id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
OdliTp2kX3UxnEhdwYYSfgvw4ORUHCqD | a3jcu9 | {
"description": "ghosting my friend over a disagreement about a church",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for ghosting my friend over a disagreement about a church? | I've been super great friends with Beryl for ages. 6 years? Maybe longer.
She's a Christian who is quite progressive in her beliefs but traditional and fundamentalist in other aspects. It's kinda hard to explain.
She's all for SSM and abortion, but no kissing before marriage and careful with your clothing. Not sure if that's relevant.
Lately Beryl has, become somewhat of a SJW - but still definitely a Christian - and her church has become gradually more conservative and fundamental. This has happened over the last year or so.
It is now at the point where Beryl and the church's views conflict so much so that the only things they seem to agree on is the very basics of Christianity.
And yet Beryl still goes there. Every Wednesday and Sunday nights she phones me in a bad mood, depressed, and almost in/actually in tears. She tells me everything that happened and we usually talk for close to an hour.
Her other friends and I have tried to convince her to leave that church and find somewhere else. We've been tellinh her this for what feels like years now. It's exhausting. We know there aren't any romantic interests keeping her there. We've asked countless times.
Here's where the AITA comes in. I ghosted Beryl. I couldn't do it any more and just gave up on our friendship over a disagreement on where she goes to church.
TL;DR AITA for ghosting my best friend over something seemingly as petty as a shitty church? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Edm8WxSbuO5hc8DN8BpxEkg5Om9a5bJU | ahdpq4 | {
"description": "dating someone I wasn't interested in",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for dating someone I wasn’t interested in | A couple months ago, I’d begun losing contact with my closest online friends since the friendships were just stagnating. Eventually, I met someone new online and began relying on him almost entirely emotionally since I was going through a rough patch. Eventually, he revealed he had a crush on me, and I told him that I didn’t really reciprocate and that it was fine and we could still be friends. Eventually, he began distancing himself from me saying he didn’t wanna get too attached, and I felt really bad because I felt the one person I trusted the most was drifting a way. So, I placated him for a while and told him that he still had a chance. Eventually, he wanted a clear answer on if we were gonna date and in the spur of the moment I said yes. I hoped that eventually my feelings would change and I would enjoy being in the relationship. Last night, after about a month of dating, I realized my feelings hadn’t changed. I told him that I wanted to break up and told him why. Obviously, he was incredibly upset himself as I was a huge emotional crutch for him and he suddenly felt like our whole friendship was a lie. During the dispute, he mentioned that he had begun to distance himself as a tactic to get me to date him. I argued that I was trapped because of his actions but he said if I’d just said no I could’ve spared him the heartbreak. On one hand, I led him on for a month making him think our romantic relationship was genuine when I just wanted platonic one, but on the other hand I was manipulated into a spot where I felt I had no choice but to say yes or lose my best friend. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
40w3XikWNO4wcZ4S481vglc8a4Y5k19y | apd5xi | {
"description": "making my girlfriend buy expensive concert tickets",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for making my girlfriend buy expensive concert tickets? | One of my favorite rappers has a concert this Friday only like an hour away from where I live. I found out about the concert at the beginning of January and when I told my girlfriend about it she said we could definitely go. It’s a small venue where rappers go when they are getting big but still haven’t blown up yet. A small enough venue where you stand maybe anywhere from next to the stage to only like 50 feet away. The general admission tickets were only $20. We had agreed to purchase the tickets together but every time I asked her if she was ready to buy the tickets or if she had the money she would put it off. Every single time. Tonight I finally had enough of it so I went to buy them myself and found the show had sold out. After a long discussion with my girlfriend of letting her know how disappointed I was and how “sorry isn’t good enough this time” she found resale tickets online for $180 in total and purchased them saying I didn’t have to pay her back. I agreed and don’t plan on giving her any money for them. Am I the asshole Reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
vaaCwJxNUUgn8xBnifx7jBap1q4L1rys | b38n3h | {
"description": "not believing my Mom Suffers Memory Loss",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Not Believing My Mom Suffers Memory Loss? | I have a complicated relationship with my mom. The simplest way to explain it is we basically had the same relationship as Rapunzel and Mother Gothel in Tangled with physical abuse and an abusive alcoholic stepfather mixed in.
It’s been several years now and I’m trying to have some kind of relationship with my mom. My mom now claims to have chronic memory issues. Every time I try to talk to her about the past, she says she doesn’t remember. Even the extremely memorable circumstances of me leaving home, which involved paramedics and law enforcement. She remembers enough to blame me for stuff or argue that I deserved to be punished because I was “so difficult” but the really horrible stuff, the indefensible shit she did, she just can’t recall apparently.
I understand that memory loss and dementia are real, serious illnesses. I just don’t believe that my mom has that. Other members of my family want me to believe her and try to move on. I want to confront my mom with the truth of what she did. I want to hold her responsible. At the same time, what if she really doesn’t remember? Is it fair for me to hold things against her that she doesn’t remember? Am I just being vengeful? Am I the asshole for not giving her the benefit of the doubt? Am I the asshole for not taking this as an opportunity to forgive and try to heal? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
QA7K3fWv59K049pP2fwsKhgPzlkD1kE4 | b57kpy | {
"description": "still having sex with a girl who wanted to off herself",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for still having sex with a girl who wanted to off herself. | Holy fuck, I don't know how to say this properly.
So there was this girl who I was chatting to and at the time we really hit it off and I thought she really likes me. We eventually got really flirty with back and forth nudes and hook ups. This was entirely NSA FWB style relationship.
One day she called me and wanted to talk to me. I had no idea what was going on in her life and so she told me "You just want me for the sex." I thought this was her being playful and replied "Nah not only for the sex but also your cute bum."
Then here's when the alarm sounded for me "How about I send you a folder of my nudes so when I die, you have that." I was completely taken back and told her that I don't want that at all and just want my friends to be safe. I eventually talked her out of killing and basically told her of my encounters and such. She ended up in tears when I mentioned that I don't want her to die and even if I am a dick. I am not proud of myself as I am still having sex with her but I make sure that she is fine mentally. I even told her to ask her closer friends and doctors for help.
AITA for still having sex with her after all this has happened? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Y2FpGUrsU8RvhS5fmCKnuBFjbygCbRsT | aneikb | {
"description": "organizing a date with a girl before breaking up with EX",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for organizing a date with a girl before breaking up with EX | So basically I had been seeing this girl (let’s call her F) for a couple of months and honestly I never had strong feelings for her but she was nice we got along and I wanted to give her a chance to see if things could work.
At the start of December I met this other girl (let’s call her S) through a mutual friend and we quickly became friends and I started to develop feelings for her.
Now I live only 10-15 minutes walk away from S. (Is relevant for later). I realized that I basically had far stronger feelings for S then I did for F. This was around the 20th of December. With it being so close to Christmas and the new year I put off breaking up with F until after the holidays.
I only saw F maybe once a week and was trying to get myself ready to break up and was building a distance to make it a little less shocking and maybe easier on myself. Honestly I’m not good at break ups, so I’m sure I’ve done something wrong there.
Now around early-mid January I had only seen F once and hadn’t managed to break up because like I said I’m not good at it and just didn’t manage it. This was my mistake I know.
Then my mom got sick. There was a couple of weeks where I wasn’t sure that my mom wouldn’t make it. Also I live a 20 hour flight away from my parents and going to see them would not be cheap or easy. So basically there was no point in me going back when it wouldn’t help. I felt pretty awful about this and said as much to F who was super nice and understanding. But having already decided to break up with her I didn’t want to lean on her to much during this because she was also busy with work and such. However we didn’t really see each other much over these few weeks so again we didn’t break up. 1) because I just didn’t feel up to it and 2) because I felt she deserved to see me in person rather then doing it over the phone.
Then There is S. We had become fast friends and I had feelings for her. Basically she was free a lot while I was worried about my mom and because we lived so close we ended up spending a lot of our time together just hanging out. Nothing romantic about it just as friends because she lived so close and I wasn’t enjoying being alone with my thoughts. However honestly I did fall for S even harder during this time period.
About a week after I knew my mom was gonna be fine I found a chance to agree to meet F on a day she was free and planned to break up with her then.
The night before I was up late talking to S and telling her what I had planned for the next day. Shortly after she told me she had feelings for me I told her the same and after talking for a bit we agreed that we both wanted to give it a chance so agreed that next weekend we would meet and try going on a date.
Overall I feel bad for agreeing that date the night before breaking up with F but does that make me an asshole?
For the record I was kind to F and we are still occasionally talking as friends it ended on decent terms but I have had several friends act like they really disapprove. Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
gsyFGE0hYTVCibklIUspmGuHMii2xahS | at6lpq | {
"description": "busting out laughing at my friend's gaming friend trying to roleplay a drill sergeant ingame",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for busting out laughing at my friend's gaming friend trying to roleplay a drill sergeant ingame | My friend plays a military simulation game with a group of guys who are super into role playing military personnel. I'm definitely not into this sort of thing, but I he invited me to join one night and I accepted. Figured it might be fun. He gave me a basic rundown of the rules including some terminology I might need to follow along.
Well we drop into the first scenario and me and the other low rank players were lined up while one player was our commanding officer. He immediately starts pacing his character back and forth in front of us and starts belting out orders and they are to respond to with "yes sir." Well I was a little slow to respond to one of these so he comes up to me and starts going off on me (in character of course.) Problem was as soon as he did that I started imagining the "show me your war face" scene with R Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket and I started busting out laughing. After a second I manage to stop myself and apologize for my inappropriate outburst.
They boot me and ban me from the server. I tried to apologize to my friend but he told me I was an asshole and embarrassed him in front of the group. He hasn't responded to me in a few days and I feel really terrible for it. I didn't mean to disrespect any of them. I just thought of something very funny and something about that moment really pushed me into a laughing fit.
Was I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
KCGysq03u2ommUo5HB08j7fw5CFQovvU | b8vkhu | {
"description": "expressing \"sincere\" condolences to the mother of my daughter",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for expressing "sincere" condolences to the mother of my daughter? | To fully understand whats going on I will summarize the background of this whole situation with timestamps.
English is not my first language and I am fucking confused ATM so please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors.
TLDR at the bottom.
In february 2018 I (M23) had FWB-relation with a girl (F21), lets call her Kim.
The whole thing lasted until march.
In april 2018 I came back together with my current GF (F22), gonna call her Jess.
In november 2018 I was told by some distant friends from my area that Kim is pregnant and is due the very next day after I was told she was pregnant. So I had no clue at all that there was the possibilty, that I was going to become a father.
A paterity test prooved that I was the father of the newborn girl. During this period my GF has been highly supportive.
Short-Cut to today.
Jess is not handling it very well any more. My life became a constant balancing act beetween work, studies, Jess and trying to be a somewhat father figure for the child. I always try to involve Jess as much as I can in everything regarding the child. I even send her screenshots of every message so she doesn't feel left out or that there are things happening behind her back. I truly love my GF and I hate that I have put her in that kind of situation.
So as of today I tried to make an appointment at the bank to set up an account for my daughter where all money like child support go on to. In order to do that Kim has to go to the bank with me. I reached out to her to make an appointment but she canceled via text message because her grandmother has passed away.
From here on everything went downwards. I expressed my sincere condolences and told her that I will rearrange the whole thing. As usual Jess gets screenshots of this whole scenario.
I didn't expect a response to that at all but Jess suddenly lost her composure. She told me that it pisses her off that I expressed my "sincere" condolences and not only "my condolonces". From there on it all spiraled down. She told my to not be so gentle towards her and that she wishes us good luck with our little family. There are much more things she said but honestly I am not in the mood to write it all down. Of all things that were said, the thing with the condolences annoys me the most because it makes me wonder if she is that emotionally cold and angry that she ignores the fact that Kim lost a beloved family member and pressuring me into treating Kim more badly. Jess even told me, that it feels like we are breaking up/drifting apart at the moment. She then blocked me and since then I am sitting at work, not able to get my head around it.
So am I the asshole for beeing friendly to the mother of my daugther who is a former FWB.
**TL;DR: Expressed sincere condolences to the mother of my daughter after she lost her grandmother. Now my GF blocked me and accuses me of beeing too friendly and nice towards her.**
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
SrmigDq0Q60rZ6sjFqjYGh6A1tDATtAj | 9uyk5l | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend because she was hanging out with someone who liked her more than she was hanging out with me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she was hanging out with someone who liked her more than she was hanging out with me? | Ok so, I’m only a teenager so a bit of a rookie when it comes to relationships. Anyhow, I was dating a girl in my year level for a solid year and it was going well. Slow, but well. Mid-way through the year I started to notice that she was hanging out with a guy from her class a lot more than she was hanging out with me. I didn’t really take much notice of it, but it got to the point where even my friends were saying to me that I should be worried, so I asked her whether I should be worried about how much time they’re spending together. She assured me that no, I didn’t have anything to worry about at all. Even after I’d voiced my concerns to her, she continued to hang out with him even more and i once again voiced my concerns. She got pretty mad at me and we got into a heated discussion, through which I found out that he had told her to her face that he likes her. Now to me, this made me even more worried, because even though she knew that he liked her, she still hung out with him. Anyway, this continued for a few weeks in a vicious cycle, at the end of which I broke up with her. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vIBoQIbbF2LwLF2W8AmFyWGs4ZAuuyOw | axvam7 | {
"description": "seeing a therapist behind my GF's back",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Seeing A Therapist Behind My GF's back? | we're both 24 and been together for 2 years, and I just got promoted to a very stressful role in software sales in July and the amount of stress of having to hit targets/quotas per quarter is insane and it was giving me crazy anxiety and making me really sad. I've been feeling this way since I got into the software sales industry out of college because of having to hit quotas but now with the promotion its even more stress. But the thing is that I hold it all in from my GF, family and friends and I sometimes just cry in the shower. I don't want to seem weak to my GF and complain about my job to my parents so I just deal with it, but its been fucking me up mentally so badly.
I started seeing a therapist in December and its been helping a good amount, I've made some good progress and she has experience working with people dealing with high amounts of work stress. I get reminded of my appts, which are once a week for 1 hour by text message 24 hours in advance and on Sunday mid day my GF was over and I got the text reminder about my appt on monday at 4. My GF saw this and googled the name of the therapist and found everything out, when I was in the shower and when I got out she was furious for not telling her anything and going behind her back seeing a therapist and she was yelling at me a lot saying how could I keep this from her and calling me an ass for hiding it. I just broke down crying and apologized a lot saying I didn't know how to tell her but I was going to one day. She's been very dry and mad at me since and wants to take a break.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
46oIjfyyM4YzKK6ZKVxDJ11iZofE8Bnm | abqpgd | {
"description": "getting mad that my long distance bf didn't call me on NYE",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting mad that my long distance bf didn’t call me on NYE? | He says that he doesn’t care about NYE, or any holiday, or even his bday. Cool. No problem. I do though. We live 11 hours and an ocean apart right now, and have been doing the long distance dance around the world for two years. Different culture, but still in love?
I called him for New Years, he experienced it first, not because he asked me to (he didn’t even elude to the need) but because I wanted to be with him then. He was spending it low key at home by choice. He actually made me cry over Skype, prodding me about something else - he was clearly drunk - and then just left... the call. So, 11ish hours pass, and I’m next on the New Years countdown. He didn’t text me much all day, because he was asleep but even when awake, I sent him some snaps of my dinner (NYE is a big fam tradition in my culture) and he just curtly responded with pleasantries. Clock struck 12.... he wasn’t even around to say congrats, with a half hour delay to every whatsapp I sent. I am ignoring him today, because I’m so angry, but also over it, but mostly angry and not over it at all. So, am I the asshole for thinking the least he could do was give me a ring? It’s now the second of Jan, and we still haven’t talked, he’s sent two texts that I’ve ignored. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
yo6NHarBTPchBaWyelVDVTJPeuN5JB0Y | a5czu7 | {
"description": "telling my brother he, more than anyone, needs to help the family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my brother he, more than anyone, needs to help the family? | This one will need a little explanation. In my house, both of my parents works, while me, my older brother and my younger sister are students. Me and my sister are on high school while my older brother is on his last year at a very prestigious and expensive college (1/4 of the monthly household income goes to pay its monthly tuition).
Until 2 or 3 years ago my mother was responsible for doing all the housework on her own aside from her regular work. Then my father (he’s out at work almost all day long) told us that we needed to change that and that everyone should be cleaning their own mess and helping with cleaning the kitchen. So he proposed that everyone would (in addition to doing other stuff) be responsible for a day of the week (as an example: I would be responsible for every Monday and Friday, and my sister with Sunday) and everyone on the family agreed with their days. It was decided that me and my brother would have each 2 days of the week and everyone else would have 1 day of the week. This worked for the first two weeks or so then my sister and my brother started to “have something more important to do” so it would always end up with the person of the next day (usually me or my mom) cleaning stuff from the day before.
As it wasn’t working, this year we decided to change the schedules so everyone could have time for it. And those 2 still always had excuses almost every time and would only do it after my mom gets angry and started to scream at them. It worked with my sister but my brother would just go and sleep on his girlfriend’s house and comeback when it wasn’t his day anymore.
So, last night, my mom asked him to do something (I can’t remember what) but he didn’t and he and my mom started fighting because she said that he doesn’t help enough and that he should be helping more (he’s already at summer break) now that he got time and he responded saying that he helps just as much as everyone. Then I (i was in my bedroom at the moment) told him that he didn’t and we also started to fight. I’ve been pissed about the way he’s been acting for a long time and every time I saw my mother having to do his job I got more pissed. So last night I’ve finally told him that. I told him that he was being a terrible son because not only was he making the family pay a fortune for his education, he also never did anything that wasn’t about him and as he’s the more “expensive” son he should be working more than everyone in the house. After I said that he stopped arguing and shut up.
So today my mom said that he was very sad, that I hurt his feelings and that I shouldn’t have said those things. Now everyone is saying that I need to apologize to him. I said that he’s the one who needs to apologize for acting that way for so long, and they said I was being stubborn.
I would really like some insight on this situation.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
hcOTLzAMtzFcWJ7tAYCTTv45bPA1lG21 | b911h4 | null | AITA if my neighbours built their fences around me and I didn't pay for them? | Ok, so I just moved to a new subdivision, the houses are new construction and nobody really knows the neighbors. I am a first-time homeowner.
I am surrounded by houses on both sides and I share the back of my backyard with another neighbor. Because it is new construction, people move-in as their houses are built so everyone has moved in at different times of the year within the last year or so.
