id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
9lqtNIO9eDamXLwjUKE6XsteT2YfvlIZ | aboapq | {
"description": "lying to my dad",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for lying to my dad? | So I’m 14 male autistic and work, and my dad is crazy alt right, divorced from my mom.I have made it clear that I do NOT want a girlfriend or boyfriend or get married. My dad chalks it up to me being fat (I’m 215 lb so I am) and “giving up”. He continues to violate that and keeps trying to get me in a relationship. Now when I say he’s crazy, I don’t mean kill-you crazy, I mean he hates practically everything that deviates from “normal” like coffee, alcohol, LGBTQ+, whatever. Now a couple months ago, he went crazy. He decided to, after my shift, still in the lobby, yell loudly “Hey u/IAbstainFromSociety! Look at that cute Asian girl over there (points to one of my co workers randomly)! Hard working, she’s cute.” This absolutely fucking infuriated me to the point of wanting to punch him in the lobby of the McDonalds I work at. Instead, I decide to compromise with myself and blurt out “She’s 20 you moron! Why won’t you respect my wishes!” That shut him up and he got very embarrassed. He runs off back to his car and I run to it too. He apologizes profusely but doesn’t mention any of the my wishes part. The girl was 14, and I knew that. Am I the asshole for doing this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
B9ZLhM9M5hMbgfEjJIp29iHe78GHuEmX | a84xx9 | {
"description": "using someone who was using me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for using someone who was using me? | So rewind back to senior year of high school, there was this SUUPPER fine ass girl (let's call her gisele) who was a junior and I was trying to get with (I would have been down to either date her or smash). So she was single and quite the party girl, and one of her friends was this huge ass dude (call him Dave), who always knew what parties she'd be at, etc. I would have done the normal method of approach however this girl was not an easy girl to talk to as she always hang out with her friends (cheerleaders) and reject anyone that talked to her in school. She was also a junior (however we were both 17 at the time). So I am friends with this girl who was the school thot, everyone would hit her up for $20 blowjobs (but she wouldn't have sex). "Dave" was one of her prime customers and she thought he was in love with her but he was just throwing her around, but that's a story for another day. I have her bring me to meet Dave, Dave knows who I am (I ran a music business during high school and got a lot of clout since one of my artists was getting famous and everyone knew him, also I made a lot of money selling dope) and decides I'd be cool to hang with. We chill a couple times, I invite him to a couple of parties and he goes but then gets scared when we about to go in since he don't know anyone there. One night we go to a Spanish party and he too scared to walk in so he says "aye I got another party" and we go. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the baddest girl in the world (at the time), Gisele, however we had smoked some super strong dope and I was on an addy which made me too fucking high to get lit since it wasn't really a party, rather it was a hoe house as there were only maybe 16 people there and 10 of them were either doing lap dances or fucking however Gisele was just sitting there, bored since she was looking to dance but she isn't a hoe so she wouldn't dance with the people just tryinna fuck. That was my motherfucking chance but I was SO FUCKING high, I couldnt do anything other than babble some syllables. That was my chance and I missed it. I still keep fucking with Dave to try and get another chance but the opportunity never comes. I was only friends with Dave to get with Gisele so over time we stopped chilling. After a later time, I found out he was using me to get to parties (which is fucking wierd since he never went in) and for some dope (but he matched every time so it didn't make sense). He also wanted to be cool with me because I was making money and working with music artists. We'd never chat in the halls, or anywhere other than at a party.
Am I the asshole for using him or is it negated since he was using me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fwXG1MbUmtmWp4ehtN4sXdZnAY7YnekG | at5yow | {
"description": "walking out on a date because she lied to me about having a kid",
"pronormative_score": 202,
"contranormative_score": 28
} | AITA for walking out on a date because she lied to me about having a kid? | I met this woman Sarah on a dating app a month ago. On my profile I specifically state that I don't want to date anyone with kids. On Sarah's profile there is no reference to her having any children. Sarah and I have gone out 4 times and had our 5th date a few nights ago. Things were great. We have a lot in common. She's funny, charming, and attractive. I thought I'd hit the dating jackpot. At no point during any of these dates did Sarah mention having a child.
Well during our most recent date we went out for drinks and a few minutes after we sat down Sarah came clean. She admitted she has a daughter from her previous marriage, and that she was afraid to tell me because she knew I'd turn her down if I had known ahead of time. I asked her if that was why she had no reference to her daughter on her profile and she told me she'd been turned down so many times because of her daughter that she had to make a new profile. She said she figured that if I got to know her better she thought I could overlook this "no kids rule" that I have and be happy with her.
I told her that I couldn't just overlook this. I paid for our drinks and left. She sat there quietly staring into her drink as I left. I didn't hear from her until this morning when she texted me asking if we could talk. I told her there wasn't much to talk about, but that I recommend she be more honest in the future to avoid hurt feelings. She told me I was being a selfish asshole and that my hatred of kids was a very ugly trait. I blocked her.
Was I an asshole? Was I too cold and not understanding enough of her problems here? Is this an understandable lie given how hard it can be for single parents to date? I feel justified in ending things, but maybe I was too harsh in the way I did it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 194,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 202,
"WRONG": 28
} | RIGHT |
ZpkjWXmMJUcqIAQpY2duaaciOfu5EG9S | axmo85 | {
"description": "wanting my gf to work more around the apt",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my gf to work more around the apt? | Gf and I just moved in together in February. It’s been a learning experience for both of us.
She doesn’t know how to cook and I took two years of culinary arts so I do all the cooking. Even meal prep our lunches for work. I’m also particular about how I like the dishes washed from working in restaurants so I take that on too.
The problem is she doesn’t help out with other chores around the apt. I’m constantly picking up after her. When I complained that she should keep the place cleaned up the conversation devolved to the point that she said I was being sexist. I know it’s not a woman’s job to keep the house clean, but I feel like she should be putting in some work around the apt as well.
I’m getting so frustrated about it. She’s an adult, I shouldn’t be picking up her dirty socks from the couch. I don’t know how to bring it up again without her calling me a sexist again. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5s70oo303GLmLrNaHoktsiWrXYhTQ0Fz | al87zg | null | AITA introversion or just being a cunt? |
So I'm a very anti-social person, but don't get me wrong, I love to chat with the right people. But I find myself being very mentally exhausted from listening to people talk when I don't want to talk. I don't want to be rude & say 'I don't feel like talking right now' or something like that. If I let people continue, I lose interest in the conversation & just let everything they say go in one ear & out the other. This happens often with my boyfriend, who can chat for hours with others, he will go on for a long time & my head will begin to hurt from all the things he's saying because 1) it's too much info for me to process & 2) I don't really know how to respond to most of the things he talks about/has experienced. I often get moody or upset from all the talk & have explained to him that too much talk wears me out & I often want to be left alone until I'm ready to engage in conversation.
Am I the asshole for faking interest in convos/not wanting to talk or is this a common thing in other introverts? I'm confused because I don't know if it's me being a bitch or my anti-social brain telling me that "hey, you need a minute to recharge before talking again." | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xFsHrLgD0uUJqyWNsRA9M3VoFKFro7LD | b6r849 | {
"description": "asking someone to let me in the dog park without my ID",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking someone to let me in the dog park without my ID? | In my town we have a really nice dog park that requires the dog owner pay an annual $400 fee plus provide records that our dog(s) are up-to-date on shots and the like. For the past 4 years I have been a regular at this park, always paying my dues and having the appropriate records on file.
So yesterday I put my two dogs in the car, drive over to the dog park (which only takes about 5 minutes), and realize I forgot my dog park pass. I immediately think to myself, "Damn. Do I go home to get the pass or do I just ask someone to let me in?" Now, those with access to the dog park take this rule fairly seriously. You are strictly told by the town to not let people in. But as I look into the park I notice a dog owner that I know really well. I know her dog (who plays with my dogs), I know her husband, I know personal information like about their daughter, etc. We are very friendly and she definitely knows I have always had access.
So, I go up to the fence and get her attention and ask her if she would let me in. The exact way I put it was "[Her name], do you mind letting me in? I forgot my pass." To which she responds, "Sorry, no, I've had my pass revoked in the past for letting people in."
I immediately say I understand, give a polite thanks anyways, get in my car and go back to my house to get my pass.
When I return the woman comes up to me and says she was glad I was able to get in, and she proceeds to tell me she never did have her pass revoked, that's just a line she gives to avoid confrontation. I immediately felt like an asshole that I put her in a position where I asked her to break the rule AND where she had to lie to me. Now, I did later learn that you don't lose your pass if you let someone in unless you do it multiple times, and even then there is a way to appeal (which I believe in my situation, that would be the case). However, I still felt like an asshole because I did ask her to break the rule.
I told this story to my friend who said I shouldn't feel bad. He told me I was fine for asking if she'd let me in since I do have access to the park. It's my right to be there. He also said the woman is also not an asshole here because she has a right to say no and to follow the rules. And let me be clear, at no point in this exchange was I mad at her. I thought I was the asshole.
My friend told me to post this story here to see what Reddit users thought.
So, Am I the Asshole?
TLDR: Asked to be let into a dog park. Felt bad I asked a person to break the rule for me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XSSwuBQ6Y65kftXrOQkaRubdtPGDJ4BD | b20nl3 | {
"description": "kicking a kid out of his birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking a kid out of his birthday party? | I work at a laser tag arena as a rule enforcer and often have to remove people from games for breaking the rules. In this particular instance the person removed was there celebrating his birthday. We have 5 simple rules that we require people to follow; no climbing, no running, no physical contact, hold the laser gun with both hands, and no foul language put downs or intimidation. Removal of rule breakers is generally left up to those of us in the arena.
The game where the kid got removed had 40+ people including the workers packed into a 4500sq foot room with obstacles. There was a good amount of running going on in this game and we had to do a global final warning, and shortly after the birthday boy ran right past me and I kicked him out much to his parent's displeasure. They kept saying that I should've given him another chance but I stuck by my original decision. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
r6EWvzxjYgIw3JGD9B7NXnEpYE0R3kKj | a605vy | {
"description": "wanting to stay friends with someone who fancies me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to stay friends with someone who fancies me | Dating new lass but prior to this an old female pal broke up with her bf and I was her shoulder to cry on. I invited her to my family meetup, we would be sharing a tent for the night. Fast forward, I'm dating the new lass and the family meetup approaches, new lass unhappy with the tent arrangement. I break it off and explain to female friend the issue. She is unhappy, as we are mates. I think the new lass overreacted, a few days pass and the old friend says she fancies me. I reckon it's just a bounce back thing as we've been mates for yonks and nowt has happened. New lass really unhappy and I end up saying to my mate, we can't be friends.
I've always thought my new lass, who I've dated for 2 years now is the asshole, but aita? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
4UfwjgE41V0Y3Oi3tL8QaEzrFAotTPWk | aabbs8 | null | AITA? Gf's 'friend' suggests that she should leave me, due to her thinking it's stockholm syndrome. (bad title please read post) |
TD:DR
read girlfriend's friends dm, about some issue we had, she said that this is 'just like her ex' and from everything she told her, its stockholm syndrome and she needs to end this relationship
(16 M btw)
(something to note is we both have each others accounts)
Also I'll call the friend T, and my gf G.
So it was a Saturday night, and I was talking to my girlfriend over discord, and I made a joke when she asked a question, about how there was a bird over there, and how she should look over there to find it. She says 'Where?!', obviously playing along with the joke, so I thought I'd message my mate, and tell him to tell her there's a bird just under there. (ya know, the old 'underwear?' joke) and he does. I tell him to delete all those messages so she can't see them (she has my discord account) and she sees the messages, screenshots them when I say delete them, and she sends them.
I, as a man of pure talent, claimed she photoshopped the picture, and she shows that she is annoyed with that response. (I guess that she was actually serious, I thought she was still playing along) she says she wont respond until I admit the dms were real. At this point, I have to go and pick my sister up from the airport. I dont respond, bc i didnt know what to say tbh.
A side note here. I thought T was my friend too, so I told her my side of the story starting here.
So I am with mum to airport, pick sister up, takes about 30 minutes all together. and she still hasnt messaged. I send a message, saying 'hey babe? you okay?' because I'm a little worried now. I go back to celebrate sister coming home, still worried about the whole thing. she ignores me for about another 30 minutes, then I send another few messages, because I'm starting to get more worried about her. have I done something that I'm unaware of? idk.. so I log into her discord.. and whenever I send a message, whether it be are u okay or anything, she closes the dm (that means that she can no longer see me in her list of dms). I obviously get a bit worried, and I feel something in the pit of my stomach. she keeps closing the dms when messaging her, and I begin to shake, not a 'cold' shake but I guess a fear shake? this is the first time I really shook like this, plus I was close to really freaking out about it.
I sorta slow down messaging her, since that could be the issue. Wait another 30 minutes, my fear and saddness has kinda turned into anger. The sorta 'why the fuck wont she tell me what I did' sorta shit. I sent a few angry messages, starting with 'I'm actually kinda fucking pissed now'. bc I was. Seemed stupid that I had sent messages only for her to read them, and close them. So, remember, since I have her account, I go on and see if she's talking about me. She is. she is saying to quote 'he's fucking pissed now'. (this is to the friend who thinks that it's stockholm syndrome spoiler alert)
I'm not sure why, and this is the thing I'm questioning, so I ask G 'if u wanna break up tell me, bc I'd rather u tell me then I just play this guessing game'. She responds to T by telling her 'please tell him I dont wanna break up' (T didnt tell me until about 30 minutes later) G says she hates it when I'm angry, and T begins to describe how she's in the right and i'm in the wrong because I 'didn't let u speak your mind' and it's clear that 'he does it alot so' She also mentions how her ex use to do the same. Made no sense since she chose not to say anything, and I wanted her to talk.
She goes on to say that from what G has told T, it looks like Stockholm syndrome, just like her ex. (I asked G about this, and she didnt know what to say bc she didn't really understand how it does actually mean that). there might be more to this but I didnt ask. T goes on to say that I'm nice, but I just have a very destructive personality. (something to mention is T said this to me as well, but she said T had one as well) T also said that 'you guys arent going to break up around this time, when T was heavily implying that G should dump me. but anyways, G starts talking to me, she sends a long message about what I did.
" 1. You subtly called me a liar because i photoshopped something which made me think you don't trust me 2. you told me that i shouldn't have looked at yours and 'my friend' dm's which in reality, i told you quite specifically not to look at T and my dm's but you did so i doubt it was even an issue. especially since i wasn't even doing anything, i just needed proof you two were talking about the whole bird thing 3. you pretended not to know what i was talking about which really fucking hurt and then jsut now, got so fucking angry at my that it quite literally made me even more upset. you said sorry. i knew it was a joke and i was fine with that. what hurt me so much was that you practically called me a liar and then lied about sending 'my friend' that message. you apologised once and i barely picked up on it tbh. you then told me to "fucking block you already" and started talking about a break up (MAJOR HEARTBREAK BTW) and while i knew you wouldn't have done it, hurt that you thought i was going to do it. i wanted some space earlier and i was fine after that, but then you started sending more messages and it made me even more fucking worse but that's fine, i guess "
T said around this time that 'u guys are happy sometimes but most of the time ur just upset, and that's not healthy'
I didnt know what to say to that. I left it for a bit, and G sent a very narky 'I'm sorry then' and I responded 'idk if u are tbh' G got really pissed at me for that. and T said that I am just 'super self destructive' I kept talking to gf, and eventually got to a even standground, I confess that I read her and T's dms and she was okay with it
I went through it all with her, and for most of it she defended me, which was really cute.
I love her so fucking much like omg.
So that's it, if I am confusing, tell me, I'll try clarify, but let me know what u guys all think about it all?
Thanks a ton, and if u have advice, ik ur not meant to tell me, so just dm me with it. Thanks :) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
TugAY50BZDs1k85clYzTMXrJy408bCHd | axoi3u | {
"description": "putting my foot down on my wife's ordering out",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 256
} | AITA for putting my foot down on my wife’s ordering out? | Wife says she’s too tired dealing with the tykes during the day to cook anything. I’ve tried helping out, but the most I know how to make is some hamburger helper. And even that’s usually under cooked. I’m just not good in the kitchen.
My wife keeps ordering out. Like almost everyday. It’s already here when I get home. It’s a lot of money. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she gets so hostile about it.
I finally put my foot down about it and said no more ordering out or I would freeze the card. She’s furious. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 173,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 83,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 20
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 256
} | WRONG |
VEvNq6F6BjbeSB5yWYEj9ZGRGecey9wG | b89yzx | null | AITA if when someone asks for something specific to be put on Netflix, and I have the remote, I pass the remote to them and expect them put it on? | These events took place around a week ago, so the details in this story are blurry and me and my housemate, Darren, couldn’t agree for certain what happened.
Two of my housemates and I were sat in our living mindlessly watching something on freeview television. One of them, Darren, suggests that either we watch something specific on Netflix, or to just go on Netflix in general. I maintain that he wanted something specific on, but we can’t remember, whereas he maintains it was a more general ‘shall we watch something else/something on Netflix’. I go to pass him the remote at which point I believe he called me a lazy prick and that I should have just put Netflix on.
My argument is that if he wanted something on, then it isn’t out to place to think that he would put it on, whereas he believes I should have just put it on from a moral perspective. One of my arguments was that if I said I wanted to play a game on the PS4, I wouldn’t then expect them put it on for me and then pass me the remote. His counterargument is that a game is a completely different medium and therefore not relevant. I believe that he is missing the point, and that it is principal of expecting something to be put on for you. Another one of his arguments is that he equates it to asking someone change the volume on the television, whereas I believe that this and putting on something on Netflix is two different ‘tiers’ of asking someone to do something. Our house believes that the argument hinges on whether or not Darren wanted something specific to be put on. Another additional factor is that we can’t recall our seating arrangement – whether or not Darren was sat next to me or at a distance with people in between us.
Typing this has made us realise that we should reassess our lives. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
cspNro59s5kkvZ4DLAAXaKrEPe6AdDOz | a4ccff | {
"description": "misunderstanding my partner and I's breakup",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for misunderstanding my partner and I's breakup | Me and my ex-partner had a relationship for nearly 6 years, being engaged for two of them. My partner suffers from problems such as social anxiety, depression and attempted suicide, however through the high's and low's we were completely committed to being with each other. This Halloween, my partner asks for us to split up on the reason that everything was getting too much (with her social anxiety, depression) and that we needed space. However, she stated that it was only until she worked things out and that she still had the same feelings, and would probably get back together anyway. After a week, she said that the actual reason is that she didn't love me anymore which left me incredibly confused.
We argued back and forth and we tried to move on, however for the past month I've been wanting to try and salvage anything from the time we were together. The problem I had was that we never tried to rectify or fix anything wrong in the relationship, such as the reasons why she didn't love me anymore. These were issues like not treating her the way she should (she's completely right) and that she felt alone. Over the past year I've been dealing with depression also from a multitude of reasons, so I can completely see where she's coming from. However I'm alone in thinking that we should at least try to salvage anything through talking, seeing what she wants, and attempting to fix what has gone on. We agree that our first 5 years were the best of our lives, but now already she's "moved on", has a new boyfriend (that has contradicting accounts from her and her parents) and it's "too late anyway" to try and attempt to fix it.
I feel like i'd have no problem in moving on if we tried everything and it just didn't work out, because I can accept that sometimes people just aren't meant to be. But we didn't, it was just left to die without even attempting to fix or acknowledge the issues before we broke up. Now, she has me blocked on all messaging services bar Messenger, and will refuse to see me or talk on the phone. I am completely at a loss.
Reddit, AITA for wanting to attempt to fix my ex-partner's 6 year relationship? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
ebhmGqjNtszXUp8kReROcmq95GHMhZMP | ad4ty7 | {
"description": "not wanting to to do job description, and not be used as a translator",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to to do job description, and not be used as a translator? | Hi all, looking for input on a work situation which is making me frustrated, but nobody else at the organisation thinks is a big deal.
