id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
TlbYqwGDEJJYpqgeb7swiKMfj7w7sNt6 | b3v4p0 | {
"description": "sending money",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for sending money? | Okay, first time poster (I think I should say sorry for the format because I'm on mobile and any eventually grammatical errors since ending is not my first language)
This friend of mine, she's been a good friend with one downside. She had never had enough money. She's quite alot older than me. I've always had money since I worked before I graduated but she hasn't because of mental health. Since I've had more money than I needed I've helped her out with groceries, travels to and from her family and friends. A while ago we lived together in my apartment and let her stay there without paying any rent since I knew she didn't have money for it.
At that time I had two cats who I loved very much.
She then found a bf quite far away, but i decided that she could keep one of my cats since the two I had didn't go along to well and she and this one cat went really good together. The cat was old and sick and we both knew she didn't have long. Fast forward and some more money lent, she calls me saying the cat wasn't feeling well at all and needed to be put to sleep. I was so sad and in the phone call she said I needed to send the money to her bf because her welfare check would be that amount less if I send it to her. I didn't hear that, so I sent her the money. I sad sorry and if the could say it was a mistake from my side (which it really was) and that they could even call me to verify.
She probably never did that and sent a passive aggressive SMS saying she now needed to lend from her father to even have enough money to pay the rent. I got angry since I've given so much already and pointed out that before she start complaining she should at least pay me back some of the money I've lent her. She now doesn't talk to me, after around 9 years of friendship.
Am I the asshole here?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YwAJ93QW6zB4hqSHa7XboKf44DwsvucR | a2a2l8 | {
"description": "not appeasing my passive aggressive housemate",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not appeasing my passive aggressive housemate? | **TL;DR: My passive aggressive housemate has convinced the landlord she's the sole caretaker of the flat and he’s threatened to withhold part of our deposit. Now she’s erected a cleaning record sheet without telling anyone and my housemates are starting to fill it in. But I won’t – so AITA for not following the herd?**
Four of us rent rooms in a flat. Two of us are English, the others are Italian and talk daily in their native language. One of them, who is middle-aged, is passive aggressive (PA) and has hit my red line.
Cleaning is her bugbear, but all of us pitch in with chores, buy supplies and so on. But weeks after I moved in, PA texted the flat and landlord that she was fed-up with cleaning ‘the whole flat’ and only the other Italian housemate cleaned at all. The landlord then threatened to withhold part of our deposit if we didn’t pitch in.
I was livid. Not only did I do my bit, but PA never raised her concerns face to face. When she was not hiding in her room, my attempts to calmly discuss it were shut down and the silent treatment started. The other Italian housemate had seen me clean and said there was no issue with cleanliness when I asked the day before (the previous tenant warned me about PA). Plus, since the landlord was that gullible, I started taking before and after pictures of my efforts, which feels ridiculous, but my deposit was steep.
Since then, the mood has calmed and the flat is kept clean. But a fortnight ago a sickness spread, cleanliness slipped, and PA put up a cleaning record sheet without consulting anyone, adding her name and a date next to each common room she supposedly cleaned. My housemates have begun filling it in too, and although I clean I refuse to sign it out of principle. I don’t give into passive aggressiveness, but I worry PA will use it to single me out as a resident slob and take it to the landlord.
So should I start signing it or stick to my guns? I want to live here in peace, but I’ve fought hard to establish boundaries generally and I feel it’s about time I stopped appeasing assholes for an easier life. But AITA for not following the herd? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VRGenBzE8toup86Dxd9HiyTzSeUrMgaS | a7iwwc | {
"description": "wanting my bf to alternate holidays with my son and I and going out drinking",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my BF (33M) to alternate holidays with my son (9M) and I (28F) and going out drinking? | For context, BF has a big close family and huge close friend group. He has lots of hobbies and pastimes, a demanding career and overall a very full life. I admire this about him. I on the other hand am a single parent to an 8 yr old boy, have a small family and a small friend group. I don’t do so much by way of socializing, maybe once or twice per month have girls time out etc.
We’re slated to move in together in the next few months, and have been doing “trials” spending a few nights at BF’s place here and there, hanging out once or twice per week etc. This is our first time spending the holidays together. Thanksgiving worked out nicely. We went to BF’s then to my family’s and then relaxed at the house.
Christmas was always my favorite growing up. My family still had big gatherings when I was little, I got to see everyone, everyone was happy and it was great yadda yadda yadda. Now it’s borderline depressing. No family dinner on my side. It’s basically just me and my son and my mom usually. I was so looking forward to spending Christmas together this year and making new traditions and enjoying the holiday together. Family and togetherness is how I feel Christmas is supposed to be. Well BF too, just a little differently...
BF’s Christmas tradition is to go out and get shit faced with his brothers and friends on Christmas Eve and then go to his parents for Christmas Day dinner. Obviously I said I’d be passing on the eve, that I’ll be home with DS watching Christmas movies and baking cookies and whatnot. And we’re supposed to all go to Christmas dinner.
Then we had talked about New Years, which we decided we’d stay home and hang with the kiddo. I told BF I’d be spending it with DS, but he can do his own thing and at one point BF said we *have* to spend New Years together. It was non negotiable for him. Ok cool, so you’re gonna hang with us at the house and drink fake wine and play music and bang pots and pans and whatnot?
Well tonight he expressed his dissatisfaction with not “going out” and asked if this is going to be every year? To which I replied maybe next year we can switch it up and he can stay home with us on Christmas Eve and I can get a sitter and we can go out together on NYE. He acted like I’d literally just ripped his heart out. Started going on about how I better never try to get between him and his family and friends etc.
Guys. Every time he wants to do something *with the exception of when he’s changing or cancelling plans we already had together* I am fine with it. I don’t give him a hard time about anything ever. He has a very time intensive summer hobby. I’m talking like 2-3 entire days a week every week during the summer. During football season he’s doing that 2-3 times a week. I am not the type to try to come between him and his “him” time/family/friends. I feel like I’m super understanding and do a lot of working around his schedule and doing what he wants etc so that comment was a real slap in the face.
Anyway. He’s going to be doing his own thing all weekend this weekend and going out Christmas Eve and we’re going to his family thing with him on Christmas. And then he acts like I’m the devil for suggesting that we compromise next year? If he wants to spend NYE together *out*, is it really that ridiculous for me to ask that he spend Christmas Eve home with my kid and I?
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MZIG2Garb8Erjnl4x1tZvNzz8PTNJhnm | aiebk5 | {
"description": "sleeping with my coworker and telling another coworker about it",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for sleeping with my coworker and telling another coworker about it? | Ok, so there's three people relevant to this story: Me, C, and S. S and C are both girls and I'm a guy. S and I have been friends (or so I thought) for a while and C is newer.
​
We all work together in an office with about 100 people in it. We're in different departments (I'm an accountant, C is in Business Development (Sales), and S is in QA), but we're in an industry that is full of older people and we're in our mid-twenties, so we tend to hang out together.
​
So last March, it was C's first or second week here. A bunch of us went to happy hour after work. Everyone leaves one at a time and C and I are the last two left. We have one last drink together, end up at her place, and sleep together.
​
Now, I was a little worried about how C would take this at first, but a few days later, she pulled me aside and said "Hey, just want you to know that I had fun, but I'm not looking for a relationship or anything." I was totally relieved and told her we were on the same page. From then on, things were totally cool between me and C. Not even awkward at all. We ended up hooking up one more time a few months later, actually.
​
A huge mistake I made was telling S what happened. She was the last one to leave C and I alone, so she asked me what happened the next day and I told her. Probably not a smart idea, looking back, but I thought we were friends and she seemed curious about it.
​
Like I said, that was 10 months ago or so. This morning, I get pulled into HR and was told that S had filed a hostile work environment claim against C and I. She said the knowledge of us sleeping together caused her to be "scared to come into work and lose sleep at night". C and I are both being formally written up and we've been told not to ask S about this or it will be considered retaliation and harassment. This is actually the first day of a two week vacation for S so she's not even here to talk to (she filed the claim her last day before the vacation, last Friday. Probably on purpose).
​
Honestly, I was completely blindsided by this. This happened almost a year ago and S has never given me any indication that this info made her uncomfortable or that she felt the work environment is hostile. I have noticed that S and C have been falling out kind of lately so maybe this is a way to get back at C? I'm not really sure. Didn't see this coming at all.
​
Talked to C about it at lunch today and we're still cool, amazingly. She's not even really mad that I told S, but sh'es just as bewildered as I am.
​
So, what's your verdict reddit? Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
orACyb1yzj5b6RPdkqcHckbbovNSmjPj | b4scqy | {
"description": "downloading a dating app when my boyfriend told me he would decide if he still has feelings for me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for downloading a dating app when my boyfriend told me he would decide if he still has feelings for me? | My boyfriend and I, over the past 3 years, have had phases where we aren’t the best girlfriend or boyfriend.
Well, anyway, he told me on Spring Break that he did not have those romantic feelings for me anymore because of my attitude and that he tried everything. We settled that he could decide through break on what he wanted.
He told me I have “so much going for me” and that maybe one day we would reconnect down the road and it may end up being what we need. I ask if we can still spend time with each other this break since I still decided to come home anyway.
I begged him for a solid yes/no. I wanted him to commit to his decision whether it’s in my life or not. I begged for one or the other.
As I waited for communication via phone/in-person, I felt like he was the only guy for me and that the only guy for me doesn’t want me anymore. I know other guys would like me, but it’s not the same.
I accepted that he planned on leaving me despite I wanted to change and make things work.
I downloaded a dating app, matched with any guy that I had something in common with (military, love for food/traveling) and that was that. No dirty messages, flirting, etc.
The last day he tells me he loves me. I almost instantly deleted everything. Never looked at the app again.
I felt like I should be honest tonight about what I did. He told me he considers it cheating. I don’t FEEL like I cheated. I FEEL like looking at the app actually made me appreciate him more.
AITA? Am I a cheater? IDK. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
6o8gZWMop4Fi14WKb1NQYVUoRzcM3Jg4 | a7hf0n | {
"description": "telling my racist father to shut up",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my racist father to shut up | My dad was saying very racist things when he was watching the news about some confederate statues being taken down. It was already making me very uncomfortable so I asked if he could stop saying such things. He did not comply and continued to say offensive things until he said that the “niggers are lucky they still aren’t picking cotton so they shouldn’t be complaining” at this point I was fed up and I told him to shut up. My mom got very angry and said I was being rude. AITA for telling him to shut up? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7Q9zczz4RnVufShjFPH2HBNSeYY4qR4A | a3pr6e | {
"description": "refusing to engage with my co-workers' small talk",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for refusing to engage with my co-workers' small talk? | Personally, I can't stand small talk, but my workplace thrives on it. I work in a small office in a larger shared space, and there are only 7 of us total. Most of us work in different fields, so conversations about our work are generally off the table, which is understandable.
​
When I started working here about 2.5 months ago, I entertained the small talk mostly because I hadn't gotten to know any of them well enough yet to talk about anything else. But I've started to notice that even though we've had more significant topics about shared common interests (sports, television/movies, etc.), whenever a conversation begins they opt for vapid, generic topics like the weather or what we're going to eat for lunch.
​
It's also not just small talk: it's meaningless remarks that I honestly have no idea how to reply to anymore. For example, whenever I use the copier (which is every day) the person who works closest to the copier asks me, "having fun?". The first few times I used to joke around and say I was having so much fun I was worried I'd wake up the next day with a hangover, but I've been asked if I'm "having fun" every single day for nearly three months.
​
They also regularly come into my office and interrupt my work for the sake of small talk, and if I don't immediately give them my attention they will linger in my doorway staring at me until I ask them what's up and if they need anything, but given the fact that we all work different jobs (just share the office), there is very little reason for them to demand my attention like that and every single time they do, it's only to engage it more meaningless banter.
​
Over the past couple of weeks I've begun to reply with single-syllable words, "mhmm", or just flat-out ignore it. I've even mentioned in the past to them that small talk really doesn't cut it for me. The types of conversation they insist upon have become insufferable to the point where I've started "working through lunch" most days (aka hiding in my office browsing reddit while I eat) instead of eating with them.
​
Am I the asshole for no longer entertaining their small talk? I'm actively avoiding their small talk right now, I'm typing this post with fervor to make it seem like I'm working really really hard on something. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
nqxM7soUkc8gIawKy3xdaxAHnyQvnv1H | a8y3e2 | {
"description": "telling a mom that her son shouldn't be riding on the bottom of the shopping cart. tldr at bottom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling a mom that her son shouldn't be riding on the bottom of the shopping cart. Tldr at bottom. | This happened years ago when I was almost 15, and it still frustrates me. Keep in mind that I looked a lot older than I was then.
I was shopping at my local grocery store, as I was walking through the produce section when I saw a child riding on the bottom of the cart with his head sticking right out the front.
I calmly walked up to the mom and said I don't mean to be rude but it's not safe for your son to be riding on the bottom of your cart like that.
Immediately I'm greeted with her berating me and telling me to mind my own business and that her son is her problem. She out right calls me an asshole and the store clerk came up and told her the same thing and she repeated what she told me to him.
She pushed her cart away from us and started walking away, and not more than ten seconds after she walked away she was driving her cart really close to the end caps of each aisle, suddenly this guy came out of one of the Isles and sideswiped her son's head with his cart. The woman then proceeded to blow up on the man who didn't see her coming. And then she turned her anger back to me even though I was a good distance away at that point. She was basically screaming across the store about how I was a "cunt" and must have set up the whole situation, then basically said that she was going to sue me for damages while her son sits there bleeding out of the side of his head.
The store clerk just told me to go to the front and wait for officers to arrive, so I did just that. About 5 to 10 minutes later I saw EMTs rush into the store followed by two police officers. I decided to follow them which I admit was a terrible idea.
Once back to the area where it all happened, there was a decent amount of blood on the ground and the kid was sitting upright crying. The officers were taking the woman's statement when she suddenly just shouted "HIM, that is the man who did it!" She was pointing over at me.
One of the officers walked over to me as did the store clerk, the officer talked to me about the whole situation and the store clerk defended me and told the officer what he saw happen.
The kid was okay aparently but he was definitely going to need stitches, and the woman's complaining the entire time saying that I was the problem and that it must be my fault. She went on for a while and insisted that I should be arrested.
The officers asked for any identification I didn't have a state ID so I used my school ID. When they realized how old I was, they told me that just head on home and that they would contact the school if they needed any information from me. I was not contacted afterwards.
Basically I've had people tell me over the years that I was the asshole for instigating this situation in the first place. I don't think I'm an asshole because I was concerned for the child's safety. But there are some people who still insist that I was an asshole. So AITA?
TL;DR I told a woman that her son shouldn't be riding on the bottom of the shopping cart, not more than 10 seconds after he gets hit and she blames me and tries to get me arrested. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
gMU5LBoUIzavoSXwjlLgKYRRA1KA8q6M | b3qafw | {
"description": "choosing the late shift",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for choosing the late shift? | I work at a 24/7 convenience store. My manager pretty much let’s us work out what shifts we work as long as everything gets covered. This is in the city. The difference between day shift and night shift is insane. The store is completely packed during the day shifts and you’re always constantly running around. The night shifts are a lot more laid back.
My girlfriend works during the day. I took the late shift and now she’s upset with me because I could have chosen the day shift and been able to spend nights with her. We will still be able to spend time together, we just won’t be sleeping together. She said that I chose being lazy over spending time with her. I really don’t see what the big deal is, we will still be seeing each other. We just won’t be snoring at each other. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
7lbZVQLsLhgLi80rQGZsrtckBKdhpesX | aj8s77 | null | AITA | I read a post about a server in Scotland that received a bad tip in $US currency.
I'm struggling to find sympathy. I'd trade all my tips at an American job for U.K. Healthcare.
I've lived in Europe a few times and I did tip even in countries where it is not custom. I get annoyed by Americans posting about bad tips but to see someone with healthcare complaining about bad tips is crazy to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
R6wyTavBkIQsZ681UHjoij8Quzeye9sR | b0zzhq | {
"description": "not wanting to be in a relationship anymore",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be in a relationship anymore ? | Some context, sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my native language.
I have had a long-term realtionship with a guy that was amazing. I noticed our relationship was slowly dying and that it was about to get ugly. He would make comments about me, my body, my job which I'm really passionate about. I was starting to do the same. We even got into a fight and hé violently grabbed my arm at some point. Because I loved him very much and didn't want things to get messy between us, I broke up and moved out on my own.
Fast forward to around mis January, I decided to meet new people. Being in a new city, I figured this would help a lot with letting go of the sadness that I had been feeling ever since I had left my ex. I met a very cool guy, good looking, with tastes that are very close to mine. We like the same things, watch the same movies and series, have very similar humour. I soon developed a crush for this guy and everything was going pretty well. We confessed feelings and eventually we considered ourselves as a couple.
He left for two weeks because of his job. We would message each other a lot and videocall everyday. But I realised I didn't miss him that much? I wasn't even looking forward to see him again. When he came back we, of course, had sex and it was horrible. I'm a guy as well, so I noticed that he wasn't clean down there. It's the second time this foul smell oozes from him and I'm really attached to hygiene. I tried talking to him about it, but he doesn't seem to care. There's just no link anymore. Sex is mechanical and I just wait for the time he leaves when he comes over.
I think I overestimated my ability to cope with a breakup after a long term relationship. My ex and I try to remain friends and I think that decision weighs in on my ability to start a new relationship.
AITA for getting in a couple too fast, realising I'm not ready for it and wanting it to end? The guy is very fragile, which I've just realised, I'm among the first guys he's been with so he's already pretty attached which I hate cause I'm not.
Thanks for reading this and for your answers. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
f8Z2Bw3MepQbbOVY0tv323WH9Tc0G3yK | 9u868x | {
"description": "betraying my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for betraying my boyfriend? | So.. This is quite a complicated story.. Also, throwaway because reasons.
So, my (16F) boyfriend (16M) lives in a disfunctional family. His dad is abusive, and him and his mom are arguing very often. His dad is Canadian, his mom is Australian. He has both citizenships.
The dad forced them to come to Canada and live there against their will. (Idk how he did it) My bf’s dad had been really awful to my bf and his mom, he’s done things that I could personally never forgive. My bf’s mom doesn’t have a work permit, but she has her permanent residency. They only have one car, and the dad uses it to go to work. Only the dad works, and he keeps nearly all his money for himself. He gives my bf and his mom a small quantity of money every month so they can buy food. The house is dirty, they can barely take care of themselves. My bf and his mom would gladly go back to Australia, but they would need both parents’ permission for my bf to move back there, because he’s not an adult yet. So basically, they’re stuck here. My bf is often feeling down and sad, and his mom too. And that causes even more arguments.
But the thing is, my boyfriend asked me to never talk about it to anyone, otherwise he would most likely end our relationship because he couldn’t trust me anymore. Not even a friend, not even a parent, not even my psychologist. But he’s the most attentive, gentle boy I’ve met.. he makes me feel good, he’s helped me a lot with my self esteem issues, trust issues, etc. We do activities together, we really have lots of fun. He teases me, I tease him, we laugh a lot. He’s always been nice to me, he never hit me, or called me names. It’s just that secret thing that has been bothering me. His attitude only changes when he’s at his house, where he seems to become more nervous.
We’ve been together for nearly 2 years, and it’s just bothering me more and more. I ended up talking about it with my parents. And god I felt better. Keeping all of that inside was getting painful. I tried many times to talk about it with my boyfriend, but he was always saying that now isn’t the good time to talk about it. And I didn’t want to talk about it with his mom either. I feel bad for it, but I’m scared of her. She screams a lot at his dad, she barely gets out of her room anymore and she looks very tired. No expression on her face. My bf told me she’s in depression. The police was involved a few times, the neighbors complained to them because they were arguing very loudly.
So yea. I talked about it with my parents. And they tried to support me as much as possible. And they help he find how to help my boyfriend, etc etc. My parents asked my bf’s mom if she needs any help, but she’s always answered no.
But I still feel bad for betraying my boyfriend. Did I do the right thing to talk about it with my parents? What should I do now? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ja3k3KMhb2SCBwQODsBQb7Wc0TcPTjSd | az5a8y | {
"description": "being mad at my friend for getting close with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being mad at my friend for getting close with my ex? | So 3 of us (me, my ex, and my friend) go to the same class we are all 17 years old, and recently, my gf(I'll refer to her as N) and I broke up.It was mostly mutual, but i feel like she broke up with me more than i broke up with her and i still like her.
So it's been 4 months since we stopped dating and in that time i noticed my friend, who we'll call P, getting closer with her, which is fine it's okay for them to be friends i can't tell him or her who to be friends with.BUT here is where i see some red flags, from time to time i see him being flirty and getting closer to her, he spends time with her friends who he said he hates multiple times while i was with N and even after that.
Now i know N would never be with P, she pretty much looks at him like at a gay friend and i'm sure of it, i know things can change but i'm pretty sure she is just friends with him and will continue to be.But my friend seems like he likes her, i asked him a few times, and was told by him that my 2 other friends already told him to cut that stuff out because they thought it's not cool.What broke the camels back was him getting very close and touchy with her, she didn't reciprocate it and moved a little.Now that got me mad and i told him that if he continues with that stuff we couldn't be friends and asked him to cut it out, he got very defensive and kept saying he doesn't know what i'm talking about and that he is just her friend even tho it doesn't look like that to me or to 3-4 other friends.
