id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
LWZj61yps3ajbR980EQB8IBJwkXLM5w3 | b7h66s | {
"description": "dropping a friend who was unintentionally hurting me at the time",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for dropping a friend who was unintentionally hurting me at the time? | So, I've been friends with this dude for a while. We would message a lot, He's like an older brother to me.
Mid last year my mental health was deteriorating *fast.* And it still is pretty downhill. The dude would frequently ignore my messages despite being online (which is a big trigger for my anxiety and can cause bad episodes.) and then appear again talking about how he's such a bad friend and it won't happen again. I'm very aware that no one needs to spend 100% of their time on me but it would go on for months at a time where he'd actively ignore my messages.
During one of those periods he, out of no where, sent me an image saying he had just overdosed and was being taken to hospital. Now, being who I am with my mental health, I'm very easily triggered. It triggered me so bad that I had to be removed from class and couldn't focus in any of my others. He didn't send anything else and to my memory didn't talk to me for a while after that either.
Finally at some point, I was sick of being ignored and just dropped him. Removed him from all my social media and didn't talk to him for a while.
That is, until I opened my school email a couple months ago during the summer holidays. I had a message one of my school accounts for some website we were using in one of my classes a couple years ago. It was a message from him. I reconnected and we seem okay now.
I'm disturbed that he searched all around the internet and messaged my school account just to get to me. I dropped him for my own health, as my safety came first to me and being actively ignored or possibly triggered was a big thing keeping me from being safe. Again, things seem okay now, we're friends again I guess but I still lay awake at night wondering if what I did was wrong or not.
In hindsight, the way I dropped him was a bit scary in his shoes. I think he though I had gone and offed myself, which wasn't an unlikely possibly at the time.
So, *am* I in the wrong, if it was to keep myself safe? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1sR8lOJQpwY3YPE2SZUNIxwTvHOVuIPK | awhhb0 | {
"description": "taking breath of the wild out of a broken switch I recieved from a random person",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | Aita for taking breath of the wild out of a broken switch I recieved from a random person. | I work at a hospital and we were having this toy drive and i was at the desk by myself when this guy comes in with a switch and says hes trying to get it sent to the hospital for kids. I take the switch and I'm about to place it in the toy drive but they had removed the box a few days earlier. So i turn in on and the screen is black and white with a crack in it. I had just gotten a switch for christmas from my girlfriend. So I honestly debated for a minute and i rationalized that the kid would be able to play fortnite of wareframe for free on the black and white cracked screen so I took breath of the wild. I told my supervisor about the switch and she told me she would get it to the "right people". I must be kinda sick in the head because I felt like it was a gift from the universe and when i say the universe I mean my mom who passed away last chrismas. I still haven't played it... am I the asshole? or a narcicist? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
iwPYexmXIVjc8aUsphqv6xefbzqAQf8W | av266v | {
"description": "being upset at my boyfriend for not being honest about his date in an open relationship",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset at my boyfriend for not being honest about his date in an open relationship? | Throwaway account for reasons.
​
So my (27F) boyfriend (28 M) and I have been in an open relationship ever since we met and are getting married in a couple months. We both do not believe in monogamy and are cool with each other having fwbs and casual dates. Trust, honesty and openness has been a major part of our relationship. We tell each other everything including about our dates and the extent to which it goes. We are genuinely happy for each other. I must note that I when we met, I had severe communication and trust issues due to a lot of childhood abuse and had to work a lot to overcome them. He's been the best thing to ever happen to me and has helped me become a much better person. He feels the same way about me too.
​
He has had a few fwbs in the past year and I've had just one fwb whom I share a very good connection with. I had to work a lot to improve my communication but now I've reached a point where I can be incredibly vulnerable with him and share every single detail with him. He says it's the same for him too. So, here's the issue.. Recently he went on a date(?) with one of his good friends who is in a rocky monogamous relationship that might end anytime. After the date, he told me he had a great time and they got to know each other a lot more but it didnt go anywhere physically with her. I was happy that he had a great time but confused a bit coz she's still in the monogamous relationship. Anyway its been a few days now and today while we were talking, he tells me that she was heavily flirting with him on the date and when he went in for a kiss, she rejected it. The reason he didn't tell me earlier is coz he felt extremely embarrassed from the rejection and felt bad for putting someone in an awkward situation. I told him I'm hurt and need time to process. He feels horrible for hurting me and says he just needed time to get over the awkwardness before telling me.
​
So AITA for feeling like a) He hid it from me and it's not fair ? I had to work through severe communication issues to be vulnerable with him and it feels like he shouldn't have hidden it from me. b) Trying to kiss her even though she's still in the relationship? I know she's super interested in my boyfriend but he should be more responsible?
​
AITA or am I overreacting? I really need help understanding. Any input is appreciated.
​
Tldr: In an open relationship. Boyfriend went on a date and hid the details of it from me for a few days. AITA for being upset or should I stop bothering about trivial things?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ycn6X7MRrWo0DDSyCYboM1I70td9pMLL | aqkfrt | {
"description": "sharing breakup thoughts with my girlfriend right when she gave me a Valentine's gift",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 87
} | AITA for sharing breakup thoughts with my girlfriend right when she gave me a Valentine's gift? | Basically what happened is that my girlfriend texted me at the campus that she wants to see me, we met and she surprised me with a Valentine's gift. I decided to open it later on my own and just sit and talk to her.
I don't know why but I shared some "what if" thoughts with her about breaking up and how our relationship is not necessarily rock-solid from my point of view.
She obviously was sad and she was speaking in a less-exciting-than-usual tone, I assured her that these are just thought I wanted to share and I'm definitely not thinking about leaving her.
after a while, she went to her class and I went to my car and decided to open the gift; the gift is a bunch of pictures and probs that represent our memories and some of my favorite things and hobbies; like a movie clapper board with my name written on it because my dream job is to become a director, an owl toy because it's my favorite animal, and a bunch of other stuff and love letters that made me feel like such an asshole, But my intention was never to make her sad, I just wanted to share these thoughts with her.
​
So, am I an asshole or is it just a very bad coincidence? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 87,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 87
} | WRONG |
ljyCQZjGRnCzMKQ5Fh15s4MdCDPMAz5a | 9tgw7k | {
"description": "wishing that my girlfriend were into dancing",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wishing that my girlfriend were into dancing? | Throwaway because people here know my original.
​
I've been a dancer for several years. I love dancing. It is not only a hobby to me, but a way of life.
My girlfriend loves me and supports me in every way possible. She willingly accompanies me to dance events. She doesn't like dancing, though.
I feel really bad. I feel like I am forcing her into that part of my life. A part of me wishes she were committed to learning everything. I love it when women know how to dance, especially the experts. I have so much fun dancing with not only her but everybody. I feel really bad being out on the dance floor while she sits for most of the time.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
g5dH0GGJJQ2GV9DzJ4gEDfu8JQj2YAFc | aq3qck | {
"description": "being irritated with my boy crazy friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being irritated with my boy crazy friend? | A little background. Me and this girl (let’s call her Julia) have been friends since our childhood. We call each other sisters. I would do anything for her!
Anyways, so Julia now goes to a different high school , but I invited her to go to Six Flags or some things with my new friends( girls and guys). But I started to realize she was flirting a lot with all my guy friends and it made them obviously uncomfortable. Some of them asking why she was doing it after. She would try to play with their hands, ask them to “carry her” , dance with them, throughout the amusement park etc. She even made her friend Ashley (who she brought from school) sit by strangers on the rides at the amusement park in order to sit with one of my guy friends and hold their hands, and even forgot about her!
Now she is planning events with ONLY my guy friends, and invites me along to attend her flirt-fest. I find it kind of weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable but does it make me an asshole? Idk.
I miss it being the two of us, but now every time we hang out she invites them and it makes me feel like she is just using me to get attention from guys that I’m friends with.
AITA? What should I do in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
knFgG3HRWA2v3VRMY6n4Gz1Jmu8Q8JDc | aobayh | {
"description": "getting pissed at my friend and his family in their house",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting pissed at my friend and his family in their house? | A few important things first, I live on my friend's couch right now because it was that or end up homeless. He was kind enough to allow me to sleep on his couch rent free until I'm able to afford an apartment myself. I'm extremely grateful for it, and plan on paying him back when able.
The rules laid down for me were that I must find a job (already done) and I must help his wife around the house with chores and their kids. It was all good at first, and my friend and I were excited to be best friends again after years of not seeing each other. I'd been warned their kids were wild, but I'm ok with wild.
However, upon moving in, I started to notice they don't really parent their kids much. No times outs, never take things away, and they rarely ever spank them. I wouldn't care if it weren't for the fact they are EXTREMELY destructive, violent and overall undisciplined. They haven't even put their oldest in school yet (he's 6 turning 7 soon).
An example of things I get mad over is when the kids destroyed my JoyCons for my Switch (which were thankfully a different color, as they have a Switch as well). When I confronted them, they both shrugged their shoulders and said "Well you shouldn't have left it in their reach," with the wife following up saying "I thought they were ours because you leave yours up." While true, I was a little thrown off by how "F*** it" they were about it, not even offering to pay for part of a new set. I left it alone, since I'm living there rent free, but I was still pissed about it.
Later that night, my friend brought up going grocery shopping, reminding me to do it as if I didn't already go with them weekly. Mind you, as part of helping take care of their kids, I also buy them food whenever I get myself some, so as not to just eat in front of them (This is on top of the shopping I already do). I was a bit thrown off he approached me about it like that. I think he did it because that week I hadn't gone shopping with them (I work graveyard shifts, so I was asleep when they left. They didn't tell me they were going/wake me up). I brought it up to him a few days later, saying I didn't appreciate that he talked to me like I'm one of his children, and that I don't need to be reminded of stuff I'm already doing. He again brushed it off, saying that I must have taken it the wrong way. Since we were best friends, I took him at face value and left it at that. I also generally know where he's coming from, as the last dude who lived with them was apparently a nightmare, and I think they're trying to prevent me from being like him.
Today, after feeding my cat, his wife had decided to bring the cats in. I'm never too fond of this, as I have to sit next to my cat when they come in to make sure she gets enough to eat. I ran out to my car to grab something, and when I came back, their cat was standing over my cat's food while the wife gently pulls the cat away. This was doing nothing, as he'd walk right back thinking she was petting him. When I vocalized that I was sick of having to watch my cat eat, she immediately got pissy and said how her cats never get to come in because of my cat (found out she isn't good with other animals when we moved in), and that she doesn't like my that she can't have her kids at the table to eat because "you said your cat will eat their food." This is not true, as my cat has never eaten human food, or even shown interest, and I angrily corrected her, saying I'd never said that. At this point, I'd decided to just leave for work 2 hours early, and now I'm posting this on Reddit.
There is more, and I'd be happy to clarify/elaborate on anything. Where my AITA question comes in is that I know when I get off work today, my friend is going to be having a conversation again about me disrespecting them in their house. I'm not going to pretend that I've never gotten angry at them, but at this point I feel like it's rational that I'm angry, and that I myself am also being disrespected. I don't think it's fair they allow past roommates to influence how they act towards me, as they've known me long enough to know I don't do any of the stuff they're worried about. On top of that, they already know based on my actions that since I'm living rent free, I'm willing to pay them back as they see fit (which for now they've decided my labor and grocery shopping will suffice). I've helped fix up their yard that their dog dug up, I've been cleaning up after their kids, and I've done everything I can to help out. AITA here for getting pissed off at them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
sbevxA4UPvUChTnP33aB2shfV9CweT6E | b87iia | {
"description": "refusing to associate with my cousin because he won't denounce his gang or get a legal job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - For refusing to associate with my cousin because he won't denounce his gang or get a legal job? | Requesting that only people who have been in similar situations respond (obviously for those who have no gang affiliated family the answer would likely be NTA).
**Background:** I (F25) love my cousin (M26). We're extremely close and he's basically a brother. He grew up with a hard life. He had a single mother who has mental issues where she treats him horribly. She used to leave him alone so often that he joined the Bloods and was even shot at one point before he was 10 years old. Eventually he was taken away from her in his early teens and moved in with my dad's brother. He was the bad apple of the family from there on out. He used to take a lot of drugs, sell drugs, steal from houses and family, fight etc. Most of my family stopped associating with him after he was 18 because he stole from family.
Around that age I was interested in smoking weed so we connected at some point and became pretty close doing things we're not supposed to. There were times where he went to jail and I'd help him three-way his mom or son (he was never okay with being deadbeat). He would help me out by giving me things, giving me advice, generally being supportive - it was in no way a one sided relationship. Eventually he ended up going to prison for 2 years and lost everything. Since he's gotten out we've only gotten closer and instead of an enabling type friendship - we've started encouraging each other to be better people. He talks about how he regrets how he was when he was younger all the time and that the culture shock of coming from a broken home was a big factor.
**Summary:** While he continually fucks up - I do genuinely believe he wants to turn his life around. The issue is that he wants to turn his life around HIS way. He still has a street mentality (ex. he loves posting pictures of his money, still claims Blood and says it's impossible for him not to be, he always seems to find the crowd that's up to no good). He says he's saving to enroll in cooking school (this is true), but hustling in the meantime.
TBH I'm pretty tired of being emotionally invested in him turning things around if he's still going to be stupid in so many ways. After his last FB posts making blatant references to illegal activity & gang affiliation - I just randomly blocked him. Now he's texting me asking why he's blocked and how dare I block him without having talked about things. We've talked about it multiple times and he continues to do things that could get him in trouble. Especially when he's not completely broke anymore - At some point not getting a real job is a choice, no?
I'm open to explaining myself, but ultimately I realize that I'm the one that has the problem with how he's doing things. We don't even see each other regularly now, but just seeing what he's up to pisses me off. AITA for wanting to cut ties even though he hasn't directly done anything to me (recently)? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5ZcHnMVScpCZnhjBa5kj33fXgjodXNRi | aq9kvt | {
"description": "having a big party for our 10th anniversary",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I had a big party for our 10th anniversary? | We had a very small wedding (court house, only our parents were there) and only a slightly bigger reception a month later.
I figured after 10 years we'd do more of a bigger friend's and family, re do our vows, dance party, etc.
The hubs thinks this is an a-hole move and no one should come. I think i's a nice way to basically have the wedding the way we really wanted.
so TLDR would I be an asshole if I had a mini wedding redo after 10yrs? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
O00E0lno0sk5yMPU6DsMyMvB1GVOAc8M | agyqso | {
"description": "sticking to my guns that an artist twerking on stage instead of performing is hoe sh",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for sticking to my guns that an artist twerking on stage instead of performing is hoe sh**? | Was talking with the wife how I enjoy this artist for focusing music instead of looks or sex, and went on to say I feel an artist who during her set, stopped mixing and twerked was "doing hoe shit".
Now I'm all for women (and men) to act however they want. But when you act a way, things come along with it. I made it clear I don't think "she's asking for it" or any other over used sexist remake blaming women (no one deserves to be assaulted for any reason). I just think you are a hoe. In the modern use of the slang (being over sexualized and using it as a negative).
My wife lost it. Claims I'm sexist and have no place to say that.
I'm really confused. I don't care who's a hoe. I just said she was acting in a hoe way and when I go to your concert i came for your music not a strip show. I also stated if I was in tight boxers and swing my dick around on stage that's the same shit. How is this sexist? I just don't think it's classy and I look down at it. And I feel I'm allowed.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
Bd7PAzwkOTqOw3wKdvyfXu3wau1uHq9a | axphbw | {
"description": "being upset about my sisters venue choice for her rehearsal dinner",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset about my sisters venue choice for her rehearsal dinner? | (Typing this on mobile and also first time poster, so sorry about any formatting issues!)
So my sister is getting married soon and I’m the youngest person both in the bridal party and at the wedding. I’m 20 and she is in her 30s.
She picked the rehearsal dinner venue to be in a bar, and when I found that out I looked up information about the bar and if they happen to let in like 18+ (like just X the hands or something) and everywhere I’ve looked has been said it’s 21+ only. I asked her about it and she said pretty much “go do homework or something because it doesn’t matter”
I thought that was kind of rude considering I’m, yknow, a bridesmaid, her sister, and I’ve drawn her invitations, guest book poster, and now her wedding programs all for free (which I was happy to do, I don’t charge family).
She said that I should just show up to it on the night of and hope I get in, even though they have a bouncer checking IDs and I look like I’m 15. I don’t want to go, get denied entry, and then make an awkward situation for the rest of our family feeling awkward about going in and leaving me alone or anything. Also, I don’t want to be embarrassed like that.
I’m just upset about it because I feel really excluded right now from my own sister, whose usually really great to me. I get it’s her wedding and her day, but I feel like having the rehearsal dinner in a venue where not everyone in the bridal party can get in isn’t fair. Am I the asshole and just being entitled/sensitive? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ANa0FBP1116DZZn6WET3QSc5sNpthQVm | 9xwclr | {
"description": "overreacting to grinding",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for overreacting to grinding | So, this is my first post and I'm kinda nervous.
I'm currently 17 and there is this thing that has been bothering me recently because I saw the person who did this to me.
When I was about 13, I was on the school cafeteria and it was pretty crowded and I was in the middle of it. This dude started to grind on me while laughing with his friends, about 2 minutes of him doing this I pushed him down and started to scream and "punch" him (it was really light). I ended up going to the principal's office didn't told her what he did.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AWn6SspAwJdkWr6eu1sLgZ5iwZcDJxXh | a9mcn3 | {
"description": "ratting my sister out to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for ratting my sister out to my mom? | One of my little sisters (14F) has sort of gone off the rails— sneaking out to smoke weed and have sex with much older guys, juuling constantly to the point of addiction, being a total bitch to my parents, etc. I’m currently in college so I can’t be at home to talk to her or deal with her behavior directly, and my other sister (16F) is being very enabling of her behavior and refuses to do anything about it out of fear of betraying her trust.
I know I should let my sisters make their own mistakes, and this would be a lot different if she was 16 or 17 (I’d probably just give her a little advisory talk and leave it alone), but I feel like 14 is way too young to be getting into this stuff and her grades, friendships, family relationships etc (the important things in my view) are suffering because of it. She gets very defensive and angry if I try to talk to her about her behavior (says I’m acting condescending or like I’m better than her), so long story short I’ve ended up just telling my mom everything she’s been up to.
