id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
NZFS5bLoOdbfMfMGHv2x3tks50PerZkR | aunlvl | {
"description": "no longer hanging out with my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for no longer hanging out with my cousin ? | My cousin and I have always been incredibly close. We do everything together and pretty much hang out all the time. I moved away to college and that has kind of changed our relationship as she’s still in high school. She and her boyfriend have been together for a year now.
Recently, I’ve noticed that she tends to blow me off to hang out with him. I usually don’t mind if they had plans before I came home. I wouldn’t even mind if he came to hang out with us too. Lately though even if we do have plans she blows us off to be with him (not just me her other friends too). We could be out to dinner or hanging with friends and she’ll suddenly leave to go be with him.
The biggest instance was that she and I planned to attend a party. It was a party we had been planning to go to for months. We’d bought matching outfits (it was a pajama party) and made sure to clear our work schedules to have that night off. Before I came home we both made sure to have no other plans. The night of the party, I got dressed and hung out in the living room watching Netflix. I was waiting for her to get off work so that she could get ready. We weren’t trying to be early so she still had time.
Once she comes home, she sits on the couch and complains that she has nothing to wear. I was confused by this and asked her about the pajamas we ordered. She revealed that she didn’t even get them. I wasn’t so angry at that because she’s in high school and we can’t always afford everything. So I suggest a different pair of pajamas that she already had. She says it’s not for that. That she and her boyfriend have a date in an hour. I thought that was weird since the party was in an hour. So I asked her how was she going on a date and we had the party. This party that I didn’t know anyone else at and that she was so excited to go to.
She says that she and her boyfriend made plans two days ago to go out tonight. That they were going to the movies and out to dinner. Okay, this left me with no one to attend that party with because I didn’t want to go alone. So I sit and watch as she gets dressed for this date and leaves. I consider waiting until their date is over & still attending the tail end of the party with her. I check Snapchat and she and her boyfriend are in fact not at the movies but at an arcade that’s far from where we live. I thought it would make me seem jealous if I kept bringing up the fact that she blows me off so I attended the party anyways. I didn’t want to make her feel bad but also felt bad myself.
So every time since then she’s suggested to hang out I’ve declined. I try not to be passive aggressive when it comes to telling her why. Even her best friend has stopped hanging out with her because of the constant blowing off.
AITA for no longer wanting to hang out with her ?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WLNZAruUihYK3qiRro4fYTNGvcngtess | 9vrwu7 | {
"description": "not being honest about lack of sex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being honest about lack of sex? | My girl and I have been together for 10 years. I'm 32 and she's 28. We have two children together, ages 3 and 1. I realize it's hard to get a moment's peace let alone some action, but I miss it so. I bring it up from time to time and that only gets me "pity sex". The come on make it quick. I honestly liked it at first, but now it's just sad. In all honesty I'd rather just masterbate as it's the same amount of gratification. When I try and open up about it she gets defensive and the "ok let's get this over with" vibe. I know she loves me, she always wants to sit on my lap, give me kisses, snuggle, long hugs, ect. Ect. I love that, but I want more to our physical relationship.
So now when I crave it I just keep it inside. For days at a time, I'm not angry, or passive, just... silent. She believes I'm in deep thought. Though I know of I bring it up, it'll just be more of the same reaction.
TL;DR I hide the fact I'm disappointed in the lack of sex with my gf of 10 years, it's hard to make time, but dammit I want the time! If brought up she gives in with the "just take it" attitude. AITA for just being silent eventhough she knows something is wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
d4qMEWsluwc5MKeTqJa8l5nl7Aq1e7dY | a17ozm | {
"description": "playing more games than my friend and leveling/ranking up faster than him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for playing more games than my friend and leveling/ranking up faster than him? | Over the years my friend and I have bought games for each other and to play with each other. The problem shows up because he has always had way less time to play video games than me.
During high school he would play lots of sports all year round. I didn’t like sports and most extracurricular activities so I would be home playing my games without him. Now we are both graduated and he has a full time job. I also have a job but its a lot less demanding than his. Again I am home a lot more.
He bought Red Dead Redemption and we’ve been excited about playing online together. Today it released for launch day players, he has to work and I don’t. I told him I would only play the single player part in the beginning and that’s all. I would stop at the point we could play together. So really I wouldn’t be ranking up anymore than he would.
Now because it was bought on his account he threatened to take it away if I even played the **solo** part before him. He had called me a dick for being unable to wait for him. I would understand that Im a dick if i got straight to online without him but i only wanted to do the solo mission at the start of online.
So, Am I The Asshole for wanting to play a game that we’ve both been excited about since the story release? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
IOj1IO9soRY9UVi7dXxVsFpwMo4ExvRt | ah5eam | {
"description": "telling my gf we need to sleep in the same bed if we move in together",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for telling my GF we need to sleep in the same bed if we move in together? | My GF and I are both in our mid-twenties, and we've been dating for almost two years. We've had our ups and downs as with all relationships, but it's been mostly up, and we really enjoy the time we spend together. As our two year anniversary approaches, the topic of us moving in together has come up. We are both excited about the prospect, but there is one major sticking point. She wants us to have separate bedrooms.
​
She says she needs as much space as possible to sprawl out in order to get a good night's sleep. To be fair to her, I know this to be the case. Sleepovers have been rare in our relationship, and the next morning she always makes some off-hand comment along the lines of "\[yawn\], oh, Im just so tired today" or "I really did not sleep well last night." It's never the best night sleep for me either, but right now, both of us have full-sized beds. I have offered to buy us a king-size mattress if we move in together, but she still insists that won't be enough space, and we should have separate bedrooms.
​
The other day, the topic came up again, and I told her it was non-negotiable for me that we sleep in the same bed if we move in together. I've always looked forward to the day I move in with a significant other cause I love the idea of waking up next to a beautiful girl everyday. Maybe that makes me old-fashioned, but it's something I really want at some point in my life. I told her I'd be willing to buy a pull-out sofa for the living room where I could sleep on nights where getting a good night's rest was really important for her.
​
But she kinda snapped and asked me "why is it such a big deal to me?" and told me I was being selfish and not compromising enough. This kinda hurt me because I feel I do a lot of compromising in the relationship, which I told her. She said I was asking her to compromise on something vitally important to her mental health, and I was being an asshole. We patched things up later that night but the bed issue remains unresolved...
​
To be frank, I think she's being a little dramatic about it, and a king size bed will be more than enough space for us to both get a comfortable night's sleep. If I really felt it would be detrimental to her, I would be fine with separate bedrooms, but most couples sleep in the same bed, and it works out so I'm sure she would adjust.
​
So tell me jury of my peers, am I the asshole in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
TE4gkKYsTQWBUV3uIbMxFpJRQIr6oieE | amdsww | {
"description": "wanting my so to stick to what time they say they'll come home",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for wanting my SO to stick to what time they say they’ll come home? | A lot of details here I can’t get into for length but the short of it is my SO has in the past taking advantage of going out and staying out very late without keeping me in the loop. The behavior wasn’t purposely done to be inconsiderate, but there is a history in our relationship of them prioritizing their job, friends, and family over us.
It’s hard to sit at home and go to sleep without knowing that someone you care about is ok. I finally had enough of the stress after a bigger fight and we agreed that together we would establish a time that they would be home by so I can be eased. The home by time isn’t dictated by myself, they’ll usually suggest it based on whatever the outing is and I’ll agree. Seems to be reasonable to me. You let people know when you’ll meet them or what time you’ll stop over so letting them also know what time you’re leaving seems to be along the same vein.
Well, during the recent outing they were having a good time and wanted to stay out later and passively were dancing around saying so in a text, with the goal of getting me to suggest they stay out later. I didn’t. They got back on the dot of the agreed upon time so all good but I was a bit annoyed that they tried to guilt trip me into saying they should stay out later so I brought it up.
Three hours of fighting later and I’m be accused of everything under the sun as well as be controlling and how other people in relationships don’t have to let their SOs know what time they’ll be back by, etc, etc.
I think most other people do let their SOs know around what time they’ll be home by. To me it doesn’t matter what other people do in their relationships anyway. Maybe they don’t, but maybe they haven’t had issues in their relationship where one person is constantly taking advantage of the others time and not being made to feel like a priority.
I made it clear to them that I don’t even like doing this as it makes me feel like I’m monitoring their comings and goings but if we don’t try something, they’ll continue to take advantage without self awareness or admission.
In an ideal world, after a pattern of times of sticking to coming home at the agreed upon time then we could drop it as it would prove t me that a change behavior has been made and we can go back to simply that they’ll be back whenever they’re done.
I don’t know. I already know that ITA when you look at the basics of it. That it looks like I’m telling them when they have to be home by. But like I said, there’s a history there of taking advantage of my time and the importance of this relationship getting equal priority as the other important things in life; family, friends, job.
So let me have it. If IATA then I need called out. Do most couples not give each other general times they’ll back from being out at planned events? I’m not talking about food shopping or anything unpredictable but more like a work get together. To me, if we agreed upon a time it’s up to the person that’s out to keep their word as best as they can and not let peers pressure them into breaking that promise. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
Er9SkO28n4Sn4ssHv5L6yETBvmeVyIYc | aep4xh | {
"description": "saying my partner didnt do anything in a subtle way during the project presentation",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for saying my partner didnt do anything in a subtle way during the project presentation? | i'll make it short :
the prof asked how was that workload distrubuted
before i couldn't say anything, my partner said : " he did more than me "
i felt that was misleading, so i corrected him, and said the plain truth : " he only did this, but it was not up to my standard, and i have evaluated that starting over would take less time and effort than improving his work. also i did the rest "
so yeah, that implied he did nothing that mattered in the final version, but i didn't want to say it outright... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
bhG14j6qLCDddUWMUGQVmzdffPnqbtGx | b007dz | {
"description": "not letting my girlfriend move in with an obsessed boy",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting my girlfriend move in with an obsessed boy? | So a bit of context, my girlfriend (of 2 years) and myself both live at home with our respective parents parents. I am at uni and working a part time job while she’s working full time. Currently for me, moving out is not financially possible meanwhile she is not happy with living at home and wants to move out. The boy who’s offered her to move in works with her and furthermore he used to be obsessed with her (about 2 months ago) I’m talking she told him she liked dominos cookies once and he sent 15 boxes to her house without her knowing. He’s also tried to get her multiple times on work night outs and she’s politely rejected him. He’s now said he’s moved on but I’m not sure to believe him or not. I trust her enough to not cheat etc but I’m just not so comfortable with her moving in with him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kz93gNvQjRQ7AZoAYW9ST6EhLhKfEHuJ | b027ad | {
"description": "throwing palm tree leaves from my neighbor's trees back over their fence",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for throwing palm tree leaves from my neighbor's trees back over their fence? | My neighbor has three palm trees that keep dropping fronds over to our yard. Whenever there is strong winds we always find a large amount of these large leaves in our back yard and we are tired of dealing with it. The neighbor refuses to do anything about it despite having gardeners to help her with this. The only thing we can do now is throw them back over her fence so she can deal with it. Am I the asshole if I keep this up? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
xOPMsGhKEusGVbeHWLn1By6vsIF4qPDH | aqa6ec | {
"description": "breaking up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up | Me [18M] and a university colleague [24F] were hooking up after some months of consistent chatter on text messages and in campus. We eventually started taking each other more seriously and what started as a FWB type of thing adopted a more commited nature and we kicked it off (at least in my opinion) pretty well.
In January she had to exit university and start working at an office job as she was only there to improve grades and had already finished the classes in themselves. We said we'd give it a shot and keep trying even though we both knew it was harder for both of us to keep such a fragile flicker of a relationship alight even in distance relationship. We both seemed to be on the same page and even though her life was a complicated mess due to legal issues with her family and the fact that she had a 2 year old son, I kinda told myself to make an effort to see if I could pull anything out of this relationship, against most odds.
After work started, she started growing distant almost immediately, I tried to calmly figure out why and she just said that it was hard for her to imagine me being in an environment she's not in anymore and it's hard to continue being herself with me as it filled her with sadness that we weren't physically together anymore, and work had her exhausted. To that, I just responded I understood and would not want from her any time more than what she could give me, as long as she was still the same, and not to stress it as we had agreed to meet on weekends and anytime we could, when she indeed had time. This exchange seemed to me to be pretty healthy and she kind of grew closer for 2-3 days before growing distant again, but I just told myself she was tired and needed her own space and let it be for a while.
Anyway, fast forward about a month of speaking for maybe 15 minutes a day via text and although we agreed to meet everytime we had the possibility, every single weekend she had something important to do or there wasn't enough time for anything. She briefly mentioned she was troubled one night and I tried to seize on that opportunity to get any new type of insight on where we were standing and she just closed on me. At this point our arguments were starting to grow more frequent as I was starting to feel like she wasn't really into this relationship to begin with, and I admit I was maybe brash during this period of time, as I have a short temper naturally and maybe didn't handle the "conversations" in the most ideal manner.
On a Thursday, I gave the idea that I could catch a train and walk to her house (I don't have a driver's license yet) during her lunch break just to give her a kiss and leave her to it on the next day, see each other and kill a bit of the missing. She said it was a good idea but she had to confirm on her schedule. She then proceeded to never mention it again, and as I was sick of being the one to invite her and mention meeting I waited to see if it would ever surface again, be it in confirmation or denial. She never addressed it again. I made a test not to mention meeting in the weekend to see if she would take initiative and ask about being together and again, not only did she not mention it, she spent the entirety of Saturday "with her family" and basically didn't message me at all, not even to say if everything was alright. I let it ride until Sunday and despite her going to a popular traditional party in my immediate neighborhood (I could get there walking in 5 minutes) she neglected to tell me she was close-by the entire day, disappearing from morning to noon without a word, despite her supposed hype to meet me whenever she could, again with the pretext she was with her family. I've been with her son before so I wouldn't say that's a problem, I actually really like the little fella and we play around just fine.
Anyway on that Sunday night, when she told me she was in my vicinity and never took a shot to meet, I was close to snapping, but tried to keep it cool and probe where exactly was all this strangeness coming from, which I really didn't expect at all from her. To me we always kind of clicked and got along really nicely. At this point, conversation never really worked with her, talking was impossible and she would generally just ignore the subject I was bringing up and pounce on some term I used that she could attack or would just resort to the "hms" and the "okays". So as I was trying to work this through with her and showing the discontented state I was in, she just said she felt tired and was going to bed (at 21:30). At that point I snapped and broke everything off, and I also said some pretty mean things in the process.
Am I the asshole? Was any of this justified? Should I have waited longer? I feel like I handled it with relative calm and comprehension, especially before it started to fatigue me. I know the age gap between us may have played a huge part, but if she was unwilling to give it a shot wouldn't she just have cut it off when she was leaving? Why lead me on? Was I only an option when she could have me physically? She always had a kid and her family was doing really well, even with all the legal stress. What could I have done differently? I feel like an asshole for breaking it off so abruptly, especially at a time when she was supposedly so vulnerable, but I really felt like she was purposefully avoiding our relationship, and ended it all in a sorrow state.
TL;DR: younger man gets involved with older woman before she starts to work and he breaks up on a fit of maybe unjustifiable rage | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tLeBsUeSPDnWg53rOyGwtdil76jZEBqw | au95p3 | {
"description": "telling my stepdad the truth about what happened to my mom's engagement ring",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA if I told my stepdad the truth about what happened to my mom's engagement ring? | Hi all,
So this has been eating away at my conscience for years and this happened about 10 years ago when I was 8. My mom was living with my stepdad and we lived in Arizona. A year before that, my stepdad sent us away to my grandma's house for no reason at all, but my mom saw some dating sites in his cousin's computer history, so she accused him of "cheating" on her with girls on the internet. Well, the next year my mom and I went on a little "trip" to Mississippi because that's where we were originally from. Well, my mom completely lied to my stepdad about what happened when we got there. About a month prior to us going to MS my mom met this guy on Myspace named "Mike" but my mom wanted to keep him a secret so made me refer to Mike as "him". When we got to MS she sold her engagement ring to a pawn shop and then we went to Mike's place and I honestly thought he was gonna be my new dad. Mike and my mom would spend most of the day in the bedroom doing god knows what in there while I would be in the living room playing Tony Hawk's American wasteland all day. Well, it didn't work out the way mom thought and we ended up going back to my stepdad. She completely lied to him and even said she "lost" the ring and was with her friend over there and he actually believes it still. Now, I would let this stay buried, but almost ANY time they get into some sort of argument (usually my mom screaming at my stepdad while he tries his best to ignore her) she ALWAYS mentions how he "cheated" on her because of the online stuff and she still has NEVER told him the truth. It really boils my blood and I don't know what to do | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
Wvn33rWqrEU2VzM5tIpDo6to2eUtvata | av4ziw | {
"description": "not having the results of a test I took sent to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For not having the results of a test I took sent to my mom? | So in my state you can apply to skip and get the credit for a high school course if you take a test and pass their required standards. I applied to do this process for one of the courses offered and passed the initial exam. I show this to my parents (specifically my mom) who had previously knew of me taking the test, and contrary to what I had expected, she isn't very happy. Students enrolled at my school have a school email set up for them, so when the organizers asked for an email which the results would be send to, I filled that one in. My mom got kinda pissed and said that I wasn't respecting her by not having them sent to her email. In this situation am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Q5WZDH0oHmvtPiJpU9CdWDaNGPw3HTQs | 9zs3ii | {
"description": "not wanting a relationship with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting a relationship with my dad? | I'm trans. This is relevant because it's the cause of 90% of the issues in this post.
Anyways, my dad is really homo/transphobic, and pretty racist as well- he doesn't know I'm trans. Said if he could he'd break a gay guy's nose (the guy was on tv), calls most black teenagers "thugs", has gone on a racist rant about Muslims/Arabs in public, etc. He has said that "if" I were gay or trans, he could never accept me, and would kick me out.
I don't want to try winning his acceptance once I come out. So unless he's willing to change and not be hateful, I don't want to have a relationship with him once I move out.
The caveat here is that my brother and my mom, who know I'm trans, think that he is/was only joking, and that I'm overreacting.
Does this make me a bad person? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5AipCoGAyapidRlU40ecoHVt3xcmPCbA | arn0m1 | {
"description": "requesting to drop a class with a teacher that keeps cancelling",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for requesting to drop a class with a teacher that keeps cancelling? | I’m in school and honestly barely scraping by. So paying $1300 for each course I take is kind of tough. But I’m doing it. This semester the school places me in this course (they place you in classes and you can request to switch with the admin once the schedule is released) and honestly, it’s the biggest load of shit ever.
The professor has only held 3 regular sessions, he has canceled last minute and scheduled make ups for the other ones. Oh. And he’s cancelled all the make-ups as well. At this point, I’ve literally only seen him once because I myself was absent (within school policy for absences). This week he did it again. Cancelling regular time class, rescheduling to a different day, and cancelling that one last minute.
I got fed up and emailed the school requesting that I be able to drop this course and take another one next quarter since I have payed for a full course and should actually be able to fucking have a class. I really empathize and understand that personal issues have stopped the professor from being in class, but I find this level of behavior to be extremely unprofessional.
I still feel bad because he seems like a good teacher, and I don’t even know if they’ll accept my request or if I’ll have to take it higher up (it’s a pretty small school so it’s actually literally right upstairs). But I’m paying for this and should actually benefit, right? He hasn’t assigned a SINGLE project or given any instructions whatsoever. Just basically talked about what the course is “supposed to be” and not actually taught anything. Honestly, I’m just so fucking frustrated. He goes on and on about us needing to make an effort, yet he is doing zero on his part. I’m exhausted. There’s literally only 2 classes left before the end of the semester, and I just think it’s bullshit I’ve had to pay for this.
I’m just wondering, AITA? Should I just shut up and sit through it cause he’s the teacher and it’s up to him? Am I a jerk for calling him out and requesting more professionalism from the school? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PboCwp8QkJ8pKFbpsIAHPbRxBUHOkeMw | ba0mg4 | {
"description": "not saying \"excuse me\" out loud",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not saying "excuse me" out loud? | I work at a hookah house that has live concerts everyday it opens. When there are bands playing, it is really hard to talk normally, so we usually go for the mouth-to-ear conversation when taking requests from customers.
One of the things that we do is provide an additional coffee table with a hookah if there are none available, they are not heavy but it is a pain to carry since there are no gripping points and hookah vases can be easily broken.
So this one time my colleague asks me to open way through the crowd so she can take the additional hookah to where it needs to be.
