id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
fS0Ox2DlnvR0RBNHVL5OO6uEFcqqVETG | a7kstf | {
"description": "sending an inappropriate masochistic 9/11 joke to a sensitive friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for sending an inappropriate masochistic 9/11 joke to a sensitive friend? | Ok.. to be clear I obviously think 9/11 is a horrible horrible event where thousands of innocent people died and I don’t think that’s funny...HOWEVER I am a fan of masochistic humour and I share this with several friends. So on 9/11 I sent out a shockingly inappropriate message that was clearly a masochistic joke, esspecially if you knew me. Everyone thought it was funny except for one old friend that in the past has made some very inappropriate jokes as well which is why she was one of the people I sent the joke to. Needless to say I thought she would find it funny but was very wrong. It was a reaction as if someone she knew died in one of the towers.. To me it was like she decided she was miss morality, riding high on her high horse. It was so blatantly a joke that coming down on me the way that she did just made me feel like she was the one being a judgemental over-sensitive self-righteous asshole.
I’ve known this friend for 10 years and she knows my sense of humour. Below I’ll post our text convo and let me know what you think-I don’t know how to properly load it so I just copy-pasted word for word. I’m me(obvs) and friend is ‘A’
Me-Happy 9/11!!! 🎉🎈 ✈️🏢✈️🏢🎉🎈
A-That’s fucked up
A-No seriously dude. It’s terrible.
Me-Sorry if I offended you it wasn’t the intent
A- Well did you really think I would laugh at that? It’s not funny. I hope you didn’t send that to anyone else.
Me- I sent it to my close friends and everyone except for you knows it was just an obviously inappropriate joke and has sent back something either even more inappropriate back, or has laughed. Do you want me to screen shot the conversations and send them to you?Chill the fuck out.
A-I know that you meant it as an obvious inappropriate joke and No I don’t need to see what other people have sent back. I don’t care. It did make me feel uncomfortable and honesty lose a little respect for you.
A-Don’t reply. Honestly. I don’t care for you to ‘defend’. It’s inappropriate, horrendous, and nothing you say will make me think otherwise
Me-I wasn’t going to, I’m sorry you feel that way
Have a nice day🙂
AITA??
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
5wD29U5pPX7wKgMwIN7foF3kvegDu3YV | axv3ou | {
"description": "inviting my friend to a concert",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for inviting my friend to a concert? | So this is pretty long so I’ll get right into it.
​
In summer of 2017, a famous korean singer was coming to a major city near me. Me and my best friend were huge fans of this singer (I was a bigger fan of this singer) but we both loved the genre and it’s how we became best friends when we were around 10 (both 21 now).
​
Anyways seeing as it was a big concert in a large city my overprotective parents wouldn’t let me go to it by myself, so I had the idea to invite my friend along. Here’s where things will get complicated later on. The tickets were $300 each and my friend said this would be too much for her to pay. She was basically family, so my parents offered to pay for her ticket on the condition that she pay them back eventually. She agreed and we went to the concert and had an amazing time.
​
Fast forward a year and a halfish, I started my second year of college and things were fine. I still talked to best friend normally and sometimes I would hit her up just to say "hey how are you?" and all that.
​
My mom messaged me out of the blue that she was very hurt by my friend and sent me a screenshot where my mom asked if my friend had been able to save any of the $300 of the ticket cost. Now I’m guessing at best my mom believed my friend had forgot, at worst, my friend hoped we had forgot about her owing us and tryed to move on past it. My friend became hostile and questioned my mom on when I would be paying back for all the times she’s bought food when we would hang out or go out to the mall over the past \~10 years.
​
This blindsided both of us as I’ve never had a full time job but my friend has been working as much as she can ever since she could work I think. On the rare chance I’d have money I would fully offer and insist on paying for things but many times my friend would refuse. Me being clearly confused asked my friend how much she thinks would be a reasonable price to pay her back if she was really serious. All I got in reply was “fuck you”.
​
Keep in mind, I wasn’t the one who paid for her ticket it was my parents, and we’ve NEVER had any issues over money or paying for things before so this was totally out of the blue. I questioned her on why she was being like this and she became defensive and accused me of only hitting her up to talk so I could harass her to pay back my mom (I messaged her asking about it a day before my mom did, but I had no idea my mom would ask her about it as we don’t talk daily).
​
Since then we haven’t spoken in over a year I believe and I’ve lost some sleep over wondering if I truly did something wrong.
​
TLDR: my parents paid for my friends concert ticket on the condition she repay them, then when they asked if she could pay any of it back after nearly two years later, she demands I repay for all the times we have hung out and bought food/movies over the past 10 years. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nOaoNIi8XpyJjNNNcPnrzE4KO9yTOvEA | azh00e | {
"description": "not opening the gym door for a kid",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not opening the gym door for a kid | Right then: first the setting. My condo has all the activities area stacked together. So there’s the pool, behind which is the gym next to which is huge open area for barbecue and hosting parties and finally the kids playground. The gym has glass windows, so everything outside inside can be seen.
I like to workout in the evenings because it’s cool and less people around.
Cut to today evening: Me and another neighbor/friend decide to workout together. We enter the gym and there’s an older gentleman working out on the arms machine. I start my cardio on the treadmill and I see this kid (7-8 years old? I dunno how to guess their ages) comes up running and knocking on the gym door asking me to open the door. The door can be opened only with the condo key card which I guess was with his mother.
Now I know this kid. Every now and then he comes in the gym after his playground time and starts knocking off stuff, playing with dumbbells, putting stuff under the belt of the treadmill, switching the machines on and off, etc.
the first time I let him in he had a screaming match with his brother who was outside the gym so they were just screaming at each other separated by a soundproof gym glass but it was annoying me and others who were inside the gym. He then proceeded to kick, lick and punch the gym glass wall. His mother meanwhile was just chatting with another neighbor as if this whole noise was her usual decibel.
The second time I let this kid in he put a dumbbell (smaller ones) on the treadmill when a girl was on it causing her to lose her balance but she had good reflexes and was cooling down so impact wasn’t much. She just scolded the kid and asked to talk to the mother but the mother wasn’t interested and took the kid home.
Cut to today, he bangs and bangs on the door screaming to be let in. But I do not. Neither the uncle. My friend was between sets so he couldn’t and by the time he was done the kid started a full blown tantrum and ran off crying/screaming towards the playground. My friend is saying I was a prick not letting this kid in but my friend has never seen this kid’s behaviour.
My friend is like making a kid cry like that on purpose is assholey.
So was I really the asshole? I’m reeling towards no but my friend says kids are kids, therefore I was/am. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 35,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
sJ6NCeSDfESMJQPYDpERtRALR49hYfrN | a9xo3p | {
"description": "eating pork",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for eating pork? | Got into an argument with my dad about eating pork, wondering if I was being insensitive or if he's overreacting. I'm a 19 year old girl who's not religious. My dad is Muslim. We never eat pork at home and I would never buy a product containing pork and store it at home, because it just feels wrong. No one in my family orders pork when we go out to eat either, even if the rest of the family isn't Muslim (except my half sister) I have barely tasted pork in my life actually.
But yesterday was Christmas dinner and my family were at my grandma's house. My dad isn't Christian but he still came along because he was invited. The main star of this Christmas dinner is a glazed ham, which I'd helped my grandma cook so I tasted a piece. When we got back home my dad scolded me for it and got angry at me for having eaten pork, calling me a liar and hypocrite. I told him I would never eat pork at home but that I'm 19 and want to eat whatever I want because I do eat pork. This just aggravated him further, he said he knows I'm trying to personally hurt him by eating pork. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zfr0BSFidqmHI4tmvacV1Tc94GkRnp0h | axmh13 | {
"description": "asking her not to smoke",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking her not to smoke | My partner smokes, although I’m honestly not bothered about that.
Long story short, we were on a 2 hour car journey during which time she had 2 cigarettes, opening the window to smoke them which caused me to be really cold.
She wanted her 3rd, about 5 minutes from our destination. I asked her if she wouldn’t mind waiting until we got there, as it had been making me cold and we were going to be about 45 minutes early so she would have had plenty of time to smoke.
I said that if she really wanted one she could have one, but I didn’t think I was being unreasonable in my request as it was only for 5 minutes that she had to wait.
She has since called me controlling stating that I shouldn’t tell her when she can or can’t have a cigarette. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
b4b6s6o94MeVlTljOYdPsqWSxPcnMmCo | b8vu8v | {
"description": "getting mad at my dad for leaving the country",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at my dad for leaving the country | Ok so, last year my dad and I got kicked out from our old house, I spent the first 2 months sleeping on my moms couch while he kept saying he was finding a house, we ended up moving in with his friends who also have to move out of their house in a couple months my dad just told me that he’s going to go back to his home country for a couple weeks next week and that I’m going to have to go back to my moms couch ( he hadn’t discussed it with her) and I blew up at him about how he’s never responsible for anything and how he doesn’t care,am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pX1wSTjUMmBJ5QYEq2NDbdvAckCNwlTj | atv6ve | {
"description": "refusing to pay my roommate back if I get scammed from a security deposit",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA If I refused to pay my roommate back if I get scammed from a security deposit? |
TL;DR: My roommate agreed to keep a security deposit in exchange for my portion of the rent, but now that he’s realized getting the deposit will be difficult, he’s claiming he never agreed and I owe him regardless of what happens with the deposit.
I’m moving out of a 2BR apartment, but my roommate is staying and resigning the lease. At the beginning of the month, my roommate paid the full rent (and normally I then pay him my portion) This time, I asked my roommate if I could keep my portion of the rent in exchange for him keeping the whole security deposit on the apartment. He got a little confused and thought I was asking him for money, but I was like “no, you don’t have to give me any money, I’ll just keep this final month’s rent to help offset moving costs and you can keep the entire deposit since you’re staying here.” I suggested this 1. So I would have more money to put down on a new place right away and 2. So that I could avoid having to deal with management, because they’re horrible and I wasn’t sure they’d be cooperative in paying us. Anyway, he said he was good with my proposal. So, I went ahead and made plans for a new place and put down my first last and security there.
Turns out, for some reason the terrible management is asking him to pay an additional half a deposit to re-sign the lease, saying they’ll send half back to me, since I’m moving out. Sounds like a scam to me, because they could just as easily keep the whole thing, since it’s technically in his name as much as it’s in mine. So, my roommate comes back to me a couple days later and says that since they’re not just keeping the deposit, he wants me to pay him. I sort of avoid the issue and say “we’ll see, I don’t see why they would do that, we should talk to them more about it.” In the end, the management calls him, “furious” that we’re “pestering” them, and they say they’re going to send a check back later and he just needs to pay up now. So now, my roommate is saying he only agreed to “let me hold onto the money until we found out what the leasing company wanted to do about the deposit.” And that I owe him, regardless of what happens with the deposit, even if we get scammed out of half of it.
Now, I understand that he doesn’t want be out $1000 or be scammed by the management; neither do I, which is why I planned this out from the start. He initially agreed to my plan, but once he realized the drawbacks, suddenly he says he never agreed and says I owe him (even though I’ve already put all that money down elsewhere). He doesn’t have any cash flow issues, he’s actually very well off, he just wants me to be on the hook for the money instead of him. I think it would be fair for me to pay him half, so that if they scam us, then at least we’re equally scammed since we’re we’re equal co-signers. Would I be the asshole if I proposed this and refused to pay him the entire amount? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
bK6IhkZNfRwzbT7KqPKGOtSPcqCzVXSK | at5yw6 | {
"description": "being angry that my mom woke me up early",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being angry that my mom woke me up early | Background: My dad was in the middle of renovating the house when my dad suddenly August. His friends have offered to help us do the rest. My Mom is a very emotional person and easily gets stressed out. My brother is a dick to me all the time. He critiques and shames me for everything. He goes out of his way to annoy people and all my mom will ever do is "talk" to him which results in nothing, he's never been punished in his life. My dad always had a temper and my mom would tell me and my sister not to tell him when my brother would misbehave. My mom rarely gets angry, I've only been able to actually piss her off a few times in my life.
My brother works 3 shifts a week. He sleeps in 5 days a week. I'm a full time uni student, I live at home, I get up at 6:45 every day I'm at uni and I'm at uni until 4. For the past week my dad's old friends have been working on our bathroom. Someone has to be awake before they arrive, my brother has been doing this for the week. I’ve started going to the gym and eating healthier. I don’t want to get cancer like my dad. I also have trouble falling asleep and my new diet gives me constipation and stomach cramps. My mom told me I'd need to get up early to let my dad's friends in. I asked why my brother can't do this since I’m at uni all week and she said that it’s because he's done it all week. He's been getting up earlier but still gets up after me. I told her that and she threatened to not take me to the gym. Fast forward to 3 in the morning and I'm really tired but can't sleep and I've got really bad cramps and constipation. I go to the toilet and my mom tells me that I need to be up in a few hours. I then ask again why my brother can't do it and she just fucking yells at me, which she won't even do to my brother when he's annoying her. She storms off and slams her bedroom door and yells "MAKE YOUR OWN WAY TO THE GYM!!!". This morning she wakes me up and I hear her slamming doors. It then becomes apparent to me that it's just me getting up and not us both like I'd been led to believe. My mom comes home from work and I say that I'm really angry and disappointed with how she acted. I again point out the fact that my brother can sleep in basically all week. I also mention how unfair I think it is that she threatened to punish me while he has done way worse stuff to me and has not only never been punished but has been protected and defended from any consequences. My mom then breaks down into tears and says "fine! I'll do it all on my own” “just thought someone would help me" she then leaves and I'm sat here now feeling like shit cause I made her cry.
I really need to know if I'm the bad guy in this cause I feel like shit about it.
Ive had to leave some stuff out so here's the full version
https://textuploader.com/151hz
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
cFrqwHz0kRvhsc0XLgkXmgK4lYcE8y5r | a7bim1 | {
"description": "watching a nature video",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for watching a nature video | for refference, im 15. i live with my mom, and she usually sleeps downstairs on the couch but as its gotten colder shes graduated upstairs to her bedroom. Unbeknownst to her every night i watch a nature/calming video to help me sleep since my mind often races a billion miles an hour. When she came up it was 11 and she told me to turn everything off and go to bed, which i did. But i left my phone on and went to youtube to watch the video, i didnt know it was on full volume and my phone then begun screaming about CRABFEST AT RED LOBSTER and my mom heard that and started yelling at me. I apologized for it, but asked if i could watch a nature video to help me sleep, and she refused and begun shouting at me. We argued for a while and i called her a psycho since i was so angry (more about the principal at this point honestly) then thought fuck it and just went to bed
however in the morning she called my dad, who is very scary when he is angry and when she went to work (i do online school) he came over and chewed me out, and brought me to his place to "watch over me" (i do online school unsupervised usually) i tried to explain the situation but that was just "backtalk" to him and made him angirer.
Later when he was calmer we talked about it again, and i found it my mom had lied about the situation to him to make me seem like more of an asshole ("He out of nowhere blurted out he wanted to live with you! He was obviously lying about the video, he was doing it just to make me angry!)
i confronted my mom about the lying and she just shrugged. Am i being self centered in wanting an apology?
tl;dr tried to watch asmr nature video at night, fucked up and played a loud ad, mom heard that, got angry, i called her a psycho, she shipped me over to dad where he can scream at me longer, mom lied about the situation, noone has apologized but i want an apology | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
sdU9tYmAuWIqoagzR23516nwlGugBUHG | andx0q | {
"description": "asking my friend to return the money £100 I gave him for the house we were meant to move into together",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking my friend to return the money £100 I gave him for the house we were meant to move into together. | So the context is my two friends and two other people were looking for a four-person house to move into next year. They found a nice six person house and needed two other people to fill up the two remaining spaces. They went ahead and paid £600 (£150 each) to reserve the house and then asked me if I wanted to join them, saying I would have to give them £100 as my share for the reservation of the house, although I had no input in the decision to reserve the house. The £100 was so each person would pay £100 each. I mentioned that the rent was quite pricey but they had already reserved the house so I took it they had made up their minds already. Eventually, I decided to join them and I gave them the £100 to replenish them for the reserving the house. Less than a week later they have decided they do not want to go through with that house because it's too expensive. I felt like they reserved the house without me and after I joined them they made a decision to not go through with it, a decision that I oppose and so I asked the friend I gave the money, to return my money because it's not fair on me at all. I just want to know if I'm justified in asking for my money back. AITA. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
6UnbX5TSvAQAINW9R851uIU6a65VYonu | a2y77v | {
"description": "not adjusting my schedule for my ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not adjusting my schedule for my ex? | I've been divorced for about a year but we are still friends and co parents I'm staying with my ex for a couple weeks while waiting for my new place to be ready. He has primary custody but I am with them every day.
I work graveyards with floating days off. I really like my job. I'm an unsocial night person so just working all night with my headphones in is great. Plus it works for parenting because I go home and get my kids ready for school, wake up and hang out with them until they go to bed before I go to work.
My ex has a high paying Monday through Friday job. He's been pushing me to get different work because he feels like he can't have a life outside his job and our girls. I usually have to work weekends. If he has something planned I ask for time off to take care of the girls. Like he wanted to visit a girl in another town he was interested in dating and I took a whole weekend off to give them time together. But he insists I need a Monday through Friday job to give him more time off. I'm doing really well in my job. It's union and has benefits and my boss wants to start giving me more responsibilities.
Today I was asked on a date. I told the guy I could do a lunch date because I had to spend time with my girls in the evening. We went out and it went super well. He asked if we could go for drinks after they went to bed. Since I have the night off and it's a work night for my ex I said it should be fine. But it would just have to be drinks so I could be home in the morning for the getting ready for school routine. My ex flipped out. Accused me of being selfish and decided he's going out instead. I had to cancel drinks with the guy (he still wants to take me to lunch tomorrow). He's been gone three hours. I put the girls to bed alone.
I don't feel like I'm being selfish but I could be wrong. I don't go out much between my work and parenting and sleeping. Am I denying my ex time to live his life? Sorry this went on so long. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZPBdH8PPvkYAueEmOcpHXlPXcdVvRMCn | b5e22n | {
"description": "not letting my boyfriend take a trip with his female friend/possibly her friends too",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not letting my boyfriend take a trip with his female friend/possibly her friends too | I honestly think Im crazy and he made it seem like im psycho.
Last few days have been a total mess because of it. So here is the story.
My boyfriend (22) and I (21) started dating when we were 18 and we were serious from the beginning. Those years are young to be engaged or anything else so we just decided to make it a serious relationship. 5 months ago we moved away to a different state and we both had trouble meeting friends here. I am socially awkward person and its so hard for me to fit in with other girls, I always got easier friendships with guys. Since we are in a serious relationship im not allowed to meet guys here because "all guys want sex" (his words)..
On the other hand he met few girls but for his excuse "theyre ugly and he would never do anything with them" but yeah he met them even though Im not allowed to meet guys! Okay.
So, he introduced me to this girl (27) that is his new bestfriend about two months ago I guess and she gave me weird vibe from the beginning but okay, im just a *jealous girlfriend* so I cant judge! She mentioned some city that we all should visit and its 4 hours drive. I agreed in the beginning thinking it will never come to realization because we all have filled schedules.
Fast forward to few days ago, they start to plan that trip to happen next weekend! First I told them no way I can because I work and even if I could get a replacement I dont have any money saved up because of hilarous bills. He told me he really wants to visit that city and its always been his dream so he's going.
Am I in the wrong for being mad at him about it? Its just two of them going but if not just two of them then she is bringing her other female friends.. I dont know which one is worse.
I should add he cheated on every girl he dated before. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
doMOeEIaBaWoLcK7qOU3kMPU0GY3l7BK | a7j8r0 | {
"description": "not attending any future family (religious) events",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not attending any future family (religious) events ? | I'm an atheist living in a deeply religious country. Half my family is catholic and half is evangelical christian. And of course they have weddings, baptisms, christmas, funerals, etc. But I just can't bring myself to go to these events anymore. It's draining and makes me feel uncomfortable to basically support their beliefs that have caused so much harm to people around the world. The state of organized religion is so dire and I feel they have too much power in my region, messing with the government and working overtime to limit civil liberties of women, minorities and LGBT people. In the past I have attended these events, but it has grown more and more difficult to do it.
