id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
LW040ngqw1COCVy8ok5xC9BSyQf3Oxjx | b4viaf | {
"description": "calling out my dad",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling out my dad? | Some back story. My parents got divorced when I was 7 or 8 and my brother was 6 (I'm 26 now). I dont harbor any anger for that as shit happens and you aren't always as compatible with someone as you think you are. When I was like 16 or so, I got Leukemia. It was pretty minor as far as cancer goes, but it was still hard in my brother. At this point my dad has remarried to some troll from Ohio. Again, whatever. Here's mybissue with the man. Never once did he visit his oldest son in the hospital, he called my brother maybe twice over the whole ordeal. I decided at that point just fuck it and fuck him. Fast forward to October of 2018. My mother passed away due to complications. My dad sends me a friend request on Facebook like 2 weeks after. I accept because I figure my mom would want me to at least attempt to patch things up with him. A week after that I call him out. My exact words were "Why did you even bother sending me a friend request if you still aren't going to talk to me?" It has been several months since then and I still havent heard from him. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aDvX7BQvBK6r8BcnY5QFIIHow73QH43M | an83br | {
"description": "having sex",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for having sex? | So my gf shares one wall at her apartment complex, she has some issues with expressing herself and she finally started to open up and make noise during sex! It was fucking great until the neighbor started banging on the wall everytime embarassing her greatly. We are not very loud at all, this is not a case of screaming, this is a case of thin walls. We had sex yesterday at around 6 pm and came home to find this note. https://imgur.com/gallery/MDWBDsV
We get up at 5 am as well (shes a nurse, i have a store to open) and I am honestly pissed. I feel that our right to have sex how we want is as important as somebodies right to sleep. If they didnt want to deal with hearing people fuck, they shouldn't have moved into an old apartment building with thin walls. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VC2PuTbUtqw6f5LpH7r1zIxFM2t42U6m | a8su9o | {
"description": "wanting support from my ex after my miscarriage",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting support from my ex after my miscarriage? | My ex and I dated for a year after being best friends for several, I had a miscarriage and it has been really hard for me (19). And I know it must be hard for him (20) too. He broke up with me less than two weeks after we found out about the miscarriage and at first would not tell me why. I ended up having to go to the hospital due to ptsd symptoms and when I got out I needed him as my best friend. He won’t even talk to me which is really hard, because I really feel like I need his support as I am going through this. Am I the asshole for wanting the support of the man who, the day he broke up with me told me how much he loved me and said he would support me through all of this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
idY0A6o5gqDrOxitWQZVWbjPBOx55xkH | ab4s08 | {
"description": "ending a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ending a friendship? | A few months ago, I got myself out of a toxic friendship. They made me feel insecure, and like I had no one else. They’d accuse me of being a bad friend for every little thing I did “wrong”, such as talking to one of my other friends instead of them when they were in the same room. I also didn’t wave enthusiastically enough apparently, which isn’t true, because I smiled and waved whenever I passed them in the hallway. They also talked crap about all their friends behind their backs, so it was pretty much guaranteed that they did the same to me, and that’s not something I want to have to worry about. But anyway, I basically sent a bitchy text telling them I didn’t want to be friends, and that started a huge fight. And yes, I know that that was a horrible way to deal with it, but I lost half of my friends to them because now apparently I’m a fake, attention-seeking hoe, but AITA for getting out of that relationship? Because lots of people have been making me feel like one | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QkjGRfXZfW5R2SakkvQYr0n0sQ7sr7mh | ambp42 | {
"description": "this upcoming argument with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for this upcoming argument with my gf? | So I got off work today and drove 6 hours to visit my gf. She knew I was coming and said she'll leave a key under the mat just in case she falls asleep (I'm 1 hour away when she tells me this). I get there the door is locked and no key. I knock like crazy even making one of neighbors come outside. She's a heavy sleeper so I figured f\*\*\* it. I'm not waiting in my car for hours until she wakes up, so I'll just get a cheap hotel for the night.
​
Sure enough, she calls me 2 hours after I check in & I can hear she's mad when I tell her I'm at a hotel and not coming there (20 mins away) tonight. I'm in the bed, somewhat unpacked and tired af. I can already sense a fight coming from this like "You stayed at the hotel after I woke up and called you to come".
​
I'm not worried about it because my case was she was sleep in the first place and didn't leave the key. This is my first time seeing this sub and just curious to see who you think TA is in this arc of a story. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
A2ElfHBf63BY7KihtoeWCALPmEGkle0X | aa1xt3 | {
"description": "allowing my friend to throw himself under the bus for me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for allowing my friend to throw himself under the bus for me | My friend and I bought a vape to quit smoking and we were caught with it at school and he took the blame for it so I could walk away free. Aita for allowing him to do so. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jU0OdRZugTMvbjw3L6UfdZaZXJCf6TP6 | av0prm | {
"description": "being frustrated at my boyfriend's work schedule",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being frustrated at my boyfriend's work schedule? | So my (25m) boyfriend (30m) and I both work retail jobs. I'm an assistant department manager and he's a customer service manager.
I knew getting into the relationship with him that he enjoys and takes pride in his hard work. When I met him we were at the same store and he was regularly putting 10+ hour days often 7 days a week into his department to ensure it ran smoothly as he had many call outs and no call/no shows. I do genuinely admire his work ethic and commitment.
Now -- I don't really have an option to change my schedule and since I'm one of the few people willing to work early shifts, four out of seven days of the week I work a 4 am shift, meaning I have to wake up at 3 am. My fifth shift is a closing shift from 11:30 am to 8 pm. And I always have the same two days off a week -- my schedule is very regular and predictable.
My boyfriend, however, schedules his own department and regularly schedules himself as closing shifts. I've asked him before to please try to schedule himself one midday shift a week and at least every other week have one same day off with me so we can spend more time together. I don't feel like this is an unreasonable request. But even when he does schedule himself a midday shift, he'll inevitably end up staying late (like this week, he scheduled himself until 4 pm for his midday, and stayed until 9 pm).
I try to stay up late on his closing days (usually sometime between 8 PM to 11 PM) to at least spend an hour or two with him before I inevitably pass out from tiredness (between work, tidying the house, cooking dinner). He frequently ribs me on this and says if I just stayed up we could spend more time together and that I missed whatever movie or TV show we were watching because I fell asleep -- but I've been up since 3 am and have difficulty taking naps try as I might. It's impacted our sex life because I'm awake too early for morning sex, he doesn't want to have sex after he gets home from work, and if I've fallen asleep during a movie/show he doesn't want to have sex with me either because he says I'm too tired (even if I've woken back up to go to bed properly).
AITA for wishing he would just put his foot down and come home when he's scheduled on his midday shifts? I've talked to him about this multiple times and feel frustrated. I really love this guy and really enjoy the time we do spend together, but I feel like most of the week I'm left lonely. I just want to make a compromise that works for us because I don't want to break up over a simple schedule mismatch.
(He's an hourly manager, not salary, so it's not like he's really required to stay, no other managers at his store do this. He's just gaining a lot of overtime.) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ITiUaswZEHPrY4NuoAg1moXsHUiabDhJ | a5e7g2 | {
"description": "wanting to kick out my step-son",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For wanting to kick out my step-son? | Just curious if I'm the asshole here or not.
Sorry for any formatting issues, I'm on mobile.
Little back story on this as follows.
My step son (22) can not and will not hold a job to provide extra income for the household when he easily eats $100 in groceries per week, has a cell phone on our plan, as well as an Xbox One and Xbox Live. (He pays for the gaming stuff himself but when he gets a job he works 1-2 weeks and quits.)
I've been telling my wife for the last year or two years that I am getting sick of supporting him and he needs to move out as he is literally bleeding us dry financially and mentally.
I've had enough of it myself and finally told him he has until the end of the month to find a job and if he quits it with in 3 months his stuff will be on the lawn and he will need to find some where else to live.
AITA for this?
TLDR; step son refuses to work and keep a job and we can't mentally or physically afford to support him any longer, want to kick him out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
rr7Eus83s5Ybzekb5kC93A4wtUrtAf7t | ay3gfn | {
"description": "not being able to find my my ride on time, making my driver late for lunch plans he had for a friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not being able to find my my ride on time, making my driver late for lunch plans he had for a friend. | Im not sure why but this bugs me. This happened about a week ago, and I got out of school early. Usually I hitch a ride with one of my friend's parents, I'll call him John. But since my school got out 2 hours earlier than normal, John's grandparents were supposed to pick us up. I had no idea who was coming, what car or where they were picking me up, and my questioning with John's mom didn't help as she didn't know either. Flashforward to after school and I'm walking around for a while, only knowing that my ride will.most likely be a white truck. After about 20 minutes of looking I get a call from John and he tells me where they are. I get into their gray suv and learn that John's grandparents are now late for lunch and they have to reschedule. AITA, I feel like I could've made a better effort, but I had little intel as to who was picking me up and where. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XOLcYM6URhD5CtofDNTiCrUeTnxQcuKX | atar77 | {
"description": "making my new manager feel attacked over a label I made",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for making my new manager feel attacked over a label I made? |
I work at a small cafe downtown where I live, I've been there for almost 2 years now and we've been cruising without a manager / assistant manager for a few months since the last one took another job.
At the beginning of this week we got a new assistant manager, and it's been a rough few days because of it. Day one of this person working at our cafe, she rearranged our bar, restocked things like cups and lids etc. in different / seemingly random locations. She's marked up our task lists and changed which roles are responsible for which tasks at any given time during the day. For example, she changed the stock closer from being responsible for cleaning the front drains later in the evening to our morning bar person (me most days). So at some point during my morning shift, I now have to get on my hands and knees to clean out the drain under the bar in between making drinks which just seems like a bad idea to me.
Also, in the three days she's been here, she's picked out some sort of issue she has with every one of my coworkers and has been very rude to them about what she wants them to do about it. I'll use what she confronted me about as an example. Usually in the early mornings we aren't very busy. There are a few regulars that come in early thatI'll chat with while I make their drink, and if they're having a slow morning I'll continue a conversation while I wait for another order to come my way. She saw me talking to a regular and decided I was slacking, walks up to me and asks if I need help reading my task list she made. She's since talked with my coworkers about how I don't do my job and am lazy, somehow thinking I wouldn't hear about it from them.
Then on Wednesday I come in to see that the whole cafe has been inundated with post-its and label maker labels on the registers, my drink order screen behind the bar, on the inside of the doors leading to the back room, everywhere. They all say something along the lines of "don't forget the thank the customer!" Or "smile and greet the customer as soon as they walk in!", "Use their name and smile when calling out an order!", Etc. The usual corporate / customer service stuff.
I wasn't really upset at her putting all of them up, but I thought it was pretty over the top and honestly kind of funny. So this morning I used the label maker to put one up on my order screen that says "OBEY". I've been off for a few hours now and one of my friends / coworkers is texting me saying how she saw it and started to cry and complain that we all hate her and are attacking her for trying to do her job.
I wasn't even directing the label I made at her, I just thought it was silly and everyone might have a laugh about it. But even though she's been pretty abrasive her first few days here, I feel bad for making her so upset that she was crying at work over it.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
AVfoN0gIslg5tEkAF6hFRbT9C7Onat93 | am4cjk | {
"description": "telling him it's not his baby",
"pronormative_score": 74,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | WIBTA If I tell him it's not his baby? | Alright, I'll try to keep this short, but it's a very convoluted story, just to clarify I AM NOT THE ONE PREGNANT and I am a witness in all of this, hence the question.
Also on mobile so excuse the format
My friend (23F) is a very intelligent and beautiful woman. That being said she is also spoiled rotten and very VERY sheltered in many aspects, primarily romantic relationships.
As of last year she broke up with her ex because she found solid evidence of his infidelity, and has been in the dumps since. In September she began talking with Tee (25M) who is currently working in an engineering field in Florida (we are in Oregon, this is important) and he has a very rigorous schedule that prevents him from being in contact 24/7
She comes to me often enough for relationship advice that I know she has been handling it poorly; throwing tantrums about his schedule, ignoring him when she's mad, the works. From what I've taken in he is truly a kindhearted boy who seems to be smitten with her, flaws and all, so much so that he flew her out, all expenses paid, to spend a week together and see if this could become a relationship.
Long story short, she pulled her princess attitude over there and came back with no boyfriend, however they are still talking to see if it can still work out. So now, here we are, 3 weeks later and she drops it on me: her doctor told her she's pregnant. 3 months pregnant. She fessed up that even though she dumped him and "knows it's wrong" she slept with her ex out of spite because Tee was unable to respond for 2 days due to a work emergency. In her mind "it's not cheating if he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend". Quite frankly, I was floored by all of this.
She wants to keep it. And while I understand that it is her decision, she has confessed she intends to tell Tee and see if he will take responsibility for "his child" (yes they had intercourse during her visit) and her.
So here lies the question.
As of right now I am the only person who knows of the pregnancy, and this morning she told me that she already announced it to Tee.
Would I be the asshole if I contacted him to tell him it's not his?
I know I'm just a bystander and by all means it's none of my damn business, but I wouldn't let anyone do that to any of my friends or family and I don't see why I should let her dump this innocent child( who she admits is NOT his) on an innocent and kind man who knows nothing about the situation. I am open to criticism, please help | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 74,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 74,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
qy7CjV4RoYqiVCqO81Cz80genXbUnjbr | a05mib | null | AITA My moms reactions to my dating preference | - I'm a 30 y/o single white dude from Ohio, now living in Chicago.
- My family is wealthy for the area where I grew up, and I have never dated a white woman because I haven't met any that have really clicked.
YEARS ago, after a 4 year relationship ended she said
> You shouldn't date black women.
- Whenever I've dated SPECIFICALLY black or bi-racially black women, she gets.... weird... She's always been nice and polite to whoever i've brought home, but she's said stuff to me privately like
> You need to make sure you're dating people you fit in culturally with.
What she *MEANS* is that she married (and divorced) my dad, who is a farmer, and she was a 'city girl' (think "uptown girl")... And that didn't work out well for them.
We just had an argument because she said something along the lines of
> "you shouldn't date black women because of the cultural divide"
And I was like...
"dude. I understand what you're trying to mean, but you really need to work on your phrasing. The black aspect has nothing to do with what you're trying to say. Stick to the uptown girl vs farmer bro analogy. "
It got heated after that because then she said I was calling her a racist, which I wasn't,
and now I'm in this weird state of limbo where
- shes mad at me because she thinks I label her as *A* racist and *A* bigot, when all I actually said is
>"When you say stuff LIKE that, you SOUND racist, and when you THINK stuff like that and don't like... examine it, you're thinking LAZILY."
- And I'm mad at her because who wants to hear their parents say dumb shit about the people they date. Except I'm 30 and not 16
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
wcMrEC9ESMUBlC0BPL43e34dyVzcPSQH | avpruz | {
"description": "not giving away my concert ticket",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for not giving away my concert ticket? | About a month ago, our school student activities board held a small trivia night for teams of six. The prize for the winning team was a set of six free tickets to a local orchestra concert. I was invited to fill in on a team of six really close friends (all of whom I am also friends with) when one of them was sick and couldn't make it to the event.
Lo and behold, we end up winning the tickets and the orchestra is tonight. I really want to go but I get the feeling they may want me to offer the ticket to their friend who coudn't make it, as I essentially took his spot. Again, I really want to go, but I didn't really contribute to the success of the team in any meaningful way and I don't want them to dislike me in the future for not giving up the spot. As far as purchasing an extra ticket, we're all college students and none of us can afford one. (Should I maybe split the cost with him?) | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EsttmxdPWMMr0kiYUQlkzP5sJsrINOpi | b3blri | {
"description": "wanting to abort my late husband's baby",
"pronormative_score": 361,
"contranormative_score": 62
} | AITA for wanting to abort my late husband's baby? | My husband died a week ago and I'm 13 weeks pregnant. My in-laws know and they want me to keep the baby so there's a piece of him alive. When I mentioned I might get an abortion they flipped out on me, called me every name in the book and selfish, at which point I broke down in tears and left.
I don't know what to do. On one hand I can understand what they mean, if I abort there's nothing of my husband left. But I just... Don't know. I can end this chapter of my life and move on. I don't know what to do. I know a lot of you are thinking it's amazing I'm pregnant and I can always have a piece of him through my baby but that's the thing, I can't decide if I want that or not. I've never been more conflicted in my life and I have to stop thinking about it so I don't miscarry from the stress. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 61,
"OTHER": 240,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 121,
"INFO": 8
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 361,
"WRONG": 62
} | RIGHT |
b0ZuuvB27Uzlyuo2cc55uTsxRVtSbnB0 | 9xgb0k | {
"description": "hitting my friend with a soda can",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hitting my friend with a soda can | Long text. Sorry for spelling
I was sitting in my school lunchroom when I feel something hit my back, it was a plastic spoon. I look behind me and I see some classmates that I never really talked to and to the right of the table was my friend. Immediately in my mind I go "ohh he's ducking with me" it seemed like the kind of thing this guy would usually do, and he was looking away which I assumed was because he was trying to pretend he was innocent. I ask him, "are you throwing shit?" At first he goes "what are you talking about? No" I immediately thought he was lying to me but I wasn't sure. I was certain he threw it when he said "yeah I'm throwing shit" which (spoilers) it wasn't him.
Anyways, a while later I get hit with a sad can which has a little soda in it. I look to my friend and he's laughing and looking away. Assuming it was him, I threw it at him. I don't think it's relevant the events between there and about a minute later, but I got slapped.
I didn't cry or rat on him but ngl I was really upset. Opinions among my classmates varies. Friend A thinks that he 100% threw the can and me throwing it at him was justified. Friend B (who sat with the friend that slapped me) says he 100% did not throw the can. He has no reason to lie to me but I mean who else could it have been? I didn't see anyone behind me exempt for my classmates and I didn't see anybody walk by.
When he got pissed I apologized (friend B criticized that my apology wasn't genuine because while I apologized, I immediately asked if he threw the can, which was 100% true) and I worked it out with the other guy but it still bothers me. I didn't throw the can out of anger but because I thought he was messing with me, you know, just friendly teasing.
My question to you is
Was I the adshole for throwing the can?
Who do you think threw the can?
I'm sorry if I missed any important details. If you want me to clarify something just tell me. Not trying to hide anything.
This is my defense- I had signs that he threw the can, he was my friend after all, he said he threw it (which he probably just said to mess with me but at the time I didn't think so). I didn't mean to aggrivate him by throwing it at him. I think he overreacted but I apologized. Looking back I could have apologized better. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6SVACw1ahthbPZCljjIYxpk63fASN4wJ | am8p5f | {
"description": "telling a black woman that she's the first person of color my daughter has met",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling a black woman that she's the first person of color my daughter has met? | So I'm fairly socially inept and I have no issue with anyone based on the color of their skin. I'm white as can be.
This happened awhile ago, but I was only recently made aware of the fallout of this interaction.
My SO (now ex), me, and our (at the time) 17mo daughter were invited to dinner with one of his friends and his buddy's wife. The wife is black. We went to their house and had a nice, if slightly awkward, dinner and throughout our visit my daughter was absolutely infatuated with his wife. She made a comment about my daughter being so interested in her and by way of explaining I told her she's the first "Person of color" my daughter's ever met. That was the only comment related to her race I made all night, it wasn't a big deal to me, and I didn't think anything of the comment. If it was racially insensitive I wasn't aware and I'd like to apologize. I was informed (about 3 months after the fact) that we were no longer welcome in their house, because his wife thinks I'm racist and that I don't like her because of the color of her skin.
