id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
0ghdGR9zImc01qMOUUPL715kZqhQ9KSZ | aprf5n | {
"description": "making up an excuse to break up with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for making up an excuse to break up with my girlfriend? | TL;DR at the end. Also, I'm new to this subreddit, so if I've overstepped any rules or regulations, please let me know.
​
Let me preface this by saying that I was diagnosed with encephalitis caused by chicken pox when I was six years old, which is a condition where my brain swelled and caused me to lose most of my memories up till that point. At the point where my story starts, I did not know this fact and naturally assumed that I was a brain cancer survivor (I don't mean to be condescending to the real survivors out there, cancer is horrible and I do not wish to be condescending with this post)
So a couple years ago when I was in middle school, I (11M) got into my first relationship with "Emily" (11F). I had confided to her previously when we were friends that I had "cancer" before. After a few weeks into this relationship, however, I realized that I had lost what previous feelings I had for Emily (I just wanted to stay friends) and decided to break up with her. This being my first relationship, unfortunately, stupid me thought that she would lose attraction for me once I lied to her that my "cancer" had started resurfacing and this would lead to our breakup.
​
I was so wrong.
​
She was very concerned about me for the next couple of weeks and I had to keep up the act and therefore lied about not being able to meet up with her because I had "hospital checkups" and "didn't feel well", when in fact, I just wanted to break up with her. All this time, I worked up my courage to tell her the truth that I didn't have feelings left for her. Fast forward a bit and there's a school dance coming up. I finally told her there, and she took it pretty badly. She ignored me for the next few days, and me, a bit relieved that we were finally over, just ignored her as well.
​
But then people started to gossip.
​
It turns out she told a few of her friends, who told even more people and I couldn't talk to many people in my grade then without avoiding derogatory comments like "You're such a d\*\*\*head! Man up!" It got so bad that we couldn't look at each other across the hall without flinching. Up to this day, small talk of this incident still resurfaces and it makes me look really bad because I'm portrayed really badly, to say the least. I have tried to apologize to her (not that it would make me any less of an asshole) with no avail because she avoids contact with me. We can't even look at each other across the hall without flinching.
​
TL;DR A few years ago when I was in middle school, I told my girlfriend that I had brain cancer to break up with her, she told a few of her friends what I did. Her friends in turn told my whole grade, and it makes me look pretty bad. AITA for lying to her?
​
If anyone has any questions, feel free to drop a comment. I do feel like an a-hole up to this day. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
11XlZoLtbafpjbpGMbkkde7Zm13lYr8C | b7w97p | {
"description": "telling my wife I don't want my kids photos on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling my wife I don't want my kids photos on Facebook? | My wife and I are at a crossroads with this. We want to have children but I told her I don't want any photos of my baby on Facebook I feel really uncomfortable about that and I hate Facebook with a passion because of their practices, she says she wants to use it for memories and to share with family.
I told her I'm not budging on this am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
RLvyL4bHTb3yvwFgCwIe0QnogpovBmzX | a85uxs | {
"description": "being more attracted towards certain races in oppose to others",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for being more attracted towards certain races in oppose to others? | Don’t get me wrong, I respect everyone as individuals and as people, and I would never treat any person with bias just because of their race, ethnicity, or skin colour. Am I still a racist if I find, for example, people with dark skin physically unattractive? Like, could I say, “I think he/she is ugly to me because he/she is black,” and not be labeled as racist?
This actually extends to so many more things, but I’ll just leave it at that for now. Thanks!
EDIT: thank you for all the great and insightful comments. I know this post is walking a thin line and I do understand that it may come off as offensive to some people. I just want to clarify that I am a learner and I want to know what is the best way to carry myself in society so as to mingle well with people from all backgrounds.
Based off what I read from the comments, I think the general consensus is that I am not the a-hole for having my own preference, so long as I keep it to myself and try not to offend anyone. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
QuFT0lbL0my6WxwHuWpihWFMtXlyBY1r | abx86n | {
"description": "ruining my parent's relationship",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for ruining my parent’s relationship? | Throwaway since it is so personal. Apologies for poor grammar, still fuming.
My dad and I have a very poor relationship. He has this thing about weight and being thin. When he was young, his dad always said that being fit was key and that he was fat etc so my dad took steroids and became a body builder, (he’s a fat ass now though, side effect of his drug abuse). Anyway, my dad has always called me fat. I remember one time, I was eight and in public with my thin as a pin niece and he kept making jokes about my weight, (i was thick set as a kid but never ‘fat’ or even overweight. I had a normal BMI since I was quite tall). He kept calling me chubby, fat and people kept turning round and looking at me and I started crying. So he said ‘I’ll buy you a chocolate bar, that will make you feel better, won’t it fatso?’
Yup.
He disguised these kinds of comments behind the need to be healthy, emphasising the need to exercise etc but it always had that undercurrent of ‘you are not good enough’. He used to weigh me every day and make comments like, we need to improve this etc etc.
Anyway, when I became a teenager, the thoughts came. I thought I wasn’t good enough and my dad reaffirmed it every single day. I developed bulimia and anorexia for a eight year period. Threw out my meals, kept everything secret.
I told my parents finally after they caught me with my fingers down my throat and a suicide note which surrounded my need to be thin.
You know what my dad said?
“You never had anorexia. You weren’t skinny enough.”
Anyway, i have become very spiteful and mean as a result. I take every opportunity to knock him down and other people close to me and I hate myself for it.
One of my main goals is to ruin my parents marriage. My dad says these kinds of comments to my mum too and treats her shittily. She’s not happy, not completely but she loves him. She forgives him, that’s the main difference between us. She has a history of anorexia and domestic violence fuelled by her dad. She says my dad isn’t as bad so I shouldn’t complain.
Anyway, I had an encounter this evening which broke the camels back to speak. I was trying on clothes, dad came in and just snorted and left. Two panic attacks later, I lost it.
I have given her an ultimatum, i move in with my grandparents or she leaves him. I know I’m guilt tripping her and he’s never hit either of us or anything, or cheated on her, etc. The worst thing he does is drink all the time, (he says most of these things when he’s drunk). I just can’t stand him. I don’t feel comfortable in the same house as him.
I know this sounds like an attention seeking post but I just want someone to tell me: is it wrong to intervene in my parents relationship when they are ok because I have a bad relationship with my dad? Am I being selfish?
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
c4QYD8rLxQMvLEK1ntj0rfLSGEmeJym1 | 9wm7qn | {
"description": "repeatedly brushing off somebody who was definitely interested in me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for repeatedly brushing off somebody who was definitely interested in me? | Ok, please keep in mind that I am 13, and don't always make the best decisions. Also, I know this might seem really minor, but I kind of want to get it off my chest and see other peoples opinions.
Let's rewind to a few months ago, towards the end of the final semester of my 7th grade year. I sit in the bottom right corner of my 6th period classroom, and the girl that this is about originally sat more or less opposite from me. This teacher almost never moved students around, but by some occurrence, the girl in question got moved right next to me. Here's where it gets a little more complex. The way I see it, two things might have happened then. Possibility #1is that she was crushing on me before, and she moved only with intention of getting physically closer to me. Possibility #2 is that she moved for whatever reason (If I'm correct, it was that she was distracted by the people on the other side of the room) and then developed a interest in me now that she was right there and was noticing me more. I have a feeling it was the former.
Now, as time passes, things start to get REALLY weird. I can't remember all the events that happened but I can name a few of the biggest. One major thing that happened, probably the strangest (or the most obvious sign of them all) was when she half said half mumbled that we were meant to be together, in these words, " Oh Halyconbolt, we're meant to be together aren't we?" It sounds like some line from a shitty high school drama manga, right? Some other things that happened: She payed WAY more attention to me, she tried to talk to me and would say hello very loudly at the weekly youth group event (we go to the same synagogue), and she would make distractions or say things to make me look at her or in her general direction.
Eventually, I think she picked up on the fact that I didn't really feel the same way about her, and stopped doing all the aforementioned things. Fast forward to this school year. She would often put things or talk about how she "was fucking depressed" or "was going through some shit" on her Insta story quite often, which scared the fuck out of me because I thought my friend zones had thrown her into some kind of depression or suicidal mood. She never conveyed that she wanted to kill herself, wanted to die, etc, but I was still worried. I'm still not interested in her, but now, she ignores me at school when I try to say hi, and shuts down friendly conversations almost immediately. The only instance that I can think of her not being a bitch in the past few months is at the (now monthly) youth group event, when she seemed friendly and we chatted a little bit.
So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EyC7rGgNXyalIQ6hiiE4WAMRlfr0oj9E | b81j9q | {
"description": "getting annoyed my parents won't deal with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | aita for getting annoyed my parents won't deal with my sister. | So this incident happened about 3 weeks ago.
I made a reddit account just for this.
I was having a chat with my sister (14 years old) and she explained that she doesn't go to classes if she doesn't like the teacher, basically saying she skips classes.
I tried telling her how that can affect our future and she rolled her eyes and went back on Instagram.
from what I gathered she skipped English class and math class.
I took issue to that, and thought I would tell my parents, the reaction shocked me.
They didn't care, they kind of laughed at me and said that it does not matter.
I'm now annoyed because it seems like they don't care about her education or her future.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
mwbhbNQX7yFKQAWLrmre3tS9Xvc6d6ie | arz9it | null | AITA bf gives unwanted critique on my twitch layout and hurts my feelings | This is via mobile so idk if the layout will be weird.
So i started streaming on twitch awhile ago and got my affliate, woo go me. And figured out how to add fun pop ups and other cool stuff. And I set it up how i liked it.
Later my BF told me it didnt look good and how I should change it. I hadnt asked if it looked okay cause I set it up to how I personally wanted it. But I listened and changed the set up to be how he said and personally didn't like it but he said he "knew" how itd look good cause he watches streams a ton and he "doesnt like" when things are clogged with pop ups and shit.
I'm like fine whatever. Then he tells me the exact placement they need to be and shit and finally I'm fed up. I am tired and never asked his opinion on it to start with and really liked how it looked at first and now hate it.
I tell him this and he gets mad saying hes only sharing his "opinion" on it and how I need to calm down. I ask him to say it GENTLY. "Hey honey maybe try doing this instead?" Vs "no its ugly. Its clogging up the damn screen."
I think I'm decent at taking criticism but this shit just feels mean. He tells me to toughen up and that professionals take this shit all the time and I'm just being sensitive cause i dont like his "suggestions".
I feel hurt honestly. And he says if he cant be blunt then he just wont tell me what he thinks so I tell him to just not tell me for now on if he cant be gentle about it.
Am I the asshole for not taking the "criticism" of my dumb twitch layout??
TLDR; Bf gives unwanted advice on my twitch layout, I tell him i like how it looks, he says im wrong. I get upset he can't critique me in a nice gentle way and he gets pissed.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oqXDFIQq7d4yJGFXhjpW4Cs6WMInKp4G | a2xgg6 | {
"description": "not telling my boyfriend his friend was flirting with me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my boyfriend his friend was flirting with me? | First off, using a throwaway & typing on mobile so sorry about that. Also TLDR at the end.
Alright, so my boyfriend and I have never been in a relationship before so we're both quite new to the romance department. Im just curious about where I land in this situation.
Background:
My bf and I have a mutual friend I'll call Sam. I've always been closer to Sam but my Bf has known him longer. I talk to Sam a lot because I genuinely enjoy his friendship and our conversations, but also because I feel a bit bad for him. He always complains about how lonely he is and he has a lot of personal family issues that I relate to so I kind of sympathize.
However, our friendship has never gone past anything platonic and I have never given him any indication that im interested or offered to hang out alone with him, etc.
A couple of months ago I had a bit of a disagreement with my Bf and I suffer from anxiety and mild paranoia so I was wholeheartedly convinced he was going to break up with me. I was legit freaking out, sobbing, the works. Tbh very embarrassing looking back but what's done is done.
I messaged a few of my friends to kind of console me and maybe gauge the severity of the situation because I knew I couldn't do it myself. I have a few female AND male friends besides Sam, whom I contacted. I also decided to talk to Sam just because he was friends (albeit not very close, but he's known him a long time) with my Bf and I just wanted an additional opinion.
Sam is very nice to me but he kept on telling me to break up with my Bf and saying "I deserved better" and that "maybe I should move on". I really really really did not want to break up so I took his opinion with a grain of salt but politely thanked him for his input and said "I'll see." Since then, Sam has never mentioned how I should break up with my Bf, but he has been talking to me a LOT more than before, plus he asks me to hang out on our own, which I always politely decline or suggest a group setting.
Fast Forward:
A week or two ago I couldn't login to my snapchat so I asked my Bf to login for me and do my streaks (yeah yeah, very immature, pls don't hate me haha). I was not at all concerned about this because I have nothing to hide and he's done my streaks before for me. He does them and all is well.
However, once I login to my snapchat later that day, I notice that he's messaged a lot of people on my account, and Sam is one of them. I didn't really care but I thought maybe he said something funny so I checked the messages and he was just chatting with Sam casually. No biggie. (Sam saves all chats so I could see the convo).
Then my Bf texts me. He asks why Sam was flirting with me and why he told me to break up with my Bf. Im honestly super confused because I don't remember Sam ever flirting with me. I check the messages and see the bit where I was freaking out. I then explain the situation and apologize, telling him I never wanted to break up and that I was venting to a friend (I had never messaged Sam that I wanted to break up with Bf or that I was mad at him).
Here's the kicker: my Bf gets PISSED. He tells me that he no longer wants to speak to Sam after the rude things he said and that he feels uncomfortable with me continuing to communicate with Sam, although he of course will not stop me and I can still do so if I want. He then sends Sam a message stating how upset he is, how he never wants to talk to him again, how he doesn't want him talking to me, etc.
Sam has not spoken to me since and I feel awful about it. I never wanted to break up with Bf and I never wanted to date Sam, I just wanted to be friends and never recognized what he was saying as flirting, although I did think it wasn't very appropriate for me to hang out with him by myself (which I never did). I was also a little uncomfortable that my Bf was just reading months and months back into my snapchat messages with my friends, but since I don't have anything to hide im not that upset, I just really value my privacy.
So AITA? Should I have told Bf that Sam told me to break up with him? Should my Bf have told Sam to stop talking to me without my consideration? I am just very confused and upset and have been thinking about it a lot.
TLDR; I was very scared that my Bf would break up with me & a friend told me that I should break up with him first. Bf read my message history & got upset & told friend to never talk to him or me again, ending our friendship. AITA for not telling Bf that friend told me these things?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wSeiAXQg0PCDHbZ2eDqlxx6OrF0MWqzM | adqjj6 | {
"description": "worrying about who I'm associated with",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for worrying about who I'm associated with? | So, this video went viral in my area of some girl getting fucked by a dog, which is fucked up, but also, apparently someone I know sort of looks like the girl in the video. I know for a fact it wasn't her, but people are convinced, and so now I'm anxious about it cause I don't wanna be known as the dude who's "friends with the dog girl." Am I a self centered dick, or is that reasonable, or am I worried about nothing? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
56G0weIqgMVWkbwzH3DWhFYADPW4DlFq | a0ftss | null | AITA? Two people did all the work on a group project. | So to preface this I am in college and we were working on a presentation for the class. There are five members in the group me being one of them. We scheduled a group meeting around a week after we got the project. Fast forward to then I show up with my friend who is also in the group to a nearly complete PowerPoint and all the information and research is done. So to try and actually help on the project me and my friend start to structure this presentation and make it look/ flow nice. A few days later we meet up again and break up who’s presenting what slides before the class. We all talk to the teacher and that escalates to one girl crying saying we left all the work to her while the other said we were lazy and that an email was sent out with the work they had done. I or my friend never seen the email. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3uy01LZF9LS5T3SZjQYLE0qAikPQGhna | aadp3k | {
"description": "saying I can control my money",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for saying I can control my money? | Because of serious family problems, I’m living with my grandmother. I’m a minor. She doesn’t have legal guardianship.
Now that that’s out of the way...
I want to buy a new phone cuz my current one sucks. I have more than enough money to buy it, but my grandmother isn’t letting me. My money isn’t in a bank or trust fund. I told her it’s my money and she has no part in deciding what I spend it on.
Was I being an asshole to my grandma, or was I right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aSD8C987ocqhJaljQFnRZo61ckOzofRU | anrdkq | {
"description": "going to management a third time for my neighbor's bass",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for going to management a third time for my neighbor's bass? | I definitely feel like TA because I never went to my neighbor in person the first time. The reason for this was because at the same time I heard that he got a new sound system, I realized (smelled) that he was letting his two dogs use the balcony below me as their only bathroom (he's on the second floor and grass is literally outside of the apartment with dog bag stations) straight on the concrete, and he has never once made eye contact or said hi in passing so I didn't feel comfortable talking to him.
He "works" from home and so is home literally all day every day of the week while I work from home 2-3 days a week. So when I'm home I can hear his music, video games, and movies any time from 8 (start of non-quiet hours) until 9 or 10 (start of quiet time) when I go to bed, off and on. Just constant rumbling of a bass, like I live above a movie theater or like a revving truck. I complained to management about the dog treatment and the bass so they anonymously asked him to stop. The sounds stopped for a few weeks until they gradually increased and got louder again by the holidays.
I complained once more about the bass (he finally started taking his poor dogs outside) and it stopped for two weeks until last Friday it picked up again. Every evening since Friday there is heavy intermittent thunderous rumbling from video games or movies while my BF and I watch TV and it's so freaking annoying. Yesterday I worked from home and I could hear his bass through the floor from music off and on literally from 8am until 9pm while we watched the State of the Union. It sounded like a thunderstorm in the distance.
At this point I feel like it's too late to talk in person if he's mad that I've been going to management, but I want to just point out how his bass transfers and suggest we figure out a way to reduce it. I don't know what management is saying but a general "noise" warning is useless for him. Things were just fine before he got a new sound system and my floor is concrete so I know the construction isn't the problem. We also have a clause in our lease stating:
> "Televisions, stereos or other sound systems should not be heard outside of your unit at any time. Speakers and/or surround sound equipment should be kept away from the walls and the bass kept at such a level as to not disturb your neighbors. Stereos and/or sound systems in vehicles should not be heard from outside of the vehicle."
