id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
IjNUkacIq2xtSIb6hHhS01vhhyevnjrg | ak6k6v | {
"description": "getting upset with my boyfriend when he didn't wake me up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting upset with my boyfriend when he didn't wake me up? | Hey guys, It's a long one. TLDR at the bottom.
Ok for some background we are both college students and have classes on Monday through Thursday at 11 a.m. Also, last night my boyfriend's cousin was in a car accident (they're ok) and we didn't leave the hospital until about 3 a.m. and went to sleep at about 5 a.m.
Last night, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to set an alarm for 10 or 11 or whatever, I just didn't want our sleep schedule getting messed up. He said he already set one so we went to bed.
I woke up this morning to him saying hey and asking me if I wanted to get up yet. Now, we have a system that goes back years where one of us asks the other if they're ready to get up. If the answer is yes, we come back with coffee, and if the answer is no, we come back in about 30-60 minutes as a "snooze." So today when he asked me, I said I wasn't ready to get up yet and he said, "ok, I'll be back for you in a while."
When he woke me the first time, I thought it was at about 11, as that's when I was thinking it was time to get up. My boyfriend told me that it was at about 2 p.m., and had I known that I would NOT have stayed in bed (also I'm not entirely sure that he had the time right, as it didn't feel that late to me).
So I went back to sleep, but was restless and kept waking up. It felt like it had been at least a few hours since my boyfriend came in, so I got up to check my phone and it was *4 O'CLOCK.* I freaked out a little bit and went to go talk to my boyfriend, who was playing video games in the next room.
I told him that I was upset. I said that I didn't blame him for my body not getting me up at noon, but I was trusting him with setting an alarm and also with coming back in to get me like we always do. I told him that since i struggle with insomnia that I'm going to be up all night and am going to have to reset my sleep schedule the hard way by staying up late and getting up super early.
He told me that he was really upset that I was blaming him, and that he didn't come get me up because I already got myself up, but that was at least 2 hours after he said he woke me the first time. He said that he didn't think that it was his fault and that I was being unfair.
TLDR: I wanted to get up early so my sleep schedule didn't get messed up. My bf tried to wake me and then let me sleep until I woke up naturally, which was at 4 p.m. and now my sleep schedule is ruined and we are both mad at eachother.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
959522vrVzyfgeofs6eMUtMsPfSygs5u | amv6bb | {
"description": "criticizing my wife for questioning a guy about his dreads and then touching them",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for criticizing my wife for questioning a guy about his dreads and then touching them? | Last night I was on a double date with my wife and another couple at a bar. There was a black dude playing that had a Jamaican style hat on with dreadlocks. My fairly drunk wife went up to him and asked if they were real or if it was once of those "hats with the fake dreds attached". I admonished her for this and said that that was a totally inappropriate thing to do. Both her and the couple I was with said that I was being ridiculous and overreacting. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
euw5awOhXf7mX1pl4KyBou2HpGuEPRRO | b4ib7w | {
"description": "removing my friend off of our clubs group me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For removing my friend off of our clubs group me? | So i have known this friend for a few months now, completely casual relationship outside of a few text here and there, until it turned into something more. We ended up hanging out, sleeping together, which turned into a 3 day weekend thing and we discussed being together. The problem arose with the fact she was in a semi on again off again fuck buddy relationship with her ex of 3 years who she texted telling him she could not talk to him anymore because she found someone else(I.E me), he ended up flipping out, had an emotional breakdown and even used her mom against her. Her mom Happens to be very protective, so when she was gone for 3 days barely telling her where she was outside of the usual with friends response and found out she had spent all that time with me, she was livid when her ex told her the details and where she was.
Her mom ended up convincing/forcing her to come back home on the 3rd day to talk to her and her ex about everything, i was a little worried but not too much but our previous "relationship" which seemed to be forming was left in chaos, since then it's been 3 weeks with no word from her on what happened or what she decided on doing about her ex. I have texted, called or tried to call(she has me blocked now) and leaves me on read on the group me. Finally i had enough, i hit her up with a nice and well written message saying i hope she feels better, but i can't keep waiting without any information and i understand the problems she is facing but i don't like being outright ignored especially when we discussed beforehand i'm not that invested where hearing she wants to be with her ex will ruin me, but just tell me what's going on so i can process it all. Instead after waiting a day, i ended up getting frustrated and hit her up on our groupmes main casual chat asking her to check her pms. She responds "Leave me alone" and... i kind of lose it, i recently lost my brother(he's actually a long time family friend) and emotionally i'm not in a great mindset but i chose not to air dirty laundry in the chat. Instead i tried to hit her up one last time in a PM and through one of my google voice numbers( I have 3 google voice numbers, mostly for getting discounts or making new account info for certain sites) she never responded but instead blocked me again.
I know at this point i read the wall, obviously she doesn't want to talk to me, just move on etc i get that and normally if i was in my right mind i would've but i'm stuck in the city for his candle light vigil and honestly i just couldn't focus on other stuff. So i said screw it and decided to get back at her, i noticed our group me allows people to remove members regardless of any type of admin privilege so i removed her from both groups and said "Your wish is my command" right before i kicked her out of the chat. Am i the asshole or should i feel right to have these annoyed feelings? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
v13urERDMGF39B7AmPQ5BuodndZTgVyt | a5dwrp | {
"description": "not letting my 3 legged cat go outside",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting my 3 legged cat go outside? | My husband and I adopted Junkrat at a shelter about a year and a half ago. He was already a tripod, hence the name. The shelter assumes he was ran over by a car, so the fear was instilled in me on the get go.
My vet friend and family members are telling me its cruel to not get him some fresh air and "cat time"
I'm legitimately worried I'm being cruel and overbearing. But also would feel horribly guilty if anything does happen to him.
