id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
xj4pqKZQ8FoQp5C6aR21UVd9BV690i2e | a6s0ia | {
"description": "cutting off my best friend and ghosting him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for cutting off my best friend and ghosting him? | I kept in touch with my best friend in high school and we used to talk everyday and hang out once a week. We pretty much grew up together.
One time last year I took him to a strip club and ever since then he gradually would be hitting the clubs every week. When i stopped agreeing to go cuz I thought it was honestly a waste and it was a one time thing. I probably went like five times after with him because that’s the only time we could hang out. He still has no job and still just saves his money from either parents or etc to spend it all the club. He still is going to school and not making any progress. Pretty much he hasn’t grown up
I spoke with him about a month ago and whenever we speak it’s only regarding the club. Honest to god, We can’t even talk about nothing else. So one day so just ghosted him and never looked back. I blocked his number and just feel super guilty for leaving him behind because we were so tight but I felt like it’s the right thing to do. Am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
4KiponzouRYJ54ZukGdok3ZU8424Xcsv | a6rpfd | {
"description": "leaving my boyfriend on a Saturday night after he joked about me being sick",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for leaving my boyfriend on a Saturday night after he joked about me being sick? | My boyfriend and I spend weekends together. On Friday morning I texted him saying I’m coming down with a cold so I won’t see him that night. On Saturday I wasn’t feeling better, but we made plans to hang out at his, make soup and watch a movie.
I was running a slight fever but first had to prepare dinner for my family, then make a run to the supermarket for soup ingredients. By the time I got to his I was wet from rain and cold, and feeling miserable. I was getting started on soup in his kitchen when my boyfriend moved out of my way making a cross sign with his fingers, “stay away, you infected person!”.
My feelings were hurt. I should have been home in bed. In any case why was I, the sick person, making soup for the two of us? I couldn’t imagine the rest of the evening keeping my distance as to not infect him. I figured I would be more comfortable in my own bed so I bailed, leaving the soup half made on his stove. He says he was joking, and doesn’t understand why I left, and is now being kind of cold.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
rpu0CkEYiFvnQrHMmHCakJsO0vQRogVL | ah7hh7 | {
"description": "not wanting to get my baby sister to sleep every night",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to get my baby sister to sleep every night? | So, some background. Recently got done with high school and during the daytime I babysit my little sister who is barely a year old. Most of the time my mom gets home around five in the afternoon, and my step dad stays out late on most weekdays. At that point I usually help make dinner or other things, as I don't have to watch my sister anymore because my mom is home and other siblings. I consider myself done for the day.
When it's time for everyone to go to bed, I'm more often than not, worn out and ready to sleep. A lot of times my mom or stepdad will hand over my baby sister for me to put to sleep. They say they are tired and have to work, or that it's my job to get her to sleep. I wake up just as early as them to take care of my sister. I also am saving my mother tons of money on daycare by doing this for only $400 a month. What do you guys think, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CDqr6LCcNuNsUavoi84yiHDhG5SbKaAR | atwhi6 | {
"description": "calling out of work to dj a wedding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for calling out of work to DJ a wedding | So last week I put my two weeks in to chick fil a. I’ve been working there since I was 16. I just turned 18 and now starting a new position in my dads business. On my free time I like to DJ, and in around October I found a connection in a DJ company through a family member. I’ve been working with him a few times a month on the weekends doing mostly weddings. He even let me DJ a schools homecoming by myself when one weekend his company was slammed with events. Usually the jobs are on Saturday, and I’m always scheduled Saturday to work at chick fil a. I usually somehow find a cover. But this week has been impossible to find anyone. It really only made sense for me to call out. Next week is my last week anyway? I don’t care about this place anymore. Calling out of an 8 hour hot ass kitchen shift at chick fil a, which consists of mostly old and very irritating people, vs $100 to help DJ a wedding (and get paid the day of)
Of course I’m already getting texts from mad co workers.... sorry? I’m doing what I love and making money doing it.
I’m not an asshole right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
cNo3kuvv4yC4YJGT9qcw3PBj4TC58BxS | a5zcbo | {
"description": "serving a customer exactly what he asked for even though he said he was also allergic",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for serving a customer exactly what he asked for even though he said he was also allergic? | This happened back in 2013, but a recent post reminded me of it. I used to work as a server at Olive Garden, and one afternoon, this guy came in for lunch. Before ordering, he let me know that he had a minor allergy to garlic, and he asked if there was any way to alter items on the menu. I let him know that pretty much everything on our menu has garlic in it, and if it's in a sauce, we won't be able to make it without it. He said he understood. He then proceeded to order some kind of pasta dish with red sauce that has garlic in it, a salad with italian dressing that has garlic. he went through 2 baskets of garlic breadsticks, and he asked for them to have garlic. I made sure to let him know how much garlic was in everything he was ordering, and while he was eating, I checked in on him a couple of times to make sure everything was fine, and he gave me a nod or a thumbs-up.
When it came time for him to finish up, he looked visibly agitated, and he said he needed his check because he had to leave. He paid, and left in quite a hurry and he didn't tip me!
Was it my fault that a man with a garlic allergy came to OLIVE GARDEN? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Y8O6YVUOo4tRmGnvsrK3Xb0oEnIgPFy7 | aw6dmn | {
"description": "telling my friend her relationship began as predatory",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 26
} | AITA for telling my friend her relationship began as predatory? | I’m not afraid to speak my mind, especially when I’ve had a few drinks. I’ve had this conversation with her before privately when we first met, but it came up last night and she ended up leaving because she felt upset.
Essentially my friend has been dating her boyfriend for 6 years now, and their relationship isn’t strange at all. They are almost exactly two years apart, now 20 and 22. They are family friends and began dating secretly at the time. My point is, it’s weird that a 16 year old was ever interested in a 14 year old, no matter how “mature” she was.
I’m not going to go into deep detail, but in my opinion when they started dating it was predatory because he had “easy access” to someone who is, in my opinion, significantly more mature. In the teen years, every single year you mature a huge amount. I understand that some boys mature slower than girls, but I wasn’t friends with anyone who was interested in 13 year olds when we were 15, 14 and 16, or 15 and 17. The people I knew back home who were dating girls younger them were commonly referred to as pedos and predators because they are taking advantage of girls who know no better.
Obviously, their relationship has worked out, and no a 20 year old dating a 22 year old is not strange to me at all. Last night though, we were all sat around having a few drinks (10ish of us) we started bickering (which, I honestly don’t remember how, I was very inebriated). It got personal very quickly, and she made an underhand jab at me, at which I replied “at least my boyfriend isn’t a pedophile.”
She was very upset by this, and started getting in my face and putting words in my mouth to which I replied, quite meanly, “there is a difference between giving consent and being taken advantage of.” After which she left for a cigarette and went back to her flat.
I can agree that the way I brought it up was insensitive, and I am going to apologise for the way I put my points across and the fact that there were other people around probably made her feel humiliated. However, I don’t think my actual points are wrong. Some of our friends are saying they disagree with me, and that maturity levels are different between different people, while others totally agree with me, saying that there is too much of a gap at that age — and the fact that he had easy access to a younger girl is taking advantage of her.
So, Tl;DR: I told my friend that her dating a 16 year old when she was 14 was predatory. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 26
} | WRONG |
IDUNzS22IKnRINLcTT7oRThDUHImJ4Bf | b2s905 | {
"description": "refusing to help clean",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA For refusing to help clean? | My sister treats me like shit so im in my room 99% of the time and when I do spend time in the rest of the apartment I clean up after myself. However my mom always tells me I have to clean the mess everywhere else (not my room which I do clean) and I refuse as it is 100% her and my sisters mess, so AITA for refusing to clean anywhere I dont go or use? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
eiyZcuuOmy0Uiy3niE5YeqPFBxOAOcPq | aeblhw | {
"description": "not wanting to spot someone on the bench press because I wouldn't be able to lift his weight",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I didn’t want to spot someone on the bench press because I wouldn’t be able to lift his weight | So at the gym, I walk by the bench press and a pretty big dude asks if I can be his spot. I pause for a second and ask how much he’s lifting. He says 270ish! As someone who barely lifts 1 plate, I politely said I don’t think I could as I would be able to lift the weight if he needed help.
Well, he kinda looks confused and everyone around me kinda gives me the stink eye....anyway, someone bigger volunteered and every thing went on as normal. So was I the asshole in that situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CLPNkOqC4fw7rJAkEAU50FAv4jkCjD2r | awzeib | {
"description": "explicitly stating I am not going to contact my autistic brother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for explicitly stating I am not going to contact my autistic brother? | My brother and I used to live together until eight months ago or so. We had lived together and talked daily in passing for at least six years. He moved out because he needed to (30, living in the basement, smelled, and never had a job or tried to find one) and I was getting married. We talked and I offered to be the one to leave, but he chose to go instead so I didn’t kick him out.
After that, he didn’t call. He didn’t write. He didn’t initiate contact once. He would take many days to reply to a text and be upset if I suggested social norms suggested texting back sooner than 6 days. I have only seen him for major holidays because of my parents and because months later he still hadn’t changed his address so he would pick up mail. Even when he was at a holiday he would be alone on his computer.
After months of almost no contact after living with him and talking to him daily, I indicated I was very hurt that he did not seem to want me in his life and that he never expressed any indication that he loved me or even cared about me. I even asked him when the last time he said I love you to anyone was. His reply was less than a week ago. He has not once ever said this to me. Not once.
At that point, all I felt was mourning the loss of a brother. It’s like he vanished from my life and like the only reason he talked to me before was because we lived together, not because he wanted to. It felt like the whole time I was living a lie. So I told him I wanted a relationship with him, but he had to be the one to initiate contact. It hurts me every time I contact him and he doesn’t... do... anything and he just sounds like he wants to stop talking and be left alone. He told me I was being overly sensitive and emotional and that he did want a relationship.
The kicker is he is autistic. I don’t think he feels the same needs in a relationship as I do. I don’t think he wants a monthly phone call and doesn’t understand why I do. He doesn’t understand why I’m sad, though I have explained myself. I think he is being hurtful and showing that he does not care about a relationship with me. I specifically stated what I needed from a relationship with him if he wanted to have one (which wasn’t much, just a 5 minute phone call once a month and maybe actually doing something on holidays with his family instead of his computer). He couldn’t be bothered to humor me for five minutes once a month. I’ve done so many things to humor him and his quirks. Even if I don’t understand why he wants things, I’ll go along with it. And he won’t do the same.
So I said I’m not going to contact him again because it hurts too much. Now my parents are calling me wrong for not engaging with him and that I should tolerates these hurtful behaviors from him “because he is different.”
So am I the asshole for not contacting a brother who doesn’t seem to care anyways? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
vOldySD1yGSInnBrtn21bwcCEqyI6HmK | ap3ur1 | {
"description": "saying my bestfriend hair was ridiculous",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for saying my bestfriend hair was ridiculous? | So, lets say shes karen
Karen boyfriend, is moving to another state, and her grandmother died about a month ago. So she started "changing her style", and colored her hair and made a REALLY ridiculous haircut. She looked like these cartoon kids w green hair. If wasn't THAT bad i wouldn't say anything. I said to Karen that the haircut was weird and she started crying and said im a idiot.
Im i the asshole?
tl;dr my best friend is passing through bas times and i said to her that his haircut was hilarious | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
lHsaS1sqvOT71Z1Ec8zkpMaQB13PgRG8 | a13p1g | {
"description": "lashing out against my mom because of a cat",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for lashing out against my mom because of a cat? | a little backstory: ive had my cat Tom Brady for 5 months now, shes been the sweetest thing ever and never caused any problems
I was sitting on the living room couch just playing with my phone and allat, when my mom walks in with this smug expression. I thought this was normal so I just said “Morning, mom.” She didnt reply and went straight to the back. When she came back to the living room, my cat was in her carrier.
I asked her “Where are you bringing Tom?” Normally, my mom doesnt care for Tom. I feed her and stuff. My mom says “Didnt you hear? Im selling her to my friend.”. At first I thought she was joking but that tone was so serious. “No, what? Tom’s my cat.” I said to her. I stood up and took the carrier and placed in on the floor. “I dont care, i dont want this smelly animal here.” she yelled at me. At this point im on the brink, I usually have a good temper but when it comes to my cat... oh boy. I lost it when she said “Before this you were okay without a cat”.
I started yelling at her and I brought tom to my room. She banged on the door telling me to stop being so dumb. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 7
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
EaECwczYzmO7e2SDmB0iqOdlykqDzrCY | 9yx3ul | {
"description": "defending my girlfriend from a naked girl in a concert pit",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - I defended my girlfriend from a naked girl in a concert pit | Hey everyone.
It’s been almost two years but I am still upset at a situation I found myself in at a music festival.
Me and my girlfriend were 10-15 rows back standing against the side railing of the pit in front of the stage at a concert during a festival in 2017. It was a pretty high energy show but we put ourselves to the side so we could just watch and have a good view of the stage.
About 5 songs in this naked girl starts running through the crowd. People are visibly upset and asking for security. However, all the security guards are men, and won’t lay their hands on her and are letting her run a rampage in the crowd waiting for the one female guard to come from a stage somewhere else at the festival. Security eventually does talk her into coming to the side of the pit on the gate, right behind us, where they try to talk sense to her, but she keeps screaming and running back into the crowd and returning a couple minutes later. We are about at the 7th song in the set now. She keeps bumping into my girlfriend really rough when she runs in and out of he crowd and my girlfriend can’t reason with her to stop.
The next time she runs over to us the security have her top that she dropped by them before and ask her to put it on. She’s clearly capable, but for whatever reason asks my girlfriend who’s facing away from her for help putting it on. My gf is pissed, and ignores her, and the girl immediately reacts to being ignored by jumping on her back and pushing her to the ground.
I didn’t have time to think about my reaction. I stepped into her and grabbed her wrists, I pinned them to her shoulders, and pinned her to the barricade. I make some kind of speech I can’t remember about her needing to chill out because she isn’t being cool. She freezes. I look around for anybody to come and help me. A friend of hers. Security standing just feet away still watching. The longest 10-15 seconds of my life pass and a security guy plays down what she did as something stupid and they are trying to get help with, let her go.
I took a step back, gave her space, let go of her hands, and security had about 5 seconds to try and talk to her before she began screaming and throwing her arms in the air and running into the crowd barreling through people like the last minute didn’t just happen.
People came up to me on the barrier a handful of times. Telling me that they saw what happened but I need to keep my cool because it would be dumb for me to get kicked out. It sounds like they say it in a way that they sound to me like they are saying I was wrong. I had a couple people come all the way through the crowd, get my attention, and flip me off and fuck myself for putting my hands on her.
The girl eventually makes her way to the front of the crowd where security pulls her over the rail and out of the concert. The performer sees the naked girl and is impressed by the streaker at her show, and dedicates the next song to her. I feel like a victim in the situation where the person who just knocked over my girlfriend is praised for being a class A jackass... from my perspective obviously.
I’m still not over how angry that day made me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YmpbN7KZLHkWtKNHDUf0Wdcoa5GjASuc | b571m8 | {
"description": "throwing my neighbors doormat in the dumpster after they stole ours first",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for throwing my neighbors doormat in the dumpster after they stole ours first? | Backstory. My wife and I lived in an apartment complex. One night at 1am someone rang our doorbell 7 times. I answer the door and see my next door neighbor standing in front of his door.
I ask him “did you ring my doorbell?” He mutters “What? No someone just rang my doorbell as well and doorbell ditched me.” I say “okay that’s weird, well goodnight” and go back inside. 10 minutes pass and he knocks on my door. I open the door and he says “Did someone doorbell ditch you again? Someone just did it to me again.” He introduces himself and gives me a dead fish handshake as he slurs his words. He’s obviously on some drugs.I’m eager to just tell him goodnight and leave me alone at this point so I say “No, I am going to bed, goodnight.”
At this point I’m a little weirded out. 5 minutes pass and I’m looking outside my peephole again. He’s standing in the hall in front of our door. Just standing there. I told my wife and she’s freaked out as well. I leave to go talk to her. I go back to the peephole to see what he’s up to. At this moment he walking away from my door towards the elevator. All of a sudden he charges down the hall full speed and falls face first in front of my door. He must have broken his nose because he fell HARD. My wife and I are shocked and call the cops.
I hear the police come into the hall and into their apartment. I’m not sure what happened to them that night. The next morning when I’m leaving for work, every single persons doormats in my hallway are all switched around and there’s someone’s doormat in front of the door to the stairs. Fast forward a few weeks and he’s been loud until 4am every night. I knock on the wall to get them to quiet down. I did that one night and it didn’t seem he liked that very much.
The next afternoon our doormat is gone. My wife had just gotten this new doormat two days prior. It was an official Disney doormat that was like $40. She’s obsessed with Disney and loved the doormat. My wife was crushed and full of rage. She stormed over and knocked on their door. He opens the door, looking like we just woke him up. She asks him if he’s seen our new doormat very snarky. He plays dumb and says he doesn’t know. He says “that really sucks, I didn’t see anything sorry.” and shuts the door. We look all over our floor until we find it. It’s all the way in a separate section of our floor down a hall of storage units, obviously looking like it has been thrown.
I was really upset and annoyed but I was glad we found the doormat. Now we’re moving out of the apartment complex. I grabbed his doormat and threw it in the dumpster outside. In hindsight, I feel like I shouldn’t have done it. Am I an asshole for throwing it away?
TL;DR: My druggie neighbor got mad I knocked on their wall to get them to be quiet at 4am, stole and threw my wife’s new expensive Disney doormat down the hall. So I threw their doormat in the dumpster.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
EUzXoCJ6a8INHhvSaaeh3JxO2f17RlLv | 9zo40b | {
"description": "updating my cleaner's invoice template",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I updated my cleaner's invoice template? | Just got an invoice from our new cleaner, and it looks so unprofessional, it's full of spelling mistakes and formatting errors. I used to do this stuff for a living, so I am more than happy to send her a new one free of charge - honestly, I have to include her invoice in a letter to our previous tenant saying they're not getting any bond back, so I want it to look professional - but she hasn't asked me too.
​
WIBTA if I offered to update her invoice and gave her some pointers on professional invoicing language? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
K0CLh0XUkKaAl1vBrkCuLpDIC8NQywC7 | b5ngw9 | {
"description": "not being quiet while my boyfriend games",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being quiet while my boyfriend games? | My boyfriend is a relatively avid gamer (he games for 3-6 hours a night) and he usually is on mic, meaning others can hear us. Other important information is that we live in a (quite small) studio, so there is nowhere for me to go in order to minimize noise. It is also relevant that I am a singer, musician, and visual artist.
​
He gets mad when I am too loud while he games. Obviously this means I cannot sing, play instruments, or really walk around (I tend to be very clumsy) and sometimes he even gets frustrated when I eat crunchy/loud foods like chips, carrots, etc. My main frustration is that he basically wants me to sit still for hours on end. I've asked him to give me breaks in the middle so I can walk around our apartment, eat, sing, or whatever. He also doesn't like the lights on, so I can't draw. In this time, I can basically (with headphones) can watch TV/ go on reddit/ text friends/ do whatever, that is quiet and electronic.
​
Recently we had an argument because while I was trying my best to not disturb him, I was watching videos and I kept laughing, because they were funny. He asked me if I could stop laughing, and I told him I could sit in my car, the bathroom, or he could turn his mic off. He told me that it was very disrespectful to the people he was playing with, for me to keep making noise (and embarrassing to him.)
​
This is admittedly a dick move, but about 2 hours after he said he would be done, he kept shooshing me and I started singing at pretty much full volume, because I was tired of sitting on my ass in the bathroom, not even feeling like I was allowed to laugh in my own home (and it was really starting to hurt to sit on tile for \~ 2-3 hours).
​
Idk if this changes anything, but I think the thing that really frustrates me the most about this arrangement, is that he obviously values the enjoyment/comfort of the people he games with more than my own comfort in my own home (from my perspective). I feel like for indeterminate amounts of time I am on "lockdown" in a way- not being able to do any of the things that make *me* happy- or even sometimes comfortable, like eating. He makes me feel like I'm being a dick for disrupting other people's gaming experience, which I know I probably am, but AITA for thinking that maybe that shouldn't be the priority here?
