id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
TATQxXgwyx8lIqyGEBcBh5KtPSz0ddUz | ab1abo | {
"description": "leaving her pregnant with a kid I won't help raise",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 46
} | AITA for leaving her pregnant with a kid I won't help raise? | So, don't really know where to start. My girlfriend got pregnant 2 months ago, told me about it it about 5 weeks back, and she is keeping it. I don't want to be a father. I don't want any more of my genes in the world, I don't want to pay for a kid, don't want to put shit on hold to support a family, so I bailed.
I blocked her on everything, packed my shit and found the cheapest, shittiest apartment I could find, just to get away from her and the kid she's carrying... I've been living on my own for about 3 weeks now, spent a good 2 weeks thinking it over, and I can't and don't have the right to convince her to have an abortion, so I bailed. Honestly, I'm thinking of quitting my job and skipping town, so she can't get me for child support when the kid is born.
I feel so fucking split. She was really nice, and had this never happened, I could see myself spending a good few years with her, but no way that I'm dealing with a kid. I'm 23, waaaay too young to put everything on hold for the next 20 or so years, and I guess I looked out for myself.
I've never had much money, so the idea of spending thousands when I finally have cash on a kid I don't want is crazy. Am i the asshole, and if so, how big of an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 45,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 46
} | WRONG |
G3K7jVUpNgtkcCzCgp0n0VgIYjcH7Qto | aswrug | {
"description": "doing something",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I did something | I have a brother and he destroys everything for example our microwave covered in ravioli bc when he makes it he doesnt cover his food or clean the microwave and put controllers he gets covered in grease he also somehow uses his nail and took a rubber casing off one of our controllers also broke it bc one of the joystick buttons dont work so I'm thinking of something to do like hiding the controllers he didnt break or smtn I just wanna know WIBTA if I did something also what should I do | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Vv8RkYzrJ6HiMUMpwhVXXZBVC75PYMi8 | b7gkds | {
"description": "using my boyfriend's phobia to prove a point",
"pronormative_score": 491,
"contranormative_score": 293
} | AITA for using my boyfriend's phobia to prove a point? | This happened a little over a week ago and I still feel bad about it. So, my boyfriend has a bit of a hobby collecting knives. Switchblades, butterfly knives, he's pretty proud of all of them. Now, I have a small phobia of my own. My father was very abusive, and of the few memories I have of him, he was often threatening an infant me with a switchblade. As such, I'm very uncomfortable around them. My boyfriend will often point his in my direction, and when I get upset and tell him to stop he says I need to get over it. That I might need to use one some day. That I should know he'd never hurt me. I guess he feels like if he exposes me to it enough, I'll learn to trust that he won't stab me with it? But it's not like I think that to begin with, I'm just uncomfortable around them.
Well, he has a very intense phobia of a specific monster. I don't question it. For some reason, it's much more intense than my mild annoyance/breath stopping moment at the blades. He completely freaks out at even just a picture, shuts down, has nightmares for nights. If there's a chance of one showing up in a video he will whimper and whine and either stop it all together or close his eyes and ask me to tell him when it is over. I promised him early on that I didn't find it funny like some of his friends do and wouldn't use it to prank him.
Well, the other night after cutting some cheese with his stupid knife, he tried waving it at me, knowing how uncomfortable it makes me. So I pulled up a particularly horrifying image of his phobia on my phone and shoved it in his face. "How does it feel? You know what a phobia is like, right? Just get over it!" I tried to paraphrase him, and he got really upset. I feel like I may have gone overboard and honestly feel guilty, but he hasn't messed with me since. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 45,
"OTHER": 482,
"EVERYBODY": 248,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 491,
"WRONG": 293
} | RIGHT |
Za44NdYmgjdgpVM0ZNKfYkMakNXSM5Gc | axr2bi | {
"description": "being mad at my mom for checking my phone",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For being mad at my mom for checking my phone? | Throaway because my friends follow my main, and this topic is kind of heavy.
So last Sunday, I went to the beach with my family. My mom was there with us and everything seemed fine. After texting some friends, I decided to put my phone away and go near the shore. I put my phone in my backpack and leave for an hour or two. When I come back, I notice my mom looking glum, and a slight feeling that something's wrong. When I check my phone, I notice some chats I hadn't opened where now opened, which surprised me (My phone has a password, but if you swipe near the time it's locked down you don't have to put it).
I asked her if she grabbed my phone, and she replies she didn't. But I know something was off and decided to just let it go. Our relationship is pretty shaky, so she might just have been mad at something I did. Last night though, she entered my room and asked me a bunch of random questions, finishing it with "Have you ever had sex? Was it with a girl?" I replied yes to both, and being a guy I found them completely normal mother-teenage son questions.
Then, however, while we were talking about something else, she starts telling me how she browsed my computer and phone since she had heard a rumor about me doing drugs from a friend of hers. Not only was this not true at all, I just wanted to drop the subject and go to bed. That's when she said she had read my texts with a specific girl. Let's call her S. I immediately froze because she's my best friend, and one of the two people who knows I like guys. She kept bringing up how she did it for my own good and how all she wanted to help me. I was trying to keep it all together, but this was sort of like the cherry on top of everything. I told her it had just been one guy and we hadn't done anything together. He had just been friendly with me and there was a connection. And that I still preferred women (I don't).
Anyways, this went on for two hours. She kept telling me she did it for my own good and how she wanted to help me because I "needed" help. To clarify, she doesn't mean correcting me or anything, but she thinks that just because I like a guy, my life is going to be a depressing nightmare of shame.
Thing is, I've known that I'm gay for almost 4 years. My 2 friends have been really supportive and I feel like I really am fine. In the end, she told me to either get help myself or she'd call the school for programs.
Personally, I feel like she snatched my thing from me. I wasn't planning on coming out to her anytime soon, but I still feel like this really wasn't the way things should have gone. But what really annoys me is that she justifies breaking into my phone and reading my private conversations just because she's my mother. I'm not speaking to her anymore.
TLDR; my mom checks my phone while I'm not looking, sees things she shouldn't have, now believes I need help for something I really don't.
Sorry for the bad formatting. I'm on mobile. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
V10r6PCOJFGzJlvLRJzyTSLYfssxIZKt | axommr | {
"description": "not wanting to drive to someone's house to tell them about a lost dog b",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to drive to someone's house to tell them about a lost dog B | Backstory: Last weekend I drove out to pick up my gf at the train station in another city. On my way there a dog ran in front of my car and I immediately braked but wasn't able to stop in time. Couldn't avoid it either as it's a busy street. Also it was dark and the dog came from behind a 'speed bump' kinda thing that separates the street from the bike lane (which is why I didn't see the dog in time). I heard my tires screech, followed by a howl of pain from the dog. This happened all in an instant and I was freaking out that I had ran over a dog but then I saw a flash of the dog running across the street. I don't think this whole lasted more than 10 seconds. I drove about 10 meters to where I could park and ran across the street to go look for the dog and met 6 or 7 people. This family owned the dog and saw everything, asked me if I was ok and telling me not to worry, that it wasn't my fault (they had just moved there and the dog didn't know the surroundings). After calming down I searched with them for about 20 minutes before leaving. I picked up gf (had already called and let her know what happened) and drove back home, didn't see the family when passing the same place.
Today (4 days later) gf showed me a facebook post. Someone had found a dog ±7km away from where it happened. I told her before that it maybe was a beagle. Now this was certainly no beagle it did have the white, brown & black colors so maybe this was it? Messaged the guy, explaining the situation. He told me he took the dog to his local police station (same city as the owners) and that it had difficulty walking but seemed fine otherwise. I thanked him and called the police station. They told me it was already in an animal shelter. I said that I might know who the dog belonged to but didn't have any contact information from the people (which in hindsight is pretty dumb in case there would've been damage to my car or something). But I knew the address as I saw the number while searching (thought it might come in handy) & knew the street. They asked the address again to be sure it was the right one and told me they'd look into it. I thanked them and hung up.
Gf wants me to drive to the address and tell the people about the post. I told her I wasn't gonna drive over to another city to some strangers house just to show them a picture of a dog that \*might\* be theirs while the police already would handle it. She told me I'm being insensitive and lacking compassion. I also talked to my dad about it who thinks I did plenty and shouldn't even have contacted the facebook guy or the police. I disagree with that last part tho, calling to let the police know the possible owners isn't that much trouble and the dog wasn't chipped so unless the owners see the post there's no sure way for them to know. He also said that it isn't my fault or problem and that I had already done enough when I stopped my car and checked for the dog.
So 2 different opinions from 2 people close to me... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BiimhpIQdvn4TAsdJ2TiL031wzXrx3w6 | ac6vg2 | null | AITA for a number of reasons | So today I let my girlfriend know that I'd be meeting up with a friend whom I've not seen in a while, we're meeting next week. She got upset as not too long ago a boy asked to meet up with her, we'll call him P1 - he had just had a break up was looking for a rebound, and consequently said that he'd still be with her - even if she and I were still dating. She refused to meet up with him (obviously, since I know all about it) and has kept him as a friend which I'm fine with. Today however, during the discussion we had, she said that she'll go and get drunk with him if I meet up with this girl. As soon as she said this I told her to calm down, I stopped talking to her and stopped reading her messages.
Am I the asshole for ignoring her?
Am I the asshole for wanting her to not meet P1?
Am I the asshole for refusing to not meet my friend? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
j8wXiOAFtg2TfIhWSfCjNxEmrTB6hNaD | acbd3s | {
"description": "not playing board games at a board game party and leaving early",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not playing board games at a board game party and leaving early? | This happened a while ago. I was with a friend at a small get together with three other people (so, 5 total). The intent of this get together was to play a few board games and generally hang out. My friend knew that I am not hugely into board games, but invited me because we are close and enjoy each other's company. I had not met any of the other 3 people before, they were mutual friends of my friend.
​
We got there, introductions were made, and we sat down to play a game. I declined to play, as it was a four player game and I don't really enjoy board games, I just wanted to socialize. They finished the games, we ate pizza, and another board game was started. This was also a four player game, so I declined again to let the people who liked board games play.
​
I also left early (middle of the second game, about 2.5 hours after arriving) to get a tattoo. My friend knew in advance of inviting me to this event that I would be leaving before they did to get the tattoo. My friend lives in a city about 2 hours away from me, so part of my weekend plan involved getting a tattoo from an artist in that same city. My friend did not request that I move or put off the appointment, but they may have just been trying to be polite? In retrospect, I shouldn't have gone to get the tattoo (that was rude) but that's not really the focus of my question. I just think it may be relevant.
​
A few months later, my friend told me that they were upset that I had not played any board games, and that the people I met at the party were hassling my friend about why they were friends with someone (me) who didn't enjoy the same activities of them. I had no idea that it bothered my friend so much. They did not bring up the event between the time I left and when they told me that my not participating bothered them, except to tell me that the people I met at the event liked me.
​
So, I was the asshole for leaving early. I wish I'd realized that earlier and been better. But am I the asshole for not playing any board games? Do I just come across as an asshole because I left early? Please be honest, I'm not very good in social situations and I'd really like to know if not playing was rude so that I can avoid similar situations in the future. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
YjRY9jEnRd0F5vxAYo1HM9CawsbEgF1N | b5ge2i | {
"description": "denying a customer one of our last boxes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for denying a customer one of our last boxes? | A bit of context: I work at large wine/spirits/beer store. We typically have boxes to hand out, but there are times when we just can't and try to hold them for people with multi-bottle or larger purchases.
For the situation in question: It was a busy weekend so box supply was very low, probably about 3/4 boxes left. A customer in line with a 12-pack of beer goes to grab one of the boxes. I let them know that I unfortunately I am not able to give out any boxes for single items at the moment. The customer asks why and let them know that I need it for larger purchases.
The customer was not happy and left saying they are going to shop at [insert competitor here] instead. Later in the day I receive an email saying that the customer left a very negative review.
I always try to be as polite as possible but I know during huge rushes or crazy days I can be short with people and not notice.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
cFe1FGgJhRStj7XpmhOdPxYktJwSu47L | ayzof4 | {
"description": "not being equipped enough to handle a mentally unstable friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being equipped enough to handle a mentally unstable friend? | Hi everyone! A very close friend of mine has been recently started going into depression because of poor performance in academics and dropping out of uni. She has resorted to drugs now and it really breaks my heart to see her go through this. She has been harassing, teasing and openly shaming our classmates from high school and she keeps talking to herself on her own posts (she posts same thing everyday, 50-60 times). I tried to reach out to her but she just says everything is okay and that I’m jealous of her (I’m not jealous of her, I’m just really worried about her). I am really far away from her and can only do so much over phone calls or social media. No other friends or even her family are bothered to help her. Our mutual friends keep asking me but I feel ashamed because I don’t know exactly what is happening and how to fix it. So, I wanna know, AITA for not being able to help her or WIBTA for not being there if something serious happens to her, knowing that I could have helped her?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1IaYWUgQJwgxYd1yMw5xjmyfnYDZQf2X | a90nqz | {
"description": "accusing my mother of \"lying\"? my holiday is completely ruined and my relationship with my mother severed over this word",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for accusing my mother of "lying"? My holiday is completely ruined and my relationship with my mother severed over this word | Before telling you the actual story, I genuinely wish everyone a merry Christmas and happy new year. Please spend your holidays peacefully with your family members. It should be a season of love of joy, and you share irreplaceable bonds with your family members, so treasure the loving moments you spend with them, because sometime you have no idea that a simple word could just completely destroy everything and turn your life upside down.
So this just happened today. I planned to go to my parents' place for Christmas on the night of the 24th. This has always been the plan from the beginning because I have some other plan on the day of the 24th. But my mother called me this afternoon, saying that I absolutely need to go back tomorrow morning because she has invited my SO's family over on the 24th for lunch. Our families made arrangements about a gathering during the holiday season for awhile now, and I've always been aware of that, but I was never told when the meeting would actually take place, so I thought no time has been set and it would definitely be after Christmas.
So needless to say I was really surprised and completely incredulous when I heard about this, yet my mom adamantly claims that this plan has already been communicated to me before and it's my problem that I have other plan on the 24th and I need to cancel it. Her claim that I've been told about the gathering on the 24th is categorically false and to be fair outright ridiculous since I wouldn't have made another plan on the 24th had I known and even if my some miracle I've forgotten about the gathering, my SO wouldn't as well, and she also never told me about it! So I decided to text my SO's parents to confirm about this meeting. They first asked me if my parents' are back from vacation, and I replied yes they just got back yesterday. And their response in their exact words was "we can discuss about the gathering after few days of rest".
So with my presumption that my mother wasn't being honest about the gathering time already set in stone on the 24th, I immediately interpreted this as irrefutable proof that my mother wasn't telling me the truth. So I immediately texted her and said that she was lying, because my SO's parents just said we can discuss about the gathering after they rest for few days of rest. My mother was furious and showed me some old texts, and it turns out they did actually made a plan to gather on the 24th beforehand, but my SO parents thought that maybe they could use a few days of rest after just coming back from a trip, and I misinterpreted that as "there never was a gathering planned". So I was indeed wrong to have accused her of lying. But while I was not at all happy that she's making me cancel my plan on the 24th to attend the gathering with such a short notice, I was not mad and just accused my mom of lying casually like that with zero intention of being mean to her or hurting her feelings. More like sheer annoyance of "why would you come up with this false pretext so I would have to cancel my plan just to come to home with no sight of my SO's family??". This isn't the first time my mother used such a tactic. She once told me they adopted a dog so being the dog lover that I am, I went home on that same weekend only to find they got a ceramic dog...Now I understand a mother wanting to see her son who lives away and doesn't come back home often, but coming up with false pretext isn't honest and hence why I started with the presumption that this is another one of her pretext.
Now I know seen some families who have really strict rules about what the children can say, with "liar" being the equivalent of curse words that must be never used against another individual, let alone your parents. Although my mom often hasn't been honest in the things she say to me, I've never before called her a liar before and today was the first time. But I never anticipated that she would basically disown me over this. I don't want to get into the details of what she said since this is about whether IATA, but it let's just say that with what she said there's NO WAY I can go back home this holiday season and enjoy spending the time with my family and that what she said is so hurtful and has caused a PERMANENT fissure to form between us. (I always love my father more but my mother and I have never been on bad terms and I do absolutely love her. Being a very sensitive person I never imagine these hurtful words coming out from her, which is why I'm so devastated).
So I'm emotionally exhausted right now and utterly regretful of this little misunderstanding developing into such a nightmare, but most of all confused at how or why this even happened in the first place. I really want to believe that I've something terribly wrong and absolutely deserve this, but maybe I'm just such an oblivious jerk that I can't even see what's so terrible about what I said.
So please, by all means share your honest belief and judgement. If this is indeed so bad of a insult I will never ever use this word in the rest of my life against anyone under any circumstances, but I'm afraid that this one-time mistake has just permanently damaged my relationship with my mother.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
qiDwbrvZlMqmi5h18TLC6S1f9zzUiOe0 | a2d0qt | {
"description": "telling my sister to get her shit together",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my sister to get her shit together? | Some info about my sister:
She's 18, gets money from my parents every week to travel to her boyfriend;
Doesn't study, has bad grades and the only things she does is laying on her bed 24/7 while talking with her internet friends on Facebook;
She never I REPEAT NEVER appreciates what our parents do to make her happy;
Woman equivalent of a neckbeard;
Has beef with our dad (she said that he "sabotaged her fucking life");
Leaves mess wherever she goes, doesn't do any chores around the house, and won't do anything for me in return;
Some days ago she baked some shit for her boyfriend (as she usually does) and asked my dad to pack it up for her so she could get some more sleep. Next day she went to check if everything was packed, she threw a fit because dad packed the food in glass containers, instead of single-use ones. So naturally, after all that work he's done, he got angry and told her to suck it up because he made her breakfast and packed her shit, and this is what he gets in return.
Because of her, my dad is constantly angry. She ignores him, doesn't do what he asks her to do, and is basically a lazy pig.
I lost it and told her to shut the fuck up and to stop being a bitch. She pushed me to the side and stormed off to her room. Of course, mom told me that things I said were "inappropriate" and "disgusting"
I truly believe that she is the epicentre of my dad being angry, and all the fights that happen in our house. When she's not home, there are no fights, my dad isn't angry and we are much happier.
Small rant but eh
(Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language)
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VnmnTfL9DtYT2QEf50Mq5dOPXRnHCTot | b7cxkz | {
"description": "wanting to kick out our roomate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to kick out our roomate? | I have 2 weeks left of school, and then I graduate with my 2nd degree after 6 years of student life.
I got married 4 years ago and we have been together for 8 and a half. For the last 6 years while I have been in school, we have lived with roommates (for obvious financial reasons.)
During this time I have kept a pt job, consistenly made the dean's list, been involved in community band, cared for our two dogs and my aquarium hobby. Every summer I work full time as soon as class ends.
I struggle with depression and anxiety, and am incredibly aware of how it affects my day to day life and social interactions.
