id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
LUTBlMjtoOFu9PRk0eJd9CAExBQXjV26 | atky0f | {
"description": "getting mad at a girl for pulling my hat off on a date",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA For getting mad at a girl for pulling my hat off on a date. | Hey guys I met this girl on tinder and we have gone out twice before our third date. Things where going pretty good and we where getting along well until our third date. We where eating outside at a restaurant and she leans out of no where and asks why I'm always wearing a hat and pulls it off without asking. I wasn't expecting that and it really annoyed me.
​
She had no way of knowing I always wear a hat (yes on all our previous dates as well) because of starting to bold around the sides of my head and I'm pretty insecure about it. My immediate reaction was to take my back hat fast and tell her that was rude. She laughed it off and said she was just joking around but I was pretty ticked off for the rest of the date. Despite that I think we had good chemistry and I just got to annoyed and surprised at the moment by the sudden intrusion so I didn't react to well. But since then she has been blowing me off, I think I was right to be annoyed by her snatching my cap without asking but now shes the one thats acting like her feelings are hurt it's left me wondering if ITA.
​
I'm also wondering if maybe she saw my sides balding and didn't find it attractive. So shes using this as an excuse to ghost me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 15
} | RIGHT |
MV2IWMkGJvOTYtUXgUXDIVJ4dVOT3Mc6 | app7lb | {
"description": "giving ultimatums",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for giving ultimatums? | Typing this on my phone, so I’m sorry about formatting.
My SO and I love each other very much and although it doesn’t bother me too much, have a sort of dynamic I wouldn’t mind changing. We don’t really joke and play around the way other couples do (giving each other the business every now and then, calling names and such). Something that goes along with that is how we speak to and treat each other. I’m very big on doing her favours and helping her out with things, but an even bigger thing for mutual respect.
I mention that because as I tend to do most of the things she asks me for, it’s very hit or miss the other way around. She’ll deny me a favour much more often than I would her. It started to get to me one day. I asked her if she could find a movie for us to watch, and she said ‘pass’
Okay, maybe she just didn’t want to watch anything. Later on I asked if she could heat me up some soup (something I do regularly for her) and again, no. So I jokingly told her that I’d never do anything for her again. I thought it was obvious I was joking, I mean to NEVER do her another favour again, EVER? But she got upset.
She told me that that was manipulative and uncalled for. I explained to her that I was joking and that the reason I said it was that she gets mad when I deny her favours WAY to often for her to say no to me so often. That’s right, I didn’t mention before. On the off-chance I do say no to her, she gets upset and it’s as if it’s the norm for me to say no.
Fast forward and I’m playing a video game while talking to her. She’s on her phone doing something else. I begin to say something and she cuts me off, so I stop. A little while later, I begin to try again and she cuts me off again. Now I don’t know if it’s important to mention that she was making comments to herself, but she certainly thought it was. I stopped talking and didn’t continue.
A while later, she said
‘Anyway, you were saying something?’
To which I replied ‘I was. Twice.’
Then we got into a huge fight because I told her that if she’s going to cut me off, I’m going to stop talking. This is something I told her I disliked enough times before. But she said again that that was manipulative and abusive language.
I was dumbfounded. If simply asking her not to speak over me doesn’t help, then how else could I get the point across?
She said that every time I say anything like the things I mentioned above, it’s manipulative and she actually started crying.
I’m so lost.
Tl;dr: I told my SO that if she speaks over me, I would stop speaking entirely.
And explained to her that she shouldn’t get mad if I deny her a favour is she does it to me as often as she does. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
y8mvfgYDPwGoOWr6Pk1EXnFG6RvoVql0 | b2r2ft | {
"description": "going out of my way to tell this girl that shes being cheated on",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I went out of my way to tell this girl that shes being cheated on. | Ill spare the details. I do not know this couple, they are a friend of a friends. All I know is that they are engaged and the guy has been cheating on his girl with one of my close friends and allegedly multiple other women. On one hand I feel like since I know nothing about these people I should stay out of their business, but on the other hand I have been cheated on and if I were in her situation I would be grateful if a stranger provided me with this information for me to investigate. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fBuxMr6z7qNj7uKTcZxA3dezvhGzrxhh | aqzhv3 | {
"description": "repeatedly borrowing money from my mother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for repeatedly borrowing money from my mother? | First off, I know the title immediately makes it sound like I’m an asshole, but let me explain. The job I have now is terrible, and 99% of my money goes to bills. I am still living with my father and his wife because I have absolutely no money left over to be able to move out. (I pay a third of all the bills at my dad’s house, plus buy all the food and other necessities) am there have been a lot of unforeseen circumstances over the last couple of years.
I only ask my mom for money if it is for something I need (food, clothes, gas, school), and I always pay her back. She came into a lot of money when my grandpa died, and I just don’t have anybody to help me other than her. Also, when I was little she took $1000 from me (Christmas money from my grandpa) and said she would pay me back but she never did. That is another story though.
What makes me ask is that my brother started yelling at me the other day because he says I am always asking her for money and it needs to stop. I would 100% stop if I had any other choice, but I don’t feel like I do. He is also always asking her for money, except he never pays her back. I guess she told him how she had lent me some money to catch up on bills, and he got mad because she wouldn’t give him $5000 to buy a second car (she bought the one they have now, and he hasn’t even tried to pay her back).
I have never asked my mom to borrow more money unless I have paid back what I already owed her, but my brother and sister have never paid her back for anything she has lent them. My mother actually has access to my bank account and has even put money in without me asking, just because she knows I’m struggling. I have tried to pay her back for the times she has done that, and she won’t accept it, and I’m wondering if that might be why they are mad?
I just feel like she appreciates that I always pay her back, so she is willing to do more for me, whereas my siblings never pay her back so she has stopped lending them money. My siblings are 27 and 29, and I am still 19, so in a way I do feel like I need the help a little more than they do, especially since they both make more money than I do, and I am still in school. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VI5Q08UTA73GJEDNQYtVsS97FTaHhT2b | avqgj8 | {
"description": "exposing my ex to other girls",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA if I exposed my ex to other girls | Back story: my ex and I broke up in December but since this is our last semester before we leave school for good there was no point in renting out a whole new place for three months. We began a weird relationship after the break up where we still have sex , help each other out and even got a puppy together. But all with the understanding that we’re single and can see other people. It’s strange we understand but it works fine for us. Lately though he’s been telling me how he tells girls I’m just a friend living with him but doesn’t mention I sleep with him and have sex with him all the time. Normally I’d let this go but he also gone as far as sleeping with one of them and comes back and makes fun of her for her size and tried to make jokes about how she desperately wants more with him and her attempts to win him over all while he laughs about it and doesn’t understand why I get upset over that. I also talk to other males but I’m honest about my situation so that they don’t get into anything they don’t wish to and can walk away if my situation makes them uncomfortable . At times I feel like exposing him to these girls he leads and especially the ones he comes back and belittles behind their backs. Some of the things he’s said is “ this boulder keeps thinking if she offers me free stuff I’ll fuck her again” “her body is like the bottom of a snowman does she really think I’d want her that way”. It really bothers me and I’ve told him that when he puts woman down this way it makes me uncomfortable yet he still does it.Also I haven’t done it and I probably won’t because it’s not my business and not my life but I just wonder if I’d be the asshole if i did. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
LLaN6t28wUmoJm1KjBe6tqO8UAw211pp | 9u2ybg | {
"description": "laughing at my dying abusive father whilst a part of my family condemn me for it",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA By laughing at my dying abusive father whilst a part of my family condemn me for it? | I say are "We the Assholes" because it was me, my brother and my mother.
Im feel sort of bad but not at the same time, Probably because the hospital called us to ask if we were going to go back to look after him.
Well earlier in the day, We had information that my Father was on his last legs and cancer was sure to defeat him. We didnt rush there, took us 3 hours for what was an hour journey, we went to the park for a bit.
A bit of information, Me and my brother are in our 20s and my mother is in her late 40s.
We came up with a plan when he was dying in hospital to get him to confess to the worst things that had happened to us in our lives.
My mother obviously grew up with him and couldnt tear herself away from him, Until today.
Well we see him in bed in a deteriated state and headed inside to condemn of the nasty shit he done. I actually laughed at him as soon as we entered when he asked for us to come closer.
I wont make this seem like an endless story so ill get to the point, Me , my brother and my Mother have all been beaten by him.
I was once beaten to the point where the hospital had to put me into a critical state, and my mother broke many bones. My brother had the worst of it since he was raped by him and beaten all the time for "bad behaviour" and "being a Devil worshipper" - FYI we have many Relegious friends who are amazing, But my father was a fanatic.
We explained to him all he had done to us, the consequences, My brothers mental health is in ruins and got into heavy drugs, since recovering and has work. My mother is emotionally destroyed over everything and even said his death had finally lifted the veil. And I explained how it led to me have violent flashback, PTSD and among other things. All in front of the hospital staff , we wanted them to bear witness.
And after he said nothing, we left him to die alone.
All we wanted was maybe some sort of apology, or something? But nothing.
I feel guilty because the other people in our family and friends have said what we did was heartless, even though they dont know the full story.
My mother sort of came up with the idea and my brother and I followed suit. Now I dont know if what we did was right or wrong.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
45n5EvFcOVzfMzkhmmgproWEtyjrXeDE | a2nnyi | {
"description": "dumping a girl I met online because she looked... ugly",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for dumping a girl I met online because she looked... ugly? | Quick backstory. I was 15 or 16 and this would be my first relationship ever. It was exciting, it was exhilarating, I’ve seldom talked to girls in my life before this and she would be the highlight of my day. It was such a new and wonderful feeling, talking to a girl who probably liked you back. She lived a few towns away and we met online through a group voice chat with friends and mutual friends. We added eachother afterwards and we talked online. I knew nothing about her but her name and voice and I presumed she probably looked good too. She was nice and she seemed interested talking to me. I had my profile picture as my face, so she knew how I looked.
A month goes by and my dumb ass fell in ‘love’ so hard with a girl whose face I haven’t even seen yet. We talked everyday for that month. And we confess to each other. Another week goes with us still continuously talking and I muster the courage to ask her to see her face.
Well... I don’t know how to put this. I feel bad just by saying this but, it wasn’t what I expected. At all. I forced myself to be really mesmerised and then, I slowly stopped talking over the course of 3 weeks. I’d talk less in a day, then I’d skip days altogether, then I’d not answer her calls. During this time, coincidentally, I was moving countries with my parents and so I used that as the excuse of not talking that much. And then afterwards, I blamed time zones (there’s a five hour difference where I’d be ahead)
In time it became obvious to her this wouldn’t be possible as we went from talking all day to just saying “hi’s” and “hey’s” every few weeks. We simply just stopped talking. And I’ve been filled with guilt ever since. I blame myself for not asking how she looked like sooner, but most importantly I feel like an ass for judging her by looks alone when I already liked her for her personality. And as a FYI, we haven’t caught up in 2 or 3 years, I don’t know how hard she took us not talking but her friends say she’s fine. I’m not sure if they’re telling the truth or just saying that. So reddit, was I the asshole? I’m prepared to be called one, as I’ve called myself an asshole for this ever since. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
RYAskjN4P4aN66t9rLmeC599oEU8LQSL | ajwcb8 | {
"description": "confronting a close friend about her unresponsiveness",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I confronted a close friend about her unresponsiveness? | My friend(18f) and I(17f) have been very close for 4-5 years, both of us have, at times, been the other's only friend. I moved a few years back and we barely see eachother irl, so our main mode of communication is snapchat, texting, instagram, and phone calls. We share a lot of stuff, and over the past year or so we mostly interact through snapchat and instagram. On instagram it's mainly just sending memes, and on snapchat we occasionally have conversations, but mainly we send a few snapshots of our day, or the occasional rant about something.
For the past year, I've been extremely frustrated by two things she does. The first is: if I call unannounced, she only occasionally answers or gives some response (like "oh I'm busy I can't talk) but if I text her beforehand asking if she's free/wants to talk, she almost never responds (meaning that most of the time I call "unannounced" cause I have no idea if she's free or has even seen my message)
The second is that: she will make and not follow through with, what are in my eyes, plans to talk. For example, last Sunday was one of the times she called me. While talking, she said "hey, I'm going to be completely free on these three days, do you wanna talk?" I said I'd be free and I'd love to talk. Fast forward to one of the days she said she'd be free, she hasn't said anything so I call her. She says she was talking to her mom and would call back later. I wait, she doesn't call back. It's been a few days and she hasn't even mentioned it.
Things like this have happened multiple times, she'll tell me she's free on some date or time, I call, no response. I'm fine if she ends up being busy or even just doesn't feel like talking, I just really hate the lack of response. If she just texted me later in the day saying "hey, I actually am doing something/just don't really want to talk" I would have been fine with that.
I don't think that there's any malicious intent on her end or that she's trying to distance herself from me, but sometimes I don't know. There has been tension in our relationship before, at least on my end, but we've never really had a fight about something big. I find this whole situation extremely frustrating and at this point I kind of just want to be like "hey, this relationship isn't being really fulfilling for me and this is frustrating, is this some larger problem in our relationship, do you want me to do something different, or could you respond more"
I really don't want to seem entitled to her time, but from my perspective, if you're going to call someone a really close friend, sometimes that means making an effort to change something. I get that she shares a lot with me and I don't want to be ungrateful because I know that it could be I'm the person who she feels secure enough with to say stuff, but sometimes I feel like I've become the "person who doesn't know her friends so she can talk about drama with no consequences." | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I4Q9Y3jZkwjHqDcSvy04n2pCVrcGlxLu | an9q41 | {
"description": "not tripping a delivery guy who called me an asshole under his breath",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not tripping a delivery guy who called me an asshole under his breath? | Ordered pizza for a night in with my son. The pizza guy shows up and starts pounding on my door, which freaks my dog out. In the midst of trying to wrangle my dog and my 3yr old, I only manage to grab $25 out of my wallet (the check was $24) as I only have cash on me. I step outside and grab the pizza and the drinks, and he reads me off my check total. I politely hand him the $25 and say "Hang on, I've gotta get my wallet real quick and I can get your tip". I open the door to set the pizza and the drinks down and I hear him mutter "This asshole..." under his breath as he begins to put the two bills in the stack of his bills and walks away. I don't know if he knew I heard him call me an asshole, or if he didn't care, but he sat there for a second before I step inside after getting my dog back in and setting the pizzas down. I looked back at him and he just shook his head angrily and walked off.
I can imagine I'm somewhat the asshole here, but what say you Reddit? AITA for not tripping a delivery guy who called me an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aX2kCXmrE3OdNTqfyeg3br9tnl8k6tgt | b0rv3f | {
"description": "hating my brother",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for hating my brother | My brother is in his early 30s (I’m in my early 20s) and my whole entire life he has made my parents lives hell, all the while he thinks that he is the one who is being targeted. He got sent to rehab when he was finished with high school, and has since become addicted to weed (you may think that’s not possible but he can’t go a single hour without being high now). My two brothers and I were lucky enough to have wealthy grandparents, so we have all of that money now, and he pissed his away on frivolous shit, and is now asking my parents for money. Whenever he gets asked any sort of question that makes him uncomfortable, he shuts down, plays the victim, and storms off. When this happens, he’ll yell, curse everyone out, all in all act like a huge baby.
Yesterday, my parents asked how he spent $200 on his grocery order, and he went ballistic. He said, “this is absurd I don’t need to answer to you. Fuck you, I hate you,” to my parents... but the thing is they have every right to know because they are paying for his goddamn groceries. I drove him to the train short after that, and I flipped on him and told him to grow up and learn to have an adult conversation, yelling and saying the world is against you when people disagree is extremely unhealthy. Well... he lost it. He said that he knows now that I’m one less person in the family he can trust, he punched my dashboard on my car, he literally tore his book apart with his teeth, and he threw it out the window. The way he looked at me, I thought he legitimately was going to punch me in the face. I was scared so I followed him out of the car when he stormed off and hugged him to calm him down, but I have legitimate disdain for him because of the way he has always treated my family. I don’t know what to do because he broke down and said he’s a burden on all of us, and I said that’s not true, but he knows he is sort of the black sheep. AITA for feeling this way about him? He’s my brother but he has made everyone’s lives hell because of how he treats us, and I don’t know how to handle his victim mentality anymore
He doesn’t have a job and his therapist, who told him to trip ayahuasca in Peru, tells him all the weed he smokes is therapeutic
He was diagnosed over 10 years ago with bipolar disorder among other things and has been taking medication for a long time
Sorry if this isn’t exactly a coherent paragraph, it was a rant because I’m still in shock about last night, I’ll answer questions in the comments | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
b7LgahEyTteXpiiBtGb9Q3Ab0crW05ZK | b4euy9 | {
"description": "announcing my pregnancy on April 1st",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | WIBTA if I announce my pregnancy on April 1st? | I am pregnant and would like to announce it on April 1st, making the post look like my younger sister is playing a joke on me until the afternoon when I clear it up and say that I'm really pregnant (and the April fool is tricking people into believing she 'hacked me). My younger sister loves this idea, thinks it's hilarious and helped with the wording to make it look as unlike me as possible (like, it will have hashtags which I never use, and I'll joke about naming the kid April). I like a good joke, and how often does big, good news come up so close to April?
My family all already know my situation so I won't be breaking any news to them, this will be a surprise for my friends. I was talking to my elder sister about the April fool plan. She didn't like the idea and was concerned I'd offend or upset other people who had difficulty conceiving or miscarriages. I had a knejerk reaction of, "someone else's misfortune isn't my burden to bear and it's not like I'm pretending to be pregnant " and she reluctantly agreed, but now I'm having second thoughts. Is it an arsehole move to announce a pregnancy when people might think I'm joking?
Tl;dr: I want to announce my very real pregnancy on April fools, making people think I'm joking for a few hours until I confirm it in the afternoon. Am I being an arsehole for not considering feelings of people who have had fertility problems? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
WtG3QhuvDHhaBf251Wp4pZNa4ktD28gl | abym6i | {
"description": "not being entirely open to rekindling a friendship after getting dropped with no contact",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being entirely open to rekindling a friendship after getting dropped with no contact? | Conflicted about this one, mostly because another mutual friend sees no issue and is happy to be reconnecting.
​
I've had a friend who'd been close for years. They've got a tendency to go a bit quiet when stressed, but this most recent time it was massively abrupt. I was helping set them up with a new job after their old one fell through, then communication in every medium with me and all of our mutual friends just vanished, utterly. It took me a full month to reach anyone who could even let me know that my friend was still alive (I worried a lot about suicide), and even then all I was able to get was "X is fine, just stressed and probably quiet".
​
It's been 18 months since then. Zero communication until I had an actual back and forth for a few days while on vacation (one that had been inspired by them). I have, over the course of the last year and a half, mostly just stopped trying to check in. It went from every other day (we used to speak daily) to once a week, to a couple of times a month, to once a month, to an occasional once-every-season "just checking in" message, which basically never see responses. I brought back gifts from my trip that I knew they'd like, mentioned to them, and got radio silence.
​
Recently, a mutual friend of ours was able to establish some kind of contact, and is ecstatic about rekindling communication, and even delivered my gift for me. I still get precisely zero communication. Said mutual friend doesn't seem to think X is doing much better than before and is still extremely quiet, but is hoping to pull X into being more social. I find that I'm not tremendously enthused by this.
​
It hurts deeply to get cut out so thoroughly from a close friend's life and even simple communication, and I find it hard to want to throw more energy and worry into what feels like a void. On the other hand, I know extremely well how difficult it is for someone who retreats into isolation when extremely stressed/depressed to reach out for even basic communications, and if it's been long enough that it would be awkward, it's that much harder. It would mean a lot to me to get some acknowledgement, though, but I suspect that's not going to come.