Should I apologize? And if so, how? Im not sure it even matters anymore since I have no relationship with these people outside of my (now defunct) relationship with my ex. I feel like if I made some big social gaffe I should at least try to apologize. I don't like the idea that I made someone feel bad about their race. So AITA? And if I am how do I make it right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
cnzoyRpt83hBTkKOv5ldmKabJZDvZ9ZN | awmrxg | null | WIBTA My dilemma with my ex. | Okay so here's the story, I used to date this girl, let's call her Kate. Now, I got with Kate about a month before summer started up, and since we're in high-school we wouldn't see each other for a few months. I though,"Oh well, we can still FaceTime and stuff". Oh, but little did I know just how *much* we would FaceTime. She called or texted at least 10+ times a day, and every time she called she would just sort of keep me in the background and show me off to her friends while I just sat there. I saw this and viewed it as dysfunctional so one day I hit her with the "I just think we would be better as friends" (this was true, when she wasn't ignoring me she was still very nice, just not a good match for me). Eventually, that same summer she moved away. I thought that was the end of it. She'll find more friends and eventually date someone else. I was *pretty wrong*.
School starts and by now she tries to FaceTime me extremely often and texts me with stuff like "Are you dating anyone?", "Did I wake you?" and my personal favorite:"I miss talking to you". *She just won't stop.* I have been told by many friends to juts block her and be done with it due to how frequent it is, but I think that would be rude. At this point, however, it is an option. If I block her, am I the asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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awfEFdV2A4tKBNvQalelE0pJrUsL4szS | asguy5 | {
"description": "assuming a girl's costume based in part because of her race",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for assuming a girl’s costume based in part because of her race? | So this happened earlier in the year at Dragon-Con. I was just chilling on a hotel balcony with my brother drinking, laughing, and talking to nearby cosplayers
At one point, I went up to get a drink and noticed a petite Asian girl wearing a black tank top and sporting a bowl-type haircut with a blue streak through it. I told her I liked her hair and asked if she was Knives Chau from Scott Pilgrim. She immediately got defensive and angry with me saying things along the lines of “so I’m Asian, I have to be an Asian character?” I tried to backpedal a bit (definitely taken off guard by her tone) but I did say that I considered her race when I was trying to guess her costume, but really, it was the hair color/type that sealed the deal.
I finally managed to get her to tell me the right costume - Mako Mori from Pacific Rim. An Asian character with very similar hair to Knives. So my first instinct was to kind of laugh at the coincidence and point out the similarities and tell her she seemed to have overreacted. However, I cut my losses, said nice costume and skulked off.
So AITA for assuming her costume in part because of her race, and should she have gotten so angry even though it seemed (to me) a big coincidence and an entirely possible mistake? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
e65wgSjekAx3zHt6ko25oyAbKoItbhwY | ap0tfe | {
"description": "not dancing with her at the prom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not dancing with her at the prom? | Ok, Im not good at english (because im pinoy) also [M] as am typing right now. I feel tired, sad and emotionally unstable. Yesterday was gonna be my best night, saw my friends talking to each other at table 3 which is at the far right of the red carpet which connects to the stage. I saw her with her amazing black dress and and beautiful purse. Skip 2 hours later the teachers went to the stage to announce that its Romantic Dance time or something and everybody just started dancing with each other, I saw her with her phone so I had the opportunity to ask her. But, unexpectedly she told me that she was gonna dance with my older brother. I felt something inside that was like anger and sadness mashed together to make a disgusting hybrid emotion, I ran to the bathroom and just stayed there. After maybe 30-45 minutes, I came back and my classmates asked me where I was.
E is me and J is classmate M is my other classmate it's also translated so it wouldn't be accurate
J: Where were you? You look tired, and sweaty.
M:He was probably masturbating hahahahaha.
E: *About to break in tears* I had to wash my hands and I caught something that hit my eye I'm a retard lol.
After prom all my classmates where gone and it was just me and her and some other senior students, S is her.
S: Hey E why weren't we talking so much earlier?
E: Well it's just that I'm bored and sleepy hahahaha (it was 10:30)
S: Well I had fun tonight and it was nice seeing you!
It was my first prom and id never thought it'd be the worst. | HISTORICAL | {
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cCIRCFPPP3gj0t9GZw5nus9a2OXCPAod | b1ux84 | {
"description": "for feeling nothing even though one of my best friends could die any day",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For for feeling nothing even though one of my best friends could die any day? | So, I met my friend (I’ll call her Eli) through one of my classmates who said that we share a lot of interests (Anime, games, music, similar humour etc) and that we could get along well. I’m always up for new friends so I said i’d love to meet her. I meet Eli one day as she was waiting for my classmate outside school, we introduced ourselves but we had to leave shortly after.
So I manage to find her insta, we chat and have a great time. After probably a week I ask my best friend why Eli’s name sounded so familiar, because I think I heard something about her having an illness. Well it turns out that she had had leukemia for about 2 years (four years now) and that the prognosis wasn’t getting any better. I kinda went ”huh” and kept talking to Eli.
We kept chatting for about a year and we managed to meet a handful of times, and i slowly get to know more about her. So you might think it’s normal that i don’t feel much for a person i had talked to a few times, which i understand, but i have known her for almost 2 years and i absolutely adore her. I think about her often and the things she says can make me blush and giggle for an hour. She is the funniest person I know and I love her to bits but... even when she gets rushed to the ER because of a fever or when she gers a surprise operation, i feel nothing. I like her so much yet it feels like I would feel indifferent if she died or not, and now even when i consider her to be one of my best friends, when she says that her tumors 20+ are growing way to fast i feel.... empty.
Now these feelings don’t change the way I act around her, I support and reassure her when nobody else can and I treasure her so much. I make her laugh when she is terrified of her next surgery, and calm her down when she enters her depressive state. Even though the dark part of my brain says that I wouldn’t change even if the operation goes south.
So I need to ask, am I crazy? A bad friend? Or I guess most importantly, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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NxZFkKC2qswieCaXcdreFUc944ik3Cfp | b1udux | {
"description": "telling my mom to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for telling my mom to fuck off | I was at college and accidentally sent some packages home. My mom opened all of them and looked inside. Nothing to be to worried about inside, but I was pissed of that she would invade my privacy like that. I told her she shouldn't do that and she replied that she paid for my college so she's entitled to see how I'm spending my (MY) money. Got mad, cursed at her and walked away. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
3AUEkFpuTqvvHJgSpBWFTob8EFKUiW7S | at8i87 | {
"description": "sleeping with a friends old crush",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for sleeping with a friends old crush ? | This happened awhile ago but I want to know if I was in the wrong here. My best friend throughout college has had her fair share of long term relationships. While she was dating one of her boyfriends she would talk about a mutual friend of ours that she said was cute but couldn’t do much since she had a boyfriend. They broke up and she started talking with the mutual friend. He would ask her out she would turn him down and eventually she moved on and dated someone else. Outside of mentioning he was cute and they had talked but she turned him down I didn’t hear much more about him. Fast forward a couple months she’s single again and so am I. I go out with this mutual friend for New Years to drink and all night he’s touching me and hitting on me. We get back to his place and he keeps asking if we can have sex. I’m drunk and keep saying no and then change my mind. He asked if my best friend would care afterwards seeing how they talked. I told her immediately afterwards and apologized and she stopped talking to me but eventually came back and said she decided since I was just freshly single I get a pass but that I was an asshole for it. Since she had turned him down and she had dated other people i honestly didn’t see an issue since she had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him. Plus me and him had been drinking all night and he initiated it not me. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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X08MuAHwASSoLzH6Ymv4jaJLwHBbYsQ6 | aswtqv | {
"description": "going to my teacher's supervisor for an \"accident\"",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going to my teacher's supervisor for an "accident" | Hello, first post here
I'm currently a student (1st year going back into public school after being out due to PTSD) and I have severe PTSD. I tell all my teachers about my condition and the things that go with it, no loud noises/yelling, touching me, so on and so forth. I have a medical pass that means I leave all classes 3 minutes early and take a break/go out if i get nervous.
My ART 1 teacher recommended me into ART 2. I got in surprisingly the next week and things went good for abit. Then one day I asked "hey Mrs. ------- can I go trim my bowls I made in another class yesterday? Itll only take 5 minutes and they will get too dry if i don't do it soon". She (visibly annoyed) said "sure go ahead."
I trim my bowls in 3 minutes flat and go back to her classroom. I sit down, then a minute later I go back up and say "so sorry to bother you but what time do we leave?" and she yells "you're not being a very good student right now!" And other stuff I cant quite remember. I sit back down with an episode coming on and then get back up and say trying to keep my composure "I have to go I'll be back.." and she very loudly shouts "no sit back down!" I very shakily say "I have to I have a medical pass" while she then again shouts "let me see it then!" I rip it trying to get it out of my bag and shakily hand it to her, she reads it and says "fine. Go." as I run out of the room.
I run over to my ART 1 teacher's room while sobbing and he visibly concerned asks "what's wrong?" And I give the whole story to him sobbing. I go out of the room for a moment to get some water and the ART 2 teacher comes out and says "you cant just do that while I'm trying to teach. (She was sitting at her desk with a video playing)" says a bunch of other stuff that I cant quite remember too basically saying it was my fault. I just kept repeating "that is no excuse to yell at a student with a medical issue". She eventually begrudgingly says "im sorry." When I get back into the room says that I should write it down and go to my counselor but also to go to her supervisor. I go to my counselor and she calls the supervisor then I go down to her office. I recount it and give her the medical note saying I do indeed have a medical issue. She says she'll talk to the ART 2 teacher. I go back to the ART 1 teacher's room to calm down then eventually go to my next class.
[After classes] I was staying after classes in my ART 1 teacher's room when the supervisor comes in and asks to speak with me. I follow her into a room with my ART 1 teacher, her, and my ART 2 teacher. We talk and the ART 2 teacher basically says it was an accident, that she didnt know about my medical problem and it was my fault. No consequences given. I am upset.
There is another similar incident that is causing me to switch classes unfortunately.. after talking to a parent about the whole situation he too said it was my fault. | HISTORICAL | {
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phKai5mvFsY1wR9wfv6wUNsnJu7Aaqqb | b0fj65 | {
"description": "looking out for my customer and not playing dumb like my coworker",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for looking out for my customer and not playing dumb like my coworker | https://m.imgur.com/gallery/C4wSPJt
I’m a mechanic at an independent shop, and to keep this post from getting really long I’m gonna do my best to sum it up: 2 months ago I did 2 turbos on a 2011 Ford Flex, one of the new ones took a shit ever since, and now Ford is honoring their warranty on the turbo. The problem is, I’m positive this new turbo is going to meet the same fate as the last two (the new turbo from two months ago is linked in this post). I’ve found disintegrated aluminum from the turbo, mixed with engine oil, all throughout the intake piping leading into the engine, and I’m willing to bet the whole engine needs to be replaced because of it. My service writer, who has been ordering all the parts from Ford for me, didn’t mention anything to Ford or the customer about the proven evidence of aluminum contamination being fed into the engine. When Ford called today, my coworker was out to lunch so I spoke with them instead, mentioning the aluminum contamination in the intake and how I have reason to believe the engine and this new turbo will not last, based on my findings. Fast forward to when my coworker gets back from lunch, he lost his mind at me because now he thinks Ford won’t warranty this new turbo, and it’s all my fault. I’m just looking out for my customer, who is already upset with this whole situation, because if this new turbo ends up looking like the last one, everybody is going to be pissed off, Ford won’t warranty anymore turbos for this customer, the customer may need a new engine more than ever, and all of this could have been prevented if my service writer told Ford the truth from the beginning. Instead, he’s just turning a blind eye and hoping for the best, wasting time, money, resources, overall customer satisfaction, and trust, and I can’t get through to him that I believe he’s in the wrong here, not me. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 2,
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D9Ha4Pf4X6HKvqxaZa3HLLQNvqFDKEiq | b08nx8 | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend to shut up during sex",
"pronormative_score": 50,
"contranormative_score": 64
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend to shut up during sex? | So last week me (24M)and my girlfriend (22F) getting it on in the bedroom and it was great and all but... she would not just stop talking it really ruined the experience for me and eventually I asked her if she could be quiet and you know what happened? She literally got off top, put on her clothes and left. She texted me the next day saying that I should be willing to listen to her no matter what situation were in. I feel kind of bad and maybe I should of said something else or maybe even listened but idk what do you guys think AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 39,
"OTHER": 44,
"EVERYBODY": 25,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 9
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 50,
"WRONG": 64
} | WRONG |
NAa9cWez1pmW3DFh4AyhXU0ZoQqHKs0b | ampcqt | {
"description": "being mad my dad doesn't want to be in my son I didn't tell him abouts life",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being mad my dad doesn't want to be in my son I didn't tell him abouts life | So I am 20 and my 18 yo gf of over a year ended up pregnant. In our defence the condom broke and she was on the pill so we were like no big deal. Oops. About the time she got pregnant we broke up and I never told anyone she was pregnant. It was easy since she wasn't around so no one noticed her growing belly, and we agreed almost immediately that we would not be keeping him. She didn't want an abortion but we knew we weren't ready to take proper care of this baby so we went to an adoption agency. This made it even easier to not tell anyone since our son wouldn't be around anyway. So the months pass and there are complications resulting in an emergency c section a month early. Our son ends up in the nicu, and his mother spends a few days in the hospital. His new parents are there day of and everything seems like it's going to be ok. But in super stressed and tired of dealing with this alone so after a week or so I let my dad in on what's up. He freaks (understandably) but want a to see him. I drive us both to the hospital and explain that we are having an open adoption, which means we will still have regular contact and even visitation. He gets mad again, and refuses to come in and see him now. I visit him while my dad stays in the car, and then we go home. That night my parents and I have this big argument. They want to adopt him but I don't want them to. He has a family and in signing the last papers in a few days, they can still see him but if I wanted then to raise him I would have just kept him in the first place. They threaten to sue for parental rights under some obscure native American children's act and I have to contact a lawyer and threaten to deny paternity just to get them to stop. Mind you to this point neither of then have seen him. Neither has asked to see pictures. Neither has even asked his name. And now instead of helping me deal with this they are threatening legal action. I beg and plea with them to go see him before we gets out of the hospital but they won't. Finally, after 3 weeks of daily visits alone, he gets out and he's heading home with his family the next day. I make one last trip to say goodbye, begging my dad one last time to come with me, to be part of his life, to know his grandson who will actually be around a few times a year, to support me in maybe the hardest moment of my life, and he won't do it. So I go alone and I sob like a little kid because who wouldn't. It's been a few months and now I told him how much that hurt me and ask him again to maybe be in his life and he goes off on me like it's such a ridiculous request. Am I the asshole or is there blame to go around? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
o3HDIR15jNdW84PPCdVD2D6vMBQLAaqQ | b6r436 | {
"description": "getting a guy fired on his first week of work",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for getting a guy fired on his first week of work | This happened a few weeks ago but i just dont got the courage to post this, so this happened. I have been a saw operator and newly promoted station manager at this plant for 9 months now and soo far (as what the plant supervisors told me) I am their best worker yet. This newly hired guy was put into my station, as a new employee i showed him around and told him how things work in my station, since he was new and inexperienced, i totally understand how he makes mistakes on the first day at work. I showed him, demonstrated him a few times on how it should have done but yet he still makes the same mistakes. I kinda saw myself in him on my first week at this job; making minor mistakes and slow-pace work. The next day, he showed up late and again he isnt improving at all and still makes the same mistakes but as the station manager i have to get production numbers up and he is bringing the whole station down, I helped him that whole day. Third day, still no improvement, same mistakes, same results ended up helping him again the whole day. Fourth day, the plant supervisors came up to me and asked why our production numbers have been low and I told them it's because of the new guy. He keeps making the same mistakes and i see no room of improvement. The last day of the week came and I didnt see him anymore, at the end of the day the plant supervisors told me that they fired him.
​
Things around the plant has been kinda off, i hear my coworkers talking behind my back on how i was 'too much' for him and how i didnt give him enough time to improve and i wasn't patient enough, and how my promotion got the best of me. Now i ask you people of Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
eG6KJ5zmLtBtO5kx7JWhE7AqJvY1wblF | aeympa | {
"description": "wanting my girlfriend to move out of my parents house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my girlfriend to move out of my parents house? | My girlfriend and I have been together for about 7 months now and things moved a bit fast. I live in one city and she lived in a town 1 hour and some change away. We saw each other for about a month before deciding mutually that she could come to live with me at my place until she finds a job and a place of her own.
After about a month living with me she finally found a job, but lost it after a couple weeks because she would constantly show up late and/or call in sick the day of her shift(which she was told not to do) only to sleep more at home. She spent about 2-3 months unemployed, sleeping in to about 3 pm and doing nothing all day. We would have a few arguments here and there because she wouldn't apply to jobs that often or really take it seriously. My mom also questioned me a few times asking when my girlfriend would move because even though she was okay with her staying for a while until she found a job and a place, it has now been 5 months and nothing has happened. (My mom doesn't have a ton of money so she can't afford to pay for 3 kids and my girlfriend).
Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, she finally started looking and found a job in the matter of a week or so. And as she finally found a job I figured it was time that I suggest that we find her a place together or contact her grandma or a friend to live with since she finally has a steady income. This set her off and it turned into an argument. She thinks that I don't want to be with her and/or am sick of being with her all the time and want her to move out. She also got pretty triggered when I said that I wanted more "freedom". (To clarify, I can be an introverted person and always have been. I've spent lots of time alone prior to this relationship and therefore I need even a day or so alone a week for myself and my mental health.) She doesn't seem to understand that I need alone time that I'm clearly not getting. She thinks I'm pushing her to move out so that I can break up with her as soon as she's gone. This is clearly not my intention as I have told her several times, but I do understand that some people have trust issues as she does through a dark past. She's also said she wants to stay so she can pay my mom rent that she thinks she definitely needs.
I love my girlfriend and love being with her, but I also need some space because I'm introverted and value my time alone as well. Whatever I say she seems to make it seem like I'm the bad one because I'm trying to make her leave as I don't want to spend time with her. This is not the case and we'd still see each other almost everyday. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
K55PkMUyOLMxNTmU1xL6cZTSBzeE8W6W | ao637z | {
"description": "posting a screen shot of my schools director getting caught by pedo catchers",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for posting a screen shot of my schools director getting caught by pedo catchers? | So to start this I'm going to explain that I'm 23 now but I went to school in a small village in the UK which had an infant, juniors and high school meaning I only went to school with people from my village up until high school when kids from other villages travelled to our school. There was a guy who lived in my village who worked as like a school director and I was actually in the same class as his daughter throughout infants school I think it age like 7 to 10 but I'm pretty stoned and I actually went on a week long school trip with this guy during the last year of being at that school. Any way I went to school with her all the way through my school career, she went college as far as I'm aware but I'm honestly not sure as she was always quite popular (she actually stamped her foot on my arm in year 4 for no reason once) and I hung out with either the group of nerds, the group of stoners or the 'moshers emos and goths.' I chose to go to a different college to the majority of people in my high school and village to escape all the cliques and bullshit which was the best choice I ever made as I now live in a different city with loads of friends across two cities and I'm following/living my dream career wise.
Anyway, this guy was on the board of the directors for multiple schools (all small children schools) in a small city called Wakefield where the village I lived called home. His name was Chris Powell if you want to Google him he's now in jail. Chris was caught by a 'nonce hunters' style Facebook vigilante group that I think go by the name Predator Exposure (check out their Facebook, they recorded their own song.)
When Chris was caught he'd gone to meet what he thought was a young boy and his car boot was full of sex toys so it was quite clear that he was down to fuck. Sadly for Chris it wasn't a young boy it was a group of rough looking Yorkshire blokes and women wearing their own brand of pedo hunting merchandise waving Facebook live streaming phones in his face. I don't fully remember as it's a few years back and once again I'm pretty stoned but I think from then it was a classic case of having loads of child porn on his laptop/phone and he'd been contacting and grooming actual kids as well as the fake one created by the hunters.
Fast forward to today, one of the only two people I'd call a good friend from school and the only one who had been there throughout every school sent me a print screen of a video on YouTube. The YouTube video is titled 'Top 10 Greatest Nonce Stings' and has 295,444 views at this moment in time. The print screen itself is timed on a still image of the nonce that has managed to make number 9 on this list looking gormless as fuck. Next to the photo of the nonce there is a fat black slab and in big red writing is the nonces name and that name is none other than our good friend CHRIS POWELL.