I work for a combined education centre and museum in a country where English is not the first language but is mandatory in schools, and as we have many international groups visiting a lot of our materials are needed to be translated to English, and some seminars and tours are also offered in English. I come from a different country where English is also not the mother language, but as an adolescent/young adult I went to study then work for 8 years in the UK, so I seem to have got a reputation as an English expert in my current workplace. However, I am by no means perfect yet alone qualified to translate, and I find on the spot translation very difficult, simultaneous translation impossible, and written translation ok, but to be honest, boring.
My workplace has agreements with professional translators, but their fees are high, and rightly so - they have impressive skills and talents. To save money though, for anything that is not an official publication, bosses and colleagues start to ask me instead. I have several problems with this:
1. It takes the time away from my actual job as a teacher who organises and conducts seminars/study visits etc. Rushing preparation for events because I have had to translate things for other departments makes me feel like I am not honouring my committment to my students properly.
2. I end up being an assistant, not a professional. It is frustrating to plan a programme which I am really passionate about then have my boss order me to sit at the back and help those international participants who do not understand so well whilst a colleague delivers the programme and gets credited with my work.
3. I feel used. Some staff in other departments who know nothing about me and have barely even said hello, just ring up and say they need translation without asking if I have time, or saying please or thank you. I feel you should have manners if you want a favour. I do say upfront if I really do not have time, but then they act really pissed off, which I do not think is fair.
4. I just do not enjoy translation. I get that there are parts of jobs that just are not enjoyable, but this is way more than I feel I signed up for when being hired.
5. I am not a native speaker and cannot guarantee that I will not make a mistake. I would be embarrassed and feel unprofessional if a letter went out to teachers with a mistake on it.
6. Some of the other staff speak just as good English as I do anyway. Once I went with a colleague who was leading a German tour and had to summarise the information in English as we went along, and I completely went blank on some vocabulary and he jumped in and helped anyway, so I am not sure while I am always the one who gets told to interrupt my own work for translation.
I have tried to raise this with my colleagues and bosses, but only one, who gets used in a similar way for another language, sympathises with me. My department boss first thought I was offended because I do not get paid a professional translation fee, saying herself that I am not a professional... I know that, and aside from insisting on overtime pay if I stay longer for this extra work, it is not about the money. Otherwise, she just does not see my problem. She keeps saying I should be flattered, and that English is a good skill I should be proud of, and makes me feel arrogant and spoiled for even raising the issue.
I am worried that if I put my foot down too hard, I will get sacked and miss out on my actual job, which I love, when I am given the chance to do it.
What do you think, reddit? Do I owe it to my colleagues to use my language knowledge, or are they taking advantage? Thanks for your input. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GyeVadmtencnabKEzK6MaHwvQ8rffoYO | adoe60 | {
"description": "wanting my girlfriend to end her friendship because of extreme political beliefs",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my Girlfriend to end her friendship because of extreme political beliefs? | I have Taiwanese ancestry, and am currently living in the west doing my Masters. My girlfriend is friends with another student from the same university, who comes from China. We got along fine, until we were all sitting together eating lunch and one of her friends asked her what she thinks about the conflict, to which she responded with all seriousnes that she does not mind Taiwan people, but if they ever wanted to be independent china should kill them all for being traitors, and their opinion does not matter as they do not have a voice. I continued eating my meal. As she never was in any way offensive to me, I strongly assumed she was just being stupid and decided to inquire later about it. I did that over Messenger, and she confirmed that she was being serious and restated her opinion.
The same day I had a talk with my girlfriend and essentially told her that I would very much like her not to be friends with said person, as I felt that her beliefs were quite offensive. Just to be clear, this is not something I have ever done before. My girlfriend said that she does not care about other people opinions, and she never actually harmed any of us - which is true. She does not know I have Taiwanese ancestry, and I do not know how she would treat me if she did know.
Now I am conflicted, if asking my girlfriend to break that friendship off. On one hand, she did not do any harm to us. On the other, I would not be friends with someone if my girlfriend found out that this person is a white supremacist. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yCu0OfcSwQHv0O6DfwsQkTSkPKcErCdb | av7zut | {
"description": "asking my mom why she lets her in-laws stay with her given recent family drama",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my mom why she lets her in-laws stay with her given recent family drama? | Generic mobile apology, etc etc
My mom has been visiting my family for the last couple of days. While she's been here, she's been complaining about my dad's family. Recently, my dad's mother passed away and my aunt and her family have laid claim to everything she owned--her house, her possessions, etc. My mom is mad because this means that none of the other children or grandchildren (include myself and my siblings) have anything to get.
Here are some necessary details:
1. As far as I know, there was no will.
2. My dad's mother lived in another country, with the aforementioned aunt and her family, who helped care for her in her old age.
3. We have no relationship with my dad's mother. He married a woman of a different race, enraging my grandmother. She never had any interest in us because we are the black sheep of the family.
4. This aunt, when she visits our country, often stays with my mom and dad. Sometimes, she's here for months at a time.
Now I love family gossip and a good inlaw rant as much as the never person, but it started to aggravate me after a while. I told my mom, without raising my voice or being rude, that I didn't really want to hear any more. I don't understand how you can complain about someone and say that they're greedy and lying and then open your doors to them. It just felt like a lot of empty talk to me. I also don't feel like we had any reason to expect anything. My dad's mother had no love for us and it isn't like we ever tried to connect with her. Yes, it would have been nice if she had put her racism aside and taken an interest in us as we were growing up, or even just left us something small to let us know we meant something to her, but that didn't happen. And honestly, I don't want anyone saying they did me any favors, in this life or the next.
So anyway, my mom is upset with me because I said I don't understand why if she's angry with this person (my aunt), she would let her stay in her house. She said she's not angry, and I said that it sounds like it the way she keeps bringing it up.
My mom is an extremely giving and forgiving person, always willing to make sacrifices for someone else, but I think she lets people take advantage of her. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Qj3P6h1ZgOcaiftz4lxi768X9XkCownt | b92qry | {
"description": "not letting my brother smoke weed with me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my brother smoke weed with me | I recently just got a dap pen and everything has been going fine, over the summer I tried to get my brother to smoke with me, and he almost did, and now my younger brother (7th grade so hes 13) also knows that I smoke and has been asking me to let him smoke. I havent because my older brother said he would never smoke with me and tell our parents if I let him smoke. Now my younger brother is starting to really annoy me about it and has even stopped talking to me. Am I the asshole for not letting my brother smoke. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
e2jGxAJl87iQ86PKASg7ladQh7eBploa | ab9r5w | {
"description": "refusing to date someone of the same ethnic background as my ex",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for refusing to date someone of the same ethnic background as my ex? | Just some background on my past relationship— I was in a year-long relationship with a Filipino guy during college. He was very much a mama’s boy, and his mother was extremely jealous of any time he and I spent together. She also got pissed at him for spending $40 on my birthday gift— she thought he should be spending $20 or less, yet come time for her birthday, he dropped $200 on a designer bracelet for her. She was also unhappy (and very vocally so) about her son dating a non-Filipino girl. When I voiced my concerns he said that this was just a “Filipino” thing and that they’re very family-oriented and that I wouldn’t understand. I spent some time looking at various Internet forums and I found that a lot of people had similar experiences with Filipino in-laws. Eventually we broke up because of these issues, and I vowed to have more self-respect than to date someone whose family verbally harasses me and disrespects my culture.
Well recently my friend wanted to introduce me to someone that she knew. Keep in mind that I am in my mid-20s now and I am honestly looking to settle down in a serious relationship with future potential. She showed me some pictures and I thought he looked cute. Then she said that he was Filipino and also that he still lived with his mom. I told her that I probably wasn’t interested in a date then, just because of my past experiences with a Filipino family. She somewhat ignored these remarks/laughed them off and proceeded to share my number with this guy.
He started texting me and I responded a couple of times. I also looked through his Instagram/Facebook and saw that he posted a lot of pictures with his family members, he made a post on Mother’s Day calling his mother the most important woman in the world, said nothing came before God and family. Asides from the whole family thing, I am not a religious person by any means and he didn’t seem to share the same hobbies as me. So the conversation grew stagnant and I eventually stopped responding.
My friend checked in with me a couple of days later and asked how it was going. I said I wasn’t into him, and that she shouldn’t have given him my number in the first place. I said, “I told you, I don’t like Filipino guys, and I’m also not some church-going girl.” Maybe I could’ve worded it better or not brought his ethnicity into it, I don’t know.
Anyway I guess she told the guy this because now he is texting me and telling me I am a “racist cunt” and that I didn’t even know him so how could I make those assumptions, not every Filipino guy is the same, etc. I am not responding but I did tell my friend she shouldn’t have told this guy all this shit. She said that it was my fault for making assumptions.
I feel like I was justified in expressing initial discomfort with the idea of dating someone whose culture I have historically been at odds with. I also feel like I did attempt to give this guy a chance, but all signs indicated that he was similar to my ex-boyfriend. Additionally, we had differing religious viewpoints and hobbies.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
hgJuRGnADDleZ07DTG2x0BA3U1Rdwgsb | ab0s9b | {
"description": "not sharing school project",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not sharing school project? | AITA for not sharing school project?
I am on my junior year of bachelor of architecture. I have one close friend in my class and we are giving High-Rise Buildings course together but he is not interested with it at all. This course has no exam but three projects and professor has matched students at first project so my friend came and said "Let's do it together", I said "no problem" but he did nothing and left everything to me about first project. It wasn't problem at the first sight because I loved the course and already made everything without him.
He came to me when the professor gave subjects of the second project and everything was the same with first project, he did nothing, I made everything and he said "Can you share with me?" I said "Uh, okay." because I've already made everything. But after all it was getting on my nerve because he had same grades with me with doing nothing.
At third and the last project, he came again and I said "We can do it together but I need you to promise me you will make something because we are coming to end of the semester and this project is hard, I can't do it all by myself." of course he said "I promise I will help to you." I went to him when I need help but nothing changed and he said "Sorry, you know I'm not interested with this course so I don't know anything, I can't help to you." so I said "Okay then, I won't share my project with you because I made every single thing on it."
He said I'm being a\*\*hole for doing that 'cause he won't pass if I don't share my project with him.
AITA for not sharing my project with him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nUZaTDpXxhssqBzt61L09ABQCwCEabTJ | adj8ej | {
"description": "wanting to have my graduation party 3 weeks before my sister's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 188,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting to have my graduation party 3 weeks before my sister's wedding? | I (27) will be graduating with my PhD in May. I want to have an afternoon family BBQ at a local park three weekends before my sister's wedding this summer to celebrate, especially since only my parents can attend the actual ceremony due to ticket limits.
​
I told my sister (24) yesterday and she's absolutely incensed that I would have any party before her wedding.
​
It's the only weekend that fits in my schedule (well, technically, the other two weekends leading up to her wedding work too, but I'm trying to choose a weekend that gives her a time/space buffer). If I cannot host the BBQ during one of these weekends, I will be unable to have the party at all. At least half the people I would invite do not have an invitation to my sister's wedding (my friends, extended family, etc.). This is my biggest life accomplishment and I want to celebrate with my loved ones, especially since I am a first-generation student.
​
AITA for wanting a graduation party 3 weeks before her wedding?
​
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 187,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 188,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
05jvSj2cXiwlh6pkjjL7xCdzUpeYflkB | ao1qb3 | {
"description": "not getting my sister a burger at the canteen",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not getting my sister a burger at the canteen | My sister is currently in university and I am in high school and she came down for the week since she had to drop off her dog because she is travelling to see her boyfriend in a different state. She dropped me off sometimes and she cooked just about every night and one day she asked if I could get her a burger from the school canteen and I said no because I didn't want to have to carry it in my bag and look like a weirdo. But the thing is that this burger has heaps of gravy on it so it would have destroyed my bag and my mum works at the school so I said that my mum could get her one and she could come into school during a lesson rather than having to wait until the end of the day. And my mum would of gotten the burger for her but on the day there was a water leak. When I had gotten home she said "did you know that there was a leak today ( I wasn't at school because I was doing an IT course)"
"yeah" I said
"because of that water leak I couldn't get my burger" she said
"oh" I said
"you know it's pretty fucking rude that you didn't get me that burger" she said
And then after that my dad said that I was an asshole because I didn't get that burger
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
LxMI3IILB4jUWNMk71CvyH0jhsrfm6gx | aeie27 | {
"description": "refusing to ignore the world's problems",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA if I refuse to ignore the world's problems | People in my life are starting to see me as a depressing as*hole by pointing out issues in topics. All I want is for people to be more aware of these issues like Amazon's greed and horrendous working conditions or how "you have to suffer for fashion" makes no f*cking sense
Should I STFU? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
mhExPgHJ4oShYe8dDwuzIW6hyqLsXcr7 | asxar1 | {
"description": "telling him that I like the sex we have without all the toys, restraints and additional partners? sexual abuse trigger",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling him that I like the sex we have without all the toys, restraints and additional partners? Sexual abuse trigger | First post: feel free to ask for more info if needed.
We have been together since we were 18 and 20. Regarding sexual partners, He doesnt keep count but it is significantly more than my partners. I can count the partners I have had on one hand. The penetration is what I have to feel safe about and that is rare with someone I just met.
About five years ago, we dabbled in the swinger lifestyle. He said I brought it up back then but I don't remember ever saying it and aside from a little liquid courage or trying to appease him, I've never entered into these relationships on my own. Even after his not-so-subtle push for me to be a hot wife or a cam girl. He regularly encourages me to go get drunk and go home with someone, claiming he just wants to share me. I've never done it, because I don't want to. He insists I just won't admit I want to sleep with other people or get out of my comfort zone.
I was molested as a child. During the early phases of our relationship and exploring intimacy, I even had breakdowns about conflicting feelings of being sexually touched and allowing myself to let it feel "okay". He knows my past.
He is a fantastic lover. He has studied my body and strives to give me so many orgasms, I lose count. Amazing! 10/10
However, he has also put hidden cameras in our bedroom, more than once, after I made it clear how it made me feel. One time, I did try to allow it to satisfy him but I hated being watched. He has coached me via text to mastubate and such while watching me, on a camera, I didn't know existed.
We recently started couples therapy. I've been in therapy myself about two months longer than our couple sessions, different therapist of course.
Therapy seems to be going well and sometimes he can see my perspective but he recently asked me if we will ever have sex like we did, meaning allowing him to use all sorts of toys on me. I don't always enjoy it. I usually don't ask for it. When he asks and I decline he sighs and shows obvious disappointment. I'm processing a lot of my own trauma including the deceit I feel about the cameras and have only been willing to use toys a handful of times in the last 3 months or so.
AITA for telling him that I like the sex we have without all the toys, restraints and additional partners? At least until I can process everything and feel safe again?
It's my body and I certainly can't predict when I'll suddenly feel like I'm trapped and being abused again but I'm trying to learn how to process and let it go. I'm trying to stay in my "safe zone" and proposed I do still enjoy it sometimes but I want to be the one to ask to do toys, etc because then I actually do want it versus him asking and me feeling guilted to oblige or having to tell him no and him being visibly disappointed.
Hopefully, I was clear. Thanks, reddit friends. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
afveNYAPgG36YWKh23IbocbRiSjCWwKc | b4wmxb | {
"description": "having an issue with my girlfriends piercing dream job",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for having an issue with my girlfriends piercing dream job? | This situation has be resolved, I’m just more or less curious as to what the internet might think.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for over two years, and while we have our troubles, the relationship has been phenomenal. We usually go about fights by talking through them and we try to understand each other. It’s important to note that I have crazy anxiety, and I understand this and try my best to combat it. I know I might get dreadfully anxious due to something that doesn’t deserve it, and I will try my best to control it.
So my girlfriends dream job is to be a piercer. She’s pierced herself multiple times, pierced her friends multiple times, and she’s actually very good at it. I’ve pushed her into it as well, she deserves to follow her dreams. She tried and tried to get an apprenticeship, but people kept turning her down until now. She finally found someone willing to train her. She’s been going and having an amazing time, and I’m happy and proud for her.
Unfortunately my anxiety has gotten the best of me here. I feel like there were too many independent variables, but that was an issue we were able to talk out. I had an issue with her piercing wherever she wanted, and her being the only girl surrounded by guys that she shares a passion with. Now for this part, I knew I was wrong. Whenever these issues pop up, I talk to her about why it upsets me, how I’m upset at myself for being upset, and then she walks me through why I should be more comfortable with it. She nearly never has to compromise because I know I’m in the wrong.
Now here’s where the real AITA comes in. My girlfriend was over he other day and offhandedly mentioned something her teacher said.
He said, “So your boyfriend is okay with this?”
She said, “Yes.”
He said, “Good, I don’t want to have another boyfriend barge in because his girlfriend is piercing a penis.”
And you know what, I took that wonderfully. We never talked about it happening, I never realized she might be piercing dicks, but I just figured hey, it’s a part of the job. I just let it go because it was her passion, and it genuinely did not bother me.
She goes to the salon, trains with her teacher, and has a fantastic time. She gets off and calls me right away, tells me about her great day and so on. She then asked me,
“Do you want your dick pierced?”
“Well no not at all.”
“Okay! Well then I’m going to have to ask someone else!”
And there was the problem. The idea of her piercing dicks wasn’t an issue when it was a stranger. But the idea of her asking our personal guy friends to do it? I immediately had an issue with it. I don’t want her to know what one of our friends dicks look like, work related or not. It just bothered me a lot, and she simply could not understand why. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 23
} | WRONG |
ozL63RwH7TWmJtugIC5U61jr3OmeznJM | b3zif7 | {
"description": "confronting my friends about what happened to our plans to move in together",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I confronted my friends about what happened to our plans to move in together? | Me [19F] and 2 of my friends [19F and 20M; in a relationship] live in NorCal and were all planning to save money and move to SoCal together. 20M already has a place down there and the plan was for the three of us to find a 2-bed together once his lease expires in about 5 months. we had been talking about it for months and even had specifics figured out about how much we would each need to save for the move and how much we would each pay for rent every month. I was pretty stoked because I don’t have the best home life and they are both well aware of that. Me and 19F were going to find a place in Tahoe up until 20M came into the picture in 2017, so moving out together had been our plan for years.
Anyway, they never directly talked to me about removing me from the arrangement but instead started saying things that implied that only the two of them were going and never told me why. I would feel better if I at least knew the reason why they decided to do this but I didn’t even get a heads up and I’m honestly pretty hurt. I’ve worked my ass off to save thousands of dollars for the move only to be silently pushed out of it, while the other 19F is unemployed with nothing saved up. Her prospects aren’t looking too good either, based on her performance when I (stupidly) vouched for her & got her hired seasonally at my job. Would I be the asshole for confronting them about this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KV4i7VWt07bX4Ad4nV7gzncMW0fR8WLC | 9wj4mm | {
"description": "just wanting to look at funny shit on Reddit and not be bummed out",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Because I just want to look at funny shit on Reddit and not be bummed out? | So me and a friend both just found out about Stan Lee's death and honesty we're both fans of the guy and everything he's done and we obviously agree it's sad he passed. 95 is good fuckin going but still.
I said to my mate *"Looks like I'll have to add a filter for "Stan Lee" for a few days now."* and he gave me this look and told me that I was being a dick. I defended my statement by explaining the following but he wasn't having it.
My argument is, I'm not undermining his passing and I'm not telling people they shouldn't make posts, discuss his achievements and tell stories etc. All I'm just saying is, yes it's sad but I've honestly never been a mega fan. I appreciate his work but I'd rather every other post I see for the next week *not* be about this one thing so I'll add a filter and keep on enjoying other content on /r/all or stick to other specific subreddits.
He says I'm not being respectful and I'm being really insensitive.
If I had said, ***Oh for fuck sake I don't care"*** I could understand but I was genuinely sad to hear the news. I just don't see the point in looking at hundreds of posts about a celebrity death for days every time it happens. It's the same reason I have a filter for "Trump" because I'm not using Reddit to discuss politics.