I have secured a job that starts in June, and have taken 2 weeks off between my old job and starting my new one, given the intensity of the program I just completed.
My husband works incredibly hard in the resource industry. It mostly requires him to work out of town between 6 to 12 weeks at a time for about half of the year. He makes good money when he is working, and often pulls 16 hour shifts. He is an excellent problem solver and can fix anything with moving parts. Last year he suffered a debilitating injury that required 2 surgeries.
When he isn't working, he too suffers from depression. He has difficulty accepting help for these issues, but we do our best to work through them.
As I stated, we have a roommate.
Our roommate pays his rent 5 days early, mostly keeps to his room and is a nice enough guy. He has been with us for nearly a year.
I want him gone.
I'm at my wits end, exhausted, and barely holding it together.
I'm tired of my dogs barking every time my roommate comes home, I'm tired of the burping, loud yawns, the food containers in his room, the detergent all over the counter, cleaning the bathroom for 3 people, waiting for the bathroom to be free when I need to get to work or class, the constant weed smoking, the dishes not being put away, the unsorted recycling and the fucking hair in the sink after he shaves his head.
I'm so tired. I've tried to be polite, and my anxiety makes it difficult to really impress how bothered I am by these things. When my husband is home, he adds to the mess of the house and I'm just done.
My husband balked when I suggested we ask our roommate to move out, he cites saving money and also the fact that our roommate has a degenerative bone disease. Our house is close to his work and convenient for him, but I would love to have his room as a guest room, but also an office where I can close the door and my husband can go to his garage to work on his cars or play in his storage.
I just want some space and peace where I can decompress without having to share my home. I don't care about the money he pays, because to me, it's not worth it. My husband thinks I'm being unreasonable and that I should concede given the reality of our financial situation.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ilMWtvgGlXATYGTwhntPz1Xy203iSGmA | 9vphx6 | {
"description": "reporting my Friend's Drug Addict Relative to the police",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I Reported My Friend's Drug Addict Relative To The Police | I have watched my friend Peggy get financially abused by her relative Al. Despite having a decent job and no bills, Al is always broke and on the edge of homelessness. He uses all of his problems to manipulate Peggy into giving him money. He has forced her to go into a serious amount of debt. Because of this Peggy cannot afford to do important repairs on her home. Al shows no remorse for his actions and continues to force her to give him money.
Al has a warrant for his arrest. WIBTA if I told the police where to find him, so that he cannot continue to ruin her life. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jOdm1d6AFY7MvacmXpJyBPDRnFJuqxZB | a1g6xr | {
"description": "not wanting to see my families every year",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to see my families every year? | My parents separated when I was one, and always fought to keep me on their side (they did not really know each other before I was born, and never spent time together after they separated). My mother in law often showed rejection towards me when I grew up with my father. My mother is unemployed, she smokes a lot of cigarettes and she's half-crazy, half-scared to be alone. I grew up into some lonely type of guy who doesn't trust people very much, and my social circle is quite small.
I don't necessarily want to spend time and money and energy traveling large distances to see them every year.
I don't feel much love for my parents anyway.
Is it really normal to always go see your parents when they say they would like it a lot? Isn't that needy from their point of view?
I know growing old is difficult for them, but I don't think I really owe them any love. As a matter of fast seeing them generated more stress and discomfort than anything else after I came back.
I guess it's a common thing to relate to, I guess people had a lot of kids back then, and I don't think I belong to the stable family.
I might be selfish, but I barely talk to my half-brothers and sisters, and have little interaction with my father. I can talk with my mother for hours though. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6tfYtecaAqb9ObX5F8tfW6n1L54ATivz | a4ygbt | {
"description": "returning a Christmas present I bought for a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for returning a Christmas present I bought for a coworker? | I gave out Christmas presents today to my coworkers, as we do every year. This year, I bought everyone whisky, except for one of my coworkers. Instead of whisky, I bought him some protein powder. There is a bit of a story behind this, as last year I bought everyone alcohol, which is something of a tradition in the office. He did not take any of this home and it is still sitting in his desk a year later. I wanted to get him something this year that he would actually use instead of something that would just collect dust. He goes to the gym every day at lunch and has a protein shake when he gets back. I thought that the best present is something that I know he uses every day. So, I gave him the protein powder. He took one look at it and said that he couldnt use that, its creatine and handed it back to me. I was at a loss for words and just took it back.
I am planning on returning it and getting my money back. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7P76q5LZ3e9NpUsHPPHBKip9KQ6WPWJv | b10dpt | {
"description": "not eating the croissants my sister brought for me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not eating the croissants my sister brought for me? | So last night my older sister, which who I sleep with, was coughing and sneezing from 4 to 5:30 a.m non stop. Yes, it was annoying but I understood she wasn’t enjoying it either and didn’t say a word.
When I woke up I had a message from my sister which read: “I’m sorry for last night, I hope I can make it up for you with the surprise you will find at breakfast”. When I went there there was a box full of my favorite brand of croissants ready for me to eat them, the trouble being that I just started 2 days before a diet which I am really excited for because I feel like I need to lose some weight.
I didn’t eat one croissant (yay me!) but when my sister came back and saw the box full she went really mad telling me why I hadn’t eaten one when she spent 10€ on them and bought them with all of her love for me.
I understand she bought them for me but I didn’t ask her for them and I appreciated the gesture but she also has to respect my diet.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Jnr25Y1UCfeL99ikcQ5J8SvDNTn3zVYK | ajsmsf | {
"description": "being offended by the question \"where are you from?\"",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being offended by the question "Where are you from?" | I just remembered an interaction I had in a night club last year and I'm really unsure if I was the asshole or if my behaviour was justified. To understand the story you need to know that I'm female and half korean and half german.
A friend and I went to a nightclub one weekend. When we went outside to get some fresh air I noticed a group of five people about 10 meters away looking in our direction and very blatantly talking about us. This did not stop for about five minutes and I was uncomfortable, but I just tried to ignore this. I just wanted to have fun and did not want to have any kind of confrontation with anybody. I could have walked away, this is true. I didn't because while it was awkward, I didn't want to give up my sitting space.
After 5 minutes one guy from this group stood up and walked towards us. Then he said "hey, sorry for bothering you. But me and my friends have been talking about you for the past minutes trying to find out where you're from. Like, you don't look german. So, where are you from?" and I replied "Frankly, it made me umcomfortable that you spent the last five minutes talking about me and looking at me. I'm not a zoo animal."
He was taken aback and clearly hurt. Without a word he walked back to his friends. Maybe I'm the asshole, but I didn't enjoy getting "examined" by them. It made me feel alienated and like I'm different, not like them. Tell me what you think. I'm willing to learn from this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
9VVhzVs6YA11I3QdDipzVSxOpM7yE7Sg | acg928 | {
"description": "not appreciating my girlfriend sending 30+ people half naked photos daily",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not appreciating my girlfriend sending 30+ people half naked photos daily? | I’m sure we’re all familiar with Snapchat streaks, a challenge for users to keep a score with their friends by sending photos daily to one another.
My girlfriend has way too many of these streaks to count and every day it seems she is sending pictures of herself half-naked. Mind you I don’t know any of the people on her streaks list, but I know many of them are males.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love her being confident and proud of her body; but when the only pictures I get of her she has sent to 30+ people before, it loses its importance.
Am I an asshole for getting upset about this? Bear in mind that she is very protective, and would not let this shit fly if it was reciprocated. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
HWaPQuEHeap58zGFyA8ujWkFJHCuVaH9 | b5z383 | {
"description": "putting my dog's poop bags in other people's trash cans",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for putting my dog's poop bags in other people's trash cans | I walk my two dogs 2 or 3 times a day and the last time is usually pretty late at night, like 11pm or midnight. If we end up walking through the neighborhood there are usually trash cans out at the curb waiting to be picked up the next morning. If my dog's do their business, I will bag it in a dog waste bag and tie it up. If someone has their trash can out I will put the bag(s) in their trash instead of carrying it for the mile or so until we get home.
​
I only put them in trash cans out at the curb that will be picked up the next morning. I don't make any noise or anything. I wouldn't care if someone did the same to my trash out at the curb but I know if someone happened to look out and see me do that I would feel awkward and guilty in some way even though I don't think I'm doing anything bad.
​
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
mVdmdEdjhGtie5VaePfLK8i1UigXAH49 | abtvla | {
"description": "being upset the love of my life gave me a shitty proposal",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 125
} | AITA for being upset the love of my life gave me a shitty proposal? | My fiance and I talked in the spring about getting engaged over this past summer. We have been together for 3 years and living together for a year. It didn't happen and he never let me know why. I got pretty depressed in the fall and cried a lot because I felt like he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear but dragging his feet. He finally talked to me and said he was paying off a ring (turned out to be a small lie, he was saving money to pay it all at once. I guess he lied so it would seem further along or something). This back info is just to explain that he knew it was very important to me.
​
Finally over the weekend we went up to the finger lakes in NY and he asked me. I am excited but I'm also really hurt by how he did it. The little get away was really nice but that was the only thing he really thought about... And he didnt really come up with that idea - his brother was there the weekend before. The spot he proposed to me was on snapchat days before (which is when i discovered another lie because when i was crying in the fall he told me he had it planned).
​
I was a little drunk because we had been hitting wineries all day. We walked to the waterfall and he said, "I don't want to take advantage of a drunk girl, but will you marry me?" got down on one knee with the ring. That was it. No nice things about how much he loves me.
​
I said yes and we started walking back to the car and I asked what my parents said because I had told him before that I wanted him to ask them. He didn't. He said he chickened out.
Later I was really looking at the ring and lost it. Started to bawl. We had looked at rings together a few months ago and he got me exactly what I said I didn't like. I told him I love him very much and wanted to marry him but felt unimportant to him and like this isn't what he really wanted so I didn't want to wear the ring that night. Cried A LOT.
​
We decided the next day to just exchange the ring and I just picked it - which I hated to do because I wanted him to pick it but I thought I had done a better job of explaining my style.. He said that he loves me more than anything and wants to re-proposal when the ring comes back (just for us, people already know we are engaged so we aren't going to start telling a different story. Just leave out the crying.) I REALLY want him to do this for me.
​
Am I the asshole for not focusing on the happiness and the future rather than the disappointment? Should I have not told him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 114,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 125
} | WRONG |
6CyzydlXdkQda4Lr2Lm0VBkDgLhdupIH | al7jwm | {
"description": "working on my laptop in the same room as my visiting baby nephew and brother's girlfriend, rather than going to my room",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for working on my laptop in the same room as my visiting baby nephew and brother's girlfriend, rather than going to my room? | My mom confronted me afterwards and "If you have work you need to do, go do it in your room, it's really rude and it's like you are sitting there ignoring us" | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fc8sMX18yHdKN6aI3PkKht9jV1MPQCrA | amzuza | {
"description": "asking my parents for a console",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my parents for a console | To introduce myself I’ll explain more, I’m 14 and part of a immigrant family my parents immigrated from Mexico legally and had me in California. My family and I are well off (not sure the income) but we can afford basic needs like groceries, WiFi , and can afford a middle class house. Now that we have that covered I’ll explain why I feel like an asshole.
So the reason I feel like an ass is because I ask my parents for a console. And I know I sound like it isn’t that important and that it’s pretty petty but I genuinely can’t really relate to most of my friends nevertheless play with them. The thing I play on is a Inspiron 10 laptop which I would say isn’t that bad, but the problem is it doesn’t preform well I had to buy a cooling pad to help it perform but it didn’t help that much.
The problem is that I don’t really have a means of getting money at my age and I can’t get money from doing labored tasks like mowing lawns shoveling snow or sweeping a driveway because I live in a middle class area where they wouldn’t pay someone to do it if they could do it for free. I also don’t get and allowance from my parents and I mostly get money from birthdays and or Christmas.
Final note: I just want to know if I’m being ungrateful and an asshole for asking my two parents who already work a lot for something like a console because even I think it’s kind of a shit thing to do. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BAImWwKKaX7A6DBZg0jMqZlPSnX1a5Yx | arj37p | {
"description": "refusing to speak to my parents because of their s.o",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Refusing to Speak to My Parents Because of Their S.O? | Hi folks, this is something that has been pressing my mind for a while, and after some more recent events, it's been heavily on my mind. Sorry it's a little long, but I'll put a TL;DR at the end.
​
I'm a 21-year-old college psych student who is about eight hours away from her parents. My mom and dad are divorced (I believe they divorced in 2008) however they keep in very close contacts with each other. Like, people mistake them as a married couple all the time. This is relative but isn't the issue I'm having.
​
My mom has a lot of mental health issues and is very gullible when it comes to social media. In the past year, she met someone online, on a popular dating app. The guy is pretty good looking from his pictures, in the army, and I guess he is very charming. I say I guess because she has never physically met the man but is obsessed with him. My mother is almost 60 years old, and this man looks like he's in his early 30s. Which, hey their both adults. What bothers me is that the man (I'll call him R) ask for money constantly to where it has put my mom very far in debt. I believe he is a catfish trying to scam my mother. Every time he says he's going to meet her, he never shows up and says that he can't because 'the captain wants him to stay' or 'he doesn't have the money to get back.' R also says he's in the military (I think the Army), but the pictures he's sent my mom are always in different uniforms. I don 't know a lot about the military, but I know that if you're in the Army, you usually don't wear a Navy's uniform, or etc. Yet, the pictures have different uniforms on each time. Also, the guy always looks different to me in each photo, as if they were different people.
R also asks for ridiculous amounts of money too, the most he has asked for is $4,000 in USD, but wants them sent to Ghana. Before my third year of school started, my mom said that if I wanted to live there I'd have to send R $3000 (I had some money from a car accident I was in and was compensated for) and we would call that the rent. Because I had nowhere else to go (I will explain why in a bit) I did it. I'm not proud of it, but I didn't really have a choice.
My mom has also asked me to text R, and I say no because I don't trust him and she becomes verbally and emotionally abusive when I say no.
​
My dad, on the other hand, is generally a nice guy. I'm really close to him, and he's a bit more street smart. However, my dad does a lot of dangerous shit like drugs and hangs out with crowds I'm not comfortable with. He also believes that R is a catfish, but my mom will lash out at my dad too. My mom thinks my dad is still in love with her, which is not the case. My dad has an on-and-off-again girlfriend who I will call B. B I have met, and from what I have seen about her, I also do not trust her. She has been civil with me, so I return the favor. However, she is more addicted to drugs then my dad has many accounts on apps like Tinder, POF, etc. and she gets physically abusive on my dad. For example, B once threatened to stab my dad, then she blamed her 'rapid mood swings' on being diagnosed with Bipolar 1. (Which btw, that's not how Bipolar works, people with Bipolar do not become rapidly and dangerously angry in a few hours.) People with Bipolar usually go from manic to depressed at the quickest, in a month.) So I think B is really dangerous for my dad.
My dad will also expect B of cheating on her because she was an 'adult entertainer' before she met my dad. She will go out at odd hours and come home 3 hours later. My dad gets really mad about this, and once he strongly thinks she is cheating on him, he will think he has her, come to me or my mother, bawling his eyes out, plot some type of revenge on B (getting her housing taken away, getting her arrested for prostitution, etc.) though after a week they will get back together. This cycle repeats once a month.
Because my dad stays with B, when they fight, he is homeless and asks me for money. They live in a pretty bad area of town too that is known for gangs, drugs, prostitutes, and dangerous crimes, (I've been groped by strangers when I went to high school in his area twice) so I refuse to go live down there.
I'm okay with my parents venting to me because, hey, we all need an open ear, but when I try and offer them advice they either ignore it, get mad at me, or block me. A few weeks ago my dad ranted about B kicking him out again, only for today he got back with her and now is thinking about moving cities with her. They broke up the 10th of February and made up the 14th of February. (I wrote this on the 17th of February) I told him that maybe they should really think this over, since it's been an off an on thing for a while, and if your name is both on a lease, then it will be hard for him to get out of that. He told me he talked it over with B, and they would be happy, and he wasn't worried about a 'little fight.' And it's not kind of judge B.
My mom asked me to text R because they got into a fight, and I said, no because I don't feel comfortable fixing their fight. My mom told me to go fuck myself because I don't like R. My mother even said that if it was my dad and her getting back together, then I wouldn't fight them on this. This is also untrue because they are very unhealthy for each other too.
As you can see, I'm very upset about this, and I told both of them that I was tired of being a scapegoat and if they didn't want to listen to the issues I have with their S.O then I'm not going to talk to them. Both of them are in a very unhealthy relationship, I don't really like either of their S.O, and I don't want to really talk to them until they break up with them or get some help, which they don't do either.
​
Both don't really have anyone to talk to because my mom is a hermit (literally, she stays in her house all day) and my dad doesn't trust his friends. Both have been known to have suicidal tendencies, and I feel like if they did break up with their S.O and I didn't talk to them, they might try to kill themselves.
​
My sister and my friends think it would be a good idea to not talk to them because I'm in the middle and they use me as a stress relief more than an ear. My brother and some of my family thinks I'm being too hard on them and to not give up on them because they are family and if I give up on them they might hurt themselves, and I'm being selfish.
​
I'm in my 3rd year of college and getting ready to explore grad school. Part of me even wants to move out of the state because my life is less chaotic when I don't have to deal with their bullcrap.
​
Am I the Asshole?
​
TL;DR: I think my parents are in unhealthy relationships and they want me to fix everything. I tell them I don't want to hear it, and not to talk to me until they break-up with them. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4oKxTS5lSVKjvrXwUYTYSGSA3qBmIIAM | 9tdqti | {
"description": "asking for the address to a party",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For asking for the address to a party? | So my friend and the host of the party we were going to have been having some beef and as a result she got uninvited. To be clear me and this friend were not going to the party together, but she had been complaining to me about the host uninviting her for some time now.
So the party is tonight and I have no idea where to even go so I have to get an address, and being that she knows the host better than I, I asked her for the address.
She didn’t like that, so was that rude or...? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
zyJfrMqU2xJdNQg2jthzG60LVVqVZjOS | b32sro | {
"description": "giving my daughter the same name as my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I gave my daughter the same name as my cousin? | My husband and I just found out the gender of our baby (a girl!) and we’ve been thinking about baby names. My cousin just recently had a baby boy, and named him “Daniel” (not real names used). I’ve always liked the baby name “Danielle” and he likes it too. We’re holding off on breaking the news to everyone until a few more weeks so I haven’t talked with my cousin about it, although I don’t see her very often. WIBTA if we named our baby Danielle, even if it is so close to Daniel? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fLdPZX5mcvt7ZViaXXJZsVwhcbVcgSMN | a8kl41 | {
"description": "refusing to play translator for a holiday I'm taking with friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA if I refused to play translator for a holiday I'm taking with friends? | I'm planning a trip with 3 or so friends to go to France in the summer. Now I speak fluent French, although I'm rusty, having done it for 7 years through school (ages 11-18) and using it during my degree for research. 2 of my other friends also speak the language to varying degrees, mostly at a conversational level.
