id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
TaZ80ZupNBmWaYeNeCJweOqL2lemNJNF | b54jf1 | {
"description": "not talking to my roommate and breaking my lease",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not talking to my roommate and breaking my lease? | At the beginning of August I moved into a house with 2 other girls. One of them is my older sister (20), and the other is a girl I’d known since middle school who is the same age as me (18). I was never really good friends with this girl, but we became better friends in high school through mutual friends and would hang out every few months or so. One time we were hanging out and figured out we were both staying in our hometown for college, so we could probably live together. Her dad’s side of the family owns a business where they rent out houses, so he found us a house nearby and became our landlord, along with his wife. This was their first time being landlords because the company was owned by my friends grandparents. So everything started almost immediately after moving in. We had to pay $400 a month, and the landlords told our friend that she doesn’t have to pay rent. Then we buy groceries and this girl starts eating all of our food with out asking. She would have people over and I’d just catch all of them eating my chips and dip or some shit. A few weeks later she texted my sister and I saying she was thinking about getting a dog, both my sister and I told her it would be a lot of work and that we should probably talk about it more. She didn’t respond to our texts, and when we got home the dog was there. This dog chewed up my sisters couch, chewed multiple pairs of our shoes, shit in my room repeatedly, etc. I asked this girl to keep more of an eye on her dog, since most of the reason this is happening is her getting high and not caring about what the dog does. She responded so shitty, and continued to let her dog do whatever she wanted. She started having parties at the house, or having people over super late with out saying anything, and my room was right in the living room so anything that was happening could be heard in my room. There was more shit that went on that was similar to this, she let our cat out and he had to stay out there all night, was always disrespectful of our stuff, and trashed the house. This was so frustrating to me because she wasn’t even paying rent there. They were pretty shitty landlords too, I had multiple things I confronted them about a few times while I was there that never got fixed. AITA for breaking my lease and moving out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1V3mR1G2Rq6uevPFjqL37MEPJN3ghTK6 | a6nlbt | {
"description": "calling my gf of a 4yrs psycho but breaking up with her for always putting her hands on me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling my GF of a 4yrs psycho but breaking up with her for always putting her hands on me? | AITA for leaving her when she reacts how I expect her to? I don't think she's psycho but her violent outbursts are frequent and unhinged over trivial things. Except this morning when I told her that I had sold some tree to a female (roommate was there to witness no sketch) and that I just hadn't wanted to tell her right away because of how she gets, well, the violence was almost a self fulfilled prophecy. She didnt wait to get more details or really have any thought process at all, just immediate violence. So I called her psycho, which I shouldn't have done in the heat of the moment, and it got even more intense. But I expected her to be that way, so I delayed telling her, kinda cowardly, which in the end made it even worse, so, I kinda feel like an asshole and got what was coming to me. But I don't want to stay involved with her when she can't control her violent temper, control issues or paranoia/rage. I'm 25[M] and definitely don't want to wait optimistically for another 4 years to see if she gets a grip and stops hitting me. AITA for making it worse and/or finally giving up on her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
knB6GviK7NDnQYSuqIMySrevvnykc0Jn | amqwoq | {
"description": "kicking my brothers and cousins out of my room",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking my brothers and cousins out of my room? |
Alright so I a video game on my WII two days ago, and I really enjoyed playing it and letting my brothers and cousins (who were spending the night) watch me play. They asked if they could play and I told them no because I don't trust them with handling my stuff (kids, y'know?) and my brothers have the tendency to throw controllers when they get frustrated at games.
So anyway I really like being by myself in my room most of the time and only ever wanna let someone else in if there's a friend over or if I'm feeling comfortable enough. They were watching me play for a good thirty minutes. Then they all go "hey can you pause the game? We wanna go get drinks."
So I gladly paused the game and waited on them, leaving my door open so I didn't lock it on reflex.
An hour passes.
I go to the other room to see what they're doing, and they're playing on their own tablets and watching TV. So I thought that they weren't interested anymore so I went back to my room, locked the door, and continued playing.
Literally three more hours later after dinner, one of my brothers knocked on my door saying "we're done, can we come back in?" He heard that I was playing the game and started saying stuff like "why didn't you pause the game?!"
Of course I didn't let him or the other kids in because I knew they'd just leave me hanging again.
Summary: AITA for kicking my brothers and cousins out of my room because they made me pause the game for an hour and then not letting them back in three hours later?
Info: my brothers and cousins are in the 7-10 range, I'm 15, and the game I was playing was Punch Out!! Wii | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8coXgyXjKiMwrec3nY3Fvqo2WvzGPmp3 | a17ec4 | {
"description": "feeling annoyed when people open up to me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For feeling annoyed when people open up to me? | As the title says, every time somebody opens up to me with a problem, especially out of nowhere I get really annoyed, even when its a very close friend. Obviously I don't externalize my frustrations and I try to listen and help them the best I could but I just can't help but feeling like getting out the conversation as soon as I possibly can. Maybe its because I never open up to my friends so I don't feel like they should open up to me? I don't know. It just feels bad because I feel like its making me not help them or hear them out properly because I don't even want to in the first place
An example of this is literally just a few minutes ago, a close friend of mine messaged me out of nowhere while I was watching a show (The Sopranos, great fucking show) talking about how down she was that her partner broke up with her and how this is exacerbating her depression all I could think was why the fuck was this happening now of all times when I'm comfy as hell and the show is getting heated. Another example is every time me and my friends would drink, whenever someone gets sad alcohol sad and cries about things I usually go talk to them and try to hear them out but I just cant shake off the thought of "why the fuck are you doing this now, drinking is supposed to be a happy thing, I'm in a good mood, why the fuck are you killing the vibe god fucking damn" | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
oEhWFfmQn2kbMwQRhm1bX9ta4owPDzjY | a5cjcg | {
"description": "not wanting people to eat in class or put their feet on my desk",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting people to eat in class or put their feet on my desk? | I'm in high school and there is this girl in my chemistry class. She sits behind me and she talks to people for the entire class, but that doesn't bother me. The problem is that she eats really crunchy food and ice and stuff in class. Also, there's a guy in a different class that always puts his feet on the back of my desk and moves them a lot so my desk moves. It probably shouldn't bother me but I have really bad anxiety and stuff like that makes me really distracted and makes me really irritated. Like, loud chewing makes me feel like my head is filling and it makes me want to scream. It's all just part of my anxiety and stupid sensory overload. I get that people can do what they want but when I ask them to please stop they act like I've offended them and I always feel bad. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6FTKVM9qBQiXL792UBDe7U86ACGBBE30 | axy020 | {
"description": "asking my parents to help me pay rent whilst I housesit for them",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for asking my parents to help me pay rent whilst I housesit for them? | I'm 23, and live in an inner-town apartment paying $250 per week rent. I only earn $35,000 a year so this is a pretty significant expenditure for me, but for various reasons it's wholly worth it.
My parents live approximately 1 hour away via public transport (I don't own a car unfortunately).
During dinner at my parent's home a few nights ago they casually mentioned that they were going to be going on a six-week holiday soon (to visit relatives in another country). They have a small dog at home, so I asked them what they were going to do about it. This is when my dad says "well you'll look after it of course". I queried further how I was supposed to do that which is when I was met with a blank stare and the words "you're obviously moving back home while we're gone".
At this point I made the mistake of laughing and asking "so who's going to pay my rent?".
This started one of the biggest arguments i've ever had with my parents. In their view, they had expected me to move back to their home (whilst still paying rent for my empty apartment), with the added downside of now having to tack on at least an hour in commute every day, as a "thank you" to them for being my parents. This involved an argument of how they provided for me for x amount of years and "gave me everything" (untrue, I've been financially independent since I was old enough to work) and how me expecting them to "pay me for helping them" was disrespectful and sickening to them.
I tried explaining that i'd basically be throwing $1,500 at a wall for 6 weeks of doing them a 'favour' whilst they were on holiday, and how that seemed somewhat unreasonable unless they potentially agreed to at least contribute to my rent payments whilst I wasn't at my own home.
This argument was met with "but we pay a mortgage too, and we won't be home so it's the same thing".
I tried explaining how it was more about the fact that i'd be involuntarily exempting myself from a service I pay a significant amount of money for, on the sole premise of "helping them".
This argument was met with "we help you with everything and now you expect us to pay you when we ask for help".
I told them I would be happy to help in a reasonable manner but at the end of the day this would be a significant burden on me monetarily and livelihood wise, to which I was reprimanded for "trying to do business with your own flesh and blood".
It boiled down to them making the argument that it makes no difference where I live, i'll be paying rent regardless.
I eventually gave up as they were getting more and more indignant and seemingly oblivious to my point of view. We now haven't spoken in several days following a few sarcastic quips from my dad asking me if I was going to pay him for drinking a glass of water because "that's what (I) do".
Are they right? Should I move to their home to housesit and look after the dog whilst still paying rent for my place? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
GJIQBC9v1IXwl73a4HFTT32YFdQgYY3l | az5ggm | {
"description": "giving up on a cheating friend",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for giving up on a cheating friend? | A friend has recently cheated on his gf when he was drunk. His gf suspected it when I got home alone and asked me about it, so I told her what I saw, nothing more, nothing less (my friend kissing the girl at the club and then them walking out together). It's not my job to lie to her because my friend fucked up. He later confirmed to me that they really had sex.
I'm not exactly religious, but he knows I have principles, and that I don't associate with cheaters is one of them, so I told him he could fuck right off. He then called me an asshole for not helping him as a friend and telling his gf. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
65fsy85EHRd9NqZ97FuPGutS3mr6U8TS | b3isfw | {
"description": "hooking up for someone else after assuming I was rejected by someone I was interested in",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hooking up for someone else after assuming I was rejected by someone I was interested in. | This is a really hectic one so forgive me if I ramble folks. I'm in my first year of college and since I've started I've made a great group of 6 friends (myself included) three lads and three girls.
When I started college I was in a relationship and became good friends in particular with one of the girls who we'll call Trish for the sake of the post. My relationship with my ex ended at the start of February and since then me and Trish have gotten really close, and I eventually became pretty attracted to her. Naturally the people in my group started joking about it and all that and I assumed she felt the same way about me.
However one day one of the lads told me that after talking with her she apparently did have feelings before but we're too close now, which I naturally took as a polite friend zone. I still kinda kept my hopes up but stopped looking to pursue.
It all came to a head last week when both me and her were out on the same night. I met her in the bar and said hello and all that but she seemed very content with her friends and wouldn't come sit with me so I thought that's grand and let her go. I eventually met another girl that night and went back to her's for the night. Trish also met another fella and had some fun with him.
I found out about Trish and her fella the next morning and was fine with it, but when she found out later that evening that I had went home with the girl the night before she immediately changed her tone and became really off with me, and has been that way ever since.
I've since really hit it off with the girl and I'm meant to have a date with her again tomorrow but Trish just messaged me tonight saying I've broke her heart and is really giving me the whole nine yards about how I'm a dick and this and that which I'm worried will ruin our friendship and the group of 6 which to be honest is the only reason I go to college.
I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place here and I'm not sure if I've done the right thing here. Being a decent lad is my whole thing and I think now no matter what I do someone is gonna get hurt. Am I the asshole here? Or have I just gotten unlucky?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MjlOCXbgwal3ELRaFxj0RvJv3TmxWbSt | at6lag | {
"description": "not wanting to lend my house to my brother while I'm not there",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to lend my house to my brother while I’m not there? | (Tl dr at end of the post. Also, typing this up for my mom because she doesn’t want a reddit account.)
My brother (46) and I (44F) grew up poor and our dad died when we were quite young. I ended up marrying a well off guy 27 years ago, and we built a good size house in a lovely neighborhood with a guest room and a pool.
My brother went to college and became a police officer - now a Captain. He married a fellow Captain and they have 3 children. While he was at the Academy he lived with us for the whole period even though at the time we lived in a small apartment. I didn’t mind then, and was glad to help.
Nowadays he lives in a small town while I live in a big city. Sometimes he has to come here for work and he will stay at our house to save the money he gets from the police department for housing.
For years I’ve been glad to do it, but this year he has to come with his wife as they both took a week long shift for the extra money and he asked to stay here. Thing is, I’ll be traveling and I really wanted our house to remain closed. I spent weeks having it cleaned and now he is going to come and mess it up. It also racks up the bills a bit.
So I really want to tell him no, not to come and get a hotel somewhere else. Am I the asshole?
Tl;dr: i spent years letting my brother (and his family) stay at my house for various reasons and now I don’t want to anymore.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mSJD7mjFYRPAeOOsnK1pPvUlqHp9W3md | aw9n2n | {
"description": "ignoring my sister's calls from jail",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring my sister’s calls from jail? | I am 20F and my sister is 23F. She has been using hard drugs since she was 14, and got pregnant when she was 17 as a high school dropout. When I was in high school, I watched my niece whenever my sister went to work (30 hours/week + whenever she went out) for $20 a week. This worked out to $0.50-$1/hour for infant care. Fast forward a year into this arrangement and I was completely burnt out. When I brought up that I either A) wanted more than $20 for the babysitting a week or B) wasn’t going to do it anymore, my entire family freaked out at me that I was being selfish and greedy. My mom (who I did not live with) ended up blocking my phone and social media as a result of this and wouldn’t speak with me for months.
At this point my sister decided to move out, leaving her daughter with my dad and I. This meant I was now watching my niece from when I got home from school to when I would go to school again the next day. My sister was very absent during this time.
When I was a senior in high school, she started to get more involved in our lives again. Unfortunately, she was still dealing with her addiction. Long story short, she took my niece and put her in an incredibly dangerous situation that ended up putting her into the CPS system. My niece has since been fostered and now adopted by a different and much better family, so none of us has any visitation rights anymore.
After losing her daughter, my sister spiraled even more out of control. 3 wrecked cars, countless charges for possession, stealing, child endangerment, etc. At one point before I moved for college she had punched me in the face for refusing to give her a ride when I had gotten fed up with her. Anytime she called me in the past 3 years (from graduating high school to a current university student) was to beg me for money. When I stopped doing this, she would curse me out and I would get the cold shoulder from my mom who supports/enables her. My mom even paid the bill for her to go to a Rehab facility for 4 months, which of course didn’t change anything. She got right back into her bad habits straight away when she returned.
Now fast forward to today. She is in jail now (for the 4th time) and has been trying to call me every couple of days. This time no one is going to post her bail. My mom and other siblings are rallying together saying that this is our chance to “bring her back into the family fold” and that we should all write her letters and call. I have not answered any of her calls or written anything as I honestly feel a lot of resentment. Looking back, I feel that I had been manipulated and taken advantage of for years by her, yet my mother and other siblings defend her no matter what she does. I’m conflicted because she’s family, though.
AITA for ignoring her calls and wanting to cut her out of my life? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oOvATrLjLFvjgR8sYIWXSMalO01nXk3I | 9y4ji3 | {
"description": "snatching from 3 yo brother and yelling",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for snatching from 3 yo brother and yelling? | Lately, when my brother cries, and my parents make me give him my iPhone, but he plays on my phone for HOURS at a time.
The shitty thing is, he is THREE and no one else gives him anything. I don’t think three year olds should be doing this, and last night I got sick of this bullcrap so I snatched the phone off him, and hid it. He went apeshit and in all the commotion my parents came and told me to give it to him. I was already annoyed so I yell and complain at them how they make no effort to help and how no one else lets their kids do this.
Long story short, I am grounded, my brother STILL plays on my phone. And now he hates me too. But I feel rather guilty for yelling like that.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
72pOzQfetbydyQ69gsRCbU4MrqTg7ha9 | ayyq4n | {
"description": "being upset with my boyfriend after he told me not to be",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because I'm upset with my boyfriend after he told me not to be? | My boyfriend and I had plans for him to spend the night tonight at my place. He works from 3-7:30 so I was supposed to pick him up from work then take him home with me like we always do when he sleeps over.
We had spent the morning together and he took me to my doctors appointment because I needed someone to drive because anesthesia was involved. Unfortunately the appointment ran over a bit and he was slightly late for work. This was the first time hes ever been late because of me. As far as I knew our plans were still on for that night when he went to work.
Fast forward to about 7 and I show up at his work to pick him up. Just so you know, his work isnt around the corner from my house. It's 30 minutes away. He asks me why I came and says that he in fact does not want to sleep over because he has an early day tomorrow and does not want to risk being late for work again (he knew about the early day beforehand and it wasnt a problem then). He tells me not to get upset but I do and walk out.
Here's my issue: I'm mostly upset that he did not tell me before I drove all the way there that our plans were off. I know that he had hours to send me a quick text but chose not to. This has happened several times before where he fails to tell me something's off and bails at the last second. He then acts like I dont deserve to be upset about my wasted time and gas.
Second, I had absolutely no control over when my doctors appointment ended and hes never been late strictly because of me. I've always gotten him home on time. So him saying he doesnt want to spend the night was offensive to me.
Am I an asshole for being upset with him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JYyDl8zUsSj5pu4igxoIAlDzxMPWKkJp | ae30pn | null | AITA because my wife ruined my Birthday and is mad at me because I got upset about it | So were celebrating my birthday today and she goes to give me my presents. I have been asking for a tan overcoat for months now and told her that's the only thing I wanted. I go to open my presents and theres only too little boxes. So I open them ones a battery for my drone and the other is tan leather gloves. The gloves are really nice and would match the tan overcoat I wanted. So I'm just sitting there waiting for her to hand me my overcoat that I've been wanting. Were just staring at each other and I ask her where it is and she says that's it. So naturally I'm a little shocked so I just say thank you and that it. She says she couldn't find one online or in stores in time. That's would be fine if she offered to buy one in the future via online or offered to take me out shopping for it but I got nothing of the sorts. No future promise of it or anything. On top of that a similar thing happened during Christmas. We got recently got married so I spent a lot of money on the wedding and her rings. I even got her a wedding gift. I got none in return which is fine because I make more, I understand. Well before Christmas I tell her I want a drone and she says she's gonna get me more stuff and she hints at the tan overcoat and gloves I wanted. So Christmas comes, I give her a really nice Christmas with lots of thoughtful gifts on top of the wedding and the rings and wedding gift. Well I got the drone and that's it. I was disappointed because she led me to believe that I was getting the coat I wanted. She says she was sorry, and that she's going to make it up for my Birthday. I say I understand and I dont really get upset. Like I said I make a lot more money then her. So fast forward to the past couple days and she's been teasing me about my birthday presents. I'm still assuming it's the tan overcoat, and I mention it a few times. She just goes along with it. So naturally when I didn't get it, I was very upset and told her I was. She got mad at me because she says she can't do anything right and she thought the gloves plus the drone battery would be enough to make me happy. I told her that I've been asking for the coat for months now and she kinda led me on about it. Honestly this whole thing kinda ruined my birthday.Also note that the coat is around $120, and the gloves and battery cost around the same. I also told my wife were going to brooks brothers and I'm going to be a more expensive nicer overcoat to treat myself for my Birthday. So AITA for being upset about my birthday being ruined. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 29
} | WRONG |
NkAfF4H5JJtfBZY6TpGWyRZOv1YgEgpK | anbx17 | {
"description": "getting into an argument with my girlfriend about 6 month old texts",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For getting into an argument with my girlfriend about 6 month old texts? | I was talking to my girlfriend (We'll call her GF)'s buddies and one of them says: "A while ago I was flirting with GF. It was all in harmless fun" and I cut him off, saying: "When was a while ago?"
"Six months, I think. Ive got screenshots of the text convos gimmie a sec."
I read over it and they said things like "Im not Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock" at first, seemed harmless at how cheesy it was, but they started getting more into it. At one point she just said "Im soaking wet". She also sent a few pictures of lingerie and panties she wanted. I talked to her about it and she was being extremely defensive saying "I dont even remember it" and "Its totall bullshit" and even GF's friend was super defensive.
Fyi, we've been dating a year and a half now.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Yq1Dqpmv2LzWPIjoRZlIoqMIXOaR21ag | ad1mgn | {
"description": "forcing other bridesmaid to buy more expensive dress",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | WIBTA (f25) for forcing other bridesmaid to buy more expensive dress? | The situation: I went bridesmaid shopping with bride to be/her maid of honor today. Both bridesmaid and the bride fell in love with a 200 dress. The third bridesmaid had tried on this dress previously but didn’t want to spend 200 dollars and requested we keep the dress under 100 dollars. We really live this dress though and other options the third girl picked out have to be ordered online so there is no way of knowing how they fit. Also, the dress we picked is in sale now at 30$ off, making the dress 170. WWBTA for asking her to pay 70 more for the nicer dress? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
T4hKBTBEiuHdSLJretMZe36CTpgGMZaN | at10w8 | {
"description": "not wanting to get introduced to my brother's friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For not wanting to get introduced to my brother's friends? | I'm kind of shy and been having some weird anxiety over social settings that I should probably see a doctor about.
I've told my brother that I didn't want to get introduced or mingle with any of his friends before hand, while I sort things out.
