard.
​
I donno if any of this makes sense, but any feedback would be greatly appreciated. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VN6udqAyyJZy8VZfGhWqYsNOnF0uhNQh | aygh50 | {
"description": "wanting to drink Alcohol",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA If I (20F) Want to Drink Alcohol? | So I am turning 21 soon and I drank two times while underage, (don't call the police). The very first time was with my bf (20M) and a group of friends at a friend's house. I took two shots of vodka, ( I know, only two shots lol), and was pretty much out after that. I remember everything, I was just more clumsy that usual and very giggly.
Fast forward to about 6-7 months later. My bf and I were watching Netflix late one night and we decide to go get some food from the kitchen. As we grabbed the food, he poured a cup of some really strong vodka, (about 140 proof), and told me that I was going to drink it. I was ok with it because I was curious about the taste. We went back to the room and I drank about half of the cup.
To no one's surprise, I became extremely giggly and clumsy. Nothing extreme, I just giggled a lot while watching Devilman Crybaby. But, after a few minutes, my bf got tired of it. According to him, it was like taking care of a child. I needed help walking to the bathroom relationshipd me annoying. I don't blame him for calling me annoying; I had an emotional cry after telling him my insecurities. But, I don't think it warranted the harsh behavior he shown me. I don't remember much, just the fact that he went through my phone and deleted memberships that I had and that he was extremely upset that he had to deal with me.
When we went to bed, I kissed him and told him that I loved him. As I turned around, I heard him say 'f****** disgusting'. I was hurt. I wasn't a terrible drunk, its not like I threw up on him. I was upset until the next morning. I thought I got over it but i saw a text from him telling me what happened. It ended with a text saying that if I drink again, he'll break up with me.
Fast forward to today. I turn 21 in two weeks. I don't plan on being an alcoholic but I do want to try some of the fruitier drinks. But, I don't want to mess up our relationship, even though I didn't really do anything wrong.
So am I the asshole for wanting to drink even though my bf will break up with me if I do.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aHtH5sU8IcJ49n7WYeJc9oUxBUCW48ZU | apk5bu | {
"description": "demanding my apartment complex use dog-friendly de-icer",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I demand my apartment complex use dog-friendly de-icer? | Mobile user here. First time poster.
I live in a city where housing costs are really expensive compared to the rest of the state and I have to stay in this town because I’m attending the university here. I (19F) live with my boyfriend (20M) and our puppy and we jumped on the chance to get this apartment because there are so few dog friendly places to live in the area that college students can afford.
We’ve lived here now about 10 months and everything’s been great until recently. My puppy, a nine month old Boston terrier, loves to go on walks around the complex and stop by at the office to say hello to the employees. They all love my dog and they’ve been nothing but friendly to the three of us until this morning.
Where I live, it snows a lot and gets very cold. They use magnesium-chloride to melt the ice on sidewalks. This has caused chemical burns on my dog’s paws and the skin started falling off. This causes her pain and makes it hard to go on walks. Before anybody says, “Just buy the little dog shoes,” we tried to put them on her and she despises them and there’s no way she will walk in them.
Today, I talked to the apartment employees as I do every morning and mentioned very casually and in a friendly, non-accusing manner after she asked how the dog was that my dog had burns on her feet and we suspected it was due to the de-icer. She responded with, “Our de-icer is definitely not dog friendly and we won’t be doing anything about that.”
I plan to talk to other dog owners in the complex and ask if they’re having similar issues. I just want dogs to be safe and feel that if they’re advertising their apartments as pet-friendly they should actually be pet-friendly.
I feel bad because these people are very nice and it seems dumb to get on their bad side as I’ll have to be here at least another couple of years until I graduate. So, WIBTA if I assume a more forward and aggressive strategy to deal with this?
TLDR; My apartment complex uses an ice melter that chemically burns my dog’s paws. I am worried that I am overreacting and burning bridges if I confront them expecting a change in what product they use on the sidewalks. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
r2wmkvN3zsuPHQLf575ygKkGVqUBDdQ9 | b1bkz9 | {
"description": "ignoring the friend who slapped me out of a crisis",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for ignoring the friend who slapped me out of a crisis? | So a couple of days ago I was feeling very low and told a friend, whom I'm usually seek for confort or guidance. He knows how I spiral in negative toughts to panic attacks and irrational behaviour.
At first he told me it was ok, that he would help me with some assigments I have (since that's the only problem I have that he can help with, also the trigger for my crisis wasn't the assignments), and tried to calm me. I kept on saying how tired I was and that nothing was worth this pain and other pessimist things, so he snapped and started yelling to stop and be responsible for my problems "many which I've caused because I'm irresponsible and a coward" he said. Also that he didn't care about my problems and to start acting as an adult (I'm 23 with no family, so yeah I'm an adult).
I started crying and left. I felt so tiny and stupid being scollded like that but mostly hurt, because I needed my friend.
He never had talked to me like that in the 4 years I've been deppressed, never. So this really caught off guard.