To give you an example, at my sister's wedding the pastor spent half the sermon (or whatever it's called) raging against same-sex marriage. And I'm gay. And this happens in almost every of these events: I don't know how they do it but they are able to bring it up. I'm also pro-choice; and of course they are not. Thousands of women have been forced to carry their child after being raped because of the religious influence in the government and the strict abortion laws that we have. That's without mentioning the circle of pedophilia, the belief that I'm a complete sinner and the overall atmosphere of oppression I feel.
Of course I'd like to be there for special family gatherings. And I will go to the dinner, party or whatever after it (and usually they are alcohol-free since evangelical christians don't believe in drinking (or dancing!). So, am I the asshole? I'm conflicted.
Tl,dr: I'm a (gay) atheist in the middle of a huge religious family and attending their religious events has become too uncomfortable; so I have told them I won't attend anymore. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
YAnyhWXz7gXfYGzsdVyxsNXjyCLawfIT | as2gsy | {
"description": "telling someone who recently had something stolen from them to have some trust",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling someone who recently had something stolen from them to have some trust | I genuinely feel like the asshole in this situation. To give some context I was selling a phone I had refinished on eBay, and said I would post it today, due to unexpected personal circumstances I was unable to post it.
I notified the seller but I got sent a response saying "You've failed to post it today as you have promised, use next day delivery". I could tell he was upset and so I apologize and ensure him that I am going to use first class (as close to next day delivery as you get here) postage for the package.
He gets back to me a few minutes later and said "You have 0 stars, I have very little to believe you right now. You will use first class postage as I payed £4.99" At this point I was upset by his demands, I felt like he was shouting at me - which is something that makes me scared due to past experiences with shouting.
Freaked out I replied "I will send you a picture of the package, ready to send to you. You need to have some trust that I will send it, I am not out to scam anyone. Please confirm that the delivery information is correct" he then goes on to tell me that he was recently mugged and that I should have kept to me saying that I would aim to post it today if I was able to.
Now I just feel like a dick for not posting it and for telling him to trust me
TL;DR I sold a guy a phone, was unable to post it, told him to trust me and then got told he was mugged. | HISTORICAL | {
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XrW2hhxKNhlzlYESukQEPIMnQPUUifXT | ajal7o | null | AITA? | AITA?
So I’d honestly like to know what y’all think about my situation and what I can do to help it. I can say that I probably haven’t handled it the best but I’d like to see where other people’s opinions lay. As a a background I am Bi-sexual, that will make more sense as you read.
When I was almost 11 I was molested by a friends uncle down the street. This happened right around the time that Obama was first running for office and the gay rights movement was in full swing especially here in Seattle. My mother is deeply religious and can always be heard saying things along the line of “Gays burn in Hell.” and “I would never tolerate that.” For that reason as well as the fact that my father is very emotionally distant from my family is the reason I’ve never told anyone until very recently. I grew up feeling vilified, like my whole family hated me. Along with my mother making me feel less than dirt my brother bragged about beating up gays and my grandmother saying the same things. When I was 13 we found out that I am highly allergic to dogs and moderately allergic to dogs. We’ve always had at least two dogs and cats that are indoor/outdoor pets. My parents didn’t want to get rid of them and never pursued any sort of solution for me but instead insisted that I had something else wrong with me. Often I would hear jokes such as “I’d get rid of the dogs before you.” and “The dogs are more my children than you.” That led to me having to take all manners of medication that I didn’t need. The allergies crippled me to the point where I missed around 100 days of school per year, as expected my grades fell. I still managed to get into a running start program where I got my ASE’s, as well as transfer into a technical high school program where I used the state to pay for my education. I suffered through my classes but when I felt well I crushed them, sadly that wasn’t often. I still haven’t graduated high school technically.
My relationship with my family is not great. I’ve tried to ignore it all and build up good relations with them but that has built up resentment. I haven’t been the best son undoubtedly. The past couple years when I have heard them say something homophobic I usually respond with something along the lines of “Stoping being such a judgmental bitch.” which usually gets me punched in the head a few times and kicked out of the house for a bit.
The last time something like this happened my father came to pick me up after my mother stopped in traffic to bust my lip open and bruise my jaw then kicked me out into traffic.
When he picked me up I opened up to him about what happened when I was younger. He told me he was sorry for what I have been through but it was wrong for me to be upset with my mothers actions and comments because “She cannot relate to homosexuals because she doesn’t have anyone as such in her life to make it personal.” As well he told me I need to bring this up to her and forgive her for everything.
I can’t help but feel robbed of an education and a childhood. It was one thing to be molested and have to deal with that and the backlash that comes with being bi-sexual in public school. It’s another thing to not have a support system, to feel hated by humanity and your family, to be lower on the ladder than dogs and referred to as “Gods joke.” I haven’t been able to talk to any of my family not only about this situation but any hardship due to this barrier.
I genuinely dislike most of my family and I hate that I feel that way. I am upset about how I have been treated and the opportunities I’ve lost.
I don’t know what else to do or say. I’m sorry that this post is such a mess, I have a splitting headache and I’m fairly stressed out. Thank you for taking some of your time to read this. | HISTORICAL | {
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k0XAfpu6Vcpe7fnsUIzY9J5qgv5P1e7N | anu87n | {
"description": "throwing away my flatmates food",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for throwing away my flatmates food? | Hello Reddit! I apologize in advance for bad english, it's not my first language.
​
​
I'm really fucking pissed off right now and I need you to talk some sense into me.
So, I currently live in a flat with two friends. In the past 2 months, every time I've been away for the weekend, I've come home to a fridge that was full of moldy food. Like, nearly every single thing in there had mold on it. That happened maybe, 3 times? And every time my flatmates managed to be away when I've discovered the fridge, so I cleaned it all up, including scrubbing the fridge with vinegar. Important to note is maybe that every time it wasn't my food that was the culprit. Most of the time it was something like an open package of sour cream that spread everywhere. I've talked to them about it and their reaction was something between 'We're sorry' and 'Well, but you dont have to clean the whole fridge just because of some rotten food, so thats your own fault.'
​
​
Well, today I came home and found a package of carrots in the vegetable section. When I looked into it, I saw mold. So I didnt want to bother with it and just threw the whole thing away. I left my flatmate a polite note that asked him to maybe scrub the vegetable section, so I could put stuff in there.
​
​
A few hours later he came to me and said, 'I get you don't like mold, but you really didn't have to throw the whole thing away. It was only two molded carrots. Mycotoxins dont even spread in carrots, I couldve just cut the molded part of'.
​
​
I offered to buy him new ones, but wtf, apparently he dug through the fucking **trashcan** just so he could prove me 'wrong' somehow? Like, wtf, is that normal? I mean, okay, maybe they werent all wrotten, but is it really my job to inspect his food just so I dont have a moldy fridge? Or in other words, AITA?
​
Thanks in advance! | HISTORICAL | {
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znQb96igebb9zDQYc8XhlDqAhVMjs1XG | aosxbo | {
"description": "not having sex with my husband",
"pronormative_score": 56,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not having sex with my husband? | On mobile, sorry about any formatting issues.
So, one year ago I had to have emergency surgery and ended up with a colostomy bag. Two more surgeries later and it's still here. My husband (Dear Husband) has been somewhat decent about helping with household and childcare. It's been a struggle.
I'm about a month from having reversal surgery and got bad news about my heart. Turns out I need to have an Angiogram next week, there are blockages in my arteries, and my reversal surgery might not happen like we thought.
Over this last year I have tried to have sex, not very often though. It's been painful and is, frankly, very embarrassing for me because of the colostomy bag. My DH says it (the bag) doesn't bother him. Well, it bothers me a lot. I have been very willing to give him oral instead. Please understand that oral is something that he has almost preferred over regular sex over the last 15 years.
Lately (last month or so) he has been very pushy about having sex. He grabs my breasts and tries to get me to have sex. Between my not feeling up to it, because of the bag, the pain, and the emotional stress of the heart issues and testing I've been through recently I just have no interest in doing it.
Last night he tried again, said I could "just lay there", and then got pissed and told me he was going to go out tonight (to get drunk). I feel bad and I know I need to have intimacy with him for our relationship's health. I have decided to offer oral today and make him a nice breakfast to try to show that I care about him and his needs. But I don't want sex. Just the thought of it makes me feel like curling up in a ball and crying. I have very low energy and have to do all the housework and care for our 2 kids, those things take my available energy and leave me sapped by the end of the day.
AITA for not having sex with him? Should I be doing more to make him feel loved? I feel terrible about making him feel unwanted, and I don't want this to ruin our 15 year marriage. Help! | HISTORICAL | {
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QVUjzEUPx2jJpx4CmiGLnINgJMWFMHw6 | 9wzv0h | {
"description": "staying 15 minutes longer to talk",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for staying 15 minutes longer to talk? | Hey,
So I cheated on my boyfriend, with a coworker during the launch.
It was a mistake and I am an asshole for that.
My boyfriend has always been controlling and asking me about what I'm doing,
but since that it's been really rising up.
I'm not blaming him for wanting to know what I do etc, it's understandable and I also told him it's fine, I'll always say what I'm doing with who etc.
But, what I'm hating is that he is not believing me.
He always says "Yea and then you're meeting with -guy I cheated him with-"
And because of this, I've adjusted what I do.
\- I don't go out with my coworkers to eat anymore (also because I want to save money)
\- I don't go out by myself anymore (also because he says "what am I supposed to do?")
\- in total have less me-time
\- I always try to answer him instantly, even sending work pictures so that he can see I'm working
​
But I still am trying to improve career vise, such as giving a talk at a university.
When I'm there, he's also blaming me of cheating, wanting to know what I do.
There was one time where I stayed 15 minutes longer where I talked with two students, and he was accusing me of cheating there.
​
​
So my question is,
​
am I an asshole, for giving a talk at a university, for staying 15 minutes longer to talk with the students there?
Am I an asshole for wanting me-time? | HISTORICAL | {
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5SjSnnTRFn0wWDV1W2pAshq32gYlPr4D | b6rfjw | {
"description": "getting annoyed at my gf for doing coke",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting annoyed at my GF for doing coke | Hello all
Am very confused with feelings atm so I'm wondering if any of you could help me rationalise.
I've been going out with this girl for 4 months, and are in our first year at university (college) so 19.
I've known she's a bit wild and does drugs from time to time however her use has only started to worry me this week.
In her final year at school she did coke around 10 times and since being here had a busy patch of at least 5 times in November although has only done it once since January and not for the past two months( without me even bringing it up). I know coke use is normal and social at university but am worried that she could get into an addiction at some point and this scares me
Is her use in line with university students going a bit experimental early on? Or could it signal further issues and I was right for getting annoyed at her.
Logically I feel this is common at uni and it's stupid to believe that she could end up an addict with that use pattern but I'm not sure what you're experiences were with contemporaries at your college and casual drug use so who knows.
| HISTORICAL | {
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FTanSQrasM9zyuzK4SdeDcZ7LnZnBac4 | azapyy | {
"description": "not closing after my manager sent home a closer for a stupid reason",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not closing after my manager sent home a closer for a stupid reason? | For context, I work at a fast food place that closes at 10 pm. We typically have 4 closers.
We have one manager who is specifically known for being a hardass and kind of an asshole. There’s also a very reasonable suspicion of homophobia considering how he treats some of our gay employees. The other night, we were already understaffed. A couple people agreed to stay later so we had the bare minimum amount of closers. I was scheduled until 9, an hour before we close. At about 8:45, One of our gay employees, with whom this manager has found unreasonable excuses to get mad at him before, was taking an order, and the customer’s card got declined. The employee says he’s fine and just lets the customer get his food, and said he’d pay for it later. The manager gets wind of this 5 minutes later and sends him home because in the managers eyes he basically let the customer get away with theft, despite the employee offering to pay for it once he went and got his wallet from the back.
So, we’re down to three closers with 10 minutes before I leave, and this manager says “so you’re staying and closing.” He did not ask if I wanted to stay and close. I had homework to do, and I was genuinely pissed at him. I told him “no, I’m not closing. I’m scheduled until 9.” One of the other employees got upset with me for not staying. My rational was 1: I was scheduled until 9, and I’d have to stay an hour and a half later. There were a few people scheduled until 10 but not close who would only have to stay for half an hour later, 2: I had shit to do that night. I’m still in high school and have a lot of homework and 3: It’s not my fault there weren’t enough closers. It’s not as if people called in sick. The manager willingly understaffed us. It was his fault.
TL;DR, Manager sends home a closer for a ridiculous reason, asks me to stay an extra hour and a half since we’re “understaffed,” I refused for several reasons and got called an asshole for it. | HISTORICAL | {
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iJLW33QaWaZeMWQj7ebV4bpm5y0EzRE7 | aplon8 | {
"description": "breaking guy code",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for breaking guy code? |
AITA for talking to my wife about a friend's bachelor (stag) party?
So I read a AITA about a guy who didn't tell his wife details of his bachelor weekend and got in trouble for it and it reminded me of this situation from a few years ago (tldr at the end):
My best friend since junior high was getting married. He'd asked a mutual friend to be his best man, which was all good, this friend was having a shitty year (lost his father to suicide) and was pretty much as close to the groom as I was, so it really was the right choice. This mutual friend ('Best Man' from here on out) knew that it was a tossup between him and I and came to me and said that if I wanted to stand up and say a few things at the reception as “co-best man” he'd pass the microphone off to me. I was really happy about the offer, it was unexpected, and, more importantly, I was really looking forward to standing up and passing on my well wishes to my best friend and his wife so I readily agreed. The reason I was looking forward to the well wishes part so much is that we're a group of ballbusters. I care about the groom a lot and I know he feels the same way about me, but it's one of those things that stays unspoken and it'd be really weird to bring it up one on one. But, as odd as it might seem, it'd be way less weird to stand up in front of a room full of people and tell them how awesome he is (yea, that all may not sound healthy but it's who we are). This was an opportunity to make sure he really knew how important our friendship is to me and for me to let him know what I really think of him despite the ball busting.
So the best man sets up the bachelor party a week before the wedding, pretty standard stuff. Lots of booze, hired strippers, lap dances, etc. Now, the bride had a pretty good idea what was going to happen, she didn't approve per se but she didn't make any demands on the evening and she wasn't going to turn it into a fight. Basically, she just didn't want details, which is cool enough on her end. My wife and I on the other hand have a different relationship. My wife has zero objection to strippers, she gave me shit the first time I went to a strip club specifically because I was broke and couldn't possibly be tipping well enough. She's always trusted me then to know our lines and not cross them and I've always held true to that trust (this time was no exception).
So Bachelor party happens, just drinking and strippers, exactly what everyone expected. My wife asks me about it the next day and, not thinking anything of it, I gave her a rundown of what happened. That's just how our relationship works, she told me the details of her own bachelorette party right to my face (strippers were involved with hers. I didn't have strippers at mine, my brother was planning it, it would have been weird). She knew that the Bride didn't want details and she for sure wasn't going to be running to the bride with what I told her.
So cut to the rehearsal dinner and this exchange between me and the Best Man:
Me: "something, something about finishing up my speech for tomorrow"
BM: "You don't get to make one"
Me: "What?"
BM: "Yeah, you talked to your wife about the bachelor party. You broke guy code, you don't get to make a speech tomorrow."
Me: "What? Did she tell the Bride?"
BM: "No."
Me: "Is the Groom pissed about it?"
BM: "Not that I'm aware of."
Me: "Well, WTF?"
BM: "You broke guy code, man."
and that's where it ended.
I. WAS. PISSED!
but it was the night before my best friend's wedding, that weekend was about him and his wife, I was most definitely NOT going to make it a thing. So, I tamp down my anger, proceed with the night as if nothing happened (got a little more drunk that I'd planned on but nowhere near drunk enough to cause issues)
On the ride home I tell my wife about it and ask if she said anything to the bride, or if she said anything to anyone about it. She said she definitely didn't give the bride details, she may have said something to someone just about us having a conversation about the party but she wouldn't have gone into detail. Honestly, she couldn't remember and frankly, I couldn't remember whether or not I had said to someone that she and I had talked about it. I certainly wasn't going out of my way to talk about the bachelor party (especially in detail) but I very could have easily said, "Yea, my wife and talked about it" if someone brought it up.
So, I rant and rave a little on the ride home. Honestly, there's no way to tell who let it slip that we talked about it because it didn't seem like something worth hiding so none of the ranting was directed at her, it was all directed at the Best Man.
Next morning is wedding day. The groom has some shit that needs doing at the venue. I show up early to his house to head out with him to ostensibly to give him a hand, but really just to be there for whatever he needs (in my mind, what a best man should do but the actual best man wasn't planning on doing) The Groom was going to be sitting at the venue alone for 4+ hours otherwise. While the groom and I are there having a drink at the bar I asked about the night before.
Me: "So did you hear Best Man told me I could stand up and say something today but went back on it last night because I 'talked to my wife' about the bachelor party?"
Groom: "Yea"
Me: "Are you mad about me saying something to my wife?"
Groom: "No"
Me: "Is the Bride mad about it?"
Groom: "No"
Me: "Then WTF?"
Groom: "I dunno but it's his call."
And that's as far as I was willing to go into it. Again, that day wasn't about me at all, I wanted to know if I'd pissed off the Bride or Groom and that's it. I put my game face on, played nice and had an overall good time (almost made the wife cry before the ceremony because I told her she was family and meant it, she did get a little mad I almost ruined her makeup : p). I was still pissed but I very effectively compartmentalized it and had a good time (exactly what I was supposed to do).
I feel a bit like an ass because on some level I made a part of their day about me (only to me and my wife, though) but I missed out on a rare opportunity to share heartfelt feeling with my best friend and his new wife.
So AITA for telling my wife what went on at the bachelor party when she asked then being pissed about the Best Man's response?
(To make one thing clear: the only person, to this day, that even knows I was pissed off is my wife. Clearly, I would have been an asshole to make an issue of it, I didn't.)
TLDR: Best friend's wedding. Best Friend choose another close friend to be his Best Man, which is the right choice at the time. Best Man labels me co-Best Man, tells me I can make a co-Best Man speech. Then, at the rehearsal dinner, tells me I can't make a co-Best Man speech because "I broke guy code" by honestly talking to my wife about the bachelor party (she asked what went on, I answered truthfully). Details of the bachelor party remained in confidence (Bride didn't want to know and wasn't told), just the fact that I talked to her caused the speech offer to be rescinded. I got pissed at Best Man but didn't let anyone (aside from my wife) know I was pissed.
| HISTORICAL | {
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17JU4ZESSdtfUPFd9NbzbWFQw0g5MJfG | aqih32 | null | AITA groom wanted me to pay $$$ for groomsmen suit. | Background:
I was good friends with this guy in highschool and the beginning of university. However i went through a really really hard time during my honours (master equivalent). During this time he was consistently a terrible friend and I ended up not speaking to him for a few years. Eventually i started speaking to him again because it was convenient since we shared a larger friendship group but we haven't been close since. I see him maybe 1 or 2 times a year at large get togethers.
The situation:
A few years later he asked me to be one of his groomsmen at his wedding. I was quite surprised because we barely saw each other and weren't close but i though it could be fun, so i said yes. 6 months go by before he starts organizing things. At this stage he casually drops on us that he wants us to buy these suits from a department store and then have them adjusted by a tailor. This will cost $600 for only the jacket and pants, not including the shirt, tie, shoes and gift we'd still need to buy. I explained this was more then i could afford, I offered alternative shops that where the same quality but cheaper etc. Without writting a months worth of conversations down, things went back and forth and he wasn't very understanding that i couldn't afford it. So i told him he should replace me and I'll just go to the wedding as a regular guest, which is what happened.
I could have come up with the money but we weren't close and I think if you want something different from a regular suit that's more then $250 you need to pay for your groomsmen. | HISTORICAL | {
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Gz2VoXIJYoCqCy17Qm1pNoQ5p9y0HEZv | axw73m | {
"description": "embarrassing my cousin for masturbating in my bed",
"pronormative_score": 171,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | WIBTA for embarrassing my cousin for masturbating in my bed | Sometimes my(15f) cousins come over to visit , and they stay at our house. I let my male cousin(15m) take my bed and I sleep downstairs on the couch with my female cousin.
One time i had forgotten my charger and walked into my room without knocking to get and caught him touching him self. Whatever I dont care. It’s natural I just asked that he not do it in MY bed.
Well I ended up catching him again (he doesn’t look the door) and I got pissed of because I felt he disrespected me. He basically told me to piss off, it’s his body I have no say, and I’m being a bitch.
I really don’t care if he masturbates I just don’t want him doing that in bed. At the end of the day IM gonna be the one washing the sheets not him.