My parents are fairly overprotective, so this resulted in her phone being taken away permanently, her being grounded indefinitely, my parents regularly drug testing her, and a huge loss of trust between her and my parents, not to mention her and me, as well as my other sister disapproving. It seems like nobody can get through to her, and I am afraid for her health and safety if it continues, so I felt like my only option was to be the narc. Did I overreact? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
bKPrTkiatbfTBnggAiUJaKcyUS7hXLhQ | aluqce | null | AITA for what I said about a kid's temper tantrums? | I (26M) do not have kids. I do not particularly like kids. I am pretty up front about this.
A close friend (28F) has a 4 year old son. As four year olds are wont to do, he sometimes throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way. Most recently, he was told that he couldn't have tacos for dinner, so he threw himself on the ground, screaming and crying and banging on the floor.
In conversation with my friend (his mother) today, I said any time her kid throws a tantrum, I get a strong urge to just leave because (a) I hate it and (b) I don't know how to react to it. I tempered this by recognizing that every kid has tantrums and this isn't specific to hers. She got very upset with me and told me to stop talking. Instead, I said "Surprise, your friend who doesn't like kids thinks your son throwing a temper tantrum because he got chicken nuggets instead of tacos is irritating and confusing."
I definitely know I was abrasive. I was offended by being told to stop talking and reacted emotionally. AITA for the initial comment OR the latter OR neither OR both? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
XcShDQq9MZoqujIJuuQixpNirFgQQoae | au8e6e | {
"description": "being depressed and not immediately telling my now Ex-friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being depressed and not immediately telling my now Ex-friends | I had a falling out with my now Ex-friends a few months ago but it still bugs me .
​
The story is:
​
Last Summer i became severly depressed. There was no traumatic event or anything leading up to this but i just couldn't function anymore.
So i didn't notice it immediately because i told myself it's just a stupid phase that'll stop soon .
It didn't .
I had some really close friends who i wanted to move in with and everything was fine at first .After i realised that no it wasn't just a phase i told them that i was struggling and that i was really sorry if i acted unkindly which they denied and told me everything's fine don't worry. Then i had an accident which i'm still recovering from and was even more depressed than before. I couldn't move in with them .
I was super depressed but i still answered their messages and explained my situation again and again .
Suddenly they told me that someone wanted to crash in our place for a while and if that's okay with me .
I told them it was fine because i didn't wanted to be the dick in the situation.
Then fast forward they wanted to meet me and talk and I was like "oh no"
They told me they don't want me there anymore because they thought i don't feel included .
Before they the talk our contact became more and more sparse and I repeatedly asked them what's wrong but they never gave me an answer.
Then one of them told me that's i should have told them sooner that i was depressed because they feeled i was lying to them and that they wanted a notice beforehand .
BUT i did as soon as i realised that i was feeling shite i told them and apologized.
I told them that i wasn't planning on being depressed and certainly didn't know how to deal with that.
In the end they blamed me for everything but didn't aknowledge their own mistakes like they wanted me to reach out all the time -which i did - but they never did - The wanted me to visit them i did that too -they never did - . In their eyes i was supposed to tell them everything of course they never told me that and they never asked . SO AITA | HISTORICAL | {
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CsVivXGhkElPiHfMenas71NGG0MHKBY6 | ambky6 | {
"description": "not letting her save 8 seats",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting her save 8 seats | (Mobile apologize)
So this happened a little bit ago at my school. We had a speaker and so we all went in to the multi purpose center, witch was set up with chairs. There were only enough chairs for about half of us to sit. One girl had gotten in early, and was trying to save a full row, the front row no less. The rows we're 9 seats so she was saving 8 plush her seat. I walked up and sat down she said I'm saving this row I chuckled a little and said no and stayed seated. Got some death stairs from her friends.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aAoeVjCVgrprU3DfUbcRv3GiBga9w707 | ajs66u | {
"description": "getting annoyed with my boyfriend for leaving without saying goodbye",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting annoyed with my boyfriend for leaving without saying goodbye | My boyfriend (M22) is going away tomorrow for a holiday and I (F21) was suppose to be going out with him tonight. I got a message from him today saying that he has gone a day early to go and get high with his housemates friends from home and he left without saying goodbye. AITA for being annoyed with him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ziJKUOMdibhqaBfC1Lu1g4Kc5L8shMqH | amzg1o | {
"description": "blocking and moving on from a friend of 7 years",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA to block and move on from a friend of 7 years? | So this Is a little complicated, but it’s been playing on my mind so I thought I’d ask the expanse of the internet.
A friend of mine Allie* (21F) has been my (21F) best friend since we were 14 at high school.
She’s always been a little competetive with me for whatever reason, and thankfully competing with me for a guy hasn’t cropped up. Til now.
Many many months ago I left my abusive ex, and my glorious rebound was a friend from Uni, who had been my lab partner.
He wanted to date, I didn’t, but fwb was sweet. All good on both sides. He then met Allie*.
He then tried (and failed) to have a threesome with the two of us, and then proceeded to move on from this idea to just wanted fwb with me. I still felt a little weird but sure.
Both of them told me off their own backs that neither of them wanted just each other (I.e wouldn’t screw each other behind my back).
Well oops what do you know, little me finds out they screwed. Less than 6 hours before he and I did later that night.
Neither bothered to tell me, and when I did find out, they both said ‘we just didn’t want to tell you’.
Okay.
Sure. Move on with life, not my boyfriend. But as I’m not happy with sharing, I move on and stop sleeping with him.
I was then told they had stopped sleeping with each other, and he wanted me. I naively said I would think about it.
So I did, decided I was free enough from the ex that I could tentatively date and told him so.
He was being super weird and I thought it was weird, but whatever.
Find out they had started dating, and once again neither decided to tell me (also weird as she tells me everything, always), but now he wanted to date the both of us.
Um. No thank you. I told him as such, and moved on with life.
His main explanation was that she was cute, and that I wasn’t enough for him.
Start seeing current boyfriend, all is happy, yay.
Get a message from Rebound saying that he didn’t know why I was dating anyone when he knew I wanted him (nope) and that I loved him (whatever bud) and that seeing someone else was my futile attempt to distract myself.
I then went overseas, and Allie decided that she would be picking me up from the airport when I got back. Sure, okay.
While I’m away, boyfriend asked if he could meet me at the airport too. Yay, be good to see him, two of my favourite people both meeting me.
She proceeded to have the largest tantrum I’ve seen in recent times, saying I broke her heart, no one else even misses me, how dare I hurt her, my boyfriend doesn’t deserve me, how could I do this.
Rebound then messages me saying I was a horrible person who breaks promises, and I was stabbing her in the back just like I had my ex (ya know, the abusive one. He knew the details about that.) and that I was a cuck, and if I had any human decency I would let her do as she pleases. Also told me I was a master manipulator and to pull my head in.
So back I come, after organising another ride home from the airport (because fuck that), and she proceeds to tell me she ‘won’ the Rebound.
He insults me around her (sources confirm) and she agrees. Calls me a bitch, she agrees. But whenever she needs something I’m the first person she runs to.
I just dont know what to do. WIBTA to just cut my losses? I’ve tried just seeing her but she ‘surprises’ me by bringing him.
Sorry for the wall of text, I will happily clarify anything.
Tldr I have no idea what to do.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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XvfhN4uXgbuPa1lIRk3CGYA6eHeT6nyF | amjbyg | {
"description": "getting angry at my mom over banana bread",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for getting angry at my mom over banana bread? | First of all, I'm 25, and I live with my mother. We're not American, and culturally, it's the appropriate/expected living arrangement. Just to clear up any potential misunderstanding that I'm some kind of lazy freeloader.
So basically, I'm on a diet. This morning, I asked my mother, who was running some errands, to pick up some additional bananas to make banana bread for everyone. She declined, so I said sure, I'll just make for myself. I proceed to put an enormous effort researching, adapting, and logging in every single pinch that went into that bread to make sure it adapts to my diet.
Some friends of my mother come over, and she asks me 'Could I serve them banana bread?' I'm not too excited about this, and mention it, but ultimately say 'Sure, I can spare a couple pieces.' I try to get the pieces out and manage to take out two, since it's fresh out of the oven, they start falling apart. I tell her this, and give her the two pieces, and say 'This is the best I can do, they're falling apart'. I turn around to grab some water, and she's helping herself to another piece, wrecking the entire goddamn thing in the process.
So I tell her "Seriously, you couldn't have asked? I worked so hard for this and now it's ruined. Can't I ever enjoy something I made without you prioritizing someone else?"
Her response was not to say sorry, but to roll her eyes, raise her eyebrows, purse her lips, and sloooowly put the broken pieces of banana bread back to make a point. This made me so angry because fuck, can you just say sorry and move the fuck on?
So I tell her "You know, it's really hurtful and not productive to the conversation for you to make all these passive-aggressive faces. There's a conflict and you and I should talk and resolve this, instead of you mocking me for my feelings, which I think are VERY valid."
Her answer? "Well, I can't control how you interpret things. It's not my fault." And she rushed out to give the banana bread to her guests.
I know I made a big deal out of this but to be honest, it's kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. She's constantly putting me last for everything after she makes sure all her guests and everyone she knows are happy, and I'm honestly sick of it. I know it's JUST a dessert, but it feels to me like she's constantly disrespecting my efforts. Am I an asshole for speaking out or should I just chill? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
YFIofi83VuNptTDPBdXpwcB54GBD8mKc | 9yfvaf | {
"description": "not paying my mom's water bill",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not paying my mom's water bill? | So on Thursday my mother calls me asking me to do her a favor and pay the water bill on her house because the township has put a lien on the property. She wasn't able to go to the municipal building and do it that day before it closed. I have no idea why she didn't do it earlier (We live with my step-dad but she still owns our original house from many years ago)
I say yes and she transfers money into my bank account so I can go ahead do it. Bad timing: snow storm hits the area and I'm unable to do it that day. That night my boyfriend's grandfather passed away suffering from cancer, and Friday morning I rush over to his house to be there for him. I text my mom that I might not be able to pay the bill because of the passing, and she could take it out of my account to pay it, to which her response basically is: "But did you do the thing yet? I can't do it because of work! Oof think about your poor mother first."
At this point I don't want to deal with her bullshit and lie to her that I did. I planned to do it for Monday and proceed to help with the grieving, the funeral, etc. this weekend. She wakes me up at 5:45 this morning (Monday) and tells me that she noticed my bank account still has the money in it, that Friday was the last day to pay it and that we're gonna lose the house. She wants a picture of the supposed receipt from Friday.
I don't buy it but I still feel iffy. I lied to her and said I had a receipt from the clerk; I'm planning to go later today to pay the bill if I can. I'm still tired from the funeral and she woke me up knowing I have insomnia and I came home late last night.
Also for context: I'm 18. I'm in college. She's always been financially irresponsible. She also had many opportunities to pay the bill before the lien. She's not lacking the funds to do so, and if she is that's her own damn fault for spending money on throwing parties and other useless shit. I just know she's gonna blame it on me if we do actually lose the house. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
owM9ffl4x0s6ibMD6WpsMfVd8x3XlxFq | b7170n | {
"description": "not seeing my sisters new dog",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not seeing my sisters new dog? | My sister got a new dog today and called the family out to see him. I chose not to meet him.
The issue i am having is my sister is never home, her 3 kids are at our mothers house after school till bed time and weekends.
She already has my 2 cats (I had to move in with mom) and is not taking care of them and another dog that spends all day in a crate. The dog she already has is still not properly house broken because its home alone all day and nobody walks it.
The 3 kids have no sense of responsibility and don't care to walk the dog they already have let alone a full sized boxer.
My worry is the dog will be neglected OR will be put on my mother who during all of this is trying to take care of our grandparents who are almost 90 and will most likely not make it to the end if the year.
I understand that this is a small part of a bigger picture but i'm not sure if i want to be attached to this new dog.
So Reddit, the golden question is Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6mXIEZ6BywPI1TSqzFrLUrdTzpfkTbyh | a8yf66 | {
"description": "wanting to come along to a concert",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to come along to a concert | Hello Reddit, just thought I'd run this by you all.
​
So there's a concert to one of my favorite bands, (not all-time but still incredible group) and they're coming to my city in 4 months.
​
My boyfriend wants to go, and he talked to a friend of his/ours (40's) (my boyfriend is 19, I'm 20) and they agreed to go together, without my knowledge.
​
My boyfriend promised me the tickets first, but maybe forgot, who knows, he wouldn't try to hurt me on purpose so he is obviously NTA. So he tried to offer that we both go. Friend says "I don't want to go with her" alongside saying he will feel like a 3rd wheel (age difference???? hello?) and that I will cause a fight with my bf because I don't feel like I'm getting enough attention. I know that I'm there to listen to music and probably get drunk before. Not to be an attention whore. I never am, and NEVER will be.
​
​
Some background info: I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt, and my bf decided to spend his time with aforementioned friend without me knowing, because he knew it would make me upset. But he did it for his own good reasons, again, not the asshole. But the friend (40's) of his did it knowingly that it would hurt me, and doesn't care. He tells my boyfriend to break up with me constantly, and he used to do the same to him (tell me to break up with him). The guy is a total prick, has brain issues and memory issues. Can't hold a job because he will snap because of some anger issue/mental disorder that he has admitted to killing people before because of.
​
I don't want my BF to go alone, because this friend will spend a lot of the time bitching about me.
​
So am I the asshole? Typing this fast because this JUST happened less than 5 minutes ago, but I will clear up any confusion with an edit or answering questions in the comments.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
EwtYXAIvLCOCL490uHkt4yiGfi9y5vlz | b9hst8 | {
"description": "starting parking on two spots at this new mall with very narrow parking spaces",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | WIBTA if I started parking on two spots at this new mall with very narrow parking spaces? | Hello everyone, a few months ago a new mall opened in my city and it has very narrow parking spots. Even if you park perfectly you can barely get out of your car. Just for the record i have a Audi A4 from 2008 so its not a big car.
Almost every time i went there i could barely get in my car when i wanted to leave, I would usually have to get through the other side of the car because everyone is parking in such a way that the driver side has a lot of room. Sometimes even that side was thight and my girlfriend who is thinner had to get in and pull the car a bit so i can get in and drive.
Last week while coming out of a movie i saw a dent on the drivers door, its not a big dent about 5-10 cm long. Most likely someone tried to park and it was too narrow and they hit it and left. Tried to talk to the people from security but they said they don't have cameras looking towards the parking.
My friends and family are split between "F**k it just park on two spaces there from now on." and "Yeah the spots are a bit thight and people often park like morons but only assholes park on two spaces."
So would i be an asshole if i started parking on two spaces from now on given that its likely people will hit my car again in the future and also every time i want to leave and get a feeling of dread going to the car thinking "Would i be able to leave today?". | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
NLHdDhYHKVXfNsWnj7cmZmnf2C7T90Po | b1fopm | {
"description": "telling this guy that he handled our situation immaturely",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I told this guy that he handled our situation immaturely | I’ve been dating this guy for a couple weeks and started having some symptoms, so I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with chlamydia. I haven’t had sex with anyone else in almost a year and was tested 6 months ago, so I know it came from him. I let him know and things were fine for a few days.
He got tested and was put on antibiotics and we talked about it. Then he deleted me on Facebook and Snapchat without saying anything about it. I texted him because I still hadn’t heard about his test results and I felt it was important to know. He told me he “freaked out” and didn’t have the results yet.
Since this whole thing started, I’ve been really supportive of him. I asked him how he was feeling, apologized numerous times for being the bearer of bad news, and tried to give him whatever he needed. He never once asked me if I was ok or apologized for giving me an std. This guy is 28 years old and tried to ghost me after *he* gave *me* an std. It’s clear from the tone of his messages that he thinks this is much more difficult for him than it is for me.
WIBTA if I told him that he hurt me with how he handled the situation? I want him to know because he’s going around sleeping with women and shouldn’t be making them feel like garbage over the normal consequences of sex. He gave me an std and made me feel like it was my fault, and I think I’m the future he should be aware of how to better handle the situation if he ends up here again. WIBTA for telling him that? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
zKO3MWxYRhgIyYZlicWzLk1VawTZuQwq | a9wg4l | {
"description": "flirting with and sexting a bunch of girls",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for flirting with and sexting a bunch of girls? | So, for most of my adolescence, I've been really fat, and kind of a creep. I had no idea how to express myself or talk to girls or anything, and they sure as hell wouldn't approach me. Since I turned 18 though, I've really turned my life around. I've lost 20 pounds, and learned to take care of myself and dress nice. The added confidence has made me a lot more flirtatious and successful with girls, and I've kinda taken advantage of that to trade nudes a lot. On one hand, I realize it's totally normal to be sexually active. On the other, though, a lot of them end up crushing on me and it makes me feel bad knowing I only feel for them on a physical level. I worry about this a lot, and I'm really hoping you all can help me figure out where to go from here. (for numbers, I'd say I'm sending with maybe 15 girls currently, and flirt back and forth with upwards of 50.) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YrITXlTiQz1w3veQKFICv2hoQ7I6UMbZ | aexj4a | {
"description": "not hugging my female co-workers",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not hugging my female co-workers | I am being accused of being sexist at work for hugging my male co-workers and not my female co-workers. This has been ongoing problem since I started work a year ago, and people are accusing me of being sexist for not wanting to hug my female co-workers. I don’t treat them differently, I engage in handshakes and conversation with them but anything more I just decline because I don’t feel comfortable. I been asked multiple times for reasons and I just say I don’t want to ( I don’t see why I have to give a reason). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
thA733WLC1A5xpb8HosxsrMjFHKXicq5 | b6kx29 | {
"description": "not wanting to attend my estranged sister's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to attend my estranged sister's wedding? | I don't want to give out many personal details, and this drama has spanned so many years that a full retelling would take hours to type, so I'll try and summarize as best I can.
Suffice it to say, I'm the eldest of three siblings, and we have never been close. I haven't spoken to my sister since 2014 when she said she wanted nothing to do with my parents and cut all ties with us. I haven't seen my brother, since a series of events that started with him convincing his entire high school class that my parents were abusing him, and ended with him in prison after literally robbing my parents on Christmas.
This left me as the only child around to help when my parents both had major surgery, when my dad's sister died. I essentially put my life on hold for a year while I did anything I could to ease the burden on my parents. I passed up a lot of opportunities trying to be the good son, and I'll admit I'm still kinda bitter about that fact.
Fast forward to January of this year. I've since moved across the country, and met my amazing boyfriend whom I'm trying to build a life with. I'd had no contact with either of my siblings, which suited me just fine. Now, out of the blue I get a call from my mom about how my sister is talking to her again, and how she's got this amazing fiancé and how wonderful it would be if I'd call and congratulate her on the engagement.