Now something has cropped up which is bothering me- namely that on a few occasions I've had members of the group openly assume that I'm going to be a translator. On one occasion we were looking up some tourist sites online and some art thing we found was in French only. One of the friends who wanted to go to this was saying "well that's not a problem, you can translate", making the assumption that I'd be happy doing this, which I'm not. I said this at the time and it caused something of an argument, with her saying I'm being selfish and me saying that it's more so to simply expect that I'm going to do something without asking.
As far as I'm concerned, it's my holiday too and the last thing I want is to be a workhorse, especially when in at least two people's cases they're perfectly capable of working things out for themselves using a phrasebook or simply learning stuff beforehand. Neither is it totally impossible if they're that worried about their language skills, especially with the Internet, that we couldn't find things to do which have the option of using the English language.
So, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
VAJpyQSL2gaWL0OS22tPtETlnucgKzut | ah1kwt | {
"description": "thinking my SO friendship with another man[40ish] is crossing a line",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for thinking my[22M] SO[21F] friendship with another man[40ish] is crossing a line? | This is in the UK, if that matters.
My[22M] SO[21F] has an older friend [40ishM] 'Bill' whom she is very close with. Their relationship in my eyes is too close and I've discussed this with her before but she thinks I'm being an over protective and reading into things.
I don't know much about Bill, other than that they met through facebook before I knew her. He's in a relationship I think, and works in a carehome with kids.
Their relationship has always been a point of arguments for us. Bill often sends her money, and pays for gifts for her (like phones) and even drives 2+ hours each way to see her sometimes, as we moved to a different city recently. He even got a tattoo of a line from one of her poems on his arm.
They use to send each other messages daily and talk about very emotional stuff. They'd send lots of kisses at the end of each message and she told me they even say they love each other. She insists this is all platonic and they both only see each other as friends. She's never hidden any of this from me which leads me to believe she isn't lying. However, she has hidden Bill sending her money before and almost seems to deliberately move away when they message sometimes. She says this is because I try to read the messages over her shoulder, but he's the only person I've noticed her do it for. Also, when he comes up to visit her, it's when I'm busy or they go out alone together. Even if I'm free, and I'd be willing to go with them. She said it was because she wants to spend time with her friend alone.
We'd argued about this before and ended up arguing about it a few times more, but finally we came to a kind of conclusion where I thought she agreed with me that my insecurities were valid and she'd lower the level of the relationship. From then she stopped messaging him as much.
However, from before all this ( before me and my SO met even) they'd arranged to go to a gig in another city (Bill is paying for everything, tickets, hotel and anything like food). Now, this is not all I am concerned about. Initially I was weary about this, had said to her I was anxious as well, but was going to be ok with her going.
He's driving the 2+ hours (out of the way I should add) to pick her up and then they are driving to the other city ~2 hours from here. This is on a Friday. It turned out my friend who lives in that city wanted to meet up with me and her, so I said it would be convenient if I could go with my SO and Bill as they drive down. I'd meet up with our friends as they see the gig and then me and her spend the rest of the weekend with our friends and get the train back. (Note: my SO is the one who told me they wanted to meet up, and I said it was the same weekend she was going away so it would work. She didn't realise it was the same weekend.)
She said sure at first, but we didn't actually talk about it. As it's coming up closer I was trying to figure out what we're meant to be doing and she didn't really seem like she wanted to talk about it. Then she started saying how she'd feel bad about ditching Bill on the Saturday. I said we wouldn't meet our friends until the evening anyway and that me and her could spend the day with Bill. She said she didn't want me there and would rather spend the day with him alone, as Bill has spent all this money on her and Bill know I'm not his biggest fan. Then she started saying how she felt like me saying I should go down with them was me keeping an eye on them, and that it would be awkward for all three of us to go together. I was a bit upset by this, and I really need to know if I'm being a dick by being anxious about all this? The argument got a bit heated and now she's said she wants to go down to see her family a few days before.
AITA for being concerned by all this?
Happy to elaborate or answer any questions people may have! Thanks for reading.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 37,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
giyLflUmbU1w0ySqJOvT4sVZd2u9ysvs | b9c9yg | {
"description": "cancelling plans with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cancelling plans with my friends | So I applied for a leadership programme and everyone everyday told me I would make the worst leader, I wasn't cut out for it, that I'm wasting my time. My parents, friends and other people in my family all told me this for months. We got results back I wasn't picked - as everyone predicted. And everyone was laughing at me. I don't blame them. I never get any of these roles - student council, jobs etc. I'm not sure why
I decided to cancel plans for this weekend. We were supposed to get pizza and watch Shazam. My friends are extremely pissed off with me but I just do not feel like hanging out with anyone this week. I just feel really down. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RpOlKEwSUyMWfdHrrBNzabUQtRpGkwKk | ayz98t | {
"description": "not telling my coworker I already got the promotion he wanted",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not telling my coworker I already got the promotion he wanted? | A lot has happened at work recently. Here's some background:
On a Friday, the entire company was informed a specific branch was closing. It was a small office of only 10 people but one of them "G" did the most important job for my 10 person department at the main office.
This was news to my manager who was technically G's supervisor.
Cue some frantic scrambling the following Monday which was cut short by a company wide tech issue that afternoon. Who would take over G's job was still a priority but it seemed like it was put aside for the time being.
That Wednesday I was unexpectedly offered G's job by our manager with supervisor present. I officially accepted Thursday morning. This wasn't an open position and I wasn't anticipating the offer. I was happy with my current job and left it up to my superiors to decide who could fill the role.
On Friday I hear my coworker "S" talking about asking our manager for G's job, S had scheduled a meeting already and was asking for tips on how to secure the position. He mentioned he wanted to go through all his recent accomplishments before actually asking for the job.
I was technically eavesdropping but there had already been a couple opportunities for my supervisor or manager to announce my promotion to our department. They hadn't and figured it was for a good reason so I didn't want to announce it myself.
I texted my supervisor to ask if I could tell S he should cancel but she was in a meeting and didn't reply in time.
S spent an hour with our manager marketing himself and trying to get the job.
Come Monday and I am announced as the recipient of this promotion. Ever since S has been acting weird around me and so have the other couple coworkers he had told about wanting that promotion.
I didn't ask for this promotion but telling him that won't help, S is absolutely qualified for this promotion but for whatever reason I received the offer. I wanted to tell him before he spent the time to present his case but I didn't trust him to keep it to himself so I wanted explicit permission first. I'm honestly not sure if he knows I had the job before it was announced or if he thinks I tried for it too.
AITA for letting him spend time on "applying" for a promotion I already had? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
SVDzqSgYCbspTV4oJhhWlsvtZDYmLX0e | av5hp3 | {
"description": "not wanting to date single moms even though I have a child",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 36
} | AITA Not wanting to date single moms even though I have a child | I have a 3 year old with my ex.
The title pretty much says it all, I don't want to date single moms. My friends said I'm an asshole for that because I have a child, but here's my reasoning:
1) I like the freedom that comes with co parenting. I don't want to balance a second child's schedule and lose out on that freedom.
2) I would like any potential mother figures to prioritize my child and not have to worry about any favoritism (i.e. biological vs step child) or timing conflicts
3) Since mothers usually have more custody time than fathers in my experience, it is a bigger burden for me to take on her kids than for her to take on mine.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 36,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 34,
"WRONG": 36
} | WRONG |
jSase8NOHWGEZpjUPMxnKrK5lgt32wRp | ak45q1 | {
"description": "getting mad at my friend for accusing me of destroying the class board",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at my friend for accusing me of destroying the class board? | So. The title is self explanatory but there is wayyy more to this mess.
This mess all started when i was 10-11 (4-5th grade. I'm 15 now and i'm still wondering about this though) when we had a class board with like.. these cartoony owls pinned on them. Every person had their own owl with their name on it. One day, some genius started getting pins and pinning them on the owl's.. crotch?? Just making it look like the owl had genitals.. The whole class was laughting about it and they started doing it to literally everyone. It was all fun and games untill my best friends friend, let's call her Sarah, decided to take a handfull of them And pinning them all in one poor owl, creating a gigant hole in the board. (it was a foam board) The teacher got really mad and confronted the class about it. My best friend had some sort of.. spíte towards me?? I'll call her Alli. She and Sarah said it was me. My other friends said it wasn't me, So the issue remained unsolved. Alli then got really mad at me And never talked to me, and trashtalked me alot of times. I honestly have no idea why, but overtime i snapped. At the point i snapped i was just.. bullied by her. I befriended her best friend (Andy) and kind off.. stealed Andy from her?? Idk-
She became even more angy and told her parents. She basically had a big breakdown. That really.. guilt tripped me since her dad and my dad were great friends And i felt really bad since i didn't want them to stop talking, also because they are coworkers and I didn't want my 'problems' to affect my dad's friendly workspace. At that point it was the end of the school year and i would be switching schools, And i didn't want us to end on bad terms so i gave her a set of art supplies for 20 US dollars. (We're both artists so yeah-) it ended on good terms And i was happy, until a few years later Andy told me my whole old class hated me because Alli told everyone i poisoned her dog (which died from a completely different thing. The dog was a hunter dog and basically she suffocated on wires while She was hunting with alli's dad. He couldn't get to her in time) and alot of other stuff. She even had some voice recordings. To this day i'm wondering if i deserved all of this?? I know this might seem stupid but i'm really curious. I'm sorry for any gramaticall mistakes i'm from czechia And english js my third language- | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P5vD6SynzAyvUMRvZ2ctqcS9ZXGi8rbM | 9zctle | {
"description": "hating my fiance who ghosted me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for hating my fiance who ghosted me | AITA reddit, this is a long one buckle up ill keep it as tight as possible.
Young expat in switzerland
I run 2 companies here
Meet a gorgeous girl over instagram
We go back and forth for a few months eventually i meet her in person
Ukrainian underwear model at university here
That first coffee i fell in love with her inmediately, hit me like a tonne of bricks. Shes drop dead gorgeous, 2 masters degrees and we laughed for 4 hours over a 1 hour date.
She drops the bombshell that shes homeless.
I have been homeless before and so i say look stay with me for a month, ill sleep on the sofa, nothing expected, ive been there before i am sure you wont rob me so id like to help, genuinely no other thoughts there.
She moves in, she hadnt eaten, i take her to dinner we are a little tipsy, she initiates and we get to action that night.
Sweet fucking jesus she a freak, it was fucking incredible.
Ffw 3 days, she tells me she loves me, i feel the same.
Ffw 5 months. I propose to her here at storchen. It was perfect.
Ffw 1 month.
Company is doing kind of shitty, cut back on expenses. We argue over money. Well, we argue over my money anyway she never pays a thing.
We gt tipsy after talking it through as usual, she reveals she used to be a high end escort, thats why she was homelesd that day as her husband at the time had found out....wat
We talk it through, tbh if i was a woman here i would also do that shit, 20k a month to fuck busy bankers...ez
We carry on all is good.
One month later
Lump appears on my neck
Cancer
Doc says its a one op procedure
Fiancee cant come to uk without visa so im lonely boi.
Book surgery for a few weeks after.
She still pesters me about eating out everyday or whatever, kinda suspicious st this point about her intentions.
Go back for surgery, lump is big and by arteries. Kinda risky.
I call her 1 hour before surgery.
Nothing.
Call her 4 more times she declined them.
Get a message just before anaesthesia
Goodluck.
Thats literally it.
We had picked out childrens names and shit.
Fucking goodluck
Come back to swiss.
Her shit is out of the house.
I saw her again the other day after 3 months of no contact.
Why?
I just couldnt handle the lack of stability.
Bitch i could have died and i was your stability.
So number 1 reddit.
AITA for hating this woman.
Number 2 AITA for planning thid revenge:
I used to do wealth management for her head of studies, i can send him the evidence that she is literally a prostitute and get her booted out. I can give the tax authoritied her earnings to have her sued for thousands.
And then öf cöurse there are all her friends that think she does marketing that i can also pass the evidence on to.
Also her mum and dad think she just had a well off boyfriend...she did...but i can tell them what their daughter actually does
R/niceguy but literally all i did is help her when homeless and love her
I dont think this level of hatred is unjustified
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
20mv4Ojvco1j3tDgglSLv7z70JOZHyDo | awfu0a | {
"description": "wanting to divorce because stepchild",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 25
} | AITA for wanting to divorce because stepchild? | I'm (30f) and married to my husband (30m) now for 6 months. We had been dating for 2 years and when we got married and we moved to a new town together and then moved in together. He has a 4yo daughter who I had a pleasant relationship with. I've watched her grow up. I think she is a cute tyke but I dont love her. I've tried, believe me, but we are not compatable. Now that we have all started living together, I'm starting to dislike her personality and the way she acts just like her mother who I have an okay relationship with but do not particularity like. I feel like I gave it a real chance but I told my husband that I was thinking about divorcing him. He got upset, as expected, and told me that this information should have been provided before I married him. I told him that I love him but didn't truly know that living with him and his child would be so difficult. He said that I would grow to love her and that I should stick around. I disagree and I think I've really given it a fair trial. AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 25
} | WRONG |
CXgFDwA4RtwvLp6P3jkekphD7aTjnigd | ajtz56 | {
"description": "disinviting my friend to my bachelor party",
"pronormative_score": 42,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for disinviting my friend to my bachelor party? | I am getting married Sunday, we are having my bachelor party in Vegas, and riding back that morning.
When the bus gets to my good friend Charlie's, he has his girlfriend in tow. He invited her(or she invited herself). So he expected her to just get on the bus and come to vegas with us.
I said no. I was very pissed off. Serena has had Charlie wrapped around her little finger for 2 years, and they havent even spent a single day apart since they met.
Serena tried to hit us the the old "if I cant go, Charlie wont go". So we left them both. Serena is a nightmare, and when Charlie is around her he is a pussy. Charlie tried to pull me aside and say that if we let her come he would get her her own room and she wouldn't bother us. I told him that his only choice was to grow some balls and tell her no.
Charlie thought I was bluffing because we have been friends since the sandbox. I left them both in LA. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 42,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 42,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
lrvd9ct9CoThtyzJP1fO98Ojtz3FfsEV | aqn74j | {
"description": "telling my S/o that my friend is using her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my S/O that my friend is using her boyfriend (my S/O's friend) | So this is a long post, TL;DR at the bottom
I've known this girl for several years now, I found out back in July 2018 that she was going behind her boyfriends back, talking shit about him, comparing him to her ex in everything he did, she even sent me a screenshot of a conversation between her and some other guy, basically them flirting. I didn't say anything about this to her, thinking it wasn't my place to get involved.
Maybe a week or 2 after that, her boyfriend found messages on her laptop (unintentionally) to several other guys that she's been texting and flirting with behind his back. This obviously upset the guy, so he came to my S/O and told him about all this. My partner came to me, and told me about this, because seeing as she's my friend, I should try and talk to her. I confronted her and she went to her boyfriend, and started giving him shit for going to my S/O and "spreading gossip".
Somehow, me and my partner turned out to be the cause of they argument, which we weren't keen on being involved in in the first place. And we lost touch for most of the summer.
When I came back to university in September, my friend and I briefly met up with another mutual friend of ours, we seemed to talk it out, and come to the conclusion that what happened during the summer wasn't anyone's fault and it was just a big misunderstanding where everyone ended up getting heated and overreacting. This was fine, we ended up talking and stuff again, seemed like everything was behind us.
Recently we met up again, she had a few drinks and accidentally let it slip to us that she was planning to break up with her boyfriend after she finds her own place to move into, because she "doesn't see it going anywhere" .. "he's just not (her ex's name).."I just need a place to stay at the moment and have nowhere else to go". This surpised and shocked me, and I asked her is she sure she wants to break up because them two seem to work so well.
At the end of the night, I came home to my partner and tell him about this as it was kind of concerning me. He told me that he was thinking of just going to her boyfriend and telling him about this, as she is just using him and it isn't fair on the guy. I thought it was the right thing to do, so I ended up texting my friend and gave her a heads up. Basically saying "hey look, I told my S/O about what you said, with all the breaking up and stuff, sorry, I know it wasn't my place, but it didn't seem fair" she then came at me saying that she had never said that she was definitely going to break up with him (she did), etc. And that now she's gonna have to deal with that, thanks a lot.
My partner didn't even bother contacting the guy anyway though.
I dismissed these as I knew she had a few drinks earlier that night, but she texted me the next day saying that I've always been a horrible friend, and that I only ever met up with her and our other friend to get the gossip, and then "report back to your keeper" which I found absurt and laughable to be honest.
I have since stopped talking to her, blocked her on social media. I did see her a couple of days ago and we exchanged a few words, in which she informed me that she has in fact broken up with her boyfriend and that she has found a new place to live in, etc. I'm just not sure if I was an asshole in this, telling my boyfriend in confidence something that was bothering me.
TL;DR: ex friend was using her boyfriend, his money, car, house, etc. She was planning to break up with him as soon as she had backup, and told me this. I told my S/O about this as he is friends with her boyfriend. He wanted to text him to warn him, I talked him out of it, but still told my friend that I had told him. She flipped out and started insulting me saying that I can't keep my mouth shut | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
RGxwzvvoJzObW5YIKHP0yaW4gyO3dNT1 | b8zla0 | {
"description": "asking my boyfriend to pay off my car loan or buy me a new car after he totaled mine",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 54
} | AITA for asking my boyfriend to pay off my car loan or buy me a new car after he totaled mine? | Hi All,
​
A month ago my unlicensed (DUI) boyfriend insisted he go to the store to buy me bottle of wine to celebrate our 9 months of dating. I initially rejected the idea and he pressed it in an attempt to do a good deed, I eventually gave in. About 40 minutes later I get a frantic call from him, he had been in a car accident. When I got to the scene the car was a wreck, it was confirmed by both the police and the other driver involved that my boyfriend was NOT at fault.
​
Well I got my insurance payout and I still owe $1200 on my loan. My boyfriend bought himself a car that I can "use" until he gets his license and I can't afford to get a new car and still need to pay off my loan. My boyfriend also offered to pay my loan and then I can pay him back. Problem is I feel like he should pay off my loan or buy me a new car since he put my in this shitty situation but he feels like since he wasn't at fault and I had a shitty car that he did me a favor.
​
Should I ask my boyfriend to financially contribute? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 32,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 54
} | WRONG |
eDrqliaQhDy7GSj82ZTvEXJFMhKGcmKK | b0jrfj | {
"description": "blocking a friend after she didn't respect me being sick",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for blocking a friend after she didn't respect me being sick? | So, first time poster, bear with me please.
​
So a while back, I caught a really bad cold, and laid in bed for two weeks straight. As people know, How to Train a Dragon 3 came into the cinemas, and a 'friend' and I wanted to go there. When the time came to discuss this, I informed her that I am sick and unable to go to the cinemas. I also informed her that I'll message her once I feel better.
​
After a while, she kept pestering me, to the point I told her I am sorry, I am sick, I can't go to the cinema.
