id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
begpbMPUzDsGXCM94a510SHtH8OqgnsY | aju61q | {
"description": "telling someone I'm not interested after they criticized my kissing style on the second date",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling someone I’m not interested after they criticized my kissing style on the second date? | Hear me out, the title seems like like I’m seeking validation but I’m really wondering if I’m being too sensitive or egotistical for ending things after I was criticized. Because constructive criticism can definitely be a good thing!
I’ve [22, F] been texting this person [M, 24] on and off for a year. We met on Tinder in January 2017, and went on a first date. I was in a abusive and rocky on and off relationship at the time and ended up getting back together with my long term boyfriend. But throughout the year, there were periods where I was single and we’d talk again.
Now it’s January 2018 and I’ve gotten myself out of my toxic relationship, for good. Boy asked me out on a second date. I said yes and it turns out to be a good time, lots of laughter. At the end, he kissed me. This is our first kiss. A few kisses in, he starts to slip some tongue in. Now, background info: I’ve been kissing for 8 years, have had 10+ kissing partners. I’m not a novice to kissing. However, no one I’ve been with has used tongue. They just weren’t interested in it and that’s fine with me. I just always assumed tongue wasn’t as common as it is in the movies.
So, I pause and I tell him “hey, just so you know, I’m like a rookie at tongue kissing because I just haven’t done it previously.” He stops, laughs, and says “I could tell.” And when I immediately become embarrassed by his comment, he states “no, it’s okay. I sucked at kissing too at first.”
My self-esteem took a nosedive. I was too embarrassed and self conscious to kiss him again. I told him I was a bit offended and he just said he “didn’t mean it like that.” But the damage was done and I kinda just wanted to get out of there.
After the night ended, I did text him that I was very embarrassed and self conscious by his comment. But he didn’t really say much, just apologized. Now we’re still texting and he wants to go out again. I really did like him but now I’m not even interested in kissing him. I don’t feel hot or sexy anymore. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive, because if I did suck at kissing, I guess someone should tell me. But after a year of talking and a lot of effort and time put into each other, I just don’t know if I want to go out again.
So, AITA? Am I being a baby for being so offended by his comment? Should I just take it as constructive criticism? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Fwzh2pYB9gsunxleZeZCOdEBtLERFRMK | 9wwg34 | {
"description": "being seriously ticked off my upstairs neighbor won't stop coughing",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being seriously ticked off my upstairs neighbor won't stop coughing? | I moved into a new apartment in August. It's a small building (only 8 units) and I'm on the ground floor. All the apartments are singles and I've only met two of the other tenants in the few months I've lived here.
About a week into living here I woke up to the light sound of music. Initially I thought it was video game but I realized it was actually my upstairs neighbor practicing the flute. While not ideal, I pretty much let this go. For context, I live right next to a university that is very well known for their music program and I figured they were doing the best they could. They're probably living in a single so they don't annoy a roommate, they only play at reasonable times of the day, and it's pretty easy to drown out the sound if I need to. Still, not ideal, but also felt it was not worth causing an issue about.
But then, the coughing started. At the beginning of October, I started hearing my upstairs neighbor cough. My first thought was "oh man that sucks, they're sick" and I figured it would go away in a week or so. Well, it's been over 6 weeks and they have not stopped coughing. The walls are very thin and I've been woken up in the middle of the night on multiple occasions to the sound of coughing. Any time they are home there is intermittent coughing. Adding that on top of the flute playing, there's hardly ever not noise coming from upstairs. And it's starting to really, really tick me off to the point where I want to complain.
But, at the same time, I don't know what's going on. Like, you can't ask someone to just stop coughing. They could be sick or have allergies or something else out of their control. But where does the line between being understanding and my right to peace and quiet exist? Am I the asshole for being angry about this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1SEMTex3L0bQdCkQjMHR0ADPoNcg12HL | ata0tl | {
"description": "not wanting my brother to wear make-up in public",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for not wanting my brother to wear make-up in public? | Me (25 M) and my family live in a fairly small town. It‘s one of those places where everyone knows everyone and word always spreads fast. Of course that can be annoying sometimes, but oh well.
Two years ago my little brother (16 M) came out as gay. Everyone in our family immediately accepted him, but of course that didn’t stop other people from gossiping and talking shit.
I‘ve always been very close to my little brother. He used to get bullied in school for being „too feminine“ (it‘s better now, but some guys are still rude to him), so I always saw it as my responsibility to look out for him and keep him safe from those assholes. After coming out to us and his friends, his self-esteem has improved a lot though and I‘m super proud of him!
One thing my brother loves is make-up. From what I can see he‘s pretty good with it too (we always joke about him becoming a Youtube MUA after he graduates) and even though I don’t know too much about this kinda stuff, it makes me happy that he‘s found a hobby.
A few weeks ago, my brother was hanging out with friends and left the house with full make-up on (brows, eyeshadow, eyeliner, etc.). When he got back, he told me some guys he ran into were really rude to him and called him names. He was scared they would get violent so he just ran away. I comforted him and added that it might be a good idea to stop wearing make-up in public and just do it at home for now. He was pretty upset by that and accused me of victim blaming and trying to stop him from expressing himself. Before I could even say anything he left the room and now refuses to speak to me.
I feel like my brother twisted my words here. He can do whatever he wants as long as he‘s happy and not inconveniencing someone else. The reason why I suggested it is because I‘m scared something might happen to him. I don’t want him to get assaulted or insulted by close-minded people when he‘s outside and I‘m not there to protect him.
On the other hand, maybe I went about it the wrong way and shouldn’t have said something like that at all, idk.
So, AITA for what I said? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
F2W0mlHJzmhncuUiI3Y4zIZVSGaz22D0 | ay49lq | {
"description": "asking my boyfriend to stop smoking",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop smoking? | First time posting, sorry for any formatting or grammar issues.
Backstory: I've grown up around smokers my entire life, my grandfather used to smoke a pack a day from youth until the age of 60. My uncles, and aunts were also frequent smokers. When my grandfather turned 70, he developed problems with his lungs, decayed his teeth and has gum disease. My uncles also are starting to develop problems due to their habits and now are actively trying hard to quit.
​
Present story: I have been dating this guy for around 7-8 months, he knows about my family history and how much I don't want him to smoke due to the fact that I don't want him to develop any health issues in the future. Every time we argue or talk about it, I always remind him that the main reason I wouldn't want him to continue smoking is because I've grown up around it and now know the serious consequences it brings. I know that he is old enough to do whatever he wants, and we have compromised that he would stop smoking but would take up electronic cigarettes instead (which I think is better for you). I've asked him to try and not blow the smoke in my direction due to the fact that I have never tried electronic cigs and it burns my throat.
​
The issue: Recently he has been blaming me a lot for wanting him to stop, he says that smoking helps him calm down, and that since I had asked him to stop (and replace it with electronic instead) he has been overly stressed and unhappy (its even around 2 months since he stopped). He says that I am too restrictive, that taking a smoke break helps him with his stress in school. That everyone smokes nowadays and that its a social norm, that other guys significant others don't care about the smoking. He brings it up frequently and I don't know if I am really being too restrictive asking him to stop? I feel really bad due to the fact that I do want him to be happy, and I want him to do what makes him happy.
​
What do you guys think I should do? Am I being too unreasonable? If I am how do you guys think I should fix this?
​
In short: Am I The Asshole for asking my boyfriend to stop smoking. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
wJazS9MVNvj1d10Ez34Sw3aMXB3k2BXm | a8cai8 | {
"description": "bringing presents to everyone but my SIL? I got my brother, two nieces and nephew personalized gifts. I was working on getting my SIL a present but lost employment. I do have a used Apples to Apples card game I could gift her. but it doesnt come with instructions, and is opened. WIBTA",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA If I bring presents to everyone but my SIL? I got my brother, two nieces and nephew personalized gifts. I was working on getting my SIL a present but lost employment. I do have a used Apples to Apples card game I could gift her. But it doesnt come with instructions, and is opened. WIBTA? | Edit: The majority of the judgement is YTA.
Thank you all. I'm really not trying to be the asshole. Trying to brainstorm what I can get her that doesn't scream out "this was last minute so here" or "I just whipped this up, definitely personalized, but not as well put together."
She does DIY stuff and branding. Maybe a DIY book for ideas?
P.s. I'm not asking for advice, just DM your 2 cents. Even if you want to call me out specifically. It's all welcomed.
Happy holidays to all.
Edit: I ended up getting her the "Shit Happens" card game. She liked it, and the play through was of course hysterical. They all enjoyed their gifts. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
3m2glKf5RZRQwtDDRYagt1wv3lMjNcbb | azz6n8 | {
"description": "being pissed at my friend who has been bragging about being high for the past week",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being pissed at my friend who has been bragging about being high for the past week? | So last weekend my friend was at a party. And without suprise there were drugs and alcohol. Before that party my friend was never high and alway wanted to try it out because he couldn't imagine how the things i told him about it felt.
At the party he ate some brownies and was as he told me 'pretty high'. The day after the party we met up tu dicuss what happened during it ( i wasn't there because i wasn't invited). He told me about everything he felt and that he still felt a bit dizzy. 'It was a cool experience but i never wanna do it again'. Since then everything was cool and i was happy for him.
But then during the week he repeatedly said that he never want to do this while pointing out VERY CLEARLY to other peaple that he was HIGH. I was very bothered by it and told him in a very mean tone that i am annoyed and that i'm not bragging about it everytime i'm high. After that he was quite sad and didn't speak a lot to me. Now i'm asking myself AITA for being mad at my friend that he was bregging about beig high for the whole week ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
3ezEVRlVnMIbvfN0XFIQVgPZiOzSxCN0 | b6ktci | {
"description": "not tipping at a restaurant because of my debt",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 36
} | WIBTA if I don't tip at a restaurant because of my debt? | From all the stories I have read, it seems as if the silent rule is to always tip. But what if I'm very tight on budget. A university student that wants to get rid of his debt and is still learning to cook. I've heard many stories of how people are still in debt from school after decades have passed, and I strive to overcome it as quickly as I possibly can. So, even if I'm not living pay-check to pay-check, WIBTA if I didn't tip, or is it always required? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 36,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 36
} | WRONG |
XxVJVxg092GJP1tARXSZ7cLfs6MBFztm | axpvuk | {
"description": "not wanting to date my transgender best friend",
"pronormative_score": 47,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to date my transgender best friend? | Burner account for privacy.
Sam (not real name) has been my best friend since 3rd grade. We bonded over being semi-outcasts. We weren’t bullied, we were outsiders, introverted and liked nerdy things like anime. We’ve best friend and basically have hung out every day since middle school.
We ended up going to the same college. Sophomore year we got an off campus apartment together. In like November, Samuel came out as Samantha, and began transitioning. Of course, I supported her 100%. She’s been my best friend for years and I want her to do whatever she needs to be her most authentic self.
This year, Sam was presenting as female full time. We kept hanging out all the time like we did before, and our friends started to jokingly refer to us as a couple. Sam starting dropping hints about us dating for real. I didn’t pick up the hints until *she* finally asked *me* out a in January. I said yes. I figured that we hang out all the time anyways, and I like Sam as a person a lot. Maybe there’s another layer of romance that hasn’t been uncovered, you know? I was willing to give it a chance.
On our first date, we went to a show on campus and then hit a few LGBT-friendly bars. At the bars we started being more physical and sexual, until we went back to our apartment and made out. As it was happening, I felt like, although it felt nice to touch and be touched, it wasn’t amazing, and I didn’t feel romantically connected.
To be honest, I think a major factor is the fact that Sam is trans. Even with hormones and makeup, she still has a male skeletal structure and masculine voice and and frankly, a penis. I don’t want to be bigoted, but all that makes me less sexually attracted to Sam. But I figured—hey, maybe it’s just because of society’s beauty standards etc. so I’m biased and should just give it a chance. We’re still dating and getting more and more sexual.
The more we date, the more I feel like I’m just not attracted to Sam romantically. I’m not enjoying being physical with her. And then I feel dishonest for pretending like I am because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I’m so worried that if I’m honest about not being into her romantically it will crush her, which would crush me because to be honest, I love her more than anyone outside my family—but I’m pretty sure I just love her like a sister. But I also don’t want to live a lie and both of us deserve to be with a partner that we’re fully sexually satisfied with. And plus we live together, so this is gonna make things really uncomfortable and awkward. And how would we even go back to being just friends again? Could we even?
Anyways, so basically, please let me know if I’m an asshole or not. And whatever I am, please give me some advice to resolve this as best as possible. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 28,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 47,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
LUf3Rq8lqE2PgjPiLk1PyYe7wjbhByfA | 9z12m6 | {
"description": "possibly betraying both my friends feelings",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for possibly betraying both my friends feelings? | ok a bit of background: we are all highschoolers and both of these people are my best friends. the girl -lets call her sally- started liking the boy -lets call him Tim- about a month back. This was quite a big deal to Sally's friends and I started becoming the mediator between the two, Sally and Tim, most of the things told to me by Tim were told to Sally and vice versa if I saw the information to be beneficial to either person in the development of this relationship or they told me to tell the other.
​
About a week before said event that made me question if I was the asshole, I was calling Sally and somehow it was brought up that we, sally and I, should kiss. to which I replied, I would be willing to, but I wasn't going to push it- it was her decision. This made me feel like I was going behind Tim's back since he liked her, but at the time I knew nothing was really developing out of their crush situation and nothing had really progressed for a couple weeks. I talked to a different friend about it who assured me that it wasn't immoral so I proceeded not pushing it but being open to the possibility if Sally wanted to. I should also say that this kiss was intended to be nothing more than a kiss. I should also preface that I am female, so it was more of an experimentation thing than anything for Sally. At which point a date was scheduled for me to go over to Sally's house with the possibility on the table of us kissing still. AITA for this?
​
During that week I went trick or treating with Tim and another friend. Were Tim and I essentially had a joke that went to far that ended up with me essentially touching his um...member? The intentions were not sexual, rather it was a sexual joke in nature that again, went to far. After this we talked about it and both agreed on the possibility of this event occurring again intentionally. As a friends with benefits sort of deal. AITA for this?
​
this was about four days later days later. Tim, unknowing of Sally and I's situation, was getting antsy. He also canceled our arrangement. Tim and Sally crushes were fading-as most do- and Tim wanted to act fast, fearsome of losing his shot. Tim asked me what he should say and if he should ask Sally out. I told him he should probably wait, because I was worried that Sally and I's kiss would skew her answer in some way. He begrudgingly obliged, still wanting to know what the event specifically was, which I never told him. I also brought up this to Sally, to confirm that Tim should wait, and she agreed that it would probably be best to wait until after our kiss. About half a week goes by and our kiss in canceled due to other scheduling conflicts, I again bring up to Sally if now would be a good time for Tim to ask her out. Sally says no, and that I misunderstood her for that half week and she did not like Tim anymore. I then asked Sally if she wanted to tell him this or if she wanted me to. She wanted me to. I told Tim and he has not talked to me since. AITA for this? The last thing he texted me about was commenting on our previous fight we had over text that I instigated with the intention of a open dialogue of how I felt in our friendship and about how something he did hurt my feelings. This is a week later and no texts.
​
Lastly, just tonight I was again on a call with Sally and she informed me she could be Bi and possibly wanted to date me. would I be the asshole if I said yes?
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CHAcGkBH1IHuVsvWcBxv5nejWDWWsdSY | adzwyh | {
"description": "reminding my dad of a shitty thing he said to me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for reminding my dad of a shitty thing he said to me? | So my dad has suffered with major depression and BPD for quite a while, and a few years ago he had a particularly bad episode. At the time I was 15, and he would often talk to me as a sort of 'therpist'. Around that time I started becoming more independent and isolated myself more from my family - a few years prior however, my dad and I were extremely close. I just took my growing independence as a normal feat of growing up. Anyways, so one day when I was 15 he was confiding in me about his depression, when suddenly he started confronting me about how I no longer spent time with him. Then he kinda got tearfully angry and told me that I'm the reason he is suicidal/I make him suicidal. This definitely bothered me at the time, but I was more resentful/angry than anything. I've remembered the incident quite clearly since then.
Fast forward to today, my 18th birthday, and I'm sitting down with my parents at the table (a very rare occassion) and we're just talking. I definitely have alot of resentments towards my family and my upbringing (I come from a fairly dysfunctional family, and my upbringing has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster) and towards both parents, but I was actually enjoying myself while we were talking. Recently I asked to get an appointment with a psychiatrist and begin therapy again, as I've been struggling with what I think is worsening depression over the last few months. So we talked a bit about that. We talked a bit about how dysfunctional the family is, and reminisced about the tumultuous up bringing - but in a good light. It was kind of nice,and I actually felt close to them for the first time in years (especially my dad). I don't remember exactly what my dad said to me next (but I perceived it to be in an accusatory tone), so then I brought up the shitty thing he had said to me a few years prior - how he told me I make him suicidal.
He vehemently denied this at first, claiming that he must have been talking to my mom (as he accuses her of that quite often) or that I was just remembering incorrectly, because he would have remembered saying that. I was insistent until I noticed him growing upset as he began to acknowledge that it may be true, at which point I admitted that it may have been a misunderstanding (which it was definitely not). My mom made us hug and then he burst into tears, very obviously hurt, and started lamenting about what a shitty thing that was/how he's a bad person. Now I'm worried that he is suicidal again.
This then triggered me, and now I'm in bed succing on a cigarette and feeling like a total asshole for having brought that up. It is definitely something that has remained ingrained in my.mind, and I've told my mom about it, but never brought it up with my dad. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zQEQLrBiUTov9tSOANsY4QIHitNFFg10 | aj47ak | {
"description": "dropping this Guy as a friend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA For Dropping This Guy As A Friend? | High school senior here. I've been friends with this guy since the eighth grade, and he's always been a little much to handle. He's the only student in the grade younger than me (he's 16, I'm 17) and I used to tell myself that his age was the reason for his attitude, but none of my other friends or people I know in general ever act this way. So, allow me to give a description of this guy, let's call him Jimmy.
Jimmy is the type of guy that frequents /b/, worships Ben Shapiro, makes sexist, racist, makes transphobic/homophobic comments, and is generally a chore to be around. He's had real bad anger issues since I met him, and that alleviated somewhat in the 10th and 11th grades, but it's just come back harder. A few days ago someone made a joke at his expense that we all laughed at (something along the lines of "everyone is allowed in my room except Jimmy) and he used this as an excuse to stand up, yell "Well, that's a good enough excuse to leave, I'll see you all in Hell!", walk out of the room, and slam the door. We're all used to him making scenes over small shit, so we all ignore it. Couple minutes later, he comes back in, sits down, and says "whatever, fuck that c\*nt". No one but me and another friend seems to have heard this, and we look at each other like "Did he just say that?"
The girl in question is one of my closest friends and very attractive. As such, pretty much ever since the 9th grade, Jimmy has made very gross and inappropriate comments about her body whenever she's not there. I won't go over them since they're honestly just super disgusting, but they're typical of what you'd expect from a right wing kid with little to no female friends.
On top of stuff like this, the dude and I don't agree at all politically. He calls himself a libertarian but really that's just so people will think he has good social values, which he doesn't. He'll only call one of our trans friends "he" when he's around and deadnames him all the time, constantly makes fun of his childhood friend for being bisexual and having had sex with a guy in the past, and generally says some pretty questionable things about the nature of homosexual men. Though, lesbians are fine because "it's hot". He likes to make Jew jokes and has whispered the n word in my ear multiple times (I'm black) because he thinks it's funny. It is not.
