id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Nim9Iux4PpMZczvFU83mKrxIX22eJeeD | b98pwg | {
"description": "leaving my boyfriend alone for the holidays to go on a trip he can't afford",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I left my boyfriend alone for the holidays to go on a trip he can't afford? | For background, I'm from South America, and have been living in Japan for a few years. To go back home, it would take at least 2 flights and 28 hours one way, so I never get to visit (can never attend family gatherings, weddings, funerals, etc), since my work schedule is pretty hectic, and I rarely get to take actual vacations. If you're anything familiar with latin american families, you must know this is a pretty big deal for me, and I miss my family and friends (and everything else) like crazy, even though my life here right now is pretty amazing.
Anyway, the longest national holiday in this country is coming up, and this year, it will be a 10-day thing. This is a rare opportunity for me to actually be able to spend a few days in my home country, so I started making plans to travel with my boyfriend a while ago (he is Japanese, and works even more than I do). Due to multiple factors (job change, move, other setbacks), we couldn't get to purchase tickets months in advance, and since this is the only decent holiday in this country, the prices quickly sky-rocketed, and we couldn't afford it. So we had basically given up on going anywhere, and were thinking of things to do during that period that wouldn't break the bank.
Unrelated to this issue, things haven't been going too well for us as a couple. We have been fighting a lot, there is quite a lack of affection recently, and while it's embarassing to admit, I'm resenting him a lot lately. I have been thinking of breaking up, but we somehow always make up after a fight, and we still like each other (have talked about marriage, etc). So I'm torn about that as well.
Recently, my father has contacted me offering to pay for my trip back home, because he knows I have been kind of down lately, and honestly, because he misses me. I got super excited, and there is nothing I'd like more than going back for the first time in years, but that would mean leaving my boyfriend behind, when we were both looking for things to do together during the holiday.
Considering things haven't been great for us recently, and how much I need some time away, I'm pretty much set on taking my dad's offer. That would make my boyfriend pretty upset though. So, Would I Be The Asshole if I went back home and left him with nothing to do?
TL;DR: Boyfriend and I had plans to visit my home country for the first time in years during the holidays. Realized we couldn't afford it, and gave up. Things haven't been going too well with said boyfriend, because of unrelated reasons. My dad has offered to pay for me to go, because he wants to see me. I want to go, but boyfriend would be upset. WITBA if I went? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GiIDDZWKyl3HTgPyI7XpjwhQxw2X87bz | b0vlj4 | {
"description": "exposing my mom in front of our family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I expose my Mom in front of our family? | Note: sorry if the format is off, I’m writing this on mobile
Okay, here’s some context to the situation:
I am a middle child. Right after I was born, my Mom and Dad divorced, and eventually both got remarried. My dad got remarried to a nice woman who treats me like my own child. My mother, however, remarried a man that she, plain and simple, doesn’t get along with. She even had my little sister with him.
And when I say she doesn’t get along with him, they haven’t since day 1. I have memories of their fights. They ranged from things so little as who was cooking dinner that night to what they were going to do about my “unruly” big sister, who stayed with my mom at the time. They eventually put her out of the house and made her live with my grandparents.
Despite these things, I still went to stay with my mom over the summers (she had moved to a different state) and, every time I go down there, they argue. In front of my little sister, nonetheless, who can’t stay with anyone else as they’ve effectively separated themselves from the rest of the family. It got to the point that I only went down to “visit” so that if fight broke out, I’d be there to comfort my little sister.
After this past summer, I decided that, for my mental health, I couldn’t go down there anymore. Luckily, my little sister has a phone now, so I made sure that she had my and my big sister’s numbers so if she ever needed to call, she could.
Fast forward a couple of months, and I get a call from my big sister. We talk for a little while and then the topic gets to the fact that my mother and her husband got into another fight, and my little sister had to call.
This conversation later turned to the fact that, apparently, my mother used to be very abusive to my older sister, and when she “decided” to kick out my older sister (her husband was really the one who wanted it to happen, he NEVER liked my big sister), she said that she “would gladly give her up to the state if no one else would take her.” Needless to say, this pushed me over the edge.
My mother and her husband cannot admit their own faults, and they don’t want a divorce because they “wouldn’t want to put my little sister through one” (despite the fact that my mother already put two of her kids through one). This led me and my big sister to come up with a plan to expose my mother in front of our family in a last-ditch-effort to get her and her husband to come to their senses and find a way to either make their marriage work, or a separation work. We honestly believe that this could be the only way to bring change. I was planning on doing it around my graduation this year (when my mother would come up to visit), but I’ve recently had second thoughts. If I were to expose my mother to: stop her from exposing my little sister to these fights, and to stop my mother herself from living in a toxic home, would I be an asshole?
I love my mother, I always will, but this honestly needs to stop one way or another.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jZBe0gRu77yH6dJiSpkf6W1MqLPLIK5H | akusos | {
"description": "using a girl who liked me to get to her hot friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for using a girl who liked me to get to her hot friend. | I have had classes with this girl for two years now and I talk to her now and again, but she gets super flirty and I just don’t feel comfortable. She clearly has a thing for me because I always catch her stares unintentionally, which is always awkward. She finally built up the courage to tell me that she thinks I’m cute. I responded with a “thanks” and that was it. Hopefully signaling to her that I don’t think of her the same. She invited me to a small party with her and three of her friends, one of them is super attractive. My inner fuck boy instantly said “yess”. I got all dressed up, and put tons of cologne on, hoping to stand out to the hot girl. Throughout the party I avoided the girl who was nice enough to invite me, and instead hung out with her friend. She said it was time to watch a movie, and she sat right next to me. The hot girl sat on the other side and she was leaning on me, which lead to me putting my arm around her. The girl who liked me got up and didn’t come back until the end of the movie. I felt like a complete dick so I started being super nice to her when she got back. Her eyes were red, which literally tore me to pieces. I told her I liked her outfit, and complemented her hair. She seemed fine by the end of the night, so I left. She avoided talking to me from that point on. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
juscNYUgg0kaeKXf9UxUYB2pdqln9Ckl | 9yqtn2 | {
"description": "constantly fighting with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for constantly fighting with my mother? | TL;DR at the end but I advise you to read the whole thing.
Okay so, I'22 years old but in my country it's pretty normal to live with your parents until you get married, don't judge my because of this.
So the story is: My father left for another woman when I was 17, I started working while I was still in high school because money was needed. I admit, I didn't really want to work, I wanted to keep studying so I got kind of a lazy attitude back then. Now I have graduated but have given up on University, I have been working full time for 2 years.
Anyways, my mother keeps shouting at me that I am lazy and she is sick of me playing videogames all day instead of going out with friends (which is not true, I do play videogames a lot but I will hang out if I don't have to wake up at 6 am the next day).
Now I am sick of her insulting me so I recently started getting angry and shouting back at her, even if I feel bad about it.
With that said, my mother is sick, she suffers from severe depression and you can kinda tell when she is on her "bad day". In any case, I still don't think I deserve all this hate from her, life is hard for me as it is (trying to live on my own, with no support whatsoever).
TL;DR: My mother is crazy and I get angry and insult her back when she insults me.
What do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jKyrFrbftSGzCkN3Cyx6vfbGbJyLFXzZ | 9x7js5 | null | AITA- Parents take my college savings without my permission to invest in a new house but refuse to buy me a new car because it is to “expensive” [17] | So last year around September my parents had decided to build a new house and rent it out to people who come and go. This isn’t a new concept for our family since we own other properties and do the same thing with them. My family is fairly wealthy (higher middle class) and money has never been an issue for us. A year has passed and the house has been finally finished. It was time for my parents to pay but suddenly they came slightly short and decided to take my college savings to pay for the rest of the house. My parents tell me they took the money out of my account after they purchased the house. They say they will pay me back and I trust them that they will. But for about a year now I have been asking for my own car and they have said themselves that they had plans to get me one. Ever since we bought the house now it seems like they have no intentions in buying me a car. If they do buy me a car I probably will only be able to use it for a couple of months and it will be passed down to my sister.
I’d like to acknowledge that I do a lot of after school activities that end up with me waiting an hour to two before me getting picked up.I am going to college in 7 months and the odds that I don’t go to a big university that require a car are low. Also I never asked for a super nice car our anything extreme, just something decent that can get me around town and to school.
AITA for thinking that they should have planned this out better to help me out first but make sure they aren’t putting our family finances in jeopardy?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
CjJhM039MV0aQNgPJX97guiqTbNmhehA | ahl66b | {
"description": "wanting to call out a man complaining about inequality to an all female tattoo studio. warning long",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting to call out a man complaining about inequality to an all female tattoo studio. Warning long. | I work as a tattooist at an all female tattoo studio in a major city of Queensland, Australia where equality is pretty strong. We received a message today...
Could we maybe have a flash day with tatts for men, I no use are a all female staff but yeah not 1 of your flash days have had tatts for men, I thought we lived in a equal society.
He sent a 2nd message an hour later...
No reply? Guess equality is bullshit.
Our receptionist gave a lovely worded message:
... Our artists have been busy tattooing today. A flash for men is a great idea. We do tend to incorporate our fellow men in our flash designs. Feel free to drop some ideas for us.
I want our boss to reply and ban him because:
1. We're an all female studio where the majority of studios in the area are mostly male.
2. All of our flash is gender neutral but we specifically have flash in styles that appeal to both.
3. We will draw up any designs a client wants regardless of gender.
AITA for getting triggered over a man getting triggered over an all female tattoo studio designs? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
9BmpMzml72pZczQw2jNFhQBNHgyUOlPf | ar9l9s | {
"description": "refusing to celebrate my birthday because it's on the anniversary of my brother's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for refusing to celebrate my birthday because it's on the anniversary of my brother's funeral? | A few years ago my brother died in a bad traffic accident right before my birthday. His funeral was not supposed to be on my birthday, but there was a blizzard that shut down the city and we ended up having to have it on my birthday.
The way I see it, I don't have a birthday anymore. I had some amazing ones in the past: blowout parties, lots of travel, often with my brother, so I had my fair share of good bdays.
My family and some of my friends don't see it that way. My mom says it's her day too and she wants to celebrate with her remaining children. Some of my friends want to take me out to dinner, get drinks,etc. Thankfully, my husband gets it and refuses any plans.
I'm not aggressive about it. I just say that I have no plans when asked. My mom still brings over a cake and tries to get people to come over, even though she knows how I feel.
I know that celebrating might make other people feel better about the situation, but I also feel like I need to protect myself emotionally.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 20,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
rR1q98HGGdlqc1qY4mtKUt8kfi8UhKAn | b6yv30 | {
"description": "wanting an apology after an argument",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting an apology after an argument? | ​
I've been struggling with this problem for a while now, but recently I have been talking to someone, that I have known for about a year now, and so far its been great to get to know and talk to this person. However, almost quite recently there have been a series of events that have happened over the course of the past few months taking the form of meaningless arguments almost. Often we will squabble about different things, but it almost always boils down to me telling them how I felt about it and them merely stating that it wasn't their problem, even though they could clearly see that I was upset by it, and constantly refusing to apologise for anything.
For example, a week ago when we were talking I asked a question, and was met with radio silence on their part. I asked again and they responded by imitating me and mocking me in a condescending voice just out of the blue, and mocked me for a few more minutes. I was surprised by this as the mood had been completely different before, but they just started to insult me, etc. So when I responded a bit surprised, and to be fair a bit forcefully, they said I should stop being so toxic, and that I had started the whole thing. We then proceeded to fight a bit about that, and then they attacked me for wanting to feel right in the argument, and not stopping in my persistence of wanting to know why they started this argument and then left.
Of course, I admit that I might be a bit touchy from time to time, and that different people see things and problems different ways, but it has always been my view that if you have hurt or offended someone you should at least apologise for it, (even if you don't agree with the other person), instead of saying lets agree to disagree in order to escape an argument, especially when the person themselves started this conflict. I have always made it clear when I have felt upset by anything hurtful the other person is saying, so am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AcVT3eWB4lFngWGrLG9ITKCF7ueEvQJP | b3l0gb | {
"description": "not wanting to give a wedding gift",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to give a wedding gift? | I was taking to my partner about my niece’s wedding and it occurred to me that she probably expects a gift. Now the reason why I don’t really want to give one is because she is having a destination wedding. We have already paid £2.5k to go to the wedding. This is a trip my partner and I wouldn’t have gone on, it’s the most I have ever paid for a trip. I don’t earn a lot as I’m disabled (it took a year for me to paid my half of this trip) and I don’t really want to give more. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
yImr5PHKlmmQwr54pjhJxoEOzb7VaX7j | b5frst | {
"description": "getring mad at my roommate for giving my food away",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getring mad at my roommate for giving my food away? | Throwaway account and obligatory on mobile disclaimer (but isn’t everyone on mobile anyway?)
So I share a two bedroom apt with a girl and her boyfriend and we split the rent and are supposed to
Split the grocery bill but it out groceries aren’t really that expensive because my dad works at a chain bulk store that rhymes with LostCo and whenever he comes to visit (once a month from 2 towns away) he’ll bring some bulk essentials like two long loaves of bread and milk and eggs for me and we really only have to buy extras we want
These never go bad and are usually gone by the next time he comes to visit.
Well when I was going to make a sandwich and a loaf was missing my dad had only come by yesterday so I thought it was weird.
I ask my roommate if she’s seen it because I don’t want to open a new bag if one is open and she says to me her sister came by and she gave her some groceries. A bread, a case of water and some milk
Now I don’t know her sister well and but I do know she is a mother but to me that was very rude to not even ask me and I tell her
“I don’t know where you get off, because they aren’t yours to give away, I share them because it’s too much for me and I’m being generous. Don’t do it again and I want you to pay me back for them”
And storm off
Later her boyfriend tells me I was a dick and she was just helping out her sister and that I shouldn’t be so selfish especially since I didn’t pay for it. They haven’t payed me a week later and I haven’t asked for it again but things are tense
So AITA?
Too me I feel like if I have to buy the groceries I normally wouldn’t have to I should be compensated accordingly
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
L0TedOTWkdtU29fH9s6ucxKoSVsLcgTu | a0rf6t | {
"description": "not traveling to my sibling's state/home for the holidays at my parents' demands and effecitively \"ruining Christmas\" by not all being together for the first year",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not traveling to my sibling's state/home for the holidays at my parents' demands and effecitively "ruining Christmas" by not all being together for the first year? | Well, I just discovered this sub a few days ago an wondered, to be honest, what possible situation would require me to post here one day, and well...here I am. Judge away please.
Title says it all really. My family has always spent the holidays together at our parents house (at least Christmas), usually and this year since my sibling is working and can't get off for Christmas, my family is demanding we all travel to their place (requires multiple flights for all of us) to celebrate together - meanwhile - this sibling will be working on Christmas itself.
I've had a not awesome year - some of that related to family relationships - and I'm just beginning to gather back all my positive energies, taking care of myself, meditating and exercising, all that superduperwonderful stuff and it's just starting to help, just starting... but this seemingly small thing is causing a lot trouble both in my mind and theirs.
I love my family and will probably miss celebrating with them but I also know that the situation (being where this sibling lives, under their "rules" and ways of thinking) during the short time I have off from work myself, is just going to exacerbate all the negative energy I'm looking to avoid.
It's also a lot of undue stress. I have a dog I would need to travel with and also significant other who, gratefully, they have invited, but also have expected they will want to spend their holiday there as well. I mentioned this to my parents and they responded that my significant other could stay home (alone) with our dog, if they preferred.
I expected to travel for Christmas, I thought I'd go to parents place which also happens to be in a very relaxing and nice place, so also creates a reason for travel and time off. It's easy to get to, and enjoyable for everyone.
At risk of sharing too many details, I'll leave the description of my sibling's home location as 'being most well known for it's library'.
I love books a lot but imma pass here.
I'm being actively guilt tripped about this whole thing, and honestly, it's not working very well - I'm pretty set on not going, but... while quickly thinking about this all again I remembered this subreddit and thought I'd see what you all think.
I was going to leave this part out because it seemed like some sort of unsound argumentative logic, so feel free to ignore, but a big thing pestering me about all of this too is that there have been other holidays like thanksgiving in years past where I've been stuck working the day of and I invited my family to come to me, but they rejected for one reason or another multiple years in a row. The invitation I offered them was of equal travel distance, though direct flights, and a central location that was easy for everyone to get to.
Am I right to feel strongly that this is a double standard and my family doesn't have the right to demand this of me or guilt me for my decisions here or am I the asshole for ruining a Christmas family tradition?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
riUMiYxMMdWbjgMMayVYZ59GIOHANEAM | ayiek6 | {
"description": "wanting to accept a job offer for a big opportunity and leaving my friends company",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to accept a job offer for a big opportunity and leaving my friends company? | **Backstory:**
I startet and finished a apprenticeship as a system engineer, did my mandatory military service an then worked until 2017. In 2017 I quit my job and did a one year fulltime school (Maturitiy / Maturité) that I can start studying. During this time I started working as a freelancer for a former co-worker that started his own business. When I was finished with school I startet studying fulltime and also worked 40% part-time for him. In this winter I decided I miss my freetime and changed to part-time studying. I currently work 60%.
Important during all this time I am employed as a freelancer with a notice period of two months. (two months are mandatory in my country) If there is no work he's not obligated to pay me anything, I work per hour. I never worried about that since I always had enough work.
​
**Today:**
Through a coleague from University I got a really good job offer. Better pay, paid trainings for tens of thousands of dollars and it is a dream job from the tasks. It sounds really great. I really want that job, but also don't want to destroy my bosses business.
I just landed and startet a Project worth 80 grand. That the company only got because of me. I told him if I took the offer I would finish the project and create a perfect documentation that when I'm gone someone can take over. I always put the company first I worked on weekends, evenings no matter what. The main thing was that the customer was happy. I will also miss one week of lectures, because I will work one week on the project on the other side of the planet, with jetlag and everything.
In the "talk" about my idea to leave he got really mad and came on a personal level and gave me a guilty conscience. My boss told me he thought I would help him build up his company, to what I never accepted or signed anything. I mean I love what I do and do a goddamn good job. But I always saw me as a salaried. I don't own any parts of the company. Even in this big project he presented himself as the main character to the customer. As if he did all the planning, preparation and hard work. All my other Projects are really good documented with a couple of weeks someone can take my job over. I even asked the new possible employer if he could wait until august that I can learn in a new person for my job. Further he told me it's unfair that I leave and let him hanging. I give him goddamn 5 months to find someone.
My boss and I always had a really good time during work. I would even call him a good work friend.
He told me I could leave but he would never forgive me for the betrayal.
​
I talked with my two best friends about that. Both told me that I'm not an asshole for wanting to take the opportunity and should leave if I wanted to.
Are they right? What do you think?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FiwXt0JenHqbMopHgDjfuSJ2R03ckpop | aa46bc | {
"description": "being mean to my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Being mean to my cousin ? | Hello there this just happened yesterday and it should be solved tomorrow
​
So to introduce this you'll have to know that i'm usually a pretty chill guy but who is going trough some stuff right now and i sometimes feel like i'm on the verge to explode, the other thing you must know is my cousin:
​
He's an asshole to be short, he's 15 years old he skipped two months of school this year because he would go out doing god knows what and in the last year he generally was a prick to his mom not listening to her and always making her worry by going out and coming late ( She sadly can't know where he goes because she works all day and cannot stay behind his back all day ) .
Me and him have just a weird "relationship" were we both kinda hate each other , i started seeing him as a prick because when he went to my home and i wasn't there he kept stealing my shit (VideoGames;Books and other thing ) , i don't usually get mad at this this because i don't care much , i only hate this because he keeps taking stuff he could just ask for. His mother after 2 years of being alone and not being able to make him go to school or other stuff has decided he would just go live with his father but said to him that he would pass this christmas with her and her family, problem is i wasn't home this time for christmas because of some problems so i told my mother to just put all my stuff in my room and close the door which she forgot to do.
Yesterday i got a message from his mother which had a 3ds and a bunch of games, she just wanted to know if those thing were mine because she never saw him having those and i'm not sure why i just exploded with anger not for the stupid thing he stole but because he did it again just like that so i decided to give him a call:
​
" We both know what you did "
"Oh hello to you too "
" I know you stole again my shit and tomorrow i'm going to your house and i will take my stuff "
"You are forgetting that this is mine and not yours i just left it at your home 2 years ago" (Obvs Lie )
"Even if you were right why the fuck did you steal the games too ?"
"Because i had to play with something ahaha ?"
​
then i just got so mad i replied to him :"I'm going to check if you stole something else and god help because you if you fucking took another thing you'll fucking see tomorrow what i'll do"
​
Then he stayed silent for some second and said he didn't take anything else , my mother having heard the conversation said that he's still kinda young and that i shouldn't have talked to him like that.
i do agree i was to mean but he's old enough to know he just shouldn't take this stuff without saying anything and saying that it's his stuff to everyone , tomorrow i'll go to him and i will update the post if anything happens
​
Sorry for any grammar mistake | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uSRQ4OGHva2AfHkHgJsDCO88tUjpp3eL | aalude | {
"description": "not wanting to babysit my brother's kid and critiquing his parenting",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for not wanting to babysit my brother's kid and critiquing his parenting | So, my brother has a kid, he's 12 and kind of a spoiled brat. I love him because he's my nephew, but i don't want to babysit him. I'll get into why.
Last weekend, my brother had to do Christmas shopping, so he sent him to stay with me for the night. He had to wrap gifts and his son was always snooping.
