id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
jasnsWriVP8VQVr3t3Iyz5yu8kPS0u0Q | ai4y5k | {
"description": "not wanting to lend my car to my pregnant SIL because her license is expired",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to lend my car to my pregnant SIL because her license is expired? | My sister in law is 8 months pregnant. She is a terrible driver and gets into accidents frequently. She dropped her car off at the shop to get it fixed and the shop would not rent her a car because her driver's license has expired.
I am out of town at the moment and my husband calls me and tells me that she wants to borrow my car for the day because she doesn't want to pay for a taxi/uber. My husband agreed. I told him I'm not comfortable with this but he's defensive of her and is not happy with me protesting this because he feels it's inconsequential to us. He says even if she gets pulled over her license will get suspended or she'll get a fine. But even so, I just don't feel comfortable. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ax831UWkcqirUwhMpWuOMEz8BcOqou7a | azrqo9 | {
"description": "not wanting my gf to post certain things",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my gf to post certain things? | Things like a letter apologizing or a video I appear crying cause she's leaving to her country. She sais it's beautiful and wants everyone to see it, but I feel it's private and in the end she deletes them cause I tell her I feel uncomfortable and she gets little bit sad after that. I don't like people watch me like that for a reason that I don't know.
I think this is silly issue but I want to know other people's opinion. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VumFH4dZyxztkWYWPzeYzsNhJFLKhIks | b1bvvr | {
"description": "asking my roommate and his girlfriend to be quiet",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for asking my roommate and his girlfriend to be quiet? | My roommate (24 M) and I (23 F) have known each other for a while and ran in the same social circle in college. We're both pretty quiet and laid back, which worked out really well since I work full time now and he just started grad school this past year.
The walls are incredibly thin in our apartment and our rooms share walls, which means that I can hear just about anything that happens anywhere in the apartment. I go to sleep around 10:30-11PM, and noise hasn't been a huge issue before. He's been pretty great about the couple issues I brought up in the past, and I've tried to be pretty accommodating with other stuff that's come up on his end as well.
​
My issue is:
He recently got a new girlfriend who's been staying over every night now for three weeks straight. Originally he asked if I would mind if she stayed over a few times a week, which I didn't--and honestly, she's super nice and it's not like she's that intrusive or anything either.
It's just that since the walls are so thin, anything above a normal speaking volume sounds like it's happening right outside of my door. They'll do dishes and laundry at 11:30-12 at night, be in and out of the room opening and closing doors, and speak pretty loudly.
I don't know if I'm justified if I ask for them to be quiet past 11PM on weeknights. Especially with the speaking volume, it's not like they're constantly yelling, it's more like I'll hear intermittent loud exclamations (like, "Oh my god!" etc.) or I'll hear their voice go from normal volume to passionate-about-whatever-they're-talking-about volume, but it's usually enough to wake me up or keep me from going to sleep. I ordered some ear plugs so I'm going to try that first regardless, but in case that fails I don't know how much falls on me to suck it up because it's not like it's his fault the walls are thin.
I don't want him to feel like he can't live in his own apartment, but I also need to sleep during the week or else I'll 100% die at work.
​
TL;DR
I have an apartment with very thin walls, and my quiet roommate is less quiet with a new girlfriend who stays over every night. I go to bed at 11PM but I can hear them making noise (talking semi-loudly, doing dishes and laundry, opening and closing doors) sometimes until 1AM.
Can I ask them to be quiet without making it seem like they need to walk on eggshells around me and my sleeping schedule? I don't want to be a dick.
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PgJNMjbN2x5kp26QFQ3YEpb2HW1b4ViL | a0dv6d | {
"description": "regarding Americans as isolationist assholes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for regarding Americans as isolationist assholes? | Americans want free trade for others and tariffs for themselves. Every now and then they go into this irritating isolationist mode. And it normally takes some disaster to slap them out if their selfish haze. It took Pearl Harbour to slap America out of the isolationism of the 1930’s and then 9/11 to slap American out of the corporate greed of the 1990’s. It is embarrassing that it takes huge disasters for Americans to realise their wider responsibility. Wake up! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
JU9X1jsQNuTmEAZRxOiAmgbxKI9DsRLb | aoy2g7 | {
"description": "ruining a first date",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ruining a first date. | So last night I met my first girl on bumble at a bar and it went super well. I had so much fun with her and we went dancing, held hands, and just had a super fun time. I really like her a lot. We went back to her place and we weren't comfortable having sex (intercourse). She has never had sex (same with me). She wanted to give me oral but I wasn't comfortable with it and I told her in the past it sometimes takes me awhile to get hard so instead we cuddled alot and made out and had a sleepover. However when I woke up and left in the morning things seemed a bit off and we didn't hug or anything when I left. However She gave me her number and we have texted a couple times. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oDMmmUiznglbZU9dC5imjJVbF3tWumuB | atqmk4 | {
"description": "not telling my parents about my marriage",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for not telling my parents about my marriage? | Lee and I met and immediately knew we were the right fit. We were both 22 and never had such a strong connection. After 8 months together and some trips across the world, he was offered a great job in a foreign country. I decided to follow him and find work there. He was terrified I would be deported if I don't find work. As a fail safe, we looked into ways I can stay with him on a companion visa. Marriage was the most obvious answer. Neither of us care about weddings and titles; his parents have been happily together for almost 30 years and never married, and I just never saw why it would matter. But I knew, even after only 8 months together, that I wanted to be with him the rest of my life, no matter what that might bring. We were on a short timeline as we were leaving the country soon, and didn't have the time to sort the logistics of including our families in this. We went to the county recorder's office on our lunch breaks and did the deed, and it was perfect. We couldn't bring ourselves to tell our families because of the drama it would cause.
​
We married, and are living very far from our families. Everyone here knows us as husband and wife, which we are enjoying. I found work. Both our jobs are very international and we are relieved that our marriage ensures us staying together is taken seriously no matter which culture we are in. Our parents still refer to us as boyfriend and girlfriend, which feels a little strange by this point.
​
We've been married over 2 years and together almost 3. Lee's parents don't care at all about marriage, but my parents definitely do. They've been asking incessantly if he is going to propose. My mom is so excited for the wedding, is saying she has dreamed of my wedding since I was born. Originally I was counting on my little brother to fulfill her wedding dreams, but she now says it's "not the same when it's your son. The wedding is about the bride." We are feeling guilty (we didn't think weddings mattered this much when we did this), but also so thankful because a wedding sounds horrible and stressful (we are very very introverted), and the benefits of being officially married are coming to us.
​
We talked before about holding a "fake" wedding, but we would hate it so much and it's a waste of money. We could tell my parents but my mom might be more upset than we originally expected about "not being invited to her daughter's wedding".
​
**Yes we should not have eloped behind our parents' backs. But is it really as big of a deal as people make it out to be? Are we the assholes?** | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 13
} | RIGHT |
3AhKBR9CjZbqj73GrIBOKOFuTKRYWCjI | a76m3z | {
"description": "being upset with my partner because he regularly goes 'missing' for a few days",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset with my partner because he regularly goes 'missing' for a few days. | I've been with my bf for over a year and every so often he'll go missing for a few days. About once a month. As in he won't reply to any messages. He made excuses at first but now nothing. I've not made a fuss but I've said I get worried cause something could've happened. As example one of the excuses is he got mugged.
Most of the time is cause he's out with his mates and on a night out. I say it's fine, please just message me off your mates phone if yours is off so I know. Because it's not usually just an evening. It would be two days or more and they all have my number and know me well.
We're both pretty relaxed and have no rules or issues. The only thing he's said he didn't like me doing I stopped instantly. (Going out for whole nights with work people) and this is the only thing I've said really makes me sad.
AITA for being pissed off cause he's not even understanding why I'm sad? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qMWULfvR2lUXW3TzFHcgxKwL3B92QzIG | b90x6b | {
"description": "nagging my ex about his skateboarding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I nagged my ex about his skateboarding? | I’m going to try to keep this short. I’m living with my ex, it’s a new situation, and we’re still working out what this means.
He has a pretty serious injury that keeps him from skateboarding even though he loves it. When we were dating I was never on board (lol) with him buying a new board and it was a bit of a running joke, but those in his family he is close to are really against him skateboarding ever again.
I just got home and noticed some packages were delivered from a skateboarding company, meaning he is moving forward on skateboarding again, I think. I know if I say something to him he’s going to be stubborn and annoyed and it won’t do anything. I also considered telling his family but that would make me feel shitty.
He’s going to do something stupid and land in the hospital and where we are at right now I will be the only one around to help him. Also, he’s 30. I know this sounds like a teenager. I have always supported his interests 100%, unless they are dangerous. He’s really stubborn and I don’t think he’s thought through this.
I know I’m not responsible for him but also I don’t think he has a plan for if he ends up immobile. I would be the only one around who could do anything for him and I’m not the kind of person to leave someone helpless. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
sezeo8ufFCqUjszFLXvaKL6xVLToNdaA | b3ead7 | {
"description": "asking him not to smoke pot while I'm pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for asking him not to smoke pot while I’m pregnant? | I’m pregnant with my first child. It’s been really difficult. My boyfriend has been doing the best he can to help me through it except for one thing. He won’t stop smoking pot even though I asked him to. We both used to do it fairly regularly. Once I found out I was pregnant I quit immediately. I asked him to as well out of support.
He fought me at first on it. He didn’t see why he had to give it up. I told him that smelling it on him or being around him while he’s obviously stoned makes me miss it myself. I’m growing our child and basically miserable 24/7, I don’t think it’s too much to ask for him give up pot out of support for my situation. It’s really insensitive to come home reeking like weed and acting silly while I’m just sitting here uncomfortable. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
UAO5Bskl6qDzRDJFqfL6U5GDfwMoJ3ar | amm7j3 | {
"description": "confronting my underage coworker about taking a Jell-O shot in the office",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for confronting my underage coworker about taking a Jell-O shot in the office? | So tonight I walked into the office and saw my high school aged coworker finishing off what was clearly a Jell-O shot (a small plastic container filled with jello and alcohol) so I confronted her and asked if it was what I thought it was. She did not deny that it was, I then basically told her that she was violating the law and also violating company policy as she was drinking on shift, behind the desk, while in view of customers with her work shirt on.
I then said this is very serious and I was about to just tell her that I don’t want to hear of it ever happening again but the manager on duty (I am just a mechanic) came in and asked what was going on so I explained to her what happened. The manager on duty is now asking me if we should report this (she is relatively new while I’m older and more experienced at the company and we have become friends) to the general manager and I said I thought it would be best as I felt it was pretty serious, but I also suggested that if she does report it to at least talk to the person to let her know she was reporting it, as previously she had told the high schooler she wasn’t going to. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
skgBIbsfe6C6vq8jWFRyXzyCIeKJmZf6 | afrscv | {
"description": "not forgiving this girl",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not forgiving this girl | Ok so this all started when I met this girl through a college activity and she sort of cosied up to me it got to the point where she even kissed me and snuggled into my shoulder on the train ride home so I was starting to think that we were becoming a couple flash forward a few weeks and the activity ends and I ask her if she wants to hang out with me and my friends (she's also friends with one of my friends) she says yes and we just chill for the day doing random stuff going to the mall etc now here's where it gets interesting
After we were about to head home everyone was laughing having a good time this girl suddenly brings up the fact that she's got a crush on some other guy even pulling out a phone and showing me an old picture of some celebrity, myself being genuinely confused, assumed she was just playing and being coy like she usually was, asked her was she being serous with a almost half laugh but this must have upset her because she just reeled back and punched me in the gut as hard as she could, now let me tell you I am by no means a small guy this winded me then she went off to the others pretending like nothing had happened and laughing not one to lose my cool I walked on with a good bit of annoyance. About 5 minutes later she goes up to me asking if i'm ok and that I was being quiet I just asked why she would punch me in the gut she started getting a little teary eye'd and kept asking that I forgive her now ill admit that I was being stubborn when I told her I couldn't forgive her unless I knew why she had hit me but she just continued to say sorry and ask my forgiveness (maybe she didn't know why herself) when she didn't give me an answer I refused.
She then went off to a bench to sob to herself while my friend went to console her, said friend comes back a minute later asking me to forgive this girl and apologize myself telling me I might regret it if I don't (seemed a little passive aggressive to me) but my friends all said I shouldn't have to one of my closer friends even got a little angry and called the consoling friend a name which resulted in a very short fight where consoling guy hit my close friend and hurt his own hand. Everyone then parted ways and went home with consoling guy glaring at me while he walked the girl who punched me home.
This happened last week and I was wondering if I was the asshole here
​
**TL;DR** Guy gets hit in stomach by girl and doesn't forgive her when she asks for forgiveness | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
0zdkVzArm7WDSuI1JewNL9AatLIFoQW4 | 9yl960 | {
"description": "getting ready per usual when my girlfriend called into work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting ready per usual when my girlfriend called into work. | My girlfriend & I carpool every morning and have to be at work at the same time. This morning I got up and started getting ready - she’s laying in bed and going back and forth about not going. Finally she decides to. I continue to get ready (our bathroom and bedroom) are attached. I left lights on and went about my business. She has an attitude. I can tell she just wants me to hurry and go. I pick up on that and leave with a bit of attitude myself. Check my phone a while later and have a text from her telling me that I’m an asshole. I call her ask why she said that - she says it’s because when she’s gone to work and I stayed home
She takes care of me by turning off lights/being quiet. She says I seemed annoyed that o had to work and she didn’t? Maybe I did? I don’t know. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
AQ39soZGiPbWRetdBGcoCrc69ZfRP6fj | aoqa7m | {
"description": "no longer wanting to be friends w/ the person dating my ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for no longer wanting to be friends w/ the person dating my ex | My Ex and I have not been together for 4 months, but have stayed good friends.
I made a friend thru him, who became a pretty good friend of mine as well. Her and I hungout all the time. and since She is also my ex's roommate, I would vent to her about him and she would understand exactly where I was coming from.
I recently found out from Facebook that my ex and my friend are dating. To say I was livid is an understatement. I felt betrayed and ripped both of them a new one. I'm not upset that they're dating. I'm upset they couldn't give me the respect to tell me in person, or even send a text!
I felt like they snuck behind my back and started this relationship. both my ex and my friend told me it was none of my business that they decided to date. but I think if my ex and my friend decide to date, I should have some sort of knowledge about these feelings that have developed. and they've it's childish I no longer want to associate with them. Mind you both my ex and friend knew this has happened to me in the past (a person I thought was a friend sleeping with an ex) so it just adds to the hurt I feel.
I'm not jealous and I wish them all the best, but AITA for no longer wanting to associate with them? are these valid reasons to cut ties with people? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
iZQcPdrsIkOQqolnFcuQhQnZUeytcoI2 | b6da4b | {
"description": "telling my grandma to stop",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my grandma to stop? | I’m a 16 year old male. I can do most things by myself. But my grandma won’t let me. (I currently live with my grandma).
For example, she won’t let me get my license because she wants to drive me everywhere, and just now, she won’t let me pack clothes for a trip. When I told her I needed to pack my own clothes, she got angry. I really don’t have a say in much.
I appreciate her kindness, but sometimes it feels like she’s overbearing. Am I being an asshole by saying I just want to do things myself? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
naxjWQXE5QcafMlmnJ5VUKHs4TyNneDP | ap1pi7 | {
"description": "ribbing my friend about having an accent",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for ribbing my friend about having an accent? | My friend is from New Jersey and has a strong accent. This has always been a joke amongst my group of friends. He recently admitted that he wants us to stop making fun of it and that he’s never found it funny. We all agreed to stop.
His accent really comes out when he’s mad, so sometimes we joke about that. Someone did something dickish to me, so like always, I put on an accent and started joking around. My friends, who would have been laughing about it a week earlier, immediately told me to stop and apologize. I did, but no one would let it go. They kept telling me that I was being really rude until finally I told them to just drop it. They’ve all been distant the past few days, and I’m kinda worried. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
QigpuPrdHBmfAVSxKFIsAhUXBHkQKs7X | b4gkx5 | {
"description": "not wanting to/being ready to date a friend in a group and expecting the group to stay friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to/being ready to date a friend in a group and expecting the group to stay friends? | Edit: Sorry tripped the auto mod. Only mentioned past struggles, feeling good these days!
There's a girl (Sara) in my circle of friends that a couple months back spontaneously told me she had a crush on me.
I was taken aback and didn't really sleep that night stressing out about what I was going to do. I like this girl but I barely knew anything about her and I hadn't thought about her romantically up until this point. I was stressed because I just moved across the country to live with my other friends in this same circle and they think this girl and I would be great together. I spend most of the morning and early afternoon agonizing about it. I can't help it. I was thinking about how it would change my life to jump into a new relationship and the dynamic I have with my house mates. It really blindsided me, I was really enjoying myself in this new town and working out again, eating better, trying to change careers. I'm an asshole for making her wait overnight+ a few hours for a text.
My ex fucked me up badly and I let myself fall into a deep slump of self-loathing etc. In retrospect the wrong call but I told Sara I wasn't trying to date anyone right now. And of course I know rejection hurts and I felt like an asshole just for rejecting her it sucks to be rejected, and maybe I'm just letting my anxiety/fear drive my decisions but I didn't feel ready.
My friend(Cathy) didn't understand my reaction at all. "If a hot person came up to me like that and expressed interest I'd be all over them." Which I get and I am being too cautious/afraid of another relationship because of my last one(was almost 2 years ago now).
