id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
lxc1qG5HyILqaSwwxF6w3ws6sJOzXD3W | a68e3g | {
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to help me prepare for a Christmas party rather than sleepover at his buddy's",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my boyfriend to help me prepare for a Christmas party rather than sleepover at his buddy’s? | My (22) boyfriend and I (22) have a games night with our friends on the weekends every once in a while, and I planned a Christmas dinner/games night with them all for this Sunday. It’ll be at his dads place, which is new and fairly roomy. His dad is never there, so we take care of the house (2 story, basement, 3 bathroom, 4 bedroom) just us two.
I planned to cook an entire meal for everyone (11 people including us) , being a couple of beef roasts, mashed potatoes, veggies, desserts..etc. We’ve yet to get groceries/decorations because we’ve both had a busy work week. I talked with him loosely about going out tonight to get groceries after he’s done helping a buddy with some body work on his car. Early today we talked about seeing eachother tonight still.
He was seeing a different buddy (a long time friend, one who will be at the party on Sunday) tomorrow just to hangout for half the day, but not long ago today he asked if it was alright if he could sleepover at his place tonight. It stressed me out (I have a serious anxiety disorder) because I was expecting one thing and he kind of surprised me by changing the plans around that I had set in my head. I told him we had a lot to do still to prepare for Sunday, and he said okay and that he had canceled the plans, but I knew I upset him by the way the tone of his messages changed.
I got even more stressed and upset because I knew I upset him and I felt like an asshole for seemingly “making” him do this all with me.
He was supposed to hangout with his friend for a bit tomorrow(Saturday), while I would bake cookies and start preparing. So, it’s hard for me to understand why I am such a bad guy here. I get that he sees this friend often during our game nights, but not just the two of them alone, so he was looking forward to that.. but why couldn’t he just see him tomorrow? Maybe when I was upset, it upset him, like the way I felt?.. I don’t know. He shuts down when we fight, and needs space while I just want to resolve things and feel better ASAP. We are trying to work on our communication, because it’s not the best.
I’m very stressed about doing all the preparing for myself now. I don’t have a car to get around places. We ended up having a fight, and I feel horrible about it all.
Maybe I can’t see what I’m doing wrong. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tgxCAKP3MkCqMEqH6BsOqKXFvuvzyA3k | acmef4 | {
"description": "being fed up with a grieving friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being fed up with a grieving friend | Ok let me preface this story with saying how this particular friend group I am going to talk about are really close. While we don't 100% get along all the time, but at the end of the day we treat each other like family.
​
Some context: 2018 was a pretty somber year for me. During the summer my girlfriend's mom passed away from sickness and I've been trying to support her any way I can through the mourning process. In the fall season, one of our good friend's father passed away as well from old age and my friend is in the grieving process now.
​
Before his father passed, some friends and I went to visit a few times at the hospital, and after the funeral my friend flew out to spend Christmas with his brother's family. When he came back, we held a get together of sorts as many of us didnt have the time over the holidays to just chill and catch up. My friend is there at the gathering and initially we ask him how he's coping and how he's doing, but mostly we just get 1 word answers and no follow up and a lot of silence, which is fine and I understand, maybe he hasn't enough time to process everything or he doesn't feel up to sharing right now. So the rest of us gather that he's not ready yet/ this might not be the time and place so we go back to talking about other stuff. Towards the end of the night, some of us ask him if theres anything he wants to say, to which he says no and kind of excuses himself from the evening early. Keep in mind that everything up to this point is completely understandable to us, everyone grieves a bit differently.
​
Now here's where things get a bit frustrating. My friend and my girlfriend has been reaching out to my friend for a while because they're empathetic about each other's situation. After the gathering, I get a message from my girlfriend asking if anything went down that night, because my friend messaged her saying that we were being very surface level and haven't been very supportive of him since his father's passing.
​
Now I'm a bit mad cause some of us have actually been reaching out to him for a while (like inviting him over dinner, etc) but every time he just seems to close up . The only people he does talk to are some of my friends who have experienced some kind of loss, and I'm starting to think he's in a very "you can't understand what I'm going through" mindset, which admittedly no, some of us really can't, but that doesn't mean we don't care. And it makes me a bit angry when he paints that picture to our other friends. I made a small argument with my girlfriend: she says we're not being supportive enough, I think we're doing our best and our friend is going around our backs saying we're shitty friends.
​
I understand that he's going through a lot. To make matters worse, his company is downsizing and his work hours are downright insane, and he's spent the last few years taking care of his dad and now he lives alone at home. I'm really frustrated at the whole shitty situation, and he's normally a really great friend who is like a brother to me, but TBH this attitude is really not helping.
​
TLDR: Friend is grieving, we try to reach out, he thinks we're not and being a bunch of uncaring jerks and tells some of our other friends. So now I'm a little on edge and tbh a bit fed up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
1eEKEpboc2jHHcoA9P0rT5IW3EEZein6 | 9y1via | null | AITA: Vapes on a Plane | This post is time relevant, as the plane leaves at 7:30, so any advice now will help.
So my family is flying to see my ailing grandmother. With me (the oldest) is my Mom and Dad, my younger sister still at home and my 18 year old sister who has moved out. We will call my middle sister MS.
MS has issues with the family, and is fairly unstable. She smokes weed and vapes daily, which is something my family, and especially I, do not like, especially because she tries to vape in their house and in the car with us inside. We are flying southwest, so the plan is for my parents to sit with the youngest and MS and I to try to sit together. However, I learned she will try to “stealth vape”, and that infuriates me. I do not smoke at all, and it makes me very upset she will try to do it on a plane. Now, the family is mad at her at the gate and she says she’ll sit alone.
I will still tell the stewards of the plane she has a vape and plans to use it. I believe it is wrong for her to disregard the health of others for her addictions, even at the cost of our vacation.
If there is the interest, I will update on what happens. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GlZp8L3EbBA9y4XnzoJH3mu486upiHUg | b6ehfw | {
"description": "not wanting my poor and disabled MIL to live with me",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting my poor and disabled MIL to live with me? | My MIL has several chronic illnesses. She is about 70, and it's getting harder for her to get around. I think she is probably "ok" to live on her own for a few more months, but the other shoe is going to drop, and it's going to drop soon. I know she is going to ask to move in with us. I am dreading this, because I can't imagine anything worse. Am I just a selfish asshole?
Back Story: My MIL is single and lives alone because my husband's father was a crazy jerk who abandoned his family. They are legally married, but separated, and he squandered ALL their money. Now she has zero money to her name, except her social security check. As a result, she won't be able to pay for any sort of assisted living or nursing home care when the time comes. She is going to need to apply for a public nursing home, or live with one of her kids. I doubt her kids will want her in a shitty home, so I think option 2 is going to happen.
Whenever she visits us, she comes for the weekend. Although she can absolutely walk (though with some discomfort); when she visits, she sits in a recliner for 12 hours a day and asks for all her food and stuff to be brought to her. Plus she is starting to develop bad body odor. On top of all of this physical stuff, she drives me crazy with her constant talking; she tells the same stories over and over again, talks way too loudly all the time, and does this little "act", where she feigns stupidity about tons of stuff. She is a 70-year-old woman and she acts like a Valley Girl half the time. If she was there all the time, I think I would seriously lose my mind.
I think she thinks she can live with us since we have a spare bedroom/bathroom suite in our finished basement (that we use as a playroom for our kids) and we have the biggest house of all her kids. But, we also have the most children--three kids under the age of four. I am so incredibly busy that I only get 6 hours of sleep each night. On weekends when she visits, it's like adding another child to the mix. Also, I am in no way equipped to help with bathing or toileting, if it comes to that. And I don't think she would want my husband to do it either.
She has three other kids . All of them are married. Two couples have 1 child each, and the third couple are childless. The wives are all nurses, and would be much better equipped to take care of her. However, they all have smaller houses that she wouldn't want to stay in as much.
The thing that makes me think I might be an asshole is that there isn't anything overtly "wrong" with my MIL. I don't hate her (yet, lol), and she isn't a bad person. She isn't even mean, she is just incredibly needy and lacks the self-awareness to know when she is being obnoxious.
tldr: Am I the asshole if I tell my husband I don't want his mom to live with us and then she might have to go to a nursing home? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
QvbKeZcRlPJEWUrcsmMNmJqWgvqhrttM | b0xd7g | {
"description": "lying to my son's girlfriend's parents",
"pronormative_score": 553,
"contranormative_score": 623
} | AITA for lying to my son's girlfriend's parents? | My son has been seeing this lovely girl for about 4 months. They are both 16. Her parents have a litany of issues (super controlling, narcissistic mom and alcoholic dad.) Generally, because she lives much closer to the school, my son goes over there occasionally after school, and I pick him up in the evening. I will also drive him there sometimes on weekends and pick him up when he's ready.
The mom has all sorts of odd rules for my son when he's there, which is fine. It's her house. Most of the rules seem to be based around her daughter's chastity. He is allowed in her room, but not on the bed. Then, weeks later, he is allowed on the bed, but not under the covers .WTF? And she will check on them quite regularly, making sure they are being 'proper'. (not under the covers, the door open etc.) They also want him out before a certain time (which changes depending on ... ? ) Sometimes it's 7:30, sometimes it's 9:30. Whatever.
Regardless, she usually doesn't come to our house, because her parents are so controlling. Well, today she came over for the first time. The night before, her mom called and wanted to talk to me. I am a correctional officer and was working that night, so I wasn't home to take the call. My son offers to let her to talk to my husband, who was home, but she only wanted to talk to me. Later on, her dad calls, and he talks to my husband. I don't have the details of the conversation, but basically, he wanted to make sure that there would be at least one parent home at all times and that we would keep an eye on them at all times. My husband agreed.
Thing is, we don't really care. I was sexually active at a younger age than them. My son and I have had lots of talks about consent and not being sexually pushy with people and respect and birth control, etc. He is a lovely boy, and I believe he would never push her to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. They have been sexually active with each other already. (teens will find a way!) Anyway, not only did I not check on them constantly, I told him that as long as she was willing, I would give them as much privacy as they wanted, providing they were using protection. My husband and I actually had to go out for a couple of hours, and I asked a good friend who lives just down the street if she would 'cover' for me, if this girl's parents called or showed up and pretend to be my cousin. (parents did not have our exact address yet, so we would have had a warning about them showing up.) Good friend laughed and agreed. Turns out it wasn't needed. Dad eventually came and picked her up.
I absolutely stand by my opinion that MY son can have privacy and agency over his own body at this age, but I am kind of wondering if I should have made that choice for someone else's child. I kind of feel guilty, but I think her parents are WAY over the top control freaks.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 558,
"OTHER": 518,
"EVERYBODY": 65,
"NOBODY": 35,
"INFO": 6
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 553,
"WRONG": 623
} | WRONG |
I0DlQogFto2HZ8gnYTDQaG95u2bRu3Lr | b5002w | {
"description": "refusing to give right-of-way on a sidewalk",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for refusing to give right-of-way on a sidewalk? | I’m walking both my dogs on a semi-urban sidewalk when two cyclists approach me from the opposite direction. It’s a couple and they’re towing a child in a wagon trailer. They’re taking up the entire sidewalk and approaching at a fairly rapid pace.
Normally, I would happily yield the right-of-way, but in this case there is a dedicated bike path literally five feet to my left. I’m not talking about bike lanes painted on the existing road. This is a dedicated bike path completely separate from the road. If were talking about a painted bike lane that shares the street with vehicular traffic, I would understand the desire to ride with their child on the sidewalk, but that’s not the case here.
Residents of this city requested tax dollars be spent to construct and maintain this path, yet this couple feels they are entitled to fly down the pedestrian sidewalk and have everyone make way. Never mind that pedestrians always have the legal right-of-way, in my opinion this is just being a selfish dick
Unsurprisingly, the husband barks at me for not making room and I point to the bike lane and tell him to use that if he’s unhappy.
His spouse then tries playing the, ‘We’re a nice family trying to enjoy our day and you’re being a jerk’ card, to which I reply, ‘I may be jerk, but you’re clearly illiterate and point to a sign saying cyclists should use the dedicated lane.’
Dumbass husband then assumes a ‘come at me, bro’ posture and starts walking aggressively towards me. Of course, this immediately causes my dogs to go into ultra-protective mode, especially my German Shepard.
I’m backing up and also holding onto both dogs. Wife starts screaming the top of her lungs what an asshole I am. I reply, ‘And I’m not going to be able to keep these dogs from tearing you open a new asshole if you and your dumbass husband keep approaching me.’
At this point, I do feel quite badly because their little kid is also freaking out, but don’t feel as if it’s my fault ay all. Okay, perhaps I could have responded a bit more diplomatically at first, but that’s it.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
HekAzqQ2NYt6ySgaqDWCScTuI7IpEiX7 | b66lrs | {
"description": "suing someone who might not be able to reimburse me for damages and court fees",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for suing someone who might not be able to reimburse me for damages and court fees? | I posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b6608k/unleashed_and_unsupervised_dog_attacked_my_dog/) in r/LegalAdvice but there is an aspect of this that want to ask here that I thought wasn't really relevant to legal advice.
TLDR: another dog attacked my dog and the owner not only let him out unleashed but also unsupervised. It wasn't until several minutes into the attack that he came out and struggled to get his dog off my dog. My dog's under arm muscle was ripped. The vet bills were $800 but I have pet insurance so they covered all but $280. I don't want his dog put down We live in an improvised neighborhood and this wasn't a setback for me but I don't know if he is struggling financially and can actually afford to reimburse me.
We live in an impoverished neighborhood. I grew up here and like it a lot. I am firmly middle class so while this event as been emotionally and mentally taxing it hasn't hurt me financially. The other guy might be struggling (I have no proof of what he can and cannot afford. This is all in my head (anxious mind)).
AITA for asking for reimbursement, behavior classes, and a fenced in yard?
I just think he needs to be a more responsible pet owner and the dog just needs proper training and a fenced in yard so he can continue to play. But I don't want to pile on financial constraints!
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
ZllBrMngC5XdC7d1GocrVIvA2EH7Zz2R | avasej | {
"description": "making date pay equal amount",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making date pay equal amount? | I used to pay for all my dates but I realized that was a quick and not so fun way to spend all my money. For a while now, I've been going 50/50 with my dates and everything was going swell. Recently, this gal I've been seeing suggested/demanded I pay a higher percentage of the bill (even though we get similarly priced foods) because I earn more. I basically was like nah I'm good. I do admit that I make more money than her, but that's only because I work more hours than her (we get paid the same per hour). Also, she chooses the place to eat almost every time so it's not like I'm picking places she can't afford. She said that was really unfair of me and pretty rude. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
O3wOvGdZHJTtP8t7Pc3xKbckZWxFVuiF | b23kxm | {
"description": "complaining about being excluded during brother-in-law's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for complaining about being excluded during brother-in-law's wedding? | My husband's brother got married overseas a few years ago (bride was from there). Only his immediate family went and his groomsmen. I accompanied my husband; we were a married couple for a few years by then.
I was excluded from a lot of the events. Whenever they wanted to take family photos I was asked to sit in the corner by myself or in the van (arranged transport for family members) by myself for a couple of hours. I know no one in the bride's side of the family was treated like this because I was in the van by myself. There was another event when they suddenly remembered that I was present and told me I had to come immediately, but I knew I couldn't make it in time, so didn't go.
Despite being treated like this, I remained cordial and didn't complain then, nor the years after. I figured our flights were paid for and it wasn't like I really wanted to be in the bride and groom's photos anyway. I can't remember anymore whether I was upset at the time, I just let it go.
Recently, I brought all this up for the first time when my husband complained about spending too much time at my family's gathering - where he was included, offered beer and was having a good time. His immediate response was to call me a selfish drama queen, said the wedding wasn't all about me, etc. Over the following days he complained to his family about me. They had excuses for everything and the general consensus was that I'm just being self centered. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uBTLsmh01iKakS8bkv637lzpZZ3QyR7o | b1a1w9 | {
"description": "telling an Ex-Friend's wife he's a Serial Cheater",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Telling an Ex-Friend's Wife He's a Serial Cheater |
Throwaway account.
Somewhat recently a friend, we'll call him James, that I fell out of contact over a year ago was involved in an accident that killed another person due to his own gross irresponsibility and negligence (drunk driving). James has always been a fairly selfish and impulsive person, but fun enough to be around. A couple of years into our friendship he met a girl, who we'll call Ann, and they started dating and quickly ot married due to pregnancy.
Before Ann, James had always been what people like to call "a player". He was always, ALWAYS flirting with some girl and a good amount of the women in our mutual friend group had slept with him at some point. During the first year of James and Ann's relationship, I was under the assumption he was being faithful, but this was also during a time where we didn't hang out as much due to conflicting schedules. It was after Ann had gotten pregnant that I finally started being able to spend time with James and heard rumors about him sleeping around and even saw some pretty blatant behavior as such on his part.
One friends night out, James started making passes at a mutual friend he had an ongoing affair with and Ann almost caught him. It was getting messy so I went outside, but Ann came out to smoke a cigarette. She began to ask me questions like "He wouldn't cheat on me right?" and I felt paralyzed. I was a drunk myself and eventually my dumbass came out with an answer that was essentially "I don't want to get involved." Which she took as absolute confirmation which then led into a crying, drunken screaming match at the bar.
Suffice to say there was ALOT of fallout from this that largely resulted in most people going "You shouldn't have said anything", "It wasn't your place", etc. After a couple of months things seemed to blow over. Ann and James were still together and most of our friends had stopped caring about the incident. James and I eventually got on good terms and began to hang out sporadically. I had never stopped hearing rumors and when we started hanging out again he did the same unfaithful BS. I felt bad for Ann, but was afraid to speak up and eventually drifted away from this entire group of people.
After I found out about the accident, I thought about Ann and texted her that if she needed any help to let me know. She thanked me and a few days later asked to talk on the phone.
She had caught James cheating again and just wanted to know if there was anything else she had been missing over the years because she was so paranoid and tired. I told her that I had seen a lot of seemingly unfaithful behavior and had heard rumors of even more and apologized for not saying something sooner. She was upset, but said she also felt relieved. Apparently my confirmation of her fears was the final push she needed and she would be talking to a divorce attorney.
So my question is: Am I the asshole for confirming all of her worst fears about her marriage after being a coward for so long? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2agqunV9JPfiauUdaP4dbVsGXCDO8lCj | amsq4n | null | AITA at my internship? | So, I did post about this on r/Advice, but the situation has definitely changed.
For some background, I (21F) started a tax internship about a month ago and my 2 friends are with me (a girl who we'll call AL, and a guy we'll call Y). AL is a junior (same as me) and Y is a senior graduating this spring (not in the Master's program). We're all accounting majors.
We've all been friends since the start of the fall semester. Everything was great. AL and I get along at work and we are fine. No drama, just support and genuine friendship here. Y, on the other hand, is different since we started working together at our internship. I want to give the full picture, so bear with me please:
Y and I started our internship on 1/2/19 (Wednesday). The first day was really more of a "get a feel for the software" kind of day. We were there for 7 hours. During that 7 hours, I got my first taste of doing taxes. Very boring, but also, just work. It was a huge learning experience for me, and it's only gotten better. Anyhow, so we're working away. and Y has nothing but negative opinions throughout the entire day. He doesn't like how things are run. He doesn't like doing taxes (he did volunteer for VITA the previous year and has taken individual and corporate tax (2 tax classes)), and he thinks our boss is incompetent.
I try to brush it off. Every time he has a bad thing to say, I try to diffuse it by saying things such as "It's not that bad." or "I personally don't have a problem with it". Things like that, because I really don't have an issue with the way things are run. So before the semester started, I was working 12-5 on every Tues, Thurs and Friday. Y could only work Tues & Thurs from 9-3. Therefore, I always saw him in the office on Tues & Thurs for about 3 hours. Needless to say, whenever I worked with him, it was the same thing. At one point, he did say and I quote, "\_\_\_\_\_ won't last in this industry." Now, this isn't personally against me, but I felt really pissed off for two reasons:
1) He was saying it in the office, where our boss could walk in at any time and overhear it. This could lead to him thinking that I am also participating in talking bad about him. This is the thing that really got me because every single time Y said something that was negative about our boss, I truly felt he was being selfish by jeopardizing my internship and my chances of getting a good recommendation to the master's program. This also applies for AL.
