id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
esjvEymBx5Venmv5oP3uA5Yt5so32RXy | a9x56g | {
"description": "wanting credit for my writing",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting credit for my writing? | I had a friend, I'll call her K.
K (24) is a semi known, some what professional singer in our city. She doesn't do it full time; doesn't make a living from it, but makes a bit. I'm a writer.
About 6 months ago, I sent K some lyrics I was working on, because she was saying how she was in a musical rut. We met and she sang the words to a beat I found.
When I asked her if I could help produce, if she ever decided to record the material, she got angry and told me that I was expecting too much (I've never produced before). That I should be "grateful", it's not like she "needs me, I need her".
Now, K has remained in the same genre her whole career, and my feedback was helping produce an entirely new sound. She was really showing this had potential.
I apologized the next day profusely, but she said she didn't want to do music together ever again. I respected her wishes. We continued our friendship.
Fast forward to last month.
One night, she sends me a message on Snapchat, a kind of vague, "Hey, I'm recording some new material with C, could I use a few of the lines?" and then typed the ones she wanted to use out.
C is a well known local artist.
I had a bad feeling immediately, so I screenshotted the request. My response was straight forward: Yes, as long as I get some song writing credit. I then screenshotted that.
Well, she freaks out. Begins ranting about how she has had to stick up for me so much (I'm socially awkward, apparently) and has done so much for me, swearing, saying she couldn't believe I would think she would ever steal music, how rude I am, etc.
She then said "I need a break from this friendship" and blocked me on everything.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
8Vp7v9MujFa81AQbcYYD6OGTPd0oxrK2 | atoaux | {
"description": "asking my roommate to stop watching YouTube videos around me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my roommate to stop watching YouTube videos around me? | Some background. My roommate and I are good friends and have been since before high school. We are both 25 now.
This is obviously not the biggest deal in the world but it is irritating. What happens is that any time I’m in the living room watching TV he comes in and starts watching YouTube videos loudly on his phone. He watches YouTube videos for I’d guess around 8 hours a day. More on the weekends. No matter what he does, even if he has headphones on he also has YouTube playing on his phone. I only care when he watches them when I’m watching TV and he comes and sits next to me.
I can hear him watching them from his room. And even between floors in the townhouse but I can always close a door in those circumstances. But it has been driving me mad nonetheless. I asked him to stop watching them when I’m watching TV in the living room and he said I can’t tell him what to do.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SJZg0HBWzy6wDF6wD7wblisSPpcipfZV | aogqx2 | {
"description": "not caring about GF's friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for not caring about GF's friends? | So I'm 20, and in my first LTR with an amazing girl. She's fantastic tbh, but recently she's been wanting me to hang out with her and her friends, which to be honest, I don't want. I'm sure their nice people and all, but I literally have zero interest in these people, and I'm not gonna develop friendships with any of them in all likelyhood, so I said no. I just don't see any point at all in hanging with my GF's friends, when they can't really add anything to my life that my real mates can. Am I the asshole for just not wanting to hang out or care about my GF's friends, like at all? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
0gHgueqosXpzh0tggYfQocht6diOp9Nd | ajtrpt | {
"description": "going at school instead of staying home while very contagieus",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for going at school instead of staying home while very contagieus? | I mean, my teachers told me this was the worst thing i ever done in school, or is it?
*Vsauce music plays* | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
wpbRAbPXBDG0XXWFozJSPj9Z3VcrhoBs | aqhgxg | {
"description": "waking him",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For waking him? | I need help. Or maybe someone to vent to. I don't know. I just got my ass chewed out for no reason.
Little context before I begin. My hubby applied for a driving position at night that will bring in good money that we desperately need . Just got his permit and are waiting to hear back with a hopeful "You're hired!"
He's been trying to transition his sleep schedule so that when he starts it wont be as bad for him.
So the first night he was trying to stay up, didn't tell me at all. Just assumed I would know. Was watching TV in our room at 11pm and the brightness woke me up and scared the living crap out of me. I get upset because i feel as though he's being inconsiderate by watching TV that late. He informs me, after a heated argument, that he's transitioning his sleep schedule. Great, got it. So I apologized for freaking out and we hug and go to bed. In lieu of that we moved the TV into the other room to make it easier for him. We don't have a couch but we do have a rocking chair and a comfy office chair. This was Thursday or Friday of last week.
I don't say anything again until tonight. I was woken up at 2am by our baby and I hear snoring from the other room. So I put my daughter back to bed and went in and tapped his arm and said "Hey you should come to bed." He shook his head and said "Nah I'm ok." I shrug and go to the bathroom. When I come out 10 min later he's passed out in the chair. So, me not wanting his back to hurt tomorrow and telling him that as well, I gently wake him up and say come to bed, then went back to bed myself. I don't think anything of it because he has told me in the past to wake him up if he falls asleep in the chair. He comes into the bedroom and doesn't show that he's angry. Crawls into bed and starts whispering angrily at me that he was transitioning his sleep schedule and how dare I tell him to come to bed. Accused me of doing it 3 other times, said I was an asshole for coming out and telling him that. Then started saying how I should have just let him stay in the chair and sleep. Really wish I should have now, at the time I didn't want to get yelled at for not doing it in the am. I wouldn't have woken him had I known he was going to yell at me.
At this point I'm speechless because I know I didn't do anything wrong and this came out of no where. He even said he thinks he imagined one of the times but I totally did it regardless. I then compare what he's doing to a woman having a dream her boyfriend cheats on her then waking up and being livid at him for cheating in her dream when he didn't do anything wrong, and I pointed out that it was just as illogical as what he is doing. Then that sparks at him again. I'm laying there like wtf are you kidding me. He starts saying "Well you had a dream a month ago that I did and got pissed off at me and accused me!" To which I corrected him and told him that no, I didn't accuse him, I thought for a split second because it was so realistic and had to wake up fully before I could do anything. Theres a difference. He swears up and down that I'm wrong. His memory is terrible and I'm already fed up with his crap at that point. I then lose any patience I had with him and told him to f' off and leave me alone, called him a dick and said to just go to sleep. He, of course, passes out instantly.
I can't go back to sleep now because he made me feel like dirt under his boot and I don't know what to think at this point.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ot688mkg7g5Oril0cIKjV0B1kc2I67tr | a08e0d | {
"description": "not wanting to go to Disney with my family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Not Wanting To Go To Disney With My Family | A couple of weeks ago, my parents said I'm going to Disney with them and my grandparents right after Thanksgiving. I would have been fine with this, but I miss an Accounting class and I have to cram homework on the ride to Disney. I also have a work-study that I could start this week, my first ever job that I have to put on hold. Missing class when I'm able to go gives me great anxiety and makes me very uneasy, and it's even worse that it's approaching the end of the semester. My mom keeps saying this is a great experience for me and I might not do it again. She mostly emphasized that it's a trip with her since I'm transferring colleges soon. I would rather go somewhere closer than spend 10 hours in a car to go to a crowded amusement park with overpriced food for a couple days then come right back to 10 more hours of riding. I asked why we couldn't have a trip somewhere closer? The last time I've been to Disney was when I couldn't remember anything, she says I have to truly experience it. I express that I don't want to go and my family members are shocked that I do not want to go. They say they want to take my place and I encouraged it, but my mom says it has to be me that comes. I forgot to mention it's all expenses paid, and they just have to pay for parking. Am I the asshole for not wanting to go on this trip with them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BDmVHwh1zTXGt8NDISMMdcLwKnuOTw9B | as4rrp | {
"description": "yelling at my brother for scaring me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for yelling at my brother for scaring me? | I’ve been having chest pain for the last few days and my brother knows this. So some time today he banged on my door to freak me out and my heart started hurting like hell. I yelled and screamed at him out of pain and told him to go away. My mom keeps calling me an asshole for yelling at him so,
Am I the Asshole? (Please be honest) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
n7Oha1DiRPUfCyljEzGSXmHAeh5g65FA | an87f6 | {
"description": "not wanting to do guitar lessons anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to do guitar lessons anymore? | So, 3 years ago my mom bought me a guitar, I never used it until about 10 months ago when she started guitar lessons for me. I went every Thursday until my teacher couldn't find time to do them anymore. A few months later my mom found online classes, I stopped doing them after about 5 weeks because I had no interest in music anymore. Now here comes the part that I feel like I'm in the wrong; I didn't tell her until a few days ago, about 3 months after I started my online class. Now she got mad and I understand why. I explained to her that I wasn't interested and that I really didn't want to do them anymore. She told me that I don't commit to anything and that its the same with my dad and I and how I told him I would go to him to the gym when I really didn't and only said yes because I didn't want to disappoint him. She told me that I need to restart and do 24 weeks of it (once a week) and if I didn't like it still then I could stop. I understand that she spent a lot for me and I should be grateful; which I am, but I really do not want to continue, especially because it would be half of a year of me practicing something I don't like.
Am I the jerk? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6T2AyxuTd7wnLt4PjSSr5Or70tnBiFej | b5ghk6 | {
"description": "confronting my friends crush",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA if i confronted my friends crush? | One of my best buddies has been having a crazy crush on this girl for a few months now. They get along really well, and laugh a lot when they are together. Me and another friend have been pushing him to just tell her about his feelings,which he eventually did. She rejected him though, which took his toll on him. However, the girl still initiates text conversations, asks him to pick him up from school with his car, and wears his jacket when she is cold. He is getting confused by this attention, and i can see why. It feels to me like she is keeping him on a leash. How do i go about telling her what she is doing? Should i even tell her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
AJFnBdHeyM1nXBhgb7bTclovmtUzt6VJ | anrnda | {
"description": "snooping through my boyfriends phone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for snooping through my boyfriends phone? | So some context, my boyfriend and I have been going out for some time, i love him for bits and could never imagine being with anyone else. He is the one i want to spend the future with and we have speak about this regularly.
​
A few months ago i got a DM on Instagram from this user called "Henry" and he basically just said hello at first. I ignored him because i just don,t see the need to talk to him or any other guy. Eventually "Henry" sends a bunch of messages basically saying he wants to send nudes. I blocked him (this is important for later).
​
So back to more recent. My boyfriend and i made a promise not to keep secrets a while ago and i was following this along perfectly (but now and then i would only tell him something a bit later as to not ruin a good mood or to make a bad mood worse). Recently he showed me a post on Instagram, my instinct is to always look at the profile photo and I'm not sure why. I see its not his but it seems familiar and get kinda mad at him for not telling me about this extra account because i told him about all mine and he still wouldn't tell me about his. I get mad but soon get over it and apologize for getting angry.
​
Soon he starts getting really secretive when on his phone, mainly Instagram. This is odd to me as he always used to show me what he is looking at. I've been cheated on in almost all of my passed relationships so i obviously start to worry but i don't tell him.
​
The other day I was not feeling too good and he was being super secretive on his phone again, not showing me whats going on ect.. He knows im upset and he just reassures me everything is fine. Later that night before going to bed i need to use the bathroom to brush my teeth. I go in and i see he left his phone there. After im done he gets a message from a friend that seems important so i wanted to open it and show him what it said immediately.
​
Big mistake.
​
I unlock his phone and the first thing that's still open is Instagram. It's open in the profile page and I'm upset. It's "Henry." I know something is up and my brain immediately goes to cheating. I don't look through anything else, i just close Instagram. I go back to his room when I'm done and just show him the message from his friend and break down crying. He comforts me and also starts crying because I refuse to tell him whats wrong and he hates seeing me upset.
​
We fall asleep and wake up in the morning.
​
I'm still upset obviously and having my doubts that he is using that account to cheat on me. We have to go to his work for the day and I just leave a note saying that I know he is "Henry" and asking him why he would do that. We head off and he only sees the note when he gets home much later that day.
​
He tells me that he made the account to see if I would cheat or flirt with anyone else and also to see if i would snoop through his phone. I feel destroyed. I feel like I've broken his trust by snooping and that I am such an asshole for snooping.
​
TL;DR:
My boyfriend was being secretive. I opened his phone to show him a friends message and Instagram was open showing he owned an account that harassed me. I got upset. I broke his trust of me snooping but at the same time he was using to to see if i could cheat. Am I the ass?
​
I love him and don't blame him as he also got cheated on. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
xkk27JQmEjU0SzSAnk1QZkLM6kjYzUUb | ax27d4 | {
"description": "not stepping in when my little brother was getting picked on",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not stepping in when my little brother was getting picked on? | I come from a family of 5 and my little brother (the one who got picked on) is 4 years younger than me. While I must say I love my little brother deeply, I have a problem with him being way too soft. I notice it every time, every time someone makes a joke out of him or bugs him, he sits there quietly and even cries to our mom at times. Being his older brother, I believed that my parents are just not preparing him for the real life and are just spoiling him in general. I try to teach my brother to fight back but he just ignores me and complains saying that fighting is bad and wouldn't do anything about my light punches that I'm throwing.
​
Now this is when things start getting interesting, my parents signs me and my little brother up to this all age sports camp where you go to this gym inside this school and play sports from like 10-3 every Saturdays, in general me and my brother had lots of fun and we met a lot of nice people. However, there was this little shit (who was around the same age as my brother) who would cry if things never went his way and would often cuss out the people running the camp. One day for some reason, he came up to my brother and started trash talking him, calling him weak and slow and other mean things in general. I took notice to this and while yes, any brother seeing that would've jumped right in and stand up for their little sibling, I wanted my little brother to stand up for himself. And that was probably big mistake, as now the kid started shoving my brother and my brother was on the verge of crying. After that the supervisors took notice, kid got in trouble and my brother was tearing up, yada yada yada.
​
My brother left camp early that day for some reason and when I returned home (I stayed an hour after the camp was over and took the bus back so my parents didn't pick me up), my parents were furious at me for not standing up for my little brother. I tried explaining to them that I wanted my brother to stand up to himself as he can't always rely on me to be there for him. My dad says that he doesn't care and that brothers should always look after each other.
​
I'm not trying to teach him that violence is the solution to all your problems but instead to stand up for yourself.
​
So AITA for not standing up for my brother when he was getting picked on? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
IwCzrhibsLoQIbssudi6WSuEdQM2U2Gd | asfkht | {
"description": "not inviting my parents to a mandatory courthouse wedding and asking them to wait to attend until we can have a proper wedding where both parents can attend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not inviting my parents to a mandatory courthouse wedding and asking them to wait to attend until we can have a proper wedding where both parents can attend? | I was engaged to my amazing GF last year and she recently moved to the US via the K1 Fiance Visa. For context, the K1 Fiance Visa approval timeline can vary greatly and once approved you must get legally get married within 90 days of your Fiance moving to the US. As you can imagine, it is nearly impossible to organize a proper wedding where many friends and family must fly internationally within a short 90 day period, which is the case with us as many friends and family members would not be able to attend (including her parents) as they need time to schedule time off, book tickets, etc.
​
Initially, we were hoping to just do an initial 'paper wedding' and the ceremony one year down the road, however our state requires that we not only get a marriage certificate, but that we also have a ceremony at the courthouse in front of a judge and have a couple witnesses. I discussed this with the Fiance and we both decided that we didn't want to only have my parents attend the courthouse wedding (they are local) without hers present as we want to share our 'wedding moment' at the same time with both families. So, we instead invited a few close friends to act as witnesses.
​
I explained this to my parents and they were not thrilled, however I made our decision / wishes clear and the reasons why (plus reiterated we are planning a big wedding in a year and that they were front and central in that wedding) . Several weeks later, prior to our courthouse wedding, when I was visiting the parents with my Fiance my mother decided to tell my fiance while I was in a separate room that the courthouse wedding is the "real" wedding and that the wedding down the road isn't real (it's obvious my mom purposely decided to do this when I wasn't present and when I confronted my parents after hearing this from my fiance they said that 'they thought my fiance didn't understand the courthouse wedding was a legal wedding'). I feel that they are being unreasonable with not accepting our wishes (I'm not asking them to be 'happy' about it) and I feel they crossed a line going behind my back to my fiance and trying to guilt trip her (the fiance said afterwards 'i'm sorry that I'm not American as then both parents could attend and this wouldn't be an issue' - that broke my heart) which makes me less inclined to be open with my parents about our life or have my fiance hang out with them without me being present...
​
Am I the asshole here?
​
TLDR; Am I the asshole for not inviting my parents to a mandatory courthouse wedding and asking them to wait until we can have a proper wedding when my fiance's overseas parents can attend so that we can share our wedding moment with both parents at the same time?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
U1etw8AfG11ChrVGj7OoHMEEEwTg13Dr | a3p7mu | {
"description": "sending my SO flowers",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I sent my SO flowers? | I know that is probably isn't on the level of most of the questions asked here on this sub, but my SO and I's anniversary is coming up and I thought I might be sweet if I sent her flowers to her office.
A few months ago, someone else was sent flowers who also works in her office and she told me about it. She said that she thought that was super sweet of her co-workers husband to do that for her, **BUT** if that were to happen to her, she would be "totally embarrassed" (her words). Well our anniversary is coming up and I had the thought of sending her flowers to start her morning off at work, but then I remembered what she had said.
Would I be an asshole if I sent her some flowers? I know that they are just some dumb flowers but she means the world to me, I just thought that I might brighten part of her day. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lIDF0hotJSQKjLlcZC4MwPTzyn8EL8yL | 9v9pmf | {
"description": "calling a friend out for being a slut",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for calling a friend out for being a slut? | Reading a lot of these AITA's for relationships has brought up some old memories and I would like peoples opinion on this. Sorry if its long. TLDR at bottom.
​
At the time of this incident, I was about 23(m) and she was about 21. Lets call her Sarah. We worked together and she was dating another guy at the office, whom we shall call Tom. We became fast friends. She was into all the nerdy stuff I was into and we got along great. I was attracted to her, but because she had a BF I kept things purely platonic. Eventually she started some flirting. I felt uncomfortable because I knew her boyfriend and he was a really nice guy, and I didn't want to break up any relationship. But I play along in a joking way and try to keep it as friendly as possible.
After a while she started to complain about issues with Tom. He was getting a bit jealous, and in her words ,'controlling'. I let her vent and tried to be as diplomatic as possible. I even defended him at times, saying that while some of the things she was doing may seem innocent to her, they might not seem that way to him. I told her to try and see things from his perspective, and just try to communicate better. She thanked me for being honest, and started saying things like "you're such good listener" and "I wish I had a guy like you". Fast forward a month and she calls me to say they broke up. She comes over and cries on my shoulder. Now, I would be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that was happy that they broke up. But again, Tom is a great guy and I do feel bad about the situation. Because of this, I make any moves.
Over the next couple weeks, the flirting ramps up at work. We do hang out a couple of times, but I haven't made a move yet. There are two reasons for this. Being a nerd, at the time I was very inexperienced with this sort of thing and was nervous. Secondly, my Dad was suffering with cancer, so a lot of my time and thoughts were devoted to helping him and the family. About a week later, my Dad takes a turn for the worst and we rush him to the hospital. He eventually passes away that night. Over the next week, Sarah was now my shoulder to cry on. She even helps out with a couple things for the funeral, which was great.
The last few weeks been very clandestine at work. Not hiding all the flirting, but not advertising it either. But now a lot of my friends saw us together at the funnel. I later get warnings from a few people that she and Tom broke up because he thought she was cheating on him. Tom even came to me and told me his side of things. Tom is from a very traditional and conservative family, which also contributed to a lot of their issues. I do get a little suspicious, but having now heard both sides of things, I decide that he may just have been overly jealous after all. I spoke with him at length and he gave me his blessing about pursuing things with Sarah, as he was done with her.