So I've been feeling pretty low lately and this kind of really made me laugh because of the name of the video and the fact that my mate sent it to me just made me chuckle. Anyway I was going to post it on Instagram but then thought to myself that I don't have anyone really from school on Instagram whilst on Facebook I have a few old bullies who tried to reconnect and a few people who I just never deleted and never deleted me. I knew I didn't have Chris' daughter on there but may have a couple of her friends possibly on there so thought it'd be much more relevant and cause a bit of a discussion there as I'm bored and stuck at home alone a lot at the moment (hence the daft long Reddit post.)
So I posted the print screen with the caption 'when someone you went on a school trip with becomes YouTube famous 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩' (not an emoji guy just sarcastic as fuck) and it got a 7 or 8 likes which basically means it banged compared to my usual posts and yeah I was pretty happy with myself and started smoking up and getting my chill on. Next thing you know this guy from school who bullied me before going to Afghanistan and coming back on some fake kindness/overly nice trip comments calling me out saying I shouldn't post it in case Chris' daughter saw, I tried to explain how I didn't have her on Facebook and he continued on about how I might not have her added but her or her family could see. I explained how my posts are set private to my friends but he continued on at me saying I was disrespectful to her and her family. At this point some one randomly chimed in and called him a nonce sympathiser so I get a bit hyped and go in on him about the previous points a little harder and the fact that his name and face should be shared around so people remember him when he's released all whilst repeatedly calling him a 'noble nonce sympathiser.' he other people chimed in and ripped on him and he defended his view by saying 'what if your dad was a pedo would you want people sharing things about him' to which I replied 'if my dad was a pedo and people were sharing things about him it wouldn't matter to me as he'd be dead to me and not my father.' He then started back footing and making out like he didn't mean any of what he said or want an arguement then out of nowhere accused someone of being up my arse before rounding it off by wishing my business well.
TL;DR - nonce was school director, went to school with his daughter, nonce got caught by pedo hunters, I shared print screen later and got called out for being an asshole.
So yeah, I wanna know if he's right or if I did nothing wrong, I haven't written anything that long since o was at school with Chris' daughter!
Thanks Reddit! | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
EdQhKBi3boeHo1XLcLqH7ZmkDC2DAoJK | asadme | {
"description": "explaining what \"bi\" means to a student of mine who asked if I was gay",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for explaining what "bi" means to a student of mine who asked if I was gay? | This happened a few months ago and fucked me up for a few days if nothing else, but it still sticks around in my mind because although it felt like I did nothing wrong, in hindsight it might have been the wrongest of wrong things. I dunno.
So background: I volunteer two days of every school week at a local primary (Australian word for elementary) school in a mixed grade 3/4 class. The area is highly made up of aboriginal Australian and north African immigrant families, and the school is owned by the nearest university - one that focuses on equity for students of different abilities, cultures and finances.
One such student is an 11-year-old Islamic girl from Sudan, who might be the biggest teacher's pet I've met in my time. Often she'll raise her hand just to ask "Do you like superheroes?" Or something to that liking.
One day I start noticing a few interesting questions from her, such as "Do you wear dresses?" and "Do you have a girlfriend?", and while I wish I could say yes to both, it would be a bit jarring to explain that I am wearing a bra under my shirt and am considered a woman by my self, friends, and family. I'm also bi as fuck, which makes the latter question even more awkward.
Obviously she was picking up a few effeminate vibes from me. The questions continue and I avoid those that are too strange for me to explain, but after some time she says - more kindly than most adults do - "Are you gay?"
I think about whether or not I should respond, and for my own sake the answer is obviously not to, but because I don't want to make any sort of impression that the topic is such a taboo, and that she obviously knew of the subject, I decide to answer truthfully: "No, but I'm actually bi."
"What does that mean?"
"It means liking both men and women."
That was the end of the conversation for then, and I was glad to see that she was so understanding at her age.
The next day I get a call to meet with the principal. You know where this is going. She explained to me that she had gotten a call from a parent, complaining that "I had taught their daughter a new word." I was told that obviously they would not ask me to leave, for legal reasons if nothing else, but that I needed to learn the "boundaries" of a teacher-student relationship, specifically that I have no right to act as a friend in any way to a student and cannot be anything more to them than a teacher.
I agreed for the sake of my career but it would go against everything I believe in to say that I have to hide a basic, g-rated piece of info like it were a criminal record, let alone to forbid myself from acting as a friend in addition to an educator.
My plans to explain my gender to pupils after I transitioned over the summer were promptly cancelled until they could "find an appropriate strategy", and although I did later have to postpone my return for study reasons, they insisted I wait for weeks after school starting so that "students have time to adjust". | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
2XRNbok9SCykd7RtTuXxlbo6SVnWN8Nq | avb02g | {
"description": "making a comment about something my roommate has in the fridge",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making a comment about something my roommate has in the fridge? | AITA My friend and I were in my kitchen making some food. My friend opens the fridge and notices that my roommate has saved her left over cereal milk and makes a comment about how that’s kinda weird and I agreed with her.
My roommate then comes out of her room and starts yelling at us about how we need to respect her shit.
I mention how it’s not like we touched any of her things, we just made a little comment about something we thought was kinda weird.
She then says that it doesn’t matter if we touched or not, that we shouldn’t have even looked at her shelf in the first place (we weren’t actively looking at her shelf, the mug was front and center and just the first thing your eyes went to).
She then just kept yelling about how I needed to respect her and that she shouldn’t feel judged in her own apartment.
We weren’t judging her or her character, we were barely even judging the cup of old cereal milk, it was really just a passing comment. It’s not like we made a huge deal about it and acted like it’s the weirdest thing we’ve ever seen. It was literally “what’s in that mug”, “left over cereal milk”, “that’s wired”, “yeah it’s kinda weird” and that was it.
She then called me a disrespectful bitch and told me I needed to apologize. I gave a half assed apology just because I wanted the whole situation to be over with.
AITA for making a comment about how I thought that the saved cup of old cereal milk was a little weird? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Xx85LSwRQWANsXJxQzGCR94Oo3mErpvq | b35cks | {
"description": "not getting him a job",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not getting him a job? | My housemate has been out of work for well over a year and all he does is play his playstation and smoke weed all day. We live in a house share and thats how we met, but i would also consider him a friend. He recently asked if I could get him a job or interview at my place of work, I'm a supervisor so I have a little power. I said no because I don't think he has a good attitude to work, I don't think he would do a good job and I would be held accountable for him. I told him my reasons maybe a little softer than that, but words to that effect. I hoped it would also open his eyes a bit and he would become more proactive in getting a job. That was a couple weeks ago and he has become really bitter since and doesn't talk to me. Am I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Q2W1c4ac43FKwn9ZSiJJPFrpeQW9wiz3 | 9wrgy4 | {
"description": "not helping to take care of my younger cousin",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping to take care of my younger cousin | So I have been the only child for all my life and never had to take care of someone or give up what I love for them because it’s never been a case of ‘someone needs you at home’. Because of this I always make sure I help out in any way I can so I don’t come across as a snobby Ahole. Recently I have had lot of stuff coming up like transitioning to college ( American Junior Year High School ) so I am really trying to concentrate as I want to make sure I get those top grades for university.
My aunt lost her job and had to go and live back in Brazil however my mum insisted my cousin stay with us for her to have a better life which I have no problem with and totally agree but now I have to give up EVERYTHING. I have had a successful pole vaulting career for 5 YEARS and she expects me to throw it out the window so I can stay home with my cousin (7 years old) while she goes to work till 8. Now I don’t get why I have to throw away everything I get she’s family but she’s not even my sister and I didn’t agree to throwing away all my hard work. I just believe that if your going to invite a child to live with you at least know you will be able to take care of them. I am not a childminder and do not get paid anyway, so all the family went off at me and called me selfish just because I don’t want all that time and money down the drain. The only person backing me was my dad but I’m only moving there for university because he lives way closer to all of them. AITA for not wanting to give up 5 years of my career to babysit my 7 year old cousin? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AtEkK051JOVFmV2UqVwSzYwQp8Lgytra | b6epb6 | {
"description": "not wanting to have a kid while in medical school",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to have a kid while in medical school? | Little backstory: I married my wife roughly a year ago. We've dated for a couple of years before I proposed. While it was clear to me early on that she's more in love with the idea of having kids than I am, we both came to an agreement that we would wait a year or so after marriage to have our own.
Flash forward to a few months into marriage: I'm in medical school, working my ass off. On certain nights, my wife will start bringing up the topic of kids, asking me if I'm sure that I wanted to wait the year or so before trying to have kids. I stick with my answer and we have a small conversation about why I feel that way.
Some time later: I talk to her about how I'm worried that having a kid can make things harder for me in medical school. As a consequence, I told her that I would feel more comfortable waiting an extra 10 months or so on top of the year that we said we'd be waiting. She took it a little hard and we had an argument, but we agreed at the end of it.
Flash forward to now: every month or so, my wife would bring up the topic of kids again. I feel like she would act clueless and pretend that she didn't know our last agreement. Each time we talk about the topic, she would try to move that date closer and closer. I stick with my answer (1 year, 10 months total) every time, and because I won't budge on that timeline, she'd be mad and we would have a small argument. And every time we have an argument, she would use hypothetical situations to (in my opinion) fear monger me into moving the date closer (e.g. "what if I'm infertile by then?"; bear in mind that we're in our mid-20s).
My reasoning behind waiting is that the extra commitment might be too much for me, considering that I am already physically drained from my workload in medical school. On top of that, I would like to wait until we're more financially secure (i.e. I get close to graduating and finding a job as a physician). Medical school cost \~$250,000 dollars, and I don't want to fail out because of the extra commitment. My wife doesn't see that though. She wants to have kids before "it's too late."
Who is the asshole in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
iYSj1ZpmMOS0JvbS9eT1TSfxBhGHdItD | 9tvv96 | {
"description": "not wanting my gf to spend 160",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my gf to spend 160$ | TL;DR: my gf wants to buy me two games that total 160$ and I don't want her to which made her sad
Okay so I've been with my gf for 4 years now and one day she was joking about getting me a video game and I was like "Amma hold you up to that" and now she actually wanna pre-order two games for me Battlefield V and Anthem but these two games are just too expensive they total almost 160$ and she's insisting on buying me both of them I tried to convince her to not buy me any games at all but she doesn't wanna do that and then I asked for her to only buy me one game instead to meet her half way but she doesn't wanna do that either and she's telling me she'll be super sad if I didn't let her buy the two games.
And I really don't want her to just spend that amount of money on two games that aren't even out yet. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tAuk6ptp8oVRC5RhTiJgkQukbFV5Zx9u | addzfl | {
"description": "exposing a classmate's cutting habit to the whole class",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for exposing a classmate's cutting habit to the whole class? | About 4 years ago when I was in grade 12, during Social Studies one day, I happened to notice a classmate's many horizontal scars on her wrist (let's call her "the cutter"). A few day later in class, before the teacher came in the classroom, I was on the other side of the classroom talking (rather loudly and obnoxiously in retrospect) with my friends, and I happened to be in close proximity to the cutter. She then stood up and said "Pukalo I swear to God if you don't go back to your seat I will cut you". I turned and said in a loud voice so everyone (about 30 people) could hear: "Like how you cut yourself?", before going back to my seat (bell had just rung anyway). She ended up getting teary eyed and red faced from the yelling at me that followed. I have absolutely no regrets about the incident. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
ewO4KzFUABBF5SoZzgcKUCK27z3B7eLM | a2y87b | {
"description": "getting upset at my roommate over disputes of shared space",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting upset at my roommate over disputes of shared space? | This one is kind of a doozy, so strap in.
I'm (M19) living in a ~1,000sqft. , 3 bedroom apartment with 5 other friends. We are assigned two to each bedroom, and the shared spaces are the kitchen and the living room.
One of my housemates (M19) has continually been using the shared spaces as if it was his own. Now, I can't act like I'm perfect either, but this roommate has left countless dishes in the sink (up to multiple days), and refuses to move his plates and utensils out of the drying rack and into the cupboards. When I asked him about said issue, he responded that my roommate clears the drying rack weekly anyways, and that it doesn't bother him at all.
The worst part isn't the kitchen though; unfortunately, it seems that this housemate considers the living room to be his second walk-in closet. From the first week that we all moved into the apartment, he's left his giant bicycle underneath the bar-styled counter in our living room that faces into the kitchen. He said that he would ride the bike to school (about 3-4 miles away), but that bike hasn't moved an inch for the past 6 months (he commutes by car instead). And a couple months back, he brought a mini-fridge into our already tiny kitchen, explaining that he'd sell the appliance on letgo or ebay (the refridgerator is still here to this day). But the last straw for me was when he brought in a giant foldable table (the ones you'd find at catered parties), and plopped it into the middle of our living room.
Well of course, most of us were quick to express our discontent at the move. The table was an eye-sore, and even though we could use a coffee table-sized... table for our living room (lol), that giant, plastic, unaesthethic monstrosity was just way too much.
I talked to the housemate about this, and asked if he could maybe fold it up and put it away. He then explained that he needed a place to eat his food. I explained that we already had a futon and a smaller table (maybe a foot and a half wide and 5 feet long) where other people ate, but he then said he needed a place to study and do work. I then pointed out that *he had his own desk in his room*, but even that didn't matter, as 'his roommate often used the desk'. He also argued that there was already another desk (for study use) in the living room, and no one would complain about *that* one (which was a desk for the two girls that lived in one of the bedrooms together, but they didn't have space for a desk in their room).
I was kind of done with words. I angrily washed all of the dishes in the sink (which were his), and then proceeded to put away all the dishes from the drying rack into the respective cupboards and drawers (which were also mostly his). I then came back to my room to talk to my roommate about the issue and to write my woes into this post.
The giant foldable table now sits alongside the wall between our futon and the entrance to the kitchen. It's a fucking eyesore and I wish it would go away. I've been talking to other roommates about possibly getting barstools for the counter or maybe another smaller, manageable coffee table, but to this housemate, as long as the new furniture isn't there, the table stays. Even as I write this right now, he's using it to have a snack and study for school on his laptop.
So Reddit, am I the asshole that is declining my roommate's needs for a table and extra space to eat and study? Because maybe I'm incorrectly associating his need for a workspace with his poor kitchen management skills. But in general, it seems like he's just taking advantage of the shared spaces of our apartment. What do I do to convince the guy that he should move his shit out of our shared space? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
vo0zwHy4P9Ni6hRRUvR6HfJxzYOyov93 | axdqlx | {
"description": "wanting my parents to pay for my trip",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for wanting my parents to pay for my trip? | Hi there r/AITA, I'm a a college student well into my twenties, i'm a bad student overrall and my parents are paying for me (I live in EU so it's mostly rent, food since I live in another town and some taxes), they are disappointed with me because of this and I am disappointed of myself aswell, it's been an uphiil battle for me to pour myself into anything useful and I've been borderline depressed half the time i've been here, I literally have no friends here and spend my time either trying to study or killing time on pc. I've never spent money on pretty much anything that wasn't food, clothes or books (I don't drink or smoke) in my time here but today I spoke with an old flame of mine and she invited me to spend 3-4 days with her in her country (and sleep at her place), would be a 1-2h flight and the cost is about 30-70euros round-trip depending on timing.
​
I asked my parents and they said no because they don't want me to lose time and don't want to spend money on something useless (I'm finishing college this summer) but it's mostly because my parents are way way overprotective and are afraid of everything I do (an old problem that I hope I won't have to care about once I get any kind of job), they even told me.
​
now, I'm not going to try and change their minds, but I'm quite sad and angry about it because for once I had an opportunity to be with a person I feel good with and go outside my house not alone and they refuse it for their egoistic need to feel that I'm safe, it makes me so mad, I respect them but they don't respect me if they don't trust me.
​
I know some of you are going to look at me like I'm a spoiled child but I think it's mostly that I'm not driven to do anything with my life that brought me to waste so much time, and this lead to me being almost depressed for a long time, now I'm getting better and I'm almost done with college so I'll be able to dedicate myself to something (anything, I just want to be indipendent).
​
So, am I the asshole for thinking that my parents should pay for this trip? I'm not gonna try and change my parents opinion but I just want to know what other think. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
FjS0CjhkTMoRfl6Z4vhzNI0PIbne7CHH | as9f84 | {
"description": "absolutely despising MY Girlfriend's only friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Absolutely Despising MY Girlfriend’s Only Friend? | Obligatory apology for formatting issues should they exist, posted from mobile. TL;DR at the end.
So let me start out by saying that I have already accepted everything about my (20M) girlfriend (19F), including having to deal with her best and only friend (18F).
So, with that said, let it be known that I hate my girlfriend’s best friend, heretofore known as “H”. I loathe her very existence. Her treatment of my girlfriend, who doesn’t have the opportunity to go out and make new friends due to mental illness, is awful. H will invite my girlfriend, heretofore known as “K”, over to hang out, then proceed to invite her boyfriend, or boy toy, I’m not sure at this point, over and completely ignore K. She relies on K for emotional support though she never returns the support when it’s the other way around. She’s a bad influence on K, bringing her to a party I wasn’t able to attend one time where K knew no one and left her alone the entire night save for one interaction, where H tried to get K to cheat on me.
H cheats on every boyfriend she ever gets and then complains whenever her relationships never work out. When they inevitably fail, she makes K feel guilty for having a good relationship with me while H is single, until she finds the next person to attach to. I’ve given up time with K just so she could go and see H for whatever reason. K and I have changed our plans multiple times just to include our accommodate H.
Then there’s just her mannerisms towards me. I find her personality to be irritating, she continually tries to press my buttons, such as calling me “Subnautica” after wearing a Nautica brand shirt, which seems like something small, but after the litany of shit I put up with from H, it makes me want to roundhouse kick her into the Sun. Or, there’s the time when she perverts my name into a brand of feminine hygiene products. (Hint: it’s also a brand of coffee)
Just all in all, I’m sick of it. I’ve never said the first bad word towards H, despite the many irritations she’s caused me and the significant trouble she’s caused K because K has troubles with mental illness that keep her from going out and socializing with many new people, depriving her of the chance to make new friends, as well as her having known H for close to 10 years. I know it hurts K because she had this vision of us all being happy friends and such but I just can’t do it. It causes the occasional fight whenever I start to complain about H to K, though they’re never particularly bad and are avoided as long as I keep my mouth shut.
TL;DR- My girlfriend has troubles with mental illness that ensures that she has only this one friend who happens to be a complete and utter cockbite and I hate her.
So Reddit, am I the asshole for hating my girlfriend’s one and only friend?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yT5JGAOHux36Y1BRTaszvp8v37y42z8M | aqmlcp | {
"description": "jacking off after my significant other didn't want to have sex",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for jacking off after my significant other didn't wanna have sex? | So I've been hanging out with this girl for a while but we aren't officially dating even though she really wants to. We have a fairly active sex life which is quite enjoyable. Earlier this week we were laying in bed watching some Netflix and I noticed I was a little horny, so I indicated I would like to have sex with her. She declined the free ticket I was offering on the train to pound town, which I respected and we went to bed.
The next morning after she left I realized I was still a little horny, so I decided to rub one out. Something males all over the world do. It was absolutely not a reflection of her, I was just kinda horny and decided to take of it.
So fast forward to that night and she wants to have sex so of course I oblige her. We fuck for a while and eventually stop because we are both tired. I didn't cum due to my morning activities, which was no big deal to me as long as she was satisfied. She expressed that she felt bad because she couldn't make me cum. I tried to console her by explaining that it wasn't her fault because I had taken care of myself in the morning. At which point she completely shut down and told me she was pissed. She said I was thinking about other girls which is obviously true because there was porn involved. She is also pretty Christian which could be a contributing factor.
She abruptly left at 1:30 in the morning.
AITA for wacking it because she didn't want to do it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
y4HVEPKd6PehFQ6Xhz6KiK6X9TH6u9Yg | aww6ji | {
"description": "freaking out because my family ate all the doughnuts",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for freaking out because my family ate all the doughnuts? | Alright, the title might be a little baity, but just stick with me here.