I have never babysat him before, or really spend long preriods of time with him. But He was absolutely unruly. I had housework to do and everything and he kept bugging me, about wanting to go out to eat. I tried to fix him something at my house but he made fun of my cooking, he spit it out and fed it to the cat. He screamed at me for 20 minutes to take him out to eat. My son had enough and just begged me to "Take him to dinner, he's not gonna shut up until he gets what he wants".
So, i did. I just gave in. But he wouldn't tell me where he wanted to eat at. I drove past all these restaurants, but nothing interested him. So i begged him to tell me where he wanted to eat at, he eventually just blurted out this restaurant that's really expensive, i tried to tell him otherwise and we could go to a McDonald's or something, but he started kicking the floor of my car, screaming that he wanted food from this place. I got him his food, he ordered over 10 dollars worth of crap and when we sit down to eat, he eats about half of it and then complains that he ordered the wrong one. He wanted the spicy flavored food, not the regular. So, he threw another tantrum in the store, and i got it for him. He ate some of that, but threw the rest away.
Before we left, i bought something for my kids and on the way home. He ate 10 bucks worth of food, and when i look in the backseat, he's done chowed down on the food i bought for my kids too. So, we passed a Gamestop on the way home, and he asked me to stop. I said no and he threw another tantrum, i stood my ground but then he started throwing stuff out the window. I just did it, i had enough. I went to gamestop. But, evidently that was wrong too. He wanted a game called Battlefield, but they didn't have it. He started whining about that, even though there were hundreds of video games in that place, nothing there interested him. So, he threw another tantrum, he fell to the floor and started screaming "I want battlefield!"
So, i went up to the counter and asked "Please, for the love of God, do you have Battlefield in the back or something?", they actually did. He got me a copy and i paid for it and we left. On the way out, i bumped into an old friend of mine. I tried talking to them, but he kept pulling my arm, and he even grabbed pebbles off the ground and started throwing them at me.
We got back in the car and he had annother problem. Apparently i got the wrong version of Battlefield, he threw the game on the floor of my car. At this point i had enough, so i took him back to his father. But when i got there, he wasn't even wrapping anything. He was on the couch in his underwear, drinking a glass of wine. He got mad at me because i brought him back early.
The first thing the kid did when he got was take out the battlefield game and show it to his dad. "Hey dad, look what uncle joe got me! Haha!" and he went in his room. My brother started yelling at me, he said he couldn't have that game because it was too violent.
I tried telling him about the damage his kid had done and he just said "Oh boys will be boys", i tried telling him he was an awful parent since his kids that bad.
Yesterday, he asked me to watch him again. I started shouting "Hell no! I will never babysit your little demon again!" I told him he needs to get him checked. Then we had a big argument, he brought up all the things i've done bad as a parent and how my kids turned out.
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with that kid? That is not normal.
So, am i the asshole here? Was i wrong to criticize by brother's parenting and not wanting to deal with his child? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
v871KWih25hp2LIted3Hbd8KNx3azgCq | a1dv4l | {
"description": "not hanging out with my friend on her actual birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not hanging out with my friend on her actual birthday | Let me start off by saying my birthday was about two months ago. The friend I'm talking about in this post surprised me on my actual birthday by coming to my house before I came home from school and having balloons and cake ready. Today is her birthday. This week, I work 3-6 pm everyday. On Monday, I asked her to grab food with me before I go to work and she kind of just brushed the idea off so I said another day. I asked her to hang out on Tuesday and she said she had work all day. I told her she gets off at like 7 latest so we could hang out after and she said she'll let me know. She never got back to me. Last night, I texted her and asked if we can hang out on Thursday. I don't work Thursday so I planned on buying tickets to take her somewhere she's been wanting to go as a surprise. She left me on read so I texted her the same question this morning and asking why she didn't reply and she texted back saying "I just woke up". No answer about Thursday again. Today (her actual birthday) didn't cross my mind because I have an essay to finish by tomorrow. I finished work at 6 and my boyfriends house is on the way from my job to my house (hers isn't) so I stopped by. I came back to my phone with an angry message from her calling me a shitty friend and person who only cares about her boyfriend since I was with him today and not her. She knew I was at my boyfriends house because we share locations with eachother and she was checking mine. I literally asked her multiple times this week to spend time with her and I asked about Thursday twice because I wanted to surprise her with the tickets but I stopped trying after she didn't respond to me twice. She gave me so much attitude about me and called me names. Am I wrong here? I'm really sick of her attitude and how she approaches me and never takes a second to sit there and think "hmm maybe I was wrong too". She just immediately attacks me and then doesn't reply when I make some kind of valid point. What do I do? Am I wrong? I only swung by my boyfriends because it was on the way. I think we're old enough where we realize we don't have to see eachothers exactly the day of our birthdays.
Edit: I also want to add that I couldn't surprise her the same way she surprised me on my birthday because I worked today and she didn't so there was no way I could have been in her house while she wasn't.
TL;DR I asked my friend to hang out multiple times this week and she either didn't reply or declined. I swung by my bf's house today after work (it's also her bday) since it's on the way and she blew up on me calling me a shitty friend. AM I WRONG? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GFr6iYAr8sGOc8nuTXZh2dEqBughLeEY | b8kbbc | {
"description": "not wanting to interact with this disabled boy at my college",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to interact with this disabled boy at my college? | I'm at college studying general beauty and one of our tasks was to do face painting on a client. Our teacher invited a class to be our clients so people who couldn't find anyone could get the work done (cause we can't do these assignments on each other). The class was for people with disabilities; which was fine. I was more interested in getting the work done. My teacher assigned this boy to me.
I always got anxiety when doing a treatment on a client cause I get worried that I'll fuck up (I even get it when doing treatments on family members and loved ones). It was kicking in alot with this particular client as he kept talking to me but I did what I needed to do and that was the end of that. Not.
The boy started out by saying hi to me when he would see me. Fair enough. But then it boiled down to him following me which happened today.
I was chilling with my friends after coming back from English. I saw the guy on the way. He said Hi and I said it back. All was fine. But then, as I went outside, he followed and stood behind me. I thought it could have been a coincidence. Maybe he wanted to go outside. I decided to go stand outside my friend's classroom cause it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. We stood there and a few minutes later he stood at the end of the corridor peaking round the corner looking at me. It freaked me the fuck out to say the least. I was going home anyway so I decided to wait outside. And of course he followed me to the courtyard and said bye.
You could argue "he has a disability" or "he just wants to be your friend". That's reasonable. But I don't have an interest in being his friend. I keep my friend circle small and don't trust many people. Frankly, following me and being creepy is not going to make me want to be your friend. It's gonna scare me off.
I'm also worried that this guy has no boundaries and doesn't understand what is appropriate or not which scares me even more. If I did choose to be his friend, would he even be capable of respecting my boundaries. I don't want to take that risk in case it's the latter.
So reddit AITA for not wanting to interact or be friends with this boy? I also want to mention I have nothing against disabled people as I have a mental disability myself (it's not noticable however). I'm just concerned based of the behaviour that's been shown by this individual already. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cS3yE3lfA2cKOdArS3DEIy9J7n1HVaBp | arh4k1 | null | AITA or is my mom wrong to call us ungrateful? | So my friend and I went with my mom to New Orleans, thinking this was going to be a trip, just us three. Well, she invited her boss and we were forced to hang out/go to dinner with them. It was nice because they paid, but my friend and I are both in are both in our early twenties, and the plan was that my mom would turn in early and we would have a few drinks, go to bars/clubs, party, and have a good time. But we can’t do that if my mom’s boss is there. . .
Since she’s there, we can’t drink, we can’t dance, we can’t have a good time. They spent the whole day talking about how naked and ridiculous everyone else looks!! We wanted to be those ridiculous people!!
My mom just keeps going, “you’re so ungrateful. They payed for your dinner and have been kind to you and this is how you react.” Are you serious???? WE DIDN’T ASK FOR THEM TO PAY OUT DINNER WE JUST WANTED TO HAVE A FUN TRIP
My friend works two jobs. I work a full time job and I’m in medschool. This was our only break off, and it’s really upsetting that we had things we wanted to do but had to go completely PG because my mom randomly invited her boss
Speaking of which, she said she had no clue that her boss was going to be in New Orleans the exact same times we were, which is total bullshit. She definitely planned this and didn’t tell me or my friend. Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P7ZUZF4W3G8LYdjCFngcmQkI9AEygX9N | aoplcj | {
"description": "refusing to tell my so something I was told not to tell anyone about",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Refusing to Tell My SO Something I Was Told Not to Tell Anyone About? | I'm about to begin working on a software which is under an NDA. I haven't yet signed an NDA, myself, but someone who did told me secret information in good faith that I wouldn't tell anyone and would soon sign the NDA anyway.
​
I think the best thing is to keep my mouth shut and not tell *anyone*. Not my parents, friends, SO, the internet, nobody. This is the best way to protect myself, as well as the person who technically broke their NDA to tell me.
My SO thinks because it's common for SO's to hear this sort of info (as long as the SO doesn't tell anyone else), that because I won't tell SO what I'm going to work on, I must not trust SO.
​
I think my SO has a point in that I've heard many people break NDAs to tell their spouse what they work on (maybe just a bit, but still). It can be hard to keep secrets about your job and not be able to talk with even your SO about it. There's also the matter that I haven't actually signed anything yet. Still, IMO, I think my SO is being unfair by *expecting* me to willing give up the info. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lQhdxN3oOZ7ps5ag1VjRgXSJagNTMF39 | as2lu5 | {
"description": "being kind of stict on how to pronounce my name",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For being kind of stict on how to pronounce my name? | My name isn't easy for most people to pronounce. Its Usmaan btw. As you can guess a lot of people arent that great at pronouncing it. I never thought of it as a big deal til recently. Idk what but i just got tired of people saying it wrong (pronounced - us-mon. People usually say us-man or oos-mon) so i began to correct people again. I guess it can get a little annoying when im correcting you for the third time but im just a little tired of people saying it wrong. Is this dickish of me? To get annoyed lr even angry that people mis-pronounce my name? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
hww6WsxBZ89a9KyTGxFDppGp1NR1PIZr | a4ogug | {
"description": "leaving my friend far from home",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for leaving my friend far from home | Me and my friend went for a meal in a different town and the day went quite well.
Before we began to go home, he started rolling a joint. I don't like that kind of stuff so I asked him to wait until we get home to do it, he then says he needs a "fucking joint". He lit it and I couldn't bare the smell so I went to my car and drove off.
We were quite far from home and he's not the best with money (his balance is usually £100) so he's mad at me because he had to spend £80 for a taxi home.
I'm a relatively new driver so I didn't want to lose my license plus I can't stand the smell.
What this mean to leave him there?
TL;DR: I asked my friend to avoid drugs on a day out, he proceeds to do it so I leave him stranded forcing him to pay £80 to get home. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
d5QFoFZpU9CnVqYo8kJ9HvPDlm0yEG5F | b8t9e7 | {
"description": "expecting my girlfriend to shoulder most of our family's finances since she makes more money than I do",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for expecting my girlfriend to shoulder most of our family’s finances since she makes more money than I do? | I’ve been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for almost 5 years. We have a daughter together; she turns 2 on Saturday. I got fired from my technology sales position on Monday for inadequate performance (despite me making a sale last week, but whatever). I have always struggled with my finances and I never graduated from college.
My girlfriend makes me feel like a burden. She’s a doctor and makes about 25% more than I did at my most recent job. Some months I wasn’t able to contribute to the mortgage- I had a lot of debt from my failed attempt at college and young, dumb mistakes with credit cards. My credit was shit so the mortgage was in her name, and she put in the entirety of the downpayment initially, but I have given about $5000 since then (out of $31K). She’ll say things like “my house,” and it really gets to me.
Since I lost my job yesterday, my girlfriend has been so much worse. She had told me to look for another job because I hadn’t made a sale since I was hired in October, and sure, I probably should’ve listened. However, we’re in the situation we’re in now, and I have interviews and stuff lined up. Anyway, tonight she came home from work around 8:30 and freaked out because I hadn’t cleaned the house like she had asked earlier. I explained that I was very busy sending out my resume, setting up interviews, and taking care of our daughter, but she was beyond reason. She told me that she’s going to consider EVICTING me if I can’t “contribute” at all and said she wanted to put a fucking parental control code ok our TV. She says I’m already “behind” on mortgage payments, to which I responded that I think paid a fair percentage based on the difference in our incomes. That set her off, and I’m currently banished to the guest bedroom.
I’m looking for a new job, it’s not like I don’t want to contribute. Am I really the asshole for paying less toward our mortgage if she makes so much more money? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
x17dZ2T44kpLPTaEZXfoC6BSl8GC1PrU | 9yrhlo | {
"description": "blaming and hating my father for my mother's passing",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - for blaming and hating my father for my mother’s passing. | A few months before she passed away, my mother and father were planning on possibly getting a divorce. My mother had suspicion that my father was cheating on her because he started hanging out at the neighbors house a lot. At first it was for about 30 minutes to an hour, then his time over there grew longer and longer. (Our neighbor was a single lady with kids btw) then it got to the point he would come home drunk or either high at like 3am and complain about how shitty he was feeling. My mother was the sweetest person in the world and had always put up with my father. Me and her did some snooping and we found out he did have an affair with that lady. My mother was heart broken. She confronted my father and he told her that he loves them both and doesn’t want to get a divorce because they have been married so long. I was so pissed off when I heard this. At that point I tried to distance myself from my father and wanted to be there for my mother. They lived in silence and awkwardness for a few months. He continued to go over there. I feel like my mother became desperate for love and attention and that’s when she decided to join a dating app and meet people. She met a guy that lived about 2 hours away. She would drive there to visit him sometimes, he would never come here. When she told me I was kind of worried for her and suggest that he should come here and meet us sometime. But she looked so happy and so I was happy for her. At this point I still tried to cut the relationship with my father off even more. One day when she was driving to visit him. My mother was in a car accident, and passed away. I was playing video games in my room when my father stopped in my doorway in shock and started crying. I had never seen my dad cry. I got up and I asked what was wrong, he just kept telling me I’m so sorry. When I walked out of my room I saw 3 men standing there. Two cops and a counselor type person. I didn’t cry at first, I just had this bitter hatred in my mind and the only thing I kept thinking about was “if only he didn’t cheat she would of never left.” Eventually, I did cry. Moving on a few weeks after that, I was jobless at the time and my father wanted me to start paying rent, he knew I didn’t have a job but I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I used my credit card for a lot of stuff and racked up some debt because of him. I cried everyday for weeks over my mother. One day my mind wasn’t as clouded and I was enjoying a round of games with my friends, they knew what happened and tried to cheer me up always. My dad heard me laughing and came in and tried to ruin my laptop by dumping his tea all over it. He slammed his hand on my table and told me I never respect him and neither did my mother. He wanted me out of the house and pretty much kicked me out. Luckily my sister was moving at the same time and offered for me to live at her place. When I moved I told myself I would never go back to him. He texted me a very late happy birthday once, sometimes a I’m sorry, then he just got colder towards me and one day told me he will never help me with anything again. I didn’t reply to it. He was never a good father to me. But I’ve been told I should forgive him and reconnect our relationship.
TLDR; Am I the asshole for giving up on my father because I blame him for my mother’s passing away? And not forgiving him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Hc9FpXq6NNl2cBEW6BMSKqkUZNdwZpo3 | aymt7v | {
"description": "wanting to ask my current roommate to move out by the end of the month",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to ask my current roommate to move out by the end of the month? | (On mobile, sorry in advance) tldr at bottom
My current roommate (f18) and I (f24) moved into an apartment together in December. I only said yes to letting her move in with me because I thought it would be a good experience for her entering adulthood and it would also help with bills for a bit (this is my first apartment after leaving my ex, so I had no furniture and wanted to buy some with the extra money I was saving having a RM.)
We split everything 50/50, we discussed how things would get done around the house (like chores and such) and privacy things (letting the other person know if we are inviting people over, ect). So far she hasnt done any of her half of the chores, and has brought people over all hours of the night. I did Express to her multiple times that we had talked about and agreed upon house rules and she wasnt following them. She usually plays the victim role and apologizes a lot, then saying she'll never do it again but did it again anyways.
We've lived in this apartment for just about 12 weeks now, and shes only stayed here maybe 5 weeks out of 12. I believe it's because I told her no booze/partying allowed (because shes only 18 and I'm 24 so I would get slapped with a heavy fine if the cops showed up.)
After talking to a mutual friend about this, they told me that my RM said she hates living here and she wishes she never moved in, but RM tells me to my face that she loves living here and it's so nice.
Tldr; Helped out a friend by getting an apartment with her, only to have her not help out when shes suppose to. AITA for wanting to ask her to move out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
xzFqImPW5OBVafDn39NAXVjgeWNbKRsO | akykpu | {
"description": "wanting to move in with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to move in with my dad? | I’ve wanted to move in with by dad for a while now after I found out my mum is pregnant. I am much to old to be having another sibling and I know that if I continue living here, many parental responsibilities will be put into me. This happened with my younger sister.
On top of that, I really do not like the baby’s father. We fell out not long ago because he has some tendencies that my sister’s abusive father had. ( The baby’s dad is not abusive and has been a great father figure to my sister but the way he acts sometimes really upsets me ).
I get along with my dad and his wife very well. My stepbrother and I are the same age so we get along alright but he’s usually in his room so I don’t see him much. Being at my dad’s house is a lot more peaceful and stress free than being at my mum’s house. I think, especially since I’m taking my GCSEs in May/June time, it would be a much better household for me to be in.
I’m not old enough to move out on my own yet so I proposed the idea that I move in with my dad but every time I bring it up, my mum gets really upset and makes me feel like an asshole about it.
So am I the asshole or does it make sense that I want to move out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5XZIGS7o3MdfLTUJow8yOcyDdj9fiJyW | a6e40o | {
"description": "expecting more than one post every 10 minutes when there's 2,000 of you fucks lurking",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for expecting more than one post every 10 minutes when there's 2,000 of you fucks lurking?? | Jesus Christ Reddit I just want to judge you people get posting please | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
nzDHrTLrmUu0NSKUTRwtZZwWWq15s9Xg | a7sm17 | {
"description": "not coming out to my friend",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not coming out to my friend | I’ve known that I was bisexual for a pretty long time and as much as I do support the LGBT+ community, I have a really hard time being proud of who I am. I always felt really uncomfortable about the fact that I’m attracted to girls.
I told a couple of my close friends, three of them were queer themselves and one because I trusted her so much. I didn’t tell this particular friend because I was afraid that she might judge me and because I don’t entirely trust her.
In the past, she has told me a bunch of secrets about other friends that I probably shouldn’t have known about. She didn’t think it was a big deal for her to tell me as long as the other friend didn’t find out. This made me really not want to tell her anything because I feared that she would do the same thing to me.
I am terrified of people finding out that I’m bi even though I live in a pretty progressive area. Everyone is accepting of it but every queer person that is out has their sexuality be their identity. Like this one ace guy at school isn’t made fun of for being ace but that’s definitely what he’s known for even though he doesn’t make a big deal of that. I don’t just want to be thought of in my friend group as the bi gal.
When I finally told my friend it was because she had jokingly asked if I was bi and without thinking I just said yes. She was very supportive of me and told me it was super cool. I felt really good about myself and I was thinking about how silly it was to not have told her sooner.
Fast forward a couple of months and she knows that I told a bunch of my other friends before her. She is now being super passive aggressive and bringing it up into a lot of conversations and basically just calling me a bad friend for not telling her. She got super angry at me when I told her about one of my friends I had told first (who is a bisexual guy) because we weren’t as close as I was with her. AITA for not telling her sooner? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
U1QurBKZ1RAmuhjkkjb44pgqnuDqUZ5q | al6igx | {
"description": "shutting off a form and creating a new document",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for shutting off a form and creating a new document | Hey!
So, I'm in high school and I run a club along with another person who we'll call D. This club has a subcommittee which is run by N and M. The club handles a school-wide competition of sorts, and everyone in my grade is involved in this nomination and voting process. We have some reservations about N and M running it, but we leave them to it. We ask them to send us the final voting form before they send it out, and they don't do so.
Immediately, we see some discrepancies in the form. More specifically, there was a category that we agreed to take out because it would be incredibly controversial that they put back in by themselves and also generated all of the nominations in that category by themselves (all other nominations were created by the student body), and they took out a category that we agreed to include and refused to tell us why they did. We tell them that we removed the controversial one, but then D and I examine the form even more closely and discover that there were serious problems with who was nominated. Firstly, we always email the people on the form to determine if they were comfortable with their nomination. This did not happen, and a lot of people were upset that they were nominated into specific categories that they were explicitly not comfortable with. Secondly, there were people with many nominations that were outright left out of the form which wasn't fair to them. Thirdly, the majority of the people on the form were in the friend group of N and M. This, coupled with the fact that multiple people came to us and said that both N and M were bragging amongst themselves about rigging the form during multiple classes, made us very wary of what they had made.
Due to all of the problems with the form, we shut it off because it was too problematic to keep it open, and we also didn't trust the both of them to deal with the form in an unbiased way - especially because both of them have a history of behavior like this. We work to recount the nominations and drop all of the recounted numbers in a shared document. On the top, there's a paragraph outlining the methodology of how we made the form.