Next time Sarah and I hang out I thank her for everything, I end up making a move and I get shut down. She tells me that she has been seeing someone for a couple of weeks and she they are now official. WTF? All that flirting and she was seeing this other guy while being with me a my Dads funeral? I am obviously upset, but its not like we were together, so I don't get mad or anything. I do feel a little like a fish on a catch a release, but whatever. I don't see her for a few weeks. I wasn't ghosting her, just taking time off to help my Mom get my Dads affairs in order. After that we remain friends, and even start a small band together (it didn't go anywhere, but that had nothing to do with this).
Over the next six months she breaks up with this guy and starts dating another guy. We all have our suspicions that this new guy started during the last guy. Whatever, not my business. She is still a little flirty sometimes, which I find weird. But I just joke around, ignore anything too flirty and just change the subject. I then start to feel like she is taking advantage of me a little. Always asking for rides, watching her cat for her all the time when she goes out of town to visit family, I even lent her a little money (she did pay me back). But whenever we planned to do things as friends she ends up cancelling because she is too busy. But she still msgs me sometimes and ends up trying to flirt again. At this point I am pretty much done. I don't hate her or anything, just realise that the warnings my friends gave me about her were right and decide to just let the friendship die on its own.
I then find out through the grapevine that she is banging one of my colleagues at work, who is over twice her age, and they have even done it in the office! I didn't believe it at first but one our mutual friends (that Sarah had a falling out with), showed me the messages to her from Sarah, talking about the whole thing. I debate telling her current BF, who I have only met a couple times. But I decide its not my business and leave it be.
A few days later I get a message from her being a flirty again. I snapped. I didn't swear or call her a whore or anything, at least not directly. I just bluntly called her out on all the above shit. How I thought she was a terrible person for leading my on while I was dealing with my Dad passing, screwing over her last three boyfriends, and how it was gross to be having sex with a guy twice her age, in the office. I finished it all by saying that she doesn't owe me an explanation, I'm not her boyfriend, but I just don't want to be associated with her anymore.
After that, she obviously avoided me at work. I got a new job a few months later, and that was that. She has attempted to make contact on facebook a couple times in the years since, but I have ghosted all her attempts.
​
I do sometimes feel bad about it. I mean, she did deserve it, but I heard from others that she was REALLY upset about it. I sometimes think I may have been too harsh. What do you guys think? Was I the asshole here?
​
TLDR; AITA for rather viciously for calling a friend out on being a massive slut? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
KpubpT2oVuJ3YiZjgCtajlTCXS27ewxo | atoze3 | {
"description": "not telling my friends it was my birthday and then feeling salty",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not telling my friends it was my birthday and then feeling salty? | It's not like I never told them. The topic comes up every so often and as recently as 2 weeks ago with some of them. It's a friend group of about 12 people and somehow *none* of them remembered. I've been friends with most of them for about 2 years which I think it's fine for some of them to not know but my roommate who I've known for 8 years? The same guy that gives himself birthday *weekends*??? I still went out with some of them on the day, I just never told them why I wanted to go out. Beyond ironically one of them started talking about their birthday, and the other was complaining about a friend that stopped wishing them on theirs.
I dont feel like I wanted much, it just seems like a super easy thing to remember about someone to show you care. I make it a point to do it for them, even for people I know won't remember mine like my roommates girlfriend. I'm not asking for gifts or to spend time with me, literally just a single fact about someone.
I thought about saying something and just celebrating on the weekend only to find out that my roommate has made plans with them to go do something I literally physically cannot do.
I feel kinda disgusted by everyone and low-key want to ditch the group. I just feel that in some way I'm obviously not important enough to any of them.
Not to say I feel like they don't value me. We have a great time when we go out, I just feel like something is off... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
ALoVxShXD33H0zxBJifZ5zEg4BGqUNjl | a7vqa8 | {
"description": "teasing my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for teasing my boyfriend? | Just a bit of a background, I own two lovely cats. Very sweet. When my boyfriend and I started dating I made it clear that me and my cats are a packaged deal. He said he understood. He likes my cats a lot but he really doesn't like dealing with cat fur.
We talked about the future and if we'd ever be able to move in together because he hates cat fur so much. In the beginning of the relationship he said it's possible to deal with but then the other night he said it was impossible and he just can't do it. I told him I was disappointed but I guess that's just how things are.
Since he clearly doesn't like cat fur, I just wanted to tease him a little. I remembered seeing things people made from their cat's fur (like a mini cats and some crazy accessories) and I jokingly asked him how he'd feel if I got him something like that. He got really upset and said he hates jokes like that and it's rude.
I told him of course I wouldn't get him anything like that, I was just joking. I had no idea why he got so upset because we've teased each other plenty of times before. I got annoyed because he's done similar jokes with me and asked him where'd his sense of humor go? He then snapped saying he's the type of guy who doesn't have one and hung up the phone and he hasn't talked to me in 24 hours. I have no idea what's going on with him and honestly the entire call felt like such a mess. I know there are situations where jokes can cross the line, but I sincerely felt like I didn't. What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nJ1rLQWmdEWgbJ3mdTMyhgf4Nro9q3LK | a542ke | {
"description": "hanging up on my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hanging up on my friend? | I have a friend who is schizoaffective. We’ve had a long friendship for years where an issue I’ve had is that she will talk for long periods of time about paranoia and delusions about people I literally know nothing about.
It gets to the point where I can read a book as we talk on the phone and she won’t even notice. I’ve timed her rants and up to ten minutes of pure talking will go by where I don’t utter a single word. I get frustrated when this happens because I feel that I’m just a sounding board. Frankly, the conversations are boring because she is ranting about people I don’t know or care about, people that she herself hasn’t seen for years, that they’re all out to get her. I feel used and sometimes inwardly groan when I see her calls.
Anyway, it happened again and I told her straight up that conversations like this bother me. In the past when I raise this issue, she has gotten very defensive. This time, she tried to take the complaint but launched into further ranting about how the schizoaffective disorder affects her life. It was like she literally could not help it.
I stayed on the phone because I didn’t want to hang up when she was in turmoil but after it seemed to clear up, got off right away. I could tell she was upset and still wanted to talk more.
I feel like an asshole for not wanting to be there for her but really don’t know what I can do. At this point, I feel like I’m enabling her paranoia by listening more than anything. I have my own life that she never asks about and she’s often negative about people we both know, so I never bring them up. She gets jealous when I hang out with other people so I don’t bring that up either. Everyone else we know has separated from her so I am one of her last friends.
Would appreciate tips from people with loved ones with schizoaffective disorder or other mental illness for how to not be an asshole but not getting sucked into her logic when this happens again. Because I know that it will. I don’t want to be an asshole to her and care about her, but I can’t simply be the passive listener who listens for two hours every night because it’s making me very angry at her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6KzibavMuo8xGl7u25LvUXEix3NDTy3C | ai8rmp | {
"description": "yelling at my cousin for being unemployed",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for yelling at my cousin for being unemployed? | I'm 19 and she's 20. Shes never had a job and is a student in the same university as me. I told my boss that she was looking for a job and he said let her come down and he pretty much guaranteed he'd give her the job. She said she didn't want to work in a bar and didn't want to work nights. I kind of yelled at her because I did a favour only to have it thrown back in my face and it's annoying how she constantly says she's trying her hardest to get a job but clearly even when other people try to get her a job she won't get it. But at the same time I feel bad because it's none of my business. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
2zTQV1y3nCDGbYkXQubVgV5vTgOOM8an | b94szq | {
"description": "asking for an open relationship",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for asking for an open relationship? | I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. I have a much higher libido than her, which I find very frustrating. We have sex around once a week which isn't enough for me. She also doesn't like me watching porn because she sees it as being unfaithful. The other day we got into an argument about it and I ended up asking if we could make it an open relationship. She lost it. She called me an asshole and told me to leave. We have talked on the phone but I haven't seen her in 4 days. I would never cheat on anyone and completely understand her not wanting to be in an open relationship.
AITA for just asking? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
gD6ORj4cALKJZwpgRD06duncwvxQ3TbI | b1sfty | {
"description": "asking someone to move their parked car out of a crosswalk",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for asking someone to move their parked car out of a crosswalk? | For a bit of context, I take a daily walk around my neighborhood, and in order to get out of my apartment complex I have to go across a narrow and busy street. Visibility isn't great because the street is narrow and takes a lot of twists and turns - it's often difficult to see what's around the bend. Even using a lot of caution I have had a few close calls with drivers either not seeing me or not paying attention.
​
On my way home from one of my walks, just as I'm about to cross at this crosswalk, a man pulls up directly into it, on the side of the road, and parks there. As he exits the vehicle, I tell him that he's parked in a crosswalk. I use the calmest tone possible as I know mistakes are easy to make; he could have just not been aware. He tells me "I've just been in an accident, go around". I look at the car, and at him, and I see no damage to the car or the man or anything serious going on. I understand that being in an accident is still incredibly stressful and he could have had injuries that I just didn't see, even if he didn't appear to be injured. The fact that he told me he was just in an accident is what makes me question whether I'm the asshole. Still keeping my calm tone, I said "Yes, but you're parked directly in a crosswalk, could you kindly pull your car forward a little bit." There's a large driveway that could easily fit his car about fifteen feet ahead of him. He continues to refuse. I get stubborn about it because I think that it compromises my safety and the safety of others if they want to cross. It seems trivial, but being hit by a car is definitely not trivial, and having to walk out from behind a car parked in a crosswalk, to me, definitely makes crossing in an already dangerous spot all the more dangerous.
​
I take a step back so that I don't seem like I'm trying to start a confrontation with the driver and think it over. I see a fireman who's come to assess the accident not far away, who doesn't seem to be busy. I walk up to him and ask him if he could please ask this man to pull his car forward out of the crosswalk. He seems hesitant, and tells me I could ask him. I explain what just happened. After this, he asks the gentleman to pull his car forward. He says "Oh, you'd like me to move forward?" and quickly does so. I cross and go home.
​
It might seem silly but the whole interaction had me anxious to the point of shaking. I've been cycling through whether or not I did the right thing, or I harassed a man who had just gotten into an accident unnecessarily. So what do you guys think? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
2uo9pN0AkFHXWiRCq1jpMecgcSaBRrGj | ab5pq6 | {
"description": "missing out on a plan because it's too early",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for missing out on a plan because it’s too early? | righto, so it was my mums birthday the other day on Boxing Day. I saw her in the morning but left in the afternoon as she was busy with her fiancé and they had something planned. I told my mum we can go see a film another day and get some lunch or something and just spend time together that way. She wanted my step sister to come (who I already made a post about - I don’t get on with her that well, she always makes fun of my boyfriends stutter so she just angers me anyway lmao. I try to avoid her if I can.) so she says we’ll do 11am.
She texts me at 9am saying I have to come pick you up at 9:30am or your step sister can’t come with us, me, obviously not being awake, didn’t see this until literal 9:20am. I told her I don’t have enough time to get ready and that there’s no point now. I made this plan initially with my mum for me and her to go alone. She spent her birthday with her fiancé and my step sister so I wanted to spend my own time with her. It might sound selfish but it’s so frustrating,
She’s now trying to make me feel bad as my step sister has plans later today and I told her we already had this plan to go to the cinema and that as we already planned it, if my step sister wanted to come she should have worked around us, not us around her and not last minute because now it’s just resulted in me not being there. I am 19, step sister is 25 but acts 12. If that helps in any way.
AITA for not trying to work around my step sister? And for not trying to go to the cinema at 10am? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
krPS0JfwAwVsa28lXTdOywoK3KlpLhIT | a3k3dr | {
"description": "not wanting to go to Vegas for a few weeks for my sisters wedding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go to Vegas for a few weeks for my sisters wedding? | So some back story, my sister moved to Vegas a few years ago to be with her fiancé. They weren’t supposed to be getting married until 2020 or later, but they just recently moved the wedding to February of 2019. I don’t have a “real” job at the moment, and my sister has offered to buy me a ticket to come to her wedding. I’ve told her that I can buy my ticket because I do different kinds of work like baby sitting, house cleaning, construction. Side work and things like that. Tonight she texts me and tells me that she’s going to buy two one way tickets (is it cheaper that way?) so I’ll have to stay for a few weeks. Simply speaking, I do not want to be there for weeks. My anxiety and depression are awful right now, my health isn’t that great (i’m chronically ill) and being away from home for so long just wouldn’t be good for me. I guess it’s also worth mentioning I actually lived there with her for a while, and she’s always tried pushing me to move back, and to be honest I really don’t want to deal with that right now. I don’t feel like I owe anyone an explanation, but it’s just not something I want to do. I’ve told her I really appreciate it, but I’ll buy my own round trip ticket so I won’t have to stay as long. She just seems to be getting annoyed with me and keeps pushing the one way ticket thing. it’s not that I’m NOT going to the wedding, I just don’t want to be there for so long and I really don’t see a problem with that. I would not miss this wedding for anything, but I also need to think of my mental health and I don’t see how not staying for longer than I need to is an issue. :( | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CGk7AROQkvaOOAIc5gv3OghcFuauqTJl | agueso | {
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to remain friends the the man she cheated on her ex with",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to remain friends the the man she cheated on her ex with? | My girlfriend and I have an absolutely incredible relationship. We have been together for a year and a half, this girl is THE one, and I have every intention of asking her to marry me one day. She is definitely a "one of the guys" kind of girl, and as such she has a lot of male friendships, some of whom she has previous sexual history with, some of whom have been strictly platonic. In the beginning, I was slightly bothered by this; I have my own issues of trust and insecurities from having been cheated on in past relationships. I've tried really hard to work on these issues with her, and we are in a really good place as far as all of that goes. That being said, there is one guy whom she maintains a relationship with that really bothers me, and I am becoming increasingly frustrated that she doesn't seem to care.
To give a bit of background, my GF's previous relationship devolved in to a dead bedroom/roommate situation in the last year or so. They remain good friends (which I'm cool with) but eventually realized they were far better suited as that rather than partners. Her and her BF did not have any sort of sexual contact for the last 10 months of their relationship. My GF is a very sexual person, and the idea of her going that long without sex certainly hammers home how bad things must have been, and eventually she slept with someone else. Now I certainly don't condone that behaviour, but I guess I can understand why someone could be pushed to do so under such dire circumstances. It also made her realize that the relationship was officially dead and ended it immediately after. She had been fully open and transparent with me in the beginning about the fact that she had done this, but hadn't been super forthcoming with the details other than that it had been with a coworker.
Eventually over time I was able to piece together that this coworker was her friend Jimmy. Jimmy was one of her friends whom she had mentioned having slept with in the past. As he had since moved to a different city, she had also mentioned how whenever she would go and visit her friends there, they would hook up. She had also mentioned that right before I came in to the picture, they were planning on taking a trip to Cuba together, "as friends". They texted each other frequently, and even hung out when he would come home to visit. Something about him bothered me more than any of her other friendships, and when I eventually clued in I asked her if Jimmy had been the coworker that she had cheated on her ex with, to which she said yes. She explained how he had fully taken advantage of the situation and manipulated her in to sleeping with him. Sounds like a cop out, but I believe her. I made it pretty clear that I was not comfortable with how close she still was with this guy, but she maintained that they were just friends who barely even talked anymore, and, while trying not to let my old insecurities get the better of me, left it at that.
That was pretty much the end of it until a couple of weeks ago, when she told me that Jimmy had recommended her for a job with connections he had out here. Annoying, but okay, it's a job she'd be great at so I can let it slide. We have been talking for a while about moving to the city that Jimmy lives in as it's a much cheaper city to live in, and one day while talking about this job interview she just slips in how Jimmy has said he would hire her to work at his company if we moved which I just could not believe she would actually consider given how aware she was regarding feelings about the guy.
This led to an argument as to why the hell you would still want someone like this in your life? Her answer was because they were still friends, even though whenever he came up before she constantly said how he was a man-child loser with basically no redeeming qualities. She seemed completely baffled by me being uncomfortable with her not only maintaining a relationship, but WORKING SIDE BY SIDE ON A DAILY BASIS with someone who A) She cheated on her previous boyfriend with B) Knew full well that she was in a relationship and clearly didn't give a shit C) Manipulated her in to sleeping with them D) She continued a sexual relationship with well after the cheating incident, even going so far as to talk about going on a trip together?? Her ultimate response was that I have nothing to worry about, that they are just friends, and that the only reason they still talk at all is because he can be a professional connection.
I just cannot understand why she can't comprehend why I don't want this guy in her life. Is she keeping him as a backup in case things don't work out between us? Does she just crave male attention that much? Can someone honestly just be this oblivious to how a situation like this might look? Am I just completely in the wrong here for trying to control their relationship?
TL;DR GF maintains a long distance friendship that she claims is strictly professional with the man she cheated on her ex with and continued a sexual relationship with right before she met me and can't understand why I have a problem with this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
hpFBB5gaGW131q4joeLoEY8JDEe3iVTl | a24hzp | null | AITA? Roomate is getting irritating. | I habe a newish roomate. Shes been here for two months. I smoke my weed with her and now she is incredibly dependant on it, and dependant on me for it. She is very desperate and low key possessive. She tried to sleep with me when she was drunk, I just brushed her off and before that shes always slightly hit on me but would deny it if I bring it up, although you can see her at the edge of her seat waiting for me to give some form of approval. She needs me to get her her weed and asked me 3 days in a row if I had picked up more weed already or not.
When she brings a dude over and I ask how hanging out with her friend waa, she swings the question in a way that im inquiring because im jealous.
Last night she kicked out her friend because I asked of she wanted to smoke weed. I showed her avideo and she just kept texting. Shes always hunched over on her phone when we do hang out and its REALLY annoying, I call people out on things I dont appriciate off the get go so it doesnt come as a surprise later on so she knows. I mention that im hungry (I hadnt eated in 10 hours since breakfast at this point) she snacks all day (And whines about being fat, she isnt fat but she CRAVES attention hard) so shes on a straight road to being fat and complaining about it and eating more, it grosses me out how people obsessively eat food. She immediately is hungry now and on my ass about driving her to get food. Shes whining over my show, shes pestering me. Asking me what I want, when I tell her what I want and say I just want to sober up from weed before I drive. She waits a couple minutes and says "soooooo, WHAT do you want?"
So after 10 minutes of interupting everything im doing because I mentioned I was hungry, I took her to mcdonalds. She stands super close with me as if we are a couple, and just texts on her phone waits for me to order, asks what I ordered, then orders the same thing. The moment she gets into my car she has amouth full of fries, frantically eating them like she was staving, making eating noises and pausing to groan and moan about the food while its still in her mouth. I tell her to stop and dont eat in my care to make a mess.
I am Very sensitive to senses like smell, hearing and touch so I kind of snapped (didnt) yell a bit and told her she could have taken her own car. When we get home she rushes out of my car, closes the house door on me, and went straight to her room. Now for silent treatment, until she caves and wants attention .