I just want to watch funny videos, read funny threads and discuss topics that personally interest me... Sometimes I browse /r/all and I'd rather filter out stuff I find repetitive or I don't want to see... It's not an attack just a preference.
Oh and my mate to my knowledge isn't a huge fan either, he just got really funny with me for saying I was going to filter the posts.
What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yLdh526YxxxSB6hfTQJsNxnKJYxuh4wh | b0h28g | {
"description": "ending a relationship via, you guessed it, text message",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for ending a relationship via, you guessed it, text message? | Well, I tried to be concise but failed. Here's my short story about the first time I've broken up with someone and the resulting potential assholery.
​
I've been seeing this guy for just under two months. This is the longest I've ever dated someone because I'm in my early 20s and working through some of my own issues, but this guy seemed really nice and we had a lot in common so I tried to make it work. He was also very receptive to the fact that this is the first time I was giving a relationship a shot.
​
Even though I did enjoy being with him, I realized last week that I haven't been feeling much emotionally and I don't think I see it going anywhere. He would tell me that he missed me, how he wanted to do things and go places with me in the future, etc, and I'm nowhere near there. I didn't make those same comments and responded to them without talking about our future or saying that I missed him back. There were other things that added to the decision, but I'm blabbering. Knowing that we wouldn't workout, and also knowing that I wouldn't be able to see him until Sunday at the earliest, I did the deed. I texted him and ended it - very respectfully, but still via text. He seemed upset that it was via text and essentially called me childish.
​
I was hesitant to do it by text, but I didn't want to lead him on for days and pretend like I'm still interested to talk when I've made up my mind. I also can't imagine making him sit through dinner if I know I'm going to end it, or going out of his way to come to my house just for me to turn him away. Ideally I would go to his place and do it, but we just graduated so he lives with his parents and I was never ready to meet them.
​
I looked online at a number of blogs that gave me some direction and said it's normal to do it via text if you've been dating for less than two months, but looking back how the hell does a blog know right from wrong? I weighed the facts -- we don't text a lot, never talk on the phone, and we've seen each other probably 6 times over the course of almost 2 months -- so I thought this was ok. Now I'm worried that I owed him more than I gave him and should have done it differently. Maybe I just feel bad because it's the first time I've ended any kind of relationship that's over two weeks old, or maybe I'm the asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
qbXQtLuRcLvfrbzTuhdjXTvdASP0eTBq | antb2c | {
"description": "getting tired of taking care of my wife",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Getting Tired of Taking Care of my Wife (Despite not complaining) | So I am trying to word this carefully, as the initial title is going to make most people automatically assume I am an asshole. So before judging please read the full amount.
So my wife is 7 months pregnant, and she basically has not had a fun time (obviously being pregnant). So i've taken over I would say 99.9% of the "work" in the house. This means all chores/all cooking/cleaning/etc..., also getting her everything she needs, rubbing her back constantly, etc...
And I do this glady because, well being pregnant sucks and it's hard and I am not pregnant so im obviously able to do these things easier.
HOWEVER, she has been getting upset here recently because well..it gets tiring to me obviously to have to be responsible for everything. Sometimes Im not 100% super excited to run up and down the stairs to get something 5 times in 30 minutes or go out at 11pm when im getting ready for bed since I have to get up early for work because she wants X food item. Or rub her back for the 5th time when im trying to get things done around the house. The thing she gets upset about is that I sometimes have a sort of look on my face of I would say "Not exactly excited about what she's asking me".
Not let me preface this that I have 100% NEVER complained about any of this, I don't roll my eyes, I don't go "UGH Seriously?". Occasionally when it's SUPER late I will say "Is there any way I can pick up X items tomorrow on my way home" but I still end up going out. I work as a Nurse so my days can be quite long and I am tired some days naturally.
Basically she gets upset because she can tell I don't want to do these things because I get tired sometimes, or I will occasionally want some alone time to decompress because I mean...im stressed too I mean I got my first kid coming and that's obviously stressful along with taking care of everything. Don't get me wrong im not trying to diminish her difficulties obviously as being pregnant I imagine is absolutely not fun...but does that mean I have to be 100% smiling rainbows all the time?
I make sure to NEVER complain about anything and I have never ever said anything about it being inconvenient or anything. I just don't feel like it's abnormal to get a little tired of taking care of someone sometimes. I mean I know people that take care of sick people go through the same thing, SURELY they feel these emotions too?
AITA?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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s6AUXbXA6TF7NZjyhg5U1FpINTZ0bDug | atr0sa | {
"description": "retaliating against my noisy neighbors",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA For retaliating against my noisy neighbors? | Im (M27) and have lived in the same apartment for 5 years. I’ve been married for two years. My previous upstairs neighbors were great and I never heard them. In fact if I didn’t occasionally see them I would have assumed the upstairs unit was vacant. 7 months ago however we got new neighbors up there. It’s a single mom with a daughter I estimate to be 5.
The first week of them living there was fine, but then tragedy struck my peaceful and quiet world. I work from home mostly and all day I would hear loud music, and what sounded like they were dropping bowling balls on the floor for hours. They then got a puppy they would leave alone for hours on end that barked non stop. The mom would bring countless men over and have the loudest sex I’ve ever heard. Also they would let her child run and jump around until 2am.
After talking to them about how loud they were I finally started to complain the landlord and nothing has been done. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I bought several google homes and a canary view security system, and whenever I’m gone or they get to loud at night I’ll yell up and ask them to be quiet, and when they fail to do so I blast some music or an annoying noise.
Still that didn’t help, but I finally found a solution after telling them I can’t sleep and they’re making my life miserable and her only response to me this whole time was, “sorry you think you’re better than me.” And “You have no idea how hard it is to be a mom!” I started waiting for them to sleep, and I placed my security alarm by the vent and randomly will turn on the alarm in the middle of the night until I hear them wake up and about something. Then I turn it off and wait for them to sleep and do it again.
I’ve only done it a few times, but they’re much more quiet now.
So... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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13atbGe7Wpri6wxktejKr4ocLwSkBJyb | aseuym | {
"description": "I got marrying in the venue my best having to cancel because her fiancé cheated and called the wedding off",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I got married in the venue my best friend had to cancel because her fiancé cheated and called the wedding off? | Some context. My childhood best friend was in a relationship for over a decade and was getting married later on in the year. I was her maid of honour and helped her pick this stunning venue which was local, affordable and just all around beautiful. Me and my SO were actually talking about booking the place for our wedding before things went South for my friend.
Her fiancé then went to another country and "fell in love with another woman" (later admitting to cheating as well), called off the wedding and left my best friend. As a result she had to cancel everything, including the venue but luckily got the majority of her money back.
Me and my SO aren't getting married in the immediate future, more like 2-3 years after we're more settled in our home.
WIBTA if I got married in the venue that she was going to be married in?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
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} | RIGHT |
dXfx7FlUrFtLo0JIsuwF68KwxgUchRHT | aokzsu | {
"description": "not wanting to walk at my college graduation",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to walk at my college graduation? | I hated going to my high school graduation and would not have attended if I didn't have to give a speech. Now, my parents know that I am not intending to go to my college graduation and are trying to pressure me into going because of family and the fact that this would be the first one that they go to (I am the first person to have gone to college in my dad's side and my mom's sisters went to college but my parents could not attend the ceremony).
Celebrating my graduation is almost insulting to me. If I weren't going to grad school I wouldn't even be using my degree. The only reason I came here is to delay the time before I have to work for the rest of my life. The careers offered by my degree are only desk jobs which seem like absolute hell. Since I am staying for grad school, I feel as though going to the ceremony would be a huge waste of time. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rCqXzT7OFGYiJhXzgnqz3OOqGkJbovJW | avrekq | {
"description": "not returning a store key until I receive my paycheck",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not returning a store key until I receive my paycheck? | Hi, I'm going to make this as short as I can. I worked at a very small retail company for one day. After my first shift, I missed a call from my manager (was busy with a family emergency) and she immediately cancelled all my future shifts via the When I Work app. I messaged her as soon as I saw the schedule change and informed her I was quitting immediately because I don't tolerate managers that behave this way. She apologized and said there must have been a miscommunication but I still quit and asked her to mail my check and I would mail the store key. This messaging occurred two weeks ago and I have not recieved my check, if I was working there I would have received it last Friday.
She never said she wasn't going to mail my check until yesterday, almost two weeks after I quit. I was told that all employees receive their checks in the mail and I honestly didn't think it was an inconvenience of any kind. She messaged me yesterday and said it's company policy to not send a final check until all "company property" (the key) is received. This is a really small check, the shift was only five hours at minimum wage, so it really has no bearing on me. I mean, I'm pretty broke so the money would help, but it isn't detrimental to my life. The company does other sketchy things (pays employees under the table) so I'm weary about sending the key before I get my pay. I looked into state law and company property does not seem to impact pay in my state. She asked me to personally drive to the store and deliver the key and she would have my check ready (she implied that it hasn't been made yet, even though it's past due). The store is about 40 minutes from my house and I'm really not trying to waste gas because as mentioned, I'm pretty broke.
I sent the manager a message regarding the state general law with citations and links, since it is state law to pay employees that have resigned on the following regular pay day. I informed her again that I will mail the key when I receive the check. I'm really not looking to take her to court over a small check but I'm also not cool with how this company operates, no taxes and they're not paying me now. I'm trying to figure out if I'm the asshole since I *could* just drive there. I feel like I'm being stubborn but I also don't feel like I'm being unreasonable.
So, AITA for the being stubborn about not sending the key until I get the check? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
jCC68bXySbQVqyx9GGOoV7SY5aUue5Dw | as4heu | {
"description": "being suspicious about a friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being suspicious about a friend | Right at the start of 2019 I met someone at a new job well call Shelly after about a month of dates we got together and im extremely happy because I’ve been in a emotional draught for years now (I wasn’t the most good looking guy in HS) everything is great except one thing. A friend, who I’ll call Mac is a long time friend with Shelly. They kissed once at a party many months ago and she regretted it. As there friends we all go out together with another friend we’ll call Steve. But as of late they have been meeting up at about 12 ( it’s no secret from me) without me or Steve. Bear in mind this mac got with and slept with my ex which in all honestly I didn’t care about at the time. Steve also told me that his brother asked Mac how he feels about us two being together and he got proper jealous and almost angry. I have trust in Shelly but I’m beginning to dislike Mac and honestly want to call him out on it. So I guess this is a “am I gonna be an asshole” i hope that doesn’t break the rules but thank you for reading. I’m 17 btw if that is useful info,
Thank you | HISTORICAL | {
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nfb9ipcOoaATPowlTZ1wjMdND3qV0THn | ax7tyb | {
"description": "wanting an item of inheritance",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting an item of inheritance? | This is a 2-part: and also not understanding my fiancee's point of view on it?
A relative passed recently who was a hoarder and she had tons of items she purchased, some of which she never opened. As with hoarding there were bug droppings in some things - for context - but for practically this fact never came up in our discussions.
So she passed and left a bunch of opened and unopened kitchenaid stuff, all of which can be cleaned. My fiancee loves her kitchenaid and wanted stuff on the wedding registry for it but claims that if we take one of these items we'll have less on our registry to fill out for guests, which is a bit of a valid point because we're already having trouble filling out our registry and guests are asking us what we want, which shows me they want to give us a gift - however from a practical point of view I consider it completely wasteful and impractical for that. However I'm not interested in the kitchenaid gear, so I have no stake in where we get it from, so now it's just me trying to convince her that her feelings are wrong and I can't understand it at all.
Can someone please tell me I'm the asshole and why? Because I really don't get this. | HISTORICAL | {
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PPClktwrrSFMPFr8MqmQCsxsAjbSKpzp | b8ubyp | null | AITA: Slow paying a slow payer | A friend of mine is notoriously bad at paying out his losing bets and I've had to "chase" him for months several times to close his bets with me (a few hundred bucks and he can definitely afford it). Finally, pay back presents itself. He's the banker and co-organizer for a bachelor party we are organizing for a common friend. He's put down deposits and requested people send him cash so he's not out of pocket for long. We're talking about $2000 USD total for the week per person. No problem, I look at the breakdown of costs to make sure I'm not overpaying as I don't want him to owe me money at the end of it as I suspect it's going to be a bitch to get it back from him. I notice that they overcharged me $150, innocent mistake, I bring it to their attention and they tell me, np just pay us $1850. I send it. Incidentally right after I send payment, the other organizer says that the amount was for contingency / incidentals, but no big deal we'll just settle at the end. A few days later, he brings the subject up again saying it's not fair to the group that I didn't pay the extra $150. I explain that he said it was fine and I also let him know that the banker has been a notoriously slow payer to me and I don't want to have a balance owed to me by him by the end of this. He disagrees as my issue with my friend has nothing to do with the group (which I don't think makes any sense since a balance will likely be owed one way or another). AITA for withholding the $150? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
H13ySbjOri1C2BsJBkws3Y3HW102vC2y | b9c6ih | {
"description": "not being sad about my brother's death",
"pronormative_score": 109,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not being sad about my brother's death? | I never knew him. I wasn't born when he died. He died as an infant and as expected my mother is always torn up about it around his birthday and when he passed. Now I feel for my mom, and I'm there for her, but she gets really upset with me for jot being upset that he isn't alive cause he's family. I just find it hard to be upset over a death of someone I never knew. Does this make me an asshole? I'd like to think we're both not assholes, but would like some others opinions. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 109,
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} | RIGHT |
FIk0h470oKMIRcNU1ew06n0GvCRjRBkg | ava64v | null | AITA Peope Accuse Me of Being a Homophobe because I Don't Like My Asshole Gay Brother. | My slightly older gay brother is an asshole. He was the first openly gay kid in our High School. He moved away but is still Facebook friends with the whole town. He is alot of people's token gay. Anyway he is a shit bag of a person. Generally mean, narcissistic, virtue signalling, hypocritical, arrogant, and a snob. So dealing with him is a nightmare. When ever I express this to my friends and family they accuse me of being a homophobe. Why can't I have negative feelings towards my gay brother? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
4Lgqk4qF0rmZKw1gqTK2DWpxPDYdR1Tt | afzj45 | {
"description": "exposing the Mormon church for the fraud it is to my entirely-mormon family",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | WIBTA If I expose the Mormon church for the fraud it is to my entirely-mormon family? | disclaimer: if you are a Mormon reading this, I genuinely mean no disrespect towards you in any way shape or form and would actually reccomend to stop reading now.
without going into too much detail, there is something called the CES letter that essentially proves that Joseph Smith was a complete fraud in 15+ different ways. among many other issues with the church that just urks me to even think about, this is the only factual piece of evidence but boy is it damning.
to my question. I was raised in a Mormon family and fell away some years ago, it had nothing to do with the CES letter. would I be an asshole if I posted the link to this letter on my Facebook/Instagram and other medias? I'm considering posting this exact paragraph word for word:
"to all my friends and family. I know this may come as a shock to you, but the church of Jesus Christ as you know it and have believed in it for years, is false. I don't want to offend any of you and I want all of you to know that I have loved and will continue to love you, regardless of the choices you make after reading this post. whether it be to read this letter or to ignore it or even to block my future posts. I accept all consequences. I know that some of you have questions regarding the church's true history. the answers to your questions can be found in this letter. to those of you who have never questioned the church or it's leaders, I believe you still deserve to know the truth.
CESletter.org
I love you all and nothing about that will ever change. you all deserve the truth and it is my greatest hope for you to one day find it. thank you."
WIBTA for doing this so publicly?
thanks in advance.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
XAaAyd8OEYifREgeeQO3nLZeYDK0ooY9 | avzd76 | {
"description": "confronting boyfriend for texting other girl while we're out together",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA: Confronting boyfriend for texting other girl while we’re out together | This is a throwaway account.
I [24F] just got back from a two week long trip to visit my long distance boyfriend [26M]. This is the second time this year we’ve seen each other and I was really excited to be able to see him again.
A thing is that I know he has this friend (who lives in another country pretty far from ours) who he talks to a lot, which is fine and he’s allowed to have friends. But, he kept pulling out his phone to text her while we were out alone together, like at restaurants or while we were laying next to each other cuddling. They weren’t long conversations, just quick hey I’m doing x texts, which I send to my friends sometimes too. It just kinda bugged me since we don’t get to see each other often, and he kept taking opportunities to text her even while we were out on a dinner dates together and not actually using his voice to talk to me much. Our conversations honestly felt pretty one sided. It doesn’t bug me that he has a friend, just it stung that he kept looking at his phone to text her during our two weeks together we get couple of months or so. There was an instance where he even bought a gift to send to her at a gift shop we stopped at (for transparency, he bought me something at the same place).
I wouldn’t even have minded if he wasn’t doing it while we were cuddling in bed or on dinner dates.
Another thing is that I know he had a crush on this girl about 3 years ago, and says he doesn’t anymore. I genuinely don’t know if it’s my insecurity making me feel this way. I really don’t want to be a controlling girlfriend who gets upset at her boyfriend for so much as talking to another girl, so I said nothing about this during the trip. But, it’s still bugging me. WIBTA if I confronted him about this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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WqS57ionDd61FsAXuySBH5LS8P8j9epn | anpmhs | {
"description": "telling my parents to not be so controlling over wedding plans",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my parents to not be so controlling over wedding plans? | Bit of background, me and my fiancé are only 19 but have been dating for over two years. We’re also religious which isn’t the reason for this but is necessary for the story. My parents are paying for most of the wedding (They’re well off) and me and my fiancé are paying for the rest (I have savings she doesn’t really but has been saving) her parents aren’t having a great time money wise and are only buying the dress.
Anyway, I’d been at my fiancé’s house with her parents and we’d been sorting the invites out and writing a letter to our Place of Worship as is required to get married there. I decided to write the letter with my fiancé’s father as he is an Elder there and we are getting married in the place of worship where they live. At the same time I sent a screenshot to my parents of what our invites look like. We hadn’t finished them at all, just finished the design, since we obviously didn’t know if we had permission to use the POW.
So we finished the letter and I went back home and as I walked in my parents give me a list, an actual list, of everything wrong with the invite (address and stuff) I tell them that we just filled them in so we could look at the invites in full since this is how the website work but they then started calling me useless and said I should have done it with them.
Then my father demands, doesn’t ask, demands to see the letter, which I was going to show him anyway. He reads it and critiques everything, even me spelling something wrong. I then explained that it was a draft and I was going to get it spell checked by my sister since that’s what she does as a job but he was then demanding I rewrite it all.
Now I was beginning to get frustrated now. I understand that they are supporting me and being very generous but this, too me anyway, is just being controlling and a bit disrespectful toward my fiancé and her parents.
I tell them to “not be so-controlling” and they immediately throw a fit at me and I just leave them too it because I’m tired and have been working all day. Next morning my sister won’t speak to me and my parents are being super short with me and now I’m just fed up.
Am I the asshole? Should I have handled it differently? I just feel guilty now for wanting to plan my own wedding. Should I?
Tl;Dr
Told my parents not to be so controlling over the wedding invites and a letter which I designed with my future parents-in-law and hadn’t finished.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
y4G72d1Ce2tVZ9VscvUNJ1XNylCsCaTh | ba8i39 | {
"description": "calling someone in game babe",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling someone in game babe? | I've been dating my Girlfriend now almost 3 months now, and I think she's amazing. We meet on New Years and we just clicked so quickly it was awesome. We like a lot of the same games, and actually played alot of COD together on PC. During those sessions, she would know how I would be accused of hacking since I would always get MVP in almost each match. IWe generally use to laugh about how mad some people would get over how good I would do.
So this is to pretty much give context for today. I was playing some Black ops 4 and I got hackusations from a dude in the match. As you can imagine, the conversation turned into me calling him stupid, and he said he would send the proof on reddit as he said, "Say Hi to Reddit!" since he accused me of wall hacking.
Now, I was starting to think it was funny that he pretty much said he would post the gameplay of me "hacking" onto reddit so I said as a joke "Send me the link babe after".