N and M see this and get very mad. They say we need to meet after school on a day to discuss. We were initially going to talk to them about it after the weekend, but we figured it couldn't hurt to discuss it at that point. So, they start getting mad at us for not telling them about how we closed the form, how it hurt that we recounted all of the numbers, and how we supposedly are "making up rumors about them". We explained the reason why we did everything that we did, but they wouldn't budge.
AITA for shutting off this form and recounting the numbers in a new document? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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i0WdhXPeN6OZBtPOEK7pgNKVNys9RDod | 9ylxv9 | {
"description": "not disclosing my HSV2 status weeks in advance",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not disclosing my HSV2 status weeks in advance? | Alright so I unfortunately got diagnosed with Genital HSV2 a while back.
Since then I’ve had some conflicting test results but I’ve decided to just tell everyone I have sex with that I’m 100% sure I have HSV2 and to give them all the statistics on transmission and testing before we have sex.
I think it’s the right thing to do.
Here is the issue:
This guy (K) and I had hooked up at a work function about 6 months prior to me getting HSV2. It wasn’t planned and just happened. After that we didn’t really keep talking besides causal conversations because he lives on the other side of the country from me.
In August we had another work function and he was texting me and was being somewhat flirty. He never said outright he wanted to have sex again and at the time I was seeing someone. So I didn’t think I needed to disclose my HSV2 status to him. There is a lot of stigma around it and I didn’t want to deal with anxiety of a disclosure to someone I didn’t think I would sleep with again.
My Bf and I ended up not working out so when 3 weeks later we had another work function I ended up seeing K again.
He walked into my room and started kissing me and I informed him we needed to talk about something if he wanted to have sex. He agreed and said we would talk later.
Later that evening he came down to my room and immediately started trying to take me clothes off. I stopped him, made sure we were both fully dressed and then launched into my disclosure speech.
I covered the fact that I have HSV2, where I have it, the fact that I’m on daily viral suppression medicine, transmission rates for sex while wearing a condom and then spent another 30 minutes answering all of the questions he had.
I informed him that if he didn’t want to decide tonite that there was no pressure and that he could and should take as long to think about it as he needed.
He ended up saying he didn’t care and still wanted to have sex. I had to provide the condoms (which isn’t an issue) but he hadn’t brought any with him under the assumption that I would be okay with having unprotected sex. The last time we slept together we used condoms.
We had sex 3 times over the course of the 1 week where we had the work function. I made sure he was cool with things and he again reassured me that he was okay with his decision.
Then fast forward to the last week in October when he is texting me. He then goes on to say that it wasn’t cool that I didn’t tell him multiple weeks before hand about my HSV2 status and that if he had more time he wouldn’t have chosen to sleep with me.
AITA? I thought I did everything right and his behavior really wasn’t indicative of him wanting to sleep with me and I was dating someone when we talked. So it wasn’t necessary for him to know at the time. Idk Reddit I’m really torn up about this.. | HISTORICAL | {
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uELdGD7LG7ila2HYpLRHQGf43CVTvRCN | avmx1e | {
"description": "calling out my husband's actions",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for calling out my husband's actions? | Tonight my son (4 years old) decided he did not want to give anyone a hug and a kiss at bedtime. Normally he hugs everyone in the house (including the cats) but tonight I think he was pouting because he wanted to continue reading books when I said we were done.
My husband asked for a hug and my son said no. My husband sat on the floor and put his head in his hands. I hustled my son into his room and as I asked if he wanted tucked in my husband made sad sounds.
I closed the door and then told my husband that what he was doing was emotionally manipulating our son and that it was not ok. I said that son was allowed to not give hugs and kisses. I said that son is not responsible for husband's emotions. Husband said that son can choose not to give hugs and kisses but that he was affecting husband and that husband would have reactions to this.
I repeated again that husband was emotionally manipulating son and that it was not ok. Husband told me that I was emotionally manipulating husband by trying to change him. I walked away.
Was I completely wrong? I tend to be a bit overprotective and sometimes I have a hard time stepping back to let husband parent by himself. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
m41anicAftYy7Lu9uh1SMSmLfdnY0Cct | b6ij38 | {
"description": "grabbing a cup of coffee when a server didn't want me to",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for grabbing a cup of coffee when a server didn't want me to? | My company is currently running a small week-long conference for about 40 attendees in their late 20s/early 30s. There are four of us staff members running it. Our main location is at a hotel's conference center, where we run sessions in one large room the entire day. We're paying for coffee service from the hotel, having them set up coffee and cups for everyone (attendees + staff) outside the room. We arranged for it to be served at certain break times that we have scheduled throughout each day.
Since there's usually a large rush to the coffee as soon as each break starts, I've been grabbing my coffee during sessions so as to avoid the rush. Today, I went to do so at about 10:55am (the break started at 11:00am). As I was grabbing a cup, a server came up and said I wasn't allowed to take it yet because it wasn't time and she had to finish setting up. I was a little miffed but went back to the room. I assumed she had an issue with it since it wasn't 11:00 yet. So, I went back when it was 11:00 to get it (the session was running late so the attendees hadn't started coming out for break yet). Everything was entirely set up. The server wasn't there, and I started grabbing a cup, when she showed up again and gave me a very disapproving look. I showed her what time it was and said that we had ordered it for 11:00. She said "no, you have to take it when everyone else does. Everyone has to get it at the same time." I thought maybe she thought I was an attendee so I said that I wasn't, that I was one of the staff members and we were the ones who ordered the coffee. I then walked off with my cup.
I was really annoyed that she was trying to prevent me from taking some of the coffee that my team had ordered. But after a little while I suddenly felt like maybe I was an asshole for doing it against her wishes. So, Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
kH80lfhH4tEZTIigvU4ZrjOUGvhuApEv | ap2tsa | {
"description": "giving a discord server away once I realized it wasn't fun for me anymore",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for giving a discord server away once I realized it wasn't fun for me anymore? | A while back I was part of a writing forum that became pretty toxic with some cliques going after random people and harrassing them, using slurs, and degrading people not just because of their writing but inane things like their slang.
I got sick of it and left and decided to make my own forum and discord that had stricter anti-bullying rules.
A couple friends joined me and helped me create the idea of it. I created the forum, the discord, did 90% of the work for it, domain name, and even paid someone for a custom theme(which if you know web design, you know cost me a good couple hundred $'s) and made them admins and mods with me. We then began inviting other people to the discord first (particularly people who were upset with the other forum) expressing it was a much healthier place to write, and any bullying would be strictly enacted upon.
Everything was great, until I noticed people were only joining the discord server, not the forum, and were only doing so to vent about the old forum.
I let it go at first because it made sense for people to vent out their frustrations and get rid of their baggage before starting fresh at the new forum. But nobody was doing that. There were even a few people who joined the discord that hadn't even been part of the old forum, and after hearing of all the drama, decided to join that one instead of the one I'd created.
At this point I was getting pretty upset with the matter of things, especially since I was expected to listen to people's problems (not just forum related) without complaint, but when it came to me wanting to vent people would express their discomfort or just make jokes at my expense.
My depression and anxiety was already getting pretty bad in its own, but adding to the fact that I went through the, time, effort and financial expense of making a new forum, only for people to just brush it off like "oh cool new.forum but I like this place that makes me miserable better" made me feel really unappreciated. My roommate had already noticed I was doing badly, and suggested I take a break from discord and forums in general and, so I announced my hiatus, and logged out for about a couple of weeks. In those weeks I realized I wasn't getting anything out of the new discord and that it had just become an extension of the old toxic forum.
I announced I was leaving for good and giving up the discord, and gave the discord not to one of the people who had "helped" me make it, but to the admin that I had known the longest and knew would be the most unbiased and fair, then left..
Immediately, one of my friends who had "started the discord with me" started dm-ing me and yelling that I was a bitch and a disgusting person and that I should have given the forum to then or the other person that I typically wrote with. I was shocked but I told them I didn't think I had anything to apologize for, and that I'd chosen the most temporate person in the discord to take over.
Another friend came at me, implied I didn't care about the friendship and insisted I apologize to everyone even after I explained myself and why I'd left. Later they admitted they'd been emotional at the time, but didn't apologize. I admitted that I still wanted to be friends but it would be hard for me to trust them after they had turned on me so easily at my lowest moment. They then implied I was similar to a toxic friend of theirs and said they weren't going to beg for friendship.
TLDR= left a toxic forum with a couple friends. Made a new forum and discord, spent time and money on it. People started using it as a complaint area instead of what the discord was for, so I gave discord ownership to someone who wasn't those friends but I believe was a better fit for owner. Said friends then yelled and accused me of being a bad friend.
So the question is: Am I the asshole for starting a forum and discord with some friends, doing most of the work, and when I stopped enjoying it, giving ownership of the discord to someone else? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
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s2fVuzvtXtEAMzVUEcYk7xKGQ9YLueBL | akr94r | null | AITA in this work place dispute | Long one because I wanted to detail as much as possible, sorry in advance.
Little bit of background: I work as a store manager in a retail store. I have been a store manager for various companies for over 12 years now and have to had issues at any of my places of work. I usually become friends with everyone and enjoy working I love working, I love making people feel like coming to work, enjoying it and looking forward to it.
I found out in late December that my assistant store manager was getting promoted to store manager of his own store. I was beyond excited and happy for him, he works his butt of and deserves it. This caused one issue though: during the winters my company usually only runs with a store manager and assistant store manager, we hire people around February/March and let them go around October. Very seasonal. So because of this promotion, I was going to be working by myself.
I was told that one slower store was going to be sending me help twice a week. Instead of having double coverage that day, the SM would do open to close, which isn't hard because they get 2-3 people a day during an 8-9 hour shift. Plus, their ASM lives right by my store so it's a better drive for them anyways. 5 inutes compared to 45. I call them and discuss it, they're not sure what days and are a newer store manager so I talked it through with them "you're taking Sunday and Mondays off, we have ASM trainings on Tuesdays and this person needs Thursdays off, so why don't we do this: Tuesday they go to training, Wednesday and Thursday off, work my store Friday and Saturday, work your store Sunday and Monday so you can have your days off."
They said they would talk to the asm and then get back to me. Called me later that day "yeah she refuses to work there Friday and Saturday because she wants to be at her home store, so we are going to do Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I point out the ASM trainings would get in the way, she says they won't.
That week, Tuesday the asm can't make it because of training. Then they call Monday and let me know that they have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and can only work a half day, then calls back to say they can't work it at all. I scramble and am able to get another store to help out, but have to buy them lunch.
The next week they announce to me they can't help because the store manager has to do inventory on Tuesday and Wednesday. I point out again, maybe we should switch the days because it doesn't seem to be working. "nope, this is an anomaly, it'll work out"
It happens yet again this week. Asm training so can't do Tuesday, something came up on Wednesday. I express my frustrations as calmly as possible and say that if we just went with my schedule we would be fine. "I'm not trying to tell you how to manager bu-" "well it sure seems like you are. You're really ungrateful and I can't make everyone happy"
At this point, I point out
"hey, I'm not ungrateful, it's just really hard to deal with this when I'm getting told last minute that I'm not getting coverage and it's been happening every single week"
"oh so I haven't helped you?"
".....no. You haven't. You haven't covered a single day off when you were supposed to"
"Well I can't please everyone."
"I understand that and I'm not saying you should, I'm saying that if you aren't going to be able to help me, give me some notice and maybe contact our boss so I can get some help"
I end the call because I realize I've started to raise my voice. I tell them "Im not mad at you or upset with you, I'm frustrated with the situation and how there seems to be a very easy solution but we aren't going for it. I'm going to let you go, let me know when you can help me."
After this, the manager calls back a bunch of times and keeps apologizing, I keep saying "I'm not mad or upset with you, I just want a solution to the answer and you were supposed to help. If you can't, I understand, just let our boss know so I can get help"
After the first week of issues I even had asked my boss if I could work 6 days a week, just to make it easier on us. He said "as long as you're okay with it" and I replied with "hey I would work 7 if you would let me" "well you can't do that but I appreciate you trying to make it as easy as possible"
This is now the next week, I haven't heard anything about when I'm getting coverage except that this manager called our boss and said they couldn't help. I called my boss this morning and said "hey, just calling to see if we had heard about what day I'm getting coverage yet"
I was met with "hey I wanted to talk to you about that. Manager called and was pretty upset over your conversation. You were pretty aggressive and non sensitive to the fact that they are emotional and hate when they can't help. You need to get better at that and mature as a store manager because that is unacceptable. They've been in bad situations where they wanted to help but couldn't. "
I tried to tell my side of it and got interrupted with "hey, I'm not mad at you, you just handled this wrong and going forward you need to see that."
I was quiet for the rest of the call because it felt like anything I would say would just come off bad. At the end he said "I need you to talk with Manager and figure out what days you're getting help. Obviously Tuesday doesn't work so let's change that day"
I mention that it's that very subject that started this and they're insisting on doing it that day. "Well then you need you to call every other manager and get their schedules and see what day they can help. If not figure out why and what their people are doing on their off days, call all 18 stores and get back to me."
Am I the asshole here? I gave up my ASM willingly, suggested going down to 1 day off at my own expense, to help the other store manager out. When I felt that I was raising my voice, I stopped, let the person know I wasn't mad or upset with them and got off the phone. I feel like I handled it as well as possible but I feel as though I'm getting the short end of the stick and being pretty damn okay with it.
Obviously I might have been more aggressive on the phone than I felt I was, but I feel like I wasn't and I'm usually pretty good at knowing when I am. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uASXnCYHzy3B5ElrT9ZXIuaketcebLQl | 9y603a | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend not to tailgate on the highway",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For asking my girlfriend not to tailgate on the highway? | So my Girlfriend gave me a ride to work last night (I work nights at a hotel) and picked me up at 7 in the morning so I understand that she is tired BUT I don't think that excuses her questionable driving.
On the way home she was driving in the left lane and I pointed out that we were about to miss our exit. In response she says "oh uhhhh" and proceeds to SLAM ON THR BREAKS to a maybe 10 MPH crawl and crosses the 2 lanes of traffic to make the exit. Inside I'm thinking we were going to die but I very calmly ask why she didn't just take the next exit. She responds with "No it's fine, we're fine"
Then on the next road we pulled onto from the exit we took she decides to drive maybe 10 feet away from the car ahead of us (doing 50 in a 55). The following conversation takes place.
Me: Hey could you slow down a bit?
GF: I have someone riding my ass I can't
Me: Yeah but the difference is if you hit the person infront of us we're responsible for the damages, if the guy behind us hits us they're responsible.
She hasn't said a word to me since that conversation and is very visibly irritated. Am I the asshole for asking her to drive safely? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ot3T5EzsyZlWofIE6ia9q8U8l4X127G0 | acu3c1 | {
"description": "trying to assert my worth and my anxieties to my now-ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for trying to assert my worth and my anxieties to my now-ex? |
Thinking about what to write now. I would think that I'm the asshole, but I would try to explain anyway. Keep in mind that every person mentioned is a teenager. So we're all... Kinda dumb and emotional.
So, a few days before New Year's Eve. My then-girlfriend got mad at me for not giving her enough space while I was calling her. Which is fine. I understand this because we had this conversation before. But... Instead of her just telling me she's uncomfortable with calling in the first place, she bottled it up until then. Only to have her sister be the one to aggressively explain that I should've been giving her more space, using my girlfriend's account. My argument was that I would if my girlfriend personally asked in the first place. I apologised and told her that I wanted to hear from my gf herself. After more hurtful lectures, she did. And then she said that she didn't want to talk to me right now. Understandable. I wrote out about how we could prevent this from happening, along with qualms about she had to get her sister to explain like it's her business in an Evernote document. Shared the link with her so she wasn't forced to see it until she felt ready, then left her alone.
Background information: You could say I'm rather clingy. I tend to repeatedly text and sometimes call my girlfriend until I got an answer. They had a point there. I do this since I get lonely pretty easily.
On New Year's I wished her a Happy New Year. No response. Didn't push for one.
I asked for a diagram of something for a writing project I'm doing for her as a Christmas gift, which I decided to continue. She gave it to me.
Next day, we were talking pretty normally about the same writing project. But I when I was about to side-track, she says she's busy. I left her alone.
The next night, Wednesday, I got somewhat lonely and asked if I could say goodnight, then proceeding to say goodnight. No response.
Good morning the next day. Along with mentioning I got a slight confession to make to her. No response.
This alone is pretty okay, I probably would be fine with it. But it's the longest that I've ignored for, so I was worrying.
I came to the conclusion that maybe she was getting tired of me and that she rather be with another guy. She asked a while ago if she could date him, I allowed her. But ever since she got angry with me. I noticed that she had been talking with the other guy more. Every day. I noticed by their offline times that they've been staying up at night talking to each other, every night. I was thinking that maybe there was more to her ignoring me. That there was another reason she wanted space. She only read my own texts when she's online with him too.
Of course, I got jealous. I asked twice Thursday night if she wanted a proper conversation about what happened before. Read. Ignored, talked to the other guy maybe; they were both offline. I called her. She ignored the call. So, I decided to make a long text assuming that she dumped me for the other guy. Since that's the point where I could've been the asshole, here's a link to an Evernote document to what I said exactly.
LINK: [https://www.evernote.com/shard/s707/sh/0a9d1779-cddf-4168-aed6-978c99a95fab/00dc40809356393f00793cff13033c08](https://www.evernote.com/shard/s707/sh/0a9d1779-cddf-4168-aed6-978c99a95fab/00dc40809356393f00793cff13033c08)
So yeah.. I said all of that. Her best friend called me to ask why would I say all of that and hurt her. And... Realizing that I really hurt her, I regretted saying all of that very much. I would love to take back what I said. I tried my best to explain to her best friend that. But, being her best friend, she supported my ex saying that she needs her space. That the other guy can talk to her because she gives her space. But then I kept saying that I would give her that space if she took only a few seconds to respond and say she stills needs some.
Note that I have left her completely alone for 2 days straight, and contacted her to say Happy New Year, and left things short until she was comfortable to discuss my writing. I did give her space. Apparently, it wasn't enough for her.
Yesterday, she called me to say that it was over. We're through. I was hurt, I asked her to reconsider. And.. She and her friends sort of celebrated this break up hours later in a group chat we're all in. A friend of mine kicked me out of the group chat knowing that I would get hurt if I read everything. It just seems like they rid of someone who was a complete pest and were pretty glad to rid of him. Is that how someone should feel after breaking up with someone?
TL;DR: My ex wanted space. I gave her said space. I noticed she was talking to another guy more often while I left her as alone as possible. I then sent a long text accusing her of wanting to be with the other guy, yet I still want to be with her so much. I regretted accusing her. She broke up with me. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
Pj08nQywcAUl1plNVq60J547vlIih8CX | b9ga4v | {
"description": "telling the bride I'm not going to the rehearsal dinner as a bridesmaid",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I told the bride I’m not going to the rehearsal dinner as a bridesmaid? | The bride is my High school best friend of 10+ years and she is getting married after a year of engagement. They are perfect together and honestly couldn’t be happier for them.
She is a nurse who has made significantly more money than I have In my career which is perfectly fine she’s literally saving people for a living. But she doesn’t seem to get how much money we are all putting into her wedding.
Cut to the problem: I’ve spent over $1,000 on festivities and themed clothes for her wedding and just spent an extra unforseen $100 on my bridesmaids dress. I just received the rehearsal dinner invite (4/3) and the dinner is on April 25th and the attire is all white dress code. I do not own anything white and neither does my boyfriend who is also invited.
Sidebar: I have always worn all black almost weirdly and she has always made comments about how I need to branch out over the years. Recently I have worn different colors and for her bachelorette cruise I wore a tropical themed dress and sequin jacket that are both out of my comfort zone but on theme.
So her asking to wear all white is not only shocking but annoying because I will have to buy something for it within 3 weeks and I’m so self conscious in it and she 100% knows it. We have joked about how I probably won’t wear white to my own wedding. So an outfit I will probably never wear again.
WIBTA if I don’t go even though I am a bridesmaid and one of her best friends? I don’t want to spend another dime towards her wedding and I especially don’t want to buy a new all white outfit that I know I’ll never wear again. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
QrLrrxdsZla1QHicrowy2Ih2lFThYV2a | b8rabr | {
"description": "using my friend's face as profile picture as an april fool's joke",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for using my friend's face as profile picture as an april fool's joke | So, yesterday i used a photo editing app to change the face of my friend (Male) to a female face, it looked pretty funny and i thought it would be even funnier if i changed my profile picture to that edited picture as an april fool's joke. So i did it, and a few hours later he got really mad and asked me to change my profile picture. He threatened to sue me for fraud and report me to the police if i didn't change my profile picture. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
zy6bQ2g51A7Q59XFprROZmxHPxy908he | b2cg9v | {
"description": "asking my husband to tone down a work friendship that could appear questionable",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my husband to tone down a work friendship that could appear questionable? | My husband and I work for the same company. We work in the same building, on the same floor, and sit about 10 feet apart. We don't have the same jobs, but due to proximity and similar reporting structure we know all the same people.
Recently there were some changes on the team he works with, and new people were brought on board. One of them is a very pretty woman in her 30s. I've seen her over at his desk talking to him pretty frequently, but I'm not a person who gets jealous at ridiculous things. He can be friends with whomever he wants.
He told me the other day that the woman (I'll call her PCW for pretty coworker) had told him a story about being downstairs at the coffee shop with the admin for our area. PCW was telling Admin how my husband is so funny and so easy to talk to, and how much she likes spending time with him. Admin asked her "You know he's married to Wimaine, right??" PCW laughs and says she knows, but they're just talking.