AITA, For getting mad at my roomate about pestering me for weed and food, interupting my time and eating loudly around me. Being irritated about her prying for my attention and inviting guys over to just see if id get jealous? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
YJw2M4qXx7I8xQkkqBz7PvT255B0e9Hm | 9t7438 | {
"description": "not wanting to help my mom with her business",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to help my mom with her business? | So basically, I'm an only child and I'm very close to my parents. I was living far away from home and working for a while but I ended up getting very depressed after some years and quit my job. I moved back home to live my parents for a while until I find a new job.
My mom is pretty much the breadwinner of the family and runs a business and my dad helps her with the documents and stuff like that. She grew her business from practically nothing and now she's doing really well – in fact, her efforts and her business are the only reason I was even able to go to college (she paid for everything). I really am very proud of her because she made it big and that's hard for a woman to do because the country/ community I live in is super patriarchal and male chauvinistic.
Anyway now she sees me – a jobless 24 year old/ with no direction in life/ looking for a new job and she starts hinting that I should join her business and take over the company. I totally understand why she would want me to continue her legacy but I honestly have no interest/ aptitude for the kind of business she's in. I think I would be really unhappy working with her/ for her. She is a great mom and we love each other, but she is super controlling and dominating and I know we would fight all the time if we worked together. But still, she insists that I'd be great at the business....
I'm a digital designer so I try to help out in whatever way I can, like I'm building a website for her company. But I just don't see myself actually joining the business and dealing with all her stuck up clients. And today she asked me to come to this big company event and I was definitely going to be there but then we ended up fighting over a stupid thing (which was my fault) and then she starts yelling at me about how I don't do anything for her and how I'm useless. Later in the day, I text her saying I'm not coming. That was shitty of me because I know she wanted me to be there. And then she texts me back saying she never expects anything from me because I'm a disappointment.
ANYWAY. I guess I'd just really like to know whether I'm an asshole for not helping her with work/ continuing her legacy/ and just generally not being there for her after she has done so much for me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9MTFKsTCDgOUwOvHZ5LRCwSTbWLfkKzP | b1q52e | {
"description": "immediately rebounding with a friend after my boyfriend cheats on me",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for immediately rebounding with a friend after my boyfriend cheats on me. | So this is going to be vague because it's a very specific situation. Also FTP, on mobile, all that jazz.
I found my (ex) boyfriend on a dating app a little bit ago. I wasnt snooping, I just moved his phone and it lit up with a bunch of notifications on his lock screen. I felt sick to my stomach and didn't look any further.
I immediately asked him what the fuck it was and he said "I'm looking to see who else is out there" so I broke up with him and left for work. By the time I got home he had already left and didnt want to talk to me, so I went out drinking with friends and one thing led to another and I hooked up with one. He's an old FWB that's also a friend of my EXboyfriend, and I felt pretty guilty.
I talked to my EX the next day and he didnt want to fix anything and wants us to be over for good, so I went out with this guy again. Right now it's being kept a secret from the rest of our friends and I'm not sure if I should tell them. I tested the waters to see how they'd react to me going on a tinder date and they were EXTREMELY against it, saying I should wait longer before moving on.
The reason everyone is so all up in everyone else's business is because the four of us live together. The FWB lives elsewhere and we've been just going over to his place. AITA for moving on so fast from my cheating boyfriend and keeping it a secret from my friends? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
oJNWO5duaCQx0bvbIUZquAqsrWbOzKCr | aawcai | {
"description": "being annoyed with my friend for sleeping with a girl in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being annoyed with my friend for sleeping with a girl in a relationship??- | I am quite an opinionated person and my pal has told me that he likes a girl from work (who’s had a boyfriend for four years, mortgage, pets etc). They’ve talked and she feels conflicted and he confided in me recently that they slept together.
I’m actually fuming with him; my last two relationships ended because the person I was dating at the time slept with another woman and it strikes me deep to know a friend of min could do that to another person. He knows she’s in a relationship, that makes him just as bad?
I can’t really look at him and talk about this situation with him because it really upsets me that that poor boyfriend is toddling on with his life thinking his girlfriend (I know she’s a fucking asshole for cheating) isn’t playing away.
AITA for being a bit mad? Im fully aware it’s none of my business but it’s just struck a personal chord with me and I think he’s cruel for playing a part in that.
in a nutshell; my friend slept with a girl in his work who he knows is in a (long term) relationship and I think he’s prick for it, AITA for thinking he’s a prick | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
RODh7m8kKO67PFWPR9v4y23XVMjN502E | akawo0 | {
"description": "setting up a go fund me for myself",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for setting up a go fund me for myself | so I am currently in first year of a degree. I went back to college last year at the age of 35. I have a serve mental breakdown in 2016 and when i finally started to feel good again, i decided to try become an engineer, as it was something i always wanted to do since childhood.
I was working a good paying job when i have my breakdown and i ended up leaving the job. This however left me in great financial trouble. I knew getting through 4 years of college with a wife and 2 kids was going to be tough but i was determined to do it.
I was getting an illness payment from the government and my wife works and while we were struggling we were surviving week to week. However, last week without notice i was cut off my illness payment despite still struggling with my mental health. I was told it was unlikely that i would get another payment from the government. The commute to college is one of my biggest costs at the minute, it has now become un-affordable.
due to my debt problems i cant borrow money and family members dont have the money to help me.
I suggested to my wife in my desperation that maybe i could set up a go fund me account. She thinks this would be morally wrong but i dont agree.
so WIBTA if i set up one? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WF3APUh5iP7asuhQLTFJWPXisoRyUfry | ake38w | {
"description": "not wanting to play with/entertain my younger cousin",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to play with/entertain my younger cousin [8F] | Let me start by saying that I don't hate kids. I actually like those little tykes running around and doing their fortnite dances and having fun. I think it's really heartwarming to watch them grow up while having tons of fun along the way. That's why my current situation has me practically at my wit's end.
My family has a habit of meeting up every other weekend for dinners or lunches. It's usually just a laid back gathering of uncles, aunts and cousins to chat and catch up with one another. And during every gathering, our littlest cousin is placed under our care while the adults crack open a cold one and chat.
The thing is, us cousins are around the age group of early to late twenties (with me being the youngest at 21), and we have a huge problem keeping up with her energy - we've gotten to a point where we really just want to sit around and talk (since it can get pretty hard for everyone to meet up consistently, and we're a very tight knit family that likes to be up to date with everyone's lives) instead of running around, too.
But the main problem isn't my youngest cousin's (YC) energy - it's her ridiculously entitled attitude. YC thinks it's perfectly ok to yell incoherently in the middle of our conversations to get us to pay attention to her or tackle and hit us in areas we've specifically told her not to (eg. faces/eyes, one time even the groin). Even worse, when we don't give her the attention she wants, she starts throwing a tantrum by sitting down wherever (eg. in the middle of the living room where everyone is) and crying at the top of her lungs. When we fuss over her then, she only cries and screams louder until her mother comes.
And it somehow gets worse when we *do* pay her attention. If we play games with YC, she starts sulking immediately if she loses. At times, she might even begin to throw a tantrum again, and cry/scream until we let her win. She also attempts to cheat all the time, but becomes absolutely furious if we even try to playfully cheat back. It's gotten to the point where when we do play, we have to let her win all the time, which is truthfully very tiring and leaves us all feeling disgruntled, as we're letting her win out of fear of her losing, rather than to see her joy of winning. And if we even dare try to stop playing and return to chatting even as a break, she'll just keep bothering us by interrupting our conversations by bodily throwing herself in the middle of our circle and whining, or constantly asking rudely every five minutes if we can play.
Me, and all of my other cousins, have tried our best to teach her how to behave better, like not yelling/crying whenever things don't go her way, to respect it when people say 'no'/'stop', or to ask nicely for things instead . We've tried being patient and going along with her, and we've even tried lecturing her (as gently as we can, as she's still a child), but nothing seems to work!
Her attitude even seems to grow worse by the day, and her parents are a complete joke. Her mother thinks YC is fine as long as she's fed and clothed (aka why she has no qualms tossing her kid to us clueless young adults and only stepping in when YC begins to bawl), while her dad is prime absentee parent unless it comes to disciplining/scolding her.
Because we've been forbidden from disciplining YC/making her cry, and every interaction with YC grows more exhausting by the day, we've taken to ignoring her tantrums/interruptions to our conversations. We still answer and mildly play with her, but no longer break out the games/full on entertainment. We're also well aware that her tantrums and tears are something she uses on command just to get attention (eg. she'll begin to cry/scream at the top of her lungs saying we hit her leg and how much it *hurts* when we barely bump into her), so we've taken to ignoring those as well, even if she cries right beside us. Also, although we used to hold our tongue when she hit us, we've become quicker to say a stern 'no' to her hitting us or misbehaving.
But I understand that her behaviour is a product of her environment, so I do feel bad giving her the silent treatment or being firm with her sometimes, since she's still so young. I guess I just want to know if we're assholes for behaving this way :/ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5jJSVwsMk6lgArpPK8imVZAuYYmkxl7H | af8fha | {
"description": "getting mad that my girlfriend wants to spend entire weekends at her family's house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for getting mad that my girlfriend wants to spend entire weekends at her family's house? | For a little backstory, my gf and I have been together for almost 4 years, living together for 3. We are both 20 with full time jobs but she doesn't have her drivers license yet. For a while now she's made a habit of going up to her grandmother's house in a city that is a little more than half an hour away to see her and her mom. I have tried putting my self in her shoes but I just can't understand this. She says it's so she can practice driving but I know she only does that for a couple hours at most. There used to be a time where the normal weekend for me would be her mom picking her up from work on friday and then her staying the ENTIRE weekend until I have to pick her up monday night from work. It's taken a serious toll on me as we both work a lot so we don't get to spend a whole lot of time together during the weekdays. I told her how this makes me feel and she's stopped going for that long a while ago, but now this weekend she wants to leave to go to her 6 y.o cousin's bday party today (saturday) and then stay all the way thru sunday night and have me pick her up again on monday. I'm really trying not to be a controlling boyfriend and try to understand her POV but it is just infuriating to me that she always does this. We have a home. We have a place to live. You do not need to be going over there to spend the nights like you're an adult not a little kid. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
k1iorlSIR0qEDRhyKU8ZMoyh8XbtBJ5l | b7qxdw | {
"description": "wanting to get a permit to work",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For wanting to get a permit to work? | Weird one, i know.
14y/o here. Where i live, if you're not 16, you need a permit to work. Being that teen that wants money, i want to work, but cant work for my parents, because they wont pay me for it.
My parents, always say im wasting money, if i buy anything thats on my "wants". Now, i have gotten into Guitar recently. I always wanted to learn Guitar since rock music is what i love. All the other hobbies gave me issues, and were expensive. Football unfortunately, i cant really do due to my health. Gaming and such, is expensive. Now i already had an acoustic, and some reddit user gifted me an electric.
Something i wanted to use, was Rocksmith. I have the game, but no cable, so i wanted to get a small job to buy one. Which it isn't even expensive, like 30$.
My mom didn't like it. She wouldn't let me go try to find a job. She wanted me to do jobs for neighbors, which is expected, but i already told her, there aren't any really available.
I honestly hated it. Because playing guitar was a hobby i found joy in. I battle social issues, and some mental. And so i tried distracting myself with guitars. It work pretty well, but i wanted to use something that will progress with my learning.
I even said i wanted the job to help with some of my medical expenses.
Am I the asshole for wanting to work for myself? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MgAAeSfJeQ2gAPZLHwwNwVn3IqGbOFjz | b52tza | {
"description": "walking out of a restaurant with the guy I'm dating because he was in a bad mood",
"pronormative_score": 465,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for walking out of a restaurant with the guy I’m dating because he was in a bad mood | I’ve been dating a guy for two months. Throughout this time I’ve felt like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes he’s in a great mood, is affectionate and nice but others he is very cold, distant, and moody. He often rants on text message about things that are annoying him or stressing him out and I’ve always listened and given him space to vent.
Friday night we went out for dinner and as soon as I arrived at the restaurant I could tell he was in a bad mood. He grunted hello, was giving me one word answers and didn’t seem to want to speak to me. I complimented him on his outfit and told him he looked nice to which he said: “I was going to say the same to you but I can’t be bothered.” He very rarely pays me compliments and it hurt to hear him say this especially as id really made an effort to look good.
Id been excited about going out with him and had been looking forward to dinner but his coldness completely threw me. I asked him if he was ok and he just replied that he was in a bad mood. I asked why and he said ‘I don’t know, I just am. I don’t need to have a reason, deal with it.’ I know he’s stressed with work at the moment but I felt so uncomfortable with how he was behaving that I said instead of sitting in silence and having an awkward dinner I’d rather go home. To clarify, this was the third time he had behaved like this towards me but the previous two times I hadn’t said anything.
He blew up at me at this point and said I was over reacting and that it was his right to be in a bad mood if he wanted to. I said I’d leave him to it, got up and left.
Since then he’s messaged me saying I’m pathetic, a drama queen and that I am obviously used to men ‘kissing my ass’ which he is not prepared to do. AITA here guys for walking out like that? I’m feeling really bad right now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 463,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 465,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
qAxog2VwQSTQvvDpblwUqUpMg62u0iNu | 9zwv9m | {
"description": "talking during the credits of Ralph Breaks the internet",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for talking during the credits of Ralph Breaks the Internet? | So tonight I went to see Ralph Breaks the Internet with my cousins. I have a lot of cousins so there was about 12 of us going to see the movie.
We watched the movie and I looked up to see if there were any post-credit scenes and there were so we decided to wait to see them. So while the credits were going (it was just text not any dialogue going on) we start talking to each other. We’re all in the same row so we kind of have to speak up a bit to talk to someone a few people down. I was joking around with my cousin that was 4-5 people down about “Shrek it Ralph” the sequel to Ralph Breaks the Internet that’s a crossover with Shrek.
I also didn’t really have my voice because we had Thanksgiving before we saw the movie so I was a bit hoarse. I talked a little louder because I felt like he wouldn’t be able to hear me and the guy a few seats to the left of me and in the row in front of us just looks up at me and says “SHUT THE FUCK UP”. So I thought that was pretty aggressive since we were just talking during the credits waiting for the post-credit scene.
After the lights in the theater came up and we were leaving, a different cousin was telling me how it was kinda weird some guy told me to stfu during the credits and the guy yells at us from the bottom of the stairs “shut the fuck up. I’m still here” and I replied with “sorry I ruined the Wreck it Ralph credits for you”.
So was I being the asshole or did it make sense for the guy to tell me to stfu? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
M2fyUabOxKnvP8BVQ4MdEmWdznCdt5ZH | a3f684 | {
"description": "not wanting my mom to keep his Christmas gifts at her house",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting my Mom to keep his Christmas gifts at her house? | I’m a stay at home mom, so my son is home with me always. He stays with my Mom maybe once a week for 2-3 hours. He has toys there and plenty to play with for the short amount of time that he’s there.
For the past two years every Christmas and birthday she wants to buy him toys or even clothing items to keep at her house.
Example.
His first birthday she bought him a Cozy Coupe car, he didn’t have one. She brought it to our house for him on his birthday and when she went to leave she was going to take it with her. He cried wanting it and I asked “Is that not a gift for him?” And she (grudgingly) left it.
Last Christmas she bought him a power wheels 3-wheeler for Christmas and informed us that it was to stay at her house, along with a few other gifts. We just let it go because he didn’t ask to take it home.
Now this year she wants to buy him a whole swing set for her house. He doesn’t even have one at home! It will be most of his Christmas, plus a few other toys that he doesn’t have that she says are for her house.
This really seriously bothers me. They’re supposed to be his gifts! It would be like me buying her a new Keurig or something and saying “Oh, this is only for you to use at my house.”
I mean it kinda makes me mad, and my husband says to let it go because I sound ungrateful.
I’m not ungrateful for the gifts, just that everything she buys him he only gets to play with maybe once a week and only at HER house.
I want to tell her, but husband says I would be an ass hole.
So...AITA for wanting my kid to have his gifts actually given to him?
(On mobile. Formatted the best that I could.) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
PXbb2fiRWQT6toMma8uTRTiIx4OvTKlq | asqb3g | {
"description": "not wanting to walk upstairs to take a shit",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to walk upstairs to take a shit? | So this all started because my girl friend one day told me that my shits stink so bad and that i should go upstairs when i have to take a shit. We live together with her parents who s mom also has a sensitive nose but we cant spray anything to cover the smells up because the air freshener gives my girl a headache. I suggested she goes upstairs and uses that bathroom for her own. Need less to say she didnt like that idea and is now telling me im an asshole. Im telling them that their shit stinks too.
Because lets be honest SHIT STINKS.
So Am i really the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
2F9nLCNadigvAtGBzctZpDjJ2bRb7Nno | aiy4fc | {
"description": "being honest with my 'friend'",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being honest with my ‘friend’ | So for a bit of context, my friend, let’s call her Heather, has struggled with her mental health and reduced her working hours from full time to one day a week then quitting completely as she said she couldn’t handle the responsibility of having a job in the field we both work in.
She has had a lot of support with her mental health from medical professionals, friends, family, people she works with, basically everyone she meets bends over backwards to keep her happy as she’s seen as so fragile and unpredictable. She prefers more of a ‘spiritual’ approach which evidently is not working and tbh some of the things she does to heal are in my opinion ridiculous and are just gimmicks aimed at people who are vulnerable and have money to waste so it’s difficult for me to have as much sympathy as I should when it seems like she’s not really trying.
Last time we spoke she told me she wants a job as a gardener which I said seems like a great job (I’m obsessed with plants so this was genuine) but it’s not the season for it as it was mid November when she decided to look for the job.... now she’s telling our mutual friends that I’m a negative person and she can’t bare to be around me and that she doesn’t want them to invite me when we all hang out. The gardening thing is the only issue she can think of when questioned about my negativity and part of her mental health issues are supposedly not knowing the difference between real life and dreams/imagination so I’m not sure if that comes into play here.
AITA for telling her November isn’t the best time to look for a job as a private gardener? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lpvS41gmizJkbSvQOSqVqYhUezkFJCrD | amvn9l | {
"description": "avoiding calls from my little cousin who is quite attached to me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for avoiding calls from my little cousin who is quite attached to me? | I watched my little cousins for a few weeks late last year while their parents were out of the country for a loss in the family. The older one was a teenage girl so she was mostly uninterested in whatever I was doing unless it involved food. The younger one was a 9 y/o boy and was finding it more difficult to stay away from his parents.
To keep him distracted and entertained, I used to spend a lot of time with him and bent the rules their parents left. We would stay up late eating cookies and I would watch him play fortnite while browsing reddit. We really bonded over that time and leaving was hard because he wouldn’t stop crying.
As soon as I was back home, I started getting calls from him everyday. At first it was nice and we would talk sometimes for 30 minutes about our day, video games, and other random things. After a few weeks of that, though, the calls became monotonous and repetitive; as you can imagine a 9 y/o’s life isn’t excessively interesting nor can I share much about my college life with him.
Nowadays, I make excuses for missed calls or say that I have something to do to cut calls short. I’ll lie saying I have homework to do, I’m out with friends, I’m driving, or I didn’t have my phone when he called. What used to be a daily thing for at least 20 minutes is now every few days for about 5. Now, I know the kid loves me and I love him too but I just don’t have the patience to spend time everyday talking about the same things. Also, I’d much much rather lie about what I’m doing than tell him to stop calling me everyday.