Yet management tells me they can only warn him, nothing else. So WIBTA if I just keep asking management to talk to him? They do say they prefer residents to come to them for issues, but they also don't even enforce what I just quoted. I really didn't want to have to move but I may just have to. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ECb8SVZGWowHNpHBMEo93Ap98jsAwucm | a3onvr | {
"description": "asking my wife to lose weight",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for asking my wife to lose weight? | I have been with my fiancee for 11 years, we started dating when we were 17, we both became doctors, she is getting a masters degree and I'm a first year resident.
Over the past five years she has been gaining weight, and has gained about 80 pounds. To be fair I have also gained some weight (about 15 pounds over the past 10 years). Her weight has had a huge effect on our sex life, since I do not find her physically attractive, as her BMI hovers around 39 (Almost morbidly obese).
I have been making efforts to lose weight myself, and have tried to get her involved to no avail, so I finally had to tell her I needed her to lose weight for the sake of our relationship and her health. Now she won't be intimate with me. Am I the asshole here?
Edit: Let me clear up some things.
I said she needed to change for the sake of our relationship since sex is a big part of relationships, and is a common factor that motivates divorce. I did not mean I would leave her if she did not lose weight.
- Here are some of the things I tried to do to get her to lose weight: I invited her to go to the gym with me, I started eating healthier to try and motivate her, I got us started in calorie counting and counting macros, we checked her endocrinological profile for any medical problems associated with weight gain, etc. It got me nowhere.
-I did not give her an ultimatum, I simply express the fact that our sex life is being negatively affected by her weight gain. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
w15vs29gh70ZzPmr7bWSB87nWRBQxcSa | a1uz0m | null | AITA? - BF won't let me have male friends? |
AITA?
My S.O is an absolute angel, but he deals with a lot of insecurity from past relationships - people cheating on him, severe emotional abuse, etc, lots of awful, awful stuff. He does a great job not letting it affect our relationship, sometimes his brain will go down a horrible rabbit hole and he'll think a lot of terrible things about me and our relationship and himself, but he does his best to keep it separate and I love him for that.
This being said, he gets really jealous of any boy that I talk to outside of him. Coworkers, old friends, etc. I have a friend who I talk to on occasion, a few times a year probably, we never hang out and our conversations are a lot of the same "hey how are you, how's life, what's new" type thing. We talk about our relationships and our careers, we've been open enough to talk about our sex lives and once joked seriously about being fuck buddies. Nothing ever happened between us and I can only speak for myself, but there's no attraction there at all. No one has ever made any moves and fast forward like two years to today, we are platonic friends.
He texted me and invited me to come see his new place, wanted to catch up and hear about my new boyfriend. I felt like me going to his apartment alone would be a violation of smart relationship boundaries and would look bad so I suggested bringing my boyfriend along. I then told my boyfriend about it and he got a little bit upset.. In full transparency, i told him about our history (above) and this set him off. He said he doesn't understand why I think it's appropriate to keep this guy around after having considered him as a fuck buddy option in the past and now hasn't responded to me in over an hour (I think he's trying to cool off). I on principle don't believe in giving up friends for romantic partners. so here we are.
Am I the asshole here? I thought that the transparency would help him over time with learning to feel secure trusting me, thought it was the best route. Should I not have said anything? Am I wrong for keeping this guy as a friend in spite of the history of considering him as a fuck buddy for like five minutes? I'm kind of at a loss but am genuinely wondering what the appropriate action is and if I'm in the wrong.
TL;DR: BF has bad history. In an attempt to be sensitive to that, I may have over-shared about my history with a male friend (I am female) who wants to hang out. BF got mad, doesn't seem cool with me being friends with the dude anymore.. I, on principle, don't believe in giving up friends for significant others. Who is the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
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"RIGHT": 8,
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hiY9pb1Ow8BvSB6pTsUdt4eiBT0vniGP | axt35l | {
"description": "not eating a meal that I paid for",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not eating a meal that I paid for? | I went to a restaurant with my girlfriend today and ordered some food and a drink, but when my food came and I took a bite I realized I wasnt hungry. I told my girlfriend this and she immediatley looked at me like I had 2 heads. So I waited for her to finish eating then went and paid and got a to go box for later since there wasnt anything wrong with the food.
Once we got back into my truck I asked her if everything was okay and she immediately went into how I was an asshole for not eating and criticizing me for changing my mind after Id already ordered my food (and then sunsequently paid for). As well as trying to make me feel bad by asking how I would feel if I worked in a restaurant and someone did the same thing I did (I wouldnt care because as long as they arent complaining then theyre choice not to eat is their own IMO.)
So am I the Asshole for not eating a meal I paid for or no? Id like ya'lls opinions please. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 13,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5A1rxvwvi3mFyR0nrkoKqWk75RMDBVI2 | b79qo1 | {
"description": "being upset when my wife calls me rude constantly",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being upset when my wife calls me rude constantly? | I consider myself a typically blunt person and understand that being misread as rude comes with that and it’s fine, when I began dating my now wife and made it clear that I am a blunt person. Everything was fine she’d mention occasionally that something I said could be taken as rude but never said that what I was saying was in fact rude.
Jump to now 1 year later and apparently anything I say is rude especially if we’re arguing I’ll ask how but she has no real answer other than “it just is” but as I see it I’m being honest. For instance she asks me a question about my opinion on wether or not we can move my art I bought (to a location on the wall where I can’t see it really) to put up her $10 map she bought because it’s huge, I told her “I really don’t want to do that” and she starts bawling and calling me rude and from that point on she insists that I’m being an ass about it but all I did was say I don’t want to move my art (old example and there are probably better ones but this is the only one I can think of right now).
Pretty much that’s how any argument we have goes and I’ve just taken to telling her she’s rude for saying I’m rude because it feels manipulative.
AITA for being upset for being called rude just because I’m being honest? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
qtQC4thXtXOiD2MTmjCl2ZBKpyr3e8eV | aqfh11 | {
"description": "telling my sons dad I won't change my plans on a day my sons scheduled to be with him because of a b-day party he was invited to",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my sons dad I won’t change my plans on a day my sons scheduled to be with him because of a b-day party He was invited to? | I’ll try to make this short. My son lives with me the majority of the time. He goes to school near our home and his friends are all around our home or school. He goes to his dads Friday-Sunday and it’s about 45 minutes away from us . He was invited to a bday party Friday evening, a night he’s scheduled to be with his dad. I gave his dad the party info, told him to RSVP if our son wanted to go and if he wanted to take him. He then asked me if I would take him since it’s close to my house. I already have plans so I told him no. There was a spew of texts after about how much driving he’ll have to do and how much easier it would be if I provided the transportation since it’s close. But to me, it’s his parenting day so he should, you know, be the parent. It’s unreasonable for him to ask me to change my plans because he doesn’t want to do the driving. So am I the asshole for saying no and my son missing out on a party? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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vFHPxTmkY4QYXkBacPigg7N9DRNhlVg8 | b6mbzb | {
"description": "not wanting anything to do with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting anything to do with my parents? | Im 18 almost 19 now, and ever since i was around 13 my parents would borrow money from me, it started out in little chunks but when i got my job it started to be a lot. They both live WELL above their means and so the money that i lent them went right to bills. The total of this got to be 4100 around a month ago. This caused problems for me not having ANY extra money to do anything, ill give them credit they left me enough to pay for my school and gas but thats about it. They would sometimes start to pay me back in little chunks too but that stopped. This always caused arguments because i would explain to them how poorly they are using their money and would literally be able to point out all of the stuff they didnt need that they spent way too much on. This always made them mad and there was a lot of yelling involved on both sides. The kicker of this is that the only reason i lent them money is because my dads brother had all of the money from my grandma who died and would always make excuses not to give it to my dad, well my dad eventually went down there and got his share of the money and i was expecting to be paid back and not have to worry about being broke and wearing the same clothes all the time. Well 2 weeks ago i figured out my dad used the money to pay everyone back that he had borrowed from except me. He paid his friends back, he paid my other grandparents back, but not me. So i confronted him about it and he ended up giving me 1500, and never brought up the rest of it.
The last argument was caused because my mom would wear my shoes outside in the yard for some reason (i am a 6 foot tall guy with huge feet) but she wouldnt put her feet all the way in and she would wear them like sandals, which broke the heel of my shoes. I very angrily asked her why she was doing that and now i needed to buy new shoes, she starts going off about how ive been cold to them (which is true) and how i dont respect them (also true). I love my parents, cant change them, but i absolutely do not respect them. So i told my mom “it is very hard to respect someone who refuses to pay back their own son” and so she asked again if i respected her and i said “no, but that doesnt mean you guys arent my family and that i dont love you guys” well after that she asked what time i worked on friday and that i will have to have my stuff packed and out of the house by that time tomorrow.
So, am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
LJa9bXKDFD2C3qWZ2uXvpenBzW6bh5Bo | ao3bs0 | {
"description": "not wanting to go to a closer school",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go to a closer school | I need to take a bus and a train to go to the school i used to go to. But theres a high school 5 mins aways from where i live . Only thing is its worse than my old one.Not to mention i just dont want to go there. The main trump card of theirs is that my ten year old brother cannot walk 400 metres to His school so they need me to walk him to his school. Am i wrong in this? Im in year 11. Hes in year 5. To get to his school he needs to cross two roads. One of which is outside of his school. The other is a t section that is quite busy with pedestrians as the t section goes to a train station. Not to mention there are many school kids around at the time he is supposed to cross.(not the one he goes to but still). Could he not go by himself is what i have been saying. They dont agree. I even agreed to join the school thinking if it was alright i would stay. But its not. I like my old one better. Its not about me not liking it because i dont have any friends there. I just find the old one better. It even has a higher rating score.(If it matters).I have told them this. They refuse to listen. They keep saying they need someone to take my brother to his school. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
hiBXBAlrOaphNCeHbeDOqQ7LRNekb9M3 | b05i9y | {
"description": "being offended at boyfriend saying this",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being offended at boyfriend saying this? | Bf and I got into a fight recently over whether or not I need a nosejob. I feel like it would make me prettier and happier, but he doesn't want me to change my features.
After a few min of debate over text, he says "I didn't fall in love with some bitch that got a nosejob."
I was absolutely astonished that he would say this to me. He basically called me a bitch for wanting a surgery? I'll be honest, I lost my temper and probably blew it up bigger than it needed to be.
Then, after I told him he offended me, he didn't understand what about it was offensive. I don't understand how in the world he cannot see how this is offensive to me.
So reddit... am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Fogk1RTEzhrSK5NnlpZFx1Ywq6L7bPrx | a925ud | {
"description": "wanting my Gf to ditch her best friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for wanting my Gf to ditch her best friend? | So my gf(21F) and I (22M) we’re trying to figure out what to do New Years. I suggest a place with open bar as we’re both of age and I have off work the next day which is unusual for me. She then tells me we can’t cause she spends every year with her friend (20F) who is underage. And she has no other friends to spend the new year with. This made me upset as we are both overage and this is the first time I’ve been of age with a S.O.
I was low key hinting that she doesn’t have to spend every New Years with her and we could do our own thing. But she didn’t want any of that. So she’s been trying to find options that are 18 plus which are few and far between. But pretty much there’s only shitty house parties and Dave and busters. Neither of which seem like a good time for New Years.
My Gf is stressing out over this about trying to make everyone happy. She suggested I go out with other people and do my own thing but as we’ve been dating a year I obviously want to spend New Years with her. So I just compromised with her to go to some shitty warehouse party so her friend will be able to go.
AITA for wanting my girlfriend to just tell her friend she’s hanging out with me so we can go out and go to actual New Years events as 95% of them are 21+?
TLDR; want to go to bars for New Years . gf has to hangout with friend who is underage so I compromise to go to shitty warehouse party | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
XiZW5zb5g06iRjjUXOUCxyy6s30Wlqff | b8k1bx | {
"description": "putting my roommate's dirty dishes on their stool in their personal space",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for putting my roommate's dirty dishes on their stool in their personal space? | I have a roommate who almost never does their own dishes, and for the first 6 months my fiancee and I would just do them to keep them out of the way. I then decided to clean ALL the dishes one week and lay the ground rule that *anyone leaving dishes on the counter(where we all prep food in our tiny kitchen) or in the sink longer than 3 days will be liable to have them put out of the kitchen and into their personal space, unless they know of a better solution that doesn't result in other people having to do *someone else's dishes. I made it known I was fine being held to this standard myself, and was very fine working with any other solution that didn't mean others having to do my dishes or vice versa- really anything with some enforcement method. A couple weeks go by, and some dishes are stuck in the middle of the food prep counter, so I bagged them and put them on the stool, to a ranting tyrade over our group chat from roommate in question.
Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 0
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bY5r9XqTNlNRd7cl8jynaxaDDEgbR8Ky | am4avg | {
"description": "not wanting to take care of my soon to be Mother/Brother in law",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to take care of my soon to be Mother/Brother in law? |
I’m getting married soon, this girl is the love of my life. We have known each other for over a decade and have been together for five years. She moved across the country with me for my new job, she is wickedly intelligent, beautiful and does not have a malicious bone in her body. I have no doubt in my mind I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Leading up to the wedding I have of course been thinking about the future. Kids, where our careers will take us, the works. I came to the realization that we will likely be taking care of her mother BEFORE we even have children.
Now here is some backstory about her mom.. Her mom, lets call her Margaret has not held a job since she was in her 20s. She has been living off of the state since her last divorce. On the surface she is a nice lady, an actual sweetheart but getting to know her more I’ve realized she’s also extremely manipulative. After my SO will have conversations with her about the wedding she is usually pretty frustrated because these conversations all devolve into what her MOM thinks or wants with the wedding. She did survive a battle with cancer a few years back (thankfully) but she manages to bring it up in almost EVERY conversation for what seems like pity points or to swing things in her favor. She asks for money constantly “Hey sweethearts, I need some money because Billy (her 27 year old brother who STILL lives with his mom and won’t get a job because he has anxiety...) needs cigarettes”.
I’ve come to the realization that it’s only a matter of time before a situation will arise that will lead to her asking to move in. This will probably include her brother. We are 27 and 24 respectively and we are just starting our lives. We both have great jobs but we are building up to support our children, not full grown adults who refuse to take care of themselves.
We obviously can’t NOT help them in dire situations but I feel they are starting to see us as their retirement plans and it is incredibly frustrating.
How do I even approach this.
Am I the asshole for thinking like this?
(Sorry for grammatical issues I typed this up on mobile) | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 8,
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dzbsCiLe1gsuKLZfCvqKVnnNCW2X4OX8 | a4nrl3 | {
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my family for not letting me hang out with some friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to spend time with my family for not letting me hang out with some friends | To start off, I'm 17 and I'm aware this is a light subject. I just wanted some feedback.
So it's recently snowed where I live and it's the most snow we've gotten in 10 years, being 12 inches.
My friend lives about 2/3 of a mile down the road from me and another guy was there and we were just gonna hang out and maybe screw around in the snow. Later they said another friend of mine would pick us up in his Jeep and we would go to this hill about two miles away and sled down it. There is sort of a hill on the way there on a road that hasn't been plowed, but my friends Jeep has AWD.
So I go ask my parents if it's cool for me to walk to my friends' house (2/3 mile away) and then take a ride to the hill to sled down.
My dad gets pissed at me for asking and then complains about how I've started to hang out with my friends too much and that it's too dangerous.
My mom says that my friend is an inexperienced driver and that I can't go.
I compromise and then say well what if I just walk down to my friend's house, we hang out, and then they can go on ahead in his Jeep and I'll just split off and walk back home.
My mom gets pissed for being persistent (asking twice?) and tells me that it's too dangerous to *walk*. In 12 inches of snow. I have boots, layers of clothing, thick socks, etc.
I tried to challenge this by saying I can definitely handle walking this distance in snow, but she said my feet will get wet and ,to quote her, "I'll get hypothermia and freeze". On a 2/3 mile walk? If this helps my argument at all, the day before I had gone on a run and ran 7 miles in 38°...
We argue back and forth for a minute or two.
Anyway, I embarrassingly told my friends that my parents won't let me do any of their plans and just went up to my room. Right now I'm doing homework that won't be due for 4-5 days because I have nothing better to do.
My parents are now mad at me for not coming downstairs to eat dinner or help with the christmas tree. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
zX8zAb48jMYneZQcogRQA7NA6unLj2Zs | b4ryrt | {
"description": "disappointing my friends by \"not being into\" their dinner party",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for disappointing my friends by "not being into" their dinner party? | So I have two good friend who are a couple and every few months they host a dinner party where we drink and eat together pot-luck style.
It makes them really happy and they look forward to it each time and it's important for them. And honestly, I love it too!
But during the last dinner party, I wasn't able to be myself due to catching a last-minute cold or something.
My throat was sore to the point that swallowing anything (food included) was painful. My head was pounding like I had an angry man inside trying to escape, and every noise (even the background music and conversation) sent shooting pains to my head.
So naturally, I'm just wishing for the whole thing to be over. I'm here to support my friends because they expect me to be there, and nothing more.
I don't engage much in dinner conversation with the other guests, don't really say much at all, and look pretty glum the whole time due to my headache.
Don't get me wrong: when someone spoke directly to me, I smiled and put on an act of enjoying myself. But in-between those periods, I looked like a zombie.
I also keep stealthily checking my phone during the party waiting for a reasonable time to make an excuse to leave (which the hosts apparently noticed).
At the end, my friends confronted me that I was being very rude the whole time for not looking like I was enjoying myself.
I think I was being a pretty good friend because despite feeling like utter shit, I still showed up to support their dinner party.