So I act like a good son, and I text my sister. I say all the things my mom wants me to. I try to be civil. Which brings us to today, when I received an invitation to my sister's wedding in Hawaii.
To be clear, I don't care if my parents have a relationship with my siblings. I understand why it's important to them in order to have a relationship with their grandchildren, and I'm happy that they have that opportunity. I just want no part of it. I'm not interested in having any sort of relationship with either of my siblings, nor in acting like everything is suddenly ok now after everything they put my parents through. And I especially don't want to inflict all this shit on my boyfriend. Not to mention the financial burden of flying to Hawaii in July.
Am I being unreasonable for trying to distance myself from all this? Or should I just suck it up and go because it will make my parents happy?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9iQA284iE5U2iqIL9v2wQ40zHs4vHHcC | agrnkd | {
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend around my friends",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my boyfriend around my friends? | Now, I realize how it sounds - and it's really not good.
I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now, however we've been friends for nearly 3 years before any romance started. He knows who I'm friends with, he's met them, and even was in a groupchat with all of us for a while.
Initially, I was really excited to have him there; I wanted him to meet the people I've held close for nearly a decade, and wanted to see them all get along and have fun together. He was with us for around three months, and it progressed to us kicking him out and not wanting him back in.
First of all, he never talked. Not to me, not to them, when he was the one that asked to join. He would go in group calls if I was in there, but he still wouldn't talk, or even listen to us. I ended up talking to him about that, and I told him that if he didn't wanna be there then he didn't have to be. He insisted that he wanted to, to which I just let it go.
If I was texting them before him, he'd get upset. If I talked about games he didn't play that they did, he'd get upset. It got to the point where, if I was discussing what characters of mine to put in a certain house, he'd text me privately and talk about how upset he was that he wasn't included in that house. To me, it felt a bit... Out of line - though I didn't wanna make him feel silly for feeling bad, so I just tried my best to comfort him with the fact that he was elsewhere in my game.
It feels like now, if he's there, he's just there to watch what I do - he once openly admitted that he didn't even like any of my friends, and that he didn't much care to be around them. While that stung, you really can't make someone like your friends, and that's fair. But now, he's mad that we don't want him in the same group. I don't feel it's right to insist on being around them despite the fact that you don't like them.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
olQpgwqIKJtOC6GuxJWpgq66FWOM3hAT | 9uma3n | {
"description": "not wanting to pay for a concert ticket",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to pay for a concert ticket? | I have a friend that was going to buy four concert tickets for a group of us. She was supposed to buy them several weeks before the event. Everytime I followed up with her (did you buy them yet? How much do I owe you?) She had not purchased them and just kept saying she would get to it.
The day before the event she messaged me , "hey, are you still coming?". Me, "um I haven't heard back from you so I made other plans." Her, "oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I got the tickets". So at this point I cannot go but I tell her that since I did tell her to get me a ticket I would still give her the money. Approx $75.
She says she will try to find someone else to take it so I won't have to pay. Ok that would be fine.
About an hour before the event she messaged me "Ok, I am going to ask a friend of mine if she wants to go. She can’t afford to buy it but at least it won’t be wasted. She has 6 boys. "
Now she expects me to give her the money for it. I can see not wanting to "waste" the ticket. But AITA for feeling like if she wanted her other friend to go then she should pay for it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
TrTxXD6iTwsse9QitNnuF9624ojJy6xw | b3ely2 | {
"description": "being upset with my girlfriend that she's rarely on time",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being upset with my girlfriend that she's rarely on time? | I'm annoyed that my girlfriend is rarely on time for things, especially if we decide to go somewhere together (we live together). She'll tell me that she will be ready in ten minutes but she can take anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour to actually be ready, this usually means that I'm sitting around waiting for us to leave or wr are late for things. She says this is just the way she is and I should plan for it...frustrating because how do I plan for a 45m variable timeframe?
AITA for being upset over this (starting to feel like she doesn't respect my time)? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Pb8BkcN2ccpBKs1OAScibkzqvtqSKsmC | alo02s | {
"description": "cheating on most of my college exams",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for cheating on most of my college exams? | First of all, let me excuse myself for all the mistakes in this text, English is not my first language.
I\[20f\] am studying Business Administration and for the past 2 years and a half I have cheated on 80% of my exams. I'm doing pretty well in finance and mathematics and those are topics i never cheat in because they require i use my logic, not my memory. But when i have to deal with 250+ power point slides of outdated theory I have to know by heart in order to get the maximum points in that specific exam, I just... put together a document with the info i need that i later upload on my phone. I've never been caught and i don't think i ever will be. I'm never reckless or too greedy with the attention i'm paying to my lap LOL.
I have tried memorizing, but i'm finding no logic chain that i can follow in the text and i eventually get bored/distracted/annoyed and drop it. I am currently working in the business field and never have i needed something they teached in those thousands of slides. I reached up to my superiors and asked them how much did college info help them in terms of knowledge and handling situations.
Not at all.
So why should i sacrifice time if it brings me absolutely nothing?
What makes me wonder if i'm an asshole is the fact that i am getting a scholarship out of this. I'm not the only one who finds our school system and the theory irrelevant, but there's nothing i can do right now to change it, so i'm operating against it. Am i an asshole for perhaps depriving someone (that actually learns everything, knows it's just a bunch of crap, but doesn't have the nerve to cheat) of a scholarship?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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rgeyiMfelnzf9FKyafgEoToV3XQdLxEr | apux95 | {
"description": "asking people where they're from",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for asking people where they’re from? | I live in the US but was born in Poland, and came here when I was still pretty young so I don’t have an accent. Sometimes when I’m out and about I’ll run into people with thick or slight Eastern European accents and I’ll ask, “so.... where are you from?” In hopes of meeting a fellow Pole abroad.
I feel like a majority of the time I’ll get a response like “Here.” Or “Ohio.” So then I clarify that I’m asking where they’re from ORIGINALLY.
It JUST now dawned on me that maybe people evade this question because they don’t want to answer it or it’s rude, or maybe they’re just tired of being asked. I’ve had this encounter so many times where asking the question creates tension and never stopped to think that it might make people uncomfortable. I definitely FEEL like an asshole for not putting two and two together until now... | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
1rWfU5LzUekx2oRPbINmJofPyFLErLMz | ahucuj | {
"description": "yelling at my housekeeper",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for yelling at my housekeeper? | I have always been so kind to my housekeeper - who helps clean the house and prepare dinner for my parents. I come home almost every weekend to see my parents or even just to have one dinner with them.
So as my housekeeper was preparing tonight’s dinner, I was combing my dog’s hair, squatting on the floor near the dinner table. My housekeeper said “don’t comb here, it’s too close to the food” and grabbed me off the floor as she was saying this, and pushed me to the other side. I was astonished that she would push me like that. I asked my sister if I should say anything but my sister just said she’s always been rude and that’s just how she is.
So I go on to eat dinner, and my parents come home around this time with 2 guests: my moms friend who we haven’t seen in 5 years and my grandma who just flew in yesterday.
My dog ate half a cup of dog food - she hadn’t eaten all day until we were finally home since she only likes eating when people are around. I realized a bit later she had finished the half so I go to put another half cup of dog food in her bowl.
Housekeeper: Don’t give her anymore food. She already ate.
Me: I only gave her 1/2 a bowl more because she hasn’t eaten all day.
Housekeeper: Your dog is so fat. Stop feeding her so much.
(** my dog is not fat at all, she is healthy and on a regular normal diet)
At this point, I just exploded and yelled “DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY DOG. SHE’S MY DOG NOT YOURS”
And everyone went silent and was shocked as I never really raise my voice at anyone. My mom said “Calm down, why are you so mad?”
I responded, “She (housekeeper) pushed me” and left the room.
I heard my mom ask her “did you push her?” And my housekeeper said no.
My sister said I could have handled things differently and not in front of everyone. Think I just exploded in the moment but I feel bad now.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
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VDO7GTkqbHTNHrNDESuE4ZiAX1YkHiri | b9dctj | null | AITA here? Girlfriend's ex sent her a dick pic and I sent it to his gf. | So... yeah. LOL. Title says it all but I will elaborate. I am 26M, girlfirend is 24F and her ex is 24M.
​
Girlfriend broke up with her ex a year ago and started dating me shortly after (two months later). He was incredibly bitter about it all which is understandable, but she cut of all contact with him as soon as she dumped him. He's tried to message her over and over again, so I kept a close eye on him since I really dislike the guy - he was a shit bf as far as I know. I saw he has a girlfriend now for about three months.
​
Last night, this guy decided to send my girlfriend a dick pic on WhatsApp (the one place she hadn't blocked him) with the caption "Miss you, do you miss this?". Idiot didn't realise I was lying in bed with my gf and saw the whole thing and we had a good laugh about it but it really pissed me off. Girlfriend ignored it, but I couldn't. She closed the conversation but didn't delete it, so when she went to shower later on, I recovered the conversation, sent the dick pic to myself (felt very odd doing that), and properly deleted the convo. I let her block him herself later lol.
​
I then sent the dick pic to this guy's girlfriend, and told her he'd send it to his ex which is my girlfriend. I could only find her on Facebook so I sent it through Messenger, and I know she's "seen" it. As soon as my girlfriend was out of the shower I told her what I'd done and she's pretty pissed off with me, saying I shouldn't get involved in anyone else's relationship and I could possibly have ended their relationship. I told her he did that himself by sending the picture in the first place. After an hour or so, she calmed down and agreed it was hilarious however I can tell she's still a tiny but annoyed at me by the way she's acting lol so I have come to you guys! I think she's mostly disappointed I interfered in this guy's relationship more than anything, because she said she can't believe I'd be so harsh to the poor girl and I could have told her in a nicer way and not be so "in your face" about it.
​
Am I an asshole for what I did? I do feel bad for being harsh towards this innocent girl, but I was mostly thinking about hurting the guy more than her. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 95,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 98,
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4pD8S7MKDrw4QooyqP0SnNmAszNy7ZF2 | a1yeyz | {
"description": "not moving into an emtpy plane seat",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not moving into an emtpy plane seat? | I'm sitting in one of the middle seats of a plane with a 3-4-3 layout, so a seat in row F. The guy to the right of me, next to the aisle, got to move seats to somewhere else in the plane. Later on, the flight attendant came back to ask me if I wanted to move to the free seat next to the aisle. I said no, because I hate sitting next to the aisle, people bump into your arm or shoulder when you sleep or use phone or laptop. Then the flight attendant gave me a bad attitude saying 'ok fine if you want to be cramped...'
I'm not a big guy, and the woman sitting next to me was also of normal size, obviously we were not cramped. I also didn't notice her ask anyone if I could move seats.
Now I get that everyone likes their personal space, but am I the asshole for choosing my own comfort over the unwritten rule of leaving as much space between people as possible?
(This is not on a Finnish airline, in that case I would have chosen differently) | HISTORICAL | {
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ici50zcWYsZlhDRrdfEkg4ESabPv7LhG | amr212 | {
"description": "not always putting kitchen utensils in the exact same spot",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for not always putting kitchen utensils in the exact same spot? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG | |
6xZF2zhbSzHELRzCHHuu47GOvX17ouob | ahxmwd | {
"description": "refusing to go on vacation",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to go on vacation ? | So....me and DH have a 15-month old. Prior to having her, we were avid travelers, used to take multiple vacations every year.
She has some developmental delays, isn't walking yet, eats only a few solid foods, and nurses 4-5 times during the night. As a result, I haven't really slept in a looooong time, and I make some food for her every week. I also work part-time. I am exhausted.
As experiments, we took a couple of short local vacations with her in the last few months. They were....not very fun for me. All I could ever think about was her next meal, diaper change or nap time. I woke up already tired everyday.
Now, DH wants to go international. I said no way. So for the last two weeks, he has been hounding me, giving me all kinds of reasons to say yes, primarily because HE really wants a vacation, and "people do it all the time". I keep saying no, then he sulks for some time. Then back to bugging me to agree.
Am I an asshole ??
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 10,
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} | RIGHT |
VDr0VB4pYQuYzvdSiwxsBxH8ZWDEeoAF | afez8m | {
"description": "subjecting 3 unwitting \"friends\" to the world's hottest chocolate bar",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for subjecting 3 unwitting "friends" to the world's hottest chocolate bar? | This was a few months ago, for context, I’m a student in high school, attending a boarding school here in my hometown.
I didn't connect with anyone, everyone just kinda steered clear of me, and I did the same. The exception being three girls, let's call them Louise, Victoria, and Danielle. It was lunch one day when they approached, and sat down next to me. They tried to get a conversation going with me, and surprisingly enough I actually enjoyed talking to them. Later they asked for my Instagram, and requested to follow me later that day. I figured they were nice enough and accepted the request. We hung out a couple times after that and I really appreciated having some friends. To show them my appreciation I asked my mom to swing by with a Pizza if I payed, because parents and guardians were allowed to drop things off. I gave them the Pizza which they insisted we split four ways out in a public area. This cycle continued for a while with me getting something for them since my parents lived in town and them being very appreciative, at times even returning with a gesture of their own.
However, about a month into the school year, the girls started changing. They started demanding/expecting things instead of me doing them to be nice. They stopped insisting on sharing, and later asked for me to bring things to their room (boys are prohibited inside a female room) so I couldn't talk or anything. If I got them one pizza, they'd guilt trip me over not buying two. I felt less like a friend being kind, and more like the intern running around getting things for the boss. Like I was bending over backwards for these people I didn't even like anymore. The straw that broke the camel's back finally hit when the girls wanted pizza, but I was out of cash. My family had been going through a rough time and there was far less money to go around so naturally I had less money than normal. Instead of understanding. I got called a “broke ass nigga,” was called a “fake friend,” and was told by Louise to unfollow her or she'd block me.
Flash forward to mid October, and my family's financial situation has gotten better. I had some cash, and tired of the, at this point, outrageous demands, I decided to take the initiative to give them something they didn't ask for. A chocolate bar, the World's hottest chocolate bar (which is 1,000 times hotter than a Jalapeno, and almost 4 times hotter than a Carolina Reaper). My mom had a friend who owns a novelty gift shop here in town so my mom bought three bars and dropped them off for me. I unwrapped them so they couldn't tell it was anything other than regular chocolate, threw them into their own ziploc bags, and dropped by their room with the chocolate.
I had just returned to my room when my phone started going off like crazy. I had a ton of DM's from Victoria asking what the hell was in the chocolate. I told her, and she lost her shit. Texting in all caps about how they all ate their bar in one bite. Danielle texted me a while later bitching at me for “setting her mouth on fire,” and all 3 promptly blocked me on Instagram.
Since then, all three of them have both unblocked me and requested to follow me, and have mellowed out. They've quit demanding things, and I've sure as shit quit offering them things.
TL;DR I gave some girls a Pizza among other things to be nice, they started taking advantage of me and demanded more than I could give, getting angry when I didn't deliver, so I got them back with some “sweet” revenge. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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gPcaHlc9ws9Ey3AQOf8ukLxDuwVwOZuU | aw6c6f | {
"description": "drinking out of my coworker's \"World's Greatest Dad Mug\"",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 142
} | AITA for drinking out of my coworker's "World's Greatest Dad Mug"? |
There is a random collection of mugs in the breakroom at my office. They mostly say stupid stuff like "This is Totally Wine," "Live Laugh Love," and "Strategic Planning Seminar '16." I have never heard or seen any rules about mug usage. For as long as I have worked here, mugs have been taken on a first-come, first-serve basis.
All the mugs are washed at the end of the day, dried on a dishrack, and eventually put back in the cupboard. This chore is done on a rotating basis. As a senior (but not managerial) staffperson, I am not on the chore schedule. Mugs occasionally get broken or disappear, and people randomly contribute new mugs to replace them. I have donated a few from different conference swag bags and whatnot.
This morning, the person assigned with 'breakroom duty' had not yet reshelved the mugs in the cupboard. So I grabbed one from the drying rack. It said "World's Greatest Dad" on it. On it were some pictures of some kids building a sandcastle on the beach, posing in Halloween costumes, etc. I thought "that's weird," filled it up, and went back to my office.
About twenty minutes later, my colleague came into my office and asked for his mug. (I don't know how he knew I had it.) I looked at it more closely and he is indeed in some of the pictures on the mug. I said something like "Congratulations on being the world's greatest dad."
He asked me for the mug. I said I would put it back in the sink after I finished my coffee.
He left, and came back with a new mug that said "Happy Birthday." He told me to pour my coffee in the "happy birthday" mug, so he could take the "World's Greatest Dad Mug."
I said "No, you're being weird." He said that I should have known that it was his mug, because of the caption and photographs. He said that he left in the breakroom for yesterday's breakroom-cleanup-person to wash, and that he otherwise keeps it in his office. He said that all of the people on the chore schedule know this and do not shelve his mug with the rest; I just happened to get to it before he did today.
I told him "I have to get on a call at 9:00. I don't have time for this. I'll wash it out when I'm done."
I didn't have a call. But I did wash the mug and and deliver it to him at his desk. He just glared at me like I'm an asshole. Is he right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 123,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 19,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 142
} | WRONG |
2hr1yyorhm1eLZEZe2PWDbc2QgIZBDOi | a8o1ki | {
"description": "not wanting to go my bf's family christmas party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not wanting to go my bf's family christmas party? | My bf and i have been together for almost 8 years. His family is very important to him. Every holiday his entire family (like 60 people) get together.
I am loud, curse, overall HUGE personality. I do get along with most people and can make most laugh. I am deff the type of person that doesn't care what others think of me.
I've been to a few parties and he basically told me that i cant act like my usual self because of what his family might think. I really hate editing myself and end up just not talking the entire time because i have no idea what is "appropriate" in his eyes. His entire family is also EXTREMELY superficial like all about appearances, money, etc. Basically 1000% not my thing. So, i try to avoid every family gathering with him and he is always extremely hurt.
I love him so much and literally every other situation i am a free bird. However, in this situation i HATE being so uncomfortable thinking about what his family might think of me.
WIBTA | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
98ZHpFmQZmVHsiGfu4OlCxiUvd5dJ49M | axqrsx | {
"description": "being harsh about ending a friendship with a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being harsh about ending a friendship with a coworker? | As always, there’s more to the story than the title. Throwaway ti protect my main Reddit but I could give two fucks if someone I know reads this.