So my family and I are all muslims, and because of that we all dry fast from sunrise till sunset during one of the months of the year (ramadan). It's a religous practice to help an individual cast away some of their material attachements and bring them closer to themselves and god.
Now here's a disclaimer: This happened last Ramadan, and my family brings it up to tease me every now and then.
One day during this month, it happened so that I was the only person fasting. Everyone else blew it off for some reason or the other, but I was the only one who was fasting. Now this was a very stressful time of the month for me as I was going through exam period for a class (Calc 2) I had previously dropped out of. Because of some reason or the other, I had failed both my midterms and discussed with the prof if I could have the exam replace my entire course mark if I did pass the exam BEFORE the bell curve. My prof agreed but he did warn me that the average for his exams are usually 30-40% BEFORE the bell curve. Therefore, a lot rided on this and usually I wouldn't fast through this ordeal, but I found that it really did help me focus when I studied. Now usually, in our house whenever someone fasts, we cook a huge meal, have a nice big family dinner together to break the fast, and I expected no different from today. Before I left for school in the morning I saw my parents buy a lot of food and I saw a Tim Horton's dozen doughnuts box in the fridge as well, filled to the brim with my favourite doughnuts. I went to school and wrote my exam, finished around 7pm and caught the bus back home.
When I got home, I couldn't really find anyone except my brother who was in his room. It was approaching sunset and I was looking forward to this big meal with my family. However, my brother told me that everyone had already ate and left to go to someone's house. Now this annoyed me a little bit, but I figured that I would just eat the leftovers and catch up on brooklyn nine nine while I ate. However, when I opened the fridge, I quickly saw that there was literally no leftovers from their dinner. Absolutely nothing. The only thing I could see was the Tim Hortons box. I grab the box and put it out on the table, and when I open it, I found nothing but crumbs. From there, it could've been a mix of hunger and just rage and I flipped out on my brother and yelled about how gluttinous they are and how they didnt fast like me and how they are just completely unempathetic. When everyone came home, they just couldn't believe that I was so mad over doughnuts and that I was being completely unreasonable.
So I ask, who is in the wrong here, AITA?
P.S. I kicked that exam's butt and finished with a B- | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | WRONG |
ba4vszBdWSvNhmHpbWxrThkY7UPFbua5 | 9vdvlu | {
"description": "getting into fight with best friend over me not accepting a chocolate bar",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For getting into fight with best friend over me not accepting a chocolate bar | A little bit of backstory: We're both 17, I'm a male and she's a female. I'm fairly considerate, as in I often give my friends stuff (for example cakes my mother makes), and so does she. A couple of times i asked her if she wanted me to bring her cake or whatever to school, and she always declined. One time i talked to her about it, and it concluded with her saying "i don't want anything from you" (as in material stuff i hope, anyways it's an awful thing to say). So, i kind of got mad because she never accepted my stuff but i always accepted her's. Also i confessed her love a month ago, which didn't end well because she was flirting with the other guy at the moment, but everything was pretty normal in our relationship since then, not even uncomfortable.
Today we had a fight about it. She brought me a chocolate bar i like, i declined, she kind of begged me to take it (begged is obviously too hard of a word). I didn't accept it in the end, and because she didn't want it back i just left it laying on a table (she saw that). After that she was mad about me not accepting her "attention", and saying, and i quote, "i'll stop with acts of kindness/attention, so you won't have anything to decline, it will be easier on you, do what you want. I don't want to lose any more nerves on you, just know, ever again". I shrugged at that statement, saying that i have no problem with her decision and that i didn't want to hurt her or anything. Also that i too feel bad about her not recieving my "attention". She was just really mad that she had to beg me to take her "kindness", because she thinks i humiliated her. I was pretty calm entire time, i told her that i really appriciate her kindness apart from not taking my favorite candy. She didn't really accept that, and is angry.
I hope i didn't give out too one-sided perspective, and i feel bad and dumb about this situation. Didn't really want a fight, and i literally had 0 problems with her, ever. But i really don't want to say sorry. How right am i?
**TL;DR** i got mad at my best friend for saying "i don't want anything from you", so i declined her next casual gift. She thinks i humiliated her because i so stubbornly declined, and is now angry at me. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UwNDKPsoUPNtrMA7OSb6Bga7ih8jzKpw | b8fok6 | {
"description": "telling my family I feel unwanted",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my family I feel unwanted? | Title says it all. Recently I’ve been feeling as if I’ve been ignored by my family. When I go to tell them about a story idea I have or talk about something I like in general they huff and puff or groan or just straight ignore me. It makes me feel as if what I want to say is unimportant if it isn’t feeding into a constant stream of complaining about my dad. My mother will spend hours at a time watching videos on some K-Pop band, and listening to my youngest sister practically beg for tickets for one of their upcoming shows even though we can’t afford it. When it comes to my other sister it’s more understandable since she’s going off to college soon. But I just feel like none of them want to hear what I have to say, at all. I’m currently in college (yay being a broke ass college student /s) and I’m set to graduate and move to a better college this semester, but it feels like that’s just... irrelevant now. Last time I brought up how I feel over this, I made my mother cry and I was told I was being a selfish cunt. I don’t want to hurt any of them, but I also want to connect with them and share my passions with them. WIBTA if I told them they way they act towards me makes me feel like they don’t want me? Or rather, makes me feel like my interests are unwanted/pointless and dumb? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MzPxTOLtEtwllRSNbU7tcB8tSL1yoEKG | a7m17l | {
"description": "ditching friends during our vacation due to their difficult child",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for ditching friends during our vacation due to their difficult child? | My friend invited a couple of families on a vacation together. We all have kids. Their child is a little difficult, is a bad sleeper and also has allergies. The entire vacation is starting to revolve around their kid.
The kid must love playgrounds, because they want to go somewhere with a playground every day. And that’s the only activity that they want to do for the day. Our day revolves around the kid’s nap schedule. Due to the allergies, they want to stay at the accommodation during mornings and evenings to cook for their kid. So we all can’t go out to a nice restaurant together. To accommodate them, we get take out. And it seems like they’re expecting us to.
I’ve tried to be empathetic, as I know how hard it is to be a parent, especially to a difficult child. My husband and I like sightseeing and eating out. I feel like ditching them and doing our own thing. I haven’t said anything to the other families yet, not wanting to split up the group and offend anyone. But we all don’t have to do everything together. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8rFhuzsOlXPnI1uI9o5kBDYmRJrD87E6 | b5yzru | {
"description": "cutting myself off from an old friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting myself off from an old friend? | A bit of backstory: Right out of high school I was going nowhere fast. Drinking, drugs, you name it and I was doing it. I had a friend who I would stay with a lot, getting high and drunk and causing trouble.
After I moved to another state, I tried to turn my life around, and so I cut all contact with him. He's tried contacting me, but I've never responded. Now I hear rumors from some other old friends that he has a pretty bad heroin problem. I told them that he's not my problem nor responsibility and that was that.
However, I'll admit that I'm worried about him. He may have been a grade a lowlife, but he was someone I considered a friend. I really don't want this person back in my life, though.
Am I a dick? I kind of feel like one. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nV7PmiRHC4z56QIjqTGlZmaNEV8sz7g2 | ajsjcy | {
"description": "parking in a handicapped spot that I had good reason to believe would never be needed",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for parking in a handicapped spot that I had good reason to believe would never be needed. | For years, I have been going to a small local rock climbing gym. Because of government regulations based on the size of business, they had no choice but to provide two handicapped parking spaces right by the front door in the small main lot of about 12 cars. There was also an excess lot for about 40 cars behind the building, which people were occasionally forced to use and walk around to the front because the back entrance was a fire door only. Please note: this is a **rock climbing gym**, if you aren't at least able-bodied (and don't work behind the register) there really isn't much chance you will have a reason to want to park here. I knew all the employees and there was no one with a handicapped plate who worked there.
One day, after about 6 months of never seeing a single person park there, I decided to use the second best of the handicapped spots instead of being forced to use the back lot because we had been getting freezing rain for a few hours and the sun was going down, and I didn't feel like falling on my ass coming down or going up an icy slope because I was saving a spot for someone who is NEVER going to need it. There was no problem that day.
This became a habit. Any time (rain or shine) that I couldn't park in a free space up front, I'd take the handicapped spot. Eventually, I started doing it on "on principle" because I figured that if I used one of these two spots that always went to waste, that's one less other person who gets stuck driving around to the back if the lot filled up later.
One day, one of the other climbers found out it was me who'd been doing it and told me I was the worst piece of privileged shit in the world. (He was a little extra outraged because he had a friend who was recently paralyzed in a climbing accident outdoors.) I told him I was sorry, that I thought the likelihood of anyone wanting to use the spot legitimately was so remote it was wasted, and pointed out the that best handicapped spot remains open. He said I was a selfish piece of shit, and I have to admit, former climbers who are now injured wanting to come to the gym was not something I had thought of. So I stopped parking there.
TL;DR Was certain no one would ever need a government mandated handicapped space and used it. Got chastised for it even though no one actually ever needed it. Was my rationalization really that wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
U4wt93m1DiEbtkACfUw4AOANyYKV5O9x | a804iq | {
"description": "thinking a mentally disabled student is ruining my college games club",
"pronormative_score": 45,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for thinking a mentally disabled student is ruining my college games club? | **The neutral explanation**
There is a games club that I am a member of at my college. Its members consist of about 20 members, both men and women who meet about once a week (usually not all 20 at once) to play various board / table top games. Since my joining the club 2 years ago, I have risen in the ranks to being someone who helps organize the game nights now every third week or so. (The specific game I run will be discussed later).
​
Recently (this past semester) a student who is mentally disabled was encouraged to join the club. I was in no way opposed to his joining, because I genuinely enjoy introducing the fun of tabletop games to people. I often see people that think board games only go as far as monopoly, so its great to expand their horizons into thinks like Munchkin, Zombicide, Sycthe, etc etc. The main game that I run is Dungeons and Dragons about once or twice a month (It’s actually a different game system, but everyone knows D&D, so let’s go with that for simplicity)
​
To describe this student (let’s call him Jim) I’d say he is not completely unable, he’s mostly just slower than the usual person and has a bit of a temper. He is often accompanied by a “buddy” around campus who helps him with stuff. He is easily upset if something doesn’t go his way. He doesn’t throw tantrums exactly, but he gets angry, loud, and very occasionally, will throw something in frustration (small objects. He doesn’t flip tables or anything). So with that explanation, you might see where this is going.
​
Okay, so to get into the meat of my issue with Jim, I decided to split the explanation up into two versions. A simple, non-nerd version that gets the point across and a full on nerd explanation of the situation. I suggest reading the first one, but I wanted to at least write out the full version somewhere.
​
**Non-Nerd Version**
I’ve been running a longer story with my players (5 people before Jim) for about a year and a half now. Sessions require some prep time on my part, making sure I know the player characters, where the players are planning to go, and trying to think of interesting ways to get everyone involved in the story. About mid-way through this past semester, Jim was invited into the game. We played a few practice games with him that went okay. I genuinely enjoy seeing a new player get invested in their character and come up with interesting ideas on how to progress, but issue started to arise when Jim actually joined the campaign. He wouldn’t allow his character to be hurt or be challenged in any way. This lead to parts of the game being derailed completely because his “I can’t lose” character would just effortlessly win every time because his “buddy” and other sympathetic players would insist that I “just let it slide. We’re all here to have fun and this is fun for him.” This finally boiled over in the last session before winter break where a plot twist a player and myself were building up to was “ruined” because Jim’s character pulled a “I can’t lose” move.
​
First and foremost, I just want everyone to have fun. I’m not going to flip the table and throw a tantrum just because the players aren’t following the story I wrote. I’ve read and seen those kinds of Dungeon Masters and that kind of behavior is embarrassing and just not fun to be around. I’m not going to just stop running the game, but I’m starting to wish I could.
​
I’m not alone in this feeling. Two of the players also feel like the game is lesser now that Jim has joined. (one of them was part of that failed plot twist). We are quiet about it because we are concerned about being labeled as assholes for being upset over a disabled student. I used to look forward to the game sessions over winter break, but now I’m just putting together the prep work as more of a chore now. The player who had his plot twist messed up is even thinking of leaving the game since it leaves him a convenient out now.
​
I'm mostly just curious if we are being entitled assholes for being upset over our tabletop RPG being run differently as to how we want it to be. As I said, some people are having a lot of fun, but there are others who are considering dropping out of the game entirely because it has changed so much now.
​
You don’t need to read the longer version below, but it does go into more explanation about me and my players specific issues.
​
**TL;DR**
Mentally disabled player doesn’t want to play games by the rules. Makes me and other players not want to be a part of the club anymore.
​
**The (far too long) Nerd Version**
Before getting into Jim as a player, I’ll explain a few things about how we played our games:
​
Okay, so as a Dungeon Master I try to get as involved with my players as I can. Each of their character’s backstories are woven into the pre-written campaign through various methods (flashbacks, custom Non Player Characters, etc) . I work with everyone individually as much as they want, through email or in person hang outs to get an idea of where they want their character to go, or even if they want to retire the character to play as a new one. (Characters are retired either through death or other plot stuff. It depends on what the player and I think will work best (This is also done rarely. We don't really allow character retirement until the character has been around awhile or, in extreme cases, the character just doesn't work for the party)
​
The also used to run our games with a “what happens happens” kind of thing. If a character dies due to a dumb player move, then that character is dead. We try not to “ret-con” events just because a player regrets a previous move. We viewed it like being upset over an early move in chess and wanting to “go back” and undo that move so you don’t lose.
​
Now let’s get to the issues with Jim as a player:
* Bored with my character – Jim never plays the same character twice. When we first started, I helped him make up a character. I asked what kind of character he wanted to play ( Kind of like “Do you want to me a knight with a sword, a wizard with magic, or a quick-handed thief?”). He had a lot of fun making up a character and a basic backstory for him. I was able to find a way to weave this new character into the existing plot and the first session went… okay. But then. The next session he didn’t want to play his character anymore. He wanted to play as someone else. The more sympathetic players just brushed it off, but it’s frustrating to both me and some other players that a member of the party is constantly switching out. It made everyone not want to interact with that character on a roleplaying level because he was so inconsistent.
* Everything proof shield – Jim now doesn’t allow his character to be injured in any way. Combats involving Jim’s characters are always a mess. Let’s say a goblin tries to hit him with a spear. It rolls high enough to hit, so Jim should take damage. However, Jim will say “I block it!” and will just repeat this over and over until I give up and just say something along the lines of “you manage to block the spear with your shield at the last second.” The sympathetic players will often congratulate him on his “quick thinking” and such, which again annoys the other players.
* · Unlimited Cosmic Powers – Okay so the last bullet point might really only affects his character if it stopped there, but of course it doesn’t. Jim’s character also has unlimited ability when it comes to any problem the party faces. This essentially boils down to Jim not wanting to roll dice. He just dictates what he wants his character to do and expects it to just be done. “I climb the wall. I hit him with my sword. I heal him” As a DM I usually let players police their own abilities (We look up the rules if something doesn’t feel right) but with Jim there’s just no boundaries. His character can just do *Anything* he wants without fail. Early on, I tried to play with him like usual (“You try to hit him, but he manages to nimbly doge out of your reach”) however, this lead to him getting angry and sometimes throwing game pieces or just storming off. Often leading to the sympathetic players giving me looks of disapproval and being told I should “just let him do it”.
​
Okay so the stage is now set for what I call
​
**The Final Straw**
I’m not going to bore you with a complete recap of the story of our campaign thus far, but to give the important details: The party was at a natural conclusion for this part of the campaign before winter break (think final episode of a season before a hiatus) and a player and I had something up our sleeve to end the session. He had been secretly planning with me for the last few months on having his character defect against the party. (A reminder, I do this with all my players. They all have backstory and character motivation that the other players don’t know, so it was a treat to have this tidbit of information under my hat for this long)
​
We were both excited to finally drop this twist on the party and had a plan on how to do it in an interesting way. The best way I can think to explain how it was supposed to go is to just put up an outline of what we were planning.
​
Turncoat Character (TC)
Dungeon Master (DM)
​
Setting: A camp that party has set up at the base of a mountain several days after defeating the boss of this part of the campaign. Party consists of the 6 players and a NPC. They now have what they think is a very important item with them that is left with the NPC for plot reasons.
​
TC: “On my turn for night watch I cast silence, targeted on center of camp” (Creates area where no sound it made) “ I make my way to the NPC’s tent and stand over him for several min | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 45,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
4wtMfTWxBpAsH2nzCmF6B5YuMhqrzgsA | ax3wrp | {
"description": "not wanting my \"step sister\" and her bikie fiancé at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting my “step sister” and her bikie fiancé at my wedding? | Some context. My mum and dad divorced when I was 26, I’m now 38. Dad started seeing a new woman and 13 or so years later they’re still together and I’m happy dad is happy with his partner.
Dad seems to see her as my step mother, where as i see her as dad’s partner.
She had a daughter from a previous marriage who is mid twenties, never held down a full time job, never made an effort to be social at family functions (if she even attends them), still has the mother pay half her rent, and whilst not nice to say, comes off as a bit of a loser.
The daughter has recently gotten engaged to a fella. After they announced the engagement, she told her mother that the fella was a fully patched member of an outlaw motorcycle club.
Dads side of the family think this is hilarious, and it kind of is.
The rub now comes that dad is insisting that I invite them to my wedding, and I’m being “precious” for not wanting to associate with a bikie.
(I should add that my employer (state based law enforcement) would not look favorably on such associations and a group of work colleagues will be at the wedding.
Of course I made the mistake of being honest with my dad as to the reasons I didn’t want them at the wedding, only for it to have blown up in my face.
Please, am I being the arsehole for not wanting these people at my wedding? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Z5Vk2k34GmhaVgwDQqxGXYU2nyIet6YB | ama4bc | {
"description": "ghosting someone that acted weird",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for ghosting someone that acted weird? | This happened quite a long time ago (about 4 (??) months back) but now i'm still troubled with the question of whether i was being an asshole in the situation. Sorry for bad English in advance, not a native.
Tl;dr: ghosted a person after they started acting clingy and weird.
So basically, i know this confession page on Facebook (yes i use facebook) that's pretty popular in my country, the point of this page is for people to make friends and write stories together (kinda like roleplaying but you can say it's more complicated). Now, i was pretty lonely back them, and so i thought it wouldn't hurt to give this a try, so i wrote a confession, introducing myself and stating my preferences, what kind of friends am i looking for,... etc. This wasn't the first time i've ever written a confession on this page, i actually got myself a few friends in the past so i figured this time would go smoothly again.
Ohhh was I wrong.
About 4 - 5 people replied to my confession, said that they want to give it a try. I pmed all of them, none actually went well, but I'll talk about one person that really stood out, let's call her A.
So, since it was stranger on stranger communication, i didn't know anything about A, her facebook wall is mostly empty (only avatar updates etc but it's because she got her posts mostly set on Friends only). We talked back and forth, she introduced herself and lo and behold she's the same age as me, has the same hobbies, quite similar mood swings/personalities, so needless to say, we clicked. I thought i've just found myself a new friend and everything was going well, she seemed to have pretty severe anxiety, but at that point i did too, so i told her it's okay and we'll work through it together. Her next message was my first red flag, though.
A said she easily develops a crush, is clingy, needs affection instantly, and by that i mean INSTANTLY. We'll get into details later, but the way she said these things kinda pulled me back a litte bit, but again, we seemed perfect, i didn't have no one, she didn't have no one, and it felt great again having a friend by your side.
Now this is the part where it got really weird.