​
Am I the asshole for wanting some kind of reciprocation/apology/acknowledgement of the year+ of the silent treatment, or should I just be happy a friend in a rough situation might be coming back? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SuNBuje70kIkXAEb1FRuIBkKmTK5jDq7 | ausi2l | {
"description": "not wanting to wait for my friend to get off work to go to the gym",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to wait for my friend to get off work to go to the gym? | I typically get off around 4 and I like to go straight to the gym to get it over with so I can come home and do homework and eat and whatever. She doesn’t get off work till around 5 and I have to wait for her to come home and get ready and we don’t usually get to the gym till like 530ish. I hate getting off work and waiting around for an hour and a half until she’s ready- meaning we don’t get home until close to 7. When I go by myself I can get home by like 530/6ish.
Historically, I have waited for her. Since we are in the army we have to meet fitness and weight Standards and I waited so that I could help her in the gym and make sure she met those standards. Now that she does I just don’t want to wait on her anymore. I get up 2 hours earlier than her and I’m just tired and want to be done in the afternoon.
Should I be waiting the extra hour and a half to go to the gym with her? Am I the asshole for going straight to the gym without waiting for her?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EXZsisNXWKBmzwhcjd9LpbBflhVsmxEE | awxsc3 | {
"description": "ending a relationship because it was getting toxic",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA I ended a relationship because it was getting toxic | I was in a relationship which was getting extremely toxic, we broke up many times for short periods of times and go back together because it felt right; to be with her - as much is it hurt me with her not showing interest until she needed i thought the positives outweighed the negatives, but unfortunately it was the other way round.
This girl was treating me like absolute trash but I loved her unconditionally, unfortunately she didn’t feel the same towards the end.
She got annoyed for me always wanting to see her, annoyed when I was messaging her, saying I was too obsessive (but what’s bad about that really tho? Surely it’s a good thing knowing they love you and you’re their only interest.) she was talking to other people and going out too, without me even tho she told me she was “busy” she verbally abused me whenever I brought up the fact that she was being unfair so i decided to end it, much to my discuss.
I had all of her work colleagues and friends messaging abuse at me because of it saying I’m a terrible person and I was lucky to have her, quite frankly that made me feel even worse, but eventually i got over it but I am still hated for doing it. I was told to sit her down and talk about things but like I said, I would just get a bunch of verbal abuse.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
QQH2gmMtyhC12A0MWtrbd8QE2rYaHpts | ard9c5 | {
"description": "backing out of a plan with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for backing out of a plan with my girlfriend | My (24m) gf (26f) has a college ball/formal next weekend, which we are attending. The original plan (which has been since September) had been for me to go to where she’s in college, about 2.5 hours away, on Friday night and stay until the Sunday, with the formal on the Saturday night.
My local rugby team that I play for has just gotten into the next round of the cup we play in, and is scheduled to be played on the Friday night of the formal weekend. To be fair, it’s not the 1st team or anything, it’s a lower level team that people generally play for to stay involved in the game and rugby community.
AITA for changing the plan so I would be going to her on the Saturday morning instead? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
i8R1i36bicQBPWbgt7UZixEon4kofdEV | arhmfg | {
"description": "telling my ex's new gf that we were sleeping together the entire time they were getting back together",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA to tell my ex's new gf that we were sleeping together the entire time they were getting back together? | The backstory is kind of complicated but I'll try to simplify. Me and my ex were together 4 years and broke up for two, in which time he moved across the country to California for a job and ended up dating someone else for a year and a half. Some time in the middle of last year, he calls me and tells me he's coming back, his ex cheated on him and he realized what a mistake he made by leaving me and he wants to get back together.
I was shocked because our break up was pretty dramatic and was really awful for me but I was so happy to have him back it's like I just blocked everything out about his ex and took him back, even though I knew he had just gotten out of a relationship. We start dating but both agreed to take it slow as we got back into the relationship. This went on for several months. Everything seemed good and fine except there were a few things that I got suspicious of. I heard him talking on the phone late one night to someone he said was his brother and that he needed to be picked up at the airport but it didn't seem right, but I was like okay go ahead. So then one day suddenly he hits me with the news that he was moving back to be with his ex. I kind of freaked out and grabbed his phone and saw where they had been talking almost since he had came back. So the whole time we were back together he had been trying to get back with his ex apparently even though we had been talking about the future and talking about moving in together.
Literally the night before this happened I slept over at his house and everything was fine, next day he ghosts me and has his relationship on Facebook set to being with her (he had her blocked earlier). Then I saw where she had posted photos of a specific event that I knew took place on one day during when we were together that she had flown in across the country to see him. I feel disgusting and used and the fact that he kept mentioning a future and how this time he was here to say is so hard to deal with. I know someone who knows the girl and is acquaintances with her and she said the girl said he told her that he was just going back to visit family while he was here and that they were just on a break (he doesn't even have family here anymore), so she had no idea he came back to be with his ex.
I really want to tell the girl what he did and that he was still with me while he was trying to get back with her and how they had met up when we were still together and that he had moved here to get back together with me. I wrote down her number from his phone. I don't even know if I care if she believes me. I just want to do it.
Tldr; Ex moved back across the country to be with me, talking about staying for good, our future, moving in together, everything was great... Turns out he was talking to his ex and meeting up with her the whole time. I really want to tell her that we were still together that whole time. I also have tons of pictures and text messages as proof if she doesn't believe it. WIBTA to tell her?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
TT5gW9aq4WzziRN9J2AfHK5nHqyEhXSA | aihop6 | {
"description": "reporting this person online to the police",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA if I report this person online to the police? | Hey, I just finished messaging this girl online.
I initially sent her a like and message on OKCupid.
Filtered to hookup I said “Hey, interested in a hookup since I saw you looking?”
She said to message her on kik. We talk and she’s asking for donations for something school related and we could do “What adults do behind closed doors” (using a cashapp to ‘donate’)
I said I didn’t really feel comfortable doing that, she texted me her address and what she claims is her phone number to get me to come out.
I more or less decline saying I’m just looking for something casual and don’t feel comfortable meeting in a place that’s not public.
Should I call the cops on her for prostitution, or possibly to prevent some poor schmuck from getting his head caved in and robbed? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
mA5kmJ7aXcDfNVTjQw5rfY5PGBcHXY0k | 9uasui | {
"description": "not wanting to meet my 'son'",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not wanting to meet my 'son'? | Hi there, throwaway account for those who are wondering. My friends know of my account and I don't want them to know about this very personal issue of mine.
About three years ago (February 2015), I received multiple calls from someone (who I was unaware) who claimed that they were my son. I, being a single widower, laughed this off and forgot about it until late last year. Last year, I received a call from a woman who I was in a relationship with back in the late 90's. I resisted calls from her and told her to leave me alone several times. She started harassing me on facebook and other social medias before I received a knock on my door in June.
This woman (I'll refer to her as A) came to my house and asked to come in. When I refused, she mentioned that it was important and that she would like to come in. We both sat down in my living room and she disclosed the details of her son (I'll refer to him as B) and brought up that he was my biological son of 19. She explained that he had tried to contact me after his distant dad died as she had told him the truth. This was a huge shock to me as I had not heard from her since 98' in no way, shape or form and so much had happened since then. We left eachother due to her issues (cheating, drugs and abortions) and I had no concept of having ever impregnating her. I asked her kindly to get out of my house. She refused, I called the police and she was forcibly removed over an hour later. Two weeks later, she comes to my house again with claims and a letter from B that I did not read. I still didn't belive A at all as I thought her claims were farcical and an attempt to abuse me and harass me.
Since July, I have received countless texts, letters and requests from several of her family members, B's friends, A and B themselves (with changed names and photos). At my workplace in August, I was called to reception at the hotel I work for and there was B. I didn't know who he was at the time although he left some photos of himself and a letter from himself. He mentioned he had being trying to reach me for a few years now and started to get angry at me for my 'negligence' and unresponsiveness with their attempts to contact me. I was quite infuriated and I stormed off back to work. There was no need for security in this situation.
I received a call from B that night and I talked to him to try and understand what him and others wanted from me. He asked why I had been unreachable and angry towards him when all he wanted was a 'Dad'. I talked to him, reasonably, and mentioned that I had no proof of him being my son, found their attempts to contact me far-fetched and a type of harrassment. All he asked for was a cup of coffee and lunch somewhere.
Before I get into the last part of this post, I should mention that I am in my 40's, single and without children. My wife died in a car accident back in 2009 and I live a quiet life. I haven't made any connections with any women or people since my wife's death as I don't wish to do so. I currently struggle with anxiety, panic attacks and chronic depression. I met B's mother, A, at a real estate convention in the mid-90's and I was with her for 4 years. We never had any real problems until the last year of our relationships when I found out she had been cheating on me. I had also found her smoking amphetamines in my house and in social circles. I had been eyeing up one of my colleagues at work for a while and my mood and wellbeing was in a very low spot. I decided to leave A and ask out my colleague (who became my wife) in order to seek happiness and a better life.
Not at any stage from A and I's relationship to 2017 had I received any news or information about B (or A for that matter) and I find B wanting to have a relationship with me, something I very much don't want and shouldn't have to deal with. He has lost his dad though and because of his distant mother just wants a father-like figure. I don't feel I should have to deal with this void as I am not even confirmed to be his dad and I don't know him at all. It shouldn't be my responsibility to take up a role for someone who could just be a regular kid that has nothing to do with me.
I went and met B last week and was a turbulent and quite aggressive encounter. We met a cafe and had lunch. At the start, B and I had a genuinely pleasant conversation and discussed things like A and her life, him and his history (He has been to juvenile hall and has asperger syndrome and bi-polar disease). B then started asking things about my personal life, to which I answered truthfully and then... he started to accuse me of leaving his mom, making her drug-addled and etc. I refused these claims and started to become visibly upset. When I finally stood up for myself and told him to stop and told him he had been told lies, it calmed down. We finished lunch quietly. At the end, B asked for another meeting and my participation in a DNA test, I refused to both. He swore at me several times, threatened to hit me and I felt quite intimidated throughout the encounter. After this meeting, I have been racked with guilt and feel as though, if B is my son, then I have missed plenty of chances and experiences and, ultimately, messed him up.
I am still receiving phone calls, texts and messages that range from neutral to abusive. I don't really know what to do here and like I have said before, I still feel guilty and responsible for some reason... I am also considering taking out a restraining order as this is starting to drain me.
I just want to know if, from a neutral perspective, I am wrong or being an A-hole for not wanting anything to do with him or not wanting to know if he's my son or so on. I know it's too much for me and I am close to certain he is not my son.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
6u77bKJMlAwR7tR5JK1FxMvXbGqOO8Kv | b2u1yv | {
"description": "not wanting to cover/swap shifts with coworkers who are 'sick' with period pain",
"pronormative_score": 73,
"contranormative_score": 103
} | AITA for not wanting to cover/swap shifts with coworkers who are ‘sick’ with period pain | I’m a girl and I work in a pretty laid back restaurant. The majority of our staff are also women.
The environment is generally pretty chill and we’ve all become decent friends. We’re all happy to help each other out by swapping shifts/covering them if anyone is ever sick or busy etc.
Get ready for TMI. Personally, I don’t have much trouble when it comes to my period. I rarely get cramps, and when I do just taking a couple painkillers fixes it. I do get kinda crabby and emotional sometimes, but I try not to let it ruin my day/shifts.
However, all the other girls I work with often take days off as a result of period pain. 3 times in the last month I’ve gone out of my way to swap and cover shifts to help out my coworkers who ‘can’t’ work as a result of period pain. It’s beginning to annoy me because they’re taking multiple shifts a week off for something that I barely consider painful.
Of course I know that I can just decline to take/swap a shift, but last time I was approached by a girl to cover a shift, she called me a dickhead for not taking the shift even though I said I wasn’t busy (I didn’t have anything planned but I didn’t want to work another shift, especially for someone who I believe is overreacting to the amount of pain they’re experiencing)
AITA in the situation? Particularly when I decline to take a shift that I would’ve taken if the person was genuinely ill? I just really don’t feel that period pain is a good enough reason to not work. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 97,
"OTHER": 65,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 73,
"WRONG": 103
} | WRONG |
zhEtaPuMKuA9BpYjO0aqguOT6U9zjBVY | axqnk3 | {
"description": "asking my roommate if his gf could show up later in the week",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my roommate if his gf could show up later in the week? | **Context:** My roommate and I live in a 2 bed, 1 bath apartment, split bills 50-50. *Every* weekend, my roommate and his girlfriend spent the whole weekend together (Friday noon - Monday morning) for the past two semesters, but because of work schedules, she’s at our place about 3 out of 4 times. They don't do much: make long dinners and lay around watching shows in his room, separated from mine by a wall that doesn't block much noise, but I don't mind since I'm usually not busy on the weekend anyway.
His gf goes to another university who's spring break is before ours. Her plans were to show up on Tuesday 3/5 and spend the week at our place. I was expecting the week to be tough for me; two exams in hard classes, two long reports to write, plus the usual homework, so I thought I didn't want to have her here for the "whole" week. It's obviously more than that since I'm a single guy; seeing their relationship every weekend is slightly irritating... but I don't really know how to put that into better words. I also never voiced that previous statement to either of them.
**Event:** I asked my roommate Friday 3/1 if she could instead come Thursday, since my week would basically be done by then. He was surprised since I have never asked them to change their plans before, and I have never complained. He said it should be fine; I was relieved since I felt bad asking in the first place.
Later, after a phone call, he came to me with a defeated look and asked if she could come Wednesday, because she was feet "unwelcome" after my request. I said if I could change my exam time, sure, but I can't. I then started feeling even more guilty, so I started texting his girlfriend myself. We usually get along well in person, but while texting she became short with me: “Why don't you just ask us to be quiet", "Sorry people need to eat and use the bathroom", and "If I'm such a bother then I just won't come at all". She surprised me to say the least. I spoke to my roommate again and asked if she was blowing it up or if I was the bad guy. He was texting her at the same time as me, and basically told me the same thing about asking them being quiet. I could tell he was just trying to appease both of us, but I was firm about not having her here until my last exam was over. He said "don't worry about it, she just won't come at all then." I apologized, left the room, and we haven't said a word to each other since.
FYI They weren't planning on doing anything special, or they would have let me know and I would've been fine with it
TL;DR My roommate and his girlfriend see each other every weekend, for the whole weekend, and most weekends it's at our place. I was expecting a hard week of class for the **whole week** they were planning to have her at our place. I asked if they could push her arrival to nearly the end of the week after never asking them to change their plans before for the past year, and they both pushed back at me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Ir9pPG65AsMTQhJOArbojLo8K1rTx0CL | aa8oql | {
"description": "telling my husband and his friends that they're not funny and their jokes were disgusting",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 51
} | AITA for telling my husband and his friends that they're not funny and their jokes were disgusting? | Apparently everyone who knows me in real life thinks I overreacted. Looking for some outside opinions.
​
So husband and I were over at his parents for Christmas. The day after Christmas he has a tradition of going for a morning hike with his childhood best friends and their respected SOs/wives. In the past, none of their SOs would go but this year I went along with another woman. So it was us plus my husband and his 3 other friends.
​
During the hike, they started making really crude/vulgar jokes about poop and pee and literally 3rd grade humor stuff. I was tired and sweaty and a bit nauseous and asked them to stop or else I was going to vomit. They did... for a while until they started up again when they thought I couldn't hear but I was only like 10 feet ahead of them. I kind of snapped and told them that they weren't funny and their jokes were lame and immature. They shut up after that but kept snickering, I'm assuming at me. It pissed me off more and I kind of stomped off ahead of them for a while.
​
After like 30 min the other girl caught up to me and told me that I should calm down and that my eruption was really embarassing...for me. I don't think she was telling me this in good faith since she seemed fully on the boys' side, but I said fine and let it go. That night my husband and I fought because he told me I was out of line for calling him and his friends immature and pathetic and that if I didn't like their jokes I could've just walked on further ahead. I agree and disagree. Yes I could've put more distance between us BUT the whole point was for us to hike together. I don't think it's a huge ask for people to watch their language when others are around, especially if its making them uncomfortable.
​
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 47,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 51
} | WRONG |
4f9icKQgtC5C57VRcylZAyccdBUckrym | b1haq9 | {
"description": "asking out my crush",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I ask out my crush | Some backstory. I'm in high school and recently mustered up the courage to ask out a girl I've liked for a couple months, but haven't yet. Last night I asked a mutual friend if the girl I like was dating anyone and the first response was "Go for it!!" Soon after I was told that minutes earlier she started talking to another guy in our grade, but they haven't gone on a date yet. I had planned on asking her out over the weekend, but I'm not sure if I should anymore. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
auadeMcjZYkSw46MVqevH6BeYq9Z2W5a | a0o0e4 | {
"description": "calling in sick 20 min before my shift at my first job",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling in sick 20 min before my shift at my first job? | For some context I'm a 15 year old and got my first job about a week ago. Today at school I started feeling like complete shit but I couldn't call them as I was in class. As soon as I got off school I called in to let them know. 5 minutes later they let me know I was let off. When I called they were very passive aggressive about not letting them know earlier but I tried my best to explain the situation. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
UZtQuhncdNFdxSZjQbXepgGnUr8Sr9HU | a1yf9m | {
"description": "not wanting to be close to my family",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be close to my family? | I come from a very typical Asian family. I have been going to college far away for the past few years and I chose to go far away to get away from my family’s toxic behavior.
When I was very little, one of my sisters passed away and my family took it very hard. We never went to therapy for it, so I’m assuming that there’s still unresolved trauma there. There was now me, the youngest, and my sister who is 7 years older than me. But I didn’t necessarily have a bad childhood. My parents gave me what I needed, even if they made me feel bad about it. “I waste so much money on you, yet you’re so ungrateful” or “I only use money on you, why do you need so much stuff, I don’t buy anything for myself anymore”. My mom even went so far to say that her friends are so much happier without kids and they have more money to spend. I actually didn’t realize how abusive these words were until just recently.
When my sister graduated college, I was in my sophomore year. While we were at the commencement, we found out that we only had two tickets for me, my mom, and my dad. We called my sister about it and she said that she’d talk to someone about taking her name off the list or something so we wouldn’t have to wait. Well eventually we got in because a very generous person gave us one of his tickets and so we went in and she didn’t get called. So this led to my parents believing that she didn’t graduate, even though a few months later, she received her degree in the mail. They still don’t believe her to this day.
My sister got heavily involved in drugs after she graduated and moved back home. Cigarettes and heroin every single day. My mom wanted to send her to rehab but she refused and claimed that she wasn’t on anything. This led to fighting everyday. Through the stress of my junior and senior years of high school, I couldn’t take it and only applied to schools over a few hundred miles away, even though my parents wanted me to stay close.
After I moved out, I gradually stopped the constant contact with my family. We now only call about 1-2 times per week.
My mom is very stubborn and manipulative, yet sensitive. If you even raise your voice at her, she’ll cry and claim that she’s going to die because of you. If something doesn’t go her way, she’ll just stop talking to you. She believes money is everything and will yell at you for spending your own money.
My sister has anger issues. Yells at everyone and everything, even my parents. Thinks she knows everything. Can be very condescending. I still don’t even know if she’s completely drug free or not.
The only person I can really rely on is my dad. I miss him everyday. He is my definite number one and sometimes the only reason I want to come home.
I definitely have plans of staying where I am after I graduate college, but my family will not understand. I am grateful for everything they have done for me, but I just can’t stand having to be in the same room as all of them for even just a day. After all I’ve gone through, am I really the asshole for wanting to stay away?