In that situation I suppose I was being a bit of an AH.
Afterwards, I was talking to my girlfriend and I mentioned how I got accused of hacking again, and I had a screenshot of the chat in game about it that I took earlier for a mate of mine. I sent it her since I wanted us to get a good laugh. However, she became very upset that I had called them babe, and then she dropped the call. I asked her why she dropped it and she said she was waiting for an answer. We got into a little argument where I said she was over reacting considering the context that I used it in, and how it was clearly in a condescending manner over something that was pretty trivial. But, she thinks it was uncalled for, said "how many times you do this shit without telling me", and again how she wants to "hear the right answer" about the whole subject. She then proceeded to say I was blaming her for the argument.
I can understand how your partner calling someone babe can hurtful, but I still do think that in this situation and my use of it isn't something to be upset about.
AITA here?? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OH7MXUTo22eL1tjRryCZgrg5Yb0uapG7 | at8l0s | {
"description": "not meeting with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not meeting with my friend | BACKGROUND INFORMATION: I live 5 minute walk from both of the people in my story.
I had plans with my Dexter, which didn't have a time set in stone. He told me he would let me know when he got back from some errands and we would meet up then.
He gave me an approximate time of when he would be back, and it was 30 minutes past that time and he didn't respond to any of my messages.
My other, Winston, who I haven't seen since last summer messages me and asks if we can hang. While I out with Winston, Dexter tells me hes back. I tell him I'm out with Winston and won't be available for another 15-20 minutes, but immediately he wrote back "be at your place in less than 10".
After about 20 minutes, I'm walking Winston back to his place, and tell Dexter I'm on my way home. He tells me he's been waiting for 25 minutes for me and he's going to leave and stay home instead of hangout. I say okay and I'm sorry, then explain to him that because I didn't hear back, I went to hang with Winston for a bit and was planning on seeing him after.
He has been ignoring me ever since, so am I the asshole for making him wait? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
Nj2VMxV8tHlubgY8V3YJGifWHAm1tiIv | b2gisp | {
"description": "not wanting to talk to a friend who is causing themselves harm since it's too painful to watch",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to talk to a friend who is causing themselves harm since it's too painful to watch? | A close friend of mine, we'll call her Y, that I've known for many years (since we were in our mid-teens and we're both in our twenties now), she is polyamorous and has been seeing a guy for around a year now, let's call him A. A is married. His wife is fully aware of what's going on. For the record, A is in his mid thirties, I believe, and Y is 21. Now, Y is transgender. On hormones, has small breasts now, the whole shebang. As is the case with many trans people, she has some insecurities about her appearance. As her friend, I always do my best to subvert these insecurities if I'm able to do so, and I reassure her that she is in no way masculine. But the problem is, she relies completely and entirely on men for her validation. Attention from men is how she gets her self worth, and being told she's pretty is the only way she is confident. While I understand this to some degree, I also know that relying on any one group of people for your validation is massively unhealthy.
As some of you may be aware, there are people out there who fetishize transgender people and only want to date them. Now this guy, he seems to think of trans women as pokemon, he's gotta catch 'em all. He uses Twitter as a place to publicly pursue trans women. Now, I'm not polyamorous, and so I spoke to people who are or were in the past, so that I could give Y the best advice possible. I'm not sure if this is standard, but A stated on Twitter that someone he was seeing (he tagged the girl) was the best kisser he'd ever kissed. Y, who is not normally jealous, was uncharacteristically upset about this, to the point of obsessing over it. She also obsesses over him, and relies entirely on his validation for everything. She is depressed because of things he does. After a long discussion between the two of us, we decided it was best that she end things with him, as he is clearly detrimental to her mental and emotional wellbeing. Two days later, she got back with him, saying she "needed him". I told her that I couldn't watch her do that to herself and to tell me if she needed anything, and when she was no longer speaking to him.
Part of me feels really shitty for doing this to my friend. It's very painful for me to watch her hurt herself this way. It'd be different if he made her happy, but he doesn't. Am I a shit person? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tUViHtwTzUxCM2mZDseACTKv06VJsVwi | azaca4 | {
"description": "taking my Niece's Keychain",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 33
} | AITA for Taking My Niece's Keychain? | I've been staying with my older sister and her family. My car key (single) gets lost often. It just disappears. The young kids take it and leave it somewhere by accident. I don't have any keychains and I can't get one. My time outside of work is limited since I work long hours and bc I'm a busy person.
For info, my sis and her family moved into a house, I came with them. My niece and I both stayed in the same room but on different beds. Once she turned 13, her mom told her to go share a room with her aunt. She didn't wanna do this since the room we shared was her room first, she hates her aunt, blah blah.
Her mom made her move in even though she didn't want to, and she also left some stuff in my room bc she had no other space. She was mad towards me bc I had other places to stay but since my sis insisted that I stay. The only other place I could go to was in bad condition, so I thought she would understand my situation.
This keychain was included of the objects she left in my room. She got it as a gift. First, I took it from her since I needed it, what was a 13 year old going to do with a keychain? She found out and started raging. She took it back from me and hid it down in her other things. This was a couple months ago.
A few days ago, I cleaned out my room since it was really messy. While I was cleaning, I went through her things and threw things out that she didn't need. Deep in a pouch she had, I found her keychain. I took it. I needed it. I almost lost my key for good, but this keychain would ensure that I wouldn't lose my key, and my car.
She didn't need it. She left it in my room and did nothing.
Today, I was playing with her sis, and I dangled the keychain in front of her to play. Major mistake. My niece walked in. She saw the keychain and immediately went to grab it. I ran towards the door but she closed it immediately. Her mom, who was also in the room, said that she should let me have it. She said no and she started yelling at me, telling me to give it back. She took it out of my hands. She took the keychain off of my key and threw my key across the room. I told her that it was unfair as I always gave her things, (money, snacks, etc.) but she said that all didn't matter since she always declined them. I then said that at least I'd offered to give her stuff even when she didn't need it, but when I need something, she doesn't give it to me.
I left the room and her mom and her started arguing. Her mom was on my side, telling her that I needed it more than she did. My niece made petty remarks.
When my sis's husband got home, she told him everything that my niece did. My BOL started fuming and demanded that she apologized. She said that she wouldn't as she had nothing to apologize for. I told her that she had no manners. Her parents both agreed with me.
Now she won't talk to me and avoids her parents more than usual. She didn't even need or use the keychain. I needed it and I was going to use it. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 32,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 33
} | WRONG |
qBOV6c7QMoPgOQ1Lvjr409ptFIyj3m4V | ba4ivo | {
"description": "not asserting myself/alerting my bf when men are being creeps",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not asserting myself/alerting my BF when men are being creeps. | Last weekend my partner and I costumed up and attended renfest with some friends. A female friend and I stepped to the side to take some pictures at a photo op station in the ‘tavern’. A presumably drunk male came up and was hovering around me while I was trying to arrange my skirt and boots talking about how he was getting turned on looking at me. At some point he even put his hands on my thigh/boots. I was uncomfortable and exchanged looks with my friend but we just ignored him and go on with our picture taking.
I told my partner about this when we got back home and he was upset that I didn’t bring the creep to his attention as it was happening less than 8ft away from him. He stated that by not immediately speaking out or reacting with anger I’m only enabling these guys and they’ll keep doing it to other people. He feels like I need to assert myself more in those situations or at the very least call for him so he could confront the guy. I can get angry after the fact and I get upset with myself for not being angrier during the interaction but It just never occurred to me to bring my BF into the situation. It was like I existed in a bubble and all I saw was myself, my friend and I was desperately trying to ignore this guy out of existence.
When these situations happen I just freeze up, I’m uncomfortably passive and I wish I could react with fire but I don’t. Last time it happened I was separated from him in the grocery aisle and a man came up to me trying to start conversation, standing really close and touching my shirt. I froze and my eyes were scanning around looking for my partner while I maintained cordial conversation. The man buggered off once my partner returned (partner didn’t know what was going on, he literally walked up and the other guy disengaged, there was no confrontation).
My partner doesn’t really get mad AT me but he does express that I need to stand up for myself in those situations. I feel like it’s easier for him to say, he’s 6’5 with broad shoulders whereas I’m 5’1 and have a racial passive of ‘creep attraction’.
AITA for not standing up for myself and enabling these creeps into thinking their actions are okay?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
meQgF3yqIuMvEyU36rqtjMhOi06Df7gP | b7ujwf | {
"description": "correcting my friend's grammar",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for correcting my friend’s grammar? | I recently made a post about my recent arguments with my “best friend.” We has another argument today. This one started with an argument about playing Minecraft, then it switched to her saying I acted like I was perfect and that I was always right.
So, it started out with her accusing me of not wanting to be her friend because I was playing Minecraft without her. It was over text. At one point she typed “your” instead of “you’re.” I don’t always correct people, but the difference between “your” and “you’re” is my biggest grammar pet peeve. Anyways, I quickly slipped in “you’re*” into the argument, then continued proving my point. I never said anything about her being bad at grammar or calling her stupid. She then accused me of acting like I’m perfect and acting like I’m always right. (The fact that I’m coming on here to see if I was right or wrong proves that I’m not always sure if I’m right.) I’ve corrected the grammar of her and other people on multiple occasions, and I frequently correct myself. Correcting grammar is just a habit of mine that I can’t easily control. So, what do you think? Am I an ah for correcting her grammar? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
gMJCltQ2tWdSKlq4rxsh1HAdb5kAEC0b | axxk93 | {
"description": "wanting to break up with my gf because she doesn't know my friends and family",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for wanting to break up with my gf because she doesn't know my friends and family? | This is a long post and sadly basically a TL;DR version of what happened, so I apologize for that.
Me and my gf have been dating for three years now. We are both about to graduate and we live quite far from eachother but still fairly close (30min bus drive).
After 3 years of our relationship I know each of ger friends pretty good, both in and out of school, I am on first name basis with her mom, sister and aunt and even their dog likes me.
However, althought I invite her very often, she never goes out with my movie group (4 other couples + 1 other single guy) and doesn't even know my gaming pals from school which I talk with all the time there, even when she visits me in my class.
Last thing you should know is that I almost regulary go to her place every second week at Friday, stay with her whole Saturday and leave Sunday morning to go home.
Yesterday, we had a fight about me not coming over this week because I have too much work to do. When I asked her to come over if she wants to be with me that much she started yelling at me that she will just distract me from work and stuff and that she wanted me to hang out with her other friends more who will also be visiting and that they think I am rude to her for not coming.
Then I brought up my friends. I asked her about them, how they probably feel when I invite her multiple times for a screening and she never comes. She disregarded that with another guilt shot about how her mother was looking forward to seeing me to which I replied: "Oh yeah? And what about my dad? Do you even know his first name?"
She had nothing to say, instead she started yelling again that she doesn't even know my friends names because I never invite her anywhere and that I don't care about them anyway because I always choose her in front of them (I missed 5 movies for the past three years, we usually screen on my home week)
This left me stunned. And after a few hours of thinking I don't think I should go out with a girl who ignores my friend, but is it really something that big to end the relationship over? It's pretty rocky relationship but we always calm down very quickly after a fight and are more than fine again...
Thank you in advance for your opinions and any help! | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
PuUIZs5COG8IWtejl1QKPwxRgAGqh23N | asw3hj | {
"description": "sending faculty members a glitter bomb",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA If I sent faculty members a glitter bomb? | LTL, first post, yadda yadda yadda.
Apologies for typos, I'm so angry that my hands are actually shaking.
A note: The faculty members I'm talking about are not ones at my own school.
One of my best friends is disabled, and goes to a boarding school that is horribly inaccomadating. For clarification, she's not majorly physically impaired, but she's neurodivergent and needs special care for her mental health. They've screwed up her medication before, teachers have behaved...*indelicately*, and now they forgot to file the paperwork for her to take her standardized tests, for college, with the accommodations she *needs.* And now she has to take these tests *without* the accommodations even though *she is qualified for them,* and her school Is. Not. Apologizing. She's unable to transfer schools, even though her therapist thinks it would be healthier for her, so she's stuck there even though she hates it. She told me which faculty members had screwed up the paperwork, and I went to her school's website to find the address and names needed to send them glitter bombs. Glitter bombs are envelopes that can include notes, and they're filled with glitter so that when the recipient opens them the glitter gets everywhere and fucks up their day. Obviously I wouldn't add a note related to her in any way, because that would get her in trouble. I'm also not just going to address it to the school itself, because then some poor schmuck who has nothing to do with this might open it. I haven't sent this yet, and she doesn't know I'm thinking about it; If I did this, WIBTA? And if so, would there be another way to fuck with them (without implicating her) that would make me NTA, or at least *less* of TA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
e6bTnDiGNMlAhK4cZ8quoxbFhw1eLRLF | abxro8 | {
"description": "accepting a job then changing my availability",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA For accepting a job then changing my availability? | So I just started a job delivering pizzas for a pretty popular Pizza Chain last week. So far I really like it, and the tip money is better than I expected it.
When I interviewed, they asked about my availability and what type of hours I was looking for. I told the GM that I was looking for somewhere between 35-40 hours per week, since I rent an apartment with my boyfriend so I still need to be able to pay rent each month, and then a few other minor expenses on top of that. She said that those type of hours shouldn’t be hard to give me, for a number of reasons that don’t really matter for this post. She then asked about my availability, and I said I was pretty much completely open, as I don’t really do anything else besides work, take care of my cats and hang out with my bf, so I didn’t need to plan around much and was just trying to take whatever I could get.
Now that I’m on the schedule, I’m closing 5 days a week which means I go in around 3-4pm, and am there until 3:30am. Don’t get me wrong, the amount of hours I’m getting right out of the gate are great, but working until 3:30am just isn’t something I’m okay with doing as frequently as they seem to want me to. This usually means I am making deliveries in our area as late as 2:30-2:45am, and as a 115lb 5’2” girl I just feel outright unsafe doing it, as I’m usually the only one out and about at this hour (obviously).
My other issue is that this takes a huge toll on me emotionally, my bf works day shift mon-friday, and so with these schedules we now NEVER see each other, except for maybe 1 or 2 days a week, and it makes it really hard to plan and get things done together.
So my question is, would it make me an asshole to tell my GM that I’d like to change my availability so I wont be working past say, 10/11pm? I’d be open to closing maybe 1-2 times a month, but I feel like saying that after I just told them I had full availability is like a slap in the face. So, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
bbv4aOsFVf9tvk9rHJ2CRpKRq2OZsxUm | b60s0i | {
"description": "disagreeing with my bi gf about lgbt rights",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for disagreeing with my bi gf about LGBT rights? | Before you get your pitchforks and tiki torches, please hear me out. Yesterday there was a vote in our parliament about making gay marriages possible, I am all for it. I generally support gay community and think that such law wouldn't hurt anyone. My girlfriend of 9 months is bisexual and I'm one of like 3 people she felt safe coming out to.
We were sitting in café and watching the livestream from the chamber of deputies. There was a representative from a Christian party and was saying something in lines that it's gonna destroy traditional family and life as we know it and all that other bs. I told my girlfriend that I would have much more respect for him if he just said that he's against it because he's catholic and wasn't talking so much bs about it possibly destroying our whole country. My gf started arguing with me how could I have respect for anyone who is against other people's rights. Well, I told her that I don't agree with him but I still respect his opinion and since he is in the parliament he'll be able to have a say in it. She went on a tirade saying that they shouldn't be discussing it since they're not gay and don't know how it feels and that I am a hypocrite. She stopped talking to me hasn't messaged me since.
So, AITA for disagreeing with my girlfriend? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
fg5CslGnuQnOmHeYZDZKpeJzXN1FgrwP | 9z5a09 | {
"description": "telling my new boyfriend that I hate his music taste",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for telling my new boyfriend that I hate his music taste? | Throwaway for personal reasons.
My boyfriend [25M] and I [24F] have been together for a few months. It's been going well, but one thing I absolutely can't stand is his taste in music. He really likes bands that are loud and annoying as shit and every time we're in his car I offer to take the aux cable but he declines. He always has "another band to show me that I might like" which I think is unfair luckily in my car he is less controlling about what we can listen to so I get to use my phone. When he does this I go along with it or say the music is fine or good because it's his car and I don't want to hurt his feelings but it really gets me frustrated internally.
I can usually deal with it for the drives but recently he found out that my family and I are going on a trip and got me a gift which was nice. We haven't been a "gift" couple but I was pleasantly surprised that he thought to get one. When I opened it it was a bunch of his old CD's with songs highlighted with a note explaining why the songs were highlighted and to listen to them and *why* along with a portable cd player I guess for the flight?
I appreciate the note and it was a really nice note about how the songs made him think of me but I really just want to tell him that I'm not interested in the music he likes. This has gone too far and I think it's a red flag that he doesn't realize that this is bothering me.
Am I the asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
OHpsoBZcG5zwdYpGRYwEhzyPv409N8XR | b62ejj | {
"description": "wanting to ask my mom not to bring her bf to my place",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA? I want to ask my mom not to bring her bf to my place. | So, I recently moved into my own place from my mom's. She asked to come visit, and that's okay, but I'd like to ask her not to bring her boyfriend. He's a nice guy and all, but she acts like a totally different person when she's around him... meaner actually (to me). It's the 'I don't need you now that I have a bf mentality'. And I definitely don't want to stop her from living her life, but there's unnecessary negativity coming from this situation.
That's not really an energy I want to bring into my new home and I don't want to have to look at her being a totally different person in my place. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
iKhlNbD4OyV9Ym4DbwNF0mDIF9t93SUm | ahi9hw | {
"description": "throwing my step-moms work clothes in the garage",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for throwing my step-moms work clothes in the garage? | I'm a teenager and I would like to know how I should feel about what I did. Although, I've already decided I was a bit childish.
Story:
I live with my father, step-mom, younger step-brother, and five year old nephew. Over the years of my father and step-mom being together I have received allot of issues from my step-mom. (Ranging from her purposefully not telling me dinner was done to taking me on an emotional roller coaster and being terrified to go home) I have gotten use to small pettiness here and there, but I also feel like, as the child in this story, I should get some credit for being mature up to this point. I needed to wash my clothes, I wash my own because no one else will, and I put everything from the dryer onto a stack. I make sure that none of it is her work things and if I find something that needs to be folded I do that. I put my things in the dryer and head off to bed(around 8 or 9). When I wake up in the morning I see that my step-mom, the only other person that uses the washing machine, has put my clothes, that I was going to wear the next day to school, in the clothes basket I left in there. So in retaliation for all the years before this, i threw her two work shirts and a jacket into the garage that was covered in dog hair and sand. I didn't walk on them or anything like that, just dropped 'em outside. After discovering her clothes were not in the dryer, she immediately went to me and asked what I did to her clothes. I told her and she went off to my dad (who was now in the garage) about how immature i was. This was the first time I've ever done anything so disrespectful and nasty to any adult (as I understand I will grow as a person as I get older). I just need to know.. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
vscNsz9LGCn7Ec4hFzNyi5LZzN6Z7s9N | b9xn0u | {
"description": "banning a special needs adult from my Meetup group",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I ban a special needs adult from my Meetup group? | So yes, based on the title, it feels like I'm an asshole. But I want some outside opinions. I'm going to try to keep certain details vague so that it doesn't give away too much information.
​
I organize an LGBTQ+ social group on Meetup. Its been running for almost 5 years now, and it is my baby. It has been fantastic! The group is centred around a specific activity, and of course, everyone is welcome, not just LGBTQ+ members. So occasionally we get heterosexual people who come simply because they enjoy this specific activity and its great!
​
About two years ago, an older man with special needs (I believe Down's Syndrome) started attending. My mom was a special needs teacher when I was growing up, so I have always been good with people with special needs. He would come every 2-3 months and I would do this activity with him and sometimes get other people to join in. It was fine. Lately though, he has become a bit of a sore point.