Whenever I hang out with my brother, and other people are around or they want to talk to him, I just step to the side a bit and don't talk or even walk away since the convo might take long.
He'd always be bothered by it tho, and would always tell me to "stop being mean to his friends" It was okay for the first few weeks since I understood his frustration but this week was just terrible.
We were supposed to grab lunch with the fam and my dad was waiting outside the lobby for us. As we were heading outside, three of his friends simultaneously stopped him, and was engaging in small talk. I started to panic a bit and walked past them heading for the car. But my brother calls out to me and says that I should say hi to them. I turn around awkwardly and meekly said hi to his friends. I thought that would be okay for him but as we stood close to the car, he once again said that I should stop being mean to his friends. I snapped back and told him that he didn't have to introduce me to his friends. We had a heated back and forth and he didn't talk to me for two days. I just cried all night when it happened. I kinda feel stupid for it.
I just really hate the fact the he ALWAYS assumes I'm doing it intentionally to be mean to his friends, especially since I've told him I've been having trouble socializing.
TLDR: I don't want to get to know/be introduced to my brother's friends because of possible anxiety. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
LehT75DtAEFgqISbhCfVSDc2yIVCbgV1 | axfs40 | {
"description": "sleeping with someone else on my fwbs birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for sleeping with someone else on my FWBs birthday party? | Alright, so this happened some months ago, basically i was going through a phase of "Hookup culture" to the extreme. And i had commitment issues, things have changed since then, etc. However, in order to get to the point. Basically, im a 20m met with a girl F19, and we started dating, we liked eachother and we sort of clicked. We had many similar ambitions, way of thought and comedy taste. However, i wanted it to be strict FWB, mostly because i didnt have time for a relationship and i just wanted casual sex. Now, looking back at it \[I didnt realise it at the time\] she looked hesitant, but she said , Alright, and okay. Now her 20th birthday was coming up, and she was gonna host a party at her house, she is mostly upper middle class, and her family has a comfy home and backyard to say the least, so there would be a lot of people attending, when i mean a lot, i say roughly 30-40 drunk teenagers.
​
So basically, she invited me to it, and i ended up sleeping with a girl there, i was half drunk and i didnt think of the consequenses. After, i brought the girl down and my FWB started arguing with me and cussing me out, crying etc, so she literally kicked me out and i had to go, i didnt want to cause a big trouble so i took the most easy solution and went away.
Apperantly, from her friend, she had given me cues and had some feelings for me, and i found out that i slept with a friend of her, \[Did not know at the time\] i mean the reason why im asking, is because i feel bad for doing it on her birthday party, while the other half thinks that it wasnt my fault due to us being FWB.
​
So am i the asshole here?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
DgxB6StnQKXe0PZPm61iScDbqL9Tfyhf | b0t4tp | {
"description": "uninviting friend to dinner get-togethers I host",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA for uninviting friend to dinner get-togethers I host | I host dinner for 6-8 of my friends every 1-2 weeks. This has been going on since January. I 100% don't mind eating the cost of it, because I want to do something nice for my friends.
But I feel like one friend, Danny, takes advantage of it. Everyone else usually brings something to share - maybe a salad, dessert, wine, etc. Or I'll sometimes get asked if there is something specific they could bring.
Danny has brought a 22 oz beer and a 6 pack to share. There was one time I asked him to bring tequila, but he got out of work late and didn't have time to go to the store. Another time I forgot to get limes and asked if he could pick some up. He forgot, too. My boyfriend went to get them ultimately. He has also ever messaged me to ask if there's anything he could bring.
I don't mind hosting. But I feel like Danny is being an inconsiderate friend. His salary is almost x3 of mine (he knows this) so I think he should be more cognizant that I'm footing the bill to feed my friends and should be more considerate when bringing things to share. (Like, c'mon 22oz beer for 6 people?)
I want to uninvite him and tell him the reason. My boyfriend doesn't think I should in the spirit of why I decided to start doing this: to see my friends more often. I do still see him as a friend, but I guess seeing his lack of consideration for his own friends make me want to reassess my relationship with him. Do I want to care about and be generous to someone who clearly does not reciprocate?
WIBTA if I uninvited him on the account that he's a stingy guest? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
E6p3ky6niZopSP5Y0KSalsE8vkpzaz4y | ai3drn | {
"description": "not wanting to watch films/tv shows with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to watch films/tv shows with my girlfriend? | I flat out refuse to watch new films/ episodes with my girlfriend now and it ends up in an argument every time I say it.
Every single time she can’t shut up - even in the cinema. I actually pay attention and sit in silence beginning to end. If it’s in the house, she’ll pause it to ask a question, 9/10 times the answer has already been given. The other 1/10 times, I don’t know because it’s the first time I’ve watched it as well?
What makes it worse is she won’t watch stuff I’ve already seen (which is still annoying but far more bearable to deal with) because she wants to watch it “with me”, wtf does that even mean? I’m refusing to watch game of thrones with her when it’s back on and this has resulted in an argument.
I want to stress that this is EVERY TIME, I can never watch something beginning to end with no interruptions and it’s driving me nuts.
So please reassure me and confirm if IATA or not. Surely I’m not. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
lYhLW18PrddMoYLOFfD9HlNXPLg1jq2w | a4e87x | {
"description": "not wanting to have girls as friends unless it's something more",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not wanting to have girls as friends unless it's something more? | So this is not the first time this happened to me, but basically I talked to this girl online for about 7-8 months as a friend, but we both kinda knew that there is something more going on between us, i.e. we talk every day, both of us agreed to not be looking for a partner because we're happy just talking together. She even invited me as her partner for her graduation party in February, so that must mean something atleast right?! Anway fast forward I was supposed to meet her these winter holidays (around new years eve) for the first time, so I asked her what we're gonna do about that unspoken thing when we meet. Well, her reply was "Unspoken thing? I just see you as a really good friend". Obviously I was shocked and wondered if I'm just that naive and she was just being nice this whole time or if she is lying to me and something happened, but I said fine I'll go anyway to see her because yes she helped me when I felt down and had mental issues so, can't just ditch her because of that. Fast forward again to today- about a week later, we're having a conversation about the first meeting and stuff, and she asked me if I would still come if she "hypothetically" had a boyfriend. I said no, that would just be weird and awkward for both of us since I'm staying at her and her parents place for a few days right. Well, turns out she was in a relationship for a little bit, and thought I would just tell her to frig off right away if she didn't hide it from me. So then she asks me "So is that a no then? I still would like to see you because you mean a lot to me".
I've been single for my whole life and every time it's this scenario where I am in the first place and then the Blue Shell just comes for me and puts me right back in my place when I'm about to cross the finish line. I thought this time it would be different but I guess no, so that means something needs to change. And the only way to change something is to stop trying to please every side and tell her no because I'm simply not interested in yet another friendship in which I'll be the backup shoulder to cry on. Is it an asshole thing to do that, or am I justified after all the embaracement and disappointment I've been through. I just don't get that logic of not being with someone you like more just because he is too far away or you don't want to lose them, and instead choosing someone else.
tl,dr: talked to her online for some time, there was something going on between us, now revealed to me that she was in a relationship but still wants me to visit her and be her partner for a graduation party. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
c9fDveQjKDbR5qYG4SAtnlabNcZikZab | aqc2cj | {
"description": "cutting off my autistic friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for cutting off my autistic friend? | So I have this one friend that I met in elementary school. I'm 19 and she's 20. I remember she was bullied a lot and I felt really bad for her so I decided to befriend her at the time. We got along fine except she acted a little strange sometimes. I found out later she was on the spectrum (high functioning autism). We weren't super close (never really hung out) but we messaged each other on MSN and talked on the phone.
We went to different middle and high schools, plus I moved to the other side of the country so we lost touch. Last year I found her fb and added her, and then she messaged me and we were just catching up, just small talk, then she suddenly dropped all her family troubles on me. I was sympathetic and was there to listen. Every week she would message me about something new concerning her family. She would also send multiple text messages at a time (like 15) and continue messaging me even if I hadn't had a chance to message back yet. I thought it was a little weird but I let it slide, esp because of her autism.
Suddenly last summer she messaged me about wanting to visit my city and visit me as well since we hadn't seen each other in a while. I was kinda iffy about it in the beginning cause it was really sudden but she was reallyyy persistent. I eventually agreed and she decided to visit me during the winter break right after Christmas for a week.
Now when she came, that's when I realized we were really incompatible as friends. There were a lot of things about her that worked my nerves and she has a lot of strange quirks (which I assume is due to the autism). For example she would expect me and my family to wait on her. She never even did as much as take her dirty plates to the sink. Never helped out with anything. She asked my 10 yr old sister to make her breakfast once. She also had this really weird habit of going outside in the middle of the damn night and just walking outside (knowing damn well she didn't know any part of my neighbourhood). Usually I wouldn't really care, since she's a grown person but it was literally -40 celsius outside then (I live in Canada it's cold af here). I would tell her that she should take her plates back, how to make her own breakfast, that’s its not a good idea to go outside in such cold weather but she basically just did what she wanted.
She would also act really needy all the time and I felt like I always had to entertain her, which was annoying for me considering she essentially invited herself. I didn't mind touring her around the city but she wanted to go outside ALL the time (which is why she would walk around in the middle of the night). She also acted selfish and inconsiderate at times, for example she had us take an entire walk around downtown on one of the coldest days of the week, and I ended up getting mild frostbite on my fingers. She didn't really care much and still wanted to walk around. Having her around was like having a young kid around. There was no way I could introduce her to any of my other friends cause they wouldn't get along AT ALL. She acted like a 5 year old. Even my little sister was more mature.
There came a point where I was really annoyed to have her at my place. I couldn't wait for her to leave. I'm the type of person that hates excessive clinginess and neediness so I couldn't stand it any longer. My family started to get annoyed by her as well.
So when she went back home I decided there's really no way we could continue being friends. She's been trying to message me lately (she said before she went back that she wanted to visit my city again in the summer) and I ignored her calls and texts and eventually blocked her. I know it was rude to block her but I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I feel like she was expecting me to be someone I couldn’t. I’m not her mom.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
ShrR9WxwW3YFaCpG6UZcAppKT8sMsqZ1 | a5lwhw | {
"description": "refusing to do my workaholic boyfriend a favor due to the way he asked me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for refusing to do my workaholic boyfriend a favor due to the way he asked me? | He \[23M\] has an intense banking job and he needs to pickup a gift for office secret santa. He complained about his lack of time last night and said "I might need you to pickup the gift for me" then changed topics.
This morning, he said "I need you to pick up a gift for me". I told him it was rude to delegate tasks to me like that, maybe he could ask nicely if he wanted - I'd be glad to help. He then grumbled that he didn't have time to argue and to forget about it and stormed off to work.
He's been stressed but I don't want to be taken for granted.
Am I an oversensitive asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
g0O78DSID7YS50SoMZCSeovAqqpCO2pD | avftdk | {
"description": "sitting on my autistic co-worker his usual place in this open office environment",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for sitting on my autistic co-worker his usual place in this open office environment? | My workplace has this open office area where everyone can sit where they want as long as it's free and you're with your team. One day I was late at work and all places were taken except one spot at the corner. Now this place is almost always taken by a co-worker who is autistic. I have no idea what influence it has on him tbh, but he seemed pretty normal (except for being quite quiet) so I never treated him differently.
So I saw the open spot, put my stuff there and installed myself. About 20 minutes later the co-worker arrived and saw me at "his" place. He looked at me and conversation went as next:
Him: "Can you move, that's my usual place"
Me: "I know but it's an open office here and I need to sit with my teammembers"
Him: "There are some spots left in the upper floor"
Me: "Yeah, but my team is here"
He sighed and just left. Then some of the people in around us accused me of being insensitive and that I should have given that place because he's autistic and can't go well with "changes". Others said I had the right to sit there since it's an open office and the co-worker needs to accept it.
Soo, AITA for sitting on \*his\* place and not moving because he's autistic?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
kOjnSRD2SlRayZRL8AgwoOyrjzotbG8u | aixxym | {
"description": "making my wife shower with the window wide open",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my wife shower with the window wide open? | Long standing feud between us is that our bathroom is in an old house that has poor insulation and a fully tiled bathroom. With a really hot shower the bathroom walls and ceiling gets really damp with condensation and leads to mould etc. There is an extractor fan but it doesn't seem to be able to ventilate the entire bathroom to the point of drying the walls and ceiling leading to mould. The irony is the wife is really bothered by any mould spots on the ceiling paint so my job is to prevent it. So.... AITA for making my wife shower with the window open to let the steam out as its made to prevent mould, if it makes her cold? Personally it doesnt affect me as I get really hot from the water and then if its cold as I get dry I manage until I leave and then get dressed elsewhere. This applies mainly in the winter as in the summer it isn't an issue as it's warm. Thanks for the judgements :) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SIdwzDyvKl4AwSoAsD2CEmWRZwymlAlj | b6om6g | {
"description": "drawing terribly on purpose",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for drawing terribly on purpose? | First time posting on this sub so I apologize in advance for the format (also using my phone to type this) TL;DR at the bottom
For some background information, I'm going into design school (yes, yes, suffering art student with no job in the future, I've heard it all). My friends all say I draw extremely well and hold high standards to my artistic abilities. I've been homing my skills for years now, so I've recently decided to try commissioning for some friends and classmates (I usually charge $20 or more depending on the size and type of work I'm doing). I've even managed to land myself a commision to design a logo for an undisclosed sports centre.
My friend, let's call him Jim. He's recently gotten into DnD, and has homebrewed an avatar bear. You read that correctly. An avatar bear. As in a badass bear who controls the elements. He's asked me to design and create a piece of this said bear. When I asked if I was going to be paid, he immediately said no, as I was "only making some stupid bear." Stupid you say? I'll show you stupid.
I half assed this mutant thing of a bear in about a minute and sent him a picture of it. The only thing he's sent so far is "that's not what I asked for."
Yes but if you want me to spend time and effort on your bear, at least pay me a reasonable amount. I don't even care if its $10. You're my friend so you can pay me $5 for all I care. But for the love of god, I'm not wasting hours of my life drawing some bear for free. I have school work too and a university portfolio to finish. Please don't take advantage of me and make me draw some bear for free just because we're friends.
TL;DR my friend wanted me to do a commission for free because we're friends so I drew the ugliest thing ever and sent it to him.
AITA for deliberately drawing terribly because I'm not getting paid to do it?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
FwNfTawVfb02Oq0sykushnjKxYic9zUe | 9ylz49 | {
"description": "saying that makeup is gross and girls are beautiful without it",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA - for saying that makeup is gross and girls are beautiful without it | i was talking to a (f)riend and they sent me a post with a girl (maybe 10) with heavy makeup on. i responded with "that girl is wearing so much makeup its disgusting i find girls look better without it" and she got really offended.
i don't know if i'm the asshole because she seemed to get really offended over it but all i was saying was that girls are more attractive when you can see their face. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
vuPWeRocm56yh2fIp02B0NkUPCkzpvpn | agtsmu | {
"description": "\"feeling sorry for myself\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for "feeling sorry for myself". | Throwaway because I know people who actively use reddit.
TLDR at bottom
I recently left a job that I didn't like very much, but definitely needed, for another really great job with better pay. Throughout the 3 interview process, I was repeatedly told they would work with my daily 8 to 5 availability, so I took the opportunity. I won't go into too much detail but basically this was crap, and they wanted me to stay until 730 pm 3 nights a week. I can't because my one year old's daycare closes at 6 and my husband's job is 10 to 7 m-f. His boss was unable to accomadate him as well. I know, I know, hire a sitter right? Different topic for a different day but feel free to ask in comments. Anyway I resigned Monday. I was heartbroken because the first 2 weeks went so great, I fit right in and had never felt so confident or good about myself in my life. The past 2 days I have been rejected by 7 different places, 2 via phone call. I feel so low. And honestly have been crying on and off today. I am so stressed, I need to find a job asap.
Now fast forward to tonight.
My husband came home earlier. He brought food but I don't have an appetite. He asked if I wasn't going to eat and I quietly said I wasn't hungry. Then he said "so, what, you're just gonna sit around feeling sorry for yourself?"
Initially I was just shocked. It wasn't just what he said but how he said it. Now I am just trying to keep myself from exploding.
AITA for taking a day to just cry about an amazing opportunity I lost, plus all of the rejection I have been hit with?
TLDR had to give up an amazing opportunity after leaving the only stable job I had for it. Been facing rejection from several workplaces the past 2 days. Sat around today and cried, also didn't have an appetite. Husband told me I was feeling sorry for myself. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BW1aBCnsrF37bXIhMfFSN5yGTkDfUZC5 | au29qk | {
"description": "ignoring a visit from a cable company because of my social anxiety",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for ignoring a visit from a cable company because of my social anxiety? | So, my mother set up an appointment with WOW a few weeks ago, and today is the day they were scheduled to show up. Well, they did and I deliberately dodged all of their attempts to contact me. It was so embarrassing. My neighbor even checked to see if I was ok..
(I'm 18, and also a recovering anorexic, who deals with substance abuse and I believe I may have drug induced paranoia/anxiety.)
edit; my mother was charged $100 just because of it, which I have to pay. This sucks. All because I couldn't open a door. :/ been creeping around my apartment ever since. (Unstable relationship with downstairs neighbors.) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
NBBmEKLchY8Q9zvimsk5LWDrlkJHeOGH | aesq2c | {
"description": "not wanting to switch off days",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to switch off days ? | New co worker asked to switch off days, I work tues-sat and she works mon-fri. She asked to switch a mon for a sat. I honestly like being off on mon, not having to deal with monday workers and gives me a business day to run around and do errands. AITA for saying no? We are a small company so Im realistically the only person who can cover. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4er0m1JUMWWeuS7gM8ClgFDqm7wRxFDA | b1wx0q | {
"description": "leaving my boyfriend at a convention",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving my boyfriend at a convention? | Let me start off with saying he's not alone. He's with his friends. He and I came here and planned this for awhile. He told his Dnd group we were doing this and one of them decided to drive herself and her brother down as well. Ill be honest, I'm not exactly happy they are here. They have sucked up every ounce of his attention. Not to his fault, that's just the type of people they are. If they weren't hanging him ALL DAY, I wouldnt have a problem with it. I just feel like they have hijacked our plans.
I do enjoy conventions but being around a mass number of people for long times makes me really anxious and I get kinda clingy. He knows this and takes it in stride. He does extremely well when we go out and I start to get anxious. He distracts me and makes me laugh and I calm down. He is essentially and effectively a security blanket. But he couldn't do that with his friends taking all his attention.
So I got overly stressed and tried to tell him I was gonna go back to the hotel 3 times. But everytime I tried I was interrupted(it has been happening all day) So I gave up and just left. I texted him to let him know. However texts seem to be slow. He hasn't sent one back yet. Knowing him he won't show if he's upset with me. I did apologize in my text and will explain myself better if he asks.
I just want to know if leaving how I did, makes me an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
DHzNeFrIBS0sPboUx2K7yUz5g8RbysNx | asko2n | {
"description": "criticizing a very cheap written product I bought",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for criticizing a very cheap written product I bought? | I just bought a small one-page PDF (a game about character design) for $1 that was published today. I had high hopes but it fell very short. I wanted to write a review on its' social media page because I felt that other buyers could benefit from a warning.
I didn't want to rant on the page so soon after release, so I messaged the author and asked if it was okay to do so. They wanted to see it privately first:
>*Just bought this and read through it.*
>*I’m quite confused as to what the purpose of this game is. *
>*It seems like the purpose is a round-table creative experience where each person is prompted to come up with a very basic character through the lens of grief and emergency triage, but at no point do you participate in the creative process of another person and it ends up being just a series of individual experiences. What was the intended experience when this was designed?*
>*I liked the aesthetics and theming, loss in transhumanist contexts where the rules don’t line up with the real-world human condition is very near and dear to my heart - but this was a very thin vertical slice of something I would have liked to have seen more of. Why are AI treated like objects? Why is there only time to save so little when falling into an atmosphere takes a long while? What exactly is a “[phrase]” and why is it never referred to or mentioned again? You are given a jumbled grab-bag of sci-fi concepts that don’t relate to each other very much and asked to make concrete out of smoke.*
>*Overall, I would not pay a dollar for this - but I would definitely pay far more for something deeper and more defined, such as a short story with these sort of themes. [Product] as it is now is far too shallow and undefined for me to like it.*
Their response:
>*You seem to be taking a lot of the concepts inside the game with a mix of literal and figurative seriousness that makes this critique go all over the place.*
>*[phrase] is a pretty term for what’s happening [in the game]. It also makes the title there spell [acronym]. This is at the peak of the Character’s arc. the timing is dramatic, not literal, as in almost every narrative.*
>*Humans treat AI like objects every day, so I’m not sure why that stands out. It’s part of the disconnect between technology and humanity, which is central to [the genre] as a whole.*
>*It’s not meant to be more defined, because it’s a jam game made in a very short time period that is available for a single dollar, despite the fact that’s underselling my work considerably. *
>*I did take the time to answer this despite you just following me [on social media] seconds ago, so keep in mind that I’ve been a gamedev for about 4 years professionally and I do know what I’m doing.*
Their response seems hostile and condescending. I don't care at all about the dollar I spent, but the author's response has thrown me off-balance. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QsnzORL2drZtYhl8fzaILAqUJVnh7vYX | a91fgh | {
"description": "lying to my brother for the rest of our lives about having a disorder",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA for lying to my brother for the rest of our lives about having a disorder? | My brother who is 2 years younger than me has Aspberger's. We have known for years but it's not something that we talk about in my family because my brother is embarrassed of it in a way. He is EXTREMELY smart and always has been. He excels in math and physics and everything in between. He is going to college and taking hard classes that he does well in. Lately, he has been depressed. More than depressed. A couple of months ago, he tried to take his own life by getting drunk and swallowing a bottle of acetaminophen. He and I are extremely close and he only talks to me. He called me in a panic hours after doing this and I took him to the hospital. He went to outpatient treatment after getting discharged from inpatient. The nurse had called me and asked if my brother was diagnosed with autism ever because he shows some clear signs. I talked to my brother about it today and he is still somewhat denying that he has autism.
