id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
N6xZgMSS6xj9LftZC7VsuhuxGQiPEKC1 | axe4fd | {
"description": "being annoyed at my coworker's constant Facebook posts about her major weight loss",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for being annoyed at my coworker’s constant Facebook posts about her major weight loss? | Coworker and I get along good, and she is really nice. Last year around July, she was at her highest weight (probably around 350 pounds) and had a gastric sleeve surgery done. She was out of work for a month to recover. Over the last 7 months or so, she has lost 120 pounds.
Seriously - that is AWESOME. But.. in my opinion, surgery is kind of the easy way out, but she made a choice trying to better her health, and I’m proud of her for that. Personally I’ve always struggled with weight myself. At the beginning of 2019, I decided to nip it in the bud, get my shit together and do something about it. I started working out again, eating better. Over the past couple of months, I have lost 18 pounds. It’s a process, but it’s worth it.
With both of us trying to lose weight, I’ve asked my coworker if she’d want to go to the gym with me. We could buddy up and encourage each other in our weight loss journey. She doesn’t work out and still eats really bad, and as a result of losing the weight so quickly, she has a lot of extra skin.
To get to the point: My coworker is one of those people who posts on Facebook several times throughout the day, giving every little life update. If she goes out of town for the day, she’s posting every couple of hours with 15+ pictures with every post, checking in at every place she walks into. I think everyone knows someone like that. Obsessed with trying to get as many likes as she can.
She posts at least once a week about her weight loss and/or her new stomach, how little food she eats, etc. Part of me thinks I should be feeling “Yeah!! You go girl!!”, but the ‘asshole’ part of me gets kind of irritated seeing her post about it so much and so often because I know she’s trying to fish for likes. The constant side-by-side pics. It’s almost like she’s become self-obsessed, like she’s changed. At one point, her cover photo was two selfies attached to each other, plus the profile picture of another selfie.
So I don’t know, Reddit. Easy solution is obviously to unfollow her (but still remain Facebook friends). I know I can make her posts disappear on my newsfeed, but I’m not asking for a solution. I just want to know if my thought process is normal. The first few major posts about her weight loss, I was like “hell yes!!”. But it’s become so repetitive. Each post is starting to get less and less likes, and it’s like it makes her want to post more. She’s looking for constant pats-on-the-back and affirmation.
Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
L2jbz7zPxNoUGdW0hSQb7xYr7ZNmlToV | aoxh1r | {
"description": "not apologizing after I accidentally spilled his pop on his 800$ gaming laptop",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not apologizing after I accidentally spilled his pop on his 800$ gaming laptop | First of all sorry for the issues if there are any, this is my first ever post and I’m on mobile
So me and my friend, let’s call him Cam were having a sleepover like we sometimes did
Later in the sleepover we were playing fortnite, me and my other friend who we’ll call Gray were being targeted by him in our playground match, which was okay, we didn’t care. Until eventually we ended up on the ice lake, Cam was full on tryharding at this point while Gray and I were just playing casually, he was starting to get really annoying and started talking down to us when he killed us (mind that I was lagging and one mobile, he was on pc) and he got so pissed as soon as he inevitably died to the point where he threw a small toy gun at me, I didn’t think much about it, until he talked down to me and I got really offended by what he said, (I won’t go into detail as it was personal) so I then threw the toy gun back, it the bounced off of the pillow on the couch he was on and knocked his pop over which he hadn’t drank since I first arrived ( I arrived at 4, it was 10) on to his pc and spilled on the keyboard, I having an anxiety issue just went into the bathroom and started crying, at the end of it all I’m not sorry because 1. He should have already drank the pop 2. He shouldn’t have pop next to his laptop in the first place and 3. He said something very inappropriate and offensive about me, he should have seen the gun coming back
His pc survived, unscathed and his mom actually took my side and said “shit happens” to cam
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
J2KPB69kg1BMksGHEm9zQ8VPb7lhQRzg | atmevj | null | AITA Don't smoke in the house | Asked my room mate to stop smoking his weed in the house. Worked for a few weeks and then he sent me this long text about how he's pissed that he has to sit in the rain and cold outside. Okay dude...
Later he asked if he could smoke "tonight" in his room with his buddy. Totally implying just "tonight".
Well he ended up just continuing to smoke in his room for weeks, stinking up the house. I asked him to stop again...
He now doesn't talk to me and doesn't socialize like we used too. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
ZcMjgc3RdcXjY89URqhK0RKZ3kzooa7q | as5w5f | {
"description": "being upset that my best friend forgot my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset that my best friend forgot my birthday? | So a bit of backstory, my friend and I have been best friends since Kindergarten. We’re freshmen in college now. Over 14 and a half years of being best friends. He moved away to a town half an hour away after 2nd grade, and went to Arizona for college before dropping out one semester in. Needless to say, we’re best friends and we’ve been through a lot.
My birthday was today, February 18th. I turned 19. He didn’t text me or reach out to me at all today. He was asking me on Sunday if I was indeed going out with my girlfriend today, which I was. So he definitely remembered about it then, but didn’t reach out at all to me today. It’s 10:30, so there’s still some time but I think he might not. I’m pretty upset over it to be honest. I don’t expect anyone to remember my birthday, but even after viewing my snapchat story which made it clear that it was my birthday, he said nothing to me. Am I the asshole for being upset over this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
4KqRLTVJK4u6ff2t0rC3F2spYH4S6rzn | b6x1lg | {
"description": "not wanting to be around my Ex/resenting friends who are still close with him",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not Wanting to be Around My Ex/resenting friends who are still close with him? | My ex and I broke up several years back now. While I am now in a safe and healthy relationship, my ex was extremely abusive. TOU forbids details.
Being around him still scares me. I still have nightmares about things that happened. I have requested to not be invited to gatherings we will be at, and I requested he not be invited over my apartment by anyone.
Both of these have been ignored. My roommate invited him over to play with guns in my living room. I have gone places to find out he was invited and was not even warned, then having to leave or stay in a small space with him panicking.
People who know what he did to me try to say "he's changed", yet he went on to do the same thing to two more people. He trashed my reputation by claiming I cheated, etc., which several friends believed until he rinsed, lathered, repeated with the other two partners after me. If he's changed why is he still trying to trash all three of our reputations?
I have gotten messages from people when they find out I am attending events he may go to telling me to "behave", even though it is known I never approach him.
He has attempted to apologize twice. The first time was for the lies he was spreading and he went right back to it. The second was a "I'm sorry you feel this way" and I told him to fuck off.
Which... apparently I'm an asshole for.
I do resent people who know what he did to me and two other people and still call him a friend. How do I reconcile someone caring for me and being friends with someone who has done me and others grievous harm? I don't verbalize this, but it hurts. It hurts that I can't even get a warning for him being in a place so I can make an informed decision to go.
I just want to have my boundaries and comfort respected in one place as much as his apparent right to do anything he damn well pleases.
People keep saying it's not fair to make them choose. I don't understand how telling me he will be somewhere/respecting my wish of not wanting to be invited places he will be is making them choose. They say it's not fair that I'm not giving him another chance. They say it's not fair I won't forgive him. They say it's not fair I don't want him in my living space. I'm at my wit's end and am about to say "Fuck it" to everyone and tell them all to leave me the fuck alone.
Am I the asshole for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nmVYVCpEr72KnTXZD58OUAaEM5HlwpH2 | b68hd0 | {
"description": "taking our son to visit family my partner doesn't like",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for taking our son to visit family my partner doesn't like? | So to start off I have an 8 month old son. When I first found out i was pregnant I was with my sisters so ultimately they knew about it first. The reason I took the test with them was because I suspected I was pregnant and my boyfriend just brushed off my concerns.
Well they told people about my pregnancy (without permission) and obviously word got around so we had to tell people much sooner than we'd liked. Now he doesnt want my sisters to visit the baby because they ruined the excitement of announcing our first baby to some people. Now, I dont excuse their actions but they are family and I have always had a very close relationship with them.
Then when our son was first born, one of my cousins came to hospital without warning and was kind of obnoxious and loud. My boyfriend was trying to sleep at that time and they had woke him up. He got mad and stormed out. Ever since he has nothing good to say about her. I had the opportunity to visit her and I took it. Well needless to say he's angry with me now because i took our son to visit her.
TLDR; My boyfriend doesnt want me visiting family with our son. AITA for doing so against his wishes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Kk2bZp03J87jRlVsJr6oEylDnEYxuxqP | 9yuv9d | {
"description": "trying to sell an original Xbox for $50 cad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to sell an original Xbox for $50 CAD? | If this doesn’t fit let me know. I’m trying to sell my Xbox and 3 controllers and DVD remote for $50 CAD, which I thought was a good deal. But basically this guys is try to say its a rip off because the console it over 15 years old. AITA for trying to sell it for that much or is this guy just trying to guilt me into selling it for cheaper? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jJq15llQhuiAogWYjNbfrnqrL8hJU9vJ | at2yno | {
"description": "fighting with my husband about him being in his phone all the time",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For fighting with my husband about him being in his phone all the time? | For the past few months my husband has been on his phone 24/7. And sadly that's not an exaggeration. I have asked him before who he's talking to and he just turns it into a fight. He claims I'm invading his privacy but he won't ever give me an honest answer. I have tried to talk to him about it in a calm way and explain to him that it makes me feel uncomfortable that he's giving out his cell number to so many strangers. I've told him it makes me feel very insecure that he might be looking to leave me. (I'm also 5 months pregnant) But he just says im emotional from my hormones and im acting crazy. He constantly deletes everything off his phone but tells me it's just bullshit guy talk. On our phone bill he's sent over 10,000 messages in one month period. This is making me afraid that he wants to leave me and every time we fight about his phone he says invasion of privacy and that's worth divorcing over. Please help am I in the wrong and just being hormonal or is he really being shady behind my back? We used to talk about everything now I can't get 2 words out of him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xeJQHESfrMbzm3DhMYToPEU6PMNmMKxZ | ax08py | {
"description": "not giving food to a 11 year old child",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not giving food to a 11 year old child? | I know that the titles makes me seem terrible, but this is the situation.
I am a Boy Scout, and during a camp out I was a grubmaster (I bought the food, but the troop reimbursed me) So, this campout was mainly for the newer scouts that have just crossed over from cub scouts. I have gotten all of the new scouts attending the campout (around 20, we had a lot this year) to plan the meals. I had told them all about how this works, how I am going to buy them all the food and how the money will be taken out of their scout account, etc. Then, this new scout starts screaming about how his parents are going to bring him food, and how we don’t need to buy it for him because of his ADHD diet.
Fast forward the weekend of the campout, his parents don’t have the food. He starts to pester me, yanking on the sleeve of my shirt trying to get me to feed him. I told him about how it was his fault he did not tell his parents about this, and how he should have made sure that he was going to get the food. Because I did not plan for him, I had to scrape together some food for breakfast from the other meals, as the other scouts have gone through all of it already. We had managed to feed him for lunch and dinner, but he still kept pestering me about wanting more food.
AMTA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
9bPSfjf8uZLvAZrXPt6bf254y9v4Lg5L | a3rh3l | {
"description": "leaving my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my friend? | I was at my friends house one day and decided to hop on his PC to play CSGO. I started getting discord notifications and accidentally clicked on a notification. I accidentally saw him talking about a mutual female friend. He was making creepy perverted scenarios with his online friend who he never met irl. Our friend group thought this was weird and decided not to associate with him. We also caught him talking to his online friends about us in a negative way, so we ditched him. We also caught him doing this to other mutual female friends.
AITA for leaving him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XSvVppMnoy7PQbJdmZmVCfdTx5037Dej | b68x87 | {
"description": "being friends with a girl who I am interested in romantically, but has a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being friends with a girl who I am interested in romantically, but has a boyfriend? | Obligatory on mobile format apology.
I was inspired by a similar post on this sub, but I think it's different enough to merit it's own post.
I (19M) basically crushed on this girl (19F) from the first day of college. I felt comfortable around her, and I am generally very intraverted/socially awkward with newer people. We have become reasonably close (as friends of course) over the last year. I found out she had a boyfriend (reasonably long term from high school) and immediately made sure to put up a filter in our interactions. By this I mean that I made sure not to act overtly flirtacious with her/make a move, whatever you want to call it. I genuinely do value her friendship, and obviously if she were to become single later on, I would revisit the idea of pursuing a relationship with her. I do not want to be seen as TA because I have continued to be her friend even after knowing she has a bf, but I would ask her out in a heartbeat if she was single.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8wNCELghg1ai8iYylIPj75rMqDVzfwnn | b19ylj | {
"description": "mentioning what college my friend got into to my dad",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for mentioning what college my friend got into to my dad? | Right now college admissions are just starting to pick up the pace, and a few days ago my friend told us that he got into a certain school that he wants to go to. This friend doesn't talk much to his parents about this stuff, and he didn't mention to his parents that he got in. Later on I was in a conversation with my dad and he asked, "Where does your friend want to go to college?" I say the school. We play on the same baseball team, where our parents often talk to each other about all kinds of stuff. Just now my friend told me that his dad somehow found out that he got into the school, and for some reason he didn't want his dad knowing. He never told me not to mention it to anyone, and I figured it was literally harmless, assuming his family knew about his acceptance. So AITA for mentioning the school to my dad who told his dad? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nLO5HErCbSNbkUMco3QZnQV8voBHh6TE | acpdak | {
"description": "coming home late when the whole family has to wake up early tomorrow, but my dad said that I could be out as late as I want",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for coming home late when the whole family has to wake up early tomorrow, but my dad said that I could be out as late as I want? | Okay so my friend had this party tonight. I'm at home from college, living with my parents for the holidays, so I abide by their rules.
This morning I told them that I'm going to the party and they said that it was fine. I've been going out a lot this holiday, coming home at about 12am to 1am so that they could still get a decent night's sleep after opening the door for me.
Just before the party tonight, my dad told me that we all had to wake up at 7am tomorrow because we had to go visit my grandma who is sick. I said that it was fine with me, and my mother said/asked to me and my dad that I'd probably had to come home from the party sooner, seeing as we'd have to wake up early. My dad then said that it wasn't a problem. I could come home "whenever I like" because he had a headache and was going to take 2 pills and go to bed early. When I would arrive, he'd just wake up, open the door and then go back to bed, so it wouldn't bother him.
By 3am I was still at the party enjoying myself, when my mom called. She said: "I am still awake. could you please for once stop being selfish and come home so that we can go to bed? We have to wake up early." immediately kind-of pissed, I said "sure mom I'm on my way" .
** just a note : out of my whole family I'm definitely the least selfish. For 2 whole semesters, I got by without my accounting textbooks, because they were expensive and I didn't want to ask my parents to pay for them, even though they would have bought them for me along with my other textbooks. Every time we go out to eat I order one of the cheapest meals, while my selfish asshole of a brother always orders the most expensive meal. I guess I could also order an expensive meal every time, but I feel bad and I don't like that they spend money on me, so I don't think that I'm usually selfish. However, if someone thinks that I was selfish in this situation, I would consider their opinion because I feel bad now, and I really want to know if I'm wrong in this situation.
When I got home my dad opened the door and he just said to go to bed, and I went. He looked quite dazed so I think he was asleep till I arrived. I don't think he is mad, but after what my mom said on the phone, she's obviously pissed. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AjUYqNnsd5qUlFZvkRHFIeQfb8F8ck49 | avoc45 | {
"description": "being annoyed that my fiancé runs away every single time he's upset, no matter how little it is? and then acts like nothing ever happened",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being annoyed that my fiancé runs away every single time he's upset, no matter how little it is? And then acts like nothing ever happened? |
Basically the title.
My fiancé is wonderful to me and our son. He really is. But there's one thing that frustrates me to no end.
Anytime something goes wrong and he gets upset he walks out. No matter what.
I totally understand leaving if it's a big issues and you're afraid you're going to blow up and lose your temper. I get it. You leave for a bit. You come back and work it out.
But he doesn't do this. He leaves. Then when he comes back acts like nothing happened or nothing was ever wrong and doesn't want to talk about anything. Or he doesn't come back and I have to go get him. No matter how big or small.
It could be something as stupid as him making a joke that kind of hurts my feeling and I'll say "Hey that kind of hurts my feelings please don't say that again." And that will prompt him to leave and go downstairs and not talk to me.
It frustrates me because it makes it really hard to actually work on any real problems if he refuses to talk about it or runs away anytime something happens.
I wouldn't be frustrated if it only happened now and then over big things, or if he came back to work it out after the fact. He could leave every single time for all I care if he was willing to talk about it later.
But he just doesn't. He just leaves like that's the end of it and no more needs to be said or done. I sort of have to force the conversation out of him to get any kind of resolution.
I've gotten mixed reviews from others if I express my frustrations. Some say I'm NTA and that it sounds childish and that I'm right to be frustrated. Others say I am the asshole because that's how he deals with his frustration/anger and I should just get over it/accept it.
So I'm asking what others think. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lMXMZQ9hzAtP3Is3dG2FUZlaCta8fZfU | ahedko | {
"description": "forgetting people's names even though they remember mine",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for forgetting people’s names even though they remember mine? | I’m in college and I know quite a few people but I can NEVER remember their names even though I genuinely like them. It ducks when they say “Hi *name” and I just say “hey whats up” in response and i can just feel them feeling hurt. It sucks. Yet I know at the same time that it I were to ask them, I think that would also be hurtful. One time I asked a friend of mine his name and he told me and he stopped talking to me after that.
It’s not that I don’t care about these people, I do, but when someone tells me their name my mind shuts off completely and I forget everything.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FH29nw3IsTTIx6FLAu3pPpqvMwtS8GKw | 9wl3qc | {
"description": "not contributing much for my event preparations because I have to be at home for my mother's chemotherapy which in turn got me ostrasied by my club members",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not contributing much for my event preparations because I have to be at home for my mother's chemotherapy which in turn got me ostrasied by my club members? | Mom was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer and is going through several chemo treatments. Each session I see that she's getting weaker and skinnier. Being a college student, I have to occasionally travel back to my home town which is a 20 min drive from my college to help out with the house and pick up my sibling from school. Dad is already busy with making bread to pay up for my mom's hefty treatment so as the eldest in the house I had to intervene.