What do. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
62bubrTqtdDRIp7fzU1AYwbpYzWjkzlQ | 9u17zb | {
"description": "being an asshole to my friends asshole",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being an asshole to my friends asshole? | I fingered his butt and didn't give her a reach around. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
cRA8TZhhfBDzkETFns6oeKF7CovZzWZJ | aozrpp | {
"description": "not wanting to drink expired medication",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to drink expired medication | So this is my first pose and I’m really sick so this might be a little messy
I have a really bad cold rn .I’m Talking Tonsilloliths (tonsle stones ) runny nose , sore throat , coughing and Fever also pain in my ears . I’ve spent the whole day on the couch covered in layers of blankets. My mom is one of those Facebook moms who thinks Ebola can be solved with rest and tea . So my mom keeps giving my tea saying it will solve my cold . As she’s been saying this for three days . Finally I get sick of the tea not working so I ask my mom for real medicine. My mom says whatever , so I being my journey to the medicine cabinet. I find some fever pain cold stuff medicine and bring it to the kitchen . So I can get a table spoon or teaspoon to take it with. I check the back it says I need to take like two tablespoons. So I look at the back again before I take it and it said it Expired 03/17 TWO YEARS AGO like wtf . So I put it in the sink and say “ hey mom ( cough wheeze barley able to speak ) this expired two years ago” . In which she replied “ oh come on really your gonna complain about this now “ . Me “ so I’m just supposed to drink expired medicine “. Mom “ I’ve been on this earth longer that you have you will be fine “ . Me “ I’ll just go find something else” . Dad “ it’s the sell by date “. Me “ it says expired by “ . Dad “Just get out of here “ Mom “ It’s fine people drink expired meds all the time “. Dad “ just go go “ . | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ENd3WJTooLI3mpCfGLY0xILDtfl4RKh3 | 9x5671 | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend her long-term plan, if her current plan fails",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for asking my girlfriend her long-term plan, if her current plan fails? | Some back story, sorry if this is too long...
My girlfriend and I have been together for five years, the first four of those long-distance (she was in Boston, I was in New York). We're both in our early thirties. About a year ago, she left her job and moved in with me, planning to find a new job ASAP. She left her job and moved because we were both unhappy with the long-distance thing and neither of us wanted to live in Boston. Problem is, she hasn't been able to find a job in the area. On top of that, NYC just keeps getting more expensive, and we don't really like living here, so we'd like to move somewhere cheaper/friendlier. She's started searching for jobs in Boulder, we visited and we like it there, but it's been several months of looking there and she's still not getting any offers.
Here's where I start to feel like an asshole: I'm starting to feel impatient. It's been a year now that she's been unemployed and I'm supporting her. I have a high enough salary to do so comfortably, but it's putting a dent in how much I can save. On top of that, I'm miserable here. My job kind of sucks, but I don't want to find something else here, because we want to move. On the other hand, I don't want to find something on my own in Boulder, move there, and still be supporting my girlfriend - what if there isn't a job for her there, either? I want to make sure wherever we live, she has gainful employment. I'd like to talk about starting a family but I don't want to do it as the sole breadwinner.
We've talked about this a few times, but I'm trying really hard not to be pushy. She gets very discouraged about the lack of job offers and I know she feels lousy about it, so I don't want to pile on. At the same time - she kind of seems like she's okay with just being unemployed and living off my salary indefinitely, and I'm concerned about that. She knows I'm miserable and talks a lot about finding something in Boulder to "get me out of here" but there are also a lot of days when she doesn't even do any job-hunting. I know she's trying, and I don't want to set a hard deadline of get-a-job-or-else, but I do want to know that there's a long-term plan, a backup plan for her/our future, if she just can't find the kind of job she wants in her field. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't have the same sense of urgency that I do to take the next step in our lives. WIBTA if I expressed these to her? Or if I asked her to tell me her long-term plan for becoming more self-sufficient and independent? Alternately, AITA for even contemplating that she might not be able to get the kind of job she wants?
Tl;dr girlfriend is unemployed and I'm supporting her, I want to bring it up and ask about the plan to change this situation, but don't know how to do it without being an asshole.
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
d90iquymO7t1RjsI7OUro1KWoY8s0R2K | aoe8qf | {
"description": "being upset at my fiancé being petty over video games",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset at my fiancé being petty over video games? | hey there. in mobile so forgive any mistakes.
my (25F) fiancé, lets call him Jon (24m) takes video games way too seriously.
my fiancé is very into Overwatch. he’s a diamond/masters player, and always feels the need to insert that fact into every argument we have regarding the game. i also play Overwatch as a gold player, and he is constantly shittalking any player lower than he is (“oh they’re a plat/oh they’re just gold” which insults me because i’m gold myself, etc).
the problem: every time he plays the game, he feels the need to teabag any enemy who does ANYTHING to him, constantly spams “Thanks!” to his team when they don’t do what he wants, and will throw consistently if his team doesn’t do what he seems to be “the right thing” (bc you know, he’s masters and knows these things /eyeroll). i wouldn’t have a problem with this if it was competitive or a once in a while thing - but this happens every single time he plays the game. he only does arcade/qp, since he does placement rounds in comp and then quits comp for the season for the most part.
we got into a big argument tonight where he was defending his actions, which were basically endless teabagging and sending toxic messages via PSN to the enemy (calling them a “low SR bitch lol” and other shit), he said he “wasn’t going to let himself be bullied” despite the fact that he was the only one sending toxic shitty messages to people. i understand it’s frustrating to lose a game and it’s frustrating when your team doesn’t do what you’d like — but i feel he’s taking it a step too far. it’s incredibly off-putting and i’ve told him many, MANY times how his actions on Overwatch negatively effect me, but he refuses to do anything to change his behavior. to be honest, if he’s going to act like a tilted 12 year old over something as simple as a video game, i’m not sure i even want to be with someone like that. this has been a continuous problem throughout our relationship since OW came out — him being petty on Overwatch and me being upset by it, and i’ve let him know this many times. he doesn’t seem to care, especially since he’s repeatedly said that it has nothing to do with me/why should it bother me/what he does on Overwatch isn’t my concern. except that it is, since even though we have two PS4s/TVs he refuses to play in a room i’m not in, so i have to deal with his pettiness and toxicity, not to mention the fact that HE IS MY FUTURE HUSBAND.