TLDR; I think being around my family is toxic for my mental and emotional wellbeing so I moved away for college and I plan on staying away after I graduate. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TxsrvoUjcJusib4FMrKHveGMb8qOSgEI | a6ukmc | {
"description": "not including my sisyer in my gift givng",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not including my sisyer in my gift givng? | Let me begin with the I'm on mobile stuff and some preface: I'm 15, the sister in question ( now known as I) is 13. I have 3 other sisters: E, 11; D, 28; and T, 31. Me and I are not very close but me and E are. My parents are split up and have been since 2013. I never walks either dog, does chores, feeds the pets (2 dogs and a cat), does anything with our niece, steals constantly (money and material belongings), helps my mum with anything like laundry, tidying, cleaning, she regularly hits my dad, me and E, and is generally all around selfish. But I'm biased, she's my sister so this is why I'm posting on here.
Now recently we have had some blows to our family. Almost 2 years ago, my mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer. At the time it was too late to be curable, she was given 5 years, longer with treatment, earlier this year she was given 12 months. Everyone is aware of this. T has a steroid condition and was told she could never have kids and this was true until a year ago she had a little girl. She is wonderful. However earlier this year just before my niece's christening it came out her boyfriend had been hitting her in anger. My mum's boyfriend who we are very close with was diagnosed with lymphoma but they fought it early enough for treatment. This year hasn't been fantastic.
I is horrendous with money. She gets £10 a week (same as me, E gets £5) and its gone in seconds. She constantly loses her card and never past anything back. Christmas is difficult for her as she has to spend money on other people rather than herself. Me and E set up an arrangement. I saved up alot of money this year (£400+) and we went and spent a lot of money on Christmas presents for put family. E will pay me back her share and has a deadline of April (her birthday) which is easily doable - we checked.
Side note: we invited her **every time** we went out and we told her what we were doing.
I then asked me if I could put her name on the presents. She waited until after we had done our shopping and fair share of wrapping to ask. I told her how much it would be and I wanted at least £20 upfront. This would have been easy as she had £40 in her bank account due to our mum giving us a little extra and her not having access for a while after losing her card. She refused to believe it was that much, so i showed her the receipts and price breakdown of what we had bought. Then we had this conversation:
> I: alright but I'm not paying you £20
> Me : then it's not happening
> I: why?
> Me: You waited until we were done wrapping to ask so you wouldn't be asked to do that. You already owe people in the family money. This is a money I have worked hard to save and I'm not losing it.
> I: I've said I'll pay you back. God.
> Me: You also said that to [I began listing various family members such as our parents, all three of our sisters, my grandmother, the list goes on]. I can't trust you with money.
> I: but you trust E
> Me: Yes, she paid me back last year and has always paid me back - you've never paid anyway back.
> I: Why should I have to go shopping when you already have?
> Me: Leave me alone I
> I: You're just a selfish fat bitch.
> I: Cow.
I then left because I wasn't going to listen to the verbal abuse from her (this was pretty tame for her she usually says much worse and hits me) and told E who wasn't surprised. My dad came and said we should do it to avoid the conflict but we stood our ground. I feel like I should cave to avoid the conflict and make what could be my last Christmas with my mum one without conflict.
She will almost definitely bring it up on Christmas to spite us and we get dirty looks for "excluding" her. She also does this wither birthday presents and I'm forced to cave or I lose my phone. Am I the asshole for not putting her name on the presents?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ttSLnFoVYW8pTHYvEjVZeMgjXabSJY60 | b7czzf | {
"description": "saying to my sister that I was an incel",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 27
} | AITA for saying to my sister that I was an incel? | So I (22M), used to be an incel. Operate word: USED TO BE.
I stopped a year ago. I no longer have a case of woman-hating disease.
Now my sister (25M) is a staunch feminist so obviously, it was more horrifying to her when she found out I was an incel (I told her). However she also can't seem to take a joke.
Anyway we were watching some shitty ass movie and there's a scene where out of nowhere this bitch of a character gets bitch slapped. In the context of this movie, i think she deserved it and the first thing I did was to laugh. My sister then said ''Of course you'd laugh, you were an incel and hated women. Don't laugh during scenes like this it's harmful as fuck''.
LOL wutt?? So I just said back (with sarcasm):
''Yeah, that's right. I was an incel. I've hated women and children. I've hated everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to hate you''.
I was quoting the Unforgiven lol but clearly changed the lines to make into a joke. Then my sister said ''Don't be a fucking asshole and make jokes like that. It's harmful and you're disgusting''. Wtf why is my own sister still acting like this?? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 27
} | WRONG |
v1DijFUcBmuinZj61jRnt2jY3bL1kndJ | b7gaz7 | {
"description": "putting up a present from another guy in my room",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for putting up a present from another guy in my room? | Background: Boyfriend and I (25M,F) have been together for a decade +. Being kids at the time and complete idiots, we broke up about 3 years into the relationship. I was single for a few months and happened to grow close with a male friend of mine during this time. We got along absolutely great and, pretty soon ended up being more than friends.
It fizzled out because neither of us stepped up (again, complete idiots). Boyfriend and I started dating again, and developed a much healthier, adult relationship. I'm more than happy with how everything turned out, and the relationship couldn't be better.
Cue current situation. The other dude and I got back in touch recently (boyfriend knew). We met once since then, and he'd gotten me something he'd picked up because it reminded him of me. Obviously it was sentimental but it was also from something I'm really into and care about. Boyfriend, however, flipped his shit over my displaying it in my room. According to him, it's extremely disrespectful to him. Mind you it's pretty large, you can't not notice it if you're in my room.
I honestly just thought the thing was really cool and it was something I'm really excited about owning. I had absolutely no intention of making him uncomfortable. He, however, says I was rubbing it in his face and there's no way he can be in my room with it right there.
Am I the asshole in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
7JXfv2GK6vCHrq5DLmF5rPSsC4KvLeRd | a4tn71 | {
"description": "not reacting well to my friend being pregnant for the the 3rd time and still lives on state aid",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not reacting well to my friend being pregnant for the the 3rd time and still lives on state aid? | Ok we have been friends for 6 years now. She had troubles getting pregnant and just had her first baby 1.5 years ago.. she just gave birth to the baby she got pregnant with when her first was 5 months well her baby now is prob about 3 or 4 months and shes pregnant again. She refuses to use birth control she SWEARS she didn't want to be pregnant but she told me the day she gave birth she was ready for another and I told her to just enjoy her two babies now and time will come when your more steady and have another when you have the means .. she didn't say anything then told me all about how her husband doesn't do anything for their kids now doesn't take care of them really at all so she's doing it alone she doesn't work he does but he works very little he's just a loser sorry just gonna say it.. well now she expected me to get excited when she told me about the 3rd and I didn't. I asked her why she didn't wait longer and she pretended it was a surprise baby but I know her it I HIGHLY doubt it. I told her she shouldn't want to live on medicaid and foodstamps and keep having babies to just take it slow their is no rush she is still in her mid 20's ... she told me that's what medicaid is for is to have insurance and "my babies are smart I ain't gotta save for college" well you have a 1 1/2 year old and 3 month old so .. your banking alot on scholarships.. I understand it wasn't my place to speak up and tell her but I've seen everyone around her have like 4+ babies get checks off them and that's how they live. I told her she should want more in life than the minimum and shouldn't accept less I was nice about it when I told her I wasn't being a bitch (atleast I don't think I was) and she flipped the fuck out on me and won't talk to me now. I don't care that she's mad .. I think it's super fucked up to bring kids in the world you can't even pay for .. she just expects to live on state/govt aid her entire life .. before I told her anything she was captioned the photo on her snapchat to everyone "headed to the wic office in the morning" and I was just fucking appalled because this isn't the friend I knew now she just wants to crank out 100 damn kids she can't afford and then complain it's not enough .. again I know I should have kept my mouth shut but am I the asshole for speaking up and finally telling her what no one else obviously was? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
4bcrzxrDn7M9haoGxkCBfGjVtW8xxYoQ | a2wave | {
"description": "demanding my ex pay owed money at a time where she needed it a lot more than me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for demanding my ex pay owed money at a time where she needed it a lot more than me? | Long story. Strap in kids, there’ll be a TL;DR and cookies at the end of the post.
Backstory: me and my ex were together nearly 10 years, I’m currently 25, she’s 24. It was a long distance relationship for ages, which culminated in me simply up and emigrating to be with her. She broke up with me 4 months after I did.
Cut to 2 months ago, she gets back in touch with me (at this point I’m back in the UK trying to build a life for myself, she’s still in Vietnam travelling and on/off working). Tells me she needs money, £400. Says it’s “just to tide me over until I get paid”. Fair enough. I hate lending money to people but we were together a long-ass time, and I still trusted her, so I sent her the money on the basis that she pay me back in a weeks time. If she didn’t pay me back in that time, we agreed that she would go to her parents, borrow the £400 from them, and use it to repay me.
A week later I don’t have the money. Now atm I’m living with my parents, so I’m saving a fair amount of bank, but I am also looking to buy a property soon so I would eventually need the money back. I ask what’s happening. She apologised and swore that she would get me the money ‘soon’.
2 weeks after she said that and nothing had changed, just me texting her for an update and constantly being told ‘soon’, when she finally tells me the truth. I thought she was waiting on a pay check from an employer. Nope. She lent a huge amount of money to a new boyfriend she met in Cambodia or somewhere like that, and he ran off with it. She was waiting for him to pay her back (of his own volition) so that she could give me my money back.
Worse, a few days prior she had asked for my bank details. Ok, I thought, I trust her. She sent them to this Spanish boyfriend so he could pay me back himself. Obviously he didn’t because he’s a con artist and her money is gone. Now, if this money was because a cheating employer hadn’t paid her I would have been more forgiving, but she gave (she never said how much, so I imagine a lot) of money to a guy she’d known for a few months at most, and expected me to be sympathetic about it?
It had now gotten to be a month since I lent her the money ‘for one week’. I got insistent. She maintained that the Spanish guy would pay her back, and that she trusted him. I maintained that I didn’t care, and said if she didn’t pay me back I would go to her parents and ask them to pay me back (remember that the original agreement had her borrow money off them and use it to pay me? She did borrow it money from them, but kept it). Eventually she caved and sent me the money, but hasn’t spoken to me since.
During the time I was getting more and more persistent about the money:
• My mum could see that I had lent it her and I hadn’t got it back, since she’s able to control my back account. She was constantly on my back about it.
• I was telling her she was naive to think she was getting the money back, and stupid to lend it in the first place. Pot calling the kettle black, maybe, but I’d known her for half my life. She knew this guy for months, at most.
• Her family were... honestly I have no idea. Enabling her, mostly, and telling her she did nothing wrong.
• The crux of it all was when I asked if she’d learned any lesson from this, she said if it happened again she’d give her money away again. Honestly, no idea how I put up with that for so long.
So, whew. What a ride, eh folks? Anyone needs any more info speak up but I think that’s a good jumping off point. AITA because I got mad and demanding, despite me not needing the money at that time? She really was very poor. But she also lied to me about the reason she had no money, and showed herself to be utterly delusional near the end.
TLDR: me send ex money for one week. Month later, ex no pay me. She need more than me. Ex need money because ‘new me’ stole money off her. Ex waiting for ‘new me’ to pay her back. Me get demanding, say me go to ex’s parents for money. Ex send money then ghosts. Is me bad? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HUZBmsfRHlXc0x8BRUrYWPqFVxu7iFpI | apvtmj | {
"description": "sabotaging my team while playing football/basketball in gym class for never \"allowing\" me to be a striker",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA for sabotaging my team while playing football/basketball in gym class for never "allowing" Me to be a striker? | Sorry for the bad english.
In gym class, we play a lot of basketball, and association football. In the last 4 years, i was always ordered to be a defender and if i asked them to "allow" Me to be a striker i was ignored/told that i was lame/not good enough, and my team mates never passed the ball to me. Even if they did, they immediately asked me to pass it back. I was always picked last. (Wich is ok). Keep in mind that we only pay for "fun" And it has no stakes. Today was the last straw. We were playing football, and my team mate ordered me to be in the back ( he didn't say "please" He just ordered me like I was a fucking dog). I told him that i didn't want to and that I'm always the defender, but he didn't care. I didn't want to be in the back, so i was just standing there, but didn't anything. The teacher told me to be the defender as there were only one defender (he is also always a defender and I talked to him and he said that it makes him upset. He never does anything out of spite). Itold her that i'm always the defender, and that i wanted to be a striker, and asked her why doesn't she ask someone else. She ignored it.
So my plan is that from now on I will alway act like a striker, and never be in the back, even if my team mates order me to do so. And if they ask me ti oass to ball back, I'II either ignore them or throw/kick it out of the field. And if we lose and they blame me for it i'II tell them that it's their fault as well, becuse they could have been defenders as well, if needed them so bad.
And if they yell at me, I'II yell back.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
km21ATLboMovjdrajW0E4JIkuJOZjrOJ | aj3k4h | {
"description": "not acknowledging a girl who rejected me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not acknowledging a girl who rejected me | So, in high school, I asked a girl to Homecoming. She said yes, and we went together with her friends/dates. However, all of us had a horrible experience mainly because I was interested in her romantically and she was interested in me solely as a friend. She became aware that I wanted more when I paid for her dinner that night. So, when it came to the dance, she kept running away from me with her friends and only danced with me once (in which she wouldn’t even look at me). Basically, you could say that I was ditched that night. After that, it became a bit awkward at school since before I would talk to her in the hallways and see her in my classes. We both kinda stopped talking to each other for awhile. I was kinda upset for a while, even months after the dance, since she just cut me off, ignored my texts, and ghosted me for months. I was so frustrated that I even went up to her at school one day and asked her why she did what she did (I was needy and inexperienced back then). She basically just told me that she wasn’t ready to date and insulted me by saying that I had a bad personality and was controlling. In return, I got mad at her and told her that she basically used me that night since she could have said no if she wasn’t interested in going in the first place, but said yes. After that heated conversation, we stopped talking for a couple more months until one day she saw me and said hi and I ignored her. Fast forward, her and I happened to go to the same college and still don’t talk or acknowledge each other. Currently, I kinda still have some lingering feelings, since she was my first love. But I’m just wondering AITA for still ignoring her/ not acknowledging her? I am kinda conflicted since she did insult me, ghost me, and break my heart; but I also feel like she didn’t mean to hurt me and that I should be the bigger person. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
FG699MN3iGni8ejoujeOpGzTFi6UwJ8i | aqnja8 | {
"description": "asking my boyfriend to return my Valentine's day gift",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for asking my boyfriend to return my Valentine's day gift? | We've been dating and living together for two years, both in our 20s. We exchanged our gifts last night and he gave me an expensive perfume. It wasn't my favorite smell but I didn't think it smelled awful either. I don't have any other perfumes so it's actually a very nice gesture. I know he spent a long time picking it out. I said thank you/showed my gratefulness last night.
Today (Valentine's) I went to work and overheard three coworkers saying that my perfume smelled awful. This made me feel really bad and made me not want to ever wear it again. I don't want people I meet/network with to think I smell awful as a first impression. I told my boyfriend what happened and he got very upset with me, saying I shouldn't care about their opinions because if I like his gift I should just wear it. I feel really bad for asking him to return it. I just figure we could use the money if I'm not going to wear it.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 17
} | RIGHT |
lJylGnueVvDROa0W8aNxK4yBIYQlDHtq | am39sn | {
"description": "asking my dad's girlfriend to leave while my grandad was dying",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my dad’s girlfriend to leave while my grandad was dying | **This is a repost because I needed to add more info**
My grandad was in the hospital and a ton of family/friends had been in and out. My dad’s girlfriend was constantly there, even when my dad was at work or off doing something. I was there too. I’ll call her Betty. Betty had helped my grandad out a lot with grocery shopping and stuff. I think she really cared about him.
Since she was always there and other people were in and out, I never got a chance to have alone time with my grandad while he was in the hospital. At this point, he couldn’t talk or move but he could still hear what we would say to him. I wanted some time to tell him how much I love him and how much I’ll miss him, etc. I didn’t feel comfortable doing all of that with my dad’s girlfriend there. We have never been close even though she has been around for 4 or so years.
I didn’t want to ask her to leave so I texted my dad and asked him to. He told her that I wanted some alone time with my grandad. He told her that she could stay (that’s all I know about their conversation over text). She confronted me about it and I told her I wanted some time to talk to my grandad and she said “Your dad said I could stay and I have the right to be here. I’m
Not leaving.” I was annoyed and raised my voice a tad and said, “I would really like some space right now since my grandad is dying. I want to talk to him without anyone in here.” She refused to leave and just sat in the room with me not talking. So I waited it out until my dad got there (4-5 hours later). It felt like my dad or Betty didn’t trust me to take care of my grandad. I’m 20 and I could’ve taken care of him by myself. I had been there for a few days straight (sleeping there) and had watched the nurses and my dad take care of him.
I spoke to him privately and told him I wanted some time with my grandad. I was crying because I didn’t think I was going to have any alone time with my grandad. I also wanted some time with my dad alone too with my sister (some family time). I didn’t want her to leave all together, just for an hour or 2 so we could have some time. I think he understood so he ended up asking her to leave. She left and she broke up with him the day of the funeral. She was mad that he asked her to leave.
AITA? I think she was being inconsiderate.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1ahLRumrH8uAMqBcXTQ77qGstzhaPsle | ba03l1 | {
"description": "not letting my brother in law stay with us",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my brother in law stay with us? | So long story short, my wife and I have had troubles being roommates with her siblings before. There's always drama, awkwardness with asking for money, property destruction in some cases. We've been on our own for 3 years now in our new home and our lives have been amazing compared to the tough years past.
Her brother (who's been known to steal and do coke) asked to crash at our place for a week while he's in town. It's been 4 years since he was last with us, so maybe he's gotten better. My wife wants us to give him a chance.
I got upset. Probably more than I should have. I insisted he find somewhere else to go. I just have a very bad feeling in my gut... and I can't let it go. My wife and I work such opposite schedules as well, and this weekend is the only one in 3 weeks that we have off together.
So my wife's mad at me, and I feel like an ass for denying him... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ddl6jv3R0xhLbbV019rhNlpci3keTJvQ | abg3gb | {
"description": "not letting girlfriend drink on new years",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA not letting girlfriend drink on New Years? | My (m24) girlfriend (f26) wants to drink mimosas for new years and she hasn't drank for almost two years because she she was starting to become alcoholic. I'm considering her have a few drinks on new years.
She would get faded get into fights with our roommates, broke out our living room window, called cops and lied said I pushed her down our staircase (later dropped it after sobering up and admitted she lied), then I caught her drunk texting her ex and another dude. Later ended up in drunk tank.
I broke up with her she begged for me back I told her not unless she stopped drinking and she did but recently seemed to forget about why she got sober and constantly complains how boring weekends are and wants to drink again. I told her she can do what she chooses but I'm not doing that again.
She honestly had quit for this long and done good so I do feel like a dick not letting her drink a few mimosas tonight but don't want it spirling out of control | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5XJFcBkDGFzaurcEVArNIfQq9Uz9uXTG | ar6v2n | {
"description": "thinking my teacher is incompetent",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Thinking My Teacher Is Incompetent? | I took a math test, and we have to do corrections after. After receiving the test, I realized that my teacher had made a mistake on one of the questions. Apparently it was a question that many people had gotten wrong. So, I got a 91%, but since my mom is really strict about grades, I had to do math problems for a while after. But, after showing him the question, he said that he couldn't read the answer. Maybe that would have been okay, but my answer's work also had the answer written right next to it, and he said he could read that fine. Math period ended and I left the class. The following day, I asked him whether or not I had to correct it. He said that it was highly improbable that he would have missed both the answer and the work of that problem. Also, my handwriting was a problem on 1 test only before, and he asked me and resolved the question. I feel like I'm sort of overreacting but I also want a 2nd opinion. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6Ljw2TcFh2AmcAUOGYTnDwS8L4f8czJK | a7lmin | {
"description": "getting upset about shared photos",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting upset about shared photos | This is probably ridiculous to most, so prepare for overreaction drama! :)
​
Relevant backstory:
I'm not a fan of being in pictures and absolutely do not want any to appear online.