Now with that said I have already informed the club chairperson and Organizing chairperson in private of my situation and they said they understand it. It was fine for the first few weeks. Then I found myself ostrasied from the group. Word spread around that I was being lazy and not contributing much for my event. Now I lost everything that I worked hard for, friends, company, my reputation and trying to make good memories. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
T0enCWi8JRSdKEKedVTWmFwG44cDc8YD | azm2of | {
"description": "taking my 3yo out to do something fun whilst my partner is at work",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking my 3yo out to do something fun whilst my partner is at work? | I will try and keep this short .
Almost every weekend when I say lets take our kid out to the play centre or a farm ect I get one of maybe 3 excuses every time without fail . Either "I dont want to go out / I just wanna sit and play on the computer. " " ive been at work im tired I don't wanna go out / drive " or " I don't wanna spend the money on x, y ,z" ( we have money so its not like thats a real problem )
Today a friend asked me if i wanted to go with her with the kids to the farm near us tomorrow and I said yes . I figured since we hadn't taken little one anywhere fun for a few weeks it would be nice .
So I mentioned it to my partner and he goes off on one about how its not fair as he is at work and he would like to go blah blah . I said so I cant take her anywhere when you're at work ? Pointed out that I asked to go not a week or two earlier and was told no its too expencive and I dont want to go out I'm tired. ( its £7 each ).
So now he wants me to cancle with my friend so he can go another day . I said we can go whenever you want . But apparently thats not an option either .
Its a childrens petting zoo ffs its not like im going to see a movie wothout him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 51,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 51,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MwTmqYDAtpDRhzhtEE2pAplHq1Tz450k | as0hqw | {
"description": "getting mad at my roommates because of their cat",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at my roommates because of their cat. | Alright so I live with roommates, I’m pretty much a shut in. I get home I go to my room, I stay there. I love my plants, I have several in my room. In the past my roommates cat has gotten in my room and eaten my plants, because of this my door stays shut 24/7.
Yesterday while I was at work, someone went into my room and accidentally shut the cat in my room. The cat proceeded to eat all of my plants and dropped one of them and got soil all over my carpet.
The cat has chewed headphones and charger chords of my other roommate in the past which have been replaced. Shouldn’t the same happen with my plants?
AITA for being upset?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
eEmJxqIKZ46JZYtUkdymaY41fg2L0mA8 | ag97qx | {
"description": "abusing my job's perks after quitting",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for abusing my job's perks after quitting? | So I recently quit from my job at a mall. Every employee there had some perks like 10% off on every shop in the mall. Most people knew my name and I got the discount anyways without having to prove it. Is it bad that after quitting I still use to shop in the mall and getting the discounts? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
40AKOxAVweD6jPxrYTkho1NxzdWtdciA | a0gk4f | {
"description": "calling a friend a Slut",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling a friend a Slut | I have a close friend who likes to send those expletive copypasta chain messages during the holidays because we find them funny. On Thanksgiving this past week she sent the "Turkey lurkey slut" chain message to our group chat- you can do a google search if you are wondering what the message says.
Later that day i dm a joke to her that one brand of clothes is way better than another brand of clothes that she likes. she says “fk no”, and I say “fk yes”. Then she says “fk you”, and I respond “fk you, fkin bitch, turkey slut”. Before I called her a “turkey slut” it was a really lighthearted “argument”, we were just joking around. I didn’t mean any harm by it and called her that term only to reference the chain message she sent earlier that day.
Her immediate response is “don’t disrespect me” and saying she doesn’t want to be called derogatory terms like that. It was so serious and direct that I thought she was joking. But she reaffirmed herself by saying “Im serious” and “Im not joking”. I was in disbelief because I completely did not expected her react like that. So I just respond with “ok” and leave it at that. After the conversation ended I was still very confused that she would say that over a lighthearted joke like that. I understand that out right calling a girl a slut can be considered by many to be very offensive and it I have not ever done that. I felt like this was different.
I wanted to know how she felt about what I said so the next day, I ask her how offended she was that I called her that.
She said “not really because I know you didn’t mean it. But I don’t want you to call other people derogatory terms even if its a joke, because some could get really offended”. I was still unsure how she felt so I said “You sounded pretty serious, are you sure were weren’t offended”. She says “I sounded serious so you would take it serious,” and asks me why I cared if she was offended. At this point it sounds to me like she wasn’t offended, but only said that to teach me not to say that to people.
So I tell her “if you were trying to teach me not to say that to ppl, you shouldve just said that instead of acting offended and srs about it”. In hindsight I can see now that saying this didn’t help the cause of understanding how she felt, and could’ve been seen as condescending and rude. I admit that the way I handled it was a very bad attempt at that. But to end the conversation she tells me “i was serious about it u better not fucking call me those things again. idk if you’re trying to start something but back the fuck off and watch your mouth”.
Before this, I considered her a very close friend. I had never even jokingly called her any derogatory names- e.g, slut, whore, hoe, etc. While she has sent many of those expletive chain messages and even jokingly called me a slut in the group chat once before. I believed that we had a friendship in which my joke would’ve been laughed at.
So reddit, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
2jJWDQrkWmkBOVYD8g52onSabG6Wxb8H | avxxbb | {
"description": "making my friend receive a 0 on an assignment",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making my friend receive a 0 on an assignment | To start, we take a course together, and a recent assignment required writing an essay to a question based off a book we were suppose to read. My friend is addicted to League of Legends. He plays it in between class breaks and up until late evening when he would cram in all his studying and homework. Well, he took priority in his STEM based courses and completely disregarded the book, reading not even a full chapter. So of course, he struggled with the essay and asked for my help after typing two sentences.
I began by giving him a more in depth explanation of the essay question and offered tips on how he should go about it. He then searched up a summary for the book to get ideas but quickly asked for my thesis afterwards. I explained to him my thesis statement, and this is what he set forth to write about. Not even fully completing his introduction he asked to read my paper in which I agreed, so he could use it as inspiration or to get ideas from. I gave him my laptop for the meantime while I went to take a quick shower. Afterwards, I came back to take a look at his introduction to see that the latter half was basically a reworded version of my own. I asked him if he could finishing reading my essay soon so I could watch some anime. He then emailed my essay to himself on his own accord. Yes, I should of stopped him during the process because I saw what he was doing, but I gave him the benefit of doubt and believed that he wouldn't just merely copy me.
Fast forward some more, the day arrived to turn in our essays. I read my friend's essay before our professor got into the classroom and was surprised. His essay held a strong resemblance to mine in phrasing, vocabulary, sequencing, idea, etc. The only difference was the evidence.
A week later, we were called into my professor's office. My friend insisted that we tell him that we worked together and that our essays were the result of discussing it with each other. That didn't sit well with me. The discussion started between the professor and us, and my friend told him what he intended to. I was quiet for a while until the professor spoke and gave us a lecture on how this type of collaboration is not prohibited. I told him everything that happened after that. My friend eventually told the truth, and the professor decided to have me rewrite my essay while my friend received a 0 and that it would be on his record.
My friend was SUPER pissed at me, told me we could have gotten away with it, that I ruined his G.P.A, that I put him at risk of losing his academic scholarship, etc. Keep in mind that the best he could get is a high C in that course now. We have not talked since then. His roommate suggests that I apologize and work things out, but I'm too stubborn on the matter. I have also been told of the amount of shit talk my friend said about me. We three planned to move in an apartment together after this year, but I don't know if that is the case anymore. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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} | RIGHT |
xcISIRSgDuwggAEUsgivhXOZDWndZBho | b9vcgq | {
"description": "blocking my sister on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for blocking my sister on Facebook? | Throwaway account since my sister is on Reddit.
​
Some context: my sister is 27, I am 19. She married her husband, Jack, when she was 22 and I was 15. I'm not close to my sister, or Jack at all. I'd met him a handful of times and we got along fine, but I wouldn't even really say that we were friends.
​
Soon after I added him as a friend on Facebook, my sister's husband Jack started liking all of my stuff on Facebook. Not just photos and statuses, but things that I was tagged in, or even if I said that I was 'interested' in an event. He even went and liked all of my old profile pictures. I would get texts from friends asking me why this man they didn't know was liking dozens of their photos and statuses at a time and I didn't know how to explain. I don't know what brought this on, considering we hardly ever interacted. I asked my brother about it and he found it strange, since he had a much closer relationship with Jack and Jack never liked any of the things my brother posted on Facebook, even though he posted more often than I did. When this started I was 16, and Jack was 24.
​
The entire ordeal made me uncomfortable, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to tell my sister or my parents because I was worried that this might cause unnecessary tension amongst all of us. In retrospect, I should've just talked to my sister about it, but it seemed petty to say that I didn't like that her husband was just liking things on Facebook. And I was 16, I didn't know how to handle this kind of situation. So I blocked Jack, but I realized that if he ever used my sister's Facebook account that he would see that I was still active and know that I blocked him. So I blocked her too. I meant to unblock both of them after awhile to see if the problem was solved, but I forgot.
​
Now fast forward to last month - nearly 3 years after all of this happened. Jack and my sister have since divorced (she found out that he had cheated on her with a coworker), and my sister discovers through my brother that I am still active on Facebook and she puts it together that I must've blocked her. After explaining the situation for the first time ever to my family, she goes ballistic and calls me a bitch for not unblocking her and telling her about Jack after they had gotten their divorce. She also takes Jack's side in the matter, saying that it was a selfish of me to find him just liking my stuff creepy. My defense was that she was already hurt by finding out Jack cheated, and had no intention of getting back with him after she found out - telling her about the liking incident would rub unnecessary salt in her wound, especially seeing as how we already barely talk to one another. I also explained that I forgot that I had blocked them, and fully intended to unblock them at one point. Needless to say she's now unblocked, but Jack's still blocked. | HISTORICAL | {
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upbzqMIIWgQNGPuCJHD8e5R1Gt1CpGtG | b5mzc4 | {
"description": "telling my mentally ill mom to stop parenting me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my mentally ill mom to stop parenting me? | First and foremost, I'm twenty-three. My mom has had severe depression to the point where it's a genuine illness for years, and she also likely has an undiagnosed behavioral disorder (based on professional opinions from doctors). Additionally, she had a stroke a couple of years ago, which further messed with her emotions and sullied her judgement. She's a very good person, and I love her very much. We have a pretty great relationship, and usually spend about an hour or two a week talking on the phone. She's one of the few people in the world I actually seek out time with.
That being said, since I graduated high school at nineteen and therefore no longer needed her for parenting purposes, she's continued to parent me, and she treats me as though I were about sixteen or seventeen (that is to say, not needing to monitor my whereabouts constantly but still parenting me in other ways). I've been moved out with a job for several years now. My dad, who is mentally sound, has treated me like an adult for the most part since I hit eighteen, with some exceptions since I was still living with them, and once I graduated, he considered me a full-fledged adult. My mom was pretty much emotionally absent during my teenage years, and my dad believes that she is now trying to "make up for it" by parenting me and "behaving like a family". He lets me divulge information as I'm comfortable with doing so, and doesn't ask for more information than is needed. My mom, however, demands information. For example, recently, my doctor insisted I quit my job immediately for medical reasons, and so I did. I was very upset about this, of course. My parents and I trade the car back and forth, and I told my dad that he could have the car for a bit while I figured some stuff out. He was fine with this, and just said okay, for which I was grateful because I didn't want to talk about it. My mom was confused and asked why, saying she didn't understand what was going on. She asked my dad if I'd told him anything. He said no. She asked if he thought to probe about it. He said no, that I'm an adult and will tell him if I so choose. She got upset with my dad (they're going through a divorce and she is always mad at him), said that wasn't how family behaved, and called me, asking what was going on. I reluctantly explained, and she started lecturing me. I told her very firmly that I love her very much and I know she's speaking because she loves me, but that I am not a child anymore, and that as an adult, I am allowed to set boundaries, and that she is crossing them, and to please stop parenting me. She got very upset about this. Please note that this is just once instance of many. We haven't talked about it since then.
I still wonder if I did the right thing. My dad thinks I did, and said "good for you!" when I told him about it. I don't know, though. What do you think? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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mFvkdwfzfsMBdy5vJ28qD4tNt7vAuYRg | aj3ahc | {
"description": "being an asshole to our flatmate",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being an asshole to our flatmate? | Title may be a tad confusing but bear with me.
I have been living in a flat for about a year now and so far, it has been an absolute blessing. At first, I (22F) lived with 2 guys in their early 30s. We had a great symbiotic relationship and went on great together, going out to picnics, parties, drinks etc.
All is great up until 5 months ago, when the main tenant of the house (one of the two flatmates), let's call him Dimitri, announced that he'd be renting out the small spare room to some guy, as a favor to the local Catholic priest. Dimitri has strong ties with the church, and always helps out in any way possible despite not being particularly religious (something to do with the church's influence in the Greek community of the Dutch city we live in. I, my flatmates and this new guy are all Greek).
Apparently, this guy is in his early 50s and works as a church restorator. So far so good, I was even excited since I like the topics of restoration, refurbishing etc. Dimitri says that this guy will be staying with us for about a month, and will mostly be using the room to sleep, as he's too busy working in the church. For the purposes of the piece, the guy will from now on be referred to as Smelly Bastard (SB for short)
The day comes when SB comes by to collect the keys. I am in the kitchen doing my thing when suddenly a cloud of b.o. enters the room, followed by my flatmate and some organic blob. His longitude and latitude are at a 1:1 ratio, seemingly comprised of 1 large orb for a body, and one slightly smaller orb for the head. All face and head hair seem to have migrated towards his chest, leaving his head completely textureless. He does not acknowledge my presence, as he is too busy stating his opinion on why the Greek economy crashed (apparently the Germans' fault)
1 month became 2 months, and 2 months became 3. The move-out date kept getting pushed to later dates, with excuses about his project not being finished yet. At this point, it has been 5 months. He is contributing minimally on rent and house supplies, his room stinks from meters away, and he never helps clean. The other flatmate took this opportunity to move in with his girlfriend, so now it's just Dimitri, me and SB.
Despite his blatant apathy for basic hygiene, having no manners, and his refusal to understand how to use a toilet brush, my one request for SB is not to smoke in the house (it's been a house rule since before I moved in). All other flatmates and guests have respected this house rule, except for him. He decides that it's better to crack an opening and smoke through the kitchen window, which not only makes the kitchen smell bad, but it also makes it cold in the house. I have repeatedly asked him directly and through Dimitri to stop doing this, but he refuses to comply.
2 weeks ago, I went to the kitchen and found him smoking again. The conversation went a bit like this:
​
me: Don't smoke in the house, you should go outside.
SB: It's cold outside
me: Go smoke outside
SB: I'm not taking directions from you, It's cold outside
me: You should wear some pants and go smoke outside (he insists on wearing bermuda shorts at all times)
SB: Leave me alone, I'm not going outside
me: You're going outside
SB: No
At this point, I am on the brink of a mental breakdown, so our voices keep getting louder until we are both shouting
me: Everyone in this house respects this rule but you. YOU ARE RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL, AND YOU'RE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF US
SB: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
me: YOU'VE OVERSTAYED YOUR WELCOME, YOU HAVE NO RESPECT AND YOU'RE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF DIMITRI'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHURCH.
SB: HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT
me: GO FUCK YOURSELF
SB: NO U
At that point, Dimitri gets involved to try and figure out what happened, and I state that either SB finally leaves, or I will, all the while SB is making comments about me having a bad upbringing, mentioning how my parents did a shit job at raising me etc.
Dimitri agrees with me that SB has overstayed and smells fucking horrible, and has agreed to kick him out in early February, but is upset with me for not having controlled myself better in that situation. I know I have been an asshole to the SB, absolutely no regrets there, but AITA towards Dimitri, for completely losing my shit on SB and not maintaining composure to keep a cool atmosphere in the house? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
11EpZVYspsLP7hVk9D11TEa3gxLstqr9 | adgh6t | {
"description": "not initiating relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I cannot initiate relationship? | There is a girl and there I am, we met at new year's eve party and we liked each other at sight. We are spending some time every day, usually just riding around the city and smoking cigarettes in my car (I realize it isn't much ambitious). And talking a lot. It's small talk very often (however few quite serious conversations also happened - about ours previous relationships for example). I have this strange feeling that something could work between us, but I am not much relationships type of guy (I had last one 5 years ago, which I could call serious) and just don't know how it usually looks. Also I'm not very good at expressing my feelings, so she might thought that I am not interested in her.
Truly I don't have any feelings to her (nothing more except that I like her), but I thought it's good to have somebody at least.
​
Before you guys judge me NAH, you have to know that I have become indifferent to everything around me, because of smoking weed for 3 years and recently quit. She knows about smoking, but doesn't know about dont-give-a-shit-at-all thing. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
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} | RIGHT |
uBEneIuabNIdRa26EsiZGirY5wgovxoN | apm6nv | {
"description": "saying this to a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for saying this to a coworker? | Today at work I (f25) got mad at my coworker (f34). She starts work at 8 and I start at 7:30 so I arrived to work at 7:25 to find she was already there and inside the office. I am doing work that involves dealing with money. She continues to talk and talk to me loudly as I am trying to count the money. I proceeded to ask her if she could be quiet and then I told her I am going to come into work one morning when she is counting money and see if she can stay concentrated if I constantly talk to her. AMIA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
ECFcbSZBgeEuENVt4K97dIkbzZPOAMBJ | 9xehm6 | {
"description": "spitting all over a guy",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for spitting all over a guy? | This happened around Halloween.
There was this super drunk guy at my party, let's call him Carl. Carl was so drunk he could barely walk.
I was drinking a bottle of water (because I was also drunk), when Carl comes up to me and we start shooting the shit, giving each other put downs.
Now I barely know Carl, he showed up unannounced. But I figure whatever, it's a party. So we're giving each other shit, back and forth, when finally I think he'd had enough and shoves the bottle of water all the way into my mouth while I was drinking it.
My reflex kicked in and I spit my entire mouthful of water all over him.
My mom says it was justified, but Carl's brother ended up calling me a bitch.
So I have to know, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CeAVVxkLN1m6XX3mqg3NhoxLyCEAQMA8 | amk1xf | {
"description": "not inviting my friend over Friday night and ignoring him because he doesn't play Fortnite",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not inviting my friend over Friday night and ignoring him because he doesn't play Fortnite? | My friends and I play Fortnite all the time. They’ll come over to my house and play it, or we’ll play it online together and have a good time on it. There is my one friend though that absolutely despises this game and does not play it even know we all tell him to get the game since its free and we can all play online with each other. He doesn’t since it’s not his type of game and he’s like more of storyline games, sports games, first person shooters and not cartoonish kinds of games. We usually all hang out on a Friday like what most friends would do. I had my friends come over to hang out and chill and to also play some Fortnite yesterday but decided not to invite my friend that doesn’t like it and ignored him. Am I the asshole for ignoring and not inviting him over to not hang out when he's been a good friend and I known him for eight years? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
EhMOxWrHPcM8Qv999IbPkeUHBIW7oA93 | b4puif | {
"description": "forbidding my flatmate to have Partys",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for forbidding my Flatmate to have Partys ? | I am wirting this as there is a Party happening in my living room.