My brother loves me to death and I love him just as much. He has always looked up to me. I can't imagine a world without him. He loves how much more alike we get as we get older. He constantly says it with a big smile on his face. I have tried to talk to him about his autism and how he shouldn't be ashamed and he should own that about himself because some people don't even realize he has bad communication skills and he's so damn smart. Occasionally, his bad communication skills are very apparent and his disorder is obvious in other ways as well. I try to tell him that people say Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs have Aspberger's but it doesn't do much for him when I say that. I feel if I tell my brother I have Aspberger's as well he would learn to love it and not deny it anymore, possibly helping himself.
Would I be an asshole if I live a lie for the rest of my life to make my brother feel he's not alone and possibly help him move forward in life? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
gfvimZx1rMBPxRbTD0h2y4Y5gNDIdlXb | acml4b | {
"description": "not helping my friend earn an extra $200 without receiving a portion",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my friend earn an extra $200 without receiving a portion? | This happened a little over two years ago, but I still think about it wondering if I was the asshole a lot because it ended our friendship. I'm posting here to either get peace of mind knowing I was in the right or grow from past selfish behavior. I've asked people over the years, but they are obviously biased towards me since they know me personally.
A couple years back, my friend was offered a supervisory for an all-day event, let's say an art fair. The duties required being there or the entire day, hiring workers, and picking up and dropping off the supplies. He would receive a $100 bonus for both picking up and dropping off the supplies for a total of $200.
He hired me to work the event which was fine, but because he didn't have a car, he asked me to drive him to pick up and drop off the supplies. I told him sure, but I requested half of what he would make since the only reason he would be able to earn the $200 bonus was with my help. He told me no so I offered to let him borrow my car instead or negotiate down to a smaller fraction. He got very angry because I knew he did not like to drive in the city, and I wasn't willing to drive him without compensation.
He tried to emphasize that he wouldn't be able to do it without me, and I told him that if he knew he was unable to fulfill the duties, he should have recommended me for it instead. His argument was that it was selfish of me to demand his money This, however, would have taken at least two hours of my time total, and I felt I was being taken advantage of given he wouldn't even offer gas money. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
K5uEnJ9sd5XT1u8Cs17DYBmbYQwNqEPp | b13cbo | {
"description": "cancelling my daughter's visit with her Dad",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For cancelling my daughter's visit with her Dad? | A little background. Ex, "James", and I split when daughter was 1.5 months old, 8 months now. Typical shenanigans you'd expect when a woman boots out the father of her kid when their child is so young. Cheating, lying, slacking on financial/household/personal responsibilities and verbal abuse. The Beatles lied, love is not all you need.
So he was a terrible partner, but a pretty loving, attentive father. So I focus on that, how he is as a father.
Anyway, he wants her, he's good with her & he loves her. However, his visits & effort revolve around his work (naturally) and his social life. Until 3 weeks ago, he only had her 1 day/wk for a few hours. His choice, not mine. He always had excuses as to why he couldn't take her more often, some valid, most not.
He typically goes out drinking the night before he has her. Hes usually 1 or 2 hours late, some weeks he cancels last minute & 2x not come at all. That's ONE night a week to not go party. We agreed on half of daughter's direct major (not all) expenses for CS and he's usually late. He tells me he doesnt have any money, but then I hear abt him out at the bar.
Recently, I lost my job. Hes been taking her 2-3x/wk so that I can focus on the job hunt. He was doing so good, but then yesterday he cancelled bc he wasnt feeling good. Ok, creates some extra work for me to find a sitter, but again hes been doing so good, so I dont give him a hard time.
Here's the AITA situation. At 10am, we confirmed drop off at 11. He wanted 11:30 for more sleep (gets off at 10pm), I had an interview so it really needed to be 11. He ok's it. Ends up being 11:30 anyway bc LO wanted a bottle. now I'm running late, but not his fault. I called him otw over there, figure he could get that extra sleep he wanted. No answer to 2 out of 3 calls. One was a pickup with silence. I had my mom on standby in case James flaked. I get there, knock, wait over 5 minutes (yes I was watching) for him to answer the door. Then hes leisurely putting his clothes on, hes gotta go to the bathroom, expected me to unload daughter, her stuff from the car & several boxes I brought for him (a little of his stuff, some stuff I was getting rid of anyway that he said he could use while he leisurely sets up her bouncer instead of helping me unload the car like I asked.
I'm late. For an *interview*. And he cant pick up his feet? I get pissed bc once again everything is about him, his convience & comfort, at my expense. Its 11:45 and daughter is still in the car, so I tell him you know I'm running late, you're dragging your feet so I'll just get my mom to watch her. And leave.
AITA for cancelling that visit?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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} | RIGHT |
uAwqzpbrGJWScnqGhK5Jbu0OLKInndWx | a7l6kx | {
"description": "getting annoyed that my dad is trying buying me a phone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting annoyed that my dad is trying buying me a phone? | Ok, so some background. I'm a chocolatier that's currently working part time while completing my studies whilst living with my parents to save money in order to have a solid foundation when I move out, and I consider myself a pretty heavy phone user. Pictures, games, reading... I pretty much do it all on my phone + computer for anything heavier. But my current Snapdragon 820 android phone has been getting really slow and the 32gb of memory has been driving me nuts. So I've been looking to buy a new phone for quite a while.
So my dad asks me what I want for Christmas, and I tell him I'm trying to get a new phone. But I before he walks away I tell him he doesn't need to do anything because mom already said she'd help me foot half the bill for a brand new unlocked phone - half from her, half from relatives and the rest from me. That's where the problems start.
The problem is, my mom just told me that my dad got scammed on the Facebook marketplace out of $100 while trying to buy something. When my mom confronts him and asks what he was trying to buy, he says it's a phone. That he wanted to give to me for Christmas.
Now I appreciate the gesture, and it's nice that he went out of his way, but it's just a little infuriating to me. I already specifically told him I wanted to get a better phone (like a OnePlus or Galaxy at least) and I thought I made it clear that j was willing to foot the entire bill and not just half of it if it meant I could get the latest and greatest.
But according to my mom, his reasoning is that "it's just a phone, he just needs something that works", and he got defensive and started arguing with my mom after that.
AITA for wishing he'd stop wasting money on what he thinks is the right course of action (because I'd never use the phone) and not just appreciating what he gave me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
kb8tqjS4oWNZr4V2TXpwxSJtqg6HbPqy | aouq6a | {
"description": "not letting my GF's Auntie eat my ham",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not letting my (M24) GF's (F23) Auntie (F57) eat my ham? | Just some backstory here. I am currently living at my girlfriend's mum's house as a temporary arrangement due to undergoing spinal surgery in November 2018, as the shower and other facilities are easier for me to use due to my immobility.
I purchased a pack of rather expensive Tesco's Finest Ham Off the Bone yesterday, in which you get four slices per pack. These are for my dinner to take to work as I work shifts.
Today, I was sat in the living room watching the football, when my girlfriend's Auntie walked in the house to take herself and her Mum out for clothes shopping. This was around 3:15pm in the afternoon. As her Auntie walked into the kitchen, she said she was hungry and hadn't had anything to eat. My girlfriend's Mum then offered her some snacks, or to make a sandwich for her. My girlfriend's Mum then opened the fridge, looked inside for sandwich filler and informed the Auntie that there was some ham. As it happened, there were two packs of ham. One had around 12 slices in, was a bit thinner than the ham I purchased but was by no means cheap and nasty.
Now, when the Auntie looked at both packs of ham, she decided that she wanted the pack which I had bought, which contained only four slices, was expensive (£4.00) and was for work. The Mum then explained that the ham belonged to me, but that she's sure I wouldn't mind if she ate it. At this point, I explained that the ham was actually for my dinner at work and only has four slices in, which in fact aren't even large slices. They would be sufficient for one sandwich, as they are like bacon medallions but smaller.
I said it was quite expensive as ham goes, and that I bought them for work. I then said what is wrong with the other ham? The silence was deafening. I went to sit back down in the living room, and my girlfriend came in to state how "rude, selfish and ungrateful" I am. I was incredibly surprised by this as my girlfriend in the past has actually made comment on how ill mannered and cheeky her Auntie can be when in someone else's house as a guest.
This has now caused a rift, and I am now feeling ostracised and out of place, and to make matters worse, my girlfriend was supposed to be taking me out for a birthday meal tonight. But that has been cancelled, on her part. I'm in genuine shock. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
qYcXUWZ5rlMp07Kx4Hdu1VE3FQyJHIg9 | au3fa2 | {
"description": "not being willing to hold my niece after losing my baby",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not being willing to hold my niece after losing my baby? | So I had a miscarriage a few months before my niece was born. It wrecked me. That baby was my first child, whether he was born or not. I know not everybody struggles with an early-ish loss, but it tore me apart.
My niece was born a few months later. I told my brother and sister in law what happened (even though I really didnt want to) and explained that right now being around babies under the age of one is really hard for me and I was going to need to distance myself for the sake of my mental health.
When she was born I didnt go to the hospital to meet her. I did go to a bbq for her a few weeks later, but didnt hold her. It's not just her, I didnt hold any baby under the age of one until after my son was born. It was just too painful and would leave me crying when I got home.
My SIL texted me getting super pissed saying that she doesnt understand why I wont hold my niece. I explained to her again why it was so painful to be around babies at this time. And she repeatedly responded with, "well I'm sorry but I just dont get it".
I told her that her refusing to understand hurts me and that my mental health needed to come first. She continued to get mad so now I have very minimal interaction with her.
So AITA for not being able to hold my niece when it was so painful to do so even though I very thoroughly explained to them why I couldn't bring myself to do it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
gwQoOaVaQGUGikmvcf85AV9DKQVQamxO | 9wfnty | {
"description": "just wanting to enjoy my vacation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 81
} | AITA for just wanting to enjoy my vacation? | AITA for just wanting to enjoy my vacation?
My boyfriend and I rented a cabin for a weekend several hours from home. When we were there and unpacking, my boyfriend realized he forgot some of his meds at home (he has restless leg syndrome, trigeminal neuralgia, some sort of TMJ issue, anxiety, and GERD), and decided to find the closest Walgreens to transfer over the meds he takes for TN since he gets his meds from the Walgreens at home. They agreed to transfer and had them ready for him to pickup, but the closest Walgreens was about 2 hours away. He tried to transfer it to a different closer pharmacy, but there were issues with insurance, so he was just going to go to that Walgreens.
I wanted a nice, quiet weekend. I didn't want to leave or drive anywhere else since we did that long drive, so I told him I wasn't coming. He seemed fine with going alone for what would be 4 hours total just to get a few pills. I got mad and told him the whole point of this was to spend time together and if he left for 4 hours to get his drugs it would defeat the whole purpose of the trip. He got pretty mad and told me it would defeat the purpose of the trip if he was in so much pain he couldn't move or speak so he was going to get his meds whether I wanted him to or not. I got a whole lecture about chronic pain and how I don't think he's as bad off as he really is because he doesn't let me see him at his worst when he's in the most pain, and I may see that during this trip because we'll be together for several days. He told me about what TN is, how it impacts the body, what his meds do to help, etc. Basically, the bottom line was, he was convinced he'd be in too much pain to enjoy the weekend without these meds.
So he went to the Walgreens and I sat alone in a cabin in a beautiful area for 4 hours, and he returned with just a few pills. He drove 4 hours for some drugs because he claims they make him be in less pain. I guess I was madder about it than I thought because, according to him, I was an asshole the whole weekend.
He actually broke up with me a week later and referenced that weekend when I asked him what the breaking point was. He said he needs someone that understands he has chronic health problems that are not his fault he has, are incurable, and that he will probably need meds or some sort of treatment for for the rest of his life. That person needs to understand he is in pain, and he often downplays that pain as to not bother or concern people with it.
Now, I think this is BS and that I was totally understanding. I think he's being dramatic, especially about that weekend. No way any health problem hurts that badly someone can't go a couple days without medication. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 81,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 81
} | WRONG |
yuf5E241AccQJrdMEIng2d9VKxqp2TkN | agtqsd | {
"description": "threatening a restraining order against the woman who fell in love with my wife and won't stop trying to contact her",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for threatening a restraining order against the woman who fell in love with my wife and won’t stop trying to contact her? | So my wife had a friend from work, a woman, who was a lesbian (she knew but it wasn’t important), and they became fast friends. My wife rather quickly learned that she was the type of friend that replied of her (rather than her own wife) for emotional support and was... damaged in such a way that my wife had to be careful of what she said around her, as she would take offense at things that weren’t mean to offend.
Eventually, whilst drunk, she admitted to my wife that she was in love with my wife. At this point, my wife told her that wasn’t appropriate, that she should talk to her own wife about this, and that they shouldn’t remain friends or talk. She then completely cut her off. Email, text, phone calls, everything.
Yeah. It was a little brutal, but I guess I kinda get it.
But it’s been 6 months. And she’s still trying to call, and actually showed up at our house once, but left before ringing the bell or knocking. She called three times in a row this night and I answered the third time after declining the first two and told her we were considering a restraining order and would go through with it if this continued.
AITA for that? Maybe I’m too connected to the situation to be sure. I think I’m defending my wife and family, but I feel a little bad about it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
sTkuYpaxiLumJIgv1CuHa41RqmMyi3na | b64ey8 | {
"description": "refusing to visit my boyfriend at his house",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to visit my boyfriend at his house | So I’m gonna try to keep this as short and sweet as I can without leaving out key details.
So I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than a year and things have been pretty good besides your typical ups and downs of a relationship. Overall he’s a great guy, and I love him dearly. But I HATE going to visit him at his house. It’s not that his house isn’t clean, or that it’s too small or anything. It’s simply because I don’t feel welcomed there.
I know you’re probably thinking “how do you not feel welcome in your boyfriends house!?” Especially after three years. Well here are a few key details: I’m never allowed to just be there freely. I always have to sneak in and out and make sure that I’m not seen by anyone coming in or going out. I can’t be there while his parents are home either.
It leads me to believe that his parents simply may not like me (why I have zero clue). He constantly assures me that it’s fine that I come over when clearly it’s not. He fails to understand that if I ever get caught in his house unbeknownst to his parents that IM THE ONE that’s going to be judged and looked at in a negative light.
After this passed year of sneaking in and out, at times having to basically bolt out of his house to avoid being spotted by a family member, I finally grew tired. I told him, probably super aggressively that I’m never coming back to his house until I’m welcomed.
I just feel like I’m too old to have to sneak in and out of my mans home, especially when I live alone and there are other options. I understand that sometimes he doesn’t want to always have to drive to my house, but I don’t feel like I should have to be forced to be somewhere I’m not comfortable.
AITA for refusing to go back until I’m formally welcomed into his home? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
My6uPYrChT4brLD0xhaxo2nqiJvAy1Gx | ajkl39 | {
"description": "going ballistic on my friend after getting sick of her attitude if she was also being abused",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going ballistic on my friend after getting sick of her attitude if she was also being abused? | Sorry if my side is a little long. I'll split it up so it's not just a huge wall of text. A while back, I had this really good friend. Let's call her Sydney. Sydney and I were inseparable for about two years, but over that time, Sydney treated me, and everyone else, pretty poorly. I didn't realize how emotionally and mentally abusive she was acting towards me until I separated myself from her and my day to day mood and overall self-esteem practically instantly improved. Before that, I just kept taking her shit and forgiving her or believing her when she blamed everyone else. I can't explain everything Sydney did, for obvious reasons, but here are some of the things I can remember off the top of my head to help understand her general attitude.
She made me (and many of her other friends) genuinely see myself as a terrible person, and I thought all our problems were *always* my fault. If I just worked harder on myself, Sydney wouldn't be "so depressed". I was mean. I was jealous. I was arrogant. Etc. I could never do anything right for her. She told me all of those things to my face repeatedly, and would tell me that I was hurting her like her past friends had*.* It's important to note she had a LOT of "ex" friends. I didn't have many friends, I was shy and quiet, but of the ones I did have, none of them I ever had issues with except her. She also *always* had to be the victim. In any situation. She complained all the time about everything and everyone, and about how the world was basically out to get her. But no one else was ever could speak about their problems. If so, she would "one up" them every time while faking sympathy. She also hated when ever anyone had achievements or happy events she didn't have. For instance, if I got a good grade on a test (Sydney never had decent grades), she would be jealous and a little pissy for days afterwards.
She would have a new boyfriend every week practically, say she was in love with them, and then next week they'd be gone and suddenly they had been abusing her. She dated my ex-boyfriend immediately after he and I broke up (which I was okay with even though it's somewhat shady usually because we were all friends together). But then she claimed I was "jealous" and was trying to get him to cheat on her with me. Even though she was THERE when I told him we cannot hang out alone anymore and went out of my way to distance myself from him. I was pretty hurt she would accuse me of such a thing, but she refused to apologize or even admit she was wrong. She was also extremely vain. She made me spend hours waiting for her in clothing stores at times while knowing I hated that kind of thing, would play with her hair all the time, would express to me that she was glad I would never have the "pretty girl problems" being "wanted for my body" like she does, things like that.
I once told her to back off her boyfriend because she was insisting he HAD to come with us to my house in order to hang out. He was sick and didn't want to, so I told her he should be able to go home and rest. She completely flipped out, cancelled our hang, and threw books at me before storming off. What finally ended our friendship though were two specific events. She started dating this one guy who notoriously was a heartbreaker after breaking up with our mutual friend. I warned her that he was known for being a man whore, had already used and abused several girls, etc. She freaked out on me because she said I was insinuating *she* was a whore because she had ALSO dated many guys. I told her that wasn't at all what I meant; I was just trying to protect her from being hurt again. She stopped talking to me for over a month and blocked me on her Facebook anyhow.
Flash forward, we made up, which only entailed me apologizing to her as it always did. Anyhow, a few weeks later my grandmother died. I go to her and my other friend, and after saying how sorry she was for my grandmother's passing, she starts complaining to me immediately about how "awful I always was to her" and how "I was always attention seeking". How "I drained her and made her feel like shit".
Yeah, I had my problems. I was severely insecure, depressed, and had many immature behaviors that I didn't work through until long after High School which was when we were friends. That was still the last straw to me for her to make it about herself again RIGHT after I learned of my grandmother's death. I completely snapped, told her off, told her basically she was a narcissistic bitch and that's why she's always whining that everyone hates her, told her she was ugly inside and out on top of being a slut so the only reason guys were around her at all was because she put out, but she could never hang on to them because of that as well: all my frustration that I had let go of for two years to spare her feelings came out at that exact moment.
And trust me, I sent her walls of terrible things. Not all of them were even entirely true. Some of what I said I only said because I KNEW they would sting her. Or I would throw things back in her face I knew she was insecure about. It was mean-spirited, petty, and probably seriously hurt her. I also knew from experience her parents were awful and that was likely part of why Sydney was how she was to everyone. For an example of one of the fairly minor issues with her parents, Sydney's mom constantly compared her daughter to me, pestering her all the time about why she couldn't just be like me. I felt bad about her difficult home life all our friendship. She really was abused by at least one of her boyfriends that I knew of as well, although probably not to the extent she loved telling everyone. Regardless, it felt good finally standing up to her after she'd spent our whole friendship spitting in my face. Still, I have always since then had a voice telling me I did a horrible thing and then felt awesome about it even though I was in the wrong. Did I?