Our neighbor to the back (let's call him Bill) built his fence before I moved in. My two next door neighbors on either side (Sally on the right and Peter on the left) have installed fences after I moved in but, did so without communicating with me. I only knew fences were being installed when the contractors were literally making holes in the ground. Neither of the neighbor's fences is encroaching on my property so they didn't *need* to tell me about their plans. This leads to me currently having all three sides of my backyard surrounded by fences I did not pay for.
Now, I have a small dog and would like to to close off my yard so that she can enjoy being outside. This would require two very small pieces of fence that go from Sally and Peter's fences to either sides of my house. This closes off my backyard completely.
My question is, AITA if I talk to the neighbors (I would definitely have to ask) about attaching a small bit of fence to Sally and Peter's fences to finish surrounding property?
I feel like I might be taking advantage of the situation, but given they didn't even contact me to tell me they were building a fence, is it ok? I feel that if Sally and Peter cared about me paying for half of the fence that we share, then they should/would have at least told me about it, right? They could have easily asked me as I was already living in my house when they planned to install their fences.
​
AITA for taking advantage of my neighbors installing fences without consulting me/asking me to pay for my half?
​
(I'm not sure if it is ok to ask in this forum, please ignore if not allowed) -> Would they even ask me to pay them back if I do attach to their fence? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qPSSDTFA9T1qP0Zj4G1fCX6Tv0Bs6gnQ | agbemp | {
"description": "not tipping",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for not tipping? | The common defense of tipping is that it could go away if servers were paid a livable wage, but they're not, so we tip. In Minnesota (and other states, I'm sure), tipped positions still make minimum wage. Minneapolis, specifically, is on its way to a $15/hr minimum wage. The common defense of a $15/hr minimum wage is that all jobs deserve a livable wage. So, would I be an asshole for not tipping a server/delivery person/etc in Minneapolis? They're already making a livable wage, and significantly more than a server in other states(NE is under $3/hr). | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
NvFna22LaCxKj5BAljVr6BbwUBuppQ6U | b14fve | {
"description": "cutting off a friend for knowingly dating my stalker",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting off a friend for knowingly dating my stalker? | So in 10th grade, this guy from my school (we’ll call him R) found me from tumblr and started following me around school. It was kinda creepy, but I didn’t think much of it. But one day, R comes to school, guitar in one hand and a bouquet full of flowers in the other, surrounded by all his friends. They push me to the center of the quad area at school, in front of EVERYONE, and R starts performing a song he had written to ask me out on a date. I’m mortified. He, all his friends who helped orchestrate this, EVERYONE, is just STARING at me. Keep in mind, I hardly even knew who this guy was. He literally just found me online and started stalking me. I finally manage to say “um R. Can we talk privately?” I pull him aside and say that while I appreciate the song, I would rather just be friends. R got PISSED. He starts guilt tripping me saying stuff like “I set aside EVERYTHING to do this for you!” as if I EVER showed any romantic interest and as if I EVER even asked him to do any of that. But, R still accepts to just being my friend.
Except he didn’t treat me like his friend. From then on, R tried controlling every aspect of my life as if we were dating. He would get angry at me for hanging out with my friends and not him. He wanted me texting him at ALL times during the day and wouldn’t let me sleep just so I had more time to talk to him. if I fell asleep I would wake up to tons of angry messages asking where I was, calling me horrible names. He would stalk all of my social media so he could see if I was online and scream at me if I was and just not responding to him. I lost so much weight because of how stressed I was. I must have lost 5 days of sleep to avoid R’s awful, abusive messages. I had to start changing my route to my classes at school because if R ran into me, he would start berating at me right then and there, in front of everyone.
Finally, summer comes and I’m able to avoid R. I fled all my social media, remade, and blocked him on everything. The next school year comes, and I become really good friends with this girl we’ll call S. We ended up becoming best friends and we vented to each other often. Of course, R came up while we were talking and I told her everything and she was horrified that I had to go through something like that. Until a couple months later, S and R start dating??? I was floored. i kept telling S “I’m glad you’re happy, but I don’t really feel comfortable hanging out with you because of what R did”. S says “What did R even do to you?” I tried again and again to remind her what R did and that she was welcome to date him but I wasn’t sure if I could remain friends with her because of how much I feared for my own safety, but then after a couple weeks she would immediately forget what R had put me through. S and I started growing distant because of this, until finally, for my own mental health and well-being, I stopped talking to her.
TL;DR: AITA for cutting off a friend because she knowingly dated my stalker? | HISTORICAL | {
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REDKUPFMmjrPBVd0UsC5im3zWJphWimk | ab0aqu | null | AITA Close friend/brother Gf goes through all our messages on social media | AITA, So my closest friend who I would call my brother has a girlfriend who I don’t like already, although previous to this I have tried to deal with her and not make it obvious. One day while I was with my friend I noticed a notification on my phone from Snapchat, it ended up being his gf on his snap chat and I noticed she was in our snap messages reading everything. I told my friend I did not like this and would prefer if she would stay out of our messages if she was gonna log onto his Snapchat, he said okay but then it happened several more times, it doesn’t seem to bother him but I don’t like when another party is reading my personal
Messages that I didn’t intend them to read. So I told him I’m blocking him on snap and Instagram until he tells her to stop going through and reading our message. I feel like my privacy is being violated and don’t like it at all. AITA and should get over it, or right ? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
30Z1OEYc4f1FeEYtqznITIKGvQbDw3EU | atwx86 | {
"description": "telling an old friend that I think their new friends are arseholes the way I did",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling an old friend that I think their new friends are arseholes the way I did? | This was in a conversation intended to make me understand our past squabbles a little because it has been bothering me for a while. It was late at night and over the phone (she'd refused to see me in person) so we were both rather tired. I was trying to explain to her how it upset me that she'd chosen people who had wronged her over me. The conversation was a little like this.
She: Well, I think x is a very nice person.
Me: <I was tired and this was sort of a reflex> Hmm.
She: WHAT? GO ON!
Me: It doesn't matter.
She: Then don't say anything! If you're not going to follow it up then don't fucking say anything!
Me: I'm tired and it was an accident. I understand, I'm sorry.
She: Well you've got to say it now.
Me: Fine! It's just I know a lot about what x has done to people and I don't think x is a nice person at all, okay?
She then flipped out at me over my choice of words, being "I know a lot". She got really aggressive, mocked the way I said it, claimed it was unusual behaviour because I was just pretending to know a lot when I really don't. She then said it implies that I think I know more than her or that I have the full picture, which in both cases would be wrong, and it apparently also implies that I go around gathering info for the sake of condemning people like some sort of creep. According to her I've said this before without following it up with anything substantial and she finds it unnerving and annoying.
I was really taken aback and a little hurt by what she said. It would have been easy to bite back, but instead I took a moment to catch my breath before responding calmly but sternly.
Me: I don't think I know more than you, though I might, nor do I think I have the full picture, I don't even think it's possible for anyone to. It's just that I do know a lot about this because my friends -- who have been hurt by this person -- have vented to me about it and I like to support my friends when they're hurt. I don't follow it up because being considered trustworthy comes with the responsibility of not spilling the stuff they tell me. I don't see the full picture, you're right, but I see enough of the pain they've caused to know that I think they're an arsehole and I want nothing to do with them. Is that reasonable?
She stammered for a moment before conceding that perhaps it was, but I can't help but feel that by having unintentionally provoked her I was the arsehole in this situation. Any idea? Thanks. | HISTORICAL | {
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cj5Ztp06313b0HclgmZwIis1c7vNQMnL | alybvr | {
"description": "letting a female walk home 11pm after work because she reeks of cigarettes",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA- letting a female walk home 11pm after work because she reeks of cigarettes? | So Tuesday it was raining and I saw someone walking home from my office. I have never even seen her until this point, but I knew she just came out of my office so I offer her a ride. She smelled like such an old dirty ashtray that I was gagging. Before she got out of the car, she asked me if I could pick her up on the way (Wednesday), I said no and explained I was really sensitive to the cigarette smell. She said she understood. Wednesday after work she runs up to me and tells me she hasn't smoked all night if I can give her a ride.. my dumbass didn't smell her. She now reeked of too much perfume and cigarettes... So tonight she approached me AGAIN about giving her a ride and I flat out refused. She started yelling because I'm expected a female to walk home alone after 11pm (which was what she had to be before Tuesday) and that she's literally on the way (I drive past her driveway). AITA for not giving her a ride so late when I go directly past her house?? We live in FL so it's not snowing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jsi23tk5ZS0P4ODe3e0jv4aBTfUd2JSs | ao8q6e | {
"description": "wanting to set boundaries for my in-laws",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to set boundaries for my in-laws | My wife and I are moving near her parents in the next coming month and while I love my in-laws they are very pushy and are almost expecting that we be over there everyday. I want to set boundaries telling them that we will not be over there every day or have my son over there everyday. They need to understand that we are our own family and have our own time. The other day my wife told me her mother asked if it was okay for her father to mow the lawn so it looked similar to his. So AITA for wanting my own boundaries while living near my in-laws. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1mi1b8Mys8CSiA9buMyoqn7khKFOxQSx | agsut8 | {
"description": "getting mad at my ex for allowing guy friends to \"jokingly\" slap her butt",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For getting mad at my ex for allowing guy friends to "jokingly" slap her butt | So I dated this girl a while back and it was great and all, however there was one thing I always couldnt stand. So she went to school at a local community college and would hangout in the game room in her free time. Fine whatever, do you, but she said at the very beginning of the relationship that sometimes her guy friends would slap her butt while they're playing pool or something like that. Immediately I was caught off guard because who does that with their friend who is a girl. Anyway I kind of brushed it off but at the same time deep down I knew it would bother me if I saw it. Fast forward a few months we have a fight cause of this situation and she is saying things like why cant you just be okay with it, things like that. I said something along the lines of if I were there and saw that happen that I would get mad possibly fight the dude if a guy slaps my girlfriends ass in front of me. Her response was, they wouldn't do that in front of you. I said if they wouldn't do it in front of me they know better than to do it behind my back.
Long story short im not entirely sure how many times this happened in our relationship, however whenever I asked her about it or maybe even sway her into seeing it my way she would kind of just be like why cant you just be okay with this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
FrEjOQTvB0yrAf7FNkIGkLeXgoFiaz9k | ae0fil | null | Aitah.. ?? Friends who are rude and wont take your side.. | So .. this is 2 parts both issues wondering who is the AH..
The background..a girl I work with lets call her "felicia" who we hang occasionally and have mutual friends and are friendly at work and have gone to lunch before .. and a good friend let's call her "bangs" that I hang with regularly..
I ask felicia to go to lunch with me this week at a restuarant a friend of mine works at... I actually invited 4 other people as well.. anyway, she starts making excuses and then says that she has no plans but doesnt want to come ... it hurt my feelings.. like so you would rather just do nothing then spend an hour with me .. ok .. and she tries to be like while their food doesnt work for my diet, I'm a moody eater and might not want to eat there that day.. whatever .. anyway .. aitah for having my feelings hurt? Cause now it is literally a big deal in our friend group with everyone taking sides and acting like I'm a jerk for being mad at her for hurting my feelings ...
Part 2 .. my best girl friend in the group said she refuses to take sides .. I told her I didnt ask her to take sides but now that shes said it that way I'm pissed .. she is better friends with me so I feel like she should take my side ...grrrrrr.. so we had a big fight and she thinks I should apologize ... seriously?
Help!!!!! Be honest and tell me why I'm the AH in all this ... | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | WRONG |
p4eAZBaO5zhDHK9NnEo26NaRr5Tpxecn | asu2mh | {
"description": "retaliating against ex-friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for retaliating against ex-friends? | I had to cut this down a lot.
New Year's 2017, my ex (A) broke up with me right before a party we planned. They broke up with me with their boyfriend (B) in the room (polyamory), even though I begged A not to involve him. At the time, it was because I was clingy and overly jealous of B which I agree was an issue.
A month before, they and our mutual friends C and D all made a group behind my back "for a safe space away from me to talk about my issues". They never told me what issues they had.
B and his friends were shit talking me at school and my sadness turned into anger. I was in a server to talk to other friends and move on, and my first overly questionable thing happens. I was in our vent channel, and I drew me stabbing B to death. B came to me later about how I threatened to kill him. I was confused on how he found it, since I shared that where he shouldn't have seen it. I found out that C was leaking the logs of that chat.
A B and C would continue to vent about me on Vent (a social media app for talking about your emotions) with aggressive posts about how "abusive" I was, until about April 2017. As far as I knew.
Between then and now, we had a few good conversations. I still had anxiety seeing them.
April 2018: I got a job at a hardware store, and it turns out A was hired the day I came in for orientation. I had an anxiety attack. I vented about it and told my friends about it.
Later, A informed me that them, B, C, and D moved in together. A, B, and C started dating.
I was discussing plans w/ D to get my pal Z out of his impoverished home, but D went radio silent on the both of us. However, he was constantly posting art with the rest of the house.
A week later, I get a desperate call from Z.
D broke up with Z because "he was an abuser", and now everyone in that house is fuckin. I. Was. Angry. They pulled the exact same shit on Z that they did me.
B messages me, saying I'm "getting myself involved with someone who will strip me of all my money". I call his BS, and he starts sending me screenshots of Z and B saying "shit" about me. All the things said in those screenshots were things Z's issues that have been handled.
I check his Tumblr, and it turns out he was talking about my vents.
I proceed to make a vent that says, "How can you say I'm not over it when you guys are stalking me?" Then brand new accounts made that day comment, made by A and B to rant at me. Are you kidding me?
Z and I start looking through the accounts and they all were talking shit for a long time now.
It became a war, me flinging their hypocrisies and questions at them, while they sling insults.
It came to a climax of me posting a joke OC on my deviantART, making fun of B's horrible art, all of them getting engaged after a month, and their behavior. B sent me death threats.
I reported the death threats to work.
All of them have been posting shit since saying I'm a dumb lazy whore.
To put it simply, AITA for retaliating? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | WRONG |
YYFR2Kz9C70Df2dpdq0Q2haq3X1roXuJ | arhmv8 | {
"description": "walking out on my boyfriend and our friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for walking out on my boyfriend and our friends? | My bf (43 M) - we'll call him Jack - and I (42 F) have been together 2 years. We have a good relationship but communication is not always one of our strengths.
A little background information: I have a teenage daughter who recently witnessed a violent crime. She already has mental health issues, and was already suicidal, so this violent crime caused a pretty serious exacerbation in her condition. Raising kids is hard enough without mental illness, but you add an exacerbation like that into the mix, and I needed a friend to talk to.
Jack and I spent the afternoon today with his sister, and I was talking to her about the situation, how we were dealing with my daughter, and how I was handling everything. Jack interrupted me several times during the conversation, took over and changed the conversation to something completely different, excluding me from it completely, and then got mad when I got upset with him. Then he came over and tried to give me a kiss to "make up", but he sat on my bad knee (partially torn meniscus and bone spurs) and got mad when I pushed him away and told him to get off me (he's 6'0", 280lbs).
We went home, I iced me knee for a little bit, and we went to our friends' house for dinner and to see our god-daughter. We weren't there more than 10-15 minutes before I started talking to our friend - we'll call her Dori - about the situation. Jack stopped playing with our god-daughter and interrupted our conversation from across the room twice in order to tell stories that were completely unrelated to what Dori and I were talking about. After the second time, I got fed-up and said that I was tired of being interrupted, that I was leaving, and that he could call me when he was ready to come home. He said "Fine then, be a bitch about it".
I've been called worse things in my life, but this was a conversation that was important to me, and I felt disrespected every time he interrupted me. That made five times just this afternoon, that he stopped me from talking about this situation that, quite frankly could end my daughter's life if she doesn't recover from the worsened suicidality, and I didn't feel I deserved to be called a bitch when I called him out on it. He says I shouldn't have walked out on our friends, that I should have just accepted his apology immediately and stayed for dinner as planned (we were having soup and garlic bread. Nothing fancy).
So what do you think? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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iOFioBuWRKHayqd87bh7RaiVPbrHUEBs | ax7fn9 | {
"description": "continuing to emotionally favor my father over my abusive mother, years down the road",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for continuing to emotionally favor my father over my abusive mother, years down the road? | My parents went through a nasty divorce when I was 12. My mother cheated on my father, then kicked him out of the house. My mom has bipolar disorder and anger problems. She physically and emotionally abused me badly from 12-22, when I finally was able to leave the country to get away from her and thus not see her for holidays, etc where, even when I was an adult, she would find an excuse to berate and hit me.
I still suffer from Complex-PTSD due to the abuse, which was life threatening at times. This continues to affect my day to day life. I have been on 12 different psychiatric meds, have had other trauma imposed on me in part due to this abuse, and I have dashed any and all hope of starting my own family in fear of continuing the cycle.
A few years later, I am planning my first trip home to see my family with my husband. My mom wants to make sure she sees me more than my dad does, and says she's afraid I'll "blow her off" to spend time with him, and is angry that I "always take his side". She feels "disregarded". I told her that the only reason she perceives favoritism from me towards my father is due to the lack of abuse in that relationship.
She is angry and says I'm "raking her over the coals" for what she's done. And she guilts me by saying that "those parts of the past bring up guilt and regret for me" and "I've been punished enough". She really does feel that I am unnecessarily punishing her for what she's done and that I should forgive her and never mention it again. Which I would do, and I have forgiven her (to her face) to an extent, but there are nonetheless lasting consequences, one of them being I prefer spending time with my father. I still am not safe from harm with my mother as an adult, so I find it hard to get as excited about seeing her.
She has helped me with lots of things in my life, despite the abuse, and continues to do so. She feels angry that she doesn't get "credit" for this, although I always thank her profusely and try to help her whenever I can as well.
I don't know what to say to her about this - I genuinely can't tell if I am the asshole for not completely forgiving and forgetting, and if my preference for spending time with my father is an insult to my mother or if it's just conditioning.
tldr; Am I the asshole for wanting to spend more time with my father because of my mother's abuse during my childhood? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
J6zQToUqof4TtYBz7YtGqXh0mmYynRPx | aseqoc | {
"description": "hanging up on someone with an accent I couldn't understand",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I hung up on someone with an accent I couldn't understand? | I've been shopping for cars. Took a test drive recently with a salesman with a very thick accent who was hard to understand. I didn't end up wanting the car and am still looking. I called a different dealership recently to ask about a different car and realized as I held for someone in the sales department that I was hoping that the person didn't have a thick accent. Then I wondered what I would do if they did -- would I be an asshole if they answered the phone and had a difficult to understand accent and I just hung up and tried again?
