id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
lYlVivCR7bqlXJFTXMcZteE0YYA2bu3d | aebdgy | {
"description": "being annoyed by how much my friend talks to their dog when we hang out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being annoyed by how much my friend talks to their dog when we hang out? | My close friend and I are long distance so we talk on the phone a lot. I am a dog owner too, and I am very guilty of doting on my dog excessively... however, I don’t do it at length when there are other people around or if I’m on the phone.
My friend talks to the dog a lot in a very conversational way—even going as far as to cut me off just to say something irrelevant to the dog (praise, doting, full sentences that the dog cannot comprehend ect.)
When I mention that it bothers me, it angers my friend because they aren’t living at home right now and only get to see their dog a few times a year.
The problem is, this has been going on for years, even when they were living with their dog every day. It’s not that I want them to stop talking to the dog... I just want it to be saved for moments when we aren’t on the phone—which doesn’t feel like an unreasonable request, but I’m frequently made to feel like it is.
AITA for being annoyed by this?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
3qyPO0wU4EUkxXncm0kIG7Baip1GTYbk | axvv1s | {
"description": "telling my friend to stop making girls feel uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend to stop making girls feel uncomfortable? | Background: I'm a girl and my friend, who we can call Joe, is a guy. We were best friends in our freshman year of college but drifted apart due to him transferring schools. Since then we hadn't talked in about a year but in November 2018 we got back in touch with each other.
Main story:
When we first started talking again Joe would quadruple+ text when I was busy and sometimes even call me if I did not answer him. I told him this was way too much and it was making me uncomfortable. I enjoyed his friendship enough to be patient for weeks for this habit to die down. Joe told me his OCD, depression, and anxiety cause him to latch onto people and compulsively text/overthink when he doesn't get a text back. Okay, no biggie, it was improving so I didn't think too much of it.
Fast forward to mid-January and Joe begins talking to a girl he met on some dating site. He lets it slip that he's been texting her a bunch like he had been doing to me when we first started talking again and even saying things like "I'm feeling pretty down tonight :( " when she wouldn't answer him (something that is somewhat manipulative, imo). I tell him he's going to make her uneasy and not want to talk to him anymore. A week later he sends me a screenshot of her basically saying all the things I warned him she would (she's uncomfortable, he's being too intense, advising him to 'chill out' with other women, etc.). He then goes on to blame his mental health issues again and then say things like her saying that makes him feel self-conscious and he feels like hurting himself now. In the moment I was supportive of him...then he told me it had happened before we started talking again with two other girls...then last week it happened again with yet another girl.
Tonight I called him out on it and told him that him making girls feel scared and nervous makes me uncomfortable and isn't okay at all. But per usual, it turned into him saying how "broken" he is, that the only real way for me to "get it" is to have OCD, that his intentions have never been to make them nervous, etc.
I just wasn't having it anymore. I told him his mental health wasn't an excuse to make anyone feel uncomfortable and this behavior needed to change like he had told me before that it would. I said that after one girl told him getting 20 messages in a row and overly pushing to hang out made her uncomfortable it turned from a "mistake" to something bigger than that with each girl he did/does it to afterward. He seems to think that I'm overreacting and that him "really trying" should be enough for me to not be upset by it. Honestly, I'm at the point where I feel like he's using his mental health as an excuse and I'm not really understanding why it's so hard to not quadruple text a girl when he knows they are busy.
Although I'm standing by my stance, I'm starting to wonder if I am the asshole and I should be a bit more sympathetic to his mental health issues. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
atNLpyTZHFNYhJUOXN4Nz9RiaTXVzZAA | a7uois | {
"description": "calling an older man 'buddy'",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling an older man 'buddy'? | So, note, I work retail at a shitty gas station. Older man I've seen maybe five times enters the gas station feet away from me.
Out of instinct I say "How's it been going, buddy?"
He immediately starts asking me questions followed with the word Buddy at the end in a pointed way.
He then exclaims, "Don't fucking call me buddy, I fucking hate that."
Thinking he's joking, I continue smiling and ask him what he needs. He then states that he's "not fucking around" and "I'm not your fucking buddy"
At this point, I've rang out his transaction without saying anything further besides "Yes sir." As he's leaving, he yells back "Fucking prick!"
Am I the asshole for calling someone buddy? Is it traditionally unprofessional to do so? I've had this job for years, and never had a problem aside from the occasional doctor who requests I call him Dr.
I just can't help but wonder how many fights that guy gets into in Canada. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
J9aNGPX2z8ARlIMfSO7GSZMoXSmaHv5v | a5khag | {
"description": "not hiring a potential nanny for my baby after finding out he's a man",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 26
} | AITA for not hiring a potential nanny for my baby after finding out he’s a man? | I’m in grad school and my husband and I have a 2 y/o baby girl. I was looking for a daytime nanny and figured I would start on my school’s listserv to see if any of the undergrad students would be interested. A 19 y/o student emailed me back and expressed interest. We talked via email over the next few days and decided to set up an informal interview at my apartment.
It wasn’t until he arrived that I realized it was a boy. I now realize his name is gender neutral but I had only ever heard of girls with the name, and so I just assumed. (I had tried to do some Facebook searches before that but nothing came up). I’ll call this guy Taylor (not his real name).
So, anyway, I decide that since Taylor came all the way over so I might as well talk to him (I’m still trying to be open minded). He’s very nice and has decent babysitting experience based on the resume he brought. I took his contact information and told him I would call back in a few days after I speak with my husband.
I realized after the interview though that I just don’t think I’m comfortable leaving my baby with a teenage boy. I talked to my husband about the whole thing and he agrees with me. But I still feel bad about it. I understand the sexism at play here and I like to think of myself as a fairly liberal/progressive person. I guess it’s been engrained in me that boys mature more slowly than girls. Maybe there’s some stereotypical thinking about women as caretakers in there too, I don’t know.
I guess part of it might also stem from my childhood. I have two siblings that are several years older than I am. I just remember growing up my mom would let my sister watch me but not my brother. Even though my brother was the older one, I never questioned this. No one did.
Anyway, I usually call my mom with stuff like this, but we’re so much alike that we just end up agreeing with what the other says. So outside opinions would be nice. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 26
} | WRONG |
YzcP12rkSGMLVDpQ0rebuMvi837ENpf5 | b222he | {
"description": "not inviting my older brother to my graduation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I Didn't Invite My Older Brother to My Graduation? | WIBTA if I didn't invite my older brother to my graduation?
So I am graduating from High School in June this year but I don't want to invite my older brother (let's call him OB) because while he was living with us he would occasionally bully me, and take the PC and PS4 literally all day and night.
He would yell at me for "interrupting" his matches in CS:GO. He would also never do his chores that were given to him by my mom. OB would steal food from the fridge and pantry.
OB was constantly come home smelling like weed, bring friends and letting them stay over for days sometimes weeks (they would also smell like weed) and would vape inside the house and sometimes in my direction.
OB also helped me buy a game on the PS4 on his PS profile and I paid for most of it (I paid $55 and he paid $25 the game was the deluxe version) and now I can't even play it.
So WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zFdo1MNq7q6dsnlWyGmT5ZeMg7xE03Wl | ap81tq | {
"description": "getting into a fight at a house party",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting into a fight at a house party. | This happened to me a couple months ago but it's been stuck in my head ever since and I need to get some outside opinions. I was at a bar for happy hour and I was playing pool with my gf and a couple friends. We were down to the 8-ball and as I went to go take the last shot I noticed a group of people sitting/standing in the way so I couldn't really hit the cue ball. I politely asked them to move and they all did... except for one. He just flat out said no. Now I've only been playing pool in bars for 3-4 years but I've still never had someone just flat out refuse to move for a shot like that so I was a little shocked.
​
We argued for a couple minutes before I finally decided to just take the shot. I had to basically stick my ass in his lap to make the shot, I'm not sure why he was cool with that but whatever. I made the shot, gave him a dirty look and then returned to my friends. A little while later we decided to get to my friends house party. We get there, go down to the basement to get some beer out of the keg and then see a couple people playing Beer Die. For those of you who don't know what Beer Die is, it is a drinking game that involved a coffee table, two teams of 2 players and a single dice or "die" that is thrown back and forth. I'm not gonna describe the whole game but the important part is there are 4 chairs placed at the corners of the table and it is required to sit in them to throw the die.
​
GF and I decide to get next game so after a couple minutes or so we sit down and start playing. About half way through the game she runs out of beer so she gets up to get some more from the keg. I'm talking to the guys across the table from me and someone sits down in her seat without me noticing. I turn around and to my surprise its the SAME fucking dude from the bar! I was beyond shocked at this point.
​
I told him to move because he took my GF's seat and we are playing a game that requires sitting down. He refuses, doesn't really give a reason but just keeps saying no and generally being an annoying prick about it. Now I'm not a very confrontational person. I know that's pretty cliche to say about these situations but I'd never been in a fight before this and I'd only ever lost my cool twice in my life. Both of which just led to verbal arguments. GF comes back and says its okay and just asks him to scoot back a bit so she can sit on the ground. For some reason this made me even more livid. He was just going to let her sit on the ground!
​
I'm not a very big guy but this kid wasn't either. If anything he was a fair bit smaller than I was so idk why he seemed to pushing me like this. I told him to move one last time and after he refused, I grabbed the arm of the chair and lifted it straight up so the two legs on the right side of the chair were off the ground which caused the chair to tip over and him to fall out of it. Immediately my GF exclaimed "OMG he didn't mean to do that, that was an accident" and in my anger fueled state I yelled "Yes I did!" He gets up and pushes me hard and I just blacked out. Next thing I know one of his friends has me around the shoulder's and is pull me off of him. Apparently I grabbed him by the throat and pinned him up against the wall. He was lucky his friend pulled me off of him before I could do any real damage. I was lucky his friend was fine with just pulling me off of him and didn't decide to beat me to a pulp because that dude was a big motherfucker. Also I don't know many people at this party as it is my GF's friends house so I'm also lucky I didn't get jumped by a bunch of people this guy was friends with.
​
GF and her friend escort me outside all the while I'm yelling at this kid "That was twice tn! You fucked with me twice!" everyone probably thought I was nuts and I can't really blame them. My shirt favorite shirt had been ripped right down the middle, I was breathing heavily and probably had a crazy look in my eye. I go outside to calm down and then we go up to the owner of the house's room to cool off. He hears about it and sends some guys downstairs to kick them out. I let it ruin my whole night because I just couldn't comprehend what would make someone be that much of a dick and it almost seemed like he was targeting me.
​
That pretty much sums it up. I could probably expand on it a little more if anyone has questions. Before anyone asks I had gotten to happy hour pretty late so I only had 2 drinks there and I had about half a cup of beer at the house party so I don't think alcohol had much of an effect. AITA?
​
tldr; Random guy refuses to move at bar while I try to take pool shot, then follows me to a house party and steals my gf's seat while playing Beer Die causing me to lose my cool and get into a fight with him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
gQKvgn1NUqKdQ2Q9e1f3uFtPBblXVWcR | a07u9h | {
"description": "telling my ex to never speak to me again",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my ex to never speak to me again | He dumped me and i told him to never speak to me again. He really did hurt me, it was my first relationship, we met at freshman year in college during our first semester. We started dating around summer break, then he figured out on his own we wouldn’t work together because “he was too independent”, that he wasn’t as free essentially and the last time we spoke he went on about how happy he was without me. I don’t regret the time we spent together but he told me i’m his biggest regret, and he told me i could call him anytime. But i was a little upset over hearing that i was a weight during the last month we were together, so i told him to never contact me again and that it would be good if he just went away.
I regret it so bad, it has been four months since the breakup and it’s been one months since we last spoke, i feel so pathetic for still wanting him back. He rejected me because he thought i was needy, i was just compensating for the distance. I feel like i’ll never get over this, i want someone that will never leave even if it’s difficult but i still want that someone to be him.
I don’t want to loose my pride again, i’ve begged for him back once and he laughed because i didn’t understand him. Why did i have to fall so hard in the first place? He was the one that wanted me so bad anyways, i was planning to keep dating if he didn’t ask. I know he uses reddit as well and i just hope he sees this and speaks with me, i feel the lowest i’ve ever felt and i don’t know what to do anymore. It’s not fair, i gave my everything into making it work, i know that people come back around if they really want to be in your life but i’ve closed all of those doors out of anger now and i know we don’t have a chance back.
It was only a two month relationship and i don’t feel i ever did something wrong, hell i even wanted for my space getting back to school. I only wanted one relationship in my life and be done, get married and travel the world. That’s all i’ve ever wanted and i fucked everything up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xvcWzLpzQBp76HvroDtlTVicsxQLrEMf | ah04cz | null | AITA for throw my ex out of my car? | Hey AITA, long time reader, first time poster.
This happened in August last year, but has recently come up in conversation with my friends, so I wanted some outside opinions about it.
My ex (let's call her Dani) and I broke up in late May or early in June last year, but we were trying to stay friends after as it was hard losing someone so close for both of us. (We dated for roughly 2 years)
Dani and I would go get food, chat about what's been going on, new people we were seeing, etc. We'd probably meet up once a week, just to chat and joke.
Dani would talk about new guys she was seeing, I'd help her (genuinely, I want her to be happy) by giving some advice about how to pursue them, or once in a while say maybe this guy wasn't a good idea for her.
On this particular day, I really wanted to talk about a new girl I was super into (call her Jen). Jen and I are co-workers, so Dani kinda had an idea of who she was.
Meal starts off fine, Dani is talking about a new guy she's with, I'm cracking a couple jokes, all is normal. Soon, I start to shift the conversation towards me and Jen, and Dani has an immediate tone shift. She gets a little cold, starts being rude and making some pretty harsh comments.
I don't notice this right away (I'm 20m and pretty ignorant tbh) so I continue talking. Soon Dani calls Jen a bitch, and starts saying some REALLY off things about her, who she really doesn't know. Saying things like "she's just a bitch" "she won't like you" "she's gross" yada yada. At this point, I'm a little more than offended, so I tell Dani I'll drive her home, because I'm done here and I really don't wanna talk to her anymore.
We take her food to-go and start driving to her house. On the way I tell her I thought it was pretty shitty of her to just beat up on this new girl who I really like, and Dani goes off about "am I not allowed to have an opinion? Can I not say what I feel?"
Something about how she says this really heats me up, and I kinda lose my cool here if I'm honest. I shout at her saying she can have an opinion, but she's can can also try not being a piece of garbage when she tells it to me.
Now I'm not exactly a shouting kind of guy. Most people I know have never even seen me mad, but I felt pretty wronged here. She was always allowed to talk about guys she was interested in, or people she'd slept with but I couldn't talk about this one girl I actually liked?
After my little blow up, Dani says "I don't deserve to be *yelled* at, so you know what? You can just let me out right here"
Before she finished her thought, I had slammed on the breaks and just pointed to the side of the road.
She gets out, slams the door (for context, we're about 5km from her house, and it was about 30°c or so) and I whip off. As I'm driving home, I see her keys in my cup holder, so I text her saying I'm coming by to give them back. The text conversation was pretty rough if I'm honest, both sides were pretty angry and it only made me more pissed.
As I get back to her house, shes out front, and I'm really not feeling talking to her. So as I pull up, I roll down my window and just chuck the keys in her direction. (I don't hit her with them, they land somewhere near her at her feet) and immediately start backing out. I can see she's giving me the finger as I leave and hear "enjoy the soup asshole." So I chuck the soup out the window after as I drive off.
Now I know I probably overreacted, but I seriously feel I was justified. Or am I just an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
F2hTgJVjNsjUiO7YIazmisgYmbbVVufm | aj4wpy | {
"description": "arguing about my friend's job",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for arguing about my friend’s job? | TL;DR: My friend is in an MLM (multi-level marketing) and she feels I belittled her job. She’s called me crazy and I called her out for gaslighting me. Now we’re not talking to each other. Am I the only asshole here for belittling her job and then ghosting her?
Some background (sorry if this post is overly long): I’ve already clearly told her I didn’t want any part of her MLM. I finally gave in and told her I would just do the bare minimum and send strangers her way, but not anyone I know. I told her I wouldn’t tell them anything about the MLM either, because it makes me uncomfortable. She’s well aware (or at least I thought) that her job makes me uncomfortable in terms of what she asks me to do/buy/sell and that I already feel like an asshole just for sending unsuspecting strangers her way. This argument would’ve been avoided if I had just stuck with a hard “no” and never sent her anyone, but here we are.
This friend was talking to me about going to public events to sell her MLM and brainstorming ways for me to help her get customers. She told me that as part of her pitch to random people at auctions, markets, etc. that she wanted me to say she had a business just like the shop-owners/auctioneers had, and if they could check it out. I refused saying that’s not true as the businesses she mentioned are not pyramid schemes.
Cue the long arguments about “why would I say that” and “it’s not really a pyramid scheme and no one knows what a pyramid scheme really is” and “if it is, what I do isn’t illegal” and why I can’t just “not mention that” and “it’s not for you why do you care” and blah blah blah. If the details of the argument are relevant I’ll include it, but it lasted a long time. Finally she says she wants to end the argument, and we agree to just not talk about it from now on.
Just after agreeing to that, she adds that I’m being crazy and irrational anyways and that she’ll know in the future I just can’t deal with her job. I basically tell her she’s gaslighting me and she says I make her feel dumb because she doesn’t know what “gaslighting” means. She keeps calling me crazy and asking how she she can “win against gaslighting.” And I just tell her for starters, to not call me crazy. She calls me crazy and to just drop it; and sends me a cute kitten video to show she’s moved on. I ghost her after this video (which I already know also makes me an asshole since I didn’t call or tell her to her face I was done with her as a friend).
The reason I decided to post this is I showed this argument to my other friends and they called me the only asshole here for attacking someone’s job and then ghosting them, because they say a person’s job should be respected no matter what. They asked me how I would feel as a teacher if someone told me I didn’t know something about social justice (even though I teach Math); it’s the same thing I did to her. They say I should apologize to her for being crazy, and make up with her.
Are they right? Am I the only asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Xxf0EePn70jSAMsTj5P3u7zYkKbAeDwS | aczcx3 | {
"description": "letting a year long friendship end over letdowns",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for letting a year long friendship end over letdowns? | TL;DR at the end because this got way longer than intended, but I would really appreciate anyone reading this whole debacle since I am quite conflicted about it.
So, I am not the friendliest person and not good with feelings, and I can be kind of an asshole to people that piss me off, but I try to be fair and friendly to people that are nice to me. Since I am not afraid to say what pisses me off in someones face instead of behind their back, like many people in school seem to do, I don't have many friends but the ones I do have are very good friends. Except that one guy, who is coincidentally also my longest friend.
He and I went through some shit, and he is probably the only guy that ever saw me cry, so he has been pretty close to me. And even if people that had a problem with me tried to talk him out of his friendship with me, we always ended up doing shit together again in the end, which I appreciate. However, in the last one and a half years, he started being the most unreliable person I know. If we have something planned he is often just cancelling in the last minute, or he doesn't remember agreeing to drive somebody, or he suddenly doesn't want to go somewhere because he'd rather play videogames. We still did stuff together, but half the time it was a huge effort to get to do stuff with him because of that. Since he is avoiding stress and anything that pressures him at all cost (a quality that I do not have) I thought it was just something I had to live with, and it was never so bad that I had a serious problem with it.