​
Also thanks for reading this post. I'm sorry if it seems like the answer is obvious either way. I just feel like I really don't know, because he's treated me like the answer is so obvious, even though I feel completely differently. I also don't really feel comfortable asking anyone irl, because I think they would jump to conclusions really quickly, and either conclusion would be a judgement that concludes my being stupid/incapable. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nC1TGSP8YK023GvUPq8cQdBFvdbHU60a | b29os0 | {
"description": "cutting ties with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting ties with my sister? | My sister is 34 years old and have a 7 year old daughter, my niece who I love to bits.
My sister and my nieces dad broke up when she was 4, after that my sister started to date a lot of different guys and insisted on always introducing them to my niece which ended up with her being very confused since it was a new “stepdad” every two months.
Fast forward to about 2 years ago, my sister met a new guy again and he turns out to be crazy. He ends up being alcoholic and abusive towards my sister and the next two years is a lot of back and forth, I started out feeling extremely bad for her cause I do understand how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship, however things changed when she kept going back to him even after getting police and my family involved multiple times, my parents have throughout the last two years had to “safe” her in the middle of night, pay to replace her broken stuff, given her money etc.
While she has continued to go back to him even when he left her alone and when he wanted to change and went into rehab for her she decided to tell him no and continue to give him beers.
My niece ended up telling a teacher “moms new boyfriend had told her he would kill her dogs and that she had seen him hit mom” the school obviously got involved and my sister said that she would leave him for real this time which she did and he moved far away.
She has after their break up ruined a number of family events birthdays, get togethers, Christmas etc.
She started to disrespect my parents a lot since they reacted when she started to contact him again and decided she wanted to move away (with my niece) to where he now lives to be with him.
She ended up moving away but my niece now has her address with her dad she only sees her every other weekend
Last Christmas was it for me she was home for a week to see my niece and spend her Christmas with her. She didn’t spend even one full day with my niece, she was out with friends sniffing cocaine and having sex with ransoms.
She then decided to have a complete meltdown after our Christmas dinner and disrespected my parents yet again, even worse this time. She pushed my mom and grabbed my niece and said to her she was coming with her, my niece didn’t wanna go ane ran up to the room where my bf and I were staying in (we were upstairs) My dad ended up being able to get out of the house and in a taxi home. We then came down and saw that she had grabbed all my nieces Christmas presents. My niece was crying, shaking, confused and so afraid of her mother coming back to take her away.
That was it for me
TDRL; cutting ties with my sister who continues to disrespect my parents and puts partying before her own child. | HISTORICAL | {
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3z83TmVX13fZVU4MllNJfvuOnl2No2B7 | a9w43k | {
"description": "not talking to my father-in-law for years and not telling him why",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not talking to my father-in-law for years and not telling him why? | Several years ago, my wife and I stopped talking to her dad and her step family completely. The can be nice people, but are incredibly toxic. Her step brother is a recurring drug addict, her step sister is in her 30s but has never held a job for more than 6 months, the step mom spends money they dont have like you wouldn't believe.
Now her father has his own issues, and is obviously the biggest connection point to my wife. But for his entire life he was always irresponsible (except for his job). He simply could never understand finances, and basically just accepted being in massive debt. He had worked on HIS fathers land as a farmer for most of his life, and pushed all the other siblings out of his life in one way or another over the years. Before his dad died, my father in law gave him this long winded speech (we were present since the grandad was on his deathbed) about signing the farm and land over before he died to ensure the other siblings wouldn't sell it off. Sure enough, right after the grandfather died my father in law sold all the land in several sales in the course of three years to pay for all the stupid expensive stuff he bought. Wife and I actually offered to buy some of it, and he said "I'm not ready to part with it yet", acting as if he hadn't already sold some. He then said "okay, I'll give you these 15 acres for $200k". Way too much for us to afford, then he went and sold it for $100k a month later to a stranger.
Fast forward several similar asshole-ish events and 5 more years, and we simply dont talk to him anymore. Pretty much acting as if he doesnt exist.
Since the holidays are happening, he contacts my wife and essentially asks "what happened?".
We havent ever given him a specific reason why we dont talk to him. Quite frankly, there was never one reason why, and I feel like if we were to have an honest conversation with him it would consist of hours and hours of pointing out all the obviously shitty things hes done in his life (to and around us).
TL;DR - Oblivious Ass father-in-law doesn't realise he's an ass. Should we tell him why or just continue the silent treatment? | HISTORICAL | {
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4OiEZRnrmB8bX3PEoUm0TgYI3YC6R6Sl | ae5pv9 | {
"description": "hating my partners best friend",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for hating my partners best friend? | Context: My girlfriend's best friend has been cheating on her boyfriend who is in the army. I don't know why but this bothers me more than usual. The guy is fighting for his country and she is off shagging around behind his back, it really pisses me off. Then she gloats to my girl about who she's been with yada yada.
Not just this but she's always messaging my girlfriend at stupid hours of the morning. I've mentioned it to my partner and she doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with the messages and that I should just stay out of the cheating thing.
Still, I don't like the woman, am I the asshole for.not liking her? | HISTORICAL | {
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BrCGPlIiG1LFiJhbaV4RNPTQXB7qIsQ9 | ao95b5 | {
"description": "not wanting to drive my friend to the store",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to drive my friend to the store? | Hey guys, my guilty conscience and I are back!
I have been spending the day with a friend of mine. She doesn’t drive and doesn’t like to be alone when her husband is at work, so wanted me to spend the whole day with her. I told her I would spend the day with her but that I had to spend most of the day studying for a huge test I have coming up. It’s in about three and a half weeks but it’s a MAJOR test. I am in graduate school and this is a comprehensive test of everything we learned throughout the past three years, and we need to pass it in order to graduate. In addition, it is on eight topics, so there is a LOT to memorize.
Anyway, I had about a half hour to study before going to therapy, then after therapy I wanted to get right back to studying. My friend found out she has an interview tomorrow and wanted to get a new outfit for it. She “asked” (but more like demanded) me to take her to the store to get an interview-appropriate outfit. I get that it’s an interview and it’s important, but I really needed to study and I also spent last night and this morning taking her on her errands since she doesn’t drive. I just couldn’t take it anymore so I declined and said I couldn’t drive her. I know she needed to get something for an interview so I feel bad about it, but I’ve also been chauffeuring her around all day and really needed to study. Also note this is really the only day of the week I can study because I have class and work other days. Thursday is my study day.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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y952otienyj3KlNhIgLVUxI3MX0a4uMK | aqsdd8 | {
"description": "keeping my brother up at night",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for keeping my brother up at night? | TL;DR my brother believes there should be a religiously enforced quiet time between the hours of 8pm and 6am, including no talking anywhere in the house. I don't agree.
So my brother and I (23 and 25 respectively) live with our parents - I'm disabled and can't afford rent if I moved out, but help out around the house to compensate, and we have a roommate - a friend of mine - who pays rent and helps out around the house (pet sits, takes care of dishes, cleans up kitchen).
My brother, who doesn't pay rent, and who begrudgingly takes out the trash once a week if you remind him to, works fulltime as a banker, and he goes into work around 7am, waking up around 6am. Ever since he got this job, he's decided he needs to be in bed by 8pm every night, sunday through friday, with the sole exception being saturday, when he'll stay up until 2am playing games with friends online.
I wouldn't have any issues with this, except he expects everyone in the household to be quiet after 8pm so he can fall asleep without being disturbed. I'll be out in the living room watching tv, maybe talking to my roommate, and get a text from him asking me to keep it down because he's trying to sleep. So I'll turn the volume down on the tv (until I can barely understand what people are saying) and if I'm chatting with my roommate, we'll turn to not-quite-whispering levels of quiet conversation. This isn't enough for my brother. If he is trying to sleep, any media not restricted to headphones, or any conversation, is apparently far too much, and if you talk after his designated bedtime, he sends constant text messages nagging you to be quiet.
Tonight, I'm celebrating Valentine's Day with my roommate - basically just hanging out, drinking a bit of wine, eating cheese and berries and chocolate, having a nice relaxed time in lieu of any partners or romantic plans. At 9, I got the standard message; "can you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep!" So I reply affirmatively, and my roommate and I turn down the volume, but continue to talk and hang out, not ready to wind down for the night. Next thing I know, my mom calls me to let me know she just got off the phone with my brother, who was complaining that we were making too much noise. I had to go to her room and explain we were being quiet, but didn't intend to go to bed just yet as it was not yet 10pm on Valentine's Day and we had a right to enjoy the holiday outside of his self-designated socializing hours. My Mom agreed but advised we just "try to be quieter" in the spirit of keeping the peace.
I guess most of my anger is that if he were paying rent, or helping out around the house at all, contributing in any way, and I had agreed to be quiet past 8pm, I would find it reasonable, if extreme, that I'm not allowed to talk to anyone past 8, but as it is, he works because mom gave him an ultimatum a few years ago that he needed to find a job (with the understanding he'd help with rent or bills) or help out more around the house, and he chose to work, but he goes to work, earns a paycheck, contributes none to the household, and uses the job as both an excuse to not do housework and a reasoning for why he's better than me (again, I'm disabled, wheelchair bound when not bedridden, and still do what I can to care for the pets and clean the house to earn my keep). Sorry, this is turning into more of a rant than I intended.
So basically, I don't see a reason I should put my life on hold at 8pm almost every night, when he contributes nothing to the house, and especially when he's not tried exploring other ways to fall asleep that doesn't rely on my silence, like a white noise machine, or listening to music to fall asleep. Am I the asshole for not accommodating his need for silence? | HISTORICAL | {
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qk8RypMp7pD09SfpyOs2RTEYfoQSYKsY | alpmhe | {
"description": "tripling a former employers billing rate",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for tripling a former employers billing rate? | Am I the asshole for telling my former employer, who I provide consulting services for, that for any further projects my fee has tripled?
Backstory. I was a senior executive for a company for four years. During my tenure, I invented extremely useful tools for the company using skills as a programmer. I informed the organization that I would need to resign for mental health reasons and spent the next seven months looking for and training my replacement. I had begun creating technical manuals for the tools I had invented but competing priorities prevented completion.
The organization has discovered four months after my departure that they DO need support for the tools to keep current. I am called in to talk about creating documentation and a plan to train a successor.
I sent a message stating that I am booked up with other clients and would need to bill them my actual consulting rate, not the nice-guy rate I was charging before
I am jacking the rate up because they have had over a year to indicate this is work they want done. | HISTORICAL | {
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ZjCOv8pFbgUab2ZVCUG1D6CWpJduhOUP | acm8mr | {
"description": "asking for help from my mother in law when I was scared to take care of my daughter alone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for asking for help from my mother in law when I was scared to take care of my daughter alone? | It's been 6 months since this incident. And it still effects me a lot. I wrote this on my phone and didnt proof read it. Hopefully it's legible. Props to anyone with the patience or anyone who took the time to read and try to u derstand my ramblings.
Okay, so making a title for this was hard. But I need to give a lot of background information so everything is clear.
Aug of 2017 my dad died in a car accident. Sept of 2017 I got married to my wife, we had been together for over 10 years. No kids. Oct of 2017 my wife shares with me that she is pregnant. Feb 2018 I find out I have thyroid cancerand I quit my job. Mar 2018 I get surgery to have my thyroid removed. Apr 2018 I take radiation to make sure cancer is gone. May my daughter is born a month early. I am still off thyroid medicine at this point so my body is no where near operating normally. Extream bouts of depression and anxiety are common. My daughter is in nicu for 3 weeks before coming home. She had a bleed above her skull which they assumed was the reason my daughter had been stopping breathing over the last few weeks. Every day we visited our daughter and watched her stop breathing and need to be stimulated to breathe multiple times a day. Daughter finally comes home, and 1 month later my wife has to return to work dispite my protest of being uncomftorable being left alone with our daughter. Even though she hadn't had any issues since coming home. I've always been uncomfortable around babies that cant support themselves. To which i expressed to everyone many months in advance. I would need a lot of support and understanding until my daughter could support her own head. Everyone apparently thought i would just be fine when the time came. I wasn't. But I wanted to be. So while my wife went back to work my mother in law would help watch our daughter. Not going to lie she took care of our daughter alone basically 8 hours a day for a few weeks mi us the 2 days a week my wife had off. My medicine is still not even close to being right at this point. Still depressed and emotional. So finally my daughter starts getting better head control and I want to start helping more. I was tired of feeling guilty over not helping my mother in law take care of our daughter while my wife worked. When my wife was home I would prep bottles grab everything and generally do everything that didnt require me to do something that could some way hurt our daughter (thats how i thought about it at the time). So the day before our daughter was to go to my mother in laws my brother in law gets kidney problems. Hes like 23 and wants his mom to be there for him when he wakes up from minor surgery to help with kidney stones. Litterally giving me and my wife a few hours notice. Mother in law says she can still watch my daughter with me and be there for her son. I am extreamly uncomftorable with my daughter at this point because I don't want to hurt her or for her to stop breathing or something to just generally go wrong and I not know what to do. So I go to the hospital with my mother in law and she abandons me in the lobby for 3 hours alone with my daughter. Who i have almost zero hands on experiance with. I was promised this situation would not have happened. The hospitals ac is broken at least where i was left. My daughter is so little and helpless at this point and she starts crying to which i do my best to comfort her. Passerbys eventually start stopping to try and help me qith my baby obviously noticing me steuggling to comfort my daughter. Eventually a delivery nurse stops and helps me. She is concerned my daughter is over heating. Oh meanwhile my mother in law says she'll be right there at any moment when she does show up its almost 2 hours after i asked for help. Anyways as the nurse stripps my daughter down my mother in law finally shows up and we leave. My daughter was just feeling really unwell this day. Probably the worst day i could have been abandoned alone with her. Anyways my brother in law gets in the car and immediately starts calling me names. Saying how useless i am and how I have ruined his sisters life. Mind you I have known him since he was 12 years old. We have always got along and as he got older i would have considered him to be one of my better friends. Its widely known he has anger issues and is extreamly narcissistic. And he has snapped on all of his family and friends before but never me. So he is litterally screaming at me while my 2 month old daughter is screaming in agony while I basically in a mostly calm voice either agree that i am a piece of shit for not being able to take care of my daughter alone or just telling him to stop yelling and to shut up. We finally get home and i tell him he is dead to me. I'll never talk to him again. Oh my wife has 5 siblings and i got along really well with her 4 brothers before this. I consider them family. I've known all of them as long as me and their sister had been together which is more than half their lives at this point. Even as I type this many months later I am still incredibly upset by this whole situation. My daughter only went everyday to my mother in laws for another week before i took over completely. It took about another month to get my thyroid medicone right but once my daughter could support her own head i didnt really have an issue watching and taking care of her. My main issue was an irrational fear something would go wrong and i would be alone to deal with the situation.
So 6 months later and everything is perfect with my daughter I am still a stay at home dad to my 8 month old baby girl. Other than my wife and a maybe 1 to 2 days a month its just been me taking care of her everyday. Almost everyone on my wifes side stopped talking to me or at the very least no longer want to talk or hang out. Feel like i lost more than friends but a large part of my family. I didn't go to thanksgiving or visit for Christmas. I haven't spoken to the brother in law that freaked out on me since that day but he is constantly bad mouthing me to everyone. Even though for the last 6 months I've taken really good care of my daughter.
So the question is am I the ass hole for trying to depend on my family to help take care of my daughter for the first 2 months until i was comfortable watching her on my own? | HISTORICAL | {
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o8XfNZamzY9kSRNbepupVYHlt4PhJqQE | asctnb | {
"description": "saying I hate my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for saying i hate my friend | My friend who's 16 started to talk about how he does drugs and alcohol outside of our friend group at school. He then tells me that he threatened to hurt a girl and that she killed herself because of it a year ago but always says that he regrets it. Now, I always feel as though he is lying and is just saying these things for attention. He is physically deformed in that he is quite short and has rickets. Am I the asshole for telling him I hate people like him and that I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore.
Edit: A lot of different views here. Thanks for the advice. He still doesn't get me so I'll try to resolve things in a way that both of us can move on. | HISTORICAL | {
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vcmlQdZxU2h3XuTfE77pJmQmXNv9tWpD | aobx5x | {
"description": "lying to save my own ass",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for lying to save my own ass | So here's what happened.
I told a friend some thing about his girlfriend, he says they are almost over. So I told him some shit that she did to others.
He told me he wouldn't say anything to her. I believed him because we've been friends for a few good years. Later though, she texted me asking why I was talking shit. I specifically told her I didn't and she believed me.
She SS'ed it and sent it to her boyfriend. He texted me and asked why I lied. I acted stupid and said I told her the truth and never had the conversation we had.
I like this girl by the way. She meant a lot to me and still does. She gets treated very badly and she truly doesn't deserve it. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
y7KoX6GD01mRR21REjnGtNxUFAoYqVQu | aiootg | {
"description": "wanting to tell my partner's parents I'm trans",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for wanting to tell my partner's parents I'm trans? | I'm a trans woman in her mid 20s and my gender is a big part of who I am. I've been out for a long time and I'm very open about my transition to my friends and family. I present female in public, and although I haven't had surgery, I've been on hormone therapy for years.
My relationship with my (cis) boyfriend is nearly at the 2-years mark. We're happy. But when I first met his parents, he asked me not to mention that I was trans. I agreed and he introduced me as his girlfriend. His parents had no problem using she/her pronouns and basically it's never been questioned.
Unfortunately, keeping my transition a secret makes me very anxious. Nowadays his parents and I are reasonably close. We get along well. But every time I meet them, I know I can't relax. I'm worried I might make it obvious that it's a big effort to avoid looking like a man. Or that I'll somehow reveal that their son is dating a woman who (...let's be honest...) has a penis.
Here's the difficult part: I'm not saying they aren't aware. I don't believe I "pass" perfectly and it's likely they've worked it out already. But my boyfriend feels that his parents wouldn't understand, and they could potentially think less of him (and me, but my relationship with his parents isn't so important). I personally believe they would be accepting, but I realise my boyfriend knows his parents better than I do. I could be wrong... I don't know.
Tldr: AITA for trying to persuade my boyfriend to let me tell his parents I'm trans (to reduce my anxiety around them) despite the risk they'll judge him for it? | HISTORICAL | {
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tNgdyvRJyT0g5iauGVhPFl6GHabxa5Ms | b9fq7k | {
"description": "severing ties with in laws",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for severing ties with In Laws? | Okay guys, this is a double AITA.
For background: We, DH (Darling Husband) & I been together 12 yrs. I have 2 children from a prior. They're 2 and 8 when we met. One 6 year old together.
My MIL (mother in law) has always been manipulative & is one of those people whom makes digs at you in a sickening sweet way so you cannot really confront her. She is passive aggressive. DH's family are all "entitled white people" of the same stereotype.
I'm not, a yes bitch.
For years, my MIL at events has taken pics requesting my 2 boys to stand out of pics bc they are not "blood family". I let her have that but voiced my concerns to DH. He always responds, "Mom is who she is". Incidents like this happen all the time. But marriage is about compromise right?
Well, in spring of 2017 DH's Aunt, MIL's sister, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Tough break for sure. Halloween 2017, MIL & Aunt's mom (G-ma) passes away. They begin planning a trip to Michigan set for June Father's day week 2019 bc G-ma always wanted this. Fast forward Dec 2018 Aunt passes away - heartbreaking.
Fast forward to last week, 1.5 years of planning this trip, MIL and FIL come to visit. We have coffee with MIL whom starts naming off all the people who are going to MI to my 6 year old, only my 2 boys are left off. Thinking it's an error I say nothing. 2 days later at dinner attended by entire family and my 20 year old (other son was not there thank fucking goodness) & MIL starts the same shit of all who are invited in a sing-song voice to the grandkids. My boys are left off again in front of my 20 yr old.
Come to find out entire family has been planning this trip without my 2 sons. WTF? I realize they purposely left me out of planning, very unusual, so my 2 kids could not come.
DH claims he had no idea, which I don't believe. We get into huge fight, he blames dead aunt & says it's all her fault. Being the confrontational bitch I am, I text MIL very nicely & explain I will not be going. She apologizes nicely and also blames dead aunt, I said, still not going & my 2 sons & I will do something else. Both women planned this trip & aunt has been dead 4 months.