i understand that it’s frustrating sometimes but shit, just leave the game?? and honestly if your FIANCÉE is telling you that it makes you less attractive/childish/irritating, is that not enough reason to change? it’s a VIDEO GAME and he is sweeping aside all of my reasoning in favor of “defending himself” against other toxic people on OW regardless of the fact that he’s sinking to their level. and honestly more often than not his team is just doing what they want — but it doesn’t fit his narrative of how they’re SUPPOSED to be playing the game so he becomes toxic and spams “Thanks!” and repeatedly suicides. it’s becoming a very big problem in our relationship and he refuses to listen to me, his fiancée who IS affected by it, bc he doesn’t think that it should affect me/i shouldn’t be concerned with it.
i don’t know what to do. he won’t listen to me and won’t take my advice because he believes his “retaliation” by teabagging/sending shitty messages/suiciding is warranted because his team isn’t doing what he wants/what he thinks is up to standard, even if he isn’t on voice chat or anything. he’s acting like a teenager and it is the least attractive thing i’ve encountered. it’s affecting our relationship and i want it to stop, but despite knowing this, he refuses to change. he’s been suspended on PSN multiple times and honestly i can’t WAIT until he’s banned for good, but i know he’d just make a new account and continue on.
AITA for wanting him to act like an actual adult and not be super childish and petty over a video game? it feels like he just won’t listen to me and honestly, as silly as some might think, this is a deal breaker for me. i’m not here to marry some toxic teenager. what do i do? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GIWg7z0G9jYGfgyZ8bFrrHGvVsTWalEY | a5ro4v | null | AITA Husband is restricting my budget | I am a SAHM. I quit working on hightech to take care of my first born. We are pretty well off. We agreed that we would use his salary to live and whatever is left after all the mutual expenses would be divided between both of us. We have 3 accounts, a shared one, and each has their personal one so that we can each spend our money however we like. Its worth mentioning that he grew up poor and i didnt, so a lot of the things i spend money on are unreasonable for him, hence the separate personal accounts, to avoid conflict.
I have been optimizing our shared expenses so that we both get more money each month.
We got to a point that i am spending less than 2 3rds on mutual expenses, just as an example, lets say we have 30 total, mutual is 17 so we have 13 left, 6.5 each. He came to the conclusion that he needed more than me as he has an expensive hobbie, i said ok, u get 7 i get 6. Now he says that i should get 4 because he thinks that should be enough for me to spend and save. This is because he is trying to teach me a lesson. Like i said he doesnt think i spend my money 'wisely' and i should learn.
I think that its not his problem and this is the reason why we have separate accounts, so that he wouldnt intervene in my spending the same way i wouldnt intervene in his.
Another thing worth mentioning is that he is in the asperger spectrum so it is very difficult (if not impossible) to reason/settle with him if he doesnt believe its the 'truth'
On one hand he is the one bringing the money so i cant really argue to much, however since all the house/kids workload is on me i do think i have a say (he has not used this argument at all, he never said its my money so i decide, but it is implied as it is the reality)
This post became longer than expected, so am i the asshole for not agreeing with his approach?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
4E13WncmicG2me5SvsC04Oop5L5g9lkJ | ac926v | {
"description": "bringing my girlfriend to my sister's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I brought my girlfriend to my sister's wedding? | TL;DR at the bottom.
I (F) and my girlfriend have been dating for about 6 months now. My sisters and my parents know that I am bi and they have all met and approved of Girlfriend. However before the holidays, Mom made it clear that she did not want me to talk about Girlfriend during the holidays with any of my extended family. I agreed with this because
a) my 91 year old Oma is very conservative and very fragile and we don’t want to stress her out with any drama.
b) Mom has a lot of anxiety and is really self-conscious in front of her siblings / my aunts and uncles. She is still working herself up to tell them about my personal life.
In defense of Mom, she has made a lot of progress in accepting who I am. When I first came out, she explicitly told me she would rather I only dated men. She is constantly remarking on my sexuality with a “I just don’t get it.” And “Good grief, RubyBop”, but she is also genuinely curious and asking lots of questions about myself and Girlfriend. She even hugged Girlfriend when they first met!
So I agreed to cut her some slack and leave the gay talk behind during Christmas. I did not expect to feel as sad as I did.
Everyone in my family (including both sisters and my 18 cousins) has an SO in some form or other. By all appearances, I was the only single adult. This wouldn’t have bothered me if I was actually single and actually straight, but as the days wore on, I was exhausted from constantly avoiding hot button topics or fibbing about my life. Meanwhile, I’m envious of every person that got to invite their SO to our parties or at least talk about them.
And now, my sister: she’s not engaged yet, but I know that her boyfriend has bought a ring and I know that she won’t hesitate to say yes. Once all is said and done, I really want to ask my sister if she will let me bring Girlfriend to the reception. We will have been together for at least a year by the time the wedding takes place.
My reasoning is that most of my extended family will not mind that I’m in a same sex relationship, and those that do will have the decency not to say anything. Even Oma will be too oblivious to realize it. She already has a hard time keeping track of how many great-grandkids there are and over Christmas she kept calling me \[sister’s name\] and asked me where I worked four times. Bless her heart.
Literally the only person that would have a problem is Mom with her anxiety.
If were just up to her, I don’t think my sister would mind, but I’m worried about putting her on the spot or guilting her into saying yes. And if Mom is there whispering in her ear, she could be even more stressed. My sister is definitely more open-minded than Mom, but she can be just as emotional in stressful situations and I want her to be happy on her wedding day.
\---
TL;DR: I want to come out to my family and bring my girlfriend to my sister’s wedding. But Mom wants to keep everything a secret. I’m worried that if I do, my sister (the bride) will be too stressed to enjoy her special day.
