id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
fIR1ah0bceN33fKQvhDOL9o6Rnr3Z4w8 | a805wx | {
"description": "never eating any food given as a gift",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for never eating any food given as a gift? | I work in a medical setting and both patients and coworkers regularly bring in baked goods or cooked snacks for the holidays. I accept anything given to me, say thank you, and never eat it. If they expect me to eat it then and there, I take it and sneak off and flush it. If I can take it home, I toss it as soon as I am on the way home. I will later lie and say it was delicious. You never know if someone has decided to poison your cookies or if their cat/dog/bird got all up in the mix. I don't eat anything at grandparents houses, friends houses, anywhere. I just don't trust their cleaning methods or motives. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
wEtcOYbV8Tw85ZppO528ZqY5dkODwW1G | b8qi9m | {
"description": "not letting my BF sleep with another girl outside of our agreed arrangement",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for not letting my BF sleep with another girl outside of our agreed arrangement? | So to make sense of the title, let me give some brief background. My boyfriend (26m) and I (24f) have been together for close to 4 years. Early on we both expressed a desire to try opening up our relationship at some point, but we decided not to rush things to give ourselves more time to grow in the relationship and continue to develop our trust in one another.
Recently, we finally decided that we were both ready to try opening things up. We sat down together, had a long discussion and laid out some ground rules. We agreed that our relationship would be open for 2 weekends (so 4 days total). We agreed that there would be no continued contact with partners after sleeping with them outside of the designated days, and no flirting/setting up hookups outside of those 4 days. Too keep things less complicated, we agreed not to fuck anyone we knew. Condoms were mandatory, and we agreed to let each other know where we were going and who we were with (mainly for safety). We also agreed that the arrangement was over after the second weekend, and we would then evaluate it and decide how we proceed with things.
We were both excited, and we went out clubbing on the first Saturday looking to pick up. I ended up going home with a guy that night for sex, but my boyfriend went home alone. He downloaded Tinder on Sunday but didn't really spend much time with it, since he was happy just to wait until the next weekend.
Next Saturday came and we went clubbing again. I hooked up with a different guy that night and again in the morning. My boyfriend went home alone again. He spent almost his entire Sunday on Tinder, but couldn't arrange a hookup in time. He had one girl who seemed interested in him but it didn't work out in time. I felt really bad for him but just encouraged him that he will do better next time.
He was pretty down following our arrangement, and he admitted that he couldn't help but feel jealous that I had slept with 2 guys and he had slept with nobody. I told him that next time I would help him, but he said he didn't think he wanted to do another. He said that he just wanted to sleep with someone to even things up. He wanted to continue talking to the girl from tinder and meet up with her.
I pretty much flat out said no. I did not feel comfortable with him flirting with a girl on Tinder after it was over, especially since it went against all our agreed upon rules. I would be fine with it if we sat down and planned another agreed arrangement, but his ego is too fractured for that and he just wants to see where things go with this Tinder girl. I do not feel comfortable with this after we agreed to stop, and I don't like the idea of doing it just to be even. I would be open to letting him sleep with another girl in the future, but I would need to have a serious discussion and ground rules like the last time.
Am I an asshole for not being ok with this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
QIiXYmH56XVs1ntN1cOC2dijL3l7JIFU | a6pbsl | {
"description": "refusing to help my school with an investigation into a leaked naked video",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for refusing to help my school with an investigation into a leaked naked video? | Some girl at my school was recently filmed naked in the shower. The video has begun being shared online. I am quite good with phones and computer and the headmistress of the school has asked me if I can help.
Although I (male) am normally in favour of helping, I think I am going to refuse. I think a witchhunt might happen and I don't want any part of it. I am a libertarian at heart and against heavy surveillance.
I think my headmistress will be disappointed and we normally have a good rapport, it is not my hill to die on and not my war. She is essentially asking me to tell on my peers.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
29eTOHJoyj338xHuD0ENczbjGs9eWOlF | b55cj2 | {
"description": "asking my sister to stop playing her Jesus songs so loud",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For asking my sister to stop playing her Jesus songs so loud? | I live in a Christian family that isn’t huge on religion. However, every once and a while my sister will get super religious for some reason and will either blast or sing random gospel and Jesus songs. I have literally memorized certain ones because they are **all I hear.** She won’t use earbuds or headphones. She’ll just set her phone to full volume and sing along. When she doesn’t have her phone she’ll wait her hum the song or full blown opera house sing it.
These bouts usually happen after she goes to a camp or retreat that involves Christianity. This Friday she left for an ACTS retreat. When she got back today, it was particularly worse. She was doing to usual, walking around, singing, “basking in the glory of god,” as she would call it.
After months of enduring this, I finally snapped.
“Hey, could you use earbuds or turn it down please?”
She looks at me like she’s dumbstruck. Of course, having no ability to win an argument, she decides to take the moral high ground, questioning me on whether I love god and accept him. When I say yes, she asks me why I want her to turn down her beautiful music. I reply that it’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just that it’s really loud. Goody two shoes of course replies that I should not complain and that I should be listening to it too.
I have nothing against this kind of music when it’s played *in an appropriate setting.* Am I the Asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LrC2dFrxNvr1BRDntxgXukGfBqmmZEHp | a30zaq | {
"description": "ghosting a girl after she sent me pictures of her feet",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ghosting a girl after she sent me pictures of her feet? | So I started talking to this girl from Reddit and after a few weeks of talking on and off on discord (not voice chat) she sent me pictures of her feet at 1 or 2 am. After that I told her that I didn't really appreciate those pictures and I didn't write anything to her after that. She sent me a message a while back saying hello but I never answered. AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
atoikAAjIS8xwxks7wEl7MnODbdDr4pu | adyreh | {
"description": "thinking I should received some of my dad's life insurance payout",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I think I should received some of my dad's life insurance payout? | Context: My (34f) mom and dad have been divorced for 25 years. My mom remarried fairly quickly. My dad also remarried but after his second wife died unexpectedly, he spent the last ten years of his life depressed, suicidal, suffering from substance issues and homeless. He died unexpectedly from sepsis after an unknown illness that he did not seek treatment for.
When my parents divorced my dad was ordered to pay child support. He was also ordered to maintain a small life insurance policy that would provide support to his two children (my sister and I) in the case of his death. Obviously the primary beneficiary was my mom since she was our custodial parent.
When my sister and I both turned 18, he let the policy lapse as he was no longer required by the court order to maintain it.
Fast forward to present day: my dad dies and my mom pulls up this insurance policy that although lapsed will still payout $10k or so in the event of his death. So she files a claim. It's approved. She gets a check.
I assumed since the purpose of the policy was for the benefit of my dad's children, that my sister and I would split the payout. We wanted to use the majority of it to pay for travel to Alabama to clean out his apartment and to pay for his funeral. We would have used whatever was left over to pay down some student loan debt that my mom co-signed on (she co-signed some debt because my dad didn't want to help pay for college). I thought paying down the debt was a great way to benefit both her and us. It was a way for my dad to posthumously help with paying for college.
Instead, my mom says she has bills that need to be paid. She is ultimately entitled to the money. She will pay us back for the funeral (it really just amounted to cremation expenses) but that's it.
My sister and I were extremely upset. my dad would roll over in his grave if he knew. I'm sure that if he knew while he was alive that there could still be payout that he would have changed the beneficiaries to us.
But we dropped it. Didnt argue with her or make it an issue. Just dutifully took care of his affairs and that was that.
If you made it this far.....AITA for expecting my mom to give the money to my sister and I?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rEJmEt01wYq4MBjJF39QmgJVMWke5plE | azag3w | {
"description": "being frustrated with my husband constantly changing opinions",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being frustrated with my husband constantly changing opinions. | On mobile so sorry for any formatting issues.
So my husband and I have been together for two years. And I am starting to get very frustrated with him constantly changing his mind, he also always denies he ever had a different opinion. Now he doesn’t waver on big things (career, our relationship, children ect) but on all the small things, favorite movie, music, color, food, all of it constantly changes. One week he loves the color blue the he hates it and has no idea where I got that idea. I know in the grand scheme of things this is small but it makes planning dinner, buying gifts all of it an immense process! And I need to know AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
4aBtKCs7yfGdrPJJazjTOmmzHZGClyBa | ai69qt | {
"description": "confronting a dad and his loud annoying kid at a movie premiere",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for confronting a dad and his loud annoying kid at a movie premiere? | So this happened at Spiderman: Homecoming on opening night back in 2017.
Me my friend and his sister got really good seats pre booked and so we were all set. A quarter the way into the movie I notice this child in the family behind us is constantly talking every time something happens. The Vulture and his construction crew get screwed over by shield, the Vulture first attacks spiderman, etc. All I hear is "who is that", why is that happening". Even at one of the most important parts of the movie towards the final fight "what did that mean?".
I get this is a Spiderman movie.... for kids, but Jesus Christ. Multiple times I look back and quietly say "hey man your kid is being loud" and get "yeah sorry" in response. Nothing is done over the 2 hours. So by the end I was pretty pissed off ngl. Regrettably it lead to me saying something and it played out like this:
Kid's mom: "wow that was a really great movie!"
Me: (outloud without facing them) "Yeah it was, except for the child behind me that never stopped talking"
Kid's dad: "excuse me!?"
Me: (now standing facing them) "I asked you multiple times to do something and you never did. We all paid 20$ each to be here and you almost ruined the experience."
Kid's dad: "You shouldn't confront someone like this in front of their kids! Why didn't you ask me privately instead of this?"
Me: "I dont blame the kid, but maybe you should learn that if you annoying stangers in public, they aren't going to react very well."
(At this point there are onlookers and my friend/his sister are looking worried)
Kids dad: "You know what I got something to say to you"
Me: "yeah? Go right ahead bud"
He looks at his family and the people around him and just let's out this sort of angry sigh. We both walk away but my friend stayed back to do his own apology to them.
I feel it wasn't the best way to handle it, but fuck do I hate it when parents are so up there own ass like that! I didn't swear, I didn't yell, and I waited till the end of the movie to say something. Yet I didn't come out of it feeling any better.
TL;DR: kid wouldn't stop talking, I confronted the dad in front of exiting theatre. Could of escalated and gone badly, but didn't.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
OPxk2jxr5maGMqVhrk7eK6xtZ34FDvlL | b9fr2u | {
"description": "snapping at my boyfriend for joking about being with other girls",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For Snapping at my boyfriend for joking about being with other girls | So my boyfriend came back from uni, we are long distance so today was going to be the day that we could spend most of the day together, since we both don't have school tomorrow.
So, we called each other, and I asked him about his day and how it was, and he replied he was with some girls, and I snapped at him to stop it. I know it was wrong to yell at him especially since it was a joke, but he always jokes about cheating on me or being or with other girls it's starting to wear me down.
I told him to stop doing this other times before because it makes me feel bad. I apologized to him for yelling but now he's ignoring me and won't talk to me when I talk to him. I guess I ruined the day now.
Tldr I yelled at my boyfriend for joking about being with other girls, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
NEftE1TclDQZFkTV6WuBSjMh3UntTfNx | b1n8v3 | {
"description": "going out with a girl my friend was trying to date",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going out with a girl my friend was trying to date? | This is all just high school, so a warning that it'll have been handled immaturely and overly dramatically.
So a very good friend of mine, call him Paul, helped a girl, call her Bella, when her friend group kind of imploded, and integrated her into ours, which is a bunch of chill dudes who play cards at lunch. For a few months, our group has all assumed that they were dating but now that we've gotten to know her, she's come to a few of us and asked her what to do about a few guys who have asked her out to formal when she didn't want to go with any of them (including Paul), which we helped her deal with. Paul was pretty upset, as he thought they were dating but Bella didn't, she thought they were just friends the whole time.
The AITA part is that after we helped her deal with it, she asked me out and I said yes since I've liked her the whole time, but just kept it under wraps. I feel like Paul feels pretty betrayed by both of us, but the whole time I thought they were dating I never showed anything and didn't try to sabotage them at all, if anything the opposite. I told Paul about what Bella said to me the day after and to my face he said it's ok, but he has been very downhearted since, and has mentioned that it's really painful seeing us together to other friends. I really am not sure if I'm the asshole here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SI8OubTWIiZ0zjnnZakrv56A0dWrzQ2i | b1rjpm | {
"description": "shutting off the WiFi",
"pronormative_score": 113,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for shutting off the WiFi. | Our kids are good kids but don’t do enough around the house, particularly on housework day. Wifey & I are often still finishing after dark. Son (18) is also addicted to league of legends. He is 2nd year university and lives at home without paying for anything except his clothes, bus money & spending.
I (M49) got started about 8am this morning (Saturday). Didn’t feel very motivated because I’m in NZ, yesterday was the day 49 people were gunned down at their Mosques and Christchurch is my home town so I’m feeling pretty down. At about 9:30 I knocked on his door to ask if he could start on his jobs & empty the dishwasher. He was in a game & said yeah yeah.
No sign of him and an hour later my wife said she’d just asked him and he said he was in the middle of a game. She told him she’d get me to cut the wifi if he didn’t start helping and he said if she did that he wouldn’t be doing anything. (Once a game starts you can’t quit without risking a stand down for several days).
When I heard that I went straight to the router, disconnected the power cable & put it away. A minute or two later he starts yelling from downstairs. I went down there and he begins shouting and swearing at me (f***ing this & that). I told him calmly he had just lost internet until I decided to give it back & so of course he escalated the shouting. I went back upstairs feeling very bruised.
He was up within 5 mins, went to the fridge & got an apple. I told him if he was going to yell at me like that he can’t expect to eat my food and can buy his own. Even more shouting and swearing. Youngest daughter (11) tried to tell him to stop and got the brunt of it. She has OCD & Aspergers so can’t cope with that sort of thing and I sent her upstairs. Son threw the apple, kicked the washing basket over (talking a chip out of the coffee table) & stormed downstairs.
Ten minutes later I heard what sounded like a door slam over & over. When I went downstairs I saw the doorframe to his bedroom is split top to bottom. I told him he has to fix it.
Wife calmed things down & later he even washed her car. She drove him to work at 6pm by which stage we still hadn’t exchanged words. He’d already planned to stay at a friend’s so he’s probably getting plastered. It’s midnight now & wifey is worried because “he’s not in a good state of mind.” I can’t help worrying too. He’s not answering her texts.
I’m tossing up whether to (1) programme the router to exclude all his devices; and/or (2) take his bedroom door away. However at 18 he’s an adult. I don’t know whether ITA, HTA or NTA. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 111,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 113,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
GNHfAjTB5a2b9SHVsGEhGOpvLLD6smNV | akvr7r | {
"description": "siding with my mom and cornering my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for siding with my mom and cornering my boyfriend? | My (F24) boyfriend (M24) has been talking about going into the military since we met over a year ago. I asked him multiple times why this was his career choice in the first place, and the only reply I’ve gotten more frequently is that it was his only option (i.e. college isn’t for me, I don’t have other skills, can’t make a living doing min wage jobs, etc). He also has expressed interest in being in the military for travel reasons and benefits, but the other reasons still stand. I have a full time job as a nurse, so money is not much of an issue for me. He wants to make more, naturally, so that he and I will be set in the future.
He and I have talked about the future and it is apparent that whatever avenue life takes us, we will be together. But, I have brought up the fact that going into the military is a giant time commitment and will have him be away during the best years of our young lives. I have brought up so many other routes as well (especially fire) and he brushes over them. He is pretty dead set on going to the military although multiple people in his friend group, family, and mine, have advised him against it.
Tonight, he and I went to my mothers house for dinner and she mentioned that our local fire dept was hiring for entry level into the academy. I immediately backed her up and explained what a wonderful idea what this was. We kept explaining each reason why it would be better for him, and us, if he chose this route. I at least ask him to consider it as an option and he glazes over it with barely any acknowledgement.
I guess my question is that I am wondering if AITA for cornering him with my mother in beliefs that multiple people hold, including myself, about this? Is he TA for not even considering it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
NBeP8m239cn1LTUd2M35AsqxiECl3Roc | aqz21j | {
"description": "not watching my sister",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not watching my sister? | So, today I wake up, mom is gone and my little sister "Jenny" is being watched by "Ben" our stepfather.
Hours go by, I mostly do my thing in my room, but I notice Ben's getting a bit irritated. I guess he's a bit tired of babysitting Jenny. I consider offering to watch her, but he's turned me down in the past in similar situations in which he could have used help with her but refused anyway because pride or whatever. So I don't bother offering and he doesn't ask me to help either. I go to my room.
Then Mom comes home and goes crazy. Apparently I was supposed to watch Jenny today, even though no one ever asked me to. According to mom, I should have helped Ben in the very least. I would have, if he asked, but he didn't! She then calls me ungrateful little shit, because Ben always helps me with things and I didn't help him today.
Also, Ben didn't even go talk to me about me not helping him afterwards and I don't think he actually complained about me to mom. She just saw him annoyedly watching Jenny upon arrival and started shouting at me. Ben just disappeared into his workroom. So I have no idea what he thinks about all this.
So, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QK0lCnL8l9Q9gtNiSj6OWDjufN0ggMSB | aslbh2 | {
"description": "shouting and nagging to my girlfriend's step-sister (she's 5 years old) because she was trying so hard to kiss me in the mouth",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for shouting and nagging to my girlfriend's step-sister (she's 5 years old) because she was trying so hard to kiss me in the mouth? | She was telling everyone that we were a couple and that we were getting married, then she began trying to kiss me and the more i took her off, the more she insisted and began making a tantrum.
i got fed up and yelled at her, scolded her and pushed her away without violence. she cried so bad.
she was putting me in a very difficult situation because nobody was telling her nothing about her attitude, (as always), and now my girlfriend's family is mad at me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
pHTpJmUIYdmRCqpLH7bsSajhGojuUXda | ap1akm | {
"description": "wanting the bills paid on time and in full",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting the bills paid on time and in full? | I am always told by family that I am just being "fussy" when I ask my roommate to pay his share of the rent on time and in full. He always pays it late, and often late by several days, if not several weeks. The lease and the bills are in MY name, so this looks bad on ME when it is late. I am also poor, so I cannot just cover his side of the rent.
The roommate is my cousin, and my previous roommate was another cousin, both from the same family. They both had issues paying their bills, even when they HAD the money! Both of them have issues with spending, and will often spend hundreds of dollars a month on junkfood and crap instead of paying their actual bills. I feel as if they think that because the bill is in my name, that they don't have to care about paying it on time, and that makes me feel highly disrespected in my own home.
We are helping out the current roommate due to financial issues, which is the only reason we let him stay. Despite this, he never lets us know when he will be able to pay the rent and his one utility. He simply does not pay. When I ask about it, I am always hit with "I'll have it tonight" or "I'll have it tomorrow" or on the weekend, and it never comes. Sometimes I am able to pay his side of the rent 1-5 days after it is due, other times it can be up to 21 days after the grace period.