Lastly, dude lies through his teeth constantly. I used to be a compulsive liar myself back in elementary school, so I can get some of the reasons why, but the fact that he's so adamant about it all just really rubs me the wrong way. He'll lie to win arguments (which he just loves, by the way), lie to make himself seem like the victim, lie to make himself seem smarter than he actually is (which, to be fair, he is a pretty smart guy, just not THAT smart), and lie just to make his enemies seem worse than they actually are. I don't believe that a whole lot of people buy it, but none of us ever call him out on it because like I said before, he has really bad anger issues and will flip out if you contradict him. Speaking from firsthand experience here.
So, I bet right now you're going "of course you wouldn't be the asshole, the dude sounds like he sucks", but here's the thing. As a result of this behavior, Jimmy has lost...pretty much all of the friends he once had. Our friend group now ostracizes him and talks shit about him behind his back, and none of us ever really talk to him unless we have to. I'd say that he pretty much only has two friends, one of which is basically like a Stockholm Syndrome type thing. The other day he opened up to me about feeling like everyone else in our friend circle are "fake friends" because they never invite him to parties or tell him what's going on with their lives, and he looked genuinely sad. I would feel guilty about just dropping him for my own sake, but at the same time, being around him is exhausting and stresses me the hell out.
I seriously don't know what to do in this situation. I'm having a party in my new house this coming Saturday and am leaning towards not inviting him since he always just seems to cause issues with all of my other friends. Would I be the asshole if I just stopped being his friend and opted to not invite him? Thanks for reading. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
W6X0Xkel6SFloCG0vU5Ed6Ze8lxerdyQ | 9wojou | {
"description": "not wanting to grant my suicidal mother-in-law's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to grant my suicidal mother-in-law's wishes? | Throughout my whole relationship with my wife, I've been stuck witnessing countless feuds between her and her dad. My wife's brother is also in the same toxic relationship with the dad. It has come to a point where both my wife and brother-in-law are fed up and have accepted the fact their dad will never change. In turn, both of them have started distancing themselves. It's unfortunate, because their mom is caught in the crossfire.
​
With everything that's been done, I've never been keen of my wife's dad. But that has never stopped me from being the glue that has kept what's left of my wife and her father's relationship together... Up until my grandmother passed away. My grandmother had both her viewing and funeral all in one weekend. My wife's dad had plans to go on a fishing trip during that same time. I didn't expect my in-law's to attend the funeral, nor did I have any hard feelings that they couldn't go. My father-in-law knew I had a funeral, and yet still he asked if I can watch his dog that weekend while they were out. Which basically consists of me driving to their home each day, feeding the dog, and walking him. I agreed, but in hindsight I should've never done it. A dog should be the least of my worries during my grandma's passing.
​
At that point, I stopped putting in the effort to communicate/see my father-in-law, which in turn further drifted my wife and her dad. My wife's mom quickly began falling into a state of depression seeing her whole family fall apart. She started reaching out to other family members for support. These family members already knew the history of fights between my wife and her dad, as well how I felt regarding my grandma's death and the dog situation. Long story short, they're asking my wife and I to set aside our differences with my father-in-law for the sake of my mother-in-law's wellbeing.
​
My wife is emotionally done with the fights and abusive behavior her dad has done to her for years. She has been on the verge of depression because of this as well. There's no way she is willing to go back and endure more of it. As for me, the dad has lost all my respect. Even with all that said, the rest of the family insists we suck it up. I'm at the point where I'm losing my patience with this whole family. My wife and I are more than willing to have a very close relationship with the mom and help her, but the dad is out of the question. In my mother-in-law's eyes, the only way to solve her issues is to see the whole family together again. The rest of the family won't confront the dad because they are terrified of his aggressive mentality, and he never owns up to his mistakes anyway.
​
So guys, is my wife and I the asshole for not wanting to fix anything as my mother-in-law drifts into a further state of depression? She has been having suicidal thoughts, and would hate to be pointed fingers at for it. | HISTORICAL | {
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iDqiqan8aNGSj7Z6Uw04D6kCiNYnXkKN | adpx4t | {
"description": "never telling my wife I cheated on her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 36
} | AITA for never telling my wife I cheated on her? | Last week was my 30^(th) wedding anniversary.Today I turn 54 and is the first day of retirement for my wife and I.
My wife and I met when we were sixteen through friends and started dating shortly after. We were both complete virgins when we met so we learned and experienced everything together. We dated all throughout highschool, and long-distance through college (tough!), and ended up getting married at 23.
We have two sons and a daughter now, aged 27, 24 & 22, respectively.
When I was 27, I slept with another woman because I was curious, drunk & very stupid.I don't remember many of the details, and they aren't important, but it was a woman that neither of us had ever met and I never heard from again. As far as I know, my wife has never found out about this or had any hesitation in trusting me ever.
My wife went to college but didn't end up pursing much of a career, opting to take care of the kids. It was tough for a while and we both were stressed and this was around the time of the affair (not making excuses for myself, just context to explain why I would be so fucking shortsighted and why I was drinking). But I eventually got a better job. We started budgeting and paid off our loans. From there money was never and issue again and we have been *happy* ever since.
I have accepted the fact that I will never truly be happy again, if I want her to get the happiness she deserves. I don't want to pretend the guilt still eats my alive everyday. I still love my wife and she still loves me. We have had so many happy and amazing memories and still do everyday. Though, most usually come with a lingering feeling of guilt too.
She spent her whole life dedicated to me, to our children & our family. Now that we have all the freedom we've been waiting for in our lives, I feel as if I have come to a crossroads and only have two options:
​
1. Continue living life as normal. Take trips with my wife. Play with my grandchildren. Give her the retirement and the end of life she deserves with her husband who she loves. I am not really happy and I may never be but I am also not in a bad place. I could take this level of pain for the rest of my life and I probably deserve that.
2. Tell her. I don't know whether she would leave me now or forgive me. I think she deserves to know the truth, but I also think it could crush her at a time in her life where she is supposed to be the happiest.
​
So, I need to know, am I the asshole for not telling my wife? and is it time to tell her now?
​
**TL;DRI met my wife at 16. Married at 23. Cheated on her at 27 and never told her.Now we're 54 and life is perfect otherwise.** | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 36
} | WRONG |
92UAz2YwZHFe8Dp4XjYnovaPphN7IZLV | awltoh | {
"description": "telling my wife she'd regret not having kids",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 142
} | AITA for telling my wife she'd regret not having kids? | I've (M25) been married to my wife (F23) for a year now and it's the happiest I've ever been. I genuinely feel like she's my soulmate - I've never met anyone who I've felt so connected to. But last week we had our first big fight.
Since before we got married she's always said she doesn't want kids. I do, but not enough for it to have been a dealbreaker. Maybe that was shortsighted of me but I really do love this woman. I know she's been thinking about permenant sterilization. However in the last few months I've noticed her really take on a more maternal nature - she smiles and waves at babies in the street, and she'll be fawning over her little nieces and nephews. This is a recent development and I brought it up one night after her sister brought the new baby over for a visit. She says nothing has changed but I can see it. I told her she clearly likes kids and that she'd regret it if she did decide to be sterilized and would probably end up wanting a baby. She got very upset at this and told me I was being a condescending prick. I just don't want her to make a decision she regrets. She hasn't really spoken to me since and has seemed very distant.
So, AITA or is she overreacting? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 140,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 142
} | WRONG |
hEZER3H3WhDcQVWLAGxPKlaThTiSxv88 | a9xdr0 | {
"description": "defending myself",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for defending myself? | About three years ago I cut out my mother for good. It was necessary and I definitely don't feel like an asshole for that.
I have stayed in touch with some relatives. Some of them have brought up how I "should get back in touch" with my mom. Nothing urgent is going on, this has been happening the whole three years. Every time they bring it up, I tell them exactly why I stopped talking to her - emotional manipulation, triangulation, parentification, staying with boyfriends who put me in physical danger (and even hitting me herself on occasion), holding me hostage for a year. I recently found tons of evidence against her gaslighting and have started linking people to a Google doc where I pasted a good portion of it.
During the year I was stuck in her house, I would write Facebook statuses asking for help. I would openly and candidly talk about what was going on and question her motives. She had manipulated everyone else around me to think she was a great mother and I was simply refusing to work, so my only responses were to the effect of "Don't air your dirty laundry" and "You're just ungrateful, get your shit together and get a job". I don't get these responses now, but I still wonder if defending myself is warranted or if I should just let it be. Am I going too far? I am obviously no longer living with her and I moved out of her house/across the country in 2012. | HISTORICAL | {
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wlUZkunxj3jMqjGt6rr7vBR3bHyGEHO0 | ashzf6 | null | WIBTA: Got "invited" to this dungeons and dragons party and I want out | Hey guys, new account on mobile. I've got this dilemma that I'll try my best to explain.
So at my High School, I'm a junior, and I know a lot of the people there. Since it's an alternative school, people go there for all sorts of reasons. I go there because of how immunocomprimised I get in the winter (Basically my immune system never adapted to cold weather viruses) Anyways, I say this because this has made me sick for the past months, so I need to catch up on a lot of work. I finally felt good enough to come to school last Friday, and I was immediately met by my old friend, Stan (fake name for privacy). He came up with a couple of my new friends, and well, it sort of went like this.
(KEY: Me = myself, S=Stan, F=Other friend)
Me: Oh, hey Sta-
S: Hey dude! So I recently got this new board maker and I've been having a lot of fun with it and I also got a bunch of new dice and I also got this cool new book for being a dungeon master in dungeons and dragons!
Me: Wha-
S: Say no more, I already have some character sheets for you and the basic rule set. Oh, and you can only pick magic items from *blah blah blah...*
Me: But I'm pretty busy and I have to-
S: OH, Oh no don't worry! It's not today! It's next Wednesday at 10:00 am to 10:00 pm! See ya dude! *starts to dash off to his next class*
Me: Wait dude but I-
F: Oh sick, dude you're coming too?
Me: uh, what?
F: To the DnD party! That's awesome! Wednesday is gonna be SICK!
Needless to say, they both spoke too fast and interrupted too much for me to get a word in about my situation. I banned myself from time consuming games like that to get schoolwork done, since I want to graduate on time. I didn't even really want to go, I just didn't bug about it for the rest of the day so I could get more work done. So, this week I composed myself and was ready to say that I couldn't come. Plus, I had two appointments on Wednesday, meaning I had an "official" excuse. I wouldn't let them get away with interrupting me again. Closer to the end of the school day, Stan and a bunch of my new friends all come up to me, about to ask me again if I'm going to come. Now instead of three friends going, it was five. Despite this, I began speaking.
Me: Yeah, sorry it's not going to work. I have a lot I need to get done and I'm just too busy lately to do any ten hour games of-
S: It's not ten hours!
Me: Whatever. Anyways I don't have time for-
S: Oh, yeah, don't worry dude. We changed the plans a bit. Since a couple others joined we all decided we were gonna do the party in the unused office from the beginning of school until afterwards, so no one has to take a ride or jump through any loops or-
Me: No, you don't understand what I'm-
F: Hey, originally I wasn't so confortable on going with these guys, but now that I know you're coming, I feel a lot more confident about it.
Me: Wait! I'm-
Then they all scurried off to class. Despite my best efforts to explain, they all think I'm coming, have stuff reserved for me and everything, and are even trying to get other people to join by saying that I, MYSELF will be there.
WIBTA if I say no to these guys?
TL;DR Some old friends of mine shove a DnD invitation at me, prepare the party as if I'll be there, and no matter what I said they wouldn't take a no that wasn't rude or over-assertive. Now everyone thinks I'm going to something I feel I can't go to because of my busy schedule.
Edit: Didn't go. Few people got mad. Whatever. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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tsLV7kfP4d3D495xsgqXdke3c5B8QShQ | axtfx3 | {
"description": "being called a cheater, we weren't exclusive",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA Being called a cheater, we weren’t exclusive | For background “Dan” and I met through a mutual friend about a month before we started seeing each other. Dan had expressed interest in me, but I clearly told him I wasn’t looking for anything serious and that I was also seeing someone else, to which he responded that he was okay with that for the time being. I had been non-exclusively seeing “Andrew” for almost two years at this point and though I didn’t plan on being exclusive with Andrew, I wasn’t ready to end things with him yet.
One night after hanging out with Andrew (which ended in a hookup), Dan invited me over. I agreed, and went to his house where he initiated a hookup. I told him that I had just seen Andrew before this and I felt like it would be disrespectful to Dan if I didn’t inform him of that. Dan told me that though he wasn’t happy about that, he still liked me and that he wanted to be exclusive with me if I was willing to end things with Andrew. I told him I wasn’t ready to be exclusive and that I needed time to end things with Andrew because we had been friends for so long.
Flash forward a couple weeks later and Dan hasn’t talked to me other than to tell me to return his hat which he left in my car. I realize that I am ready to end things with Andrew for Dan if Dan is okay with that. After returning his hat, I give Dan an apology letter where I tell him that I’m sorry if I hurt his feelings and that if he is still interested in me, I will end things with Andrew. Dan tells me that he needs time to think about it.
Two weeks later I find out from a friend (who doesn’t know him personally) that he is telling people that I cheated on him. While I am sad to hear that he’s saying that about me, I ignore it because I still have feelings for him. That same day, I call him to ask if he has thought about my letter. He tells me that he has thought about it and he wants to pursue me. The next day I end things with Andrew. It takes a toll on me emotionally because I have been close with Andrew for so long, but I hold myself together because I am happy that I can start seeing Dan again.
However, after 1 or 2 times of seeing each other, Dan starts to ignore me. I hear that he is still telling people (including my friends, who aren’t friends with him) that I cheated on him. In fact, I hear that I am a cheater from so many people that I ask his best friend, (who we are both friends with), to confirm this. His friend says that it’s true that Dan is saying these things but that he (the friend) knows it’s not true. When I try to confront him about it, he gets defensive and refuses to have a conversation with me.
TL;DR: I am tired of hearing from people that I am a cheater because I had made it clear to Dan that we weren’t exclusive. I feel bad for being with two people in a short period of time, but I don’t feel like I was entirely in the wrong and it doesn’t warrant being labeled as a cheater if they were both aware of each other.
| HISTORICAL | {
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O74dbNuXbWMQWZAuNasUiolEeVTt7E5J | b531w2 | {
"description": "leaving a friend that tells other friends to leave me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for leaving a friend that tells other friends to leave me? | So I have a friend, who I get in arguments alot and he basically uses me for codes (Fallout 3, Nintendo Switch Online, ect) but whenever I ask anything for example: I ask for a crisp "Uh, no u/Indianaliam1, piss off" he gets really grouchy when I swear despite him swearing like a sailor, and when we get in any arguments at all he will tell all my other friends to ignore me, and they do. I am considering getting a new friend and leaving him. So, reddit, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
o0FmtLCFbLSFkrAmeJra8psvSYHuvM8J | ai1yjh | {
"description": "being mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being mad at my friend? | I was going through a really depressive state and I was suicidal. He kept telling me to shut up even though I asked for permission before I asked to talk about it. It was really unpleasant.
And even after I did shut up about it, he attempted to make me promise I'd never talk about it again.
When all that was said and done, he texted me 10 or so minutes later because he was worried his parents would see a hickey on his neck. He acted like nothing happened so I just stopped answering and said I fell asleep. (I texted him at 10pm) He was upset that I left him hanging, what should I do? Am I the Asshole for leaving him on read and getting upset? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2Ekpy62in3cn1wwqrSG3x3AcDfgUCczv | 9ws5ad | {
"description": "telling a girl she is harming our class atmosphere",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a girl she is harming our class atmosphere (in the class group chat)? | We have a weird class project in our school, every class has a theme and they decorate the class accordingly. It all ends in a school trip where we build a bunch stuff.
So today the "manger" for the project said(in the class group chat) that she is dissapointed because a lot of people didn't stay to help decorate on the last day. I responded by saying I think people can choose to not stay no matter what it's a choice, some people have higher priorities. Then it escalated to a huge argument and I said she is harming our class atmosphere by verbally assulted half of our class.
She then said that people are calling her very mean things and that she doesn't care if people call he Hitler, Bitch or anything else(no one did).
I then wrote to her privately that I'm sorry if she got offended but I still hold true to my statement. She told me she cried and that I should enjoy a peaceful life or In your case a cold sad life because you're a miserable person,and idont ever want to talk to you.
Sorry if this with bad grammar or something I'm writing in a hurry and on mobile. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
OxNBShaOUEuGtvatM9GndZsQ2mOVSnLI | a8rlc1 | {
"description": "abruptly quitting a job at a family business",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I abruptly quit a job at a family business | So for some context, my uncle owns about 50ish prepaid phone stores.
(This isn't really relevant, just giving a full picture)
I needed a job, and I needed one fast. He offered me a job and I took it, no questions asked
(Regretting that now) for starters, the job is a bit of an incontinent commute. About 35-45 minutes depending on traffic. Which may not sound like a lot, but on minimum wage that's murder on gas money. The working conditions are pretty decent, I work in the back mostly putting in orders, keeping track of shipments, handling email's, etc, etc. Here's the problem though. Since I'm technically not officially on payroll, so I don't get direct deposit. My paycheck has been late on more than one occasion, and as of today it's two weeks late because the stores accounts are negative. I'm on vacation right now, so I'm out of state. That being said, I'm owed two weeks worth of pay. I'm a broke 20 year old and can't put up with inconsistencies like that. So when I get back home, I'm thinking about just quitting right then and there and finding another job. It would be a lot easier if it weren't family, but here we are.
TL;DR
I took a job my uncle offered me out of desperation and have had my paycheck be late one too many times, but I'd feel like an asshole quitting a family job so abruptly | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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JYlpQ8jhjNZX8adA8C46z0rtIz6Ddb1W | 9uljqa | {
"description": "not wanting to share a room with a mentally handicapped person",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to share a room with a mentally handicapped person? | Back story, I am backpacking in Thailand and staying in a hostel. I am in a 6 bed dorm and there is a family of 4 staying in there one of which is a severely mentally and physically handicapped man. He is always screaming and smells of vomit. I don't know actually what is wrong with him, but I would guess a few things. I don't understand why they aren't just sharing a room together. I couldn't sleep and of course I feel sorry for him but I didn't sign up for this either. I don't know if I should even talk to the receptionist for fear of being the asshole. Help? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
YQUlPYCFmaRVRxNRjhKjFWB9JycJBfcW | b7rehq | {
"description": "calling out my grandmother for not watching children she insists on bringing in to our house",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling out my grandmother for not watching children she insists on bringing in to our house? | Mandatory apology for formatting and spelling because on I’m mobile.
Tldr at the bottom
The story is basically me and my mother live with my grand parents because we had a bad string of luck a few years back and are having trouble getting back on our feet, my two aunts on the other hand do not and each have children under the age of five. Three and four respectively. I’m fresh out of high school and still deciding what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I work full time and help around the house as often as I can. I love my baby cousins but they are hard to deal with and are very unruly children, my mother also has trouble watching them because she has a bum leg and arthritis in most joints. So watching the children isn’t the easiest task for us, and most sundays after my grandmother takes the babies to church she brings them back home and drops them on me and my mother to watch even though we didn’t agree to it. Then she just goes to bed. Today I was fed up with it because my mother fell in the hall while trying to chase one of the kids and told my grandmother that what’s the point of bringing the kids here to grandmas if she’s not doing even going to watch them. She got extremely angry and said I was an ungrateful asshole and screamed at the kids to stop running around. So am I the asshole here?
TLDR: grandmother brings children to house to visit, pawns them off on me and my mother while she naps instead.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
dqVSNrTxP1XNLwUdbYAIWale4JWAmgDC | arj04v | {
"description": "wanting a prenup",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting a prenup | Sorry for the format, I am using the mobile.
So a brief background. My gf (27) and I (28) have been together for 5 years and have talked about marriage more recently. Since than I've been thinking about getting a prenup as a precaution if there is ever a divorce. I don't think we will ever get a divorce but life happens and a statistics of 50% of marriages doesn't help at all.