Until last summer. We go to Gamescom (A huge gaming convention) every year, and since he has a car and I don't I already asked him last winter if we could drive together. He agreed, we both had tickets, and things were good. Until Gamescom actually came, that is. He got a girlfriend about 3 weeks prior, and I even encouraged him to talk about his feelings with her since he is kind of a shy dude and didn't have a relationship with someone who actually treated him decent before, and I knew the girl was going to be good to him because she was very friendly and nice. So they got together, and two weeks before gamescom I overhear that he is at her place (which is quite far away from where we live) over the gamescom days. So I asked him about us driving there together since I kinda relied on him due to the trains having fucked up schedules because of some building sites. I was very mad, and I told him I was mad and cursed and insulted him a bit and whatnot, but I came to forgive him after a few days. I had to leave the convention about 2 hours earlier than I usually would so my train connections work out for me, but that was it. We met up there every day and had fun together as usual. Then he just went back to being the usual kind of unreliable and didn't fuck me over in a bigger way, until this winter.
My grandmother got sent to a hospital because her bowels had an inflammation that was spreading through her intestines, and since my grandmother and my grandfather are like parents to me (had an abusive mother, live with my grandparents yadda yadda) I visited her there at least once a week. I would have gone every day, but this is my last school year and I had 2-3 exams per week while she was in hospital so I had to learn a lot for that and couldn't spend too much time away. My friend knew this. When my grandmother got out of the hospital my grandfather and me still had to take care of her a lot since she now has an artifical outlet for her bowel and her body had to adapt to it. She could barely move, and she got sick in the hospital and had a very bad cough and a lot of headaches. My grandmother is trying to downplay things like that though, so we had to make sure she actually takes care of herself and drinks enough and so on. That also caused me to actually miss a few lessons in school, so my friend had to know about that too.
Finally to the point: Our class needs to raise money for our graduation (since we need a place to get our certificates and celebrate with the teachers and so on), and one of the ways they allowed us to raise money was by baking cookies and selling them. I asked said friend if he wanted to bake cookies with me, since his family has all kinds of fancy equipment and due to my relationship with my mother I actually never baked cookies in any time of my life I could remember. He said yes, and we both thought it would be a lot of fun since I basically make cookies for the first time with a very good friend. The person organising the selling of the cookies told me that shortbread is selling extremely well, so I said we could make that since it would be simple enough. My friend has a grinder you can use for shortbread. So he sent me a recipe to use, I said I'd make some dough. Since there was so much going on between me, my grandmother, school and now this I told my friend that I would have time either on saturday or on monday the week we were going to bake, and if he is okay with me not being sure when I can bake yet. He didn't say that he'd mind, and someone from my class asked me if I could help them with maths on saturday, so I told my friend (on the friday) that I am baking with him on monday.
Monday, after school, I ask him if he takes the grinder to my place with his car and we bake at my place, or if he comes to get me and the dough and we bake at his place. I'd be good to get home with the bus if I can leave the bowl I had it in at his. He tells me THEN that he is sick. I promised that we were going to sell them on the tuesday though, so we had to bake that day, and I didn't have the stuff to make the cookies. I was upset and asked why he couldn't tell me earlier, quickly calmed down and apologised (albeit still being grumpy) because if he is laying with a fever in bed, it's not his fault. Right? So he reads my apology and doesn't respond. A few minutes later I remember he said he'd bake a few cookies with his mom on saturday. So I ask if I should go to his place and collect his cookies before school, so I can sell them for him. He then responds very confused and asks if he isn't welcome to selling them anymore. I tell him that I thought he was sick, and that we have to sell them tomorrow, to which he says that he will be in school tomorrow and that he will sell them himself, he isn't feeling that bad and will be there, he is "just still sick from the weekend". So not only did he have time to tell me THE ENTIRE WEEKEND, he also just kinda said he was sick because he didn't wanna do shit. He was also playing videogames until late at night, I checked his discord where he was chatting with people in voicechat.
I then asked basically everyone else I know if they had stuff to make shortbread, two guys helped me out but we didn't have a grinder, only a bag for softer dough, so stuff got complicated and I wasn't home before 2 am, couldn't be there for my grandma and couldn't learn for any exams that day. I told my "friend", yelled at him a bit since I was super mad, but he didn't even talk about that anymore or say he was sorry at all. He didn't say anything to me since, and we haven't spoken in a month now, but I don't want to forgive him again because he just keeps wasting my time even when I really need time. Am I the asshole for being angry and not doing anything now?
TL;DR:
5-year-Friend of mine makes promises, then finds excuses to not keep them, essentially fucking me over, it's especially bad in the past one and a half years and he fucked up extra hard one month ago, essentially robbing me of one entire days time and more than 3 hours of sleep that night because he was lazy, during a time in which I needed to be there for my bedridden grandmother and learn for crucial exams. I got really mad and unfriendly as a response to that, none of us have apologised for anything, we haven't spoken for a month. Am I the asshole for not doing anything now? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
6RXT1LteR2gVkRptDcBva5zfgSTxQSMj | aqnkza | {
"description": "expecting something for Valentine's day from my so even though he's very stressed and busy",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for expecting something for Valentine's Day from my SO even though he's very stressed and busy? | DH knows I love Valentine's Day. But I don't have super high expectations. I just want a little love and acknowledgement. However, he has been exceptionally stressed and busy with work related things lately. I was worried he didn't even know VDay was coming up so I reminded him a few days ago. I told him we didn't have to go out to dinner or do anything extravagant but maybe we could just spend some time together. I even offered to run errands with him that day just so we could do *something* together. He said sure, but then this morning he left to go to work. (He told me the other day that he had today off, which is why we were gonna run errands together.)
I texted him Happy Valentine's Day and asked if there was anything I could do around the house today for him. He said, "No, why?" (Didn't wish me a happy V-Day back) I responded by reminding him that it was Valentine's Day, and that I thought we were going to spend time together. I thought that if I could take some things off of his plate, he wouldn't be so stressed when we did something together. He told me he didn't want to do anything, that he had too much work to do and he was way too stressed to give me his undivided attention. I told him I understood, but that if he wanted to buy me some chocolates or a card, that would make me very happy. He replied with "Haha maybe."
He should be home in about an hour or so. And to be honest, I'll be really hurt if he doesn't make any sort of effort. He knows how much I love Valentine's Day. But I also know how stressed he is and I want to be accommodating. The thing is, he's been so stressed out due to work for months now. It's been hard on both of us.
AITA for being disappointed? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
hnhBofr44Zs3VVOWOG0EZbSus1nt48Fi | at8ta8 | {
"description": "being angry that she took her break with someone else",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for being angry that she took her break with someone else? | I have a platonic friend at work, lets call her Pam, we are both married and don't have any romantic feelings for each other. I say that upfront, because I know how it may look like.
We don't work in the same department, but still had to work together for quite a while. Think of it like a big project for multiple years. I am very introverted and don't easily connect with a lot of people, but we became kinda close and spent a lot of breaks together, like eating breakfast daily, lunch most of the time and just the usual coffee breaks. We never met or meet outside of work.
After the project ended we moved to different positions and different locations inside the company. It's a 10 minute walk if we want to meet now, combined with new responsibilities it was of course impossible to meet as regularly as we were used to. But we found a weekly slot where we could meet and have lunch together, take a walk together or just sit somewhere to talk, we even had a recurring meeting in Outlook to block that slot for us (that part is important I think). I was happy that we at least found that small little slot, because how I said: I don't easily connect with people at work and was happy to found a good work friend who I can openly talk to.
This worked for a few weeks, then another co-worker (Bob), who also worked for for that project but left the company after it was done, announced (via a telegram group chat that a few people including me and her were part of) that he will be in the area and asked if someone wants to have lunch. Of course it was exactly the day and time where we had our recurring meeting. Pam immediately said yes, as did another co-worker of the group. She then even asked me privately if I would join, too, but already said that I probably won't. Which is correct, I never was the biggest fan of Bob and not a fan of group activities in general. I knew that we couldn't talk, because main topic obviously would be the new job of Bob and the new position of Pam or the other co-worker. Things I either already knew or that I don't care about.
I was very pissed. She didn't ask if we could move or cancle our meeting, she just agreed to have lunch with Bob. She couldn't really understand why I was so angry, for her it was just normal to skip it for someone who isn't at the location that often anymore. For me it was just very disrespectful and also hurt my feelings. After that I just canceled the recurring meeting, which she didn't even comment on and we wouldn't meet for a few weeks after that. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
4gMB56EMgKrDauADb9tYi1zKq3WY3nlh | b4l7pm | {
"description": "assuming a woman wasn't going to stop to let an older lady into a building",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for assuming a woman wasn't going to stop to let an older lady into a building? | I was in my local shop and as I was walking out, an older lady (with a walking stick) was walking in. Now general courtesy in the UK is to give way to the person exiting a building however in this instance I broke convention and made some room for the older lady to get past. As I stopped and allowed her to pass, a middle-aged woman started walking in the gap I created (with in my opinion, full visibility of the older lady) and I said "Just wait there, let this lady come through". In my opinion her body language suggested she was going to try and squeeze through but I wanted to make sure the older lady got in the shop safely
The old lady went past, I then motioned for the middle aged woman to pass and I thought okay get on with my day.
She then turned around a bit annoyed and said "I was going to let her pass". So I was then flustered and apologized and it was intensely awkward and I feel like I may have made her day bad when I was trying to do good thing
Am I the arsehole here? It happened around two hours ago and I'm still overthinking about it. I am at your mercy and will accept any judgement that follows. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
2zVQz7seOlXu2NdylDgCM1e18gdmvt2j | at0jxd | {
"description": "telling my friend that I hate his friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend that i hate his friend? | Oh boy this is rough. One of dearest friends' friends is almost bullying me. everytime I say something she feels the need to respond against that. I literally said "I shower twice a day" and she started debating me about why that's bad for your skin! Lady, I just like bathing. so I told my close friend that I didn't like her bullying me all the time, but I feel like I hurt his feelings too! He's recently become closed off and less affectionate; it's really worrying me. Should I just keep my mouth shut and roll with the punches? she's really starting to get to me but I can't lose him as a friend. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
VCfkBiANthqIq8I1wvIuB8gyx2miVpWD | a1n5aj | {
"description": "not wanting to share my things with my wife's family",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to share my things with my wife's family | I don't want to share my food or possessions with my wife's family.
Food example: I buy deli food for me and my wife only. She says she wants to go visit <insert family member(s)> after the food is already bought, then expects me to share the food with whoever's there. When I say I'm just going to leave the food in the car and eat it after, she tells me I'm being selfish. I never expect the same.
Possession example: My wife's family is over at our house, someone mentions (in their native language) how they would love if there was someone playing guitar. I own guitars and have no interest in anyone playing them but me, but in the eyes of her and her family I'm selfish for not wanting to let anyone play them. I also have no interest in learning the songs they want played, as our music tastes differ significantly. Despite in the past when she let them without asking me, her uncle has tried to tune my downtuned baritone guitar up to E standard tuning (a much higher tuning) and broke 2 strings before giving up. Again, I don't go to their house trying to play their guitars if they have one.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
rTXSxtIRF986K8R4zj2RowUSJGRjcyGk | 9zpc80 | {
"description": "only leeching torrents, and never seeding them",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for only leeching torrents, and never seeding them? | Just as law enforcement tends to target drug suppliers, not consumers, media companies tend to target providers of pirated content, not those downloading it. I selfishly leave the seeding to those with the bandwidth and VPNs to do it quickly and discreetly it.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
AiR2IXzDdEeHHUAI19lPrmua4GhlF35T | b5vxng | {
"description": "telling my friend to stop skiping school and smoking",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For telling my friend to stop skiping school and smoking? | Sorry for grammar mistakes im on mobile and English isnt my first language
So my Friend is 13 years old he wapes and smokes and wont go to school
So basically i try to explain to my Friend that he has to go to school and actualy come to classes
or else he wont be able to get a good carrier
But he always just say no and that im an asshole
Am i the asshole ??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
iG1JKaLid9gqWLqHECAqCIGQyn9qKQxi | a5a36o | {
"description": "not wanting to cook in my house when I'm not hungry",
"pronormative_score": 40,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to cook in my house when I'm not hungry? | I live with my boyfriend and our pets, sometimes I get home and I really dont want to cook and sometimes I'm not even that hungry. Ive been cooking predominantly for about a year and although he does help and cooks every so often, the problem is if I decide not to cook one day he wont make himself food and just become upset and fall asleep upset and hungry. I feel guilty about this and sometimes just give in and make food.
It's just that sometimes I just really really dont want to cook or eat and if he's in the house all day when I get from work he will often tell me he hasnt eaten anything all day so now I either cook or feel like an absolute asshole. Its not like theres no food, theres just no quick snacks most of the time.
Any more info needed just ask but i wont give any personal info obviously just topic related. Also sorry about format, mobile app. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 40,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 40,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z3z2DBOjO0nr79YbqIUayzvjLl9rKEpx | b6r7lp | {
"description": "siding with parents over boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for siding with parents over boyfriend? | I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost seven years now, and we’re getting to the point of marriage.
Last week, my boyfriend and I had dinner over at my mom’s and stepdad’s house. We always have a bit of wine during dinner, so it’s not unusual for our conversations to get... unusual.
That night, my mom said something to the effect of “well it’s been 7 years, at this point it’s kinda a given that marriage will happen” and I agreed with her. I’ve talked with my boyfriend about marriage before and we see it in the future, but haven’t acted yet since we’re young and broke (I’m 26, he’s 29)
My mom and I got carried away with talking about what kind of wedding that I wanted, and I just wanted to establish with her that it would be small. I mentioned that I had thought of doing a destination wedding.
At this point, my boyfriend’s tone changed. He went cold and snapped “we didn’t discuss this. We didn’t discuss a destination wedding. I don’t want to be having this conversation”. Mood changed. We stopped talking about marriage.
On the way home, I asked him why he changed so sudden. He said that my mom had made snarky remarks that annoyed him, and that he didn’t want to “plan our wedding” at the dinner table. I didn’t catch any of the remarks he was referring to, and I just thought it was light conversation- we weren’t making any plans.
Fast forward to today. My stepdad pulls me aside and says that he was “stunned” at the way my boyfriend reacted in that conversation. I told him that my boyfriend expresses that he was uncomfortable “planning” the wedding at dinner. My stepdad also agrees that it was light conversation and wasn’t anything serious. He then says that when he first (and second) got married, that he was over the moon with joy and that he would expect a positive response from my boyfriend. He thought the cold change in tone was a red flag.
Now, I believe that we are going to get married one day and that my boyfriend truly wants that- but I can see why my parents would find his reaction as a concern.
I come home from work and decide to talk to my boyfriend. I told him that my parents are concerned about his reaction, and that I believe their concern is reasonable. I just think they’re being parents.
He is angry. He starts raising his voice and I told him not to channel his frustration towards me, and he agrees but then says part of the frustration is because I understand my parents point. He says I don’t “have his back” and that they’re making judgements of him. I empathize with him and tell him I get where he’s coming from, but that from my parents perspective- I can see why they’d raise a concern. He says he feels backed into a corner and that I’m not trusting in him that he wants to marry me.
Now he’s locked in the bedroom, refusing to talk to me. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
za5oiSIvVlUxFVru4mCcueEUBAVLSmdq | atwxnu | {
"description": "not wanting to be asked about my love life",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to be asked about my love life? | (Wasn't sure if this was meant to go in r/relationship_advice. I don't think so but if So, sorry, it's my first time lmao.)
Okay. So, compared to most of you here. I'm younger. To the point where I'm not even in college etcetera. So I'm still at the point where adults look down on me/tease me and whatnot.
Now I know for a fact that I don't know everything and whatever. And I do respect adults, I promise.
However, I'm just going to get into the story. My Mother has a friend who enjoys making comments about my love life. Asking if I have boyfriend yet and commenting about how, seeing as I've never had a boyfriend, I'm sure to get one soon or I'm seeing someone behind my parents backs. Now, I get this is all harmless joking, but it really makes me uncomfortable. See, I'm gay. My Mother and a few of my close friends know this. I don't enjoy this teasing because a lot of the time I just want to tell my mother's friend, no. I won't and don't have a boyfriend because I'm not into guys. It just really gets under my skin and I can't help thinking I'm being dramatic.
Now, the other day, I came downstairs on my phone, my mother's friend spoke up and said "See, ____ is always texting her boyfriend." With a short laugh. Normally I'd just ignore this, but I couldn't, I paused and moved to speak to the woman. I told her simply that it would be nice if she stopped mentioning my love life all the time because it made me uncomfortable for reasons I don't want to discuss.
She didn't take it all too well and seemed to nod understandingly, but then continued to side eye me and shit that honestly I thought was a little immature.
My mother pulled me to the side and told me that I was being an asshole. That her friend was only having some fun with teasing me and that id dampened the mood for everyone. At the time I thought I was totally not in the wrong. This woman was making an uncomfortable and my mother knew why. It would've made more sense for her to politely tell her friend to be quiet. Especially as I had expressed my discomfort to my mother on one occasion.
But I've been thinking and I can't help feeling bad. It's not like the woman knew and she is all round a very jolly person, I'd describe her as having a 'heart of a child'
And thinking back I can't help but worry that I snapped and spoke a little harshly. Idk. My mum isn't impressed with me and I'm not impressed with myself either. Like I said, she didn't know of my discomfort and it's not like the trading was doing any harm.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WS50GGmIICI6USF4IDILEEJLALbCE8yN | aealcr | {
"description": "pretending to be asleep when a girl invites me over",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA if I pretended to be asleep when a girl invites me over. | I'm back in town for a couple weeks and this girl has made it very clear she wants to hook up with her. I don't feel that way but I previously hit her up when I was drunk. It didn't work out and I canceled.
This morning I hit her up and she said to come over at when she texted me around midnight. I don't really feel like driving over that late si bc r I'm staying with my family and I'm not particularly into her.
Since neither of us are that invested I was planning on just if doing the text and texting her the next morning that I fell asleep. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
aaop7OtwvD79wstXY7xeovgIfAprbln6 | aewbl4 | {
"description": "being indignant about the fact that husband is seemingly unconcerned about my feelings",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for being indignant about the fact that husband is seemingly unconcerned about my feelings? | Hi everyone! Long time lurker, first time posting.
My husband and I (38M, 31F) have a seemingly perfect relationship outside of typical work/children stressors. We've been together and married for approximately 4.5 years after waiting only a few months to get married. We communicate often, and well. We trust each other, completely. Any time an ex might slide into DM's for any reason, it's brought forward.
I admittedly read A LOT of r/relationship_advice. Idk why, really. Call it a guilty pleasure. I get tired of the typical mundane droll that is FB, IG, etc, so I often turn to Reddit for something more stimulating.
To get to the point, I started to see a pattern in the last several days on RA where the OP's cite that their significant other was cheating after several years (lets say 6+) of supposed monogamy, and they claimed to have not known their were any issues in their relationship that would have caused the SO to act out in that way.
This, in turn, prompted me to shoot my hubs a text to "check the oil" on our marriage, as it were. We had a baby a few months ago, (my first, his third- we have custody of his other two) and we've been adjusting to the changes, of course. I asked him if there was anything he needed, or was lacking from me, whether it be doing more around the house, doing more things with him, or yes, even physical aspects of our relationship. This lead to him saying no, he's good (to paraphrase) and then make jokes about more sexual acts, of which I will spare you.
Okay, cool.
I pick up the baby from my mom's, and am on the way home when I realize that, heyyyy, he never asked me if I was good. He answered my question with "nope, we're good, more sex." And went about his way. So I point this out, and he replies with "oh, so we're fighting today. LoL jk jk."
We talked it out once I got home, and he claims to have been planning to have a sincere conversation about it once all of the kids were in bed for the night. Maybe true, maybe just something an inconsiderate husband might say to cover his ass.