As usual to live concerts, there is no way you're going to ask everyone in front of you to give space so you can pass.
So I start creating room by putting my arms through an space and pushing to the side (I didn't shove anyone, just made sure that they recognized me).
After I "pushed" one lady that didn't even took the eyes from the stage, just moved to the side, one man puts the hand on my shoulder and starts telling me that I should say "excuse me" before "pushing" people. To me it sounded as an absurdity as there is no possible way that I'm going to go to everyone's ear and ask for room while my partner is carrying a hookah.
I just say "yeah yeah right" and turn my back.
AITA for going through the crowd like that? AITA for giving that response to that man or was he just trying to white knight a talk with the girl?
Tl;dr : Customer scolds me for not saying "excuse me" as I went through a crowd during a live concert.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NY4OALEB4yQfD9KWIffqYQ1RmvTFubjd | b1yqib | {
"description": "criticising my bfs gross house",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for criticising my bfs gross house | He always complains that he spends all his time at my house but when I try to spend time at his it's just too disgusting. I can't handle it andevery time I come over I just have to say something. He says "I'm a guest and you should criticise other people's houses and I should just leave" I'm not Trying to be rude I just don't understand how he can live like this and I think its a huge problem he should address.
I'm pretty sure it hasn't been cleaned since his mum died a few years ago and he lives here with his autistic brother, so some mess is excusable. However it is literaly a crack house with no crack, I woke up after we had an argument about it last night with a baby cockroach on the pillow. I can't walk around the house with bare feet becaude theyll get covered in dirt, I won't even mention the toilet.
I spennt the first night here in ages hoping I could deal to see him but I can't. Yeah I could just not come here but then I wouldn't see him as often and he whines about spending too much time at my house. Really I'm just baffled that he doesn't think this is a problem and that I'm being rude by bringing it up.
Tbh Im pretty sure I'm NTA but just prove it to him I hope.
TLDR: boyfriends house is gross as fuck I can't stay here and he has an argument with me for criticising it because he thinks it's rude. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ca1vvqkzeiIoDDY2XVVuGCn59Iv244TF | b1mv5w | {
"description": "inviting my friend's ex to my birthday but not letting her bring her other ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for inviting my friend's ex to my birthday but not letting her bring her other ex? | One of my best friends and I became part of a new friend group last year. She began 'dating' one of the guys in this group halfway through last year, although I use that term loosely because they didn't really like each other, according to her it was all just a bunch of sex she did not enjoy. They broke up because they just didn't see the relationship going anywhere. She isn't his biggest fan as he can often be quite cringey, being a stereotypical horny guy in his 20s who works out, only talks about job-related things, and didn't really know how to make my friend get off when they were together. A few times she has been so annoyed by this guy just existing that she wanted to 'kill him on the spot'. Personally, I don't mind the guy, he's just there. If he talks to me, I'll chat with him for a while and overall not have a terrible time. I really don't think he's that bad of a guy. In the end, he's part of the group and I think we should be accepting of him. Let's call this guy F.
​
So, cut to my birthday this Wednesday. I had decided, that with him being part of the group, I should invite him as I had invited everyone else and I hate excluding people. He asked if he could bring over a friend (female) and I told him that sure, it wasn't an issue. Later on in the night, my friend pulled me aside and asked me if she could bring over her other ex, let's call him J.
​
Now. I really dislike J. The guy makes me uncomfortable, he has made my friend cry, belittled her, invalidated her feelings, and overall been an asshole to her. She used to really like him and after not talking for a long while, they have begun reconnecting. Although this doesn't really make me very happy, it's not my place to judge her and I have told her that I will support her as long as she knows what she's getting into. Then again, this does not mean I wanted J at my party. At all.
​
I told her she couldn't tell J to come over and then she brought up the fact that I had invited F. She was upset about this, and did not understand why I had invited him and yet did not want to have J over. I told her that J stresses me out, he makes me uncomfortable, and I just don't want him at my birthday party. Whereas with F, I have no issue with, he is part of our friend group, and I had never seen her cry over him.
​
She told me that F made her incredibly uncomfortable, there were things about their relationship I don't know about, I had even let him bring a female friend along, and that I hadn't asked her about whether or not it was okay for me to invite him to my party. She said all this with tears in her eyes, which honestly made me feel like shit, and in the end, after everything, when I told her that I had no reason to exclude F from a gathering where everyone else would go to, she told me, "what about the fact that I'm your friend?"
​
Am I the asshole here? Thanks for reading, guys. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1xJyO7mGuJavwdDK5m7muEKh8a9JEdsJ | 9xi760 | {
"description": "paying to evict my brother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for paying to evict my brother? | For as long as I can remember, my brother has been a giant pain in the ass to our family. I'm not sure exactly what is wrong with him, but he is prone to emotionally abusive behavior, dramatic outbursts, and other toxic behaviors including (but not limited to) gaslighting, screaming, and property damage. He has, in the past few years, admitted he has a mental health problem. He says he has been diagnosed with moderate PTSD from his childhood. Our father was an alcoholic and my mother has bipolar disorder.
Over the past 10 years he has gotten married, divorced, dropped out of college 3 times, had 2 children, physically abused his wife, lost at least 3 decent jobs, ruined a plethora of vehicles... all while moving back in with our mother, who he does NOT get along with. The two are horrible for one another.
Things came to a head today between my mom and brother. He put a hole in the wall of the house she rents and has spent all day berating her. When I called him to confront him about it, he went on a tirade about how bad I treat him and how horrible I am since I got out of poverty. I was willing to let it go, but then he started saying how much he wishes I would die and goes on to say many insulting things about my wife.
So, I decided I'm tired of his shit. I called my mom back and said I will pay for any eviction paperwork she wants. His ex wife and children also live there because their home got caved in by a tree falling in there. If she goes through with the eviction, he is most likely going to become homeless.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Odc7Yuyivpjr6BE8JIG86tXrAOOUCK3g | a1jq65 | {
"description": "helping a girl with school work for a blowjob",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA for helping a girl with school work for a blowjob | Before anyone gets the wrong impression I’m the same age as her (both 15)
Basically I was casually talking to this girl who I’m mates with and she’s been on holiday last 2 weeks and I told her we’ve got mocks for GCSEs coming up. She said she was fucked and I agreed with her. Then she asked me I could help her jokingly then said wat do I get for it. Then she said I’ll give u a blowjob for it. At this point I was shocked and asked if she’s being serious and she said yeah so I said of course.
WIBTA for taking her up on this and get a blowjob of her or should I be a mate and do it for nothing | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
r8GAhnBI9XagMqytnTpxq0U2Cf3Tdiub | ayhp54 | {
"description": "telling my wife no about having another baby",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my wife no about having another baby? | I'm on mobile bla bla bla.....
So a couple days ago me and my wife had a serious argument but we solved it like adults and no one left, no one slept in a different room.
We've been having lots of minor arguments over the past few months and 2 nights ago my wife brought the idea of having a baby, that now it was the time to have one and me of course agreed! I love babies and our current one is about to turn 2, so the next day was gona be THE day and while at work I was having second thoughts and decided we needed to take a step back and thin it through again.
My reasoning was that I wanted to make sure we were in good terms and that it would stay that way for a really long time instead of a few weeks and then go back to arguing. I dont want my wife or our future baby to go through arguments during the pregnancy since I didn't want to complicate things in our relationship and then it getting even worse.
So a couple hours before the time came I told my wife that it was not happening and long story short I apologized and hoped for the best and she told me she was really exited that she was really looking forward to it and for me to just say no at the last minute was heartbreaking... AITA for preventing something that may or may not happen if we didn't stay in good terms for a while? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
SIA0JBE04fndq7TWsycgPsOEiBJxdRKy | alsqza | null | AITA | My wife and I are separated but I still live in the house for the next few weeks. Last night we agreed that she could go out as long as she came home before 6am so that I could take the car to work. We have two vehicles, a small car and a minivan. We also have five children. She watches the kids during the day Monday through Friday and I let her do whatever else she wants to do at night every night except for Monday and every other Saturday. This is just a temporary arrangement until I move out then we will be doing a 50-50 custody arrangement.
Anyways.
She texts me at 545am this morning asking me if she could stay longer and if I could just take the van. I say no, she needs the van because it can hold all the children and has all the carseats. She says that she doesn't need the van or the carseats and that she wants to sleep in. I tell her that she might need them in the event of an emergency. She says that she doesn't care and that I need to take the van. We argue some more and then she says she has changed her mind and doesn't want to come home until 9 and then blocks my phone number. I end up being late for work since i'm trying to contact her and I don't want to take the van.
I call her again at 9am and she says she has called the kids and told them to eat breakfast and then hangs up on me. At this point I don't know if she actually will be at home so I leave work and arrive at home at 930 and she is nowhere to be found. I text her, no response. She walks in the door at 10am and I tell her I would like to take the car back to work. She disagrees and starts yelling and cussing at me telling me she won't let me win and that I don't get whatever I want. I tell her all I have in mind is the best interests of the children in mind. She drives away while telling me to eat a bag of dicks and to go fuck myself over and over. I call her friend and ask her friend to just talk to her, that is all I say. She comes back at 11am and I take the car to work but screams at me until I drive away. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6Fp10I9yp4YLDew6zin8vGW9joEG66Qr | agmh5s | {
"description": "refusing to some possessions at home",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I refused to some possessions at home? | When I was 12, I started listening to classical orchestral music and I loved it. A couple months after I turned thirteen, I started working some neighborhood jobs so that I could afford to buy (almost) every instrument of the orchestra and maybe find some online courses to learn. I want(ed) to be a composer for video games and movies, and orchestral music is good for those. I thought it would be a good idea to record them for approval, so I would want the instruments and the skill to play them for that purpose.
I completed my collection around my 16th birthday. I found some courses online that I paid for with leftover money and took a year to learn all the instruments. When I was satisfied with my ability to play these instruments, I recorded some music I composed while I was still collecting.
I turned 18 recently and my adoptive parents want me to leave my instruments at home for their biological kids (who, by the way, have NO interest in playing an instrument. They've told me before. They've said stuff like, "I think its really cool that you can create music and play all those instruments, but that's not really my thing even though mom and dad want me to play an instrument."). They want me to leave them so that the kids will have "a wide variety" to choose from.
I don't want to leave the instruments, and I want to tell them I refuse.
WIBTA for making this decision? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
i852zNkZdM2cgcQPlsxVMIlmtXXD5OmL | b12tzi | {
"description": "canceling on a client",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for canceling on a client? | I have a small Petsitting, housesitting business and get some of my clients on an app called next door.
Someone posted about needing an overnight dog sitter and lots of my clients recommended me which I was so happy! The people ended up contacting me and I went to meet them, only one dog which I was kind of bummed as I don’t make much money on single dog homes.
I’m chronically ill and this is the only job I’ve been able to pay my bills, there is a camp near me that is specifically for chronically ill kids and is completely free of charge, I went last year and it was so fun! However this is my last year I’m able to go due to my age. I come to find out the dates of the camp is the exact dates the client had booked me. I had a tough decision and talked to my family about it and they agreed I should not miss my last year of camp.
The clients had booked the dates about 3 months in advance, when I messaged them it was about 2 months to the dates they needed. So I let them know I would not be able to do the original dates and offered a 50% discount for their next booking (which leaves me to make 0 money since it is a 1 dog household)
His reply was
“This puts us in a very bad situation, I thought we had that date locked in. We also had you booked for the (other dates) please disregard that as well”
Then a couple days later he sends me another message
“Considering you didn’t give a reason for canceling over a month away I can only guess it is personal and not professional, either way I’m not going to wonder if you can make a date work for you. I need reliability so we will not be using your services”
Ouch it kinda hurts because I’m just a tiny business ran by just myself. Today I looked on next door and he had posted this message for all my neighbors.
“So we contacted (my name) since several people here and elsewhere recommended her we booked her for a date over a month out and two weeks later she cancelled with no explanation and offered a 50% discount next time. Why would I try again when she could just cancel, we will not be using her services”
I feel like he needs someone who is a robot and can say yes to every date he gives. Is that bad of me to say?
(Note he continues to say I canceled only a month out when I know for sure it was two months as I canceled March 1 and their dates are the end of April)
Do I need to give him an explanation ? AITA for canceling for something personal? Did I handle this ok? Why do I feel so guilty??
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xPfWJvwsECoVU0itbIeojSVnx8HC8VXw | ab49yp | {
"description": "only spending 30$ on my Reddit Secret Santa",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for only spending 30$ on my Reddit Secret Santa? | I don't live in the US but I've participated for the fifth time in the Reddit secret santa gift exchange.
This year I was matched with a girl from Michigan who indicated in her profile that she recently moved and liked baking. To save money on shipping from Europe I went on Amazon and chose baking tools for her to create one of my favorite baked goods, macarons. I chose a set of three stainless steel wire whisks, two high quality silicone baking mats with macarons template and a stainless steel bench scraper, totaling $29,40. Instead of paying additional money on express shipping I added two Amazon basics locking suction cup hooks for $1,68 to bring the total of the items over $30 and get free prime shipping. All items arrived on December 21.
With the gifts I sent her a five part note and in the post script I explained why the two peculiar but probably very useful hooks were amongst the items.
Having received her gifts on the 21st not only did she not wait till the 24th (rude! :O ) but she sends me the following note in gratitude:
https://i.imgur.com/KK3x0jN_d.jpg
**
"While they did take my love for baking & go with that, I feel like my secret Santa really did the bare minimum of gift giving (and that’s okay). What’s sad is that it’s people like this who ruin the spirit and meaning of secret Santa. Things like this aren’t supposed to be selfish. If you can’t afford the $30 minimum, don’t sign up. It’s the giving season and I took this whole thing really seriously. You shouldn’t only be in it for the gifts you receive. I’m thankful for what I got, but overall, disappointed in my secret Santa’s clear lack of enthusiasm and apparent selfishness."**
I was hesitant to even participate this time after the disappointments in the last years. Having not received any gift myself in 2 out of the last 4 exchanges excluding this year where no gift has so far arrived, again...
So Reddit give it to me straight, am I the asshole for not spending more money on this Christmas gift for a total stranger? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OLEjJ2g6Bpw2avo4OmmU1KQ86lyuRaK0 | awvijf | {
"description": "yelling at my brother for dumping coffee that was several days old",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for yelling at my brother for dumping coffee that was several days old? | I live with my girlfriend and my brother. As we were all getting around, making our breakfast Sunday morning, my brother takes the coffee pot over to the sink to dump it because it is several days old. I'm not one to waste, and I don't mind drinking old coffee, so I say to him, "Hey don't dump that, I'll drink it."
When I said this to him, he was poised at the sink to dump it, but hadn't started yet. He looks me in the face, blankly, then starts to pour it out. So I say to him, just a little clearer in case he didn't hear me (unlikely), "Hey, don't dump that, I'll drink it."
He stops and again, looks up at me, but this time with a look kind of like, I heard you the first time, but I don't care. So this time I say it again, with annoyance clear in my voice, --"Don't dump that, I'll drink that."--
At this point my gf chimes in with, "We have no idea how old that is, it's probably disgusting." So then my brother looks at me with a mix of annoyance and shut-up-I-know-what-I'm-doing. He began to pour.
Now I really don't care how old the coffee is; I've brewed a pot on Monday, and finished it on Friday. As long as there's not mold in the grounds, I'm good. So I'm really okay with drinking this coffee. In fact, all of the static I'm getting over this coffee makes me want it just to prove a point.
Clearly irritated I say to my brother, somewhat shouting, "Are you retarded!? I said, 'don't dump that I'll drink it!'" With defiance abound he dumps the rest of the pot down the sink, all the while looking me in the eyes with a smug, take-that look.
So I began to berrate him, and clearly state my frustration as to why he dumped it, I was fine with drinking it, I didn't care how awful it may be, etcetera, etcetera. When my gf tells me to calm down, it's just old coffee.
TL;DR: My brother dumped out old coffee that I told him I wanted several times, so I wigged on him, and my girlfriend told me to relax it's not a big deal. Was I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
n1rnmeYaRzUldeBdP4xQX9C0zeHL5etU | aewoik | {
"description": "wanting to kick my father in-law out",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to kick my father in-law out | He has been living with is for less than a month but I never really even wanted him there. Because he is a drunk and sometimes doesn't even work my wife convinced me to let him in but when he asked how.much I was going to pay I said a number and she immediately said a lower number. The guys is like 50 and drinks most of the time he is an alcoholic and I mean aren't you a little to old to be living with your daughter and son I law? I don't even feel comfortable in my one place and I hate that feeling. Also for context he drinks and goes from motel to motel when ever he lived with one of the other of his sons and daughter he would always get drunk and immediately go talk and start arguing with the mom call her names and stuff like that. He wanted to fight me once when I used to live in my other apartment and the mom lived with us because he was so coked out yet when confronted he didn't remember anything or was acting stupid. I personally don't want him there and don't know how to tell my wife right now he has no where to go but I feel like that isn't my problem the guys I to old to be acting like a dumb drunk teenager. No I can't have any of my family over or sibling because they feel uncomfortable as fuck. He said he was going to stop drinking probably do we could give him a chance to stay there but just started recently again even drank most of my beers -.-
So Am I The Asshole for not wanting my father in law to live with us because of all past and present issues and the fact that he shouldn't be my problem as he is a grown ass man? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fUoyz9P1JaNm5Zd1kd0NUqfEgG2e3o3b | ba7do0 | {
"description": "asking my gf if her increasingly busy work schedule might affect our vacation plans",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my gf if her increasingly busy work schedule might affect our vacation plans? | I (M/44) have been dating my gf (F/41) for two years. We’re each divorced with and have pre-teen children of our own. We each are gainfully employed and work fairly long hours. Lately, my gf has been spending significantly more time at work due to large projects coming due, etc. Yesterday, she and I were talking and she brought up how we’ve been seeing less of each other due to her increased work hours. She said that this was likely how it was going to be from here on.
We currently have a couple of trips planned together. I asked her whether her work might affect our travel plans. She got upset, saying that it was selfish of me to ask her that and that I was making it all about me.
From my point of view, I was asking a legitimate question about whether this change would be affecting things we planned together. But apparently she feels it was wrong of me to ask this. So, am I the asshole for asking this question? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gm9yECLUSYp5YkfybNbfE5yNNIVzi51k | au7qg7 | {
"description": "complaining about my colleague",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for complaining about my colleague | So I've been working with my colleague for 4 years now and we used to get on great but as times gone by I've become conscious that even though we are meant to be equal, I do far more of the day to day work while he tends to spend his time doing extra projects and other work (which I would also much rather be doing). It's grown to the point where he will not do his actual job for weeks on end and I'm stuck covering for him. Over time he's spent less and less time doing his actual job to the point he doesn't seem to even consider it anymore.
It became extreme for a period of 5 months last year where our team was reduced to just the two of us. He'd barely help at all so I was tearing my hair out, doing what was meant to be a 4 person job largely alone while he was still signing up to do anything else and was rewarded with opportunities of trips and training. Yet if anyone mentioned anything to do with our job to him, he'd talk as if he was contributing. People seemed to have the impression that he was managing to do everything and he would be thanked for the extra work he was doing.
I became upset and started complaining to him about it. As I thought we were friends I was hoping we could work together to resolve this ourselves but it just became worse from then and the next thing I know my mid year review stated that I have behaviour issues, am bad at working in a team and get stressed easily.
We then got a new manager and I ended up telling him what was going on and he tried to come up with ways to split the work up more equally but ultimately my colleague barely followed them. It's been months since then and he's helping a tiny bit more but it's still very unbalanced.
I'm sick of this now and have started to kick off. Every one-to-one I have with my manager I end up complaining about my colleague. I've been doing less work in the hope it will force him to do some. Then recently I reported to senior management that my colleague hasn't signed off some reports I wrote months ago (one aspect of this job I can't do entirely on my own) and my colleague had to stay very late to get them done.
I do feel guilty for complaining so much as it's not as if my colleague isn't working at all, he does work hard and frequently stays late. It's the balance between us and how we're treated by others that most upsets me. This has been going on for so long it's like I've developed a vendetta against him and I can barely help but have a go at him any chance I get. Genuinely all I wanted was for us to be a team, each do our share and be friends but it's like I've become obsessed with whether he's doing his job. He will barely talk to me anymore, our friendships pretty much dead. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
3Xu9pvSaYbtih0OJVI0JdRdJqxqKl8fF | atse0d | {
"description": "telling an acquaintance why I'm not talking to her as much",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I told an acquaintance why I'm not talking to her as much? | I met this person, let's call her Chloe, on Discord. We arranged to meet up for a game trade and it was meant to be very short. I went over and she talked a lot about her personal life and current life, which was a bit of a mess. I kind of figured she just needed someone to vent with and while I was not expecting it, I just kind of rolled with it.