TL;DR, Was I being an asshole by ranting over text to Sydney about her shittiness as a human being after two years of suppressing my feelings?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FwOr4ehtxClqSLf3rz5HNJ9FABIr7nzk | azwirw | {
"description": "hating weddings",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for hating weddings? | I hate weddings. First off i would like to say i enjoy socialising and going for days/weekends away...but i just can't stand weddings. I love my girlfriend to bits but i have had to stop her spending so much money on hen partys, clothes for weddings ect. So far this year we have 3 weddings to attend but so far we have had to fork out £1300 and we haven't even got to the first wedding yet. If i hadn't of opened my mouth and stopped her we would of spent thousands on weddings come the end of the year. She seems to think IATA for not being happy for someone's big day but.....honestly i couldn't give a shit , even more so when the bride insists on having a hen party abroad and then one at home with a £200 cost for a hotel. Why the hell do i feel like an asshole for not wanting to spend money we dont have on a special day for somone who i have spoke to about twice. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
EcocDysyPyxxbz3SZiHATATP7ppWK8Pz | arvlgx | null | AITA: Friends ruin my life, leave, but one friend stays their friend | (sorry new to reddit so have to resubmit this lmao)
So some backstory:
I have actual PTSD. Like. Went to a therapist and everything, I'm on medication for it. So about half a year ago some friends ended up leaving for reasons I'm still not 100% sure on. But from what I know basically one kept saying I was "spreading drama" because after they had left the friend group and said "naw I don't think of you guys as friends anymore", I spoke up about not feeling comfortable about them being in the guild (this isn't the story for this post just hang on), other friend said "ohhh but they're soooo good for the guild" I said whatever, fine. Left it at that. Just didn't talk in that chat and ignored them. Figured it was fine. Few months later two others end up leaving cause of? Some..?? reason?? Like I said I think its cause the first one who left thought I was spreading rumors and trying to "cause drama" when I wasn't.
Still they never actually said. When most people asked they would FULL. ON. BLOCK THEM. (They also stole my guild but oh well. bye 3 years of work i guess lmao) Then 2 others left, one said I was an asshole, again, didn't explain why so I was left confused as well as other friends. Because from what I know, I've only ever offered her a kind hand, and a place to be herself and love herself. Other friends agreed and were extremely confused why she thought that. Not trying to even boost my ego (like i have one lmao) I try to be nice to everyone, and spread as much love as I can.
The other one we kinda just.. let go her way cause she clearly hated us all and would legit tweet about us and how we're all shitty and she never had any good online friends, and also would constantly say she, NOT EVEN JOKING, 100% thinks the world would be better if men didn't exist and trans women are just men in "disguise"... she dated a trans woman....... I have no idea what happened to her. She just.. became such a bad person.
ANYWAYS. SO!!!! A good friend of mine for the past like 4 years, is still friends with some of these people. And like I said, I have PTSD from being abandoned, lied to, abused, ect ect ect. the list goes on. Its a great time. She also reblogs (yeah I use tumblr on occasion sorry lmao) their art. So like. I get to see it. In my face. After she knows how much these people goofed me up. I was suicidal for two months, and needed to constantly be talked down. I was not doing okay. And idk man, if I knew someone had done THAT MUCH to a friend, I would block them and never talk to them again. But she just, doesn't seem to care. Then is confused why I don't really wanna do stuff with her. I'm trying to be the bigger person, but being reminded of how much those people messed me up, abandoned me, and won't even tell me whats wrong.. It just hurts. I'll sometimes be awake at night crying because of how much they hurt me. I don't AT ALL believe I'm 100% the victim cause CLEARLY I did something.
(side note though. I'm now friends with one of the girls that left, now ex bfs. And he said she was pretty notorious for dropping people from friend groups cause they annoyed her in some way so I'm not like.. questioning what I did TOO much. Like I'll take responsibility but I'm 90% sure was mad I didn't like her "new best friend", want them kicked form the guild, and did this as revenge. but idk. Her ex confirmed she'd be that petty. She's the same bitch that lied about having DID so... idk man. She's not okay in the head)
I'm just not sure what to do. I feel like a dick for not wanting to be around her, but anytime I am I just think "you are friends.. with those assholes...."
This isn't the first time this friend has kinda.. ignored peoples feelings on stuff like this. She keeps saying she likes to be "neutral" on stuff. But if being neutral is still hurting people then you're just picking the side of the one that hurt the other. I feel like with such a big split like this I'd just rather her pick a side. She can't have her cake and eat it too.
But again, i don't even know anymore. Ami I the asshole? If a friend did this to you, how would you feel?
sorry for spelling mistakes and stuff. | HISTORICAL | {
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vsHTQ79ABOyK6fIaKWwrliwh7dHby0T5 | b89im0 | {
"description": "ranting to boyfriend almost my feminist views",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA Ranting to boyfriend almost my feminist views | First of all before I start I would like to clarify i'm not a radical feminist, I believe women aren’t treated the same in other countries and it upsets me. I have my little moments where I rant about how women aren’t treated equal in other places in the world and I can understand why that’s annoying. Anyway I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone about it and he hanged up, a few minutes I calmed down after my ranting period and I went to go text him to apologize, knowing what I did was wrong. He texted me saying he believes men also go through stuff, which I totally agree with. He says he feels like being a white male makes him feel like everyone hates him, and that everyone else that’s a white male also goes through it. I began to tell him that I can understand why he feels like that, but he doesn’t seem to understand my points. The only thing I thought I said that was kind of offensive was me saying that man started this, because it is true, what kind of women would bring this upon another woman. I don’t hate men and I hate the me who started this oppression.
I am a hispanic female, I was raised to believe that women should be submissive to their husbands and to tend them to their needs, and also the whole women should act like this and look like this is very prevalent in my family. Knowing that there’s women who have it way worse than this, honestly makes me mad. The whole thing really makes me feel weird so who else can talk to my feelings to? My boyfriend. I feel like he tends to ignore what I say and likes to bring up something else to make me view that the situation isn’t important.
Discrimination to white people is still discrimination obviously, but it had nothing to do with what I was talking about. I want to be heard, but I also feel like i’m doing the same thing to him, so am I the A-hole here?
Sorry if my grammar is bad, my English isn’t the best | HISTORICAL | {
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SscEk2ef5IHoliorGmMqX8wZEqO1xNoM | 9vd8rl | {
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my girlfriend everyday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to hang out with my girlfriend everyday? | I love her very, very much. I absolutely love spending time with her and talking to her. But there’s days where I still want to talk to her (messages and phone calls throughout the day), but I just want to spend time with myself to enjoy hobbies or netflix.
We’re in a LDR (UK and USA/CA) so the 8 hour difference is a bitch. I work 8 hours a day and get off of work either right when she wakes up (2pm for me). I spend my weekends running errands before she wakes up, so we can hang out all day.
I feel guilty as hell, like I’m an asshole for not wanting to spend time with her every day. | HISTORICAL | {
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9iF6NOwH70VrCdTbHtaibGr6boAUdnt2 | a9uqah | {
"description": "calling my dad disgusting after he found a new girlfriend a month after my mom's death",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for calling my dad disgusting after he found a new girlfriend a month after my mom's death? | My mom died 3 months ago. A month after my mom died, my dad started dating someone new, and I'm expected to be OK with it. This new woman also lost her husband a few months ago.
I ended up uninviting my dad from Thanksgiving dinner after he told me about this new woman because I was so angry, which led to him and my grandparents (dad's parents) hating me. When I uninvited him, I told him that he was disgusting and it was disrespectful to my mom, and that he could spend Thanksgiving dinner alone thinking about how his dead wife would feel knowing he found someone new a month after her death. He ended up spending Thanksgiving with his new girlfriend.
Meanwhile, his daughter (me) is still a complete mess after the death, and I realized he seemed to be doing just fine since he's able to say, "I love you" to this new woman and talk about moving in with her at some point soon. I just couldn't stand the thought of looking at him during dinner knowing that he had a new girlfriend. He kept telling me, "it just happened", "give her a chance", "it's my life and I can do what I want", etc.
My dad was always verbally abusive towards me and my mom, so I've literally spent my whole life walking on eggshells not to upset my dad. My mom always used to protect me from him and keep him in line, since he always called me the worst daughter in the world. We didn't talk for the month between Thanksgiving and a few days before Christmas. Obviously I needed time to cool down. I called him and texted him a few times during that month, but he ignored all of my attempts at contact.
In that month, I learned that people have a lot of opinions about this subject. Some people say it's way too soon and agree with me and others say that what I did was awful and to just let my dad be happy.
I decided to be the better person and invite him to Christmas Eve dinner, and then he drops it on me that the only way he'll go is if I invite his new girlfriend. I wanted us to all be together since it's the first Christmas without my mom, so I reluctantly agreed. I just sucked it up and pretended to be nice to this woman while my dad kept comparing her to my mom, and then saying he wasn't comparing them when I pointed out that he was.
Now that the holiday's over, I kind of feel like a jerk, but at the same time, he's always been awful to me. I want to cut contact with him, but at the same time, I told my mom before she passed that I'd try to get along with my dad, but it's so much effort.
AITA?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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ClDTvX7pL04PYSJhIYosDXOzTqlp0cnj | aox0fp | {
"description": "banning a guy from my minecraft server",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For banning a guy from my minecraft server? | Yes, as ridiculous as that sounds I still wonder if I did the right thing.
So a few weeks ago I started up a Minecraft server with only my 6 years out of date knowledge to help me. I quickly realized I had no idea what I was doing so I began to promote people as admins to help me run the server. One of these people was Gaylord (not his real name btw). I gave him FTP privelages so he could set up permissions. He knew what he was doing, and the end product was an organized system of ranks.
After a few days, the regular players started complaining about admin abuse. I didnt know who exactly was doing it, but I knew it wasn't Gaylord. So, I made everyone except for me and Gaylord a regular player. I promoted Gaylord to co-owner because of his hard work and dedication. I was going to have everyone re-apply for admin, but the majority of the players told me that they would prefer a more vanilla server with no admin interference, so that's what I gave them.
I made a NEW server, one that was more vanilla, and I advertised in the old one. Everyone migrated to the new one, including Gaylord. However, I didn't give Gaylord or anyone else any permissions. The previous admins were totally fine with this, except for Gaylord. It made him very upset and he began to criticize how I ran the server. I tried to explain to him that they were two separate servers and I wasn't gonna make him co owner if both, but he wouldn't take It. He then hopped on Minecraft (the new server) and started complaining there. He would get mad whenever someone other than me would butt into the conversation, and I told him that if he didn't want other people to give their opinion, then he should DM me on discord. Being the attention seeker he is, he stayed, still saying "GET. OFF. MY. DICK." every time people would chat (in a public minecraft server, mind you). It was at this point I revoked his FTP privileges from the old server, but I still kept him as Co-owner. That made him really mad (as I thought it would, but if I hadn't changed the password, who knows what he would've done). He then messaged me that he was done and would "fuck off from playing the server anymore." So, I blocked him on discord and banned him from the new server as a precaution. In retaliation, he completely destroyed the old server, and tried to ban me from it. So, I banned him from that one as well.
AITA? Is there a way I could've handled this better?
TL;DR: I own 2 servers. Co-owner of one wants to be co-owner of the other, gets mad and destroys everything when I tell him no. | HISTORICAL | {
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z8HyQBDUgLbsjOgGYbGIPHgDVn5q9ScQ | afdjyo | {
"description": "wanting to get rid of my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to get rid of my friend? | Me and my friend are both 25. I live with my girlfriend and he still lives at home with his parents. He's never had a job. He's socially awkward. We both have mental health problems but his is more severe, imo. I managed to get a job after getting through the death of a relative and agoraphobia and he hasn't bothered. He is pretty much at the point of no return.
A few years ago, he had some phantom pain in his neck. The doctors would not prescribe him any medications so he bought them online. It's not exactly legal if you catch my drift.
He would always get Xanax or really strong painkillers and he became addicted. He would get them sent to his house. He later banked up so much Xanax that he would just sell them on for profit because he had more than he knew what to do with.
His mother is an alcoholic and she's got years of painkiller abuse under her belt. She found out that he was buying drugs online and intercepting the mail before he woke up. She didn't really care - free drugs for her. She would take all of the Xanax in the package and zone out for 2-3 days.
Eventually he found out that she got to the drugs in the mail before him but even when he did, he would leave them on his desk in his room and she would sneak in and take them.
He got frustrated with his living situation and he t so he decided to code a dark net market for profit and thought he would become the digital Pablo Escobar. I was like okay, whatever. You do you.
Before he launched his market, something terrible happened. He was in the middle of trying to get off of Xanax and Tramadol so he ended up taking methadone to help him. His Mum snuck into his room while he went shopping with his Dad and took a whole TWO BOTTLES of methadone. She died.
He texted me super casually and said "My Mum is dead. She took my Methadone."
Didn't know what to say, thought he was joking.
"No, honestly. She's dead. She took all of my Methadone."
I went to the funeral a few weeks later and I cried violently. I wasn't even close to his Mum but I thought I would show up and pay my respects.
He didn't cry. He didn't show a shred of emotion and it made me feel really uncomfortable. This was around the time when I thought if I should stop talking to him or not.
A week later, he messaged me and said that everyone in the family blames him for his Mum's death. The police have taken his phone and computer while they look for a cause of death and if he said something to deliberately get her killed.
Not much happened afterwards. I've been really busy with life stuff when earlier today, he messages me and he's like "I'm starting up the market again."
I said it's not a good idea at all. The Police are on him like a hawk and I don't think he has grieved properly.
"Okay, I'll just focus on myself from now on. I can see you don't really care."
___
From that point on, I don't really want to speak to him. He pretty much single handedly killed his own Mum. I thought the weight of the guilt on his shoulders must be enormous but it feels like it doesn't seem the matter and he is immune to it.
I'm the only real friend he has and I don't want to really turn my back on him but it's just been a clusterfuck for him lately and he manages to draw out negativity from all angles.
** TL;DR: Friend who's a recovering drug addict, kills his Mum through lack of common sense, turns cold hearted and I'm having a hard time turning my back on him. AITA?"
| HISTORICAL | {
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73N1NwYcWRpsmYGaYfoM9MIHnSmyM4Uz | b6wssw | null | AITA told my sister to find another ride to work and stop relying on me | little context here, my sisters car won't start because of a bad alternator so her car is in the shop. I dropped her off to work today and will be picking her up, but shes asking for rides for the next 3-4 days to work too until her car is fixed. i told her to find another ride or uber because her work is 60 minutes (there and back) out of my way to work. she's calling me an asshole for this.
I've asked for rides in the past and she usually tells me she's busy but I won't think much about it and get an uber or ask someone else. when my car was in the shop for body work for nearly 2 weeks, I didn't bother asking her for rides even though my work is on the way to her work, i rented a car.
my sister is super cheap too, she has a shit ton of $$$ but doesn't like spending it. so if theres a way she doesnt have to spend money, she will take that route.
my car is not the best in gas either, i drive a sports car and she isn't offering me any gas money. every time I ask to drive her car i always offer to put gas in it.
so what of it, am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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fuW2vsAuXwJ2N4NUmYfMpERyX7IVtNav | a1j26x | {
"description": "Unknowingly using the wrong Pronoun for a Transgender person",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Unknowingly Using the Wrong Pronoun For a Transgender Person? | This was fourth of July, last year (17 months ago) when I was at a party with my girlfriend and her friends. One of which, was a MTF transgender (Pre-Op, 6 Months hormones), and dating her another one of her friends. This was the first or second time I met her friends, and I didn't know the proper protocol for pronouns with Transgender people. That being said, I made sure to use the They/Them/Theirs pronouns for the party. I thought everything went perfect up until about a month later. Apparently I had "Aggressively Misgendered" this individual during the party, which I found odd because I barely spoke to them and was not aware of any hostile actions or ill intentions the whole day. The only time that I can think of it happening was when we were playing a video game, and I used the ambiguous, "Get him" and "great hit dude" that I would use regardless of Gender.
​
I do concede that I should have asked the individual which pronouns they prefer and attempted to follow their preference, however I was also never corrected and was instead ostracized from the rest of her friend group.
​
AITA for feeling like I should have been corrected instead of passively being mad towards? | HISTORICAL | {
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Rhh0QyG8d6SDG2wRKDFVgzAq8xUrafC9 | b7xkun | {
"description": "getting upset about how my friends are always busy",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for getting upset about how my friends are always busy? | So I’ve got a group of 3 really close friends and two of them are into volleyball. Now, one of them has practice Monday Wednesday Friday and the other has practice Tuesday Thursday Sunday. So the only times we can really hang out as a group is on weekends because we have classes during the week. Now here’s where things get complicated. Pretty much every weekend at least one of them has a tournament which means they are busy the entire weekend. It gets frustrating for me, someone who is never busy and would rather hang out with friends than waste the days away in front of a computer, trying to plan things with my closest friends but can’t seem to get a plan together where all 4 of us would be there because they’re always busy with sports. Summer is an option but me and the other guy are both taking summer school pretty much the entirety of July then August, someone’s gone until there’s 3 days of summer left. So it upsets me when I try to plan things where everyone will be there but they’re busy with sports or will be away. We rarely ever all get to hang out together and I worry that will be the demise of our friendship. So reddit, am I the asshole for getting upset about my close friends always being busy? | HISTORICAL | {
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1nxWhLFZQEKMUR3lKobMVb3AenyHRBCA | aqk7ve | {
"description": "not letting my friend and her bf live with us",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I didn't let my friend and her bf live with us | My friend and her bf have been having a hard time finding a place to live.
My fiance and I are kind of broke and could use the money anyways but they are a mess. He doesn't work at all of his own choice and she carries the both of them by herself. The way he takes advantage of her makes me sick. She's too blinded by love. I can hardly tolerate the guy. I wouldn't want to live with him. But I know that shes having a hard time and part of me wants to help.
My fiance and I have 3 dogs and 1 cat and they have 2 dogs. If the pets didn't get along it'd be an instant no go, but we have the space.
But WIBTA if we didn't let them live with us, explicitly because of the worthless boyfriend. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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NgxVInnSQYGn4GhBE7RfixVHNiw0LWsC | b509md | {
"description": "asking a woman to remove her big hat during a movie screening",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking a woman to remove her big hat during a movie screening? | Yesterday I (38F) attended a very small local movie festival that screened two classic movies. The venue was a small community hall, with about 120 attendees. Seating was in 12 rows, each with 10 metal folding chairs, split with a center aisle. The chairs were packed pretty tight for the small space. The movie was projected onto a screen like you would find in a classroom, at about blackboard height. This was a low-budget setup, nothing fancy.
A woman (late 50's?) sat in the middle seat of the front row. She was wearing a large sun hat and was blocking a good portion of the screen for everybody behind her. It was fashionably placed on her head, tilted back, so maximum screen blocking by the wide round brim. I was in the 4th row and not directly behind her, but could not see around her hat.
​
I realized that she was not planning to take off her hat before the movie started, so after a long internal debate, I decided to ask her to remove it. I'm pretty shy and usually just "roll with it", so it was pretty bad to make me speak up.
Me: (kneeling down and using a quiet voice) Excuse me, ma'am, could you please remove your hat? It's blocking the screen and we can't see around it.
Her: (horrified look, long pause, started tearing up...) No! I can't remove my hat.
I went back to my seat, and she left in hurry, visibly distraught. I think she was crying. She never came back. People turned to look at me, confused about why she ran out crying after I spoke to her for 5 seconds.
​
Now I feel like garbage because I obviously stepped into a highly personal issue here. I can't get it out of my head. On one hand, maybe I was being cruel and insensitive by asking her to remove her hat (I keep thinking maybe she had chemo and was wearing a wig and just wanted to enjoy a movie without stressing about what she's going through). On the other hand, she decided to wear a big sun hat to watch a movie and decided to sit right in the middle of the front row, without regard to anybody else. There were plenty of other seats open at that time that would have allowed her to wear the hat without blocking anybody's view.
​
TL;DR: I upset a lady by asking her to take off her big hat during a movie.
​
Reddit- Am I the Asshole for asking her to remove her hat? | HISTORICAL | {
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7DM1x9Mzq6K8cmvxxEuxDJZoqxZDHRQ2 | alquy1 | {
"description": "not wanting to be there for someone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if i dont want to be there for someone? | Now now, everyone expects you to be this and that. To be there for them, to do this for them, so on and so on. What if I don’t feel the excitement to be there for you?
My cousin Alaina just moved to Montreal, on July 2018. Her little sister Lena moved here also with her husband and their 1 year-old daughter on May, before her. As sisters, they are not so close.
Alaina came here with a visa of two years, for work. She just arrived so she has no job yet, so we spend most of our time together. She says she cannot wait to live life for herself, and comparing her situation to her little sister, Lena. She says “I can go out, not like Lena since she has a kid”. I tell her it’s very true. But maybe Lena isn’t the type to always go out.
When Alaina first arrived, she booked an airbnb and that will be the place she will be staying for a month while she takes care of her paper while searching for a job. She met the Airbnb owner, and I guess she “fell in love”. I have met the guy. I don’t like him. He talks a lot. But I guess some of you would know due to my previous post. Anywho, while she was here, she was still talking to her boyfriend of 13 years. But she gave him an ultimatum: come with me to Canada, or we’re done. She waited for him a long time because he is a career-driven guy, she also wanted kids and be married to him. But he stayed in Dubai. But a week later, he wanted to come here. She said no.