During therapy this week my DH admits he lied, & he knew way before me but was planning on taking all 5 of us anyway.
So my DH was going to play me like a fool & take us on a vacay we were not invited on while all knew besides us? I'm beyond hurt by this. I said he looks like a pussy ass mama's boy who was planning to play his RoD for a fool over this? Then I called him a bitch & said all the trust we spent the last year rebuilding is gone. AITA?
I have since told him his family are selfish, narcissistic assholes who wouldn't piss on anyone if they were on fire & I will have nothing to do with them ever again but I won't deny our 6 year old a relationship with them bc I'm not that sort of person. Also, I said my 14 year old will stay clueless to him being uninvited.
AMITA? Did I take it too far?
Sorry so long! | HISTORICAL | {
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orpMC0ULeSb8j6PyjNvnZkL9GzoWnDZ7 | a1c18f | {
"description": "using software my partner doesn't know",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for using software my partner doesn't know | For background, i'm a junior getting an animation major, and for one of my classes, Animation 2, we had to form groups of two. I heard from the two seniors that Toonboom was an absolute must-use for longer animations, and wanted to use it, and told that to my partner at the start of the project. He said about a week after that that he wanted to use photoshop and aftereffects. I continued using toonboom and probably said that he should use it too a couple times. Now we're two weeks from the due date and he still hasn't learned toonboom and it'd be an absolute pain to convert the toonboom layers to Aftereffects. I've done all the work on the toonboom file and i assume he has an aftereffects file, but i definitely have more done. We decided on me doing the main character animation and him doing the backgrounds and secondary characters. First, anybody with tech experience have any advice? Second, am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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28nFkbrgqqhPKn33geGd6imnRj76LBoH | b8gcfj | {
"description": "not capitulating on a small issue",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for not capitulating on a small issue? | I think almost everyone in the world can relate to roommate problems. It's always small issues, little annoying things. Knowing this, I said to my current roommate when I moved in: "If you have an issue that's big enough to be a problem, tell me immediately. I don't want to play the game where someome gets resentful over a tiny issue." She agreed, and it's been generally nice.
Some issues came up, and we settled them early on. But then this one comes along:
I drink a lot of tea. At least one full travel mug a day. So for convenience, I keep my tea kettle, a tub of sugar, and whatever box of teabags I'm working through on an out of the way corner of the counter (away from 'workspace'). I have done this for about a year now.
Yesterday, I come home to this doozy: The counter's been wiped down, my tea stuff has been shoved into a cupboard. I figured maybe my roommate just forgot to put the stuff back, so I set it back out.
Later she texts me saying she wants me to start keeping my stuff in the cupboards to make room on the counters, that it got in the way when she was cleaning. Apparently, she expected me to simply take the hint earlier.
So this irks me, because it's been that way for a year, and I really hate passive-aggressiveness or when people aren't direct.
So I texted back no. I prefered it the way it was and if it was a real issue it would have come up sooner. I said I already have issues getting stuff from my cupboards because it's true.
But then she texts back no, your cupboards aren't overflowing, she likes having more counter space.
So I kinda lost my temper. If it hadn't been an argument over text I might have said something really rude.
I knew I was right on this small issue, and I could argue and get my way eventually. But the fact that we were having that argument at all, that she was turning this nothing into an issue after a year is what really pissed me off.
So I texted back this:
Is this really an argument you want to be having? Because roommates have to deal with eachother. they deal with small minor inconveniences instead of getting bogged down by petty, stupid issues like this one. If you want to start arguing about every petty, stupid little thing that bothers somebody in this house we can get real petty, real stupid, real fast. I choose not to live that way for the sake of getting along. The least you could do is cool this neurotic outburst, and pay me the same courtesy.
I am probably an asshole for calling her neurotic. In my opinion she is but it was unnecessary to say and it's just one person's opinion.
I didn't want to have the same argument on something else later. I wanted to establish that if she set this precedent for issues then nobody would be having a good time. I made the choice when I moved in not to sweat the petty stuff because I would be happier and in that moment I felt like she just didn't get that and wanted to have it all.
But it was a small issue that started it. Am I overreacting? | HISTORICAL | {
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hdAMA19591M4er9q9dd5npy7AS7joBGB | av9ehi | {
"description": "wanting to contact newspaper after they put my thieving, murdering uncle's sob story on front page",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to contact newspaper after they put my thieving, murdering uncle’s sob story on front page? | Backstory: My estranged uncle (now 62) mooched off my grandparents & lived with them for the first 40 some years of his life, got a warrant for his arrest, & escaped to another state. 10 years later he decides to move back in with my grandparents (he was 50ish, they were 75ish) won’t work, does nothing but take advantage of his elderly parents. My mentally challenged adult aunt was also completely dependent upon my grandparents her whole life. I spent a lot of time with my grandfather & we were very close. He told me how upset my uncle made him, he was very angry & extremely stressed. Due to this my grandpa died of a very sudden heart attack. I 100% blame my uncle for his death. He continued living with my grandma (severe dementia) & still refused to work, clean, take care of my grandma, he didn’t even feed her or give her her meds. Rotting food in the kitchen & literally shit on the bathroom floor. My dad offered to have a nurse come a few times a week to help take care of my grandma, my uncle refused. My dad would clean, mow the lawn, take out the trash, grocery shop, etc since my uncle wouldn’t. Eventually learned my uncle was stealing grandma’s social security checks, $50k from the estate & valuables/family heirlooms. My grandma’s health deteriorated, my dad put her in a nursing home & sold the house. My dad & his siblings went to court for the remainder of the inheritance. Even though uncle stole $50k (there is legal evidence) he still wanted more $.
When my grandmother died my family & I stayed hours & hours during her last days, sitting with her, dabbing her lips with a sponge, telling her stories, etc until her final breath. What does my uncle do? He walks in, grabs a sandwich, stands there eating while he looks at his mother dying, & asks what we’re going to do with her furniture. His mother is literally dying in front of him & he wants free furniture. He didn’t even talk to her or sit next to her. He finished his sandwich & left.
Now back to the newspaper article. Full front page story of my poor sad uncle being homeless & sleeping in his car & gosh life has been so tough on him, lies upon lies to gain public sympathy. He paints himself as a victim when all he did his entire life was take advantage of my grandparents, steal $50k & social security checks, neglect my grandma with dementia, & he’s been keeping my mentally challenged aunt with him in homeless shelters to get her disability checks. (We’ve tried to get her to come back to the family so she can be properly taken care of but uncle has turned her against us & she refuses)
So am I the asshole for wanting to write a letter to the newspaper to set the record straight? The thought of my uncle receiving donations or taking advantage of more people makes me sick. My dad is worried about the family reputation but IMHO he should be in jail for theft, fraud, elderly neglect, involuntary manslaughter, & more. | HISTORICAL | {
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yCrksZvQbI71c9cxuHuz4jeGCE57aqEf | ahxptp | {
"description": "not accepting my girlfriend's reasons for being emotional",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not accepting my girlfriend's reasons for being emotional? | Quick context:
This is my first girlfriend. We've been taking for a good amount of time now and through dating her I've learned a lot about how to talk with her and deal with her. I'd say I've been a pretty good boyfriend. She's very emotional and frequently unloads her problems onto me, and I'm very grateful for that, actually, since I can often give her helpful advice and see her perk up. Otherwise just listening usually helps her. For the record, I don't mind her being emotional.
So recently she's been going through some more hard stuff with school getting pretty tough and she's been trying to lose weight, etc. Every few weeks, she'll get really emotional about a lot of things at once and she will chastise herself for being in these situations like being overweight, stressing over schoolwork, etc. (there are more things she typically talks about but I'm keeping it general for privacy)
I understand that people don't always need advice. I've learned that sometimes people just need someone to listen and say "yeah that sucks. Hope you get through it." The problem I've been having is that this drought of happiness for her has been lasting a much longer time than normal and I think it's pretty obvious why. I've been recommending she starts reading more, getting more sleep, exercising self-esteem raising practices, stop procrasting, stick with your diet, etc. While she doesn't seem to doubt that these things would help, she frequently blows off the advice and chops her emotional issues up to, "Well, I'm a girl." Her reasoning for that, best I can tell is that she's a girl and girls are more emotional than guys.
I try to tell her that I don't like that excuse and she knows exactly how to get back on track. I haven't told her this, but I also think it's very degrading or sexist that she's using something like her gender as an excuse for poor behavior. I am assuming that this is just a rough few months and eventually she'll be stable again and we can talk about her excuse. As of now, she really hates it when I try to say that her excuse is a poor one. Sure, being a girl probably scientifically makes her more susceptible to overwhelming emotions (especially during certain weeks) but this is beyond that now. I think that her self-destructive behavior is either a defense mechanism for something I don't know about, or because she's got some reason for not wanting to work to fix her problems. (Fear, laziness, etc.)
I want nothing more than her to be happy again and I see this reason/excuse as a stumbling block to her getting real help. AITA for saying I don't like her excuse and that it's a cop-out and WIBTA if I continue telling her that?
(obligatory throwaway bc my girlfriend uses reddit, also on mobile so sorry about formatting) | HISTORICAL | {
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38zH7RyBhqciWtYPKeoHiYKgLxsi4hPB | aoqglz | null | AITA Is my hate justified? | Here's the story
So basically every once in a while I go through r/ShotaCops ironically, I noticed a recurring sub which they post about. So I decide to check it out and they were posting sexual moments with kids as the victim (Shotacon). So I decide it's enough to report to reddit, the same day the subreddit is gone and I tell r/ShotaCops it's gone only for every person who read it to treat me like I'm in the wrong
Am I? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
wJoNocaf21Ei9jhrW7rZKZoDxtHlR33N | b0g5fn | {
"description": "not trusting so due to past relationship",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA- not trusting SO due to past relationship. | Title sums it up. I(F19) was in a relationship with a guy(M20) for 3 &1/2 years and he cheated on me constantly and would openly express his interest in other girls including my friends and sisters. Now i’m dating a guy(M27) which previously had a relationship where he was cheated on constantly too, and now I feel insecure and skeptical if he even likes me. I trust him but at the same time i don’t trust him. At least not fully even though he’s given me no reason not to. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mrMB0vDM5wgC6bX37gNQ1yxZ3ySXIQR4 | awkfp1 | {
"description": "threatening legal actions for unfinished work",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for threatening legal actions for unfinished work? | I own a small startup and have been thinking about either outright selling or seeking outside investment to really expand.
I contracted a business consultant to write a nice business plan for the company and really highlight ourselves in the sea of startups.
The consultant quoted us at $2400 with unlimited revisions and an option to extend our contract 5 months for additional edits during a planned seed round.
Instead of delivering in our original timeframe of 3 weeks, the consultant still had not delivered the plan on the last day of the 5 month extension. I attempted to contact her multiple times through phone and email and was not met with a response. Yesterday, I sent her an email detailing my frustration and reminding her that it was, in fact, the last day of any agreement between her and my company.
I then stated that I would be reviewing my legal options If the plan or a full refund were not delivered within one week.
Today I received an email from the consultant calling me an asshole, and that it it was unprofessional and rude to threaten legal action. She also claimed that the details we had given her for the plan were “made up” (they’re not), and if we wanted our plan so badly we should just use the second (not final) draft sans charts and discussed edits.
Reddit, am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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UXgIcmByX76o50qrwHoT6a8mISDwBOHf | 9tubyk | {
"description": "being tired of being the therapist friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if i’m tired of being the therapist friend? |
ok so naturally i’m very much the “mom friend”. i’m good at listening and keeping secrets and so my friends have always gone to me when they feel upset and want to talk about it. i’ve always been okay with this because i’m happy to help my friends out and support them.
however recently i’ve noticed a pattern with my current friend. the only time they seem to want to talk to me is when they want to rant about their problems. every time i try to start a conversation with them about something else they just ignore it.
i’ve had friends in the past that made me care for them and worry about them so much, basically just turn me into their personal therapist, only for them to stab me in the back as if our friendship was nothing.
im just frustrated because i always do so much to help people. i have depression and anxiety but i’ll push those problems away so that i can focus on talking to my friends. i’ll devote my free time to meeting up with them or inviting them over to my house so that they can talk to me. i’ve stayed up all night to talk people out of suicide. i’ve worked so hard to make myself into a safe space for people because that’s what i’ve always done, but it honestly hurts when no one even asks me how i’m feeling. i really feel like i’m there for everyone when they need it, but as soon as i need it they go silent. it’s honestly making me feel so lonely.
am i the asshole for feeling like this? i feel like it’s my fault for letting myself become a doormat. and i strongly believe that you shouldn’t do kind things just to expect a reward, because everyone should be kind and help each other out. but all my friendships, especially with the person i mentioned before, feel so one sided. i’m also aware that my friends have lives that exist outside me and that i shouldn’t expect a lot from them, but i’m honestly just getting really annoyed about this because it doesn’t feel healthy. i would just like to have a friendship that is mutually beneficial rather than whatever i have now. | HISTORICAL | {
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eSC0NdFRTaGSNPEIsktCmRZPSdWbUt2a | b9klwk | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend to take some safety precautions",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For asking my girlfriend to take some safety precautions? | Throwaway account for this. For the record none of this is anything I haven't also said to men I know as well.
I spent the majority of my life in very harsh socioeconomic conditions surrounded by crime and was involved either directly or indirectly in a lot of not so good stuff. I thankfully managed to escape that life and make something of myself but I've never really forgotten my experiences and have a lot of "street smarts" that some people never had to develop. I used that to get a career in security.
As a result I'm very safety-oriented. I make sure the door is locked, I make sure to check the backseat, I make sure to be aware of my surroundings. Nothing tinfoil hat level, just basic stuff.
My girlfriend had a completely opposite upbringing and had a *very* sheltered life in an upper class area before moving to our city. She can be a bit naive, if I'm being honest. She recently went to a party to which she walked alone to meet a friend blocks away from her house through one of the worst areas in our city at night. I also deduced that she left her drink unattended multiple times and went alone in a car with 3 guys she never met to get stuff from a store.
When I heard this I was worried. I didn't yell or get upset with her, but I did tell her my concerns because she literally said she didn't see how it could be dangerous. She accused me of being an r word (damn word filter) apologist, saying it's not her fault if something happens, how she shouldn't have to do this and that, etcetera.
I agree in an ideal world she shouldn't have to, none of us should. But I explained to her that bad guys don't care if you deserve it, they take advantage of people. I'd be equally worried if my brother did that. In a perfect world I should be able to count my money in a back alley, but bad people exist. Is that our fault? No, but I should avoid behavior that leaves me at increased risk because getting victimized is getting victimized regardless of who is at fault. It's not because she's a woman, I'm a big guy, I wouldn't even leave my drink unattended or walk alone in high crime areas at night. Shit happens.
I tried to tell her that I want her to have fun and wouldn't blame her for the behavior of others, I just don't want anything to happen to her because I've seen what can happen. I asked that she have a friend watch her drink or accompany her in those areas, or at least be on the phone with someone. In my mind, just normal safety stuff. She's not having any of it. Am I wrong for suggesting this?I've had this conversation with other friends, both men and women, and none have taken offense before. I know I can't "control" her before anyone piles on, I don't want to. I just wanted to offer some tips. | HISTORICAL | {
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zioztlNeOBa9OlLpqjfELN7FsStv0t9Z | b9keej | {
"description": "ghosting my job",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ghosting my job | Okay guys I am so torn about this one.
(Please excuse my tone, I’m not a very charismatic writer - I’m also very stressed about this).
I’ve been working for this company for just over a week. After my first few shifts I noticed a couple of shady things about it, we get paid in cash with no payslips, payroll or any official documentation of where we work etc.
I worked a very busy few shifts, busting my ass and I have so far not been allowed to keep any of my tips.
Aside from all of this I am being completely micro managed to a point of despair, the line manager is rude and so inappropriate and honestly being there makes me feel so uncomfortable.
A couple of people I’ve spoken to in the same industry have said it’s probably a front for something even more shady and I’ve also learned that the company was shut down a few months ago for dodging taxes.
And to top it all off my hours were completely cut this week with an amended schedule coming out a few days ago with no warning.
All in all I hate being there as I don’t feel safe at all and it’s been a nightmare even getting my pay for shifts I have worked. I have been offered a full time position at a company I trust much more and I plan to never go back to my old workplace once I’ve collected my pay as I’m honestly also a bit scared of the confrontation. I haven’t signed any contracts but I do feel kinda bad.
Tl;dr - I hate my shady and illegal workplace and I’m scared to quit so I plan to just never go back
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 11,
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JlSPPhNJLquSPpxmx3MkJGRlRO41ekNL | b22ztn | {
"description": "not wanting to accept my sister's apology",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to accept my sister's apology | TL;DR at the bottom.
Before we start, I'm the younger sister (3 years younger) ;
So, for as long as I can remember, my sister was always an ass to me and my parents, always saying mean thing to us, throwing tantrums when she wasn't pleased, talking louder than everyone and cutting you when you speak because what she want to say is more important, and all sorts of thing like that, so my parents always did things to please her, so she would be a bit nicer to live with.
She also hardly ever do anything to help keep the house tidy, my mother sometimes asks us to empty the dishwasher or vacuum the house, really nothing hard, she doesn't ask a lot, but it's too difficult for my sister to understand apparently, she prefer not doing things and getting mad when my mom notices.
My mom paid her university two years in a row, second year my sister said she NEEDED an apartment, it was very difficult for my mom to pay for it (she was separated from my dad and she didn't want to make my stepfather pay too much), but she did, my sister never got a job and never helped my mom pay, the worst part, I think, is that my sister got the scholarship money and NEVER gave anything to my mom when she totally deserved it. And the best? She dropped out of uni after 4 months and never went to her apartment, but my mom still had to pay for it and she still refused to get a job to help pay.
Another thing, now she works and feels like she NEED a car, not for driving directly to her work, but to the train station which is like a big 30 minutes walk that I do nearly everyday. So she have her car. My mom's second car. And she doesn't pay anything for it. She doesn't even want to clean the car, it became a huge mess :(
Recently, my sister took lessons in general well being, aromatherapy, massage, Feng shui etc and she believes it completely changed her, when in fact, it didn't.
Recently she tried to be kind to me, but I just had enough, I don't want to be kind to her after everything she did to me and my family, she says that I get mad over ridiculous things, but all the help she had, I can't have it, I have to work all the time to be able to pay my studies, I can't have a car, I can't even pay the lessons for my driving license, I have to do everything alone (and it's not my mom's fault, she does everything she can, and I refuse to be a burden like my sister was for her, but I must say, I'm a bit jealous).
I'm just done with her, and I don't want to be suddenly kind when SHE decide that things have changed, maybe later, but I need time.
I'm still not over the years of her mean behavior, but for her, I'm a "selfish girl who doesn't want to make thing easier for the family" when she is the one making it hard. So, yeah, AITA?
TL;DR: Sister who have been a spoiled ass all of her life says I'm selfish for not accepting her sudden "Change of behavior fort the best" when in reality, she didn't change at all. | HISTORICAL | {
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oaBh6H3SjqEDZa1tAZ2GMJnqfszvtyEK | ad9z49 | {
"description": "thanking the dog back home when my grandma wanted to take him for a walk",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thanking the dog back home when my grandma wanted to take him for a walk? | So, here's the backstory: my brother's dog, small mix of some kind, is a little fluff of love. He runs up to everyone and throws himself on back for belly rubs. He likes playing and maximum contact, like sitting in our laps or nibbling hands as plea to pet him. He listens to basic commands like sit, come, and good boy, and he's one and a half years old.
On the other side, outside, he's like another dog. He's not agressive, but boy is he unresponsive to commands. He would only listen if I stop, and keep standing for a few seconds, then he'll look at me and sit if I tell him to. And that would be over the moment I step forward. He's usually fine while going back home, unless he deemed half an hour of walkies not enough, so he might pull leash few times, but give in in the end. I often volounteer and enjoy to take him out when I go to their place, or if they leave us the dog when they leave their kids for sitting, so they also leave leash with him.
The only two persons he listens to fully are my brother and my SIL. He would be obedient to everyone if you were to give him some meat, kinds fine if only pets are in the game, but I repeat - especially outside, he's like another dog.