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BAaClJOqKQ8HYde8bWn4xviEiSLvWGlY | a59zyc | {
"description": "not immediately leaving the room when my roommate came in his his gf",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not immediately leaving the room when my roommate came in his his gf? | So I'm in the middle of finals week and wasn't pleased with my first exam grade, so I've been spending extra time studying for my upcoming exams. Last night while I was studying, my roommate came in with his girlfriend and they started watching Netflix very loudly. My roommate texted me saying "leave", but I still wanted to review a few more notes and didn't want to pack up and go to the library because i would lose my focus. It wouldn't take too long and I would go to the gym afterward. He started getting passive aggressive and turned up the Netflix volume, then decided to play guitar for his gf. This morning he called me a piece of shit abd a cockblock.
I wouldn't have had a problem if he texted me ahead of time and gave me a heads up so I could pack up and go, but he just barged in unannounced and expected me to immediately leave. Also him and his gf raid my fridge all the time and it pisses me off, I've called him out on it but he doesn't care. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
TazMRcdcb1x4qWhPejWVljGoMEnGx45k | b1421s | {
"description": "stepping down from my friend's wedding 2 days prior",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | WIBTA If I stepped down from my friend's wedding 2 days prior? | A good friend of mine got engaged last July and asked me to be her maid of honor. I've had my reservations about the whole thing from the start seeing as they had only been dating for a month when he proposed. And there seem to be a lot of red flags with the guy. I tried to be supportive and help her plan it last summer (because weddings take a lot of fucking planning) but one thing or another got in the way. She's super scattered and flakey anyway so we just never made any solid plans. They didn't set a date until mid January. I happened to start a new job in January so I have 0 free time for anything now, especially when she lives an hour away and was my baby sitter (but stopped babysitting to plan her wedding) so now I also don't have a babysitter.
So now we're a couple days out from the wedding, there is no real plan, she barely answers my texts to try and figure out what's going on. There isn't even a rehearsal. And she keeps making plans without saying anything to me and then getting irritated when I can't participate because I wasn't given notice. I couldn't attend her bachelorette party because I had to work, told them all that day wouldn't work for me, but it's my fault apparently.
I'm so over this whole thing. I really don't want to go. I don't want to be a part of it. It's exhausting and stressful and has sent my anxiety through the roof. So would I be the asshole if I told her I didn't want to be part of her wedding 2 days prior?
Tl;Dr : Friend is having a cluster fuck of a wedding in 2 days and I don't want to be her maid of honor (or even in the wedding at all) anymore.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
KY6mg5ESqvSOLuLy1wDCQtunxSphSgyV | acqccu | {
"description": "not introducing my boyfriend in the middle of a really intense conversation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not introducing my boyfriend in the middle of a really intense conversation | Okay, so there's a bigger backstory here but I'll give you the basic gist. I am a seamstress, and I do quick mending jobs on the side. A girl contacted me about fixing her winter coat, so I let her hang out while I stitched it. We got to talking, and realized we had met before under very dubious circumstances. Turns out, that both she and I had dated the same guy at the same time (open relationship) and he had been pretty shitty to both of us. He slept with her best friend, gaslighted me for months, did other shitty stuff. In the middle of having this conversation with the girl, remembering all the ways that this guy had been a jerk to us, my boyfriend comes over. He walks by without saying hello and goes into the kitchen. Later after dinner, he gets really angry with me for not introducing him and says it made him really uncomfortable.
AITA for not introducing my boyfriend while I'm actively reliving an incredibly shit part of my life? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0GXHUFy3M1GIWjskmPQ68GF2V2mlbVyo | ajmnn3 | {
"description": "not wanting to talk to my ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to talk to my ex | I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago because he just wanted to keep it a secret because we’re gay and I just couldn’t take it so we broke up. Am I an asshole for not wanting to talk to him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OCzEUDfgTCUmyux8k8SCQwxEktc9oiEN | b9yb9l | {
"description": "asking my friend to not play certain songs",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking my friend to not play certain songs? | Something that I’ve honestly stewed on for a few months and I’d love to finally get some resolve to this question.
Context:
My friend (Josh) and I play music together in a band. Josh is a fantastic guitarist and singer, and he’s really had to work on it but it’s definitely paid off. I’ve always fancied trying to sing (I play drums) and I thought I’d give it a go.
So I picked up a guitar and started learning some songs by my favourite band - easy stuff to get me going. My friend heard these songs and then decided he wanted to cover them. This is where it got awkward. By him playing them, I felt like it kinda put a dampener on my learning. People heard him playing and assumed I’m trying to copy, albeit kinda badly. I just wanted these to be songs that I could play on my own without people making a direct comparison between our covers.
I politely asked Josh it he could just refrain from playing these songs - just til I practiced them and felt confident. At the time he agreed and said it was no problem but it kind of came up a few weeks later and he clearly thought my request was a dick move.
So Reddit, was I in the wrong? I’m completely aware that this comes from a place of insecurity but I always wondered if my request was too much. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
W4qY4dXMJ1Jp4pdllHimGcsQSSvInQfc | awa6c5 | {
"description": "turning down a job",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Turning Down A Job? | This has been on my mind, and I need to hear the internet's judgement to see if I'm in the wrong.
I have been job hunting a lot. A few months back, against my better wishes, I gave my information to a recruiting agency. I'm not a fan of them, as you end up with a lot of "please pass this information along", but I figured the extra job opportunities couldn't hurt. They eventually found a company I thought I'd love.
Two phone interviews later, they want to see me in person. I'm ecstatic. I'd love to work for this company. My agency has sent me their health benefits earlier, though no other information. I ask what their PTO (paid time off) and 401k information is, and they give it to me after verifying it is accurate. At this point, I am going to meet in person, and note that their benefits aren't great. But I still have no clue what the pay is. I fly out to meet the company with a ticket paid by the potential employer and it seems promising. I think I'd be a great fit for their company.
I get the job offer. I am understandable on the pay; its good, and I am not against it. However I couldn't overlook the benefits. More expensive healthcare, a considerably smaller company match than my current 401k (match doesn't even start until after a year of employment), and a whole week less of PTO (two weeks less the first year of employment). I turn down the offer stating the reasons.