So I guess my question is AITA in this situation?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
R5Rmmn8McXEx1vYFOLuUDGmhhVgcIcTc | acymbd | {
"description": "being upset at someone who gives no regards to my personal opinions or property",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset at someone who gives no regards to my personal opinions or property? | Throwaway because I can be ID on my main account
I’ve known this guy since high school. He was pretty cool but after high school we haven’t really spoken with each other since he moved away for college and I stayed around the area. We’re all still in college 18-20 range so while we get fucked up access to alcohol and nicotine is inconvenient. After 2 years of college, he’s misteriously came back to the area and started attending community college around us. At first it was pretty cool because I got to get back with an old friend, but it soon became apparent that he just wasn’t the same person as he was in high school. There were couple red flags that set off for me:
He would often lie about his drug experiences and the girls he is getting. Upon verifying these with mutual friends, 90% of these were false. However these don’t really interfere with me, and it’s all harmless so i never called him out on it. But at one point he went as far as to tell me that he’d fuck my ex just to spite me out of nowhere. He then says “issa joke bb” and acts like it’s ok to say that.
He would call me an asshole for doing something, and then proceeds to do the same. Our friend group goes to a lot of concerts. We all have difference in opinions and who we want to see so I respect that. Now there were two specific concerts happening for nye. They were both 400+ miles away so it was something we have to plan in advance. Concert A was slightly more expensive, had a smaller line up, but all of them were known names. Concert B was slightly cheaper but with slightly lesser names, but had a lot more artists attending. While Concert B would be the obvious choice, at this point half of us already bought a ticket to Concert A and I really wanted to see a specific artist that plays at Concert A. Enter the guy, he didn’t buy a ticket because he didn’t think the show would sell out, so he wanted to go to Concert A instead. A lot of the group were ok with the idea so I tell them I’ll go alone to Concert B if I have to because I really want to see this specific artist. The guy then proceeds to call me an asshole for an hour for not wanting to go with the group. All good, I get it, whatever. What sets me off is that eventually due to logistical reasons, the majority of the group settles on Concert B. He then tells us that he wants to go to Concert A alone. He says he would do the very thing he called me out on a month ago.
Like I said, we like to go to concerts and we very obviously get fucked up. So after an event I once shared my personal experience under the influence. It was very different from my other experiences. However the guy tells me I’m wrong because he knows more than me on the topic as he is a biochem major (note that he no longer attends to that school he was a biochem major at) he invalidates my personal experience because of a book from the 70s said so. So you’d expect him to uphold the same standard for you. However whenever we talk about my major related topics, he tells me that I’m wrong, and knows more than me because he has a lot of friends taking that major.
Now why did I include property on the title? As we were heading to Concert B, no one had alc and I was the only one with alcohol. Since were all under 21, we can’t exactly walk out the door and buy more. As we were pregaming at a different friends house and make plans to leave, the guy comes late with two of his friends he knew from his previous college. He grabs my alcohol without asking and hands it to them and they kill a bottle. Couple things set me off here: I don’t know these people and he took what’s mine and acted like he owned it. Hes previously burnt multiple coils for my vape, he slams my car doors, he hands around my vape to others without asking, etc...
Now in most of these occasions I have not called him out on his shit. I’ve only actively argued with him for the third reason (fourth paragraph). My friends tell me to stop fighting him, but I don’t see how it’s fighting when I’m just feeling actively harassed by the guy. The other day we were arguing about something that does not pertain to him so I get fed up and tell him “shut the fuck up it’s not your business” just so I can change the topic and get it over with. He then resorts to telling me he’d literally beat me up, in person not over the internet.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 2,
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0G8bv9WL3s9yJk9RkCf3ANQcUWiFlQoV | attid5 | {
"description": "not contacting my friends as often as before after I got a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For not contacting my friends as often as before after I got a boyfriend? | For context, I have three really good friends, on a level of siblings, gaming buddies that I used to play with. We played only one game, and when that didn't work we rarely played another one. Thing is that since December I got a boyfriend. Long distance. And I have been spending every day with him.
I rarely passed to play with my friends and spoke to them daily, and frequently, but they started replying back less and less. At least one of them that I was really close with gives me simple and short replies. Was I in the wrong this time? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
4Zd9ybmiS7JPrWx4R71493KzMKJFkqIW | ae6ing | {
"description": "getting mad at my aunt about (kind of?) pushing religion onto my brother",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for getting mad at my aunt about (kind of?) pushing religion onto my brother? | The backstory: my brother is 11, autistic, and very easily convinced of things (gullible.). I’ll call him Jake. My aunt is 60-something and Christian. Let’s call her Sherry.
Me, Sherry, Jake and my mum are all sitting together at the dining table. Jake is on his DS when he asks, “Auntie Sherry, who was the first person alive on Earth?”, and to this Sherry says “Adam was the first person ever created.”. I get a little annoyed at this, and I say to Jake “That’s what auntie Sherry believes.”.
And Jake, ignoring me, asks “Who made Adam?”, so Sherry says to him that God created Adam. I’m getting pretty angry at this point, so I whisper in Sherry’s ear that she knows how Jake is, and that she shouldn’t push things onto him. She says that he’s allowed to have his own opinion. So I say, pretty angrily, to Jake, that “that’s rubbish Jake, don’t listen to her.”
Yes, I know that was a crappy thing to say. It was really dumb, but she knows what he’s like! She knows that he will believe it, and he won’t form his own opinion!
And she starts saying something about how ‘he can listen to her, he can believe what he wants to, he can do this and that,’ and I just storm off. My mums yelling in the background, Sherry is glaring at me, Jake is stressing out and stimming because it’s too loud, the whole set.
(I know what I said about Jake sounds really awful, but it’s true. He just soaks up everything everyone says like a sponge. Also, if the formatting is messed up, I’m on mobile.)
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
fztLGCxd9H3TeBAxkpzUiFCBXnq2zAxE | aknfvw | {
"description": "writing a fake review of my coworker to improve her work ethic",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for writing a fake review of my coworker to improve her work ethic? | TL;DR - had worst coworker in the world, learned she read our restaurant reviews and was self-conscious so I wrote a fake review insulting her customer service. She improved herself but I'm feeling guilty, thinking perhaps I could've talked to her again and convinced her better.
​
I'm a manager at a small family owned business in a small town. One of my coworkers was completely lazy and we all had to remind her to do her job on a daily basis. She wouldn't greet customers and stare at them until they ask her for help first, she'd text her boyfriend throughout her shift, she complained about how tired she is and leave after working for an hour, and I got one customer complaint at the least about her every time she works.
​
She hadn't been fired because she is the best friend of the owner's daughter.
​
One thing I learned about her is that she constantly reads customer reviews and is incredibly self-conscious about how other people think of her. So I wrote a fake customer review recounting how the customer received terrible service from her, making sure to describe her (she has a very distinct hair colour and piercings) as best as I could, how she should be fired and how she forfeited a big tip.
​
A week goes by and my coworker comes in with significantly less piercings and a completely different hair colour, as well as significantly improved her work ethic. After questioning her, she mentioned the review and knew she had to pick up her slack. It's been a few months and she's a model employee and a joy to work with.
​
I'm feeling a little guilty now. Every single employee and our boss had talked to her and attempted to re-train her to improve herself, but it never worked. Instead of writing that review and keeping her on edge all the time, perhaps I could've attempted to talk to her and explain how shitty she's being.
​
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 23
} | RIGHT |
jv8fF0lL4Pn0CegEnXFyOn2SEExXmw6e | ame668 | {
"description": "kicking a girl who hates me from my Discord server",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking a girl who hates me from my Discord server? | Hi, this is something that has really been bothering me for the past week and I want to know what other people think. I'm embarrassed and insecure about this, so I made the account just for this to not have it associated with my main account so certain people don't see it. This is a long post, and I'm sorry for that, I just want to explain everything as best I can, and be judged fully.
Before I go into the story, context; I'm a 15 year old guy, and until the beginning of January, I was in a friendgroup online. Some of the people knew each other Irl, but most didn't. I hung out with them on Discord since at least the start of November, I've left their group chats and servers so I can't check if it was any earlier, but I think it was earlier but I wan't too involved before November. I've made one good friend out of the group who I still talk to, and one who is nice but mostly busy so I'm not as close. In the friendgroup, there is this one girl, whom I'll call Cat. She is 13, and she has always really hated me. I still don't know exactly why, but her main reason are that I'm a "WHINY FUCKING BITCH" (quote from the thing that made me leave the friendgroup). I have and still have had not good mental health to say the least, but I'm not going to go that far into detail into it, other than everyone in the friendgroup knows it. Hanging out with that group made my mental health worse, and the main part of that was the girl. She started arguments in the group almost every single day, almost always with one of her friends who she knew for about three years before I met any of them, and the arguments were some of the worst I've seen, but they always pretend like it hasn't happened after a few hours, and go back to acting like good friends. These arguments were always about the most petty of things, and she has freaked out at me for the things like not saying I'll leave the conversation they're having because they were talking about sex and that makes me incredibly uncomfortable, and she got pissed at me for muting the groupchat because she was sending photos of the sky, and , I know this may sound stupid to some, seeing the sky makes me anxious and I have had panic attacks over seeing pictures of it before, and has said and done alot of other things that've made me feel like absolute crap, something that everyone in the friendgroup also knows. I also own and run a server for and about art, which has over 100 members, and although I don't make art myself because I'm crap at it, my friends wanted the server and thought I was the best person to own and run it due to having experience with running and making servers. The final piece of context was that one of the friends from the group (who I will call Rabbit) runs another, smaller art server which has only her from that friendgroup in, and has alot of my other close online friends in where we say alot of personal things. Rabbit and I aren't close, but she was the first person in the friendgroup I met and she's okay most of the time, but has a track record of doing and saying horrible stuff out of pettiness, and lying and doing manipulative things. The main reason I'm still in the server is that most my friends in there haven't seen that side of her, and I want to hang out with them, though luckily Rabbit is only occasionally active. I left the friendgroup because of Cat, due to an argument she started against me in a new hangout server for that friendgroup whilst spewing insults at me. I tried to resolve the argument and told her I'd stop doing the things she didn't like about me, but she kept insulting me, admitted to ignoring and not reading the messages I sent. She then went on to say some things that hit me very personally, so I left the server and every server that had her in, and removed her from my own servers. She has never apologised. I know Cat has had some rough times and has been bullied, and has trouble walking due to the muscles in her legs growing incorrectly, and since has had an operation to fix it, but i don't think this is an excuse to do what she has done or be an asshole.
So, the story. I'm going to try and make it as unbiased as possible because I want to accurately know if I really am in the wrong here. Me and my friends (the ones not in the friendgroup) were talking about some personal things, mostly how to deal with bullying at school, when Rabbit invited Cat to the server. It took me a second to realise like it was her, due to changing her discord username and profile picture since I last interacted with her, but the numbers of the tag seemed familiar, and I checked DMs and it was her. I then said I was going to go quiet on the server for a bit and to tell me when I can return, as Cat started talking on the server. My other friends were confused since they didn't know Cat, so I explained it to them in a private hangout server one of them made. Meanwhile, Cat had stopped talking on the Rabbit's server and my friends started talking about music, though I only checked to look at it and never said anything myself. Then I get a notification from my server.
​
Cat had joined my server, and because of her hating me and the prior incidents, and I didn't want her to start any arguments in my server, I kicked her. She then tries to join again, says "Rude" in the server, and I kick her again and ban her. She then @s me in Rabbit's server, disrupts my friends' conversation, and starts saying I should let her join because Rabbit invited her and she just wants to have fun with Rabbit, and that I'm immature, unprofessional and shouldn't even run a server if I'm going to hold a grudge against her. However, I feel its reasonable to hold it against her considering she is not sorry, has not apologised, and also Rabbit has not used my server in two months. I tell her that I don't want to talk to her nor be in contact with her, and I don't want her in my server, and remind her that the last thing she said to me was "I NEVER WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO YOUR BITCHASS EVER AGAIN". I stop talking for a few minutes, so she spams messages until I respond. The argument also makes one of my friends uncomfortable and very anxious, so she logs out of Discord, and no one else talks. I respond as calmly as I can because I really don't want to have another argument, and she continues typing in all caps and insulting me, saying that I have no right to stop her having fun. Then Rabbit joins in and sides with her, and they both keep on arguing that its immature, stupid et cetera and that I should let her join, while at this point I stopped responding. They then invite another friend from the old friendgroup to side with them in arguing against me. Eventually I respond, and say I'll let Cat join if she apologises for what she said last time we talked, and if she apologises for disrupting my friend's conversation and causing a scene in the server. She then keeps insisting that she has nothing to apologise for and says I should be the one who apologises, and the three of them resume berating me. I change my offer to only apologises for causing a scene in the server, and the same thing happens. I relent because I really just want it to stop at his point, and let her join. She then says some stuff in my server about something she drew, and has not used it since the day she joined, and I go to my bed crying because of some of what she said then and before, and I was worried that i was in the wrong. She hasn't used my server since the day she joined, and I'd like to kick or ban her from it but I won't unless she actually does something wrong because I don't want another argument. I told some of my friends and they thought I was in the right, but I'm worried they only said it to comfort me or the answer was too bias to be reliable. A week later, and I'm posting this here. Am I the asshole?
TLDR: I kicked a girl from my server because of things she previously has said and done things that have made me feel really crap and the fact she hates me, who then threw a hissyfit at me in another server because of it, and let her join after to stop the argument. Am I the asshole?
Sidenote: The nicknames of the people in the friendgroup are due to what pets they have. Cat has five cats, and Rabbit has two rabbits. They are good bois and gurls regardless of what i think of their owners.
Thanks for reading, sorry that it's so long. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WC6UyQPB7GjiCUW3NML2hx1ugWIy9LcH | agmtp8 | {
"description": "telling my mother that my dad cheated on her",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my mother that my dad cheated on her | So my phone's battery died so I had to use my dad's old phone for awhile. For some reason he didn't delete his old messages which I have obviously read. He was sending messages to another women , telling her how he loved her and how he wanted to do "stuff" with her. So I have told on my dad. My mother never could fully forgive my father and he didn't really try to seek forgiveness other than buy her an expensive ring. She still reminds him of the accident during huge fights and my father always blames me for telling on him and for destroying our family. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
JKZ8PjSusT8OnzWzv7IlSVqYaV4KBuH2 | au41ba | {
"description": "wanting to tell my boyfriend that I'd like us to go on a break when he gets home from his friend's bachelor party weekend tomorrow",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for wanting to tell my boyfriend that I’d like us to go on a break when he gets home from his friend’s bachelor party weekend tomorrow? | My boyfriend’s friends are all really rich and have these really extravagant weekend long bachelor parties out of town. My boyfriend is at one right now, and I know he’s easily spent at least a grand on it. We are both in the special ed field and are obviously NOT rich at all. I’m happy he’s with his friends and having a good time, but I feel so mad about the money. He’s not even a groomsman in this wedding
I’m so confused about if my feelings are legit or not. He always talks about how he wishes he made more money and could do more for us and then he just drops a thousand dollars on this dude’s bachelor party? Also this friend drunkenly made me cry once years ago and has never apologized and barely spoken to me and I just hate all of it. AITA for feeling like I want to take a break and have some time apart? We live together if that is important information. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
LSzBHOry9ihwViWTDJv4s9n7QChe0MKz | akq9wg | {
"description": "having feelings for someone other than my wife",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for having feelings for someone other than my wife? | I've been with my wife for 6 years (high school sweet hearts) and we've been married for 2 years.
So, it all started when I found out she was cheating on me with a guy who lives a few states away, but she took my money to go buy a plane ticket to see him.
When I found out about the cheating, it broke me. I gave up family, friends, and job opportunities to please her. I started drinking hard, but I have since stopped.
However, at a time when we were at our worst, I found a random girl at a resterant, she was sitting alone, something told me to go talk to her, so I did.
Ever since then I've had feelings for this girl 10x stronger than what I have felt for my wife.
What's stopping me however is the fact that I know my wife will take my daughter from me, and my daughter is everything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
lawd627eXC2LvUsGNyxpxYvJc3LAn8V9 | a6ozgm | {
"description": "giving my girlfriend a nose ring ultimatum",
"pronormative_score": 52,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for giving my girlfriend a nose ring ultimatum? | I am really grossed out by nose rings, and they make me pretty uncomfortable.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about two years now (we're in our mid-20s), and we live together. We usually don't have a lot of friction, so the past few days have been very unusual.
After dinner on Saturday, we were talking and the topic of nose rings came up. I mentioned that I'm really grossed out by nose rings, and that they make me pretty uncomfortable. My girlfriend said she really wanted one, and had been planning on getting one sometime in the future. This led to a pretty big argument.
Nose rings just really gross me out. I don't judge people who get them, and I understand other people must find them nice to look at, I just don't. I really love my girlfriend, but this is a dealbreaker for me. I told her that I really didn't want her to get one. She got upset, and told me that she feels like saying that was controlling of me, and that she should be the one in charge of her body. I told her that I agree she should be in charge of her body, but that they really made me uncomfortable. I told her that I understand her wanting to get one, and that if she really wants one then she should do it, but that I would be uncomfortable being in a relationship with her if she did.
This really upset her, and one of the arguments she made after I told her that really made me think. She asked me whether I would break up with her if she was injured in some way that made looking at her uncomfortable, and I told her I didn't think I would, because supporting her would be the right thing to do. She told me she felt like I was being hypocritical, because in both cases I wouldn't be comfortable. I can kind of see where she's coming from, but it feels really different to me.
I'm kind of looking for a sanity check. I don't want to be controlling, but nose rings really do feel like a dealbreaker to me. Am I being an asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 52,
"WRONG": 24
} | RIGHT |
Yl0l95MVQjS7e2tJDIhnhwU1gjIyflh6 | b8uq9s | null | AITA?? Family drama | TL;DR: at the bottom of this fiasco...
So the characters in this story are as follows: brother: B, Sister: S, fiance: F, Me: me
So onto the problem.
Me and my fiance offer to help charge B's batteries every once in awhile, but B now asks us to charge them daily, if not twice a day. I told him our batteries were dead and we were in the process of charging a set, and offered him a cord so he could plug his vape into his car and still vape he said no and drove off. A few hours later the following conversation ensued over text messages:
B: Y'all really don't have charged batteries?