AITA for being miffed about the fact that he was seemingly unconcerned about my feelings until I pointed it out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
wV7K0xJHLCd5SevaIudeWxnzcqOSwkwX | 9vz510 | {
"description": "telling a guy to leave me alone then cussing him out after he asked me to do one of those stupid snapchat games",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a guy to leave me alone then cussing him out after he asked me to do one of those stupid snapchat games. | So a bit a background: this guy got harshly dumped by his girlfriend about a month ago, hes a huge nude lover, with in the last month hes asked alot of my freinds for nudes (but not me) and he also has a thing for Asians (I'm Asian)
So about 2 weeks ago I was playing truth or dare with this guy and he dares me to let him look through my phone. I let him and he sees a picture of me in my bra (not a huge deal to me) but since then he obviously had a huge crush on me and I was not interested. So since I'm too awkward to confront him I just kinda made myself a brick wall to talk to whenever he tried to talk to me. He doesnt pick up on the clues.
So flash forward to yesterday night. He text me via snapchat and tries to make conversation then he post on his story "pick a number and I'll send you a question that you have to answer honestly warning not for kids" kinda posts and he tells me to do what was on his story I tell him "I dont want to I like to keep things G rated". So he replies "oh your so boring". I tell him "sorry but I don't want to" he then repeatedly sends "boring" and I figured he was gonna continue spamming me till I agree. So I tell him to "leave me alone" and he replied "wow really okay I was just joking around" that's when I lost and told him how I really felt about him and the real reason his girlfriend dumped him then I blocked him before he could respond. Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9VHgXJRoMfXbupKt0NLsnwKeQCzdFYaM | aus1tz | {
"description": "complaining about my best friends distantness",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA: complaining about my best friends distantness | AITA? So during Autumn 2018, my best friend (let’s call her S) of about 3 years started being distant, very distant. I chalked that up to her working hard due to upcoming exams and while I didn’t like it, I sucked up my pride and let it be.
A few months later, after a couple of instances of my complaining by beating around the bush and trying to be nice, I was really struggling with her distantness, so at the start of this month I sent her a VERY long message laying out exactly how I felt (short version is, she wasn’t talking to me and when she did she didn’t have her heart in it, and was just generally very distant to an, imo, unnecessary level) and she instantly agreed she was being distant and promised to try harder.
That would be the end of it? Nope. Fast forward a week, I was still coming to terms with the fact she was improving and learning to trust she will talk to me eventually and one evening she was active on Facebook but not responding to my messages so I panicked and sent a desperate message for her attention. She naturally got annoyed and the next day she told me I needed to trust her more.
So a few weeks go on up to tonight where things are going fine, she’s still being a little bit distant but she has exams coming up so fair enough, nothing to worry about. But then we have a short conversation over Facebook two days ago about Easter holidays, then nothing. I sent her a message asking about an event over the summer then a meme. A few hours later I could see she had been active and I started to go into panic mode but I didn’t say anything. Then she was active again in the evening and that’s when I truly panicked. I sent her a message generally saying “I know you have exams coming up but I think it’s reasonable that you reply when you have the chance” (implying, like now).
Writing all this out I feel like this might be more clear cut than I realise but I’d like to hear it from another person. Have I been an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
IY9VzSEvdKqUaPH016widxhdysUmwfpH | b4xqkb | {
"description": "intentionally deflating a child's ball",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 25
} | AITA for intentionally deflating a child's ball? | Look, before you click the title and type YTA, let me state my case.
I'm an Northern Irish guy living and working with my girlfriend in England and while we have a nice house and a dog, the neighbours kids are terrorising us and getting their parents to threaten us when we don't bow to their every whim.
Over the past year, the kids in the estate kick a ball against our high wooden fence nearly everyday, the noise it makes is annoying but we can live with it. However, sometimes the children kick the ball over the fence and come knock on our door to get the ball back, again it doesn't bother us too much.
Recently however, the kids have been kicking the ball over numerous times in the day and I work hard 9-5 so surely it's understandable that sometimes I couldn't care less about the ball, especially when the kids are rude to me and swearing at me when I give it back to them. So one day after retrieving the ball 5 seperate times and witnessing one kid attempt to climb my fence and get into my garden, I issue an ultimatum, if the ball lands in my garden again then I'm keeping it til the following day and then they can get it back.
The kids went and told their parents that we took their ball and won't give it back so here comes two parents knocking on our door yelling at us to give their ball back. Me and my gf protest saying they are damaging our fence, being rude to us and we insist that we are being reasonable qbut the parents keep saying the same thing "give them their ball back now", except more and more forcefully each time.
So what am I meant to do? Live my life as the defacto ball boy of the estate, eternally returning the balls back to their selfish, demanding owners under coercion by their parents?
Now I should preface this next bit by saying that I'm aware that my next actions could make me an asshole and I would normally agree, however, I would argue that I'm not THE asshole in this situation.
After having some kids dad come to my door and square up to me, I had enough, clearly noone bar us are interested in having a reasonable conversation about playing with a ball in the middle of a busy road (when there are 2 perfectly good parks 1 min down the street) or respecting other people's space so when the ball came over the fence last, I grabbed my sharpest kitchen knife and sank it into the football so to emulate a nail puncture. I step on the ball and squeeze a load of air out with my foot and then throw it back over the fence, making a much harder thud when it hits the ground
Now I know this is petty and immature but I've had enough of acting as a surrogate parent to these whinging little shits and I feel someone should at least teach them that actions have consequences, especially if their own parents couldn't GAF. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 40,
"EVERYBODY": 22,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 25
} | RIGHT |
01QXcC1B4imXa6dgWMOa6HJ3eIiiUJey | b1rap1 | {
"description": "bailing my friends after they broke into my bathroom stall",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for bailing my friends after they broke into my bathroom stall? | Me and my friends went out drinking and were having a great time. We are all great friends and have no drama between us and they know, that I tend to get a bit emotional, especially when I'm drunk.
We went to a pub before going to a club, that has a cheaper entrance fee when we get there early, so we wanted to get out of the pub quickly. I checked my phone and my mood took a nosedive, when I found out that I hadn't been nominated into a contest, that I had put months and months of work into. I showed the results to my friends and they didn't really get it and didn't really react as well. Drunk and emotional as I was, I grabbed a bottle of liquor and headed to the bathroom where I broke down and started crying over every shitty thing that has happened recently. One friend came to knock on the door to ask what I was up to and I said I was just taking a dump and they left me alone for some time.
I started to simmer down and slowly pull myself together, when suddenly all my friends started to flicker the lights on and off behind the door and started furiously knocking the door, which made me get pissed off again and without me noticing, one of my friends had pried the lock open using their keys and there I was - red eyes, exposed - "yeah, sure you are taking a shit, we can see" (sarcastically one of them said). They all laughed and I just ran away out the door to a remote place, where they couldn't catch or talk to me. They tried calling me, but I didn't answer. I even turned the phone off and took a taxi home and that was that.
Morning after, they asked where I went and so I told them everything to which they responded that "I was just stupid and drunk and decided it would be good that I shouldn't be depressed and alone in that stall and that we all could have a fun time."
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
oBHC34n6D7TAZM1uo0t2H7rznMBBKdVM | afni52 | {
"description": "getting back into dating just to have a different kind of \"friend with benefits\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I got back into dating just to have a different kind of “friend with benefits”? | Basically I’m talking about someone who will accompany me to restaurants or other places. So I’m not alone in doing the things I like to do, such as try new restaurants, bar hopping, or going to places like a movie or putt-putt. I’m not ready for dating with strings attached. And I’m not looking into one-night stands or booty calls.
Basically I just want platonic dates who will be my company at restaurants, parks, and activities.
I brought the idea up to a friend (he’s my only friend, he’s in a wheelchair, and a picky eater, so he isn’t exactly up for the task) and I was told not only is it a bad idea, but it would make me an asshole who uses people for my own greed. Honestly, much different is that from casual sex? I just want someone to share the experience with. Someone to talk to. Someone to relate with. Since I don’t have a girlfriend, nor do I want one at the moment, I just want a platonic individual who will go out to eat with me, maybe do shit together in places where a single adult male would come off as creepy, and end it there. Who knows. If we hit it off, they could be my designated “FWB”. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
kcZeBtYKGcoZpgqvJ1FnQgX2OtB9O86w | alnrs2 | {
"description": "calling out this group of people",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling out this group of people? | Ok. some context. There is a YouTuber of this community and they have a following that basically praises them and just talks down on anyone who disagrees with them. Recently they have been getting into me and im starting to doubt myself.
So this all started on a thread asking why the youtuber... lets call them S. Gets a whole bunch of hate from the community. After sharing my encounters with S (S has called other users Trash, has said we have down syndrome, and even pulled the Suicide card). Their fans just started calling me a hater of S, they have called me *Hated user in the community*'s alt, and the thread was locked due to harassment and Witch hunting (Where 90% of their comments were removed)
So fast forward 2 weeks and basically most of them have just been commenting on all of my posts calling me trash. But when they comment something (That counters something they said like 10 hours ago). I call them out on it, and they just go into harass
mode.
Now I will admit I am poking them with a stick at times. But thats only because of constant harassment (well... what looks like harassment to me). And Bullshit they have posted. Im also not the only person to get this treatment
Also, what I said at the start kinda contractions itself because of my own perspective, but its really getting me.
So what im asking is. AITA for this, or are they the Assholes for the way they act?
(Also, this is a throwaway account in fear they will find this by looking at my post history) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
4y1ytTuwOCiGXgXTOtrKeZ6LO6tv3Rh1 | aj0nau | {
"description": "not wanting to hangout with long-time friends if an ex (of mine) is going to be there",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to hangout with long-time friends if an ex (of mine) is going to be there? | Hey guys, some important information is that my group of friends and I have been tight-knit since the day we started high-school together, respecting each others girlfriends and even watching out for each other no matter what. They are friends with a few of my ex's, but nowhere near close, and more or less only hangout with them as a courtesy and do not want to be rude. (Keep in mind: This ex had taken my first kiss (forcibly), pushed sexual acts onto me, but then broke up with me because "things were moving too fast" and on-top of that afterwards I found out that they were cheating on me since Christmas.) Is it wrong of me for politely refusing to hang out with my friends if I know an ex is going to be tagging-along? I have no problem that they are friends with any of my ex's, just that they invite or let them tag-along with us at events or conventions when we're just hanging out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
t9byy2FF6BOC2FbOxHRlmbuJokMbRzrW | ali3ny | {
"description": "calling and chewing out the Reverend",
"pronormative_score": 435,
"contranormative_score": 58
} | AITA for calling and chewing out the Reverend | AITA for calling and chewing out the reverend of my wifes church. I was opening the mail and got this letter today
https://imgur.com/a/yOlHLXo
I was kind of outraged that they sent a letter out almost shaming those that didn't contribute to the church. To me the letter read that he was disappointed in those that gave nothing financially to the church. That just doesn't sit well in my book and the more I stewed on it the more frustrated I got. I ended up calling and essentially saying that those that contributed nothing or little should not be shamed with a number game sent in the mail. If anything you should be sending a letter to those that contributed nothing letting them know that the church has resources available and that they will always be welcomed to contribute spiritually. He sounded shocked and said finances are a huge part of the church. I kind of went off at that point and said I would be switching memberships. Anyhow I feel like an asshole for taking this to the extreme with them.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 37,
"OTHER": 430,
"EVERYBODY": 21,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 435,
"WRONG": 58
} | RIGHT |
qyagupz4vOftgO76nkFsHwqcReKQ9Hw5 | as6qi5 | {
"description": "starting a fight with/getting angry at my boyfriend because he is tired",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for starting a fight with/getting angry at my boyfriend because he is tired? | FIrst, sorry for my english, it is not my first language and I am so rusty
So, a bit of context; my boyfriend (22M) and I (19F) have been in a relationship for almost two years, we love each other a lot and are quite clingy, I have anxiety, which sometimes brings up fights like now I guess.I am currently a college student but on vacations, my boyfriend is currently and this year he starts college too.
I am currently on a trip with my sister and niece, five-day trip, tomorrow night I take the airplane home and just had a fight with my boyfriend, that I started.
Since the trip we haven’t talked much, since he is working and my relatives and I go out quite a lot since we are on a trip, and he has gone out with his friends a few times too, and today I started feeling insecure about something that has been worrying me for a few months now and have brought up a few times; what if we grow apart since he is, starting next month, studying and working?
Just so you know, I know what he is doing is necessary and the best for him, I’m excited for him and cheer him on and want him to succeed, but, when we started dating, he wasn’t studying nor working and didn’t go out friends every week (Which, again, is good and I am so happy for him)
But… I grew used to having almost all of his time, and it has been difficult to me giving that up little by little – he started working, going out with friends and now, college.
And I share this fear with him – of growing apart since he is gonna be so busy – my anxiety just makes it worse, makes up scenarios, all kind of scenarios, and feel so anxious and afraid of some of them happening, and that I feel so sad and lonely feeling like this and being so far away from him and he… ignores me, he first falls asleep when I start telling him how I feel, then he just says “I love you, don’t worry” which… doesn’t really help, and he knows and proceeds to say goodnight, I bring up the matter again since I can’t calm down and I am starting to cry since I feel ignored, lonely and anxious but he doesn’t really seem to care, until… I get angry
I grew angry, I told him it really hurt how he ignored how I felt and doesn´t seem to care about how sad I am feeling, like he doesn’t want to deal with it and jus then he starts taking the matter seriously, but since I’m angry I kind of want an honest apology, which I don’t get and the fight starts
We haven’t made up, he said sorry for being tired and not paying attention to how I felt, and I say that I have done it multiple times before and just was expecting the same in return, but that, fine, his priority is sleeping so I just say goodbye, and so does he.
And I feel so anxious and lonely, this fight broght up a lot of problems, most anxiety-related and feel like utter sh*t.
AITA for starting a fight with him because he is tired?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
UDcQ1EYKwj0dk43sfYM52Jh8Y7jqOUDT | b6c276 | {
"description": "going into a shop shortly before closing",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going into a shop shortly before closing? | So, tonight I went to the local shop to pick up a few beers to chill in front of the TV with once I finished work. Its a 5 minute walk to the shop and I left 12 minutes before the shop closed.
Before I continue; I work for a startup and required hours can vary, if things need to be done then they've gotta be done, especially if it's some sort of emergency, so tonight I worked almost 5 hours (unpaid) overtime and when I finished fancied a drink, only the pubs were closing soon so I might only get one in before I have to o to home, so went to the shop.
I get to the shop, and as I'm about to open the door the owner (at least I think he's the owner, he's there the majority of the time) opens the door, about to walk out. I smile, say hi and walk in just after he comes out. I believe he also smiles to seemingly acknowledge me (with me being a regular to the shop, we always say hi, how are you, the usual formalities etc.). Now just as I'm walking in he says (in a very annoyed tone - he's usually super friendly) "cmon man, I'm shutting it down now, be quick". I look at the clock on the shop, thinking I must've made a mistake, I am going to (and always do) spend a couple of minutes here, if that because I know where everything is in that shop like the back of my hand and he also must know that - however the clock on the wall says 10:35, 5 minutes past closing... I apologise, take a few beers to the till and pay, he doesn't seem happy at all, the most annoyed I've seen him in 3 years of going to the shop and I now feel bad.
When I get home however I check the clock on my phone (which I know is accurate) says it's 10:32. Meaning I must've left at 10:27, latest (I had a cigarette on the way home so walked slower than I normally would and took a minute or so to finish it before I opened the front door and came in).
I don't really like any confrontation, am always as polite as I can be and hate to annoy/be a pain in the ass for anyone else. So, AITA here? Should I have not turned up at the shop 5-8 minutes before the shop closed and just gone without tonight, knowing I would only take a minute or two at most? Or do you think he was maybe just having a shitty day? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iRqcsLMeYg6aEN0VFJXLpcKnDfLm070g | a1ozk2 | {
"description": "ignoring my mom and brother after leaving them",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring my mom and brother after leaving them? | To keep it short, i have been verbally and physically abused throughout my childhood by my mom and her boyfriend. My mom would feed me and my brother every other day, once a day. Her boyfriend raped(if she didnt have sex he would bet her or us) beat and verbally abused my mother and verbally and physically abused my brother and i.
She completely cut us off with any contact from my family so it felt like i was trapped. She forbade me from going to school the last two years i lived with her and she would buy drugs and give them to my autistic brother. My brother was a huge asshole to me because when i eas born (im the younger sibling) my mom started absuing my brother and gave me all her love. This didnt last however.
Fastforward a bit and my uncle mailed my mom and ccd me and my brither in the email requesting a neet up so he can help. I was the only one who replied. I was going to meet him and my mother said she would call the police on my uncle for kidnapping me and trying to rape me. I ignored her and met with my uncle for the first time in 5 years. I was shaking, skinny, pale and frail we talked about my life and how he was going to help etc. Once i returned home i begged him to take me in so i can escape my mother. He ultimately agreed and this was the best year of my life!
My mother has messaged me for one and half years now and i ignored her and never replied. She always sends me texts saying how sorry she is and how much she loves me etc but i dont care...
My brother is being ignored because he wouldnt give his condolences to my dad (i live with him now) after his child died with his new with and told me he would never speak with him again (he believes hes the devil bc my mom made him out to be fabricating lies and such) after he told me to leave him alone for my "piece of mind" i was shaking and felt i had to puke and never thought of msging him again.
My family wants me to reply because they are family. But they are human trash in my eyes and never want to speak with them again.
Am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fC4yxU2mzs5A7Sz6DkZ1eB3UPBygzqnV | aog5tl | {
"description": "lying to my parents about my new appartments keys",
"pronormative_score": 78,
"contranormative_score": 41
} | AITA for lying to my parents about my new appartments keys? | Hi guys,
Before I start telling you my situation I want to tell you my relationship with my parents:
My parents are beautiful people and they really love me. I think that's why I worry so much and why they behave like they do. They were really strict in most of educational things (likes not allowing me to go out as i want until i was around 19) This has changed recently but i think it is correlated to me wanting to move out.
The situation:
I recently got my Bachelors and want to further study for my Master. My house is about 35 miles from where i live. So the idea was to move out. That's what i did. I live in my universities city now. The problem: When i moved in, my parents told me that they wanted the key to the appartment. (FYI I am financing everything by myself by working beside my studies) My father jokingly said he might be there at any moment without me expecting it. When he said that i said no, you need to tell me before you come to my house each time. His reaction was like "we'll see".
Part of why I wanted to move out was also to not have to handle all the family stress and living freely as I want. If they have a key and come to my house as they please I will never feel comfortable. Imagine me going at it with my girlfriend and they come for a random visit.
So the thing I worked out was to give them a fake key, and give the real second key to a friend. When they come to me without telling me I will yell at them why they would do such a thing, so they will never do it again. Also I will tell them that I lost the original key and got a new keyhole.
I could also tell you the truth, but that would only lead to arguments and questions of confidence, which I do not necessarily want to answer. I want to do all this without disappointing them, because they have always been good parents to me. I love them, but they don't understand that I am slowly growing up.
AITA for lying to them?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 72,
"EVERYBODY": 20,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 78,
"WRONG": 41
} | RIGHT |
XMOqkoc3GD3Bp3K4gPeKzMukrheHhltt | asdhmu | {
"description": "asking my bf to wear some clothes around the house",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for asking my bf to wear some clothes around the house? | I moved in with my bf in January. Before then I honestly didn't notice his strange habit of constantly being in just his underwear at his place. Since moving in though, it's become an issue for me.