Time for my judgement. Note that I have only been in touch with the recruiter, as I have no contact information of the company. I tell the recruiter why I'm turning it down as stated above.
"[plasmafire117], let me ask you this... Why would you spend the company's money on flying you out there, and then turn it down, if the benefits were going to be the reason you rejected? You knew about them before going to see them."
I tell him I knew the benefits, sure, but he had only given me health. I had to ask for the other two (PTO\401k), and a that point plans had been made.
"But you never asked for those sooner."
I tell him that I had no way of knowing until an offer was put. I'd take lower benefits for higher pay, so I'd have taken it. But I know they are already offering me on the high end, and can't change benefits! How could I have known until an offer was made?
He continued to berate me for a bit on how I wasted his time and the company's money... slightly mad at how he responded, I told him to remove my information from his agency. I wanted nothing to do with them after that interaction. I then told him to have a nice day and hung up.
So... judge me. AITA for going on this trip and 'spending their money'? Am I in the wrong? I can't stop thinking about it. I feel bad sure, because I really felt this company would be great. But with a family and the benefits, I couldn't overlook how much less we would get. Should I have canceled the trip? Should I even be thinking about this so much? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jiLvCJjEbWuLDxb2vg5evDbEAzbnTWp5 | asp8h4 | {
"description": "cancelling the exam-appointment",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for cancelling the exam-appointment? | I'm 26F, have quite damaged teeth from a disease and visit the Dental clinic here quite often. Some treatments are more expensive, my budget tight, so i got offered a place in the student courses. Nice girl there treted me amazingly well, but there still was stuff to do, so she asked me if i wanted to be her friends patient in her exam. I agreed.
Monday then the exams started. We made three appointments for this week, one on monday, one yesterday and the third should be on friday. I was really looking forward to the first one, convinced that all would go well, cause the students knew their stuff (like the first girl who treated me amazingly.)
But what should i say: It was a disaster. It was 3 1/2 hours of pain, the other student being so nervous and hysterical, that she made easily avoidable mistakes and i cried on my way home for an hour straight. My mouth angles are burnt by acid she misused, the local anesthesia, which she injected wrong 3 times has my whole mouth swollen up till today.
Tuesday i returned, because as i said i somehow felt commited to help the genuinely nice girl to pass her exam and not letting her down, but yesterday was just as bad. I told her about my mouth angles and asked her to be careful, told her where else i was in pain and just asked for a bit of consideration (she wanted to do the other side this time, so not working in the same area as the day before), but in the end her nervousness got the best of her and she got tense and bitchy and completely didn't care for how i felt at all anymore.
That was the second day i returned home crying, not able to eat or drink or speak, cause my tongue got burned, the other mouth angle looks the same and everything has swollen up in my mouth and still is right now.
Friday would be our last appointment and i just don't want to go. I never had anxiety about dentists, i already fell asleep on the chair more than once cause i'm usually so relaxed, but right now the pure thought is the horror to me. Everything still hurts and i don't think any off the pain will be gone by friday and sitting there for another 3 1/2 hours just seems like the last thing in the world i want to do.
I'm not sure if they would manage replacement for me (a friend of hers already cancelled his appointment for thursday and she was losing it, because she had to find someone else on time) if she couldnt find someone herself and I don't know how this would affect her in total - i feel miserable for letting her down.
So now im stuck between my own well-being and withstanding one last 210 minute long torture to not feel bad about disappointing her. If I want to be fair I should cancel that appointment today, so she has as much time as possible to find a replacement, but im still struggling for what to do.
So WIBTA for cancelling the appointment?
(I'm very sorry for my bad english. Not my first language and don't speak english that much, so got kind of rusty.) | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
lo7z8jsx8P4Gx9Llsvqc39W42ztUSbFP | axtfzu | {
"description": "leaving a bad review on AirBnb",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving a bad review on AirBnb? | Recently my mom was on a trip with her sister, and I arranged for her to stay at an apartment I found on AirBnB. My mother initially told me they would leave the apartment at 10:00 am, so that's what I told the host. Apparently though, they asked the day they arrived if they could leave at 11:00 am instead, and they were told yes.
On the day they were supposed to leave someone was at the door at 10:00am, asking them to leave because they needed to clean for the next guest. This much I understand, since there was probably some miscommunication between whoever welcomed them and the host I spoke to online, and I was never made aware that they were planning to stay until 11:00am. They were given 20 minutes to leave, and, as they were leaving, my aunt told the person there that it was rude that they were kicking them out when they had agreed to leave at 11:00 when they arrived.
After they left, my mom got a message from the owner's wife saying basically "you are so rude don't you dare give us a bad review because we will give your son a worse one", which I think is really uncalled for. So I left a three star review, and wrote pretty much what I wrote here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
U9sfpBj1RG0sUwTw4GrLIOawUE5URgre | 9x7fml | {
"description": "not picking up my coworkers shift",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not picking up my coworkers shift? | So let me preface by saying most of coworkers are really shitty workers, they half ass everything and leave extra work for the people who do their job as it's expected. They also call off constantly, I probably get 1-3 last minute calls a week asking if I can come in for so and so's shift. I pretty much always say no, because I already work full time and cherish my time off, so I don't want to work someone else's shift. However when I got the call tonight, it was for a legitimate reason, one of my coworkers friends had killed themselves. I still said no, mainly because i doubled yesterday and tomorrow, so the last thing I wanted to do is come in to work the day inbetween 2 doubles (12 hour shifts)
Does saying no make me an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
m1ZRypmgLkosDTxh1CNqIDuFEXXnY4WQ | as97ii | {
"description": "wanting to take 3 days vacation to spend with friends",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to take 3 days vacation to spend with friends? | Okay so backstory - I've been together with my girlfriend for 2 years and it's a bit difficult for us to match our vacations together. Last year we managed to squeeze 2 weeks together (out of 4). However, this year I managed to book 3 weeks (15 working days) on the dates that she was able to get vacations (In other words, I didn't decide when to have vacations, her work decided my vacation) and we are planning to go two weeks abroad and stay one week inside the country.