Since then i haven't said a word to him, basically ignoring him.He didn't say anything either in last 5 days and continued talking to N, looks like this friendship means very little to him.I'm gonna talk it out with him if he says something first, but i'm not going to be the one to talk to him first cause i feel like i'm in the right here.
TL;DR:My friend of 2 years, started getting closer to my ex which who i broken up 3 months ago, both me and my friends noticed this and I talked to him about it, he got very defensive and i started ignoring him.Friends says i'm overreacting because we've been friend for 2 years which makes me think that *maybe* i'm the asshole, what do you guys think?
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
YfbMVWPCxOfdgn5lQXIjdaYfg0vCeOzo | a2ra6q | null | AITA for cultural insensitivity? | I was talking with my coworker (F- second generation Indian immigrant) about her upcoming Vegas vacation and the conversation turned to spontaneously eloping. She said that she was sure there were people who had done it and it worked for them and compared it to arranged marriages in her culture. To which I replied “Yeah, but then your husband passes away first and suddenly you’re on top of his funeral pyre.” She asked what I meant by that and I awkwardly had to explain a joke that in hindsight is in bad taste. She dropped it after that, and I assume that if I’d said something that actually bothered her, she’d be upfront about it and I would apologize. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
qyw1jWHnCHH6qSMvbdToDAYyyf8LwCer | apagxw | {
"description": "making my friend pay for her own baby shower",
"pronormative_score": 55,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I made my friend pay for her own baby shower? | A little back story, my friend just had a baby last year after trying for a few years to get pregnant. I threw her a reveal party and then I threw her a baby shower. My husband and I are not financially stable but I still found a way to pay for things for her reveal and shower. She paid half and I paid the other half.
Fast forward nine months after she had her son and she gets pregnant again. We're worse off than we were last year financially and struggling to catch up on our medical bills when she tells me that I'm hosting this baby shower.
It would be different if I had offered to throw a baby shower but I didn't. She told me I was throwing it. I had been actively avoiding the subject because I know I can't afford it nor do I have time to plan one with having a full time job plus my own family to take care of.
I will gladly diy stuff when/if I have a little free time but I just don't think I can spend much if anything on a second baby shower. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 53,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 55,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qVL58LrmhPbn8iFFwrxtfzT7aL8qLKBi | awq2k7 | {
"description": "being frustrated with my coworker who just had a baby",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being frustrated with my coworker who just had a baby? | Am I the asshole for being frustrated?
I’d like to note that I’ve never said anything to this coworker, but it bothers me every day.
I work at a small veterinary practice in California. I have a coworker who had a baby last year. Before having the baby this coworker was on top of her shit! She was the type to call any of us out on slacking and was the go to for any and all questions. She had a M,Tu,F, Sat schedule.
This is her and her Husbands first child. Both of their families live across the county and both planned on working after the birth so they knew they would have to find a nanny/daycare.
Towards the end of the pregnancy, this coworkers mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her mother died shortly after the baby was born. Our entire hospital (we are a tiny clinic) banded together and worked a ton of overtime to accommodate her to be gone a extra few months outside of her maternity leave to deal with the loss of her mother.
When she came back to work she announced that she was putting her baby in daycare Mon-Thur and would no longer be working her normal schedule. She never thanked anyone for stepping up to help cover so she could have extra time off to grieve. She then expected us all to change our schedules on a whim to accommodate the daycare schedule she chose. She now gets a 3 day weekend every week. This is unheard of in veterinary medicine.
We again all changed our lives around to accommodate her. Anything to make her life easier with a newborn and dealing with the loss of her mother. We rearranged the break room to give her a safe place to pump.
She pumps twice a day for at least 30-40 minutes at a time. She’ll clock out for lunch, clock back in and go pump for 30+ minutes. She’ll then pump for another 30 plus minutes on the clock straight before we close, when she’s done she punches out and goes home. She doesn’t tell anyone before she pumps so we’ll be swamped and suddenly down a technician with no notice.
Her baby is now 14 months and this is still going on. My other coworkers and I all feel taken advantage of. Are we the assholes for feeling that way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
ZXUWBeF50h9kFJB4wBmXyy1nOOodnG6S | akw2ei | {
"description": "not wanting to speak about something terrible I did to my gf in highschool before we dated",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For not wanting to speak about something terrible I did to my GF in highschool before we dated? | Alright, so to keep it short, when I was adopted it was from an extremely abusive household, my original mother was a true sadist, and I was her outlet, this is not an excuse, but something to explain why I was that way.
So when we were in high school, we never interacted much, we had a few classes together but that was it. I knew she was gay, as well as me because of her face book ect, I was not open about being gay and hated it, it was a blight I thought at the time at least because I figured i'd never find a girlfriend. At this point in my life I switched from private school to public, my parents are pretty wealthy but it was obvious I was not welcome in private school, I was a bully, through and through, I only ever really messed with other "Bullies".
Anyways the conversation she wants to have is when, I well, (This is not the AITA, I already know I am for this, not sure how this will go for the violence thing) I beat her up in the locker room, Apologized and said I have no clue why I did that.
Fast forward to when we are 19 and 18, I contact her on facebook and say i'm sorry, we talk a lot from there and we end up dating.
She wants to talk about it, but I simply cannot, this was the absolute darkest and most destructive period in my life, I know I am not a good person I know I am "Evil" but I cannot have this conversation, my blood runs cold when she even so much as hints shes gonna bring it up, I cannot even fathom to this day, why I did that, I had no control, I was shaking so hard when I got home from school that day I hurt myself a lot.
I can't have this conversation, it brings back such dark feelings that I have FOUGHT for many years to suppress and make die, I like to imagine that was me when my (This will be edgy) Darkness was on the outside, and now i've pushed it inward and locked it away, for good. I don't even imagine myself being the same person back then but I know it is not like that, I was and did do that.. I fear nothing in this world, but losing her, or my close family will stop me dead in my tracks, I can barely even think of what to say my mind races so quickly.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
30Q448SenhyLmSisdbt26jVqHKlomzXw | avstt9 | {
"description": "honking and flashing my lights at people doing 45 in a 65 in the far left lane of the highway",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 27
} | AITA for honking and flashing my lights at people doing 45 in a 65 in the far left lane of the highway??? | So this happened yesterday morning on my way to work. In the state I live in we got some freezing rain over night and into the early morning, but the roads were not iced over. So on my daily commute is a 20 minute highway drive where the speed limit is 65 mph. I get on the highway and people are driving cautious which I expect because at this stretch of highway are several on and off ramps so no big deal. But then I get into the left lane and the traffic is crawling at a painful 45mph. Initially I think there's a wreck right.....nope outta just some scary a$$ non drivers. So I start flashing my lights and lasting on the horn so these non-drivers can get the F out of my way I wasn't trying to speed add I wasn't going to be late I just wanted to go the speed limit. Of course I stare art each driver as I pass them and one person called me an a-hole. So AITA??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 27
} | WRONG |
IXWLs5anbAYyb4uxSTJ0z0GaIumYJkW0 | 9uddar | {
"description": "wanting to leave after my partner relapsed",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to leave after my partner relapsed? | Backstory: started dating a girl who'd been clean for a year and a half from alcohol, meth, and heroin. I told her when we started dating that if she relapsed, I'd leave immediately. It's a firm line in the sand that I can't have crossed - my ex died from a heroin overdose, and I can't live through that again. I have never, or will ever, use hard drugs like heroin.
After about 7 months together, her behavior started to change radically. She switched to a huge purse, which she would bring to the bathroom with her for a couple hours at a time. She'd come out obviously intoxicated, and when I asked about it she would say it was her new medication. In reality, she was keeping bottles of vodka and wine in her purse and drinking in the bathroom.
She started hanging out with a 'friend', who I had never met. He was showing up at her house late at night, and vice versa. She told me they slept together once, 10 years ago, and had agreed they were better as friends. She also told me that he had kids with another woman and was in a long term relationship so was no threat. I asked her to not hang out alone at his house(or vice versa), at least until I had met him and had a chance to make my own man-on-man character appraisal. She agreed, and promised that if she sensed anything in terms of him trying to hit on her she would stop contact and tell me immediately.
In reality, they were having sex less than a month before we started dating. He also happens to be a meth / heroin addict and dealer. I didn't know any of those details at the time, nor did I know he was asking her to have sex, sending her nude pictures of them together from when they used to have sex, providing her with alcohol, and sending dick pics. This was occurring almost daily for months. During this period we didn't have sex at all(around 5 months) because she would shut me down every time I tried.
I finally discovered the emotional cheating when I was staying at her house. We had plans to spend the next couple days at my place, but at 2:30am she asked me to have my employee pick me up in the morning and drive me home - she needed to stay at her house alone to 'catch up on housework'. She had been absorbed in texting all night, and when she fell asleep on the couch I looked at what she had been up to. We have an open phone policy, she has free reign on mine and vice versa. She had made plans for her ex to come over at 10pm the next day, after making sure I would already have been long gone. I went through the 5 months of conversation and saw all the dick pics and invitations for sex that she had entertained - "that sounds really fun" types of responses every time. I left and went to a friend's, determined that she was cheating on me, and that I was going to leave her.
She called me over and over again throughout the day, and I agreed to sit down and talk. She convinced me she wasn't physically cheating, so I (like an idiot) forgave the emotional cheating if she promised to cut off contact with this guy.
Two days after this shit storm, I caught her with a pint glass of whiskey. I watched her go into the kitchen, sneakily fill up the glass from the bottle I keep for guests, and asked her directly when she walked back to the TV room if it had alcohol in it. She said "of course not, it's soda!" I grabbed the glass, sipped it, and almost threw up since it was pure booze. She then admitted to having been secretly drinking for months. Since then, she's been working hard on sobriety and going to AA meetings. She slipped up once but hasn't fully relapsed as far as I know.
These are my thoughts: she probably cheated on me physically, and definitely cheated on me emotionally. She probably relapsed with either meth or heroin, and definitely relapsed with alcohol. I really do love her, and when she's got her shit together she's great. But I think she hasn't been honest about what really happened when I was at work or bit spending the night during those 5 months. And even if she has been truthful, hasn't physically cheated and hasn't used meth/heroin while we are together I feel like I can never fully trust her.
I feel like she broke my heart with two massive breaches of trust in a two day span, and I've been trying to let it heal but I don't think I can move past it. I'm scared to death that if we have kids together, she'll be picking them up from school drunk after fucking some guy for meth. I'm also scared that if I leave her she'll start using again, and end up dead or worse.
Your thoughts are welcome, and thank you for listening. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7I13tA8yk6Q0EYr2OurVKOCcdKoJpyxF | amyozz | {
"description": "not wanting to bet around the bush with my Mother's weight issue",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to bet around the bush with my Mother's weight issue? | As long as I have been born, my Mum has been over weight. She has tried numerous diets etc but always gives up.
She turned 60 last year and along with that has come some complications around her weight. It is a vicious cycle of not being able to exercise properly due to bad knees etc, gaining more weight, therefore not being able to exercise.
My Dad is suffering because of it. He is a very active and social person, but my Mum really struggles. She can't walk more than a few km's at a time and social events tire her out - a lot.
She needs to loose weight, there is no doubt about it and my family all agree she needs an intervention... however no one is willing to give her the hard word because they don't want to upset her.
I LOVE my Mum. She is the best Mother I could ever wish for and as it stands - she won't be around to see my children.
Am I the Asshole for wanting to give it to her straight?
We have found a personal trainer, I know a nutritionist, we are all willing to do it together as a family. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ky47Eg3khAPAdVmWbZQG0oXuBIWiamZU | ae6o0j | {
"description": "\"putting down\" my best friends family",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for “putting down” my best friends family? | Sorry for the long story tldr at end
Last week my best friend and I were kicking back at home having pizza and watching Netflix. I was not in a super social mood and was going to bed soon anyway. Out of the blue my best friends three cousins and one of their boyfriends came over at around 10pm (we live close to city centre and they had just come from a concert) all wanting to hang at our house until it was late enough to go to the clubs in town. I admit I did not stay downstairs long. I kissed them all on the cheek to greet them (customary in our country) then pretty much went upstairs. Anyway when I was upstairs they had the music up quite loud and our other flatmate who was asleep had work at 6am. So I went downstairs and said “hey would you guys mind turning it down a bit, just because (Flatmate) has got to get up at 5am” they turned it down a tad and it was fine. They eventually moved on to my best friends aunty’s house that is just down the road from us and eventually my best friend followed as wanted to hang with family (of course).
Anyway my best friend tonight told me that two of his cousins were bitching to their aunty saying I came storming downstairs saying “Turn it the f*** down!!” Which the aunty said she didn’t believe as I’ve known her for years and I’m not a confrontational person I’m always overly nice about that sort of stuff.
I’m upset as I don’t want shit spoken about me that isn’t true and it just puts down my character and I would never speak to people like that. I ended up getting angry and saying some more than choice words about the cousins that were talking about me. My best friend ripped into me saying “oh get over it they were drunk at the time” “it was debunked by my aunty so who cares”
I’m feeling like don’t just come into my home drunk, turning up the music loud and then saying things about that isn’t true.
My best friend is making me feel like I’m such an asshole. I feel disrespected, but I kinda feel unjustified now :(
TLDR: family of my best friends came to my house drunk and ready to party; I was not in party mood so went upstairs. They had music up loud, I came downstairs to tell them to turn it down in the nicest way I could, they obliged. They eventually left and told other people I told them aggressively and rudely to turn music down. I had a few choice words about his family for telling people things that weren’t true about me. Best friend told me I’m an asshole for being so mean about his family. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
5633eE7K8xIgR69tO7kFrmnUrTC1TeH6 | atiw36 | {
"description": "saying that \"fat acceptance\" is endorsement of health risks",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for saying that "fat acceptance" is endorsement of health risks? | Please hear me out before you start! And of course the usual apology for any mistakes/misunderstandings, English ain't my first language.
So am I the Asshole for saying that "body positivity" or "fat acceptance" is nothing worth endorsing? I'm currently working in a hospital on a orthopedic and emergency surgery ward as a intern before I go on and study medicine. I have seen a lot of the consequences of being overweight. The joints are giving in and a whole plethora of illnesses are accompanieng it.
But not only this. I myself have already sustained some minor issues with my back, due to the sheer weight of some patients. We sometimes have to shift them around in their beds, if they can't do it themselves (oftentimes because their legs hurt so much and are a little weak after surgery). And there are numerous people that are just so heavy. It's really tough on the backs of any nurse.
A few years back, the hospital needed to order new beds because the old ones were not able to support the weight of some patients. And the stories of the paramedics are sometimes harrowing as well.
So am I an Asshole just for saying that obesity is not something to view as pretty or good? I mean it is a huge health risk, that is linked to a number of heart problems and even cancer. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
nPgGXDMJNbhcStVtnZxRhmUyA2r1CWif | ayuhfj | {
"description": "filing a complaint against a theater for (what I see as) discriminatory practices",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for filing a complaint against a theater for (what I see as) discriminatory practices? | Background: I take improv classes at a smaller-sized improv theater in a west coast city. Much like the surrounding community, the theater is pretty progressive, taking pride in inclusivity and remaining us that we are welcome with those little all are welcome signs. So it’s pretty cool to have a lot of different backgrounds. My class itself has about 35 participants and is pretty awesomely diverse.
Fast forward to last Saturday. We were finishing up a class when the instructor announced that an hour after the class, the POC team showcase would begin. A few times a month the theater has open showcases where students and visitors can participate in improv. There’s one for POC, women/femme, LGBT, and then the all open showcase that anyone can participate in.
Some of us were interested in attending (since participating was limited to just POC and everyone respected that) and a girl (who happened to be white) inquired about ticket prices. Our instructor seemed a bit surprised and said that the show was *only* for POC. She could visit the women’s showcase, all open showcase, or LGBTQ showcase if she fell in that category.
That struck me a bit because I couldn’t attend any of them besides the open showcase (which I’ve seen often). I get that being a straight white dude doesn’t carry leverage in the topic of discrimination, I really do. It just sucks because I wanted to support some of my classmates who were going to take part in the showcase and hear some insight from different backgrounds (and some comedy!).
The theater’s director of diversity was there, and reiterated those points, so I assumed that the theater’s director likely also upholds those rules. What confused me even more is that they sell tickets to these showcases to the public in-house.
I guess it would be almost intrusive to view the POC showcase, but I’m also afraid to voice my grievences to my instructor; I have no idea how to approach it without being ostracized or kicked out of the classes (which I paid for).
WIBTA to write a complaint to the theater regarding their practices? The difficult thing is everything said was verbal, so there’s no record of them saying that. I really love the shows that come through there, but I’m pretty saddened and still in some disbelief they can blatantly discriminate like that. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
WZUR7qjoOxi8Jks9h0erUJ5G7CjClSXs | b3mutb | {
"description": "changing my mind about having children",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for changing my mind about having children? | First post ever even though I’ve been on Reddit for a few years so please bare with me, also on my cell. To start, I’ve always wanted children, but in my family it’s apparently your “greatest accomplishment”. Background info: I’m the first female in my family to not have a child by 18. I’m a 33F have 1 kidney which is a transplant and 1 of my own that doesn’t function. Had a stillborn at 25. I’m raising my 16 year old niece for the last few years. I’ve recently decided not to have children of my own. My family doesn’t agree because it’s something I’ve always wanted and that’s not how they live there lives. Our family is based around the family and everyone having children and growing the family. I only have one cousin (few years younger) that doesn’t have children. If I had a child I would be in bed rest the entire pregnancy, so I wouldn’t be able to work to support my niece and I. After dealing with everything with my niece (who I love immensely and wouldn’t change having her for anything) and everything else involved, ex changing anti rejection meds until we find one that works for me & that wouldn’t harm a fetus. I’ve decided once she graduates I’d like to live the rest of my life doing things I enjoy & things I’ve always wanted to do. I’m not willing to do dialysis or go on the transplant list again (waited 5 years for this one). I don’t want to leave a child without a mother and doctors can’t guarantee I’d survive to raise a child if I choose to have one. My family is extremely unhappy with me & thinks it’s my boyfriend filling my head with bad possibilities (he’s never wanted children of his own but is great with my niece). AITA or selfish about deciding not to have children even though it’s something I’ve always wanted and still partly do, but terrified of trying? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
i24Jg7aGRWJmCvr6GBBVTEV4uW8JqyqO | b0rn4x | {
"description": "not quitting smoking weed just because my husband has to",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I didn’t quit smoking weed just because my husband has to? | My husband (19) just got a new job with the state and has to quit smoking weed for a whole year to get all his certifications. I (21) got him the job after begging him to get a job for our entire relationship. I wrote his resume and pretty much applied to the job for him. I quit smoking weed with him last year when he finally started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. The psychiatrist had him quit to see how it affected his mood and mental health. He was doing great and then started smoking again after a few months claiming he was better now and wanted to smoke. I didn’t smoke at all during that time because he needed the support. (Side note: we don’t live together, live 2 hours apart and only see each other every weekend or every other weekend. This is important because we don’t spend a lot of time together.)
So now, he got the job, and I also just got a new job that’ll further my career. My job is taking care of the elderly (CNA). So I spend all day getting screamed at by dementia patients and *literally* shit on.
My husband says he needs me to quit because he needs to quit and can’t have people around him smoking because it’ll just tempt him. I said I’d stop smoking around him and will hide all my weed/bong stuff when he comes over. He said no, I need to quit completely the whole time he has to quit. Claims it’s to better myself and himself. But I’ve given up so much of the things I enjoy for him to be happy and feel secure. I don’t hang out with anyone except my sister and all we do is watch tv and smoke weed in bed. We’ll be doing that even when a legit party is going on in the living room. I quit drinking, going out, drugs, raving, I can’t do anything without being heavily questioned, if I mention a new friend he gets suspicious. I on the other hand constantly encourage him to go hang out with friends (which he does every night), go to raves, do whatever if it’ll make him happy. But he doesn’t support me the same way. I’d like to just come home after a 8-16 hour shift of bathing and feeding old folks and smoke a bowl.
I know it’s just weed but to me it’s more than just weed. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iz32tepkRr0WiFVHhey8OP7cQ1uToRe1 | am75le | {
"description": "not wanting to go out with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I don't want to go out with my friends | Just for some background I'm 18 and I'm at uni, I'd consider myself as an introvert but I have a few friends and I enjoy having a laugh and chilling out with people, I have three roommates, all of whom I see and chat to throughout the day quite frequently and I get along with them quite well.
The issue I have is that on a typical evening all of my roommates will go to the pub for a drink, personally I don't drink, I've tried going out drinking before and ultimately it just kind of made me feel really uncomfortable so I've really never had a reason to go and do it again. By no means am I against drinking though, everyone should be able to spend their evening doing something they enjoy imo.
My roommates quite frequently ask me during the day if I'm 'coming out for a pint later' I always respectfully decline and I usually spend the evening by myself, I'd love to go and try socialising in any other scenario but going out drinking seems to be the norm and it's just not my thing, even just having a soft drink from going out before I feel pressured to drink alchohol.