2) He keeps acting like he knows everything. He judges our boss as if he's an equal, and while all human beings are equal, in the workspace, we aren't. Our boss has over 25 years of experience as a CPA. That's more than any of us interns have been alive, and that experience definitely makes our boss valuable in the work place, whereas we interns are not as valuable. And my logic, that I explained to Y when I confronted him was "If you're so smart and you keep acting like you know everything, then where are your clients? Your firm? Your CPA license? Your degree? What about a job offer? None?"
I know that I cut deep when I said that last bit. But it's something that is so noticeable. A lot of his classmates have already secured a job offer in advance last fall. Some have secured Big 4 starting positions (and qualify for the CPA exam in NY, our state). He hasn't gotten one job offer and can't seem to get one. So clearly, he's not this overly-amazing future worker who's the best in his class. That's what I was trying to point out, not out of meanness, but just to open his eyes. He's an intern, same as me and AL. There's nothing about him that makes his opinion (which was unprofessional in AL's and my opinion) important because Y has never run his own firm, so how would he even know how to do anything?
So when I confronted him, I asked him politely: "Alright, since we're already at this point, I'm just going to ask that whenever I'm in the office with you, could you please just keep your negative opinions to yourself? I would appreciate it personally."
This is where things go south. Y immediately denies that he ever said any of the things he said, and AL and I are just in disbelief that he can just lie openly to our face like that. This is how our conversation goes, to the best of my memory since it happened on Thursday:
Me: what was said above.
Y: \*starts smiling\* I didn't say any of that.
Me: Are you seriously going to tell me you've never talked crap about our boss before?
Y: No, I didn't. Look, I don't have time for this shit. I have more important things to do.
Me: Okay, well, I'm just saying. I would appreciate it if you didn't. You're entitled to your opinion, but I feel like when you do this, you're jeopardizing my internship.
Y: Look, \_\_\_\_, if you like this job, then you're gonna do well. Unless I'm impacting how you work, I don't see how this personally affects you.
Me: It doesn't impact my work ability, but you're making this a toxic work place and it's not professional what you're saying.
Y: I'm giving the business feedback. Like at my other internship, I told my supervisor that we needed to start using more technology to keep up with the times and she told me that they were trying to but that it's hard to adjust. But since I gave her that feedback, now they know."
Me: That's great that you were able to do that, but you're not giving our boss any "feedback". You're just saying things behind his back that's just plain rude and isn't constructive at all.
Y: Look, I really don't have time for this, and you can't tell me what to do.
Me: I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just asking you to be mindful of what you say here in the office.
Y: And I haven't.
Me: Seriously? I have the text messages where you were complaining about your pay. And you even admitted in your texts that you have talked crap about our boss.
Y: Well, you have the texts. There you go.
Y gets up to tell our boss that he's heading out (he only works 2 1/2 hours 2 days a week during the semester. When he comes back into our work space, he starts laughing and says "You should have recorded it then."
Personally, I'm confused because now I'm thinking these 2 things might have happened:
1) Did he lie to me and AL because he thought I was recording him? OR
2) Was he recording me? And even if he did, I never said anything bad to incriminate myself because I've shown my boss I'm honest, hardworking, and willing to get work done (without pay) outside the office.
​
I honestly don't know who the asshole is here. I feel like I'm justified because it's not good to talk crap about your boss, and in our current workspace, it would be hard to not assume all 3 interns are participating in said unprofessional talk. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VMS3pPZ9L1PKeS2UVCkBiKIgZYQQo5TR | agaqtw | {
"description": "taking my mom off my Netflix account",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA Taking my mom off my Netflix account? | So, some background. I have the top tier Netflix package for 4K streaming. I have it logged in on my iPhone, my SO’s iPhone, the iPad our two kids share, our smart TV and two xBox’s. last year, a close relative to mine was donating an organ so that another relative of ours could receive a donated organ as well, it resulted in lots of travelling and hotel/hospital stays for my relative, so I gave them my Netflix credentials, which they logged in on an iPad and a set top box. As of that point, I’ve never had issues accessing Netflix because too many people are watching. Recently, we were visiting my mom (who lives 5 hours away) and we wanted to watch Netflix, so I logged in on their TV. My mom isn’t too tech savvy, so I left it logged in. She ends up really liking it, and asks for my credentials so her boyfriend can put it on their tablet for when they travel. Within the week, I’ve received emails from Netflix that my credentials have been logged in on an additional TV to the one I put it on, a laptop, a fire stick, 2 tablets, a phone, and most recently, a set top box at an address way far away, where her boyfriends son lives. I still haven’t been kicked off for too many people being on the account, but I feel it’s going to happen soon. WIBTA if I just change the pw now? Should I wait until it inconveniences me? My mom and her bf are semi retired, so they aren’t flush with cash, but they aren’t broke either. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
janpoUZ430yVNVU0LwtUinD5aqjdcVCJ | b691d8 | {
"description": "cutting off my close friend/crush for dealing with someone else",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA If I cut off my close friend/crush for dealing with someone else? | So I recently became close friends (best friends, even) with a girl. I had seen her around my school for some time then we ended up sitting next to one another in a class. I was straightforward and told her I thought she was very pretty and if we could go out on a date. She had a boyfriend at the time and declined, but they broke up a couple weeks after I met her ( due to his infidelity) and we began to talk more. In the month and a half since we have become very close, I’ve been over to her house and met her family on multiple occasions, and she is going to meet my family for the first time this weekend. She’s even asked to go on vacation with us and wants me to take her with me on a trip to New York (without the family, just us).
We are always together and I’m getting (what I interpret to be) mixed signals (I was told by a friend of hers that she’s just “friendly”, she’s like this with a lot of guys, and I shouldn’t read into it). I let her know that I’ve started to develop feelings for her, and she told me 1) that I’m just horny and essentially my feelings aren’t real, and 2) she just got out of a relationship, she needs time. I fully understand and respect her decision, and I said I’m fine with being friends with her.
However, I’m beginning to have second thoughts. The amount of time I spend with her daily, in school, out of school, and at work ( she got me a job at the same establishment she works at), will only increase my feelings for her. I already told her I wouldn’t feel comfortable being around her if she started talking to (as in Romantically) another guy or hooks up with someone, but I’m just wondering if I would be the asshole in a situation where she gets involved with another guy and I cut her off or distance myself to a point where our friendship sputters out.
I’m just trying to keep myself from suffering unnecessarily by having to watch someone that I have feelings for be with someone else, especially considering how close she and I are.
TL;DR I like a girl a lot and we have become close friends but I am thinking of cutting her off if she becomes romantically involved with someone else. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
uZa7SB3Z7sQoh9uxFCwGMIoRGfwpEjvx | atyvfj | {
"description": "not telling my girlfriend that two people I'm going travelling with I've hooked up with before",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not telling my girlfriend that two people I’m going travelling with I’ve hooked up with before? | My girlfriend and I have been together a year and have a wonderful relationship. I could not be happier.
I’m planning on going travelling with 3 friends soon but my GF doesn’t know that two of them I’ve actually got with before. Let’s call them Rachel and Holly.
Holly and I had a very brief kiss on a very drunken night out three years ago (brief because it felt weird). We talked about it later and agreed that we’re great as friends and should defo remain platonic.
Rachel and I made out on three consecutive nights out about two years ago, but it never came to anything. She met her now boyfriend soon after and any feelings I had went away. We’ve been completely platonic since.
I’ve never slept with either of them, and see them both as just friends. We are part of the same group of friends and get along well together. My GF knows them and gets on with them well but isn’t in that friendship group.
I’ve never told my girlfriend about it. She almost never asks me about past relationships/crushes/flings, so I never had the opportunity. There were times when I thought I should tell her, just because I didn’t want to hide anything from her but time went by and I never knew how to initiate that conversation. Wouldn’t it be weird if your SO sat you down and was like, “hey btw, I’ve made out with two of my friends”?
So now I’m wondering if I’m an asshole for not telling my GF. It almost feels like by bringing it up I’m making it a big deal. This all happened long before I even met my GF. I have zero interest in either of them now...and yet I have this slight feeling that it’s shady if I don’t tell her.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
rbSRKDo3GHy7TDlyaJyCWVLgNtCYBzBB | azp2nz | {
"description": "not wanting to be in my sons life",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for not wanting to be in my sons life. | My son is currently 2 but the story starts 4 years ago when I dropped out of college and moved back in with my mom and stepfather. When I first moved back in was looking at a mountain of debt from my credit card and student loans and I was unemployed. To make matters worse I had been arrested earlier that same month and I was in the process of hiring a lawyer to help get the charges expunged.
Throughout college I continuously abused alcohol and that abuse only got worse. I routinely drank throughout the day and began to experiment with recreational drugs. I managed to get a shitty job making 7.25 an hour at a movie theatre where I met the future mother of my kid, we’ll call her Jill.
Jill was fun and she and entered a casual sexual relationship. She was in her late 20s (I was in my early 20s) and also lived with her parents. We’d get drunk and fuck after work and maybe hangout here and there but it was nothing serious. 8 months into the relationship she told that she was pregnant.
Now I want to make this very clear. The moment she told that she was pregnant I told her that it was her body and that it was her choice but if she kept the baby I’d have nothing to do with either of them. Throughout the pregnancy I tried to come around to the idea of co-parenting but I just couldn’t get my head around it. She told me that if I didn’t want to be apart of his life that that would be fine and she wouldn’t come after me for child support but that I shouldn’t expect any favors in terms of visitation or custody agreements should I change my mind down the road.
I had always been on the fence about marriage and kids but I knew 100% that I didn’t want any of that with her. I was a college dropout making minimum with a criminal record. I was also going to court mandated therapy to deal with my alcoholism .I wasn’t in a position to support myself let alone another human being.
Fast forward to the present day and the situation hasn’t gotten any better. My mom (who is active in my sons life and in the moms) kicked me out of the house. I got sober for a few months but when I relapsed my mom had had enough. He’s 2 now and I haven’t been to either of his birthdays and I’ve only seen him may 4-5 times. Her family hates me and wants nothing to do with while members of my own family have distanced themselves from. On my last birthday all I got was a text from my mom.
I currently live with my grandmother in a rural town several hours away from my son and his mom. We’ve blocked each other on all social media and she has my number blocked. We haven’t spoken in over a year. I’ve got a decent paying job and I’ve been able to pay off my credit cards. I feel as though my life is slowly turning around and I’m relatively unbothered by not being on my sons life. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
eAG9Wv96cm8GBZBBfWcajo5hBn2kKWyc | awtfyq | {
"description": "drawing attention to the disparity in income with my snooty coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 63,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for drawing attention to the disparity in income with my snooty coworkers? | I'm the front desk person at a small tech company. I made okay money for where I live, and considering I live a pretty tame lifestyle. It's not enough to afford vacations, eating out all the time, fancy clothes, etc, but none of that is stuff that I need or really want. When I take time off, it's usually to go camping in the back country, or to stay at home and enjoy a relaxing weekend.
Some of the women I work with (not all of them) are... snooty. They'll often times get together after work to go shopping at the fancy mall nearby (with stores like Nordstrom, Tori Burch, etc), and the next day will come in and brag about their purchases, or talk about the fancy meals they had after. I always smile politely and comment on how that sounds fun -- and it does! The snooty part comes in when they sometimes ask me where I got my outfit, I'll inevitably say Goodwill or something, and they give that polite tight-lipped smile that says "Oh, that's... cute." I've heard them make comments about my outfits before, but I don't really mind. There are other people who work there who are much more down to Earth.
Here's the part where I might be the asshole. A few days ago, one of them was talking about how she needed a new hairstyle for spring, and she wanted to know if I knew of a good salon in the area, because my hair always looks nice. I said thank you for the compliment, but that I've cut my own hair since my mom taught me how.
She looked at me funny/wrinkled her nose and said, "You cut your own hair?"
I said "Yeah, salons are just too expensive for me, and I don't really do anything but trim it."
She snorted and said "A decent haircut might cost something like $45, but it's so worth it."
Here's where I messed up. My eyes got a little wider and I said, "$45? What am I, Nelson Rockefeller?"
She got that tightlipped smile again and said "Well, I suppose it might be a little high for... some people."
I said "$45 is my food budget for the week. I guess if I put that towards hair, it'd be a great way for me to lose a little weight!" and laughed because I thought we were just joking around.
Apparently, she didn't think it was all that funny. I can't stress enough that I wasn't trying to sound like an asshole, but it honestly shocked me that $45 would be considered cheap for a *haircut.* But she ended up going to the other girls and talking about it, and later in the day one of them caught me in the break room and told me that I embarrassed the other woman, and that she felt judged.
I've been keeping to myself and not really engaging with them beyond work pleasantries. The other day, we were all pitching in for a farewell card for a coworker who got a new job, and the one who approached me in the break room said "Don't worry, we'll put some money in from you. I wouldn't want you to have to cut into your *food budget*." The two of them kind of snickered/laughed.
Sooo... did I really fuck up? Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 62,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 63,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
trHzFhBpOAQVuSfsNoP0m4y2By5Ru6Ll | ay5uoc | {
"description": "not wanting my sisters boyfriend to come to my birthday meal",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my sisters boyfriend to come to my birthday meal | I(m16) don’t get along with my sisters boyfriend at all and would honestly say that I hate him (mainly due to the fact that he’s tried to fight with me on more than one occasion. Anyway it’s my birthday next week and to celebrate my mum suggested that we go out as a family(invited my girlfriend, sister, ect) my mum asked if I wanted to invite my sisters boyfriend and I say no and if he shows up I’ll leave and walk home. After this she tells my sister(19) and when my sister gets home she proceeds to yell at me and say that if he can’t come she won’t either and I said that it’s her decision if she wants to come but her boyfriend is not welcome. Well about an hour after she came home she storms into my room claiming if I don’t let him come she’ll disown me as a brother and not get me any gifts (I’m 16 gifts aren’t a big deal for me anymore) I again tell her that’s her decision.
The family meal is next Friday.
AITA for not allowing him to come? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cE7TEMvyhMCoGhaffBLvWSdwxoByRUG2 | ay7dp4 | {
"description": "asking a friend to contact another friend of mine to ask if she was hitting on me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking a friend to contact another friend of mine to ask if she was hitting on me? | I feel like context may be required on this one. So, 2ish weeks ago, a former acquaintance of mine who I met at a convention (does not go to my school or live near me) started to contact me again, and we instantly started chatting over the course of the next couple of days. Over time, I felt like the conversation was getting a tad more flirty (keep in mind, I could totally be misinterpreting signals here), and she started asking me if I wanted to meet her to go to a movie some time or hang out at her house. I started talking with my close friends about it, and they all agreed with the possibility she could be hitting on me. I declined most of the invites she sent me due to extenuating (and real) circumstances, and she kept on chatting with me or trying to reschedule. I talked about this with my friends some more, and one of them brought up the idea of asking her from her account if she was hitting on me. She did, and the girl flat out denied it, saying she was just trying to “hang out because that’s what friends do”. Ever since then, she hasn’t responded to my casual messages from a previous conversation we had, and I feel very guilty for putting her and my friend into that situation. What’s the verdict? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kYooftTxy3evZa4T25y7cKH9Gz435C8u | aggmch | {
"description": "having my overweight 8 year old daughter get on the scale every couple of weeks to monitor her weight",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for having my overweight 8 year old daughter get on the scale every couple of weeks to monitor her weight? | Middle school was rough for me because I was an overweight kid growing up in the 90s. I now teach middle school and have a firsthand look at how cruel today’s kids can be.
My mom was skinny and didn’t understand the struggle, and never really taught me anything about being healthy. Instead, she would let my skinny little brother eat anything he wanted, and withheld food from me. I finally figured it out after high school and joined the gym, but to this day (I’m 32) I still battle with overeating and probably always will. I love to exercise, but since I struggle with my food intake, I am still an overweight person, but a physically strong one, and I do have an unhealthy addiction to weighing myself on the scale.
Recently, I started involving my daughter in my home workouts, and I’ve been showing her how to make healthy choices. We go for light jogs together, or she will ride her bike with me while I jog at my pace, and we do step workouts to music and we play just dance on the switch. We do one of these activities every weeknight, and have been for about a month now.
Today she asked me if she could get on the scale to see how much she weighs. I explained to her that it’s not about a number on the scale, but how you feel when your body can do things that you didn’t think it could do (even though I admittedly don’t take my own advice when it comes to this). She still wanted to weigh in. I let her. I’m worried that she will develop an unhealthy scale addiction like I have. I don’t want her to go through what I did, and I want her to be healthy. I know that it’s up to me to lay that foundation for her. I’m just unsure if I’m doing it in the right way. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
4zK2ZriZkCHbvovKdRSTIGFjdsLqSobY | asb72c | {
"description": "being happy that my best friend's relationship is over",
"pronormative_score": 115,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being happy that my best friend's relationship is over? | My best friend Jason has been in a relationship with his gf Tessa for about 2 years. She had entered our circle of friends a few months prior to going out with Jason, and at first she was pretty cool. But shortly after they got together her attitude changed. Suddenly she didn't want to hang out whenever there would be other girls around because they all secretly wanted Jason according to her. Then she didn't want to hang out with certain friends because they had girlfriends and that could mean other women around Jason and she just couldn't accept that.
Well after awhile I brought all this behavior up to Jason and he made excuses for Tessa about how she's "just the jealous type" and "that's just how she is." I told him that was bullshit, and that these are all huge red flags. I knew that was all I could really do so I dropped it. At some point Jason must have told Tessa about our conversation because suddenly she would refuse to hang out if I was there. Then she started trying to get Jason to stop hanging out with me all together. Luckily this was one of Jason's hills to die on and he made her back off when it came to me.
Fast forward to a couple days ago and I caught Tessa out on a date with some guy I didn't recognize. They were at a small restaurant known for being a date spot. I took a picture of them eating at one of the outside tables and sent it to Jason. He called me almost immediately and all he said was "that's her fucking ex. I'll be there soon." He hung up and just as they were about to leave Jason pulled up and started a shouting match with Tessa.
The TLDR of the fight. Tessa denied anything was going on. Guy then immediately called her out saying she had told him that Jason had broken up with her. Tessa then stared open mouthed at him for a minute before crying and wailing about how they were ganging up on her and refused to hear the truth. Then when she noticed me standing about 10 feet back she started shrieking about how I ruined everything. I just stood there stunned. Ex left, and Jason and I met back at his place to pack up her shit and left it in the driveway for her to pick up.
Jason spent the next couple days at my place and I took a day off to keep an eye on him. He was heartbroken. He had even planned on proposing to her once he was situated in his new job. I felt terrible for him, but secretly inside I was doing backflips. Jason just left this morning to go back to living at his place, and as soon as his car was out of sight I started dancing around the living room singing "ding dong the witch is dead!"
This is where I am conflicted. Because I honestly feel more glad that my friends and I get Jason back than I feel bad for Jason that he is going through all these horrible things. Does this make me an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 114,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 115,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
aoMoz2QDZT9Uj3UDNx4DIYau43VqKSvD | b50h91 | {
"description": "feeling disappointed",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for feeling disappointed? | i will keep the background as short and sweet (but detailed and relevant) as possible by just bulleting it.
* BF and i live about an hour's drive apart
* i do not drive but am in the process of getting my license with full intention of getting a car ASAP but am currently stuck in the government mandated waiting period. even if i bought a car tomorrow i could not legally insure or drive it on my own for several months. i am also not legally able to rent a car right now. not until i enter the next stage of graduated licensing.
* when BF comes to see me (which i am ALWAYS HIGHLY APPRECIATIVE OF) i will offer gas money, pick up the tab for dinner, and thank him for going out of his way
* BF lives in a small town in an awkward area with no transit, so if i were to go up to see him it would be about 1.5h on a couple different commuter lines plus a cab ride from the next town over since transit doesn't enter his town. cabs cannot be hailed same as the city, they need to be reserved in advance as there are only about 2-3 cabs in his town. not cab companies, total cars on the road. an uber would cost upwards of $100.