I’m thinking of calling my aunt and uncle and letting them know about his disrespectful behavior towards me, but before I do that I wanna know is this even a big deal, or am I being a bitch? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 171,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 171,
"WRONG": 13
} | RIGHT |
OguhFNglOEFKRXzRVCf1IdczbQzDXa4E | atp67e | {
"description": "wanting to run for president of my college club",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to run for president of my college club? | Sorry for the clickbait-y title.
I'm a part of the club at my college dedicated to a semi-niche hobby that I'm really passionate about. Last year (I had been in the club for 2 years technically, but had only really been attending meetings & active for 1 year), during elections for the following year (this one), the officer team decided that whoever was elected vice president would become president. At the time, I didn't have too much of a stake so I voted for the person that's currently VP and ran for another officer position (which I got).
Since then, I've had some disagreements and frustrations with how the club has been run, and I've felt like a lot of my suggestions and complaints have been ignored or pushed away. I try not to air my dirty laundry publicly or anything because I think it's important to put up a unified front, but other people in the club and in the non-collegiate community of my hobby that I talk to have told me independently that some of the choices the club has made have been weird and/or frustrating. Elections for next year are coming up soon and the VP taking over as president isn't in our club constitution so I figured that was a hope rather than a rule, so in our group chat for officers I was like "hey, what's the process for running for president" because I thought I would make a good president. Some of the other officers agreed that the way we did things was a little weird so we agreed to have a meeting about it.
We ended up having an officer meeting where we were told, basically, "the VP earned this, they deserve this, and it's a douche move to try to take that away from them." In addition, we were told that the way we have to charter our club is really convoluted and the organization we're chartered under is super inconsistent with their rules, so this was partially so that the current president could spend the year training the VP to become the next president.
AITA for wanting to run for president? I get that we voted for VP last year, but the decision to change how the president got their job wasn't made by the full club, and I think it's weird to expect people to know 2 years in advance who they want the president to be, especially since most of our members are lowerclassmen and might not have even been members for very long (including, by definition, the person that gets elected as VP). | HISTORICAL | {
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C1uQ74ht1i1ni0sFwugiUuAHE7MSDIqh | aa088e | {
"description": "being frustrated at family member exposing my 3 month child to the flu",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for being frustrated at family member exposing my 3 month child to the flu? | We recently visited family for Christmas, and everything was fine except my niece caught the flu a few days before Christmas. Her parents still came around, and sister in law insisted on holding my child. I did not want that, but was told to "not worry" and that "shes too small to get the flu".
So the SIL still held the baby. Now we are back home and my wife has the flu. I am worried that my baby girl will get very sick. I have heard the flu can be deadly to children. Naturally I am extremely pissed at this point. In our family group chat, my wife informs the group she has the flu. SIL tells us this flu is the worst and to quarantine my wife. I say "Thanks for letting us know. Would have been nice not to have been exposed. We will manage. But, I am kinda low on PTO, so."
Ensue chaos. Everyone is pissed at me, including my wife. My other SIL said, it's not like they got sick on purpose, and I think to myself, "They could have chosen to stay home and not spread the flu, on purpose..."
Apparently potentially infecting a baby with the flu isn't as bad as sending a frustrated text. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
6OHabNCEt3Kv7YVztIuPKeRwY497VyzK | adm0f5 | {
"description": "crashing my roommates party by blasting death metal",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for crashing my roommates party by blasting death metal? | I recently moved into a place with two random roommates. I get along great with one roommate, the other not so much. A little info on him- very spoiled, parents pay for rent, groceries, etc. never does dishes/cleans/lets stuff mold, etc. just generally gross roommate stuff. Also, he is an Alcoholic/cokehead- I was warned by first roommate after I moved in not to leave alcohol in kitchen or problem roommate would drink it and generally take forever to pay back.
So, this roommate likes to party. A lot. Most nights (weekdays, weekends, whenever) roommate will go to bars, get plastered, come home w/ randos and do coke all hours of the night. My room is on other side of kitchen wall and this noise keeps me up all night, even with ear plugs. I have work at 7am most mornings (and go to school after work) and this was severely pissing me off. One morning after this occurred, I approached roommate with something like “hey man, I have work early in the mornings and when you bring people over during the week it gets loud and I can’t sleep- can you keep it to the weekends/be quiet after midnight during week?” (VERY reasonable in my opinion) Roommate said no prob he would do so. Not even 3 days later, same deal. 2am-6am Tuesday night, singing queen songs and doing blow. Other roommate is not happy either but doesn’t like confrontation, and noise doesn’t hit his room as much.
I decide I’m sick of it, and one night while they’re going at it I walk into living room with my Bluetooth speaker, turn it up full volume and blast the heaviest screaming death metal I can think of while smiling/kicking feet up on couch and twiddling thumbs. Everyone calls me an asshole but leave and I am able to get some sleep before work. So, was I an asshole?
TLDR: alcoholic cokehead roommate sings queen all hours of night on week nights keeping me awake before work, I decide to blast screaming death metal to make him and his friends leave. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
9MDLLSKyFr5ajGGrcQ2TxR1nK6kVeBR7 | a41npg | {
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend a week after we moved in together",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend a week after we moved in together? | Posted this over on another sub but I'd like your feedback as well.
We were very close friends from middle school, high school, and college. Then after 5 years living in different states we started a long distance relationship. We've been planning to move in together for years untl we finally did it just recently. I secured our house and arrived first, then he arrived about a month later from our home town.
The plan was mutual; leave our pasts behind and use this move as a fresh start, to drop our bad habits and totally transform our lives.
It's been weird. Kind of disappointing. He's very much the same person I knew from back then, maybe too unchanged from how he was in high school. And different in a few ways that have been effecting me negatively; mainly he has a huge lack of self discipline.
I've been working on myself for the past couple years, to quit smoking, wake up early, stay fit, hygenic, and ward off depression to great success. When we lived apart he used to tell me how he can't wait to walk with me and eat like me to lose weight. Now that he's here he has some excuses to not go out, and sometimes encourages me to stay in as well. He also has a stubborn fastfood and soda habit with no desire to stop.
Though I still go out and do my thing, I start much later because I often want to stay up with him watching his shows and playing games to spend time with him because we both work during the day.
He doesn't heed my advice. He wants to lose weight but doesn't want to eat differently or excersize. I was under the impression he wanted to move with me to change his life but it's not turning out to be the case and it's honestly such a bummer that his motivations are so different than mine. I thought we could help each other but as the days go by he keeps rejecting my help.
In short, my schedule has gone haywire and we literally eat different meals every time of day.
This morning we were talking and ended up in a weird one-sided argument because he thought I was blaming him for something menial, though I wasn't.. Sort of like the last tiny straw that broke the camel's back. I feel it's too soon for this to be going so awry and I'm already considering an end to this relationship. The trouble is the recent move and living together even after our initial plans have crumbled. Don't know if breaking up now is exactly strategic or if I should wait it out a bit longer. And still I wonder if I'm just being an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
SJUagWX2pT2tlJXRRIesZOmvwfJ7HWgw | 9vc3t0 | {
"description": "being annoyed at employer for donating our Christmas party budget to charity",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being annoyed at employer for donating our Christmas party budget to charity? | So basically I work for an international company who decided to donate the entire companies christmas parties budget to charity. There were reasons I won't go into for fear of identification.
Myself and coworkers feel like this is a bit of a dick-move... not the charity donations obviously, but which pot of money they have chosen to donate. They aren't donating any company profits or senior staff bonuses, they're just taking away one small joy from their low level employees. As one person paraphrased the decision "we really care about this issue, but not enough to put our own money towards it, just our employee benefits". They have not asked us if we are happy to do this and to be honest if they had we would have said yes, that's a much better use of the money. They could even have asked for donations and I'm sure most of us would have put something to the cause (albeit probably not quite as much as the company would spend per head on a party).
But of course now we are looking to organise our own christmas party which will be self-funded. So I feel like I'm now out of pocket having to pay for it, and I really don't earn much to start with, and already donate what I can to charity and even volunteer on weekends. I guess if I was really that hard up I could just not go and as I'm writing this I'm feeling more like an asshole and starting to think I know which way responses will go.
But I'm still interested in what everyone else has to say, so AITA for feeling disgruntled that our employer has done this without asking us first? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3spsaTuUuehFbTGFU56DASlnQFzxC4EO | akju2y | {
"description": "telling my step-mom I'm no longer comfortable calling her \"mom\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | WIBTA for telling my step-mom I’m no longer comfortable calling her “mom”? | Obligatory long time lurker, I’m on mobile, etc.
There’s a lot of context to this. To start, when I was three months old, my mother passed away from horrible lung cancer. No one knows how she developed it, and she was taken from the world far too soon. I have only a few pictures and don’t know much about her.
A year after her death, my dad remarried. We’ve always referred to it as “our wedding” because it was the start of a new family with the three of us. I was only just over a year old at the time.
Growing up with three branches of family was weird. I’d get confused in elementary school, trying to expand my family trees. Because I had two moms and one dad. We’d visit all three parts of the family and I just assumed it was normal after awhile. Sure, it was hard to explain, but it’s how I grew up. Now that I’m older, I know it’s not normal. I don’t know a single person who calls their step-mom “mom.”
It’s a bit different for me. My parents made the decision when they got married (again, I was only about 1 at the time) that I would grow up with her as “mom” and that was fine. I don’t have many memories from childhood, but I guess they were good at explaining it because I wasn’t confused. I had mom, dad, and Anna, my real mom who I referred to by name.
Now that I’m older, I hate not knowing much about her. I only learned of her birthday two days ago. We never bother celebrating or doing anything. It was never even mentioned to me. Maybe I’m just too emotional about it, but I would have liked growing up celebrating my mother’s birthday. Similar to this, I’m sick of calling her by her name. It’s so impersonal and I want to respect her as my mom.
I’m not religious, but if she’s up there watching me, I want her to know that I think of her as more than an entity that means nothing. She’s my mom, and I think it’s time I can call her that. And just like that, I will say that the decision to call my step-mom “mom” that was made by my parents is no longer sitting well with me.
I’m not sure if this sounds like a validation post so far, but here’s where it gets complicated.
My step-mom has a lot of problems. As someone with diagnosed depression and anxiety, I see some of my own symptoms in her. She has celiac and meineries (?) disease. Without going into what those are, it basically just means she can’t do anything. She stays at home, does laundry, occasionally goes shopping, watches soap operas, and takes her daily nap. To me, it seems like a miserable existence. I don’t know how she does it, living.
She’s very sensitive about all matters regarding the fact that she’s not my real mom. Any jokes or lighthearted comments I make about her “not being my real mom” or “they might think you kidnapped me because I’m not adopted” are always taken horribly. I know that some of those might have been dick moves, but I only mean them as a way to poke fun at our complicated family situation. She doesn’t see it like that.
And now that I’m 17 and old, I want to connect with my real mom more and part of that for me is respecting my true family connections that have been kept from me. And the idea of calling my step-mom “mom” just doesn’t seem right anymore.
WIBTA for telling her this? I don’t have to stop calling her mom, but I know she’ll be heartbroken no matter what I say if I bring it up. Thank you for any responses, no matter what the feedback. It’s been hard a hard topic me lately, and I just want to move forward with the least amount of damage. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
crMTGBXyIjdRp0uJ7fA8LOCPqSIv7uqk | b2n6yg | {
"description": "taking my sons video games for vaping",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for taking my sons video games for vaping? | Throwaway because my family knows my main.
So my son is 17. He’s a fairly good kid. Always had good grades, never really got into trouble, etc.. it’s also worth mentioning that he’s been playing a lot of video games at his sisters house recently, more than my husband and I would like. this year starting out he got caught vaping at school. We took his keys and all that and we thought everything was good. Well about 3 weeks ago I found a juul pod in a pair of shorts. I haven’t seen him wear these shorts in a long time and they were stuffed under his bed so I figured it may have been from when he got caught before. Just to be safe I bought a nicotine urine test and tested one morning when he forgot to flush and he tested positive. We had a talk and he ended up lying at first then told the truth once I told him I tested him. I took his PS4 from his sisters and I’ve never seen him this mad. He keeps insisting that I couldn’t take it because he paid for it and it wasn’t in our house, etc... I told him to get it back he needed a job and needed to pass a nicotine test. It’s been a week and he has a job but hasn’t passed the test. He destroyed the juul and gave it to me but I’m waiting for the nicotine test to test negative. It seems that we just argue every day and it gets worse. He’s never been mad for this long. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
vd4UGd4jdHRxQgxMbCbBcIluwRYNRXSy | b7xfqf | {
"description": "not letting my dad kiss my son/his only grandchild",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not letting my dad kiss my son/his only grandchild? | A little long. My dad is 65 and has been smoking cigarettes since he was 13, I believe. He has worked for delivery companies (think FedEx, UPS) his entire adult life. Played hockey growing up and has always been a "mans man." Then my spouse and I had our son, and all that melts away and he is a huge softey around the kid. I hate cigarette smoke and have voiced that my entire childhood and asked him as soon as we got pregnant to stop or find a less stinky alternative. He tells me no problem and how excited he is.
For the past 10 or so years, he has had this now nickel sized sore/scab thing that continues to grow on his face that we are all sure is cancerous but we aren't doctors so what do we know. We suggest he goes to a doctor but because he is a private contractor, his deductible is super high and he refuses and always makes an excuse saying, "I will soon."
Cue baby being 4 months old. My parents move closer to us, mostly because mom is retired and wants to babysit. Our son is always over there and I am too. I've noticed coffee cans on the back porch, which have used cigarette buds in them. Confront him on that and I understand how hard it is to quit so I offer help (buying patches and what not) and he says hes got it dont worry.
Now, 15 month old baby stays with them regularly. Still smoking, no signs of quitting but a lot less and never at his house. I assume only at work. He doesnt kiss him but gives me grief about it each and every time I pick him up. Saying how much he loves him, how he wants to give him kisses, etc. I finally said well that thing on your face, we all have no idea what it is and its leaking fluid randomly (he keeps a bandage on it.) He got offended, cursed at me and blamed high insurance prices and I left not wanting an argument. My mom isnt sick by any means and she kisses him, but that doesn't mean I want my kid to get kissed.
But, am I the asshole for not letting my father kiss my son when I dont know what is on his face/leaking from his face? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
4b7WaVvvDUovCotKZ1ltr9Z3vEvViAWw | ahj2hi | {
"description": "being fed up with my sick partner",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being fed up with my sick partner? | My partner is sick. Fever and cough. Seems like a flu. I have immune system issues and can become sick very easily. I made them soup and they refused to eat it because they said they were nauseous, but then ate a bunch of junk food while I was at work. They call me into the room every 30 minutes to “feel their forehead” even though I’ve expressed I’d rather not be around them because I can become sick super easy. I do it anyway, because I don’t want to be mean. They yelled for me and I ran into the bathroom and they asked me to rub their back while they vomited. I did. Four times. I just say there and rubbed their back while they dry heaved. It almost made me vomit.
I spent yesterday cleaning and spraying everything down with disinfectant, washing clothes and bedding, etc. I slept on the couch, because I don’t want to get sick. I asked them super nicely to please stay in the room. (it’s a master with an attached bathroom and I said I’ll bring them anything they need) They came out to the living room and woke me up several times throughout the night to “feel their forehead”. I did and told them to please stay in the room. Woke up and realized they had “cleaned” the kitchen. Aka put clean dishes away and things WITHOUT WASHING THEIR HANDS FIRST.
I feel like I’m going insane. I explained why it upset me, strapped on my gloves and respiratory mask, and cleaned and disinfected everything again. They’re refusing to wash their hands, refusing to cover their mouth when they cough, etc. because they “don’t feel good”. They won’t even take medicine. I’m going insane. I feel like I’m watching a sick 4 year old. Am I being an asshole or am I justified?
*they just called me in the room to complain about being hot. I offered to turn the heat down or off. They said no. Told them to take the blanket off. No, because “then I might get cold.” SEND HELP. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JBuDnTG5msEl8VcQBqaV9gwwY39sbv2s | amndl6 | {
"description": "talking to two coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for talking to two coworkers? | Long one: I work in a corporate office and have two female coworkers who are both my age and pretty attractive. One of the girls and I started at the same time and the third was hired a month later. I kinda talked to them individually because our cubes were spread out and it seemed more natural because of the timing. We all three went out for drinks one night had a good time As time went by I took the third coworker out on date and we hung out pretty frequently after that, but nothing consistent.
Fast forward about a year. I have been out with my coworker quite a few times on dates and she slept over, but nothing more than making out and nothing as far as a relationship because he was a little hard to get and focused on her career. The other coworker who started when I did is friendly at work and constantly complains to me about her boss over IM. Over the summer we hung out twice and I dog sat for her over a weekend. We had a fun connection at work as we worked on the same projects but I never thought she was in to me, she said she would never date a coworker after lunch one day.
Just this past week, girl #1 was acting a bit weird and then on Friday they both went to happy hour. I noticed tonight they had both deleted me from Snapchat. I’m running through the possibilities and I’m starting to think they both had feelings and something came up at HH and they spilled to each other. The coworker I dated was trying to keep it super secretive at work but one night she asked if I ever dated the other girl (based on one day that her new bossed asked if me and girl #1 were because we talk at work a lot).
Am I an asshole? I don’t feel like I was playing them but based on the facts it seems like they are both pissed after finding out the other one is talking to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oeAL3qqoPLhChMLs9yYL1BuoHxJgh1df | ak9grs | {
"description": "putting a \"tip jar\" up when I drive Lyft",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for putting a “tip jar” up when I drive Lyft | Info: I’m a 22yr old college student trying to earn money for books, food, and some occasional fun. I tried working a regular job only to have my grades fall.
So I’ve been driving Lyft for a few months, and it didn’t take me very long to notice that MOST people don’t tip after their ride. No matter how great the ride is (I usually have pretty good convo, and I offer amenities like a charger and usually give the riders a chance to pick the music for the ride), most people just ride and move on with their day. I receive a tip 10-20% of the time according to my ride history. Although it makes me angry, I’ve pretty much gotten used to it.
Here’s the thing- tips make the difference between earning decent money (15-20 an hour) and earning less than minimum wage on some days. It gets really shitty sometimes, especially since Lyft/Uber drivers have to use their own gas (don’t get paid) to travel to the pickup location. This may not seem like much, but with gas prices going back up, it really adds up over time and eats into the already terrible pay.
I understand that I can get another job, but since I have class during the day and really don’t want to sacrifice my studies, I pretty much have no other option. The freedom that ride-sharing gives you to work whenever you want is a real benefit.
***So to try to boost my earnings,I grabbed an envelope and wrote “Tips for gas and rides that didn’t suck” on it and hung it in my car. Although when I have it up, I usually do get more tips than normal, I kind of feel like an asshole for possibly pressuring people into giving me a tip. Sometimes I can tell it makes people uncomfortable. ***
TBH I have a problem with the fact that most people will tip their waiter but not their driver. I feel like giving someone a ride is much more personal than serving at a restaurant, as it requires more personal conversation, and you literally have their life in your hands while they’re in the car. I feel a good quality ride + good conversation + a few extra amenities is equivalent to a waiter giving you good service in a restaurant (what else can you possibly do during a short ride to campus or to the store). Maybe because people don’t know how little I get paid? The app makes it really easy to tip, but since people don’t see that screen until after they get out the car, it’s a lot easier for them to stiff drivers on the tip because they don’t have to do it in front of other people and will probably never see that driver again.
Am I pressuring/manipulating people? If so, how can I encourage tipping without being asshole if I’m already doing my best to provide a good service.
TLDR: I drive Lyft and the overwhelming majority of riders don’t tip, so I put a “tip jar” up to help encourage/remind people. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eWv7obFNClPD7YNtnSInSnjTNMa1V8KM | a77v1d | null | AITA wife and female friend think I’m a perv. | So a little bit about me. I love consumer technology. Build my own PCs, I’m old enough to think smartphones are black magic, and I just got a google home mini in a dirty Santa with my friends. I always say I’m going to start streaming but I’m just not good at games and I’m not good at hosting streams. I’ve given it a go though once or twice so I have the Logitech stream cam and obs installed. I also work a lot and I like to download games and updates while I’m at work via chrome Remote Desktop.