Later he texted me that he cared more about what I can do with my problems, laughed it off and told me if I didn't want to solve it, he would still keep listening to me. No apology or anything alike.
There's were I understood his reaction was like when you try to make someone come into sense by slapping him. I logically get it, but still it hurted too much since I see him as the only person who undertands me (he went through his own hell of a deppression).
I ignored the text and he kept asking if I was okay, to at least give signs of life. Just replied 'idk' to the 'you okay?' text
He kept on texting but I'm really not prepared to talk to him. I'm still hurt and actually thinking of cutting him off completely.
So, given that I understand now that he was trying to help, even in that cruel manner and that he actually is showing that he cares about me, AITA for ignoring him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
7bQFh67h1WCqqv4fGB6K35z2CowTOinX | aolhdu | {
"description": "not wanting my SO's parents to bring him to dinner tonight",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my SO's parents to bring him to dinner tonight? | I know the title sounds harsh but here me out. Me and my SO are both in our 20s and he's 13. Tonight me, my SO have plans to go out to dinner with her parents. The problem is they want to bring her brother along. I'd be fine with this except he's a disrespectful little brat. I'm tattooed from my left wrist to my shoulder. And the brother has a major problem with tattoos for some reason and spent all of the last dinner we took him to shitting on me for having them. And Everytime I tried to tell him to knock it off my SOs parents would give me the dirtiest look imaginable. So am I the asshole for wanting them not to bring him?
TLDR: me and my so are going to dinner with her parents, her parents want to bring her brother who is wildly hateful to me. So I asked them not to bring him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TnxYmFgjpKUXNH3l2Jj2Dp2pQB93PiQl | 9yd2al | {
"description": "asking a subway performer to stop singing",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking a subway performer to stop singing? | This guy was singing very very loud and very very badly, he wasnt aware of his lack of talent and really believed he was hitting every note. I could tell because he was doing it very pasionately which made they whole experiencie worst. He was also playing an acoustic guitar just as loud and was and overall a terrible performance.
​
The train was packed. He was "greeting" everyone at the doors and i was standing in front of the seats somewhere in the middle with a headache and a very shitty day behind me. I could see him, yelling with his eyes closed. I endured 1 whole song. I thought He'd stop but he kept going with a Creedence song. I was not in the mood for a bad Creedence cover.
​
So I stared at him until we locked eyes and I started to move my lips slowly and as clearly as i could so he could undertand my mimiquing "Stop, please. please, just stop"
​
He opened his eyes like to big plates in awe. like he was really shocked that someone wasnt digging being unable to hear their own thoughts, He kept going tho, i turned around and started laughing in frustation and he laughed too. when the song ended he said "well, now im gonna play something calmer, for the girl over there that doesnt like my music" I turned to face him again and I answered him quite loudly "you are being too loud, there's no need to play THAT LOUD AND ANNOY PEOPLE"
​
He answered "well you can always go to another car" and that made me furious. "where im i supposed to go? theres no place to move, we are all your hostages and you are forcing all of us to listen to you"
​
He laughed again in disbelieve and started to play a cheesy ballad but a lot quieter this time. I just stared at him shaking my head until I got out the train.
​
I have no problem with street performers as long I have a choice to partipate or not in the performance. i think it is very rude to start singing or whatever in front of people that didnt ask for it. its the same when people listen to their music on their phones without headphones. Why do we all have to listen as well? i dont want to listen to your music, actually i think performers are worst because they expect you give them money for a service you didnt even require and its not even a service....
​
I believe in the motto "do not inconvenience others" specially in public places, so it really boils my blood when i just want some peace and quite and travel without suffering. and the "He's just trying to make a living" its not enough reason to have people hostage. He can go to a park or stay in the platform where we have the choice to engage or not
​
​
Tl;dr I told a very loud street musician in the subway to stop playing because he was being annoying.
​
My friend told me I'm this close to turn into a crazy old lady, so, IATA? | HISTORICAL | {
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q9M9CVuI4yutEws7yrp8qcEJvEcVxTvg | a66ras | {
"description": "asking my brother for money after not paying rent",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my brother for money after not paying rent? | I was staying with my brother in Manhattan for about two months. He has a roommate but during the time I was staying there his roommate was in California and hadn't moved in yet.
So i ended up paying for groceries, food when we went out, drinks, uber, just about everything. I also gave him a loan of some money. He told me that he would pay me back and not to worry about it.
I'm assuming that my brother wasn't paying any of the rent and that his roommate in California was paying it all, but i'm not for sure. He never asked for any rent and I never thought to pay it, since I was picking up the tab on everything else.
It's been 2 months since then and he hasn't paid me back yet, Iv'e asked a few times and he's said he cant send me any money right now. I haven't asked again because I don't want it to become a big thing. But I am low on cash right now and could use the money he owes me. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
s5RYOeWiRcaPL78DKfcSJ2PNp0VUby1X | 9x0jqz | {
"description": "not wanting to do the post Christmas cleaning after I do all the cooking",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to do the post Christmas cleaning after I do all the cooking? | Every year we have my aunts and my brothers family over for Christmas (eve, day, new years etc)
My family sets everything up. Does all the prep and cooking.