Am I the asshole to expect that group of friends to still include me? I just found out I wasn't invited to a concert/weekend thing that the group is going to. My memory isn't the best but I thought we had all talked about going like I was included. But apparently only they bought tickets. I know rejection sucks and it's embarrassing to be around the person who rejected you for a while but it's been months now and I'm wondering if I'm an asshole for thinking we could still interact in a friend group? Not to mention (it's a small group) we are all going to Japan in May in a few months. I'm definitely invited to that, I was there when we bought tickets. But my other friends failed to mention to the girl that I was going to be coming on that trip the day before we met up to plan/buy tickets. I definitely tried too hard to play it off like nothing had happened the next few times we were all together. In her shoes I wouldn't have wanted me to be weird/ignore her. Should I have apologized again in person? I wouldn't have wanted me to bring it up again from her perspective. My friend that was/is upset with me keeps telling me it can't go back to how it was before and I get that I guess. But then why are we all going to Japan together?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Vpp5U0wlZrxZUGvt84rlkstE6iYjOQ6R | akdkg4 | {
"description": "being executor of my grandparent's trust",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being executor of my grandparent’s trust? | About a year ago, I was told by my grandmother that she has made me executor of their estate, during a family get together, she announced this after being pressured by a large portion of family. Since then, her children and step-children have all written me off (including my own mother). My grandfather has dementia and had dementia while the lawyer was writing the revised trust so it was mainly put together by my grandmother. They believe that because my grandfather has dementia that what is in the trust is not fair to them because none of them trust or like my grandmother. On top of this she has refused for years to answer their calls when they call to speak to their own father. They have always had a rough relationship and historically have been treated unfairly because they’re not biologically related to her (with the exception of my mother).
I have gotten accused of riding the gravy train and remaining executor for the money as since no one else has a relationship with my grandmother.. I must be plotting with her. Although they don’t know what’s in the trust - I have seen it and it is very fair to them and I am not profiting more than anyone else. But they won’t believe me and per her lawyer’s advice my grandmother will not furnish the trust to her children so they can see. I do know that some cousins were written out of the trust while others were not, I was planning to stay as the executor so I could have a shot at making my grandfather’s wishes a reality and making this fair, rather than my grandmother’s wishes. The cousins who were cut out of the trust are also not biological to her, which seems like the reason why they were cut out as well.
Trying to get to the bottom of this recently, I had several calls with family and they attacked the fact I don’t have a job (I have applied to over 150 jobs in the last year and I have the wrong degree for the area in which I live) and that I’m pretty much waiting until I get this “large inheritance”. They also accused me of not seeing him enough and since I don’t have a job - I should be over there everyday (they live 35 mins north and I go over there once a week to stay with him). My siblings and I (because we are biological) were treated great by my grandmother, including receiving cars, college, housing, etc. while other non-biological kids suffered. As much as I recognize this can cause resentment and distrust, I feel like the resentment is overshadowing their ability to work with me in order to set things right with the trust.
I realize some of you may think I’m an asshole for trying to make the trust “fair”, but my grandfather always wanted to treat all family fairly and unfortunately my grandmother has prevented that throughout his life. I recognize there are also questions to why he didn’t do more to make that happen. Overall, I feel like discussing a living person’s trust prior to their death is so extremely terrible.
Am I the asshole for wanting to help make this trust fair to the best of my ability despite all those I’m trying to help writing me off and attacking my personal life? | HISTORICAL | {
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OOU5bNOc0wBzLmLIVenlYtBcUw2hdaoj | ayqq35 | {
"description": "cutting a coworker out of my life over what she claims is a trivial matter",
"pronormative_score": 47,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for cutting a coworker out of my life over what she claims is a trivial matter? | I had an audition about a month ago. Now I have a massive phobia of crowds, and also of performing, and I knew I'd really struggle to do this on my own. My friend offered two weeks in advance to come with me for support, which was much needed and appreciated.
The next day, she said she would definitely come.
The day after that, she said she would probably come.
The day after, she says she might come. I stopped her there and said that I needed someone with me for support, and if she couldn't make it that's fine but to just let me know then and there so I could find someone else in time. She said no, no need to find anyone else, she would be there to support me. So I thanked her.
A week and a half later, it was the day before and I messaged her saying what time and where to meet etc. She comes back to me saying actually she's too tired and she can't make it sorry bye. This was the night before, remember. I didn't have time to find anyone else. I told her that if she did this to me, I'd never be able to forgive her. She said I'd have to get over it she's just too tired.
So I went to it on my own. I got through it. It was horrible. And I just saw her completely differently, as the unreliable flake that she is. So I deleted her on facebook and insta, she kept liking my things on insta, so I blocked her. Yesterday was a month after the incident. I got a message from her on facebook saying "wtf you unfriended me when are you going to get over this?" I blocked her and didn't reply. Then she messaged me in the work chat, which I can't block her on in case there's something work related, saying "I miss you". I reminded her I said I wouldn't be able to forgive her if she stood me up, and to accept it. She said no, she won't accept it.
So now I feel bad. She's making me feel guilty. But she really let me down and I just plain do not have any warm feelings toward her anymore, I don't see her as a friend. I told her this would happen and she still decided not to come, I don't understand why she's sending me these pathetic messages.
Am I the asshole for not caving here? It's getting on my nerves. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 46,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 47,
"WRONG": 13
} | RIGHT |
znOwDOcCs2h70ILUVlKl7iSND6R0iXma | a8rmb2 | {
"description": "asking my friend why I wasn't invited to her wedding",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I asked my friend why I wasn't invited to her wedding? | I have a friend from college that I haven't seen in person in a while, but always thought there was an understanding we're still friends despite not spending time together. I actually introduced her to her now husband and encouraged them to get together. I understand that people are allowed to invite and not invite whoever they want to their own wedding, but this exclusion kind of hurt. Would I be the asshole if I confronted her about this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
6tLRt67EqW8zjTfVYi4GU3Uudi47nAbM | an30en | {
"description": "being upset at my coworker",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset at my coworker? | (Mobile user)
**TLDR**- coworker has been over an hour late 3 days in the past 2 1/2 weeks... AITA for being upset at her, especially because she has small children and an hour long commute?
Okay. First things first, I work night shift from 6pm-6am at a group home for males in the IDD community. It’s easy enough but the tough days are tough even when they’re asleep. I have regular cleaning duties and a list of items to complete during the night on top of assisting our 3 clients. The days where my complaints arise happen to have been tough days where I had to complete more than usual and things had generally not gone well.
My coworker works opposite shift as me (6am-6pm) She was hired about a month ago and I know that she has been learning the ropes just like I had to do when I was first hired. She’s 25 has two (or three) very young kids and lives about an hour drive away from our work. She has been late three times in the past two and a half weeks. One day it was 2 1/2 hours. The next it was 1 1/2 hours. This morning it has been about 1 hour.
First time I completely understood because her excuse was that her kid got a hold of her phone and turned off her alarm. Completely possible and freaking sucks cause it happens. Like four days later for the second time her excuse was her baby was in the hospital. I was upset before she told me, but it’s not like she could help that her baby was sick. She didn’t tell our boss the night before when she had taken her in so it just seemed weird, but when something happens you don’t immediately think to tell your boss about it, right? Completely understandable even though I was annoyed.
This morning however, she said the roads were bad. Now, we just got snow yesterday however there are not many people on the road at 5-6am and she could have left earlier. There was no reason she couldn’t have left early because it snowed YESTERDAY and the roads were bad THEN. The road is pretty bad anyways when it snows a little so she really should have. So, now I have to stay after my shift AGAIN and wait for her to show up.
I know that having multiple children is hard especially when they get sick, and commuting over an hour to work fucking sucks when the weather is bad...but my own stepmother did this for over 12 years on top of attending college full time for 4 of those years (albeit we were all in high school at this time). She had to deal with 3 hormonal teenagers, an asshole husband, and over an hour commute on TWO LANE MOUNTAIN ROADS. She was only ever late 2 times and called off once during those 12 years due to weather.
Am I the asshole for being upset that she has been late so many times? I mean...me having to stay (nobody else to come in) cuts into my time to go shower, sleep, eat, and mentally prepare myself to come back to work for another 12 hour shift... Or Am I the Asshole for just being insensitive to a string of unfortunate mishaps that has befallen my coworker?
IDK | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
Kl0enJl0WcQ0TUayISBzB78QfyVnYw8t | b6ggz6 | {
"description": "not going to work on my day off",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going to work on my day off? | So basically, my job is very weather-dependent. If it’s raining or a darker day out, business ticks up, nice days it stays quiet. This is Florida, so that’s kinda a lottery any given day. We can have vastly different hours, let alone days, but for the most part, we’re well staffed enough.
Recently I got called on my day off, and it was one of those “we’re being swamped can you come in today?” Sorts of deals, and my first response was that I was sorry and I had plans. Fine and dandy, they let things go and said they’d get help somewhere else.
Well, the day after I was getting a few of those “not happy with you” vibes from them, and it made me question it a little, so uh. Yeah, here we are. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DpcEtvy6gNHwb5GcSIv887a4Lb4dJ4Yw | ahbbw4 | {
"description": "wanting this woman I've been saying to move out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting this woman I’ve been saying to move out | So I was dating this woman for two months, when she got laid off and told me she would have no place to go, and probably would have to go live far away with her parents. I didn’t want to stop seeing her, so I offered her a play to stay until she got back on feet.
That was four months ago. It’s become obvious she’s not going to leave now (my closet is filled with her clothes), she has decorated some, refers to my room as “our room”, has a vanity for makeup im my room and never talks about leaving anymore.
I wanted time to live by myself, I just got divorced a year ago and now I feel like I’m married again.
She is VERY comfortable here. | HISTORICAL | {
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"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BXowUpsO4MquiYG9KLvMsexGMBRd30CH | avule6 | {
"description": "being annoyed that I was left out of travel plans",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being annoyed that I was left out of travel plans? | I am slightly outside of the rules of this sub so I apologize in advance. I haven't had the argument yet, I more just want a little guidance....
​
My friends and I are late 20's unmarried guys. We did a guys trip a couple years ago to Europe and it was great. Planned it on a budget, stayed in hostels, drank too much, but had a great time. I found out today the same group minus me is heading to Switzerland for 10 days in May. I have been friends with these guys for over 20-years. Am I the asshole for feeling left out? What is the best way to open the conversation to say I was sad to hear I wasn't included? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | INFO | {
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} | RIGHT |
A1gGDU4n8nYDCpWArWaQaXNhrrx3ALh6 | a08617 | {
"description": "recommending a friend to invest in Bitcoin, only for it to decrease ~50% in value the following month resulting in him losing thousands of dollars",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for recommending a friend to invest in Bitcoin, only for it to decrease ~50% in value the following month resulting in him losing thousands of dollars. | I’m a software engineer that is really excited about Bitcoin and the potential it has. Most of my friend group has heard of Bitcoin, but don’t know exactly how it works/what it is.
After a hangout session with all of them, i walked home with one of my friends who wanted to know more about it. I explained at a high level how it works and it’s potential as a technology in addition to it possibly being a good investment option. I recommended that he should look into it for investment and that he could possibly profit greatly from it (considering it went from 1 cent to nearly 20k at one point). Well, I just received an angry call from him saying that I lost him thousands of dollars based on my recommendation (it went down recently about ~50%).
I know that he is clearly responsible for his investments, but AITA for recommending it? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 16,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
HHSOzWKNznyFs6a6N3MMrKfQlku3UDlk | b28uuv | {
"description": "not believing my friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not believing my friend? | So, i have this friend, we're pretty close, and I would consider him one of my best friends. He is "religious",and believes in the energy of the universe and stuff like that. I'm not oppose to this kind of belief, but I'm not a believer myself. This was no problem until recently, when he started saying that his consciousness is ascending, that he's begging to bend time and see the future and other nonsense. I'm worried because he is diagnosed with schizophrenia, he was fine until a couple of months ago, but I'm afraid that he's spiralling into a manic state. Idk what to do, because in one hand I don't want to say "hey, none of that is real" because it wouldn't bring any good, but I don't want to be conniving and just let things possibly get worse. AITA for not believing in him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dzD7rZUNEWZkxnUWcf2iCqWS5EZNanPv | b9r810 | {
"description": "cutting someone off even though I was driving like everyone else",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For Cutting Someone Off Even Though I was Driving Like Everyone Else? | For a bit of context, I just got my license yesterday after school (I still haven't even had it for 24 hours as of writing this) and I called my friend to see if he wanted to go and get something to eat; my treat.
So I was at an intersection that is very strangely positioned with one road (the one I'm trying to turn into) being straight while the other one (the one I was turning from) was diagonal and connected to a highway about a mile down. At this time (roughly 5:30PM), traffic was kinda shitty coming down the diagonal road from the highway. I was behind two cars who were also turning. The light went yellow and the first guy pulled out and turned, the second guy pulled out quickly as well, and as I passed the line and started into the intersection, the light was red. As I turned, I looked to my right and saw a woman in a black SUV screaming and hollering; I had just pulled out in front of her because I wasn't paying good enough attention (I have ADD that I take medicine for, but it had most likely worn off by that time, I was singing and half focusing on my music, and was also trying to focus on where the hell my friend lived; but none of those are excuses, just explaining my mental state at the time).
As I drove down the road and realized what I had done within only one and a half to two hours of getting my temporary license, I stopped singing and started shouting and cursing over how stupid I was. I pulled into the parking lot of a strip mall and called my dad and told him what happened (I never have much self-confidence in myself and if I screw up something I'm doing, I'll dwell on it and completely lose morale). My dad said his usual, "You've got to look out for shit like that, Will." But after sleeping on it I've began to wonder: is what I did make me an asshole?
I mean, I believe what I did was an asshole move and I should have been paying attention; but at the same time, the light turned red right when I crossed the line and had began starting into the intersection so if I stopped I would have been either blocking traffic or getting a chance of trading paint with a passing car. Either way, they are both asshole moves, but was what I chose make me a bigger asshole than the other option? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
CtYHQrVtBVBQ1JzK0DJwqM660ghHQX98 | ahey82 | {
"description": "pretending to love someone for months",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA For pretending to love someone for months? | Look, before you judge me harshly for the title, there was good reason.
CONTEXT: This person and I (We will call him George) had just met 2 days ago before we started dating. It was definitely way too fast and I didn't know enough about him to know what he was like.
Alright. This all started in August of 2016. I was in a Skype call with some of my new friends, including George. Everything was normal, we were watching one of the people create a YouTube channel banner. A few hours passed and we all decided we were going to end the call and start typing. George PM's me, just saying "Hi" which I have always found normal.
He starts asking me questions like what my favorite color is and what I like to eat, things like that. Again I find this normal as I then did the same thing. But then things started to get a little weird.
When I would leave to get a drink or something he would message me things like "Where did you go bb!!, You left ;-;" etc. I found this pretty strange at first but got used to it, thinking it was just something he did.
The next day he asked if he could be my boyfriend. I was pretty young and stupid (I still am young and stupid, but I was even more stupid lol) I ended up saying yes and things escalated quickly. We would send each other pictures of each other and call for hours a day.
A couple of months in I found myself uninterested. We had met prior and it was very awkward and humdrum.
In those couple of months, he started doing some infuriating things. When I wanted to go to sleep, he would spam me in my text messages with heart emojis. I ended up having to turn off all notifications for my phone because it annoyed me so much. Whenever I would be gone for more than a minute he would spam me asking where I went and if I was ignoring him. Eventually I did start pretending to have naps or be out with family so he wouldn't bother me.
I never brought up the fact that what he did was annoying me, but I did make it obvious that I was starting to become bored with the "relationship" (if you could call it that)
During the last 2 months, he ended up cheating on me with someone I was friends with, I knew but I didn't really care because at the time I was constantly ignoring him for other people and was planning on dumping him.
Februrary 2017 I told him that we couldn't see each other anymore. The excuse I made up was family issues. I finally felt a release when I was away from him and I do not regret any decisions I made/didn't make.
TL;DR. I was in a relationship with someone that I ended up not loving, I avoiding talking to him because he annoyed me and ended up dumping him for a fake reason.
So tell me, am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
xFDq8xxV1iRu5jYdB3YBZUeTr9CmEw9w | abvilk | {
"description": "not wanting to fill a role for a last minute dropout in my school play",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to fill a role for a last minute dropout in my school play? | This year, with all the new curricular activities and AP classes I’m taking I decided not to participate in the competitive one acts. It was a really hard decision for me as I love acting.
My friend just dropped out as the lead role because he says he’s on a “spiritual journey”. The director emailed me and pleaded I consider taking his place... they compete in the competition in two weeks, and were supposed to be off book (memorized) by today. If he cant find a replacement he will have to cancel the show. AITA for not wanting the extra workload and stress, even if it means possibly condemning the rest of the cast of the show? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uQLUcBcAYxcqCMtCazQ5GYNkuHUdogo7 | b5v6d6 | {
"description": "having reservations about adopting a child",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because I have reservations about adopting a child? | Some background:
My wife and I already have an awesome 4 year old son. We had talked about having 2 kids before we ever had him, but then after he was born everything was so great with just him that we weren't even sure we wanted a second kid anymore.
​
Lately he's been asking us if he can have a baby brother or sister. This has reopened the conversation about having a second kid (which we had discussed previously as probably not being in the cards anymore). Pregnancy is hell on a woman's body, and it was no different for her. She's nervous about it and I don't want to force her into having another pregnancy if she doesn't want to. That being said, she's been very gung ho recently on the idea of adopting a kid that has been through the foster system. I'm not even necessarily AGAINST the idea, but I just have a lot of concerns. For starters, while I'm sure I'd like and even love a child we adopted together, I worry that I'll never have the same bond with a child that is already a toddler or preschool age. Also I worry that, because this kid will likely have gone through hell that put it into the foster care system, we'll be adopting a whole cadre of potential issues with this child.