That's when she started posting online about how she is disappointed that some friends don't wanna talk anymore since she left the dorm we were in.
I didn't really bother talking with her over this, and concluded, that when she has to post this, I'll just ignore her for a while.
Admitting, this might not have been the smartest move of me. I blocked her on my mobile device.
​
Anyways, a few days ago, she decided to message me on Facebook. I didn't really feel up to message her back, since I felt kinda out of energy.
​
Am I the asshole, for deciding to block her when she didn't respect the fact I was sick and made drama over this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bpNnmG2YWy10WNeQrJjLn6xhd9rffOd1 | augd9c | {
"description": "not letting my grandma have her dog",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not letting my grandma have her dog? | My wife's grandmother just sold her house and is moving into the state my wife and I live in. She does not have a house purchase plan yet so my wife, daughter (9mo), and I offered to let her stay with us while she hammers that out (she has little money so we are trying to help with her housing cost for the time). She has a little dog though.
My wife is allergic to dogs and this dog has nipped all three of us (9mo included) at some time. To top that, it is not house trained. My wife and I decided the dog could stay in a gated part of our kitchen for easy clean up later. We told her grandmother this.
Tonight we finally brought her grandmother to our house (we drove, packed up her house, moved her belonging into storage this weekend). When we all decided to go to bed she grabbed her dog and went to head to her room and I told her she could not bring the dog. She told me that it was all she had and if she could not take the dog with her to bed that I need to take her to a motel.
Background on her to even the story...
She lost her husband a year ago and has been living with this dog alone. She is 80 and has very few friends. Now even leas friends as she has moves 6 hours away.
I don't want the dog anywhere where it will make a mess, bite my daughter (she is crawling and should be allowed to in her own house), leave dander for my wife's allergies or poop/pee and ruin the floors.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
rZ1qarhO03DAY5u1d33CZXnuH7X4Dthf | anv3g0 | {
"description": "not telling my wife a secret I promosed to keep",
"pronormative_score": 438,
"contranormative_score": 41
} | AITA for not telling my wife a secret I promosed to keep? | A friend of mine's wife had gotten pregnant, and on a night out he took me away from everyone to tell me the awesome news, but asked me to promise not to tell anyone. My wife's friends are also in the same group, so he asked if I could please not tell her (especially as his wife was only eight weeks pregnant) until they had attended their 12-week scan to confirm everything was ok.
I agreed, and kept it to myself. Week 12 comes along and the pregnancy is announced - I told my wife how happy I was to be able to talk about it with her having known for a little while, which is when the argument started. She feels that as her wife there should be absolutely no secrets, regardless of if anyone wants me to keep it from her.
Am I the asshole for not telling her after making a promise that I wouldn't? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 36,
"OTHER": 400,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 38,
"INFO": 9
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 438,
"WRONG": 41
} | RIGHT |
3dftYx9DW9yRughLrxx2GFUcuGc2ODJB | a0va27 | {
"description": "telling my (ex)girlfriend's sister she had suicidal intentions",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my (ex)girlfriend’s sister she had suicidal intentions | I’ll try to fit in as much detail as possible. This is something that has weighed on my chest for a long time and probably indirectly led to the end of my relationship with this person.
So I was dating a girl (M) who lived far away from me. Like, across the Atlantic, in the UK. She and I got along very well, and always made plans to see each other one day when the time was right or opportunity was available. One day, my family and I started planning a trip to the UK and it was then that I was able to go see her, she lived in Birmingham so that was a little out of the way but I paid for the train ticket and was able to spend the day with her and even now it was one of the most magical, “holy shit this is happening” days of my life. Nothing could ever be so surreal as physically seeing her after months.
Anyways, for almost as long as we were dating she’d been struggling with depression. She made me promise to never tell anyone about it, and talked to me about thoughts she had about ending her life and how she was completely unhappy. I did all that I could without physically being present, but she always seemed to deteriorate more and more, and it was at its worst when I finally went to see her. She was extremely happy and so was I, that goes without saying. However as soon as I left she sort of went back to the same state of mind, which I expected because depression is a monster that isn’t easily or quickly defeated. Fast forward a couple days and she tells me she wants to actually kill herself. This sends me into hysterics but I didn’t show it since we were talking over text and then I Skyped her to try and talk with her as calmly and as reassuring as possible. I end up being unable to talk her into promising me she wouldn’t try anything so I spilled everything to her older sister, who was at home and could talk with her physically and stop M from doing anything if need be. I never told M that I told her sister, which is an asshole move on my part and I regret entirely.
A couple months later her sister tells her what I did, and M goes off on me, calling me a dick, a loser, untrustworthy, that she was stupid to have trusted me, and completely ceased telling me anything, even just her daily life. For a few weeks after that our texts were short, the Skype calls dried up, and eventually she broke things off with me and we went our separate ways, with her saying she would never forgive me.
In my mind, I was just trying to save her. It sounds cringy but that’s what I was thinking in the moment. I could never, ever have forgiven myself had something happened to her and I be the only person that knew and said nothing to her family. I thought that stopping her from potentially hurting herself was more important than an (in hindsight) impossible promise she made me make. Am I the asshole?
TL;DR: Long distance girlfriend, struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts, only tells me, I tell one of her family members when she started implying she wanted to hurt herself in the moment, indirectly causes her to break up with me. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
TiMG1Te1t1zTisjLRo6acW0YIA5kW8os | ae2nwu | {
"description": "being mad about my boss recording me at work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being mad about my boss recording me at work? | Hi everyone, first post ever, so bear with me. TL;DR at bottom.
​
For context: I'm a data entry worker in an office making minimum wage, and my boss is a middle-aged man; He's kind of obnoxious but generally very nice to me. I'm in school for music (I'm a classical singer), and this office job is what I do for spending money.
Sometimes at work, I sing for my co-workers with when we're bored. It makes them happy, and while it's not my finest singing (no accompaniment, no warmup, etc.) I'm happy to do it because I believe music should be a part of everyone's daily lives and I love sharing opera with people who don't usually listen to it. I've done this 4 times over my time there.
The first time I sang for them, I didn't notice I was being recorded by my boss until after I was finished singing. I didn't want to say anything for fear of being asshole-y, but I did find it rude that someone would record me without my permission. I thought it was common courtesy, but I digress...
Time #2: The day after time #1, my boss ordered me to go outside and sing for another co-worker who missed my singing the day before and wanted to hear me. I did it because it was more fun than working, and I felt very put on the spot. Again, I don't want to be an asshole, so I obliged. She did not record me, and was happy to hear some music during her workday.
Time #3 of singing at work: A new guy joined the staff, and I made sure to ask the group not to record while I was singing. The new guy recorded me anyway, and again, not wanting to be an asshole, I didn't ask him to delete it, but I did ask him not to send it to anyone. He left the company shortly after.
Time #4: My boss' boss (BB) was coming to town, and my boss jokingly-but-also-not-jokingly told me I'd have to sing for BB when she got here. I get that I do an interesting thing that not everyone sees every day, but I'm not a bird. I don't sing on command and TBH, if you're going to ask me to sing for you like this, at what point am I doing free work I would normally charge for? This is my profession, and I make a lot more than minimum wage when I perform professionally. I tried to reject the request in a joking way, but I felt bad, so I offered to sing something short after work when BB left. After saying no to singing for BB, my boss said "oh no worries, I have my own recording to show her!" I asked to see the recording, and he tried to show me by scrolling through a text conversation between him and someone else, meaning he's sent this video to someone. He never found the recording on his phone, and dismissed me after a few seconds of scrolling. Right before I sang for the group later that day, my boss mentioned off-handedly that he sent the video of me to the whole district. I sang for them anyway, because no one had their phones out, and I promised one woman in particular I'd sing for her because she hadn't heard me before, but I was very angry after hearing that.
​
I haven't said anything to anyone about it because I don't want to be a diva or a jerk, and I don't want to blow anything out of proportion. I have mentioned that I have a YouTube channel in the hopes that this will stop people from feeling the need to record for themselves. Again, I don't want to be a diva, but singing *is* my career, and as a young artist I'd like to have as much control as possible over what content has my name and voice attached to it. In the videos I have posted online, I look and sound my best; When I sing for funsies at work, I do not. I know no one at this random office has the power to make or break my career or to make me go viral, but it's the principle. I don't think I'll sing at work ever again which makes me sad, but if people can't respect my boundaries, I can't continue to put myself in that position. I fear my pushy boss will make things awkward the next time he tries to make me sing for someone and I decline, but I want these recordings to stop, and in a perfect world, the ones that do exist would be deleted.
**TL;DR**: Professional singer being asked to sing for office fun at side-job. I do it, and some people really enjoy the music and are respectful, but others record and share it w/o my permission. I'm planning on refusing all future requests to sing for people at work and might even talk to some about deleting any existing recordings on their phones. I don't want to rob others of a fun thing they seem to really like because of a few bad apples. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
z3Fh3SpUtkeZDsZlz6d9mCIOgxqlQdVp | a7mlyd | {
"description": "telling a girl that I wasn't looking for a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling a girl that I wasn't looking for a relationship? | Background: 27(m) coworkers set me up with a 22(f) who is new in town. We exchange pictures through friends and then phone numbers. I am a satisfied bachelor at the moment but figured i would give it a shot b/c what the heck. We begin to text to try to get to know each other. About a week and 75 texts later I feel no chemistry or real desire to continue the conversation. Texting back becomes a chore and I found myself waiting sometimes hours. I made the decision not to lead her on or anything and told her that I wasnt really looking for a relationship and I apologized for jumping into something before really analyzing my motivations.
Co workers who set me up are livid. They express that im rude for sending that message without getting to know the girl better. Called me judgy for not giving her more chances. I thought I was being quite civil about it.
TLDR: coworkers set me up, I wasnt feeling it, coworkers upset calling me names. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
QBGDSq4lTzuCRE0MFvNSdHJHKTmLs2vx | a8tptx | {
"description": "making a decision that potentially resulted in a handicapped person missing their flight",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making a decision that potentially resulted in a handicapped person missing their flight? | As I boarded my plane today, I was approached by a staff member asking me if I wanted to change my seat to sit in the emergency row as they mistakenly placed a handicapped person there. I replied no as I did not want to have the screen far away from me and I didn't want to assist in an emergency. Then, they just said ok and let me board the plane.
Because, I was travelling with some sports equipment, I had to go to the odd sized baggage outlet to claim my baggage. There was a stroller already there when I arrived to the conveyor. 5 minutes later, my equipment came through and I heard a guy shout from the other side: "No more already". Could this possibly mean that I caused a handicapped person to miss their flight.
Additional info: I chose my seat but I am not sure if I had to pay for it.
Personal reflection: I would gladly pay the average seat change fee so that a handicapped person would not miss their flight but not for them to avoid inconvenience.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
g02BX3SYPK3P9JjXqrAnrtCK9K7lvJRD | b5h2us | {
"description": "not doing anything on my boyfriend's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 288,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for not doing anything on my boyfriend's birthday? | My birthday was last November I'd call it an alright one. I spent time with my family, my friends took me out, I had a lovely time except for one thing: my boyfriend did nothing for me. I got a happy birthday text but other than that no presents or plans of any kind. This did bother me so I brought it up with him and he told me birthdays aren't his thing, he doesn't even celibrate his own. I was disappointed but accepted that that's just the kind of guy he is, it's not like I had a bad birthday anyway. I made a metal note that he doesn't do birthdays left it at that. I feel the need to point out that this is a newish relationship, we've been together since last summer so we're still learning little things like that about eachother.
Fast forward to last weekend and Saturday was my boyfriend's birthday. We had a quiet night in, watched a movie, ordered take out and hung out. We were cuddling when he asked me what I got for him. I was surprised, said I didn't get anything and reminded of the conversation we had after my birthday. He pouted about it and asked why I didn't bother doing anything. I reminded him that he did nothing for mine, but he insisted it was different because I'm, in his words, "A birthday person". This honestly made me mad because this seems like a bullshit double standard. He does nothing for my birthday and that's okay, I do nothing for his and that's not okay? Seems like nonsense to me.
So my question here today is am I the asshole here? My boyfriend insists I am but I really don't think so. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 281,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 288,
"WRONG": 18
} | RIGHT |
vmc4btKyFYZcRLSprY2255FnBhE6BAfh | aegnsx | {
"description": "being my upset my gf of three years keeps our relationship secret",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being my upset my gf of three years keeps our relationship secret? | I met my current girlfriend in community college three years ago. When we first began dating she said that her parents would never let her date until she was completely finished with her university studies so that meant that we had to hide out and her parents could never find out. Furthermore, she also made me promise to never tell my own parents as we live in a pretty small town and she was paranoid that somehow if my parents knew they might run into her parents and they would find out and she "would be disowned." I did not understand this as we were both legally adults, but nonetheless I went along with it as she explained that in her family's culture it's normal for parents to be very overprotective of their children well into their 20s.
​
For the next two years we sort of made it work as we spent a lot of time in school together and we would occasionally go get food or hiking after school. Often times she would be visibly uncomfortable and attempt to hide her face if she suspected that someone her family knows was close by. This seemed ridiculous to me as our college and the areas we usually hang out at are a solid 30-minute drive from her town. Despite us dating for a long time, this behavior has not gone away.
​
Last year, I was about to finish my studies at CC and was accepted into a university I really wanted to go to, but this university was several states away. I let her know of this and she broke down in tears and begged me to instead study at the university closest to us which is about an hour drive away and she promised she would tell her parents about us as soon as she was herself in university. I felt bad for making her cry, so I accepted.
​
Cut to this past November which was towards the end of my first semester at this university. One day when we met up near CC she told me she was changing her career path. She originally was planning on getting her BA and then applying for a teacher's credential program to teach at the elementary school level, but pressure from her family made her switch to being a doctor. She explained that her family would never allow her to date while going to medical school and that our relationship had to be kept secret until she was out of medical school.
​
This felt like a bomb had been dropped on me as she was essentially saying that our relationship would be kept secret for nearly a decade before I would even get the chance to be introduced to her parents. I don't know what to do. I sincerely love my girlfriend, but I sometimes feel like I have wasted the last three years of my life in this relationship as it has not felt normal in the least bit.
​
TLDR: My gf and I have dated for three years and she's forced me to keep our relationship secret due to her strict parents and is telling me it has to remain that way for at least another six years. I want to break up, but I'm afraid of this coming off as heartless. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
04CU79xvXSDjKw1Ioop1ncnJ0fVaaVDl | avf72k | {
"description": "asking my parents to stop making me pay rent",
"pronormative_score": 105,
"contranormative_score": 107
} | WIBTA if I asked my parents to stop making me pay rent? | I’m a 21 year old living with my parents and my two younger brothers (both in elementary school). My schedule consists of working ~8 hour shifts Tuesday, Thursday, and weekends, while having class for 8 hours on MWF. This does not account for time spent on homework.
I pay my parents $150 in rent every month because they claim to be struggling with bills and I can’t afford my own place only working ~30 hours a week on $11/hour.
However, they seem to be doing fine, buying new beds and televisions and generally blowing money on unnecessary things.
Since I pay for my own car insurance, gas, tolls (necessity, unless I want to use double the gas and take 90+ minutes to get to school), and phone bill, I’m stretched thin on money as is. I’m barely able to save for when I’m out of school, let alone spend money on anything during my little free time.
So given the situation, if I asked them to hold off on asking for rent, would I be an entitled asshole? Or would that be reasonable? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 103,
"OTHER": 51,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 54,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 105,
"WRONG": 107
} | WRONG |
31IefEqyWbptGqp8IABIyLMI4mlmMfUn | 9xlwd7 | {
"description": "getting upset at my so for not approving photos I post on his fb timeline",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA if I get upset at my SO (29M) for not approving photos I post on his FB timeline? | It would be nice if he would be proud of us in social media. I don’t post all the time anyway.
But I sometimes think that he has all rights in his social media account after all.. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
NXxDfipsAVjKqOvygXYnpPjQWj0g86EC | ak3vgy | {
"description": "telling my husband leave work to drive me to the auto repair shop",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling my husband leave work to drive me to the auto repair shop | I am not able to keep my cool about this and longer. I don't like shouting because I think it makes me look like a lunatic, but at the same time I've lost all patience.
Last election day I was in a multi-car accident that was my fault. No one was hurt, and most of the damage to all the cars was minimal. But the insurance company decided that the cost of repairs to my car was valued higher than my car, so they totaled it.
After 10 exhausting days of test driving & trying to decide on a different car, I decided that I loved my previous car so much that I bought another similar used car; same make & model, older year. It was mint condition and I was excited. The car dealer was an hour from my house, which didn't seem like an issue at the time of purchase.
When I drove the car home, I noticed an oil leak on the floor of my garage. Called the dealer who said he would take care of it and 2 days later he gave me a loaner car until it was repaired.
Driving home from the dealer, I stopped to get gas and noticed my bumper had a hole in it and a bumper light was cracked. At this point I'm feeling jinxed, but I reach out to the dealer again who promises to fix it since it happened in his lot.
This was Thanksgiving week and the following week I was scheduled to have a mastectomy with immediate breast reconstruction. Having a ton of anxiety about the upcoming 10 hour surgery, my husband assured me that he would take my car to the dealer for repair while I was home recovering. At that time he was going to be off work to help me, and I was glad that I didn't have to think about it anymore.
My surgery happened, he was off work, and my parents even stayed an extra week to help with the kids...But my car sat in the garage. I wasn't able to drive for several weeks due to the type of reconstruction I had. After my surgery, doctors said I would need chemotherapy because my cancer had spread to a lymph node. I'm a real fucking sob story these days.
Last week I drove the car to the dealer on my way to chemotherapy and dropped it off. I took a train and several uber rides to get to chemo, my husband picked me up after treatment and drove me home. The dealer said the repair would take 2 days, and after a week he finally said 5 pm on Friday. I said I would pick it up Saturday and texted him when I was about to leave. At that point, he told me it wasn't going to be ready until Monday because the repair wasn't good enough and needed to be redone.
I know the dealer is the asshole in this story, but I'm also furious at my husband for not handling this 2 months ago as promised. I told him I need him to drive me to the dealer to pick up the car but he said I'll have to take an uber. I don't think I should have to go alone. I don't want to go alone. I don't even want to have to deal with this. Shouldn't he have to drive me? Isn't that the least he can do?! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
Q9IGegYRKddoIHKZO8Rzm7PrVwCtxw13 | b69701 | {
"description": "criticizing police officers for this",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for criticizing police officers for this? | I am in the ride-along program, and the other day, we stopped at a domestic. When they arrested the guy, I know that people often choose if they want them to press charges and even arrest instead of citation (often to separate them), but what transpired next is weird. The officers asked her if she wants his hands cuffed in front of him or behind his back, and she choose behind his back, so they did so. I told the officers that that is stupid that they let the victim choose something so specific like that, but they told me that it is right that they ask and let them choose that. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
mzqgDbfrEYoxLbv53KeNNCogKlDEPQJh | ahrvva | {
"description": "not giving the customer what he wants after threatening me because I was taking a nap",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not giving the customer what he wants after threatening me because I was taking a nap | I manage a new and used furniture store and the other day I took a little cat nap in the office. Whoops. I know that's super unprofessional, but it was a painfully slow day and it was the first one that I've done in a very very long time.