Am I being an antisocial asshole for not going out with them? Is it selfish to prioritize having non stressful free time over spending time with my friends?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LqRLq4YkjDj4PAw155IP7mgGDq1kinMX | at26rs | {
"description": "wanting an apology",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting an apology? | My boyfriend (25) and I are going through a rough time financially right now. However the past few months have been garbage. He didn’t do anything for Christmas, my birthday, or Valentine’s day. Not even a card. I’m mad about this because he had the money to buy a coworker a $50 secret Santa gift card. He spends money at bars - and he says it is “me time” but then we don’t get to do things like buy groceries or do laundry. I made him a Christmas and Valentine’s day card and painted him a picture of his recently deceased cockatiel for Christmas. I used an amazon gift card money and bought him a valentines gift. I did these things because I care and I want to show him that even though it is hard right now I still love him. I found free things to do tomorrow and told him a week in advance what they were and that I’m excited for our late Valentine’s Day. The past two nights he has spent a load of money at some bar he won’t tell me the name of and hasn’t shown up until 5am, drunk as shit. I told him tonight I didn’t want him to show up at 5am again and that we haven’t spent time together and I’d like to do that tonight. He said he would come home earlier. He showed up at 6am and when I asked for an apology he said no. He said if I didn’t drop it that we were going to fight which seems like emotional manipulation to me because I didn’t want to fight I just wanted to express how upset and hurt I was by his actions.
I’m angry, hurt, and feel undervalued and I couldn’t even get an apology for shitty behavior. But I still feel like the bad guy anyway. So, AITA or what cause I feel like I deserve a sorry at the very least, if not more. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 24,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2ghr0h7KoJUwg1Z9HUfLqVNWZRSM6zIh | avt2ue | {
"description": "not liking my partners suggested names for future children and naming things she doesn't like with those names, thus getting them removed from her awful shortlist",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for not liking my partners suggested names for future children and naming things she doesn't like with those names, thus getting them removed from her awful shortlist? | So, I've been with my girlfriend for 5 - 6 years. She is great, her spirit animal is a Honey Badger as she small and cute, then furiously aggressive with the capacity to terrify lions. Her main, minor fault is it is very difficult to get her to compromise as she is so strong willed with her convictions.
This often leads to us abandoning large plans such as weddings as my requirements don't meet hers, resulting in arguments and refusal.
At some point we may have some kids. I don't like some of her suggested names as they make no sense and often think they do not align with what I envisaged for the fruit of our loins.
Me: "Harrison? My name is not Harry. You got that from Dexter. Nope." She is adamant. She is furious and will not relent (Honeybadger).
She didn't like me referring to the cats litter tray as "Hopkins Shitbox" in front of other people, so I renamed it Harrison.
I named the new vacuum Harrison. I named my new shoes Harrison. I even managed to name a large piece of maritime equipment at work Harrison (which is now actually official).
This is a single example. I do it with other of the names I do not like as well and that has worked well so far.
I think she is very keen on Harrison and as expected is completely unwavering.
The potential kid may be named after a litter tray/specialised dredge pump. I don't like it.
Am I the asshole for using petty means to stop my girlfriend naming our potential kids names I don't like/agree with?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | WRONG |
cKVtFL9O9zfr9zK5t8edWUKHgfM6m0dp | aw178w | {
"description": "trying to help my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for trying to help my friend? | Two of my best friends recently broke up and both came to me for help and support. They both mean a lot so I try to help both, that was a mistake.
J= girl bestie N= boy bestie Me= Ne
N and I had been talking for a couple days, occasionally about the breakup with J. N never specifically told me to not tell anyone but I kept it in confidence until J started talking to me.
J was really broken up about N leaving her. She was so upset and angry and sad.. I felt really bad for her. She asked if I had talked to N lately and I said yes. After that she asked me how he was doing and if he was okay. She was worried about him because he cut ties with her in every way, but she still wanted to be friendly. I went along because- she’s one of my best friends I can’t abandon her.
After an hour N shoots me a text.
N: did you say anything to J? She says that you tell her everything.
Me: I was only talking to her about what happened. I’m just trying to help, she’s really sad.
N: I can’t believe you’d do that to me. Why would you do that?
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her anything super important. She was just really upset and I didn’t know what to do
N: I thought I could trust you. Why would you do this to me? Back to square one
N: F*ck this. I can’t believe it.
Me: I’m sorry! She’s asking what happened and I don’t know what to say. It’s also really hard to do just about anything when two of my best friends are fighting.
N: You don’t have to worry about me fighting with her anymore. I won’t be a burden anymore.
Me (at this point I’m freaking out bc he has depression): Dude. Stop. What’s happening?
N: I’m stressed, angry, upset, and I’m sad. I’m not you’re burden anymore don’t worry about me. Just do you’re thing.
Me: I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to hurt you, J was just so upset and I didn’t know what to do!
N: I don’t want to be bothered. I’m done. I can’t stomach the fact you did this.
Me: I’ll give you as much time as you need but please don’t cut me off.
N: Why, so you can just tell everyone what else I say? It takes a lot to make me f*cking cry. I’m sick of this situation. I’m just done.
Me: I’m sorry.
The whole conversation basically repeats itself until I tell him to breathe and N responded with “I’m done. I have no one to go to. I have no one I can trust.” Throughout this whole text extravaganza J is worried sick. She tells him to not hurt himself and he blocks her.
I texted to N that I was sorry and that I regret ever doing that to him and that I can’t apologize enough for what I did. He hasn’t replied. J says it’s not my fault and that she’ll make things right tomorrow at school. It hope what ever her plan is works.
So my question for you is, am I the asshole?
(Sorry for being such a long post, if I talked about J’s side more it’d be too long.) | HISTORICAL | {
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exeAou8JEtYOs0dyN0CLYiD2WF6VYNiH | ah5irr | {
"description": "getting upset none of my friends have been talking to me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting upset none of my friends have been talking to me? | So recently my parents (I'm only 15 btw) took my phone for like a month for reasons and that's really where I talk to all my friends obviously. However, I have my laptop and I can talk on Skype, Discord, etc. So I've been recently going through some tough times and have been expressing to my friends in school that I feel really alone and just tired with life atm and I've been asking some people to just like add me on Skype or something to talk cause they're my friends and I really need them. I have a few of my friends added now but they keep ignoring me or leaving me on open. I understand it's a little more difficult to text on Skype rather than SC but I was hoping that they'd maybe put more effort. It's making me upset cause whenever my friends need someone to talk to I'm always there no matter what.
​
AITA for being upset or should I accept that people have better things to do then figure out a way to talk to me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lBthOVoeqHCD0ADJAoofsTN2FCWJKTE4 | b5yg26 | {
"description": "not wanting to pay for my friends to use my netflix after having done so for a few years",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to pay for my friends to use my Netflix after having done so for a few years? | I am going to try to keep this brief, and if anyone has questions I’ll be glad to clarify.
Up until recently (the last month or so) I had been paying for Netflix‘s four screens and Ultra HD tier for a few years. During this time, two of my friends had also been using my account. Myself and one of them agreed it was not necessary for either of them to pay for their access because when we hung out, we’d always split costs on other things like food or drink or weed or whatever else. Netflix raised prices two, perhaps three times during this time. Most recently, Netflix’s price went up to $15.99 for the tier described above.
When this latest price hike occurred, I notified the friends who had been using the account that I would be downgrading in order to save money. As a result, they would no longer get Ultra HD quality, and it would only be shared among two screens and not the previous four. As an alternative, I asked for direct monetary compensation instead of the previously stated splitting of costs.
One of them took this rather harshly. They reminded me of the agreement to split the costs described above. To which I responded by stating that I wasn’t interested in splitting those costs anymore and that I would pay my way when it came to that.
I was accused by the upset party of throwing away the friendship after I suggested that I’d pay for my part in things that we would shared in the future.
I think I am NTA because I made my wants clear. As a result the friendship with the two individuals I’ve described has now ended. I am wondering if anything I have explained here colors me as TA.
I’m too emotionally invested in the predicament to be able to consider it objectively.
Thanks for reading. | HISTORICAL | {
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7yWjaOjMHiUlgpcEMvBuAGQgR4AXYucp | a3azau | null | AITA - Asked a friend's ex on a date. | For context, my friend "alex" and I are 30.
So I've been friends with my buddy, Alex, for a while now. Maybe 10 years. We've always been friends but we didn't really hang out that much until a mutual friend, Bill, moved away a few years back. After that I'd say he was one of my 10 closest friends.
He dated a girl, Kendra, for roughly two years and it ended about 14 months ago. Kendra ended it with him and Alex didn't take it well for a while. I had gone through a bit of a break up around the same time and we both confided in each other.
I met Kendra through Bill, our mutual friend who moved away. We knew each other before she and Alex dated but I didn't really become good friends with Kendra until they started dating. That said, If he hadn't asked her out first I was 100% going to. They ended up getting together and, besides an occasional passing attraction to her that was easily squashed, everything was great in the friend group. However, we were friends outside the context of their relationship i.e. we'd talk and hang out with mutual friends even if Alex wasnt around.
In the year since they broke up, Alex had a brief one or two month fling with a mutual friend. After this he dated another mutual friend for about 3 months. Recently, he had a month long fling with one of Kendra's estranged friends. Kendra and this girl were good friends and had a feud recently which has caused them to no longer speak. He also had a one night stand with a girl from a bar. I felt it was necessary to the story to know he'd been actively dating since the breakup, and not just moping over Kendra.
Some context for how I ended up asking Kendra out... we reconnected over Thanksgiving just through small talk. She asked if I had plans for the rivalry game that is big in my area. Since my house is well known as the usual gathering spot, I said I had no plans but figured people would show up and said she'd be more than welcome to join. Two days later, the day of the game, she asks if I was still doing something. I said no one I knew of was coming over and ixd probably just watch until it got ugly. She replied that she didn't really care and just wanted to get out for a while. Honestly, this felt a little flimsy considering it's a 45 minute drive from her place and this is the first time I saw her since August, over 3 months before. But she came down with no hesitation. For most of the game my roommate was present and some mutual friends stopped by as well. We were alone for roughly 20 minutes while my roommate was out at the store. Also, she hadn't eaten so we made a fast food run together. I didn't feel this would be viewed as inappropriate by Alex. All in all, we had a great time catching up. We laughed about old times and reminisced about past adventures. It just felt like nothing had changed and we went right back to being good friends.
Later that night, when we were alone, she asked me to go with her on a day trip to Asheville which is about 2 hours from my town. So far as I know I'm the only one she had asked. I said no as I though this may upset alex. I don't believe this was intended as anything other than friendly. But in two days Kendra had driven down to watch the game with only me (so far as she knew) and asked me to accompany her to Asheville, who's tourist slogan is "Asheville is for lovers." So I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider the possibility she was hinting at something or even asking me out directly.
As the next day comes and goes I see snapchats that she did go, with another mutual friend of Alex and myself. At this point I got to thinking that I really wished I had gone. I panicked a little at the thought of missing an opportunity with Kendra. At this time I started planning to take her to our mutual team's championship game the following weekend. I was fairly sure she would accept considering we talked about how she had never been to a game and really wanted to go.
Before I went through with this plan I wanted to ask the opinion of our long time mutual friend, Bill, and another mutual friend, Tyler, who's opinion I trust. Both said they thought I should go for it and they wouldn't blame me. Although, our close mutual friend did say Alex would defintely be mad, but that Alex had made advances on one of his ex girlfriends. And if he had been in my position he would definitely go for it.
So I went for it on Monday. I did know I wanted to tell Alex the truth, but I didn't call him specifically to tell him the situation. I asked her and she was very excited as was I. Once she got work off (tuesday) and confirmed we were going she asked how much tickets were and if anyone else was going. I told her I intended it to be my treat and that it was just us (which I though was a pretty clear message it was a date). She said nothing negative and we just gushed about how excited we were.
Thursday night we are texting and she asks me if it was a date. I told her that was my intention. She responded:
"I love hanging out with you, I think you're awesome!!! You are smart, adventurous, funny, and considerate. It's just super weird because you are best friends with my ex, who I'm pretty sure still has feelings for me. I can't do that. I feel like it's kind of fucked up and I don't want to come in between y'all."
I need to point out here that when I had my closest friend read that message he said "best friend? Did you know about that?"
I told her I understood completely and had really struggled with deciding whether or not to ask. With that in mind we decided to go to the game anyways, on the understanding it was just as friends.
The day of the game Alex sends me a text asking what I am doing that day (this is the first time we've talked since before Thanksgiving when I reconnected with his ex). I was straight forward and told him I was going to the game with our mutual friend (one who's opinion I asked), his girlfriend, and Kendra. He said "Kendra? Kinda random... how'd that happen?" I told him the brief story, including that I had asked her as a date, but after talking we decided it was best we just go as friends.
I tried explaining and responding as well as I could. I called him the next day but he was with family so we couldn't talk. The next day he picked up and I went over to discuss it with him to try and clear the air.
He was more hurt than I expected. I knew it wouldn't be easy to come to terms with but I thought 14 months and 3 flings later it wouldn't be anything that jeopardized a friendship. Nevertheless, he seemed pretty hurt and I don't know what will happen from here. I'm torn up about it. One minute I'll feel so ashamed and guilty. But the more I think about it the less I think my actions were so terrible given the context.
Thanks for reading! I hope my ramblings were at least enjoyable to read. This is the most dramatic or controversial thing I've done in my living memory and I'm losing my mind a little. Even typing it out was therapeutic but I'd love opinions. I'd rather clearly be the asshole than be drowning in confusion. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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JjMOxYAqaM2fGSkgoUoRJtrOwOfuQOtk | al5bky | {
"description": "getting upset I was rejected for being fat",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting upset I was rejected for being fat? | I work at Trader Joe’s. I’m pretty new there, I just came on as a cashier and I love it. The pay is great and my coworkers are friendly. Yet, I had an experience yesterday that upset me a lot, and I wanted Reddit’s take.
A guy came in towards the end of my shift on Saturday. Immediately, we exchanged looks. I kept catching his eye as he moved throughout the store, the glances seemed more than coincidence. When he checked out he came through my line, instead of choosing a less crowded one. I chatted with the other customers and finally started ringing up his stuff, we bantered and smiled and everything seemed like it was going great. I asked him if he had a girlfriend by chance. Here’s the kicker. He responds:
“Sorry, I don’t date fat girls.”
I’ve had weight issues my whole life. Last year I started keto and lost over 50 lbs, currently I’m 145 lbs and 5’6”. I’m not a twig, but I don’t consider myself to be fat either.
Am I an asshole for being bitter about this? I understand weight is a preference for some people, but I can’t help but feel it’s unfeeling and insensitive. I’m not unattractive, I know that much to be true. Maybe I’m terrible for getting upset about this, but I feel truly hurt and at the lowest point I’ve felt since I started my weight loss. Is it really that easy to be labeled fat after all the way I’ve come? AITA for being angry he rejected me on the basis of weight alone?
TL;DR: Guy at Trader Joe’s rejects me for being fat. AITA for thinking it’s shallow and rude? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"RIGHT": 13,
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eAqhDl8FKr7bVAVCc4oK0DJu7HztNNzg | 9wsoc3 | {
"description": "wanting to ignore/barely speak to someone who has lied to me for over a year",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to ignore/barely speak to someone who has lied to me for over a year? | This is going to be long, so TL;DR at the bottom.
My wife has a friend who we'll call Karen for the sake of this post. Karen is involved in a hobby with my wife and I, along with several dozen other people who we are friends or at least acquainted with.
About a year ago, my wife started crushing hard on Karen, who we had known for about 6mos at that point. I'm fine with this (don't judge) and despite my serious reservations (which I voiced), my wife decided to pursue a FWB relationship. 2 months after that, I also got involved and things were going fairly well for quite a while.
It turned pretty "date"-y and we were mostly fine with that, Karen sometimes got a little freaked and would back away, then would come back and get right back into it. She called herself part of our family, we gave her a key to our house, and we even let her stay with us sometimes when her home life got too nuts. Her 3 cats also lived with us for several months due to a sudden living situation upheaval, one of which is still in my house to this day.
Over the summer, Karen got a little weird and I chalked it up to her just not being interested anymore. We stopped sleeping together and while my wife and I were bummed, our friendships with Karen continued. I've never been as close to her as my wife, which is totally fine, and in August they had a pretty big fight. My wife told me, at the time, that she'd called Karen out for being selfish and not a great friend (which is all true and backed by copious amounts of evidence). It was hard seeing my wife so upset by this fight and I supported her best I could.
In the interim, my wife and I were also fighting a lot about some separate things, but we settled down and got back to our happy marriage.
About 3 weeks ago, while on a day date with my wife, she tells me that she's been lying to me about Karen and the fight they had. Evidently, Karen has been seeing someone since BEFORE she and my wife started their FWB and she finally told my wife the truth in August. Let it be known that we are not upset she was dating, we are upset specifically because she lied about a huge part of her life for over a year, all while calling us family, talking about getting a dog with us, having us look after her cats, and being repeatedly, pointedly asked by my wife what was going on because she could tell.
She lied, to our faces, for her own comfort. We are also loosely friends with this man and now I'm questioning his moral compass as well. I, personally, am feeling very "done" with Karen, but I'm trying to respect that my wife is not done. This is her best friend and while she says their relationship will never be what it was (ie. very emotionally close, as best friends should be), she still wants to be her best friend and doesn't want to lose that.
I feel very taken advantage of. I have a lot of body image issues and I have not kissed anyone or let anyone see me nude since I met my wife, over 7 years ago. This was a very big step for me and Karen was aware of how vulnerable I was being with her.
As a result, I don't particularly want to see Karen, talk with Karen, or even really think about Karen at all. She lied to my face, coaxed my wife into lying to me for 3 months (and yes, my wife is in trouble for her part in that), and the fact that she has still not apologized, even once. Certainly not with any sincerity, despite many opportunities.
Am I the asshole for wanting to literally ignore her in social situations when we're forced together and barely speaking to her when we are together? We have a large group of mutual friends and still see each other at hobby events (weekly) and at parties and such. Should I fake it to get through? It feels like she continues to get away with treating people like this because no one actually takes her to task over being, quite honestly, a cunt.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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Q6mg2tCSJMX9BV89AOmWJSq1oK8G0VXq | aw98qm | {
"description": "trying to save a dog",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to save a dog? | This isn’t one of those validation posts, though the title may seem that way. I’m being accused by my now ex of being the asshole.
Yesterday was my birthday, so my boyfriend picked me up to go out to eat when he got off work. We noticed two dogs on the side of the road, wearing collars/tags, and I insisted we stop and try to save them, though he did not want to. I got out of the car and was walking toward them, when two men on bicycles came from the other direction, so the dogs ran across the road, and one was hit by a car. We managed to get the dog out of the road, and I asked my boyfriend if we could take the dog to the emergency vet. He agreed, unfortunately the dog died on the way.
He subsequently was upset because he was worried about the interior of his car, which I did offer to have professionally cleaned. As I sat there crying, clearly very upset, and said that had I not stopped, the dogs wouldn’t have crossed the road and died, he just said, “probably.” No words of comfort. Though I do believe it was my fault, I was still traumatized. Had he been upset and crying, even if I disagreed about why, I’d try to comfort him. He took me to a bar after, though I just wanted to go home, and freaked out when he finished his drink and I asked him to take me home. I got out of his car and shut the door harder than I intended (100% my fault) and said I’d talk to him the next day. He peeled out, and I was worried he’d get hurt driving like a maniac. I asked him to let me know when he got home, and one hour later with no message, I kept calling and then got sent to voicemail. At least then I knew he was alive and not in a ditch somewhere. Either way, I sent a text breaking up with him, because he had been a complete jerk and then didn’t let me know he was home safe (I’d also like to point out, I’m not asking if I’m the asshole about the breakup. I shouldn’t have done it the way I did, that definitely makes me an asshole. But it’s also been coming for a few months. Every single person in my life told me they didn’t feel he was right for me, and this was just the last straw for me. We definitely had other issues, both his fault and mine. We just aren’t right for one another.)
At the end of this, I think he’s an asshole because he cared more about his cars interior than the life of the dog, and treated me like I was the asshole for not caring about his car. Also for not letting me know and sending me to voicemail when I wanted to know he was home safe. And I will admit, I was upset and not looking at it from his perspective, which is why I had wanted to talk about it the next day, when we were both calmer. And he thinks I’m the asshole because he can’t really afford his car and wants to get rid of it as soon as he can, and the dog could have damaged his interior (which he did not I mention before we put the dog in the car, and the interior was not damaged, as the dog was not bleeding.)
So, Reddit, AITA, or is he? | HISTORICAL | {
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3vDdnvk3I9v6okikwzVY6trYhp0TI2Jv | aljpna | {
"description": "wanting my friend to follow through with their promise",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my friend to follow through with their promise? | After I moved to a small town I was stalked by a person I didn't know, she became obsessed with me and even broke into my home at one point. (I wasn't home and she didn't take anything) Because of this I did not feel safe in this town so I left. I left rather quickly and on the night before I left I discovered a library book I had failed to return. My friend volunteered to return it for me. I agreed as it was late and I did not want to stop at the library on my way to the airport in the morning.
Fast forward four months: I had kept in contact with this friend, we talked once or twice a week. I had asked once, about a week after I left it she had returned the book and she said she would soon. I dropped it figuring she would take care of it. Then, last week, I got a bill from the library totalling $90 dollars.