&#x200B;
This is on the heels of recently trying to report a warranty issue with a phone and the cell phone rep had such a thick accent that the entire call was me saying, "excuse me? could you please repeat that?" It was miserable and took twice as long. Then something ended up being wrong but instead of telling her, I wrapped up the call and called back (I got someone else with an accent but I could understand him so it was no problem).
Context: I am a mid-thirties female who is fairly well traveled (visited 27 countries) and love other cultures. But if I'm completing a transaction with complicated information, I really want to be able to understand the person I'm working with.
So, asshole or no? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CFE2SDBNYUiXMaUXFLe7OKjd9VvrlJYD | b9ut0n | {
"description": "not leaving with my mom to be with my dying grandpa so I can work instead",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not leaving with my mom to be with my dying grandpa so I can work instead | Hey guys!
Some background info: My grandfather is 88 and we are not super close. He was not a particularly great man to his family and actually refused to acknowledge me and my brother until we were 6 years old. I care about my grandfather, but none of this situation is making me tearful or particularly sad. When I've gone to visit my grandfather with my mom it is mostly as a show of support for her, as I know she has a lot of mixed emotions about him dying and dealing with her family has been hell.
I currently live with my father in my parents' hometown, where my grandfather is dying in a skilled nursing facility. My mom lives 2 hours away. Both of them are married they just live apart. My childhood friends are where my mom is, so I head there on weekends/breaks from classes to hang out with them and work for my friend in retail for some extra cash. I usually carpool with whomever is going that way because it doesn't usually make sense to take two cars.
This particular weekend I went with my mom back with the intention of staying all week and I agreed to work for my friend until saturday evening. My dad was going to come up this way later on in the week and I was going to go back with him.
Late last night my mom got the call that my grandfather is actively dying and she wanted to leave immediately. I chose not to go with her because of plans I've already made and because I don't want to leave my friend high and dry on a saturday. I could have texted her but knowing her, she was probably asleep. So now the plan is that my dad is driving out my way saturday just to drive back with me the next day which I know is inconvenient.
I feel bad that I am making my dad drive out to come grab me, but also feel justified because I made my schedule long before and would feel bad about ditching my friend on a busy day. I know she would understand, but I don't want to put her in a shitty position either. I want to support my mom, but he is not my father and it's not MY uncomfortable feelings about his passing to handle.
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
VCvqaPC8Wa3lCa35NfscKlDCyqm5V0LG | aeayya | null | AITA for the stance I am taking? | This happened recently, but has also come up on other occasions.
For personal reasons, I don't really like being in the presence of drunk, stoned, or otherwise intoxicated individuals. I have made this clear to my SO when we began dating a while back. I told my SO how I felt about these kinds of things, among some other issues which have come up.
Recently, my SO has been wanting to smoke, knowing full well how I feel about it. I reminded them I am not comfortable with kind of stuff which has led to a struggle in our relationship, but hopefully not an end.
AITA for, essentially, disliking and not wanting my SO to do these certain things? I know it is probably selfish (its their life, they can do what they want), but I made it full well and clear how I felt about these things long ago when we started dating. Am I in the wrong for upholding how I felt then, and how I still feel? Would it be wrong for this to be a reason for us not working out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jW50LGODtPGWFfeGzrOVtnT2WsiWpdxV | 9vgjlq | {
"description": "checking a bag and making a joke",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for checking a bag and making a joke? | A little background first. I'm a cashier at a electronic store that also sells accessories. This black guy is checking out with me. He has just finished paying when, as company policy tells me to do, I check his bag. We do this because we have a theft problem. At the end of this check I joke around that he is "free of contraband". He completely changes from a passive, fun, calm personality to a furious customer. He says that I racially profiled him and that I am a racist that he should beat up. Security was right next to me so this thankfully was avoided. He proceeded to chew out my manager about me. My manager backed me up but the guy was still pissed and just left the store swearing at him and me. Am I the asshole for making that comment? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rTL1iKN5zkPTMcxRbVaktajgGEVZuZ3c | aryrdq | {
"description": "wanting my bf to make a big deal for my 30th",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my BF to make a big deal for my 30th? | I know he isn't a planner or someone who would normally organize something like this, but we've been together for 2+ years, it's my 30th, and when we had been together less than a year, I threw a surprise cookout for his 30th with friends and planned and cooked for a week. I just thought he would want to help make my birthday special too, especially when I explained how much it meant to me. He says it isn't how he was raised and they never did much for birthdays. He did just plan Valentine's which was a wonderful handmade dinner at home with candles, so I know he is capable of the effort and I would really appreciate anything that he planned or any effort put in. Last year, he told me he'd make a new VDAY tradition of planning little surprises and date nights and I think we went on 5-6 dates all year (most planned and paid by me) :(
I just want to feel like I'm special to him, even if it is something that he wouldn't care about so much! Am I expecting too much? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PMaEDI75iuklnvsVernlUPAUU6xZqdqD | axl7ub | {
"description": "not wanting to look after a drunk friend when going out",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to look after a drunk friend when going out? | So I (18F) invited my two good friends (also 18F) to go to a frat party (I know disgusting, I get it) Friday night. When my one friend drinks, she acts very much like a stereotypical drunk girl, not sure how much is due to actually being drunk or her just really playing into it, regardless, she is quite a handful. So when I invited them I explicitly said that I did not want to be looking after anyone all night and my other friend agreed as last time we both kind of ruined our night looking after/worrying about drunk friend wandering off and being wild.
Drunk friend said that we find her too wild no matter what and just not to worry about her the whole night and let her do her thing. We explained we will worry if she gets as drunk as last time as a 5’ intoxicated girl alone in a random frat isn’t a good mix. We suggested that she not to drink as much but she took offense and got salty. So she’s not coming and she is kinda pissed about it. I understand where she is coming from but she could just not drink as much or behave better.
Were we being rude when pointing out that she is a lot to handle when drunk ? Should we have just insisted she come anyway?
TLDR: told my good friend not to be a silly drunk (she usually is) when we go out as I didn’t want to worry about someone all night. She took offense and isn’t coming out with us anymore. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Sqg4W9Burop7C3KNZuqf5Rb7NJpbVNxQ | ayias2 | {
"description": "wanting a divorce from my wife because she has a crush on her coworker",
"pronormative_score": 122,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for wanting a divorce from my wife because she has a crush on her coworker? | About a month ago my wife asked me if I'm ever willing to try an open relationship. We jokingly talked about this and she told me that she kinda had someone in mind. A very attractive co-worker that reminds her of her fantasy from teen years. She jokingly told me that she wants him to wreck her. I was super pissed because it wasn't just a jokey hypothetical, and that she had a guy in mind.. she gets flustered anytime we go out when he chats her up. All of her girlfriends and female co-workers lust after him and act like it's not a big deal to want to fuck him.
She immediately felt bad and has apologized many times since and I feel awful for making her feel this bad but goddamn I'm hurt. We talked a few times and she mentioned that he was just a guy that she fantasized about and I'm the real one. She keeps saying that he's her perfect physical specimen and that's pretty much the only reason. She mentioned that it's akin to guys watching porn.
I told her that I can't really be around her and mentioned that I think this relationship has fizzled out. She was willing to cut him out of her group of friends and won't interact with him outside of work. I'll give her points for honesty and being open with me. But something just changed for me. She views him as a physical specimen who's charming and lusts after him and it really hurt.
Tldr: AITA for wanting to not be around my wife for admitting that she crushes after him.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 103,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 19,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 122,
"WRONG": 13
} | RIGHT |
YkaiLdqcDZ973iEJpVv7xxVyJ85A1pIl | a1w5nv | {
"description": "telling one of my suite mates that I don't want to eat with her",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling one of my suite mates that I don't want to eat with her? | So I (20 M) live with three other people (20 F, 20 F, and 18 F) in a suite. The four of us generally get along pretty well and I get along super well with my roommate. She and I are in year 3 of living together. We're all STEM majors except for the youngest one and she is also the only one of us who's vegan. I don't necessarily mind the fact she's a vegan at all, except that eating with her becomes really really tiresome because it quickly becomes a lecture about morality, how she's doing less damage, you're a terrible person for eating meat, etc etc. Basically, you can't just enjoy a meal together because she has to say something.
She's also tried to lecture me over my insect collection for entomology. I'm currently enrolled in entomology and hope to go to grad school for it. The collection required me to kill and pin insects, and she kept telling me how cruel it is, their blood is on my hands (never mind the fact insects have hemolymph, not blood, which I wanted to tell her but did not because I figured it wouldn't help), etc etc. as if I enjoyed the action of having to kill 40+ insects to display their dead bodies. I had to do it for a grade. How else do you think they get insects you see pinned and displayed like in museums and insectariums?
Whenever she used to ask to eat with me, I'd make up some lie about how I was waiting for someone already or I had to leave soon anyway. But I've had a rough month and this time I straight-up told her no because I wasn't in the mood for a lecture about my meal. I also told her I'm fine with her being vegan, but her guilt-tripping and lectures on morality are seriously getting old fast and makes being around her something I don't enjoy. AITA for telling her I don't want to eat with her and why? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ijhGWqKKbfzsa8BOzrjRJjXdZUQRa1ob | b16j5p | {
"description": "getting upset over having to clean",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset over having to clean? | So I(23) live with my family and recently my sister and her husband moved in with us with their brand new baby while they close on a house to buy. I rarely spend time at home, I work and i go out and really am only here mostly to sleep, shower, and on the weekends when I spend mornings with them.
My stepbrother is a teacher so he's gonna from like 7am-5pm and my sister stays at home with the baby.
Before they moved in, our house was pretty clean. My brother is 15 and he's at school all day and when he's not, he's in his room. My stepdad and Mom work all day so since the house is almost always empty everything was always tidy.
Ever since they moved in it's been much, much messier. They cook often and don't wash the dishes right away, the share my bathroom with me and now we only have one bathroom because my sister fell in the other tub and broke it with her knee so they have to get it fixed.
I have cleaned the bathroom/bathtub the last 3 times they've needed to be cleaned mostly because I feel gross in it knowing no one else has cleaned it. I rarely wash dishes unless I use then since I don't cook and am hardly home.
Today is my 1 day off from work, I worked the last 6 days straight and I was looking forward to literally just vegging out in my bed. My mom called me to ask if he could put away/wash the dishes and clean the bathroom. I'm really annoyed because the dishes are not mine and I've cleaned the bathroom every time it's needed to be cleaned since they moved in.
I'm going to do it regardless bc it's gross but my mom knows I complain about it and she says I need to help because I also live here and this house isn't a hotel. I understand that but I also don't feel like it's my responsibility to clean after them :/ I don't mind cleaning especially the bathroom but it's just so annoying that I'm expected to do it. I'd feel much better about it if it was asked of me as a favor rather than being expected of me.
So am I the asshole for being annoyed? I get they have a brand new baby but the difference from how clean our house used to be to how it is now is astounding. It's frustrating to be in a house so messy which is another reason why I'm not around often.
I guess I'd just like to know if I'm being a dick for being upset with them even though they have a new baby. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cUD0stDNMVwohY7aU62CB37ZIkLT3gkr | a386cy | {
"description": "reporting my manager for a whole bunch of shit, if he gives me a bad review",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I report my manager for a whole bunch of shit, if he gives me a bad review? | So I'm changing to a new division, and my manager is giving me a final review. In the past, he gave me positive reviews. But then, he put me on duties that don't match my job function.
I have a degree from a good university and a pretty tough-to-get professional license for a specific type of job. This manager is has a degree in a different but semi-related field. For no reason at all, he put me on jobs in his field, rather than my own. He holds me up to his standards. Not only do I hate the field, but his standards are unfair. He works 60-70 hours a week and I did not sign up or that kind of job.
He has been giving me lower reviews because of lower performance. I deserve those reviews because I legitimately cannot perform the job very well, because it's literally not my job. The reviews, while lower, are still fair, I won't get in trouble or anything.
I recently found out I'm changing divisions, and doing my old job. Very excited. But he angrily / begrudgingly asked me to send another review request for my final month on this current job.
I have a strong feeling he will give me a negative review that will impact my job.
---
There are a few things I kept secret from upper management. This manager is not a nice person, but I hate causing trouble. He has been sexist towards me, he refuses to help me when I needed it, he yelled at me because he was angry at his personal life. He was racist towards me as well, he is white and I'm not. And he has made me feel inadequate more than once.
But I sucked it up because making him happy equates to getting high reviews. As I said, he was a dick, but he still gave good reviews, so I forgave him.
However, now my job reputation's on the line. If he gives me a bad review here, I intend on complaining to upper management about all of these things I've been holding back (and being honest and saying that I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to cause trouble, but I'm bringing it up now because I feel he gave an unfair review).
If he gives me an OK review, I'll let it go. If he throws me under the bus, I'm dragging him with me.
WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PTjscmmzowkSNCOXctryYOTo2U0WpcT9 | a3bq8p | {
"description": "having the family of a kid with autism thrown out of a coffee shop",
"pronormative_score": 54,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for having the family of a kid with autism thrown out of a coffee shop? | So I was eating alone at a coffee shop the other night. Please note that I am generally a reserved and quiet person who always minds my own business, but I am very observant of my surroundings. I was on my laptop, wearing earphones, and doing some work. After about 20 minutes, I noticed a family enter the coffee shop. Both the mom and the dad looked like they were in their mid-30s, while the kid looked like he was no more than 10 years old. I actually even smiled at them when they got in. Not to be judgmental, but I kinda got the vibe that the dad was a prick because he lightly shoved the kid when they sat on the table.
The problem started when the parents left their kid at the table while they were ordering. The kid straight up unplugged my earphones from the jack violently and pulled the entire thing from me. I simply smiled, and politely told him "Hey kid, I kinda need my earphones for work." He then threw it at me. I shrugged it off, suspecting he may be on the autism spectrum (not sure about the politically term).
I never meant to eavesdrop on them, but I heard the mom and dad arguing about serious stuff (I heard the mom accusing the dad of cheating on her). It was one of those room voice arguments coupled with big hand gestures so you know it's intense.
The whole time, the kid was playing in front of my table. I was trying really hard to ignore them so I could focus on my work, but then he spilled his drink on my phone and laptop. I was sure the dad saw it, but he just gave a smug smile. I then turned to him and said, "Sir, your kid spilled his drink on my laptop." I was then shocked because instead of apologizing, he even laughed and said, "Yeah? Well dry it with a napkin." The mom did not say anything, but also had a smug smile.
This really angered me because I could have lost all the work I was doing. I approached the manager and told her about the incident. She then asked the family to leave (the kid was crying nonstop at this point). The dad argued with her and gave me the finger, but then I was also so angry that I cursed back at him. The mom even called me a jerk for having a kid with autism kicked out (that was the first time I confirmed he has autism). The kid then tried to come near me (I think to apologize), but the dad dragged him back. I even got up and did a slow clap while they were leaving.
In retrospect though, I felt really bad for the kid for being stuck with such parents. So, AITA in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 54,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 54,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
ZX7UfV72y5hsuVYJYxvATYoZgklL25Gx | ax5i17 | {
"description": "almost running over and killing a skateboarder",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for almost running over and killing a skateboarder? | Ok so I'm doing about 40 coming off of my home street onto the avenue that leads to the freeway. Im alerted by my sister suddenly that someone is in the road, and sure enough there was. Only it wasnt a jaywalker or someone else just trying to get across. It was a skateboarder. And where else to be than in the MIDDLE lane. And its not like its an out of the way street either. At NO point is there NOT a car on this road so this is some entitled shit right here.
So I'm behind him trying to get passed and he starts swerving in and out of lanes. He then looks back at me and raises an incredulous arm like im some sort of prick and proceeds to immediatly wipe out HARD directly in front of my speeding car.
I BARELY managed to swerve out of his way and for one incredibly surreal moment lock eyes with him as my tire misses his head on the road by INCHES. Now that I think of it its amazing the back wheels didnt tear him to shreds. I only got a glimpse of him in my rearview to see he had managed to hobble out of the street in order to avoid the cars behind me.
Am i some sort of cunt, or does this guy deserve the Darwin Award? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Pjg5xgOz149SRoQpx38z07RJbff5DtNs | aj3fuc | {
"description": "telling the girl I love that I'm an option",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 39
} | AITA for telling the girl I love that I'm an option? | There is a girl in my dorm at school who is amazing. She's funny, smart, and beautiful but she's also very introverted and the kind of girl who likes to stay in rather than go out drinking and partying. We both are history nerds and really connected on that level when we met. We have interesting and deep talks whenever we see each other in the dorm. We had a class together in the fall and worked on a group project together and she laughed at all my jokes and put a smiling emoji in every text she sent me. She would meet up with me without makeup and in pajamas so I could tell she's comfortable around me in a way she isn't around other people. I have really fallen for her and over winter break I decided that I was going to make it known that I was interested.
The thing is, she has a boyfriend, but I can tell he isn't right for her. He's very into the fraternity scene (a multicultural frat that is known for out of control parties and hazing). He's loud and talks to other girls in the dorm all the time. He constantly gets into loud political arguments with people and basically doesn't know the meaning of civility. He's basically the opposite of this girl and I can tell they aren't a good match. Once she even told me that he was dragging her out to a bar and she was nervous about it because, like I said, it's not her scene. She was wearing lots of makeup too which is just not her genuine self.
So I finally decided I was going to tell her that I'm an option, and let her make her choice. I just sent her a message confessing how I felt and letting her know that I'm open to being with her. I didn't put any pressure on her, I just wanted her to know. She didn't respond politely, she got mad and told me to fuck off. I sent a few more messages but let it drop, but then her boyfriend showed up at my room and told me to leave her alone, which seems like over the top behavior from a guy who can't stand not being in control of every situation.