During a time together I managed to graduate college at 25 with 40k in student loans debt and a car payment. I paid it all off in 1.5 years by working 3 jobs, the first is my current employer, the 2nd was retail, and the 4th rideshare (uber & lyft which I count as one). It was brutal and caused alot of arguments and tension with her and I to where we were a roller coaster and ended up breaking up for 3 months but ended up getting back together. I did try my best spend time with her and she understood why I was doing this but was putting me down constantly. I ignored the insults because I knew she was frustrated that we werent spending enough time together. I managed to pay off that debt but as well accumulate a good chunk of savings. I kept this routine for another 6 months to where I saved up enough to buy a home and invest in my retirement. While she really never cared about paying off her debt, which annoys me but I let it slide because we've argued before.
I ended up quitting the retail job and still have the rideshare just for extra cash. I spent months trying to find the perfect home, by looking online and meeting with realtors, I tried getting her involved but after the first day of house hunting she said she doesn't like doing this. So I did this solo. I ended up purchasing a home with my name on the contract and mortgage. Everything is under my name from the mortgage to utilities while my gf buys half of the food.
After discussing marriage I started thinking about all the hard work and sacrifices I made to get to where I'm at and what I accomplished. I started reading horror stories (I know bad idea) of how people lost everything in divorces and I fear that if we ended up divorced that all my hard work would be taken away. This morning we talked again a out marriage and she brought up divorce and the stats and situations on that. I brought up the prenup (as a hypothetical question) and she went ballistic and accused me of not trusting her which, is false I do trust her with anything (but I don't trust her with finances because she says she doesn't care, thank god I didn't tell her that). We haven't talked since this morning so I have to think AITA for wanting to protect my investments? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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SLPm8YpqGHOXkPGFFYCg9LSCVn4CFZwo | b4jw7h | {
"description": "wanting to sell a painting to a higher bidder",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for wanting to sell a painting to a higher bidder? |
Soooo... First time on reddit...
My Father in Law, after moving to the UK, left some shite at our house with the instruction to "Get rid of it."
There's a painting with depicting two South African politicians, its satirical and what not.
He had gotten the painting from the artist in lieu of rent... Ironically... I'm selling it back to him for exactly the same reason.
I think its cursed.
Anyway. in February. I put the painting up for auction as the artist is well known and there is a republican dude from Florida who is willing to pay $1500 for it.... I used the Art gallery to Auction it to handle the legal side and the shipping because they have insurance and then I don't have to deal with paperwork... I hate paperwork.
The artist was notified by the Art Gallery and he found my contact details and asked if he could buy the painting privately, as it is one of his first paintings and it holds sentimental value... I'm an artist myself and I know how hard it is to let go of your baby... so I agree and we both agree on ZAR 9000 (about $ 621,01)...
He agreed, I sent him an invoice and... we agreed he would pay a week before the 25th and I would wrap and store the painting for him till he is back in the province and I can either deliver it or he collects it. I'm an artist myself... this is not abnormal.
So the agreed upon date of payment comes... my rent is due in a week and... HE ghosts me. I have to borrow money to pay my rent.
He comes back like the 2nd of March saying his friend thinks that I'm asking too much and then asks for a cheaper price.
I unfortunately had a huge project and a crazy deadline and only responded a week later, I apologised and... I'm an artist too... I know how rough it is out here. tell him I agree to the price.
He gh0sts me again...
So... I sent him a message on all his platforms and an email and a text AND a whatsapp... that if he does not get back to me by the 18th of march, I am sending the painting back to Auction where I know my american client is just lusting for this artwork. $1500...
Same day he responds that he wants it and will pay Tuesday the 19th once his client pays him for a recent show and once again... I agree and tell him once his payment clears in my account (and after I move it to avoid a payment reversal) I will have the painting delivered...
Tuesday came and went... wednesday was human rights day and Thursday he sends messages to apologise that his client is being stubborn... I say that I understand and hope it gets resolved soon.
its Saturday... my whatsapp messages are unread...delivered, but unread... my calls to him are not going through...
Am I being an asshole or should I sell his beloved painting to the racist republican for $1500.
I may be an artist but I need to feed my family and keep a roof over my head.
Honestly, I want this cursed painting gone... I'm gonna burn sage now.
Please don't roast me too much.
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
NcGjA4nH8VE20o1Z4nYT7q4Y3xvTaQe2 | b4xfaa | {
"description": "cancelling an employee shift",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cancelling an employee shift? | Hello reddit, I need some insight in this situation.
Some context: I'm the co-owner of a computer/copy center and we are quite popular in the area, we even have 2 locations and so we employ people to cover the shifts we(owners) can't.
This week I had lined up Employee (E from now on) to work on sunday morning and he was getting 1.5x pay 'cause weekend. We discussed his salary and schedule beforehand and we agreed on a time, E was to work from 8:30 am to 4:30 pm.
And so comes sunday and I go to open the location E was to work in (I even opened it at 8:15 am in case he came early), but I had to leave at 9 am. So I was waiting for he to come but he didn't showed up at 9:05 am and so I closed and left.
Now at 9:30 am I received a call that E was on second location (not the one he was supposed to work in) and that he was ready to start his shift. I told co-owner to dismiss him 'cause I had already closed primary location.
Now E is mad at me 'cause he had to make a 10 miles round trip and lost his pay for that day.
Am I the Asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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GOoUY7f6U2gdU6cbQD1e6JSTXDwcPKkN | a8vngc | {
"description": "having sex with drunk girls",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for having sex with drunk girls? | I want to start this off saying I've had, and still don't, no problem with people whom I've done this with. Most were known to me for at least few weeks before we've done it, for obvious reasons. Didn't want any regret to turn into ruining of my life. But recently few of my friends have accused me of taking advantage of those girls and raping them when the subject was brought into the conversation. I feel like i should mention I'm a guy.
It was often that both of us were drunk, but there were occasions where I was 100% sober and they weren't and vice versa. As sex while drunk goes, sometimes it was too long with lots of painful jaws, uncomfortable, slow, messy and so on. But newer non consensual. None of them were to the point of passing out, not knowing whats happening or unable to communicate. If they were, nothing would happen. Some were pretty persistent and sometimes forceful, but it was easy to hold them till they would eventually tire themselves out. So nothing would really happen.
Of course they got more relaxed while being drunk and wouldn't probably have it while sober or try the things they did in the bedroom. There is no denying that, alcohol does that. Want to mention i never pressured or encouraged them to drink more so that i could get laid. See no point in that.
As mentioned I've been labeled as rapist by those people and that is really disturbing to hear. To me this is not even close to that.
So Reddit, AITA (or worse) for having drunken sex?
P.S messy grammar, sorry. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
cNlXPKtfGhiN1B8x2EAQL7eCULwpjoxX | az6gwz | {
"description": "stoping helping my friend apply for uni",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I stoped helping my friend apply for uni? | My best friend,Ellie, is applying to uni this year. I applied and started uni last year. We are also in the UK.
Last year I applied when our school told me , and my year which included her, to apply and was helped by them. I attended uni open days with my family and applied to uni and student finance by myself.
Ellie refused the schools help last year. And has refused to go to them for help this year because they will just shout at her and not help her. I know they would help her and wont shout at her for needing help but they would kinda shout at her for other things like her bellow 50% attendance.
Now ive been to uni open days and im going to look at accommodations with her. Ive also already helped her on how to apply for uni and ive answered her questions on how to apply for finance to the best of my ability. But i feel like these are things she should be doing herself, given how i was able to do them myself last year.
I still helped her, but the turning point just happened, and it may seem small and trivia but for me its not, which is why im finally asking here.
After asking me several question on student finance, some rather obvious ones, she got to the section where she needs to put down the contact info for 2 people that dont live with her.
I know she has people to put down but shes just complained that she could only put one down and after 15 mins asked if she could put me or our other friend down instead.
This was kinda the line for me, idk why, but i said no. She needs to put her family down. I think shes settled on her grandad, but she also knows all my contact info so she could have just put me down and not told me which is something i wouldent put past her.
Side notes-
Most of the other things shes asked me can be easily googled too. Like last night she asked me what other accommodations are near me, this is something she could have easily googled but chose not to. Ive asked her a coupleof times before why she didnt just google them, and shes said variations of 'i just couldent be bothered'.
Also (i know im TA for this) but i dont think shes going to get into any the unis shes applied for and will enter through clearing due to how low her grades are, and she will ask for my help even though i wouldn't be able to help her. I also think that if she gets accepted to the uni i live by shes going to ask me questions about the uni that we both know i cant answer.
This has personally been a long time coming and I could easily write a 'wibta is i stoped being friends with her'. Also throw away because she knows my main.
TL/DR
My friend is applying to uni. She keeps asking me questions about applying most of which can be answered by a quick google search or by asking teachers at school.
WIBTA if i stoped helping her and just telling her to ask someone else or google the answer? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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flDRgDEnfxTiTPggfk5niIrUDsjzwkNl | b05ihg | {
"description": "talking to a couple women at once but not dating any",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for talking to a couple women at once but not dating any | Title pretty much says it all, I've been taking to a few women as of late and my friend caught word and was pretty heated saying I was leading these women on even though i made my intentions clear from the start.
My intentions from the start were to get to know said women and not make any decisions until I figured out who's the better idk condiate? (I don't like using the word)
My friend keeps telling me I'm leading them on when the way I see it is I'm just trying to figure stuff out. I wanna meet miss awesome before I make a decision. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AyV35mg6DjSiClbjEzXl0ehr1pICwYQB | aur0km | {
"description": "threatning to leave me so",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for threatning to leave me SO | So I am 22M and my SO is 19F. I am for the most part an introverte. I don't often enjoy going out and drinking I hate when people yell and are confrontational. My SO is a very angry drunk whenever she drinks she yells at our friends and I. She gets upset about very petty things and screams at me that I am a terrible BF without giving me any explanation whatsover what I did that she did not like. Every time this happens she always apologizes and begs me to forgive her the next day and she just says it was only because she was drunk. I told her that I would leave her if she ever drinks again because I am always unhappy with her when she drinks and pressumebly she is very unhappy when she drinks as well. AITA for controlling her behavior? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
kMm5ZZd5nX4YCGv2FV0tyctPkx6WWqb9 | a0r4dj | {
"description": "wanting a new sexual partner",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For wanting a new sexual partner? | I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about a year (both women). She is my first GF and our relationship is incredible. Aside from a few small arguments we’ve had in the past our relationship has been pretty peaceful, except for the one we had a couple nights ago. We were laying in bed when she asked me what I thought about our sex life. She thinks that it’s perfect and with good reason; I always make sure she enjoys it. I’ve never had a hard time making her cum and she’s always very into it. At the beginning of our relationship I studied her body and tried new things in bed every time so that I could figure out what would immediately get her going and also find out the things she didn’t like so I could refrain from doing them. I feel like that’s the bare minimum a spouse should do because sex should be an experience that both people enjoy.
However, when it’s her turn to return the favor she either (1) Falls Asleep, (2) Half-Asses the job, or (3) completely avoids it altogether. She has never made me cum once. Now, she has mentioned that I’m the first girl she has ever had sex with so she doesn’t really know what to do. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and just assumed she was nervous. After all, she’s the first girl I’ve ever had sex with too and I was nervous as hell our first night together. But the only way I got over that fear was by practicing. I’ve tried everything from guiding her through it to boosting her confidence. I even suggested she search up different ways to satisfy me so that she can find something she’s completely comfortable with. Each to no avail. She knows how badly I want it too and teases me about it often. She’ll say stuff like “Do _____ for me first and then I’ll make you cum.” I always fall for it and Every. Single. Time. There is some sort of excuse.
Eventually, the lack of intimacy on her end made me extremely self-conscious and I started wondering if maybe I just wasn’t attractive enough to her. We had just had sex right before she asked me the question and yet again it ended only when SHE was happy with it. So, when answering how I felt about our sex life I was completely honest and said that I was glad I was able to fulfill her needs but I often felt left out and self-conscious afterwards because she either never offers to return the favor or she does but then can’t quite finish the job. I was so angry that in the heat of the moment I suggested that maybe I should just find a new sexual partner. I made it clear that the person would only be there for my sexual needs and would in no way impose on our relationship. She, herself, has suggested something similar because she has been in a polyamorous relationship before. At first I said no but now I think that’s something I need at this point. She got very upset and said that what I said was hurtful and rude. I was only telling the truth. I know sex isn’t the only thing to seek in a relationship but it’s an important part of it. It’s unfair to me that only one of us is enjoying it. Should I have just kept my mouth shut??? | HISTORICAL | {
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1oVtD4wE4kyiD5OLh0qrIYyTjadRHzJy | b35a1i | {
"description": "taking a neighbor's laundry out of the dryer and putting my own in",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking a neighbor’s laundry out of the dryer and putting my own in? | I put a load of dirty work clothes I need for tomorrow in my apartment buildings empty washer at 5:15 pm tonight when I got home from work, and came back to move them over half an hour later. When I opened the dryer, I saw another person’s load of laundry and then noticed the other empty clothes basket, so I closed the door and let it be.
I figured if I gave the other person some time they’d come get their laundry and open up the dryer. There’s only one washer and one dryer for our apartment building so I couldn’t just put my clothes in another machine.
I gave it an hour and went back, but the clothes were still there, so I told myself I’d eat dinner and check again. At 8:20 I went back down to the laundry room and clothes were still there. I need my clothes for tomorrow and I go to bed early because I wake up early for work and didn’t want to stay up late waiting. Plus the dryer is notorious for not drying clothes fully.
So I put the other person’s clothes in their hamper as carefully as I could, making sure not to touch their delicates. I put my load in the dryer and am now waiting the hour it takes to dry.
I’ve had to do this before when I was in college so I thought no big deal, but AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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Okvj7A9wlfOz5pGUlDtmypB8Mqu6Ox1y | a37owj | {
"description": "not passing a turning vehicle",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not passing a turning vehicle? | I'm thinking the other driver is an asshole, but maybe I was actually in the wrong?
I was driving on a road at a part where it merges from two lanes into one. I'm in the right lane because I know the left lane ends. I was behind a vehicle that was turning right, I wasn't in a hurry or anything so I just slow down as they slow down so that they can turn and after that I can be on my way (instead of going into the left lane to pass because there's still enough room to do that). During this time there is another vehicle behind me, also slowing down.
The vehicle in front hardly begins turning when a fourth vehicle behind all of us speeds past in the left lane, blaring their horn (Honker).
This really confused me because... Why? Why were they honking?
1. Everyone has to slow down if there's a vehicle in front of you that has to turn.
2. Did they want me to pass on the left instead of slowing down? But then Honker would have had to slow down anyway because I'd be changing lanes and getting in front of them, right?
2b. Or I wouldn't have had time to get into the left lane to pass because Honker was going so fast.
Why were they honking? Was there something I/we should have done differently? | HISTORICAL | {
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HmPo7FJTGuMcD6HCl48Z16aC34CzMRvX | aoefyv | {
"description": "not wanting to be the shoulder to cry on",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to be the shoulder to cry on? | I have a colleague who rains down every single problem she ever has on me and I hate it. Everyday it's always bitching about something. I've always been nice about it but I really can't keep this on for a while. I guess there's a reason people pay for therapists, because they get paid to listen to their shit.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
bJiu5dpuum5IAqxiFmV93tQKy6eQiXvl | 9yon8k | {
"description": "jerking off to my classmates insta accounts",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for jerking off to my classmates insta accounts? | I don’t make a point to do it or anything it’s just that the girls at my school are really hot lol.
Am I creepy for doing this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
izjW7pJprSuXIO9sAGbtFT50qAJ1wNZV | ajav8y | {
"description": "deciding to ditch a trip with my group of friends",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA that I decided to ditch a trip with my group of friends. | Some backstory: We are a group of university students at our final year, and we planned to have a graduation trip at the end of May.
Initially this trip only involves 5 of us. Let's call my friends A, B, C and C's girlfriend, D. It all went well initially as we discussed the places to visit, accommodatios, flight departure and return date and time. Few days after, B decided to invite two of his girl friends,E and F, that A and I are not familiar with . At the beginning we are like "sure, why not maybe it will be fun with more people". But we were wrong, both E, F actually don't like out initial agreed return dates and wish to extend our trip from 5 days 4 nights to 8 days 7 nights. Mind that we are all student and most of us are tight in budget (well, me in particular).
So, discussion was held to discuss the return date and time. After some argument, we finally settled for 8days 7 nights (yeah *sarcastic* ).
Ffw to the day we booked our flight tickets, it causes some scene since E don't want to pay for baggage check in for the departure flight, which made A and I very annoyed as we are not familiar with them in the first place and causes so much trouble.
Another than the baggage matter, there are still some other arguments, big and small, shits like that. Which all settled unhappily.( it is lengthy already so I'm not gonna explain in detail, please don't cast the "alright then, keep ur secret " meme on me, I'm tired :( )
Ffw to 2 days ago, A called me and told me about our return date is changed by the airline company, making our trip become 9 days 8 nights and say this is our chance to cancel the flight and get a refund ( I don't know if it's true) .
We told B our intention to quit this trip and he say he is fine with it, but ignored our message since that day. AITA?
Summary : Decided to ditch a trip after one of the member invite 2 other friend that causes so much troubles and argument in our group, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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vpjlKaPdJP5AqYY7PSKsxX5LkKHwwsgp | ax5v34 | {
"description": "not knowing",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not knowing? | Sorry for any spelling/gramma mistakes. I am Not an native speaker.
At First some Background:
My mother has a server depression for a very Long Time that was Just detected a few years ago. My whole childhood she was very easly angered, got upset about things she thought I said but never did and guilted me for making her upset.
I also have a little brother who was never realy targeted but more protected by her causing him to never fully understand my resentment against our Mom.
While he was very clingy to our mother, because she would Always find ways to Put the guilt on me instead of him, i was more drawn to my father who was good in keeping his calm and tryed to Always listen to all sides and mediate between us.
Now to the incident:
For a while My Mom and i were on relative good terms not being in a fight for months when Something the proclaimed set me Off.
I am Not sure what exactly it was because it is now a year ago. I think it was Something about my father, because of what ensued Afterwards.
She must have Said something nasty/in a nasty tone and i responded that I sided with hime because the last 18 years he mostly had to Break down drama mostly ensued by her with her Kids (us) wich must have been exhausting.
Suddenly my Brother snapped: You always protect our father eventhough he is a very very Bad PERSON FOR CHEATING ON OUR MOM!
This was the first time I ever heard about this.
He proceeded to keep cussing me and saying very nasty stuff to me but i stopped listening.
Turns out my father indeed cheated on my mom some years ago. They talked with my little Brother about it but Not me.
My Brother IS still angry with me for Not knowing and blames be for not knowing.
I on the Otherhand cannot Trust this Family anymore.
Am I the asshole?
Btw: they forgot to tell me my Uncle died. My granny told me 3 weeks after and was shocked that i didnt know. So this aint a First. | HISTORICAL | {
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FLTiyBVprAJMXNsKAcUp1asNXJ68QqEa | a12pyo | {
"description": "wanting to know if my theater teacher always get angry before a show",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to know if my theater teacher always get angry before a show? | Please excuse spelling I'm on mobile. So first off I would like to let everyone know that I am in a theater program and it was two days before the show starts (it starts on the 29th) and we had beed rehearsing since after lunch until 5:30. Some kids were whispering during the rehearsal and some others were on their phone backstage. I wasn't on my phone or talking unless I was telling someone else to be quiet.
Our theater teacher (who we will call R) was angry at people for not paying attention. R might have just been stressed, but so were we and being yelled at after finishing a two hour show rehearsal was not what we needed. My friend, who we will call J, was there too and after he had finished yelling at everyone I asked her, and I quote, "does he always get like this before a show?", and she called me an asshole. Please don't say anything mean about J because she is still my friend, and R was just stressed. So Reddit AITA?