As soon as he gets home from work he will take a shower, put on some briefs and stay in them until it's time for him to get ready for work the next day. On weekends he will also stay next to naked unless we have company or are going out. It just makes me uncomfortable being dressed with him constantly wearing next to nothing.
I've made some jokey comments before last night and he never picked up on the hint. So last night I discussed it in earnest with him. I told him that I know he likes to be extra comfy after work, but it makes me feel uncomfortable and suggested he start wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt. He said it's not as comfortable and also made a backhanded comment about how warm I keep the house (which is a whole other issue we've been having since moving in).
We kept talking about it and he basically just laughed at me and told me I was being ridiculous. No likes getting laughed at so I got a little heated and then he did as well. He told me that if he wanted to walk around in his underwear in "HIS" house then that's what he's going to do. Ever since moving in it's felt like our house and him saying that has totally ruined that feeling for me.
I get that he wants to be comfortable, but is it really too much to ask for him to switch to sweats and a t so that I feel comfortable as well? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
4uZ8kYYnJ3QuLUhqO5TQvA8gD1kOaTXL | b0tdap | {
"description": "telling my friend that his gf couldn't bring her friend on our trip",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend that his gf couldn’t bring her friend on our trip? | So my group of friends (6 guys ~22-23y/o) has this 2 y/o tradition where we go to Boston for St. Patrick’s day and stay for the weekend, this year being the third time. We always go with the 6 of us and anyone’s gf. My best friend has been dating this one girl for about 8 months now and of course wanted to bring her along. Myself and one other in the group planned to bring their gf as well. So four weeks prior to st.Patrick’s day we’ve finalized the guest list (9 people) and reserved everything (bar crawl tickets, restaurant reservations, hotel rooms, etc. Now, for my best friends gf of 8 months this would be her first time there and, might I add, she was not very accepting of what we had planned - suggested different things/said she didn’t want to do the things our friend group typically does.
Now a few days ago less than one week before we take the trip I get a text from my friend saying the gf has invited one of her friends to come along and the friend accepted and is planning around coming. She also expects that we accommodate her friend and adjust accordingly. Now I know the friend and she’s very nice and I have nothing against her - matter of fact we’ve gotten along pretty well the times we have interacted - but it’s much too late to change plans. Long story short, for her to be able to come we’d have to get another hotel room (we are all splitting the rooms equally so this would make the cost for everyone higher by about 100$ since all the rooms left at this point are very very expensive), get tickets for a different bar crawl than the one we already had cause they were all sold out by now, change the dinner reservations (not a big deal) and drive another car there (4 hour drive there and back).
Of course I wasn’t gonna stand for that and flat out said she can’t come and to tell her she isn’t going and that his gf doesn’t get to invite people to go on our trip cause it’s our trip and she’s a guest on it. I also said she can’t make this trip HER trip instead of our friend groups trip as much as she’d like to. I’ll admit I came off a bit rude when I said this but AITA for saying her friend can’t come? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jE3ulFPgbQZz08jsOSkXbu7GzbRyesBS | b2qgf4 | {
"description": "keeping being invited out to dinner with a guest speaker from another university by my professor, and being always too busy. he hosts a lecture before the dinner which I have attended three or four times, missing only one",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA: I keep being invited out to dinner with a guest speaker from another university by my professor, and I'm always too busy. He hosts a lecture before the dinner which I have attended three or four times, missing only one. | The lecture is on campus, so walking there is convenient, and the lectures are only around 90 minutes. He always asks me at the end of the lecture whether I'll be going to the dinner, to which I reply "I can't," which is true. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9iWY5a0cmXplCfvOdXivFpeyZ5A5Qgbo | aiva9c | null | AITA for this weird situation | On December 1st I went to a Christmas dance for my school with one of my good friends who had a crush on me( let's call her X). Before we went I clearly outlined how I wasnt going to dance and that we were clearly going as friends. X understood and we went on our merry way. I found out that a girl I really liked( let's call her Y) was going to the dance with some of her friends. After a couple hours at the dance I asked out Y and she said yes, fast forward a few days and X wont leave me alone, shes constantly flirting with me in front of Y and I told her to stop and she did after about a month. I find out a few days later that I broke her heart and shes really depressed. I've tried talking to her but things are really awkward. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
meob1fzSKW5kQH3QGKMqwKZZHUkzFDwb | b47eqv | {
"description": "Cancelling Commission",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Cancelling Commission | So I recently commissioned an artist and we agreed that they would stream my commission on the 15th. After they started the stream, but before they began my commission I would pay, for the record the price was $300. When the time comes on the 15th, I hear nothing. On the 16th they contact me, and apologize saying they can stream later that day. Time comes and they contact me telling me it'll be tomorrow. This continues until the 21st, they setup a time to stream with me, something comes up and they reschedule. On the 21st I cancel the order because I'm tired of their games. Now they're contacting me asking me if I can pay in advance because they need the money to pay rent, and since we agreed on a commission I need to pay them.
&#x200B;
**My side summed up:** I never sent them a ref, and we agreed to pay when the stream started. They kept delaying and making excuses, so I have a right to cancel.
&#x200B;
**Their side summed up:** I agreed to pay them $300 for art, they had already accounted for it in their budget. Then I backed out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jwoYBVNOlSaNPDNQDwnSwq4IACPRuvop | b6bkn2 | {
"description": "getting upset over people stealing my art",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset over people stealing my art | I've been sharing my art, graphics and other creative projects for a little over a year now and gathered a decent following, but from day one I've had people steal my art and post it on instagram, twitter etc. without credit. I've spoken out about it on my main platform multiple times but was always met with backlash, that I have no right being upset over it, that it's just part of making your art public/being on the internet and "not a big deal" and should stop whining about it. I also have garnered a somewhat bad reputation in the community by asking people to remove my art, or at the very least credit me. Other artists don't seem too bothered by it, some don't care if the art is being posted without credit which makes me wonder if I'm just oversensitive regarding the subject.
&#x200B;
Am I justified in feeling upset over it? I do put a lot of work into it and it's something I enjoy but sometimes I question if I should just accept that it is a part of social media and just keep quiet about it and let people post my art. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
q5oG9bLJFOnXAWWUsGARv2HKPVxqEMqy | av8z0m | {
"description": "calling my friend out on her excuses for not hanging out with me on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for calling my friend out on her excuses for not hanging out with me on my birthday? | So my birthday was on the 15th and about 2 weeks before that, Maya calls me with Nancy in her car wanting to talk to me and tell me a few things. We were all college friends but I graduated a semester ahead of them and due to my circumstances, I can't go up to meet them regularly. So back to the call, it was a fun talk same as usual. Now, I don't usually make plans to hang out. But I figured I need to be more proactive now that I'm not in college so I brought up the idea of hanging out on my birthday. The plan was to take my dad's car to Maya's house and then carpool with her to the college campus where Nancy lives so we could hopefully hang out at a spot that's similar to Dave & Buster's. I told them that it's ok if that doesn't happen. I just want to hang out with yall and do whatever.
Anyway, Maya said she will remember to take the day off on my birthday. So up to the day before my birthday, I hear nothing from her about our plans. So I text her wondering if we're still on for tomorrow. She gives me two different, ridiculous excuses.
1. She has a therapy session on that day and she doesn't think she can cancel.
2. She has the flu.
Now idk about yall, but my bullshit meter went off when I read this. Firstly, she had two weeks in advance to schedule the appointment for a different day. Lastly, she just so happens to magically have the flu, but on Valentine's Day, she was out with friends at some event. I know this because she posted all of that on FB. I had the flu before and I was bedridden for a week and a half. And she has a class on Friday and went to office hours on that day and then went to class on Monday. Trust me. She didn't have no damn flu.
So I called her out on those excuses on my birthday because I was upset. Usually, I'm never upset when around those two but I felt entitled to be upset in this situation and I had to say something because I don't like letting bs slide. She has done this in the past too. She's one of those people who loves to make plans with you and get you hyped up but then never follow through with them. But then you see her on FB posting pics of all the events she's went to and with other people. She did this once before to me which led me to confront her now that it's happening again.
At first, she started arguing with me when I did so, using the fact that I barely text back in the group text as a talking point and then tried to defend her excuses. I told Maya how irrelevant that was and continued to stay grounded in my point. Then she starts apologizing over and over and then saying things like, "Nancy why won't you help me out here lol". It felt very disingenuous to me and I stopped responding and just focused on me the rest of the day.
A few days later she texts me asking if I'm still mad at her. I told her that I was a little bit but that I'm good now for the most part. No reply.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
plSMh8sBoz2OZhSEAOq7PgCOIOgd2FAC | b6t2a7 | {
"description": "calling the cops",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for calling the cops? | brief history. parents have had historically rough and tense marriage. Only reason they're together is to take care of me, my older sister And younger brother. they frequently fight, escalating to shoutfests.
However, this time, and the subject of my title, is that mom and dad got heated over dad leaving the car trunk door open, mom closing garage on accident, and denting the fk out of it. They yell, curse at each other in Chinese etc, and eventually it gets really bad.
I take my brother (sisters off at college) into my room and tell him to stay there (I don't want him to witness any more fighting and possible violence and to make sure he's safe)
I stay away, but phone is ready JIC. Sure enough, it gets to the point that I hear loud noises downstairs (a water bottle hitting the floor and breaking), footsteps, and as I come down I see my mom chasing my dad with a mop handle, and strike him.
I fear this will escalate EVEN FURTHER, since we have a history (dad was arrested, never convicted, once of domestic violence). I call the cops, I say that my mom was holding a weapon but specify that it's a plastic mop.
Upon this, they stop fighting and go into separate rooms, preparing for the police.
Police do their investigation, take pictures, take statements, and officer says "kid, your mom is being arrested for domestic violence"
at that time, mom was the major breadwinner, and my dad, sister and I all agree that we don't want to press charges/get my mom convicted.
We try desperately to say we don't want to press charges, but this becomes a criminal trial, so we have to convince DA to drop charges. We do so by lying to them, saying how my dad's visible wounds were from our dog, not our mom.
Mom's record is clean (not convicted) and she still worked at that place making $$$ for a bit.
However, everybody in the family feels distant from me. Mom acts differently around me than before, talking less, and dad (who now is the breadwinner) blames me, saying that I nearly ended my mom's life.
whenever my dad gets angry at me, or at my mom, he'll say "do u want *THE EVENT* to happen again?" and to me he'll say "you're tearing this family apart, you nearly broke this family apart"
this happened around a year ago, but dad, who flew back home, got angry recently and brought up some sour spots by berating me again bringing up mom's arrest.
I've been haunted by this, since I feel like I did the right thing, but that I was responsible for the repercussions, and the decline in my relationship with my family. I feel bad that my parents have to endure this shitty marriage because of me, and that I'm the one that's almost breaking everything up.
AITA Reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
RAIpwyTxhQDgecbU07gErtLCnPpxciop | 9tvt8r | {
"description": "not interfering when my brother \"oopsed\" my sister in law pregnant on purpose",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 38
} | AITA I didn’t interfere when my brother “oopsed” my sister in law pregnant on purpose | My sister in law did not want to have kids, at least not until she at a good point in her career, but my brother did not want to wait. So one time when we all went camping together I overheard her tell him they couldn’t do anything because she was in her dangerous time and couldn’t find her todays sponge and using only condoms would be too risky. That night he got her really drunk and had unprotected sex with her. The next morning when she realized what had happened they had a big fight and we heard the whole thing. He claimed he was really drunk too — he wasn’t — and couldn’t find the condoms — he had given them to my husband with a big smile and wink — and had tried to pull out — yeah right — and that she was actually awake and really excited and said okay to pulling out but she just didn’t remember — not true either. He said he’d make it up to her by ending our camping trip immediately and taking a shortcut to get us back in time for plan b. He then insisted on unprotected make up sex “since she was getting plan b anyway.” The “shortcut” ended up taking four days, which was how long we had planned to be out anyway, and they had unprotected sex the entire time. Once my husband told me how my brother had given him the condoms, it was obvious to me what he was doing, and I wanted to say something, but my husband insisted that I should mind my own business and just enjoy the camping. That was really hard when she asked me if I had any protection she could borrow, and I had to say no. I felt like I needed to cover for my brother, so I teased her about how loud she had been while they were having sex that night and had begged him not to pull out. I think she actually believed me — she had been really drunk. Of course she got pregnant. They are on prenancy 3 now, and their oldest is only four. I’ve never wanted to talk to her about it for obvious reasons, but I am feeling guilty now because she told me last night that all of her pregnancies have been accidents and she really wants to go back to work but can’t because she is never able to get a break. I just gave her a pat on the head and said that each of her babies were just meant to be. I just don’t want to rat out my brother. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 38,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 38
} | WRONG |
Hf89gHt5PlMBHxAOmGJphIHWJGENKUze | afiapq | {
"description": "not letting a mum in after closing time to buy a loaf of bread",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting a mum in after closing time to buy a loaf of bread? | Am I the asshole for not letting a Mum buy a loaf of bread after closing? This happened a few weeks ago but I was ruminating on it afterwards wondering if I did something shitty.
I work in a major retail grocery store which on Sundays is open only from 11-5 (I say only because people regularly wait outside before 11 and it’s usually busy from opening to closing)
I supervise the front end and at 5pm we do an announcement that the store is closed and the customers need to finalise their shopping. It’s common that people will try and fit in last minute purchases and not line up at the check outs straight away so in reality sometimes the last customer may not leave til 5.15. All of us only are rostered til 5.30 and we need to clean and count the money etc.
So this particular day we do the call and put the entrance roller doors down (leaving the other side open we’re people are checking out). 2 guys came in a few mins after 5 and I said “sorry guys we are closed” and they said “oh we only need to get a drink” and I said “oh ok go on then”. Evidently those guys didn’t want just a drink and began walking around doing other shopping. A few mins later 2 other men tried to walk in and I said we are closed and refused them. This happened 2 more times with two different men. Turns out the security guard who’s meant to stand at the entrance of this shopping centre isn’t here and people are just walking in. These 4 men didn’t seem to leave either, just kind of loitering out the front.
So around 5.10 this Mum and her kid come running in and I call out “sorry you can’t come in we are closed” and she says “I just need a loaf of bread” and I just say no and apologise again. Theoretically this woman could have come in and bought the bread and it wouldn’t have held us up because a few other customers were still there with large shops but I had already said no to several people before her and they were still hanging around and they would have complained to me or taken forever to get “one thing”. The woman looks disappointed and leaves. Another customer watching starts having a go at me, saying I should have let her in and she only wanted a loaf of bread etc. But the way she said it was if I’d been a real bitch and I felt quite guilty afterwards. The nearest store open 24hrs were she could get bread was probably 10mins drive away. So not super convenient. I’m assuming she needed it for the kids school lunches.
Am I an asshole? I just don’t want to make exceptions for people and then everyone starts thinking it’s ok to come in after closing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZJL6BbcVppS2WMyEBstmNQycgmI0zarO | 9x6gqs | {
"description": "not always having time or wanting to hang with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I don’t always have time or want to hang with my friends? | Between personal stuff, errands, family, and work I don’t always have time for my friends. And one of them always gives me shit about it.
I try to hang out with them 1-2 times a week and whenever I do I feel like a good chunk of it is the one friend always being extremely passive aggressive and manipulative about the whole thing.
I will admit sometimes I really do enjoy my alone time. Playing some games, watching a movie, or hanging with my dogs. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
f1dAxPiwPgNXorRTlRLgQgvtNYgKahpY | amygnx | {
"description": "not pushing this wonderful woman away from me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not pushing this wonderful woman away from me? | Me: 37/yo guy; had more than my fair share of monogamous relationships.
About four calendar years ago, my relationship with the only woman I’ve ever wanted to marry ended. By marry I mean, I (still at some level) love her in the truest sense of the word; exactly the sort of connection you’d hope for in a life partner. I saw our future in her eyes. Unfortunately for me, she didn’t reciprocate and after two years of her allowing me to live in a fantasy I couldn’t do it anymore.
At the end, I met a monster named Depression for the first time. I felt like a widower; like I was missing an integral part of my life. I was having real withdrawals missing her and even though I eventually shook it, I feel today like I am a different person.
Also during this time, another woman entered my life. She is a mutual friend, and she is amazing in every way. Smart, talented, attractive, badass, financially secure, and completely into me. We’re great friends.
Friends.
I can’t make myself give her more than that. I “like” her very, very much. We’ve been getting along great for [time since depression] years now. She’s a great companion. She knows what happened. That said, we’re both in our upper 30s, and she wants to be married and to be having kids. I’ve *only* ever wanted kids with Ms. Big Deal from paragraph two. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be monogamous anymore, even though I’m not even interested in meeting new people. I’m mostly content to work and entertain my many hobbies and business ideas.
Meanwhile, she has been trying to talk herself out of wanting a family, but I know she very much does. She deserves all of that. However, she knew I was very broken when she got onboard, and she knows that I’m not in love with her like that. I would miss her dearly, though. Ironically, I now know exactly how my ex from paragraph two felt.
AITA for not faking my own death or something to make her find someone who can give these things to her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
CZZiuFBAnKnkjCC5NLagwyRkCsEty0VV | atacv7 | {
"description": "being unsatisfied with my \"Valentine's day gift\"",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for being unsatisfied with my “Valentine’s Day gift”? | Let me just preface by saying I didn’t even expect a Valentine’s Day gift (not a big holiday for us).
Basically, he got me a fish tank. We went to the pet store a long time ago and I saw a betta I liked, and mentioned I would like to get one sometime. He went ahead and got me a tank, some substrate, and a couple little decorations (picked out by my daughter).
It was really thoughtful and I hate to sound ungrateful, but I knew what kind of tank, substrate, and decor I wanted. This is nothing like it. No big deal, really. My daughter picked it out so it’s still meaningful.
The thing that bothers me is that I’ve now sunk over $50 into this “gift” (a heater, food, water conditioner, and the betta itself). He also hovered over me the whole time I was setting up the tank, telling me what to do since he has a fish tank of his own, and basically took over the whole process. I wasn’t able to do anything myself and it didn’t even feel like a gift.
Not to mention now I have one more thing to take care of/maintain on top of our house, other pets, kids, etc etc.
I truthfully would have just appreciated some quality time and maybe a card. Am I being an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
ZzqzhDiWtE9y6Fh5Mp7sgyyAvyLuh7bp | b1ut6u | {
"description": "asking my dad what about his opinion",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my dad what about his opinion | So today, this incident happens: My boss scolded me for not taking pictures of the event at our center. However, in the "assigned tasks list" file that was sent by her, I didn't get assigned for it and she expected me to "should have automatically get on with it". Mind you, I DID NOT GET UPSET for 3 reasons: (1) I hate sales and customer service so I would catch any chance to avoid doing those tasks (2) I'm going to quit this job (3) I know this kind of management would just hurt her more in the end, especially when this center already in a deep shit. So all in all, this is just like one of those stories you can make a tweet out of it and think nothing more of it (at least to me).
So during our walking routine today, I told my dad about what happen and ask him (words by words): "What do you think about all this?" Then he got MAD at me and said:
"HOW THE HELL CAN I KNOW? I WASN'T THERE TO KNOW THE WHOLE STORY, YET YOU ASK ME WHAT I THINK?"
I snapped back immediately that I didn't ask him for A SOLUTION, I simply shared with him what happened at work today and ask how he FELT about all that. He kept saying:
"I WASN'T THERE SO I DON'T KNOW!! AND IF I WAS, I'D TELL HER THAT I WASN'T ASSIGNED THE TASK AND DONE!! DON'T ASK ME WHAT I FEEL ABOUT A SITUATION UNLESS I'M AN INSIDER"
Basically, he's angry because I'm asking his opinion about a situation that he's not the insider even though I told him EVERYTHING happened and including the context. It's like when you submit a post on this sub, instead of others writing INFO and demanding for more context, they would yell at you and get angry for "daring to ask opinion" when they lack information and not an insider.