Chloe now thinks of me as a friend, while I consider her more of an acquaintance. We don't meet up outside of the game events much, but I have given her a few rides to events and such. I also know a fair amount of information about her personal life since she talks about it a lot.
Now with the rest of the game group, she seems to have something if a reputation for cheating. It's caused people to not want to include her in the game events and deal with her directly because she'll give hacked items for legit ones. There's also been teasing and snide remarks made at her. Assuming that these items are indeed hacked, she's given me hacked items.
She's been messaging me for in game favors, but does not talk to me beyond that. So far I've been making excuses, but it's not really my style. I'm more of a 'this is what's going on and that's why I don't like/talk to you" kind of person. On one hand she's never offended me personally, so telling her off for cheating and asking for favors seems out of line (I don't know if she really cheats or not, but it seems likely she does). On the other hand, avoiding her requests with vague excuses seems a bit double faced, which might be more douchy.
For context when I refer to cheating, I basically mean she manipulates the game to get rare in game items/things that I and most other people in the discord try to get organically. There's also a bit of "I don't want to be associated with her and feel obligated to defend her to others" feelings because a) she might be cheating and b) I don't want to be perceived as a cheat by association. B is a lesser issue since I have some rapport with people, though I wouldn't say I'm buddy buddy with everyone, I don't have beef with anyone. Chloe on the other hand, has had personal issues with some people in the group.
Would I be the asshole if I told her directly that I no longer want her to associate with me in game because I heard she cheats and has traded hacked items with me? I feel like it can be, because it's partly based on rumors and speculation. However, the evidence certainly points that way and I'm also uncomfortable with how she only approaches me for favors now.
But I also feel like by not cutting things off earlier, I've led her to believe she has a friend in me and it can be tough to lose a friend, especially when the group is kind of against her. But on the other hand, I kind of feel like this was a disaster of her own making. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
YYaZ9KH0Sk6bU7Gm8SkE9uZcEA0w2pte | b6zm8s | {
"description": "frequently bringing up my traumatic events and unhealthy behaviour",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for frequently bringing up my traumatic events and unhealthy behaviour? | I (19F) have a few friends and, during these recent years, they noticed that I have unhealthy habits and promiscuous behaviour: basically, I have more “boyfriends” at once, I have sex with people I barely know (even if they’re single or not), I want to try drugs, I wouldn’t go very often to school, I’m vengeful and insult people and so on.
I know that all of these have deep rooted causes and it’s no wonder given the fact that I’ve gone through some impactful events during my childhood. I was slow when I was little and my parents and teachers used to tell me I’m stupid very often. My father died when I was 9. I ended up having no friends in my teenage years and I suffered a lot - I even thought about taking my life when I was 15.
I always talk about my problems to anyone who listens, even though I’m aware they’re not necessarily interested to hear the same story again and again. I bring up this topic when I talk to a friend, to a stranger and so on.
I know I should go to a therapist, but I can’t seem to find a person I feel comfortable with and I don’t want to waste my mom’s money.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
OIOvaICTSqaK4m5scWWs9AcRl8LpBCEB | atktod | {
"description": "fucking my best friend who just broke up with his girlfriend who I have a complicated relationship with",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for fucking my best friend who just broke up with his girlfriend who i have a complicated relationship with? | TLDR at the end.
I’m a 17 year old girl, and I have been really close friends with this guy (17M) for about a year now. About a half year before we became friends, he started dating this girl who has a lot of issues, and she really isn’t particularly nice to him or me. Basically, she was controlling him, and would throw a fit if he spent any time with friends and only wanted to spend one on one time with him. she got really mad every time he talked to anyone but her.
Essentially, last week, he dumped her, but during the breakup, he kept mentioning my name, so now she blames me for the breakup (even though i has nothing to do with it, because i told him not to break up with her). He was just mentioning me in stupid contexts, but still, damage was done.
Anyways, I’ve been wanting to lose my virginity for a while, particularly to this guy because i trust him a lot and know he’s a good person. Plus, he’s very experienced, so I had a feeling it would be a good time, and I knew he also wanted to have sex with me. However, he told a couple people he wanted to fuck me, and she found out and got really mad and said he didn’t have a right to move on.
Regardless, this guy came to a party with me yesterday night, and we had sex (and goddamn it was good).
I kind of feel guilty because this girl is still not over this guy that I have now decided to engage in a sexual relationship with (purely sexual, no strings attached). However, she treated him really badly, and also was really mean to me. Besides, I feel like he has the right to move on!
Anyways, am i the asshole?
TLDR: this guy who is one of my best friends just dumped his bitchy girlfriend who was super controlling. we both expressed interest in having sex, and i lost my virginity to him last night. the ex gf is really mad that he is moving on. We want to continue engaging in sex, but i feel kind of guilty, but at the same time, i think this is a little fair and it’s ok to move on. Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
GvJXa5DNxttl7HhmXN2FdSxlAmNBjCOS | b6qc9h | {
"description": "yelling back at a woman on the train",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for yelling back at a woman on the train? | Got on the train on the way home, after rush hour, so all the seats were taken but it wasn't jam packed. I always wear a backpack and it's not that big, so I generally don't take it off. I'm standing and a woman gets on behind me. The woman was clearly irritated and kept giving me looks and grumbling, but I just ignored it because it's public transit and that's just the kind of shit people do. Eventually though, she tapped me on the shoulder and in the bitchiest voice imaginable said: "Can you *PLEASE* remove your backpack." Okay, whatever Karen! Fuck off. You can just move, so I just ignore her. I haven't felt it hitting her, so I don't know what her problem is with it really other than just wanting to complain. She starts in again, asking me to take it off, and so I just snap back with "When you lose 50 pounds you'll actually fit on the train." She was definitely overweight, and I'm not wrong that her whole body mass took up more space than me and my backpack.
She looks really stunned by this, and a guy in one of the seats tells me to fuck off, and I got off at the next stop because I didn't want to deal with it anymore. She was harassing me over this stupid backpack and I just defended myself. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
3jzyZ7MIyK2wcCm2xLXb6I1EqxA5kT0S | ay0x3r | {
"description": "making my GF's best friend cry",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my GF's best friend cry? | Long story short, my GF's best friend and I do not get along. We have clashing personalities which is fine, I'm not going to be mean to her simply because we don't get along.
In the UK we have a saying "Don't dish it out if you can't take it" meaning don't make fun of someone for banters sake if you can't take it back.
So we were at McDonald's and were enjoying our food, I didn't buy a lot like i usually do (I'm a big guy. 6'6 200+ lbs) as me and my GF were going to dinner later that night with her parents.
My GF's bestfriend buys a ton of food she's never going to finish including a 20 piece chicken McNugget box. As expected, she can't finish her food and asks me if I would like any of them. I politely decline, saying we're going for dinner with GF's parents later that day and I don't want to ruin my appetite.
She immediately starts going "WEAK! THATS WEAK"
There had been a few other exchanges earlier in that meal that had annoyed me, like her making fun of me for playing Dungeons and Dragons and talking down to me in a very childish tone.
It annoyed me to the point i may have over reacted and said "You know what is WEAK!? Buying food you can't finish."
She started crying and called me an asshole, so Reddit, Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8JxB1UhXZxOVb7HfYfXpDKApp3PZtfkJ | acxmcj | {
"description": "asking my gf to not go on her phone when we're in bed together",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for asking my gf to not go on her phone when we're in bed together? | It's always bugged me that she goes on her phone when we're in bed whether its after we've had sex or when we're just cuddling or spending time together. Watching TV or a movie is a different story but when we're in bed I want her to be focusing on me.
I've asked her to stop many times because it makes me feel like she doesnt care about me or that she'd rather be on her phone than spend time with me. I've told her this and she tries her best but then sometimes she'll get a notification, look at it, and then get distracted with snapchat and start talking to her friends.
I understand if it's time sensitive or important but I dont appreciate her just talking to other people.
Today she jokingly said "I'm going to go on my phone for 2 minutes and theres nothing you can do about it" so I left and she got upset.
Did I overreact? Is it too much to ask that she never goes on her phone when we're in bed? Maybe we should compromise in a way that I haven't thought of yet? Do most people go on their phones when they're in bed together and I'm just being weird?
Any help is greatly appreciated thanks in advanced. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
6exH8snlRdBnqpvzppEe9LeNtSYrpsi8 | at1k2w | {
"description": "pranking my little sister and her friends with a scary doll",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA For pranking my little sister and her friends with a scary doll? | Aight im 16, my little sister is 11. We have sort of an adversarial sibling rivalry going on.
Recently shes been walking around saying that nothing scares her, and that she could watch any horror movie. Shes saying this because i freaked out at a scene in hereditary recently and she scared me. I wanted revenge.
So I went into my moms closet and found an old porcelain doll and placed it in her closet with my friends baby monitor hidden behind it.
Then at night I stared into her room and started talking into the monitor.
"Come play. Come play. Come play"
Repeatedly in my best creep voice until she checked the closet.
When she opened it I said.
"YOURE MINE BLPBLPBLPBLPBLPBLPBLP"
The Blps were me making noises with my mouth.
She ran to get my mom who then threw the doll away and rebuked me.
Well i retrieved the doll from the trash and saved it until my sister invited her friends over.
I walked up to her window and started tapping on it. She thought i was in my room so she didnt know it was me.
When she gets close I smash the doll against her window and say.
"YOU CANT GET RID OF ME BLPBLPBLPBLPBLP"
This one freaked them both out pretty good.
Finally I placed to doll over my face and ran into her room super fast yelling.
"I GOT A BODY NOW BLPBLPBLPBLPBLPBLP!"
She threw a pillow at me and my dad took the doll away. My sister is upset i guess but nobody cared much when she scared me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
YeYhmO47EBUHLV5huIj0qgAqXPxXEgOe | aoxzkz | {
"description": "wanting to stay home and have some me time",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to stay home and have some me time? | So a little background: gf for about a year, just now meeting dad this weekend. He’s visiting and leaving tomorrow (Sunday)
I go to school and live on campus about 45 minutes away from where my gf lives. I drive down every weekend to see her and once during the school week. Her dad came into town Wednesday and she wanted me to meet his this weekend. So I come down Friday night and meet him and we’re up pretty late. I’m kinda annoyed because we’ve been up watching movies and I work at 8am and have to drive 45 minutes back so I know I have to get up early. Her dad gets up to go to the store and she tells me he’s leaving Sunday and that after her plans we can hang out cause he won’t be here. So I’m like okay perfect I can have Saturday to myself. I had been needing to catch up on laundry and clean my room and just spend sometime with myself since I see her every weekend. I also wanted to go out with my friends because they always go out Saturday nights and I’m always with her on saturdays. We finally go to bed, of course slept through my alarm and was late (not a big deal) but I went to work and was done early. After I took a nap and woke up to her asking me what I was doing. She called and (jokingly) asked me when she was gonna see me today (Saturday) and I’m kind of hesitant to answer cause I thought I wasn’t coming back until Sunday. She is joking around saying she’s disappointed and usually she’ll stay on the phone with me forever. But I could hear how disappointed she was and she said she had nothing else to say and hung up. So after that I feel kinda bad. And she texts me saying it would mean a lot to her if I went to dinner with her and her dad tonight. I just met him last night and I just don’t wanna be up watching movies all night like Friday because quite frankly I was pretty bored. And I wanna go out with my friends and have me time. AITA for not wanting to have dinner with her family on the last night her dad is here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nxXSkNsG63u2ivAcpuPHCgwNSmVvCvje | asoczk | {
"description": "going to my supervisor before going to my coworker",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I go to my supervisor before going to my coworker? | So I work at a local news station and if you have no experience or knowledge of how the production side works all of our team has headphones with a mic on it so we can communicate to each other. The main purpose is to listen to the commands of the technical director, but as well as the Producer just in case he/she changes something in the show, which happens often.
During the week I run the graphics of the show and video/packages and for the whole team it's KEY to listen to the director because he/she is telling us when what and where to run things. We also all chat during the show mostly during commercial but also sometimes during the show depending on the story, but we try to keep this to a minimal.
Here's my issue: we have two producers, but one of them is super loud and doesn't stop talking. He/she was just moved to our show (I work mornings and he/she used to work nights) but everyone from night said he/she never shuts up. I have Thursday and Friday off and I play fortnite with some of the team and last Thursday our director said our Executive Producer came to drop some scrips but also said "I am going to talk to ***** he/she needs to shut the fuck up." Well nothing has changed. Our director has a really low voice (he admits it), so I have to raise the volume of the headphones but it's still at reasonable Volume (12 of clock on the nob). It really hurts my ear when he/she gets into a conversation and raises his/her voice. I literally take my headphones off but I can only do it for a couple seconds cuz if not it's gonna affect to show.
He/she acknowledge it once when we were talking about something and I had to remove my headphones cuz it hurts and I told her "Sometimes you kinda scream when you get into a conversation and it hurts and it's not necessary." She wasn't rude in her response but you could tell she was defensive when she says "I don't scream." And I apologized and was "I just meant you can be loud." She responded again in a defensive tone "I don't talk loud. I project. I use my diaphragm, they teach you that in theater. " I just turned around and rolled my eyes. In my head I was like "bitch this ain't theater. We have mics for a reason, you don't have to project." To be real, he/she IS loud.
I'm conflicted, cuz I hate when people go to a supervisor when it could be fixed by talking with the person directly. Also, the team also agrees with me that he/she is too loud but they are too nice and nonconfrontational. I also ask myself if I'm part of me wants to just go to the Executive Producer cuz I'm supper annoyed about this person but this person has a bit of history of being somewhat unreasonably stubborn.
I have no issue with confrontation. I love debating and have no issue arguing but I don't want this person to have something against me. I don't want any awkwardness.
So AITA here for not talking to her a second time? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5nFblPKCtRl9ljVaNe47kqyzzxAWd7In | ar363b | {
"description": "telling a guy he wasn't good looking",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for telling a guy he wasn’t good looking? | Since Valentine’s Day was coming up I decided to give Tinder another try because I was ‘in the mood for love’ (terrible, I know). Usually I just set my profile preferences to women only, but this time around I decided to give mankind another chance and set it to both men and women. I’m not picky so I match with pretty much whoever’s in my age range and has at the very least a semi-interesting bio.
I get talking to a few people, one of which being a very average looking white dude. I suggest going for a coffee date, when he asks me if I have an Instagram. I give him my handle, but he comes back unsatisfied when there are no pictures of myself on there. I ask why he needs more pictures. He tells me that I “look very different” in the pictures I have up. The only thing that changes in my pictures is my weight, as I had been going through very bad cycles of restriction and binging that year. I yo-yo between a healthy weight and slightly overweight- but overall I’m usually chubby, the kind of person you’d say looked “fine” and maybe even “you don’t need to go on a diet, you’re normal” which usually annoys me when I’m overweight because yes, I /do/ need to diet for the sake of my health. But that’s off topic.
I jokingly write, “what, are you worried that I’m going to be fat haha” and make a few more jokes after that. He just says something along the lines of “yes”.
This stings a bit- he’s not too know that I struggle with disordered eating, but I end up lashing out at him. I’m kicking myself for not getting screenshots, but this was the general gist of the conversation:
Me: Oh, well, I guess neither of us are going to find what we’re looking for. You’re looking for someone thin and I’m looking for someone with a better personality.
Him: We’ve been talking for like five minutes, you don’t know my personality.
Me: You’ve made it very clear that my weight was more important to you than getting to know me as a person, so I’m going to take a wild guess that you’re shallow.
Him: Having preferences isn’t shallow.
Me: (And this is where I probably took it too far, and was pretty hypocritical of me) Okay, sure. Having preferences isn’t shallow. So I won’t be shallow for saying that I definitely didn’t swipe left for your looks? You’re no stunner yourself.
He basically said fuck you and unmatched me. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
uT0fqLldKPDpUDWzleTWhVa9DtM4yp8N | a703qi | {
"description": "leaving a queue at a dining establishment if whoever at the counter doesn't so much as acknowledge that I'm standing there within 90 seconds",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA: For leaving a queue at a dining establishment if whoever at the counter doesn't so much as acknowledge that I'm standing there within 90 seconds? | I get that it's one thing to wait for your food to be cooked and served, but does it take extraneous effort to make eye contact and say "I'll be with you in just a minute"? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
v0Da9xfEsHi5lxPn8DOt4rWL13jsX8Ng | advxcx | {
"description": "wanting to end a friendship because she won't stop talking about her deceased father",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to end a friendship because she won't stop talking about her deceased father? | Firstly I'd like to start by saying that I lost my mom 6 years ago. I understand that grief does crazy things, and is extremely hard to get over.
I met "Stacy" 5 years ago through university. We bonded over losing a parent so young, and being the same age (her birthday is 3 days after mine). Her dad passed away when she was 16 of cancer, my mom when I was 20 of suicide.
At first it was amazing to be able to have someone who actually understood the pain, and we became very close. We were each other's support system. We cried together, shared memories. It was really nice.
Over the next year of our friendship, I decided I wanted to go to therapy and began to deal with my grief. I didn't want to talk about it as much, and wanted to make new happy memories. Stacy on the other hand was obsessing over the loss of her dad. Every single time we got together she would bring him up, talking about how she had daddy issues now, how it's been (insert number of years) since he passed, ect.
In the beginning it was fine, she was so supportive of me and my sadness that I wanted to do the same. I would spend hours listening to her, offering support and sympathy. I suggested different types of therapy, and she would go for a month, complain it wasn't working, then stop. I suggested trying different hobbies, and she would pick something then stop halfway through. Every single time we got together it would turn into her spending the entire time talking about herself. This went on for 3 years.
I tried bringing her into my friend group, thinking that meeting people would help, but everytime we would meet with new people, within minutes she was telling everyone about her dad and his death. She would hijack every conversation and turn it back to her. She has a naturally loud voice, so she would drown everyone out. After many nights of this, my friends stopped wanting to hangout if she was there.
This all came to a boiling point with my wedding.
I had a small wedding, with just 2 bridesmaids. It was only her and my maid of honour. Now this wedding brought up a lot of emotion for me. It was hard going dress shopping without my mom. Everything wedding related seemed to be about mother and daughters. It was hard. But anytime I brought it up to her, she always turn the conversation back to how it was hard for her to watch me get married because I was lucky enough to have a dad to walk me down the aisle. She put zero effort into helping me or my Maid of honour with anything wedding related. At my bachelorette party she made it all about her and her lack of dad. I am still pretty hurt.
I want to help her, but at this point I am exhausted. I don't know what else to do.
AITA for wanting to end the friendship?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 47,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 49,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
IhaCqMivfN6QAZKFXgdvnuVQREID36Mx | b9838m | {
"description": "making my friend buy me a new pair of $100 shoes after she lost mine",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I make my friend buy me a new pair of $100 shoes after she lost mine? | So I had a pair of Birkenstock’s that I wore literally every day. My best friend and I often share clothes/ shoes and sometimes she would ask to borrow my birks, which I had no problem with. A few months ago, she lost one of my shoes (idk how but she did). When she lost them (about 6 months ago) , she said “I’m so sorry I promise I’ll buy u a new pair” but since hasn’t done anything about it. We both are in high school and she has to pay for everything she has (food, gas, clothes, etc.). I feel bad for asking because I know she works a lot but doesn’t make a lot of money but they were my cherished shoes and I’m missing them a lot. I keep jokingly bringing it up to her and every time she says “I’m so broke!!!!” Which I know is somewhat true. Would I be an asshole if I kept asking her about it and made her buy me new shoes or should I just let it go? I don’t want to be a bitch and force her to buy me shoes but she lost them in the first place and hasn’t done anything about it. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
R027jjD3YQFvO8XPCBiFotHUrR2ygNCN | avt3av | {
"description": "leaving a poor review for a car salesman",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for leaving a poor review for a car salesman? | Background: was in a wreck and car was totaled. Husband and I are looking for a car equal to what we're getting back from insurance, but we took out an auto loan so we can get a replacement before our rental runs out. We'll pay it back when we have the payout. We found a car that met all our criteria, but it was two hours away. We called to set up an appointment for Saturday, but he said he expected the car to sell by then. So we made plans to go up yesterday after work. His website shows that he offers financing (important), so I called him back and told him we would be there by the time they close and that we already have financing through our bank so it would be a quick buy. He said okay.