AITA for not giving this time to my cousin who is so attached to me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
dxMFRCbel8EYAIjSyaxpZHqQHqY3TXCF | af2g07 | {
"description": "being to tell somebody who considers me a good friend that I don't really like them",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I were to tell somebody who considers me a good friend that I don’t really like them? | Throwaway as a friend knows my main account, and would likely know who the person is. There’s this guy who is sort of in my friend group, but I can’t stand him. He’s very loud and often just yells in normal conversation. He’s also very unfunny, thinking random loud noises and randomly decreasing his tone is a good joke. He’s very bad with personal space, and will randomly walk into people as a joke, and often stands waaaaaay too close for comfort. He also shows straight-up disgusting pictures (including someone being vomited on, or someone’s face covered in snot) thinking we will laugh, and uses racist jokes way too liberally (I love a good racist joke, but he does it far too much). But he genuinely cares about me and considers me a close friend. A few members of my friend group dislike him too, and one has openly stated it once or twice. I still want to say something eventually, and need a second opinion. Would I be the asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
WAhhdzIytxgRWLf1imCBcjeqSHZraSyM | a8hfjj | {
"description": "not wanting to attend SO's family's Christmas events",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to attend SO's family's Christmas events? | SO and I are both atheists and have Saturday through Tuesday off for the holidays. His parents tends to go a little too hard for the Christian holidays and have four separate events (breakfast, lunch, and dinner) lined up between lunch on Monday and dinner on Tuesday. The events include him, his parents, and x family member (maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, family friends, etc).
I was not raised to celebrate Christmas, so I don't and his parents know this. I haven't attended any of their religious holiday celebrations before, but they specifically asked for me this time (text: "Make sure you \[SO\] and Creative\_Accident123 are on time!")
SO says I don't need to go. He's only going to avoid drama by skipping out on a major, religious holiday, but I have no obligation to his family. In addition, his extended family is weird about people of color and I don't want to put myself in that position again (the first and last family meeting was not favorable).
I'm leaving to visit my own family Saturday/Sunday, then driving back Monday morning. I was planning on relaxing before going back to a hectic three day workweek playing catch up at end-of-month (generally hectic in my field). Turning around and going to spend the next 48 hours with HIS family just sounds exhausting.
I mentioned to a co-worker that I was spending Christmas Eve/Christmas Day at home, alone, relaxing with my animals instead of with his family. She caused a stir about how disrespectful I'm being regarding the situation (she knows I'm in a LTR w/ SO) and how I should be celebrating with them. I was confused, so I reached out to a few friends for their opinions. All but one agreed that I should go to at least one event and keep up appearances, even if I don't like them and it will be tiring.
AITA for not going at all? I sent cards to his parents and grandparents. I chipped in for the presents he got them. I just don't feel the need to start pretend celebrating a holiday just for these people. There's not a sign in our home that we acknowledge Christmas. The only presents being wrapped this month are going directly to his family.
If it was just drinks and laughs, I'd go. It's serious, somber, lots of praying and being thankful for Jesus/Christ/God/Bible/religion basically. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
PEPI5p8HEt7k6A4OPhrMpJ715KXcgkNJ | a946m6 | {
"description": "asking my dad to not dig the food during dinner",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for asking my dad to not dig the food during dinner? (read post first pls) | So, a few weeks ago my mother cooked for us. There is this dish, steamed egg with soya sauce. While we were all eating, my dad was digging the egg and making it very messy, just imagine egg being like mashed potatoes. So I told him, I wasn't being rude and my tone was not disrespectful, " Dad, could u not dig the egg, it's very messy." Well, his reaction was like what did u say to me? He said like," I'm ur father, how could u say this to me?" I was confused af, like he felt offended even though I said it with a normal tone. Apparently I'm in the wrong? What do u guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
Lnpzh4aUviLF7MKUdzVAm1o4OpHDOkBV | b2z8nl | {
"description": "upsetting a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for upsetting a friend | (before I start I just want to say I have social anxiety and for obvious reasons struggle with social situations, but it was her birthday and I didn't want to seem rude by not going)
So we were out at a restaurant with a few other friends (there were about 5 of us) and around halfway through it gets pretty loud and crowed which sets off my anxiety, I didn't want to be rude and run off to the bathroom so I pulled out my phone and messed around on it a bit to try and distract myself (I was still joining in with the conversation but I wasn't as focused on it as I had been), the rest of the night goes fine and we all go home.
A day or two later I get a text from a different friend telling me I'd upset the friend who's birthday it was so I text her and ask what I had done, she said that by going on my phone I had made her feel as if I didn't care about her, I explained why I had done it and she is well aware that I have social anxiety but she still insisted I apologized, I said I still didn't understand why I had to but if she explained more clearly what exactly I had done I would, at this point I had to go and finish of the essay I was writing and didn't see her message, in hindsight, I should have waited for her response but hey.
This (obviously) got her even more wound up and when I get back to her I was getting silent treatment.
I ended up apologizing but I still feel like I shouldn't of had to.
Who's in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
PHh1tNubDVrVQtW1kksMXS7eB1c6rUV7 | a62lg5 | null | AITA Pregnant girlfriend left the country to give birth, and is spending a lot of time with her ex | She has been in contact with her ex the whole 2 years we've been dating, and he has even told her he loved her and missed her recently. I've tried not to be too jealous, but I've pointed out that it doesn't sit well with me.
​
She found out she was pregnant during a period in which we had broken up. I was at the point where I did not want to hear from her ever again. We would break up, and then a week later she would fuck me, and tell me she loved me, and then the next day tell me we were just friends. This happened 3 or 4 times, and at that point, I had had enough of the mindfuck.
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Admittedly, I was an alcoholic and drug addict at this point (relapsed when I met her, so I was at least somewhat functional). When she found out she was pregnant, she told me it would be in my best interests to sober up and that she would talk to me the following year. I did this out of spite, as I figured she just wanted me back. A few weeks later, she told me she was pregnant.
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I'm not allowed into Canada (due to a drink driving conviction), and told her that I really want to be there for the birth. She wouldn't change her mind, and left anyway. I feel like she is mainly doing this so she can get permanent residency in Canada. She already has PR, but that requires her to be there for something like 2 out of every 5 years. Having the baby there means she will have full citizenship from what she has told me.
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I was completely against this idea, and we've had many arguments about it. I didn't want to miss the birth of my first child. I kept pushing this, and she started threatening to find someone else to raise "her" child.
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Right now she is over there, spending time with her ex. It's been weeks, and she only told me last night. I told her how it made me feel, and why (I'm missing the birth of my child, and she over there spending this time with her ex). She has just refused to respond to me. She initially offered to stop spending time with him if I felt uncomfortable, but then told me that she is all alone in a place where she know no-one, and her well-being is at stake. My rebuttal was that she can always come home, and be with her partner and family, if she really feels her well-being is being affected. She completely ignored me, and told me she would talk to me when I was being less selfish.
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Am I really the asshole here for wanting her to not spend all this time with her ex? | HISTORICAL | {
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m6nArAHTaKMc878dY9nLIegr52dCi8GJ | a1vowl | {
"description": "calling people stupid for cheating",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for calling people stupid for cheating? | At my school these kids got caught cheating by sharing questions to the future periods during the day.
Two days later day we have another test in a different subject where kids are talking about the questions on the test while a different teacher is behind them. They almost got caught.
I went and wrote something on social media about how stupid people are for continually cheating super obviously. Classmate comes up to me and says “delete it” because it hurts the people who got caught’s feelings. Should I have deleted it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
W41FIKqUw3zcDW8exUhZ2fSJKNChIAFP | a0teja | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with people who constantly talk about their depression",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with people who constantly talk about their depression? | Disclaimer: Ive experienced depression, I was in a situation which most people I know haven't had to deal with, that caused me a great deal of hopelessness and stress at home. So I can empathesize strongly with people who have issues like I did, and because of this I tend to take care of people, to want to help them as much as I can, to give advice, to go out of my way. And I'm starting to feel like it's not my problem anymore.
I'm a kind person and I know this. However I feel like a dick for wanting to distance myself. I am generally the person who friends vent to which is good. But I also seem to attract problematic people who only vent and are literally doing nothing to change their situations except complaining.
For example, I stopped talking to this girl because every day we'd text and she would discuss how depressed she is about her ex, how no one wants her, how shes not good at anything, and how that day she was going to kill herself. I'd talk her off the ledge every day.
Another guy(who I really like as a person) wont stop talking about his ex either, who wants no contact with him and who HE broke up with 3 months ago. Says shes so perfect, shes basically a goddess and he feels like a scummy idiot, talks about her like she is a saint. I dont just talk, I make offers, I'll send memes or play games with you or hang out, I dont give unsolicited advice to anybody, I share my own stories. He has me as his friend but always says he's so alone, has nobody.
It feels like to people who are that depressed there is absolutely nothing you can say or do and I would rather stay away if I cant help at least with my friendship as it will just cause me stress and make me feel bad for them.
If they keep talking about it I feel irritated at this point and I dont have time for it anymore. I feel bad and like I'm obligated to talk but in each situation, these people have family, other friends, money. So why is it my job? I think my boundary now is that if our conversations primarily consist of me being a therapist, then I dont want to talk. I'm drained, there are like 3 others rn | HISTORICAL | {
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qAlZWZDUDVDAul4X6zDuibbsiCRN4hd7 | b8ptov | {
"description": "not sharing the pregnancy",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not sharing the pregnancy? | Sorry about the rambling post.
So, about 11 weeks ago my girlfriend (22) and I (23) found out that she is pregant! Super excited. Skip to last weekend where we showed our siblings the ultrasound. We also showed my mom's side of my family because they are there for us all the time and we see them at least twice a month. Later that day we made a Facebook post showing the ultrasound. Skip to this afternoon. My dad asks me if I've told his father yet. He asked if I would before my aunt tell him. Here's my issue. I hardly contact that side of the family if once a year some times not even. I usually get an obligatory birthday call a few days late from my grandfather. So I guess I really don't care how my grandfather finds out. It's more that he hasn't been a presence in my life the last 15 years. I don't feel the need to communicate about my life with him.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
H2ygCW3gdxXVhEqghVTCMXwcCmIMofNs | b5upa5 | {
"description": "wanting a native american blessing read at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 61,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for wanting a Native American blessing read at my wedding? | Okay so hear me out here. For background, I am getting married in about a month. My fiance and I are both predominantly white, his family does have some Native American but they are not particularly connected with that culture. This all started when I was looking for nonreligious readings to use at the end of our ceremony. I found an Apache blessing that was typically used in place of wedding vows and really connected with it. It is far more about the connection of the two people getting married than anything else. I want to have this blessing read to close out our ceremony, and do intend to have it introduced as a traditional Native American blessing. My sister is now telling me that this is cultural appropriation and I am an A-hole for wanting to use it. On the other hand, when searching for nonreligious readings this blessing has shown up on every site that I have looked at. So AITA for wanting to use something that isn't my culture but really resonated with me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 55,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 61,
"WRONG": 31
} | RIGHT |
lkS0PwLOUis2dJuBXSkzaW59PjgVBIhY | ao4lsc | {
"description": "locking down my Mother-In-Law's computer",
"pronormative_score": 133,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For Locking Down My Mother-In-Law's Computer? | So for context, I love my mother-in-law, Marie, but she is at that age where she is just terrible with computers. As my day job is in IT I always die a little inside when I boot up her computer. Trying to make heads or tails of everything on her computer is enough to cause an aneurysm.
It's not just messy either. She gets hit by Spyware, Malware, and Ransomware almost weekly now. I've gotten countless phone calls from other family members or her saying that her files are all locked and she can't use the computer. Luckily I have a disk image I can restore to but it's still a process to go to her house and do it. The boiling point is when she bought $500 in prepaid credit cards to pay off a ransomware attack.
Talking to my wife, I suggested that we lock her computer down. Many schools do this with lab computers and it's admittingly not the greatest, but if it means someone who's not computer literate isn't exposed to these things. My wife loves the idea. So the next time we're over I tell her I'll help protect the computer and even tell her I'm going to limit access to things so she may notice some things won't open or run like they did before. She was hesitant but after working with her on it we agreed on a system that works for her.
I load up every tool I can think of to protect the machine (AdGuard, Veracrypt, Rollback Rx, Malwarebytes, etc) and incorporate a lot of group policies to lock down the machine. We're set!
For a month, nothing. I could finally relax and enjoy my life. Well last week I get a particularly nasty email from my wife's siblings and their SO's. Saying how I violated their moms privacy and are treating her like a child (which admittedly is kinda true but not in a mean way). I explain that none of them are helping her with these issues, and that it works for her. They start telling me that everyone has to do their part, which I agree with, but tell them if I can do this particular job more efficiently, then I will; and that if she has any issues getting basic functions done (i.e. going to facebook, paying bills, checking emails) then I can adjust the configuration but she's having no issues and is actually happier now as she doesn't have an out of service computer for days on end.
Still, the family insists that I'm the asshole and even went as far as to say I wasn't invited to a few upcoming events. So I guess the question is: Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 133,
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} | RIGHT |
vwehebt9PmUcnoLfea3LMv7xJzXo0v1w | ad4320 | {
"description": "delaying an internship for one day to organize my schedule with a better opportunity",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for delaying an internship for one day to organize my schedule with a better opportunity | I am currently on job hunt for one year. To get some experiences and have something to do, it was planned to start an internship (no money, just a favour) next monday at the company XY my FIL works, who got me the interview for the internship. Last thursday i got a call from an old boss from a job i worked at in school and university, who has someone (company AB) that is interested in hiring me for 1 or 2 month. So i call them and they wanted to see me resumee and would call back. There was no word, when it would start, but the person made it very clear that they would need me asap. After waiting for the call back on friday, i decided i call company XY and ask if we could delay the internship for one day, so that i could call company AB, ask if they want me and when to start and schedule everything, that both jobs don´t overlap. They agreed and i thought it was fine.
Friday evening my FIL called and talked to my wife, saying that the guy i talked to, complaint to him, that i make them feel like the second best and it was just a favour for my FIL, that i can have an internship there and they were setting up a workplace for me and have made plans for work i can do there (it is a b2b tech company and i make the internship in communication/social media, which they have one person for, that does it by the way). My wife then told me this and gave me some shit about it. She also got in talk with her parents that i don´t have that good communication skills, might have express myself wrong and this could also be a problem in my job hunt.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 0,
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7D79yh4QRwooofO0664Hi3pOM3ytlBlp | audzt9 | {
"description": "telling my dad he got me the wrong gift",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for telling my dad he got me the wrong gift? | (This happened awhile ago)
I want to start off by saying I love my parents more than anything. I'm not really one to care about gifts (unless it’s something really meaningful) and would rather just spend time with my loved ones. That being said I have noticed my parents give horrible gifts (wrong sized clothes, discount bin items) They are very wealthy so it’s not that they can’t afford nice things, they just aren't the best gift givers.
I never told my parents what I wanted for Christmas before, but I did this time because I REALLY wanted some Air Pods. I saw a wrapped gift under the tree and it was the only one with my name on it (the exact shape and size of Air Pods) and I was looking forward all month to opening them! When I opened it, it turned out to be apple ear pods (normal earphones with the wire and everything). I don't know why but I got really really upset about this. I almost wanted to cry (i know, pussy). I think he could tell and asked me what was wrong and I told him the truth. Basically “I wanted the other earphones but these work for what I need”. Then he started to yell at me and called me a spoilt brat.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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"RIGHT": 7,
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JxWS37I4aHw9VZ256wuxmkuS1r9Nw9iU | ba2vgr | {
"description": "refusing to argue over an \"opinion\" on being transgender",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for refusing to argue over an "opinion" on being transgender? | For some background, the girl I got into a semi-fight with is not by any means someone I like, but I respect her, because everyone deserves that. She actually says things quite frequently, that make me question her grasp of common sense.
Yesterday, during biology class, my teacher brought up being transgender. I am part of the lgbtq+ community, but I'm cis. Regardless, everyone in my class knows that I will stand up for lgbtq+ rights, and that I don't care if a teacher is present, I will not let bigotry pass.
She asked a question, that I didn't really think was a good one, but then again, I can't expect that everyone is educated on everything, so I eventually offered to answer her question, because our teacher didn't know the answer. I can't remember the actual question, but while asking, she said "transgender is, for example, a woman who wants to be a man".
Many of you will likely understand why the phrasing bugged me. I have called her out on this kind of thing multiple times, so I don't really have a problem with doing so again.
After answering her question, I explained why being transgender isn't a choice, and how saying it is, is harmful. Before I could finish, she cut me off to tell me, I didn't understand what she said.
I was getting mad at this point, and my friend tried to calm me down. Apparently, everyone but her understood what I was trying to say. After multiple attempts of me beginning to talk, and her cutting me off, I just told her, that I had no interest in being interrupted while trying to explain something that was important to me, and that she was just being disrespectful. That shocked her, and she began borderline-cursing at me. At that point my biology teacher cut in, and told her to let me talk and explain.
Eventually, I was able to explain what being transgender was and that it's not a choice. Also, I very much understood what she said, that's why I was trying to explain that she made a very common mistake.
After that, I refused to discuss the matter with her, because she never let me explain my arguments and dismissed scientific facts.
Now, I do acknowledge that she likely didn't have bad intentions, and that I could have been nicer about it, and not pointed it out. I'm just so tired of transphobia, and I genuinely just tried to educate her, and stayed calm throughout the entire exchange.
Am I the asshole for calling her out and then refusing to put up with her actions? | HISTORICAL | {
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3I7FQwxuaRWwRBL7XDpy7CXlAIxbfXSn | ai4g7o | {
"description": "getting mad and ending a 10yo friendship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad and ending a 10yo friendship | A lot of things led up to the argument that just now ended a 10 year long friendship.
I met my friend, we'll call Becca in 7th grade and her, I and a third friend we'll call Susie became besties. Me and Becca have a falling out after moving apart after 9th grade and we didn't talk for a year. This falling out taught me to never criticize her or she'd block me.
After a year we start to pick things up and we end up moving closer to each other again and going to the same school again. For the 2 years the school lasted everything is great, back to normal.
I had to move to get my education and so did she, but not to the same city.
Now we've lived apart for 4 years, only seeing each other once or twice a year. I've gotten my education, live in an apartment and I'm engaged. Becca ended up moving back home to her parents, dropped out of school and has never recovered.
Through all of this we have both battled depression and anxiety. Only problem is, I beat mine and she didn't.
I try to support her, sure it's her mom's fault she has anxiety and depression. No she doesn't need to find a new psychologist, it's fine.
But now the friendship has become one-sided cause I'm not depressed anymore so she can't help me with that, and I can't help her because I'm not allowed to critique her.
She has so much anxiety that I have to plan every time we meet, which already isn't often. And she almost always cancels.
I'm already at my limit of what I'll accept from a friend, and all she does is whine about every aspect of her life. And then yesterday happened.
My dad's had a heart attack and I write to her and Susie. Susie is worried, asks questions, is googling things for me and tried to be Goofy and cheer me up. What does Becca do? "Read", she left me on fucking "read" when my dad has a heart attack. That hurt.
Today she gives me some bullshit excuse "I was emotionally exhausted so I put it aside". And I just snap. I tell her how I thought the friendship had become one-sided, that I didn't think she actually cared about me just the validation I could give her. She kept deflecting everything I said and I think she tried to gaslight me if I'm honest.