So today, my mom and grandma were talking about how he needed to pee because he followed grandma to the door. (He follows anyone who talks to him because he thinks it's play time.) So they start to tease him, saying out loud "do you wanna go outside" etc, and he starts to get kinda excited, but the thing is - his main cue is seeing his leash, that's when he properly goes nuts without turning back. So it wasn't _that much_ needed, really.
So I hear a commotion outside of my room, I go out and there I see my grandma tied some random elastic rope around his chest, but in a circle, so the moment he goes forward he would be out of it. It didn't make any sense. So I go out, and try to explain her.
The thing is, she doesn't want to listen. I tell her "no no, stop for just a second, listen" and she looks up to me so I say "the moment he starts to run, he will be out of your improvised leash, you can't take him out like that" and I said this in the most compassionate tone I had in me, but she cut me midsentence and tried to open the door.
Dog was tapping in excitement in this moment. I was leaning on door and keeping them closed, still telling my grandma, that no, this is not a good idea _because the dog won't listen, especially without a leash_ but all I get was a shove (not a hard one, I mean, but it hurt emotionally coming from her), so she manages to open the door, and it happened so fast I didn't even see when it happened - but the dog was out of his improvised "leash".
He's a little fluffy flash, so he was down the stairs in a second. Grandma goes after him, slowly. So I go back inside, I put my shoes on, go down one flight of stairs, and they were on the main door to the building, and I tell grandma one more time not to open the door, but she put her hand on the handle, so I do the only thing in that moment that I could - I take our dog under my hand, and go back home. I only put him down when I was sure our home door were closed.
So she comes minute or two after me, and doesn't try to take him out again.
I told my mom story almost as it happened, and she asked me why did I reacted that way, after all _he might've come back_. (Her exact words.) So I told her "might" and "maybe" weren't enough for me to let him go out without a leash, and without a collar and tag for that matter.
This was dropped. So after, SIL and brother woke up, and grandma told them this story, how she wanted to do them a favor of taking him out, because our neighbor does this, just let's her dog make few circles around our park, and it comes back - but this dog is a poodle with different temperament that might've been professionally trained, is 5-7 years old, and lives every day with this woman, while our dog only sees us once a week at best, and can't even listen to my SIL when they're outside, even though she's the person he loves the most. (I must stress that this is well known in our family.)
SIL says he's pain in the ass when outside, he goes nuts when he sees other dogs and who knows what might've happened - so it was better this way. It wasn't urgent, he was out 3-4 hours prior. Grandma tells ok, fair enough.
So they leave, and while I don't eavesdrop, they talked loudly enough so I can hear grandma saying to my mom how she won't speak with me now, how I belittled her and underestimated her, how this is basically it between us.
I go upset to my mom, and ask her wtf is that all about, and EVEN SHE IS NOW angry with me, even though she primarily stayed at least neutral. She told me I should've explained nicely, and I tell her how I did but I got shoved in return, and she basically shrugged. And is still mad.
TL;DR - Grandma wanted to take out our dog who doesn't yet behave and listens to commands (especially outside) without a leash, and proceeded to do so even when I told her as nicely as I could how that isn't a good idea. So I just picked him up, and brought him back inside.
Now I feel crazy for the whole situation, and I ask you Reddit, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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TMjs0hJLDPs23VYDWQmuug1ynpN1XOu3 | afa56h | {
"description": "being upset that my best friend didn't come watch my game",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset that my best friend didn't come watch my game? | So me and this guy have been best friends for almost a decade. We've gone through a lot together and we have a really strong relationship. During the summer he moved to another country because he got into a University there, and recently he asked me if he could crash in my house for a few days while he was visiting, because his family had moved elsewhere. Of course, me and my family were happy to let him stay, we really love his company.
Now, I play football, and take it very seriously (I'd like to be pro), and this weekend we had a really crucial game (top of the table clash), and I assumed he'd be coming to watch and support me/my team, since he was living with me. We even talked about it and it really sounded like he was coming. However, I then found out that he wasn't coming, and was instead going to watch a football match of his favourite team. I don't know how long he's had the ticket for, but, like I said, we spoke several times before he travelled and he was speaking like he intended to come to my game.
I'm not gonna say anything, so maybe I'm not exactly the asshole, but am I overreacting or being hypocritical? Should he have come or is it irrelevant? | HISTORICAL | {
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IYQr1lCkGvD5hXYkuJ4Mf1lQAJRntCeG | avm6fw | {
"description": "telling my dad \"if you ever want to see your grandkids, go to the doctor\"",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I told my dad "if you ever want to see your grandkids, go to the doctor" | Me and my dad have always been close and had a decent father-daughter relationship. I'm 31 (f) and recently married with no kids. My dad is very set in his ways about doctors and how "useless" they are. He hadn't been to one in a very long time, save the last two weeks. In my adult life my dad has had all sorts of "bathroom issues" having to pee very frequently and urgently. In the past few weeks it has gotten so bad and painful that he actually broke down and went to urgent care and asked for some antibiotics that have done nothing. I'm thinking the issue is probably more prostate involved and me and my mom have been tip-toeing around the subject with him and trying to convince him he NEEDS to see a doctor. He gets upset when either me or my mom bring it up now. Me and my husband want to wait another 5 years or so before we have kids but it would be so devastating if he wasn't around to meet them and be in their lives.
WIBTA if I told him "Dad you need to go to a doctor or else you won't be around to meet your grandkids?" I know this is a sensitive subject but I'm hoping something like this might motivate him to seek help. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
xufVefxPAaSQoHxJLtygwBF2uSa3X4lt | b4k652 | {
"description": "telling my mother my father's death doesn't affect me",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For telling my mother my father's death doesn't affect me? | I'm 15, my dad died when I was 3. The conversation in the title arose when my mother suddenly told me that "A man will be coming tonight to speak to you and I about the trauma in our bodies and our energy imbalances." I've told mam several times before that I don't believe in alternative therapies (homeopathy, etc), yet she still decides to arrange this. I understand why she does it, because she cares and wants to help with my anxiety issues. She told me that "You didn't know how to deal with your dad's death when you were 3 and it's the ultimate cause for your social anxiety now." I was annoyed because I know this is false as I'm the one experiencing it and it certainly is not the cause for my anxiety, probably a very, very minor part of it or none at all. I then told her that I don't care for the effects of my father's death. For me, there's little effect. I never really knew the man and was too young to have a real relationship with him. I of course miss the opportunity of having a father, but not him himself. I think my opinion on his death is just, but my mother has a hard time accepting it being she was his wife. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4ioYJ3lKSU3R2L4i55WT9nCY3jY66Jbw | b8el0z | {
"description": "being the guy a girl cheated on her boyfriend with in a friend group",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA for being the guy a girl cheated on her boyfriend with in a friend group | Backstory first: I met a group of 5 or 6 people a couple years ago. multiple serious relationships in this group.
As I got to know them better, I eventually found interest in one of the girls in a relationship. I did nothing about it. The chemistry between us was great though, better than anyone else's in the group. The closer I got to her, the less i cared about the fact that she had a boyfriend. Him and I were not close at all, barely talked to each other. He was concerned with how close me and her were, friends informed me.
Fast forward a couple months after meeting them, I can start to tell that her boyfriend is kinda a shithead. I bring it up to multiple people in the group. They all tell me to just be cool, "he isn't all that bad". The more that I find out about their relationship, usually through friends in the group, the more inclined I am to tell this girl how I feel. So eventually one night, I do. She feels the same way. We talk about her leaving him and trying us, but that ended up going nowhere. I drop it all, knowing this could cause harm to our friend group.
​
A month passes, and she was giving me a ride home from a party at a friends house. Once we get to my house, she tells me she wants me. She says shes been thinking about "it" all weekend. I tell her i'm not doing anything with her if she is still with her boyfriend. She explains that its not that easy, and we talk for close to an hour. This ends up with us talking in circles, she leaves and i figure that's the end of the night. A hour or two later, i hear my doorbell. Its her. She tells me she did it, she broke up with him. So I let her in.
Laying in bed afterwards she confesses she lied. That she didn't break it off. At that point i'm surprised, but not mad at her. We talk it through, how i wont tell anyone what happened and neither will she.
Today, months after we hooked up, the group is in a uproar. They found out that her boyfriend cheated on her. Now everyone thinks hes an asshole, they kick him out of the group. They all start ripping him apart, and pretty much shit on his life. All the meanwhile i'm sitting there knowing what she did first.
AITA for pursing anything with her to begin with? Is she the asshole for playing innocent? Should i keep what her and I did a secret? Are they assholes for jumping ship on him, after defending him to my criticisms?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 22
} | WRONG |
VGmcziFYWB6nW6JBLh67ZFvvtmYpsWKn | a3veoq | {
"description": "not pulling foward to wait for my food at a drive thru",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not pulling foward to wait for my food at a drive thru? | It was at a Friches Big Boy. I ordered a fish sandwich. After I pay, the drive thru girl asks me to please pull forward and they'll bring my order out to me.
Thing is, I was the only one in the drive thru. There was no line of cars behind me that would warrant me pulling foward. So I said, I will if a car pulls up behind me. The tone of my voice was snarky or arrogant. I was very chill.
She just blankly looks at me for a good 2 seconds before saying, OK, then quickly slid the window closed. It wasn't even a minute before she opens the window, hands me the bag, and just plainly says, There you go. No thank you or have a nice day that you usually get from drive thrus.
Am I the asshole?
The fish sandwich was good and fresh and they gave me tartar sauce packets which I've never gotten with a fish sandwich before. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
bpYE9DnHORufS2eazEEpGZAlIAnCtmzI | ak55p0 | {
"description": "getting upset with my wife in public because she let my kids get close to an alligator",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting upset with my wife in public because she let my kids get close to an alligator? | My wife and I have been together for fifteen years, and we have a good relationship. Camping, primarily in the southeast, has always been a big part of us, and bringing our children into camping and the outdoors has been the best.
But I had a big wtf moment with my wife. We took the kids to a swamp where you can get in a boat and see alligators. There are also just some alligators around the property just like chilling. When leaving the little museum, there was a 5-foot alligator outside. My wife told the kids to come with her to see it. She took the kids over to it about 15 ft away. I grew up with the notion that you respect wildlife and you stay the fuck away from things that can be dangerous. My wife and I have always shaken our heads in disbelief at people who get out to take pictures of the bears in the smokies.
I started freaking out because I felt like my kids were in danger. I asked her to bring them back, and she shrugged it off and said they were fine. Then I told her to bring them away from it. Then some people at the swamp that were walking around started telling me that the gator won’t attack them and they grew up around them just fine. I started getting angry telling her to bring the damn kids away from the alligator.
Eventually she did, but I was super pissed for the rest of the day. I don’t know if it’s pride, but she still maintains I overreacted and even everyone there thought I was. It still makes me mad as I felt like my kids were needlessly in danger and makes me even madder that she didn’t at least come back for my sake. Did I just overreact and I’m the asshole for making a big deal of it in public? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
S8KAs2qKVmeGatH9Vg0a5hNxdVPswCOP | a7zmea | {
"description": "being intentionally obtuse about my allergy",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being intentionally obtuse about my allergy? | I have oral allergy syndrome (OAS). Essentially I am mildly allergic to certain raw fruits, vegetables and nuts. When I eat these foods I usually get an itchy mouth while I'm eating them which goes away quickly once they leave my mouth.
It's not medically threatening at all, at it's worst sometimes I will get slightly swollen/burning lips (like eating something with hot chilli).
Cooking any of these foods means I can eat them fine and if I do eat raw ones, it's not a big deal.
However I normally don't explain this to people, I just tell them I am allergic to the foods and can't eat them (regardless of whether the meal is cooked or not) as I don't like most of these foods anyway. I am aware that most of these people think I am deadly allergic and I let them think that.
I've also used this pretty often in arguments in the past. Recently at a family dinner I told my SIL I couldn't eat any of her cooking because I am allergic, I really didn't like any of the food she cooked but I wasn't lying as some of it does contain ingredients I'd be allergic to. This led to an argument at the event. I also told others that I couldn't eat any of the food at their house because of my allergies when explaining the argument we had over food.
I've been told that this was an asshole move, knowingly letting others think I am deadly allergic when in reality it is a mild inconvenience at worst.
AITA? I am technically allergic so I don't think it is wrong, I haven't actually lied. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
rrjLPoHiWJixhbDeOGhSjVCs8McQzDcl | b4dktr | {
"description": "calling the police on my mom",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling the police on my mom? | I was in my room studying when I heard someone come into the house, slam the door and immediately start screaming. Not normal screaming, like holy shit this person is going to blow out their voice type of screaming. It really freaked me out. I heard all kinds of banging. I honestly didn't know who it was and I was scared. I really thought an insane person broke into our house and obviously I wasn't going to go down stairs to check it I didn't want to get murdered, so I hid under my bed and called 911. I stayed on the phone with the lady until the cops came. It didn't take them long to get there. I guess because I told them it was an intruder a bunch of cops pulled up guns drawn ready to go. They talked to my mom and me separately for like 30 minutes then they left. My mom was pissed at me and said she can scream and slam doors because it's her g&ddamn house this that and the third.
Like, okay, valid but I literally didn't know it was my mom and I tried to have a reasonable conversation with her and she just kept flipping the f%ck out on me. I don't even know what she was so mad about? She literally would not tell me why. I know she has a stressful job she's an ARNP and I know she has like anger problems sometimes but I've never seen her this mad. She told me to go to my uncle, her brother's, house for the weekend because she didn't want to even look at me. It's not even a punishment lol my cousin and me are like brother and sister lol. I'd rather be here than with my mom honestly. :/ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LpEKdEjcCzKPsNmrEBqbk0xwSOAmx8Ea | b7d796 | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend I was going to break up with her unless we had sex",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 25
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend I was going to break up with her unless we had sex? | Well the title doesn’t sound that great but he’s the story.
For some reason when I was 16, I was able to start dating my girlfriend who I really liked at the time. I don’t know what I was thinking but, she told me after a month or two she does not want to have sex until marriage. I really liked her at the time, so I went along with it.
It’s now been two years since then. I do love her, but I cannot be in this any longer. I told her the reason why... and she said if I can see myself marrying her then it will be more special.
She did give in and did have sex. Now she’s mad at me and feels dirty she said, and like she did something very wrong, and she does not feel good at all.
She’s the one who gave in, I did not force her, I did give her an ultimatum. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 25,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 25
} | WRONG |
ImXY7yCt0FXLOaNGHoDTdGrUavR4L8pC | b2ptim | {
"description": "questioning friend's character",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for questioning friend’s character? | I met up with a friend for lunch at a restaurant with outdoor seating. Tables outside were full and when I arrived my friend was looking out for a table to be free, but she hadn’t asked the waiter for a list. I wanted a drink while we waited so we went inside, and the barman told us that the guys eating inside were also waiting for a table so we were next in line.
A table outside opens up after a bit and another waiter lets us know, but doesn’t realize the guys eating inside were waiting. I feel bad cutting and so I asked them, “hey a table outside is open, did you still want it?” My friend gets annoyed, yells “let’s go”, and without waiting, hurries outside to claim the table. She later says to me that “it’s not her problem” that they didn’t move fast enough.
It really turned me off to this friend. I hate cutting in line and I’ve been thinking about how the people you surround yourself with says a lot about you these past few days. AITA, that I feel that something seemingly small says a lot about someone’s character? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
VPFAYhCQBrp1WpzGEcNoZX1hXsHlSEh2 | avwts8 | {
"description": "removing a \"friend\" and keeping the kitten she asked me to cat sit",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for removing a "friend" and keeping the kitten she asked me to cat sit | So the title is a very condensed version of what happened.
Tldr: friend Alex asked me to watch a kitten for two weeks that quickly turned into a month and a half so I cut off contact now a month later Alex is in my inbox yelling at me.
In November I got back from a two week trip over seas and a friend we'll call Alex messaged and asked if I would watch her kitten Remy for two weeks so she could get the mom to stop producing milk. Since I was already taking my girl Moony from Alex I said sure bring them both (note I do not drive).
The day after Thanksgiving Alex and her three boys show up and drop off the kitten, three hours after they said they would but not a huge deal because I was off work and I know its about an hour drive from my place to hers. I confirm again that it's only for two weeks and she'll pick her up in early December. Alex agrees and reminds me to spend lots of time with them both to make sure I'm keeping the right one (at the time I just knew I was keeping one, not which of the two girls it would be).
About a week later I tell Alex that Moony will be stay with me and she says that's great, she'll come get Moony the following weekend.
The weekend she's supposed to pick Remy up she texts that something came up and it'll have to be postponed but this time she doesn't give me a date. Whatever the girls are happy and I'm falling in love with both.
Fast forward to the last weekend in December and Alex messages me asking what I'm doing for my bday on the ninth and I tell her probably just staying in and snuggling Moony. At this point she tells me I'll still have Remy then too, a little more than a month after Remy was supposed to go home. I think about it and then text her back that in that case I think I'd just like to keep both cats because they've bonded to me and each other and I don't want to separate them.
Cue the sob story about how her oldest misses his cat and wants her back and she's promised she will get Remy back soon. Mind you up until this point I've initiated all contact about the cats and sent updates, Alex has never been the first to message me about them.
So from here on I stop messaging first, I stop sharing pics of the girls where Alex can see them, and I rename Remy to Siri. Life goes on and about a month (early February) after that last convo I unfriend Alex on fb because I see no reason to keep up the charade of us being friends if she won't message me first.
Now three weeks later Alex messages me that I'm an a-hole for kidnapping her cat and breaking her boys heart. She also called me a fake friend and said this was my plan all along, even though I was doing her a favor by even taking one cat in the first place (I didn't want a three month old kitten, I was planning on adopting one from a shelter that was at least a year old).
So am I the a-hole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
Xb22kHENTs0vANld3AxTS1CfnDZMe3Mi | ai86hm | {
"description": "enjoying when my dad doesn't get his way",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for enjoying when my dad doesn’t get his way? | So first let me say, I appreciate my dad a lot. He’s done a lot for me in my 21 years. Cars, money, a home, etc, all things dads usually do.
With that being said. My dad is a very controlling and arrogant person. The simple way to describe life with him is “it’s his way or you’re a fucking asshole” this is the unfortunate truth to the matter.
No matter what you’re talking about my dad HAS to be right about it, and will argue with you until one of 2 things happen, 1- he gets so angry that you’re arguing with him he starts yelling at you(which won’t take long) or you give up and start to yes him to death until the topic is dropped(this will take long)
He also has a need to influence every possible thing going on, wether it be my hairstyle or the way I keep my sideburns, or what I should be doing in my life in the future, the point is that he likes to make sure that people understand who’s in charge.
So when things don’t go his way, when he’s wrong about something and it’s proven so, whether it’s about small semantic type things (his favorite thing to argue about) or larger more hot bed topics, I take joy in his frustration because to be honest, he needs every serving of humble pie he gets.
So AITA for enjoying when things don’t go his way and he doesn’t get his desired outcome? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Yrr03agu8H66fygC3pWvXcvNorXNAXPr | aupaf7 | null | AITA | Hello, wonderful people of Reddit. I’m that guy who’s girlfriend ruined Valentine’s Day. Anyways, I’m writing again because of another incident.
Okay, so I have her IG account, just like she has mine. I decided to be a snoop and download the data on the account (I know, horrible thing to do. It’s an invasion of privacy). I find.....um weird photos and the such. Though when I looked at her messages, I found that she had been speaking with another guy who was clearly flirting with her. They had been speaking for a while actually, and I’m almost certain that he was the guy she would occasionally mention as one of her least annoying “hoes”.
Of course, I do have a problem with her having “hoes”, but I don’t want to be that controlling boyfriend.
Anyways, her most recent messages with him which were no longer than a week ago. The guy is complimenting her and then “ranking” on her, so it seems chill. Then she starts talking about our relationship and he continues with how she should break up with me, she then goes to insinuate that she regrets getting with me.
This isn’t the only time she’s had other guys doing this kind of stuff with her. In truth, she actually somewhat takes pride on the matter; that she has hoes.
Anyways, I mention this to her and how I don’t like the guy and she insists that she didn’t know he was flirting and that they are just friends.
I don’t know what to believe. We aren’t in a good spot now, and I’m getting tired and I feel like I’m being used.