I feel bad, as the landlords like me, but I feel like the landlord's good will is going to run low. I am always on the hook when these bills are late, and over the past few years, I have had to shill out over 2000 USD of my own money, which would have otherwise gone towards taxes and food, to pay for bills that that they simply do not pay. I make less than 8000 USD a YEAR, and most of it goes towards rent, food, and medical expenses. I often have to live on a tight budget, and can never buy anything for myself.
I feel like I am being taken advantage of, but I am unable to say anything. When I try to bring it up, I get shut down. I am told that they "work hard" or that "they're family" and I am just expected to deal with all this nonsense.
I am on the verge of breaking down and my lack of funds makes me so stressed that I cry about how I am going to make ends meet. But they do not seem to care.
My cousins are over 20 years old, with full-time jobs, and I constantly have to nag at them to even get the money. If I did not nag them for the money, they probably would not pay at all. And they don't even clean any part of the house either, so it is often a mess.
So am I the asshole for wanting my roommates to pay their share? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
dwyBZnygnN1XLwv6cQIxINEM61fvL2nr | b70jkg | {
"description": "making a joke on my colleagues behalf",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for making a joke on my colleagues behalf? | background: I work in a profession where different departments are in close contact with each other, for the benefit of all parties involved.
colleague B and I hang out in our free time, away from work. we've done so for a couple of years. while in private, B and myself sometimes have a...harsh way of speaking about certain whings (we tell ourselves it helps alleviate stress from our work situation which we both enjoy very much but it pressure is sometimes immense). the things we say to each other are things never mentioned (at least not by me) at work. to me it's just rough humor, nothing racist or hateful. colleague B drives this jargon as much as I do, if not more.
the matter at hand: the other day I spoke with colleague A, whom I have never met and know nothing about, on the phone regarding a certain matter. the conversation was brief and, according to my biased belief, very much professional with me asking for A's input on a certain matter and getting a very good answer to my question.
now, during this short conversation, I noted to myself that colleague A had a voice that, to me, sounded quite child-like. I found it somewhat amusing that a competent and grown person had this kind of voice. while I would never say anything about this to A, I did however mention this to colleague B who works in the same department as A. I meant it as a gag of the usual kind and nothing more.
turns out B told A about this, and A, understandably, got upset. I would be too, if I heard shit like that from someone I've just spoken with on the phone. I know B spilled the beans because today I got a physical letter to my desk from A, and the letter goes like this:
​
*dear \[OP\],*
*you've acted inappropriately towards me. I'm hereby formally accusing you of being a piece of shit. you will not talk to my colleagues about me in a condescending tone. you sound like a 95 year old fart. I hate you.*
*sincerely,*
*A*
​
this letter made me feel like a piece of shit since I never intended that A should know about my infantile joke about A's voice. I also got worried that A might bring this matter to HR (harassment-like behaviour).
should I apologise to A and, more importantly, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
fkgFswlhlZlXxTbWBQ3JOmbDL1sgWZq8 | ay870r | {
"description": "not answering my door",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not answering my door | It's after 10pm here and a friend of mine showed up at my house without warning. He was ringing my bell and I didn't get up to answer it cause I wasn't expecting anyone. So he called me and told me to open the door, he knows I'm home because it's after my kids bedtimes so I have to be home to put them to sleep. And I said no, you didnt tell me you were on your way so I'm not opening the door. And then he called me petty and childish because he just wanted to chill with me and I was being an asshole.
But am I the asshole? I mean, with all the technology now you could've let me know you were coming over in a hundred different ways but you didn't even stop to think about it. I feel like he's the jerk here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
7xls3dxIn5kjQSj50649j7ENwnBRw77q | ab2sjh | {
"description": "using the 'first class' lavatory to change my son since the aft lavatory was blocked by the trolley",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for using the 'first class' lavatory to change my son since the aft lavatory was blocked by the trolley? | My wife and I selected the very back row in the plane since we were flying with our 1yr old son and would need to change him. During the booking process nothing indicated this was a problem.
When we were checking our bags they informed us they couldn't legally sit a baby in the back, so they'd moved us to like row 7 in the front (premier). An upgrade! Woo!
Mid-flight my son needed to be changed badly and I looked back towards the rear lavatory and there was the food cart in the way serving people. As such I headed up past first class to the other lavatory.
As I walked that way the stewardess told me to use the rear lavatory to which I said 'I can't, there's a cart serving people and he needs to be changed now unless you want poop everywhere'.
She sort of sighs and says ok fine. I go in and begin the process of changing my son in this tiny ass bathroom with barely enough room for myself to squat. No more than 2 minutes into the process she knocks on the door and goes 'Are you done yet'? (Rude as hell, now I'm annoyed).
Not 30 seconds later she gets on the intercom that ONLY announces to the speaker inside the lavatory. At about plane-engine volume I hear 'Please get out of the lavatory immediately a first class passenger needs to use it'.
Now I'm pretty much furious. I finished changing my son as quickly as I could while she continued to talk through the door like I'm some sort of degenerate for making this person wait not even 5 minutes while I change my infant son.
I was PISSED. Got everything done and as I walk out I see this bro-lookin dude talking to the stewardess about how he was first class and it was insulting that someone not in first class could use the lavatory up there.
We TRIED to be polite and sit near the rear lavatory and they bumped us to the front. Not my damn fault they put us in this situation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Krf2QiTIm5sZ5X4pxwn37Z1ZOlXDORpd | b6l2ww | {
"description": "telling my stepdad my mom goes through his phone",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for telling my stepdad my mom goes through his phone | So yesterday I was walking through the hall and I saw my mom going through my stepdad's phone I tried to ask her why she was doing that and she just told me to mind my own business
. When he woke up I told him and my mother was upset and said I had no business to tell him and said I was an asshole and won't talk to me.
So Reddit AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
ElcXwcoGJVASP35ibUpHCjHg2OYjXnKP | b7wnnc | {
"description": "being friends with someone my other two friends hate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being friends with someone my other two friends hate? | I’ve been posting on here a lot recently, but I’ve been going through a lot with my friend group. For this story, I will use A, B, and C to describe my three best friends.
Friends A and B both very much dislike C. C tries her best to be kind to them even though they basically hate her. I have told A and B many times that I’m still going to be friends with C and that I would not, and never would, force them to be friends with C. B accepted this, and I hang out with her separately from C and all is well. Friend A however, does not accept this. She frequently makes comments that are either passive aggressive or clearly against my friendship with C. If she asks what I’m doing over the weekend and if I come over and I tell her I’m busy she normally says “you’re probably going to hang out with C” In a rude tone. Other times if I say “wanna sit next to me in math” she’ll say “I thought you’d want to sit next to C” and other times she’ll make up lies about things C did to her. I found out a few days ago that A and B were trying to make a plan to get me to stop being friends with C. It was mostly controlled by A, but B was involved. I’ve been arguing with A a lot recently, about many things. (I made a post about it previously.) I talked to A and B about their plan. B said she was fine with me being friends with C as long as they didn’t have to hang out. I agreed with her. A still did not agree. I’ve been doing my best to hang out with A and B separate from C, but we are all in the same classes, sit at the same table during lunch, and ride the same bus. I’m not really sure if I’m being an ah to friend A because I’m still close friends with C. What do you all think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SeXcVR4FF3uLUYdj42UEOsWapKAPZyFh | a6n6vx | {
"description": "not dating an omnivore",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for not dating an omnivore? | For context, I’m a very strong believer in animal rights, I participate in animal activism, and I adhere to a vegan diet and lifestyle.
Among friends, I don’t discriminate. Of course, if someone hunts for fun or races greyhounds, I probably *really* hate them and don’t want to be their friend, but I separate overt abuse from omnivorism because I see omnivorism as a sort of result of social programming and cognitive dissonance rather than total disregard or hatred for the rights of animals, as evidenced by the fact that omnivores often get upset when hearing about dog-eaters, SeaWorld, etc.
But when it comes to a boyfriend, I wouldn’t date somebody who eats animals. It’s such an important value to me that I simply wouldn’t seriously date somebody who doesn’t hold that same value.
I mentioned this to some friends and they seemed appalled, saying that I’m being discriminatory and “fascist”. Am I the asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
C70PrH2u84qr0Gkl6vU0W5Tk9p2a3rc8 | b64qxq | {
"description": "moving in on my Bestfriend's crush",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA For Moving in on my Bestfriend’s Crush | To clarify before I begin all names have been changed. Also, my apologies for the length of this post.
Ok so I am in my 4th but not final year of college (took a year “off”) and absolutely adore one of my best friends since freshman year, we’ll call him Dan. Dan and I have been tight for four years and although I’ve always had a secret crush on him, I’ve always dismissed any signs that he was interested in me. We were both in other relationships for a while and during that span of time, I viewed Dan as just a friend and all my former romantic feelings for him disappeared.
Now that we are both single those feelings of attraction have crept up again and I have reason to believe he is attracted to me but there is a problem.
Sarah, one of my absolute best friends on this earth has been part of our very tight mutual friend group since our sophomore year. She has a massive crush on Dan and everyone in our group (including Dan) knows it. At this point I think that Dan is interested in both of us but I have always deferred to Sarah as I know she is way more invested than I am. I haven’t really responded to any flirting Dan has done with me because I don’t want Sarah to feel like I have betrayed her.
But here’s the thing Sarah won’t be around next School Year as she is taking a year abroad. WIBTA for making a move on Dan while she is gone? I more or less plan on at least testing the waters with him but does that make me a snake(asshole)? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NPjncpRyYxPH4kS9bcsMHleKFrmXHIQu | aubfhr | {
"description": "watching a show without my gf first and then pretending it was my first time watching with her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I watched a show without my gf first and then pretended it was my first time watching with her? | Gf and I got into Game of Thrones last year. We watch it together. It’s quickly become my all time favorite show. She likes it, but I don’t think cares nearly enough as me about it. I say that because she will also be on her phone during the show. With this show you have to pay really close attention or you will miss a lot and that’s where the problem comes into play.
She keeps talking throughout it during. It’s driving me insane. “Who’s that?” “What are they doing?” “Why did he do that?” All of her questions would be answered if she paid attention to the show, but she’s only half in half out. That’s fine, but don’t ruin it for me. I’ve tried pausing while I answer her questions, but the show is so complicated that usually she just acts bored when I start up.
I like that we have this show that we both enjoy and can watch together. Usually it’s not the case and we have to fight for the remote haha. She gets mad when I watch without her, but I have to go back rewatch episodes sometimes because her constant talking throughout makes me miss a lot of details.
It’s never good to lie, but I feel like in this case it might be better than telling her she needs to be quiet while we watch. I’d rather just binge the rest of the series while she’s gone and pretend that it’s a first time viewing when I watch with her. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
zBTvMGvocW5pKuXV8liJSGVjvTHjBEpc | b3nwfu | {
"description": "not answering a coworker's call at 1:30 in the morning even though I was awake",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not answering a coworker's call at 1:30 in the morning even though I was awake? | I work a strange job. It's 12 hour shifts 3-4 days a week, and it's a boring job. It's not REALLY "security" but for simplicity's sake let's call it a security job. It's easy.
So I get a call at 1:30 in the morning. I'm laying in bed awake talking with my wife. I know who it is and we both look at each other about the call. She tells me to ignore it. I felt horrible but I just let it ring.
A little extra info. My co-worker is a cancer survivor who is struggling with fighting her battle. I have covered for her countless times and will always help her out when I can. She's a great lady. She might have needed my help or something, or (more likely) just needed a cover for the next day.
But it was almost 2 in the morning, and the shift I know she was going to be asking me to cover would be at 6 am. I live an hour away from work, so that means that if I were to take this shift, I would literally get less than 3 hours of sleep to then do a 12 hour shift. And my next scheduled shift is the day after, a night shift, from 6pm to 6 am the next day. Which is why I was awake that late to begin with.
Now mind you I have voicemail but she doesn't leave a message. 10 minutes later she calls again! But again leaves no message. UGH!
AITA for choosing my own sleep schedule over answering this call? I know if I answered I would say yes no matter what. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nshFrPtjgwuuPvNZG0Bray9S40SSglbd | ayl5bo | {
"description": "getting angry about my mother making plans for me to babysit other people's kids without my consent",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry about my mother making plans for me to babysit other people’s kids without my consent? | I (20F) babysit my 5 year old autistic sister for my parents. My mom is pregnant and is due to give birth to another baby girl in the beginning of May, who I will also babysit once she is done with maternity leave.
I pick my sister up from school at 3pm 4/5 days out of the week, and watch her until around 8pm. When I begin babysitting the baby, I will have her from 1pm until 8pm alongside the 5yo.
Today, a family friend (who is a CNA, and works 7a-7p+hour drive to and from work) posted on Facebook about needing a babysitter for her almost 3 month old son. The father works 3rd shift in a factory, so he sleeps all day before going back to work at night.
My mother commented and said that I would do it without even asking me, and only told me afterwards to warn me that the FF would be messaging me about it. At first I was a little annoyed, but then my grandmother (who is much closer with this family) called me to inform me about the hours she works, and also that they’re really struggling for money so they’re probably going to pay me nickels and dimes—if they even pay me at all.
I was slightly more annoyed.
Then FF messaged me and we talked about it. I’d be watching her son from 6am-8pm 4 days in a row out of every week. The most she could offer to pay me was $10 a day, and even that would really tighten their budget. That’s roughly 71 cents an hour. 14 hours of babysitting a day, 4 days in a row out of every week—for $40 a week? Yeah... no.
I feel bad telling her no, but the idea of juggling a newborn, a less-than-one-yo, and a 5 year old autistic child terrifies me. Plus, how am I ever going to fit 3 car seats in my vehicle? I drive a truck. Two infant seats and a booster seat in one back bench is not feasible, or safe.
I confronted my mom about her offering up my services without my consent. We got into a fight. She says I’m cruel for not helping out a struggling family, and I should’ve been willing to do it for free. FF is upset, so is her husband.
AITA for confronting my mom for offering me up for jobs without even asking me, and refusing to do the work she offered me up for?
TL;DR: I babysit for my parents, just a 5yo at the moment—soon to be a newborn as well. Mom offered me up to babysit a friend’s 2/3mo without asking. They want to pay me $40 for 56 hours of babysitting per week. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SLEksgIY0qMPMi5cup9Qy5PrI5zVPXRA | 9zv6ru | {
"description": "not wanting my husbands to be BFF with his ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my husbands to be BFF with his ex | My husband and I have been together for 9 years and this past year he has decided to become best friends with his ex. She has always been in our lives here and there but nothing like this. I should note they didn’t go out for long. Anyways recently he is constantly hiding his phone and I finally got sick of it and did some snooping, which I know isn’t the best idea HOWEVER I was going crazy! We were recently visiting family in my hometown, where she lives as well. My husband decided to make an appointment at the doctors and I was just hanging out with my family at home. Anyways fast forward to the snooping in the messages he said he wanted to meet up with her and he planned his appointment around her lunch break. He never actually ended up seeing her because his appointment changed but it was the fact that he was planning on being sneaky behind my back. I wouldn’t have cared if he told me but finding out like this is frustrating. The messages between them seemed intimate, nothing like flirting or anything. Just really deep conversations. Anyways my husband says I shouldn’t have been snooping, but I said he should have told me about this. I don’t like that he talks to her and is it fair for me as his wife to find this relationship inappropriate. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HN7lzstMFq05ZpRqRHiZPEkePqF9VQz5 | awkeuq | {
"description": "expecting my wife to do more of the housework because I bring in more income",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 160
} | AITA for expecting my wife to do more of the housework because I bring in more income? | The title is essentially it in a nutshell.
My wife and I have been married for 4 years and have 1 kid and this is a constant disagreement. I make almost 4x what she does. I'm not saying she has to do 4x the chores, but am I an asshole for expecting her to at least be the "management" and keep track of everything, as well as being the one to take on the bulk of the child work and housework? If not for me, she couldn't keep the roof over our child's head or food in his mouth. I am funding almost the whole operation, so I believe she should be contributing in other ways. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 159,
"OTHER": 34,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 23
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 160
} | WRONG |
bEMoX4FZFLWvHnNZe5ySBTx7MdPTkTZS | aa6ket | {
"description": "not spending time with my family overseas",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not spending time with my family overseas? | Just a short briefing of the situation. So my girlfriend just graduated college recently, and for her present I got us tickets to the Philippines. It just so happens that my mom and sister are down there at this time as well. Now we will be spending 2 or 3 days with them but will be shortly leaving for other locations. My mom thinks im being inconsiderate for not spending the whole time with them. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iX9R1AJIDOuak1UNHNcB5y5BFEdZ1KFJ | b61wh2 | {
"description": "not inviting my friend to play a game",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not inviting my friend to play a game? | So a little context for this post: MF for male friend FF for female friend
I have a classmate who plays PUBG and we make a really good team together when we play. But recently i noticed he's been a bit sad in school and whenever i invite him for a quick game he just replies "not now" or "maybe later". So me being the kind person i am i just stop messaging him. Fast forward 2 days a female classmate of mine tells me she plays PUBG (i'm kind of known in the class for being sort of good at the game) and tells me her IGN. So FF and I just play and play and play. 1 game she actually clutched a very nerve racking game (her vs 2 squads) and she just was so proud. She posts it to her WhatsApp status and hey my MF tells me: "You fucking twat you never invite me to play anything nowadays" "Go fuck yourself you inconsiderate fuckshit" "Bring that FF over and fuck her how about that".
He then proceeds to block me on WhatsApp. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
kPQFUFW4668TMGVH7zYmp5HxOzO3h899 | aoox8x | null | AITA here? | so i’m homeschooled and my mom wanted me to not be on her pc anymore so she offered to buy me my own and she herself said; ‘i will buy you a pc that can run games like fortnite / borderlands / games with relative ease’ i agreed to this. tonight i woke up to a HP Laptop on my desk, i’m pissed and want my mother to immediately take it back, is this me being an entitled son or am i right to be annoyed when i get something that doesn’t even have the RAM to run fortnite? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
ccqjer3VobYKDSOo0XSBLW0J57nUToWo | ao6ur8 | {
"description": "asking my flatmate to pay for something he asked me to get him",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my flatmate to pay for something he asked me to get him | Apologies for the length of this. Disclaimer, this does involve cannabis.
This story is an issue that arose between me and my flatmate
I recently travelled to Amsterdam for a holiday with a friend.
While there, my flatmate asked me to buy some hash, pop it into the post and send it back to him. He stated in text that he would send me the money for it. He had done the same thing by sending hash to Greece and was pretty confident that it would work.