​
I'm perfectly happy with our little family of three, and I thought she was too. With our son asking us for a sibling, this has kind of blown the whole status quo straight apart it would seem. She told me she feels that, because of the reservations I have about adoption, I'm putting all this pressure on her to get pregnant. But at the end of the day, I would still be happy if we didn't have another kid at all. I don't know if I'm the asshole here, and maybe this is more of an r/offmychest post, but I'm really starting to feel like it... | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ty7Cz6mAfVnWHBgw9rMpbrJwoJOZYNQC | api081 | {
"description": "buying two seats on Southwest and not giving up one despite the open seating",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I bought two seats on Southwest and wouldn’t give up one despite the open seating? | I’m a nanny, and I fly with babies fairly often (toddlers now). One of things Boss and I did was buy an extra seat even when the kids were flying on our laps so that one/both of us could have a buffer between ourselves and other people.
On a flight like Southwest, where seating is open, would it make you the asshole to refuse to give up that open “free” seat even if the flight was extremely full or two people wanted to sit together? There are lots of reasons for having that seat (it makes feeding easier, your diaper bag can sit there within easy reach, it’s a place to put the baby) but it’s not necessary for a comfortable flight.
So WIBTA for telling people that the seat’s takes? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sB2xgOkVIUwuHfe2bFpeOBsHJGWttkTv | a954tm | {
"description": "not standing in my own home",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not standing in my own home? | We are having family over to our house for some pre-christmas things. We arent opening gifts uet or anything,and everyone is pretty relaxed. Until, my Aunt, starts yelling at the "kids" ( everyone under the age of 20 ) for sitting down.
A little bit of extra information on this Aunt, shes a huge Narcissist. She micromanages everything around her, and ruined my uncles 17th birthday party by instilling a bunch of rules for a group of teenagers, who were just roasting hotdogs on a fire and talking.
So, once again re-iterating that this is MY HOUSE, i dont get up. No one is standing except the people she is bothering, so its not like im taking anyones seat. Not to mention that i sit here almost every afternoon because i live there, and she doesnt.
After i refuse to get up ( and i say something along the lines of "I live here, and sit here everyday, you aren't making me stand ") she proceeds to lecture me aggressively, not quite yelling, and repeatedly attempts to pull me out of the chair. Calling me disrespectful and saying I'm ruining everyone elses time.
Fun fact. Im typing this from that same chair, but im getting some dirty looks. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
0gE5dJkt79YpBDkcSSuVI7Ic9nvSojuk | an3rlg | {
"description": "missing my girlfriend's (now ex girlfriend) birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for missing my girlfriend's (now ex girlfriend) birthday party | I am an engineer a couple of weeks ago I did some improvements on performance of our server which is good but it also crashed other modules.
To some extent my job was on the line because of this so called "fiasco" by non tech guys.
(I got fired anyway), so I decided to do whatever it takes to fix things up. I'm an expat on a work visa so I really wanted to save my job.
So it's her birthday, I wished her on my way to work(face to face) , during work I got pretty busy, ended up in my zone(I love my job), worked for long hours and totally forgot about the party.
Her dad calls me from her number, saying I ruined his daughter's birthday.
Panic stuck and I reached the venue when they were leaving, only to be called out an asshole, and get a finger from her, although her eyes were teary which made me feel bad.
Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 6,
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"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
Ad1LRAOz1jccCeLaFLG1SBPAiOPjsqdr | b5kqn6 | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend while at her family's house",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for breaking up with my girlfriend while at her family's house? | Throwaway. So we're both in the same college and our families live several hours apart from each other. There's a lot of reasons I want to break things off but the main one is *I've* become a toxic person (partly due to mental illness and partly just to being an asshole, I can work that out in therapy, preferably without any future partners until I'm better enough) and have been harmful to her and others.
The problem with breaking things off when college classes are in session is this: When classes are in session things are so intense and there are so many deadlines coming up, I don't want to jeapordize either of our academics with a big thing like a breakup. This is especially true when a break is on the horizon: work piles and piles up and it's hard to break up with someone when you have 3 papers due in as many days. I know the obvious solution is "just do them in advance" and I want to do that, should do that, and need to do that, but due to aforementioned mental issues that's probably not going to happen.
We are on spring break right now and I'm driving up to her house in a few days. I figured this might be the best time because she'll have her family around her, won't have work to do, won't have to see me anymore for a few days after I break up with her and leave, and can start the last leg of the semester with a clean break. But of course it's also the most assholish time because she'll be expecting a nice romantic week together. To add to that I had planned to drive her home at the end of break, which of course I'm still willing to do but practically speaking her options would be "take an awkward multi-hour car ride with the person who just dumped you" or "take the Greyhound," and everyone knows greyhound kinda sucks. Even if i pay for her ticket it would still suck.
She has no interest in a breakup (which I know makes it even worse!) so it will have to be me to do it.
WIBTA? If I don't break up with her now then when? Right when classes start? In the middle of class? Wait until summer? This cycle has gone on so long | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
lbsCpI49i8y6JRFAHUfZuiBkleTmgXcT | a4bgo5 | {
"description": "telling my bf he's made mistakes before in softball",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my bf he’s made mistakes before in softball. | So my family plays softball on a league as a way to hang out together and just have fun. We are not that good but we’ve been getting better and it’s been a fun 3 seasons. My (23/f) bf (28/m) used to play on his own team in a different league and when they were done for the season he joined our team. This is the first season he’s played with us. Now my bf is pretty good, especially compared to all my cousins and myself, but he’s really good in general.
Last night, he had invited some of his friends to watch the game since it was the last one of the season. So some info on my bf, he’s very confident. He’s not so much cocky but he knows he’s good and not afraid to admit it. The rest of the team had left at this point and it was just his 3 friends and the wife of one of them. We were all sitting around eating and drinking beer. When his playing skills came into the conversation. He was saying how he never makes mistakes and hadn’t made a mistake at any game all season long. Now i don’t know much of the sport and I’ve only been playing for 2 seasons, but I know enough to know when someone makes a mistake as simple as the ball rolled too fast and the person wasn’t able to catch it in time. So I just kind of joked and was like come on, you’ve made mistakes before. And denied it saying he’s NEVER made mistakes, because he was that good. I continued and told him, of course he’s really good but he’s accidentally let a ball go past him a couple of times during the season, at least twice.
At this point his friends were kind of laughing and one of his other friends was agreeing saying yeah he made 2 today. My bf continued saying he never had and that I’m always his biggest hater, I joked that I just like to keep him grounded so he won’t get a big head. I noticed he was mad at this point and told him again that yes he’s really good. I was trying to touch his leg and kinda diffuse the moment and he just kept saying loudly not to touch him like 3 times when I would playfully try to touch him or his hand. I tried to laugh it off and he got up to get a pitcher of beer. His friends were laughing saying that he was mad and that he’s super confident and has a big head. They were also saying how he wasn’t going to come sit back down with us because me and the other friend had upset him for saying he made mistakes. For the rest of the night, he kind of just stopped looking at me or my direction and didn’t try to talk to me. They were all his friends, so I kind of just sat there. His friends wife and me talk when we see each other and we had previously talked about going to a club and she asked if we still wanted to go this weekend. I was telling her yeah and she was kinda just smiling at me like well if you still have a boyfriend, since at this point he was still not talking to me. (My bf and i have had a rocky relationship in the past and he’s been known to blow things out of proportion and “break up” with me a few times. Many times with that couple that was there.) I just kind of laughed it up and said we still could all go, since I was free the next night. My bf made a comment that “of course she’d go” and I just told her again we’re both free and we could all go.
On the way home, my bf and me stopped at in n out and we just kind of sat in silence. As well as the rest of the ride home. Once I was home, I sent him a text saying he didn’t have to be so rude over such a trivial comment, and like I repeatedly told him, I wasn’t saying he wasn’t good. And just that next time he could hang out with his friends without me. Since it was embarrassing to have him ignore me the rest of the night and being told not to touch him. He then sent me a wall of text saying I was legit hating and that I don’t know sport talk so what I said was very disrespectful. That I always make him into a pos bf and out him down like no one has in his life. All I honestly said was you’re really good but you’ve made a couple of mistakes sometimes. He said I can’t give him positive criticism since I don’t know the sport to know what’s considered an error. Just pretty much that I turn him into a pos bf by exaggerating things and then acting like I don’t scratch at him too.
So am I the asshole for speaking I’ll of his softball skills when I don’t know the sport?
Sorry for the wall of text! And for any mistakes, I’m typing this out on my phone.
| HISTORICAL | {
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8Y454bBLNTpJiPukPOrqopSLUy2vSV6v | a3gvqu | {
"description": "not picking up on my friend's hints",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not picking up on my friend's hints? | I was with my group of friends last night and it was starting to get late so people start leaving one by one. Eventually, it ends up just being me, my friend, and another newer girl to our group. We are all sitting, just talking and listening to music for a while until the girl eventually decided to leave. Right when the girl leaves my friend is fuming and starts yelling at me saying stuff like "how stupid can you be, pick up on the damn hints." I'm just kinda sitting there at this point with my mouth wide open. Apparently he wanted to make a move on her but obviously, that would have been a little awkward with the three of us all together. My friend has never told me anything about their relationship before this, and I did not notice any 'hints' he was giving me to apparently just leave. What boggles me the most is he easily could have pulled me aside for a second and explained the situation and told me to leave, would not have been a problem. Am I the asshole for not picking up on his hints? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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5rEDJHk89CChpp8spAfYEM67bCi8hpJV | 9zq0uz | {
"description": "yelling at my roommate to be quiet at 3am",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for yelling at my roommate to be quiet at 3am? | So this happened last night with one of my roommates...
I went to sleep at around 2am and she knew that as I had told her that I would be sleeping soon. My roommate likes to work from the living room instead of her room since it helps her to be more focused and she sometimes watches Youtube or w/e and I can hear it from my bedroom (either the walls are super thin or I have bat-like hearing). Now usually I don't mind this and I have never called her out on the noise coming from a video.
However, my roommate also likes to facetime her friends but it is harder for her since there is a 3 hour time difference between time. So she calls them at 2am here while it's 11pm there. She had the call going at a pretty high volume and was talking into her laptop without using her earphones which has a mic built in.
I thought I could withstand the constant laughing and rapid fire girl talk and just lie there on my bed to sleep (I even tried putting in my noise cancelling earphones but I could still hear their high pitched speech). After 30mins of trying to sleep, I had enough. At first I texted her at 2:39am with "can you be quiet pls", which she responded with sorry and lowered her overall sound output (talking and laptop sound) from an 8 to a 6 (my relative scale of loudness). Another 5 mins goes by and I message her again at 2:44am and ask if she is using her earphones and its built-in mic. I also straight up tell her that she is being loud and that I can't sleep because of it.
She shuts off her facetime and proceeds to wait a few minutes before watching Youtube without earphones at a 2 on my volume scale (don't you think the average person would take a hint and use earphones for the sake of common courtesy??). Normally I would be ok with this since it wasn't THAT LOUD but I was so ticked off and I openly yelled "DO YOUR EARPHONES NOT WORK??!?"
She has the audacity to message me "yo if its loud just text me like i reduced the volume to half and its even quiet for me, you dont need to yell like that LOL" after I had already messaged her twice. She then says that our other roommate doesn't complain about the noise and he's closer to the living room and suggests that I have "sensitive ears". She follows that up with "it was rly weird LOOOL you have weird anger issues".
Finally, peace and quiet. Too much to ask for at 3AM IN THE MORNING apparently without having "anger issues" (we are also university students btw and luckily I didn't have classes this morning). Now I get that I shouldn't have yelled like that but I was pushed to my limit. This type of incident where she was being too loud late at night has happened a couple of times in the past and I had called her out each time on the noise. But this was the first time that she tried to call me out on being "suddenly" angry.
What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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XGlQ0du9pR7zV4Urltvq95EegNrHyb7n | b42h61 | {
"description": "not wanting to pitch in for a coworkers farewell party",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to pitch in for a coworkers farewell party? | I started working at this company 3 months ago and last week one of the employees was leaving after a few years of working at the company. So, one of my coworkers arranged a fare well party and sent an email invitation to the entire department. (Approximately 70 people) I was busy with work and couldn't attend (although I did say bye to him as he was leaving and wished him the best).
So after the party, he sent a message to the official work group chat saying that the cost of the party was about 8 dollars for each person and listed his bank information for us to transfer the money to his account.
At this point I felt like this was weird (I never agreed to this party) and I ignored the message for a few days. Till he came to my desk the other day asking if I transferred him the money.
For the sake of preserving my work relationships, I left him the cash at his desk before I left work today.
TLDR: Coworker arranged a farewell party for another employee. Invited the whole department (70 ppl) and then send us a message asking saying that we all owed him 8 dollars for the party. I ignored the messages because I couldn't attend/didnt agree to the party. He came asking for it, I acted like I didnt see his messages and gave him the money in order to avoid conflict at work.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
238OiuPvuadPPx3qrlohw4LE3YXXhejh | aewq2k | {
"description": "not wanting to rekindle a friendship with my former best friend after her abusive ex made her cut contact with me",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to rekindle a friendship with my former best friend after her abusive ex made her cut contact with me? | we were tied at the hip since we were 4 and met in kindergarten and I always considered her my best friend in the whole world. no one else even came close. she had a really rough time with mental illness in our teens and attempted suicide multiple times. I supported her through that and was her shoulder to cry on. it was really a really difficult time but I couldn't abandon her like all our other friends did because she was hard to deal with and very emotionally draining. a bit after she got a handle on her mental illness she met this guy and started hanging out with him a lot. we were 16 or so and he was 25 if I recall correctly. I thought it was kinda weird that he would hang out with a highschool kid but I didn't think much of it as she has always had weird friends. I hung out with both of them for the first time after they met because I was curious about this dude she had become such fast friends with. hanging out with him was awful. they picked me up from my house in his car and this guy starts doing 180km/hr down the residential streets. he's purposefully swerving all over the place because he thinks it's fun and my friend and him are laughing and having a great time and I'm just frozen in fear in the back seat. at one point he let's go of the wheel completely and asks my friend to steer because he wanted to send a text message. I learned later that he was on coke. so I was freaked the fuck out but miraculously we got to our destination in one piece. we were gonna have a bonfire beside the lake. he whipped out a blunt and started smoking it which made me very uncomfortable since he was my ride home. (as I write this I'm kicking myself for getting back in the car with him I should have called my mother to rescue me but teenagers are stupid) then he starts getting really racist. talking about some guy he knows and calling him a nigger. I'm mixed so this made me super uncomfortable and I guess he noticed and went on that rant racists go on about how not all black people are niggers, only the bad ones. I mostly just sat quietly until he and my friend decided the beach was boring and they drove me back home.
when they met he had a girlfriend and after about a year they broke up. I later learned it was because he beat her up and choked her unconscious and that it was not the first time he had abused her physically and put his hands around her neck but this time it was bad enough that she left him and filed a police report. my friend said that the ex was a liar who had cheated on this guy and was just generally trash talking her. I thought the guy was awful and dangerous before but now huge red flags are going off in my head. I told her to talk to the ex and get her side of the story before she makes judgements and that I thought he was dangerous and that I didn't think she should hang out with him. she assured me she was fine and I mean I'm not her mom, I couldn't stop her, so I just told her to be safe. I would still express concern to her about it every so often because she seemed to be getting more and more into this guy and spending a lot of time with him. she assured me they weren't dating and I believed her. they were probably dating at that time I think but a bit later they became an official couple and I was shocked and scared for my friend. when his ex found out she sent her a long heartfelt message where she said that she was too young for him and that he was preying on her, that if she dated him he would do all the things that he had done to her and she begged her to end the relationship. my friend called her names and said she was lying. eventually he began to manipulate her and control her, telling her what to wear, yelling at her and insulting her in front of people, and he always had to know where she was and who she was with. then she confided in me that he slapped her hard across the face during an argument. I said she should leave him. all of our friends were begging her to leave him. but she wouldn't, insisted it wasn't that bad and talked about how nice he was otherwise. the stuff you hear all the time from abuse victims. a month after this she drops by my house one day and says that he doesn't want her hanging out with me anymore.
I don't have a doubt in my mind it was because of my race. our white friends would be invited to hang out with them and he would call me a nigger around them. after that it's like I stopped existing to her. she didn't talk to me for 2 years. it was so hard. it's one of the most painful things to happen to me and i felt so sad and angry and hurt and abandoned. I kept up with the happenings of her life through friends for a while and the abuse escalated until he was doing all the same things to her that he did to his ex. eventually I stopped asking because I came to the conclusion that our friendship was done forever and that I had to move on. it took me most of those 2 years to get to a point where it didn't hurt anymore and I had moved on. after they broke up again she messaged me on Facebook. I can't remember if she apologized but I'm sure she did. and when she turned up again I realized that I wasn't as over it as I thought I was and that I was still very hurt over what happened. regardless I accepted her apology and we hung out. it wasn't the same as before. I guess our time apart had changed us into different people, or maybe my hurt feelings were why it didn't really feel right. I would respond to her messages when she sent me them but at this time I started having my own mental health issues and started to slowly lose contact with all my friends and isolate myself. we talked less and less until we just weren't talking at all anymore. we'd hang out occasionally but not frequently and because of how depressed I was I imagine I wasn't much fun. I feel like she assumed I was acting this way on purpose and only with her because she sent me a message a little while ago and she was pretty upset with me. she said that I was punishing her for being abused and that it wasn't her fault that she cut me off. I honestly wasnt trying to do that at the time but I've done some thinking about it and I don't think I can continue being her friend. it just reminds me a lot of how lonely senior year was without her. I feel like I'm an awful person for doing this. she was abused horribly and I know about how hard it is for victims to leave their abusers and how messed up your mind gets when you're being abused like that but at the same time I can't get over being dropped like that. and the fact that it was because of my race cut really deep. I went to a school with only a handful of other black kids and I encountered a lot of racism there and it was awful. I think I would maybe be able to get over it if it wasn't for that but idk. sorry this is so long
TLDR: my friends racist abusive ex boyfriend made her drop me (most likely because of my race) and now that she wants to be back in my life I'm not sure I can accept her as a friend again. am I the asshole here? am I punishing her for being abused?
sorry for length and any typos as I found writing this very upsetting and I don't want to proofread it | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
4QKB3UnzqZ9ahsylg8Z5ARVxSyK4dMAN | b0fyx1 | {
"description": "saying that just because someone does not believe in Heaven does not mean that they do not go to Heaven? I am an agnostic",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for saying that just because someone does not believe in Heaven does not mean that they do not go to Heaven? I am an agnostic. | Awhile back, someone commented on a Facebook post about Stephen Hawking going to Heaven, saying that they should be respectful of his beliefs and that he probably did not go to Heaven because he does not believe in Heaven. I am agnostic so I am uncertain, but I said that that is technically not true. Someone can believe that a god specifically and consciously *chooses* to not send people to Heaven if they do not believe and to send them to Heaven if they believe. However, it is not illogical nor impossible nor in part of the mechanism to believe in it in order to go there. Heaven either does exist or does not exist.