So we drive two hours, look at the car, test drive, talk it over, and decide to buy it. I pull out the financing paperwork and he says he doesn't know how to do it. I told him it's straight forward and that I can email it to him. He said he doesn't work with banks. I pointed out that I told him on the phone that we financed through the bank, and he told me that he didn't hear that part and if he had, he would have told us not to come. So I asked why his website offers financing, and he said that he doesn't actually accept those applications. I asked if he would make an exception since we drove so far, and he said no because he didn't want to do the title work and wait for the money. He then made some snide comment about how it was obvious that we didn't have cash and it would go to someone else who does. So we left.
I can't decide if I want to leave a review for him. On one hand, the car was in good shape and at a very good price. On the other hand, I feel like his website is misleading and he didn't handle the situation well when there was a misunderstanding. He claims he didn't hear me say anything about financing, but I has no reason to believe he dealt in cash only (nothing on his website indicated that). If I left a review, it would be more of an "FYI" type deal, but I honestly can't decide if that would be helpful/appropriate or if it just makes me a bitter asshole. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tqiBxglubzvjHVewMBjrxzLmuRmslUPu | ayzxt1 | {
"description": "wanting my friend to get his own gym membership",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my friend to get his own gym membership? | I’m on mobile so sorry for any formatting issues.
My friend and I used to workout together, let’s call him Jim, for a few months when I first got my gym membership. I pay about 20-25$ so that I can get special privileges including bringing a guest. So Jim would come with me and we would do a workout. I went about 5 times a week, he joined me for 2 or 3 of those times.
The problem came when my work schedule changed, I now get off around 6:20 and he gets off about an hour later. When this change happened I started going without him, because if I don’t go right after work I won’t go at all. Jim didn’t like that, he said I should wait for him to workout since he doesn’t have a membership and he was always my guest.
Not only that, he doesn’t always bring a change of clothes with him, and I don’t want to waste an hour and a half of time to wait for him. Going home would mean extra gas money if I just came back out for the workout.
So after we discussed all this I mentioned he should just get a gym membership. Mind you he makes plenty of money in his current job, and the only things he has to pay for are his car payment and gas. I don’t think it’s a big deal, but the way he talks about it makes me feel bad for not working out with him and I feel like the asshole in the conversation afterwards.
I even think paying for your own membership is a good way to motivate yourself. What do you guys think? Am I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
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xhvDGdLK8QOVLOWEZADnEDyu3E7Bbn4E | b7dbpj | {
"description": "getting \"caught\" having sex by my mom several times",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For getting “caught” having sex by my mom several times (in my own “house”) | So we just got back from a week long family trip, and after saying hello to everyone, we retired to our “house” (more on that later) at which point I attempted to seduce my girlfriend for some much needed sex.
Living situation side-note: My girlfriend and I live in a renovated travel trailer RV that I own 100% and I pay utilities, etc, plus small rent for the right to park my RV on their property. Right now it is parked RIGHT next to their house while we prep a site much further away, but that won’t be possible until summer when the ground has dried out.
Once the fornication was well underway, my mom knocked on our door. Apparently she is going on a trip for a couple days and wanted to say goodbye. I had the door locked so I had to take a minute to yell out “one second” and run to get dressed while she awkwardly tried to excuse herself, but I did come to the door to say goodbye. Obviously she must have known what was up. This is the 2nd or 3rd time this has happened. Every time I want to shrivel up and die.
AITA for having sex midday when people might show up? I always end up feeling guilty like I should time it better, but I also really like mid-day sex vs night sex. | HISTORICAL | {
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qEj04m233jdrqrXtCHW6OTTxXBa9QmGp | abntto | {
"description": "leaving my fiancée for another guy",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for leaving my fiancée for another guy? | Am I the asshole for leaving my (25f) fiancée (27m) for another guy? We have been together for 7 years now.
To start I DID NOT cheat. I have always been extremely loyal. I met a guy at work about 6 months ago who I guess I just sorta slowly fell in love with. We have been just friends. I could tell the attraction was there though. I found myself only thinking about him lately and I found myself wanting to hangout with only him. I just lost interest with my fiancée so I called off the wedding and I am now dating my coworker.
To repeat. I DID NOT do anything with my coworker until after I called things off with my fiancée.
He really is a great guy and we never really fought or had many problems but I just found myself more inclined to be with this other guy who I view as better. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
BqBB86A4fDZLGGj7mUhPa4G7MKvP4tT6 | b7ldss | {
"description": "cutting contact instead of forgiving a friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for cutting contact instead of forgiving a friend? | Alright so there's a lot to unpack here. About 4 years ago I (now 25F) met a guy (now 28M) we will call Gary.
There were a couple times while Gary and I were both single that he and I were friends with benefits. When I would cut off sex he would usually get salty about it and try to pressure me for sex.
One of the times I cut him off, Gary attempted to sexually assault me. I went no contact with him (because duh) in August 2017, and just started to talk to him again this month, March 2019. I told him repeatedly, I didn't forgive him and didn't trust him (duh).
Gary sincerely apologized for his behavior back then and I'm working on forgiveness (mostly for my own sake). I've been trying to better myself and forgive people from my past.
2 weeks ago, he and I slept together again. I insisted he used a condom, but he wouldn't. I know I should have been more adamant about being safe, but I don't always make good decisions. He and I had sex a couple other times but we never discussed being exclusive.
Well a couple nights ago, I made plans with a man, that I'm now pursuing romanticly. Gary asked me to come over and I declined, as I had plans. Gary tried to convince me to cancel to visit him instead. My interest was already with me, so I refused again. Gary seemed very upset, telling me that he didn't want to sleep with me if I was sleeping with other guys. There's nothing wrong with that, I just didn't like how he handled it.
He began saying that he wanted his things he left and that he didn't want to hang out anymore. He was very rude towards me about it. I offered to bring his things to him on my way to work, but he refused. He was adamant that he would come over and get them today, but then changed his mind last night, telling me to just bring his stuff to work.
Gary texted me tonight to ask to hang out. I told him no because I didn't like how he had acted. He said that I acted slutty and that he didn't approve of it. I feel as though I'm able to do what I want, since I've been being safe, using hormonal birth control and condoms. From my perspective, he was trying to slut shame me, and call me dirty, when he was the one who refused to use a condom.
He then claimed he didn't know I was active with other men, so I sent him a screenshot of our texts that said I was. Gary then changed his story, of course. I let him know that I felt like he had said we couldn't be friends. He wants to say that we can be friends, but I feel as though it's too much of a hassle.
TL;DR - I have had a friend on and off for 4 years. He gets upset when I stop being his friend with benefits and pursue another man. I had cut contact for 19 months until just a few weeks ago. He has since slut shamed me, calling me dirty when he was the one who didn't like using condoms. I feel like it's not worth it to remain friends.
Would I be the asshole for going no contact again when I was trying to forgive him? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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7mlS0d50OpRGCoMxr0xRdYpAmf2W3CYs | akdi26 | {
"description": "trying to help my pregnant best mate",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to help my pregnant best mate? |
Okay, so this is probably going to be quite a long post, and it's my first - so I'm sorry if I'm not doing it right!
TW - abortion, mental health, domestic violence, pregnancy.
This story involves six people; Me, my ex best friend - who I'll call "Claire", her 'baby daddy' - who I'll call "Pete", my SO, Claire's sister, and Pete's sister. These aren't their real names.
So, Claire and I have been best friends for almost eight years - we met at university and INSTANTLY hit it off, we both had extremely shitty (and eerily similar) childhoods and teen years and our moving to London for uni was an escape for both of us. It was one of those friendships which feel more like a familial connection - something I'd never experienced before and which was life changing for both of us. It was also one of those rare (in my experience) female friendships which don't involve any competition or one upmanship - we both saw each other at our worst moments, were genuinely happy for the others success, we'd chat whilst one of us was in the bath, talk about our poops, send eachother pictures of our ingrowing hairs - it was magical and without inhibition and exactly what we both needed and wanted and had been missing all our lives.
We lived together for a year and spent a lot of time together when we didn't. We talked almost daily. We saw each other through breakups, through drunken bad decisions - she saw me through a violent relationship; I saw her through finding her long lost family, hearing that her father had possibly committed a horrible crime, held her hand through an abortion aftermath on my bathroom floor... I loved her, and I still do, despite everything that's happened.
So, four years ago, Claire (who has chronic fatigue) was in a really shitty place with her mental health - she'd left her cheating boyfriend, but things hadn't really been going great for her since we graduated and she spent most of her time in bed in our shared flat, with me looking after her (she looked after me too - I have CPTSD - it was an equal thing). She'd recently made contact with her mother's sister in Australia, and one thing led to another and eventually the auntie invited her to move there. It was a big, emotional, difficult thing but she felt that it'd be a fresh start and possibly the answer to her problems. We talked long and hard about it and I encouraged her to do it - I wanted her to be happy even though I'd miss my mate.
So, Claire moved to Aus and I moved in with my partner at the time. Claire and I kept in touch with letters, text and Skype and although it wasn't the same we still had eachother. Her life took an upwards turn - a good job, a nice family for the first time in her life, a mother figure, the beautiful weather did wonders for her CF and she didn't relapse for the whole time she was there. I was so happy for her. After two years, my relationship had ended and I'd met my current partner and we were living together here in London. Claire hadn't been able to get sponsored for Australian citizenship and renew her visa and in the end she decided to move back to London with basically nothing - so I moved her into our house so she could get her shit together, find a place, get a job etc.
Over the next six months or so once she moved out of ours, we moved her and all her stuff (she's a bit of an 'accumulator') from flat share to flat share. In the end we moved her four times - not a problem in the slightest, but yeah. It was a lot. During this time she also got pregnant by a guy she was seeing (who was lovely and treated her as she deserved to be treated, but was too boring for her and "not good in bed" - she consistently dates assholes, I get why, it's a self worth thing.) - she decided to get an abortion without telling the father, which I had some reservations about but it's her choice, her body, and not my place to critique once she'd made her choice.
I don't drive, and my SO couldn't get time off work, so another friend of ours took her to the clinic, but long story short this friend is flaky and left her alone. Cue my and my SOs panicked attendance and subsequent taking her back home to ours where the whole gory expulsion took place - something went wrong, she lost consciousness at one point - basically the whole thing was a traumatic, bloody nightmare and one she ended up kind of regretting. She said that if she ever conceived again she'd keep the baby.
Then, one morning only about three months later, she called me unusually early. I knew what it was before she spoke. She was pregnant again. She'd been sleeping with a guy she'd once dated, but broken it off with as he was *incredibly* immature for a guy in his thirties - this time it was just hook ups. For some reason (probably alcohol related) they'd not used a condom and there it was - a positive test. She asked me what the fuck she was going to do, and I said we'd do it together. She said she couldn't go through an abortion again, and that this time it felt different - she didn't feel like there was an alien inside her, but a living tiny human. I reassured her that it would be okay - she'd be a great mum - I'd be there - we could DO THIS THING. It wasn't a problem, it was a child.
She told Pete, and he promised to be supportive - he was excited, he'd always wanted to be a dad one day - something he reiterated to the point that Claire and I felt that he'd kinda wanted this, she started recalling him saying things about her "child bearing hips" and so on. Pretty creepy. But hey, he promised to support her financially and emotionally so I was happy about this, as was she.
Time passed, and Pete didn't stay true to his word. He said he felt too "uncomfortable" keeping her company when she was having a tough time. He gave her £100... but that was it... in six months. He didn't want to go to anti-natal classes. He didn't want to attend a new fathers group. He did, however, promise to buy her a flat. So off they went to view the first flat - a kinda crappy one bed place above a takeaway shop. It turned out that Pete had zero idea about the cost of things - he'd never been a responsible adult, his mum paid for him and bailed him out and he even had a secret box of debts and bills and fines hidden under his bed. His business was fraudulent, his business partner was skimming the account to buy drugs, it was basically a shit show. Claire was hurt and furious, I was shocked and furious, Pete was stropping like the man child he is and Claire's belly was growing bigger by the week.
Obviously I stepped in. We took her shopping and I paid for pretty much everything. All the kit. The whole New Baby Package. I own a small business, but I'm by no means well off - but Claire was basically my sister and her baby was part of my family - that's just what you do. My lovely SO also put in a LOT of money, although they were only friends via me. We moved her into a new flat - a top floor nightmare of stairs but the best option for her at the time, directly across the road from the local hospital's maternity wing. I mention the money not because it's a big deal, but because of what happens later.
So she's now almost eight months pregnant, and Pete informs her that he's thinking of buying a fucking WEED FARM in fucking ZIMBABWE. Does she want to come with so he can see his kid?! Does she fuck... this is it. I see the beginning of the end. She's about to tell this piece of shit to shove his weed farm up his anus. Claire, my SO and I talk at length, we advise her to see herself as a single parent (my SO has a child himself), she agrees. We're all on the same page. I say that it'd be good if before he fucks off, Pete pays back my SO some of the money we've spent on his child. Claire AGREES.
A couple of weeks pass, and Claire and I are having a three hour phonecall about the impending birth and the utter cuntishness of Pete. She's righteously angry and I make the analogy of Pete wanting a kid like a kid wants a puppy - he wants the baby, but none of the work or poop or sleepless nights. We're both laughing at the nightmare of it all and I've probably never felt closer to her. She says she might name the kid my second name if they're a girl. It's a deep bonding moment.
The next day, over PM, I say that we could try to get some of the money out of Pete. She agrees. I say that she has enough on her plate, and maybe my SO and Pete could have a chat "man to man, father to father" as it were. She doesn't reply. For hours. As I said before, I've got PTSD and I am a ball of stress 99% of the time and my anxiety likes to tell me that everyone is pissed at me when they're likely not. I message saying that I'm sorry if that's a bad plan. She comes back saying "No, it's fine I'm just working. I love you.".
Over the next 24 hours she's silent. Total radio silence. I ask her if she's okay and try to call - she's heavily pregnant I'm concerned. She then unleashes a barrage of anger. "HOW DARE YOU INTERFERE IN MY LIFE AND MY PREGNANCY, HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT YOUR PARTNER TALK TO PETE, IT'S NOT YOUR PLACE!!" - I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist. I'm gobsmacked and start apologising and explaining that I didn't want to interfere, just help take some of the burden off her shoulders. She's not having ANY of it and eventually tells me that she just needs some space.
I'm so upset. It's horrible. I don't understand what she thinks I was going to do - I have literally never given her any reason to think that I'm the kind of person to just wade in to someone's life or business and do shit without consent or permission. The space she needs turns in to a week. I drop messages periodically (I used to message every morning throughout the pregnancy) just saying "Hope you're okay today", or "Thinking of you, hope you're alright", just positive things so she kno | HISTORICAL | {
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jbJUICLWBLBmPXL592oyTX8tvUFMxiKt | b1n2nv | {
"description": "throwing away his ratty socks and underwear",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for throwing away his ratty socks and underwear? | Bf and I live together. He can barely take care of himself. For some twisted reason though I don’t mind so much. I like taking care of him.
One of my major pet peeves though is that he NEVER updates his clothes. He refuses to go shopping for new stuff. Especially his socks and underwear. They literally all have holes and are falling apart. It’s ridiculous. So today I decided to take action.
I left one pair of socks and one set of briefs and threw the rest away. There is no other way to get him to go buy new ones. Now he doesn’t have a choice. I’m really just trying to help him.
He’s pretty pissed about it lol. Though he did say he would go to the store tomorrow and get new ones so it worked and he’ll be happier in the long run. | HISTORICAL | {
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hsn18xbgnGVWwkdDeE5TF5Qta9iNnoXX | b7v3go | {
"description": "not showing up to a wedding because my name isn't explicitly on the invitation",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | WIBTA if I didn't show up to a wedding because my name isn't explicitly on the invitation? | Boyfriend: A;
​
Groom: B;
​
Bride: C
​
Me: me/I
​
A, B, and I all went to the same school and the three of us get along fabulously (I'm a girl who naturally gets along better with men, though I always reach out to women to the same extent when socializing). A is going to be a groomsman at B&C's wedding this summer. C is a friendly and outgoing gal, though her relationship with me is cordial at best. We always knew they were going to get married, so in the back of my mind I was of course excited to go to their wedding. So imagine my surprise when only A's name showed up on the save the date, invitation, and RSVP card - all handwritten in that Pinterest-y calligraphy font (you know the one). Now A and I have been together for longer than B&C, so it's not like it was a question whether or not we would have gone together...it must not have been a mistake if three separate pieces of mail excluded me. WIBTA if I confronted them? WIBTA if I just didn't show up? A is mum on the matter. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
3ZSsSaIgvlJQM0tVanxhRqP0ODeDTRlh | aondrx | {
"description": "leaving my drunk friend on the side of the road",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for leaving my drunk friend on the side of the road? | I was out in town with 3 friends, I wasn't drinking (they were) so I brought my car. We all live in a rural area so public transport is pretty much not an option. I live pretty close to them so it wasn't really a problem dropping them home.
Going in was fine, found a place to park and went around to a few different pubs just chatting. They drank quite a good bit and were fairly intoxicated by the time we were going home, not stumbling around just clearly had lost any filter and weren't really making a lot of sense.
On the way home they were a bit "giddy" and started messing around with the radio, winding down the windows and putting the speaker to max volume. I wasn't really happy with this but they were drunk so telling them not to do it just made them do it even more since they found it hilarious.
One friend in particular was doing most of the messing (he was in the passenger seat), the other two were just laughing and rolling down the windows. When we were about halfway home (on country roads at this point) he started upping his antics, now he was turning on the hazard warning lights, reaching over and beeping the horn, turning off the headlights, etc. Pretty much any control he could reach he started fucking with.
Me being completely sober was pretty pissed off at this because while there weren't any other cars around and I was on roads I knew very well I still could crash and there are a lot of deer in my area. I kept telling him to stop but he wasn't listening, the straw that broke the camels back was when he decided to pull the gear-stick out of gear (I drive a manual).
At this point I stopped on the side of the road and told him to get the fuck out and that I wasn't bringing him home anymore (We were still a few miles from his house). We argued for a bit but eventually he did get out and I drove off, he had to call someone else to come and collect him while he was standing on the side of the road.
Both him and the other two friends think I was a dick, and I shouldn't have just left him there, in the cold, in pitch darkness. I told them I was worried about crashing and their point of view was basically "you're overreacting, you weren't going to crash..." and "you should have went back for him a few minutes later, he would have learned his lesson."
AITA for leaving him on the side of the road? | HISTORICAL | {
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bqSdfOyNeCj9X0jPgc7J8WyKnmnBdoFj | b9tl4v | {
"description": "not giving back the skin",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I don’t give back the skin? | I’ve got a friend who I have known since high school. A year or two ago he got heavily into CSGO gambling and despite my efforts to tell him to stop wasting time and money he wouldn’t stop. With the return of some CSGO gambling websites he went right back to his old ways. Yesterday he gave me a knife worth roughly $90. His actions are questionable at times and even though he was up he went all in. When he lost he immediately started asking for the knife he gave me. I feel obligated to give it back but at the same time I know he will just use it for more gambling and I don’t want to feed his addiction.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated! | HISTORICAL | {
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PTj7nY3uAwcBp54LZlwUDNEtj4YxPf7r | ai39dr | {
"description": "wanting to abondon my roommates",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to abondon my roommates? | I was a former reddit browser, but this subreddit inspired me to make an account to share my story, so bare with me if this looks shitty.
My roommates and I are high school juniors at a borading school. We've been besties since frshmen year, but this is the first year a three room dorm has opened up, and the previous two years they've roomed with each other, so this was a new experience for me. However, the past 5 months have been some of the worst months of my entire life, bar none.
Let's start with my first roommate, who we'll call Louisa. Louisa, while one of my closest friends, has a glaring issue, being that she's a giant ho. This was something I was aware of in my 9th and 10th grade years but it wasn't until this year, when I was literally kept awake into the early morning from her having a different dude in the room like every night. And as if losing sleep over it isn't bad enough, if she gets caught in the act, she, my roommate, and I will all get in serious trouble for breaking the boarding policy. So I could face expulsion from the school over this shit.