Me and my friend agreed that this would be a good idea and would do this for ourselves as well.
The final day in Amsterdam we bought the hash and the required stamps and went about sending these back.
Me and my friend considered what would be the best way to do this. Either send it in 1 package and risk losing it all (£100) or send it in separate packages and increase our chances of getting at least one thing back through. We decided to send it in 3 packages, 2 to my house, 1 to my friends. All aware that every package could get caught and all our money would be up in smoke (pun intended)
We travelled back without issue and waited for the packages to arrive.
The first package arrived at my house. My flatmate was awake when it arrived, opened it (to see what it was as we didn't write names in it) and left it outside my room and told me I could have the first one as I sent it.
The second package arrived at my friend's house 2 days later. So we expected the third package shortly.
Unfortunately the third package still hadn't arrived weeks after
I said to my flatmate that I had made a mistake on the address on one of the packages, Realised my mistake, scored it out and rewrote the address, which could be the reason that it was taking slightly longer. He accepted this and we kept waiting.
I received my bank statement at the end of the month and realised that he hadn't sent me the money for this... Transaction? . Meaning that I was out money for this.
I brought this up, asking me if he could send me the money for this.
This is where the argument started.
He said that he wasn't going to give me the money for it for the following reasons -
He shouldn't have to pay because his was the one that hadn't shown up.
He couldn't understand why we had sent it in 3 packages and it was my fault that one hadn't got through.
I had made the mistake on the package and as such it was my fault it hadn't arrived.
He also stated that there was no proof there even was a package in the first place, implying I was lying to him and attempting to hustle him.
It was unfair that one had arrived to our house and it was mine rather than split
I appreciated that it was unfair and really I should have kept a closer eye on my finances because if I had asked him before any of them showed up then I would have been asking him to pay for the risk, rather than once it seemed that it wasn't showing up, where he was paying for nothing. However I did think it was unfair that this was his suggestion and I was down money because it hadn't gone his way and I felt he was just throwing excuses at me to justify not paying for it even though we were all aware we were paying for the possibility rather than the item.
The argument was for nothing as the day after we had shouted at each other, the package arrived.
However I still want to ask, was I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
y4sG0velWoc7qRZ3W7cnUBlbGVo6uafr | aitjtu | {
"description": "wearing a thong on the beach even though I'm a \"bigger\" girl...it caused a fight that's lasted over a month among my family",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for wearing a thong on the beach even though I'm a "bigger" girl...it caused a fight that's lasted over a month among my family. | **warning...warning...** THIS IS NOT A VALIDATION POST. I KNOW WHO I AM. I do not need validation from strangers. I want to know if I SHOULD have done something different and as such IF I should do something different the next time this type of thing comes up.
**preface:**
Some background is in order. I am one of four sisters. I am the second oldest. I have always been a bit a black sheep in that my genetics take after my mom's side of the family and I am much heavier than my sisters who are all spectacularly gorgeous, thin and athletic. I am "pretty" but I also weight 250lbs (which I was ashamed of for a long time, now I try to accept who I am which is why I don't mind saying it here).
Earlier in the year my dad mad a huge amount of money from selling some stock options at his work. His dream has always been taking a huge family vacation so my parents, myself, two of my sisters and their spouses and kids (all under 10) with my other single sister rounding it out are all on the trip. We were at an absolutely gorgeous beach resort for Christmas.
I decided since I've accepted my weight as it is, I was also going to not be ashamed and "cover up" like I used to. In fact, I figured "screw it, I'm 28 and was going to catch me a hot foreign dude on the trip. I'm showing some skin!" So I got three new swimsuits, one is a full on thong one piece, the other two are very "cheeky" bikinis.
**the incident:**
Maybe four days in I finally felt confident enough to wear the one piece without a sarong. when I got down to the beach with the rest of the family I took off my robe and laid down, first on my back. I could see my older sister just staring daggers at me and when I turned over to get some sun on my bum, she said something like "seriously Janey? There's kids here!" I asked her what she was talking about and she said that it was totally inappropriate that my ass was "hanging out." I told her I didn't appreciate her comment. She said she didn't appreciate me embarrassing her. I told her to take a look at our youngest sister (who is 19) and she was literally wearing a string bikini with mere inches of fabric that showed more of her ass than mine.
My oldest sister then told me that if I didn't understand the difference than there was something wrong with me. I asked her if it was because I was fat? She told me something really rude like "Janey this is why we don't have a relationship, you make everything fucking difficult." She then packed up her husband and kids and left the beach and I didn't see them until dinner that night.
**The fallout:**
My oldest sister didn't say a friendly word to me the entire rest of the trip. She has some wicked mean girl abilities and because of her I was pretty much isolated from my family from the rest of the trip. I did get to go to a few dinners but no one would tell me when they were going to the beach so for the rest of the trip I didn't see get to see or play with my nieces and nephews on the beach. It sucked and made me feel really sad, neglected and even guilty for standing my ground.
We all independently flew home and I have gotten emails from my oldest sister, my mom and my dad all saying that "your clothing choices essentially ruined a family vacation and we are so disappointed." Just on a lark I called my youngest sister and said something like "hey sis, crazy how our family is freaking out about thong swimwear, even though its the style everywhere now...huh!?" she responded with "what are you talking about? no one is freaking out about my swimwear." So yeah...they are again freaking out because I'm a bigger girl. Skinny girls can show their ass, fat girls can't.
Well to top all of this off, I just found out that my two sisters with kids are planning on meeting up in Destin for Spring Break because their kids had so much fun on the beach with each other. The trip has been mentioned to my younger sister, I don't think she's technically invited but I'm sure they wouldn't say no if she wanted to go. Guess who hasn't had the trip mentioned to them...even though I spoke with my other middle sister. Yup.
So did I cause all these by being the asshole by wearing the swimsuit of my choice? Or is this my family being shitty to me?
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
ndfWPOwMxwJSmiePEDzGoxSU6D9Hd8rX | 9uaxv1 | {
"description": "being too honest with people and calling them out when its none of my business",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being too honest with people and calling them out when its none of my business? | I’ve got a compulsion to offer my opinions/predictions whenever I feel the need (often)- to anyone and everyone, whether my opinion is asked for or not (almost never). Its not always negative and I'm just as liberal with honest praising, I reckon, but naturally, the critical comments are what people remember.
I don't think I'm smarter than anyone else and im conscious enough of my own loose morals to prevent me delivering anything too preachy - it's more about probability as I see it and a genuine caring and want for people to be better and happier than they are. My intention is just to give them the extra info and then it's up to them. I'm invariably ignored anyway, but frustratingly, my crystal ball is often on point.
For example, about a year ago I called my brother-in-law and strongly insisted he stop driving around in the middle of every other night, when he's on a 5+years suspended license for a previous drink+drug driving charge and in a car with obvious visible defects. No-one close to him had the nerve to tell him how dumb that was because they would be inconvenienced themselves if he didn't drive and because he's a big, scary looking guy and loses his temper if criticized. I'm not even that close to him, so I know it's out of line for me to do it- but who else will? I can't help it... I reminded him the chances were good he'll get thrown in jail when he inevitably gets pulled over for a defect or just a breath test. Worst case- and also probable- no insurance is covering him if he injures someone or damages another car etc. Sure enough, he hated me for telling him and it made no difference anyway- he didn't change anything and the dude is now in prison... what a fkn suprise.
It's not always so serious though- I enjoy chiming in for more trivial events too- like telling my wife the shitty plastic her food was heating on in the microwave is a bad idea. Or at dinner I told her shes filled our toddlers drinking cup up too high and he'll likely spill it everywhere (he did). And don’t start me when i’m in a room with religious people....These kinds of things happen multiple times every day and I know im raining on peoples parades but the thing is, I cannot, with good conscience, sit back and just let people 'learn the hard way', when I might have had the chance to intervene before the fact.
If I kept nagging about the same thing over and over, sure, I deserve a punch, but I gently nudge just one time and drop it. I don’t understand why people wouldn’t want me to do this. Btw, I certainly don’t do this as a ‘told you so’, ego-stroking excercise, as everyone i know thinks im as annoying AF and all my friends have dropped off- I assume this is why..
So? Is this the trait of someone that's honest and genuinely cares about the well-being of others (as intended), or am I a first -class irritating asshole?
Tl;dr?... look, I already edited the shit out of this, so I don't feel good about leaving the Cliff notes with no context, because I couldn't hold your attention an extra 3 minutes to read the thing -sorry
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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pT7NjOPZUazHbgnKWcSRZqAi7SZauJQk | b4bvot | {
"description": "wanting a stupid pun name for the team",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting a stupid pun name for the team? | So this is more of a question of if we are the assholes, since there are multiple people on my side. If we sound like dumb college kids with a shit sense of humor, it's because we totally are. No reason to deny it.
We have a small group that goes to trivia at a local bar every week, and we like to change our team name around just to keep it interesting. So one of our teammates and I decided that we should pick out something stupid and "punny", like one of those names that Bart makes Moe call out to the bar, since whatever we pick has to be read aloud from our sign up sheet. For context, I know the people who own the bar and I knew that the person reading it out would think it was hilarious.
We came up with a ton of extremely stupid names, mostly middle school level jokes like "Iva Biggun" and "Seymour Buttz", but one person in our group seemed genuinely upset about it, despite the rest of us loving the idea and laughing like idiots over every name. She basically said she refused to play with us if we picked anything even a little bit inappropriate because she didn't want to be associated with it, as though anyone in a bar is going to care past the initial laugh of having "Ivana Tinkle" read out loud. The owner of the bar was totally in on it too, he offered up "cordon blue balls", which the girl also got upset about, but the rest of us loved. Seriously regret not taking that name.
I felt bad about making her uncomfortable, but I think that she needs to loosen up a little. It's just a stupid name for a trivia team that would probably end up changed next week anyway. I don't want to call her TA, because she's genuinely a very sweet person, she's just super uptight about anything related to nsfw topics, while me and the others are really loose about it. We just wanted to have fun and get a laugh out of the other teams.
So are my other teammates and I assholes for trying to push for a name she wouldn't like?
Tldr; Everyone on trivia team wants an inappropriate pun for our team name except one person, who threatens not to play if we go with one. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
W62m2ulpYngIQwJjHtNQHwkXxOV1dYQN | aa63s8 | {
"description": "not wanting a second date",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting a second date? | English isn't my first language.
I'm a regular at my local bar and spend a lot of time drinking with familiar faces and watching the game there with friends. The other day a woman approached me there and started making small talk and we got to chatting fairly well. She was clearly flirting and I was interested at first, but she said "you can buy me a drink if you want" and I started laughing because it seemed so presumptuous. She must have thought I was playing around because we went back to talking and she invited me out for dinner the next night and I agreed.
We went to dinner and talked more and everything was going well until it came time to pay. The bills came and she didn't even reach for her wallet once, just looked at me expecting something. I told the server two bills and paid for my own and she just kind of stared at me then paid for her own. When we went our own ways I texted her and told her I didn't want a second date.
It put me off that her initial idea of flirting is by suggesting I buy her something, it didn't come across as if she seen us as equals, almost like I was expected to impress her even though it was her who approached me. Then when we went to dinner even though she invited me she expected me to pay automatically instead of splitting. She is otherwise very polite but it came across as very entitled like I had to pay for the privilege of her time or I'm expected to put her on a pedestal. It made me feel like she thought she was better than me. My friends say I am being an asshole, and so did she when I told her no second date. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
sqvP1JrDen9gnBB9Hd2yRx9cHvcv1cR4 | azzqcb | {
"description": "telling my doctor to stop talking",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my doctor to stop talking? | For context, this was my first appointment with him and this happened a few hours ago. Lately my eyesight's been going blurry on-and-off and I've been getting some nasty headaches here and there. He thought my eyesight is fine but instead I just suffer from migraines in general. He started listing off certain things that could cause someone to be more prone to migraines, one of which being drugs. I'm 16 now, and I've never touched drugs or had a sip of alcohol but he kept pushing drugs more than anything else he was talking about.
He was very clearly one of those old-fashioned folk, he kept starting all his lines with "This generation always *this*" and "This generation always *that*." (He's 72 to clear that up) Some of the things that he said were things like bad food choices, genetics (familial history of migraines), screen addiction, drugs, obesity.
He kept trying to talk to me, something that I somewhat found annoying but not enough for me to lash out. He asked me what I thought about Donald Trump and frowned when I said I didn't mind him (don't bother me about this please). In general he seemed super stubborn about his ideologies and thoughts and whatever he thought was right.
One line he said that really got me was "So maybe you shouldn't do any more drugs if you want to keep the migraines from getting worse."
After that I said "Do you think I'm doing drugs?"
"I didn't say that, I'm saying your generation is more likely to suffer from migraines because of your higher drug use."
My mom intervened before it could go any further and she apologized for my behavior and then berated me as we drove home. He didn't say much after I said that before saying I should get some glasses that could make migraines easier to deal with.
I do somewhat feel bad but I don't think I did anything wrong, it was moreso my mom guilting me into thinking I did something wrong. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
hpfRBC74wqpxYACC9wp320KFxLKmp17N | b9v47t | {
"description": "eating my friend's girlfriend's chips from moes",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for eating my friend’s girlfriend’s chips from moes. | My roommates went to moes for dinner last night. Fast forward 7 hours i’m high at 3am, I see an opened bag of moes chips on the table and I eat them. Morning comes, friend is furious I ate his girlfriend’s chips. I said I was sorry, offered some different chips I had in my room to her, but he claims I need to be punished. Says he’s dumping all my sugar out. He’s mostly mad that i don’t think it’s that deep, it’s just some chips. I would understand if I was eating his food every day, but we all do food separate in our apartment. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
RJje0BqeYnne4xvpmZPWrqLboYwTNv2M | aollew | {
"description": "arguing with my mom over shaving my arms",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for arguing with my mom over shaving my arms? | To start off, I am not old enough to move out so I am currently dependent on my mom.
I love my mom. She’s very hardworking and she does care for me. While we usually get along okay, we are both sometimes very stubborn people. I know from experience that my mom will absolutely not back down on even the smallest disagreements.
She told me earlier that she didn’t want me to shave my arms. I listen to my mom and I obey her every single day. I’ll make dinner when she tells me to, I’ll clean when she tells me to, I keep up with my studies and I am generally honest and respectful to her. But for me this was going too far because it’s my body and shaving my arms will have 0 impact on my future.
I told her that I shave my arms to feel more comfortable with myself. She accused me of wanting to conform to society, and that “God” created me so that I can be myself. I replied back asking if that was the case, then why does my mom always wax her eyebrows and pluck her unwanted facial hair. She told me facial hair is okay but arm hair isn’t. I asked her why since their the same thing.
It went back and forth like that for a long time and things got really heated. She told me that I’m an ungrateful daughter and I never listen to anything she said, she said in the future I’ll be drinking and smoking and going completely off the rail.
I understand her argument. Her house, her rules. But I feel like as a mother she rarely ever takes my interests into heart. She’s happy and complacent whenever I tell her about my achievements but she’ll never go out of her way to let me have something that would make ME happy. With her it’s always like, what would SHE want, what would SHE like to be happy, and it’s so exhausting that I wish for once she’d let me have one thing I want that isn’t necessary or that she feels obligated to do as a parent.
So AITA? Should I obey her or assert my own boundaries?
Thank you so much in advance. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
vzwBWUFnQlnhmmkxMvlSlZsQluTKvVDU | a1nzl5 | {
"description": "not going to a surprise party for a friend if its held on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for not going to a surprise party for a friend if its held on my birthday? | WIBTA? For clarity, I am kind of a people pleaser. I have struggled with self love for a while and I don't know if this would make me a bad person. There's a girl named Sydnie. She hasn't been friends with me for a while for a few reasons. I stood up for an ex she was constantly talking bad about, and she even had people join in and bash him as a group. Anyway, she took upon talking to me (very rarely) and would show basic manners and talk to me about some school related issues. Today she decided to hand me an invitation. She had organized a surprise birthday party for a mutual friend. The mutual friend's birthday was on December 12th. Since they wouldn't be able to celebrate during the week, Sydnie must have decided to do it during the weekend. I thought it sounded kind of fun until I looked at the date and my heart sank. She scheduled it for the 16th, which is my birthday. I felt very malcontent with everything and decided I'd rather not go. I felt like she was basically trying to ignore my birthday and just act like a jerk. I saw her after class, talked to her and told her that I might not be able to go. She said "okay" and then walked away. Do you think that I'm the asshole for deciding not to go? Given, I would go if it were a mutual celebration.
TLDR: A girl who treated me badly invited me to a friend's party since it couldn't be celebrated on weekday. I don't feel like going to the party because it's on my birthday | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
VuydSKvTCDkPv1fy5m0Pv2K1svT97J85 | b8tvs9 | {
"description": "pushing my depressed friend away",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pushing my depressed friend away? | So this is a situation that has been going on for years and I really don't know what to do about it anymore or if I have been handling it well or not, some people have told me I'm a bad friend and some people have told me I should just walk away but that's why I want to ask you guys what you think.
So I met this guy online around five years ago, at the time I was really depressed, living on a bad home and experiencing PTSD from a previous abusive relationship. I liked this guy and after talking regurlaly for a while we started dating, which only lasted a couple moths. I honestly liked him more as a friend and broke up, but durying this time I dropped my last year of highschool since I was experiencing a lot of anxiety attacks in class due to my PTSD. He wasn't happy with highschool either so he dropped off as well. I finished highschool after taking a break for a year and got help from a therapyst, he didn't.
Ever since he has stayed at his mom's home, playing videogames all day, not even going outside his house and just constantly complaining about his life being terrible and being horribly depressed. For five years of friendship I've listened to his problems and to his depressive thoughts and tried to give him advice, cheer him up and telling him that if he tries hard enough to maybe finish highschool or get a job he can solve his problems. He just keeps using being depressed as an excuse to even go out of his house.
After some point these went from talks to just arguments, and since then he argues with everyone about anything, if someone doesn't agree with him about something he will argue about it.
A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend and I tried to play something with him but almost as soon as the call started, he started to argue with my boyfriend about the new Steam chat update??? since then we agreed to not invite him to play with us anymore.
Tonight I decided to play with him because he said he needed someone to distract him from his depressive thoughts, even though I had just woken from a nap after having a wonderful day I said yes. After a while of just playing and talking about things it happened again, he brought up being sad and we had yet another argument about him hating his life and me encourage him to do something to make it better, at some point my game crashed and I said that I wanted to go to bed. He got upset because I wouldn't stay up with him and I just said ''You know, you being like this doesn't help me want to stay up with you at all'', he said that he knows and we just said goodnight.