I replied to the person's comment saying that someone who believes in Heaven might not go to Heaven, and someone who does not believe in Heaven might go to Heaven, explaining that it either does or does not exist. This person was not religious, but kept repeating themselves to me as tho I did not get it. Yes, I get that they should be respectful by not making the original post. However, I just said that if Heaven does or does not exist, it is not *impossible* for someone not believing to go to Heaven and someone not believing to not go to Heaven, and they got angry and accused me of not respecting his beliefs. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
iyrNrQs3krkbAeTiMIi36nA8tr5FzeV1 | ba4vf9 | {
"description": "wanting to get rid of my wife's great grandparents bed",
"pronormative_score": 130,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For wanting to get rid of my wife's great grandparents bed? | My issue specifically is with the mattress. It grosses me out that we have a mattress from 1906 that has had 3-4 generations of people sleeping in it. At least two of those generations were married couples.
The mattress weighs literally 200lbs, we're about to move into a new house and I don't want to move that matress anywhere except the dump.
She's attached to it because it's comfortable, and she grew up sleeping on it.
She just wants to use it for a kid's bed or a guest bed. And I just don't want to have anyone sleep on it.
I'm good with keeping the frame and headboard and everything. It's a piece of family history which I value highly. Just not the mattress. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 113,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 17,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 130,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
OfsBCCaJZVKZxVO3P1eFB9FRWCN3RClp | a29ic0 | {
"description": "wanting more sex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting more sex? | I’ve been in a relationship for a few years now with a girl I’ve known for quite some time. At the beginning of our relationship we had a very active sex life and we would do it almost every day of the week. Being a college kid I felt that was necessary to relieve stress and get my mind off of things. Not to mention the fact that my testosterone levels are probably at their peak.
Recently the number of times per week has decreased anywhere from 5-20 times, to 1-2 times a week if I’m lucky. I am very into this girl and enjoy the time we spend together, and although sex isn’t the backbone of our relationship, it is still important to me.
I’ve never become angry with her over the fact, but I have brought it up multiple times and she has said she wants to have more sex but in the weeks following it will just steady out back to the bare minimum. We spend so much time alone together and quite honestly, we get bored a lot, which is another reason I would think that sex should be more prevalent.
I don’t want to make this a big issue between the two of us but I can’t see myself with someone who has so little sex especially when we had so much only a year ago.
Am I the asshole for being frustrated with this lack of sex? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
BKX4qptJKCroRDQwGHwf1C9ZiIkzdzp9 | a7opf2 | {
"description": "not meeting my new girlfriends parents on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not meeting my new girlfriends parents on her birthday | So some back ground, I had just moved states and met this girl on tinder. I’ve only been dating her for about 3 months and I’ve only know her for about 5. Yesterday my 13 year old sister overdosed on DMX. She’s currently in the hospital and going to a psych ward in the following days.
AITA for canceling plans with my girlfriend for dinner and meeting her parents on her birthday? She’s been arguing with me since I have an alternative that would be me going to see just her and giving her gifts. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1OQh52Ts1pynQDF5z0hFIwRgWfB93wiL | 9tltzu | {
"description": "being heated with my friend because of other things going on",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being heated with my friend because of other things going on? | So, me and a friend were planning on going to a concert a while back, and we were going to take my car because her car wasn’t exactly the best. However, about a week before the concert I got into a really bad accident, totaled my car, and ended up with a concussion.
Not long after the accident happened I texted her saying “hey we’re gonna need to take your car” because my car currently had a tree sticking out of the rear passenger side.
She started complaining because she wasn’t sure her car was gonna make it and I really wasn’t in the mood so I ended up saying “just figure out what the fuck you want to do and get back to me I really don’t want to deal with this right now” to which she responded “look just because you wrecked your car is no reason for you to be an asshole to me”
Am I really an asshole in this situation? Or I guess a better question is was I a justified asshole, because I know I should have been nicer but I really wasn’t in the mood to be nice when my head was pounding.
I ended up leaving her on read because I was already nauseous and in pain due to the concussion and I didn’t need to deal with that on top of it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
a1J4TxVpGO7K6aRfMuRljFFrKoVP0rL1 | acrp88 | {
"description": "cutting off a friend because she's being very critical of our friendship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for cutting off a friend because she's being very critical of our friendship? | This might be a bit of a read but I'll try make it as short and to the point as possible.
I met a girl on campus (let's call her Jane) and we initially clicked based off similarities we had. We immediately developed a quick bond and friendship, based off honesty and being able to speak freely with one another.
She quickly caught feelings for me so I told her that I'm in a relationship with someone else. This caused a bit of initial confusion, but we agreed to continue our friendship. Our friendship, however, was a bit too personal. It bordered on emotional cheating, and I definitely wasn't being respectful to my GF in maintaining my friendship with Jane.
During my friendship with Jane, she would constantly mention how she'd never allow what was happening between us to happen if she was my GF. I found this annoying because whilst she would call out our friendship as being wrong, she would still send me hearts and mention how good of a friend I am etc etc. There were times when I would purposefully try to maintain some distance between her and I, but she would call me out on it.
Anyway.. not so long ago, Jane and her ex decided to patch things up and got back together. This put Jane in a tough spot since she still had feelings for me, but also wanted to work things out with her ex. She now found herself in the same position I was in, having to balancing her relationship with our friendship.
Anyway, fast forwarding to the present, Jane has become much more critical of our friendship. She doesn't want to cut it off, but she feels that our current friendship is making her disloyal and disrespectful to her partner, and not allowing her to be completely there for her partner.
Now this brings me to my question. I'd firstly like to point out that I am undoubtedly the asshole for ever allowing this to happen. I am completely aware of that. It was wrong and disrespectful to my GF. I'm not asking for judgement on that part, I know I was wrong.
But I want to know whether I'd be the asshole if I decided to cut off Jane as a friend. We promised one another that we'd be there for each other, but now things have changed. I think Jane is a bit hypocritical because she was perfectly fine with all this when I was the one having to balance the morals of having a close female friend whilst still being in a relationship. But now that she's in a similar position, she's being very critical of our friendship.
I still care about her as a friend, but I feel like our friendship should just be cut off. Would I be the asshole for breaking the promise we made and cutting contact with her? (I'd tell her this, not just ghost her)
TL;Dr: Became very close with a friend, even though I had a GF. She was initially fine with it. Now that she got back with her ex, she's become very critical of our friendship and I want to cut contact with her. WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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lswHK1sqmiL0AXfwYvWEFh2yIbpRr9W3 | abypf4 | null | AITA: Genuine ask: Reading when Husband wants to sleep? | First post got removed for improper title formatting, this is a resubmit, sorry and thanks all.
Little holiday treat for you all: I’m not looking for validation, but for genuine feedback. I’ll trust your consensus and adjust my behaviour accordingly.
My husband and I have differing sleep schedules. Often I can’t sleep because of my PTSD and anxiety disorder. The general advice is to not force yourself to try to sleep, but to do gentle, non-screen activities instead until you feel sleepy.
My husband is neurotypical (doesn’t have any chronic disorders at all) and falls asleep instantly. He’s generally not okay with me staying up to read in a different room, as he wants us to go to bed together. He also doesn’t like the lamp being on too long. I bought a book light, but this still bothers him. I’ve offered him my sleep masks, but he doesn’t want to wear them.
Now, from my perspective, I’ve already tried to compromise by going to bed when I’m not tired, buying a book light, and offering him sleep masks. From his perspective, I should listen to a podcast instead until I get tired, as this causes no light. However, I don’t always feel like listening to a podcast right away, and reading is often the best way to help me wind down.
Again, he won’t accept me reading in a different room, as he wants me to go to bed at the same time as him.
Reddit, what do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 18,
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} | RIGHT |
tgaiB26vLNW761YNDviGE8qu7PXnwvg7 | a0dvvv | {
"description": "wanting to have my mouse",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting to have my mouse. | So recently I have gotten into PC games (CS, Fortnite, PUBG, etc.). My dad is going back to school (he has his own laptop) and we usually play in the same room as our house is small.
Recently his wireless mouse broke so one day I notice my mouse for the PC goes missing.
At first I thought it was my little sister, who is 2 and is always messing with everything and loves to sit at the computer next to me while I play.
Then my dad says he took it for his computer. Now, his computer has a touchpad and mine doesn’t, and almost every other mouse we have doesn’t work.
He says that “He can’t work as well” with a touchpad, and gets work done faster and better. So, everyone I go to play my games he is always 10 minutes behind me and asks for the mouse.
I usually like to play with my friends from school who dont have phones or who live to far away for me to hang out with them a lot.
Am I the Asshole for wanting the mouse back? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
rB74a3iB577msUERUYYsgPp5ayHrKF2v | azg4u0 | {
"description": "hating my aunt",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for hating my aunt | Okay so context, my aunt is well off. We are not as fortunate however we are still fairly wealthy.
Okay so every Saturday or so my family and my grandparents have lunch together (and sometimes with the aunt and her family) now our grandparents have a great time and go after a couple of hours, which is all well and good but the aunt stays for HOURS. I’m talking them arriving at 2 and leaving at 10pm. Not only that but she has 2 very bratty and young kids, one starting school the other in year 3 who trash the place every time without fail leaving me and my sister to clean up. She also leave their kids at our house where the youngest one has to be literally dragged up the stairs to go to bed and the older one destroying the house.
they also leave there dog, one that isn’t ‘potty trained’ and smells, at our house for days on end and don’t give thanks afterwards. Am I the asshole for hating them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
VmxsGf7k2RQ7iRJAgMkpFkrFWdPtkeAd | ablk65 | {
"description": "being irritated by my neighbor's loud music",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being irritated by my neighbor's loud music? | This morning I woke up to loud music that I could hear pretty clearly from my apartment. I live on the third floor of my building and the walls are pretty thick so I don't usual hear anything from the neighboring apartments unless they get pretty loud. Regardless, I just assumed it was someone in the building and it was irritating but I didn't think much of it.
An hour or so later I went out to walk my dog and found the source of the noise was actually a man two or three buildings over who had set up two speakers and was playing his music at top volume. I live in the city and the buildings on my block are lined right up against each other so this actually wasn't much of a distance. Not shocking that I could hear it from my apartment given how loud it was. He was drinking something out of a red solo cup and shouting Happy New Year to everyone who walked by. When I passed him and he said it to me I ignored him, so he repeated himself and then I grumbled Happy New Year and kept walking because I was miffed about the loud music. He said something like "Is it really that bad?" but I ignored him and kept walking.
After I finished my dog's walk I felt kind of bad. I found the loud music very annoying but I guess he was just celebrating so I don't know if I was being unnecessarily snarky. I tend to keep mostly to myself and I'm not really an overly friendly neighbor in the first place so I don't know if anyone else would have been more friendly to the guy. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UEAGJHMoCG0OzauDMEerxmwirgCFjADq | albgae | {
"description": "not wanting to come out",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to come out? | TL;DR: I'm 31m, in a relationship with 29m, nearing our fifth year together. We aren't out as gay. A few months ago, my partner did a 180 degree turn on his opinions and now he wants to start telling people we're a couple. He's angry with me for not agreeing. Am I the asshole here? Because I feel like I'm going slightly mad.
Hi guys. Hoping to get someone impartial to weigh in on the bind I'm in because I'm too emotionally invested in this whole situation.
Some further explanations are in order, so here goes. My partner has been dealing with some mental health issues over the past year, including seemingly random panic attacks and increasing anxiety. He figured the stress was work-related and started seeing a therapist as per his GP's recommendation.
Long story short, he's unpacked some bottled-up stuff that's been causing him distress, which apparently included not being out as gay. I supported my partner when he decided to come out to his sister, though I made it clear I didn't want him to involve me personally.
Ever since, I've been feeling resentment from him and we've been arguing. When we sat down to get to the bottom of the issue, he accused me of "smothering him" by insisting on staying closeted myself, and consequently a couple. I don't even personally see this as a closet issue, but as a desire to keep the different facets of my life separate. I've always been like this, just don't like opening up and I think people are too prying in general. I'm not close to any of my family members or friends anymore (most of them live abroad), and I see no point in disclosing my personal relationships to co-workers. Also, we don't live in the most accepting place on Earth, so even though I'm technically legally protected for my sexuality, what's to stop my boss firing me under a different pretense if she were to find out?
I'm no activist and I don't want all that potential trouble. I'm comfortable with how my life is and don't want to change the relationships I have now. I thought my partner shared my viewpoint, seeing as he was even more reserved than me when we'd just started dating. He's never mentioned being unsatisfied with our relationship or hinted at wanting to be explicitly known as a couple until these past couple of months.
So Reddit, am I the asshole here? I support my partner coming out to his own friends and family if that's what he needs for his own peace of mind, but I don't want to do that myself. I know it's a complicated issue on some level because we're together. But we also have our separate needs and personalities. What is your take on this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
3yQB6UhS6U0ANKep2ClwETS57Kl2E8yt | b3nhbf | {
"description": "calling out a sonogram thief",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling out a sonogram thief? | i’ve been following this girl on facebook for years. we’re from the same county but she’s literally crazy. 2 years ago she posted a sonogram and she was pregnant. i could tell it was falsified but never said anything. well today she announces her second pregnancy. she had a “miscarriage” with the first one.
so i reverse google image searched both of her sonograms. the results came back from a website called blackinfantmemorial.com and i was instantly infuriated. how can you take someone’s dead child’s pictures and try to gain attention from it? well, i made 2 collages and made comments with both of them on her post. how do people even edit sonograms to have their name on them, i wondered. so i went to the iOS store and downloaded UltraSoundPrank. the picture she used is LITERALLY the only sonogram on that app that you don’t have to pay for. this is a bad situation all around, she’s asleep so she hasn’t saw any of my comments or anyone else’s yet. but i really don’t feel like i’m wrong for it. that’s someone’s child that you’re using. that’s someone’s son that you’re making think he has a child on the way. so many people are telling her congratulations and it’s clearly staged. AITA for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
QuWkl95vce3LJahLSanHqG8lr9jtXG6f | 9zkx3h | {
"description": "making a mom joke",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for making a mom joke? | me and my SO are going at as people do and we were doing doggystyle. during said doggystyle she says "fuck your dick so big" (im not but she is a sweetheart.) anyways i couldnt pass up the chance and said "thanks my mom made it for me!" and then she stopped and is still mad at me for ruining the mood, despite that being a great joke. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
F6uXYOoWUCCv8AvrCaELSsecrEy7nfmv | arylc0 | {
"description": "not paying for my friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not paying for my friend? | Some context: about a year ago a very good friend of mine lost his father to heart related issues. He and his family had been struggling with money for a while well before this; he had told me a few weeks prior that they weren't paying for their house anymore and were refusing to leave until the bank came to take it from them (something along those lines, I'm young and have no idea about this stuff). His father had to leave his job as a chemical engineer because his mother was diagnosed with MS and was unable to work/ take care of herself. On top of this, they were paying his older brother through college.
Fast forward to today. We're seniors in high school, it's 2nd semester, and senior events are coming up rapidly. He expressed an interest in coming to our senior party, but said he was unable to afford it. I offered to help him, and talked to my dad about his situation. My dad is a teacher at our high school, so he was able to find out that one of our assistant principals typically helps people in this situation with Prom and other events. He would be willing to meet us halfway to pay for a ticket.
In the past few weeks, however, something has changed. This same friend who told myself and several other mutual friends that he couldn't afford a $55 ticket has bought a Nintendo Switch, a new phone, and a guitar within the past month. He also bought a plane ticket to go to California and meet his e-girl. Obviously these were red flags to me, since I had agreed to pay for him under the pretext that he couldn't afford it and had gotten my dad to agree to help me pay for him to go to prom. I confronted him about this last night, and he told me he's got 18-years worth of savings for himself. He also blocked me after this conversation.
Our mutual friends are remaining pretty silent about this and removed, though one of them has told me privately that he believes this friend of ours is using me for my dad. I feel bad because of all he's had to go through, but if he has enough money to buy all these things for himself, why should I pay for him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6hJfYHFicnjBWitHvM6ajUgXANDMCWqh | 9us6p9 | {
"description": "giving 0 fucks",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving 0 fucks? | There's a girl in my school who doesn't get along with many people. She's generally annoying and it seems like she tries so hard to fit in that she doesn't fit in at all. She also seems like a bit of an attention whore, as she's often loud and goes on about her gayness. I'm not homophobic. I don't see straight people bragging about their straightness so I don't want to see anyone doing the same.