My wife and I also inevitably wind up baby sitting my brothers kids since - their idea of 'watching them' involves looking at their phones and saying 'ouuu, that's quite the mess you've got there'
They don't even bring their dirty dishes to the dishwasher -
Am i the asshole for saying 'not this year' keeping their dirty dishes out and serveing the next days meal on them? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
o42l5Jpk9PBCVeGfQWguibkIuOwVsG53 | 9w55o8 | {
"description": "being petty with my teacher",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being petty with my teacher? | AITA for being fairly petty with my teacher? This teacher was a history teacher at a school I no longer go too. One day I walked into class like normal, and she started talking about how we were gonna start a new unit today, WW2. There was also a parent of another student in the room, I think the kid had bad grades or something, I don’t remember.
Anyways, she said, and I quote, “WW2 is my favorite war.” That seemed really stupid to me, so without thinking, I blurted out, “What was your favorite part of the war, the part where 60 million people died?” She then went really quiet and pale-faced. The other kids in the room started to laugh, and I don’t remember what the parent looked like but I don’t think she was laughing.
The teacher didn’t really say anything about it and just went on with the class. She then e-mailed my coach, I was on the soccer team, and called me a smartass. I was benched for the next game and my coach wasn’t happy. I got super pissed at the teacher. She also said that the parent told her after the class that I was super disruptive and rude.
I also talked a lot in that class and interrupted a lot, and the teacher had e-mailed my mom beforehand, and the teacher really didn’t like me.
I’m not asking if I was an asshole in that class in general, because I know I was. I was a little shithead in that class, I’ll admit it, I’m just asking if I was the asshole this one time | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
6KPYxfVR69aoJuus9mxnPXw5JGBKglrp | azvwp1 | {
"description": "keeping trying to be less stressed",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA if I keep trying to be less stressed ? | So, I can’t handle stress or stressful situations well. I’m supposed to be my tiny nephews full time sitter, which I agreed to. I’m also a full time student in college.
My tiny nephew has autism as well so my Anxiety goes up when he does stupid stuff like trying to climb the fridge or jumping from the stairs.
I’ve also been not really well. Around this time I get really sick...like bedridden chicken noodle soup. For the last few weeks I’ve been off n on sick with coughing n throwing up. This past few weeks I’ve been feeling really bad and feel like I’m going to throw up all the time. So I usually tell my sis ‘n’ law that I can’t sit for about 2-3 days cause it usually takes 2-3 days to feel better.
Though today I also told her due to school being stressful and sitting my tiny nephew is just as stressful I don’t think I can still be his full time. I’m still willing to sit but instead of everyday it’s like 2 days per week. Granted I sent all that by text ‘cause besides social anxiety I also have a hard time actually speaking my mind. But right now I feel like a buttface cause I promised and even assured her I can do this but I can’t.
My anxiety is so bad that I get physically sick on my bus ride home. It’s not motion sickness cause any other bus ride I feel fine. It’s always after school.
Anywho thx for reading I kinda know I’m gonna be labeled a buttface. But kinda want other peeps opinion. | HISTORICAL | {
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zPHT2b72zv5y1XlekXwYkCSCAvvw47AM | azd02v | {
"description": "asking my friends to pay me to play my board games",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA for asking my friends to pay me to play my board games? | Title doesn’t explain the situation fully. Me and a group of friends get together every so often and play board games together of which I am one of the sole providers (of games that is). I feel I have poured hundreds of dollars into these games but they get mistreated by some of the players which I can understand to a degree. Now onto the WIBTA. Would asking my friends for 15 dollars to play a new “legacy” game I purchased make me an asshole? Legacy board games have to be played with the same people who are committed and after the campaign is over it cannot be replayed the same way. Would just like to recoup some of the money spent on the game to reinvest into a future legacy game for the group. But I’m getting a bit of backlash from some. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
Te6FQw388m6chOlodCt5ycrkvNqVtTSO | aol9hk | {
"description": "expecting more to be done at home while I am at work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA-For expecting more to be done at home while I am at work | I (27F) work full time and my partner (34F) stays at home. No kids. Several animals though. My partner and I are both disabled in different ways. She just can't maintain working on a regular basis and is on short term disability while working on a long term disability plan. She also has moderate OCD, so the cleaning is always done.
​
Her average days she may struggle with being fatigued and body sore. Some days are bad and I don't ever expect things to be done. But I would like dinner to have a bit of effort in it, not taking a frozen chicken breast out and over cooking it into another realm. Or doing chores while I am at work rather than wait until I am home and get obligated dirty looks if I don't immediately stop what I am doing to help her. She spends her day watching movies and documentaries and on the phone with her sisters.