At first A and I talked a lot, days and nights for about 3 days, then I had to go back to school because, well, i had school and am still a student. She seemed to have studied in the mornings only while I had a full day (7am - 5pm, top tier school of the city, yes i'm an asian). In the evenings i needed to do homework, dealt with my stress and organized myself, so needless to say, i didn't have the time give her much affection and even if i did, i think couldn't have brought myself to do it due to all the shit i'm going through (depression made me lose interest in everything). A on the other hand was free as hell, and messaged me every. 10. minutes asking what i was doing, could we talk, she missed me,... Keep in mind, I've only KNOWN her for like a week or less, so it was really weird to me. I tried to replied to all her messages saying i got homework to do, i didn't feel like talking, i was busy etc. She was kinda upset, apologized for being "annoying" and left me alone, for about an hour before she started doing it again. She said i didn't initiate conversations and that hurt her, so i promised i would start to initiate conversations with her from that point on. This went on for like 2 - 3 days, I was busy, she demanded affection, we only really talked at night and even then, i didn't really felt like talking and that she was taking all of my free time, she needed instant comfort, affection and reassurance so she wouldn't have a breakdown. I was tired dealing with my depression alone, so I was pretty strained by giving everything i had to her yet not having the guts to talk about my personal problems yet (like come on, would you tell a stranger on the internet that you've known for a week about your personal life? no). I went to ask a few friends about this, what should i do, and almost all of them said I should cut A off. I agree with this idea, but I myself hesitated to actually do it because i'm scared she would throw shit on me and breakdown-- It's actually really hard to confront a person with mental illnesses because you feel like their life's hanging over your head and one wrong move, they're dead. This doesn't defend my action though, and if i'm the asshole, i'm still the asshole.
So that led me to one final decision.
I ghosted her.
At first she kept on messaging me like usual, asking me where I was, why I didn't talk to her, saying she missed me, she apologized if she did something wrong and wished i would come back. I ignored it all. It stopped for like a week, then there they were, the final messages she sent me were super long, like a 5 page microsoft word essay, talking about her past traumas, people that have left and hurt her, why she is annoying, why she hates herself, all kinds of stuff. I was scared at this point. Like, genuinely scared. So, I left her messages there for about 3 weeks before i finally decided to take out my trusty computer, install an unseen extension and see her messages. She has blocked me, but it still shocked me to the core seeing what she wrote to me, how unnerving and weird it was, i feel like i dodged a bullet, but it still made me questions if i was really an asshole because i feel like i couldn't help her through her hard time, gave her the affection she needed and ghosted her in the end. I feel like she's not at fault because the human mind can be weird sometimes, along with her obvious mental problems.
So Reddit, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
UD7PaBzNhRdcz8aHSIJSAqhhEXQJBovB | aw1dn9 | {
"description": "hitting on my crushes best friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hitting on my crushes best friend | For context, I was hitting on this girl one day and I was really into her but she didn’t really seem into me. The next day she leaves me on read. I kept trying to talk but she would just leave me on read every time.
After two weeks of this and trying to talk to her, her friend (who I didn’t know she was at the time) hit me up flirting with me and saying I was cute and stuff. I flirted back and eventually I commented on her ig:
“Damn 😍 your beautiful ”
Unfortunately, the girl I was originally crushing on saw it and went off on me about being a fuckboy and about how I shouldn’t hit on her best friend. I explained that I didn’t know and how I thought she had no interest in me and apologized for the whole situation. After some back and forth, she blocked me calling me an asshole after apologizing for everything.
So Reddit, am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
gb0LMltrzBWbfI3GfFGvhLgRFLpwdxeY | agnpat | {
"description": "not wanting to get a puppy with my girlfriend right now",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to get a puppy with my girlfriend right now? | So a little background info, I am 23 and my girlfriend is 21. We moved in together in September and ever since she has been dead set on getting a dog. I work full time in IT and she just received her bachelors in nursing and is going back to school for her masters next semester as well as working part time as a nurse. We live in the city in a small apartment and to be honest I do not feel as if we have the time right now to take care of a puppy, let alone afford one. When she brings it up, i usually try to point out why its not the greatest idea right now, seeing as she doesn't work full time and already has a hard enough time splitting rent as it is. Don't get me wrong I love dogs and would love to get one in the future.
​
My main concern is this puppy being cooped up in a small apartment for at least 8 hours a day alone, and on top of that shelling out over 1000 dollars for the "perfect dog". When I offer an opinion on how I feel about the situation, she gets super upset to the point of screaming at me. It basically leaves me with get a dog, or lose her... and I don't want to lose her we've been dating for 3 years and love each other dearly. She also wants the dog for therapeutic reasons and makes me feel horrible for thinking we can't handle the responsibility right now.
​
AITA for wanting to wait to get a dog until we are both financially stable as well as more able to take care of a puppy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 24,
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"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vmxn4sbOVR1vw6GQU2iwqx8eEdgFhlzP | a0nrgf | {
"description": "not celebrating my mom's engagement",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA: For not celebrating my mom's engagement? | My mom and dad recently divorced after 26 years of being married. Their relationship had always been rocky and anybody who was anybody could see it was on a downhill trajectory. I had spent the majority of my teenage and young adult years being the buffer between them and my mom had agreed to hold out on the marriage until my two younger brothers (16 & 17 during the divorce) graduated college.
At the start of last year I announced my engagement to my long time boyfriend of 9 years and we began planning our wedding. I moved out of my family home and in with my then fiancé just a few minutes away from home. We announced our wedding date for August of 2018.
November 2017 comes around and my mom calls me over, I assumed to talk about wedding plans or thanksgiving. Instead she announced her divorce. I was devastated for so many reasons. I was worried for my brothers who were just finishing school. I was hurt that she announced it during a time where I wanted to focus on my future husband and I. So many reasons that would take much more time to talk about. Many of them I consider my own shortcomings and immaturity.
I gave it a few months and put aside my feelings and supported both her and my dad during the divorce. Not many people talk about the conflict of being an adult child of divorcing parents: the emotional pain is there but the logical understanding that this is for the best is there as well. I did my best to tune out their insults of one another, their seething hatred and gossip, and focus on my wedding. I couldn't. My husband and I ended up eloping in August and my parents were a big reason why.
The start of this year and the divorce was finalized. My mom claimed she wasn't interested in dating for a long while, that she wanted to be independent. My dad starts getting into the dating scene, and almost shortly after my mom starts seeing a guy that she had been friends with for a number of years. My sister and I have our suspicions that he was one of the many factors for her leaving.
I personally do not like this man. He is awkward on a social level (understandable and fine) but something about him straight creeps me out. I have never been able to figure out what it was but I do not think he is good for my mom. He is needy, likes to be told what to do, likes to be coddled, and has a severe temper (to the point he threatened suicide because he was being moved off from coaching a little league team due to his tempers on the field). They have been dating officially since maybe February or March. They split off for about a month after the little league debacle, and in that time my mom attempted online dating and hated it. Her and C ultimately got back together and then, about a month ago, he proposed to her while they were visiting her family for a funeral. I found out this last Saturday.
I have been married for barely 3 months and now my mom is engaged. She called me and I couldn't be happy for her. I tried but I really couldn't. I don't like this man and I don't like how soon it is. I don't know what to tell her because I know how awful it is not to have people rejoice in your happiness. Am I the asshole for not celebrating her engagement with her?
TL;DR: my mom recently got divorced and is now engaged to a man that I don't like and who I don't think is right for her. AITA for not celebrating with her?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QCw4aKh7X65NJM3VizPNAa8evdbDe1ux | amj9kk | {
"description": "getting annoyed and yelling at my roomate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting annoyed and yelling at my roomate? | I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. Me and my roomate, let’s call him Jorge, we’re hanging and playing games until my second roomate got home and asked to use the switch to purchase something.
I said sure, and pause the game to exit, and the game I paused instantly. I was like “oops” and went to pause it again and the same thing happened. Then I realized it was Jorge, so I just told home “Dude stop that” and he kept doing it. I said “Fine I can just do this”, and closed the game and handed the controller over to my other roomate.
I then proceeded to tell him :”Man I hate when people keep pressing buttons and shit when you’re telling them to stop and they just don’t and say they didn’t press anything”
At this point Jorge decided to freak: “I never fucking said I wasn’t pressing anything did I? Get over yourself dude “ and began to spit obscenities at me, which got me very frustrated and I reciprocated.
I just wanna know, did I do something wrong besides get mad that he was insulting me? I know that was uncalled for but it was just a defense mechanism.
He gives me a lot of crap and the moment he gets a little offended by anything he freaks, so give it to me straight, who’s the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
8YGej6HbZr18mOV15t9PUR6jeQ1aXPWe | ak557t | null | AITA for how I've treated this guy over the years? | So this shit started all the way back in 2016. I met some people my age online, and we got really close, and even planned to meet up at points. One of these guys was named "Johnny". Now Johnny is gay, and nobody else in the group is, which wouldn't be a problem except that he would constantly hit on us and make sexual remarks. Because of that we sort of memed him as a pedophile, and did photoshops of him in Free Candy vans, and the like, though he didnt seem bothered. He is also a huge drama queen,
He also does music stuff that, while I've tried to enjoy, is not very good. One of the meaner guys in the group started a trend of making troll accounts and shitposting on his YouTube comments, which I joined in on, and which still goes on from time to time today.
Anyway, me and Johnny became rather close, despite his sometimes creepy behavior, and we talked outside of gaming, about real heavy shit, and all of the sudden he kicked me from his group and blocked me, apparently because I spoiled a movie for him. I tried reasoning with him, and when that didn't work, I got enraged. I basically went on a months long crusade against him. I also did those troll YouTube comments, though they were much harsher and crueler in nature.
I called him the most horrible things I knew, and since he was a notorious trashtalker, I ruined his friendships with the guys that he talked trash about. 4 months after he blocked me out of nowhere, only about 2 people talked to him anymore, and when he tried to make up, I shot him down pretty rudely tbh, and he sort of drifted away. He stopped gaming with us, and I didn't hear much from him. Anyway, last month he joined a group chat I was in, and we sort of made up. We were on speaking terms until another guy pissed him off and mass blocked all of us, after which me and the rest swarmed his comments again.
Anyway, I feel kinda bad for what I did to him, and that's why I've been trying to not lay it on him too hard, but am I the asshole here, or is he? I'm not the first friend he's thrown away randomly to be honest. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
YMVYzmxwwnIQHl1Nf3xi8zkuyiOrahWF | avqfia | {
"description": "cancelling on a friend to stay in",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for cancelling on a friend to stay in? | The other night a friend and I had plans to go to ballet together since I dropped her class (had feelings for her, she had a bf so I removed myself from the situation, later became friends) and we hadn't actually finished our choreography.
We were working on a duet project before I switched classes and had decided we wanted to finish the project in our own time using the studio on off days when we were free.
Anyways the day comes and I call telling her I can't make it because I don't have the energy to get out of bed. She gets mad at me saying how we'd been planning this for two weeks since it was our only mutually free day this month.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
KxaDD2i4F69aUGfzmRrR4XohE4JcUPWs | anyxaq | {
"description": "having a problem with my wife and her sister renting a pony for my daughter's bday, but not wanting to tell me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for having a problem with my wife and her sister renting a pony for my daughter's bday, but not wanting to tell me | Wife and I just got into a fight because I heard her and our daughter on the phone with SIL and SIL says "I've got a surrrrprrriiiiise for you for your birthday!!!!!"
​
I gave my wife a curious look and she said she'd tell me later.
​
Daughter goes to bed, wife proceeds to tell me that her sister has rented a pony for OUR kids birthday party, at OUR house.
​
This bothers me on 2 levels. The first being: Why wasn't I included in this decision/discussion...? I feel like this is something that should have at least been mentioned to me before it was decided upon? Am I the asshole for getting upset that my opinion wasn't even considered?
​
The second thing though: I feel like this is a GROSS overstepping of SIL. This isn't some cheap little thing, renting an animal for a party can cost a bit as far as I know, and to me, this is something usually the PARENTS of the child would do... This really isn't the first over step by SIL either though, and I really don't ever get to say anything because wife makes me feel like the asshole. Last year I lost it because SIL wanted to get my daughter her first bike (mind you, that was her 2nd birthday). That's something WE do, as the parents. I feel like I'm constantly in competition with SIL and it pisses me off... Am I being irrational? Am I the asshole?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
4K4jPmU538UUtDQr9gp8N3x5dq5F3EuH | am8inh | {
"description": "something saying I already had this present when I was 7",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for something saying I already had this present when I was 7 | This just pops into my head every now and then so I’m posting here to ease my conscience with other people’s opinion.
So about 10 years ago on my my birthday (let’s call this person daxter) daxter got me a toy, I already had the toy so I went to my parents about it and they told to tell him
The next day back at school daxter came up to me and gave me a joke book as my present instead (it was pretty good), I never knew why but as he walked up to his big sibling I saw him/her cry,
now I was never a rude kid, I had no idea if daxter stubbed his toe on her/his way to his big sister or if it had something to do with my present.
I do believe it maybe wasn’t my fault because I never found out the reason behind it and never saw a reason why | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1QFmUO2bNdbuzdh0FidpLpsFreltQSsq | b4fc4a | {
"description": "telling my neice to be quiet",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | WIBTA if i told my neice to be quiet? | So my birthday is coming up and my niece is generally very loud and i wouldnt want to get annoyed by her a bunch while having my birthday because its my special day, WIBTA if i told her to "shut up"? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
gPqQOwuGI5NPrT10aNwMXpjTSnM5CWsh | anokp3 | {
"description": "ending a relationship the day after it's begun",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA to end a relationship the day after it’s begun? |
(im in high school btw)
So ive got a friend, call him R. We’ve been friends for about 8 or so months now. He used to be absolutely crazy in love with this girl, and i helped him through the rejection. This was about 3 ish months ago.
Just yesterday, R asked me to go out on a date with him on saturday, to which I agreed. I didn’t really think about my decision, it’s just been a long while since I’ve dated anyone. So I said yes.
He spent the rest of the day being very up in my personal space, which really didn’t like. Then, later, during our show’s rehearsal (he’s an actor, I’m stage manager) he was acting super unprofessional (which is a weird thing to complain about for a school show but i like to be taken seriously).
He sent me a text almost confessing that he’s in love with me, and im VERY uncomfortable with that, considering it’s been less than a day.
To add to all of this, I’ve been having a bit of a sexuality crisis. I used to identify as bisexual but now that I’ve “experienced” dating a guy, I fear I might be just a lesbian. It’s just super confusing and it’s got my head in a million different places.
Now I’ve had some time to mull over thw situation, and I don’t think I want to pursue a relationship with R. WIBTA to break it off immediately? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
OoRdGLOfiF6rq1UlTuK0iZcphFTBC7gL | a37968 | {
"description": "bringing up my suicide attempt",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for bringing up my suicide attempt | So, I only bring this up in limited circumstances. I suffer from psychosis. Basically, psychosis sucks. I wouldn't wish it on someone I hate, including someone who makes fun of psychosis, because a reality where people think it is a lighthearted subject is probably better than one where people are able to understand the full weight of it. That said, some people conflate psychosis with evil. If you don't believe me, picture someone describing a truly evil act and someone in the group going "now that's just psychotic". If you have ever observed or said that, you have observed or said that someone who is psychotic is evil. Now this, obviously, isn't the case. When I hear someone say something like this, my first move is usually to gently point someone in the direction that psychosis != evil, describing diagnostic criteria, and how paranoia and delusions aren't inherently evil things. If they continue arguing, I often bring up my own psychosis and how a fear that the world wouldn't accept a psychotic person (mass shooting fears, visceral reaction to the word 'psychotic', etc) and the very word would ruin my life, well, caused me to try to kill myself. I woke up in a mental hospital and it's been a few years since then, but, well... AITA? I mean, I know usually oversharing and bringing up a suicide attempt is usually considered over the top, pandering, or what have you. I understand why I'm the asshole if I bring it up willy nilly. But I really mean, in this circumstance, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fuP4j8ZwkpwenjHqALjQRzOInCfCpBqy | aj3sah | {
"description": "getting mad and hurt at my husband for trying to be a good son/grandson/great grandson",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad and hurt at my husband for trying to be a good son/grandson/great grandson? | Before we got married (4.5 years ago) we agreed to take care of each other’s parents when the time came. Unfortunately we did not discuss grandparents and great-grandparents, and that is what we are running into.
We had our first kid almost a year ago, and I’ve struggled with some PPD. My husband works full time in a high stress job, and I work part time at an hourly job.
My MIL watches our son two days a week for five-six hours a day. She does it for free. When she’s not watching our son, she’s taking care of her grandma (93) or helping FIL with his farm (they’re divorced but back together). She does have other seasonal work, though that is done for now. FIL has helped with some projects around the house and has even paid for some smaller projects completely (usually as a Christmas or anniversary gift). Both of FIL’s parents are alive (83 and 85) and are starting to have some problems.
ALL of these people love my husband, are (mostly) kind to me, and absolutely adore my son. They do not want bad things for any of us, but none of them have boundaries with each other so that is what they expect of us. I also do not want to cut off ties with any of them- I just want healthy boundaries and some breathing room.
Because of all the things they have done/do, my MIL and FIL expect and now somewhat rely on my husband to help with their respective parents/grandparent on a regular (though random) basis. This has greatly effected mine and husband’s relationship, which is already going through normal new parent ups and downs.
If we didn’t have our son, I wouldn’t care as much, but now it’s taken my husband away from us on his days off, eaten up his time in the evening, and even used up some of my husband’s limited sick/vacation days- that I feel should be saved for sick baby days or other things like that. Also, my husband’s physical health has been negatively effected by this.
If it was once a week or a couple times a month that we could plan around/prepare for, I’d be much less upset about it but his parents are so last minute and don’t communicate well so this is really not an option unless my husband really sticks to his guns about boundaries. To be fair, husband has gotten better from when we first got married, but since we’ve had our son and his grandparents health issues have increased, it’s gotten out of control again (or at least that’s how I feel)
Two weeks ago, we made a rule together that we will not answer calls/texts from 5:00PM-7:00PM because that’s “family time”. Husband gets home around 4:30 and baby goes to bed around 7:00, and we go to bed around 10:00, so there are plenty of other times to talk to whomever.
About every other evening, a family member of his has called in this two-hour time period, and EVERY SINGLE TIME husband asks me if he can answer it. I HATE that I have to tell him no- so I don’t, but I do get mad about it and tell him that it hurts me that he can’t just be “ours” for two hours a day, and that I have to be the bad guy even though we both agreed to this.
So not only are our evenings CONSTANTLY interrupted, all of his free time is being used up by grandparent appointments, or helping his parents with something or other, or being on the phone with one of them OFTEN (more than daily). There is NOT a day that goes by that is not in some way effected by his family. I am overwhelmed.
This is just the shortened version of it, so there is more at play here but I’m really trying to stick to facts and be fair.
It’s driving me crazy and really hurting me for me and my son. I just want to move far away from his family at this point. But I don’t want to be the wedge between my husband and his family in an unhealthy way, so If I’m in the wrong and not being sensitive enough or fair enough, please tell me! AITA??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jnot4UMRWNMgtXpCSQXUmtYbg0edI0iU | b77gfu | {
"description": "ignoring my mother",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring my mother | I have had a very strained relationship with my mother my entire life. (I’m 35)
I was an accident that occurred during the height of her hoe phase in college.
It’s only by the grace of God that I’m not severely damaged because she partied and did hard drugs for the first six months of her pregnancy ( in her defense she didn’t know and stopped as soon as she found out.)
She left me to be raised by my great grandparents with the occasional stint at her house, but I was always sent back if it didn’t suit her girlfriend at the time to have a fully formed child around.
When I was 15 she met a woman who I thought was great at first. She turned out to be a (formally diagnosed) narcissist that made my life a living hell from then until I finally went no contact 2 years ago. She threw my very medically frail mother out with nowhere to go. So I took her in trying to help her. She stayed on the phone fighting with her ex so much that she got kicked out of my neighborhood due to neighbor complaints. I helped her get somewhere else to go and not long after that I lost my job and place to stay.
I ended up having to move in with my ex husband for a while which was pure hell and then I got sick. Uterine cancer.