TLDR: My theater teacher yelled at us two days before a show and I asked my friend if he always gets like this before a show, and my friend called me an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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XT2H5ISFDjF8IYBZ2dWPHctsudSFTw7H | akhsmk | {
"description": "not telling a friend she's getting fired from work",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I don't tell a friend she's getting fired from work? | I want to give you some background so you can get a sense of the relationship I have with my coworker, Mary.. we've gotten really close in the past 2 years and I've come to consider her a friend. When we first started talking she told me she has depression and suicidal tendencies.. I've tried to be there for her, tried to get her into yoga, tried to get her to cheer up and look on the bright side of things.
We mostly chat at work and I think she's a good person. Her Facebook persona though... She's always complaining and ranting, but I never go on Facebook so that has never been a big deal for me..
Well, my dad got really sick this past May, he was told by the doctors that he wouldn't make it till November. He's doing fine now but I was freaking out, and when I told Mary about this, I was expecting for her to tell me that everything would be fine, some sort of advise on how to keep my cool, but instead she said something along the lines of "that's rough" and never again has asked me about how my dad is doing. I started cutting her off after that.. I wouldn't invite her over or decline her invitations, at work we started having arguments about videogames and movies and I didn't really care to tell her about important stuff because I felt she wouldn't be there for me..
Last weekend there was a petrol pipeline explosion in central Mexico (that's where we live in) and 114 people died while stealing the petrol. I happened to open Facebook (which I very rarely do) and I saw my feed was full of her comments along the lines of "they had it coming!" "I love happy endings!" "They deserved to die!", I unfollowed her and thought to myself.. what the hell is wrong with Mary :s
So we didn't speak at all on Monday, and on Tuesday she asked me about my day and then soon after she started raging on how stupid the population is and how she drives so much better than the average driver and I had enough, so I told her to stop her Facebook rants and to stop ranting to everyone, because that just keeps spreading the hate and it's doing her more damage than anyone else.. she started crying and then a few minutes later she thanked me for telling her this, said I was such a good friend and.. I actually felt pretty bad for imposing my opinion on her and making her cry..
Well.. yesterday I overheard my boss saying that she's getting fired (for using profanity on a corporate email)... I'm not sure she'd ever find out that I knew beforehand but I don't know if I should tell her or not.. I feel like she would go on a rant on FB and tell everyone I spilled the beans.. but on the other hand I feel like a terrible friend for not telling her..
What do you think? WIBTA if I don't tell her?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
OfpaOrLkndV8mk0PUjNv1eh18QjtFwyz | ba8s0d | {
"description": "engineering my social interactions for effect",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for engineering my social interactions for effect? | I was diagnosed as an adult with autism spectrum disorder and schizoid personality. Schizoid personality basically means that I experience a restricted range of emotions and have what's known as a blunted affect, what emotions I do experience are to a much lesser extent than what is typical. Also, whatever part of the brain that makes social interactions a smooth and reflexive "stimulus and response" affair for most people seems to be nonfunctional in my particular brain.
Every one of my social interactions cause me to have to think about every response I make, nothing flows naturally. This is rather mentally taxing, with conversations being more like puzzles. But one benefit of never reacting to others based on my internal brainstate is that I can instead tailor my responses based on my understanding of the other person's internal brainstate. I can react to others based on what they need to hear rather than based on what I need to say, and I'm pretty well practiced at deciphering what people need to hear.
I spent my formative years dealing with an abusive father, so my wellbeing was based on how he was feeling at any given time. I got really good at reading any subtle indicators that would clue me in to how he was feeling, including things as subtle as the sound of his footsteps. Because of this, I got quite good at reading people and their body language. I've also found that personality traits tend to cluster together in entire constellations of traits, and recognizing one can allow me to intuit the presence of the others, with a good degree of accuracy.
Most people feel under-appreciated, and I've no shame about expressing appreciation so I do it all the time, even though I'm not really feeling it. Making myself the source of someone's validation and appreciation creates a dependency and keeps my interactions with that person positive and stress free. Many people are starved for it.
I'm always outwardly positive, appreciative, and validating of other people around me because it's just as easy for me to be that way as it is for me to be any other way. In conversation with people I mirror their emotions about the things they care about. It's not real but it makes them feel good, and gives them a positive feeling about me. I know this is manipulative, but anything I do or say would be a show, I'm basically a tabula rasa. I don't feel badly about this but I'm curious about other people's perception of this when I lay it all out as honestly as I'm able.
I think all animals are evolved to take maximum advantage of their environment which includes people, and our inherited social behaviors are how we evolve to take maximum advantage of the other people in our environment. With me I think there's just no layer of emotional programming obfuscating this fact. So AITA for faking my way through social encounters entirely based on the end result I prefer? | HISTORICAL | {
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gY6e0KdmC2LtEWbaiCPNddaYS7Elfn7T | arooe9 | {
"description": "leading on a guy who I lost interest in after he attempted suicide",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leading on a guy who I lost interest in after he attempted suicide? | When I was a Sophomore in high school I started talking to a guy who went to middle school with me and we kinda hit off well. After some time has gone by we got closer and he came out and told me about his failing mental health and how he constantly thinks about attempting suicide but can't come to do it. After that he told me he promised me to never try again which made me happy for the moment.
FFW Two weeks later he hasn't showed up to class for a solid 3 months which had me worrying that he may have killed himself. I try to text and call him but to no avail. Next thing I know I get a call from him and he told me he tried to hang himself and his parents caught him in the act. He was then sent to some mental health camp thing for those 3 months. I was pissed but I didn't want to tell him because I feared it'd trigger him to want to do it again. So for the time he was back I pretended to be still into him despite me losing interest because I felt I was stabbed in the back. He didn't know til I told him 2 months later. He was devastated but he understood why.
I left out some details and stuff because it was long ago so sorry if there's some confusing parts but ask questions
Am I the asshole for leading him on? | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Gd4eLEosizuW7sc3mJK6cemMy2NlDDTt | ad250c | {
"description": "not lending money to my mother",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not lending money to my mother | My mom recently asked me to lend her 1000 dollars again, even though 3 months ago she asked for 1000 dollars. I gave it to her and it took her 3 months to pay all of it back. This time, I lied and I only have 400 dollars (I'm currently a college student) and she got pissed off saying that I was lying. I asked why she needed the money and she said she spent her money (on shopping) and forgot she had bills to pay. I told her that she needs to be more responsible and she got pissed off saying "You don't tell me how to live my life." Another thing to add is she gives me $20 every now and then and I tell her I don't want it. She says "I GIVE IT TO YOU, SO YOU CAN HOLD IT FOR ME AND GIVE IT BACK TO ME WHEN I NEED IT." I said "I don't even want the money and what is the point in you giving me money if you're just gonna take it back." The conversation ended there, I feel bad because she is my mom, but then again she's a fucking grown adult that forgets basic shit like paying the bill. She said "She doesn't have time to go to the bank," to get her money. It's just annoying when she ask for that much money at one time (Which is basically all the money I have). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TDTzZd9EvercnRGybcFWdcHHIaVpwkty | atqof4 | {
"description": "not wanting to accept my parents \"Gift\" anymore",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to accept my parents "Gift" anymore. | So let me just start by giving you guys a little background. I'm currently 20 years old and in my 3rd year of college. Growing up seemed pretty regular with the exception of a very emotional abusive father and stockholmed syndrome mother (Married 32 years). We weren't always really well off on money but my father's business slowly got better and during my years through highschool we lived pretty comfortable. They could definitely afford college for me but I really didn't want to go to school on their dime. Although this might seem or be really prideful. I have just recognized throughout life that the things I don't buy or earn , I don't appreciate. There is also an awesome feeling when completing something you did by yourself. It was the last semester of my senior year at highschool and after hearing another one of my parents fights (They got pretty bad/abusive) I tried to make it clear I wanted to pay for college on my own. When telling my mother (The one I feel more comfortable talking to) she told me " Listen, don't fuck up the last 17 years I spent suffering for you". I was really bothered but decided to take the money to appease everyone. Don't get me wrong I notice the sacrifice my parents made for me growing up but I don't believe that I should be forced to take "gifts". Fast forward a year , Im a freshman in college. I come home and stay with my parents for the break. During which another arguement/fight happens between my mom and my dad and I happen to get caught in the middle of it. My dad depersonalizes pretty quick and will cut anyone who is in his sight down. He told me while hitting the top of his shoulders sarcastically with his hand " I spend alot of money every year for you to go to school and it sits right on my fucking neck".( My tuition isn't more than 5% of my parents income) " I wish you'd had never come home". This infuriates me because I didn't want his fucking money in the first place. Everything I have ever gotten from them has seems to come locked with a ball and chain. Now, present day I'm in my third year because I keep telling my self It wont matter as long as I graduate. I have this overwhelming dread that I'm not able to do things my way and that they will contribute my degree to themselves and that I wont feel as if I have earned my degree. There are multiple instances where I'm reminded by the both of them of the financial "burden" I seem to be and how ungrateful I am to ask if I can do it on my own. My siblings tell me that I'm spoiled and that I should count my blessings. They also tell me that I would never be able to do it. I do want to go to school and prosper in my respective field (nursing) but I wanted to do it on my own terms. ( I know its hard, but I know I can do it.) Am I the asshole? Also I have no individual money and I wouldn't know what to do If I did make a decision to leave this money behind. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
54KVaK9PFAlMQrNkX7jk3du7l2SUdJoX | b1vp6r | {
"description": "saying my friends should be worried about our overweight friend if they're going to be worried about me being anorexic",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for saying my friends should be worried about our overweight friend if they’re gonna be worried about me being anorexic... | I’ve lost quite a lot of weight in the last 6 months and now my friends are saying they’re really worried and calling me anorexic. We had an argument yesterday because they kept saying I needed to eat and I looked like I was dying. I got really angry and said why are you constantly going on at me when Alexa is overweight...why don’t you ever say you’re worried for her health and tell her to stop eating?
She told me to fuck off and stormed and apparently was crying. All the girls called me bitch and basically aren’t talking to me. I messaged alexa saying I was sorry but that it was complete double standards the way they all go on about my weight but say nothing to her, she messaged me back saying ‘maybe cause I don’t look like I’m about to drop dead’.
I’m basically not talking to any of them now but I feel like I didn’t do anything wrong and they’re being really hypocritical. AITA or what? I apologised for hurting her feelings but none of them have apologised to me | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 31
} | WRONG |
8xpAD50tIGi5RFHaywgprw03SNbWG45p | aiwnw4 | null | AITA have a relationship between friendship and a couple | Have a relationship between friendship and a couple
I have a friend for approximately 2 years and like at the end of the first year of us she turned out to confess loving me. There's no problem in it because i'd been loving her since, but she said that we couldn't be ''us'' in the way i think due to her purposes about university and future. There's no problem in it also, i want her to be successful as she deserves and dont want to be a hindrance. But we had a big fight about it and she said she had millions of reasons she doesn't want to go out with me, said there's her stereotypical beliefs of her about having a boy friend in high school bc its ridiculous and ''not a real thing''. However i accepted this excuse for I don't want to lose her friendship - which is very special to me but sometimes I really jealous of her. She is talking with some other nice boys from time to time while I district myself not to have any close relations wiht any girls else. I feel kind of with a responsibility. Eventually, we've decided not to talk about this love thing anymore.
She is one serious perfectionist even to herself. Because of that she regularly get into crisis, judging herself being an idiot or useless person and there i am only to trying to soothe her. Yes, we have a special kind of a friendship besides or inner-love emotions but, she sometimes texts me long messages explainin why she can't open her feelings or she'd go away from my life if i would want to bc she only gives me sadness and so. Is it me getting excited for no reason and exaggerating things? Or is it she that regularly gives hope and turnes me down?
This situation causes arguements between us quite often however we never speak of it. Its just cumulative annoyment provokes those from-nothing-arguements.
Am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3R1AvFh5Qzg10aXL7Knr0zVbZD4oRzBj | avpod8 | {
"description": "wanting my housemate to replace the scales he drove over",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my housemate to replace the scales he drove over? | This happened a week or two ago.
Background: A couple recently moved in to my spare room.
The other day I was out the front of the garage maintaining my bike. On the ground near me was a pair of scales I was using to weigh some parts. My housemate came into the garage and started moving things around in his van, looking like he was getting ready to leave. I started to move my stuff out of the way. My housemate started moving his van of the garage while I was still moving my things out of the way, and drove over my scales.
The scales were given to me by my aunt as a moving out of home present a few years ago, and [are reasonably expensive new](https://www.josephjoseph.com/en-rw/triscale). The moment he drives over them he stops and wonders what just happened. I walk over, pick them up, and show him they're broken. At the time he looked sorry, and we said that we'd sort it out when he got back.
Later that night I let my housemate know which brand of scales they were and that I'd let him sort it out.
Recently he transferred me some money for getting his bike wheel fixed and I asked him how he was going with the scales. He replied saying "They were much more expensive than i thought" and "Also thinking about it not really sure if it was my fault but happy to negotiate"
I'm not sure what to do. At the time that he broke them he didn't have a proper job having just moved and was doing uber eats deliveries on his bike. He just recently got a job as a carpenter (his professional trade) and is earning good money. Given he's my new housemate I don't want to muddy the waters and make things awkward straight off the bat, but at the same time I did like those scales and would like them replaced.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
F7uSTUTKbV58aCwhZJPLugL0JVg87aTp | auh9sz | {
"description": "having higher Standards of friendship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA Because I Have Higher Standards of Friendship? | Even though I'm going to be a lifelong bachelor (and am used to the lifestyle), I do entertain guests every once-in-awhile, during which time I do everything I can to make sure they're comfortable, in a reasonably clean environment, and that they aren't inconvenienced in my home.
I was called up by an ex, and a couple days later by an old friend I hadn't spoken to for years, asking for my help getting her moved. Sure.
We killed it, and had the U-haul back an hour and a half earlier than we expected, largely due to my being objective about it and just getting shit done.
Wasn't expecting much that weekend...of course there would be a mess. But it was her birthday the very next weekend, and we made plans to get together and for me to spend a couple nights. I offered to cook dinner, etc.
A week goes by, and I go down. The exact same dirty dishes are still in the sink from the previous week, plus some. In fact, there isn't a single clean fork or plate in the place. My friend finally went out and bought a box of plastic silverware, but I went out and got paper plates and trash-bags...because the garbage was overflowing to the point where I couldn't even cut up an onion and throw the bag away without it tumbling onto the floor.
The whole weekend, they proceed to spend most of their time in silence, staring at their phones, in complete silence except for the occasional laughter as they shared memes over FB while they're sitting 10 feet from each-other, and here I am, no data-plan, not a phone junkie, sitting there wondering why, between a childhood friend, and an ex, there's no conversation going on while we're all in the room together.
I got a bit pissed...but didn't show it until a week or so later, when something my ex said on FB set me off. I called her out that they were willing to call me their friend, but didn't treat me like one, and they both got pissed, and "hurt"....to the point where I had to apologize just for them to talk to me.
So what I gather from this is that if I say something that hurts them, it's my fault....but if I'm hurt by the things they've done, it's also my fault, and I should apologize.
Granted, I wasn't particularly nice when I told them off, but I managed to explain my side...it wasn't just a string of curse-words or anything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
tHFMSoPD1kFBfmUfWuD5b8aGBlmmnOQZ | ambucs | null | AITA? My boyfriend told me he was going on a 6 week boys trip, he changed it to 2 weeks because of me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG | |
ZUpHOLO5NqonnfTj18DFCKydYMnoaXIA | ai8de9 | {
"description": "telling my friend he's an asshole when he's stoned",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friend he's an asshole when he's stoned? | Names are fake for privacy.
I've been living with Roommate for a few years and we get along alright other than the shit we give each other sometimes. Recently, Roommate has been going over to our friend Bill's house to smoke weed. Every time he goes over, he always asks to smoke, and his was of making up for not having his own weed is giving them money. They don't seem to mind it at all, so I guess it works.
Tonight I was hanging out with Bill and Co. and Roommate got stoned. As soon as he did, he wouldn't shut the hell up. Some of the things that happened include:
- Requesting music from Alexa while someone is in the process of picking a song (ex. someone says hey alexa and before they can finish he yells a song real loud)
- Being really loud in general
- Backseating everything we do (ex. someone looks for a clip on YouTube and he says "hey we should watch this" repeatedly)
- Taunting people when they ask him to stop being an asshole (ex. a friend told him to shut up and his reaction was "fuck you ya piece of shit")
- Yelling when people are beating him in games (its like a low pitched HEY that almost sounds like barking and he won't stop doing it)
This is just a small assortment of how he acts sometimes. It's a big reason I don't hang around him when he smokes. One of our other friends almost punched him for being obnoxious. When he gets home, I planned on taking some time to tell him he needs to stop being such a dick when he's high. I have done that in the past and he has always said "I can't help it, I'm high. That's just how I act when I'm high." And I find that extremely hard to believe because I have been stoned before and I never had the urge to yell or anything.
So the big question is would I be the asshole for telling him he's being an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZOuqIG2fc4z7Ujjjekj7zKMj8O8vAXrm | apkqlh | {
"description": "not wanting to work a day I asked for off a month ago",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to work a day I asked for off a month ago? | I took off 10 days at my fast food job to study for a big test coming up at my school. Now I know that can be a bit of overkill, but I really need to do well on this test as my ability to get a higher education depends pretty heavily on this.
Not only did I take this off to study, but I took it off for my mental health and to allow myself to relax and have time to do things that I don’t get to do.
I requested this time off about a month ago, and I was told that Valentine’s Day is a “required” day to work at my job, after I requested it. I was scheduled for the whole time off completely. But when I was talking with my managers they said that I have to come in on this day even though I requested this chunk of time off, and the GM approved it.
I told them that if they were severely understaffed, I would come in, as that also applies to the rest of the time that I took off, but I was told by several other people that Valentine’s Day doesn’t really get busy.
I was told the only reason why they schedule people to work on Valentine’s Day is so that people don’t get mad when others don’t have to work it and it shows favoritism. But I’m pretty sure they’re going to just send me home after 3 hours because I’m always the one they send home first. Even then I never work Thursday’s, and they don’t need a fully staffed store to work that day.
I’m not spending this time to be with someone, go on a date or anything, I’m spending it doing homework and studying. I don’t think that I should be required to go to work on a day that I don’t normally work, even though it’s not “fair” to the others. The GM isn’t showing favoritism because I’m taking more that just that day off, and it’s literally the first time I’ve requested off in the almost 4 months I’ve been there. Is it wrong that I think I shouldn’t be required to work a day when I know I’m just going to get sent home early?
Also to add, nobody else in my store except for a select few people are in relationships, and I’m like 80% sure that none of them care that I have the day off, because I’m not using it to go on a date or anything. They also all know how important this test is to me and nobody has told me that they find it unfair that I was scheduled off. I really don’t want to make my coworkers mad at me for not coming, but at the same time I’m one of the only ones who has never called out and always shows up for their shift on time. I will go if I really have to, but I would really prefer to spend this time studying. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xDFVwKTYyLQGUUrCCUFsYE6HzZhV0UNI | b2tnu7 | {
"description": "unfriending my long known friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for unfriending my long known friend? | (backstory) One day he tells me of a group chat he is a part of with his other friends and I want to join in; and after some time he lets me in. Most of the people on it are internet trash. After realizing it'd be impossible to be good friends with those people I decided i had enough of them and blocked most of them. I have this other steam friend i've been friends with for much longer than my first mentioned steam friend and as of recently they have been coming onto steam less and less and I've been sort of sad about it whereas before we'd talk often.