TL:DR I looked through my girlfriend’s DM’s and find that she has been talking with another guy who’s trying to get at her and she leads him on. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
UB4vK3ncPrhhWpcZMQsJnkY1RMyODMOj | akhweu | {
"description": "pretending not to know Spanish when approached by a beggar",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for pretending not to know Spanish when approached by a beggar? | For background I'm from the US, look like a tourist and I've taken around 6 years of Spanish through my schooling and am moderately fluent. I've been in Mexico for a week and have conversed with the locals and gotten around well enough with my knowledge of the language. Usually I can just say "No gracias" to anyone peddling items and they'll go away, but today a guy came up to me asking for food and wouldn't go away. I had seen him approaching me without anything to sell so I knew he was a beggar and for some reason I pretended not to understand him. He kept talking to me and despite knowing everything he was saying I just kept saying, "no hablo Espanol" until I gave up and gave him money to go away.
I kinda feel like a dick pretending not to understand him despite speaking the language, especially since he was just hungry.
AITA for pretending not to speak Spanish? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
u52dWo1LVbpfKi7z7hd4s5HfOli2T7o4 | aolh9t | {
"description": "asking my gf to bring me food to work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AitA?-I (M32) asked my GF(F22) to bring me food to work. | My GF and I work at the same business. I was already at work and she was in her way in. I asked:
“Can you bring me some food on your way in? If you don’t have time it’s ok. I don’t want you to stress.”
After which she said yes reluctantly. I again reiterated that if she didn’t have time to not even worry. But she told me to tell her what I wanted.
I decided on something quick like a sandwich. Told her the deets via text but she felt I was “taking too long”. It took approx 3min to text what I wanted.
As she was ordering she kept texting me about how annoyed she was that I asked her so late. And that I should have eaten something already rather than sleep. She felt that after going to class, she had done so much for the day and all I had been doing was sleeping(I work 2nd shift into late hours).
It seems she feels like even tho I told her she didn’t have to, she felt obligated or something. Like I wasn’t starving. I have other options to get food while at work. Like it was just a “hey can you on your way in” not a “I absolutely need you to do this”.
AitA- for asking for food? Is she the AH for not being able to say “no I don’t have time”? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
QdYvPoWPpbtKKFcf8wr2lMNmuQOzgzUb | asewkg | {
"description": "thinking an workplace \"prom\" is a dumb idea",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for thinking an workplace "prom" is a dumb idea? | Throwaway because I'm paranoid
​
My work is having a prom for god knows what reason and my s/o mentioned it to me a couple minutes ago and I responded with:
​
"I know, it's so dumb, what's the point of it?"
​
And she just got quiet and I mentioned something else completely unrelated and she said "Okay" and walked away. She does this when she secretly wants to stab me in the eye.
We've been together for quite a while—since high school, and I was never into school dances or anything like that, but personally, I just feel like a workplace prom (with a vote in king and queen and the whole 9 yards) is just a terrible idea.
​
Writing this out I feel like I'm the asshole, but please do the judging for me, Reddit. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6S1D9daLmGWTlnjKszc3aNaRNRVc59Ie | a6l8he | {
"description": "playing games with a friend's friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for playing games with a friend's friends? | Throwaway, because reasons. Long story short, I got invited to play with a friend's friend group and apparently, I hit it off with them... too well? According to the original friend that invited me, this is me stealing their new friend group away. Will be posting a chat excerpt for context. AITA?
(LNS) = Literal, not sarcastic.
Lightly edited for anonymity.
Me Today at 1:11 AM These are okay peoples. I like them.
Them Today at 1:11 AM that's good
Them Today at 2:06 AM are you stealing my friends now
Me Today at 2:07 AM What?
Them Today at 2:07 AM are you stealing them you can't steal what I don't have
Me Today at 2:07 AM They are playing other games.
Them Today at 2:07 AM and you're just sitting there?
Me Today at 2:10 AM Yup, chatting.
Them Today at 2:17 AM you're stealing my friends
Me Today at 2:18 AM Am not.
Them Today at 2:19 AM You are
Them Today at 2:30 AM okay well enjoy my friends, I'll go find new ones
Me Today at 3:05 AM Wait. I can't tell if you're actually upset that I decided to spend some time with them after you left. Them Today at 3:06 AM Yes I am You always get along with them better than I do and then I lose them after that
Me Today at 3:06 AM I am confuse.
Them Today at 3:07 AM I work really hard to enter the circle and you're in there for 5 mins and boom you're everyone's friend and everyone likes you more
Me Today at 3:09 AM I don't think it's really a case of who likes who more. It's just a matter of people playing games. We play games with friends to have fun. I'm not trying to "steal them away from you"
Them Today at 3:10 AM Doesn't matter. I'm probably gonna find them playing with you more often and then I get forgotten like always Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to find a group to fit into
Me Today at 3:11 AM I'm... sorry I'm me? (LNS) I'm not sure what I was supposed to do. Be a horrible person, so you look better in comparison? (LNS)
Them Today at 3:12 AM You don't get it do you
Me Today at 3:12 AM Not... really.
Them Today at 3:12 AM Whatever I'm better off alone anyways
Me Today at 3:16 AM Would you like to explain what it is, then, so I can understand?
Them Today at 3:17 AM I already explained it as best as I could and you didnt understand it
Me Today at 3:17 AM What would you have liked me to have done instead?
Them Today at 3:18 AM I should have played with you guys separately
Me Today at 3:18 AM What would you have liked ME to do, differently?
Them Today at 3:19 AM Nothing you could have done really the fact that you're a dude and you make stupid jokes already means you one up me in their eyes
Me Today at 3:19 AM I think you might be putting yourself down a little bit. To me, that sounds like you feel like you just want to be the token girl gamur in their group. And I don't think you're that low at all.
Me Today at 3:20 AM I think you're much better than that.
Them Today at 3:20 AM I have to work twice as hard to get that kind of respect
Me Today at 3:20 AM I don't think saying thank you for the carry, when I was carrying was really "sucking my dick". If someone carried me, I'd thank them too. And I don't think I'd need to say nohomo for it.
Them Today at 3:21 AM Oh wow you sweep in to clean up and you're the most fed yet strongest yay carry That's not the fucking point I've done shit akin to that and i don't get half the praise you do
Me Today at 3:21 AM Okay, well, what IS the point to you? I genuinely don't understand then.
Them Today at 3:21 AM I do stupid jokes like you and all I get is sighs No one laughs like they did with you Don't try to tell me that I want to be a token girl I want fucking friends and you always outshine me
Me Today at 3:24 AM I'm... Sorry??? (Very confus.)
Them Today at 3:24 AM See it doesn't matter how many times I explain it you still don't understand It's like as soon as you came in there I was no longer important It doesn't matter how much time I put into people I'm still not important So like I said enjoy them, I'll have to find new ones
Me Today at 3:26 AM I don't think just because I spent time with them means you're unimportant to them.
Them Today at 3:27 AM I've done shit akin to that and i don't get half the praise you do I do stupid jokes like you and all I get is sighs No one laughs like they did with you Nothing you could have done really the fact that you're a dude and you make stupid jokes already means you one up me in their eyes I should have played with you guys separately Here cause it's 1am and I'm not writing different versions of these for the next 2 hours
Me Today at 3:29 AM I really do think you're basically throwing yourself under the bus here.
Them Today at 3:29 AM And how is that? How?
Me Today at 3:29 AM You're basically thinking you're not important because these people made a new friend.
Them Today at 3:30 AM Yes they met you for 5 fucking minutes and they get along with you better than with me and I've met them for over a month I could barely even fucking speak by the time you were in the game since you were all talking and interrupting each other I feel knocked into the corner for the shiny new toy
Me Today at 3:31 AM I mean, I got interrupted a fair bit, but if I wanted to say something, I asserted myself after someone was finished with their statement.
Them Today at 3:31 AM I CANT DO THAT CAUSE NONE OF YOU FUCKING LISTEN
Me Today at 3:31 AM I mean, obviously it works if I can do it. Why can't you? (LNS)
Them Today at 3:31 AM Because I'm a fucking woman
Me Today at 3:32 AM So... what you're saying is that these people are sexist?
Them Today at 3:32 AM If I assert myself I'm a bitch and I need to calm down You can do it and everyone goes silent
Me Today at 3:32 AM I honestly doubt that.
Them Today at 3:32 AM Im Okay Don't listen to me You know best
Me Today at 3:32 AM IF that were the case, I don't think those are people you'd like to hang out with anyway.
Them Today at 3:32 AM Do you understand??? How desperate I am for friends????? That I'm with these people???? Do you see it?????
Me Today at 3:33 AM I mean, from my understanding, you basically just theory crafted the worse possible outcome, no matter how unlikely.
Them Today at 3:33 AM I have to yell at them and put them in their place every week but for fucks sake at least I have company I'm I don't want to be alone
Me Today at 3:33 AM I don't either. But I've learned something.
Them Today at 3:33 AM You have your own fucking friends
Me Today at 3:34 AM I need to be happy and content with being myself.
Them Today at 3:34 AM I don't even have best friends
Me Today at 3:34 AM And happy with who I am first.
Them Today at 3:34 AM You have Person A and Person B and all those other fucks I have no one
Me Today at 3:34 AM I mean, Person B has devolved into hating himself, alcoholism and racing games. And Person A is too busy with work and being an adult. And I'm not social enough to make new friends.
Them Today at 3:35 AM But for the last fucking time don't take my friends Don't
Me Today at 3:35 AM I'm not.
Them Today at 3:35 AM You go find some But don't take those
Me Today at 3:35 AM I'm literally not trying to take your friends.
Them Today at 3:35 AM Don't take what little I have
Me Today at 3:35 AM I just wanted to play games with them because they were there. I feel like I'm being accused for something that's not my fault and that's not a good feeling.
Them Today at 3:37 AM You have the most biggest tendency to meet my friends and take them don't do it this time I've lost many friends due to that
Me Today at 3:37 AM I don't get what you mean. All the friends that have stayed are still with you. Those that left aren't with me. I haven't "taken" anyone.
Them Today at 3:38 AM And I can count those on one hand I really just should have played with you guys separately I should have known I'm fucking stupid
Me Today at 3:39 AM I'm sorry for how you feel right now, but I honestly don't get it. I don't think I've done anything wrong. I wish I could make you feel better.
Them Today at 3:39 AM I did the thing wrong. I combined all you fucks together knowing how bad that mix has been before I didnt want to ignore you and I didnt want to leave them So I did the nice person thing and joined you all together and it bit me in the ass
Me Today at 3:41 AM I feel like you feel like I'm doing something to wrong you.
Them Today at 3:41 AM I feel like I was stupid enough to join you all together
Me Today at 3:41 AM Do you think that I've wronged you somehow?
Them Today at 3:42 AM I feel like I was stupid enough to join you all together
Me Today at 3:42 AM That's... great, but not the question I asked.
Them Today at 3:42 AM I think that I was stupid enough to join you all together That's what I think
Me Today at 3:45 AM Do you think that I've wronged you, though? That's what I'm asking.
Them Today at 3:45 AM No I think that I was stupid to combine you all together that's all I've been saying Cause now I have no fucking friends and what's the point when an outsider can befriend them much easier than I can
Me Today at 3:46 AM What do you mean you have no friends? It's not like they're going to be like "No, you're not my friend" anymore. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
r0ePSIi35PtKdLlE379rus1NMxAIESyn | 9xrdac | {
"description": "thinking the host for Thanksgiving should provide the meat dish",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For thinking the host for Thanksgiving should provide the meat dish (like turkey or ham) | So just want some outside opinions on this one. For the last couple years we've done Thanksgiving at my aunt's house. Every year she offered to host and when it comes to sign up for who brings what she offers only to do a cheese tray.
My mom then ends up bringing the turkey and ham to feed everyone.
I voiced my opinion on this as being the host should be providing the turkey or ham and the guests should provide the sides/desserts and was told I was being an asshole so I wanted some outside opinions. Am I wrong?
Thanks guys! | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
JUzSsGFVCXiDumz7BZsBFP0Ie6tXVIjk | a8bfgm | {
"description": "not letting Homeless Sister stay with me",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Not Letting Homeless Sister Stay With Me? | Quick background: I live alone in a one bedroom apartment. My younger sister has been homeless the past 2 weeks and has been begging me to let her stay with me until she finds a shelter. She is a meth addict, drinks excessively, and schizophrenic brought on by heavy drug use. Half the time she makes no sense. She was also recently released from jail for stealing a car. The jail doctor also told me that she has **lice and scabies.**
I try to tell her to join drug programs but I can only do so much. AITA for not letting her stay with me, and letting her sleep out in the streets in this cold weather?
Thanks for any responses. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
7EeVNzffokmm6aLOQPahi2GBJ2pymnSz | ali3bh | {
"description": "not having adopted cats from a shelter or rescue",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not having adopted cats from a shelter or rescue (yet)? | I understand the title is a bit strange, but if you make it through the wall of text, I hope it will make sense.
**TL;DR** I want 2 kittens as pets, and some things have been said to me that make me wonder if I am an asshole in the way I am going about it.
**Background (relevant to the comments that have me pondering on my assholishness):** 8 years ago, I got 2 beautiful kitties within a month of each other. They were both found abandoned on different sides of the state, and the people that found them could not keep them, so I drove to meet them and took them in. We spent 5 wonderful years together before I had to move across the country, for a job opportunity that, despite being my dream job, meant lots of traveling and pretty irregular schedules. Since the cats had also bonded with my parents, they stayed back and now live happily on the East Coast. I have thought many times about bringing them over, but they are so absolutely adored by my parents, and they are spoiled to death… it just feels it would be cruel to separate them now :(
**Current situation:** I decided 4 months ago to adopt again, and have have yet to find a pair that I like, feel connected to etc. I have subscribed to several local shelters and rescues, passed a home check, and get updates when new cats that match my criteria are brought in. Most of the cats however are either older (or old), can’t be with another cat in the house, have health issues, or by the time I find them they are already adopted.
The last one makes me happy in a way since it means my area is very active and caring, but I have cursed my bad timing more than once when I see the cutest most perfect bonded pair available and by the time I apply and make it to the shelter, they are already in the process of getting adopted by someone else.
All in all, I have yet to find two kittens (pair or separate) that I have absolutely fallen in love with, or otherwise been crazy enthused to adopt yet. I have thought about it for a while, and based on my previous experience, this is what I have landed on:
* I want kittens or young cats. I want to see them grow and grow old myself with them. Finding older cats that are in bonded pairs, or get along well with other cats is more difficult, plus I also want cats that are energetic!
* I want healthy cats. I know as they get older, they will start having health issues, as will I, but I would like to deal with these issues when they come, and not from the get-go.
* I want either a bonded pair, or 2 kittens that get along well with other cats. From what I have been told, young kittens need to socialize with other cats, and adopting them in pairs, or existing bonded pairs, is good for their development. It also helps as I still sporadically work long hours, and they can keep each other company until I get home.
* I don’t particularly care about the breed, but I would like cats with short hair that mostly stays on them (and for my second wish, genie, I want to win the lottery). I definitely don’t want a Sphynx cat though.
Just to be clear, I do not want to buy a cat from a kitten mill (is this how they’re called, similar to puppy mills? are they even a thing? anyway you get the point). I am also not die-hard determined to adopt from any one shelter, or any shelter at all. If someone finds an abandoned pair of cats that I really like on the side of the road, and they don’t want to take them to a shelter, I will happily foster them and go through due process to ensure they are free for me to own. If someone’s cat gives birth and the owners can’t keep all the kitties, I will be first in line. What I’m getting at is, I will get my kittens from wherever they are available to me, shelter, roadside, family, but will avoid kitty mills (again I apologize, I am not sure what the proper phrase for this is).
**Issue at hand:** I have 2 friends that are both cat people. They have told me, individually from one another, that I am an asshole for having preferences for my pets, and a double asshole for waiting for so long and not adopting a cat from a shelter/rescue already when so many are available. They claim that me having these “requirements” just shows I am not truly interested and fully committed to being a cat owner, and the fact that I “abandoned my cats for a job opportunity” shows I am selfish and never really cared about them. When I shut that down and called them out for that comment, their response was “prove it, just go into a shelter and get any cat” (???). They claim if I don’t like any of the cats in the shelters, I am a snob, and not looking to adopt a pet for the pet itself, but for myself (I don’t even know what that means, of course I am looking to adopt a pet for myself?). They also claim that only adopting pets from shelters is the right way to go, and me being willing to adopt cats from existing cat owners is despicable, should be illegal, and I am the scum of the earth for not having a problem with that.
I was conflicted beforehand because, as much as I do want to adopt a pet, I don’t just want to get ANY cats, I want to at least feel attracted to them in some way, feel some kind of connection, and I don’t know if that’s a valid reason to be holding off for so long. I also want the kitties to get along. I don’t know if me wanting a pet “for myself” is actually that cuntishly selfish - I admit I don’t want to adopt a cat simply to save the cat from “a life in a shelter” (?). I want to adopt two kitties to keep me company, to love and provide for and play with and care for. I don’t even know if 4 months is “too long” to be looking, and I should just go back and get the first bonded pair of kittens available, and I will grow to love them in time...
So, I don’t know, am I really an asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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lpfMCzCX90ZZdjSpHgpVvdDcxFMr2NJN | 9xoya4 | {
"description": "being upset with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being upset with my boyfriend? | I'll start with the fact my boyfriend is too good for me. I'm 21, a highschool dropout, have never had a job and likely never will because of various illnesses. I can't cook, be social, leave the house alone, drive, I'm very nonfunctional. I'm pretty useless in society and have accepted that. But my boyfriend is an amazing person. He tries to help everyone, is never mean or angry, he is honestly a good person.
I've got about 3 things I'm better at. He is better than me in almost every single way. My biggest achievment on something we both work on is Pokemon Go. (I really enjoyed playing it because in the summer I'd walk around my town and the sunlight would make me feel better and helped me deal with my plethora of mental illnesses.) I'm a level above him and doing slightly better, but it's been a bitch. I live in a small town that started out with 2 stops and no gym and that didn't change until a few months ago. For the first 2 years I worked with 2 stops and that's it. I never got money or raids, I worked hard to get to where I am, which isn't actually that far. I took a break from the game and got back into it with him.
My problem is he bought 2,500 coins to "keep up with me" but he's literally a level below me. He has 9 incubators going at all times whilst I have 1. He never runs out of pokeballs or potions or lucky eggs or incense. I feel like all my hard work is worth less than $30, cause that's all it took for him to surpass me in every way.
I try really hard to cope with the fact that I will never be good enough for him and I do that by thinking of how I can actually be helpful. Pokemon Go was the only way I was ever of any use and now that's gone AND I feel like my work is invalidated.
He said if I'm upset about the cost then I should be upset about the gas, but I'm not upset about the cost. I'm upset that he got so many coins and I spent months working my way up, never having a single coin. He's got over twice as many coins as I've EVER had and also has a lot more opportunity to play (2 gyms and 4 pokestops in the small town he lives in, plus he can drive whilst I don't have my license or vehicle. It's rural Saskatchewan, so this time of year you can't go walking around with your hands out of your pockets.) I will add that with my plethora of mental illnesses I've already got extreme inadequacy issues that I work hard to control but don't always succeed.
As I've said, I can't have a job. I never had the option to just buy coins and I likely never will. He just took a massive step forward that I can't keep up with. Am I the asshole for having a meltdown over this? I just feel like all the fun of the game and all my effort and achievements have been invalidated. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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e4zbz5vnbxZ89hjhb1BtvXvUrUzCrddZ | b0ofyu | {
"description": "wanting to get rid of our dog",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for wanting to get rid of our dog | Firstly let me preface by saying that this is not something I take lightly. I am the person who cries at seeing all the dogs that have been surrendered to shelters, I want to find her a home, not just dump her somewhere
My husband and I have a 1.5 year old terrier/dachshund mix named Rose. Coincidentially she turned one the day our son was born. So right now we have a 9 month son, live in an apartment, I am currently pregnant and both work full time 8-5. My husband also Ubers after work for extra money to pay for daycare and stuff, he usually gets home around midnight and he travels out of town for work 4-6 times a year.