I was shocked and called her, I at first thought my friend had dropped it off and they failed to properly scan it back into the system. I was wrong. My friend had never returned it. I asked her if she could, if not I said, I could have my sibling who lived in the same town pick it up from her and drop it off. My friend said they could drop it off, it had just skipped her mind. Then she asked if I wanted help paying the bill, money was tight for this person so I said if they wanted to pay half it would be greatly appreciated.
Keep in mind, this person volunteered to return the book in the first place, and asked if I wanted help paying.
I sent her a text a few minutes after our phone conversation to thank her for helping pay the fee. It didn't go through, she blocked me. She also blocked me on sc, insta, and messenger.
It's been a week and she still hasn't returned the book.
Am I the asshole here?? Did I somehow overstep myself? | HISTORICAL | {
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BBpaLbDn3W0pTUNbBQeKHRvdIaXps8bK | agh26c | {
"description": "telling my boss not to hire someone full time because he smells",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my boss not to hire someone full time because he smells? | This new guy started a few weeks ago at the coffee place i am working. Hes super nice with all the customers, making small talk whenever possible but sometimes i get the feeling he comes to work without taking a shower. My boss asked the old staff yesterday if we thought he would be a good fit so he could offer him a contract. I told him sometimes he smelled and today he sat down with him to tell him he wasnt gonna stay.
AITA for telling the truth? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
EDMZfTPCeGL6LcE331JmdFSRnPXRgTV3 | b45zix | {
"description": "wanting to be friends with an old love interest",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for wanting to be friends with an old love interest? | When I (M) was in highschool and college, I had a friend named H (F). We met in grade 9 and immediately clicked. Our friendship was never romantic, as both of us were in relationships pretty much throughout our friendships. We were best friends, more than I could think best friends could possibly be. I think on both sides there was definitely some romantic interest, verified by our last day together at the end of college having an exchange of "I love you"s and reminiscing on what could have been.
H was a dramatic arts major in college and I was in literature. This was before Facebook, early 2000s when we parted ways. H ended up leaving to another city and I stuck around. I told myself it couldn't work because H's work entails constant travel and I already had a position as a highschool teacher (which are exceedingly hard to get, so I couldn't budge). At the time I thought it'd be best we parted ways. It had to anyways due to our arrangements, but I didn't want to pursue anything or feel like I should pursue anything because our lives are incompatible from an employment perspective.
I'd be lying if I didn't follow H around on Facebook when it became a thing. She traveled the world, was in several stage productions across the country. She remained single, though, not completely out of the ordinary considering it's hard to keep a relationship if you travel like that. I ended up getting married to a coworker: my wife and I now have two kids (13F, 10F). I love my wife more than anyone in the world, she completes me in ways I couldn't describe.
It turns out H retired last year and returned home. I immediately added her as a friend and we reconnected through Facebook. I mentioned this all to my wife and she was not a happy camper about it. I'm going to cede to my wife's wishes, so I told H things have changed too much and we couldn't be friends, and that was that.
Until four days ago when she sent me a letter. She just wanted to be friends and not impede in my marriage, and I believe her. My wife exploded at this, though, saying because there was some chemistry in the past between H and I, it's a slippery slope to cheating. She said cheating is opportunistic and once I met her in person, I couldn't stop myself. I told her she's a lunatic and she can't control my friendships. But at the same time, I wonder about what she said and wonder if I could even have a healthy friendship with H anyways.
Some hard facts: if I wasn't married, I would pursue H. Even if I was in a relationship, I would jump ship and pursue H. But I am completely devoted to my wife and would not ruin my family over anything. Family comes first. H was my best friend before we parted ways and I would love to have that friendship back.
AITA for wanting to be friends with an old romantic interest? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
CBAFnmS7o3s8WbPfSE8CrZlx5cBhytS3 | 9vmbb9 | {
"description": "telling my friends their puppy isn't allowed over",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friends their puppy isn't allowed over? | My friends got a puppy. She was infested with fleas from day 1. I don't want fleas in my home or my pets to be infected with something, so I said 'can you wait until the all clear from the vet'? No problem. They got the all clear and started leaving the puppy with me to babysit or to hang out.
I start to notice that sometimes my animals are showing signs of bugs, even though they're treated. I am also covered in bites. The itching happens only after the puppy is over and lasts a few days. I check the dog, and she's covered in bugs. I ended up finding out that she's never been tested or treated for any parasites! I've now said the dog is no longer allowed over at all. They think i'm over reacting and have stopped coming over. A neighbor sided with them saying "if your pets are medicated and vaccinated, what's the problem?" Am I being an asshole about this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DK96H71tC3jfSd9QMu3fFKRdhUzWXpyt | b3kw2s | {
"description": "wanting to attend master's graduation ceremony",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to attend master's graduation ceremony | Me: Married, 2 elementary age kids, working almost full-time (you know the deal when you bump down your hours pay wise, but end up working close to full-time anyway), full course load for online master's degree from a Big Ten school, help take care of an elderly family member.
Issue: I expressed to to my husband that I'd like to walk at my graduation ceremony next year. He basically said this was silly because 1) it's a master's and you've already walked for your undergrad 2) it's an online program. Not gonna lie...I'm more hurt than pissed, said as much and I don't think he cares since he's downstairs playing a computer game. My thoughts are that this is a big deal to me because I've worked hard and juggle several things each day while he primarily goes to work and then back home. I also think it would be good for our kids to see because they see me studying and know that we're not taking trips this year due to my school schedule. Seeing the 'pomp and circumstance' may positively motivate them as they get older. The graduation will be several states away, but money and travel time is not an issue.
Am I making more out of this graduation ceremony than is warranted? Is attending the ceremony really not that big of a deal? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2aVpBxQGTblOVgyo18c26NB7aXd6nM0W | b326g7 | {
"description": "making my wife walk home from the Grocery Store",
"pronormative_score": 50,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA For Making My Wife Walk Home From the Grocery Store | In every marriage there are these titantic struggles of right and wrong. In our marriage, this is but one of many. It's a tale that instantly enflames passions, and is the source of many snide remarks. Although this happened last summer, my lovely wife brought it up (again) recently and she wants the good people of AITA to render judgment.
Here's the story:
Last summer I was working from home and our kids were obviously at home doing kid stuff. It was morning time, and my wife had to run to the nearby grocery store to pick up something. I can't even remember what, but it was no more than three bags of things. Nothing particular heavy.
Anyway, my lovely wife has a habit of locking her keys in her car. Of course, she locks her keys in her car on this trip. To solve this dilemma, she called me to come pick her up. Now, let me set the scene properly. All three kids (ages 9, 5, and 5) were eating breakfast and I was writing emails. Things were happening. I get this call to come pick her up, and say something like "Uh, can you just walk home? The kids are eating breakfast and I'm working". Her response was "The store is less than two minutes away. Just pack them up and come get me."
Now, the store is really close. We can almost see it from our second story. It's less than half a mile as the crow flies. The walk is basically to cross two neighborhood streets, walk through an undeveloped field, a crosswalk intersection, and then you're in the store parking lot.
In my mind, walking home is kind of nice. It's not far, and it's not like she had a ton of stuff. Her reaction was. . . the opposite of that. She wanted to be picked up, I doubled down and said, "I don't want to pack up all the kids and stop what I'm doing. Either walk home or wait in the Starbucks for me to come get you. Give me like 20 or 30 minutes." She didn't take too kindly to that, and walked home - I think mostly to spite me.
So people. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 50,
"WRONG": 19
} | RIGHT |
KDxYiuEsVADtKczhSlszBf0mw7iF5puo | ba3t7z | {
"description": "telling my in laws that they can't stay with my so and I everytime they come to town",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I tell my in laws that they can't stay with my SO and I everytime they come to town? |
First let me start off by saying I love my in laws and get along with them pretty well but they just come to town excessively. They live approx 4 hours from us and when they come to stay they stay for a week or more at a time.
My BIL and his wife had a baby a year and a half ago and my in laws have visited once a month for a week or more at a time with their two large dogs since the birth.
This previously wasn't an issue has they had a second place to stay up here that they owned. However they are planning to sell it this year and still plan on visiting as often as they do.
My BIL used to have a spare room, but that is now the baby's room. My SO and I just bought our first house together and we made sure to have an extra room for visitors just in case. Well MIL has decided that it's HER room and has stated that she can't stay at BIL house because "shes to old to sleep on a couch".
There are other family members that live in our area that the SOs could stay with. And the BIL has offered to let them stay in his basement, but it's unfinished at the moment and would just be a box springs and a mattress not a room
My S.O feels as though he has some sort of obligation to allow his parents to stay with us all the time. I do not. I don't mind if they stay with us a few times a year but I'm not interested in giving up my spare bedroom to someone coming in town once a month for two weeks at a time every month. I don't care who you are. I want privacy and the ability to plan a vacation or make plans where I don't feel obligated to be home instead of hosting all the time. There have been a few situations where she has become passive aggressive about the fact that even though she's been in town every month for the past year we didn't make time to see her every day she was here. And I feel it would be even worse if she was staying with us.
AITA?
TLDR: in laws constantly come in to town and expect to always have a place to stay even though they are selling their house and don't seem to care about privacy or the fact that other people have lives outside of hosting guests.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7f7u7OauK33w2zXKV7nVcpEXasOGS5VS | alfqmq | {
"description": "leaving my fiancée while she was in rehab",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for leaving my fiancée while she was in rehab? | First time posting to Reddit, this is eating my soul and I need opinions.
Back story:
I was with my fiancee for 2 years (living together) and things were really great until the last few months we were together. I've never fallen so hard for someone or loved a woman this much, we clicked on every level. She started getting really depressed and sleeping a lot the last few months and I figured it was a phase because she hated her job and had some shitty life stuff going on. Once in the last weeks she started crying (she never, ever cries) and said she wished she was dead, stressed that she didn't want to kill herself and never would, just that she wished she was dead. I hugged her and suggested going to the gym would get her out of her funk, but really I didn't know how to handle it other than that and regrettably kind of just backed away and started to distance myself. The last day I saw her she was on the couch kind of staring into space and said "If I'm not here when you get home today, it's because I left to get help. I need help". I assumed she meant for the depression or other health stuff because she had basically stopped eating and had a lot of stomach and sleep problems so I didn't think much of it- she would make an appt with a Dr and be back later in the evening or whatever.
​
Three times over the past 6-8 months she also snapped on me out of nowhere at night, said some hurtful things and told me to "get the fuck out". Within minutes she would be loving again and forget she had said anything at all, and in the mornings she had zero recollection of these events. She apologized profusely and told me she had taken Ambien and that it makes people say crazy/aggressive things that they don't mean, but I feel like on some level she meant them and Ambien just revealed how she really felt. Every other minute of every day save for those 3 incidents, she was kind, supportive, loving... all around great. But those 3 times eat at me sometimes.
​
I was not aware that she began drinking in those last months. She had never been a big drinker, she disliked bars, didn't like the taste of most alcohol. I don't know if the depression led to her drinking, or drinking caused the depression or what. But it was some hardcore alcoholic behavior like buying bottles of vodka and drinking them alone at night after I went to bed. I had **NO** idea. She's a really intelligent girl and this was some upper-level evil genius type ability to hide her problem.
​
So I come home from running errands and she is gone. No big deal, figure she'll be back in a few hours. It turns to night and I begin to worry. I start looking through the house to see if she packed an overnight bag and that's when I find an empty bottle of vodka in one of her drawers and an empty Smirnoff Ice (lol) bottle under the bed. I am fucking pissed because I know she's not a big drinker, so she must have had people over and drank with them. I assume a guy, one of her male friends is an alcoholic and I've always been suspicious of him. Not for any real reason, I just thought of him first and got angry and started packing a bag for ME to leave but decide to stay the night in our house after all. The next morning I get a call from a rehab center saying that my girlfriend checked herself in the previous afternoon and they took her cell phone, she was so bad off they brought her to the nearest hospital to detox because they were worried about seizures blah blah blah. She is going back to the rehab center after that for a 30 day treatment and she will call me when she's physically able but that "she wants me to know she loves me and is so sorry and realized she had a problem and needed to leave right then to get help before she changed her mind". Whatever.
​
So I am fucking floored... but some of the stuff from the last few months makes sense now and at least I know she wasn't fucking around on me. She's just a closet alcoholic (just, haha). It is such a huge betrayal of trust that I snap and make plans to move out. Get an apartment across town, move out, refuse all her calls from rehab, I'm fucking done with her. Let her come home to an empty house and see how it feels.
​
Then I start to regret my decision because who leaves the love of their life while they're in rehab, when they recognized they had a problem and got help?? I can't break my new lease (well maybe I could have but I didn't want to, still angry and confused) but I decide to visit her a few days before she gets out of rehab to tell her I had broken up with her and moved out, because letting her come home to an empty house with no warning was a dick move. She cried a ton and explained what led her to where she was, asked to work on things, etc. Which I considered because I really love this girl and to be honest I'm still considering it 4 months later. But I've only seen her in person a few times since then (2 hour long talks twice and once we just hung out) and have kind of cut contact save for cordial texts. She's doing well and staying sober, she's always been pretty strong and independent and I honestly believe the alcohol thing was a fluke tied to depression and she will be OK on the not drinking thing in the future, but she lost her job and can't afford the old house on her own so she's now unemployed and broke (rehab is expensive, yo). I feel badly about not being there for her for all of this and might want her back one day but the trust is just *destroyed*. And I feel so guilty about leaving her while she was in rehab/after she got out instead of being supportive but for fucks sake I would have been all that if she TOLD ME SHE HAD A PROBLEM instead of simply disappearing one day.
​
Just need some opinions on whether I'm the asshole here or nah.
​
**TLDR; Fiancee whom I love had a closet drinking problem and checked herself into rehab, I break up with her and move out before she gets home and I have pretty much abandoned her since then. Am I scum?** | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
YahR6Qu1dQYXj3hkfjR2wOzkHw6YlNzn | b6jzhv | {
"description": "not showing up to work cause of a shift I couldnt take",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not showing up to work cause of a shift i couldnt take? | Background info: I work at a supermarket and recently our boss asked all of us (workers under 18) if we were going on vacation and therefore needed shifts taken. And since I was going on vacation, but didn't it didn't interfere with my shifts, I said no.
(Im only supposed to work on Sundays)
So my boss gave me 3 shifts while I'm supposed to be out of town.
I told her I couldn't take the shifts cause I was out of town.
She replied: "It's Easter and we're open, make someone take it"
So I responded "So I'm in control of 3 shifts which I didn't ask for, or agree to take, which also is out of the time period we agreed on when I got the job?"
So, would I be the a-hole if people can't take the shift, and I'm out of town and therefore unavailable to work?
(Sorry bad english)
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BOj4cD0ACHbtdAscrIBJwbUlNjJRaE0m | atoise | {
"description": "withdrawing my offer on a house with ine real estate, and offering it to another real estate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for withdrawing my offer on a house with ine real estate, and offering it to another real estate? | The house I'm looking at is currently being dealt with by two real estates because it's in the middle of being transfered from one real estate to another.
We put in an offer of $256k to the new real estate, but they fucked up and offered $265k, which I didn't find out till this morning. They didn't offer to change the offer, but said another family is offering $260k and we could put in $261k to beat them. A few things stand out here, they're not meant to tell us another party's offer, and they stated the reason for the stuff up was that the OWNER of the real estate put in the offer, not the agent we had been dealing with.
Since dealing with this real estate, I've had bad vibes. They took us through the house before they had full control of the house, and didn't even have a contract made up. They asked us not to go to the open house today run by the old real estate because they didn't want to lose the sale. To me this all seems really shady, but typical for a real estate.
So, my question is, would I be the Asshole for making an offer to the rival real estate today? I'm even going to make a lower offer than what we have the original real estate. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1t6XSoonBHY8WAU5BFNouSPTpuq03MZ7 | awxgn9 | {
"description": "breaking up after my gf wanted a \"pause\" because she didn't know if she loved me or is still emotionally invested with her ex",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up after my gf wanted a “pause” because she didn’t know if she loved me or is still emotionally invested with her ex? | So I need some outside perspective here.
I (27/M) been seeing this girl (21/F) for a while, and everything was great. Today, out of the blue without warning she told me the relationship would progress to quickly, she was unsure if we did rush things and she still feels drawn towards her ex. Besides making our relationship official after 1 month, nothing feels rushed in my book. She didn’t move in, neither of us have met the other ones parents or anything like that.
It was her idea to make it public in the first place and she was the one who dropped the “I love you” first. I believe she should’ve checked her emotional state with her ex bf before suggesting being in a relationship.
I told her I’m not willing to sit on the sideline, waiting for her to make up her mind about which guy to be with, and I don’t want to be the second choice if her ex rejects her. I explained this to her, said my goodbyes and wished her well and deleted her number.
Some people might say I should’ve fought for her and maybe give her a chance to figure things out for herself
Reddit AITA here and did I overreact? Would a pause in such a scenario be justified?
Thank you! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NLQajbyEXvtB4sqy2u7rxIyLAY7A6ufE | awrozx | {
"description": "declining being Maid of Honour for my best friend of 25 years",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA If I declined being Maid of Honour for my best friend of 25 years? | My best friend is getting married and asked me to be her maid of honour. I think it's very sweet that she asked but I don't want to. I could, in theory, afford to, but it's not really something I believe in spending money on. She's very traditional and therefore expects the full monty of traditional wedding costs. If the shoe was on the other foot, it's not a cost I'd ever ask of others.
​
I also live on the other side of the country from her. The approximate budget would be around $4000 as she's requested that I make one trip out for any dress/shoes/accessory related stuff, plus a trip for the wedding itself. It includes paying for a cat sitter, cabs, bachelorette party, wedding gift, etc. Again, I could fairly easily cover that $4000 but part of that is because I'm much more financially frugal than she and most people are. I have a budget, I invest, etc. I live alone in an expensive west coast city and I still have more money left over at the end of the day than her two income household. I kind of resent the assumption she has that I'll just say yes "because obviously I have the money." But it's because I've been more responsible than her. Furthermore, she isn't owed the money.
​
But aside from the money, I am just not into any kind of event planning. Especially since I'm 3 time zones over from her. I can't deal with this kind of stuff at work - it'd be unprofessional - and by the time I get home from work it's too late to make phone calls to book various things.
​
That said, she's my best friend in the whole world and part of me thinks that I should just eat the $4k so that our friendship can continue. I don't think we'd \*not\* be friends if I declined, but the idea of her feeling unsupported by me really upsets me, too. I love her. She's family.
​
TL;DR My best friend (31F) asked me (31F) to be her MoH in a tradtional and expensive wedding. I don't want to spend the money nor put in the effort. These are not things I value. AITA for not sucking it up and just doing what my best friend wants? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
DiV48iZCSOIy2MSebTo3w4ofb7byDc6c | alf66l | {
"description": "deciding I'm no longer in love with my boyfriend and wanting to break up",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for deciding I'm no longer in love with my boyfriend and wanting to break up (we are both 18). | I am currently in my freshman year of college. Boyfriend is actually still in high school even though he's about 4 months older than me because he was held back a year. We have been dating for...7 months or so. Basically right before I went to college last summer if my math is right, that's 7 months.
I had always made it very known to him that I only wanted to do one year of school in my hometown to do cross classes with my local community college so I could get my math skills more up to par with university level math. He always told me that he was applying to schools, taking his ACTs and would apply wherever I wanted to go next year.
I found out like Friday that he has done literally nothing to get ready for college. He hasn't sent out a single application, he has not taken his ACTs. He is also failing two classes but says "its no problem because his teachers promise he'll pass."
So that was Friday. When I saw him Thursday, I told him that I loved him on Saturday I just woke up and decided I didn't love him and wanted to break up.
So I told him Saturday that I was no longer in love with him and I wanted to break up with him. He told me "literally it's impossible to tell someone you love them Thursday night and then want to break up Saturday and if it is possible you are such an asshole" (or why I am posting here). I told him that was really enough for me and I left his driveway.
Since Saturday he has either told me what an asshole or piece of shit I am or begged me to get back with him and promising that he'll change.
Maybe it's sort of mean to just decide I don't have affection for another person after 7 months but I don't know what else to do. I care about him as a person in that I don't want anything bad to happen but I in now way want to be involved with him as a boyfriend or friend.
Am I the asshole for this?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
G6I6DnypNRyQiVYISKXVG4hAY069vJf0 | b0am0p | {
"description": "wanting to have an abortion even though a family is offering to adopt",
"pronormative_score": 304,
"contranormative_score": 37
} | AITA for wanting to have an abortion even though a family is offering to adopt. | Okay. Throwaway account.
I am a 23 year old female. I have been in a relationship with 25m for over 5 years, living together for 2. A week ago, I found out that I was pregnant. Trust me when I say, we were being as safe as possible and it was a HUGE shock to us. We both talked and agreed that abortion is the best answer.
So, we made an appointment with the doctor. We have a mandatory reflection period after the first appointment and before the procedure. My next appointment is 3 days from today.