Some background Information:
I am renting out a room in my flat to someone. We Share the Rent 50/50.
All the furniture in the flat and everything besides the stuff in his room belongs to me. I am also the main contractor with the landlord.
My flatmate recently started inviting people over and having little party’s in the living room. Although I am doing the same occasionally I am really uncomfortable with several people I have never met before just sitting in my livingroom and using my stuff. I also really don’t want this to happen every weekend and now I’m thinking I should just tell him if he wants to party he should do it elsewhere. (I also find the people he invites very unpleasant)
Will I be the Asshole if I do so ? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
EsjGMVO2asqRKWLfXt15fwZwOE5yxdUP | a6aj7v | {
"description": "calling my older brother out for his behavior",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling my older brother out for his behavior? | So this all started about two weeks ago, I had finished a personal art piece in the rdr2 art style and posted it on my Facebook. I talked to my older brother about it and he agreed that he would commission me a portrait in the same style.
Before we even negotiated prices he immediately asked for all sorts of ridiculous requests such as a dynamic background and accessories to be added. I'm normally ok with that as that's part of the process however he wanted this all to be done within a few days to which I told him "that's not exactly possible" as work like this can take me 10+ hours to complete.
As I was nearing finals week this would get even more difficult for me because of more projects and exams to work on in addition to the other commissions I've had in progress. My brother heavily insisted that I make his a priority even though he had yet to pay me anything in advance and insisted upon paying me after I finished the product. If anyone knows anything about choosing beggars, you'll know where this is going.
Now the standard practice for art commissions is that you either pay by the hour or you pay half up front and half upon completion. I originally quoted him at around $70 but then soon after I dropped it to $20 as a gift for Christmas. He agreed to the $20 dollars and said that he'd post it to his instagram and promote me for my efforts. I figured that this is reasonable however he still wouldn't pay me half up front and demanded I finish it first before paying me.
About 75% into the project I get a notification from my other brother who tells me that he's already posted the unfinished product online without crediting me or anything like that. Furious, I considered dropping the project all together but I needed the money to get home after finals.
So we get to yesterday and he calls me after not speaking to me for two days about my progress on the picture and why I haven't updated him on anything. I promptly told him that I'm not working on anything else until he pays me what I'm owed. I also called him out on the blatant disrespect for my work by posting an unfinished product without crediting me online.
He then proceeded to call my work mediocre and half assed to which I told him to fuck off and take it for free. I promptly hung up but he decided to call me back calling me an asshole for getting mad at him. I tried to tell him where he went wrong but he didn't want to hear it.
About an hour later he sent me the $20 and called me an asshole for arguing with him. I ended up finishing the piece yesterday night and sent it to him along with an apology to which he still hasn't responded. I checked his instagram and it's currently his most liked picture with over 1,000 likes and my name is no where in sight, not even my signature.
All in all, I just want to know am I the asshole for calling him out and telling him to fuck off for disrespecting me?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
2pKxrqRWCBUXYov64cXf58Uf6CcrF6HI | av24qh | {
"description": "having a crush on my friend's best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I have a crush on my friend’s best friend? | I tried to date the friend in question and she wasn’t interested which is fine but I went for someone else after that and got the same result a month later. It’s been 2 months since then and I like someone that is really good friends with one and best friends with the other. I am still good friends with all of them and talk to them regularly. The one I have feelings for is like a wingman and tried to help me with the others. I don’t know if I’m an asshole for switching like this after I was turned down. I’ve been worrying about this for about 4 days | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jmGIG0fU2JSWgI1V3S4Qm1p8vulpLhTY | atkaj6 | {
"description": "specifying what I want for things even though it's the their job to do so",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for specifying what I want for things even though it’s the their job to do so? | I tend to get smirks, sassed, or given poor outcomes for something that I want, even though I politely and clearly state what I want. Like for example: a haircut, a fast food order, etc.
Recently, I haven’t been scared to specify what I want. I used to let things go if they didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be. To be fair, I used to be vague in what I want but now, I put in great detail for something and it feels good. But I mostly get attitude given towards me, such as a fast food order because I ask them to remove the may from the burger, maybe add some extra sauce and or ask for extra sauce packets. Another instance being that I got a poor, unresponsive actions towards my cut from my barber, even though I specified not to do that in a monotone voice (because I don’t put much quirkiness in my personality).
So, am I the asshole? I politely ask for what I want, give a please and thank you, but people seem to think I’m cocky I believe? It’s not my intention but it seems people don’t like to do their job or at least perform it well.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
B4PtFeChvQOLSt3iGQSITB8FlKO9wIVY | b7j3qo | {
"description": "being upset that my GF wants to move across the country with her friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset that my GF wants to move across the country with her friend? | I am 23 and my girlfriend is 22. We have been dating for little over a year and a half and have since talked about moving in together. We want to, and I have been working tirelessly to make it happen. I have taken double shifts and overtime to raise the money to live together. We live in the west coast but I've budgeted and we can make it happen. I have a good job here that I have been moving up in and she is doing alright for herself as well.
​
Recently, her best friend (who is gay, so no, theres no infidelity going on) decided to move out to Utah to help his brother and SIL live because their roommate fled the state with a guy she just met. They have 2 kids and the help with rent from the roommate was needed. My girlfriend and I were sad to hear him go, but we were happy for him because hes doing the right thing for his family.
​
About a week ago, my girlfriend told me she wanted to move in with him because she didn't want to be away from him. I don't want to move there because
​
1. I have a good job going for me here
2. My family is here and being close to them would be nice.
3. I don't want to live in a place with 3 other people and 2 children. It just doesn't sound fun to me. I want to live with my girlfriend, and maybe one roommate or something but that would be pushing it.
​
She just wants to move with him because she will miss him. No other reason. I told her that i felt like she was valuing her friendship more than our relationship, and that I had been working hard to make living together a reality. That i can't just uproot my life and move halfway across the country. She told me I was being an ass and not looking at it through her lense. I'm just at a loss of what to do. I know its her choice whether she moves in with him but I feel a little betrayed because we had been talking about moving in together alone for a while. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4KlkAXF3DlOEYkcNwQbbrBDQErlqUGVF | aur3mk | {
"description": "debating my US history teacher",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for debating my US history teacher? | We were talking about WWII and we were talking about the concentration camps (should mention this is a 12th grade class) and in the end a girl ask the teachers about the US camps holding Japanese people and he said those weren’t concentration camps. I then replied “They definitely were” and he denied it again and I pulled up the definition of concentration camps and said something along the lines of they weren’t nearly as bad as the Nazi’s. He then got really mad at that (Oh and also he is very patriotic and served in the Navy) and I said “if you weren’t so patriotic you could see that” and he sent me to the front office for not complying to the teacher and I got in school suspension in his class for one day. I don’t think I’m the asshole, I was just trying to spark a conversation about US history in a US history class. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
yVNC8Mt1POyQVbsY8z9NZYLre8XSUL7V | ah2csg | {
"description": "not paying for coffee",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not paying for coffee | So a little background. I spent New Years at my girlfriend's house with her parents. At some point during the night, I mentioned coffee and how I like a local grocery chain's K Cups as they are fairly cheap and taste fine (I'm not a coffee snob). Because of that fact, I stocked up last week when they were on sale and as a result have somewhere north of 400 K Cups. This is enough to last me 5-6 months.
Fast forward to yesterday, and my girlfriend and I went to her parents' house for dinner. After dinner, her parents presented me with two 96 packs of the same K Cups. And the receipt with the price for the coffee circled. While it was only around $50 (the normal price, not the sale price), I told them thanks but I had stocked up while they were on sale and that I did not want them and that they could return them (the store is 45 minutes out of my way so I didn't really want to make the trek just to return them). At this point, her parents called me ungrateful. I told them that I appreciated the thought but just did not need them at this point. The money isn't an issue but the fact that they thought they bought them for me and expected me to pay for them when I didn't ask for them is what bothers me. My girlfriend says I should have just given them the money for them and take them. I disagree. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
un17oPzVmTF12wTnTVqo8ihkEboz7NHQ | a0fbek | {
"description": "being upset with my so for inviting his friend out with us",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being upset with my SO for inviting his friend out with us | So to start, my (F|22) SO (M|26) is from another country, and lives with me in the US. He has a friend from his country that lives about 2 hours away from us. They frequently commute to see each other (at least once a month). When they are together, they ALWAYS talk in their language, which I can't understand.
Today, we did a triple date with two other couples and their children to go see Christmas lights (we have no kids). It was super romantic and beautiful. He invited his friend to meet us there without telling me. His friend is single and has a child.
It ended up being the two families walking together, my SO and his friend speaking their language behind me, and I being the odd wheel. This is something that happens frequently. I of course have no problem with him being with this friend, he's a really good guy. I typically don't like to hang out with them because I'm left out of the convo. And I'm upset that he invited his friend to come this evening, when it was supposed to be romantic, without telling me. AITA? I havent said anything to him about tonight yet. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
1AG33pethAV8l14MkLmkN4Y5N2Yr62C7 | ac3bch | {
"description": "telling my best friends secret",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA For telling my best friends secret? | My best friend and I live about 300 miles apart so we facetime approx 4 times a day. Yesterday the topic came up about periods and she very casually said that she no longer gets hers and cant have kids. Fast forward to later last night and we are on facetime again, this time my fiancee is with me and my SO said damn "friend" are you on your period? directed towards my friend.
I said to him not even realizing somewhere along the lines of "no dumbass she cant get them or have kids!" I realized my mistake after i looked at my phone and she looked pissed and immediately hung up.
She never told me it was a secret. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
RjuRgclJ2w5kShuZ2mF9iqHUJLGEpNeV | b57y43 | {
"description": "telling the girl Im dating I dont like her Dr. Martens",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For telling the girl im dating I dont like her Dr. Martens | To be clear didnt straight u tell her I think the shoe are ugly. But she asked me, and I straight up told her I really dont like them. I also told her she should wear whatever she wants and its not my buisness.
She then proceeds to buy another pair, and again ask my opion the shoes. So obviously I tell her I dont like the shoes. And again she buys another pair(im being dead serious) she ask me what I think of these. So once again I tell her I dont like them l, even though I had admit that the 3rd pair were better looking then the other ones.
I like the girl, but I just dont like the shoes, I dont care that she wears them though. But ive been feeling bad about since she obviously really likes them.
To be clear, she had one pair, and bought to pairs since ive been dating her. Should I just have lied and said I liked to shoes, even though I think they are horrible ? I really think the shoes are terrible(sorry for the fans here)
Is lying to be nice so horrible ? Or should I just continue being honest to her ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
39wKfffv5JERnizXiOTDEhPuht6QdAoj | b4ptbo | {
"description": "trying to stop my friend from putting more money into a trading business that seems like a scam",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for trying to stop my friend from putting more money into a trading business that seems like a scam | Firstly I don’t know anything about trading and am just going off various YouTube videos and articles.
Two of my friends have recently signed up to IMarketsLive (IML) and have spent over £500 between them so far. I looked up this business online and it seems that they are just a scam and run as some sort of pyramid scheme ( If you have two friends sign up they don’t charge you the £100 monthly fee) and it seems really sketchy. The more I looked into this the worse things looked and when I confronted them about it they seemed to dismiss these things and say the people just weren’t trading properly and expected it to happen overnight. One works full time so he can spare this sort of money however the other is a uni student and is always short on cash. I thought by bringing it up in our group chat I would be able t show them that it wasn’t a good idea and they are spending a lot of money unwisely, one of the guys didn’t take it well and says I’m stopping him trying to make money in a different way and stopping him from bettering himself and now wont come out for social occasions and had a huge argument with me where we both said things we shouldn’t have and I can see it being a problem in my friendship group.
(All the money is what I’ve been told by other people not 100% accurate) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
w9OuF14EQUyC7Up23iEIj5Dta4zb2WhB | aui4fo | {
"description": "being upset for moms hoarding tendencies",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset for moms hoarding tendencies | First time posting on reddit, nice to meet everyone!
​
I have 2 weeks off from school to study. I spent half just deep cleaning my house in neglected areas that don't receive regular touch ups by the family. It was very productive and threw out about 5-8 black garbage bags in the span of a week, donated 3 large boxes of knick knacks and clothing and the rest was recycled.
\*Junk I threw out had categories: expired food, excess plastic containers, and stuff that can be replaced by reusable items we already had.\*
Sounds great? Well here comes the onslaught.
I was cleaning the hallway where everyone walks but I almost dislocated a toe after stubbing previously (it hurts when I bend I got it checked and got sprained diagnosis) because there was so much stuff it took up 1/4 of the walking space. It's not stacked neatly and has irregular corners poking out. I got blamed for not cleaning but none of it is mine nor did I place it there. So during my break I cleaned it and now there are only 3 sorted bins in the corner of the hallway. Mom went ballistic and started to accuse me of throwing out precious expensive things of hers and was just pure shouting. I yelled back "hey I gave you a week to see what I was going to do with the stuff and keep anything of importance to you in the open living room" and "the house is so messed up and it's all your 'stuff' "
Not gonna lie but my kindness was tested and if I replied quieter it wouldn't have been heard y'know.
​
My mom was poor so I understand the need to keep things because of past scarcity but now I pay the gas bill and buy my own things so it gets overwhelming to live in a space where things just pile up.
​
I gave her 4 years to clean these spaces and I now have the mental strength to do it myself. Also dad approved of the trash being thrown out so I was surprised at the outburst from mom.\* I have consulted with a psychologist on how to approach a hoarder when throwing out large amounts and deescalate when they feel anxiety.\*
AITA for making her go ballistic and sad?
​
**TL;DR** Mom is a diagnosed hoarder, refuses to deep clean so I spent 1 week cleaning myself, found dead bugs almost cried myself and got shit from mom for days. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
En22JlHqv1BdsUV95zGbD7XJhexekcUA | aocccr | {
"description": "slut shaming someone I know",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for slut shaming someone I know | let me give some backstory we are all in high school and basically everyone in the story is someone I know so someone I knew and used to like started getting a little more lustful some of my friends started noticing this and took advantage whenever I would jokingly insult her like saying "fuck you" she would say "When?" Of course not liking this I would walk away now today is the day that it got too inappropriate she said she would have a threesome with two of my friends openly say she would fuck another one of my friends and then proceeded to let some kid touch her fucking breasts now when I said something about it she looked at me like I was the bad one which I do not get at all and actually made me feel bad by the way I think I'm allowed to add criticism when she literally has a boyfriend and she's doing all of this so am I the asshole | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
9rjolvKHINMiSgeofOcUu33ZmF55qQHf | b7jr6d | {
"description": "asking my brother to ditch his wife",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for asking my brother to ditch his wife? | TL;DR at the bottom.
My little brother has been married for a few months now. His wife is great, super sweet, down to earth, I love them together. But I would really like him to ditch her on April 26th.
Avengers Endgame is coming. Me and my brother have watched nearly every Marvel movie in the theater together (only missing Infinity Was because I had moved out of town, didn't find a job, and couldn't afford to drop in for a visit).
Friends and family have accompanied us, of course. But he and I have been the the only constants surrounded by the changing faces of people who come and go in our lives.
Needless to say, with the span of the MCU, we've been watching these movies way before he began dating his wife.
Now I'm not one to ever think that someone is "stealing my brother me" and I don't ever try to get between them. But I'm trying to buy advanced tickets to the movie so that we can go on opening night. I didn't assume that we would go alone, we spoke about it and I told him that we should go by ourselves and then we'll go again with his wife, our mom, and friends. He agrees.
Fine.
Cut to two minutes ago, I'm telling him how I'm short on cash and I'm gonna pull out a payday loan to buy these tickets (I didn't realize the tickets might go on sale soon).
*He asks me to buy three*
I start shaking my head and he responses with a "fine then I don't wanna go".
How could I not be pissed? We've seen movies without her before, its not even something she's super into? But he started getting defensive. I told him I don't want to watch it with him at all anymore.
At this point, even if he decides to go with me alone, how can I not feel shitty for asking him to ditch his wife? I know their newlyweds and this may be an attachment thing. But no matter what, I have a super guilty conscious, and I know its gonna muddle up a night that, otherwise, would have been amazing. AITA?
(TL;DR I want to watch Endgame with my brother alone to complete the tradition we've had, he wants to bring his wife, I don't want him to) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
kGmPxdBMjeCWP7gwmtWoRG3TPAjyDDMQ | aok5hh | {
"description": "not extending an invite to someone I don't like",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not extending an invite to someone I don’t like? | Throwaway because I don’t actually have a Reddit account.
So a little backstory, my friend group has this one kid, who we’ll call A, who I just don’t get along with. We are friendly most of the time when we need to be, but we disagree on a lot of things so we butt heads a lot. He’s incredibly pretentious and likes to belittle people. If you like a song and he doesn’t or vice versa, he’ll use his musical background as proof that your opinion is *wrong*. I stress that he will literally tell you you’re wrong for having a different taste in music. I have a laundry list of things he’s done that annoy me (no really, I have a list written down in my phone) but we won’t get into that right now. One additional detail, I’ve never been invited to anything of his, we only ever hang out when someone else in the group organizes it.
So recently I invited a few of my friends from this group (the 3 that are like my best friends) to hang out at my house and do what we do, nothing crazy fun or anything. They agreed to come and we planned on going out for dinner and a few beers before heading to my house. One friend, we’ll call B, says “by the way A is coming.” He knows we don’t get along, as it is very much not a secret. I replied with “ok that’s fine, but he’s not coming to my house.” He just didn’t respond as the group chat had already moved on. Once we’re all at dinner, B texts me and asks “don’t you think it’s a little fucked up to not extend the invite to A since we’re all heading there after this?” And I said “Did you already invite him? It’s not like he has to know.” And B says “no I didn’t but he’s going to ask what we’re doing after this and it might get awkward.” So I said “well you invited him here after we made all the plans so I thought you might have thought about that ahead of time when I told you he can’t come to my house.” He gave me an annoyed look from across the table and it stopped there. (Quick notes that A was with other people that were not coming to my house, so it’s not like we were just going to ditch him all alone. I would have been ok with all of these people except A joining, but didn’t invite them or even bring it up to avoid the awkward situation).