* we see each other almost exclusively on weekends and lately, just fridays and saturdays
* something almost always seems to come up any other day i ask if we will be able to see each other
today we had plans to see one another. this morning he first tells me he isn't feeling well and i think, "of course. another sunday where you're sick. same as last week, same as all the weeks before," but tell him not to worry about it to stay home.
later, he says he's feeling better and can come down. i say again, "stay home if you need the rest," but he says he's on his way. about 5 minutes later i get a message saying his truck is being borrowed and now he can't come after all.
and now i'm annoyed.
it's always something and i'm starting to feel like there are a lot of empty promises being made. i know i am not owed his time and i know and appreciate the effort he goes to for us to see one another, but i feel like plans are always being broken with one excuse or another and if we had just decided to hang out, not do anything special, those are the days the excuses come out.
before anyone suggests it, i have no suspicions that he is cheating.
but AITA here for being pissed about this? i know i'm under no obligation to his time but it's getting to the point where i'm becoming frustrated with having a boyfriend i only see 2x a week with excuses every other time i try to see him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LC0iSZ3mILGISZgnsw5BDpV4DVLHmvr7 | aidp7y | {
"description": "doing my job and working away from home",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for doing my job and working away from home? | Before me an my SO got together I was working for one of the world biggest pharmaceutical companies in IT. The pay was great and involved a little travel here and there to Europe. A year later I was asked to take on the lead for local IT aspects of a global project for a huge global regulatory system. This was ground floor in one of the biggest changes in pharmaceutical regulations in history, and effects every company everywhere.
A few months later a vendor for the software (the only supplier in Europe) asked me to join them full time. Being fresh with the company and enjoying my time I said no. About a year later I was asked again by a manager of the vendor, but my dad was sick so I refused to go as had to look after him. 4 months later he died, and my world went to shit including my job and relationship. We split for a while, and I was offered a year abroad working for the vendor which I took as a fresh start and something for me after doing so much for many people for many years (another story) .
Before I left, me and the SO reconciled and decided to do long distance whilst I lived in Ireland. Before my contract living in ireland was up, I was offered a subcontract working from home for 8 months, which was extended to 15 in total. During this time I did my share of the housework, drive her to and from work (she dosent drive), the kids to and from school (not biologicaly mine, but mine in my heart) and generally doing anything needed in the house and relationship like every good partner should.
This month my subcontract is over and I need to go back on the road travelling for work, which means working away Monday-Friday. The Mrs has taken this really badly, citing she understands its my job and I had it before we got together, but I feel like crap and like I should quit my job to be part of the "nuclear family" idea she has. Whilst not saying it out loud, she's acting so down, making a big scene about travel to and from work (she can't drive), explaining to the kids how I'll only be around for Sundays from now (kids dad takes them on friday+Saturday) and generally making me feel shitty.
My job has excellent pay, full private healthcare for the family, company car, mobile, bonuses etc but she is really anti-materilistic so it all means nothing to her. My dad was everything to me, and his job meant working away from home so growing up this was all normal for me, only seeing him on the weekend. We had a fantastic relationship so I really don't get the issue of me being away from home.
Tl;dr
Job means I have to work away from home, Mrs is making me feel like crap for going, AITA?
NB - I'm probably just being overly sensitive, and feel shitty for posting this but need an outlet somehow before I lose my mind. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fwRmqy6NFPC4voFs1LxVRHKQtZw7CCO2 | afqbar | {
"description": "spending my money on something I want rather than what my bf suggests",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for Spending my Money on Something I Want Rather Than What My bf Suggests? | My bf has recently suggested we go to Knotts Berry Farm. I agreed and he suggested that we buy yearly passes because they would be cheaper ($90 for one time entry and $120 yearly.) But I'm not sure if we'll go that frequently tbh. We live kinda far and rarely do much on the weekends. It seemed too pricey to spend on something I may not use with my current financial situation. I explained this and he understood. Then my friend suggested seeing Wicked next weekend. I was so excited as I've always wanted to see it. It costs around the same amount and I told my bf I was thinking about going. He got upset because he thought I was too broke to get the passes for Knotts. He said "you didn't have the money to go to Knotts but suddenly you have the money when it's something YOU want." I didn't know what to say. I didn't ask him to go as I know he doesn't like musicals and I'm okay with going with just my friends. I haven't confirmed that I want to go yet. I'm just not sure if I'd be an asshole for attending. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Fcj0iShrYPdBsONJcKP6i6CRN4oYASwi | axwb4f | {
"description": "not wanting the dogs to be allowed on the bed",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For not wanting the dogs to be allowed on the bed? | Gf an i have been together for 2 years and this has always been a major argument between us. We have 2 dogs a, 3 year old rottweiler (hers) and a one year old husky mix (mine). She constantly allows them onto the bed despite my asking nicely at first and then becoming more forced because I was being ignored. I have never allowed any animals I've owned, dogs or cats onto my bed it has always been an off limits zone. Am I being the asshole for insisting on this? She had the rottweiler before we met and is like faily to her but I dont think I'm asking too much. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9EXerReVkh7vXwqxM3msSceO7D1rlA5v | a7hupg | {
"description": "refusing to answer a depressed ex's messages",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to answer a depressed ex’s messages? | Hey all. Around July/August, my boyfriend of around two years broke up with me. It was after a series of toxic fights, my own insecurity, his gaslighting, and him throwing furniture. I was planning on breaking up with him, but he managed to “beat me to the punch” so to speak, and did it over text message.
At the time, I was relieved because neither of us were happy. I was insecure over him with other girls (something I ended up talking to someone for), and he is also depressed/has anxiety. He tried reaching out to me a few times around the time of the initial break up, and always brought it back to things I did wrong/starting a fight. If I didn’t respond, he would keep blowing up my phone until I did - and would then start a fight.
Fast forward to now, I’m now dating someone else (and have been for three months) and am incredibly happy. Yesterday, my ex reached out to me - first asking about how my job is going.
To be honest, I was weirded out him reaching out and responded only vaguely in one word answers. I didn’t want any sort of fight to start, so I thought answering (but only vaguely) would be a happy medium.
Well, he was pissed about that and began saying things like “I guess you’d rather not talk, I’ll just go fuck myself then”. After that, I didn’t respond at all, which only made him mad. He starts going on about “how could I move on so quick” and if he meant anything to me, I’d help him get closure. I didn’t respond to anything.
Today, a mutual friend of ours who lives out of state texted me. He began by making small talk and then said that I need to talk to my ex because his anxiety and depression has been really bad and I owe it to him.
I really don’t want to, because it always ends up in a fight. But they make me feel like it’s my fault because he has a mental illness.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bbhV1smm0svlhhMV9kDxhAFRJsS686h6 | b7259d | {
"description": "being interested in one of the closest friends of the girl I've sorta being seeing for a couple months now? and for asking the girl, in the middle of a completely different conversation, if the friend is single",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being interested in one of the closest friends of the girl i've sorta being seeing for a couple months now? And for asking the girl, in the middle of a completely different conversation, if the friend is single? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG | |
VBhOEDE6MflMmpoeWOGJYmRL45VBQNNY | b2zz53 | {
"description": "not showing up to a shift scheduled outside of my availability",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For not showing up to a shift scheduled outside of my availability? | Backstory
I work as a server at a half arcade half sports bar Restaurant on the weekends. (Thurs-Sun)
I attend school during the week (Mon-Wed) so I’ve had it blacked out of My availability on the online scheduling program since my first day
This week was spring break for the Local schools in the area so they scheduled more servers than usual throughout the week to counter. However, I was not on spring break as my college didn’t follow the same schedule as the county.
So I get a call Monday morning asking where I am. When I tell them I’m at school my boss starts to get angry saying it was spring break and that these dates were blacked out for taking time off. I tried explaining about how my school had Spring break last week and I wasn’t aware that my schedule had changed. He then seemed to not believe me when I said I was at school and said he’s treating today like a last second call out when I told him I can’t leave school for my shift.
So am I the Asshole for not showing up to a shift scheduled outside of my availability ?
(First post sorry for formatting) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
bCt1hKrM63A9CVj3Yy0B8uKQLy5aEg0X | aimxyd | {
"description": "calling out another dog walker",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling out another dog walker? | A little background: So I live in a small English village which has a dog population that's about as large as its human one, so your guaranteed to meet at least a few while you're out walking. Now, I walk my neighbour's three dogs, always separately as a pair and a single so that I'm not overwhelmed by them (these are strong dogs that are used to long-distance running so they pull quite a lot.) They aren't violent but they can get anxious if other dogs get close, usually causing them to bark and sometimes lash out, only once ending in a slight scrap (another dog got way too close and ended up locked around my dog's neck). For this reason, they are kept on leads at all times. I, as well as a lot of my neighbour's walk our dogs around a crop field which is almost always seeded, meaning it's not advised to walk *through* the field, just around it. The path that surrounds it is a public footpath which is quite narrow, so if I come into contact with another dog walker I will pull my dogs aside and let the other walker through to avoid any potential conflict.
SO here is the crux of my story. There's another walker, let's call him DG (Dog Guy). He walks what is essentially a dog pack; 4 Labrador's and a smaller dog. Now, the dog's themselves don't seem violent but they are certainly protective. As soon as my dog's are within smelling distance, they're pretty much trained on us, and once we're in range of DG they're on the approach and trying to drive us away by barking and encircling us. This freaks my dog's out in a big way (unsurprisingly). Another important detail here is that DG is quite happy to let them do this unleashed. The field itself is not in the sticks, it's surrounded by busy main roads that most responsible dog owners would not let their dogs free around.
This routine has happened at least 4 or 5 times: approach dog owner, dog's freak out, have to walk through muddy fields just to avoid confrontation. This is the ONLY person I have this issue with. Every other dog walker is responsible enough to keep their dogs leashed. Cut to today. This scenario plays out as predictably as ever, getting barked into a field, only this time I'm greeted by a chirpy "Alright!" from DG. The English among you might know that this greeting has several connotations, but in the moment I took it as "Are you alright?" Which led to the following conversation:
Me: "Where are their leashes, mate?"
DG: "In my pocket"
Me: "Why aren't they leashed?"
DG: "Oh, they're not gonna' hurt anyone"
Me: "I'm not worried about *your* dogs, I'm worried about mine"
DG: "Well if they're vicious, they *should* be kept on leashes"
Me: "I have to deal with your dogs all the time, what the fuck is this?"
At this point he's pretty grumpy, not making eye contact with me.
DG: "You better walk ahead then"
Me: "What?"
He repeated himself as I left, muttering "Cunt" under my breath, something that I've often said upon seeing him from a distance, but never up close (it was quite a thrill.) Anyway, I felt pretty good about actually saying something for once instead of just living with it, even if it wasn't a particularly cohesive or productive confrontation. So back to my initial question; AITA for calling him out on his shit? And I guess, is there anything I could or should do to stop him from continuing ? (Apologies if this was quite long-winded.) | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
WVqaGkJCKDkhxL9xxXwabROi4HfWuBf1 | a44hxo | {
"description": "honking at a lady",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for honking at a lady | AITA for honking at this lady at Costco? I was waiting for a parking space to open up. When it did, the lady whose car is next to the space opened her door to get in. She hops into her car then leaves the door open into the space I'm waiting for for about 30 seconds while she texts. I decide to honk and wait. She looks at me then continues so I drive up into the space giving her just enough space to close her door. She waits another minute before finally closing it. Should I have been more patient? It's Costco so the lot was packed and she didn't have any groceries to put away. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9ovIdwtq1u0BLQdtRDUfhosbu55APoSD | akv5so | {
"description": "considering reporting restricted breeds to my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for considering reporting restricted breeds to my apartment | So I'm going to preface this post by saying that I love dogs and have a dog of my own (corgi).
I have been noticing over the past few years that more people have been moving into my apartment complex with pit bulls, pitt bull mixes, staffordshire terriers, and german shepherds. However, our lease explicitly calls out these breeds and mixes of these breeds as restricted. I am assuming the owners never reported that they own these dogs or that they lied about their dogs breed when filling out their lease.
My dilemma is that some of these dogs are genuinely very nice, However there are also some that are plain mean/aggressive. In the past year I've even had two of them run up to me unleashed and bark at me which scared me shitless.
My dog was attacked unprovoked by one of these staffordshire terrier/pitt bull mixes last year. There are a lot of small dogs that live in the apartment complex and I don't want them having to deal with what I went through. However, I feel like if I report that there are dogs that violate the breed restriction then they'll crack down on the people with the nice dogs.
Would I be the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
p0ateVP7sSAi79FxRSWcjyyOtxZurjDD | a18ndw | {
"description": "calling out gf's friend for going in our room whilst away",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling out gf's friend for going in our room whilst away? | My girlfriend has this friend who is staying with us. She's been at ours for roughly a month and we have a spare room, so it's not that big of a deal. She works often and studies but she's staying with us to avoid an ex.
My GF and I left for the weekend to my moms and the friend was going to be alone at ours all weekend. Now the girls have been friends for years and we're roommates before so it shouldn't have been a big deal, but I didn't want her to be sneaking around our shit while we were away. So I set a little 'boobie trap' which was an iron board leaning up against the door so that if she did open it, it would hit whomever decided to snoop up in our room.
There is absolutely no reason this person should have been in the room. None. But alas she did and admitted to it. I instantly shook my head and said she shouldn't have been in there. She claims she was just looking for something innocuous and then started crying and blah blah blah. I clearly don't like her, but AITA in this sitch? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
RwC9jm8278nwkuAyxrvhOExlDlHoiDtQ | b950v0 | null | AITA | Me and my girlfriend had a miscarriage in November of last year. Last week I found out that my best friends girlfriend is pregnant and they are going through a sticky situation. With her always traveling back and forth from Colombia to Miami. I've tried to speak to my girlfriend about it a couple times. Because I would like a woman's input also so I could try to give him the best advice.
Today I mentioned it to her and she started talking to me about it. Then we hit a disagreement and she started telling me how she doesn't want anything to do with the baby. That because we are best friends doesn't mean she has to be any involved in it. That she's jealous and doesn't want to talk about it because we had a miscarriage in November. So I told her I thought she was wrong and that their situation had nothing to do with ours. Silence invaded our home for the best part of the last hour. I'm I the asshole for thinking she is wrong for relating something that has nothing to do with us to the situation we went through? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
5K0qbAhxWdJfVMD14KVKBMwB09WPxSvY | a25azu | {
"description": "lashing out at my friends when they said I looked like a \"sped\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for lashing out at my friends when they said I looked like a "sped"? | Hello, AITA. Last night some of my (M/15) friends (Also M/14-15) decided to make fun of me in a way I disliked and I got mad. Here's some extra info:
I was out at dinner with my family, and since we had a relative in town, we went to a nicer place. Outside of the restaurant there is a mural with some cool paintings. I decided to have my sister take my picture so I could post it to Instagram, which I did.
Well, about five minutes after posting, two comments were on my picture, both posted about 30 seconds apart: "You done look like a sped" and "You been look like a sped". By the way, sped is slang for special education child.
I confronted the two guys about it (they will be T and K) and K said "Well, it's true". I told them I didn't like being called a "sped" and it's not funny. T responded "It is to us". (Which kind of sounds like bullying but whatever) They began calling me dramatic and continued calling me other terms, including such creative words as:
-Gay
-Queer
-My name but part of it replaced with queer
-"Omega peen Lord" (lol)
It bothered me to be called what they did. I'm not gay in any way, nor am I diagnosed with a disability, but I'm very self conscious about myself and I feel that them continuing to make fun of me was a bad move.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
r3CCWQsdSP6PrKL8GBXO6MUjm1sjV0Oi | apiueg | {
"description": "sending a snarky email for a position I applied for 5 months ago",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA If I sent a snarky email for a position I applied for 5 months ago? | So I applied to be an ambassador for a group I was apart of freshman year, as there was an opening for it on my university's job finding website. I applied the first week of last semester and I just got an email back from the person running the whole ordeal stating that the position has been filled. Not going to lie, I'm really annoyed that they even took the time to email me when they ignored my application for so long. Would it be rude if I replied with:
"Hi,
Considering I applied for this position at the beginning of last semester, I would have appreciated a more timely response. Nevertheless, thank you for letting me now. Hope this semester is treating you well.
\-Cheers,
u/treponema_pallidumb"
I feel like it's justified, but it feels like a dick move. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
uVFwUBHvCOZjin6F7ytpvXe08ZApL6T4 | awynnc | {
"description": "leaving my sis instead of ride sharing",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my sis instead of ride sharing? | Yesterday was my grandpa's birthday, and we were having it about an hour away from where my sis and I live. A week ago, I had asked her if she was planning on going, and she was still unsure. The day before, I get a text from her asking if I wanted to drive up with her. I said sure, and we agreed to meet at her place around 1 (party starts at 2). She had a meeting until then and would be home shortly after.
For some context, I work third shift hours, and usually go to sleep around 4 or 5pm. This means when we have family gatherings like this, I'm working on limited time, especially with an hour drive.
I get a text from her a couple of hours before we agreed to meet, saying she still needed to grab a present and that we would need to stop someplace on the way up. I said alright. She then followed that up saying she was taking a friend home from the meeting. I was less happy about this, but said ok.
I get to her place a little after 1. Half an hour passes. I get a text from her saying she had to drop a second person off and then she'd be on her way back. I'm thinking that with the time it takes her to drop another person off and then the time we would have to take to shop, we were looking at another half an hour of wasted time. I text her and ask if she's close by, and if not, that I was leaving. She said about 10 mins. I left anyway.
I get to the party, and she shows up about 40 mins later. She's giving me the silent treatment, but I overhear her talking to mom about how her car has been having trouble and she's going to be taking it in on Monday. So the real motivation behind her initial text was she wanted a lift instead of having to drive her car.
It's not a big deal, but these kinds of things happen all the time with her. She has little respect for me or my time, and she often hides her true intentions about why she wants to spend time with me. This time I got fed up, and chose more time with the rest of the family over her. She's still giving me the silent treatment, and I don't think I owe her an apology. Am I in the wrong here?
​
TLDR: We agreed on a time, she was super late and unprepared, I was working on limited time and chose to leave rather than wait for her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wh0sC1I6AbjoPuov9YNGAENwKZlW1ykt | apddye | {
"description": "blocking an aisle with a shopping cart",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for blocking an aisle with a shopping cart? | So this actually happened to my wife (who doesn't have a Reddit) and this is her telling of what went down: She was at Target just doing some shopping not hurting any children or puppies. She was drawn to the Magnolia collection, obviously, and got sucked into their clearance section. She was so taken back by the door busting deals that she didn't realize she had left her shopping cart blocking the aisle. Things got spicy when she heard someone make one of those remarks that's meant for you to hear but they're too big a poons to actually say it to your face. The wife turned, grabbed the cart and told them all they had to do was say excuse me and not be dicks about it. They then traded a few verbal jabs with them thinking my wife is the asshole for blocking the aisle and my wife thinking they are the assholes for the way they went about trying to get through. She came to me for assurance that she wasn't in the wrong and although I see her point I personally hate people that block aisles in stores so I'm a bit torn. I love my wife and would drag my nutsack across the surface of a thousand suns for her but I will also let her know when I think she's wrong. This is a toughie for me so I'm turning to you fine people. Judge at will. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
gOqlzvkztY7f3DkBxUNPjEY9QQxVgroF | ajp5h2 | {
"description": "asking my parents to shorten our trip overseas because my main focus was to go for competition and not go for a holiday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking my parents to shorten our trip overseas because my main focus was to go for competition and not go for a holiday? | Not sure if the title sounds bait-y but my parents had good intentions while planning this trip. They had lived in London for 10 years before moving to Singapore and since my Model UN competition is taking place in Paris, they decided to take a few extra days to show me around. Also, they’re still protective of me and felt that it would be best that they accompany me(I’m 18 btw).
But as the title says, my main reasoning for going was to win an award at a Model UN happening there.
The issue appeared as I noted in my family’s Whatsapp group that my dad was taking about 11 days of leave from work. This was really odd as it wasn’t communicated to me previously how long we’d be there and it was a really long time(For reference, getting to Paris, going for my MUN and getting back home is estimated to be 6 days).
Also, this trip which was starting to become more of a holiday would clash with my other responsibilities and commitments in Singapore. I’ve got an event I need to oversee operations for and another MUN I want to attend(FYI: I don’t think my parents know too well about this. As much as I love them, they sometimes only care or are proud about these things on a surface level and don’t realise how busy I am or how much effort this all takes).