It ended with her now blocking me on Facebook and probably everything else.
Am I the asshole for not keeping my thoughts to my self? Is her excuse valid in that context?
Tldr: My best friend for 10 years left me on read when my dad had a heart attack and I snapped told her my truth and now we're not friends anymore.
| HISTORICAL | {
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mWvo8z2AnXra8O3FrIRE2bMUyBC3bVBM | amode6 | {
"description": "asking one of my girlfriends freinds to compliment her hair",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking one of my girlfriends freinds to compliment her hair? | Last night me, my girlfriend and a couple of her friends were going out to have a low-key celebration for her birthday. However as we were getting ready my girlfriend texts me saying how her hair looks horrible and she doesn't want to leave the house, she showed me her hair and I said it looked good (and I honestly thought it did) however she didn't believe me and thought I was just being nice.
So this is where I may be the asshole, I texted one of her close friends and said "hey, can't you compliment (GF) hair she thinks she is having a bad hair day and a compliment from you would really help"
Fast forward to this morning, and my girlfriend texts me asking if I had asked this friend to do this, (she found out when she borrowed this friends phone to call a taxi because hers was flat). Obviously I admitted to doing it, and she wasn't very happy with me at all about it.
However I know this friend did actually like her hair as she told me that aswell and it did really cheer my girlfriend up and made her have a nicer night out.
So Reddit AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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QJ24iI5jTYenpy4l2PQkLuiVCwtPkWBp | aqigwd | {
"description": "being upset that my girlfriend made plans with another guy on Valentine's weekend",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being upset that my girlfriend made plans with another guy on Valentine’s weekend? | My girlfriend and I are long distance so we can’t be together on Valentine’s Day, but we usually do something like FaceTime. However, Valentine’s Day is on a weekday and we both work in different time zones so we won’t get that much time together this year.
Anyways, I spent about $150 on things including flowers to be mailed to her, and I was hoping that we’d get some time to FaceTime on the weekend instead, which is when the flowers are being delivered anyways (at her request).
After putting in all the orders for everything she tells me she’s having her girl friend come into town on Saturday and I expressed a bit of frustration that we wouldn’t get to celebrate Valentine’s Day but it’s whatever because we still have Friday. Then, she told me last night that she made plans to get drinks with a guy she used to have intimate relations with (7 years ago) on Friday. Normally I’m fine with them being friends but it’s upsetting me this time because I feel like I spent a lot to make her happy this year and the least she could do is prioritize some time with me over a guy she used to see.
I don’t know if I have a right to be upset or if it’s just me being jealous. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 38,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 44,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
8tDebaLQYqQzzW2yredQvCwhlFtr2m8b | azd4x6 | {
"description": "cutting this friend out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for cutting this friend out of my life? | **Background**: Let's call her Susie. At the time, Susie \[F17\] and I \[F17\] met through mutual friends and she made it a point to become my friend. (Her words later, not mine). She constantly texted me after the time we met, telling me about how we should hang out. Cool enough. We become friends this way, hanging out and going shopping, sleeping over, etc.
**Issue**: Susie, outside of us physically hanging out, only texted me to talk about herself, ask for advice, talk about boys she liked, and rant about her shitty friends. Half the time, I wasn't even sure I agreed with her assessment of the actions of her "friends," but I did my best to play mediator and console her when necessary. At this time, I had been applying for colleges and had my own busy schedule, so I told her several times that I really was busy and wasn't going to be very responsive. She said it was fine, but gradually started getting on my case about when we were going to Facetime. (This sequence of events repeats itself in various ways throughout the school year. Note: I rejected Facetiming with her often because it would take several hours since she would then share consecutive stories/rants/etc. instead of just a few). Eventually Susie sends me a long text message about how I'm not a good friend since I'm not there for her, and that she's always the one starting conversations, stuff like this.
**The part where I'm thinking I was an asshole**: I didn't honestly express that I felt the friendship was one sided at any point throughout this. At times, I did try to shift the conversation and update her on how I was doing, but it always seemed like it would pale in comparison to whatever issue she was facing at the time, plus she tended to go back to talking about herself. But that's the closest I got to openly communicating issues with her.
After she sent me this long text message, I was frustrated, and quite honestly a little relieved because it looked like she was giving me a way out, and I took it. I said that I disagreed that I was being a bad friend, but understood that I'm not responsive, and that in that case, we shouldn't be friends anymore. She said "lol ok" and a few months later texted me telling me she missed me, but I didn't respond, also working a summer job at that point. Looking back I realize me cutting her off seemed warranted and not out of the blue to my stressed teenage self, but I do see now where she would think I was being harsh and abrupt. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
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pYKhkhddSeRwSuOXEXVLFFF43gPxmhy8 | aon6yg | {
"description": "demanding the rest of my money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for demanding the rest of my money? | A family friend of about four years asked me to be a live in nanny for a week for her two kids aged 8 & 10 whilst she went on a business trip out of state; and although in order to do this for her I had to request time off from my job, I agreed. The gig was from Sunday to Friday and she agreed to pay me $1,000.
I’m sorry this is a pretty long story but, my car had to be fixed so I was driving a rental for a few days. the Friday their mother was set to return, I picked the kids up from school, took them out to dinner, and went back to their house. As soon as we got in, i received a call saying my car was ready to be picked up so we got back out to return the rental car & pick my car up. When we got back to their house with my car, I realized I had left my backpack which contained my MacBook in the rental car.
I told the kids we had to get back out and they both started groaning, which was understandable bc the boy was on his ps4 and the girl was on YouTube. I said more firmly “okay let’s go” because the place closed soon. The girl said she didn’t want to go. We went back and forth with me asking them to get in the car and them saying no. Finally the boy said we can just stay here. To which I replied “are you sure?” They both said yes. I said “you won’t be scared?” They both said no. Before I decided to leave them I looked how far away the place was from their house. I had intentionally chosen somewhere near them so I looked on google maps and it said the place was 2.5 miles from their house (about 7 minutes away). I told them where I was going & about how long I’d be gone. I checked to make sure the boy had his cellphone. I asked him if he had my mobile number, he said yes that his mom had emailed it to him before she left. They had another cellphone and I gave it to the girl & told her my number is programmed in if needed. Then I asked them a final time to get in the car, the boy said “no, we’re fine”.
I was gone 10 minutes. The one road from their house to the rental center has a single light which gets pretty heavy traffic & it was green and then coming back it was a right turn so I had no waiting at that particular light. I get back & ask them how they were while I was gone. The girl says fine. Mom comes back around 5:30pm. She pays me $500 cash then writes me a $500 check.
The next morning she sends me several texts that read “kids told me you left them alone yesterday is this true? You can never them alone. You should always take them with you. It’s against the law you can’t leave kids under 12 alone. Ever.”
I promptly sent a text saying yes I did leave them & I apologized twice. I sent her the address of the place, told her I asked them several times to get in the car and they refused.
She then started saying I would end up in jail bc it’s neglect, etc. etc. She also claims that I never interacted with her kids & i didn’t comb her daughters hair. These claims are just blatantly false. I didn’t reply to her future texts bc I felt they were disrespectful and there was nothing I could do but offer my apologies which I had already done. She ended up cancelling the check, causing the particular account I had deposited it into to go into the negative & I was charged a $12 return check fee from my bank. I sent a very blunt text telling her that ultimately my services were rendered & I expect my money by the end of the week or I will file a small claims lawsuit.
I might feel differently if her kids hadn’t been the most difficult children I had ever worked with. Every night the 8yo girl would scream and holler like someone was physically harming her when I told her it was time to get in the bed. Bedtime being 8:30pm. She would stop crying immediately when she would get out of bed to play with the dog. I would tell her to get in bed and screaming would resume. It was so bad the first night that at midnight I called the mom & asked her how to get the girl to stop screaming. She said “she does this to me every night. I was hoping she wouldn’t do this to you” then told me to give her Benadryl tablet. I was not warned she would do this AT ALL. this went on every night I was there.
The kids and the mom all sleep in the same bed in the moms room, even though the kids each have their own room & beds. So the 10yo old boy would become so angry with the girl for crying while he was trying to sleep, he would hit her and call her fat and stupid and other names. When I suggested the boy go to his room he called me stupid. The boy finally went to his room, the girl still screaming I decided to again call the mom. She told me an adult woman to go sleep in the same bed as her minor child. This felt like an inappropriate request to me. I just stayed on the floor then returned downstairs to the couch when she finally went to bed.
The girl locked me out of the house one morning, so that when I finished dropping them off at school I couldn’t get back inside (mom did not leave me a set of keys) for almost 6 hours in freezing weather waiting on a locksmith. I mean I went to a coffee shop nearby to wait after an hour, but still.
To clarify, we live in Texas, there’s no law against leaving kids of any age alone. I have 10+ years of experience babysitting children from different families & have never had a single complaint & I have also been asked continually to keep kids even though it’s not my profession. I also have experience with special needs kids.
In a cardi b way, I have demanded the rest of my money. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
LvpbKzOf3lti5ycHGLuaJpt0tADTBP3Y | b4q9od | {
"description": "ratting out a classmate for cheating on nearly every test",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA if I ratted out a classmate for cheating on nearly every test? | So, there’s this classmate I’ll call X, so X is getting average grades from his classes, and I find that a bit unfair. I’ll state a few reasons why.
1. There are classmates here that get bad grades but I know they try, someone I’ll call Z is a good example. Z is not that good at really any classes other than PE. But he tries his best and is really humble about it.
2. X likes to rub it in peoples faces and generally has a holier than thou type persona. For example, you prove him wrong and he makes some bs reason for something that has nothing to do with what just happened.
3. He’s already been caught before. On a history test he cheated and the teacher caught him and said “A copied 100 is worse than an honorable 70.” And he got off scot free by having the principle make him write 340 words on the topic of honesty.
These reasons combined just make me really wanna rat him out because I feel like he doesn’t actually put in the effort others do.
Would I be the asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
3jno0E9ATKy0uuGkti6Batt9kSBhl6N4 | aatfl4 | {
"description": "ghosting my husband",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA for ghosting my husband? | Long story short, I asked for a divorce. He cheated numerous times and I tried to make it work but I finally had enough. He's verbally abusive and I think he may be sociopathic.
He wants to wait until spring to actually separate so we can sell the house and move when the weather is better but within hours of our discussion, he was behaving as if nothing happened and there was no emotion.
In the time since our discussion, he has basically just been the same as always and has mentioned things for the future like we never even had a discussion. He's super manipulative and I'm concerned he is doing just that.
I can't afford the mortgage alone and I don't think I can wait the fourish months until the weather is better to move.
If I move now, it means probably foreclosure and/or filing bankruptcy - for both of us. But I worry that he might gaslight me more and keep manipulating me to stay, which would not be the first time it's happened.
So, if I just packed my stuff and left regardless of the financial issues that would affect us both, would that make me an asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
uTNnHyNOsjBXlosNp0PHhCUxodN3TAiD | b33f81 | {
"description": "cutting her off",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting her off? | I had this friend, let’s call her Katie. We met through my husband (they went to hs together) and had become close over the last two or so years. Katie has a daughter who is almost two and I recently found out she planned the pregnancy with her bf of only two months at the time. For almost two years, it’s been her complaining about her boyfriend all day everyday. Some examples: he doesn’t want to help with the child, wants to spend money on himself instead of their family or their child, he leaves the house for days at a time when they argue, chooses his family over her, I could go on and on. There were also many instances she told me about that it was clear that he was verbally abusive to her. They were fighting literally everyday. I encouraged her to talk to him about it, she did and nothing changed. I asked if she wanted to go to counseling, she did but he refused. I finally just told her “I don’t understand why you would want to be with someone who isn’t interested in his own child and doesn’t put any effort into fixing your relationship.” She LOST IT on me saying I don’t understand because I don’t have kids, etc. Here’s the kicker: whenever I would complain about something in passing (for instance, several things going wrong at once in relation to school, the house, my family), she would simply say “you’ll get over it” or “why is that such a big deal?”. I finally just lost it on her and told her I was done being friends with someone always complained about her life, but never did anything to change things and blow up on me. She ended our conversation with “I can’t wait until you have kids and I hope it screws up your relationship like you want it to screw up mine”. AITA for cutting her off
And blocking her on social media? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
e5KGmBQkh8YZrT8U0RGX4tXmRED9WomR | b603v6 | null | AITA - two parties same theme? Or do I need to change my theme? | I'm trying to be as neutral as I can. Dates are real and current.
December 15: announce party (via Facebook) with a surprise theme to be announced later. Housewarming party- boyfriend and I moved into a house together! Party will be May 18 (yes long lead time). Boyfriend and I have already decided on a theme and done some planning.
January/February: speculation about our party theme runs rife through various friend groups.
March 24th, AM: learn that a friend named Linda (and her girlfriend Danielle) are sending a doodle poll later this day to ask people about availability in June/July for a party. Their party has the same theme as ours. (Only myself and my boyfriend know they share a theme at this point)
March 24 PM: before Linda sends her doodle poll, I send a text to both Linda and Danielle. Letting them in on our secret theme, but also saying having 2 of the same-themed parties is AOK! Linda says lol. And, Linda was planning on proposing to Danielle at her June/July party.(important!)
March 26 (today): Linda asks me to change the theme for my party. I say we've already been planning ours so no. Linda explodes.
So, am I obligated to change our party theme? Do I still have to change the theme because Linda's is a (surprise) engagement so her party "trumps" my boyfriend and mine?
There is about 25% overlap of people who would attend both parties. And based on conversations, the parties will not be the exact same - think like a Greek party vs a Roman party.
Please ask for more details if you need more for your judgment. (there's a lot of drama I'm leaving out, OMG). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WTCydwtBQO9sIlDRxlXdJqfFgJzA1rKe | b08i22 | {
"description": "at times being two face towards a classmate",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for at times being two face towards a Classmate? | ​
A little background info: My classmate who we will call Daniel is to put it lightly, not liked by most pupils and teachers alike. To present a palatable example: At the end of an assembly the head of year asked whether there where any further questions Daniel raised his had and before even announcing his question 250 pairs of eyeballs could be heard grinding inside their sockets as the entire auditorium rolled their eyes, (FYI the assembly was about oceanic pollution caused by plastic and what the school would be doing to reduce its impact on the environment) Daniel asked whether the change in environmental policy would affect the schools ability to serve lasagna on Thursdays (He was not joking).
​
Students like to joke that he has some form of autism, OCD or ADHD. Whilst I have yet to complete (or start) my major in Clinical Psychology (so please take this psychic assessment with a grain of salt). I believe that if anything Daniel has ADHD. It should be noted that Daniel receives learning support. And that I share two classes with him, Economics and Drama to be exact.
​
I sympathize with Daniel since I myself have gone through phases at different schools where I had no friends to turn to.
Whenever I see him I make sure to slip in a little small talk e.g ask how he's been holding up (knowing from experience that this can do a lot to help lift a person who might be having a bad day or week). It is just that sometimes in my lessons with him he can say or do the most outrageous things. For example just today in drama at the start of the lesson he pinned his legs under his arms whilst loudly exclaiming (and I quote) "Fist Me! , Fist Me!" (no teacher was present) Only to thereafter ask my classmate whether she had a "Penis". It is at this point that I always just shrug and tell myself that all drama classes no matter the school will have that one kid. But it has come to points in time where I completely lose it with Daniel since at the end of the day I attend my classes to learn something and not to be pulled aside by Daniel to be asked what my thoughts are on this 'Funny' dank meme compilation.
​
However, it is the little things that get to me the most, such as him seeing me spinning my pen in my hand only for him to attempt the same trick for half an hour. Only for him to fail miserably and on every 5th try the pen clatters onto the floor. Only to then have him push the chair away from his desk whilst it painfully scrapes across the floor, so that he may revive his pen.
​
(sorry for the long text but I just wanted to quickly clarify that I try to distance myself from his antics unless they directly involve me)
​
Now, this is the point where I ask you fellow redditors, AMITA e.g Having a normal convo with him in the morning but in a sense ghosting him entirely by the afternoon because he did something that made me boil over internally. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
yBaQYdZK1Xt3R753xLoyQMDz2MbGcXQB | aus20d | {
"description": "feeling as if I ruined the relationship of my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA- I feel as if I ruined the relationship of my best friend. | My friend was in a 3 year relationship with her BF. Things where going smoothly, until the boyfriend moved in with me and my friend. (We where roommates.)
So he moved in, and he was doing quite well. Paying bills, grocery shopping, doing chores, and all that. Then, he gradually stopped paying bills. Giving less and less to the money that me and my friend scraped together.
After a while, he straight up stopped paying. Giving really stupid excuses like, “oh I got payed less than I used to” or, “sorry I spent it on groceries.” (I had already bought groceries so this was a really dumb excuse.)
After about 3 months or so of this, I got mad. I called him a lazy slob, that spent all his money on his Xbox. He got deeply offended, and talked to my friend about it. I didn’t hear any of it, until about 2 months later when I brought it up again. I asked where the money was, and after he started his excuse, I snapped. I screamed at him and told him that he was under our roof, getting our food, while he did nothing. I called him countless names, and he ran to his room.
The next day, I didn’t see him. I asked my roommate, and she said she broke up with him.
I feel really really bad about ruining a good relationship because he wouldn’t do something.
Short version: AITA for making my roommate break up with her BF because he wouldn’t pay bills? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
6e18T1nzBQWW34XFIbbO6bRnIncurqrm | b8nvuu | {
"description": "not really trying very hard",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not really trying very hard? | I've been working for the same company for 7 years now. In that time, I have held many different titles but really had 3 primary changes in what type of work I'm doing.
I would say that my over all effort is somewhere around 30%, with 100% being as hard as I could possibly work. As an aside, I think that 100% effort burns people out in about 6 months, and i think the ideal balance is around 80-90% - I think that's where a good manager tries to get their employees. So I'm not aiming for 100%, but I fully recognize that 30% is pretty bullshit effort.
The thing is... promotions, raises, positive feed back from peers, superiors, people who work at a lower level than me in the organization. By all external measures I'm doing great. This has been true in each of the three major departments I've worked in. I've nearly doubled my salary over 7 years.
But I know I'm bullshit. I could be trying so much harder, and doing more for the company. I dont think it would translate into better results for me personally, which is the main reason I talk myself into thinking my efforts is ok.
Am I an asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
WAxZaHyle2CkbHMzaBxXhdrLyoLqYGM5 | b2o6d0 | {
"description": "asking my GF not to share sexual details of her exes",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my GF not to share sexual details of her exes | I'm copying messages text of me asking below, but I'm wondering if I'm being ridiculous asking my girlfriend to NOT share details of her sex with previous partners (examples include their dick size, how they initiate sex, when they wanted to do butt stuff, how much she enjoyed or didn't enjoy the sex and what she liked about their bodies).
(Me)
About earlier -- for me, when you brought up your ex BF XXX and how he was and what he liked with his sexual partners (which includes you) you're basically telling me about your sex life with other dudes.
Frankly, especially with how difficult and inactive our sex life is lately, I just don't want to hear about your sex life with other guys. I don't want to hear details especially after some of the other shit you've told me that makes me uncomfortable and with where our sex life is now.
I'd really appreciate it if you could not talk about your sex life with other guys. It's not something I really want to know about.