We left, and they didn’t even ask as that half of the group had plans as well. It could have all ended there and been over with. After we went to our separate cars B called me to tell me how rude I am and it’s fucked up that I wouldn’t invite him. I said I just wanted you guys to come chill I didn’t want to invite a bunch of people and especially not him. I shouldn’t be forced to deal with somebody I don’t get along with at my own house if I don’t want to. He got madder and said he’s going to hang out with A and the other kids instead so I said ok that’s fine and my 2 other fiends came over and we had a great time.
So, AITA for not inviting this kid to my house? He wasn’t involved at all until B invited him to dinner knowing the plan for afterwards, knowing we don’t get along, and knowing I didn’t want to invite him. I honestly feel bad at all and feel that my actions were totally justified. Could be wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vlZIyt1WX0HiQL6QB3vxzT0pGx3G2FJM | 9v1ecl | {
"description": "covering my boyfriends mouth while he yelled during an argument",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for covering my boyfriends mouth while he yelled during an argument | My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years and live together. We differ in politics which sparked a drunken argument the other night. He ended up screaming at the top of his lungs to the point that I had to keep telling him to quiet down and when he wouldn't my drunken self kept putting my hand over his mouth to try to shut him up. He kept smacking my hand away telling me not to touch him. I understand I shouldn't touch him but my drunk self just continued to put my hand over his mouth because he kept screaming. That's when he "pushed" my chest to knock me down. His push was more of hitting me in the chest so hard that I flew back. He's acting like I was super out of line to put my hand over is his mouth and what he did was justified. We've had discussions and arguments over politics before but not like this. I do feel bad I kept putting my hands on him when he told me not to but I don't think he should of pushed me like that. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
yeBYOjYUtI84JAh3VlSqCTxZUoKcRvRx | aojaga | {
"description": "trying to discuss my internalized biphobia with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 50,
"contranormative_score": 28
} | AITA For trying to discuss my internalized biphobia with my boyfriend? | Okay so context! My(18f) boyfriend(23m) and I have been dating for a little while, and we were friends for some time before that. Now I had known that he was bisexual from previous discussions but he had heavily implied he had never gone further than a good makeout sesh.
Fast forward to last week when he lets me know that it’s gone much, MUCH further than that with multiple men on multiple occasions. Now i’m already quite insecure about the number of sexual partners he’s had because he was my first and only everything, including my first kiss, and i’m now aware that he’s had well over 70+ different partners (about 20 being men) so that’s already a bit hard to swallow as stupid as it may seem.
Now here’s the big issue. I’ve always considered myself a huge ally for the lgbtq community. I have a fairly well known online presence so I use it to push for change and encourage others to do the same with protests and such. I never ever thought I would have an issue with my partner being bisexual. But when he told me I was suddenly filled with disgust. I am now genuinely turned off when he tries to initiate cause I just think about him with men. It’s also quite odd to me because he informed me that he is a bottom where as he is very dominant in our relationship and it’s just plain weird to me. I’ve cried about it all week because I can’t believe that as hard as I try, homophobia has creeped into my brain.
I tried to discuss how I was feeling with him because I knew bottling up these feelings wouldn’t end well for either of us and I really do love him. He ended up yelling at me that I was a homophobic bitch and that he wished I had never said anything. But I don’t WANT to keep it to myself. I love him and I want to work through this either together or through couples counseling. But he says it’s something I need to deal with on my own. It’s killing our relationship because he now says I should’ve just never told him and it was mean of me to do so.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 46,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 50,
"WRONG": 28
} | RIGHT |
6PXsgX93jo4OKMNLODxcO4gxWuR5KZAZ | aw31hz | {
"description": "being angry at my sick roommate for not making an effort to stop germ spreading",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being angry at my sick roommate for not making an effort to stop germ spreading? | First to clarify, the sickness isn't lifethreatening or anything (I wouldn't give a shit about this if he was in worse straits). He's been coughing with a sore throat and a mild fever, but pretty happy to get some days off work and is in general
high spirits. When he initially got sick, we joked we'd have to quarantine him because I have an important day at university next Monday that involves speaking for quite a while, and he agreed to get a sick mask to wear and to not share anything with me.
​
Over the last week however, he's done literally nothing to stop germs spreading. He didn't get any mask or any sort of sick gear despite me asking twice, he grabbed a bunch of our shared dinner chips with his bare hands even though tongs were right there, he's coughed without covering his mouth in our kitchen twice and later he coughed in his hand and then opened up the fridge with said hand (!) At first I asked politely for him to wash his hands and joked about it, but he's literally done the opposite of everything he was supposed to do and I got irritated. I started asking more often and he would reply more angrily to leave him alone and he wasn't a child
Lo and behold yesterday I have a massive headache and fever with what feels like the beginning of a sore throat which has persisted into today. I told him he could have tried harder to not spread it to me and he called me a neat freak who's "been riding his ass all week over nothing" and is now giving me the cold shoulder.
​
Was I too much of a nag? I feel like he could have at least attempted to be more hygienic. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2RD6kpvVSBtJWDU6JMbUX8Lb0XywH1r4 | a9wg8n | {
"description": "declining hosting out of town friends just because I don't want to",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA to decline hosting out of town friends just because I don’t want to? | I am 26 years old and currently at the point in my life where I have an established career in the city I live in and happen to live in a one bedroom apartment by myself.
Sometimes, friends from out of town will tell me that they’re coming to visit my area and ask whether I would be open to hosting them.
I’ve hosted people before, and find that it involves a lot of physical and mental labor. Often times, I have to be the one to not only wash/clean/prep my apartment for their arrival, but also drive them around, pay for meals as the host or cook them meals, pick up from airport/drive to airport, clean up/wash sheets afterwards, etc. Doing stuff like this is exhausting and also financially a strain.
I live in a one bedroom that is very small and the only place that a guest could sleep in is on the small sofa, which I imagine is not that comfortable. I don’t even have space for a dining table, so I eat on the coffee table. My bathroom isn’t the nicest (apartment needs to be renovated) as well.
One friend from another state told me that she was close by to my city, only 3 hours away, visiting another friend. She brought up the prospect of visiting me, with the assumption that I would be hosting.
She gave me a one week notice, I’m sure she has known about this trip for a while but we didn’t arrange for anything on my end.
She hinted that her friend was encouraging her to visit me for 2-3 days so that she can get out of his house for a bit. (She’s visiting him for 2 weeks.)
When she originally asked, I said that I would be open to hosting her. However, upon giving this more thought, I’m having doubts and don’t want to go through all the work of hosting her. If she were to arrange her own accommodations, I would love to spend quality time with her!
WIBTA If I told her that I wouldn’t be available to host? I can brainstorm some alternatives but I’m sure she’d be disappointed. Thank you for reading my post! | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CPHBAUDhC7LgoddhM4jS50AzlS5nM7MT | asb0cu | null | AITA if i send my ex bf a text saying I want to pay for this jacket I never ended up paying for | Hello Reddit! Yes, I am an asshole because two years ago, my (now ex) best friend had a huge fight and ended up drifting apart from each other. Before our fight, things were already tough but she did order a jacket for me (she was ordering from that store for her and I asked her to order me this bomb ass jacket from the 80's).
Well she did and I never payed her back. Even though, after our falling out - she had asked me to pay her back.
So yes, I am an asshole but I do regret never paying her and I haven't even wore the jacket, ever... It's just sitting there in my closet. Haunting me.
Am I a bigger asshole if I message her apologizing and asking her, her info to finally pay her back? Should I just leave her alone?
Update: she accepted my apologies and was quite cordial with everything but didn't accept my payment. Since I had her e-mail address I went ahead and transfered the amount anyways. Thanks everyone! | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
zPYDJX1eNznEtR4tW8BB9IcP5MUFkAXX | abr90i | {
"description": "barging in on my friend's relationship",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for barging in on my friend’s relationship?? | mobile ya know the drill (TL;DR at end)
I have this friend I’ll refer to as D and she’s been dating this guy for maybe seven months. From day ONE she complains to me about how he ignores her texts and parties with other girls! So obviously after a few months I’m more than a little annoyed with this guy.
After a particularly bad episode where she runs away from home to cry in a park by herself at night, she calls me because her boyfriend won’t console her or even call because he’s hanging out with friends. Fed up, I message him and ask him what the hell is up for him to leave his girlfriend when she’s been crying nonstop. He turns on mE and accuses me of barging in on their relationship and not knowing anything about it.
Hun for seven months she calls me after arguing with you and I’M the one that doesn’t know anything?? Then he’s playing the victim saying that he needs space from her and that I’m not accomplishing anything by talking to him him. But right after I message him, he finALLY calls her to talk.
Mind you, this whole time his girlfriend knows what I’m saying and checks off anything I send. She’s even saying that she’s planning on dumping him after this.
Then, by the end of the night he apologizes and she takes him back! Never mind the fact that he was more concerned that someone was calling him out than his girlfriend’s emotional health
TL;DR Friend is angry at boyfriend, I chew him out in her place and she knows every word I’m saying, but boyfriend says it’s not my place and I don’t know anything about their relationship | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
L4xjFnS5reIwnY7WcEjiSJyACnuin7zX | aopk4h | {
"description": "wanting our relationship to be exclusive",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting our relationship to be exclusive? | Tldr; my gf says she is too young to settle down with 1 guy for the rest of her life. She really likes getting attention from other guys. A guy tried to kiss her but she said no, because she loves me, but she also said she really wants to be able to kiss people when she is out clubbing. Am i an asshole for saying no i don't want you to kissother people.
Me and my girlfriend, both 22, are going through a rough time. I know that happends to all of us. We have been together for a year and half now. In the beginning we were madly in love (still are, kind of). After some time together she admits to me that she is not ready to settle down. Before you ask, i did not propose to her.
Let me paint the picture first.
She used to party very hard, like every weekend. She has hooked up with so many people that she can't go out clubbing without meeting a former "lover". She stopped partying over time, before and after i met her. So I did not put an end to it. She likes tk go out to dance, and i've never stopped her.
Me, i am not a very social guy, i rarely go out, i have few and close friends. I am also a VERY jealous guy. She is my second relationship. The first girl tried to use me to get pregnant and cheated on me. So I have some trust issues with girls. I am working on that.
After about 8 months or so together she confesses to me that she is not ready to settle down. We are only 21/22 years at the time. So i think fuck it, we're young i don't wanna stop her from living her life how she wants it. We agree on an open relationship. We love each other, but can hook up with others. She with a couple of people some times and i'm REALLY FUCKING JEALOUS. I never got with anybody because when she found out i was talking to a girl she was on the verge of crying, and became jealous just by me talking to other girls. I never really had to intention to be with anybody else because of trust issues and i never was. After about 2 months we end the openrelationship because we are both too jealous people to cope with it.
We are now exclusive and that's how i want it and she too, kind of. Time goes by and she admits she misses the attention she got when she was single. We talk and both agree that if she is out clubbing she is allowed to talk to and dance with other guys. That is fine with me.
Tonight she told me that she was out with a friend. She talked with a guy and danced with him for hours. And then he tried to kiss her. She stopped him. Atleast she said she did stop him because she loves me. But then she said she only did it because it was the right thing. She said she was captivated with him, not in love but kind of flattered. She tells me she really wants more. She has said that for her, kissing/making out with guys is for her an appropriate way to thank them for being nice, flirting, dancing with her etc.
She likes getting attention, the kind that makes her feel good about herself. I know getting compliments on your looks feel better from somebodyelse than your boyfriend who calls you beautiful every day.
I told her that im not happy with her if she kisses other guys. I even told her i might end our relationship if there cant be just us 2. And we disagree. She did nothing with the guy as far as i know. She is about 1000 kilometres (600 miles?) away visiting a friend and that is where all this happened. Am i the asshole for telling her no to kiss other guys? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BE6WkNWgXWCk3kIXmQwuOkjnHtcpRjA0 | afl15b | {
"description": "not wanting to break up with my girlfriend/stepsister",
"pronormative_score": 753,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for not wanting to break up with my girlfriend/stepsister? | First of all, I know how that sounds, but it's really not like that.
My girlfriend and I were childhood friends turned high school/college sweethearts. We are both 20 now and have been dating since we were 14. We are both commuter students at the same state college, so we still live at home. The same home. Because our parents are married.
It's my mom and her dad. Both divorced when they met, you can imagine the rest. When we were in HS we begged them not to date because of exactly this reason. Weirdly enough, while they were just dating they were totally fine with my girlfriend and I being together, but it pretty much changed immediately when they got married last year and moved in together.
Honestly, I hate being in this situation. Even though I know there is nothing wrong with us, it needles me every time my mom says "go tell your sister x". I think she is doing it on purpose to get under my skin. My (real) dad thinks the situation is hilarious and his view basically boils down to "What did you expect from the crazy bitch?" But I see him infrequently and our living situation would be very bad if we moved in with him (drugs) so that isn't an option. My girlfriend's bio mom has not been in the picture for her whole life, so that's not an option either. We can't afford to get our own place until we graduate.
This living situation is driving us crazy, but we want to ride it out until we've graduated and have jobs and can get our own place, or a place with roommates. Our parents have become laser focused on breaking us up, calling us brother and sister at every opportunity and lecturing us about how disgusting it is, asking us aren't we embarrassed that our friends know, saying that it's not anyone's fault that they got married first and this is just the way it has to be. I love this girl and have spent my life with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I just can't stomach breaking up when *we* are fine and it is this bizarre outside circumstance trying to drive a wedge between us.
AITA? Are we all bad? Is it inappropriate no matter what to date your "stepsister" who you live with? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 746,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 753,
"WRONG": 13
} | RIGHT |
D1ImT6awvaYudiG5hEFIicqBRLWyPEL0 | b5ytyj | {
"description": "asking my gf of 11 months to see her birthcontrol",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 26
} | AITA for asking my (23m) GF (21f) of 11 months to see her birthcontrol? | So, the title pretty much says it all.
We were getting in the mood to wrestle naked and while putting the condom on I asked if she was using birth control. I don't want children in the future but she says she's on the fence. We had this discussion very early on within the relationship. Everything seems fine about our relationship, but call me paranoid, I just wanted to have visual evidence that she was honest since this was the first time we were sleeping together.
Once I ask to see the birth control, it pretty much killed the mood for her and we ended up not talking for the rest of the night and me going home. Now it's the next day and she still hasn't talked to me.
All I'm wondering is AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 25,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 26
} | WRONG |
bLAVe60OmbHuN7GYsu4Z5njXKb3pyDRF | a1gvmw | {
"description": "wanting to work",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to work | My (24F) fiance (26M) continually get in arguements over this and idk, maybe I am being an asshole.
BACKGROUND
I currently attend University, work part-time, and take care of our 2-year-old. He works full time, 53 hour weeks.
When we first got pregnant we discussed it and decided it would be best for me to quit working and focus on school full-time, taking care of the baby, and taking care of the house while he took care of all of the bills. We also decided at this time that when I graduate we will be moving to another country and need to start saving up for our Visa/money to live off of at first. We put together a budget that was tight, but still left him with several hundred dollars a month for spending money.
Around 6 months go by and the gas/electric are about to get shut off, rent has been late every month, and my savings I had previous has been drained trying to keep up on the bills for him because he "needs" $15 in crap from the gas station every morning and "needs" to buy lunch for the entire office everyday (which, no. He doesn't). I'm stressing out because I always paid my bills early and we really need to save so I went out, found a job that works with my schedule (only open while daycare is open so he doesn't have to watch the baby, willing to work around my class schedule) and began working so that we could, you know, pay the damn bills.
He's upset. I did this without discussing it with him, and "Who will take care of the house!?!?" I told him that paying for the damn house should take precedence, and I would actually like to have a tiny bit of spending money now and again as I was never given anything before, unless he was in a really good mood because "why would I want to give you money if I'm upset at you". This is like $10-$15 that I would ask for an entire 1-2 weeks.
Ever since then if the house isn't spotless, he gets mad and tells me I need to quit. He has to change a diaper? I need to quit. His dog that he brought home without discussing needs a bath and I didn't do it? I need to quit. I've ate 2 hotdogs in the past 3 days because I've been working so much at my job and to get ready for finals and make sure I get the baby picked up on time and taken care of and I have no money for groceries or food because literally every dollar plus $10 I didnt have went to bills. He has his entire weeks pay on cash and so I asked for a little money so I could buy some food today. Once again it was "Why would I give you money if I'm upset at you? If you didn't work you'd have time to take care of your house duties and I wouldn't be upset and you could go to the grocery."
Idk. I'm at my wits end. I thought I was in the right but now I'm really starting to question myself. Maybe I am really being an asshole about the whole thing and asking for too much.
TLDR: I want to work, Fiance says I need to quit and take care of baby/house better. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
i47UKm0t6I752h1GQ2hW31zg39pQ25wM | b9ls4y | {
"description": "telling my friend's parents that she has an eating disorder",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for telling my friend's parents that she has an eating disorder? | My friend and roommate has an obvious eating disorder. She shows symptoms of binging, restricting, and over exercising. She is at a healthy weight right now but she is still obsessed with losing weight.
I know a lot about the subject, I'm involved in the health/fitness scene. I have tried to talk to her about it and she brushes me off. I didn't know what else to do, so I told her parents. We kind of had a sit down meeting about it. She didn't talk much, just listened and said she would have to think about everything.
I stepped out to hit my vape pen for awhile and then she came out and was pissed. She said she didn't have an eating disorder and that I ruined her life. Apparently her parents want her to go to the hospital. She was screaming at me and then drove off. This happened earlier and she hasn't come home yet.
Her parents are glad I told then but my other friends think it was a dick move. My boyfriend said I was nosy and just wanted to start drama, but I'm really concerned about my friend... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
iMCNfVoyhO51RdrzW2boqCUum5O7JvTG | as5qh8 | {
"description": "asking a friend to hang out with me, and bringing her boyfriend without telling me, and I got annoying over it",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I asked a friend to hang out with me, and she brings her boyfriend without telling me, and I got annoyed over it? | Hi y'all, this happened like months ago and I've technically moved on from it but at the same time part of me is still slightly salty over it, lol.