Then there's Victoria, perhaps the first friend I made at the boarding school. Victoria is super nice, and I love her to death, but I'll be damned of she isn't the biggest attention whore/drama queen/prima donna I've ever met. She needs all eyes on her, and have temper tantrums involving things being thrown across the room if they aren't; she has serious attachment issues, she'll get genuinely mad/jealous/petty if I hang out with a friend of mine from the basketball team; she storms into the room every day crying about a different thing every day, and half of the time it's so unrealistic I seriously doubt it happened; and to top it all off she'd be just like Louisa if not for the fact that she never gets in bed with any of the boys she talks to. She just crushes on them for a week, moves on to the next one, regrets that decision, I hear about it in her next temper tantrum, and she gets over it and moves on to the next boy in a long line of them. Every fucking week, without fail.
I haven't been able to tolerate it, and no matter what I ask of them it doesn't ever stop. I have no idea how these two can tolerate living with each other for the past two years. But every night Victoria sleeps easy through Louisa's deeds, and every afternoon Louisa gives Victoria a shoulder ro cry on over what happened at school.
The past semester (and the first two weeks of this one), have been a literal hell. I love these girls to death, but I'll be damned if they aren't the worst roommates imaginable. So I requested to move to a solo room a couple doors down so I can rest easy. I didn't tell them until yesterday, and I moved into my new room today. They were horribly distraught, and were begging me to stay, because had been planning this all last year. Eventually though they gave up and cut me loose. Saying that I was a terrible roommate anyways because I was a slob.
Now they had a point, my side of the room was easily the least cleaned area. However, they were also right in that it's exactly why I should be in a solo room, and they should too.
Anyways reddit, that was my first post, so tell me. Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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SBGI5rmxlh9ECYlwsS631lLbiVhveXmt | aluisf | {
"description": "demanding people money for food they didn't eat",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for demanding people money for food they didn't eat | So, I was participating in a session of the European Youth Parliament at my school and we had a party the day before. Every comitee had to set up a table with food and I got my mom to buy it since no one else could (we only had the day of the party to get the food and we would be at school all day). Three of my colleagues brought their food so they didn't eat anything from our or any other table. It's been a week and only 2 people have paid so far so I decide to remind the group of their debt. Now they refuse to pay for it, since they didn't eat anything, despite the table being our responsibility. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 0,
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DDitYYqQt3FcTWAzKWR1JZqsCcUNlahQ | ax1ygp | {
"description": "resenting my friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for resenting my friends? | So I (22F) have been part of a friend group since freshman year of college, where I also made close friend A. I am a junior now. I have enjoyed our time in the past.
However, there has been some drama, first with A, then the friend group.
Context: last semester was personally very difficult for me. I cried in class on occasion, constantly had death anxiety/existentialist anxiety, pregnancy risk stress, and family problems. On top of it all, I have been experiencing constant fatigue. Basically just a shit storm that made me lose my resilience. I am faring better recently and finally found a therapist.
However, when I was in the thick of it, I didn't want to hang out in a group as I found it draining and painful, preferring to be alone, alone with one friend at a time, or alone with my boyfriend. There were many times when I withdrew from hanging out (especially late nights), citing tiredness. Not always, but many.
At the same time, I reached out to A. When I disclosed how I felt (having had serious talks before), A assured me as best she could. Unfortunately, some of her phrasing came off as "just get over it", and some of the other small things she would say came off judgmental and made me feel a bit less connected to her. Wanting to fix that, I called A and I blithely laid out the things that A had done that had made me feel shitty/uncomfortable. It was a bit unnatural to do over the phone, and I sensed that I had crossed a line, so I went to go talk to her afterward, but I basically made her feel like shit, so we didn't talk for a couple of days until making up.
However, after we made up, she told me that I should avoid addressing her any problems I had with her behavior directly in the future, since she isn't willing to filter if there's nothing overtly horrible being said. I agreed, and the rest of the semester passed by, albeit I was still confiding in her a lot, sometimes ranting for 3min, all I can say is that I was having trouble scheduling a proper therapist.
Fast forward to now. I have tried to hang out with the group, but although they seem to express interest, no one has follow through, and recently some of the friend group bailed on a dinner last minute. I've hung out with another friend in the group since, as 'backup' for having the others cancel. Most of us have packed schedules, but I am no exception.
To make matters worse, when I messaged A to complain, she told me off, citing all the times I had been absent last semester, quipped about my having a boyfriend, then added she didn't feel that close to me last semester herself. Don't know why she came at me like that since I felt like shit last semester and she knew that more than anyone.
I could ignore it and pretend it's fine, but tbh I'm resentful of it all and can't address it, because A literally asked me not to.
AITA if I decide not to prioritize them anymore?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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QXOtQKLBr2dJBxhvkFC4PGOqN3GOSnQX | a85grj | {
"description": "not paying a friend who bought me a drink",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA For not paying a friend who bought me a drink? | Bit of backstory, im 17, not legally able to buy my own drinks or even drink at all
Every now and then a group of friends and I have a catch up, few drinks throughout the night, etc.
18yo friend wants to have a drink, so asks to stay at mine for the night, as he can't drive home after drinking, so I say yeah sure no problems. I also ask if he can pick up a cheapo bottle of something so I can have a bit to drink, as my parents didn't have the time to get me anything, and he says no, I don't follow up any further.
FF to the party, he shows up and hands me a bottle of premium vodka, says I owe him the money for it. Throughout the night he's mixing stuff straight into the bottle, offering it around to people, acting like it's his own, and the next morning it gets tipped out due to the amount of crap in the bottle.
He sent me a reminder that I owe him for the drink, but I don't think I do, and haven't said anything about it.
AITA for not wanting to pay, and WIBTA for not paying? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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2AxS72uKpOfEylhJjcADeCeNjwSbe0Xo | 9v9fl7 | {
"description": "liking a tweet that upset my friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for liking a tweet that upset my friend? | For a bit of backstory, I live in the UK where the age of consent is 16. My (hopefully still) friend (18M) is dating a girl (15F).
At first I had a big problem with this but eventually decided to move on and accept it as I truly love and care about my friend and would rather be his friend than lose him to this.
There hasn’t been any issues regarding this for a while until yesterday.
So the other day I saw a tweet from someone that said something along the lines of “if you’re 18+ and you want to date someone aged 14-16, please do as long as you treat them well”. Someone responded to this tweet saying “if you’re 18+ and you’re dating someone aged 14-16, you need serious help.”
Now I must say that I genuinely didn’t even think about my friend at all when I saw this tweet and just thought it was a funny snarky response to what was kind of a ridiculous tweet. So I liked it. I liked the tweet. Not even thinking and probably at like 1 am while scrolling through hundreds of tweets but I still liked it.
That brings us to yesterday, when my friend sent me a screenshot of me liking the tweet saying “cool” and hasn’t responded to any of my messages or spoken to me since.
His girlfriend also messaged me calling me and asshole and saying that it really hurts to see someone she “used to be friends with” liking a tweet that basically calls her boyfriend a pedo.
Now I know that liking the tweet was a stupid thing to do and I should have made the connection in my head beforehand, but is his reaction really warranted?
I think this has effected me more because I’ve lost a lot of friends already this year due to some unfortunate events that were mostly out of my control. So I just don’t want to lose another friend due to something as trivial as liking a tweet.
I’ve apologised sincerely and told them both that I never meant to upset them and that it was an honest mistake but they’re ignoring me.
Do I just have to suck it up and lose another friend, or is there something I can do about this?
And of course, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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Dfn5hQLcN6tuHsyEB3zjIrBfZOnKZcxN | ah5uqd | {
"description": "asking my grandmother not to touch me as much",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my grandmother not to touch me as much? | Throwaway, long time lurker, first time poster. Please forgive formatting issues as I am on mobile. TL;DR below.
My grandmother (and my sister) were basically the ones who raised me since my parents worked all the time. According to them, I was a really affectionate baby and would always hug/kiss/cling to my grandmother. Now, physical contact (16F) makes me kind of uncomfortable. I can only accept small tokens, like touching cheeks for a second with my dad, for example (comes up later) without feeling jittery. Thing is, she keep trying to pull me into hugs randomly or kiss whatever body part is available (cheek, hands, arms, legs when she lays down). Not like brushes, by the way like full on smacking, lasts for seconds, lowkey wet(?) kisses. I told her I loved her but could she please tone it down?
She didn’t take it well. She said that she spent years of her life raising me, taking me to school, teaching me how to swim and how to sing Chinese songs (we’re Chinese, so filial piety and all that, which factors in later). I don’t want to make it sound like she feels entitled to my affection because she doesn’t but she said that she’s getting old, doesn’t have time left and why do I not love her like I did when I was younger? She also brought up how I show affection with my dad and that I didn’t “show disgust whenever we (my father and I) touched.” I tried to say it wasn’t on the same level, but she didn’t listen to me.
Fast forward a bit, she told my dad. He told me that when he was busy, she took up the responsibility to raise me and I need to listen to what she wants. He also said how she was the oldest member of the family, she doesn’t have a lot of time left, etc etc and to just suck it up.
I get that boundaries are a thing so it might look like I’m asking for validation, but in my culture it’s usually adults first, kids last and I’m the youngest in my family (closest one in age is 10 years). Now I’m thinking I should have just sucked it up and not said anything because like everyone keeps saying, she’s not going to be around forever. Obviously, I love her and I’m grateful she raised me well and did her best, but touching just makes me feel too off.
TL;DR: Physical affection makes me uncomfortable, grandmother doesn’t like it when I tell her. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 10,
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IAxmttxBU3PeLz5SNNSDR1sniz019RtA | azg0tp | {
"description": "not wanting to see my ill dad",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA For not wanting to see my ill dad? | So, my dad isn't just ill. He has Parkinsons disease and has had it since aged just 39 (he is now 60) so as you can imagine he has progressively and gradually declined in health and these days he isn't really my dad anymore like we used to go fishing, football and bike rides. We did everything a father and his son would normally do. As time has gone on he has deteriorated and it has been hard to see him loose his capabilities he once had.
So bringing it to the present day, i have my own place and live with my girlfriend and i am finding it very difficult because she is wanting us to go round and see my mum dad and family etc but i have slowly started holding off as i cannot bear to see him so ill anymore and it is literally killing me and hurting so much.
Like the other night we went round to have a take away meal and just chill but he couldn't eat his meal due to swallowing (parkinsons affects swallowing and muscles in throat) and he kept coughing and choking, and then after that where we used to have a couple of Drambuies or beers we get into the living room and he is passed out straight away just asleep all night. It hurts that much i just go to sleep myself and let my girlfriend sit up with my mum and chat.
I simply am starting to take the stance of not going around nearly as much or avoiding it as much as i can to save my own mental well being but my dad is slowly withering away from a disease that has no cure and who am i to just stop visiting him, it seems so selfish.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
JeX2JJQeFZpsJrEYkOGZcrFWyBvL5ZkT | a2ecu1 | {
"description": "choosing my friend over my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for choosing my friend over my girlfriend? | I am a guy but most of my friends are girls. I dated this one girl in the past but we broke up bc things didn't work out. We are now really good friends and have moved on past dating. I started dating another girl who was my girlfriend. My girlfriend talked to me about 2 weeks into our relationship about how she had concerns about my friend and said our relationship was "sketch" I didn't understand why she thought that way because we hadn't even hung out or talked much bc I just started dating this other girl. I told her I understand how she feels about my friend. She told me there is nothing I can do about how she feels though. Later that night after we just had that talk my friend (the one who is my ex girlfriend but also my good friend now) invited me over her house to hangout the next day after school, just the two of us (her parents would be there) because we hadn't hung out in a while. I asked my girlfriend what I should do because I was conflicted, I told her I know this is bad timing bc she just told be that she felt "sketch" about our relationship but I'm conflicted and I need your help. She was completely against it and was mad about how I just brought this up after saying I understand her issues about her. We argued that night and the next day, she broke up with me because she was not okay with me hanging out with my friend and I wasn't willing to essentially give up a friend for her. She said she would be okay if we hung out in a group of people just not alone, but we hung out alone lots of times before me and my girlfriend started dating and it was fine, it was what we did.
Ik it's not really the norm for a guy to have lots of friends that are girls and I knew it was going to be hard to find a girlfriend that was okay with it but I feel like she isn't giving me a chance to prove that we are just friends.
If I chose my girlfriend things would be good with her but my friendship with my friend who I've known for over a year would decline and we would not be close anymore (something I do not want) if I chose my friend (which I did) then my girlfriend would break up with me.
I felt like it was a tough decision to make and she was not willing to compromise.
AITA for choosing my friend over my girlfriend? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
F3CTnNa8vOw9EgtXoCfZNDgdAFCcvhXz | adyyaa | {
"description": "ditching a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ditching a friend? | A couple of years ago I didn’t really have many friends.
I became really good friends with this one quiet guy.
I’d stay at his house a lot and we’d play video games together every night.
I spent most of my free moments at school with him and we would watch a lot of videos and films together.
He kept saying that he never grew bored of me and that I was like a brother.
Over about a year I spent more and more time with him, drifting away from other friends. He was quite intrusive and would always ask for my exact thoughts on things and people and him, he looked in my diaries when he came over to my house and insisted on reading them.
Eventually I noticed that he would shut off and would stop wanting to talk to me. He said that I should just be initiating conversations to switch him on. However after a while he became less talkative and one day I went to his house, a 2 hour journey for me, and we started playing video games. After a while we took a break and I tried to talk to him but he didn’t talk to me. I went back to playing, him just on his phone, and tried to talk with him every hour or so, and he would just shrug back at me. I ended up spending the whole day unable to talk to him, and most of the next day too. He then snapped out of it, by using all of his energy to become talkative, and said I hadn’t really initiated the conversation properly. Was he getting bored of me? I didn’t really know.
After another couple of months we went on a preplanned holiday together. He seemed quite happy but could still be very untalkative at times. We spent a couple of weeks together and of course I might have gotten on his nerves.
He then came on holiday with me to my grandparent’s house. This time he was extremely untalkative. I woke up one morning and said hi and he didn’t say anything back.
He didn’t talk to me until after lunch, saying he was pissed off because he felt sick and I hadn’t asked him if he was ok.
He ended up coming to a close family wedding, where I tried to introduce him to some cousins. My family speaks a different language but he’s studied it intensely for about 5 years. He didn’t really talk to them, and didn’t dance or anything. So I’d introduced him to one other person who spoke English too, who ended up dancing with us quite a lot.
Because of that I spent most of the night dancing with my cousin and drinking and having a great time.
He didn’t talk to me for two full days after that.
He then started shouting at me for about half an hour about how I hadn’t introduced him properly or started conversations with him in them.
He said he forgave me but wouldn’t ever talk to me again if I did that to him.
Eventually we went back to school and things got started again. I didn’t really talk to him at all for a couple of weeks, realising I didn’t have any friends to fall back on at all. I spent those weeks finding a big group of friends and so did he.
Then he started trying to talk to me. I went over to his room (boarding school) and he yelled at me again about re-evaluating our friendship.
His happened about 6 times over 2-3 weeks.
Eventually we sorted out an arrangement whereby we can hang out every now and then.
He then tells me he’s depressed at being so manipulative of me, and that he’ll kill himself if he can’t fix himself.
I don’t know if he’s tying to get me close again...
He’s told me since that he’ll be sending his suicide note and last wishes to me...
I’ve tried to cut contact again...
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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Z1iuJ1C20pPgYqNIqb6D8G5rhgWsVbZW | b4f1fp | {
"description": "posting to social media about the colleges I've gotten into",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA if I posted to social media about the colleges I've gotten into? | Here's my moral dilemma: Many friends of mine, upon getting accepted to a college they're willing to attend, post to social media to celebrate and collect applause from their peers. It's completely routine, but I have some reservations.
To me, posts like these seem a little self-indulgent. There's a fine line between letting people know what your plans are for next year and gloating to a thousand followers about the prestigious school that took you. (I understand that a certain amount of celebration is in order after such a difficult six months of applying to colleges, and I don't pretend to have a good solution).
I also find that seeing a long list of Instagram posts about other peoples' college decisions can be a little depressing, particularly if your application season has been a series of rejections. December was like that for me (that's the early application season), but now that I've gotten accepted to some really competitive schools more recently, I'm concerned whether there are some ethical drawbacks to making my good fortune known.
If I do get around to posting to my social media about which schools have accepted me, WIBTA? Is everyone who does this TA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
44mR51pDbwEngW4Hd9gmvQyH28fFEZYt | b3p63w | {
"description": "telling him he looks ugly with a beard",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling him he looks ugly with a beard? | My bf is growing out his beard. It’s looking pretty rough. I’m not a huge fan of them, but when they are well groomed they’re not terrible. My bf is not properly grooming his though, it’s just wild and sticks out in weird places.
Now before anyone jumps on my back, my bf was actually the first to open up the hair criticism box in our relationship. I usually don’t shave my legs as much in winter since I’m usually covered up. He had no qualms about making comments on my leg hair. So since hair was open to comment I told him my honest opinion on his. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
3WKgp0EWotgD7kIRXHTLpWEhg1hz4Y6H | aiz79u | {
"description": "rejecting a friend and then ghosting our friendship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for rejecting a friend and then ghosting our friendship? | This actually happened around 7 years ago but I've never forgotten about it and have felt guilty about it for years. I want to know once and for all if I was in the right or wrong. Please bear in mind I was 16 at the time and didn't know how to react, I'd react very differently if I was the person I am now.
So in high school there was this girl in my group of friends, who I'll call H. We talked a lot but I just considered her "one of the boys" so to speak, and so I invited her to a lot of things I invited the rest of the guys to, such as boardgame nights, movie nights, bbqs, and sleepovers (my parents house had plenty of room so she got a room to herself). I'd also been to sleepovers at hers (which had a lot less room available) where we'd sleep in the same bed, but it wasn't just with me, there'd be another guy or girl in the bed too and nothing sexual ever happened. I didn't really think she felt anything for me in that way, just as I didn't feel anything for her in that way.
She'd always struggled with depression, abusing substances and self-harm as ways to escape it. I'd always supported her through this, but made her promise that if she ever felt like hurting herself or taking drugs, she'd first talk to me so I could help her through those struggles without her resorting to anything drastic.
One night we were watching a movie with the lads. I was lying with H on a bunk bed watching the movie. She'd always been a touchy-feely person, not just with me, but she was getting rather close during this session lying behind me. She then wrapped her arms around my middle and hugged me close with her head against my back. It was at this moment that I realized what she felt about me and was freaking out internally as she knew (at the time) I hated people touching my back and that combined with the realization made me feel very uncomfortable. We stayed like that for a few minutes, before I excused myself to get a glass of water.
I can't remember much of what happened after but I know the next day she professed her feelings to me over text. I responded telling her that I valued her as a friend but I didn't see her that way. She didn't respond to that for about half a day but later texted me "I broke her promise" (meaning she had hurt herself) and I was freaking out at that point. I didn't know what I know now and didn't know how to deal with the situation. So I fled, metaphorically, from her and my friend group, didn't really talk with any of them for about a week, just went to classes and ignored everyone's messages. By the time I got back she'd left our friend group for her one.
Now this is the part I really feel guilty about. My friend group were basically model students - we didn't drink much, we didn't party, we did our homework and assignments, and we didn't take drugs. We were all supportive of each other through thick and thin, and I'd basically been the reason she left this all behind.
Her friend groups were basically the opposite of that. Toxic people who were constantly backstabbing each other - I'd taken flak on H's behalf defending her from their criticisms on more than one occasion. They skipped classes all the time, and abused drugs. H had returned to this friend group.
I didn't talk to her again for about a year and a half but I kept hearing horrible things. When I saw her again she was basically a shell of the person I knew - she'd gotten in with some radicalized left wing groups and was doing hard drugs and not going to school. I've sinced graduated and am about to graduate University- I see her every now and then but life seems to have stagnated for her and she's still abusing substances, she hasn't gotten higher education and she flits between jobs and partners, not being able to hold down either.
I feel tremendously guilty, as if I singled handedly fucked her life up. I feel like had I not panicked and ghosted her, I wouldn't have chased her out of a positive, supporting friend group and she wouldn't have fell in with the wrong crowd.
Tell me Reddit- am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
m2219ptfSo6nzOAgW3pLOsD54m3j1Zqb | ass1ke | {
"description": "giving unemployed roommate ultimatum to get a job before lease renewal",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA to give unemployed roommate ultimatum to get a job before lease renewal? | I have not issued this ultimatum yet, but I considering doing this soon if things do not change by the time landlord asks for lease renewal. Roommate is also a friend....