The other day, I was walking back from school with her (we walk the same way. I wouldn't if I had the choice, I'd rather walk alone.) and she started trying to talk to me about some real shit, to do with "depression" (multiple times she's been "exposed" for faking depression. There's little evidence either way, but it really comes across as fake) and I told her as nicely as I could that I can't help her.
Today, she got mad at me for this. She says that no one else can understand her so I should try to help her out. However, even if she isn't faking - if she genuinely has something wrong - I simply don't care that much about most other people, including her. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
G0zAq5UwiHU82ZtROG6AwXKp1BguhCgX | akh1js | {
"description": "trying to separate myself from my friends for mental health reasons",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to separate myself from my friends for mental health reasons | I am apart of a once tightly knit group who all struggle with mental health issues. Depression, gender dysphoria, suicidal thoughts etc. My issues are probably the least severe in the group, so I don't like talking about my problems, which is why I've been fighting my self hatred by myself since my breakup. It got really bad that it was effecting them, so I tried to separate myself from them until I got better.
It didn't go so well. They started questioning me about my reasons and tried to paint me like manipulative douche (and a racist which I have no clue why they thought that). I'm honestly uneasy about coming back cause I feel like I'll be unwelcome after that shitshow. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qqwWbfRRVhVxZZmJ5sImobE8t260r5fw | ae2kt7 | {
"description": "telling my current boss a new opportunity became available",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I tell my current boss a new opportunity became available | I am working part-time during college and I’m about to leave my current job for a job that will pay me ~$2 more per hour plus tips.
My mom asked me how I plan to tell my boss that I’m going to leave. I said I would say I was grateful for the opportunity to work at _____ Company but a new opportunity became available.
My mom says this shows how ungrateful I am towards the company. AITA if I include “a new opportunity became available to me” in my 2 weeks notice? I don’t think this is wrong, but it’s honest. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
of5ZF8OCpjb7Fcb2rYMZ27FgNuE66ntF | al50en | {
"description": "not paying rent and then getting mad about the eviction notice",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not paying rent and then getting mad about the eviction notice | Okay so it’s kinda a long story but I’ve been living pretty far from my parents since college and I recently moved 10 minutes away into a property they own. They wanted me to move back home so they could get to know their grandkids. I was told that if I moved here I would be GIVEN the house and later that was modified to living rent free and that was the main reason I moved. I was pregnant when we moved so we were a family of 3 - now 4 - on a 20k/yr salary.
The neighborhood we moved into is upper middle class and we are... broke bitches. So it’s out of my price range. I was gonna move to a place o could afford but the promise of free rent caused me to move here.
Once I arrived I was told rent would be 1000/month. I kept up at first but it was almost impossible as the cost of living is also more expensive here. We have someone who lives in the basement so now we pay 700/month. But after I gave birth my partner took a month off (he saved his paid leave) but his employers fucked up and wouldn’t put him back on the schedule for over 2 months.
I talked to my parents about this and they verbally agreed that I would pay 300 a month until my partner started working again. First priority is diapers and food for the kids.
Then my dad and I got into a fight - he likes to throw my son (who was 1.5 yrs old at the time) around, but I’m not okay with that - my dad is 70 and frail and my son is 30lbs. He also gives him weapons to play with. When I said that we not allowed he told me that it was okay. So I told him he can’t be around my kids until he can listen to directions.
Two days later I was given an eviction notice citing that it was due to me not paying rent. We came to an agreement that he isn’t to throw my kids around anymore and he rescinded the notice and thinks that he should be able to stop by and play with the kids but I’m not ready.
I’m so hurt that he gave me an eviction notice because he was mad instead of just listening to directions or having a conversation with me that he was that angry. My mom agrees that his behavior was very dangerous but that didn’t stop the eviction notice. He’s now getting mad that I am not over the eviction notice and thinks that I have no right to be mad.
I know I wasn’t paying rent but an eviction notice feels so extreme to a me. Oh and by the way when he sent the notice I my daughter had just hit 6 weeks old.
Also I know he would have evicted me. He did the same to my older sister - I didn’t know this until after the fact when I talked to her about it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
22kLF4XTC6PoOQuprjLAdaubfuVVUEtI | aprt2q | {
"description": "getting mad at my friends for not celebrating my birthday with me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at my friends for not celebrating my birthday with me | Hey guys,
So back in middle school/high school I didnt have many friends, I was a weirdo, the weirdo that works out and sings pretty darn well and plays the guitar. My sexual experience also only started at 17.6 but since I've been going wild. I didnt have a lot of experience with people nor friendships because I think I might have a trust issue. I'm a handsome guy, well, with my beard, I used to workout a lot before I broke my collarbone and tore a muscle, but my body still looks tone. Anyways, whenever people started getting closer, it's either they wanted it more than me, and in response I backed off, or I wanted to go out with them all the time. And when they went out with other people without inviting me I got hurt.
So, the real story. I had a birthday last friday, and it was my first birthday that I actually had the chance to do something, to party and to drink with friends, because I finally had some that were around and liked parties. So I felt like it should be a special occasion. 2 weeks prior my birthday, another friend of theirs has a birthday, and they went out with him 2 days in a row. So I expected they would treat me the same, after all back in the days we were best friends in elementary school (we drifted apart and got back in contact at the age of 19, I'm 20 now).
They told me they want to go out but too tired because they went snowboarding.
On Saturday, a day after the special day, 2 of them went out with other people, and I saw it on their instagram and got pretty down because of it.
I might not be engaging, or be overly hurt, but I just truly feel betrayed because we started getting real close. And although I might not value birthdays, because I never actually properly celebrated it with friends, I still felt as if they should've done something special for me..
So I just stopped engaging a lot with them.. and took my anger out on weed and had sex with different women in a row already.. so I'm not in the best place. Btw same things goes with women, either I'm too into them and they're not as much, and I get hurt, or they're into me and I'm not so much. Idk how to change that
Am I an asshole to expect them to celebrate with me? And good thing to note, one of the friends that was supposed to go out with me, but canceled, just opened a group to celebrate his birthday in a month. So.. ???
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
LJN49Rr8mCTgR36JQejKgjFlYZRokmv2 | apuu4n | {
"description": "clapping back on a woman who turned out to be deranged after she made a huge scene on me buying meat products in a grocery store",
"pronormative_score": 234,
"contranormative_score": 47
} | AITA for clapping back on a woman who turned out to be deranged after she made a huge scene on me buying meat products in a grocery store? | On Sunday afternoon I was shopping at the grocery store around the corner from my house. I don't want to say the name because I'm worried about this getting on social media and I'm almost positive I saw people filming with their phones (also posting from a one time use account for that reason), but it's a national chain that's focus is affordable health food. Think whole foods with bigger variety and way cheaper prices. Because of this, I know a lot of vegans and vegetarians shop there but this place has a full butcher shop, fish place and deli counter. It has vegan products but is not vegan to put it succinctly.
I was in the soup aisle and I was checking out the bone broth when I hear something from behind me. Thinking back I THINK she said something like "you shouldn't eat that, it's murder." But I honestly didn't hear her so I turned around and said "thank you." This is all such a blur please don't quote me on any of this, it's just the best of my recollection.
Her: "your body will THANK YOU, as will all the animals."
Me: really confused "thank you."
I set the box of broth I was looking at down and found a store brand that was much cheaper and put in my basket.
Her: "wait, I thought you weren't buying that?"
Me: "excuse me?"
Her: "you agreed that meat was murder."
Me: "no I'm sorry, I eat meat."
This is where I start to think something was really, really wrong with her.
Her: "you PROMISED me, you PROMISED me! No more animals will have to die. YOU PROMISED me."
I just slowly turned away from her and went into the next aisle. She turned the other way so I figured I was done with her. Instead she looped around and met me coming the other way in the aisle I was in and kept screaming "you PROMISED. you PROMISED!" and at this point she was in full tears, her face was red and now people sort of had us boxed in on both ends watching the "show."
I was livid at this point so I said (and this I can quote) "look you stupid b!tch, I didn't promise anything. leave me the fuck alone." And with using that word I think I turned the crowd from being somewhat sympathetic in me dealing with the crazy person to me being an extreme asshole who was calling her names. She collapsed in a heap and I tried to excuse myself through the 4/5 people at the end of the aisle. I was shaking because I don't enjoy confrontation and I just set my basket down and went to the Safeway down the street but was a bundle of nerves the rest of the night. And I'm still dealing with it. I have no idea what came of the woman.
The look on those people's faces is haunting me (and i'm PRAYING this doesn't end up on youtube) and I feel awful for what I did.
Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 228,
"EVERYBODY": 25,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 234,
"WRONG": 47
} | RIGHT |
LNk2AXRH4PyaPbwuY1wEEI8Y15N9larI | ab43cx | {
"description": "leaving my dad alone on new years ever",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my dad alone on new years ever | My girlfriend and I (24) are going to a NYE party in the city tommorow. We've been dating for a few months, I'm really into her and want to spend Nye with her. I haven't spent the last few new years with my family. I always go somewhere.
This year my two sisters are going out v with their boyfriends. So my dad is going to be alone.
I know he was invited to my cousin's house but I don't know if hes going.
My dad is probably an alcoholic and has bad bi polar issues. ( Part of the reasons why I like going out). I know if I stay it's gonna be boring and he's gonna start something. Basically, I won't have fun If I stay. But I feel bad because hes gonna be alone probably.
Tldr: my dad drinks allot and is bipolar, AITA for leaving him alone on NYE | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OraL5Di1SxHaMjgt6HKQ8zUz1pSvQ6ux | amdb09 | {
"description": "refusing the sexual advances of a trans friend",
"pronormative_score": 213,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for refusing the sexual advances of a trans friend? | This situation happened a few days ago, but its spreading rapidly through my friend groups and social media, and I'm kind of at a loss as what to do or if I'm actually an asshole for the way I handled it.
Situation starts with me (20M) and my trans friend, let's call her (19 MtF pre-op) Kat. Now Kat and I have been good friends since high school, and since we're sophomores in college now that's roughly 6+ years of friendship. She's a part of my group of closest friends, and while I don't consider myself as close to her as I do some of the others and rarely hung out alone with her, we were still fairly close.
Fast forward to a few days ago, and Kat and a few other friends are hanging out at my apartment, drinking, playing Smash, and having a good time. Hours pass and friends have to leave, but Kat noticeably isn't leaving. Now this is usually fine, I'm okay with having friends sleep over if they just don't feel like heading home, but Kat kept insinuating they didn't want to just sleep (with forced jokes like "But I want to still *Smash*" or "*We should Smash more*" while rubbing against me.)
Admittedly a little drunk but picking up on the obvious cues, I bluntly said "Fuck no, I'm going to sleep." Kat responds, "So you'll fuck X but you won't give me a chance?" (X being a former fwb of mine in the group, and it being known that we were active for a while) and then she drops the million dollar question, "Is it because I'm trans?"
Of course the drunk idiot I am said, "Honestly?....Yeah dude.", thinking to myself that since she's pre-op it...wouldn't work out in a way I'd be comfortable with. Not necessarily an issue with her being transgender, more so with her parts in intimacy. Also now that I'm sober I'm sure I would've said no regardless, as even though she passes very well and is on hormones, it would still be very weird to me since I knew her before transitioning, and wouldn't be able to not think of the male Kat.
Anyway, Kat hears this, tears up (attributing this to being drunk and getting rejected) packs up her things, calls an uber and storms out. At this point I was drunk, tired and really just wanted to get some sleep. I wake up Sunday morning to my phone absolutely loaded with messages from friends, Kat's brother, Kat's sister, etc. She relayed what happened last night and now my friends are divided on how to feel. Some say I had the right to say no, others are saying my reasons for saying no are the issue. I already tried texting Kat my explanation (not just being trans, pre-op, wouldn't be comfortable, etc. etc.) but it seems I'm blocked on almost everything, and news is spreading fast. It's not the easiest thing to have to explain myself to every person calling me a transphobic POS.
So, AITA for rejecting her sexual advances with my main reasoning being that they're pre-op trans and I wasn't comfortable with that? Can't help but feel like what I'm saying is prejudiced, despite being friends with them for years as a trans person, but at the same time should I feel bad for rejecting her for pretty much just being trans? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 201,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 213,
"WRONG": 14
} | RIGHT |
SGuvcXPNbqwKA4VxZ30oQKBpRJxGlc8v | b9zoqi | {
"description": "expecting my partner to offer support when I am unwell",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for expecting my partner to offer support when I am unwell? | A little bit of background information before I get into it...
My partner and I live together with my three children (11 yo son, 3yo daughter and 20month son) he has two children from a previous relationship also (9yo son and his 7yo daughter) he has them every second weekend from Friday until Monday morning.
The house we have moved into is smaller than my previous home, so he stays at his old place with his kids while we wait for our house to be renovated.
So the issue.
We were invited by my very good friend to attend her wedding this weekend, it's a good 12 hour drive but I was excited.
I arranged for my children to stay with family and my partner had his kids last week to free up this week for our trip.
And then we both got sick. His turned to man flu. Took days of work and I took care of him. Then I started getting sick, but of course I couldn't take a day off and I continued to look after everyone and everything despite how I was feeling.
And then my daughter got really sick.
We ended up in hospital with her and I had to cancel our trip away.
I was pretty upset about it, but that's parenting for you, right?
So I've been at the hospital dealing with my sick child. I'm getting sicker by the day. My asthma is now so bad I am on the verge of my own hospital admission.
I'm standing in the kitchen cooking dinner for my partner after putting the kids to bed and he comes in and tells me all excited that he's arranged to pick up his kids this weekend.
And I just... Burst into tears.
Because although they sleep at the other house, they are still here for all meal times. He's keeping them until Wednesday because it's Easter break and he hasn't taken any time off work for that. So I've got five kids to look after on my own.
I cried to him and told him I needed a break. I'm tired. I'm unwell and I need help.
To which he replied that I was being unreasonable and unfair and he should spend as much time with his children as possible.
And normally, yes. Yes yes yes. It's important to them and him and us as a family, but I needed him to... I don't know. Not take them this weekend. Help me. Let me sleep for a day like I let him. Give back a little instead of just taking.
So now he's at his house and I'm here with my children, with the shakes and a fever and feeling like death warmed up. Still with the housework to do. Still with the food to cook. Still with all my responsibilities and his responsibilities and zero help.
I asked him to look after my youngest and the eldest so I could rest with my daughter but that was inconsiderate of me to ask apparently. He needs one on one time with HIS children not mine and I should ask my family to help instead of him.
Am I an asshole asking for help and support? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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oLbkauIJLCPxsuKWmOSslPQUnVLFB11w | b30du0 | {
"description": "being relieved my art teacher went to the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for being relieved my art teacher went to the hospital | During photography while trying to make a plastic skeleton do a pose I tried moving it's arm and it just broke off. Now my art teacher was a bit crazy and certainly didn't understand that people are allowed to have different political opinions and would yell at people who express those views. Well the skeleton I broke was the class mascot in a way and she loved that thing. No one noticed that I broke it so I took it back to her room and tried to tape the arm on. I knew if she found out I was screwed. Well it turned out she was gonna be in emergency care for the next week due to a blood clot in her lungs. While all the students were sad I was a bit relieved because after a whole week there was no way she could narrow down the suspects to me. I wasn't happy that she got seriously hurt but I felt that if it would've happened anyways at least it happened at that time. When I told my friend that this was silver lining he said no and got angry. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
S8X5TFzopp56qRJZTM9IiWwdrb28kjkH | b1ye7m | {
"description": "showing up late to date night",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | Aita I showed up late to date night | My gf and I were supposed to have a relaxing night I was cooking dinner, she spends the night and we watch our favorite shows. I worked in the morning and afterwords I went home to clean my apartment before she came over. Before I left a old friend who I haven't seen in a few months asks me to lunch having not eaten figured I might as well.
Well the gf knew when I left work and that I would clean the apartment but is upset that I didn't let her know I was going to lunch and that I took away time from us spending together. To be fair if an old friend does ask me to out for a short time I will go because life's just too short.
AITA? Cheers | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
9HhndS2RrS3mdM1gL2EykzzOUFjOUbfk | a8xnk9 | {
"description": "not wanting to go to ky parents house on Christmas morning",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to go to ky parents house on Christmas morning? | I'm 28. I just got married this year. I've lived outside of my parents home for years now. My mom wants me and my sisters to come over every Christmas morning and do Christmas like we always do. But I am tired. All the time. And I have my husband and his family to think about too.
Christmas Eve is spent with my family and my mom's side of the family. Christmas morning I get up, do quick present exchange with my husband and then we have to split up so he can go to his families house and I can go to mine. Then after my mom tries to pressure me into drinking Mimosas with her while we open gifts I try to leave to meet up with my inlaws but feel huge guilt. And they live 30minutes away and they are all waiting on me to do gifts.
Am I an asshole for wanting to ask my mom to move some of our Christmas stuff to the night before when we are already doing things and not coming over Christmas morning? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
d9n9ClVwOxX0RF0Y0w6FsJyABHZjpok8 | b84jnd | {
"description": "telling a classmate they smell",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for telling a classmate they smell | I've been in the class 10 weeks. This person next to me smells really bad and I've managed not to say anything so far. Recently however it's gotten worse. I've mentioned it to other people in the class to make sure I'm not crazy and they smell it too and know it's this classmate in particular. Do I just stick it out for the next 6 weeks?
If I tell him, would I be an asshole?