My office manager apparently walked in with photo of a table on her phone and shook me awake to get a confirmation on a price for a customer. I apparently said $300 and went right back to sleep. I wake up like five minutes later, continue helping at the same customer, and looked at their invoice on the computer. I noticed a table on it and asked her "Amanda, what the hell is that?" She said "It's the table."
"What table??"
"The one I asked you about in the office while you were sleeping...?"
I had no idea what the hell she was talking about and saw the table that she apparently showed me. The table was a handcrafted all Oak and mahogany dining table and is going for $1,000. At that point I just had to admit and explain to the customer that I have no recollection of her asking me about this table and give him the actual price it was going for. He starts going off saying "no, that's bullshit... that's what I was told and agreed-upon... so now you have to eat it and give it to me for that much."
I explained to him that I can't give it for that little and I'll be willing to compromise for this misunderstanding and give him a 20% discount as a floor model and give it to him for $800 instead. He didn't even speak to me directly and starts claiming me as a "snake" because that's not what he heard and I'm going back on my word as a business owner and "a man". I told him that I could easily say that he's a snake back for trying to take advantage of me while I was asleep.
This goes on back and forth for like a good 40 minutes and, mind you, we haven't run a single card and we haven't touched a dime of his. But to him, we already owe him this table for not a penny more than $300. No takesy backsies. It finally escalates to me just ignoring the issue with the table all together and asking them what color does he want the other items he ordered in. He said he doesn't want to buy anything at all anymore. So I said "Great we're done here then" and just deleted the invoice altogether. Now the dude asked me if I want to talk to him outside.
I said "What we got to talk about? I've been taking to you for past 45 minutes."
"No, c'mon, I just want to talk to you."
"Why we gotta go outside for that?"
"I can talk to you behind that counter if you want."
"Really, with all these cameras are around us?"
"Yeah I don't care."
"Yeah man, I don't want to talk to you man."
"Yeah, I bet you don't...." And he walks out and waits there by his car for me to get out.
But it's a good thing he did though. The second I saw that door close, I called 911. I let them know that a customer threatened to assault me because of a misunderstanding over a price. About 10 minutes later while the guy was still outside, three cops showed up and started questioning him. They came in and questioned me, I told him what went down, and they told me if the guy comes back, I can call them up and they'll take him away. They're right down the street. He eventually left after he saw the cops weren't leaving. We locked up and I was walking to my car to get home safely
I told this to a few members of my family and friends and they told me one of two things:
° "This wouldn't have happened if you weren't sleeping on the job like a bum. Clearly, he was way more wrong, but you weren't right."
° "Next time you get a situation, or deal with a person like that, just give him what he wants and get him the fuck out of your face."
I take full responsibility for sleeping on the job. It's just wild to me that the day ended up so "Murphy's Law". It's the first nap I've taken in maybe 10 months and the one person it would have fuck me over with just happened to be the one I got. But I got it disagree with giving him what he wanted. To me, that validates his behavior and lets him know that he can pretty much do that whenever he wants in my shop again. Or others for that matter. And not just for him, but maybe for his buddies too.
Sorry this post went on longer than expected, but what's your guys take on it? Am I the asshole for not living up to those two bullet points? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
hsIgUhTLP4KWpRM4GAkKHXf48P9kAHkn | ar1tj8 | {
"description": "cutting my negative friend out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting my negative friend out of my life | Sorry for the formatting,I am on mobile & TL;DR in the end
Hello guys how are you doing. I am a 17 years old guy and I've known this also 17 years old guy for about 2 years now. He transferred to the school I was in and I was the first person to talk to him.
I started hanging out with him the first friday of last year's school year. We hung out we had fun and we'd hang out pretty much every Friday.
He has depression but he never likes talking about it. I've offered help numerous times or if he wanted to talk to anyone I am always here.
He was good until this year started when he started smoking and was way too negative, it started effecting me and how I view things in life. I've started getting mad over literally anything which I was no-way near before. He'd always say negative stuff all the time about himself,other people and things in general.
So today I sent him a message saying this
"Hey (insert name) How are you I hope you're doing well.
I am here to talk to you about the negative energy surrounding you and how it affected my personal life. I decided that we can't hang out anymore for the fact that I've started thinking about smoking & for the fact that I am never happy with whatever happens to me which affected my relationship with my family & Loved ones. I want you to know that I am still here for you and if you want to talk about it then I am still here. If you ever feel like changing your way of how you see life then I am more than happy to help it's just I can't take that much negative energy on a daily basis. You have my social medias you have my number and I am always here for you. Best of luck"
I checked a few hours ago and he blocked me on every social media account. And I am almost positive that he blocked my number. Which made me feel bad about myself.
TL;DR I cut my best friend of my life because he's way too negative but still offered to help him . Then he blocked me on every social media account.
Sorry for any grammatical error I am not a fluent and if you see any please mention it and I'll edit it ASAP ty. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
49v1TwdrKLWoj6CX6cLNBsNNRYGxMyrM | 9tyuam | {
"description": "asking for some sleep",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking for some sleep? | My next door neighbor has a Jack Russell terrible that likes to bark at everything. I don't mind for the most part except when it's late. This little spawn of satan will go outside at all hours of the night and bark like crazy. He has a dog door that is right next to my bedroom and he'll sit there and go bonkers. I finally got tired of all the nights of getting woken up by this little asshole. I went over and very politely asked for the dog to be kept in the house during the night. The owner half way agreed to try and keep the dog quiet at night. At the same time though made me seem like I was the asshole for asking. I made him aware that our home owners association has quite hours and a rule for nuisance dogs. If I really wanted to be an asshole I could report them to the HOA. Am I the asshole for wanting a full nights rest? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
pNUmWhYBualo765zgg20XITkBEXyjP0a | aoo6d2 | {
"description": "being upset about the amount of cleaning and work I do in my flat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset about the amount of cleaning and work I do in my flat. | Ok, let me start by saying I haven't actually acted on this yet, but i have kind of been stewing over it.
​
A few months ago my friend and I moved into a flat, and got in 2 other people. I really enjoy living with them (aside from this one element), we are similar minded, get on really well, and generally have a great sense of community in the house. This is the first time I've been on the lease of a property. I do have a big sense of pride in our home and feel like its our place. Its not just a room in a building, it's our home. I haven't felt like that since I left Mums ten years ago. I am responsible for running the flat bank account, internet, power, dealing with the landlords. I've been doing the lawns too and organizing all of that.
​
Essentially it appears i have a higher standard of cleanliness than my flatmates. Ive tried to bring up chores but its sort of been falling on deaf ears. Im working as hard as i can to keep the place clean but everyones leaving dirty dishes in the kitchen and im constantly cleaning up. Ive been doing about 80% of the house work.
​
The reason im mentioning this here, is im not actually sure if I have the right to be upset as its me that have this sense of pride in the house and I get that not everyone else does. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VI1Jv1skDYr23BpegegFTHUJ4cBuoyke | aphx7y | {
"description": "not being considerate of the concern of other discord server members",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not being considerate of the concern of other discord server members? | So about a month ago I was banned from my favorite Discord server, and the reason for the ban took me by surprise. I had often been using this server as a way to vent or to ask for advice (there were channels both, which I used), often discussing sensitive topics in my life such as self harm.
One day, I brought up the fact that I had talked with my therapist about self harm, because this was a difficult thing for me to do and I was proud of myself for doing it. I mentioned that my therapist did not treat it like it was a big deal and did not tell my parents, and several people were concerned and said that my therapist is not doing her job. I went on to say that I myself do not see my self harm as a big deal, and believe that it was something I have under control. They told me that any self harm is a big deal, and I should go to the hospital and get help. I hadn’t even self harmed in weeks. The argument went on, i continued to be stubborn and say that I’m fine. I truly do believe that I was fine. I still do. I’ve never been better actually. On the other hand, they argued that I needed a new therapist, and that i was not fine, and that i needed to seek help.
The argument sort of fizzled out, and about 15 minutes later I received this message from one of the server admins:
>so it's been decided that you'll be banned. you come here and abuse this community by being a help vampire. you go on and on about your self-harm, but whenever anybody offers you help, you make excuses for why you can't do anything, and you deny that anything's wrong. it's hurtful and emotionally draining on the people who try to help you. this is not okay. we hope that you get help, but the mods have to take into consideration the wellbeing of the people you're hurting, some of whom are also vulnerable and in bad places.
Well shit. I have been beating myself up about this for a while, and I still can’t believe how oblivious I was to how this might hurt other people. I guess I didn’t think that they would actually care about me enough. So, am I the asshole for not being considerate of their emotions?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NzfB2bpWWH5SkdglBx3ApxVT8WrHSZQD | a5po6e | {
"description": "not wanting my roommates girlfriend baking",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting my roommates girlfriend baking | So me and my roommate have been pretty good friends but as happens in these situations there have been some difficulties but for the first year things have actually gone pretty well until recently. I'll call my roommate Arthur and his girlfriend Mary.
One other thing I should mention is we live in a house that I'm in the upstairs and hes downstairs, this was his decision as the downstairs has a bit more storage and higher ceilings to fit his television.
Recently he started dating Mary who i feel has been trying to slowly push her way in. I would actually be okay with her moving in, with the condition that this would mean I could move out and she would take over the rent, which may be a bit expensive for Mary but that's not really any of my business.
I also have a GF I have been dating the entire time we have lived together. She stays over one weekend night a week and visits for about 2 hours from 6 to 8 most weeknights. Since Arthur has started dating Mary she is typically over when I get home from work until my roommate leaves for work in the morning.
On one occasion when she was staying over for the third night consecutively, I texted my roommate that if she was going to move in I would start looking for a new place. He did apologize, said she was over too often and that there had been special circumstances in this case. This would not be a normal thing was what I was assured. For about 2 weeks this was true, Mary only stayed over once or twice and when she was over there was definatemt a reduction in volume so I thought things were on the right track.
This pattern of her staying over consistently has begun again though with her being over 4 of the last 5 nights to sleep.
There are two living room areas outside of the bedrooms. His is downstairs. My television is in the upstairs living room which has no separation between it and the kitchen.
With just Arthur this was never an issue as he generally kept to his own stuff, wouldnt be making excessive noise and usually completed whatever he was doing in an hour at most.
Mary however loves to bake, and does have a kitchen available at the place that she rents. Usually I'd just go to my room and watch some videos on my phone but I had a hockey game on in the evening that I had no way to record, when I came home I didn't even have the time to finish serving the pizza I'd picked up for my GF and myself on the way home for work before they were climbing over me to get to the stove. They had also been home for at least an hour and a half before this.
Arthur notices that I give Mary a look when I have to carry my pizza around her to the plates I had just set on the counter, that she decided to stand between myself and the box. Arthur asks if I have a problem with them being upstairs and I awnser that I dont mind having him upstairs, but that his girlfriend doesn't need to be baking him cookies here, she could do that at her house and bring them here. She stormed off downstairs and my roommate proceeded to be upstairs until midnight making his cookies (from 6:30 PM).
I just dont feel comfortable.coming home from work and having them in my space. It also bothers me how long their sessions upstairs seem to be. Generally when they bake it takes between 6-8 hours until I can be sure that a stranger isn't going to be in my living area. I probably would not have said anything if not asked but now I feel like I need to set some boundaries and I'm wondering if people would think these rules are too strong.
These rules would also apply to my girlfriend as well as his.
1. 2 Overnights per 7 days (I was thinking 3 but I feel like any leeway I give them they will take advantage of)
2. Guests should ask permission before parking in driveway. (Takes my spot every night I come home and makes a big stink when I get her to move).
3. 24 Hour notice if guests are going to be in the other person's living space
4. Guests may not use kitchen or laundry appliances
5. Guests should only arrive when invited ( Mary likes to show up and bang on the door at night to wake her boyfriend up to let her in, it doesn't bug me as I usually stay up later but its knocked some of my valuables off shelves). If they arrive unannounced they should contact the resident by phone instead of body checking the house
6. Guests should clean up any messes they leave in the house. ( I dont mind if my roommate leaves stuff in the sink for a day or two, I'll usually even clean it as that's usually easy as putting it into the dishwasher after emptying, but I'm not cleaning up after her baking and he doesn't either)
Are these fair rules or AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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YvztLkq1DFmQCTGtEamjxVdoRcMyckS4 | 9xehc2 | {
"description": "starting seeing my Ex-friends Exgirlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I started seeing my Ex-friends Exgirlfriend? | to add context:
I met my friend when he was an editor at my internship. We both lived in salt lake city, but were from Oregon. We were friends, his GF moves to SLC and we all hangout a couple times, then she ended up moving back to Portland and he stayed, then moved back there too. They were together, but broke up about a year a half ago.
I moved to Seattle in April, 2017. I tried to meet up with my friend but he would always blow me off. I go to down to Portland often and after about 4-5 times of him either ignoring me, or standing me up, i gave up.
Him and his Girlfriend broke up shortly after they were both back in Portland. She was visiting Seattle and we matched on tinder, but never got together, but exchanged numbers. We snap and text but that about it. She's been getting more and more flirty and we have tentative plans for when she comes up to Seattle in mid-December. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aebokoHsAt158suydTUOScx1jdZyDmnF | aqpabv | {
"description": "mentioning my divorce at my brother's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for mentioning my divorce at my brother's wedding? | My brother got married last weekend, about 2 weeks after my partner first dropped the divorce bomb on me. I held out hope but it became clear right before I left for the wedding that reconciliation wasn't going to happen. I still went to the wedding, but was obviously upset.
I had been working and didn't have a chance to see or talk to my family prior to the rehearsal dinner. When I got there, my parents asked me where my partner was, so I had to tell them that we were facing divorce. A lot of my family comforted me and let me talk it out, but my brother was busy with his fiancé and wedding things.
The wedding itself was obviously emotional for someone in my position and I cried a few times. My parents and some family took some time to comfort me, but it wasn't like they spent the whole day glued to my side.
The day after the wedding we were having lunch at my mom's house and my brother told me that he thought it was rude that I didn't keep the divorce to myself until after the wedding. He accused me of taking all the attention away from him and his new wife. I told him he was being an insensitive jerk who clearly doesn't value family. He told me if I wasn't trying to seek attention, I would've told my parents to stop comforting me and go back to the wedding. I'm upset that he questioned my emotions like that, as if I am not genuinely upset about my situation. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
4dE3tjGBIu7NHaa4Vt4hypc3n2KNr6Ti | b7oeno | null | AITA for what happened on this night out? | This happened a while back, but we always bring it up and it always ends with people thinking different things for different reasons.
​
I'd just come out of a relationship and was down the local pub with a friend, he was treating me for a night out to get my mind off it, anyway two 21 year old's in a pub is obviously going to get messy with drink which is exactly what happened, there was this woman who my friend really liked the look of, so I was doing the 'wingman' thing and talking to her friend and her friends husband to let my friend get to know the lass he wanted to better.
​
After about ten minutes he taps me on the shoulder and does the universal signal for drink, so he went up and started queuing, now this is when it gets to the conclusion.
​
The woman he was talking to asked me if I wanted this drink she had that she didn't want, now I know there's all the safety posters about not drinking something you don't know about, but it was a free JD and Coke, so I had it, and we all started talking. Her friend and the husband went to the bar for their drinks then, so it was just me and the woman my friend was talking to, and before I knew it she was all over me, literally just on me. Then I heard my mate say something unflattering towards me to say the least.
​
Last orders came and we never saw the two woman and the bloke again after that, but it's a common point people bring up whenever we go on a night out or have a few drinks at some point.
​
So basically, am I the asshole in this story or am I free of blame? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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djcZWo0OFclWwx6E4pETV2d4KwKj7xVf | b8nxe0 | {
"description": "refusing to get over this",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to get over this? | Important history: G & L sorta dated. L is like a brother to me. G is a friend in the friend group that broke L's heart. Please, ask for more information on that if you want it, otherwise assume it was a fuckery. (There's much more history in general, but character limits are a bitch, so).
I started organizing this group event (coinciding with my birthday in November) in like July. I get numbers so I can plan ahead. G and L are both meant to be there originally. So G texts me to tell me (not ask) that she's bringing new man to the event. I ask her if she thinks it'll be weird for L and she says it'll be fine and she'll text him (at this point, L has requested she not reach out to him until he's ready). The long and short is that L tries to compromise, and G eventually decides if she can't bring her new man to the event, then she's not going to come.
Other things G has done since this: brings up her sex life at any possible moment, in great detail. Never asks anyone how their life is going, only chooses to complain to us about her shit. Stopped showing up to our final semester of lectures (and basically said she was doing so because she was too busy having sex) and proceeded to fail exams accordingly and then whined about having to retake them. (It should also be noted that throughout all of this, G has also remained friends with someone that was INCREDIBLY unkind to me and her supposed best friend, so I've already felt like she doesn't know how to do friendship). She also got into an argument with myself and our other friend (both LGBTQ+) about how she thinks there's a right and wrong way to do gay pride.
Most recently, she reduced our mutual best friend to tears by berating her via text about how it was unfair for her to be left out of a group present (an inadvertent group present) and that she knew how alienated G felt by our group (self imposed, from how little she showed up to things) and that our friend was basically a horrible person for making her feel bad when she has exams coming up (the second shot at them, due to her having failed, due to her not having shown up to our last semester, or really having studied at all). They've basically not spoken since, despite having been best friends up until this point.
Now, whenever G sees me, she's big on affection and asking how I am and how my life is. I presume that it's because she's limited her friends because of alienating people with her behavior and she thinks we have something in common with our career choices? AITA for not really wanting to associate with her much? She's disrespected me, my house, my best friend, proven that she's willing to stay friends with people that literally reduced me to tears with what they said, shows poor judgment and generally just drains my goddamn energy any time that I have to deal with her?
TLDR: my friend has a history of shitty behavior, AITA for wanting to keep her at arm's length? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nxb4fSSFTcpMsBNX5Ro9ZD5vKpNOd5uu | b4tcti | {
"description": "starting to be less quiet",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I started to be less quiet? | Okay this is post will require some backstory to begin with. I live in a small house but me and my dad manage. However due to his work and sleep patterns he wakes up around 4am and goes to sleep around 9pm. Unfortunately, I usually start homework and other things around 8pm due to extracurriculars and end around midnight. Now here is where things get iffy. My dad is a super light sleeper and so am I. So whenever I’m up late at night let’s say in the kitchen I try super hard to be as quiet as I can to preserve my dads sleep. Now when my dad is up in the morning he’s pretty loud making coffee and such. I’ve asked him so many times to please try and be a little less loud but he doesn’t seem to be trying. I’ve tried to use earplugs when I’m sleeping but those don’t work very well. WIBTA if I just stopped being super quiet at night if he isn’t quiet in the morning? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
FIe9gNkkwYlak72wir3RZz5M0Z4vtAzt | b92cve | {
"description": "ditching my friends for others",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for ditching my friends for others? | Okay, let me preface by saying i am a high school senior with Autism. Everyone in this story is aware of that fact.