Why, would you guys say? She got tired of waiting. Lena tells me their relationship is on-off because Alaina is often making impulsive decisions. Lena has pity for her sister’s ex bf.
So, on September, Alaina wants me and Lena to meet her at Starbucks. We do. Her news: she’s married to Airbnb guy and she’s pregnant. Baby due in April. Which means first thing she did when she arrived here was get pregnant to whomever. Lena had no expression on her face. She could not be happy for her sister. I, on the other hand, did not know how to react. So I just said “anyone wants a piece of my brownie?” Holy fuck, I suck at social interactions. I continued saying “well good for you, didn’t you say you wanted to keep living life without a family?” She replied: yes, my time is over now. Ok.. but weeks ago that’s not what you said. I don’t care honestly, everyone can change their mind.
I’m not gotta get into every detail but Lena was not happy for her when we left Starbucks. She even cried because that’s crazy. Lena cannot understand Alaina. Lena’s mind is set on not being there for her sister, as Alaina said many things to concluding Lena wasn’t very important to her. Sad.
Alaina will give birth in April, and she tells me she’ll call me when she gives birth. I’m going on vacation at the end of April.
AITA for hoping I’ll be out of the city when she gives birth?
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DPtZSl5YQQuUAdIHD8tmxmiuHyiUgdxA | axbyrt | {
"description": "making my dentist feel bad",
"pronormative_score": 139,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for making my dentist feel bad. | I'm having an argument with my mom about this and I really want to know if I'm the asshole here.
I am VERY sensitive to pain so after a traumatic experience with my former dentist I changed to one recommended by my mom.
He was kind of a jerk, he seemed like he wasent taking me seriously and as I was explaining how I would be willing to pay more for a less painful solution on my following intervention he says something along the lines of "You are a woman so you need to get used to pain. What are you going to do when you give birth."
I have changed 2 other dentists that dont take patient pain seriously, but I have never gotten this reaction before, I was furious.
I really wanted to make him feel bad so I look at him and say "Wow thanks, I can't have kids! ". (Total lie)
He was obviously uncomfortable and my mom's jaw dropped, but she kept quiet.
We ended the consultation there after he apologized and my mom told me I was a total jerk and I dident have to do that.
I think it was funny and I think he will think twice before being smug with other clients.
Am I the asshole for thinking he deserved that ?
TL;DR Dentist says I need to get used to pain for when I give birth and I lie and tell him I'm sterile, to make him feel bad. | HISTORICAL | {
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W75qIpfXM9rMOdk73DmZofRJ23zybaLL | avkcuy | null | AITA: Used what I I thought to be the medically accurate term over on r/tooafraidtoask and got tore a new one for it | Even got called it? Wtf! https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/comments/avh7eb/do_retards_know_their_different/ | HISTORICAL | {
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Ei3OGIjwtuTSqR3GZsV9dDnqvvlBKUiS | 9wivpw | {
"description": "shouting \"excelsior!\" when the \"in memory of Stan Lee\" credit pops up in the next marvel movie",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for shouting "EXCELSIOR!" When the "in memory of Stan Lee" credit pops up in the next marvel movie? | Just curious if anyone would find this dickish, cause I plan too. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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2THT19DUTbMIYvG9tjVKOQF54zMIV6ei | aoemgv | {
"description": "feeling bitter toward my mother for claiming that losing an infant child is worse/more painful than losing an older child",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for feeling bitter toward my mother for claiming that losing an infant child is worse/more painful than losing an older child? | Yesterday was my deceased infant brother's 5th birthday and death anniversary-- he didn't make it 24 hours despite initial evaluations and positive reflex exams. Suddenly, things declined. I didn't know he had died until 3 hours after I was waiting for my mother near her hospital room where I had not seen her at all upon arrival.
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I was somewhat of a major fuckup in my early 20s. I was independent, but very troubled. Worried my mother a lot inadvertently with mental illness, xanax problems and serious suicide attempts. I was attacked in my building one night on my way home, and the prescription use spiraled, and I just spun out of control in addition to a bunch of other things.
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I was thrilled. Really, I was. I don't wan't children, and I thought that being present and a being a third person for a new little person to trust would be amazing.
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But to this day, I feel and know that that some small factor of my mom stressing out over me likely caused a higher probability of premature fetal distress, which happened. He essentially ran out of oxygen close to delivery and with the systemic damage from lack of oxygen and fluid until it was too late. It sucks, and I tend to wallow a bit but not to make it my own tragedy anymore yearly. I was with my family the whole time-- in the NICU, hackling the nurses to turn the fucking happy baby music in the hallways for 20 minutes for us to get her together because I was furious for her. The baby was passed around. I apologized to him. It was fucking horrific. My mother and I were **not** close, I still have many unresolved issues, but I was the very best I could be for her when she needed me. I have tried to make my own peace...
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However, on the general topic of child loss that comes up in conversation more often than I'd like (because I find that she fixates on it frequently and I try to understand), she has on more than one occasion said: "No way-- losing a brand new baby is much worse than an older child."
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&nbsp:
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Now...I'm 26. I am her one and only daughter. She raised me alone, married when I was 12, and got pregnant when I was 20. Essentially, we grew up together. I saw her finish her education, work 3 jobs, get her heart broken, never skip a month's rent despite all of it and she will never know, but no one knows that woman like I do. Thus, that statement that she's made many of times makes me *furious*. I hold my tongue when it comes up between just us or amongst social gatherings. The most frequent was at dinner a few weeks ago. My step-dad's brother flew into town for a visit, and we went out to catch up. He told us a tragic story about a couple he knows who's baby just recently died of SIDS, and that he found out after he booked the trip and felt guilty about not being there for the services. Other shared tragic stories amongst us, the usual. Then (again) arose the comment from my mother, "Nope, I'm sorry but losing a baby or an infant is a lot more traumatic than a child; at least you have memories with the child."
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And I'm sitting right there. I think I may have said something, like "Uh, hello-- I'm sitting right here."
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I've almost died on her. Severe depressive episodes have would me up in near-death situations. I can't understand how she would think something like that, and then to say it. And again, it's not territory I plan to embark on. I've encouraged therapy and the like...
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I think it's fucked up.
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Am I the asshole for this conflicting feeling?
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TL;DR-- Anniversary of infant sister's death is provoking thoughts of recent comments made by my mother that losing a baby is more devastating than losing an older child; I'm her only other child. I think it's an asshole comment to make around me, even if that's what she thinks.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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2XZGJGrPasMOOnqeaxL7nCITlTX7ZxKi | b3967j | {
"description": "being constantly angry at most of my classsmates for being loud and lazy",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being constantly angry at most of my classsmates for being loud and lazy? | My first AITA post, here we go.
So I’m in high school (not going to say what year or where), and the home group I’m in is normally quite loud. There are some people who are quiet, but around 60% of everyone is loud. It constantly annoys me, and I get really annoyed when everyone else just gets up and talks to each other. I really do know that it’s hard to stop yourself when you’re young and hotheaded, but this shit just annoys me.
Sometimes I’m no better than them. Sometimes I slack off, get lazy and and avoid my work. Sometimes I think I actually am in the wrong, and that me hating the rest of them is overkill. I don’t know, it might be because I’ve been diagnosed autistic, or that I’m just a filthy hypocrite.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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SO3e3UPP309hyU1Rjuj4Mp4jy75NeDef | afyaqs | {
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for complimenting me",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For getting mad at my boyfriend for complimenting me? | Okay so, a bit of a baity title I understand. For some context, I have been struggling with an eating disorder for a while and I’m very pleased to say I’m now on the road to recovery I think. The problem is it’s a very fragile recovery and I tend to relapse into disordery behaviours quite a lot. One of the things that causes me to go off the rails is any comment regarding my body at all. It’s kind of irrational but it seems my brain will find any way to twist a comment about my body into “You’re a huge fat whale!” For example if someone says to me something like “wow you’ve lost weight!” In a positive sense I will twist that and rationalise it by thinking that no one would say that to someone who isn’t fat therefore, I am fat. I know how irrational and it seems really petty (it is), but these things can really spiral and send me into an episode of self hate and starving/purging. I explained this to my boyfriend and asked him if it would be okay if he didn’t make any comments regarding my body, even positive ones. He was a little confused but agreed. Later we were lying on the couch and he said something like “I love the shape of your body, I love how it curves” and I’ll admit I did overreact and completely freaked out at him I just felt a pit in my stomach when he said that, especially with the comment about curves, and I started going on an emotional rant. (I know, unnecessary). It devolved into an argument and told me I need to grow up and I can’t expect him not to compliment my body when he’s my boyfriend. He said “in the real world” people will be making comments about my body all the time and I need to learn how to deal with it and not expect him to coddle me.
I’ll admit, he does kind of have a point, but I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable. Comments like that, for lack of a better word, trigger me and I just want recovery to go as smoothly as possible until I can heal and be okay with it.
So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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XsLGTGZo5Rt2ea0QiTfHyydLKiPlnzFJ | b221ic | {
"description": "taking an unfinished and unpaid for commissioned art piece from my friend's estate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I take an unfinished and unpaid for commissioned art piece from my friend's estate? | One of my casual friends from 20 years ago passed away unexpectedly at work. He was the type of friend that you interact with on FB and see once every five years at some event. We got along really well.
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He is a semi-famous comic book artist and inker, and is well known in that world. The week before he died, I commissioned him for an art piece. No money was exchanged, (hey, he's my friend. Cash on delivery.) . no contracts signed, and no real deadline set. We have done this 3-4 times in the past 20 years, so this setup isn't unique. I don't know if he has this system with other clients or friends.
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For purely sentimental reasons, I want this piece. I don't know if he's even started it, but even if it's just barely started, I still want it. I'm not part of the comic book world, but I do know a few of his signed works are worth money. He had a live-in girlfriend who I've only met twice and a teen child I've never spoken to.
I know after people die it can be a shark feeding frenzy, and I don't want to contribute to the circus but I'd really like that piece.
​
WIBTA if I contact his girlfriend and I ask her to look for the piece and give it to me? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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ySus6EybonzbzI2hVr6HJFrgXl8aMVzM | b3nsp6 | {
"description": "being upset at an old lady's rude tone when asking me to make space for her on public transport",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being upset at an old lady's rude tone when asking me to make space for her on public transport? | So sometime I take my bike with me on my way to work and in my city, there are special compartments at each end of the trains where people with bikes should ride. So these compartments still have seats along the walls of the compartment so that people can sit there, but once you enter with a bike you will block 2 or 3 of the seats. So if people want to use the seats, you have to move your bike a bit so they can reach the seats and sit down. Which is most of the time not a problem, neither for people with bikes (like me, who gladly let people reach the seats) nor for people who want to sit down (who wait the bike is moved).
So one day, there were quite a lot of people already in the train and one seat behind my bike happend to be still empty. After the train stopped at the next station, an old lady comes rushing into the compartment, sees the empty seat next to me and immediately almost yells at me to make room at this very instant so she can sit down. I am bewildered and don't react right away because honestly, normally people politely ask you to let them in and I would never, ever refuse to do so. But being bewildered by her rudness I (before making space so she could sit down) said to her that I have no problem letting her reach the seat, but that I find the way she talked to me very rude, and since this is the bike compartment (cleary stated outside) it will happen that there are bikes blocking seats and that it might take a moment for people to make room. She was pissed at me for telling her that she was rude and a lot of other people around me started to be pissed at me as well, because "she is just an old lady wanting to sit down".
The thing is, I would never ever not give up my seat for an older person or person more in need of a seat than myself and I would never ever not make room with my bike so people can reach their seats. But still I think that the way she talked to me was not ok, and it was ok for me to point it out although most of the other passengers seemed to think that IATA. | HISTORICAL | {
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dkqLBKmGRcvrwqoNJFO9VrbEyHIUsM8l | afdqa4 | {
"description": "reporting my high school stalker to a principal",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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} | AITA for reporting my high school stalker to a principal? | ***STRAP IN, BOYS, IT'S A BIT OF A SHIT SHOW***
So, a few months back, August/September, beginning of American school year. I want to get involved in clubs to look good on college applications, so me being the bisexual fiend I am, join the GSA (Gay Straight Alliance or Genders and Sexualities Alliance, depending on who you ask.) Suddenly, guy walks in. I had seen him walk around the halls before. We'll call him "Davante."
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Davante starts to talk about how much he hates himself and how much he wishes he had friends. I hate it when people are sad, I've always been really empathetic. I console him and tell him, "hey, we can be friends!"
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Fast forward. He starts sitting with me at lunch. Not much of a problem. He begins to follow me to my classes when I walk. Kindofcreepy.jpg, but maybe we have classes in the same direction? I test that theory and go into the bathroom. He doesn't follow me, but when I look outside of the door, I notice him waiting outside of the door for me.
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At this point, I'm extremely creeped out. I've had stalkers before, but they were at least a year younger than me and over the internet. I could block them and move on. Davante over here is two years older than me and very much real.
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I tell my friend, "Cianan" about Davante. Cianan says something like "oh, he doesn't have a lot of friends. I'm sure just having you as a friend excites him." If I'm the right brain, Cianan's the left. I trust him to help me make the most logical decisions I can make, and I help him with expressing his emotions and breaking down the emotional barrier. It's a mutual relationship.
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Fast foward even more to last Friday, January 11th. I had begun eating lunch in the French classroom around October-November because I wanted a safe space from Davante. I don't feel safe around him. Also around October-November, I started taking photographs of him whenever he starts following me. Have six photos. Anyways, Davante walks in. Has anybody ever walked into a room and just completely sucked the life out of it? That's what it was like.
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Prior to walking in, it was me, Cianan, "Thomas" from French Club and "Ava" from GSA. Keep in mind, I had only ever told two people that I eat lunch in the French room - Cianan, and my LDR boyfriend. **There is** ***no*** **way he should have been able to find out where I eat.** Anyways, Davante, in front of god and everybody, asks me to the semi formal next weekend. I obviously say no, make up some bullshit story about how it's my brother's birthday and I'll be in Florida. He leaves, and Ava asks, "hey, are you ever going to report him to a teacher? It's obvious you're extremely uncomfortable." I say that I've attempted contacting my counselor, but nothing happened.
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Bell rings, I go to my next hour. I don't do a very good job of hiding my emotions and I read like a book, so instantly, my teacher is like, "Voggy22, what's wrong?" I think my exact words were this: "This guy's been following me for three months now and it makes me really uncomfortable and I've tried to talk with my counselor and she hasn't gotten back to me yet and I'm scared to talk to him." My teacher gives me a really weird look and she asks if I know who he is. I give a description of Davante, adding in that he's probably a senior or junior, which scares me even more. (I'm a sophomore.) She looks at me and is like "...you know he's Autistic, right? Autistic people don't really know how to read social cues or how to act in some social situations. I'm not excusing his behavior, but that's a probable cause of his behavior."
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Something inside me snapped. Not because he's Autistic. I have never, nor will I ever, exploit the mentally disabled or mentally ill for my own gain. I asked to go to the office to talk with someone, and she writes me a pass.
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I go to the office and NONE (and I mean ***NONE***) of the counselors are there. I didn't want to make this a big deal at first, which is why I wanted to see a counselor before I saw a principal or school police officer. But this time around, after he **he found my safe space, after he asked me to semi formal (in my safe space), I didn't care.** I marched into the principal's office and said, "someone has been following me around school and it makes me uncomfortable." I ended up filling out an incident report, and I hope to be updated on the situation further...
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**TL;DR:** Autistic kid followed me around school, so I reported him.
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Also, I'll see if I can post screenshots of conversations on Twitter between Cianan and I. | HISTORICAL | {
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5FDqeMfQ0SaGKZZuI84cfaTRIQv8qe35 | b1zux6 | {
"description": "snapping at my parents cause their won't get off my back",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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} | AITA for snapping at my parents cause their won't get off my back | So for some info this has been going on for way longer but let me sum it up, I will do the smallest things wrong like not be able to hear when they're being quiet and them blaming it on me for not listening or when I don't do something "gentlemen like" like not opening the door and there always doing saying something about how I'm always messing up like my hair isn't fixed (even though it's fine and I like it that way) and instead of them trying to help me they just yell are and I get grounded for literally no reason and then my dad comes in and tells me how I've quote on quote "fucked up" and they when I try to justify it they just say I'm being "disrespectful and I should be better" so I literally just woke up and they yell at me for not getting up earlier when I've asked for an alarm clock and they said no and its only 9 on a weekend and so I snap at them telling how they should at least try to help with my problems instead of yelling at me.
So tell me Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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QlfXRuXBnHjfbwna5MYOzoXU9LGqKqrH | ape8or | {
"description": "never wanting to travel with my mother again",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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} | AITA for never wanting to travel with my mother again? | I’m currently traveling in Japan with my mother. I originally planned this trip with a good friend of mine, who I was supposed to go with. But because my mother insisted she wanted to go, it became so that I had to go separate ways with my friend and go with my mother instead.
I originally didn’t think too much of this, and I was not unhappy about the arrangement, but a week into travel I am really regretting all of this.
From the beginning she was quite frank that she didn’t want to put any effort into planning, and she wanted me to do all of it. So throughout the planning phase, she refused to participate at all. Whenever I asked her something, it would be “oh, I don’t know. You decide”. When I pressed the question, she would get annoyed at me and call me indecisive. I was very frustrated about this because this is a trip for the two of us and I want her to enjoy it as well so I wanted her input on where she wants to go/stay and what she wanted to see/do. However, since she refused to participate, I just had to guess at what she might like to do in Japan. It was frustrating, but I settled with this for the most part.
Things started becoming not okay once we arrived in Japan. Literally everywhere I take her to, she would have a complaint for. For instance, because she likes shopping, I took her to some very popular high-end shopping malls (Isetan, Marui, etc) in Tokyo. Once we got there, she took one look inside and said that everything is too expensive so she didn’t want to shop there. I suggested that she didn’t have to buy anything, and it might be enjoyable just to have a look, but she insisted that that’s a waste of time. Then I took her to some popular and fairly priced shops but she said that she didn’t want any of that “cheap Chinese stuff”. I was honestly mildly offended at this comment because shops like Uniqlo is very well-received and by no means is “cheap Chinese stuff”. I asked her what kind of shops she would like to go to instead, it’s again just “I don’t know, you decide”. At this point I was getting annoyed but I knew if I let out any hint of annoyance we’d fall into argument and the rest of the trip would be miserable. I just figured maybe she didn’t want to shop, so I tried some famous tourist attractions instead, but at attractions she would constantly complain that she is bored and tired and want to go back to the hotel..
Dining is the same. I would ask her, what she would like to eat, she would say “I don’t know. Anything is fine”. But when I actually then take her to a restaurant, she’d be unhappy about my choice or say things like “We should’ve gone to eat xxx instead”. If that’s the case then why didn’t you say so!!!!
For some reason, my mother expects me to know Japan like the back of my hand and gets hugely upset whenever I have to stop to look at the map or I lead her in the wrong direction for a moment. Her reasoning is that I have been here before. While this is true, that was when I was *five years old*. Pardon my memory but I really can’t remember anything from before I was 10. On top of that, she was the one who took me there so she should have equal (if not more) experience. Japan has really massive and busy cities. I think no matter how much effort I put into doing homework before hand, I’m still not going to be able to navigate this place as if I have a GPS of Japan installed in my brain.
She is making me feel like I can’t do anything right. Whatever I do, it’s a mistake, whether it’s the places I take her to, the food that I choose, the turns I take. Feeling upset about this, I suggested maybe she could put some effort into planning instead, if she is unhappy about my planning. She gets really angry at this and said that it was my responsibility because I’m (apparently) more familiar with Japan. I’m okay with doing all the work, but it really hurts that while I’m trying my best to accommodate her, she is unhappy about everything that I do. Also it’s not like she’s very elderly in which case of course I should try my best to lighten her load. She’s in her late 40s, for reference.
There is one more thing she does that is really irritating to me. Japan has HUGE and very busy subway stations, and every station has a lot of elevators. The etiquette here is that everyone who wants to ride the elevator while standing still should stand on the left of the elevator, leaving space on the right side for people who are in a hurry to catch their trains to run/walk up it. My mother, however, always insists on standing on the right side of the elevator because it’s “less crowded” and refuse to move over to the left when I ask her to because she says it’s her privilege as a foreign visitor to stand on the right side. Because of this, she’s constantly holding up a bunch of people on the elevators who are in a hurry to get to their trains. I’m constantly having to apologise to everyone for her behavior. She would then always go off on me about how I shouldn’t apologise to them because she’s apparently entitled to stand there.