Just recently, I've noticed how much extra time she is spending standing or sitting next to him at his desk. The other day I was offsite for 1/2 day for a charity function, and when I got back, she was sitting next to him, very closely, working on something together. She asks him if he's going to an after-work function. He tells her No. She's disappointed and says if he's not going, then she's just going to go home instead.
Several times recently I've noticed *other* people notice the relationship between Husband and PCW. They look at me, look at Husband and PCW huddled together, look back at me.... you get the picture. Admin confirmed the convo where she told PCW that Husband is not available, and told me (jokingly) that she's got my back.
I trust my husband completely, and am not worried about anything happening. I know he sees her interest -- he acknowledges it -- but he's not stupid. He does enjoy the attention from a young pretty woman, which I cannot fault him for, because we are middle-aged and not models.
I told Husband yesterday that while it's cool that they get along and they are friends and whatnot, the fact is that we do work at the same place and know the same people. Their closeness and amount of time spent together cannot be a topic of speculation or discussion among others at work. I have a HUGE project I'm in charge of, his work is important, too, and to top it off our company is in the middle of layoffs. The last thing we need are distractions or a reason for HR or management to think that we are complicating the work environment. I told him that since at least one person has for sure noticed it, chances are that others have, too. And that because of those things, he's got to find a way to nip all this in the bud. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KKHPggrmYPG3duntG5BGpFLQA0jHKZ8Q | b76av5 | {
"description": "leaving my girlfriend to go to a group meeting while she was crying",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for leaving my girlfriend to go to a group meeting while she was crying? | Hey there people of reddit, first time poster here, so forgive me if I make any mistakes. Also, so sorry for how stupidly long this is going to be.
I'm not really sure how to start this off, so I'll just jump right into it. Earlier this week, a friend that my girlfriend hasn't talked to in three years passed away., and obviously, my girlfriend was really upset. I've tried to help her, though I'll admit that I had no idea what I was doing. I don't know if I did a good job, but I tried to make her feel like she could come to me when she needed me.
Today, my girlfriend and I were having lunch together. She seemed uncharacteristically quiet, and I could tell she was upset. After lunch, we end up going back to her room, and it's not long before she's crying so hard that she almost throws up. I tried to comfort her the whole time. I didn't know what to say, and I wasn't sure there was anything I could say to make her feel better, so I just let her cry. She calms down a bit, so I check my phone, find that a group from my class was meeting to do mandatory peer reviews in about 10 minutes. I couldn't just ask them all to delay it for me, not when they were already meeting up.
I stayed as long as I could. Our friend came over eventually and tried to talk it out with her. When I was about 20 minutes late and she had calmed down a little bit, I left; I know I shouldn't have left. She really needed me.
That being said, I felt. I just dropped out of a class of mine two days ago, one that's mandatory for my psychology major, and my dad was understandably upset about this. He's been paying for my college all by myself, and although I've never been on top of my educational game until now, I felt like I had to put in the work this time around.I just felt like I owed it to him to at least try and be more focused on my education.
She ended up going home, and when I texted her after a while, she was understandably upset at me. Although we did make up, she told me that she thinks she can't trust me to be there for her from now on.
I've always tried to be there for her whenever she needed me, and even when she didn't. I've tried to be as supportive as I could be, and while I don't know that I did the best job, I know I put in the effort. That's why it hurt so much when she said she felt like she couldn't trust me. She said this wasn't the first time she felt like this, but I've always tried to be there for her, at least as far as I remember. I haven't said this to her, but it really ticked me off that she let this one time I couldn't be there make her think she couldn't trust me.
So, AITA here? I know I should have been there for her, but I couldn't just not go to the meeting either.
Tl;dr- My girlfriend's friend, who she hasn't spoken to in three years, passed away recently, and I left her while she was still upset to go to a group meeting for a class.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
0Mm5pHR6K7ByVMksDMNph0wWj3jBKTZK | awgcqs | {
"description": "letting my cousin's power go out",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for letting my cousin's power go out? | So, right now I'm in a comfortable place financially for the first time in 3 years. I just splurged on a new TV and a bunch of weed to celebrate moving into my new apartment, and while discussing this with my cousin, she told me that she is two months behind on her utility bill, and she will have her utilities cut off on the first if she doesn't pay 275. She asked if I can lend her the money, and I told her that I couldn't do that. She called me an asshole and asked me if I'm really going to make her and her kid sit in the cold when I have the money to spend on stupid shit. I told her that I'm not happy that she's in this situation, and I'm not going to apologize for treating myself to nice stuff after going through hard times. She stormed out and told all of my family that lives in the same city as us. Now they all think I'm an asshole.
The reason why I didn't lend her the money is that I've lent her this amount or more 5 other times, and I've never gotten a cent back. I've always gotten assurances, but I've learned to see them as bullshit. This was during times where I had nothing, and I suffered due to not having that money. I'm in a great spot now. If I go around handing out huge wads of cash, I'm worried that I won't be eventually. Yes, this WAS a selfish decision, but I'm done being a martyr, especially to someone who doesn't keep their word and talks about me behind my back. Im taking a stand, even if it means my 13 year old cousin suffers. AITA for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
pB1rhcloXm1RQaZVkbrvbsZwVGugGOAQ | az3xjn | {
"description": "honking at an old man blocking the lane",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for honking at an old man blocking the lane | This happened last month. I was in a parking building looking for an available space. I drive up right behind this elderly man (maybe in his 60s) who was strolling in the middle of the lane. I wait a few seconds but I note that he doesn’t notice me. I then honked my horn (as lightly as I could) so he can get out of the way. I then pass him and park nearby past him.
As I get out of the car, I have to walk past him to get to the exit. He subsequently starts shouting at me about how dare I honk at him. I tried explaining myself saying that he was walking in the middle of the lane and blocking the path. He said that I should have waited for him. He wasn’t letting it go so I started to shout back as well. He then starts insulting me saying “you’re gay!” And when I wasn’t offended (I said something like “as if that’s an insult”), he started shouting go back to where you came from (I am of foreign descent). I just called him a racist, flipped him off with both hands, and left.
I felt like he was way out of line because I honked at him. But I have noticed that I honk my horn a lot though, although not in this particular case IMO. So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hwDXZkLpZeKmx2hnau8XVvv1VzwbtONv | a62dw5 | {
"description": "asking a friend for alcohol after an awkward situation",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA by asking a friend for alcohol after an awkward situation? | So there’s this person that I recently met at a college party. We both hit it off, and while we don’t text often or meet up, we’re usually pretty friendly in passing, and they’ve offered to buy me alcohol im the future since they’re 21. We ended up at another party together, and things got awkward. Since she had been drinking at other events, she let me and a friend have most of her drink. It was late into the party, so I was already kind of drunk.
After a while I was hammered. My friend came up with the bright idea of playing matchmaker, and asked me if I’d want to make out with her. Being very I drunk I agreed, and they went about setting us up. Needless to say, it failed, and the entire situation was very awkward, although I didn’t try to force anything physically (I never would).
The next day I texted them as normal but after a little they left me on read. I felt so guilty and horrible, but I didn’t know how they felt, and I didn’t want to come out with some huge apology that they would see as even stranger. I haven’t really seen this person at all since that party, but there’s another coming up soon that we would both maybe be at. I feel like it would be horrible to ask her to pick up something for me (I would be paying her obviously) after what happened, but I hate mooching off other friends, and I’m not great at parties where everyone is drunk and I’m stone cold sober (which this one would probably be based on the people going). How dickish would this be? I feel so bad | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rsSChrRdsiBenB8r5jRplZakDDWuCBLi | ae7ef0 | {
"description": "discussing relationship problems with classmates",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for discussing relationship problems with classmates? | A little background info first (on mobile so sorry for any formatting issues). I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 3 months. We’re both in the same class and also just so happen to sit next to each other. We’ve been going through a little bit of a rough patch due to some dishonesty on her side. She’s been dishonest/white lied before, and we discussed and solved it in a healthy manner. I told her the number one thing is just being honest with me. I tried to drive home the point that I wouldn’t judge or fault her if she was just honest.
Fast forward to the day in class. We’d previously been riffing about some issues about her being dishonest about her dealings with a guy. She had deleted texts, lied about him being gay and overall had not been up front with me and tried to white lie her way out of the situation when I asked who he was (as I had never heard about him). She immediately goes into a defensive shut down when I ask about him (visually upset and frustrated). So I simply left. I got up and talked to friends at the other side of class just trying to give her some space to calm down. They ask me what happened, since they saw the fit she threw. I simply answered that I was discussing things that didn’t up with her. No accusations or statements that she cheated. Things just didn’t add up. I told them nothing that I didn’t know for fact.
Later that day my phone blows up with people from a group chat I used to be in calling me a bully and a bad boyfriend. She refused to communicate with me for a good 30 minutes and it took a lot to even get her to talk to me. I explained to her that I wasn’t making fun of her and that I wasn’t upset about her friendship with another man, just her dishonesty about it. But she paints me as this humiliating dickhead and bully for discussing my feelings with classmates I trust. She thinks I’m telling everyone she cheated (which is not true). I understand how she can be upset but I made sure to tell her that the stuff she assumed wasn’t the case. So am I the asshole for the way I handled it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
3AAwgx6KTQOr5VUdYCNMz8cu2VBB7E8s | aihwy0 | null | AITA? GF going to gym with another guy | AITA? My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 months. We live in the same house together (not live together), started out as FWBs and later formed an exclusive relationship. Rewind about 3 months before our relationship, she asks me whether I'd like to go out in the evening on the weekend, I tell her that I'm really tired from work and don't feel like going out. She seems a little irritated and tells me she's taking a male friend from work instead, to which I respond with agreement. We were still FWBs at that point and I didn't think it would be an issue. Later on the night of her going out with the coworker, she comes home with him and invites her into her room. At this point she's pretty tipsy and borderline drunk. I didn't really know what they were doing inside but I felt a little uneasy that she had brought him home. He was also married to a woman, so I found that a little weird. Regardless, I shook the feeling off hoping nothing had happened. Late at night I'm woken up by the sound of barfing and the day after she tells me that she felt embarrassed by her throwing up and asked him to leave the house.
Fast-forward 1 month into the relationship, she says that I have nothing to worry about regarding the guy and that he's out of her life. 2 months in, she texts me while I'm at work and tells me she's invited that guy to go to the gym with her. I get emotional and angry at her for seeing him again. I tell her that going to the gym with someone is fine but why with the guy she went out drinking with. To which she replies that she does not need my permission to "hang out" with her "friends". I got pissed off at her and the relationship just hasn't been the same. I'm glad she told me about her plans to invite him to the gym but at the same time am disappointed that she had backtracked on what she had said previously about not seeing the guy again. I had also asked her whether she was into him at the start of her relationship and although she didn't give a clear answer, I knew she had been interested. She calls me insecure and controlling. Am I the asshole for giving her shit for going to the gym with that guy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
yjaEpbE07iSdOhQdB7bJH5On30c0TC7U | acc9wk | {
"description": "kicking someone out over spoilers",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for kicking someone out over spoilers? | More specifically, that and their attitude after the spoilers occurred.
So this actually happened a few hours ago, and after a period of radio silence between us, I'm left wondering if he or I were the one to overreact.
Alrighty, so on to the story. The person I'm seeing (32m) and I (27f) enjoy watching shows together. Generally speaking he picks them because he has kind of a different taste than I do (ie, I could watch mad reruns of The Office and be content, but he likes to mix it up, and watching shows with more grit). Now, in principle, I'm generally fine with this because he does show me things I haven't seen before that I do end up enjoying (although I have had to put a foot down once or twice when I'm completely disinterested in a show, and he puts it on anyway... but that's a whole different ball o' wax...).
So today we were watching one of His Shows, that took me a little while to get into, but I'm beginning to be invested in the storyline, so I'm actively watching as well. At the end of the episode, there was a moment off camera with a gunshot, and it was framed like Female Character would die. I reacted like, "oh no," so he says, "Don't worry, she doesn't die," which peeved me, but I felt was said with good intentions. The next episode comes up, Female Character actually shot someone else, and the story moves on.
He followed my sigh of relief with, "She does die later though."..... Like wtf dude, ok spoilers much?
So I asked him to give away nothing more because I would like to watch the story unfold. He counters my request by saying, "Well, Male Character dies, too..." .... Male Character also hasn't died yet...
So I asked him to say nothing more about it, or I just don't want to watch this with him right now cuz he was ruining it for me. He complains that, "You're allowed to make comments but I'm not? Yeah, ok that's fair."... which would be a fair point if my "comments" weren't all related to what's *currently on screen* in *shows he's already seen and I haven't*.
So I got frustrated with the whole ordeal and just quietly switched off the show, did not choose another, and leaned back silently to browse my reddits and breathe. He took this as me being passive aggressive, and started scrolling on his own phone making very loud comments about everything on his feed.
I asked him to stop that as well, and when he chose not to, I asked him to leave. (Funny enough, got a text half an hour later saying he'd cooled off... )
--------------
So TLDR: He wouldn't stop spoiling a show I've never seen before, then got pissy when I tried to breathe. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
An6Tyq8nc2rqUyRPuPHMPhd8mPF5Q5r1 | ayhhz4 | {
"description": "trying to help a friend not end up drugged",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For Trying To Help A Friend Not End Up Drugged | So I'll get to it. Me (19f) have had a best friend (19m) for more than 2 years now. We've been through shit and though amazing times. Lately we went through a tough period and we're not really just as close. There are some things left unsaid and seems like no one wanted to say them.
For context, he;s been smoking weed for about a year and a half or more and has these 3 friends he does it with, which in my opinion are toxit (barely graduted, spending their parents' money and doing/dealing weed etc). He knows I don't like them, but I've never been to vocal about it.
So today I caught him in a small lie and got all annoyed and I snaped. So I told him everything I had on my soul, and poured my soul. He's been smoking HUGE amounts lately, like huge, more than he has ever before and hangs out with these friends all the time just to smoke and drive around the town. I know those friends are into stronger stuff and I'm really scared he might end up doing other things as well. So I told him that I care, that he is not heading in the right direction imo and he should really be more careful as those guys are just there for him when it comes to smoking, not real friends like me and him have been. Told him I can't stand to watch it. He replied "stop texting me SHIT LIKE THIS".
I can't tie myself to someone doing things like this, I was more open than ever, but I've just started therapy after almost killing myself and I can't have toxit people and drugs in my life. Told him that, from my point of view, unless he decides to contact me and talk about it, our friendship is over.
​
I'm heartbroken but I can't watch how my best friend is slowly changing to the point I don't recognize him. Was I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
hk28l0FYk7gbeZUwIbajlB7UqjWbaW95 | avgadl | null | AITA for my genetics? I have wide shoulders and I occasionally fly coach | Yes, this is in response to a recent thread (now locked) where a transaction occurred in which a "non-fat" person discussed and was provided by a "fat" person in lieu of being ejected from the flight because he "should have purchased two tickets because he knew he wouldn't fit into a single seat without *infringing* on the space of his fellow traveler".
I make no judgments on the original circumstance and feel, while dicey, the math arbitrary (I'll get to that here), that it all worked out about as well as it could. I agree that the non-fat traveler was put in an awkward position not of his doing, but more (entirely?) due to the airline in this case.
I did a little quick research (for actual, *hard numbers*) and found with respect to the width of airline seats, "...average seat width has shrunk from 18 inches to 17 inches or less." Further, "The average man in the United States is 5-foot 10-inches tall, and weighs 172 pounds. His shoulder width is 18-1/4 inches." What does that mean in this context? Well, it means that a male of average size is encroaching on his fellow passenger to the tune of at least 1-1/4 inches.
Now, what if you're a ***big*** guy. Not *fat* necessarily, but simply big. Maybe as a result of years of working out, or maybe it's literally just *natural*. Think the type of guy that played offensive line in American football. My shoulders are 22 inches wide, ergo, if/when I fly "coach", I'm encroaching on my fellow traveler in a 2-seat row by a solid 5 inches. Am I the asshole for not buying a 2nd seat? For not paying for "business" or some other class of seat? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LCeoDqi21J5OEc03sZT5eQEWNMbPkBeD | a5y6ho | {
"description": "giving a peer a failing grade, having him lose scholarships",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for giving a peer a failing grade, having him lose scholarships? | I graduated uni in 2017 with a compsci degree. Part of leading up to it was a capstone project. I was kind of thrown into the "remainders" group, or a group of people who didn't come up with a group themselves. Only two of us six knew each other and the rest were strangers (I was one of the strangers). We picked roles early on and my job was technical writer (writing documents and manuals).
It became evident early on that not everyone pulled their weight. Of the six of us, I did my role, the lead programmer (LP) did their role, the team leader (TL) was active, and the other three didn't do much. I want to focus on the TL as being a good leader but other than verbal input, had nothing in the project. The other three did their work but it was really poor quality or outright didn't work: LP, TL and I had to redo their work.
Or so I thought. The TL mentioned at every group meeting he had to redo x, y, or z but we learned after the fact he did not. He and LP were friends and I guess LP did all that extra work and TL took credit for it. TL was still active and went to every group meeting and was involved in discussions, but we all were.
About halfway through the 8 month course, TL stopped showing up unless it was a meeting with the professor. He continually took credit for work he didn't do, even once going as far as saying he did everything. If you were to split the project into four parts: programming parts 1, 2, and 3, and the documentation, I ended up doing part 1 and all the writing, and LP did part 2, and one of the other three stood up to the plate late in the course and did part 3.
TL ended up vanishing more or less. With a few weeks left, he stopped showing up or replying to e-mails. LP caught him once and he said that he's happy with how the course went and there's no way we can fail, so he's taking a step back.
When it came time to do group evaluations, here's how it worked: the project was worth x marks, and we would grade each other from 0% to whatever%, and you would get that mark based off x. If the project was graded an 80, and collectively your peers gave you 50%, you'd instead only get 40. But if you got 200%, you'd get 160, etc. The caveat is your total amount had to add up to 100 times the number of group members. So if you gave someone an extra 1%, you had to take it away from someone else.
I ended up giving LP 180%, that third guy who picked up the slack 150%, the two other guys who didn't do much (but still participated throughout the whole course with discussions) 85%, and TL 0%. His average group evaluation ended up being 20%, low enough that he failed the course and allegedly his average dropped enough that he lost a scholarship. TL ended up having a falling out with LP and now LP and I are pretty good friends.
AITA for basically deciding TL's fate? He had to return for an extra year, pay the tuition all over again, and this time without scholarships. He was active in the first half of the course but never more than a guidance/discussion role. Maybe the biggest asshole part of me was we all made a silent pack between ourselves to give him a bad grade but told him we didn't care for group evaluations and were going to give everyone 100%.
**tl;dr:** capstone group project for university. One member did basically nothing but take credit so I gave him a 0%, ensuring he failed the class and lost a scholarship. AITA for going overboard? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
WkUgTxwr45hejvcF64VYnDneBBZZLOnt | awpouq | {
"description": "downloading \"name your own price\" games on itch.io for free",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for downloading "Name your own price" games on itch.io for free? | I dont have much money to blow away on games that are free, i would buy them if i could but i dont have that much money | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
c4ivlnNe2Wi3v7t2FysV5ZkuTU1DhIti | 9wl51e | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends anymore? | So I’ve had this friend since High school. Let’s call her S. S and I are like sisters. We’ve started our friendship off with a bit of a teasing play but now we know each other very well and try to talk a lot. We usually discuss our love lives, stuff like “ughhh men!!” Or things like that nature. I usually initiate conversation but lately she hasn’t really talked to me. At all.
We’re both young adults now which means we’re still getting our lives together. I understand she has things going on in her life that doesn’t include me and she understands the same. But as of lately, she’s been ultra distant.
I’ve been trying to plan a cruise. My boyfriend doesn’t want to go out on a cruise with me and I don’t want to go alone. I wanna go in two years- the prices are much cheaper and it seems easier to plan around in two years than say a couple months. I ask her, not including when this’ll be or where, I just say “hey wanna go on a cruise” and she instantly says “I’ll be working.” This was unlike her cause the last thing she ever wants to do is stay working. She’s the party hard type so I was confused.
I had let it go. If she doesn’t want to go, then that’s fine. I asked my group of friends, including her, if they’d like to do Dollar Days next month. It’s a two day event where things downtown cost a dollar for entry. Things like museums, the aquarium, the science center. It’s fun and it’s a nice weekend event. I shoot her a message and “No I’ll be working”. I didn’t say when it’ll be or what date.
I feel like she’s pushed me aside, this is extremely unlike her and i don’t know what’s changed. I really don’t want to resort to begging her so if she truly doesn’t want to hang or be around, so be it.
But does that make me an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HAmnTrrc0lUopNkM4ypEuFExshfTwO66 | aliwsc | {
"description": "being disappointed with my 'bonus'",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being disappointed with my 'bonus' | So I (30F) work in a growing family accountancy practice, been here three years and we have grown from 5 members of staff to twenty since I started. We do not get paid overtime but are expected to work it regularly.
I love my job and the people I work with but none of us get paid very much for what we do which is justifyable as we're not fully trained (currently studying outside of work for my chartered).
So over the past 6 months we've taken over a couple of smaller practices which meant I've had to put in a considerable amount of over time. Then we hit January which is always crazy busy and we had to work weekends which my boss had pre agreed to pay us for as he knew there was no way of completing the workload without it.