I eventually discussed with them about this and I would say they seemed pretty disheartened that I didn’t want to go on a holiday. They scheduled it so that I could spend 2 days in London and another 2 days in Paris to sightsee(Also, they haven’t paid for anything).
Objectively, I’d like to thing that there’s NAH as I think my parents only wanted me to enjoy myself and they didn’t realise how busy I was while I should have communicated this better. But at the same time, I’m wondering if AITA for asking them to change their plans they are making plus they are also spending money on this trip.
Tl;dr: Wanted to go overseas for competition. Parents decided to come and show me around. Trip was too long and I asked them to shorten the trip. I feel bad for asking them to change their plans plus they are also paying for everything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
4rjYYdR4MB8gdBEMp7oQPkQRQc5ARNha | 9u44gm | {
"description": "refusing to watch a Vegan documentary just because my friend asked",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For refusing to watch a Vegan documentary just because my friend asked? | First off: I have no problem with Vegans or vegetarians as I have a lot of friends who eat that way and I love how happy it makes them and how they have introduced me to lots of new foods and flavours. I will respect anyone's diet as long as they respect mine.
​
It started a few months back, my Vegan friend Ruby (alias) was crying to me over messenger about an argument she was having with our mutual friend who is am omnivore. I was comforting her and she was showing me the messages, most of it was more of a discussion about Veganism but there was one comment from Ruby that stated how she likened people who eat meat to animal abusers as they support an abusive industry. I called her out on this and her response was basically "well it's true!" and I was simply trying to say that you just can't say that to your friends even if you truly believe it. We stopped the discussion there because it was close to a massive deadline and we thought it better to focus and discuss it face to face.
​
Months went by, the animal abuse comment was stuck in my head but we all got on and everything was fine for the most part until 2 months ago. Ruby watched this documentary showing the horrors of the meat and dairy industry called "Dominion". She sent me the link and asked me to watch it, she did say she would even give me the 80p it would cost to rent but it was 2 hours long. I watched the trailer and got the gist about what it was trying to show. I could have lied and said "yes" knowing full well I wouldn't and I was also really pissed about the animal abuse comment that I genuinely felt like I was being bombarded by her views and if I had a different view point then she would blow up at me. It almost felt like she was putting conditions on the friendship: I turn Vegan/vegetarian or I am a horrible person who she doesn't want to be friends with. So that is why I said no and it started an argument. I listened to her viewpoints and even spent a good few hours researching it all myself to get a rounded view and came to the conclusion that we should be more careful about where meat comes from but to me the answer isn't for the world to immediately switch to a vegetarian diet (I can update with my list of reasons if anyone is that concerned). I managed to calm her but then said that she shouldn't expect people to watch a 2 hour documentary just because she asked and I called her approach aggressive which to me it was. She blew up again and started shouting a lot of things at me over messenger. I simply tried to apologise for offending her while also defending my stance to which her final comments were along the lines of "You should be the one apologising because you are an animal abuser!"
​
We have had no contact since, I am unsure how much I want to save the friendship but what I do care about is not being able to see the rest of my friends in the friendship group because she will be there. I also felt like some of my friends didn't give me much sympathy making me think I was actually in the wrong and should have just watched the documentary. If I did that then I would still be reeling over the animal abuse comment and nothing would have changed. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wRzopmo6LwDvsA9c2F3JUXuyqYF5ss12 | b8lrjz | {
"description": "wanting to stop my autistic cousin from seeing my dog",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to stop my autistic cousin from seeing my dog? | Hello all. This is a throwaway and also my first time posting on this sub so bear with me.
I moved out of my mums home a few months ago and into a new apartment with my best friend and the family dog in tow as my mum can no longer look after him on her own. She was understandably upset so we assured her that she is more than welcome to come and visit him any time she likes.
Last week I came home after class to kill some time before work to find my mum, aunt and friend chatting in the kitchen which was a nice surprise. I was a bit worried though since my dog didn't come to greet me at the door like he usually does. Turns out he was in the living room with my cousin chasing a laser pen around, so I left them to it. After a while I heard my dog bark which immediately set off alarm bells in my head because he only ever barks when someone is being aggressive or when the intercom buzzes. I went to see what was going on and my dog was sitting in the corner of the room whimpering and my cousin was sitting on the floor smiling to himself which creeped me out a little. I asked him what happened, no answer. I told him it's probably best if he went and sat with his mum, he left without a word and my dog came up to me with his tail wagging. I was confused to say the least.
Yesterday my cousin came to me after he finished school because his mum had to work. He started asking me if he could walk the dog by himself, after I told him no he started getting insistent, bordering on a tantrum. I told him that if he stops, he can play on the PS4 and come with me to take the dog out after dinner. That shuts him up for a while. Then I hear him running around. He was literally running around with my dog in his arms which really pissed me off because my dog was fast asleep not 5 minutes ago and doesn't like being picked up (he's been told this multiple times). Plus the fact my dog is old, 13 going on 14 now. I raised my voice at him a little, telling him that if he carries on like this I won't allow him to see my dog any more. He drops my dog and he hits the ground hard and runs to my room. My cousin has a tantrum, tries to run to my room and I have to grab his arm to stop him.
When his mum comes to pick him up he leaves without a word. Well, this morning I got a call from my aunt telling me that I was out of order, he doesn't understand because he's autistic etc... and I told her that I can't have him here if he's going to continue with that kind of behaviour. She called me rude and selfish and hung up.
Am I being an asshole??? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 58,
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} | RIGHT |
oqbCrgCAfJ31XqdGgrslDKo70BcPCmZ3 | aidxua | {
"description": "breaking it off",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking it off | My boyfriend (now-ex) called me last night saying that we had fundamental differences that would make the relationship not work out in the future. One of his daughters brought up recently that she wanted to go to church and he decided he wants to do so again. He wants someone who will go hand in hand with him with religion. I told him that I've been religious before and I never stopped believing in God so I'll give it a shot for him and all I'll ask is that he keep an open mind for discussions since he said he doesn't believe in homosexuality or evolution and I do believe in those and I'm bisexual which he knew going into the relationship.
I called him today to break things off another giving it a lot of thought. He always texts me good morning. Today, it was silence. I got the feeling that he didn't want this relationship. Will, on the phone he said that he loves me and wants to stay friends and see how things end up. I feel like he's giving mixed signals to me. He also said he had a long conversation with someone recently about this who told him to bring this up with me. I've noticed him being distant with me lately and was going to bring it up but it made sense when he told me all this.
He said he's going to miss me everyday and it'll take him years to move on. I think he knows he's making the biggest mistake of his life considering his exes all cheated on him and I'm as loyal as they come. We went from wanting build a future and being in love to this in a week. I don't know how to feel or what to think anymore. I'm having a hard time distracting myself and a part of me feels like I'm giving up on a relationship wuthour fighting for it. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had who's treated me better than any other guy. I just don't know where to go with all this.
Tl;Dr
My boyfriend decided he wants to rekindle his religion to the extreme bible thumper kind and that I don't fit in the picture even though he claims he loves me and will miss me everyday. I broke it off after sleeping on it because the way he says things makes me feel unwanted. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IrSnTiNXcqrV9YdwXN36gGWgMkP1XnAk | b4phmd | {
"description": "sending away a family member at my mother's wake",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for sending away a family member at my mother's wake? | Backstory: My mother died of a relapse of leukaemia not long ago. Prior to her relapse, she had a run in with this cousin at another family members wake. This cousin was rude, verbally and emotionally abusive and caused my mother no amount of hurt, she embarrassed her in front of the mourners and belittled her to the point where mammy had to leave.
In the past, this cousin also verbally and physically publically attacked my father in an attempt to defame and slander him, she emotionally abused my mother and accused her of theft and attempted to chastise child me for not speaking to her when she knew that I knew all this had been going on.
My mother passed away recently after a relatively short but absolutely brutal relapse of leaukaemia that no one saw coming. On the first night of her wake, I knew this particular cousin would show, so I sent word round the men that she was not to be let in.
No one in the family can stand her for all the lies she has told over the years, her general behaviour and a load more indecent incidents that I wont list here; so there were no shortage of volunteers for the task.
Well I was proven right, she showed up with her sisters in tow and was politely told at the front gate that she wasn't welcome.
Her sister asked if it was all of their family, to which she was told no, just THAT cousin.
This went down quite badly, and long story short, they stormed off.
When I carried my mother's coffin to the car, my 80 year old grandfather seen that cousins brother and put his hand out for a handshake (which was difficult as he is very weak) ...cousins brother never took it, kept his hand in his pocket and just looked at my grandfather. My grandfather is 80, has become very frail over the years and was burying his only child.
I've had no dealings with any of them since.
Now some months have passed and some of the family have said i was too harsh and should have allowed that cousin to pay her "respects". But for the life if me I cant see how! My mammy didn't like her; for good reason, and would have turned in her coffin at the thought of that cow gawking at her, spinning her lies and trying to emotionally manipulate people into 'donating' to her fund to send her away for 'special treatment' for her 'terminal tumour'...(its been going on so long the fucking thing could have gotten its national insurance number years back!)
It wouldn't be the first time she has done this at the wake of a cancer victim and I'd be damned if she was pulling it at my mams!
So there we have it. Was I the asshole? Should I have allowed her to 'say goodbye'? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6aUsgzYQG0ezF57wLOjhpfV4JSkd06vS | avzc6q | {
"description": "telling my husband he can't do drugs",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my husband he can't do drugs? | For a bit of background, we are in our late twenties, married for a year (together for 3), and do not use drugs recreationally. He was a major stoner in his early twenties and has never tried anything else. He is a very paranoid person and has night terrors several times a week (and a whole lot of sleep talking) which I suspect could have been aggravated more by smoking weed all day for years.
He has approached me telling me he wants to try mushrooms for weeks now to apparently improve himself (anecdotal evidence supposedly) and even slipped out he might do LSD this weekend. He can't explain where he has found this new motivation for taking drugs but I am 100% against it.
I have flat out told him no, he can't take them, and I worry that anything new he might have might affect him poorly as he can't predict what's going to happen. I don't want him to think I am open minded in allowing him to try one drug just for him to eventually downward spiral into trying a whole lot of other drugs.
I feel like there's no room to compromise on the topic of drugs if the other half says no. He subsequently threw back at me that its the same situation where I want to have weight loss surgery done because he's not fully comfortable with that either... I don't think they're comparable.
Am I being an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
gYEhmyVfenj99dnpyFGrkhPc31TdCEZA | b7sjjq | {
"description": "not giving someone the opportunity to save a friendship I thought was long gone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving someone the opportunity to save a friendship I thought was long gone? | Me and E were friends from 16, until I went to uni. We fell out of contact but met up whenever I was back home. We had a close group of friends, 5 of us. E and one of the guys in this group - J, started a relationship.
​
As you can expect, E and J eventually broke up, and I gathered it could be the nail in the coffin for the group, and an opportunity to grow up and leave teen drama behind. I remained amicable with everyone individually.
​
I tried to meet up with E once I’d moved home from uni this past summer, but only got “I’ll see my work rota” the three times I attempted to make plans. So, I kind of assumed she’d moved on and I decided to do so as well.
​
I met up with J and A (another girl from the group) over Xmas and was told a lot about E - basically why the relationship with J ended. It confirmed to me that my decision to move on from my friendship with E was best for me and my mental health.
​
I had an amazing time with J and A, and we organised plans the first moment we discussed it - a stark contrast to my situation with E.
​
Fast forward to now. E messages to tell me my sister’s fiancée was in a nightclub she was at. I didn’t bother replying, I felt no need. Couple hours later I get a message saying “are you not talking to me or something?”
​
Oh. I decide to just be upfront and tell E that I hope she’s doing okay and that I was disappointed our plans to meet up never really came to fruition. I told her I felt I’d moved on and wished her the best.
​
She replies and says I jumped to conclusions, thought the worst, and could have said something sooner. I clarified that I didn’t feel respected, and got the impression she’d moved on (she now has a new boyfriend, who I mentioned I’d like to meet, and found out she had already introduced him to me as her "gay friend" - a lie).
​
She accused me of playing the victim, and rattled off a laundry list of difficult family issues she’s been dealing with, quick to mention that she “hopes I never have to experience it.” She’s right, the issues are awful and I feel sorry for her.
​
However, I feel she has only mentioned these things as a sheild for valid concerns and the way I feel. Either way, I sent her my condolences, and mentioned that it was probably for the best for both of us to leave the conversation there.
​
Yet to receive a response but I’m curious as to whether I’m being too blunt here? Our friendship was a bit superficial (in contrast to my friendship with J and A which feels genuine)
​
I've reflected on our friendship a lot; I was always beneath her. Any problem I had, she had one x10 harder. She never listened to "whatever I was upset about." She'd mock my music taste, interests, education choices. I think she has some narcissistic tendencies.
​
I’ve moved on and I want little more to do with her - AITA for not giving her an opportunity to make amends when I know they’d be futile? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
Izevv5M1jvGBvQfKPlX3Tlp2OaaDe8KG | a80p8t | {
"description": "not changing my plans around my family coming to stay",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not changing my plans around my family coming to stay? | First of all you'll need to know all that I have planned in the days running up to new years eve.
So my girlfriend lives a couple of hours from me and for the past year we have been making it work long distance. This Christmas I have bought a train ticket to go and stay with her for two nights, which will be 2 months from when I last saw her. My train home departs at 7 pm and is due back in the city near where I live at 10.30 pm, which leaves time before I leave for a dinner which her Mother is going to prepare for her extended family (Cousins, Aunts and Uncles), and me -It might also be worth adding that her family have all been wanting to meet me for several months now. The day after I get back I have to go to work from \~9.30 am until 6.30 pm, and then I will be going straight to a birthday celebration with my close friend which is already pre-booked and paid for, and I'd be getting home fairly late from that as well. The following day is new years eve. I will need to revise a lot during the day to make up for the lack over the days before as I have exams beginning the first week of January, and then I had planned on going out with friends for at least part of the night (although nothing specific yet). **My parents knew about all of the plans I had made**.
Some time in the last couple of weeks, well after all of those plans had been made my parents invited my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin to stay with us, arriving on the day I am due to come back from my girlfriend's, and leaving two nights later before new years eve. My parents are trying to make me change my train time and leave several hours earlier so that I will be home in the early evening, missing the dinner my girlfriends Mother is planning, and losing hours of time together that really is precious to both me and her because we get so little of it at the moment. I thought about it and offered to move the train 1 or 2 hours earlier which would mean I would miss some or all of the dinner but would be home with enough time to spend some with my family that night, but my parents still insist they want me to leave much earlier, around mid day or early afternoon, missing the meaningful majority of a day that I planned to spend with my girlfriend and her family. I thought about it some more and decided that would not rearrange plans I had made months before that are so important to me for the sake of one evening with my aunt and uncle when they are staying with us for more than one night. Surely the plans I committed to first, which my parents were well aware of, get to take priority?
AITA for not wanting to leave early? I thought that maybe I was for not wanting to spend more time with my own family who unfortunately will see little of me while they are here because of all the things I have going on. I think it would be unfortunate that they wont see me much, but it isn't my fault because all of this was planned first. What do you guys think?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
bhAtEcxNHxSggpPJnSm9R4I3TcrYyjpH | b40agf | {
"description": "getting shitty at my husband for shoving the sick cat",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting shitty at my husband for shoving the sick cat? | We have three cats, one is 9 years old, and the other two are 1 and a bit, siblings. The youngest and smallest (already very little and super weak) has been sick this week, at the vet (at great expense) on a drip and kept over night because of some nasty bacteria in his guts. Husband took Monday morning off to help with the vet etc, but since has been working full time. I've taken almost 4 days off my work to look after the sick cat, vet check ups and visits daily, pills, ear drops, monitor it, etc. I love the cat. He is everything.
So, tonight, as the sick cat was crossing a pillow, (that the cat was clearly crossing, not settling at all) my husband suddenly wrenched the pillow out from under the cat, letting it fall and flail. I said "oh my gosh, don't do that! He isn't well! What's wrong with you?!"... He said "well he is a cat, he should get used to it" !....
Im furious.
In anger, I said that the next vet visit for the cat should be by him, since he has time to shove sick animals, and has zero respect for the animal or myself for the hours of visits, waiting, wrestling, Stress... Etc. The next visit it tomorrow, and I'm sleeping in the spare room tonight. Should I be this pissed off or am I being melodramatic and the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nTjfesqOyDbJ4EHpmfVc6H4szAQ66Y04 | amm0qp | {
"description": "not wanting my sibling at my graduation",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my sibling at my graduation? | (Background) I have a lot of half siblings, but I didn’t grow up with any of them.
Recently one of my older siblings (OS) came back into the family. OS is 10+ years older than me, knew I was alive and told my dad they didn’t want to be apart of the family and lived with their mother. Their reason was because of my dad, but they never once made an effort to have a relationship with me or even talk to me. My dad is old and sick and now OS wants to be in the family. My dad asked me to make an effort to include OS and I have; I have visited OS multiple times, called OS to talk and get to know each other and tried to form a relationship. But every time it was always me reaching out to OS, never the other way around. The only time OS comes to see us, is when my dad is paying for it. Anytime he doesn’t pay, OS declines the trip (OS lives in another state).
(Now)
I never wanted to attend my graduation, but my parents asked me too. I agreed to do it for them but I told them I didn’t want it to be a big deal. They asked me who I wanted to be present and I said “my parents and two of my siblings” the two being the only ones that make an effort to have a relationship with me. My parents agreed and it was all set.
Fast forward to a month before graduation, my dad asks me “how would you feel if I flew down OS for your graduation as a surprise” I said I wouldn’t like that. I didn’t give my reasons but they are: he can’t afford to keep spending money on OS, I have ZERO relationship with them and I already asked for this to not be a big deal. I also was starting to suspect the only reason OS was talking to us was money. It pissed me off that my graduation would become an “all-expenses paid trip” for them. I also didn’t want the day to turn into all about OS and welcoming OS and making OS feel good about themselves. If OS really wanted to attend my graduation, they would of paid for themselves and came or even asked ME if they could come. They never once said a word to me about my upcoming graduation.
My dad was furious with me. He picked a fight with me everyday during the week leading up to it and finally he told me that I was selfish for not wanting OS there. He said “how dare you reject my child”. I retorted that he was the one being selfish and thinking of himself and OS when it was MY graduation.
This has been a subject of tension for a while. Apparently he had told OS to come to my graduation and then had to tell OS they couldn’t come. He says I was a selfish asshole when honestly I don’t think I was. It’s not my fault he promised OS something before asking me.
So, am I the asshole?
If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading.
TLDR: half sibling I have no relationship with, that turned up into my life 8 months prior to graduation, was promised a free trip to my graduation by my dad. I told my dad I didn’t want them there, and he called me a selfish asshole.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
kPj662Z6cDDKFpnkrquN2Y6W70MjSUcV | atq2l6 | {
"description": "making fun of my fellow debater's weight",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for making fun of my fellow debater’s weight | Now I definitely know your reaction right off the bat, you must be thinking wow this guy is such an asshole but hear me out. I’m going to give the girl (16F) a made up name of Jasmine.
I (15M) take debate in high school and am extremely competitive, and in my debate team is a girl (16F) who is good in her own respective right at debate. In my debate team we all share a group chat in which we discuss about things related to Debate or sometimes talk about other things which are not related. So basically this is how it played out, one day the girl let’s say Jasmine kicked one of my friends out of the group chat simply because she got pissed about a joke he made. She proceeded to tell everyone not to add him back, so I obviously added him back and removed her. Jasmine ends up rejoining a hour later through an invite from one of her friends and goes complete bonkers. She starts talking trash about me and my friend and says that we are “pussies” and that we shouldn’t mess with her. I then proceed to write a comeback which I’ll admit was a bit mean typing, “Pfft you fighting me, if you even move one step the whole building will collapse.” Obviously Jasmine who was overweight got really upset over this and started crying, all the people in the chat then proceeded to rant about how much of a dick I was and how I went too far.
I honestly don’t know if I’m the asshole or if she is I know I may have gone too far with the whole overweight joke but still she did a lot of shit too. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
zL80Oezahhk1GOJF2wdZgqiQf9a0MRLv | amqqm2 | {
"description": "wanting my friend to get fired after getting her the job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my friend to get fired after getting her the job? | First post here! I apologize for any spelling errors/length of this post. I’m typing on my phone!