​
She cleans so much that it is actually a source of many fights. For the excessive anger, god forbid I drop a crumb on the floor or the dogs shed a hair. She will not get help for it, and the cost of cleaning supplies is getting to be too much.
​
I do ALL errands outside of the house, groceries, shoveling, get the mail, pick up meds, etc etc. I am also disabled but am high functioning. I feel like my needs have been very under met and I want to bring this up but I feel like I maybe am asking for too much.
​
She has an expectation that if I am running an errand, I have to pick her up first and then go do the errand. So she can 'get outside more'. This adds a minimum of an hour of driving onto my day at least. But she will refuse to bus anywhere to meet me or go outside the house to do anything. She will go visit her sisters though. I have suggested volunteering, meeting new people, group therapies, any therapy.
​
Even when I get home from work for the day, I barely have time to sit. I look after the dogs and her cat. I make sure things around the house are done that she didn't do, and I help cook when I can.
​
TLDR: I work full time and my stay at home partner does minimal work at home and leaves errands for me to do. | HISTORICAL | {
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ReIZl895hApRXK8bkLdiFhU3VvPLSYJa | ae3pri | {
"description": "waiting on kids until my SO loses weight",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for waiting on kids until my SO loses weight? | SO is overweight. Probably by about 100 lbs. I've talked to her about it and I encourage and participate In tracking calories with her. We've put it aside for a bit as there was a death in her family and Christmas but it's something I think about whenever she brings up kids.
I love her, I'm attracted to her, and shes literally the kindest and sweetest person I've ever met. Honestly she deserves better than me but she somehow loves my dumbass too.
But her weight is an issue. I tend to even get frustrated because she has ankle issues because she trips all the time and I know it could be relieved by losing that weight.
Am I the asshole here? I feel like I'm being selfish. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
yp4vf9iyhCb5RBIJzv4HYwarwNOdzpsD | aqwjk2 | {
"description": "not wanting to give my coworker a ride",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to give my coworker a ride? | For my job I am required to go to several large corporate and networking events every year. My coworker also has to go, but in the 4 years that I've been here, she's never driven. She always gets a ride from me. She kind of makes it a joke like "Oh, you know I can't drive! HahAha!" But I'm so fucking over it. She's a capable adult, and there's no good reason why she can't drive. She drives to the office every day. She just doesn't \*want\* to, but who fucking does?
​
This year I really do not want to drive her, but I am worried to tell her no. She has threatened (again, as a "joke") to not go if she doesn't get a ride. We have an otherwise very pleasant relationship, and she has seniority over me, so I don't really want to make a whole confrontation. It's really not out of my way to drive her; I just don't want to. TBH I don't even want her to drive me; I would rather just be alone so I can listen to my weird podcasts and zone out.
​
Am I just a petty asshole for not wanting to drive her even tho it's not out of my way, or is she the asshole for making me drive her every time? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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} | RIGHT |
EvBoORcv3PfEJLjE0rnvXMxw7iDzHdzg | a0d6iq | {
"description": "turning my 12 year old nephew into CPS for his behavior and him being taken to juvenile detention",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Turning my 12 year old nephew into CPS for his behavior and him being taken to juvenile detention? | - [ ] A long story but I’ll try to make it as short as possible. BACKSTORY: I am 41 years old. I live on a ranch with my significant other and 3 kids in a house adjacent to my elderly parents house. I’ve lived here almost all my life, except when I went away to college and when I moved away about 8 years ago which lasted only a year because my elderly father was diagnosed with leukemia so we moved back to help with the ranch as he had no other reliable help. I am the oldest child of my siblings and am adopted. My younger brother is currently 31 and is too adopted. Also my elderly parents have raised my three foster sisters whose current ages are 27,29 and 30. They have been in my parents care since birth-3 months. I still consider them family and am in contact with daily. My adopted brother is a complete mess but my mother completely covers up, sticks up for and will defend no matter what he does. He has molested my younger sisters as they were growing up. I was just made aware of this some years ago because this happened when I was away at college. My sisters told my mother repeatedly but she did nothing and continued to let it happen. My dad was a rancher and trucker so he was away and working a lot so when my sisters told my dad, my mom diminished their concerns and explained it away. Sadly as adults my 3 sisters now have emotional, substance abuse and psychological problems. As the years gone by my brother has stole anything and everything from my parents and has pulled a gun on my significant other while high and subsequently went to prison for 2 years. This incident caused a major rift between my mother and I as I was the one who called the police. My brother also has fathered 3 kids with less that desirable partners so all 3 kids have been in the care of my 80 year old mother and 77 year old father who thankfully is still with us but still has weekly chemo treatments. The only reason my family and I have stayed this long is for my dad. My mother is very domineering in their relationship which explains why my brother was never held accountable for his actions. My mom always says my brother has problems and needs help. The oldest of my brothers children is 12 years old and has anger and other psychological issues. While in my parents care, only went to school when he wanted because my parents could not get him to go. The 12 year old charged thousands of dollars on Xbox to my parents cc but was not punished as my mother just said “he was bored” I have called CPS dozens of times but nothing was done. The 12 year old started killing animals but when confronted, he would run to my mom (his grandma) and nothing would be done. The 