What do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ud5Ir15z6QKdOBdZ8ORGUZ5y2tc269sE | 9w4x2f | {
"description": "telling my Landlords worker to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my Landlords worker to fuck off? | This happened in the summer. I just got home from work, while getting ready for my shower I saw a guy with a ladder and his little daughter trying to get on the roof of my Garage. Naturally I ran outside and asked him what he thinks he’s doing. He then tells me that he’s looking for Hail damage (we didn’t have any hail for months around this time). I told him that I don’t believe and told him to better fuck off and that I’m gonna call my landlord.
So the first thing I did was call my wife of course and asked if my landlord let her know that someone is coming over to check our roof for hail damage. She says no. Then I call my landlord right away asking if he sent someone over. At first he said no, so I told him what happened and then suddenly he remembered that he sent someone over to check the roof.
So I tell my landlord that I told his worker to fuck off and I said I’m going to apologize. Guy never came back so I was never able to apologize.
The thing is, where I am from in Germany it it’s pretty much known that people sometimes use their kids to distract you so someone else can pickpocket you or go into your house behind your back.
So my landlord neither told me or my wife that someone is going to check on the roofs, and also bring a child as well.
I just acted out of instinct from what i am used to.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
61bXd5dRaS41ZmTg5k0J2AXEFyu1FzFr | b67jqv | {
"description": "openly drooling over hot actors in front of my so",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for openly drooling over hot actors in front of my SO? | I’m not currently in a relationship but I have been and I’ve been wondering for a while if this is something I shouldn’t do. I’m quite the fangirl and have an obsession with a male actor for like 3 months or so and then move on to a new one. My latest obsession is Tom Cruise for instant, I love his movies and I have a picture of him from 1990 saved as my lock screen cuz he looks adorable. I did this when I was with my ex too but with like young Johnny Depp or Ian Somerhalder or whatever. It really nagged him. I wouldn’t literally say “he’s so fucking hot I want him.” But I would talk a lot about his movies or so... like I’m talking about Tom’s movies and that weird scientology shit. I tend to use gifs of them as well as oppose to random ones.
Is that a weird thing to do with your significant other? Sometimes I would even compare him to certain roles they played (cuz I really felt like they were similar).
One time we were watching a movie and he said “WOW she’s HOT.” And his mom freaked , cuz I was right there and I had to say “it’s okay I do it all the time too.”
So am I the asshole for openly drooling over hot actors who I know I will never meet or do anything intimate with? Or was he being sensitive?
Note: He was the jealous type
Note 2: he had male shirtless anime characters on his lock screen which I thought was hella weird but never asked him to change it | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
nkHKjwQtRElbFuGKsr6ldFn4VSkgjDRg | b26try | {
"description": "not giving my seat up for a lady",
"pronormative_score": 64,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not giving my seat up for a lady? | Went for brunch today and checked in for a 45 minute wait. Me and my boyfriend (we’re gay) sat down in some chairs to wait to be called back. Some straight couple comes in and is clearly upset that the wait is so long. The guy asks me to stand up so his girl can sit. I say no, a little shocked that someone would ask a stranger to give up their seat. The couple is young and looks to have no medical issues, and I’ve been here longer so why should I give up my seat? The guy gets angry and says verbatim “Dude you should always give up your seat for a lady. What’s your problem?” I’m not here for the drama, I’m here for brunch, so I just ignore him until we get called back.
AITA for not following society’s golden rule “ladies first”? As a gay man I’ve always wondered if it’s rude to not feel like it’s my god given responsibility to do anything and everything I can for a woman in public. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 63,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 64,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
2mhFVSaNqAV6JId7SFufxQizBwBzOnSN | aaskdg | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend before a series of important job interviews",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend before a series of important job interviews? | Throwaway.
Background: My (now ex) girlfriend and I are both studying to be clinical psychologists. The final year of our program requires us to do a year-long internship. Most people apply to sites around the country. This is an extremely stressful time, as you’re essentially competing with other doctoral candidates across the US for a handful of positions.
More Background: Prior to the breakup, my ex and I had been dating for about 9 months. She was very up front at the beginning of our relationship, telling me she has trust issues due to being cheated on in the past. I was willing to work through these insecurities with her. Throughout our relationship, she accused me of cheating with my coworkers, members of my cohort, friends etc. I want to be explicitly clear that I never cheated on her while we were together. At the beginning of the relationship, I was willing to deal with the accusations and assured her that I wasn’t being unfaithful. My thought process was she’d see that I was trustworthy and realize I wasn’t the type to cheat. But as time went on, the accusations didn’t stop or even lessen, and I began to become increasingly resentful which leads to the current situation...
During one of my internship interviews, I was chatting with another interviewee. She told me that she has an upcoming interview where I live. I offered to meet up for lunch when she came to my city and talk more about the site she’s applying to (I had previously worked there). I told my gf and she was furious. She called me a piece of shit and said she knew I would eventually “act like all the rest”. I broke up with her and told her not to contact me anymore. This was a few days ago. I’ve been getting messages from her friends essentially telling me what a terrible person I am for “cheating”, breaking up with her right before her series of internship interviews, and that I was intentionally trying to throw her off her game. My own friend group is split on the issue. None think I’m the asshole for breaking up with her, but the majority think it was a dick move to do it before interviews and think I should’ve waited until after (mid to late January) to leave the relationship.
So now I want Reddit’s unbiased opinion. AITA? And if so, how should I go about apologizing?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
R4FXR49ZB5zsQp9Nwir8JG3C1QJjULMP | adok6b | {
"description": "wanting my girlfriend to go down on me every so often",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my girlfriend to go down on me every so often? | We’ve been together for 5 years now and in that time she (F22) has been down on me (M23) probably 10 times - 3 times just a BJ and not foreplay to anything else.
On the other hand I go down on her before PiV sex every single time until she orgasms. We will be making out and she’ll turn on to her back to wait for me to make the first move. On top of this I give her daily back massages as she has a sore back.
I asked her to initiate once in a while and maybe go down on me and she got defensive and says she does. She says “we talked about this like 4 times already” to which I say that there in lies the issue as it’s been discuss 4 times with no result.
She says she likes it and can’t tell me why she doesn’t do it which confuses me so much. I’d be happy to drop the subject if it was to do with a past experience or trauma but this doesn’t seem to be the case.
Am I the asshole for just wanting my girlfriend to go down on me?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qoTRB151uqRFylWmK3DLImQcefdBe0bP | 9xnzal | {
"description": "getting screaming at an autistic person",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting screaming at an autistic person. | Let me start off with saying, I completely understand he's autistic and has a problem with going against borders and such. I also am completely fine with it but...
I'm mourning my grandma at her wake and he's being completely annoying and rude to everyone around him and then his circle of people tell me to go get something to eat. I do but now he's following me around and eats like a starving child whenever I try and leave the room because I told him he can't take the food out of the room. He even waited outside of the bathroom for me.
Quite honestly he's driving me up a fucking wall. My emotions are all fucked up because of the wake and I'm bottling it all up and I have this guy following me around and talking about hotdogs in front of crying people.
Now it comes to up to present time. Its a day afterwards and the funeral is an hour and a half away. Of course they come over to my house. He opened the door and shook me awake to talk to him (2 hours ago, no where near the time I should be up for how long I was up last night) I'm not even properly dressed and he started touching my shit and my computer and I just blew a gasket. I growled "I'm fucking sleeping. Get out." He gave me this terrible look and ran out the room which pissed off his parents and shit but I just locked the door and I'm about to just go back to sleep.
Oh he's also late 20s, and usually very nice he just pissed me off at a bad time. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
ch4Y2bybNP8X52ZMiA0svkcvjOfcqGxQ | ar56il | {
"description": "faking an emergency in order to leave my friends house shortly after arriving to spend the weekend with her",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for faking an emergency in order to leave my friends house shortly after arriving to spend the weekend with her? | So my friend and I made plans for me to come to her house this weekend, she lives about 2 hours away from me. For context she is married with a baby, and I, being single, have come to her house to spend the weekend many times before.
I have always knows that she is not the cleanest person out there, and her house is just kind of... grimey honestly. I don’t judge, and I would never say anything to her about it, but I am used to a cleaner, more hygienic lifestyle. She lives out in the country and doesn’t seem to mind there being bugs, even mice in her house. I usually question whether the sheets on the guest bed I sleep in are clean and fresh when I come here. But this time it’s really bad.
I arrived at her house earlier today, with the plan being that I would stay here until Sunday. Right now I am laying in bed unable to fall asleep. The sheets on the bed are very obviously dirty. There were crumbs which I brushed off, but they smell like her dog which always smells like he hasn’t had a bath in ages. There is dog hair all over the sheets and blanket, which is causing me to wheeze pretty badly from allergies/asthma.
The worst thing is that I keep hearing noises in the ceiling that sounds like some kind of animal is in the attic foraging around up there and it’s terrifying. I am scared of falling asleep in case the animal gets into the bedroom somehow. I’m not trying to sound snobby, some people are okay living like this, but I am definitely not.
So I was texting my sister kind of freaking out and she said I should fake an emergency and use it as an excuse to leave. My friend is already sleeping so I have accepted the fact that I have to sleep here tonight, but I am considering taking my sisters advice and faking something to get out of here in the morning.
I would really feel bad leaving since she really wanted to go out drinking tomorrow night but I honestly don’t think I can handle tonight here, let alone a second night.
Soooo WIBTA if I fake some kind of family emergency in order to leave in the morning?? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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K8lEsUqsbIvZgJV9tuTDx9JxEiT3mgjG | aytr61 | {
"description": "not wanting my mom's boyfriends around",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my mom's boyfriends around? | Okay so some backstory is necessary. I am a 17 year old girl and I live with my mom because my parents recently got divorced. My mom gets lonely easily so she dates lots of guys, but it doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is that she takes advantage of the fact that I'm dependent on her.
The first one was a POS. The man was a crackhead, would yell at her and call her names in front of me and my little siblings, and he was physically abusive to her. I convinced her to leave him after he tried to get with my 16 year old sister.
The second one was a drug dealer who was actually pretty cool. He was nice, funny, and took care of us. Unfortunately, this illusion disappeared not long after he paid the rent for the first time. He would make my mom deliver drugs, smoke in the house knowing my brother has asthma, and he would mentally abuse my mom. She left him after she almost got caught by the cops.
Guy number three is the current guy. When my mother told us she had a new boyfriend, I asked her not to bring him around until she was serious about him because I'm worried about the effect it'll have on my siblings to have so many guys coming into and out of our lives. Not to mention my mother's impeccable skill to find the worst POS possible. She yelled at me and said I have no choice in the matter and brought him around anyway. My asshole-meter is going off the charts and I avoid him when I can. She's mad at me and I can tell she wishes I had gone to live with my dad and now I'm starting to wish I had.
Am I the ass for not wanting her to bring her new boyfriend around? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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KIjpxunhJSlH6uWjumiR80nPiN5X22r1 | 9wcyh9 | {
"description": "refusing to buy back my friend's share in our business",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to buy back my friend's share in our business? | They say the fastest way to lose a good friend is to start a business together, and I now know it's true.
So I have a (former) close friend, let's call her K. We, from what I gathered talking to her, have a pretty close understanding of how to work a business. So we, together with 2 more good friends of mine, started a small side gig last year. The starting capital is quite small actually, only $50k, in which I hold 40%, and each of the others 20%. We all have a role in the company, with me being the overall manager who's responsible for the ultimate success or failure of the business.
The business started off great. Thanks to our good starting location, we have customers right away, some loyal even. Within 6 months, the business made enough to sustain itself, and to even pay the founders a small, symbolic "salary" every month. We were happy, and whatever differences got swept under the table.
But alas, good things don't usually last! The last 3 months had been brutal. Revenue down 70%, some loyal customers left, we had difficulties finding new customers. I had to pump in a few grands to keep it afloat. Then the difference in personality became more pronounced. She was (and please note that you are following the story under my perspective) bossy and wanted things to be HER way. What's more, I perceived her to be... ineffectual at whatever job she did (managing the sales & marketing team), so, as the person ultimately responsible, I felt the need to tell her that she has not done a great job and needed to change. You know, good friends giving each other advice and all that. I tried to be as tactful and non-confrontational as possible.
Boy oh boy, what a bad decision. She went full nuclear. Arguments became a mainstay on the menu at all meetings. Tension was high. She thought the remaining 2 had not done as much as she did, and refused to set a stellar example and be more punctual and responsive. Instead, she started putting off tasks I gave her, and missed deadline after deadline. Even after all that, I tried to compose myself and encourage her instead of beleaguering her. I wanted to keep the team spirit high.
Well, things went south quick two months ago. During one of our regular meetings, I said a few things that shouldn't have been said, to the effect of "This company cannot have more than 1 boss - We already had someone to call the shots around here (me), now we need others to make the shots". OK my bad for losing my cool, but it's the truth. K broke into a fit, then fell silence. The meeting concluded shortly after and nothing was solved.
A week later she submitted a resignation, claiming health issues. She said that she'll try her best to pass on her duties to one of her salespeople, and that she won't withdraw her share in the company in the near future. She wished us good luck.
Guess what? Both of those are lies. Her sales quit one after another (I should say that she had a habit of hiring people close to her - friends, cousins, old colleagues etc.), and she demanded that we (the company) buy back her shares so she can have a surgery for her illness. Well, not K per se -- she didn't even deign to talk to us, but instead sent her HUSBAND to talk on her behalf, at our BOD meeting. Now, her husband was friends with all of us, sure, but his name is not on the list of shareholders. K's name is, and she didn't even produce at least a piece of paper to let him represent her in the meeting. Damn. Her husband then implied that the stress WE put on her caused her illness. I'm sorry, what? You signed up for this in the first place. Starting up was never easy, of course there'll be stresses!
Anyway, I am more than capable to purchase back all of her shares. But seeing as our business was bleeding money, and that she left the company during its hardest time AND her actions exacerbated the problems... I don't want to. No way. Nuh-uh. Not right now. I will, eventually, when the company has steadied its course and ready to pay dividend. That's when I'll buy her shares back and earn the dividend for myself. Luckily the other 2 supported me (they didn't know each other before starting the company, I introduced them all together), so her 20% vote means nothing.
Am I bitter? Petty? Yes, I admit as much. But am I the asshole, in this case? Would you have done the same?
Your call. | HISTORICAL | {
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D5BIAQhI3I3oMWoVFH2No1DqIbtCIDYb | aodccd | {
"description": "causing my roommate to get kicked out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for causing my roommate to get kicked out? | This story goes back far so I’m going to do my best to summarize it.
One of my best friends has been my roommate for years. I do love the guy, he’s clean, organized, and honestly a great guy to hang out with. However, recently he’s become more of a burden because he doesn’t understand how to budget his finances. He is the type of person to start and stop projects without actually finishing, for example college. The concept of money doesn’t really exist, and hasn’t up until now.
He had a car payment on a luxury vehicle he cannot afford, he has student loans from one semester of college (the money he spent on paying off other debts), money owed to creditors like those “get 1,000” schemes you hear on the radio. Basically, the guy is in over his head in debt. Recently, he was diagnosed with some sort of depression disorder and sever anxiety, which I would be in too if I put myself in a situation like he has.
For the most part, he has been barely scraping by on rent. The overwhelming amount of debt he has accumulating is stacking like crazy and he can barely afford to put gas into his car. I’ve told him to stop smoking weed and drinking to cut down on expenses. It seemed to work at first, until he started drinking all my beer in a single night and smoking most of my weed in a sitting. I also said he could eat some of my food too, but that turned into over half it.
I confronted him about all of this, and he told me he has depression and can’t afford anything. I don’t doubt he’s depressed or whatever, but I don’t think he has any concept of what he’s doing to me financially. Sure, he’s paying rent but he’s eating for free, drinking for free, smoking for free, and using all the shit I buy for free. We’ve had multiple conversations about it, always ending with him complaining about depression and financial problems.
Everything culminated in a massive argument, both of us saying shit we don’t mean about each other. I had the upper hand, my father owns the place and he hadn’t signed a lease for this year. I called my Dad and told him my friend needs to get out and explained the bare details of what was going on. He called told my friend it was time to move out.
Now he’s couch surfing (he doesn’t own furniture just clothes, a laptop, and a guitar), and telling everyone what a shitty person I am. I have friends calling me saying I never should have done anything because of the tough time he’s having. People telling me a shitty friend. I haven’t spoken a word about what happened, all I’ve said is “this is on him, I don’t want to talk about it”. Now there’s elaborate stories going around sending me on a guilt trip, some of it true some fabricated.
I tried to confront him, but he has me blocked on everything and is telling everyone we know I kicked him while he was down.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
l6W5ICixTRgTaUwAKQjMBeuRXDmyCwpp | askgwq | {
"description": "only being sexually interested in my own race",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for only being sexually interested in my own race? | I've stated on a few occasions to girls who've had crushes on me (they were different races) that I was only sexually interested in people of my race. They called me racist. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Fh98KwVwFanC5FJ7iYT1RrAC1cXioEQb | atlqw5 | {
"description": "asking my in-laws to pay me back",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for asking my in-laws to pay me back? | So 3 months ago I (20/F) went on a 3 week vacation trip to Mexico, with my boyfriend (21/m), my BIL (16), and my SIL (10). I paid my expenses, boyfriend paid for his, my parents in law (PIL) paid for BIL & SIL. I left over some money so when I would come back to USA I would have money for my bills and I wouldn’t be struggling until my next paycheck.
Anyways, on the day that we leave back to USA, it turns out our tickets didn’t include our bags so we had to pay around 75$ each for our bags. I paid for mine, no problem. But then my bf realizes he doesn’t have enough to pay for them 3. I think it’s worth mentioning that my father in law had wanted my bf to throw a farewell party the day before we left, with their family members... which left them with no money. My bf did not want to throw the party but his father insisted. Anyway, he asked me if I could let him borrow the 3500 pesos (around 188$) I had left to pay for his siblings bags. I was hesitant at first because it was all the money I had left, but my bf and my BIL promised me that their father would pay me back since it was for BIL & SIL.
I paid for their luggage and came back to USA with 0$ to my name. I ended up having a negative balance on my card and I’ve been trying to recover from this trip for a while now. Now it’s been almost two months, and I ask my boyfriend when my PIL are going to pay me back because I could really use my money, and he tells me he will ask his parents again.
Today he asked his mom when they will pay me back and she got angry. She said I am very “fijada” which roughly translates to I’m very ungrateful. She says because sometimes I eat at their house, why am I charging them for the luggage fees and that they will start charging me for things too. My bf defended me saying that I buy my siblings in law food at times too, when I owe them money I pay them on time, etc. Plus to her, damn near 200$ may not seem like a lot, but for a 20 year old who gets paid 400$ working a part-time, it’s almost half my paycheck! Does she think I shit money? I could of easily said no and let my BIL and SIL leave their luggages in Mexico but I didn’t and I came back with 0$ to my name and had to end up even borrowing money to pay my bills.