I was happy knowing it would be paid untill my boss made a huge thing about how we would be getting over out normal hourly rate, it sounded great so after having three days off total in January so far he let me know how much extra pay I'm getting as if he had done me a huge favour paying above my rate..
Well I did the math and I'm getting £10 extra a day.
Now I know this is still money and I'm very grateful but with all the extra hours I've worked this year it kind of feels like a kick in the teeth and I feel he should have just not mentioned it.
Am I in the wrong for being so disappointed??
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 3,
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1yZHTrhM0Vyb4JW57tTM4LfaFLjKXH1N | aa6diq | {
"description": "telling someone I don't want to hear about their rape",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for telling someone I don’t want to hear about their rape? | I am a guy suffering from major depression. I really need to concentrate on myself for the moment. I girl I know came up to me and said that last weekend at a club she was raped and she is scared and needs help. I told her that I am in no position to help anyone and got up and left. It was cruel but I am exhausted enough fighting my own problems yet alone anyone else’s. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
jXTNeigO8bP5HzCpRS01jXBG0aaRSqLl | anajo9 | {
"description": "blocking in a car that took my parking space",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for blocking in a car that took my parking space? | I live in a mobile home and we are allowed a parking space for 2 cars. Sometimes when a car parks in our space we go knock on other people's doors to ask them kindly to move it. I knocked on another mobile home to ask them to move it. Pretty sure it was their car, but no one answered. So I being frustrated just wanna come home and take a shower after park behind their car (my neighboring mobile home is vacant so their parking space was free atm) and moved my car as close to the bumper as I can get. Then I backed up my brothers car as close to their car. Why couldn't they have just parked in the vacant spot next to mine? Maybe not free at the moment idk. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
NjhqUD8F0lu2hNsNNC4I2pdkozunt7EW | al4ba4 | {
"description": "boinking a girl after me and my breaking up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA I boinked a girl after me and my gf broke up |
Okay so im 29 years old and i had been going out with this girl for about a year. Lets call her Jill. Jill had just started working in an office and at one point an attractive guy (Lets call him Mike) got recruited into her part of the company (they werent higher or lower than eachother). Since she had just started the job (an assistant) she had no time to spend with me. Due to this she missed our big anniversary dinner that i had planned. Mike and Jill weren getting very friendly at work (not cheating , thank god). Also we had both told eachother our " I love you"s so i felt thretened by Mike. One day i brought her food while she was at work (apparently she had a lot of work). Along with her knowing i was threatened by Mike ultimately led to a big fight and she suggested we break up for a while. In my devastation i left the apartment and with some of our mutual friends i went to a bar were i got slightly drunk and brought a girl home. The next day Jill came over to apologise and i managed to keep her from seeing the girl. Finally one of my friends (that i went to the bar with) accidentally let out that i had sex with a girl to Jill. Jill was devastated and in our huge fight (the fight which broke us up) she was yelling at me, asking why i did it. My counter-argument was that we were on a break and that we were not together. This went back and forth a little and after a long moment of silence the fight ended. We broke up.
A few weeks later she did go on a date with Mike
Who is the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
hrlKHmu68JRy9xE93PgCOe4Wqe0RGTeD | ar77bh | {
"description": "getting angry at my family for seeing my ex",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting angry at my family for seeing my ex? | Girlfriend lived with me and my family for a year and a bit, I told my family I would be breaking up with her and they all agreed that was the right choice due to her refusing to get a license and making next to no effort to get a job. She had an interview with a company shortly before I broke it off but at the point I had already made the choice and was not happy, In November I broke it off and sent her to the family she was living with an hour and a half away but shortly after my oldest brother and his fiance living near me offered to take her in for the job and my middle brothers girlfriend drove to get her and bring her there. Nobody told me she was living with my older brother and that she was still nearby. Come Christmas night my family told me they were heading to my older brothers house for dinner and asked if I wanted to come, obviously yes so I told them i would be there after a shower, they told me shortly after not to come and that they would only be there for half an hour. Two hours later a friend told me she was there by seeing her on Snapchat at the dinner (They told me not to come to Christmas dinner so they could see her instead) But got angry at me for being upset over it. Ever since it has been time after time of them going to see her and getting angry at me for being upset about it..
Am i being a shit head about this? I understand she was here for a year but not being invited to Christmas dinner really threw me over the edge.
TLDR Family still see my ex and get angry if I get upset over it | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qSjxtikcCrmr8QOc1MMFlSLZ1D7O9PEi | 9wsaso | {
"description": "making my friend take back her cat",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my friend take back her cat | My friend had been talking to me about looking for a new home for her cat as she was planning on moving back to her hometown right after graduation (summer 2019). She had been pressing me to be the new owner to her cat because I was the only one she trusted (friends for more than a decade) but I pushed it aside stating I have no idea how to take care of a cat and my boyfriend is afraid of cats. During this conversation, she asked me if I was willing to take care of her cat during Thanksgiving break as she was going back home. I asked my boyfriend, he said it was okay since it would only be for a couple of days, and all is good.
Several weeks ago my friend had a housing issue and needed a place to crash alongside her cat. I personally didn’t mind, but since my boyfriend is terrified of cats I had to ask first (He can be around them but he will absolutely not touch them). I asked for his permission and he agreed. (Although I forgot to ask my other roommate which was an oopsie since later in that week I found out he was absolutely terrified, even more so than my boyfriend. Essentially he locked himself in his room for the entire duration the cat was here.)
At first, my boyfriend and I didn’t really mind the cat mostly due to the fact that the cat was afraid of the new environment and so she was pretty docile. The only thing she really did was interact with us shyly or hid under the sofa. The worst part was when she became used to our apartment. She started scratching everything, our doors, the sofa, the chairs, shelves, our TV. She was so incredibly rowdy and it had started to irritate me because, again, everyone in the apartment was afraid of cats apart from me so I had to be the one to step in to stop her. My friend, the cats' owner, never comes home until late at night around 8pm to 11pm so she never took care of the cat either.
During their stay, my friend had dropped a couple of hints that I personally thought was a suggestion into keeping her cat. (Reminder from the very top of the post that she had been pressing me to be the new owner) She would say things like:
“It’s great that she’s getting used to your apartment”
“You guys are bonding so well with her.” and several other things
It may not sound like anything, but to me it was. Especially since I knew the desperation she had in finding a new owner for the cat.
When her housing issue was resolved, it was around 11pm and she still had not come home. She had messaged me saying that everything was fixed and thanked me for letting her stay over. I asked her to come to pick up her belongings and her cat. Several minutes later, she drove up to my apartment and as I went to open the door for her, I see her unloading something from her car. She walks to the entrance, with a big bag of cat food and cat litter.
I said, “What are you doing” and she responds “You said you would take her for the break.” Basically, the conversation went to me keeping her cat up until the end of Thanksgiving break which wasn’t until 2 weeks (so I was keeping the cat for 3 weeks pretty much). I was mad. She didn’t ask me prior to her coming to my apartment if I could house the cat until the end of Thanksgiving and she had already bought all the belongings of her cat. (At this point, I knew what I did was wrong, accepting the cat into my apartment even though I didn’t want to. Everyone that I had confided in told me I should’ve said no from the start. But I just felt so obligated to say yes, especially since she went through all the trouble of not informing me, and bringing all the cats stuff over.)
About an hour later, I messaged her trying to clarify at what point was she picking up her cat because all she had stated was that I keep her cat up until the end of the break. She responds with, “actually could you keep the cat past Thanksgiving break?” And I think at this point I kind of lost my rationale. I was just all around irritated. But what was probably worse than this is because when she had said what she said, I realized that keeping the cat past Thanksgiving break immediately goes into winter break which is 2 months long. And for me knowing her for more than a decade of my life, I know she was purposely manipulating me into taking care of her cat for probably the entire duration of winter break. I argued with her during this time and after a long confrontation, she decided to come to pick up her cat in the middle of the night.
It’s been a while since I spoke to her since there's a bit of tension between us. I was just trying to wait out the awkwardness between the two of us before starting a conversation. But just yesterday, I found out from a mutual friend of ours that she had been talking about me and how I was overreacting and misunderstanding the situation. He told me her side of the story and I realized that she had been cutting corners to the story saying, “I only asked her to take care of my cat for Thanksgiving, I don’t understand the issue.”
I’m just so confused right now and am unsure of what to do. From my perspective, I just feel like she’s been pushing me into taking her cat even though she knows my boyfriends afraid, my roommates afraid, and we collectively have no idea how to take care of a cat.
TLDR: friend kept extending the duration of an agreement we made on taking care of her cat.
| HISTORICAL | {
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xwcwqO0uIPf7MnZcHEqja2KAF54y0trZ | 9z49po | null | AITA for the way I broke up with fiancee? | We got engaged back in January and she suddenly started showing signs of paranoid schizophrenia. I'd been living with her and through all her psychotic episodes which have included physical and emotional abuse.
I took a work related trip to the states and had enough alone time to think about things and suddenly realized how life is without her. When I returned, I was cold and distant from her, I had fallen out of love, I packed up my things and left 5 days after returning from my work trip to my parent's house.
Here's the AITA part. I don't want to have any type of contact with her or her family as of the moment. Everyone has been telling me I should at least speak with her and to "break things off formally" but nobody seems to take into consideration how I feel about it, it's mostly how she feels about it. She's obviously destroyed and didn't expect any of this, but for me it feels like a huge relief and I just don't want any more drama in my life right now.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
bqJBAph6VadDJMrnCg6UXhCVi9lRb58J | awpuaa | {
"description": "being a snitch",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being a snitch? | :: Okay so this is my first ever post and I am on mobile, but I needed an opinion.
For some context, I am in high school where the phrase “snitches get stitches” is literal. I am in a fifth period class that I only take due to it being an easy grade. The teacher will also leave the class for long periods of time , so a lot of kids take the time to vape. (School has bad drug problem) Now I have bad asthma and smoke of any kind is a big no-no, but I usually keep my mouth shut. I myself don’t do and/or have never done any drugs.
So a few days ago and it goes the same as every day, but instead of one or two kids it was four. My lungs can’t take that and I go to the nurse. I almost went into an asthma attack, but I luckily got my inhaler in time. I tell the nurse what happened and she calls the principal who is in charge of the punishments here. I wasn’t there, but he apparently went to the teacher’s room and told Everyone that he knew about the vapes and one kid hand him over. I don’t know what happened to him, but he probably got ISS (In school suspension). The teacher chewed everyone else out and said that if she ever smells vape again she will have everyone searched.
My question is: AITI for snitching for my own health, but causing people to get in trouble and being a snitch? That kid is only a freshmen (so is most of the class and the rest are sophomores) and that’s gonna be on his transcript.
//Thanks for reading! :)
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
mhj0ZUB3Mix2z2Ij7iw7FxFGHN7mYb0h | ah1we9 | {
"description": "telling someone who I only know for about 2 weeks about my suicidal thoughts and making me her problem",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA If I would tell someone who I only know for about 2 weeks about my suicidal thoughts and make me her problem | Im just gonna come straight to the point, i planned my suicide allready and I probably have severe depression. (its "probably" because i only made online Tests yet, wich are not accurate a lot of times, because I dont want my family to notice)
I read a lot on the Internet that if I want These thought to go away I will have to talk with someone about it but I have no friends and as I told you before I dont want my family to notice so talking to my family or going to a therapyst is out of question.
The only Person I could talk about this with is someone from my class because She is the only one I talk with.
She always tries to cheer me up but I dont want to tell her because if I would I would make her life a lot harder because I would push my self on her and make me her burden and its like "im her Problem now and she has to take care of me" but She doesnt really know me (we only talked like 3 times because we've only been in class toghether for about 2 weeks) so why should I be allowed to make me her problem, its my problem and Not hers, but i have nobody else to talk about this and im really fucking depressed, I dont want to do anything accept sleep, i dont have an Appetite anymore, I planned my suicide, I have no energy, Im just a chore to be around, im tired all the time and all these things, but i dont want to Ruin someones live because of that, or should I just stay silent and kill myself and everybodys live would be so much easier.
What am I supposted to do, please help.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
sJkZlFMeipxLKt1RJUEjfTicVcAFXlCs | awftx3 | {
"description": "purposely scaring my cat",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for purposely scaring my cat | I have a crazy ass cat, I’ve had her for 8 years or so. I say she’s crazy because one second she’ll be in my lap chilling then the next she goes ape shit for no reason and will claw at me, hiss and run away. Sometimes I’ll be walking to the kitchen or something and she’ll run out and start attacking my feet. Whenever she does this I’ll stomp my foot next to her to make her run away. Rn she is laying on my lap getting all the pets she could want and purring very loudly. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
JBoNqT89ZnPSGBuTjLurXnXCJsQ9BAeO | aamd0q | {
"description": "not agreeing to reimburse my roommate for half of the cost of a wifi router",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not agreeing to reimburse my roommate for half of the cost of a wifi router? |
My roommate moved into my fully furnished apartment last August. Utilities are all in my name, but the internet had been in my former roommate’s name. I asked new roommate to put the internet in her name. She was agreeable and shopped around for a provider. I told her I had a router that we could use, but by the time she picked a provider, I was out of the state on vacation. Move in day for her was while I was gone, and in the 4 days until I returned, she had set up the internet and had ended up buying a router instead of asking me where my old one was or paying to rent one from the provider.
​
Now, 5 months later, we are finally sorting out utilities, and I get a text from her asking me to pay her $30 for the router she had purchased. I asked her what would happen if/when one of us moved out, would I get my money back or would one person buy the other one out? She then said she will switch to renting a router from the provider, which would cost us an additional $13/mo, and also requested that I pay her $25, or $5/month, for my use of the router from August-Dec. I refused, as it wasn’t making sense, and asked her if we could just talk about it in person instead of over text. But she persisted. She then told me to “forget” that she ever bought the router and to pay her my half of the cost of what the rental fee would have been if we had gotten a rental router starting back in August, which would be $6.50/mo or $32.50 (more than half of what she paid for the router.) I refused again, and told her we should just talk about this in person.
​
Please help me wrap my head around this and give me a reality check if needed. She and I have not had any disagreements, and up until now, have had a really laid back relationship (one of us buys toilet paper or soap and the other just buys it the next time sort of thing, even though if we are splitting hairs I have bought the majority of things in bulk from Costco.) I just need some perspective and help reframing things before we talk again. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
m9H1iaF5CDimrdlXst8eryg8S01VIdd6 | a7sbvr | {
"description": "telling my neighbor to move his truck off my lawn",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my neighbor to move his truck off my lawn? | So for the last week or so my neighbor has been parking his truck about half way on his lawn and half way on mine. Ive been meaning to catch him outside to talk to him about moving it but haven't got lucky. When I got home from work today I figured it was finally time to do something about so I walked over and knocked on their door and asked if they could move the truck off my property. Instantly his wife starts getting defensive and tells me that I dont own any property(I am renting, they would know that) . The husband hearing this comes over and we smooth it out relatively decently and he agrees to move it but in the background I can hear his wife yelling "He just wants to be an asshole dont even bother" even though I have let them slide with their unconstrained dog getting in to my yard and trying to attack my dog multiple times and I feel like I have been more than reasonable. AITA here? It doesnt really hurt me if he parks his truck on my yard but still I just would prefer he didnt. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4y26spQvTYmTCeaUr1wRcQPFt8Q9q0CQ | b27kcc | {
"description": "getting together with the old best friend of a girl I dated",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I got together with the old best friend of a girl I dated | So I dated for about 2 months and she ended up cheating on me so it ended between us. And during that time she and her best friend got mad at eachother (for unknown reasons to me) and they do not have any contact with eachother whatsoever anymore. I have been talking to her (ex) best friend and its pretty clear she likes me, WIBTA if I got together with her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Pwr8WwYyKS2PKojRPfBLKNeQ6HRyCa3e | b0vhsb | {
"description": "cutting off the guy I was talking to and one of my best friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA- i cut off the guy i was talking to and one of my best friends | me and this guy were talking (not dating) for around half a year, the entire time he would go around telling his friends (who are also my friends so it’s not that big of a deal) that we were dating but i’d always deny it. me and him hung out every week and we’d do couple like things like see movies and hook up all the time. i didn’t have sex w him because i never really trusted him which is also the reason i didn’t wanna date him, me and him were friends for a little over two years prior to this so i knew who he was as a person. him and my friend would hang out every once in a while but i didnt really think much of it bc they were also friends prior so it didn’t really matter to me they were j hanging out. i would always tell him i didnt care what he did with other girl (bc we weren’t dating) i j didn’t want him to lie to me that’s all. he told me him and my friend kissed once but bc he was honest i let it go, then like two months later they hung out and HAD SEX but then he lied and told me he didn’t. she ended up telling me like three days later what happened so i cut them both off bc i felt like it was disrespectful. i literally cried for like a solid week bc of this. am i an asshole or do i have the right to not talk to them ?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
bYxfUP8zOctiALOAU3RsX7DlwIIMdhN9 | b0h9hu | {
"description": "not wanting my roommate's boyfriend around all the time",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my roommate’s boyfriend around all the time? | First some context: My roommate, (let’s call her Jane), who’s a close friend of mine, started dating some guy recently and I disliked him from the moment I met him. He was already dating someone else when him and Jane met on Tinder. Only recently he broke up with the other girl, even though Jane has been seeing him for a few months. Their relationship makes me uncomfortable because I can’t understand how Jane is okay with him cheating on his ex to be with her. I try not to be judgmental, because it doesn’t necessarily affect me directly, but I just really can’t stand him. (I’m only talking about how they met because I feel like that’s one of the main reasons I dislike him so much. I just don’t trust cheaters.)
The actual problem: Now he spends most nights at our place (4-5 nights a week, and sometimes he doesn’t leave for like 2 whole days). Whenever he’s here I just lock myself in my room because I feel uncomfortable around him. They usually hang out in the living room, where the TV is, and they watch TV and talk loudly at night. They always leave the living room and kitchen very messy (empty food containers, dirty dishes, their homework everywhere). While I’m not the tidiest person, I try to avoid leaving the common areas messy or dirty and she used to do the same. Today, I even noticed that his toothbrush is in our bathroom, so I think he’s just keeping some of his stuff here already.
What bothers me the most is that Jane knows that I’ve had serious issues with an old roommate and her boyfriend because the guy would spend most of the time at our place. Now I feel like she’s doing the same and doesn’t even realize it. Jane knows I like privacy, yet her boyfriend is basically living with us.
I haven’t said anything to her because my boyfriend sleeps over sometimes too (usually around twice a week, on weekends), and I don’t want to be hypocritical or petty. Also, I like Jane and don’t want to make her upset. I just don’t want to be sharing my space with someone I really don’t like and I don’t think it’s right for him to spend so much time here, knowing that it’s a shared space. Am I the asshole for not liking this guy and not wanting him here all the time? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mrw2oQ83rTyw4kYxEDmTpTTJui1qVVrU | ahflc6 | {
"description": "intentionally trying to keep my mutual friends apart",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for intentionally trying to keep my mutual friends apart? | I know that title sounds bad but there's really no other way to phrase it.
​
Okay, for the context. I've got two friends, X and Y. I was hosting a game of Cards Against Humanity recently and I invited X since she's got a good sense of humor for CAH. X said sure, she could come, and then asked me if Y was invited. Y has that same sense of humor, so it's a reasonable question.
​
The thing is that X and Y are great people when they're separate, but whenever they're together they just go off on whatever they're talking about and leave anyone else as the third wheel. I know this because I did a school project with both of them, we went to get food after we were done working, and I was very much just awkwardly standing by.
​
X is more reasonable about it, since she rarely talks about Y if he's not around. But Y is always going on about X. And indeed, Y told me that he's got a crush on X, and I'm 95% sure X likes Y as well.
​
Which brings me back to the Cards Against Humanity game. I told X that I wasn't going to invite Y because I thought four people was the ideal number for CAH, which is true, but also because I wanted her to be present and focused on the game and enjoying the company of others, instead of just talking with Y the entire time.
​
So, am I the asshole? My side of the argument is that I wanted to spend time with X before she inevitably starts dating and becomes completely inseparable from Y, but the negative side, of course, is that I indirectly stopped X from being with someone she might have preferred to be with.
​
I'm not trying to blame X nor Y here, they've done nothing wrong; this is a scenario where either I'm the asshole or nobody is. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
0O6fomY6wLlYzgt1DJuHjbiMQYlu0J5S | b7a1b1 | {
"description": "not letting my friends stay at our apartment",
"pronormative_score": 52,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting my friends stay at our apartment? | So I'm just gonna jump into it. Me and my boyfriend live in an apartment, it's rented so it's nor mine or his, we share the costs. In a few months we'll be travelling for approx. 2 months. Around that time my friends girlfriend is going to be in town for a couple of months. My friend lives in an apartment with roommates, so shares the kitchen/bathroom and stuff and just has a room to himself.
My boyfriend, friend and his girlfriend figured they could just live at our place in the two months that we aren't there. My boyfriend says it's a good idea and we could use the money. However, I don't really feel comfortable with it for a couple of reasons:
1. I know how my friend lives or at least used to live, not the tidiest person ever. I like to keep our place tidy and clean and don't want to come home to a mess.
2. I don't want to get in a fight over money in case something breaks. We don't have superexpensive stuff, but still. What if something breaks that costs 500 bucks new and they give us a 100 to cover the costs. I don't know what they're like with money, but people tend to fight about money-related issues. I don't want to risk our friendship over something stupid like that.