This means he does take her out in the mornings (when he's in town) but in the afternoons I have to take her out after spending the entire day in a kennel. It didn't use to be a problem before we had a baby, but with a baby, I have to pick him up from daycare, spend time with him (reading, playing, getting him ready for bed, bathe him) by myself. Make dinner and prepare lunches and bottles for the next day. I usually end up going to bed around 11pm and don't always see my husband at night.
When the weather is nice, I CAN get the baby in a sling and we can both walk the dog, but it has been cold or raining and most of the time I just open the door and she runs down 3 flights of stairs does her business and comes back. I don't like doing this because she's unsupervised, who knows what she could run into out there and if she poops there is no one there to pick up. Yes, I agree, it's completely irresponsible and trashy. If I don't take her out or if she comes back without pooping, she does have accidents inside and while I 100% blame myself for this, I still do not like there being dog waste on the carpet as my son will soon start crawling and I'd like it to be clean.
Due to finances she has only had one round of shots, and has not been neutered. We do put on good flea medicine monthly, but that is about it for her healthcare.
I like Rose. She is so smart, a quick learner, my son loves looking at her and my husband has always loved dogs and has always had at least one in the whole time I've known him.
Every time I bring up that we should find her a home, which I've been doing since I found out I was pregnant, my husband gets really angry and sad and doesn't see my reasoning. He says he works so much and the least I could do is take care of the dog.
I just don't think it's a good time for us to have a dog. We don't care for her the way we should, both by dedicating time or by caring for her health. I feel it would be better for her to live with someone who can better dedicate the time and money, and once our kids are older, and are more financially able to we can get another dog.
TL;DR - Due to having a baby, little time and financial struggles I think we should find our dog a home so she can have a better life but my husband disagrees | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
vx5jmazqBo0OhNQ52aM8yKpsOWb4LAnb | b1vpnf | {
"description": "not messaging my friend first anymore",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not messaging my friend first anymore? | Anytime I ask my friend about hanging out when legit ignores me. Like not just leaving me on read or being active on insta when I text her, she'll literally msg me something unrelated. She says she's busy but its starting to sound like excuses to not talk to me.
Now I just don't message her unless she messages me. I know a lot of people don't like this so I'm sure if I'm TA | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
B3GTdTFIcRljRKtA7qET8qyhl26yvdGV | aiifsw | {
"description": "putting a housemate's plate in front of his door after only a few hours",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for putting a housemate's plate in front of his door after only a few hours? | I really don't know, so please help me out.
I live in a 3 bed, 2 bath with 6 people in total. It's a VERY small apartment, so we mostly try our best to keep to ourselves. Andrew is the exception. Andrew is a massive pothead, which I have no issue with, but he has been nothing but an issue since he moved in.
1. He moved in without last month's rent.
2. Out of the 5 months we've lived with him, he's been late on rent 3 times.
3. He uses solely paper and plastic plates/cups/utensils, which he will leave out on the table.
4. Number 3 causes the trash to become full about every 2 days, which he never takes out and will stack his trash on top.
5. He's started using dishes and pans more, which is 100% fine, but he constantly leaves it dirty for days within the tiny kitchen. I've asked him MULTIPLE times to clean up his dishes.
Today, he left a plate in the sink. Didn't needed to be soaked or anything. I got super fed up and so I put it in front of his door. I texted him saying, "Just so there isn't any surprises, your plate is in front of your door."
But seriously, am I overreacting? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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gt07Ms1EZS28XTjriSlxQI5EdCS97hGe | ao7jqn | {
"description": "not doing my coworkers work for her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I didn’t do my coworkers work for her? | The title is loaded. So my coworker works very long hours (7 am until around 5 pm) and it seems like she is constantly overburdened with work. I on the other hand work around 7 am to 3 pm and my job is operations, so if things are quiet I won’t be so busy. There is an aspect of my job that requires her to input changes to data so my “thing” can capture the changes. This means I cannot be done for the day until she does this. This is an everyday routine. Lately I’ve been offering to input the data for her because I can see she is swamped and I don’t want to be held here for this one small thing. Here’s the thing though, she’s starting to send over data that is not for tomorrow, but next week. I feel like she’s starting to take advantage of my help. WIBTA if I tell her I’m only doing what needs to be done for tomorrow? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
PL04XbVuyE7FyRwlSuoeDqFaDw1Jbe2X | b96373 | {
"description": "not buying into a friend's gender identity reveal party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not buying into a friend’s gender identity reveal party? | My friend John Doe [30] decides to become Jane Doe. He wants it to be a legit ID reveal party to see support in his decision.
He thinks the whole thing should work like a bachelor party where we take him out, and had requested Vegas. I told him today that I feel like this scenario describes any other time we go out: step one, John Doe gets too drunk. Step two: John flirts with straight or gay men at a highly annoying and pushy level. Step three: John is rejected and begins to make a scene to the victim or later to us while he (usually) cries. On top of that, he wants us to pay the tab and shared that he’s always wanted to stay at Caesar’s Palace, and while it’s not entirely out of a spontaneous budget, it certainly doesn’t sound fun in the least since I don’t gamble or visit strip clubs like him, only one of our group does that stuff with John. That’s what I had for an excuse, and his brother ends up coming over to my house today to let me know I’m an asshole.
A brief background: John has had this bar meltdown multiple times, specifically after he told us he liked men. The history between us shouldn’t be a mystery here. I have only recently begun to accept homosexuality after seeing a rational friend come out to our circle. Gender identity is something I’m not bending a knee for, it is absurd from my perspective. I feel like John has always needed to have attention, but the more he falls into this sexuality and gender identity crisis, the more he needs to be heard. Regardless of the circumstances at the bar, we have invited him to be around us and continue having him around, almost always ending with a quiet group listening to John because we can’t get a single word in. He’s just annoying.
Complications, my friends have decided that we should go because it will be supportive and we’ll get to see him fail miserably in Vegas. Regardless of how I feel about his decisions, he used to be a good dude that I could actually have a conversation with. Now it is just like Russian roulette, this guy has to project his emotions loudly at anyone who will listen.
I’m feeling like the asshole because I could have just said no without reason. If I had done that I know John would have picked and probed for a reason until he begins making assumptions that are wildly more exaggerated than the true reason I don’t want to be around him.
I’m also feeling like he needed at least one person to tell him the truth. We don’t have emotional mirrors and as a guy I appreciate it when someone can describe reality without being comforting, hard truth sticks like glue and makes most guys reevaluate their position.
TLDR: entitled friend wants luxury outing with the group paying the bills, surrounding his decision to identify as a woman. I may have stepped over the line telling him why I don’t want to go. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
6UAB0B0dYWSTBjRu3g9qeVzhN72053vj | au9smz | {
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my brother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to spend time with my brother? | This isn’t a particularly complex one.
My older brother constantly does things to intentionally piss me off and so I avoid doing stuff with him. My parents act like I’m the one being a dick in this situation despite acknowledging that my brother intentionally tries to piss me off. I don’t think I’m the asshole but my family seems to think otherwise, so am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jhJ61vZReVNpFAAAbKYHAOldjbgQlUax | 9zxt55 | {
"description": "refusing to wash my sons reusable nappies",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for refusing to wash my sons reusable nappies! | My wife decided it would be a good way to save money to move from disposable nappies to reusable nappies and spent about £100 buying all the required bits.
The idea is you wash the wee filled nappies directly in the washing machine and then the poop ones you rinse them into a bucket and then put the contents down the loo and then machine wash them.
The issue is Shit gets everywhere around the bucket, near the shower, on the bucket. You are washing shit in the same washing machine I wash my white work shirts in. there is a massive extra load of washing that needs drying and drying clothes on a rack indoors is introducing mould into the house. They are a pain in the ass to put on my son...... so I say let's go back to disposable for the sake of a few pounds it's not worth it...
so now I'm refusing to get involved and use disposable. Am I the asshole here?
TL:DR boycotting the use of reusable nappies in my house because they are unhygienic, a faff and not worth the money saved. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
ymRnDwjZcREbzOOkKURNyFZAeA0eHjv2 | adsma2 | {
"description": "telling my partner she's depressing on our commute",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For telling my partner she's depressing on our commute? | A few months ago my partner started studying and part of that study is to work in a relevant workplace. She does this 3 times a week Monday-Wednesday and it's a 5 minute drive from my office. Even though she starts 45 minutes earlier than I do I told her I didn't mind getting to work a little earlier and driving us both to work.
However over the past few months I've come to dread our morning commute, she takes over the radio and puts on her Spotify playlists, which are always dreary love songs (Dido for example). She rarely speaks to me - and if she does it's in a very quiet and low tone of voice which I cannot hear over the radio. If I ask her to speak up (as I am a little deaf) and she will repeat what she has said in a more aggressive tone; She will occasionally shout at me that I have been ignoring everything she's been saying (when she knows I am hard of hearing and she needs to be louder), and every time I try to have a conversation with her, she shuts me down; either by grunting and ending the conversation or just groaning and saying she's too tired for the interaction.
Today was our 2nd day back after the Christmas break and after a very long awkward silence I tried to make it clear that I'm aware she's tired on a morning, but we have the exact same sleeping pattern and I'm tired too. That on a morning before I get to work I like to engage a little bit so my brain is at least ready for human interaction, and that after spending a 45 minute drive in awkward silence, its more depressing and leaves me in a worse disposition than if I just commute on my own.
She was upset with me and said it's not her fault she isn't a morning person and kept repeating that she's just tired. We spent the rest of the drive in silence.
Am I The Asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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pd2UsWXS2V7USfqNnO4FpHJhKUdYiRN1 | atua80 | {
"description": "wanting to unfriend someone who suffers from a mental illness",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I want to unfriend someone who suffers from a mental illness? | So I have a friend that suffers from a mental illness, and they often use me as a source to vent out their problems. I am no councillor, so it gives me a lot of stress along with my own problems that I already have. I sincerely wish the best for them and am always there for them if they want to talk, but this is taking a toll on me and my mental health too. How can I unfriend this person without making them feel bad? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
Pmv0HH4yA16XcTpFSlyLeGhiEAtgvDjn | anssz8 | {
"description": "not liking my boyfriends friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not liking my boyfriends friend? | My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. In the past, we have had our fights and I will admit that the way I reacted at times was not the best, but I am the type of person who gives myself space when I am angry or upset. My boyfriend doesn’t like this, so now I always tell him if something bothers me or if I am upset about something.
A few months ago, I got upset at him because he disappeared for a few days without calling me or letting me know he wouldn’t be home. It ended with me spacing myself from him again. This frustrated him, so he decides to go to one of his friends for advice. I will call his friend Danny. My boyfriend basically just explains to him that I was angry, and he asks Danny how to deal with the situation. Danny straight up tells him to “do better”, and that he should break up with me. The next day I talked to my boyfriend, and he tells me about the conversation that he had with Danny. It hurt me that one of his friends would tell him this, even though I have never met him before. My boyfriend told me that Danny says a lot of stuff, but he always means well. I told my boyfriend that I was uncomfortable with him and Danny being friends at this point, and he thinks that I am being unreasonable. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
OhMgqPOoCk1XJD5H8flNN0kTk2muLTXm | b9ijmz | {
"description": "moving my part of the furniture (~90% of it all) out of the apartment a month before my roomie moves out",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for moving my part of the furniture (~90% of it all) out of the apartment a month before my roomie moves out? | Hi reddit,
Interesting timing - I'm in a similar situation as another redditor on this sub, but because it's still different in a lot of ways I thought I'd explain my situation here.
I've been living with my roommate for about one and a half years and last month we've decided to cancel our contract and move out. In my country, the requirement is to cancel three months before leaving the apartment, so we will still have to pay rent until July. We've decided to stop living together because she'll be done with her studies and I want to move in with my boyfriend. I also don't particularly enjoy living with her anymore as she turned out to be quite selfish in a lot of ways. A lot of things have happened, but one example is her using the living room almost constantly and causing issues with my boyfriend who visits about once a week (her boyfriend is here about three times a week).
Now my boyfriend and I are looking for an apartment, and some of the ones we really like need to be rented out by June already. I'm fine with paying double rent for one month if it means getting the apartment of my dreams, but WIBTA for moving all of my stuff out of mine and my roomies apartment a month early? About 90% of it all belongs to me - she wouldn't have a couch, a table, carpet, bathroom furniture, kitchen supplies, vacuum cleaner, even the desk she has in her room is mine.
She wants to go back to her mom's place (who lives 20 minutes from us) in July so it's not like she has nowhere to go, but it still feels kind of like a dick move.
I don't want to end us living together on a worse note than it already has, but I also definitely don't want to sacrifice getting the apartment I want because of her. What would you do? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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myBvMU27ulEbstvH1npGROcMNWrgGsb9 | aa1721 | {
"description": "telling my friend why he frustrates me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for telling my friend why he frustrates me? | So, long story short, I've had a friend for about three and a half years who has had a crush on me the entire time. I've turned him down three times, each time getting more and more blatant about it, but he doesn't seem to be stopping his advances, and it's really frustrating that he can't see how awkward it's making me feel.
After the third rejection he sent this long, disgusting, entitled "nice guy" message about how I owed him a relationship and had thrown his time and effort back in his face, how I'd single-handedly caused his depression, etc. At the time, despite being furious, I was used to his drama (he'd had several fall-outs with both myself and his closest friends and they were all spectacularly overblown) and kind of said that friends were *supposed* to invest time and effort in eachother, I owed him nothing, and that if he wanted to throw our friendship away over this, I couldn't stop him.
He apologised (a bit too much) and for a while he actually treated me platonically. I went to see him recently though to try and rebuild the friendship, and that seemed to reignite everything for him. He bought me loads of stuff despite me telling him not to, he started bringing out the pet names again, made jokes about us having kids, and kept putting me in incredibly awkward situations by asking me to move in with me, saying he could spend the rest of his life with me and waiting for me to say it back, etc. I never returned any of his advances, but didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want to ruin the trip, and I was sort of reliant on him to take me to the bus stop so I could get back home. He'd flipped out before when I'd asked him to stop, had gone hours without anyone being able to find him and the like, so I wasn't going to risk getting stranded half the country away.
Since then, I've just felt really frustrated with him. He messaged me constantly calling me "sweetpea" and "precious", telling me how upset he was that the holiday was over, etc. I replied infrequently, and if I took more than an hour to reply he'd send a sad face. I asked him for space several times, but the longest he let me be was a few hours.
I guess now I'm at the point where it doesn't seem worth it. I don't want to be rude, but I don't think he respects that I don't want to be with him, that his advances make me feel uncomfortable, that I don't owe him my life, body, affection etc. I'm tired of being guilt tripped and being treated like I'm the bad guy for only wanting to be friends. I'm tired of waiting for him to blow up again and say I take him for granted and that I ruined his life. I just don't feel like he sees me as another human being with the right to make my own decisions. It's difficult to be friends with someone who I think has a fundamentally flawed view of how other people function, and the rights they should have.
Would I be an asshole for messaging him out of the blue, seemingly unprovoked, and voicing my frustrations? I feel like the only thing that will get the sour taste out of my mouth and let us move on is to tell him how I feel, not just saying "please stop that" and sweeping it under the rug. I don't expect him to take it well, but if I sugarcoat it too much I know he won't get the message, (like he doesn't seem to have from the previous three rejections.) I'd like to continue being friends if possible, and I feel like I owe him an explanation rather than just ghosting him.
If I *would* be the asshole, then recommendations on how to handle it are encouraged. :) Thank you. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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pvSlpTW5dwFkNyPzPagKiNVBJru7SpQD | aub1rz | null | AITA My mom is disabled but lazy | This happened over a month ago. So my mom was born with problems and this caused her parents to spoil her and so she is pretty lazy as an adult. As an adult, she lives a normal life except she wears diapers because of her bladder.
We were out for the day and we stopped to eat. Big mistake because we never know how her stomach will react to new things.It started acting up and instead of just using the bathroom at the restaurant she begged me to drive home instead. I did and she went in the car. So I told her she needs to clean it up and she got mad at me but still did it.
Flash forward to later that night and I go to take a shower. Her clothes that she messed up in are in the tub. I ask her to do something with them and she goes off on me. Says I don’t understand what she goes through because I’m normal. So we start screaming because I’m tired of her using that and an excuse for why she can’t ever pick up after herself.
Was I wrong here? Should I have been more understanding? Or is it reasonable to expect her to not be a slob? My family thinks I was right, but my mom still won’t talk to me. | HISTORICAL | {
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FtzIwlJzKrbJtRTr5Zd5xUuxafeSEh0P | auu5xk | {
"description": "asking her to not eat apples",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking her to not eat apples? | Backstory. I (40F) have misophonia and some sounds trigger my sensitivities more than others.
I sit next to this woman at work - let’s call her Ethel (55F). Ethel is THE noisiest person I have ever had to sit next to. Everything she does is loud. Clunking her handbag down, scrabbling through the masses of crap in her drawers, tapping her feet ALL day etc etc.
Now don’t get me wrong. I know misophonia is MY problem and I do my best to not get bothered by things. I’ll pop in some headphones or wander away when something is really bothering me.
Recently I tried to explain to Ethel why things bother me so much. She just laughed and told me I was silly.
Fast forward to a few days ago. I was at a colleagues desk discussing an issue and Ethel walked up and munched into an apple less than 20cm from my head.
I cannot deal with apples. The sound of someone biting into an apple causes my body to clench and my brain to seek the closest exit to an area.
I turned to Ethel and said “Ethel, can I please ask that you not eat apples around me. You know I have sensitivity and that is the biggest trigger sound for me.”
She said “ugh. Stop being so stupid.” And walked away in a huff. She has eaten an apple at the desk next to me everyday since.
AITA for asking her not to eat apples near me? | HISTORICAL | {
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xZeevx6coGh28mc4Dy1nbRdZKgEAyFXp | az9lxq | {
"description": "getting angry at my husband for coming home utterly shit-faced",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting angry at my husband [28M] for coming home utterly shit-faced? | I have never stopped my husband, "Billy," from having fun. I just ask him not to get too drunk because I hate drunk people and I hate that he becomes a totally different person. I think in a good relationship you either don't do certain things if it bothers your spouse, or you do those things in a way that they won't be uncomfortable.
Billy was asked out to watch the rugby with new friends today. “Great! We can have dinner together and watch a movie when you come back”. I said don't drink too much! in sort of a "save yourself for our evening!" way. Of course, I know he'll have a few pints but it's a rugby game after all!
I have a chill afternoon. Occasionally I message Billy a funny thing, as I usually do. 6 hours roll by. He doesn't see any of my messages. By 8pm I panic a tiny bit. So I call him real quick to check he's alive. By this point I’m making myself food. He answers, drunk, saying he's walking home and that he's really hungry. Fine. No romantic evening I guess. Whatever, plans change. I make him food. 35 minutes pass and he's still not home from what should have been a 20 minute walk. I call again. "Yeah we're only 10 minutes away". Okay, so there's a "we" now. I ask who it is because it’s late and I don't want a stranger in the house. It's his friend. I tell him I'll be in the bedroom while his friend is there.
Billy comes in with his friend. He’s FAR drunker than I thought. He gets me out of the bedroom. His friend is embarrassed, and barely drunk. Friend asks to go to the bathroom. I say "Ha ha hey how come you're not as drunk as Billy?" "Because I know my limits." Ah.
Billy asks me why I'm angry, acting like he’s chugged horse tranquilisers. His friend thanks me and heads out. I hear glass smash outside. I go out and ask if he's okay. "Sorry, I forgot I had your husband's glass in my pocket and it fell out". *Oh but let me tell you what that means.*. When I met Billy for the first time 5 years ago, he had quite a fun little hobby of "collecting" beer glasses from bars ("*they get them for free so they don't care!*"). I asked him to stop because I didn't get off on low-value theft and he didn’t need to do that. He agreed. Welp, turns out he did it again and tried to get Friend to cover up.
Billy then tries to ask me what's wrong again and I'm like, take the pasta I made you and don't even try to talk to me in the state you’re in. Also I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. He acted like I was the biggest asshole and I ruined his evening, took his pasta to the sofa and fell asleep within 3 minutes. I covered him with a blanket and left to the bedroom. Tomorrow he's going to ask me why I was angry and I will fully explain it to him. Did I overreact or did he go too far?