If not, how should I break it to him? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hoNCd1oCdqM7OAvBV2ufHxQk5uSNaYvl | 9v8jzz | {
"description": "having a hypothetical conversation about 9/11",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for having a hypothetical conversation about 9/11? | I’m a New Yorker. I’ve had many friends who have lost loved ones to the terrorist attacks on 9/11. I was engaged in a conversation with an ex-NYPD officer about retaliation on Muslim nations and I said that at the time when I was11 years old I would support a retaliatory bombing but now I realize that the civilian loss of those who weren’t involved wouldn’t make it just. I was berated by a guy at the bar, and I asked if he had lost someone on 9/11 because my perspective was hypothetical since I did not. He continued to tell me to go home and called me an asshole and I thought that maybe I wasn’t being empathetic... since us NYers take 9/11 very seriously... idk I just walked away and went home... | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
0S6kxUSEj9LFs3N1a3dCGohAw6RDgzOh | aegohn | {
"description": "smoking with my boyfriend and not my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for smoking with my boyfriend and not my friend? | Hi, Reddit. Sorry for the long post, but I want to provide clear details. TL;DR at the bottom.
I'm a sophomore in college. In my freshman year, I made very close friends with the girls that lived on my hall. There were 5 of us in the group total, and we all live on the same hall in our sophomore year. Out of us five, three of them smoke weed occasionally. I had never smoked but didn't have an issue with the fact that they did. When they would smoke, at first they would ask if I wanted to join, and since I said no every time they stopped asking. Near the end of our freshman year I started mentioning to them that I would probably do it at some point, but never really pursued the interest.
I met my current boyfriend at the beginning of my second semester of my freshman year. We're currently in a LDR (\~ 3 hours) and every month or so he visits me for a weekend (For reasons, it's easier for him to come to me than the other way around, and that's never been an issue in our relationship). He also smokes occasionally, but has always been aware that I did not. He's never pressured me to, and I'd told him the same thing that I'd told my friends: I'd probably try it at some point.
During this past October of my sophomore year, that opportunity arose. My boyfriend has a THC pen that he brought with him during a weekend trip "just in case", as he always did (previously, it had always just gone unused while he visited). We had been under the impression that all of the group was going out to a party, but it was cold and rainy, so we weren't sure what everyone's plans were anymore. We went down the hall to ask after hanging out by ourselves for a while. (The four other friends share a suite and are roommates with each other). The first door didn't answer, so we knocked on the other. My friend, Sarah, answered. She said that her roommate had gone out with a friend from high school, and the other two girls had also left to hang out with some other friends across campus. Sarah herself was doing schoolwork at her desk. BF and I stayed and chatted with Sarah for about 15 minutes, where Sarah was still focused on her work and BF and I were awkwardly standing by her desk. After a while I excused us so she could get back to what she was doing. After we realized that everyone else was out/busy, my BF asked if I wanted to try the pen. I said yes.
I told my friends about getting high for the first time over dinner a few days after it happened, and Sarah got angry. I think they were always under the assumption that when I smoked for the first time it would be with them (my friends), since they were really the only people that I'm around often that I know that smoke. I realized this when my friend Michelle joked "\[BF's name\] already took your regular virginity, we were supposed to have your weed one". Sarah was also angry that we didn't invite her to smoke with us. I told her that we did it on our own because everyone else was out and she was busy, and she only replied that "she would've stopped what she was doing if I had just told her". She also said things like "I have no trust in you anymore", "we're starting from square one", and other things. It was said in a joking tone, so I didn't think she was serious, but looking back I'm not sure that she was really kidding.
Since then, Sarah's purposely gone places and done things with others in the group without inviting me, while knowing that I was free and wanting to hang out. I told the group that this hurt me, and Sarah replied by complaining that I talk to my boyfriend too much and that I'm not present in the friend group anymore because of him, though the amount that I talk to my BF has actually decreased since my freshman year and nobody had said that it was an issue then.
I'm no longer close friends with Sarah because I feel like she always needs all of the attention and for things to go her way (among a few other things) and it's starting to splinter my friend group. Nobody else seems to feel that way about her so I don't know if I'm just biased because of how she's treated me since this incident. Because the friendship started crumbling because of this, I want to know, AITA for not inviting her and causing this downfall?
​
**TL;DR:** I am not a weed smoker, but some of my friends are. Recently, I decided to try it with my boyfriend while my friends were out/busy. One of my friends got mad at me for it. AITA for not inviting her, and for smoking with my boyfriend when my friends assumed I would smoke for the first time with them? | HISTORICAL | {
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BZlm0ZUi5WoKHI3pf4HjN2gfkXayunHX | axmwmk | {
"description": "defending my Grandfather who fought with the nazis",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 27
} | AITA for defending my Grandfather who fought with the Nazis. | I am from Lithuania however my grandfather is of mixed Lithuanian and Latvian heritage and has lived in Latvia most of his life. During WW2 he joined the Latvian Legion, 19th Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS. He fought bravely against the red devils to protect the baltic region from communism and Soviet occupation. He is hero. I know what you're thinking, he fought for the nazis and they're evil. I'm not denying Nazi war crimes, they did awful things however you need to realize the complicated situation we were in. The Soviets invaded and conquered Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia and fighting with the Nazis was the only way to regain our independence. The Soviets committed horrible atrocities against us and were by far the greater evil. Growing up he told me stories of fighting the commies and killing those bastards. Look i know atrocities occur in war on both sides and the Latvian SS did do some horrific things including taking part in Genocide. My grandfather even knew Herberts Cukurs, who is notorious for his crimes. My grandfather and his buddies were not involved in any of that. They only killed russians. Now in University we had a discussion about WW2 and I got my Grandfather to come over to speak. He comes he relives his childhood growing up in Latvia, soviet Union and fighting the Soviets. People were so rude to him. They would ask him questions such as "why the fuck would you join the nazis" "oh how many jews are you responsible for killing" "i hope you burn in hell for your crimes." One Israeli exchange student stands up and calls my grandfather a Latvian hitler and goes on about how he and the israeli people will never forgive my grandfather for what he did. I just about had it at this point and I scream at his face to shut the fuck up and tell him I'd knock him out if he or anyone else ever disrespected my grandfather again.I then remind everyone of the horrors of Soviet occupation of my country (nobody in the class is from the baltic region so they are unfamiliar) and explain how living under the soviets was hell. We starved and lacked basic human rights for the 50 years. Anyone who fought to prevent that was a hero in my eyes. The Israeli then proceeds to call my grandfather a nazi again and say that he belongs in prison for working with the nazi and that they should've joined the soviets. I just about lose it and with all my might gave him a right hook deeply cutting his lip. He didn't get up from the floor but the class was in awe. I am now under investigation from the school administration and facing expulsion. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 27
} | WRONG |
32QtYYfrpiPSNlMZEhMad9X7y4fGwMAW | arvdch | {
"description": "not showering them with praise and gratitude",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not showering them with praise and gratitude? | Ok so for starters, there's a bit of information about myself/my in-laws(who this pertains to) that will perhaps help you better understand both sides, but isn't absolutely necessary to the story so feel free to skip to the ~~ break if you don't want to read it.
Alright. So I'm a "Third Culture Kid"(TCK) who was born in "Birth Country"(BC) and moved to "Adopted Country"(AC) when I was just a couple months old. I'm leaving out the details of which countries, because it's crazy easy to find me on Google. I have never lived in BC, and from a cultural standpoint am about 95% AC. I do have some cultural tidbits from AC from my parents, but they are few and far between. I was bullied horrendously as a child for being a TCK, which has left me extremely shy and not much for sharing my emotions or thoughts because it used to be what would always get me in trouble. I also have chronic depression and anxiety that has carried into my adult years and marriage.
I am married to a native of AC who loves, understands and accepts me for who I am, but his parents do not. They try to accept and love me, but they do not understand me as a person. They're very talkative and open people, who think family should share everything and anything. Even while we were dating, they would get clearly annoyed with things I would do(or not do rather), and always blame it on me being from BC... It annoyed me, because no, that's just who I am and it has nothing to do with where I was born, but I figured no harm, no foul, better they pin it on that then get angry with me personally. However their annoyance with me has never settled down and carried into the current situation, and it's getting a lot worse. So here we go.
~~
My husband and I had been living in a flat we began renting right after our marriage. At the start of this year though, our landlord raised the rent and we decided to finally move. We'd been casually looking to move for about 8 months at that point, but nothing had shown up that would suit our very particular needs. We've got two rescue dogs, one of which has health problems galore and cannot walk on stairs, and the other has sever separation anxiety and can't be left home alone. So we needed a place that would accept two dogs, was on the ground floor, and had a yard or room or something that we could cater to the needs of the other dog to be able to leave him there. (if he's in a room that has anything in it, he will destroy it into tiny, tiny pieces) Not surprisingly, this is why after 8 months we still hadn't been able to find a place.
So then we came up with an idea to move in with my husband's aunt. She's around 60 and lives alone in a private house with a huge amount of empty land that we can fence off for the dogs, and the house has a layout that's nicely suited to living with somebody. The only downside was that it's about 100 years old, and so we decided to renovate the rooms that would be ours before moving in.
Cue the problems. One thing about the culture of AC is that they are very very pro family. Very. Too much. So rather than helping us pay for say, I dunno, a company to do the renovations for us, my husband's family decided they would do the renovations. Which is all well and good, they do know what they're doing, but it means a lot of time is going into this because there's only so much two or three people who are working other jobs can do, and there's a lot that needs done in a 100yo house. I wasn't a part of anything, because I had to stay home and babysit my rescues.
We moved in before the renovations were finished. This is again because of our needy dogs, a move is going to be stressful for them and I have this week off of work so I wanted to be able to help them settle down. Especially my little bundle of anxiety who cannot bear to be without his momma(me). One room is basically finished, so we're in there for the time being, while the men continue to work on the other room. This means though, that now I am going to be around while they're working instead of at home, and boy oh boy has my FIL got a beef to pick with me. I had only been here for one day of work, on Saturday(we moved Friday evening, and on Sunday they didn't do anything), and after they finished that day my FIL told my husband that he no longer wants to do anything for me and is only continuing for his sake, not mine.
He's upset and offended that I haven't thanked them for their hard work... That they haven't finished yet. Which, ok, I know there's some people and I think in America it's much more normal to shower people with praise all the way through things, but that really isn't the cultural norm here, at all... We're well known for being grumpy and hating the world, and I by all means fit that stereotype. Plus I just don't talk a lot, period. I fully plan to offer heartfelt and sincere gratitude when they're finished, give them a gift, spend the day with them(I avoid my in-laws like the plague normally, and they don't really appreciate the fact that normally when we visit it's with at least one dog), etc. as a thank you and call it good.
I never asked them to do everything, they offered. I dunno about other people but when I offer to do something, I honestly don't care if I get thanked or not--I do it because I want to, not because I want praise or gratitude. So long as whoever is happy, I don't need them to necessarily "share" that with me. I can see it, I'm good.
There was another situation before when my MIL made a "joke" to my husband at my expense when I wasn't helping with the painting because I'm allergic to the paint, telling him he should have had me fill out an application before we got married to see if I wasn't going to cause problems like that in the future. He wasn't happy, and didn't talk to her for a couple days following that.
Honestly I just feel so frustrated with my in-laws at the moment, they've always made me feel inadequate as a DIL because I was a TCK, they've never understood(or made an effort to) my mental health, in theory they know that I'm a reserved person who doesn't share my feelings on my sleeve and don't talk a lot. However they are open books with their feelings though, and like I said very pro family, and they don't seem to get that this is how I am with my own parents as well. Not just them. I'm no longer certain though if the problem lies in them not understanding me, or me actually just being an asshole?
I was trying really hard to condense this and not make it too long, feel free to ask clarifying questions because I did leave out some things. x.x
(I would ask that you please be mindful of the fact that this isn't America, and the culture here IS very different. Not using that to justify myself, if indeed I am an asshole, but to clarify that what is generally accepted in the USA doesn't always apply here)
TL;DR My in-laws offered to do renovations for us, I don't thank them part-way, and they no longer want to help me. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
brRJufho4PyO07hdPysj1D8knv483SKR | b81m27 | {
"description": "demanding money from my dad",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for demanding money from my dad? | This post is going to be long as some context is required. Also, I'm really sorry for an inconvenience or grammatical errors as I'm on mobile.
Also, I'm using a throwaway account for obvious reasons.
My dad and I have never been on good terms with each other, due to past falling outs and him being unjustly cruel, physically violent and abusive to the family. I resented him but my mom told me to let it go and so I did.
He takes part in activities that I'm sure are inappropriate for a married man and he constantly insults us behind our backs. To him, friends have always been, and always will be, more important than family.
A few months back, he told my mom that she had to make do with 300 dollars for the next five months as he had no money. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I knew that he had money but was just refusing to give it, as he didn't care.
So, when he asked me to do some accounting work for him so he could be reimbursed his travelling expenses, I told him that I would be taking all the money that came from it. He reluctantly agreed as he had no other option.
My mother and brother agree that this was a good move but I feel like this was a kind of doucheove from my side and that I had abandoned some of the morals I upheld. I am still unsure about this decision and my dad does pester me about it.
I plan on giving it to my mom for her use but am still ill unsure whether it was the right thing to do.
So, users of reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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uf6rKJ5Mp9auVk0KbhX3h9tN2WyI5iGR | anyn6p | {
"description": "getting turned on by my boss' boss",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting turned on by my boss' boss | My boss' boss is an older guy, probably in his 50s. He scheduled a meeting with me to discuss a technical part of a project I'm working on.
I've never thought about this dude before, but after two hours of a very technical conversation I realized that this dude is at another level intellectually. So fucking smart. For some reason that turned me on. A lot.
I left the office and I went home. I was still kinda turned on and I had amazing sex with my husband. Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kjZ4DGIAuSgiVWu0sJSzzDjARJ4cQqKO | b11wxq | {
"description": "stating double standard while GF was upset",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for stating double standard while GF was upset? | So this stemmed from a conversation my GF and I were having last night. We’re both 22 years old and we’ve been together for 7 months. We’ve always had very open conversation about our past, including relationships and such with no issues. Shes been with a lot more people than me so usually she’d be the one talking about other people to me. She never had any hesitation telling me about them and never asked if I was comfortable with hearing it. There were times where I said something made me uncomfortable but never made a big deal about it and never argued about it. Until last night.
We were talking about friends of the opposite sex and I was telling her I never really have female friends except for my first year of college. Which ended up with me becoming best friends with a girl at that time that I’m now not close with. I never liked or wanted to have women as friends most of my life. She starts telling me about how she’d just hookup with guys but never just had them as friends and details some of the situations. She had recently talked to a girl I was just gym friends with way before I met my girlfriend. We’ll call her Carly. They talked and then exchanged numbers. They had previously met before and I told her about her and that we “talked” but she forgot.
She then asks me to explain more about my friendship with Carly. I tell her we’d just see each other at the gym and didn’t hangout outside of it. I then tell her why I said to her before that we kind of “talked” because one time after the gym she gave off a more into me type of vibe and we had a very small and awkward make out. After that nothing happened and we just stayed being gym friends.
They conversation started to die out and then she became very distant and quite.I asked what’s wrong. She then snaps on me about how I made her uncomfortable and tells me that I shouldn’t have told her. Idk what’s the big deal about it and apologize for making her uncomfortable. It didn’t make sense when she always tells me things about other guys without even considering if I’d be comfortable with it. There’s even a time when she continued talking to a guy she got with while we were dating but not serious and didn’t see a problem with it at all or saw how it looked bad. She doesn’t talk to him now but she just assumed I would be okay with it at that time. She starts to talk with me again. Then out of nowhere she makes a comment about Carly again and decides to randomly delete her number in anger. Continue new convo and then another comment is made about Carly and she starts throwing around fuck that bitch and says how do you think this makes me feel stuff.
I say it’s a double standard. You just brought up other guys earlier have a history of just assuming I would be okay with you talking to a guy still after you hooked up with them but I was just supposed to know this little thing was a big deal? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
CDtBPZTsCR4NNIal8ox65wWsdRS2WkDl | b3z16w | {
"description": "avoiding my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for avoiding my grandmother? | Let me preface this with the fact that I'm trans and my grandmother is openly anti LGBT, which is the reason I'm avoiding her. I haven't seen her in several months and I'm afraid of dealing with the fallout of her finding out. I previously hid my transition from her by wearing my old guy clothes around her, but as my body developed and my breasts came in, my mom told me I need to wear loose fitting clothes around her so she doesn't notice. To give an idea of how much she's against LGBT people, my aunt came out to her 40 years ago and she still makes homophobic comments about it. I don't want to deal with her bigotry but I also feel badly that she's 84 years old and I'm sure wants to see me. I'm open to hiding my transition again in order to see her but it's going to be a lot harder than before. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
45h4PEl5W79DILDGrdOClEVsKm9nV14X | avafhk | {
"description": "swatting at a woman for grabbing my necklace",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for swatting at a woman for grabbing my necklace | I take my great grandmother (gg) to church every Sunday since she cant drive, I also happen to have a handmade necklace made from a piece of Amber and silver that my grandfather made for me for my birthday. I was getting my gg seated in the front where she likes and as I turn to leave the woman sitting next to her reaches out and tries to grab the necklace (that sits low enough to touch my boob) I jerked away and kind of swatted at her hand. She then says "damn kids are so rude these days"
All I did after that was kiss my gg on the cheek and let her know that I would pick her up in an hour when the service was over.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 31,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AydMEHz7I3RYbPzn3gdVVEyUAfI59BwH | alexl0 | null | AITA - want to call animal control on neighbor who throws his barking dog outside in freezing temperatures | Obligatory first time poster, on mobile, etc.