​
So this leaves me with one more week of vacation to take out (plus a few extra days that I get over the year for working overtime and such). And 4 of my friends decided to go abroad for 5 days (Wednesday - Sunday) which would mean that I have to take 3 days of vacation (which would be no problem for me since I still have several days of vacation to use). And my GF would be working this weekend so it wouldn't really affect her much.
But when I told her about this, she freaked out saying "You never got out of \*country\* with me because my vacations don't match yours, and this years you decide to go to fucking \*abroad country\* with your stupid little friends. Its not fucking fair and I hate you for that". Even tho I had the weekend before this "friends vacation" booked with her at a spa hotel (which would not intervene)
Followed with a text saying how she gives me all her free time and that she does her life around me, but I never asked for all her free time, I even encourage her to go meet her friends more often since she basically never meets her friends and some has even slightly drifted away since she tries to spend all her time with me. Which is also a problem for me because I value my free/alone time.
​
Anyways, so I decided to not book the tickets with my friends because I didn't have energy for more drama (ironically here I am) but I was still disappointed with her controlling, so just a few days before the trip (when my friends had already booked) my GF all of a sudden says its okay for me to. First of all the price of the tickets were up, my friends had already booked both flight and hotel, and it was basically minimal chance for my to be able to get days off from work on that short notice.
​
So now (a few weeks after) we are still having this argument because she still insists that she was right and that I don't care about her because I wanted to go to "stupid \*country\*" instead of spending every single day of my vacation on her. Now she wants to cancel the vacations we had planned together because quite her: "you don't want to be with me anyways, you can go with your friends, I don't care".
Also she told me a few days ago that she is going to approve that I hang out with friends on Fridays, but only if she is working (since she works in shifts).
​
Am I the asshole?
​
TL:DR - Am I the asshole for wanting to book 3 vacation days with my friends? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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} | RIGHT |
jSMPBqWZWrfbZHAElaDUf5AnpgUsS3p4 | b6o5l7 | {
"description": "being slightly mad at a caregiver",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being slightly mad at a caregiver? | This will probably be a long one, but here it is:
We have a caregiver living with us since last year. She used to be really nice, then she took a vacation and seems like a totally different person since she came back.
Our agreement was that she would take care of an elder family member and have the weekends off, but she would still live here. We also agreed she would do part of the house chores. I pay her well(i think). She works from 9am\~10amish to about 13h\~14h. Not too many hours. After that I take over, and she spends her afternoons and evenings how she want to(and decided to work somewhere else to get more money, which I didn't oppose to).
Recently she's been slacking off on house chores, but I didn't really mind. I kinda did but I'm mostly a very forgiving person.
Problem is: she doesn't buy her own stuff. Eats all of mine. Every month I do a nice grocery shopping so that she and my grandma have good food to eat, and I buy a whole lot of stuff.
Yet, she still eats everything that i buy for myself. for example:
Made dinner the other day. Saved leftovers for me to eat on the next day. Woke up to no leftovers at all.
This happened a few times.
Yesterday I ordered pizza and saved a few slices for me and my grandma(and even her, if she wanted to). There were 3 slices. She basically ate all of them, and didn't offered none for my grandma.
​
Another stuff that's bothering me are the toiletries. Her room is full of her own stuff, yet she still uses most of mine. Soap, shampoo, even a shaving cream I bought for me, she asked to borrow it and just took it for her.
Even laundry soap: bought a full pack on sunday. about 1,5kg.
I was gonna do my laundry yesterday and there was. no. soap. at all.
And it's not like she did a whole bunch of laundry too. She did hers, only. and the laundry soap just poof'd.
​
I'm ok with sharing. I really am.I buy stuff for all of us to use, but i just wonder how can someone use 1,5kg of laundry soap in about 2\~3 days.
​
Also, we really don't have that many money. I'm almost going on debt to pay her + pay the house bills and there's barely enough money for me to eat. I've been skipping meals like crazy. My grandma and her confort is my main priority.
​
am i being a bitch?
is she being a bitch?
what should i do?
​
I really hate conflicts and I like her(she's not a bad person, i think), so I feel kinda bad that it has come to this(me writing a reddit post trying to understand sides).
Wish I could find a way to be more assertive and make her understand my side without flipping out(she tends to freak out when things don't go her way, and can be very rude sometimes).
​
​
TLDR: caregiver works about 4h a day, 5 days a week. Lives with us, uses most of my stuff, and hides a part of it in her room. don't wanna fire her bc i kinda like her, but i don't wanna be taken advantage of. | HISTORICAL | {
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"NOBODY": 4,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BhtucN45X9fc55BUAN8s4JJKjI8UIUvp | b9ie8m | {
"description": "insisting that my boyfriend pay me back even though he's sick",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for insisting that my boyfriend pay me back even though he’s sick? | I lent my boyfriend $200 a couple months ago, and he was supposed to pay me back a couple of weeks ago. He said that he had a check coming in and it would get done (it didn’t) and then yesterday he said he tried to Western Union it but it got fucked up and he’d try again this morning. We are in a LDR by the way.
He notoriously has bad luck/is shit at paying me back, and I really need the money to pay my rent (which I technically already paid but if he doesn’t pay me back ASAP then my check will bounce and I will incur late fees which I have no means to pay).
I have expressed to him multiple times that I feel like he takes my kindness for granted and does not respect me enough to prioritize paying me back in a timely manner. I have tried really hard to stay calm and patient, but I tend to have a short fuse and I am reaching my breaking point. I would rather not blow up on him as I normally would, but being meek and understanding is getting tiring. It’s always something with him.
This time it’s not only that the transfer fucked up but he also says he’s not feeling well. He was diagnosed with (stage 1 or 2, I forget) colon cancer some months ago and has told me he isn’t feeing well lately and just sleeps for most of the day. I called him this morning to remind him to resend the money as he promised he’d get it done today and he seemed upset as if I was being insensitive to how tired/sick he’s been feeling. Here’s the thing: I get it. I feel bad that he doesn’t feel well and that he’s sick, but I need to pay my rent and he promised to solve the issue today. Not only that but he promised to pay me back nearly a month ago, at what point am I allowed to be upset? I’m not asking him to run laps for me. He can send someone else to get it done for all I care! All I’m asking is that it gets *done* and he shows some type of understanding to the urgency of this situation.