​
Anyway, I invited out to get some food opposite my home and hers (we live quite close), and she agreed to it earlier that day. So I go to the prata shop and then she's there with her boyfriend. Like, without warning or anything to me.
​
Her boyfriend and I aren't that close btw, so like there are things I won't discuss with her in front of him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
akns6tXVR7HDczIESOXvz7fGvZmRb6rF | axexto | {
"description": "going to meet with a female friend, after having just organised a date with another friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for going to meet with a female friend, after having just organised a date with another friend? | Hi,
This is an odd one but I just want to make sure I'm not overstepping by doing this.
So recently, I (M) asked a girl I have been talking to out on a date. She was quite excited about it and we have arranged to go this saturday night. I am quite excited about it as well, as she seems like an amazing person.
However, last night, I was talking with another female friend who went out with one of my friends, and she has been quite down after some events happening between them. She feels 'used' by him, and after hearing he might be getting back in with his ex, was quite upset by it. I said I'll try to meet up with her (before my date) and just make sure she is doing well, but I'm worried that by doing this, it would be really disrespectful to the girl I asked out. So, WIBTA for going out with this girl to make sure shes doing alright, after having asked the other girl on a date? Should I possibly mention it to the girl just so she understands why I'm going to meet her and doesn't take it the wrong way? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qwHJj3vuStYx9XrRFKgESGKLmSrhPURI | avfz4t | {
"description": "asking mother for info regarding paternal father, during \"fight\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | Aita: asking mother for info regarding paternal father, during “fight” | Mannn there’s a lot of context to this situation, I typed most of it but I just want to be direct and make this easy for anyone reading.
My mother and I aren’t on good terms. In my opinion it’s because we are both fucked in the head, in her opinion, In the only one with issues...
So after over a year of almost no communication from my family I started cutting social media ties and changed my phone number.
Find some self help groups, read some books, start looking at the world differently.
Eventually, my mom gets in touch with me.
I try to explain that I’m not just some nice push over anymore, and I’m really upset with a lot of the decisions she made in my youth, which she just takes personally and Tried to flip the power dynamic and play the victim.
I also explain I’m trying to grow and get my shit together, and one of the things to do that is increase freedom.
I want a passport and if possible a second residency, as well as more connections to provide me options in life.
A man lives and dies by his options.
Well every time I ask her his name, she ignores me and doesn’t reply. (Talking via text). I explained to her why I am asking for this info, and it doesn’t help.
I could see that since he abandoned us, he could still be a piece of shit, but it’s been almost 30 years.
I wanna make the man choose and be a piece of shot to me. Not some random chick from work he accidentally got knocked up.
Worse possible scenario, he tells me fuck off....
And considering how much my other family doesn’t speak to me, why not.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CwfU4WcIanl6FEpXCyHLp1MJtjHpuGpp | avb8xx | {
"description": "not giving a friend a birthday gift even though I've given everyone else gifts",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving a friend a birthday gift even though I’ve given everyone else gifts? | I’ve been with this group of online friends for 4 years now and we all play League of Legends. There are 8 of us in total and for the past 4 years I’ve gifted each of them a skin (around 5 bucks per skin ) on their birthdays and Christmas. My friends would do the same except “Jane”.
Jane hasn’t played League in over a year. She logged on once on Christmas Day and was annoyed that I gave everyone else a gift on Christmas except her. Her birthday was 2 days ago and she logged on. I assume I’m the only one who didn’t gift her a skin because she called me out for being selfish. But over the course of a year she has only logged on twice.
The thing is Jane has never ever spent even a penny on anything for my birthday or Christmas. Not even a “happy birthday” or “thank you so much for X thing”. There was one time we’re we all went to meet up and everyone brought gifts for each other. I got personalized shot glasses for everyone. Jane didn’t bring a single gift for anyone.
She then talked to her BF, who’s in our group, about how I’m selfish and he confronted to me about it privately. I pointed out that he spent $500 on a Valentine’s Day gift for her and she gave him a $10 name change as a gift. I told him Jane puts herself before everyone else and that I’m not obligated to give gifts to people. Especially since Jane doesn’t even play the game anymore. Now, Jane is just showing off her gifts from her BF on our group chat and passively throwing shots at me. So, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jWWxRHewoUYUiamdRZxYqg9CKpNUQuA7 | a8rlbq | {
"description": "not wanting to go to church with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to go to church with my mother? | My mother for the past few days has been asking me to go with her on Sunday for church. The thing is, I am an atheist. She knows this and yet keeps on saying stuff like "it'll be a Christmas gift for me" and "It's just a Christmas concert" (she goes to a really strange theatre-like church where they have concerts and stuff, it's weird)
I understand it'll be like a 'concert' and that it'll mean a lot to her, but I feel like she's guilt-tripping me. I really don't feel like waking up early just to go to a place I won't feel comfortable at for 3 or 4 hours, regardless of whether it's a concert or not, especially since it goes against my beliefs. Most of the time the concerts are intermittent by half an hour long Bible readings anyway, so it's more just like going to church with a few songs here and there. I've been there before, it's really awkward for me.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
XWcJVlWtMXQ3PcUE1ymvRcNuR2C0chkA | b9gett | {
"description": "despising my mother",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for despising my mother? | To make a very long story somewhat short, my mom has BPD (borderline personality disorder) and is very erratic to say the least. Since I was a kid it’s always been about me caring for her and her needs. I took care of my siblings, cooked, cleaned, helped with homework, etc. Around 13/14 I kind of gave up on trying to keep up with my duties because they were never done “good enough” I was always being belittled and developed depression and anxiety issues from a young age. I started developing a deep set resentment for my mother around that same time. I feel as though I’m the asshole because there are times where she’s perfectly fine and we get along, or she does nice things for my siblings and I (takes us on trips, movies, dinner, beach, etc), and I understand that her disorder is a big root in this, but I can’t shake the seething hatred I feel for her at times.
TL;DR AITA because I resent my mother for her somewhat abusive personality disorder? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wYiOnz9lPdmjpJwaWxlbNgSbR0HBCpNK | a55w7e | {
"description": "hoping my girlfriends mom will pass away sooner rather than later",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hoping my girlfriends mom will pass away sooner rather than later? | Writing from mobile on a throwaway, and yes I see how you could read the title and immediately think I’m an asshole, but hear me out. My girlfriend (17) has a very bad home life, she lives in a super run down house, was taken out of school very early for “religious” reasons, and is abused often by her siblings and dad. She lives in a house with her mom, her dad, and her 5 siblings, they are very poor and live off of food stamps. That’s never been a problem for me as I don’t judge her based on her wealth, but it becomes a problem for me when I realize she hates it there and claims everyone in her family hates her and treats her terribly.
Where her mom comes into this is that her mom is the only person she cares about (other than me, according to her) and her mom has really bad stomach cancer. Being as poor as they are, they can’t afford treatment for her, so my girlfriend is stuck watching her mom die slowly, I’ve offered to let her move out of her house and move in with me when she turns 18, but she doesn’t want to leave her mom. She says her mom is the only person that loves her there and they share a deep connection which is understandable, but her mom also told her it was “too late” to report the man who raped her when she was 10, so from my perspective my girlfriend seems to care so much more about her mom than her mom does her. I have always been middle to upper class and would be able to provide a better life for my girlfriend and she wants that, but she says she has to wait till her mom passes, so am I the asshole for hoping that she passes sooner rather than later? I just want my girlfriend to be in a better environment that she deserves. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rrPuq69EeIXAFa6FZ1yJg6FJ2LohrIzp | a9ygz2 | {
"description": "telling my wife she is taking advantage of me by taking 1-2 weeks off during the breaks between semesters",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for telling my wife she is taking advantage of me by taking 1-2 weeks off during the breaks between semesters? | My wife is a PhD student, and I work full time. The overwhelming majority of our income comes from my job. We are in our 30’s, have tons of debt, and have basically nothing saved for emergencies or retirement. The only way out of this situation is for both of us to maximize our wage earning potential (while obviously cutting expenses as well), and for my wife that means finishing her PhD ASAP. Currently she is taking on one graduate level TA position and teaching one undergrad course per semester. Her ability to access positions varies dramatically from semester to semester. The amount they pay her is outrageously minuscule. (Not her fault, she deserves more.)
During the semester she always tells me she is too busy to work on her dissertation, and that she will work on it during the next summer/winter break.
This summer we took a two week vacation overseas. Before you tell me how stupid that is, keep in mind that for the three weeks preceding and following the vacation I worked 60-70 hours a week to pay for the lost income and travel expenses. The first few days of the trip were an academic conference my wife participated in.
So when we got home, I went back to work and she spent another two weeks watching the World Cup with friends. She openly admits she did zero work during that time. She told me the reason she chose academia was so she could have her summers off, and that the World Cup doesn’t happen often so I should cut her a break.
The day after Christmas she told me she won’t be working on her dissertation till after the New year. She said her end of semester crunch and the holidays were exhausting and she needs a break.
I need a break too, but I have a job and bills. I don’t have that luxury. I told her she is taking advantage of me. She said that I had more days off per week over this past semester than her. This is true, but I work 12-14 hour shifts. Three days off per week still means a 50 hour work week.
Am I wrong to tell her she is taking advantage of me?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 13
} | RIGHT |
mOVnlH3Bk3yKnPMWltNhEm5JoJYCN9wH | b98wlf | {
"description": "asking my roommate to give me money for her cat ruining my furniture",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I ask my roommate to give me money for her cat ruining my furniture? | So I just got a new couch this summer and it was $250. My roommate also decided to take in a cat that isn’t hers and didn’t ask me if I was ok with it. I literally just walked in one day and there was a cat.
Well, she hardly ever gets the cats nails trimmed and didn’t buy a scratching post for the cat either. So naturally, the cat scratches the furniture. I noticed the cat started to scratch my furniture so I bought a scratching post for a cat that isn’t even mine to preserve my furniture. The cat never used the scratching post. Sadly, all the furniture in the apartment is mine so my brand new couch is completely scratched up meaning that I will never be able to resell it. My reclining chair in the apartment was destroyed by the cat as well.
I have a hard time with confrontation but she’s been a horrible roommate even without the cat here. I think with the two pieces of furniture that her cat destroyed (I bought both the couch and recliner for $350) I feel like she owes me at least $100 for my almost brand new furniture being destroyed. I don’t even want to use the couch when i move out because it looks THAT bad. I feel bad because she doesn’t have a job so she has very little money anyways, but she has plenty of free time as well. Would that be unreasonable to ask for compensation?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pqntCfcz5nA1gyI7VZsPMOjp8GM5MMqd | azqfb0 | {
"description": "not wanting a relationship with my sister let alone not wanting to go to her wedding",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting a relationship with my sister let alone not wanting to go to her wedding? | Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I (28f) have never been close with my sister (30f). As kids we didn’t get along or play together. As teenagers we only had a Don’t snitch on me and I won’t snitch on you type relationship. I became a mom at 16 and my sister helped me a lot with babysitting when I didn’t have daycare. I always expressed my gratitude. Gave a speech at my graduation about how much I loved and appreciated her, couldn’t have graduated without her help, even bought her Mothers Day gifts for years bc she had been like a second mom to my kids. Well I stopped years ago.
After I graduated what little relationship we had disappeared. I always wanted to be close with her but she’d hardly ever budge. Didn’t come around. Could never get ahold of her. Growing up she always acted like she was better than everyone else. Was very judgmental. Acted snobby and short and rude to me and everyone else. She could never be bothered to do anything for anyone unless we paid her.
Fast forward to now. 6 months ago I almost died and was in the hospital for a couple weeks. My brother who lives 2000 miles away called. My sister who lives an hour away never showed up to the hospital, never called, never texted. After leaving the hospital I started caring for our handicap mother. I was overwhelmed already and needed help with our mom. I asked my sister multiple times to please come over, even if just for a couple hours one or two Saturdays a month so I could have a break and spend time with my kids. Nope. She can’t. She won’t. She doesn’t have time. I tell her I can pay her $200. She magically makes time.
After that I told my mom I’m done. I love my sister but I’m done crying and hurting over trying to have my sister when she hasn’t acted like family for the past 6+ years. I’m done feeling judged by her for so long. Done with her being rude and looking down her nose at me. Done having to pay her just to be a part of her life. As it stands we haven’t spoken in months. She’s getting married in October and I don’t want to go. I don’t want anything to do with her now. I’m just done. But my dad and grandparents are giving me shit for it saying I need to get over it and go bc she’s my sister. So you tell me, AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
aMfFej3vXXAhsVPYvKAvZ2g33TmR4Gc5 | abq93c | {
"description": "forcing my Stepson to finish a level in a video",
"pronormative_score": 135,
"contranormative_score": 93
} | AITA for forcing my Stepson(7) to finish a level in a video. | My stepson is a constant quitter. He wants to do everything until he realizes it takes effort..Today I was studying while he played the Xbox. He was playing the retro sonic game we got him for Christmas. When he plays as long as the game doesn’t require any effort he is cool. The moment there is a trick or something to figure out he goes and grabs his mom. So he is playing the game and this wall comes up. The trick is to grab a power up and blast through. He doesn’t realize it so he runs at the wall for 5 minutes. He doesn’t try to figure it out at all. So he goes to grab his mom. This time I called BS and told him to come back and finish the game. He said he was done and I said no you need to figure this out because I’m tired of watching you quit. He starts to argue and I cut him off. Eventually he finishes the part. I’m not trying to make him think that video games are a chore but I’m also not trying to raise someone who half asses everything.
TLDR my stepson try’s to quit all the time so I made home finish a level. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 89,
"OTHER": 124,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 135,
"WRONG": 93
} | RIGHT |
vusexLLylRruXJTnSyW0GRrQsfJYMXk0 | arvc9a | {
"description": "not wanting to help my friend overcome depression",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if i don't want to help my friend overcome depression? | She and I have been classmates for around 3 years but never really started talking until last year. About three months ago I found out she had depression and I told her I would try my best to help her to overcome this tough time. Recently everyone that had been close to her left (I mean her family, all her best friends stopped talking to her) leaving me to try and help her alone.
To be completely honest, I too felt really tired and thought about stopping a month ago because no matter how much I talked to her, her condition never improved. But I didn't because I thought it would be really mean and I should at least try my best to see her be happy again, so I continued to stop her from trying to commit suicide etc.
I've advised her to go to the doctor regularly and she did a couple of times. I talk to her for hours into the late hours and researched on how to do so I don't trigger her again. Her condition has only become worse and worse and recently she told me that she has been trying to suicide every night. Every time she talks to me it makes me feel depressed too because everything she sends me something it's "I tried to kill myself again last night" or "I'll stab myself if it makes everyone happy".
I understand that her condition is very serious at the moment but I'm just feeling so so exhausted. This morning she sent me another message saying that she's gonna kill herself. I know I will feel very sad if she actually commits suicide but on the other hand I'm thinking of just ignoring all her messages so I can live my life again. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
j55aP4xCEUkHAZYFNxIsnVv1s0CWnupm | a740nq | {
"description": "asking smokers to smoke elsewhere",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA: If i asked smokers to smoke elsewhere? | WIBTA: Would I a 17 male be an asshole, if I asked smokers in a public place to smoke away from me. I just read about second hand smoke. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
XDBwL1E3vgVm6f3nhdHGB9fXujXeNzlm | b8sj39 | {
"description": "not really wanting my girlfriends family to come to our prom dinner",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not really wanting my girlfriends family to come to our prom dinner | So here’s the thing, her family can be a rowdy bunch, specifically her mom. I have witnessed her mom having absolutely no respect for employees elsewhere so I’m afraid that it will be the same at our dinner, and I don’t want anyone being rude to the staff as I work in food, and have dealt with customers like that, and it really isn’t pleasant. Her mom is a very nice person when you know her but I think she sometimes lacks empathy. So I told my girlfriend this and she got mad at me for bashing her mom and all that. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
K8zpfwbp1zSLoS4FdCHj2szdvWtVq3ZU | apg8n0 | {
"description": "dropping out of my plans to live with current flatmates next year before anything is properly organised",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I drop out of my plans to live with current flatmates next year before anything is properly organised? | I'm going in to my second year of uni soon and am in the process of sorting out housing. The plan all along has been to live with my current flatmates from the uni accommodation, but very recently a better offer has come up. I like my flatmates, but we're all very different people and are living together for convenience rather than any real bond and we have small arguments often, but this other potential house is with my close friends and is cheaper (money is a real issue for me). My current flatmates have already found a house (owned by one of their parents) to rent and are beginning to actualise securing it. WIBTA if I dropped out of the proceedings at this stage to go where I think I would be happier?
​
Nothing has been signed or properly organised yet, it's all been talks, although my current flatmates are planning on getting on to the securing of this property in the near future. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0qtb9S3i9HcQVA9ngiZnnqad2znvOcYn | at5h1k | {
"description": "having a girlfriend but having feelings about another girl",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA if I have a girlfriend but am having feelings about another girl? | I know this is one of the most common situations across the internet and I can pretty much gather the general consensus of how people feel towards this, I just need to hear it for my case.
My girlfriend and I have been together a couple of times in the past but have always broken up and gotten back together some time afterwards. This time we've been together just over a year and I thought things were going quite well. We recently took a short holiday together and haven't had any major issues.
The one thing that makes me question the relationship with her is that she is not typically interested in being intimate and is almost completely inexperienced with most things sexual. Basically meaning we don't have sex. It's disappointing and frustrating for me as I'm the opposite.
She's also quite shy and introverted, often forcing me to speak to staff for her at a restaurant for example. This also means she has no interest in going on nights out with me or friends which is probably our biggest personality clash.
I've recently made friends with a coworker I've known for a few months who is great company, she's funny, attractive and outgoing. We went out with some other people from work a few weeks ago where she got quite flirty. Since then we've talked more and I think I'm starting to develop feelings for this girl.
I'm at a crossroads and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. Please set me straight. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
yU08I4RJz3zQFZvgkxaMnHwx0D2mgM4Y | a24leg | {
"description": "not tipping carpet delivery people",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA: not tipping carpet delivery people | TL;DR
Bought carpet from friend. His one tenant is a carpet/floor installer. After 18 months, they delivered carpet, but people drove on my back yard, without permission ripping up grass.
Friend bought a new store and everything inside including a lot of carpet. I bought some of that leftover carpet. He rents out part of it to a carpet/flooring guy “Carl”.