12 year old had also showing signs of physical and verbal abuse towards my mom when she would not take him to Walmart or she would not do what he wanted. My mom would have broken glasses or mysterious falls all of which were explained away by her. I have no idea how long this had gone on as I was busy with my own life. Where my brother (12 year olds father) was I have no idea. I was only made aware when the abuse as it started to be directed toward my father. AITA MOMENT: One evening this past September my father came running to my house, telling me to call the cops. My husband was away at a work conference so I was home alone with my kids. I asked what was wrong and my father said “ 12 year old is losing it over there” I immediately called 911 but we live rural so I knew it would be awhile so I made sure my kids were safe in their room watching a movie and started to walk next door with my dad. The 12 year old met us on my parents porch and started making physical threats toward my dad and cursing repeatedly. This isn’t the first time the 12 year old has done this in but every time he has had an outburst my mother always excused his behavior or said she would get the 12 year old help. These outbursts were becoming more frequent and I knew they would continue. There was also a 6 year old and 2 month old (the other 2 of my brothers kids) in my parents household when this was going on. I then took out my phone and recorded the 12 year olds behavior towards my father. The police finally showed up about 45 min later but my mom said there was no problem. I had wanted to to show the police my video I had taken but I had to get my kids ready for bed so I missed my chance to talk to them. The next day I forwarded the video to CPS and the 12 year old was swiftly taken to a juvenile detention center. He is still there(about 2 months) as the authorities have been having trouble finding a place for him. To say my mom was upset was a understatement. Her anger did not bother me as much because I have let go of that relationship years ago but her behavior towards my dad is what hurts. She will not talk to him for days and is verbally abusive when he does not want do exactly what she wants. He helps her take care of the remaining two children in the house as much as he can. Why CPS has not removed the children is beyond me. This video incident happened in September and it’s almost December and my mother is still very angry. AITA for turning the video in?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 10,
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} | RIGHT |
cV9P4TnccUnB4UgUREKsyqIaxgQoiJ4I | axu9a6 | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend to wear clothes that I find more attractive",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for asking my girlfriend to wear clothes that I find more attractive? | I (26M) recently asked my girlfriend (27F) if she would consider buying/wearing some different types of clothes that I find attractive. Nothing extreme, specifically I asked if she would get a pair of leggings and a one piece swimsuit. I absolutely love how these look on girls, but my girlfriend only ever seems to wear really long flowing dresses or bikinis, so a pair of leggings and a one piece would make me really happy. I should also preface this by mentioning that I in no way find her unattractive, I just think I would find find her even MORE attractive in my favourite types of clothes. I wouldn't expect her to wear them all the time, just every now and then so I can see her wearing them.
As to when I asked her, she kinda went off at me. She said no, because she said by trying to change her look I was objectifying her. She said that she shouldn't be expected to have to dress 'sexy' just to please me.
Now going back to the reason I asked her in the first place, is because of how much I changed my wardrobe for her. I was not much of a fancy dresser before her. I pretty much wore geeky tees and cargo shorts all the time. She asked if I would change up my wardrobe to look nicer for her and I agreed. So now I pretty much live in collared shirts and long chino pants. I don't hate the style, but I do sometimes miss my old comfy clothes. I do definitely appreciate that I look nicer, and I love how she tells me that I look good.
When she said no to my suggestion, I referred back to her changing my look. She said it's different because she was helping me get some much needed style, whereas my request was only about sex appeal and indulging my own fetishes. We got into a bit of an argument and didn't speak much the rest of the night.
I feel bad for upsetting her, but I also don't think I was being unreasonable or offensive. Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
GfD2TMmEnJq5Btnoxomw9kGvNlgRVs3Q | ahh04a | {
"description": "asking my flatmate to be quiet at night",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my flatmate to be quiet at night? [shortened] | My flatmate likes to skype at night, and our apartment walls are so thin it's like being in the same room. It was often till pretty late (between 11 - 2am) and she'd often wake me up or keep me awake. I have an early morning job (6am wakeup), and I sleep early, so I was really sleep-deprived. We agreed she wouldn't skype after 11pm, or if she did, then she'd do it in the spare room.
Last night, I went to sleep at 10:30pm, I was feeling pretty ill and texted her that I was going to sleep, and asked if she could move to the spare room. She didn't check it so I went and knocked on her door a couple times, asking twice if she could move to the spare room. First time, she said "Yeah." Second time she said that it was too cold in there and that she'd be finished soon (granted it doesnt have a heating air conditioner but it does has a small electric heater and blankets). She finished about 11:30.
Afterwards I talked to her about it and she was really angry which shocked me. Apparently, this had been building up for her for a while. She said that this was my problem due to me being a light sleeper, and the whole being quiet after 11pm is a weird rule and that she should be able to skype at night sometimes and I should essentially just deal with it. She said she talked to her friends and family about it and they agree it's a weird rule (though later she told me that her mum had had the same arguments with her about skyping at night in their house). She says she's the only one having to compromise here. We worked out a compromise where she can skype sometimes, and sometimes I'll sleep in the spare room when the weather is warmer.