I feel bad for pushing him away for being depressed but at the same time I've been trying to help him out with this for years now and he has still done nothing to get better.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
54QjPK8zkHJboII684xLxCgWS6MqODa5 | b3w0m8 | {
"description": "getting mad at my mum for telling my dad's personal business",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at my mum for telling my dad's personal business | AITA
Backstory: my mum and dad divorced when I was one. My dad got married to a new woman about 5 years ago.
So basically my dad confided in me that him and his wife have separated and will he going through divorce soon. He didn't want his parents knowing or anyone close to them as they are going through some issues at the moment and they don't need anymore stress. He said I could tell my mum as long as I told her not to tell anyone. So naturally I go home and she asks how he is and I tell her about the situation. I mention here that I'm telling her but she's not allowed to mention it to anyone. This was 2 nights ago.
Cut to tonight and she's on the phone to her mum talking about it. I get pissed about this but don't say anything. After she gets of the phone I tell her that what she did wasn't nice and I specifically told her not to tell. She proceeded to get mad and say its her mum she won't tell anyone it's not a big deal. I feel like this a major deal but she made me feel like an ass for getting mad so am I the ass hole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AQfIO8oMoNROVkRYdYPbhHOqvHYKuc1m | 9y36gl | null | AITA uFor not doing my co-workers job while she smokes? | Some background, I (19m) just graduated high school and I work at a local restaurant as a cook. I have been there for a little under a year. For the most part I enjoy my job except for a few of my co-workers who don’t enjoy me much either.
One of our managers has hired 3 of his kids to do various jobs at the restaurant. 2 of them are cooks, and one of them is a waiter. I’m actually really close with one of the cooks, but the other two siblings can’t stand me. Neither can the manager who hired them (their father).
One night, it was the cook I am close to, her sister who doesn’t like me, and myself working in the kitchen. The restaurant was hosting a party where food was already made and the cooks didn’t really have to do anything. However, the dishwashers were slammed with dishes once dinner service was over. It was only 2 people on dish that night, so I went over to the dish station and started helping them.
The cooks started to get a few orders from people who weren’t part of the party, but nothing crazy. The cook who doesn’t like me decides that this is the best time to take a smoke break and tells me to go help the other cook on the line. She had only been there about a month and holds no management position of any kind. I said something like, “Sure, let me stop what I’m doing so you can go smoke.” She replies by saying she is “done being mistreated” and leaves when she was supposed to close that night.
I continued helping the dishwashers until they were caught up and then went back on the line with the cook I’m close with. The rest of the night went smoothly. This incident was about a month ago, and the cook that stormed off has insisted she won’t work with me again. That would be fine with me but her dad is the manager, so he has cut back my hours drastically so I won’t work with his daughter. She was not punished for just leaving and not finishing her shift, and she has not stopped trash talking about me to my other co-workers since then.
Her sister that I’m close with agrees that I was not in the wrong for this, but am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
5m0jGleQSkKwEnsjqiXHXjax7MGXr1OL | a97qnj | {
"description": "not wanting to visit my Matchmaker MIL",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to visit my Matchmaker MIL? | I recently posted about this is in a relationship advice subreddit but the post was seen by someone who recognized some of the details so I took it down. What are the odds? Anon for privacy sake.
Fiance and I been together for 2 years, engaged for a few months. I love his family and they all seem to return the affection - except for his mom. His mom had set him up with her neighbor/close (younger) friend prior to our deciding to date exclusively and he ended it with the neighbor/friend when things got serious between us. Mom, however, can't seem to accept it and for the past year has continued to work her neighbor into conversation at least once EVERY SINGLE TIME we speak to or see her. The last time it was to relay a "Merry Christmas" message from the girl - albeit in code this time. Whereas she usually uses her first name she went with "(insert first initial, last name) said to wish you a Merry Christmas and tell you she wishes you well" while knowingly on speaker. Mind you at this point, we had been staying at her house to cat sit for her for 3 fucking weeks to help her out, so I'm assuming she knew she was being an asshole but couldn't fully resist.
That last time was the final straw for me. Something about the coded reference did it. In the past I've chosen to ignore it - she once called the girl from my couch in our home, on speaker and I breathed through the disrespect and let it go. I get mad, vent to the fiance about the disrespect and then drop it. I'm not a person who can stay mad and have never been capable of holding a grudge and I've chosen for my own happiness to ignore it and play nice. She's entitled to her feelings and I get to some degree that she'd prefer her son marry a woman she has known for years and is very close to. But the disrespect is so blatant and I don't feel like I should have to tolerate it anymore.
We're supposed to be going to his moms house for the holidays and I've let him know I'm not going and that I'm done putting forth effort where his mom is concerned. I will never be disrespectful or rude (and he knows it's not my style to be). She would have no idea that I've thrown in the towel, I just refuse to inconvenience myself soley to make her happy anymore when she can't even give me the respect of a single conversation without bringing the "ex" up. And going to her house for another couple days after being gone from ours for so long to help her out would be inconvenient to me. He's upset and feels like it's not right on my part and makes excuses for his mom, ad nauseum. He says he gets it and agrees that it's disrespectful but rather than support my decision he's chosen to argue that I'm being an asshole and says it's not fair of me to not be willing to see her for Christmas. We're currently not even speaking because we can't seem to reconcile the difference. So as not to offend by the no show, I've told him we can go with me being sick. Going forward, we will absolutely see her but I will no longer be openly suggesting get togethers nor doing the things I've done in the past like send her pics and keep open dialogue (which she often ignores) and encouraging him to reach out to her. He's on his own there.
Am I the asshole, Reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
ODId6T7eDXYujGryz0yzRzQs7I4c0XCB | b5ga99 | {
"description": "getting after my boyfriend about his driving",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting after my boyfriend about his driving? | We’ve been together for two months and hang out almost every day just because we get along so well - but his driving honestly freaks me out. He’s not the worst and I’m not one to talk because still I have to get my license, but the only time I really snap at him is when he is on the freeway or tailgating other people. I honestly feel very bad about the way I act, but he’s adamant that I’m not an AH, I’m just a jerk/mean when I criticize him.
I tend to be very afraid on the roads because of a childhood experience that very easily could’ve killed me and my mom (thanks, dad) and I’ve expressed that to him, but I just can’t get him to realize that HE’S the bad driver. For instance, he was driving today and braked hard because the driver in front of us - in his words - “braked too hard for some reason.” We weren’t even on the highway, it wasn’t that busy of a road, and yet he was RIGHT BEHIND THE GUY for no good reason and the guy in front barely braked to make a turn!
I snapped and said “if you weren’t tailgating the fuckin’ guy you wouldn’t have had to brake like that!” He went quiet, and I continued: “Drive like this by yourself, not with me.” (My tone was definitely very attacking - wasn’t the most constructive way to criticize it.) He went quiet for the next few minutes until I apologized.
On the highway, we live in a very populated city so it can be VERY chaotic - but he drives so aggressively and fast and nearly rear ended 3 (!) people and I honestly screamed at him a couple times because he wouldn’t stop putting us in bad situations like that. He always makes excuses for his driving, won’t admit when he’s wrong, and I don’t feel very safe, but I also know I can be intense. Is it bad to criticize his driving so much? Is there a better way to get him to stop driving like a jerk? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
um7vDbztT6yIvLsCw1CpyR65rEnLG5i3 | ay9j7j | {
"description": "making my friend pay for a school computer I had thathe broke",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for making my friend pay for a school computer I had thathe broke? | My friend and i were fooling around during a break at school, and we were having a bit too much fun. Long story short he ended up tackling me and i landed on the ground facing up. My backpack was on my back at this time, and i didnt notice the broken computer untio my next class. When i arrived and opened my computer, the screen was obliterated. Not physically cracked but some board in the screen definitely broke. I had previously broken another computer (owned by the school as well, but we had insurace. so repairs were free). I figured that logically, the fall broke it, so I'd tell my friend he broke my computer and we'd get it fixed without any issue.
So, later i approach my friend and tell him about the incident. I show him the computer and he says "You don't have any proof that the fall broke it" and he said he wouldnt pay for the repairs. He later said that "(my name) I hope you realise I did nothing wrong I guess karmas a bitch" (exact words).
Side Note: The computer was quite old, so repairs would most likely be purchasing a whooe new computer. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
LjuBvTRbUNdwKIEnV4FOoneOroq3ANbl | a5zudl | null | AITA: paid friend to clean house with certain requirements. Requirements not met. Flipped out. | To provide some important backstory: I own a
farm in the country. I have 21 dogs, and a few of them are human aggressive. People who come onto my property are under very strict instructions on which dogs to interact with. I have a breeding pair of dogs whose puppies are worth 2500 a pup.
I have a friend who I offered to let move into one of my spare rooms, RENT FREE, as long as she handled all the cleaning. She hemmed and hawwed, said she didnt know because she wants to have people over a lot and I wont allow that, the internet is bad, etc. In my head I was like wow this is so rude, this is an excellent offer and you're just bitching about it. I offered this a month ago and she is still deciding. One of her reservations, which I agree with, is that she likes having people over whenever she wants at her current apartment and I won't allow that. People can come over, with prior planning and approval.
So she has a friend and his girlfriend. I like the friend but DO NOT like the gf. When the gf was at my house she insinuated wanting to steal Wade (expensive dog) because I "overcharge" on his future puppies. She also taunted Rajiv (my most aggressive dog) after I said specifically "do not interact with her. She wont touch you if you leave her be, but if you mess with her she will bite you. Just walk around her.". She kept tapping at Rajiv's butt and running away and laughing. So I said, this girl is not allowed on my property. I dont want a dog stolen and I don't want her getting mauled or killed by one of my animals.
So I told my friend, look the place is a mess due to my recent surgery and I need it cleaned. I will give you 400 dollars to clean it and unpack some stuff I have. She said can I invite my friend to help. I said yes but not his girlfriend. The cleaning needs to be done Thursday (today) while I'm at medical appointments. Do not use the dishwasher, it is broken.
I get home this afternoon and the house has maybe 1/6th the cleaning done. The dishes are in the dishwasher, not clean. My friend is here, and so are her friend AND HIS FUCKING GIRLFRIEND. I lost my shit. Asked why the girl was here and she responded rather snottily. Said I wasnt asking her, I was asking my friend who said she insisted she come. I DON'T FUCKING CARE. I told the girlfriend to leave and she bitched so I called one of the dogs over and had him growl at her and she scampered.
At no point did my friend say sorry, just defended herself. I gave her 50 bucks for the cleaning they did and made them leave. I then texted her saying the move in offer is rescinded and I am absolutely furious. She keeps complaining. I laid into her and texted about how I feel disrespected, I am angry and hurt, I'm now really fucking screwed because i needed this cleaning done, etc.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 15
} | RIGHT |
HMe5lBhRNKeP2onZHSL1NQF6NyBXjgZ3 | ahp8qg | {
"description": "refusing to give spoilers",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to give spoilers? | So my sister usually puts on some TV shows as background noise when she's doing other stuff in the same room, and one particular show she tends to put on it one that I watch ahead of time through... other means. Occasionally I'll make some kind of noise at a line of dialogue, which makes her curious. When she'd ask why I made the noise I would just say that it's a spoiler. She would ask me about it but I would keep my mouth shut since I generally don't like spoiling movies and shows and such. This would usually lead to her insisting on me telling her, but I would keep refusing. This mostly ends in an argument.
Tl;dr, should I just tell people spoilers when they ask for them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
k10oEVVU9rIz0I7mp0Z9Q2V0EzhEIsYg | ap3ncc | {
"description": "not letting homeless friend stay over anymore",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting homeless friend stay over anymore? | For a bit of context and back story, I'm a single bisexual guy and live in a studio apartment on the third floor of my apartment complex, rent is cheap, or at least low enough to allow me a significant amount of disposable income. I share my place with my two dogs, whom I walk often when I'm there and whenever they need to run downstairs to do their needs when I'm home. Needless to say the place is slightly cramped between me and my old puppers. On tje nights I work, I allow one.of the neighbors to keep them(pay them fairly of course even if sometimes I need to convince them to accept tje money) and sometimes I go to my sister's place and drop them off for the night or a day or two so they see mother, my sister and her kids. They love it.
I've been doing this since I moved out back in 2011 at the age of 19.
I know it seems odd I don't have a place of my own at my age now, but for reasons I can't disclose, let's say I'm not eligible for land ownership of any kind at the moment.
Anywho, back when I moved out I focused on college for a while to pursue a career in the medical field but dropped it once I realized I would not be able to practice said career if I were to go through with it(at least at the time)... So instead settled for becoming an rn(registered nurse) and decided to leave things at that.
During those college years I met a group of friends, we all shared similar interests, but also differing beliefs and opinions, and some of us stood in different sides of the political spectrum which often led to.minor argumemts.
We all are in a private but local messaging group, and back in early 2017 I met the person I'm referring to in the title. Now, full disclosure, that private server has a lot of nsfw content in it, and by that I mean nudes, videos and what not... And that's pretty much how I met said person who I will refer to as x from now on.
X was 18? I think, maybe 19?, we all needed to be 18 to go tp the group parties.
One time back in mid 2017 X was at a party the group owner was hosting, so was I and a few other close friends, along with a good amount of other people. I talked to X for a while, played videogames with him and thought it was a good interaction.
Needless to say once it got dark the party turned sexual and that was my queue to leave.
X stayed behind, but we kept talking over text. We talked every day after that and got close enough for him to start venting and telling me all he.was going through.
We kept talking for a few months and kept seeing esch other at parties, as usual whenever the party went from games and movies to pretty much free for all orgy time I'd take my leave.
On the group, pictures and videos of X kept getting posted by him and the people he'd hook up with, to the point X was now known as the group's sex toy.
Which I didn't care for the most part, his life and decisions were his alone after all.
That kind of changed when X opened up to having problems with the relatives he stayed with because of parental issues. He'd bring up how he was basically homeless and couch surfing and that he had to stay with friends here and there and certain people from the group.
In August 2017 I offered him to stay at my place when he needed to from there on, which was sometimes several days at the time.
It was alright, at first that is. I'd end up driving him around, to doctor appointments and to his lgbt support group. I'd then take him to the next person he'd be staying with for the next set of days. Most of these were 50 minutes to and from, which sometimes made me question my own words when I ordered to help him out.
It soon became a routine where he'd just stay with me and a few other people in.the group. Mostly the guys and a very liberal couple.
He was very clean, and would clean the studio very well, far more than I did if I had to be honest. He would also cook for me in the mornings after I came home from work, so that was nice I suppose.
He'd lounge about in female lingerie or dressed. overly femenine and offer sex favors now and then, but I'd refuse them out of slight prejudice and slight disgust because of THE AGE GAP MIND YOU, not to mention his sex partners count was hundreds of times higher than mine, and there was also the issue of me taking him to get tested way too often, but probably him being poly had a major role in my decision not to accept. He.was quite good looking, I suppose. Very androgynous.
I knew he let the other guys sex him when he stayed with them, but I wasn't interested in any of that, and also saw it to be wrong and almost as if it was taking advantage of his situation if I accepted the offers.
One thing I didn't mention was, he had no job, and while I was raised to never argue over food and water, and while he'd try and ask me to use his aid stamps, I simply didn't see it to be right to use them and instead let him use them with the others. However, what I did mind was... That he had no interest in finding a job, or a permanent place to stay or call his own.
I'd take him to pick up applications close by, even offered to put in word with one of the many nursing places I'd worked and volunteered since highschool. But he'd often say how he wasn't cut out to work in general and that if he could fimd someone to stay and pay with sex and cleaning he'd be happy.
Every now and then I'd find the applications unfilled or folded, and when asked about it he'd respond with a simple I'm sorry I'll try later.
This went on between late 2017 and the entirety of 2018.
Last November, he was offered access into an lgbt program that would let him have his owm apartment and job opportunities, but... He refused on the basis that it wouldn't let him be free to do things he liked, such as smoking and vaping weed, having to dress appropriately for job interviews as well as having to.be at the place every day by a certain time and no guests over night... So no sex life or so he complained.
I was livid. I couldn't fathom why he'd let go such an opportunity. Even if it had drawbacks, just acceot it, make the most of it and when you are economically stable enough just move again.
It's not like it was any different from living witg me, no people over on days I work, and while I'm ok with drugs, I did ask not to have any at my place, the last thing I needed was to get jailed for possession of drug paraphernalia.
I wanted to say something, but everyone in the group kept congratulating him and spoiling him. Specially the liberal couple that kept saying how brave he was and went as far as taking him to get new clothes right after.
December and January go by and things are back to.the same routine, but I was just tired of him, of his attitude towards his situation. Of him caring more about a good fuck and dressing as a girl instead of fixing his situation.
They were enabling him. I was enabling the behavior and instead of helping him I was just making things worse for him at this point.
I stopped doing things and took him in when I could, provided him food, internet and electricity. I never once asked of him more than I saw fit, never saw him in a sexual manner and was accepting of his kinks and sex life.
He was offered a part time job early January, but he declined it because he didn't like the hours... I asked him to reconsider but that went nowhere.
I was really saddened by it and things were awkward for a few days until he stayed with someone else. He posted pictures of him partying and having sex in the group, petty normal behavior for him, but it made me boil with anger. He was acting like usual despite his situation.
I texted him.I couldn't let him stay over anymore, and that he was welcome to come and pick his things up, which he did. He didn't make a scene or anything when he came over, did try and offer sex again, but he knew my stance on that kind of thing.
Later I found myself uninvited to the upcoming dnd group gathering and parties, and the friends I had have blocked me.
So now I'm here writing this at 5:50am, still saddened the friends I thought I had are now just acquaintances or maybe less than so from the looks of it.
There were many things I would have said, but they lean on politics and I don't feel like bringing those up. Though I feel they'd bring some more context to the situation.
TL;DR
Let "homeless" friend stay with me on and off for a little over a year. Friend never bother to better himself despite my efforts. Circle of friends encouraged his behavior and I had enough. Told him he couldn't stay with me anymore and now I've been pushed out of my circle of friends. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RsybCTY22Vh2JxMPGXdPwNfJ5PqmFGAY | aw1fym | {
"description": "calling a student a brat",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for calling a student a brat | Throwaway because the last thing I need is a student finding my account.
We're 6months into the school year and I see these kids practically everyday. I'm a pretty young teacher but try to keep it very professional. I have a reputation of being a really sweet teacher but with high expectations and strict with cussing (important). I put in a lot of extra time to help my students with grades. Also I have to admit this class has grown on me! They are funny and really bright. I adore my kids and have a great rapport with them however ..... they are still kids (16yo).
MS:Mad Student
Me: Me
This morning one of them was complaining about homework so I laughed and say "oh quit being a brat and just get it done" and just keep on dealing with the 20 other kids turning it in. Maybe about 30seconds later he says...