I was just trying to give her another option but now she won't speak to me. AITA just for putting it out there that I had feelings for her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 39,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 39
} | WRONG |
PV0rVSpVFdKPgf3oi0h6NUHSVP1gtIFT | as5wrt | {
"description": "ratting on someone to the police who just gave me a $20 tip",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ratting on someone to the police who just gave me a $20 tip? | A little background: I am a spray tan tech at a salon and just secured a weekly client. This client (we’ll call her K) came in for her 2nd spray tan this evening. She’s a little rough around the edges, but a very pleasant lady and I enjoy our conversation. As she was paying today, she gave me a $20 tip, which is the most anyone has ever tipped me. I was floored and it made me tear up a little. However, as K was leaving in her vehicle, she flat out rammed some other poor girls car and left the scene, almost hitting another car as well. I didn’t see this happen, but two other customers did, and came in to let us know what had happened. They saw her walk out of the salon. When they described her to me, as well as her car, I knew exactly who she was. (Descriptively, there’s no mistaking her.) The girl who’s car was hit was still in the salon, so I told her when she came out to the lobby and went out to look at the damage with her. There wasn’t too much damage, but I told her I had the info if she needed to make a police report/insurance claim. She called her mom, who insisted that she make a police report. The officer then came into the salon and asked for K’s info, so I gave it to him.
I feel awful for being part of getting her into trouble. I’m sure she will probably be charged for this. I feel conflicted and if she knows it was me who gave her info, I’m sure I will lose her as a client. Did I do the right thing, or am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hLs6Xta4xJ9ujkJhQO6VHlzGAdoj12i3 | b71w4k | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends anymore with my ex fwb/best guy friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends anymore with my ex fwb/best guy friend? | So I’ll try to make this as short as possible with giving as much info as I can. I met this guy-we will call him John- about 5 years ago when we were 16. John and I are similar in every way. I’m the girl version of him. Sarcastic and friendly. We tried dating once and he handled that badly by saying I wouldn’t be good enough for him. (Should have read that as a warning)
So fast forward to July of this year (we worked at the same place together for 2 years) During those two years we hooked up on many occasions. Later I started to fall in love with him and I finally said something in July and he told me he has a girlfriend and that and I quote: “you’re looking for someone to lean on because your mom has cancer” he was the only person who was there for me in a hard time.
Fast forward to today: his dad was recently given two to six months to live with cancer and he texted me and asked me if we could hang out and I respectfully declined and told him I don’t want to go down that road. He said I’m being inconsiderate and that I only care about myself. So AITA for not wanting to be friends with him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mPC95nSswW84SCZstgIwggn8DWHl1XFn | advr44 | {
"description": "not letting my brother try to make me make back down from an argument by pretending to intimidate me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my brother try to make me make back down from an argument by pretending to intimidate me | My grandmother passed away suddenly about 2 months ago, it was a very heartbreaking process and it took its toll on everyone. As we were walking through her house my mom told me and my brother separately that we both can have her tv, initially when I found out the mix up I said he can have it, then the next day as we were packing everything up he didn’t show up and texted 4 hours after we started that he got too high and couldn’t make it. I was incredibly mad about that and told him then he doesn’t just get the tv now because I had to move it and he left my mom and I out to dry during this emotional time. He threw a fit but I just ignored it. Cut to 3 days ago at the celebration of life for her. He tells me mom told him he could have it and to it move for him because he’s not strong enough to pick it up, I said no she didn’t say shit about her tv at what essentially her moms wake (confirmed) and he’s just being a prick and we will talk about tomorrow or just another time, and that this was an inappropriate. He drops his shoulder and walks through me and says no let’s go ask mom, I say again no we aren’t going and arguing and who gets the tv in front of our family now. He takes a step into me and gets nose to nose and says, “don’t get in my face” he’s a bitch and I have 80lbs of muscle on him, I took the bait and walked him out of the room face to face into a wall saying, “I’m in your face” over and over again, when we got to the wall he tried to push me away with his chin and it caught my teeth, no one saw any of it but the last seconds. Now I look like a crazy person who bit him in the face. I know I shouldn’t have taken the bait but the repeated disrespect and entitlement made to angry to also let him try to physically intimidate me. My dad tried to scream at me and ironically got in my face while doing so, so I refused to apologize in the moment. My mom knows us and believes my side of the story and but he still took the tv. My dad hasn’t responded to me since, neither has my brother. I tried explaining everything to him but I didn’t tell him about the getting too high to help part (parents are divorced for a while and he doesn’t approve of weed while my mom is the plug) because if I did he wouldn’t help my brother with his school anymore. He is paying for my last 2 semesters as well because my scholarship ran out, don’t add a second major in 8th semester kids unless you REALLY hated the first one, but he hasn’t sent me the money I need for books, I’m getting a job, I quit working which I had don’t since I was 13 at dads request since he was going to be giving me money for these last 3 semesters (from an education fund my grandpa set up for all the grandkids) and my girlfriend who I live with is a neuro icu nurse so I’ll be fine, worst comes to worse small student loans. So am I the asshole? I know I shouldn’t have taken the bait but I had been drinking and that was just the last straw. Also he texted my girlfriend after, “maybe you should be better in the bedroom and your boyfriend wouldn’t be trying to get kinky with other people” unprompted | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
N04AwYE3N7uhZRuZaV4rP7esoIdbw4oO | alippu | {
"description": "taking my ps4 with me to my GF's house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking my PS4 with me to my GF’s house? | To clarify, my girl and I bought it together and are happy to have bought it. However my sister who lives with me says I cannot do that because she wants to play it and I NEED to share it. She justifies it by saying she’s bought me food and stuff before in the past and also brings up how she used to drive me to high school and back. AITA?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
B9ckip7MWKm70zfjUefjchlM5inZKw7Q | b4cfgs | {
"description": "bring upset my boyfriend said no to attending a work event of mine",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for bring upset my boyfriend said no to attending a work event of mine? | I teach middle school and about once a year I invite my boyfriend to an event. Wednesday, I asked my boyfriend to attend a play my students were acting in, and we never really came to a clear decision.
It's Friday and he just got home from work as I am leaving. He told me he didn't want to go. We got into a fight and I stormed out. As I went to drive off I felt bad and went back in to apologise but didn't really listen to what he had to say. I called him on the way (I was running late) and listened to what he had to say.
His side: He just got home from work. He had a gig last night and one tomorrow at noon that will last all night. He never has alone time. (Though he sleeps on the couch due to his work schedule and for comfort)
My side: I never ask him to work functions, and I asked early. He only worked 4 hours today. The play is only an hour. It's Friday and this could be a silly date.
I'm upset but I love him and want to be rational about this.
Tdlr: I wanted my boyfriend to go to a middle school play and he said no.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
yVPfkI0KTraDCDXONBnbgZzx2IrIG0Em | b0jx2g | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend she can't bring her friend to my apartment anymore",
"pronormative_score": 172,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA if I tell my girlfriend she can’t bring her friend to my apartment anymore? | A little over a month ago my girlfriend and her parents got into a fight so she came to stay with me until they made up. I was really clear that this was just temporary until they patched things up.
It was going fine until she started bringing one of her friends over. I had met this girl a few times before. I thought she was ok.
My girlfriend is like a totally different person around her. They both get nasty. Really catty. There have been a bunch of times that it’s bothered me.
There was one time I came home and it suddenly got quiet as soon as I came in. It was awkward so just to break the silence I said something like, “I’m beat” and they both busted out laughing hysterically. I asked my girlfriend what was so funny and she just told me nothing. It was kinda obvious that were laughing at my expense, whatever.
Another time I was in my bedroom and came to the kitchen to make a sandwich. They were in the living room. I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying. I have no idea what it was about. I thought it’d be nice to offer to make them some snacks so I started to offer and girlfriend’s friend cut me off and said, “shocker the MAN has to have an opinion about it” in a really nasty way. I thought to myself “well fuck you too”, but just said “actually nope” and took my sandwich back to my bedroom.
The situation that sent me over the edge though happened yesterday. It was my last day off and I wasn’t able to relax much on Monday. I was in the living room playing a game and they came over. Girlfriend asked if they could have the room and I go to the bedroom. I said “nah I’m right in the middle of this, can you guys hang out in the bedroom?” Friend gave the most sour ducking look and my girlfriend got an attitude. “It’s just a stupid game, you can play it anytime”. So I said, “ yeah I can play it anytime and I’m playing it now”. Friend mumbled something I couldn’t hear and they went to the bedroom. It’s a small apartment and I could hear them both bitch about me even with the tv on.
My girlfriend is usually such a sweet and funny person, but when her friend is around it’s like a switch flips and she’s a totally different person. I don’t get it. I don’t really want to, I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. I want to tell her not to bring her friend here anymore. Also maybe start pushing her to try talking to her parents again. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 170,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 172,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
l9NRAMIp3SA2Er6O7Nl8zZVKKfgOKSES | awpfmo | {
"description": "getting upset about my ex-boyfriend staying over with a female friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting upset about my ex-boyfriend staying over with a female friend? | Ex and I met when I was studying in his country. Towards the end of my time there I moved in with him for four months. I had to leave when my visa expired. But we were getting serious (spent weekends and Christmas with his family) so we decided to stay in a LDR until we figure something out.
During the last year, we both spent our holidays visiting each other every other month (it is a 10+ hours international flight plus trains. It is a lot effort and money we both put in this relationship and I believe it was getting stronger).
Three weeks ago on our holiday together I decided to asked if he wanted to get married as it was a way of me moving back. He said we only saw each other on holidays and always had a good time together, but we haven't really lived together for a long time so he didn't know. I didn't blame him but it made no sense to do LDR anymore if we never get together.
Another reason is I noticed he has been texting someone a lot. My gut told me something was off but I never confront him.
Initially I said we should take a break (I am visiting his country in April so we could talk again then). We both cried a lot. After more talk we kinda just broke up. The next morning when I calmed down I asked if he would consider to move to my country for a year. We could spend more time together to find out if marriage was right for us. He was nodding a lot and said he would look into it.
It has been three weeks since and we have been texting every day until last Friday. We were supposed to video-chat on Saturday but he never replied to my messages and didn’t pick up my phone-call. This never happened and I really freaked out, imaging everything that could go wrong for him. I reached out to his sister and asked if she had heard from him. A few minutes later he texted and said he just didn't notice the time everything is ok. So I texted him: Are we ok then? I can understand if you wanna stop talking for a while but silence punishment is too harsh. I was really worried. He replied that he didn't deliberately do it, the truth is he has stayed over with a friend - a girl. He didn't mention it because he thought it would upset me.
I called and he picked it up this time, then I realized he was still at her place. I told him that I don't blame him because I asked to end it. But I thought we kinda left things open and were still working on it. He argued that this girl is just a friend (who he talked to before we met, then stopped, then started talking to again recently) and nothing happened. And even if it were something he should be free to do so since I broke up with him. I agreed, but it still really upsets me. I also know now this is the girl he had been texting a lot even before I broke up with him.
It has been a few hours since we spoke and he is still staying with that girl. I feel shit . AITA for being upset or calling him when he is at her's？
&#x200B;
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
Krc81vZtUcCpzWRxEfiENmgcLkevM58o | b1eg4p | {
"description": "wanting to kick my friend out who's still acting like a child after 5 months of my wife and I trying to help her",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For wanting to kick my friend out who's still acting like a child after 5 months of my wife and I trying to help her? | 5 Months ago a friend of mine, we'll call her Jane, was approached by her husband who had decided that after 3 years of marriage he wanted a poly relationship. She refused and multiple fights ensued. Jane reached out to a married pair of mutual friends to see if she could move in with them. They didn't have room for her, they were staying in a 1 bedroom loft apartment. They then reached out to my wife and I to see if she could stay with us, since we had a guest room.
&#x200B;
We agreed and she moves in with us and our 4 kids. Since she works at a big box store and doesn't make a lot of money, we tell her she can pay rent in helping my wife(SAHM) with the house and kids as well as work towards getting a license and a full time job.
&#x200B;
In December she tells us that she interviewed for a position at a company in phone sales, but was turned down and told to apply for a different position in Jan. We started taking her driving and teach her all we can, however the state has a very particular way to parallel park that I don't know (I learned in a different state) and tell her she needs to have a driving school teach her for like 100 bucks.
&#x200B;
Feb rolls around, the company doesn't post a job opening and I tell her to start applying elsewhere...to this day, I think she's put in 2 applications. I also ask if she's set a date to have her license by, she says "I haven't but if you want me to I can", I say it would be good so go ahead and do it. She stops helping as much around the house and starts staying in her room until 30 min to an hour before her shift starts.
&#x200B;
In Feb, we buy a new house and I pay to have all of our stuff, including hers, moved. On closing/moving day we find out that Jane has a doctor's appointment AND has to work, she also hasn't gotten a ride for either. Moving is finished and Jane complains about the room (2nd largest in the house, with her own bathroom). She complains about the movers. She complains about everything.
&#x200B;
In March I tell Jane she needs to get her license by the end of the month. She gets salty but agrees. She tells my wife she has no money, but made the appointment anyway.
&#x200B;
This week is the straw that broke the camel's back. Jane is hooking up with a guy at work (who has a gf), he applies for a 3rd shift manager position. Doesn't have it, just applied. Jane VOLUNTEERS to go to 3rd shift. No consulting her only way to get to work/back. I'm fucking livid.
&#x200B;
I tell my wife I'm done and want her out. My wife says to wait until the end of the month to give her notice and give her a chance to get her license since I told her to get it by the end of march. AITA for being completely done and wanting her out regardless? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
vkNL6zohbdN2988BaqrlXhlDyH2Mct2b | b15wii | {
"description": "\"showing off\" with money",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for "showing off" with money? | For the last 4 years I (M23) have constantly been trying to get out more and do my own thing during holidays instead of just tagging along with my parents. Nothing too fancy usually. Going to a bar, eating at the 10$ all you can eat chinese restaurant, grill party, paintball, etc. It was also then when I noticed that my friends had poor budgeting skills. Usually they came once, escalated it (e.g. renting out the whole VIP lounge or renting a limo), then had absolutely zero money (if they didn't get themselves in debt for it) for the rest of the week/month/year. I love to go on holiday, and while we've been to Prague last year, they usually can't go on holiday.
Because of that I had to learn to be happy travelling/eating alone, and I've picked up a "tag along or leave it" mentality. I maybe ask once if someone wants to go anywhere and if nobody says anything I'll just say I'll go to X and tell them I'd be happy if someone comes but I'll go anyways.
Since most of the time I'm going alone, I've started using more money. So instead of e.g. taking a 1h flight with easyjet I'll fly to America/Korea/etc., sometimes business for comfort. Or get a nice steak instead of fried chicken.
Now for some reason this has pissed one of my friends off. He told me I was showing off and being fucking arrogant by asking them if they wanted to come, since they couldn't afford it anyways (technically they could if they stopped wasting it on pretending to be rich, but that's besides the point). AITA for doing things and trying to get my friends to be more active? Should I just fuck off without ever asking? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
6UNuEj5pCIBkaZPolYd2WbA3qqF7bzd3 | b2fngf | {
"description": "making money from a tragedy",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making money from a tragedy? | I trade stocks as a hobby, and have been doing it long enough to know how the market will react to certain news, especially when major events take place.
I knew the day after the shooting in NZ that there would be what we call a "run on guns". For those who are unaware, whenever something like this happens and politicians begin declaring "drastic changes" coming on gun laws, we often see a large surge in gun buys by people afraid that they may not be able to purchase them in the near future.
When this happens, we usually see the stock price of those manufacturers go up the day after. The morning after, i went in on a position in AOBC, the parent company for Smith & Wesson. Sure enough, the stock rose almost 4% that day, and i sold by days end.
Though i realize my actions had nothing to due with what happened, and that the stock was going to go up regardless of whether i invested or not, I'm still genuinely curious if this makes me an asshole or just someone who seized on an opportunity? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
iRWuEVQLb6nwOhj4bOx4qGaYDgqy8giH | b3xqjd | {
"description": "pulling out my phone at a customs checkpoint",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for pulling out my phone at a customs checkpoint? | This was on a return trip to the U.S., where I am a resident and citizen. I should also clarify that I wasn't handling the paperwork here; I'm 14 and this was a family trip, I was barely involved.
We were passing through a final checkpoint, where some sort of verification was being done involving an officer. Around the time that we had arrived at the gate, I received a text, which I pulled out my phone to reply to without thinking about how disrespectful this may be (I'm still not really sure how it was, but I guess that's why I'm here). At that point, the officer looked at me and told me sternly to put it away. At that point I was thinking, "okay, it's against protocol or something, I'll reply later."
Apparently not. As we walked away, he said to me in a sarcastic tone, "it's *called* respect."
On one hand, I probably looked extremely entitled and I shouldn't be on my phone while I'm walking. On the other hand, I had no involvement in the vetting process, and I don't know if it was his place to tell me such a thing. Also, I was humiliated by the event, and it ruined my mood over the next few hours.
I know I'm probably fixating on this too much, but I hate being yelled at or otherwise feeling "called out" in public, and I want to know if the officer was justified in acting as he did, and if I was being as disrespectful as he seemed to think. Was I the asshole for using my phone around an elder/at an immigration checkpoint, or was he for (kind of) scolding me for it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
tom2a3glEEUdW7XcgWmij3WeJXPafyEA | aol3ey | {
"description": "telling my gf that her problem is the problem",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my gf that her problem is the problem. | (First off sorry for formatting, mobile)
My girlfriend and I have rekindled our relationship recently after hitting a rough patch. She has her friends and I have mine and to get to the point, we are both in the band at the college (she's in the color guard) . And for those who don't know we band nerds change all the time together. The color guard changes separate and together as they are all made up of females.
Yesterday after my classes I was in one the band room's practice rooms, catching up on some work. When a friend of mine ,(we'll call her J) who is also in the guard and knows my gf, walks in and asks to change in there, to which i say yes. As I'm gathering my things in my pack she starts taking her clothes off. I then just grab my phone and leave my stuff there.
J then says "you didn't have to leave"
To which I respond "it's a matter of respect"
This small incident made me feel uncomfortable. So I did what I normally do. I talk to my girlfriend,(in this class text) I like to be transparent about everything with her. She then takes this information and cold shoulders me, and just doesn't talk to me. I try to give her space, and she tells me how she feels after an evening with no communication. I tell her I understand but I didn't like that she took her anger out on me. She tells me that I dont understand how she feels and that I'm being insensitive and I should just forget about it and it shouldn't be a big deal. And our conversation ends.