I don't get it though. It seems totally normal to me to stay quiet at night when flat-sharing, but she talks like I'm a crazy person with issues, and that other people back her up. The irony for me is that she has rules that I think are weird (she has OCD) and I've tried to respect them, but I'm wondering if I'm genuinely in the wrong for being too strict. Am I the asshole here?
​
**TLDR:** Flatmate says I'm being unreasonable asking her not to chat online in the room next door when I'm sleeping at night. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
bo0q1dz0hCu1VC6KseTUZfAN7D1P4ZOU | akjcsy | {
"description": "being scared of communication",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being scared of communication | I'm sick to my stomach of feeling like shit.
My bf works very hard to provide for his brother and for me. He is the only one who works and his brother who is older than him does not want to work and just cooks lunch and he never cleans after himself. I'm a student at college and I need much time to study, but I clean and cook and take care of our 4 animals whenever I can. I do the dishes and help him sometimes with his work.
I understand he works very hard and is under very much pressure due to his work being just a total mess. He is a supervisor and has to endure manager duties and more every day. He is stressed. As fuck.
So he drinks. A lot. Because if he has a bad day (every day) he just wants to relax and not think about anything after hours of being asked every question at work.
On very rare occasions we go out because I ask to and he is on the mood. I like to go to the mall. But because he works from home and drinks a lot, his feet swell with a 2 hour walk at the mall and begins to feel anxious and the need for a drink to relax.
I feel sad, because when we come home he would say oh how come I waste my only free time going to the mall with you, I could be at the beach swimming, I would love to be at the beach swimming, but your major gets in the way. When you graduate I will go to the beach to live there and if you want to come that's up to you, I want someone who will come and do everything for me.
I moved from another country, without knowing him in person, so we could be together. I know he sacrificed his money and being happy alone, but I feel like a total asshole for not kissing his feet when we come home from the mall. Is the only thing I ask him to do for me. I don't want to feel like I'm getting on his way for happines.
Am I the asshole for moving with him and getting on the way for his perfect life? Am I ungrateful for feeling sad or uncomfortable with comments like this? What should I do? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pLMIi09ptxbxQSl4yNT4pkHt2XUp4YSW | amg6bj | {
"description": "masturbating to other women even though I'm married",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for masturbating to other women even though I'm married? | I'm a man, been married to my wife for 7 years. We have never had a sex life, I'm talking 2-8 times per year. And usually it's just me masturbating while touching her boobs, then fingering her after.
She does have health issues. She's got nerve issues which make a lot of tasks very painful. For example, grabbing my cock and rubbing it for more than a minute cramps up her hand and it hurts for the rest of the day. So I feel bad asking for that, which is a problem because I ALWAYS initiate the sex and 9 times out of 10 get nothing.
On the other hand, she isn't interested in sex and doesn't try to do anything just for me. She won't do oral because it's "gross". And when we have actual sex she lays there and looks miserable/bored and that's it. I've asked so many times for her to do more that I feel like a real asshole and just try not to think about it. I don't want to force her to have sex or to do something she isn't comfortable with, but I also feel she should do everything possible to make me happy and she isn't.
She can't work because of her health. I've never held this against her and have no problem being the breadwinner. That doesn't mean she owes me sex but I feel it means she should try harder. Is that asshole thinking?
I cope by masturbating a LOT. Once or twice a day. I assume she knows this. What she doesn't know is that I watch lots of porn and fantasize about cheating on her. She's asked me if I watch porn before and I said no. It would really hurt her if she knew the truth. This also makes me feel like an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZfQfZdiAJZWDCIMJ4kr3IyWiDczDOWLY | awgpaf | {
"description": "cancelling plans with my friend without telling her why",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cancelling plans with my friend without telling her why? | My friend (21F) made plans that she was really excited about with her boyfriend (22M), me (22F), and one of our mutual friends (21M). I’ve been extremely excited about it and so has she. She put quite a bit of effort into it.
A few days ago I was assaulted. This post isn’t about that so there’s no real reason to get into any details, but I haven’t told my friend about it and I’d like to just let it go. When I was in the ER I got really freaked out because somebody was speaking with the same accent as the guys who attacked me. I don’t want to be racist or anything but this is all pretty fresh and I don’t want to be reminded of it.
Her boyfriend has that same accent. He’s a great dude and I’ve hung out with him a lot because we’re all in the same friend group, but the idea of constantly being reminded about what happened during a night that I was previously super excited about sounds awful. I had lunch plans with my friend yesterday and I told her that I was sorry but I wouldn’t be able to make it. She asked why and I told her “personal reasons”. When I refused to elaborate she said I was being insensitive and that she had put a lot of effort into these plans. She said I was being a bad friend and then she left early because she was upset.