It's easy stopping myself, but less so other people - hence, I almost never agree to being in a picture and will usually either request I be left out or make sure it isn't going to be put online.
​
Reason is a background in computer tech and day-to-day job knowing full well the difficulty of removing data from the web, as well as how companies such as Facebook will use anything they have on you for marketing and less-than-moral purposes.
Call me paranoid, I just don't want it. I have absolutely no problem with other people doing this for themselves.
​
On to the actual story:
A while back someone uploaded a picture of me after promising me they wouldn't (the reason I agreed, as stated above), and I confronted them. Argument ensued, and in the end it ended up being deleted (but is it ever really?) after a lot of bullshit thrown at me that "it isn't a big deal" and "everyone does it" and a non-apology.
I ended up explaining my reasoning: It's not so much that people see it but that I do not wish to support businesses that thrive by selling user data.
Person below was a witness to these events.
​
A little while later (few weeks, tops) I agreed to being in a photo because the person asking is someone I care about and I knew it would make them happy. Same condition: No uploading, no Facebook.
This was agreed to, but I just found out that while they have refrained from posting it to a status, they have been sending it around using Messenger, saying it is not the same as 'putting it on Facebook'.
I get that this might not be the same thing from their POV, but to me it essentially is.
​
Both people in above stories were aware of my views on social media and photos.
​
I understand that this is seen as normal stuff, and I do understand that most people do this freely and make no problem of it.
And yet, I can't shake feeling betrayed, even if it's something as stupidly meaningless as a photo, and even if they (thought they) were following our agreement.
​
AITA for getting upset about this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
HvBnN0Isoj3uMHBEJhMqyVhhAeDH5Qk2 | autqu8 | {
"description": "not tipping for food I ordered for pickup at Denny's",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not tipping for food I ordered for pickup at Denny's? | Out of town on business. Dennys is near my hotel I am staying at so I called in an order of food and came in to pick it up to bring back to my room. The waiter who was helping me stood over me while I was paying and after I pressed "No Tip" on the card machine he very sarcastically told me "Oh great, I hope you really enjoy your Denny's tonight". I gave him a bad look on my way out cause I thought it was a shitty thing to say. Friends are (lightheartedly) telling me I am an asshole and cheap for not tipping even though I ordered it for Take Out. Generally curious, AITA for not tipping on takeout food? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
cB1coaMvoMt6AvrDAkkpWmbI97twzsLO | b1rq7g | {
"description": "rting my ex-roomie's mail rather than forwarding it",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I RTS my ex-roomie's mail rather than forwarded it? | When my old roomie moved out after living together for 5 years I said I would forward her mail for her. Nine months have passed and I've noticed that my ex-roomie continuously gets mail from the same places and hasn't bothered to change the address as we are still forwarding the same mail (eg bank, DMV etc) which I believe she should have done by now.
A few months ago I messaged her asking her if she was still living at her new address which she ignored however I could see that someone had seen the message.
WIBTA if I just RTS her mail? I think she should be changing the addresses and while I never intended it to be a long-term solution especially with her regular mail.
PS I am not in the US so please don't respond with federal crimes or whatever the rules are in the US for tampering. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mfMId3RGaWZsPE1k1re5InUuK2CIAn0Q | b0e1vg | {
"description": "telling my coworker about how his partner cheated on me, though it was months in the past",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for telling my coworker about how his partner cheated on me, though it was months in the past? | Here is a situation I never thought I'd find myself in. I am on crossroads. What better way than random internet strangers give me advice?
This girl PC is visiting my city for six months. We meet on Tinder. We have a fling. Everything casual, none of us looking for anything more. She claims she is single. She goes back.
Fast forward to 5 months after this incident.
New co-worker on my team transferred from another office. I get along well. He and I share an alma mater. He told me his partner's first name. Same as PC. Thought it was funny but didn't think twice about it.
One week BEFORE he talked about his partner, PC messages me that she is in town. She doesn't think she wants to do anything, because she has someone in her life, but she wanted to "keep old flames burning" ... wtf does that mean??
I know you know where this is going. TC has been in a relationship with my coworker for nearly two years and was clearly lying to me when she was visiting. I know that my coworker would not be the kind of person to ever tolerate cheating but he can be quite naive at times.
Next weekend is a big party that my co-worker has invited me to. TC doesn't know about me I think. No communication from her after our first few messages. WIBTA for telling my coworker about this before the party?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HkAZ3VbcugMAaM1sgsAiDEskRivtULzA | b6n3sf | {
"description": "accusing my daughter's teacher of racism and getting her fired",
"pronormative_score": 291,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for accusing my daughter’s teacher of racism and getting her fired. | My daughter is 9 and just started going to a new school in January because we moved. It is a public school in an urban city which is quite multicultural. She is half-Chinese and half-white. Although she is part Chinese, not many people can notice. Some have thought that she is Italian or Greek or even Irish for some reason.
Anyways, a month and a bit ago, my daughter came home a bit sad. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that in school, everyone shared what they did for the weekend. My daughter said that her family is Chinese so they celebrated Chinese New Year. The teacher (who is white) apparently told her “But you’re not Chinese. You shouldn’t lie.” My daughter said she felt embarassed in front of the whole class.
I was amused but also angry. I phoned her teacher and VERY CASUALLY told her that my daughter felt hurt by her being dismissive of her heritage. Her teacher was strangely defensive and asked me if I was accusing her of something. I said no and just that she should try being more open minded.
A few days after this incident, my daughter said she felt like the teacher was treating her unfairly, namely refusing to let her go to the water fountain during class, giving her a “time out” for not lining up in time for recess, putting her on the spot to answer a question and berating her when she had the wrong answer. This time both my husband and I booked an appt to talk with the teacher, who was quite dismissive of us and very unhelpful.
At this point it was affecting my daughter’s enjoyment of school. She would cry at night and beg me to send her back to her old school. Finally I had a talk with the principal, who told me that other parents have been accusing the teacher of racism in the past and said they’re trying to work with her. In the meantime my daughter was transferred to another class which worked out great.
Flash forward to last week when I was picking up my daughter from school. Her old teacher approached me and we made a bit of small talk, then she said casually, “Well Im not going to return to teach next year so I guess I can thank you.”
I was super taken aback. I told her I did NOT mean for her to lose her job. She then walked away from me.
I also learned from another parent that she was 4 kids and is a single mom. This made me extremely sad and I can’t help but feel guilty for playing a role in having her fired. My husband told me she was probably gonna get fired anyways and said I shouldn’t feel bad.
AITA though? I feel so so horrible knowing that she cannot support her 4 kids anymore partially because of my complaint against her.
| HISTORICAL | {
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wekGg0bYumB1986pDdGPIWWFOp9F5mrN | anzfmf | {
"description": "complying with my friend's request and defending myself against a stranger",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for complying with my friend's request and defending myself against a stranger? | So to simplify a lot of back story, my SO has been going to this bar in our city for over a decade. I've been dating my SO about 2 years. We both know the owners and bartenders and regulars and were even at the house of one of the bartenders for superbowl Sunday. Everything has always been pretty good.
Today we were day drinking at the bar with a bartender he has known for YEARS and I've known a while. She asked my SO to open the door to the bar as he was coming in from a smoke. He complied. Immediately, the couple that had been sitting next to us closed the door and started talking shit (we live in LA, it's like 60F, not that cold, and sunny, they said things like "fuck this, Wtf, close the fucking door") and my SO made a comment "oh *bartender's name* asked us to open that" when they closed the door. His intention was to let them know he'd been asked to prop open the front door. The bartender in question said we could open the other door that is farther down the bar if it's a problem. Then she went to the back. She didn't hear what these people had to say about us.
The guy next to me immediately started going off about how he offended "these fucking bikers" (we had riden our bicycles) and that it's time for them to go because us fucking bikers control everything. At this point my SO is protesting that we weren't trying to dictate the conditions of the bar, but were just listening to the bartender (our friend) who asked us to open the door. The guy next to me calls my SO a liar for dragging the bartender into it, and says it's past their curfew and it's time to go. My SO does egg him on because we both thought we were in the right and he was overreacting. ("*bartender name* asked me to open the door but if it's SUCH a big deal then close it")
The bartender had been in the back for most of the bantering and when she came out, it felt like she sided with this stranger. She did say she never wanted the door open and that the owner was in the bar and asked her to open the door, so she wasn't really responsible. "shit rolls downhill" was her exact quote. Our (I thought) friend was nearby and witnessed the whole thing and told off my SO after the stranger left for picking a fight with a guy bigger than him? (my SO is 5'x6' and 140lbs this stranger was like 6' and bulky). AITA for feeling like no one had our backs in that situation? The bartender has been my SO's friend for a decade and always sweet to me but her reaction was to say she didn't even want the door open and both parties "are super nice guys". Our bystander friend said my SO should never speak up for himself against a guy that can kick his ass in a bar setting. We're both fuming and I just want to know if we're in the wrong for this. | HISTORICAL | {
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f0zdDC9b4IR4FlUyevRLZeRhS6iS5K38 | arjc2e | {
"description": "not paying the rent",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not paying the rent. | Hi there, I'm French so it might be a bit difficult to understand everything I say.
So, with just the title I bet you're thinking I'm an asshole but wait a bit please.
My girlfriend of 5 years and I broke two weeks ago. We were living in a city where she is currently studying at the uni and I was studying on my own for a competitive examination to work for my country customs.
There is various reasons for use to break up, mostly a lack of communication, not the same vision of what a relationship should be like and a lot of stress for a both of us. Anyway, the break up is fairly difficult for me and apparently not so much for her ( I wouldn't know she refuse to speak with me) so I drove six hours yesterday to our place to gather as much stuff as I can ( I left to my parents place three weeks ago when things got ugly) and had a conversation with her.
So I don't need to stay in this city, I can work at my parents home, and tbh I don't like the city anyway. She, on the other hand, has to stay because of her uni. She is obviously keeping the flat, but she is asking me to keep paying my share of the rent for the next three months, the time needed to break the lease. By the way, my name is not the lease because I'm not legally a student and got no job.
So here is my question, imta if I stop paying the rent ? I never wanted the break up and it came out of nowhere. She decided to completely cut me out of her life so I don't think it's fair from her to keep asking the rent money, if the situation was the other way I wouldn't ask her. We've bought together nearly everything we own like the fridge or the washing machine and I'm letting her keep everything without asking any money or anything and I think it's enough to not have to give her anything else. | HISTORICAL | {
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Xhi8846J8jcqpQvRZ1BlCjBB3tn0bGpa | a4mjw9 | {
"description": "ending my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA if I end my relationship? | TLDR: live-in girlfriend of almost two years ghosted me on my 40th birthday.
​
The story:
I came home from work Thursday night ready to kick off a three day celebration of my 40th birthday (that Friday). My GF, who is prone to up and downs, highs and lows, starts unloading a pile of worries and burdens on me the minute I walk in the door. I immediately feel like she's raining on my birthday parade. I tell her I don't have space to hold all this "stuff" for her right now and that I'm going to take a walk.
I return from my walk with dinner and ready to give this another try to listen to her worries without letting it affect my mood. She immediately starts in on me again when I get back.
I shut down. Tell her I can't believe this is how she's kicking on my birthday weekend and that I'm going to bed. She ends up sleeping on the couch.
Next morning, she's gone before I get up. I don't hear from her all day, even though we had plans to spend the day together getting lunch and seeing an exhibit at the museum I wanted to see.
She finally arrives home around 4 o'clock. She chose to got to work for a bit, then do laundry at the laundromat rather than uphold our plans. I drove by the laundromat twice and her car wasn't there, so she chose somewhere other than our usual spot to do laundry and not be found.
She says sorry, but it feels clinical. There's no remorse.
While i believe couples will fight, I also think there are situations that no matter what little spats you're in, the bigger picture prevails. This was one of those days.
It's Sunday and she still has yet to tell me Happy Birthday.
Tonight I'm going to ask her to move out.
AITA?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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q5hmw7D4pEZ1cWstTFl6w0l9S8ujBAZu | ae9smx | {
"description": "asking my friends to pay for their part of my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I asked my friends to pay for their part of my birthday | So it’s my 16th birthday February, and me and my friends were planning on going to the cinema and then out for a meal afterwards. I calculated the cost of bus tickets, cinema tickets and the meal, and it came to around £30-£35. As I’ve never planned anything like this before, I am unsure if I am meant to pay for all of their costs, which I could not afford to do.
Would I be the asshole if I asked them to pay for their own tickets and meals? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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c9JymH1BRpH4HmDVjYtEWVvS1IKLVul6 | aoru4i | {
"description": "not wanting to bring my family together",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to bring my family together? | For starters I dont use reddit very much so I'm sorry if I'm a bit out of the loop on things. I also apologize because this story is LONG.
Before we begin this story, I'll tell you about the main people:
Me- a 20 y/o guy who is basically the mediator between my grandmother and my mother since I'm the "good kid"
Older brother(OB for this story)- A 22 y/o redneck who is very bad with money and has just had a baby with his girlfriend
Mother(Mom)- A 38 y/o mom who had her kids taken away when we were young due to her drug abuse. She cleaned herself up and now lives with my great grandmother (Granny) taking care of her.
Grandmother(Gma)-Gave up her future life to raise us kids when our mother was battling drug abuse. Some of the kids still live with her
So to start off with, I have many siblings (all half) but I'm only close with the 4 that are on my moms side. OB was living in a camper (which is like a mobile home but twice as small) behind Gma's house when he found out that his gf was pregnant with his kid. OB is shitty with money, he usually spends his paycheck the day he gets it and asks to borrow money afterwards. He would spend it on stuff like guns and things off FB and Craigslist that he would just sell in a week for less than he bought it. Before the baby was born, Mom and Granny (this is Gma's mom) decided to buy the baby about $1000 worth of baby stuff. They then offered for OB and his to stay at their house when the baby was born because the camper wasnt a suitable place to live period. The door was coming off, animals have died in there, it was just disgusting beyond repair. When the baby was born, mom started to obsess over the baby. She would hold it more than OB and his gf would and she would always call it "HER grandbaby".
I already knew that OB and Mom living together would be a problem. See, OB is a big guy, about 6'2 and was husky, but it was completely muscle. He always threw a fit over everything, partially because he had ADD and ADHD but also because he was used to a lot of privellages from working for my grandfather. When he would throw a fit, he would yell and scream and get in your face and try to make you back down. We've dealt with this so much that we knew he'd calm down as long as you stood your ground and let him vent. He never hit any of us in those kinds of fits but he always looked like he was going to break you in half if you dared to smart off.
Mom, on the other hand, was different. She was like a manager 24/7. She is always super cool about a lot of stuff and is generally fun to be around as long as you respected the place and everyone in it. If you didnt, it was like a switch was flipped in her brain. The way she dealt with conflict was like "Its my way or the highway, and if you didnt like it, you better square up. Because nobody is going disrespect me or Granny on Granny's own property". She would look at you with a piercing look and refused to back down to anyone. She'd tell you in a very commanding voice, only raising it to express emphasis on words (ex. Don't you DARE talk to her like that in HER own home). And yeah, she doesnt back down from anyone. She'd tell someone off twice her size if she thought they were in the wrong without a second thought.
Needless to say, they were a bad match to live together.
Anyway, this next part is the incident that tore our family apart. Keep in mind that I heard variations of this story from OB, Mom, and OB's gf, and pieced together what actually happened.
OB had found a few chickens for sale on craigslist for about $40 and asked Granny and Mom if he could make a coop for them to lay eggs. Mom and Granny talked about it and decided against it, since they were buying dog food for his 3 dogs and didnt like that he beat the dogs. They made up some excuse to tell him "no" gently so he wouldn't throw a fit and cause problems. The excuse was "I don't like chickens" which was a poor excuse, but most people could tell that it meant no. He didnt. The next day he was getting supplies outside to start building a pen for the chickens when Granny saw what he was doing and asked him what was going on. She said something like "I thought your mom said we didnt want chickens". At this, he started throwing a fit.
Granny has about 230 acres of land that is mostly woods, and OB was promised a part of the land. He was already starting to build his own house there and that's where he was going to put the chicken pen. The problem is that the deed to that land wont be his until he's 27. Granny and Mom said that he can build on it, but it was still their land until then.
OB was throwing a fit, collecting things in the house because he "was moving out. He was tired of all the bs and not being able to do what he wanted on HIS PROPERTY". Ganny was trying to calm him down and reason with him ("Where will you go? That house isnt even built yet, you should work on that first", etc.)
He wasnt having it. Still collecting his and the babies stuff, he was saying things like "that's my property and I cant do anything" and "Its just a couple of fucking chickens, what's the big deal".
At this point Mom just got home from work. Her husband, who was there while all this happened, started trying to explain what was going on while OB was cramming stuff into his truck. When she got enough of an explanation, she went over to OB and tried to reason with him, not for his sake, but for the babies. Saying stuff like "you've got nowhere to go, we have everything you need for that baby right here. I dont care if you go, but that baby needs to stay here."
OB was already furious, there was no reasoning with him. He started to get in Moms face yelling about how "ITS MY PROPERY, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT". Getting as close to mom as possible without touching her and staring down at her. Mom started to yell back at him saying "This is GRANNYS property, not yours! Granny said she doesnt want chickens, and what SHE says Goes!"
They keep arguing like this, as OB takes a step forward and Mom takes one back. More arguing. OB: Another step forward trying to intimidate
Mom: Another step back still arguing
At this point Mom has her back against the front of her SUV, bending slightly backwards. OB is still as close as he can be, without touching her, in her face and yelling. Mom goes into "Fight or flight" mode, and she'll be damned if she runs from ANYBODY at her own house.
She punches him in the jaw and keeps hitting him over and over. I'm sure she got some good licks in, but OB is built like a bull. He grabs her by the neck and slams her against the car, not aggressively like he wants to hurt her (though I'm sure he probably wanted to) but to get her to stop hitting him. She screamed for him to let her go and he yelled that he would when she stopping hitting him. His girlfriend, who was outside with them the whole time, had to get inbetween them and break them apart. He started to walk towards the house, probably to get the rest of his stuff and leave, but Mom wasnt having it. She thought that he was going inside to beat up on granny or something. As he got to the front door, she ran infront of him and told him to leave the property and never come back.
He, with his gf and baby, left with whatever they had and went to Gma's house.
Now Gma was the one who raised us kids when our mom left. That was our home. When OB moved out to the camper behind the house, we had enough room for each kid to have their own room. Right now, OB, his gf and the baby are sleeping in the living room.
The problem that this post is referring to, lies here.
Gma and Mom have been rivaling ever since Mom came to live and take care of Granny. Rumors, whispers, and gossip have been talked about each other for a few years now. When they're out in public together, they seem just fine. But when I go visit either one of them, it's nothing but gossip and spite. I'm the one who always meditates whatever's happening and have brought them together and talked things out multiple times.
Think about that for a sec. A 20 y/o counseling his 38 y/o Mom and 57 y/o Grandmother.
Gma's problem is that she thinks Mom has been abusing painkillers and isnt in her right mind. She's watching as Mom has ruined her relationship with my sister (that's a different story) and now OB. She knows mom wont get herself help and she's scared Mom is gonna go down the same path as before. Shes also mad that Mom is continuously spreading lies about her to everyone and is making Gma look bad. But what Gma's most upset about is that Mom refuses to believe that both Mom and OB were in the wrong, and refuses to apologize.
Mom is mad at OB, obviously, but Mom is more mad with Gma.
Mom believes that OB is completely at fault here, and she has no blame. She believes that Gma is taking OB's side on the whole situation. Mom has made it a "You're either with me or against me" situation and refuses to listen to anyone about it.
I've talked to both Gma and Mom separately and both of them have budged very little on anything. Gma would at least listen to what I had to say and acknowledge my take on everything. She wouldnt budge, but at least she would listen. Anytime I tried to give my point of view to Mom, she would get mad and talk over me and tell me that "SHE wasnt in the wrong at all, and Fuck Gma and everyone else who helped OB. They can rot in hell". I know she was just being emotional at the time, but that's what she said.