Well this is where the google home mini comes in. I got it this past Sunday and 2 smart lights for it. Needless to say this is another one of those black magic things to me. Naturally my first question while at work tonight was will it work when not connected to my LAN? I fire up Remote Desktop and obs so that I can actually see the light. It’s off so I open the google home app and hit on. No luck. I realize pretty quick the light switch is off and message my wife asking her to turn the light switch on. She complied after trolling me and just eating a bowl of cereal staring at me through my webcam. Eventually she turns on the switch and I get to see my black magic in action from the next town over. Pretty sweet right?
Well it was until my wife starts telling me her best friends is upset and they think I’m a creep because my wife’s friend had walked past my PC in just her underwear and a T-shirt. Now whenever she did that obs wasn’t open and I obviously wasn’t watching or connected via Remote Desktop because I’m at work. I’ve shut down my pc remotely because it bothered them and told my wife I would be relocating my pc to an empty room. However my wife is still convinced I’m a creep and refuses to talk to me AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bZjqDbicfZYSWGicr0R0U9OH1fl98VXl | b4xnui | {
"description": "not wanting to hold hands with a guy who has deformed arms",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to hold hands with a guy who has deformed arms? | Alright alright hear me out becuase the title makes it sound worse than it is.
So I was on a dating app and matched up with a guy with some sort of arm deformity (is that the polite way to say it?). No big deal. I'm all about personality and how someone treats others.
So we start chatting and ge asks if i ever kissed someone. I said no (Im 22 btw). He asks if i would kiss on the first date and i responded no since I'm not comfortable with that. He then asks if I'd be willing to hold hands. I said probably not becuase i just met you and this is a first date.
He gets upset and pressed me after i told him I wasn't comfortable and says "why? Its just holding hands?" And i say "Becuase I'm just not comfortable with it."
Now its got **NOTHING** to do with his condition. If he had normal hands I still wouldnt hold them on the first date. I've never really dated anyone before and don't want to rush things.
So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CzJH9KbJNdOB2TCcbfRMnj4rDNZNQEWn | apbrdf | null | AITA for this in occurrence in a movie theater | Hi AITA,
Roommate has been praising this sub to me all week so I figured "I know how this may go, but I want the fine folks of reddit to nail it down for me." He was there and can back up the truthiness (Hi roommate probably reading this)
I was in an IMAX viewing of the film First Man with my roommate, both of us are dudes (important later). As the opening moments roll I see that the woman next to me is on the phone. I'm one that always gives the benefit of the doubt because I too have had the last minute "oh crap my phone is not silent" feels and had to take care of that after the lights have dimmed. So I just shrugged that off and didn't screen look to judge. A few minutes later about the time Neil bounces off the atmosphere and has to make a crazy landing, out comes the phone and clearly a messaging app appears. In what I hoped was a nice low whisper I said "Ma'am please put that away." and don't feel I was incorrect for doing so after the second appearance. Her response was "... Really?"
I replied with "Yes."
"Ugh... idiot."
That one threw me a bit. I replied with "Well I could ask the ushers..."
"My uncle is in the hospital." <- This line was said such that I only gave it a 20% chance that it was true. 1) If you care about who is in hospital you ought to maybe not ditch and see a movie (if he's local) and 2) if it's so important take yourself to the sides where you won't be interrupting folks' movie and make extended phone time for calls or texts. I gave an "I'm sorry" that sounded to be like "Sorry for your uncle" and not "sorry for asking you to put your phone away in a dark theater." I then move my drink between my legs and give her the arm rest as a subtle polite move. I also thought maybe it would keep my drink from "accidentally" spilling.
So, the movie goes on. The film is kinda dramatic and tense at times in the wild world of space but it's peppered with humor so it works really well to draw a laugh. For example this speech is in there and I gave a chuckle [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_RaRC6YuYCQ&ab\_channel=bazi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RaRC6YuYCQ&ab_channel=bazi)
Every time I would chuckle she wouldn't side eye me- she would turn her whole dang head and stare at me. This happened at least 4 times after I first noticed it. Could have been more. The previous mentioned drink was an ice cold coke zero (delicious). The carbonation got to me and I had what I'd call a 1 out of 10 of a belch (mouth closed, milliseconds long ). She turned to me again: "Scuse you." I didn't thank her. I was that moment out of drink so I would not have the opportunity to be scused again as it was down to 4 or 5 ice chunks. Lucky me.
&#x200B;
Here's my AITA judgement zone:
End credits roll and the lights come up. She reaches in her bag, jacks the phone brightness up to max, and promptly places it 3 inches from my face and asks "Is this bright enough for you?" Within a beat the top was off my cup and ice landing on her lap. That interrupted the word "you" and she leaped to her feet knocking my drink with a slap then following up with one to my face nearly knocking off my specs. Mind you I train martial arts so I have been hit harder and I just smiled/laughed. She started pointing at me and my roommate and gave a "You and your little boyfriend" and my roommate was like "You don't have to be a d\*ck and a bigot" then as she was yelling at me and retreating the usual "you don't know who you're messing with etc." while fleeing I just said OK and my roommate followed up with "You're a bigoooot." I never reacted to her other than the ice (no liquid) and the sarcastic "ok" to her empty threats.
&#x200B;
So fine folks of reddit. AITA?
&#x200B;
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bIUbdUfojuUHQGDZhNF42ft5zwKdbN3P | adusz9 | {
"description": "hiding my brother's Xbox because of his crazy fortnite addiction",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for hiding my brother’s Xbox because of his crazy Fortnite addiction? | For context, my brother is in middle school. Ever since Fortnite came out he’s got more and more addicted, to the point where he’ll easily put 10+ hours a day on Friday and the weekend. My parent’s rules are he can only play on weekends, but he sneaks weekday playtime too when they’re not home. His behavior has become extremely bad, with him yelling at all of us and using profanity with his friends over game chat that I didn’t even know when I was his age. He honestly has no respect for any of us anymore, and his grades have been below average every semester since Fortnite came out. When my parents do ground him from the Xbox, he’ll literally scream and nag to the point where they cave in and give it back. Because they know I don’t take bullshit from him, my parents told me to hide the Xbox somewhere without telling them. He paid for the console, but even if I’m the asshole for hiding it, I’m still doing it, I just want to hear all of your opinions. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 46,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 46,
"WRONG": 19
} | RIGHT |
shPUfxrefXP90Vrvl5lJ87aijCCYrAzL | b5y6zf | {
"description": "confronting a friend about my feelings of abandonment",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for confronting a friend about my feelings of abandonment? | TL;DR at bottom. Also I’m typing this on reddit mobile so sorry about formatting.
So for some background, I have been friends with this person ever since I was 12 years old, we are both now 20. I’ve also always been a little bit in love with them and they are aware of this, but it’s never been an issue within the friendship, as the feeling was mutual, however, I wasn’t out as queer to my family yet. I’m very emotionally attached to this person, they’ve been one of the closest friends I’ve ever had.
My friend grew up under an abusive and emotionally manipulative mother. They were hard to hang out with because they’re mother would always make them cancel last minute for absolutely no reason. My friend got a full ride to any college in our state for being super smart, but they dropped out due to mental health issues. After they were finally away from their mother, everything kinda broke in their head, all the abuse finally got to them. They were diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar disorder, and depression.
That was three years ago. They’ve moved around quite a lot, and have been trying to figure out how to live. They’re getting better and I’m very proud of them.
Now here’s my explanation for my feelings of abandonment.
I used to text them about everyday, with either little or no response. I branched out to messaging them on discord, tumblr and other social media. Same kind of response. Sometimes I wouldn’t hear from them for over three weeks at a time. And I felt bad for messaging them so much because they’re struggling with their mental health. But they’d always be like “I miss you so much! I’ll talk to you soon! We should talk more!” Etc. And I’m unbearably loyal so I always respond enthusiastically and then I’m left on read for weeks.
At this point I haven’t heard from them directly in months. I only send messages once every week or so now. I don’t get any response. I’ve been feeling more angry about it recently, as I’ve seen them almost regularly post on tumblr (with LENGTHY additions to posts) and being active in group chats that we BOTH are in, almost regularly sending messages. And yet I never hear directly from them. I feel like we’ve drifted so far apart and I’m struggling to keep the friendship and I feel it’s completely one sided. However I feel like I can’t say anything because I’m worried I’ll cause harm to their mental health or that I’ll just make them worse.
Am I being selfish? Would I be the asshole for confronting them about my feelings? My heart aches when I look at all the unanswered messages I’ve sent.
TL;DR: my friend has a lot of mental health issues, I message them, get no response for weeks. However I’ll see them posting frequently online and active in group chats we both are in. I don’t want to overstep and possibly trigger something related to their mental health, but I feel abandoned. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
i2wntRySE7dsa9OKw3v9STM7WN764rF1 | b19zh9 | {
"description": "telling my gf not to call our black friend \"boy\"",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for telling my gf not to call our black friend "boy"? | My girlfriend calls people "boy/girl" sometimes the way I would say "dude" or whatever. Several times when hanging out with a black male friend of ours, she's called him boy in the "damn boiii" kind of way. He's never said anything about it, or even visibly reacted to it, but I can't help cringing every time it happens.
I assumed it was common knowledge in the United States that white people calling black men "boy" used to be a common, demeaning, and racist phenomenon, but when I told my girlfriend "hey, maybe you shouldn't call ___ boy anymore," she had no idea what I was talking about. She insists that it's not a big deal, I'm overreacting, and that's just the way she talks, but I'd rather not take any chances making our friend uncomfortable, even if he knows it's not intentional. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
YSRW3aKSj4qe3woVQmjOkE6dKaa3ebX1 | a8inr4 | {
"description": "sleeping with someone else while separated from my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Sleeping with someone else while separated from my girlfriend | A bit of background info. This is an old problem but has been bothering me in the few years since her and I broke up (Dated from the end of 2015 to late 2016). This girl, she has a unique name so im gonna call her ana, we had dated for around a year, but near the six month mark, we had a fight and split up. I struggle with clinical depression as well as Post Traumatic Stress, and she was tired of dealing with my symptoms when they arose (no, i was not abusive. I just became very secluded, along with the paranoia and trust issues that came with my ptsd). We broke up, and around a week later, another girl (im gonna call her Alyssa) who had been very supportive in my life for a while, decided to tell me she had feelings for me. One thing led to another, we ended up having sex, but soon after we both agreed we were better for each other as friends. Next month comes around, Ana apologizes, we get back together, but i refrain from telling her about my encounter until a few weeks after. After that, she began cheating on me (About 5 times, 4 of which i didn't find out about until after we broke up the second time) and was generally cold and dismissive of me until we broke up the final time.
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uK7iPjPqEziVqXj92KVYo6LWrDNcEZL5 | awi8wa | {
"description": "not wanting to share my games with my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to share my games with my best friend? | I've always loved video games and only recently I've started spending on them, I'm really proud to own a decent enough library by now, my enthusiasm kind of made few of my friends and Co-workers actually buy games than just pirate them. My best friend bought a PlayStation few weeks after me, with one game, but I've bought many titles I've really dreamt of playing. I don't mind sharing, but his idea of gaming is not to have own copies, he wants to rent or borrow. He's been asking me for some titles to share with him, but that's kind of a let down for me because I know how much work people put in making them, it's his mindset on this subject matter that irritates me. I even offered to buy for him, which he obviously denied. I don't earn much, the meagre amount I save, apart from other expenses, for my monthly spending is what I use to buy new games which costs nearly 20% of the savings. But he's my best friend and we often had arguments over copyright and piracy of games and other media, although he agrees it's bad, but doesn't care much. We also don't get much time to play due to work and family priorities. Still, I think if you can buy a gaming console then you should buy games as well. I don't know how to tell him No, but I also feel bad for thinking about denying his request. Am I a selfish asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
UGprZXBJXXNhERMaYYbgSLE6nANP7rCB | b9rflc | {
"description": "excommunicating my cousin? aita for not letting my father meet his grandson",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for excommunicating my cousin? AITA for not letting my father meet his grandson? | Some backstory: my father isn't a part of my life at all. He divorced my mom when I was 16 but even then I was indifferent. I was indignant for a while because it was particularly hard on my mom but it didn't affect me personally that much because he was largely absent to begin with. One further step removed didn't change my life. We're cordial but don't see each other. I have seen my father once in the last ten years, and literally only for ten minutes in passing (wasn't planned). He lives on the other side of the country.
I had a son two years ago. I never told him because he's not involved in my life. Last week the wife and I had our wedding anniversary and my cousin babysat for us. I learned after the fact my father was in the area and my cousin brought my son to him for a visit. They planned this in advance apparently, and my father didn't come to me directly because he thought I'd say no. And I would have. You can't forge a relationship with your grandson if you failed to with your son.
I never would have found out this meeting transpired if I didn't see him in a Facebook post my cousin made with photo. I blew up at my cousin and told her she's not to be involved in our lives anymore.
AITA for parting ways with my cousin over her actions? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
LHb13zy7lZPqV5jrkMHBAKYB9YYrou5m | atyzvq | {
"description": "not chasing her around anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA , i dont chase her around anymore. | This is my first time post on Reddit , English is not my native language and I'm on mobile, so sorry.
I have a friend (we have been hanging out for about 2 years , she is at the same age as me(both f25) and I should say from the start that she is very spoiled.
Anyway we used to work together so we were seeing each other daily, after a year I quit my job and since then I've seeing each other about one time per week. She used to call me all the time to meet and most of the time I was available, Everytime I couldn't meet her she was throwing a tantrum saying stuff like ' oh okay then I won't call you again we're not friends anymore' and I was feeling guilty (it's how I am as a person in general) and I called her a couple times saying I was sorry , even though I didn't do anything wrong (at least from my point of view). She was doing this repeatedly so I told her to stop cause I was feeling awful and guilty but of course she said she was joking. Everytime I called her to meet and she couldn't I was being chill and it didn't really matter to me . Anyway she found a boyfriend and now she is available only when her bf is working. She called me this week I forgot to call her back cause I was busy and then texted me. We chatted a bit and told her wanna go out for drinks? She said 'mmm don't know we'll see'. I didn't text her anything and u don't plan to. I'm really tired of this behavior. Am I the asshole or I'm just going on an endless guilt trip?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
M3SZG1WZjhc1npc8vozwWIo14tEf6wtr | anbo3m | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone | Basically, there's a kid in my school that I don't like at all but he thinks im his mate. would I be the asshole for saying I don't want to be his friend? I don't want to come across that way. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LhjVzwZz2ukop7sceJXTED6CjFRmMCKP | aoo3ud | {
"description": "confronting my gf about her weight",
"pronormative_score": 91,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA - I confronted my gf about her weight... | I casually brought up how we should start working out together or have meal plans... and holy fuck did it ever escalate. She started screaming that I’m calling her fat and I stupidly said “well I’m concerned for your health I don’t care how much you weight... but chips for breakfast is not healthy.” Yup.. big fuck up. I tried explaining to her that I don’t give a shit what the scale says but I’m worried about her health and it might be fun for us to workout together. I knew it may not get a great response but I didn’t expect this at all. I thought she’d see that I’m trying to help and that I care. I’m attracted to her still, I’m madly in love with her. But what if, it gets worse than it has been and it’s my fault for not saying anything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 79,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 9
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 91,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
gpYLj7vMqSj4t6x2wnI64fULtDtMumoT | ayo4e2 | {
"description": "mentioning to my boyfriend that I like the idea of a threesome",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for mentioning to my boyfriend that I like the idea of a threesome? | My boyfriend (22 M) and I (20 F) have been together for 2 years. We're extremely emotionally intimate and very commited to each other. Yesterday we were casually discussing random porn concepts, and I said that I like the fantasy of a threesome, being dominated by 2 men, etc, etc. He asked "how is that practical?", referring to the positioning, so i brought up some examples. And suddenly he got super pissy, wouldn't let me touch him when I asked what's wrong, got up and left the room. I followed him, and repeated the question, and he said something along the lines of, "How would you feel if I expressed the desire to sleep with 2 girls other than you?" I said that he already had, and that I considered it a normal fantasy, emphasis on both "normal" and "fantasy". He said that he felt paranoid towards me now, and pictured the image and just feels grossed out.
I apologized 5 or 6 times over the evening. I offered to cook dinner to make up for upsetting him, even unintentionally, and even though I felt he was overreacting. I hugged him, explained that it was a fantasy and did not intend to make him upset. He was cold and distant. There was a LOT of drama for the rest of the night, he brought up past fights, I cried a lot, kept apologizing but he kept his attitude. Whatever, just give him time, I thought, even though I was upset.
Today we woke up, he tried to hug me and I wanted to stretch, so I momentarily denied the hug. Well, boy, did he not like that! He gave me the cold shoulder for the whole damn morning. I finally started reacting, saying that I didn't know what else to do to make this up to him, and didn't deserve this, and that he blew it out of proportion. He said I didn't try hard enough to apologize like I meant it, and I had turned away his embrace.
Wth? Am I in the wrong here? I know we are both possessive of each other (and currently in a stressful LDR) so I try to be understanding, but this is too much! I am visiting for 5 days now, and it seems like they're gonna be hellish because of this stupid fight.
Would you get so upset over your SO describing a threesome fantasy? What should I have done to soothe his anger?
TL;DR I described a threesome fantasy to my LDR boyfriend of 2 years and he got really upset and paranoid about it, created a lot of drama. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6B6xC7rGNxk7yt4zB4p9qZpi99f3A1Dr | anyv28 | {
"description": "asking my brother what my 78 yo Dad's issue is",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA For asking my brother what my 78 yo Dad's issue is? | My dad comes from a very long line of sexist idiots. If a girl is born in the family, you have nothing to do with them. In short, girls are only good for reproduction and cleaning. This means he can't stand me.
Now aside from his distaste of me, he has been a complete douche of a person let alone a dad. He cheated on my mom with my brother's and my babysitter. A woman with a full grown 'stache. Evidently she was psycho, he and her kept breaking up and he would end up with my mom again. Then he would go back to the 'stache. Rinse and repeat. He finally left Groucho and went back to my mom one last time before cheating on her with his new wife. This woman made Satan look like a cuddly teddy bear.
Now in this time, my mom has moved on and remarried. Unfortunately, her husband eventually passed and she was a widower for some time. Then my dad's wife passed. And the two thought, let's get back together. A true nightmare. They have been back together for a couple of years now. When I say together, I mean he moved in. They share a bed but have NOT remarried. He couldn't afford to live on his own. Lucky me, I see him too often. They are somewhat happy. My dad has not changed. Still a jerk. Still doesn't like me and he's very controlling to my mom. Which was made worse when she was diagnosed with stage 3 bone cancer. He thinks he knows everything. Even if it isn't what my mom should be doing for her health, he says do it. I try to help at their house but he refuses to let me. Currently, my mom is in the hospital in very bad shape. She asked me to get things from her home. Old dad wouldn't let me. The icing on the cake, he sent my mom a text saying he prefers my brother to me. Yes, he did this while she has cancer and in a hospital. Fantastic guy. She cried, of course.
My question; since my jerk of a father wants nothing to do with me and apparently loves my brother more, WIBTA if I ask my brother what is my dad's problem? I feel like I am not going to be able to care properly for my mom because I am being denied that and he is going to send her to her grave before she has had a chance to fight.
TL;DR my "dad" hates girls and won't let me do what is right to take care of my mom, whom he has treated like garbage over the years because he prefers my brother to me. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
OcLnWvlsnTCL8F7pLqedKBcUBi68M00j | avjbes | {
"description": "leeching off of my friends science project",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | WIBTA if i leech off of my friends science project | Nearly a month ago we were assigned to do a science project, it is due tomorrow and i haven't done anything. Previously my friend and i had agreed that we would do our separate projects but now i think i could just plug my name into his project and say we did it as a group. Though this does seem like a bit of an dick move, would i be the asshole if i did? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
Egk4dvBGscTqkTqmDqXSTvZhBZas71c8 | a9w8uw | {
"description": "wanting to kick my 94 year old grandmother out of my home",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to kick my 94 year old grandmother out of my home? | this is going to be a long one. most likely there will be a tldr at the bottom.
so, i live with my great grandmother. ever since i was young, this is all i remember. she moved in on an odd circumstance. my parents personally funded her home for a while, until they figured it would be alright for her to move in on the condition she pays rent. well, she doesn’t pay rent, and we have to pay her credit card debt.
of course this is brushed off, she will most likely be in a home soon and we won’t have to deal with it anymore. well, we still are.
she is manipulative imo, of course that could be biased because perhaps i am the asshole. she states my dad is good for nothing (despite him being the one who funds the very house she lives under) she acts as if she runs the house: certain things cannot be cooked, certain chores must be done at certain times, etc.
she also overfed my first family pet to the point it caused damage and we eventually had to put the poor thing down; and then blamed it upon my father for choosing to kill ‘her dog’ and ‘not letting her say goodbye.’ this isn’t even the extent of anything. this has caused me so much anxiety as a teen i don’t know what to do. found this subreddit and was curious what everyone thinks, considering my family believes im the asshole for wanting her to move out.
sounds easy enough, just move her out? no. she wastes her monthly check gambling (bless her at her age, though it’s tearing my life to shambles.) and then says she has no money to fund anywhere to go. family won’t do anything and whenever i voice my stress i am told to just ‘be nice’ she also manipulated her own daughter, saying, in her own words, “if you put me in a home i’ll die a week later.” is that manipulation? i don’t know, seems like it to me, but i’m attempting to leave potential bias up for interpretation.
so here i am, living in a home i find to be hell. i have my parents but they don’t even care, thinking it’s something i need to brush off. i have developed a god awful mental state due to this.
so, AITA? someone bring me down to earth if i am. i’m at a loss.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
FQgu5eOV5Orj2Xt1xuPU9RZJ0ZYqpxip | ao0mhn | {
"description": "getting mad at a friend who told her sister I'm pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at a friend who told her sister I'm pregnant | Throw away account. Let me just start off with the obligatory formatting apology because I'm using mobile.