So, last friday, I started feeling overwhelmed at work and was kinda losing it in the bathroom when a coworker walked in. She is really sweet and one of the senior managers who helped me out a lot in the beginning. I spilled my beans and she was very comforting and calming me. But later that day, she asks me if I was willing to have the baby, so that she and her husband can adopt. Turns out both her and her husband have fertility issues and there was no way to get pregnant and they have been adopt for a long time now. She said she will help me with the pregnancy, help with the cost, put in a good word with boss at work so my career won't be affected etc etc.
I was really shocked and said I will think about it. After thinking about it over the weekend, I decided that I didn't wanna do this. I was already feeling too overwhelmed and I didn't want to carry a baby only to give him/her up. I don't think I can handle that.
So, on Monday, I went to her office and told her about my decision. As soon as I said no, she started crying and I just felt so guilty. Because she is a sweet person and would be a lovely mother. I kept trying to explain to her and she wasn't willing to listen and she kept telling me to get out. I thought she needed a moment and left. But after that, she refused to hear my apology or even listen to my reasoning. She was avoiding me all day. Some of my colleagues came to know about this and everyone was coming over to my desk to change my mind. I was almost breaking down and I kept saying no. Everyone thinks I am the asshole for preferring abortion when there is a good family willing to adopt.
Needless to say I was quite upset when I got home. When I told my bf about this, he didn't think I was the asshole but he did say this was a good idea and he would prefer this over abortion and he asked me to think about this for some more time and to postpone my appointment to Monday. But I said no, and that i am going to this appointment and that its final.
Then he got mad and said that I wasn't even willing to think about it and that was the least I could do. He was also mad that I wasn't even willing to take his advice and that the baby is also his. I just went to the study room and locked the door and didn't talk to him after that. And also, I took WFH today because I didn't want to face anyone right now. I haven't spoken to anyone since last night.
This whole week has been an emotional rollercoaster.
So, AITA?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 294,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 304,
"WRONG": 37
} | RIGHT |
SvvgZDLAiFYNd0oDJ1uQLjaPpptpwIcd | b1s0a4 | {
"description": "wanting my female friend to cover up",
"pronormative_score": 57,
"contranormative_score": 77
} | Aita for wanting my female friend to cover up | Hey guys I have a female friend who spends a lot of time at my house like almost everyday she eats here everyday, the thing is I don't live here alone its a company house and on weekends we all have lunch together, anyway she has gone natural full out to not using medics with chemicals to just using natural products , now she has decided to stop shaving her armpits, I find it absoultly gross no offence, its gotten to the point I hate looking at it, but its not my body so I can't make anyone do anything they don't want, today we will be having lunch with some family, the thing is she likes to use shirts with no sleeves I asked her if she could maybe use a t shirt or anything that covers up up her armpits in which she told me to she will not because natural hair is not disgusting so guys who's the a-hole here?
Tdlr-female friend refuses to wear t shirt or use clothing that will cover up her hairy armpits at lunch with family | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 71,
"OTHER": 47,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 57,
"WRONG": 77
} | WRONG |
zQcTVVlfVeeUWbHJUIUszO9gF5RLP17C | a8y98g | {
"description": "preferring to be alone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - For preferring to be alone? | I'm am almost 40yr old female and I have a large family. Most families have drama and I understand that. However, I'm at a point where I'm tired of it. No one cares about you unless they want something. We don't check on each other out of kindness. It's either them spreading gossip or trashing people. I don't have close friendships for the same reason. I know there are nice people out there somewhere but I'd rather be alone than deal with drama. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4DfKWfEVj7MjVcaQnrdarBypCxLJrPiX | 9z8l75 | {
"description": "letting an elderly gentleman with dementia think I'm his daughter",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I let an elderly gentleman with dementia think I’m his daughter? | Hi all,
I volunteer at an Aged Care Community once a week. There is a gentleman here who has Dementia and Alzheimer’s. He can be a become a bit aggressive towards people and doesn’t like sitting for too long etc.
The nurses here are absolutely fantastic at managing this, however for some reason whenever I’m around he calms down and will sit and talk to me. Sometimes I’ll approach him and talk to him, ask him for help with something and he calms right down and will sit with me for ages chatting about all different things.
Anyway, as one of the nurses pointed out one day, they speculate that it’s because I look and sound like his daughter. I didn’t think too much of it, but he repeatedly tells me he loves me (of course I say this back to him) but I don’t correct him when he calls me by her name, or when he asks about the family I always say they’re good etc.
I know that it might sound a bit trivial to some, however the place I volunteer at values honesty and integrity, it really is a great place to work. I’m conflicted because I think technically I’m lying by not correcting him, and that goes against everything I’ve ever been taught/do.
So what do you think guys?
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2oVTiMyZkpsJooKPjgYlbiTRlwPvjA2Z | b8ky5c | {
"description": "using library books instead of buying them from the bookstore",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for using library books instead of buying them from the bookstore? | Sorry I’m on mobile so if the format/grammar isn’t perfect my apologies.
I am a History/English major and as a result many of my required books are available in the library. You can renew a book up to 12 times from my University without having to return it as long as the book is not requested by another student. Some books I only need for a couple weeks but I will need them again later on in the semester for papers and such so I will renew them until I won’t need them at all.
One book in particular, a copy of Herodotus I need all semester so I have been just renewing it all semester. Others I have just been renewing because I may need them. I of course would return them if someone requested the book back (like I said if a book is checked out someone can request next dibs which would prevent me from renewing it). I do feel like maybe I’m taking advantage of the system and hogging resources. But it does save me about $300 a semester. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Dj0QutoWYfqrUiwtAV8iIcM0sYHDkQXC | b7i3hg | {
"description": "not speaking to my anti-vaxx sister",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not speaking to my anti-vaxx sister? | My sister told me she’s an anti-Vaxx maybe like 2 weeks ago and I haven’t been taking it good.
I’m so mad at her and I haven’t been talking to her since then, the first week she noticed and asked me why, I tried to keep my calm and told her I was worried about my nephews and I think that what she’s doing it’s dangerous.
She completely blew off on me and started telling me that she did her research and that I think she’s not taking good care of her children even tho she researches everything about what they eat, touch and all that stuff, she said that is a very stupid thing to be mad at her about but if that’s what I want to do then fine.
That made me even more mad and I didn’t even answered her anymore (we where talking by text) I couldn’t believe she got mad at me for being worried for her children but I guess she doesn’t see it that way.
Since then none of us have spoke to each other and my family is not happy about that, our other sister still talks to both of us as if nothing happened but I know she also thinks I’m in the wrong as well as my parents. They all say it’s her children and her decision and hopefully nothing happens to them but if it does then we’ll be there to support her.
Since everyone thinks I’m the asshole I’ve been thinking about making up with her but I can’t bring myself to do it just yet, I’m still so angry that my sister turned out to be a moron and I don’t think I’ll ever see her how I used to, she’s my big sister so I had a lot of respect for her.
TL;DR: I’m mad at my anti Vaxx sister and all of my family thinks I’m in the wrong because I stopped talking to her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6C4oZTiGPPP0qKMy654cN2VMeIM7bcwY | a7emjv | {
"description": "having my secodary school bullies beaten up by a tavern tug",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA If I would have my secodary school bullies beaten up by a tavern tug? | First things first, I am a pretty shy guy, 18/M , and lack of social skills(from my understanding).
My classmates bullying me from the second semester of the first year. This includes and specified at gay joking ( touch my junk, come in the shower when I am in, makes me the class's no 1. target of hatred and distrust, etc .) . I am tried to be friendly with them, but after some time, they found me and everything started again.
About the man. I met him at the tavern nearby. We spoke a lot, then he asked me about my school. I told him my problem, then we talked about it and offered me that he will threaten them to stop bullying me, and he was very serious about it.
He is the hit-before-ask type, and he respects and pities me in his way.
I have to be with them for 5 years and I have only left five months left with this bad company and their behaviour finally changed a little, but not that much. We tried to negotiate, but that didn't help.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
FwxKxCxDRL176Wsn8YLCRxx3zldWvIHs | af5ur5 | {
"description": "telling my parents they don't deserve to feel proud of me",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For telling my parents they don't deserve to feel proud of me | So to start off and keep things short. I'm born in the capital of a very well of Scandinavian country. My dad always lived abroad and called me on birthdays and visited maybe once a year so I never really knew him and still don't. I grew up with my mom, two younger sisters and an abusive step-father. At 16 I ran away from home, rented an unapproved flat in an industrial area of my city and worked part time at a restaurant along side college. With no financial help from either of my parents and almost no contact with my mother since she was still in love with her abusive husband. At 18 I dropped out of college. Fortunately I got a student loan to move abroad and study a trade. Again no help from my parents what so ever during that time.
​
Now at 24 I'm a co-owner of a semi successful company in my field, owner of a few apartments in my hometown and making almost 200k a year. I know that is really good and I'm so proud of myself.
Recently I've had heated arguments with both of them because I get mad when they say they are proud of me. I feel they don't deserve to feel proud of my achievements because they did not help me in any way to reach them. In fact they only made it harder for me.
Am I the asshole for feeling this way and telling them they don't deserve to be proud of me?
​
TL;DR: I feel my parents don't deserve to feel proud of my achievements because they only made them harder to reach for me. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
GtXUzlJP2dJEl0HovaOg3RmNlaQOXpjJ | afgja5 | {
"description": "being creeped out that the waiter found my number and texted me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being creeped out that the waiter found my number and texted me? | I made a dinner reservation for a group of 5 people tonight, and my friend who put the check on her credit card mistakenly thought gratuity was included because of the size of our party. None of us caught her mistake.
Fast forward about 20 minutes, I get a text from our waiter asking if the lack of tip was a mistake or if we did not like his service. (He must have gotten my number from the reservation system I used to book the table.) He politely asked if he could add a 20% tip in case it was a mistake. I apologized and said to add the tip, but I feel like this was weirdly out of bounds. I would have much preferred to be contacted by the management, or even the host.
Side note: he made several uncomfortable sexual jokes to a table full of women and all of us felt uncomfortable with his service, so the fact that he got my number makes me even more bothered. I feel like I want to contact management and say something, but that would just be to make myself feel better, so I probably won’t.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5tDdePmWZ9aI1BRO26v99IFaW9fRyLEU | ba9m9f | {
"description": "not going to a funeral",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I didnt go to a funeral? | Hey AITA! This isnt a new situation that just came up, rather one that happened a few weeks ago. Idky i thought of it randomly, but wanted to see how youd all weigh in since Im on the fence.
Another warning, this isnt about me directly, but rather something that happened between my mom and sister. Mom is M, sister is S. Mom is mid 40s, sister is mid-early 20s.
M was informed by her mother (my grandmother) that their live-in-friend (lived together, im unclear on their relationship since--for at least 20 some years--gma lived on the bottom floor and her friend lived on top but shed make him tea, cook the odd time and hed cook for her, hed drive her places, theyd smoke together, watch tv together, etc) had passed due to lung cancer. M passed along her condolences and that was that. Call done. M told S what had happened and S was upset, asked about the funeral and M told her that if she wanted to go, then she could call Gma herself and get the details as she, M, did not have them since she did not plan on attending.
S gets mad but leaves and gets the details for the funeral. S tells M and asks her if shell go now and, surprise surprise, M's decision hadnt changed in 36hrs (day and a bit idk the exact time frame) and said no. S gets mad and offended and asks if M will go to support her, and M again said no.
S and I knew the guy who passed away. Hed been very kind to us but 1, we havent seen him since we were 12 (so about 10 years ago). 2, when we did see him, it was once a year. Yes, he was nice and cool and awesome but there wasnt much to the bond (S confided in me that she was sad but not like devastated or anything and felt like she had to go because she knew him).
On the other hand, M did NOT know the guy who passed. She saw him even less than we did (2hrs top a year when she dropped us off to spend a week with him and Gma). He came into her moms (Gmas) life, AFTER her dad left Gma. M also does not get along with her side of the family. At all. She especially is not fond of her brother who, of course, was also giving M shit for not going along with his wife apparently. M also especially doesnt like her mother (Gma) who was pretty damn verbally abusive to M when growing up. I do not blame M for not wanting to go in the slightest.
S is.... tunnel visioned in things and just got more and more POed with M. I understand the need for support but like, if S needed it then she also could have asked me (early 20s,have comforted her at many a-funeral before) but she never did.
Tldr; S is claiming she need moral support at a funeral to a gentleman we kinda know but hadnt spoken to in close to a decade. She demands that support from our mother, but mother doesnt know the gentleman and doesnt like her family and is refusing to go.
So, is my mother TA for not wanting to attend the funeral? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uVNijVYu6qFvTvOR11SDh2lbIB3Wg6Wy | aedafq | {
"description": "believing that religions don't deserve any kind of respect",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for believing that religions don't deserve any kind of respect? | People don't usually say things like "it is OK if you don't believe the Earth is flat, but you should respect deeply the ideas of those who do". However, for some reason this is often said about religions.
Why is that we seem to be socially allowed to make fun of the lunatic ideas of those who believe the Earth is flat, but for some reason we must remain silent and respectful when the lunacy has religious grounds? Why should I remain respectful of ideas that make no sense and are false, ridiculous and even dangerous?
Some people will say: "but you should respect people, not ideas", and for the most part I agree. The problem is that the line between making fun of an idea and making fun of a person is often blurry when it comes to religion, as religious ideas are rooted so deep inside believers that any criticism of religion is often perceived by them as a personal attack. This is where I get annoyed.
Somehow, we all have unanimously accepted that certain things cannot be said because they would annoy religious people, which apparently is a big deal. Furthermore, we have taken this so seriously that there is a social consensus about how disrespectful it is to say almost anything that goes against religion.
For example, if I were to say something like "baptism is such a ridiculous ritual", even though I wouldn't be attacking anyone personally – but just be giving my personal opinion about a nonsensical religious tradition – many would consider that I am being disrespectful.
This is, as soon as religious people take offence in your words because you criticise or make fun of their religion, you are perceived by society as someone who is being disrespectful. I think this is complete bullshit.
In my opinion, we should be able to criticise and ridicule religious ideas without being labelled as disrespectful, no matter who gets offended. However, as much as I think that my opinion is neither crazy nor too extreme, every time I dare to say it, I get told that I am just a disrespectful asshole... So I would like to know what you think.
TL;DR: I don't think religions deserve any kind of respect. I should be free to make fun of them and criticise them without being considered disrespectful, no matter how much offence religious people may take at my words. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
6ZKz84dXuo1vLGNA8RbPdfSjMpZB6Uzn | a9jld1 | {
"description": "telling my roommate to bring his own tv next semester",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for telling my roommate to bring his own TV next semester? | I’m a college student with one roommate and bought a brand new TV for the dorm. I bought it knowing it’d be shared but still owned and paid for by me. We originally agreed I would bring the TV and he would bring his Xbox to share but my roommate had a tendency to hog the TV and use it late into the night while I slept. I plan on telling my roommate to bring his own TV next semester so I can use mine as I wish. AITA for wanting my own setup and essentially making him bring his own? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0w5bjsFR6TDF69kMfh2Z1uThe2r6SxC1 | axioxn | {
"description": "going to a costume party dressed as a confederate soldier",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for going to a costume party dressed as a Confederate soldier? (I got kicked out over it) | So I live in New Orleans, and it's been Mardi Gras for the past couple of days. On Sunday a girl whose a friend of a mutual friend hosted a costume party.
I went dressed like an Army of Northern Virginia infantryman. Plenty of people seemed to think it was pretty good and entertaining, even the hostess. Other people didn't.
A little ways into the night after everyone had a few drinks, one guy and I got into an argument over a game of cards. Then he started interrogating me about the question, asking me if I was a racist, if I really supported the Confederacy, etc.
Eventually he shoved me, and I guess I shouldn't have but I really didn't want to let some guy push me around, so I shoved him. I don't even really remember who threw a punch first, but we got pulled apart before it could escalate into a full-on fight.
Then I got thrown out, since apparently my costume "sparked" it. Now everyone in our general social circle seems to be pissed off at me, including a few of my friends.
I don't think I even did anything wrong, and even if you think wearing the costume was somehow wrong I wasn't the one that started the fight. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
OcXgoH3sPoqQIbwk8P3IaBP94X7p0kno | b69y8x | {
"description": "makeing my hompfobic frind family think he is gay",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for makeing my hompfobic frind family think he is gay. | This happened a year ago.
So a bit of context my friend comes from a very homophobic background and it always annoys me when he behaves that way since he always shows hate twords them even they did nothing to him. And he is also a very not nice and very aggressiveness I don't know really why I'm friends with him since I'm carrying person and nice twords others.
So anyways getting back on track one day at class one of my other friends (female) from class decided to draw a picture of a naked dude and that drawing really enjoyed him since he taught it was gay and all to see the drawing.
So me a idiotic teenager decided to sneak it into him bag to try to piss him off. In the end his little cousion started digging in his bag and faound the drawing and showed it to him parents.
His parents got really pissed about it and I don't know even today if it was something that he deserves or to fell bad that I acted to much like a fool and hurt my friend.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
GQLXfXweAXIysO9953aQdqu3zXg2dfzZ | a0dnfr | {
"description": "not helping my mom put up the christmas tree",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for not helping my mom put up the christmas tree? | This sounds petty but I'm actually pretty upset about it, so here goes
I'm 26F and currently living with my mom for a month between apartments. Normally we get along fine and she was super excited to have me stay here during the holidays. However, she's extremely uptight whereas I'm super easy going. But it has been fine so far.
We've been talking about getting a Christmas tree today some time after my lunch plans, but never chose a time. I went to lunch then got home and she was at the grocery store. I had a headache, so I went to lie down. When my mom got home she immediately said "let's go get a christmas tree" and I told her I was lying down. Immediately, she got upset, yelled FINE, I'LL JUST DO IT MYSELF, and left to go get a tree alone--which is something that I consider to be a special thing you do with family.
So, she got back and asked me to help her decorate it. However, at this point, she couldn't wait \~1 hour for me to be ready to go pick out the tree and I feel like her inexplicable need to get the christmas tree RIGHT THIS SECOND when we hadn't planned anything (and trees would still be there an hour later) means that her neuroses are more important than doing christmas things with her daughter. So I told her if she didn't want my help with getting the tree, she wasn't gonna get it decorating it.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
KkedD7XXd0bQcmsZcHJYFiDsQhaQsheB | b4qtpx | {
"description": "not continuing a relationship with someone who was like a 2nd mom to me because of her love for Trump",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not continuing a relationship with someone who was like a 2nd mom to me because of her love for Trump. | ever since I was 15 (back in 2013) this second mom/second family has been in my life. I’m 20 yrs old now(I dated their son for a couple of months back when I was 15 and he was 16, he came out as gay so we continued a friendship together and I was like a daughter to them. LITERALLY,they always said that. I would walk over to his house whenever, even when he wasn’t home I would go over or his mom would invite me over and we would just hang out. We would go shopping talk about boys, she never had a daughter so she loved to gossip ect.. shes extremely outgoing and she’s the PTA mom type and also the can I speak to the manager type(which didn’t bother me too much). We kept this close relationship till I left for college in 2016. she said she was voting for trump it threw me off but that’s fine she has the right to vote for whoever she wants, what started to steer me away from her is her rhetoric regarding trumps politicies. Shes just a hypocrite she’s always saying stuff like build that wall! And I came here legally!(She’s half French and Spanish) her parents immigrated here from Europe back in the early 60s when she was 1 yrs old she didn’t have a say in whether or not she came here legally or illegally just like most immigrant children today. U would think she would be a little more understanding but she’s not. She doesn’t work because her husband makes enough money for her to not to work, she hasn’t worked in over 20 yrs(Which is fine) but it annoys me because she always complains about how the gov is taking so much of her taxes ect.. and how illegal immigrants are taking jobs and ruining the country but she’s so lucky in life it’s insane. The only things she has to worry about are shopping and decorating her house that’s the majority of what she did back when I was in high school and I know it still is now that Both of her boys are in their 20s and don’t live at home. it just kinda annoys me because I feel like she’s so out of touch on reality and the worries most people face in life, like she’s in a bubble. Also her son who’s still my friend jokingly says the n word a lot like hard -er. (I’m a black female) and its really getting on my nerves. I haven’t reached out to them in over a year. I guess cause I don’t see them the same way anymore.it saddens me I loved this family, I will really listen to ur input and change my views accordingly if I am the asshole, thank u for reading!💕 | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
SGaRJr2qsKcL5KLdfBUvLZIBxrqc6Go2 | 9xzsnt | {
"description": "assuming I was being stopped for money",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for assuming I was being stopped for money? | Walking up the block near subway and a random guy walking toward me calls out "hey, boss." Have experienced getting stopped for money on the same street multiple times before, not anything else, so just assume it's that so passing by him without stopping, he goes "Where's___?" asking for directions and I turn and look at him and tell him which way and then he says no, forget you. Calls me a punk as we're walking past. I'm just like...whatever. Don't say anything, turn around, and keep walking. He's still mad, calling me a pussy. He's black, I'm white. That's it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0LN4j5fxVrDl0MPzVMk8NHQEtV8j47ZV | b4yifg | {
"description": "saying I'll pay my friend for something but don't",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA If I say I’ll pay my friend for something but don’t? | My friend owes me $15, he agreed to buy me wine as payment months ago. I’ve asked him quite a few times to get it for me but he always has an excuse. I’m thinking if I say I’ll pay him for it he wouldn’t have a problem, but I don’t think I should pay him because he owes me it- yet he won’t buy it for me otherwise (thus far) | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
3KPEEuve5EuLE9zzNcSEzgFmf3PvtlEW | ayunj0 | {
"description": "getting upset about the time its taling to repay a debt owed to me by my roomie",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset about the time its taling to repay a debt owed to me by my roomie? | Background: I just moved in with a buddy from work. About 4 days into my stay I asked if I could go ahead and pay rent. He directed me to the online payment and I put in my card number. Regrettably it saved my card as an option for payment on his phone too. I told him to be careful with that but trusted him enough to leave it there. (bad idea)
Sure enough, about a week later he came up to me apologising saying he accidentally paid both mine and his portion of the rent on my card; 1452 dollars total. I was visibly not happy and we talked about it and I realized since it was for rent and not just a random charge that it would be ok and he could just pay me back.