MS: "Hold on! WHAT did you call me?.... Did you called me a brat?!"
Me: I looked at him kinda confused "yeahhh"
MS: "That's messed up! If I was being disrespectful fine but YOU are being disrespectful by calling me names like that"
Me: "I'm sorry if you felt I disrespected you....those weren't my intentions. I meant it playfully not mean"
MS: "How would you feel if I called you the B word??"
-Other students joined in saying for him to calm down and it's not the same
MS: very stern at them "Y'all shut up! This doesn't concern you!"
Me: "Whoa I don't feel like thats the same level. Again, I didn't mean to offend you. If you took it that way I apologize. I'd never purposely offend any of y'all. Actually I have the habit of calling my little sister a brat ... and she's my favorite person in the world. I don't see it as a "bad word" but if you see it as such... I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk like that to a student."
He seems to have accepted my apology but I really feel like am the asshole. He typically verrrrry chill so I feel like I must have really hurt his feelings. My teacher friend at lunch told me not to worry about it but I feel bad. Did I cross the line by calling him a Brat? AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
qvozHUtsheglSwkBjn2Tpue6GkWE0KCe | at07oa | {
"description": "telling my friends about leaving boxing",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friends about leaving boxing? | So basically I stopped being a competitive boxer after 6 years of training because I didn't like it, and I asked my closest boxer friends for support. (they live in different cities) After telling my coach on monday that I wanted to train for myself, yesterday, he told me to sit down and straight up scolded me because a coach from a different city called him to ask if it's true that I'm leaving. He asked me why the hell I told everyone about this, to which I replied "I just told S." (S is a friend whose city's coach is the one that called my coach) My coach said that I shouldn't have told anybody, because in that case he could have just told everyone that I'm sick or can't compete because of other reasons, but now I'm just worsening our gym's reputation. "I thought you had brains." is the last thing he said.
Afterwards he was noticably mad during the training session, and for the first time ever, didn't give me tasks and didn't even look if I did my tasks right.
So, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9ue3JHR71t9dP5tADevsaHEIpHBDocWz | b92aan | {
"description": "getting angry and yelling at my wife for secretly giving me laxatives",
"pronormative_score": 78,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting angry and yelling at my wife for secretly giving me laxatives? | So I've been on the keto diet for the past couple of months and it has been great. More energy and weight loss. The only downside so far is I have been getting constipated fairly regularly. I told my wife about this a week or so ago and yesterday I had violent diarrhea. I started taking fiber supplements to make me go but I didn't think it would give me violent diarrhea. The kind of diarrhea that you start praying for it to stop.
​
When I finished up after what felt like an eternity I went to check the fiber capsules for any warnings. I went on to see the product on Amazon to see if maybe someone had the same reaction as me but no mentions of diarrhea. I finally told my wife and she started laughing at my frantic story. I started getting pissed asking her why she was laughing and she confessed she might have put too much laxative powder in my protein shake.
​
I got so angry I started yelling at her and she got defensive saying she was just trying to help me. So do you think I'm overreacting? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 74,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 78,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
WBz4nSQHxvztSqMroRFCBEReEJFkvMPk | aeh0no | {
"description": "being annoyed at my boyfriend constantly making comments on any women we watch on tv",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being annoyed at my boyfriend constantly making comments on any women we watch on tv. | AITA for getting annoyed/being offended by my boyfriends comments.
Context - whenever we watch a show or movie, if there is an average or above girl he ALWAYS has to comment on their looks. At times he will make even more dramatic comments such as “if you were dating someone that good looking you must know if you broke up she’d be able to move on so fast” which feels like an absolute slap in the face.
He will also make comments like “ohhhhh” or “mmmm” if he sees a good looking girl on television. I get it, I get it, this is something you’d do with your mates but seriously, when it’s just him and I - it seems so unnecessary! He even occasionally goes as far as going to their Instagram and scrolling for 20 minutes or so through their pictures (this is on the computer which is hooked up to the tv so I have to watch).
I’m totally open to the fact that I could be way to sensitive and if so I want to know. I just would think that if someone really loved you and cared about your feelings they might not be so quick to offend you. I’ve told him before that it feels like a slap in the face and hurts but he just keeps doing it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
NWnJxCgGKNacU1ZjuqEOSi1rpiO7DyPf | anj5hz | {
"description": "telling my personal trainer I didn't want to work out with older women",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my personal trainer I didn't want to work out with older women? | This is on mobile so please forgive formatting issues.
A few months ago I went from a very active job to a desk job and put on a little weight. I haven't been really happy with this so a few weeks ago I started going to a gym and meeting with a personal trainer.
It was going great until the gym changed its rules on how many clients a personal trainer had to take to train at this gym. From what I've heard it's hard for them to keep up and there is no shortage of people wanting to work with trainers, hence why they have become more demanding with numbers.
The issue I'm having is I pay for one on one training with G. It's been going really well and I am losing weight but after the gym changed it's rules, she is double booking/triple booking her time slots. My time slot is a popular one and so for 3 sessions now I have had to work out with 2 older women (late 50's early 60's) who simply cannot keep up with someone who's 21. I feel like I'm losing momentum in my work out as I spend a lot of time standing around waiting for them. I have asked G to move me on without them but she refuses because she doesn't want to explain the same thing twice.
WIBTA if I asked G to not double book my time slot and/or book me with someone more my speed? WIBTA if I went to the gym and asked for a different trainer if she refuses?
Td;lr WIBTA for not wanting to share my one on one time with a personal trainer with older woman who can't keep up with me? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qPlRD1PfvLP4dMVuqQHpWUoFHltcxcZe | aknf8d | {
"description": "being 'racist' to my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being 'racist' to my girlfriend? | I was talking to my GF last night (I'm white, she's black) and we were playfully roasting each other. She was going on about my hair, etc, and grilling me for not responding and roasting her. I said "what's up with your flat ass nose, then?" and she laughed. Then she said "it's because I'm black, right?" (still laughing, etc) and I said "damn straight, can't believe you pulled the race card on me".
Then she went silent and told me that I turned down a road I can't back up on. She hung up so I texted her that I was sorry and that I absolutely didn't mean to offend her but she told me that ignorance wasn't an excuse and we haven't spoken since.
Literally got no idea what I did wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
3yfJz9pO8rV8tq264bPP0cDnrljWWCSR | artmpv | {
"description": "not taking a dog that I was lied to about into my home",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not taking a dog that I was lied to about into my home? | I know this sounds much more simple in the title than it really is, but me and my girl friend feel like we’re going crazy.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and her, her mom, and her family have literally helped me out of such a deep situation. I love these people more than anything and I would do anything for them.
This morning, my girlfriend had a message from her mother asking (more so telling) us to pick up some stuff from a few different locations and to keep a dog for 2 weeks. We live in an apartment and can’t keep unregistered pets. After telling her that we had plans that would be derailed if we had to take care of a dog, and providing her with the reasons for why we were apprehensive, she wouldn’t take no for an answer. We hesitantly obliged because she’s done so much for us.
We get home with the dog hours later believing it was house trained and come to find out, it has fleas, and her mother knew. She gave the dog a flea bath that morning and a flea pill, but it was still scratching and its cage and bed hadn’t been washed. We also have a cat which I would rather not have getting fleas on top of our house becoming infested. Then, we go into the bed room to find the dog had peed on the bed. And the shower mat. And the entire, carpeted floor leading to those spots. I had just walked the dog before the car ride, which was to be fair, over an hour long. But we had previously been told it was used to being created for 12 hours and WOULD NOT go in the house.
Her mother is now slightly perturbed that we want to bring the dog back to her so that we don’t risk our apartment being ruined. AITA?
Sorry for any errors, I’m on mobile. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ageqy4L0YODFz2r889dbK6vc0lujfoUN | adr8f7 | {
"description": "telling my family that my condom slipped off during sex with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for telling my family that my condom slipped off during sex with my gf? | Me and my girlfriend were having sex in her car and I noticed the condom slipped off midway through. I put on another one and finished up but we were both worried that maybe precum could get her pregnant since I wasn't exactly sure when it fell off, so we discussed briefly the options for pregnancy before she dropped me off home. After I got home my family could tell I was stressing so they pressed me on what was up, I broke and told them the situation asking for advice.
​
I told my girlfriend I told them and she found it awkward and uncomfortable, she was mad that I didn't talk more to her about it if I was so worried and that I ran to talk my family instead. She was mad because she says I didn't think about how she felt about me telling my family. So, am I the asshole? I understand communication is key but I really just cracked under the stress and pressure of them questioning why I was acting so weird. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
0IYd5HpxkTqots71SDTvVaSkfhwOI261 | ascs3q | {
"description": "calling my friend out for continuing to talk trash about me in front of my other friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling my friend out for continuing to talk trash about me in front of my other friend? | Before I go into the story, here's a little context. I found a group of people on my PS4 that I've started to play with a lot recently, and I had invited a friend I knew in real life, let's call him Josh, to our group. I've known Josh for a few years, and he's been an alright guy, but could get very negative at times. So here's the story.
Our group, including myself, were playing a game when Josh joined our party. Everything was fine until about 5 minutes after we started playing, when Josh started to insult me by saying "No wonder they asked me to play, you're complete ass" and "No surprise you got left out of our team", since there could only be 3 people on a team and there were 4 of us. Josh went on for a few more minutes, cracking more trash talk on that level, when I snapped at him and told him to stop talking trash and to shut up. After every game they played for about 45 minutes, I'd ask who I would switch out with in the group, and Josh would either outright ignore me or tell me he didn't know or care. After that 45 minutes or so, I told him to stop wasting my time and asked if he could swap out for me. He only continued to talk trash to me, and I told him that I couldn't take anymore of his trash talk, since at that point the entire night was ruined for me because of the negativity that already happened. He laughed at me and told me to "man up", and to stop being a pussy. I kept trying to tell him I don't want him to talk that way to me anymore, but he just kept calling me a crybaby and to man up. At that point, I just told him to f**k off and to stop talking to me anymore. He then told me his trash talk was "Just a joke", but how could it be funny if nobody laughed or liked it? At that point I just got off, and afterwards one of my teammates messaged me to apologize for his behavior and how he acted.
AITA for the way I reacted to Josh and his trash talk? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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JJhGxl2BDDxy3b5qyBYK3Fb0eQLiZL1x | b3uffy | {
"description": "hating his fiance's favorite cologne and asking him not wear it",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hating his fiance's favorite cologne and asking him not wear it? | Okay, so my fiance recently picked up a bottle Aeropostale Maximum (because apparently I'm marrying a high school jock?) He knows I can't stand it because he always over-applies (No Aeropostale cologne needs three spritzes, what is this, a boy's locker room?) and it gives me a headache and makes me feel like I'm suffocating in the scent. I've asked him not to wear it and he still insists on wearing it, claiming that I'm being unreasonable. Am I the asshole? Can a compromise be reached where maybe he spritzes it outside instead of the bedroom? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2VYMdlIKw6rRX2oBPy98Iz8M67dkNyzf | b87wir | {
"description": "refusing to chip in gas money for a road trip",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA if I refuse to chip in gas money for a road trip? | A few weeks ago my roommate and I drove to Chicago for St. Patrick's Day. Usually for these trips, I would split the cost of gas with him, because he uses his car and it wouldn't be fair to ask him to front the cost of gas. We try to split everything and be as fair as possible. During the day, he told me that a friend of his was flying in from O'Hare Airport and wanted a ride from there back to our school, and if he gave her a ride then she would pay for gas.
So, his friend paid for the gas and tolls and we all drove back together. I thought that that meant the expense was taken care of, but he told me that I still need to pay for half the gas, even though his friend covered the entire thing herself. I told him that that didn't make sense cause neither of us put any money in so there was no cost to split, her friend covered the whole thing. He told me if it weren't for her then I would have had to pay so it's only fair if I still give my half. We changed the subject and I thought he forgot about the whole thing until today when in the middle of the day I saw he put in the cost of gas and tolls into the splitter app that we had.
I suspect that this is happening because he just ran out of all his spending money from his summer job, and he also currently owes me $40 total so he can't really pay me back. I've also been able to get gift cards from my parents that we used to buy things for our room, and I never tried to still charge him half the cost of these items, since I thought if we managed to get a deal on something then we both share the benefit of saved money. I have a job I work on campus for spending money so I also could really easily eat the cost of this, it's just the principle of it that bothers me. If he told me at the end of the school year that he couldn't afford to pay me back, I would happily forget about whatever he owes me, but this just feels like he's trying to rip me off.
He's always been a really honest and straightforward guy, so I'm just trying to see if I'm missing something or wrong about this. Am I the asshole if I explain again why I think this is unfair and refuse to pay half the cost of gas, or should I just drop it?
**tl;dr** Roommate and I usually split the cost of things. He got his friend to pay for gas for a trip but still wants me to pay "my half" of the cost of the gas. I don't think this is fair. Am I the asshole if I refuse to pay this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 15
} | RIGHT |
5rmc3NASA8deIdHEM9AVbJWolMBPusWr | b6ki2h | {
"description": "not wanting friendship after she left me",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting friendship after she left me? | Ok, so this is my first post here and really my first major post of any kind on Reddit. Here goes....
At the beginning of February I started seeing this lovely lady that I had met on a dating website. We talked for a few days and we got along great and had plenty to talk about. We spent time with each other several times a week and things were going great.
At the beginning of March I caught the flu. She came over, took care of me, I was very appreciative of her. For some reason, she wanted to have sex. Why she wanted to while I was feeling like I was on the verge of death of beyond me. Being the person I am, and wanting to cater to my partners every want and need, I said sure. So we’re in the middle of this and I can’t get it up. I’ve never had a problem with ED and I chock it up to being sick and medicated. This made her very upset. She told me that she couldn’t do this and left right then and there. Needless to say, I was pretty confused and hurt.
A couple of days go by and we’re having lunch and she tells me that thats just not something we should cope with but she really wants to be friends. I think what she did was pretty shitty but I still want her. I tell her that I can’t be friends with her because I don’t wanna be around someone that I want that doesn’t want me. I tell her that maybe after some time has passed we can say hello again and be friends. Apparently this makes me a giant asshole in her eyes and every time she sees me I get a death glare (we don’t work together but we run into each other from time to time just because of our proximity to each other). I call her by her proper name (Ms Lastname), I say hello, treat her as any normal person would treat another but I don’t engage. I treat it as it never happened.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
46pJ6cZ7GrXgKJBQH7snkaZJVEnrzVxP | 9y33lb | {
"description": "not playing games with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not playing games with a friend? | For context, we've been friends for nearly 2 years and have a great relationship, but we don't get to play video games together every day because he has a very terrible PC and not much free time.
We have a small list of games that his PC can run and we switch between those to spice things up, but there's some times when I really just want to play other games and I feel trapped playing these games with him.
I like playing with him, but when I'm playing a game I'm mostly burnt out on I have *no* fun. It feels like a tar pit, a chore, and I know I'm pretty not-fun-to-play with when I'm not having fun, which he's pointed out. He's never said I'm the asshole, but I really do feel like one when all he wants to do is play a game but I have to say no because neither of us would end up having fun. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gAs0m2jyuFTinSD7xdpT9cSajdGZsZR3 | 9z5apl | {
"description": "asking her out while she's going through something",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for asking her out while she's going through something? | Ok so I've been talking to this girl on and off for a while. But recently in the last couple months we've been talking a lot and started hanging out and I started to really like her. I've asked her out on dates jokingly a bunch of times I just wanted to do the actual asking out in person. But then after almost 2 months of me constantly asking her out and she keeps on dodging saying she's got work and other plans I got a little fed up. Cause I mean she can find time to visit her ex boyfriend who's in jail but cant make an hour or two in the day for me? I mean it's obvious she doesn't like me right? But she is also texting me and sending snaps all the time and I know she talks to me more than anyone. So a couple days ago after she said no again I told her how I felt and how I wanted more from her. She gave the same excuse of oh she likes talking and hanging out with me but shes busy but also said that shes really sad and has no motivation and doesn't have time for personal relationships. When I said it's not fair for her to want me to keep talking to her when I want to date her she says she "understands and respects that". So we kinda left it at that and I haven't talked to her since.
So am I the asshole for asking her out even though she is going through something? Or was she just stringing me along cause she wanted the attention and gave a generic excuse cause she doesn't wanna go out with me? Should I keep talking to her and help her through the tough times with no expectations? I'm really torn and could use an outside perspective. Thanks | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
NG8Fr1HAlLIWjeRWjIJwYjvTjiUusfGR | ags304 | {
"description": "not sharing someone else's personal stories with my so",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not sharing someone else's personal stories with my SO | I was doing homework with my girlfriend one evening, we had separate subjects to focus on so it was mostly silent between us. I got a text from a friend of mine about something personal to them. I'm typically their only outlet for stress and advice, and this time happened to be more serious than incidents in the past. My girlfriend doesn't know this person, only hearing about them occasionally.
I replied back giving my advice and went back to my work. My girlfriend then asked what it was about and I didn't say anything aside from that it wasn't about either of us, just their own issue. She got upset about that, saying "best friends (or gf/bf) share everything with each other, especially if they don't know the other person, since they can't do anything about it"
I disagreed with this idea, I felt the friend in question only trusted me, not my gf, and that trust shouldn't have been violated. She left shortly after clearly still upset. My gf and I typically share a good level of trust with one another so I don't think she was insinuating anything else by her statement.
So Reddit, Am I the asshole for not sharing my friend's story with her? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 11,
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"NOBODY": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0oWoqhpSw2RHAgSSx80T2pgQexfi9fFz | b6c1wg | {
"description": "not telling a girl I was dating my age",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not telling a girl I was dating my age? | I’m on mobile just FYI.
I’m a M (28) and I had just gotten into a relationship with a F (21) and I thought things were great but apparently I’m an asshole for hiding my age.
Backstory:
I’m 28 and decided to go back to school to finish my degree. One of my classes required a group paper to be turned in at the end of the semester so at the start of the semester the professor assigned us random groups. I got paired with 3 girls. We get along great and everyone is actually pulling their weight in the group. We have a group chat set up and every time we meet up to discuss the paper everyone usually shows up. Eventually I notice a girl there, the girl in question, was flirting with me a lot. Let’s call her Kat.
The story:
One of the girls there let’s call her “Becky” is a bit of a party animal and she had invited us to a house party her BF was throwing. We all said we’d go. I got there around 11 and Kat showed up later around 2:30. I assume she was bar hoping. She had walked in with her friends and as soon as she saw me she headed straight for me. I’m not use to women going after me because I’m average looking at best but it felt nice. We hit it off and ended up sleeping together that night. The next week we were always together and it was heaven.