I recently told my friend I was pregnant, at the time I was nearly 7 weeks, so I asked if she could please not tell anyone as we still were yet to have a scan. She said she was happy for me and reassured me she would not tell anyone.
10 or so days later I get a message from her sister congratulating me because she had just heard the good news. I immediately message my friend telling her that I do not appreciate her telling anyone, and that I still have family to tell (my own brother doesnt even know yet, not to mention grandparents etc)
She argued that I am being unfair because I have known her sister for a long time and her sister doesnt even know my family. She said she weighed up the situation and decided that it couldn't not negatively effect me and that her sister asked how we were going with trying to conceive (side note: I never told her sister we were TTC, so obviously my friend did) and she couldn't just lie to her. So she decided it best to go ahead and tell her.
I told her again that she had no right to tell her. She continued to argue that I was being irrational and unfair, that I had no right to be mad. She even asked her sister for a second opinion and her sister agreed that I was not being reasonable and even sent me a follow up message asking me not to be mad at my friend because she is just happy for me. I continued to argue that I was upset because she betrayed my trust.
In all fairness I was harsh with her - she has a history of not owning up to her mistakes and calling people unfair when they call her out.
So, am I the a-hole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fikZh5bWHvMAaxMihXnwWHRm12x9uqRP | av8chf | null | AITA when a girl I liked complemented on my shirt, but I responded in a weird way. | So there's this girl when I was in middle school and I can't stop thinking about the situation if I was an asshole or not. I was wearing a Nintendo t-shirt and I usually wear jackets on top of my t-shirts and no one really sees what's under my jacket. This is one of the first times I took off my jacket. One of my friends said that she liked my shirt and I replied "Oh, I didn't have anything else to wear." because I'm used to people making fun of my looks a while ago. Then she actually said "No I'm actually serious." This kind of boosted my self-esteem and I just said "oh, thanks." Am I the asshole for not saying thanks in the first place? Also we don't talk anymore, not that we don't hate each other. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KHhBQR8DXOh8eh2LjQ8fN1k0DqZ9Msmr | audfnz | {
"description": "refusing to let someone's child in front of me at a parade",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for refusing to let someone's child in front of me at a parade? | So last year I was fortunate enough to be able to visit Europe, and we stayed in Paris for a little while. We happened to be around on Bastille Day, which is equivalent to the 4th of July for Parisians. It's a huge day, and one of the coolest things about it is the Bastille Day parade. It's a military parade with tons of vehicles, military members, and political figures.
My family was really excited to watch it, and we fortunately were staying close to the parade route. We got up early and trekked out to the viewing area. We managed to get there early, and we were about 3-4 people back from the barrier. By the time the parade started, that number had risen to 15-20 people.
Close to the parade starting, a family who spoke French appeared behind us with a small child. I don't remember if they had pushed their way to us, or if they were there from the start. Either way, we had been there for a while before we even saw them. The father tapped on my shoulder kind of aggressively and motioned for us to let his kid by to the front. My first response was to just say no to him in French. I understand that it's hard for kids to see parades, and that putting them on your shoulders is even worse than pushing them to the front, but we had arrived first, along with the people in front of us. This man was obviously from France, so I feel like he would have known how insane Bastille Day can be. He got pretty angry at my response, trying to forcibly push his child in front of me. I kept responding no and blocking the space between us. There were two men next to us who didn't seem to care, so they let this kid past. The man kept grumbling to his wife after this, presumably about us.
As the parade started, the kid kept coming back and forth from the front to their parents, at which point I had given up and just let them pass. Here's where my family and I acted kind of shitty. We didn't say anything, but we all kind of stuck close together so that it was hard for that man to see what was happening. He was shorter than us, so he had to kind of peer through the spaces between and around us to see. I'm not proud of it now, but at the time I was angry that we were being hassled by people who hadn't planned ahead and shown up early enough to get a good spot.
I've been really conflicted if I'm the asshole in this situation. Obviously blocking that guy wasn't a good thing to do, and I feel kind of guilty that I as an American blocked this French person and his kid from seeing a parade that celebrates France. On the other hand, we knew to arrive a good amount of time before the parade started to make sure we could see.
TL;DR: Attempted to stop an angry Frenchman from allowing his child to cut to the front of the viewing area for the Bastille Day parade, even though we arrived considerably before them. We then stuck close together to make it harder for him to see after he yelled at us. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
nSIwRUl2XBQhE4OlyDIJxLhOzsIsVllY | atn03y | {
"description": "not wanting to go to my girlfriends sisters volleyball game",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to go to my girlfriends sisters volleyball game? | So today my girlfriends mom asked my girlfriend if I could bring my girlfriends sister to her volleyball game. That’s fine, I’m happy to drop her off and pick her up, but here’s the kicker, she wants us to stay there and watch the volleyball game to give support. Personally I don’t want to do that, I already do a lot of favors for them and I’m not trying to throw away an hour and a half of my Saturday. Her sister is going to be under adult supervision anyway. Saturday’s are my only day to really chill out and do things that I enjoy. My girlfriend is now pissed that I don’t think it’s my responsibility to watch her sister and that I don’t want to. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
ZkJOiUfuFSu9dJJxiwrj3nN2I5Ajjee1 | b5qhpc | {
"description": "canceling plans last minute with girl for being upset at miscommunication",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for canceling plans last minute with girl for being upset at miscommunication? | I (27m) was out to dinner with ex girlfriend (23f) and at the end of dinner we talked about possibly going back to my place for sex and to hang out and spend the night. Only caveat was that she's an Au Pair from Brazil and her host family might not let her stay over since she had to drive the kids somewhere early in the morning. Our plan was for her to ask if she could stay over and go from there. A little more back story: we broke up about 6 weeks ago but started seeing each other again about 2 weeks ago because she wanted to have sex (and probably more) and I was on the same page.
Back to our dinner on Friday night. As we're walking to my car, she tells me her host dad is very old school and how growing up he never interacted with girls much, but her mom "was a bitch" and had sex with a lot of guys. I asked her why she used the word bitch. And she said she didn't know, that I know what she means. I said, no I don't can you try to explain. And she aggressively told me she doesn't know how to explain and can I stop asking.
At this point, I started feeling defensive just because of the way she talks to me in this aggressive manner (and maybe this is where I went wrong, because I could've given her the benefit of the doubt still, but I kept my cool at least). I didn't think she meant it in a bad way because the context at first, but then I started recalling other times she called her host mom a bitch (just because she tried politely asking my ex to stop fucking up various things lol) and I recalled times when she told me she feels bad about having casual sex and then my anger started to build up because I was just mad that she thinks that way. So my plan was just to go home and cool off and think it over.
She asked me if I still want to go to my place as we get to my car. I say, "actually I'm just gonna drop you off and go home by myself, I'm sorry" trying to sound normal. And she says "what? when were you planning on telling me this?" and continues in her aggressive tone repeating the questions many times in rapid fashion as I respond with "just now. I just decided". She demands to know why and I say because how she's acting. And then she starts to lose it more and shoots off all these questions in a row until I tell her I think it was fucked up that she calls her host mom a bitch and it sounds like she thinks very negatively about girls having sex. And then she tells me of course she didn't mean it in a negative way and that she doesn't speak English that well and can't explain what she meant. Then shouts that I'm crazy like 5 times, tells me to go fuck myself, that I need to see a therapist, and idk what else for 5 minutes nonstop until we got to her place and she said "bye forever". And so far it has been bye forever.
tl;dr: I got mad at my ex's aggressive speaking style and offensive word choice, and I wanted to go home alone instead of boink. She calls me crazy for getting upset and misunderstanding her and tells me "bye forever" | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
rf7dKy8DCZjTjVjN3daDkrHw84pYY6HB | a9uaii | {
"description": "rejecting someone who wanted more from a \"hookup\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for rejecting someone who wanted more from a "hookup" | So this happened a really long time ago. I must have been 17 at the time, and I'm 29 now, but sometimes when I try to go to sleep this situation still bothers me.
Flashback to when I was about 17, a friend I knew middle school sent me a message on Myspace, or something like that. She had moved about 8 hours away, but said she was coming back to my home town for a little bit and wanted to hook up. Nearly all of her messages were sexual from the start. Being single, I figured "why not". We dated for a few weeks in middle school, but I figured we were past that since it was kid shit anyway. Given her approach, I figured it was going to be a no-strings-attached kind of thing, since she was just visiting.
She gets here, we meet up and hook up for a couple nights. I tell her I was kinda dumb for breaking up with her in middle school, since that decision was mostly made based on the opinions of my friends at the time. I was in no way saying I wanted a relationship with her then, just kind of reflecting on how stupid I was when I was 13.
So messages me on AIM when she's supposed to go back to where she lived. She asks me where we are at, and I just say,"What do you mean? You're going back to (place where she lives) and I'm gonna be here. I thought you just wanted to hook up, and I don't wanna be in a long distance relationship."
It's kinda hazey, but I think she said she was moving back to my home town and was expecting that we would be together based on the fact that we hooked up. I told her it was a misunderstanding, and that I didn't wanna be in a relationship, and then I get mutual friends calling me and saying she's crying and that I'm an asshole.
If you ask me, she tried to manipulate me into being in a relationship with her, but I still kinda feel like an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tmjxGaUxe7zKFxAurgd1WfoQEqiQeq0D | actjcv | {
"description": "not greeting my family who came from Colorado for 1 week to see us in New Jersey",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not greeting my family who came from Colorado for 1 week to see us in New Jersey? | I have social anxiety disorder and this family is super sweet. Husband, wife and 4 kids (one girl 14, one girl 16, one boy 18 and one girl 23). I miss them so much, but on the first day they came, I couldn’t get myself out of my room to speak with them. My room door was closed. I’m so shy and timid and they probably see me as an asshole. I see me as an asshole. The next day they visited, I decided to at least say hi. But I was so nervous and shy. I needed an alibi to be safe so I can get out and not get so anxious. So I shook their hands and hurried off to work I was nervous about it—my cousins are so cute and sweet, and I want to ask all about their lives, but I couldn’t do it.
I had 2 other opportunities to sit with them, and I failed each one. It got so bad that my mom texted me from the living room to go out and greet them and sit with them for at least 30 minutes. I couldn’t. Again. Partly because I blew previous chances of meeting them and **it would be even more awkward to finally sit with them after they’ve been here for 5 days probably anxious to meet me**. So I failed again.
The thought of going down there gives me so much anxiety, worry and it feels increasingly awkward since I’ve been avoiding them and they have probably developed negative perceptions of me. The kid they knew, loved, and respected in the past did not even greet them when they visit for the first time in a decade—so disrespectful. I was locked in my room, door closed, didn’t even come down for dinner (didn’t eat dinner) didn’t even come down to refill my water bottle. I feel like a piece of ****.
Today I had an opportunity to sit with them, I really wanted to. They are so cute and I love them. In fact the first day they shook my hand briefly, they were so smiley, cute and they all introduced me to everyone—it was so adorable. They were so happy to see me, and they were CUTE! The cuteness gets to me, it makes me cry. And I feel like I literally stabbed them all in the chest. The disappointed look on their face when I said I had to go was traumatic. I left in such a hurry that day and I had nowhere to go—I went to park my car somewhere discreet while browsing social media until they left.
They go out to the city and have dinners at restaurants and I never once went with them. The idea of eating at a restaurant in public haunts me. I feel like I can’t swallow from the anxiety and fear that I may choke, create an embarrassing scene and then die.
Tomorrow is my 6th and last opportunity to greet them, and I KNOW it will not happen. Even thinking of it now kills me. Add that the added awkwardness of me not greeting them for the last 5 days. Please don’t tell me I must do this—I know I must—but I know I won’t/can’t.
No one in my family knows I have social anxiety. I’ve been good at covering it up. I am too socially anxious to seek professional help. My parents would come up and urge me to greet them and sit with them, and I would have to make a story to them about how I don’t like them and don’t want to see them and don’t feel like they should be coming to my house every day. My parents are permissive of this for some weird reason but don’t like this. None of what I said to them are true—I love that they come here everyday and I’m sad to know they are leaving soon. I love them so much and there is so much I want to know about them.
**TL;DR** After 10 years, family began visited us for 1 week. I have social anxiety and could not greet them. In fact, I stayed locked in my room everyday they came and was very distant. I was so nervous, shy, and it became awkward each day to meet them;I had multiple opportunities to greet them, but failed each time. I have another opportunity tomorrow and know it will happen again. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
RAML5pbpmcev8yvk82BXNeI80NU064gW | aswid7 | {
"description": "not forgiving my husband for being stuck in an airport during our wedding anniversary",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not forgiving my husband for being stuck in an airport during our wedding anniversary? | Sorry for the formatting
TDLR:My husband missed our anniversary because he decided to delay his flight and take some money instead.
My husband is a successful business man who regularly travels for work. He left me for a business trip last week and was supposed to be back for our anniversary (Monday). Over the weekend, there was a huge snow storm that delayed several flights. While he was boarding, he and several other passengers were offered about $1000 each to board the next day. He accepted their offer and missed his flight while he knew he had promised me to take me to a Michelin starred restaurant in our hometown. Instead, he spent his time in the hotel provided to him by the airline and just sent me a voice mail about his situation and how he promises to make it up to me. I was crushed because I felt like he sold me for a thousand bucks that he didn’t need anyway (we are well off financially). AITA for not talking to him and refusing to reschedule the restaurant? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
ltMRTOwrw4o43mstaAWDfsilhEltQSuk | anter4 | {
"description": "blocking my \"friend\" on everything",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For blocking my "friend" on everything? | Throwaway account because I wouldn't be surprised if he's looking at my Reddit.
A couple months ago me and my friend were hanging out in person when I saw him get a notification on a tweet I just sent, I'm confused as I am one of the people who separate my online life and real life. I asked him why he had notifications on and he just changed the topic. Later on I find out he's going through all my old tweets and all my old Instagram posts, and I find it really uncomforting knowing he's doing this. Sometimes if I don't message him back on Instagram he will message me on my discord (Not even sure how he got that) and see I'm playing a game on my status and try to make me feel bad, normally by a "oh, that's what you're doing ... Sorry for bothering you...." After a while I just felt so uncomfortable knowing he's watching me on everything and I blocked him on everything (I told him how he made me feel before I did) AITA?
TL:DR: friend has notifications on for my twitter and knows I don't like my real life merging with my online life, find out he's going through old posts on everything, so block him on everything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kengVrHwHbm29gaIXQt4tVZnQWTpFKOI | ayukp8 | {
"description": "not doing an activity with a friend because he is better than me at it",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not doing an activity with a friend because he is better than me at it | My best friend “Greg” and I used to be indoor rock climbing partners. He started before I did and has certain advantages from being male and taller (I am female and shorter) that make him better than me.
In the last few months, I moved a bit farther and we are no longer climbing partners, but I boulder (individual climbing) at another gym. I really enjoy bouldering alone. I am not yet as good as I would like to be and am working hard on it. Every time I go, I feel really great about myself and whatever small amount of progress I have achieved.
Greg has asked me a few times if we can go bouldering together. I keep finding logistical reasons not to, but at the core I am insecure about bouldering with him and watching him easily complete the routes I have been struggling with for weeks. It’s not like I can learn from him either, as he does not have more technique than I do; he is simply stronger and taller. Although he doesn’t brag or intentionally make me feel bad, it does hurt my ego.
I truly value Greg as a friend and still love hanging out together. I just don’t want to do this hobby with him, through no fault of his own.
TLDR: I don’t want to boulder with my best friend because he is better than me and it hurts my ego. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
EyTqLULbzZ3ILdshhMnpXtG34uK5WnM8 | abyr24 | null | AITA if a friend called me their best friend and I called them my dear friend? | A close friend of mine told me the other day, "I know I'm not your best friend but you're my best friend." I responded with, "Thank you. That means so much to me because you're an incredibly dear friend to me." Since then she has distanced herself from me and apologized for being a disappointment. AITA for not calling her my best friend even though we both know it is someone else? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RZ2uetcA9p4DSYkoB5BpcyvtptzeemOJ | b1h5nn | {
"description": "reporting a friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Reporting a friend? | My friend owns a small discord with several members and the owner and I know each other somewhat well. I was playing games in a call with several members and the co-owner was removing roles as a joke. He started by removing a purely visual role for me and giving me a "gay" role and then proceeded to give back my visual role when asked. Then he removed the roles of a moderator and then gave them back. He then bragged about how because he knew the owner in real life and knew secrets about him, he wouldn't be punished. I reported to the owner after he mentioned knowing secrets because I didn't want the owner to have anything bad happen in real life. Am I the asshole after he got his perms removed? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XnoaeaCQSTP1wDio9JIHpJmbyhzOF1VS | alb3n1 | {
"description": "snapping at my co-worker",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for snapping at my Co-worker? | Obligatory on mobile, so formatting yatta yatta.
First, a little backstory is in order.
I am chronically ill and have several conditions that mean I have to see a lot of doctors. Yesterday I went to see my primary care (I haven't seen her in over a year, as I've been seeing specialists instead). She says its not long before one of my organs fails (without seeing any of my tests, or sees my specialists notes, she just assumes and has a bitchy attitude about it). This coupled with lack of sleep because of my job and a bunch of other stressors has left me on edge for two days. I am very volatile, and so I'm isolating myself as best I can to avoid collateral damage while I try to keep my composure.
One more piece of info you need is that this co-worker, (we will call him C), and I have been kind of seeing each other. None of our co-workers know, and we've both agreed nobody needs to know. We don't do anything even slightly flirty at work to avoid arousing suspicion. He also knows I'm stressed and the other day he asked me about my past, and I told him a bunch of stuff that left me feeling very vulnerable and I'm still feeling weird about having told him about it when I know I haven't dealt with it properly.
Fast forward to just a few hours ago. At the beginning of the night, I told him point blank that I am not fit for human interaction as I am in a very bad mood and very volatile, so he was giving me a little bit of space and not engaging me in conversation (which I appreciated). About 20 minutes later, I needed to take a piece of paperwork to another co-worker (K) and with a bit of an attitude said I should make K come to me (I was still going to take K his paperwork, I was just irritable). C tries to take K's paperwork from me to take to him. I told him don't and pulled it back out of his hands. He tried a second time to take it, this time I pushed his entire arm up and away from me (without hurting him, obviously) and told him to knock it off, that I can deal with it. C sounded upset and said "I'm just trying to help" and left quickly. I ran to the bathroom and burst into tears before collecting myself and taking K his paperwork. I haven't spoken much to anyone all night, and I have been especially short with C since this happened. He asked if I wanted to hang out during our shift, I declined. He also apologized for "bothering me". I didn't respond. I know I'm too irritable to respond in an adult manner, which is why I was avoiding contact in the first place.
Still, I feel kind of bad that I yelled at him for trying to help, but I feel like he didn't need to do that and that his actions were not work appropriate, considering our agreement.