​
He now comes every month. He commandeers the group and gets mad at others who don't want to do things exactly his way. He has been rude to many people in the group, and I've also noticed a big dip in attendance. We used to see 30-40 people every month, and lately we have only seen 10-15 people. It sucks. Honestly, he brings down the vibe and is ruining the group. I have spoken to him and told him that his behaviour and his words are rude and are making people uncomfortable. In return, he told me I wasn't a mind reader, so I don't know what people are thinking.
​
I want to be inclusive, thats the whole point of my group! But I'm starting to think he is driving people away, and my group is going to slowly become just him and a few people and I'll have to shut it down. I don't want to do this. So I have considered banning him from the group on Meetup so that he won't see the meet ups anymore. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hRmwO1ck9yKNYcfXndVyCSyk24Yleo4v | 9yu4yy | null | AITA or is my son overreacting for me taking a new woman on a cruise for thanksgiving? | I am a 66 year old widower recently retired. My son is 33 and lives 7 hours away.
Some backstory. Sorry if this seems disjointed My son was spoiled by his mother who gave him everything he ever wanted as she believed she was unable to have a child for well over a decade. He was her only son. I was largely absent due to work (construction) that frequently took me out of state. His education and first vehicles were paid for by us and we also gave him seed money for his small business that he has since repaid. My wife and I each had some extramarital affairs but worked through them mainly for him. We did not have the best relationship. The three of us moved to another state for my work and he decided to stay there when my job transferred me. He was about 16 and resides there but me and my wife moved back to our original state after the job was completed which was about 7 hours away from him.
He and his mother were extremely close. She has been deceased for almost 4 years. She became ill about 5 years ago and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was her primary care giver for 9 months of her treatment as I had to continue on with work. Close to her death he contacted my boss and told him I needed to come home which they agreed. I will not lie I had been putting it off. I wasn’t the most helpful when I was there and he had to direct me as to what to do — I was still in shock at the events that were unfolding and the appearance of my wife.
A pain clinic nurse had been helping my son take care of my wife on her free time for the last few months of her illness and we became extremely close. We ended up having sex shortly after my wife died and my son walked in on us. I know it was a mistake. He swears it was the day after she died but I believe it was after her funeral. He had never had any substance abuse issues that I know of but soon became addicted to morphine left from my wife’s passing. He OD’ed twice that I know of but since we live so far apart I was only present during the first one which occurred shortly after the above events. I found him laying outside in his underwear in the snow. He is supposedly clean now.
We have not really discussed the pain nurse events. Recently I told him that I was likely going to give his half sister age 49, my only other child, half of my belongings in the will and asked if he would be the financial administrator. She is an addict and he is great with money. Seeing that she has four children and no husband and he has zero in addition to a successful business I felt this was more than fair. He blew up and said that I was giving her 50% of mine and his mother’s assets because she left everything to me if I outlived her. His mother would have wanted him to have 100% of her assets. He said he was fine with this arrangement but that I didn’t need to act like he was inheriting anything from me. He did not know he had a half sister until he was around 24 and they do not get along.
Last week he called to let me know he would be bringing his boyfriend (he is a homosexual) to thanksgiving and I told him I was going on a cruise. He asked with who and I told him a woman. He said that’s fine and made up an excuse to get off the phone. I have tried to call him for the past week and he has not answered. Today he texted me and said that I do nothing but harm him emotionally, that I am toxic and to leave him alone. I have since been blocked on every avenue I have of reaching him.
I have worked my whole life to make him successful and he just throws me away | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
gWAT66CJkJDrCmatTIdNYiS1vX0Xz8Bm | a80kfk | {
"description": "not wanting to host everyone for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to host everyone for Christmas | So I'm Jewish, my wife is Catholic. Christmas isn't a holiday that means a whole lot to me but my wife and I have been hosting her immediate family (12 people total when you include SOs) for the past few years, and it's more or less been fine. I've never been into hosting people in general, but it's something my wife wants and, you know, go along to get along.
However, we have the same argument every year, and I need a ruling.
My wife and I's household income is significantly higher than anyone else in both her immediate and extended family, as well as the extended family of her siblings SOs. This isn't to say we are rich or anything, it's more to say that they are all low income earners\* and we are just barely upper-middle class.
Because of this, I am constantly being pressured for inviting various people that my in-laws know (including young children) that don't have a Christmas dinner to go to. I've caved a few times for various people and I always regret it. I love my in-laws but they aren't very "gracious". It's not like we are sitting around the tree enjoying each other's company. Everyone pretty much comes in, eats, lounges around on the couch, we open presents, and then they leave. No one brings a dish to contribute, no one says thank you, no one helps clean up. They aren't overtly rude or disrespectful but I always feel unappreciated, especially after spending hundreds of dollars on food, and days cleaning the house while chasing 2 toddlers around.
This is fine, they are my family, and I gotta live with them.
What I don't think I have to do is provide extended family and/or friends with a Christmas just because they can't afford their own, or don't want to put the effort in to make their own. I get that to a person making $25k a year someone with our income may as well be a millionaire but I don't think that makes me responsible for instituting an open door policy. Especially considering these people come over, they don't bring my kids a gift, they don't bring my wife flowers or a bottle of wine, and they don't ask me if there is anything they can do to help.
My wife's argument is that these people don't have the luxuries we have, and it's Christmas, and it isn't that big of a deal for us to buy a little bit more food, and a few extra toys for their kids, it's just one night. She's right, but I don't think I'm wrong either. I've done this for a few years, and have never been shown any appreciation, and that's important to me. My wife and I work hard and have two kids to take care of, we work all week, chase toddlers around all night, spend 2 days cooking and cleaning, just to have a bunch of people I barely know come into my home, sit at my table, and eat my food and I have never received and sign of gratitude for it. Sorry, I can't get over that.
​
Am I the asshole?
​
\*when I say "lower income", no one is eating cat food for dinner, they aren't sleeping in refrigerator boxes. They are just manual labor workers who can't produce the same kind of Christmas meal we can. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
g2MtZaQHUaw9AIeI3NJt1u1u6dC6oMhI | acn957 | {
"description": "being angry at how I was treated",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being angry at how I was treated? | First the backstory. Everyone involved with this story is over 20 years old. I work with a girl and her mother. Until today I had assumed we were friends. We usually talked in the mornings before work started. Today me and her was sitting in the break room talking and this nosy old harmless man was looking at us. I told her somebody was watching us and she said that she didn't care and that I was her friend. I sat with her and ate lunch and talked to her. This evening at second break I went to where she usually goes for break and waited on her. Apparently she had texted her mother and asked her to tell me that she had a boyfriend and that people were starting to ask if we were dating and could I stop spending so much time around her. She has never said anything to me about wanting time alone. If she had I would have accepted her request. While it's true that I had a slight crush on her I've never tried to be anything but friends with her because I know she's happy in her relationship and I respect that. I've never asked her out and I've never even tried to do anything romantic. All I wanted was a friend. What I take away from this is that she's embarrassed to be seen with me in public and only wants to know me when it's convenient for her. But she doesn't even have the courage to tell me this herself. I'm hurt and mad that she couldn't even tell me this herself. And she claims to be my friend. If your someones friend why should you care whether people wonder if your dating. Just tell them we're just friends and let it go. Am I justified in my feelings? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PXL7yVqKhCewEG07TEtgkV107YQRZaei | av7ak2 | {
"description": "telling my friend about my depression",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friend about my depression? | I have (had?) this friend. She's a little older than I am so I always kind of looked up to her. She was like the cool older sister I never had. I finally decided to open up about my depression to her and did not get the response I thought I would. She seemed really angry, like she was yelling at me and belittling my problems. She said I was rude af for even coming to her when she has real problems. I know she has her own issues that's why I thought she would understand but instead she called me a bunch of names and told me to fuck off. I left in tears. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ViJP1KC4woZ4EmqbJhLpPPyVjxTaUChq | a8hy9t | {
"description": "being rude and ignoring my autistic possibly trans stalker",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being rude and ignoring my autistic possibly trans stalker. | Ok so just so you know this all happened in middle school and I have felt remorse. I heard from her friends how it impacted her and I feel so bad.
I’m now in high school but from November in 7th grade to May in eight I knew this girl. Let’s call her “tia”. So tia was very obviously autistic. She was sweet but very nice but I’m pretty sure she’s trans as well. And no I’m not transfobic and if you are I don’t wanna hear about it. I’ll call her “she” because I have no confirmation if this is true, and she asked to be called she.
At first she talked to me non-stop during my 1st period in 7th grade. I was fine with it, she was nice and I didn’t mind being around her. I moved out of my first period and moved to English 2nd period around January. They she started to meet me before each period. I never told her my periods or other classes it she figured it out. A bit odd but okay. I talked to her for a minute. Then she found me during lunch. I was actually just getting more popular, after years of being a fat nerd I was really exited to be friends with kids who were actually popular. She followed me there, and embarrassed me. Talked about anime, talked about bad video games. Talked about going to church with her family, then talking about how there were only 3 genders. (She said she was the only person who were the 3rd) it got really stressful. She gave me chocolate on Valentine’s Day takes about undertale for a long time.
I started to avoid her a bit and kind of resent her. Luckily I only stayed friends with the nice kids who I used to hand out with. I only talked to her at the beginning of the first class. She was still pretty chill when we were alone. Started talking about how the type of guys she finds cute were [literally describing me] I was flattered but she wasn’t my type and it was a bit awkward.
Begin eight grade. It was about a month before she found me again, I was fine with it. She was more chill actually. Then she began to follow me around everywhere. She found me at lunch even when I hid, she shewed away all but one of my remaining “friends”. I was fed up but she was a possibly trans autistic Chinese girl who was tall as shit living in an oddly racist community. I started to get fed up. Telling her I needed to be left alone, she left and came back 5 minutes later. After 2-3 months of being stressed I would see her around my corner and have to talk again I got fed up. I was eating in a grimy corner right next to the construction site alone. I decided to stop noticing her.
It was so empowering, I felt like I owned the world. I spent time with my remaining friend, I slowly gained more. She started to cry around me however. Thinking I hated her. Now her friends started telling me to talk to her and calling me mean. She had been telling them we were dating. I was confused because I thought they would all understand. After she kept following me around for another month I got the school involved. I got a makeshift restraining order, she still came to talk to me. She even once bathed into the boys bathroom said “hi I’m sorry you hate me” and left. Around May after I was having a really chill time with friends having fun and being happy during lunch. She her friend walked up to me and gave me a note from her. It said “from anonymous admirer. (Not tia)”
Looking back I should have looked at it longer. But I still have the note and I can tell you it was her writing. Comparing it to the old projects we worked together on in 7th grade. (Yes I’m a little bit of a hoarder I know) .But I started pacing and hyperventilating I had to go to fucking therapy for that shit. My friend calmed me down. I had rehearsed this for months. I walked up to her, and she was looking at me. Handed her gift back and said. “I’m flatted tia, but leave me alone. Please leave me the fuck alone”.
She was in a very religious family, so that stunned her. I had never swore around her. she started sobbing and had to take 3 days out of school after that. I felt amazing yet other hated me. I had threats of “making you feel the same” I was told the scum of the earth. And I started to get bullied, which wasn’t fun. Finally I got another note 3 weeks later. From anonymous. But it was obviously tia. I told the office and they said they could do nothing about it, as long as it said anonymous. Skip to now, I have a crush on one of her old friends, no grudge against her, and I am horribly guilty. I will answer any questions you ask btw | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hIbnBqiqDwHK3f8ivvPpgxjVyK771kCX | aufmmo | {
"description": "screaming at my little brother in the middle of a restaurant because I didn't appreciate he and his friends chanting \"this is MAGA country!\"",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 33
} | AITA for screaming at my little brother in the middle of a restaurant because I didn’t appreciate he and his friends chanting “this is MAGA country!” | I’m not even sure where to begin here.
Today at lunch I was out with a friend. It just so happened that my little brother was at the same restaurant (I’m 26, he’s 17 for reference) with a group of his friends. My brother is not a Trump supporter persay but he loves being a jerk to people and where we live outside Portland, the number one way to get under people’s skin is to talk about Trump.
My brother thinks that Jussie Smollet allegedly staging the attack on himself is one of the funniest things to happen in a long time. I will save my feelings but I don’t think it’s funny no matter what happened. My brothers latest thing is saying “This is MAGA country” instead of saying hello, goodbye or thank you. So at the restaurant he was seated sort of fatty corner to us and every time the server would approach his table and leave he’d say “this is MAGA country.”
I heard him say it maybe 5 times and then I lost it. I got up and told him that he had to shut the fuck up or I was going to kick his ass. I sat down and he screamed at me “hey sis, this is MAGA country!” I got up and screamed in his face that I never wanted to hear those words come out of his mouth ever again and I warned him. He said it again and i just left paid my bill she left because I couldn’t take it anymore.
I’m so furious that he would do this to me but my parents are mad at me saying that me “attacking” him in a public space on encouraged him and is counter to how they are dealing with him which is to ignore him until he grows out of it. In light of what they said, am i the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 22,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 33
} | WRONG |
9GGJ9qXZH4WJGvzDoYulSmaRlFKM4a1v | 9u92gz | {
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend for talking about her ex boyfriend's huge penis",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for talking about her ex boyfriend's huge penis? | Some back story: Me (27M) and my girlfriend (24F) have been exclusive for only about 4 months now. She's an exchange student, and she spent her first year on campus living in the house of a woman in her 40s that hosts many exchange students. My girlfriend became close to her host, so she frequently visits her house to hang out. She dated a guy for 6 months who also lived there and still does, so he's frequently there. As a side note, I'm totally ok with this. I've never had an issue with it at all because I know she's very close to her host and like that she keeps in touch.
Anyways, the other day she wanted me to meet her host, so I go there with her. There were several of the exchange students hanging out in the other room. She mentioned one of them is her ex but didn't point him out. That's fine, I think nothing of it.
After we leave and are back at her new place, she asks "did you see my ex boyfriend?" I say that I'm not sure because there were several people there. She said, "he's the really skinny one with long curly hair." I responded, "oh yeah, I did notice him and yes he was very skinny." For some context, him being abnormally skinny is something she's talked about before which is why I responded that way. I was agreeing with her description of him.
After I make that observation, she responds, "yea but his penis was so huge!" She said this in a very enthusiastic way as if to exclaim how great it is. Then she walks over towards me to give me a kiss, and I stop her and say, "wait, what did you just say?... Are you serious?" She goes again in a sort of giddy tone, "yea it was so big."
At that point I just calmly said, "you know, that really hurts my feelings and makes me feel like I must not be as good for you in that regard or something." She gets kind of upset that I seemed offended and asks why that would offend me. For what it's worth, that's never been a concern of mine or something I'm self-conscious about, but I now feel like I'm being compared so it stung a little.
I tell her it was unnecessary and rude, and she tries consoling me by telling me she didn't like anything else about him. My response is "ok so his big penis was important enough to you that you dated him without liking anything else about him." That upset her.
I left and haven't answered her texts because I think I just need time to process my feelings towards her going forward. She seems apologetic, but I can't help but keep thinking that was immature and disrespectful thing. Was she trying to make me jealous? I don't want to play games like that. I feel bad for ignoring her apologies, but I feel weird about her now.
AITA for ignoring my girlfriend for a few days for telling me about her ex boyfriend's huge penis? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rYkI42KsRdjopQ5FMjU9SXqT04a4uEVG | a3j73m | {
"description": "changing my mind on purchasing a project car",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for changing my mind on purchasing a project car? | A good friend and I recently went to a drifting event to see what it was all about... and we got hooked; we wanted to get a project car to drift.
Unfortunately, the issue is we are both still college students, meaning that we are POOR (and unemployed). But, recently my friend got a large sum of cash as a gift and I have been saving up via previous summer jobs.
So, a few weeks ago, we found a 1996 Mazda Miata for sale. Only $1000 bucks. We agreed to split the cost, 50/50. However, as we did more research we discovered that the car we were about to buy didnt run (electrical/ECU issue) and that some of the parts were missing, making it needed to be towed.
Obviously we dont have a tow or a truck to get the car. We also dont know anyone with a tow or truck (meaning that we would have to rent them out). At that point I decided that it would not be worth spending all that money, and that it would be better to wait. When I told my friend, he got very upset. Granted, we have been talking about purchasing this car for about a few weeks. We got into a pretty heated argument. It got to a point where he began to criticize my as a person, stating how I "dont take risks in life" and that because of that I "wont go far". I told him the reasoning of financial issues the car would bring, and that it isnt worth it, but he immediately shut me down every time I said that. It got me pretty upset, so I mentioned how his parents would always give him extra cash whenever he wanted/needed it (Because he is from a well-off family). It got him even more upset.
So, I left his place, telling him that if he wanted to buy it, he could, with his own money, and that I wont get involved in it.
AITA? We havent talked since and Im beginning to feel pretty terrible.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uWlNOeD8DzhyouXvmTYHWknLv500NQF4 | acyw6c | {
"description": "getting upset at my mom for her blunt reaction on dementia",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting upset at my mom for her blunt reaction on dementia? | Hi there! An hour ago my mom and I had a slight argument. All is well now, but I still feel like shit for making her cry, even though I still don't fully understand why she was mad at me. So Reddit, am I the asshole here?
Today I went for dinner at my dad's (my parents are divorced and have a very bad relationship right now, as in lawyer stuff etc.). The parents of my step-mom were there too. The mom has a very fast progressing form of dementia, which is pretty fucking brutal to see. The dad was telling about some issues he's having and is getting very emotional (she doesn't understand much anymore and can barely dress a table). He has to get surgery soon so everything was even more difficult, you know .. the emotional stuff.
Now, I've had a lot of issues with empathy before because I sometimes don't understand situations thanks to autism. But this time I really felt a bit sad for them.
I came home to my mom and I told her about them and their issues with the dementia. Then I get this reaction, "That is not my problem". She says this twice in a snappy voice while twisting her head in an annoyed way.
She's normally a very empathetic person so I was really taken aback by this. I got upset and went upstairs to get something. When I came back she was upset with me for getting upset with her. She said, "How is that my problem? I don't know these people. They're the parents of my ex-husbands wife!" She repeated this quite a bit, and "does you dad care about stuff that happens here?" and "if I take on every problem, that would make me crazy.".
I felt really bad for making her cry, but I never expected her to /really/ care. Just an acknowledgement would've been fine. I say a lot of stuff during the day. I just felt that she was mad at me for telling her stuff, which I do all the time. These people are just very friendly and I didn't immediately connect them with my dad ...
Eventually we did agree on the fact that dementia in general just really fucking sucks.
But I still don't know how to feel but I also feel really guilty. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HQcQ6znkfPbY2rW39TPbC4pkKz72BkA0 | alwwy5 | {
"description": "telling a trans girl she will always biologically be male",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for telling a trans girl she will always biologically be male? | About two years ago, one of my close friends, Emma, came out as trans. I've been absolutely nothing but supportive by calling her by her chosen name and her new pronouns. I've never had an issue with her being transgender, she's still the same person to me.
​
We both love debating so we are part of the debating team at our school. To begin the year, everyone writes a topic on a sheet of paper, then one gets chosen randomly as practice. Emma's prompt about the biological and psychological basis of transgender people was chosen, however, we were put on opposite sides (again, random assignment by our teacher), with her arguing affirmative, and me arguing negative. Needless to say, I was a little nervous about what Emma would think as she tends to get really offended, but I figured that she knew how supportive I was of her, so it shouldn't be an issue.
​
Emma glared at me for the entirety of the debate, and became pissed off when my team won. She didn't look at me for the rest of the meeting, and confronted me at lunch time with a group of her other LGBTQ+ friends, all equally looking pissed off. I asked her if everything was okay, to which she accused me of being a transphobic bigot and if I really believed everything I had said in my debate.
​
I didn't want to lie (though I probably could have to avoid hurting her feelings, but that isn't right either) so I said that I supported most of the biological evidence (mainly that though trans people identify as another gender now, they were born and will die their biological gender due to her existing chromosomes) but rejected the psychological evidence (these research articles I had were very dated so I didn't support them), meaning that though Emma is biologically male, that doesn't matter, in my opinion, because of how she identifies.