I saw her on campus today, frustrated, we talk some more about it and I tell her that it's not right that shes talking her frustration out on me when I came for help. And I dont see this as something that put our relationship progress back. And she then said I clearly dont understand, it would be the last time she came to me about problems. I then said that's shes in the wrong, I can understand jealousy or J being disrespectful to us, but it's not right to take it out on me, and the strain of the relationship that is happening right now comes from her, and that she is being the problem instead of dropping it like she said to. I can be kind and understanding but this is ridiculous.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AN0KvMAC41hS0vMozJHf3BFCN6Wup8gU | 9x6yrg | {
"description": "being sick and tired of spending more time with a disabled teen",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being sick and tired of spending more time with a disabled teen | Allright so my parents' friends have a son that has a physical handicap since he lacked oxygen at birth. He is lonely and likes me a lot; he even calls me his bestfriend. My parents always want me to spend time with him, most of the time I get frustrated since we don't share any common interests. On the other hand, I feel bad for him, so I do end up spending time with him every once in a while.
I feel like a total hypocrite when I'm with him; our friendship is entirely one sided. I may seem insensitive, but it's the harsh truth. Sometimes, my parents get mad at me for not wanting to invite him over to my house or not inviting him when I go out with my friends. I think I'm doing enough efforts by spending some time with him here and there when our parents invite eachother.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VDHr2TkwAzRTZtGM4UoAUtZ2vsmmbDBM | acgx7v | {
"description": "not letting my brother read my messages on my phone",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my brother read my messages on my phone? | I'm not posting it just for karma.
&#x200B;
I'm 12, and I like playing games. I have many friends online which I talk to. One good friend, who is 15 years old, didn't come online today, and I got the news he killed himself.
&#x200B;
It was only me and 1 more person that was told, out of the 9-10. We were discussing whether we should tell the whole group. I was on a bus with my brother, and he saw me messaging my friend. He wanted to read them, but I kept saying no. This led into a small argument, but nothing much as it was resolved later.
&#x200B;
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kkZQpgU9zlrmx9NXJ5As0Hk7FWqWkKGl | 9v4w2c | {
"description": "throwing my drink at a car that honked at me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for throwing my drink at a car that honked at me? | My college campus has a Chick Fil A on it, and after class I got some food from there and a sweet tea (aka golden nectar). While I was walking back to my dorm with my food, I crossed the crosswalk in front of an SUV (he had just come up to the stop sign). Right when I was in front of his hood, the driver slammed on his horn. I screamed and almost dropped my food. As he drove past, he looked out his open window and laughed at me. Would I have been the asshole if I launched my sweet tea into his car? I had no idea who the driver was, he wasn’t a friend of mine who was trying to mess with me. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7e0wBR53TU1vmaH6jkycgYAOQ5qHi3Ag | arbuw1 | {
"description": "suggesting I vacuum my girlfriend's face",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for suggesting I vacuum my girlfriend’s face? | I was on a date with my girlfriend and everything was going well. She was thinking about purchasing a fancy LED face mask when the conversation switched too their appliances, specifically Dyson products. I jokingly suggested we switch all our appliances to Dyson products, and that we could even replace the LED face mask with a vacuum you could use on your face. Ridiculous stuff but I was feeling a bit silly.
My girlfriend instantly froze and got extremely upset. Apparently a proper boyfriend would never dare suggest vacuuming his girlfriends face, and doing so is such an insult it borders on abuse. A couple points before I go further: my girlfriend is from Korea and English is her second language. There are definitely a couple cultural differences I’m (still) working on.
I care a lot about her wellbeing and would never intentionally hurt her feelings, so I asked what about the comment was so abhorrent. I couldn’t come up with a clear answer as it’s so obviously an insult that even a kid should know not to say that. All her Korean girlfriends would immediately support her on this too, that a boyfriend should NEVER say something like this. It really is something only an asshole would do.
For some additional context, something similar did happen some years ago. I don’t remember the details, but my girlfriend jokingly chastised me for being messy. I jokingly replied back in a “no u”, and said she was dirty. I guess she thought I implied she was some kind of promiscuous girl and was so angry and upset she started crying. I kept a mental note never to joke around in ways that might be interpreted as demeaning her character.
But this last comment with the vacuum was so ridiculous, and the context so harmless, it hadn’t crossed my mind. And I’m still having a difficult time wrapping my head around how it could be interpreted to be that offensive.
Hope to see some nuanced answers here to help me understand what’s going on. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
iqGPBAJaAb9yKiDELGLnbMBKAMCGeh4I | 9v6k7e | {
"description": "thinking a vet going shopping in a full uniform may be looking for attention",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for thinking a vet going shopping in a full uniform may be looking for attention? | I realize Remembrance Day is coming up and while I think it’s incredible important we consider those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, I’m also someone who despises war and therefore am probably biased. I can’t help but think there are some people that are out there that seek attention by going out in uniform, begging for special treatment because they’re vets, etc. Obviously you can’t paint such a large picture with a single brush but the thought of that makes me cringe. Is it that hard to bring a change of clothes with you if you’re attending an event or something? Is there something I’m not considering? Am I just an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
rGagmxfHH57IoVvStb8nNv6CNuAUHiU7 | b0zftq | {
"description": "saying I don't care or need his acceptance of my sexual orientation",
"pronormative_score": 131,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for saying I don't care or need his acceptance of my sexual orientation? |
My co-worker who I am not very close, nor do I like very much found out I was lesbian because he was eavesdropping into a conversation I was having with another also gay, co-worker (A) a friend of mine. Now I don’t really care if someone finds out I like women- my life at home and my life at work and everywhere else is very segregated. The only reason I’m not screaming rainbow flags is because my mother and father are quite homophobic, and I am very fond of living in a house haha.
Anyway, this co-worker (who I’ll call P) overhears me telling A jokingly that I wanted to go to Mardi Gras to find myself a cute wife with strong arms (ya girl has her fantasies ok?) and we can go live on a cattle farm together out in the west. A laughs but before he can say anything P barges in and says “Oh you’re a lesbian?”
I tense for a second but laugh it off. “yeah and what?”
P looks at me and decides I’m an eights ball and asks the 50 questions you ask a gay person:
“Wow you don’t look lesbian!”
Ok?
“Have you dated other guys?”
Nah sucked like 2 dicks and realised it wasn’t for me
“How do you know you like girls if you haven’t dated guys?”
I dunno P you tell me. Have you ever shagged a dude?
“So, are you out with your parents?”
No.
Oh, and my favourite: “Maybe your last relationship didn’t work out because you aren’t out? And maybe you like guys?”
He looked at me in the eyes and said that.
He really went the 9 yards while A was looking more and more uncomfortable and I was getting more and more pissed. I wasn’t rude, just blunt and snarky enough to get him to realise he was stepping over the line. He probably realised how foot in mouth he was and tried to amend it by doing the whole heartfelt acceptance speech.
“Well thank you for telling me. I’m really accepting of all people and I know people out there that aren’t and you’re still a great person even if you like girls...ect.”
It was a long spiel of just I accept you blah blah. Just a circle jerk of self-praise of how open minded he was. Here’s the thing. I don’t care for anyone’s acceptance over my sexuality. The only people who I ever really wanted to accept won’t. So after 2 or 3 minutes of him talking I snapped.
“Mate I know you mean well but I really don’t care what you think of my sexuality. I don’t need your acceptance or validation.”
He just looked at me flabbergasted before saying something like “well I was just saying jeez you don’t have to be so rude” before leaving the bar me and A were working at.
After that A just hugged me and said P was out of line. However, a few days ago another co worker told me P was really upset with what I said and maybe I should apologise.
So AITA? I don’t know maybe he did mean well, but it just wasn't needed. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 125,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 131,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
MoByfQraSeTgrIlGPrUOAbDrfxmPjpPO | b94nff | {
"description": "trying to force a gay guy to not like me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for trying to force a gay guy to not like me? | (straight male here)
So there is this gay guy at my school and he is known for being very weird and very unattractive.. and I had the misfortune of him liking me.
So this guy tried to make sexual innuendos on Instagram and I just say “I’m not gay” and he always stares at me in the halls.
He makes up a lot of stuff for attention and he thinks that I secretly like him and that I am flirting with him every time I give him a dirty look in the hallways.
I emailed an assistant principal today and a couple of weeks ago and I’m not sure if he even read/got both of them.. So this gay guy is not doing anything physical or trying to talk to me, but he does try to stare at me in the hallways and I know he likes me and I am very uncomfortable with that because I’m not gay.
I tell him “leave me the fuck alone” “ugly” “creepy pervert” but he just doesn’t get the message that I do not like hm, he is probably deluded or just stupid.
tl;dr Gay guy likes me still even though I told him I’m straight and I feel uncomfortable
So am I the asshole for trying to make him not like me or is he free to think whatever he wants?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
FJvVHL0WIEi1f96rDdhoIctIZcDmoiKt | b40t10 | {
"description": "leaving boyfriend over gang relation",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving boyfriend over gang relation? | Hi y’all! Made a throwaway since bf(or ex) lurkes reddit.
So last night my bf calls me in a rush to talk about some heavy stuff. Basically his little brothers best friend (who’s like a lil bro to him) snitched on some bad dudes who are getting time and everyone knows it was him. My bf(should I just say ex?) called conflicted on if he should try and protect his “little brother” should something happen and I flat out said unless he’s your blood you need to back away, then said I don’t want to see him hurt. These are some bad dudes, like I’ll shoot your whole house up type. I for one am not okay with remotely any affiliation with this kinda stuff and think that we should break up for the fact that I will refuse to sit there and watch him get hurt over someone’s who is of no relation and who’s not directly threatening him.
TL;DR-bf wants to protect close younger friend from gang shit which would inevitably mean he gets hurt and I want to break up to avoid seeing him get fucked bc of it. Am I the asshole? Is it selfish? Fuck if I know:/ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9xSxtReWcyx1fylFbunaTMp5rkodVfYe | atbqmd | null | AITA for suggestion that my boyfriend showers more? | My boyfriend has a physically demanding job, frequently works out, and showers about once every 3-4 days max.
The first couple days I don’t mind the musk. He usually smells good to me when I’m just hugging him or whatever. But our bed stinks. And our couch stinks so bad from him sitting in the same spot for several hours every day that I’m literally going to throw it away next time we move. The upholstery shampooer does nothing. Febreeze does nothing. It smells like straight up ass.
I suggested to him that he should take a shower today after catching a whiff and he got genuinely offended. He hasn’t showered since Sunday morning. It wasn’t rude- just a “hey, maybe hop in the shower before coming to bed.”
AITA for continuing to press this? All our furniture is getting gross and sweat stained because he seems oblivious to his own BO... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 45,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 47,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SPQogchZL6JuueXOBzdXoXCG2CScEGtJ | a11dgj | {
"description": "insisting my brother stay in his room while sick",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For insisting my brother stay in his room while sick? | Some backstory
I have a low immune system, I have had one all my life. Its not life threateningly bad but I get sick more often than any other person in my house and when I do, its worse. As a child I had strep throat about 5 times a year and pneumonia at least 3 or 4 times in my life 1 nearly requiring hospitalization.
I also suffer currently from the after effects of both mono and parvo because the viruses linger in my body. I am fully vaccinated and up to date on flu shots regularly.
I live with my parents and 3 siblings. One of my brothers (17) is homeschooled and is very sick. With strep throat. He went to the doctor today and has antibiotics. He needs a whole 24 hours before hes non contagious.
So the asshole-ry in question is this, he came out of his room bundled in blankets and sniffling/generally being miserable and sick. He didnt want to access the tv or any livingroom amenities, he just wanted to be somewhere not his room. I was playing the communal ps4. I told him if hes sick to stay in his room untill he starts getting better on antibiotics. I dont enjoy getting strep throat and I always get it if people near me have it. I am still recovering from whatever flu nonesense my youngest brother (10) brought home and I feel its a reasonable request that he not infect the entire house because he happens to be sick. My brother(17) stomped into his room and started screaming about it.
AITA for requesting he respect my health and desire to not get sick or should I just accept Im getting sick and deal with it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
dRiVsmwnNJRuWeX3xSObFFQjE7L1Qcd1 | 9yxk0b | null | AITA - my grandmother keeps threatening to disinherit me.... | To start of: Money is not really important to me as I now started my own firm and make a good living but I wanted to hear opinions if I am the asshole or Not!
So a little history: my grandfather, a really successful buissnes man with multiple companies etc. Died about 13 years back after selling most of the companies and retiring. Now my Grandmother who never worked in her life has "control" over his Money.
Few years forward, my family still has a museum in which I wanted to have a Holliday job, I was dumb and an arrogant asshole (but that only semi matters). So I was working there for a week and everything is great the people I work with we're great and I'm still friends with most of them. The problem: I talked to one of the guys working there about the museum and he asked me alot of stuff (he was one of two people who actually knew that the museum was owned by my family) and he asked me what I wanted to do when I was older etc. and I said it was a dream of mine to actually manage the museum and so on. I don't know anymore how I said it and If I said it in a really arrogant way or so but apparently he went to my grandmother and told her / her assistant what I said and complaint about me. I didn't notice until after I got home (I don't live in the same city as my grandmother) and my grandmother didn't tell me anything. The other people working at the museum actually said many good things about me (as stated before I'm still good friends with many of them) but apparently my grandmother only noticed the bad one.
She apparently called my mother right after I got my train and told her that she would disinherit me and that I'm a disgrace to the family etc.
Since then with everything I'm doing she keeps playing Ping Pong with me and when I do something good (e.g. my company) she says stuff like "your so much like your grandfather" and "I'm proud of you" and on the other hand when I can't attend a family dinner because whatever reason she says stuff like "he's a disgrace" and "I should disinherit him".
So I think I definitely was an asshole with whatever I said with the museum or he just really disliked me but since then to keep threatening to disinherit me / and whatever not... I don't know I think she just wants to show power because I don't know why.
PS. I don't actually know if she can actually disinherit me or if she is only pre-inheriting for me and my sisters etc. so that she is only really playing mind games.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pUyY4AXgSpIwDS5uvHifXk3WhC5d3BiH | 9uzt5f | {
"description": "making Jew jokes to a Jew",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for making Jew jokes to a Jew? | Im in college. Some dorm neighbors and I were playing Jackbox 2 a few weekends ago (before the Pittsburgh shooting). During a round of Quiplash, I made a couple Jew jokes. Nothing directed directly at jews, but just normal edgelord/makes you laugh at 2 am shit like "Mecha Hitler" and just using the word Jew where it made no rational sense. One of the guys in there was Jewish. He laughed at the first few, but then out of no where he goes ballistic when "braided hair of clone Hitler" came up. He yelled for about 30 seconds and left. He went quiet for a few weeks in our group chat. Last night I was talking with another guy in there about the most recent game grumps 10 minute power hour. I quoted the joke "jews faked the moon landing" which was made by Dan, who is jewish himself. When I woke up, the guy was back in the chat and messaged "can you stop making jew jokes you bitch". So now im concerned. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
YAUBjLYr46dPlqGlTtSjmt4G5HLKfi3K | b2eati | {
"description": "replying back to my professor in the same tone",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for replying back to my professor in the same tone? | To preface this, the professor in question teaches a very large college class (easily 300+ students), so attendance is taken via these devices called iClickers, where you just press a button to take attendance.
When I checked my grade, I was surprised to see a very low grade for my attendance. I definitely had perfect attendance in the class, so I emailed the professor stating my problem and asked if he could check the attendance record again.
The professor responds back:
>The recording of attendance is doen completely by machines and computers that do not make mistakes. The only human inv9olvement if by the person who puches the button. So there is nothing to check. But I havernoted your issue.
I couldn't tell if the professor was simply being unprofessional, or if the professor was being sarcastic about human error and technology and intentionally made this many typos in his email.
Ultimately, I pretended that it was a normal email and thanked the professor for a quick response.
I just wanted to know if I would have been (or appeared) to be an asshole if I responded back in the same manner as my professor with the intention of "playing along"?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
d6QdhbMphJ8TdkC3Bfxaamo2auLc9HzT | a6weyx | {
"description": "turning down my wife's advances",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for turning down my wife's advances? | Earlier tonight my wife went to bed and I shortly followed her. I started to feel her up to get things in motion but she denied me nonverbally. I kept going a couple more times before she said she isn't feeling good and to lay off. So I stopped.
Not even five minutes later she asks me for a kiss goodnight and I do so, immediately she shoves her tongue down my throat and grabs my junk. I grabbed her hand away from me and told her if she wasn't feeling good, I didn't want to get worked up knowing there'd be no payoff.
She got offended and I decided to sleep downstairs on the couch. She said she wasn't in the mood when I came up but got in the mood despite her unwellness. I told her I wasn't comfortable anymore and she went to leave me downstairs.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
LFQu6OGLi38hu9abeUAk3ejZFNKb687D | amxy6v | {
"description": "not wanting to pay for a hotel room that I won't be staying in",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I didn't want to pay for a hotel room that I won't be staying in? | One of my best friends is turning 21 in the coming weeks, and our group of about 7 guys (all 21+) had the idea to rent 2 hotel rooms in downtown for the night, drink, go to a strip club, and maybe hire an escort for the birthday boy for the night. Split between 7 of us for **just the hotel rooms**, the cost would be around 75-100 per person. This doesn't cover alcohol costs, escort costs, or the $25 in one dollar bills we were going to give the birthday boy to splurge at the club. I would assume the night in whole would come out to around $200-$225 pp.
Normally I would have no issue paying this. However, I have an early work shift the following morning and am not planning on drinking, or staying the night in the hotel. My plan is to leave the hotel around midnight - 1 A.M. so that I can have at least a couple hours of sleep before my shift.
WIBTA for not paying for a hotel room that I won't be sleeping in? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
DeiIGVqE4Tg02zoWGyP4bWjZtKJPMty4 | b3upg7 | {
"description": "essentially ghosting my friends",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for essentially ghosting my friends? | I've had a group of friends that I'd hang out with for about a decade. A few months ago, I came to the realization that I have been the only one making the plans with them for as long as I could remember (they usually eagerly agree), and I've never been invited by them anywhere, although I see this group hanging around all the time on social media. I decided that I definitely cared a lot more about the relationship than they did, so I decided to stop making plans with them and waited for them to intiate conversations with me instead. Lo and behold, I haven't talked to them in 6 months and they didn't even contact me for my birthday (i'm still very salty).