(Her response)
Sorry for mentioning a person that I dated. I'll try not to bring up anyone that I had any kind of relationship whatsoever ever with ever again.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PRDQEJY5BrbnpVsOOWUOypoeFAxxW1wT | abjrf4 | {
"description": "not telling my friend that her fiancé made a pass at his ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my friend that her fiancé made a pass at his ex? | This happened several years ago, but I recall being very conflicted at the time and am curious to know what neutral strangers think. Two of my high school friends, Karen and Tyler, dated while we were all in college. When Karen and Tyler broke up, Tyler started dating Tiffany, who none of us knew beforehand.
 
Tyler and Tiffany got engaged and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. While on Christmas break in our hometown, Karen told me that she was talking with Tyler and trying to smooth things over, since their breakup had been particularly rocky and mutual friends were trying to work around their issues and avoidance of each other. Karen then said that while she was in Tyler's truck, he made a pass at her and started kissing/pulling at her until she told him to stop, and he drove her back to her house. This was about a month before Tyler and Tiffany's wedding.
 
When I talked to my parents about the Karen/Tyler incident, they told me not to say anything to Tiffany. I decided not to because Karen loves drama (we have since stopped being friends because of that trait) and I wasn't sure if she exaggerated things, or tried to seduce Tyler herself, and I wasn't there when this happened (if it happened at all). But I'm open to the possibility that IATA. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QnqxZGX2VdUwfaWSM1yfzjLzvwuj5Vmm | aovcyy | {
"description": "telling my ex-girlfriend's sister that she would never see my kids because she is pornstar",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for telling my ex-girlfriend’s sister that she would never see my kids because she is pornstar | ​
Me \[22\] and my ex-girlfriend \[23\] had been ‘together’ for 11 years \[together is in quotation marks because we were young, so I don’t know if you would count it has dating\]. She lives with her older sister \[25\] and her mum and we all got on very well. Her mum and her sister both loved me and I them as well.
The whole argument started, when 2 months ago, her sister decide to join ‘only fans’ \[basically people subscribe to see you naked\], her mum didn’t approve of it and didn’t talk to her, her sister didn’t care, I was disappointed. To patch things with her mother and her, I tried to talk to her and, things got heated and I said she is bad role model because she is porn star and she said something back to me and the rest of the family joined in the argument. In the moment I called her whore \[she is basically selling nudes\] and if me and my girlfriend ever have kids, she won’t be allowed to get close to them because she is a bad role model.
She got offended by it and basically started grassing on things me and her sister done which her mum didn’t know. Basically, when we kids, I would sneak into her house \[13 and 14\], had sex before the age of consent \[16 in the uk\], and how me and my girlfriend have done variety of drugs together. That basically destroyed my relationship with her mum. Her mum got angry with my girlfriend and basically the whole family is fucked up. And we broke up because the damage was done.
I know everyone here is a bit of asshole and I wondering if you could rank the assholes. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
anepRAoLpGtnkvYTcrLEhfV2pC3AUMhd | ax6dwy | {
"description": "muting my grieving hs teacher on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for muting my grieving hs teacher on Facebook?? | My high school history teacher, who has always been very sweet to me, recently lost her sibling to breast cancer and I feel terrible about it. However, she is also very public about her grief and whenever I get on Facebook, all I see are posts about HT and her brother’s death and it makes me very sad. AITA if I mute her from appearing on my feed for the rest of the semester? I feel bad because I would love to support her and will miss seeing pics of her daughters and other life updates. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TG9Lk3NkHU15umWD0ADwXgLlJcHGt3aA | auesga | {
"description": "wanting to hide and get rid of my daughter's scruff a luv",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA if I want to hide and get rid of my daughter's scruff a luv? | My daughter got a scruff a luv toy for Christmas from her grandparents, after begging for one. For those who don't know, it's a stuffed toy that you give a bath and clean up, for 30 dollars. Overpriced junk and she has a zoo full of stuffed toys already. Anyway, she bathed it and got the ugliest cat I have ever seen. The fur covers its eyes and nose and it just looks scary. I want to take it and throw it in the trash when she isn't looking, but she sleeps with it and takes it to school. She is attached to this thing. I can never pry her from that damn toy. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
Z2jwm6PKw3XuaFQ4sI7onl1LKemUnJNy | axcvab | {
"description": "taking an all expence paid business trip",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA if I take an all expence paid business trip? | My current employer is having a huge ”owners” meeting in an area I have never been to before. The owner of my franchise location invited me and is paying for EVERYTHING! This includes the flight, airfare(never flown before), food, and transportation. I am really looking forward to this trip, however, I'm also considering putting in my resignation a couple of days after I get back. I wouldn't say this to them but business isn't doing great and I just got a pretty great offer to move into a whole new career. So WIBTA if I take this trip and then resign? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
1fSgvGCKlKa7Epc6Cpg9xNuLbQbHe2c7 | azbyon | {
"description": "letting my roommates eat peanut butter from the same jar I let my dog lick out of",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for letting my roommates eat peanut butter from the same jar I let my dog lick out of? | I’ll keep it short and sweet. My roommates suck for a variety of reasons but one that sticks out is them eating my food without asking. I have a jar of peanut butter in my section of the pantry that I use exclusively for my dog. Sometimes I let her lick some directly out of the jar. I’ve noticed knives with pb on them in the sink multiple times. They don’t have any pb in the pantry and I only have the jar for my dog. Am I the asshole for letting them eat pb mixed with dog saliva? Just to clarify I’ve caught them eating my food before and have told them it’s not okay. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 13
} | RIGHT |
vo4kdJyGLS6G1TjNagdYiqia8pvMfWm3 | an7gsd | {
"description": "moving a person's belongings without permission",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for moving a person's belongings without permission? |
This happened in my second semester in university, Majoring in chemical engineering. I had a chemistry lecture with assigned seats (this will be important later).
Me being the lazy dipshit I am I overslept and running late to my lecture, managed to get in there only 5 minutes late and luckily my seat is right next to the door so I didn't have to disrupt the class in a middle of a lecture. I see three of my classmates sitting in their assigned seat and greet me quietly as usual. I say hello back, and as I go to my seat I notice someone else's bag and laptop on my seat. I know this is one of the assistant teacher's belongings as I asked her questions sometimes mid-lecture.
I did not want to touch her stuff at first, I waited patiently until she can come back and pick up her stuff so I can sit down in my assigned seat. I was standing in a passageway where the assistant teachers can go and help the students in the rows further back. I was being a nuisance and one of the assistant teachers sitting at a desk in front of me noticed. She calls me over to tell me to sit in my assigned seat, I explained the situation and she told me to move the stuff to her then. I was hesitant and told her I don't want to touch other people's stuff as it could be rude. She tells me she's a friend so she wouldn't mind if I have her permission.
So I go back to my seat pick up the stuff carefully and place it in the desk in front of me where the other assistant teacher was seated. Went back to my seat and continued jotting down notes and asking questions per usual. Only 3 minutes go by and the owner of the bags and laptop sits directly behind me (That seat was is also taken, the student was probably at a restroom break or something or else I would've just sat there). And she leans over uncomfortably close to my ear and says along the lines of "Don't you dare touch my fucking shit again without my permission"
I went full PANIC MODE, I was stuttering my apology and tried to explain the situation as fast as possible before she freaking yells at me or something. I almost shat my pants at that point, I'm not a really confrontational guy also really shy. This puts me in a really bad spot. She walks off still visibly pissed, and my classmates were shocked too saying she was overreacting.
I wanted to give her a proper apology later on, but I couldn't. Whenever I try to go up to her and apologize for what happened that day I again go full panic mode and just quickly walk off before she sees me.
Am I the asshole though? Should I have waited? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
OYglHmT69m38hfC569bzSY6QMJVFBv1z | ao8cj2 | {
"description": "swearing at a girl which has been swearing at me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for swearing at a girl which has been swearing at me | First of all, first post and english isnt my home language and its my first post here so sorry if written badly. short story
So im in this group in WhatsApp of all of the almost all the kids in the grade im currently in.
We have been chatting about a new movie that came out and this girl (that i actually didnt really know) comes and says that we type too much and that we need to stop (we actually only sent 19 messages in 6 mins). we (a friend and i) told her that the group told her that this groups are for talking and not just for decoration so she can just silence the group on her phone or quit the group and she said that we should quit and she started swearing.
i still didnt swear cuz im still trying to be polite but break afterwords when she just kept swearing, i swear back at the bitch and all her friends come at me and some of the kids which im ok with say that im an asshole for doing something bad to a girl even tho she started just swearing at everyone and not only me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
k5hSjdCxp0wat6DjKW9N2EyEBG72UA1v | a5f5qa | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend to not meet and pressing my point when she said she really wanted to",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend to not meet and pressing my point when she said she really wanted to? | We both have a super important exam coming up. We used to meet almost everyday until last Sunday when I told her that we would no longer meet because we were spending almost 3 hours walking/chatting/making out everyday, and a super important test is only a couple weeks away.
She was upset, but understood. Today, she learned that I was passing by close to where she stays, so she asked me to come hang out with her for a while. I refused. Firmly. She was upset, and promised that she'd not stay for longer than 10 minutes. I refused again, and told her that it is super important for me to respect resolutions.
She then gave me some bullshit about how one should bend rules for someone they love, and I got a little pissed. This is how the text conversation went, I am copy-pasting so this is an exact:
HER:
What makes us special is when we take out time to do something we know we shouldn't.
ME:
That sounds like something a 16 year old who spends too much time on Instagram would say. When I say something I mean it, and so should you. This is important for my career, and yours too.
HER:
Life isn't just career. You'll lose everything and be left with nothing but a career.
ME: *laugh emoji*
HER:
Keep laughing. Laugh as much as you want. You're too good at that.
Go study. That's all you should be doing.
Don't waste your time texting me either.
ME:
Please try to understand my POV instead of getting annoyed at an emoji.
HER:
Don't want to drag this any further. I have no time to make you understand anything. It wastes my time too.
ME:
You're like a child.
You get angry when you're told to study for an upcoming exam.
*laugh emoji*
HER:
No, you're just too old. Too old to be in a relationship. Too old to break rules. Too old to understand that life can't be measured. I'm deleting [the messenger app], don't waste your time anymore.
ME:
Now you're doing something totally unnecessary.
------------------------
That was it. No response. We spoke later in the evening, and she told me that she is upset at the 16 year Instagram comment, and the laugh emojis. She took it further, saying that she isn't happy in the relationship, and needs to re-consider it. This is an overreaction IMO. I just want the best for the both of us. Why won't she understand? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
auBYQVxcIZRjKfOWE5qjwR3tvR6VgDzQ | a42xpp | {
"description": "not helping my \"friend\"/\"friends\" with their work even though one of them is 0.50% off of an f in the class",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my “friend”/“friends” with their work even though one of them is 0.50% off of an F in the class | Sorry for formatting I’m on mobile
So I want to preface this by saying we’re in high school in our sophomore year. The group I hang out with aren’t necessarily my friends except for 3 of them (10 in the group). They actually have a whole separate group chat without me but my 3 friends still dm me and a group chat were in instead. The guys are very big dicks to everyone and I don’t associate with them at all. But in the past they weren’t dicks and we were my actual friends. I’ll refer to my friends as friends but will refer to the others as “friends”
So they’re all below average when it comes to grades (D’s and C’s) whereas I’m a B’s and low A type of student. One of the “friends” is around 0.50% off from failing an English class which I also have (the rest have another teacher). I used to help most of them out when we were actually friends but now I don’t considering how stuff they do to me and other people. (All verbal rarely physical) I never say “no I won’t help you”
Or anything like that instead I’ll usually say something like “no I don’t know how to do that”
So reddit am I the asshole for not helping him/them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LXtK6uKbnX3tWxeHc6eHfN5oc5WJXBIc | b47gnf | {
"description": "not wanting to move my car when I had mono",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting to move my car when I had mono? | I live in a house with a couple of other people that have cars. People’s cars get “blocked in” when we park because there are multiple cars and we have small driveway. The general consensus is that housemates will help move their own cars if they’re in the house, but if not, you’re allowed to take the keys to the other cars and move the cars yourself.
Well one time, I had mono and was sleeping in. My housemate came upstairs, banged on my door, and asked me to move my car since she was about to leave. I asked her if she could do it herself since I didn’t feel well. She yelled at me that I better come down and move the car, since it’s my responsibility, and to stop using my mono as an excuse to be lazy. I reluctantly got up and moved it for her.
I know mono isn’t life-threatening but I felt pretty shitty that day and I feel like my housemate was being a bit aggressive.
So, AITA for not wanting to move my car while I had mono?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
3bvhHZSYLWeMcXPMzUrrprVdhocxpUMw | b2i67u | {
"description": "wanting my Mums partner to hurry up and die of cancer",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for wanting my Mums partner to hurry up and die of cancer? | (Throwaway even though none of my family are on reddit).
My (37m) parents separated about 10 years ago and my Mum has been seeing a new guy, call him Jack, since a couple of years after that. They don’t live together but nearby. They go on holidays in the caravan and hang out a bit I guess when they’re at home.
Jack is an arsehole, he is incredibly rude, talks down to everyone and completely ungrateful for anything. He is constantly in a bad mood, he’ll arrive at Mums in a mood then sulk around like a child until he cracks it and goes home. He throws tantrums if he doesn’t get his way, and blows up, a lot of the time very publicly, over the pettiest of things. He has a habit of just ruining the day. He was always a wanker but has grown to become quite abusive (verbally) and controlling and someone I despise. He also has terminal cancer.
My Mum admits he’s far from perfect, my siblings cant stand him, my uncle has said he’s not welcome back in their house, he has no friends or family who he’s still in contact with, he’s from overseas originally, he walked out on his wife and kids only trying to connect with them 20-30 years later (it went pear shaped of course).
They headed off yesterday morning in the caravan, only after he berated my Mum to tears for not having her phone synced to the car.
I only want what’s best for my Mum, I get that she doesn’t want to be alone but I think this guy is so unhealthy for her and a drag for everyone else. But my Mum is such a beautiful and caring person that I don’t think she would leave him, especially now he’s sick.
His health recently went downhill and we thought he was close to the end but he has since bounced back.
Am I the arsehole for wanting this guy to fall off the perch?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
6R5kXyMAS8MQA0BhfABufhKpGffleqI6 | b5r6sc | {
"description": "quitting this job on the spot",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for quitting this job on the spot? | I want to know what the internet thinks about this. I (21) was working your typical fast food grind, they had just fired a manager and shift supervisor Casey (22) was picking up the slack. I never had a problem with Casey, she was good at her job and until this whole thing went down I thought we were cool.
So one night I’m working the late shift and Casey (who's off) comes in drunk. She immediately starts laying into this new dude, at first just clowning on him but even after he asked her nicely to stop she doubled down and got more insulting. New guy gets pissed and tells her to stop more forcefully. She freaks out. She’s playing the supervisor card, he can’t talk to her that way and she’s gonna either fire him or make his shifts with her hell. I felt really bad for new guy and no one was sticking up for him so I said, “Hey, you’re both pretty fucked up (new guy had smoked a blunt before shift) don’t you think it’s better to have this conversation when you’re in your right minds?” Then Casey immediately turns on me and starts screaming. Telling me I’m “fucking replaceable. You’re nothing. You don’t get to tell me shit about how I can act.” I was getting pissed but I kept my cool and stepped back. Eventually after she ranted for a while she went home. So the shift supervisor on duty told us not to feel bad and that she’s just like that. Then she says that new guy can probably expect an apology but there’s no way she’ll apologize to me because she has this thing with other women. Then the shift supervisor said that Casey’s probably gonna make our shifts together hell because I’ve crossed her.
So knowing that I was like yeah, no. I texted the general manager detailing what had gone down and at first just asked if I could get taken off Casey’s shifts. Then I realized how unreasonable this was. Casey was working something like 50 hours a week, only shifts without her wasn’t possible. But I knew for a fact she was gonna do everything she can to make me miserable now and I wasn’t about to deal with that. I told GM that I was sorry, but I was gonna have to quit. He assumes I’m putting in my two weeks. I say I’m not comfortable working shifts with Casey and if I have to work with her in the two weeks then I’m quitting on the spot. He says that’s unfortunate because personally he thinks we can work it out. I reiterate no, I’m not comfortable. And that was it, I didn’t show up after that. It was clear GM wasn’t gonna have my back and I was expected to suck it up and deal with her like everybody else. It pissed me off at the time because this was a pattern of behavior that always got overlooked because she’s a hard worker. Until this happened I always disliked people who quit without putting notice, but I didn’t see any other way out. Wanted to know if anyone thought I could have handled it better. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FbjdSMrnVaQ66BBRFBKGU1dx94VDlVRf | ajw15z | null | AITA GOT ENGAGED LAST WEEK AND BROTHER PROPOSES TO GF 7 DAYS LATER | Posting from my Fiancé’s account.
I might be the asshole but am opening it up for your judgment. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 10+ years on Friday while hiking in Joshua Tree. We are over the moon happy! Just 7 days later my brother texted me during business hours (I work a demanding 9-5++) and let’s me know he’s getting engaged. Inside I thought you’ve got to be kidding me, this kid has copied me my entire life and can’t handle not being the center of attention for one second. He’s been with his girlfriend for maybe 18 months, and while I am happy he’s found someone he wants to spend his life with, I feel very disrespected that he couldn’t give us a whole week to bask in our engagement bliss.
So, I responded to his text with “seriously.” He said “yes” and I said, “could you wait a month ?”
I know I should have said “please.”
I just got engaged and would like to just enjoy this time with my fiancé and our families before my brother becomes the center of attention again. Also, if my fiancé’s sister, who has been dating her partner for 15 years, got engaged tomorrow I would be delighted and wouldn’t feel this way at all. I feel this way because my brother is constantly disrespectful of what’s important to others, lies, talks over everyone, has no emotional intelligence, and no self awareness.
Am I the asshole because I feel like my brother is disrespectful and I asked him to wait a month before proposing? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
6bCp6Gthr0QfcV2EZriPx8DV1xCi61aW | b3le6w | {
"description": "distancing myself from our sqad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I distance myself from our sqad? | This require some backstory so hear me up:
Ever since I (21F) got in the University I made a pretty solid group of friends (3 guys, another girl and I, all about the same age). We were very close and all was rainbows and unicorns and so on.
In the fall of 2017 I went to an international exchange and, while I was there, another dude joined the squad. Nothing big happened, he was in the group chat and talked very little there, bit now I'm back to Uni with them and things have changed.
I have terrible anxiety and mild depression and, even though I am medicated and in therapy, I know my limitations and triggers, I have to be hyper vigilant so I don't fall into a bad, harmful state again. I've been okay for 2 years now, my brain is behaving nicely and all, but this new dude is raising all kinds of red flags.
He is depressed and hasn't yet found the right combination of meds to keep it under control. He talks a lot about negative behaviors and how sad and numb he feels (as jokes, subtext and smug comments), and I totally understand him, being in this place is horrible and maybe he is using this "humorous" tone to cope with it; but this negative talk has been putting me down whenever the squad hangs out.
I love my other friends, but every time we go out and meet somewhere he is there too and it makes me soooo uncomfortable and anxious.