Some backstory - this girl was my close friend in high school. We had a falling out towards the end of high school.
Fast forward a few years later, we had made up and everything was cool between us. At this point, I had been working retail for a company we both love for about a year (I’m not sure I can say as I don’t want to risk getting in trouble - I’ll say that it’s a store that can be seen as a children’s store.. this is important). We both had loved this company since children and it was one of the things that always bonded us. She really hated her current job at the time, and I decided to help out since she always said she would love to work there.
I told her to apply, and told my manager about her and how I felt she’d be a good fit for the store. I hyped her up for the interview, and she got it! We were both really excited and I was really happy for her as she did seem genuinely excited.
Fast forward 2 months later and pretty much all of our coworkers dislike her and complain to me about her. They all say that she complains constantly, is too slow on cash, comes in late or misses shifts altogether. She also complains about how “far away” she lives from the store (20 minute bus ride..) which doesn’t make sense to me since she knew where she was applying. I keep telling them to speak with management if they really are so upset, as there’s nothing I can do (they probably just want to rant without actually causing a problem).
Now I’ve been in the hot seat before with management and know that it isn’t fun. She tends to get nervous in those situations so I decided to talk about it with her, but toned it down very much. I essentially just told her that we work in an environment in which we need to be very cheerful, so you can’t really go around joking about killing yourself. This prompted her to start crying about how everyone in the store is working against her, and now she doesn’t get praised for doing things right.
Shes now been working there for 6 months, management has cut her hours due to her behaviour at work (which has of course made her complain). I feel bad since I’m the one who recommended her, despite my manager telling me he picked her to interview before my recommendation.
AITA for kind of wanting her to get fired at this point? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
v3lwO2JFWh0E6NMTghIdRpcLg5XbS82x | 9whcbg | {
"description": "\"breaking\" my ex-girlfriend's heart",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for "breaking" my ex-girlfriend's heart? | Backstory:
I was dating this Malay girl, we'll call her Dayana, from school last year and things were going fine. Being an extrovert, I had many friends and were actually close to them.
One day, one of my closest friends Tiffany tells me that she just broke up with her ex-boyfriend and was really sad.
Knowing Dayana was a little bit possessive, I asked her for permission whether I could spend some time walking around with Tiffany to make her feel better during the day. Dayana said okay with no hesitation, showing no disapproval nor any sarcasm.
A few days later, she started becoming cold and ignoring me, before suddenly breaking up. This was really devastating as I was already going through a lot of pains. We then lost contact until about last week.
She messages me that she has some new boyfriend that "treats her well" and isn't an asshole. I was clueless. I asked her what she meant and she said that her new boyfriend doesn't "go out with other girls while he has a girlfriend".
Now now, I'm very sure that Tiffany was the only girl I went outside(physically) with, and there was only one occasion. So I asked her whether she was talking about Tiffany.
Her response: **blueticks**
Knowing her, this meant yes. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rpHdqtbT93Exdq56fkoM7GtDHjZf3SjN | aqriw0 | {
"description": "sitting at a red light right turn after the car behind me honked",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for sitting at a red light right turn after the car behind me honked? | So right now in California it is rainy like crazy. It normally doesn't rain this much and so a lot of drivers are very comfortable in the rain and accidents increase like crazy. I was sitting at a red light creeping out to make a right turn. The intersection I was at is at the bottom of a hill with the cars going down the hill with the green light.
I'm trying to be cautious because I can't afford an accident and accident sucks so I'm slowly peaking out. I didn't want to go unless I know it's 100% clear because the roads are slippery, these cars are coming down the hill, and my car doesn't accelerate fast. There were a few cars that made a turn instead of going straight at the light, but they didn't turn on their signal so I didn't want to chance. As I'm watching another car come down the hill and make a turn without a signal, the car behinds me honk. It's been a long day and I'm annoyed so my petty ass decided to sit at the light until I had an actual green light. This angered the guy as he tried to creep up to scare me into going, but I'm stubborn and so I sat there until the light changed. We turned, he got really close, flipped me off and sped off (to another red light LOL).
I know I shouldn't engage with people who are road raging and I'm sure it's petty but does that make me an asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
WBWsrGByoNvHzJ87APJgVjnrECYX8GIP | atjw28 | {
"description": "feeling like grandparents are supposed to die",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for feeling like grandparents are SUPPOSED to die? | I understand it’s hard to lose a family member, and many times the circumstances make the death even harder. But AITA for feeling like you don’t need to overreact to it? They’re old. They’ve been old for probably a good portion of your life. They’ve got to see their GRANDCHILDREN be born, they had a good life.
I may also feel like this because my father died at a young age from a long battle with cancer so I feel that’s definitely prepared me for death. I honestly didn’t even cry when I found out my grandfather had died last year. I understand death is a part of life and have watched someone die painfully.
AITA for feeling this way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
8VONyo5KBk511rH4iDolNO7nwj4JHXSg | b9q44y | {
"description": "controlling our life decisions",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for controlling our life decisions | Got married 6 years ago. Love marriage and all. Everything seemed perfect. 3 months into the marriage, we found out that my wife was pregnant. We were elated.
At 8 months of pregnancy, we discovered some complications. We were forced to fly back home where more complications were discovered, and we were told our child would only survive a few hours.
Our daughter turned 5 (years old) a few months back. She suffers from a rare genetic disorder which translates into various mental and physical anomalies.
The first 2 years was spent keeping her alive with minimal intervention. We burned through all our savings. I stopped working & became her primary caretaker. Our marriage took a hit since we both were still reeling from the whole situation.
The past 3 years, our daughter has been relatively stable. We've been fixing our marriage & I've started working part time. We're slowly & steadily building up savings.
Three years ago, my wife started talking about having a second child. I told her it wasn't the best time since we were still trying to ascertain the syndrome our daughter suffered from through genetic testing. The results would help us ascertain the probability of the second child suffering the same. That due to logistical reasons only got done partially & hit the back burner.
A year later, my wife brought up the topic again & I said it would make sense once we got healthier. Both of us had gained 10 kilos due to improper sleep & stress related binge eating. Our knees had started to hurt. Both of us failed to lose any weight.
So last year the topic was brought up again & we decided we'd start planning once our savings hit a certain point. We reached that point in Jan this year. Perfect you'd think. Nope. My wife was handed a 40% pay cut in Feb which literally wipes out the money we were saving every month. Last month was the first time our expenses were greater than our income.
My wife believes she can quit her job & freelance. She believes that together we’d be able to make more than we are right now. I completely agree but I’m afraid of the risks of it not working out. Additionally, we get health insurance through my wife’s company. If we were to get insurance on our own, we’d be paying a premium which would be at least 5 times higher. That single cost would wipe out 30% of our savings.
So, the plan in my head is to stick to what we are doing & find ways of reducing our expenses.
My wife thinks I’m a coward.
She thinks I worry too much & that things will fall into place. That a second child would be good for us & maybe bring some normalcy in our life.
I’d love a second child, but I don’t want it to be at the cost of our daughter's comfort. I know I spend too much time worrying about our daughter, but I’m afraid she’d out live us.
AITA?
**TL; DR: Trying to control our marriage because I’m worried we're not doing enough for the future of our handicapped daughter.** | HISTORICAL | {
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xzizKUbKquHVJFOQKNSQiYKIpLtei6Cq | akvftn | {
"description": "getting upset at my sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting upset at my sister? | My sister and little brother were visiting, and were in a different room than me, but I was right next to them. My sister started bashing her ex-boyfriend right in front of my little brother and laughing about how he didn't go to college because all he wanted in life was to be a mechanic, but now he can't find a job due to an honest mistake. She was telling my brother about how he has no dreams anymore and how great that was. The worst part is, my little brother was agreeing with her because he spends a lot of time with her and he's pretty young, so very impressionable.
After listening to this for a while, I snapped and told her how upset I was that she thinks someone's life and dream goals being ruined was "funny" and "deserving". She started to yell at me, and I won't lie, I started to yell back. I just want to know if I'm in the wrong here or if I should apologize. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
RuV7bcCX5wvlxxOhTsyOyaJxkpphxKPQ | aryrv8 | {
"description": "not liking my best friends fiancé",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not liking my best friends fiancé? | So about a year and a half ago, I moved to a new town to get an apartment with my best friend. A bit of background, my friend (let’s call him Phil) and I met in our first year of high school and have been really close since then.
In our High school years Phil began to date a girl at our school (let’s call her Mandy). Phil and Mandy were always very private and didn’t seem to have much interest in anyone else when they were around each other and while I felt that I was very close to Phil, I really knew next to nothing about Mandy.
So after we graduated I left the state for school and Phil began at a state university, we still Skype and play video games and I hang out with him whenever I’m home on break.
After my sophomore year I decided I missed my home state and my friends and I begin to make plans to transfer to Phil’s school. After we’ve moved in together it’s great, but I still feel awkward around Mandy.
In the time that we’ve now lived together I feel like it’s become more of an underlying issue. Mandy lives about two and half hours away and Phil texts and Skyped with her daily and drives to see her every other weekend (I have no problems with this, he’s got his own life) Now What has started to get under my skin is that when Mandy is over at our apartment, I feel like we’re back in high school and I’m not even there. I absolutely think they deserve their privacy and I don’t feel like I need to be a part of what they are doing but I hoped that maybe we could be over the high school bullshit and that after all these years they can’t manage to make the effort to acknowledge my existence really stings.
Phil will now try to invite me along if they are going out to eat but I’ve started declining after we did that and Mandy didn’t say anything the whole time and I felt that I spoiled the mood.
Over this past Valentine’s Day Phil proposed while visiting Mandy, something he’d told me he’s been planning on doing for some time. Phil has talked to me about being his best man and while the idea of being there for him is something that’s important to me, the idea of being at a wedding where I probably won’t be acknowledged by half the couple sounds like hell. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uYGjRqeF3MeOoAQtuyy9LZNv7mbMlF7E | b2eisz | {
"description": "not wanting a life saturated with tv and video games",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting a life saturated with TV and video games? | Boyfriend living with me. When his 7yo son comes over, he does nothing but watch TV and play video games. He arrives and immediately walks over and turns the TV on. It then stays on until he goes to bed at 10pm (which I think is late for his age). He wakes up in the morning and, before even going to the bathroom, walks out and turns the TV on. And it stays on literally until 10pm. We live in an apartment, so having that on all the time is really intrusive. I have to encourage/nag my boyfriend to have anything else happen like go outside, color or play games/toys. I've expressed my frustration and concern, and suggested 'family' reading time, but my boyfriend said he thinks that the mental skills his son is learning playing video games is more important than books that are going away because of technology. His son is almost impossible to get to do anything else; he never wants to go and gets grumpy. (Which is another issue- I believe it's a parent's job to give kids as many experiences as possible. But he always asks his son. Occasional choices are good IMO, but letting a child decide everything I just don't get. And the son always says no.) Even trying to watch a kids movie if he's not interested in it, he wants his cell phone. Am I the asshole for wanting to have some peace and quiet and other activities than video games and TV? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
0ZaDqYoSDCT18iAb5i3KtiCN7oNaOZG4 | awur4p | {
"description": "not wanting to talk",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not wanting to talk? | I (38m) have a routine in the morning typically where on my drive to work I keep it completely silent in the car (1hr commute). This helps me mentally prepare for the day where interaction with others is constant from the moment I step into the office to when I leave.
Also, every other Sunday I get a haircut from my barber of 20+ years. I have the same routine going there as well. He typically opens early for me so I can get my fade in before I start my day. Him and I also have this relationship where we don’t speak throughout the haircut.
I’m an introvert deep within but have to be an extrovert for work and in front of friends. It’s physically and mentally exhausting so I enjoy the time to really prepare and enjoy the pure silence of things.
So today my wife (37F) tags along with me and wants to chat the whole time there (20min drive). I really didn’t respond to her the whole drive and she got annoyed I wasn’t interacting. I told her I just wanted to relax this morning and didn’t explain why (even though I did in my head). She also got annoyed at the barber shop on why I wouldn’t interact with my barber.
I should have gone alone but now I just seem like TA. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
QPazupbzGuHDkQif4Y8vHZ5SlWo3VH9C | b2ud00 | {
"description": "exposing my roommate and his gf",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I exposed my roommate and his gf | Context: I live in a pseudo-campus, like regular campus but more services and more rules to follow. For example girls and boys cant sleep together (or you'll get kicked)
So there is my roommate, an ok person BUT I cant communicate with him in any way. I have just been asking him for the past months to keep his sh%% clean.
He won't wash the dishes until he run out of them, won't dump the garbage until theres no room left and all the shit roommate thing. But thats not all
3 months ago he got his new gf, who his as stinky and naughty as him, and they directly started living together. They produce loads of trash that sits there for weeks, and there's a ton of trash everywhere everytime. I asked them more than once to PLEASE take at least the trash out every other day but ignored.
I'm really pissed because I always keep all my stuff in place and I also have people that comes over.
I didnt want to come to this but since 3 4 days ago there is this shit stink of fish everywhere in the house, and that's not even bothering them. Since im really fed up, I will just expose them as soon as I get home and eradicate this problem.
WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 11,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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} | RIGHT |
ha0pyDAxqKrprG9rKJgOLjYHct1oWdCv | b5lpyh | {
"description": "telling my brother and his friend to be quiet",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my brother and his friend to be quiet? | It's Monday night. My brother invites his co-workers and some friends over to my house at around 2130 hours. I know because I woke up to loud chattering.
My wife tells me to let it go and just let them be. I say fine and try to go back to sleep. Three hours later I wake up again. This time they're even louder than before and I snap! I have work at 5 and need to be up at 330 to prep.
Now I'm mad. I storm out my room in my boxers, I see that they've been drinking, and confront my brother and his friend and tell them to be quiet or have them go home.
My brother and I have this heated argument in my living room, wife comes and breaks it up.
My brother and his friend all muttered something under their breath as I head back my room and then left few minutes after.
So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uY1HSYTxIsoplRWNbJznJJK9Bk1u2HCI | b0d9fo | {
"description": "being annoyed with a bad smell",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being annoyed with a bad smell? | Some background information to start off with. My (23M) sister (30F) got really sick while abroad and ended up in hospital for just under a year. This resulted in her losing some memory of parts of her life, but she still remembers the basics like herself, people she knows, etc. It’s also slightly affected her short term memory and she sometimes struggles to form sentences. She also suffers from seizures a couple times a week, varying in intensity. She lives a slightly less than normal lifestyle due to her condition.
Our mum believes in using Chinese medicine to help her condition improve. I do not believe in the benefits of using that medication (I wouldn’t even use the word medicine to be honest) and think it is a waste of money (Around £30 a day). My sister does still use normal western medication.
My problem is that when the Chinese medicine is brewed, it produces an extremely potent smell that is not at all pleasant. This smell spreads through the house if the extractor fan is not on and some windows are not opened. I’ve repeatedly asked my mum and my sister to at least keep the kitchen doors closed so the smell isn’t too strong around the house. The smell also gets into my clothes, especially if they are hanging to dry.
Am I overreacting here? Should I accept this happening? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
ACq5V5aC0FPGqUqFt6RuftzQxSbpEfYo | a3v7d7 | {
"description": "my girlfriend thinking I find her unattractive",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For my girlfriend thinking I find her unattractive? | My friends and I (and my girlfriend) are in a discord server together. In this server we have a bit which allows you to post a random image from a subreddit. Being a bunch of teenage boys, you can imagine what this bot is used for. Prior to dating my girlfriend I used this bot to post some NSFW images to the channel. The issue here is that I picked the subreddit r/redheads. After I began dating my girlfriend I didn't use this feature in our discord. So a few months go by and my friend decided to give my girlfriend access to the chat this bot was in. She looked at what I had posted and got upset with me (she is blonde). Since then for the past several months, my girlfriend, most days, messages me constantly saying that I don't find her attractive. Whenever I try to compliment her or say that I do find her attractive she always says something along the lines of "N o, you like gingers." I constantly reassure her and attempt to compliment her as much as I can. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
z1PSB0j2ySQBxVhnK4DiTbO5bkODR197 | agovm1 | {
"description": "walking away",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for walking away? | A few nights ago while sleeping next to a long-term FWB I walked away and we got into a pretty solid fight. AMTA for walking away?
​
What happened was we went out to dinner (he paid) then we got a few drinks then went to his place. We started watching Dumb and Dumber, but shortly after started the movie I got sleepy and rolled over. He, annoyed, said, "I turned on a movie and you're not going to watch it?" I replied with "I'm kind sleepy but I'm still listening to it" He shuts it off and starts playing music pretty loudly on his phone. We've had a few issues within the past couple of weeks and this made me really upset. I'm so mad, that lieu of telling him how I feel, or asking him to turn the music down I calmly say, tell him I'm going to sleep downstairs. I go to the couch and get comfy, he comes downstairs three times and wakes me up. I say, I don't think it's the best idea to talk about this when we've both been drinking and that yes, I am upset but I'd like to get some sleep and talk about it in the morning. He says that's not acceptable. How dare I have him pay for dinner and then treat him like that. Why am I creating a problem instead of just talking to him? Then, after him waking me up for the third time I snapped at him, I say, I know that playing music isn't a big deal but I'm so mad at you I don't want to get into it at 2:30 in the morning when we've both been drinking! I just want to get some sleep! Took an Uber home. AMTA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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JJjx0SxpcfwqJO9e36S89GNGvx1eIOlU | ab7b3d | null | AITA x 3 questions: 1) AITA for going back to work earlier than my wife wanted, given our situation? 2) AITA for not spending as much time as my wife thinks I should to see our daughter in NICU? 3) AITA for trying to fit some recreational time into the schedule to help with stress levels? | My current situation is somewhat complex, so apologies in advance for the long read.
The background story, as succinctly as I can manage, is as follows, with a tl;dr at the very bottom of the story (prior to my AITA questions):
My wife and I were expecting our baby daughter to come in late January, but she was too excited to meet us I guess, as she decided to come early in late October. Our premature princess was born at \~28 weeks, and went straight into the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), where she currently still is.
The delivery process itself wasn't smooth either, as we were trying to stall the progression while the corticosteroid injection helped baby's lungs to mature more before delivery, and we opted for a C-section as the ObGyn suggested this was the less risky option for the baby to be delivered safely without complications. Unfortunately, my wife's epidural chose the C-section time to stop working, and she had to be put under general anesthesia, which meant she was unconscious and I wasn't allowed to be in the OR when our daughter was born.
My wife also said afterwards that although she couldn't move and didn't feel pain, she was actually aware ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anesthesia\_awareness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anesthesia_awareness)) during the procedure and could hear the conversations being had. We also had another unfortunate complication in that her post-op recovery wasn't normal, as one of her legs temporarily lost function and wasn't able to move as well as the other after the surgery. This required a one-week hospital stay to gradually gain enough function back that she could mobilize safely on her own, then another 4 weeks-ish before she was back to \~90% normal function, and only in the last 2 weeks has she been more or less independent in movement with enough endurance to be able to drive herself to the hospital to visit our daughter in NICU. Prior to this, she would have to wait until I was off work before we would go together to the hospital.
Other relevant background info is relating to my work situation. Being a family doctor, I have a relatively stable/flexible occupation in my workplaces. The clinics have patients who do rely on me for their well-being, but no one is critically ill, and I have colleagues who could cover me in a pinch, or the patients can have patience (my usual line when I'm running behind during the workday), and wait until I was back at work later on. I also teach medical school students in small-group sessions, so have scheduled teaching sessions where they would have to find a back-up tutor if I cancel on short notice, or they would need to reschedule those students. Lastly, the aesthetics clinics I work at definitely have clients who expect I be there on their scheduled appointment availabilities, otherwise they might just go elsewhere for their Botox/filler needs, and not come back to the clinic again. I'm extremely unlikely to be fired from any of these jobs for taking a certain amount of time off on short notice, but the longer I take off, the greater the impact on the job itself as well as others relying on me being present.