Recently, the one in the group I'm closest to, let's say Sarah, contacted me, only because I recently saw their mother passing by on the street. She asked me why we haven't been hanging out as much, to which I replied, "You've never asked". So Sarah asks if I'm down to hang out within the next week because she's available and so am I. The week is over, and once again she has not contacted me. I'm just fed up with how one-sided this relationship is, and I don't want to be the one that says, "Why haven't you been inviting me to things/talking to me?" because I don't want to come off as desperate. At this point, I'm not sure if there's anything that can be talked about, and after months of waiting and receiving nothing, I don't feel like theres much left of our friendship. WIBTA for ghosting them? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IwWn80ZO93bBfNC3teSAWh0EoOszvM1d | auweur | {
"description": "taking advantage of my friend's confusion",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for taking advantage of my friend’s confusion? | To protect this persons privacy, I have changed their name to James.
So a little over a year ago I started to have feelings for James. It all started on the weekend after our marching band made it to area. We hung out after that and things went on from there.
About two days later, James sent me a text asking for help. I didn’t think much of it. I really liked helping people. He then texted that he was having problems with his identity. Having come out as bi a month earlier to all this, I knew he was talking about his sexuality. I was happy to help him because I remembered how I felt going through his situation. I asked if he liked boys. He said he didn’t know. I asked if he liked girls. Same response. I had never actually helped someone with this before so I wasn’t sure how to help from there. Since it was late at night, we both said goodbye and went to bed.
Before I fell asleep I started to think that I could possibly shift James over to the “gayer” side of things. He was still questioning so he would think it was his choice anyways. So I started to hang around him more. We actually ended up being really good friends. Everything seemed alright.
Two weeks later, James told me that he liked a girl and he wanted me to be his wingman. Being the helpful person I was, I said yes. I was in emotional pain but I still said yes. Also we found out that we were going to state so I was trying extra hard not to seem sad. The next day I snapped and told him every single reason why his crush wouldn’t work. James came to terms with it, but he wasn’t too happy that I had to tell him. We became distant after that. I tried to cheer him up by confessing my feelings to him, but it made everything worse.
We didn’t talk much after that. We barely talk now. I feel bad for ruining my chances with him, ruining his chances with the girl he liked, and possibly messing him up mentally.
After a whole year, I finally forgive myself for what I did and move on from James. But now James has led me on and cut me off at least twice. Not only am I not sure if I like him, but I’m blaming myself again for what I did a year ago. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
oTsWuGHVvBiejO2KTHZxSAhhQxKsO9ar | 9yv5n3 | {
"description": "telling my mom I won't be going home for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my mom I won't be going home for Christmas? | So I recently got into a huge argument with my family. It started off as a political disagreement. My brother attended the Trump rally after the Synagogue shooting and I voiced my liberal views. This is a pretty typical argument for my family which is fine, we vary in views and that's okay.
This one turned into a different brother chiming in. He said I take money and manipulate my parents into paying things for me. Very not true. I left home 8 years ago and moved across the country 2 years ago. He also started calling me a drug addict, which is weird seeing as he used to buy weed from me. He finalized his rant with calling me a tramp.
I am the youngest of 5 and the onl girl in the family. I grew up being called a slut, whore, skank, my entire life from my brothers. Distancing myself from my family I have made enormous strides on my mental health and him calling me that made me feel destroyed again.
I decided I would rather not spend my Christmas vacation subjecting myself to sexist and racist views so I told my mother I would not be going to her house. I'll be with one of my brothers, who is gay and also outcasted. She called me selfish and inconsiderate for not visiting her on "her favorite holiday".
Am I the asshole for wanting to be around kind people instead of my family for this holiday season? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9v1xt9cnk1CuRJ3EVXvQ2VxUFdWjyu5Z | b5ucuh | {
"description": "reporting my friend and coworker to hr",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | WIBTA for reporting my friend and coworker to HR | I have a coworker who has become my friend over the past couple years but over the past eightish months, some of her behaviour at work is driving me completely insane.
Our work has a lunch/break policy where you can either have a 15 min break and a 1 hour lunch or a 1 H 15 M lunch. Most people choose the longer lunch but my friend and I are both smokers (gross, I know) so we go for a smoke break in the mornings and used to take shortened lunches together.
This past summer she got a puppy and started going home at lunch to let the dog out and take it for a walk so we no longer have lunch together. In order to beat lunch time traffic, she started leaving for lunch half an hour earlier. She leaves at 11:30 instead of noon and claims to come back at 12:45. Which largely is not true as I walk by her desk around that time to get to mine from the lunch room. She is rarely at it, neither is her coat, meaning she is still out of the office. Also, that means she is taking the 1 H 15 M lunch although she continues to come for a smoke with me in the morning.
She also started taking a second smoke break in the afternoon with less than an hour left in her shift. So all in all, she is taking 2 hours worth of breaks/lunches everyday.
On top of that, she has been coming in an hour late every Friday for a month. She tells the firm she is going to physiology for her knee (she fell on the ice walking her dog) but told me she’s just been sleeping in and isn’t going to physio.
At our last staff meeting (three weeks ago) or HR manager said there are some complaints of certain individuals abusing the lunch/break policy and that if we choose the 15 M break, 1 H lunch option daily, to let her know. I sent HR an email stating I choose this option.
My friend on the other hand did not claiming she doesn’t think she needs to because she “stays late all the time.” This is also not true as she leaves before I do and comes to say goodbye. If she does stay late on a particular day it is very very rarely more than 15 M. In total, she is taking 4 H 45 M a week of break time she shouldn’t be and I know for a fact she is not making that time up in anyway.
She complains to me and to HR about how busy she is and needs task taken away from her role. She pointed out to me today that another assistant is lazy because she takes a walk around the office twice a day. I’ve talked to her about coordinating her breaks with HR and about how taking them isn’t helping her workload. She snaps at me and says if she doesn’t do these things none of her work will get done because she’ll be so stressed.
I’m having such a hard time letting this go. WIBTA for reporting her to HR? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
wNNppdMwkrWSPS61tU7JILikYPh0tLxB | adeowz | {
"description": "being mad at family",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | Aita for being mad at family. | My sibling recently got married. I wasnt particularly close with her but we got along well. She wanted a small wedding and I was the only one in my immediate family to not get invited. Later she asked why I didnt get her a wedding gift and I said it was because I was not invited. She said I was selfish and being a bad sport cause I wasnt invited. I called her a b**** right back and my family got mad at me and she isn't talking to me. Aita? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
8mzGRJrXWFab47K085TxzhU0dqzHZ5Rz | ar6fkx | {
"description": "getting mad at a plagiarized love note",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at a plagiarized love note? | A little background - Me and my BF have been together 10 years. Over the years I’ve mentioned **several** times how much I’d appreciate a card from him. Just something to let me know how he feels…something sentimental as I’m a bit of a sap who watches way too many rom coms. I’ve never got one, which is frustrating, but he’s not super into that kind of stuff and I know he’s not good with expressing his emotions, etc
&#x200B;
This valentine’s day…actually the day after, he gives me a card he's made and says he feels silly but hands it to me…I look at it and tear up instantly…our relationship has been really rocky lately, so already i’m ecstatic cause it shows effort!!
&#x200B;
But then I open to read it and instantly recognize the words. You see, in grade 3 or something, someone had written me a love note which i found years ago and framed it cause it was really silly and sweet and just as a reminder of how cute love is….
&#x200B;
He copied it word. for. word.
&#x200B;
I think he thought it was cute…which it is…but…well, it would have been cute after a year or 2 of dating…but 10 years?
&#x200B;
Now, i didn’t flip out or anything, but he saw my disappointment. I told him I loved the gesture, but was a little hurt that after 10 years the only words he could find to tell me how he felt were someone else's from decades ago. I know he was trying to be sweet and that it was kind and took effort, i just can’t help how i felt at the moment, but now i’m left feeling like a complete asshole. He understood, but I could tell he was deflated and embarrassed.
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9Ws5BgL7KMb8RznQigh8QcxREIvHNQxd | ajwoyu | {
"description": "cancelling my plans to go on an overseas trip with my friends just because I don't feel like it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA If I cancel my plans to go on an overseas trip with my friends just because I don't feel like it? | So my friends and I are planning to go on a 5d4n overseas trip in about a month. At first, I wanted it to be 3d2n but they think that its too short and thus its 5d4n. Right now, I'm asking them if it could be 4d3n instead but still I'm quite hesitant to go on the trip.
As for why I don't feel like going on that trip, I have a dog and I wouldn't really like to be away from her for days.
Also, I'm an only child and I'm worried about my dad as he would be home alone and he doesn't put in effort to eat proper food if he's alone. For example, he would just eat instant noodles and sometimes skip meals. My mother is busy working and I kind of feel really guilty for going on a trip to enjoy myself with friends. Thus, I find it hard to ask them if I could go on this trip but I think they would most likely allow me to go.
My family isn't exactly doing bad financially but I feel like I would rather spend my money on other things. I'm also starting a part time job right now and I don't feel comfortable asking for a leave.
However, if I don't go on this trip, it would most likely get cancelled as my friend would be the only girl there and thus it would be awkward for her.
My friends are really looking forward to it so if I don't go I feel like they would be very unhappy, especially since they've planned out things and searched for accommodation and stuff. We haven't booked anything or paid for anything yet so its still not too late for me to cancel the trip.
TL;DR: I don't want to go on the trip but I feel bad for not going as my friends are really excited about it and it would get cancelled if I don't go. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
8vFNP3nszZP0lVeJBaLIyFC0E0YpnRxV | b7is8k | {
"description": "destroying a Womens Basketball Team",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Destroying A Womens Basketball Team? | We're all in our 20's and I had these 2 girls in my class that are on my schools basketball team. We'd always joke around about how they're so good and how'd they'd beat most average joe's in a 1v1 or 3v3. I always thought they were joking at least, till one day I said that most avg joes would give you guys a run for your money at least you know? They didn't believe it and were used me as an example saying how if I got 2 other guys who are average joes they'd destroy us with another girl on their team. I thought it would be fun and I hadn't touched a basketball since July and my friends barely play. We got court space and we met up to play 3v3 and we wrecked them. Won a best 2/3 series to 21 and they scored 7 pts the first game and 5 pts the 2nd game LOL. There were people watching like their teammates and others at the gym and said we were being assholes/douches for playing so hard. But like they were talking shit so we did play hard and had no mercy basically. Also they had a height advantage, all of them are 6ft plus. I'm 5'9, my one buddy is like 5'5 maybe and one dude is maybe 6ft.
Are we assholes for going so hard and embarrassing them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Kg0bqDNKGZvlTUlb4CGEZzcFQ4EcRVmZ | b4f13s | {
"description": "wanting to cheat on my homework",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to cheat on my homework? | I'm a freshman in college, and for one of my classes we have to answer multiple choice questions in the textbook every week. The other day, I was looking in the back of the book to see if there was a glossary, and I discovered that the answers were in the back of the book. Would I be an asshole if I used the answer key? Everyone else in my class has access to it, but I doubt that they know that it exists. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
3DV7wVlsmwS5EeUEQJdYzu3fBDsIgh9V | a81zbt | {
"description": "giving homeless people beer",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For giving homeless people beer? | I have alot of homeless people near where I live. Sometimes ones begging near a liquor store ask me to get them a beer. I appreciate their honesty instead of asking for money for food and get them a couple brews.??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Qkt8ox9gdKfvzvojCyeN4ciXQ01IsFLX | ai2la2 | {
"description": "not asking my boyfriend first",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for not asking my boyfriend first? | I recieved a call off my sister today after not hearing from her in a while. We have a love hate relationship due to a lifetime of issues. Her son, my nephew has recently started nursery. She told me he had recently had fallen off a slide and bust his nose. The nursery hadn't called her to inform her of the incident, which is protocol. So she had gone to collect him and they explained what had happened but said he had been completely fine. She noticed he wasn't keeping his balance very well and was very unsettled. She took him to the doctors and he was diagnosed with concussion.
I told my sister that she needed to take him out of the nursery as it was a serious thing to have occurred. I told her to bring my nephew to the nursery I am a deputy manager at. I said I would pick him up and take him to nursery. For the two days he would be attending nursery, he would be able to stay at our house. I made this suggestion without first consulting my SO for a few reasons. Firstly, I have never been in a position to have him stay, we haven't ever had the space, time or money. I am now in position to help and care for him. My sister is a very young mum and is struggling to cope. I offered to help because I have the resources to do so.
Secondly, I knew my SO would say no because he doesnt like kids. He doesn't know what to expect and always assumes the worst will happen.
This situation will be mine to deal with, and mine alone. I will be responsible for him and my SO will not have to be involved in any way. I haven't seen my nephew in a year, not my choice. Now I have the opportunity to care for my nephew and offer him a steady routine whist he is at my house.
Q
My SO is upset because I didn't run it past him first. He doesn't think I should have made the decision without him, which I understand. However when I asked him if we could just try it and see how it goes he agreed. However he is still angry because I didn't ask him first. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
0pYJIXgtmFAff2HJazJLEMc3WJHjoRTr | askzjz | {
"description": "cancelling a date three days beforehand",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for cancelling a date three days beforehand | Hi,
Less am I “the” asshole because the other person is clearly not an asshole, more am I “an” asshole.
I cancelled a date today for this weekend. 1st date, off of a dating app. What happened was I matched with someone even though the physical attraction for me seemed so-so. We had an okay conversation and we eventually agreed to meet this weekend.
I am new to dating apps and since agreeing to this date, I have arranged dates with several other people who I am both more physically attracted to and have more common interests with. I did not realize there were this many people who might be interested in/interesting to me.
My conversation with this person has also flickered out. We are talking about very boring subjects, and it wasn’t that interesting to start with. I agreed to the date because I hadn’t had a date in a long time and I thought I could grow to like them if I gave them a chance.
My thoughts go like this: I do not really want to go on three dates this weekend, and talking to these people is exhausting. Furthermore, I think it is a waste of person #1’s time- who wants to be someone’s third choice that weekend? I think this person is objectively physically fine looking and a good person, just not my cup of tea. I feel for them because I would be sad if I was excited for a date and they cancelled, but at the same time, I would not want to waste my time on me if I were them either.
So I sent them a message saying I am too busy and not sure I will be less busy any time soon. I sent them this text on Tuesday, and our date was on Saturday at a coffee shop. I hope I gave them enough time to make other plans.
Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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Bt3Wx6ProMYK6G8jmDOe1992ku3j47CJ | ae45l4 | {
"description": "planting carnivorous plants near my apiary where bees could get eaten by them",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I plant carnivorous plants near my apiary where bees could get eaten by them? | It's occurred to me that two of my interests- beekeeping and carnivorous plants- might have a conflict, and I'd like your opinion.
I'm looking to start both of these as a hobby after I move into a new house with a backyard with my boyfriend. I'm doing all my homework for the legality of both of these, so I'll be registering with my local council as an amateur beekeeper, and non-native plants will be carefully managed to ensure they don't start growing where they aren't supposed to. The bees will also be well-fed with other native flowers and a 1:1 cane sugar-water solution, standard in beekeeping. The plants will likely end up attracting and eating some bees, but even if all of the traps were filled with bees there's no way a whole hive would collapse from all its workers being eaten.
So Reddit, if I went forward with this, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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lMsrF2HCQ3MB2ot6KfzEIHLW31F1YP6l | aqtkrg | {
"description": "lending my car",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for lending my car | &#x200B;
My gf would like to borrow my car and drive 250km in the weekend to see her family. She's leaving her own car behind due to leasing-rules etc.
I told her a 'thank you' would be ind order for borrowing my car but she thinks not and left angry because "she left a car behind".
Guys, am I the asshole for expecting a 'thank you' when she borrows my car, despite her leaving hers behind? | HISTORICAL | {
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GDtPeelMlR04e2Fqbaw1u0V4g251dm8A | aqfebb | {
"description": "being scared of my father for something that happened 8 years ago",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA: I'm scared of my father for something that happened 8 years ago. | Before I tell this story, I need to make something clear. My father has never been drunk and does not do drugs. This was the only time he has done something like this.
(I'm 13 years old RN) When I was 5 years old, me and my sister kept messing around and my dad kept telling us to stop & we did for a little bit. Soon, we went to the kitchen to get food & we started to play-fight. We kept lightly kicking and hitting each other. Apparently, I kicked Mia (my sister) a little too hard and she started to cry. My dad had enough. He stormed over and he yelled at me to go to my room. He followed me in. He pushed me onto my bed and kicked me twice. Both times, he didn't hit me too hard, and he said "Do you like it when someone kicks you!?" It was only to prove a point, but I'm still kinda hurt/traumatized? I feel like I shouldn't, but I still don't completely trust him. We had and still have a great relationship so nothing else was affected. | HISTORICAL | {
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A6ALaHYvesYbGiicDX92DXpORmouH7Bb | avxgcg | {
"description": "not helping my parents",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not helping my parents? | Throwaway cos I’m not sure if my family know my normal account.
Backstory: Me and my brother have a strained relationship atm, he’s a bit younger than me and we just don’t get on that much in general. It all came to a head in the last few days and haven’t really spoken much since.
My brother has an activity that last for an hour which is about 30 mins away. My dad usually takes him but he is sick with a bad cold. My mom is busy and so they asked me if I would take him. I said I’d rather not because I thought we’d just end up fighting. He coerced me into dropping him off.
So we go off and the car journey is silent, occasional bits of conversation but nothing much. On my way back my dad asks me if I’ll wait with him and bring him home, I replied I’m already on my way home. Plus my mom had asked if I would get some stuff on my way back. As I get home my dad leaves to pick my brother up.
I feel bad that I sorta made my dad go and get my brother but I had explained to him why I didn’t really want to. Plus I feel like I’m being petty, but at the same time I don’t really want to do things for someone who I’m not getting on with (my brother COULD get public transport if he had to). I should probably head to family problems for advice after this tbh, it’s been going on for a while. :/
Sorry for the vagueness but I don’t want to be too specific. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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rPd1OT1mJ6TKLzckxjRED2NrueDRZqIy | ag97gq | {
"description": "wanting to sleep in a different room",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to sleep in a different room? | On mobile sorry if formatting sucks. For context, my boyfriend/fiancé of 5 yrs and I share a bedroom. We are the only people renting our four bedroom house. At night when I go to go to sleep, he stays up sometimes upwards of 4 or more hours on his computer which is in the same room. He insists on keeping the lights on and tries to block the door if I try to go to one of the other rooms to sleep. Acts like I'm horrible for not wanting to be in the same room. Honestly I just want to be able to sleep without having lights in my eyes. AITA?? | HISTORICAL | {
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qsKQs1SSvX2QpoBAQ3ulX1SRdJ3KQPlp | akq5j7 | {
"description": "deleting dead people off my facebook friends list",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I delete dead people off my facebook friends list? | I was just sitting with my friends and got lost in thought. Is it whatever to just delete people off my freinds list who have died, or does it make me an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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9xQShH4B4muHxTinBc7aWmSwFyEuM5GL | ak6u1p | {
"description": "telling my partner she can't buy a new car",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my partner she can't buy a new car? | Hi.