Would I be the asshole if I distance myself from the sqad? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YdQmvfMGjGz9NtBPX01W11kBP3xDAbiz | aveejk | {
"description": "wanting to be recognized in my girlfriend's posts",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to be recognized in my girlfriend's posts? | So my girlfriend and I started dating long-distance about a month and a half after she broke up with her previous boyfriend of 2 years. Since it was pretty soon after that, she understandably wanted to keep things off social media for a few months to give him time. In our initial conversation, we had agreed that things would/could change around January or February. In our most recent conversations however, it seems that she wants to keep our relationship entirely off social media.
She feels that lots of people knew more about her last relationship than she necessarily wanted. She also greatly values her friendships with people (including her ex, though they haven't talked in months now) and doesn't want to jeopardize her relationship with him by hurting him. Thus, she wants to have a relationship where only our close friends really know what's going on. Also, I guess in her last relationship they would each post pictures for different (not necessarily good) reasons.
This bothers me because she will sometimes fly to visit for a wedding and post lots of pictures with people she hasn't seen in weeks. We take pictures together, but I never make any appearances on her social media unless it's as part of a group picture. I feel like she is either 1) embarrassed about being with me or 2) catering to her last boyfriend because she doesn't want him to feel hurt because she has moved on. Either way, it hurts me because I feel entirely left out and she posts regularly. I don't want over the top, mushy social media posting. However, I would at least like to post pictures of us in nice clothes from a wedding, for instance.
AITA for wanting to be more public about our time together? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
082nLFPps3E39SvUJA28g9vS6T7u7cYd | 9znta6 | {
"description": "cutting out a friend I'm interested in \"because I can't wait anymore\"",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for cutting out a friend I'm interested in "because I can't wait anymore"? | I told my friend that I'm interested in her a month after meeting her. I no longer remember how she responded to this. I do remember that after a month of telling her that, I decided to tell her that I want to date her, yet she responded that she doesn't want to date as of the moment. After a week, we were able to meet each other, resulting in a serious talk about how she's not allowed to date without finishing her education, or at the very least, without being halfway through her education.
A few months pass by, and I ask her if she wants to hang out; she accepted, and by chance, it was only the both of us in her place. Nothing notable happens, but when I asked her on the phone how it was, she told me that "It got me excited, because you're a guy after all." This prompted her and I to be more sexual to each other, to the point that we've shared a lot of risque photos to each other over the course of a few months.
During the course of the few months, I asked her to promise to date me in a year, to which she promised, but revoked the week after. Around the same time, I find out that a few other guys have actually been asking her out, and at the same time, rejecting them by telling them that "she can't decide if it's a yes or a no." -- she also rejected me in the same way. One time, while hanging out with her, one of the other guys chatted her and she replied. This made me upset, as one of her reasons for not replying to me at times is "I was hanging out with friends."
A lot of nothing happened for the next few months, and finally, university made her busy enough that she can no longer talk to me as often. I finally can't take it anymore, and tell her I'm done. I checked her profile every now and then, and this is most likely just confirmation bias, but she's been communicating with one of the other guys more often. I couldn't take this anymore, and told her that I can't even stay as friends with her anymore.
Feel free to ask for more details in the comments. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
YeagUHskCVaU7SV9EKidlumaRLEvyOAN | b31jby | {
"description": "reporting my neighbor's new building to the county",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for reporting my neighbor's new building to the county? | Empty lot next to me for literally ever. New guy buys it and starts cutting down trees and pouring concrete pads, etc. IDK if he has permits for anything but it always seems like he and his buddies doing the work, not *real* workers. I want to call the county and give them a heads-up, so they can check if he has permits, then whatever they do if not (fines, tear it out, etc).
I will admit I'm bitter about not having an empty, wooded lot next to me anymore. Also, before he poured a driveway skirt, he was using my driveway without asking as a way to get on to his property. And knocked down my mailbox and didn't fix/replace it. So, yeah, I can see how calling the county would be maybe considered vindictive, but WIBTA?
I realize I have to live next door to this guy for a long time, but the relationship did not start off well and I'm not very good at Bury The Hatchet. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
NgIBrmc24ASB2nnst6MEL2Km9ELNi5RL | aw130c | {
"description": "wanting to go to a party instead of driving up to see my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to go to a party instead of driving up to see my girlfriend? | My girlfriend are long distance(Kind of, ~1hour drive). We basically only see each other on weekends as we have school and work on weekdays. We try to switch houses weekends to keep things fair.
This upcoming weekend is her weekend but a school club I recently joined is having a party on Friday night. I knew this a week ago and I checked in with her to make sure it was okay for us to go and asked her if she would want to take the bus down to my house, go to the party that night, and then take the bus back up to her house for the rest of the weekend. She agreed to travel down on her weekend. Other small notes: We are also going to a friends going away party Saturday night in her hometown and I have also agreed to DJ this party and judge the competition going on that night.
Then on Tuesday, her new job told her if she could work on Friday night and she agreed. Since she now works on Friday night she can't get on any buses to take her down to see me since there are no buses running that route that late at night. We are both trying to save money since we don't have that much so she doesn't want to drive her car down. I did tell her that she shouldn't go back on her word since it's a new job and she should do everything to look good towards her new bosses.
Now she wants me to cancel my DJ gig and my judging that I had already committed to, to come up and spend that night with her. I agreed that I can just come up the next morning after the party but that isn't good enough for her and she wants me to come up as soon as I get out of class on Friday. She says that since it is her weekend and she wants to see me, that she gets priority and that I should cancel going to the party.
I understand we don't get to see each other as much as we want to but I feel like I took every right step towards making sure it was okay to go to this party and it was her mistake to agree to working late that fucked things up. I also understand that it's her weekend but I already made my commitment to my friends to go to the party when she told me it was okay to do so. This club is also a great group of friends that I want to hang out with more. She thinks that since I want to go to the party, this means that I value the new friends more than her. So that's where things are now. Am I the asshole for wanting to go to this party when my girlfriend can't go? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
icZywGFSfPO1FywUCeJJUpYsSLiUu71w | a0zd6t | {
"description": "putting my sister on read cuase I didn't feel it needed a response",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for putting my(13M) sister (22f) on read cuase i didn't feel it needed a response. | My sister texted me in school saying "hey bud I'm going to pick you up from school cuase mom needs you home early so we can decorate your house" (she doesn't live with us she lives with our dad). So i did what any person would do.... Read the text. I didn't respond cuase I felt it didnt need a response. So the day ends i walk out of the middle school walk to where my mom would normally be if she picks me up and there is my sister with the shitist look on her face. I get in the car and as soon as i close the door. She screems her full head off at me going on some rant that i pretended to listen to. I feel she is over reacting but AITA. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
UycTzYlkbTfvQVBuja8aY26YQyhiFLlo | b5cf1w | {
"description": "telling my friend he's being cheated on with his other friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my friend he's being cheated on with his other friend? (drama packed) | WIBTA if I tell my friend that he is being cheated on?
I'll try to keep this story straight with names, it might get a little complicated. There's me, my gf (M), my gf's roommate (A), my roommate (T), and my friend (E).
Backstory: Me, E, and T all good friends two years ago, freshman year of college. We hang out all the time, life's great. A and T meet and start hanging out, one night E asks me if I wanna come to the hookah lounge with him, A and T. I accept, and I meet A for the first time. Immediately she's off-putting. Making weird comments how how muscular I am, in front of two guys that clearly have huge crushes on her, and just overall having no sense of what to say in the room, really killing any vibe, you probably know the type. Anywho, I found out around present day that A told M right before she got with T that she was going to choose E, saying that "he's THE ONE", which is batshit crazy seeing as they have known each other for like two weeks and are 18.
A actually ends up choosing T, and they have a long and horrible relationship filled with miscommunications, fights, drama, etc. M and I are on the sidelines of this because I live with T and she lives with A. At least once a week T goes to break up with her, but for some reason A thinks it has to be agreed on, and they end up fucking and just resuming the cycle. So much drama and it's pathetic because of how idiotic they act. They have no boundaries, A has taken condoms from M and I and denied stealing them, T never does anything for anyone but himself. it makes everyone so tired of them. Anyway, over last summer T finds a girl he actually likes for reasons outside of the bedroom, and breaks it off with A for good. T enjoys his new girl, but one night A comes down to our place BLASTED drunk and hits her head, passed out. Me and a friend take her to the ER because they cant afford an ambulance, and we are good friends, and don't want to see anyone die tonight. This seemed to be a wake up call for A. she goes home and lives with her parents for a bit, eventually comes back and see,s changed.
A ends up getting with E, and they start spending all their time together, despite E seeing how A and T played out. Then, 2 days ago, T and her meet up at 11pm to "delete their messages/pictures together" (wtf). They end up staying the night at her place, and staying together locked in her room for the entire day and the majority of yesterday. We know they had sex, since M's friend saw condoms that aren't the brand A and E use (A tried to give M some back for the ones she stole), and given their history no one is surprised.
T also left a big pile of his disgusting dishes in the sink for a week, and I put them on his bed last night so they would be out of the sink, which he got mad about, so I'm pretty much done since I asked him to clean them up 3 or more times. I would not feel bad about letting my friend E know what's happened this weekend, but WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
onTXektpBxcFZTgUJDsOiwgJa22iwhNC | at4iin | {
"description": "discussing responsible drinking with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I discuss responsible drinking with my boyfriend? | Here's the thing. We're both in our 20s but I'm a few years older and was never into the party/drinking thing to begin with. I don't really get the point of getting blackout drunk. He's not super into it either, but he will on average have a gaming and drinking or bar/club night with friends or roommates maybe once a week (depending, sometimes more sometimes nothing for 2-3 weeks)
My issue is, he will almost always get REALLY drunk. The 'I'm not sure what happened last night, I woke up in my toilet, with puke in the sink , or in my bed covered in puke' level of drunk, at least half the time . This included a 'fun' night where he then later told me he thought he kissed one of his female friends.
He goes out with people who are (some anyway) much heavier drinkers (and he's a skinny guy who sometimes forgets to eat). One of his friends recently had to be picked up by an ambulance after just lying in the street, too drunk to walk home. It's a group of 21-28 year old guys (legal drinking age is 18 btw so he's been legal to drink for years now) and I don't expect him to not drink.. But we don't live near each other (long distance) and I'll get a bunch of 'help me' 'I'm so sick' 'I don't know where I am' texts at 2 or 3am... And, for example today, its now 3:30 pm and still no word from him after texting me that last night...
AITA if I try and talk to him about it or make a big deal out of it? On one hand he's an adult and I'm not his mother... And it's not a 'happens constantly' thing... But I'm tired of worrying whether or not he got home safe during/after he has a night out | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P9HxfZGSYG4Z9UGYdjaTxsCA86Av6O3X | aj3o5p | {
"description": "not wanting to celebrate with friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to celebrate with friend? | My friend got a job that we both applied for. I did not. I congratulated them and am happy for them.
They want to celebrate together, but I am kind of in a shitty mood. As I mentioned before, I am proud of them, but I feel like this will remind me of my shortcomings. I don't want to come off as unsupportive, but it's not the right occasion to celebrate together at this time. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UJJM1vg4k34W9T15iV5QGkNhDwb8Zs6u | ab4gb9 | {
"description": "accidentally roasting the band Smashmouth",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For accidentally roasting the band Smashmouth? | Okay guys I'm pretty new to reddit, so hope this story fits here. This happened about a year and a half ago.
Storytime: setting... Downtown Memphis, Music and Heritage Fest 8:30 pm. I'm at a restaurant that some of my friends newly opened. There's a table of 9 people wearing all black with tight pants looking pretentious as hell. So I'm at the bar having a bottle of sake and a beer about ten feet away from them, when one of the guys begins to complain about his service (very loudly) and being EXTREMELY rude to the bartender, who is also acting as their server.
The rude guy just keeps going on and on about things taking too long, and what terrible service he is receiving. This place has only been open for a week, so they're still figuring things out, and their staff is still getting broken in/they are short-staffed. Also- they are absolutely SLAMMED because this place is located near Beale St. right next to the music festival.
I would like to add that I had just gotten off of a long shift in a restaurant kitchen, and hear stories from server friends of mine who are constantly berated and belittled by these types of people... So I feel no mercy for these kinds of assholes.
After dude gets rude with the server, continuing on about how terrible the food is, how the guy isn't doing his job correctly etc, I make direct eye contact with him and roll my eyes in the most extreme manner possible, while scoughing at him. The bartender goes back behind the bar, looking a little down, but still very busy, and I proceed to tell him (very loudly) to not worry about the rude customer, because he looks like he tried out for Nickelback and got rejected.
I am not sure if the guy heard me or not, but I know for sure the table heard, because they gave me various looks of disgust.
Shortly after that, one of the women from the table came up to the bar next to me to pay for her tab, along with a couple of other people.
Me, trying to make small talk: "So... Where are y'all from?"
Lady: "Oh, all over. Some from New York, some of us from California, etc. Etc."
"We're Smashmouth."
Me: "... Oh..."
The minute that followed seemed like the longest of my life, as I tried to keep from bursting out laughing. There were tears in my eyes and my face was turning red until finally I could not stand it anymore, and, after making eye contact with the bartender and seeing him tying not to laugh as well, I had to run around the bar to the back of the kitchen and burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard that I was honestly crying and could not breathe for a good five minutes after.
So anyways, I eventually come back to my seat at the bar where I now see this asshole standing there basically arguing with the bartender about his bill. By this point I'm just chugging the rest of my beer and trying not to laugh.
I couldn't hear most of their conversation, but at the end of it the douchebag seemed pleased and said something along the lines of "you deserve this" while handing the bartender a crumpled up, faded-looking five dollar bill. By this point I was tipsy and couldn't stop myself from laughing.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
fD8A3Wa64jyaJIYFC5xatakdVzOmkgWo | b1qnhv | {
"description": "accidentally telling my girl churchmate why she's being ghosted/ignored",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for accidentally telling my girl churchmate why she's being ghosted/ignored? | TL;DR: accidentally telling that our wife pastor talked to our pastor assistant being too close to my girl church mate and asking him to maybe stop being too close because he's gonna be a pastor 🤷♀️ (really dont know why she said that)
Im born again christian and have been that way since i was younger, growing up in the church and all those stuff. I did stopped atteding for personal reason and just started being active again so im not close and not as updated to whats happening but i have twin who's a lead singer in church worship ministry and 2 more little sisters who's more active than me.
Anyway yesterday was my/and my twin birthday, we celebrated it thru youth fellowship. When i saw her i gave a tiny comment about how she and our assitant pastor doing in a joking tone. Then she started asking me what i mean and i asked her what she meant lol , then she pulled me in the side and asked me whats happening bc everybody is asking the same question basically everytime we have gathering and in church then i said "you didnt know that our pastor wife asked him(pastor assistant) to stop being too close to you?" And then she started tearing down and pulled me far from the room and went outside.
I was shocked cos i didnt know she would cry! And i dont like seeing people cry! I then apologize and tell her she can have a big bite to my cake later! but she said it wasnt my fault >.<.
She told me how she didnt know about that but shes more hurt that we didnt told her anything (tho in my head i thought she knew!) And she felt like an idiot being made fun whenever people asking her how her and him doing. Like everybody knew about it and its about her but she didnt.
She then told me that shes been crying to God (crying while praying) about this and shes asking God for why he suddenly just plainly ignore her even in church and stopped texting too. I couldnt say anything more bc i literally have no idea what to say and i just knew about it cos my sisters was talking about it. After that she asked to leave her for a moment so i did.
I asked assistant pastor if he was mad at me he said he's scared that maybe she'll stop going to church bc of what happen. But she did mention that she felt like nobody cares about her feeling and nobody come forward to say anything.
I really dont know what to feel. Btw the guy was the one who approach the girl and started everything just bc he knew that the girl had a crush to him so i feel so disappointed how he handle it and ghost her.
Also to add more info, the term i used was wrong when i told her. Bc i said like "our pastor wife ask him to stop talking to her" but it should be like "pastor wife said that he maybe should date someone who have same faith as him"
Honestly.. i dont think im an asshole but tell me what u think?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
J6pCLYGIcNzD8sM6BN3cVUTKOlI65Tra | b7fd5k | {
"description": "refusing to give the seller more money to retrieve my stuff",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to give the seller more money to retrieve my stuff? | A few marginal things. The cards I mentioned is the Match Attax cards. The cards that represent soccer players. I'm a big fan of this thing and I have a huge collection of it.
So I got to know a MA card seller through a facebook group. I asked to buy 20 cards from his collection. He told me they would cost me 50$. I agreed with the deal and he asked me to meet him at a location near his house.
The yesterday evening, I went to the location and met the seller. He gave me the cards and after 3 or 4 times counting. I realised that there were only 19 cards. The seller told me that he would go and get me the last card (with my money) that was missing out and asked me to go to the location again to retrieve the last card later and I agreed.
But shit happened this morning, when he sent me a text massage:
Seller : "Hey man, can you get the card later?"
Me : "Did anything come up?"
Seller : "Yes, I lost my wallet a little while ago"
Me : "Oh, I'm very sorry, so yes lets meet later"
Seller : "Also can you bring 5$ more, cause I need money to get the card, but now I lost all my money"
Me : "No... My man we totally agreed on the 50$ - 20 cards deal, now you didnt give me enough of them, so I will just meet you and get the last card, no additional cash"
Seller : "But I'm currently dont have any money so I cannot get you the card"
Me : "I gave you time to do it, so stop asking for more"
Seller : "alright so you are just a parsimonious asshole hah?"
I did not reply to his massage.
AITA? Also I guess I lost the last card :( | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
X71SxiVFPWGNJMVHOKRIQp2ZLrq9kNd4 | am63a9 | {
"description": "not wanting to babysit a 57 year old gay man",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to babysit a 57 year old gay man? |
So a bit of backstory. I (20M) developed a "friendly" relationship with my gay manager (57M), let's call him GM. We met 2 years ago when I was struggling to find a part-time job during HS. I applied at his store (sportswear retail) and got in. I feel like GM always wanted me either as a love interest or just as a fuck-buddy...
GM's parents died long ago, he only has 1 brother who neglected him up to recently because of his sexuality, never married or had any long-term relationships and is currently fighting a legal battle with his dead father's ex-wife who mind you is just a gold digging whore trying to take away half of his inheritance because she married him. However this this bitch is only 58 and married GM's father when he was 82 pretty much laying on his deathbed.
Anyway, so I know GM has a somewhat tough life. He got into my personal space when his car had broken down and he had nobody willing to drop him off. He lived underway my route home, so I didn't mind dropping him off. I had been dropping him off for about 2 weeks until his mechanical problems got solved. In the meantime GM tried everything to steer conversations to personal things and break down barriers to get me into his personal life. I feel like he got attached to me and now that he knew me a bit more personally and wanted more than me being his acquaintance.
Eventually he was inviting me over for fancy dinners, giving me gifts, offering help to get me a better job (which he did, I got into a bank due to his contacts). I took them but didn't know how to feel, but took them anyway. I never gave it much thought, now I know whatever people do for you they most likely have ulterior motives.