3. I think is kind of a hassle having to take all of our stuff (clothes, towels, shoes, coats, bathroom supplies etc.) to either our parents or somewhere else. We don't have a storage unit, but when someone else lives there you can't just keep your closets completely full. I think it's too much work for just those 2 months.
4. I reaaaally don't feel comfortable letting another couple sleep and do god knows what in our bed and on the couch, I personally just think that's gross.
5. Sure we could use the money, but we'll be fine without it as well, we certainly don't depend on it, since the rent isn't that high anyway.
6. when we come home, obviously tired, I don't wanna come home to an empty home, meaning we have to go pick up our clothes and stuff from where we stored it.
My boyfriend thinks I'm overthinking and making too big a deal out of it, but I feel like it's OUR home and if I don't feel good about it, that's my right. I don't think I owe them anything and the only plus is the money that we can do without.
So long story short: am I the asshole for not wanting to rent out our house for just two months?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 40,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 52,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CbJckpMg6Vw6UdvIEGa4GDhuJyx45uup | an90v4 | {
"description": "not wanting to talk to my grand parents",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to talk to my grand parents? | Hey guys so am i the ass hole for not wanting to communicate with my grand parents? My dad died when i was four years old and since then they have been in and out of my life but mostly out of it. In elementary school they made contact with me in 4th grade and would eat lunch with me without my moms permission or knowledge and while they never directly told me not to tell my mom, when i eventually did it was abundantly obvious what they did was not cool. Later the next year (i dont know why) my mom let me go to there house and church stuff and see a movie but later that year they basically didnt communicate with me for years except for the sporadic birthday card. In short they have been mostly not in my life and i have no emotional connection to them beyond some guilt for not wanting to talk to them. My grandfather recently had a brain bleed and almost died and since then they have been trying to communicate with me more now. Not to mention i have an amazing relationship with my grand parents on my moms side specifically my moms dad who has basically been a father figure my whole life. So am i the ass hole for just not wanting anything to do with them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
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"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hKsgMBVzasTgBrqFHGqgBVpu5IUjU3Po | b2wmhz | {
"description": "wanting to quit my adult kickball team",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to quit my adult kickball team? | I recently joined a local adult kickball league for fun. Nothing serious. There are ten games, ten teams, no tournament.
At the fifth game today, the team captains decided not to let in subs because the score was too close against a top team. Usually, one of the captains has called it when it’s time to switch out. Today, nothing was said until the second to last inning when one of the other subs was like, “Hey, are we gonna get to play at all?” Maybe they got distracted, but it felt sneaky.
I don’t really want to show up anymore. It doesn’t seem worth my time. I don’t have another five free hours to waste by showing up with the hopes that I’ll get to play for a bit. I’d rather do something else with my limited time. I also think the captains tried to “accidentally forget” other people were waiting to play so they didn’t have to sub us in halfway through the game.
It’s such a minor thing, but I’m annoyed.
I joined because I wanted to play kickball and have fun, and I feel petty for caring about this. Shouldn’t I want my team to win even if it means not playing?
Maybe I just see adult kickball as much lower stakes than my more competitive teammates, but I’d rather everyone who shows up for a game would get some playtime.
We obviously have enough people that we won’t forfeit if I stop coming. But am I the asshole for not being a good sport / teammate? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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} | RIGHT |
CRoDNOprdRkI6bKvJrU5UE60iwBh7Tf8 | avwvvl | {
"description": "not wanting to pay for to my mom's destination wedding in Mexico",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to pay for to my mom’s destination wedding in Mexico | I’m very likely going to go to the wedding as a disclaimer.
My mother and father got divorced and now my mom is remarried after seven years. She chose to get married at the hard rock resort in Mexico. Aside from a probable $400 flight and a price tag of $210 per person per night, this whole ordeal is carrying a very negative vibe. AND the wedding is a 7 day long event. I know some people who have destination weddings and it usually includes the family and close friends because everything is paid for. I sincerely think she did this to get out of paying for an actual wedding.
You can’t expect people to pay for some ridiculously expensive flight to Hawaii so why would you expect them to pay a moderately expensive flight to Mexico? I will be living paycheck to paycheck at the time and my girlfriend Is a med student $250,000 in debt.
I could not think of a worse way to use our money than this wedding. They are not paying for any aspect of the party. Not flight and nothing when you get there. Im 22 and that is a tonne of money for me as I will be supporting my SO Through medschool.
Im going to go, but damn I really want to drop some passive aggressive comments about how this whole thing is a scam:/ she should at least pay for her close family. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
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} | RIGHT |
X2yngmGHM0pXBoZB8izSGkLLfnuKgHqr | b9kuec | null | AITA My fiancé and I want a new last name | So for years my partner and I have discussed whose last name we would take when we get married. I don’t like his last name and he doesn’t like mine. We don’t want hyphenated last names. We want to have the same last name and we want our kids to have the same last name as us. So the only option it seemed was to straight up chose a new last name and we would both change our last names when we got married.
We recently got engaged and are planning the wedding; as such we have started trying to organise changing our last names and getting all the paperwork ready.
The other day we spoke to my partners parents about what we are going to do and wanted to make it clear that my partner isn’t changing his name because he hates them or doesn’t respect them. This ‘discussion’ went on for nearly an hour of his parents going round in circles about how it’s disrespectful.
By the end of the conversation they had said: 1. I was awful because I’m ‘forcing’ my partner to change his last name. 2. My partner shouldn’t marry me if I won’t take his last name (because apparently we live in the 1800) 3. My partner basically wouldn’t be the same person if he changes his name. 4. My partners mum said she won’t come to the wedding.
We just want to start a new family together and while I understand the selfish argument they have of ‘well it’s the family name and you have to keep it’ their argument falls through when we bring up their daughter who changed her last name when she got married.
If you’re fine with your daughter changing her last name then you should be fine with your son changing his last name in my opinion.
I just want to know if I’m being the asshole because I simply don’t like my partners name or my own and want a new one.
(By the way we’ve spent years picking out a last name, the list has a few options and they all make sense, they match our race, they match our heritage, they are normal names) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 60,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 67,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
jGmAZzvtUqMLYus2Y5Osjcg0naDrVZG4 | asz40g | {
"description": "refusing to do a request for a friend because I had no time and no details for his request",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to do a request for a friend because I had no time and no details for his request |
Ok so it's short and it's my first post so please understand that I am trying my best so here we go
About a week ago a friend of mine asked for a custom status of their roblox character, at the time I had a project for innovations due in a few days so I couldn't do the request, also they never described it so it couldn't even if I wanted to but as soon as I said no and have him my reasons he got very pissed and I mean as in shouting he also did threaten to not be friends anymore he was a long time friend and I don't want to lose them. Also note that I told him at some point that I couldn't do request last week so he did give him a warning but still, am I the as s hole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0MyUK5Qn1GzahTJhzIrfAk1bMnKyl2x2 | b7pe6g | {
"description": "blaming my mother for my eating disorder",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for blaming my mother for my eating disorder? | Hello everyone,
Growing up, I was obese. Very obese. Throughout my adolescent and high school years, I was 200 +lbs. At 5'2, that's a lot of weight to carry and my peers definitely never let me forget it. My mother, with whom I love very much, has always been very thin and I remember being seven years old and wanting to spend time with her - while in her room, she would try on clothes and ask me if I thought she looked fat. She fat shamed people in front of me and would always point out how I was the biggest girl in the room. She told me about the salad diet and fed me only salad for dinner many times.
After graduating college, she told me I would never find a job or a partner if I didn't lose weight. EVERYTHING I ate was a constant reminder that I would be useless in every day life.
Three years ago, I made a complete lifestyle change and successfully shed nearly 80lbs from my frame. Though I physically look well and healthy, I have a twisted and distorted way of viewing food. I exercise nearly 90 minutes a day, eat the same foods over and over again day after day, and feel unbelievably guilty every time I eat one little cookie or cupcake. I have no friends or romantic partners because I schedule life around eating and going to the gym. I truly hate this.
Last night, my mother and I had a full on BLOW UP. Now she told me I was too thin and was worried about me. I ended up going absolutely crazy and told her she was the reason I am the way I am - afraid of eating - that my earliest memories are of her weighing herself in front of me and telling me how no one would ever love me if I wasn't "skinny". It was pretty fucking bad and my father had to separate us.
I cried myself to sleep. This morning, my brother called me and demanded that I apologize to her. While I admit I had a breakdown, this has been building up inside of me for years and came to a head when she made a comment about how I shouldn't eat more than what was on my plate.
While I understand WE are responsible for the choices we make in life, I can't help but feel that she led me down a very dangerous road. I want to get better .. I truly do .. and I want to live a healthy and happy life, but there's that voice in my head telling me I will never be good enough unless I'm thin. She reinforced this on me every day growing up.
If I am an asshole for losing my shit, I am sorry .. but I needed to get it out. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 22,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
HlgNUfSqX8hMztpx4NshVqU3ggrN86uy | am8o41 | {
"description": "wanting to get some money for everything I do as a stay at home mom",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 56
} | AITA for wanting to get some money for everything I do as a stay at home mom? | I'm a homemaker of two adorable little girls. My husband is my best friend and my girls are my entire world. It's the hardest, yet most rewarding job in the world. It is work though and and I feel like I should get at least some compensation for all that I sacrifice. My husband doesn't feel that way at all though. We very very rarely fight, but last night we had by far the worst in our relationship and I'm heartbroken about it.
I have been feeling this way about money for awhile now. So I decided to draft up a list of the stuff that I do around the house. Daycare, cleaning, cooking, ect and after the tykes were put down I presented it to him and explained that I would like to be have a separate bank account and be paid (min wage) for the hours that he's at work to be put into and that money be for the work that I put in for the family. I figured that was completely reasonable, but apparently not.
He asked me what was wrong with our current bank account so I explained that I feel guilty spending money from it on stuff that's just for me. Like manicures or going out with my friends, stuff like that. Then I told him I'd also like a weekend. Two days off where I can get back to myself and feel like a human again. I said we could plan my weekends for when he's off to watch the girls, or hire a sitter for at least part of the day, just so long as I have some time to decompress.
He was silent through all of this and when I had stopped explaining, he kind of laughed and asked me if I was being serious. I got a little defensive and said no and started telling him that this is what I needed, but he cut me off. Now he's been my rock since I met him. I have severe depression and he knows and has been my biggest support dealing with it. He said in a jokey type way that if I was a paid housekeeper I would have been fired years ago. I'll be the first to admit that with two toddlers running around the place gets messy and it's hard keeping up with it. Especially dealing with depression that makes me not even want to get out of bed. I got angry and told him he had no idea what it's like running around all day taking care of the kids. He works in customer service and his job is literally sitting in a chair all day talking to people on the phone. He said of course he knows, he comes home after working all day and takes over playing with the girls. Like playing with them for a few hours before they go to bed is even remotely similar. I told him that maybe he should really try to walk a mile in my shoes.
Then he went after my weekend request, saying that he already gives them to me off because he helps out. The thing with that is that he is a homebody and he likes staying in. There's been nothing stopping him from going out and doing something different, but because I'd like a little time to myself once a week I'm evil.
Here's where it got really hurtful. I tried to explain to him that he really can't and doesn't understand the toll that my workload puts on me while also suffering from depression. He is apparently "so fucking sick of that excuse". Like I said, he's been my rock. I thought he got it and understood what a struggle it is to deal with depression, but instead he just views it as an excuse. I honestly am not sure if I'm going to be able to confide in him anymore after this. I'm devastated.
At the time I got livid and started yelling at him. I can honestly count the times he's raised his voice to me on one hand so I was a little taken aback when he started yelling back at me. He said he didn't want me to work for our family, that if I really wanted a pay check let's get day care and I could get a job. I asked him if he really wanted a stranger raising our kids and in really mocking tone he said no, he wanted me to walk a mile in his shoes.
We argued for a while. I was in tears by then end of it. I really just can't believe such a simple request set him off so much. He's been absolutely amazing before all this, I just don't get it. I really don't think me asking for money that I can spend on myself without feeling guilty would be such a big deal.
He slept on the couch last night and either couldn't hear or purposely ignored our daughter when she woke up crying and I was up with her all night. Now I'm exhausted, depressed, and feeling so alone and right when his day was done I got a text from him saying he was going out for drinks. I've sent him multiple texts trying to get him to come home and he's just ignoring them now. Was it really such an awful thing to just want the work I put in to have some value? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 46,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 56
} | WRONG |
vCZGdy2KYakyAVTIp8QEUF6OVL1L9YGl | ar7yco | {
"description": "not wanting to go to class 30 minutes early",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to go to class 30 minutes early. | *English is not my first language
So I study speech therapy and one of the things we do is we get external clients which we have to examine and treat. This lesson is every Tuesday at 8:30 in the morning. To get to this lesson I have to travel for approximately 1:10 minutes in total. So I have to get up at 6:30 in the morning to get ready. With this schedule I get in school on 8:25 and a few minutes later I'm in class. Now here is the problem.
So last term we had the same schedule only we did not start at 8:30 but 8:45 so everyone could get 15 minutes early to prepare and so that there was no chaos before the clients came in. But this term as we have more clients we had to move it 8:30. Now this girl from my class said that we still had to be 15 minutes early. For me to do so I have to take a train 30 minutes early and get up at 6:00. I refused to do so, mainly because I have class to 20:30 the day before and can only get home by 22:00 which means it's impossible to get 8 hours of sleep. Now there are other people in my class who mostly agreed to do this and also this one girl from the same town as me. Now she is was irritated by me being later because she did take a train earlier. Although she does not have class to 20:30 the day before.
Now a discussion ensued with me taking on half the class and refusing to come in earlier. They think I should show solidarity. They think it is unprofessional to show up just a couple of minutes before client contact. Because others do show up early. Now last term this was not an issue because I came in at 8:30 anyways as this is the regular time class's starts and also the earliest. They are obviously irritated by my refusal and see me as unsupportive to their issues. After the discussion they made the statement to never do anything for me again if I did not agree to this. This infuriated me quite a lot as I have been supportive of any issue regarding the group and have always helped them out. I know this is not binding but still to see it thrown away this easy just sucks.
Still I do not think their irritation is enough to cut down my sleeping hours. There are no real rules forcing me to do this. Also my contacts are my responsibility if I come in a few minutes before they should respect that and only act when things are going south.
So am I the asshole I really don't know they kinda really make me feel like I am. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
w4UPB9yW1WtGn1f3FSvcTpGWHO6plNkl | b55hgm | {
"description": "talking about wedding to jilted bride",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for talking about wedding to jilted bride | So my brother and his fiance were engaged to be married last August, but less than a week before the wedding it was called off. My brother is pretty private about his relationships, so I don't really know what happened between the two of them. My siblings and I all tried to talk to him in the weeks after the wedding but he just said he didn't want to talk about it.
The holidays came and went and we found out he was traveling with his ex over winter break, which is cool, we all honestly had no idea that they were still together. I had seen my brother a few times since, but since he had always said he didn't want to talk about it, we didn't bring it up.
So, just today I see my brothers ex fiance for the first time in over 6 months. It was my mom's birthday and we all went out to dinner and my brother brought her along. She ended up sitting next to me and I was telling her about this wedding that my wife and I went to yesterday, it was really nice with a beautiful cake and center pieces. I had taken a bunch of photos and was showing them to her, and she seemed interested. I honestly didn't think twice that it might upset her.
Well, my brother texted the family group chat later that I was being a huge asshole to her, that the gf had to go to the bathroom during dinner to have a cry. He said that they're working on their relationship and there were hurt feelings and feelings of embarrassment on both sides, and it has been difficult being public about the relationship again and now his gf feels unwelcome by me. My sisters agreed with my brother and say that I should have known better. But...it's been 6 months. It wasn't on my mind? They want me to apologize, do I have to? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
0Y5JLvohUAR6FiNkglcpIGqOaYfpLkEL | aoh1fe | {
"description": "not going on a make-a-wish trip for my sister",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AItA for not going on a make-a-wish trip for my sister? | I'm gonna apologize for formatting right away, mobile. I'll do my best.
Anyways, last summer, my family and I found out that my little sister was qualified for a trip from Wishes & More, a company similar to Make-a-wish. My sister has ITP, an immune disorder that makes it so she has a super low platelet count in her blood. This basically means that she bruises easily, and any head trauma is serious. She no longer has active ITP, and her platelet count is normal. However, she has the chance of it dropping again in the future.
We are to go to Disney for her trip, originally we were supposed to go over this past winter break. However, she got sick and so did my other siblings, so we rescheduled. The new dates are over spring break, and the week following. This means I would be missing a week of class, and missing 3 midterms. Not something easy for college classes.
Now since rescheduling, I have moved out and started a new job, one that I've been trying to get for a year. I am 18, and have obligations too. My professors said I can miss the midterms, but they can't have me take them early or late because it runs the risk of cheating. Whatever. Dispite explain things to my mom, she doesn't understand that I am an adult now and I have obligations other than my family. I think it's harder for her there because previously, I worked as a PCA (personal care assistant) for both my sister and my brother, and could help out more than I can now.
I have offered to try and get a plane ticket for part of the trip, as the rest of my family is taking a transit van down, adding 5 extra days of just travel to the trip (we're from Minnesota). I can't really afford to do this, but either way, this isn't a good enough option for her either.
Anyways, now that I've finally stated officially that I can't go, she is being super passive aggressive and mean every time I reach out. Even if I'm trying to help her in other ways, like offer to watch the dogs while they're gone, as it's expensive to board. I don't know if I should just suck it up and miss the midterms, and have my grade suffer, just because I'm sick of her acting this way. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
F7rsQNOMm98rl7DHox89vogokY8At0uE | b417e5 | {
"description": "wanting to keep my dog in my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for wanting to keep my dog in my apartment? | I brought my family dog from home to my college apartment because there’s a lot going on that my mom cannot handle. My grandma has dementia that’s progressing pretty quickly and bringing the dog would alleviate some of the pressure/responsibility off my mom. (I live with my mom, sister, and grandma back home.)I also brought my dog because my roommates are never home so I feel pretty lonely and that took a toll on my mental health.
In the past 12 days he’s been here, I’ve asked for help taking him out and feeding him once from them. They said no, which is completely valid. However, I received a really long text about how it’s my responsibility to take care of my dog, when I told them I could take care of it if they couldn’t. He also left kibble on the floor after his meals. I attributed this to him just needing adjustment. My roommate was upset with this so I offered to sweep up after every meal. Even though this was a week ago and I’ve found a strategy where he eats all his kibble and doesn’t leave any on the floor, she still complains about how messy the floor is.
Today, he had two accidents in the apartment. The first one was while I was at class and grocery shopping. My roommate texted me saying he peed and I told her I would buy some cleaning supplies and clean it up. She then berated me about how she only wanted her rug to not get messy with the dog, but he peed on it. I came home and cleaned it up promptly. I then went to my friends’ house for a couple drinks, but I then received another really long paragraph saying that the dog needs to go ASAP because of these incidents.
I don’t want this post to get too long, but I can definitely clarify anything in the comments! | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
AXPRsi9FbeZQL1I5fxgk2AxWqutjYdoM | 9xbp4a | {
"description": "wanting to get married sooner",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Wanting To Get Married Sooner? |
Hi Everyone,
​
Using a throwaway because I don’t really want my partner seeing this. We live in different countries and are planning to get married next year but can’t agree on the date. Originally we had both agreed on June, but due to the Visa processing times I thought January would be better for several reasons.
​
Right now we’re able to talk about three weeknights and one entire day on the weekend. We’re also able to visit each other for about five months out of the year. Due to work changing, once we get married the time we spend together will change to one weeknight and one entire day on the weekend and we’ll only be able to visit each other two – three weeks out of the year. Because of current travel schedules if we get married in June that will be twelve months apart whereas if we get married in January it means seven months apart. Five months may not seem like a big deal, but five months is a massive amount of time, especially since during this time we’ll be able to see and talk to each other drastically less.
​
Other than time apart, the other reason I want to get married in January has to do with finances. When my partner moves he’ll be taking a seasonal position at my company making about twice what he would in his country. Because of the timing of the Visa and the seasonal aspect of the job, if he moves in early 2020 (us getting married in January) he’ll be making about $13,000 more than if he were to move in late 2020 (us getting married in June). Not only that, but I currently work three jobs (60-70hrs per week) and have a chunk of debt I’m working towards paying off. If he comes here sooner I’ll be able to pay off that debt and work less much quicker. To me this all means we’ll be better off financially because he’ll be making more sooner, and I’ll be able to put a lot into savings once my debt is gone.
​
On his side, he says he feels uncomfortable with getting married in January because it’s not what he pictured. He also said he wants our anniversary date in June because January has too much going on (right after Christmas, New Years, etc.). He said the date lasts forever whereas finances and time apart are only temporary. I can see the aspect of the date being an issue. I’d prefer June as our anniversary date as well, but I figure we can set that date when we have an actual wedding ceremony in a few years (this first one will mostly be only paperwork, no special venue or pictures or anything). He’s also fine with the time apart whereas I struggle a lot more. I have no family or friends where I currently live and I’ve never liked long distance to begin with.
​
I love him with all of my heart and we see eye to eye on most things, but to me it doesn’t make sense to wait. If we get married sooner it means we won’t spend as much time apart, we’ll be better off financially, and from a selfish standpoint I won’t have to work nearly as much as I do now.