I know that I should smooth everything out between Gma and Mom and hope that one day OB and Mom will forgive one another. I've done this multiple times and I'm honestly tired of it, I hate drama as it is. AITA for just leaving the situation alone?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAssh | HISTORICAL | {
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5xa3dJhFksJ1PIKI2GgJ6eOoxgJslJn8 | b251e7 | {
"description": "giving my little brother my school notes",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving my little brother my school notes? | Next year my younger brother will be taking an honors English class with the same teacher I had 2 years ago. The curriculum remains the same every year and every class reads the same books every year and they write the same essays every year. Knowing this I gave my brother all of my notes for the class to help him out. He knows how to annotate the books so it’s not like I’m robbing him of the opportunity to learn something new. When I took the class taking notes on the book was just tedious work that taught me nothing. I’m just saving him hours worth of time. Some girl in his grade has confronted me and told me I’m giving my brother an unfair advantage against the other students. The teacher doesn’t curve tests so I don’t see how him doing well will affect her. Him doing well in one subject probably isn’t enough to disrupt the class rank. While it’s likely he’ll never have to take notes for the rest of the year, he’ll still have to study the ones I gave him and do extra work when it comes to projects. He’s my brother and I feel like if I can help him then I should. | HISTORICAL | {
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Z3LaIVkwfqEA40BmAKJYCVzqe4sOWcEZ | ab36k7 | {
"description": "refusing to deliver a package that was delivered to us when our neighbor was out",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to deliver a package that was delivered to us when our neighbor was out? | Actually it has gotten to the point where I just refuse to accept packages for them anymore...
I work from home so all couriers bring packages to us when our neighbors are out. Happy to do it, much more convenient than having to collect from the depot or risk being damaged or stolen.
All our neighbors collect the packages as soon as they come home. Except one neighbor. The record is we’ve had their package for 6 days and it was only that short because my wife caved and delivered it to them.
It’s happened about 10 times now. At first, maybe the courier didn’t leave a note, or maybe they have been away and we didn’t notice. Gave them the benefit of the doubt.
But now I’m certain the courier has been back to give them a note, I’ve kept an eye on when they’re returned home. They are 100% just too idle or scared(?!) to make the trip across the road to collect.
We used to take the packages straight round but now I refuse and we just wait for them to collect. Often my wife just thinks I’m being petty and takes them over. Although more recently I’ve just told the courier we don’t accept parcels for those neighbors.
tl;dr we sometimes take parcels in for our neighbors, and they take too long to come and collect them. I refuse to take them over of point blank refuse to take them in. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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3nytmD84L0WSmq1Ck8lOKzbOolY0s5xk | alyzj1 | {
"description": "wanting my parents to sell me a car they're buying",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting my parents to sell me a car they're buying. | I couldn't really think of a better title than what it currently is, but it will make sense when i get into the story. So i'm a high school student in my senior year, I take the bus to school everyday, and won't turn 18 for another few months. So long as i pass my driver's test tomorrow, i will have my license. Even though i can't drive, i have a part time job as a fast food chain very close to my house. I got a job on my own accord because i wanted to save for a car for college.
On my way home from work today my dad was driving me and told me that him and my mom were going to buy my sister's car off of her. The car my sister has is actually their old car that they sold to her when she was in her senior year of highschool, at the time, she had no job, and didnt get one until after she graduated. She did buy the car off of them, but payments for it didnt start until months after she "owned" it. My sister has wanted to upgrade for awhile but the trade-in value is not what she wanted, so my parents decided to buy it and have another car. You see, my family is fairly well off, especially for the area we're in, so my mom has a very nice new car, and my dad has a truck for his work, so in general, they don't really need another car. When they told me they were going to buy my sister's car off of her I immediately thought they were going to then sell it to me, but i was wrong.
My dad basically laid 3 conditions for me using the car:
1. I couldn't to drive to school instead of taking the bus.
2. I'd pay for the gas i use (My dad is really observant and i wouldn't be surprised if he kept some sort of track of how much gas is in the car)
3. I'd have to pay 50% of the insurance for the car
I think with my hours i could afford it and still have spending and saving money, however, what annoys me, is that i have no doubt they aren't buying this car for more than 3k, and i already have over 1k saved up, so why couldn't they just up sell the car to me. Would it be an asshole move to basicly deal a car for profit between your two children? Yeah, but it's better than not having a car and paying a toll to use an EXTRA car.
I'm really angry about this situation, but i know that there are kids who don't ever get a license before they're 18, don't have a car to use, and don't have the opportunities from my parents that I have. So am AITA for thinking they're being assholes? | HISTORICAL | {
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1e09GFMBC8uw63kETV6B20EQejZXnryN | arjihe | null | AITA Girlfriend wants to 'take a break' |
My ex-wife and I have had various conflicts on and off ever since we split. Stuff that adults should easily work through, but she makes things unnecessarily difficult and withdrawals when we don't agree.
Ex told my daughter 'her side' of the divorce and disputes, causing problems between my daughter and I. Ex has a history of demonizing me since the divorce. Daughter then started choosing to live with her mother most of the time and now I'm fighting to resolve her issues with me and return to 50/50 custody. I initiated counseling with my daughter and got an order for co-parent therapy from a judge too.
I eventually share these challenges with the girl I've been seeing for the past 4 months. As some custody hearing dates approach, girlfriend says she wants to 'take a break' for around a month or so, until my issues are settled.
Girlfriend says she wants to give me time to focus on fixing things with my daughter. She also mentioned that she dated a guy who had drama with his ex and eventually found out he was contributing significantly to the problems. She's a bit worried that may be the case here because my daughter's expressed problems with me seem trivial and don't explain why daughter wants to live with her Mom. (I agree they're trivial and shouldn't cause a separation). But she says the main reason is so I can focus and work things out with my daughter.
I don't need her to leave to work on things with my daughter. It doesn't make sense to me that we need to stop dating since it literally doesn't help my relationship with my daughter in any way.
I also told her that if I was causing problems with my ex and not being honest about it, that she SHOULD leave and find someone else. That's a huge red flag in my book too.
Lastly, I could be dealing with these issues for quite a while. I'd like someone who doesn't take off if my ex or daughter act up. She's not even involved in any real way with them. It seems like a weird decision and a behavioral red flag.
So I told her that if she insists on taking a break, then we're breaking up.
She then takes a week to think and finally says she "can't be with me now". So we're done.
I'm fine if she doesn't want someone with drama in their life, but she kept saying it was to help me. AITA for making this a dealbreaker? | HISTORICAL | {
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ndUMioEcuE9oAALCWw2yVH5j3HnTyERO | amy4nx | {
"description": "not changing my views for the relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not changing my views for the relationship? | Hello. My recent ex and I aren’t longer seeing each other due to many differences in opinion. I wasn't willing to change my perspective and neither was she, which accumulated at once I suppose.
I was her supervisor’s boss in a medium technology firm for about a year, and we hit it off in a business trip. I knew she was part of my division, but I didn't take the effort to get to know her. Though, We only started dating a few months post trip since we were never in the same country. I left the company as per my arrangements and now am in a new city about an hour from hers.
She constantly complained about how I only spend weekends with her, didn't let her have a sugar daddy (I have expensive tuition), didn't like her drinking/taking E, or liking her scandalous photos. She didn't like how my interests were too mainstream and basic, and would always tell me that she didn't see us together since I wasn't her type.
Initially, she was always telling me how we shouldn't be a couple, but I told her we should date a bit and see. Afterwards, when demands/requests/disagreements started, I didn't want to be together, and I told her, so she went to a club or something, and got mad when I was upset she was about to hook up with someone, since I pushed her.
Then, and this is the worst, I told her I didn't like her public photo where she dressed in a very exposed and explicit manner (not simple bikini) and kissing her bisexual friend for pride (she is also bisexual). This happened before we were together, but I didn't know not liking something like this made me a homophobe.
I read other posts before this, and I will say that I'm not perfect by any means. I have been cold a cold and manipulative person, heartless, you name it, but I didn't grow up with emotion so I never developed any. She has maybe too much, and relies on Tinder compliments instead of me since I don't give as much or validate her I think.
AMTA for not reaching out to her after I argued with her for her behaviour? I told her multiple times about my concerns, but the last time I was a bit more rude and therefore labelled as having lack of style, cold, homophobe, etc. | HISTORICAL | {
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B1W0qd0pinjWXPA99vnrS2sxOkBvUkSF | b1gmjf | {
"description": "cussing out a friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for cussing out a friend? | This one's a bit confusing, but I'll try my best to explain it all.
​
There's this guy who we'll call T. T and I have been really good friends for around 3 years now. Over those years we've had some complications, but we got over those and remained good friends. Here's where it gets slightly complicated - I was apparently his first 'really good friend', and that's fine by me. However, because of this he would get incredibly jealous of everyone I talked to. He wouldn't make it noticeable, but after I was done talking with that person he would pull me aside and tell me how he would appreciate it if I didn't.
This went on for a bit, until it got worse by me meeting a nice girl and going out with her a few times. T completely lost his shit. I got back from a nice date to find nothing but angry texts blowing up my phone. That should have been a major red flag for me, but I just saw it as him looking out for me.
Fast forward a few months, things didn't work out between me and the girl, and T and I are back to normal. Now comes more drama. I have the audacity to talk to a girl again, and T completely loses it once more. I try to explain to him that that girl is also one of my good friends, but he's not having it. The whole night my phone is blowing up again, and I decide to ignore him. The next day, I just act as if everything is normal, because I didn't want to put up with his shit.
That was around a year ago. Since then, it has gotten much worse. Just about everything I do results in me being yelled at by this guy, and he starts to enforce more and more rules, because apparently I broke his trust by talking to someone of the opposite sex. That all goes 'well' for a bit, until I manage to find love a second time under T's domain. This erupts into a full-blown rift. His crony friends are all taking his side, and everyone with common sense is taking mine. Somehow his friends win, and I'm left single and broken.
Stockholm syndrome gets to me, and I decide to give him one last chance. Fast forward to yesterday; we both were doing some volunteer work at the local zoo, and decided to talk a bit during the break. He began to get on the offense and bash me about talking to another friend of mine. I was completely fed up and cussed him out about how stupid his rules were, and how he shouldn't be such an untrustworthy little bitch. I then proceeded to get on my bike and immediately go home.
​
Just a bit of extra background; I'm not trying to karma farm by asking if I'm an ass by putting another ass in their place. T was mostly a very nice guy, and we did have a lot of fun together. It was just those fights and rules that really set me off. Another thing, T was quite insecure and mentally unstable at times, and I'm questioning whether my cussing him out might have affected any of that.
​
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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heJuHel5W5bxJYztj1NxuYUMoxUW5QnG | aqm941 | {
"description": "only using tinder for validation",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for only using Tinder for validation? | So I recently downloaded Tinder and have been getting a considerable amount of matches (~3 a day). At first, I would message all of them and try to have a conversation even though I knew there wasn't much of a chance of meeting up (I am a college student without a car). Recently however I stopped messaging anyone all together and just use the app for the dopamine rush I get when I match with someone.
I didn't think this was an issue until I saw posts on Reddit talking about how awful it is when someone matches and doesn't message so AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
YN3evgbEuDt3FT06wZaLcjNbmtbtMWCh | a4o3nt | {
"description": "thinking my spouse is over reacting",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for thinking my spouse is over reacting? | For reference this has happened before with us and I assured my spouse that I wasn’t trying to do anything. So my spouse was using the computer and one of my social media’s was open, my spouse check the messages and saw that I was talking (about 3 messages of nothing essentially) and asked me later on if I was in fact talking to this individual, I deleted the message as to not start anything or get my spouse upset over what I thought wasn’t a big deal. My spouse is telling me how hurt they are and how I lack respect for my spouse and our marriage, I’ve apologized to my spouse and said that if there’s a fix for this they we should fix it. I mean it was only 3 messages that had nothing of context. Am I the asshole for not really thinking it’s a big deal? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
np8vUcMx5blOdIl4lL5r3p2IeMAPDDD7 | auuuqo | {
"description": "not giving my class the answer for the homework",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for not giving my class the answer for the homework? | Second semester of college, statistics class. This is the second assigment and it is due tommorrow and is do’able in one day
The class consists of about 12 students and we are all some kind of friends, and i am the kind of the class nerd, (not that much) but about 10 of the 12 students are similar to me
So for the first assigment i was glad to give it to the students and all of them just copy pasted it exactly because at the begining of the class the Doctor clearly said that she is fine with the students “cheating” on their assigments, and when we submitted the first assigment everybody got above 9/10
Now here is the problem, A week after the first assigment there was a quiz, that was exactly the same assigment, the problem is that 2 students failed that easy quiz, the teacher knew they copied it from me and it made me feel stupid (for them) yet the teacher gave 0 fucks
The problem is that even those who didnt study at all passed becuase if you just bothered to read the assigment it would’ve been enough
So same senario is emerging here, second assigment and a second quiz similar to it,
I was thinking not to share my answers, but I believe that these 2 students wont do it and lose 10% of the total wieght
Yet, i would share the question pages in the book (since I know some students didnt bother to buy the 30$ book) and be willing to help anyone who have a question just that I will not gove direct answers
WIBTA if I didnt share the second assigment with everybody?
* assigment = homework | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
aEcWE75G6k1fgoWlB2yZyEtRFXYPBF1v | alit7v | {
"description": "feeling resentment towards my so",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for feeling resentment towards my SO? | Because this shits been eating me up
So my GF and I are best friends. We love each other, have fun, spend time together often and don’t tend to keep much from each other. I’ve been having difficulties with her depression though. Now, I damn well knew what I was signing up for because she basically told me she has depression and other problems that can eat at her. I have them too, but hers can be worse. She has PTSD, depression, anxiety and dysmorphia(undiagnosed)
So depression hasn’t been much of a problem, I can deal with days, weeks even of her being in an awful place. It’s almost nice because she trusts me during those times and seeks comfort from me... I wish I could make it all go away but the best I can do is just be there.
My biggest problem has been our sex life recently. The first year of the relationship we could’ve gone just about every single day having sex... I wasn’t expecting that to last to be honest but things have really flipped. Now we barely do so much as touch each other and it’s really because of her. I’m still extremely attracted to her but she says she’s just not sexually active right now because of how she views herself mixed with depression... I tried to understand for a while but when weeks turns to months you really start to doubt yourself. I don’t feel attractive anymore. She assured me it’s not my fault, and I’ve basically said all of this to her before and we’ve “gotten through it” but it just eats at me.
I feel unwanted, ugly, fat and whatever the hell else my beautiful mind can come up with. I don’t think she’s cheating mainly because she spends almost all of her free time with me and I truly do trust her... but I just can’t help but wonder if I’m being an asshole for expecting sex from her. I’m at the point where I’m shorter tempered with her, less interested in seeing her and just feel upset with her because of this.
I don’t know what to really do... she says she wants to “respark” our love life and do something nice but It’s been a couple weeks since that was really spoken of. We’ve had sex maybe twice during this dry spell and it didn’t seem bad but now I just can’t help but feel like she just did it out of pity.
Has anyone else had to deal with this? Am I an asshole for, despite knowing her mental problems, expecting a sex life? I’m at the point where I want to spend time with her but I don’t at the same time because I feel like I’m just making myself more upset. It’s not just the sex that’s upsetting, it’s the feeling of being unwanted. | HISTORICAL | {
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oPYF1zYv3ZJ7hREsxz5KnJvzseKjlbIb | b2z38d | {
"description": "not paying my abusive parents back money I owe them",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA for not paying my abusive parents back money I owe them? | ## WIBTA for not paying my abusive parents back money I owe them?
📷
I feel like I might be the asshole but genuinely want others opinions bc I'm struggling with this decision. On one hand I think you should always honor your word but on the other hand I really don't want to speak with my parents, and also am struggling with how much I owe them given how completely they failed me. I'm leaning towards paying but curious to see what others would do.
​
My parents took out parent plus loans for my college. My name isn't on them but I agreed to pay them back. I've been unemployed due to mental illness (depression and ptsd) but have gotten back on my feet and just started working again. So I was thinking I would start making payments to them. It's 25k and the last time I spoke to my mom I think she said she paid $150 a month.
​
The complicating issue is I am no contact with my parents since they're unstable. In the past they have refused to give me the loan number/info so I can only make payments through them (correct me if I'm wrong though). I really don't want to be in contact with them in any way so that's why this is giving me pause. Someone told me since my name isn't on the loans I won't be in trouble legally but idk if that's true.
​
Some context for when I say abusive: hit me in the face, back of the head, constant verbal abuse, allowed me to be around people who were known dangers to children unsupervised, where I was assaulted, told me I was making it up/crazy when I told, kicked me out when I came out to them (age 18), threatening to beat us and occasionally got into altercations with my siblings to the point where I had to physically remove my siblings to a safe locked room, etc etc. also chronic substance abuse/alcoholism which wasn't fun to deal with.
​
Tldr; I agreed to pay my parents back, but they also abused me my whole life, so can I call it even? Or should I pay them? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
QRnbvWyt9kuU89cet2hwswL93BmE9bLU | abnvqe | {
"description": "getting upset with my fiancé's parents for being overly accommodating",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset with my fiancé’s parents for being overly accommodating? | 36M who recently proposed to my girlfriend (33F). We are in town for the holidays visiting her parents who have been very generous to let us stay in their vacation home an hour by car outside of town. There’s a train that goes into town but most days fiancé’s parents will drive us back and forth into town. Some nights her parents will stay in the vacation home with us, other nights they have their regular home in town so they’ll just drop us off at the vacation home at night, hang out for a bit before heading back into town, then come back out in the morning to drive us into town.
All has been generally fine, my fiancé’s parents are the absolute nicest people and we get along well. But being in my 30’s especially, I appreciate having a little independence. So rather than being driven around by my fiancé’s parents back and forth from the vacation home, I’ve suggested to my fiancé that we take the train to and from town which takes an extra hour maybe each way.
The other day as my fiancé and I were on our way back from town on the train, her parents called her and insisted on picking us up from the next train station to drive us back to the vacation home. I told my fiancé that I much rather just stay on the train and walk, I didn’t like sitting in the back of a car in general, and to let them know we’re ok staying on the train. But despite my fiancé’s efforts to tell them that we’re fine and already on a train, her parents persisted (almost getting angry at my fiancé at one point) so my fiancé gave up and told me we had to get off at the next station where her parents were waiting for us. I was annoyed and unsure how to approach the situation, so just sat silently on the car ride home. My fiancé tried explaining to her parents that they were being controlling and her parents cheerfully apologized, but I could see that they found it strange to be apologizing for what they felt was them just being accommodating.
Then the next day, my fiancé had plans to hang out with her parents for the day so I went over to a cousin’s place in town to spend time with him and his family. Later that evening, my fiancé messaged me to let me know that her and her parents would be coming by at 9 pm to pick me up from my cousin’s to take us back to the vacation home. I asked if they could just drop her off at my cousin’s as we were having a nice time catching up, and her and I could find our own way home later.
That turned out to not be an option, and again my fiancé’s parents insisted on taking us back. I was again annoyed but conceded, and again expressed my annoyance by not saying a word on the ride home. Her parents tried to act as though nothing was wrong. When we got back to the vacation home they offered me food they had cooked but my annoyance at being treated like a child got the best of me and I just excused myself and went to bed early.
Am I the asshole for wanting a little flexibility with my time and my fiancé’s time when we’re on vacation? I understand that some parents will always see their kids as children no matter how old they are, but I felt especially annoyed when I was forced to cut short my time with my cousin who I only see once a year because it was apparently “bedtime.” On the other hand, I am so thankful to have in-laws who accept me as one of their own, as I’ve had ex-girlfriends whose parents didn’t like me for whatever reason and I’m thankful to be not dealing with trying to win approval.