Now, for the last few years I have had a large group of friends - about 5 of us. But in the last year, the group has gotten a lot bigger. To around the 11/12 person mark. Which in itself has bothered me due to there being too many people. With this, there has also been an increase in noise, to a level that for me isnt manageable.
Because of this, I starting spending time with other people, a group of Junior girls who are much quieter and as such i feel more comfortable around. As well as this, these people are a lot less into drugs and alcohol - substances I am totally against (although i don't judge people for alcohol consumption)
The group of Juniors started pointing out how poorly I was being treated by my Senior friends, as stated they were quite rowdy and that meant I was jumped on a lot and thrown about - which given my condition meant that i sometimes went into overload or had to leave the situation.
As such, I began spending next to no time with the seniors, they, having noticed, started to get more agitated with me. Over recent months I have constantly been pelted with food and with wooden cutlery and lots of snide comments have been made towards me and to my Junior friends. To the point where one has become really upset and another has said that they wish they had never befriended me.
I have recently realised that the Seniors have been doing this because they want me back in their group which has made me feel quite shit.
So, AITA for ditching the Seniors for Juniors? AITA for putting the Juniors in a situation where they are getting insulted and having things thrown at them?
Tldr; I ditched my friends for another group who i was more comfortable around, I was getting abuse but now I know it was because they wanted me back
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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efDmTQ9jH89ljQnOBYGYga7Oc2fWb22s | a0uhxv | {
"description": "parking near my neighbors house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For parking near my neighbors house? | I live in the UK on a new build estate, these are notorious for not giving enough parking space and as such I have a single driveway and a garage that's both near impossible to reverse into, and currently a home gym....
When I have my partner to visit, usually 1 day a week, she would park outside the lamppost near my neighbors house
Its the closest safe parking spot near my house
its not directly outside their house but rather slightly to the side so its not blocking their view
It is on part of the path between their driveway and their front door
Its not blocking the path
See the attached drawing for an overhead view.
https://imgur.com/a/uOtqBHB
My partner was parking there but the owner of the house asked her to park elsewhere. I would park there so my partner can park in my driving space.
What do you think? am I in the wrong? is it my own fault for buying a house with only 1 driveway space? should I start parking on the road so my partner can park in my driving space and tell the owner "no" if they ask me to move? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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p8NpNPiGrqEB409Z6F3VKmqmeP96YbO0 | aijamy | {
"description": "shit talking a toxic \"friend\" and not comforting her when she has a problem",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for shit talking a toxic "friend" and not comforting her when she has a problem? | Me and this person have been "friends" for a while now. She has the hint that my real friends and I don't actually like her. She is extremely toxic, she lies for no reason, puts people down to make herself feel better, only talks about herself, invalidates peoples problems by claiming she had it worse. She tells people others' secrets and spreads false rumors about people who have done nothing to her. She tried to make one of my real friends dislike another one of my real friends by making up a story (it didn't work). She lies for pity and seeks attention. She uses people for her own benefit. I wont clarify what they are, but she's lied about very serious topics before. She makes an effort to humiliate people in public.She'll go on and on for hours about her problems but when you tell her about yours, she'll make excuses to end the conversation or turn it back on her.
​
Me and my friends were talking about how much we disliked her and how toxic she was earlier. We even made a nickname and all so we could talk about her in public. The thing is, my friends and I talked about her toxicity for a long time. (She is toxic to my friends as well)
When she had a problem and was trying to rant to us (my real friends and I) about it, (to gain pity as usual) all i said was "Aw that sucks" and bland things like that, then I looked at memes and didn't actually comfort her. She doesn't say hi to me or my real friends in the hallway anymore because we didn't make an effort to comfort her when she was going through something.
​
TLDR: My friends and i dissed a toxic and manipulative person behind her back, and didn't comfort her when she was looking for sympathy.
AITA?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
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f28yK5562mbIhu3zoPiq8sZJHFQnotUO | asad7x | {
"description": "not letting my cousin's 2 small children come around and play with my dogs",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my cousin's 2 small children come around and play with my dogs? | Long time lurker, first-time poster here. Also, English isn't my first language, so bear with me.
I'm a university student, I am currently making my second and third degree at the same time, so next to work I have little to no free time. I'm living next to my parents, in my own house, and they are professional dog breeders, so we are having puppies a few times a year.
I have a cousin, he is 6 years older than me (I'm 23) and we never really got along. Since we were small, he always insulted me at family gatherings, that he has better clothes, grades. In my early teens I decided to become an actor (musical), so each and every time he told me, that I am an idiot, but he's generous and will give me some change, when I will be begging on the street later on in my life. I'm now working as an actor btw. He learned to be a pilot but stopped before the final exam and became an engineer. This resulted in a huge fall out with that side of the family. He has never contacted me during those years, but he got married and got 2 children as well. Now we are currently having a litter and he contacted me (not even my parents) if they could come around. My grandma would really like us to have a good relationship but he has been always an asshole to me. Even my father said that I should host a party then, but I am really not interested in him. Would I be the asshole if I just told him no and blocked him? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
eSiTlEM5OwRa1g6zmbpkZPW11UNc2o2P | a12l44 | {
"description": "being mean and viciously shit-talk people on the internet, but textually abusing everyone, whereas on reddit being common place for people to only be shitty assholes to the 'unpopular' people",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA I am mean and viciously shit-talk people on the internet, but I textually abuse everyone, whereas on reddit it is common place for people to only be shitty assholes to the 'unpopular' people | I think i'm the better person because i'm mean to everyone, where on reddit people will only be mean to the 'safe' targets that can be disrespected 'politically correctly', meaning basically white people, usually poor and uneducated white people, conservatives, and other sorts of commonplace people whereas it is much less accepted for people of color to be treated with that same degree of disrespect. I am mean to everyone, rich or poor, white or black, happy or depressed, i will textually abuse you to no end, despite anything, because i'm an asshole, but i'm an equal opportunity asshole, so i think i'm more of a decent person than usual redditors who will only talk relentless remorseless shit about people who their group deems should be demonized, and then be all pissy and defensive if anyone talks shit about their group or people they defend.
I preach saying I should have the right to beat other people's children in public. I preach telling people we should kill all of the kids with cancer and old people to save money on health insurance, I preach saying that when people wanted equal rights for slaves that means the whites should have been enslaved, when women wanted equal rights that means men can no longer vote. I will be mean to everyone and disrespect everyone. Nobody is better than anyone else, they are all the bottom rung of society, so I hate everyone to the degree that a vehement nationalist racist would hate a black man who flew a plane into the world trade center and raped 100 white women on the way. Everyone is that shitty to me, at least I'm an egalitarian though. I'm not that angry, the way I feel about people is like having a retarded child, you just stop giving a fuck and hope the child dies instead of making your life fucking intolerable and painfully retarded just by existing. Of course it can be said I am so viciously pretentious, conceited, and arrogant that I have a God complex and I am consumed by attention seeking narcissism, but on this website that would be like saying that I breathe oxygen. See you in hell. ;) | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
ldNLFWyABQVTyWasdwwAjDQOvxIDBEIM | b5elpz | {
"description": "wanting to visit my best friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to visit my best friends? | I have two best female friends, sisters, that I've known since childhood. Three years ago they moved from California, where I live, to Texas. But nevertheless we've stayed good strong friends over long distance. And ever since they moved we've been talking about meeting up once we have the time and money.
Last year, I got a girlfriend. We've been a good strong couple and for the most part I'm satisfied with the relationship. However, I've told her of my plans to visit my best friends and she absolutely refused to let me go. That was the angriest I'd ever seen her.
That was six months ago and recently I've come across the money and time to make this trip in July and have fortunately got my girlfriend to relent albeit very reluctantly. I've purchased my ticket and will be staying with my female best friends for two weeks.
Although I can't see I've done anything wrong, I just have a nagging in the back of my head. Even tho I've told her. And even tho she's relented. Am I the asshole for wanting to leave my girlfriend and reconnect with a couple of friends for two weeks? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ydMuzF09GSSgVVJb0FxbRcX43h2bBcyC | 9teku4 | {
"description": "punching the shit out of my autistic brother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for punching the shit out of my autistic brother? | I'm 14M, he's 16M and autistic. This took place a few weeks ago. He was having one of his meltdowns this evening (for reasons I don't feel like explaining) but much worse than usual. Now when my brother has meltdowns he usually just screams and flails around a lot. On rare occasions he might try to hurt himself or break stuff but it's really not too bad. For some reason I legitimately do not know he decided to be a cunt to me in particular that day and get all up in my face. I got the fuck out of there as quickly as possible and let my parents handle it.
All was well for about half an hour untill my parents decided that it was time for everyone to go to bed so they took my brother upstairs. All our bedrooms and the bathroom are upstairs so that's where I was. One should also know that it's pretty common in my family for multiple people to use the bathroom at once.
My brother had calmed down a bit so my parents let him wonder around while they got ready for bed. I really had to pee so I decided that this was my chance. I went to the bathroom where my dad was showering and my mum was brushing her teeth so they were both out of action.
When I left the bathroom to return to my room my brother saw me and freaked out again. He was going absolutely ballistic. I got into my room and tried to shut the door on him but failed. He was flailing around like mad, screaming his head off and getting really close to me. He ended up backing me into a wall. I was screaming at my parents to get him off me but they didn't come right away. We started pushing each other. He was still screaming. I just couldn't get him off me so I took a swing at him, right in his face and as hard as I could. That's when my parents finally came and got him out of my room.
I know fully well that he wouldn't hurt me in a billion years. There is zero chance that he would have done me any harm if I had just waited for my parents to come. I was aware of that then too. The thing is that my brother is a full foot taller than me and having him scream at me and flail aroud like a madman while having me up against a wall is quite a terrifying sight. I'm not gonna lie though, the main reason I did it was because I was fucking pissed. I had done nothing to him and he had no right to behave that way. But well, he can't really help it so maybe that's a bad excuse. Still though, I get that he's disabled but that doesn't give him a free pass to come into my room and fucking assault me. I'm honestly kinda toarn here though.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
bzRl85cybpIgF82zTCQelKXq3kHhFtYI | b4ijbp | {
"description": "hiding my romantic interest from a close friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hiding my romantic interest from a close friend? | I had an LDR with someone over 4 years ago now. It was a good relationship, it just fizzled out over time and after just short of a year we broke up. For the most part just me, her and one other (her best friend at the time) kept in contact. They've moved apart and fallen apart. I've also stopped contact with my ex fairly recently (but we'd stayed friends with semi-regular contact until now). Mostly this happened due to some choices my ex made that aren't really relevant to this story. Her friend and I have kept a healthy relationship for 4 years and we've got to become pretty close. For a while now we speak daily, on call as well as video chat and in an almost continuously flowing text conversation (i.e. it doesnt really start/stop we just message each other as and when without the "hello/goodbye" normal conversation starters). This person has always been someone i've liked a lot but never had any romantic notions towards. After my ex and ibroke up, we got closer and i kinda grew to look at her like a younger sister i was close to. We've had nothing but a platonic friends hip the entire time.
​
​
The point is that recently my feelings towards her have started to change (obvious i know). I feel like that "grow to love people over time" thing has happened to me. It's probably been going on for a while and i've only just now noticed it (think slowly boiling frog analogy). We were talking about how we both care too much for people. I realised I care a lot... In fact i care about her more than almost anyone else and as much as my closest family when i started to really think about it. The reason i question my "assholeness" isn't really so much the closeness to my ex or whether i think that makes it wrong for us. It's been a long time and neither of us want to be with the other. The problem mainly comes from the fact that this girl has been a close friend to me and I to her for so long with no romantic undertones whatsoever. As i said she's been like a little sister to me. I know she isn't my sister but it's a weird and kind of uncomfortable realisation that i'm actually attracted to her.
​
​
I don't think by telling her this it will change very much... I'm not sure i'm ready to be in a relationship or if she is. And even if she was I don't think she's attracted to me in the same way. Personally i think she can do better anyway regardless of how much i care for her. I feel uncomfortable hiding my emotions from her, it's not something i really do. I tend to be honest to the point of being rude, personally I wish that's how everyone worked. It feels like a deception and feels wrong to not disclose my feelings.
​
​
Finding it hard to stay within the word count. I feel like there are more reasons I should be honest with her and more i want to say but i suck at being concise so **TL;DR** = AITA for lying/hiding my emotions for fear of ruining the friendship? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vKPDj9L5Ryiznu1X6d7OxwST4q5cPdO1 | b3b59h | {
"description": "hating my mother",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for hating my mother? | So the story is that I grow up living together with my mother and my grandmother. My father killed himself just before my birth and because of that, I have never had any fatherly figure in my life. My grandmother was a very heavy person, she had terrible anger management issues and was everything opposite of a good grandparent. My mum never left her because for god knows what reason she felt the need to stay with her. Anyway, the biggest problem was not her but my mother. Of course, she also got a short temper but it was more developed into a manipulation. Also, she did drink a lot. And every single time she would go drinking I would need to go with her because when she's drunk she would just lay on the cold ass ground, even in freezing winter, and would refuse to move. I was a child and the scariest thing for me was to lose or her being sick so I would try to make her get up and get home safe. And for that, I would get beaten a lot. I could not say the word. If I would I would get beaten more or threatened to be given up for adoption. When she would be sober she would act like nothing ever happened. She would manipulate me a lot if I would say something that she did not want to hear, blaming me that I wanted her dead and stuff.
When I was 19 I moved to another city, and at 21 I moved to a different country. I could never stay near her. Now I am 25.
The older I get the more I struggle with severe depression and anxiety, and more I think that it was her fault. I was not supposed to take care of her drunk ass, I was a child, she was supposed to do that. And she still tries to manipulate me if I don't talk with her (she texts me at least 3-4 times per week) or that I am not visiting her enough. All these things I do just because she is still my mother but I can't talk with her about anything, she has no idea in what kind of life holes I've been into. She is a stranger to me. I know one day I am going completely cut all the connections with her.
My boyfriend thinks I should not do that, even if he knows my reasoning.
What do you guys think? Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
F28AD1CEP7UUxYkYtORuBkp5PGzWXdbz | ag53yz | {
"description": "not wanting to visit my brother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to visit my brother? | A bit of backstory: my brother is in the military and recently got married to a girl without telling my family. Last time I saw him in person was last spring and it ended in a huge argument between the two of us due to him flaking on plans he’d made with my mom. Long story short, we don’t get along and I don’t like his wife either.
But now my grandfather wants to fly my other sibling, my mother and I down to visit my brother and his wife for a week, making a trip to Disney with them as well. I don’t like my brother and I don’t like Disney. And this trip is meant to be over spring break which would be a huge money loss for me since I work in a restaurant in a beach tourist town. I get that my grandfather is trying to maintain family relations and wants to see my brother, but I have zero interest in seeing them at all. But of course my family is all telling me I need to go for the sake of family.
AITA for not wanting to take a week to visit my brother? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZOvMZzSfxLcgdslO5m1bcx0Vn6fNEc7y | b8z463 | {
"description": "procuring recreational drugs for my blind friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for procuring recreational drugs for my blind friend | This happened a few years back but whenever I think about it I feel guilty.
I was in a rock ensemble in college where the singer was a blind girl (19f at time). Her and I (26m at time) became pretty friendly over the semester despite our age difference. One day after practice we were shooting the shit and she brought up that she wanted to smoke some pot. I was all about it so I got her some and met her at a park not far from her dorm. I gave her the baggie and we toked a little bit. Afterwards I offered to walk with her back to the dorm but she insisted it was out of my way and I shouldn’t, so I just hopped the nearest train home.
But when I saw her a few days later she had a big ol’ bruise on like 2/3s of her face. She wouldn’t tell me when, but she told me she walked into a pole. I’m 90% sure it happened right after our smoke session, but it also could’ve happened while she was stoned on her own at some point I guess.
So reddit.... am I a huge ass hole for not finding some reason to walk her back to the dorm for what could’ve been her first time ever being stoned? (I don’t know if it was her first time, but she was pretty young and naive so it’s likely) Or even just for getting her weed in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1BOpOEdvh8chbtdzForExbt1OrtCezCg | afwt02 | {
"description": "refusing to pay back my ex for a DS she was suppose to buy from me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I refused to pay back my ex for a DS she was suppose to buy from me? | So to get this straight this happened back 2015 going into 2016
After a short relationship for about 6 months, me and my ex decided it was best we stay close friends. It was working well for a while we even decided to try and work together to make a little visual novel (I'd write, she drew and a few of her friends would help) during Christmas she knew I'd collect video game consoles fix them up and sell them to friends if they wanted one. I was willing to give her a 2DS o recently finished fixing after a dent in the screen. This was over a skype call so it was never written down. She was willing to pay 50 for it cause she was my ex and I knew she was tight on cash at the time(it would have been a net lose if I did that but I'm generally too nice for my own good sometimes)
She need one for one of her nephews cause she wasnt able to get them anything for Christmas.
So when I went over to give it to her and get the, money a week later, she back tracked and assumed I was giving her it as a gift. I told it wasnt and that she would need to get me the money at this point I didnt give her a date of when to get the money just telling her i needed the money. She agree and I left. After a while of thinking I of how nice I was being with her and thought I was being too nice so I decided to call her. I told her I wanted the money before June 1st so I'd have to take back the DS. I think this pissed her off cause when she agreed to it she said I'd have to pay her back for the 10$ game she just put on it so her nephew could play it. I explained to her that wasnt going to happen and after little bit of back and forth we stopped and just hung up.
A few hours later, in the skype chat where were in together to help keep track of who was helping us with the visual novel, I see a message from her saying I was being an asshole and before I could even respond she kicked me from the group. I messaged anyone who in the group privately and they sided with her. After that I went to one of my close friends at the time and told him what happened. Apparently he talked to her too and Sided with her. He was calling me names and shitting on me while I stood there and took the insult (by the way there were times I help this man go through tough times when he was low and he showered me with unasked for gifts) a lot saying how I wasnt a friend to him. That was the last I spoke to him that day.
After a while I was sulking from how many people I knew calling me an asshole that I believed it. I lost contact with some good people and lost all the progress I made in the visual novel ask she took over all the documents I had given out. But I had other friends to lean on and they got me through it. But it's been bugging be since then If I was being an complete asshole that day. Cause I mean if so many people say I'm an asshole then it must be true. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jsyPa8SFXZkFJMxqP6hzbTV30Rht3Icb | b2mzhn | {
"description": "quitting my job with \"no notice\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for quitting my job with "no notice" | My parents are in the middle of a divorce because of some serious illegal activities performed by my dad. We found out in October.