​
Emma took extreme offense to this, and started to cry, assuming that I meant that I didn't see her as a female. I explained it wasn't true, she was a woman in every other way, and I've always called her by her name and preferred pronouns other the past two years, so obviously it didn't matter. She didn't want to hear any of it and left after yelling at me some more, with her LGBTQ+ friends threatening to tell the school and forcing me to go to a class to "reeducate" myself.
​
On one hand, I feel like I owe her an apology for how things went between us, but on the other hand, I don't want to apologize for something I said in a debate that I do believe, even after I've supported her for so long, especially since they insulted me. I just want to know if I'm the asshole in this situation, or if everyone was being shitty. AITA?
​
TL;DR - In a debate for our school team, I said that I supported the notion that trans people are born and will die as their biological sex due to their chromosomes, but it doesn't matter because they identify as their chosen gender in every other way. My trans friend, Emma, proceeded to become upset and insult me with her other LGBTQ+ friends. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
mavECMFBibmLQaDWImi2TA7lQiKzwVq6 | b7l4cq | {
"description": "leaving my girlfriend at a party alone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving my girlfriend at a party alone ? | So last night I was with my girlfriend at a Spanish night full of people from Latin America and I was one of the 2 people who aren’t Latin American or Spanish speaking. During that event I was left alone most of the time, my girlfriend was talking with all of her Latino friends and when I was with her everyone was talking Spanish ( which I don’t mind, just didn’t like being left alone where I don’t know anyone). Also some of her friends objected her to bring me, especially this one guy who tried to do everything to make me feel unwelcome the very few times she would be sitting with me he would barge in and start talking Spanish and take her aside leaving me alone. Am I the asshole for leaving the party and telling her that I don’t want to be around that guy who objected me being there ( he seems to have an issue with me )? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
yxKzIClFVdkZb1zKnE6ZvoUlbOzfzub4 | b1iea4 | {
"description": "not telling my girlfriend of 8 years that something happened in my past",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my girlfriend of 8 years that something happened in my past. | I've never actually talked to anyone about this having happened to me, and I never want to be associated with it so... Throwaway account.
​
When I was young, about 6 or 7, I lived in a small village. There was another boy in this village who was about 15 or 16 and he was my "friend". Alot of us playing together involved nothing more than playing football, or playing on a games consol. However one day, we were on a games consol in my room and he decided that we should "practice" kissing. I really didn't like it or want it to happen, but it happened. I asked for it to stop and not to do it, and it eventually did, but not immediately. It's a part of my history that I can't even bare to look back on and am ashamed of.
​
Fast forward to now, I'm 22, I'm in a very happy relationship with a woman I've been with for 8 years and... I've never told her that this happened to me. I don't know how I'd explain it. I'm not sure if it was enough to be considered abuse and I don't want her to think that was my first kiss when it's something I can't even bare to think about myself...
​
AITA for hiding this from her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Dg4x6xvQvTis1lJZxTfyBuE7V5J1t44k | b255ln | {
"description": "avoiding a (Difficult) Lifelong Friend moving to my city",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Avoiding a (Difficult) Lifelong Friend Moving to My City? | My friend and I have known each other since 7th grade. We’ve been through a lot together and have generally been pretty supportive of one another through some difficult times. She has been through a series of short-lived jobs and experimented with some different careers. Though I feel we do our best to support one another, she can be quite difficult (e.g., bailing multiple times on appointments with one of my colleagues who took time to meet with her to help her launch a website; berating me for telling her that I’m proud of her for making healthy life changes after she was hospitalized for a mental health issue). I realize some of these behavioral issues are out of her control but being around her brings up challenges to my own mental health. I don’t have interactions like this with anyone else in my life where it feels as though I’m constantly walking on eggshells and my family and our mutual friends have remarked several times that she is a toxic presence in my life. Lately, she only wants to catch up when she has something to share and will say she’s too busy to chat with me anytime I initiate a phone call. It all fees very one-sided and yes, a little toxic, but because of our shared history, I can’t bring myself to end this friendship. When kept at an arm’s length and living a state apart, this is a non-issue.
 
I was recently laid off from my job and am in the middle of some other major life stuff including being in grad school full time. I received a call from her excitedly telling me that she has taken a job that will relocate her to my city. She asked me to meet up on her next trip to the area and to ask my partner if they have anyone in mind with whom she can be a roommate. I just don’t have the mental or emotional space to deal with her right now so I declined her invite and don’t plan on investing my energy to weave her into my partner and my social lives after how poorly she treated my colleague. I plan to see her occasionally when she moves but she won’t be a part of our daily lives.
 
When I declined her invite, I truthfully explained that this is a very difficult time for me and that I can’t commit to any social visits until I get these issues straightened out. I never lied to her. I will be be supportive from an arm’s length and visit with her when it’s convenient for me but I am focusing on my own mental health and well-being. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FdnZo0WJqwxoNS7mUB4jqZxUKXpXSmoq | arwqqd | null | AITA after my friend flew home early from our vacation? | *NB: This happened in 2016 but its always in the back of my mind, but when I found out about this subreddit I thought I’d post to get some non-biased feedback. Sorry for long post and any grammatical errors!!*
\---
A little background: myself (F27) and friend (F35) have been work colleagues and super close for almost 5 years. We really hit it off, and often went out and did stuff together. We’re both strong personalities, but I am happy to sit back and let her control or dominate activities or conversations as it gives me a break. She has previously worked in security and over the time we knew each other, I always thought of her as a strong and capable woman.
I love to travel, and my friend (whom I’ll refer to as ‘**G**’) hadn’t been out the country for a while, so we decided to go to New York, for the Comic Con. I booked the flights/airbnb for us, she got the NYCC passes and I left tourist stuff to her. We were both very excited, and we’re planning a lot before we went. I made it clear the main reason I was going was for the convention, but I was up for other stuff too. Obviously we might not always want to do the same thing, but we agreed that should that happen we were both happy to do our own things for an hour or so and meet back up. As she’d never been before, she was very invested in the tourist aspect; me not so much. But, I said i was happy to do anything she fancied, except the 9/11 memorial. (personal opinion, just because I feel like a rubbernecker as I didn’t know anyone involved)
About 1-2 weeks before we were due to fly out, G’s cat died and she was understandably devastated. Prior to that, her husband and her had been having marital issues, and she had had a couple of one night stands with different people, so I think things were a little tense at home. However, we still left as planned. Her husband dropped us off at the airport, and looking back, I should’ve realised maybe I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did.
After we checked in G called her husband to let him know we checked in. Once we were through security and waiting for the gate to open she called again. When we landed in Boston for our connection she called him again. When we landed in JFK she called him again, and once more before we got an Uber to the apartment. While the airbnb hosts were explaining stuff to us, she was getting impatient because she needed to call him again and it was already very late in the UK. I did make a light joke about how much she was calling him, but her explanation was that they had never been away from each other for so long, esp not in different countries. That’s fair. (*Please take note if this for later though*)
Over the next week-ish, we attended the convention and did some tourist things; booked a bus tour, and went up the ESB, and planned to do Rockefeller and Brighton Beach before we went home.
G continued to message her husband frequently, which is fine; like I said her cat had just died, and she was probably missing him. During the week though, I admit I was starting to get a little annoyed with my friend. We are both overweight, though her much more so, and she was insisting on getting the bus/taxis everywhere. I don't mind walking, and figured it might be good for us. In the evening I wanted to plan stuff for the next day, but she had to have a video on in the background constantly (as she didn’t like the quiet) but I much preferred the quiet so we could communicate. I also checked my emails, called my parents etc. I had assumed after spending all day together, we would have an hour or 2 downtime catching up on our own stuff before sorting dinner out.
​
The main issue came on the Friday. G’s husband sent her a photo of an urn with her cats ashes in. On the Saturday morning she said she had a headache and didn’t feel well. I asked if she minded if I went on to the convention (as there were a few panels I wanted to see) and she could come later. Like I said, she’s a capable woman so I had no qualms about her getting the subway on her own.
I hadn’t heard from her by 1pm so messaged her and she said she was okay but still not great. I was getting worried now, I didn’t know what was up. I messaged my mum and some friends explaining all I could, and the consensus was ask if she wanted to go home early as maybe it was a bit emotional and she missed her husband and cat too much. I was nervous about suggesting this though because I was sure she’d take it as i \*wanted\* her to go home. But I didn’t have any other options.
I got back around 6pm, and was messaging her as i walked to the apartment. (Chat below)
[https://imgur.com/a/91kzrms](https://imgur.com/a/91kzrms)
​
I got in after that and she was lying on her bed. I went in and stood there like?? Well?? She didn’t really respond, and I didn’t want to have to have this conversation, but if I didn’t say something neither of us would and I didn’t know what would happen. I’m not very good at confrontation, though I’ve got better, and I’m one of those people who start to well up & get teary. I asked her what the issue was, because I honestly didn’t understand. I went with her on the tourist things she wanted to do, I apologised that I couldn't feign excitement at going up the ESB if that was the problem. She said I was ignoring her all the time, but I was constantly asking her if she was okay doing x, y, or z, and if not we can do something else, or meet up after; after all she’d said she was fine doing stuff on her own now and then. She also denied I said I didn’t want to do the 9/11 memorial, and indicated this was the thing that sent her over the edge.
She said I should’ve known she wasn’t comfortable doing that in a foreign country, and that I’d probably rather she just wasn’t here. I offered that maybe she was just upset and missing her cat and husband (and that her husband sending her pics of the cats urn during her holiday wasn’t the smartest thing do to, like why not wait until she gets back but I didn’t voice that opinion). However, she then informed me that *she didn’t miss her husband at all; they’d spent longer than this apart before so that wasn’t an issue*. Hm. Had I not been so emotional about the fact one of my best friends thought I didn’t want to spend time with her, I might’ve brought it up. It only occurred to me after.
But I tried to remain as calm as possible. I brought up going home early; I felt deep down it was the fact she was missing her hubby and cat and was understandably very emotional. Her response was as expected- ‘See, you don’t want me here.’ I told her I did but if she wasn’t enjoying it she should think about heading home if that would help. She kept trying to argue, and I think she wanted us to have a fight- that way it was my fault; we had a big bust up and she had to go home early. But I didn’t want that, so like I said I remained as calm as I could and in the end she’d decided to go fly home early. She had to pay £150 for the change, and I offered my credit card for it as she didn’t have enough in her account. She called her husband and sorted it. We ordered a take away, and I honestly thought everything was okay. I told her I’d be leaving early as there was a popular panel I wanted to get in line for, but for her to message me when she left.
She messaged when she was waiting for her flight, and I asked her to let me know when she got home safe. She didn’t. I got a message the next day after tagging into a restaurant in NYC from a mutual friend confused as G had already got home. Very awkward to explain.
​
When I eventually got home, I met up with some other mutual friends. They made a passing comment about how I had upset G in NYC. Turns out she had gone back to our workplace and told people that we’d had a massive argument because I didn’t want here there and pushed her away. I found out only a couple of weeks ago she’d told someone else that I was uninterested in doing anything, and kept finding fault with every activity.
I’ve gone over my behavior again and again and I don’t know what I did wrong. The only thing I think I did was in the evening, maybe I was a bit distant as I considered it a down-time as I said, so for a few hours I would do my own thing.I know I can be antisocial at times, but I was comfortable enough with G that I felt I could act like myself, which admittedly is a bit grumpy, but after so long as friends I thought she knew and accepted what I was like. She was very opinionated, stubborn and we clashed about a few ideas, but I know we all have flaws and she accepted mine so I did too.
I personally think she was still very upset about her cat and missing her husband. After seeing the photo of his urn, I think she spent the best part of the day talking to her husband who may have been encouraging her to either just come home, or find fault in something to make coming home easier. I just wish she’d admitted this instead of trying to blame me for it. We were really, really close friends for the best part of 5 years and it upset me no end that she was willing to throw all that away so she didn’t have to admit she missed her partner. I get people have appearances to uphold, especially if you’re perceived to be a ‘strong, independent woman etc’ and maybe she saw it as a weakness or waste if she bailed from a holiday in New York. I’m not sure.
\--------
Anyway, that’s my story as unbiased as I can make it. She messaged me a few times after, into 2017 but honestly I was just very hurt that she would lie to workfriends and disregard all the years of friendship. I really hope I’m not the asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hpC542o5ieECbb1zPRSszR5tXFeh8S8X | a2kb38 | {
"description": "trying to get my friend to replace property of mine that he broke",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for trying to get my friend to replace property of mine that he broke? | My friend was over at my house today, and had to piss really bad he speed walked out of my living room toward the bathroom, and in turn bumped into my TV stand and knocking my $400 PS4 pro off. It crashed to the floor, and it is fucked. Will not turn on at all, and I can literally hear the parts inside it rattle. I was visibly upset, and he decided to leave. I texted him and asked "So are you going to at least HELP me replace this?" He said no, and basically called me a jerkoff. I can afford to replace it myself, I just believe in "you break it, you buy it". Many of my friends and family have broken property of mine over the years and none of them ever took responsibility, so I guess I was hoping for a change in that pattern.
So, am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AP6LUBnpfTjt9NQgugFt2o9LFlXPuWJF | b0sztz | {
"description": "kicking out my drunken friend who was newly-released from prison",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for kicking out my drunken friend who was newly-released from prison? | Background. This friend did 6 months for assaulting his girlfriend. We're not particularly close, but we grew up together so I feel some obligation.
I visited him almost every week while he did time, and said he could stay at my place when he got out until he figured out housing through his parole. I also warned that it wasn't my obligation to do this, and it'd be over when I saw fit.
About 3 days in he was out somewhere and broke curfew. I texted him, said he'd be back soon. About an hour later he showed up to my place blind drunk. I told him to grab his things and leave. He was too drunk to even get his shit together to do that.
I locked him out of my house but he wouldn't leave. Just yelled and pounded on the door.
Finally I called the cops to come pick him up, even though I knew this could violate his probation.
I haven't heard from him and I'm not sure what ended up happening.
Is this tough love, or AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rMHFgZXaVCzy8A26yYkDshmNgMGqPln5 | ad67f8 | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend one week after a vacation",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend one week after a vacation? | Just to get things straight my girlfriend (24) and I (25) have been together for 4 years and have lived together for about 2 years already. Relationship has mostly been great up till this year when things started to take a dip. The sex life diminished, not much romance between the two of us and we were kind of in cruise control. Of course when its like that things start to pile up and we get more frustrated at each other easily causing us to bicker more and be easily annoyed at the other. It's not all bad but more negative than positive.
So to the problem... We went on vacation for about 2 months together exploring Europe, trying to bring back some excitement and spend time together but that failed and I just got more annoyed at her easily and even if we were spending time together 24/7 the romance and sex never came back. I did talk to her about this once in passing and once as a serious conversation before Europe, while also bringing it up during the trip. She always seems to have some reason wether it be mental, family or what not and I tried understanding that for as long as we've together. She also said some of it was me so I tried to change during the trip as well. But enough is enough. As the cruise control went on we had a discussion on NYE again and we went into 2019 annoyed at each other but neither of us wanted to ruin it so we kept face.
At that point I thought if this is what the start of the new year is like we don't have much of a chance, and thought it be best to break up. Even though its super close to a 2 month trip which so many good memories were made, AITA for breaking up with her? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UE3YsJJdZvZjB5TpimCQaloPXi3imOU3 | atxb55 | {
"description": "wanting to go to a music festival without my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to go to a music festival without my girlfriend? | OK this isn't actually me, it's my friend. We're all in our late 20s.
A bunch of us are going to a music festival in the sunmer. It's fairly expensive (£250ish). My friend has the money to go, his girlfriend doesn't. Both of them were part of our friend group for years before they got together a couple of years ago. They are both equally a part of our circle of fiends.
She is insisting he can't go because she doesn't have the money to go with him. Apparently "it's not fair".
I should mention he's never been to a festival before and the line up this year is absolutely brilliant. He is **dying** to go.
If she *really* wanted to come then she could borrow the money from her mum that has more than enough to lend her.
Another thing to note is for months he paid for everything while she was between jobs. This is the first thing he's asked to do alone.
I think she's being unreasonable. Am I being an asshole for thinking this? Am I in the wrong? Yeah it really sucks that she can't come, but why should her boyfriend suffer? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
mT3x9EcEz9HkItccHbSTK5rvgZjGF3da | aa6u98 | {
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my autistic cousin",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for not wanting to hang out with my autistic cousin? | I'm 16, every year for Christmas my cousins from out of town come stay at our house for the week. There's about 5 of us and we usually drive around town and hang out on one of the days. My oldest cousin (21) is the one who drives us so ultimately he gets final say on who gets to come.
My youngest cousin (13, only child), we'll call him Tristan, has medium/low-functioning autism. He can sometimes act properly but he's more of a nuisance than anything else. He constantly makes disruptive, loud noises and harasses strangers. Usually he doesn't hang with us and stays home with the rest of the family, but this year his mom/my aunt asks him if he wants to go and says yes. Then one of my other cousins (17) says "We're going to an escape room and then going bowling, so the music and sounds may be too loud for him.". My aunt then says that we can spend a few hours with him, drop him off back at the house, and then go out without him. My oldest cousin says he's sorry and that he can't change our plans to accommodate him. Then my aunt goes on this whole rant about how Tristan is just like us and that he just wants to hang out with his cousins for once. But what's funny is that Tristan doesn't really seem to care at all but whenever his mom asks him he unenthusiastically says yes. She says that he's being sincere but I don't buy it. Then I asked if she was more angry about it than he was. She then gets really angry with me and tells me that he can't express emotions that well and that he does want to hang out with us and that we're all entitled. She storms out of the room.
Then we try getting out of the house and Tristan follows us. So now I'm second-guessing myself and I guess he actually wants to go with us. But then one of my cousins tricks him into going back into the house by saying that there's a game for him inside (which is kinda shitty imo). So he goes inside and we drive off.
AITA/AWTA?
TL;DR: Autistic cousin "wants" to hang out with us, we say no, his mom says we need to take him, we decide not to because it seems that she's more upset with it then we are. Turns out he does want to go and my other cousin sends him on a wild goose chase to leave us alone.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 23
} | WRONG |
IsBZqXKbaB431T9vPL568B6T9vc55W3s | ah462f | {
"description": "being upset that my boyfriend posts memes with jokes about being single",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being upset that my boyfriend posts memes with jokes about being single? | On mobile, sorry about format.
This has happened twice now, the first meme said “I’m single I can do whatever the fuck I want” and the second said something along the lines of I’m not getting into a relationship until I’ve got my shit together but we can still fuck. We do have an open relationship, so the second part of the second meme wasn’t problematic. However he seems to think that it’s totally fine to post this shit because he’s “only sharing it because it’s funny” today when I said something about the second meme he said that if I was going to take Facebook posts so seriously maybe we should both deactivate, so I was like bet. And promptly deactivated. He got upset because he didn’t think I’d do it. Am I overreacting? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
E27CprkxErrL3XS0vEUjOmUg8Xsfk3aU | azcfsn | {
"description": "not listening to my family",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not listening to my family? | So, today is my birthday (17, yay). I have spent most of the day at home, celebrating with my friends and family. We had a nice steak dinner, and afterwards, I came downstairs to play video games on my computer with my friends. We agreed that we would have my cake later, and sing and celebrate and whatever.
So I was playing League of legends with my friends, which has games that usually go for 30 to 45 minutes. About 20 minutes into the game, my parents said it's time to eat cake. Cool. I told them I would be up when I finish my game, since I dont want to leave and piss off my friends. About 10 minutes later, my family pulled out the internet, when my game was starting to finish. I got pissed off and yelled at my family, who started calling me an asshole for not coming when I was told to. I was too pissed off, and didnt want to hear them yelling at me, so I left, and just sat around.