Some background info: I’ve listened to this coworker bitch and moan endlessly for months. She always wants to bitch to me about something and even times when I felt like her poor attitude was too much, I pretended to listen. This coworker is 10 years older than me and constantly preaches this false positivity crap that even she doesn’t practice. When I had a severe bacterial respiratory infection, she told me taking medicine was unnecessary and I’d have gotten better if I’d just envisioned being healthy / pretended not to be sick. Meanwhile, she went to the emergency room for a cold that she convinced herself was heart problems. I’ve had to play cheerleader to push her not to quit this job for months.
I recently found out that one of my immediate family members has cancer. It’s very serious. I feel devastated by this news, and on top of that, I’m in the middle of contract to work 5000 miles away at this time so I can’t exactly pop in to visit. Among other things going on in my life right now, this topped all of it and pushed me over my limit stress wise. Thinking about one of your loved ones being incredibly sick and having the chance of losing them to their illness does not leave you in a good place. It takes time to work through those emotions and get to a point where you can accept it, even more so when you’re not able to psychically see them to make it feel real.
Everyone at my work knew because I missed the first day I’ve missed in the entire time of my working there despite several rough illnesses. I’ve received a lot of “if you ever need anything, please reach out” including from my coworker.
My coworker sent me inspirational memes, whined to me about work, and let me vent on three different days. 6 days after I got this news, she tells me that everyone dies at some point anyways and I’m choosing to feel sad / dwell on this. I politely disagreed and walked away to cry in private.
She then avoided me for a week. Today I received a message from her telling me that I’m too much of a burden to her. I told her that she’s expected more compassion for having a cold than she’s given me in all of this and that I hoped she’d have a better friend than her if she’s ever in my shoes. She responded by calling me toxic and draining. I lost my patience at this point and told her the space she’s given me has allowed me to see how our friendship is a one way street that’s only available when she can benefit and that she’s incredibly narcissistic.
Idk I’m awestruck as to how I could be the asshole in her mind with what was said and how she avoided me like a kid that’s destroyed their mom’s favorite lamp. Would love to hear some opinions from some fellow asshole connoisseurs. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
3aCLYnA0H6ZeJ8HkaZ7SaAzjoChfMCvo | az81ez | {
"description": "not giving my friends free food after I payed for it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not giving my friends free food after I payed for it | Im at my friends house when some girls show up. Im fine w them being there but i know that when my dominos comes they gon be all over that shit. They always show up at peoples houses and expect free food. When the dominos came they all huddled around the food, after previously being on the other side of the room.
This isnt the first time this shit has happened, so i straight up said to them that they’re not getting any food. I had to repeat this multiple times before they stopped trying to steal our food ( they would literally go into the box without asking ). They blamed us for not telling them to bring money (who tf shows up at someones house expecting food and doesnt bring any money.) they then tried to guilt me into giving them some by saying that their parents paid for our food before. I wasnt having any of their shit and ate all the food i payed for. We actually ended up giving them some of our cinnamon twists. They then proceeded to leave about and hour after showing up, clearly bc they were pissed off at me. Idgaf they all a bunch of needy hoes. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
ebLJRcLlCJyOCx4alCuIuI6CyeFauWIy | awvi52 | {
"description": "using someone else's trashcan",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for using someone else's trashcan? | So I usually take my dog for hour long walks/runs throughout the week. Sometimes while we are out, the dog needs to releave herself in a random yard. I always carry poop bags, and always make sure to pick up after her. The issue is, if we are only 20 minutes into an hour walk, I will throw the poop bag into a trashcan. The neighborhoods we run through all have those large green rolling trashcans, and most people keep them outside. I'll pick up the poop, and toss it in the next trashcan I see. I don't imagine I use the same trashcan more than once every few weeks.
Today, while out for a walk, someone came out of their house yelling at me. I stopped, and he told me I was "un-cool" for using his trash, and to piss off, saying he had me on camera. I admit, being taken aback, I told him "fine, next time if she poops in your yard, I'll just leave it there" and walked off. Now, I'll never do this, and I'll skip his house if I ever need to toss a poop bag, but the question is, am I an asshole for throwing away these small bags into someone else's trash? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
K5warEHBEmEJCtWrNbLRQygVSPQF9V2x | avmeq9 | {
"description": "refusing to give money to someone who potentially really needed it",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For refusing to give money to someone who potentially really needed it? | I was at the grocery store earlier and a man approached me. He was of Asian descent and spoke with what sounded like a thick Vietnamese accent. He looked like he was in his forties. The man stared at me with a "Have we met?" face before the following conversation ensued. Note that I do not recall our encounter word-for-word but it went something like this:
​
Man: "Are you Asian?"
Me: "Yes."
Man (grinned with a sense of comfort): "Where are you from? Are you Vietnamese?"
Me: "No, I'm Filipino."
Man: "Ohhh okay. Hey I was wondering if you could help me."
Me: "What happened?"
Man: "Can you give me some gas for my car? It's out of fuel and it will get towed if I don't move it. I forgot my wallet at home and my wife isn't picking up the phone. I have twenty minutes before it gets towed."
Me: "So you want me to drive you to a gas station?"
Man: "No you don't have to drive! I can walk. I just need some cash. I live all the way in Lakeville." (He pulls his ID out of his pocket to point at his home address to verify. Lakeville is probably at least half an hour away from the store).
​
I pause for a bit before replying.
​
Me: "Sorry I can't."
​
He then walks away and I do not see him again. I was trying to weigh the situation before I rejected him. His reasoning was suspicious to me but I wasn't sure if it was because of the language barrier. I understand he probably approached me because I was also Asian but I did not see him talk to anyone else. I didn't have cash on me but I wasn't sure if he sincerely only wanted cash because he didn't want to trouble me to drive him, or if he was just lying about the whole situation. I did think it was weird that he had his ID but not his wallet.
​
Am I the asshole here for not giving him the benefit of the doubt? It's also around 4 degrees outside. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PRmDl7t8ZFKfPziUOStCj6XFFhJfRDCF | argh8k | {
"description": "saying my mom eats a shit diet after she threw out my elk",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for saying my mom eats a shit diet after she threw out my elk? | I don't support factory farming so I hunt my own meat. I gave my mom pounds of elk at Christmas. I went over to her house today for the first time since Christmas and she said she threw it all out because she didn't like it while she is serving is some antibiotic steroid diseased cow from the grocery store. I flipped out and called her an idiot and said he diet is shit and refused to eat the shit she was cooking. It just pissed me off too much that after I said all that I left. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
kARKp58xosn8oaviJI5zE8QF3qMddqHo | axe81t | {
"description": "making my friends get off their phones",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making my friends get off their phones? | So, for context. A few friends and I are in a D&D campaign that my boyfriend is the DM for. We've been playing off and on for about three years, and since we're all full-time students it's very hard to get us all free and in the same location for any amount of time. As anyone does, sometimes we'll check our phones during a game and get distracted. But certain members of my party, lets call them friends A and B, were on their phones constantly. Because they were distracted so often, it became that much harder to focus on the game and enjoy each others company.
Time went on and eventually, my boyfriend, another party member and I came up with what we thought was a good solution: a phone bin. Everyone would agree to put their phones away and not touch them during the game, except if really needed.
I don't recall the first time we used it, but no one said anything against it at the time. And from our point of view, it worked. People didn't use their phones nearly as much, and seemed much more engaged in the game. We also started using a phone bin at dinner theaters, events we hosted with our friends that were essentially group improv/casual escape room.
Later on when my boyfriend, friends A and B and I were talking, A and B expressed that they were super upset about the phone bin concept. They were mad that we hadn't asked them beforehand, that it was 'suddenly everywhere', and that they weren't being respected. They said that we assumed they needed supervision and couldn't focus if they had their phones. It was mostly coming from A. Friend A admitted that she doesn't even really enjoy D&D and those type of things anymore. My response was that if she didn't like it, no one was forcing her to stay. Friend A took issue with that. She said she felt as if we were expecting her to stay and do these things she didn't enjoy.
I feel really bad that we made our friends upset, but I genuinely don't see why they have a problem with the phone bin idea. I also don't see why Friend A would have a problem with me telling her that she doesn't have to play with us.
So, am I an asshole here? I really don't think I'm in the wrong, but I would like a third opinion here. Thanks if you've read this far or decide to comment. | HISTORICAL | {
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rcywIG8yo84N2n3pjRtsBOxrqVkkaMyy | az5358 | {
"description": "making my boyfriend stop a Snapchat streak with his ex",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making my boyfriend stop a Snapchat streak with his ex? | This happened over a year ago, but it is still brought up to me by my friends and by my boyfriend sometimes so I thought I would ask here. My boyfriend (I'll just call him Cole) had a 300+ day streak with his ex girlfriend (I'll call her Allie). It continued after they broke up because they were friends and I was fine with it. After about a month of Cole and I dating, Allie started saying things to me like "He always makes you look bad," and just generally negative things about our relationship. I saw that this was bad and I distanced myself from her. About 2 weeks later, Allie began to tell people that Cole was flirting with her (asking for nudes, etc.). Cole confronted her and told her to stop and that he was happy with me, and she did. Cole saw this as being the end, and that there would be peace between us. I, however, knew that she would probably try something like this again and asked him to stop talking to her. In real life, and on social media. He told me that I was being controlling and that they were friends and I should respect that. Eventually he saw that I was very upset about the whole situation, and stopped their streak. He complained about it for a while, and his friends told me that I was being a dick and that he had that streak before we were dating, so I shouldn't tell him to stop it. This has been following me for a while now, but I don't think that I'm in the wrong. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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kierwDn0R1yJKXTC1pqKRh1aiqLO7PVq | 9y6gav | {
"description": "leaving my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my friend | Okay so first some backstory when my friend (let's just call him Jake) and I were still in the same school. He would slap my ass real hard everytime I had his back faced to him. In the toilet. Refilling my water. Even walking up the stairs. Not only that sometimes he would just jab my asshole real hard for no reason and not just me to some of our classmates as well. Can you imagine this? Not being able to use the urinal properly. Heck even if we go into the cubical he would threaten to climb over the walls to peek. I got some form of PTSD when I got into a new school because of this and had a tendency to look back just to make sure my new friends weren't up to no good even though they were minding their own business. I even helped him go from a subpar math student to an 'A' student by teaching him when he needed help, introducing him to the tuition I go to and whatnot. Last year before my friend moved house, I would regularly go over to his house to study, eat dinner with him and play sports together and stay over sometimes. One time, we went to eat dinner together but he wanted to settle some stuff with his new tablet of his. I idled around with him for 30 minutes staying by him to do something I don't even benefit from. Jake used my phone to contact his parents for advice about it and blah blah. Simply put he wasted my time and this happened a number of times. It was automatically assumed that I would go to his house regularly during the weekends to study together. But on two occasions (both this year), I turned up and he just told me "Sorry we didn't plan". I had to waste time to go back home as a result. Even worse, at one point he started trying to charge me for going to study with him. Not even asking for his help. $2 per session with him. Of course, after the second time he canceled out on me this year, I gave up, I stop making plans with him for a long time and I got some sort of hatred towards him.
Now a few days back, Jake and I made plans for me to stay over at his house. He needed my metal detector for some installation of a TV of some sort at his house and needed to know where the metal supports in the wall were. I agreed since it has been a long time we've hung out together and wanted to study for our exams together. I told him to remind me to bring my metal detector along as one does not simply bring a metal detector out regularly and also to meet halfway since his house was pretty far from mine. We made promises to stay over and do some stuff together blah blah. I think at this point he still thinks that there's no bad blood between us but I still held a grudge for making me waste so much of my time
So the day comes, Jake didn't remind me about it and being the forgetful person, I forgot to bring it along too. I told him when I was on the way to his house and he got kinda pissed at me? Not too sure but when I reached his stop alone, he made me wait there for a solid 20minutes before turning up to meet me. Next, we went to get lunch nearby and he told me he didn't have money and naturally, lent him some money. His meal was $3.10 but he only passed me $2.00 as that's all he had now and said, "It's only $1 right? No big deal about it." I just gave him a shake of my head and sighed but he ignored it. I do not get a lot of pocket money from my parents and he knows it too.
Now at this period of time, I was texting this girl that he knew nothing about and he wanted to know who it was. I told him no because first of all I told him before and second of all, knowing him, he was bound to ask for a pic of her and judge her appearance, compare it to my ex-girlfriend just because his current girlfriend were besties with my ex. I also had a new phone and requested for his Wifi password but he was like "Tell me who the girl is first." Not wanting to tell him I just sighed again and remained silent. Keep in mind we had been friends for 3 years before this happened. We then had lunch and started studying. Knowing that we were gonna study the same subjects together, I didn't bring my own lecture notes thinking I could borrow his set of notes to read from. I asked for it only to receive a sarcastic "Oh I don't have it in my house." I just proceeded to start packing my things and told him I was gonna leave if he didn't want to share it with me. No actions from him trying to stop me so I just left his house.
A few minutes later he sent me his notes on WA telling me to come back and I told him no. He started cussing me over text, calling me a fake friend, saying about how I promised the metal detector, claiming I used him as a friend, calling me dog blah blah. I told him I have tolerated his nonsense from him for 3 years now and he just said my limits were shallow??
Am I really the asshole here for leaving his house? Sure I broke a promise but knowing how I would be treated at his house I dreaded staying over that day. Knowing this, I sent him that one quote from the peep show.
"**Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, Jeremy. Welcome to the real world.** "
[https://www.reddit.com/r/quotes/comments/2hlok5/you\_promised\_not\_to\_tell\_hitler\_promised\_not\_to/](https://www.reddit.com/r/quotes/comments/2hlok5/you_promised_not_to_tell_hitler_promised_not_to/)
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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DFDmNaaxQAx3rw044Ry1cvDgvUerUbmK | azboec | {
"description": "denying my GF sex because we were behind on cleaning",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for denying my GF sex because we were behind on cleaning? | So I (20M) stay in my GF's (21F) house most nights. Recently, between 2 warm bodies living in her small house, and her depression, the house has gotten very messy. Of course, this hasn't helped her depression at all.
I've made it a top priority of mine to clean up her house to make her feel better. She knows this, and has known since Thursday I wanted to spend all of (or most of) today (Saturday) cleaning up, putting up posters & paintings, organizing new items from her old place, etc etc etc. However, we didn't get started cleaning until late in the day (about 8:00 PM).
She's been wanting to have sex, and I've told her I really don't want to have sex until this house is clean. I probably wouldn't even be able to enjoy it because I'd be so concerned with time and cleanliness of the house. This has made her upset and I've had to redirect her advances. She knows why.
I don't have OCD, but I believe a clean house is a NECESSITY for someone suffering depression, and a proper adult should have a clean house to come back to at the end of the day. It also produces a more productive work environment, which we both need to do homework.
AITA for this? Sorry if anything about this post is weird or wrong in formatting - first post here. | HISTORICAL | {
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DHOuWU73bWxTYLSVxYv9GzwOdrynfp4k | b4838o | {
"description": "calling someone else an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling someone else an asshole | This story just happened today. Also, I'm on mobile so please excuse any errors I make.
So I'm a freshman in high school and I just got done with my phys Ed class. We're near the end of class and everyone is just ready to leave. I'm wearing a hat which is important soon. These Seniors are next to me and one of them, I have been very vocal, telling him to leave me alone when he follows me around and annoys me during phys Ed. This particular kid, let's call him B, takes my hat.
I reach for the hat but I'm really short so I can't get to it. I then say "Hey, asshole, give it back!" As I reach again.
A teacher saw this all happen and only did something when I opened my mouth. She yelled at me until the bell rang, like 3 minutes, and she told B to keep his hands to himself, nothing else. On top of that I had to apologise to him at the end.
I really don't understand that when I'm being harassed, nothing is being done but as soon as I say something the teachers have echolocation and turn into fucking apes. I still don't know if she's gonna tell the principal or my teacher (he was absent, this teacher I'm talking about teaches weight training) and if she does, I don't know if I'll be in the wrong.
AITA Reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
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sP5PCPqRpUGV9zY2N0xfv9mg0ZcTy7GO | ahv2mb | {
"description": "wanting to go to the same gay night club as my brother when he is asking me not to",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For wanting to go to the same gay night club as my brother when he is asking me not to. | I had planned to go with a couple of friends and I asked him if he wanted to join us, he told me I couldn't go because he had already planned to go the same night and if I went he won't be able to be "him self".
We are fraternal twins,18, both M, both gay. we have Been to many parties and clubs together and it was never an issue nor he ever brought it up. The only difference in this case it's we are going to a gay club for the first time.
I know that he has never kissed someone in public, he had boyfriend at one time but, back then they were both in the closet, so every thing was very secretive. I'm pretty sure that's what he is worried about.
AITA here ??, I understand that he might feel like he is being observed if I go, but I'm gay too it's not like I'm going to make fun of him. | HISTORICAL | {
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27HwUeCaX0aU2splgGCjwt6DrdVnJiMs | ao352j | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend to stop texting me \"K\"",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend to stop texting me "K"? | I've been seeing this girl for a couple of months now and it's become pretty clear she's not a great texter. As in, a lot of her texting feels robotic; less like a conversation between two friends (or in this case, a couple) and more like a conversation between business partners who organize meetings from time to time. As a whole it's pretty annoying, but by far the worst part is when she texts me "K". For example, I might text her that I'm on my way to pick her up for a date or whatever, and she'll respond "K".
Somehow she's apparently missed the memo that sending "K" is kind of a passive aggressive way of saying "I really don't give a shit about whatever it was you just said." I know she doesn't mean it that way at all, and she's not cold in our face-to-face interactions, but it *is* kind of annoying, especially combined with her poor texting habits in general.
I want to bring it up with her, but on the other hand I'm worried that I'm just being petty. After all, it's just a text message and it's certainly not meant in a rude way. Should I just sweep this under the rug? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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rNLks2T37a5B5SKYDtvaknuKEVE4qmml | b4ydt6 | {
"description": "being angry at my wife cause she got wasted when we have ao old",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for being angry at my wife cause she got wasted when we have a 2mo old.. | Okay, first post here.. so I'll try to get right to the point.
Am I the asshole for being angry with my wife because she went out and got wasted with friends? I understand as new parents we both will need our own space sometimes which is fine. I told her to go out and have fun, which she replied she wouldn't be out too late and would not get hammered. Well basically that was false and she did get hammered and was out till last call.. also brought one of her friends back here who proceeded to vomit all night in our bathroom. That pretty much sums it up.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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rJXSE1yA9c80ngUymxiNxn6C8I6PhFuW | ao33qn | {
"description": "wanting to distance myself from my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to distance myself from my best friend? | This is going to be a bit of a long story because I'm fairly anxious about the whole thing and probably rambling on for a lot of it, so sorry in advance.