Currently, our daughter has progressed reasonably well in NICU, with only a few minor hiccups/obstacles here and there, but is otherwise healthy and on track for a late January discharge, which we are very thankful for. Needless to say, the last 2 months have been the most stressful time of my life, which is saying a lot given my occupation/training. Despite the hecticness, I haven't missed a day seeing our daughter in the NICU, and on most days spend at least 3 hours there, and up to 6-7 hours on the days where I don't have work. The NICU nurses are excellent and provide 24/7 care (makes me extra appreciative to have the Canadian healthcare system, otherwise I'd be close to bankrupt by now probably), which means that when we go, we help out with some tasks like diaper changes and feeding, to build some normalcy in the situation, but even if we aren't there these tasks are done by the nurses.
One of the additional difficulties with this kind of situation is that being at the NICU means I have less time outside of work hours to complete tasks, which includes completing patient charts/records in a timely fashion, completing invoices for the aesthetics clinic owners that I work on a revenue split for (I'm now 3 months behind, meaning I haven't been paid for that work yet, technically), buying/assembling furniture and other baby needs to get ready for baby's arrival back home, etc. There's a host of other things that also need to be done, including an ethics/legal complaint related to the hospital stay, and other complex shit that happened while my wife was in hospital, but all that would likely be another Reddit post later when I have time for it. Additionally, due to the stress of everything, recreation time that usually helps me cope with stress also comes at a premium.
**TL;DR -** Premature daughter in neonatal ICU following C-section 3 months before anticipated, with maternal complications including intraoperative anesthesia awareness and leg neuropathy requiring \~1.5 months for functional recovery. Daily visits to NICU means less time for other responsibilities, including work-related and life-related tasks, as well as impact on stress coping recreational activities. Occupation as a family doctor means job stability/flexibility, but impact on others if I'm not at work.
**AITA questions**:
1) My wife was frustrated with me for returning to work earlier than she wanted me to. I took 95% of the week off during the time she was in hospital, spending essentially the entire day to be in hospital with her to aid in her mobility/ambulation/activities of daily living, and slept on the pull-out couch in her room every night. I went to 1 teaching session that kept me off-site for \~4 hours, as it was too short notice to reschedule easily. The week after my wife was discharged and at home with an easier time completing daily functions, I went back to work at \~75% capacity in the 1st week after discharge, and then back to full-time by the 2nd week after discharge.
**AITA** for going back to work at this pace, given the circumstances? Finances aren't an issue with savings, but the opportunity cost is also high for not going to work.
2) My wife feels that I don't want to spend as much time at the NICU as she does with our daughter, and puts pressure/guilt on me for this. I admit that I have a different perspective than she does on the situation, in that I know even if we're not there, our daughter is safe and cared for by the NICU nurses. As such, I do want to go every day to see our daughter and bond, but at this stage, it doesn't make sense for us to spend 8+ hours there, basically doing most of the NICU nurses jobs for them. My wife tried this initially as soon as she was able to get to the hospital on her own, and it exhausted her physically/mentally, to the point that I had to convince her she needed to scale back to the 3-4 hours we had usually been spending there. I recognize that caring for a child IS a 24/7 job, which will be about a 70/30 split on responsibilities when our daughter comes home, since my wife will be at home with mat leave from her job as well as taking the semester off from her school program, while I continue to go to work. However, the situation is still different slightly, as whenever babies nap, that's time that the parents are supposed to nap/complete chores/tasks, which in our situation isn't the case since we're at the NICU, not at home.
**AITA** for wanting to just go to the NICU for a few hours a day, so that the rest of the available time can be spent catching up on everything else in life that needs to be done before our daughter comes home, thus freeing more time to spend bonding with her once she is back?
3) My wife is also frustrated at me for taking more recreational time/opportunities that she thinks is needed, given the circumstances. At the end of a workday, I did feel the desire to unwind a bit, either by watching something, browsing Reddit of course, or gaming. Yes, I know I could not do this, but I'm not sure how my stress levels would be if I didn't. I also am relatively social, and would hang out with friends once or twice a week on average (used to be 4-5 times a week when I used to be single). We would usually just play card/board games and grab a bite, and I wouldn't ever get drunk or anything. Since the birth, I've only gone out 2-3 times to hang for a few hours with them on weekends, certainly less than I did before (luckily they know and understand the situation)
**AITA** for including de-stressing recreation time as part of the schedule, which does delay some of the other tasks, and how much is appropriate?
​
Thanks for the read, apologies again for the long post, and grateful for the honest opinions to give me some perspective.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
jCfR7R3Bxa13pz2nEoPVUqw6T9IrOFYn | b1wfcq | {
"description": "sharing a bed with a past crush while in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for sharing a bed with a past crush while in a relationship? | This happened a while ago but I’ve always been curious.
Backstory: I’m female and bisexual and my friend “Jen” is female and pansexual. I went to college far from home and met Jen and we instantly clicked. She was actually near where I’m from so I found comfort in her. It wasn’t until college and until I hung out with Jen more and more that I realized that I was bisexual. I developed a crush on her and although I never explicitly told her, she knew. We cuddled a lot and some people even mistook us as a couple sometimes but we never even kissed or anything. I think we both knew it was a bad idea to possibly jeopardize our friendship by getting together. Either way, I lost feelings for her toward the end when we had a falling out and I realized that I liked the idea of her but I didn’t like HER (if that makes sense). We made up eventually and planned to move into an apartment together and were gonna share a room for our sophomore year of college. We also planned to share my queen size bed together since it was too much of a hassle for her to buy her own when she didn’t have a car and my car wouldn’t fit a mattress or bed frame (my parents drove up the queen size bed for me).
Anyway I start dating a girl, “Ann,” over the summer and things are great and steady. I had told Ann everything about Jen after some time and although she was surprised at first (she had heard of Jen as my best friend but not as my past crush), she didn’t seem to make a big deal of it. After about three months, I had to go back to school (which would make us long distance). I told Ann that Jen and I were going share a bed throughout the year and she didn’t say much about it. She seemed to understand my reasoning about why, so we never discussed it further.
I ended up casually telling one of my friends about my living situation (sharing a bed) and he was surprised and said it was weird. He told me to change the genders of the situation, “Imagine if you were a guy and sharing a bed with a previous crush—isn’t that messed up for your gf?” But Ann never said anything about it and she actually met Jen and they got along (at some point the three of us ended up sharing the bed because Ann slept over a few times), so I don’t think it’s a big deal. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
t0CliR25e2ZWn7No06nJ6gEEYvLVHNSB | am6mmc | {
"description": "telling a now ex-friend how they were treating people is wrong",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a now ex-friend how they were treating people is wrong? | First-time poster here but I watch tons of reads of this and other subs so here goes. Ex-friend will be referred to T.
So about a year ago, me, T, and a few mutual friends met in an MMO where we all hung out and roleplayed our characters. T knew a couple friends longer and I had brought two of my friends in the game and we all clicked well. We had fun rping and creating stories but the longer it went on, the more T started to act depressed and all 'everybody ignores me', when they had someone basically at their call since I didn't want to see T upset. At first we all tried to reassure T, telling her that they had us so they weren't getting ignored.
More on T's character- their character had a condition that in the game should have left their character in a wheelchair in assisted living(Confirmed by a mutual friend from T's side, who played a Doctor). T didn't play their character like this, though, insisting on playing their character with the condition and getting them into fights and dangerous adventures. When their character got injured(Because the condition would cripple them after a bit of time in a fight), T would whine about having to NPC their own healing, claiming nobody cared about their character until a player Doctor decided to tend their character, though they would start it all back up as soon as the doctor tried to move on to other injured characters.
All the while this was going on, I was basically their 'therapy friend' since I like to let my friends vent to me to get stuff off their chest, but T took advantage of this. It eventually came to a point where I had enough of how T acted and told them in brutal honesty: "I get that you don't want to be ignored, but you can't have everyone on your character's ass 24/7 and you can't expect everyone to like you or them. You're a good friend, but you gotta work on that if you wanna make it in life." Next time I tried contacting T to check in and see if they were okay, I found myself blocked. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
FJspgX71OzPq70ou1Kg9oLspVcLTsCjC | amb5uf | {
"description": "wanting to go to Europe alone instead of bringing my ex because we had already planned to go together",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to go to Europe alone instead of bringing my EX because we had already planned to go together? | My EX (F22) and I (M24) are in the process of fully breaking up, and we're talking about how we want to go about the trips we planned and paid for. Among them is a trip to Europe. I had originally brought it up as a solo trip, but she argued that she really want to go. So I relented thinking it would still be an awesome couples experience. But now we're talking about breaking up, so I would like to go alone. I'm going to explain further, and I will leave out a lot of details because this isn't the sub to go over it all. I'll do my best to be short and concise.
We have tried our hardest to keep our relationship going despite all the major differences we have. We were able to overcome most of them, but one term of the relationship just ate away at my sense of self. What I have come to believe is that most of my problems are coming from the fact that I am very sheltered and inexperienced. I'm insecure about who I am. I don't know myself well enough to be intrinsically happy. She agrees. Thus, that term was a constant perceived threat to my happiness. I don't like that, but I love her and she loves me dearly. We just want me to overcome that hurdle.
So the recent conclusion was made that we need to allow each other to grow and experience life individually while still being in love. I let her know I was accepting of her own trips with her best friend. She had already went to Miami and was talking about visiting Bolivia with her, but that one ended up being impossible to do for now. Regardless, I gave no fuss about any of it. However, I have still been resentful over things about this relationship. This is partly because I didn't have anything planned for myself and felt like I was stuck feeling those negative emotions while she got to escape and grow. That's when I brought up this trip. She didn't approve. She expressed how it wasn't fair (and safe) that I would go to a foreign country alone. She was implying that she wouldnt approve unless she went. I didn't like the idea of going on this trip if she would be unhappy at home the whole time, and I also had that reasoning stated above in my head.
Like I said, I relented. I paid for everything except for her plane ticket, but there's insurance on it so she can get a refund. Now that we're talking about breaking up, I want to go on this trip solo so that I can begin my moving on process and find myself. However, she argues that it's wrong of me to take this away from her when she already had her expectations. So am I the asshole for this? I already understand that there are other parts to this relationship that are questionable. I'm already thinking that I am the asshole for many aspects of this relationship. I just don't know about this one... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
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VuRz1ISZSdoS3UXr23TBsxHk93DWafLF | b6xho0 | {
"description": "not helping my friend socialize and get a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my friend socialize and get a boyfriend? | One of my roommates is addicted to TV; by addicted, I mean she will sit on there from 9 am - 9 pm on weekends, and as soon as she gets home from work it’s TV until bedtime. She gets angsty if she doesn’t get to watch at least a couple episodes a day. She tells me that TV is her “escape from reality” since her real life sucks.
I tell her that I’m concerned about her health and that she should go and do something else just for a little bit like you know, clean the apartment you share with 3 other girls (me and the two other girls are the only ones who clean, she has never touched cleaning supplies during the entire two years I’ve lived with her).
She responds that she would go out and hang out with friends, but I never want to. I ask her, “why don’t you go out by yourself?” Her response is that she’s awkward and can’t talk when she’s by herself. Tbh, if I were to go with her, I’d be doing 90% of the socializing anyways.
I try and tell her she needs to push herself out of her comfort zone, don’t rely on me. I’m sorry I’m not the “go out and party” type. I go home a lot on the weekends, and I often go visit my boyfriend, so she’s alone and “forced to watch TV all day.”
As a result of being “confined” in the apartment everyday, she has no interaction with boys, and complains that she wants a boyfriend. I encourage her to get bumble, tinder, go outside and talk, but she’s not having it. I’m guessing she randomly wants a hot stranger to come up and talk to her?
She is a little clingy and overbearing, and sometimes I try to keep her company while she watches TV because I feel bad if she’s just sitting there all alone. I’ll do my work on my laptop while a show is on, or I’ll get up randomly during the show to clean dishes or something.
But anyways, it’s my fault apparently that she doesn’t have a lot of friends or a boyfriend, and it’s my fault that we never go out since once I get home from work, I want to relax a bit and clean the mess that accumulates around the apartment.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to hang out with her more and getting her to socialize with others? I feel like I could be doing more to get her out into the real world, but I have my own shit to do and other friends and family to be with as well. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ajzM0bt7q3BNLAWEYntXo52ZWlC2H22B | anjh77 | {
"description": "ruining my friends relationship and friendships, after calling her out",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ruining my friends relationship and friendships, after calling her out? | So, let's call her Tiff.
Every month Tiff post a status that she was robbed and kicked out and needs help. While playing with guys hearts.
She on disability, she won't get her shit together. She has the same story. Well it's winter and she saying how she just going to die out here if no one helps her.
So I post saying, "you know there are shelters.". Which she replies with she can't get to them because they're too far. Like 5 miles the most. She has been homeless a lot. She has family, they kicked her out too.
She knows I don't have a car. But I have a job. Asking me to get her a room at a nearby hotel. I get paid weekly. Have my own shit to worry about. Right now I have 1.16 in my account. I don't get paid till Thursday.
She gets mad saying I shouldn't have posted anything if I wasn't going to help her. So I told her to fuck off, that if she really did get robbed like she did last month and every month before that, she would keep her shit hidden and better spent.
She does meth. I've seen her do it. It's why I no longer hang out with her.
She calls me a every word under the sun. And I told her to go sleep at one of the multiple guys houses she been cheating on her guy with.
Well said guy see this. Tim, (fake name) comments and he says, how she spent all her money on dolls and meth. A 37 yr old woman spending it on monster high dolls and meth. And that she been at her ''friends". And dude broke up with her.
(He doesn't get on social media very much. And one of his buddies see this and I guess tells him or something because they're commenting on it too)
So she comes back to me about how I ruined her relationship and how pretty much her friends are commenting and blaming her and removing themselves from her life and media page.
So am I the asshole for calling her out after trying to help her. I know I didn't have to post anything, but every time I removed her she finds me in public and goes on about how I abandon her. And to shut her up I have to unblock her and readd her to stop her shit.
She on disability for her weight. She function normally, she just plays the fat card and acts like she has problems when they call her in to check to see if she not mentally fit.
I've hidden her shit before, but my family and some friends always gets a hold of me and says she needs to talk to me. Which brings it back to the top. Asking if I have money, which I always tell her no. Because I'm part time and have rent. My guy lost his job so it's been hard last few months. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BA21IW0W3jVzwLv55Aza4UnfD4RaZwiy | b8z7gq | {
"description": "lying and trying to hide a boy from my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for lying and trying to hide a boy from my best friend? | My best friend and I have been close for 5 years now and for the past 2 we've been apart due to going to different schools and such but we still talk on a daily basis. She's my best friend for good reasons but she's also known for being extremely blunt and somewhat rude at times, and she has a history of hardcore judging the guys in my life. She's deemed every one of my exes to be "ugly" and even bashes on my celebrity crushes by picking out details that she doesn't like about their physical appearance.
​
So recently I met this guy who I'm really interested in after being single for almost a year and forgetting about how she reacts to these situations. Naturally I got quite excited and mentioned his name to her and she IMMEDIATELY took to Facebook and found him shortly after even though I didn't even tell her his last name, and I didn't even friend request him so we have no mutuals. This freaked me out and made me extremely uncomfortable. She sent me his profile pictures and such and demanded to know if it was him and I told her "no" even though it was, because I freaked out and I wasn't ready for her to completely rip him apart with words lol. She then kept sending me more of his pictures and digging way into his old pictures and it just made me so uncomfortable that I changed the subject.
​
Every time she's said shit about a guy that I was with/took interest in, I would always remind her that she was being rude for no reason and that it actually stings me too because she's basically taking a fat shit on my taste in people but she just doesn't seem to see it that way and continues to do it so I don't know if I'm being the asshole by lying to her. Virtually nothing is going on between me and this boy, I'm just interested, and I would definitely tell her that I lied if things actually start happening between us but for now am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Tt2WDaes3LbFs3RZ2XhER2ZGEiiUJog6 | acyucy | {
"description": "pushing my girlfriend to apply to pharmacy school",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for pushing my girlfriend to apply to pharmacy school? | My girlfriend has been wanting to go to pharm school ever since she started college. She has taken all the courses she needs but unfortunately didn't realize that the application for fall 2019 semester opens almost a year before the semester starts. Two months ago she began applying and getting everything she needs. Her GPA is high and is loved by many professors so she has gotten letters of recommendations . All she needed was the PCAT test (test required to apply to pharmacy school) which the latest test she could take the test was January 4th, that will be the score eligible to apply to schools. She only had 4 weeks to prepare for the test and she wanted to opt out of applying for fall 2019 and wait till the next cycle which is in fall 2020. She would be out of school for a whole year if she were to wait and not take this test. I urged her to doing it because waiting a year will really set her back and I told her she can do it. She spent countless hours studying. She wanted help on math which i helped three days before the test. Spending hours with her on math. I gave her everything she needed to make sure shes comfortable and has a good mindset(I got her a spa day, had her hair dyed and done, got her gifts and food). When it was time for the test she didn't score as high as she wanted and actually scored slightly below average. I re assured her everything will be okay and she has everything else schools look for and it was good to take a chance. I even offered to pay for all the application fees. That's when things took a turn she began to yell and cry at me saying its my fault for pushing her and that she knew she should have waited until next year and that all this was for nothing and that I made her gamble and lost. I told her that even if the schools don't accept you which I'm sure atleast one or two will at least you took the chance to go for it even if you fail. Failure isn't a bad thing and at least you have the experience from the test to re take the test later and still apply for next year. Colleges look at the highest grade for PCAT and it doesn't make a difference. Its better to try now than to wait a year and maybe even get the same result because you don't have that experience. Now she isn't talking to me and says that I put her through so much pain because i pushed her to take it and now everything "collapsed". AITA for pushing her to have the chance to get into school and not letting her wait a full year? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
g6ikqlby96PA5bO2sg8jpUepyYktpskY | a9shlz | {
"description": "making my friend into a meme",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for making my friend into a meme? | So the title is self explanatory. Basically I have a friend who looks pretty weird, and one of my friends made a photoshop meme of him. That meme was really funny, so me and my friends have spent a few months making memes out of this guy. We're an edgy bunch, so yes, some of it was porn with him shopped in or generally really offensive, but we didn't think he minded, since he is even more edgy + generally messed up.
Most of the memes didn't even have his face in them, just us poking fun at the fact that he's basically a bitter incel, which is true. Anyway, yesterday he got really upset and told us he hated the memes, and is thinking of blocking all of us and never speaking to us again. Am I and the others the assholes here? We knew he weren't *fond* of them, but not that he actively hated them... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
h9fxra486ziYKCHmEKyh6KnvEtNyJrvl | au2kc6 | {
"description": "being my mad my friend is annoyed at me messaging him twice in 2 hours",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for being my mad my friend is annoyed at me messaging him twice in 2 hours? | Me and my friend play a few days every week, *on top* of both days on the weekends. Today, I asked if he could play. No response, fine. I message again 2 hours later. He says no. Fine. I message again an hour later. Again, no. Ok. I ask another hour later, and he flips out. I'm mad at him for being so pissed at the fact that I asked twice in 2 hours, and that hes saying hes stopping it before it "becomes a thing". He's mad that I asked. AITA for being mad at him for this?
Conversation:
http://imgur.com/gallery/MhAqxUs | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
f1NoFckuRZn14cWiBp8Lhou0Cu6yddCu | a1drdk | {
"description": "not reporting corruption in the high school I attended",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not reporting corruption in the high school I attended? | The faculty in my high school here in Canada was extremely corrupt. The first official action of the new head of school was to hire her husband as university counselor, and his incompetence was ridiculous. He used disproved personality tests, fell asleep while teaching and really obviously had no clue what he was talking about... and the school board didn't care because they have no anti-nepotism or conflict of interest policy (they only employ the HOS, and she employs everybody else). So, when the **assistant** head of school nominated her daughter, who was my classmate, for best in class, 3 $100 000 scholarships (one of which she wasn't even eligible for), an accelerated med school program, and a summer internship, none of the higher up faculty gave a shit. And when I approached the school about my mental health issues I was experiencing, I had the assistant head of school act as a qualified counselor, even though she isn't, and make the problem worse. And when a girl in 10th grade reported that her parents wouldn't take her to the doctor, this same woman didn't undertake her legal responsibility as an adult to report any at-risk youth to CPS.