I didn’t want to lie to her and make up a false story, and I’m not comfortable sharing what happened, but now I’m thinking that maybe I was being selfish and I should have made up a story or something. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CtciMHjYdWCG6Zv4gsWIRZt9aH5R4hMd | b2z3i3 | {
"description": "trying to be honest with my gf about her weight",
"pronormative_score": 48,
"contranormative_score": 30
} | AITA for trying to be honest with my GF about her weight? | Me and my girlfriend have been together happily for 2 years. She is pretty overweight (260ish lbs). It's never bothered me, but I know it bothers her. One evening when I was out of town for work, I called her to talk about our days, and she told me she was having another bad day at work (she hates her job) and she was eating a quart of ice cream to make her feel better (this is a regular occurrence). She is always complaining about not being able to lose weight, so I was maybe a bit to blunt, and told her that if she wants to lose weight, she should try to stop eating a quart of ice cream every time she had a bad day. She got pissed and yelled at me that I was being an insensitive asshole. I don't care about her weight, but I do want her to feel better about herself.
I'm I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 29,
"OTHER": 36,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 48,
"WRONG": 30
} | RIGHT |
8PjRGfPdQZqT9j7liPP4r56TteWcE3JP | aht7tz | {
"description": "telling this girl that I just wanted fun, she agreed, then got mad at me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA I told this girl that I just wanted fun, she agreed, then got mad at me | Me and this girl were talking online (She was out of state) and things started to get a little dirty. I told her that I was not into online relationships and that I am into having fun, but i dont want to like save my self for her. She got confused, but I explained it to her to which she then agreed with me.
We kept talking and having fun. We would talk about spending time together and calling each other cute. We would call a-lot and I was starting to get a little annoyed a-little, but it was still pretty good.
Fast forward a couple of days and we were done having “fun” and I told her that I was going to go to bed early. She then got mad and implied that I was just using her and playing with her feelings. I then told her again about what I said when we first started talking and she told me to loose her number.
Am I the Asshole cause I feel like I clearly stated how I felt in the beginning of the relationship, but idk if talking about how we would spend time together and what we could do was too much. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xcHlQC8BLurirufnYfKtsWFsE1TcLFLL | a5pd6n | {
"description": "threatening to stop going to one of my parent's houses",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I threatened to stop going to one of my parent's houses? | Yesterday, I got into a fight with my stepdad (who has a history of "because I said so"-ing and needing to be right about everything) over me commenting on things I have no experience in. To counter, I stated an instance from a couple months ago in which I signed up for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and he said to get in shape for it, I need to do things lke running 2-3 miles daily and 100 push-ups and sit-ups every day. I relayed this information to my instructor, who has 25+ years of grappling experience and asked if it was overkill for my current skill and athletic level. He said that excessive running could have a negative impact on grappling, and I relayed this info back to him in the argument yesterday. He then immediately said he was going to go to my next session with me (I pay for it and it's under my name) and call out me and my instructor in front of the whole class, even though there's no way to do this without a major disruption. The next session is tomorrow, and I don't know if I should issue this ultimatum when I stop by to pick up my uniform on the way to class or not.
TL;DR: 50 lbs overweight stepdad thinks he knows more about fitness than a Jiu-Jitsu black belt, says he will disrupt a class and embarass me just to prove he's right, I don't know whether I should issue an ultimatum or not | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3YT8mmBIfvI6YsRtxKSCVuEjkyMC3viH | apqnc8 | {
"description": "requesting nudes in exchange for writing",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for requesting nudes in exchange for writing? | I'm gonna start of by acknowledging that this is super cringe, niche, personal shit but I'm anonymous so who cares. Also this is both a general question and a specific case that went wrong.
I write smut semi professionally. I also do lewd roleplays sometimes to get the creative juices flowing. it's hard to come up with novelty for women by myself.
I rarely go here, but if someone is very enthusiastic about my writing but brings nothing to the table for me, I'll offer to write in exchange for nudes or money. Basically I'll offer to whore myself out if they're not my type. The 'am I the asshole' conflict for me here comes from the fact that:
1. it could be seen as inherently disrespectful to ask for nudes, regardless of services rendered or the context
2. the assumption that a roleplay is worth sexual favors in the first place
3. the fact that it seems like a bait and switch from the persective of the person I don't find interesting.
4. I'm basically saying 'I'm not interested, but...'
on the 'I'm not an asshole' side, though:
1. Don't come in here wanting to write about taking a horse cock and then act dignified/self righteous of your own purity when the topic of nudes is broached
2. if you're not interested you're not interested. just say no or ingore me and move on. It's not like my asking cost you anything.
3. some people have gone along with it and it was a lot of fun
4. I woulda ghosted/said no anyway if this wasn't an option
One person in particular insisted on writing in broken English and cut out as many letters as they could. There was nothing appealing about it at all and I felt as if they were very dumb. I explained the situation and gave them the offer, and they bitched and moaned and argued with me for hours. I engaged out of a pure, frustrated disbelief that someone could be this dumb.