He suggests asking the other guy Carl, who is a carpet person if he can deliver to me, without doing install. I ask Carl, who says yes. About $80 for delivery (I think it’s about 10 rural miles one way). I ask him when he can deliver, he says to let his assistant let him know. Long story short, 18 months later he finally is the one to reach out to me, this morning. “Can I deliver in 45 minutes & what’s your address”, I say yes.
About 90 minutes later call from his assistant “what’s your address”
My intent was to help Carl, move it from the driveway to the basement using external door. It’s about 65 feet from driveway to basement. And tip Carl 5 bucks for having to move it semi far (can’t just drop off in garage).
10 minutes later I hear a car in the driveway. It’s not Carl, but helper dude #1 & #2. I meet him outside. He asks where it’s going, I show him the basement. He says “is this the only way in” to which I say “the back is a bit flatter” (the grass is wet from rain& front is definitely more of a hill downward slope).
He says okay. I go inside to debate with the wife if I should give them a 5 to split, 5 singles, or 5 each. She says I should tip 5 each. As I go to grab another 5, I see they have just driven their van onto my backyard, right up against the basement door practically. (Reduces 65 feet distance to maybe 15)
I am livid. My backyard has been a mess, but I spent about 2k and 200+ hours of work this summer getting it to be absolutely beautiful. And they just fucking drove on it, obviously ripping up grass that will now need to be replanted/etc. all without asking.
So now I feel like, douchebag owner didn’t deliver carpet (no rush tbh) for 18 months, dodging calls throughout, asks me for address and gives me 45 minutes notice. Comes about 2 hours later. And his asshole employees ripped up grass without asking if they could drive on it. So, I know I wouldn’t tip a horrible waitress/for a horrible experience. So why should I tip these guys?
On the other hand, if I go to a restaurant, and food blows but service is okay, I would still tip.
Or am I just overthinking all this lol. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jfzzlhmx3O4WpIleBwo8Tm7uMyLfH0Mx | axv0wp | {
"description": "trying to gently suggest to my boyfriend to eat better and take care of himself",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for trying to gently suggest to my boyfriend to eat better and take care of himself? | My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 6 months, so it's a fairly fresh relationship, but I love and care for him a lot, which means I also worry about him. His diet is pretty bad, mostly pizza (almost every day) and beer, maybe some meaty sandwiches, and lots of snacks like hot Cheetos and various candies, but not much in the way of veggies or nutritious meals. He often complains about not feeling good (stomach aches, lethargic, etc), but he continues to eat pretty shittily despite not feeling well and it likely being tied to his diet.
Lately when we're out eating I try to gently suggest getting *slightly* (baby steps) healthier options, like the other night he was getting his usual pizza and I casually suggested he get a pizza with some veggies on it, but he got his usual carnivore slice, and I could tell I just made him anxious and feel bad (his mental health also isn't too good, another thing he doesn't want to get help with).
I don't want to stress him out, he's a grown man and he can eat how he pleases, I just know that it affects his health and I worry about him. AITA for suggesting he make small changes to his diet? Am I being insensitive? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5VEyRTon35KclwCa5gwJ6miPxW7FDwck | adj0xl | {
"description": "not consoling the girl who had a crush on me",
"pronormative_score": 72,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not consoling the girl who had a crush on me? | I work in an IT company and try to remain professional but obviously you make friends at work and usual banter and jokes are part of a work day.
A new girl started at the office and I helped her get on-boarded and answered all her questions. In the process I behaved in a friendly manner as I do with all the other colleagues. It's important to note that she was fresh out of college and there was quite a few years of age difference between us. The very first week she told me that she loves me. I told her that it's just infatuation and she doesn't really love me. Her first reaction was to start crying at the workplace. Anyways, I changed my behavior with her and kept the communication to a minimum and completely professional just to the point while trying not to be rude. This sent her into more crying episodes.
​
A few weeks later while on a team building hike, she thought it would be a good idea to profess her love to me again in public. I completely shut her down which sent her into a fit and she was unable to carry on. I volunteered to drop her back home and accompany her on the way back. During the ride back it was just me and her. She kept crying and screaming at me for how I was breaking her heart and rejecting her, all the while I just kept silent. Every time she would start crying or screaming I would increase the radio volume even higher without saying a word. At the end I just dropped her off at her place and never said anything more. I kept the relationship at work professional afterwards and never apologized for anything.
Was I an asshole for not consoling her?
P.S. She got over it and moved on to the next guy in a few weeks. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 72,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 72,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
0Yooa1yfHVk3ryv92SgjIQC6eKXcuL4T | aqrhso | {
"description": "telling the person I'm dating about his friend's behavior",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I tell the person I'm dating about his friend's behavior? | I've been dating someone exclusively for the past month, but one of his friends has been interested in me for a little while. I dated this friend briefly about 9 years ago, and before I met the guy I'm currently seeing we would send each other pretty flirty messages but never acted on it. Yes, the guy I'm dating knows.
When we decided to be exclusive, I was upfront with this guy to let him know that A) I'm not interested and B) I'm now seeing X exclusively.
Occasionally he will message me to see how I am, and because they are in the same friendship group I've always been very civil but straight to the point.
Last night, this guy sent me a valentine's day message and asked to exchange nudes?! I obviously didn't reply, but I find it really disrespectful of both his friend and me.
WIBTA if I let the person I'm dating know about it and potentially ruin their friendship? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jjoLZWQXRH9NxwJ0mV8r1l9hdybEBIBw | 9u8hws | {
"description": "being jealous",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being jealous? | Me and my girlfriend went to a friend's place for a Halloween party and it was a huge party at that. Lots of people (mostly guys), a DJ, smoke machine, and all that jazz. I was turning up with my friends but she wanted to drink by herself and meet new people in the living room, which was more quieter. Anyway, to cut the story short, I look around for her but I see she isn't in the living room anymore. So I checked the bathroom, nope not there. I went to the backyard to check for her. She wasn't there either. I start to worry a bit. She did seem drunk to me and tbh, the sheer number of drunk guys made me think of the worst. I found one of our mutual friends and ask her if he saw her and he said she saw her going upstairs. It was a all-guys house so upstairs was where there rooms are. I walked into one and saw her sitting on the bed with this guy because she wanted to pet his dog. I don't know the guy personally that well but he seems like a nice person.
I told her in front of him that hey I got worried about you and personally, I don't like this. The guy kinda goes up and says hey man i dont wanna be involved in this and etc. I said he's fine and that I'm not mad at him. Me and my gf come downstairs and she is angry at me for behaving badly with the guy. I really didn't know what I did except that I was worried and yes, a bit jealous. The guy comes down and she makes me say sorry to him. I was like I didn't say anything mean to him and she insisted so I apologized to him.
That's pretty much the gist of it. Nothing too crazy but I still can't shake off the feeling that I was in fact not in the wrong, even though my gf keeps insisting that I was.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fLi2RWi2RL4KfI4U0CWZXOq56GtMCW13 | aq1hrz | {
"description": "going visit my gf instead of going to a friend's bday party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I go visit my gf instead of going to a friend’s bday party? | On mobile so sorry for formatting. I’m in a long distance relationship (300 miles) and I haven’t seen my gf since December. My friend’s birthday is on the 22nd and my gf’s inviting me over from the 21st through the 24th. Idk when I’m going to be able to see her again. But then again, it’s my friend’s bday. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qmfE0OXH3ExBpwY0gECCg482rsygRb3D | a9gaxu | {
"description": "sleeping with someone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for sleeping with someone | December 8th Girlfriend told me it wasn’t working in the morning. I feel like hmmm maybe she’s just upset, then later calls me telling me she can’t be with me while I’m out with my mates.
With a belly full of beer I think, “fuck it I’m sick of this.” I meet an okay looking hood rat at the bar. I go back to hers and sleep with her. Immediately after starting I think “oh fuck what have I done”... I don’t finish and I leave hers crying like a woman.
Wash body with my eyes closed.
The next day the girlfriend asks me to talk to her. We sort stuff out, she try’s to have “make up sex” (her words not mine) but I decline because I want to wash my body 1000 times before engaging in anything with her.
I told her and she called me a cheat... I though cheating was something that happened during a relationship not during a break up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
wPWlDJ7oqGcAlVzpO8XrR42YAc0tzTCM | a0coel | {
"description": "hating this old man",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for hating this old man? | where i work, on the long side of the property facing the road, there's a berm with trees and gardens on it, and in the middle of the berm a small walking path is cut in and lined with brick leading to the smoking area for the office. every week on sunday this old man, who must be 80+ years old, rides his bike down the sidewalk and then veers into the walking path, crashing his bike into the brick wall every time. as he rides that bike he wobbles like mad, every slow turn of the wheels looking like a near fall, steering serpentine, going slower than a leisurely walking pace. after his weekly crash into the wall he wobbles his way over to the ash tray and dismounts his bike, but continues to wobble his way closer to the [ash tray](https://imgur.com/a/lOndsQC) which no one on earth has ever used the lock on, and opens it. he catches the butts that fall out with his free hand, and now begins the sorting. i don't know his exact criteria, but he begins to pick through the butts, examining each soggy, filthy one, and placing the "best(?)" ones in a ziplock baggy already partway filled with his musty treasures. those he rejects go straight on the ground, and then he moves on to phase 2, sorting through any butts still left in the bin. he keeps at it until he's satisfied he has all the good ones, then closes the ash tray, mounts his bike, and wobbles off toward the neighboring office building.
in all the times i've seen him, he's never spoken to or acknowledged anyone who works here as he lurches toward his goal, and everyone here (including building security)just ignores him. and *i can't fucking deal with it* it's disgusting, and pathetic, and every time i seem him snuffling through that stinking metal box of wet disgusting cigarette butts it makes my stomach heave. i just want to tell him how gross and pathetic what he's doing is, and yell to go be disgusting somewhere else. i feel like i'm probably an asshole for feeling like this, but i can't help it, it's so gross!
the weirdest part is he's never even tried bumming a cigarette off any of the employees standing around obviously smoking. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2sHCrnvjggg7PBKWliK8mzYbBUE8wy0H | a5dw9f | {
"description": "asking my parents to pay me $1000/mo",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I ask my parents to pay me $1000/mo | Sorry if this is long, there are a lot of moving parts here.
​
Backstory: My husband and I bought our first house in 2010 when the market was super low. It was an older home built in 1977, 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms, needed a LOT of updating (think wallpaper everywhere, peel and stick tile, etc.), but it was super cheap and affordable for us at the time when we were young and just starting our careers. Since then we have done very well in our careers and we make significantly more money than we did when we bought it. We have also done a lot of upgrades to it and it is actually a pretty cute house and would sell quickly in our current market. In July 2017, we bought a house a little closer to work, and because it was also very affordable and within our means with our salaries, we qualified for a mortgage on our new home without having to sell the first house. (Also because the first house was so cheap.)
​
At the same time that we bought the new house, my parents were starting the process of building a new house. In order for them to finalize the contract for their new house, they had to sell their old one. So they sold it in October 2017 and moved into our old house, and we rented it to them for 1150/mo (650 mortgage + 500 incidentals/profit/whatever). 1150 for a 3/2 with a 1 car garage in my neighborhood and with her two dogs is an absolute steal. A house across the street that is much smaller and has less features is 1380/mo. Additionally, by delaying selling the house, we have been paying PMI for our new house, and also paying interest on credit cards that we were planning to pay off, so really, 500/mo is not exactly making us rich. In reality, my husband and I have figured out that we are probably losing money by having them there, because since they've been there the AC has gone out, the oven stopped working, sinks have leaked, etc. and the repairs have been expensive and we wouldn't have had to do them if we had sold the home in August/September 2017 as we were planning to do.
​
Fast forward to this year, they thought their new house would be built by now, but with problems with construction their builder has pushed it back and it doesn't look like the house will be built before March/April 2019. Now, opportunities have come up for my husband and I to move out of state for our jobs, and these opportunities would be incredible for our family, but this is where I might lose some of you.
​
Because my husband's job is requiring he start in January, but my position won't even be available until February or March, we've discussed it with my parents and my husband will move first and rent a studio apartment, and my parents will move into our new house to help me with our toddler while my husband is gone, and then we will sell the first house because it's currently got about $90k equity in it. Everyone seems to agree that this is the simplest, most straightforward solution to this very temporary problem.
​
Today, I was talking to my mom about the logistics of it, and I asked if they would still be paying the 1150/mo while the house is on the market until it sells (because we are now going to be supporting \*three\* homes with utilities, rent/mortgage, etc.), and she acted like I was crazy for asking that question. "Why would I do that? I mean, I guess I can pay the mortgage but I'm not paying the whole thing. That's ridiculous!" so I told her (maybe kind of rudely but idk) that we would have to pay for additional utilities for the house, she and my step-dad would be taking over my master bedroom (I'll move into the guest room since there's two of them), and that my husband would be paying for utilities, rent, etc. in the new state. She did realize what I was saying and agreed to pay that, but the problem is this:
​
My husband and I had discussed offering to them a deal: if they paid us $1000/mo while they are living with me in the 2nd house, we would not sell it until their house was built in the event it takes longer than March 2019, and I would move into my husband's apartment until I can sell the 2nd house. This way, they won't have to find a place to live for a month or whatever in the event my position opens up in the new state before their house is built. I thought that was reasonable before, but now with her reaction for the first house, I'm really not sure. Would I be the asshole??
​
I don't really want to cause problems with my parents but at the same time, while we are doing well financially, we definitely can't afford to support three households. And I still don't know how we will support two in two states. Also, we would be doing a heck of a lot better if we hadn't rented the house out for the last year, but I don't regret giving them a place to live in the meantime, and I know it's not their fault that the construction has taken so long.
​
I'm conflicted.
​
If you read all of that... I'm impressed.
​
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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5TULHMFZQpjkGKjNHdGLKkK39myqpMdn | b9zatu | {
"description": "telling my friend a Guy tweeted about their \"relationship\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Telling My Friend a Guy Tweeted About their “Relationship”? | To summarize this so it’s not a 3 year grad program, I have (had?) two friends, Andreas and Mel who I thought were very similar personalities so I introduced them to be friends. Not even a week later Andreas tells me he is probably in love with Mel. Mel has a much more reserved personality, to the point that I’m uncomfortable posting this but I’m not using her actual name so I should be ok. This was caused by an incident in high school that was extremely traumatic.
Andreas and Mel’s “friendship” (Andreas says it was more, Mel said it wasn’t) fell apart when Andreas told Mel his true feelings a few months later and she rejected him. This began the social media parade of him moping and begging for her attention (without using her name) which we all explained to him that it’s emotionally manipulative to post that knowing she would see it. Well she did, and she cut him off. He would continue emotionally posting on social media without using her name until this month.
So this month, he started posting on twitter again about my friend (saying that they were going to hang out in person and he was going to tell her how he felt because he knew it we different this time) using her nickname so I wasn’t going to say anything, until I realized he had posted tweet after tweet detailing the times the hung out (place, time, actions, inactions, like a episode of a teen drama) and with her and my real names. Andreas’ Twitter is completely public and multiple coworkers know and follow him including myself. Mel also knows about his Twitter, but does not have an account and was not monitoring it since she had cut him off.
So after asking Mel and I’s mutual friend, I told Mel, who told me not to say anything to him because he was “in pain” and I didn’t. The next morning I wake up to an angry text from Andreas saying “Hey, it would be great that what I post on my social media you don’t go around telling people.. “ which I didn’t respond to. But then when I come into work, coworkers are telling me he’s going around telling everyone I ruined things between him and Mel because he was going to tell her how he felt in person.
I’m considering if I’m an asshole for introducing them in the first place to expose Mel to this nonsense. Andreas seemed like a normal person, but his almost obsessive nature over Mel is just not ok. I know Andreas thinks I’m an asshole for telling her, but he must have known that this would be a huge deal to Mel (but he didn’t know she knew his Twitter (and exposed me to it before he even mentioned it) already).
So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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grSZP3y0u2pyy9RlCAXeC6wPFNXOOCD6 | b22gpa | {
"description": "being pissed at my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being pissed at my parents (more or less my father) | So, for awhile now I have felt like my parents been treating my 2 youngest brother as a favorite.
Me and him have the same personality so I really don't like him (sibling stuff, I guess), but he gets away with talking back to my parents without consequences. I told my father my opinion about step parents and when he started getting mad I said, "okay, you're right." I guess I had an attitude because my father then slapped me and said how I don't get to have an opinion in his house.
If it were my brother my dad just wouldn't respond to him. My brother also gets away with snarky responses because he have a joking tone although he means it (if that makes sense).
The situation that happened recently is that, I am not doing too well in school grade wise (an F) and my brother hasn't either (2 Fs). He recently asked to go out with friends and he they sure. Parents let him go after asking who he is going with. wanting to prove that they play favorites (I told my mom about it and she said no, there is no favorites, they just want my brother to get out of the house since he usually just plays games) asked if I can go hang out with my friend(didn't really want to since they were out of town)
They said no I need to study. I brought up my brothers grades and my father said, "yeah, well he doesn't ask for everything."
Issue is, I buy my own stuff. I have a job. Im 17 and 2 months until im 18. The only thing I ask is to go hang out with my friends, but I do that too much according to my father.
I do all my chores and homework and I still get shit. When my dad does let me go out, he tears in into me, "you haven't even done your god damn chores." When I get home from work.
My brother is 15.
My dad had this weird thing where he yells at me then tries to kiss ass afterwards...
Today he came in my room (day after they scolded me for asking to hang out) and said I could hang out with my friend, he just didn't want me grades to drop. This irked me more because my brother literally doesn't do his stuff but he was off the hook. Today my brother went out with his friends again.
If it changes your guys choice, I also am a female and i grew up with 3 other brothers.
AITA for being pissed at my parents and considering cuttimg off my father when I move out? | HISTORICAL | {
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9KowpwnQ49Te7xOZJNidCjy6lfQtnWho | 9u860k | {
"description": "threatening to leave my bf because he lied to me about walking another girl home",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for threatening to leave my bf because he lied to me about walking another girl home? | So for about a year my bf (18) would walk this other girl home after school. We are in high school. Well I still am. He's a year older and graduated last year. Anyways, I found out that after school he'd take a long route home to take this other girl home first. It started when they went to the store together to purchase food for a potluck, and then my bf walked her home, and continued to do so everyday for about a year.
Now, this itself is not something I am upset about as I had previously trusted him entirely. But one day I asked where he was during his walk to the other girl's home (I needed to know how much time I had to prepare for a surprise for him when he got home), he said he was by himself and taking a long detour home and that he doesn't know when he'd be back.