TL;DR: On holiday in my fiancé’s hometown. Fiancé’s parents are overly accommodating and can come off as controlling. On the other hand, fiancé’s parents are genuinely the nicest most generous people you’ll ever meet so I feel bad for coming off as being ungrateful for their hospitality.
| HISTORICAL | {
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0VgaxxqXqKy2jbU0UOu0OrskzeEKSww6 | ax64fq | {
"description": "saying we should split up because my 1 year girlfriend doesn't want a threesome",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for saying we should split up because my 1 year girlfriend doesn't want a threesome? | So, I met my girlfriend a bout 16 months ago. When we first got together it was super casual, and I we were talking about having a threesome, but it never happened. After a few months we started getting more serious and she got upset when I brought up the threesome thing again. She said she didn't want to do it in Russia (where we lived) but said we could do it when we got to Cambodia. Now we're in Cambodia and she asked me what porn I watch while wanking and I said it is usually threesome stuff. She got really upset and I tried to avoid the conversation by suggesting we go to the gym.
She explained the reasons she feels hurt about it and we've had the same conversation several times. She asked if having a threesome was more important than her and I said yes, after some thought. She's really upset and has every right to be. I also think I've been pretty up front about this during our whole relationship, so I'm not sure if I am the asshole. I love her a lot and want to experience new and exciting things with her, but this doesn't seem to be something she's willing to do. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
nCqOmPTcj37TR5o7KmtcypBR6ebINeM9 | aq5rn6 | {
"description": "not understanding my girlfriends reaction during a conversation about our valentines plans",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not understanding my girlfriends reaction during a conversation about our valentines plans? | Title doesn't quite describe the full story. So a bit of background. I'm 25 and gf is 30. Been together seven months. We've had our arguments but we've grown because of some of them and to me she is like no other.
A week ago she left her wallet on a train, subsequently got it back later that night but cancelled all her cards in the interim. Today rolls round and the new ones haven't turned up, which is extremely frustrating for her obviously and most of us know what this is like I'm sure. Sunday night I hired a car for a few hours for valentines so I could take her to a quiet beach that evening and chill with a bit of food and wine. Something where she doesn't have to do anything except turn up - I had it all organised. I'm not sure whether she was clear that's what I wanted to do for her, just take care of her for the night but we talked about what I had in mind.
She mentions her cards haven't turned up and she'll see me next week, in what to me was a fairly conclusive tone. I said it sucks because I was really looking forward to it with her but maybe we can redo it when her cards turn up since that's stressing her. She asked me whether I'd really booked then felt a little bad when I said yeah (the car doesn't matter, it was only hired for a few hours and I didn't have to trade an organ for it exactly). I wanted to call her in the next day or two (we don't talk on the phone overly often, but on occasion) and she says I've bummed her out and we'll see. I say if this is about the car it's no biggie. She flies off the handle here, and calls me beyond clueless then tells me a normal partner would have said "no babe, I want to see you. I'll look after you".
Now to me I felt it was pretty clear that I wanted to see her. Who doesn't want to see the person they love and adore? I could be wrong here though of course. So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FH3rwbTPvApya4nWgVHDJwwLEdutAqax | b4xvs2 | {
"description": "working at an internship this summer",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for working at an internship this summer. | There are lots of small details so hear me out.
Last summer I was given a great opportunity by an ex girlfriend to work at an internship where her mother has a high position. I worked a long side my ex. We since broke up and tried to remain friends.
I then met my current girlfriend, while still remaining friends with ex. I met with my ex a few times casually after I started talking with my current girlfriend. My girlfriend wanted me to cut ties with ex as being friends was uncomfortable. This caused issues but ultimately I stopped being in contact with ex for several reasons. We haven't spoken now in a few months.
But fast forward to now, as I am trying to find another internship for this summer. I need a job and I am having a hard time. I want to work at the same internship where I would report to my ex's mother. But my current girlfriend says "I don't want you talking to anyone in her family."
WIBTA for working at the internship where I would report to her mother and possibly work alongside my ex? I have zero intentions of getting back together with my ex, and I desperately need a job. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KD2PfvvLAJO7jvWtH4Sa1531DkZZrrCt | b4qmg9 | {
"description": "leaving a party early because I thought it would be inconvenient to my parent if I waited",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving a party early because I thought it would be inconvenient to my parent if I waited? | Ok, for context. I’m a high school senior taking the IB diploma(essentially all advanced classes) and the IB coordinator hosts an annual sushi party for the IB DP seniors to celebrate being done with our big projects. I brought a cake to contribute since it’s very quick to make and I’ve been complimented on it before(there wasn’t an obligation to bring anything but I felt like I haven’t been particularly sociable with the other DP candidates before and I felt like an asshole for various accumulated slights in the past, but that’s another several stories).
So I arrive on time at 11:00 with the cake and everything goes smoothly until the scheduled time to leave(2:00), when things were still going strong and I’d lost track of time. At 2:16 my parent knocks on the door seeming concerned and frustrated, then returns to the car at my request. I know this was rude of me, especially once I checked my phone to find several text messages and a missed call from them. The host invites them in but they decline. I talk briefly with the host and estimate that finishing the current game and serving the cake would take about another 30 minutes. I get another text from my parent asking if I can get a ride home, and after I check I find nobody lives particularly close to me to drop me off.
So I take a piece of cake and leave the house only to find once outside my parent tells me I can stay. However I know they’ve already been waiting twenty minutes now and I don’t want to go back and cost everyone even more unnecessary time and effort than I already have, (not to mention solidifying how I’m certain I seem hopelessly wishy-washy to everyone already and wanted to at least actually commit to something), so I just ask to leave then and there. Was I the asshole for asking them to take me home then? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
b1dp8caqFnKBdFpn1j3XxCnHkrCUznJM | atkewm | {
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for not wanting to hang out with my family",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for not wanting to hang out with my family? | My boyfriend [M25] and I [F22] have been together for a little over a year now and he always tries to flake last minute when it has anything to do with hanging out with my family. I would let him know a couple days in advanced and he would agree to do so but when the day comes, he tries to find an excuse not to go. He does end up coming but he always dreads it but once he is there and we are there for a couple hours, when we leave, he’s like “oh that wasn’t too bad.”
We do come from different family backgrounds where I am pretty family oriented and close with my parents and extended family but he is not. My family really likes him and I tell him that all the time but he still dreads going. I just want to bring him to these things because it’s really important for me that my boyfriend wants to enjoy hanging out with my family as much as I enjoy hanging out with his. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lGNQdXj1IbWGj3arRzWYxQA7PtnNm0Wh | acbhb1 | {
"description": "leading on my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for leading on my friend? | It's gonna be a long one, but I really don't know how to feel about this and need some perspective. Tl;dr at the bottom.
So a little introduction.
I'm suffering from depression, and am taking medication for the past couple of months. I am dealing with the situation, and function better, but am not well yet. I'm 21.
Then there is my friend. Lets call her Debra. We met through our parents, and get along pretty well, but we don't see each other much. I did suspect for a while that she has a crush on me though. She's 18, and has never really had a boyfriend or any other romantic experience.
Fast forward to new years eve. I had it planned pretty chill, with a couple of close frends, board games, burgers and not much else. Near midnight, three of us still decide to go to the city center and check out fireworks and couple of concerts that were going on. Anyway, on our way back we met a couple of people we knew, and among them was Debra. They were pretty tipsy, compared to us.
I stayed there and we got separated soon, as I was doing my best to catch up with my intoxication levels. After the concert has ended, we all kinda wanted to go home, and Debra had a pretty long way to go, so it was kinda decided by her friend, she's staying with me for the night, as it did get flirty between us. Which Debra and I didn't object to.
**Here comes the AITA part.**
We get to my flat and I was a bit reluctant at first, as it didn't seem smart, even for a drunk me, and she was obviously nervous, but we ended up cuddling in my bed. I told her 'I can't promise much for tommorow, and it might get complicated, so I don't think it would be smart', but she was pretty entusiastic, even though nervous, and said we should continue. So we made out for a while, but nothing more. I made sure it didn't go too far and we were both ok with everything and it was consentual.
Next morning though, came the talk. I told her I am not capable of a relationship, and later also why, with my condition and everything. She was dissapointed but understood. We then talked a lot about my and her problems, unrelated to the incident, and it looks like it should be okay.
I still feel like an asshole tho.
**Dillema**:
I've talked with my friends and most think I was kind of selfish, but ultimately NAH, and I'm overthinking this. We are both adults, were both drunk, we didn't even have sex. I didn't force or pressure her into anything, she wanted this and we talked later. That she is an adult, and my age and 'expirience' don't make me responsible for her actions.
Part of me still screams YTA. That I lead her on. That I used her, knew she was into me, and while I do like her, I knew nothing would follow. That I should've tell her that sooner or just not let her sleep in my bed. That I am using my depression as a 'get out of jail for free' card, and an exuse to do shitty things, even though I know better. I'm not sure, but that might have been her first kiss. And I would't want my first kiss to be like that. I feel like I lead her on, and then shattered the storytale she was living in.
**Tl;dr:**
Met a friend for NYE that I knew is into me, flirted, and she spent the night. Didn't have sex, but did make out, which might have been the first time for her. Next day I told her I'm depressed and do not want any sort of a romantical relationship. She did. We talked and sorted it out but I think she is not as OK as she says.
Now I feel like ansshole, but my friends say I'm not. Judge me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
1CIgHcZH9czrj4xgEyvx3lVHflvPfPbO | b7es4i | {
"description": "taking a joke to far",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA by taking a joke to far? | So, I made a response to this post in malicious compliance. In the post towards the beginning they explicitly wrote, "English is my forth language, so just go over any mistakes."
If it weren't for the fact that we were on malicious compliance, I would have glossed over that, but because of the subreddit, I went over every mistake I could find.
The OP of the post was not happy and told me to calm down. I did not fire back, I just apologized and assumed responsibility for the misunderstanding, and the OP proceeded to rip me a new asshole and accuse me of every neckbeard stereotype they could think of.
I think I can see where I came across as patronizing, but I did not think I came across that big of an asshole.
Post for context: https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/b6k439/alright_ill_park_on_the_street | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
AWS8FtsFpvyrtUcR3okQeP7ig4sjSmBc | b0uc11 | {
"description": "not waking my partner up",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not waking my partner up? | This is such a trivial non-issue that I feel shame over it giving me as much difficulty as it does.
My partner is a deep sleeper. This means that she tends to sleep through my alarms. I usually avoid waking her up for at least a half-hour in the morning after I wake up. This is partially due to some past trauma with an ex, and partially due to her being very difficult to wake. Sometimes, I can pick her up and shake her, only for her eyes to roll back into her head as she turns limp in my arms and falls asleep! Some mornings, I just don't want to start the day off with that level of struggle.
She often complains that we wake up too late, but she won't set her own alarms to wake up to.
I already know I should talk to her about it (and that not talking about it probably makes me the asshole,) but it's hard to find the words for it in the moment.
So. Am I The Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Qcj4lbB7rxikb4pnw2AH30JlAOva3p5Y | b808af | {
"description": "avoiding my cousin because she has autism",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for avoiding my cousin because she has autism? | My cousins mother has really bad autism which clearly passed down to her daughter. My cousin was diagnosed with autism maybe a month or so ago. I started avoiding her because the autism really shows. She focuses on one thing for ages.eg- once she here’s the word poo she talks non stop about it for half an hour even after you try to change the topic to something like food or her toys but she doesn’t stop.
Her going on about a topic for so long is really annoying so i try to avoid her. AITA for doing so? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lEXAG2eua5nkB99VXHEehWc1VmO80FmD | aj7244 | {
"description": "not wanting to know about my brother's sex life? NSFW",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to know about my brother's sex life? NSFW | My best friend is dating my brother and she talks about their sex life despite me expressing that it makes me very uncomfortable. She doesn't do it as often as she used to but she will occasionally talk about the things they do in the bedroom. She gets frustrated when I get upset because my other sister is perfectly fine with talking about it. She said she feels like she shouldn't have to hide things and should be able to talk about things openly with me. However, she knows that I've been sexually abused by multiple family members, including my brother (though she refuses to acknowledge that), and as a result, I get very upset when the topic of sex comes up. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to suck it up and deal with it or if I keep insisting that she doesn't talk to me about it So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
27h0YtpGkjdxHKxjaqewRecoF4gTBxus | ayv2om | {
"description": "refusing to tell my bf about my n count",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for refusing to tell my bf about my n count? | We (30F, 30M) have been together for sic months. one day, he asks the question: "How many men have you slept with?"
My answer was " A lady does not kiss and tell". I told him I do not share that kind of info out of principle. I believe one has the right to personal intimacy that should not be violated at any cost.
He was silent from then on but at this point I dont think I care anymore. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
8mDfW7vVrY04x9dhSrBS1rYtNYXCGffX | aam3wd | {
"description": "ghosting a friend group after bridesmaid selections",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ghosting a friend group after bridesmaid selections? | I’ve always had trouble making friends (long story short, childhood neglect and lack of proper socialization). I’ve improved a lot, but still struggle really connecting with people sometimes. I do have a few close friends, but unfortunately all but one have moved away for some fantastic career advancement opportunities.
The friend who stayed local (OG) made some new friends and we were having a hard time finding times to meet up because of her newly busy social schedule. She eventually started inviting me out to hang with this new group of friends. There’s 4 of them (plus OG) and they’re all very nice girls.
In the beginning I remember always being the last to know about things, and if we were trying to pick dates that worked for everyone, they would always pick dates that didn’t work for me if picking another date meant someone else couldn’t come. I wrote it off as just being new and tried to go with the flow but I felt a bit rejected and unimportant. Whenever I went out to things, all was great.
Well 3-4 years went by and I still felt like a last priority. I felt like other than perhaps one girl (D), I wasn’t really connecting with anyone individually despite having a great time whenever we all got together. I wasn’t upset with anyone over this or anything, sometimes you just don’t click. But it remained that I was always kind of invited as a tag a long and became painfully aware that the situation wasn’t changing as time went on.
I started to realize that this maybe wasn’t the friend group for me if I constantly had these subtle unpleasant feelings of rejection. I think I was putting far too much effort into and prioritizing people that weren’t doing the same. For instance, I’d always gotten everyone birthday gifts and/or helped plan birthday activities but one was never organized for me.
Things actually started to improve a a little bit, with D in particular trying to ensure I was kept in the loop. But then one of the girls got engaged. As expected, everyone but me was asked to be a bridesmaid. Now I am super happy for her and would never expect to be chosen as a bridesmaid. But at the same time, it felt like an actual line had finally been drawn, and I had something tangible I could point to to confirm my feelings of being the “extra” friend in the group.
So while I have no hard feelings toward the bride to be, the selection was sort of the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. Whenever we were planning to get together, they would say how it would be a wonderful opportunity to discuss bridesmaid dresses, hair/makeup, etc. I understand the excitement, but I think I would feel super left out during those discussions being that I don’t have a bridesmaid dress and won’t be coordinating hair and makeup with them.
So I quietly stopped going to things. It was kind of upsetting at first, so I muted the chat group a few months ago, as whenever it popped up I got a little sad.
I still see my OG friend and make a bit of an effort towards D. I just don’t want to go hang out with a tight knit group where I’m the only non-bridesmaid and the topic will inevitably come up and rub salt in the wounds. At the same time, I don’t want them to all secretly vow not to bring up the wedding planning in front of me. I understand that schedules don’t permit them to get together that often so of course they want to plan. I realize I’ve essentially made it an impossible situation to solve because of my “feelings”, and I’m okay with that. At this point, I just want to really focus on people who I feel value my company. The dynamic of this group just really didn’t provide for that. I still am super friendly to each of them if we ever run into each other, so I thought it was all okay, but maybe not.
I’d heard talk that the bride-to-be was worried I was mad at her, but I always try to be friendly in the usual way if I run into her and through social media, etc. Later, OG even said the bride to be was considering making me MC. I think they realized the timing of my absence wasn’t a coincidence, so this was probably out of guilt, and unfortunately, I hate public speaking, but I did really appreciate the thought. But at this point (7-8 months later), I kind of felt like I had already resolved to move on. As I said, I think they’re all great individually, I just don’t feel I have a place in this right-knit group.
Anyways, I missed in the group chat that I had muted that they organized a get together and OG texted me to ask whether I was coming. She stated what the night would entail, and wedding-party related planning was on the agenda. I had been trying to keep my feelings quiet about the whole thing, because I didn’t want it to get back to the bride to be and upset her in any way but it seemed like that wasn’t working. So I told OG that I would pass this time because I think I would feel left out/out of place, but thanked her for taking the time check in and said we have to get together sometime soon.
I haven’t heard back since.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rimQZXhrAHNYXkx7pcVRgiYbZyvyNTpB | b6zw6y | {
"description": "telling a mother that maybe her teenage son needs to toughen up",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 73
} | AITA for telling a mother that maybe her teenage son needs to toughen up? | Earlier in the week the mother of one of my son’s classmates came over to discuss a problem between our boys. I guess my son has been telling her son that he stinks, is gross, and so on. I told her I would talk to my son about it and we exchanged numbers in case there were any other problems.
I talked to my son and he didn’t deny it. He says the boy does smell really bad and is assigned to sit next to him in one of their classes. I told him to just try to ignore it and just stay away from him otherwise.
Last night I got a call from the classmate’s mother saying that my son had picked on her’s again during lunch and that he was upset again. I confronted my son about it and he said that her son has been purposely sitting across from him at lunch because he knows that it bothers my son.
I called the classmate’s mother back and told her what my son had said. I told her that it’s not ok that my son was rude, but to be fair no one wants to smell bad hygiene while they’re trying to eat. And also if her son was going to go out of his way to put himself in that position then maybe he should toughen up a bit.
She just hung up on me. I don’t condone bullying and have talked to my son about it again, but at the same time I don’t feel my viewpoint on it is all that ridiculous. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 54,
"OTHER": 55,
"EVERYBODY": 19,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 8
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 58,
"WRONG": 73
} | WRONG |
bsm3wa0y7eka9ZMVI2I1a7Jm45CucYIq | auqay7 | {
"description": "blowing up at a girl because she cracked my phone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for blowing up at a girl because she cracked my phone. | Obligatory, I am on mobile, sorry for mistakes.
I am literally typing on the phone that she broke. So today during lunch at school, this girl comes up to me and my friend, and over and over again is being hella annoying and messing with my friend who was just sitting there listening to music.
She kept screaming in his ear, and yanking out his earbuds full force, which even hurt his ears. Eventually, my friend got fed up, and snatched the girls lunchbox, and she exploded, and tried hitting him and scratching him.
He then handed it to me, and it kind of became a game of keepaway, as she was still trying to take it back, upset. Eventually she took my phone, and just threw it straight into the air, leaving a giant crack through the middle of the screen.
I just blew up, I yelled at her and even said I would get her to pay for it, and she just didn't care. She said it was not her fault that SHE broke my phone, and that I was the one to take her lunchbox, even though the entire time she was messing with my friend.
So, AITA because she sure thinks I am. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
fsrCd1VQ80Kg5lRegviWfX7Bdg9Dx0LN | a8g9t8 | {
"description": "spending time alone while visiting family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for spending time alone while visiting family? | I’ll preface this with, I’m an introvert. I sometimes seem like you like extrovert because I’m extremely friendly and love talking to people. Unless I tell people they would never guess I’m introverted. No matter how much I like the people around me I need time by myself. It gets tiring and I want to curl up with a puzzle or Netflix and watch “Friends” not having to be “on” for people.
Now I am visiting my parents (also sister and brother are also here) for Christmas. So far during the day my sister and mom and I like to go out and go shopping or visit my sisters dogs are staying in the same town but at a friends house(parents condo won’t allow big dogs), and I enjoyed that time. But after 6-8 hrs of being with them I want to hide in the guest room I’m staying in. I come out for dinner, and make a lovely conversation but then want to go right back. My mom gets REALLY offended by this. I hate making her upset but I want time by myself. It probably doesn’t help that I just spent a longer than usual run on tour constantly being around people, and interacting with them.