Me: we might have some later just not right now. Unless you want partially charged ones that are probably 40% or 50%
B: I mean it's more than I have lol but ok
Me: I don't know what else you want me to tell you B
B: I'm not mad Chara! I'm just sayin like my shit dead dead
Me: I'm not either, but I offered you cord so you could charge it and still Vape at the same time. And I can't hurry up the battery set that's charging. We're probably going to give you our extra set, so you can charge those either in the car or at home, because my Vapes dead dead. F's Vape is almost dead and we're waiting on the other set to charge
B: No worries then
Me: (confused) So are you getting your batteries or not? F's on doordash right now so he's out delivering food to people
B: Chara don't worry about it then I won't come grab any
Me: Then why do you keep asking for batteries? I'm so confused with you right now
B: I NEED BATTERIES BUT IF ITS THAT BIG OF A DAMN DEAL I'LL JUST LEAVE THE BITCH AT HOME TO CHARGE AND NOT SMOKE AT ALL
At this point I snapped
Me: I offered you fucking extra batteries, don't sit there and try to patronize me. You are not my dad. YOU ARE NOT THAT SHIT STAIN THAT CALLS HIMSELF A FATHER. You're biting a hand that's trying to help you out. Keep up your fucking attitude and you won't have anybody. S is done with your shit, you haven't even tried to talk to S to try and patch the shit you've done. I'm homeless! I live out of a fucking car and I don't even ask S or anybody for fucking money. You want to be a big man you should be the one apologizing to her. I'm done with your shit. Grow the fuck up and stop acting like a fucking little bitch you're in military, God damn it, start acting like it.
B: what the fuck is wrong with you? I sent you that message in all caps since you don't know how to read! If it's such a problem, don't offer to charge them!
Me: you have taken that for granted. I offered you an extra set... B, you have a roof over your head! I haven't asked anyone for money and I live out of a car!
Nothing after that.
Am I the asshole in this situation?
TL; DR: me and my brother got into an argument, over charging batteries for my brothers vape, he got mad (and rude in my opinion) and I lashed out harshly. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
lg0ZCOmgVdlvzIl18rXqcJybBTKyBZ40 | b524w0 | {
"description": "leaving work early even though I'm sick",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving work early even though I'm sick? | Long, long background that I'll shove into a few sentences. I'm 18F and always sick. I currently see eight doctors. I get very weak at my job and have to leave early constantly. I asked my manager for shorter shifts (like 6 hours) and she responded by scheduling me 8 1/2 to 10 hour shifts on the busiest days while still keeping me from getting overtime. She also schedules me to close because she knows I won't leave early no matter how bad I feel because I hate making other people do my job. Luckily, I've put in my two weeks notice, so I only have to make it until the 31st, but it's still hard.
Today I woke up vomiting. I'm currently going through withdrawal because my doctor cut my anxiety/depression meds cold turkey. I also have an extreme case of sciatica. That's along with my usual health problems. And I'm scheduled to close today alone (Sunday is our busiest day. Packed-out-the-door busy. And I'm supposed to close alone).
I immediately knew I wouldn't make it to the end of my shift and started calling around for anyone to come take over. I got two people willing to come help me until I reached my limit, and then I could go home and they'd manage on their own. I told my manager that I'm sick and can't stay but I got a replacement, and was told that they needed me to stay. Because I'm such a necessary part of the Crew that my health should come last.
So instead of leaving at 11, I made it to 4:30. That's when I hit my absolute limit. If I stayed any longer, I would've collapsed. No escaping it. So I said thanks to my coworkers and clocked out. Then I got yelled at and written up for clocking out without permission. But? I already gave my two weeks notice so getting written up does absolutely nothing to me. And now I'm in bed feeling insanely guilty for taking care of myself.
Should I have put my work first? Am I the asshole for leaving early?
Tldr; very very sick, left work early, yelled at and written up for abandoning the team. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jFUYfF6LsztXCkGbqESpNNNuLpFIqdDc | abtpzu | {
"description": "not speaking with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not speaking with my sister? | Sister and I have had a fairly good relationship, shes 6 years younger than me (26M).
Shes been very hotheaded the past few years, and admittedly I was the same way at her age - essentially unable to have a conversation without you storming away upset, and incapable of taking criticism and refuses to ever say sorry.
I want an apology from her for this behaviour, but everytime I try to speak to her about it in a calm way, she blows up again and storms away, restarting the whole ordeal. Havent spoken with her since a few days after xmas and its kinda made the visit back home awkward.
Am I the asshole for not speaking with her until she realizes how she is acting is wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
7UHJmgaiurjO0cFnFdi1ZYG28IcqxVll | a2ian2 | null | AITA:Cat truouble | This story a happened a few years ago but its still bothering me because i think i was wrongfully accused of being an asshole.
Here goes. I was dating this one girl for about 3 or 4 months,she had a dog which i loved. I am full on dog person. Well one night she picks up this stray kitten from the street and takes it home. Keep in mind she lived with her parents and I had my own place. She tells me about the cat and i am full supportive. I tell her its a great thing to do to help the kitten get better and release it later. She says yeah that's what she is going to do.
A few weeks go by and she tells me she is going to keep the cat, i respond telling her that i have a problem with cats and if we were to move in i would not be able to deal with that. She says its no problem if and when we decide to live together she would bring the dog and the cat would stay with her family. I say fine that's no problem then.
Fast forward a few more months our relationship is getting serious and i ask her to move in with me. She says she would love that. I think to myself great you can move in sometime next week as i would need to get the place ready for someone else to live with me.
Day before she is supposed to move in i get a text telling me she wants to bring the cat. I say i thought we agreed this wouldn't be an issue. I ask is it a problem with her parents not wanting to take her. She says no she just wants to bring it.
I am a bit surprised by this and say I need a day to think about it. I realize we agreed before about this and say no. She then gets mad and hits me with an ultimatum saying she will break up with me if i don't allow her to bring the cat.
Long story short we broke up because of this, well she broke up with me. Now i still get called an asshole by some of her friends i meet occasionally. And i really think i wasn't because we agreed about it and plus she didn't have the cat before we started dating.
So am i wrong here or... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ABG84Vw6h1ZznAS0EQr4ARfMd6z1eam9 | b4big5 | {
"description": "not wanting to lend money to my mother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to lend money to my mother | I'm a 23 year old university student and I've been working a relatively well paid part time programming job for the past two years. I try to be financially responsible, so as a result I've managed to save up about 8000 €, which is a decent amount of money where I'm located (eastern Europe).
I'm an only child and I have pretty good relations with my parents, I visit them often during the weekends (the city where I study is several hours of travel away). My parents have been doing so-so for the past few years - they don't have any debts, but they don't ever manage to save up much money either, mostly because they choose to live a fairly comfortable lifestyle. Recently my mom got a raise so things are looking somewhat better for them. They live in a smaller village and my mom uses her car to commute to a nearby town (the distance is about 15 km), as well as for shopping and the occasional trip to a more distant place(a few times a year at most). Since her old car is on the verge of failing, she wants to buy a new one, which I agree with. However, I think she wants to buy an unnecessarily expensive car for the small amount of driving that she actually does, and she wants me to loan her the money instead of getting a legitimate loan.
I don't think that she wouldn't actually pay the money back to me, but knowing that my parents don't manage to save much, I feel like I might be giving away a large amount of the money I've saved (pretty much all of it, actually) and realistically I'd probably not get it back anytime soon. I'd be willing to give her a smaller amount of money if she settled for a less expensive car, but she doesn't seem much in favour of that idea. My dad seems somewhat in agreement with me on the issue, but he doesn't want to say it to my mom.
I've recently been thinking about renting a flat in the city where I study and work. I still live at the university dormitory, where the rent is fairly cheap - about 120 € a month, which my parents still pay for. I told them that they don't have to do it anymore since I make enough money to pay for that easily, but they are pretty stubborn about it. This is also part of the reason why I feel guilty about not wanting to give the money to my mom. Renting an actual flat in the city would be an insane increase to my monthly costs - the rent for a small place would be close to about 500€ a month, so I would rather have enough money at my disposal in case something unexpected happens.
So, am I being a greedy asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vzWmKrgVbTJ9kVpdI3BDeDbVst10Wkmk | 9tvoha | {
"description": "feeling peeved about the whole Diablo fiasco",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for feeling peeved about the whole Diablo fiasco | It is deeply irritating to me the people are getting so upset over something so small. They’re so much trouble in the world, why are we getting upset at a video game company trying to make money? I personally don’t see any reason why a video game should make anyone this mad. Blizzard is not beholden to anybody except their stockholders and there’s probably plenty of people who would be very happy with a microtranscationy mobile game, so why is this such a big, tear-out-your-hair, death-threats-to developers issue? Are PC gamers really that thin-skinned and elitist? Somebody explain to me why this deserves so much attention. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
tos8WMetpzt6tFzHjbwhHXlh9uGRPJvI | a5baqe | {
"description": "being frustrated by my Girlfriends relationship with her ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AiTA for being frustrated by my Girlfriends relationship with her ex? | My girlfriend was recently divorced when we started dating. She has assured me that while they do have kids together and she does still love him on that level, she is totally over him. It has become clear that this is not the case, and I wouldn’t expect her to be so soon. I know that she loves and wants to be with me, but I’m beginning to think a break in our relationship could be helpful. She talks to him on the phone almost everyday, and only when I’m not around, usually while I’m at work. If I ask about him at all, I’m usually shutdown with “it’s none of my business”, so I’ve learned to not bring him up at all anymore, which is difficult considering I am now taking on a parental role with the kids since he is never around (out of state). She does little things that are completely obvious like put her phone down the second I walk in the room, then start texting like mad when I leave the room, etc... and putting his number on silent so it doesn’t make a noise when he texts. I don’t think she is cheating or anything like that, but clearly there is a pretty big emotional aspect to their relationship still, and It makes me uncomfortable. I’m trying to give her all the space she needs to grieve and deal with the divorce, but I can’t help but feel like the only way I can do that is to put our relationship on hold. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vMqmUvYYGnobZIC9DDI96Jj6qSgzZnBC | b2hr8o | {
"description": "keeping my roommate up watching a movie",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for keeping my roommate up watching a movie | okay so under just normal circumstances YTA would be a straight forward no-brainer, but hear me out.
(we live in a dorm, at uni, in close enough proximity to each other to be able to see each other)
​
so I don't usually sleep a lot (I go to bed late and get up early), but I was extra tired so I went to bed at about 9:00 P.M. It didn't take me long to fall asleep even though my roommate was playing on his console. Anyways, he constantly keeps waking me up: turning lights on and off, yelling at people in chat, and slamming shit when he gets pissed he dies. I'm sleeping intermittently, and he finally decides it time to go to sleep somewhere around 12-12:30 A.M. he's super loud and wakes me up as he's getting ready for bed/doing random shit (if I purposefully kept him up bc of this tho...major YTA. because usually I'm not in the room at this time and normally awake if i am).
​
So now I'm awake
​
I mostly just lay in my bed trying to go back to sleep as he passes out, and can't. so i get bored around 1:30 and start fucking around on reddit, and eventually see a post that reminds me of the dc aquaman movie that i still hadn't seen at about 3 A.M. So i decide to watch aquaman, and look over at my desk to get my earbuds.
​
but my earbuds aren't there.........
​
I must have left them in my car. My roommate is dead asleep by this point, and he usually doesn't wake up super easy. so i figure playing it out loud is fine as long as it's quiet enough that it doesn't wake him up. I don't see him move at all, and didn't figure he woke up. So 5 A.M. rolls around and his alarm goes off. He gets up, gets ready for PT, and makes a rude comment about me watching a movie since 3.
​
The comment didn't really bother me because iv'e told him plenty of times to tell me if I'm doing anything that's getting on his nerves/keeping him from doing shit he needs to do. mostly I'm just confused as to why he didn't tell me to shut the hell up when I woke him up instead of waiting 3 hours. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
5R0ocuhtXh0OhD5hzFq0wcldfHHVYUmI | b9zpyh | {
"description": "not attending my friend's brother's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not attending my friend’s brother’s wedding? | So I’ve never been super close with her family, been over to her house a few times, spoken to the brother (at least 10 yrs older) in question... maybe once.
When she first brought up the wedding, right off the bat I asked her, “this is your brother, who I really don’t know that well,’s wedding. Should you really be inviting your friends?”
Now I also told her right from the beginning, “hey I’m graduating around the same time as the wedding and due to me and my SO’s relationship (he’s American) I won’t know where I’ll be at that point. So I can’t make any promises to attending but I’ll keep you posted if things change.”
And for months she kept talking about the wedding and planning things as if I had immediately said YES... but I kept reminding her that it was not something to get excited about in case it doesn’t happen. I even offered to go shopping with her and plan wedding things even if I wasn’t attending because I knew this was a big deal for her.
But of course the time has come where she brings me the invitation and I’ve graduated and the final asking of my attendance comes up.
To which I decline.... and I told her once again, I just finished school, I’m in the middle of moving out of my parents house and I’m literally leaving for the states the day after the wedding. I don’t have the time or finances to attend a wedding for someone I’ve pretty much never spoken to... obviously in nicer terms but that’s pretty much it. All I got in response was “it’s okay I understand.”
Since I told her I definitely couldn’t make it, she’s barely spoken two words to me. I reminded her that I’d still go shopping with her if she wanted but I never got a response to that either... then a couple days ago I snapped a group of my friends, nothing special, but she responded saying, “oh you’re still in town. So you’re coming to the wedding right?” to which I replied, “No S, I’m not coming to the wedding.” Which also got no response.
The wedding is tomorrow And I’m at the point where I’m just like, are you serious? This is your brothers wedding. I don’t think you should be inviting your friends anyways. Plus it’s a family thing where you’ll be busy with everyone and I don’t know anyone. With my trip the very next day it’ll be exhausting on top of that, and like I said I still don’t have the finances to go shopping for an outfit or present or pay for my seat you know?
If this was her wedding I’d completely understand why she’d be pissed, but then again I would never in a million years miss her wedding.
So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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"NOBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MiCiA7lX5fkL8Pmete5PMuQGEgpP8s8D | b372fb | {
"description": "complaining about bad grammar in a newsletter",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for complaining about bad grammar in a newsletter? | My kid's daycare center has been fantastic. The only cringe is the little weekly newsletter my daughter's teacher puts out each week. It's a mess, with terrible sentence structure and punctuation. I'm not perfect at writing... but WIBTA for mentioning it to the director? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
zOT3mJAP4oQQWKvO4SiWiuDZRCYCs6Xh | 9vd58x | {
"description": "considering my alcoholic husband's (sober) lies a separate \"choice\" from the disease itself",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for considering my alcoholic husband's (sober) lies a separate "choice" from the disease itself? | My husband became an alcoholic about 20 years into our 30 year relationship. He is struggling with recovery. I love him and believe that people can grow if motivated, so I've stayed with him, despite the verbal and emotional abuse that came with the disease. I am used to him lying about drinking when he's drunk--which at this point is only occasionally during a relapse. However, he can also look me coolly in the eye *when sober* too and say he didn't drink the night before, or that he went to the gym instead of actually going out to buy a bottle for later (even though he knows I know it's a lie, whenever it is, and almost always catch him--he has obvious "tells.") He will even text me a love note the next morning lying about how proud he was of staying sober the day before...
The issue is: he gets angry and indignant when I insist on "absolute truth, no matter what." I assure him humans can mess up, and we can work with that and if he's open about it I will help him get the treatment he needs -- but that lies are a deal breaker in any relationship. He insists its an alcoholic thing to lie, I should expect it to a degree, and he doesn't think it's fair to separate the disease from the choice to lie. He thinks IATA for saying sober lies are in fact a "choice." ....AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
TndITw18O6NLi5rHpj5686RH2v4shPPQ | ay8xei | null | AITA post number two | This story is about my last dog not my current one.
Back in 2015 I noticed a couple of small lumps at the top of my dogs neck under his chin and I asked my mother and father to take him to the vets and they ignored me. Then in early to mid 2017 I asked them to take him to the vets and they said that the vets might have to put him down and I responded with "if they have to they have to he has had a good life but they might not need to". They completely ignored me then in December 2017 I asked my mother to take him to the vets and she replied with "we're keeping him around for you". So what I want to know is was I an A-hole in this instance? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
wqjFmzmvQ911MQf0TE7jTIk3bPbMqdlG | b5h20q | {
"description": "deciding to cut off a mentally ill uncle for making me feel uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I decide to cut off a mentally ill uncle for making me feel uncomfortable? | I have an uncle who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia but he doesn’t listen to family members when they offer advice and he has no filter on what he says a lot of the times. A few months ago around New Years time he had found out that I got a boyfriend. This is my first relationship and most of my family knows it is although if I had one before I wouldn’t tell them because it’s none of their business. He calls to say Happy New Years and then mentions my boyfriend and talks about him and where he’s from. And then in the middle of it he asks “oh so you’re not a virgin anymore” I’m extremely taken aback by this because first off its not any of his business what I do and he doesn’t even know for sure that I hadn’t lost it already. Also why would he be thinking of his 20 year old niece in such manner. I reacted and told him it wasn’t any of his fucking business and he handed the phone over to my aunt who I heard scold him. After that encounter I have never felt so uncomfortable I started crying. Since then I have never wanted any more contact with him and I’ve also had a serious talk with my mother who was the only person I told about my boyfriend to never speak of anything I personally tell her to my family members again because they don’t need to know. For info he has never touched me or been creepy at all with me before hand but he has thrown comments as to say that I’ve gotten “fat” in the past when I know I wasn’t. Anyway WIBTA if I decided to not respond to his calls anymore? If and when I go home (about once a year) I’ll put on a facade whenever I see him but other than politeness I will not talk about my relationship to him nor do I want my boyfriend to meet him frankly even if it means I don’t see him at all. I just don’t care and don’t want someone like that in my life even if its family.
Thank you in advance and sorry it’s a little all over the place. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
qbOuTltl27dLXA2iRccOLvx06gVPOOMq | 9z8gbq | {
"description": "not wanting to hang out with this autistic dude on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to hang out with this autistic dude on my birthday. | Little backstory this guy and me went to school together but he was a year-ish younger than me but he for whatever reason latched onto me after either I or he graduated high school and ever since then I’ve been more or less stuck with him always wanting to hang out and whenever his or my birthday is coming up I wanna bury my head in the sand and wait it out.