So Reddit, am I an asshole for wanting my PIL to pay me back? I admit I do eat at their house at times, and my MIL gifts me clothes from her store, but again I do not ask her to give me things, and if eating at their house is such a big deal I will stop. My boyfriend currently lost his job so I’ve been helping him financially too. I’ve been helping her son but she still thinks I’m ungrateful. Am I really an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Jg09Hn62te0LJMoeQ8YWHExo5RCVXer0 | aejp9q | {
"description": "being hurt my friend always makes fun of me and I fake laugh with her and she says some kind of mean things (that are true) but says she does it cause she loves me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being hurt my friend always makes fun of me and I fake laugh with her and she says some kind of mean things (that are true) but says she does it cause she loves me? | She also is very sweet and wants to hangout with me and gets me presents and food.
I’m kind of hurt because I felt like she said I was her best friend when she had no one and now she has people around and she has withdrawn from me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HjfnMhHHlNUGz1rz38QdYkKPjPItGP01 | ba02xo | {
"description": "still being friends with a girl I had sex with once",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for still being friends with a girl I had sex with once? | I have a friend that I enjoy being with, let's name her K, and I have known her for longer that my current gf, we had casual sex once half a year ago and that didn't affect our relationship, but we agreed to not doing it again.
My current gf had a disagreement with K and she hates her now, and K kind of stopped talking to me since that problem, but today I had the opportunity to fix things with K, and we are friends again, we took a group photo with her and two of other friends, she uploaded it to his insta story. Not even 10 minutes later I receive a message from my gf, who is now mad because I talked to her.
She now wants me to stop talking to K completely, even tho she knew K and I where friends before I even met her.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nQvSyatCHw1hIc3XurxXKqpwTdA6TG3g | ajzf0v | {
"description": "designing a tattoo for my sister commemorating our late grandpa then, after she got it, telling her I hate it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for designing a tattoo for my sister commemorating our late grandpa then, after she got it, telling her I hate it? | The design itself had many details that were very specifically important. For example the plane was designed as a B-52 (a very distinct shape) and instead looks like a jet liner (or a butt plug w wings...). And the necklace was something our grandpa made for us as kids using mountain laurel BEANS and some beautiful stones he would harvest himself, but the artist made it look like some crappy etsy child’s arts and crafts project... also I spent a lot of time making the plane perspectively come from the central vanishing point (accenting the radial lines of the circle) and it looks like he just pasted that shit on.
BTW she asked me to design this THE DAY BEFORE HER APPOINTMENT! | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bCyzeAJKvXsbS4fGaLE9fdiTs3fAH2Tu | ar8na4 | {
"description": "expressing genuine concern over local vigilante group",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for expressing genuine concern over local vigilante group? | My home estate/neighbourhood is quite a nice place, and unfortunately that attracts burglars and vandals, loitering and antisocial behaviour.
A friend of mine’s husband and 3 other residents proposed we as an estate come together to form a private security firm, run by residents, staffed by residents, and each household pays a pound a week towards operating costs. Staff were proposed to be trained, armed with non-lethal weapons, trained to restrain and detain where necessary etc....so I joined the residents forum as a potential funder of this. My partner is a police officer so I know how strained the police are.
Unfortunately they have decided to mobilise before the project is a legit operation and they have civilians confronting criminals who could potentially be armed. This is the UK so it’s likely “just” knives and the like. But it’s still dangerous.
A post went up yesterday by my friend along the lines of “well done to *husband* for attending an incident on *street* this evening” so I commented with “Oh my god! I have serious concerns about this, I’ll PM you”
Her husband replied (can’t remember what) but I went to reply and I had been removed from the group. I messaged my friend, expressing genuine concern. I unfortunately didn’t screenshot it, but I said something along the lines of “your kids need their dad, I’d hate your husband to get hurt doing what is borderline vigilante work when untrained and unarmed” and she gave me no end of crap about how she deserves to feel safe in her home, police would take too long to respond etc etc and she made out that I can’t be trusted (she thinks my partner will report this at work - which he probably would if I told him about their operation) and that I’m selfish and all kinds of really personal stuff I won’t get into.
I suffer anxiety and I’m worried I’ve been an asshole by suggesting they shut down for the time being until they have the proper permits and passes. :( AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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zPxTCJZW5gybP2ytkDTLzYwWSRMGeLpv | agt1rm | null | AITA: Haven't spoken with my mother since Christmas because of some fighting | I'm a M 17 and as the title suggests I haven't spoken with my mom at all recently because of a string of things that have gone down. I feel I might be stubborn, but I feel like I should stand with my conviction. Let me know, am I the asshole?
&#x200B;
Warning, this is a bit of a read.
For background, my mom isn't the smartest of people. She is spineless and a great procrastinator but I love her. She had a friend (his name is Kyle, changed) who she had a kid with. She suggested that they were still friends despite his failure to attend the child or even show up to the hospital during her labor, which I witnessed. Kyle, in my opinion, was an asshole. Not only because he was an absent father, but he took the victim role in all arguments my mom put up against him. But this post isn't about Kyle.
Despite the obvious signs, my mom stayed with him. Both me and my father had warned her and told her to get away from the guy because he was a scumbag, etc etc that didn't end well. They don't talk anymore and she was left in the dust as the two of us thought.
Jumping forward, my mom lives in a two-story house that my dad owns and rents the top floor to some guy (we'll call him James). James had lived up there long before my dad bought the house and he had a girlfriend for about four months. Not long after my mom moved in, though, she started to get really friendly with the upstairs tennant, even though she knew that he had a girlfriend and that she was being a homewrecker. This made me lose a lot of respect for my mom, even when I tried to convince myself that she was an adult and could make her own decisions. This was something that really bothered me, enough to make me stay out of her house for a few weeks before Thanksgiving.
On Thanksgiving day, I went to a party with my entire family at my Grandparents house. Big, busy and very full of commotion. I drove myself up to the house alone and my mom drove up my two little brothers, who both stay with her at her house. The party was great, stayed there for a good amount of time. My mom on the other hand wanted to go home because my youngest brother, the child of Kyle, was acting up. She yelled to me from across the room to drive my middle brother (14) home because he wanted to stay longer.
My car didn't have the gas to drive the distance between my mom's house and my dad's house, not to mention the thirty minute drive back from my grandparents. I told her that I couldn't drive my brother home and told her no. She became angry and escalated, threatening me and yelling from across the room in front of family. Long story short, that was embarrassing and I ended up needing to get money from a grandparent for the gas because I didn't have money on me and my mom refused to lend me cash before leaving. Between then and Christmas, we didn't talk much unless she needed me to watch my little brother.
Finally, getting to the height of the argument, Christmas day. Another party at my grandparents house that I had gone to, the same driving situation as Thanksgiving. Had a wonderful time with family but I had to leave early because I had to work the next morning and I didn't want to be really tired. I went downstairs, where my brother was with my aunt and cousins, to tell him I was heading out. My aunt, who came with her boyfriend and three kids, had no way to get home except to wait for my grandparents (moms side) to finish playing cards and driver her home. Like me, she and boyfriend had work, which I understood. I agreed to drive the two of them and their kids home.
But my mom had other plans; the moment she heard that I was heading out, she asked me to drive my brother home. My brother hadn't asked to stay longer, but she knew he wanted to leave. Again, like Thanksgiving, I said no. Not because I didn't want to, but because my tiny Ford Fusion wasn't going to drive more than four people, let alone six excluding me. This put off my mom, and she demanded that I do so. But, again, I declined. What she said next took me so off guard that I thought she was joking:
"Drive your brother home in the trunk, then, I dunno!"
At first I just laughed because I thought she was entirely joking. Driving home on Christmas by itself with so many passengers was dangerous alone because of common drunk drivers, but with my brother in the trunk with the many presents and bags? That wasn't going to happen. Once I realized she was being serious, I firmly told her that I wasn't going to do that. Not only did it threaten the legality of my driving and my license, but it threatened my little brother's life because if I had gotten into a car accident he would die. In that, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Following some back and forth, she threatened to call my dad and have him force me. Which, thinking back on it, I should've just waited on the call and had him tell her off there and then. But I am deathly scared of my dad, and on Thanksgiving I had gotten in trouble with him about what happened then. Didn't want that to happen twice, so I walked away to start my car. Hoping she would forget about it if she thought for a second.
Coming back in, she demanded, again, that I drive my brother home *in the trunk*. Though she went on to say that she got off the phone with my dad and that he told me to do as she said. Shocked and utterly in disbelief, I loaded my car full of people, bags, and inevitably, my brother in the trunk.
I drove for over ten miles under five miles under the speed limit having a panic attack, trying not to burst into tears in the front seat. Scared of getting my brother killed until I dropped off my aunt and put him in the front seat.
&#x200B;
Skip ahead some days, I learned my dad never spoke with my dad on the phone and he agreed that I shouldn't have done anything like put my brother in the trunk. This made me furious, and since then, I refused to say a word to my mom. I felt cheated and offended that she would put her son in harms way to win that argument, or prove a point... I wasn't sure what she was thinking.
&#x200B;
TLDR; mom forced me to drive my brother in the trunk because of overcrowding, refused to see her since
&#x200B;
Am I the asshole here? I tried telling it neutrally, let me know if you need more info. | HISTORICAL | {
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rFBu0iiW5V98pgvKERUSeZVzC8Hrn1yU | axsbyv | null | AITA, Planned wedding for over a year, sister gets pregnant and mad at me because she can't go | Hi all! LTL, FTP. Excuse formatting, on mobile.
I've been planning my wedding with my fiancee for over a year now. My family and his family both live in different countries, so I set up an affordable midpoint for our wedding. It's supposed to be small and intimate, parents, siblings, grandparents. I have had a round about date in mind and had this known to my family for about a year now, think last July I gave them a 1 year notice.
Just called my sister to be my maid of honor and she tells me she can't go. She is pregnant and doesn't want to travel without her husband who can't take vacation time. Then she went on to how she personally can't afford it and I've offered to pay for her to go. Then she went back to using her husband as a scapegoat for why she can't go, saying she will be alone... She has me, who is an EMT, and my future mother in law who is an OB/GYN. Then she started to shout over me telling me I should have made my wedding earlier so she could come. Meanwhile, her pregnancy was 100% planned and she knew she would be a month and a half shy of her delivery date on the day of my wedding.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
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t1v5k5nQ3rTPbdWQifMSWPivXWGGSlBm | b36s1q | {
"description": "never wanting to see my brother again",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for never wanting to see my brother again? | TL;DR at the end.
Pretty much what the title says, I (21 M) never want to see my brother (23 M) again. My brother is a bipolar schizophrenic, and this has made my life hell for as long as I can remember. I understand that strictly speaking his illnesses are to blame for his behavior and it’s not *actually* him who has hurt me and made my life miserable. However, despite this, I still do not want to see him, I find it immensely hard to be around him or to see him, or frankly even talk about him.
I told my mom as much, and she supported my decision to not have him as part of my life because of all that I have been through, but in the past she has expressed to me that she would like for me to interact with him and that it would be good for the both of us, since he has been steadily getting better since entering an assisted living program to help his mental health and teach him how to live as a functional member of society. Despite the fact that she said she accepted my choice and supported me, I saw an undeniable sadness in her eyes when I did, and I feel terrible for being the reason we can never really be a family again. She would never say that to me and maybe I’m just over thinking things, but I feel like an asshole for not even wanting to consider reconciliation because of all that transpired over the years. So AITA for not wanting to see him again and just wanting to try to move on with my life without him being any part of it?
TL;DR: AITA for not wanting to see my bipolar schizophrenic brother because of all the pain and struggle he has caused me over the years? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vHpBV6lWgPCsvowvjCswnrDNAE2o2mul | ax2xej | {
"description": "saying I would call the police on my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for saying I would call the police on my friends? | So, my friends were in a group chat and were talking about assaulting someone as “revenge”. Now the person they were talking about did some seriously messed up stuff and so they viewed it as a form of revenge.
I became upset because my view is it would solve nothing. They said they wouldn’t actually do it. But when it came up that I would call the cops on them if they did, they said I was the bad guy.
Essentially it boiled down to the person deserved it and who am I to judge them if the assaulted him. I said it was a moral argument and that it is not their place to make decisions like this as they aren’t police. They said if it’s not their place, why is it mine.
I’m still worried about these people, and I do care about them. They are all perfectly capable of actually assaulting someone as well.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
qPPqq876DQrIjdDhQoGerw69nFXz68rs | apjtdx | {
"description": "wanting to spend my money for something for me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to spend my money for something for me? | So, I made a throwaway for this, just in case. Sorry if it gets too long.
I've been dating my BF for almost 3 years. He's in college and works part-time, I've been a teacher working full-time for 1 year now. While the salary is not great, I get by (I still live with my parents and so does he).
Well, he is about to change jobs, and recently told me that I will have to (he said it like that) pay for his university course for some months until he gets paid in his new job, as his family is not in a position to do so, which is completely understandable.
Now, for me it's not really a problem, I've been helping him pay for some things here and there because the money from his job goes ALL to pay for university (it has gotten really expensive, luckily this is his last year) and he has the intention to give me all back when he is in a position to do it.
The thing is, some colleagues have invited me to a holiday they're are planning and I want to go, because I haven't been on a holiday for really long and it would be a nice experience. When he told me about this issue, I told him about my possible plans, and he got kind of angry? defensive? because for starters, I didn't tell him right away. Honestly, it just slipped my mind, my friends and I had just talked about this idea some days before, we don't have anything definite, and also some days passed before I saw my BF again. I just forgot about it.
I want to help him, but I still want to go on this holiday. It's not that I never do anything for him, I generally pay for our dates and all that (which again, I do it happily because we're a couple and sometimes things can get like this), but he didn't like the idea one bit, he considers it kind of selfish.
I did the maths and I think that by living frugally for these months, I can afford both things, but AITA for considering doing something nice for me with my money? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
T6oFf9Taz14uXX47ZgYjfWd8eW2EjxMA | ay36u2 | {
"description": "lashing out at my partner and calling them an absolute disgrace after they interrupted me while I was browsing YouTube",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for lashing out at my partner and calling them an absolute disgrace after they interrupted me while I was browsing YouTube? | My partner and I know one another's reddit and browsing it I saw they made a post about me into a subreddit...so I feel like I need to know.
I was pretty much intensely into what I was watching at that point and they interrupted me about three times, asking what I was watching. The first two times I just told them to shut up and let me watch but the third time it really got to me so I just lashed out... Maybe I shouldn't have because they seemed so hurt but I feel like you shouldn't interrupt someone while they're clearly focused on another thing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
uM3Iuy4GvKrkjOWyooi5FQIgQed1UwlC | avylkj | {
"description": "asking when my boyfriend is sexually ready",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking when my boyfriend is sexually ready? | My boyfriend (28M) and I and I (24F) have been going out for around three weeks now. However he’s sexually inexperienced (only had sex once, and never done any foreplay). That doesn’t bother me, but I do have a high sex drive. He told me before that he wants to wait until I meet his mum at the very least before we have sex.
Tonight I asked him how he feels about foreplay before I meet his mum or after, and he said he wants it to be natural and to do it whenever it ‘feels right.’ I responded that his stance on sex wasn’t when it feels right, but has an actual timing (me meeting his mum). Then he said I was killing the mood and I apologised and said I wouldn’t ask him anymore.
It’s my birthday today and I’m meant to be seeing him and staying over at his. That’s why I asked him how he felt about foreplay, because I’ll be quite sexually frustrated if I’m sleeping next to him. I’m going to dinner with him, but considering not staying over now because I feel hurt from his comments.
AITA for asking my boyfriend when he’s sexually ready, or was I pushing him too much? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
aSj4OaenxNpPeJ4u5HIEDRGIFN2ftPEZ | ayhg47 | {
"description": "wanting my girlfriend and to change our lifestyle",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my girlfriend and to change our lifestyle? | All we do is sit around and do nothing all day. She's gone back and forth with me over working out and being healthy. One day she's all for it the next it's lets stay home and eat junk food. I found out I actually enjoy going and wanna keep going. She asked "why am I trying to make her do this?" Or "do you want me to just change who I am? Cause I won't" so... yeah I'm just wondering I feel like I am. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
n6bABr2fLqvYiG8MU0hRMbHanHacc6RJ | b7qadd | {
"description": "hiding a spider from my boyfriend as light hearted revenge for him being messy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for hiding a spider from my boyfriend as light hearted revenge for him being messy? | Yesterday morning, my boyfriend and I were waking up when I saw a scary black spider scurrying across the floor. I'm pretty scared of spiders, and I think he's about the same level of terrified of them.
Also somewhat relevant, he is between housing situations and staying with me in my studio for a month until he moves into his new place. He is messier than me, and has probably created many homes for spiders with the piles of things he has left around. He has improved though and he's awesome and responsive to criticism. Just a lot of two steps forward one step back progress.
I said something like, "Holy shit, look at that spider!" He leapt back in alarm and then looked at it carefully from a safe distance. He asked me to quickly grab a cup before it got away, so I ran to the kitchen.
I use glass jam jars as cups, and that was the first thing I saw so I grabbed one and brought it to him. Once the spider was under the jar he asked for a lid. I had saved all the lids, so I tried a lid on another old jam jar before I brought it back. When I had the second jam jar in my hand is when I started plotting.
He captured and jarred the spider, sealing the lid tightly. He set the spider jar on the bookshelf and started to get his shoes on. While he was doing that I grabbed the other matching jar, lidded it, and while he was bent over putting his shoes on in front of the shelf I reached over him and swapped the two jars. I put a blanket over myself to go outside (it was cold too) so that he wouldn't see the spider jar in my pocket.
I started inspecting the empty jar carefully. I told him to have a look, and that it looked like the spider was gone. We both carefully looked at the jar for a bit, trying to spot the spider. He became more and more freaked out, shaking the jar, looking around the bookshelf. I say something like "we'll never find it with all these clothes and snacks around the apartment". Finally he ran out of my apartment, saying he was going to open it outside to check that it was really gone.
I went with him, spider jar in my pocket. He opened the empty jar carefully, then moved back from it to inspect from a distance. When it was clear there was no spider he started freaking out, saying there's no way it could have gotten out but it did so it must be in the apartment and it must be angry and out for spider revenge. He started crying, and saying he was going to go to his friends house for the night and maybe move his stuff there later, and that he can't go back in my apartment.
I didn't expect things to go so far. I pull out the spider jar and show him that the spider is still in captivity, it was just a dumb prank, and apologize. He freezes, then quietly takes the jar from me and goes and lets the spider out in the grass.
He hasn't talked to me since. I really thought it was a harmless prank. I do feel bad and apologized to him.
My question is, AITA to the point where not talking to me for over a day is warranted? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
h54g9fRsg2Q8LaAmjwbKQCYBbrjaf8Ac | b853wk | {
"description": "not wanting my friends to host a troubled person",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my friends to host a troubled person? | Please read. Sorry for my English, length and format. Here we go: my BFF (f) decided to help one of her friends (M) and to let her move into her flat. So far, so good, but I don't want it. I'm worried because, well.... M is a fucking train wreck. Let me explain: l already feel like a complete cunt to say this because things were never good into M's home (her family is a disaster) and seeing this l can just say that I can understand why she acts the way she act but..... Let me give some examples. She totally lack common sense.
She doesn't understand money. If she has some cash she will just waste it on useless stuff (she bought a dog without even having a house) and complain because she doesn't have it anymore and she is poor.
She has very bad higyen issues. Due to her family life she used to live in total squalor, and she is incapable of tell filthy from clean :in her old house she NEVER changed her sheets, picked up her dog's crap , washed anything and seldom changed her clothes ( her reasoning: they aren't stained, so they are clean); while I'm sorry for this, I'm concerned for my friend: her health is pretty frail, and she is often ill, plus she is a very tidy person. And these are the smallest things.