​
So.. am I being a selfish asshole for wanting to get married in January instead of June? | HISTORICAL | {
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9yWAWxnRcrWy0lrmBrSLF67TBkWYLCID | b0uvmu | {
"description": "making a rule where I'm allowed to be asshole to my sibling, whenever she starts to be an asshole to me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for making a rule where I'm allowed to be asshole to my sibling, whenever she starts to be an asshole to me? | My sister and I are both adults in our 20's. She has a habit of bringing into conversations extremely cutting and sensitive things whenever we have small disagreements. These disagreements range from the trivial (like, ordering food or watching something on TV) to *any* social or political issue. I make sure that I never insult someone because of a disagreement and I always convey my views with logic, but if it happens to hit some magical amorphous trigger she replies with insults that she *knows* hurt me. As an example, the last time we were together a specific political subject was brought up, and because I disagreed with her stance she told me I sounded like I was going crazy or schizophrenic. She knows this would hurt me because I suffer from anxiety and was diagnosed with OCD when I was a child which led to some awkward moments in my childhood (giving me an almost Pavlovian response to being called crazy). I know she knows all of this, and I explained to her that she shouldn't insult me because we have differing views. Later in the day, a disagreement during a card game ensued (over something silly because they were reading the card question too slow to make sense of like one word every 5 seconds), and she made the same insult when she saw I was mildly frustrated (I think she said I was "having an episode" or a "crazy episode" or something).
Anyway, I absolutely can't stand being treated like garbage by my own sibling so I decided that the next time she would insult me I would respond in kind. When she insulted me, I told her that what she said was insulting and that I would be insulting her as well. I think laid out the ol' treasure trove of sibling wisdom that I've accumulated since childhood, ensuring that they hit her sensitive areas just like she hits mine. A sort of insult *game theory*, if you will. Well, the thing is that I think it actually worked. After that incident I did notice that she refrained from insulting me over the next couple days. But I can't help but feel like an asshole for doing this.
See I just feel like my options are limited. I can do nothing and take the insults and let her walk all over me, I can cut her out of my life completely (which I don't want to do), or I can respond eye-for-an-eye. So am I an asshole in this scenario? We only see each other 3 or 4 times a year, yet I'm honestly more personally attacked in those days than in all the other days of the year combined. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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32v6iUNS6DsAxTujA2MDC6lKojFwiV2W | abd1s8 | {
"description": "not wanting to support my parents after I get a job",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to support my parents after I get a job? | Let me start by saying that I'm 17 (aka I don't know what the fuck I'm doing or what I'm going to do honestly), and where I come from, "close family ties" is basically branded onto our culture, and any deviation from it will probably get you disowned. And I always felt really guilty for not being as close to my immediate and extended family more than other people. The first few years of my childhood, my parents weren't around very much because they had to work and let my grandparents and great-grandmother babysit me (until my mom quit her job to be a full-time mom at the age of 4).
My dad is a very short-tempered man, and to be fair, he had a shitty hand dealt to him early in life, but still, he hit me with a belt. He hit me at the slightest misbehavior (like staying out a little too late or eating candy when I shouldn't have) whenever he was home, and he wasn't very shy about insults either--I got pretty high grades (in elementary) and was always on the top of my class, but he always made scathing remarks about grades that went slightly down; the words "lazy" and "a burden" were used often, and my mom never really stopped him. Nor did he ever once apologized for it.
As a 4 to 9-year-old kid, I didn't really know any better and thought that it was normal, and I spent a lot of time feeling guilty of the boiling resentment I had for him.
I endured that kind of treatment for a couple more years and then went on to high school (or 7th grade, it's already considered high school here)--and I got my first failing grade--in Mathematics.
I tried to explain to him that I was in a bit of a culture shock from having classes in elementary that were from 7-1 PM, to a whopping 7 AM-6PM, a much more intense workload and a commute to and from home that took two hours, versus the 15 minute walk home from elementary--it's a prestigious school where I'm from, and possibly a prison (and I'm still here for my senior high school or 11th and 12th Grade).
And they got angry. Really angry. So much so that after I told them that I failed, my father threw all of the shit I use for school and raked through them one by one. I got screamed for doodles on the back of my notebooks even though my notes for most subjects were complete, or scraps of paper in my bag. He called me a failure, a burden, a pig--every name in the book, and my mother did nothing to stop him.
He slapped me on the face twice and even threw some of my notebooks in the garbage (I had to pick them out of our trash can when he wasn't around). That sent my self-esteem spiraling down for the next 4 years.
Yet in his good moods or whenever we're around other relatives, he'd always say that I was going to be the one who'd build him a house and buy him a car once I get a job. And it takes every bone in my body to stop myself from telling him "Oh fuck no,". And every time I express that to someone close to me, they would say "But they're your parents," and that's that to them.
They had their redeeming qualities, they didn't mistreat me by starvig me or neglecting me, we were pretty well-off and like I said my dad has had a pretty rough past himself, and I love them, but I've always had a burning resentment for both of them. And I snapped and told them exactly that recently--needless to say, they were pissed and called me all the names I've heard before, plus a new one--"ingrate". And all the people I told about this incident have told me that was the biggest asshole thing to say to the people who raised me, except a few friends and my boyfriend.
Sorry for the long post, but I ask this because I've been very conflicted about this for a longest time, and in a culture of "family always comes first" where I grew up in, I always felt massively guilty for not wanting anything to do with my parents after I get a stable job. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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6dAoAbPm0sYRyWYjQ4IOKadLJtXvaj7p | 9tqux7 | {
"description": "being hurt about my ex hanging out with her ex in my house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For being hurt about my ex hanging out with her ex in my house? | I hosted a party relatively fresh after a breakup. I live with my now ex. And she brought her ex (that came before me) to the party and they were acting all close. They haven’t talked to seen each other in months. So it was pretty sudden. I told her it hurt me a little and she went off on me. Am I the asshole for being hurt? Or is she the asshole for bringing her ex into our home after recently breaking up? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
rkISue57pQfIVdJJBcQC5mgt3Fg1gtt9 | aiibyr | {
"description": "walking out of class to finish a project in another class",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for walking out of class to finish a project in another class? | So this has been bothering me for the better half of the week and I honestly dont know if I'm an asshole for this. For context she often makes it seem like her class is the most important despite the fact that her class consists of dialoguing about hot button issues (race relations, gender identity etc). I don't have an issues with that and will gladly try to participate in the conversation on a regular basis. The issue is that it's nearing the end of the semester and I was very close to failing my ceramics class if I didn't finish the current project I was doing in time something most of my teachers understand with the exception being my yearbook and dialougs teacher. Throughout the day I had been peaking in and out of the art room to finish my project after I had done all the work in the class I was in and would ask of I could go most of which said yes then I took it from class to class to try and get it think enough to go into the kiln and not explode something I had been avoiding all year long by the skin of my teeth. As I was hollowing out the final side of the project I accidentally broke through it while it was almost as hard as it could be without it being fired. For those who aren't really into ceramics like that THAT WAS A BIG FUCKING DEAL TO ME. It was nothing to major but it was something that would take around 3-5 minutes to fix which thankfully I could do while we weren't doing anything in my 6th hour because we were officially done with the class right? Nope she wanted me in class because allegedly all I use her class for is for errands. To be fair I am also in yearbook and sometimes run out in the final 5 minutes of class to grab a camera or to talk to the yearbook teacher but for the most part I try to stay in class and participate. Well on this particular day it was a thing that depended on me graduating on time and me having a delayed graduation in August. So I asked her politely if I could run down to the art room, fix a small hole and then turn it in. Something which wouldn't take me all of 7 minutes max. She says no. I try to reason I already have an A in the class and that I needed to turn it in so I could pass that class. She still says no. By the third time my patience is running thin because otherwise I would be doing nothing except failing. She suggests I stay after school to finish it. A great idea under normal circumstances but unfortunately that day I had drivers training of which I had to walk to and I couldn't stay for long seeing as we already get out later than I would really prefer. She then suggests I finish it tomorrow. Again a great suggestion if not for the fact that it was just under bonedry (the state in which clay becomes it's hardest and most fragile until fired). I explain both of the reasons why I couldn't take those suggestions. Finally she tells me to sit down and I'm at a crossroads, do I leave and finish this or stay and possibly fail a class. Well I obviously left and finished the project and went back to class the fix and turn in process taking around 5-7 minutes at most. By the time I return I am informed that that day I wouldn't get any points for the day because I disoeyed her instructions. Obviously I have no issue with the disobeying her orders part because I did walk out of the class. My question is am I the ass for walking out and disobeying the orders in the first place.
Tl;dr walked out of a class I passed to finish project in a class that I was failing AITA | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
69LCwjA3E1ElaSgzvmzVwjQRh3BNYNkm | asiyip | {
"description": "taking a dog home with me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for taking a dog home with me? | So I have a friend who I visit about 3 times a week. I’ve been at her house numerous times when a skinny, scared chihuahua mix type of dog just appears in the yard. I asked about it and she said it’s the neighbor’s dog and they keep him outside almost exclusively. The first time I saw him he was hiding under my friend’s car to stay dry from the pouring rain. She had some dog treats and I tried to give them to him from a distance but he was visibly scared of me, my friend, and her children. Most of the times that I saw this dog he was hiding under my friend’s shed, car, patio furniture, etc. to keep out of in climate weather.
I didn’t see this take place personally, but I did see a text from the owner saying “throw a stick at him if goes into your yard.” He was a 5lb puppy at the time of these texts. Ive also seen this dog wandering down a very busy main road by their home. That always concerned me, but my friend said they have never cared when someone has informed them of this (this interaction was not something I observed personally or over text) I’ve never met the owners and they don’t know who I am.
One day, it was snowing and the dog was pawing at the door. We let him in and we tried giving him water and food and he ate and drank everything so fast. My friend casually said “do you want a dog?” I thought she was joking and I said something like I would love to give this dog a great home. She then said, he’s here more than he is at his home, so you should take him. And I did. It took awhile for him to not be scared of my boyfriend, brooms, and the bathroom but he is very happy now. I’ve had him for about 2 months.
I took him to the vet immediately after getting him and he had severe fleas and the vet said he needed to gain weight ASAP. And there was no microchip and no reports of lost dogs. So that’s when I felt like he was mine. But since I never met the owners, I feel guilty sometimes. Should I have just called animal control? Or talked to them? I scoured Facebook to see if anyone was looking for a lost dog and I found nothing. I also have started seeing a new dog in their yard and on nearby streets so I’m starting to think they just got a replacement when they couldn’t find theirs? This dog is very new but it seems like they are doing the same thing. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
SHzuSYK0kE1SFoKszwtjDSevftDCHxfH | a13uiy | {
"description": "reporting a friend for sexually themed texts",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for reporting a friend for sexually themed texts? | I've been friends with this kid for years now, but this year I realized he had a crush on me. In the spring, he asked me about my ideal date and what my plan was for prom the upcoming year. I brushed this off, just thinking he was awkwardly friendly.
At the end of last month, things got worse. We were texting each other memes and I made an immature nut joke (a wifi was called saucon, I said "more like saucon deez nuts, haha got em.) He responded with "if you want" followed by "comere bitch, open your mouth." Again I thought he was being just awkward until just under two days later he sent me a text that said "I want you." I responded "yikes" to that message, and he replied with "I WANNA DIE GOD DAMNIT" and other things of the sort.
I identify as a lesbian, and he knows that. He would regularly ask me about a girl I almost had a thing with, including asking about if I wanted to bring her on dates and what I would want to do with her. I thought this was just him maybe trying to get advice on what he should do in the future, but I think I see otherwise now. But, when he was asked about the situation by someone else, he said that I was "some tumblr sexuality from neptune."
I found out at this point he had sort of flirted with two of my other friends, and asked two of my friends that left for college if they were dating anyone and how their life is turning out now that they're not in high school.
With the sexual-ish texts, several of my friends getting texted similar things, him touching my thigh once or twice, and threats of suicide, I went to talk in to what would be the counsellors at my school. Because of the suicide threats, he had to talk to the social worker. From then on, he hasn't been allowed to speak to me.
I feel very bad about this situation because of how close I was with this kid over the years, and I'm starting to think again that I over reacted and maybe he just thought of me as one of the boys. I haven't been able to apologize and I feel very bad. I ended up having several breakdowns in this process and the guilt on my shoulders is insane. I feel like I messed up this kid's life for no reason, especially because I know he suffers from depression, and I worry that I might end up being the cause of something terrible. But, I honestly have no clue how I should feel.
He uses reddit, so if you see this, I'm sorry. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
pd5QefdJaUH6PRo450axIKWa8d970lPt | anyrmm | {
"description": "wanting my roommate to split grocery costs with the rest of us",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my roommate to split grocery costs with the rest of us? | Some background: I live with 3 other people and the first month and a half there were only 2 others. We'll call this new addition, who happens to be the problem in this situation (or so I think), S.
Before S moved in, my other roommates and I had come to an agreement that we would each take turns buying large amounts of groceries that the whole house could use as long as we split the bill. Obviously, if we wanted something just for ourselves that we bought, we would simply tell the other people or put a label on it.
S seemed to be fine with that initially after moving in, but within the last few months she's started saying she no longer wants to be included in our grocery haul/bill splitting because she can't afford it. That would be fine, I respect that, but she then continues to eat the groceries that we buy, and after asking her to split the bill (on more than one occasion) she'll either claim she didn't eat any, claim that she only ate a little and not enough to amount how much we're asking for (usually it's about $25 dollars, and I live in a very expensive state), or remind us that she said she didn't want to be included in groceries.
S seems to have issues with boundaries. If she asks to taste something or borrow something, it usually either doesn't get returned because she's eaten/used it all, or it gets returned with very little left.
We're (myself and my original 2 roommates) trying to get her to understand that she can't have it both ways - we can't afford to buy the amount of groceries we buy either without splitting it, so when she uses the groceries and doesn't pay, it's pretty irritating.
I don't feel like the asshole, I feel perfectly reasonable in wanting her to either split the cost with us or not letting her touch anything we've bought, especially considering her tendency to over-use things, but I wanted to get some outside thoughts in case I perhaps hadn't thought about something rationally from her side.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SfGRrv6l5YSv1imON3BaXsfY1qSZKPlO | aygqof | {
"description": "sprinting to avoid giving classmates contact info",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for sprinting to avoid giving classmates contact info | For some context, I went to a technical school for Computer Aided Drafting. I was the only girl in my year of 5 other guys. I wouldn't say I got special treatment because I was a girl, but because I was nice to everyone, and would often be the snack dump.
I got closest to two of the guys, we'll call them Finn and Wolfy. They were both obsessive furries, and it would show in their own productivity. Often times instead of doing work, they would trace furry art in AutoCAD (a beginner level software made for making perfect lines for drafting purposes, by no means an art program). Finn would often talk about tracing the art, and then putting it on the furry amino as lineart, and since I actually know how to draw, and immersed myself in the community got really pissed at this. He would often do things like this, and never apologized for anything he did. Wolfy was his overweight, chuunibyo buddy (he hissed at me once because I was wearing a hufflepuff shirt and he's a slytherin), and was just about as bad. This went on for about two years. Finn got increasingly cuddly and would share TMI on a weekly basis at the least. He told me he fucked the manager for all the gamestop stores in my area. He was 18 and the manager was almost 30. I felt sick for weeks. Since it was legal, I couldn't take r/prorevenge with it, unfortunately. After he told me this, I knew I was done talking with him, but he got clingier. He would spend more time at my desk than his own, and would follow me around the classroom when I tried to escape. Eventually, it came to the last day. Everyone was passing contact information around, I ignored it until the last bell. Finn was pestering me for it saying things like "this'll be the last time we see each other," yeah I sure hope so buddy. The moment I got outside the building I BOLTED for the car, and didn't look back. Like, proper form, kicking up dirt kind of sprint. I haven't seen him since, and hope I never do again. I feel bad thinking about how he must have looked after I ran. But then I feel no remorse when I remembered why I did it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fBkCdnnK6fDgYWEIKnUyrzhu8PX4Oxjx | anrfwq | {
"description": "potentially cutting off contact with a friend over a lack of a \"thank you\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for potentially cutting off contact with a friend over a lack of a "Thank You"? | Fingers crossed that I have done this right.
TLDR: Friend doesn't say thank you to my family for paying for accommodation for a trip away and was pretty shit with money and paying her fair way throughout whole trip. Angry for the lack of manners and me and other friends who went on the trip considering cutting her out of our lives.
\--------------------------------------------------
Me and a group of friends (6 of us, all 25-35F) have a tradition every year of meeting up for a long weekend to celebrate someone’s birthday once a year. We all live in different cities with different jobs, so it is difficult for all of us to get together so we use this as our chance to all be together (so this is something that is organised well in advance, as in 8-9 months in advance).
I should probably point out at this stage that my family always pay for our accommodation, wherever we go as they are extremely close to some of my friends in the group and they are also generous to a fault.
This year, it was to celebrate my birthday and, as it was quite a big one, we went to a city that is pretty well known for being extortionate (I won’t say where just in case someone connected to our friend group is on here and can connect the dots). Because the city is expensive, the accommodation was also expensive as well but they also contributed money towards food and stuff.
Anyway, one of our friends in the group is known for being careful (sometimes a bit skin-flinty) with her money. She does earn a bit less than the rest of us, so we understand this her situation, but in terms of outgoings (i.e rent, bills) she saves a lot of money in comparison to what the rest of us must pay so it feels like things even out when that is taken into consideration. Throughout the weekend she tried to get out of paying for things as much as she could. She skimped on getting rounds of drink in on the one night we went out for my birthday and said nothing when the rest of us paid out fair way, she didn’t contribute money for taxi’s and on one night kicked off because we went out for a meal and split the bill equally (I should note that she didn’t have an issue with splitting the bill equally, she had an issue with us rounding the split bill up individually so we could all contribute fairly to a good tip for the restaurant staff). That and, at times, she was quite rude to people and some members of the group.
(I feel that the background stuff above is quite important to what is coming next, which is the crux of this post).
A couple of days after we had gotten back, I noticed that the girl in question hadn’t said a “thank you” to my family for paying for the accommodation which everyone else had done. I wasn’t after expensive a bouquet of flowers or anything, just a simple “thank you” on social media/a letter/quick phone call would have done. After I realised this, I was informed by my family that she had never once actually thanked them for the previous times they had done this.
At this point I will admit I was beyond furious and hurt. I cut off all contact with her and in my temper talked to some of the other girls in our group, two of which are my closest friends, about it. They all backed me up and were cutting her off as well, they say partly due to how she acted during the weekend/towards my family and for other reasons which they wouldn’t tell me.
I have calmed down since then and made friendly chat with her because I don’t want to ghost anyone but, at this point, I’m just not interested in keeping up a friendship with her because I don’t really want someone in my life who acts the way she does.
AITA for 1) blowing the whole situation out of proportion, 2) potentially influencing other people’s feelings within this friendship group against this girl, in turn maybe costing her some friends and 3) letting it ruin a pretty decent friendship?
I suppose I’m asking here because I am going back and forth on it. Sometimes I do genuinely feel like I am being the dramatic asshole because she isn’t a nasty person but at the same time I feel so hurt that she doesn’t have the basic common curtesy to say thank you to the special people in my life who went above and beyond to make sure we all had a fantastic time away on top of the other shit she pulled during the weekend. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
zFJnkbGKnEgWtoxd6udQdGd56BZHL7Cb | b7wxuj | {
"description": "telling my sibling that I'm never going to another wedding of theirs again",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for telling my sibling that I'm never going to another wedding of theirs again? | Female, 30s, US, throwaway. On mobile, please forgive typos, etc. TW: child abuse.
TLDR - AITA for never wanting to go to another out-of-state wedding of my sibling's if they invite my abuser?
INFO: Sibling & I are not super close, but not strained. More like friendly acquaintances, esp since they moved out of state, specifically to the state where our DeadBeat Dad lives. Sibling has a good relationship with DeadBeat. I have no relationship whatsoever with DeadBeat, due to the fact that he physically abused me when I was a toddler.
Mom had left him when pregnant with me, then took him back when I was about two or three years old. He was only with us for a year or so, but he beat and derided me pretty consistently throughout, as well as and verbally abusing our Mom and stealing from us/Mom's friends/our neighbors to support his crack cocaine habit.
Because he abused and traumatized me during early childhood development, I now suffer from clinical major depression & generalized anxiety disorder, with regular anxiety- and panic-attacks. I've developed coping strategies, but a large part of me blames my suffering on DeadBeat. I still have vivid dreams and memories about the times he beat me every once in awhile.
So, Sibling doesn't remember this as they were a fetus/infant at the time. DeadBeat was imprisoned for theft and drugs basically right after they were born. They didn't have contact with him until they were already an adult. They grew up without ever knowing him & always had a very romanticized view of what having him in our lives would be like. So when he offered them financial help for their newborn and a place to stay, they jumped at it. Understandable, I guess.
ISSUE: Sibling's 2nd wedding is coming up. DeadBeat will be there. I thought I was going to be able to handle being near him, esp. as Sibling assures me I don't even have to speak to him or his current wife. However, in these past months leading up to this wedding, my panic attacks & overall anxiety have gotten much more frequent, and I've been struggling more with depressive episodes than I have in recent years. The only major change in my life has been this upcoming wedding. I think it's getting to me more than I initially thought it would. Not to mention that it's out of state, and I'm not in the best financial shape, so there's that added stress. I also have student loans/debt & I work a non-salaried/non-hourly job - can't really even afford to be going to this one, but I am. None of this is Sibling's fault, and I haven't told them at all.