First, am I the asshole? Or an asshole? It not like I don’t spend time with my parents, literally, like an entire work day with her and my sister is to be had everyday I’ve been here so far. Second, how do I deal with this even if I’m not an asshole? I really hate making my mom upset. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
eXs6QEkoooJfY0mASqNNbcZc7oA4g6cS | ax2mnf | {
"description": "telling a friend that his friend was secretly harassing him",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a friend that his friend was secretly harassing him? | One of my friends in college was mad that our other friend wasn't spending enough time with him. He decided to create a fake identity that he used to harass our friend with extremely personal insults. He let me in on it because he assumed that I had his back.
Instead, I told our friend about it in front of him. He acted totally put off by me from then on and held a grudge against me doing passive aggressive things to mess up my life until we finally stopped being friends.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
cVZGW3nrEQio9ZcEB5pkvDGTfKijCdFG | aba8oe | {
"description": "expecting to share finances - including debt - after marriage",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for expecting to share finances - including debt - after marriage? | TL;DR - I have about $50k in student loan debt after 3 degrees while my SO’s parents paid for his education 100%. He wants me to keep paying for it out of a separate checking account after we get married.
My boyfriend and I are looking to get engaged later this year. We’re trying to be responsible and have all of The Conversations you’re supposed to before you get married. We got to the finance part of that today.
He said unequivocally that all bills, utilities, and normal costs (groceries, car repairs, etc) should be paid from a joint checking account that we’ll open while engaged, but he’d consider keeping a separate account open for “spending money,” etc. I told him I wasn’t entirely comfortable with that - he’s extremely trustworthy, but that still feels secretive and too easy to make into a problem. He agreed that made sense so he wouldn’t but asked if I was keeping a separate account to keep paying for my student loans. I was shocked and a little hurt, to say the least.
He comes from an upper/upper middle class family who sent him to private school K-12 and paid for his college entirely. My parents are public school teachers so obviously they couldn’t do that for me, but I had a large part of undergrad covered with scholarships. I have two BAs and will finish grad school soon with a total debt of about $50k. Not great, but I know that’s still at or below average for our generation.
He said he’s uncomfortable paying for debt he didn’t accumulate and doesn’t want that “affecting credit scores and stuff.” (It’s worth noting his parents are pretty secretive about money, so his financial education is... lacking.) I can understand that in general, and it would be a different conversation if he’d had his own debt that he paid off solo. I also explained that I’m not expecting him to write a check from his own salary while I go blow my own pay on dumb stuff. I feel like I’m being held at arm’s length or looked down on because of a completely normal, if shitty, part of life that he was just lucky enough to avoid.
AITA for looking at marriage this way - a total combination of everything, including all the baggage in all its forms? Does it matter that our situations are so disparate in this instance?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
N5OnR8esR3gFWHZHh7kJERq9NMTy3qCw | b79ow0 | {
"description": "not wanting to pay for my mother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not wanting to pay for my mother | i was raised by a single mother. i still saw my dad every weekend. my dad comes from a wealthy family, my mum comes from a poor one.
​
growing up money was inconsistent. i went to a private school which my dad paid for. i would often go skiing and dad would pay for it. but there were also times where there wouldn't be much food in the house or i would literally have to argue with my parents to get them to buy me clothes or school stuff. i had an xbox 360, but my mother would also refuse to buy fresh bread because it's too expensive.
​
my little brother fell into drugs when he was 14 and dropped out of school. he is usually on welfare and struggles to hold down a job.
​
growing up we were always anxious about money because my mother would always reminds us how poor we are. i had to argue with her to get new clothes or more food.
​
when i left home for university things got a lot better. i was never close with my parents but financial tension eased when i left. maybe this is around the same time my mother finished paying for her mortgage. maybe me not eating her food made her happier. i also think she started seeing me as an investment.
​
i went to uni for 5 years, my parents paid for my halls of residence which is 13k or so during one of those years. and were kind enough to give me about 9k cash (7 from mum, 2 from dad). whenever my mum would give me money, she would say something like "you'll pay me back when you're older". she is always 'joking' about how i owe her a lot of money. she says it like a joke but we both know she's serious.
​
despite this, she's not actually in a bad financial situation. she owns her own house, she has a mortgage on a second one which she rents out. she's told me she has 600-700k in assets. she obviously managed to keep saving money while raising me because she told me she only had 150k when she split from my father when i was 7.
​
i've since moved overseas but my mother is coming to visit other family we have here in a week. she rang me today and said she's expecting me to take her out for dinner (she's put more effort into our relationship ever since i earn more money) i told her "you mean you're paying for dinner though, right mum?" and she was definitely pissed off by this. she more or less said good bye then and told me to call back when im in a better mood.
​
so am i the asshole for not feeling more grateful for her? for not wanting to pay for dinner? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
mpzdH0BY7HZdtHEKvUGHIzGxj6sbvnP5 | b6ipwt | {
"description": "complaining about a fellow student to our course leader",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for complaining about a fellow student to our course leader? | So a bit of context. I'm currently studying chemical engineering in the UK. For those of you who don't know, we're given loans by the government. This includes our tuition fees plus a maintenance fee that they give based on home financial situations. We don't see the tuition fee, it goes straight to the universities, however our maintenance fee is split into 3 drops throughout the year. Our last one for this year is due at the end of April.
​
At the beginning of the year I became friends with a lad however as the years gone on we've basically stopped talking. He began the year saying he knew everything the lecturers were teaching as he'd done it the year before (apparently) and made out like the course was ridiculously easy. He failed miserably, surprisingly. I myself am struggling and I'm not bashing someone else for not being able to cope with the work but what I can't stand is that he made out like he was better than everyone else and to be honest, he made myself and a few other friends feel like maybe we weren't able to cope with the work.
​
Now he's decided that it's the lecturers fault (apparently their teaching is atrocious yet others are able to grasp it) and he'd like to change degrees for next year. Fair enough. Our course leader told him he'd have to attend classes and put in work otherwise not only would he not be able to carry on next year be he also won't receive his last payment from student finance. A few days ago I confronted him about it as he's still in our class Facebook group joining in discussions yet has turned up maybe 4-5 times max since January. He hasn't participated in any group work and has been one of the reasons why groups have been uneven. His response was that not only was it up to him when he turns up but also that he hadn't handed a form in to finalise his move to a different course, therefore his payment isn't cut off.
​
My response was that it was people like him that were messing it up for the rest of us, to which he said he's still getting his money so he doesn't give a shit basically. I've got a few more friends that have decided to do the right thing and switched but aren't milking taxpayers money and are waiting till next year for their student finance to start again. As I didn't agree with it, I emailed our course leader about it.
​
This has just happened so I've not told anyone really and the two friends I have told agree with me however part of me still feels bad. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9DPCB5ypNwgTu2csLXWbFzeFHdQjQJaP | ardsa3 | {
"description": "calling out a girl's wedding request",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for calling out a girl's wedding request | I was invited to the wedding of a girl I was friends with in high school. We've drifted apart in the last few years and we only talk occasionally. I've never met her fiancé. I was flattered she decided to invite me.
However, in her wedding invite was a flyer that said, "Instead of gifts, please donate to one of these charities."
The thing is, almost all the charities are very political organizations, like planned parenthood, charities for homosexual people, blm associated stuff etc. To me this seemed like virtue signaling, since she's white, super rich, and straight. On top of that, it doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room for people who don't support these organizations, and makes people look bad if they choose not to donate on that basis.
I pointed it out to some mutual friends who were also invited but they basically told me to shut up and just not go if I don't want to donate. It's not a me thing though, its the principle of it. AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
SBwV3Cnjzw9oCqMhTefw1aj7gxB92tfO | b38wbs | {
"description": "not wanting to be the only person who talks to my grandfather",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be the only person who talks to my grandfather? | Hi all. I live away from my family and see them roughly every couple of months. My grandfather used to be relatively well for someone of his age. In the last couple of years hearing issues have started to set in; this makes having a conversation hard. He doesn’t always wear a hearing aid. A lot of conversations with him turn into a one way street.
My grandmother basically dumps him on the couch when she arrives at our place. No one else will actually stop to sit and chat with him except me. But the conversations lead nowhere. He means so well but he’s told me everything so many times. It’s very rarely offensive, just boring.
He’s had other health issues recently which aren’t immediately life threatening but they are a reminder of his mortality. I feel bad for resenting my grandfather for what is basically the expected result of old age. But I think my family doesn’t notice that he sits there, isolated and outside of the conversation, if no one else sits with him. So I pick up the burden of the conversation.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Fbxj3VQ3tc4HuIBj4QWgBcQQbsjAJLY9 | aowhwn | {
"description": "taking my sometimes snappy dog to get groomed",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I take my sometimes snappy dog to get groomed? | My english pointer is people friendly and dog friendly. However, he was feral for a period of time before I got him and developed a few bad traits. Mostly its when he's sleeping you cannot wake him up by touch or he will growl and snap at you. He does not attack, but just defends himself until he realizes whats going on. He also snaps when you accidentally put too much force on certain areas of his body. By snapping I mean like a defense "bite" to know to back off. He's never landed a bite and dont think he intends to.
​
Is it reasonable to ask a pet store for a grooming appointment? Obviously I'd tell them about it, but I'd feel bad if its not common or appropriate. Otherwise I guess I'll buy all the products and do everything at home. I've given him a bath with no issues in the tub before. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
DFNPkyguk44dvj8wNZrwpruvhKoGUMXG | 9zzlzm | {
"description": "using cancer in an argument",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for using cancer in an argument | So i was out drinking with friends and having a good time at the pub when some random brexit thing came on the TV and got them all going. I lie pretty much dead centre and most my mates lean pretty far to the left (we've taken those political compass tests so i'm not pulling this out of my ass). I started rolling my eyes and preparing to leave; as i live with some of these guys and I do my best not to get political with them as i'm not going to win any 1 v 5 debates.
Then a new guy to the group starts going on about how old people ruined everything and they shouldn't have a vote, and this pissed me off quite obviously as i'm close with my grandparents. I asked why he thought that and he said that they're going to die soon anyway so what does their opinion matter. I replied sarcastically that it was a good point and we should also take the vote away from the morbidly obese and even cancer patients as they probably wont be around as long either using his logic. I had no idea his brother had cancer and he got pretty pissed off and everyone said i went to far. I stated that what they hate about what i said is what disgusted me about what he originally said. Now this guys very heavy so it looks like i chose to mention obesity and cancer because they relate to him.
I see this guys quite a bit now as he's joined our society at uni, should i apologise to him or explain I had no idea about his brother. Or am i even in the wrong?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
vvOIifLcx1zUxRH190eOsVNkaYBoFrJJ | b3tykp | {
"description": "telling my MIL I wouldn't make my husband's doctor appts",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my MIL I wouldn’t make my husband’s doctor appts? | My husband isn’t always great about going to the doctor regularly and his mom recently said to me, “You need to make sure he goes to the doctor, pineapplesounds. His health is too important!” And I said, “He’s a grown man. He can make his own appointments and he does when he needs to. His health is his responsibility.”
I do remind him when I make my own annual appointment, but we’ve never been the couple that makes appointments for the other and I especially refuse to be the wife that infantilizes her husband by making appointments for him. His body, his health, his responsibility. But my MIL said that couples “take care of each other” and basically that ITA for not trying harder to make sure he takes care of himself. Husband says I’m only the asshole for making it a “thing” with his mom instead of just saying “yes, of course” and changing the subject. What does Reddit say? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
eZYwhHrYt0vcrxl18TI5B12uU0SH4vBB | aeo5o7 | {
"description": "asking couple to pay \"fair share\"",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking couple to pay "fair share"? | I rent a home with another friend of mine. Two other occupants are leaving and getting off the lease. Another couple is set to take their place but I'm not sure who's being unfair here. The couple (of course) would be taking the master bedroom. It's approximately twice the size of the other two rooms. The rent comes out to $1630 in total. At first i had mentioned just splitting it 4 ways. New roommate comes back and says "No, me and gf wanna pay more since we have bigger room. We'll pay 600 (between the two of them), you and (other roommate) pay $515 and we split utilities." I texted him back today saying that it didn't seem fair that he (and gf) were essentially paying $200 less than we were and suggested $750 between the 2 of them (So me and other roommate pay $440 each). He responded that it wouldn't be fair for them since me and (other roommate) have our own bathrooms and also reliable AC and heat (they have 2 AC units in their room and if it seems relevant at all for comfort/discomfort we live in florida and previous roommates have never complained about this) and still states he's fine splitting utilities down the middle though.
Only rented a handful of places before, so perhaps I'm the asshole here. I'm just starting to go to school though and it's gonna be kinda tight for me if i have to pay $515 PLUS utilites. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZmANYfwvY6OfVjugt5YQm3r7TFYiOKdO | b3fz62 | {
"description": "missing the morning madness",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - Missing the morning madness | Ok some background, my wife and I both work full-time and have a 4 year old daughter. The wife works about 8 miles away and I work about 30 miles away. If I'm out the door by 6am, it takes me 35 minutes to get to work & I can then leave around 3pm and home in about 35 minutes. If I leave home any later than 7am then it takes me 90 minutes to get to work and have to leave around 5pm, taking me another 90 minutes to get home.
​
I work from home 2 days per week so the other 3 days I generally leave at 6am to miss the traffic and the wife has to get herself and my daughter dressed, out to nursery and then to work. She keeps going on at me that it's not fair that she has to rush around like a mad woman and put up with the morning tantrums by herself. And I get it, it can be mad rush in the mornings getting ready, and the 2 days I work from home of course I get my daughter ready whilst my wife gets herself sorted.
But AITA for leaving early and not helping out to save myself a total commute increase of 2 hours each day? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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"NOBODY": 5,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pC2kxnRrI7MuJrcaMWOhKuLK9cUciuWz | a6digp | {
"description": "being annoyed my partner only points out negative shit about me and never compliments me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being annoyed my partner only points out negative shit about me and never compliments me? | For example, I got a Brazilian wax last month. He never commented on how smooth or nice it felt. I even was like mmmm I like how soft my vagina is and he looks at me awkwardly and says nothing. Three weeks later he was like wow, did you shave recently because it looks stubbly like it’s growing back in? I was like what the fuck kind of weird fucking question is that?
Also, I was wearing nice lipstick for a holiday party and my lips looked freaking good and I did my makeup all nice. He doesn’t say a word about my makeup or anything but later says wow, you got some food on your lip. And when he kissed me he was like mmm... you have some dry skin on the side of your lip.
I just started to wear more makeup. I was nervous about looking terrible but I like doing it and wanted to get better. Literally the next day after I start trying to do my makeup more we are watching a movie and he comments on how this girl on TV is wearing way too much makeup. He has never said that about any tv character ever.
He also said he knew my Boobs were fake cause they’re too perky (no one has ever in my life made any negative comment about my tits) and sometimes when we lie down he tried to smoosh them down to make them flatter. He also won’t touch my boobs unless I ask him to. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
sbschuYSYgicI0BazzxtEjaQHFqYluWk | apcilo | {
"description": "responding late in the group chat",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for responding late in the group chat? | So on Saturday a friend texted in our group chat made for everyone in a specific class. We're a pretty small group, so the chat isn't particularly active outside of class days and is largely memes/teasing/asking about homework etc. The friend asked if anyone would be attending a month or two away upcoming event related to the class' subject, and nobody responded for a day. I don't know if this is common, but usually I have my group chats muted and this was no exception. I didn't see the text until a day later, by when the friend had also texted "y'all fake" since nobody had responded. I didn't register it as an important question (the next class is the day right after this) and responded with the Ariana Grande "and what about it" meme. Once they responded a few hours later, I mentioned something else to the group (an idea) and didn't send an explicit no until about 5 min. later. I had already sent "sorry :(" but i understand if that wasn't clear. No one else had said a thing.
The person then complained that I had a phone so it shouldn't have been hard to just answer/ that they thought we were friends who could text. I apologized and explained that I had thought we had already talked about this, since an earlier in class conversation when I talked about not going. I also suggested that they text people individually because others probably have the chat muted like I do or thought it also wasn't addressing them.
At this point, I was getting a little embarrassed / conscientious of the fuss being made in front of the group and texted the person individually, saying I didn't realize the question was urgent/important to them, that again I wasn't going, and that I only wanted to encourage the best methods of actually reaching people. It gets a little interesting here.
I failed to mention the -you have a phone- comment had actually been written/signed by this person's best friend. And this person's friend continued to text me on the original asker's phone when i texted them directly. Their friend said I had been rude and a smart ass (hence AITA). I said I didn't intend to be and intonation can be hard to interpret over text which may have caused problems. Their friend responded to me saying that i WAS rude, there was no interpreting of intonation, I carried it on unnecessarily, and just didn't answer the question when I could have, and that it's just annoying.
At this point I'm a little overwhelmed because I really didn't think there was much to be upset over at all. I just restated what I had said earlier, basically, about my answer to the question and how to get everyone else to respond. Their friend (at parts it's actually unclear who exactly is typing. based on history texting both, it's likely the question asker's friend wrote most if not all of the responses) said I missed the point.
I apologized again and said I hadn't meant to be rude, not perfect, hope it's not a big deal, etc.
To this, I was told I'm coming off as self righteous, like i didnt do anything wrong (i didnt believe i did so 😬), and that it was more upsetting I didn't know how to apologize because it doesn't come off as authentic but defensive.(with an addendum-- this is OA's friend btw)
I just apologized again, said I'd give space if necessary (have planned out to eat with a different lunch group a bit at least), and that I didn't have anything more to say, which ended it with an "ok."
IMO, the whole thing was a big reaction over a little question, especially considering the only other person who said anything in the GC was someone i specifically requested answer the question via individual text to try to defuse / bc I wasn't sure the person would do that themselves like i recommended.
I was especially uncomfortable having the person's friend handle this for them. I really have no idea what the person themselves actually thinks and in general find it weird/not ok for someone to be handling a friend's business like that.
But, AITA? I really don't want this drama to be a thing next week.
TL;DR: friend texts the group chat with non-urgent question, no one responds, friend calls everyone fake, still no one responds so I send a meme & off-topic comment well before an actual response. friend's best friend texts me in place of them reprimanding my rudeness, doesn't believe apology.
| HISTORICAL | {
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UfpHf6qdo14iRARidXfjNpHONjTQWdOd | atda2y | {
"description": "leaving my friend group",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my friend group? | I (17M) was apart of a friend group (5 people (also 17M) including myself) for about a year and a half, when recently I started to lose interest. The things we did weren’t as fun and hanging out with them wasn’t what it used to be.
I started to talk to them less, and eventually stopped communicating entirely. They all got really pissed and called me a traitor and assumed I left because I thought they weren’t popular enough. As I said, that isn’t true; I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.
AITA for leaving my friend group? They’re all mad at me and I don’t know if abandoning them was the right decision.
P.S., leaving them was not my first option- I thought we could all be friends even if we didn’t text very often or talk on PlayStation, but instead, only speak in person. (I was wrong.) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
n2vxPMVVyx2P8V3dhB4KjWjM4krbT6T3 | akn6bh | {
"description": "wanting to beat up a kid for not showing up to a project meeting",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for wanting to beat up a kid for not showing up to a project meeting? | Ok. Second time posting here dont feel like explaining background on me again. Ok so basically in Writing Class we have to write and stage a play to record and present to the class. This kid has a history of not doing his work and kept up that trend for this project as well. We ended up writing the script without him. This kid who btw was the star of the play decided he wasn't gonna be available until the Sunday before it was due.