TLDR in the title
So this is clearly not as bad as some posts on here, but I recently bought a house (first-time buyer, yay!) and almost immediately started having trouble with this neighbor and their dog.
Anytime this animal is outside it barks. Not just a little, but non-stop, loud, deep barking. And they leave the dog outside for 15-20 minutes at a time. And it’s not like they’re doing that so it can get exercise. They’re backyard is only maybe 10’x20’ and this is not a small dog.
This would be frustrating enough if they only did it during the day. But they seem to think anytime between 5 AM and midnight is an acceptable time to do this.
I’ve bought special curtains, a white noise machine, and I’ve basically done everything I can think of to isolate myself from the noise. All to no avail I’m afraid.
I don’t want to be the guy that calls the authorities on his neighbors, but their behavior is a genuine nuisance to the community. Plus they’re putting their dog’s health at risk. Yesterday they stuck it outside without shelter in 12°F for close to half an hour. The creature was barking the whole time to get back inside.
Am I the asshole if I call animal control? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
IysSq4nEARFje8bLG431vLaRHb4ykyxz | ayzo2w | {
"description": "cutting my friend off \"cold turkey\" for continuously saying they want to date me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting my friend off “cold turkey” for continuously saying they want to date me? | Made a friend roughly 6 years ago and we hung out all the time. At one point, about 3 years ago, I brought up the idea of us dating. She turned me down politely because she just entered a new relationship. Things continued on as normal.
Now, 3 years after, we’ve drifted a part a bit.
We only really each other up maybe once a month and hang out even less than that. Both of us are in relationships with other people.
A few of weeks ago, we finally ended up meeting up and at the end of our hang out, she “confessed” that she has a crush on me and wants to date me. This completely blindsided me as we had been drifting apart and there was no indication of romantic feelings.
I basically let her down friend-zone style as nicely as I could, and reminded her that we’re both dating other people. Night ended on a weird note.
Ever since then, she has texted me consistently asking what I’m up to or to hang out. I’m very busy so I have to keep declining. Then on Valentine’s Day I receive a not-so-cheap gift from her, and she texts me again that same night asking to hang out... on Valentine’s Day... while neither of us are single.
Then a few nights later she tells me again that she has feelings for me and wants to date me. I basically repeat what I said before.
Then *again*, the other night, she asks me how i feel and wants to know if I’ll date her. At this point I’m irritated and tell her that I don’t know what else to say- I’m in a happy relationship and I don’t want to date her. She responds with a very lengthy text explaining her feelings for me **again** and just wants to know if there’s a future for us.
I didn’t respond, and haven’t responded to her texts since. I’ve been ignoring her on every form of social media as well. I feel awful about basically ghosting a long-time friend but I felt like I was speaking with a broken record.
TL;DR: long-time friend continuously asks me to date her despite both us of being in relationships. I turn her down each time but she doesn’t stop asking, so I completely cut her off.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
l3M6PBdXmQ4Ma1I11Vn8q7sRu0oQWAqz | ad7cpt | null | AITA - Not really cheating? | So I'm seeing this girl and y'know were doing stuff in the bedroom and so on, and while we were playing video games, she introduced me to this other dude.
We're now good friends and chat and play video games a lot.
The guy is from a city pretty far away, and we all know that he has feelings for her. I too, have feelings for this girl, and she has feelings for me, but not for him.
He doesn't know about the girl and I doing stuff in the bedroom, and he thinks that I'm still a virgin (we're both 15).
I kind of feel like the asshole for not telling him about our actions, cause I feel like I'm going behind his back, even though the girl has no feeling whatsoever towards him, except wanting to be friends.
I kinda feel like I'm cheating on my friend for not telling him, even though it's not really any of his business. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6rccZObMiGjo0v2V0LzP3sf15BWSD9I2 | b05wcs | {
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend for wasting money",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For getting mad at my girlfriend for wasting money. | My girlfriend and I have been together almost 10 years and have a 3 year old together. She works part time at the moment so money is a little tight. We're basically living paycheck to paycheck.
This month my gf got paid a little less than usual and won't be able to pay her half of rent and daycare. Which normally wouldn't be a big deal because earlier when she's been a little low on cash, she at least chips in a little bit towards those two things. I pay literally every other expense that we have. Streaming services, electric bill, gas, car insurance, everything. Which again is fine as long as she chips in on the two biggest expenses.
But this month she tells me she can't pay anything because she's going away for the weekend with some people from her choir. And that the hotel is going to cost pretty much half her salary. I get mad because I think her priorities are stupid and that she should have saved up for this trip months ago. She gets mad at me for being mad at her and just tells me it's her money and she can do what she wants with it.
AITA for thinking she should use her money to support our child and pay rent, instead of going on this expensive weekend? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2zfH62ndRSTJfBGtvAPMDK9umFqZr5C8 | ax2bp3 | {
"description": "wanting a life of my own away from my parents",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting a life of my own away from my parents? | My parents have coddled me and my brother for our whole lives. We're both undergrad college students right now. They also are super overprotective of us and didn't let us hang out with our own cousins or neighbors for long periods of time when we were children, so they were selective of who we were around or were influenced by. They track our phones with Find my iPhone and we were often lectured if we turned off find my iphone, turned off our phones, or didn't let them know where we were. My dad, mom, and brother are very nosy. There have been many occasions where I have had my texts snooped on, and I never was able to keep any of my personal relationships secretive.
My parents are really like... old style and aren't accepting at all. They didn't give me a choice on where I could go to college. They wanted me to go to a specific college which has a "good reputation" in our area and seems to be the "best" college. I put quotes around these because this college offers the same programs that any other "lower" colleges in my area offer. So I was forced to go to that college. Parents were disappointed when my brother didn't get into that college and had to go to the second best option. He's trying to transfer to my college now.
My brother on the other hand isn't as vocal as me. He just stays quiet and obeys anything they say. If you compared me to him and my parents, I would be the rebel or the odd one out. He's the favorite child. He agrees with them about the reputation and college stuff, so I have no one to really rely on or agree with.
My parents say that they worked very hard for us to get where we are, and for us to get to college. I'm first generation and they're immigrants, so they want us to earn lots of money with jobs that we can get with education and not physical labor jobs. They always say that me or my brother will buy them a house in the future and that our first check or at least a portion of our salary will go to them. They say that we have to take care of them when we're older and expect us to do so. Sometimes they joke, but most of the time they're serious. They won't let us move away from them because they expect us to support them when we're older.
I always contest and say that I'm moving far away from them to do my own thing. I don't want all that I've worked for to go to my parents first before I can do stuff for myself, like support my own family. My parents call me ungrateful sometimes for wanting to do my own thing. I know that they worked hard for me and put in a lot of money for me, but it just seems unfair that they want most of my salary in the future to go to them. It's also unfair how they treated me and how they gave me almost no choice in my own education. If they hadn't forced me to do so many things and been so overprotective, then maybe in the future I would help them out. AITA for wanting to have my own life away from them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kcqCL8tD5JPQEaOYQUP2S96vMtOqFXSM | an4vbb | {
"description": "not tipping my hairdresser",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not tipping my hairdresser | I couldn't get ahold of my regular hairdresser I go to since she was out of town, so I decided to stop at one of the chain haircut places (the in and out places that a mall would have).
At the time (M21) my hair normally was about 3 inches long, I told the woman I just wanted to trim it up to look more presentable, I had washed my hair just before so she just went to cutting, style was kept the same, and she did an okay job, the issue happened when I went to go pay.
The price they charged let's just say came to $21.25 (I dont remember exactly), but I would have paid with $30, expecting three $1s, a $5 and some coins less the tax. She hands me just a $5, at the time I collected coins, so I noticed she short changed me and I asked her about it. She goes back into the register, gives me the three $1 (short changing me for a 2nd time) and then asks if I want singles for a tip.
At that point I was just irritated with her, said no, and walked out. I thought about it a few times after that thinking I'm an asshole for doing that, but at the same time I feel like I may just be hard on myself for no reason. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fws0koadWRR7AMe1wjPo1BeGzR6a9DDh | b3em9g | {
"description": "being the side ho",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being the side ho? | About um... at least two months ago (time is not my strong suit) a girl confessed to having a crush on me. She had a boyfriend at the time, but we're both polyamorous so that didn't really matter. She told me that she had asked her boyfriend if she could ask me out, and he had said yes. So, we started dating.
It was just recently that I discovered through DMs and some screenshots that she had in fact never gotten explicit permission—she had asked how her boyfriend would feel about it, but not specifically if she could date me. He stated that if they were to be in a polyamorous relationship he would be most comfortable with me as his metamour (a member of your polycule that you are not dating, so your partner's partner, partner's partner's partner and so on,) but not much more than that. She genuinely (or so I believe at the moment, since I can relate) forgot to tell her boyfriend that we had started dating until probably at least a week in. When I talked to him later that night about something, he didn't seem upset at all even when I talked about her in, you know, a more romantic way (I called her princess and stuff, because she likes it.) By the time I found out she and her boyfriend had already broken up. I'm still dating her.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
PGj0nNP6wulSnMYoBhcreumKVcaJWbca | abe7fc | {
"description": "giving my bed to my \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for giving my bed to my "friend"? | So what happened was me, my friends and my gf were out for New year's, counted down the new year at the club and went home, me and my gf went back to my flat and my 2 friends followed 15mins later, (they don't live in the same town as me so they were going to take my 2 couches) my "friend" met a girl and took her to mine, he asked if he could have my bed and me and my gf go back to her house which is a 5min walk. I was reluctant but didn't want to cock block and my "friend" probably would have done it anyway on my couch with my other friend across the room. So I decided in my stupid drunken state to give him my bed and walk to my gf's house which is 5mins away. My gf is annoyed at me and called me a bitch. I explained myself to her but she still thinks I rolled over. Am I the asshole for giving him my bed? Pretty sure its a ESH but I want an outside opinion | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qExUxM4GwFBcs1WKIai4tEXrjrrjjiri | apl3sy | {
"description": "not talking to my mum for two years",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not talking to my mum for two years? | Background: I was around 16-17 when I stopped talking to my mum verbally. I forgot why, but I guess something inside me just went off. I live with her and have for a while.
I have two younger sisters and a father. A few months before I stopped talking to my mum, she kicked out my sisters without any notice, just as they got home from school. My parents divorced and had a messy marriage. My dad was physically abusive and narcissistic, but I still do see him and even talk to him, especially when I'm studying with him. Both sisters live with him.
During the divorce, my mum was awarded both the 7-bedroom house and his investment property. And from what I was told, she nearly got his current flat, but I won't get too much into how she didn't get it, as legality may be a bit confusing.
Now, my mum is clearly not taking it well. Sometimes I feel sorry and bad for her, sometimes I just feel extremely annoyed and not empathetic. I suspect that a year before I stopped talking to my mum, she prevented me from seeing my dad, but she denies this. I had proof, but that phone broke, and now I have to depend on my memory, and I've been made to believe that I remembered things wrong.
Every time I look at her, I just feel mildly angry. Her state consists of noticeable liposuctions and cosmetic surgeries. To me, she is a daily reminder of where all the money that she claimed to not have for me to shower daily and have heating, went. From what I know, she never worked a full-time job in her life. There's always an excuse.
Then again, she does take care of me and buy me clothes. Even though I cook my own meals and take care of myself, she has and still does her part. Am I crazy and the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
56KHV0LPz3Xcc9ARL0Nreyf4P8X5deX3 | b0kbz2 | {
"description": "ditching my family's plans for my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ditching my family’s plans for my birthday? | TLDR at end
Background: currently in New York with for spring break. I transferred to a college in LA for this past year; previously I went to one an hour away from home for two years.
So my 21st birthday is coming up, and I’m planning on spending with Thursday night to Saturday morning with my friends over at my old college.
My family’s pretty upset at me - they already don’t like it when I spend time away from home over breaks. It’s worse because it’s also my birthday. My mom and sister really wanted to take me out in the evening for dinner and spend time together.
The thing is that I do spend a lot of time with my family and I do care about them a lot. I do feel that it’s somewhat disrespectful that they paid for my flight and they are my family and I’m choosing to spend my 21st with other people. However, we also do have a pretty complicated relationship (family is both the reason I stayed closed for two years and then moved acrossed the country).
I also really want to spend time with my friends in New York (we’ve stayed very closed even with the distance). With one of them graduating this year and me gone, we don’t have much time to spend as a group. Also, my family doesn’t drink, and I do want to celebrate my 21st in a pretty typical fashion with my closest friends.
I brought it up to my mom before I came home multiple times and she brushed me off every time. Eventually, I decided to go without her input and she’s not stopping me, but she’s pretty passive aggressive about it and obviously hurt.
I’ve always struggled with knowing how much of my time I should give to my family and how much I owe to myself, but I really can’t tell here. So am I the asshole?
TLDR; my non drinking family wants me to spend my 21st with them; I’m planning on spending it with my college friends instead. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
y8eoM43FZyRUlczhIDzP6koCUBHCu5kf | aw8ibw | {
"description": "sitting in the passenger seat of my Uber",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for sitting in the passenger seat of my Uber | I don’t use Uber much except when I’m ubering to the bus/train station to go home from school. I’ve been in an Uber with other people and have had to sit in the front with no problem.
As I’m ubering today i went to go sit in the front seat the driver kind of snapped at me and said “No you can’t sit there!” is this a known thing to not sit in the front if you’re a solo passenger ? I’ve done this another time by myself and i sat in the front and the guy gave me a weird look when i asked to sit in the front but said ok and it went fine
AITA for trying to sit in the front when there was room in the back ? I feel like I’m not but idk if it’s common knowledge to just sit in the back | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qAtOXf6YRRa9ltFMdrwPDv4OmuUJlw8d | aqsaam | {
"description": "accidentally triggering a sexual trauma victim",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for accidentally triggering a sexual trauma victim? | So I'm horny and home alone, I go on Grindr, see a hot guy, invite him over and we start messing around and whatnot. Well, his profile was hot, but in person, he wasn't someone I would normally go after. But he said he was just visiting, and my other FWB was out of town, so I knew this was just gonna be a one time thing, so I said why not.
​
I wasn't really getting off, so mid-coitus I reach for my phone and ask
​
Do you watch porn?
​
Him: Yea, sometimes.
​
Me: Okay \*\*Pulls up porn\*\*
​
Him (after seeing the thumbnail): Okay, no thanks to that.
​
So I put my phone away and continue fooling around. I tell him I'm getting tired.
​
Him: Okay. Should I go then?
​
Me: Yeah, my family might come back soon.
​
I ask him if he wants me to walk him out, but he refuses.
He gets back on grindr and messages me "Thanks for the shitty day, if you're not into someone, say it before so I don't exchange sexual energy with someone who doesn't embrace me as a soul." Then he says that I played porn without consent, and that I triggered his sexual trauma. He accused me of playing games and putting him on the spot when I asked about the porn.
​
I of course apologized for the awkward hookup and triggering his trauma. I thanked him for coming over anyway, because I did genuinely enjoy his company.
​
But here's the thing. I didn't know he was a sexual trauma victim. Obviously that's something to take very seriously, but as far as I know, everything I did was consensual. I asked if he wanted to watch porn, and then when he got uncomfortable I put it away. Sure it may be an uncomfortable question, but that is why I asked. Communication, right? And when I realized that I wasn't really getting anything out of the hookup, I told him that I was tired, and he took it as a signal to leave. So that's also consent. Just because I didn't enjoy it doesn't mean that I didn't get his consent at every step, and same for him. He got my consent at every step. How was I supposed to know that it wasn't going to go well. The whole point of getting consent is to avoid giving people trauma. But how am I supposed to get consent if simply asking a question (while we're already having sex mind you!) triggers the trauma?
​
Anyway, I let him talk about his opinions and feelings, and he did mine. He still thinks I wronged him, but he was at least glad that I listened to him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
jf96R3KrPgPcXJVf1USkbh4Teo7LC9GU | auathw | {
"description": "mocking a cheater who then was broken up with by her BF",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for mocking a cheater who then was broken up with by her BF (not because she cheated)? | I talk to this girl online who I know cheated on her boyfriend with a boy she met at an event a few weeks ago. When she got back she then moved in with her boyfriend (around 300km) and has lived their for a few days/weeks (not exactly sure) and the boyfriend suddenly told her that he wants to end it and told her to pack her shit up and leave. The boyfriend doesn't know she cheated and his reason for the breakup is unknown to me.
So, she told me about it and I said (to paraphrase) "Tough luck, you deserved it.", "You cheated on him and then cry when he breaks up with you.". Am I the asshole? I definitely can empathise with her but she knowingly cheataed on him and is upset when he decides to end it which is just funny to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
uJX6xWZ73lJfpIkapjtXZ1mvHY6fF1P8 | b5shws | {
"description": "naming a DoorDash employee in a review",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for naming a DoorDash employee in a review? | Sorry for the formatting, on mobile. I don’t normally name people in reviews. I’ve only done it this one time and that’s it. I didn’t want him to get fired, I just wanted him to get reprimanded. He arrived with my food forty-five minutes later than scheduled. Thirty minutes after it was scheduled to arrive, I called him and asked his whereabouts in relation to the restaurant. He said “I dunno I’m not even at the restaurant yet” and I said “okay, please hurry, my lunch is about to end” and then he hung up on me. He arrived fifteen minutes later, after my lunch had already ended. He never contacted me after the phone call.
Very upset and hungry, I posted a review on DoorDash’s Facebook page, explaining what happened and giving the employee’s first name and last initial so that others could avoid experiences with him in the future. Two people commented on my post, one stating that the same guy never delivered her and her coworkers $75 worth of food, leaving them without a meal and out of $75. He wouldn’t answer his phone. The other person said that he never delivered their food, either, but that the restaurant confirmed it’d been picked up, and he wouldn’t answer his phone, just like with the other person.