​
So one day randomly I message my first mentioned friend messages me out of the blue, as normally I'm the one to start talking to him. When I got the notification for a steam message, I was hoping it would be for my better-known friend, but instead I got my other friend. I, (completely feel I was the asshole HERE) went in a small fit of rage in frustration over him not being my better known friend and then shortly realized after I had been an asshole and did a quick apology. I don't normally have stupid tantrums like that but I did. He, in response, tells me he wants to spend a week without talking to me, which I can respect. 3 days later a mutual friend of ours invites me back into the group chat, and I get to read what my friend that Ive known for a year for and his other internet trashy friends that somewhat hate me for being in a fandom.
​
Up until this point I've kept my promise of not bothering him, but then I read some of the stuff he said behind my back I had to confront him about it. He said stuff like "EVACUATE" once he saw that I was being re-invited and before that I found he and his friends talked about how I was a loser with no friends except for my "dead" friend and the one mutual friend. I felt the need to confront him about him back talking me and when i did, he didn't respond. I unfriended him on the spot. When he found out I unfriended him, my mutual friend copy pasted his text and sent me him saying "he isn't my problem anymore" as if i was a nuisance. I try using our mutual friend as a courier to relay messages as Ive already unfriended my 1 year long friend and I try telling him "I feel really hurt by your actions" and proceeded to say again "well that isn't my problem anymore, he said he would fuck over anyone who wronged him and he's been wronging me ever since (friend I've known longest) has been taking more absence so why shouldn't I try to fuck him over?" (direct quote). I ask our mutual friend to have my other friend re-add me so he wouldn't have to be a courier anymore, as the mutual friend stated he's felt awkward relaying messages as such. our mutual friend relays, "I really dont want to talk to him, just don't be a messenger. Just tell him I'm done with him and that's that." and that was that. I tried saying to him "I'm done with HIM not the other way around" to keep a sense of dignity.
​
AITA in total? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
ZbNyE8XDRI77tyVqTBsnzE1P6gTeNuvE | akr7u9 | {
"description": "charging my sister more when I babysit her kids than when I babysit my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for charging my sister more when I babysit her kids than when I babysit my friend | I babysit for a few people. My sister has one kid, and I babysit her kid regularly.
My friend has 2 kids and I babysit them every now & then.
I charge my friend less because
1. She only asks me to babysit every now and again.
2. We’ve been best friends for five years and she does so many things for me
3. My sister is nice but she can be a bit of a witch if she doesn’t get her own way.
Anyway I charge my sister $5 more than my friend. My sister has found and now she’s trying to find a new babysitter | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
yySiIKiNjB6ppRn7WC3juQgjVdiwJcFd | b7wxtd | {
"description": "making a joke on someone's dead Uncle if I didn't mean it",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA if i made a joke on someone’s dead Uncle if I didn’t mean it? | My ex and I have a complicated story. We both were best friends before we started dating and after my ex broke my heart we have been fighting for two months on the most random things cause we try to keep the promise we made about still remaining friends of a break up were to occur. He was roasting me and making me feel angry and he told me that I can’t roast him and I say oh yea I can, I can make u cry. He says try all u want that’s impossible. And I did, I made a roast on his dead Uncle. It was along the lines of how his Uncle is thanking god he left before having a look and my ex’s dull and boring future. The worst part is, I regretted it the moment I sent it and I was gonna delete it but then he saw it. And he hates my guts now. But am I really the asshole? He kept demeaning me by saying I can’t roast him to the point of crying and when I attempted to he thinks I’m insensitive and a bitch. I gotta agree I was insensitive but I can’t take the whole blame right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
oXp3MC8AEzettf8DIvt2vSExYBqBxiBl | awqkhb | {
"description": "playing my music in the mornings",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for playing my music in the mornings? | Sorry I'm on mobile
Context:I have two siblings and me being the middle child is kinda tough. I'm 14 soon to be 15 and for Christmas I got this real nice Bluetooth speaker, I barely have a good time to use so I usually play some real nice classic rock with the speaker(shout-out to classic rock fans!).
Both siblings do not like my music (TBH I think it's only because I listen to it.) And both my parents love my music but aren't home when this happens because of work. My younger kind of entitled sister always yells, never asks, but yells at me for playing my music and demands I turn it off. The only reason I don't is because I am usually a pushover and I don't want her to think she can do whatever whenever. My brother on the other hand will usually ask and most times when he asks I do turn it off because he asked(and also he is a huge jerk most other times).
BTW I mostly play music in the morning because my parents tell me to turn it off if they are doing literally anything.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
hma6bIWLVVpOCWvh7TVmuejZO8tA2wyN | a9iqkd | {
"description": "not wanting to text for hours with an autistic person",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to text for hours with an autistic person? | There’s a person at my school that I’ll call S. Basically everyone teases him and makes fun of his anger outbursts, since he has autism. I decided to be a decent person and be a friend to him, and naturally he got very attached to me, as some autistic people do.
He asked for my number, and I gave it to him. I kind of expected it would happen that he slams me with 50,000 texts a day and gets pissed when I don’t respond. I respond as much as I possibly can, but I do have activities and stuff I have to tend to.
Of course he gets pissed and spams me endlessly. Sometimes I just don’t want to talk with him, because he wants to do this very weird role play with me that has the same exact plot, he gets kidnapped and it’s up to me to save him before he gets killed. (I’m male btw, he’s not trying to make it a romance role play. I mean, he knows I’m gay, but he points out a lot he is straight.)
I’m sick of doing the exact same role play. It’s not fun and he overdoes it and stresses me out, demanding I reply. I have never ignored his messages on purpose, but I’d like to. I have told him he texts too much, but he ignores it.
Reddit, am I an asshole for considering just ignoring him when I don’t want to do the role play and/or chat? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
efPjM48SXfYq31ZikHL30iGLZgrBdBPi | a9t5xc | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend to stop being so violent whenever she complains about her problematic sister-in-law",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop being so violent whenever she complains about her problematic sister-in-law? | Some background. Been dating my girlfriend (will be referred to as “Jen”) for about four years, since my senior year of high school (she is two years older than me).
She has a brother (I’ll call him “Ben”) who has been in a pretty rocky relationship with his girlfriend (She’ll be “Pip”) for around two years. Ben is from my high school graduating class, I think she’s a year younger. Ben and Pip’s relationship has been difficult for a myriad of reasons I feel I’m not informed on enough to give a complete account here, although I can say with certainty that they have broken up several times, both cheated at one point, both displayed some emotionally abusive behavior (she once claimed pregnancy to prevent him from leaving, and I don’t think he’s been a star boyfriend either). They’ve been through one abortion (possibly more, don’t know for sure) but about 11 months ago Pip got pregnant and they decided to keep it. They had the baby, and now live together.
Now, to contrast, Jen and I’s relationship is very strong, I can confidently say that marriage is very likely to be our future, and we’ve discussed so in the past.
Ever since Jen learned of some of the emotionally abusive behavior Pip demonstrated, Jen loathes Pip. Jen refuses to be at many family gatherings and events if Pip is in attendance, and when she is, Jen will avoid her at all costs. Whenever she talks about Pip, it is with some pretty vile language. She has a darker personality/vocabulary/whatever so it’s not uncommon for her to verbally wish she’d die in a car crash, for example, or saying she’d like to slit her throat.
Recently, Pip has made some very questionable statements/actions that cause great concern in Jen for her new nephew. For example, Pip has announced she is skeptical of the benefits of vaccines, and may not vaccinate the kid. Also, she has a particular distaste for the “LGBT Agenda” in that she opposes the existence of a gender spectrum or non-heterosexual behavior being taught in schools, and has expressed a desire that her kid be “Straight, or nothing.” Jen identifies as a member of the LGBT community and thus LGBT issues are very important to her.
Finally, the reason for my post. When Jen brings up the stuff she dislikes about Pip, I agree with almost everything she says, and share her passion and concern for the child. But I also urge her not to use such violent and descriptive language when talking about her. This happens often, and usually ends in her being furious with me because she feels she isn’t being heard by her family at large, so when I bring this up she gets a similar feeling.
I don’t want her to use that language for two reasons: one, so that it doesn’t affect her mental health, constantly wishing death and violence on someone she knows in person. Two, if there is ever a custody battle over the child, I don’t want her comments (some in text message form) being used to make the case the child is not safe with her side of the family. (Her fam has some shady stuff in their past that could contribute to that case)
Am I The Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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C75A2YTrKgul7Xfk4V425fIptvf3VO5K | agmfcs | {
"description": "wanting money instead of favors",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For wanting money instead of favors? | To keep it brief, my twin brother has been borrowing a lot of money from me to pay for stuff because our mom said that if his bank account total drops below $1000 then she's withdrawing the money she gave him to give him a balance of $1000 in the first place.
​
He's been playing me back in small amounts at a time and swears that he's close to paying me off and that "now \[I'm\] trying to dig \[him\] a hole \[he's\] close to escaping but \[I\] don't want \[him\] to." I checked my bank statements and added up what he still owes me and it's close to $300. Neither of us are working(he has a job but it's choose your own schedule and he chooses to not work), so most of our money comes from hoarding what we get from holidays and birthdays. As such he asked that instead of paying me back in cash if he could do my household chores to pay me back.
​
I told him no and he said I was being heartless and that I have no sympathy. I understand why he'd rather work it off rather than pay me back in cash, but then for the same reasons that's exactly the reason why I want cash rather than having him do my "backbreaking" chores(all I do is take care of our cats and take out the trash once a week). He did agree to go and actually start taking jobs to pay me back(although he's only giving me half of what he earns even though we live with our parents and have no expenses?). He's still super pissed though.
​
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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IRrcTSS3awKQq2iUvjtHqA8I9LyZrAKm | a7s1v6 | {
"description": "being angry at my friend for pretending(?) to be interested in me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being angry at my friend for pretending(?) to be interested in me? | I have considered a guy my best friend for about six years, and have had some feelings for him for several of these. He always seemed to be giving signs of interest, some really quite blatant, so like 3 or 4 months ago, I texted him to tell him how I felt (something I find incredibly difficult).
His response was positive - while he said he "didn't want to jeopardise anything", he also "really likes [me] too", and I was overjoyed. His offer was to "hang out as more than friends", and while I kind of wanted a relationship, I felt this to be a good starting point.
Ever since, in school (I know, I know) he has been pretty normal, and has been even more physically affectionate, always putting his leg against mine, touching me unnecessarily, and other, slightly more direct approaches. He also makes lots of flirty jokes, frequently calls me "pet" and sometimes "babe", etc.
However, ever since the text, he has totally blown off any plans I tried to make with him, claiming to be busy. Meanwhile however, he makes no effort to hide the fact he regularly meets other people for coffee, meals etc, which I find somewhat offensive. He doesn't text that much either. This is on top of other signs of disinterest he showed prior to this - quite openly not caring to remember my birthday, showing off slightly extravagant gifts he was giving to others while having never given me a gift of any sort in six years (as I recall).
Yesterday, he also talked to someone else about how he would go to the school formal (similar to prom, I guess?) next year "if [he] had a boyfriend by then". This was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back, as I guess it showed that he wanted a boyfriend- just not me, given the lack of serious interest he had shown, and despite what he said. I feel like he just said yes to keep me around as some sort of insurance if he doesn't find someone better, or he wanted attention/affection without having to actually do or commit to anything.
Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable? I don't want to pressure him into anything, I'd be happy if he would just not lie (I see no other explanation) about being too busy to go for a drink or whatever. The fact he enthusiastically tells me about how hot he finds practically every single passing human male doesn't help either, especially given the lovely lifelong self esteem issues I've got going on. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wWs6q0244O4Fq246cJrqhXlKPwEbX1S0 | alu4dw | {
"description": "telling my neighbour/friend she has the most annoying screechy baby voice",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA For telling my neighbour/friend she has the most annoying screechy baby voice | My neighbour has a baby 5 months old and she has the most annoying screechy baby voice when she’s talking to him. Like it goes through me and I can’t stand it.
“Ooooohhh baby boyyyy what youuu DOOOINGG” and it is soo annoying I just want to rip her tongue out so she doesn’t speak ever again.
I told her “do you have to speak like that? It’s worse than nails on a chalkboard. I bet baby hates it too” now she’s upset with me & is giving me the silent treatment. I was just trying to do her a favour and I think her baby will appreciate me telling her too.. as it’s so bad. But I feel I maybe have hit a nerve
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
fCXQuP2tol4ecgnsoHDoxwkTxmSziA6P | aoca5f | {
"description": "refusing payment",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing payment? | The garage I took my girlfriend's car to to get it fixed decided to fix the stereos wiring while they had the dash apart replacing a few gauges that stopped working. (NOTE THE STEREO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH WHY THE GAUGES WHERE MESSING UP). We have a contract for the work that he was doing and the price. So when I go to pick the car up the person who man's the cash register tries to charge me a extra 50$ for fixing the wiring and replacing a speaker that was shorted out. I'm assuming the $50 was mainly to cover the cost of the speaker they put in but still. I gave him the original $300 for the work we agreed on and have a contract for. And asked for my keys. The cashier refused saying I didn't pay the full amount.First I suggest just having the mechanic take apart the door to remove the speaker they added. The cashiers called the mechanic and talked to him for a little while. But ultimately I was told no and to just pay the extra money. We get into a short argument over it I said if he doesn't hand over the keys I'll call the cops and report that the shop stole my car. Eventually the cops are called because I was tired of trying to reason with the guy and he had brought my girlfriend into it who was with me to drive the car home. Once the cops arrived they ordered the cashier to either give me my keys and let me go or have one of the people that worked in the shop remove the part. He gave my keys back and let me go. AITA for not paying for extra work I didn't consent to?
TLDR: the shop did extra work without my consent and tried to charge me for it. Cops where called after he brought my girlfriend into the argument. I got my keys back and left without paying the extra charge. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
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"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WD4jINGZBxeWGCqVfR4S7ZTKiyyrbwam | anwjr2 | {
"description": "kicking my step-son out",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for kicking my step-son out? |
My 24 year old step-son, let's call him Caden, used to be such a sweet, bright kid. We spent many a night talking about our favourite animes, like naruto and dragon ball z. He was the best kind of kid you could ask for. When he turned 18, I assumed that he would pursue his dream of being an animator, like he had talked about many times before. However, he just burrowed deeper into his shell, losing his friends from high school and becoming quite ornery and lazy. I did not give up hope though, and still tried my best to encourage him to pursue his dreams, yet he became more and more stubborn with me.
(I should mention at this point I caught him smoking weed often. Being a frequent blazer myself, I thought that this wasn't related, but now I see how he used it to escape reality, whereas i just used it to unwind)
As the weeks and months and year passed, I began to lose hope. Somewhere along the line, caden started browsing 4chan and he started to become radicalized. He began to spout alt-right rhetoric, and soon I found him saying racist things I would never expect to come from his mouth. When I asked him if he had found a job, he would scream at me about how the jews steal all the money and give it to transsexual gay n-words. I mean, he was just flat out bigoted and ignorant. This was really weighing on me, but last week was the final straw. I entered his room while he was in the bathroom, and what I found shocked me. A layer of filth reigned. A foul stench overpowered me. But this was nothing compared to what I saw when I looked up. All over the walls, posters with neo-nazi slogans and disgusting comics depicting minorities were pasted. I nust lost my temper completely. As a man whose ancestors were oppressed for their faith, I just could not let this happen in my house. Reddit, I lost my shit. I gave him $50 and told him I never wanted to see his face again. I was absolutely gutted after the rage wore off, but I knew I could not play any further role in supporting this disgusting behaviour. All I want is for my cute, smart little caden to come back, but I know that can never happen again.
TLDR; bigoted, racist scumbag son gets kicked out for his appalling behaviour | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
qGMOTxfZ0eEd5TGtatblNAR7KNhNVsyN | apbhk0 | {
"description": "not lending money to a friend for an abortion",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I didn't lend money to a friend for an abortion | Her GF's IUD did not work due to a medical error. Abortion is illegal here but he got a doctor willing to prescribe His GF abortive pills. They did not work the first time, now they have to buy another higher dose. He's asking me to lend him $200 and he'll pay me back in a month (or so he says) they are both in no condition to have the child right now due to economic reasons.
They need the money this week otherwise the pill will no longer be effective. I have the money, he knows it, but I hate the idea of lending and borrowing money, it makes me uncomfortable. I'm thinking of lending him half. We've been friends for a year now.
I'm saving the money to go to China in a few months and I don't want to risk not getting it back.
I'm like 80% sure he'd pay me back. Am I an asshole with trust issues for being coy to help. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
JMIWFEPp2WET31C8wzgsuUw1bsq9Iykt | ac6jk4 | {
"description": "thinking about studying something that won't make me earn a lot of money",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for thinking about studying something that won't make me earn a lot of money? | I'm 17 and I have no idea what I want to be in the future. My family (my parents and my 2 years older sister) is not financially stable, none of my parents have studies, and my mom was fired 1 month ago. They've always told me that I have to study something that will make me happy (even though I don't know what to study).
The thing is, I told a friend about this. And well, he told me that I am very selfish and an asshole just by thinking about that (studying something that won't make me earn a lot of money) because my family is financially unstable and I have to support them economically. Plus, he asked "What if a loved one had cancer. You would have wished to study something good".
I think he has a point, someone could get seriously ill and then what could I do? But then I think that's a very specific scenario. But then everyone can get sick...
Am I really a selfish person or an asshole in a situation like this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
LYTXWAEzqtPwHEy1bW1H62Evl6qJG3tj | apjcpw | {
"description": "covering my nose whenever I'm near my father",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for covering my nose whenever I'm near my father? | So, a bit of context here. I'm 17, turning 18 in May. My father has been smoking since long before I was even born, (First child) and in fact was involved with many other kinds of drugs and alcohol and the like. Luckily, he cleaned up his act once I came around and now he only smokes his cigarettes. But the thing is, he smokes constantly. Like, every half hour constantly. I figure this type of thing is normal because my uncle who lives with us does the same. My father had only recently moved back in with us as he had done jail time and so I had gotten pretty used to not smelling the smoke all that much. But now that he's back, I smell it literally everywhere. His clothes, his jacket, and especially on him. I'm very conscious about this type of thing and would rather not be near him during and after the smoking. I can smell it when no one else can, and know exactly when and if he had been smoking.
At first I figured he was understanding about it because whenever I told him about the times when my uncle would wave a cigarette in my face, he would get very upset. But now I see how he really thinks. Whenever I walk past him smoking, I cover my face. Whenever we're in the car and I can smell it, I cover my face. I rarely give him hugs because he reeks of cigarettes. And this seems to piss him off immensely. He constantly says stuff like "Oh we're outside you can't even smell it." "Youre exaggerating." or the one that kinda ticks me off most, "Oh stop covering your mouth because know your little brother copies you and he's going to act just like you." as if it's a personal offense to him that I dare cover my face.
Now the only reason I absolutely hate the cigarettes is because I've seen what all those substances have done to my dad and his side of the family. The drugs, the alcohol, even the cigarettes. I've made a personal vow to myself to not even touch a cigarette, yet I'm constantly breathing in the smoke from my dad. I'm not asking him to stop smoking, I just don't understand why it's such a big deal to him that I cover my face around him. By the way, I act the exact same when my uncle smokes and he's even worse, calling me a baby and shit like that for not wanting the smoke in my face.
Am I the asshole for expecting my dad (and uncle) to understand my feelings about the smoking? Am I actually being a baby about this?