This is where the excuses started. He claims that he can only pull out 200 at a time because of the type of account he has. So to make a long story short, it's been about a week and he's paid 400 of the 720 he owes me. We got paid yesterday and I said you can just ask for 320 in cash and deposit the rest. He claims he can't and also said their systems are messed up and I'll have to wait another day and then still another day for the final 120. I feel like that's total bullshit and the longer it takes the more I feel that there was no accident and he's dragging this out for hidden reasons. AITA for feeling this way? | HISTORICAL | {
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M9lpyr0jO4pHTbaXio14nKH8WAqh6Thh | a4pvw6 | {
"description": "not gamesharing with my friend when he doesn't talk to me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not gamesharing with my friend when he doesn't talk to me? | So I have this friend who I grew up with and known. We spoke every day and played xbox, because he moved to another school, until he met a new group of friends.
I was fine with this until his new friend group started to dislike me and stop playing Xbox with me. I was didn't think much until he started neglecting my messages, over the summer we would play xbox, but I woke up at about 12 so he would play with his friend group until I woke up, I was fine with this. There started to be a lot of fighting between me and him if he stopped talking to me for about 2 weeks, I decided he needed more space.
One day I got home and it was one of the times I was good with the new friend group, they told me to buy a game on sale. As I looked into the game, I decided to give it a try, I enjoyed for about a week, but my friend started to join their games and they would repeatedly kill me over and over. It wasn't fun, but I didn't care much because I had other friends to play with. We stopped playing that game for a while, and the friend I game share with started hanging out with me more, we talked shit about his other friends saying how they're breaking this friendship apart. I agree 100% with this, because for the past years we were great friends.
This was fine until more of his friends got the game I was previously talking about, he started the same shit over. He got back to me when a game he knew I would buy came out, he played that game with me for about 2 or 3 weeks, but then he started playing the original game I bought with his friends and never invited me because I would be insta-kicked from the party.
This brings me to where i am now to where I stopped gamesharing, he started to talk to me more and his friends started calling me out on it but they never message me until recently. Everytime I stop talking to my friend I wake up feeling I was too harsh. I started gamesharing again but I can't switch back to my xbox because I ran out of switches and I can't change until I manually go on my friends xbox or until next year, my friend now knows this and neglects me overall, he only messages me when I ask why he didn't join me and he says because his new friends are better, but they don't give him the games he plays most. I didn't mention that he has 8 times the amount played on the original game than me.
TLDR: friend meets new friend group in which I'm not welcome, and uses me for games | HISTORICAL | {
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cNg7nMKceKTOhEmWBvnxkMsQNqlUmUFu | avxjo4 | {
"description": "expecting my wife to stick to her word",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for expecting my wife to stick to her word? | Am I the asshole for expecting my wife to stick to her word? For years I have asked my wife to keep me abreast of her plans, but she never seems to be able to do so. There is always some deviation, something different or in addition to what she says is going on.
I'm constantly blindsided as it seems like she never does what she says she's going to do. Our latest point of contention is due to her poor time management. I ask her what time she's going to be home from work. She gives me a time, then shows up an hour later than she said she would be home, with an excuse of things at work not going according to plan. I've come to a point where I no longer care what the reason she's late is.
I'm no longer trying to be understanding. I've tried suggesting a later hour than she states, but then she just gets home later than the hour I suggested. She says I'm micromanaging but I'm just asking her to be dependable. I feel like she is completely unreliable, and it frustrates me that she never does what she says she's going to do. I just want to know, am I asking too much of her? Am I the asshole here?
​
Tldr; My wife always gets home later than she says she will be. Am I the asshole for no longer caring about her excuses? | HISTORICAL | {
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goCcar8dUy6AeOlyEbv9u8WvCa48mroV | aml452 | {
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to be safe",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA: For wanting my boyfriend to be safe? | My boyfriend and I have been living together for about 5 years now. He needs to go for walks to destress other wise hes just bouncing off the walls. Before we met he would walk for about 5 + hours a night. When we got together he cut them down to 2 hours. Im a bit of a worry wort, And asked him to take his phone with him just to be safe. He fought me on this but agreed in the end.
Lately hes been upping his walks to 3 hours and walks through the down town/ river front of our city. Not the best place to walk at night, lots of bars, drunks, bad neighborhoods (we have a bad drug and gun violance issue here) So I asked if he could shoot me a text half way through just an I'm fine see ya at so and so time. Just so I don't sit here and worry. Also He tends to have me pick him up and its nice to know Ive got x amount of time left before I have to get rdy to go out.
He seems to think that Im being controling, when I just want him to be safe, and not worry all night about him walking alone in unsafe places.
He says that having to be on a timer stresses him out and that its too much of a hastle to txt mid walk. I could really care less how long he walks for, sure I worry, sure I feel lonely bit its some thing he needs for his health. I just hate sitting there worrying, more so when I call him before I head to pick him up and get no reply and its been hours since he left.
So Am in the wrong for asking for a mid walk check in to aleavate my fear and worry? I don't feel like Im asking much in a quick txt, He feels like Im cutting in to his freedom.
P.s. He has been hastled by cops a number of times for being in the parks along the bike path where he walks, generally for just stopping to use the bathrooms along his way. And he does not fallow a set route so I wouldnt be able to even look for him if some thing did happen to him.
Thanks for the help! | HISTORICAL | {
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kcHmwzS0R1HinIYcdPm8sagltHuZ0o4i | b3ps84 | {
"description": "putting my foot down to my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For putting my foot down to my grandmother? | Bit of background: my grandmother and grandfather were together since my grandfathers death a few years ago, they had a very traditional relationship where my grandfather controlled all finances, big decisions etc, and my grandmother would do the cooking and cleaning (note: she has worked in the past and has helped when my grandfather had his own buisness).
Ever since my grandfather passed away, my grandmother has been very reliant on my mum and me (aunt/mum's sister isn't very nice and lives quite a distance away) which makes sense. Due to bereavement, her memory has gotten a bit worse but she's had medical tests and there's nothing permanent. She needs glasses and a hearing aid (but refuses to wear them). I love my grandmother but I am more protective of my mum. I can see that my grandmother constantly relying on my mum to do everything for her (besides bathe her) is taking a toll. My grandmother is competent but doesn't want to learn how to do anything my grandfather did for her.
Now the event that leads me to ask AITA: recently, whenever my mum has given my grandmother a time to arrive, she is always an hour to two hours early. Even if these times are 9:00am, she will arrive at 7:30am. Even if she writes the time down, no matter how many times my mum or myself tell her a time, she is always early. This used to be just a bit annoying but now she has started barging in when my mum is with clients (mum is a mental health adviser) and doesn't understand why my mum won't give her attention/hang out with her. I put my foot down and said that it's getting too much and is getting in the way of my mums work. Grandmother's response is that we treat her horribly and she wants my mum to quit her job. I tell her "you need to be on time, check your phone or watch for the time. 15 minutes early is fine but an hour isn't! My mum is working." She asks "what do you expect me to do?" I say "be on time" and she then leaves.
So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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rhxB9ePC09etQwjGLlNQMFord1Od5skC | b48w5b | {
"description": "wanting a night off before a meeting and long day",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting a night off before a meeting and long day? | TLDR friend wanted to do a side job, i said said no because I had a long day next.
Buddy and I clean rest. Equipment at night for our main jobs. I'm a gm and hes my employee.
Hes got a girlfriend and lives at gone with his parents. Alot of credit card debt, loan, and car loan stuff and pays them some utilities. He works 38/40 hours a week for me.
I am married with 2 children and have 2 children from a previous relationship. I got invited to one of their baseball games Tuesday and I also had a GM meeting that day and mid day a training class for CPR/AED.
When we do the cleaning we leave at 9pm Monday night and get back between 5 am and 6 am Tuesday mornings. I worked 9am to 5pm Monday and didnt want to over night clean then sleep a few hours before my meeting that I had with my bosses and then the course for CPR. I had enough time to leave there, eat, then go to the baseball game.
I told my buddy I didnt want to do it and he immediately said "well that's going to f*** me pretty hard" I told him wed been doing to many to fast recently and if we kept at the pace wed end up screwing ourselves by not having any one of the following months and on top of that I didnt understand why he needed one so badly when hes been selling off some collectible things he has and working another job with his GFs family making some money. He replies with "fine it just f***s me but fine." I left it at that and didnt feel like arguing about it.
Later Monday be text me saying "so I assumed were just saying f*** me? So I know how to proceed with me evening?" I replied reiterating some of what I said about how he had made extra money this month and how doing 6 straight weeks wasnt gonna fly for my work and home life and that we were stilling going to do one next week he should be fine. He replied stating that all the extra money he has made so far he out toward his loan so he wouldn't have it anymore and that he needed this week and next week plus regular work to make ends meet. Then said "so f*** me I'll just use the f***ing money from selling a huge part of my life long possessions and continue with this month to month cycle of being f***ing broke as shit making all of my efforts for f***ing nothing oh and I have to come up with 374 dollars for the taxes on my truck by the end of the month but it's all good I guess enjoy your night off I'll figure it out..." to which I didnt bother replying.
So the last 3 days of working together hes given me the silent treatment. At this point I find it it sad and pathetic to continue a silent treatment and going to any extreme to avoid speaking to me for having other responsibilities etc.
So reddit, am I the asshole for wanting the night off? | HISTORICAL | {
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q7BkF9NlukJGMfT4m5KMdu30BUVy4XWx | ahuoov | {
"description": "telling my mom to stop making a scene at family dinner",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my mom to stop making a scene at family dinner? | It was my grandpa's 80th birthday and we had travelled 12 hours to come celebrate with him and that side of the family. For his birthday, about 15 friends and family went to a nice restaurant. The waitress was smart and asked about how the bill was going to split before hand. My grandma wanted the food bill and uncle took the drink bill. Both of her told my mom not to worry about it since we traveled so far. Mom was persistent for a bit but let it go.
Now my philosophy when it clears to someone else paying a big bill like that is offer to split 2 times. If after 2 they still insist, just say I'll get the next one and move on.
Well the bill finally comes, and my mom starts flaunting around her card yelling "we're paying for half the food". My grandma said no, they've got it. For 10 minutes (I wish I was exaggerating) they fought over the bill. About halfway in I nudge my mom and tell her to stop. She gives me the death glare and says to mind my own business to which I tell her she's making a scene (all the tables around us were looking at her since she was the loudest of the group and incredibly persistent). She gives me the "shut up or I'll end you" eyes so I count my losses and turn away to chat with my cousins.
My grandma eventually got tired of her persistence and ended letting us pay the entire bill. So I guess a win-win? Idk.
My mom called me an arrogant asshole in the car while we were on our way back to grandparents house and I chose not to defend myself since I was driving and didn't want to engage in a fight right then. | HISTORICAL | {
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iT4AgF0jeD6L899sGWqSSosnPCpcuAlC | 9w92l9 | {
"description": "turning a guy down",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for turning a guy down? | I matched this guy on some dating app and he wanted to meet for drinks, since I work from 9am-12am most days I told him that it would have to be on a free day. He was super upfront about what he wanted - something long term, serious, etc etc. I don't mind I'm open to anything. A few days go by and he keeps pushing on when I'm free - I already set a date sometime in the next week but he still kept at it. Then he started telling me that we should schedule a time to watch Netflix together, drink dates ,etc. I told him that I would have to let him know because for one, I haven't met him yet and he's already planned out my week and two, I am extremely busy.
​
After four days of having matched him and NOT met yet, he said "If we like each other how much often can you see me?". Honestly, okay, definitely a valid question for someone that wants something long term and serious but I kind of got uncomfortable seeing as I haven't even met him yet. I just said that my priority is work (which it is) but if I find someone that I like and want to get serious with then obviously I would make time for them (which is true), but seeing as I haven't met you yet, obviously I'm not going to make you my priority.
​
The next day I decided that this is just way too much for someone I haven't even met yet (there's more but let's just skip it) so I told him this:
​
Me: Hi \*\*\*\*, I'm really sorry I don't think I'm too keen on meeting for drinks. I just think that we're not a good fit.
Him: How come? So out of the blue
Me: Really sorry, just thought you should now rather than later
Him: Haha. Whatever
Me: Know now\*
Him: Whatever
Him: Can you please stop messaging me?
​
I blocked him immediately after that because honestly it was only 5 days of matching him but AITA? Because I thought his response was quite rude. Just seemed like he couldn't take no for an answer but I thought it was better that I let him know now rather than later and waste his time seeing as he wants something serious and long term.
​
TLDR: Matched a guy on an app, decided to turn him down because he was way too pushy and got a (for lack of a better term) pretty bitchy response back | HISTORICAL | {
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D5HLdrSc6njAPKt3HUoTkKjWkpqkPnWQ | avmdgd | {
"description": "ghosting a close friend after uncomfortable sex",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for ghosting a close friend after uncomfortable sex? | It started back when I was 16. I was in a relationship with a girl who I truly liked, but she was much more conservative in many ways than I wanted to be at the time. During the relationship, I spent time with people from my new job, and our main cause to meet up was to smoke marijuana. None of this was a problem, but eventually my girlfriend and I broke up which led to me spending a lot more time with my coworkers.
​
One of the girls at my work was almost the dream girl for an (at this point) 17 year old like me. She was 20 years old, extremely attractive, fun to be with and we got along very well. We talked everyday and she asked me about her problems and I did my best to help. There was definitely some underlying context for a long time but it was extremely platonic, we even slept together at her house without doing anything because it just didn't feel right at the time.
​
After a couple months, marijuana started making me act up and made my anxiety come front and centre, whereas before it did the opposite. It was a pretty big part of my life so I was reluctant to give it up because I had really enjoyed it in the past. This is where the context ends and where my fuckup happens. There were 4 of us, with one of our friends driving around and the rest of us were drinking. Near the end of the night, me and the girl were sitting in the backseat holding hands and it was obvious for us that we wanted something more out of the night. By the time it came to drop us off, we had made a discreet plan that I would be dropped off at my house and I would go over to her's "to smoke weed", so as to not make it obvious what we were doing.
​
This all happened, and you can probably tell where this is going. We smoked, went back to her room, and did the deed. I was extremely uncomfortable the whole time and I wished I could be anywhere but there. This was my also first time having sex without a condom, and I had no idea about her history so this only added to my anxious feelings. Eventually we finish and clean up and I left right away without so much as an explanation.
​
After this I didn't message her at all, and gave simple replies to her. We still saw each other at work, but I could not begin to explain how extremely uncomfortable the whole situation made me. She sent me a long message eventually that I just ignored and went to work without a care and was surprised when her friend asked me why I never responded. For the next couple months we only talked when we were out and drinking and she wanted to know how I could've done what I did, but I had too much pride to really explain how awful the situation was for me.
​
So, what do you think? Was I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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8VmpKv1Ro2BuqOMi8TPywIBnRZGexieq | ba7w2j | {
"description": "being annoyed that I wasn't invited out by my friend and wanting to talk about it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being annoyed that I wasn’t invited out by my friend and wanting to talk about it? | Throwaway because my friends know my reddit.
So I (19F) live with my friends (20M) and (20F) plus our other friend (20M). For the purpose of this story 20M will be A and 20F will be B, and other 20M will be C.
We all moved in together in September but met last year in residence. For a couple months we all lived harmoniously as a friend group, until A and B started having feelings for each other. They had a small fling between Oct-Dec but A ended it because he couldn’t trust her.
Myself and C were happy it stopped because we had all agreed last year that we didn’t want to live with a couple and they ended up practically being a couple anyways. A and B remained close but we were a group again.
A few weeks ago, A was going downtown to go drinking with his friends from home. B and C were at home for the weekend, so he asked if i wanted to come with him. I’d previously hung out with his friends, so i went and i had a great time. I really clicked with the girls of the group.
Around that time, A and B started becoming more than friends again. Now they spend 90% of their time cooped up in his room, they sleep in the same bed every night, and we barely see them. C and i again feel like the group dynamics have changed and we’re spending more time with our other friends. A and B are constantly snapchatting, texting, and talking, meanwhile C and I barely see them.
A few days ago A mentioned it was his friend’s birthday and he was going downtown on friends bday to celebrate. I was under the impression that he was going by himself, but it turns out he invited B without asking C or i if we wanted to come too. Now, i get you’re probably going to say that they’re allowed to hangout without us and whatever, but we’re the type of friends who invite each other to things pretty much whenever we go somewhere, and the last time it was one of A’s friend’s birthdays he invited us all to come with him.
I’m annoyed because I feel like when A and I went downtown together on our own he was just asking me because B couldn’t go. I also would have liked to see his girl friends again and I don’t know why he wouldn’t want us to come too, plus he and B are just being shady about whether or not they’re a couple. I want to talk to him but I don’t think I can bring it up without sounding like i’m mad that I wasn’t invited.
I’m more upset that we explicitly all agreed we didn’t want to live with a couple and they’ve become one and it’s changing our friendships. | HISTORICAL | {
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q5v8uu3U3aPlBxJfPf4MzmaDNQaMay6o | a5koss | {
"description": "lying to my friends about who I have feelings for",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for lying to my friends about who I have feelings for? | I’ve had feelings for this girl for about three weeks now. Standard high school feelings and all that, but I kinda told my friends I liked someone else. I realize that this is definitely not a perfect solution to the situation, but I didn’t know what else to do. The girl I have feelings for just got out of a relationship a week ago with one of my close friends, and I don’t want to hurt him, even if it was a short term relationship.
I wouldn’t have even been in this situation if my friends hadn’t stolen my phone and found a shitty poem I wrote in my notes. Like it’s real bad, total roast material, and normally I wouldn’t care, but it was a little personal and it put me in a weird spot. So I lied and said I liked someone else. Ever since then, they’ve been trying to figure out how to set me up, which has caused me and the girl I lied about a little bit of stress. The other female doesn’t know that I said anything, but I can just feel that it’s coming out eventually.
So AITA? And if I am, what can I do to remedy the situation? | HISTORICAL | {
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A56svbjN7LDLKA9NhNbVlmsPQkcgN8g5 | akj32s | {
"description": "unfollowing a friend on instagram and unfriending on facebook because all he posts are photos of his girlfriend and nothing else",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for unfollowing a friend on instagram and unfriending on facebook because all he posts are photos of his girlfriend and nothing else? | I mean because I simply have no interest in looking at photos of her and I don't know her. I follow friends on instagram because I'd like to see what they're up to and photos of themselves, their art, and what they do with their friends and loved ones. But this guy posts nothing but photos of his girlfriend and her selfies that she sent to him. It's not even a joint account. Guy legit just wants to show off his new Asian girlfriend and I get that it's a sweet thing when your partner shows you off to the world... But it's too much? If I want to see photos of a random woman I don't even know flooding my entire feed, I could just follow her own damn instagram instead right?
The guy sent me a dm, being offended and asking why I unfollowed him and we're not friends anymore (just cause I unfollowed?) I told him as politely as I could that of course we're still friends but I'm just simply not interested in seeing photos of her. He called me an asshole, said I can't be happy for him and that I'm jealous (apparently cause I'm also a woman so I'm jealous of his girlfriend??). AMTA?
I get that there's the option to mute the account without unfollowing, and unfollow without unfriending. But the photos annoyed me so much til I just didn't want to have any social media connection with him anymore because that's all he will post in the future too. I never intended to not be friends at all irl though. | HISTORICAL | {
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3QQCJCWbsZdspaN6yWi32xX2nNukSg9U | 9ze2hr | {
"description": "cutting my husband's friend from my life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting my husband's friend from my life? | TL;DR: Friend of my husband's has a habit of screaming at us when we do something wrong or that she doesn't like/feel is right. After she yelled at me for ruining her weekend I decide to step back, and with what's happened since then, cut all contact.
​
Strap in for a long ride, my friends. Thanks in advance for those of you who will take the time to read it. For those who won't... I totally get it.
I met this person two years ago. When we first met, she spent the entire hour talking to my then-bf in their native language and didn't speak to me at all, even though she can speak English very well and at the time I couldn't speak their languague. I didn't like her much at the time, of course, but I tried not to go into judging mode so soon into knowing her.
Then I moved in with my bf more than a year later, and she invited us to a bunch of stuff. I never wanted to go but I did, to accompany my bf. The first time was whatever, but the other times were better. She is the kind of person who brags and humblebrags about their life all the time, and who thinks they always know best ("oh your favourite restaurant is restaurant x? I promise you, restaurant y is much much better, you won't even remember x anymore", or cutting into a conversation with "of course he'll do x, he is your husband, that's what the man has to do": these kinds of comments riddled the whole conversation when with her), despite that, I had a decent time and she showed her friendlier sides.