If there is a poster girl of too dumb to live, that's M. She doesn't understand that crossing the road without watching is dangerous just like she doesn't understand that unprotected sex leads to pregnancies: she already has had two abortions (I'm not against it, just.... Why when you could use condoms and avoid stds?????) and still asks us if having sex while standing on top can lead to a pregnancy or if you can get pregnant giving a bj. Until now, you can think of her like a sad tragic Kevina, but the real issue are her acquaintances: she is a bad people magnet. Robbers, junkies, drug dealers are her friends, and she will bring them with her if you let her move into your house. two of my friends have let her in: they houses have been robbed, damaged or used as a brothel ( ah, M was being pimped by her boyfriend. She said that since she was his gf it wasn't pimping). They even found two needles. She also gave to her friends the keys of the houses without consulting my friends first (both the times). they were forced to change their locks, and received anonymous death threats for this, and one of them was also punched in the face by one of M's friends that did not want to leave. She still couldn't understand why they kicked her out, since she wasn't the one that did drugs or stole. The point is: I'm sure M will just die or be sold as a sex slave or something if someone doesn't help her, but I'm terrified that something could happen to F. She means the world to me. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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"RIGHT": 2,
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lc2eyTy6x2gvBXi0CVkGYYQgpRqOlPLz | aa0ani | null | Aita | Neighbors called animal control on me for informing them that the breeding colony of feral cats would have animal control called to remove them from my property. They carry diseases, poop everywhere, tear open any loose garbage, sit underneath your car etc. Said that I threatened her "free range pets". So I put racoon traps around my property and turn them in to animal control since. Feral cat Phyllis who feeds the growing population is a pain in the ass. Animal control officer agreed as he has been our to our neighborhood repeatedly for the last 3 years. Btw I have two rescue main coons, spayed and neutered shots etc. I don't hate cats but I dislike picking up garbage and wild cat turds out of my lawn. Aita | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
H9pmmcfKOcUnXcjROrq8lKdKjBiSnNCQ | aw6owy | {
"description": "telling my sister she looks for excuses to get upset",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling my sister she looks for excuses to get upset? | My sister is 30 years old and graduated with a Liberal Arts degree from a local university.
&#x200B;
Today she sent me, my mom, and my dad a pdf of a letter from some of her old professors saying that they reject the "disinvitation" of a speaker to the graduating class of the English Lit/Social Science program. Her email only said "I'm so fed up of this shit. This is such bullshit. I wrote back to the professors giving them my support over this crap".
&#x200B;
I replied with "Why are you so upset? How does this affect you? Do you even know who the speaker is? Or what they wrote about? It sounds like you want to be upset by something"
&#x200B;
She wrote back that I was being an asshole and that she didn't "know anything about the guy, but my professor said he isn't sexist or homophobic". I did some research on my own and found a recent interview he gave where he said that women are obviously ill-suited to leadership or science-heavy roles and that gay men/lesbians are "shameful".
&#x200B;
So I replied, sent her the link to the interview and said "this is why people are upset. You got immediately emotionally invested and worked up, and even wrote back to your prof, with literally 0 knowledge on the subject. You didn't bother to even google the guy/issue and see what the controversy was, just formed an opinion because someone told you to".
&#x200B;
She got really upset and demanded that I apologize to her for being aggressive and rude. I refused and said that I wasn't sorry for telling her to do her own research on a topic before getting upset and engage in some critical thought.
&#x200B;
Now she and both my parents are upset saying that I went over the line, that I should apologize, and that I should reflect on how I speak to family.
&#x200B;
I tried to be as comprehensive here, but let me know if you have any questions/need more info.
&#x200B;
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
2YeZ6QKRqe3wWR28rW3oHpavXQ77lYB3 | b9lrh3 | {
"description": "campaigning fiercely to outcast someone from our social circle",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for campaigning fiercely to outcast someone from our social circle? | I'll call him Richard.
&#x200B;
This all began the summer before my junior year. My friends and I have been going into town after school on Friday since eighth grade, and over the summer we'd gang up if folks were in town. The summer before junior year, Richard, a mutual friend, was inducted into the group. He went to the other of two high schools in the district, but I didn't know him as well as others did.
&#x200B;
Richard was a fine addition at first. He was fun to be around the first couple of times. After a while, he started to annoy me. But other people were enjoying his presence so I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it. Richard quickly became "one of the boys" and I gradually became more and more annoyed by him. I found out towards the end of the summer that Richard was transferring to my high school. ~~Of course, I was thrilled.~~ I decided since my issues with Richard were mostly a personality clash, I would give him a shot, considering I'd see him on a near daily basis. That chance didn't last long.
&#x200B;
Richard has done the following:
* He sent in a group chat a photo of a halved cat, guts spilling out. We told him that wasn't cool. He sent the photo three more times.
* He screamed "n\*\*\*\*" out the window of his car while speeding down residential roads at \~60mph. Richard is white.
* He's been creepy-flirty with female friends, despite having a girlfriend.
* This relationship won't last much longer. He detailed how he's gonna break her heart pretty soon. She's nice doesn't deserve it.
* He constantly talks about how privileged he is in the douchiest way possible, and regularly describes himself as an alpha male.
* While ill on a school trip, he shit in a hotel bed, but hid his pants behind a dresser, and left the mess for housekeeping to deal with.
&#x200B;
I lost my last straw a few Fridays ago when five friends (Richard included) and I went to a burger joint to eat. Richard was high out of his mind when we sat down. This is not uncommon for him. He probably drove there high too. He regularly called over our server, often when they were already helping someone else, for the most insignificant reasons. He ordered his food before the rest of us were ready because he couldn't wait 5 minutes. When he got his food, he deemed his bun to be insufficient for his burger and demanded a larger bun, even after we insisted to him that those were the only buns available. He audibly made fun of other customers, and took a picture of a man he thought looked like Walter White with his shutter sound on. I asked for the check as soon as possible because I wanted out of that situation. I don't think Richard tipped.
&#x200B;
**WIBTA for campaigning fiercely to outcast Richard from our social circle?** I'm not the only person who has issues with him, but everyone else is afraid of confrontation. I'm afraid this will cause weird tensions among mutual friends who have known him longer than I have. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Z2LNli1SpvAV8uYr6gL8NjDK7XOfURoA | a8xd08 | {
"description": "insisting that my friends should try harder at school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for insisting that my friends should try harder at school? | I've been studying at my current school for 6 years now, and though I had a rocky relationship with everyone at first, I made friends with 4 other girls who I consider best friends: A, B, C and E. A and B are probably the most intelligent students in our class and the ones I'm closest to, and C and E are not exactly horrible students, they're just bad.
Now, I'm in no position to call them dumb, nor is it my wish to do so. I'm no genius either, but I'm an average student with mostly 8s and 9s grades (out of 10). They're my friends and I'd never consider them dumb, but there's one thing that pisses me off:
Whenever a year starts, C and E decide they'll study hard and try their best and not go to rec on any subject. First three months pass by, and they start not going to school, missing classes, not paying attention and speaking in class. I call them out for it, reminding them of last year, and they shut me off completely. A and B turn away and C and E group up on me saying that I'm rude and nosy and shouldn't be saying those things.
First week of exams comes by, and they get low grades. I see that they feel sad and encourage that they can do better next exams and try to support them. Then, next trimester comes and the exact same thing happens. Until we get to the end of the year, and they simply give up. "Oh, I don't know this subject. I won't study it, since I know I won't be passing anyway"
I call them out on it, say it's irresponsible and that they should try exactly because they don't understand it. I offer help and once again they say I'm a pain in the ass and that I'm wrong and that I should leave them alone. Again, it's me against the two of them and I just get so frustrated. End of year comes, and they are crying that they didn't pass in 5 subjects and how they'll try, and how they should've looked for help and I just can't help but cringe.
I know I probably should leave them alone, but knowing they'll end up sad and in a bad position at school I just can't bring myself to do it. I know they could do wonders if they stopped missing classes and started paying attention to them instead. I tell myself I insist because I want to see them happy, but they've told me so many times I'm wrong that I just feel like I'm the asshole in the story. Am I? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
LVvhudtGPwhsyCZJhEmQ1rMr23HFIacl | a3j67i | {
"description": "turning on my friend who wouldn't leave her abusive partner",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for turning on my friend who wouldn't leave her abusive partner? | Now I'm aware that sounds very assholeish but hear me out. My friend (Jane) was in an abusive relationship. Throughout the relationship myself and several other friends had continually supported her. I don't believe it was Janes fault she got abused and I never pressured her to leave. I know leaving an abuser is not as simple as that, and she would leave when she was ready. It was a frustrating relationship to watch. He'd cheat. She'd cheat. He'd lie, she'd lie. She had a temper and he had a worse temper. Jane wasn't perfect but we had been friends for a very long time. Now eventually her boyfriend went to jail for around 18 months. She was sure to tell everyone the terrible things he did to her and how awful he was, and I completely agreed. He was awful and with him gone she could finally get her life together for herself and her son. Well 18 months pass and he gets out of jail. My friend tells me she's been having sex with him and has some master revenge plan. She's going to make him fall in love with her and then break his heart. Ok whatever. Time passes and he tells her that he slept with her friend (Carey). Carey denies this, saying he's full of shit an he's just saying this to get back at Jayne. Jayne will not drop this topic and at another friends wedding my boyfriend had heard about enough. He basically told her to shut the f up. She's gone around bad mouthing this guy for what he did to her. He's a lying, cheating wife beater and you still believe him over your friend. I agreed with him and we haven't spoken since. Now we are still in the same social circles and I'm wondering if I need to apologize for perhaps not understanding how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ISWfJ2dNYtySQlm1tELg9IobmabLpqzN | al5wvr | {
"description": "taking too long to change clothes and making my sisters late for school",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking too long to change clothes and making my sisters late for school. | Context: I(M) usually wait for my sisters fir like an hour before we get dropped off to our different schools (They go to College while I go to High School)
So what happened is: Apparently their schedule changed and they needed to be in school early (Yeah, Both of them!)
and they didn’t inform me. And today in particular I was thinking why not try out some clothes (Cuz I wanted to look good for a change) while I wait for them.
And now we’re back home and arguing, and one of my sister called me an asshole and now I wanna know if I really am an asshole
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EFsXBBXlMI838yQGERUL46T6H1gOcTfg | b5iobh | {
"description": "not wanting to meet my step-sister",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to meet my step-sister? | 1 year before my parents even dated, my father had a child with another woman. Thing is, everyone except him completely ostracized her from the family my entire life so I didn't know she existed. Only since last year did my parents tell me about her. She fell sick and now want to help her out. I, on the other hand, simply conveyed her my good wishes and offered any help I could give. I haven't heard or seen of her now that my parents have visited her a couple times and yesterday, my oldest cousin accused me of being selfish and a dick for not going to her. Title question comes in. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
R1Ja7gtEZn8QpTwSApNDrLGcr6I28tnW | b3bmbu | {
"description": "telling my wife I was away for a business trip, when really I went on a city break on my own",
"pronormative_score": 167,
"contranormative_score": 324
} | AITA for telling my wife I was away for a business trip, when really I went on a city break on my own? | I love my wife but she is awful to travel with. She's a bit of a princess and she doesn't care about art or architecture. She wears stupid shoes and walks too slow, but gets tired of places too fast.
I did originally have a meeting in London but it got cancelled and I still wanted to go, so I booked myself into a fancy hotel, went to galleries, rode the subway and ate in amazing restaurants for three nights. Aw man it was awesome. I just enjoyed not caring about her being entertained and being alone to my thoughts.
I just kept thinking the whole time I was there how she wouldn't have liked it, and would have ruined it. If I'd have told her about it she would have come with me, no question.
Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 294,
"OTHER": 133,
"EVERYBODY": 30,
"NOBODY": 34,
"INFO": 7
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 167,
"WRONG": 324
} | WRONG |
SuUZljB7M29xqxWsfNk7xvU1LTdKT5Uq | b1jizx | {
"description": "cutting my brother, sister-in-law, and potentially parenting out of my life out of nowhere and over some things that happened years ago",
"pronormative_score": 54,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I cut my brother, sister-in-law, and potentially parents out of my life out of nowhere and over some things that happened years ago? | So, my brother (Sean) has a long-term partner (Melissa). I see them regularly as I still live at home for university.
\*\*On 3 separate occasions, she stole from me.\*\* In my own home. She stole some makeup from me, then $30, then $40. This was about 1-2 years ago, and I know it was her; I'm not proud of it and am aware it was a terrible thing to do, but I looked through her makeup bag and found the concealer. As for the money, she was the only one home between the times of me seeing it in my wallet and seeing it gone.
At the $40 point, I was done. I texted Melissa something along the lines of, "hey, a bunch of my money went missing. If you happen to know anything about this, please lemme know! If not, ignore this, sorry. Trying to figure this out."
I never got a response, but what did happen is that Sean came flying over to my place. Rather than talking, he ended up physically assaulting me which landed me in the ER.
As we were waiting to talk to the doctor, my mom straight up asked me not to tell them what really happened, and when I did anyway, she interjected that it was “just a sibling spat.” She also asked me not to call the cops.
I never got an apology from Sean or Melissa. My mom has apologized for not being on my side, but I think her prior actions clearly showed me where her loyalties lie (even if unconsciously).
I put my anger aside for the civility of the family. I've made it seem like I'm not upset with them anymore and that it's all water under the bridge, but in reality, I'm still boiling. My mom knows, which hurts her a lot, but the two of us have actually formed a pretty good relationship since the incidents (she \*apologized.\* Nobody else has, and I can understand why she rode the line between us).
As I said, I'm still mad and, quite frankly, I don't care enough to work it out at this point. That may make me the A too, but I feel like if it wasn't spoken of or worked out at the time, there's no point in doing it now, years later. And I just don't care.
Here I should specify: I would never cut my parents out. But, I'm afraid in that cutting out Sean and Melissa, mom'll willingly cut herself out of my life as well, seeing our relationship as ruined beyond repair even if she wants to keep it. She'll see me as immature again, and I don't know what that'll do to us, and whatever she chooses to do, my dad will follow and do too without question. But I literally don't give a single shit about Melissa, and it's bordering on being the same for Sean by extension and because of his actions, and I really just want them gone from my life.
Once I've moved out after school ends, I don't need to be around them. I don't need to be civil. I can forget they existed, and it would be easy (but it would really hurt and blindside my parents). If I did so, WIB (a petty) A? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 54,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 54,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZAQ4XaGwo1uVYMHHp8HAmansSv2gwuE4 | b30yv1 | {
"description": "questioning my boss about literally everything",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for questioning my boss about literally everything | I work for a small facility Maitenance start up company (~10 employees) that started around 3 years ago. My 1 year was this month. To simply put it we are middle men, bigger company’s need there properties taken care of and we find people to do it.
I should also note one of my best friends for the past 10 years got me this job as his older brother started the company and I am very close with the family
After my 1 year review my boss told me he was moving me up in the company. When he sent me the paperwork for my “promotion” from a level 1 employee to a level 2, there was no salary increase and very unattainable quotas which if were even met, my bonus’ were still up to “companies discretion”
After reading through my new performance agreement and asking a few co workers how they were compensated I felt like I was getting screwed over. I asked my boss to please forward me performance agreements and expectations for all the levels of employment and to share everyone’s sales number with me so we could have an educated conversation about my role within the company.
He denied to show me any numbers claiming they are all inaccurate and said he would not
Be showing me any other levels performance agreement until he can gauge how well I perform at level 2
Am I the asshole for disputing this “promotion”? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
t1wqZrf5dKVDrbPxOjh6ew9ezPMa4FSV | a6tlu0 | {
"description": "accusing my friend of putting his discord server before his friends birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for accusing my friend of putting his discord server before his friends birthday party? | My friend who was having the party doesn’t have a lot of friends so he invited 3 other people and me. I was the only one that came to the party, one of the people wasn’t allowed to go because of his parents(I heard his parents yelling at him over the phone saying he can’t go) the other person couldn’t come because he wasn’t in town(his parents made a last minute trip to shop), the last person, who is the person that owns the discord server, said he couldn’t come. He said that he couldn’t come after an hour of me texting and calling him to ask where he was and if he was calling.
He eventually replied that he was busy but never told me what he was doing. I got into a call with my friends later that night with the two other people that couldn’t come. We started to talk about some stuff and then we started thinking, why wasn’t the one friend at the party. We all knew why the two other friends couldn’t go but we didn’t know the last friend’s reason for not coming.
We started to think that he would put his discord server and his gaming servers over his friends. He has repeatedly said that he would play with us more often when we talked to him less during school. That was not the case, in fact he has only been working on his servers, he only talks about his servers, he never hangs out or plays with us anymore. We can’t a conversation without him bringing up his server. This led my friends and I to believe that he was working on his servers instead of coming to our friends party.
I eventually asked him if he was putting his discord server before his friend’s party. He was mad, and we didn’t talk for at least a week, but he still wouldn’t tell us what he was doing at that time. So AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
OvqGfBsVyED83Yu0Fd4lAHiGFyGP6zqM | b36bn1 | {
"description": "not inviting her to my birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not inviting her to my birthday party? | Alright, I know I already sound like a dick but this requires a full on explanation.
So for the longest time I was friends with this girl who we'll call Janice. Janice and I got along fairly well. After speaking with her for a while, we started to talk over text. These texts involved a lot of guilt tripping if I didn't respond with some amount of time. I'll keep this brief for her sake, but she had a traumatic childhood and I suppose is used to people abandoning her. I always ended up responding to this stuff.
One night, after hanging out somewhere, she invited me to stay the night at her house. I know I sound like a dick again, but the house was a disaster. It was a trailer home (which I really have no issue with on its own) but it was disgusting. Roaches and dead bugs everywhere. I'm sort of terrified of bugs so I was a bit grossed out but didn't comment on it. We hung out in her room for a while. I did something I know I shouldn't have, but that's my own fault. It ended with me being really sick around 1 or 2 AM. Janice tried her best to help me feel better.
Following being picked up early in the morning, I never spoke to Janice again. I went out of my way to avoid her in class and online. She constantly would text me trying to guilt me into speaking with her again and I never responded.
Then came the party. My birthday was coming up and therefore I invited a few of my friends to come over and hang out. I asked them to not tell Janice. One of them must've accidentally let it slip. Instead of speaking to me herself, Janice sent her friends to come ask me why I wasn't inviting her. When I just told them that I didn't want to, they called me an asshole.
Janice and I don't speak anymore and I'm honestly afraid to apologize because I don't want this stupid guilt tripping and manipulating shit to start up again. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
o3wZ7yENrULwMCAVncQBAFZqClxwc9Y6 | b7na9w | {
"description": "not liking the off regestry stroller I got at my baby shower",
"pronormative_score": 101,
"contranormative_score": 27
} | AITA for not liking the off regestry stroller I got at my baby shower? | I feel super conflicted about this, I can't tell if I'm justified or being a hormonal brat.
I'm a soon to be first time mom, over 8 months along and going through a rough pregnancy. We drove a very long way to get to the shower hosted by my in laws.(not an easy or fun drive, 8 months pregnant with GD,swollen running on no sleep) The shower was lovely, small and cute and fun and I got lots of great gifts. I am very greatful that anyone cares about me enough to put in the effort to throw a party for us or get us gifts. But lets get to the point.
One of the biggest gifts was a stroller carseat combo everyone pitched in to get for us. Before the shower my husband tried to make it a suprise but it eventualy slipped out that his mom (my MIL) got my stroller and carseat from my regestry. The problem I'm having is it's not the one I had on my regestry at all. I spent weeks researching the right one for us, weeks looking at reviews and safety stuff and its ability to grow with my soon to be child for the long haul. At the party I hid my confusion and disappointment and thanked everyone profusely but the more I think about it the more it's bothering me.