We are kinda fine with it but are in more of a rush. So we plan it from 12 - 6. This 6 hours and he can come in at any time. He then decides he's gonna come at 2. Alright that's fine but its gonna put us back a bit. We waited an hour after he was supposed to show up until he finally said I cant make it today. Now everyone's pissed because we just wasted an hour trying to communicate with him. Then we have to have someone else play his part. Not gonna lie the way he acted like the schedule was based around him really pissed me off. I legit wanna beat this kid up for riding out on all my groups work without doing anything. AITA?
Btw I'm on mobile
Edit: I wrote this because people told me I was in the wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
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TVs5uIrkibZE54zaowCpCtPhaZr8qmDz | aqrp1x | {
"description": "not fully understanding the demands of medical school and being upset I did not get more attention during my cancer treatment from my ex which lead to a break up",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not fully understanding the demands of medical school and being upset I did not get more attention during my cancer treatment from my ex which lead to a break up? | Tldr at the bottom.
My ex and I started dating about a year ago. She broke up with me about six weeks ago after an argument we had.
We were best friends and she started living with me and working with me a couple weeks before we called it official. She had been accepted to med school a few days before she started work but decided to work for 6 months before heading 5 hours away to school. Coincidentally, my father passed three days after she moved in. There were numerous times during the ensuing months where I felt a tremendous amount of pressure in juggling my relationship and the needs of my family. She did not help. She would give me a hard time and not want to participate in family gatherings and often would request we make a weekend trip to her home about 5 hours away. To be clear, I was happy to oblige her, and looking back, I was somewhat blinded from family happenings because of my new relationship.
This put a lot of strain on the relationship, and when she moved out to go to school last June, I was somewhat relieved I could do some things with my family as we were recovering from the loss of my father. Fast forward to September. Things are going okay. She’s been very negative about the stresses of school and expects me to drop what I’m doing to talk things through with her very often. But it’s okay, I was happy to be supportive as I understood med school was stressful. Then, I was diagnosed with stage 2 testicular cancer. On a Wednesday, I was told that I’d have surgery on Friday. Of course I informed my then girlfriend and she seemed upset but somewhat passively. She had the following Monday and Tuesday off school. I somewhat expected her to come down and see me, even for just a day. But, she was in just her second month at school and so I let it slide that she had lots of studying to do and couldn’t make it.
Doctors recommended I undergo three weeks of chemo in November. I had seen her in October when I went up to visit her hometown for a wedding. Prior to that, we hadn’t seen each other since early September. During chemo, I was spent. I felt horrible most days, and she didn’t seem to care. She continued to complain about how hard classes and exams were and wanted to FaceTime me frequently. All I wanted to do was put my face in a pillow and sleep.
I had conversations prior to treatment with her about how I really needed her during chemo and was met with a sentiment of “yeah okay but you got to understand how difficult school is and this is my future.”
She did not come visit during chemo, and I’d argue that she put more stress on me by her constant negativity about school and tossed around the idea that I go visit her the week after my treatment was over. I told her I wasn’t feeling well enough to make the drive.
I wanted to go see her in December, but I would always have to make sure it wasn’t too busy of a weekend for her with school. So I didn’t end up going. Over her Christmas break, we had a fight that was basically related to how I spend too much time with my family and school is hard and she needs someone who can really be there for her. I tried explaining that I was just getting my bearings back after treatment but she didn’t take too well to that. She broke it off via text after three years of friendship and ten months dating.
AITA for not sympathizing with what she was going through in med school while going through my own problems? I’m really trying to see it from her side.
TLDR; ex complained a lot about me spending time with family after fathers death, when we moved long distance, she didn’t visit/wasn’t very supportive during my cancer treatment. I was the bad guy for not understanding how difficult med school was. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
9SBeA4t6MSaFsgG9aV1qX3Kk4ZIYAMEY | 9x8dfv | {
"description": "yelling at someone loudly doing weighted squats in the gym",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 33
} | AITA for yelling at someone loudly doing weighted squats in the gym????? | I was at the local gym and was really pumped to try a new workout routine I read about. It was about 5:45pm on a Tuesday, so the place was packed with after-work crowds getting in a workout before dinner. I was working on a quick circuit with a treadmill, some free weights, and a bench. I notice a pretty jacked dude getting setup for his bench presses, which is right next to my bench. Though he looked jacked, he definitely couldn't easily lift the weights he had and was really struggling, and making loud annoying breathing sounds. I HATE THAT, it immediately makes me want to make eye contact and scream.
​
Mr. dude loudly finishes his bench press set, after which he begins getting free weights for some squats, again right next to my area. Again, he picks up at least twenty pounds too much and begins to squat and almost fall over into me. I felt I had to constantly move my gear further away because of him. During his last set, I was finishing up some curls and heard that annoying loud breathing sound. I had enough, so I dropped my weights and walked up to him and looked him dead in his sweaty eyes and yelled "SHUT UP AND SQUAT! He was so taken aback, he didn't know what to do...so he dropped his weights and proceeded to walk over to the security desk to report my lashing out.
​
Now I'm banned from the gym, even though I was working out quietly like any normal human being. WTF?! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 33,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 33
} | WRONG |
D0YHMjUgDUfQnNUC810hlSUOsEi6YZOO | anji0x | {
"description": "wanting to Hangout with my best friend's Ex Boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Wanting to Hangout With My Best Friend’s Ex Boyfriend? | Now before y’all jump to assumptions, I’m a lesbian. So I’m in no way trying to hook up with her ex.
This is my first year at my new highschool. Prior to dating, both of them were in my classes but we never really talked. My best friend (who I’ll call Amanda) complimented me a lot in the beginning of the year. I later found out that this was because she wanted to be my friend but had no idea how to approach me. Amanda is a huge gossiper. She’s the classic popular girl with a shit ton of friends, boyfriends, and followers. Personally, I don’t have that many friends. Not because I’m not a chill person, it’s just that I’m very selective about who I befriend. I know a lot of people and of course I’m all friendly with them, but I don’t actually consider them friends. Amanda considers EVERYONE friends. This leads to her getting hurt a lot and me having to console her during study hall. And trust me I have no problem with that. I’m the therapist for basically everyone I know. So I sit and listen and give her advice on how to deal with her problems. Honestly, that’s basically what our relationship is built on. Problem solving.
Now her ex (who I’ll call Ryan), didn’t start talking to me until around September when he was integrated into our friend group. I first met Ryan in one of our shared classes: human history. Now I won’t lie. I know I’m pretty. A lot of my friends are good looking. The school I grew up going to was chuck full of gorgeous people. But Ryan was on a whole other level. I first thought that he was some big football jock douchebag who only motive was to fuck every hot girl he could get his hands on. So it was to my surprise when I later found out that he was a MASSIVE nerd. Like yeah he was a natural at all sports and built like a hollywood teen actor, but he also enjoyed video games, science fiction, philosophy, and other classic nerd things. We can go from wrestling each other in gym to debating the origin of the universe in five seconds flat.
I never really got close to Amanda until December. Ryan joined our group in September so I’ve know him for longer. They started dating in the beginning of January and seemed to be doing well until the end of the month when Ryan broke it off. Amanda approached me about her relationship problems prior to this, and asked me to talk to him for her instead of actually communicating with her boyfriend. So I did. And I wish I hadn’t because Amanda really needs to learn that communication is the key to all relationships. More than half of her past breakups were caused by neither party verbally communicating. But anyway, I talked to Ryan and later that day he broke up with Amanda. Apparently he never liked her in the first place and was emotionally confused. He said that he just wasn’t really the dating type.
Amanda was devastated and called me that night ranting about Ryan saying how much of a pretty boy asshole he was and how they never should’ve dated in the first place. Ryan was pretty unfazed by the whole thing the day after and still is a week later. We still constantly talk at school and through text with our friends and have been getting along fine despite me being best friends with his ex. Amanda, on the other hand, has been asking me to play little pranks on him to make his day a living hell to get revenge for her. Of course I haven’t done any of the things she’s asked, despite roughing him up a bit. But we always do that. We’re both wrestlers. He plays and I come from a famous wrestling family. So fighting is completely normal for us. Despite this, we’ve never really hung out outside of school since my schedule is completely crazy due to the farm where I work lying outside of state.
Earlier today I got a text from him asking to hang out after I told him that my weekend off was coming up. He knows I’m a lesbian and we joke about it a lot so I know that there’s no hidden meaning behind it, but in light of recent events I don’t know if it would be the best call. But I got so excited that we were actually gonna be able to hangout in the first time in forever that I immediately said yes. I haven’t told Amanda and I don’t know if I even should as it may drive a rift between our relationship. Should I cancel our hangout? Should I hang out with him anyway because he’s my close friend? Am I an asshole for wanting to hangout with my best friend’s ex boyfriend? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
90WWXTIUcVoCzukgMQ68qBMNKSC51tZs | b2dmkx | {
"description": "favoring one sister over the other",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for favoring one sister over the other? | Molly (21) and I (23) have never really gotten along, even as kids. As an adult, she's just kinda an entitled brat. Molly gets upset when the tiniest of things aren't exactly how she likes it. Like, she pitched such a fit about the tiniest of hard water spots on glasses at one point that my parents just switched to using plastic cups to avoid her rejecting 10 glasses before finding one she deemed acceptable. She is the type of person who has literally told me she is better than me because she doesn't curse. Not implied, no. She explicitly told me that she is a better person because I say "fuck". She has also said things like I don't deserve my (now-)husband, I don't deserve to be happy, etc. My husband and I also have established that when we have children, she will not be allowed alone with them due to her tendency to hit first and ask questions later with brother's kids. She has a wild temper and will fly off the handle rather easily. Generally, she is the type of person who, if she were a friend rather than my sister, I would have cut from my life completely.
Leah (18) and I get along really well. I love to spend time with her, talk to her, etc. Our relationship is good and we have a lot of the same problems with Molly, only I don't bother hiding it from our parents at all anymore.
Now our mother has gotten involved, saying it hurts Molly's feelings how I treat my sisters unequally. Examples of things our mother has a problem with:
1) Leah was a bridesmaid in my wedding. Because of her comments about my relationship with my husband, I absolutely refused to have Molly in my bridal party.
2) I promised Leah a few years ago that I'd buy her a tattoo for her 18th birthday. I was planning to get her a little $100-200 tattoo. Then just before her birthday, our Grandfather died. Leah and Grandfather were very close. Tattoo got put off for a bit, then I decided to call it both her birthday and Christmas, so she could get a more expensive memorial tattoo. So my husband and I paid $500 to get Leah this tattoo. Normally we wouldn't have gone with such an expensive gift, but I thought it would be a good way for her to cope, and it has been. (For reference, Christmas gift for Molly was worth about $50, which is the high end of what we do for gifts usually.)
3) We received a $100 gift card to Total Wine as a wedding gift. I brought it up to sister joking about how I didn't know what to do with it because my husband and I don't really drink. Her suggestion was "Give it to me." Apparently, when I laughed and said no because she was underage at the time and "Nobody needs that much alcohol." This got twisted into Molly apparently thinking I said she isn't worth that much.
Other than that, I just don't talk to Molly much. I avoid her because it often just starts an argument to talk to her. But I avoid most of my family because growing up with my parents wasn't easy and they are a real drain on my mental health.
So, Am I The Asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
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} | RIGHT |
VUD6ZQX2qNCHFhjz9k9suQteR58pvx6k | ak0dug | {
"description": "leaving the dinner table early",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving the dinner table early? | So I finish dinner and my parents asks me to stay. They say I should respect everyone at the table so even when ur done, you have to stay. I mean, I don’t really talk much at dinner so as my family. I try to explain to them that I’ve got more important stuff to do like homework, etc. My brother agrees but AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
pZORG277DoR9JLCrTZBGJhEA3Hw6Hdgt | af5cqc | {
"description": "being mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being mad at my friend? | A few months ago, when I started highschool I dated this girl (I'm gonna call her S) for a few months. In that time, I learned some very private information about her. Flash forward two months and I started getting close with a friend (she is A) and told her some of that information. After a while, S found out and I felt really bad. Just to be clear I accept full responsibility for talking about her private information to someone else, I was a huge dick and I realize that. At the same time, I look back at those texts from not too long ago ( about two weeks ago) and I feel like another person wrote them, not physically like I know I wrote them but it just doesn't sound like me and I respect S too much to do that.
Then I hear from past friends of A that she manipulated them and ruined their relationships with other people. I start think about what happened right after the break up and I remember A being really close with me and being very touchy, nothing gross, just physical contact. At this point I feel like she manipulated me in some way. I start to look at her behaviors more and other things start showing up, like how she refused to take responsibility in any situation and other things like that.
After a few days of looking at her behaviors, I decide to confront A about it, I get mad and say that our friendship is over bc I feel like she manipulated me. Later that day o found out that she cried during lunch. Now I feel like I'm scapegoating her but at the same time she could just be trying to manipulate me and make other people pity her so they'll side with her and I'll be alone.
Sorry if the whole story was a bit confusing, been lurking on Reddit for a while but haven't posted much. Some information I just wanted to make clear is that I will not disclose the information on S for obvious reasons and that I am 14 and a guy | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
KLHwlm7ZuzabNZlLY4VQ74jtuwSrq9Tm | afb2zn | null | AITA? Apparently being a teenager is bad | So theres been some conflict between me and my parents, and im scared that i might be wrong
Theres been several incidents, but this one happened recently: so we sat down to eat and they pulled up a bad job application for someone who applied at their work, and started saying all kinds of stuff about how millenials are lazy unproductive and entitled, and they asked what i thought on the matter and i said something along the lines of "yeah i agree with you but its not everyone just a few" and they started saying stuff like "youre no different you do that kind of stuff all the time, you always have your f###ing head in the clouds, etc..." and just kind of went off at me with no evidence to support their claims.
They also enforce the fact that everything they say is right
I dont know what to do with myself now, i just want to know if im right or wrong so i can hopefully change if i need to.
(Soz for lack of punctuation) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZTPKi3QQNatJ8xRFZhiOzTZ0I2HSghWP | aywfr2 | {
"description": "embarrassing my classmate during a presentation wich resulted in him being suspended from our school",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA I embarrassed my classmate during a presentation wich resulted in him being suspended from our school. | In my school we were going to do a presentation about English grammar and it's meaning etc. They selected groups of two randomly so you could come with anyone in the class. I have very good grades in English but unfortunately i was selected to be with one of the worst students in the class (let's call him Chad). Chad didn't want to do any work and just played games during the lessons when we were supposed to be working. This was fine since i'm pretty bad at working in a group and i like to do my works solo. But when i got done with the entire presentation and started to memorize it Chad got up and started talking to the substitute teacher. I couldn't hear what he said to her but after he was done talking to her she said that she would talk to my real English teacher about my behaviour. I asked her what i had done wrong and she said this ''if all you want to do during the lesson is to watch videos and not help your group you can get out of my classroom''. I got so shocked by this i didn't even know what to say, i got angry and confused at the same time and when i tried to explain that i had actually been working this whole lesson she said ''prove it''. Then i proceeded to show her the edit history in the document. To my surprise Chad had edited my entire presentation and deleted all the previous saves in the document so it would seem like he had done all the work. By this time i knew the teacher wasn't going to believe me so i kept quiet the rest of the lesson and planned my revenge. I re did the whole presentation since he kicked me out of the old one and memorized it and everything. The next week came and we were preparing for the next period which were gonna be the presentation. Then Chad went to the bathroom and left his computer wide open for anyone to do something to his precious presentation that I wrote. I copy pasted a lot of fucked up porn into his document which the presentation text was in. I made it so all photos would appear when you press start on the powerpoint document but invisible if you didn't start it. So the next period came and it was Chads' turn to do his presentation. Right when he started the powerpoint all that could be seen was that porn i had put in, and when i say fucked up porn i really mean it. Everyone started laughing and the teacher's face was red as a tomato. He got suspended for a week and after that everyone judged him because of that incident. After all this i felt kind of bad and i think i went a little too overboard. So guys what do you think am i the asshole or was this justified? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
WmZsy63ak0WNPj3OTv87l5raCdh3VtCI | b5tl5r | {
"description": "sending my group a fake report",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for sending my group a fake report | This was a few years ago.
I signed up to take an ethics class to satisfying an elective for my major, but this particular class was a requirement for students in the field it covered. I was one of a few students in the class without any sort of background info for that field, so I went into feeling unprepared (I should have signed up for a different class, I know).
In the second or third week of class we were assigned a group project. There were 2 other people in my group, and they both happened to be foreign students, but had been studying that field for the past couple of years. When we met up and talked about how we would divide the work, we agreed to do equal research, but the two of them would present more than I would to the class, and I would do final write up of the paper because I was more confident in my writing. We figured since they've been studying that field for longer they'd be able to answer questions better than I would, and that I should write the final version of the paper because they weren't confident in their written English skills.
Outside of the project I was really struggling in my other classes/with mental health issues. The school counselor suggested I medically withdraw because of my mental health issues. While that was all happening I tried reaching out to my group to see how their research was coming along and what the plan would be for our presentation, but they didn't answer me or provide me with any of their own research or anything for our presentation ever.
Out of spite I didn't tell them I was dropping. I figured if they didn't want to put in any effort for a project that mattered to them, why should I if I was just dropping the course anyway. I submitted paperwork to withdraw from school without telling them. The presentation still wasn't due for a couple of weeks at that point. After I submitted my withdrawal paperwork I didn't contact them again, or attend any more classes. They never contacted me until the morning the assignment was due. One of them sent me a text asking to email them both the paper so they could prepare for the presentation later that day.
I told him was no problem, and emailed him a PDF I found online, where someone replaced every word in a 3 page report with the word chicken. There were graphs and foot notes and things so at first glance it looked real.
When they got it they flipped out and blew up my phone. I told them that was the presentation I wanted to submit then ignored them. The professor sent me an email later telling me what an awful thing I had done and was going to fail me. I told her I'd already withdrawn, and that it wasn't only my responsibility to make sure that the assignment was completed. I pointed out that I hadn't been to any classes in over two weeks and that at no point had my group contributed any work anyway.
I'm curious what my judgement is. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
Np6QS9cLEuAxof4w1HvgV9WIiENsrZE2 | azwxi7 | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend Im not interested in our relationship because of lack of sex",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend im not interested in our relationship because of lack of sex? | Long story short we are in a relationship for 2 years and we didn't have sex even once. We tried multiple times obviously but it's impossible. She feels enormous amount of pain when we try to do it (im her first boyfriend). We talked about it many many times, she said she's about to do something with it, like go to gynecologist etc etc. Well nothing happend to this day and I think I just grow tired of it..
Also. Just to mention we are in a long distance relationship and we meet like once a 2-3 months for a week or more. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
3Jgu9un1AISlaPK5XDTgqB2jnQf0xh72 | b7srl4 | {
"description": "wanting to turn down a full ride to go to Stanford",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to turn down a full ride to go to Stanford? | So, the two notable things about me is 1) I'm good at baseball and 2) I'm good at programming. My goal in life is to be a Silicon Valley entrepreneur. And of course, Stanford is like Ground Zero of all that: the location (in California), the CS program, the connections, the weather, all great. So of course it's my dream school.
So, as a senior in high school, I'm facing college decisions and they need to be done as soon as possible. I got into stanford, and was recruited for baseball, but standord doesn't give scholarships. My family's too rich for financial aid but too poor not to be affected by Stanford's fees. They want me to go to the local state school, where I get a full ride for baseball. I don't want to, and they're calling me selfish | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5e9lV1UHiEcOjKSS6sJKRS2vUkC4xlwW | 9xtq7r | {
"description": "not wanting to visit my crazy aunt on thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to visit my crazy aunt on thanksgiving? | The rest of my family wants to go visit her in the hospital (she lost some toes because she refused to go to the doctor (she didn't trust him, wanted herbal medicine instead) for an infection.) I really dont want to listen to her ramble about pseudoscience, her complaining in nicegirl fashion about her exes, her yelling about her bosses, etc. I just want a normal thanksgiving with my normal family. Am i the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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