Well one day we were talking about high school and she, out of curiosity, asked me when I graduated. I told her 2009 and she looked shocked. She made up a reason on why she had leave abruptly and I was left confused and alone on my couch. Such is life. Anyways I texted her later that night to ask if we were good and after an hour of waiting she sent me a message that basically said she wanted to go back to just being friends because I lied about my age to her and she didn’t want to be with an older person. Honestly I never lied to her The subject just never came up. The only reason I knew how old she was is because her 21st was in February. It never occurred to me that my age would bother her, after all we got along so well.
Honestly that hurt like hell. First time I’ve ever been rejected because of my age. So am I the asshole for not telling her how old I was before we got together?
Tl;dr: Girl I dated for a week never asked how old I was and when she found out broke up with me.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
s2Po6FQNcjh1oxYR9lWK6hsnkWksq9bb | aixcul | {
"description": "calling out my friends because they always have a degrading insult about my lack of sports knowledge",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling out my friends because they always have a degrading insult about my lack of sports knowledge. | A little background, I was never really into sports until my 30's. My friends have been their whole lives, so there's a stigma of me not knowing anything.
I'm in a group chat, friend A text a pic of his parlay for nfl playoffs. Friend B says "I'm not big on the rams". Friend C says "cuz it's gonna rain"? I type "lol yea". They're a fair weather team so it made me laugh.
Friend A text "the F do you know?" to me. I said their play has been questionable last 5-6 weeks of the season and if they can't get their run game together, Goff can't save them. Friend A says "wow, we got Romo here". Everyone laughs. Now I'm starting to get piss. Not because of trash talk but because he's not saying anything to friends B and C for questioning his pick. Once again I feel like I'm getting singling me out. It almost like they act like I'm not a man because I don't know enough about sports. I know more than the casual fan but not in their eyes.
There's a lot of back and forth through out the day. They think I'm just talking trash. I finally told them I was really pissed and watch out they next time they need help fixing shit in their house and buying tech stuff. I'm really handy in those areas so they're always asking for my advice. They don't know the difference between a hammer and a nail.
I think what made it worse was when I told them that they may not realize but they're always degrading me because I don't know as much sports. Friend A said " we're just joking". I said doesn't look like it because you didn't say anything to the two other guys and they're the ones that questioned your pick.
Friend A said sorry and he won't bring up sports if it makes me feel bad. I said sorry for overreacting and that we should be able to say anything we want to each other. I did it to calm the situation more than I was really sorry because I really did felt like it was unwarranted since I didn't questioned his pick and he insulted me.
Things haven't been the same since. Friend A isn't really talking to me anymore. Was I being too sensitive?
TLDR, told my friends off for insulting my lack of sports knowledge. Was I being sensitive or are they snobs?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
itUExK83Gy50H4L1MHEIaMvA7Oc5qUol | b1ep2o | {
"description": "standing up at a concert while the people behind us keep asking us to sit down",
"pronormative_score": 118,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA For standing up at a concert while the people behind us keep asking us to sit down? | So this happened last week and I’m still bewildered by it.
We went to the Elton John concert at Madison Square Garden. It was a pretty large concert, and we were able to get seats on the floor. We were in one of the back sections on the floor, which consisted of chairs set up on risers to create a sloped seating arrangement.
We’re sitting in our seats and the show starts. Everyone in front of us stands up and starts jamming with the music, and we join them. After the second song, the people sitting two rows behind us ask us to sit down. We turn around and see they’re an older couple, surrounded by a bunch of younger couples.
I was trying to be respectful of their situation, so during one of Elton’s slower songs, we sit down, and politely ask the people in front of us to sit down as well. Enough rows sit down in front of us so that we can see the stage.
Well, the song eventually ends and he starts playing Tiny Dancer, we stand back up along with all the people in front of us and next to us. The people behind us ask is to sit down, and we refuse. Eventually, the young couple in the row directly behind us, taps me on the back and asks if we could sit down because the people behind them keep asking. At this point, Philadelphia Freedom is on, and I flat out refuse. Everyone in front of us is standing and I want to stand up and jam.
The older couple starts getting really angry and frustrated, now yelling at us to sit down. We ignore them. When the song finishes, Elton starts playing a slower song, so we sit down along with the people in front of us. The older couple, and the people sitting next to them start clapping sarcastically. I turned around and shot them a dirty look.
So, for the rest of the show, we stood up for pretty much every upbeat song. Eventually, the young couple behind us apologized to us, saying they felt pressured by the people behind them.
It’s an Elton John concert. True, it’s not the kind of music that you’d have a pit to dance in and they provided chairs, but when pretty much everybody in the arena is standing up to jam, why shouldn’t we be allowed to?
AITA for standing up at this concert, despite the people behind me asking me to sit down?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 105,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 118,
"WRONG": 22
} | RIGHT |
toB9yXCgcWV0nP43hI7YzUXOHf1mFOD3 | atidl2 | {
"description": "not wanting to give my GF's coworker rides home from work with us",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to give my GF's coworker rides home from work with us? | GF works an evening shift and gets off work at 10pm. We only have one car, which I use for commuting. GF takes transit to work, but since I'm a 9-5 job I can always pick her up at 10. Recently one of her coworkers, a lady in her 50's, has starting asking for rides home with us. She lives fairly close to us, about 5 mins out of our way. Dropping her off makes our 15 min trip home about 20 mins.
Onto the issue. I did not mind giving her a lift the first couple times. I just figured she was stuck without a ride, so I was happy to help. I bet you can guess what has happened. She now asks for a ride anytime she works same shift as my GF (a few nights a week). Again, this would be fine if she was a friend of my GF's, but I asked her about it and she says that the lady who needs rides only ever started talking to her when she found out we live near her. She also only talks to my GF at work to ask for a ride. They are not even what you would call work friends. My GF says she even feels a bit used, but is too nice to say anything. One of her actual friends at work told her another lady used to give her coworker a ride before she moved, and she felt used as well.
Coworker has never offered gas money or any thing else for the ride. For comparison, we give GF's friend a ride home once and while and she will always bring in some food or snacks to share with GF while they work. We never mind giving her a lift because we can tell she appreciates it, and she's a friend.
It's also not like the coworker in question is trapped without us. There is public transit, and she lives with her daughter, son in law, and a friend who all drive. She also has a BF. Whenever we drop her off at home there are always 3 cars in her driveway. Why can't any of them ever pick her up? Maybe even offer my GF a ride home with them to save me a trip?
AITA for feeling sour about this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NRZFpKNxks5OQcOrxprVww6Jj5tA3hIW | aimbzp | {
"description": "having a good time with my \"ex's\" friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for having a good time with my "ex's" friend? | I'm guessing your immediate answer would be YTA but I'll give you the full story anyway.
So me and this girl were friends and had a good night of fun before she went out of town for a few months. We kept in touch in hopes we could keep it going when she was back but when she returned she decided otherwise and we split. I can't say she is my ex because we never really dated but whatever.
Few days ago we went out with a small group of friends + one of her friends which I have never met before. It all goes pretty normal until this new friend (who knew about what happened) pulled me outside and we started making out. The slightly frustrated and heavilly drunk me decided to play along.
She obviously found out and we talked about it. I understand her point of view where I'm the asshole but I don't really feel that guilty about it. Should I?
We're all on our early-mid 20s if somehow it is relevant for the reddit courtroom | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lBk4gWnb80CP9bxb3jZVTqM4HBTMkVa7 | b0cg92 | {
"description": "stopping breastfeeding",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I stop breastfeeding? | This is probably a weird one lol but I actually got some really helpful feedback last time I posted here, so I wanted to try it again.
I just had a baby on Feb 8th. She came via a scheduled c section and was a little over 3 weeks early. I always planned to breastfeed for at least a month because of the medicine I'm on. It would help keep her from having any withdrawal symptoms, which it did.
The reason we had to take her early is because I had an umbilical cord aneurysm, which is an extremely rare and dangerous condition, and she was smaller than she should be. She was measuring about 2-3 weeks behind what her gestational age was. So, I had her and she was tiny, 5 pounds 4 ounces, but otherwise healthy. I have tried breastfeeding 3 out of 4 of my kids and I always end up supplementing because I don't make enough milk. With my girl being so small, the Drs recommended supplementing with formula anyways, to help her gain weight. She's a little over a month now and weighs 7 pounds.
Now here's the thing, I hate breastfeeding. It's time consuming, its uncomfortable, it's sweet and a great bonding experience sometimes when she actually latches on, but she's not great at that likely because of her being premature, so I have to pump. I don't make a lot of milk at all. I make maybe 5 ounces a day. And that's if I pump consistently every couple of hours. Pumping takes about 20 minutes each time.
So, even though I know breastmilk is better as far as nutrition and all that, I want to quit. I feel like it takes up so much of my day and for very little payoff. I'd rather spend that time with my kids or snuggling my girl. So, would I be an asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QQth9gGivkxyiLWXDkEZkALO83JTQSJn | azwm49 | {
"description": "not visiting my mother in the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not visiting my mother in the hospital? | My mother verbally and physically abused me and my twin brother for 12 years, and because of this he specifically was traumatized, and has attachment issues, it also caused me to become depressed. We made a Mutual agreement with eachother to not visit her in the hospital. In the family groupchat we both announced this and have been bombarded with requests to visit her. We have refused saying that she doesn't deserve to be cared about by either of us after the hell she put us through. In addition we are discussing either not going to her funeral or writing a speech about her abuse and presenting it. Are we assholes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Q6YIunOuXp1Du2AfLROSZNaVfLwJFH51 | b7w3ok | {
"description": "complaining about my husband's travel job",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for complaining about my husband's travel job? | TLDR: My husband's job should've been 30% travel, is really 70% and he won't commit to quitting if his boss keeps scheduling crappy travel. We live far away from everyone we know, I'm tired of being alone all the time with our kid. His work also prevents me from traveling for MY job. He tells me I'm a nag and to suck it up.
\---
​
My husband and I have been together for 4+ years, married for 1.5. We have an infant daughter together. He's an engineer and I'm a project manager. We moved to another state & away from all of our family & friends on the idea that he would have a job where he'd only travel 30% of the time and take a significant pay increase (from \~90k to over 115k per year). His previous job (in Pennsylvania) had him traveling Mon - Friday EVERY week, with maybe 2-3 business days at home if we were lucky. This seemed like a big improvement. It's also a nice city.
​
My job lets me work from home as long as I'm putting in 40 hours per week, and I have to travel about once or twice per month (no more than 2 trips of 2-3 days each).
​
When he took the new job, his company paid our moving expenses, so that meant he \*\*had\*\* to stay or we'd have to repay $20,000 in expenses. However, both his travel and compensation haven't been what he was promised.
​
His travel has consistently been at 70+%. This has been \*so difficult\* for me, at first because I was pregnant, and now because I'm essentially single-parenting our kid. I love my daughter, but I struggled way longer than I should've with PPD because I had no support system.
​
My husband says that there are plenty of people out there who are single parents with less money, and that his job is supposed to be easing up on travel for the rest of the year. He's told me that I'm just weak for being frustrated with him being gone, and that I'm nagging him about quitting when his job makes us way more money than mine does. He says I should just focus on losing weight and making friends.
​
For context, he was gone 4 weeks in January, at least 50% of February and March, and now is gone all of April. When he's gone for these huge stretches, it also means I CAN'T travel for my job, which makes me look bad in front of my boss. I've tried to get him to commit to not going on a trip if I already has one scheduled, and he's said he 'can't promise anything'.
​
But the other big problem is that this just isn't the life I want. I love my husband and even though we have our issues I want us to be together.
​
We keep fighting about this and he says I'm an asshole for harping on this constantly. So, reddit, AITA for complaining about my husband's travel job and do I just need to suck it up? | HISTORICAL | {
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wdiop3Z8D6plYYXRf6HvhqY8ZL236DxJ | afoi56 | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend she's lying to herself",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend she's lying to herself? | Hi all, a little backstory; We are both 18, her family are quite close knit and share home-cooked family meals every night.
I started seriously going to the gym and eating right after being tired of being skinny for the past year or so and wanted to change. My girlfriend did the same although she said she wanted to lose weight (she's honestly gorgeous and I cannot for the life of me fathom why she would want to lose weight) but I said I'd help her out and support her (this was about 3 months into my own training). FFW to today, it's been about 4 months and I had sent out my scales as my snapchat streaks, I had just hit 64KG which I'm happy with. I asked her about her own weight and such and she said to me that she hadn't lost any and had in fact gained some. I asked how many calories she is on per day and she told me around 1200, I track my calories and macros to a T and she had told me she'd been doing the same, I asked to see and she showed me a 1200 calorie MyFitnessPal screen with food she had eaten. This is where an eyebrow was raised. I told her that if she was to lose weight it was as simple as burning more calories than she gains and that 1200 calories is too little for her to even function correctly, let alone gain weight. She said she swears by that, I asked had she been tracking these home-cooked meals correctly as I know how difficult they can be to keep track of, she swears she has been doing that correctly as well. This is where I will admit I got a little annoyed, I hate people not just being truthful with me. I told her that she is either not counting every correctly and quite drastically incorrect in fact, or that she is lying to herself and complaining at a lack of results. I could've continued but I began to feel bad as if I was berating her. She is now not happy with me and although I do want to apologise, I don't even know what I'd say. "I'm sorry you must just have no metabolic rate"?? I have apologised for the way in which I said it, but she told me it sounded like I was telling her "she's not doing good enough".
I don't know what else to really say. Am I genuinely in the wrong here or did I just handle it poorly? | HISTORICAL | {
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xDzTBl58Kz4R5l4nQ4i54lCGUHIS0mWF | 9zg51b | {
"description": "not wanting to go to Thanksgiving after being called a Pedophile",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to go to Thanksgiving after being called a Pedophile. | I (19M) still havn't decided if I'm going to go to Thanksgiving tonight or not. So a bit of back story is this.
The day I turned 18yo I moved away for a job I had lined up. A few months back I moved back to my home town after a little over a year of not seeing my family at all only phone calls with my mom and aunt. When I got back I reconnected with my family and some old friends. I was living with my mom again and staying 1 or 2 days a week at my aunts farm. My aunt has 4 grandkids she have custody of. 3 boys (17, 14, and 12yo) and 1 girl (12yo). I really enjoy spending time with all of them after such a long time not seeing them. I work A LOT and spend most my days off either at my aunts or at friends. Me and the 17yo was super close growing up and we reconnected very fast. We have became like best friends again, like when we was a bit younger. During this time I also realized that the 12yo girl is a lot like me. Her, the 17yo, and I started hanging out a lot at my aunts farm. It got to the point where she would follow us around when we fed the animals or ride the 4-wheelers and Dirt bikes, and I was fine with it because she was a cool little buddy to have around. I'm pretty sure she has some abandonment issues due to her parents running out on her when she was just born, so she is very clingy and literally wants me around her 24/7. She is also the type of kid that is very cuddly, while we watch YouTube or something on my phone she will lay her head on my shoulder, she will lay her feet across my lap while laying on the couch, she will try to sit on my lap and I normally tell her to get down because it just feels weird. You know that kinda stuff but she does it with pretty much every adult she is around.
Well last Sunday I was staying at my aunts and the 14yo and 12yo boys was gone to there real mothers house, it was just my aunt, the 17yo, her, and me. I get a phone call from my mother who tells me I need to leave because her thinks there is some inappropriate stuff going on between me and my cousin. I tell her there isn't nothing going on and how it is fucked up that my mother would even think something like that. I stay that night, but during the night i can hear my mom on the phone with my aunt. They are talking about me, and my mom is telling her the same thing she told me. The next morning my aunt is acting very weird every time I get near my 12yo cousin. She wouldn't let my cousin go anywhere on the farm with me or the 17yo cousin. My 17yo cousin says he is going to drive to McDonalds and grab us all something to eat. All 3 of us was watching a movie before he said he was going to leave to get food. So me and the 12yo was going to stay there and finish watching the movie. My aunt starts screaming at me about how I need to go with him and I can't be alone with 12yo cousin, telling me if I don't go with him I can just go home. My 12yo cousin was sitting next to me during this and started tearing up. It made me feel horrible and like I was a piece of shit for spending time with my cousins.
Well since that day I been ignoreing all my mother and aunts phone calls. Spending all my time at friends house except one day where i avoided going home for as long as I could then just went home didn't say anything and went to bed. I'm unbelievable hurt that my aunt and mother would think I would do something like this. I don't feel welcomed in my moms or aunts house any more. Now they are both confused texting me things like "whats wrong, you aint' been acting like yourself" They sent a text about what time Thanksgiving was and I sent one back saying " idk if I'm coming yet" and now they are pissed at me for not wanting to go. The only thing that makes me want to go is cousins. I don't want them to think I don't want to be around them anymore. But I can't bare to be in a room with my Mom or Aunt. I feel deeply hurt by them thinking I would ever do something like that, it makes it a lot worse by them acting like they don't know what is wrong with me. So I just been ignoring them and avoiding going around them.
I know it will hurt all 4 of my cousins feelings if I don't show up for Thanksgiving because I am the only other family they have beside my mom and dad. They won't understand why I don't show up, all they will think is that I don't want to be around them. | HISTORICAL | {
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KTWHUBQGZ1sZrfGZFRecDcsZzyuxfjfB | afdq5i | {
"description": "ghosting a girl who has \"feelings\" for me because she is seeing other people",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I ghosted a girl who has "feelings" for me because she is seeing other people | First off I'm in High School, we are both 17 and are seniors at the same school we'll call her Taylor.
We became friends about a year ago when we were in the same friend group. We connected over mental illness as we both have depression and we made a commitment early on to be there for each other if anything happens. We both went through breakups where we would see each other often and this is when I started having feelings for her. She explicitly told me that she likes me and is beginning to have feelings for me, so I'm stoked. Being close was something that always calmed us down and got rid of any anxieties. The problem is we became close before her and her boyfriend (my best friend) broke up. He knew about it immediately and we both said that we would stop. We never did. Fast forward past the end of their relationship and Taylor and I still hang out all the time. We'd lay with each other, kiss, etc. it was about whatever made us happy. This lasted maybe two months. Then I am told about another guy she has hung out with. At first I was fine with it because I knew I couldn't be in a relationship with my best friends ex anyway and it's not like we have had sex or anything I thought at that point she didn't owe me anything, but then something shifted. She was unavailable when I needed someone to be around. On New Years Eve she invited me to her house because I had told her I didn't have any plans, but when I got there there was a guy who I hadn't seen before sitting where I sit. She invited me and the guy she has been ditching me for. I settle in for a night of being uncomfortable around one of her friends who doesn't interact with anyone, but Taylor, and a guy who I had never met before. After playing a card game on the floor everyone got on the couch and immediately Taylor's head is on this guys shoulder. This is where it began to hurt. I tried not showing how sad I was by pretending to be asleep, but when midnight hit they kissed. I wanted to cry, but obviously couldn't.