Am I the asshole for snapping at my coworker/guy I'm dating? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
89XK7g31Z4AsNJj9WcvdOkurouJAYP5U | 9z8ust | {
"description": "suddenly moving out and leaving my mom with an unexpected $850 more rent",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I suddenly move out and leave my mom with an unexpected $850 more rent? | In the beginning of August, me (20), my boyfriend, and my mom all moved into an apartment together to be closer to our school/her work. I had been living with just my mom before this and I didn't pay rent and she bought me clothes/groceries/anything else. I did a lot of chores whenever I was told because of course she was providing for me. Now me and my boyfriend both pay 1/3 of the rent each at this new place. My mom pays her 1/3 and the utilities. I buy all of my own clothes and groceries and anything else I want. My mom and I have a rocky relationship due to many reasons.
When I was a kid she met a man who became my stepdad and lived with us for 10 years. He was VERY emotionally abusive. He was constantly yelling at me for everything. He would tell me I was stupid, fat, make fun of my acne and my makeup. He was always telling me my opinion didn't matter since I was not an adult. He punched a hole in my bedroom door, threw my lamp against the wall when he was mad at me, broke my phone when I didn't do my chores, I was grounded every other week for something cleaning related. I was treated like a maid and punished if I didn't do everything after school or didn't do it good enough. One time he made me do his laundry and I got yelled at and called an idiot when I folded his pants "wrong". He always told me he would "beat my ass" if only my mom would let him. He would smoke in the car and I would get called names when I said something about the smoke blowing back into my face. I had to hear him yell at my mom every night when he got drunk and ripped her favorite purse apart, or tried to rip her wedding ring off her finger. I had to hear him beat our family dog after he ignored him asking to go outside to pee. He made me live in fear of the next time I would be punished. I still immediately shut down when I hear someone yell. Through all of this my mom stood by and watched. For 10 years. She gets annoyed when I bring up any of this. Like I'm supposed to forget about it and never mention it, just so she doesn't feel guilty for not doing anything. She gaslights me when I mention some stuff. I don't think I can ever forgive her for standing by all those years. She divorced him when I was 17. But now she is back with him, going on dates and vacations, staying over at his house. I guess I can't say I didn't expect it but it just makes me feel so bad. He texted me the other day and said him and my mom decided that "we" are having thanksgiving dinner at his house this year. I told him "I can't, I'm going to \[boyfriend's\] parent's", and he called me a "fucking brat" to my mom. She agreed with him. I'm so over being treated poorly by both of them.
When they were broken up she would go from guy to guy and they would always be put before me. She would go stay at their houses for days when I was still in high school and lived at home. She would go to their/their family's house for every holiday and leave me alone. One time I cried and begged her to stay home and spend time with me, but she refused. This is when our relationship really began to get cold and distant. When I went to college she NEVER asked me how school was going. I would get in the car when she picked me up for weekends/breaks and she would immediately start talking about her boyfriend, what fancy place they were going to this weekend, what food her work provided for her that day. If I brought up something relating to my classes/my life she really just wasn't interested. I would see my friend's/boyfriend's parents being interested in their lives, asking about school and grades and how they were feeling. This hurt me so bad that my mom doesn't care about me like that. I struggled with some very bad depression my first years of college, and I broke down and cried and told her I was depressed and I felt like she didn't love me or care about me and I needed help. Her response was to turn it around and say pretty much "I guess I'm a terrible mother and you hate me". She couldn't even try to pretend like she was interested in my life. She is still this way but I have since given up any hope that she will care (I have told her more times how I felt since then and it always ends the same way) and our relationship has gotten even more cold. I got a new job a few months ago and she has seriously never once talked to me about it.
When we all moved into this apartment I thought it would be fine. I thought we could just be roommates, whatever. Well first she claims the driveway as her own even though we pay our fair share. We are never allowed to park our car there, we have to park in the visitor lot and walk to the apartment. Okay, she pays utilities I guess. She invited my sister over to spend the night when my sister didn't have a car one time, telling her that she would drive her home the next day. So my sister, her boyfriend, and her kid come over. Her and her boyfriend make out in the living all night, they leave their trash around the apartment, they leave their dirty dishes everywhere, they eat my groceries that I pay for when I didn't expect to have guests over and I have a weekly grocery budget to stick to. The next day she doesn't want to drive them. They are here for 3 days before someone can finally drive them. And I get told that I'm selfish and treating my sister poorly for asking them to please not eat my groceries. I'm not the one who invited them over. I told my mom that I pay the rent here and I have a say in things. She pretty much told me that I don't have a say and to get over it.
That's the final straw. I thought I would finally be treated like an adult with a say in anything since we all moved in together and we are all paying rent. We yelled at each other the other day because she is trying to give me "chores" to do. Now, I am perfectly okay with cleaning. It's my house that I live in too, of course I'm going to clean it. But she is trying to assign me chores that she wants me to have done and I get "in trouble" if I don't do them. I don't want to be treated like I'm a kid who doesn't pay rent. Me and my boyfriend do a fair amount of cleaning. We both work 20-30 hours a week and have school for \~15 hours a week. We are busy and we still do our fair amount of cleaning.
At this point I have had enough. We are constantly arguing and I'm done being treated like a kid when I pay rent and pay for all of the stuff I need. I am disgusted that she is back with the man who abused me and ruined my teen years. I barely even see her as my mom anymore. She's more like an annoying roommate. I am going to see an apartment on Saturday. I would be moving out at the beginning of December. I can't help but feel guilty though. If we move out then she would have to pay an extra $850 a month. I feel extra bad that it's around Christmas time. I know that she can afford the apartment on her own. She spends a lot of money on random things she wants, like clothes and shoes, so she would just not be living quite as comfortably. She is always shopping. I also have not even told her yet that I'm thinking about moving because I don't know how she will react. She will probably be angry and I do not want to spend the rest of my time here getting treated like shit. I don't even think she wants to live with me either since she told my (ex)stepdad that I'm an ungrateful brat and she can't wait to live alone. The money is the only thing I feel bad about. Am I the asshole for suddenly putting this on her and moving out with no notice? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
3hzO12xU50XUHvRnzwPLHqsmCOLSzdht | b9jzz7 | null | AITA told my girlfriend she should consider getting help for self esteem issues? | Bit of a backstory, we often get into discussions which turn to debates and then arguments about how she looks. I think shes gorgeous and wouldn't change her for the world, however if she wishes to improve herself I am fully supportive. She knows this.
I tell her every day I think shes beautiful, because I genuinely do. That doesn't cut it for her though. There are plenty of comparisons to other women, over analysis of other women and other situations, paranoia regarding me cheating when I move away later this year, jumping to conclusions, etc.
So in our most recent conversation, turned argument, she sent me a video of a feminist speech. The segment I saw was of the woman telling other women how they are "told to look a certain way" and "forced to be a certain way". In modelling, acting, or careers alike this may be true. But not in general life. The biggest problem I had with this though is that she said "society tells us we arent good enough". I believe we are our own worst enemy, in order to succeed we must overcome that voice in the back of our head saying we arent good enough or that we cannot do it. I don't think blaming everyone else on that is fair.
If one wants to better oneself physically then they must find it in themselves to dedicate themselves to it. Rather than blame society for telling you you arent good enough.
As the debate progressed I told her that in order to feel healthier and happier you must overcome self esteem issues and seek help. Much like those who suffer from anxiety and depression should seek help.
My girlfriend didn't like the sound of that and told me she couldn't believe I was making her out to be a mental case. I didnt argue back, I told her the way she acts isn't healthy and causes her a lot of upset. I know its not her fault, and have told her this, but I think professional help would definitely help.
As long as I've known my girlfriend she has had these self esteem problems. I thought because she had never really had a real relationship, this could help her. But jealousy and paranoia (probably due to immaturity as it's her first relationship) kind of took over and left us here.
Am I wrong for suggesting she gets help? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
0EDHtLMsV5GM0PNDFTrnuetG0DAPo9s4 | aqv9xh | {
"description": "not treating sensitive people differently",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not treating sensitive people differently? | So I'm a bit "rough around the edges", but definitely not mean. If I have a good idea for a comeback or there's just an easy hit at someone (that someone is always my friend or at the very least someone I know pretty damn well), then I'll take it. Most people just laugh, say "omg savagee" and then go about their day.
Now there's this one girl who I sit with in class. I know her pretty well, have done for several years, but wouldn't consider us close friends. Although we tend to hang around the same people. The thing is she's extra sensitive, and I'm mindful of that. I don't treat her the same way I treat everyone else but I don't want to tip-toe around her either.
The other day she said her cat was staying with her aunt for like a week or smthn bc her parents are away and she doesn't have time to take care of it, idk. But anyway I was like "ha. I'm jealous your cat can just get away from you like that" and then she like burst into tears. And everyone in the class looked at me like I was the world's biggest asshole. This kind of shit happens like once a week. And additionally, even when I have tried my very hardest to onLY be nice I find it really hard because she takes hits at me and I can't say anything back. Like she'll say I look fat, joke I'm gonna die alone, blah blah blah. Am I just supposed to sit there and take it just because she cries when I respond?
Additional info: Overall I'm pretty nice to this girl. I lent her my book, gave up my seat to prom so she could have it (found my own lift), stood up for her several times. Yadayadayada. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
vCZjMJsZ3lBurRxqvyfw6htorhkWUOaR | appklv | {
"description": "leaving my family to struggle when I move away",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for leaving my family to struggle when I move away? | Hey, sorry if this looks awful.. I’m currently on mobile reddit plus I’m pretty inexperienced on posting. Title looks bad but I’ll try my best to explain the situation. This is kind of a long one, so TL;DR at the bottom.
Here’s a little background information: I’m 20 years old living with 2 brothers (18/21, I mention age so everyone knows they’re actual adults not kids) and my mother.
So, these past few years have been.. kind of turbulent for everyone. We used to live with my mothers ex for over 7 years, my best guess is he helped out economically but he was rather abusive emotionally and mentally towards her. 2 years ago, she decided that it was the right moment to end it finally and move away. Problem being, she didn’t have enough (or basically any) funds as she didn’t have a job. So, I used all my savings to move us to another home with our grandmother. I mention our grandmother because she was the reason my mother didn’t have a job, she had Alzheimer’s and my mother cared for her. After the move to this new place, my younger brother dropped out of high school for too many absences and he never sought looking for a job. Every single day, he would just wake up and start gaming.. even asking for money when he knew we were all struggling. A few months into the move, my mother discovered she could get paid to watch my grandmother from home so she finally started making income. The living situation starts becoming easier; my mother looks happier without the abuse (even finding a new boyfriend!) and my older brother and I don’t mind helping out with rent of course.
Fast forward to about 3 months ago. My grandmother passed away due to health complications. Completely distraught, my mother decides to move us closer to her boyfriend. However, she didn’t have the funds so we used my savings again (my older brother who works isn’t great with money as he would prefer to spend it on weed and other personal expenses) and so here we are at the current home. My mother somehow had a job at a local waitressing place for a month as she knew the owner (walking distance from the house) but she said she quit due to stress. So I’m left with the rent and other utility bills with my brother. This isn’t the main reason I’m planning on moving out.. I just know I won’t go anywhere in life if things stay this way. My brother is the only one with a car since the one I bought was “given” to a family member (I was under 18 so I guess it was more without my consent) and I can’t save for a car with all the economic responsibility (plus insurance would be pricey) so I had to drop out of college for them as well (transportation/job issues).
As these few weeks have passed by, my mother and brothers haven’t stepped up. My younger brother doesn’t even help around the house while I’m gone at work. He’ll sleep until noon and stay up on his computer gaming. My mother will party almost every night with her boyfriend and sleep in late to the day as well. I know I sound like I’m ranting, but I can’t specify how.. unmotivated they seem.
Here’s where the move comes in. So, the opportunity I was offered by my friend (who’s military) was to move in with him and his husband and experience a whole new (European) country and eventually get a job there, school etc (basically start a new life) it would initially be rent free, and it‘ll be an escape. I mention this because I wouldn’t want someone to be confused with me moving out of one place just to have the same responsibility in another place. While this is already all planned, I haven’t told my family yet and I’ve been thinking non-stop about the situation I would probably leave them in.. a conflict. However, my decision is made. Probably notify them 2-3 weeks prior to my passage.
Now, would I be the asshole for forcing my family to take care of themselves while I attempt to live my own life?
TL;DR Family not working, rely on me and older brother for bills. I’ve planned to move away soon to leave/force them handle their own bills/get jobs. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xo7CZCPAHdEszK7llVdtv9kF106o0luJ | auo2qw | {
"description": "splitting the Uber costs 50/50 even though there were 3 of us",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 94
} | AITA for splitting the Uber costs 50/50 even though there were 3 of us? | Pretty short story. This happened back around Christmas. My girlfriend and I (we live together) had a flight out of LAX during the holiday week. As you can guess, this can get expensive especially during peak hours and living 45-60 minutes away from the airport. Thankfully, we have a friend who also needed to go to the airport, so we offered to pick him up in the Uber on the way to the airport. He lives just a mile or two away from us but in the direction of the airport.
&#x200B;
The Uber ended up being around $90. Since I called the Uber, I paid for it and then we split ways from our other friend as he was flying elsewhere. I send him a request for $45, half of the ride. Usually, the entire fare would've been paid by my girlfriend or myself as we don't go around splitting everything. We figure that it all just ends up close to even at the end of the day. So I figure that we count as one entity and that my friend counts as another one. He doesn't think he should be paying 50% but rather 1/3. This hasn't really hindered our friendship too much but I haven't seen him since the request for money and he refuses to talk about it when I bring it up unless I'm willing to drop the $15 difference it would be.
&#x200B;
AITA for making a big deal out of $15? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 89,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 34,
"WRONG": 94
} | WRONG |
8wecrKKmerJzDjf01BpnraClrxq9U037 | al9mn9 | {
"description": "telling my boyfriend to buy me a Valentines Day present",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my boyfriend(33M) to buy me (26f) a Valentines Day present? | AITA for wanting gifts on major holidays from my BF?
I (26f) got very blunt with my boyfriend (33M) recently and told him I wanted to do something for Valentine’s Day and expected a gift. I already have his gift ready and waiting (Call off Duty, he has wanted it for a few months).
Y’all we have been together over 18 months. He didn’t get me a present for our one year anniversary this past spring. I also didn’t receive anything for Christmas. Or Valentine’s Day last year. I actually have only gotten one gift from him in almost two years of dating. It was a little thoughtless of a gift too.
I always put a Lot of thought into his gifts and get him unique things he would enjoy but not typically buy for himself. (I.e. roller skates in men’s size 15! A handmade leather whip from Mexico. Etc.)
I don’t want to fight about it but it really hurts me. I feel like he couldn’t even be bothered. I honestly am SO easy to shop for and would’ve been happy with anything, didn’t have to be expensive or thoughtful. Just anything.
Our financial situation is fine. We both have separate transparent finances as well as joint finances. We have a savings. We are set. He even treated himself to a new XBox One recently (clearing it with me as well) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mLbpip0CwsTHWejvSSHRMKlr8rA7bSEp | amh5o1 | {
"description": "dismissing gifts from my fiancee before she gives them to me",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For dismissing gifts from my fiancee before she gives them to me? | I'm outspoken, opinionated, and sometimes this gets me in hot water. My fiancee wants to get me cool, thoughtful gifts. I often state that I'm happy with generic gifts well within my taste preferences and interests. I'm also not a jerk though and am polite when anyone goes to the trouble to get me a gift.
A few years ago, she got me some Beats By Dre headphones. Before she giving them, she casually brought it up in conversation and I told her that while it was a thoughtful gift, I probably wouldn't use them. I needed headphones, but I wanted something easy to conceal so I could wear them during work without showing coworkers and customers that I was ignoring them. She left the conversation deflated and I couldn't figure out why. She later revealed that she purchased them as a Christmas gift but then regifted them after my comment.
Following this, she started purchasing generic gifts and I enjoyed them. Gift cards, movie passes, video games, etc.
This year, she took another chance for my birthday and talked about it all week. She really hoped I'd like it, thought it was cool, thought it was unique and well within my taste. On the final day of our vacation and less than an hour away from the present, we stopped at a sporting good store to pick up a new knife.
While walking the store, she found a wood engraved topographical map of our area and asked me what I thought. "It's cool, I guess, but kind of stupid." She stopped talking. "I mean, I like the idea, but literally everyone has this thing in their house. I think a better map would be all the dead bodies in this lake." She laughed with a sheepish, "Yeah," and the conversation abruptly ended.
When we got home, she waited for me to sit down and then gave me the present. I looked over the box and saw the shipper "....topomaps.com" and my heart just sank. I put on my best face to open the box and pulled out the topo map that I dismissed minutes ago.
I thanked her and told her it was a really thoughtful gift. She wasn't buying it. I really did like the gift, but after my comments in the store, there was no backpedaling. This began an hour-long apology that left me feeling like IATA.
Tl;dr: Fiancee buys thoughtful gifts and can't contain her excitement, so she casually brings it up in conversation. give an honest opinion without knowing she bought it for me and then I feel like IATA when I discover it's a gift. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
5rpctOZHZ9pzNh0kcDMHfMPR3GqYpt9Q | ac85k1 | {
"description": "being upset my bf saved fb pics of a mutual friend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset my bf saved fb pics of a mutual friend? | So my boyfriend was letting me use his computer to write my paper since his laptop is a little better. I saved it on his computer and was going to send it out when I found a few pics of a mutual friend saved from fb in his downloads. They were pics of her at the beach and in a bikini and also one with her in a fancy dress. I confronted him about this and he got really angry at me, telling me that it’s just a porn folder and every guy has one of them. Probably anyone I ever dated has a porn folder with saved pics. I’m totally fine with him looking at porn but it just seems so personal to me that he’s looking at pics of someone we know. Especially since the pics aren’t really for pornographic purposes, they are just from her Facebook. Is it just porn or am I rightfully upset about this?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
d65YGI8YkxQ9JUoJSvhifuQQetxSoDqY | a4pjxu | {
"description": "not pumping my lady friend's gas for her",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not pumping my lady friend’s gas for her?? | Okay, a little background. This girl and I have been seeing each other only for a couple weeks, but we’ve known each other for over a year. Over the weekend she was staying at my place and we have been having a great time. Like we’ve been making each other laugh, cooking together, did a little shopping together, it’s been a good time.
Fast forward to today, I have to go help setup for a holiday party that my work is sponsoring. She and I have been part of the planning committee, so we both are helping to set up for the party. Her and I start decorating one room, while other folks on the planning committee are decorating the other rooms. Once we’re all done, her and I get into her car and she says, “I need to go get gas!” I’m just like okay, yeah that’s fine.
On our way to the gas station we stop at a stoplight and we’re just joking around with each other. Some music is playing and the lyrics said “fuck you thought,” so I repeated it and she said, “What?” I just smiled and said, “Nothing!” Then she laughed and said “Get out.” From there we just joked about me actually getting out, walking away, never to be seen again.
As we pull into the gas station a minute later, she looks at me and says, “Okay, get out.” And I thought she was continuing the joke from earlier so I just smiled and said “No.” Then she sat there making funny faces for 30 seconds and she repeated, “Get out.” I leaned my seat back and said “No” (playfully) again.
After that we just sat there in silence in the car for about 2 minutes before she said, “No seriously. Are we gonna do this or what?” I was confused because I’ve been waiting on her to get out of her car and get gas, so what was it that we were doing? I asked, “What are we doing?” And she responded with, “You need to get out and pump my gas.” I was kind of taken aback to be honest because it’s her car. We’ve only been hanging out as “more than friends” for like 2 weeks. Why would I pump your gas? So I said, “What? No, it’s your car.” Then she responded with, “Oh, so it’s like that.”
And she immediately got out after saying that and started to fill up her car. I was honestly confused because I couldn’t tell if she was joking with me or not.. Then she got in the car and she wouldn’t really talk to me. So, it was a silent ride home, she pulled up to my place, dropped me off, and said, “See you tomorrow.” (We work together..) No goodbye kiss/hug/wave. Pure cold shoulder.
Am I the asshole for not pumping this girls’ gas? She didn’t even ask nicely, just kind of demanded that I do it.. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
TgQBO69nOHS2ibpOb43KHlbYlsvsF4qb | a80ygp | {
"description": "not talking to someone who repeatedly refutes nearly everything I say",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not talking to someone who repeatedly refutes nearly everything I say? | Doesn’t matter what it’s about; just a “that’s not the same thing” or “no it isn’t like that” or “that makes no sense”... blah blah blah. It’s fucking *exhausting* to deal with every damn day. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
azKMX9otw3xi8rvEvmg1ftMRq1vm1jhL | aae6gk | {
"description": "not inviting my girlfriend out with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Not Inviting My Girlfriend Out With My Friends | Title says as it is. I'm high school age, and keep pretty busy, so I don't get much free time. This translates to seeing most of my friends two to three times a month max, so when we get the opportunity to hang out I solely spend my time with them. This is not the case with my girlfriend of two years. I spend most of my week with her, whether it be in school, lunch, after class, whenever; my only reprieve is when she works over the weekend.