They wanted him to get fired, and were very vocal about it. I am now concerned that my desire to get an employee reprimanded for his rudeness and extreme lateness without communicating cost said employee their job. What do you think? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
f5dWDAOSjeectcmvKYUXwZJzWeSTvq81 | b3795t | {
"description": "pushing my mother to get her own apartment so I can move on with my life, knowing it causes her stress",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pushing my mother to get her own apartment so I can move on with my life, knowing it causes her stress? | I want to make something very clear right off the bat, my mom and I have an amazing relationship and I love her with all of my heart. Myself (F21) and my mom have lived in the same apt for over a decade. It's a kinda crappy little spot, but when we first moved to the city it was necessary and we made it our home. Our lease is up for renewal again, and I'm honestly wanting to leave here for a litany of reasons, none of which involve her. To sum it up the landlord and neighbors are absolute terrors and I'm often uncomfortable in my own home, this is a new-ish thing too so please don't give her slack for putting us here, things were very different in this area a decade ago. The problem is my mom does not accept change well. To the point that she went back to college years ago to get a degree that she hasn't made any effort to use because she's comfortable in the job she's had for over a decade despite the pay being sub-par. I'm about to be starting what is considered in my area to be a fairly high paying career, and my SO has an amazing job as well. We could easily afford an apartment and it would be beneficial to both of us to have our own space. However, the rent in this apartment is far too high for my mother to pay on her own. When child support was coming she was OK, and when I was of age I stepped up and paid my own way, but now I can't help but feel stuck here. Here's where I think I might be TA. I can't help but feel the situation is unfair to me, as I don't want to live in this apartment and I would like to begin my life elsewhere, but I love my mom, and I know how hard change is for her. This puts me in an uncomfortable situation, and the fact that she blows me off every time I try to have a conversation about it just makes it worse. I know she's afraid of change and I know moving does awful things to her, but I still can't help but feel like her fears are conflicting with my growth and it's frustrating. She gets frustrated and won't have a conversation about it, won't let me help find an apartment for her, she just says everything is fine as is. I don't feel heard, but lately I've just felt awful about bringing it up, and now another lease contract is due in about a month and I don't think I want to sign it. Part of me says it's just another year, another part of me asks how many years I'm willing to wait. I don't want her out of my life, but I'm afraid she'll resent me for pushing her too hard to move. So AITA for wanting us both to move on with our lives, even if it causes her stress?
Tldr; mom can't afford the apartment we share on her own, but I want to move out, which would screw her financially if she stayed here, but she's unwilling to leave her comfort zone | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mj0WxTBFVwVITPA20bb7jSBXFzMHKxtS | ae9ey8 | {
"description": "getting rid of a female friend after she told me she had a boyfriend while we netflix and chilled",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting rid of a female friend after she told me she had a boyfriend while we netflix and chilled. | Some background info:
I met this girl playing video games with her cousin. She lives in the East Coast, I live in Colorado (so does her cousin). We had been talking for over 6 months, had a 130 day streak on snapchat, and were facetiming almost every day. We had shared a lot of deep stuff and been quite open with each other. Obviously, I had feelings for her, which I made obvious to no success a few months prior.
Now the girl came to Colorado, and we hung out a couple times. We went to the movies, and then we Netflix and Chilled two nightd in a row. First night nothing happened between us, just some flirting, and she was kind of shy. Second night this happens:
15 minutes in, she gets a call from a friend she instantly takes. Her Friend goes:
- Hey, can you go on a date with this guy so you can hook me up with his friend?
- Sure, whatever. Says the girl im hanging out with
after some talking I hear the following from the friend:
- Won't your boyfriend be mad?
I instantly shifted my mood, as I was shocked and pissed as I wasn't aware of this boyfriend. She seemed like it was normal for her to not mention she had a boyfriend after Netflix and Chilling two days in a row, in my couch, in a dark room. I cut things short there, especially as the boyfriend was not aware of what was going on, and cut most ties with the girl.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
auqgZW6yu6Hh0pzIIKFsIUyQVxQDSkZa | b1oexr | {
"description": "being angry at boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITAH for being angry at boyfriend? | My boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for a while, both him and I knew this. We were talking about moving into together, (he brought up the topic) then he started to be visibly upset. When I asked what was wrong, he got sorta sad and explained he thought he’d let me down. I was taken back by this, and just dismissed it. Letting him know that he never will. He then proceeded to get upset, until he just blurted out that I’ve been with “many people” which followed with “of course you’re ready to settle down.” I just thanked him for expressing his feelings, and moved on from it.
I’m a super passive person so of course I just dismissed it. This was the first count.
A few weeks later, while I was with him he proceeded to ask me about a possible threesum. Which I turned down instantly. He was visibly angry by this, yet again. Following this, he than pressed on and asked if why not tons of times. Me again being passive, just gave in and stated if he ever wanted to sleep with another woman, it wouldn’t matter as long as he came home along with the condition that I wasn’t aware.
My boyfriend is aware of me being a extremely passive, and often calls me a “doormat””. I would have forgotten about it all but today he kept going on how attractive a girl was. Not in a soft manner either. Just blurted out“wow she’s really hot, she’s got a fat ass”. I suddenly got visibly sad he got very upset.
I’ve since then explained my emotions, and tried to stand up for myself when he just called me “irrational” and “too emotional “.
I know I gave into his wants but only after he pressured me into it.
Am I the asshole for being upset here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
7cqhCGe904wJPlNWVM5bbfV94MkflzPl | b68he5 | {
"description": "not immediately cutting off an ex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not immediately cutting off an ex? | To start: I have friendly relationships with all my ex boyfriends. I honestly wouldn't have dated them if I didn't think they were great guys and everyone is an adult (late-20s).
​
Because of this, I didn't think twice about continuing to talk a bit more often to one of my exes even though he has a girlfriend...as I said, I'm still on speaking terms with all of my exes and even some of their new girlfriends. Our discussions never went anywhere near inappropriate (only about work and his vacation) and he and I haven't dated for over 5 years. He suddenly asked about my dating life (we haven't seen each other in person in a couple of years due to me around). This raised a red flag immediately. I opted to just be silent until I could figure out what to say and he back peddled hard within a few minutes. He stated he was in a happy relationship and he was just curious. So stupid me let me guard down and answered that no I wasn't dating anyone. He then turned it back around and started claiming how he still felt this connection between us, wanted to know if he still had a chance, and said that he just didn't feel the same about his girlfriend of a couple years. I tried to shut it down as fast as possible saying that if he felt unhappy with her that he needed to talk with her and that I wasn't the type of girl to ever get in the middle of another relationship. He backed down and put the conversation more neutral. I continued to text him back but was careful to not let him do something like that again.
​
Now that I've thought about it more and more, I feel like I shouldn't have let him off so easy and that I'm a bad person for texting him back politely. I haven't said anything to his girlfriend and a part of me feels like I should have done that. But I don't actually know her, and I really don't want to get involved. I probably should cut off contact completely, but there is a part of me that just doesn't want to cut off contact because I have spent years of my life caring about him and his family. I also don't think he's a bad guy...although the current situation isn't earning him any points. And I guess I should also state that I don't want to date him again, so it isn't some twisted thing like that...I just genuinely enjoy his friendship. So AITA for not cutting contact off immediately and for not bluntly calling him out on his behaviour? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5aegKPnyo5iTva4eKo7xtHrcFPOpdYZi | b4vc6m | {
"description": "telling my boyfriend he has a small penis",
"pronormative_score": 233,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for telling my boyfriend he has a small penis? | I know the title itself makes me sound awful but hear me out. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and he's small down there, like 4 inches give or take. He constantly asks me if it's big enough, if I can feel it, and I always reassure him and tell him he's fine. I tell him I'm not with him for his penis and he has nothing to worry about.
However the last few days he got increasingly agitated and kept asking me if I was lying, if he's too small, and wouldn't take "You're fine" or "You're average" or "I don't care how big it is" for an answer. I told him to stop pestering me but this went on for a few more days until I snapped and told him he's below average but he has nothing to worry about. Obviously he didn't take it well.
I don't lie to him and say it's big, I say he's average, has nothing to worry about, etc. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 212,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 21,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 233,
"WRONG": 14
} | RIGHT |
GviCRm2V1Bgj9mT7pmpZHqM3VHwIcAvV | ac3hrr | {
"description": "refusing to drive my girlfriend to work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for refusing to drive my girlfriend to work? | My girlfriend is a very bad backseat driver. She yells at you whenever basically anything happens, tells you what gear you should be in/how fast you should be going (often when she's objectively wrong) and sits there 'panicking' about perfectly normal things that happen all the time. I'm not the best driver in the world, but she takes it way, way, way too far.
The thing is though, she's an excellent (if a little dangerous and overconfident) driver herself and has given me about a billion lifts throughout our relationship. I've been paying my dues back ever since I got my license, but every time I drive her anywhere I end up incredibly angry at her and very frustrated.
I've told her about a million times to cut the shit, but she just ignores me and says 'I should just drive safer'. Every time I end up saying stuff like 'I'm just going to stop giving you lifts', but I end up driving her around anyway because I owe her a LOT of lifts. She openly admits that she does this to friends and family too, which is horrifying to me.
A week ago, I was on a roadtrip with her from my grandparent's (which is about a 5 hour drive away). She had (and has) a broken wrist so I'm the one driving, and of course the entire time she's in my ear about one thing or another. I mostly just ignore her, but a couple of times I get angry with her and tell her to quit it, but she never stopped. When we got home, I gave her the same tired line: 'next time you need to go somewhere, find somebody else'.
Today she texted to ask for a lift to and from work today, with barely any warning. Her work is about half an hour drive away, so that's effectively two hours of driving for me to take her there and back both times. To be fair, the reason she needs a lift is legit: she's still hurt, and parking at her work is going to be impossible today due to some event.
I don't want to, I don't think she deserves it, and she's unapologetically awful to drive with, so I refused, citing her behavior during the roadtrip, and she got very very very angry with me. AITA Reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
qX5DCW9jvuO3Z1VSi1ytu1rVdPKP3Vwg | b2m653 | {
"description": "getting upset at my gf for doing Cocaine from a stranger",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting upset at my GF for doing Cocaine from a stranger? |
My gf is 29 I’m 25. Yesterday we were all out for SPD we had brunch and were all having a good time. One girl in the group ran into this guy she knew. I’m not sure of their relationship but he said he had coke.
A few people from the group go over to him in broad daylight on a busy street in front of a bar and start doing free bumps from him. I look over to my GF who does coke sometimes and say “you don’t know what the fuck that is if your gonna do it, do it from someone you know and trust” but she ignores what I say and she does it anyway.
I don’t touch the shit and if she does do it on occasion I don’t care as long as it’s from a trusted source. I just want her to be safe. Her explanation was “Kate obviously knows him and everyone else was doing it so if it were bad shit I would be able to tell from their reactions to it”
That kind of ruined the day for me unfortunately seeing my GF do coke from a stranger. So AITA for getting upset at her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
XUakolsuqysqoGYfKK48b0zLJTwpk5tp | auc9w8 | {
"description": "not minding my business and repeatedly chastising people at my local Barnes and Nobles book store for being morons",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not minding my business and repeatedly chastising people at my local Barnes and Nobles book store for being morons? | Specifically, going to a table at the coffee shop with a bunch of books and magazines gathered from around the store---frequently not buying anything at the shop--reading for a while (free) and leaving all their stuff at the table.
Sometimes a pile of 12-15 magazines. And regularly leaving s--t they brought in from outside: soda cans, wrappers from a McDonald's burger, other trash. And monopolizing tables while people *who did buy coffee/food* cannot find a place to sit. (The over-harried coffee shop workers put up signs re *tables for paying customers* but are generally too busy to enforce it.)
Live in a major metro area of more than 10 million; we are down to 2 of these bookstores from a high of 6 about 15 years ago. Big box books stores are not that profitable. In a significant part, because their business model allows *free reading for hours on end of the product they are trying to sell: Books.*
I'm guilty of it that too. I seldom buy any books. But I always buy a drink/coffee. (B&Ns benefit from the rent they get from the coffee shops that share their locations.) And I *always* return everything to its place.
I've spoken to the managers at the regular store I frequented for 6 years now. They report these non-buying morons coming into the store leaving book/magazines lying around *is an increasing hassle for them.* They said employees spend about 3 hours a day picking up after these people.
I have no problem commenting to these people when they get up from their tables leaving their mess. I haven't yet used the *asshole* epithet against them. But I might do so soon when they take exception to being told to "clean up your mess. Pick up your shit. Dump your trash." | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5yLTZL3uendBLXkPyvDQjOTG0REcYG2o | ao44ls | {
"description": "not wanting my mother-in-law to come on our family vacation",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting my mother-in-law to come on our family vacation? | Background: This past fall my parents asked if we (my family and my sister and brother-in-law) wanted to go on a vacation with them. We are all very close and it was a no-brainer to say yes. My dad had been sick with cancer for years, was getting worse, and wanted one last trip all together. My dad had the reins - it was his trip - and he picked out an amazing house in Fort
My dad passed away just after Thanksgiving. I have mixed feelings about the vacation because I know it’s going to be hard in a lot of ways. But ultimately it is a trip in his honor and he would want us to go. The best way I can describe my feeling about going is the trip feels sacred.
My MIL lives about 3 hours away in FL. When she originally found out about the trip she was hurt that we hadn’t told her about it/invited her and I explained that it was about my dad and about the limited time we had together. She seemed to get it (though I know she was still hurt).
Recently, she has been calling my husband to get details about our dates/where we’re staying, etc. so that she can take time off and come for a few days (I’m not sure exactly how long she wants to come but has made it sound like it wouldn’t be the whole week). My husband has been putting off telling her details because he doesn’t really want her to come either.
I get it. She lives far away. Our daughter is currently 15 mo old and she doesn’t get to see her much. She wants to see us. But to me it feels like a complete invasion and I don’t want her there - even if it is only for a few days. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
Th59QbTnaqyA3XQIN5BB9FH1T66PbCLL | a6hc5r | {
"description": "not wanting to pick up after my dog",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for not wanting to pick up after my dog? | Just for a little context, I personally believe that dog owners should pick up after their dog because I like a clean neighborhood...but here’s my problem.
Everyday when I get off from work (usually around 10:30PM), I take my dog out for a walk. I usually like to not have poop bags in my kitchen garbage so I walk towards the communal trash bins to dispose of it there. My dog unexpectedly took another poop right when we were almost towards the house. I start to grab a bag to pick it up, but I couldn’t see where he had pooped. It was night time, the porch light wasn’t on, and my phone had died so I couldn’t use my flashlight.
It was a long day so I was kinda like “ehh fuck it”. My neighbor saw me try to walk away from the mess and called me out. I explained my situation and told her I couldn’t see it. She then turned on her porch light, and what I saw was hundreds on dog turds on her lawn. This wasn’t little dog turds, but giant ones. My 20 lbs shiba’s mess looked like nothing there.
I told her it was absolutely ridiculous she’s causing such a scene when she had so much shit on her own lawn. She basically told me that this was her property and she was free to do what she wanted with it and that she demanded me to pick up after my dog. I did it of course but I thought she was nit-picking for no reason when her own lawn was covered it feces. I don’t understand how me leaving my dog’s shit on her lawn would even impact her life or her ungodly lawn.
TL;DR: My neighbor wanted me to pick up after my dog but her lawn is already completely covered with dog feces.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
9qBCb29hcHuJyKWtzL3492wVx8ocP4gn | b3jn0e | {
"description": "playing games near an open casket",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for playing games near an open casket | Ok so obligatory sorry, I'm on mobile.
Okay so 2 days ago my cousin's grandfather passed away and everyone is distraught. I was at the open casket when a family friend asks me to watch his kids as he went in and paid his respects. Obviously I agreed and I went to go watch the children who were 5 9 10 and 11.
As I was passing time I went on my phone because I was bored. But the 11 year old went off as much as she could on me saying I was being disrespectful and rude. I personally dont think so as it wasn't at the actual casket. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
VvHwy9HarvHfDoRXG6113Q9oTp8l2kVe | ay4qe9 | null | AITA? Politeness losses me friends | Sorry bit of a long one and first time posting
Little back story two friends of mine only see their child once a week, child lives with one of their mothers (due to personal reasons) , I'm a godparent to said child.
F1 = Friend 1
F2 = Friend 2
Me / I = you guessed it Me!
This happened over a matter of months, I was invited to see my godchild with their parents (F1 & F2 from now on) F2 does not have a good relationship with their mother, due to the child living with F2s mother.
I felt that I should do the right thing and be polite to F2s mother as I was in her house with her permission, If I was rude she'd have every right to ban me from seeing my godchild as she has full custody. Therefore I was always polite and kind, made little conversation as necessary and tried to be a good guest. This wasn't the first time I had been there and I acted how I always did.
F1 saw this as a huge problem (F1 also does not like F2s mother and resents her for having custody, which I understand and respect)
We go back to F1 & F2 place and all seems fine, we have a laugh and just hang out for a bit. I leave on a good note or so I thought.
I don't hear anything for a few days which is normal.
Then I receive a message from F1 stating that I had no right to be polite to the mother and I was two faced for it (I don't like her as a person but I know when I need to be an "Adult" about situations) Seeing my godchild was a wonderful thing for me, they are growing so fast and they were a lovely, happy child.
I apologised to them for it and explained my reasons why.
I've been frozen out by F1 and F2 has to follow suit, we've had little contact since, met once which was awkward and now basically been forgotten about.
Am I the asshole in all this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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