This is what upsets me. He lied to me. I guess he didn't know that I already knew he was walking this girl home (she happens to be my friend at this time). He also mentioned he was " alone by himself" which confused me at first because I had not even asked about who he was with. All I wanted to know was where he was. This is obviously a lie because I see him and the girl walk home everyday, and idk if he's just stupid for assuming I didn't know, but the fact that he lied made me very angry and upset.
Not only did this lie make me mad, now I started doubting his love and faithfulness. For what reason would he have to lie to me about walking another girl home? I had come to the conclusion that he was cheating on me, but I wasn't sure if it was only emotionally or physically as well. I confronted him about this and he apologized saying he doesn't have feelings, never touched her and never did anything unfaithful. I asked him why he lied and he said "I don't know."
I now threaten to dump him because "I don't know" is probably the worst answer or excuse for something that I have ever heard. He begs me to stay and says he doesn't want to lose me, and I love this idiot so I end up staying.
After this, however, I doubt a lot of things he says. I don't trust him anywhere near as much as I used to, and this upsets him. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and I shouldn't be so upset over something that happened in the past, and that my lack of trust is hurting him because he's trying to fix things and make up for it.
So now I wanna know other people's opinions. AITA for wanting to leave him and not trusting him after this? I have no prior experience with relationships and idk if I actually am being a dramatic and unreasonable jerk.
TL;DR: My bf lied to me about walking another girl home and I threatened to leave him but I ended up staying and now he's hurt that I no longer trust him. | HISTORICAL | {
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DDbnvH2G9pESb17hEPdxdZWwM3PRrkG9 | 9yopmb | {
"description": "wanting to quit a job where I'm treated like shit and leave crying most days",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to quit a job where I'm treated like shit and leave crying most days? | Thanks for your opinion, this is my first post to any sub in Redit.
I clean house and do other small jobs for a lady I'll call Jill. Jill is the type person who is very set in her ways and believes her way of doing things is not only the best way but also the most common sense way. I don't have a problem doing a job for someone the way they want it done however Jill can always find very fine, minuscule details to complain about. The problem with this is Jill has a very sharp tongue and a harsh way of talking. She makes me feel like a slave, an idiot and incapable of doing anything right.
The thing is it's not really that I've done anything wrong. Maybe I did what she considered to be step 2 first or maybe I did something the way I've always done it which should be fine as long as it gets done but no, according to her I should have folded to the left instead of the right, etc.
I should mention I have a problem with depression and anxiety. Even on a good day for me by the time I leave her house I'm in tears, upset, defeated and just a mess. I'm a 56 year old widow, I have a very hard time dealing with the loss of my husband still. I have an adult autistic son who lives with me. I also have a daughter who is divorced and has 10 year old twin boys that I help with. I have a lot on my plate.
Now here's my dilemma; Jill is as I have outlined but she is also someone who believes in God and believes in being blessed by blessing others and helping people out. Jill has helped me out with some financial problems over the past two and a half years. In total she has paid off $2,100.00 in debt on my behalf which helped me out greatly. She has also done some other small things for me. She does not want or expect me to pay her back, it was not a loan. She felt led to help me and knows that she will be blessed for doing so.
So, AITA for wanting to quit working for her because I feel it would help my mental and emotional health?
One last note, Jill has a very hard time finding people to work for her. I know this to be a fact as I've known a couple of people who have worked for her in the past but left because they would not or could not put up with being treated this way by Jill. I've come to believe now that Jill may do things for me to try and keep me there, hoping I won't quit if she does these things.
Thank you for reading this and for your opinions.
| HISTORICAL | {
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8lwHoweqOn8VZskgvoG7E5Fc2e4wJ9CZ | b0fdem | {
"description": "not giving over my seat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving over my seat? | I’ve been in a partner group with A and U for a bit. I’m friendly with U.
A, on the other hand, hates me.
The tables that we sit at are set up for only 2 people but we were the only group (to my knowledge) to have 3 so one of us had to sit at the end of the table.
This was uncomfortable. Also the classes are 90 minutes long.
I would usually sit at the end of the table. But sometimes I didn’t want to, and A would ask me to and I would move. One time I didn’t want to move and U didn’t want me to move either, so A caved and let me.
However this time A desperately wanted me to sit at the end of the table. I did not want to. I had gotten there before A (the class before this one was on the first floor and this was on the third floor, so if A wanted to get there before me they easily could have). U wanted to sit next to me.
It should be noted that while we did have assigned seats, it was not clear how we should seat 3 people at a 2-person table and the seating in this class was very fluid. People would change their seats all the time and as long as they were at the same partner groups, nobody cared.
A walked up to me during class and demanded that I move.
U told me not to. A started getting extremely pissed. Started yelling at me almost immediately and aggressively.
I hated conflict against my classmates and I was always nice to everyone, including A. But I was about done. I wasn’t rude to A at all during this, by the way.
Anyway, A yelling at me was getting a lot of attention in the relatively small and quiet classroom. My classmates were on A’s side, telling me to “just move” even though it was obviously A who was making a big deal out of it. The sub also came over and asked A what it this was all about. A told her that I was sitting in her seat and that I wasn’t a part of the group. However, most people knew that I was and the original teacher had a seating chart proving it. The sub didn’t think to look at the chart at the time.
The sub, who was not taking sides and didn’t really know what to do, said that we could argue this out in the principal’s office. A said okay to threaten me but I knew A was bluffing so I also said okay. But I knew if I got out A would steal my seat, so I waited for A to go first. I was kind of nervous because I’m currently relying on the fact that the principal likes me because the principal helps me out when teachers are unfair to me. Also I didn’t know if I was in the right or not.
The sub said we had 5 seconds to resolve this. U said I should just sit at the end of the table. Because now 2/3 of the people at the table wanted me to sit at the end, I did.
Nobody brought it up for the rest of the day.
This is why I think I might have been an asshole:
-I did technically take A’s seat even though the seating is fluid and I was there first
-I didn’t back down even when I knew it wasn’t worth fighting over
-Everyone thinks I was an asshole
So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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N5v3AvAWTggxJ2SlT4dqsadodQyA84rI | asq5vi | {
"description": "not wanting be my friend's partner on assignments",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting be my friend's partner on assignments? | Title makes it look I'm obviously the asshole, but hear me out.
Me and my friend have programming classes in school. Last year we had Introduction to Programming, which sets the basis we need for this year (now we have Object Oriented Programming). He did not payed any atention to last year's classes. Almost flunk. By the end of the year, I spent several hours studying with him. I stressed out a lot while helping him because he had no basis, since he just ignored the classes, activities and the teacher, didn't understood most of the programming logic, so I had to practically teach him everything. He didn't flunked, but bearly.
The thing is, he keeps asking me to team up with him, and I just don't trust him anymore. He's full of promisses about studying hard this time, etc. He does try, and it's not as relaxed as before.
Adding up, the times we did teamed up, he would occasionally mess things up and I would have to do most of the work. I do thing he is changing, but I do not want to stress out anymore. I would still help him if he asked, study after school, etc. But I just don't want to be his partner on any assignments.
By the way, if I did accepted to do the assignment with him, it would be only for our friendship, since there's 0 advantage for me in being his partner.
So, AITA for not wanting to be his partner?
PS: We're both brazillian and go to a brazillian school in Brazil, to make it clear. English's not my first language and I don't have any contact with English-speakers so some words may not make sense because they're not commum use or something. Sorry for that. | HISTORICAL | {
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RZD6wIyNp3ThgxuRUOxr7KVFRY2FPvy1 | axopml | null | AITA - Live In SO Contributing $0 to Household Expenses | Hi All,
After dating for about a year my boyfriend moved in with me last November.
He had just sold his house as dictated by his divorce settlement and I suppose it made sense for him to move in with me. He has to pay astronomical (imo) spousal and child support for ever and ever, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
He makes approximately 4 times the salary that I make - so it’s a lot.
During the dating phase he occasionally offered to pay or contribute to various things but never actually did.
Since moving in together he has yet to contribute to the household expenses.
During the chats about finances he’s indicated that he’s happy to split expenses with me 50/50 and I should just let him know how much, which I’ve done. But, he has yet to actually split anything with me.
About one month ago, I bought the house I had been renting. He didn’t volunteer to contribute to the down payment, mortgage or expenses associated with the purchase. He hasn’t contributed to the furniture, any repairs, minor renovations or odds and ends that go with setting up a new house.
Truth be told, I’m getting pissed about him not pitching in. And I’m a bit surprised how much it’s bothering me, I’m not particularly hung up about money - or I didn’t think I was.
I haven’t escalated the discussion because I want to be respectful of his having just gone through the experience of having lost so much during his divorce. I suspect he’s feeling a bit violated (not saying it isn’t fair, just that it’s a big hit) by his ex and doesn’t want me hassling him about $.
Am I the asshole for getting irritated?
Are my expectations out of line?
Would I be the asshole for pushing this subject with him?
I should mention that he’s quite lovely and generous otherwise. | HISTORICAL | {
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4F3CItF4EKEsT2dN3LcVljWaW4pUfX8N | absbfe | {
"description": "getting upset at my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset at my girlfriend? | Over the last weekend, I had some time off and so did my GF. I asked her if she wanted to spend the weekend together, and she agreed. So on Saturday I was going to pick her up, but she decided to go out with her friends to a party, I was flat broke and didn't feel like being social, so she told me that she would come back when she was done having drinks. Around 3AM I messaged her to see what was going on only to be ignored. I checked her snap story and seen her partying with a bunch of dudes totally drunk. I called her about 9AM to see what was going on only to be berated about how I'm such a prick for calling her so early. We made up and now New Year's eve comes and shes going out again without me because she has friends that would judge her for dating me. So she says she'll come over after new years. I didn't hear a word from her all night. I stayed in waiting for her to call for a ride, which never happened. I tried talking to her tonight and explaining why I felt upset that she ditched me completely on new years. She kept telling me that I'm the asshole for being upset. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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l8GI12Wcyn14t2e2qqvKjkyFhbgBTcxT | b7caqu | {
"description": "'betraying' my fiancé",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for ‘betraying’ my fiancé? | Apologies if weed is a controversial topic. Throwaway account.
Before me and my fiancé met, I was an intense stoner. Like smoke weed every day kind of stoner. 100% positive that I was psychologically dependent on it. When I met my fiancé, he told me he didn’t smoke weed, haven’t since high school, didn’t like it and didn’t want it in his life. Eventually it came to the question, well do you want to stay with me even though I smoke weed? And his answer was I don’t know. I decided to try to quit and it worked out for quite a while. Soon it became this “promise” between us. Like I quit weed for our relationship.
When I found out my mom smoked weed it sucked because it would have been cool to have smoked weed with her before I quit if I had known. She wished we had too and asked me to share a joint with her for “one and one time only” and I caved and shared one with her. Because it was my mom and I wanted the experience. Strike one. My fiancé was pissed and felt betrayed.
After some time passed (maybe a year) it was around Christmas when a lot of people in my circle were around and visiting. There was weed around and my fiancé made the decision that he wouldn’t be mad at me if I wanted to smoke every now and then, pretty much giving his consent ever since the situation with my mom and some conversations we had over the time span. I said alright and left it at that. I did end up smoking after that, but it still caused some turmoil regardless of him saying it would be okay, so after one argument I said he should never have said that and that I would just try to stop again. He said whatever.
Fast forward to this year. My sister started smoking so whenever I come home, it’s here and everywhere. Intense triggers. In the beginning I was good. Could be around it and not do anything. But as time passed, the peer pressure got stronger and cravings too.
Now last night, I messed up. My mom was taking a bong hit and she couldn’t clear it so she handed to me in a ‘panic’ and without thinking I cleared it. I didn’t get ‘stoned’ but I felt instantly guilty. This morning, we were talking on the phone and my fiancé asked if I got high (a recurring habit when I’m visiting family without him) and I told him what happened. He hung up on me, and texted me to tell me he doesn’t trust me anymore. I finally admitted that I think I still kind of have the psychological craving/addiction and that I fucked up. And he said whatever, I don’t care what you say or believe what you say anymore.
I asked if it was okay to come home or if he wants space. His response was “Do what you want. It’s not like you care about what I want anyways” and hasn’t responded to my last text.
AITA for smoking weed or is this an over the top reaction?
TLDR; fiancé hates weed, so I quit, trip up and smoke, he gives me the go ahead, then gets mad when I do it, I say I’ll try to stop again, time goes by and then I smoked weed and now he no longer trusts me and doesn’t want to talk. | HISTORICAL | {
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Qgs3AVJfQnGieESrxXVEah3xYssefPFk | ay062s | {
"description": "buying my dream guitar? my fiance is threatening to leave me over it",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 368
} | AITA for buying my dream guitar? My fiance is threatening to leave me over it. | I've been playing guitar since I was about 8 years old (I'm 22 now). It's always been my dream to own a pre 1960s Gibson Les Paul.
I just happened to be googling around and found one litterlly exactly like I wanted. It's an Ebony finish with gold with 3 pickups and gold hardware. It was literally too good to pass up, I mean once in a lifetime, will never find again, had to buy it or never have the chance again opportunity. I tried to get financing from the dealer but it just wasn't happening so I took a credit card that had a 10,000 limit that I'd had since college and bought it. It came one day shipping and it is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It looks and plays like a dream.
My fiance is furious that I didn't consult with her, in my take our money is our money and she shouldn't panic. Her take is that I put our financial future at risk for something silly. I'm trying to tell her its not even a risk since these guitars ALWAYS go up in value and it's been my dream. She refuses to see this and to prove it to her the music store I bought it from is willing to buy it back from me, but she's mad now that I won't just sell it back so I shouldn't have said that because I'm never getting rid of this guitar. She is also mad about putting it on a credit card but to me that's exactly what credit cards are for...to buy once in a lifetime things that we can't afford on the spot. She says that's not true at all so I guess we just have to disagree over this because that will never be how I see it.
This isn't a relationship advice post because I'm not selling or getting rid of the guitar. But I want to know I really was an asshole for buying it in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
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Yvnu5Pd3ayPTP8BdpParZjQxGTz2uBI6 | azy8r4 | {
"description": "not paying my parents back for a crashed car",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not paying my parents back for a crashed car? | My parents are very religious baptists and hold a lot of traditional values. While I am not, we're still on decent terms. I moved out after college in the past year with my gf, which they arent thrilled about to say the least. They also dont approve of me drinking (I never get drunk, just a beer with dinner/on a night out).
When I lived with them, they would regularly threaten to take me off their car insurance. It happened multiple times a week, whenever I had a beer or stayed out late with my girlfriend. After years of it (and landing a good job) I moved out and got off all their insurance their policies and got my own. They have every right to not insure me if they dont want to, so I figured I'd just be financially independent. Note that while I am on my own insurance now, it was still a car they gave me (04 Honda Civic).
Last week, I spun out on some ice. I was driving safely but got unlucky, ended up hitting a light pole and the vehicle isnt drivable. I am safe and have the savings to buy a replacement. Sadly, because I'm an idiot and young, I did not have collision insurance on the car. I will have to scrap it. Upon hearing this, my parents are demanding the 4k they bought the car for.
I really dont want to pay them for it. In my mind, the car was a gift and they never expected repayment for it. It was never mentioned for the three years I had the car. They even transferred the title to my name and I've been paying for all repairs and maintenance on it for years. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
iZhSw3GTj87OJhaG2B2NqKzctz3MtTmt | am64h9 | {
"description": "asking to be paid early even though it technically costs money for my employer to employ me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for asking to be paid early even though it technically costs money for my employer to employ me? | So I have a very unconventional employment situation. I am the partner of a live-in nanny. We both moved across the country with the family she Nannys for. They asked her to move with them without me and she refused because that would have been the end of our relationship and would have screwed me over on the lease we had just signed.
The initial agreement was that we would live with then for two months then move out. But we have lived with them for 4 months now. They never discussed increasing my partners wage due to higher cost of living and refuse to. They also have hired me on at a higher hourly rate to help with maintenance around the house and filling in to watch the kids.
Even though they pay me more than my partner, I only ever work ~4 hours a week (they make sure.) Well today is payday and I asked to be paid about 12 hours earlier than usual because I have a bill due before my normal pay time and wanted to make sure the money would be in my account. They are refusing to pay me until tomorrow night when I help them host a party (not something I ever agreed to do or even discussed with them) which will mean my bill is paid late and will probably incur penalties.
My partner isn't in a position to help because she gets paid half of what I do and uses most of that money to feed us.
So even though I live in my employers house for free, am I the asshole for wanting to get paid early on my own terms? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
UgQ4xtBPx07IEqrt9RptrrFFAlpDswcD | 9z6307 | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend over something she did when we were broken up",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 34
} | WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend over something she did when we were broken up? | I have been dating my current girlfriend around 7 months now. She is someone I have known for long before we started dating and do think highly of. She tells me that she loves me and sees me as someone she would like to marry in the future. I do love her back and want the absolute best for her as well, but I cannot seem to shake what she did while we were broken up.
Around the month 4 mark, we broke up for several weeks because I told her that I did not think she was putting the necessary effort into our relationship (something that was a problem from day 1 in my view). This was during a difficult and stressful time in her life (death of a close family member), and she and I struggled to communicate exactly what we were feeling and why I broke up with her as a result. While we were still broken up, she wrote me a love letter telling me exactly how she felt, why she wanted me back in her life, and what she would do to change what had happened in causing us to break up. After reading how she really felt, I told her I was ready to give our relationship a second chance, but she said that she wanted time to fully digest and understand exactly what she had written and my reasons for breaking up with her. I agreed to leave her alone and give her time. The next night, she went to a party, blacked out, and had sex with someone else who she said was a previously good friend that she has now broken contact with.
We talked the next day, and she told me what happened and that she wanted to get back together with me. I was extremely hurt by this, but I took her back as a my girlfriend a few days later because she explained her emotional hurt of me breaking up with her and alcohol at the time getting the better of her. She and I are in an \~short\~ LDR, and I have expressed to her multiple times how much this hurt me and how I do not fully trust her because of what happened. Recently, my trust has recovered to a degree. We hang out as often as possible, and I enjoy our time together, but I still do not see my girlfriend in the way I did before. I always have this niggling reminder of what she did, and I do not consider her as someone I would want to marry because of what happened. I have two questions: WIBTA if I stayed with my girlfriend because I enjoy her friendship, sex, other relationship things, etc..., but I no longer see her as someone I would want to marry? and... WIBTA if I broke up with her assuming I explain my full reasoning to her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 34,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 34
} | WRONG |
uVZzJkFwHhIC2egksvAbftCry2FJBFDP | ahj39m | null | AITA That Caused Me To Get Uninvited? | (On Mobile, Sorry)
So to set the background. My best friend that I’ve known for years we grew up next door neighbors in an apartment building. He dates a girl that I’m very fond of and really cool with, we will name her L.