Roommate has not bothered to look for job for over half a year. I have tried to talk about it, give leads, be encouraging, asked for other friends to help but he says he is too depressed. Roommate mostly stays at home playing video games until really late sometimes even all nighters yelling at games through the other side of the house. Through house meetings have gotten slightly better at house chores like occasionally taking out trash and cleaning up after self, but aside from that does not proactively contribute to shared things at home. He does pay rent and utils, and says he has enough saved to pay rent for a long time.
Thing is the negative aspects of him constantly being at home and not really doing anything makes me so frustrated. Am I the asshole for wanting to essentially making depressed roommate homeless? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
tBGpP9ZeV6zZVYcU0AktU4BANShsFJpZ | auwgqp | {
"description": "changing my mind about hanging out with a Guy",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Changing my Mind About Hanging Out with a Guy? | I am a 29-year old college student and in an English class that meets 3 times a week.
A guy who I have spoken to 1 other time pulled me aside after class one day and asked, “hey, would you want to come hang out at the dunes with me and some of my friends?” I agreed and told him I needed as many friends as I could get right now. We switched numbers and that was that.
A few hours later he texted me to make sure I was still okay with the plans. He then texted and asked me if I could drive him and all his friends since none of them have cars. I felt a little irritated by this and told him I had an old car that probably wouldn’t make it the hours drive out to the dunes.
He then responded telling me his friends have had stuff come up and that it would just be me and him, and that we could go out to eat somewhere in town instead.
This took me back, I didn’t agree to hang out with just him, especially not on a date. I responded and told him I wasn’t interested in dating at the moment and was grateful for the offer but would have to cancel meeting up. He said, “no problem!” But texted me the next day asking if I wanted to be his date to a school ball. I didn’t respond.
The next couple days in class I heard him talking angrily about how the girl he tried to ask out wasn’t straight forward and how he hates that girls just don’t say how they feel up front.
Am I the asshole for not agreeing to go on a date with this guy after initially thinking it would be a group hanging out? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 14,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
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} | RIGHT |
JJ51YbWU4uYVTg9jHrasRmvuMwRpUr3U | avhb79 | {
"description": "buying my ex's concert ticket so our group of three can take a different third person to the concert",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for buying my ex's concert ticket so our group of three can take a different third person to the concert? | Some context:
Our group of 3 consisted of me, Lauren, and Megan. We all bought $100 tickets in October for a concert in March.
Lauren and Megan were friends before college. They're also roommates and live in a quad with two other girls. I just transferred to their college so I only knew them for a couple months at the time, but we're all decent friends.
Anyways, Lauren and I get closer as the semester went on. We go on a few dates and were right on the brink of dating right as winter break hit. We talked about dating and decided revisit this conversation when second semester starts.
Second semester:
Lauren and one of her roommates, we'll call her, Sarah, start to become really close. Sarah doesnt like Megan, which starts brushing off on Lauren, and gets to the point where Lauren and the fourth roommate move out of the room.
Lauren starts acting indifferent towards my compliments/making plans in general. It gets to the point where she cancels plans with me and goes out to party with her Sarah and her roommates instead. Not cool.
Me trying to make things work because I really like Lauren decide I'm gonna do something really nice for her for our date coming up (would've been our first date in a month in a half or so). So i buy her flowers, write a note. I get to her place and she says she cant do this anymore and that she lost feelings for me.
At this point, both Megan and I are on bad terms with Lauren, but Megan and I are still good friends with each other. Megan and I decide we don't want to go to the concert with Lauren. We tell Lauren that she can sell our tickets to whoever wants to go with her. A week passes. Lauren texts us that no one wants to buy our tickets and it's our responsibility to sell them.
I ask Lauren what her plans are for the concert, and she says she plans on selling her ticket. I ask Megan if she wants to find a different third person to go to the concert with. Megan agrees that she does.
Megan and I find a mutual friend who'd buy the ticket from Lauren. I text Lauren and tell her that Megan and I found someone who'd buy the ticket if she wants to sell the ticket to us. A few hours pass and I don't hear anything back from her.
Then at 11pm I get a call from a number I dont recognize. I usually don't answer calls from random numbers. After rejecting the call 3 times, I get a message over Facebook from Lauren's sister-in-law (whom I've only met once) that just says "Smh."
A day passes and Lauren still didnt answer if she would sell the ticket to Megan and I. So I text her and ask again. She says she's pissed off about it, but she'll probably sell us the ticket.
tl;dr: I tried to sell my ticket to my ex. She failed to find someone to go with her. I offered to buy my ex's ticket after she said she planned on selling it. My ex got pissed, and I got three calls and a text from her sister-in-law. | HISTORICAL | {
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ECkF9GSTYNs1Y34vWGr9gYoSHs4Uxvmv | b61s5w | {
"description": "spreading rumors about a girl that have been spreading rumors about me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for spreading rumors about a girl that have been spreading rumors about me. | So, a little backstory. This story takes place years ago, but I still wanted to hear your opinion. so here we go. when I was in middle school, I was famous as being one of the singers in my school, my voice isn't the best, but, I love to put a twist on my "performances". Like, adding rap to a song that doesn't have any, adding some monologue to the song, etc. So you got the idea of what person I was. So, I was someone that is "famous" to my peers (not someone that is a grade below me, as that fact will be important).
​
One day, there was a small stage set up, in the cafeteria (mind you, that only a couple dozen of people is watching, since it was a small stage). Anyone could sing. Of course, I was intrigued. My friend challenged me to sing in front, but to sing for a girl that is with her friend (also a girl). I accepted his challenge and sang for her.
​
The next day, there was rumors that said that she was dating me. Of course most of my peers don't believe that and knew that it was only one of my "performances". But, for the ones that is a grade below me, knew nothing about it and thought it was the truth. I tracked down the girl and said my apologies, apparently the one that started the rumors is her friend beside her. her peers tormented the first girl for having an eccentric boyfriend. I was shocked (felt bad for her) and planed my revenge.
​
There was going to be a bigger stage setup in the middle of the schools ground for an upcoming bazaar and it is open to anyone (sure enough there is going to be more people there), of course I asked the staff beforehand if I could use the stage. Because of my reputation, I was allowed for a 15 minute performance. I asked the first girl if she could bring her friend (the one who spread the rumors), to the front of the crowd. She agreed and follows with the plan.
​
At D-day, I brought up the second girl to the stage and sang the song to her. Of course a lot of people saw this, and soon rumors spread like wildfire. I even asked a friend of mine that is famous below me to spread this rumor about her.
​
So, do you think i went overboard in this ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eAG0FCHjUcOuY08d7KRo3HWVaABrWqcC | apiy2j | {
"description": "making a friend flirt with my ex's current bf to find out that he is cheating",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA (M16) for making a friend flirt with my ex's (F16) current bf (20) to find out that he is cheating? | So long story short I already posted about this last month but here is an update, me and my ex had a nice kinda friends relationship after we agreed to brake up, in December she met a guy online that is 20, has a kid and is a single father, I told her that i don't think is correct that a guy that got a girl pregnant at 14 is looking for girls in an app instead of taking care of his kid, she got mad we argue and eventually she blocked me and also the guy started to threaten me in a very coward way. I know people like this guy, so that is why I always thought that this guy is probably just looking for younger girls to play with, so last week a friend that still is in touch with her told me that she posted his snapchat ID in her story and my friend share it to me, I gave it to another friend and asked her to try and figure out what this guy is really looking for. She added him, he said that he is taken and sent my friend a pic of my ex, my ex told him that she just wanted to be friends and wanted to found out who he was because she saw him in her related friends stuff to add, in 5 minutes the guy told her that the girl on the pic (my ex), wasn't really his gf, it was just a friend and he uses that pic because a lot of girls talk to him and he gets annoyed with all the girls that are trying to date him, then he started to flirt with my friend and told her she was cute, if she was single and all that. We have screenshots, this guy definitely doesn't love my ex, is lying to her and just wants to have sex with her, fortunately she lives in Madison and he lives in Texas.
Now I don't know if I should tell her or not, I feel like this is not up to me but also I want her to be happy and not to be with a guy like this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
IveeJsPeVsiEV02HQOVnr2S4onSGY3WX | b6spy7 | {
"description": "choosing to go to a good college over moving in with my bf",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for choosing to go to a good college over moving in with my bf? | This may be a little long, I’m sorry! This is my first real post to any sub on Reddit after being a lurker for a long time.
WIBTA? My bf (23) and I (22 f) have been dating for almost six years now. Two years ago, he decided to take a high-paying job with all kinds of great benefits; however, it is almost a two-hour drive away from where I currently live. He moved out there in order to be closer to the job. I did not harbor any negative feelings about this. I was sad, of course, and I still often am lonely without my best friend by my side, but this is what he decided he wanted to do so I offered my full support. I see him a couple times a month at best.
The plan has always been that I would move up there with him once I finished my Associate’s degrees at the community college I currently attend. I would transfer to a private online college in order to make this work and everything would be good. This has been the plan for the past two years, and we both have been getting pretty excited bc I’ll be graduating with my Associate’s degrees in June. I was planning on moving out to live with him in late June.
I applied to transfer to six different colleges back in October, five of which are public state schools and the sixth is the previously mentioned private online school. My GPA is nothing spectacular (just a 2.8) and the state schools are all extremely competitive, so I had assumed I wouldn’t get into these five public schools. I had told my bf that I applied to these schools but that I didn’t plan on getting into any of them bc of my GPA.
I was accepted into the online private college almost immediately after applying, as they basically take anyone who’ll pay them.
Today, I got accepted into one of the public colleges I had applied to; one of the best public colleges in the state! I was extremely surprised and over the moon, as I have an “impacted major.” However, this school is fairly close to where I live now, which means I wouldn’t be able to move out to live with my bf as soon as we’d hoped.
When I told him that I had been accepted, he congratulated me and was impressed, but when I told him I’m thinking about going there, he instantly seemed upset that I wouldn’t be moving in with him as quickly as planned. I do not blame him for this, as it’ll most likely take another year and a half to two years before I’d be able to move in with him. I’m trying to think of what’s best for my future career but AITA for not following through with our original plan? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qS0lgMb7LQAKZ0KEWrWypxVpMXNhN8I5 | 9xp2kx | {
"description": "telling my friends mother that he is sniffing lighter fluid",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If i told my friends mother that he is sniffing lighter fluid? | Background
Me and my friend are really close and have been for the past 6 years, but he recently started sniffing lighter fluid and i want him to stop since it is not very healthy, he also smokes but i know that is none of my business.
What options do i have? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
40Z9OigUvr701q4ORaAZpOKWRqw0aMt8 | an94tz | {
"description": "preemptively blocking someone on Discord for saying \"kek\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for preemptively blocking someone on Discord for saying "kek"? | A little bit of context: before I really realized I was trans or that I was heavily depressed, I briefly fell into a group filled with channers and alt rights and cryptofascists. It was probably the darkest, most fucky time of my life. I was miserable, the people around me we're manipualtive and horrifying, and in general it caused a lot of trauma for me. Needless to say, with this I was exposed to a whole ton of channerspeak, which has become something of a sensitivity and an alarm raiser, even amongst people I know I can trust absolutely.
Today, while on Discord, I noticed I had someone blocked and I didn't recognize their name. I also couldn't find any sort of previous conversations with them in any way, and they didn't seem like they were too terrible a person. So I asked if maybe they had been under a different name before.
They asked why I was asking, and I told them it was because I had them blocked and I couldn't figure out why. They told me no, and also made a joke along the lines of "block me harder daddy" (which made me kinda uncomfortable, but whatever). I then unblocked them, at which point they made a post with "kek" in it.
I mentioned that this was probably why I blocked them, as often it's a dogwhistle for really shitty people. I didn't go into my history because I didn't want to come off as needy or self-important and figured it would probably come off as a moodkiller.
They got very upset at me for saying this, saying they were nothing of the sort, and that they were most certainly much more far left than that, and that they'd never encountered more than a couple of channers who said it.
We've made up, however. We're on good terms, it turns out we share a bunch of servers, they know a bunch of my friends, and all of this is now water under the bridge, but I still wonder - was I the asshole for blocking them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
YPISjGAZr8WlFIpsCEYkY3RZEVp7Du3x | al4ox0 | {
"description": "refusing to go to the gym with my s/o",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For refusing to go to the gym with my S/O? | Sorry if I explain this horribly but hear me out—
​
So my girlfriend (19f) and I (19m) have been together for \~4 years now. Both of us have always been on the chunky side, but never *fat.* Our stomachs never hang over our jeans, and we're fairly conscious about what we eat. Before we lived together, when I was 17/18 I would go to the gym regularly every day as a part of counseling, to try and improve my appearance and work on getting over severe social anxiety. I loved it, I'd just put in some headphones and watch Flash or something on Netflix while running.
I got a new desk job when I turned 18, and I've been here since. A couple weeks after I got hired, I stopped going to the gym completely. Since then, I've been careful with what I eat as I knew to stop my normal workout routine would have some negative side effects. I sure as hell lost basically all my muscle mass, and put on about 10 pounds over a year+.
Back at the beginning of this month, I began going to the gym regularly 4 days a week with a longtime friend of mine (19m). I never was into the idea of working out *with* someone, but for 9 years he's always been my anchor whenever I have to be in public, helping me leave or fix a situation where I'd likely make it worse or freak out. He basically helps me realize I'm not alone in this vast sea of people. And he's not really *out of shape,* I mean he's kinda pear-ish but he wants to improve his heart. He also doesn't really talk to many people unless they approach him first.
​
Since I've been going again, my lady friend has been constantly asking to go with me and getting upset whenever I say no. I've explained time and time again I don't want her to watch me work out, and to be 100% transparent, I'm not extremely comfortable in public with her. She's so friendly and loves talking to strangers, and I'm always just standing there avoiding eye contact or looking like an idiot. She knows I have issues, but she doesn't necessarily take them seriously.
The gym has always been the one place for me where I feel comfortable, and like I don't *have* to interact with a single soul except the front desk workers. This has been perfect for me. People pretend I don't exist, and I return the favor. It's *ideal.*
​
So finally, **am I the asshole for not wanting to go to the gym with my girlfriend, because I'm afraid she'll bring unwanted attention to me?** | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DxiKOkbFiYuYPLSW40saqvB8jN56cllI | ae81c0 | {
"description": "trashing local restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for trashing local restaurant | This morning a Facebook friend of mine shared a post from one of his friends. The friend of my friend explains that he is taking over as manager of a local Thai restaurant and is sharing the new menu and so on. I previously had an absolutely horrible experience (twice, I tried to give them another shot) at this restaurant, so I comment on the post with "Great news, it couldn't be worse than it was before, I'm looking forward to checking it out". I'm now off in space thinking about Pad Ki Mao and I get a private message from my Facebook friend. He explains to me that the reason the restaurant is under new management is because the owner died and the author of the FB post is his son. So I just insulted the restaurant of the guys dead father. I respond to his message and explain my experience to him in and that I meant no ill will and that I would delete my comment. To which he responds "The fact that you didn't just say that you we're sorry and that you felt the need to type out a paragraph explaining it is why you are such an asshole". Followed by a block and an unfriend. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
VYAJ7BuW8SWdksFwODkeCrr8m5WjUBdm | art9bf | {
"description": "shutting out someone who thinks the World is against them",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA Shutting Out Someone Who Thinks The World Is Against Them | So I am an acquaintance with this person (Female 14) that feels as if the world conspires against her in a way, which results in people picking on her, which, in turn, strengthens that feeling. She used to regularly talk with me for hours on end, sometimes very late at night, about her problems and I always attempt to help her with the best of my knowledge, but to no avail. Despite it, I decided to continue my communication with her to keep her company, but it was horribly messing me up mentally, causing me to have symptoms for depression and anxiety. On top of it all, I hang out with people that dislike her due to her negativity and often times advise me to stay away from her. I, at first decided, out of mania, to block any form of communication with her because of a small fake lie because I was afraid that if I took the time to explain it, I would’ve felt guilty, apologize, and go back to her. I still feel like shit for doing that to this day. I then apologized for my brash actions and told her the reason in full as to why I blocked her, while she states how I was helping her mentally and me breaking connections messed her up. Anyways, I didn’t talk to her much after that point, but whenever I did, it’s usually for an extended period of time and results in me being depressed for her. I decided to attempt to shut her out again, but this time, instead of blocking her out suddenly, I did it by not responding in ways that extend any further conversations such as throwaway words (cool, dang, etc) for any stories and neutral stances for any attempt at an agreement or a debate. This, in turn, disconnected me from her in a way that made it seem like she’s the one going away from me.
I’m just wondering if that was the right thing to do in this situation, as I felt I was pretty immature, and, if possible, any better way to handle it. Also, most, if not all, of her friends shared similar personalities with her, making me one of the only people she hangs out with who didn’t share much in common in her and hung out with her in the same time. Speaking of which, she also often times attempt to communicate with people who make disliked her and made disparaging remarks about anything she did. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XP5NzsQ3D0Oz5oo7sPf6M83Z993PN7Rl | b4x4m6 | {
"description": "getting upset at my wife's question",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for getting upset at my wife's question? | This happened yesterday and I wanted to see if I was being a jerk.
Context/Background:
* My wife and I have been married for a few years
* She was previously engaged for several months but then her fiance called off the wedding, so she was never married to him
* She had an engagement ring and they were in the middle of planning and had already put down some deposits on venues before he called it off (just to give an idea of how far along they were in the process)
* Last bit of context. After we got married, she had some skin issues and couldn't wear her rings for a bit. Now she is able to wear her engagement ring that we bought together. However, not her wedding band.
With that out of the way. We are in the midst of moving and as part of that she came across her old engagement ring and wedding band from her previous fiance. She kept them, and her plan was to give the engagement ring to her daughter once she is 16yr old, so she was showing it to her.
The wedding band was also there and she said/asked:
"Oh, this is convenient. I haven't been able to wear my other band for a while now, would you be ok if I just wore this one instead?"
I was very taken aback by the question. It seemed like a weird question to ask if she could wear the wedding band that she was going to wear for her prior relationship vs ours. She could see the look on my face, so she back-tracked a bit and said: "...orrrr maybe not".
I said something along the lines of, "no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that and honestly, I can't believe you would even ask a question like that? What makes you think it would be ok? It was a really weird question to ask frankly"
So yea, we had a fight about it. He point of view was:
* She had never worn the ring at all, and hadn't even looked at it. It came with the engagement ring (a buy one get one free) and she doesn't place any emotional significance in the band. The engagement ring she does cause she did wear it. She said I was placing the emotional significance on it vs her. The ring is a complete non-item to her hence she was ok with wearing it now.
* I tried to make the point that it was hard for me to separate the band from the previous relationship and the fact that it is called a "wedding band" not like, "random trinket with no emotional significance". Also, because I was so upset, I said, "the question felt like you coming to be and saying, hey, is it ok if I sleep with someone else". A bit of hyperbole on my part, but like I said, I felt upset and kind of betrayed.
We ultimately agreed that we will go buy her another band together. But she was still not getting that it was a weird question to ask. I know that I overreacted a bit with the whole, "it was like you were asking me to sleep with someone" but at the same time isn't it a weird question to ask?
So that's my question, WITA for getting upset by her question to wear the previous wedding band? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
hchktEXROl1oCfbAnnMHiAqWjKouIgma | b0b58f | {
"description": "trying to have my maid of honor date his best man",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for trying to have my maid of honor date his best man? | I’m on mobile btw
My maid of honor is my best friend and has been single. My SOs best man has a girlfriend but has been flirting with my friend or kept asking me if he had a chance. I got fed up and when my friend was staying over I had them chat.
My SO agrees on them trying out since he knows everything about the girlfriend. (She’s a gold digger who took money and hates it when he hangs out with my SO)
She stayed over for 3 days the first day was girls night and the next day we were invited to go see captain marvel with da boys. Later in the night was bonfire and we chatted playing truth or no comment. Or asking weird questions like if you were a dragon what dragon. It was a laughing fest they exchanged numbers next day best man invited us to go eat and hang out at his house. They bonded more and I notice the best man was like a guy who found out his crush liked them back. They hit it off. I didn’t ask what happened but my friend came back blushing. I did ask her if I was pressuring her into dating him.
She said no because everything felt natural and if anything she had a new friend to hang out with.
I’m wondering if me and SO are assholes because when I asked his best man if he liked her he said he doesn’t think it was right but kept going along with it because he wanted to be happy.