Fast forward again to a few days ago and I am invited to her house after school and I head over. She lays on top of me and I am happy, I forgot all about the guy from NYE. Then after about an hour of being with each other she asks me to leave because she is sad. This is where my red alert came in. She never has asked me to leave because she was sad, it has always been the opposite of going to her when she was sad. I'm not going to argue though so I say goodbye get into my car and go around the corner for not even five minutes just to see a blue mustang pulls up and out hops the guy from NYE. My heart sunk. My mouth tasted sour and I sat and cried for half an hour.
I called her out on it and she came up with the excuse of "I was actually sad, he just decided to come over." Like I am some kind of moron who doesn't understand when I am being used. And like I get we have never been more than friends officially, she doesn't need to be telling me every time she hangs out with another person it just feels super bad, because when I am around her I am extremely happy, but I cry almost every time I leave. It makes me want to stop interacting with her because she is starting to treat me like shit.
WIBTA If I ghosted her because she continues to see people, even if she helped me a lot through a really hard time. Or am I just a stupid kid who needs to get that what we had isn't what I thought it was. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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dDHFtx5fAzrzib5By9ZVBIWsRDNMLvHV | b1dcr3 | {
"description": "ending a friendship because he's madly in love with me",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ending a friendship because he's madly in love with me? | Obligatory mobile and non native english speaker disclaimer.
I [18, F] used to be friends with this guy [19, M] from a city cca 5 hours away from mine for about 6 years. Most of that time our friendship was fine, up until he left for Thailand for a few months three years ago.
When he came back he was really depressed but refused to seek medical or therapeutical help, everytime I told him to, since I suffered from depression as well and being on meds helped me.
His depression made him avoid his old friends, so over time he ended up with only me, which I guess is why he fell in love with me.
From the beginning I was refusing, since I wasn't interested in him romantically yet he would push on and on, to the point of me being scared of him. Telling me how much I meant to him, that I'm the only one he has and so on.
Lately he started to send me lowkey threatening messages, like "you can't hide from me" and so I ended the friendship and told him he needs help. Since then (about a month ago) his parents and sisters call me about once every three days to tell me I should unblock him and give him a chance, that blocking him was awful of me since I'm his only friend. Even my mother asked me to reconsider.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 19,
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0VfbzjiWgt7xHKu74LmGx0TgAM4s6ul5 | amofd0 | {
"description": "hating my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hating my roommate? | On mobile, apologies for formatting issues. Also, tldr at bottom.
I've lived with her for five months on residence at school. There's three of us living together. In our suite we each have our own bedrooms and share a kitchen, living room, and bathroom.
I'll state right off the bat that she's an international student from India and I've lived in Canada my whole life, and don't really know about Indian culture. I understand that there's definitely going to be cultural differences and I respect that, but I dunno man. What gets me about her is that she doesn't do anything for our apartment, and then lies about it.
We wrote and signed our roommate agreement last semester, which included a weekly-ish cleaning schedule for common areas on monthly rotation, an agreement that we'd each take turns taking out the garbage/recycling, and that we could share things like appliances, dish soap, etc (and agreed to share those expenses). The cleaning schedule would rotate us through shower/floors, toilet/sinks, kitchen, and we'd share the living room.
In these five months, she cleaned the kitchen once. That's it. We can obviously tell when she doesn't do her assigned chore because whatever it is will be dirty, and she's also the one who by far causes the most mess, especially while cooking and tracking rocks all over the carpet. Then we'll ask her to clean up and she'll say she already did. We say we can see that she didn't and she'll say that she'll just do it again, which she then clearly never does. I'll leave notes for her as reminders and she just throws them away.
Some examples.
She will take our broom and sweep the crap from her carpeted room into our capteted hallway and leave it there. She vaccuumed her room the other day and then stood in the living room with the vacuum on for 5 minutes and didn't vacuum up any of the million rocks at the entrance and hallway. She spits all over the sink faucet and mirror when brushing her teeth. She left period blood smears on the toilet seat and toilet paper.
She also has not helped pay for anything that she uses. Refused to pitch in for our shared vacuum and microwave. Doesn't buy dish soap or sponges but uses mine.
And - just a personal note, nothing to do with her irresponsibility - she smells so bad. I understand that this might sound bad on my part and I'm trying to be understanding/sensitive about it, but literally the strongest BO I've ever epxerienced. We can smell her trail wherever she goes in the apartment. Once a friend of mine was on a trip with her and she fell asleep on him on the bus and he said he had to wash his jacket to get her BO out of it.
Now, I've had other bad roommates in the past, but she really takes the cake. I have argued with her over things in thr past because she insists she does nothing wrong. I'd expect more from a 24 year old master's student.
We spoke with our RAs last semester and they basically said that they can't do anything other than talk it out with her unless we feel a risk to our safety, and we know that a chat won't change her ways. So the other roommate and I just do her cleaning for her when we get too fed up with trying to get her to do what she agreed to.
TLDR: Roommate always says she didn't make the messes (which she did) or says she did her cleaning (which she didn't). Major BO. Doesn't pitch in for anything. She's from India and I'm trying to be sensitive of cultural differences but just can't deal with her shit. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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WIH9EgvwW5pM36Dk3Dyq4OUSnY9ES19P | abcnm3 | {
"description": "not wanting a relationship with a girl after she broke up with her long distance boyfriend because she was cheating on him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting a relationship with a girl after she broke up with her long distance boyfriend because she was cheating on him (with me)? | Title says it all. I was in my last year at school and what started as a hook up with a girl turned into something that last an entire year. We were inseparable and definitely loved each other. But the entire time she had a long distance boyfriend which she justified keeping because at the end of the year, I was graduating and moving across the world, so there was no change of a serious relationship with me ever developing.
So we ended things by me moving across the world for a year but now I'm back and living ~1 hr plane ride away from her. Her hometown is where I live now and we reconnected a few months ago. Basically, for Thanksgiving and now Christmas/New Year's, she's been in town and we've been hooking up like crazy. The chemistry is there and so are all the emotions too. She broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago and wants to try doing long distance with me now.
There's no doubt I love her and I accept responsibility that I bare a burden of the blame because I was complicit in her cheating. At the same time, I don't think I could ever trust her. "You lose her how you win her" I've read all over the Internet. AITA for cheating with someone and then using that as the basis for not wanting to be in a relationship with them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
14olZP73KaknHsErncoluoLvbExssgm7 | arkbyr | {
"description": "making plans with friend then canceling after a possible snowstorm",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making plans with friend then canceling after a possible snowstorm | Okay so here it is. About a month ago I saw my favorite hockey team was playing in Detroit on Feb 17th. My best friend, Brad, who live 3 hours from me and 3 hours from Detroit had the idea to go to the game with my fiancee and me, as she is as big a hockey fan as I am. I agree and we make plans to go.
After some time had passed, let's say a week ago, Brad text me a series of messages asking me if it would be alright if we go to the game just the two of us as a sort of "guys night" now I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss those days, but I love my fiancee and dont ever have the feeling of not wanting her to join me for anything.
Reluctantly, I agreed to ask if she would mind staying with Brad's girlfriend and 2 year old son while I went to the game. She got upset the first day then the next day she said "if you can afford it you can have your "man-date""now mind you I dont own a car, we both use hers so it's really me asking "hey can I borrow your car to go to a hockey game while you hang out with a baby?"
Fast forward to yesterday and I see the weather is calling for snow all day in chacago and auburn, where he lives. My fiancee drives a Hyundai Veloster and if you dont know what that is, it's a 3 door, 2 wheel drive, lowered car with street slicks as stock tires. Not very ideal in long drives with snow.
I call brad last night to speak to him about possibly not going if she doesn't want me driving in her car, alone for that long in snow. I'm immediately met with resistance as he doesn't think it'll be bad for me to drive. I explain that even though we made the plans a long time ago and I fully plan on going if the roads are fine but it's also not my car and its ultimately her decision. So we agree to get some sleep and check in the morning.
As I woke up this morning I see a light coating of snow and there doesn't seem to be a any coming down. I speak with my fiancee about going and she is reluctant as before because sure while it's not snowing now it may be later and could get worse for the car, also we went to Detroit l last year and nearly destroyed our rim in a pot hole so it's really not ideal.
She ultimately decides she doesn't want me driving and after talking with her it's the right idea. Now, I've been friends with Brad for 15 years, we moved from Alaska to Illinois together, hes my best friend and I know he'll understand.
As soon as I tell him that I can't go he launches into a tirade of "you're really going to do this to me?" And "we had plans, the roads aren't that bad, stop being a pussy."
I've been laying in bed for the last hour thinking about this whole situation and writing this out. So based on everything, AITA?
TL;DR
Had plans to drive 6 hours to a hockey game, snow happens, I cancel and friend gets mad.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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joGjIL2GgBWfD2Nb3dBWHR2s5NaaJwAA | aodmwi | {
"description": "outing someone but",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA I outed someone but.. | I will refer to my friend as A. Basically what happened is my friend came out to me as non binary a while ago. A put their new name in thier bio on thier art and vent account on Instagram (which was the main way I talked to them). They even made a post saying 'the next person who calls me (dead name) gets fucking shot. Like seriously, stop.'
So I started correcting people when they called A by thier dead name. It really seemed like they didn't want to be called thier dead name, and I didn't want to cause any distress to them.
Yesterday A comes up to me and asks why I told my friend they were nb. They basically never talk to me irl, so I got taken aback. I said 'I didn't know you didn't want me to tell people' and I receive a text later telling me that me and them shouldn't be friends | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tcJKudskAW6xeSHbKFLv8agmw15SggZ3 | arigsz | {
"description": "telling my wife she could lose a few pounds",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for telling my wife she could lose a few pounds? | She was trying on dresses for an upcoming wedding. She’s not as slim as she used to be, she’s actually gained maybe 30-40 lbs? It’s gotten to a point where I’d like her to lose some weight, although she isn’t obese I need her to lose the weight or atleast make an effort.
She was trying to fit into smaller size dresses and send it to me on my phone. I told her straight up, that she could lose some weight before the wedding so she can fit into those smaller size dresses.
She asked me how she looked in the dresses, and I was honest. Told her she could lose a few pounds and maybe should change her diet.
She didn’t reply to me the rest of the time. Called me a prick, and is still visibly upset with me. I truly believe I wasn’t wrong | HISTORICAL | {
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"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
XyrDQQFHPrpAtZ5BFnyOjG3k8a3pNX0S | b4j2oa | {
"description": "cheating on someone who doesn't like \"affection\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 44
} | AITA for cheating on someone who doesn't like "affection" | So I've been dating this person for ages, and I mean ages, since high school. Since then they've always expressed disgust in kissing and an absolute off limits on sex or anything of that kind.
I never cheated before then and I was underage when we first started dating so I've never actually had sex and it kind of worked my up. They really only allowed slight affection or they'd shrug it away and at that point it kind of just left me starved of affection or however else you would put it, I'm not sure how to word it.
I went out with some friends and met a guy in the bar we were at for a simple get together. Nothing overly special happened then and I took his number with me nonetheless, he was insistent and I didn't exactly want to start anything so I took it, not exactly expecting to use it.
One night, after an argument with my partner and over frustration and loneliness I texted him and we arranged something and for me to come over to his apartment. When I came out of it, I only felt a little bad, I just felt like I had finally had romantic attention that time for the first in a long while.
Does this make me a terrible person? I am conflicted now that I think about it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 41,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 44
} | WRONG |
5xwUq0Mq0FNAj7QAxqwBkOtiNCn7TDf7 | a3vyd2 | {
"description": "eating my boyfriends chocolate bar",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | WIBTA If I ate my boyfriends chocolate bar? | Obligatory on mobile, sorry for formatting.
Background: my boyfriend bought two chocolate bars last week and put them in the freezer.
Today was a bad day at work for me. I have bad cramps, I’m bloated, and it’s been two years to the day since I found out he was cheating on me. We’ve worked things out but today is still a bit rough for me.
I was trying to vent about my day to him on the way home but he got snippy with me because he had a bad day too.
Im feeling petty so, WIBTA if I took his candy bar without asking or sharing? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
hy8HElAQVkndIxFYk34ZtP5yct2ymbSZ | b7d70u | {
"description": "spending the night at a friends house because it was so late",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA: Spending the night at a friends house because it was so late | Sorry for any problems with formatting, this is my first time posting on this reddit and I'm on mobile.
This has all happened within the last 24 hours, and I need to get it off my chest.
I'm a 19 year old girl who still lives with her parents and has no curfew. Yesterday I spent the evening out with my friends. At around 9:30, we sat down at a McDonald's and got to talking and lost track of time. At around 10:30, I realized it was too late for my mom to be up (she wakes up around 5:45-7:00, and goes to bed around 10.) I asked my friend if it was ok if I stayed at her place, and before I could let my mom know, she texted me. She was asking if we were done shopping yet, which I told her we weren't, and then I told her that my friend said it was ok to stay at hers. My mom argues with me, telling me I should just come home, that it's too late to be doing this. My friend is exhausted, and is worried about how she can get us home safely in her condition (I live on the other side of town from my friends.) Mind you, its closing in on 11 now. It ends with my mother telling me to make a desicion, and getting pissed at me for making the choice that would probably have been the safest for me.
There has been another incident like this, (however, I was still at home), I had stayed up past midnight working on something and was too afraid to go to my room to sleep. We have 4 dogs, one of which will bark at just about anything that moves, so if I went past my moms door, the dog would wake her up. My mom is someone who seems to get mad at me for anything, and has gotten mad at me for waking her up like that before. (Including one time where the dog she shares a bed with jumped down and scared her awake while I was working on homework in my bedroom, and she yelled at me for not putting it away, even though the dog doesnt have a pin or anything. She didnt apologize either.)
That night at my friends house, I cried in my friends arms because this is actually a normal occurrence (not staying out so late, but her saying I'm inconsiderate and prioritizing friends over family) and I nearly had a panic attack two times that night. My therapist and I have discovered that a majority of my mental health issues come from her.
My mom is basically ignoring me (kinda) after telling me I didn't consider my family, and how I dont prioritize my family anymore, that my friends come first, she left the house with my sister, who at the time isn't saying alot to me aside from short sentences. But I had considered my family and figured out an alternative. My friends are on my side, saying that what I did was considerate, and that my mom is just a helicopter parent.
Am I the asshole in this situation?? | HISTORICAL | {
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CS927ZJiAR8DM4hZ22dEVefR3IGyAnvN | 9x9k7a | {
"description": "threatening to move to my grandparents if my mom doesn't find a new home for our cats",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for threatening to move to my Grandparents if my mom doesn't find a new home for our cats? | Grammar gonna be shitty its like 3 am. For further context Im 16 and live a few houses away from my grandparents. Im allergic to cats and we have like 6, their fur makes my eyes swell and messes with my eczema (i do get used to them after a month or two) . We've had cats for 4ish years and Ive always said that I hate them.
​
Last week I told her if she doesnt start to find new homes for them that I'd go and stay with my grandparents. Im aware that it seems small since I get used to the fur but we simply dont have enough money to fix them all. So after a year or two we'll have another batch of kittens that take months for me to get used to their fur. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Zxaiv1CgAZPpBVuPFULsQTyYa6KjWlJh | amnchw | null | AITA for not trust my gf when she stays at my friends house for uni | So for some context I've been with this girl for about 4 years (I'm 21 she's 22) and the relationship has been going pretty bloody well, I've been the happiest I've ever been and she isn't sick of me yet so I think I got keeper.
For the past year and half she has been staying at my friends house wed - fri so rants she can get into the uni base as she live a good 45 minutes away by car ride and she hasn't got the money for fuel to do that trip 3 times a week sometimes 4 and that I totally understand that as fuel is pricey as hell atm.
Now this wouldn't bother honestly as I trust her and I trusted my friend as I've known the guy for almost 10 years but a couple months ago she came to me and told me he confessed that he has feeling for her and I'll be honest this has thrown me into a man child sulk ever since and whenever me or her brings up the topic of her staying there I take it out on her by neing cold and mean and I know I shouldn't but I just have this bad feeling.
I really don't want my jealousy to destroy this relationship as I genuinely love this girl, Also im think of taking anger management classes as I had that problem as a teen and I don't want to fall back into that mind set again.
Update: had a long talk with my gf about all this and I even showed her this post.
She said she understands why I feel like this as she's had a similar experience, she said she would help me get through it all as long as I talk to her when I feel down and try and be happy as much as I can | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
534BDa5EMHZvhHmGRimFzhnjPgd9PQoG | af12wc | {
"description": "taking a picture of a man on the train",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for taking a picture of a man on the train? | Long story short, I take the train to commute to work in the morning. Every morning there is this man who is sleeping in the same seat. For the last few months, every day I take a picture of him sleeping before I find my seat. This morning, the flash on my camera was on and he woke up and was upset that I was taking a picture of him. It’s a public place so I should be allowed to take a picture of whatever I want. It’s not like I’m taking a picture of him in his private home or anything. So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
oS6rT0hUra3eOAsOLKS5Y5u8PsV7nwCm | 9u1j1x | {
"description": "cursing my Co-Worker out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cursing my Co-Worker out? | So I work at a 7/11 3rd shift we aren't suppose to let people in the restroom from 10pm and 6am except officers and for our use. I keep getting written up multiple times for letting people use the restroom even though I dont give anyone a key and it's my co worker who does it. I've told my manager countless times who is doing it and he said "it doesnt matter just dont do it".
One time I got written up because a drunk girl stole a sandwich asked Him for the key, half ate the sandwich leaving it on the floor, piss all over the floor. I stayed overnight and he left around 12 and guess who got blamed when the manager came to see in the morning?
Today there are signs saying restrooms out of order. Even more of a reason not to let people in! He gave the keys to 4 customers in the past hour while I've already been on shift the past 4 hours and let no one in. I took the keys from two seperate parties and said the bathroom is out of order since no one reads signs on the door anyways. I do my rounds and see that in the women's restroom there's piss and liquid shit all over the fucking floor. I call him over and he says, "Its not that bad" and it set me off. I said, "Do you know how to follow fucking directions?? This is the thi-"
He tries to mad dog me saying, "Ayy watch your fucking mouth with me or-"
"Or what R?? Beat me up while you're on parole? Cameras are fucking everywhere and you wont fucking do shit! Now I have to clean up your mess again!"
"I got it do-"
"Like last time with the sandwich huh??" I slammed the bathroom door and start cleaning. Let me tell you, cleaning up human feces isn't the easiest...