Okay SO just a few things for context.
Me (22F) and my friend (25F, let's call her Mary) have been friends for years. We lived together during college and know everything about eachother, we were like sisters (well I thought so anyway loll).
Things were great with us when I was single in 1st and 2nd year of college. I was out clubbing most nights with the girls, life was one big party it was litttt, especially because I was friends with a lot of the club owners around the city so they'd always sort us out with guestlists, free drinks and vip treatment (No, nobody sucked dick for guestlist lol, I worked part-time in a phone company for business owners so these guys were always trying to get early upgrades by being nice.)
It was in 3rd year when I started noticing things going downhill between me and Mary. She broke up with her boyfriend after cheating on him but told him she did it because she wanted to be single (That's when I was like daaaammnn girly you shady).
My life was starting to go in a completely different direction to hers, I met my current boyfriend, I started to excel at college and work. The better I was doing academically, the less I wanted to go out drinking and be hungover and sick the next day.
So one night I was in bed early, exhausted from a day of mindless pipetting. Mary was going clubbing that night, and before she left the house she came into my room and straight up asked me to sort her and her friends out with guestlist and free drinks at the club. Most of those girls, I had never even met before. Like I said, the times we'd get into clubs for free was because the bouncers or club owners were being nice, I felt really awkward asking for guest list for a bunch of strangers. So I explained that to her and I thought she was cool with it.
A few hours later, I'm sound asleep resting up for my daily dose of mental exhaustion in the lab - and my phone starts ringing. It was a friend of mine who worked at the club calling to say Mary was kicking off at the bouncer going batshit crazy about how if they don't let her and her friends in, I'd hear about it and make a complaint to the club owner and make sure the bouncer got fired. LIKE THAT'S AWFUL. I have worked in retail, and so I feel like anyone involved in dealing with the public as a job deserves a medal, I could never speak to anyone like that. So of course I apologise and go and pick her up because she's acting all crazy continuing to make threats and make a show of herself. So I get there and instead of getting the fuck into the car to go home, she's trying to get a group of randomers into my car and another group of randomers to follow in a taxi for a house party. After a lot of arguing, finally managed to bring her home and put her to bed.
So that was the start of it, but fast forward to now.
I got my BSc, I'm working as a clinical microbiologist, living with my boyfriend and we're hoping to move to the Netherlands at the end of the year.
Mary graduated too and is also working but she's on the other side of the country, we would talk every day but just didn't have the time to meet (Isn't that what adulting is? A constant state of clashing schedules).
To catch up we decided to book a weekend away abroad, it was great to see her after so long! On the Friday we had the best day, loads of adventuring. It was a bit annoying how now and again she would just zone out on tinder but I got over that. We decided to go for a few cocktails and straight away she wanted to leave and go somewhere else because in her words "there's no talent here, like there's legit nobody looking at me it's a waste of this outfit and my makeup, the boys here are rotten". So I was like "Mean but ya sure we won't stay in the same place anyway we'll go suss the town out."
At the end of the night we decided to go to the club, it was super super busy and there was a lot of pushing and shoving and a few of us ended up falling over and a group of boys helped me up and then helped her up straight away (thanks boys appreciate it, you the real MVPs), this is the part that I was like wtf - she literally started SCREAMING crying. I got so worried I thought maybe she got hurt from the fall or something. I brought her to the bathroom and tried to calm her down but she just turned on me, calling me an attention seeker, saying that everyone rushed to help me first and left her there (which was not true). She started shouting telling me to tell her she looks unreal, I was kind of scared tbh she was acting crazy. She just kept screaming "DON'T I LOOK UNREAL?!!!!" She literally only calmed down when agreed to tell her what she wanted to hear. I was genuinely scared. So we leave the bathroom and sit down and she starts randomly telling me that because she's my best friend, she would never let me sleep with anyone else BUT making out with other men doesn't count as cheating on my boyfriend and that I should go wild with other men in the club because I'm "too young to settle for one boy"- those were her exact words. I was so shocked, she knows how happy I am with my boyfriend, and sorry but that's bullshit. Yes it is cheating, in my eyes if you're even sending really flirty texts to someone you're half way to cheating so making out is definitely cheating ffs. She kept trying to get me to cheat and I was so pissed off at her at this stage I wanted to go back to the hotel room.
Decided to call it a night, and went to get food after the club and two boys came in to the fast food place and she turned to me straight away and said "Don't forget you have a boyfriend, don't say hi back. Literally nobody has given me any attention tonight don't take this away from me."
I literally ignored the lot of them and was happy out eating my chicken nuggets.
The next day I felt really sick, Idk if it was the food or being hungover or what but I needed to sleep in for a while longer. She literally physically shook me to wake me up and said "Who tf is going to take insta pics of me if you're sleeping in, you're being such a selfish bitch rn"
....
So I told her I'd meet her at the restaurant near by after I slept in, which I did but she just wanted to keep drinking cocktails all day. I decided I didn't want to drink that day because our flight was at 5am the next morning and I felt sick enough as it was. She just kept giving me dirty looks telling me how she should have just brought a tinder match with her instead because they'd be so much more fun and up for drinking. I just kept quiet because I really hate confrontation and conflict. Then she said "Right I'm going off on my own for a while because we've been here 2 days and I still haven't gotten the ride, if I was here with any of the other girls they'd be up for bringing a party back to the hotel or drinking or having fun with boys" so we walked back to the hotel, she got dressed up and then she slammed the door as she left. I was quiet the whole time but as soon as she slammed the door I burst into tears. I just don't understand what I had done to make her so so so mad. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated at the way she yelled that at me in a restaurant full of people. I couldn't understand why I had made her so angry.
The next day we had to leave early for our flight, the hotel staff were so kind and told me they'd serve breakfast for us earlier than they usually do so we could eat before leaving. When we finished breakfast I was clearing the table because it was a self service buffet system, Mary belittled me for cleaning up and told me to leave the mess there because that's their job. I just ignored her and once we got to the airport there was complete silence unless she made a comment now and then about how it was such a waste of a trip. I was just too shocked to say anything. When we landed home, my boyfriend came to collect me and she had another tinder match waiting to pick her up from the airport. As soon as I got in the car I couldn't stop crying.
I'm a really anxious person but I really try to be kind and do my best to not make life difficult for anyone because life is hard enough as it is. This was 2 weeks ago, and I'm still so upset about it because I saw such a mean side of her and we haven't spoken since, it's crazy because we used to be such good friends. I just feel like she couldn't care less if we stopped talking. So AITA if I drift from her?
Sorry again for how long this was, it felt kind of good to let it out though, thanks for reading x | HISTORICAL | {
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s1arbw1x3MtoAo7bqVd8MpIAnWHqmb6V | agu79i | {
"description": "breaking things off the day after we had sex",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA If I Broke Things Off The Day After We Had Sex? | So I met this girl a couple of weeks ago, super bubbly, weird and scatterbrained but in a cute way. We started talking this past weekend, really hit it off, and ended up having sex tonight. There's a lot of baggage that comes with her which I don't usually have a problem with, but she also kept saying how she really doesn't want a relationship right now because she's trying to focus on getting out of poverty but also really likes me wants to make something work. I ran with it because things change and you can figure things out.
​
Fast forward to after sex, we go to the corner store so she can pay rent and just starts acting super weird. Like a combination of drunk/high but saying she was super tired. It really started freaking me out because I didn't know if this was her normally or she took something or what. Either way, she's the one driving and sort of randomly decides to go to the bar around the corner. Literally just a passenger at this point. I didn't feel like drinking that much so I just get water and she orders a shot and a whiskey coke, takes the shot and then decides that she doesn't want the whiskey coke at all anymore so I end up just drinking it and we leave. Head back to her place, her driving is scaring me. She notices a cop in front of us when we get near her house and pretty much has a panic attack and just froze once she parked the car, just smoking a cigarette and saying how she doesn't want to go back to jail. Eventually she relaxed and we went back inside and I said I had to go home and let my dog out so I kissed her goodbye and left. I'm definitely not going to keep seeing this girl.
​
I don't really know what the fuck happened tonight, but I don't really want any part of it anymore. But WIBTA if I broke it off tomorrow and look like the guy that got laid and then bounced? Or WIBTA more if I sat on it a day? I'm still trying to process what the hell just happened tonight. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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WizFchC0HRiJKkztGkLFwQVVaKUDtPC3 | a0zuje | {
"description": "feeling like a wailing wall and demanding superfluous whining to stop",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for feeling like a wailing wall and demanding superfluous whining to stop? | When an SO or family gets very agitated at one of life's grievances I usually first acknowledge this by saying something like "it's ok, yes i understand", etc. But when it then extends into ranting and whatever happened is out of our control, is it wrong to feel like a punching bag and having a problem with this? Do I really need to hear how angry you are at this electronic device, especially when you are asking me for help? | HISTORICAL | {
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Rwp4Srts1xt3SBUmiLc1GUbpyTSMJAMs | 9t6d8s | {
"description": "pulling ahead in the right lane",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pulling ahead in the right lane | My commute home use to be through rush hour traffic. Everyday cars would line up like lemmings in the left lane three intersections away because two lanes would merge into one and no one wanted to be the "asshole". This would drive me nuts. The right lane would be completely empty THREE intersections away because everyone wanted to prematurely merge so they weren't that guy trying to "cut" people off. Meanwhile traffic would back up on the whole street and make a terrible commute worse. If people just used the right lane and merged when appropriate then you could fit double the amount of cars on that section of the road and there would be less backups all around.
I of course would ride the right lane until the merge point at which time I would turn on my blinker and merge over. Without fail I would get death stares, middle fingers, and the ol' I own the road in front of me and there's no way you are getting past.
Am I part of the problem or part of the solution for taking the right lane?*...cue "Go your own way" \~Fleetwood Mac* | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
AdW00V2ZI0d2ppeWwefbCySy4Wj7hjb9 | b51eoc | null | Aita? Aita for being annoyed husband masturbated to instead of having sex with me? [NSFW] | Sorry for formatting on mobile & throwaway for embarrassment.
After dinner, my husband and I went to bed. I tried coming onto him and he said "can we after a nap? I'm very tired." I said sure. While I did not expect to also fall asleep, I did. I forgot to set an alarm for myself and woke up a couple of hours later. My husband woke up before me. We have a child and I woke up because our son was crying. I was worried something happened to my husband (because usually he'd be making sure son was okay if crying). I went to son's room and husband wasn't there. The lights were off. I found husband in our wc, with headphones on, watching a video. He was supprised and said he guessed his headphones worked too well. He claimed he was looking at memes. We laughed it happens. However, I opened the trash to throw away a tissue and saw what looked like semen on a toleit roll. I asked if he had masturbated while in there and he said yes. This really upset me. For one, my husband is much lower libido than I am. I often go without sex that I'd like. Second, it makes me feel unwanted and hurt that he chose to watch porn instead of having sex with me when we were both home. It makes me feel like he doesn't find me as attractive as he says he does. If he did, shouldn't I be better than his hand and watching lesbians hump each other with fake dicks? It really annoys me. Third, he claimed that as our son was waking he wanted to be fast. However, our son was crying and he wasn't there. Fourth, he claimed that he did this because he "didn't want to wake me". He's woken me for sex before and I've literally never minded. I feel disgusted, annoyed, unwanted, jealous and hurt all in one. He claimed "we could still have sex later", but as I've mentioned he's lower libido and won't be able to for a while now. I feel so disgusted by this I also don't want to have sex with him anymore and I feel annoyed by this. We already don't have sex often as I would like. I've brought this up previously and he's said "we need to make time for it", but when I do he blows me off. I'm kind of just wanting to leave at this point. Am I the asshole? Thanks. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
j5PjjzICpJlS4nbd11LWUOMK2FElT9Cv | anbts9 | {
"description": "not being there for my ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being there for my ex | Alright so some context for our relationship and why we broke up. I am a fairly depressed individual and so was she, however she was also fairly abusive and the only reason, towards the last third of the relationship, of me sticking around was to try to make sure she didn't hurt herself. So when I left it was because I couldn't handle her being emotionally manipulative any longer and I needed to support myself.
Anyways I would say about a month after the breakup me and a buddy are playing MTG at local games store and I get a text from her asking to talk to me. I agree and we begin to text again, and after some small talk I ask her the reason for her texting me again. She reveals to me that she has a tumor that they found out to be a malignant form of Melanoma. Of course I feel bad about this but I'm still in a place where I feel I can't get close to her so I tell her I'm sorry to hear that and I hope she gets better.
Well other mutual friends hear about this and since I didn't offer any emotional assistance, not trying to be more there for her or anything I am in the wrong. She ended up getting it removed and it was all fine so at least that turned out well. So am reaching out to see what you guys think, was I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gJySON7yD6NO1aIYIJAKXB9V2Gaheh8A | aa2283 | {
"description": "leaving a meeting when the conversation derails into banter",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving a meeting when the conversation derails into banter ? | Can’t do it. I feel like it’s a waste of my time but it’s still a “ meeting “ ???
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ILULCs44eICGyiBxOKR3gpcXlfr3DiHB | auos63 | {
"description": "having sex with my late wife's younger sister",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 25
} | AITA for having sex with my late wife's younger sister? | I (36M) was married to my wife (same age) for 6 years until she passed away in March 2016. Quick backstory - we met while I was deployed to Iraq in 2008 (former USMC, she was with an NGO), and it just sort of happened. It was a pretty intense time in both our lives, and we didn't intend to stay together after all was said-and-done, but I couldn't let it go. After the tour was over, I took leave, went to Belgium (where she's from) and basically said I loved her and wanted to make it work. We got married the next year, and we have a daughter (8F).
​
I took it hard when she passed away from pancreatic cancer. I've been through a fair bit in life, haven't had issues with PTSD from my time in the service (somehow), but when she died I just lost it. Lost a ton of weight, quit exercising, drank a lot. It went on like that for a year, until my parents and friends basically were like, "Ok, JetBlueWaffle, time to get your shit together and move on."
​
Her sister (33F) moved to the US, and is staying in our house. She just started a new job, and I offered her the room so she could save more money before she got her own place. We get along really well. She (as well as that entire side of the family) was really supportive when my wife passed.
​
Anyway, a few nights ago, we had sex. I didn't really intend on it, but we'd been having a lot of wine, etc... She was complaining about her boyfriend back home, I was talking about how it's hard to date and manage work, and we did it. All things considered, it was enjoyable. She had to travel for work, and we haven't talked or texted in the past few days.
​
Be honest Reddit - AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 20,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 25
} | WRONG |
evCAVmL5No9s4t9WQXUZoh1ISZRm88FE | ahflo8 | {
"description": "having a problem with the real reason my best friend doesn't use the n word",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for having a problem with the real reason my best friend doesn't use the N word? | Here's some background info-
Im Black, and my best friend is Mexican. She and I are very close, been friends for years. She's met my extended family (all Black) and has always been welcome in my family's home. She gets invited to family activities and dinners and things like that. We basically consider her family and I see her as a sister.
Recently, she retweeted a post on twitter regarding the N-word, in which the post insinuated that Black people get "butt-hurt",or overdramatic, when other races use the N-word.
I screenshotted the post and texted her, asking if she really agreed with what that post said, and she asked why I was even asking the question since she obviously agreed with it since she posted it.
Personally I'm offended because to me, I always thought she refrained from using that word because she respected me and my family and race. Agreeing with that Twitter post means to me that she only refrains from using the word because she doesn't want to hear me or others complain (which I never do about the word).
AITA for calling her out for her post and getting offended?
Tldr: My bestfriend refrains from using the N-word because she doesn't want to hear complaints, not because she respects me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
JAs50vLVI8eLjaEdLhZ6HKkQiSsuGevm | ajg1jn | {
"description": "kicking my roommate out and putting all his shit to the street while he is in the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for kicking my roommate out and putting all his shit to the street while he is in the hospital? | My roommate moved in my house with my husband and I. My husband was the manager of a pizza restaurant and he was one of the employees. He was living with his girlfriend's parents so they kicked him out when they broke up. In November of 2018. In December my husband passed away so now it is just the two of us.
I agreed initially to take his rent in two payments $175 every two weeks. He paid me $175 for the first half of December. But has not paid me sense. I had gotten a bit of sympathy money from family, my job, etc after my husband passed so when the roommate came to me in early January saying he was having money troubles I initially said it was okay and he just needs to get it to me as soon as he can.
Turns out his "money troubles" were that he is talking to his ex-girlfriend again and he is giving his money to her. I talked to him about the money issue again on the 15th stating that he is officially a month behind. He placed a call to his dad and his grandma. They told him to "not worry about rent the next few months since you just lost your best friend and your girlfriend. We will take care of it." So supposedly his grandma Fedexed a check the next day (why she didn't just mail it like a normal person, I have no idea.) The check never came. That was at this point 8 days ago.
So Saturday my roommate goes to the ER because he got his contact stuck in his eye. He ended up needing emergency surgery. He texted me from the hospital saying he would be admitted for a week because they have to check the eye every 30 minutes otherwise he would lose it. He also tells me his dad was on his way to the hospital and would get me the rent that day. That was Saturday. Never heard from him since.
He texts me yesterday saying he is being transferred to another hospital even further. His girlfriend is bringing him home to get his Switch. His grandma is meeting him at the house and she will give me the check. I get home. He's not there. I text him, he says he is at his girlfriend's house and his grandma didn't make it to town. I don't hear from him at all the rest of the night.
I text him this morning asking him to give me his grandmother or his father's phone number so I can speak to them myself because I am sick of the runaround. He is officially 7 weeks behind at this point. I sent that text around 9:00 and he simply hasn't responded.
Today is the 24th. I am going to give him until the 1st, hospital or not and if I don't get my money I plan on bringing all his shit to the dumpster. I have already placed an ad online for the room. I want to throw away his shit as "payback" for living in my house for several weeks rent free, spending all his pizza paychecks on his ex girlfriend and drugs, while he knows I am struggling to make ends meet because my husband just died.
I can't tell if he is just bullshitting me or if his family is bullshiting him. Regardless, I am not getting the money and I know he is giving his GF money for like...existing and continueing to fuck him???