TL;DR : I cover my nose around my dad because he constantly reeks of smoke and smokes near me, and gets angry that I do. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
V9FBanin1ut4H67PgeMdF8Ul50pjhtTz | ae05ad | {
"description": "blocking and reporting transgenders on Tinder",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 147
} | AITA for blocking and reporting transgenders on Tinder? | I want to start off by saying I am not the least bit transphobic, I believe everyone should have the freedom to live however they want to. I may not understand it, but I would die to defend your right to live happily. However, when you sign up for tinder, you explicitly have to list your gender, and you have to list what gender you are interested in. This is done so all types of sexualities can find what they are looking for. So it’s a little unnerving when I’m swiping and I come across a transgender woman. It seems futile on their side, because the tinder parameters they chose means that everyone they are swiping on is a straight male. It would seem like for their benefit, they should state they are a man looking for other men, rather than submitting that they are a female looking for men. It’s not like anyone with the tinder parameters “male looking for female” is suddenly going to see a transgender woman and decide that’s what they’re looking for. Anyways, please enlighten me, and I know this is a touchy subject and I have no ill will for the transgender community at all, so I’d appreciate a civil response. Thanks. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 143,
"OTHER": 55,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 58,
"WRONG": 147
} | WRONG |
IlsmXEGQXIB2SyUK6cJ7aNkngY8tNWIT | a5ypmn | {
"description": "'abandoning' my mother and not having any contact with her even though she needs me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for 'abandoning' my mother and not having any contact with her even though she needs me? | This last month has been the worst month I have ever lived through in my entire life so get ready to read some drama. I'm on mobile so sorry for any typos. Also, I'm leaving some stuff out but I will answer with extra info if people ask about it.
I recently turned 20 and was living with my mother until around two weeks ago - but a month or two ago is when shit really started to get bad.
My mother has had depression and suffered from mental illness from when I was around 7. She would usually take prescribed medication to deal with these problems but within the last few months she decided that she would come off it (without consulting a doctor) so she could lose weight. Mind you, she didn't come off just any medication, she came off of her anti-psychotics. Life soon became constant mood swings and arguments. I would stay in my room all day to avoid her, sleep when she's awake, etc.
The whole reasoning behind stopping her medication was because she wanted to be more skinny for her new man. At the start of the summer she decided to start dating her best friends recently separated husband in secret. He soon went to prison wanted for theft so they'd been talking to each other via phone calls and prison visits.
He wasn't giving her the time or attention she wanted and she soon became really paranoid maybe he was playing her. She would write him really angry letters and then write him really sappy apology letters straight after. She thought up about a million scenarios in her head about how he could be using her or cheating on her (somehow from prison?) and she analysed everything he ever said to her. Even really random obscure things from months ago that could possibly have a hidden meaning.
Eventually she called accused him of being a compulsive liar over the phone because she didn't believe anything he said. He hung up on her and after that he didn't call again. She assumed (and rightly so) things were over.
Something made her snap and she told her friend about how she had been seeing her separated husband. She regretted it almost immediately as essentially she had lost one of her best friends and mostly everyone she knew afflicted with them. It wasn't easy and there were a few screaming matches, but I managed to convince her to go back on her medication to help her feel better.
This part of the story is where it escalates... So, about a month ago there was some supposed 'hackers' trying to get into her Facebook. Immediately she assumed it was her ex best friend. She changed all her passwords. Then it wasn't Facebook, it was PayPal that was 'hacked'. Soon after it wasn't just PayPal and Facebook it was everything. None of her passwords worked. I tried to tell her that she probably just changed them and forgot about what they were, but she KNEW it was hackers.
I'd like to throw in, my mother also knows nothing about technology. She barely knows how to navigate to google.
Soon after the 'hackers' were into her accounts, she then got it into her head they were also 'tapped into' our wifi as well as her phones. At one point she said the house was bugged. She started believing that people were stalking her. People were 110% watching her and listening to her 24/7.
Every time she came to me with a problem I was able to solve it. For example, her fingers were too fat to go into her settings menu, so she was completely convinced it was the 'hackers' doing. I just touched it in front of her and it opened and she would say something like "Oh, well it worked because it was you. The hackers don't want you".
I tried my best to explain to her that she doesn't understand that that's not how hacking works or technology and I was giving her rational answers - but she was having none of it. She bought two new phones and an iPhone. She bought a new house phone. She got the wifi router changed.
I began telling her that she needed help and that she had lost it. I told her that the hackers weren't real, that she needed to stop this. She became enraged and all hell ensued about how I was the most terrible awful daughter for not believing her, how could I ever do this to her? Why was I against her? Was I the hacker? She told me she was suicidal and I'd regret how I treated her when I come home and find her hanging.
Two weeks ago it got to the point where she wasn't sleeping or eating, the house had become a bomb site. She was paying some random man to come and fix her devices and she needed my iPad for some reason. I refused to give it to her. She poured water over my head while I had my eyes closed in bed. She took the worst tantrum I have ever seen and she began shrieking and acting completely nuts. She took a glass bottle and I thought she was going to throw it at me but instead she set it down and lifted up a curling iron. Started banging it off the drawer. I was terrified.
After she left my room I just stayed there in shock and scared to get up in case she heard me and came back in. I was crying, she was crying, it was hysterical. She left in her car to go get something from a local shop and as soon as she left I packed my bags and I didn't go back. I found out that this entire time she had been lying to me and she wasn't actually on her medication either.
I ended up sofa surfing for a week until I was blessed to have found an organisation that would give me somewhere to live until I could get back on my feet. This is where I am currently.
Earlier today, I was speaking to the son of basically the only friend my mum has left. I wanted to know if my mum was ok, and I told him that I had rang my mums doctor and explained what had been happening and if he or his mum were able, I asked him if they could convince her to go and see her doctor. He told me I needed to suck up how I was feeling and be there for her. He said she needed me and I had to put whatever feelings of my own behind hers. I told him I felt like it was rude for him to say that to me when he doesn't fully know the situation. I was also told by the support workers from the organisation that not talking to her and staying away from her (for my own mental health) was the best option for me.
This is what he said to me:
"All I know is if my mum was like yours I wouldn't abandon her after years of her rasing me because I'm a self centered cunt who needs the world to feel sorry for them. If your mum actually kills herself, whether it's on purpose or not, and I really believe that might happen, it'll be on you. So don't go back to her, or do. Whatever. I've my own shit to sort out. Bye."
I don't want the world to feel sorry for me. I don't ever talk about my problems publicly. I never wanted this to be about me, but that day she went nuts with the curling iron made me realise I couldn't be around her without feeling scared. I felt like I was literally living with a crazy person.
Regardless, of course I am concerned about her. I love her so much. I just wish she was how she was before any of this stupid shit ever happened. I miss how we use to be. I feel really conflicted after he said that to me, though. Maybe I actually am being selfish by not being there for her? I don't know anymore.
Am I the asshole for not being there for her?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
R4lDDq2FJxsqcUW3sxOhw71ETuOyR7OR | ars72w | {
"description": "giving my dad an ultimatum and then cutting him out of my life completely",
"pronormative_score": 62,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for giving my dad an ultimatum and then cutting him out of my life completely? | This is somewhat of a long story so I’ll try to keep it as informative and short as possible but please bare with me.
For context, I am an almost 25 year old woman and my younger brother is 22. My mom is 56 and my dad is 53.
My dad had an affair with a random woman in 2011. My parents had seemed to work it out. My mom wanted couples counseling but my dad never followed through with that and then everything was forgotten (I did not forget). Great, whatever, that’s their marriage.
However, last year my mom found out that my dad was having another affair. This time with a family friend. This woman, let’s call just call her Gloria, had known my dad in high school but were never friends until later in life when we would rent her cabin on a lake for family vacations. Gloria was always super sweet, fun, and had hung out with my family a few times on these vacations. Gloria and her husband started befriending my parents more, and her and my mother became closer friends.
A few years pass, and my dad’s mom dies. Suddenly he’s going to visit his hometown (about 10hrs from where we live and where my grandmas house is) to go through old belongings and I suppose to reminisce. We were all very supportive.
But then, my mom starts hearing from friends who live there that they’ve been seeing Gloria and my dad out and about together, in an inappropriate context. My mom confronts my dad and he admits that yes, he’s been seeing her for 2 years behind her back. Apparently all the times he spent in his hometown, he was really with her. And when he went to Florida to fix up a trailer my family owns (which we rent out), she went with him.
This was much more devastating to my mom, me, and my brother than the first time. We know this woman personally, and she also has a husband and son. It cut deep.
Fast forward 6 months and my parents are still “trying to work things out” and he claims he is not seeing or talking to her anymore. My dad and my mom have always had a retirement plan to sell their current home and move near the town they went to college to and get a home on the lake. My mom is close to retirement. So my dad tells my mom he’s been applying to jobs in that area and he gets it. My dad heads up there and he finds a house, and he buys it. My mom agreed to all of this.
However it was all a lie. My dad tricked my mom into signing documents that tie that new house into their current house’s mortgage. And now Gloria is living with him up there. She even changed her address to that house!
Gloria’s husband divorced her when he found out about the affair, and share custody of their son who is a senior in high school. However, my parents refuse to divorce for financial reasons, and instead are just separating.
Now comes the important part. This really hurt my brother and I. It hurts to see my dad treat my mom this way with absolutely no remorse. As an adult, I can also empathize with my mom and it’s hard.
My dad has never apologized to me and my brother for hurting us.
After an extensive conversation with my brother we decided to confront my dad together and give him an ultimatum which is “We don’t care if you separate from mom and date other people, we just don’t want you with Gloria. If you stay with Gloria we are cutting you out of our lives completely” this includes not coming to my graduation, wedding, being in grandchildren’s lives. Ya know, the stuff that is supposed to matter to a parent.
We explain to him why we want this. That Gloria will forever be a symbol of the pain he caused, that we don’t want her anywhere near us. And that he never apologized for hurting us and that hurts even more.
My dad’s response? “Well I’m not married to you guys, you live your life and I’ll live mine”. In the 45min conversation where we laid out all our feelings to him, he still refused to take responsibility for the hurt he caused and he still hasn’t apologized.
He then goes on to call us awful for giving him an ultimatum like that, and he doesn’t understand why he can’t be with Gloria even after we clearly explained how we felt and why we felt that way.
I blocked him on all social media accounts and I intend to stick to my word. I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s selfish and he’s never really been there for us anyways. But it’s still bothering me if I’m really doing the right thing here. Maybe my dad was right, it was unfair to do that? But he showed no remorse, took no responsibility, and never apologized before OR after we gave him the ultimatum.
So, AITA for giving my dad an ultimatum and then cutting him out of my life?
EDIT: To be fair, I genuinely do not care if he isn’t with my mom. If they’re unhappy I want them to divorce! Find other people and be happy!! My brother and I just can’t find it within ourselves to forgive Gloria and move past it. The only reason why we gave my dad a second chance is because, well he’s our dad.
I don’t want Gloria in my life and if I ever have kids I certainly would not want her to know them or for them to know her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 62,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 62,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
Aewgn0WeSNhjEgTfjUodGYbEgoNA8Efv | akzhuh | {
"description": "not letting my friend stay at my place",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not letting my friend stay at my place? | This has been eating away at me for a while. The story is kinda long and boring but I hope you can help me settle this.
I have this very, very close and old friend, (fake name) Arya. I moved away from our hometown to a different country with my husband. We rent a place from some really nice people. I let her know she could come visit anytime.
A couple of months pass and she wants to come to the country we live in to see a festival. She asks if she can stay with us; unfortunately we planned a vacation at that time but I tell her it's fine and that I'll give her the keys to our apartment somehow. She has other friends she could stay with, but prefers having a flat to herself.
At this point I already have some conflicted feelings about this, as I'm not totally comfortable about leaving the keys to anyone; it's a rented place and we never talked to the landlords about situations like this, and I feel they wouldn't be 100% happy about it.
My husband is also generally uncomfortable with both using other people's places while they are away and letting people stay at his place when he's not there, but he's willing to compromise in this situation as Arya and I are really close friends. I love her vey much and don't feel like telling her not to come; I want to do this favour for her.
A few weeks pass and we don't get a chance to see each other (I don't fly out to our hometown and she doesn't travel where we live either). We both totally forget about the whole thing and just 3 days before we leave for our vacation I message her about it and ask if she has any friends I could leave the keys to. She does, and gives me her contact. Her friend is extremely rude and tells me she can't take the keys as she's busy, but lets me know I can leave them to her mom (?) at her mom's workplace (??) and that if she's not there when I come I can leave them at the reception (???).
At this point I'm getting extremely uncomfortable and I tell Arya that I don't really feel like doing this and ask her if she could change her mind and stay with her other friends. She gets extremely angry and doesn't talk to me for weeks. When we finally talk again, she won't really explain why she got angry and says that it's obvious.
AITA in this situation for asking her to reconsider staying at out place? We never really talked this out and just ignore it now, but it was a pretty big fight. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
PGn1XyzJWV4ES3Qzam7qbGxAwEdWbchZ | arcu28 | {
"description": "forcing my mom to sell the property she planned to retire in",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for forcing my mom to sell the property she planned to retire in? | My mom lives in a different state. I moved away from home awhile back and have lived in a different state for close to 16 years, let's say Oregon. She and I are the only family each other has - I don't have a dad, don't have siblings, she doesn't have siblings, that's it. She put everything she had into raising me, and I love her dearly for it. I'm there to support her in a lot of different ways, and she is extraordinarily involved in my life, sometimes to an unhealthy degree.
Four years ago, she told me that it would only make financial sense for me and my husband to buy a condo in Oregon, where we've been living and paying rent for all these years. My husband and I didn't have a large amount of savings due to previous financial hardship, so she offers to put in the money for the closing costs, which would be somewhat substantial. I went back and forth on it and told her that I didn't know if I wanted to stay in Oregon, that my husband and I were thinking of living somewhere else when we have kids, and that I couldn't possibly take her money because it was most of the money she had saved up for herself for retirement. For awhile I resisted, but she said we were wasting money and that it would be an investment for her too and she really wanted us to do it, so she convinced me to go through with it.
So the arrangement we settled on was that she would put the money into the closing costs as an "investment." My husband and I would live in the condo and he and I would cover the monthly mortgage until we were ready to move out, and that hopefully we would move out into a bigger place in Oregon when we have kids and she would move to Oregon to be close to us and retire in the condo that we all bought. We reasoned that if my husband and I wanted to move before then, we could always rent the condo out.
Fast forward to now. My husband and I are strongly considering moving out of the condo because we want to move to a different city where we think we would have a better quality of life. In the four years since we bought the condo, they have passed legislation/bylaws that essentially forbid renters. My mom is not yet ready to retire, so she isn't ready to move into the condo. She also reasoned that she only wanted the condo to be close to us, so if we are going to move somewhere else, we should probably just sell it. This would essentially leave her without a place to live when she retires. She would likely get most of her money back from the sale, but would be without a place to retire to. My husband has been incredibly supportive and understanding throughout and is fine with whatever works out best for us all, moving or staying, but I feel so guilty about all of it. I feel like I owe it to her to stay here.
Am I an asshole for wanting to move? Would I be an asshole for putting my mom in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
F19KApyQV1IJ8D0xhHHrjMdI9fOfs142 | an27fp | {
"description": "being a bad friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA I'm a bad friend | TL;DR my friend and I talk a lot, and when I don't reply to them quickly or to each message/sentence they sent(they send blocks of text) they think I'm ignoring them.
My friend and I have been off and on about our friendship, at times we fight and disconnect altogether for a couple months. But even when we are friends we're often times not good, I usually don't see anything wrong but they're always upset about something with me. Recently and for the past couple of months it's been because I don't talk to them enough(we already talk everyday). We have mutual friends so we have been in a couple group chats with each other(not many people, 3). Often times I'll miss a message or two because I'm at work or doing something else even when I go read through all I missed. But I just miss messages in general because I'm not always aware of what I'm reading. Recently we got into another fight about it because they feel I'm always better to others but never to them, and that I selectively ignore their messages, while I always respond to others.
TL;DR
They're going through a tough time in life so maybe they're just taking it out on me persay. But I'm frustrated with all this bickering, and I'm not sure if I'm at fault or if it's just because of life.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zYUylESpnDMtaqCxcJC8GA3kvxeYCHwW | apeir0 | {
"description": "wanting to sleep in a bedroom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to sleep in a bedroom | I(24M) work early mornings, with my shift starting around 3am. My wife(23f) has a normal 9-5 job. As a result, I normally go to bed a few hours before her. Last night, we had a friend staying with us, I was filling out paperwork at the kitchen table, and decided I was too tired and wanted to go to bed. She was sitting on the bed talking on the phone with her friend. I asked if she would mind taking it to the living room so I could go to sleep, but she refused, said she was comfy, but I could go to sleep anyways. When I turned off the light, she said she wasn't going to sleep, and said to turn it back on. I grabbed a pillow and blanket, and went to sleep on the couch (not necessarily a bad thing, it's a very comfy couch).
I was asleep on the couch for probably 10 minutes, when she came out, woke me up, and said I could go to bed, she was done with her phone call. I said I was good, and already sleeping, so she took the pillow and said she wanted me to come back to bed because she enjoys sleeping next to me, and got mad at me for not wanting to go back to bed. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Jvy9oQQ2lIqeegfa3rPaMzMdVDu2R2Pd | 9xxmrn | {
"description": "trying to control my younger brother's breakup",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for trying to control my younger brother’s breakup? | So my brother’s gf of three years recently broke up with him. My brother (18M) and his ex (17F) made plans to return borrowed stuff and say some final goodbyes.
At the time, my parents were out of town. So I was asked to drive my brother from our university to home since it’s a bit of a drive and he was taking the break up really hard. The plan from there was that my brother would drive to his ex’s house after arriving home and exchange belongings/words and then drive both himself and his ex over to our house to again exchange belongings/words.
So we reach home and my brother goes off to his ex’s house. About half an hour later, he returns distraught and breaks into tears. He said that he was returned his belongings, but was unable to talk to his ex much since her parents basically pushed him out the door saying that they were uncomfortable with him being there and that his ex’s grandmother was over.
After hearing this, I was pissed. My brother was treated like a complete stranger by people he had met many times before. On top of that, this had been planned for two weeks, he gave a notice of what time he’d arrive an hour in advance, and there was no mention of it not being a good time to meet. Because of this, what little trust I had in both his ex and her parents was absolutely gone. To be fair, it’s possible that my prior biases influenced this since I never especially liked the ex and strongly disliked her mother, but this incident really rubbed me the wrong way.
At this point, my brother had been told that his ex would be dropped off at our house so that they could do the second half of the exchange. I thought that it was also likely that one of her parents may come in as well. My brother was planning on walking with his ex around our house to pick up what they needed. I wasn’t ok with this. I wanted the ex and her parents to be within earshot of me and to be out of our house as soon as possible. I didn’t trust them to be considerate of my brother in the least.
I decidedly didn’t give my brother a choice in what to do with his ex’s belongings. I told him to get what was hers and put it on the kitchen counter. We got into a bit of an argument and so I took it upon myself to grab what I knew was hers and put it on the counter. After asking if that was all, he reluctantly said yes. I wasn’t planning on controlling any other part of their exchange and was going to sit in an adjacent room out of sight when the ex arrived. In the end, the ex and her parents never came to our house and my brother was told to bring her stuff to their house about an hour later.
I do think that I was in the wrong and did end up crossing a line by trying to control a part of my brother’s personal life and his rightful privacy of a situation (especially now since he is legally considered an adult). However, despite this I still can’t help but feel like I had to protect him in some way at that time. AITA for trying to control my younger brother’s breakup? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BgL1ydGiwjJGNku0gbQ5rIIkdLDfZcm1 | alypsm | {
"description": "not wanting a 3some",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting a 3some? | So my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, both in our ealy 20s.
We're both very open about what we want and what we've done in the past, such as the fact I've had a few 3somes (ffm) which is what he wants with me.
Normally I'd say yes and be excited, but I'm not particularly keen on doing this with him as I really do love him and I'm scared of the impact this may have on our relationship. I'm worried that after being with another woman he won't want me anymore, that I won't be "enough".
He's never done anything to make me feel insecure, he's actually my first partner that's put an effort into telling me how much he loves me and attractive he finds me. I know if I tell him the reason why I don't want to he'll reassure me and tell me he'll always love me and my body and that he'll never leave me and that I'm enough.