We bought a house. Our salaries are different (>2:1 ratio). We had a chat before we agreed on the purchase that as long as we are on the same page financially I would have no qualms spending more on mortgage/bills/renovations.
Over the last year I have paid 25% more in the joint account that goes into food spends, nights out, mortgage and bills. I spent all my realised savings on house renovations and currently saving hard for a new kitchen. She tells me today that at the end of 2019 she wants to buy a new car.
I told her I thought our plan was to save for a new kitchen. She asked me why she can't buy a new car. I asked her if she could use new car money to contribute for kitchen instead.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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HFOtFRmE5LriNTBdcr3QzcZNmZG3ZT25 | b35kei | {
"description": "driving around this guy at starbucks",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for driving around this guy at Starbucks? | Hey first time posting.
This happened 2 days ago figured id give this a shot.
So i was driving and decided to stop and grab a drink at starbucks. I pull in behind this SUV, the SUV drives around a White Caddie thats parked in the drive thru lane but also next to the door. The Suv drove around the Caddie figure it was waiting for someone grabbing a coffee.
The SUV i assumed went into the drive thru so i thought okay ill drive around and get in line. I drove around the car and saw an SUV. Oh! I was right okay nbd. i was positioned poorly because the car was blocking the proper direction i should be in.
Next thing i know the guy in the white car is honking at me guy rolls down his window and starts yelling at me. Typical douche looking white guy with his bangs spiked up. I apologize, and explain to him what was happening. Honest mistake. He’s aggressive and yelling typical hey asshole, yada yada, going on about how he wasnt going into the cross walk i was on(its a cross walk to a dumpster cage in a private parking lot. I frequent this place often its common when theres a line for a car to be there).
He then yells at me to back up which i did im not a dick if that was his spot its his. Then he doesnt apologize to me he apologizes to the drive through lady for honking while he ordering his stupidly complicated regular coffee.
So the question is Am i the asshole for driving around him or is he the asshole for going agro on me? | HISTORICAL | {
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KTnV86VnNSWQzmGlTjlXqdYvBRzKZHY4 | an8gv2 | null | AITA: Wife is the only one who wants to move, rest of our family aren't excited about it | So, please read through, this will be a bit of a long one.
My wife and I have been living in a house that we have fully paid off for the past 9 years. The house is good, it has almost everything we've ever wanted, but it's missing a few niceties.
We have two children, 13(m) and 9(f). Our son goes into highschool next year, and our daughter into grade 5.
My wife has the following issues with our house right now:
* No mud room from the garage
* No space for two vehicles to park in the garage
* Small yard
Now, neither of our kids play in our yard, they go to the neighbourhood park. The garage, due to configuration, is a two car that can't hold two full cars, but we always have it full of seasonal equipment (bikes, snowblower, lawnmower, etc.) on one side anyways.
Here's where the AITA thing comes in...
She wants to move. She is driven to move, and wants us all to be as driven as she is. But myself and the kids, we're all actually happy here. We like this house, we like the neighbourhood (both kids have many friends nearby), the school options are great, and it's close to her work (and I work from home 100% minus some occasional travel).
We're also close (5 minutes away) from my parents so if I am traveling, since they are retired, they can come look after our kids as needed before or after school.
She's upset, yelling at me just before I came down to ask this, saying that I'm an asshole for not being on board with this moving thing. But I am actually. I may not want to, but I most assuredly am on board and working towards it. When we were discussing it, I recommend she email our realtor and ask her questions. She flat out refused so I went ahead and did it. Every house she has wanted to visit with an open house, I get her and the kids together and we go. I don't say anything negative, I point out what works and what positives are there, and I ask questions as someone who is absolutely engaged in the process.
I don't shut down, I don't disagree with her, and I don't make faces or any other body language indicating that I don't want to move.
I've asked her multiple times to speak directly with the kids about moving, what that means to move, where we're looking to move, etc., but she refuses to do that.
But, tonight, she said she had a three week plan to get the house all ready to move, and it involved a long list of things that I know I won't get any help with (painting the trim through three floors of house, painting bathrooms, power washing outside, etc.). She'll clean and declutter, and get the kids to do the same in their rooms, but the bulk of this is on me to prep for the move.
As I sat at dinner and thought about all of the work she wanted done, and the time I have to do it in, I was concerned. I said, "hey. honey, that might be tight, there's a lot there that you want me to get done in very short time". She snapped back at me, and then I sat, and said nothing.
After dinner, I got yelled at, a lot. About not supporting her. But I am, I really am, regardless of how I feel about it.
I said to her, "Look, you really need to understand, you are the only one who is really driven to move. The rest of us are pretty happy here, and don't particularly want to move, but we're all on board. I wish you could understand and appreciate that we're all on board with this move, despite how we feel about it".
She then cried and yelled at me more about how I don't support her and what she wants.
So, thanks for hanging in there on this post, but I really need to know, AITA here? I'm being supportive and honest, and very involved, in this whole process. But the kids and I, well, we don't want to move. | HISTORICAL | {
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m83Dqbw53KnQHlOjjH6UAdhNdynwLa3H | b4c9lm | {
"description": "wanting my husband to kick out his brother and gf",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my husband to kick out his brother and gf? | Without getting into too many details my brother in law & his girlfriend have lived rent free with us for 2 years. My husband and I have been married for 4 years, together for 8. I lived on and off in our 2 bedroom apartment until last fall because he's military and I had an out of state full scholarship. I recently graduated and moved back permanently. I wasn't aware that they weren't paying the agreed upon rent until recently. We won't go broke because of it, but it will hurt our savings for when he's out of the military next year. They did watch our cat while he was deployed and I was in school. I'm trying to stay as objective as possible with details.
Now the bad stuff:
Their two dogs have been increasingly aggressive towards people and other animals. The younger one has bitten (drawn blood) my BIL several times when he has to rip the dogs apart from fighting each other (multiple times a week). They waited a very long time to fix him, which is most likely part of the problem. Both of them go after our cats, and one of them attacked a dog on a walk when he got off the leash. They refuse to do anything and tell me I shouldn't get between the cat and dog because they might hurt me, yet tell me the cat can fend for itself. The dogs also never stop screetching when I am trying to sleep. I averaged 4.5h sleep the whole month of February despite staying in bed for 8-10h (thanks Fitbit). It's not really barking, but this high pitch howling that I can't drowned out with earplugs, two fans, and white noise headphones. When I ask them to keep them quiet so my husband and I can sleep I get childish snarky "K." responses. Furthermore, I found out she's been posting our conversation and trashing me on social media through a mutual friend who didn't think it was right. I'm not that upset as idc about social media, other than it's childish and disrespectful when you live here rent free.
My things & food keep going missing, getting misused, or getting broken, without any explanation or replacement. I understand things break and stuff happens. I'm very clumsy too, but there have been many items every time I open the cupboards or closets. The most recent was our vacuum is suddenly broken, and I know I didn't do it since I only use it on Sundays.
The GF has almost burnt down the apartment 2x because she leaves the oven and leaves the apartment! Not on accident, but actually cooking something and thinks it's okay to just goes to the store or take the dogs for a long walk (not out to the bathroom). Luckily I've been around to literally put out the fire. After the first time we made it clear that wasn't okay. The last straw was when I woke up to a smoky apartment again this week!
There's been a few other things, but these are the major instances. I hate to leave a marriage because I can't stand living here but I see no end in sight and I am literally going insane!
| HISTORICAL | {
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Vbg9FCWjDFVRsIQNjpTssWqiBL59lJXK | at7p3m | {
"description": "scheduling a vacation that overlaps with a coworker's and thus cutting hers a nit short",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for scheduling a vacation that overlaps with a coworker’s and thus cutting hers a nit short? | Context—So my coworker and I are technically not allowed to be on vacation at the same time due to us being the only two people in our department, and no one else can do our jobs effectively.
I told her ahead of time that I would be scheduling a vacation on the third week of April due to school vacation for my brother. she told me that she was going to do so too, but would defer to my vacation since I mentioned it first. She emails our manager stating as much.
Today, she told me that she was going for 3 days + the weekend preceding but told me to double check which days I am off. I told her I would be taking 3 days plus the weekend after, as well as leaving a little bit early the day before my official vacation start to catch a late afternoon flight. I emailed my manager and told him that I will be leaving only about an hour’s worth of work behind for her.
So now she has to cut her vacation short by a full day.
TL DR—scheduling conflict caused my coworker to cut her vacation short by 1 day. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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FMz06E46nzWQnlvFHfmenm80zFeqRluJ | ac8tj8 | {
"description": "losing interest in a girl because of her dead boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for losing interest in a girl because of her dead boyfriend? | So there's this girl I met on tinder who's really cool and we had fun on our date, but I left it feeling weird. We were having relatively average and first date kind of awkward conversation, when tattoos came up. She has several, two of which are memorial tattoos for a boyfriend who passed away 5 years back. I'd never judge for that, but then she kept talking about him and how great he was. Fine, I guess, but looking back, that was the most passionate she was during the entire date. The way her eyes lit up while talking about him kind of got to me. I'm not jealous by any means, but I feel like this girl has a hole in her heart and that even if we were to have a good relationship, I'd be living it in his shadow. She'll occasionally send me cute pictures of her, which I'm always a fan of, but when I see those tattoos on her arm, I'm just reminded that I will never compare to this dude... At least that's how I feel about it...
Anyway, am I the asshole for slowly losing interest in her? | HISTORICAL | {
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q9szExKjCu7XwYvOjLVWvhSl9M0vED3m | arlog3 | {
"description": "wanting my roommate to clean during his turn even though I got some help during my turn",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting my roommate to clean during his turn even though I got some help during my turn? | After the thousandth petty argument with my roommate, I figured I should bring one of them over here and see what opinions I can get. Warning; extremely petty.
Backstory: I (23M) live with a roommate (23M) in a two-person student apartment. We've known each other since we were kids, and we're currently both studying abroad for our master's courses. We're good friends, but we argue a lot about stupid things, even more so ever since we started living under the same roof.
The best system that works for us is having a structured system of turns whenever we have to do household chores. I cook one day and he washes up, then he cooks the other day and I wash up. I clean the place one week. He cleans the place the other week. And so on. We try and keep these things clear and agreed upon in advance to avoid arguments.
I have slowly accepted that I have much higher cleaning standards than he does. Every Sunday when it's my turn to clean, I spend 3-5 hours straight and am *somewhat* thorough (or, the word my friend likes to use, "obsessed"). When he cleans, he's done in an hour tops. He wipes off some kitchen surfaces, vacuums the fitted carpet, and washes the floors.
After he's done cleaning, it's very common for there to be visible oil stains around the walls in the kitchen, bits of food caked onto the counter, soap scum in the drains, pieces of onion/garlic skin scattered in the cupboard or on the floor, pubic hairs around the bathroom floor, facial hair around the bathroom sink, dust on the surfaces he didn't bother to clean, etc etc. All of this gets on my nerves, but he says he doesn't care about it. I'm no cleaning fanatic or anything (in fact, I don't enjoy cleaning at all), but I like the *results* of cleaning and enjoy living in a well-kept place, so I do put effort into it.
Either way, he has different standards of cleanliness and I've come to accept that if I want the place to be clean enough, I'll have to put in 4x the amount of time he does to get it to that state. Everyone has different standards and I can't force him to abide to mine.
Now for the argument. My parents or his parents sometimes come over to visit from our home country and stay on our sofa bed. They generously help us out with the cleaning when they come. Whenever it's my turn to clean and my parents are over, I usually help out with cleaning too, but each time, my roommate insists that I didn't help enough and that it doesn't "count as a turn", so I would still need to clean the next week.
Last week, my parents came over again, and I spent around 1h30min helping them clean. I vacuumed, did the bathroom surfaces, washed the floors, and changed the vacuum cleaner bag. Of course, an hour and a half of cleaning is not as long as I usually spend, since my parents helped a lot too. Today comes, and the same thing happens. I tell him he should be cleaning, he says it's still my turn because my parents were over last week to help. I get a little tired of this excuse (or at least, what I perceive to be an excuse) and have a go at him.
His arguments are "you didn't do everything by yourself last time, your parents helped you" and "you can't just change a system - when parents come over the previous times and helped with cleaning, we never skipped a turn".
My main argument is that, despite having help, I still spent more time cleaning last week than he does on average when it's his turn (which he didn't deny). He now refuses to clean, putting me in a position where I have to either clean for this week too or put up with a dirty house for another week. As someone who is genuinely quite tired of having the burden of a lot of the house upkeep being on me and is also busy with other things today, I really don't want to be the one to clean again, so I'm quite annoyed.
TL;DR: My roommate and I have a turn-based weekly cleaning agreement. I have higher cleaning standards than him so I spend around 3-5 times the amount of time he spends cleaning when it's my turn. Last week, my parents came over and helped me with the cleaning. Despite the help, I still spent more time cleaning than he usually does. He still insisted that I didn't do my due for that week since I had help and that I should spend my day cleaning again this week. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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0usb5HZ4C1BO0Cs4DgEOp3sfv2idou2G | arljs4 | {
"description": "cutting my family out of all family celebrations",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting my family out of all family celebrations? | Namely birthdays, but some other stuff as well.
Long story short, I was born on NYE and New Year is a fairly big thing in my family. As far as I can remember the only things I'd get for my birthday were a cake and a present with the line "this is for St. Nicholas' Day, Christmas and your birthday." Sometime during middle school I stopped giving a damn about the NYE and NY, and I'd spend most of the time either helping out in the kitchen or playing Diablo 2 (that became some sort of tradition for me).
Note: I'm in mid-20s, living in a family house. Not unusual in my area.
Fast forward to some years back. There used to be a bistro nearby which was going to close with Jan 1st. I found out around mid-November. They had this one weekly special which I always wanted to try - there's a large bit of prep time and the taste is never "right" if you make it at home. I pitched the idea to celebrate my birthday there to my mom, who thought it was a great idea and we pitched the idea to grandparents. Problem was the last good opportunity to do so was the next day. Anyway, Grandpa was silent, and the Grandma's response was "We went somewhere yesterday so we don't feel like going anywhere tomorrow. I cooked food for two days. And it's not a good time to waste money. And next week [duties] start, so we won't have the time." Later, mom told me grandma was right, that just the two of us will celebrate it at a similar bistro at some future point in time and it was left at that.
That year, between Christmas and New Year, I simply disappeared right before lunch. No notice or anything. It's something I just don't do. I went to a Chinese restaurant. The context is I've been trying to go with _anyone_ for years, but never did. My friends are either on the other side of the country or spread around the globe, so that leaves my mom who always stalled (for various reasons, some of them financial) until I gave up.
Next year I had a minor thing to celebrate, family tradition. From the start it was stressed as _my_ celebration. I got home one day from work, done surprisingly early, only to be greeted with "I'm glad you're here! We're celebrating your thing on Sunday with Y, but no one feels like dressing and going there, so we want you to go there, pick up the food to-go and bring it here." This was a month after we talked and I explained what and where I wanted to do/have. From everything I heard, I had no reason to think that conversation wasn't forgotten, so I went with my original plan.
That year's birthday party is what I count as the only birthday celebration I had with my family in the past ~8 years, rather than being present at a party celebrating my birthday (which was always pushed aside for sparkling wine and fireworks). I had to effectively emotionally blackmail everyone involved to get to celebrate how I wanted. No one complained about the food, ambience or anything, only had constructive criticism about some stuff.
And then comes the last year, where my mom asked me what I wanted to have for my birthday. I told her X, Y or Z. Her response was "Those are okay ideas, but I don't like them for this occasion, so I'll make H and D." I nodded, helped her search for the recipe she wanted and went to celebrate on my own two weeks later.
Each time except the first, there was a massive argument with my mom. I explained where I went and why I went there. Primary emotion driving me was always anger. In her case, she was always viscerally hurt by me excluding her from my birthday. Pointing out I always felt excluded from _my_ birthday... didn't help.
After the last time, she basically swore off ever doing anything for my birthday again - until I deem her worthy of celebrating with me.
So... am I the asshole? And writing this did feel a bit therapeutic. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EC9bApMnleuKRUOusg0t8qKnQGjqJBET | asy9yg | {
"description": "asking my bf to stop drinking liquor",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my BF to stop drinking liquor? | So about 6months ago, my BF and I kept fighting about his drinking. He can’t just have one drink or a few beers....he always blacked out. I would then stop drinking to make sure we got home with keys/phones/wallets etc. I would be the one to make sure he didn’t fall asleep on the table- yet I ALWAYS got blamed for “wanting” to leave the bars. He would constantly tell his friends I was the one making him go home...yes, bc of his drinking. The last straw was when he embarrassed me in front of family and friends. He wouldn’t stop drinking when out for a family bday dinner. I told him it was enough, to stop and I was told to “fucking get over it already”. At that point I was done.
He told me he stopped drinking liquor after that. But he typically returned to hometown without me, due to school/work schedule. Going home is like a trigger-he can’t NOT drink. And he mostly drinks liquor.
Well found out he lied repeatedly about doing shots when home one weekend. I lost my shit, promised to be done with him if he couldn’t stop lying and drinking. It’s been good ever since that long talk.
Then, we go out last weekend. It’s been two months since the long talk. And what does he order at the bar? Liquor. I made a comment, he drank the drink and switched to beer. It was wrong that I just accepted that he had a liquor drink.
A few days later we make plans to return to hometown and the drinking comes up. Y’all, he was pissed- it was only drink he claims! And makes a comment about the bloody Mary’s we had a few weeks ago and I made no comment. (We honestly never go to brunch, and I don’t consider a Bloody Mary to be a “drink” I know it sounds weird but again we have them rarely and it never turns into him being drunk). So all this after less than two months ago I told him to either stop or I’m done. Alcoholism is a huge factor in both our families, and the signs are all there that he’s developing a problem. For context, been together almost four years. This is new behavior from him. But it’s been a problem for long enough that I’m worried. And exhausted. And scared for the future.
Black outs, lies, excessive drinking, hiding it from me, inability to say no, etc...