Eventually they sent me three (3) broken imgur links that they claimed to be nudes, played dumb as to why they weren't working, tried to nag at me more, and insisted they were too incompetent to use other image hosting sites. I lashed out, told them that they were either genuinely retarded or a really bad lair, and told them to fuck off until i finally blocked them.
So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
215RNkKeqcnYN1OsfbW6urYNL32erBkd | b67ikh | {
"description": "telling my boyfriend that I feel uncomfortable with him hanging out around a certain person",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my boyfriend that I feel uncomfortable with him hanging out around a certain person? | So my boyfriend‘s friend who he does not see often asks him to hangout, and ofcourse i wouldn’t mind that because i know that they are close. However whenever he asks my boyfriend to hangout he always invites this girl whom i know from highschool and apparently they were friends, but the thing is she doesn’t exactly give me good vibes. It might be a jealousy thing but the thing is i don’t feel threatened i just feel uncomfortable and i can’t exactly put my finger on it but i guess when i looked back i feel like she didn’t like me and shes also randomly brought him uo to me before i even knew that they knew eachother and she made it clear that she was friends with him and made it seem as if she knew him first before we dated therefore she is important in his life. She just makes me uncomfortable and i don’t get a good vibe from her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
R4lS06dpiCcEE2n51Olz7zgEUfwcCcbY | 9w2qjy | {
"description": "considering to cut a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for considering to cut a friendship? | Just changed to a new account to maintain anonymity, but over the last week I've considered cutting a close friendship entirely. I (27M) have been close friends with a 23F who has ancestry going back to Greece and has strong left lean in politics, whereas I lean to the right on more subjects than not. For context we're both Australian with my ancestry going back to Ireland.
I have been close friends with this lady for roughly two years and we've grown close, we've even made a pact to get married if neither of us find another partner in the next few years. That being said, we keep growing close and then splitting far apart. To keep it short, we went on a date over a year ago and I took her out to lunch at a Greek food festival. She arrived \~40mins late and had eaten a heap of pizza at home prior to coming and made herself sick, so she didn't eat anything and spent the date complaining how sick she was.
Anyway, the big event came last week when we went out after work for a drink together and she was showing me her 'Bumble' (online dating) account and saying she could never "swipe right" on anyone with conservative views, or anyone who looked "too Anglo". Ideally she wants a Greek boy in order to be culturally relatable, but then said "white people have no culture" which I personally think is quite harsh to say that neither the Australians or Irish have no culture.
Continuing with that night, she insisted to see my tinder profile and was swiping through on my behalf and came across a German girl and she said "look, she's one of yours". I was lost for a second, but then she whispered "cause she's a nazi".
Previously we'd opted to ban talking about politics as she often gets mad when I justify my beliefs, but now and then it's almost like she can't help herself and brings it up anyway.
In fairness, outside of politics we get along really well, but I feel like in this latest case it appears as though she has no respect for me given I am everything she seemingly dislikes - a white anglo and can't respect that I have different opinions in politics than her. We haven't spoken for a week, but I keep thinking, am I an asshole for considering cutting the friendship for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
E977bTZDls7Wq5mqcY11uNarTjexYziN | b32tgy | {
"description": "buying Kosher food even though I don't need it",
"pronormative_score": 70,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for buying Kosher food even though I don’t need it? | I’m genuinely curious on what the protocol here is. I was at a supermarket the other day getting supplies for dinner and decided to get bread. There was a big loaf of yummy looking sourdough (my favorite) so I put it in my cart.
Fast forward to checkout and I have all my things on the conveyor belt and the woman behind me starts unpacking her things, looks at me and my stuff and says “you know you shouldn’t get kosher if you don’t actually need it.” I was looking through my items and realized the bread had a big “K” sticker which I hadn’t noticed before. I kinda laughed it off and said “oh haha I didn’t realize, it looked good, so I grabbed it” She just seemed annoyed.
I know in this specific scenario I may be NTA because I genuinely didn’t know, but going forward, is it ok for non-Jewish people to eat Kosher food? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 70,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 70,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1rM6OBZisggdrmBBfjqOcfigfsWTU4EQ | ai8xi5 | {
"description": "declining friends birthday theatre trip",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for declining friends birthday theatre trip? | My friend turns 29 this week and she’s the human equivalent of the energiser bunny, doesn’t sleep, works 60 hours a week while always having a side hustle.
My dad passed away last year and she’s been a major help to myself and my mum sorting stuff out, so we’d bend over backwards to return the favour.
For her birthday she wants to go to the theatre in a city 100 miles from her (about 120/130 for me) and we agreed to go at the weekend. Suddenly last night we got a text saying they couldn’t get tickets and she wants to go this Wednesday instead.
Both of us declined as the show doesn’t end till gone 10 pm and then it’ll be 2 - 3 hour drive back, before starting work at 6am next day. Both of us are also working stupid hours trying to sort out my dads stuff and keep full time jobs.
Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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