I really looked forward to this trip for over a year, but she’s just making the entire trip a really miserable experience for me. Instead of enjoying Japan, I find myself completely stressed out trying but failing to accommodate to her wishes. I also feel really sad about this because being a broke uni student, the trip was something I saved for a long time for so I really wanted to enjoy it. I know deep down that I am a total asshole for being annoyed about this because she’s my mother so it doesn’t matter what she does I must pay her respect and do what she asks. I keep swearing to myself I’m never travelling with her again but I also feel like maybe I’m just being a terrible daughter for her for thinking this.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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yk4vTjbskVRw7Qd7Ri2o1uNW6UFIuinP | aqn536 | {
"description": "getting my own internet meaning my roommate had to pay for his own also",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I got my own internet meaning my roommate had to pay for his own also? | So I live in a 2 bedroom flat with a guy I know from high school. The internet is not great for me at the moment as the router is reasonably far away from my room at the moment.
My roommate and his girlfriend both use the internet which makes our already slow internet, difficult to deal with. So I proposed to upgrade the WiFi, whilst splitting the costs 3 ways. My roommate and his girlfriend said they had no issues with the current WiFi so don’t see the need to upgrade.
I’ve been looking into getting my own internet (with the router in my room), although this would involve my flatmate paying more for internet, as I wouldn’t be splitting the cost.
So WIBTA for getting my own router and stop paying for the current?
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k23z3dRS6qsfipTrudTHWWffRXbOJTe3 | b2aqrs | {
"description": "snapping at a depressed friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For snapping at a depressed friend | Sorry for format (mobile) and sorry for length
I (20m) and my friend (23m) have been friends for 5 years or so now. Last year he was diagnosed with depression and had a short stay in a medical facility. I was also diagnosed with depression around 2 years ago so I was really the only supporting character in our friend group. I've had long talks about life/his view on himself and told him he can contact me no matter what time it is, helped him be more social for his dating life (or rather attempted to) made sure he was on medication and seeing a professional, and even would play a game with him if he was just feeling bad so that he could get his mind off things. If I don't hear from him for a few days I check up and I've done all this since he was diagnosed.
Recently he's taken to a morbid view that the world is trash and everyone in it is also trash. I've tried talking with him about this but he kinda rejects any other opinion without discussion. Since then he's been very insulting and rude to everyone in our friend group and when we try to talk to him seriously he just blames it on his hormones or emotional state without even apologizing
It's been 3 months now since he started this and I'm struggling to be patient. He asked me to play a game with him and a friend and I said no so he called me trash. To this I sternly replied that he was a hypocrite because the day before he rejected my offer.
He blamed me for messing him up on a video game because I was talking so I told him nothing could make him do worse than he already was (probably a lil too harsh)
Last night I asked him to help me stay awake for 1 hour because I needed to stay awake to take my medicine otherwise I deal with very serious side effects and he said he wouldn't mess up his sleep schedule for me so I told him (half jokingly) that he's a bad friend and then I asked someone else and they helped
I feel like I've been patient and a good friend but me and my other friends are a little tired of consistently being insulted throughout the day and I personally feel under appreciated. I get having mood swings or anger but taking it out on people who care about you every day for 3 months imo is NOT okay. Whenever we snap he goes quiet. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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xBRy0cYVZkv9bEir7bKsVVABAJ8zAlSj | b4agva | null | AITA- stopped being friends with someone over something his friend did |
This is a situation between me, someone I’ll call J, and M. I’m using a throwaway account because my username on my old one has my name in it
On prom night (I’m 19) J committed a crime and did something bad to me (I’ve been advised to be vague so the post isn’t removed) M found out in September when he was meant to stay in my spare bedroom but I had a panic attack, couldn’t stop vomiting& crying and told him everything. He expressed disgust but told me to not tell anyone.
After, I kept seeing social media posts which told me that they were still close. This upset me and I rang him and said I didn’t want him to choose between us, just to be honest about the friendship as I didn’t want to be constantly seeing j and needed to recover. He made me feel like I was being unreasonable and was trying to cut him off assuming what his friendship was with J and I apologised, believing he was distancing himself and I was assuming. He said I have no idea that J isn’t suffering as much as me, which also upset me as I have been having trouble functioning since it happened, and that he was setting us up to talk about it. This was a black and white situation where I gave no consent and was forced to do something so I said I was uncomfortable with that especially since I’d already said I wouldn’t want to talk.
Later on, M talked about his close friendship with J and so I said I didn’t want to be friends and felt as though he was trying to make me feel bad so he would feel less guilty about his friendship with someone who did something illegal and morally wrong to me. He told me that he thought I messaged him with the sole intention of hurting him. I told him that I didn’t want to hurt him but wasn’t ok with suffering and having to have constant reminders of J in order to make M not feel like he has to choose between us. I apologised for the message hurting him.
This Tuesday I was diagnosed with PTSD. I was having panic attacks whenever anyone touched me for more than a couple of minutes, and was having flashbacks as well as waking up panicking for no reason. I decided that I had to explain to him that although I can’t force him to cut J off, I don’t want to be friends with his close friends anymore as it makes my recovery much slower to have constant reminders. M told me that I am purposely targeting him for no reason, I’m not thinking about his feelings and I’m creating a narrative where he’s the bad guy. I then lashed out and told him that I thought he was trying to make himself the victim when I’m just trying to recover and his choice to remain friends with him after what happened is his choice, but the consequence is that I don’t want to be friends anymore.
I don’t know if he’s trying to make me feel bad or if I’m the asshole, he’s not the one who did it but I feel upset about him knowing all the details of what happened to me and still trying to tell me I’m overreacting . I know I’m not the best to make judgements right now and it’d really help.
| HISTORICAL | {
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vKeenHRK8Cbg5xz26rogJ5WhR1E1MtMK | b2pue7 | {
"description": "telling a coworker that someone he considered a friend has been making fun of him behind his back",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a coworker that someone he considered a friend has been making fun of him behind his back? | I work in retail. This mainly involves two of my coworkers. Just to keep it simple I’ll call them guy and girl.
Guy is a really nice dude, but he’s really awkward. I’ve worked the same department with him multiple times and he just doesn’t have a lot of social awareness. He tries really hard to be friendly and has even tried to connect with me outside of work to go do things. I’m not sure how many friends he has.
Girl isn’t so nice. Honestly she reminds of a high school girl in an adult’s body. Lots of gossip and shit talking. She’s even gotten complaints about interactions with customers which is a big no no here.
Guy and girl both worked the same department all last week. I guess guy thought that he had made friends with girl. Before he even made it inside another coworker said to girl, “here comes your best friend”. Girl laughing “he is NOT my friend”. Then during break I was in the break room with girl and a few other employees. Guy stops in and goes up to girl. He was excitedly telling her about Captain Marvel and telling her how good it was and she really needed to see it. He went into explaining something from the comics I guess, I’m not sure I was only half paying attention. Girl seemed interested until he left.
After he left she started shit talking him. Saying that working the department with him was the worst thing that’s happened to her and now she has a turtle(?) following her around mouth breathing all over her. As she went on I just felt bad for the dude. She’s obviously been shit talking him to whoever will listen and even though he might be an awkward fuck, he’s just trying to be friendly.
Towards the end of our shift I made a point to find him and explain that girl is not his friend. That she acts friendly, but shit talks people behind their backs. Including him. He wanted to know exactly what she was saying so I told him. I’m not sure how he took it his expression was really hard to read.
I’m feeling bad if his feelings are hurt because someone he thought was a friend was bad mouthing him, but at the same time he deserved to know. I’m pretty conflicted on whether I did the right thing or not. | HISTORICAL | {
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snS7DN9mqDVMBXJKCahGfbSWeLlVxD5B | ag9m3r | {
"description": "swearing at my server when he was playing \"keep away\" with my food",
"pronormative_score": 59,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for swearing at my server when he was playing “keep away” with my food? | So this was a while ago, but it has been on my mind from time to time. I was at a bar and there was an all you can eat wings special, and I was with my group of friends and we went almost every Tuesday. This time it was particularly crowded, so we were totally understanding when they told us it might take a while after they took our food and drink order.
We patiently waited for a long time and i’d had 2 beers by then so I was definitely not drunk or remotely aggressive, just hungry. Finally when our food came, the waiter handed everyone there basket thingys. However, when he got to me he pulled back and smiled, and then i tried to grab it again, and he pulled back again. It was only like a ten second thing but I was hungry and had already waited enough and didnt want to deal with this so i said, “Give me my god damn food.” as sternly as i could. (I’m 21 and server was like 28, and im used to stuff like this happening, but not from waiters, ive had tons of service jobs and would never do this.).
He immediately stopped smiling and gave me the food, but he and all my friends looked at me weird.
Would really appreciate honest opinions, thanks! | HISTORICAL | {
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DPwnYHH88Zl1yZbQlnopubaFwdR37E76 | anaiho | {
"description": "contemplating breaking up with my bf because he's changing as a person",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for contemplating breaking up with my BF because he's changing as a person? | Little background, we've been together for over a year now. We've been long distance for 6 months. I'm still in college and he's stationed away with the Navy while he learns to be a pilot. We broke up for about a day because he was worried about our principals and fundamentals weren't fully aligned. We are madly in love and can absolutely see a future together.
Fast forward to now, he's become more invested in politics and has started leaning more toward the right wing and being a Republican. His two roommates are quite Republican and every time I talk about politics he brings up how the Democratic leaders are idiots and proposing awful laws. I'm pretty neutral, but leaning slightly more left. He used to be much more neutral and rarely talked about what's happening with the government, but that's almost all he and his roomies talk about now. He also started going to church. That is totally fine, I grew up Catholic but haven't gone to church in years. His morals are shifting a little and they're making me uneasy. AITA for being so concerned about the person he's becoming? Of course he is entitled to his own beliefs and opinions. However, I don't think I would have started dating him if he were the person he is right now. His morals and principals are drifting further and further from mine, but I feel like he expects me to roll with the punches and conform to how he thinks and such. Am I overreacting here?
TLDR: BF is having a change of personality and morals, but they aren't ones that I share or agree with. I'm not sure if I would have fallen in love with him if he were how he is today when we started dating. | HISTORICAL | {
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L5M0hVSovM9G2EMsnKOqJhArkpTlM6Vi | ahnoip | {
"description": "I got marrying against my dad's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I got married against my dad’s wishes? | I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 years. I’m currently in medical school and he’s also in grad school working towards getting his PhD. My parents are currently supporting me financially (part of my tuition and all of my living expenses) since I went to med school straight after undergrad without getting a job. I recently discussed the topic of marriage with my parents and according to my them, I can’t get married until I start residency and my BF is done with grad school and has a “real job”. Their reasoning is that they want to make sure that my BF is financially secure before I commit to him. The problem is, my BF is currently doing great financially — he’s completely financially independent with a modest income from his lab, and has a sizable amount of savings in the bank that he’s been adding to since he was a teenager. Even though my parents know this, they still doesn’t think this qualifies as being financially secure because he’s “still in school and who knows if he’ll actually end up finding a real job”.
My BF and I have been wanting to get engaged/married for a while now. However, his PhD program may take a bit longer than mine — maybe a year or two longer before he can start looking for jobs. We want to get married right after I graduate regardless of how far he is from graduating, since I’ll be completely financially independent from my parents by then. WIBTA for completely disregarding my parents’ wishes and getting married anyway, even though they’ve supported me financially for basically all of my life and I essentially owe them for everything? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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chVMg3v532uu9n5JcImIpaEC5HDBNGzu | a52p7o | {
"description": "thinking people how much they love someone who died are full of shit",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for thinking people how much they love someone who died are full of shit? | Honestly probably the asshole but I can't be the only one that sees this right? There's this girl in my community who killed herself recently and that's fucking awful. She transfered out of the school I currently go to a few years ago because of some bullying stuff and like a small group of people cared but not a ton. Now everyone is out on Instagram talking about how much they loved her even though they hadn't talked to her in 5 years and they're so sorry this happened.
Like the people who were actually he friends yeah I get it that's awful and I believe you're genuine.
The other people, idk. Like some of these people were the ones causing problems in the first place and they're all like "oh we love you so much". No the fuck you didn't, part of this is on you you fucking assholes.
A bit of a rant and I can feel the YTA's coming but whatever | HISTORICAL | {
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VOx0pYDCQJAvAuzinQUZB0EFx0lBc2t5 | ba48sw | {
"description": "not driving my acquaintance senior back to her home",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not driving my acquaintance senior back to her home? | This actually happened about 4 years ago but it suddenly came up my mind again when I was showering and I’m beginning to feel guilty about it (again)..
So one day I was at the shopping centre and bumped into my senior back when we were at high school. So we chatted a bit and she just kept going on about how poor she and her family is. I didn’t mind listening until she mentioned how lucky I must’ve been growing up in a wealthy family. Now, we weren’t that close, and she knew nothing about my family and my family was not as wealthy as she thought we were, upper-medium class at most. She probably just figured out because my family go on yearly holidays overseas I’m not sure.
A bit of a background: my parents moved away during my last year of high school due to family problems, although my family was living comfortably, I was not allowed to receive any money from my parents, so as a first year college student I had to work my ass off to make ends meet. My parents’ income mostly went to my dad’s cancer treatments and my grandparents hospital fees. So I was pretty broke.
Back to the story. As I was about to leave, she asked if she could get a ride home. She lived completely opposite direction as I did, if I were to drop her off I would need to drive 35 minutes back home. I was really tired that day so I just said sorry, I don’t really want to. She then insisted on asking me why I didn’t want to and as she was getting on my nerve since the previous conversation, I replied something along the line with I was tired and also I was running low on fuel and I didn’t have enough money to fill the tank, there’s a main bus interchange station at the shopping centre where we were at. After a few more unsuccessful attempts at asking me to drop her off, she commented on how selfish and unhelpful I was before she left.
I just want to know if I could’ve done better/was I really an asshole then. Hopefully if this happens again in the future I could handle it better. | HISTORICAL | {
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Wznc9wJcTkOBKlBubG78tOQfibMv6ykH | apu82r | {
"description": "not wanting to watch the Oscars this year",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not wanting to watch the Oscars this year? | Every year for the past 8-9 years, me and my friends have had Oscar viewing parties to watch the Academy Awards. We would watch the ceremony and we'd even make a betting pool and see who gets the most correct predictions for who wins the awards. But this year, I've decided not to watch the ceremony. I think the show is going to have a lot less personality without a host, I hate that they're not even going to televise some of the awards presentations, and I just think we have a weak batch of nominees, especially in the Best Picture category. I have more reasons to not watch it, so that's what I'm doing this year.
I went over to his apartment to tell my friend who was hosting the viewing party this year that I'm not watching and I won't be coming over to his place on Oscars night. He was actually pretty upset. He accused me of "breaking tradition" and he said that I "have to" watch it and come over. I told him that I have no interest in this year's ceremony and that I don't want to watch it. And what does my friend do? He actually calls an "emergency meeting" and invites over one other friends to tell him about this "situation". The other friend arrives and they're both pissed at me for not wanting to go to the viewing party. And then one of them tried to guilt trip me into going by saying that these viewing parties are the best way to stay connected as friends and I decided to just use my nuclear option. I told them that we must have a pretty shitty friendship if the Oscars are the only thing keeping us connected. One of my friends then said that I'm not watching simply because I'm jealous that a lot of the movies I liked didn't get nominated for Best Picture, so I started attacking his taste in movies. His favorite movie of the year was Bohemian Rhapsody and I said to him "The only reason that it was even nominated is because the main character is gay! That movie is a pile of shit!" Then the three of us get into this giant argument attacking each other's favorite movies of 2018.
I decided to just leave and I turned to my friends and said "I'm outgrowing you man-babies who throw a fit over a stupid awards show!" and they both said "Don't call it stupid!" But I kept calling it stupid and I yelled that I'm never watching the Oscars again and that they can have their dumbass viewing parties without me. I left the apartment in an extremely pissed off mood and at first I felt good about telling them off like that, but in hindsight I really feel like shit. Not only because of how the fight went, but because I'v already lost one friend (I posted the story here about ditching him at Wal-Mart) and it looks like I've lost at least two more. I don't even want to think about all of the other friends who usually attend the viewing parties every year. But I still think that my friends were overreacting to my decision. What do you think?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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OawHfIAQNhPHZaUgC6uocW5zUMcnOQlP | aglsm5 | {
"description": "being jealous of multiple personality \"adopted brother\" monopolizing my boyfriend's time and attention",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being jealous of multiple personality “adopted brother” monopolizing my boyfriend’s time and attention? | AITA for being angry at my boyfriend for this?
So to make a long story short, my boyfriend (M22) and I (F22) are long distance but we love each other very much and are very close. We have been dating for 9 months. We talk/WhatsApp call every morning and every night as we fall asleep, and inbetween when we can. My boyfriend is very loving and patient and we trust each other, although being an LDR is difficult. He takes the initiative 50-60% of the time and I know he genuinely loves me.
He’s also a huge people pleaser, which is important for what I’m about to tell you.
Anyway, my bf met this “famous” guy on Instagram, who he met in person only three or so weeks ago, and this new friend is calling my boyfriend his “adopted brother” and has spent all day long with him for the past three days, cutting into my time with him that I have been used to every day and night for several months.
This new friend has multiple personality disorder and has delusions of being famous (in reality he doesn’t really have friends). He has 340k Instagram followers and has delusions that the press is following him (he has people take pictures/video of him like he’s surrounded by paps.) He gave my boyfriend a friendship bracelet, clothes, sunglasses, and other gifts within 2 weeks of meeting him for the first time.
My bf explained to me that if he doesn’t do along with the whole “brother thing” it’ll crush this dude. Also my bf needs friends anyway and he says he genuinely enjoys hanging out with him despite his quirks.
My bf asked me to “be nice to his new “brother,” but I don’t want to be. Who the hell does this guy think he is??!
I think it’s important to note as well that my bf is extroverted and I know he needs friends since he is an immigrant (long story) and feels lonely often. My bf is aware and agrees with me that it’s strange, but he needs friends and wants to make this new “brother” feel validated even if it means going along with the complete lack of boundaries and bizarreness of it all.
This new friend also is an only child and my bf said that this guy said that he has “always wanted a brother.” I can tell that by and large he’s probably a perfectly nice guy, but it’s just so odd. (Thankfully this “brother” has a girlfriend, or I’d think he’s possibly gay for my bf.)
The past two nights, he has spent time with my bf and has stayed at his house hanging out until 2am. I’m typing this now as I cannot sleep because I’m so angry that my boyfriend can’t even respond to my calls/texts because he’s hanging out with his new “brother.”
Normally I would be happy but it is so hard being apart from him even on a good day. We live hundreds of miles apart and we can’t meet right now due to other circumstances beyond our control.
This guy has latched onto my boyfriend out of nowhere, acts like they’re family, and my boyfriend is more worried about offending him than he is about setting boundaries and making time for me, after spending 13 consecutive hours with this guy.
TL;DR: my bf of 9 months is prioritizing a new friend of 3 weeks over me, when we have been used to talking every night, he’s rather spend time with him now.
AITA Reddit? This feels like torture. It is just so bizarre and I feel like I’m losing my boyfriend to some nutjob that acts like he has monopoly over my boyfriend’s time and attention. I just needed to vent. Thank you for your time 🙏🏻 | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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qIPQQkPN3dnUBSV7M0KNme5lCqehM5UO | 9vd85f | {
"description": "being annoyed that my partner has not got in touch with me as their grandmother is dying in hospital",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for being annoyed that my partner has not got in touch with me as their grandmother is dying in hospital. | This is a throwaway account.
My partner's grandmother had a bad fall and is on her way out, they're just waiting for the inevitable. I kinda do feel like an asshole for being annoyed during what is a very difficult time for them but a part of me that wont go away feels like that it doesn't really speak that optimistically for the relationship if their reaction is to just shut down all communication with me. I know it's a very challenging time and I'm not expecting nor do I want constant communication or updates by any means but when it's been three days and not a single message, it does get to me, especially after the last message was them saying that they'd call me the next day to chat. I haven't tried calling them though as I didnt wanna impose on them either so I only sent messages. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
WgOBnQjRHeQaUdkftihVHQxMWZAm19je | axo6fy | {
"description": "giving my sisters dog away",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I gave my sisters dog away? | Mobile format blah blah. For context, my sister is currently 15 and I am currently 21, and a female. Sorry for the length.
About two years ago, for certain reasons, my dad, my younger sister and I moved to my grandparents house. It is a two story farm house with a backyard and a small pasture. When we moved, as sort of a gift, and to convince her to like living there, my dad and Grandpa went to the shelter and got her a puppy she had been saying she wanted.
Now, my sister has a history with pets. A bad one. Every pet she has owned has died or been given away within a years time. She has owned everything from hamsters to snakes to lizards to bunnies. She will pay attention to them for about a week, and then they will either die from not being fed or given away by my dad before that could happen. And I know my dad should've learned his lesson but his divorce was really rough and he used to really struggle with trying to make his kids feel at home. It's a long story I won't get into.
Like magic, my sister, as of now, no longer sees her dog. In fact, she has not set foot in this house in over a year; she lives at our mom's house now. But whenever my father brings up giving the dog away, she begins to cry and he drops the matter. Well, when he lived here this was not much of a problem, he is a fully grown adult that can take good care of a large German Shepherd mix dog.