I feel like by saying no I'm not letting him fulfill his desire and that it's selfish of me to do that to him.
AITA ?
(Also, so sorry for the grammar.) | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
L1xGe0ylc061pYmHuluClnV5pWyJJ8hZ | a1ni67 | {
"description": "not wanting to pay for a work Christmas party",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to pay for a work Christmas party? | Title pretty much says it all- my office is really into Xmas parties, and everyone thinks I’m a Scrooge for not wanting to go....all said and done though, it’s like $70 after food, gifts, etc and I don’t want to pay it. Holidays are rough as it is, I’ve got big family changes upcoming, and I don’t want to pay to hang out with people that I normally get paid to be around. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
FyUTYmpheNvc0ZXNHesqI5QOjiNvmMmJ | ajudbb | {
"description": "telling my friend that is weird she is dating someone 20 years her senior",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For telling my friend that is weird she is dating someone 20 years her senior? | My friend is 20 years old she hasn't had a good track record of dudes that she has fallen for.
She dated a Air Force dude that was in town for training who ended up being married.
She dated another dude who ended up being involved with someone and had a kid.
Dated someone who sexually assaulted her.
My friend isn't what you would call...hot. She is a big girl and I think she jumps into relationships very quickly ( I have told her so).
I am honest with my friend in all things and she talks to me to get the "real" take on things (her words) and I have been right about the dirtbags she has dated.
The guy is older and well off but she is insisting this isn't a "sugar daddy" thing. He "told" her that she is the first girl her age he dated and he has "never done this before" (they met on Tinder).
She has dated guys who were in their 30's (I am her friend and I am in her 30's) and that has never bothered me, but this dude is 41 and has four kids (two her age) and it just strikes me as weird.
She got really upset that I was being "so judgy" but yet she comes to me from my opinion. So am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
oCkOJRt6bf6brlzTUBdyNYORAM020MMF | ahy17n | {
"description": "checking my gf's (now ex) phone after I suspected something odd and found she was cheating on me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for checking my gf's (now ex) phone after I suspected something odd and found she was cheating on me? | AITA for checking my gf's phone after she started to behave odd?
We already broke up now. We we're in a vacation two weeks ago. We were in long distance relationship in recent three years and were together for more than 5 years. We we're meeting after 5 months and we had planned 2 weeks long vacation in a new country.
From the very first day she started acting weird. She said that the relationship might be over after the vacation. We we're having some miscommunication so I said yes, we can take a break and revisit later.
So, during the vacation, she was spending more time with her phone. No physical intimacy or anything. I was really frustrated and I was trying to make things better. She said that she was not feeling right to be in relationship or something. And she said that there was no particular reason for leaving me.
In the second last day, I went through her phone. I found out that she was cheating on me for more than 2 months. She even had a another vacation planned with that guy.
Things ended right there. I was shocked and sad. I still have not recovered.
Now, she has been describing me as a "creep" to our mutual friends for going through her phone. I don't want to respond to that but it makes me wonder what would have happened if if I never knew.
Do you think I was an asshole for going through her phone? I would feel like shit I had found nothing but my suspicion came out to be true.
Thanks for reading! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
TjC6O3oihAN4p8zcH1YMECIwsfUltgNp | 9uav06 | {
"description": "outing my best friend's cheating (now ex-) girlfriend in public",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for outing my best friend's cheating (now ex-) girlfriend in public? | About two years ago, in our last year of university, my best friend at the time got a girlfriend. She was his first everything: first girlfriend, first kiss, first sex, etc. It was long-distance (he was from the UK, she from Spain) but he was totally smitten with her. After they'd been long-distance dating for a few months, he made a trip to visit her for Christmas. He was super excited and we were all extremely happy for him.
After he came back, though, he was a little down and wouldn't tell anyone why. A month or two later, he confided in me that she was still hanging out with her *"ex"* (more on that later) regularly, and even brought the ex along on some of their dates. That explained why he had been down, he was worried she was still involved with her ex.
He went to visit her a couple more times, then one day he we went completely off the radar. He deleted his Facebook account, stopped signing into Discord or Steam, stopped answering his phone and replying to messages. He even stopped turning up for work and got fired. One or two people managed to get through to him in this time, so we knew he was alive.
A month later, he opened up contact again and told us his girlfriend was coming to London to meet everyone. I happened to be in another country while she was in London, but I'm told everyone loved her. She was incredibly sweet and charismatic. Everyone welcomed her with open arms and she fit right in to our little group.
I came back to the UK and my friend opened up to me. He agreed to tell me everything that had happened as long as I kept it a secret from the rest of our group (perhaps I'm an asshole for posting it on the internet though).
Her *"ex"* was never her ex, they were still dating. Furthermore, over the course of their "relationship" she had slept with 11 different guys. She was completely unapologetic about this, and had been tormenting him with it regularly. She would message him saying "I'm horny, I guess I'll invite a guy over" and things like that. She even went to meet a guy she had met on the internet when she came to visit London.
Despite this, she had kept up a perfect image on the outside. Her friends thought that she was in a committed relationship with her *"ex"*, and that my friend was some weirdo who had a crush on her. They knew nothing about the 10 other guys that she had slept with over the past year.
Shortly after my friend opened up to me, he had another social blackout. This time *no one* could contact him at all. We literally didn't know if he was alive. His girlfriend starting blowing up our group chats trying to garner sympathy. She would say things like, "I'm so worried about him, I hope he's okay". Everyone we knew had completely fallen for her and was giving her all the attention she craved, comforting her and
I was going through a pretty dark time (being cheated on by my own girlfriend) and couldn't stand it. I confronted her and said, "You can't think of any reason he could be sad, can you?".
She played dumb, so I pressed some more. She kept insisting that she had no idea what was wrong and people were beginning to get angry at me, saying that I shouldn't give her so much trouble when she's clearly just worried about her boyfriend.
So I dropped the bomb and in a group chat of almost 200 people said something along the lines of, "You've slept with 11 different men over the course of your relationship, that's why he's sad." She stopped replying. The people who were angry at me before sent me private messages apologising.
A week or so later, my friend came back online and told me that the girl had broken up with him. I told him everything that happened, and it looked like they broke up the day after I called her out in the group chat. He was a little upset with me, and we drifted apart over the next year or so (I moved to another country, so that could be why we drifted apart).
I'm going back to the UK for Christmas and we're gonna hang out, but I'm wondering if it was wrong to tell everyone. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
aQrYbXoLn3yvPztofGEFecu0eNCebInm | b6lbwt | {
"description": "not housing my \"retired\" aunt who has nowhere to live",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not housing my "retired" aunt who has nowhere to live? | Long story short, my aunt retired from a long museum career at 55 with no savings, very little benefits, and against everyone's advice (including my dad, who is a financial adviser). We all knew she would run out of money in a few years, and couldn't understand what she was thinking. She does have some health problems which, to complicate matters, she often exaggerates to the point that no one is sure how seriously to take her. For example, she's overweight and experiences problems with her knees, back, etc. because of it, but will do anything not to acknowledge this and lose some weight. She also claims to be "mildly diabetic", but somehow doesn't need to take insulin. On the other hand, she was hospitalized for a minor procedure last year, and is now saddled with understandably overwhelming medical bills. She is not grossly financially irresponsible by any means that I know of, excepting this rather strange retirement.
She simply has no money to pay rent, and has been trading house sitting, pet sitting, organizing, administrative work, etc. to live in friend's guest houses for the last five years. Her last arrangement ended, and she is now in need of a place to stay. She has five siblings, including my mom, none of whom are well off enough financially to provide housing for her, and none of whom even have a spare room for her to stay in (everyone lives in 1 bedroom apartments). She has no partner or children, and her parents have both passed.
I'm a 25 year old female, and will be moving soon. I can barely afford a studio apartment in the neighborhood where I work, but perhaps if I committed to a much longer commute I could help her out. In spite of her flaws she's a really lovely person, although she has a lot of things she needs to work out. I feel really bad that no one in the family can help her, and I feel partially responsible for her well being, but I also selfishly don't want to live with family, whom I have been very happy to have some distance from. Would I be TA for not offering her some kind of help?
TL:DR my aunt will have no where to live soon because she retired with no savings, medical debt, and few benefits. Would I be TA for not trying to help her? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XE5p5Mh0a7i43d5URNkkLxn8DzFmck2m | arrrue | {
"description": "not letting my husband sleep on the couch",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not letting my husband sleep on the couch? | When my husband is tired earlier than normal he never wants to just go to bed in the bedroom. He always wants to sleep on the couch and wait for me to wake him up at bedtime so we can go to bed together. Makes no sense to me but I think he cant sleep as well if i'm not in the bed with him. I hate when he sleeps on the couch if i'm on the couch. He takes up all of the room and snores while i'm still trying to watch tv or browse the web. I could technically move but the couch is not for sleeping... the bed is. AITA for telling him he can't sleep on his own couch if he wants to? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
jDQwVTeuE4FirnfRElko11dXZpSpCO0k | 9xgo3u | null | AITA: The landscapers left a miniature basketball in the shrubs that had been sitting in a lake and I took it. | Today I was collecting rain water and potting a plant for my neighbor. The landscapers came to cut the lawn and clean up foliage. One of them left a small size basketball in the shrubs in the rear of my building that has been sitting in a lake which abuts another development where some discarded toys (mostly balls) from backyards end up. The property around my condo is considered communal and is not owned by me. I saw the ball and thought I could clean it up and give it to my friend who has a 1 yr old dog as a toy to play with. I picked it up and put it in my back patio not thinking twice that it was basically discarded trash which was cleaned up by the landscaping crew. Later I thought that maybe one of the landscapers after putting away their power tools and going about with trash cans and rakes may have wanted it for their child or dog. Obviously they don't make much money and this could have been their intention. Or, it would have ended up in the trash with other objects that were cleaned up. I feel bad. I feel torn.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZnX33VAzFPzDeUr7AenvQWBWRufMiSDT | araoog | {
"description": "not making my son accept an apology and apologize back",
"pronormative_score": 77,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not making my son accept an apology and apologize back. | My son (4 years old) has a classmate that we see at the ymca play area after school twice a week. This classmate is a good kid but a little wild and much larger than my son.
My son likes to build buildings in this play area with the other kids. He is not a perfect child (has trouble sharing and has a potty mouth) but is very playful and social with other kids.
This classmate of his knocks the buildings down and tackles, hits and kicks my son without provocation. He is twice the size of my son. His dad intervenes and makes him apologize, but after the third time my son said he did not want to play with this kid and that he did not want to be friends with this kid anymore. This made his classmate cry.
The dad told me that my son should accept his apology and shouldn't be mean to his son by saying they aren't friends. I also got the feeling he wanted an apology from us. I told my son he doesn't have to play with anyone he doesn't want to. It is important to me that my son be kind to everyone even of they aren't to him, but I don't want my son to feel obligated to stay in a situation where someone is touching him in a way he doesn't like.
AITA for not doing these things?
I am pretty sure that my kid was not wrong to not want to play with this kid after the third incident, but saying he didn't want to be friends any more may be too mean.
| HISTORICAL | {
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RrBVr19OVHBB2CFp7YUf1d9zTaD0fifp | aozr6e | {
"description": "getting upset at a friend for being annoying and condescending",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset at a friend for being annoying and condescending? | So I have know this guy for about 8 years. We met in high school and quickly became friends since we both were kind of the outcasts. He has always been the type of person who is kind of annoying but I never cared because I knew he was just trying to be funny. (side note, he has adhd) Well a few years after high school we ended up working at the same store and I thought it was great! I always enjoyed his company. We went away to help build up a new store (Same store only in a different city) I really wanted him to go with me since he was my best friend and I'd feel so much better with him there.
While working he would continue to be annoying, I thought I was used to it but I guess not. And after awhile he even been to be condesending towards me. Saying stuff like:
"You can't handle more then that?"
"You are to slow, stop slacking" (I was working to the point that I wanted to go cry in the bathroom because of my anxiety)
I asked him to stop multiple times, and guess what, he didn't listen. So after 4 days of putting up with his crap I resorted to text him, telling him to stop annoying me and stop putting himself above me. It was my first time ever building up a new store and he had done it once before but also worked other jobs so of course he could handle the pain and long hours (it was 12 hour shifts with little to no breaks, was going to be working for 14 days ended up leaving after 5). He texted me back saying that I had never asked him to stop annoying me, never asked him to try and be nice etc. He even dragged his 3 year old daughter into it saying:
"Even my daughter (not going to write her name) knows how to say stop and she is 3!"
"You learn how to say stop in kindergarten, maybe you should go back there"
After awhile I got tired of this and told him that I appreciated the time we had and hoped he had a good life. I got back:
"Sounds good, I don't need people who can't say no in my life. Maybe try and stop being a little bitch 👏🏻 Goodbye 👋🏻"
So the reason why I am asking is because almost everyone of our mutual friends says that I was the one who didn't tell him to stop, that I made a mistake breaking up our friendship, you know, since he is just such a good guy. So reddit:
AITA?
(P.S my first time ever posting anything on reddit and also I am on my phone) | HISTORICAL | {
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jCdJ6yVRxy9XlwsXpXsvqfsmw7SQLqf3 | a54bbh | {
"description": "taking advantage of the fact that my girlfriend only likes sex when drunk",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for taking advantage of the fact that my girlfriend only likes sex when drunk? | So this is a complicated situation. Been with my girlfriend around 2 years and have lived together like a month. I love her a lot. Sexually though, we’ve had some issues. She’s down to make out, give head, handjobs, etc. But for whatever reason she’s not into penetration. I really don’t know why. She says it’s unpleasant even with lube. I have tried foreplay, sometimes for hours. It doesn’t seem to help.
Thing is though, whenever she drinks, she’s totally fine with penetration. She’ll even get on top and ride me, which is just not a thing if she’s sober. I’m starting to feel bad. I look forward to nights when she goes out with her friend after work and comes home tipsy. Sometimes if she doesn’t hit the bar I’ll make drinks for her, hoping one thing will lead to another.
She’s never really brought this up. But there have been a few times in the morning she’s asked if we had sex the night before. That concerned me and I got scared I had sex with her while she was blacked out. I was always honest though about whether we did it and she never seemed bothered by it.
By the way, she’s a very functional drunk. Always coherent. A stranger probably wouldn’t even know. But she’s much more adventurous, which I happen to enjoy.
Am I messed up for this?? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 20,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 25,
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} | RIGHT |
KvI1plwkitXDncmhBg5Miw8qxwYYhlUs | aift52 | {
"description": "asking the garage to reimburse me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I ask the garage to reimburse me? | Recently my car has had some troubles with the clutch (the pedal itself, not the actual clutch). I took it down to a fancy German car garage - I drive a small Audi, and while it’s not particularly expensive, it is my baby and I was willing to pay more to have my car fixed properly. They tell me it’s a pin, and the part should cost me £15, and per hour they are £120 and it’ll take around 1.5 hours so they quote me at £190 something pounds. The per hour fee is expensive, but I’m in an expensive city and in an expensive garage, so I don’t mind, assuming the work will be done perfectly.
Cut to go picking up my car after 3 days, got the nasty surprise that they didn’t include tax when quoting me so it ended up being around £240 or so. Whatever, I just want this whole ordeal to be over. It’s a Friday, and I drive myself home (about 2 miles) then to the supermarket (round trip of a mile) and then pick up a friend from the station (half a mile) and the clutch goes again. I’m fuming. My car has done all of 5 miles and it’s broke again. I took it to a bit of a dad garage when I was at home, and they “temporarily” fixed it on New Year’s Day using a bit of plastic. That’s lasted around 700 miles on my car and I paid £15.
I take it back to the garage and the receptionist tells me to speak to the mechanic. He explains he was trying to make it as cheap as possible for me by only replacing one part, but now the entire pedal-box has to be switched over which I don’t think is going to be cheap. My dad says the whole thing is a bit dodgy and I’m thinking of taking it to another garage depending on the price they quote me tomorrow anyways, but I want to be reimbursed/refunded. It was a huge waste of my time, I lost my car for 3 days. I had to Uber back and forth from the garage (it was freezing and there’s no close station), and the price they charged me was extortion. It may not have been their fault that my car is broken, but I asked them to fix my car and they didn’t. Does it make me the arsehole to want my money back, even though they technically provided what I needed?
TL;DR garage charged me money for fixing the car, car was fixed for 2 days and broke again, do I deserve my money back or is it just one of those things. | HISTORICAL | {
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ZkokWioYQDHfKckiDZjzactNWrBDNvaa | a4h37c | {
"description": "asking about his past",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking about his past? | A few weeks ago the bf told a funny story about his "almost hookup". Being the curious gf and also wanting to giggle a but more about it (was trying to steer the relationship to be alright to talk openly about anything, be it embarrassing stories or exes, and to show him it's no biggie). He says he doesnt want to talk about it that he forgot who it was so I ask it it was so and so. He says yeah so I'm like "omg no way!". But it didnt add up with his story at the time.
So cut to rn, we do a secret-for-a-secret, so I bring it up, turns out it's a completely other person. I asked why he lied, and he argues that it wasn't a lie, that I should be asking those questions in the first place. I tell him not to lie like that and he freaks out and says we are going to eat out anymore because of my "fit". Hes in the restaurant rn waiting for me, said to come in when I'm done. So, am I the asshole? Comment if you need any additional details. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
FiDTaXgrOo4xpq942Zsh5WBEpy9bFtYh | b8uycf | {
"description": "riding the Choo-Choo train",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA - Riding The Choo-Choo Train | Okay, here's the scenario.
I take the train to my state capital a few days a week for university classes. One of the days I sit down on the train at 6:45 am and I return home at 8:00 pm. A long day. The train I get home is a VERY popular service and is always crowded when we leave the Capital but after a few stops as we get closer to my station, I always have people sitting next to me and they won't move to an open seat. My social anxiety is bad enough, but I am tall and large and I need my space. Also, I get to the train 10-15 mins early to sit in my ideal seat.
Am I the butthole if I ask them to move to an open seat? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
30ogsxSsqrPyWUo37khx9SoRCGYkYPZq | at1drf | {
"description": "refusing to help my father",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to help my father? | My father asked me if I could pick my brother up from school and then get picked up by my mother later in the afternoon. I refused because I had to study for a Mock test in three days and I had to post an essay to a college I needed to get in. He said he couldn't do it because he had to discuss something with the water department as 300 rs were being falsely attributed to us (around 3 dollars).
We then had an argument over why I should pick him. My father said that I lounge around all day and should pick him and a lot of money would be wasted if he went. I told him you could discuss the money over the weekend and for now, just pick up my brother and be done with it (my father is unemployed). He didn't listen and kept ranting on about the importance of money and said I was a disrespectful little idiot and I didn't know about the importance of money when I asked him why he was losing that much sleep for about 300rs and he could always re-schedule for some other time. I don't have a bike or a car btw we'd go by rickshaw or taxi.
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nPUr62d7xwePFasfarxBmWrW1IowkDb5 | 9x92s6 | {
"description": "accidentally shaming two girls at a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for accidentally shaming two girls at a restaurant? | They were discussing the mechanics of oral sex at a nearby table easily within earshot. One girl insists that blow jobs look weird visually; her friend insists that "I'm sure he doesn't care how it looks" (and she's right), etc.
I wasn't following their conversation but certain topics just grab your attention and after about a minute of this I was sort of laughing. It was a pretty soft laugh- more of a self-aware chuckle. Not my goal to draw attention but it was enough for them to notice.
I should clarify I really wasn't trying to shame them. I'm not a prude and I have no opinion on their choice of conversation topic. I just happened to overhear and I happened to find what I heard amusing. Anyway, after a moment they were both laughing with me, and I made eye contact with both and smiled, and I thought we were all on the same page. I wasn't laughing *at* them; *we* were laughing together. But then they promptly got up, paid, and left, without finishing their food. So obviously they were pretty embarrassed. Cue guilt.