TLDR; husband came home utterly shit-faced without warning me he was going to stay out all day, missed our evening and I’m the crazy one. And he stole. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
R09LRBZVsRxK89ZJud8aXjmASkbjVcYP | aq1ruz | {
"description": "paying a 2 dollar tip on a drink at a bar, partially in change",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for paying a 2 dollar tip on a drink at a bar, partially in change. | This is real life. I shit you not. I pay 2 dollars a drink ALWAYS, MINIMUM.
​
I lost some change in my jacket pocket, and partially paid a tip in one dollar and 4 quarters. Several friends of mine that I know that frequent the bar told me it was super offensive to tip in change, and that leaving one dollar would be better than leaving two dollars if part of it was quarters; The thing that have the same exact value as a dollar.
​
Is this a dick move? To give somebody money? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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tERJnix46jZ3Rdy8RxiB89zmf59ypZk2 | a991sj | {
"description": "telling my late brother's ex wife to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling my late brother's ex wife to fuck off? | This happened back in early 17. For some backstory, I found out that the two people I grew up thinking they were my cousins were actually my half siblings.
For the last two years of his life my brother had been separated from his ex and had moved on to another girl, and they hated each other. Thay have two lovely daughters together. I was spending time with my newly found nieces (known them since birth, just a different title now) and just being an uncle. Brought around our kids so they could really get to know each other and the like.
After my brother's unfortunate death, the ex started posting on FB about how much she missed my brother and making everything about her. Let me remind you, they hated each other, and my brother was in love with the other woman.
She started three or four GoFundMes for what i have no fucking clue. Got a shit ton of money from all the people he worked with, and I have no idea what she did with it.
One night I posted something on FB that she didn't like, and she deleted me.
This gave me the idea to really ream her a new asshole about the whole way she was handling the situation, so I sent her a choicely worded ~1000 words on why I hated her, and what she can do with the money she stole from people.
She immediately screen shot that and sent it to my mom and sister as if to "tell on me." I am no longer allowed to see my nieces, and have been NC with her since. Wife is still allowed to talk to her and bring our daughters around, but not me.
What say you Reddit, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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wtmiN5FQBSgL6wxcPE1UeEUQzhyhrv8o | aylct9 | {
"description": "taking my Friend's Statement too seriously",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for Taking My Friend's Statement too Seriously? | I made a recent friend, who I kind of knew from school like 20 years ago. She met my daughter and said, "OMG, she's so cute, I'd love to kidnap her for an afternoon." (I know a few people who actually were kidnapped, or whose child was kidnapped, and the wording was off-putting.) She brought it up again and my husband and I as politely as one could in such a situation, explained something along the lines of her wording and enthusiasm being off putting and therefore her being an unlikely near future candidate as a babysitter. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
XTFOn9ShBpM5GGAcONkP7myMnXout46U | agzwca | {
"description": "banning alcohol in my house",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for banning alcohol in my house? | Throwaway, obviously. So a few months ago, after years of my partner & I struggling with alcoholism, I banned all alcohol from my home. I wanted to quit drinking because it was literally about to kill me. My partner wasn't quite ready though. He agreed drink outside of the home, but no alcohol in the house at all. He can keep a 6 pack in the garage & it has to stay out there.
I'm not the type to bring the ban hammer out. But over the past 2 years, every time we've argued it's because one or the other is drunk. Things came to a head a few months ago after the last argument. He drunkenly harmed himself with a razor after a bottle of tequila AND eating the worm. I had already quit drinking a few weeks prior to this. The next day, his friend came over & they proceeded to drink a case of beer. About halfway through, both of them were slurring, getting loud, & frankly being obnoxious towards me because I was avoiding them & cleaning instead of socializing with them. I was mainly cleaning to keep myself from arguing with company.
The next day, I banned all alcohol. I told him I couldn't handle the stress anymore from the drunken arguments & drama. He didn't argue with me, but a couple of weeks ago he asked to "have a couple of beers in the house because it's cold in the garage & none of my friends are home". I refused because I gave in last year after trying to ban alcohol, & he was back to downing 12 packs nightly within a week.
He didn't argue with me, but kinda pouted & went to watch TV. But I've noticed that his friends don't like me anymore since he told them no drinking at our house. They don't even say hi to me now, they just look down & away. It kinda hurt & now I feel like an asshole. Am I? I honestly feel like if I allow drinking at home again, we will break up | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 11,
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a1Enn8KELIHB8arYV5zPCaWrWAmsVKTq | ayj9vz | {
"description": "kicking a \"friend\" out of my house",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking a "friend" out of my house? | In advance, sorry for my english as I'm not a native english speaker.
Ok, this happened some time ago but it keeps bugging me if I was an asshole or not.
I'll start from the beginning.
This guy was a friend of one of my 2 roomates.
This guy asked my friend if he could've stayed at our home for the summer season.
We talked before accepting him and eventually he came over.
I went out for holidays in the period going from July to the end of august, with my family.
P.S.² I sleeped in a room with 2 beds: 1 double and 1 single. Mine was the single, my roomate took the double.
I found my sheets tossed in a basket with some other dirty laundry that didn't belong to me. Then I saw my bed occupied with some other sheets (this guy).
Well, I didn't ask for permissions, it was my house, so I removed those sheets and placed mine. (And, after all in a fairness, no one told me that my bed has been occupied without my permission).
I took this guy sheets, folded them as well and putted aside, in a cool and clean spot. (because, I'm not a barbarian).
After this, things seem to be fine.
P.S³ I'm a nurse student. At the time I was in a General Medicine Ward Internship, so I had to wake up at 6 AM, every morning. We had two little drawers, that we used to recharge our phones and other things.
Well, this guy snored like a broken tractor and I have a very light sleep. So, I bought earplugs.
These earplugs helped me a lot with sleeping but I had a hard time hearing my alarm going off. It would take me some time to hear it and turning it off (on my phone).
One morning, he decided that my alarm had to be taken out. So he turned it off and I woke up late that morning.
Last straw. I returned home and faced the guy. I asked if he turned off my alarm, and he said yes. I went furious. I don't tolerate people invading my personal space. He replied with "I found my bed without my sheets and clothes out of my drawer".
Anyways, I replied to him that that was my bed, my drawer and my house and if the princess wanted to sleep in the morning, he could've as well taken his things and changed house.
He said "how so, I'm a guest, you're acting like this is only your place, shut up" and things along those lines.
My roomate, his friend, didn't say a thing and this made me EVEN more furious. What the fuc*?
So I kicked him, with the help of the other roommate that was also bothered by this guy behavior (the roommate that helped me had his own room, and he wasn't the guy's friend).
In my country, there is a saying: a guest is like a fish. After 2 days, it stinks.
TL:DR: "princess guest" was too bothered by my alarm, took possession of my bed without my permission and acted like it was normal, so I kicked him.
Things worsened between me and the guy's friend roomate so eventually I moved to another house one month after, even if the guy wasn't there anymore.
So, am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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HtsCkJan3ZCPlRV9wX0f82YXR1WwsZix | b4vuh4 | {
"description": "waking up my GF everytime I wake up, because she snores loudly and I can't get back to sleep otherwise",
"pronormative_score": 47,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for waking up my GF everytime I wake up, because she snores loudly and I can't get back to sleep otherwise? | Basically the title.
My (M22) GF (F21) snores very loudly. I hope it is only because she has a little bit of a could right now and it won't be like that forever. So every time I wake up in the middle of the night, there is no way for me to fall asleep again. I will just shift myself a little bit, forcing her to wake up.
I really dislike doing this but I also don't want to just lie there the entire night listening to her. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 29,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 47,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
LkyrUCPlgP4hLi805ZJSwZcVNdTttEJe | afcgxd | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with my ex? | AITA for not wanting to be friends with my ex?
​
So a few months ago I broke up this this guy I had been dating for about a week because he was moving way to fast in the relationship and refused to slow down. After we broke up we agreed to be friends and all was good for about a week. Then I find out that hes trying to get with my best friend. Now that's not what upset me here, he can do whatever he wants, i don't care. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't going to rush anything with her as she had just gotten out of a relationship. While I was talking to him about this I found out some... interesting facts I didn't know. One of these things was that the entire time we were dating he would always be messaging her and wanting to be in calls alone with her. I asked him about that because I thought it was strange that he was always trying to spend more time with her when we were dating. His answer to that is what made me snap. He told me he did have feelings for me but he always liked her more. He said that the only reason he dated me is because he couldn't have her and the reason why he was moving so fast in our relationship was to make me angry and get me to leave him. This pissed me off so much because I had told him about how in all my past relationships guys would only use me to get closer to my friend (not this one, a different one) and he had assured me that he would never do that to me. I ended up messaging him and telling him how I never wanted him to ever come near me again and that I hated him. I told my friend what had happened and she got pissed off at him. She told me that she did like him but now would never act on that because of what he did. They're still friends and seeing him on the server (this all happened on discord) makes me unreasonably angry. I started being rude to him anytime he would attempt to talk to me and try to be friends with me (I would never try and go out of my way to be rude tho). His friend has even messaged me telling me that if I continue being mean to him I'm "not gonna like what happens next." My friend is also really sad that him and I don't get along and it makes me feel pretty shitty that I'm making her this upset. I couldn't care less about how that guy feels about all this, but should I start being nicer to him to make my friend happy? AITA for upsetting my friend because I don't want to be friendly with this guy? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7S2CxsUgYlsmLQSvqpQJn91T1lZxNrep | afsijr | {
"description": "stopping talking to a girl with depression",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for stopping talking to a girl with depression | I've known this person for 2 years and I have talked her out of suicide 3 times. And everytime we talked which was every other day, it was about how bad he life was.
Every time I talked to her, I would have a major anxiety attack and even just thinking about gives me major anxiety. So my parents told me to delete the messaging app and I agree with them. I hate having a major anxiety attack every time my phone vibrates.
Whenever I couldn't respond, work, school, etc. she would try and make me the one at fault for not paying enough attention to her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xjoBUQMhtgM3nLiPPbCN8daulIVbuL8t | amhj37 | {
"description": "putting my shirt in my mouth, and expressing that I felt my wife was rude for slapping my hand and shirt away from my mouth",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for putting my shirt in my mouth, and expressing that I felt my wife was rude for slapping my hand and shirt away from my mouth? | This one needs a little context.
We're in a public space, we had recently eaten at a resturaunt and were walking towards a local attraction. We were in a kind of square or public park and had paused for the view for a moment.
My wife pointed out a small spot (maybe 2 ball point pen tips) on the white portion of my t shirt and asked "is that bbq sauce?" We had something with bbq, and upon closer inspection I confirmed for her yes, it was bbq sauce.
I then took that portion of my t shirt and raised it to my mouth. I'll explain to you what I was trying to do, because I insist that it makes sense but my wife refuses to listen: the spot of sauce was sitting on top of the fabric of my t shirt in a little ball. Most of the sauce was not in contact with fabric. I was getting set to have my front teeth clamped around the shirt on either side of the all and then inhale hard first and then suck on that piece of the shirt. This can sometimes separate the ball of sauce without really smudging the shirt.
Instead, what happened was my wife pulled the shirt back out of my mouth, smearing the ball of sauce. She simultaneously scolded me something along the lines of "dont do that that's gross"
She insisted I was embarrassing for having put my shirt in my mouth in public, and that it was gross because I had no idea what it was, it could have been any random shit off the street. I had the little spot 2in from my face, and she did not- I told her i knew it was bbq sauce, and it turned out I was right so I dont get that point.
I also expressed to her that not only did I feel I was not embarrassing, I felt she had embaressed me by pulling my shirt out of my hand and mouth, and scolding me in public.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Xp4GKwTUGcKM1oPAabOU4ra8Wx0lEYtC | av11hp | {
"description": "not smiling at work",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not smiling at work | I started a new job about 9 months ago and had my evaluation today for my work performance. I am an administrative assistant at a college setting. Most of my work involves data entry, answering the phones, setting up appointments for my boss, and planning for college events. I received a lot of praise on the work that I do for my department, but my supervisor said that I need to work on my attitude. When I asked for more clarification, she said that I usually have a blank expression while I'm working, and that I only interact with people when it is work related. She said that people in the office have complained that I am not engaging in conversations or discussion on personal subjects (hobbies, family, interests, etc.) and that all I do is work at my desk. I explained that I do interact with others when it is work related (sharing and collaborating on project planning and event ideas, sharing ideas on how to improve work flow, etc). She told me that it was more that people feel like I don't like them because I don't go for after work drinks, or that I don't walk around the office and chat with them on what is going on in their lives outside of work. My supervisor knows that I work a second job and that my free-time is limited outside of work. I also have depressions and anxiety, two things that I have medication for and that have a few side effects that she may have noticed while I'm at work. I don't think I should go into detail about my medical history with my boss, and I don't think I should need to smile at work to do my job. She has tried to pry into my mental state and ask if I was on any medications, and backed off when I told her that was too personal. I'm worried because all the comments on my evaluation were both praising the work I do, but also stating that I need to improve on my team building skills.
Side note: A few months back when my boss was talking to me about why she hired me, she said that it was because I had a nice smile and that she felt like I was an approachable person. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rgPkUEpg2mcU0rWRo2WBDa8F1YnGeUJx | abn1gm | {
"description": "making plans for NYE and my best friend is mad at me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if i make plans for NYE and my best Friend is mad at me? | For context: i spend the last two NYEves with my boyfriend and his/our friends. My best Friend told us in the summer that she wanted to spend this NYE with us. Her words: „It doesn‘t matter where and with who, al long as we celebrate together.“
Fast forward end of November my boyfriend tells me that his friends invited us to spend new Year together again. My boyfriend tells them that my bf wanted to spend it with us so our friend says she can come too and is more than welcome.
I reach out to her and ask her if it would be okay for her. We would be like ten persons and she knew three of them. She says she dont know because she dont know any of them. I tell her i was always at her partys no matter how many people i know or not. I was there to spend time with her, but i also told her if she doesn‘t want, we can tell them no and we will spend the eve toghether without my boyfriends friends.
I don‘t get an anwer for weeks. On Christmas i text her and wish her and her family a merry christmas. I just get a: you too.
Last week his friends told us they were going shopping for nye and if we wanted to party with them, we should join in so we can split costs. As my friend dont gave a answer for three weeks my boyfriend accepted and we stayed the night by his friends.
Even if i didnt do anything wrong in my eyes i think she is mad at me. I invited her the last two times to spend time with me and my friends and she twice told me she has to work but i think it was an excuse both times because our friends have kids. I didnt get a happy new year message from her even when she was online. Was i the asshole?
For clarification: she‘s not a shy person and she was often by her sisters house even when there were a bunch of people she didnt know. Shes generally a difficult person and i‘m reacing to the point where im getting tired of being the one to reach out for her. Shes my bride of honour by the way :( | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZED8DijDFcVDd1GCM7qF4vYtFjg2AIR8 | a1e3k6 | null | AITA, Needed a specific computer to work on my final, person didn't want to offer it up as they didn't want to move. | This just happened recently so it's fresh in my mind. Anyways, it's finals week at my school, and I have a pretty big project that's due on Friday. For my project I need very specific and expensive software that is only available in the campus library and a media room. Once the media room closed I was forced to move to the library to work on one of the four nicer computers with the software. Unfortunately, most of the computers were occupied by my peers except for one which was occupied by a random woman.
Normally, gender wouldn't matter in these scenarios except for what happened next. I approached this student after observing that what they were working on was a simple text document on google docs. I tapped on the desk and asked her if it would be okay if I used that computer and explained my situation with the software, to which she replied in an aggravated tone that 'she just set up her work and that my peers were annoying her and because of this she downloaded a white noise app on her phone to block them out'. This to me felt irrelevant seeing as if she moved my peers wouldn't be an issue, though I kept that to myself. As I tried to illustrate my point about google docs being usable on any computer she shut me out by plugging in her headphones.
From there I sat on the other end of a divider at a regular computer and waited for an hour and a half, afterwards I approached her again and asked her if she was close to finishing. The conversation started out well, or seemingly. Eventually she stated that she didn't want to move her stuff (a foot over), that she didn't care. As a last resort I told her that I wasn't trying to be a dick but I wouldn't be able to work on any other computer. To this she stated stop harassing me.
At this point I took it as my que to disengage and pack up. As I passed her to exit the library she gave me a sneer, which frustrated me greatly and so I said, "Two feet away, super simple, just move over." On my way out. This I admit was kind of petty, though I didn't curse or raise my voice. Regardless, as I walked away she shouted pretty loudly, "Stop harassing me.". When I was far enough away I looked back and noticed a lot of people were looking at us, as could be imagined in a library.
I didn't know what to make of this situation, I felt I looked pretty bad. I was carrying a few things so I pointed with my elbow and said "Just needed the computers, but okay.", which in my anxious brain felt like a remedy to the situation. As I turned back around to leave another woman from across the library shouted out "You should stop talking to her.", and I replied, "Okay, thanks." and continued walking.
​
Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
RDl5anY2y0FaibVwljy3LrPGH2LlVzbi | alma9k | null | AITA Crosspost I wrote the original in r/Entitledparents about a certain situation I found my self in during elementary school | So this happened in like fourth grade I’m a sophomore btw so at the elementary school I attended I would go early in the morning and wait outside the gate for the school to open at 7:30 and there were some other kids who did the same but one in particular let’s call him annoying kid.
So annoying kid waited there with his mom every morning except for the days he was sick his mom would just lean against the gate and he would go around and talk to the other kids there I being one of them he wasn’t very annoying when I first met him but he eventually just got on my nerves and one day I told him to leave me alone (I was having a bad morning dick move on my part) but that’s the start of our bad blood you could say. There are many unpleasant encounters I’ve had with him but that’s beside the point let’s get to the action so I was there one day in a particularly aggressive mood after a fight with my older sister and then he walks up to me (I don’t know why he did probably because I was the only kid there) but he tried to talk to me and I tell him fuck off he gets angry so he pushes me we were near the curb so I push him back and he lands on his ass on the edge of the curb. He starts to cry (he should have seen it coming he was lucky I felt bad after so not to start kicking him on the ground I was a bit of a violent grade schooler). But Entitled mother runs up to us and yells at me and comforts her son and one of the NTAs (NoonTime Assistants) see this opens the gate and to see what’s going on. Since what I remember about EM is that she really babied him she proceeded to claim that I attacked her son for no reason keep in mind he was a grade lower than me but the same height and a bit chunkier the NTA asks me if it’s true and me being the rebellious kid just stand there with angry eyes and he takes us to the office and they call my parents mainly my father the school knows my dad disciplines me more than my mother he comes down not really happy but he always said if I got in a fight I better win but again beside the point he asked me what happened and I explained to him how it went down he knows about the kid because I tell him about how annoying he is. My dad usually can tell when I’m lying and he knew I wasn’t and he defended me questioning if the lady actually saw anything he has seen her just leaning against the gate when he had dropped me off before so the EM goes on about how I terrorize her son and the other kids (I don’t) and how he should ,”control his kid”, as well as how the school should pay more attentional her child because the other kids bully him (I wasn’t the only kid with a problem with him) the Vice principal was the one mediating the meeting and he knew my dad and family for some years (we knew him before he was a VP) and he knew that I wouldn’t act up like this but he knew that her son seems to find himself in a lot of ,”bullying”, situations so he told her that he would suspend me for a day and talk about counseling with my dad after (surprise he didn’t) but she left leaving her son in his class at it had already started at that point. My dad and the VP talked for a bit before sending me to class and I saw the kid at lunch he just stared but that’s my experience with a EM sorry for the metric shit ton of text
TL;DR I defend myself and the kid’s mom freaks out at me and the school | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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DTVhUBXKzelkQqPQP2BMkUtPskzahVGI | 9v2c9e | {
"description": "not wanting to photograph my friend and his friends (who are not my friends) for free",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to photograph my friend and his friends (who are not my friends) for free? | I’ve been a semi professional photographer for about a decade now (it’s not my main job but I do commercial work here and there).
My friend wanted me to do a photoshoot of him and two of his friends. They asked me if I wanted to and I said yes. Then I asked my friend whether they talked about the price or not. He looked at me as if he had seen a ghost. He most probably didn’t even think about the possibility that I would ask for money. Now, if it was only him, I would do it for free, but now that there’s three of them (two of which I don’t really know closely), I definitely want to be paid for that as it’s a lot of work for me to shoot them and then to spend countless hours in post prod.