Fast forward to today, I moved away for college and GM got an even better job at the government, this job however is very demanding and stressful. I'm back in town for a few weeks and GM found out so he tried reaching out to me. This time he invited me to dinner at his house and told me how everything was going for him in his life. His brother finally accepted him, however he just took his retirement, sold his house and is moving to Ecuador. 4 of his family members died during the holidays one after the other and he's still disputing the gold digging whore in court to keep his mother's house. I feel bad for GM because he's literally a lonely guy who's got a lot on his plate, but he's an adult, he should figure it out. GM Later mentions that he'd like to go to the beach on Saturday and would like me to accompany him. I'm currently on vacation and have nothing better to do and oblige to being of his company.
Today GM calls and tells me, he's had a very rough week and wants to release himself, whatever that means. GM told me he wanted a man to take care of him and wants to go out for drinks, go to one of those uppity night clubs and just go all out for a night. " Just look after me and if I act stupid or try taking anybody home, stop me, and be on the lookout for if I have too many drinks." I politely declined because I don't want to babysit this 57 year old gay man who will potentially get drunk out of his mind and wants me to take care of him for the night. Besides, I was already going to be spending most of my Saturday with this guy at the beach. GM didn't care, GM wanted, let me rephrase, expected me to be there and babysit him for a night out. He then tells me I'd never have gotten any of the opportunities I got in life if it wasn't because of him. Mentioning how he got me my one of my first jobs and lobbying hard enough to get me working in a bank. I told him I'm not interested, would rather stay home and just don't want to be fucking babysitting him. GM tried to coerce me, saying that turning him down would mean I'll be off his book and not going to see him anymore and that he will no longer be doing "nice things" for me. I don't even care if he wants me to see him, I don't care if I see him or don't, I was only there out of pity and now I couldn't care less about whatever happens to him.
\*Note:\* I'm straight. I never went up to him asking for help. He offered himself all of the time. Now I know he's always been expecting something in return.
TL/DR a 55 year old gay man gave me my first job when I was 18 and he did all he could to get me involved in his personal life. I sometimes hangout with him because he has a lot on his plate and I pity him. He wants me to go out with him for drinks and babysit him if he goes overboard with the booze. I told him I didn't want to and now he's claiming I never do anything for him and that he's done everything in his power to help me. If I don't oblige to babysitting him he will never again try to help me with anything in life and will push me out of his life.
Am I The Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2YxGOhEWUVjI7i0jsH1ANZrCY7zGqVBX | awyo2n | {
"description": "refusing to clean the kitchen",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for refusing to clean the kitchen? | I live in an apartment with 7 other girls. as you can imagine, it can be pretty difficult to keep the place clean. there has already been a ton of drama the past 6 months about dishes, messy kitchen, people not cleaning up after themselves, etc.
honestly, I don’t mind living in a messy house. my kitchen growing up was always an awful mess. however, I care a lot about being a good roommate. I ALWAYS clean up my messes as soon as I make them, I wash and put away my dishes the second I’m done cooking/eating, I keep the bathroom clean. I don’t think my roommates believe this, but it’s true. NONE of the mess in the kitchen is mine.
now, some of my roommates can’t stand having a messy house. one of them said that she gets anxiety because of how dirty it is, and she can’t cook because the mess stresses her out too much. there are a few of them that are always freaking out and “scolding” the rest of us for not keeping the kitchen clean.
yesterday, one of them decided that we are all going to get together sometime today to clean the kitchen and the bathroom. I feel for them that they hate the house being dirty, and it’s not fair for them to have to deal with it or clean it themselves. on the other hand, it’s not fair for me to clean it up either, especially if the mess doesn’t even bother me. I don’t feel like I have any obligation to clean other people’s messes. and, they all talk badly about me to each other and in general treat me like shit, so that doesn’t give me much of an incentive to do it out of the goodness of my heart.
so, AITA for refusing to clean the kitchen, if none of it is my mess? I would probably be the only one out of the 8 of us that doesn’t help out | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
Q6l0kHHjWg9w05lzAQil8beX2PRwDm3Y | b549uc | {
"description": "telling my mom not to post pictures of me on the internet",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my mom not to post pictures of me on the internet? | So I (21F) normally have a pretty good relationship with my mother (59). I moved two states away for college but we continue to talk on the phone weekly and text back and forth daily. She’s really into taking photos of her daily life and either posting them on social media or putting them in scrapbooks. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve hated being in photos. I’m a very private person, and I like to have a say in which images of me get immortalized forever/shown to a wide circle of people. I’ll admit that I’m a bit of a control freak, and I know it’s a major flaw.
I’m currently home on spring break and tonight we made dinner with our close family friends. It was a fun gathering, and pictures were obviously taken. I told my mom that I didn’t want any of them posted on Facebook, and she agreed. Later on I noticed that she’d tagged me in a couple pictures that she had posted. I pulled her aside and reminded her that I don’t like my photo being posted without my consent and asked her to take down the pictures with me in them. Things never got heated, but she seemed pretty upset at my request and said I was being unreasonable. I don’t think i was being unreasonable, but I’m not exactly the most objective judge of that. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jFMkIQlxVhA3vLUNNNzIbqnGK2GtBIeR | ba14ph | null | AITA My brother gets upset often and I've been rude to him | Note: Myself and my siblings are a set of 13 year old quadruplets.
My brother is a complicated person, first of all. He gets distracted easily, and has always struggled with finishing his work. He's also a sensitive person, and cries easily. He is especially insecure about his height. This has made him an easy target for teasing.
However, he claims to be bullied often and hated. Talking to other people I noticed they all have a pretty neutral opinion of him, in addition to the fact that he can't name specific instances of said bullying. I doubt many of his claims.
The real problem with him began when he started lashing out on my family, mostly when my parents tried to make him do his missing work. (It had accumulated because, as previously stated, he got distracted easily) He throws cups and other objects, and bursts out in tears. His self-esteem is incredibly fragile, and no one can tell him he's incorrect about something without it ruining his mood. This happens at least once a day. We've all tried to be sensitive to what he's going through, but it's really started getting on my nerves.
Whenever he's gone I go into the bathroom and flip off the mirror. I used to love him, but now all I can see is a selfish brat. I've talked to my sisters about him, and they all agree. Both of them have decided to avoid him as much as possible.
Yesterday, he had a fit, and when it was done I was fuming. As I was leaving the room, I thrust my shoulder out and hit his - on purpose. He clutched his shoulder, and looked hurt and offended.
In addition, I took out the bands for my braces this morning. I had previously eaten a bagel. He was disgusted, and told me to put them in the other room because they had cream cheese on them. I looked at them, and they were bare. I told him so, but he insisted loudly. I told him again, and he reluctantly agreed. He still looked annoyed though. I began to eat a second bagel, but this time purposely with wild, violent bites. My dad stepped in, and told me to back off.
So, Redditors, an I the asshole for being rude to my brother? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
jgQtXSrXZWENsTYwLTWhmGOAEOv2Qjqo | 9xz795 | {
"description": "sleeping with my friend's ex",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA For sleeping with my friend’s (19F) ex (20M)? | She and I (19F) are not super close, however we’re all three heavily involved in our college’s theatre department so we all see each other often. The two of them started dating sometime around April of this year and were very much in love.
This brings us to about two or three weeks ago. They broke up, but I’m not entirely certain why or what happened. I don’t want to be nosy and pry so I’ve just left it be. What I do know is that my friend (we’ll call her Tiffany) took it very hard. She has a very severe anxiety disorder and ended up admitting herself due to the breakdown she had (I didn’t find this out until after the deed was done). Not long after I run into the ex (we’ll call him Tyler) on tinder and we match. Part of it was the politeness that you always swipe right on your friends, another part of it curiosity because I had heard rumors they broke up but wasn’t certain, and the last part is a very strong attraction to him. I’d felt it since I met him our freshman year, but I myself got into a relationship (we broke up some time ago) not long after meeting so that didn’t go anywhere then.
Tyler and I exchanged some friendly banter back and forth and realized we were both on the app purely for hookups- he was still too upset about the breakup to look for a real relationship and I’m just not in a stable enough place in my life for that. That lead to the conversation turning to the possibility of us hooking up. We acknowledged a few things that made it a bad idea- the breakup was relatively fresh, I’m friends with the both of them, and if news got around the theatre department about us hooking up people may get upset at us despite not being personally involved (they were kinda the sweethearts of the department). In the end hormones won out and we ended up hooking up that same day. We agreed this would be a one time thing because any more than that could lead into the very dangerous territory of feelings (we are both very much each others type).
Since then it hasn’t been awkward between any of us and word hasn’t gotten out as far as I know, but I can’t help but feel guilty. At the time I didn’t know just how far the breakup had pushed Tiffany, and even now I’m uncertain how she’s handling it since she is on tinder herself. I could just be overthinking everything since I tend to put a lot of blame on myself, but I really think I might have been the asshole in this situation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
0iuqg6nqXXoqA4ltfmSoiKEbXEa7Qfwy | advtf2 | {
"description": "not communicating with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not communicating with my parents? | Am I the asshole son for not calling my parents or going to family gatherings/holidays?
I feel really uncomfortable talking to my family over the phone or at family gatherings. I have basically stopped doing either because my parents belittle me and my siblings by asking demeaning questions about when we are going to get our lives together. By together they basically mean becoming millionaires.
They talk shit about all of us to each other. This is based off of the conversations I have had with them where they make fun of my siblings, so I am fairly certain I can guess what they say about me behind my back as well. It’s sickening, because I feel like they have nothing else to talk about, so they use this gossip as a conversation topic because they think it’s funny we are all struggling.
I don’t even know how to have a conversation with my dad that doesn’t end up solely about money or shit talking. I hold some of the responsibility on this, because if I had more to talk about, maybe there would be less gossip.
Anyways, they both grew up middle class, but my dad ended up making mid 6 figures up to 7 figures a year, until the ‘07-08 recession. After that they got divorced and they both wasted millions of dollars by acting like r/wallsteetbets gods. By that I mean they both gambled away everything or used it to buy super luxury cars, jewelry, and travel. They expect all of us to be near the same income bracket that they were.
The problem is none of us went to college because they both said the other should have paid for college (they got divorced right before the recession) and because we couldn’t qualify for FASFA because they had too many assets. So we all ended up in near minimum wage, dead-end jobs, instead of the white collar “prestigious” careers they expected.
To be honest, I am resentful over that and this makes me less willing to listen to them make fun of my siblings when they talk to me, as well as making me feel inferior. This is where my question/post stems from. I feel like IANTA for distancing myself, but that I also could be TA for feeling entitled to go to college. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qzi0g6tZPmpT9b5t1qyfVARNWPDkSEOc | ayiq2o | {
"description": "reporting these two to Internal Affairs",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA For Reporting These Two to Internal Affairs? | About this story: I work as a police officer in a metro PD, before that I was in the Marines. I've been willfully single since my last long term girlfriend cheated on me during my second deployment. I also struggle with major depressive disorder. There you go, context.
&#x200B;
Couple months back, a new officer, Sierra, got hired on and came to our shift for training. Sierra seemed pretty cool at the time, and she was always flirting with me and making suggestive comments. I brushed these off initially until I started hearing from my buddies on shift that she wouldn't stop talking about me to them. She and I get to talking.
&#x200B;
This goes on, hot and cold for a few months, but the signs of interest are still strong and still there. One night, she shoots me a text inviting me out with some of our mutual friends from a couple shifts. Most everyone is a couple, and only she and I are single. I agree. I roll up to the spot that night and here's the big red flag that got my paranoia tingling: the married guy she said she invited (we're gonna call him Tango) is riding with her and her friends. His wife? Not there. Suddenly, Sierra's body language around me is closed and cold. Conversation is gone. This is unusual, off baseline. So I do what any red-blooded Marine would do and get wasted. That doesn't help. The night goes sideways, she's constantly wandering off with Tango and getting handsy with him, pretending I don't exist. I say fuck it, I'm out, go to close my tab out and some dude tries to start a fight with me. Tango and Sierra are at the bar, watching this unfold, doing nothing. After we get separated, they walk by and pretend to not even see me save for a snide look from Tango. I leave. Sierra calls me, is mad at me for leaving and confused why I'm upset. I eventually agree to come back, and have it out with her outside the bar. She says she told me we'd never work (she didn't) on snap and that I'm too shitfaced to remember. I leave, get home.
&#x200B;
Long story short, I come back to work at the PD on light duty, minus my gun. Wasn't a good couple weeks for me.
&#x200B;
Find out from friends Tango has been talking shit about me and my absence from work. So has Sierra. Nobody in the PD likes that he's done this, because most people know me as a generally good guy and my absence is worrying. Only my shift commander and a few command staff know the truth about why I've been gone. To make matters worse, Tango and Sierra have starting shacking up together. No big deal, except Tango is married. With three kids. Tango's wife has no clue about this. On top of that, Tango was Sierra's training officer. That's a huge violation of departmental policy, and something the PD has had issues with in the past. I'm torn. I'm a principled guy, I'd like to say, and I expected better of my LEO peers when I joined this PD. I also hate cheaters, they're scum. I want to report this relationship to IA. But I also want to be the better person. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
KSn6ckOoHtQRwQEvHOHYtkfJEoRA9GSp | au2yvj | null | AITA or am I being spoiled for arguing with my partner about getting a new car? | Long story short, I'm a 24 year old guy living in Boston with a full time job that pays about $50K a year before taxes. Both of my parents have passed away- I lost my mom at 14 and my dad at 21 (tragically and suddenly). Through their will, they bequeathed about $1.5 mil to me. I've also inherited a perfectly good 2014 Honda CR-V, but I've been looking at potentially purchasing a 2nd car as a fun car (and something that I would enjoy driving).
I take public transport into work every day and usually drive less than 100 miles in a given week. I was fortunate enough not to carry any student loans, so my biggest expensive in a given month is rent. My partner doesn't really understand why I want to purchase a 2nd car, and insist that I sell my current car if I'm looking for a new purchase. He thinks that if I get a new car, I wouldn't drive my current car that much anyways, so why keep it and let it depreciate in value? We've gotten in several arguments about this and just had a big blow out tonight again.
The problem is, I hold a lot of sentimental value in my current car. The car was my dad's, and I hold a lot of emotional attachment to it being his car. The thought of getting rid of it actually pains me because I can't help but think of it as losing another part of my dad. I don't think I'm ready to get rid of it, but I can see how illogical it is to hold onto it as a security blanket.
I guess my question is- am I being the asshole for being upset with my partner for not understanding where I'm coming from? Am I looking at this situation through an illogical lens? | HISTORICAL | {
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rdzqKVDPDzjuavrZzF6Mso5t5AX52L8d | 9xglk2 | {
"description": "taking back my exes birthday gift",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for taking back my exes birthday gift? | First time posting to reddit here so I'm sorry if I don't get the rules and stuff right. I feel the need to post that I am also on mobile.
A little background here. My ex and I dated for 10 months. I recently broke up with him because of his video game addiction. I'm talking like 12 hours of gaming a night. We haven't slept in the same bed for like 3 months because he games until 8am and I am usually either headed out to work before he comes to bed or getting up for the day. I am letting him stay at my apartment until December 1st when he can find a place to stay (he isn't on the lease). I purchased us concert tickets for his birthday this month and left them at the apartment when I went to stay with my mom. He told my roommate he was on tinder and going to bring another girl with him to the concert. I went back to my apartment and took the tickets back. I'm going to sell one to my friend and go with her. AITA for taking the tickets back? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
o1nXo1gVGofI6lZDwcPOhSh8XlvHr1z8 | b2knjc | {
"description": "disagreeing with my roommate about not calling her daughter 'smart' because it would be too much pressure for her to live up to",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for disagreeing with my roommate about not calling her daughter 'smart' because it would be too much pressure for her to live up to? | clunky title, i know. this is a throwaway acct as well. TLDR at the bottom.
here goes:
been living with my roommates for over a year or so now and it's me, my 25(F) roomie with a 4 yo daughter whom i adore and cherish like a niece, my other roommates 40(F) and her husband 39(M) who have a 3 yo daughter themselves.
now, a few weeks back the household gets an email from the 39(M) husband about being careful of the language we use around the two girls. things like calling them pretty or beautiful or cute constantly, because of feminism, self-image, etc.
very reasonable, in fact, eye-opening and endearing because they really try their hardest to make sure they're raised to be as confident in every aspect as possible besides looks. very lucky kids.
cut to a week later and we're having dinner, when the 25(F) roomie with the 4 yo turns and specifically asks me to "stop calling her the smartest kid you know". she goes on to explain that she feels it would put a lot of undue pressure on her to have her be told she's that smart, and she might feel like she would have to live up to it. i understood exactly where she was coming from, since i got it a lot as a kid and now i feel anxious whenever i feel like i'm not smart enough or not living up to the potential others expect.
the main difference i think is, i never really had that sort of validation from the ones that mattered the most, i.e my mother, family, etc. meanwhile teachers, peers wouldn't hesitate to tell me. so since i trusted my family's opinion of me far more than anyone (as a young kid would) i never really took it to heart or believed them. now, i understand that i always was smart, just never supported due to their narcissism.
ANYWAY, what i'm getting at is that i feel it's important to validate her intelligence NOW, especially from her own mother and loved ones, rather than her try to seek it elsewhere or never even feel like it exists. i admit she isn't very book smart and school makes her anxious, but she's incredibly intuitive and clever. she's emotionally mature and so great with kids younger than her. she doesn't have the greatest vocab but she makes up for it by piecing together her thoughts in a unique, intelligent way. she's just so... smart in her own way.
since that conversation i've respected her wishes and refrained from calling her smart, it's just deep inside i feel like it's almost a disservice to the kid. but who knows, maybe mother truly knows best.
TLDR; my roomie thinks i shouldn't call her daughter smart because the pressure might set her up for failure in the long run, but i think the sooner she realizes she's smart in many ways, she'll be able to understand her strengths and talents instead of not recognizing them at all.
i hope i've clarified everything but if not, please ask for follow-ups. but for now, reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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g9tpKy5saeZYAmOxuVmtAhOiWaDSKSGc | awjvrv | {
"description": "crying when we fight",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA crying when we fight? | I don't often post on reddit, so forgive me for any formatting issues.
For some basics, my family immigrated to Canada when I was 8. My parents argued a lot then and still do. My mom wasn't the type to fight back or yell (until recently) so I have a lot of memories of him yelling at her while I sat terrified in bed. I should say that there was never anything physical, but I know my mom was and still is so tired emotionally. But it's hard to look back at the past and say who was in the wrong, just what I remember. Additionally, I'm the type of person that cries when I argue. I really can't help it, it's something I hate about myself and have tried to stop but have no idea how. It's especially bad when arguing with my dad.
I was arguing with my dad about the way I said something with an attitude that pissed him off. He kept asking me to do something a certain way, and so I told him (very calmly) that this is the third time I'm telling you I want to do it this way. He said the fact I brought up it was the third time annoyed him and started arguging. The thing is, the way he argues involves a lot of raised voices which is normal for him. So cue me crying. While arguing, I asked him why he couldn't control his voice and not yell (something I've asked him to do before too) . He said he couldn't control it just like I couldn't control my crying. At this point we'd been arguing for a bit and I was getting quite emotional, and I brought up that he was an adult who has had years more of life than me, and I had been scared of his yelling since I was a child. He said something along the lines of we can go over the past however many years we want, but it wouldn't do anything. Then he said his priority right now was going to work and left.
So Reddit, is he right? AITA for not being able to control my crying, and it's the same thing as him not being able to control his voice? | HISTORICAL | {
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