But my father recently got engaged to his girlfriend, and is in the process of moving into her house a couple of cities away. Which is fine, but that just leaves my grandpa being the only person able and willing to try and care for this dog. However, unfortunately, within the last year my grandpa has had many many health issues. He is currently in the hospital for pneumonia, and will have to start using oxygen and a walker, so I have stepped up to the plate on taking care of this house. But along with shopping and working and taking care of everything else, I don't want to take care of this dog. I have purposefully not involved myself with her all this time. I feel so bad for this dog that just sits outside all day with no one to play with. She would be so happy with maybe a young boy to play with who has enough energy to run around and play with her. But me, I can't and won't. I know part of it is probably my personal agenda, but I want to sit down, tell her I'm giving the dog away, and then give her to a good home where she can play. WIBTA in this case? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 16,
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KKHNZhoZPIjh0kXzjMVwuRQ2sYyb7NIG | a2rt4s | {
"description": "not wearing a pink apron with sprinkles on it my so got for me",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wearing a pink apron with sprinkles on it my SO got for me? | I'm a dude and my hobby is baking. Christmas is coming and I always get stuff on me when I bake so I asked my SO to get me an apron so that gets dirty instead of my clothes. Well she got me an apron but it's pink and it has sprinkles on it (similar to [this](https://i.imgur.com/2ZYxZa6.jpg)) for less than 10 dollars. I thought it was funny so I tried it on when she brought it home and we both had a laugh. She asked me if I would wear it while I bake and I said maybe.
A few days later I made a pumpkin pie while she was at work and I didn't wear the apron she got for me. I didn't wear it because we live with my parents and I know they would make fun of me and laugh at me. When she got home she could tell I didn't wear the apron and she got surprisingly angry. She didn't understand why I wouldn't wear it and basically called me ridiculous for caring about the fact that it's pink and has sprinkles on it.
That's not really what I care about, I just don't want to be laughed at and I feel like that's why she got it. I would wear it if I was home alone but it feels like she got it so she and my parents can laugh at me because I'm wearing a woman's apron.
AITA for not wearing it? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
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u1KUe29V5pSzmAxzAaPWuZ6Ofj4bjcDx | b6pkiz | {
"description": "breaking up with a girl after finding out she slept with her fwb/roommate after our first date",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for breaking up with a girl after finding out she slept with her fwb/roommate after our first date. | I went on a date with this girl around 8 months ago. It went really well. At the end I asked if she wanted to come hang out at my place. She (very candidly) said she wasn't in the mood to hook up right now but probably another time. That was fine, I walked her home, we said our goodbyes, but did schedule another date. We ended up going on more dates and we decided to enter a relationship after a while.
Fast forward to last weekend, we were cuddling watching a movie and both a bit tipsy. The topic of our first date came up. I made a joke about how I had blue balls for a while after. Then she mentioned that honestly she wanted to sleep with me but was trying to keep with her policy of not sleeping with someone on their first date. This is where I should mention that she had a male roommate at the time- who I had briefly met a couple times. I had my own place, and again made sort of a joking comment about how the joke was on her since at least I had the privacy to rub one out after. There was an awkward pause, and eventually she said that she had ended up sleeping with her roommate. So I guess the joke was on me really lol.
I was pretty upset and we ended up getting into an argument. She kept saying that we weren't even a thing yet and that it had nothing to do with me. My argument was that sure that's true but that doesn't change how I feel about it. Honestly this might sound dumb but emotionally I felt as if I had been rejected in favor of some other guy that night. We agreed to talk about it when we were both sober. We ended up talking a couple days later and I broke up with her because I didn't think that was something I was going to get over. I told her I didn't think she did anything wrong, but it still got to me and I wasn't down with having those insecurities. She was absolutely livid (fair enough) and went on to go tell all our mutual friends who are pissed at me now. I didn't feel like I was disrespectful, I made it clear this was a me issue and that it was just unfortunately how things were. I never shamed her or anything. Now a whole bunch of people are all pissy towards me when it doesn't feel justified, nor do I think it's any of their business. AITA?
Tldr: gf had slept with someone else after our first date. I found out, wasn't cool with that, and broke up. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
osBc31FeNQuIetFkGe5YgLbz98vkkxFY | asu3hg | null | [Update] AITA for Confronted Dave today. I felt like I took things a little to far. | Hello again Reddit this an an update to another post here’s the [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/arn6l3/aita_for_telling_a_gay_person_to_leave_me_the/?st=JSDPDXXH&sh=b1f70388)
Now let’s get to the meat and potatoes. So today after school I confronted Dave. I walked up to him when he was alone and said in a calm and collected manner “Hey, I’m sorry for swearing at you but what you did was wrong I was surprised and I hope you can understand why I did it”. He follows up with a “Oh, it was just a joke you stupid homophobic N-Word” ( I’m black btw). I walked away without saying anything with him laughing in the background.
So I then went to the administration of my grade and told them about the issue. They had my friends as victims as well along with some witnesses. I asked them what will happen to him and they said he will most likely get suspended.
So Reddit AITA again???
Thanks Reddit for the support on my original post! | HISTORICAL | {
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Q6K6dCZEHkM9PlpLNpDMFbw763lth4Pw | awph4r | {
"description": "refusing to kiss my fiancé",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to kiss my fiancé? | I hate cigarettes, cigars, and certain vapes depending on the scent/flavor because I have asthma and it just sets my lungs ablaze. Also, my mom and grandmother have COPD. It generally runs in families, so I have a possibility of developing it as well. Not to mention I just fucking *hate* the smell. Always have, always will. It's mainly why I've never taken a single puff of any smoking object.
My fiancé knows this. He's smoked since before we met, so I try to not nag him because it isn't really fair. But he cannot smoke in the house or my car and he needs to use some mouth cleanser before he kisses me because the smell/taste disgusts me and if it's strong enough it upsets my throat & lungs.
Yesterday at a family reunion, he came in from smoking and immediately tries to kiss me. I dodge his kiss and the scent of cigarettes was so strong it made me cough. His brother gave me a "drama queen" look, but he's a dick anyways so I ignored it.
Today he was honest and told me that a few of his relatives messaged and questioned why I was "so rude", "publicly unattracted to and repulsed by him", and if he was really happy with me basically. He explained it was his fault and he just wasn't thinking and defended my asthma and general dislike of the habit. They then said it was using my asthma as an excuse and it "isn't even that bad" and I made a scene in front of them and probably embarrassed him. I've had an asthma attack in front of them before at a 4th of July party that ended up with me in the hospital, so they know how bad it is for me. They're just willfully ignorant and act like I choose to be sensitive on the subject.
Now I'm not apologetic for my asthma or reasons for not liking smoke.. but, AITA for the way I immediately backed away from him in public/in front of family? Was that an asshole way to go about it? They're making me feel like a jackass about it. | HISTORICAL | {
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lPJBIxwxY8h4rdlEHJC23ELd6TveAz9D | b8sxa8 | {
"description": "not telling my judgy best friend about me hooking up with a mutual friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my judgy best friend about me hooking up with a mutual friend | So this is my first ever reddit post, although I’ve been reading this subreddit everyday for about a month now. I’m also writing this on mobile, so excuse any errors. Anyways, for some background context I have three best friends, each who I love for different reasons and really value their opinions/advice. Well two of them are super open and understanding, one of them (call her L) can be very judgmental when it comes to topics such as sex, alcohol use, etc (raised super religious). It’s the type of passive judgement that kind of feels worse then direct judgement. So recently I’ve been talking to a mutual guy friend of ours and our relationship has turned somewhat sexual, nothing too serious just very casual. I told my other two best friends about it as I was seeking advice on the situation and they were completely understanding and not judgmental at all, in fact they fully supported me. However, now I feel awful about not telling L due to a fear of being judged/condescended but I’m also scared that if I don’t tell her now she’ll find out later and it will make the situation worse. Also, I have every single class with her (I’m in high school) so I feel like if I tell her I’ll never hear the end of it. I’m pretty conflicted. Am I an asshole for not telling her? | HISTORICAL | {
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v9J4dV0R1eqOUoxcn1MnYsp4JBIGef8I | b9kxgm | {
"description": "breaking up a couple because of an Affair",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Breaking Up a Couple Because of an Affair? |
This started 3 years ago. I was straight out of an abusive relationship and had no friends. Then I met a this guy and we started to become close friends. I knew he was in a relationship, but never saw him as someone I wanted to date.
We normally spent time in my room because I lived off-campus and therefore had my own room, while he had roommates. Our hangouts were completely innocent. He helped me come to terms with what had happened to me. Overall, a very wholesome friendship.
Then I noticed he was calling his girlfriend more and more. Now, I didn't really care. I wasn't going to stick my nose into his personal business, but he started to seem rather upset after they talked. Eventually, he let it slip that his girlfriend didn't like that we were hanging out. I offered to talk to her, to assure her that I had no interest in him in a sexual or romantic sense, and even told him that she was welcome to come hang out, although either he or she was completely against that concept.
We kept hanging out, though, even if it became less and less. Being older, I turned 21 before him and we decided that we would hang out and drink. It was college, we were there to have a good time, right?
He came over and we started drinking and having a genuinely good time. He told me at the beginning of the night that his girlfriend said it was okay for him to hang out with me as long as he didn't spend the night. I didn't think much of it until hours later when I realized this was his first time being drunk, and he fell down my stairs.
Seeing this fall-over drunk, underage boy, I didn't feel comfortable letting him walk or take a cab back to campus. I told him that he should text his girlfriend and tell her that he was staying over, but would not be in the same room as me or anything like that. He couldn't figure out how to use his phone or even remember his passcode. I put him into my bed with a bucket next to him and then I slept on the couch, checking on him every so often to make sure he was okay.
In the morning, he called his girlfriend to explain what happened. She demanded that he come home immediately and he texted me an hour later saying that she had broken up with him. We stayed friends for a little while after, and played DnD. One day, though, I received a text from him saying that I shouldn't come to DnD anymore as his ex was joining back in and he didn't want to make things weird. Turns out, she assumed he cheated on her and, what more, claimed it was "entirely my fault." She refuses to speak to me and has been telling everyone that I was responsible for the break-up. She is currently rooming with one of my close friends and has said that I am not allowed in the room because of what I did and says I'm the asshole who manipulated her boyfriend into cheating. So, Reddit, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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A0EnRYLyf01O7kScbVavrOqtSvRl7Ceg | atpplg | {
"description": "not dating any guy that shows interest in me since no one normally does",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I don't date any guy that shows interest in me since no one normally does? | I have this one guy telling me I'm like a female incel, really picky, entitled, and delusional. Basically, he was talking about something related to how women are bombarded with attention, while men get very little. So I mentioned that's mostly attractive women - I'm relatively unattractive and attractive women are pretty much invisible (as in no one really shows interest, I've never been hit on, only been asked out a few times in my lifetime, etc), as much as unattractive men are. He told me that's not true, and that unattractive women reject unattractive men every day, because they think they deserve better/are closed off to other unattractive people. So i say, how can I be rejecting all these people that aren't even there?
The dude kind of ignores the point then tells me to just make a tinder and I'll get tons of likes, which he think supports his point. I say I've never made a tinder, but just some kind of MeetMe app and got a couple messages from "desperate" guys (as in, the kind that send girls effortless messages that basically read like "hey bb wanna go out 😉"). But that in real life, when it comes to people who actually know me, there is nobody that is interested aside from a girl months ago (we were strictly talking about male interest, though I'm more interested in girls).
So he said I'm delusional, and throwing men in the trash needlessly. That I'm so entitled that I can afford to reject a man that I consider "desperate". He said I'm moving goal posts, he would be ecstatic if any woman messaged him and would give her a chance, and that men would kill to be in my position.
So.. am I the asshole? The way he sees it and I'm being entitled and picky if I reject the only person who shows interest in me, based on them coming off as desperate/not putting in effort. I thought I was reasonable, but someone else else was agreeing as well. Now I'm not sure if I really am too picky given most people don't give me a second glance. | HISTORICAL | {
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EHZ0rvk6ci22SV8LYJWd4XFumRkwnupY | ar952z | {
"description": "using this disrespectful girl's recent death of her father against her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for using this disrespectful girl's recent death of her father against her? | Let's call her T, we're in senior high, I transferred June 2018, and our sour history started on my first days.
It started when I caught her friend, on two separate occasions, silently standing behind me and snooping on my Messenger chat conversation with my SO. I let him slide the first time, but the second - I expressed annoyance and requested for him to stop doing it. T, with the guy and their friends, defended and justified the dude’s actions. In the end we agreed to avoid each other due to being incompatible people.
Since then T and her friends have been passively impolite to me. I’d often catch T’s boyfriend staring at me and smiling when he sees me visibly uncomfortable. They'd gather around me during hardware activities (ICT course) to confuse me. During class discussions where I express the same sentiments or opinions shared by majority of the class, T singles me out and is quick to counter my opinion if and only if it’s me who says it.
Some have noticed it. At one point, a classmate told me he noticed how I seem to be uncomfortable when T's group is around. Another told me to just ignore them.
I’ve been silent until tonight.
A classmate was complaining in our class group chat about the expensive fee of our graduation. T seen the message. I chimed in and agreed. As expected, T was quick to shut me down, “complain to the office, not here.”
I responded how I think she tends to single me out; asked if she has a problem with me, then we could talk about it.
T denied my claims and said if I didn’t like how things went in this school, then I should, “stop complaining and just transfer.”
I’ve had enough at this point. There’s only a month left before graduation. I wanted to stand up for myself before the school year ended.
Verbatim, what I said: "Okay, you've been a dick to me since day one. I'm joyful your father died. You deserve all the pain that comes with it, because you're a rude bitch. I’ve been seeing through your bullshit since day one. If you think you can intimidate me because I tend to keep myself to myself, and I’m an easy target, well you’re wrong. I’ve never spoken up about it because I hate drama. But, I’ve had enough of your attitude. Fuck you, I'm glad your dad died. If I offended you - GOOD. Fuck you, dipshit."
Everyone else was surprised and asked me to calm down. She was VERY furious, and her boyfriend even challenged me to a street fight along with variations of macho alpha male scare tactics.
I responded, "You don't get to cry like a bitch. You broke ethical rules since day one and have been disrespecting me the entire year. Don't dish out assholery if you can't take it."
That’s the last thing I said. I clicked out of the group chat and didn’t bother with her response. It would turn into an endless loop of ‘it’s not me, it’s you!” and I didn’t want to be in that circus.
I understand that was below the belt, but at the same time I wonder if that may have been too much. | HISTORICAL | {
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oZ19DvIEugCfn2Bi8sPYkUSgajnysn4d | b2ogdi | {
"description": "looking up my gf's best friends tits",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for looking up my gf's best friends tits? | So my gf has a best friend that we will call Beth. Beth seems to be a nudist of some sort. We she comes over to swim at our place she will ALWAYS skinny dip. When she spends the night her morning ritual is to take a shower then come out to the living room have a bowl of cereal butt ass naked before going back to her room to get dressed. So I have seen her naked more times than I can count and my gf has never once said anything about it.
So last week we went on vacation and my gf asked Beth to dogsit for us while we were gone and she agreed. So before we left I wrote a note detailing the ins and outs that she would need to be made aware of. The final note of the list was me letting her know that we put up security cams in the house. I did that with a little bit of humor by saying, "Friendly reminder: We installed security cameras so if you do the horizontal tango while we are gone, we will know and we will watch... repeatedly."
My girlfriend saw the note before leaving and didn't object to it at all. She just laughed and called me an idiot. So the first night my girlfriend tells me, "Looks like she found your note, she jiggled her tits in front of the camera." So I laugh and open my phone to take a look. My girlfriend gets mad at this asked if I really had the audacity to open my phone right then and there to look at her friends tits. I said, "yeah, it was apart of the joke that I left her. It isn't like I haven't seen them a thousand times before."
She called me a pig a walked off. So am I the asshole for breaking some obvious rule I was unaware of? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
MwTLm9d9Q01GhEwRLXVcJ36JYKkzen95 | a1vboq | {
"description": "throwing away all of my roommate's dishes",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for throwing away all of my roommate's dishes? | I'm physically disabled and unable to afford my own place, so a "friend" we'll call him Robert, and I share a one bedroom apartment. It was fine for the first couple of months, he would clean up after himself, but then it just went downhill. I started having to do insane amounts of cleaning, causing me immense physical pain because no matter how much begging I do, he won't clean up after himself, let alone clean the apartment with me.
I told him a week ago that I was absolutely done with it, that I was tired of cleaning up after a 30 year old man, and Robert flipped out saying he didn't have to clean anything because he was on the lease before I moved in and got put on the lease. And that if I didn't like it, I could move out.
So I stopped cleaning.
Except after myself.
I let the kitchen get disgusting from HIS messes, and seeing that he refused to clean anything, I bagged up ALL of the dishes on the counter and sink (that happens to be literally every dish in the house except for the ones I've been using) and threw them all away.
It's been literally MONTHS of me practically begging for help. I just stopped using my wheelchair a year ago, I'm still doing physical therapy, and use a walker frequently.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to clean up after a grown ass man and just simply throwing his mess away? | HISTORICAL | {
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ZAkzcC18qMeCecDSJKyoBVaaqdU2WVqz | ay2pyh | {
"description": "ruining my BF's dreams because he cheated",
"pronormative_score": 63,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for ruining my BF’s dreams because he cheated? | Hi everyone! This is my first post, but I watch a lot of Reddit videos so I thought I might be able to get help here.
For background, my boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years now. Things were going really well for a while, we were even supposed to get married last year. That’s when things went downhill. A month before the wedding he called it off. Since then, we fought a lot, but went to therapy and tried to work things out. Obviously, that didn’t really solve everything.
That brings us to this semester (we’re both college seniors) when shit absolutely hit the fan. Now, most semesters he takes 6 dance classes and does 2 dances for our schools company (if you hadn’t gathered, he’s a dance major). This semester he took 6 classes but also did 4 dances. He also has been taking a lot of outside volunteer work for the company. Not only does this mean he basically can’t work at all anymore, it also means when he gets home he just wants to relax because he’s exhausted. That wouldn’t be too bad if he threw away his trash, put his dishes in the sink, and put his laundry in the basket. But he doesn’t. So now I cook, clean, do laundry and dishes plus go to school full time and teach 15 hours a week.
To top it all off, I found out he cheated on me. When I confronted him about he he gave me a myriad of excuses like: I just like her because she’s skinny and I don’t really find you attractive any more (I’ve been working on losing weight but I’m recovering from anorexia so I have to go slow), if you didn’t want me to you should have just stopped me (???), and my favorite, I won’t sleep with her anymore but I just want to stay her friend because she’s funny (as a last ditch effort). When I made him block her because she showed up at our school while I was having lunch with him (she /still/ doesn’t know I’m his girlfriend), he broke his phone, then proceeded to blame me because I “made him anxious and embarrassed him”.
I’m tired. My family pays the bills and rent; he only pays for groceries. At this point, I want to kick him out. But, any time I tell him that he has to hold his end or leave, he says he would be homeless and I would be ruining his dreams. And he’s right. He doesn’t have the money to move out and would have to move 2 hours away back home with his POS dad. I would ruin his dreams of being a professional dancer. But I also just feel drained and used, and just want to feel good about myself again.
So, TL;DR my BF called off our wedding and cheated on me, but if I kicked him out I’d ruin his whole life.
So, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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FPBQ7s4Vd9DNnBvm5Nue3gjH1JddX0W4 | a4hn1l | {
"description": "breaking up with gf in art",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for breaking up with gf in art | I was in an art class at the beginning of the new school year, I was sitting next to my girlfriend at the time who I had been dating for about 4 months. While in the lesson we were joking around and teasing each other and at one point she flicked paint at me and as a joke I said to her that I'm breaking up with her, and as I said it I realized that was what I wanted so as she was laughing I said very seriously I'm not joking which was met with a confused "what?", I told her again that I wasn't joking and she ran out the class crying.
Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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BUmu9ALGIMomgboP0tkWsguz4sXYHynI | amqlxi | null | AITA in a cycle of painful miscommunications with my ex? | Tl;dr *before* this ridiculous, gargantuan post: locked in a cycle of fake-outs with my ex in which we seem like we might get back together, before it painfully and spectacularly fails. She suddenly dropped out of contact without explanation or an obvious cause, and I took this as my fault. I ran into her, attempted to say hi, and get a better idea of what was going on, but she refused to acknowledge me and told me she felt I was making a scene while she was dealing with issues unrelated to me.
I (20M) am a college student. A year/two semesters ago, I was in a completely exhilarating relationship with a woman (20F) I absolutely adored. Our relationship started and moved very fast as we had jumped into it nearly immediately after each exiting 4-year, very toxic, long-distance-since-the-start-of-college relationships with our SO's from home. The relationship was a lot of high highs and low lows: she was my best friend and it felt like we had an incredibly romantic and passionate thing that really restored my faith in relationships after losing it due to my prior draining and toxic relationship with my ex from home. However, as the semester wore on we fought more and more frequently, and trust became an issue as she kept (fairly extensively) texting *her* ex from home.