The thing is that most people don’t really know what it means to photograph people. They usually say things like “you don’t even need to edit the photos, just send me everything and you’ll have less work”. Can’t do. My photos are what potentially attracts future customers and I can’t release half-assed work.
Therefore, there’s now frustration on both sides of this as my friend thinks I am greedy.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Ojux2YIitDy1JYBJAcctZ41h4oSOFv3B | b5e663 | {
"description": "asking my husband to stop taking his phone into the bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I asked my husband to stop taking his phone into the bathroom? | So obviously, my husband poops. When he goes to the bathroom, he takes his phone in with him and watches YouTube. I guess he uses this as private time and a moment to himself. 50% of the time, this is not a problem and is fine.
The other 50% of the time is when this habit reaches ridiculous heights. He can be in the bathroom anywhere to 20 to 40 minutes. His record is an hour, and I had no idea how his legs aren't just completely asleep. If he offers to help me with dinner after he uses the restroom, I know I will be making dinner alone. If we need to leave to get somewhere and he needs to use the restroom first, I know we're going to be late. It's especially frustrating when we're having an at-home date night and we need to pause a movie, and I hear him in the bathroom laughing. Mostly it is video game stuff, so not anything I am interested in watching. (For the record, he is not constipated nor does he have trouble going. If he can't find his phone he takes 5 minutes tops.)
I'm seriously thinking about asking him that if we're together, doing something, or going somewhere to please not take his phone in there with him. Part of me feels controlling, the other part feels that I am super tired of waiting on him. AITA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
P0S2YYxbfZWC4kQ3AJDaRwRfYEMqntnk | b86ljg | {
"description": "not wanting to attend my cousins wedding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to attend my cousins wedding? | In may my 3rd cousin is getting married and my whole family thinks that I'm the asshole in this. The reason why I don't want to attend is because she has NEVER gone to anything of mine (graduations, parties, concerts, ect) and she's not the nicest person ever. Like she's the type of person that if she were to see me in Walmart she would turn around to avoid me (that has happened before). I don't want to go to her wedding because why would I support someone who has never even once supported me? But then again I don't want to lose any relationships over it. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
KIl2g5VMFUh9qgByxneltBV6VIkoYTDF | aflml5 | {
"description": "cutting off this friendship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For Cutting Off This Friendship | Holy shit I can't believe this is a thing that exists. I'm psyched because I've wondered this exact thing about a situation I recently created a few months ago, but have nobody inbiased to really talk about it.
So I'm going to give a lot of context, even things that aren't directly related to the termination of this friendship but help paint a picture of what the dynamic was.
Ok so I had reconnected with a really close high school friend via text messages/snapchat. Eventually we found out we actually live close to each other so we decide to meet up and hang out.
We go out and have some fun, and end up sleeping with each other. We decide to be FWB for awhile and it's great. One day, however, we hang out (after not seeing each other for about a month, leaving me quite horny) and she says she doesn't want to. I get kind of upset, so I just leave brewing. I think it's VERY important to establish that at no point, neither here nor later in the story, do I even approach her without her consent. I don't touch her, I don't back her into a corner, I literally draw an imaginary line in the ground between us and very intentionally do not let any part of may body cross it.
My leaving did not sit well with her, she was incredibly hurt (she told me later she cried... so that made me feel pretty shitty) and she doesn't see me for about another month. She still texts me though, and she decides to go visit her family. She ends up asking me to pick her up from the airport, which I do, and we actually have a pretty great time. At the end of the night I make a move and we have a kind of argument/discussion. Basically she's not sure if she wants to keep doing this or not because I was such an asshole. The discussion ends with her telling me we'll talk about it on the phone later.
But we actually don't. She basically dissappears from my life for 6 months now, and I get it. In that particular situation I was without a shadow of a doubt the asshole. I do get texts from her every once in awhile, but not really any conversations. I continue to tell her how sorry I am and how awful I feel, and none of it is a lie I had NEVER felt such intense guilt. It would actually keep me up at night because I never wanted to hurt somebody I care about like that.
But randomly, after about 6 months she hits me up again, and asks me "Do you want to be redeemed". Wtf what a weird text. But obviously I do, at this point I'll be ok with her just accepting my apology and not talking to me again, so I want in on this.
To summarize, some guy (we will call him Ryan) she does not like fell in love with her and dude is SCARY. He actually seems like he might hurt her, and he found a guy that she likes (We'll call him Will) and wants to get in contact with him to... idk what exactly, but he's not interested in a friendly chat. She wants to give Ryan my number and have me pretend to be Will to keep the "real" Will safe. Obviously this puts me in a pretty bad position, but this friendship meant a lot to me so I agree. I should be safe right?
Except my dumb ass forgot my FB is linked to my phone number and Ryan immediately knows i'm not Will. So he calls me and says "You're not will, give me Will's number now". I don't even even HAVE Will's number, but I keep the act up anyways. Idk why but I thought it was funny for him to ask me for Will's number and to respond with "But I am Will the fuck you mean dawg?" Lol.
He starts threatening me, telling me how he's going to leave me a bloody mess, beat my face in, etc. He's also super racist so that's fun (I'm Mexican). This goes on for a couple weeks, but then I find out he's going to contact my friends and I get mad. I basically tell him if he Continues what he's doing I'm going to call the police. This seems to stop him.
At this point she starts talking to me again. I mention all this because I know that I did some bad shit, but it's my belief that I made up for it. My life was in actual danger, and she even propositioned this to me as a means to rectify everything, so I don't think it should play into the verdict, but maybe I just can't see things from the right perspective.
The new friendship doesn't involve sex. I've given up on that. First of all she moved away 2 states over, and it just doesn't seem like the kind of thing I should push for anyways. I make it clear that I would like it, though, and we're very flirty, but I never actually push forward with it. And before you say even that was unsolicited, it's not like there's NOTHING happening. She randomly sends me nudes and really suggestive texts. Sk do with that what you will.
Anyways, for the most part we just talk about our lives. And we talk a LOT. She calls me literally every day for nearly 5 months. It doesn't matter if I'm at work or with friends, she calls. At first I'm really happy (I even visit her once), but it starts to grind on me that she calls me every day and only seems to complain about her life. It's not the only thing we talk about (and we talk for literally hours most of the time), but it always comes up.
She also starts getting angry when I don't pick up. Once I was out with friends all day and she got mad at me because my phone died. "Well huh you had battery to take snapchats all day!"
Well yeah... that's why my phone is dead. Not only does she demand my time on the phone, but she started going to school and wanted me to proofread all her papers, which I do. It's clear she's been out of school for awhile because her essays are terrible; lots of spelling and grammar errors mixed with poor structure. Needless to say, a lot of my time is being eaten up by her. Then she starts disappearing again. She won't call or answer me, and at first it freaks me out because I think something happened, but no. She just wants to be alone, and I get it. It just really starts bothering me that she kind of talks to me when she gets something out of it and conveniently decides that my feelings don't matter when she wants to be alone. I feel like this because it seems like she doesn't care at all during these times about how I'm doing. At one point I got kind of depressed about something that had happened to me, and she didn't even respond to me.
The point is, I feel like I'm being used.
Then one day she goes on another trip with some family, and asks me to come hang out with her when she returns (I live nearby the biggest airport around, so she uses it). I do and tell her "hey, next month I'm taking a trip and I'll be passing right by your city (visiting her would literally be like a 15 minute detour) , let's have lunch". She agrees and tells me to give her details. About a week before I head out I hit her up to remind her, since she can be kind of busy, and she responds with basically an "ok", but very disconnected. This was during one of those times she wanted to be alone, but it's not often I come by so I thought it might be special. I text her a few more times through the week letting her know the exact time I'll be coming through.
Finally the day comes and I try calling her when I'm around to try to meet up and get no response. I don't want to waste too much time since I'm on a schedule, but I do wait around for a response. I decide just to eat lunch in town and maybe she'll hit me up during and I can at least say hi (Ironically I ended up eating lunch down the street from where she works. This isn't like a creepy stalker thing, it was a total accident and I only recognized the place based on descriptions she had given me. She also doesn't know this so I don't think it played into her behaviour).
She never contacts me and I'm frustrated but figure she was too busy so I leave. A couple hours later she texts me.
"I was asleep."
Well sorry, but now we're fighting. I told her the EXACT time I was coming through, and she works in the morning, so you made the choice to wake up, go to work, and come back home and sleep despite agreeing to have lunch with me. She tried to tell me I never texted her, which I responded to by vindictively sending her screens of the texts which SHE RESPONDED TO. She told me she didn't see those, and I'm starting to boil over.
I feel really used, and she's not even apologizing. She seems to think that her sleeping is a good reason for missing me, when the very fact that she chose to sleep is what bothers me. All I want is for her to say I'm sorry at this point. And I'm not vague about it, I ask her to apologize and we don't have to fight anymore, but she very adamantly refuses to. "I won't apologize for being me". At this point it's obvious she's not listening so I tell her never to speak to me again. I feel completely manipulated.
Funnily enough I had shipped a birthday present to her a bit before, so when that came she said thank you and I said happy birthday, but besides that I haven't spoken to her. She's reached out a couple times but I do not respond, that friendship was just too toxic.
But I also wonder... I was an asshole several times to. Was I being inconsiderate? I mean she was probably really tired, and she has a pretty stressful life so maybe I should have understood that.
I'm not sure, and it still bugs me. Am I the asshole?
Sorry this was so long jesus... | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
JU3HLL2E2UfxFkSR2cSPHMaOsBya8GTZ | a7snj6 | {
"description": "breaking up with my gf because of her hose",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for breaking up with my gf because of her hose? | AITA for breaking up with my gf because of her hose?
​
I dated this girl for almost three years. We split two times after a big fight, but we always end up back together. She lives about 50 miles in a small town. I live in the city. I spend the night at least 5 nights a week. She never went to me unless we were going out in the city.
​
She lives in a single-family house on a small plot of land with a net fence on the sides. In the near corner of the street where I park, in the spring and in the summer she has a vegetable garden.
​
I recently noticed that she started changing her garden hose to a nozzle, turning it back and forth. It doesn't matter, but the nozzle is different when I get to her house after work. Then when I leave in the morning it is returned to the hose again. (If it is unclear, one of them is a flexible green hose, and the other is a long tube that looks like aluminum.) It took me a while to realize that she woke up at night and went to the inner porch to change it.
​
Last weekend it was about 2am and she got up. I think she went to the bathroom. Then I noticed that she was wearing a bathrobe and went out. I asked her what she did. She did not answer me, and I think that maybe she did not hear me. I watched her from the window and, absolutely, she opened the nozzle and changed the hose.
​
I asked her about it in the morning and was able to tell her that she was uncomfortable, so I did not press her. When I left the house on Monday morning, I saw the hose and did not see anything unusual in it. No water or drops or anything.
​
The problem is now it is frozen outside. Nothing grows in the garden or on the pot. I think that it should be turned off from the water, so I don’t know why she even needs to change the nozzles.
​
This annoyed me all day. When she instagramed a picture of dinner, I didn't like it. Then she texted, but I did not answer. When I left the office, I didn’t want to go to her house, so I went home. She texted me several times, and finally, I told her that I feel bad.
​
On Tuesday at work I finally sent her a message and asked why she would not tell me what she was doing with her hose. She did not answer before and after work and ignored my question. I told her that I was finished with the game, and I did not want to be with someone who could not honor me enough to answer me. She seems to be talking, but we have a long conversation. Finally I got stuck and told her that it was all over.
​
I do not understand why she cannot tell me what is happening. She will not answer the question, just like that doesn't mean nothing. I hate it, so I told her that everything was finished.
​
She was furiously angry. Today is radio silence. AITA for breaking up over a hose?
​
TLDR my gf won't tell me why she changes the nozzle on her hose so I break up with her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
EO0BHi5fpPNHfuIIqmEF4G0d4GwEBYOy | aytnd7 | {
"description": "moving his toys to the basement",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 48
} | AITA for moving his toys to the basement? | Bf and I just moved in together. He has a huge collection of Star Trek toys and other stuff in his bedroom. I am just not into it. I’ve tried. I’ve even watched the shows with him and I just don’t get it.
Now that I’m living here and paying half the rent I felt like I should have a say in how our bedroom is decorated. I have to be comfortable here too. So I moved his toys to the basement. I left his posters up though and the cloth thing with a symbol on it on the wall.
He got upset and talked about damaging his toys. The whole thing sounded ridiculous coming from an adult man. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 48,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 48
} | WRONG |
45Rylj57OKRkrf1cy7ON4p7TBSdugzIJ | amahnv | {
"description": "thinking digging up someone's distant past is immature and counterproductive",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for thinking digging up someone's distant past is immature and counterproductive? | I'm sure most of you have heard of the [Governer of Virginia's](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/01/us/politics/ralph-northam-yearbook-blackface.html) situation by now. I made a comment on Twitter that this man should not have to resign for having been a racist dumbass more than 30 years ago, especially after giving what sounds to me like a genuine apology and showing legitimate shame in his actions.
I know personally that people can change over the course of a _much_ shorter time than Governer Northam has had, but some of the responses I've received are asserting that I'm being dismissive of a very serious and systemic problem.
Am I the asshole for being an "apologist," or is it reasonable to believe in second chances here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
5FTT0yEhnMh9r3z82NNjYB5MAmfe1a60 | aq979k | {
"description": "not bringing my buddy to a festival because of his girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not bringing my buddy to a festival because of his girlfriend? | My buddy and I have gone to this annual festival for years, and it has become sort of a tradition.
​
He recently got his first girlfriend, and honestly, she is awful. She shows more red flags than a communist parade. Our ENTIRE group of friends agrees and shares the same distaste for her. Yes, I have told him how I felt about her, less bluntly, and with far more tact.
​
He just asked if I was going to the festival this year, and if he and his girlfriend could tag along, leading me to believe I may have put my thoughts on her too delicately when we spoke on it last. I said I would think about it, but honestly, it's a no, and I'll probably go with different people because the company of his girlfriend would spoil the festivities.
​
AITA for breaking a tradition with a good friend because his girlfriend is awful to be around, and also, going with other people the day he and his girlfriend asked to tag along? Am I being a bad friend? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
y2h3GL2MOQqjZVCsNpPov4n1oYqgD7cW | b8j5oz | {
"description": "wanting revenge on cheating ex",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA wanting revenge on cheating ex | Just found out that my ex (M,23) has been cheating on me (F,19) for the past year. Mostly he has been hooking up with these girls via tinder. I found all this out because he left his laptop and being that I had many suspicions, I went through his messages and real very vulgar texts. It was several several girls and it would be within the same day we would be together. Anyways, he has left a lot of items at my house like electronics and clothing. I’ve thought about a million things to do to get revenge but am I the asshole for wanting revenge? (Also asking for revenge tips and such). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
qhIkiajEiOgzjkMBgwmZyBZwK4m5DE1K | aaowrq | {
"description": "asking for gas money",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking for gas money | My friends and I are planning on going to a bunch of places for new years. Someone will have to be DD and also supply the liquor. I am the one that supplies the liquor but we're still trying to figure out the DD. I said I would do it if they paid me gas money (5$ a person so 15$) but they didn't want to do that so my other friend is DD now. Part of the reason I asked is because we would be driving for 2+ hours.
My friend won't stop making fun of me for asking for gas money since we never do that, but I don't want to drive and I also always give them the liquor anyways so I figured this time would be warranted. Like he told me he would drive me to the doctors today cause I had an appointment for something but he now he didn't do it until I gave him gas money. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qYpHDmjbxROR1eRxqbrnStrSHKbuHO88 | 9ys39o | {
"description": "always trying to help",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA - For always trying to help | Hey everyone, So me and my girlfriend keep getting into massive stupid fights over her job, she hates it. When I see a problem though I want to solve it, especially when it's making her unhappy so I keep suggesting she get a new job and she was fine with the idea but then when I start looking up ones she's suited for or offer to help her apply it leads to an argument that she needs to do it by herself or that she needs more time to think about what she wants to do. I can't just sit back and watch her be upset though especially since she's just started on anti anxiety meds and I don't want things getting worse for her, so whenever she gets upset about her job I bring up jobs I've seen going or different avenues like apprenticeships she could do and it leads to another fight about how I need to give her more time to think or about how I can't help at the moment and I just need to step back. I keep worrying that maybe I am compounding the problem but I also don't want her to continue to me miserable. I'm afraid that if I just keep giving her time to think she'll remain indecisive but I also don't want to be a pushy asshole. We just had a fight and she told me I need to stop trying to help because i'm not going to be able to anything is she right? AITA for always trying to help? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
IbcMoxfjdP37to1obUDT6c6EE24ZujOE | b1zl60 | {
"description": "filing a noise complaint against my own roommates, resulting in them being fined",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for filing a noise complaint against my own roommates, resulting in them being fined? | So it was a Monday night, around 2am and they had been blasting music for around seven hours. For context, I’m a student who lives with four other girls all of whom are close friends. I met them in September when I needed a room urgently. They had one to spare. We get along well but I’m still the outsider of the group due to being fairly reserved.
The night in question, they were throwing a party and had around 10-15 people over. I was in my room the whole night as I had assignments to work on and an early start the next morning. The music started around 7ish but as it was a Monday, I figured it’d go on for a few hours at most.
At midnight, there was no sign of the party quietening down, so I went out and asked one of my roommates to turn the music down and start wrapping things up as we were well into the quiet hours for our accommodation (11pm-9am) and I had to be up early. She turned the music down slightly and said that people will be leaving within the next hour. I said okay but asked her to keep in mind that it was a weeknight and went back to bed.
Turning the music down had very little effect as the bass was literally pounding the walls and people were screaming. The front door shares the same wall as my headboard and was constantly shaking from people coming in and out and slamming the door. This went on until around 2am when I decided to ring our accommodation security to file a noise complaint. They came up, shut the party down and a week or so later, we received a letter for a $100 fine for violating a noise clause in our lease. They agreed to split it between them as I had nothing to do with it and They have no idea I was the one who complained.
Honestly, I don’t feel guilty because they were being inconsiderate but they’re all currently in the kitchen trying to figure out how they’re going to afford the fine (broke students) and one girl is crying. They saying that whoever reported them is an killjoy asshole and noise is to be expected in student accommodation. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
B1ERoARNdyzJjFtjMN1pbZLlkgBjdumI | amkkze | {
"description": "not wanting my wife to snoop on home cameras",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my wife to snoop on home cameras? | A few months ago my wife and I have had a few cameras installed around the interior/back-yard of our house. Most of the time these are for seeing what our dogs are up to, and if they're well-behaved. Occasionally we will 'arm' the cameras when we are out of the house, but that is definitely more of an exclusion than the rule.
At our home we have one of our main cameras pointed at our living room/television. In the past couple of weeks I have been at home more frequently, due to work and illness. In one instance, in the afternoon, my wife connected to the camera via an app and remarked on my playing of video games. There's some background issues better suited to /r/relationships that regards my video games, but I handle the subject with a cautious hand. Upon receiving the message that I she'd used our home cameras to see what I was up to, I did not explicitely respond to the fact I felt my privacy was affected through this action.
Earlier this week, while I was playing games again, I received a text from my wife that I did not respond to. About ten minutes later my wife opened up the app to see what I was up to, and if I was playing with the dogs or anything else that would preclude me from getting back to her. At the time I was playing a video game which was clearly evident from the main camera, and I received a text message indicating she knew I was playing. Of course there's the trope of time getting away from gamers, but I feel it was still within an acceptable margin.
Additionally, we entered into a lengthy arguement about my hesitations on using the camera for 'non-security purposes', and explained my trepidation on the precedence of using cameras to 'verify/investigate' each others' actions. Needless to say this did not go over well. I 100% believe that my wife has the right to use these cameras at all times, however my objection is rather the context of her usage, rather than whether or not she did so.
As such, I am curious if I am the asshole for being uncomfortable, and making it known, with 'check-up' in-home camera viewing? I understand we are married and that no exclusive privacy should be assumed, but I still feel uncomfortable with these unannounced camera viewings with the context of seeing 'what I'm up to'.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
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