For context, this happened at a pho spot in the University district near my apartment, and these girls looked like they were probably first or second year students. I'm M/20s if these details matter.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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fGP7aZT9CweHh2P5BKK5F9CPiLq5lo4S | apdga3 | {
"description": "indirectly causing a co-worker's seizure",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For indirectly causing a co-worker's seizure | **Background**
25 Male, Manager at a Restaurant for 8 months. Co-worker is 19 Male, also Manager for the same amount of time as me.
**Scenario**
My Wife and I have been having problems with our house that we've lived in for 8 months now. Come to found out, there's zero insulation in the attic and all of our heat is escaping. We set up a plan to wake at 9am, get the supplies to amend this; then I can head to work at 5pm (working until close @10pm). We spend awhile getting supplies, head straight home and start the job. Many problems and solutions later, it's 4pm, and I haven't even started blowing the actual insulation. The rental equipment is only free for today, so to save money, the job must be completed today. We also can't have my pregnant wife and toddler son breathing uncleaned fiberglass insulation, so I really want to finish and clean everything all in one go.
I tell my General Manager (GM) that I can't come in, but he refuses my statement and says that I'm not allowed to call off. I attempt to find a replacement, but no other Managers are available. A standard employee can cover, but GM says no. I consult with the Wife, who agrees with my desire to finish today and call in. I tell the GM again that I'm not coming in and that I'll just accept the disciplinary warning. I at least offer to come in when I'm done so nobody else has to complete nightly money/inventory paperwork.
Co-worker texts me saying that he has dinner plans with his family and feels obligated to work a double shift (working my night in addition to his day) if I don't show up. I apologize, tell him that I won't be coming and the conversation ends there. Turns out my co-worker got so stressed out that he had a panic attack, which turned into a seizure; causing him to fall and hit his head and get sent to the Hospital. I didn't discover these events until I finished my task at 9pm and told the GM that I could now come to finish the paperwork. He recounted the story, told me he would do paperwork, not to worry about it and that he'd see me tomorrow to sign a disciplinary sheet. Everything minus the panic-induced seizure was expected.
**TL;DR**
Called off work to finish blowing insulation in an empty attic for pregnant wife and child. Rental was only free for today. Co-worker who covered shift ended up having a seizure and got sent to the Hospital due to the stress of a double shift. | HISTORICAL | {
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MijUHmFF3b0iI3FYWdHd9yLI5f8Q16vK | b7hbow | {
"description": "abandoning my anti-lgbt family",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA, if i abandon my anti-LGBT family? | So yeah, first time poster, i was wonding if id be the asshole in this situation.
Im 15 and closet trans person (MtF) and very afraid to come out to my parents and friends
My family is a very religious chistian mexican family who dont believe in the LGBT stuff
Their reasons are:
•God
Thats it, their only point is that the bibble says that its bad to be gay, we had hundreds of discussions about gay peeps, the first time i asked was to see their points on LGBT stuff
"God made Men to be with women and women with men, there is no middle ground in this stuff"
Thats their argument
My mum has a stress problem that is becoming serious by the day, and i cant help but to feel guilt as most of her stress came from me, im bad at school, and my sis recently had a doughter but the dad abandoned them, my dad is in israel for work stuff (miner), im the only male in the household and i still sleep in my mums bedroom (the second floor is being worked on) i dont want to hurt them in anyway or form
I am forced to lie and agree with them as i dont want to get grounded for my opinion, this has me very bummed out and one of my best friend is trying to get me to move with him (He knows im trans) problem is: im in Mexico and he is in Colorado. Im working on how to cross the border legally.
So yeah, will i be the asshole if i leave them? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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qQAtxhSsckNSNEZLppWIGmRkzka6mfkD | ayuoae | {
"description": "ghosting my \"best friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ghosting my "best friend" |
I could go into more detail if anyone wants, but I don't want this to become a validation/shit post.
Basically me and my "best friend's" friendship has been growing increasingly toxic over the last year, and I feel like she's just become toxic herself.
The final straw was her and I hadn't talked for a few weeks, until she told me she needed a **big** favor. I had my own stuff going on I had to put on hold to help her, but she's my bff and was desperate so I helped. Once the situation was mostly resolved I didn't hear from her for weeks (I had tried reaching out a few times as I needed more info from her to finish up the favor, but she would just leave me on read/ignore me).
Yesterday she sent me a snap but I just cleared her out of my chats instead of opening it. I don't plan on talking to her again if I can avoid it. I'm mostly annoyed how she ignored me when I was doing a big favor and needed help, but I've just been super unhappy in our friendship otherwise for a while.
WIBTA if I didn't talk to her again? | HISTORICAL | {
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znd869LYBcfd3sQxGYjtOnNg2CdSDbtn | au9n2g | {
"description": "embarrassing my sister",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for embarrassing my sister. | So, here it goes. I was an innocent 10 year old, minding my business and such when I came upon my sister in the checkouts. She had, ( what looked like to be ) baby’s diapers ( at the time). So there I was, shouting a little too loud saying “ why you getting diapers?” I later realised that they were not what I perceived to be. Then other people started giving us funny looks, and we left pretty quickly KEEP IN MIND: I did not know about this kinda stuff, and I thought I was having a normal conversation. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 1,
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bFR8g6QS90Jl3PYa2AUi1X4VbrTOGYtE | b5g21l | {
"description": "refusing to take pics of my daughter during dance class and keeping my mom away from class time",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to take pics of my daughter during dance class and keeping my mom away from class time? | i know the title sounds bad, just hear me out first.
my mom pays for my daughter to go to dance class every saturday. aside from the first class, i take her there by myself because it’s close to my apartment and my mom lives 45 minutes away. almost every week, she asks me to take pictures of her during the class. i know that all she wants is to see her granddaughter enjoying the class, but when we signed up, they told us (it’s also written in the signup packet they gave us) that the girls are to be left alone during class as they don’t want disruptions and that there will be a few classes where the parents will be invited in afterward to see their progress. i don’t take pics for my mom because i don’t want to distract the girls. also, because i know that my mom doesn’t give a shit and will happily interrupt to get her own pics if she was there, i’ve always made a point to meet up with her a couple hours after class is over if we make plans to see each other that day.
she hasn’t called me on it yet, but i think she’ll soon catch on to what i’m doing. i do get a little overly-anxious in social situations, especially when it involves the possibility of annoying other people, so i’m prepared to acknowledge that i’m being paranoid and am the asshole here, but i could really use some outside opinions... AITA?? | HISTORICAL | {
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bTk7hsPHs9JNZvBGt0LjGox7HyKTZ3Yu | b0gpw4 | {
"description": "refusing to go out in the rain and get carts at my job because they only send me to spare the females having to get wet and cold",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA: I refused to go out in the rain and get carts at my job because they only send me to spare the females having to get wet and cold. | I work at your typical large chain retail store. Every single night that I close they send me out to get the carts up for the night. They blatantly have said multiple times Send him out he is the only guy we have up here and it’s cold outside. This last time it was pouring rain and was relatively chilly out, and I refused to go out and have to spend the last two hours of my shift walking around in wet shoes simply because I’m the only male there. The women that I work with are payed equal to me and have the physical capability to do this part of the job, so I think it is fair to ask them to go do this task. AITA for thinking that this isn’t fair or right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
wuL8dt01D010XNhNKiaQhrK5Y8ZyxGZk | a4qtp5 | {
"description": "having (legal) weed in the house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for having (legal) weed in the house? | Internet friends. Let me regale you with a recent tale. There's no TLDR at the end, because details are important, although I do apologize for the novel.
Pertinent info to the story: I am 27 years old, the youngest of 3 siblings who are both married, have kids, have steady jobs, etc. I am single, an avid traveler, don't like to sit still for very long. I lovingly refer to myself as the family fuck-up, or the black sheep, because I have always been the odd man out in our otherwise-perfect-American-dream family. Recently home from living abroad for a year, my brother (henceforth referred to as B) and his wife (henceforth referred to as SIL) invited me to live with them for a while until I get my feet back under me. I nannied my 1.5-year-old niece for a few months in exchange for free housing before finding a steady job, but am continuing to live with them for as long as I need, until I get some money saved up for a place of my own, paying them a couple hundred bucks in rent each month.
We live in Colorado, a legal marijuana state. I smoke, but am **very** careful about keeping it in child-proof bags and containers, and keeping it HIGH out of reach from my niece. Sometimes *I* can't even reach it because it's so inaccessible. B, SIL, and I have talked about smoking before. B has never done it, but SIL said she used to smoke a lot in college, and she and I have talked about smoking together. I've even mentioned my trips to the dispensary before. I never exactly came right out and said I smoke though.
I would never smoke inside someone else's home and would never smoke at a time when I have the chance of interacting with my niece, so I wait until everyone has gone to bed for the night (B and SIL both leave by 5am so are asleep by 8:30pm) and go outside to smoke. Not necessarily trying to hide it, just trying to be respectful and responsible.
A few weeks ago, SIL had family coming into town who would be using my bedroom as the guest room. I had a friend coming into town the same weekend, so friend and I booked a hostel to stay in. I took my weed stash with me. When I returned back to the house after the weekend, I tossed my duffel bag (with stash inside) onto my bed and left for work. While I was gone, SIL opened my door to put my water bottle in my room. We've had issues before with privacy, or lack thereof. When I got home, B and SIL were waiting for me.
The general track of the conversation was, "Hey, did you smoke in your room? Or is there weed in there? It reeks in there. I opened your door to put your water bottle in there and smelled it."
Me: "There's weed in there, but no, I would never smoke inside."
Direct quote from B: "Well we don't care if you have it, we just don't want it to smell because we don't want that closet to smell when you move out."
Me: "Totally understood. I don't want my stuff to smell. Sorry about that, I'll buy a smellproof container for it."
SIL: "We would appreciate that. In college, my roommate kept hers in a wooden cigar box, maybe that would work?"
Conversation is over, we all move on. When I went upstairs to my room and opened the door, I didn't detect a single hint of weed smell. Possible that I'm nose blind, possible that she was snooping. Unclear.
Unfortunately, I was broke that week and needed to wait until Friday payday to buy the jar. In the meantime, I triple Ziplocked my stash and made sure it didn't smell.
Friday rolls around. B and SIL take niece to SIL's work holiday party for the evening. It seemed like the perfect time to switch the stash, so I ran out to Target and bought a smellproof jar, went home, went into my room and separated my stash into little baggies dividing up the strains, putting them into the jar, not thinking about the fact that my weed being out would smell. This is 100% my fault, for letting it smell. To be clear, **was not** smoking inside (or outside, for that matter).
B and SIL get home, drunk. B comes upstairs with my niece to put her to bed and says, "Whoa, it smells like weed up here. What the hell?" I was like "Oh shit I'm sorry! I went and bought that smellproof jar and transferred it all over, so it was out."
B: "How long does the smell last?"
Me: "Not long at all, should be gone in an hour. I'm sorry. I lit a candle too."
B: "All good, I just don't want it to linger. But it's in the jar now, right? So we're good?"
Me: "Yup, all clear."
He was satisfied with this answer and moved along. But then SIL comes upstairs and just starts yelling. "THAT IS MY LEAST FAVORITE SMELL IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, JESUS, THAT IS HORRIBLE, I FUCKING HATE IT."
I was just trying to be a fly on the wall as B explains that it smells because I was putting it into the smell proof jar. They go into their room, but were yelling loudly enough that I could hear every word. General consensus from SIL is that she doesn't want it in her house. Suddenly, she's at my door.
"I think it would be best if you could find a new place to live." She also removed the dogs (their dogs) from my room, dragging them out by the collars, putting off the very obvious message that I'm not even responsible enough to have the dogs in my room. And told me that she had found a new babysitter for the following night (I was supposed to be watching my niece on Saturday night while they went to B's overnight work holiday party). This was a very aggressive conversation, a hair shy of yelling from her end.
I left the house that night, and spent the night driving from parking lot to parking lot. The next morning they called and wanted to apologize. They said wires had been crossed during our last conversation, and that they didn't want it in the house at all. At the risk of showing bias, I truly don't understand how the previous conversation could have been misinterpreted on either their end nor mine, as both of them even gave suggestions as to appropriate containers to keep it in. They also rescinded the comment about me not babysitting, and asked if I could indeed babysit that night, which I willingly did.
I have tried to be extremely civil since this happened last weekend, but SIL continues to be hostile. I overheard a phone conversation with her and her best friend: "I just don't want someone like that in my house. I don't want her to rub off on \[niece\]." etc.
At first, I was 100% convinced that this whole thing was no fault of my own. My fault for letting it smell while transferring, yes, but the rest of it, no. But after a week of constantly being made to feel less-than, I am feeling rather crappy about myself.
So....AITA? Am I the **real** family fuck-up, not just the playful one? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
wuUeb0nZKEs7ayoaqDnPfLsby9TrqtUk | ankak4 | {
"description": "leaving Mailman a scolding note",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Leaving Mailman a Scolding Note | A bit of background is helpful first.
The mailman for my area frequently misdelivers letters and packages in my neighborhood, including several of my packages in the last couple months. For example, the Christmas present my wife bought me was misdelivered to a neighbor and we never recovered it. I also regularly receive important mail for the household across the street (I would estimate 1-3 times a month) and have to walk it over to her.
With that in mind... Yesterday I was supposed to receive a package that contained a high-value ($100+) item. The USPS tracking told me that it was delivered at 5:40 pm and left in a parcel locker. However, when I went to retrieve it there was no key in my box to the parcel locker. This lead me to the conclusion it was yet another package misdelivered by USPS.
Upset about this, I printed out the tracking sheet showing the delivery of the item along with a note in the box for my mailman to receive. The note was semi-rude and said something like \*"I was supposed to receive a package today and the attached tracking shows it was delivered in parcel locker. There is no note and no key! Is there any chance you left the key in wrong mailbox? Please pay more attention as I constantly receive the wrong mail or have my packages misdelivered!"\*
The next day I ended up retrieving my package.. And I genuinely feel bad about the scolding note and wish I could take it back. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
gzlZJi7wnICPxg3nZOk8JKDyzUyeoC77 | a92smh | {
"description": "making a joke with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making a joke with a friend? | First time posting here, be gentle
I was at a summer camp for high schoolers and we had adult group counselors, right? One of the counselors was known to get very triggered over small things. So me and a friend were joking with one of our genderfluid friends about "identifying as an attack helicopter". (For the record I am lgbtq) Everyone was laughing but the counselor heard and told us "I feel like you're making fun of a very important issue and I need you to stop"
I sincerely apologised, saying "I'm very sorry, I did not mean to offend you" and backed off.
Three days later, two of the camp admins wanted to talk to me alone. They said the counselor submitted a formal complaint for transphobic comments. I fully support, understand, and know a lot of genderfluid/trans people and I am in no way against any human being regardless of gender.
Luckily, the admin was one of my old counselors (I've gone to this camp for years) and understood I would never do that on purpose and let me off the hook. The director still madee talk to someone to describe what happened and he said the person who filled that complaint overreacted.
So Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OfWwE8ZkVy4tWMH16yyPeVZR3aR3f5Dj | ayvfo1 | {
"description": "telling my wife I would no longer help take care of her father",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if i told my wife i would no longer help take care of her father | So, a little background on me. I don't have a good relationship with my family at all. My biological father passed when i was 13, and my adopted father (my grandfather) passed when i was 21, and i don't have much to do with my biological mother or adopted mother. So, the scenario i'm about to describe will never happen on my side of the family.
January of last year, my 70 year old father-in-law (divorced) was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Prognosis on this type of cancer is typically not good (like a year or less). Fast forward 14 months, and he has beat the statistics. He underwent chemo, radiation, and a massive surgery and is been deemed cancer free. All of last year, my wife and i pretty much put our lives on hold to take care of him. Wife has a brother, but he lives in OK, and even if he was closer, he's pretty much useless for anything expect consuming oxygen. We have PoA, so we (and be we, i mean me) handle all his financial affairs. They were a total disaster when we took them over. He had tons of debt, no savings, and was telling my wife and her brother that the 3 cars he owned and his house were all paid off. So, i got all his debt taken care of and got him into a position where he could live off of his SS and small pension check he gets every month. The disability check he gets right now from his employer is just going into savings.
So, we get him home after the massive surgery, and we took turns staying with him around the clock for over a month while the other took care of our kids (3 are college age, 1 in elementary, and 1 in middle school). Home health came in as well during this time with OT and PT in order to help him build up his strength so that he would be able to do all the things he needs to do to live by himself again. He did the exercises fine while OT and PT where in the house, but once they left he simply laid on the couch or in his bed and never did any of the things they told him he needed to do between visits, but told them he had done them. He has pretty much made zero effort to try and do anything to build his strength to be more independent.
It's taken a toll on both of us, but has also taken a toll on our marriage. We aren't talking about divorce , but it's definitely had a negative impact. My wife works part time, so it's not a big strain on her from that standpoint. I work full time, and i drive over an hour each way to my job. Between kids extracurricular activities, work, and having to take care of him, there is no time left for me and the wife (or for us as a family unit) to even see each other if we go back to taking care of him full time .
One last note. I know that this has been extremely difficult for him, as he has been the one fighting cancer. I also know that along with that comes some depression. I get it.
So, WIBTA if i tell my wife that i can't help with taking care of him full time again and we need to consider putting him in either an assisted living home or a nursing home? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
RvOqc70sIulip52tJJBHlLHJSqTmJwpi | b5u27u | {
"description": "being jealous/upset of my bffs success",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being jealous/upset of my bffs success? | I know, I know—
The title probably makes me sound bad, but hear me out.
My best friend and I have been really into drawing for years now. She’s been drawing for a bit longer than I have, although we’re on just about the same skill level. We both tend to draw a lot in class, especially classes we share together. However, it would always seem teachers would pass by, and they would compliment her and her drawing, suggest art schools, talk about her future and just seem to have a grand old time, but when they see that I’m drawing, I get told to put it away and do my work (although today I had gotten all my work done whilst she didn’t do anything and spent her time drawing and socializing, the teacher said nothing.)
I know it probably sounds stupid and petty, but I just feel like I’m being under-appreciated (if that’s what the phrase is idk). I get praise from family when I show them my work, Yeah, but it’s only when I approach them, and it really seems like they’re only doing it because they feel like they need to, to not hurt my feelings. Just as a note: I’ve never acted out or talked to my friend about my feelings, I just feel bad thinking this way. So, idk, y’all tell me;
AITA for being jealous/upset of my best friends praise and success? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GgnsJ1G3OKnxB9nY6mbsnuI6OrCXGQF5 | acp01b | {
"description": "sleeping with girls my ex doesn't want me to",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for sleeping with girls my ex doesn't want me to? | I(30m) was dating a girl (30f) for a couple years. Various issues made us both miserable, one of which was our sporadic / vanilla sex life. We agreed to take some time apart and not be boyfriend / girlfriend but still go on dates, starting over from a clean slate. Since then sex has been great, with us both trying new things. Everything between us as people just dating has been pretty alright... Not amazing, not horrible; also not the point of this post.
When we split up and stopped being boyfriend / girlfriend, we had a candid discussion about boundaries for who we would sleep with and not making the other person upset. We agreed not to sleep with each others friends, and not rub it in the others face if we were sleeping with other people.
I completely agree with this and have been adhering to it. I haven't had sex with anyone else yet, but have become closer with some women who have obvious interest. My now-ex Facebook stalked one and insisted that I not sleep with her because the new girl gave her "a bad feeling". Another is a girl I've had friend zoned for at least 5 years but suddenly is very interested(we haven't done anything) - my ex had never met her until yesterday at a social gathering and had a 5 minute conversation. The ex is now insisting that I not sleep with this girl because she "knows her".
I'm likely to gonna be having sex with both of these girls anyway, even though my ex doesn't want me to. Does that make me the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
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