Now a recollection of time we spent together. I think it's important in order to get the whole picture, but go ahead and jump it if you like. A few months ago she said the three of us should meet but only if my husband and I didn't kiss or stay too close to one another because she had fought with her bf and didn't want to see couple-y people. Fair enough, I noticed she has a rocky relationship with her bf (to say the least), so from then on when the three of us met, I didn't kiss or hug or show affection to my husband, we just held hands. About two months ago we were out, the three of us, and I commented I needed to buy a new winter jacket. She said she had one that didn't fit her anymore, sent me pictures, then brought it to me. That was nice and we asked if she wanted something in return. She said she wanted us to bake a treat from my home country for her and we'd eat it together. Another time we were 15 minutes late to meet her and she berated us, saying it was really shitty of us, that she almost left, that if we did this again she'd stop meeting us. I felt very bad and almost cried because the reason we were late was a fucked up depressive episode I was having so I was already on edge, but she didn't know this, and it wasn't an excuse to being late, so even though her means of conveying her frustration were arguably not the best, she still had a point, so we sucked it up and didn't try to respond or excuse ourselves.
Cut to a few weeks ago. We went to an event where I was very clear from the beginning that I had three things within it which I wouldn't miss (they were the whole reason I was there, tbh). My husband and she didn't really want to see anything specific, we were there because I said I really wanted to go, and she changed her mind a bunch of times about going or not and finally decided she would. While there, I quietly agreed to doing whatever she proposed as long as I didn't miss these three things. She seemed to understand that, was nice about it and always said stuff like "we will do this then go to your thing". One time she didn't want to stay with us in the middle of the crowd so she waited somewhere else. Some of her other attitudes annoyed me, like complaining about the service everywhere, but she can be nice and indeed was, so I just didn't say much and didn't add much to their conversation to avoid me going against her because I knew it'd be a shitshow. She's not my friend, she's my now-husband's friend, I thought, so I'll stay out of it and ignore some things. I wasn't physically affective to my husband, we just held hands, and I made sure to always use the second person plural in their language when asking what they wanted to do next or if they wanted to eat, except when she started ignoring me (we'll get there soon). I hate selfies but my husband loves them so he asks me we take one together, just the two of us: this happens twice. Once randomly and the other time on the second day of the event, when she and I had an argument about marriage and it ended with her not speaking to me for many hours and leaving us behind when walking. We just let her be and gave her some space, which we thought was a good idea. Afterwards she said she didn't talk to me because she was mad at her boyfriend, which I don't totally buy, but that we could talk to her again.
A parenthesis: the marriage thing. We were going to have breakfast but we were on a table far away from the other tables and no one came to serve us. She said "I'm going to go there and ask them what I can do to get service around here". My husband said "just say you want some coffee, and they'll get the message", but she stomped away. I said to him, jokingly, "don't you know your own friend?", and when she came back she said the waiters were standing around just talking and got in a bad mood after she asked them if there was a way she could get some service there (I wonder why they were in a bad mood: we'll need Sherlock Holmes on this one). I tried to be extra nice to the waiter and felt embarrassed they might think I was like her, because being rude to workers of the service industry is the kind of attitude I abhor. Then a while later she said marriage is forever and she will never marry because she can't know she'll be with someone forever, and she thinks divorcing is wrong — fair game. I was getting more and more annoyed, so this time I didn't just stay quiet, saying instead that I disagreed and that was her opinion and it was fine but it's just her opinion. She proceeded to try and convince me that it's not her opinion, it's the truth, and that actually I agreed with her. I said I do want to stay with my husband forever, but that doesn't mean we agree because I don't think it's an requirement in non-religious weddings/marriages. She said that staying together forever is the basis of marriage in Western society, and that those who divorced had the right to, but were wrong in doing so. I didn't back out and calmly insisted that it was her opinion and it's all swell, but that doesn't make it an absolute truth. The argument then derailed into random hypothetical cases from her part, as if to test my morals. I said a couple of times "we have different opinions and it's fine, let's leave it at that", because I didn't want things to keep escalating (which they did). I said I grant myself the right of changing my mind when I learn something new which might change it, and that things are grey for me, not black and white, both ways of seeing the world are valid, but they're just that, personal opinions and personal ways of seeing things. She said society wouldn't have so many problems if there weren't people who change their minds all the time. I saw that as a personal attack but kept my cool and stopped arguing. She then said that she was going to give up trying to argue with me because it was impossible and I kept changing my mind, which I didn't, but even if I did, my whole point was that I'm okay with changing my mind and I have diverse opinions within the same theme, depending on the case \[such as: is it wrong to lie? my answer: it depends\], and she didn't need to agree with that (just leave me alone, I suppose). It was exhausting. I felt like there was no getting though to her.
The previous night she had screamed at my husband's face because we were at the after party and I was dancing with my eyes closed and my face turned to him, and he wasn't dancing at all. She complained that it was no fun going out with us and we were ruining it for her because I was dancing only with him and he wasn't dancing. I said I had my eyes closed because I was tired and the lights were hurting my eyes, which was true, but what I didn't say is that I was with my eyes closed also because she wasn't dancing and I felt judged by her while having fun despite the two of them not moving. I even sang "Don't Stop Me Now" out loud with a complete stranger, it was AWESOME — I payed total attention to the stranger woman here, because if I looked at my husband the friend would feel left out and if I looked at the friend I'd feel silly and judged and would want to stop singing.
All that, together with the hours of her ignoring me, were enough to make me want to stay away, but again I thought "not my friend, and sometimes she's nice, let's leave it at that". That night she was still in a bad mood but apparently better. So it's over, I thought with relief. Apparently the devil caught wind of my relief and decided to play again. She said she wanted to see something but then we could leave for my thing, so five minutes before it started I said I wanted to leave to go to see my thing. She started fighting with my husband. I didn't hear the details so I said "what's wrong?" and she said "you're really getting on my nerves right now" and tore me apart for not being friendly to her during the weekend, ruining it for her, acting like a couple the whole time, leaving her to walk metres ahead of us (I thought she was doing it on purpose, because when we got closer she walked faster and she didn't look me in the face), doing just what I wanted, never asking her opinion or doing what she wanted, not acting like a group of friends (which in my head we weren't anwyay), taking pictures without her, and now I wanted to see the whole concert????, so to her I was just all aroun | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NQm9HywWeAYoPw7yyjt8L4lW2opOeDC8 | aewglq | {
"description": "questioning the validity of the individual leader of a \"Movement Challenge\" for being a liar",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for questioning the validity of the individual leader of a "Movement Challenge" for being a liar? | I work at a very large employer. On Monday (7th), our annual competition started where employees track steps, exercise minutes, and wt. loss.
The current individual leader has recorded they have taken 252,531 steps since Jan. 7th. The next closest person is at 169,845 steps and the "Pace Setter" is at 40,000 steps. The system updates at midnight, so these results are only from Monday-Thursday.
I did the math and the leader is stating that they have walked roughly 126 miles over these last four days. I want to email the person is charge and report this person for being a liar.
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6CE0nCnLxpr6siCaIda6YTQXiB5VaWsZ | av5qx6 | {
"description": "breaking up with my \"boyfriend?\"",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for breaking up with my "boyfriend?" | Around early February, somehow my friend ended up getting my crush to confess to me through call, and it was moreover of a "cool. we both like each other." But somehow he gets the agreement to date while I'm in a daze.
And so over the time, it's starting to get really uncomfortable for me. He's already told his parents (high school btw), tried to set up a date. sent multiple messages with lovey dovey stuff, and gave candy in a plastic baggie. I don't want to say anything, because I don't want to ruin whatever we've got. We had a good talk session once, and turns out, he's been screenshotting the call. Things like "best hour of my life 😍😍" and etc. I wasn't ready to go public, so it was creeping me out. His friends started to make fun of me afterwards.
And on Friday, basically one week before Valentine's Day, which I am severely stressing about because of the horrible timing - he asks me to wait outside after lunch to take a picture. Cool. Meet him outside, take a very awkward selfie together on his phone, think nothing of it. By sixth period, it's hell. Everyone who has his social media makes fun of me, since he put the caption "I'm so lucky" and etc. This is where I've realized I've made a big mistake. So after school gets out, my friend (who helped to get us together) listened to my story and helped me to basically text "hey, can you tone it down since it's really awkward for everyone to be making fun of me." He responds later telling me he's sorry, and"I'm just so in awe of you."
This is where I tell myself I can't keep doing this. So once he starts up a conversation, I tell him the truth. I tell him it's been really awkward for me to act like I'm only known as his girlfriend, and it wasn't what I imagined, I wasn't ready, and I hoped we could still be friends. He says he can't see straight, and I just wait for him to respond.
I check his social media, nope. He's posting really angsty stuff, general break up quotes; okay he's overreacting, and I understand, so I give him the weekend. Around Sunday/Monday, he posts publicly again, saying about he's been ashamed, embarrassed, angry, etc. In his post, he said I was the one who started the relationship and who also broke up, and he was even more heartbroken since it was Valentine's week. I broke up before Valentine's Day so I wouldn't be wasting his time to get me a gift of sorts.
I privately message him - he tells me to never interact with him, and that my actions speak instead of my words. He didn't post my name so my "reputation" wouldn't be ruined, despite that same week he posted a picture of us, the previously mentioned selfie. I'm really hurt, since I thought we could handle this maturely, and by the time we get back to school, he isn't talking to me completely. It's now even more awkward since we're in the same group of friends - people keep on telling me I didn't have enough communication, and everyone keeps on harassing me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
FYTzsOAVDGUIRKfWWTdzBuU9vohEE009 | ar3kuf | {
"description": "tricking an entitled",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA? I trick an entitled | so this happened today. I was trying to enjoy playing fortnite (yes I know its cringe) and this kid (mind you I have never met him before and didn't know him) joined my party and started yelling at me to "buy him the soccer skin because he deserved it" so I played along with it then i said "oops i bought it" he called me dumb and said he would report me if I didn't do it so then I said "okay ill but more v-bucks don't report me" he said okay and I said I would give it to him for a free glider (there is an event going on where you can get a dope glider but you can only gift it to people its free btw) so I got him to gift it to me and I told him I have to go he cussed at me and called me a scammer and I kicked him, he kept messaging me and calling me derogatory names.
TDLR I tricked an entitled to give me a free glider that I couldn't get myself | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
i84diSQJu4HdnmnaKQN7quiIWVkZTdGh | aqiuv7 | {
"description": "not being ok with my gf's new demands to be able to go out for dinner/drinks with whoever she chooses",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not being OK with my gf's new demands to be able to go out for dinner/drinks with whoever she chooses | I feel like I’m losing my mind here and need some advice. TL/DR below.
​
Have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years, she’s 33, I’m 35. For the most part we’ve been great together. The usual ups and downs of any relationship, but overall I feel like we’ve both been happy in the relationship. I have for a long time thought she is the one and I know she has too, as recently as a couple of weeks ago we talk a lot about getting married and it’s always been assumed I guess that it will happen, point being we’re fairly committed, in my mind at least anyway
​
Some more background, she likes going out for a casual drink fairly regularly, which I have no issues with and like her spending time with her genuine friends. For the most part she’ll just have 1 or 2 then head home. Also, just recently she has started a new job and I have been very proud and supportive of her and know how hard she has worked to get there. Things were really going great I thought, up until last week and now it actually looks like we are going to break up which would absolutely break my heart.
​
We have a current issue which we fundamentally disagree on which seemingly out of nowhere is threatening our whole relationship -
Last week after work she told me she was going out for a drink, usually she’d be home fairly early so I waited around for her to come back home for dinner which we do together pretty much every night unless something else pre-arranged. I didn’t contact her expecting her home at any time, then got a message at 930pm that night from her telling me she’s just about to go out for dinner with her new boss and some random team members. I asked her why I’m only finding this out this late. She immediately got defensive with me for questioning where she was. She came home an hour or so later drunk and pissed off with me for questioning where she was. Told me that I apparently have an issue with her success in her new job (this couldn’t be further from the truth) and stopped talking to me for the night.
​
Next morning when I questioned her about it, she told me as part of her new job, it will require her being out late during the week on short notice (this is 100% not the case - this is her choice, her job is a 9-5, non customer facing role). This week she had a pre-planned dinner with her new boss and team. Because of the blow-up we just had, she said she’d come home straight after dinner. Dinner was at 6, so I expected to at least hear from her sometime around 8ish I guess. it got to 10pm and I was still annoyed from the Thursday night, so I messaged her asking her where she was and that I thought she was coming straight home. She got furious, came home an hour or so later and said that she will go out whenever she wants with whoever she wants and that I am controlling her - said that I had embarrassed her in from of her colleagues (not actually sure how my text message did that).
​
I left it till the morning just to make sure any alcohol had worn off, then tried talking to her about this and she said she doesn’t want to be in a relationship where she can’t go out with whoever/whenever she wants. That night, I tried talking to her again and she said she is not moving on this and then gave the example of if her boss is in from out of town and wants to have dinner with her, then she wants the freedom to do so without asking me if it’s OK. Up until that point her boss had never even crossed my mind as a possible cause of the change in her behaviour. I have always trusted her completely, but thought this was strange. She had mentioned in the past about the girls thinking he’s good looking etc.
​
Next morning, same thing, and same example, wants to be able to have dinner/drinks with her boss when he’s in town. I haven’t questioned her about her boss at all as it is literally a brand new idea that he could be the cause of her change in behaviour. For the last 2 years, she’s never mentioned once about me being controlling. Now her stance is that I am completely controlling her. She said that I have to compromise on giving her the freedom to at any time without notice she can go out for dinner and/or drinks with anyone, and that I have to accept this or the relationship needs to end. I have told her that this to me is not acceptable behaviour and not the relationship I want to be in. I see it as being disrespectful and that we are in a committed relationship and I deserve to be with someone that respects our relationship.
​
I really do love her more than anything and want to make this work. This is completely out of left field behaviour so it’s really throwing me. At the same time, I feel I am definitely within my rights thinking her request is not acceptable. I don’t want a set a precedent of letting it go and have her out for all hours without any regard to our relationship. She has suggested we go to relationship counselling which is maybe a good sign, but it is very clear that she is not going to compromise, so not sure how that will go, but can give it a shot.
​
Question is, AITA?
​
Note: I haven’t mentioned anything to her about her boss other than to ask why she keeps using that as her main example. I don’t want her to think I now have trust issues (on top of being controlling). I really didn’t think I did, but her behaviour is completely abnormal and her refusal to talk about it is really messing with my head. It’s really shit, can’t sleep at the moment thinking that our relationship is now (out of nowhere) looking like it could end unless I agree to something that I just don’t think is a reasonable demand and probably just drawing out the pain.
​
TL/DR: Girlfriend (with whom I am in a committed relationship) has had sudden change in behaviour and wants now to be able to go for dinner and/or drinks any night of the week on short notice with anyone she chooses. With her genuine friends, every now and then I’m OK, but want to know I’m the priority. With random new people I don’t know, I’m not OK with this. - am I being controlling? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
hqxL5ybTU0Penp1Qpk1W3YyiXCm8gGtS | b8qobn | {
"description": "thinking that someone's tweet wasn't insulting to anxiety ridden people",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for thinking that someone’s tweet wasn’t insulting to anxiety ridden people | So, I have this friend (We’ll call them Ice) who, for April Fool’s Day, made a tweet about how they were thinking about themselves as a person, coming to the conclusion that they wanted to do more with their life, and that they were going to quit Twitter. April 2nd comes along, and they come back to Twitter, making a ‘coming back’ Tweet as if nothing happened.
Nobody seemed to be mad... until someone else (we’ll call them Sah) started saying stuff like “this tweet is disrespectful to people with anxiety” and “this tweet is disrespectful to people might have lost someone after a tweet like this”. They really were just pissed at Ice for the “April Fool’s Goodbye Tweet”, even though it was a JOKE.
In my opinion, Ice never made an attempt to insult or disrespect anyone, and I think that Sah might be overreacting.
So... am I just an asshole for standing by Ice’s decision to make the tweet? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
tNB1U1dEaN7N3eMwsK3Lp7LEg1iNtmQB | b83969 | {
"description": "cutting contact with my friend for being a furry",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 51
} | AITA for cutting contact with my friend for being a furry? | So this guy, Daniel we'll call him, is a pretty chill dude in school. He and I are in the same sports club, and we talk a lot.
One day, while changing clothes in the locker room, I accidentally saw him opening his Tumblr account on his phone. Discreetly.
I shouldn't have done it, but out of curiosity, I searched for his Tumblr username... and found out that he's a furry. He posts in these cringey asterisks, uses a lot of text emojis and shit, hell he even posted a lot of selfies of himself wearing those furry costumes. He covered half of his face in those photos, but I swear to God I could've recognized him even if he only showed his fucking eyebrow. Some photos were borderline NSFW, paired with very overt descriptions I wished I have never fuckinh read. I felt like my eyes were tainted.
Now Daniel was a super normal guy on the outside, and showed absolutely no indication that he was a furry, at all. He's pretty charismatic, and we have tons of mutual friends. I wasn't even supposed to know these stuff but my stupid ass had to look them up. I can't look at him in the eye anymore, and my skin crawls when I think how different he is with his furry persona.
Obviously, he doesn't want people knowing about his secret, and I can't/don't want to confront him about it. I've read enough of his posts to know that he'll probably have a breakdown if he knows that I know. I just- I try to avoid him because I just can't accept it. I know that's what he likes, but I can't control my feelings. It's super awkward. He and the people around us are starting to notice my behavior towards him. I don't plan to out him, but I'm thinking if I should just ghost him instead and just let things between us fade.
Me and my dumbass curiousity. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 50,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 51
} | WRONG |
C3dO6Is48MILhv9xfyicKTcA9wbJMEjD | a4pbef | {
"description": "possibly getting a delivery guy fired",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for possibly getting a delivery guy fired? | Sorry for the length of this post and the formatting. I'm on mobile. There's a TL;DR at the bottom.
So the other night I ordered takeout through a food ordering a delivery app. I put the other through and paid on my card. I got confirmation that it will be here within an hour. Now this is a bit of a long wait, seeing as the place I'm ordering from isn't very far away and when I've previously ordered from there had the food delivered within 30-45 minutes.
I just bit the bullet and said fine I'll just wait that little bit longer. So the hour passed and no sign of my food. I'm pretty hungry at this stage and constantly checking my window for the guy. 20 minutes pass and I'm starving and getting a bit annoyed. I go to the app as they have a live chat support if something goes wrong with your order.
I start talking to the representative and explain the situation. He says he'll get in touch with delivery service and see what's the hold up. He then tells me the food is 2 minutes away and sorry for the wait.
5 minutes pass and still nothing. I'm still in touch with the rep about my order because I was fearful it would be cold when it gets here. Another half an hour passed and I'm now incredibly annoyed by the situation. I didn't get mad at the representative because it isn't his job and not his fault of course.
So now nearly 2 hours since my order, I get a knock on the door. Now here's the strange part, the guy is wearing a completely different uniform from a rival service I ordered from. Like not even close. So I get my food and ask why did it take so long. The guy seemed really confused about this saying he just got this order. I didn't want to lose my temper so I just took my food from him and went inside.
Now the food wasn't freezing cold or anything but it was nowhere near as hot as I've gotten it previously. I still have the representative on the chatline and I tell him the food is okay but I'm really not happy about the situation. I then tell him that the guy who delivered it to me wasn't wearing the company uniform but the other companies uniform. The representative apologizes to me saying this shouldn't happen and we're very sorry, take this discount code as an apology and such. I just want to preface and say I wasn't actively trying to get anyone fired.
I get a call a couple of minutes later from the service. I pick up the phone but I can instantly hear in the background, he's getting sacked no doubt about it, he's not going to be working here anymore. I don't think they realized I had picked up and then they started talking to me, offering apologies and saying that this was unacceptable.
I told my brother about what happened and he said it was a bit of a dick move for what I did but I only got in touch because it was taking so long and I had already paid for my food.
TL;DR: Ordered and paid for food from a delivery service app and food arrived an hour late and was delivered by a guy from a different company. Got in contact with a representative about it and accidentally heard the driver who was supposed to deliver my food seems to be getting fired. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1S0fgFITUFty7FD3dqz5m9nvWf8U98Zg | b2n784 | {
"description": "freaking hate office birthdays and other events",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA I freaking hate office birthdays and other events | I truly don't know if this is weird. My friends seem to be of 2 schools of thought: "celebrating your coworkers various life events is awesome! More friends, more cake, wheeee!" or "fuck this shit and leave me alone. I already have friends, thank you very much."
​
I usually fall into camp 2.
​
My office only has about 12 people in it, with some turnover. We celebrate every birthday, every time someone gets a new title, gets made permanent, takes a job somewhere else, gets engaged (supposedly... so far there's only me and they are threatening to hold a party for me), gets pregnant, and this on top of the christmas do and secret santa, the after work drinks get togethers, the office open house, and all the damn meetings where someone is making a personal announcement of some kind. They generally want us all to pitch in on communal gifts. Now they want to send "sorry for your miscarriage" flowers to one of the girls.