I'm going to the wedding. I love Sibling and I want to be part of my niblings' lives. But a few weeks after the event, I plan to tell Sibling that this was a one-time-deal. I'm never going to be near DeadBeat ever again if I can help it.
WIBTA for telling them I'm not going to another event/wedding like this? Or should I just not say anything at all unless the situation arises in the future? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z0SKJ8tR0pS7aC9o4ekvtwjYxfzyaKBK | ajh3yo | {
"description": "telling people to not touch my baby",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling people to not touch my baby? | Okay so I am a first time parent to a beautiful 9 month old daughter. I like to take her out in public as much as possible to stimulate her and get her out of the house.
I’m used to getting oohs and awws and I think it’s sweet when people compliment her, but some people like to take it a step further and try to touch her. I always either pull her away or tell them not to. I don’t think I’m necessarily worried about someone trying to take her, more so just the fact that I don’t know where their hands have been or if they’re sick, since she has a very fragile immune system.
I only had one person that seemed offended so far but idk.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IbrfMjvw9EJDMIDLZg9p6BnIZuPBXr5l | aqvbj5 | {
"description": "saying that my younger brother is brave for quitting alcohol",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for saying that my younger brother is brave for quitting alcohol? | I (25M) come from a family of pretty heavy drinkers. My mother (53F), father (55M), sisters (23F and 28F) and cousins/uncles. Including myself.
Since we're in UK, we can legally start drinking at age 18. My younger brother (20M) started at age 17 and spent the first two years of university really going hard at the drinking culture. When we would drive down to pick him up from university once every few weeks, he'd be really hungover, every single time - like a lifeless zombie. He drank pretty much every day, including day drinking pints of beer too.
At the start of his 3rd year last September, he made the decision to completely quit drinking alcohol forever. He said he had enough of the hangovers and blackouts. Initially none of us in the family took him seriously, neither did his friends, but the weeks rolled by and we realized he was serious...
Now it has been 6 months since he last drank, and I honestly think my family feels threatened...all of them keep trying to pressure him into having a drink, but he doesn't budge. After I had a heart to heart with him, he told me his drinking was really bad, and that his hangovers would last days even. I then told him that I'm incredibly proud of him, and that he's inspired me to stop drinking too (1 week sober so far).
So my dad asks my why my brother hasn't drank and how he needs to "lighten up", I tell my dad that what my brother did is an incredibly brave thing to do at his age, and my dad tells me to shut up and calls me an asshole....he goes on to say that "You're discrediting real brave people like soldiers and firemen when you use words like bravery so casually". My mum agreed him with too....I'm lost for words | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
iOsBj30Mx3zX0YaYNPktGx6CawjHwqnR | b0nfut | {
"description": "possibly not wanting a second child",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for possibly not wanting a second child? | I have a beautiful, smart (ass) 18 month old girl. I was an only child growing up, but my wife had a sister and brother. She wants a sibling for our daughter because she had one.
I'm honestly not ready. I don't want to have another kid. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
uCl529zQa0vPcZu80QEcn2ngtrKTvJB2 | aaqi60 | {
"description": "cancelling on my best friend last minute coz I was ill",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cancelling on my best friend last minute coz I was ill? | So during the Xmas break, I had planned to meet up with my best friend for some early dinner. I was all up for it till the morning when I felt really ill and feverish. I texted her and asked her if we could move to a later time and she said yes. I told her I wasn’t feeling well either.
About an hour before meeting up, I was feeling much much worse and told her I’d have to cancel and gave her the reasons why. I said sorry lots of times coz I know cancelling an hour before is not a decent thing to do but at the same time I didn’t want to spread what I had and I wasn’t going to be good company. All I wanted was sleep.
She seemed to accept it and be friendly but now (4 days after) she’s sent me a barrage of “funny” yet rather annoyed messages about her missing an event, having gotten up early and ready, and arranging child care.
I feel really really bad about the child situation . I don’t have one myself but I can appreciate that sorting out childcare is not easy and i didn’t even think about it. And I have apologised a whole bunch of times again but nothing yet. Am I an asshole for cancelling last minute? Coz I certainly feel like one now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CwlMyYQoKu6Tty59ojDM0my8y7NoLFAq | ataq0e | {
"description": "not doing a few hours of art for a college club I'm in",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I didn't do a few hours of art for a college club I'm in? | I'm a college student and an artist in my free time and I'm in a club which puts on a large event each year. They needed a mascot so there was a competition to draw one and I won the competition by drawing a more intricate cartoony character. Here's an [example](https://imgur.com/a/UbLIenB) of what my art generally looks like and the character looks kind of like that. It all seemed to be going well and people liked the character well enough but the president of the club decided to replace the original character with a version where she traced over it, but now the previous shading isn't there. She added some more details but she also made the line work a lot less intricate and changed the character's face around in a way that makes it not my style. I'm not the best artist in the world but I think my piece looked more dynamic.
I normally would just be a little bit bummed out by this, but she's asking me to do all of the shading on the new version. She also saved all of the layers of colors onto the same layer which would make it take way more time since I would have to undo all of that. I could theoretically do it faster but I don't really feel like treading over old ground in the first place. I offered to just add in the details on the original version(without changing the face), but she said that she would really prefer if I redid the shading instead of taking the faster route. I like my version and I don't really feel like spending the extra time, but I know that I should try to fall in line with what the club tells me to do. She wants it for tomorrow which I could but I would prefer not to. Would I be the asshole if I just added in the details on the original version? I know she thinks the newer version looks best and that she's the president but I don't want to redo my own work, especially since I think it looks better as the original version. I don't want to be rebellious for no good reason so I want to know if I should take the extra time. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cOGUt81t92j6A7CKV5parThSgjZrlXfD | aaa4xi | {
"description": "staying up",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for staying up? | Hi, this is practically a short novel so I'll probs make a tldr at the bottom.
So, me and my partner live in a single, small bedroom.
We've just had our second heated argument over this in two days.
He gets tired much earlier than I do, and I have had pretty bad insomnia the last couple of days.
It all started on Christmas eve, I wanted to be awake in the day so I could spend time with my mum as I haven't spent Christmas with her in almost 2 years and I wanted to make her happy. This of course meant I had to stay up, as our schedule isn't norma. My bf fell asleep at about 7am and I knew if I fell asleep i'd wake up in the evening on Chrismas eve and wouldn't be there for dinner on Christmas. So yeah, I stayed up until about 11pm and fell asleep. I was not purposefully loud. I sat at my desk and watched my netflix show, headphones in and just did my do. It's winter, I'm asthmatic and have a chest infection and I'm coughing a lot. So that would have been the loudest thing that came from me. He was really, really angry at this but I told him that it was because I wanted time with my mum and he sort of understood.
Now, yesterday literally as I was laying in bed after an amazing night, I realized I had ran out of all of my meds and asthma pumps. It was past 8am so I told him I was gonna hop up for a couple of hours and see if I could go to the doctors and pick up my meds then join him again (I wasn't tired like he was and it was running through my mind and driving me insane.) So i got up and sat on the chair, looking at my phone. He started saying "I fucking hate it when you do this, you keep me up all fucking night. Just text your mum to do it"
I stuck my hands up and said "I didn't think of that"
I apologized, texted my mum.
Normally, we spoon and cuddle and all is good. I got back in to bed and he just sorta half heartedly cuddled me for a minute before turning away from me. I could feel that he was pissed off at me. I notice he doesn't have any duvet, so I take the opportunity to I don't know, communicate I guess. I say "Don't you want any duvet?"
He's definitely awake, itching and huffing when I say it.
This upsets me so I say in a completely neutral tone "Or you can just ignore me, that's fine too" which I admit is kind of passive aggressive. I turn over and try to sleep. I can't as the anxiety and tension I felt from what was happening was overwhelming. So I lay on my back and my bf turns over towards me, still awake. I just wanted it to stop and I just wanted to sleep so I say "Hey, can we just squeeze?" He didn't respond so I said something along the lines of "Can we just stop? Why are you being like this?" (Probably wrong choice of words) and then shit just kicked off.
He started screaming about how he was tired and that I never let him sleep and I tried to explain to him that I just wanted to sort my medications out and I didn't think of just texting someone else to do it and that I literally just wanted to go to bed with him now. This didn't solve anything. He threw a bottle across the room in which I thought hit my cat so I yelled. He started telling me to leave and go back to my mums and shit. Then we both just kind of agreed to stop talking and talk about it the next day. We lay in bed, I'm sick and snotty and sniffily. This is gross but I had loads of phlegm in my lungs so I was trying to clear it out so it made a little bit of noise, but this threw him over the edge and he stormed out and locked himself in the bathroom. The bathroom is damp, leaky and to be quite honest, pretty dirty. He was trying to sleep on the floor. I came to the door and said "Come out please, just come to bed" eventually I got him out and he went back to sleep in bed.
Fast forward to this morning. We have a discussion about why he was pissed off and why I got 'passive aggressive' with him. He kept saying I was massively disrespecting him as the slightest things wake him up and I chose to stay awake. I tried explaining that I wasn't tired like he was. Am I supposed to sit up in the dark? I can't do anything if he's trying to sleep. I suggested he get some ear plugs but he complained that he can hear his heartbeat and it freaks him out.
I tried explaining that if I do my own thing - its me being 'distant' but I can't do my own thing at the end of the day because this happens.
He said that I can do what I want and he's not stopping me. We eventually talk it over and I genuinely understood that he was tired and just wanted to sleep. We leave it and have another pretty decent day.
Fast forward to a few hours ago.
I was chilling with him and drawing. As I was drawing, he fell asleep. There was still a whole bunch of shit on the bed, his tv and light was left on so I figured i'd finish my drawing. He was out cold at this point, mouth wide open. I got on my computer to fix colours and stuff in photoshop. I then get a phonecall from my mum who couldn't sort out my meds the previous day and I still didn't have my pumps. Anyway, she called me and said "I have 2 hours off, if you're awake now I can take you to get them"
I said yes as I NEED them and told her I just needed to call doctors to see if they put my prescription in. Today was the last day until after new years that I could sort this out as the doctors closes for the year today. I called my doctors, sorted everything out and got my prescription transferred to a chemist so I can pick it up tomorrow instead of today so I could go to bed.
So, everything is finally sorted out and I get into bed. I spoon him and ask if I could share one of his pillows, very quietly. He basically told me to fuck off and that I'm a selfish cunt and I tried explaining that it was my last chance to get this sorted out. He turned and shoved me angrily and started throwing things across the room at the wall. I told him to stop being aggressive and he said that I didn't listen to anything that he said earlier in the day.
The thing is, I did. It's just some really fucking unfortunate timing as I need my pills and pumps over the new years, and I don't have any and its literally my last chance to sort it out. If i was to sleep, I wouldn't get anything for at least another week or two.
He seems to think I'm trying to hurt him. I apologized and explained but he just doesnt listen and every time I'd say anything, he threw shit across the room so, I don't know if I'm missing something. I was as quiet as I could be. Am I just a cunt? I'm now sleeping on his mums sofa crying because he won't even lay in the same bed as me. This is fucking breaking me.
Please, am I really being as big a cunt as he says I'm being?
TLDR; my sleep deprived boyfriend is furious at me for staying up later to sort out some errands for a couple of days. We have a messed up schedule and live in a (6x6) room with two cats. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ei0PeOg0tlAqH6FM9A4uQqfV8XaEudtl | ania1l | {
"description": "asking my brother to wait to propose to his GF",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 128
} | AITA for asking my brother to wait to propose to his GF? | (Throwaway because friends/family know my regular reddit)
For background, it was a longstanding fear of mine that my brother (2 years younger than me) would get married before I did. He and his girlfriend have been dating 8 years so this seemed like a possibility. I talked to him about it numerous times and he always said he wouldn't do that, they didn't really care about being married or not, etc.
Then on New Years, my boyfriend of 2 years proposed. Our wedding is set for 11 months from now. My brother and his girlfriend were both extremely happy for us and everything seemed great.
However, yesterday out of the blue my brother informed me that he was planning to propose this summer. I mean, what? He can't just wait until after my wedding to keep his promise?
I told him that I was hurt by this breach of our agreement but he said I was out of line because he still wouldn't be getting married before me, and he said I didn't have a say in whether he proposes or not. He even went on to say he thought our original agreement was ridiculous (so then why did you agree to it?) and that I have "no right to police when other people get engaged" (for the record, I wasn't policing, it was a discussion we had several times where I shared my fears and he said he would respect that).
I don't get why he would want to propose in the middle of someone else's engagement - it's less exciting for them, causes more stress and planning for everyone, and is just a blatant attention grab. I feel like this is almost as bad as proposing at someone else's wedding.
AITA for asking my brother to keep his promise and wait to propose until after our wedding? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 128,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 128
} | WRONG |
YMawRdGocYyDpwodTLuJsWYlUXk1dPMN | autggn | {
"description": "taking issue with my add boyfriend's struggle with my boundaries",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for taking issue with my ADD boyfriend's struggle with my boundaries? | I've (16F) been dating my boyfriend (16M) for almost 5 months and he's the best. He's smart and funny and kind to me and we're both very lucky and happy. We don't have a lot of issues, except I have some trauma based anxiety around being touched and he's very touchy, plus he's ADD, which gives him a tendency to touch me without thinking and forget.
I really need the ability to initiate physical affection and pace myself. I say this to him near daily and I still find myself being smothered and I'm terrified I'm going to resent him for it. The thing is, his ADD really does leave him prone to forgetting. But, part of me takes really serious issue with the idea that there's a part of him that sees me like a stress ball. And, it's been happening so long that I don't know what to do, but I don't want to belittle him for something he can't help. I don't want to break up with him, and I don't want to guilt him, but nothing is working.
Tonight, it came up, and I got kind of heated. I explained to him exactly why I get anxious about it (it's not a fun backstory) and said that I'm worried about starting to resent him and I need him to change his behavior immediately. Looking back, I'm worried I'm expecting him to meet a bar that's unrealistic.
TL;DR: I love my boyfriend, but I don't always like being touched and he's very touchy, and as clear as I am about my boundaries, he says he forgets and it's his ADD, and I'm harboring anger at the idea that there's a part of him that sees me as something to fidget with. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9Lwr9tN2ypFSChUwRkxC07qrMKDzWq0c | ar0sq7 | {
"description": "calling out my friend's girlfriend on her bullshit, and then dropping that very same friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For calling out my friend’s girlfriend on her bullshit, and then dropping that very same friend? | So this friend in question, Jack. (I changed names out of respect) He walks up to me in class and tells me that this girl I’ve been interested in and talking to for a few months was talking shit about me and to forget about her and find someone else. I text the girl in question and she tells me it was a miscommunication and she was talking about Jack’s girlfriend Jessica.
So the girl I’ve got a crush on has her friend text Alexis. She sent her a screenshot of what I said which is vital in this story.
So a couple of hours later. Jessica logs onto Jack’s Instagram account and starts sending me Rapper lingo and illiterate bullshit. She calls me ‘squid ward’ and says no one cares about my ugly ass. I was very confused but then she says keep my name out of her mouth. I told her I literally said nothing mean about her or not even anything at all really. Then she says she has the screenshot. Then she said the screenshot had been deleted. And then she called me an ugly faggot. I was mature enough to just reply with one word answers and nothing much.
So then an hour later Jack texts me and says he’s going to slam my fucking head through a wall if I say anything about Jessica ever again. I explained to Jack what happened and then he says. “you’re in a bullshit mindgame with some lying dumb slut. I’m being a good friend by trying to help you.” I was really pissed off and annoyed with this response. So the. I said. “Are you serious. I’m done with you.” And then I decided to not text him again. And then he says. “Text me again Tim when you have an STD.”
Mind you this was not the only time Jack told me to forget about that one girl. I don’t want to put up with some douchebag and his pretentious Woah-Vickey-esq girlfriend.
So am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QfRAB0uDNQNyndOya0Bmp1yW7uyAuaZw | b4ww5t | {
"description": "being jealous of my friend's relationship before he passed",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being jealous of my friend’s (f) relationship before he passed? | One of my closest friends has been in a relationship with this guy, we’ll call him Ben, for four months. Me and him became very close friends. Probably closer than I have been with her. I developed a crush on him but obviously never acted on it.
I went to stay at her house for the week, and me and her boyfriend ended up taking opioids. I have never taken them before. Me and the girl had a slight argument as whilst high I was lying with my head on his legs and this made her uncomfortable. I got upset with what she was saying to me and he gave me a cuddle and told me he wished he had met me first. Nothing else happened. He gave me a kiss on the head and went to bed. I was woken up by the girl on Friday morning to her crying saying we had to call an ambulance because he had OD’d and unfortunately he died. I have been distraught. She has obviously been posting on Social Media about how upset she is, with all these pictures and I feel terrible because of how jealous I feel that she got to spend those months with him instead of me. Am I a horrible person for being jealous? I feel like I am. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
wnVqkEO24okDVnecIAf3mfTlPGNDhcIn | 9y4scu | {
"description": "refusing to hook up with this guy",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for refusing to hook up with this guy ? | Okay so I'm bi male 20yo. This happened around 3 -4 months ago. Around that time I realized that I like guys too, but now that I look back I've always liked em. so I install grindr for some fun. Mind you I've never been with other guys and the country I live in, most of people are homophobe and don't understand concept of homosexuality\refuse to understand it.
So now after browsing through grindr I find this guy who seems cool, so i message him we get along pretty well. He suggests we meet up but I was feeling sick(later I had treatment for UTI). So we avoid it and later that day we exchange nudes. And after sometime I tell him that I need to read because I had mid term exam tommorow and he replies that he feels "used". Now I was frustrated because I felt like a bad guy and I told him that I don't expect anything serious or anything because I was new in it and I don't really know where is it gonna go.he said ok.
After sometime we plan on doing "it" at my house. But that same exact day I fell sick again. Had mild stomach cramp and cold and after thinking it through my parents were home and this may end up really bad. Now I told him let's not do it today which he takes really badly and says that he is dissappointed. Now me feelings bad I tell him let's do it anyways and I say I'm sure, at this point I just want to be done with it.so I go to pick him up and it's raining like a motherfucker which made me grumpy. At this point I'm freaking out and realized/get scared that this might get fucked up if my mom finds out who btw lives one floor down. So I tell him after meeting him that let's not do this because my mom is home and I feel sick. And I leave and in the way to home I realized that I left that guy in a middle of rain with a fucked up bike. I arrive home and message him that I'm sorry for leaving him there. after that he messaged me that I don't have human decency to help him which I agree that I was a dick (but I literally freaked out and forgot). His last message was "go to hell" but i apologized for leaving him there hanging. But I don't know AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
Oqv5hxqZfzZApdHaMMkx7o9irWP9vJYW | a8sz9r | {
"description": "stealing an elitist's loot",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA [GAMING] For stealing an elitist's loot. | This is in response to a post where someone was wanting more "assholes stepping forward" posts. I believe I'm the asshole here, but I've seen enough instances where my morality differs from this subreddit's consensus, that maybe this will be seen as righteous indignation.
A Warcraft story that only gamers are going to really understand, but I'll try to explain it so anyone can participate. This is something that happened a few years back and it's fueled by a lot of ego and bias on my part. I acknowledge this was a retaliatory dick move, the real question is "was it justified"
A little background, in Warcraft, there's two main types of players, those that prefer to fight players, and those that prefer to fight bots (computer control enemies). There is a lot of friction between the two types of player and the game has a tendency to force them together when certain rewards are only available from a specific activity. This is one such instance.
I group up with four random players I don't know and we go to a dungeon. Early on, the party leader mentions how he's there for a super rare mount, and that he's been rerunning that dungeon all month and can't get it to drop. I don't care about mounts, I generally don't care about anything that doesn't help me kill players more effectively, so I have genuinely negative interest in this mount. A short while into the dungeon the leader goes off on me when he notices I don't have the optimal raider build and am completely geared towards killing players, a very common sentiment I get from raiders who are often the "you will play this very specific way, or you are less than garbage" type. I just take it, and keep my head down. He doesn't go so far as to throw me out.
Later on, we get to a boss that wipes the entire party. I am the last one alive, and the boss is at ~25%. When it turns to me, I blow all my defensive abilities including three I specifically only had access to because I was a PvPer. I manage to down the boss alone,... right before collapsing from poison damage. But the boss is downed, the entire party is singing my praises and the leader just goes super quiet. And I pulled it off specifically because I didn't play like the elitist wanted me to.
Now, this is the optimal outcome. I proved the viability of my playstyle and the other guy is eating crow... but this wasn't enough for me. When we got back to the boss, the mount I had no interest in, that was the fruit of several hours of work for the raider, dropped. Loot drops are determined by virtual dice rolls, everyone that wants an item rolls, highest roll gets the item. Everyone knew he wanted it, and no one else rolled. But I fucking did. Because fuck that guy for doubting me. When we get outside the dungeon, he's begging to buy it from me. Right in front of him, I permanently soul bind the mount to myself "Maybe next month" I mount up, and ride away.
I my opinion, I am the asshole. Insist want that mount and never would have rolled for it had he not fucked with me. I didn't need to keep going on this guy, I had already won. But I wanted to. I'm not sorry, I'm fucking proud. Even now, that day was the only time I used that ugly raptor, but I like to look at it from time to time, and just smile. Because fuck that guy. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
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