By the summer after that spring semester, we broke up (after having already broken up once and gotten back together during the semester). When we returned for this past fall semester, there was immediately a glimmer of hope that we would get back together––when all our friends had moved into another room, she kissed me, then apologized, then I told her not to because it was what I wanted, too. Cut to the next day when we're discussing what happened and what was going to happen, and she tells me that now, the next day (and sober), she feels like it was a mistake and we should just be friends.
We float on and off of speaking terms, eventually we reconnect and once again it seems like we're slowly inching towards one another. I won't say what I did because she's on Reddit, too (hey, dude. I'm sorry.), and I know that that especially was a painful experience for her and she definitely wants no record of it anywhere. Suffice it to say that I blew it spectacularly and in a fairly public way and I know I was the asshole in that situation. No need to consult the internet. We actually stayed on speaking terms for a full week following that, which culminated in another night on which we got drunk and kissed each other a bit, which was again followed by a conversation in which she told me she felt that was a mistake and she needed time away from me. We didn't speak to each other for a month after that.
Eventually, we resumed talking and so on. At the start of this current spring semester, we––once again––got drunk, kissed each other a little (just on the cheek this time, because *now*, we felt, we had learned to be cautious). The next day, you guessed it, a sober conversation: this time, though, we both said that we wanted to make it work between us, but that we both felt this required us to take it slow and be careful and work on rebuilding our friendship for a while before (as we both said we wanted to do, though obviously reserving the right to change our minds) trying to make the relationship thing work again. We agreed that it would be too painful for us to fuck this up again. Welp.
After about a week or so of hanging out a lot and getting along great, a couple things happen.
First, I should say, I have a bad, bad habit of instinctively looking at phones or other devices when a new message or text pops up. She (understandably) hates this about me and I have truly done my best to work on it. I think I am just so conditioned by my own devices that my first instinct is always to jump at the gratification of a new notification, even if it's not actually mine.
So, one night, she, my roommate (our mutual friend), and I are hanging out and working on a shared project of ours, and her phone lights up. I see it's a message from that same ex of hers, except, now, mans has a heart emoji in the middle of his name. Okay. We weren't together, she has the right to do whatever she wants, I think––but she knows that all of that business back when we were dating was very rough for me, and I feel as though, if he's in the picture, I should have been made aware of that when we had our conversation. In a brief moment when my roommate is out of the room, I tell her there's something I want to talk to her about later, but that it's too long and complicated to get into it before my roommate gets back. I know the enigmatic "we need to talk" is a bad look, and I realize this at the time, realize I'm being dramatic, and feel I should change course. Later that night, our hangout moves to another friend's place, along with my roommate's girlfriend. My roommate and his girlfriend leave, eventually, and she and I head out, as well. As she and I are saying goodnight, she asks what it was I had wanted to talk about, and I tell her not to worry about it, because I felt the way I brought it up was selfish of me and because all of this was predicated on me inappropriately seeing what was on her phone. I think I did say something like, "I just saw something I shouldn't have," which might be another no-good cryptic line from me.
The next night, we hang out again, we get drunk and I'm the only one there to notice that she's actually quietly crying. I ask her if she's okay and if I can get her anything, et cetera. At one point, while I'm watching my roommates play Mario Kart, she (as far as I can tell) reaches out and sort of affectionately touches me on the back, in a way she used to do. I, just being taken by surprise, flinch. Oops. But I try to respond after that making it clear that I didn't mean to, and that that was very much welcome and liked on my end. Later that night, in another brief moment when my roommate is away, I ask her what's up. This time it's her with the cryptic line. She tells me something about having had to "take a stun gun to her feelings," which I don't know if it has anything to do with me, or her ex, or something entirely unrelated to anything I can even think of. Then my roommate returns, and that's the end of that conversation.
In the days following, our contact is a bit more sparse, but one day, she messages me while I'm in class asking if I'm home. I say I'm not, but I will be soon, and once I get out she comes by and excitedly tells me all about how a professor asked her to do an independent study focusing on some kind of multimedia project (either a film or a series of podcasts). I am very happy for her, and as we get to talking, I mention that I am singing and playing guitar at an open mic the next day. She says yeah, she saw that on Facebook. Maybe I could have been clearer, but I thought it was pretty evident that it mattered a lot to me that she be there. As she was leaving that day, I said, "see you tomorrow?" to which she (pretty pointedly, my roommate and I thought) replied, "see ya." Ouch. I didn't really understand where that was coming from, but okay.
As expected, she didn't come to the performance. I didn't hear from her at all after that. Dropped off the face of the earth entirely. I assumed that it had something to do with the way I had cryptically brought up the thing about her ex, or otherwise something I had done. Which brings us to yesterday.
Yesterday, I saw her and her friend in our school's dining area. I actually ran into my roommate there, too. He was over talking to her when I came up, but I could tell from a distance that my presence was not welcome from her and her friend. Okay. I didn't approach further. Eventually, she and her friend get up to (presumably) go to the bathrooms down in the basement. Her friend returns first, and I then watch as her friend receives a phone call, goes back over to the door down to the bathrooms, and walks with my ex back to where they were sitting, in a pretty obvious defense against me talking to her. I am incredibly unclear on what is going on. I try to be friendly and wave––maybe she thinks *I'm* mad because she didn't come to the open mic?––her friend kind of uncomfortably acknowledges me. She acts like she does not even know I exist. They walk on.
Late last night, I write her an apology saying that obviously, whatever that interaction was was bad for both of us, and I'm sorry for whatever it is I had done, and even more sorry that I don't know what it was, but that I hope that things can be cool between us. (At this point, I have abandoned all hope of the relationship thing, for reasons that are probably clear.) She replies even later in the night (I am asleep) that she wasn't ignoring me and her mood wasn't in any way linked to me, but that she was dealing with some rough mental health stuff and talking to her friend about it. She told me she felt I was being extra, making a scene, and calling her out in public.
I responded in four too-long messages (can you tell I have trouble being succinct?) saying that that makes sense and that I'm sorry for misreading things and for doing anything to make a tough situation tougher for her. I also say, however, that it felt somewhat unfair to me to accuse me of making a public scene when I did not actually exchange a single word with her and no one in the entire cafeteria clocked our interaction other than her, her friend, and myself.
Brave Redditor, if you've actually made it to the bottom of this post, bless your good, sweet heart. I hope the vicarious turmoil of the last year of my life brings you everything you want and more. So please, tell me:
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if | HISTORICAL | {
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l34r0gToIDvOJl6wKG1cSLgnNAvoNwXL | b1mgsy | {
"description": "not inviting my girlfriend to visit my family down south due to her liberal views",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for not inviting my girlfriend to visit my family down south due to her liberal views? | I (38m) am hesitant in inviting my girlfriend to visit my family in South America due to the fact that her liberal North American views will not mesh with my family's conservative views. She is a bit of a crusader and I imagine she will use any opportunity to show everyone how not eating meat or only organic food makes you a better person. Her views against the idea of being a stay at home mom when she could also work and preach femiminism will do nothing but create friction in my 88 year old grandmothers house. Don't get me wrong I have female cousins that are lawyers, doctors and one is even a judge but they work hard juggling a home and professional life. They walk the walk my girlfriend just talks the talk. I explained to her that I want to enjoy my time with my family and I accept them for who they are. She really wants to visit my family and spend time with me traveling. She says she is open minded and will accept them but I feel I'm better off keeping my conservative family and her far away from each other. Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | WRONG |
cdA7ZgBMznxfVkh3egWoNjux59vbdozp | a0kixq | null | WIBTA is I pre-planned my funeral and paid for a simple direct cremation with no service? | I am considering pre-planning my funeral and I want to avoid as much financial strain on my family as possible. I found out that in Ohio you can get a direct cremation with no service for about $700, so it wouldn't be too hard for me to pay for that.
I am wondering if that would be a shitty thing to do to my family as they would not have a professional memorial service. I wouldn't tell my family about this plan until after I am dead (through a will or a letter of some sort.) | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
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CXRPqvW3i9nNNZudjocOL4v2r0PNXcQS | adpyux | null | AITA my girlfriend played along in a joke and it upset me? | AITA my girlfriend made a joke and I was upset by it?
A week or so ago I went to the mall with my GF and her friends. We walked past a lingerie store and they wanted to go in and I got dragged along. GF’s friend picked up a hot pink girly bra and said “[BF] would look GREAT in this, huh [GF]?” And my GF jumped right into the joke. She said “yeah he totally would! It’s perfect for you babe!” And laughed along with her friends. It was extremely emasculating and offensive. To let her know she’d offended and embarrassed me in front of her friends, I squeezed her hand while we were walking. She got all quiet and acted all upset, like I hurt her or something. I didn’t squeeze that hard. A couple minutes later I made her fall behind the group with me and told her how it upset me and why it was wrong. She acted like she was going to cry and acted sad or upset for the rest of the time, IN FRONT OF her friends. She was trying to make ME look bad of all people. Like I was some sort of prick in front of them. Then when we got home that night I tried to tell her what she did wrong and she ended up getting me mad enough that I yelled. She started yelling back and texting her friends probably saying I was a horrible person so I told her to get off her phone and handle this like an adult. We’re 21, for fuck’s sake. Anyway, she couldn’t take the fact that she offended me seriously. She’s still acting upset about this so now I’m here. Opinions? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 30,
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"RIGHT": 1,
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6l67AcD3gwCoYXiCuR0IQNDr37d9pWjy | anr4k4 | {
"description": "wanting to cut contact with a friend who is down on his luck",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to cut contact with a friend who is down on his luck? | I feel like there are parts of this I was the asshole, but I'm not entirely sure. I'll try to give as much information as I can and if you have any questions, please let me know and I'll try to answer them as best as I can.
Sunday night, I got a call from my friend Sharon. Since it was already almost 11pm, I ignored the call as I was sleepy and coming down with a nasty cold. I figured if it was important, she would call again or text me. Well, she did and even left a voicemail, which is unlike her. So I called her back right away (less than a minute later) and she didn't answer. Now I'm a bit worried so I keep calling and even messaged one of her friends. As I was getting in my car to drive to her house and getting ready to call her Mother, She calls me back and explains that the friend i texted Alfredo, needed a place to crash. There had been an incident regarding the mother and EMS was called (he didn't hurt her. She drank too much and he was worried about her.) Because he called EMS, she told him he had better be gone when she comes home. So he grabbed whatever he could and left. After being told that I drove straight to Alfredo's home to pick them up. Now on the phone I was told he needed a place to crash for the night so I was surprised when he came out with what looked like 6 different articles of luggage.
Once in the car, Sharon and Alfredo kinda fill me in on what happened. As we're driving Alfredo is calling multiple people to set up arrangements for the week. I offered my couch since it would be more convenient, as I only live 15-20 mins from them. Everything is agreed upon and we're all set. I drop Sharon off at the train station so she can catch a train home and drive home with Alfredo.
Once home, I show him where everything is. Tell him that everything in the fridge ( except a few dietary foods) are fair game. Just tell me what he took so I can replace and if he needs something else, let me know and I'll pick it up on my way home. We stay up till about 2am chatting, I'm trying to make sure he doesn't feel completely alone as he just went through hell. Eventually I do call it a night as I have work in the morning.
The next day, I get home and we sit there chatting some more. I poured myself a glass of wine (literally 1/2 a cup) and we continue out conversation. He tells me that he's applied to some places for work and is an appointment later during the week. Being in the mental health field, I tell him maybe try finding a counseling center. They can help him manage the trauma he went through as well as connect him to some services. At that point he asks me if Sharon asked me to talk to him. I told him no, this was just coming from my point of view. He didn't have to take my advice but it was another resource he could have. We're going back and forth between chatting about that and laughing at other things. It was a normal relaxed conversation. As we're talking I get some upsetting news from someone and I tell Alfredo that I'm gonna go take a shower and I'll be right back. He agreed and I go shower. I'm maybe in there for about 10 minutes or so.
I get out the shower and am putting lotion on when I notice my phone is flashing. It's a text from Alfredo saying "things to too intense and I needed to leave." I'm thinking maybe he started thinking about last night and got too emotional and went for a walk. But when I go to the living room I noticed all his stuff was gone. Now I'm worried about him knowing he has no where to go for the night and I texted him apologizing for ending our conversation and explained that I had gotten some upsetting news. I tried calling him and got no response. I immediately called Sharon as he had previously explained to me he has a history of depression and suicidal ideations and intent. I get no answer from her either. At this point I just threw in the nearest clothes I had on and ran to my car to go look for him. I'm still dripping wet from the shower and am wearing black not so modest pajama set. As I'm in the car driving around looking at the nearest bus stops, Sharon calls me and starts snapping at me. Demanding to know what I said to him, and what happened. Apparently he told her that I went on a drunken rant and was telling him what to do. I denied that happening as I wasn't drunk. Sharon asked me where I am and I tell her I'm driving looking for him. I'm on my way to his house at this point. Sharon l, after knowing me for about 6 years now, realizes that I would never get in the car if I was in any way inpaired. We hang up and after about two minutes she calls me back. Alfredo is willing to come back to mine. So I continue driving. 3 minutes later, she calls me back again and told me that he said he would rather sleep on the streets than see my face. I offer him just getting in the car, not talking to me, so he's not in the streets tonight. I even offer an Uber to bring him back to mine if he really doesn't want to see me. All my offers are declined and while I'm upset I decide to go home. Sharon said she would sort things out with him, and I told her while I hoped all was well, I'd appreciate it if she left me out of it.
The next day, as I think about things I feel upset. I hate how things went down. Especially him saying I went on a drunken rant. I feel upset as I feel like I was very generous and was lied about. Including Sunday, I had met that person only four times. I had messaged Sharon that he left dorm things at my place and that he could come get them on Tuesday (yesterday). Yesterday evening he texted me that he's super busy and won't be able to come until Friday. Sharon won't be able to come to our town for over a week and I would honestly rather not have contact with him. I haven't responded to his message about coming to get his stuff and have removed the key from it's hiding spot. Obviously if he's dying or something I will help but for now I need distance from him. Would I be the asshole if I didn't answer his messages and instead told Sharon I want to go no contact with him and he should arrange with her to get his stuff? They're nothing big, a book, toothbrush, lighter, and toothpaste.
The part where I feel like the asshole is having that drink in front of him. He's given up alcohol but we've had drinks around him before and it's never been a problem. I guess I wasn't thinking after what happened with his mother it might be a trigger? He seemed ok with it, as we were emailing before cause I had made a mixed drink but it was too strong so I dumped it out and opted for the wine instead.
I don't know guys. I don't know if I'm overreacting at this and would like some outside perspective. I've asked my best friend but she has a tendency to take my side most of the time and I'd like an unbiased view. Thank you in advance!
To;Dr: Offered my place to a friend of a friend. Things we going well until he started discussing employment opportunities and I have a few suggestions on where he might get some help. He blew up and told our mutual friend that I went on a drunken rant on him and was telling him what to do. Now he wants to come get his stuff but I no longer feel comfortable keeping in contact with him or seeing him.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
q3SEAlfTtNZBYT8193urgsv8gV48WaUX | a4zwom | {
"description": "wanting reminding my fiance to look for a job",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for wanting reminding my fiance to look for a job? | I have been supporting my unemployed fiance for a year while she finished her master in nursing and passed the boards to become a nurse practitioner. During this time she paid 0 dollars in rent and utilities. She passed the boards about a month ago and is "having a hard time" finding a job. I see posts all over the place for Nurse Practitioners, and she's saying she's applying but I don't know how hard she's actually looking. I don't want to give her crap for it because she actually talks about it quite a bit, but all I see is her laying around on the couch watching TV all day and night.
I was working from home today and she kept telling me to come hang out with her. I told her I had too much work to do and would be working throughout the night. I was annoyed at this point, because she kept interrupting me. She said "well why didn't you work over the weekend so you wouldn't have to work tonight?" This really pissed me off, since I saw her hanging around doing nothing all day, so I said "well why don't you get a job?".
Wrong thing to say. She screamed at me for a minute straight so loud that my ear drums actually hurt. At one point she just opened her mouth and screamed while stomping. So loud that I'm positive everyone in our neighborhood heard. She ran into the room after, slammed the door, and said to stay away from her. Which i'm doing. I know it was an asshole thing for me to say that, but was her reaction that warranted? Was it THAT much of an asshole thing to say? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
76mfWVOeCpvFbWg9WyLXvb29Y9QRU68G | ap5ihs | {
"description": "watching movies my Wife wants to see without her",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for watching movies my Wife wants to see without her? | I love to watch movies while my wife only gets the occasional movie that she wants to see. The issue begins when a movie comes out that we both want to see. We are often too busy to go to the theater so we usually watch it on netflix or redbox.
When a movie we both want to watch hits one of those media sources, I always suggest we watch it together when we have time. I almost always get the same answer from my wife where she does not want to watch it right now. Her reasoning for this is she finds the two hours for most movies is to much of a commitment, but then will watch 3 hours of crap TV.
After a few weeks if not months I just end up watching the movie by myself and she ends up getting annoyed when she finds out.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
XxBnsX7JMIDXbaBN13XuA15bGHYltkTa | a9q7f8 | {
"description": "not wanting to go halfsies on a wall mount with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to go halfsies on a wall mount with my girlfriend | I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years and we moved in together about a year and a half ago and have lived in two different apartments. When we moved into our first place together I bought a 50 whatever inch TV and a wall mount to put it on. We both use the TV often. When we aren’t working at least one of us is using it. Usually using my PS4 to watch movies, Netflix, play games, whatever.
I had a second TV I brought with me, a smaller with me, like a 22 inches. In our first place we had that one in the bedroom we’d use it with chrome cast, but in our new place the bedroom doesn’t get good WiFi reception so it’s just been hanging out, not being used.
We recently rearranged the bedroom and found spots that do get good WiFi. My girlfriend says that she wants to mount the smaller TV to the wall, and asks me how much the first mount cost. The first one was like $110 but the second tv is a lot smaller and less heavy so I’m not sure how much it will be. She says she wants to mount it on the wall and that’s pretty much the end of the conversation, I don’t really think too much about it.
After Christmas she got a few amazon gift cards and she’s thinking out loud about what she wants to buy with them. Eventually she remembers the wall mount conversation and asks if I want to go in on half of it with her. I say no not really, in my mind that’s something she wants to do, her “project” so I say no. She doesn’t really like that answer, and I say I want to buy new parts for my computer should she be expected to pay for half of those? She says that’s very rude. I wasn’t trying to be rude, just explain how I see things.
We start getting more into the conversation, arguing a bit, and I’m asking why should I be expected to pay for half the wall mount if she’s the one that wants it. She says it’s because it’s MY tv that I should pay for half. In my mind she wants a tv and a wall mount, I’m essentially giving her the tv already, so she can buy the mount. I didn’t ask her for any money for the big tv or the big wall mount when I bought those, I just bought it for both of us because it would be good for the living room. The argument devolves into her saying I dont buy anything for the house and she has to cover everything, now we’re both mad at each other.
So I’m asking here, am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 10,
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MWklCCIBCA3n2ECw9qKbS0OaQ1Kl357A | aajfy4 | {
"description": "telling a Group to shut up during a Movie",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Telling A Group To Shut Up During A Movie? | This happened a few hours ago. I was at the theater with a girl I've been dating for a few weeks; we were watching Aqua man (didn't like it). In the row behind us there were three 30-50 year old dudes.
Now where I live the people that show up early like to talk before the movie begins, but when the movie starts everyone shuts up. Well, except for the guys sitting behind us. They were talking at a regular conversation volume throughout the movie. About 30 minutes into the movie, my date whispers how annoying they are, so I turn around and quietly tell them to please be quiet. Surprisingly they seem very understanding and stay quiet for a bit.
Eventually they start talking loudly again, and I can tell my date is getting mad. I turn around and say "Guys, can you please just shut up?" in a slightly louder tone. My date still seems mad, and when the movie finishes I ask her whats wrong.
She says that I embarrassed her when I told them to shut up and that I should've been polite. I then told her that I already tried being polite and they didn't listen, but she didn't want to hear it. So Reddit, am I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
AyjV8CObdjp3rt87huvg8qcDiJYN7p7J | a8gwvo | {
"description": "moving on to a new girl when the other kept turning me down",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for moving on to a new girl when the other kept turning me down? | Long story short: I was trying get with a coworker who would flirt with me at work but start avoiding, ghosting, etc. when I actually ask to hang out so I decided whatever there’s plenty of fish and got with a different girl instead and stoped talking to the coworker. Now the coworker thinks I’m an asshole and a womanizer/fuckboy/whatever because of that. Is that even fair? Like what am I supposed to do? Keep chasing after a girl who doesn’t really like me? I think I made the adult decision to stop wasting my own time. It would be another thing if I started being mean to her or something for rejecting me, but I’m not. I just don’t talk to her anymore because we clearly don’t want the same thing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
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