Additional INFO: Maid of honor knows about his girlfriend. She sees it as two ways either it could be or just have a new friend. I only once left them by themselves because I needed medicine for a fever. The whole time best man been flirty. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
9CDJogRniTL9Me0CetPPnU158aVZYZwA | axjpxh | {
"description": "sending my husbands ex a text, asking her to stop texting HIM",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for sending my husbands (M30) ex a text, asking her to stop texting HIM? | We have been together for 2 years with a newborn son. My Husband and his ex had a relationship prior to us, which she ended. Me and my husband met and started a relationship, she saw and couldn’t deal. For 6 months she CONSTANTLY texted him, asking to get back together. After she noticed that he would not go back to her, she started to text him about stupid stuff. My Husband blocked her after the divide of their house was ended.
1 year later, she send an email to him AND his parents, saying that she is happy that he was becoming a father ( I was pregnant, she heard via mutual friends ) but that she knows that i am not the right person for him.
He asked her to stop.
Ff 6 months later, beautiful son was born. She messages him via a different social media platform and send a friend request,
Husband does not like it, but i have texted her after this saying she needs to stop, otherwise i will screenshot everything she sent him to her current boyfriend.
AITA for interfering? What can I do to get her to stop completely? I dont think she will give up. Thanks! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 39,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
L7UMTK1O8dl1vhkjFcZBgbgPN1zIG3Dx | b7i8fu | {
"description": "getting rid of a book my dad gave me without reading it",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for getting rid of a book my dad gave me without reading it? | To add context, I am 27F, and my dad is 54M. Tl;dr at the bottom.
So my dad bought me a book as a random gift last year. I was touched because I'm a big book nerd, albeit a picky one, and my dad doesn't normally do stuff like this.
Still, I was stoked because he gave me this big long spiel about how he heard about this book on the radio and he thought I'd like it, main character reminded him of me, etc. Nothing but nice stuff. I was touched, and put it on the top of my "to read" pile.
Then... my younger brother got sick. He is fine now. But he was hospitalized and it caused my parents to be in the same room together (this is important because they hate each other and don't like speaking, but this forced them to be near each other and communicate.)
Apparently, I somehow came up in conversation somehow, and my mom mentioned the book to my dad, because I was so excited at the gesture, I told her about it. My dad then said "Oh yeah, I bought her that book because the main character has anxiety and I thought it would help her get over it. She needs to."
My mom, puzzled by the difference between what I said vs. what my dad said, told me this. I was devastated. Apparently he said it in a way that had zero compassion regarding my anxiety and really stressed the whole "get over it" aspect.
I'm a functioning adult with my anxiety under control. I work full time, have a fulfilling life, etc. But I do have some anxiety stemming from *family situations*. Anyway, I'm deeply hurt at his true intentions behind the book, to the point where I haven't touched it since he said that. I'm cleaning house, and I think I'm going to donate it. However, I know he is going to ask me about it in the future... and I don't know what to tell him.
I have the feeling he will deny what my mom told me, citing their bad relationship, or he will just deny it saying she misunderstood. Either way, I believe my mom so I do think he said those things and meant them.
So... do I just say "I didn't like it"? Do I say "I haven't got to it yet"? Or do I say "I got rid of it because you're a neanderthal"?
Help!!
Tl;dr : Dad bought me a book for what I thought was a nice reason, found out he got it because he thinks it will help me "get over" my anxiety, and now I'm struggling if I should get rid of the offending literature.
PS. Since I know I'll be asked this, the book was "Turtles All the Way Down" by John Green. It's a young adult novel. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QWPOQNgpyZGs3VvJ0QRqkZWa4jEQlzpz | b5qcw6 | {
"description": "not helping my brother when he and our dad fight",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not helping my brother when he and our dad fight? | Sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile. And this is quite long, I apologise.
So, my little brother is 15 and he and our dad fight a lot. Whilst my dad definitely has issues with anger, he's gotten a lot better over the years at controlling himself. My brother is super annoying, as most 15 year olds are, but he seems to go out of his way to not get along with our dad. He then talks shit about our dad a lot, saying that his life would be so much easier if he was there, etc. They have not gotten along for as long as I can remember.
Like I said, my brother provokes my dad a lot. He does things he's been total countless times not to do, and any time he gets told off for something (which is often) he twists the situation to try and argue that it's not his fault, when it clearly is. I've had long discussions with my parents about it, and it's apparently something he's done since he was a toddler.
He and my dad often fight when my mum isn't home (she usually defuses situations), and it escalates quickly without her there - leading to my dad swearing at my brother and saying a lot of nasty stuff to him, and my brother refusing to back down or just accept that he made a mistake and move on.
Now, I am NOT condoning my dad's behaviour. I hate it. However, it would not come to that if my brother was not an ass and if he just accepted that he did something wrong. If he just said 'yeah, I'm sorry, I'll try not to do that again' it would be fine, but he tries to make up excuses about why he did what he did so he can wriggle his way out of it, which never works.
Anyway. When they fight, my brother often comes crying to me to try and protect him or take his side. I'm a 19 year old girl, a lot shorter than him and my dad, so I can't do shit to protect him. If I say something, my dad will get angry with me as well and it'll make it worse. And most of the time I don't want to take his side either - usually because it's his fault, but sometimes just because I don't have the energy to deal with it and I just want them to stop fighting. I've had a lot of exams recently and I've been studying a lot, and I'm emotionally drained.
After/during the fights when I don't back him up, or if I call him out and say it is actually his fault, my brother gets really upset with me and asks why none of us care about his feelings and about our dad treating him like shit, and that if I said something our dad wouldn't be as mean.
so, AITA for not 'helping' him when they fight? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
G6rx4w762yPGsZEmlFosEPrdxcvWK4fv | b53ljt | {
"description": "not wanting to continue my distance relationship for another 2 years",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA If I dont want to continue my distance relationship for another 2 years? | I'll make this fairly short.
My girlfriend (22F) and I (23M) will have been dating a year next month. We were both military, i got out before her, and moved home (around June of 2018) anticipating her early release from active duty being in September of 2018. (palace chase for those familiar)
Her separation got denied and she was told she could reapply in 6 months. So we agreed to wait, and now she is about to reapply again. If she doesnt get accepted this time, she has agreed to ride the remaining 2 years of her contract out at her current duty station. (Til 2021)
If the worse comes to worst, AITA for wanting to break things off, as opposed to waiting even longer than I already have when 1500 miles separate us?
Shes a great girl and would be an amazing future life partner, but 2 years, after all this time already, is completely and utterly exhausting.
Thanks.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MwrZqXjvI7fGO2iaS99MBPqPT7yPd4bw | b14bwq | {
"description": "ghosting my once-best friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for ghosting my once-best friend? | Hi reddit. Need some outsider perspective.
I had a mutual Best Friend and were super close. I mean, at the hip close for probably five years. Then, her husband was stationed at a military base on the opposite side of the country and literally in the middle of our lunch I had to help her pack everything they had so she could go live on base with him.
They lived there for four years. I'm a college student so I couldn't afford to visit her. We texted and FaceTimed daily and even and sent each other packages occasionally. We were still best friends despite the difference. Then, one day, he was coming home from Afghanistan as his contract was over and they got to move home!
They got home June of 2017. A week later we got lunch and I was SO FREAKING HAPPY TO SEE MY BEST FRIEND! I waited four years to hug her again!
Long story short, that was it. For probably a year straight, I asked at least once a week if she wanted to hang out, get a movie, lunch, etc. and I always got "I'm too busy", canceled plans, or no answer. Then later she would Snapchat hanging out with other people after lying and telling me she had to work. I think since they've been home we have hung out twice. So I gave up last summer even though it hurt me, but I realized I'm worth more than that. I'm a great friend and I'm not gonna beg for her attention.
I guess last October her husband beat her, had PTSD episode and a mental breakdown, she got a restraining order, he served her divorce papers, and basically went MIA. Not even his parents know where he is.
She texted me out of the blue the other day, I was surprised but happy because deep down I do still love her, we've been through a lot together. We talked for a few hours and told me she got pregnant by a guy she was seeing last month but he wants absolutely nothing to do with her or the baby anymore. So she was venting to me, complaining, talking about what's going on, and then asked me if I wanted to get lunch and catch up. Also asked if I want to plan the baby shower with her, be her sidekick and help, go to doctor appointments with me, shop, etc.
I haven't responded. Part of me wants to get close to her again because I do miss our friendship, but the other part of me is very bitter and hurt.
AITA the asshole for ghosting her and not responding when she's in a bad situation and needs help? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
fhmlEcU9XvaP02BW0njMRehkHQ2Xi4yw | aa8elq | {
"description": "leaving my boyfriend after he got belligerently drunk and pissed in the floor",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving my boyfriend after he got belligerently drunk and pissed in the floor? | So me and this guy have only been together about 2 months and tonight he had at least 16 beers according to his friend and roommate (he had the majority before I got over to his house). He woke up and tripped twice going to the restroom so when I went over to help him he yelled at me that he was in the bathroom and continues to pee in the corner of his room. Might I just add he’s literally learning on the bathroom door frame at this point.
So I helped him back off the floor and into the bed, gave him some water and told his friend and roommate the situation and drove the hour home to my house. I’m not mad that he peed on the floor because that’s something that just happened because he was so drunk but I’m pretty disappointed he got so drunk in the first place but it’s not enough to really get mad or fight over. I just don’t want to be in the bed with him if he decides he’s not going to even get out of bed next time he has to pee and just pees on the bed.
I didn’t tell him I was leaving because he was asleep and he’s already gotten angry over something stupid earlier in the night and I just didn’t want him to get upset or be a jerk about me leaving and will just talk to him in the morning.
Am I the asshole for not staying the night with him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
YBgEcai9SNlM16ej9ToLpsI6NufExMdI | 9tftu4 | {
"description": "canceling plans with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For canceling plans with my Dad | Okay some relevent facts: 1. Both my father and step mom are alcoholics 2. Dad moved across country when I was 13 and I only saw him 1-2 times a year 3. Stepmom has always created drama (especially when drunk), my dad is not allowed to breathe the same air as my mother. 4. Dad moved back into my home state (PA) a few years back (I was an adult living in another stat by this point) 5. I am pregnant
​
I visit home a few times a year to see my friends and family I grew up with. I am usually only in town for a weekend when I visit, so I am short on time. I always make time to see my dad, even though he lives about an hour from my mother's house, and unfortunately I can't even spend time with him \*and\* my mother. My step mom almost always makes comments about how I should stay the night, when I am only in town for 2 days with a lot of other people I want to see, mainly my mother and sister.
I just made a trip down for a specific event and only have Friday evening, Saturday, Sunday and then I leave. Being that I have an event on Saturday, I have even less time than I normally do. I call Dad earlier in the week to tell him I will be in town, he answered and they are at the bar (should have hung up then to be honest), we make plans to meet on Sunday, I mention that I can't stay too long. My step mom over hears our conversation and starts texting me things like "\*really\* you can't give your father more time he loves you so much you owe him more", this is frustrating to me of course because of him moving when I was young. Anyway I respond to the effect of "I'd love to spend more time with you! You guys should come to event on Saturday!". She plays like she is going to come. I get in Friday night, invite them to dinner, no we can't. Saturday morning "hope to see you at event!" "oh someone is coming to look at my car I am selling sorry" Saturday evening "Leaving event and going to dinner, want to come?" "oh we already ate". Sunday comes around and he asks me if I am still coming over, I tell him no, I felt like I was blown off all weekend.
"wait what I thought we had plans?" I tell him to thank his wife, that I am pregnant and not going deal with her behaving that way to me and I invite him over to my (mother's) house if he wants to see me. He just said step mom "aw babe we didn't blow you off and she didn't mean it" | HISTORICAL | {
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zWLJYYpOLLGtLRgUhNWOMgd5fKeYpGlP | aohq2n | {
"description": "getting pissed at my friend for ditching when I was an hour late",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for getting pissed at my friend for ditching when I was an hour late? | There's a new student at my school, whom I'll call Anne. So Anne, Sophia(my other friend), and I were going to meet up at 1 pm and hang out. I woke up late, so I texted them around twenty minutes before we were going to meet up that if we could reschedule and meet up at 2 pm instead. Sophia agreed, but Anne didn't check the messages(she always replies to my messages a day after). She replies thirty minutes later saying that she already arrived and that she was looking for us. Sophia said she'll go to meet her then if she already arrived. Sophia arrived in twenty minutes, but she couldn't find Anne. I finally arrived after twenty minutes after Sophia arrived. Then, Anne texts us telling us that she went home. I was pissed because Sophia arrived at the meeting place in twenty minutes after Anne arrived, meaning she couldn't even wait twenty minutes. I asked her why she went home. She said that she didn't know what to do by herself, so she just went home. I told her that she only had to wait twenty minutes and why she couldn't even wait twenty minutes. She replied saying she didn't know what to do(I don't know what that means). I told her that Sophia and I will wait for her to come back and Anne said it would take around thirty minutes. Sophia and I waited for around forty minutes for Anne, then she texts us saying she can't make it. She's a new student, so I didn't want to be rude, so I just said okay, but it really pissed me off. AITA for getting pissed even though technically it's my fault for being late? I did reschedule beforehand and I don't understand why she went back home because she only had to wait twenty minutes for Sophia(I've waited two hours for my late friends before). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
6MLcZIL3S8L757CcK5EKqbfrr38EvWUT | ar3upn | {
"description": "thinking it is crazy that my manager told me to sit down when speaking to coworkers because my height intimidates them",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking it is crazy that my manager told me to sit down when speaking to coworkers because my height intimidates them? | I'm not THAT tall 6ft3, and I am not anyone's manager, so I am never reprimanding people. I feel discriminated against in a way (as crazy as that sounds). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
g07CTEBzxSdb7z1oqHdrwDorqIvxEhn5 | b3yjkk | {
"description": "posting a bad review",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For posting a bad review? | I went to try out a popular local burger joint and I took a couple bites of one of their burgers. The taste was off and when I tried to swallow it I gagged hard and almost threw up. I posted a 2 star review on Google saying as much. Because I said the fries were great (which they were) they called me a liar and backstabber for posting a 2 star review. I deleted the review and tried to call them to straighten it out but they were gone. I'm gonna be hearing back from them hopefully tomorrow.
I'm considering leaving another review, and depending on how I'm treated it might be a 1 star. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
pHIORjdnuS2rn84d8MpTs56JgTMGR3vY | adg232 | {
"description": "calling 000 on my ex",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For calling 000 on my ex? | A little bit of an introduction, both my ex and I are 17 and we just recently broke up a few weeks ago. The breakup hasn’t been very smooth, it’s been pretty hard on both of us, I won’t get into details but essentially we just haven’t spoken much. I didn’t take the break up well because to me it was kinda out of nowhere, I found it hard to just stop seeing and talking to the person I spoke to every day for over a year.
Anyways, the past few days we started speaking more over the phone and on text, it was civil and at some points really nice. We spoke about making plans for her to come over to my house today to catch up. With everything that has been going on this made me pretty hopeful because I still love this girl and just a single day where I can express how I feel to her would be amazing.
Then we get to last night, she texted me around mid day and we had a chat for a bit til she asked me for space, and to not text her until later that night. I happily did that and decided to have my best mate over for some COD. Sometime over the night I posted an older picture of myself shirtless on Instagram. For a bit of context my insta only has people I actually know and family, so I thought no bi deal. A few hours later I get a call from the ex asking why I’ve posted the picture and if I’m moving on from her. I got defensive and asked her why it was a problem to her if we weren’t together and that I haven’t said a word about anything that she had posted on social media. At this point I kinda realised that if I kept the argument going it would just get worse and worse so I offered to delete the post, and in return she said something along the lines of “fuck you, you’re moving on, I never want to see you again”. I try to tell her that no, I’m not moving on and that id still love to see her tomorrow. The response I got was “fuck you I’m going to kill myself”. After a bit of back n forth with her saying multiple times that she’s going to kill herself and it’s all my fault, she blocks me. I go back inside and ask my friend who is good mates with her too to chat to her and calm her down. He got chewed out and blocked himself so at this point I got worried. Ex has a history of self harm and mental health issues so I took this seriously. I gave her a few more texts saying that I will call 000 unless she can call me and prove to me nothings going to happen. This probably came off as a threat to her but I was panicking and didn’t know what to do. I tried texting her parents to no response because at this point it was 4am
Ended up having to call 000 and explain the situation and they sent an ambo and cops to her place, waking up the whole house. She ended up having to explain that she was fine to her parents and the paramedics, who wanted to take her to the hospital regardless. The thing that makes this even worse is that she told everyone I told her to do it and that I’ve been harassing her the past couple weeks. I have text message proof of everything so I don’t know why she’d lie. The cops then told her parents that if I message any of their family to get an AVO on me.
Pretty much this whole morning her parents have texted me saying that they’re really disappointed for me calling 000, which is fair. I’ve just tried to explain to them that I panicked and after being threatened with suicide what else am I meant to do, especially because she’s hurt herself in the past. Her parents then deny she’s ever harmed herself, which I know that they know of. Regardless, I apologised to them and explained that I didn’t mean to start any trouble and that I respect them, it’s just that I was real worried.
I know I probably did a few things wrong throughout this whole thing, but I’m willing to admit that and try to change, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rdL261lpmak82NDsn5pyIlhBqyyczEbK | a8zou9 | {
"description": "not wanting a present my girlfriend got me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting a present my girlfriend got me? | So this happend last christmas, i wanted to have a special jacket which i liked for a long time and told my family about. I knew they would buy it, my girlfriend also knew i wanted it. It was to expensive for her (about 200$), so she bought a similiar jacket for about 60$ to suprise me.
She told me in early november that she got the jacket for me, obviously she didn't want me to get 2 similiar jacket for christmas. I tried her jacket on, but didn't like the look and fit and i knew i wouldn't be wearing it. Sadly she bought it a while a go and coulnd't refund it, so she sold it approximately for half the price.
I felt kinda bad and appreciated her idea, but i knew it wouldn't make me happy and i would have probably still got the other jacket.
Am i the asshole for making that decision? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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8T8ux3yRAXjLnefM5PvucH6KypReDKRZ | ac9q7e | {
"description": "trying to teach my mother how to use technology instead of just doing it for her",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to teach my Mother how to use technology instead of just doing it for her? | My mother calls me over all the time to do computer, phone, tv stuff for her.
How do I set a passcode? How do I reset it to factory settings? How do I make the font bigger?
I don’t have a problem helping her, but “how do I set a passcode” quickly turns into “can you just do it” once I start explaining.
Lately when she asks something similar I ask, and I really do try to ask in like the nicest uncondescending tone I can manage, “What have you tried to do already?”.
This is usually all it takes to get her upset. She’ll say things like, “If I knew what to try I wouldn’t be asking you”.
I try to explain that I usually don’t know the answer to her questions myself and that the first thing I would do is to just try stuff and see if it works, and if all else fails just google it.
She’ll still get upset. Like I’m just refusing to help her, when In fact I’m spending way more time trying to teach her how to google or how to figure stuff out on her own.
Should I just accept that she won’t ever be willing to try and learn the tech she is trying use? Am I the asshole for thinking that before she asks me for help she should at least TRY?
Like if she tried everything she could think of and just still doesn’t get it I would understand, but she stops before she even starts!
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7PHS62F8tM3C4OXxAPyaSGL5iI27rVdc | aog0ah | {
"description": "leaving my pregnant gf",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA if I leave my pregnant GF. | We met on tinder and have been dating for 18 months on and off like the title says, we hit it off straight away, we (or so I thought) fell in love really quickly. But there was always this nagging feeling that I couldn't shake that something wasn't right. She told me she had an abortion the summer before we met and that she was still trouble by it, I told her I didn't care and that I still like to keep seeing her.
We had a brief fight over an ambiguous text that read "I can't see you tonight, I'm going out for dinner" a few weeks into our relationship and I took that as meaning she was going on a date; so I confronted her and asked her what was going on and she said she was going out with some girlfriends. (As a bit of background I had been working away for a couple nights and hadn't seen her in over a week). This is where everything seemed to fall apart, she told me she didn't like being spoken to like this and that she felt I was being controlling. So I said ok, I'll back it off a bit and leave you too it. But we kept dating.
Fast forward to Halloween, a few weeks later and she tells me 2 days before that she wants to go to her friend house party but doesn't want me to come. I know her ex-BF (the father of the aborted baby) might be there, and that they had a FWB relationship before me met. This ends up in a huge fight, we meet up the next day and she had bruised knees, tells me she came home alone and slept in the bed with her best friend (female). I reluctantly decide ok, maybe she just needed to recover from some trauma of the abortion, maybe she felt better after a huge blow out. She also tells me she's booked a solo trip to Europe for one.