He thinks that just because we both have disabilities we should stick together. I on the other hand want nothing to do with him and for the past few years I have done well enough to avoid him but today he kept on calling me wanting to come over so I finally gave in and answered the phone because I knew he wouldn’t stop calling me if I didn’t answer.
He’s not necessarily a bad guy he’s just annoying and really doesn’t know when to let me be. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FOCTeYwJpnc0egvQ7cVSSp2KGZgDIW77 | ata1co | {
"description": "not doing business trips with my private car any longer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not doing business trips with my private car any longer? |
tl;dr: Boss expects me to do business trips with my new car and won't cover full costs. Providing a car is not part of my contract.
I've been working in a small architecture firm for a few years. When I started there, there was no company car, but the business trips to customers, meetings and construction sites were done either with my own private car or with the boss's car.
If you use your own car, you can charge the office a fixed rate (0.30€/km) for the kilometres driven. In the beginning I still had a used car, so that this rate was also cost-covering for me, in fact even slightly more than the actual costs (\~0.25€/km). In order to avoid confusion, every employee has this same fixed rate in his contract.
The contract does not say, however, that I have to provide a vehicle, but only that if I do so that then I get the above mentioned 30 cents/km.
Lately the company has grown and more trips had to be done by employees with their own car and were of course also billed to the office. That annoyed the boss so much that he finally bought a company car. From then on, everyone was forbidden to drive their own car, unless the company car was actually already in use. In the past, most construction sites were in the immediate vicinity, so that I was often too lazy to even write a new account for 3 km of distances again and again.
For some time, however, some larger projects have been added, which are between 50 - 100 km away. One of these projects now starts with the construction, so that the responsible site manager occupies the car almost daily.
An additional company car would have to be purchased. Instead, the boss hopes that I will conrinue to use my own car again. I have now a much more expensive car, with which each driven kilometer costs me approx. 0.70€/km (loss of value, maintenance, repair, insurance, tax, gasoline ...). Today I made it clear to the boss that I will not make my own vehicle available for company trips any longer under these conditions. He was visibly offended and thought that such additional costs would be covered by my normal salary, and he got really mad. (The salary is good, but not exceptional. Also, the construction industry is booming and we have a shortage of skilled workers and full employment - I could start with a dozen other offices within a week if I wanted to). I think he's a good businessman and part of his overreaction was certainly an act, but otherwise he's a fair man, so I wonder if I was a little too harsh on him?
Example:
2 weekly trips to construction sites on average 150km round trip = 150 x 2 x 4 weeks x (0.70€-0.30€) = 480€ loss for me.
Furthermore, in the event of an accident, I will not be reimbursed the personal contribution of my insurance and also the costs due to an increase of the insurance premium.
Am I ungrateful and AITA for not doing business trips with my private car any longer? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wY5CeVllHdTM31zzzAo7ZBiRyNjDdpRg | au0pjb | {
"description": "making out with someone while I was at a party",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making out with someone while I was at a party? | Background: I'm F(19), my friend is F(18) and we went to a club party with some of our guy friends.
(Also I'm still pretty drunk so sorry if this is messy)
When we started having fun I saw this guy I had a thing with a while ago and we chatted a bit, but then I continued dancing with my friends.
2 hours later I got to a point where I was quite attracted to him and vice versa, so we had a drink and danced together ( keep in mind I didn't abandon her, I told him if he wants he can dance with us) but we were getting pretty close so we took a few steps away while she was still dancing with our guy friend, and me and the guy I was dancing with started kissing.
One minute later she grabs me away and asks me wtf is wrong with me, that I'm a bad friend and I can't kiss guys at parties while I'm at them with her too and she thinks I'm going there only to makeout with them and not be with her. Which I understand but she got REALLY mad at me for doing this.
But the thing is that I have major depression and I have no social life what so ever apart from when she invites me and I'm struggling with pretty much anything in life. so my excuse to her was that I can't acknowledge bad from good decisions and all around she got me in a really bad mood with myself,
but on retrospect I'm not sure if I should feel this way.
So reddit, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8QaEFGlbpT0KPeUETDyLq4VmtycFDoY8 | atmdx0 | {
"description": "not continuing to get my hair cut from my sister in law",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not continuing to get my hair cut from my sister in law? | I wanna preference this off and say that I adore my SIL. She's way too good for my brother, and I care about her and their child greatly.
Here's my problem, she's a hairdresser and owns a salon with a friend of hers. She's been cutting my hair for the last 6 years, and usually tries to not get me to pay (I always do). But a few weeks ago was out of town, so I had the other girl from her salon do it (she's a hottie, but that's not relevant)
She tried something new and a little more mature, and I really liked it. So I decided to schedule an appointment with her this week. It instantly caused tons of drama, with everyone telling me it was really rude to do to my stepsister.
Anyway, I go into today and the whole thing is just completely awkward, new girl doesn't try nearly as hard and does a worse job, and my SIL just gave me dirty looks the entire time.
I feel like I have to go to my SIL even though I'd probably rather go elsewhere. Especially since neither know how to manage a beard well.
I felt like I was still supporting her business, but at this point I feel like I'm just about to go find a barber and say fuck the drama
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OtFr1DG2cmFJbnxkkhdd4gBMO1eBRKjQ | b18enr | {
"description": "telling a teenage boy he smells",
"pronormative_score": 138,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for telling a teenage boy he smells? | I'm a middle school teacher, and one of my 6th grade male students smells bad. Really bad. Worse than "Who's kid shit their diaper?" but not as bad as "Oh dammit, I left that smoothie bottle in the car over the weekend!"
I called his mom in an attempt to be discreet and her response was essentially "yeah I know what would you like me to do?" Mom says they have running water and he can bathe, but he doesn't.
I pulled him aside after class and told him that because of his body odor, it was difficult to find him a seat in class because no one wanted to sit with him. I told him he needed to wash his hair, face, body AND clothes with soap and water every day, and it was a good practice to wear clean clothing every day.
I feel awful. He didn't react at all, just nodded and left.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 96,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 42,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 138,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
06IXQDHrjI7gYjfGtno2jfsiv9vNbYxU | ae10fe | {
"description": "making my mom cry over a $50 gift card",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for making my mom cry over a $50 gift card? | AITA? So recently I’ve been experiencing a lot of financial set backs due to a car accident that happened recently. I haven’t had any extra money, meaning my whole paychecks gone towards my car, my bills, and Important stuff.
For Christmas my employer gave me a $50 gift card to Ulta. Great! I loved it! I put it next to my tv and decided I wasn’t going to use it until I could get to a store as I didn’t want to pay for shipping. I “lost it” a few days ago meaning it disappeared from my room. Now my sister has a streak of stealing my stuff so I went and I asked her. She denied it and told me that my mom has picked it up and thrown it in the trash when she was cleaning the house the other day.
Now I went to ask my mom and she immediately denied it. She started getting angry and flustered and denied everything immediately. Now I’m not a mean person, but I know that things are “never” her fault. Everything that goes wrong is somehow “never” her fault. All I said was “oh my god mom, why are you like this? It was in my room. I didn’t even touch it from the first time I grabbed it.” My dad started yelling at me to shut up. My mom started threatening to hit me and then she got so worked up she started crying. She’s still currently crying right now. I didn’t even say anything besides that. She’s so emotionally and physically abusive sometimes. Anything that gets her attention from my dad will set her off and it’s only when my dad is home. Anything I do or say sets her off. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
RA7YrrSPCXvHCqUivoaWO97MG5ZjuJMu | a6c2fs | {
"description": "not buying Christmas gifts",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not buying Christmas gifts? | I've never been one to really give gifts out during Christmas, especially not to indirect family/friends. If there's something I know somebody could use or whatever I'll go ahead and get it for them, but otherwise I always feel like I'd rather keep my money to myself. At the same time, I never really know what somebody REALLY could use. On the same note, I'm also not one to ask for gifts from others.
However, I've been feeling kind of guilty as of late. If the gift-giving (or lack thereof) is mutual then there's no problem, but I feel extremely bad accepting gifts from somebody who I didn't get anything for, but I'm not about to be rude and deny their gift. At the same time, putting out to everybody not to get gifts for me I feel would also come off as rude.
A bit of background of why I'm so torn. I've always felt like giving gifts to people beyond childhood is a bit pointless, unless it's a more thoughtful/personal gift. Say everybody in a group spends the same amount of money on gifts, and receives an equal value of gifts in return. They're technically not out anything, but each person could instead have spent that money on themselves and gotten something in particular that they want.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
wnkXiFINcpBaXJiUeo3YUA81710qlxb6 | acflww | {
"description": "yelling at my mother for hissing and distracting me as I was driving",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for yelling at my mother for hissing and distracting me as I was driving? | Before we begin, I should mention that I’m in the process of getting my license, and have just gotten my permit, so I have to drive with an adult in the passenger. I have less than 10 hours of driving experience and probably 4 hours of on the road driving. Also sorry for weird formatting I’m on mobile.
It’s dark outside, and I’m turning to park, my dad says the turn is perfect, but my mom hissed super loud and I panicked and almost hit a car on the right side. I get mad and yell at her for scaring me as she has done countless times, from...
-the first time I entered a freeway accelerating too fast
-yelling at me for cutting off a pedestrian... that was 10 feet behind my car
-me making a perfectly safe lane change on the freeway like I was taught
-literally every time I park
-also every time I reverse out of a parking spot even when there’s no one
-when there’s anyone within 20 feet of the car
-when I make lane changes that I’m confident in and she says stop and makes me second guess myself
I’m generally very confident when it comes to driving but I have to be focused, and she does nothing to help me focus. In fact my driving gets drastically worse when she’s riding along because I’m just so anxious I’ll do something right but fuck it up because of her “advice”.
I finally snapped and yelled at her “Can you stop?! I need to focus and I wasn’t even close to hitting the car until you hissed!”
She got extremely mad at me for yelling at her, saying I disrespected her. I argued that I wasn’t even feeling pressure until she scared me into feeling it so my anger was justified. I’ve now apologized to her but I really don’t think I was in the wrong here. Interested to hear your responses.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
y26cb6GyofKPiMqu6htzyslI7spLdXMq | awav2m | {
"description": "constantly antagonizing one of my classmates",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for constantly antagonizing one of my classmates? | First of all, I really hate him, he constantly calls his friends dumbasses for minor mistakes. He does not shut the hell up. I constantly him annoying and an a stubborn ass. For the treatment of his friends, he constantly buts in and guilt trips them and calls them worthless. And I talk shit about him in front of him and behind his back. I tell him to get out of my lunch table, which my friends in my table also hate him. He knows that he’s annoying and constantly antagonizes me. My friends agree that he’s an annoying and arrogant person. But when I antagonize him, he gets pissy and looks like he will cry. I almost feel bad, but I don’t. And we have a history of hating each other. It’s just drama probably. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
n58lEKqdjN5O8s95SElLDoQlxRwLVael | b2gipj | {
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend over text",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend over text? | So me (24F) and my ex(30m) were dating for about 8 months.
At the beginning things were pretty good. We spend a lot of time together because he was on break from classes and I was on break from teaching. I eventually had to leave the country for a month for visa stuff (we are both living abroad) and he also had to leave for a month as well. However, during these months we kept in pretty constant contact with texting and video-calling.
​
The problem came though when he took on a job in his home country which caused him to travel from country to country pretty frequently. When he took on this job, I asked him if he'd like to break up because there was a lot on his plate (Master's program and an out-of country job) and I didn't want him to feel like this relationship is an extra obligation, but he promised that he'd find a way to manage.
Skip a few months later and it seems there's really no way for him to prioritize our relationship. We were really only able to see each other in the evenings and there were multiple occasions where we would make plans and he would either be hours late or have to cancel last minute. I spoke with him about how this was a big problem for me because I felt like there was really no room for me in his life and I wasn't a priority, but he agreed to try harder to include me.
​
Once the summer came, he left the country again, this time for two months. This would have been fine expect it was during our summer break which is when I have ample time and was hoping to spend some of it with him (I'm a teacher so I'm actually quite busy as well). The first month went ok, but by the second month it felt like I was always initiating texts between us, and waiting hours for responses. I eventually became fed up and yelled at him about not feeling like I'm an important part of his life. This argument was really never solved.
​
Summer Break is over, and he comes back to the country. I'm hoping to see him and talk things out, but he tells me that he needs space because he's stressed and is still upset with me and himself for the relationship problems and for yellingn at him. I say ok and we don't contact each other for a week.
​
I reach out afterward to ask how he is and long he needs space. No response for two days. So I sent a message breaking up and saying I can't deal with the uncertainty of this relationship anymore. He responds and says it wasn't because he didn't want the relationship anymore, but because he needs to focus on himself and get through this rough patch in his life.
​
AITA for the way I handled it? I feel like I should have stuck through the space and not broke up through text.
​
I still care about him deeply.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1oUmR4xHiNzw34rZuTNwwVGtGh7SJjYY | avkjfr | {
"description": "wanting to work to pay for my schooling instead of accepting indigenous funding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to work to pay for my schooling instead of accepting Indigenous funding? | Relevant information: I'm a 20 year old college freshman finishing up my first year. I'm half Canadian First Nations and half white. I'm located in Vancouver, BC, Canada. I live with my family and pay my mother a reasonable amount of rent to live there.
Ever since starting school last fall, I've been uncomfortable with accepting tuition payments from my band/the government. I was raised white, identify as white, and am as far removed from my native heritage as a half indigenous man can be.
I brought up to my mom that I want to use my savings and work through the summer to afford my tuition, which is very affordable and always will be since I am attending college and not University, instead of accepting band funding.
Her perspective is that I am shaming my ancestors, including my grandparents, who suffered at the hands of the government, by not accepting the money offered to me.
My perspective is that I am taking advantage of my ancestors and their struggles by taking their money despite my white privilege, and the limited money my band gets should go to somebody less fortunate than I am who needs it more. Especially since I can 100% afford my tuition no problem without the help of the government.
So, AITA for giving up this opportunity of free schooling? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
E89wnWqr6GTu9VTHvXXYgHd333Zy5mDR | b6hv3w | {
"description": "recommending a new employee iron her clothes",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for recommending a new employee iron her clothes? | I work in a real estate office, and we recently hired new employees. Among them is a young woman, just out of college. This is her first office gig. She's smart, friendly, happy, eager to learn. While she is not the receptionist, she's customer-facing.
The issue is her appearance. It's... sloppy. She comes in with dark eye circles, old makeup, very messy buns, chipped nail polish, mismatched socks, and very rumpled, wrinkled clothes. Now. We all have those days from time, especially the sleepless nights. I'm not saying she has to press every item she owns to crisp corners. But going over a button down with an iron so the pocket flap doesn't stick up, the body isn't basically crinkled paper, etc. Basic things.
A week ago, she checked in with me on a project. FYI, we do not have an official HR department, we have a business manager who reluctantly does major HR tasks because someone has to. New hire talked for a while, told me she really enjoyed this job, and asked how I thought she was doing. She made it clear she wanted to succeed. I took this as the opportunity.
I said she was doing a great job, but the way she shows up to the office with a very unkempt appearance could use work. I recommended she wake up a little earlier (knowing she has a car and a 20 minute commute) and spend some time trying to look more put together. I pointed out her chipped polish (and I mean half on-half off), the old makeup, and her wrinkled clothes.
Her entire demeanor changed. I tried to let her know that I understand we *all* have Those Days, but that in our industry, and in many others, how you look matters. She came back with "Well I guess I should go out and buy an iron then," kind of scoffing, and, "I didn't realize it was the 1950s. I don't even know anyone who owns an iron."
I knew that I'd upset her, so I put up my hands and said, "It was just a suggestion."
She left after thanking me for the advice. BM pulled me aside the next day to share that the new hire had gone to complain to her about feeling singled out by me, and suggested even that I had a personal problem with her. BM wasn't concerned, but when the older long-time employees caught wind, several of them told me I was in the wrong, the girl is new to the workforce, that maybe she never learned these things from her parents, they don't teach this stuff in school, etc. Other disagreed, BM included.
AITA? Should I have just let it go? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
IEEG82XtRmZq2KqD1h8HV7JklVdaAaZs | a3y81n | {
"description": "saying I can't wait forever",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for saying I can't wait forever | I've been seeing this girl for 8 months now. Sadly she suffers terribly from depression and anxiety. Because of these issues we've been unable to make any progress in terms of relationship. She hardly ever wants to get close, the furthest I've ever got is having my arm around her sitting on a bench. This is hard for me, I'm a very affectionate person, I desperately want to be closer but due to this barrier she's put up I'm stuck here.
Now I've always said I'd wait for her, and that I'd put her mental health first. But now it's getting to the point where I need to consider my own mental health, the longer I wait the more lonely I feel. As pathetic as this is gonna sound, and I've done my best to prepare myself for the roasting, at this point after 8 MONTHS, I need a girlfriend.
The best way I can describe it is with a scene from Deadpool 2, Wade Wilson briefly dies and is taken to where his deceased lover is. There's a barrier between them, he screams something along the lines of "Vanessa there's something here, I can't get to you!" I feel like Wade in that scene, it's like I can see a girlfriend there, I can see what's on the other side of the anxiety and depression barrier but no matter how hard I try I just can't break through it, go round it, unlock it, anything.
Last month, I even used the "L" word, I told her how I felt about her and the answer was the same as it's always been. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, she's showing no signs whatsoever of opening up. I can't wait for what could potentially be years!