TLDR: Roommate moves in with my husband and I. My husband dies. My roommate spends all his spending money on his gf/drugs and has been giving me the run around for several weeks saying his family will pay his portion of the rent.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
7HCoD9xm51bjqfExl3bTp94n7PSEp8le | 9wvq5u | {
"description": "wanting natural disasters to happen to my town",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA For wanting natural disasters to happen to my town? | A bit of backstory I’ve always loved natural disasters. When the tsunami in japan happened I watched all the YouTube videos of the tsunami devouring the city’s and country areas. During hurricane katrina I watched the news coverage as much as possible. I’ve always wanted to see a tsunami like that, a hurricane like that, a 8.0+ magnitude earthquake, an F 5 tornado, a volcano erupt, I wanna see all these amazing things in person.
I told my friend that I hope a hurricane or tsunami hits us and she told me I was an asshole for wanting people to lose their families as well as their belongings all so I can see a natural disaster. Now. I have no control over the weather also I live in a state that is one of the very few states that would have better luck having someone win the lottery 5x in a row then us get hit with ANY natural disaster. So why am I the asshole for wanting something to happen that we all know never will? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
rqxVPXiIliBS0U4sTAQ0vObyHXRZgjRc | ansruq | {
"description": "not liking my gift",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not liking my gift? | (For some clarification, yes, this is very similar to the post from u/fullpilot . They reminded me of this event and I didn't know where to post it until now.)
So my 18th birthday was last Thursday, January 31st. And I come from a somewhat well-off family.
For my sister's 16th birthday a few years back, she got a $1,200 purebred Dachsund and a used Pontiac G6 GT for $8,000.
Being the youngest child, it's no surprise I got everything last, so I was expecting at least one gift.
Didn't get one. Not from my parents at least. Instead my brother went to the surplus store and got me a knockoff $20 taser. Which stopped charging the day I got it so it doesn't work anymore.
Not gonna lie, I felt angry at first but now I'm being more concious to the fact that I sound like a spoiled little bitch and I really don't wanna coome off that way. Just wondering, am I the asshole in this situation?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qP0jlOlhJamjMGOv0FTWtAmVQKTMdrzr | anod0b | {
"description": "insisting that the dinner table of ten guest speak the common language of the region so I dont feel left out of the conversation",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 26
} | AITA for insisting that the dinner table of ten guest speak the common language of the region so I dont feel left out of the conversation? | The context here is that all the guests speak their native tongue, a foreign language. I dont speak it. I know that they speak the local language too.
It appears rude they they have an opportunity to include me in their conversation, but have chosen not to, by speaking only in their native tongue.
AITA for insisting they speak in the local language so I can comprehend?
All the guest are family and I married into their family cross culturally. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 26
} | WRONG |
g0C0DcWBVA4FN7CFScYjiueQcUOMEUII | b5xnud | {
"description": "arguing for equality or atleast I hope",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA arguing for equality or atleast i hope. (Double whammy) | - On Instagram i generally get into a lot of debates in my spare time for some fun and to help my english and stat work since theres usually alot of homework involved
- i go onto Tessas post, its a comic panel conveying equality between both men and women. Seems good enough, its a movement i am involved in -- egalitarianism. Equality for both genders. Theres a ton of whiteknights and alot of bashing on men for being weak or whatever.
- i decide enough is enough and partake in an argument since its a good break from my studying for my Physics mocks.
- "funny how men take that as being hated" i disagree by saying that in the comments at the very least theres a ton of guys whiteknighting and how the schema of third wave feminism (which i cleared up as feminazism to avoid linking it to actual feminism which i support and advocate for) is bashing on men and that the comments dont really decline that fact.
- someone replies by saying that thats the vocal minority, i agree and that it should not be correlated at all to feminism.
- whiteknight (whos apparently joking comes in) "we're fragile" theres a ton of comments like this that are genuine so i did not understand its satire. I respond by saying thats not true and that it only should reference men who dislike feminism and say that its cancerous and whatnot, he then stays persistent in that point even after saying it was a joke and that how me calling him a whiteknight proves his point despite the fact that i said it does basically parallel his behaviour and if he is offended "im sorry but its true"
- continues persistency.
☆2☆
- a chinese game dev says he isnt good at making lovestories because he never fell in love and only faced rejection yet he'll try harder to make better games.
- someone comments that hes a niceguy and a neckbeard, i argue it isnt and completely deconstruct what he is saying to disprove her point.
- she resorts to calling me a niceguy and using r/iamverysmart. While i am left confused.
Help me out here, did i come off as sexist or insulting?
If so that wasnt my intention and i will try to correct it. | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sjcMEELkLyf9UoCV7ttPJrSFV0XP4dXh | b7ve6p | {
"description": "sleeping with my best friends ex gf",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for sleeping with my best friends ex gf? | So my bestfriend/roomate was dating this girl that he met from our job (we both work at the same UPS hub). He works the evening shift, while I work the graveyard shift and there's this girl I saw that I was really attracted to. I was reluctant to approach her because I am her indirect supervisor ( She wasn't my dedicated employee but I would frequently cover for her supervisor or relay directions to her group for operational purposes)
Fast forward they have been dating for a year or more. One day he ends the relationship and they go their separate ways. He didn't feel the same way about her that she did towards him. I made no effort to talk to her whatsoever.
Fast forward again about a year and a half later he has a new gf that he's really serious about. One day his ex reaches out to me to buy some weed from me (I was growing at the time and would post pictures om my snapchat). I met up with her to sell her some bud and she asked me to hangout for a little bit and I agreed. I had absolutely no intention of hooking up with her, because of her history with my roommate, but one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. It happened several more times after this mainly because I felt very comfortable around her and enjoyed her company.
One day I decided to tell him what was going on, because I don't like to keep secrets from my close friends. Initially he just brushed it off, but the next day he told me he felt like I betrayed him and it was fucked up that I had hooked up with her on several different occasions.
For me I feel like I did nothing wrong because i didn't initiate or seek her out, but also because he was the one who broke up with her and on top of that it has been well over a year AND he has a new gf who he is in love with. He said he still has strong feelings for her and if that's true than why did you end the relationship? He told me to promise him that I would never see her again and I agreed.
Am I wrong for wanting to be around someone that makes me feel like I am cared about eventhough they have history with a very close friend of mine? I didn't want to get inimate with her, she initiated it and I didn't stop her because it felt right and I was very lonely. Is it more important that I keep him happy or pursue my own happiness?
TLDR; my roommate broke up with his gf a year and a half ago and currently has a new gf. His ex contacted me and we ended up getting intimate with eachother unintentionally (at least on my behalf I can't speak for her intentions). I felt the need to confess this to him and he feels like I betrayed our friendship and wants me to promise never to talk to her again. He feels like he can't trust me anymore.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uMYLowMTQBFvXTuCjzYWBdIJ14bAnFST | b7dkfw | {
"description": "causing tension with my friends boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for causing tension with my friends Boyfriend? | Forgive formatting and spelling, I'm on mobile.
Obviously most quotes will be slightly paraphrased, but display the truth as I perceived it.
To make a long story short, I've had a co-worker that has also been a good friend for about a year now. We'll call her Bee. She's been dating a man for about 6-8 months now, and living with her pretty much the entire time they've been dating.
Last night, I went over to Bees house to bullshit as we often do on Friday nights (video games, weed, booze, anime, food, or all of the above) After she lets me in both of her daughters (4/5 and 7) started screaming that I was there, giving hugs, asking for me to do things for/with them, normal kid shit. So, making a little small talk with the girls (Oh Really? You'll have to ask your momma about that... You know, stuff like that, the generic response to excited kids), I make the way to my to Bees room, where we usually do most of our hanging.
I haven't even turned away from Bee or her kids, taken my jacket or messenger bag off, and Bee's boyfriend pops off from behind me,
"You just gonna walk in to someone's crib and not greet them? Seriously?"
Now, at first, I assume he's joking, but when I turn around he's seriously pissed. I scoff and start to take my messenger bag off and put it in the usual spot (I'm a bit ocd-ish at times), and say
"You saw me and saw I was saying hello to everyone. It's not like I was ignoring you
But you can say hello to me, you know."
More, what he said really pissed me off, because this isn't his place. His name ain't on the lease, his name ain't on the car, and he doednt pay 50% of any bills (except party favors)
After a few moments he replied "Nah" with a fucked up look on his face.
He proceeds to sit in the room when us for 1.5 hours, refusing to speak or acknowledge either of us for the majority of the night, unless it was his turn in rotation for weed, and then only sometimes, skipping some hits then acting pissy if we assumed he wanted skipped.. He pulls her off to smoke a cigarette, they talk for a sec, and then he returns. I go outside to smoke with Bee a d ask her if I should go. She says no, but I still end up leaving shortly afterwards cause I feel awkward af at this point.
So, AITA for not greeting my friends BF before her kids? Or not apologizing to the man who loves in but does not own the place for not paying him enough respect? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
t0gBtoZmAuwWpssB8dK4a7MjLuDKBmrh | ama0mg | {
"description": "denying for FWB sexual advances",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for denying for FWB sexual advances? | So heads up i know consent is always key and I have the absolute trust my FWB(29m) believes in consent. With that said he’s been pressuring me a lot lately saying how he doesn’t want our relationship to be only sex based.
Today he hits me up telling me his penis will be out of commission tonight (he has a medical condition and when it acts up makes it hard to have sex).
I was fine and was just happy to know I’d be coming over after work to chill.
Knowing that we weren’t having sex I (24f)took care of myself before work (if you catch my drift).
Fast forward to him texting me some very sexual
Stuff. I wasn’t in the mood and was kind of beating around the bush with one worded answers hoping he’d get he hint.
Then he sends me this long text about all the naughty stuff he wants to do tonight. I’m not saying without his penis it’s a deal breaker. But I’m working a closing shift and I already got mine this morning. I didn’t want to be in that mood tonight. So i just responded with “k”.
He got upset saying how he was vulnerable and all i have to say is k.
Again, i know I don’t have to play along with his advances, but should I have been more vocal before he went into depth about what he wants to do. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z9sipjd0y5D6eKeiTREK3xECfwiInMFK | abq3lk | {
"description": "hitting on my best friend's gf shortly before their soon-to-be breakup",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for hitting on my best friend's gf shortly before their soon-to-be breakup? | TL;DR: Best friend's gf plans to break up with him and tells me so over a phone call. I'm lonely and have a nice chat with her. Says she may like me very much. Me is mostly thinking about sex, for the sake of friendship (?), no relationship. AITA for technically flirting with a girl in a failed relationship?
On mobile, kinda worried/confused and no native English speaker, so sorry for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes.
So, my best friend of about 5 years and his gf have been together for about 1,5 months. His gf, whom I've met once with him and then once alone, also somehow has become a friend of mine, at least a likeable person, I'd say.
They really look cute and all, being the new, young couple freshly and deeply in love....however,just a few hours ago, his gf called me (we've become hodd and trustable friends over the time. And, since she happens to love cuddles, we've been pretty touchy, too; only with the consent of my best friend, tho, of course) and admittedly told me she was thinking about and actually considering breaking up with my friend.
Around that time, I've been feeling a little lonely, so I tried to keep the talk as long as possible, asking her out on her motives, if it maybe was just a phase etc. (it isn't. Honestly doesn't feel love for him anymore, thinks he is too clingy, plans on talking to him this week...) and then....after some time, a few puns and giggles and sort of serious talks here and there, I've asked her about her thoughts on me only to find out she thinks I'm kind of a weirdo, but in a cute and irritating. Didn't really feel bad at actually trying to flirt with her in some way...
It went on for about 3 to 4 hours, us only ending it because she felt tired. In the end, I found out she may start developing a crush on me, and me.....telling her I would rather prefer just a one night stand as being in a relationship with her would be weird, regarding my buddy... I don't know.
So, what do you all think? Am I overreacting? Exaggerating? AITA? Have been a lurker until now and I'm really....uhh...confused? Is that the word?
Anyway, please just tell me how badly I effed up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
V9IWHmMUvEDkmBDiMXYthAmu0qCKmp2T | ao70yp | {
"description": "not wanting my gf to be on my troupe",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting my GF to be on my troupe? | Hi guys so quick background My GF and I have been dating for 2.5 years now, and everything is going great, we're happy together, love each other all that good stuff. We're both at the Same University and both 3rd years. My 1st year I got together with some friends of mine and started a comedy improv team, and we've grown from 2 members to 20 since then, and we have tryouts every semester.
Yesterday, my GF tells me she's going to try out for the team, which I really dont want to happen. However, its her prerogative and im not going to tell her what to do, or what not to do. Basically, I dont want her to because it's "my thing" and she comes around the shows a lot and shes always more than welcome when we throw parties or get dinner together, which I like bc I love her and all, but if she's on the team it'll become "our thing" and there really wont be anything I do that shes not a part of. She's often busy during these parties/dinner so she comes when she can, but it's still mostly me and my friends. She also joined my professional org early last semester, which I was happy with because it was cool to her have around at the dumb events I hate, but improv is different. I feel like this is the last thing I have that I can do and just do alone.
The thing is I do thing im being impartial here, if the same thing I wouldn't be enthused about it. I dont think we should ever tell someone to not tryout, of course, but I think it can only do bad things. If She doesn't make it, it'll seem like my friends dont like her, and, on the flip side, my friends will be more inclined to put her on the team because shes a friend and they like her. If she gets on the team and we break up, that's 2.5 years of baggage that wont just go away, and could mess up the troupe.
Last note: I did tell her I didn't want her to, but I wouldn't stop her from doing it, and she said she is sad we disagree but will do it anyway.
Thanks, all
tl;dr My girlfriend wants to try out for my improv team but I feel like its 'my thing' | HISTORICAL | {
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sOxtXEpyKb1cZyBgRVOpfufF9rYsMd1a | ahtmip | {
"description": "hating watching movies with my wife",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hating watching movies with my wife? | I love movies. Always have - all types of movies.
My wife cannot stop talking during movies whether in the theater or at home.
Who’s that guy?
Is that the same lady from Harry Potter?
Oh I love his shirt.
She’s so pretty.
That’s mean - why did he do that?
Is he going to die?
The music is so pretty!
On, and on, and on... it never ends. I’ve asked her a hundred times over the years to just try and enjoy the movie and it will all explain itself and she knows that it drives me nuts - but she does it every time. And it always starts with “Let’s watch a movie - I promise I won’t talk this time.”
AITA for just not wanting to put up with it anymore? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
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"NOBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
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bbyO8hBPGnPpyrhgZSI5je4NswtXFGUH | aguo5j | {
"description": "wanting to go somewhere with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to go somewhere with my GF | I’ve been with my GF for 7 years, we started dating in High school grade 12. Along the road since we come from conservative cultures her parents found out that she was texting me late at night when we were 17 and her parents basically told her to dump and never talk to me again. But we continued to do so in secret. Ever since, our relationship has been on the down low and not in the public.
Fast forward to now, my GF and I meet every week and we’re pretty happy together and relationship is still on the DL. We figured we’d tell our parents that we want to get married when we’re well established in Our lives; finish school, have a job, etc.
Now the issue at hand, I’ve always wanted to go somewhere for the day and spend a day or two outside the city. But recently me and her had a fight because I kept telling her that I wanted to do something with her and take a trip somewhere, and she basically said that she’s not comfortable with going anywhere with me and that we don’t need to make memories by going anywhere, and that all that matters in the end is that I have her by my side. She further stated that, asking her to go somewhere with me shows that I value “making memories and sharing adventures” more than I value her.. and that if I want to go with her somewhere I should wait until we’re married which could be another 4-5 years..
TL;DR: Am I the asshole for wanting to go somewhere with my GF because I want to spend time, share an adventure, and make memories with her?
Sorry for the grammar, typing this on my phone.
| HISTORICAL | {
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NdQMdsHLpgTUhuhxTLffp9q2sywycVCI | axdzf4 | {
"description": "expecting my boyfriend to accompany me to a research hospital for my rare health condition",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for expecting my boyfriend to accompany me to a research hospital for my rare health condition? | Hey guys,
I apologize in advance for the wall of text but I'm quite lost and hurt at the moment.
My boyfriend \[28\] and I \[27\] have been dating for 1.5 years and for the most part he has been a kind and supportive boyfriend, although he hasn't taken much of an interest in my ongoing rare health condition. Without going into too much detail, I have a very rare condition that started 5 years ago and has been getting increasingly worse the past 2 years. I'm in a lot of pain and on bad days its quite debilitating and affects my quality of life greatly. In addition if untreated it can result in potentially life threatening issues (blood clots leading to stroke, heart attack etc.) My boyfriend has watched me suffer with this condition through our relationship and go from doctor to doctor looking for help, without much success (due to my disease being very rare).
​
I finally got an appointment at a renowned research hospital that specializes in this disease. I would have to be there for 3-4 days and it involves a 4 hour flight from our home city. The hospital recommends someone accompaniy me since I would have to cease taking my medication for multiple days before the flight/appointment and will be in need of assistance due to increased physical symptoms.
I don't really have anyone else to go with meme. I don't have many friends in the area, my father isn't really in the picture and my mother will not be able to to get time off work to go with me, so it only leaves my boyfriend. He initially offered to go since he's in tech and can work remotely, and he has flight credits to use for the flight there.
However, now his roommate announced he's moving out at the end of April and my bf will need to find a new roommate.
He says he will be too stressed with finding a roommate and can't leave in April for multiple days (my appointment is April 16th). He asked me to move the appointment and I told him I will have to go back on a 6-12 month waitlist if I cancel, but he insisted having a good roommate is important to him and April will be busy with interviewing roommates. He seems to very concerned he will have to pay rent on his own for a month if he doesn't find someone. However, we live in a large tech heavy city with people always looking for rooms and he has a decent apartment.
​
AITA for thinking he's being incredibly selfish considering how much of an impact this disease has on my life?
​
Thank you for everyone's advice!
​
​
​
​
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
G97jXujO4dEcZiWkmCsDLOkaqhzBbBa2 | b3wrfq | {
"description": "not siding with my girlfriend when her dad wouldn't buy her ice cream",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not siding with my girlfriend when her dad wouldn’t buy her ice cream? | Mobile
So I’m on spring break with my girlfriend and her dad, and we drove by an ice cream place where my girlfriend said she wanted some ice cream. Her dad said maybe later, and the subject was dropped. Later at dinner she asked about the ice cream, and her dad responded with “ive paid for everything this week, we’re going home after this, no ice cream.” My girlfriend responded with “but you said later,” an her dad turned to me and said, “did I say that?” I simply said I didn’t remember, not wanting to choose sides or whatever, but my girlfriend hasn’t spoken to me since. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
MP248YUHso0Gi33cnEvlV1XOTb9oSfHV | aalj4s | {
"description": "snitching on my brother-in-law to his mother",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for snitching on my brother-in-law to his mother? | So I realise the title reads like something you would expect in a school playground but hear me out.