I know nothing about the one I was given, except the carseats attachment fits with the stroller my MIL already baught for herself and it's a color I hate and had mentioned I hated to her before. The carseat is a totally different clashing color and I know nothing about it either.
I feel like I should just be happy with what I was gifted but I also feel like 'what was the point of the regestry?'. Getting a stroller is a huge decision for a first time family and the choice was taken from me. I feel like I have so little control over any aspect of my life right now with this pregnancy being the way that it is and this stroller thing is really bugging me.My husband says I'm just being ungrateful but I spent so long on my regestry and labored over every big choice on it, I feel like my choices were disregarded. I also feel like I can't return them to get the one I wanted because my MIL will hate me.
Am I being an ungrateful asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 82,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 19,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 101,
"WRONG": 27
} | RIGHT |
GC5X6ryMnSmfYyYUOn06dODmPgICWLJN | axehtv | {
"description": "being mad at my mom because she worroes about me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being mad at my mom because she worroes about me? | Hey everyone, so my BF and me were planing a 3 week trip to Vietnam for half year and now were flying on March 10th.
An hour ago, my mom called me crying telling me that she was worried and had nightmares and migraine because of our trip. She told me that there are so many dangerous things over there and portrais this beautiful land as it was some sort of jurassic world. My BF went to Vietnam 2 and a half years ago and he told her that it was the best trip of his life and that he would take care of me.
But still she tries to fear me as she always does when I do something she is not comfy with. She does not seem to understand that I want to see the world like she did when she was younger because she moved to cameroon for more than a year and visited many places around the world when she was my age.
I know she is just trying to protect me because I am her child ut she is so manipulative. Every time I do something she does not like she does everything so that I have a remorse since I was a child. E.g. When I moved out she wouldnt come to visit me in my new apartment because she couldnt stand the feeling that I dont need her anymore and that she thinks I dont love her which is why I moved out.
I see why she says such things everytime i do smth she does not totaly aprove, I m her child and she loves me and wants to protect me but she does not understand tht I suffer as much as she does. Even if I tell her.
When she called me, I also started crying and asked if she wants me to cancel our trip and everything, it is really hard for me to look forward to our trip, knowing that she is trying to opress me not to go (the same when I moved out)
I think I could not really make my point because english is not my mothertongue but I hope you can somehow understand what I mean and help me with my situation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1Cdb1tKZFNKmNdZoUSeBXoERylDLOlZ2 | b312rg | {
"description": "being mad at friend who lied to me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being mad at friend who lied to me? | I know I’ve been posting on here a lot but this is really bothering me. My friend and I were gonna join accelerated Arabic next year. Schedules just came out. We agreed we were both doing it. Your supposed to join in pairs so you have someone to work with. Well he told me that he swapped yesterday into French. Well he didn’t tell me I would’ve not done accelerated and just gone into a standard class. Well it’s too late as schedules are out. I’ve got no partner and am stuck in a difficult class. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Q2uIwyrRTct64A8cJGBDnt2tKM0KAd5d | axq310 | {
"description": "not wanting my grandma around my service dog",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting my grandma around my service dog? | So. I’m 16. I have a service dog (who’s older but isn’t fully trained socially, meaning she can kind of get distracted easier then other service animals) it’s a smaller dog, but she does her tasking perfectly. She’s for Psychiatric needs.
Well it’s cold where I live so I have her wearing sweaters because she gets so cold she shivers, She’s been wearing sweaters in the cold weather every year her whole life.
Every time my grandma sees her (which is a lot I live with her atm) she tries to take her sweater off, says she’s “uncomfortable”.
She also encourages her to jump on people during greetings even though she’s not supposed to, feeds her table food, screams at me for calling it table food because it’s “dinner food” ??? I just really don’t want her around my SD anymore even though it’s unavoidable for the time being. I feel like she’s making my dog have bad habits that are unacceptable for PA (public access) even though I’ve asked her so many times not to do things to make her misbehave because it’ll make me as a handler look bad.
She called me weird for telling her to stay away from the dog and was taunting me and calling me names.
AITA for not wanting her around the dog ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
cY1ZM0IwxHd2yAOvuZ7ldiKcuR7d3UwZ | b8cfkl | {
"description": "seeking other options after my friend asks for split payment",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for seeking other options after my friend asks for split payment? | So along with studying i am doing logo design in my own time, using my friends account on software. I asked him if i could use it 6 months back and he said i could because his account has 2 available screens. Fast forward and in that 6 months i have progressed alot with software knowledge and experience, and my friend asks me to 50/50 the payment. I ask how much it is and the price of half is even more expensive than the cost of me getting my own subscription under a student discount. I was thinking about just paying him 1 months payment and opening up my own account, is that a dick move? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kkYD2C9herPhBt8RPsgkkqyxivrKJUDC | afkpqt | {
"description": "trying to step into my friends relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for trying to step into my friends relationship? | Today my online friend of 2 years sent me a message saying they would be deleting the app they had originally started text based role-playing on. When I asked why, they responded that their boyfriend didn't really trust they wouldn't get into a romance based role play, and that he viewed it as cheating on him.
I personally found this to be ridiculous, and incredibly controlling as I know that one of my friends favorite hovbies is role-playing, and as a result I saw the relationship as potentially abusive, especially when my friend said that they couldn't possibly leave him because he may commit suicide if they did. However, I didn't want to loose a close friend, and tried to make them see that him trying to control them wasn't healthy, but they were more bullheaded than I was this time, and eventually I just had to leave the chat room. Am I the asshole here for trying to step into (and possibly breaking up) that relationship? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
wVd8yqIIPuhDDTfg4sm8JuTrwM5YhCTq | au2wre | {
"description": "not wanting visitors at the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA Am I the asshole for not wanting visitors at the hospital? | I am about to have a baby and have let my family and close friends know that I won't be having any visitors while at the hospital.
I hope, if all goes well, to be there for as short of a visit as possible. I have a midwife and am going to try to have the baby naturally, which means a release home hours after delivery.
My parents when I told them were not totally on board, but I tried to explain to them that I wanted to be back home as soon as possible, and the time after would be a period of recovery and bonding and breastfeeding so I wouldn't really want visitors at that point.
Today my brother came over and told me my dad had phoned him and told him how heartbroken he was that they weren't allowed to be at the hospital for the birth. And that my parents had said how this would affect our relationship moving forward. I responsed that I thought it was pretty selfish of them to feel that way.
I am a health care provider and have a really hard time turning off my caregiver switch. It's hard for me to focus on my self and not worry about about how others are handling things. My mother is also more on the high strung side of things and I can find myself exhausted by her at times. This is about me safely delivering my child and I should focus solely on that from my point of view.
Am I the asshole here for preventing my parents from being at the birth of their grandchild? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ppXxGMdeuLaBSjVPG15RhWiqUOdGPyDD | avebzv | {
"description": "shutting down a bigot by mentioning his trans status",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for shutting down a bigot by mentioning his trans status? | I knew this person in college. At the time, this person appeared to be a woman. We've kept up over time on Facebook. Eventually, "she" became "he". He adopted a new male name, started taking hormone supplements, had surgery, and even grew a beard. For the most part, mutual friends seemed pretty supportive, as did his family.
However, lately he has been developing a nasty misandrist streak, talking about how men are awful and should die. These weren't just a few sarcastic comments either. He has been harping on this for months and was directing his vitriol at male friends (who are probably all "former" friends by now).
Eventually I had enough so I replied with the following question:
"If you hate men so much, why are you trying so hard to transition into one?"
The reaction I got from a lot of people was explosive. People acted like I was literally Hitler for asking something like that. To be clear, I don't have anything against trans people, and I was totally supportive of this person before. But I am just not OK with all the hatred he was spewing. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
wZgQO6hUkxprJfNZFCyl3ojppFBjFZMW | ajuah3 | {
"description": "almost talking smack",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for almost talking smack? | Let me make it clear that I am in high school.
So we have this program at my school where we get a free hour after fifth period to eat lunch or go tutorials, and I would typically sit with my friends in the debate room. While I was away at a Speech and Debate tournament, some assholes got into a fight during the free hour at school, leading to staff ending that free hour indefinitely...Which means that we have to resort back to the three lunch bell schedule...
Anyway, because of the new semester, I had to move lunches, and it now I have C lunch on the south campus.
Fine fine, the girl who is my duet partner is in that lunch, so I decide to sit with her and her other friends. I’ll call this girl DP. The first day that I sit with them (Tuesday) everything was fine. The second day, I noticed that some of the girl were talking bad about a mutual friend that DP and I have (I’ll him MF). DP and this girl (MG) were talking about how they hated the daily quizzes for world history and such. DP is like “You sit next to MF every day... why don’t you just copy off of him?” And MG goes “He gets really bad grades... he’s kind of stupid.”
I’ve known MF for a long time, and I didn’t even know MG’s name, so I got defensive. I told her that maybe he’s smarter than she thinks and she shouldn’t judge him.
MG then proceeds to talk about how her TEACHER told her outright that she got better grades than MF. I don’t say anything, but in my head, I know one of two truths; either that is the shittiest teacher ever for disclosing another Student’s grades... or MG is lying.
Later, MF DMs me over Instagram asking how to debate someone. Turns out he actually wants to confront this girl who he found out was talking shit about him. I told him to just ignore her, because we are in high school after all, and if he worries too much about it, his grades could suffer. He sends me a screenshot anyway of the list of things he wants to talk to this girl about, and the title is
[MF’s Last name] Vs. [The Girl’s Last Name]
The next day at lunch (yesterday), MG is once again talking about MF, and I’m starting to wonder if the girl that was bothering MF was her...So I try to ask her what her name is, playing it off as “oh yeah, I’ve been sitting with you all week, conversing with you, i should probably know your name!”
She tells me her first name only. I check my phone to see if the name matches, only to realize that I need the last name.
The cafeteria is loud, so I ask DP what MG’s last name is “cause I’m curious”. Alexa tells me. Wasn’t a match.
I message MF to be careful around MG, cause she’s been talking about him behind his back, saying that he’s an idiot.
On our way to 6th period, I talk to DP about how I think that her friends are a little rude and if MG is talking bad about MF, she’s probably talking shit about everyone. DP shrugs it off and says that they’ve known each other for years, and she doesn’t think that MG would do that to her. DP does ask that I not tell MF, because the group of girls are just a “certain kind of people” and she didn’t want MF to think that she was the one talking about him (she wasn’t, she said nothing.). To her request, I look on my DMs and see that MF hasn’t seen the messages yet, so I delete them all.
Today, I go to lunch and MG confronts me about talking shit, because I was typing on my phone and asked for her name. I panic and tell her that I wanted to get to know her, seeing as we have been sitting with each other for a while. She asks why I was typing on my phone, I told her that’s just the kind of thing I do when I make small talk and am only half paying attention. She asks why I asked DP for her last name, and I tried to tell her that I thought I might have known her from when I went to private school when I was little (School closed down when I was six, half of us went to public school, the other half went to a different Christian school). She leaves.
DP tells me that MG’s pretty pissed at me, and I make the case that technically, I didn’t tell MF anything and that she was the one talking shit about MF.
After lunch, I go up to MG and apologize. I come clean, and tell her that I see MF as a brother, and he told me that he had a falling out with a close friend and I was trying to see if she was that friend.
I was just alerted via Snapchat by DP that her friends no longer want me to sit with them, which I’ll admit, I should have seen coming, but it still kind of hurts (especially considering I don’t really have many friends in C lunch to sit with).
What hurts worse is that DP isn’t really taking sides, not defending or standing up to anyone.
Anyway, am I the Asshole for almost telling MF that MG was telling people that he’s stupid?
TDLR: A girl I don’t know was talking bad about a friend of mine. I asked for her name, thinking about telling said friend, and today she accused me of talking shit about her.
UPDATE 1/30/19: I’ve been spending C lunch in the library instead of eating, I still haven’t been able to discuss the matter with MF but on the bright side, my grades are a lot better due to the quiet and extra study time. I’m not sure if I should tell MF about MG because if he confronts her, there is a chance that I’ll find myself going home with a black eye. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
TyBuV3GyaatJOgCnmMNinZLYUSttliYW | 9u2o28 | {
"description": "making him close",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making him close | For context: I’m a dishwasher in a restaurant, and there are two main dishwashers: Myself, and a guy named Alex (not his real name)
I just started recently, but since I’ve started working there, Alex has been shoving all of his closing shifts on to me and calling into work sick, among other things
So, it all started last Friday...last Friday, it was Alex’s day to close, as usual, he said “hey man, if you take this close tonight, I’ll take yours tomorrow”. Being the ~~gullible~~ nice guy I am, I agreed.
Then comes Saturday....on that Saturday, everything starts off as normal, we’re just working away at the dishes then at 8:24pm he slips on the mat and “hurts” his back. Knowing this, I tell him to take a quick break. He does, and then when he comes back he seems completely fine...then at 8:44 (when the manager comes in to the kitchen), he starts making extremely evident gestures that his back hurts. The manager of course comes over and asks what’s wrong, and Alex explains that his back hurts. Knowing the inevitable, I decided to take my break. At this point, my manager comes up to me and basically tells me that he’s letting Alex go home early and that I’ll be taking the close. I just agreed and took it because it was clear that he was in pain.
I would also like to point out that at the beginning of his shift, he was talking about how the Fallout 76 beta was only open until 12am that night (right when the restaurant closes)
BUT THATS NOT ALL
On Tuesday Morning, I get a text from my manager asking me to come in that night (my day off) because Alex called in sick. I agreed because why not? Then, the following day (my other day off), Alex calls in sick again but my other manager texted my home phone so I didn’t go in because I didn’t get a message from in
Then comes Friday. When we start our shift, Alex explains that he got food poisoning from the burgers that work gave him a few weeks back because they were ready to throw them out. So during our shift, he was telling me how much his tummy hurts..I will admit, he was looking really rough at the start of our shift. So, the night continues on and Alex is starting to look a lot better so I decided that he would be able to take the close because he clearly doesn’t look too sick...so as we get closer and closer to the time one of us has to leave, he keeps telling me that his stomach hurts more and more but at this point he was drinking pop (he said he couldn’t even keep water down before the beginning of our shift)....and admittedly, I did feel guilty until he said that - on the day he got “food poisoning” - his friend bought him red dead redemption 2. At this point, I basically didn’t even know if I could believe him anymore.
Am I still the asshole for making him take my close even though it was pretty obvious that he was sick?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2EeWJN7AyoreOApyWYSYqeaN4maeZrnD | b35fd0 | {
"description": "refusing to make Sexual Jokes about my Ex",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Refusing to Make Sexual Jokes about my Ex? | Weird title, but exactly that.
To 99% of people I am an immature guy with a terribly inappropriate sense of humour. I have a very special and rare talent. I am capable of finding something sexual in nearly any sentence that can be said by a human being. Of course to not use such a gift would be irresponsible, so I do. Luckily, I found a girl that thought this was absolutely hilarious. We started dating, and I'd guess that atleast 20% of all things said were me making some kind of sexual joke based on what she had said.
She loved this, thought it was great. I loved making people laugh so I also thought this was great. We broke up yesterday, mutually and in good faith. We decided to remain friends, but to me, it feels extremely weird to make sexual jokes about my ex girlfriend. She thinks that I shouldn't treat her differently because we're no longer together. She claims that if I really want to be her friend than I should continue to treat her the same way as before. This is crazy to me, so I look to outside judgement. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lQs35eHtL8XZHBETAkmPGcujtEaJeqAK | b4o3tk | {
"description": "wanting to cut off the contact with a traumatized girl I didn't know how toxic she really was",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to cut off the contact with a traumatized girl I didn‘t know how toxic she really was? | She was in high school, the ,,take drugs and look down on people“-type so she wasn‘t really my friend then. But I always thought she was somewhat interesting/ secretly a good person, because she had a rough childhood after all (no excuse though) and something told me she wasn‘t that bad after all.
Years later I met her in adult life and we exchanged numbers. First I thought wow she really changed, and we met often and had much fun. In only few weeks we became very good friends.
(My other friend mentioned she may have borderline because she has this two extremes with friendships.)
Soon I would notice how she drinks every day, smokes a lot of pot and becomes angry to the point that she destroy things in the living room, broke her foot in a tantrum, and fights with strangers.
But when she sobers up again, she tell me this isn‘t her, that it‘s the alcohol.
Whenever she is high on pot, she becomes a different person, more aggressive and possesive.
On top of all of this, she knows people that can seriously hurt your body (and mind).
I realized too late that I was now way to deep in a ,,bond/friendship“ with this person, and apparently I‘m her only real friend now, which makes it even more difficult.
She often tells me how other persons ,,abadoned her“ for ,,no reason“ and how much she hates them.
I tried to cut her off, by telling her I don‘t have time and so on. But as soon as I don‘t reply, she sends me so many messages, calls me often and so on, tells me she misses me, asks me what I‘m doing and so on.
(I know it‘s not the sub for this but if anyone has any tips how to cut someone toxic off is welcome)
She is also distant friend with a mutual long term friend of mine.
I don‘t want to get hurt emotionally or physically by her, but I‘m stuck now, I wish I never let her into my life. Now I‘m to scared to cut off the contact.
And I don‘t have the physical or mentally strenght for any of her tantrums or abuse when I try to distance myself.
AITA for letting a person with trauma, possible borderline and trust issues so fast so close to me only to trying to cut her off after realizing she is rather a toxic person?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
W8ThQWPat3txMm10PJ1gIw7mZpmjuudt | a2sdq4 | {
"description": "not giving all my nephews a gift for their birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving all my nephews a gift for their birthday? | Beforehand I want to apologize for my grammar mistakes and bad English for it is not my mother tongue.
I (20)come from a weird family structure. My mother remarried and her husband already had 3 kids. Two of those kids got children in time span of me knowing them. Oldest one is now four years old. Both those family's live on the other side of the country and makes it really hard for me to come visit them in their birthday.
I also am a student, don't live with my parents and money is tight. I buy gifts for them whenever I have extra money. But I came to realize this means I am not given all of them an equal amount of gifts. I do not want to come off as if I have a favourite.
If this makes me come off as an asshole, what can I do to stop that?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FyzK7s0DkUOHOanrMw7y5JanfUMI7o9k | av4f77 | {
"description": "telling my friends who have been staying with me that they need to get a hotel for the rest of the trip",
"pronormative_score": 80,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA if I tell my friends who have been staying with me that they need to get a hotel for the rest of the trip? | A few weeks ago a friend of mine from another state said she wanted to visit me and asked if she could stay at my place if her stay situation falls through. I say yes. She says she has a surprise for me.
I pick her up at the airport and the “surprise” is another friend of mine. Which I’m happy about but I immediately ask, “so where are you staying”
They assumed they could both stay with me even though she never mentioned a second person. So I let them both stay.
I requested a couple days off to be with them. But the next day they stay in bed and don’t do anything until like the middle of the day we just go get dinner. And when we get home they just go in their room all night.
The next day they leave to pick up a car they’re renting and then don’t come back until 8:30 at night. I sat at home waiting for them all day. I requested these days off and lost money for this.
They get home, use my kitchen to make food, then go to their room for the rest of the night.
The next morning I’m just really angry and awkward and I go to my room to change and don’t come out for a bit. When I finally do come out they’ve left again without saying anything or inviting me.
I thought they were nice but it really feels like they’re just taking advantage of me for a place to stay and I really want them to pay me back for the money I’ve lost and I want them to get their shit out and stay at a hotel.
Am I an asshole if I ask them to do this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 77,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 80,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
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