​
Back when there were only 4 of us, there was none of this faff. I didn't expect or want miscarriage flowers. I do not want an office engagement party. A simple "happy birthday" email from a colleague would have been more than enough and I didn't give a rats ass if they didn't arrive as I never put my birthday into the calendar.
​
Anyhoo. My question is, am I an asshole for wanting to opt out of all this? Like, leave me the hell alone. NO I don't want to sit in a circle at the conference room table and everyone says a heartfelt message about what they love about the person whose birthday it is. Seriously, a bitch at work enforces this on all of us. I'm thinking of booking vacation days whenever an office birthday is due. Grump, grump, grump. That's my story! If I am the asshole, so be it!
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5XA7MXdkzaSqlOUGbxaXUgIP5T1C7yDq | auayy7 | {
"description": "wanting to return a kitten I adopted from family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for wanting to return a kitten I adopted from family? | So a while back my mom found a mother cat with a bunch of kittens in her shed. She decided to adopt out and asked me if I wanted one. She mentioned that she saved the chill, shy one for me.
When I was growing up our family had a cat and she was amazing. Totally made me a cat person. She was super independent, spent the day outside and kept to herself inside mostly while at the same time being SUPER friendly and affectionate. Also rarely meowed.
I also happen to have a cat door at the place I live and think the property is cat heaven because it’s in the wilderness (fenced in so it’s pretty safe) and other tenants have had cats that adore the property as well.
So I think it over and decide sure, why not.
Well... I’ve had this cat (who is less than a year old) now for about 2-3 months and it’s been a learning experience.
This cat is nothing like the one I had growing up. I can put up with him ruining things and making a mess around his litter box... But This is the most needy, poorly behaved cat I’ve ever known. He meows INCESSANTLY if he’s not getting attention. And every day at 4 am starts to meow (he always has food) because he wants to play. I’m pretty sleep deprived constantly because of it. He is timid about the outdoors (again I’ve never known a cat to not want to be outside over inside). But recently has been going out more and more. But always comes back after 30 min or so.
My hands and even parts of my face are covered in scratches because of his preference to play indoors rather then outdoors. He is not a stereotypical independent cat at all.
I was honestly imagining a scenario where I let him out during the day after feeding him, and then greeting him and letting him inside when I get home from work with more food. Typical cat petting and purring and then he goes to sleep. Rinse and repeat. This hasn’t been the case at ALL.
He’s cute, and sure I love the bastard and wouldn’t put him in a shelter, but I don’t think our personalities are a good fit. I’d probably adopt him out after reviewing somebody from Craigslist etc. or just return him to my mom.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
jmIqexJyLZf2nWcujmFnQjnD81oxnUcf | ai7arq | {
"description": "wanting to fight people who flirt with my fiance",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA For wanting to fight people who flirt with my fiance | So my fiance has joined the national guard and she went off to basic training for a few months when she got back she mentioned that some guys had flirted with her during the process, now I trust her completely and I honestly am not very worried that she would be unfaithful, but I don't trust the guys, and honestly I know if I was there they wouldn't flirt with her, because the ring on her finger but a physical person to support the ring would deflect the flirtation, at least I think, so I feel this anger at being helpless to stop it. She showed them her ring and said shes taken, and really I'm more asking am I an asshole in general? Does wanting to fight a man who flirts with your fiance and tells her that a ring isn't important asshole behavior or is it understandable and alright? One in particular called her "Shawty" which really irks me, I get that shes not gonna tell him to call him something different, and she had flirtatious nicknames since she is a girl surrounded by physically deprived men, but still, does my over the top anger classify as asshole behavior?
Sorry for the mobile formatting
TLDR: My girlfriend is far away and I can't stop men from flirting with her and that makes me feel violent | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
3KL3VrdSt0KwA5JaSahy5h28wVmpuJX7 | apc6tw | {
"description": "thinking that it's utterly disgusting to openly fart all the time, smell or not",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For thinking that it's utterly disgusting to openly fart all the time, smell or not? | My friend is currently staying with me (not for much longer so not really an “issue” now I guess) and he farts a lot. There hasn't been a single day where he hasn't ripped ass. I think it's utterly disgusting that he does it all the time. I could be in the kitchen and he comes in and farts while I'm cooking. Sitting down and he farts while I'm eating. Laying in bed, fart? I just think it's rude and gross to do it all the time, especially when I'm eating. I don't care if it doesn't smell, I don't want to hear his ass blasting or think about fecal matter while I'm trying to eat ramen. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
BjiqoJvCi7wXqs6cjZKwS7c2yXlK0iCa | ath84s | {
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend while he's away for work for 7 weeks",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for breaking up with my boyfriend while he’s away for work for 7 weeks? (Or WIBTA for waiting till he got home?) | Some context: Things have been tough with my (30F) boyfriend (30M) for the last several months. We’ve been together nearly 2.5 years and currently live together. He’s working on a 7-week job halfway across the country right now. He’s been there 2.5 weeks and won’t turn till the end of March. We haven’t talked much because he’s been working and then he was sick and then we had a fight on Sunday over the phone. I’ve been contemplating breaking things off for a while, so I have been more distant, guarded, and cooler lately. I still think he’ll be surprised because we’ve gone through a lot of shit together and I’ve never even threatened to break up with him in the past (but it would have been understandable if I did). This man has a lot of baggage and for a while it was fine, but nothing is improving and I’m calling it.
The thing is, though, would it be more of an asshole move to break up with him while he’s away at a mentally and physically job or fake it for another month and drop it on him when he gets home?
The other piece of the puzzle is our lease ends March 31, which is 5 days after he gets home. We could go month to month after that, but I don’t think either of us wants that. I love him and do care deeply about him, so I honestly would be fine to pack up his stuff to be ready to move when he gets home, or have it in storage already depending on what housing I find for myself. I just want to do this as painlessly as possible.
*TLDR: After 2.5 yrs of supporting my boyfriend, I’m throwing in the towel. But do I break up over the phone while he’s away on an exhausting job for another 5 weeks or do I drop it all on him when he gets home?* | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P2Zdqgk8Kr8Foe5y7EMuxShKBf0nbpsd | a584rx | {
"description": "not letting a girl use my phone charger, potentially landing her in trouble with her mom",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting a girl use my phone charger, potentially landing her in trouble with her mom? | This one needs a little explanation.
This girl’s friend circle includes one guy, we’ll call him Jacob. Last month, I lent Jacob a pencil. He immediately handed it over to a friend, and I never got it back. But whatever, it was a pencil. I lent him my charger a week ago, and at the end of class, he and another friend start lying and saying that it’s their’s, and try to rip it out of my hand. I managed to hang onto it, but I vowed to not trust Jacob with my stuff.
Flash forward to today. I bring my charger to class, Jacob asks for it. I gave him a hard no (ngl, it felt REALLY good to turn him down). He got pissed, demanded I let him use it, verbally berated me and threatened to cut my cord next time I saw it. I held fast and he pissed off eventually after a few more threats and accusing me of being a racist.
I don’t believe I’m an asshole here in the slightest. Here’s where it gets tricky, though.
One of his friends (we’ll call her Jackie) walks up halfway through the period and asks for it. I turn her down, and that’s that, right?
Wrong.
10 minutes till the end of class, and she comes back. She asks for it again, and I refuse, saying i’m charging it. She demands to know what percentage I’m at (40~%) and says her’s is dead and to “stop being like this” and let her use it. I refuse again, mostly out of the fear that she’s going to hand it off to Jacob and I won’t see it again.
She storms off, and I later overheard her complaining that her parents were going to beat her ass (she often talks about how her parents are hardasses and physically abuse her).
AITA for allowing this to happen, especially when the girl hadn’t done anything wrong herself? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mx5NlUa6szZ9CAc6CVwv95iKi76iQDkv | akx2df | {
"description": "kicking a friend out of my house when she needed a place to stay",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For kicking a friend out of my house when she needed a place to stay. | To start of this story I had just gotten out of the ER after staying in it for 2 days for mental health issues. It was also the day before the new school year started. My best friend at the time (Ryan) called me when I got home and asked if his girlfriend (let’s call her B) could stay with me for the night. His parents wouldn’t let a girl stay over but B really needed a place to stay as her parents were abusing her. The girl B was staying with before kicked B out as well so B was basically going to have to sleep outside. I said that of course she could come over as long as she let me rest. I still wasn’t feeling very well and I was sore from the IV I got at the ER. I picked up B from Ryan’s house and took her to my house. (My mom wasn’t home as shes a flight attendant and is never home). I had meet B before but only at parties or when she was with Ryan. I let her shower and borrow some clean clothes for the first day of school the following day. In the morning I took her to school and even bought her lunch. She told me that she still didn’t have a place to stay and asked if she could stay a couple more nights until she either went home to her abusive parents or found another persons house to crash at. I let her stay two more nights when I started to lose it. She started to act like she lived at my houses. She worse my cloths with out asking, took showers when ever she wanted and even moved things around in the guest bedroom she was staying in. I had even given her an old phone to use and school supplies, she never said thank you once to me. She also borrowed my prom dress , with out asking, to wear on a date with Ryan. The breaking point for me was when she told me ,not asked, me if I could drive her to Ryan’s house and then to her house to pick up some of her things. I was still dealing with my mental heath issues and I still hadn’t healed physically all the way. At this point her three day stay and turned into a week and my mom was heading home. I finally broke down told her I wasn’t her Uber and told her to get out. I told her to call Ryan and that she needed to leave. I needed space and I couldn’t support her anymore. This really impacted my friendship with Ryan as he thinks I’m an asshole now and now B won’t even talk to me. Am I an asshole for kicking an abused girl out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
GQbIk505VWX4A81zGLdqutv6Qwo2tFpH | ahh1wy | {
"description": "not providing meat at my next dinner",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for not providing meat at my next dinner? | I [15F] have the obligation of making dinner for when my boyfriend's family comes over to my house for dinner. I'm happy to cook, I love cooking the only thing is I'm a vegetarian. His parents know that and have made some rude remarks about it, but I mainly brush it off.
Anyway last time I went to dinner at his place they knew I was vegetarian and did not make a single dish that had no meat. I thought at first that they had possibly forgotten about it and I juat sort of picked through the meal. They brought it up at the table and they started placing pressure on me saying, "Come on teenage_whore, we made it especially for you". I finally gave in, but I still hate that I let in to it.
So for dinner at my house, I printed out a menu and gave it to my BF [15M] asking him if, the menu would look Ok. He showed it to his family and according to him until I show a menu with "real food" then they're not going. I really want them to like me, but this would piss them off.
I still somewhat spite them for last dinner with them, and want to show them how it feels.
So WIBTA, for lying to them about the menu and surprising them with a different meal? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
JzLlmcJlTpHGx6xButLmSWgLjgQtbkYu | amuem1 | null | AITA for my sister's arm getting broken | Ok. This dates actually _way_ back but it still keeps me up at night and my sister is still guilt tripping me.
I'm 27, F
A bit of background:
This happened when I was 13 and my little sister was 8. And to put it plain and simple: at this time we absolutely hated each other. She was pretty spoiled being the youngest and according to my parents their smartest and most hard working one deserved all the extras she got. And told her that. Which turned her entitled as well.
So she believed she had the right to order her older sisters around, and turned really mean when we refused. Which is what I usually did, hence she hating me as much as I hated her.
What actually happened:
I was told by my father to babysit her and then come and drop her off at his office. It's not far away, just 5 minutes by bike. We live in a region with quite some hills, and the route to the office has steep parts. By far the steepest one is right in front of or primary school. My sister managed this one on a daily basis so of course I wasn't worried about the ride. There are also zero cars on this route.
Everything went fine until the last downhill part. To even call it downhill is ridiculous as it is really only half as steep as the one in front of the school, and instead of 100 ft it's only about 50ft long.
But my sister refused to bike the lane down. Told me it is too steep. She then refused to get off her bike and push her bike instead. Because it was too steep. She told me to take her bike and push it down, because of course I wasn't allowed to ride it down either, because I was old and heavy (I was about 70 pounds). And she wouldn't watch my new bike (>1000$) either because she didn't trust me with hers.
I flipped her off and told her to either just leave her bike were we were standing (or uncle lives right next to the office, it would be on his lot) or bike down.
She looked utterly pissed and just drove off. And without even attempting to break hit a low stone wall.
Of course I was down there immediately and tried to help, but I turns out that my dad saw the crash. He literally kicked me away from my sister, kicked my bike for good measure and took her away to the doctor.
Her epiphyseal plate on her left hand was damaged and she got a plaster for 2 or 3 weeks. (Fully covered by insurance)
I was not even allowed to defend my point of view and got grounded and nasty looks until the plaster was gone.
And my sister and parents never stopped dropping snide remarks or generally holding this over my head.
So yeah, that's the story. I never actually told anyone about this, but after 14 years I'd really like to know what other people think of this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
o2Lia5ZUdWSulEuBZr9mqlA2iMrVpd6q | auq5td | {
"description": "filing a complaint with the police department",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA: Filing a complaint with the police department | Long story.
My bike was stolen out of my yard in November. I reported it stolen online and in mid-December the police department recovered it at a pawn shop.
To get back stolen property you have to go to a little Civil preceding, takes like ten minutes, and the city runs them once a month. The pd tried to schedule me for the January session, but it was the same date as my kid was scheduled to be borne, so I asked to go to February instead. Cop said he would let me know.
Come first week in February I had heard nothing, so send email and call officer. Nothing. Finally, more than two weeks later, I go online a lodge a complaint against the cop who was ducking me. IA calls the next day, cop calls the next, he is yelling at me because "IA is for serious shit, they think this is ridiculous, etc".
I got my phone calls and emails returned, am now scheduled for the March court date, etc. Cop is pretty pissed since he has a complaint in his record and he helped me out getting the bike etc. So it worked in terms of turning the bureaucracy but seems to have damaged a cop who actually was really nice until he went awol.
I'm not unsympathetic to the ridiculousness of contacting IA over a recovered bike, but when I asked him what he proposed I should have done instead his response was "be patient". Should I have waited more time? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
IVBayzaAGFqS4HxkIaUEWvYWkuwEKsyC | a39jr3 | {
"description": "pushing my girlfriend to go further sexually after promising not to",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for pushing my girlfriend to go further sexually after promising not to. | Context: Around a week ago, my girlfriend and I met up and she was in a 'weird mood' (her words). She told me that she didn't really want to do anything sexual that day, and, despite that, I kept trying to ask her and push her towards doing sexual things. Obviously I was the asshole in this situation and I have no doubt in my mind about this. There are more details, but the important takeaway is that I didn't respect her desire to not engage with what I was wanting during that moment. As I touched her I kept asking if she was okay with it, because deep down inside I knew that she wasn't really into it, and so I kept asking her whether she is okay with this or not and she kept saying that she was fine with it, and eventually she said that she wasn't and I immediately stopped right before any clothes were removed. I realized that what I did was wrong, as I was aware the entire time that she was not into the experience despite the mixed signals, and I apologized to her, to which she was so unbelievably amazing, forgiving, and understanding that I was taken aback. She instantly forgave me and told me that she doesn't blame me for anything. Because of this, I made a special promise to her that I will make it my absolute priority to never, ever do anything like what I did that day ever again, and told her that I owe it to her to uphold that promise because of how well she has treated me (I would have made this promise even if she had not been as forgiving, obviously, but because of how understanding she was I made sure to tell her about how much I owe her and how much I appreciate her kindness).
​
However, after this, a similar situation happened again. The exact details of what we were doing aren't important, but I was pleasuring her and it was very obvious that she was extremely into it and was having potentially the most enjoyable sexual feelings of her lifetime. We took a short break, and I asked if she wants to go further (e.g. do something sexual which we haven't done yet - we are working our way up towards 'more' sexual things, going from shirt to skin, feeling to seeing, etc. We are both Christians and do not wish to have sex before marriage), and she said that she wants to, not now, but in a month's time, as she isn't ready yet. I asked her if she wants to go further in another way, and she said that she will want to soon, but that she isn't ready to do that yet. She then said that we can move to the next level tomorrow, instead of in a month. I then asked if we can go further in a very small way just quickly today before we take the bigger jump tomorrow, and she said okay. We did, and it ended up going much further than just what I suggested as the small thing, and it was in every way a positive experience.
​
Today, I asked my girlfriend whether I had broken the special promise that I had made to her - the promise that I owed it to her to keep. She told me that I hadn't at all because she said yes, but I said that I feel like I have, because she said no multiple times, and each time I asked her if she was sure and if there is no possibility that she doesn't want to do something else. While ultimately there was no harm caused by my actions, I believe that I may have violated a trust with my girlfriend. She had not thought about / realized that I have possibly broken my promise until I brought this up to her.
​
Once I realized this, I immediately thought that I am the asshole. However, the idea that I kept to the spirit of the promise, just not the exact wording of the promise, came to my head quickly; in the first example, it had a strong feeling that she did not want to continue, despite her stating that she did. This feeling turned out to be correct. In the second example, I had a strong feeling that she did want to continue, despite her stating that she didn't. This feeling also turned out to be correct. Therefore, I kept the spirit of the promise - I did not put pressure on my girlfriend to go further sexually when I could tell that she did not want to - but I may have broken the wording of the promise. Both my girlfriend and I currently hold the opinion that I kept the spirit of the promise, and there is no dissent between us.
​
The reason why I'm posting this here is because I am worried that I am a manipulator without being overtly aware of it. I feel like I am too controlling and manipulative over my girlfriend sometimes, and I worry that I brush these occurrences away via the means of mental gymnastics, as demonstrated in the paragraph above.
​
Am I the asshole for pushing my girlfriend to go further, breaking the promise I made, or am I in the right, as I kept to the spirit of the promise and did not try to make her do anything that I knew that she did not want to do? Also, is my justification of my actions an example of manipulation, or is it simply a legitimate way of thinking about a situation in which I was not quite at fault?
​
PS: my girlfriend knows that I am posting this because I am worried that I am manipulative, and she will be reading the comments too. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
bsySUbftjdO0qqmMgXAbs6qDDzvcNn4q | argw0d | {
"description": "falling asleep on Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for falling asleep on Valentine's Day? | For the record, I went out a few days before and got him a nice gift and a teasing card.
Then I went to whole foods and bought a really nice cut of meat to cook for dinner.
Then I come home from work and give HIM his present ( I got nothing, no flowers, no card), then proceed to make dinner.
I get into bed at 8:00 and wait for him in my sexy night gown.
It gets to 8:45 and he's still upstairs playing video games.
So ya..I passed out when he finally came into the bedroom. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iOcIVRhm0KVG7SWivn1eCD7yiiFzL4Qz | agvovl | {
"description": "wanting to keep my roomba in my living room",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to keep my roomba in my living room? | My good friend moved into my apartment recently and he has been making a lot of changes in the name of “de-cluttering” the place. Most of what he has done I agree with but others seem unnecessary and seem to be more about him wanting to re-arrange the space how he would prefer.
This afternoon I returned from work and my roomba, which has resided in an out of the way corner of the living room, had been unplugged and placed in a pile of junk in a closet. My roommate claims seeing it in the living room makes the room seem cluttered and the wires required to charge it makes things look messy (it’s under a desk).
Meanwhile the living room has a bunch of his electronics and kettle bells laying around in it. It just seems to me that he doesn’t mind “clutter” as long the cluttered items are his...
Where the roomba used to be was pretty convenient for using it to clean our living room floor because I could just activate it from its charger and it would dock itself after it was done.
Roommate wants me to keep it in the closet as opposed to the living room but there isn’t enough floor space or a reachable outlet for it in there. Plus it kind of defeats the convenience of being able to let the roomba do its thing having to retrieve it every time I want to clean up.
AITA for wanting to keep my roomba in the living room where I use it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fLGMqC1Lzf4RkO2aCrkhnQExgPzg6Xh4 | b2t13r | {
"description": "not originally inviting the bride's sister-in-law to the bachelorette party? or for thinking she's a bit of a brat",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not originally inviting the bride's sister-in-law to the bachelorette party? Or for thinking she's a bit of a brat? | Okay, so. My best friend (the bride) is getting married in June and asked me to be her maid of honour. Of course, part of that is planning the bachelorette party, and the hardest part of THAT task is coordinating schedules among other adult women. When I asked my bestie for a guest list, she said "bridal party only". Well, two of the bridesmaids are Bride's nieces... But not their mom, who isn't Bride's sister, but actually her ex-sister-in-law (SIL going forward). (Long story short, bride's brother effed off to the other side of the state, got another woman pregnant, THEN divorced SIL who is still treated like family by Bride's parents. Brother has no further bearing in the story; Bride doesn't even want him at the wedding.)
So I set off to call SIL and find out when their father has visitation in early June so I can plan a date for the party. Her response was, "But aren't I invited too?" I told her that Bride had given me a list of people to get for the party, and it was for the bridal party only per her wishes. I could tell SIL was upset at that point, and she said she'd have to check a calendar and call me back.
This was three days ago. I've heard nothing back. And then today I learned that first, SIL went to Bride's mom crying because she wasn't invited and pitched a fit. Then, about two hours ago, Bride texted me saying that she went ahead and asked SIL to be a bridesmaid, partly because one of the previous ones dropped out and Bride needs four maids to balance the groom's party.
So I guess tomorrow I'm going to try to reach out to SIL for Attempt #2 to coordinate with her. 🙄 | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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