Am I the asshole for yelling at him? Should I apologize for it as well? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
h0LvznwdX2xv3dtwaOt0mEJv1q2AuXx6 | aq99f7 | {
"description": "triggering my sister",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for triggering my sister? | Basically, we were arguing about where to go shopping. I wanted to go to a big city, and it would involve public transport, while she wanted to go to our city, wich meant we would go walking. At one point she told me that we should go where she wanted if only in order for me to exercise, as I'm putting on weight and I'm flabby.
I have suffered from anorexia for years and began my recovery a few months ago. I am still underweight, but I put on a lot of weight and I feel uncomfortable with my body (for the record, I'm in therapy). I felt fat and ugly and stupid and triggered.
Then I did a bad thing. She suffers from severe acne and she is really insecure because of it. I told her that my body shape was not her business as her skin was not mine, and that her skin was much worse to the eye than a little flabbiness. She burst out crying and called me out for it with our parents. They were furious and punished me taking away my pocket money, saying that I shouldn't have replied.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
XrMD2tWpwm1ycPf02d3FTQqTlpNDukaF | b11nrz | {
"description": "not going to friends houses who's parents don't agree with my lifestyle choices",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going to friends houses who’s parents don’t agree with my lifestyle choices? | My friends always want me to come over and stay the night and/or hang out. I love my friends, but it just so happens that all three of my best friends parents hate/disagree with lesbians and vegans. Only one of the families is religious, but I don’t feel comfortable going over to any of their houses.
Friends A’s parents are religious, and they say that being lesbian is a sin, and that I should eat animal-based products because God made them for a reason. Friend A got mad when I said I wasn’t conforbale around her parents, and she accused me of “being selfish and hating those who don’t see the same as you”.
Friend B’s parents think being lesbian will harm society because we can’t have children “normally”. They think vegans are ignoring “life’s natural processes”. Friend B says that I should respect their views and that I need to “get over myself”.
Friend C’s family thinks that I try to “force [my] lesbian and veganism on others”. I have never once mentioned that they, or anybody for that matter, should change their lifestyle based on my personal views. Friend C says that she understands why I am upset and she’s willing to talk to her parents. She says that if they aren’t willing to comprise then we can always find other things to do.
Friends A and B only want to me to come over to their houses, because they’re “most comfortable that way”. So, am I the asshole for not wanting to be around their parents? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rTlH04hW5Xl75kH7deJQspuqsUmuZSne | b5uhnw | {
"description": "telling a woman's husband about her infidelity via an anonymous letter",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for telling a woman’s husband about her infidelity via an anonymous letter ? | I was having an affair with woman #1 who is married for about 6 months when I met woman #2 and began dating her. After a few dates I knew I wanted to make this work and told woman #1 it was over. She said she was happy for me but I know she was hurt and jealous (hard to believe she’s jealous when she’s married right)?
Things are great for awhile and then woman #2 starts hearing rumors about me from her teenage kids when they return home from dads for the weekend. (Things to make me look bad. Some true some. Not) This Information is coming from their stepmom who happens to be close friends with the #1. Obviously it’s a snatches scheme orchestrated by #1 to destroy my relationship w #2.
Well it worked and #2 broke up with me eventually and yes there are maybe other factors but this is a big part of the reason I know. After thinking for 3 weeks I sent an anonymous letter to #1’s husband outlining his wife’s infidelity. I could go on and on but that’s enough to determine if - AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
qVHCYxctVb1UVxJpHwuYfrinydd51ZWt | aq2p15 | {
"description": "cutting my mother-in-law out of my sons life? t",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for cutting my mother-in-law out of my sons life? T | My MIL is a horrible beast. She is the epitome of “pity party, poor me, the world revolves around me” type of person. She literally lives 4 minutes away from us, but has seen her grandson once in the last 6 months. She’s also the type to post on Facebook those dumb-ass “I love being a grandma, my grandchild is my life” memes, when she clearly has no desire to see him. I a, constantly reaching out to her, asking if she wants to come over for dinner, asking if she wants watch the baby for a couple hours to help my husband and I out. It’s always no, she’s busy, her back hurts, her best friend just got cancer, she got into a motorcycle accident (which did happen, but fuck her), there is always an excuse.
So yesterday I decided to reach out one more time. I asked her if she could watch the baby for a couple of hours next Friday so my husband and I could go out to dinner for my birthday. She read it but never replied, I sent her a question mark today and she replied with “I don’t want to make plans Incase something comes up”. I was really confused for a second and sent “what do you mean?” And her response was, “I might be going to a bonfire next weekend and my back hurts.” I literally saw red, I was so unbelievably pissed at her. She never ever helps me with my son, when I was pregnant my husband and I were going to move a few states over to be near my parents so they could be a part of his life, and she cried and begged us to stay. She has been awful ever since. I tore into her, I basically told her she was a piece of shit grandma, and person. That she needs to get her head out of her boyfriends ass, and that I’m fucking over it. She likes being the grandma on Facebook where everyone tells her how amazing she, but can’t step up to the plate in real life. I told her she was cut off. I’m sick of the excuses and it’s done. And I felt really empowered in the moment to finally stand up to her, but now I’m feeling really guilty.
My son absolutely loves her, when he sees photos on Facebook or the phone his face lights up and it just makes me so unbelievably angry that she can’t give him the time of day. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
knOymHmd5sWagIAWJqUuEEcscV4QWY2g | aumlyl | {
"description": "reporting my brother to the police",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for reporting my brother to the police? | I was sexually abused by my older brother (4.5 years older) for nearly 5 years when I was a kid. I only told my parents about it when I was 12, and they just swept it all under the rug. Like, they didn't involve the police or CPS, they didn't separate us or put us in counseling- nothing. They were extremely religious and I believe they wanted to save face in their church. My parents were also very neglectful and abusive (physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, denying me critical medical care etc.)
​
The context is important because for a long time- until about a year ago- I just dealt with it on my own. Absolutely no one in my life gave me any reason to believe I was a victim of sexual abuse. No one made a big deal about it, so why should I? After I told my parents no one ever brought it up again. I always felt very responsible for what happened- I didn't even think of it as abuse until I was older. My brother and I were never super close, but we ended up living together when I was in my mid 20s (mostly out of convenience). The biggest issue I had living with him was his wife.
​
I won't get into personal attacks (though boy howdy could I). This woman and I just don't mix. We are oil and water. We were closer as teenagers when they first started dating, but over the years our relationship became so strained that living together just wasn't working out anymore. I didn't move out on great terms.
​
After I moved out, the #metoo movement got really big. I made a vague post supporting it on FB. A while later I noticed she had unfriended me and I texted her to ask why. She said she saw my post and she was upset about it (she knew about the abuse before they got married). We had a big fight which ended really poorly.
​
It was only after all of this happened that I told my boyfriend (now fiance) about the abuse. The fight had brought up a lot of old feelings and I was really just looking for support. He was horrified to say the least. I spoke with his parents about it and the were shocked to discover I had endured so much abuse and neglect for so long. The more I thought about it, the more outraged I became. So I decided that to help put it behind me I would finally report the abuse to the police.
​
As soon as my family found out, I was demonized. I mean really- they made me feel like a monster- like it was the worst thing I could have possibly done. They accused me of only reporting it now as a means of revenge on my brother after moving out. The police ended up closing the investigation and no charges were filed. I was never given a clear reason why.
​
Sometimes I do regret going to the police. If I had just kept quiet I would still have my family. Sometimes I really feel like they were right.
​
Should I have kept quiet? Was going to the police wrong since they didn't file charges anyway? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YcKVBY7feZmsLrYdEcfFxErDCK6ybXxS | auo9vu | {
"description": "not wanting to live with my parents after they decide to shift to the same city as mine",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to live with my parents after they decide to shift to the same city as mine? | So, I am a 31 year old Indian man working in a well established metro city with decent pay. My parents decided to move to the same city I work in because of their financial troubles. Unlike Western and European countries, it's fairly common for adults to stay with their parents in India. We believe in staying with the family and the culture revolves around it.
They decided to move to my city because of their financial troubles. They sold off the house to get some cash and pay off the debt and have now decided to come and stay with me. The parent-kid paradigm here is a little messed up and I cannot say NO to this decision. It won't be ideal. I will be frowned upon by the society and will be deemed as a bad, ungrateful son.
I love my parents and have nothing against them. On the other hand I love my freedom more. The very reason I had moved out was because I wanted to live my life my own way. I have gotten used to a certain lifestyle and the thought of staying with them is suffocating. They are manipulative and can be extremely taxing. I am trying to sum up the courage to tell them that I can't stay with them and would like to stay separately. I am willing to help them financially in any capacity I can. They wont understand my perspective and it feels like the only choice I have. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
F694rXXNR98wqyoA4Ihsh902xWx4k3nn | auchy8 | {
"description": "sharing someone else's sheet music",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I shared someone else’s sheet music? | There’s a particular piano piece I love so very, very much that has one particularly good transcription, but the author isn’t offering the sheet music for sale or otherwise. They did, however, post a synthesia (scrolling piano notes) video on YouTube for the entire piece, without including a MIDI, even though the title of the video said it included a MIDI file. I’ve been watching the video and tediously copying it into sheets for my own personal use and was thinking of posting the finished product for others to learn from. Many people would want access to it, and I’d be sure to give credit where it’s due if do post it (and wouldn’t dream of selling it) but still feel apprehensive as it’s not my creation. Still, the piece isn’t /by/ this person, it’s just their transcription of a completely separate composer’s piece. So. I’m a bit torn. I could make a few changes and call it my own cover, but that feels a bit cheap as there’s not much I could really tweak. What do you guys think?
TLDR;
A guy isn’t sharing sheet music he made and I’ve been making my own copy, WIBTA if I shared it? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
dLtzkhLnDDBafhrH0JphFFlukOikjCnW | a770u5 | {
"description": "not listening to my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not listening to my roommate? | For context, my roommate has been going under a lot of stress? I guess lately. Her young nephew that she sees a lot has gotten sick, and she's pretty worried for him. She also has to babysit her other autistic nephew on weekends, so she doesn't get much free time in between caring for them, cooking, cleaning, and studying.
Anyways, lately, I've been trying to help out more past the rent and keeping the general area clean. Cooking, doing more cleaning, etc. She's been on edge and kind of snappish so I was trying not to direct those insults on me. (I can't handle other peoples' emotions well, I smile even when the situation doesn't call for it, and I can pretty loud, though I don't realize it.) A few hours ago, she asked me to take out the trash for the garbage truck. I wasted a few hours, but ultimately I was going to do it, and I did. However, when I was leaving, I figured I'd forego the usual footwear since it's dry and like 10 seconds between the garbage can and the door.
Apparently, before this, she was asking me to wear my shoes. I didn't hear this part, and just kind of left. That's when she snapped? She starts screaming about how she's locking the door and me out, except there is a garage. The door between the garage and the house is open, so I could just go in from there. I'm p chill about it, she's under a lot of stress. I may be annoyed, but I'm not pissed.
This seems to piss her off even more for some reason, though. I'm not entirely sure why? She storms into the house, and when I go to replace the trash bag on the trash cans, she's become even more pissed off, yelling at me about how I should respect her more, to stop smiling, and something like that? She tries to kick and hit me too, so I just kind of removed myself from my situation. I'm in my room now, locked the door. She's still pacing around outside screaming. Frankly, if I was the asshole, I wasn't trying to be. Am I the asshole, reddit? If I am, please help me apologize to my roommate. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0mfXMZY7OpY5dMGq5Z0oBuGxSNeA7DGQ | a91dck | {
"description": "stopping contact",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for stopping contact | I ended my friendship with someone I thought to be very well with. The whole story took place at the beginning of september and I'd love to pretend I am over it, but since I am still thinking about it occaisonally, I can safely assume I do regret at least a tiny bit.
We know each other for 3 years and have been together on several holoday trips. We were the kind of friends lurking around in the voice chat until deep into the night, talking about all the stupid things 16 to 19 year olds had on their mind.
His birthday is on the beginning of september and he invites me for a small party with only 4 guests, all of our friendgroup. He didn't want to celebrate big this year he told me.
However shortly after the invitation, I notice my friends, the ones invited along me to the small party, talking abour the big party on saturday. I was invite on friday though.
Of course I curiously asked about the details. Turns out my friend is about to throw a big party on a playground with lots of alcohol and lots of guests the day after. He paired up with a girl he knew from school and overall round about 30 people were invited.
What made me go crazy was the fact that everyone else from our friendgroup was invited, except for me, they were told to bring their girlfriends aswell. At that point I openly asked him, why I wasn't invited. I was told about there not being enough space (remind you 30ppl on a public playground!) and the others were "only" invited because of some kind of "chain invitation" person x because he knew y and then z for x so he had more than one. I further questioned why I wasn't in his "chain", but he didn't answer.
Anyways I went to the small party (I shouldn't have went there) and when I left I waved one final big ass red flag about the next day, asking when I should be there tomorrow. He smirked and he should have left it at that, instead he insulted me :" I am not going to invite you, but I won't send anyone home who shows up.".
That pissed me off, I turned around without saying anything.
Nevertheless he isn't done yet, the next evening he send me pictures via SC/Instagram etc about his party. I blocked him everywhere afterwards and muted him on Discord.
Around that time our common friends tried to bring us back together, he was apparently admiting slight remorse to my friends, worse for me was however that none of my friends, who all were invited, understood my anger against him and played it down. The party was bad/boring but noone out of 5 guys could understand my position. I told all of them to stop trying to get us back together and after a while they respected.
The swing in the story is the birthdayparty of a common friend at the end of october. We were both invited and I made sure to be polite with him, but cold. Inevitably he asked me for reunion later during the party, I reclined, I thought about what to say beforehand, because I wanted to "stay strong".
The next morning I was talking with my mother about the party and mentioned howI stayed strong (note this is how i first viewed it, since my ego was scratched). She just asked me, wether I was sure and happy with my response.
Now it is the end of december and I still sometimes thing about my decision to recline.
Therefore I decided to set up the post.
AITA?
Disclaimer: Not in the US, but Germany, hence public drinking not a problem.
Excuse the formating, I am writing on mobile. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
SATVlRbWz6r5Ij53QS9f2PubzL7tAV6C | aowd16 | {
"description": "wanting to have an affair with a married woman",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for wanting to have an affair with a married woman? | So there's this girl I've known for a long time. She is married to a guy I know, who I'm not that close with or fond of. She doesn't look very happy and I strongly believe that she's into me. Now, usually I wouldn't count these as enough reason to ask someone to cheat on their husband over, but in this case since her husband doesn't truly love her (he once told me how he chose this girl in part cause of her father's fortune) I feel less guilty to do so. I mean, life's too short to spend it solely with a person who merely likes you and sees you in part as a financial investment, isn't it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
CqxtVRi7uiOekf2jxRw5LqfQQHLE91BK | ao1p3i | {
"description": "retightening my wife's screws",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for retightening my wife's screws? | Last week my wife and I moved apartments, and a large part of that was going to IKEA and buying a bunch of new stuff. Over the weekend, while she unpacked, I put together a bed, two nightstands, a shelving unit and a shoe cabinet. The last thing I had to put together was a new desk for myself, and the only chance I had to put it together was a couple evenings ago when I came home from work.
We made it a family event, my wife kids helped me get the right parts/screws, etc. At one point, we had to screw in something like 6 or 8 bolts, so I did the ones on my side of the desk, and she did the ones on her side. I then went over and gave hers a quick tighten with my screwdriver, and my wife got PISSED at me. Saying things like "Why am I helping you if you're just going to go over it anyway?" and stuff like that. It didn't help to explain that a) they need to be closed tight, because if something happens to the desk the computer and everything else on it will be fucked, and b) all chauvinism aside, I'm stronger than her and was able to tighten the screws more even after she finished.
Obviously I think I didn't do anything wrong. So am I the asshole here, or did she blow things out of proportion? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
UZj8Bgw1BnHv3hlVwFhCTboStRFiP5F5 | b7famk | {
"description": "allowing my boyfriend's son to cuddle/fall asleep with me",
"pronormative_score": 173,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for allowing my boyfriend's son to cuddle/fall asleep with me | My boyfriend and I live together and we have his son every other week. We've only lived together for a few months but I've been present in his life for the last 2 years.
My boyfriend was out for a few hours and his son and I were watching TV. I was lying on the couch and his son was sitting on the floor, but after a bit, he crawled up on the couch with me and laid with his head on my chest and fell asleep. I was actually pretty happy about it, since he and I hug and such but he's been reserved as far as cuddling and such with me and obviously I don't push it. I let him stay like that until my boyfriend came home.
My boyfriend woke him up and later freaked out at me because he thinks that it was inappropriate for me to let his son do that and to let him lay on me like that. I asked him if he was accusing me of something and he kind of backtracked and said that it just looks weird and inappropriate and I should've told his son no. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 162,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 173,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
02bnWOP4mrdHuV0iasRyoikC3jSfW0Hu | avxdm9 | {
"description": "getting pissed at my family for not being supportive of my weight loss",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting pissed at my family for not being supportive of my weight loss? | *Mobile, sorry in advance
Background: I’m a 16 y/o male whose been chubby my entire life. My family never seemed to judge me about it, but they were all for me trying to lose weight. My entire family is overweight. I started my weight loss on December 2nd, with an initial BMI percentile of 94.
(0-5 Malnourished, 5-15 Underweight, 15-85 Healthy, 85-95 Overweight, 95-100 Obese)
Fast forward to now, and I have went from being in the 94th percentile to the 77th percentile. My family all seemed to be proud of me, but once I started losing weight, I realized I wanted to be more then “not fat”.
I’ve noticed that even though I have lost a good portion of weight, I still have a lot more fat then I thought I did to start (significant amounts on my love handles, which were what I was most insecure about when I started). I feel like they also just don’t really understand what my body is built to look like, because I’ve been chubby all my life, covering up my features, and how I always wear baggy clothes.
My family doesn’t support me trying to lose anymore weight. Just to clarify, I’m not anorexic, or have any eating disorder. In fact, I pretty regularly eat like crap, with them next to me. I really don’t understand why, but whenever I bring up my goals, they all seem to say something along the lines of “Stop, you’re to skinny.” or “You need to plump up again.” I’ve explained multiple times to them exactly what I’m doing to lose weight, why I’m trying to lose weight, and why I feel that I haven’t met my goals yet, but they keep trying to shut me down, and don’t support me, which is something I really feel like they should be when I’m trying to make a pretty drastic change in my life.
The other day, one of my family members made one of these remarks again, and I had had enough. I told them all that they were being asshole for how little support they were giving me and them just wanting me to conform to what they want me to look like.
I’ve started feeling guilty about lashing out like I did, but I they know I don’t have an eating disorder, so I just don’t know why they keep shutting me down.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
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