She begged me to come move in with her so she could “take care of me” and I tried everything in my power to not move in with her, but even though in have a good job, it wasn’t enough for me to live on my own at first because i had to be out of work for 3 surgeries back to back to get the cancer out and be cleared. (I have an all clear from the oncologist, I’m just on surveillance to make sure I stay clear)
So I move in with her and shortly afterwards I noticed her and her ex are all friendly on the phone. So I started asking her when they were getting back together. She denied it, but a week before the surgery to remove my lymph nodes she tells me that she’s moving to Texas to be with her ex THE DAY AFTER MY SURGERY.
I was livid. She said if I needed her after surgery she’s get on a bus and come right back. I told her she made her choice and to stay gone when she left. She left me the day after surgery when I was in so much pain that I felt like I was being ripped apart because they gave me OxyContin and it wasn’t working. I asked for something different and they wouldn’t give me anything else because “OxyContin is the strongest painkiller “ t I also developed pneumonia because I was in too much pain to get up and walk, so I went to the ER and they gave me a cillin drug when it is all over my chart that I’m allergic.
She still got up and left.
She went to Texas and her own health went to hell, Now she keeps texting me telling me about her having to be on dialysis and tonight she’s in the hospital in terrible shape. Her blood pressure is low in one arm and high in the other her urine is black and smells weird and she can’t walk across the room.
After 35 years of being an afterthought, AITA for maintaining no contact in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LiJZeg36GQUWgwr3o0uDIvGG0Iuq5mQv | arcb3y | {
"description": "telling a lunch room full of kids that Harry Potter isn't real",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for telling a lunch room full of kids that Harry Potter isn't real? | If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I'm a realist. I don't pretend that anything is what it is clearly not, and don't subscribe to any mainstream "fantasies". For this reason, Harry Potter p***** me off. Everybody walks around like it's the gospel truth and I'm over here like... are you serious?
SO...
I go to school in a small town so all the grades are in one school. The younger grades always eat lunch first, and the older grades (me) go after them. As usual, the idiots in my class are discussing something related to Harry Potter and it's making me want to plug my ears so fricking hard.
Then, I have an idea. I realize that these people in my grade who still believe in fake stuff at this age only do so because no one ever stopped and told them that they're wrong. It's really not their fault, no matter how much I'd like to blame them for it.
Because I'm a good person who wants to make humanity a better place, I think about ways to improve society a lot. That is why this next idea came easy for me: I'm going to tell the kids in the grades below me that Harry Potter isn't real.
I know what you're thinking: tell them that Santa Claus isn't real or something that will make it so they don't grow up spoiled blah blah blah. But guess what? Most kids are smarter than you give them credit for, they already know Santa isn't real. Most parents are dumber than you give them credit for, which is why we have generation after generation who think Harry Potter is real, courtesy of Mommy and Daddy story hour.
With all of this being said, here's where the potential a$$h013 part comes in, according to some people I told about it. I asked to go to the bathroom but I actually went all the way to the lunch room, opened the door, and yelled word for word, "HARRY POTTER IS NOT REAL, I REPEAT, HARRY POTTER IS NOT REAL. YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO BY JK ROWLAN, YOUR PARENTS, TEACHERS, CLASSMATES, LIBRARIANS, EVERYBODY. I ENCOURAGE YOU TO START THINKING FOR YOURSELF NOW THAT YOU HAVE THIS INFORMATION." I wanted to start listing science books that they should read instead but one of the teachers monitoring the lunch room put his hands on my shoulders and walked me into the hallway. He didn't call me an a$$h013 but he might as well have because he called my mom and she was really mad even after I explained to her that I was trying to do a good thing.
Personally I don't regret my decision at all, but what do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
PoQZssoZoPkZNxhDQBxpUb3ta6WExDTM | b6sezn | {
"description": "blocking her phone number",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITAH for blocking her phone number? | I have an aquaintence I made last summer in a theatre program. I'm an older teenager, and I honestly think she's like.. 12.
I absolutely remember being 12, I remember how cringey I was and really regret it but what can you do. This girl is very 12... You know, young enough to pretend she's an animal but old enough to have big words to describe it. She growls at people, hisses and like.. does this Batman voice to sound intimidating, and is also a theatre kid so it naturally eccentric.
She's not a bad kid at all. Just a little... Young and unaware of how awkward she is. But I wouldn't call her a friend of mine. Just an acquaintance. I gave my phone number to someone in cedar so they could help me with one of the dances. This girl, for times sake, I'll call her M talk to this friend who got my number, and asked that friend for my number. Said friend did not even ask my permission. Said friend just gave it to her. I got a text from M, and it said
'hey I got your phone number from so-and-so, it's M!'
And I was a little pissed that so-and-so didn't ask if they could give M my number, but I wasn't about to tell her off. She's not a bad kid by any means.
But she's one of those kids who is really social, I am not, even texting kind of drains me. But being a gen z kid, of course I have awful anxiety. I can't really do phonecalls outside of family. But this girl constantly asks for phonecalls and stuff at nearly absurd hours of the night. (Usually around 7:30) and I called her twice and have made it clear "I'm not big into phone calls". She'll text me for or five times in a row and text me random shit to get my attention until I respond. I think she eventually learned 'i may or may not be at my phone all the time, But even if I am I don't respond immediately I'm sending me many texts at a time isn't going to make that happen faster.' eventually she would wait it out. And bring up topics I wasn't too interested. And I really tried to stay invested. I really did. But we just weren't into the same things and it was hard to tell her that I really just wasn't all that interested in conversation.
She was usually really good about asking before calling me, but this afternoon is the fourth time in a row she's done it without asking first. I've justified it as 'I can't be considered and emergency contact in any case. There's no way' and things like that, but I got sick and tired of it and just blocked her number...
I feel bad, she's sweet, she's young and naive and insanely talented in theatre don't get me wrong... But I don't feel like I was entirely in the right. I just really want an outside opinion on this...
AITAH for blocking her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
msKU6qKnVEzgyMB4kOTEtAfjQ2XFV2MX | b8pvr8 | {
"description": "not moving on easily after my Bf sends his dog back to the shelter",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not moving on easily after my Bf sends his dog back to the shelter | Fist I want to apologize for any spelling errors. English is not my first language!
My best friend [M/18]
Two years ago his mother died + he has messed up relationship with his father
(Important for the story later)
A few months ago my best friend said he thought about adopting a dog from an animal shelter.
I love dogs. Given the fact that my best friend lives about 5 minutes away from me I was going nuts about the idea and offered him my help with any problems that might occur.
I was making it clear from the start that this would be his dog and I was only there if he needed help.
The dog he wanted to adopt lived in an animal shelter relatively far away. It was an 2 hour drive and given the fact that we both don't have an own car it was a real hassle to visit the dog (Lucky).
We proceeded to visit the dog over a span of 3 month. Then a few weeks ago he had the opportunity to take the dog home.
He got all the things you need for a dog.
I got time off work and we drove there to get the dog.
The next day I was planning to do some shopping with a good friend of mine. I was convinced that my friend and Lucky would proceed to get to know each other.
Or so I thought. My best friend had other plans he left his newly adopted dog ALONE at his apartment to go shopping with us.
That was my first no go. The second no go came shortly after. At approximately 10 pm he texted me:
"I have the feeling I can not handle this situation and I think the dog probably doesn't like it here as well. And I can't leave him alone that long.”
The next day he texted me that he wants to bring the dog back to shelter.
I was furious.
He had more than 3 month to think about his decision to adopt a dog. Family and friends were all asking if he can handle it and he always was really self-confident that he can handle everything.
First I thought he was joking but he indeed send the dog back to the shelter.
Now I'm questioning what he expected when he tried to adopt a dog.That he didn't need to invest a lot of time and money into the dog?
For me in this situation he was like a brat that wanted a puppy for Christmas and then abandoned it the moment they notice how much work a dog can be.
After my text he noticed how angry I was and send me a voice message crying about the situation with his family and he doesn't want our friendship to suffer because of this.
Instead of thinking about Lucky he immediately started to do damage control so he can proceed with his everyday life.
After two weeks of no contact he then texted me asking if I wanted to go out watch a movie. He just ignored everything that just had happened.
AITA for not moving on that easily and ignoring his invites to go out? Should I be more understanding and apologize for ignoring him?
He is one of my best friends but in the last time I notice more and more things that I can't stand about him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
h7TiR8ctJMaMdLXb74cvGeXXxDEflgFN | akr1rg | {
"description": "not being happy when my friend dated",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because i cant be happy when my friend dated? | So, my friend, lets call her Annie, was dumped be her boyfriend, but after a conversation, they agreed to be in a open relationship.
She started using Tinder, something that i was already doing for some time, but i was not being lucky. Then she told me that she started talking with a programmer (i'm one too), and coincidentally i had matched with him too, but havent started a conversation.
Annie was apparently very happy to hear that, she told me that all the time they were talking, she was thinking that he would be a good match for me, then proceed to say that i was perfect for him, that i should talk to him, that he was nice and all.
After hours of her insistence (I did not wanted to talk to him after she and he had talked and done well.) I talked to him, now full of expectations to finally talk to someone nice.
The next day, Annie tells me that she was going out with him, but just as friends. Me and her had booked to meet later, and when I went to meet her, they were making out. Next day she went to sleep in his home and fucked him. She told me that she does not intend to have a relationship with him, since she is already in one (despite having told him that she was single).
I have no intention of going out with someone my friend has dated, first because i dont feel confortable and i dont wanna to make things strange, and second because she has one very contagious STD.
I was really annoyed that she had created me expectations and then decided to go out with him, without any kind of warning. I had no intention of talking to him, but she pressed me so much that I decided to take a chance, only to later she go to fuck him. I dont understand why she did It, and i dont feel confortable talking about that with her.
I just wanted to feel happy for her, because she is having fun and feeling beautiful again, after the hard relationship that she is in, but i cant because i'm feeling betrayed, and i'm feeling very bad about that. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
ptxgmDw1FI8Ia8Mz4eQsDHTHXBJrSoOH | au5ljz | {
"description": "not wanting to drive my boyfriend to work Everyday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not Wanting To Drive My Boyfriend To Work Everyday? | So a little backstory:
We took a trip to Glenwood Springs and on our way there he got his license taken away and a whole shitstorm of legal frustration. I blame myself but he says he doesn’t.
My Dilemma:
My boyfriend’s only decent job is 50-60 mins away from home. he has to be at the job site somewhere in Thornton. I am a senior in high school going to a technical school in the morning that is 20 minutes in the same(ISH) direction. I live 10 minutes away from him, his house being somewhat on the way. I’d have to leave super early in order to be able to clock in everyday at school at 7:20 or earlier or else i’m counted 30 minutes late.
I can barely be on time as it is, and I’m tired by lunch, But he wants me to drive him everyday. Am I the asshole for not wanting to drive him? He’s currently just getting unemployment from them since they lay off their workers in the winter and it still keeps snowing and he still has no ride. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Qzd5cVnsHUyelRVv7S53eBspoLjBVwZ8 | aueje1 | {
"description": "forcing my pizza delivery person to walk up 4 flights of stairs to deliver my food by threatening to tip poorly",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for forcing my pizza delivery person to walk up 4 flights of stairs to deliver my food by threatening to tip poorly? | So I live in an apartment building with 5 floors and a broken elevator. There is a freight elevator operator but overall it’s a hassle to get up and down to my room. I ordered pizza for like the third time this week cuz I’m too lazy to cook. Laziness is important for this story.
I ordered the pizza and the guy called me when he got to my building. He told me he was really busy and that it would help him if I came downstairs to pick it up. I did not want to leave my apartment so I essentially told him “I can come down and get the pizza but I’m not gonna tip/only tip a dollar or you can bring it up and I’ll give you 5$.”
I have a bit of an asshole personality but I was kinda just bantering with the guy and instantly said what popped in my head. The guy decided to walk up and get the extra 4$. I didn’t think much of this exchange til I mentioned to my buddy (who I live with) and his gf. They thought I was an asshole. I’m kinda on the fence, I can see why someone would think I was a dick but I feel like if anything the delivery guy should have never put me in that situation lol. Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
82SHVTKbEcwY3x6ulKHj2qSyHlGAtj4G | aszbyn | {
"description": "beginning to lose feelings for a girl",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Beginning to Lose Feelings For A Girl? | (My first post so please go easy on me)
​
So I've had a crush on this girl I've known for years(Call her Q). Last summer I was pushing myself to tell her my feelings,(especially after at a summer camp, a girl who I thought was out of my league showed feelings for me and I messed it up because Q was on my mind) and we ended up holding hands. Although neither of us have verbally told each other, because of the thing that happened at the summer camp my confidence is a bit higher.
​
I'm starting to realize that other girls probably might have feelings for me. In particular I'm getting better at taking hints. Problem is I still have feelings for her. But being away from her has made me rethink a lot of things. And I'm starting to wish that we had just stayed friends.
​
It's been on mind ever since I saw the girl from summer camp again and spoke to her. I don't know.
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
MIzymmhtlEC3ZdmPJjbbcvXrsJIC5VOM | akof4n | {
"description": "not contributing money to my uncle's memorial after I said I would while at his funeral",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not contributing money to my uncle's memorial after I said I would while at his funeral? | Posting from a throwaway since the cousin in question here is on reddit.
I'll have to do some backstory but don't worry I will try to keep it short. I had a Great Uncle (grandpa's brother) who was essentially the "cool" patriarch of our family. We called him Tio. Everyone in the family adored him since he rode motorcycles, surfed until he died (he was 65) and dated college girls and strippers. But he was also beyond generous with both his time and money. He never had a family of his own but I cannot stress enough that he was the core of the family that everyone loved.
So he was tragically killed in a motorcycle crash back in the fall. It was literally standing room only at his funeral with his family, military, surfing and motorcycle friends. He was probably closest to my cousin so at the funeral and wake my cousin was telling everyone he'd like to do a roadside memorial at the spot of my uncle's crash and he'd like to take donations to help him along. I was pretty much like everyone else and I think we all agreed (but it was very much in the heat of the moment of mourning if that makes sense).
So fast forward to the end of January, my cousin's roadside memorial has morphed into a project that has cost him about $20,000. He's had to get permits from the county which have to be reapplied for every 3 or 4 years because it takes up a bit of the right-of-way. As part of this, my cousin is currently fighting with the DA to get my uncle's motorcycle returned so he can chop it up and make the memorial out of it. He's taken welding classes, rented workshop space and bought crazy amount of materials in addition to trying to get the crashed motorcycle back. In addition to all of this, he wants everyone in the family to commit to one Saturday every other month (meaning someone will show up every Saturday) to clean trash and polish the memorial.
I know he was close with my uncle but I think when all of us agreed to this, we were thinking it might be a like a cross or part of Tio's surfboard that was going to be at my cousin's house. Not a $20,000 roadside memorial on one of the busiest highways on the way to the beach.
My cousin just fired out an angry email basically saying that the 11 of us who outright agreed need to "pony up immediately" and the rest of the family who sort of agreed need to search their soul and find the strength to do the right thing to honor Tio. That means my part in this is almost $2000 dollars. I would have to go into credit card debt for it. And there's nothing saying the cost won't keep going up.
Why I might be an asshole: I absolutely agreed to this, as did most everyone in the family. It is on me for not asking for details about how big and elaborate this memorial was going to get. My uncle was a great guy in his life and we as a family should honor his memory.
Why I might not be the asshole: my cousin should have told us what he had in mind as we agreed to help him with the memorial. It's not fair for me to pay for his welding classes and shop space and it's absolutely not fair that the cost of this project keeps going up and up and that I'm expected to commit my time (I guess forever?) to maintain a memorial I had no hand in choosing where it would go, what it would be and how long it would last.
So with this backstory and those two options; am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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ToT6MfjOIn9fR7qgHoxSRMYOIflwOu2P | adx6ui | {
"description": "being genuinely exhausted and mad at my wife for refusing to get her drivers license",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being genuinely exhausted and mad at my wife (31) for refusing to get her drivers license. | I will try to keep it short but with all the details
My wife is a good person, and pretty hard working in regards to work life balance. She works from home.
I have implored through our 10 years together that she needs to get her DL. This is something she hasnt gotten because of fear or dying in a fiery crash ( she has never been in a crash. With me or with her previous partner)
For the first 6 years of our relationship we could barely afford 1 car much less 2. So i never really pushed for her to have a drivers license , just mentioned it occasionally.
For the last 2 years ive noticed the increasing need of her needing it. I commute 400 miles a week for work and usually have to run errands when i get home or on the weekend.
Recently I hurt my back and even admist the injury where i could not walk. I had to drive for groceries and or D.r. appointments hers and my children.
This time has really made me angry and bitter really at the fact that she refuses to be more independent. And its sadly making me notice a lot of other things, like how she won't do basic adulting and relies on me a lot for it. I guess its my fualt though because i used to like being the go to person but this situation is making me realize that she is really dependent on me.
Every time i bring up the conversation i am met with the notion that maybe we are not good for each other. I know such a dramatic response is charged by the past. Where she feels guilty for secretly racking up $20k in credit card debt. And me being constantly stressed about getting out of that hole. And maybe being pissed about it too frequently.
Long story to say...... AITA for being pissed as fuck for her not taking the exam. And bringing it up frequently | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 24,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
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} | RIGHT |
VnGFkIePqyeUqEDsOiwYeMhrMoQYfJc2 | ao4x65 | {
"description": "not over-thanking for a thoughtful, but relatively small gesture",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not over-thanking for a thoughtful, but relatively small gesture? | A neighbor of mine went to a sports event for a team that I have ties to, and brought me some (free to him--he worked the venue) stadium cups. This is how the interaction went:
Him: hey, I have some stadium cups from (place) for you.
Me: oh, how thoughtful, thank you! I'll try to grab them when I'm walking (dog) this weekend.
We never connected, which is my fault...I honestly did forget. About a week later he texted me letting me know that he was gonna drop them in my mailbox.
Me: oh thank you! Sorry I never got down to pick them up. I love them, thank you so much!
Later
Him: um...did you get the cups or not??
Me: yes, I did! I'm sorry, I thought you knew I grabbed them before I texted you back. Thanks again for thinking of me!
He didn't respond to that.
Now I've heard from another neighbor that I was "rude and ungrateful."
Hm. These are free plastic cups, and I've thanked him 3 times. What exactly was he expecting? Was a thank you card necessary for something like this? Balloons? Fireworks? A parade?
But seriously, I feel like now maybe I should have sent him a thank you card, but then when does it stop? Do I then get upset and complain to the neighborhood that I didn't get a thank you card back for my thank you card? I mean come on...I don't have that kind of energy, plus I'm a reasonably rational human being. So instead I'm posting here to hopefully get validation from internet strangers that I'm not a jerk.
tl;dr
When does the vicious cycle of thanking end? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
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} | RIGHT |
ux6gqeqhQXS8CKdioeM2K3Tf9xLCP9bg | akfbxj | {
"description": "demanding that my mom delete a post about me",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for demanding that my mom delete a post about me? | So a little before I start, this is going to be quite a short one (sorry). The post only got ten likes before it was deleted, and mom just shrugged me off. Btw, a kigurumi is an oversized onesie that almost always resembles some kind of animal.
Sidenote: yelling=talking harshly
I recently got a kigurumi for Christmas from my mom and only got around to wear it about a week ago, mom found it quite amusing and I posed for several pictures. She then said "this is going on Facebook!" or something like that, i immediately objected with a: "no, no, nope, you're not doing that", basically begging her not to do it.
She is, let's just say, mildly stubborn, so of course she posted it anyways. I don't usually go on Facebook so I had no idea until today when my mom said "look! You've got ten likes on this!", i began at once to basically yell at her for going against my wishes and invading my privacy (or something like that).
She did end up deleting the picture after I yelled at her to never do that again.