But again something wasn't right. I know it was wrong, so I decide to check her phone and find out that she had been sleeping with her ex-BF for about 3 weeks whilst we had been dating, and that she had sent him a string of drunken messages when he wasn't at the Halloween party, even saying that she was going to drunkenly drive o the next city over to see him that night. He re-buffed her though and she tells me nothing happened. I choose again to believe the original story she gave me about the party, but I still had my doubts.
We end up spending Xmas at her parents. It's a really awkward time for me, I'm not much of a family person and I don't really know any of her family, but they all have a very close relationship. I basically spend 3 days, in an awkward silence, and she only really engages with me to point my flaws out to her parents. She goes for drinks on the final night we're staying with one of her friends from home and we end up in a fight on the way back because I've had a few and just tell her I'm not happy.
This carries on into the New Year, when we get to a new year’s party. She decide to tell me then that she's booked a trip away with her friends to Edinburgh in early Feb., I'm annoyed that she decide she couldn't tell me until we were somewhere public because she knew that it would piss me off that she makes plans and hides them from me (she admitted she only told me because she thought a friend might mention to me).
We go to the house party of her friends (I'm finally invited); at the party the same thing happens that happened at Christmas. I'm abandoned so that she can go and hang out with her friends, literally walks off and leaves me, when I follow she tells me to go mingle. I'm literally at a party with complete strangers who've all known each other for years. This explodes when she decides to go off to the bathroom with some friends, and I literally catch her checking to see if I'm looking, she doesn't see me notice her looking for me as she runs upstairs. When she finally comes down 40 mins later, we have another huge argument about why she's left me alone and snuck off again, it's really big and is basically ends up with me leaving the party and sleeping in my car outside her house (I'm too drunk to drive and I parked there because the party was walking distance). She comes home with her best friend and then a random guy shows up 20 mins later, "who her best friend might be seeing".
We really don't speak for a few weeks and then she take that weeklong trip to Europe, we're still together at this point but tensions are obviously frayed. While she's away I have heart to heart with a rally close old friend of mine and his exact words to me are "Are you sure she's taking that trip alone? I mean she's lied about everything else and she decide to go when you were having problems", I explain to him that she told me it was to clear her head, but deep down I know he's has a valid point.
Her parents come down late January, and though it's nice to see them again, the first night out I'm once again frozen out in the corner, and she only talks to me to tell her parents about all my faults. We get home and have another huge fight and I tell her that's it, I'm done, she treats me like crap and that she needs to leave. She refuses to go, she gets aggressive and tries to grab me and hit me. I used to be a bouncer, so I literally, spin her around, put my arms around her body and carry her to the front door, I don't want a fight, and I’m over this. At the door I put her down so she can walk out on her own, but she refuses and tries to wedge herself in the door way. I try to pick her up but she sits down, and forgets that the door way is on a step, slips and lands on her arse... hard. She hurt, and she screaming about me "assaulting her", she leaves finally. I know she's badly hurt, she's angry and she very emotional, so after 5 mins minutes I decide to go check on her, she still sat in the car. As I walk towards the car, I can see she's on the phone, and that she's seen me, she then immediately pulls off and drives away.
She spends the night sending me repeated text messages and calls to ask me to take her back, she's sorry, she'll forgive me (for what?), but I can tell she distraught and having a breakdown. We talk on the phone all night about what's been going on, and she asks if I'll come with her tomorrow night, since we've booked dinner with her parents, and she doesn't want it to look weird. I go. We make up after they leave, and we decide to start from the beginning, just dating, but exclusively.
Her birthday is a few weeks later and she tells me she doesn't want me to come out to her party, I ask why, and she says it'll be because her best friend is there and that's who she was on the phone too in the car. This was a lie, she was on the phone to her ex, she invited him to the party, and the night of the party they end up sleeping together. I confront her the day after, and tell her I'm done, this time genuinely.
We don't speak for a few months.
A few months later, I'm seeing a few other people. Nothing serious and she pops up in my messages. She wants to meet up and talk. I have nothing serious going on and I want an apology in person (up until this point her only real admissions of guilt had been spamming me messages). So I agree. We end up sleeping together, and I tell her if she wants to keep it going, I want her to be honest with me about who else she's sleeping with. She tells me no one. So after a few weeks, I get that feeling again, and after I confront her, she admits to having been dating her ex whilst we were apart, sleeping with her house mate and a friend from home (who she may or may not have been sleeping with every time she visited her parents previously). But she wants to get back together seriously.
I tell her, that I still have strong feelings for her as well, and that if we do this, I want her to cut her ex, her FWB and her housemate out of her life. She tells me that her ex is someone she can't cut out, because she wants to know that he's ok and his life has been hard, and that she can't cut her house mate off because she lives with him and it would be awkward with her other housemates. Our relationship drags itself to death, and eventually collapses under the weight of me not giving a fuck about being treated like this, and her constant refusal to commit.
We break up again and over the summer I date a few different women on and off again, and I get hit up by GF after a few months. Same story as before, but his time I tell her I'm not interested. So for a few days we go back and forth over, however it's pathetic she come crawling back, and that she just wants to apologize. Long story short, we end up sleeping together again and the relationship builds from there, I know she's cut her ex-BF, the FWB and the housemate out of her life. And I reluctantly decide to give it a go, on the conditions, she keeps all the other guys out of her life, she moves out of her place and into mine (she had been semi moved into mine on a number of occasions) and that she dials back on her selfishness and starts being more considerate to how she's treated me in the past. She agrees. And then goes on a holiday with her mother which had been a long time planned.
When she gets back form holiday, guess who has genital warts? great, now she has an actually STD, but god knows when she got it since I know it can remain dormant for years, so either I've already got it or I'm immune (I'm still getting the HPV and speaking to a doc about treatments). Out sex life is massively hit by it, but we seem to be getting on fine and coping for a few months. A few fights but nothing relationship ending.
Halloween we have a party at mine with her and my friends there, all goes well, expect I get too drunk and make a tit of myself (apparently it was funny).
Then her friends tell her they’re having a big reunion, invite her, but warn her that her ex will be there. I've told her I'm not happy about her going, she can see her friends any time but I specifically asked her to have no contact with her ex. She goes anyway, and to justify it by | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
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} | RIGHT |
s5btXwPA6WwGAbgoazINuJpe0fCCddw7 | ba5anx | {
"description": "being mad at my best mate for seeing a girl he knew I liked",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being mad at my best mate for seeing a girl he knew I liked | Hi Reddit
​
I have a bit of a situation here with me and two of my mates.
​
BM - Best mate, been friends since birth
MF - Mutual friend of ours, female
​
Several years ago I had a serious crush on MF. Naive me thought I was in love with her. I told her how I felt one birthday and was (gently) rejected. However I was crushed and went crying to BM and told him all about how I loved her.
​
For a long time I still had feelings for MF. I would always moan to BM about how I liked her but couldnt do anything about it. As far as I was concerned, and even though I would never be with her, she was obviously off-limits to BM given how I felt.
​
Long story short, BM one day told me that he had matched on tindr with MF and then a couple weeks later, said they had been studying at the library together. I was a bit suspicious but didnt think BM would do anything to hurt me. Eventually however, he told me that he had been seeing her for a few months casually.
​
When I heard this I initially pretended not to care but was actually deeply hurt. I told him to stop as it was hurting me. He chose not to. Then one day I boiled over and went to his house knowing MF was there and dragged BM outside to blast him.
​
AITA for being made at my mate? Surely he shouldnt have tried anything with her knowing my emotional investment. When my mother found out she was crying because she herself knew how much I liked MF, just for some context.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
IibR04bm7uexALTS9F8IPTE8qGkX2sOJ | amni9f | {
"description": "taking a new job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking a new job | Back story is I put in for a job where I'll be traveling alot 5days in hotel weekends at home. I have a wife, 3yr old and and a 7month old. Before I ever applied I asked my wife told her everything about it she said it sounded good (I make roughly 650 dollars more now) plus paid food and has when I'm away, so hugh savings all around. Fast forward when I get paper work saying I got the job before I signed and told them I was committed to at least 18months I asked her yet again and she was still fine with it. Now I've been training for last 5 weeks and only been home 3 days cause they flew me to anouther state and she's starting to say I dont love her and I'm ignoring her because I cant respond to ever text or talk to phone for 5hrs straight. I tell her I love her everyday and facetime when I'm not doing work I watch 0 TV now or play any games all my time is on phone or work . Now the problem is she thinks I dont love her anymore because I dont talk to her enough. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BmJhhCmR9ylhk7UdRJWQFZOE2ZavHt0F | aea0l1 | {
"description": "wanting to break up with my boyfriend because of his disability",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because of his disability? | Okay, before I get shouted at, please do read what it’s about.
My bf and I have been a couple for the better part of a year now. We’re both at University and have lots of mutual friends. He’s a great guy. Charismatic, kind, smart, looks after himself, and all that jazz. We get on like a house on fire, love going out together and have great sex.
If you passed him on the street, you wouldn’t think anything was wrong with him. The only issue is he sometimes gets these ‘twitches’ in a random muscle in his body. It’s barely noticeable, just a slight contraction, but if I’m lying with my head on his chest or touching him in any way I can’t fall asleep. He’s not to fussed about cuddling, but I live for that stuff. My favourite thing to do in this world is snuggle with someone on a sofa watching a film after having sex. But with him, cuddling is just slightly annoying.
It’s not his fault I know, and I don’t want to lie to him if I break up about why I’m doing so. We have a pact to never lie to each other. He’s really mature so I’m confident he’ll at least understand a little, but his disability does upset him as it sometimes gets worse for a few minutes at a time and you do notice. I don’t want to leave him, as I’m worried I won’t find someone else like him, but I just can’t live without cuddling. I think I’m going to have to leave him. Will I be an asshole if I dump him over something so small he can’t help?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
qH5SACHoiaL7hhNa7ZVIxA3VRGYXPi6p | b4a6iw | {
"description": "not sharing my salad with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not sharing my salad with my Mom? | I came home with a salad and began to eat it.
My mom comes in while I'm eating the salad and she says "You're going to eat all of that? That's too much!"
I said yes and continued to eat.
Then my mom tried to convince me that it was too much for one person to eat and told me to only eat half.
I reply with "I eat this everyday by myself and I intend to finish it. I kind of didn't want you to be eating my food."
Then she asks me, "Did you not want me to eat this?"
I said yes, and then she starts going on about how rude I was being, for not offering her some of my food, and that I was selfish for not letting her eat any of it.
Now, she sometimes brings the leftovers of her takeout food. She tried to convince me again that she should have some of my salad. I still said no.
Then she says that if there was a starving person on the street, I wouldn't give any of my food to them. She also said that she wouldn't be able to take me to the Philippines because I won't share my food (She's from the Philippines, I'm half Filipino).
She finally got fed up from me not sharing my salad and said she won't bring any leftover takeout food for me anymore and I won't get any cookies.
I don't really care about the takeout food or the cookies she brought, I just wanted to eat my salad by myself. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
GpX06jfgKaACRbhgsEUZLNug7VFtOaDg | afz8lc | {
"description": "questioning my friend after she had cancelled meetings and being harsh after her reply",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for questioning my friend after she had cancelled meetings and being harsh after her reply | Me and a girl are friends. We tried a full relationship last summer, but we didn't hit off so we decided to stay friends at least. We had lot of fun, we rode ATV, explored abandoned areas and stuff like that. Usually it was me who had to invent, what we would do. Then, she canceled to meet once. I didn't think much about it, shit happens. Then it happened for the second time. Then it happened for the third time. I was getting suspicious, but I tend to believe people and think that, it is just a coincidence. When it happened for the fourth time, I decided, that I'm just wasting my time. Whatever. I'm okay being internet-friends.
Then at one point she asked me out. I was like ok. Then she postponed it twice. After that we finally had a coffee, but that was it. I didn't notice anything special so I just shrugged it all off as a coincidence. Then she wanted to meet again. I accepted, but later she postponed it and then cancelled it. This happened eight times until finally today, as she canceled once again a postponed meet, I had enough. I was wondering, why the hell would she ask eight times me to somewhere only to cancel it by saying "college work" almost every single time. At that moment I realised, all the times when she cancelled a meet, in her snaps she wasn't at her desk doing college stuff but was instead always on her bed. the other reason she used a few times, was that her family is keeping a property display. I realised my family did them too, but it never limited me in any way since I as a youngster don't know shit about the structures of our house
I texted her "Why you always ask me out and then postpone and cancel it. It is like the 8th time in a row you do this. It really feels like you are trying to get some drama or catfish me, but I don't really get why would you do that to a friend. You always use the same excuses of college work or property display, but you are never doing college work in your snaps then and property display doesn't limit you, I know this, since my family has had them too. What is all this? Why you do this?"
She replied "Where then I should be taking snaps in your opinion? And I don't know if we really click as friends, we don't kinda have the same interests, but I'm not blaming you for anything, you are still good looking, funny and kind. I don't really know why I cancel and I swear I'm not catfishing or anything. This might have something to do with a thing, that I don't want to talk about"
I replied "You just can't say you don't know why you cancelled. You decided to cancel completely by yourself and you know it. And when it comes to the thing you don't want to talk about, If I'm affected, In my opinion I have the right to know what it is. As this has affected my daily plans for many times, I feel like I need to know. If I won't be affected by it anymore, I don't need to know it and you can keep it to yourself. And I know I wasn't really soft by writing this, but I feel like I have to tell exactly how I feel"
She told me, that she is not going to ask me out as long as she is unsure. I'm kinda happy with that, as I don't want my daily plans to mess up just for basically nothing, but I still feel I was selfish and too harsh to her in the end. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SeGUEfvaUH22l0k4t02kjzXTtkKUblzf | a6pof9 | {
"description": "taking pictures of dogs outside without a leash and sending them to my leasing office",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for taking pictures of dogs outside without a leash and sending them to my leasing office? | So, I live in an apartment complex that allows large breeds of dogs (+25 lbs). There's no dog park area and we don't have enclosed yards, so you *have* to walk your dog to give them exercise and to allow them to use the bathroom. The problem is that some of the residents seem to be averse to keeping their dogs on a leash while they're outside. It's clearly spelled out in the apartment's handbook that if your dog is caught outside without a leash that you will be fined, but people do it anyway.
I have a 13-year old Cocker Spaniel, and I've had trouble in the past with him being attacked by other dogs roaming around unattended. These are not strays either, because their owner will usually come running up from somewhere telling me how sorry they are. Luckily, he's never been seriously injured other than some minor scrapes, but it's a definite concern whenever we see one of these dogs off their leash. It's happened so often that my mom has resorted to carrying a weapon when taking him out for a walk, in case it happens again.
Last night, somebody had their German Shepard off-leash outside while they sat on their porch playing on their phone. This morning (like 15 minutes ago) there was a guy with his two Pitbulls off-leash running around the community tennis court (there's literally a sign stating "No Pets" on the court); the tennis court doesn't have a door, so dogs can (and have) just run out. I feel like the primary reason people are doing this so often is because there's minimal accountability and a general mindset of "*my* dog would *never* attack anything".
I want to start taking pictures of people doing this and reporting them to the leasing office. I'm hoping physical evidence might help the leasing office to actually do *something* about it (instead of it just being hearsay), and I'm also prepared to go over their heads to their parent company, if necessary. Literally all I want is to be able to walk my dog around the complex without having to worry about him potentially getting mauled by some asshole's 75 lbs. "cute little buttercup". So, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LvYlZCHL4mnolJsN93xnwDbwIeLSxm6K | b5q6ls | {
"description": "reporting my club president",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for reporting my club president? | So, little background before all this. I'm in the arts org of my senior high, and I have the position of executive assistant to president and vice president. I was tasked by the president to give updates to our org adviser because his faculty was close to my homeroom and I could reach him the soonest.
The whole shebang happened a bit before a weeklong celebration in my school where all students are encouraged to participate in and the school orgs are supposed to be the ones handling events and booths the students will be participating in. As the arts org, a lot of pressure was on us, especially on the president. She tried handling a lot of the work, while juggling her own academics on the side and honestly from what I saw she wasn't handling things too well saying stuff she shouldn't have said.
Anyways, our org adviser asked me to ask our president to organize a meeting before the celebration week. I did so in DMs later that night however she replied by cussing out our adviser. Following that incident, were a few other altercations that came with her attitude and finally I had enough and I had decided there was no straight way of talking to her. Couple of days later, our adviser asked me for updates about the org plans for the following week and I decide to tell him everything.
He was very shocked, ofc as he should be. He asked me for a screenshot of the conversation (I hadn't taken a screenshot yet and this was the only instance I did so when he asked me). D week arrives and we manage to pull through. Yay... So through the week our adviser was considering her removal due to her behavior, and I was trying to lowkey convince him not to do that. I had thought the situation died down because the week managed to be a success for us. A week after the D week (sorry for using the word "week" a lot) Thinking everything is dandy, I get word that our adviser had filed a formal complaint against the president for her cussing him out in our dms. She is in her last year, and she might get a hearing, or even held back for this. I am friggin anxious for her situation and did I make everything worse by reporting her? So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
b0QOWejdrYM8Z3R4nN5TrkIh39jmaA01 | b5ohwr | {
"description": "resigning from my restaurant job",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | WIBTA if I resign from my restaurant job? | So I am a management trainee in a restaurant, there is another management trainee who is the same position as me, but without work experience of the field(food and beverage).
We hold the same salary figure even though I have a lot of experience and he does not.
Will I be the asshole for resigning cos I am so petty over salary issues? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
EyWY49nfbaurkjf0EAdCVTQWNiVpzZJh | 9wgdu0 | {
"description": "breaking ties with a long time friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking ties with a long time friend | So, I am a sophomore in Highschool and I have had a a friend (we’ll call him John) since elementary school. We used to hang it with each other lot but around 8th grade he started being a little controlling maybe? He dared me to do stupid shit like steal a pack of gum or whatnot I would usually say no but I didn’t want to upset him so sometimes I would say yes...I got a suspension one time for this so, after this had been going on for a few months I actively tried to avoid him. I wouldn’t hang out with and I would try not to talk on social media. This really pissed him off he started getting aggressive and would say I was being a “fag” or “pussy” I didn’t want to upset him because I felt I had a obligatory tie to him. He doesn’t have a lot of friends so I don’t want to cut ties with him completely because I’m worried he is depressed but I am really thinking about it. If I cut ties, am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aUq9Aw6QXTjdJyNAq29Q9xkHqZI735vd | andf72 | {
"description": "keeping £500 of my college fund, which is meant for paying off my debt",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for keeping £500 of my college fund, which is meant for paying off my debt? | So I'm 18 and started at uni/college this year, my parents told me about a fund they started when I was born where they put in birthday cheques from relatives etc.
We went to the bank to take the money out the account and transfer it to my parents account so they could keep until I'm paying off my school debts. There were some problems at the bank which aren't important but it meant the money had to be transferred to my account and then we agreed I would send the money to my parents bit by bit.
There was about £4,500 added to my account and I started transferring the money every few days when I remembered (it was freshers so I was busy a lot of the time). When I'd transferred about £3000 I decided I'd keep £500 in my account to just live on the first few months or so, just to make the start a bit easier. I decided I was fine having an extra £500 in debt becuase I'm going to have £30-40k anyway.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zggeQGql8TJYxBBq1h817lr6TqhH5wVH | 9t56rn | {
"description": "not trusting SIL to watch my kid",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because I don't trust SIL to watch my kid? | Long story short, my sister in law and my husband have been trying to patch up their relationship after several years of conflict related to some poor choices my sister in law made. While things are better than they have been, I myself still don't fully trust her, and she annoys the hell out of me.
She has a toddler, and they only live a few blocks away. We often coordinate playdates, walks to the park, those sorts of things. My child is only a year old, and when I was pregnant, my SIL was very hostile towards me due to jealousy she felt because her family was more positive about our (husband and i) pregnancy than hers - which arose out of an affair while she was still married. But once my son was born, she suddenly became very friendly and referred to herself as the :"fun auntie," providing gifts and offers to babysit my son so my husband and I could go on dates.
In short, I feel very strongly that I don't want her alone with my son. Apart from how she has acted towards me, her general personality stresses me the hell out. So even with us working to keep things civil and friendly, I have rejected her request to watch my son multiple times. My husband feels that I Am being overprotective and unreasonable. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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