Now, they all went to bed, but I found out they ate half of my cake and celebrated my birthday without me. My family all thinks I am an asshole, but my friends think they are. So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
B3vOiuUcJFRadQydwJakq79TVNv1pwAy | b83nsh | {
"description": "asking my boyfriend to stop his \"no 'poo\" hair care temporarily",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I asked my boyfriend to stop his "no 'poo" hair care temporarily? | Repost because I didn't spell WIBTA properly in the original title.
​
Since before my boyfriend and I met 3 years ago, he' been using the "no 'poo" technique of hair care. For those unfamiliar, this is when you only utilized shampoo/conditioner every few months. You still wet and hand scrub in the shower every few days. The idea is that you're allowing the scalp to self-regulate and find a balance with the amount of natural oils present on the head. His hair isn't gross, per-say. It just looks, feels, and smells a little greasy. It's not the sleazy-looking type of greasy; it just looks like he uses a lot of gel. He got the idea from a mutual friend who doesn't wash her hair often because she is constantly traveling. Her hair is INCREDIBLE and she can easily style it because the natural oil allows her hair to hold shape.
So my question is WIBTA if I requested he wash his hair for a little while to see how it looks. As I seriously value body autonomy and person choice, I would feel selfish asking him to do so. I'm conflicted. In the years we've been dating, hes washed it maybe a 12-20 times. I know that sounds disgusting but it's average for those who use no 'poo methods and it really isn't bad. I don't mind and I promise it's not as disgusting as it sounds. His person hygiene is great in general. These shampoo-ings, however, are not the deep conditioning that would be needed to remove the oils, however. So it feels softer but it's still not 100% clean.
I'm not sure if I am considering this purely out of curiosity or if there is a part of me that secretly thinks his hair is disgusting. Occasionally during sexy times he'll want me to grab his hair but I'm hesitant to because it's greasy. I don't think that's the reasoning but the unconscious mind is a complex thing.
Also, I always welcome personal experiences and information about no 'poo! And if INFO is needed, let me know. I know this is a bit of a ramble.
In judging this, please try to judge based on whether this would be an acceptable request given his right to bodily autonomy, not whether you think not washing your hair is a gross thing. As his girlfriend, am I allowed to make sure a request? Like I said, his hygiene otherwise is perfect.
TL;DR I'm considering asking my no 'poo boyfriend to wash his hair regularly for a short period of time to see what his natural hair is like. WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
MWDJfUXLkGSzAsI96X5uVbyri0S0rQ7S | ah6afc | {
"description": "being upset that my friends didn't try to reach out to me when they knew I was trying to kill myself",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for being upset that my friends didn't try to reach out to me when they knew I was trying to kill myself? | First and foremost, I am not looking for sympathy. Long story short, I had told my friends the week prior that I would be killing myself on this one particular date because I always hear people saying that they wish they could have had that last goodbye, or they wish they could have done one last thing, so I wanted to make sure my friends would be at peace when I would hopefully be dead. My plan didn't work out as it was meant to, I spent the whole day trying to kill myself via carbon monoxide poisoning in my car, but each time I would pass out I'd wake up to the door being open (the human body is really good at not killing itself, just look up responses to the helium hood) So anyway, after maybe 6?? hours I go home and I check my phone, expecting some messages and it is absolutely radio silent. The group chat is going as usual but no one either noticed or cared that I was not there. They all knew what I was going to be doing, I made sure I was honest because, again, I didnt want them having any regrets when I died. But it just got me upset and I did get a little bit snarky the next few days because of this and now I just want to know if I'm being an asshole.
Thank you | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
zk9IRCUDlIGx4n8BF8nN5RG0b9wZWEdo | a26vd9 | {
"description": "getting upset that my boyfriend can't usually cum in me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting upset that my boyfriend can't usually cum in me? | My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We have a good amount of sex, probably PIV 3/4 times a week and 'other' ie oral/touching, about the same.
The issue is, he only cums in me about a quarter of the time when we have PIV sex. It makes me feel useless and like my body is broken. I get upset and I try not to get emotional around him, but I don't always succeed.
I've spoken to him about it, he says it is because he is very unfit and he gets tired and out of breath. Which I believe as he does get out of breath going up 2 flights of stairs to our bedroom, and he does seem to cum more easy in a passive role, for instance I've never known him not to cum lying down having a bj.
I can't remember exactly when I first spoke to him about this, but I do remember it was at least as far back as April last year. He told me he was going to work on his diet a bit and get a bit fitter, but he hasn't. We've had this conversation so many times now but nothing has changed.
I hate myself for getting upset and taking it so personally, but I am so hurt and angry that he doesn't seem to care enough to do anything. This is the only thing we seem to have any issues with. Also, it's affecting my self esteem, I've told him if he could be complimentary outside of the bedroom and initiate sex more (I'm usually the initiater), this would make me feel a bit better too. This sort of happens, but not really.
I guess I just want your opinion on the situation, I love him a lot and I suppose he must be attracted to me as we do have a good amount of sex. I'm just tired of feeling ugly and useless. It's on my mind as it happened today, I got upset and he just shouted "I'm not having this conversation again!" and said he didn't know if the guys I were with before just had constant streams of cum or something.
Anyway sorry it's jumbled, and thanks
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
b81NOZkIeqIiWJtwJqnaL6stWIR2bOiY | ay3et6 | {
"description": "going against my parents wishes by not giving my kids traditional names",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I went against my parents wishes by not giving my kids traditional names? | So I don't have kids yet, but recently I brought it up to my parents that I don't plan on giving my kids traditional names from their culture when I have them. This conversation started because recently I had legally changed my own name from the name I parents had originally given me. My parents are immigrants here but I was born and raised here. The legal name they had given me was extremely difficult to near impossible for people here to pronounce. I made school really hell for me because no one could ever pronounce and kids would make fun of me for me. Imagine how the first day of felt like every year when they got to my name in the attendance call. Not only that, no matter where I went, I could never have a proper introduction because the conversation would always start with the other person trying to figure out how to say my name. Doctors would often never say my name when my turn came in the queue. I hardly ever got responses back in job applications because I'm pretty sure it gave people the impression that I was a foreigner who spoke little English, though I was the exact opposite.
So anyways, I've told my parents about my name change and while they would have preferred I not change it, they would understood me in that regard. As we were discussing names, I mentioned to them due to my own experience with my own name, when I have kids, I will not be giving them any sort of traditional name. I will be giving them more English/Westernized names so they can be integrated into the culture here and not go through what I went through growing up. They told me they don't like that decision, and I should give them a name that fits their culture and religion. I told them where they live is more important and their names will effect how people treat them for the rest of their lives. They then insisted I lost my culture (something I'm pretty sure many first gen immigrants go through) and I'm disobeying their religion by not giving them a religious name. My family is Muslim if you guys haven't figured it out yet. But I held my ground and said they won't have control over my kids' lives, I will, and I want to do what best to make their lives easier. When they mentioned culture and religion, I'll admit I don't follow either one of them much. I grew up completely Westernized and do not follow their religion at all. Not giving them a name that fits both does not bother or concern me. So in this situation, am I wrong for not wanting to cave in to my parents wishes to give my kids a traditional name? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FkkpBdQ0Pqh6fyLnWpwMDYvWD90fYU8y | audl4e | {
"description": "not even wanting to try an aesexual relationship",
"pronormative_score": 523,
"contranormative_score": 29
} | AITA for not even wanting to try an aesexual relationship? | My gf since June just “came out” to me as aesexual. I knew the term and honestly never thought about how their lives are. I guess I just figured they lived alone.
My gf however just told me that she was aesexual. I asked her about our sex and she said she had been faking it. That she didn’t want to lose me.
I feel so gross. We have had sex a lot. If she didn’t enjoy that, it’s just idk wrong.
She cried when I said I don’t think I can have a relationship without sex. Like sobbed. She said that’s why she never told me.
I asked her how she saw our relationship progressing. She was really adamant that we could make it work. That we could even have kids. But as far as sex I could just get sex toys.
A relationship with her on her terms really just sounds like friends with a kid. I already have friends. I don’t want to have a kid with them.
She’s super emotional right now, I don’t know how to deal with it honestly. Her friendship relationship doesn’t work for me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 25,
"OTHER": 311,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 212,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 523,
"WRONG": 29
} | RIGHT |
832yqsmpURCUvRwVVWrUTycFEpmZs3vo | b0qd89 | {
"description": "being reluctant to compromise on my appearance",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being reluctant to compromise on my appearance? | Been with my husband for over a decade, we met as teenagers and grew up together. I've always dressed and presented fairly androgynous. At various points in my life i'd play up my femme side more and my masc side more. usually i just dress in jeans and a tshirt. femininity always felt performative and a bit uncomfortable to me, but i did occasionally enjoy it. *we did not meet or fall in love during one of my high femme phases so that's not what's up*
He's made lots of shitty comments over the years about my dress. I've mostly brushed it off as him being oblivious but wanting to be good; he would want someone to tell him if he looked weird. The thing is though he makes these comments over normal, fashionable-ish outfits (i'm not gonna be doing any shoots anytime soon but i'm not a slob). He's called me boy, man, dude. Not like in the colloquial like "sup boys, let's do this" but "whatever, *boy*" if we're arguing and i happen to not be wearing a dress.
i've told him before to cut it out, that it hurts my feelings and i dont appreciate it and that it's not funny when he calls me dude boy and man "jokingly". he stops for a bit and starts again in a couple weeks. we had a huge fight about it recently where i asked him to just leave me alone about my clothes, that all i did was put on a flannel over a hoodie because it is fucking cold. he said his preferences are important and need to be considered. i said my happiness as a human being needs to be considered and he doesnt get to control how i dress all the time and that he's been a bit of a bully. he insists we need to compromise. i dont think i should compromise who i am as a person to be a prettier thing for him to look at. I want to stress, again, that i have always been this way and that my dressing this way is not some new thing. he's picked at it over the years but in the last couple years he's gotten REALLY weird about it. during the discussion he said he was afraid of me getting my mental health in order because when i do i start having problems with things. i really dont know if im being delusional here. i feel like he's trying to be controlling, and yes since i started getting help for my depression i've spoken up when i'm bothered (im not a shithead cancelling all our friends or something, but if someone is rude to me i wont smile and simper anymore, ill tell them to not treat me that way)\
**tl;dr** husband increasingly critical of my appearance, came to a head and he says i need to compromise and dress how he wants more. i think it's shitty to try to make me compromise my sense of self (i am not a super feminine person) to fit someone else's aesthetic preference | HISTORICAL | {
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Tctl9D44OZXUQSOBbmibrQG3ko73thxH | b4kafp | {
"description": "saying no to celebrating my nephews birthday at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 140,
"contranormative_score": 52
} | WIBTA If I said no to celebrating my nephews birthday at my wedding? | My soon to be sister in law has asked me and my H2B if during our reception party, we can pause everything to sing Happy Birthday to her son who will be 6.
Firstly, she doesn’t really make an effort with her sons birthdays any other time apart from getting the family round for a meal, so it strikes me as the only reason she is wanting this fuss is because she knows there is essentially a free party for him which happens to be our wedding!
However I do see her reasoning in that our wedding happened to be on his birthday (we completely forgot this when booking the wedding) and it does need to be recognised one way or another
I just really don’t feel comfortable with pausing everything for one person, I only plan on getting married once whereas this kid will have lots of other birthdays.
So WIBTA for saying no? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 50,
"OTHER": 109,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 31,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 140,
"WRONG": 52
} | RIGHT |
x9Qaut6myigJ0W66sVAQBkFp0y6V8Mzq | anhsvy | {
"description": "having my sister let my wife know my mom was out of surgery",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for having my sister let my wife know my mom was out of surgery? | This will be a short one folks as I'm still at work and mostly venting.
So my mom had surgery today to install a plate in the base of her skull. My mom has a very bad history with routine surgeries going wrong so needless to say we were all a little nervous. My wife is very close to my mom and my sister called me about 20 minutes ago to let me know she was out and heading for recovery and I asked her to call my wife to let her know since I am at work. I almost immediately get a text from my wife saying ''I am your wife, not hers'' and when I call her to try and explain she simply says her feelings were hurt and she didn't want to talk to me.
AITA for having someone else notify her since I was too busy at the time to call her myself? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VPYVMJDM2Jvik3RxXnBJtPykeCal6Ske | avl7j8 | {
"description": "cutting a guy off so bad he followed me to school to yell at me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for cutting a guy off so bad he followed me to school to yell at me? | Okay so my town has this intersection, it's a three way of two of the busiest roads in town and the cars on the part that goes straight across go 55mph and don't ever stop, while if you are trying to make a left on to the road you could sit here for 40 minuets. The road was curved and wrapped a hill so visibility was really not great especially for cars going 55. There was bunch of collisions after they built the highschool literally right next to it.
I avoided this by driving ten minuets out of my way on to a back road, but this day I missed the turn so I had to go through this dumb death trap. I had done it a few times though and it's not like there was another option. I sat there for twenty minuets until it was my turn, and waited another five minutes for an opening on my right, then asked my brother if I was clear on the left. He said yes. I looked and saw nothing so I gunned it thinking I finally had the perfect break. My brother as it turns out didn't really even look, and there was a car in my blindspot. He swerved barely avoiding me, but didn't crash and continued right behind me. I felt bad, but we where both okay and it was an honest mistake. I figured I would just have to live with that guilt.
We get to the highschool parking lot and I pull into a spot in the back with no cars around me when suddenly a car pulls in directly behind me. I think it's weird because there are spots all around us, but whatever, I start gathering my backpack when there's a tap on my window and then someone opens my door. This guy starts ranting about how i cut him off, how I needed to slow down and not rush because he could have died (even with the wait time at the intersection we where still 20 minuets early) and how it was selfish teenagers like me who where ruining the world (a bit much but k). I apologise and tell him it was an honest mistake, I was being careful but just didn't see him. I was scared for my life, he didn't seem threatening he was just upset and reasonably so, but I had grown up with stories of kids being shot inside their cars because their dad cut someone off and I really didn't want to die in my fucking highschool parking lot. He rants about how he had driven a motorcycle the that intersection just a few months ago and a car forced him off the road, and he had been in the hospital for months. He talks about how I could get someone killed and it would be my fault, and I apologise again holding back tears. my uncle had died getting slammed of his bike at an intersection.
Eventually he leaves, and after my brother gets out I drove back home, had a panic attack and then refused to drive for four months. Ever since then I have always been super paranoid about being followed and constantly check my rear view. The incident was about four years ago. I still think about it every day, and was hoping maybe I could finally get over it if I heard what some other people thought. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
ug8DIA82hlxjfCz9UWbPHNedMBhIPI4f | ay6bi9 | {
"description": "asking a student to leave after walking in on a confidential study",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking a student to leave after walking in on a confidential study? | Throwaway account because this is a sensitive topic, I feel at least. So I have gotten mixed feedback on my actions. I'm a psych student, running my thesis study. Now my topic is extremely sensitive, I had to go through the university IRB, not just my professor, to get approval. I can't even know the name of my participants from the signature of the Informed Consent to Participate, they turn the form 9ver and place it randomly in a folder of other signed consent forms, so I never learn their identity. Today I had a participant already beginning the study when another student barged in and began chatting with my participant. The person who walked in literally did not acknowledge me as a person in the room at all. I interrupted, because they clearly seemed friendly and I didn't want the confidentiality of the study breached, and said, "Can I help you?" The person who walked in said they were there for a study, but wouldn't confirm any details except the timing of their appointment, so I explained there might have been a mix-up with the online system, however I currently have a participant going through the study at this time, please step out. The student without an apppintment left in a huff without waiting, and then the participant that was originally going through my study actually left without completing it and admonished me as they left. I dont feel I was rude about it, but I definitely didn't sugar coat it I guess you could say. AITA, I genuinely want to know? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GS3fPMkCJ30jZ2hNj6nekyC4kIpyCdBI | 9z1zuk | {
"description": "asking out an 'ex' of my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for asking out an 'ex' of my friend | Hello /r/AmITheAsshole,
I am currently having some trouble determining if I would be the asshole in a certain situation and thus deciding what I should do in the situation. First some backstory:
Slightly more than 1 year ago in my second year of uni a friend of mine told me he liked someone in our friend group. So I helped him with advice and my opinion on things (so I have been kinda involved in this). He asked her out but she said 'I have to think about it' and so she did for nearly half a year until he proposed that they would go on a 'trial'date. They did this for about 1.5 months and then they started an actual 'relationship'. This relationship lasted about 2 month before he broke up with her because 'she was spending to little time on me' and 'the relationship didn't turn out as I wanted'.
Since then she has started to flirt with me and I started flirting back and liking her. So recently I started thinking about asking her out but I also realized it might be a very asshole thing to do and I do not want that. But there are two things that made me doubt whether or not I would be the asshole. First of all even though he was the one who ended the relationship he still had emotional trouble but recently (about a month) he started saying that he was over her (I doubt this). Secondly during the half-year 'thinking' period he always said to me that 'he just wants what makes her happy even if that is a relationship with someone else' (which I also doubt).
So here is my question are my doubts of being a asshole coming from a rational place or just from my penis/heart and would I be the asshole if I asked her out (or even worse got asked out by her)?
TL;DR: Friend likes girl. Weird shit for about 2/3 year. 'Relationship' for 2 months until he broke up. Now (about 5 months later) she is flirting with me and I am starting to like back. WIBTA if I asked her on a date? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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sDurHDOqM4qKQ6uzPNQxj5ZxV1w4UDWX | a0wfrk | {
"description": "cussing out my friend and now rejecting her wedding invitation",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for cussing out my friend and now rejecting her wedding invitation? | So, for context, I had two friends that I traveled with for 3 days to a new city. Before the trip, I was already lukewarm about them because I was pretty sure they were talking about me behind my back. They're closer with each other, so I didn't really mind. My whole thing is if you're not fucking me, financing me, or feeding me, then I really don't care if you don't like me/talk about me. Usually, I drop people out of my life if I feel like they don't like me, but I made the mistake of making this trip 4 months in advance. Oh, and we would also be staying in the same hostel room together.
Needless to say, that trip didn't go great. In the nicest way possible, I told them before the trip that I would go off and do a few things on my own since the places I wanted to visit wasn't the same as theirs, so I spent a lot of time on my own exploring the city. The reason I did this was that I *knew* that if I spent too much time with them that I would probably end up getting pissed off about something. I decided to hang out with them one afternoon and they just started ragging on me, so I made up an excuse and left, pissed.
After that, the whole trip was just tense. I felt more sensitive to their "jokes", because some of it felt really personal. They would tell me things like "You're not reliable" or "You're socially awkward", and it was like a 2-on-1 situation. But, it was also my fault because I should've addressed the issues while they were taking place. But I just thought I would stick it out for 3 days and then never talk to them again.
At the end of the trip, we were at the airport on the way back to our home city. There was a man just yelling at one of the service people, waving his hands in her face, and I always have an issue with that. So, I said very loudly that he was being "unnecessary". My friend then told me "You don't need to get involved." And I snapped. I told her, very strongly, that I would "Tell an old man he was being unnecessary if he was being fucking unnecessary, and I take issue with you telling me not to get involved."
Minutes later I realized I had lost my temper and apologized. Told her that none of my anger was directed at her, but towards the man, and that I was sorry that if I hurt her and that it wasn't my intention. Anyways, the flight back was quiet and when we landed I said goodbye, hugged them, and then fast walked away from them. Later, I sent them a text saying that I hoped they got home all right.
No response and I haven't talked to either of them in 3 months. I thought that was the end of that. I felt bad for yelling at her and just fast walking away from them at the airport, but I felt like I had done enough apologizing at that point. I just figured our friendship was over. Then I got an invitation in the mail for her wedding (which the other friend on the trip is a bridesmaid in).
So, would I be the asshole if I write in a note that says "I won't be able to make it, but congratulations!" and respectfully decline the invitation? I don't want to have a conclusive conversation where I say "Hey, I don't want to be involved in y'all's lives, I don't like you", but I also feel like it would be disingenuous of me to go to the wedding, but I also feel bad because they're extending an olive branch . . . I just don't want to take it.