Since we get so much time together I don't invite her out with me when I'm with friends. This turned into an argument today, and I don't feel I am in the wrong. She complains about not knowing my pals, but her classes have my people in them. My girlfriend sees most of my friends in school more often than I do. She knows them all and talks to them often, while I'm stuck seeing them the occasional weekend or break.
Am I wrong for not ever inviting my girlfriend to hang out with me and my friends? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2r9GpfeTjN80D9A2zm66Nm09iVtBjpCx | antnld | {
"description": "telling my best friend that hes not a badass",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For telling my best friend that hes not a badass? | This is one of those seemingly harmless yet annoying things that will always eat at you but you dont say anything. Well, i said something.
I have a best friend. Good guy, nice, generous, in general hes always there to help. But hes also really insecure imo. Hes short, like 5'7, and overweight. Yet he also has a crazy image of himself as a badass who can do almost anything.
Im all for confidence but we will be watching a ufc match and he will legit say "Man that guy sucks, I bet I could beat his ass."
Hes dead serious. He has no athletic background and no fighting training yet he thinks he can beat up a pro fighter with 15 years of training.
Ill tell him how im progressing on my sprinting and instead of saying "good job man" he'll say "thats cool dude, i can do that too". After i trained for 4 months every day.
I challenge him to a sprint, I dominate him. He says the only reason i won is because i avoided a puddle and he didnt. Its the most annoying shit. Like why make excuses? Just accept the loss.
Recently hes been having issues with a guy we both know, whose current military and has been for almost 20 years. He starts telling me how he could destroy this guy. I reply that he couldnt, that the guy has literally killed people, then he retorts that in the past he beat up a marine. He has NEVER mentioned this before.
Like why cant you just admit youre not bruce lee? Like whats wrong with being normal?
So i tell him that hes bullshitting, that he couldn't do the things hes saying, and that he doesnt have to lie to impress me and that its weird. Now hes pissed at me, saying im being a dick. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7u3Ytwwtm8YlPXuaT0jlMqbuf3HxKOlg | aq3fww | {
"description": "getting mad at my mum for going to an expensive vacation alone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting mad at my mum for going to an expensive vacation alone? | I'll add some background information so that you may know where I'm coming from.
My mum (38) separated from my dad (49) 2 years ago. The thing is that he married her when she was really young (18), so she never got the chance to travel alone.
I'm not mad at her for travelling alone, I encouraged her to do it. The problem is that she spent an extraordinarily amount of money in that vacation. She stayed in a hotel that charged her $257 dollars per night. She stayed there 10 days. That's not counting what she spent in the plane tickets, food, transportation,etc. So in total, she spent what she earns in a whole month in that vacation.
I know that what she does with her money is not my business but, she literally doesn't have any money saved. She doesn't even have health insurance. She doesn't have a good credit score because she was a house wife for a good chunk of her youth. I think that it's an incredible stupid decision on her part to spend all her money like that.
I tried to be gentle while telling her that I don't like with the way she spent her money, but she told me that I had nothing to worry about. That she had everything under control and that she needed to find herself, so that's why she had to travel alone. And that this won't be her last alone vacation. That she plans to do it at least once a year.
I know that she doesn't have everything under control. But I don't know what to do. It's not my place to control her, and I sure as hell don't want to. But I want her to be able to peacefully retire. I want her to be able to pay for my sister's (5) education. I want her to be able to have her own house and her own car. But she doesn't know how to save money, and that makes me angry and sad.
I'm sorry that this is too long, and I understand that I may be an asshole for being mad at her for enjoying what she couldn't have when she was really younger.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
05hUKn5Jmc289ECf73MX7vyE7I1B9LYu | au6rnq | {
"description": "not caring about Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not caring about Christmas? | Obviously this happened a couple months ago, but I only just found the sub, so here goes.
This was Christmas 2018. I'm somewhat depressed but still reasonable as far as I'm aware. My Mum flies an hour or so to be with me and my brother since the rest of our family is pretty dysfunctional. Anyway, my Mum cooks this nice Christmas lunch. I'm asleep because my sleep schedule is fucked and my meds knock me out for a minimum 12 hours and make me feel pretty groggy when I wake up, so my Mum wakes me up and politely tells me lunch is ready.
No problem, I get up, put some clothes on, and feeling groggy and gross, go to join them for lunch. Unfortunately they are playing Christmas carols REALLY LOUD, to the point where you have to shout just to have a conversation over lunch. Now, I'm not a fan of Christmas, I feel like it's just a capitalist scheme to make you buy shit, but whatever, I still think it's valuable for time spent with family etc... I politely ask them to turn it down (not off) because I like to be able to actually hear people during a meal. And my brother says "BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS" to which I angrily respond "I DON'T CARE" - this makes my Mum turn away and start crying (maybe because I was an asshole, maybe because of the deterioration of my mental health, I don't know). My brother said something like "good one, idiot". I didn't apologise but I feel we ended up having an okay-ish meal.
AITA? Even though I was in a fairly shitty state and didn't want to interact with people, I feel I was doing my best and I didn't think it was unreasonable to turn the headache-inducing (in my groggy state) music down so that I could have an audible conversation over lunch, especially since there were only three of us having a quiet meal, so it's not like I was killing a family party. While I do think I maybe responded a little strongly, I don't think it was to the point of being an asshole. What do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
ZwJUBBNVMXocjdZbxi8cyYKVGiiT9WkR | b4fzjh | null | Aita Found dogs but they kept escaping so I left the gate open | I found two dogs outside I wanted to keep them overnight to get themscannaedtonsee if they have owners or leave them at the shelter. I have three dogs and no room for two more. They weren't getting along so I set up a cozy place on my porch 100% surround from bottom to top and a path to the back yard with food and water but somehow they keep getting out so I left the gate open for them because they keep coming back to chill and go out for a bit and I plan on getting them in the morning to take them in because They haven't left for long. Just a bit and come back. I live in a trailer park so the neighbor hood is super quiet. I just feel so shitty that they can't be with us. And am so worried they'll be gone. But they keep jumping our fence either way... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ftVqF6LLEuRBCrtRmMK8xbRpD649oXYi | au21cf | {
"description": "complaining about my sister behind her back and getting caught",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for complaining about my sister behind her back and getting caught | My mom invited my sister (19) from out of state to stay with us in our home since my sister is unemployed and my mom pays her rent, but now my mom is running out of money and my sister refuses to either move somewhere cheaper or move in with us. So my mom thought that by flying her down for a week, we could convince her that this city is a nice place to live and it wouldn't be that bad to either move into our house or get a cheaper apartment here.
As we're showing her around the city, my sister says that she won’t move into our house, but that she'll get an apartment here only if she can have a roommate who she already knows, but doesn't know anyone here. I (20F) offer to get a job and be her roommate, but she refuses until I prove to her that I can hold a job for more than 3 months. Now this makes me angry because I have held two jobs for 3 and 1/2 months and 6 months respectively while I was in high school. I have had a string of jobs in college but was never put on the schedules enough to pay my own rent. So I moved into my parent’s home while I tried to find better work.
Shortly after I moved in my dad started sexually abusing me (which he had been doing since I was little), so my mom and I fled to the state we currently live in to get away from him. My mom now has significantly less money without my dad's income and I briefly worked down here to help her out, but my mom insists that it’s fine if I don’t work since the stress of school, work, and dealing with the trauma of my dad’s abuse can be overwhelming sometimes. My sister knows all of this - about my father abusing me, my mom having less money, and how I've already held shitty jobs for longer than 3 months.
When we get home from showing my sister around the city, she goes outside for a smoke and my mom and I take the opportunity to discuss whether or not my mom could even afford to pay my sister's rent for 3 more months while I prove to her that I can keep a job for that long. As we're discussing it, I add that I'm pretty angry my sister is even making me do this since she is also unemployed and has never held jobs for very long either. Just when I get done saying this, she walks into the room, clearly having heard everything. Apparently she had come back inside the house and my mom and I never even heard her. So now she's pissed at me and I feel like an asshole. I do understand that it's shitty of me to talk about these things behind her back instead of bringing my concerns to her, and I do understand why she would want me to get a job first before she makes the commitment to having me as her roommate. But my mom and I were planning on telling her these things anyway when she came back inside the house, and I feel like we were justified in what we were saying, even if it wasn't to her face. Idk. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4yzAvyXOFC1bRgPu5uA6ehM2XlS83A7Z | avlkcn | {
"description": "buying an item absurdly cheap because the person doesn't understand it's value",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I buy an item absurdly cheap because the person doesn't understand it's value | I live in a fairly rural area but we have a 4 town joint facebook group for buying, selling, and trading items-similar to a widespread online yard sale or a local craigslist. When buying items you meet up in personal in public places and trade the cash for the item.
Tonight a woman, let's call her Sherry, hosted a sale post for a figurine from a limited edition, no longer purchasable McFarlane collection. It appears to be in very good condition in the photos and could easily be resold for upwards of 150$ or more. She then hosted ANOTHER one from the same set, and both figures she's only asking 20$ each.
I requested to buy the first figure, and to be honest I don't plan to resell it. I want it for my house. That being said, the lady was very clearly unaware of what she has and doesn't even know the name of the figurine since it is no longer in the box. Although it was her choice to price it as she did and not do further research, I feel a bit guilty and almost like I am exploiting her lack of knowledge of the item.
Should I offer her a little more money for it? Should I tell her what it's really worth? Or should I just take that she posted it for 20$ and pay exactly that? I'm probably really overthinking it, but I know if it was me making a sale on an item and accidentally priced it way too low I'd be very upset later.
TL;DR: A woman is offering to sell me a ~150+$ figurine from McFarlane co. for 20$, WIBTA for not telling her it's true worth? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZQ3PMjlUfr60TxmDs9659vuwkUd0FvDo | ahqimr | {
"description": "blackmailing guys who send me unsolicited dick pics",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 40
} | WIBTA for blackmailing guys who send me unsolicited dick pics? | I was reading a post on legal advice earlier about some guys "friend" who was getting blackmailed by a foreign girl saying she'd make his dick pic go viral if he didn't send X amount of dollars. He was freaking out and I find that absolutely hilarious, hopefully it will make him think twice about sending his wrinkly mole to strangers again.
Now for my part - over the years I've been sent many unsolicited dick pics via FB & the gram from strangers and people I actually know irl. Enough to organize a phallus gallery at the drop of a hat. Being a struggling college student, would I be the asshole if I tried to take advantage of this now ? Technically I own the photos since they were sent to me by the perpetrator.
Btw, I'm not asking from a legal stand point, I'm asking from a moral stand point; so please don't flood this with legal advice because I'm already aware of the repercussions. Thanks. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 29,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 40
} | WRONG |
bBkDsfLyiO86L7xlX7jOiuoWs36YjSzp | aev62y | {
"description": "talking to a girl who I used to like, and now I'm married to someone else",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for talking to a girl who I used to like, and now I'm married to someone else? | I (28M) have known both women, we'll call them Amy(25) and Betty (25) for about six years. I used to have a thing for Amy when we first met, but nothing ever really came of it and we became really good friends.
Betty and I dated for about half a year about four years ago, and separated due to her moving away to another state. We got back together about two years ago, and have since gotten married and had a beautiful son together.
Ever since Betty and I had gotten back together I don't really talk to Amy anymore. We maybe text each other a few times a month just to kinda keep in touch. Amy also lives in a different state than us.
My wife has always had a grudge against Amy even before we started dating though. They know each other, and Amy wasn't always the nicest person to my wife. Me and Amy remained close over the years. I even went to visit her a few times over the years when Betty and I weren't together. Amy and I also got matching tattoos together one of the times that I went to visit her.
My wife has said that she was okay with me talking to her now, but in the past she didn't want me to talk to her at all. I've always respected her opinion and always wanted to put our relationship first. I still feel she is uneasy about any communication I have with Amy, due to the fact that I had strong feelings for Amy in the past, and that we remained close all these years even when me and Betty weren't together.
So Reddit, am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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VM5IU4HhalsN19GEaSOCdIH22tgDdl4i | afgvfl | null | AITA? Was She Using Me? | AITA. Please forgive me as this is literally my first reddit post, ever.
Back in high school, I never really had any girlfriends. I was starting to exhibit some incel “nice guy” traits that I’ve since been really embarrassed about, and it was a very awkward time for me. After having had crushes on a lot of girls and being denied every single time, I had essentially lost hope of being in a relationship/ having my first kiss, or whatever in high school. That is, until, this girl came along... we’ll call her B.
I had a science class with B and from the first day we really hit it off, she was engaging me, trying to talk with me, and it seemed like flirting a little bit. Now being a “nice guy” I never knew what it was like for a girl to flirt with me, and I took all female interaction as a sign that they wanted to date me. However, having had a really tough time with my previous crush, I really didn’t want it to happen again, so I actively resisted talking to B or even being near her, but she persisted, and brought me closer to her, which made me fall in love with her... big leap, I know, and boy was that a mistake.
At first we started with just friendly conversation in class, and eventually she DM’ed me on a group chat app, and we started talking for about two weeks or so. It was about this time that I learned that she broke up with her previous boyfriend, sometime after the school year began. It was someone she didn’t particularly like, and someone who often played with her feelings and emotions. But, she got back together with him about a week after we started talking. She was still talking to me, being somewhat flirtatious, and suddenly one day, B asked me a question: Do you like me? The answer was yes, and I asked her the same question, and her answer was also yes.
She told me she wasn’t happy in her relationship, and she didn’t want to be with her boyfriend anymore. But, she didn’t break up with him. In fact, she outright refused to. I figured she was afraid of something... or really just didn’t want to for one reason or another. But nevertheless, she said she liked me, and she wanted to be with me, so I hung on. She confided in me, talked about her problems in life and with her boyfriend, which were numerous, and I was there for her when she felt like nobody else was.
Eventually, she started phasing me out of her life, she started ignoring my texts, talking to me less and less, not engaging me in conversations, both over text and in person. I would invite her to choir concerts (I as well as multiple others in choir were friends with her) and she refused to go. I would try to reach out to her, and she would ignore me. Then, five months after getting back together with her boyfriend, he broke up with her.
She was totally destroyed, and I was there to pick up the pieces, and help her through a terrible depression that she was going through. About a month later, I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend, and she said no. She said that she still hadn’t healed from the break up, and that she didn’t just want to use me as a rebound, she wanted to have a “meaningful relationship with me” which I thought was perfectly reasonable at the time, although I was impatient.
Around that time, I had really bad depression and anxiety, so I started reaching out more to my choir friends, and eventually found a group that I could confide in. We called ourselves AIDS (Anxiety, Depression, Insecurities Squad) it’s cringey I know. I had a good friend in there since freshman year, named R. R had told me, in a group hang out, that about a week after I asked her out, B had drunkenly “hit up” R. R knowing that I had a massive crush on B, politely declined, and B apologized the day after. However, I was devastated.
I was totally offended that she “hit up” another guy when she said she had feelings for me and I had feelings for her. It’s not that I wanted her to “hit me up” it’s that in doing so, she totally invalidated my feelings towards her, and the fact that she said she had feelings for me. I felt totally betrayed, and I felt like she had taken advantage of me during the time that I knew her. In my eyes, she simply used me as an emotional crutch, confiding in me because she wasn’t being emotionally fulfilled in her current relationship, so she went elsewhere to me. I thought, that instead of just telling me she didn’t like me, she lied to keep me around.
I confronted her with this, and it went about as well as you’d expect, and she accused me of only wanting to have a sexual relationship with her, which couldn’t have been farther from the truth. In her defense, she was drunk when she did it, and she apologized. And we weren’t dating, so she had no responsibility to tell me what happened, or even that it did happen. Nevertheless, our friendship pretty much ended after that, and it nearly drove me to suicide, I’m ashamed to admit.
We haven’t spoken after that, although she tried to friend me on Snapchat one day, and I denied the request.
Currently, I’m in a happy relationship with my girlfriend who was there to help me after B and I had the falling out. She’s the most wonderful, beautiful person in the world. I often think about B, and I get very anxious remembering the pain I suffered from that whole ordeal, and it weighs on my mind often.
So, am I the asshole for getting offended? Did I ruin the friendship?
TL:DR - A girl I liked said she liked me, but wouldn’t break up with her boyfriend. I gave her a lot of emotional support. When she did, she said she didn’t want to get together because she was still hurt from the break up, but “hit up” one of my good friends. I felt like she used me as an emotional crutch, and she thinks I only wanted to have sex with her. | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 3,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
MUcGqKCuy6U5JAFAM92bvPBz1ROQpMiR | b1tgrc | {
"description": "not going to competition while my grandpa is in the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not going to competition while my grandpa is in the hospital? | Hey, first time posting in this subreddit. Bear with me if I do anything wrong!
&#x200B;
So I'm in colorguard/ winterguard, which is a team activity that requires us to perform at competitions every Saturday against others in our division. Because it's so performance-based, every teammate plays a role in the show. I don't have any solos or anything, but if I'm not there, the drill (where everyone is supposed to be and move to, etc. etc. Think of marching band formations i guess?) can get messed up and the judges will see that someone is missing. Thing is, the judges might also think that we simply don't know where we're supposed to be going and dock points from our final score.
Aside from that, I've also missed a ton of practices this season already due to the fact that I've got an immune system as strong as a house of cards and depression that's been flaring up bad these past few months. So I'm basically already the team's weakest link.
Now, as the title says, the reason why I would be missing competition is because my grandpa is currently in the hospital and I don't think I'd be able to focus well during our performance because I'd be worrying about him. Apparently, he's been vomiting so badly that he passes out and his heart stops beating for a few seconds. HOWEVER, my mom (who flew back to China yesterday to be with my grandpa) says that he's currently doing okay. My dad is pretty certain my grandpa will be fine. So really, there's not much reason for me to be missing competition, especially because this is our penultimate comp.
I'll be honest, here. I hate colorguard this season. Part of the reason I think I'm so depressed is because I absolutely despise my teammates because they're all so mean to each other and they treat me like I'm garbage for missing practice. I am crazy worried about my grandpa, but deep down, I think I'm eager to be missing competition because I just don't want to go.
&#x200B;
My friends all say I'm justified regardless because my teammates suck and because it's not healthy for me to deal with so much stress, but I'm just not sure. I feel like my reasons are so skewed.
So... am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
Er6QNmfHYE9612GzcqceqwkjlsSB5uvq | areavd | {
"description": "beating my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for beating my girlfriend? | So I don't have many talents, but gaming happens to be one of them. Video games, board games, even trivia games I'm all above average at. My girlfriend also enjoys games, particularly video games, but isn't as skilled with them as I am. This is truly not a brag, it's relevant.
My girlfriend is also the competitive sort. She frequently challenges me to different games and I almost always beat her. Out of 100 games, she might win 5 or 10 regardless of the type of game. This ends with her getting very angry, storming off or giving me the silent treatment for awhile.
I understand it's frustrating to lose that often especially when you're a competitive person, so I've suggested that we just don't play against each other. She didn't like that idea. I've offered to help her practice so she could improve, but she felt that was insulting. I've tried to purposely play less than my ability, but she noticed and that made her even more mad.
It's at the point now where gaming with her isn't even fun for me, because I know I'll win and she'll get a chip on her shoulder. It also seems to be less about having fun with me and more about being able to beat me for her which upsets me.
When we do activities that she's good at (paintball, various sports, artistic things) she blows me out of the water. It doesn't upset me, I'm proud of her. She's more educated than me, has a higher paying job than me and is objectively more socially successful and attractive than me. It's not like I overshadow her in all walks of life, so I don't understand where her need to win is coming from.