So AITA for asking him to stop drinking, and if he can’t, I walk away? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P2j3f6rG0uHLtaWg9J2EbJkgJPb7dnFs | b4mvgn | {
"description": "not helping out around the house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping out around the house? | I was yelled at today for not helping out around the house, but last Saturday I had sprained my ankle and it got re hurt on Thursday night. I was asleep on the couch after I had walked the dogs, but when I woke up everyone was upset with me for not moving stuff off the patio outside. They all walked past me several times without waking me up, and all know that I can barely walk. They except me do a lot of heavy lifting and I feel bad about it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
N2T90HZpaVQIal5rdborlzTRsPv3hoah | anjbut | {
"description": "getting mad at my so for not telling me his blood sugar is low when I try calling him or when we have to go somewhere",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at my SO for not telling me his blood sugar is low when I try calling him or when we have to go somewhere? | So the title is kinda confusing and I’m sorry for that but my SO has diabetes and has had it since he was younger. In our relationship, idk why but I’m responsible for calling him to get up early in the morning for school or if we have to do something.
Sometimes he tells me he’s really sick or doesn’t feel well when he gets up so he doesn’t answer me when I call. Like we go to the gym every morning and today I called him 4 times to get up. He answered on the 4th time and sounded fine and I thought he was going to get ready. Well come to the time where he leaves to come pick me up, I call him and he tells me that he didn’t feel well and that he felt really low. I get frustrated saying that I got ready early and that he should’ve told me but he says that sometimes he can’t get up or do anything due to his blood sugar being low. But I don’t understand why he wouldn’t tell me that he didn’t feel good from the start, and he usually did that before we started going to the gym in the morning. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9V6Q014Mc5kCpQsm95yDirNYSjFIrj6Q | aqc06k | {
"description": "divorcing my wife even though I know we love each other",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for divorcing my wife even though I know we love each other? | # Intro
We had a long-distance relationship for 2 years. 4 months ago we got married. A month ago we broke up. In 3 days we're getting divorced.
I think I still love her. Or at least I miss her – I think about her every hour, every day.
I believe she still loves me. I know she thinks about us, views our photos, at least sometimes.
The problem is – I've always loved her more than she loved me. My parents loved us more than she or her mother would allow. This ruined everything.
&#x200B;
# Part I. Context
Many years ago we dated for a month. We were kids, I didn't know what to do with the whole dating thing, I didn't really need it, so I left her. I didn't have any break-up experience, so I just started ignoring her – stopped answering calls and seeing her. I hurt her.
Through the years, we moved and settled in different countries. Two years ago I invited her to a concert, she agreed. We met, and then we spent the whole night and day just talking about what had happened a long time ago. I was apologizing, giving excuses, explaining that I was a kid, and I'm a different person now. She was very careful, because she remembered all the pain I caused her previously.
I was convincing her to try and start all over again. I was pulling, she was resisting. I wanted to move forward, she wanted to slow down. This was the foundation of our relationship.
When I said "I love you" for the first time (ever, in my whole life), she didn't say it back. For weeks I was telling her that, and for weeks she couldn't say it back, until one day I pushed on her by asking whether she loves me. And this was just one of the things; at some point I had a note where I would write down all the things that felt painful to me – some sort of a mini-diary, just because I didn't want to discuss this with anyone. I didn't have anyone to discuss this with. Basically, it was a list of examples of how I cared for her more than she did for me.
I loved her. She was slowly falling in love.
&#x200B;
# Part II. Have Love, Will Travel
After some time, things got much better. We got close, really close. I deleted the note, I didn't feel any of those things anymore. We built trust, we were the closest friends. We had the most amazing sex. We would completely understand each other.
Geographically, we were still living in different time zones. We spent hours video-chatting every day, and we saw each other every other weekend – usually I would fly to her, occasionally she would fly to me or we would both fly somewhere. This was a very romantic period: every travel, every hour together, every destination – it was all bringing so much pleasure and excitement.
However, I still wanted just a bit more than she did. I wanted to move in together – I was ready, and she wasn't quite yet. I wanted us to spend some time with our parents when we were on holidays in our home country, while she preferred seeing friends. During our weekends together, I wanted to get a feeling of a household – I wanted to cook together, maybe do some housework, while she preferred going out for long walks and dinners.
But we respected each other. I would try not to push too hard on her, and agreed when she was saying "it is a bit too soon, isn't it?". She would try to do some things I wanted us to do, and agreed when I was saying "it is a right thing to do, isn't it?". I was slowing myself down, she was pushing herself out from her comfort zone. This helped us stay together, keep the balance, and slowly gravitate towards each other.
10 months ago, we got engaged. We couldn't be happier about it, it meant so much! In addition to all the romantic thoughts and feelings, practically, we got 1 step closer to moving in together: we still lived in different countries, and we needed to get married to get visas and eventually move in.
Everything was perfect, except from one thing. Have you noticed the small "friends before parents" thing?
&#x200B;
# Part III. Parents
*Her dad*. In her family, her father is an outcast. Her parents don't really live together: her father sometimes stays over at home, but often travel to his parents (who live in a different city). Her mother doesn't talk to her father much, and she herself almost hates her father: she was telling me that her dad hurt her mom many times, was never there for her, and never cared about their daughter.
*Her mom*. She absolutely loves her. She is the only child in the family, so their shared dislike of father made them each other's most important person in the world.
*Her grandparents*. Paternal grandparents were never welcome, for same reasons as father: never cared for their granddaughter enough. They also tried to get into her parents' family's business, and never respected the boundaries. Maternal grandparents, however, are extremely close to her. From what I heard, the maternal grandparents were always there for her mom and dad, but never annoyed them. On her parents' wedding day, the grandfather told them: "If you need us, just let us know; if not – we won't disturb you".
*Summary*: Father and grandparents are bad. Mother and grandparents are the best. Independence of the young family is very important and has to be respected.
—————
&#x200B;
*My parents*. My family is another end of the spectrum: we're all linked, all dependent, all care for each other. My parents are together for 27 years now, their relationship is built on trust and care for each other, for their parents and their children. We all know what's happening in each other's lives. My parents were always my closest friends and advisors, no matter the subject.
Ever since I moved to a different country 3 years ago, I was calling them every single day, 7/365. By the age of 16-ish, I concluded that family is the single most important thing in one's life; family is the sense of life, and without a family, life doesn't make sense. I still think so.
*My grandparents.* Same story: my parents loved and respected my grandparents. There were no secrets, open communication, everybody was sharing love. Only paternal grandmother is still alive, and my dad calls her every single day, 7/365. Every other weekend parents travel to her to a different city to bring her food, since she is too weak to cook.
*Summary*: My family is strong, and is based on communication between everyone.
—————
&#x200B;
Since the day we met, my parents couldn't wait to see my girlfriend. They wanted to know her, they wanted to spend at least some time with her. They welcomed her in our family, invited her parents multiple times when we were both away from our home country. My parents wanted to unite two families; based on the success of my parents in building their own family, I thought they're right.
Since the day we met, my girlfriend perceived this as pressure. Her parents would find excuses to reject my parents' invitations. She couldn't understand why my parents want so badly to meet her. She defended her right to see her friends instead of my parents whenever we were visiting our home country on short holidays. She said that it's too soon, and there will be time for meeting my parents closer. She wanted my parents to stay cool and keep some distance; based on the intrusiveness of her paternal grandparents into her parents' family life, she thought my parents are wrong.
I took my girlfriend's side. I asked my parents to be cool and let us do whatever we want; they couldn't understand us, but agreed to obey. They were concerned that their future daughter-in-law would avoid them, but kept hoping that things will change over time.
I started building a wall between us and my parents.
&#x200B;
# Part IV. Pots And Pans
*3 months before the wedding.* She and I decided that we'll ask parents to give us money instead of presents for the wedding. I mentioned this to my parents, but never emphasized enough.
*2 months before the wedding.* My parents buy us a set of expensive high-tech kitchenware, and ask us to choose between two sets of silverware. This was a huge blooper: culturally, sharp things are never given as presents – that is considered to bring bad luck. My parents genuinely haven't thought about that, and neither have I.
I bring the news to my girlfriend, she gets super angry: "Your parents did not respect our request to give money instead of presents, I don't want any of those pots in my house, and now your mom tries to bring a bunch of sharp knifes to our wedding". While I totally agree with her, I don't like her tone and anger: my parents wished nothing but the best, and they didn't deserve the blame. We stop talking for a day – for the first time in our relationship.
In the evening she calls me, and asks why I didn't call. "Remember how you ignored me many years ago? Do you want it all to repeat? ... You don't have the right to be angry at me just because I'm angry at you. ... How could you do this just before our wedding? This wasn't a man's act, and now I don't know how to marry such a man". On that last phrase she hangs up and switches off the phone.
Hysteria. 2 months before the wedding such a small (as I thought) fight turns into an "I'm not sure how to marry you now" situation. I'm terrified, I think I can lose her. 9pm, I book a flight to her country. 3am, I'm catching a bus to the airport. 9am, I'm in her city. I came to talk; to be honest, I was hoping that flying to a different country in 12 hours just to talk would show her how much I love her.
Her mom was visiting her that week. This doesn't happen often, and she values every single hour with her mom. So instead of a hug, a kiss, a tear, I get another accusation: I should've respected her time with her mother, and I should not have come.
* One - I didn't protect her from my parents who bought us a present we didn't want.
* Two - I started the drama by not messag | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
CMtiZkR3iqYYmFyDDt57toZ4LgjNXcTF | 9xeoez | {
"description": "a angrily calling my apartment complex after the third party construction workers kept using my electricity for other apartments' repair",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for a angrily calling my apartment complex after the third party construction workers kept using my electricity for other apartments’ repair? | So for the past 3-4 weeks there has been a third party construction company replacing doors, stairs, and other external pieces of the apartments.
Most of the apartments do not have power outlets outside but mine does and it’s right next to my front door. It’s also on the same circuit as my TV, home server, desktop, and multiple other expensive electronic devices.
There is also a building that the apartment uses for storage which has power a few doors down from mine.
The workers plugged their extension cord to my power outlet and ran it to their tools (about a 100 foot extension cord and about 20 different power tools plugged in to it). Connected for about 10 hours per day.
When I first saw this I called the apartment and asked if they would be compensating me for the use of my electricity. They said the amount used was negligible. I got upset and hung up. Later that night, they went to unplug the tools and it flipped a breaker. The worker was nice about it and apologized and I asked why they didn’t use the complex’s power instead of mine. They didn’t speak English very well so they didn’t understand the question.
The next day they plugged in to my outlet again and I went outside and found some of the maintenance staff that is on the apartments team rather than third party and explained the situation to them. They told me that I could contact the office with my complaint. So I did. This time they said they’d pay the difference in my bill compared to last month’s bill.
The next 2 days were uneventful. Using my power but there was nothing I could do.
Then they plugged in again and my power immediately went out. Went outside angrily and yelled at the workers (both third party and staff were outside at this time) because I had brought this up a few times at this point. They apologized and said they had been drawing power from multiple people not just mine (this is a lie. I walked around the complex looking to see if they were using other peoples power on the first day and saw only mine being used).
The next morning after this they plugged in to mine again. What do you know the breaker flips and my power goes off (this is now three unplanned power offs of my home server that I use for development and file storage and other uptime-sensitive things)
I called the office once more this time furious asking if they’re going to be replacing all my electronics because this problem has been presented to them and they’ve done nothing about it. They sent the third party company’s project manager to talk to me. He apologized and told me it wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t have so many devices plugged in to MY POWER THAT IM PAYING FOR). He moved the plug to the one that is paid for by the apartment complex. The workers continued working. It hasn’t been a problem since. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7SHTY5xhbqYAaFculOiXX4PB0RWgqwTJ | as4oz5 | {
"description": "questioning the validity of someone's \"art\" they're selling",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for questioning the validity of someone's "art" they're selling? | Am I the asshole here? So, I have a digital art business, that right now is used mostly for making twitch setups, emotes, badges, portraits, and logos. All sorts of stuff. In my spare time, I like to browse twitter (not fiverr because there's way too many scams and not enough time in the day) and find people who have 1) stolen emotes 2) traced other people's emotes or 3) used google images to 'make' emotes and then sell them.
Enter in someone who has (in my eyes) clearly used an art program for removing backgrounds (which i mind), and maybe one for cartoonizing people (which i don't mind) to make an emote. They have a set of four posted, all of which set off the "google images pasted together" alarm in my head. I make a reply to it, stating that they google their images for their emotes. (Again, this is just something I do, and I haven't been even close to wrong until today. Don't know whether I'm wrong or not yet, but that's not what this is about.)
Let me see if I can add in images here. [Here's the emote in question](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/543130282132242432/547216511518113822/unknown.png), posting the "proof" she made it. I said something along the lines of "okay, thanks for the proof. It just looks like it was pasted together, that's all."
Her friend's attacking me constantly since then, saying I'm "jealous of her art" though in my opinion, mine has one clean style throughout and doesn't look like four people made different parts of the emote. There are apps that remove backgrounds, apps that remove colors making things transparent, and apps that basically make putting these together easy as heck so you can just paste all this together, color it in, and sell it for profit.
As someone who draws things from scratch, and is friends with a bunch of others who also draw from scratch, it sucks to see people cheating the system and scamming. So, after my post, I've said multiple times that I saw the proof and it was fine, it only resembled other emotes that are pasted together. (my opinion is different, but that's what i said to the person).
Am I the asshole for pointing out that their art looked like it was pasted together from google and then acknowledging that their proof showed otherwise? Their friend seems to think so, with all the messages they've been posting. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
sdfj3SI62UT2MXpDgra80f5tqrPCisBr | aopopw | {
"description": "telling my friend to slow down when eating",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling my friend to slow down when eating | Today I was at a party and my friend was eating a donut really aggressively, I'm talking about half the donut was gone in one bite. So I jokingly tell her slow down it's not going anywhere cause I've seen people choke like that. I didn't think anything of it and continued on with my day. About 2 hours later after I'm leaving the gym my other friend text me stating that I hurt her feelings by saying this and I should watch how I say stuff next time. At this point I'm a little annoyed because the friend I told to slow down has said stuff way worse than "slow down" to us guys in the group. I'm talking about saying Little dick, Twink and bunch of other stuff. We have thick skin and just brush it off but as soon as we retaliate she always says she's a sensitive person so we shouldn't be mean. What I'm mad about is how tf does me saying slow down when scoffing down a donut offend you?I have screenshots if you guys would like to see this absurdity.I wanna know what you guys think and want to know if I'm missing something here?
Tldr; told my friend to slow down when eating,e friend text me saying I hurt her feelings even though she's say way more hurtful shit | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
1S02h9gdC8rAOsxUzhdDJ2tMYWvFoYgm | aw507q | {
"description": "having a go at my flatmate about his messiness",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For having a go at my flatmate about his messiness? | I live with my flatmate, he is my best friend and I love him. We both study at university and both have part time jobs. He also has an active social life and goes out clubbing or drinking at least 4 nights a week.
We live in a beautiful flat, but I am the only one who cleans. I do the washing up, cleaning, hoovering, literally everything. I can count on one hand the amount of times he's taken the bin out in the 10 months we've lived together.
I told him enough is enough and that he needs to start doing more. I wrote him a list of things that need doing, and said he has to do it all before he goes out. He got annoyed and said I'm like his mum and that I can't ask him to do chores when he doesn't have time, as he needs to meet his girlfriend or go to work.
Am I the asshole for writing this list and trying to make him do it?
TLDR/flatmate is messy and refuses to clean | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lyQNjGT41djf7G70b23o3jYCDfguSvqv | azbuv9 | {
"description": "blocking my online friend on everything",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for blocking my online friend on everything? | I’m on mobile so, sorry if the formatting is weird.
She’s been putting me down a lot lately with a lot of the things I do. I told her I decided to do a birth-week thing for fun with my boyfriends boyfriend, and she made a comment saying “Yikes. You’re one of “those” people”. Everything I do or say is “yikes” with a rude comment following it either making me feel like I did something wrong, or shitty. She tends to make me feel stupid, and speaks about me as if I’m just gonna be some druggie whore in the future. I could be overreacting about this, but being talked down to overtime is starting to bother me.
Not only that, but she’s very private about of her life, and I get that some people are like that, but in this situation I just find it weird. When she and I text, she’s always talking about all this cool stuff she does with her friends and how amazing they are. From the things she tells me, it’s like her life is entirely a movie since all these things are always going on.
They seem cool, yeah. Whenever I ask to meet/talk to them though, she just refuses, makes up some excuse to why I can’t, or completely ignores the question. It doesn’t even need to be specifically about the friend, I’ll just ask to see a drawing her friend made and it’ll be the same thing. Maybe it’s just me, but something always felt weird about that?
It put me off that she would tell me how I was one of her closest friends, and thought of me as a real life friend, but would keep me excluded from pretty much anything going on in her life, while I included her in things. She’s currently closer friends to my ex-friend (ex-friend for other reasons), meanwhile I don’t know anyone or anything she does. It made me wonder if anything she’s even said was true in the first place, and this whole time I’ve been believing this fake life she’s been portraying. I don’t know if I’m just overthinking things or what.
These are the more recent things, but she’s done worse, and I don’t think I want to deal with this kind of thing for another two years. She knows a lot of personal things about me (which is my fault for telling her), and I’m afraid she’ll tell my ex-friend, and then have him tell everybody, but I would rather deal with that drama than with her again.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EOjWxrVgAn9nXosef3kFPVltfQnU3qnJ | a09lgc | {
"description": "making fun of someone else's dead family member",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for making fun of someone else’s dead family member | This has happened about 3 years ago in 9th grade. So me and this girl were pretty good friends. We would roast each other and stuff. She would often out-roast me because she would talk about my mother and sister saying how they are all whores. There was nothing I could do because If I roasted her family I knew she would get upset and try to fight me or something like that, so I just let her roast my family. This would happen everyday in school, and it got to the point where I didn’t want to go to school because of her and everyone would laugh at me because her jokes were funny. So eventually, I just stopped being her friend. She saw this and asked me why I stopped being her friend. I ignored her. Then she said is it because I make fun of your family? I’ll stop. Then. I was relieved but she still continued to do it anyways. She’d even make fun of my dead aunt with her friend and they would both gang up on me. So one day, I just had it. One day in science class she said something about my gf at that time and I lost it. I said fuck you and you’re dead cousin and we ended up arguing. I just kept saying fuck that guy and she would say that my gf sucks dick. We were removed from class and she had wanted to fight like I had predicted. She was also crying. So now that I think about it, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
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