I don't know if I overreacted or if my mom was in the wrong,or both, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Svnii6HQypsu2SLT1WJC6EhhpXnRG02V | b433c9 | {
"description": "reporting my flatmate to the housing agency that she lives here with her boyfriend, when its forbidden",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I report my flatmate to the housing agency that she lives here with her boyfriend, when its forbidden | I got a new flatmate from the housing agency and she lives 90% of the time with her boyfriend here. In the rules it is stated that only one person can live in this room. So I dont have any problems if they weren’t so noisy sometimes. The walls are really thin and I can almost always hear them laughing or talking which really wakes me up sometimes. Like I dont wanna be an asshole, but would I be if I reported them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
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"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RXVNNGZsyo8tj0Wg3jf9IWxVV17UD81k | am8we4 | {
"description": "possibly putting an end to the start of a relationship between my ex and one of my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for possibly putting an end to the start of a relationship between my ex and one of my best friend? |
Hello, before I start my story, I just want to point out that I’m Danish, so English isn’t my first language so I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes, also this is a long story, TL-DR in bottom, thank you.
This happened some time ago, but I’ve had a bad feeling about it ever since.
**People involved:** (all names have been altered)
**Fray:** My ex. She’s blond, kind of short and good looking, she’s a bit nerdy and the type to say sorry to a fly after she squashed it she has the “cute girl next door” look.
**Mark:** My friend. He’s tall has dark hair and glasses, he’s very funny a bit dorky but one of my very best friends. He’s a country boy and usually dresses more practically then anything else.
**Michael:** Me. I’m blond, average height, pretty good looking (if I do say so myself) though rather skinny and usually wear a dress shirt and some nice pants.
**Background:**
Frey, Mark and I all started in the same class some years ago. Mark and I quickly became friends as we have the same kind of humour. The first time I talked to Fray was in German, we had to work in groups, Fray and I were paired. a bit later we got to catch up at a preparty and ended op kissing at most of the night at the party the day after I really didn’t know what to text her as I had only been in one previous relationship, while I was pondering she ended up texting me a bit later we ended up discussing what we actually where, after being asked by almost all of the school, we came to the conclusion that she would like to be my girlfriend and I would very much like to be her boyfriend.
Just before we began in school my little sister was diagnosed with cancer and she was in the hospital for over 9 months only coming home a handful of times. It really took a toll on me and I got kind of depressed thought I did my best to hide it from everyone, I hate talking about my problems and didn’t want to make it even harder for my parents or my little brother if they also had to worry about me. Fray was exactly what I needed, finally something good happens to me. I don’t know if it really played a role, but I thought I would include it just in case.
The relationship for the next long time went great, she loved me, and I loved her more then anything, until she ended it. I followed her to her bus almost every day (a 20-minute walk) there we could talk, complain about school, hold hands and I could get a goodbye kiss. One day she wouldn’t hold my hand, she kept her hands in her pockets, I didn’t think anything of it as it was cold. The day after that again she wouldn’t hold my hand and I could the something was bothering her, but she wouldn’t tell me what, when her bus came, I said “goodbye, I love you” as I always did, her response? “mmhhmm” this broke my heart, it wasn’t a big deal but damnit that hurt. The day after our school held a large party (the same kind that we hooked up at) and I hosted a preparty at my house for the class, she would avoid me the whole day I just drank some more and tried to have fun. When we got home to me after the party and went to bed, she would lie almost over the edge of the bed aka. As far away from me as possible. By this time, I had begun to see what was coming and just wishing she would just rip the bandage off and get it over with instead of this torture. The next morning, she said we had to talk and she broke up, she began crying so I did my best to comfort her while dying inside I send her on her way home and just sat thinking why she broke up, she never gave me a reason, so I felt I was something I had done or said but I couldn’t think of anything. I had difficulty sleeping as I felt guilty because of whatever I had done, and it didn’t help that I had to see her every day in school. Just to say the breakup was very hard on me, I still loved her, but I knew she didn’t feel the same way anymore.
Time went and I started getting over her. After a rather large party I hosted an after party for a small group of friends, Mark asks me if its okay he invites Fray, I couldn’t see a reason she shouldn’t be aloud to come so of course I say she could. Half an hour after she arrived her and Mark were not to be found anywhere, I had just emptied my last beer, so I headed down to my room to fetch my Gin for a Gin n’ Tonic. Then I open my door the first thing I see is Fray and Mark in my bed, they weren’t doing anything just lying side by side talking, I didn’t know what to do so I just said hey got my liquor and went op to the others. I know I wasn’t a lot, but it really got to me seeing my ex, with my best friend, in my bed, the same bed I used to be with her in. some days later another good friend told me he saw it too and asked what I thought about it.
I noticed them beginning to talk each other more and more I school, I even felt happy for them both.
**Now to the reason I write this in the first place.**
some time ago I got invited to a small house party by one of the girls in the class, she lives in the country and I in the middle of the city so it was a good bit away so I arrange with my mother that she would drive me home when I called, she was happy to do so but of course it would take some time. All the girls invited arrived a couple of hours before so they would have some girl time before the guys came, but as the only dude Mark was also invited to come early, I thought it was strange but maybe transport would be easier if he came early. When I arrive, I was greeted by everyone with a hug, apart from Mark and Frey as Fray had leached on to Marks arm, I give him a handshake and a pad on the shoulder. The party went smoothly and it was fun to let loose, talk and play drinking games with all the others. Most of the party leave early and take a taxi to the dance club, I can barely eat with a fork let alone dancing especially drunk, so I thought Id stay a bit see what happens and maybe call my mother soon. We ended up being only Mark, Fray, the girl who hosted the party and me. We sat in the sofa watching Die hard and eating leftover pizza from earlier and let me tell you Mark and Fray did not watch any of the movie, they were cuddled up exactly the way we always used to when “watching movies” aka. Making out. This really fucking hurt! I called my mom and she came after like half an hour.
It might not true seeing I was drunk, but I swear se glanced at me all the time, I tried to ignore it as I didn’t want to course any drama.
The day after I text Mark something like “Hey, listen I don’t get to say who you can and can not be in a relationship with, but you have to see this from my angle and understand it isn’t easy seeing my ex being together with my best friend. If you really like each other of course you should be allowed to, but damn it hurt watching you and Fray yesterday lying exactly as we used to. I think you deserve to know how I feel and I hope you respect me enough to have this in the back of the head when I am near” he said he was happy I texted him and of course he would.
Since this they slowly stopped talking as much as they did before, I don’t know If I really did end their relationship before it started, however I feel like shit knowing it’s a possibility, so I must ask am I the asshole in this situation?
**TL-DR:**
My long-term girlfriend broke up with me and quickly after start baking on my friend, so I text him that it hurts seeing them together. Since I did, they haven’t talked as much, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
3nryKuVqBs0FhZyVgkeLXw8S1hch4lVC | agcs5p | {
"description": "completely cutting my problematic sister out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for completely cutting my problematic sister out of my life? | I have a sister who's been nothing but trouble the entire time i have known her. Previously i would put my life on hold out of feeling obliged- calling off work, missing class- to deal with her drama that she brought onto herself. And afterwards have it thrown in my face by her.
I havent seen or spoke to her in over 5 years, and even cut off a few other relatives to get away from this toxic relationship.
These past few months she had a pregnancy that ended in a still born (probably related to her drug use/abusive rship), and has been in and out of the psych ward right after. Since then she has been trying to call me, and asked to stop by my house, which i refuse. My family treats and tells me how horrible i am for refusing to be in contact with her, that it'd be good for her mentally after what shes been through. I feel that she should get back in contact with her friends that she talked crap about me with for support (supposedly they all dropped her), we never cliqued and im not going to be fake.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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M5mjVYpp5CZnqwW4NUdJJ6KZoFy7vWlU | b7deiq | {
"description": "not telling my father's family about the real reason he is in a coma",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if i didn't tell my father's family about the real reason he is in a coma? | I wanna preface this by saying that english isn't my native langua and i'm an emotional mess rn so please forgive if there are mistakes or incoherences.
​
My father got admitted into the hospital on thursday by me and my sister and it turns out that his liver is failing and not working anymore.(he also has an irregular heartbeat and his heart rate is way too high.) This is due to his serious alcohol problem he developed over the last 10 years.
He is now in an artificial coma and the doctors say that his survival chance is 50/50.
​
Now obviously we are all concerned and visit him everyday. Today his sister came to visit and stay with us. (she lives about 4 hours away and the one living the closest to us.)
​
His side of the family is very religious and they do not accept alcohol in their culture. No member of his family knows about his problems as it would create useless tension because they all still live in his homecountry which is about 3000km away from us.
​
My mother,sister and i initially agreed not to say anything to them about his alcohol abuse but the thing is that his consumption is the cause of his current state.
I don't feel comfortable just telling them that there is no reason for his liver failure and that it just happened. On the other hand, i don't see the sense in basically trashing a possibly dying person. If he passes i want them to remember them in the best way possible even if it means that they don't know the truth. They are his family and deserve to know the truth but it would probably do more harm than good.
When he survives his whole family would know about his issue and i don't know how they'd react.
I wanna add that he had phases in which he was very abusive to us but he really tried changing. If we told them about his alcohol consumption this probably would come up as well.
​
INFO: Since they don't speak my native language, we also have to translate what the doctors say so i basically lie in their face.
So Reddit,WIBTA if i didn't tell the real reason why he is in a coma and just told them that it happened? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
ZZpWA5S7fY1mjwTl1U3ZYtwQbfzkp6B6 | ba1t8o | {
"description": "telling my friend I do not want to date them due to their weight",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA for telling my friend I do not want to date them due to their weight? | I feel like a bit of a shallow asshole, but physical attraction and intimacy feels like something I need to have in a relationship, and I know sex is also very important for them. They are quite significantly overweight - not quite morbidly obese, but well into obese. There are a few complicating factors.
The first problem comes from the fact that they are probably the best friend I have ever had, and we get along very well. The fact that we are so close is the main reason I'm asking - I want to do everything I can to avoid hurting them, because they don't deserve it.
Secondly, their weight is a sensitive issue. They have taken steps to try to lose it, but it does not seem like they really commit to following through - losing a handful of pounds, then quitting on diet or workout plans. I have tried to offer my help alongside those things, including going to the gym together, but those plans tend to fall through as well.
The third, and probably hardest part, is the fact that we have been physically intimate in the past. A large part of that came from the fact that I had recently existed a relationship wherein I fell out of love with someone, but found difficulty leaving them due to their mental and physical health problems, so we had not been intimate for a long time. After leaving that relationship, I met this friend very soon afterwards, and I was desperate for intimacy but too depressed to seek it out, so things just sort of happened. I realized quickly that I wasn't attracted to obese people, but again, I was in a terrible mental place where I just wanted to feel good. He was in a similar place, only half-jokingly mentioning "using me" to feel better about themselves. We did our thing for a few months, but eventually it just sort of faded away.
​
This has gotten a lot longer than I expected, but to sum it up they have recently been pressuring me about pursuing a relationship, and why I am not willing to despite how well we get on. The truth is that their weight is unattractive, but if I told them that I feel it would hurt them a great deal, but if I told them something else it would be a lie. Obviously, telling them "I will date you if you lose weight" is shitty and manipulative - but is telling them the truth about why I do not want to the same thing? I want to do everything I can to avoid hurting them, but it seems like the only option is dishonesty. Thanks for the perspective. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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HB7kRcgOw3KVPUDQ5OCWNKtdSngXaxOG | ak9ytj | {
"description": "secretly chipping my dog",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If i secretly chipped my dog? | Throw away account, mobile, I'm exhausted excuse the mess. On with the issue...
So mid December my boyfriend and I got a puppy, it was his friends, so there's no papers on who's pet, but I paid for her. $200 to be exact.
We've been fighting alot, and talking about breaking up, he say's he'll take her. Cause his son loves her.
Well so do I! I feed her, take her outside, buy her toys, clean up her accidents.. he helps occasionally but it's mostly me. And I snuggle her, she loves sleeping with me. She loves them but I feel like she's mine.
SOOO, WIBTA if I chipped my pup without telling my boyfriend claiming rights? (I plan on taking her to the vet next month.) or does that not even how it works.
Thanks for reading! | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | INFO | {
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TkW8AAUETTbGcEfDNauJ1bzgzSmXdShE | a0ys7g | {
"description": "not forgiving my mother and my brother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not forgiving my mother and my brother? | AITA for not forgiving my mother and my brother?
I have really bad trust issues and my brother and my mother have broken them. I love everyone in my family but it's hard for me to just forgive people when they just hurt me emotionally repeatedly.
My brother is 5 years older than me but for the first 11 years of my life he would hit me. I don't hate him for it though. My older brother was hit by my father but when I was born my dad had hit me a few times and realized that what he was doing was so fucked up so he stopped. But I never stopped getting beat. My brother would hit me out of anger and jealousy. He hated the fact that I didn't have as many responsibilities as he did and the fact I didn't have as many beatings as he did when he was my age. When my brother got into high school he stopped hitting me. We talked about this and he tells me how much he regrets what he did to me. I 100% know that but I can't bring my self to forgive him. I can still talk to him laugh and play videogames with him but I can't forgive him for what he did. My older brother is almost a best friend to me.
I am not really and expressive person when it comes to showing love. My mother will repeatedly tell my brother and I of how much we don't love her. As a child my mother was like a person I could go to and feel safe at home. But every time she would tell my brother and I this we would both feel so sad. No matter what we do we can't get through my mothers head that we love her. One time my mother had said that to both my brother and I. After a few hours my mother when to the store to make food to get away from us. We were both In our rooms and stayed their. I hated feeling sad so I needed to hear something that I can cope with. I watched comedians on YouTube and after a while I started to forget and feel happy. My mother came home and suddenly ran into my room and started yelling at me for no reason. My happiness soon turned into sadness again and I started crying. She left me for a while but came back and started to again at me. My brother this time started yelling at her. One thing I won't forget was when she said that yelling at me made her feel better. I can't hate my mother but I can't forgive her.
I want to know if AITA not to forgive them I love them both but it's not something I can forget nor forgive.
| HISTORICAL | {
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YYuY98huA4X7WTM8vmwK1fSKXEtLz3PN | ay5i9p | {
"description": "cutting off family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting off family? | Background
My dad was emotionally abusive to me literally everyday
​
Story
When I was traveling abroad with family I had the chance to meet my dad's side of the family but I never did. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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oVzMLtlE5R6efx0KtiwgI5bnunxAMksr | albond | {
"description": "not wanting my BFs brother to be part of his life",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my BFs brother to be part of his life? | BF (24M) and I (25M) have been together a little over three years now and have known each other for around 5. For all of that time I have known that BF has an older brother who is now 32 but until around nine months ago, I hadn't met the guy. He was estranged from the family because he'd done some really shitty things to them while in the throes of heroin addiction, including stealing a significant sum of money from their grandmother and physically attacking their mother while intoxicated, leaving her needing stitches and with a permanent scar. Shortly after the latter incident, around ten years ago, he moved to the other side of the country with his dealer/girlfriend and cut ties completely.
Nine months ago he moved back and started trying to rebuild his relationship with his family. Initially I actually encouraged my boyfriend to at least give his brother a chance. I'm an ex heroin addict myself so I know how drugs can make you fuckin insane and I know how important it can be to re establish bonds with people you love while in recovery. I'll note I never did anything quite as screwed up as he did while I was in the thick of it, but I figured every case is different and recovery has taught me that everyone deserves a second chance.
Turns out that I was wrong in this case. Although he insists that he's completely clean from all substances (I'm doubtful but have no proof), the brother is still, in my opinion, a complete piece of shit. He has some prior convictions - including the assault on his mother - that make it hard for him to find steady work but he refuses to claim JSA because he thinks it's beneath him. As a result he's constantly pestering my boyfriend for money and will through a tantrum if he's told no. BF works for minimum wage in a restaurant and is currently on part time hours as he's recovering from a sports injury. He hasn't got heaps of money to spare. However, if he doesn't give his brother money when he asks for it, brother goes on tirades, telling him he's selfish and an asshole and asking why he doesn't care about his own flesh and blood etc. He's the same way about getting rides places too, even though bf has been instructed to limit his driving as much as possible until his injured foot is fully healed.
Brother has also once again destroyed his relationship with their parents and their sisters by being a generally manipulative manchild. I've reached a place where I think brother has worn out the second chance he was given, and I believe my boyfriend should cut ties with him again. BF is an immensely sweet guy and he hates to see anyone hurt, even if it means he gets hurt himself, and is having a difficult time letting his brother go. Brother himself caught wind of the fact that I want him out of BFs life and sent me some really pretty nasty messages about it, mostly insulting my appearance, throwing homophobic slurs and implying that as I'm also a former addict and have mental health issues which cause occasional bouts of intense paranoia and trust issues, that I'm the same as him. I'd like to think he's wrong because I'm dealing with my illnesses using medication and therapy, but he maybe does have a point. I'll also point out that he effectively ruined my boyfriend's Christmas with one of his tantrums and in the message he asked why I even care about Christmas since I'm a "fucking kike". My boyfriend confronted him about the messages and he apologised for all but the last thing, so that's the kind of dude we're dealing with. He's really starting to cause tension in our relationship and I want him gone but bf keeps insisting that he can't turn his back on family and that he wants to give his brother a chance to better himself. Am I the asshole for thinking he doesn't deserve it? | HISTORICAL | {
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W2Us6oQoDXYgwpMVfc5FCMEdKIORYvWM | b39elo | {
"description": "fedding my dad's dog [legal] CBD dog treats without him knowing",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | WIBTA if I fed my dad’s dog [legal] CBD dog treats without him knowing? | My dad is very conservative and uptight. We live in a state where CBD products are now legal.
He and my stepmom have 3 dogs, the oldest of whom seems to be 18-19. He was a rescue so everything is based on vet estimates.
He’s a great dog but he’s old. He obviously has arthritis. They don’t give him baby aspirin because it could cause other health troubles. He can’t go up or down stairs. He wears a diaper. He can’t even go up or down the RAMP between the floor and the bed. He’s started having trouble even stepping in and out of his crate. [he likes his crate, for the record.]
He’s obviously living with a lot of discomfort, if not straight out pain. The dogs were dad’s babies when my folks divorced- Dad isn’t going to put him down unless he absolutely has to.
Would I be the asshole for buying some CBD laced treats and presenting them to my dad solely as “treats formulated for older dogs”? The dog isn’t mistreated in any way- he is absolutely adored. Despite that, he lives with pain, discomfort, and lack of free movement. I just want things to be better. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
LfxpbFPA9KCDOKEv3lCPrQqbxOmE4kSu | aso4vg | {
"description": "cutting ties with my father after college",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If i cut ties with my father after college? | Sorry for bad format, im on mobile
Ever since I could remember my father would consistently criticize whatever I did. Ranging from the way I joked to what I did. Basically every day of my life has been being blamed for his misdeeds or getting yelled at, or just getting criticized on everything.
I'm now a senior and I (18) have the best girlfriend (18) in the world. We get along really well and I have thought from the day that I met her that I wanted to marry her. I talked to her about this and she said she felt the same way. I understand high school relationships don't usually become lifetime commitments but I really want this to work.
So when I mentioned this to my mother, who I absolutely adore, my dad was eavesdropping and laughed aloud. We both turned and he said that a girl like her, he had met my gf, wouldn't marry someone like me. I got mad and told him that he was just doing that to piss me off. This instantly made him mad and he stomped upstairs.
This happened about 6 months ago, and I still haven't forgotten it. I have been thinking of cutting ties after college, but the more I think of it, the more I feel like it is an a-hole move. My friend told me I should post my dilemma here, so I have. So, WIBTA if I cut ties with my father after college? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
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Mk47r5aYhlDFO6rF5Vg6ShpLuPHteTJd | 9tb3io | {
"description": "walking on yards",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for walking on yards? | took my 3 kids trick or treating last night, and a few times i walked across someone's grass going from the sidewalk to their front door. I only did this a few times and only when it was grass.
​
Probably not relevant i was carrying my 3 year old daughter (a house with some big spiders scared her a bit and after that she wanted to be carried until she was pretty close to the door depending on the decorations used.
​
My ex wife said you're not supposed to walk on people's front yards , the ones with grass.
My current thinking is that grass & AstroTurf is a functional yard cover , that is meant to be walked on , played on, etc.
where as Zero-scaped yards (stones,gravels,DG) are not meant to be walked on.
​
If i'm an ass, Why is it wrong to walk on grass?