Due to certain circumstances during the holidays when my fiancée and I are home from University, we both stay at her family's house with her brother and mother. Her brother is, to put it simply, a bit of a dick. He walks over his sister and mother constantly with no repercussions and generally lacks any respect for anyone. The only thing that has any influence on him is the fact that his mother pays all of his phone/gym/general bills, despite the fact that he works a full-time job and pays no rent.
Anyway, onto the assholery. Under no circumstances will his mother let him have friends over, mainly because most of them smoke weed and she can't trust any of them. Obviously he doesn't take any notice of this. She tends to go away for several days at a time which coincidentally means he has friends round *every* night. They're ridiculously loud and it basically means we're both unable to sleep until they're gone which is usually at 1am. Every time this happens I politely message him asking them to all be quiet as I'm struggling to sleep, this is always met with cackles from downstairs and they then get louder. This has happened a few nights in a row now with me constantly asking them to be quiet. So last night I went for the only thing I could do to give me a chance of sleep, which was to snitch to his mother that he's had mates round constantly and it's impossible for us to sleep.
He quickly found out and has proceeded to call me every name under the sun for ratting him out and seems to think I am an asshole for blowing the whistle. I'm not entirely sure what else he expected to happen, I imagine he was shocked that someone actually called him out for once. This is all relatively fresh and his mother hasn't even seen the message yet, but I imagine there's a good chance he's going to lose a lot of the money he gets for his stuff.
So AITA Reddit? I'm predicting ESH, but to be honest if I could go back in time I would do it again.
Note: I would have no issue with him having mates round if they were actually quiet. But they're very loud and stomp up and down the stairs regularly. He's had plenty of messages begging for peace and quiet and hasn't responded to any of them so I saw this is my only option. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
OWDhbzr2A6F8Xt873dM1DtRtaXlLzJhe | b95bx0 | {
"description": "booking a flight without agreeing on said date with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I book a flight without agreeing on said date with my friends. | So about a month ago I asked on of my friends, let’s call her M, if she wanted to come with me on a trip to a different state (like a 2 and a bit hour flight), and we thought of asking another friend of ours, let’s call her C, if she wanted to come with us because she has gone before and she could give us a tour or something like that. I put out the idea of going in August, it’s still winter time for us and it’s a fair bit away so we have time to save and all that, and we all agreed on that without much discussion.
About a week or two after initially talking about M thought of going for her birthday instead which is in late June, but only discussed it with C and not me. We have decided on what days we are gonna go but after that we haven’t organised anything. I have tried a couple times to organise accommodation but they just leave me on read or just not read it at all.
So my question is would I be the asshole if I book flights when I want to go, which would be mid July, without asking them and then just telling them if they want to come they can? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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caz00cQWUwYWaXOmsFqdgpwMw5xrzRFv | b0ndfv | {
"description": "asking my boyfriend not to surprise me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my boyfriend not to surprise me? | So this literally just happened/is happening. For context, we're both males if that makes any difference.
My boyfriend is the type of guy who likes to do surprises. Now I've no issue with being bought a surprise gift or having a surprise dinner made for me or anything like that, but I do have an issue when it comes to a surprise that involves a trip away/night away/holiday/weekend break or anything of that sort.
Backstory as to why this is an issue. A few years ago I was diagnosed officially with epilepsy,
Around a year after this had happened, after struggling through severe daily anxiety, not sleeping, eating properly waking up every morning and being physically sick because I had to leave the house I was signed off work. I was then diagnosed with severe GAD, PTSD (From the seizures) and agoraphobia. I didn't want to be left alone and I didn't want to leave the house, I was signed off for a year, put on meds, had therapy and eventually got hypnotherapy which got me back to work in December 2017. 2018 was pretty good, I've improved so much, got back to work, got a promotion, I still had anxiety, still don't really like being out but most days its bearable and I've learned how to cope. One thing I don't cope very well with is new places, my own town/city I'm cool with because I know where I am and it's just that comfort.
I've told this to my boyfriend multiple times, please let me know if he wants to "surprise" me with a trip away or something because chances are I'll need to prepare myself.
So I get a call just now asking if I'm okay to do something monday night, I'm like, what? He says he's not telling me and I'm like well if you don't tell me what I'm not going to agree to it. And he just huffs off the phone saying "it doesn't matter".
​
I text him and ask him to please tell me what he wanted to do, he tells me and said he booked a nice hotel away for the night on Monday, and although this is super sweet of him to do he KNOWS that it's an issue to me and I really cannot afford to relapse. I text him back reminding what I've said before and I appreciate the sentiment. He just says "It's not that far away, I'm going to lose the deposit now but doesn't matter".
​
I feel like shit now but why should I have to feel like shit when I've asked so many times?! Just because outwardly I may appear to be doing OK, he knows what's going on inside and knows I still wouldn't be comfortable with it.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
cNF4nroLjtLQpFn4F9N9PjRMgF5Lgx2i | aa537i | {
"description": "telling my nephew if he hurts my daughter he'll be arrested",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for telling my nephew if he hurts my daughter he’ll be arrested? | He (five) was running around and JUMPING OVER my daughter and almost hurt her. So his sister (nine) and I told him to stop and he kept saying he didn’t get close to her (which is a lie) and I said if he hurts her doing that Pa (my dad) will tell his stepdad who’s a cop and he would arrest him for hurting the baby. My whole thing is that his foot almost kicked her head back and with how fragile her neck is right now....and I get I shouldn’t have gone that far but he would have hurt her cuz of how fast he was going
He told my stepmom (his grandma) and she came out pissed at me and my niece. And she didn’t ask for specifics just asked what we said. It took my niece going in and telling her grandma just how close he was to knocking my daughters head back for her to realize we were just trying to get him to realize how bad he could have hurt her. He was literally maybe an inch and a half away from her chin and she was laying down.
I understand he’s young but he kept saying he wasn’t close to hurting my daughter. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
PLoILpD3byeobrtB5dCw070Bf5daP9Sp | ahj1ik | null | AITAH for say that if I was ever mostly paralyzed that to kill me. | Earlier today I was talking with my friend and we got on if one of us were to get fully paralyzed or high symptoms of memory loss / inability to function.
When we got on this I mentioned how if that was to ever happen to me I would make sure that in my will I would have a clause to say if anything like that happened and I couldn’t get better anyone who wanted to could sell all my stuff and kill me in the most badass way possible. For example thrown out of a plane over a volcano or some epic way to go like that.
After I said that someone who was near us started saying I was being an asshole and I should be more sensitive about disabilities.
TL;DR: some got mad at me and called me an asshole for saying if I went full vegetable to kill me in a way my gravestone would remember | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
sXn3Vtea9Eb3wUjmsUmS5VQ6L7WXMpta | b674o3 | {
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my mother's husband because we have nothing in common",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to spend time with my mother's husband because we have nothing in common? | My mother remarried when I was 18 after being a single mother for years. I'm 32 now.
Recently my mother decided that my choice of spouse and my spouse's religion did not align with her expectations, so she cut me out of her life last winter.
Fwiw, she's sent a few texts saying she loves me, but also refuses to apologize for her actions. She also thinks I'm being disrespectful for standing up for my partner's freedom to believe what she will.
The only reason I ever talked to her husband is that I'd go visit every few months. When I was younger he asked me to go hunting with him, but I didn't really enjoy it.
His mother passed away a few years ago and he asked me to attend the funeral. I did - I even filled in as a pallbearer because one dude had a back injury. I felt super uncomfortable doing that because I had never met his mother. And now I'm a pallbearer at her funeral. Apparently he insisted to his brothers that I do it because he saw me as “her grandson.” I didn't want to make a fuss at this poor woman's funeral, so I went along with it.
Now that my mother disowned me, I haven't visited or contacted him. He texted asking if he had done something wrong to make me push him away, and I basically told him what I'm writing here now. He's an okay dude, but we don't really have anything in common. And with my mother freezing me out, I don't feel like navigating the complicated politics of him, her, and me. Even if we keep our contacts brief and relatively discreet. Ain't got time for that lol.
I felt bad about it, but I've been reflecting on just how much I've bent backwards to accommodate his “son I never had” fantasy. I've no interest in a surrogate father figure, and I've no interest in helping him live out his fatherhood fantasies. He has a daughter - age 36 - that he never really spent time with either and never fully acknowledged.
Plus, he once tried to extort my mother out of $100,000. He asked for a divorce and said $100,000 would get him to go away quietly. This was years ago an apparently they figured it out. But still, once bitten twice why, right?
So. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
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a3VeB8Kt3YeQJpBDTBYDLdxNHt1s5bQP | ambkm1 | {
"description": "telling my bf to lay off the porn",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my bf to lay off the porn? | Mobile so pls excuse my formatting.
I strongly believe my boyfriend is addicted to porn. He has thousands of pictures of hentai in his gallery and always has at least 20 pornhub, brazzers, or other porn tabs open on his phone for him to come back to. Sometimes he saves porn he finds aesthetically pleasing or well drawn, with no intention to get off to it.
While this is all fine, maybe a little out of the ordinary, it puts me over the line when he uses porn during sex with me. At first he claimed it was just derogatory to me, which he finds hot and I did too until we tried having sex without it and he was unable to climax. About 70% of the time we have any form of intercourse (blowjob, handjob, or even actual sex) he uses porn to get off.
I'm an extremely anxious overthinker and I've started to believe it's just because I'm doing something wrong or I'm not physically attractive enough for him to be able to have sex with me and get off. It's getting to the point where I catch myself thinking that it's normal and every couple experiences this, but I have never experienced it in any of my past relationships. While I respect his right to use porn to masturbate to when I'm not around it has started making me feel really insecure so I just confronted him about it over text. I told him how insecure it was making me and if he could just try to lay off the porn a little. He mostly shrugged it off and didn't seem very concerned about it. I got more serious and told him he needed to be more mature about this discussion and at that point he just stopped responding.
He has continued to download more porn and has made no visible effort to change his behavior since our one-sided conversation, even though it has caused me to break down into tears several times. He says I'm just being silly and overreacting and it's not that big of a deal.
Am I missing something? Am I approaching this the wrong way? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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} | RIGHT |
uDh5LvPdso4BlyYyevpdtn3JN6T85nkm | a7hrik | {
"description": "wanting to Break-up with my consistently Sad [depressed?] GF",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA For Wanting to Break-Up With My Consistently Sad [Depressed?] GF? | TLDR at the bottom.
​
I've been dating this girl for three years. In the beginning it was cute she had a lot of problems and I was her "savior." I admit I may have made her more reliant on me than was necessary. She hated the school she was going to and complained that her life sucked and "nothing ever works out for her." Me being an eternal optimist decided to take up the challenge and see what I could do.
​
Well, things were good for a while but with each problem that was solved, a new one appeared to surface. Her childhood didn't help either since apparently she was bullied and her dad cheated on her mom. However, other than that she had a financially stable and secure household with her parents providing her whatever she needed - perhaps she was even a bit spoiled.
​
I saw a couple warning signs in the beginning which can be summed up to an entitled attitude e.g. if we went on vacation the hotel that I booked was maybe not fancy enough, I attributed these feelings to her well-off upbringing and hoped with time, reality and expectations would converge.
​
After college, she couldn't get a job at desired location and was pretty sad about that for a while. She did get in the following year with that hiring cycle. After starting to work, she complained that she is naturally slow (which I admit) and her superiors want her to work faster so hence she would be reprimanded. So from now, not having a job in her desired location she goes from having that not to not liking it since she's yelled at for not being efficient enough.
​
Throughout all this, she says she doesn't like her career field and would like to switch, when asked what she wants to do instead she's pretty lost and unsure. Currently, she's working in an Asian country were work is demanding and believes going to the US would make her life easier. As a caveat, I'm American and agree her work environment sucks and would be better in the US (less yelling/demanding) but am afraid after this is solved, some other problem will come up.
​
Three years isn't a short time, the intent was to marry but I feel her consistent depressive attitude may make me very unhappy in the future.
​
TLDR: Eternal optimist dating serial pessimist, AITA for wanting to break-up after three years for failing to "make her happy." | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
OU28knDszgfPiuklk6PAtjdFJG8LWIvS | aeod2l | {
"description": "requesting my undergraduate office to keep me a make up exam for a failed course",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for requesting my Undergraduate office to keep me a make up exam for a failed course? | I am in my 5th year. I got a good enough job when I completed 4th year in an investemnt bank, a completely unrelated field. I got that job because I pursued for it independently outside the famous selections. But later I found out that I still did not complete necessary credits to obtain the degree. So I informed my Job, resigned from it and came back to uni, saying that I will return after end of the semester once my degree certificate comes. Now Again I failed a single course. I have just have 1 credit to complete my degree, my prof is very understanding and agreed to keep a make up exam, provided he gets a nod from Under graduate office, for which I did not get. Due to this single credit, I am losing another 6 months. So I am requesting my Dean to arrange a make up exam for me so I can leave for good and rejoin in my job. Am I asking for too much? Because I am going into severe depression and degraded every moment I am in campus. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YyYa14cC7EfyJnA1x7MUCgtYELscd3KR | avltya | {
"description": "choosing to not speak to one of my best friends/ roommates for ongoing behavior",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for choosing to not speak to one of my best friends/ roommates for ongoing behavior? | So my friend and I have been super close for like five years now, but living together for only a year. In that one year though I've grown to not like his behavior.
We run with a very tight knit group that all know who the type of person he is, and when you don't see him as much, is a great guy. But he's had a history of changing how he acts based on friends we have hanging around us. When he's around those people he begins to insult me and my other roommate, who's also a close friend of ours.
We've told him before how we don't appreciate him insulting us, especially when he doesn't do that to his other friends. His response was just that he didn't mean it to be rude, he just thought since we were close he could. Even though we don't "joke" back.
But there was a part where he crossed a line for me.
I work with kids, so naturally he thinks it's funny to call me a pedophile. Not only to other friends, one who also works with me, but his online friends (he games) that I've never met. I tell him to not do that, and he persists.
I'm also very close to someone with a kid. And one night I was playing with the child, in front of the friend. The child wanted to play foot doctor and asked me to take off my shoe and sock. I thought I was cute so I recorded the interaction and put it on a social media story.
He then puts me in a group chat with a friend of ours, and then goes on ask me why I have videos of little girls playing with my feet. And saying that he thought it was creepy. He knows that girl and my relation to the mother and that's where I drew the line.
I told him to go fuck himself and have yet to talk to him again. I've let other people know that I'm currently not on good terms with him and they have essentially said "that's just how he jokes" and made me out to be the bad guy for being stuck up and sensitive about it.
I don't think it's personally funny, especially when it's the child of a very good friend of mine.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HEUWLzvInuYIYeZUXo96Niy2ZHf8GWK6 | ax0pyu | {
"description": "telling my opinion and getting 6 girls (some of the most popular, most likely will tell others) to hate me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for telling my opinion and getting 6 girls (Some of the most popular, most likely will tell others) to hate me? | None of the names in this post are real.
So here is how it goes. It starts off by Brenna messaging me on instagram saying “Hey” and I say Hi back. We talk normally and then I ask if I can rant. She says sure and I rant about another situation and I say I am done. I then tell her to rant about something. She then says she hates when people mix her and Danielle together. I then say Danielle is so annoying, and she gets on my nerves.
But here’s when it starts to go down hill.
She then asks what my thoughts on Hearty are, and I reply that she does a lot of stuff for attention (tells people to sit on her lap, jokes about being fat etc.). After I tell her, she promises to not tell her. She then ask me my opinion on X (My ex). I said she sometimes does stuff for attention and can’t always control her emotions (she acts different in front of others, we seemed to kind of like eachother again but then called me a thing in front of others etc.). She then asks why do you hate my friends. I reply with that I don’t hate them but you asked for my opinion. She then asks why am I talking shit. I reply with you asked for my opinion on them. She then facetimes me and what a surprise, they are all at a sleepover. I immediately hang up as I don’t want to get into more drama.
She (Brenna) then messages me hahahahha and says everyone hates me. I then call her a snake, a liar, and a bad friend (or something similar). She then says it was a joke, but by then I was on the verge of crying. I say that she is an asshole and shouldn’t have done that. She then says I am playing the victim, and that I got payback. She then says it’s hard to pity me, but later says she apoligized even though she didn’t. She then gets her friends to say that’s uncool of me, and to stop playing the victim. They then say “sorry” but then say they aren’t sorry and that I should’ve lied. I explain that it was Danielle’s question and I answered truthfully. I explain more on how messed up what they all did was They all block me and I go to bed.
So my question is, AITA in the end of this?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
FYhpIqu18s56AyjNw4EmoDJ1Jvu9NwS8 | af83uh | {
"description": "falling out with my partner because they made me cancel my plans",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for falling out with my partner because they made me cancel my plans? | Today I was supposed to meet friends for a meal and a few drinks. They don't come through to my area often as they live quite far away.
My partner requested that we cancel our plans as she wanted to take it easy and take a break from alcohol as she over indulged during the festive period.
I agreed and cancelled my plans but last night my partner decided to stay out with workmates and have a drink and arrived home quite late.
I have fallen out with my partner as I feel like she made me cancel our plans to go out but then went out with other people instead.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
UCh3Ksm2eik6rq71aIMF2vzXceGwpcrI | a87fjs | {
"description": "not helping my ex through our breakup",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my ex through our breakup? | Okay so there is a lot of backstory and nuance to this, but I'll try to explain it as easy as possible. A few details are changed or excluded for anonymity purposes.
I dated a guy for about a year and a half and throughout the relationship, he became more and more emotionally abusive. It had a really negative toll on my emotional state so I broke it off about around the beginning of 2018. I spent the 2018 summer getting over the whole ordeal and trying to regain my self confidence and stop doubting everything.
Now, of course the relationship wasn't all bad and I wasnt some kind of perfect angel that was just a niave victim of it all. We both made mistakes as people do in life. The problem was, this guy didn't see his mistakes as mistakes - rather a process of "fixing" me. There's a lot there.
I dropped all contact from him and tried to get as much distance as possible to get over the break up and move on. Because of this, I also became a bit of a recluse for awhile, since we ran in the same circles. Recently though, I've been rekindling some of those friendships (mind you, it's been awhile since the break up), which requires that my ex sometimes needs to be around me when we both happen to be invited to things.