​
The reason I didn't report this was by the end of last year, when I graduated, I had panic attacks once a day or more, so I declined the offers of admission for several programs in favor of taking a mental health year. I couldn't handle the thought of having anything to do with that school anymore. But now that I've been in therapy and working really hard to restore my mental health for months, am I the asshole for not reporting it to the ministry of education? Could doing so permanently give me a reputation as someone litigious? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
crvkfWdkSPnva83mnZ4E7smXteXqf5di | ar5hz6 | {
"description": "asking my parents not to upload pictures of me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my parents not to upload pictures of me? | This is a recurring theme for my family for years already. Basically, they take stolen shots of me and upload them despite me asking them not to. I'm often met with "whats wrong with uploading a picture of you" and "why cant you let me be happy" whenever this happens, and that's a frequent.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z0iIlZCHKLpgXTaYnor6wLK4OSW9FDEY | amfm3j | {
"description": "not wanting a relationship with her because of her dog",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting a relationship with her because of her dog | So I've been seeing this girl for a couple months, let's call her Zan, and things are going pretty well. She wants to take it further but the only problem is her dog. The dog is a pit mix, super sweet female, and loves attention. Whenever I'm over at Zan's house, her dog is always up in our faces begging for attention and to cuddle. Zan is doing a horrible job at disciplining her so the commands to stop are pretty much ignored. Whenever we're in bed the dog wants to be right there laying between us and Zan just encourages it by saying "my sweet baby, my sweet girl" etc. If Zan and I are doing anything like talking, watching tv, etc, and the dog comes around her attention shifts 100% to the dog. I know that people love their pets but I don't want to be involved with someone when there's a literal wedge between us all the time and I'm never a priority. I don't think that's selfish, right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 18,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 35,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
HEYRPBpXakAhmTRdUyYwncM9MuoKPHDo | 9y3kh1 | {
"description": "refusing to give my friend his money back for a bet he lost",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for refusing to give my friend his money back for a bet he lost? | A few months ago my friend had been trying various ways to quit smoking and he was desperate. He had tried everything for several months, patch, vaping, support programs, and was able to quit for a few weeks at most but always gave in. So I helped him by looking up new ideas. We found one idea where he would give me money to hold and he had to not smoke for 2 months, if he made it I would give his money back, if not I get to keep it. However he asked me not to tell his SO (for reasons I will not divulge, in case someone we know sees this.)
So fast forward a few weeks and I run into him and he is smoking. He looks like a deer in the headlights and at first tries to hide it from me. Neither of us bring up the money and I offer him sympathy and empathy, he decides he is going to keep trying.
Fast forward to the end of the 2 month period and he asks me to give him his money back. I tell him no bro, you lost the bet. He starts to get upset and says he was still trying so I should give him the money, he lists other reasons he needs it. I ask him why did he bother giving me money he couldn't afford for a bet he had total control over? We got into a big fight and didn't talk for a while.
A bit later I am contacted by his SO and she is furious at me that I "took his money" and am refusing to give it back at a time he needs it. I tell her she doesn't have the full story, I didn't take anything and he gave it to me. She says she isn't interested in debating over who is right (it is quite obvious she doesn't believe me) and starts talking about how much they need the money, for those reasons I hinted at earlier. So I agreed. (Side note, these are very legit reasons.)
I contacted my friend, arranged to give him his money. I tried to chat with him after that and he was acting cold, I asked if he needed me for something and he started going off about how our friendship was "irreparably damaged" (his words) because I wasn't there for him in his time of need, especially since it was his own money, and also he was upset I hadn't apologized. I got pissed at this point and responded that this wasn't his money, I had won a bet which was intended to help him, and the money I had just given him was a gift.
Now we are back to not speaking, and I feel kind of shitty because of how much stress he is under. I am thinking about calling him up and apologizing but first I would like someone removed from the situation to assess. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
oZfFjk6dYjnEwGVCvr5eXdfCBMd29bLU | 9ukdj9 | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with this kid",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with this kid | Bit of backstory to start: I’m currently in high school and over the summer while volunteering, I met this other kid that goes to my school who I’ll call S. I knew S didn’t have lots of friends so I tried to be friendly towards him and at the end he asked for my phone number in case we had the same classes next year so we could help each other with homework and stuff. It seemed pretty harmless so I said yes. Eventually school starts and we have a few classes together, and all seems pretty normal. That lasted about a week. In classes, he constantly sits on the desks and always make noise. Either doing some fortnite dance or tapping the pencil or playing music on his phone through the speakers. He only yells in class, and I don’t think he showers regularly. He also always wants to see my phone, what I’m working on , reading, etc. Whenever the teacher says we can move around the room, he always rushes to my table despite me making it clear I like to work by myself. He says he just wants to help, but he’ll end up doing something completely unrelated. I could get through this, but he constantly blows up my phone. 1/10 of the time it’s homework, but the other 9/10 of the time it’s for no real reason. An actual text he sent me was just a 26 times. I tell him to stop in classes and to stop spamming my phone but then he becomes really apologetic saying that he didn’t mean to annoy me and that he just wants to be close because he doesn’t have many friends. Am I right for not wanting to be his friend and for him to stop contacting me, or am I just overreacting to the whole situation and being an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vyTnmGakyOwrV2sojUnsnbmGw6x08miU | b6g36d | {
"description": "asking my wife to put our pictures back up",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my wife to put our pictures back up? | I've been married for over a year and we've had mostly good times most of the arguments we had because of money but that is not relevant. A couple months back she deleted all of our pictures with me in it from all her platforms but left her family, friends etc. and also hidden her married status. After i confronted her the only answers i got "i don't want it" "that stuff is irrelevant" "people don't need to see that" etc. She also told me that i am controlling by looking at her Instagram stories and other social media ( if i get bored enough i look through my feeds and stories if there are some and ofc there are her pics and stories too, i dont follow a lot of people maybe around 30-40 so her posts are mostly at the top all the time). Also there is a lot of flirting with guy friends online, which she sees as normal while i find it a bit overwhelming and the deleting our wedding and regular pictures adds up to my anxiety. AITA for asking my wife to put our pictures and statuses back up on her social media? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uAyTvQogfeTNkfwSK0pwgo5rVKU7RJt9 | ana3az | {
"description": "telling my gf she stinks",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I told my gf she stinks? | We've been living together for a little over a month now and jesus was it a mistake. She doesn't work and I'm fine with covering the bills as I have a decent paying job. I did expect her to keep the place in order though. Shouldn't be that hard as I'm a neat person myself. My place has become a disaster though. Like ridiculously messy.
Not just that she's not keeping my place clean, but she also isn't keeping herself clean now. I've never noticed a smell from her before she moved it, but since then it's obvious that she isn't showering. She has BO and it's bad. Like overwhelming.
I really don't know how to talk to her about this besides being blunt and telling her she stinks. I don't know wtf happened from her living with her parents and taking care of herself to living with me and now showering is apparently optional. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kAWrUBP4eAxO26HerpFuiNO8NCczjX6w | a3ut8e | {
"description": "tapping a woman on the shoulder",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for tapping a woman on the shoulder? | I went to CVS to get some protein shakes. A woman was standing in line for pharmacy pick-up... right in front of the protein shakes. And facing away from me.
I tapped her once on the shoulder with my finger, saying “Excuse me and I’m sorry, but do you mind if I take a look at these here?” I gestured toward the shakes.
She spun around wildly and said (quite loudly) “Do you have to touch me? Have some common courtesy!”
I went red as beet and said “I’m sorry, miss.” I left.
Am I the asshole for tapping a woman on the shoulder? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
HKSiecbjhrWSuNa50UrX1oO6gLkHtL0d | 9tdlwn | {
"description": "not giving out candy on Halloween",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving out candy on Halloween? | I just don't feel like getting up every minute for 2-3 hours going to the door. Also Candy is pretty expensive. I did it one year and counted 150+ kids the last Halloween before I ran out of candy. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4WGxfqXW7fxkblb1A0AtckOybd7cRYzF | av4qor | {
"description": "not splitting up the money my brother found",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not splitting up the money my brother found? | Before we moved to other house I used to hide my money in one of my books. I basically forgot about this until just now, when my brother reading through them found my savings.
The total amount is about 70$ (now hear me out, this is not the US and that's a huge amount of money for me. Maybe it's about 1/3 of the money I save in a year.)
He told me and I didn't belive he had found it, so I told him to show me proof. He did so and tried to run away to put the money in his moneybox, which can't be opened once the money is in unless you break it.
Because this I started running to catch him and ended up having a physical altercation with him (nothing important or particularly bloody, just a fight for the money/pride on the floor.) Eventually I won and got my money back.
AITA if I don't split it up? On one hand I think it's the fairest thing to do, on the other hand the fact that he tried to steal it and mock me pisses me off to no end. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZKLhBb2Oznp3HBEqnFPEe2NjZatXZWJO | ao2o9i | {
"description": "not wanting to go to my grandmothers funeral to support my mom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to go to my grandmothers funeral to support my mom? | I get the feeling this might go badly for me but anyways...
My grandmother died (last remaining grandparent also) and my mom is devastated. My mom and I live out of the country and would have to fly for the funeral in order to attend. I hate funerals, hate flying (I don't really take holidays unless I can drive, but with my work I don't really take holidays at all).
My brother and dad are alive and well, both able to go but have said no. My dad lives in the country with me, but my brother actually lives in the country the funeral is being held in. It's important to note that throughout the year I do a LOT for my mom and she generally still has a lot of complaints. My brother and dad aren't great with her, they don't help her or do much for her or with her. She has an idyllic dream of a movie style family, and our family dynamics are much more strained than that. She often vents about it, and because I'm the only one that will listen I always get the brunt of it. When she complains to me I try and tell her "I hate when you keep complaining about it, it's not fair to complain about 'your family not caring about you' to me... when I'm the one that's literally here listening and doing things for you and with you." I go for dinner etc, help her move furniture, all sorts but it's never good enough and she lets me know. She'll thank me usually in the moment, but then complain later on about something else. It's just frustrating that I end up having to do the work of what should be multiple people, I go over to her house and let her rant about work and support her but I feel like I'm having to be a husband, sons, and daughter to her (she often complains she wished she'd had girls as they would care about her more than I do).
I don't want to say she's full on narcissistic as she isn't. But I guess I just get fed up of the back and forth always happening, so when it comes to doing something for her I really don't want to do (fly/go to a funeral) I just don't want to do it.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NrDq2usvkgJHptvb27vTuOiG2Ca35hqq | afh5r3 | {
"description": "charging my boyfriend $50 if he doesn't make it home by 5am",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 25
} | AITA for charging my boyfriend $50 if he doesn’t make it home by 5am? | I feel like an asshole. But, I don’t know and have to know! So, hear me out.
My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years. I’m naturally a homebody. But, when we first stated dating, I kind of had a drinking problem. After moving in together, I was still wrestling with alcoholism and stayed out a handful of times (about five times in a year) until 3AM. Frequently, I’d irresponsibly allow my phone to die while I continued drinking. Initially, I didn’t understand how problematic it was because I wasn’t cheating and I was literally half a block away from our apartment and in the same bar that I went to every each time. Every time, my boyfriend expressed that he hated this. He hated the staying out late and he hated the dead phone. He told me it was unacceptable. Eventually, it seemed like such a big deal to my boyfriend that I just sucked it up, stopped staying out late, and stopped drinking.
Fast forward the now. My boyfriend got a new set of friends every weekend and usually stays out until 3-5am. I don’t ask who’s he’s with or what he’s doing before he leaves. I don’t bother him while he’s out. I want him to have his space because humans deserve that. But, it still bothers me that he’s late only because of the double standard that he’s set in our relationship. He says that he deserves the benefit of the doubt because “he’ll respond to a call or text at any time”. But, as I stated previously, I almost never call while he’s out unless it’s an emergency because we live together.
At first, it pissed me off. Then, I thought I should just calmly explain to him why I disagree with his actions. But, after almost a year, he still does it. He tells me he’ll be home by a certain time and doesn’t make it. When I him out on how he treats me for coming home late, he backpedals. I’m tired of wasting my breath. So, tonight when he left at midnight, I made a proposition. If either one us aren’t home 4am, we have to give the other $50 and no one can be angry.
My reasoning is that he’s either going to tire of paying the $50 and come home on time or afford me the same level of understanding for occasionally staying out until the bars close.
Am I the asshole? Is he? Are we both assholes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 25
} | WRONG |
5mLgPuX3ER9f444AgYnw5dguJQL1Seyy | b3jk0h | {
"description": "cutting communications with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting communications with my ex? | So me and my ex are both high school seniors, and we were best friends all 4 years. So we started dating(inb4 don’t date your best friend) in October and SHE broke up with ME in the end of January.
She wanted to keep being friends, and I don’t hold grudges unless I’ve been crossed more than once. I held feelings up until the beginning of this month or so, and I’m finally over it.
The problems start with her new guy. Out of pretty much nowhere while we were together, she starts talking to this guy. I had no issues with him but he’s one of /those/ guys, sporty and all. He’s cool though, everyone likes him at school.
She slowly stopped talking to me in real life, doesn’t ever text first and we haven’t texted in a week and a half. I’m about to end a 500 something day snap streak, effectively cutting all social media ties.
AITA for stopping communication? This is the last thing preventing me from completely getting over her completely, and I only have a few months before I never have to talk to her again. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8GuyubdlVR1RT8ZvheFTidkeZkUFxUDO | abu4ap | {
"description": "thinking this wasn't sexual assault",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for thinking this wasn't sexual assault? | So my boyfriend and I had sort of a weird argument last night. We were watching Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless mind. If you've never seen it, it's a movie about a man gets his memory erased in order to forget his ex girlfriend. During the procedure, Kirsten Dunst's character is overwhelmed by her feelings for her boss, grabs his face, and kisses him. At this point, my bf says "Wow, she just committed sexual assault". I quickly disagreed with him. Inappropriate in the work place, yes. Sexual harassment, maybe, but it was (in her mind) a one time incident which she quickly recoiled from once she realized he did not (appear to) share her feelings. BF says none of this matters. "She grabbed his face and forced him into a kiss. If it was a man, she would have been charged with sexual assault" While I agree that men have been too frequently looked over when it comes to sexual assault, harassment, and how there can be often gender bias in these situations, I still don't think what her character did would fall under sexual assault for a man OR woman. Am I the asshole? If so, how can I better understand the lines where sexual assault begins and being awkward ends? If I'm not the asshole, how can I help my BF better understand? I know this is a tricky one, so thanks in advance reddit. :-) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
vqwens4JP7F0x7OqIUZ8RTpxXhDUhkI9 | b55o2l | {
"description": "not wanting to buy dog food for my dog after my mother in law promised she'd take care of it herself",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA for not wanting to buy dog food for my dog after my mother in law promised she’d take care of it herself? | My dog was a gift from my MIL to help cope with the absence of my BF, her son (now my husband) when he left for boot camp. I absolutely love my dog and did nearly everything with her like take her hiking, to pet stores to pick out her own toys, and to doggie play dates with friends. Wherever I went she was always by my side. I lived with my in laws for a while since I had no where to go and needed a place to stay before I moved out with my husband overseas where we got stationed. While I lived there I payed for dog food and groceries for the house.
My MIL told me not to take my dog with me even though I really wanted to bring her when I left and said she’d take care of her so I can worry about just moving out there and focusing on my marriage that is just starting out. This really relieved me knowing my dog would be safe in the mean time while my husband and I save up the money to get our dog out here with us since we miss her so much.
My MIL has two other dogs that live with her besides my dog. My brother in law and his GF also have a dog of their own that comes over on the weekends to visit my bro in law since he still lives at home with his mom. His GF also lives at home with her parents, neither of them pay bills or really ever help out, they just work and get to use the money they make to have fun. My MIL now wants for me and my husband who are trying to save up money for things like furniture, a car, etc. that you need when you’re first starting out on your own and don’t think it’s fair that we have to buy two bags of dog food every other month and bro in law and his GF (who practically lives at the house) don’t take care of their dog and help pay for food since it eats it as well. I love my MIL but she said that she’d take care of my dog so we wouldn’t have to worry about it until we get her out here. I’m okay with sucking it up and buying the dog food if I really have to because I love my dog and would do anything for her but my husband doesn’t want to since it’s not fair since we wouldn’t be paying just for our dog to eat and I agree that it isn’t fair.
WIBTA for telling my MIL that we don’t want to pay for dog food since she said she’d take care of her for us on her own originally?
Note: my husband and I are 20 and his brother and his girlfriend are close to 30, it’s going to be thousands of dollars to bring our dog overseas so we have to be pretty frugal right now to save enough and get groceries and of course all the other things we need.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
LIxOcKPiQE9dO9LiCK5pg97MmENlIZCH | at46as | {
"description": "not fostering a better relationship between in-laws and my son",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not fostering a better relationship between in-laws and my son? | My husband and I recently had our first baby, a son. He’s 7 months old and has probably only seen his one set of grandparents (my in laws) maybe half a dozen times and they are IMPOSSIBLE to make plans with... for background...
The dynamics of my husbands family are so hard to explain. Throughout his childhood they were always somewhat poor, his dad could never commit to a 9-5 type job so he tried unsuccessfully to run a couple businesses but ultimately could never motivate himself to work so his businesses failed. My husband said even back then they were just really lazy about things, even things that didn’t cost money.
They’ve always been thoughtless. I understand that money is tight, but they put zero effort into ANYTHING. They don’t know either of their sons at all (foods they like, hobbies, etc). My husband has always had a strange relationship with them, very distant & guarded, does not act like himself AT ALL with them. He says it isn’t worth being disappointed by their lack of interest. They put zero thought into gifts or getting together as a family. They’ve bought my son girl clothes because I think they just don’t take the effort to look at them.
They hate making plans. The problem is, we’re 2 hours away with a 7 month old. We can’t just stop by unannounced. It takes a lot of coordination and planning to see anyone. We’ll tell them we’re coming down a certain weekend, what we have planned, and when we’re available. They’ll say that “sounds great” but won’t commit to a specific day/time. I’ll ask several times and they just ignore me. I tried once giving them a plan like “Okay we’ll come by ___” but then that day they had decided instead to stop by a neighbors house and were a bit irritated we couldn’t just stop by the next day when we already had plans. They’ve commented they never know when we’ll be around.... which makes me feel bad but also SO FRUSTRATED because when I try to make plans they won’t commit to anything, so yes, we do get busy and spend time with other relatives. I haven’t been willing at this point to sit around my parents house all weekend just waiting for the exact right moment they decide they’re in the mood for a visit.
We’ve now been down twice in a row to visit my parents and haven’t seen his at all. The weirder thing is, our parents live not even a mile apart, so we’re just down the road hanging out with my parents for 1-2 days and not even seeing them.
I feel like I t’s very hard to explain. They don’t do ANYTHING out of maliciousness, they just seem lazy and thoughtless.
I’m afraid our negative feelings towards them are going to ruin our sons chance of having a relationship with them... they are probably not going to change who they are for my son, and he will ultimately probably wonder why they don’t ‘care’ enough to make plans or spend time with him... but I feel like I should be trying harder to give them a chance... am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6Xm7dRzHedUkmlK17uvTE0WmZYmbAkr5 | arfv9t | {
"description": "not wanting to get married without a prenup",
"pronormative_score": 172,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for not wanting to get married without a prenup? | A little background: I own a business earning $150k+ a year that I built from the ground up. I have never seen a successful marriage in my family, especially the one between my parents. Each of them tried to screw with the other constantly, no matter the cost. I do have some pretty deep-seated trust issues as a result of that (really trying to work on this), and I've never really seen marriage as a necessity.
The other day my girlfriend(26) and I(27) were discussing marriage. We've been together for about 3 years, and living together for about 1 and a half. I told her that I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to get married, and if I did, I would want a prenup. Shit really hit the fan after that. She called me a distrustful asshole and that she felt insulted that I would even consider that, and hurt that I might never want to get married. I tried to tell her that it wasn't about not trusting her, but having security for myself, along with the above information. She wouldn't have any of it though.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 121,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 51,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 172,
"WRONG": 14
} | RIGHT |
dA2tvuPTxi95KH0iQuev4cJOiQ432ich | ax0co5 | {
"description": "telling my sister she needs to do her work on her own",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my sister she needs to do her work on her own? | My sister (26) is getting her bachelors degree right now after putting it off for a couple of years. She’s not the best when it comes to writing and asks me, her younger sister, for help on assignments and things and other work she has. I’ll usually help her with homework, group projects, and writing assignments when she has a lot of work going on or she doesn’t really know what to wrote. I don’t mind doing this because I just want her to do her best and I know she also has to work and an internship.