I've been called an asshole more times than I can count for repeatedly beating her when we play games. Not looking for validation, but honestly wondering what I'm doing wrong. Am I The Asshole for winning? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qluYqyqosZXFKSGoaOzydqL1hwCOqJLU | b96ad8 | {
"description": "stopping talking to my friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I stopped talking to my friends? | So on Snapchat you can see where your friends are at the moment. For the past 2 years I consistantly see all of them together at someone's house without mentioning anything to me. At the beginning I just assumed they forgot about me, but obviously not after 2 years. Whenever I join the discord and they are talking about hanging out, they all go silent. One of my friends let it slip that they have a whole group chat to plan when they hang out and I'm obviously not in it. The thing is we already have a group chat so they went through the effort of making a new one with everyone else but me in it. The thing is I don't even see a reason for them pretending to be my friend. Some are in my classes at school and I help them out and share homework, but some aren't even in any classes of mine. Am I over reacting or is it time to find new friends? Wow I feel much better after typing this rant. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eTTie6SoJeJ18EuxwS9E6dSkDTQ8jWVw | b6rb5w | {
"description": "lying about what I had said about my Ex",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for lying about what i had said about my Ex? | So I was in a relationship with a girl for about 6-7 months. It was great, until she had broke up with me in front of a bunch of friends. (Happened during school). She then proceeds to date one of my best friends and breaks up with him in about three months. Then she starts dating my bestest friend. And during lunch one day, I had called her a "thot". Almost right after lunch, as I'm getting my stuff to leave school. My friend comes up to me with her and says, "Bro, cut that shit out." "It's not funny." I had to lie and say that I was kidding and it was a joke. AITA?
TLTR: My ex broke up with me. Dated two of my friends. Confronted me about calling her a thot. I liked and said it was a joke. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
OMxILtWRGPsnNeN2OEgzSB3uKEqI0Q2T | aaw9jr | {
"description": "not coming to the birth of my niece because I had a date",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not coming to the birth of my niece because I had a date | This happened a while ago but I keep thinking about it. Pretty sure I am one but everyone says it's fine. Basically my brother's wife was gonna have their first kid so my other brother, sister, and mom all went to the hospital in the city they lived in to see them the day my niece was born. I didn't go cause I had a date with my at the time girlfriend. Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
PXh4x1iUKghQWu82aYlJXK5iy2GGVuGP | au5c06 | {
"description": "asking out my waitress",
"pronormative_score": 60,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for asking out my waitress? | This just happened a few hours ago, and I'm just now realizing I may have pulled an obvious and dickish move. So I'm here for judgement.
Had a dinner date; date cancelled on me. No worries, I just ordered and had a fine meal on my lonesome. The waitress who served me was quite cute; I chatted her up a bit and found her pleasant and easy to talk to. I realize (moreso now) that this is her job, obviously, but it had some effect on me. It occurred to me to ask her out. So, after I'd paid up and was making my exit, I caught her in an idle moment and asked her if she'd like to have coffee with me sometime. She said yes, and we exchanged numbers.
So, post game analysis time... I dunno how it didn't occur to me at the time, but I've realized that this might have been a shitty thing to do. A customer making a come-on, *while you're at work* - not cool in the least, right? Now I'm thinking she just said yes to get this weirdo out of her hair while she's on her shift.
AITA? (misnomer because she's obviously not one, but ya know) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 34,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 60,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
NzjEvrnLRLq7c6wcbUxNXckBZ1vqmDtp | aw7wc6 | {
"description": "making my mom pay for either Netflix or Hulu if her new bf is using them",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for making my mom pay for either Netflix or Hulu if her new bf is using them? | Back story: love my mom (I'm F early 20's). She's a great person, maybe not a great mom. She's an alcoholic, but is so positive and upbeat. My step dad passed away June 2018 from cancer. He's been in my life for more than half of it, Idk my bio dad irl. My mom went through some rough shit with that. They had JUST moved down south when he was diagnosed, so she never had any familial support, or friends really. Her whole existence was caring for my step dad. Him and I didn't really get along when I was growing up, I moved out at 16. He was also an alcoholic, but mean. As I grew older and didn't have rely on them, the three of us we're able to mend our relationship, to a point, and have good memories. I would never wish pancreatic cancer on my worst enemy. Watching him go through that really changed my perspective on all of my relationships, and how I handle conflict.
My mom said she was going to stay down south, much to me and my family's grumblings (we're in NY). About 4months after his death, mom starts talking about these new drinking buddies. Slowly she starts talking more about this guy Randy.
Side story: when I was 10 I asked Mom for my bio dad's name. Panicking, she told me a random name. "Randy". I've never met a Randy my whole life. So from 10-18 I believed my bio dad's name was Randy. And then my 18th birthday comes and my mom gives me two (real) names that could be my bio dad, so I can find him if I ever wanted to (I did, haven't met). So 10-18 years old I truly believed my dad's name out there was Randy. The day I found out it wasn't, I think traumatized me more than my mom realized...
So of course I was like wtf universe. Well, over the last couple months mom has stopped going to counseling, she is day drinking, and any time I ask her what she's up to it's always oh we're going to Randy's show (he's an open mic-er) or Randy's cooking dinner (I think he's living in her apartment), it's ALL about Randy. She's not doing stuff for HER. She hasn't unpacked boxes or done important paper work regarding my step dad's death. She's not eating healthy and is drinking/high 100% of the time when she's not working. She has some money from my step dad's death and I'm afraid this guy is using her. He's younger than her. Idk you guys can tell me if I'm an asshole making assumptions too.
ANYWAYS. Recently I've been getting on my streaming accounts and seeing that stuff I KNOW my mom wouldn't watch is in my "keep watching". I pay for Hulu and Netflix (she pays for the HBO add on).
AITA for thinking about asking my mom to start paying for at least one of the services if Randy is going to use it? Like I said I think he's living with her, and I know people grieve in all sorts of ways and I literally cannot judge her for anything she does bc it's not my job to tell Mom she can't have a young bf after a tragedy BUT I just want her to be happy and healthy and this guy ain't it sis. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
zu4pHrFvrlqNWPhAaIgsXonH5AANx0MU | b9w6lv | null | AITA: Stolen Cigarettes and a Drunken Rant | AITA: Okay, so my last weekend in town before I leave for job training, my best friend of a decade and some of her friends go out for drinks. I will admit I’m a feisty, but jolly drunk. Anyways I grab a smoke from a pack that I had opened in her car on the way to the bar. An hour goes by, and I grab a smoke and leave my bag with her. I didn’t think anything of it, it’s just something I do since we have been friends for 10 years. Her friend rifles through my bag and swaps out my cigarettes with an empty pack (stupid, I know). Drunk me articulates a call and subsequent text when I notice this at home stating that I am disappointed and feel my trust is violated and I will have to reevaluate my trust moving forward. Probably an overreaction but I’m kinda drunk and confused. She connects me with her friend who apologizes sincerely and offers to pay me back. I accept the apology but decline reimbursement because I’m too busy to meet up with someone over $10 right now. This happened on Saturday, fast forward to today and she has been ghosting me all week by leaving me on read. I finally ask if she’s ghosting me and responds very nasty, basically a fuck you to the last decade. I’m at a loss, this is my good friend who violated my privacy is done with me. I’m getting ready to be low contact with the world for a few months and my anxiety is killing me.
TL;DR I probably overreacted to a small thing being stolen from me, my friend of a decade is ghosting me over it AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IDiBXYROgfQLTVZDnHLhC6GuZ6TRI4HL | b27hgq | {
"description": "not wanting to complain but obviously annoyed with the situation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to complain but obviously annoyed with the situation? | Bf (M/35) talks me (F/33) into taking our daughter to Circus Circus in Vegas for 2 nights. He tells me we’ll be fine money wise.
On the way, we park in the free parking(Further walking) and walk along the Hoover Dam.
We get to Vegas, of course there is a lot of walking. Surprisingly, my feet don't hurt, only my calves. Tylenol only if necessary because I have high liver enzymes.
&#x200B;
We take our daughter to the Midway for 2 days, but those two days are spent with my bf telling me we're running low on money and will not be able to go to the places we want until Friday, payday. I suspect it's because he's been playing the slots and smoking every chance he gets, which is while we're getting ready in the morning or after dinner.
&#x200B;
Friday morning comes and he comes out of the bathroom, tells me he got a room at Excalibur.
No complaints about my feet. But on the 3rd day as we're checking in, I just want to get in the room and relax.
&#x200B;
As we're standing in line, he tells me to go sit down while he waits to check us in. I tell him I'm fine and can wait with him. We go through the same conversation a 2nd time and he tells me "I can tell you're annoyed, just go sit down." I tell him I can be annoyed if I want to. Then he starts speaking louder about how I'm always this way and how I'm going to ruin his night. So I walk away. He calls and tells me to come and get the luggage. "No, I'm sitting down." He then says, "I should've left you the first time, you will never change." We had reconciled a month earlier and everything was good and in his words, could tell I was really trying to make it work. I started seeing a therapist and learning new ways to cope and communicate.
&#x200B;
So after this, we argue and he keeps mentioning he regrets staying. So I tell him, I'm going home then. I want my car keys and debit card, which he kept. At this point he starts apologizing and telling me he didn't mean any of it. That he doesn't want me to be annoyed because I'm depressed and drag him down with me. Let's not forget Vegas was his idea. He's a heavy gambler and smoker. I've been trying to make it work between us, keeping him happy at home and doing all I can to keep us together as a family. I work 60 hours a week too.
&#x200B;
But am I the asshole for being worried about money while in Vegas and the one time my feet hurt while standing, I told him I can deal with it?
&#x200B;
TL;DR In Vegas for a couple nights at Circus Circus, bf ends up reserving a room at Excalibur for the 3rd night without telling me. I have Plantar Fasciitis. Walked a lot for 3 days. Didn't complain until 3rd day and was about my calves being sore. Because I didn't want to sit down, I'm ruining his night and he should've left me. The one argument we've had since reconciling a month ago and he's talking to me this way. Couldn't get it out of my head the next day and told him how I felt after breakfast. He in turn put all the blame on me ----- | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tb2SvAQXatkNlkjSCFjkapwaCzlHX56Y | asn67z | {
"description": "taking back a present that I'd gifted to a friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking back a present that I’d gifted to a friend? | It’s my best friends birthday today, we also live together. It’s a milestone birthday and so I went all out in getting her a number of gifts, all wrapped separately and thrown into a large gift bag.
There were two main gifts: Top quality wrist guards for skating and a very expensive mascara that she’s wanted for some time (and honestly it’s a really good brand, I’ve also really wanted it but would never spend that much on myself).
We had plans to go out for dinner to celebrate her birthday so naturally I got ready and waited at home for her to finish work and then go for a quick skate with friends. Presumably, she’d be back home at around 7pm and we’d go out and have a few drinks and a nice meal.
Although the time flicked past 9pm and she still hadn’t returned, a quick text confirmed that she was still out skating and forgot to let me know that she was staying out late and flaking on dinner. I decided what the heck, I REALLY like that mascara and she has a load of other still really good gifts from me.
I felt like shit because I’d ensured I’d be in town tonight for her birthday and dodged other plans to make myself available. Taking the mascara felt good at the time and as a little bit of justice, but in reflection it’s a pretty shitty act.
So Reddit, am I the asshole for likening my wasted time to an expensive bottle of mascara? Or should I have just given it to her and presumed she’d make it up to me at a later date? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
k1nD10ufR1udcaSNMjLwaF8VAOZ5gazP | amaevs | {
"description": "wanting to move back to my old room in residence",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to move back to my old room in residence? | This is kind of a long one so buckle up.
I live in residence at my university.
2 days ago my room mate approached me and asked if I would be willing to switch rooms with one of his friends down the hall. My room mate would get up at 7 each morning for class, and 2 nights out of the week I would come home late due to uni related events. He said it wasn’t anything personal, but that our schedules don’t match up and he wanted to live with his friend. I didn’t think much of it, and so I said yeah I’ll meet with the other room mate (I’ll call him K) and see what it’s like.
I chat with K who would become my new room mate, and he seems like a normal enough guy. Same faculty as me, all he mentioned was that he liked the windows open cause he didn’t do well with the cold. Fair enough. I tell my current roommate that it should be fine and I’m down to switch.
So the next day I meet the guy I’d be switching with (I’ll call him E). He seemed nice too, and we went about moving our clothes and bedsheets from one room to the other. Once we’re done moving everything, E says to me “oh by the way, K likes to sleep with a light on”. I was kind of surprised but figured he meant a small night light or something, but E had a blindfold so that was kind of sketching me out. I asked to borrow the blindfold just in case, but figured the light couldn’t have been that bad. I asked if there was anything else I should know and he said no, and so we went to sign the papers because at this point I figured there wasn’t anything too bad.
Fast forward to last night. I get back to my new room with K at about 12. I had a midterm the next day, so I wanted to get to sleep around 12:30. I asked him if I could shut the lights out to go to sleep, and he said he likes to keep his half of the room on while he stays up doing homework on his computer (why he needs lights on for his computer I’ll never know. The lights are also super bright-the entire room may as well be on). I was pretty taken aback, but didn’t want to start an argument the first night so I tried to sleep with my blindfold. It was impossible. And the window being closed made it boiling hot. To top it all off, he was on the phone with family at around 1 in the morning talking. I finally got to sleep at around 3 am when he went to sleep himself and I was able to talk him into turning the lights off.
I woke up at 7 AM the next morning to his alarm, which is totally fine, he has class. But he flicked on the lights. So now I was awake and not happy. I kept it together and asked what he was doing; long story short, he claims he absolutely needs the lights on to get dressed. At this point I’m aware I’m screwed and need my old room back, cause I’m now dealing with a room mate who;
- is up until 3 every night and wakes up at 7
-talks on the phone at 1 am
-doesn’t let me turn off the lights to go to sleep and wakes me up in the morning by turning them on
-never opens the window and refuses to let me open it
A few hours later (couldn’t get back to sleep) I go to have a talk with E about switching back to my old room. I tell him that he didn’t disclose what the situation was like and I feel like I was put in an unfair situation. He said that he thinks he told me and that he also didn’t have time to tell me about it, which is definitely bs because it took like 40 minutes to switch our stuff around. I told him that I only switched because I thought my room mate wanted the switch, as that’s what I was told, and that he (E) purposefully withheld info and lied about his intentions to switch so that I’d agree. He denied this, and then said that it’s more my fault than his, because I didn’t ask (I did) and he isn’t really to blame here, and I am in the wrong. That shocked me quite a bit and I couldn’t wrap my head around how he thinks I am in the wrong as opposed to himself, and he is now refusing to switch back rooms and I can’t do anything about it without his permission (I have tried).
So, AITA for wanting to switch back into my old room, after the guy I switched with didn’t disclose what the room mate was like?
Just trying to see if E is right and I’m actually being an asshole or if I’m correct in feeling he is.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GMxYBUgdR8bpuu6M9WgbbxO2Hy5bSqhD | asbkmz | {
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend for buying me candy",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for buying me candy? | [M 18] I’m a compulsive eater when it comes to junk food, chips, chocolate, literally anything that’s bad for you I eat way to much of. My girlfriend [F 18] and I have been together for a year and no matter how many times I ask her to not give me junk she won’t stop. She’s obsessed with Pinterest and once she sees a gift idea that she thinks is cute she has to do it. It’s really sweet that she always wants to think of me and do something cute but I’m trying to make myself better and she’s not helping. Everytime I ask her not to do it she says, “You’re not even fat” and does it anyway. The only reason I’m not grossly overweight is that I play 3 sports and I’m always in the gym, even then I have a dad bod. She got me a basket for my birthday, two for Halloween, one for Christmas, one for New Years, and two for Valentine’s Day.
When she came over yesterday she saw that I hadn’t touched the candy in my basket. She was upset that I didn’t appreciate her basket so I was sarcastic and told her, “It’s not like I told you 5 or 6 times that I didn’t want junk food”. She got mad at me and it was the first time she’s ever been mad at me for more than a day or two after a year of dating. It’s not threatening to our relationship but I think I hurt her feelings.
I would’ve just thrown it away without telling her but I don’t want her to waste money on candy that im not gonna eat | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
itOwZNvvTluupUK9XhYir5OsHB2rVkHF | 9xptpc | {
"description": "not wanting to go to this college",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for not wanting to go to this college? | Okay so i’m a high school senior. Today i got an email from a small liberal arts college i’ve applied to saying that i’m being considered for a scholarship program that’s worth up to 34k a year. which i know is a lot of money for a college student to be making. thing is, there’s a lot about this school that i don’t really like. it’s very much a safety for me, it’s in the middle of nowhere, it isn’t known for what i want to study. basically everything about it screams “you will have a shitty time here.” but at the same time, this is a lot of money i could potentially be getting.
TL;DR A college I don’t want to go to is offering me a lot of money to go there. Will i be an asshole if i don’t go? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
nv8AIjGrwr7ohWCk95XM09rSZXYmFmov | ash1ue | {
"description": "telling my friend that he needs to stop going after girls that are out of his leauge",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for telling my friend that he needs to stop going after girls that are out of his leauge? | Listen I'm all for guys having confidence in themselves and going after girls that they are attracted to. But after so much rejection and everything else, isn't it a saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?
Couple things going against my friend:
He just turned 27 and he is a virgin. Now there's nothing wrong with that but he's never even kissed a girl in all 27 years, never had a GF or anything close to it.
My friend is very short (5'3") and he is not in shape. He wants to get in shape and goes to the gym but his diet is terrible. He eats the same thing everyday: cheese quesadilla for breakfast, tequito's or pizza rolls for dinner, whatever fast food he can find for lunch. He's afraid of trying new things and is just very awkward around women.
He keeps developing crushes on these girls that he has no shot with and then gets frustrated when they "friendzone" him. He likes going after extraverted, party girls who like clubbing and going to bars and I told him, he's not the type of guy these girls are looking for.
So I told him, if you aren't blessed to be born tall (or even average height) and handsome you need to be at least 2 of the following three:
1. Good looking
2. Great personality
3. Successful in your career
Now good looking is something you can't help sometimes but at least be in shape. Great personality means you can make girls laugh or you're a great conversationalist or easy to get along with. Successful doesn't mean rich but at least have a stable job and the ability to provide and pay your own bills.
I told him if you aren't any of the above 3 then why would any of these girls want to date you? He needs to lower his standards but he got all pissy when I said that, saying "I'm not gonna lower my standards like these girls are better than me". Blah blah
Am I the asshole for trying to be real with him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
Sal4DvtK38SmNS5zK2ozq8tkCm5AN0SO | as2pot | {
"description": "telling someone my expenses aren't their business",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling someone my expenses aren't their business? | so i was sitting in class and there's this dude who sits next to me who's always trying to chat. we were talking about work and stuff and i told him that i work part time (about 15 hours a week) and he was like "oh okay cool". then about 20 minutes later, he asked what my expenses are (like car, phone, etc) and i just said "that's kinda none of your business" and continued working. he then got kinda flustered and seemed upset, and was saying things like "oh i just wanted to know because you don't work very many hours". i'm kinda an idiot when it comes to social interaction sometimes, and i was already feeling kinda shitty, so i don't know if i was being a dick or not. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Wi5qds0OqpbdXw7ypPm6QEnn2SVZbNMI | ak61og | {
"description": "stepping on a man's foot, then yelling at him",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for stepping on a man's foot, then yelling at him? | It goes like this, we're on the bus and I'm on my way out, I accidentally step on a man's foot and immediately say "oh, I'm sorry", I sit near the door facing the man for about 2 minutes until the bus stops:
man: (angry) you stepped at me
I: I know, it was an accident, I'm sorry
man: Pfff an accident, you have to look where you're walking!
I: (I get angry too) so... you've never done something by accident before?!, never?!
man: no
At this point I just stared at him with a "are you fucking serious about this" look for about 5 seconds, then I got out of the bus.
In my country, it's seen as disrespectful to respond to older people (I am 24, the man was about 55), so I got some looks from other people. I have been under stress lately and I just found silly that he would not just let go the incident. Later, I thought about other responses from my part as paying for his ticket on the bus, singing a song to him or something.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZUKxNxJp4M15uvHyBCjNahnDUpP7MWyQ | ahgso0 | {
"description": "not wanting my date to pick up an extra shift at work",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting my date to pick up an extra shift at work? | This girl and I planned on going on a date last Sunday. Her boss asked her to cover someone's shift. She took the shift. I understood. She had just asked her boss for more hours, and it would be awkward if she denied a shift the next day. We rescheduled the date for tonight.
Today, she tells me that her boss asked her to cover another shift today. I told her that she really shouldn't take the shift. I told her that she has no obligation to take the shift, and that we already have plans. Not to mention that we already had to reschedule.
Her response was "ill just tell her that i have to leave at 8"
Essentially, by taking the extra shift today, she moved our plans forward an hour and a half. But we are still going out tonight. AITA for feeling like she shouldn't have taken the extra shift? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
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