Anyways AITA?
tldr; my boyfriend owes me $200. he has cancer and told me that he hasn’t been feeling well lately but i’m insisting he pay me back urgently as i need the money to pay my rent | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 11,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
dgAyuf1LBHQORjWhzkpf7mOcC7zcqrzB | anqbeb | {
"description": "wanting my hair fixed, for free, by the hairdresser",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA because I want my hair fixed, for free, by the hairdresser? | [What I showed her](http://imgur.com/KmuiLRL)
[What I got](http://imgur.com/gEiWAi4)
I asked my stylist to do a light brown rose gold, and emphasized that I wanted it a light brown, warm color.
I showed her the picture more than a week in advance of the appointment so she had time to get any colors she didn’t have.
I told her multiple times I wanted a light brown. I know you can’t perfectly match the picture, but I think I made it obvious I wanted more brown than red in my hair. I would have been fine without the rose tint. My hair was bleach blonde to begin with.
She’s going to try to fix it but I don’t think I should have to pay, this is clearly not what I asked for. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 33,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 46,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
mEcDUsH6LF32Sv4Yk369f6jmyDRUmy4f | aazfj3 | {
"description": "telling my dad I only have an hour of time to work on his logo for his organization",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my dad I only have an hour of time to work on his logo for his organization? | I'm 17yo and my dad recently started his own judo club. Yesterday, told me he had to get a logo to represent them. Since he doesn't want to pay a graphic designer (we aren't poor, money really isn't an issue for us), he asked me to do it for him. I do know some basic image editing, but I can't compose or design for shit. Mainly I do programming in my spare time and suffer from social anxiety, so during holidays I spend most of my time in my room working on a project with a colleague who's overseas. My dad isn't really aware much of what I do on the computer, I'm extremely introverted and anxious about talking to people about my works so I prefer to keep them to myself.
He has severe anger management issues, and he easily gets angry for any minor thing or mistake that arises. For example, if my mom would forget to put a bottle of wine from the fridge on the table, he starts yelling and demanding it. I didn't really want to turn my dad down because I feared he would get mad at me for not making it for him, even though I am not nearly up to the task he wants me to do. I'm pretty busy and didn't want to spend hours making a bad logo that very likely wouldn't end up being used, so I asked him if it is particularly urgent for the logo to be finished. He told me it wasn't and there was lots of time to work on it until it's finished.
So I spent an hour working on it with him, made something basic that looks really cringy and ugly, and then told him I had to go work on my project with my colleague who's overseas, because we had agreed to meet up at that time (we rarely get more than 2 hours daily to meet up on Discord and sync our work). He said he was fine with it and I went on with my day.
Today, as soon as I woke up he asked me when I have time to work on the logo again. I told him I'd have some later tonight when he's back home, and he was fine with it but angrily added that he doesn't want me leaving again after just an hour because it's too little time to get anything done. I told him there wasn't any rush and I'm not sure when I'll meet with my colleague again so I can't guarantee that. He told me that we should get it done ASAP because he needs it for a public contest for renting space for training sessions and didn't say much more, we both went on our ways.
I was down to get back into messing around with the logo, and as we started working on it I mentioned I had to meet my colleague in an hour because we can't meet up a lot and we're working on a large project. At this point he bursted in anger and started yelling at me, saying that an hour is too little to focus on making it properly. He started blaming me that every minute less I spend at my computer is a huge bother to me and that I don't have any love or empathy for him. He told me all I care about is that "box" and I don't have a life at all, even calling me a "waste" and "washed up person". He then complained about being unable to reach me because again I'm always at the computer and he has to call me multiple times to do it for him. He then told me there's no point in working on it now because he's so shaken and disturbed and just locked himself up in his and mom's bedroom. I could hear them arguing and yelling about it for an entire hour before he finally burst out yelling and just cut the cord on the router, leaving the house without network access.
I honestly feel like shit because of all the things he called me and said about me, but I think his reaction was extremely overexaggerated. I feel like I could have avoided all of this bull by just telling him straight up I wasn't up to the task and he should pay someone else to do it. What do I even do from here? Right now he's watching movies on the TV downstairs with my brother and mom and I've locked myself in the bedroom because I'm seriously scared of his presence. I'm typing this up on my phone right now as I have access to 4G.
tl;dr Dad wants me to design a logo which I'm not capable of doing. Yells at me and calls me useless and a waste because I oblige to do it but with limited time on my hands. Then cuts off the network in anger. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
J6GEJ3z58cUYNxmS8KnqWIn9WdeELGa6 | aa0drb | {
"description": "getting mad at my mother-in-law and making the family visit awkward",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for getting mad at my mother-in-law and making the family visit awkward? | My mother-in-law was baiting my four year old daughter into saying things she didn't want her to say and then threatening to go home when my daughter gave her the answer she knew she would get to the question. That's the TL:DR version.
The longer version is that my niece is going through a biting stage right now and bit my daughter last weekend when they were at my house. They came back for Christmas, and now my daughter remembers that her little cousin bit her and doesn't want to play with her. My wife and I are working with her to get over it and explaining that she's been bitten before and that her cousin didn't mean anything by it, she's just going through a phase and learning that it isn't ok. Understandably, in my opinion, my daughter isn't understanding that yet. Afterall, she's only four. This morning, my mother-in-law asked if she wanted to play with her cousin today, and she said no. As she's said every other day that she's been here since she got bitten. My mother-in-law then said she was going to go home if my daughter couldn't be nice. I got upset by that, but knowing that my wife was on the way home, I just told her about it and decided to let her take care of it when she got here. Then a few minutes later she asked why my daughter wasn't happy. I told her it was probably something to do with the fact that you told her you were going home for, in the four year old's mind, no reason. Then a few minutes later she is asking her more questions about why she doesn't want to play with her cousin and my daughter keeps telling her it's because she doesn't want her to bite her again. My mother-in-law keeps asking like she hopes the answer is going to change and I can tell my daughter is getting frustrated, so I snapped and told her in a not so nice tone of voice that it was because her cousin bit her and she doesn't want it to happen again. Now everybody, including my wife, is pissed at me, and I'm hanging out in the basement doing house work instead of spending time with my family. My wife is upset because she thinks I'm intentionally upsetting her family every time they come over because her sister got upset with me a few weeks ago and said I yelled at her when I answered the same question for the fifth time in a row.