I thought that it was okay enough between us that we could have short conversations and occupy the same space at the very least. I definitely was not/am not looking to be his friend. Not after all the shit he pulled. But he messaged me recently about wanting to be friends and settling the rift between us. Call me cynical, but that is not going to happen. For my own mental health, I will not allow that.
Here's where I think I might be the asshole. See, I've moved on. He hasn't delt with the emotional repercussions of the break up. Its effecting me trying to regain my friendships because he cannot resist vilifying almost everything I do and talking a lot of trash on me. I told him he needs to deal with that and he said that I should help. I told him no, but I wished him luck, albeit passive ageessively.
Am I the asshole for not holding a grown man's hand through the process of healing? Am I an asshole for seeing it like that? I know I'm not obligated to help him through that, but am I the asshole for not wanting to or even caring?
Tl;dr: Ex has not personally delt with the emotional repercussions of a break up and its effecting friendships we share with others. He wants "help" to fix his baggage, but I dont think I should baby him. It's been months since we broke up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZFnCd1hIksI30ZOidhWp4b9XVsqh7PCK | b0i7i3 | {
"description": "not paying for somebodies meal",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not paying for somebodies meal? | So I work at a subway and I made this guys sandwich. It was not busy at the time and only one person was in line. When we got to the till he tried to use apple pay but it was not working and he had no other form of payment. He looked really sad and embarrassed. I totally get it, I would feel the same way too. I turned around and looked at my tip pile that had around $10 in it and contemplated just spending the 7 bucks. But I didnt and just stood there awkwardly waiting for the customer to say something. He was not mean or anything, he was actually quite nice. Then a customer who was sitting down got up and offered to buy his food and she did. It all went through and he was grateful and walked off. I'm just curious to know if I'm an asshole for not just being a little generous and giving up the 7 dollars. I could have even done an employee discount and gotten it to be $3.50 at a small risk of getting in trouble. I kinda felt bad afterwards and I am not sure if I should be. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Szz4ybPE8rBwjIkXMG16FkxdHWGPAUnB | aht683 | {
"description": "telling a girl to shut up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a girl to shut up? | Excuse my grammar faults, english is my second language. Also, I'm on mobile.
It happened this week, I was in Québec history class and the teacher changed some people's place. I was one of those person and I know sit besides this girl I hate and two of my friends are close, there's one in front of the girl and the other one behind her. For the record, she's smaller than me.
She told me to not talk to my friends or I would get in trouble. Nothing happened until 40-50 minutes. Then she started talking with her friend. I was angry because I don't like hypocrisy. I told her politely (still angry) to shut up and the reason why she should shut up loud enough for half of my class to hear without yelling.
*R/THATHAPPENED MOMENT AHEAD* Some of my friends and 2 other person congratulated me *R/THATHAPPENED MOMENT DONE*.
10 minutes later she starts speaking with her friend again. This time I tell her less politely to shut up, less people hear this time. Am I the asshole?
tl;dr: I told this smaller girl to shut up because of her hypocrisy. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9H9Y6gqcYXHKiGBJtmf5iqbBPhrl7srm | ajsgkg | {
"description": "using the same gym machine as another guy",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for using the same gym machine as another guy? | I'm kinda angry, and I do feel like I am in the right side of the story, but I'd like to hear other perceptions and write what happened down so I can stress down a bit.
​
I go to a very small gym and always make sure to go in early hours so that it's not full. Today I arrived and there was just one guy in a bench, and so I took one of the remaining four there were around.
​
I was just finishing the first series when another person joined the gym. Let's call him Jim.
​
As I had finished, I stood up to move my stuff to another place that I would need to do my series, which he was using.
​
I approached to the point where he inevitably saw me and asked "Hey man, could you intercalate?" to which he agreed, but took the first turn of the machine. As he was doing it, he said to me "Out of all the exercises, is this the one you HAVE to do?". I thought he was being friendly, and so I kinda answered thinking it was just that. I said yes, but it won't take long, since I know I'm not the only one using it.
Jim exhaled loudly and rolled his eyes telling me that I would mess his circuit if I used the machine, and that he always arrives at this time of the day so that the gym is empty. I was a bit confused, but just repeated that I won't take long in there. It was weird mainly since I thought he was just being friendly, as I said. And to suddenly receive that comment was a shocker.
In my turn, as I was half-way there and he was doing another exercise, he drops the weights he was using and just tells me "See? It's all messed up now, thanks." while pointing at me with his palm as if I had just said something he didn't understand to later walk off with his hands on his waist, shaking his head.
At this point, I didn't answer. As I finished I just moved to a different machine and decided to shift my routine a bit so that I could let him work. I was pissed, but I didn't want to get a trouble with Jim.
Now I was in the last series just finishing, and Jim approaches me to tell that he was finished and that I could use it now. After around 20 minutes. I just replied with a nod and a thumbs up since, well, the gesture was done. I had to re-do all my routine just so that he doesn't tantrum.
Now guys, we're both customers paying for the same service, we both arrive at the same hour to have the gym empty, we both were in chest day. Doesn't it makes sense to share the machines we are using? Isn't that what most gyms encourage? Like, yeah I get it; I would mess up with his routine, BUT he would mess with mine too, which is what happened. Wouldn't it have been better to just take turns on there, even if it means taking longer pauses?
I really cannot agree with him in just keeping a machine for himself, while there might be someone else that needs it. I don't know why he felt entitled to it, even if, with his logic, HE arrived after me.
I didn't want to add this part since it doesn't contribute anything, but he is one of those guys that goes to the gym almost naked. Shorts with 5/6 thigh uncovered, and small sport that shows his nipples from time to time. Small mohawk haircut; this is why I was a bit intimidated to reply back, and so decided to not push it further.
Am I the asshole, guys? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
POgZXBZ8LG2kdROtk0TnhfWNN7pn6IBw | avlfeh | {
"description": "not wanting to offer my car for a club retreat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to offer my car for a club retreat? | Basically, I am at a rather large university and there's this club retreat that I go on every semester. The retreat tends be be at locations 2+ hrs away.
​
I have driven and offered my car for the last two retreats, but got into a small accident into the last one, leading me into some car insurance troubles as it was my mom's car that I got into the accident with.
​
Now, I was asked to drive again for our retreat in 2 weeks and I don't want to because it's exhausting and also because of the last accident. Am I being as asshole or reasonable?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
j9OEenzODhihvyU9EJcQWPLmJyI8ZX5O | asl4wf | {
"description": "not telling my uncle to quit smoking",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my uncle to quit smoking? | I was at a funeral the other day and afterwards my uncle who said he would quit smoking a few years ago was smoking. I was sitting in the car with my father and he told me to text him and say “Stop smoking!!!”. I declined and told my father that he wouldn’t just stop because of me texting him. My father kept pestering me to text him and it put him in a bad mood and blamed me for him smoking. So AITA? (Throwaway by the way.) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lSFxXJKURmbpW3yrIErdmpl5ydc8OLHO | aqs0mu | {
"description": "not wanting to go pray for my dead cousin",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA for not wanting to go pray for my dead cousin? | Throwaway. Mobile, sorry for formatting.
Around a year ago, a cousin of mine went missing. I have a huge family so when my mom and dad found out and told me and my siblings, I didn’t even know who they were talking about. Even when I saw pictures of him, he just did not look familiar at all. It’s the case with a lot of cousins of mine, I barely know a good chunk of my family.
So my family searched for him, filed a missing report, etc. They found him, dead.
We still don’t know the details of his death and might never know. My mom was absolutely distraught and heartbroken. She compared it as if my niece, who I lived with for 2 years and see her frequently, had gone missing and was found dead. I sympathized with her. But I felt...nothing. I felt bad somebody died, obviously. But I didn’t grieve as if he was a family member. Honestly? He was a total stranger. A big part of that might be because he mostly spoke spanish and I can barely greet people in spanish, which is the case for most of my family.
So yeah. we had his funeral last year around this time. And my aunt, The mother of my late cousin, is having a thing where family comes over and prays for him and just seeing each other again. I remember last year visiting them so often and a bunch of family came because it was the first death in the family in awhile.
It’s happening this Saturday. And I’m dreading it. I really don’t want to go. I’m not that religious in my family and I can’t admit that to my family yet. Plus, my aunt lives so far away. I think it’s a 2-4 hour drive but i can’t remember. All I remember is that it takes at least 2 hours. We have to leave at 4pm, and we’re gonna be there the whole evening. I really don’t want to spend my time praying and staying on the couch not talking to family because I literally cannot understand them. I would honestly rather stay home.
Would I be the asshole if I told my family I don’t want to go? And, am I the asshole for not grieving my late cousin’s death? The last one is just something I want to know, since it’s been bugging me for awhile.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
UCJYcR8ZeRbWCVSaKPnS8WsyCSpHeeTe | amgr4s | {
"description": "trying to get what's mine in the will",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for trying to get what's mine in the will? | Am I the asshole
So to give some context my parents before meeting and having me had kids. My mom had two daughters and my dad had three sons then they got divorced met each other and had me.
My father passed away when I was nine he fought with an illness for a long time. My mother was physically disabled, she was in a wheelchair so growing up I was her caregiver, she was abusive and we lived on disability. Growing up my siblings have always lived on the other side of the country along with the rest of my distant family so I feel disconnected from them, there is roughly an 20year age gap between me and them.
In grade nine our house was destroyed by a storm and lack of upkeep so it was deemed unlivable. We were homeless for a while until an organization simmilar habitat for humanity offered to build us a house. Their main goal was that I would have a place to live, which is why so many people donated. During the build my mom got sicker, we lived in the house for two months before she passed away. None of them came to the funeral or to visit when she was dying one only came afterwards to go through stuff and take what they wanted. In the will my siblings got a little bit of money(not that much since we were broke) and the house was suppose to go to me since it was built for me and my mom. Since I was not done high school I didn't want to live by myself so I rented out the place to someone with a disability since it was designed for wheelchairs. And I used the funds to help pay for my education, even though it took a long time I am now a proud RN. The person who was suppose to take care of the will died so the house never got put into my name.
It's now been five years during that time my siblings never said anything about it. I'm done school and I feel ready for the responsibility of the house. So in December I told them that I was working towards getting the house transferred into my name as it should have been done, and they are furious at me saying that it should be divided amongst all of us. One of my brothers is even calling me an awful person, saying that I'm being manipulative and "how could I betray them like this". Apparently my mom lied and said that the house would be divided equally amongst the siblings but then wrote that only I would get it in the will, which doesn't surprise me as she was a horrible person. I'm the type of person who hates confrontation and this situation is stressing me out. Even though I dont really know them I dont want them to hate me.
Am I the asshole for trying to get what's written as mine in the will?
Tldr; my mom died 5 years ago and my siblings are all 20ish years older than me got little in the will and are mad that I'm trying to claim the house that is written to go to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CxdQdlH3sNNEEGSajWDNF4d0UoREs2cy | a18ufh | {
"description": "flipping out on my dad and brother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for flipping out on my dad and brother? | So a little history, My brother and I were both born in the same year, him in January and I in December. We grew up doing the whole best buds thing, but during middle school we started to fight and argue more and more. After high school tho, i don't think of him as a brother, he was more worried about himself and how he appeared to his friends to really care how he was with me. He would sooner throw me under the bus to save his own skin then to try and help me out.
My dad on the other hand, has tried his heart out to try and bring us all together again. We never really saw eye to eye on how things were in the house. He argues that he treats all his kids the same, but growing up and only seeing my dad 2 times a week, and how all my brothers get new and improved things while i got nothing but second stuff from my eldest brother, I beg to differ. We were by no means rich, i knew that and understood that. I hardly asked for anything new because i always knew it would be a no. I knew tho my dad would do anything for us and try to make us happy the best he can. He also used to spank and discipline us, but now doesnt even try to discipline my youngest brother.
A few weeks ago, after leaving the local electrician union and going back to my local community college, my old ford focus, needed to be either repaired or replaced. Now i only work at Walmart and my brother and dad both work in a local carpenter union, I make like 650+ a paycheck while they make what i make in one week and get paid more frequently. Now not wanting to drop a large amount of money on a car that has 250000+ miles, i went with a replacement car. During all of this I bring the idea to my dad, he came up with an idea that helps us both, we go 50/50 on it. Not wanting to go into crippling debt I go with it. We go to the dealership, I realize how real this was getting, credit check, pay stub check and all that stuff (never dealt with a dealership before). We find a car that is decent but a little pricey, i didn't want to go that high but it was my dad putting the money down but i was using my credit and trading in my old car, it wasn't even but it wasn't one sided. After all the paper work is signed ( I signed everything, he wasn't a co signer) I get to drive my "new" used car home. It was a breathe of fresh air, power steering worked, heating worked, it was amazing.
Today, now I made it clear to my dad that i didn't want anyone driving our car, if it wasn't one of us doing the driving. He agrees and seems to understand the points i was making. I wake up, to a phone call from my brother explaining that the car was with him and that he was just dropping off our little brother, and explains that he needs the car today to do laundry and says he'll do mine, I groan and say sure, since that would make today a lot easier. After hanging up i realize my clothes are still in my room, i check his room and his clothes are still there too. Now i waited a good chuck of time before i asked for my car back, no response. I get upset and text him saying, i don't want him to use my car without asking and how he didn't put anything down to help with the car. Now i know my brother like the back of my hand, if its not one thing its something that makes it impossible to do the simple task he was given. Now after i send that, he responds like grease lightening, "chill". Ummmmmmm you take my car without asking, you've lied about where you were going before, you've smoked in my car before (made it 100% clear that smoking in my car isn't going to happen). I go off and tell him that hes full of shit if he thinks i'm going to roll over with my car like i did with my things when we were growing up, he explains that dad let him use it and how i'm a heartless fuck head for not letting him use it. After that i left him on read and I text my dad saying how amazing he is for letting other people use our car without even saying anything to me (hes let my other siblings, who are all not on the insurance, use it) and how when he wants help with something, to go to my brother since he wants to bend over backwards to make him happy.
I feel like shit for all of this but i hate when they step all over me to do what ever they want. Am I the asshole for telling my brother and dad off? or Am i just blowing this up for no reason?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
afyAgMoxeb1lnIvKrD1oL3bU3WtcOCmP | agn4l4 | {
"description": "not driving my brother around",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not Driving My Brother Around? | I apologize as this may be a long one.
So this past year I (24M) moved in with my brother (26M) and things have been slightly rocky. For context his previous roommate bailed on him after his 1 year lease was up, and he had no one to live with him. I was living in some tough conditions and figured that with my new job I could afford to live someplace better, and we agreed to move in together.
Me and him get along great normally, we both love the same shows, movies, games and we grew up together so we are fairly used to living with one another. The only problem is that he doesn't have a car or his license and relies on the bus or his own two feet to get him around.
Feeling generous I gave him a ride into work a few times, and a ride to school here and there if he was late, but his requests started getting more and more frequent.. We would often get groceries together as the car is easier to transport food in, or he would ask me to drive him across town to get his medication, if hes going out drinking to be picked up, and the list goes on.
Here is where it started to annoy me. He refuses to get a license cause he doesn't want to "drag people around town" and that hes "scared of driving". Also whenever I ask for gas money he says I'm crazy and that if were going to the same place it doesn't take up any extra gas so he doesn't owe me anything, or a myriad of other excuses. The main part that annoys me is when I say no to driving him he gets mad and demands a reason why I can't stop watching a movie/show/game to get him someplace. Sometimes I'm just not feeling like it, and that drives him mad because clearly I'm not busy so I'm doing it out of spite.
He also doesn't do any groceries or laundry unless I do them anymore, just so he doesn't have to walk or bus. This leads to him getting mad if I don't need groceries or have clean clothes, as now hes stranded and I'm screwing him over. I always ask him how he did anything before we moved in together and he plays victim and says that his life was hell, and how his feet hurt from walking, and how I'm being stupid.
We have started getting into actual fights over it and now it's driving me insane. I honestly don't mind doing favours for people, but when suddenly it becomes my responsibility to do all those favours I'm done.
Maybe I should have been more firm from the start, or maybe I'm overreacting over nothing.. Honestly I don't know, but AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
kit0KOKiRBGYTysTKqkDNPSHBlvmZHxG | andj7p | {
"description": "not letting my girlfriend join my discord chat",
"pronormative_score": 166,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not letting my girlfriend join my discord chat? | My friends and I have had a small discord chat for almost 2 years now. For the past 2 months my girlfriend has been asking me to let her join because she said that she's interested in what goes on in our chat. I told her no and she got annoyed and somewhat mad that I'm not being open with her and that I don't want to include her in the chat.
Honestly our discord chat is just some dudes who like to game and shoot the shit. I really don't see where she would fit in since they aren't her friends, she is not into video games and she wouldn't understand our kind of humor/banter. I really don't want her to be seeing everything my friends and I discuss with each other, mainly because we are very sarcastic and not 100% serious about most of the things we say/discuss about. For sure it would cause anyone who's an outsider some confusion on what's going on and but most importantly I think if she joined it would ruin and outright kill our discord chat.
I tried telling her what she's asking me for is like me asking her to let me join her groupchat/ read her text messages to her friends but she said it's not the same because texting is more personal, discord chats are public and anyone can access them even though I told her my discord chat is private. Now she feels like I'm hiding something and that I am talking shit or revealing personal information about her to my friends even though I have not. There's no way for me to prove I'm innocent to her unless I let her join and she reads all of our chatlogs & future exchanges.
This really feels like an invasion of my privacy but she went on about how couples need to listen to each other's concerns and if something you're doing is causing a problem you need to do something to fix it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 127,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 39,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 166,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
tLko1zufxkVFg6jBDMuTq9sW7YMQd90S | af55nh | {
"description": "playing along with a suggestive joke",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for playing along with a suggestive joke? | My best friend text me on Christmas Eve to see what I was up to. I was out of town at my uncles pretty nice house with a lot of my family, so I took a quick video to send him. It happened to have my cousin in it and my friend cracked a joke about her. For a little context, my friend is married. It was kind of an awkward joke and I think tone is important so here’s a screenshot of the whole exchange:
https://imgur.com/a/YpBZOxK
His wife saw our texts and she was real pissed. I never thought she would see it, but she angrily text me before I even saw the warning from my friend. There’s no way anything would ever happen between him and my cousin and I would definitely not encourage it for real. I felt like it was some fairly normal banter between friends and I was just brushing off his joke. She thinks I’m an awful home wrecker.
So, AITA for what I said?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
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