Am I the arsehole for saying, " I can't wait forever" | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zlAMcLtERrFDl6a7nYgOgm8xOUZlvIbJ | atchcf | {
"description": "asking my mom to tone down the incessant chatter",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my mom to tone down the incessant chatter | My mom is in town visiting me and my wife and our daughter. It always causes anxiety, especially for my wife but not necessarily for the stereotypical mother-in-law stuff. My mom cannot let silence go unfilled, and doesn’t get hints very well that we’re just not constant-chatter-type people. It’s incessant updates about family or friends, reading news headlines out loud to no one in particular, gossip, asking questions we’ve already answered (i.e. she does a lot more talking than listening), and narration of whatever she’s doing or is about to do. And it’s not like she doesn’t have anyone else to talk to. She has a lot of friends and other family, etc. Occasional silence is not awkward in our family; it’s comfortable. But it’s seemingly impossible for her. I made an effort to try to talk about this with her, trying my best to be respectful and mindful of her feelings, but it just made me ask myself if I’m the asshole here. She is a big help in many ways, including financially - should I just consider the constant, near-mindless chatter part of the deal? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bPNER0Pd8VV78Tbvv3kLm7PDTWxBZLKF | ac67ur | {
"description": "telling my mom that she is morbidly obese and endangering her health",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for telling my mom that she is morbidly obese and endangering her health? | Background: My mom is in fact morbidly obese (BMI +40), she's in her mid sixties and had pneumonia a few weeks ago, which she found very hard to recover from. She has also been dealing with difficulties with her breathing for years and I have been having the suspicion that she has sleep apnea. She has multiple health issues because of her weight and she is pretty much one bad knee or back injury away from being bed bound.
Me and my parents had a nasty fight about some other topic. My dad leaves the room and I continue arguing with her. She tries to guilt me into stopping the argument telling me that she almost died because of her pneumonia (she wasn't hospitalised or anything), I tell her that she hasn't been taking care of her health. I tell her that her weight is out of control and that she is morbidly obese and that her health will continue to decline, she screams at me that I am insulting her. My father comes in again and starts screaming at me to leave her alone and threatens to beat me up and then throws things at me (a regular occurrence since my childhood).
I just went to my room and haven't spoken to her since yesterday.
I'm just pissed at her for letting her health decline like this. I will one day be forced to become her nurse in her old age and her weight is going to make that a lot harder. I don't know how to deal with that. And she just doesn't want to hear it. She thinks she will live to be very old and be in good shape, when I doubt that she will turn 70 without being bed bound. I am afraid for her. I want her to live a healthier life. I don't want her to die early or be in bad health.
I know what it feels like because a few years ago I was even heavier than her. I have since lost the weight and have kept it off by counting calories. I know a lot about the subject and I know what she needs to do to at least lose some of the weight. I have tried offering her help, but she always just listens and agrees and then the next day she is having cakes multiple times a day with my father again.
I'm sorry if this all sounds cold, I'm just tired of the whole situation. I love my mom very much, but I'm scared for her and I have been losing my patience. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
XRA5fZedZ72VolwhMUeFwBk7fFwvhtLw | adiu91 | {
"description": "believing that dogs are disgusting diseases",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for believing that dogs are disgusting diseases? | Like, all they do is bark and beg for food. It's disgusting. Dogs are fucking disgusting. Just look at them. Half the time they look braindead and the other half they convince you they're braindead. I literally can't stand their presence. I can't fucking eat because this disease is looking at me. The worst part is that dogs are worshiped for being disgusting fur cancer. And yes, I have a dog at my house and it is not by my choice. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
Kacv6QB1Hea6OLOVq8Xqck39YhfbdOwl | abjzgu | {
"description": "stealing a deaf outdoor tabby cat so it wouldn't get killed",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA I stole a deaf outdoor tabby cat so it wouldn't get killed. (Arizona) | I live in Arizona, and I saw a small cat/kitten come right up to me. I had never seen it before, but she was VERY friendly, so I picked him up and took him inside and gave her a little bit of turkey.
I was planning on finding out if she belonged to anyone, but then this conversation happened. Neighbor said hi to me and asked if I saw tabby cat. She's about six months old and she can't hear.
"Wow, so she's deaf?"
"Yes. Can't hear a bit. We found her in a dumpster. We've had her for a few weeks now."
"So she escaped the house?"
"Oh no, we let her stay outside. She comes back home when she's hungry. We're afraid maybe a dog got her or something."
"I'm so sorry to hear about that. I'll look out for her."
Now at this point, I was torn. On the one hand, they rescued this kitten. On the other hand, there is NO WAY a deaf cat can be left outdoors. It has very limited natural defense to other predators, dogs, snakes, cars, and other cats. She would almost certainly die a very premature death.
So we moved from Arizona to California shortly after that, but I kept the cat and never told them about it since, obviously, I don't want to be arrested for stealing and I want to continue to car for the cat.
She's strictly an indoor cat, and gets along fine with my other two indoor cats. She's grooming herself at my feet right now.
I know IATAH for stealing the cat and making them feel like the cat got killed or something. That's a horrible feeling. But the way I think about it, there was a very good chance that this cat was going to get killed anyway, and they were going to feel horrible anyway. And I saved a cat. So overall, the net good-bad is positive, so NTAH. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
GGham0hIaIUwyHUGCqTFZJNWvDnfmJwH | 9ygqx5 | null | AITA | Posting on be half of friend as he doesn't use Reddit.
They have hired a beach house for 9 people at a $300 a for the 5 nights each with food and drink being on top of that and being split evenly afterwards.
Now of the 9 eight are guys and one of them is a girlfriend of one of them. Now one of the other guys girlfriend is coming alone for 2 nights and is sharing a bed with him and is going to put $50 for those nights plus 2 days worth of food and drink. No one has a problem with that.
Now my friends girlfriend is also going to be joining them for two nights but has slot of dietary requirements and has an allergic reaction to alcohol. So she has said that she won't chip in for food and drink and just buy her own because she can't eat 80% of what they are buying.
The guy who's girlfriend is staying the whole time and his girlfriend have both asked that she pay more to stay with them because she is only paying $50. They are ok with the other girl who is paying $50 because she is also chipping in for food. They are the only 2 out of the 9 (11 if you count the 2 plus ones) that are asking her to pay more.
My friend has refused saying she shouldn't have to. And now there is in fighting and finger pointing between those two and the rest of the group.
Is my friend the asshole for refusing to pay more for his girlfriend to come, she is paying the same per night as they other girlfriend who is only coming for two days. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
EYyPc2M6Li5aP9LAFxpmKA7jOOmMnPkK | b0kah4 | {
"description": "not alerting a store about a shoplift",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not Alerting A Store About A Shoplift | Okay so this is more of a minor incident and more of a "am I an asshole" situation.So me and my friend just finished school and decided to go to the local store to buy drinks.However,while we were entering,a seemingly mentally ill man nabs a drink of the shelf and runs away,only leaving me and my friend the witnesses.This was our first time seeing a shoplift which made us very surprised.We then decided to leave him be and ever since then,this incident has been bugging my mind about whether i should have reported the incident to the cashier.There was also a security cam watching our area btw. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JjdJqFTfEaxGPZa3SamSEcQRtBjCH5fs | a449zy | {
"description": "asking someone to take down a joke about me off their Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking someone to take down a joke about me off their Instagram | So this happened about an hour ago and it's been eating away at me. For context I'm a female(17) with a history of anxiety and depression that has been diagnosed by a diagnostic child therapist back when I was 14. I've always had issues with any relationships which is why I'm uncertain if I am the asshole.
There's a girl in one of my friendship groups who I'm not 100% sure she likes me, she's always very rude; constantly states (with zero irony) stuff like "you can't be racist to a white person". Anyway she made a joke about my appearance on her Instagram story, usually I can handle this and the situation would have been better if I actually knew her as more than just a girl who happens to be friends with my friends. I asked her kindly if she would take it down, "hey normally I would laugh this off, but please can you take this off your story I'm just having a rough night" she read the message and proceeded to ignore me. With my anxiety I then began to think the worst possible outcome and that I had somehow pissed her off and that she had done it out of spite.
So I messaged 3 people I knew who were her friends (2 of which are in a GC, I only ended messaging the other one when they hadn't mes saged me back either, which again didn't help) the people from the GC sent the aforementioned girl screenshots of the GC. The other girl was fairly supportive. Once they all messaged her, she sent me a very Curt no and proceeded to say she wouldn't take it down because it was 'bants' and I shouldn't take it seriously because I do look like the image, I shouldn't let it affect my mood, to fuck off because if I wasn't pissing her off before I was definitely pissing her off now, that I'm a shady hoe because I was going to 'banter' back with her and say she looks one of the aliens from Dr who. But decided against it after I found out the people I were talking to were also telling her everything. Not once did I say anything bad about her back apart from that but that was after I was told that it was just banter and I should say something back from one of the girls in the gc.
I've told them all and her specifically that I struggle with body image and with my emotions due to anxiety and depression also that it was bad timing (due to recent low mood due to a discussion I have had with Nhs mental health services about my past and current mood this morning, also the anti depressants making me too tired to emotionally cope. I didn't tell her this ofc I don't know her well enough and I'm afraid she would use this against me due to her previous actions). However she just proceeded to reply with get over it, as did the girls from the GC however they added that she does it all the time and I should just strike back. I don't want to strike back because I hardly know this girl outside of college, I don't know how she'll react and from what I've seen of her in college she's not a nice person.
Tl;dr- a girl i don't really know made a joke about me even though her and our mutual friends know I have issues. I was told promptly to get over it, despite respectfully asking her to take it off her ig story | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Y4CcLq9oyWv3912HU8tThsJcHngkQRQE | b7u47q | {
"description": "only wanting to work with talented people",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for only wanting to work with talented people? | So my friend and I are both college debaters. This summer, we're setting up a debate camp for high schoolers to improve their skills. We agreed not to do this for money, but because we genuinely love debating. Today, we had a disagreement about who we should let in.
He thinks we should let everyone who wants to in. I think this a bad idea. We've set our fees at a pretty low rate anyways, so if we let anyone in, we'd get *lots* of kids- since there are no other debate camps in the area.
I suggested the opposite: only allow people with a certain levels of wins/points. This would do two things: 1) keep the numbers low-ish, so we wouldn't have a lot of people and ultimately chaos 2) it would ensure we're actually getting talented debaters.
My partner took offense to this and said he wants the camp to be for everybody. I don't see it that way. Our camp is designed to improve the skills of already good debaters to get to the next level, not teach mediocre debaters. I know with practice a mediocre debater can be a good debater, but I'd rather spend my summer watching a good debater become great rather than a bad or mediocre debater become kinda good.
Am I in the wrong here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
GGOIcIbWVzqZp1Z30afEG8xqqzrsSjTf | ad27ub | {
"description": "having anxiety on a family trip instead of having fun",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For having anxiety on a family trip instead of having fun? | My parents recently decided to go on a family trip to Las Vegas for my aunt's birthday party. I didn't really want to go since big cities aren't really my place (and because I'd be the only non-adult), but I didn't want to seem ungrateful and I knew they wouldn't let me stay home alone anyways. Things were going alright for the first day but during the second, I felt so... unwanted. My uncle pretty much straight up said I shouldn't have come along and they treated me like I was dull because I didn't want to get drunk and party (the only times I ever drink is because I want to fit in, not because I like it).
We went to Fremont, the older part of Vegas, and that's when I could hardly keep myself together. There were way too many people around (some weirdo kept following me and making sexual jestures), everything was so noisy, and I felt so alone. I tried my best to keep it together, but I just couldn't. I started getting really bad anxiety and began crying. My mom saw me and told everybody I was crying, which made it worse, and took me back into one of the buildings where she forced me to talk about what was wrong. I didn't want to tell her because I knew she'd say it was a stupid reason to be crying (because she'd done that before), and I was right. We took a taxi back to the hotel and she kept pestering me about it, saying that I was a spoiled brat and that I should just loosen up and have fun.
At first I was so shocked and angry that she would say that to her own daughter, but now I'm having second thoughts. Maybe I shouldn't have been so dramatic and tried to have fun even though crowds and parties really don't go well for me. I could've even had a few more drinks to lighten up. Was I being selfish or did I do the right thing? I'm not really sure anymore. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Za1Hu1g4ycqPnEUTL7fVrEwp454lRx2r | b0zpgj | {
"description": "not trying harder to lose weight",
"pronormative_score": 67,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not trying harder to lose weight? | Hi,
I (f, 32) have been in a relationship with my husband for 7 years, we've known each other for more than 10 years. My weight has been an ongoing debate in our relationship - I fluctuate between 64-70kg (168cm tall), for you Americans that's 140-154lb (5 ft 6"). That is also the weight I had when I met my husband.
A little background: I used to be A LOT heavier (top weight 220lb), but that was before I even met my husband. I managed to lose those around 70lb for good, but my weight is a constant struggle in my life and it's hard for me too keep it down. I had a short phase when I did lots of sports and was very disciplined about what I ate. During that time, I got down to 125lb, but that unfortunately didn't last long when I took up a very demanding job...
My husband wants me to get down to 125lb again, and doesn't understand why it's so hard and emotional for me. He figures I am at "80% of goal reached" and thinks I am not finished until I am at 100% (he is very disciplined about everything he does). He thinks I'm just lazy and don't take proper care of myself and will eventually get fatter and fatter as I age. I understand his perspective that I could look better for him (I don't pretend that weight doesn't matter at all), and I also admit that I am not trying as hard as I could. However, I also think it's ok to stay as I am now and not meticulously track everything I eat.
Am I the asshole for not trying harder and accepting the status quo?
And since people will ask: my husband himself is very fit, definitely top 5% in his age group. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 56,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 67,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
gameBWQ1t1rMMSCiXpHl0HGc9v5bC8iQ | aq87ir | {
"description": "telling my friend I didn't want to be friends anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my friend I didn’t want to be friends anymore? | TL;DR I play PS4 and met this guy who I was friends with for a long time, then he left for a couple months, now he wants to be friends again but I don’t want to because I realized I like being alone.
So this starts about April of last year. I met this kid on Overwatch and we hung out for a long time. Fast forward to November and he says he doesn’t want to be friends. I understand why and we just both move on. From then to about a week ago I played alone and I actually liked it. Then last Monday he messaged me saying he wanted to be friends again and hat he felt bad for just leaving and I agree and we hang out. It was fine but it didn’t feel right for me. I want to tell him I like being alone but I don’t want to seem like an asshole.
So WIBTA if I stopped being friends with him?
(Also sorry for any spelling mistakes I’m on mobile lmao) | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LQUqzh1TnQz0eroyLWQ1AO8YW5optHMF | ash14e | {
"description": "lying about my sexuality so a guy will stop bugging me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for lying about my sexuality so a guy will stop bugging me? | For context, this guy would text me for upwards of 4 hours straight a day. If I didn’t respond he would result to spamming me. He’s friends with my ex and it’s really awkward to be around him. Also from what I’ve heard from my ex (we are still on good terms and talk pretty often) he gets really attached to people he’s dating. I don’t find my face to be particularly attractive, but I work hard to get my dream body. I’m very active and I do a lot of intense workouts. Because of this, guys tend to notice me.
He got really obsessed with me (texting me morning and night ALL the time.) and started asking questions about what I look for in a guy and I got really uncomfortable. Instead of telling him that I wasn’t interested, I just told him I was asexual. He told ALL of my friends to double check this and my friends were all like “she hasn’t told us personally but we don’t doubt it. She hasn’t had a crush in the years we’ve known her” sort of thing.
Not to mention his questions started to turn very sexual (what would you be willing to do in the bedroom etc) and I wanted to stop that sort of discussion. I told him I was asexual and he stopped texting me besides to ask about homework.
Am I the asshole?
(Sorry about formatting I’m on mobile)
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nGvmRL2qamkEYBGD5e9HVJz1A2yZLhUc | b3tr76 | {
"description": "not wanting to move in with my girlfriend unless she gets rid of her dog",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting to move in with my girlfriend unless she gets rid of her dog? | For reasons unbeknownst to either of us, my girlfriend's dog is absolutely terrified of me. This is the usual routine when we enter her apartment together:
- The dog hears the door open and excitedly runs around the corner to see my girlfriend. As soon as it lays eyes on me, it turns around as fast as possible (you can hear its nails scratching the carpet) and sprints into the furthest away room to hide in the corner.
- As it runs away, it pisses and shits all over the floor in terror.
- At this point my girlfriend is embarrassed and asks me to stay near the door while she cleans up the piss and shit.
- The dog then stays in the corner of that one room and will not move under any circumstances (unless I come near it, in which case it sprints away as fast as it possibly can). Despite having dated this girl since last summer, I have never once seen her dog voluntarily come out of that corner, including instances when I stayed over for three or four days at a time. I'm not exaggerating. It will stay in that corner, motionless, for days on end. If she picks it up and walks over to me, then it starts violently thrashing like a fish out of water until she puts it down so it can run away. If I stand right outside the room it hides in, then it just stares at me and visibly trembles in fear. My girlfriend has the put the food bowl right in front of it so it can eat without leaving the corner because otherwise it just won't eat, sometimes for days. And even when the food bowl is right in front of it, my girlfriend says it doesn't eat as much when I'm around as it usually does.
- Whenever I leave, my girlfriend says it's playful, affectionate, and "a totally different dog."
I should also note that there was an incident in December when I pet it and it aggressively bit me multiple times, so bad that people were asking me what happened to my hands. I now have scars on both of my hands and haven't tried to interact with it since then.
My girlfriend has dropped some hints that she'd like to move in together, but frankly I don't want to live with that dog. And I don't think I'm being unreasonable. Why would I want an animal around when it: A) pisses and shits all over the place whenever I come over, B) refuses to interact with me in any capacity whatsoever, and C) has a history of attacking me. And frankly, if the dog is this deathly afraid of me, then us living together honestly wouldn't be good for it either.
My girlfriend sees my perspective and has said that she may be willing to consider giving the dog to her ex-husband (they got the dog when they were together, but she took it when they split up), but I'm curious if I'm being an asshole by expecting her to do this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 4
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
VEgijALKOD9sPykQUgE93pUkgyK7FS04 | arn922 | {
"description": "not offering to financially help my mother with a housing issue and reminding her to keep on her caseworker to help her find a place to live",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not offering to financially help my mother with a housing issue and reminding her to keep on her caseworker to help her find a place to live? | My mother currently lives in subsidized housing via a program for people with mental health issues. She's on disability and has mobility issues. About a month ago, she messaged me in a panic saying the people who run the program just informed her they're selling the house she lives in and she needs to move out by April. She has a caseworker that's supposed to be helping her find new housing.