L invited me to a birthday party go to dinner then hit a few bars no problem! However L puts me in a group-chat with her Co-Workers and my best friend. In the group chat a guy in the chat said he needed an excuse to call out.
Me being the person I am I gave him random but useful call out excuses to use. Which he then replied: “I don’t have you number saved so who is this”
I saw comical moment and replied “I’m L’s boyfriends ex”
To him replying: “Yo you’re really weird what’s your name”
I reply saying “I’m just playing man I’m best friends with L’s boyfriend sorry”
To which he replied “Don’t give a sh!t, have a goodnight pa”
I replied: “Likewise I’ll see you Friday”
He replied “Yeah you come see me I’ll wait”
To which is obviously coming off beyond aggressive so I don’t reply for the night, I’ll call it a night.
The next day I start to feel bad and didn’t want the group chat to be awkward so I texted, “I’m thinking of buying a bottle of liquor do you guys have any suggestions?”
*No Reply*
The afternoon about 5 hours before we plan on meeting up I get a text message from L saying this.
“Hey, so some of my coworkers were a little uncomfortable with what you texted and I don’t want anyone feeling weird tonight so we can all hangout another time.”
AITA that deserved to get uninvited?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
G9npnt9fXpCiAIz0z4nZaOWqjIaqMRsU | as96eg | {
"description": "not going to an old classmate's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for not going to an old classmate’s funeral? | This kid committed suicide a few days ago. He was a nice kid, but I didn’t know him all that well and wasn’t extremely close to him. I’m now being bombarded with “friends” who haven’t spoken to me in months telling me about the plans of the funeral. However, there are few reasons why I don’t want to go.
1. The location is an hour or two away and I have no form of transport to get there
2. I’m currently working 5 days a week and don’t really have the funds to skip a day of work. I also do therapy twice a week, so I’m pretty much stuck.
3. I wasn’t close to the classmate. Sure, we had small talk every now and then, but, I don’t think I was that good of a friend to be a part of funeral.
I’ve already sent his family a grievance card and flowers. I’m just so busy and strained that I don’t want to go. What do you guys think? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MwrIznKX4yB7Qd6UvP3aQGEoUqpR5HsU | 9wq2oy | {
"description": "playing a gross, but harmless prank on a kid",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for playing a gross, but harmless prank on a kid | OK, this happened a few months ago, but my wife still brings it up as an example of how much of an asshole I am. Personally I disagree but that's for y'all to decide.
It was the middle of summer, and my Mother-in-law was in town to visit. On an outing, the three of us went to a local aquarium/museum/botanical garden place for the day. This was on a Sunday, and being a family fun kind of place it was pretty busy. One of the attractions at this place is a giant glass greenhouse pyramid, with a cultivated rainforest ecosystem inside. You can walk a trail through the forest, see tropical birds and monkeys, rare plants, and stuff. There are also some interactive educational exhibits dotted along the way.
One of said exhibits featured a rare jungle flower, that is supposed to produce a very characteristic (foul) odor. The sign had a button you could press to release a puff of scent. I pressed it but didn't smell anything. seemed to be broken. As we turned to continue down the trail, I heard the excited piping of small kids behind me. There were 2 boys, about 7 and 9yo. Their mother was with them (mid 30s white lady) absorbed in her phone.
The smaller one bounced up to the button and pressed it excitedly, and after a moment said "I don't smell anything." In a true moment of (what I consider genius), I told him "Its not a very strong smell, press it again and sniff real hard". His nostrils flared as he smashed the button and put his face out in full sniffing position. And I let out a surprisingly loud, squeaky fart like 10 inches from this kid's head.
The older one spit soda all over the plant. I thought he was going to wet himself laughing. The younger one took a second to realize what had happened, sees my smug face, and then he too was on the floor, shirt over his nose dramatically. He was hamming it up real big. But he too gets up laughing, pretending his face is melting off. my gas is generally pretty mild, so he is reacting more to the concept of a fart than the actual smell. Then I look up at the mom and see is [this face](https://m.imgur.com/gallery/1pn87G7), framed by the can-i-speak-to-a-manager haircut, blond highlights quivering with atomic rage in the humid, still air.
"Oh. My. GOD!" she moved toward me with her purse cocked back to swing. "What the hell is your problem?" but by then it was too late. My work there was finished. I scurried down the trail to catch up with wife and MIL. she looked back and saw the mom shouting and my self-satisfied grin. I told her what happened. "... the fuck is wrong with you? I would have killed you, dumbass." she said. then went on a tirade about how i cant be taken anywhere in public blah blah. MIL didnt say anything, she just chuckled.
I thought it was comedy gold, the kids thought it was hilarious and now they have a story to tell. the circumstances were too good to pass up. I'd probably do it again given the chance. Wife is convinced I'm a psychopath for "assaulting" these children. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
aOVxruQhMhl8Rfm4KZlwbbrAgYhXt2Lo | 9yzjlk | {
"description": "wanting to keep my son in the same school system when my SO wants to move closer to family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to keep my son in the same school system when my SO wants to move closer to family? | Throwaway. I really hate putting my personal business on the internet, but I'm really conflicted here.
Sorry for the length - I just want to make sure I'm painting the full picture.
Background
I have primary custody of my son from a previous marriage, and he must to go to school in whatever school district I live in. The separation/divorce was in 2011/2012 (he was 5) and was particularly hard on him. His mother has some significant mental health issues, and as much as I have tried, his mother and I are unable to have a stable, amicable relationship. I know this takes a toll on his well-being and although I can't force an amicable relationship with his mother, I've done my best to provide a stable home/life when he is with me. I have striven for creating a consistent routine and my son and I have a good relationship and healthy communication, but he has obviously been deeply affected by the entire process.
I met my SO three years ago; she has a young son that was not school age at the time. Not shortly after we started dating, she moved closer to me (her lease was up). However, she is extremely close with her family and this move put her roughly 50 minutes away from them. It became a major issue; my SO suffers from anxiety and depression and the distance from her family was really taking a toll on her and our relationship. As her lease was nearing the end of the first year, she wanted us to move in together but also wanted to be closer to her family. Her preference was to be within the same city as them and approximately 10 minutes away from her mother and two sisters. At the time I didn't want to move my son out of his school system. He was just starting fourth grade and because of the divorce this was the second school system that he was in. He had friends and he and I both enjoyed the school, teachers, and staff. Moreover, if we would have moved to my SO's preferred location we most likely would have had a court fight due to distance from my son's mother. Against my better judgement my SO and I compromised on a new location that was known for having a stellar school system and that kept me in a range that wouldn't cause problems with my son's mother or the court. Our compromised location put her within 20-30 minutes of her mom and sisters. We agreed that this move was supposed to be our final major move and that the goal was to plant roots in the community. We have lived in this community for a little over two years now (her son is in first grade here now and my son is in sixth), and my son has started sports here.
The Breakdown
Ever since we moved my SO continued to hint that she would rather have moved to her preferred location. It was never a huge fight, but it was apparent that she still wasn't happy. The time came that my SO's mother decided to move and she moved further away from us and closer to the other two sisters. We're now approximately 30 minutes away from all of my SO's family, and our relationship has struggled ever since. My SO has essentially given me an ultimatum that we need to move closer to her family again, which means a new school district for the kids. She explained that family is crucially important to her, and that she can't imagine raising a family (we were discussing having another child) this far away from them. It has gotten to the point where she says that she is willing to end the relationship if I am unwilling to move again. Her argument is that our two boys have cousins that would be in the same school system (although none of them are in the same grade) and that we could have more impromptu meetups with her family and they could "play sports at the same parks together." I understand the importance of the relationships, but my son simply does not have the same deep relationship with her sister's children as my SO's son (obviously). He was older (and had had no other brothers/sisters/cousins) when he met them and has never connected as well as we had hoped.
I absolutely love my SO, but I also have a duty to my son to continue to provide stability. I don't want to rip him out of yet another school especially in middle school when kids can be so horrific. I think moving again would wreak havoc on him and his emotions. Outside of my own feelings towards moving again, I'm not even sure that the court would let me due to the increased distance to my son's mother. I could see her argument if we were hours away from her family, but I can't justify a decrease in 10 or 15 minutes of travel time at the expense of my son's well-being. I'm trying to empathize with my SO, but it's hard to feel like she is putting her own feelings in front of my son.
tl;dr My SO wants to move to be 10-15 minutes closer to her family but it would involve switching my son's school for the third time. My son has already had a tough childhood. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nGhowE1i8pHfhd2PFdSvLvglBWxvM4Kj | b3c5hp | {
"description": "telling my friend about his girlfriend kissing another guy resulting in their break-up",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friend about his girlfriend kissing another guy resulting in their break-up? | I'm at the bar hanging out with my other friend minding my own business, and he sees (girlfriend) kiss another guy from across the bar. At the time, he had a girlfriend for about a year. He said, "Yo aren't you good friends with (boyfriend)? I just saw his (girlfriend) kissing that dude from across the bar." He said if I saw his girlfriend doing that to another guy, he would want me to tell him. I had no clue what I was going to do. I didn't really think it was a huge deal so I went up to (girlfriend) at the bar to figure it out.
Next, I go up to the girl and she continually denies it. I tell her I'm going to tell her (boyfriend), and she pins her entire friend group against me. I was honestly on the fence about bringing it up to the (boyfriend), but I received infinite FaceTime calls from her friends. I finally answer, and it's about 15 girls bitching at me, all denying the fact that she was kissing this dude. This is what pissed me off the most, so I FaceTime my buddy and tell him about the situation.
Eventually, (boyfriend) and (girlfriend) start talking about the whole thing, and the (boyfriend) completely takes his girlfriend's side denying that the situation even happened. At this point I'm like holy fucking shit, this girl is such a manipulative fucking bitch.
Finally, the girl ADMITS the fact that she was kissing the other dude, but claims that it was not a big deal. Well, yes, I agree, maybe it would not have been a big deal had you not consistently lied to everyone around you only to admit it in the end. I'm in the middle of this whole situation, and they finally make up and they continue to date.
These girls all used to be some of my good friends, but none of them will even look in my direction at this point. Whenever I would see (boyfriend) and (girlfriend) out, it would be the most awkward thing. Basically, a situation that was not even a big deal to begin with blows up into this huge ordeal.
(some background on relationship with my buddy) We were roommates freshman year in college and joined different fraternities, but still great friends. This is sophomore year now.
All of (boyfriend)'s friends take my side, saying why would he be doing this for no reason at all, explaining how I wouldn't put myself in the middle of this for no reason at all. They explained how some of my best girl friends hate me now, and they all essentially take my side. I think this is what led (boyfriend) to finally break up with her.
Eventually, (girlfriend)'s friends forget about the situation, and everything goes back to normal with them. (Girlfriend) actually wants to kill me at this point, and she still holds this against me (junior year).
I feel like the biggest asshole because of this, but I just don't know if it's even my fault to begin with. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zzD6MUPAkokw5GCEeNdWz8uU2b3VmxOY | alzlz9 | {
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to pay 100$ in Rent Weekly",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Wanting My Boyfriend to Pay 100$ In Rent Weekly? | Ok so quick preface Ive never posted to reddit before so hope this isnt an incorrect format and someone lets me know if im missing any information or incorrect lingo.
My boyfriend (25M) and I (18F) live together in my room of my parents apartment. We have been together for 7mo now and have done well together so far.
Quick backstory, when we met he was homeless, having runaway from his parents home in another state.
We met at my summer and job and we hit it off quickly, but it became very obvious that I am the far more responsible one. Yet my parents could see that he genuinely made me happy and he really needed help, so they allowed him to move in with us to allow him an oppourtunity to prove himself and a man and adult.
After a month it was agreed by both parties that he would pay 100$ a week for rent. About 400$ a month.
However, He cannot keep a job, he worked his last job for exactly 7 shifts before cursing out his manager for calling him out when he No Call / No Showed. Let it be said that he does have ADHD and other issues with mental illness. But....
He also cannot seem to manage his own money. This is where my current issue comes into play.
We live in a Recrecational Marijuana state, and while it is legal for anyone above 21+ to consume it, he uses it to a point of dependency; in conjunction with playing my old PS3 for a minimum of approx. 6 or more hours a day.
My issues here: he got 50$, half of his owed weekly rent, two days ago and spent it on a new game and several grams of dabs.
Since he lost that last job (a month ago) he hasnt left the house but maybe twice, and now he is now 100$ (One Hundreded Dollars) behind in his rent and feels that somehow it is too much of me and my family to ask him to do that and that he should be able to pay less money for washing dishes, buying groceries with foodstamps and generally light cleaning.
Am I The Asshole for wanting my grown man, adult partner to pay 100$ a week for rent ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
OJDeSm0fnsmtryhAqqN1mnzUEbt7SKI3 | arz8ak | {
"description": "people watching while being asexual/aromantic",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for people watching while being asexual/aromantic? | I'm 'in the closet' as being an ace publically, for context. I've only ever admitted it online to randoms, and only came to the conclusion about 9 months to a year ago. I'm not the biggest 'people person' to begin with and a less than fun childhood means I'm very particular about my personal space.
So this starts about a year and a half to two years ago, housemates conviced me to install tinder, we lived in a university town so I figured I'd just upload some decent pics, write something pithy and be away with it. And after 6 months or so of not getting anywhere, barely getting any matches and when I did try making conversation it was more of an uphill struggle than I thought it was worth, so I promptly uninstalled the app when I had to move at the end of the university year and forgot about it.
Fast forward 6 months or so, with some therapy and counselling sprinkled in, I'm back at my home town spending a lot of time in my room depressed due to moving back to a small shithole in the middle of nowhere, when i noticed I never actually uninstalled tinder, I just moved it off my home screen, so I boot it up and flick through just to see what was out there now I was back home, having a laugh with my mate about spotting people we knew back from school etc.
He's pretty much the polar opposite of me, out every weekend, over 100 matches, etc so he looks over my profile, changes a few things and tells me to take some better pictures, so we do. I went from bad angles, poorly fitting clothes and a rough beard to me looking smart in my work uniform and a few casual shots of me sat in a pub garden in summer, work my way through my swipes again and going to bed, only when i woke up I had two (2!) whole new matches, more than I got in a month in the university town. I was too shocked at actually getting a match to say anything to them, so I just left them.
Then I just sort of carried on, playing about with the settings to get the best coverage, turned it almost into a game with me telling my mate every time I 'got one', and we even joked about setting up drinking game rules after reading the same copy/paste biographies time after time.
The question I have is, am I the asshole for matching with these girls and then never opening a line of communication with them? For a while after the initial rush of actually getting attention I'd only swipe left, but my mate told me that swiping too much one way or the other causes the algorithm to think your account is a bot and limits what you're able to see and do, so I turned back to an average/random swiping pattern which means i still get a match once in a blue moon.
But obviously being the person doing the deed means I can't judge myself from an outside perspective, which is where you lovely people come in.
TLDR: Use tinder for an ego boost and people spotting despite having no intentions of commiting to anything. Should I stop? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hQ8g7K7Ucy0zqR68x7zLnBMaLOfvTvbO | a9vkj4 | {
"description": "purposely not inviting my one aunt and her husband to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for purposely not inviting my one aunt and her husband to my wedding? | Back story: my aunt and I had a falling out a few years ago because her teenage daughter would come to me about boy issues (I was 26 at the time and what teenage wants to talk to their mom about sex?). She completely cut me off, my uncle was forced to stop talking to me, and her 4 kids were told to stop talking to me and no longer allowed to communicate with me in any way. She has since apologized but the relationship has not been the same, it's very fake, and her husband wont even acknowledge I exist.
Fast forward: my husband and I are a blended family. We have 3 kids total, I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and he has 1 from a previous relationship. We bought a house right after getting engaged and have done a lot to upgrade the house and he has spent a lot of money in lawyer fees to get more custody of his daughter. I was in nursing school, just recently graduated in May, and didnt have a job until this September. Such a good man to take on a woman in school with 2 children while having one of his own. But needless to say, the money wasn't coming in.
When we had announced our engagement, my mother wasn't the ecstatic mother asking to go dress shopping and venue shopping. In fact, the entire year we were engaged there was zero interest or talk of the wedding... from anyone in the family. So my husband and I decided to plan something small that only incorporated us and our 3 kids, with our close family and our 2 best friends in attendance. We had no bridal party, no big venue, and no DJ and dancing. We were paying for the entire thing ourselves, without any help from our families. It was a Sunday afternoon in a nice restaurant near our house. Including the 5 of us, there were a total of 20 people at our wedding. It was beautiful and turned out to be the perfect day and the perfect way for us to complete our family unity.
But back to the reason I am writing, I deliberately made the decision to make my wedding day about what my husband and I wanted. It was small, and as said before coming out of our pockets, and I chose not to invite my mom's one sister (I invited the other 3 siblings) that causes a lot of tension and hostility. Her husband can't even look my way when I come into a family party let alone say hi, and has never once acknowledged my husband. I made the conscious decision to forego my Grandmother's, mother's, and all of my aunt's feelings and make our day about me and my husband. Does this make me an asshole?
I wouldn't be writing this if it weren't for the upheaval that decision I made caused. My mother told me I was dividing the family. She begged me to invite my aunt saying she would pay for her meal. My other aunt's who already replied yes backed out. My Grandmother & aunt told me my Grandfather was looking down from Heaven with tears in his eyes. (SIDE Story: My Grandfather and I were very close and out all of his daughters, Grandchildren, wife, and great-grandchikdren; I was the only person to stand up and speak at his funeral. They used him against me because they knew it would cut deeply.) It has been months since our wedding and I am still treated like Satan himself due to that one decision. My husband and I have been fully enjoying our married life and have a great time with our kids. If given a chance to make this decision again, I wouldn't change a thing. My husband stands beside me and has throughout this entire thing. Neither of us truly care what my family thinks of our decision, we just want to know from an outsider's perspective if we truly are the assholes.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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