​
Thanks | HISTORICAL | {
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mGGbxRX8MT6LF1ybEPHXRlxg3fIfxzYp | a6hz84 | {
"description": "making offensive jokes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for making offensive jokes? | Hi, I’m having some trouble and I just want an opinion because I’m being told things from both sides of this situation. Firstly I would like to mention I am not trying to be insensitive or hurtful or troll anyone, im just a young guy who is trying to figure out if I’m being a major asshole or not.
So, I was browsing reddit and I saw a meme of pewdiepie that said “Nazi Queen” in relation to the recurring meme in his fan base about his girlfriend being the “queen”. And I thought it was funny, because people are always calling him out for being a nazi and making his actions (like promoting a small channel that he didn’t know had some racism in a few videos, since pewdiepie only recommended him off of a few videos) out to be way more extreme than they were. And I was sitting in my living room, and my older cousin said that was really offensive and I shouldn’t think that kind of stuff is funny.
So, in my group of friends for my entire life, we’ve always kind of made jokes about things that would be considered offensive, but none of us actually believe in the real ideas. Like, we’re making fun of people who really ARE crazy and racist and homophobic and stuff. Like we laugh at these jokes, but if one of us said anything about any race being lesser or something the rest of us would call them out. Like we were talking about the current issue with the US border and the migrants, and one guy made a joke about how they were stealing our jobs but it didn’t come across right at first and then the rest of us were like “dude wtf?” Idk, I’ve always assumed this wasn’t that bad because it seems like none of us genuinely believe this stuff.
But then my cousin mentioned that these kinds of jokes can hurt people, and I was just like, oh shit.. It doesn’t sound like that could really happen, but I may be wrong and I just want to be able to know if I should stop. Because I also think free speech is important, but like, I just really don’t know. Please don’t yell at me, I’m genuinely wondering if this is an asshole thing to do and if so, could you explain it to make me understand? If this really is something bigger, I already see a therapist and I might bring it up to her to try to like keep myself from doing stuff like this. But all of my other friends (I mentioned it in my group chat) said that that was stupid, and they don’t disrespect any sort of minorities. I just don’t know what to do!
Also I’m so sorry this is so long and probably sounds crazy, I am sort of just freaked out because i don’t want to be an asshole!! | HISTORICAL | {
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SDp1KBEWZZ0brbAeSER8LRMdOCdAwKCt | axb72u | {
"description": "leaving my family in the middle of my sister's dancing contest",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my family in the middle of my sister's dancing contest ? | So this happened yesterday, and I'm feeling crappy ever since.I'm from the Caribbean,we're celebrating "El carnaval".Last night was my sisters dancing contest. My cousin and I arrived pretty early to save us some seats, (contest was supposed to start at 8pm we arrived a little before 6).We got a row of seats (8 seats) and so it started, we knew people would come to try to seat but at this point (6.20sh) there weren't any seats left available, we sat there and tried to hold on to the chairs as long as we could but of course it wasn't going to last. Well, let's forward to 9pm, a bunch of people broke into where we were seating (the contest took place in a public plaza) and they were of course blocking the view, it was pretty unfair but I mean what could you do? It was the monitory,we the ones that got chairs, vs everyone else. I figured I'd just step on a chair when my sister danced. Around 9.30sh started to get extremely crowded and seated people started yelling to the ones standing to please move or just seat on the ground so we could see the stage. My Dad got really pissed and started yelling to people in front of him, one of them say something back and there's when it started..yelling back and forth for around 2 min and then Dad gets up and grabs man by the shoulder(I have never seen Dad reacts like this) as soon as I see him tapping the mans shoulder I immediately run and get in the middle of them to push Dad, he couldn't care less, he ended up pushing me back and stuff got nasty, tried to calm him down and sit him but I couldn't, then my Mom got into it too and suddenly I was pushing both them back,Dad started yelling at me to move the fuck out(that's the kind of stuff you never expect your dad to yell to u in PUBLIC)he tried 4 times to get up to fight the guy but every single time I pushed him away, then a random guy (finally some help!) got in the middle and helped me separate 'em. I asked Dad to please seat on my chair so he stays away from the other guy, but he again asked me to shut the fuck off, at this point Mom did nothing( thanks mom! Such great help), I was so frustrated,Dad wasn't listening so I grabbed him by the face and laid eyes on him expecting him to chill but he just pushed me away and again asked to move the fuck off.. once both seat back I grabbed my stuff and went for a walk to calm down., turned off my phone, watched my sister from the distance (her boyfriend was with me). I was so frustrated,I felt so alone, unprotected, Dad apologized, but I don't want to see neither of my parents. WITA for leaving them and walking out of the situation? Should I have stayed? Am I being too dramatic?
​
I'm 27, W, trying to suck it up and be an adult but somehow I'm still angry. | HISTORICAL | {
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wLSbQ2ILpF82YuaRZQdfQJK280EEFChB | afcsx1 | {
"description": "not paying for my employees travel arrangements to go to his father's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not paying for my employees travel arrangements to go to his father's funeral? | I started a company 6 years ago and this is the first time i've ever had to deal with something like this. He came into my office and said his dad died and I just said the usual sorry for your loss and I told him to take as much time off as he needs and he asked if I could pay for his flights and I politely said I couldn't. The guy makes 6 figures he isn't a low paid entry level guy and I gave him as much time off as he needs which not to be crude already costs me enough money as it is so I said no and that was that. Did I make a mistake? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 10,
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"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ILM0CspvdD71US6s7yusNX6SNd7LwmH8 | b1vfyq | {
"description": "selling a gift from a friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I sold a gift from a friend? | To start off, the obligatory mobile user set up stuff.
Ok so I have not done this, but was considering it.
Around a month or two ago me and my friend were very into CounterStrike Global Offense (CSGO for short). In CSGO, you can open cases and get skins for your items. The rarest skins you can get are for your knife. He had 3 knives (he bought them) and he decided to give me on. Now, we don’t play CSGO as much as we used to and I was thinking of selling it to get other steam games.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I sold a gift from my friend? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IetigJjsEKg2WqZLVr1lithe4NsThN1k | b0tpvq | {
"description": "watching less scary movies with my bf who scares easily",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for watching less scary movies with my bf who scares easily? | He hasn't complained or anything, he doesn't have nightmares and he's always down, but I know that they still scare him. Before I realized it was a true phobia from a childhood trauma, I kind of teased him and would try to "scare" him. Since I found out though, I've dialed them back to genres he agrees on (like alien or epidemic, nothing paranormal since those are the ones that really bother him). Should I stop requesting scary movies altogether and just watch them on my own? I'm a horror movie junkie, so it's kind of difficult to want to watch anything but scary stuff, but I've made a huge effort since we got together. I just don't know if he's putting on a tough front to make me happy... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
3wlh3bPcJTb999MHVtlyGEpLAkg9PWB2 | ago63r | {
"description": "not telling my mom details about therapy and my mental health",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not telling my mom details about therapy and my mental health? | I’m 19 years old going on 20 in a few months. I still live with my parents because I attend community college in my hometown. I’ll be transferring and going to college a couple of hours away in the fall.
I’ve started going to therapy after I asked my parents if they would let me go (aka let me use their insurance and be okay with me going) to help me with my anxiety. I have social anxiety disorder as well as some generalized anxiety. I’ve struggled with my mental health for what I think has been pretty much my whole life, or at least as long as I can remember, but within the last couple of years I’ve become way more cognizant of it and it’s been bothering me a lot more and interfering with my daily/weekly life. So I asked to go.
My mom went with me to my first appointment. I told her it was fine if she came with me to see the office or meet the psychologist at the end of my appointment but that she wouldn’t be able to sit in with me because that’s not allowed (and also I didn’t really want to her to, but I didn’t tell her that. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings). She tried to sit in my appointment anyway and my psychologist very nicely said she couldn’t basically and that she would talk to her at the end of the session.
I learned that my mom told my psychologist stuff at the end of the session that just blatantly isn’t true and isn’t really relevant to treating my anxiety. I know she was just trying to help and is just worried about me as a mother, but it frustrated me. I told her I could go to therapy by myself from now on, which I was planning on doing anyway since I’m 19 years old.
I went to another appointment recently and she tried to ask me details about it as soon as I got home. I wasn’t really in the mood for talking about it so I told her that sometimes I wasn’t going to tell her all the details about every appointment; that I was 19 and therapy is a personal thing, that it’s not like going to the doctor for the flu. She said that she had ‘been on this journey with me’ with I fully realize since she’s my mother and I don’t plan to leave her in the dark. But then she said that she pays for it, insinuating that since she pays for it I should tell her all that goes on, which really bothered me since I don’t think that entitles her to knowing intimate details about my sessions. Then she asked if I didn’t want to tell her because I was talking about her in therapy. I said no, because I’m not. I’m doing CBT, not talk therapy. Also even if I were, I don’t have much bad to say about my family.
I felt bad about what I said earlier so I told her that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to her about it, it was that I didn’t have much to say, which was partially true. Then I saw she had read the little stack of papers my therapist had given me without asking me, which annoyed me a little bit. I didn’t say anything but the principle of that is wrong imo.
Then today I came home earlier than usual from college because I had stuff at home I needed to get done and she asked me why I hadn’t gone to a club meeting I usually go to. I told her why and she started berating me about not going and telling me that ‘it’s hard to feel sorry for me’. Basically saying it’s hard to feel sorry for me about my anxiety when I don’t go places like that. But I usually do.
That hurt my feelings and so I said that she can’t expect me to go into intimate details about my mental health when she says stuff like that, and that I don’t have to tell her anything especially when she says stuff like that. She stopped me from saying anything else.
Am I the asshole?
TDLR: I’ve started going to therapy for anxiety disorders. Mom wants me to tell her lots of details about sessions and mental health but isn’t very compassionate or knowledgeable about it and I responded.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 11,
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} | RIGHT |
ekwfVM3D10QeMyUoZyOGSGfKtcEFQCqU | acfofk | {
"description": "ignoring a beggar",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ignoring a beggar? | So, this was really weird for me and I can't shake the feeling that I was being the asshole in the situation.
I was leaving the bank after taking some money out, and a kid asked if I had any money. I literally ignored him and didn't look in his face because I had no "low-value" note on me, only I couple 20's that I couldn't spare.
Then he threatened to mug me and stab me the next time I see him on the street. Ever since, I've been scared to walk on that part of town and to go into my bank because I know he might be outside. I'm a 19 year old (m) college student living alone far away from my parents and all other relatives, so it really scares me.
But I just can't shake the feeling that I brought this on myself. Maybe I should have looked him in the eye and said "sorry dude I don't have anything on me right now, maybe next time"?
I'm just really insecure about it.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
oxISQmycv206ufoHSH5KNKLU1VgvDu8d | avcmu1 | {
"description": "letting a date/ons share my bed",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for letting a date/ons share my bed. | I split up with my ex in September and sometimes during but always after our relationship I said if she wanted to stay over she Had to take the sofa (or the floor which she preferred to the sofa). There were 2 reasons for this 1. I am a large man in a small bed so I couldn't sleep well at all if she is in my bed 2. We broke up so sharing a bed is weird.
After the break up we became friends/best friends and decided to get a cat together, I keep it until I eventually leave the country as from my research I cant bring it back home and after her sister takes it. We decided to tell each other if the other person was dating and if there would be sex.
I told her about my date she asked if she would stay over and I said yes. She then told me if she took my bed overnight she would take my cat and never let me see her again. I really love my cat but part of me feels if I give in now there would be more manipulation as well as the uncomfortableness of asking someone to leave but if I am the ass hole or not how can I remedy the situation. I also know this is a relationships issue but she views that subreddit.
Obviously this is written from my perspective so may be biased, as an ex she does a lot for me but she also can be manipulative and use me.
Tldr-if I let a date stay over I may lose my cat because I wouldn't let my ex stay over. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
K8xAILuS6ZruBSoGOkKikc9V8nKxkmv8 | axfk17 | {
"description": "installing a plastic cage over the thermostat",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | WIBTA if I installed a plastic cage over the thermostat? | I live in a house with two other people. The agreement was in exchange for exclusive use of the garage and driveway I would pay the electric.
It worked out fine in summer and fall, but since it’s gotten cold the electric bill has gotten ridiculous. Last month it was $162. I’ve talked to the roommates about it and trying to cut the cost down. They agreed, but roommate’s gf who is here almost every day is not following through. She cranks the heat up and leaves it that way. Even when she leaves.
I talked to roommate about her doing this and he said he would talk to her again, yet today when I came home the house was empty and the heat was on 85. I don’t want to cause drama with her so I’m thinking of installing a plastic cage over the thermostat that I would have the key to. I wouldn’t let the house get freezing, but it would also prevent someone who doesn’t even live here from driving up the electric bill. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 48,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 49,
"WRONG": 22
} | RIGHT |
5g3nZigR5Cb24MbQtHGdkM4ATKvqe07u | b67y95 | {
"description": "not bringing my nephew with me to his grandparents house",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I don't bring my nephew with me to his grandparents house? | My family (my husband and my two kids, age 3 and 5) live in the same city as my husband's sister and her family (her, her husband, their 2 kids, age 6 and 9). My older son (5), and my nephew (6) are really good friends. However my nephew and my little guy (3) don't get along at all and when the three boys are together it's constant fighting, and it's really annoying/a lot of work.
My in-laws live about a 5 hour drive away. All the grand kids absolutely love going to visit their grandparents. When either family goes to visit the grandparents, we sometimes offer to take the other family's kids with us (but not always). I'm taking my kids to visit my in-laws for a weekend. I wouldn't normally go without my husband, but he has a huge reno project he's working on at our house, and he needs us out of the house for the weekend. I get along super well with the in-laws, so no worries there.
My niece (the 9 year old) is busy in activities all weekend, but I know that my nephew doesn't have anything planned and usually ends up just driving his sister around all weekend. We fairly often take my nephew for the day, when we're at home.
It seems obvious that I would offer to take my nephew with me the weekend I go to the grandparents. I just really don't want to! I know it's selfish. It's one more kid to look after, there will be constant fighting between him and my youngest, and I just want the time alone with my kids. On the other hand, my oldest son would love it, and so would my nephew. .
​
WIBTA if I don't offer to bring him?
​
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZsWEjjZv5rU3a1BJs46krdrnsCNQsHRd | az69ay | {
"description": "having a supposed autistic person banned from a discord",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I had a supposed autistic person banned from a discord? | I am a moderator in a small hangout discord, currently waiting for training to be promoted to Admin, and there is this user in the server who I honestly despise. Let's call him Red. Red when he first joined demanded to know what my sex is, because I go by he/him but would mention things about my female body to friends (Ie. Periods if the topic came up), all so he could call me my "correct" gender even when I told him to stop. Later that day he pestered everyone to the point the admins banned him for transphobic comments(He started calling me a she after the thing above) and annoying the Admins to no end. The owner, We'll call Fire, unbanned him out of pity. It wasn't long after his unbanning that he posted child gore, not a fictional drawing though, he posted an image of an actual child who was killed with a machete, and an old co-owner banned him on the spot, asking Fire not to unban Red. I asked Fire about it and they defended Red saying "He has mental illnesses he doesn't see whats wrong with it," despite Red actively knowing what's good and bad. We would be talking about the age where you're a legal adult, mostly what you can do when you're 18, and he's constantly make remarks of illegally doing things such as smoking, stealing, and so on, remarking "It's legal if no cops are around!" He also asks the dumbest questions, "Is it animal abuse if I backhand my cat?" You'd say "Yes" because it's harmful to the cat, he'd answer "No it isn't." He purposefully tries to rile people up with controversial topics such as demanding to let him(17) into the NSFW Room, defending terrorism, breaking laws, even racism despite just about everyone telling him to stop it. I would tell Fire that we should ban Red because of his behavior, and Fire would still argue that he's autistic so he should get a Get Out of Jail card. (Red still purposefully misgenders me..) Red only brings up his Autism if he gets banned and that's it.
Would I be the A-hole if I want this guy perma-banned from the server?
In Case Anyone Asks: I recently turned 18, most people in the server are 18. Red is 17. We restricted his access across a lot of rooms on the server for spamming images that didn't belong. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Sk5Bi7PUFVJcBdwCcgD276ZhzMWT1G1E | al4qmg | {
"description": "wanting to invite a friend to my birthday that another friend doesn't get along with",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to invite a friend to my birthday that another friend doesn't get along with? | So I have a friend (we will call her OF for Old Friend) and I've been friends with her and two other girls for four years now. OF has issues with her mom and only tells certain people about it. Fast forward a few years, OF and I have two classes together in school (lucky us) and we make a new friend at our lunch table. We will call her NF (for new friend). We click and within a few months OF tells NF about her mom and NF tells us about some issues she has with her dad. Apparently the same day NF calls OF with her dad to talk about her mom issues which OF told her to tell no one about.
OF is upset and rants to me about it. I am still friends with NF but OF and NF don't talk much even though we still sit together at lunch. I want to invite NF to my birthday party in two weeks but I know OF will get upset with me. This happened before where I invited NF to hangout with my 4 year friend group to go to a halloween party. OF yelled at me like crazy and called me an asshole and almost didnt go to the party with us (she still went but she didnt hang out with any of our friend group and just ate candy the whole time and took my younger brother tick or treating).
​
So AITA inviting NF to my birthday party like I was the (supposed) asshole for inviting NF to the halloween party?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4bKv7cIAfC3I7JGZEjlpzShgfHewYmQp | a7dnl0 | {
"description": "wanting to become a better artist",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to become a better artist? | I’ve been a part of a small group of friends for a couple years now, but I feel as though we aren’t as equal anymore.
There are 3 of us and we all share an undying passion for art. I usually refrain for caring much about others’ artwork unless I’m critiquing something as I feel that indulging other’s art can be harmful on feeling of self-worth and motivation, but because these are my friends, I give input on them a lot. Recently, I’ve been shown some incredible stuff from both of them -I still manage to give input on proportions or design choices, but it gets tougher and tougher each time. I’m happy for them as I know they are very passionate about what they do, but there’s this underlying feeling of frustration and fear.
I’m not frustrated at my friends, more so at myself for not improving as much as them or as quick. Both of them improve immensely as I’m left in their dust- hitting an invisible wall that they’ve crossed, but I can’t. I’ve contacted one friend about the situation I’m in and she says that there’s nothing wrong with what I’m feeling and that my thoughts are valid, but I’m still indifferent on her conclusion.
For this one in particular, the title would be more fitting as “Am I *an* asshole” instead of “Am I *the* asshole”.
I’m happy to clear anything up if needed.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
olAWtGaxrvsVlKLJsw26k0lCEJJuIvi9 | ag2722 | {
"description": "hating the ocean that killed my family member",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for hating the ocean that killed my family member? | So hear my out guys. Throw away account for obvious reasons.
I am a 30 year old male living in new york.
My great grand father was an italian fisherman. Of the coast of italy he was fishing during the great storm of Sergio (in 1828). The storm took his boat down, he was never heard from again.
I resent the ocean for taking my great grand father. I hate it for all the lovely times that he and i could share, but now we cant seeing the ocean took him.
I never swim. While at the beach i kick the water. Some times i spit at the ocean, even chewed out gums.
Am i the asshole for hating and never forgiving the ocean for what it did to me?! Please help me out guys! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
sjWzPh0BLtlK5mo5XKE5oghcMmuSb0ux | b4pbgz | {
"description": "impersonating my friend online to get him a girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for impersonating my friend online to get him a girlfriend? | So my friend, let's call him Mike, is kinda awkward. He got his crush's snapchat, but doesn't know what to text her to get her to fall for him. So I told him to give me his snap password, so I could pretend to be him and text her. He was a bit hesitant, but agreed. I logged onto his snapchat and started texting his crush. She's into me- well, him- by this point, that much is average. The only thing I have left to do is to ask her out, as him. But Mike is starting to have second thoughts. I pointed out we're this close to getting her to go out with him. He just got angry and told me what we were doing is wrong. I was just trying to help him.
Aita? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
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