I have been working as a contractor for the company my dad works for. Dad is going through legal things right now but it was a good part-time position so I kept working there. For the last month I've been spiralling into a depression and he knows that. So about 3 weeks ago I told him that they needed to find someone to replace me because I'm going to be done working for them. I needed space from him because I'm only allowed to talk to him about work and it was getting stressful. (Something to do with his therapy process)
In all honesty I was going to stop working for them around last week but then he said he found someone to hire and I didn't mind being the one to train new guy since I know I'm the only one that knows what I do.
Dad said right away so I waited. And waited. I confronted him this morning about it and he said that he wouldn't start for 2 weeks and that they expected me to stay till new guy starts. I told him that I'm not comfortable with that and that I'm going to be done working for them as of now.
For him that meant that I don't have contact anymore (personal because of above issues). And that I didn't give him a timely notice.
I think he is frustrated because he won't be allowed to talk to me anymore after this and he thinks I hate him (not true, I am disappointed). I don't think he actually cares about the job.
I feel like asking him 3 weeks ago to replace me was plenty notice. So AITA?
Side note: I don't want to talk about the divorce. Or why they're getting a divorce. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
oQgZNRV6v0b5zqEg8imVimOkbzZfIv0w | 9yvkl2 | {
"description": "believing in positive discrimination",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA I believe in positive discrimination | In the UK there's a political party named "The Green" Party. In their manifesto they state that it should be legal for a minimum of 40% of executives/ board members in companies to be women. I see this as a good thing because of the low number right now, but I couldn't justify it if it was, say, ~35%.
I don't agree with companies doing this for image reasons but I don't think it's a bad thing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1FlrGZOtKIONRzWGlDnLIbqCY3ey5aOO | b4a3vv | {
"description": "asking a girl to stop eating in class",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking a girl to stop eating in class? | In class today the usual late bird came in with very smelly soup, a big matcha frappucino, and a bag of croutons. She sat right beside me and started loudly slurping her soup. Now, I don't like soup. To me it kind of looks like barf. And this soup was very pungent. It smelled like fish chowder but was also very tomatoey. She also started slurping her drink very loudly and started eating her croutons very loudly. At one point she started dumping them in her mouth from the bag.
I tried to ignore her but then she started leaning closer to me and was looking at what I was doing on my laptop. I should mention that I have sensory issues and was already getting overwhelmed by the smell of the soup. Her chewing in my ear just tipped me over the edge.
I turned to her and asked, in an admittedly more aggressive tone than I meant to "can you please stop doing that? It's really distracting."
I really didn't expect her to look so hurt. Like, she was acting as if I had just called her fat or something. She put the lid back on her soup and I saw her lip quiver a little. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this all day and I feel so bad. So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6yg0hQMNIkcwBLStAALckwS4K9Yg5UqB | aybb85 | {
"description": "wanting to adopt my niece",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to adopt my niece? | My brother lost custody of his two children and his ex lost custody of the other two as well. So my mom is raising four children, only two of which actually are biologically related to us. My mother lives in the projects, can barely pay her bills, and is mentally and physically abusive to these children on occasion. I spoke with DCS and they said, “Hitting a child in the face doesn’t necessarily constitute abuse.” So there’s that. However, my brother who has been six years sober is attempting to regain custody of his two. He isn’t necessarily able to get the youngest two as they aren’t biologically his. My youngest niece is seven. Again she’s not biologically mine but she’s been my niece since she was born. She lived with me when she came home from the hospital along with her mother. Anyway, she told me recently multiple times that she wanted to live with me because her sister (11) beats her up all the time and tells her she’s unwanted. My sweet seven year old niece told me that’s terrified that her biological dad (an abusive sex offender) will come steal her away because that’s what her sister tells her. And that her real mom and dad don’t love her and that’s why they don’t see her, all because my biological niece tells her this.
I asked my mother if I could adopt her. I live in a different state. I’m in the military and I have two children on my own. My reasons were to get her away from her abusive sister and my abusive mother, to offer her a home with a mother and a father in it, and to give her something that she doesn’t think was given out of obligation, something that nobody can ever take away.
My mother screamed and cussed me when we talked about this. “How dare you try to take her Way from me.” The evidence for how much better quality of life can b me for a child with a mother and a father is staggering, but my mother wouldn’t hear anything.
tl;dr - I want to adopt my niece because my mother is a crazy person. She said I’m an asshole for suggesting it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wcZxbrm9OUBqheMun4xg7BpRhPhbLUXD | ao01n0 | {
"description": "choosing to zone out on my phone when my SO hangs with their friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for choosing to zone out on my phone when my SO hangs with their friends? (context in comments) | So my SO works in the non profit political world, as do all of their friends. Everytime we all hang out, I try to be outgoing and find mutual things to discuss, but it always reverts back to talking shop -- aka political stuff. If we're out at a bar or something, I might key into my phone and find something to keep my mind busy and have a quick laugh, but apparently im being disrespectful by not paying attention. I've tried paying attention for two years now, i dont have much to interject with or add when it comes to them talking about their work. Ask me about engineering or my random passions, and i can go on for however you like. its harder than it sounds to just try to hop in and steer the conversation back to something we all can contribute to. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
puwez6KIuFFrZMcH3e9UWWQGFt5cNMMV | b4sa9p | {
"description": "cancelling long-term plans with my ex last minute",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for cancelling long-term plans with my ex last minute? | I (30M) made dinner plans with my ex wife (31F). She was going to be visiting the town I live in so I figured why not catch up if I had the time.
The day of the plans, my current gf (29F) starts to express her concern about how I’m choosing to spend time with someone who wasn’t very nice to me when I haven’t been paying that much attention to her. (It’s not the first time she’s brought up feeling unimportant and unappreciated. And my ex wife was a biiiiitch when we were together.)
My gf said she was uncomfortable and went to bed. I left to meet up with my ex, but on the drive, I started to feel like I had made a mistake. Like I was ignoring the pleas of my gf for intimacy and connection.
(Icing on the cake: I got a call from work saying they needed me. So I felt doubly like I should skip dinner plans.)
So I cancelled. I went home, had dinner with my girl, worked for a bit.
Now my ex wife is angry because we had those plans for a while and she was “really looking forward to it.” She feels like she came all this way for me only for me to flake.
But we are not very close friends. She wasn’t great in the past. I don’t know what I even gain from seeing her and I love my current gf more than anything.
Still. Cancelling last minute seems shitty too. AITA, Reddit?
TLDR - I cancelled long-term plans with my ex last minute to hang out with my current gf when she seemed uncomfortable. Now ex is upset. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
2ckHBdhhq4pTXJZqK8jr7QZnHkrbHD0K | af9sdo | {
"description": "being a picky eater",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being a picky eater? | So right now I'm about to finish my second semester of community college, and over the course of this semester, I've gotten so picky to the point where the only real dinner that I will eat that's not fast food or pizza is either red meat and poultry, and my parents have increasingly tried to push new foods on me more than once. I've become notorious not only my family but my friend group as well for my picky selection. I don't eat vegetables whatsoever and the same goes with fruits, and this New Years Eve was when I decided to eat a grape in line with our Spanish culture. I've never had a grape before, and when I had it, it tasted awful, and I started gagging. Naturally, my parents did not react to this very well, and this has been the case for every fruit and vegetable that was introduced to me. Bananas, strawberries, cherries, apples, all of which I've never finished or just spit out at the first bite. They've made full dinners before like meatballs with small chopped up carrots, or soup with some carrots in them, and they were absolutely terrible. I've tried to eat vegetables before on small occasions, only to seriously regret it later on. They've tried to introduce new stuff and prepare new dishes but my daily diet has slimmed down so much, my dinner is just rice and chicken or specifically a skirt steak. I've had to put food as leftovers. They're upset at me for not wanting to try new things, and I'm upset at them for pressuring me to try new things. So am I the asshole for not wanting to try new foods? Am I the asshole for being picky with my food, even when I can't stand the taste of it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
sgEVWB35fscoa6lqriaBK2l6G6EL1FAP | ayhm79 | {
"description": "asking for my stuff back from my ex",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking for my stuff back from my ex? | Context:
Gf of three years broke up with me and didnt want to talk about it with me or anything which I guess is ok, I gave her all her stuff back + my christmas present from her (she asked for it back, designer bag). Now its been 2 months and she keeps "forgetting" to give me all my stuff back and gets mad when I ask her about it because she doesnt want contact
TLDR; AITA for contacting my ex who doesnt want to talk to me about my belongings | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
PUShxmaXhZCLr0F5opNswPKFij1y2czl | ahynn8 | {
"description": "telling my daughter that her mother went to jail",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my daughter that her mother went to jail? | So my daughter's mother and I separated about 3 years ago after being together for over 3 years. When we were together she hardly worked or did anything helpful around the house, deciding just to spend what little money she had on beer and cigarettes. We finally separated after she disappeared with my daughter one night drinking while out drinking with her friends while I was working.
Fast forward to earlier this year. I had primary custody because I lived in a better area and paid for everything anyways. The agreement was that my daughter would be with me during the school year and visit her every other weekend and for holidays, then vice versa during the summer. It went fairly ok until the first week her mother was supposed to take her.
Her plan was to visit her parents out of the state for about a week. After a day or 2 I get a frantic call from her parents telling me that my ex was freaking out, breaking stuff in their house and left the house with my daughter and her sister (not mine) and were walking around town with no money and nowhere to go. Now they had a history of drug abuse in their youth but have since cleaned up, so they had an idea of what this behavior looked like. They told me that they had suspected her to be using meth for a long time and this was confirming their belief, seeing this as her going through withdrawals. She eventually showed back up to their house and I talked her into letting me take my daughter for awhile until she calmed down.
I immediately bought plane ticket, flew out to get my daughter, and filed an emergency court order and took full custody. She never appeared to the following court dates so I won custody with no battle. I gave her the chance to visit my daughter during this whole process, which she never did and only called every couple of weeks.
Now, a couple months ago, she was arrested with a couple people for possession of methamphetamine among other things. I told her that she needed to clean up if she wanted to see her daughter, but she has just denied ever even having a drug problem. I tried to smooth things out with my daughter by telling her that her mother was 'sick from taking bd medicine and had to get better before she could take care of her again'. It was the best thing I could come up with without telling her that her mother is a junkie.
Well now her mother is telling her that I'm lying and that she was never sick, etc. My daughter was really confused and told me she didn't know who to believe. As soon as I heard that I knew I had to tell her the truth or risk our relationship. So I told her that her mother got in trouble with the police after using some 'bad medicine' and that she needed to make better decisions before she could take care of her again. Now my daughter is making notes for her mother saying shes sorry shes in jail and is mad at the police for arresting her.
I'm not sure what to do or if I made the right choice in telling her the truth. Her mother already tells me how terrible I am weekly, and it's starting to wear on me a little. Am I an asshole?
TLDR: Daughters mother was using meth but lying to my daughter (5yo) and telling her that I was keeping them apart for no reason so I told my daughter that she was arrested. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VAEvqT93kf9ujrHrZr3XGwYaep32AYCX | b35s8w | {
"description": "telling a guy at work to work on hygiene and stop following me",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I tell a guy at work to work on hygiene and stop following me? | First off I'm a 19 year old male so Im not scared of this guy or anything. I work in fast food. My shift there's a guy a few years younger probably a sophomore or junior in high school. Hes heavyset and is extremely greasy/terrible smelling. Like walk into a room and walk out bad. He for some reason thinks me and him are friends he likes to call himself a strange nickname and demands us call him it too(not like gender identity think rocker aliases) he will follow me around and not really do his job very well.
I feel bad for him because he had has few/no friends. I don't want to cut him out but he needs to learn to get signals and be a little cleaner. Just a list of things he's done to me and my friends.
-demanded us to call him a different name than changed and told us to stop.
- started dancing when one of my friends mentioned fortnite(no clue here)
-strangely followed me outside and asked if I would add him on xbox
-swore at his mom on the phone
-attempts to make puppy eyes for free fast food.
So reddit will I be the assholr if I try to be a little more stern | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9P1vIc7HmHVrs9SvEmmr0grUKVd5iJ7j | a6o4jp | {
"description": "not doing a u-turn on a blocked off road",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not doing a U-Turn on a blocked off road? | Let me just add that I’m not the best driver out there when it comes to etiquette.
I was on my way to my friends house across town to drop off his controller he had left in my car from the last time I dropped him off. I take the usual route and after coming out of the roundabout, I see the road is blocked off by a tow truck. Since there is about two streets between me and the tow truck I decide I’ll just turn on the street before the truck and go around. Easy peasy.
I was wrong
The first road is blocked off from construction leaving me no choice but to go to street two. Before I can reach street 2, someone in a reflective vest comes out and starts waving their little “lightsaber” in a circle-side-to-side maneuver. To me it looked like she wanted me to turn right, and go around which I was already planning on doing.
Before I can get to street two, she starts yelling at me and waving her little light baton wildly. I turn my stereo down and roll he window down, only to get yelled at by this lady. She goes off saying how blind I am and that it’s obvious she was saying turn around. I explain to her what my plan was, since it’s not too close to the tow truck, but she’s having none of it. She refuses to let me, so I just end up turning around and going back home.
Was I wrong to get that close to go around or should I have turned around?
TL;DR: Road blocked off, I want to go around, get told to U-turn instead. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VwrTnckLkmAQ55Co1qzjXBLWnyxi4pkO | a9rvg4 | {
"description": "freaking put at my aunt at my dads funeral",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For freaking put at my aunt at my dads funeral? | This happened in 2016.
Bit of backstory: My mom and Dad had 5 kids together, but my dad wasnt home a lot, she ended up cheating on him and they got divorced. Around 2009
Fast forward to late 2016. I know my dads side of the family didnt like my mom even when my parents were together. But my dad passed in late 2016 right around the holidays, my aunt was one of the people that had never liked my mom and always had a problem with her no matter what, and a day before the funeral my mom had come to the house where all our family was to drop some food off for everyone and talk to us kids to see how we were. She left shortly after not wanting to bother anyone for obvious reasons. After my mom leaves my aunt tells my little sister that only family is allowed at the reception (my little sister was 10 at the time) and she ended up telling my mom that while I was in the car with them, I was furious. About a few hours later I caught her talking shit about my mom again saying that she didnt have the right to be at the (my dads) house at all. At this point I'm already boiling, I just start screaming at her. I say "how dare you have the audacity to say that about my mom, she has every right to he here and she was kind enough to drop off food that you graciously ate, and you also told my little sister that she (my mom) wasnt allowed to be at the reception." She started crying and ran off into the room she was staying in and everyone was making me feel bad for screaming at her so I just left the house for a few hours. I dont really talk to that aunt anymore and its always awkward around the family. AITA?
TL:DR: My mom cheated on my dad, they divorced, aunt was talking bad about my mom the day before the funeral saying that she wasnt allowed to be there and I screamed at her. | HISTORICAL | {
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rvrmgXzezs19kqsrgrHtge0zP85A0i8S | a28vu6 | {
"description": "setting up my gfs friend with my exs roomate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for setting up my GFs friend with my EXs roomate? | WARNING: Long post/story incoming.
okay so first off, for anonymity, im gonna change all the names in this story (not like it matters but still). so to start, i went to college a bit late in life at 24 and im a guy. i was single at the time and i thought i would have a good time in my first year at school. i met a girl (lets call her shelby) and we started seeing things casual, just hanging out and sex (i told her from the beginning i didnt want anything serious at the time). eventually it started getting a bit too serious and we (well me but she didnt disagree) decided to end it. i had also just met a new girl (Megan this time) that i wanted to start hanging out with it and thought it would be sleezy to be sleeping with two girls regularly at once. shelby didnt take it well at first but she understood in time and we were able to remain friends (i generally try to remain friends with all my exes and people ive been with), i also failed to mention megan to her but i figured i wasnt obliged to.
​
Okay now jump forward about four or five months. Megan and I have been dating since basically right after I called it off with Shelby and things have been going great. She wanted to wait to have sex and since I was really into this girl I decided to actually commit and wait for her (instead of bailing to find another casual thing). Shelby and I still talk pretty regularly, I even see her from time to time (she is only 20 so i buy her and her friends booze and we hang out for a few hours whenever i do). Now enter Matt. Matt is Megan's really close guy friend, who i am certain is in love with Megan but it doesnt bother me and I trust them both so we get along pretty well. Matt is trying to get over this girl from the last semester and hasnt been seeing anyone since. I convince him to let me hook him up with someone since I figure its the best for him, and as a bonus maybe itll get him a little less attracted to Megan (win/win). I know the perfect girl; Shelby's roomate. They are both very similair, a little dorky/introverted etc, and i figured they would get along great. I ask Shelby to help me hook it up and they end up going on one date (didnt work out but thats irrelavent). Of course during the date the two of them talk about me and Shelby. Matt had no idea Shelby and I were a thing but I figured either he wouldnt tell Megan (not really any of his business) or even if he did it didnt matter as I broke it off with Shelby before Megan and ive done nothing wrong. Or so I thought. This is the part in the story where Megan loses her actual shit. She blows up on me for not telling her about Shelby and she couldnt believe that I was still talking to her (or any of my exes for that matter). I mean I dont see what the problem is here, I didnt cheat on Megan with Shelby or anyone else, its not like im going to list off every single girl ive ever been with or what girls im texting at the time. Anyways we broke up shortly after and it really got to me at the time but im well over it by now but ive always kinda wondered; Am I Really the Asshole Here?
​
p.s. This all happened a few years back. Thanks for any advice and words of wisdom reddit | HISTORICAL | {
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YqrX9wugKIMZBVjgybpXSU2BVucpuA0X | b54hth | {
"description": "getting my friend something she didn't want even though I owed her money",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For getting my friend something she didn’t want even though I owed her money | So today my friend bought me a Gatorade on a school trip and she told me I had to pay her back. She wanted candy.
So my friend was like “Let’s get her an Almond Joy Because she never specified what she wanted” So I got her the Almond Joy. And when she came back she kind of freaked out ,She was like “this isn’t the food, you scammed me out of my money “
And since I felt bad I got her a cookie
AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
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"NOBODY": 5,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HXR4RyvFI9I50PmG1Srv5LfZOb0EGm51 | b6hg00 | {
"description": "going to a gay club",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | WIBTA if I went to a gay club? | I'm 4 years married to a woman. Everything is fine but I'm curious and worried that I might be bisexual slightly.
I absolutely do not want to hook up or touch a gay man. I'd just like to go and see what it's like inside a gay bar.
We came from a very restricted community and had no contact with homosexality. I recently heard there was a gay community in the local city. I'm so curious to what it's like in there it hurts.