Currently, she's in the hospital. She just had hip replacement surgery and is recovering from it.
Here's where the issue comes in... Yesterday evening, I called her to see how she was doing. We talked a bit, updated each other on our lives, she'd called earlier and I hadn't answered because my fiance and I had just gone to see a movie and were setting up the Oculus rift he got us with part of his tax return (important later). All was well until I asked her if her caseworker had any leads on housing... It's something I worry about, since, you know, she's my mother. She said no, and she hadn't really done any looking herself either, even before her hip surgery. I just offhandedly said, "Oh, well, when you're feeling better you might want to get on your caseworker to see what's up."
She freaked out.
She told me I was treating her like a child, and it evolved from there. She told me I didn't understand her life. I was confused, so I asked what it is that I didn't understand. She started in on how I was telling her about seeing movies and Oculus rifts and she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen a movie. I hadn't meant for her to feel like I was rubbing that in her face; we talk about movies and TV together a lot! Then we went back to the housing thing, and she said, "I didn't tell you about this so you could try and fix my problems. I just wanted to hear that you were sorry for my situation and you'd be here for me and help me any way you could! And that's one word I haven't heard from you this whole time: help!"
I stopped her there because I felt myself getting too angry to have a decent conversation with her. I told her I was going to let her go so she could get some rest and so I could cool down. She just kept asking "really? Really?" Until we hung up. I texted her later to tell her I loved her and I will help however I can but I needed some time to cool down.
My AITA question isn't about me ending the conversation to cool down; I'm starting to wonder if I've been a bad daughter. Should I have immediately offered help and financial assistance when she told me about the problem? Am I the asshole for spending money on myself instead of helping her with her issue, even though she didn't ask for it? I feel like she's saying since I'm her daughter I should have offered something immediately and now I feel guilty because I didn't. Should I have not even said anything about getting on the caseworker?
TL;DR: Mother gets angry at me for spending money on myself instead of offering to help her with a housing problem and reminding her to check up with her caseworker about finding a new place to live. AITA for not putting her before my wants even though she never asked for help and mentioning checking on the caseworker? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Ul7bkEUXlECKGh3Zi1qN2Gnyk2ArNLkx | ag4us0 | {
"description": "not wanting to go to church during our girls trip to Vegas",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go to church during our girls trip to Vegas? | My friend from Junior/Senior high school, (all girls Catholic) organized a girl's trip to Vegas for her 40th birthday. While I was raised Catholic, I am now an atheist. The entire group chat has been centered on where and when to go to mass! Would I be an asshole to politely decline? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jtYP3dblC1dZy5lxlxo0YAEiYk7pj7Ag | ath66n | null | AITA friend flaked and I lost money. Pissed | So my friends and I were gonna partake in a big trip, I was glad to join in because friends A and B wanted to and I took the cheapest package because I didn’t know where I’d be financially in 6 months. Friends A and B were super excited about a more expensive package and friend a paid down on hers and I was made to assume so did friend B. This was last August
Friend A eventually lost her job and was only able to get a new one a couple weeks ago so as expected, she couldn’t financially accommodate the trip and understandably pulled out.
Last night friend B indicated that despite leading us to believe that she’d paid down on her package, in reality she hadn’t and is now going with another group at another date. But still wants me to hang with her at a couple events leading up to my now solo trip that I made a no refundable down payment of $300 on
I am pissed. I deleted her contact and said not a word after. She’s now asking why I’m being such a bitch to her. So I’m confused how can I be the asshole in this scenario? POV Anyone | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WUJX95NFiGrHFa33AC0iwsz3usNLh1At | aeb05n | {
"description": "insisting on sticking to lgbt lifestyle even though our parents are devastated",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for insisting on sticking to LGBT lifestyle even though our parents are devastated? |
Hello team
Before we begin, I know it is easy to go off track on this kind of topic. Please do not turn this into a ‘are trans people/bisexuals/gay people okay and/or are they real’. Also I am very interested in whether or not I’m in the right or if I’m wrong as I don’t know what to think. This is much more relevant than any advice (otherwise I would have asked in an advice sub! ). Thanks! :D
I am a 19 year old cis girl dating a 19 year old trans guy. We are both college students and have recently came out to our parents about our identities... and both sets of parents are absolutely heartbroken.
Of course initially it looks like a total case of NTA - of course we should be able to live how we want authentically right?
But our parents just do not understand. They think we don’t know what we are doing and that we are this way due to some sort of childhood trauma or mental illness (I know gender dysphoria is counted as a mental illness but having a trans identity itself isn’t. ). My BF is having a particularly hard time as many people still don’t quite understand how transgender people feel and live and his parents are finding it VERY hard to deal with. Our mothers will not stop crying, it’s as if they’re mourning.
We are both so patient (especially my BF who is desperate for them to see how wonderful his life has become and how happy he is now that he can live as himself and is ready to hold their hands through this change) and ready to help, we aren’t the kind of people offended by questions or misunderstandings, even though it is a little upsetting. But they truly won’t accept it at all. My dad is losing sleep, my mom is crying. His parents are acting like he’s going to die.
Even though they don’t understand or support us and our identities are making them upset, we work so well together. My BF is so kind and clever, I’m just so proud of him. Because we refuse to sacrifice our happiness for that of our (much loved) parents...... AWTA?
—————————-
TLDR; we are LGBT and want to stay together, but our parents are devastated and it seems like an asshole move to rub it in their faces (read: existing as ourselves) when both our moms are literally crying over it | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
8BbVRdwdgCaJi1xOhzQDF6zq3amfXEBp | apyo3l | {
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to hang out with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to hang out with my friends? | Obviously a throwaway, because my friends know my reddit name.
​
I've been together with my girlfriend for 4 months, and she gets along with my friends pretty good. I dont have anything against it, but this is not the only thing. She sometimes goes with them to a bar, eventhough i cant be there. As well one of my friends is regulary visiting her at home. IM NOT AFRAID THAT SHE WILL CHEAT ON ME WITH ONE OF MY FRIENDS, i just dont like it that they hang out so much. I have told it to her many times, but she just doesnt get it and always come with excuses with how and why they met. I tell her that i dont care how or why, its just that i dont like it and that she please should stop meeting my friends without me.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
sOkipKJFS6KJwaaqlxqgwPitticnFVp1 | a4rfqw | {
"description": "encouraging my girlfriend's art when I don't think it's that good",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for encouraging my girlfriend's art when I don't think it's that good | English is not my first language so I apologize in advance.
My girlfriend has always been into drawing and painting, especially ink work and watercolor. She would love to become a professional, full time artist. She is very committed to this but is also very hard on herself in that she often thinks she isn't good enough. This is (I think) sometimes made worse by me being a hobbyist as she tends to compare herself to me and use it to insult herself.
My job is unrelated to the arts but I make cards, drawings, and so on of my favorite actors and for my friends, and of course her. I'm generally a more analytical person and good at finding strengths and weaknesses, and this also applies to my own work. I have a good sense of balance, colors and proportion but I can lack in anatomy and consistency. I am far from the best artist in the world but compared to the average person I do pretty well.
Being more analytical, I can also see the strengths and weaknesses in her work. She does well inking but often struggles with her creativity and coloring. Her ideas tend to be very cliche, for example if she was asked to draw a picture of depression she may draw a girl crying with a broken heart in the background. Part of this is probably just her lack of confidence stopping her from really pushing it.
But because I am her partner, I am always there to support her in drawing. She is open with me about her insecurities and I always tell her that as long as she believes in herself she can do it. She is also still learning, she is taking art classes so I also tell her as she learns more it'll be way easier because she'll know how to use the materials.
A more blunt friend pointed this out to me and told me that by encouraging a bad artist I'm just disrespecting my girlfriend since she won't be able to succeed in that field. This is not the only field my girlfriend is considering but I would like to hear some opinions. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XErBczmcJEOITFqwc5NtSIjLvJhygsZm | b71wer | {
"description": "wanting marry my girlfriend but not act as a traditional \"step dad\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 39
} | AITA for wanting marry my girlfriend but not act as a traditional “step dad” | Together for 3 years. Her child is 9. I always had issues with my step dads growing up and I don’t want to be one but I love her and I want to be with her. At first, I tried to do the step dad thing but I just don’t think I am good at it. He and I were always sort of “meh” even though she encouraged us to do things together. He has a father, her ex-husband, but the guy rarely sees him. We don’t have any plans to have anymore kids together.
I want to be with her but I don’t want to be a step dad to him. I like him. I like being around him and I am polite to him but I just don’t want to be involved in any parenting or parenting decisions. She recently asked me to watch him while she ran to work for a minute to get her new work laptop and I asked her if she would pay me the babysitter rate. She didn’t think it was funny. I don’t think I should have to babysit for free though. I ended up doing it because we have joint accounts so it was joint money anyway.
I fully believe I can be a part of their lives without having to be the step dad and do all the child rearing and stuff. She says that is insane and you can’t just be her husband and not a father figure to her son. I just don’t think I’d be good at the step dad thing. Am I an asshole for wanting to be a husband to her but not a parent with her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 39,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 39
} | WRONG |
oyhMZY6hH7UVebiWylJb0LTD0uq9dH1F | au7bkn | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend after she came out as bisexual",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend after she came out as bisexual? | My girlfriend publicly came out as bisexual around a week ago, and I was really pissed. I told her she should have told me before telling everyone else because I had a right to know first.
We got in an argument about it, and I told her I wanted to break up. Why would she randomly come out as bisexual now? Something must have triggered it. She must have hooked up with a girl or something, so I called her a cheating whore (I kinda regret that), and then she started acting all crazy and yelling at me and calling me an asshole and stuff.
Also, it's basically a fact that bisexual women are really horny all the time, and if I stayed with her, she would have probably ended up cheating on me. If she cheated on me with a girl, that would be embarrassing as fuck. People would take the piss out of me for it. My friends would never let me live it down.
A few days later, I started regretting my decision a little because she's quite hot, so I texted her and told her that I'd be open to getting back together with her as long as she promised to never cheat on me with a woman, and that if she was attracted to a woman that I'd be open to having a threesome with her and that woman so that she could get it out of her system.
She started getting angry again and acted like a crazy bitch and told me to go fuck myself.
I'm really pissed because I feel like I was being perfectly reasonable, and I even offered her an alternative to breaking up, yet she's acting like I'm the one in the wrong and like I'm a bad person or something. And our mutual friends are probably gonna take her side because everyone usually believes women over men which sucks.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
RdfO0ArfXSq6DjNZ9TSq85AyHUJEsepX | b5q3km | {
"description": "refusing to go to a show with my mom and my cousins because my mom just threw up",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for refusing to go to a show with my mom and my cousins because my mom just threw up? | A bit of context for you guys:
I am a freelancer in the entertainment industry and I'm traveling around Europe with some artists so I see my cousins only a few times a year. They always have the same wish for their birthdays, a trip to a show with me and my mother. So we gifted them tickets to a show including a train ride to the venue and back. The train takes around 2 hours to get there, the show has a length of around 3 hours.
A week before the show my mom got really I'll so she wasn't able to go to work and had to cough really bad. Like really really bad, she could only stop when using a inhaler for around 2 minutes.
In the morning, 2 hours before the departure she has to cough every 2 minutes so i tell her that it wouldn't make any sense for her to go with us to the show, not only because she wouldn't enjoy it but also the rest of the guests would be annoyed. (We had seats right in the middle between other guests) She then said that its okay and she just wanted to say hello to my cousins before we would take the train. Half an hour before departure she had to cough so hard that she had to throw up. At the train station she then told me that she would come with us.
I said that if she would come with us I wouldn't go because I can't support that. She got really angry but we went without her in the end.
Now I feel bad on the one side for not giving her the option to see the show but on the other side I think that the day would've been ruined for my cousins if she would throw up again.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
l9zEwT5X4yT96T2b8V7sJWh6LTf9DAd1 | aez8f3 | {
"description": "getting mad that my boyfriend picks the weekend of me getting laid off to go see his brother instead of staying with me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad that my boyfriend picks the weekend of me getting laid off to go see his brother instead of staying with me? | Throwaway since he's on Reddit..
I was made redundant this week at work and it has been effecting me pretty seriously. Ive never been fired or made redundant before and it came out of no where.
This was my first real job in my career and is directly connected to my Visa since I live abroad. Since I live aboard my closest family member is over 3k miles away and I have very few close friends here (my boyfriend was my best friend for the past 2 years before we officially started dating).
He lost his job back in November (he was fired since he would not show up for work/go out partying every night) and I was there for him all through December and the holidays for when he was upset. During this time he never went to see his family (he was born here so his family is only about 40 mins away).
He's back working now so all week I've been left to deal with this on my own until he comes home and even then he wouldn't really want to talk about it or would fall asleep.
I was okay with this as I assumed this weekend would we be able to spend time together and talk then.
Yesterday he let me know he would be away to go see his brother this weekend and that he'd be staying there. (There is no real reason other than he hasn't see him in a while).
AITA for getting mad at him for leaving me alone after one of the most stressful weeks of my life? Am I just expecting too much from him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LExd9ENQicLfAeMjlgGurPK60MsocPfZ | b1keng | {
"description": "indirectly profiting off the venezuelan crisis",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for indirectly profiting off the Venezuelan crisis? | Okay, I know how bad that title sounds; bare with me.
I'll be flying from my South American country to the US relatively soon. The flight is 10 hours long, going over many South and Central American countries, particularly Venezuela. Due to the civil unrest there, and in order to prevent another disaster like the \[MH17\]([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malaysia\_Airlines\_Flight\_17](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malaysia_Airlines_Flight_17)), airlines \[have been ordered not to fly over it\]([https://www.news24.com/World/News/us-tells-pilots-to-use-caution-when-flying-over-venezuela-20190226](https://www.news24.com/World/News/us-tells-pilots-to-use-caution-when-flying-over-venezuela-20190226)). This means an added \~40 minutes to my flight, nothing to complain about.
Once I get to JFK I was planning on taking another flight to my final destination. I haven't booked this flight yet and prices keep climbing up for the day I'd be arriving, so I'm scrambling to find an alternative.
It's important to note the airline has a generous delay policy: if the flight is delayed by over 30 minutes or brought forward over 15, you are allowed to reschedule it by up to two weeks. When I heard about the delay I realized I could move my flight a couple days back and save hundreds of dollars.
Some of my friends have called me an asshole for even thinking about doing this, as in some way it's profiting off the suffering of others.
Now, my question is: are they right? Is it ethical to change flights in order to save money if the reason I'm able to do it in the first place is because millions are suffering?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nI3nFA5fgaugKr4iALHEFmitD6CBx1e2 | arcwsn | {
"description": "putting my roommate's belongings in a pile",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For putting my roommate's belongings in a pile? | So my roommate was moving out the other month to get more workspace for school, as well as due to some logistical reasons and some personal conflicts. We shared a lot of stuff communally so when it was time to move out we naturally ended up talking about what stays, what goes and how to go about it. We agreed if anything valuable they originally bought was to stay behind like appliances or furniture that I needed, I could pay for it. Once they got their new place the plan was that they would start making trips of mostly the big stuff and then after a while if there was still some communal things left over that I didn't want, I would start a box and we'd go over it.
This is where the misunderstanding started.
I waited 3 weeks after they got their new place and they had started taking trips. I helped move and put stuff together, packing and all that. It was all going smoothly, and we were still on good terms. I called them and mentioned casually that there were still a few things left behind, and that I was going to put them in the box like we mentioned. I gave a few examples (this scarf, that jar) and the conversation went well.
I maybe definitely went overboard on the box. It wasn't intentional, but when my roommate came back to pick something up and say hi there were probably 30 or 40 things, and they definitely didn't fit in the box. It also wasn't sorted, it was mostly just a pile on the couch :/
Roomate lost their shit, called me at work crying and said all of this stuff about how I was trying to get rid of them, how I only wanted to keep the 'good stuff'... Apparently their foster parents neglected and mistreated them, and one of the things the family did was throw all their stuff in a pile... I had COMPLETELY forgotten about that, but I did know. This was a really distressing for Roommate and I apologized profusely. They had to go to work right after seeing the pile too, which hella sucks. I probably should have known better and it did go through the back of my head that putting your roommate's things in a pile was something you did to kick them out, but I ignored it because we had talked about it first.
I ended up taking the pile apart, sorting it, putting some things back... I felt really bad and wanted to make it better. We're on good terms again but I still feel terrible. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
L1QZKWQXuzYxa4lAzOKZBh2ekyDoR6AI | b1j1xr | {
"description": "not indulging my husbands cuckold fantasies",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not indulging my husbands cuckold fantasies? | My husband wants to watch me have sex with other men. I don't want to have sex with other men.
At first, I was pretty confident that I was in the right in denying him his fantasy. After all, why should I do something sexually that I don't want to do? The more I've thought about it though, the less sure I am.
We've talked about it. He hasn't been pushy about it at all, but he did make a good point, which is this...
He always does his best to please me, both sexually and in other ways. He does things he wouldn't enjoy doing, except that I like them and he enjoys pleasing me. Why wouldn't that go both ways?
I don't know where he's wrong there? Now I feel kinda bad that pleasing him isn't enough to make me want to fulfill his fantasy. He loves me enough to do everything he can to please me. Do I not love him less? Why don't I want to do this?
Am I being an ass for not wanting to fulfill his fantasy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NiGO6rHD5jaWYYqNRi8EW9TdaxbY8lMM | a07alz | {
"description": "being upset about Slow and Poor Service on Black Friday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For Being Upset About Slow and Poor Service on Black Friday? | Thursday night, a few family members and I went Black Friday shopping, as we do every year, and every year we finish our night at the same 24/7 restaurant (similar to Denny's and IHOP). We were prepared for a long wait, since previous years we've had a 30-45 minute wait just to be seated.
This year, however, they weren't nearly as full as usual, and we got a table for eight right away. Hostess took our drink orders, and the waitress showed up a few minutes later with the drinks and took the food order. So far so good.