I don't know, I'm just really confused. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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rWSxI6SjmJFrsFXDbydw9RrbBCCqGLh8 | asen00 | {
"description": "asking a store to carry through with a policy when a cashier made a mistake",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for asking a store to carry through with a policy when a cashier made a mistake? | I initially posted this to a different sub, and was referred to post here for professional asshole checkers. Here is the story as it was laid out there:
So, our local liquor store chain has a policy where they card everyone under 40. They also have signs all over the store stating that if you are under 40 and they fail to card you, they will give you 40 dollars.
Saturday I decided to do some drunk streaming, and went to the store to get cider. When I was checking out, the cashier asked me what year I was born in. I an definitely over 21, and told him the year.
He then finished the transaction without asking for my ID. After I paid, I pointed out he didn't ask for my ID, So he replied with, oh, can I see it?
I told him he could, but that wasn't the point, and that I am under 40, and wanted my 40 dollars. He then made a huge production about it, told me I had to wait for his manager, and in general got really rude with me.
I wound up waiting for about 15 minutes, but finally filled out some paperwork to get a check mailed to me.
Am I an asshole for asking for my 40 bucks?
Editing original post to clarify some things brought up in comments:
I have no idea if this is a franchise location or not, but there are a lot of liquor stores under the brand name in my area.
I also don't go to this store very often, the last time was 5 months ago and I did not recognize either of the cashiers that were working.
I do not believe that I look like I am 40 at all, and most people peg me to be early 30's when asked how old they think I am.
And in my state, there is, in fact, a law that states that everyone purchasing alcohol must be asked to show ID unless they "reasonably appear" over the age of 40, that's not just a company policy.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
xi4Kmt5ENpLlpsaaPfhLKcA9fxr60tGc | b01dbb | {
"description": "not wanting my gf to contact her Ex about his deceased Father",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not Wanting my GF to Contact Her Ex About His Deceased Father? | This requires a little backstory:
It's coming up on two years since my girlfriend had her ex-boyfriend's father die while they were in a relationship. It was obviously a traumatic experience for both of them. They had a messy breakup months later (He was caught talking intimately with another girl). A couple months later, I come into the picture with her and have been since, for about one and a half years. Last year, my girlfriend texted him to tell him she's thinking of him that day, and I remember thinking nothing of it because of how hard it must be to lose a father. They continued texting the following days, which turned into a hatred-fueled name calling fest between them. They've had minimal contact since.
Now, it's almost the second anniversary of her ex's dads death. My girlfriend is adamant on texting him again saying she's thinking of him. I've reminded her of what happened last year, but she's insistent on contacting him anyway because she says that's what she would want someone to do for her. I can't help but think things will go sour, or that there's an ulterior motive for her contacting her by thinking about what happened last year.
Am I the asshole for not wanting her to contact her ex about his dead father? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
s6T1FztcDH1h8wwugFj7LvVKHJ9HXSDv | a3qt4b | {
"description": "having a lady friend so soon after my SO's sudden and tragic death",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for having a lady friend so soon after my SO's sudden and tragic death? | This is one of my first ever posts, so I hope I'm doing this right.
In mid-October my girlfriend (let's call her Emily) of almost 5 years died with her friend from using tainted drugs. I found both of them, hours dead, first thinking they were just drunk. To be clear my girl hadn't used heroin in several years, she knew my feelings on them.
Our relationship was not an easy one. She struggled with depression and barely left the bed the last year she was alive. We also both have pretty serious drinking habits. I knew she was thinking about using again but never imagined one use would kill her and one of her best friends.
Flash forward a few weeks, and something happened between me and another one of her friends (let's call her Julie) from when they were teenagers/young adults. They hadn't seen each other in years but had recently re-connected via Facebook. Julie helped me so much with coordinating and designing things for Emily's memorial, and overall had been very sweet and compassionate.
It's very quiet here at the apartment since Emily's passing, and Julie's company very much helps get through those nights. We sleep in the guest room, in fact I haven't slept in the master bedroom since Emily died (she and her friend died on the bed).
I, along with Julie, both have strong feelings of guilt considering our newly intimate relationship. We haven't really told anybody either. Am I doing this wrong, or dishonoring Emily for what is happening between me and another woman? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2mvOsJ4b6EeVMGcZBJ54ZvAWCjsduBa2 | b3wpji | {
"description": "playing rugby",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for playing rugby? | So I'm 29, probably not important. Am I the asshole for wanting to keep playing rugby despite having 2 young kids? Bit of context, 2 kidss, ones 2 and ones just about 4 months. Misses is still on maternity, I work full time, and as much on call and out of hours work in IT as I can. Makes for a fairly hefty schedule and it's relatively stressful. When I get up in the morning I try my best to take the kids down without disturbing my other half until I have to leave for work, maybe have a cup of coffee for breakfast go to work around 8ish and work until about half 5 usually home just before 6 (thankfully it's not a long drive in or home). When I get home I play with my eldest, generally while doing everything I can to take the youngest off my partner's hands until I take the eldest to bed at 7ish. After that I swallow whatever I can for my dinner, and have the youngest until bedtime at about 10. I train for rugby once a week on a Thursday night, so I don't come home I go straight there and land back usually around 9, I stopped going twice a week when we had the first one. And I play a match most Saturdays. So I'll be out of the house for maybe 6 hours from lunchtimes for the longer away trips. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
s2rf62OAvK71qU5WP2NlHCo6mSmeXcej | ak612u | {
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to hang out with another girl",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Not Wanting My Boyfriend to Hang Out With Another Girl? | obligatory first time poster/on mobile apology.
My current boyfriend (18m) and I (16f) dated back in May of last year for a few months, until I ended things in August.
While we were broken up he had a flirty kind of relationship with another girl. We just got back together a few weeks ago, and she's coming over to his house tonight while his parents are out. I had to drag it out of him that it was her he's hanging out with, which is making me kind of suspicious. Not to mention she's having problems with her boyfriend right now.
AITA for being kind of pissed that he invited her over? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
yyEHxeSfTr17CiAOqdjCfZKlAay8LzYZ | aqi753 | {
"description": "cutting contact with a friend of mine because I love her and she doesn't feel the same",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I cut contact with a friend of mine because I love her and she doesn't feel the same | Two years ago I met this girl, let's call her Elise. We hung out a lot and eventually made out and had sex. The making out kept happening but sex didn't happen anymore. I specifically told her I was not looking for a relationship and she agreed with my decision. Later she got into some relationships with other guys and whenever that happened we still talked but never really hung out. Her last relationship just ended in a bad way and all her friends were the friends of his ex bf. She doesn't have a lot of friends right now but she can manage. Immediately we started hanging out again and I started caring deeply about her. She is doing very bad in college so I told her to come to me and I'll help her. What she studies is my job so it's easy for me to help her. I basically forced her to come to mine, work on the assignment and if she had any questions I would gladly answer or help her. Eventually we got her last assignments done and she passed the year. We still kiss and make out now and then and feeling started to creep up. She is brutally honest and so I am. We don't lie to each other ever and that's why we are such good friends. Now I have another female friend who is legitimately a very good friend of mine, let's call her danielle. I have no desire to kiss her or have sex with her. One of my best friends is her boyfriend and he basically says that he'd trust to put us both naked in a bed and nothing will happen, which is true. So you can say the intentions of my friendship with danielle are equal to hers. With Elise it is completely different. I have very strong desires to sleep with her and it is always on my mind which makes our friendship unequal. Yesterday I told her that I was potentially open for a relationship with her. Now she is brutally honest. Her response was that she does not like to be touched, is very probably going to cheat on me (as she did with her last) and does not want to ruin our friendship. I gave a honest response and I told her that our friendship is unequal because I want more and she doesn't. I also told her that not having a relationship potentially might also be the end of our friendship as I will not know how to deal with it It is eating me up and I don't think I can ever be the real friend that I always tell myself I am for her because I am always chasing for wanting more. I'm considering to pull the plug at least for now and tell her that I don't want to see her for a while because I need to sort out my feelings. So reddit, WIBTA if I cut contact with one of my best friends because she doesn't want a relationship | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
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} | RIGHT |
hcHECHE2WvlEYZyWYxHWergUoo6CG6Li | ax6xcr | {
"description": "asking my mum for advice about how to help my cheating sister",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking my mum for advice about how to help my cheating sister? | My sister was with her ex fiancé for 7 years. They were engaged for two years before all this mess.
6 months towards the end of their engagement, my sister hooks up with an old school mate. She started sleeping with this guy while still engaged. She told me not to say a word to anyone, not my boyfriend or my mum or if I did she would disown me.
It got to a point where I was getting actually sick from the stress of it all so I had one of those “hypothetical” conversations with my mum and asking on how she would best help my hypothetical friend.
My mum is a smart woman and cottoned on pretty quick and rang my sister to “just see how she was” and my sister was furious at me.
She rang me a week later (after completely melting down at me) saying her therapist had said to her “That’s a huge violation of trust, she sounds really selfish. She needs to apologise because that’s not right she did that to you” and because I felt really bad (mentally and physically) I apologised.
AITA for talking to my mum? I really needed to talk to someone about this and I didn’t know where to go.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 32,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
z29X6sjMMN8nYryfE1RX3AnN5Y2hSfgY | b70s63 | {
"description": "hurting my mom's feelings",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for hurting my mom's feelings? | My mom's going through a divorce, and someone committed arson and burned down the house right before it was to be split in the divorce. She's been working with the insurance company on a settlement.
My mom's lawyer called me earlier this week. He expressed concern about my mom's mental state--she has not returned any phone calls or emails from him or the insurance company. He was worried that she was intent on dropping this case and asked me to reach out to her. As far as I had known, she wasn't intent on dropping anything and wanted to use any insurance money gained for a down payment on her own place. I called her after she got off of work and yelled at her. I told her the situation, then told her to call me back once she had gotten home and checked her emails. I call her back later and she's in tears. She tells me how I upset her earlier and how she is tired of fighting and wants to move on. She expresses how she is tired of dealing with this past life of hers everyday and wants to move forward. She is exhausted of going back home for court cases and talking to the insurance company all of the time giving them information. I counter with how this is the easy part. The hard part was testifying under oath in criminal cases and recounting everything he had done. These people just want clarification on inventory inside of the house. Besides, she's currently renting, but she can't pay that high ass rent forever. There will come a time when she will need somewhere to live. She replied, "I'll cross that bridge when I get there", her mantra to everything. I told her, "you won't cross it, you'll be living under it. You need to finish what you've started to secure your future. If you don't do this, I'm so done." She then throws the "after everything I've done for you" card, and follows up with "you'll just cut off your family like that?".
I'm triggered and I tell her how I feel. The only three family members I feel like I had were my grandmother, mother, and brother. My grandmother has late stage Alzheimer's and will soon forget who I am. I've already cried and grieved because the woman who raised me is no longer there. My little brother and I weren't close after I left for college, so I don't even know anything about him. All I have left is my mom, and I'm not going to take care of her forever when she won't even help herself because of her "feelings". So yes, I absolutely will. She cried and we haven't spoken since. AITA here? I tolerated my father's abuse for at least 15 years, and I did all of that for HER. I want what I think is best for her, and I'd much rather her have somewhere to live in 20 years than be sad she has to talk to an insurance company once a month now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
1VJtC5pg13OjcMnr1rMv40iGKXsZALaJ | b93991 | {
"description": "not sending thank you notes",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA For Not Sending Thank You Notes? | So, my husband and I got married about six months ago. It was a very small affair, practically an elopement, with just immediate family and a few friends each. I also didn't plan on having a bridal shower or a bachelorette party either, considering how low-key the wedding was going to be. But then one of my best friends planned a small surprise bridal shower for me, which was lovely, but not something I ever wanted. I had planned on sending thank you notes because that's what you're "supposed" to do. But immediately after the shower my then fiancé and I had a lot going on with family drama and illness, planning the wedding, moving in together, and both of us starting new jobs, so I didn't get a chance to send them.
A few months after all that, the wadding came and it was great and our family and friends were very generous with their cards and again I planned on sending thank you notes because it's what I was "supposed" to do. But then right after it was the holidays, a family member passed away, and I was also busy applying to graduate schools, so I didn't get a chance to send them yet again. Now it's been 6 months since the wedding and 8 since the shower and I've been told (by the friend who planned the surprise shower) that it's too late and I was rude not to send them, even though the shower was a surprise and the wedding was so small.
Also, I did take the time to thank everyone personally at both the shower and at/after the wedding for the gift/card they gave us and for attending. Which I feel is something that isn't an option at bigger weddings, which is the whole reason for thank you cards; so you can thank everyone even if you don't have the opportunity to do so at the event itself. So, although I know I didn't technically follow etiquette, that's not what I really care about. I want to know if I'm an asshole and (more importantly) if people who attended my shower/wedding probably think I'm an asshole. What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
uIxER2WkqxMcY3HA5WNeGFeEZk75aaQH | 9y722j | {
"description": "putting my in-law in a headlock",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for putting my in-law in a headlock? | So this happened back in May.
Let me preface this by saying that my brother in law is 16, I'm 20, and I'm married to his sister who's 21 (20 at the time). They are 4 years apart and grew up really close, as they live up in the mountains, about 30 minutes away from any other civilization. Since we met and started dating (3-4 years ago) He's always been physically rough with her, trying to wrestle, grabbing her as if she were a brother. I usually tell him to stop, half joking, buy always gives the excuse "she's my sister! It's ok!". Not saying you can't be rough with your sister (I definitely was as a kid), but once you're an adult, that type of horse-play usually stops.
Because he never had a brother, he has taken me as an older brother. He copies me, and loves everything I do, basically becoming obsessed with me. I love it!!! I didn't really get along with my brother growing up (6years older than me) and so it is really great to have a younger brother now.
So in May, we had been married for two months, since March. We were visiting at their home (8hr drive) after this last semester ended, we visit maybe twice a year as it's far. The visit went well, and during breakfast one morning, her brother came down stairs and as she (my wife) was sitting on a stool next to me, he puts her in a headlock. Now she instantaneously looked at me and asked for help, and told him to stop. He didn't stop for about 15 seconds, so I stepped in behind him and put him in a headlock.
I'm in the Army, and not much bigger than him, but I am substantially stronger. He submitted and during the headlock I squoze (past tense of squeeze? Haha) hard enough for him to be choked, and I let up (still had him in a headlock, just like he had my wife) and I whispered to him "I don't care if she's your sister. you will never put my wife in a headlock again".
He kind of slinked down for a few hours and didn't talk to anyone. He came around and stopped feeling sorry for himself, but he was very visibly upset.
Now, we still have a snap streak going, (his idea) and all is back to normal. Thinking about it, I was just protecting my wife. I myself went through a similar situation with my older brother in law who married my sister, and I believe that to be a very important lesson to learn.
Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bi6Vuo93YuYjGd46UPsEYFfNy590jxKG | b94yek | null | AITA for what my auntie did. | so I always wondered if my auntie was a asshole for doing this or not.
so I hate boats but decided to tough it out and go on the family cruse trip to Australia.
about 4 days into the boat trip I have a panic attack. I happen to be sitting next to my dad and auntie, both brother and sister.
I get up and run behind the closet pillar so I can cry in peice. my dad does not even look at me and keeps on sipping his beer.
my auntie sits down and helps me through it and through my crying learns that dad not caring about my panic attacks is normal.
he laughs at me when I have them.
boy does she get mad, she gets up and tells at him that his daughter is currently crying and your beer is more important then her, because that's shitty parenting. she then also tells him he is a horrible father and needs to learn about her mental heath because it's going to be with his daughter forever.
he gets mad and storms off.
they did not talk for 2 days.
was my auntie a asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MRoRA7nCxUo50usNmMKkasn13AmCV1mz | au1qv6 | {
"description": "not letting an employee with a mental disorder train new hires",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting an employee with a mental disorder train new hires? | The situation isn't exactly how the question makes it sound, I promise.
So I work in a call center and I oversee a fairly large group of people who are part of a special program. The people in this group are some of our top performers, so we use them to train new hires by having them sit with the new people and listen to their calls for the first 3 days.
We normally only need about 20 people, and the whole group is much larger, so not everyone gets to train the new hires every day. We randomize the list of who's going to sit with new hires every day for the following day, and the people who aren't on the list take calls as they normally would. If someone on the list doesn't come in that day, I have to find someone to fill their spot before the training session starts, which is super short notice.
There is one person who was ADAAA benefits. For those who aren't familiar, The Americans with Disabilities Act Amendments Act (ADAAA) is a civil rights law that was originally passed by Congress in 1990 (as the Americans with Disabilities Act-ADA) and protects individuals with disabilities from discrimination in the workplace, as well as school and other settings.
This particular person is allowed to miss a certain amount of hours per week without receiving any corrective action. What they have been doing for the last few weeks is clocking in, coming to the board at my desk to see if they're on the list to train for the day, and then clocking out and going home if they aren't on it. Now within the last several days, this person has been frequently late, like 30 - 45 minutes. By this point, I will have already found another person to train in their spot for the day and I have to tell this person that they will not be able to train today because I had to assume they we're not coming in, just as I would with any of the other employees.
So yesterday, same thing happened. This person comes in super late and I have already found another person to take their spot, they reacted a little poorly. I could tell they were upset so I apologized. Later on that day I get an email that they sent to their direct supervisor (supervisor forwarded it to me) and they were saying that they felt like they were being left out of training because of their mental health issues, and that me and their supervisor were giving them negative feedback about their performance despite ADAAA benefits excusing them from work.
I have NEVER reacted in a negative way to this person regarding their attendance, and I haven't given them any feedback at all about their training performance.
I cannot start the training session with only 19 people, because I'd have one new hire sitting around doing nothing. I cannot wait on this person, assuming they even come in given their attendance forgiveness policy.
I'm scared that this could tarnish my reputation or even cost me my job! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0nLLqweqCHrA5X8v4ySorYNJnhzGsOwi | aeyz54 | {
"description": "sending screenshots of texts to my friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA For sending screenshots of texts to my friends? | So one of my mutual friends and I got into an argument recently. For context, this guy had a habit of sometimes getting agitated for no reason and lashing out.
So he and I get into an argument about luxury clothing brands. I was arguing that they are overpriced junk and he felt that it was a personal attack. He then insulted my looks, beliefs, and fashion choices. He then ended the conversation with "f\*\*k you and your mom's v\*\*\*\*a. I thought that this was hilarious and sent it to some of my friends. He is now angry that I sent the texts because it was a private message. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
szpGaq13fKjp2p3BV6lXHwlmEEuls1co | b5ljwr | {
"description": "telling my mom off",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my mom off? | So I just got home from work and was talking to my family about how I might need to use one of their computers because I'm waiting for my my next pay check to buy a new one (my current one's battery doesn't hold charge anymore and is very slowly dying) and I need to contact my last boss to write notes for a letter of rec from her. My mom starts laying into me that I need to use a computer to apply for jobs. I tell her that I want to have a computer but I can't afford it right now. She then tells me to not use the computer to make music (old iteration of a DAW, four generations old) and play games (almost explicitly tf2, an 11 year old game) because she thinks that the software is killing my computer. I told her that the software is A) around ten years old and runs on PC's which are older just fine and that B) I know more about computers than her and I'm paying for it so I'm gonna do anyway.
​
She got mad and then told me that I was going to kill my computer, but it was my money. I agreed that it was my money and reiterated that she genuinely didn't know what she was talking about. My stepdad started chiming in about how my computer is dying right now and I pointed out that they bought the cheapest computer at Costco and the one *they* bought was so cheap it instadied and I had to go get another one.
She said something else and I said that she didn't know what she was talking about and it was my money and so she cut me off and said, "I don't want to talk about this right now" and is accusing me of arguing to argue.
​
I just graduated college in December and am looking for serious work, but also am in food service to pay the bills
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
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