Last night she asked me for help again and kept having me look over an online presentation and help her do it since she’d never used that certain program before. She’d ask me for help every five or so minutes and had already asked me lots of times in the past week to help her with her with the same presentation, even though I myself have a lot of school work going on as well.
Finally I told her she was old enough to do her own work and that she had even had a family guest help her (who we had just met the day before) do the same project. She got mad at me and told me that life was a collaborative task and that she would get input and help when she was working so it was no different. She told me age has nothing to do with it and that I made her feel like crap.
I apologized and told my sister I wasn’t angry for helping her, just told her that she should put the effort in to do things by herself whenever possible.
She ended up telling our mom what I had said and my mom got angry at me as well telling me that I had no right to make her feel like shit and that I just wanted to be better than everybody. She cursed me out and told me I was a spoiled brat and should help her when she needs it and told me that I should never ask for help with anything if I was going to behave like that.
So, Reddit, AITA in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
U4AvDgGzFHysrMUIOYul6aIpdo1icfTT | b8795w | {
"description": "wanting to spend time with only my friends on vacation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for wanting to spend time with only my friends on vacation? | I am 26 and gf is 24.
My friends and I have a yearly trip to Texas to get together and have fun (1 friend lives there now). I also have family in Texas and visit them them too. I've done this every spring since 2016 and it is the only time I get to spend with my closest friends since we live all over. Its also a chance to visit family I dont see often.
The first year of me and my gf dating (2017), we both had a one week vacation that coincided so no prob there. The 2nd year I talked to her about coming with me for 1 week to stay with family and then the 2nd week just I would stay with my friends. She did not like this and thought i wasn't considering her when making my plans to go.
After a lot of consideration and talking through it, she was right. It wasn't intentional but was still on me. We talked it out and I apologized. I should have involved her earlier in the process and asked what she thought about the trip before taking the time off of work and buying the tickets.
It was too late to change and she couldn't get the time off. Since I already had booked the flights/time off and my friends and family were expecting me, I ended up going on the trip myself. Usually it is only 1 week so 2 was a lot of time. I had fun but i realized how I had been wrong and wanted to include my girlfriend on my next trip to Texas.
This year in Jan I brought up doing the trip with her. I made it a point to ask her what she thought and her thoughts on flying down - she doesnt care to travel much and gets anxious about meeting new people so she seemed reserved. I told her that my idea was to go for a week and spend the first half of the vacation with her and my family, and for her to meet my friends and spend a day with us - but that the second half of vacation (2-3 days) I just wanted to spend with my friends.
She did NOT like this because she thought I was "abandoning her" and "making her fly alone". She said that I clearly hadn't learned from last year and that I was being selfish.
I gave it some thought and I think she is partially right - I am being selfish in wanting to spend 2-3 days with just my friends and not considering how flying alone is scary for her.
What I am hung up on is that I never get to see these friends and this is the only time I get to hang out with them. We do stuff she doesn't like to do (e.g. go to breweries, go hiking, play video games) so I'm afraid of a 5th wheel situation too. I want to work something out with her where I can spend time with my friends but also so she doesnt feel left out or anything. She has all of her friends within a 15 minute drive of where we live in MA, but all my friends live in different states and I dont get the same option she has to spend quality "just friends" time wit them. I have tried to ask her how we can handle this but she is very absolute in that IF I do any part of the trip just by myself that I am wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
czUJQtzobCzYiMSDbtp93IbqKnWl3s25 | afk384 | {
"description": "not wanting to talk about my stomach medicine in front of my date",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to talk about my stomach medicine in front of my date? | Last month, I brought a date to my dad's Christmas party. There was probably about 25 people there. Everyone is having a good time and socializing, drinking, etc.
A few hours into the party, my dad calls me into the next room. Let's just say my name is John. He says "John, I got that stomach medicine you wanted" while he tries to hand me two pill bottles. Keep in mind, my date is sitting in the next room around the corner, probably 15 feet away at most.
I do the polite thing and say "Oh, no thanks, I don't want it right now" but he just wouldn't take a hint. He goes "No John I got that stomach medicine you wanted, see?" And again offers me the pill bottles. Like I'm supposed to just put them in my pocket and carry on. Maybe that's what I should have done.
Instead I went "Dad I'm with a girl" and the room's volume immediately went down. The group of nearby people who were talking got quiet for a split second. Pretty sure I said it louder than I meant to. The entire energy of the room went down in that moment and I could feel the cringe running through my body (cringe and diarrhea, hence the stomach medicine).
Anyway, the girl might not have heard, because she didn't ever bring it up. Maybe she was being polite. The room picked up in energy after a half second. Should I have just taken the medicine and shut up? I would have felt weird walking around with diahhrea medicine in my pocket, they were pretty big bottles and you could hear the pills jiggling in the bottle. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
FDmuSVtQ8wMUF9Sw88fjLYTAWWeObfbp | ahy4wl | {
"description": "not being a supportive wife",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for Not Being a Supportive Wife? | Throw away because my husband knows my account name.
For a little background, about 2 months ago, my husband was put on a series of medication (depression, insomnia) that interacted very poorly with each other. It made him insanely tired, have double vision, and making it very hard for him to concentrate. During that time of trying to figure out medication, he missed about 1.5 weeks worth of work. He is currently on ADA through May, so he’s not in danger of losing his job. The medication issue was corrected, and while he’s doing much better, he still has days where he can’t focus his vision or concentrate if he has had enough sleep.
Info on me, we decided that between the cost of childcare and gas to get to work, I was basically working for free. So now I’m a SAHM. This is until our youngest (who is a little over 1) starts school and childcare costs won’t be as bad. And for additional context, we do live with his parents for the time being.
I’ve been trying my best to be a supportive wife, and it really hurts to see him in such misery and not be able to do anything to help. But I’m also not blind to how much of a rift this causes between him and his parents, as he still misses 1-2 days a week and they’re not shy about being vocal on it. I’m also not blind that this has massively impacted his paychecks and makes it really touch and go to pay for bills and necessities.
Which brings me to today. He fell asleep very late last night and had to be up for work early today. He tells me that he’s not going in and that it’s his own fault he can’t focus his eyes. Guys, something in me snapped and I told him that while I wasn’t mad at him, his parents are going to have some shit to say about it. Note this was said in a calm tone, not angry or accusatory. That was a very low blow on my part, and normally I’m not that reactive. Needless to say he went on to work incredibly angry at me. I can’t blame him and my choice of words was horrendous, but I can’t help but feel I’m not completely in the wrong about this.
I need your verdict here Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xHcCcajbY7GKQOoDUjWg7FAV2SPJW5gr | ad2en6 | {
"description": "not taking care of my sick girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA [24m] for not taking care of my sick girlfriend [24f]? | Background: her mom (F50s) is staying with her (f24). Mom has the flu really bad. Girlfriend went to the doctors today and has laryngitis. She lives an hour away.
After I (m24) got off work Friday I sent her a delivered pepperoni pizza she was craving hoping that it would make up for me not coming this weekend, boy was I wrong.
I got reamed out tonight that I didn’t come today to “take care of and cuddle her.” She mostly sleeps and can’t talk currently. I told her I didn’t want to get sick. She is FURIOUS.
I totally get I missed a chance to be super-boyfriend, but it feels selfish she can’t see that she’s asking me to essentially watch her sleep and pay for it by getting horribly ill myself.
Am I in the wrong here?
Tl;dr girlfriend is sick, I didn’t go to take care of her; am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
6SMMy1pVd3wm44aXv4qurAT4oDwvKJa9 | ao1mul | {
"description": "thinking my mother shouldn't be making my sister's court case all about her",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for thinking my mother shouldn't be making my sister's court case all about her? | So I know I'm not the asshole. But I wanna be able to show my mother that she is.
Story goes: my mother started dating this guys, we will called 'fred'.
Fred was a nice guys, awesome to us kids and shit.
They dated for 7 years, in that time he moved and they got engaged.
Suddenly they broke up, mum went into a psych ward for trying to kill herself.
That's when I found out, that dick was touching my younger sister. Underage sister.
We are currently in court about it all and my mother today was carrying on about how this whole thing is hurting her cause she has to see him. Nothing about how its affecting my sister at all.
She didn't even want to go through with the whole thing.
So reddit, is my mother a giant asshole or what? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
P7q3rW6Z4qNWm6yFVqZBEdDPdUAB7IUm | ac3nta | {
"description": "not having sex",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not having sex? | My husband and I have been together for 17 years. We are one of those couples that actually likes and loves each other and for the most part always get along.
My quandary is this. When he falls ill (like right now) or his back is giving him problems (it is messed up from when he was younger) he is a giant baby. I tend to give him his space to relax and recuperate. He is pretty vocal about his level of discomfort in all situations. At the same time he will be hurt if we are not intimate.
I don't get it. If I am sick or uncomfortable enough to let people around me hear my coughs and groans of pain the last thing on my mind is sex. I have told him this many times before. Apparently men are different and he gets his feelings hurt if I don't jump him regardless of his physical well being. SERIOUSLY WTF?
Do do men really just need sex regardless of how they are feeling physically?
Honestly just needed to vent. I can handle it if I am asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
vVUTzypnjdfAZ9m6xZsEhr8ZmF2esdRw | acfkhp | {
"description": "getting upset at my boyfriend for not being there for me after a family member's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting upset at my boyfriend for not being there for me after a family member’s funeral. | My boyfriend hasn’t met most of the family yet, and I didn’t feel like this was the correct setting to introduce him so we agreed he didn’t need to go.
After a very long and emotionally draining day, I let him know I was about to head home. About half an hour before he had just let me know he was gonna head home from work too.
In the car ride home I couldn’t help but start crying. I texted him again so he knows I was on the way and he called me. I figured maybe since he knew how my day went, he was just calling to check on me and see when I was getting back... Instead he says he’s at a bar with a mutual friend and asked if I wanted to go join. I didn’t want to go out after this kind of day, and with tears streaming down my face.
So he casually says okay, see you later then! Never asking once how I was or anything else. I text him that it had been obviously a very long day and that I thought he was already going home so I didn’t realize he’d be at a restaurant. He tells me I’m being petty and jealous because he’s with a girl, and that he shouldn’t have to explain every move he makes (such as deciding he didn’t want to go home after all) without me getting upset! Even said well that’s why I called you to come too, because I missed you and wanted to see you.
I tried to explain that’s not why I was mad. It’s not that he’s with a girl, it’s that I was a complete afterthought! He didn’t want to “see me” if he called me after he had already gotten there asking if I ALSO wanted to join. Even if he usually doesn’t have the most empathy, how could he not understand I just had a difficult day and needed my boyfriend to be there for me??
To make matters worse, I call him because this made me upset. And he totally pretends to just laugh it off and HANGS UP ON ME because he didn’t want anyone else there to know what was going on. Then gets mad at me for starting an argument over nothing.
I know maybe I’m just emotional over everything else and maybe it all feels heightened, but I completely feel like it was valid for me to be upset!
TL;DR: on the way home from a funeral, my boyfriend blows me off while I’m crying on the phone because he’s at a bar even though he told me he was going home. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uzEHjs1Jd7cWl1ptekezTPF9bvBq0TG3 | 9vpqun | {
"description": "threatening to kick out my girlfriend for refusing to cook",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for threatening to kick out my girlfriend for refusing to cook? | My girlfriend does not cook or help around the house. At all. She does nothing other than go out with friends, and gets angry at me for not taking her out often. She has no job, does not go to school, and stays in the house other than me or someone else taking her out. I gave her the choice of cleaning and cooking every day, or I kick her out onto the street. I don't think she has anyone to take her in. Am I in the wrong here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7MDcT9E3BbMsJdQWOwPk4KNJTcCD4UUs | b6f5hw | {
"description": "laughing at a kid when he made an inappropriate phone call in the middle of school",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for laughing at a kid when he made an inappropriate phone call in the middle of school? | Alright sounds bad right? Also on mobile so maybe a few spelling mistakes but you should get the gist, it's also on the long side. So I'm 17 I go to an alternative school that's very independent based and you can basically do 3 hours a week if you want (you got to go 3 days a week and if you come early, you can get out within the hour ). There are 4 teachers there plus a curriculum leader. Anyway, this semester there's a bit of a group starting (yay I have friends now) but there's also this kid who's kinda weird and while I'll talk to him, he kind of doesn't understand social cues, keeps talking about his Internet girlfriend and talks about his mom as this monster (which I don't believe because apperwntly she works for children's aid, I'm pretty sure they are checked out plus he's told some really convaluted stories that don't really make sense, he also regularly talks about stiff you shouldn't talk about and makes everyone super uncomfortable on a semi regular basis (at least once a week). Anyway, today he calls his mom in the middle of school (ehile the osslt test is going on and it's a small school, there are also no phone calls allowed because it is disruptive to everyone) . He starts swearing and yelling at his mom, while there are about 7 of us in the conference room ND we all know him relatively well and we are kind of in shock. One of the girls decides to film it (I'm not impressed with her on this part but she does not have a filter, she understands social cues bit she doesn't really care). It's about 10 minutes worth of him screaming at his mom, swearing at her and threatening to hurt her and after a few minutes, after the girl loses it laughing everyone including me stiffles back laughter and eventually loses it(I feel pretty bad but there is a time and a place and it was r/public freak out material). After a bit, this girl comes in and explains that she would never talk to her mom like this, he's being terrible to her, he just screams at her and she keeps on talking and telling him he's being an asshole and disrupting everyone. He throws a box of tissues at her head, throws his phone at the window and the curriculum teacher finally comes. I feel bad for being a bystander but there's also a time and a place to do this and he was saying some really awful yet ridiculous stuff (at one point he said he was doing this because he needed witnesses that she was being abusve, we couldn't really hear her because he was so loud but he said that she put us in shock when we were laughing) I'm suprised it took the curriculum teacher as long as it did but she was busy with getting a student registered but she eventually came and sorta calmed him down. After a video was made with he footage which was admittedly funny and involved syncing his screams to jurassic park, as well as capturing some of the reactions of people(I had no part in it but it was funny). Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
JWX7VeNwz8zETx643Ck5mWgBIi9uc6Cu | a4b98h | {
"description": "bringing up the \"Baby it's Cold Outside\" controversy with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for bringing up the "Baby it's Cold Outside" controversy with my girlfriend? | Context: We have been together four years, and love each other very much. She struggles with complex PTSD in relation to her upbringing, as well as past relationships. Especially one where she was raped and had an abortion.
Last night I asked if she had heard of the controversy surrounding the song and how it had been pulled from the radio, just making small talk. I was expecting small talk and got an earful. Her stance is fully in line with #MeToo, and if I thought for a minute I probably wouldn't have brought it up.
I attempted (poorly) to relate why I personally thought the removal of the song was excessive and set a bad precident for artists past and present. I tend to look at a much broader picture and enjoy reading about the history of songs and looking into their meaning. I didn't do any of that before I stepped on that particular landmine.
I didn't want to trivialize her views, but I still wanted her to understand why I felt the way I did. Without any evidence beside my gut and a cursory read of an opinion piece over at the CBC.
Needless to say, I slept on the couch.
I woke up to another shouting match, and having read into more of the history and circumstances around the writing and original (pre Neptune's Daughter) thought it would be a great idea to try again to offer my point of view, back with further knowledge on the subject. You know, instead of just backing down and waiting until shit blows over to apologize for being insensitive.
I feel like I ruined our Friday night, possibly our whole weekend. As if I needed another reason to hate Christmas music. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 24
} | RIGHT |
5DJr8HEGVKiNEh4aGEpMGdB8YRjlJSft | aislui | {
"description": "wanting my mum to cut off contact from my aunt and cousins",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my mum to cut off contact from my aunt and cousins? |
Hello Reddit. My Sister prompted me to write this. This is a long one, so I'll provide a bit of information about who is who before I start.
*Names have been changed*
* Shannon - My sister
* Eric - My aunt's son; my cousin
* Hannah - My aunt's daughter; my cousin
* Jessie - My aunt's daughter; my cousin
* Shayna - Eric's girlfriend
Around May 2018, my cousin Eric met his girlfriend Shayna. Me and my family were very close with my aunt and cousins at this point, so we would often see Shayna and Eric. From the first time we met Shayna, she always acted toxic to all of us. She'd frequently talk about all of us, including Eric's mum, would always have something negative to say whenever she was around us and just acted like an all round cunt.
One day when we were at my aunt's, Shayna was acting more obnoxiously around the house than usual, leaving messes everywhere, swearing around my cousin's 3 year old son, playing loud music as if it were own house. My aunt then berated Shayna in front of her, then told her to leave.
Shayna then starts screaming at my aunt, calling her all kinds of things and then wished that my aunt had died when she was in hospital. My aunt had breast cancer and there were times when we thought she wouldn't make it, but she is alive and well today.
Shayna then left, slamming my aunt's door which actually broke it, and despite all this, Eric still went running after her and stayed with her, completely cutting off his own mother and sisters. He then 'moved out' and went to live with Shayna, which he was until last week, but I'll get to that.
After a month of no contact with Eric or Shayna, Shayna started obsessively writing Facebook statuses about my aunt. She would write paragraphs and paragraphs about how she was a bad mother, it was her fault her child died (she had a daughter who was hit by a car and died), she's a frequent drug user and should have her kids taken away (which isn't true).
My sister and my aunt have a very close relationship, so my sister messaged Shayna and pretty much told her to leave our family alone or 'face the consequences'.
Shayna then messaged all of us abuse, saying things similar to what she wrote in her Facebook statuses, threatened us with physical violence, then started making claims that we threatened to kill her and that she was going to call the police on us.
Shayna continued writing these statuses and messaging us daily, but then she called the police on us a few times claiming we were using and growing drugs in our homes. She also called CPS on my sister, saying that my sister beats her 1 year old son in public. CPS had to do an investigation because of the type of claim, causing us all stress for weeks as they had to make sure my sister wasn't actually beating her child.
These things continued until about August 2018, where Eric was still living with Shayna but Shayna had stopped the silly updates on Facebook about something we'd done or something someone had said. None of us had spoken to Eric or Shayna since that point, until about two weeks ago.
I was talking to my cousin Jessie and she mentioned that Eric was coming to move back into their house. I started questioning her about it, asking how they could allow him to come back after he stuck with Shayna despite everything she had done, but she told me it was none of my business so I left it at that.
Obviously my mum and my sister were annoyed about it, but he wasn't near us so it wasn't our problem. It then became our problem when Shayna sends 5 messages to my sister, threatening to slit her throat, saying she's going to her house and sent her full address to her, she was threatening to kill my sister's child as well as myself and my mum.
My sister then decides to call my aunt asking why she can allow Eric to move back in despite still being with Shayna and seeing her regularly? My aunt started shouting down the phone at my sister, something she's never done as they've always been so close. My sister hung up but my cousin Hannah immediately started calling my sister again, messaging her abuse and continuously trying to call her.
My sister then went to my aunt's house and starts shouting at my aunt and cousins, which blew up into a giant argument between me, my sister, my aunt and cousins. The cousins and aunt blocked us both on all social media and we haven't spoken since.
At this point, I'm happy that I don't have to deal with them any more. The problem is, my mum is supposed to be going on vacation with my aunt and their mum. My mum doesn't know all the details of what's going on between us all, but my aunt is now refusing to go away with my mum unless me and my sister apologise to all of them. I was happy to just do that and get it out of the way, knowing I'd never have to have contact with them again, but my sister was straight up refusing, saying that if anything, Eric needed to apologise to us for the abuse we received for months.
This blew up into another argument between us, which resulted in my aunt now refusing to go away with my mum at all. This was a very expensive month long holiday they had been planning, and cancelling at this point would have meant they'd lose the majority of their money, which they have all been collectively saving together for this vacation.
Me and my sister both want to cut off the whole part of this family now, but my mum doesn't want to. We have tried urging her to cut off from them considering how many threats were made towards her, but she can't becaus e 'at the end of the day, they're still our family'.
**Are we the assholes if we persuade my mum to cut off all contact to my aunt and cousins?**
TL;DR - My cousin's girlfriend verbally abused me, my mum and my sister, cousin and aunt's stuck up for their behaviour. Me and sister want to cut off contact but mum doesn't want to as they're still family. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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