If I was thinking of leaving my wife, I'd like to know what I was up against. I think it would be for her benefit if I checked out the gay club but I think that I might be an asshole for doing that. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
gDEm3qbQBOe9as1onissVTHm8MDCcOSv | arxe2f | {
"description": "not wanting to date or be intimate with my \"bigger\" friend? if she were thinner she'd be my perfect match",
"pronormative_score": 47,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not wanting to date or be intimate with my "bigger" friend? If she were thinner she'd be my perfect match. | Background: I've been friends with this girl "Ramona" since our first week freshman year (1.5 years ago). I think she's an amazing person, she's wickedly smart, she's very funny and I have so much fun with her. Ramona is actually very pretty in the face and she takes very good care of herself considering. The issue she is morbidly obese. I would think she weighs well over 300lbs and she's about 5'5-5'6" so it's even more prounounced because she's average height. She is 23 (I'm 20) and in the time that I've known her I would guess she's gained 50lbs and it really shows in her face. She was on her homecoming court in high school, and while she was "thick" she wore it very well. She claims she started gaining weight after a bad break up her freshman year from stress and the weight just came on.
The issue is I think we've always had a flirty relationship and I just thought it was part of our "friend language." I really enjoy her company and if she were thinner, I can see dating her and even marrying her--we get along that well.
Things went crazy last night to the point where I don't even know if we can be friends anymore. I had a tinder date with another girl that was a disaster. It was the first time I'd been on a date since college. I didn't even tell Ramona about it but word got back to her and she flipped out. She must have texted me 300 times or more calling me every name in the book (including asshole) and she had her friends text me so all in all I got over 1000 texts before I turned my phone off. When I turned it on the morning it basically bricked itself because it couldn't keep up with all the texts waiting for it (iPhone 10x I'm still paying for. Thanks). The general gyst of everything was that I led her on for the last 1.5 years and now I've fat shamed her and essentially cheated on her and that I'm an asshole.
Part of me sees the point and maybe I am fat shaming her for a condition she can't help but part of me feels like of I'm just not attracted to her, than I'm just not. Am an asshole for any of the above?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 47,
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} | RIGHT |
JUp2W8hGrvw6ahjz4WBse8FmYGX4Sxeq | ahhif0 | {
"description": "feeling conflicted about my parents paying off one of my students loans",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for feeling conflicted about my parents paying off one of my students loans | For starters, my parents kicked me out when I was 17. I'm 26 now, just finished putting myself through from a masters program in may 2018
In that time, I've probably had less than a dozen conversations with my parents. They've tried a few times to give me money, but I only accepted it once and afterwards, my mother has tried to use that instance as proof of how magnanimous she is and that i "owe her" a chance etc.
In one of the more recent conversations with my father, he offered my the money they have in their 529 account because it would go unused otherwise. Since I've graduated and moved into a full time position, I've been much less angry with them and after thinking about it for a couple of months, I decided to accept. The 529 had ~1300 or so and the total for this particular loan was ~4200.
When paying with the 529, they cut an additional check and covered the rest of the balance.
On one hand, I'm thankful that I no longer have a portion of my student loans to pay, on the other I'm waiting for them to tell me I owe them and it really upsets me that they did this without asking if it would make me uncomfortable as I've expressed how receiving any help from them anymore isn't something i'm terribly interested in because of my mothers behavior.
So. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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2Bb1Dr9uIg6de7G8j1QQp5zFDSAGcXGz | b8w2n6 | {
"description": "not wanting my roommates baby mama to live with us",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting my roommates baby mama to live with us. | Okay so a bit of background. My partner and I moved into a beautiful three bedroom London apartment about three months ago and two of our friends filled the other rooms.
One of my roommates got a girl pregnant about 8 months ago and very much kept it on the down-low. He didn't want a relationship with this girl, or even with his son. It's a difficult situation but I guess you can't force someone to be a parent if they're not ready. So they lived separate lives.
She became homeless. Kind of intentionally? She left her shared apartment and claiming she had nowhere to go came to live with us. The arrangement was that she would live with us until she got a council house. Obviously in London it's not that straight forward. Her baby is due in 3 days, and her housing interview isn't until the beginning of next month.
I don't want her living with us. I'm a student and I have exams in a month when she has a newborn. And to top if off cherry on the cake I'm also 18 weeks pregnant! I kind of just want to enjoy the next few months without a baby around before mine arrives.
Our other roommate is also leaving in a year and my partner has offered to let her stay in his room and use housing benefits to cover the room cost. I want space in my own home to raise my own baby and I don't want another baby who isn't mine there.
Am I the asshole? I just don't want her here but she literally has nowhere to go. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
wywgAyckXcafgnKmV1m5B2XqOqfVEl0C | aex7pl | null | AITA becuase a christmas gift I ordered for my brother didnt arrive in time for christmas | Ok so long story here, I decided back in November I wanted to buy my brother ( who I rarely talk to or see) a nice desk and chair to aide his gaming habits. In doing so I spent about 125 this meant I didnt spend any money on my mother and father( I brought this to my mothers attention and she loved the idea so everything was cool). My mother didnt really know about the chairs but she picked out a desk that would fit and I found a reasonable chair(this is all on Amazon btw all prime items) So I let my mom know that I would be waiting till December 15th when I would have the available funds, she was fine with this but expressed a little concern about it being so close to holiday. So the 15th arrived and I had to buy a different desk and chair becuase the desk was sold out and the chair on close inspection had some bad reviews. I then decided to spend 50 more on the chair to get a really nice one both where approved by my mom and ordered. So the day of arrival dec18, I get texts from my mom saying she didnt want to wait around all day for this thing and wanted to know when it was coming in I told her Amazon says before 8 she was upset later when it didnt come in saying I need to call and raise hell about this. I have ordered from Amazon a million times and didnt think a call at this point would improve the situation especially since it was the holidays. So I tell it has changed to deliver on the 20th and to be patient, of course she doesnt like this at all so I get upset and reaffirm to be patient. The 20th arrives still no desk, more upset texts asking for the tracking code I give her the code, she finds that it never arrived at the ups shipping and that I was an idoit for not calling becuase she had previously dealt with a private seller on Amazon and she was pretty sure all was needed was a call and that I was stupid for not calling. Now this was not thru a private seller this was Amazon prime there for amazon would deal with any problems since they shipped it. So I'm kinda mad now but mostly at my mother's behavior so I call and end up being told to be patient they couldn't do anything till 6 days days later and was given 5 dollars. I tell my mom to continue to be patient and that I cant do anything about it. She isnt satisfied and brings my dad into the situation on christmas day when it still havnt arrived i am told that i should be very mad (i am but i am being calm since i cant really do anything) and that it's annoying I didnt listen to them and just call originally but I talk to them and once again explain the situation and it seems everyone is finally on the same page. I'm pretty pissed at the situation but I'm okish that my parents finally seemed to understand.. or so I thought. I finally am able to refund the order and i tell them i am refunding the order, then I get a few texts from my father telling my I'm an arrogant prick for doing all this my way instead of listening to them and that I'm a child etc etc it was a few heated texts. At this point I am beyond fed up and I really dont even want to give the refunded money to them but decided to be the bigger person and put the money on a Amazon card and text the info to my brother he thanks me and I get a final texts from my mom saying smh. Am I the asshole?
Tldr ordered desk and chair for my brother shipping was all messed up, parents belittle me about it over christmas week, tell them to be patient , they say to call, figure it wouldnt do any good until it had a few days to try and sort its self out, it doesnt sort out, i call Amazon they cant do anything about it till the day after christmas, parents continue to belittle me, get refund and send the money to my brother , get belittled more by my mother | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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pFLc5F1bt96ovSbGIrRtown4ym2CuUIk | axzhrf | null | WIBTA if I break off a toxic friend? Asking for my girlfriend, she’s scared to post and asked me to instead. | For those have seen my older AITA posts, this is not the same girl.
I have recently started talking to a girl and a mutual friend of ours who I’ll call Combover has expressed his... distaste on the matter. First he went through her phone and saw our messages then instantly started bashing me to her. She made it clear that she didn’t like what he was doing and she didn’t appreciate him telling our other mutual friend. Let’s call her Desert. He said that he could tell whoever he wanted and that he and Desert were her only friends. She pleaded with him not to tell anyone else and he said don’t talk to me.
I said that the “we’re you only friends” line was a huge red flag and she agrees. They have a very short romantic history (about 2 days) and have been friends for between 3-4 years. I told her that she should probably drop him immediately. She says she’s taken his fingerprints out of her phone but doesn’t know how to break him off. Advice is needed, but will she be TA if she breaks it off?
Personally I think she won’t, and I know this’ll probably sound like a shitpost but I can provide censored pics if my gf allows it. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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GAdGgdc2dW8LQTN9UoukECGBYvg1ZtMA | axapng | {
"description": "breaking up with a woman because she told me she has a misdemeanor on her record from 9+ years ago",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 38
} | AITA: I broke up with a woman because she told me she has a misdemeanor on her record from 9+ years ago. | I told my friends about this, and I got mixed reactions. Which is why I’m here wondering I’m the asshole. (Also, using a throwaway because she may know my main account)
These friends said I should forget about it since it happened so long ago and she’s really successful now. That they liked her a lot, thought she was kind and funny, and really enjoyed their time with her. They said that we made a good couple and thought this was something that would last for me. Other friends said they couldn’t date someone who had a misdemeanor on their record and I was justified in breaking up with her.
I was with this girl for about 4 months now, and she recently confided in me that she has a misdemeanor on her record from over 9 years ago. She apparently got a dwi when she was in her early 20s after her birthday dinner with friends. That she blew a .09 and was pulled over for going about 7-8 over the speed limit. She said she didn't have any jail time, it was just hours of community service, and she couldn't drive on the weekends for a year. She told me that it hasn't really affected her life since, that her car insurance was high but manageable for a few years and hasn't been mysteriously rejected from any job since. After she told me this, I told her I needed to think about relationship and ultimately broke up with her a few days after she told me.
I was sad I had to end the relationship, it was going really well until she told me about her past. We had a lot in common, we’re both in STEM fields and she makes good money. (Not that money is super important, but we both enjoyed being able to indulge in small luxuries like fine dining, travel, etc. It was nice to find someone willing to be able to afford these kinds of things with me). We have a lot of the same hobbies (cycling, running, sketching, video games). We even recently signed up for a biathlon happening later in the Spring and we both started training for it over the past 2 weeks. I also thought she was incredibly beautiful, she was in great shape and we were having an amazing sex life. I probably would have stayed with her for a long time if it wasn’t for her criminal record.
FWIW, if we ever did go out somewhere where alcohol was involved, she was always very insistent on taking an uber or lyft. Even if I felt like it wasn’t necessary, for example, there is a brewery near where I live that serves really good food; I don’t mind driving there to have a small beer or two with food, hanging out for a bit and then drive home. I’m not intoxicated after that small amount, but she would still insist that we pay the $8 to go there in an uber. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 38,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 38
} | WRONG |
d8P4RNG4GQcbfynNUQcCcmxxgYmp1Zv3 | 9ylprf | {
"description": "not sleeping over at an in-laws house",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not sleeping over at an in-laws house? | Theres a few parts to this so bear with me
Ok so I have pretty bad intestinal issues. At least from what I've heard. Not sure what it is or how pronounced it is because going to the doctor isn't really in the budget but when I need to shit. I NEED to to shit. And it's not very friendly with when it wants to act up. So naturally it's pretty embarrassing and I don't really like going to other places for extended periods of time, especially sleeping over at another person's house (unless it's my parents house or I'm house sitting or something).
Last week my fiance's grandfather died, leaving her grandmother pretty lonely. No one really comes over to stay the night anymore and she's naturally a very busy person so the loneliness is hitting her hard.
The grandmother recently asked me and my fiance to sleep over at her house and drive her to a doctor's appointment in the morning. This is a big no from me because of the staying over part (not a big fan of the driving part but what can ya do), so I suggest my fiance does it. It should be noted here that she's pretty sneaky with what she asks and a trip to the doctor will probably turn into a trip to the doctor,the store, a restaurant, a second store can so forth. This isn't really an issue in this case, as the lady just lost her husband so it's forgivable.
Anyways I suggest my fiance go and do it since I don't want to ruin my, and everyone else's, day with my random shitting. She doesn't want to go alone because she's not the most confident driver and the appointment is big city downtown, and also she's in a really love dovey phase since we're about to be married and besides a few things we are very much compatible, so she doesn't want to be away from me for the night.
Basically it boils down to both of us reeeaaaally wanting opposite things.
We had a big fight and ultimately I stuck to not going and she went. I feel pretty bad about it now, but I don't think I was really that wrong in my decision. I don't regret my decision but I really regret the way it made my fiance feel. Idk man.
So am I an asshole here? And even if I'm not, am I wrong in this argument? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NIaEiTjVyZf5rLwmVzV0Nue9uepv8uEu | afjqd7 | {
"description": "asking my friend to stop dating our mutuals",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for asking my friend to stop dating our mutuals? | Made an account for this, not usually a big reddit guy.
So my current group of friends is entirely composed of people I've introduced to each other. One of my (I'm a dude if this matters) friends (who is a girl) has, over the past two years or so dated 2-3 of the mutuals in our friend group, and never has it ended amicably, she now either downright hates the ex or things are awkward as all hell making social encounters weird. I've asked her in the past to date outside our friend group because things are getting increasingly awkward, and I just found out last night that she'll be going out with yet another mutual this coming week. Am I the asshole for feeling this way? Would I be the asshole if I started to distance myself from her over this?
Thanks internet! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
rf8L83vtNx36BWldaA8ciBGBn3t3R4oP | b9hk03 | {
"description": "not being clear with a guy",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being clear with a guy? | Want to know if I was a asshole for not telling a guy sooner that I was not interested in him...
We are friends for 4 months and he is a good guy who wants a serious relationship, I notice he was interested in me but since he never talked about I faked not knowing to avoid a embarrassing situation. He knew I am single but I never talked with him about wanting a relationship or something similar, sometimes he tried to touch my hands while talking but I avoided and din't make/said nothing of this.
He came talk to me about and asked me out but I said no bc I think we better as friends and can't see we together as a couple. After that some friends said that I leaded him on and allowed him to think he had a chance by not making everything clear since the beginning and that he was a good guy wanting somenthing serious and I just hurted him by not even given him a chance.
I'm I the asshole for not making clear ASAP that dint liked him that way? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VSlJ8x16UaKVm1hhvKzwkNnFFe3RWTPX | akwjl0 | {
"description": "wanting to talk to a married friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to talk to a married friend? | Someone I know, let's call her Nicole (N), used to be really close to me in middle school and partway through high school until she moved. We would hang out every day after school and we'd be able to talk about literally anything. Even though she moved, we kept in touch. Fast forward to when we're around 18, and she tells me she's engaged to some guy she met at college (she took the fast track and left HS early). Me being supportive, I'm of course happy for her. We try to schedule some time to hang out but it just doesn't work out bc of conflicting schedules. Fast forward again to a couple years later, with me texting her something along the lines of "Hey, it's been a while! Idk if you still live in ____ but if you're free we should catch up sometime!". I get an angry text from her husband telling me I'm a "weirdo" and to fuck off and leave them alone? I'm more confused and concerned than angry because this is someone close to me who I've always seen as a little sister of sorts but I've been cut off from all contact, social media wise and phone number wise. Anyway, sorry if it's not all relevant, thanks for reading this far if you did
TL;DR close friend got married, cut me out of her life without explanation, husband proceeded to flame and block me from HER phone number when I texted her once | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iN7v1sR08lQkAipAJPhtV7mqdxh9UM11 | az853q | {
"description": "killing an eagle in my truck",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for killing an eagle in my truck? | I was driving down the freeway hauling a trailer. I was going about 60 in the right lane. This was in a construction area with no shoulder. There were no cars in front of me for about 150 feet. When the car in front of me passes over a dead animal an eagle swoops down to probably eat it. I honk my horn and let off the gas. I glance in my side mirror and see the truck behind me is super close and if I mash my brakes I'm going to get rear ended and my trailer will Jack knife and hit a car in the other lane. I break lightly and honk again. The eagle stares at me as I drove over it. I could feel it hit the truck in my feet. Should I have risked braking hard? Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ua7hILvWm9udnzq0RUYmpTPuopY6aocH | asysvt | {
"description": "setting boundaries with my roommates",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for setting boundaries with my roommates? | Hi Reddit. I am in a pickle. I am 18F and my roommate is 20F. However she has a friend staying in the living room, 21M. We all agreed we would split the rent and utilities 3 ways. I recently only moved into the house about 2 weeks ago, my roommate did not tell me about her friend. I was under the assumption it was going to be me and her. I have no problem with him staying as long as he pays his part.
There has been multiple issues with her friend. He constantly sets the heater to the highest temp of 90° after I have said multiple times not to put it past 70°. I believe 71° is room temp and keeps gas prices low. Not only does he blast the heater, but my door when open is directly in front it. Just today I came home to the same thing. Heater was on 90 with my door right on it, and I know it was like that for awhile because my door was dangerously hot, damn near fire hazard hot. I sent a text to my roommate letting her know it’s not me being a bitch, it’s a serious legit fire hazard. I have said it’s okay to close my door or block so it’s not directly in front of the heater. So that’s one big issue.
Food is another. We went grocery shopping and spent $90. It’s been not even a week and most of the food is gone. The thing is, I’m not home much and neither is my roommate. We both work and I go to school full time. So only logical explanation is that her friend is sitting at home all day, eating all the food he didn’t even pitch in for. He doesn’t even bother to clean the house while he’s at home literally all day. He hasn’t paid anything yet so you’d think he’d at least try to keep things tidy. I personally went grocery shopping by myself and shopped for specific recipes and meal preps. I got a pack of chicken drumsticks to use. My roommate asked if “we were making chicken tonight”. I told her no I was going to use it for my meal preps. That was literally yesterday.
Tonight I go into the fridge to make my meal preps and discover my chicken not only open but half of it gone. I text my roommate who ate it and told her someone needs to explain it. It’s not even that they ate it, I don’t mind sharing at all. It’s the fact that they ate it after I specifically told her not too and then didn’t say anything or even bother to ask. The fact that they didn’t even bother to ask crossed the line for me. I sent her a text and this is what I said
Me: Imma need someone to explain. It’s more than the chicken itself, it’s the principle. I’ve been nice and willing to share but little by little I’m getting more and more pissed off. I thought there was a mutual understanding and sense of respect. But guess not, From now on. You or your friend. Don’t touch any of my stuff I bring into this house. I’m neither one of your moms
I know at first glance it looks super mean. But I’ve talked to them over and over. Idk guys, am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jscjNnH7DfCcmnYcf2K598QdcQgIonYt | b8oqtt | {
"description": "looking for someone else immediately after breaking up with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for looking for someone else immediately after breaking up with my ex | Throwaway account.
I've just broken up with my gf of 2 months. It didn't get to any serious point. I broke up mainly because I just decided that I didn't feel attracted to her in the same way and I wanted to just be friends. Also, we only ever see each other like at best twice a week and that just doesn't work for me.
The thing is I want to find someone else and I feel like it would be a very dick move of me to immediately start looking, even though I don't feel like I have to wait because I never got too attached. I've always had trouble with social norms, so I don't know how to proceed. I'm sorry if this isn't the right subreddit for this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
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