Four more groups got seated in our area shortly after we did, so I was starting to expect slight delays. But, we were all talking and having a good time, so no worries. Once the other tables started getting their food, our conversation started turning to how long we'd been waiting, and I pointed out it had been over an hour since we ordered. So my sister went to ask the waitress about it and she said she would check.
A couple minutes later the waitress came to our table and unapologetically said "There was a miscommunication, your ticket didn't get entered. They're working on it now". We were all a little taken aback by the annoyed tone and lack of any sort of apology. Also worth noting none of us got a refill on our drinks yet.
Our food arrived about 30 minutes later, all four of the other tables already got their checks and left, two of them replaced with new customers. All by the same waitress, who at this point had been to our table 3 times. Once to take the order, once to explain the delay, and now to drop off the food. She had to work around our table to serve the people in the booths around us, so it's not like she didn't know we were there.
Cue round two of the problems. One of us pointed out he didn't get any of his sides. The waitress responded "That doesn't come with sides". He said,
Him: "But the menu said it does"
Waitress: "I think you ordered the discounted version without sides"
Him: "No, I pointed to that."
Her: *sigh* "fine."
At this point my sister chimed in about her food. Biscuits and gravy.
Sis "Umm, there's no gravy on here"
Waitress "I'm not familiar with that menu item, but I'm pretty sure that's how it's supposed to be"
Sis "But, it's biscuits AND GRAVY"
Waitress "okay, I'll check."
Then a third person: "I didn't get the dipping sauces for my food either"
Waitress: *big sigh* "got it" and left as quickly as possible.
Still no hint of an apology for anything.
While she was gone, those of us who got our full orders started eating. My other sister cuts into her food and pulls out a long hair. If you knew my sister, you'd know that's the one surefire way to gross her out.
Waitress comes back and she points it out saying "Just take this off my bill. I'm done". Waitress says the manager will be over shortly to discuss our issues. That's the last we saw of her.
Manager came over and just said "Who had the hair?". My sister raised her hand.
Manager "You want another one?"
Sister "No"
Manager "Do you want anything else? A muffin or something?"
Sister "No, I'm done". Not even trying to hide her disgust at that point.
Manager "Okay" and she left. No mention of the other problems.
Around the point of my sister finding the hair, we were all pretty loudly joking around about how horrible it was going, not berating the staff or anything, but still loud enough so the people close to us could hear the entire saga play out. I noticed one of the two groups near us getting pretty annoyed by it, with one lady in particular shooting dirty looks at us constantly.
About 45 minutes pass and we still haven't gotten our bills, so my "hair" sister goes up to the register and comes back with a handful of tickets. After a few minutes of trying to sort through which one is who's, she realized all of ours were on one ticket, and the lady at the front desk just handed her all open tickets.
She goes back up front to work out who owes what, comes back a few minutes later saying it's all sorted out.
As we get up to leave I heard the older lady at the next booth say "finally" and her table all snickered.
We ended up with the bill split 3 ways, two of us got 50% off and one was just free. No apologies by any of the staff, and all of them and the customers at the one booth acting like it was all our fault.
This ended up being only the second time in my life I didn't leave a tip at all.
Anyway, given how the other table was acting AITA, or were we the assholes for being upset and not tipping?
TL;DR: Horrible service, orders screwed up so we didn't tip and had a reduced bill. Other customers and staff acted like we were the problem. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
zvn7N3pGdVwPJ27qW5wqtdkvx6TQANyB | afzwbn | {
"description": "not wanting to go to a pride event with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go to a pride event with my gf? | So I’m gay (I’m 24 Female) and my girlfriend (23 Female) wants to go to a pride event which includes a little parade kind of thingy and some speeches and a few LGBTQ+ films. I’ve never been a fan of these events but we haven’t talked about it before.
So my girlfriend wants to go, because it’s one of the first ones in our region. I’m openly gay to everyone but my fam so I don’t worry about being seen - I just don’t like bigger crowds. My gf and I had a fight. She’s angry because I haven’t mentioned it before (I didn’t feel like I had to) and I’m angry because I don’t like big crowds and she can’t respect that.
tl;dr gf want’s to go to a pride event, which is one of the first ones in our area, I don’t, because I don’t like big crowds.
So AITA for not wanting to go? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
R8B7K2IMmH6EwJANA3D3k93r6EBymcu7 | achzjq | {
"description": "shipping timeframe",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Shipping Timeframe 📦 | I ordered something from Facebook Marketplace on Saturday, December 29th. The seller promised to ship on Monday and send me the tracking number.
I followed up with her on Wednesday, and she said she’d get it in the mail that afternoon.
AITA if I request a refund if not shipped by Saturday? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TrPmVm3SLHrijhOmeYZX1wjSMxnvDFph | aswlw8 | {
"description": "wanting my dog after a break up",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for wanting my dog after a break up? | I got a dog while in a relationship. It was specifically discussed that if we broke up the dog would be mine (because I lost a dog in a previous breakup). Fast forward 8 months and me and the girlfriend break up. In the mix of that I find out I am leaving for a deployment. She says she will look after the dog and we will discuss what do to with the dog when I get back.
Well after 2 weeks of not seeing the dog, we meet at the dog park so I can see him before I leave. Very cordial meeting until I tell her that I know when I get back, I am going to want him back. Well she thinks it is only fair that if I want him back she does not want to watch him for 11 months and have to give him back. She said this will be unfair for him to lose her and the other dog she had before we met. I told her if that is the case my family can watch him but they are in the middle of moving and they have 2 small dogs. He wont get to play with larger dogs like he does now and he will will be getting scalded constantly for playing too rough with the little guys. I will also have to scramble to get a new vet.
So I asked her if that is the case either I lose him now or the dog comes with me and doesn't have the nice life he will have with her. So I agreed to give him to her and not ask for him when I come back. AITA for still wanting him when I come back?
Btw part of the reason we broke up is because of fibbing (see my first post) and I took this as the last test to prove to her I will never lie to her again. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
Awlt1QYjOjNsooOe9X1BlXOVuLETMKWi | akcoin | {
"description": "locking the door",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for locking the door? | I’ve always been the type of person who plays it safe. Growing up, I was always taught to lock the doors at night, even though we were in a safe area. I’m at college now, and I still follow that line of thinking. My room is pretty close to our main door, and even though realistically no one would probably stroll in, I feel safer with the door locked. My roommate doesn’t care quite as much, but he almost always does the same.
Last night he went out to a party while I stayed in. I knew he would be coming back, but I didn’t know when. When I went to bed I locked the door as usual and thought nothing of it. As it turns out, he had left his key in the room and was locked out when he returned late at night. That meant he had to call someone to come up with a master and unlock the room, which no doubt took a long time. He tried to call/text me, but my phone was on do not disturb and I was fast asleep.
He managed to get back in, but I’m not sure when. I texted him today apologizing, but I’m not sure if I was in the wrong here.
TL;DR: Locked my dorm room as I was going to sleep and accidentally locked my roommate out | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6n89WqBAuskGKnbSSzUWqDPReBFQ0yBk | aq1ifd | {
"description": "asking my friend if she was with her ex-boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my friend if she was with her ex-boyfriend? | So I'm a guy in college. So is my friend of 7 or so months. Her name is jamie We both suffer from anxiety, and we've bonded over that among other things. She's always told me her phone line is open if i need to talk. Some more background: she had an abusive ex named daniel who seemed like a shitty person. He made her cry constantly and called her degrading things. Also, I told her I have feelings for her a couple months ago, she said she wasnt ready and had valid reasons, but we continued our friendship.
​
Heres's what happened: It's about 11:30 PM and i'm a little tipsy with my friend, when I receive a call from jamie. she's on acid and in a field. she asked if I could pick her up and come to my place. she then said she was with her friend daniel. I begin to have a panic attack, but say sure. I thought there was a possibility it's a different daniel, but I've never met the guy. I call her back and say I'll sober up then come to get her.
I did NOT want her ex at my house. Bottom line. I don't like abusive people. On my way there, she calls and asks if I'm annoyed. I wasn't. I was just afraid to ask if she was with her ex. I pull over and call her, ask her if we can talk in private, and ask "are you with your ex." I wasn't jealous, I just didn't want to bring a total piece of a shit into my house. She hung up on me. Honestly, that hurt my feelings a bit.
​
It's been a little over a week. I've called her twice. I really put a lot into friendships, even with my bros. It just hurts a lot to lose a friend with whom I confided and cared for. Over something so dumb.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qbFbQaR0UNszb9Qga15wnZNpke9TDAYB | a7q600 | {
"description": "not getting my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not getting my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas? | My boyfriend and I are currently trying to save for a deposit for a house and, as such, we agreed to skip Christmas presents and just get each other something in January as a joint Christmas/Birthday thing (both our birthdays are in January). Well he came to me today and said he new what he wanted for a Christmas present. It was one of those little robot vacuum things that hoover your home when you're not in. It was £270. I told him I wasn't going to get him something so ridiculously expensive and completely unnecessary. Plus I'm positive he'll get bored with the novelty of it pretty quickly. He said it was what he wanted and I can't tell him "no" to a present he's asked for. My argument is that it's way more money than I was expecting us to spend on each other especially when we're trying to save for a deposit. He argues that it's what he's asked for and he was really excited by the idea of it and now I've ruined it for him. He offered to pay £100 towards it if I paid the rest but I still said "no", much to his annoyance. So AITA for not getting him the dammed robot? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
y4eRgUJMahWHSJIO76SCjpGyVEMHDFt7 | amuspq | {
"description": "not doing laundry",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not doing laundry | so my wife and i are currently in a heated disagreement over laundry. shes a stay at home mom and I'm active duty military. due to the nature of my job im often at home on stand by. during this time i do almost all of the chores around the house. cooking, cleaning. garbage, laundry, and taking care of the newbord. Today my wife asked if i wanted to go do laundry with her and i said no i wanted to enjoy the day pff as i had worked last night from 6pm until 5 this morning. She got livid with me and said im just using whatver excuse i can to not spend time with her. the last 4 times weve done laundry i did it by myself. AITA for wanting a break? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dtZrnMcdRUpxuu8N90nZwfhlgyJ66nda | b9rr4l | {
"description": "pursuing my ex for child support",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for pursuing my ex for child support | Long story short, ex and I split custody 50/50 but I make less money. A friend recently pointed out that I could get child support because of the income discrepancy. I am seriously considering it, but I know the “stigma” of going child support. Am I an asshole for seeking payments from my ex because she makes more than I do and using that money to reimburse myself for the cost of raising my kids? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
tTjMZt5giOWOoZesjRZNqMZFNgxv49Ef | apclla | {
"description": "not buying my GF Enough Gifts for Valentines Day",
"pronormative_score": 66,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For Not Buying My GF Enough Gifts for Valentines Day? | I'm M22, she's F20 been together for a bit over a year now. I'm going on a business trip starting tomorrow for a week so will miss V Day and we did a dinner tonight to make up for it. I got my GF Tiffany Bracelet, huge stuffed bear like 5ft tall bear, box of chocolates from Godiva, a dozen roses a card and paid for dinner of course at an expensive restaurant this evening. Cost of all of this was about $1,100, I thought I did so well and she really likes/appreciates gifts so I thought my level of spending would be good. She seemed a bit disappointed during dinner though and when I brought her back to my place I asked her what was up and she said she expected more as I'm missing actual V day and I make a lot of money ( I'm on track to make 85k this year) so I should have bought her more. I was astonished as I just spent over a grand on her and I don't even make that much! I got kinda sad and said basically I thought I did got her nice stuff and did make up for missing the day. She was annoyed and said I shouldn't be sad she should be and that I'm trying to manipulate her by "faking" being sad and it was an asshole move. I ignored her for the rest of the night and got my things to go to the airport as I had a flight soon (typing this otw to the airport), she took an uber home and I just said we'll talk more about it when I get back next Saturday.
AITA For this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 65,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 66,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
smzdItCgmAlrIJSv30VZYh4o8TIzm0P8 | b1u67a | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with my ex? | My ex-girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me 4 months ago, and said she wanted to be friends. We broke up on friendly terms because she saw me more as a friend and because the love was gone for her. First I agreed and was willing to set aside my pride and feelings. We speak some times over the phone, and catch the train when we are going back to our parents home. Everytime we meet I am not comfortable around her, even sometimes get angry out of nowhere and don't feel like she is my friend.
AITA for saying to her that I want space and that she can not text me anymore? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9819JD9vMq0EI7DpD3bmaeLnDKB434wP | b442gy | {
"description": "telling my boyfriend he stinks",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my boyfriend he stinks? | So I used to be super attracted to my boyfriend but he’s starting to go like four days without showering sometimes and he’s a big dude with lots of smells. It makes me less attracted to him bc I feel clean and did shower and put in effort and I feel like it makes it all worthless when I am near/on him. I don’t hug him in the mornings anymore bc it smells so bad. I don’t kiss him bc he never brushes his teeth. I mean there have been four days at a time and stuff in there.
I’ve tried to hint at this. Just like “what’s that smell?” Or “hey would you maybe want to shower” and he will get offended and be like “no not right now”. So finally When he was like I feel like you never want to be near me anymore. And I was like I do! I love you! I just feel like the cleaner you are the more attracted I am to you and want to be around you so I like to cuddle/do you when you’ve showered. Because otherwise I feel kinda dirty. And he’s been pretty offended by it. And still not doing it. And I feel like I’m being an asshole by continuing to not be all over him and for saying something at all but also feel like it’s gross.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
nIT4cZ55tpEe1GlevllOSaErMgpUDpze | b9750t | {
"description": "wanting to raise our child with a set structure, rather than with improvisation",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to raise our child with a set structure, rather than with improvisation? | My husband has a 4 yo whom I’ve been the adoptive mother to for over 3 years and we plan on having children once we work out our differences.
To cut it short, he says that I am “too controlling”, whereas I think he is “too flexible” (he gets sensitive when I call it “irresponsible”); as we are raising his child together, we have come across a lot of conflicts on how he should be raised. We have tried both ways and had conflicts. I have discussed and attempted to make compromises with him, but he gets upset and only wants it 100% his way.
The main issues:
- I believe that most toddlers function better with a set schedule, as they will know what to expect as the day progresses and will less likely act out. He, on the other hand, thinks that with a schedule, especially one made by me, makes for the days to be nothing like he wants.
- We have the most issues when it comes to his child’s eating. Since his kid has a small appetite, I try to get his daily calories/nutrients in 5 small meals (3 meals, 2 snacks) a day, and he eats relatively well with me. I encourage him to eat by conversing with him and teaching him new things as he eats. My SO, on the other hand, feels that if his child is hungry then he will ask for food, and if he doesn’t want to eat then it is okay; no encouragement necessary, and no need for “making up for it” throughout the day. This has made him underweight before. I would be okay if the skipping was not so frequent or if it were because of a family excursion, but otherwise it is not ideal.
- Since I try to feed his child frequently, he poos around 3 times a day. This would tire my husband out as he would have to wash him sometimes, and this is one of the reasons why he wanted his child to eat less. As much as I understand that it can be tiring, I don’t think it is justifiable to make your child eat only a few bites every meal or skip meals because of that.
- My SO works from home while I work as a dentist with a 9-5 schedule, and it gets tiring when I have to make up for the things his child has missed while having to also cook and do chores. This wouldn’t be an issue for me if his child was raised with a proper schedule, but because it is improvised when he’s with my husband, it gets stressful for me (and because he sees that I am stressed, he would say that if I had just went with his plan, I wouldn’t be stressed and everything will “eventually align”).
- When his child didn’t want to eat vegetables, I would encourage him while having a bit of fun trying out a variety of vegetables together. My husband didn’t like the idea of that, and instead wanted to do it in a way where if we just gave his child only vegetables for a meal, he would eventually get too hungry and will then eat it. I did not think that this would resolve his child’s attitude towards vegetables, as he is only eating them out of desperation and not out of being open to them.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7uVuWn2TDjeHFaIm8d6HMHMACyECZO3Z | aylk38 | {
"description": "leaving my fiance over his reaction to me getting a student suspended",
"pronormative_score": 454,
"contranormative_score": 53
} | AITA for leaving my fiance over his reaction to me getting a student suspended | I am a librarian at a prek-12 school. I lead one class every period with the younger kids, and high schoolers are free to use the library at any time during the day.
For any women that teach small kids, you know that they grab your boobs. A lot. It's not intentional, my boobs are just eye level for the kids and they often use them for balance or to get my attention. They don't realize what they're doing. Usually I just say "watch your hands!" or gently move their hands away, but I don't get mad, because they're little and they don't understand that they're doing something wrong.
One day, I was crouched down next to a 6 year old helping him find a book. He stumbled and grabbed my chest. Again, not a big deal, but one of the 17 year olds in the library saw it happened and yelled, "LOOKS LIKE MS. aitaitaita IS LETTING THE BOYS COP A FEEL." I went up to him and told him he was being inappropriate and threaten detention and all that, and he gets lippy (his friends were watching) and reaches out AND GRABS MY BOOB. I could tell from his face that he knew he fucked up as soon as he did it and I took him straight to the office. The principal tore him a new one, and then we discussed it for a bit and decided that a 3 day suspension and a call home was appropriate, since the kid was clearly scared shitless and seemed to both of us to be more of a smartass than a danger to students or other teachers. The suspension will also have to be reported to colleges, which is what my (ex)fiance took issue with.
I told my fiance about it that night and he didn't react as expected. He said that the high schooler was just a kid who clearly didn't realize what he was doing, and it was a double standard to punish him and not punish the younger kids for the same infraction. I pushed back because I think there's a huge difference between being 6 and being 17, and he accused me of being an unfair teacher who was targeting a student because I weighed in on the punishment, and therefore he wasn't treated impartially. He also told me that this being on the kids record was too harsh and he didn't deserve to be marked forever for a "joke." I pointed out he should know better, but he just doubled down on telling me I should learn to take a joke and laugh it off and not be such a bitch.
I tried to discuss it several times but he wouldn't budge, and I felt incredibly unsupported and hurt, so I decided to break off the engagement. HIs friends have been reaching out and accusing me of being unfair and rash. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 29,
"OTHER": 446,
"EVERYBODY": 24,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 454,
"WRONG": 53
} | RIGHT |
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