I told my wife I would apologize, but honestly don't feel like I did anything wrong. So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
AjNyhY0q09JdzUa0OE8yakmaQEaOlAom | b7ilso | {
"description": "not doing school work during Spring Break",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not doing school work during Spring Break? | Throwaway account.
I am in college and one of the things I've learned in school is that I need to take breaks when I can. This year I booked a trip for spring break that would keep me away from any areas with reliable cell or internet service. I made sure to book it so I didn't miss any classes. I would leave for my spring break trip after my last class on Thursday and would return a week later on Friday, giving me a weekend to do work for my classes.
For one class that meets weekly on Thursdays, groups of students are in charge of setting the readings and leading discussion for one class session. I was originally assigned to do this on the second week after spring break. However, during the week before spring break, our professor emailed my group, asking us to change our assigned week leading discussion to the first week after spring break. I said I was not ok with this change UNLESS everyone in the group was ok with me not doing any work until the weekend before spring break because I had previously arranged travel and would not be able to do any work during my travels. Classmates and professor said that was fine, so we were now in charge of leading discussion on the first week back from spring break.
Before I left on my trip, I reminded my classmates and professor that I would be traveling and not be able to do any work until one week later. No response. Great! I set an automated away message for my email and off I went. I spent a week enjoying myself and returned feeling refreshed. I looked forward to spending the weekend doing work for my classes after time for myself.
I returned to find that the professor had emailed our group the day after I left on my trip, demanding that we prepare our list of readings and complete our presentation during spring break. There were numerous email threads from groupmates and the professor about readings, course logistics, etc., and emails from classmates and the professor about why I was not responding or communicating. I also received a separate email from the professor, saying I was unprofessional for not responding to emails during my trip. This surprised me because A) I had warned everyone about my travel and everyone was ok with me being away, and B) my automated away message served as a reminder that I was traveling and out of range.
I don't know my status with the group. They did all the work while I was traveling, knowing full well I was not able to contribute. The professor's email still bothers me. AITA for not doing any work during spring break? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
R3I9Op7590mtRpfUGnrXM7gVa6tiUAfi | ai2qwd | {
"description": "calling a local business out for unfollowing me on Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for calling a local business out for unfollowing me on Instagram | This is every bit as petty as it sounds but I really want your opinion on it. This past summer a local beauty company opened in town. Everything they sold was rather pricey but since they boasted about the exceptional quality (I believe it's all organic) and I wanted to support small business I would often visit and spend around $50 at a time. I've been keeping up with the company on instagram and they followed me back as well. After recently stopping in and speaking with the owner (who is literally the face of the business; runs all of her own social media, is the only employee etc.) we chatted and she excitedly told me that they planned on expanding. I decided to post a picture of my purchases to my instagram story and tag their account to hopefully bring them some more business. I was shocked that night to see that the company page unfollowed me. I know it's something small but I was pretty upset since she was always so friendly with me and it honestly makes me feel like I somehow did something wrong? I don't plan on going back now since I almost feel unwelcome. If I message the company and said something along the lines of "Hi there, for future reference it's poor business practice to unfollow loyal customers when trying to expand a new business venture." would I be the asshole? I know this isn't terribly important it's just something that's been on my mind and I'm genuinely conflicted on sending the message.
​
Info: My account is private so there's no way it was an accident. After hitting the unfollow butting she would've had to confirm that was what she wanted to do. Additionally her "instagram ratio" is pretty poor; meaning that she follows a ton more people that follow her. If she has massively unfollowed loads of people to make the business appear more popular I would've slightly\*\*\* understood. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
m9etjKjIwLzunSJjOx7NME7LhocFReqt | b2kmd6 | {
"description": "not taking one of my player's complaints about being uncomfortable seriously",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not taking one of my player's complaints about being uncomfortable seriously? | I DM for a group of 5 people: Will, Lorraine, Ben, Issac and Holly. I met the latter three at uni, while Will and Lorraine (a couple) are friends of a friend. I'm not am experienced DM but I really like this group as there's always a fun atmosphere around the table. As an additional advantage, the group doesn't have anyone that's a creep which is a real luxury. A while ago we were watching a bunch of YouTubers playing some D&D who were dressed up as their characters. I can't remember who suggested it but somehow the idea that we should do the same got floated around and as it sounded like fun, so everyone agreed. Next session everyone had their costumes ready and everyone looked great considering that we didn't have much time/budget. The session went really well. All of the group seemed to be acting in character way more than usual and as we wrapped up I chalked it down as a really great night and got a lot of great feedback from people there.
A few days later though, Holly messaged me privately outside of the group chat, saying how the costumes Lorraine and Will were wearing had made her feel uncomfortable and that she didn't think they were appropriate, that they were unnecessarily showing off and made the rest of us look inadequate, even if it was unintentional. She also asked me to ask them to wear more next session. Now, I wouldn't say anyone at the table was unattractive or overweight, but Will and Lorraine are both highly physically active people and have the bodies to match, and their costumes didn't cover a lot.
Will's character is a monk, and his costume was basically Dhalsim off Street Fighter: shirtless and with warpaint covering his chest and face. Lorraine meanwhile plays a sorcerer and was wearing a woven bikini top, harem pants and African style body paint (apparently you can't get elf ears for black people). As a DM/DND player in general, I like to think I have a really low tolerance for creeps and the usual shittyness that can come with a hobby mostly populated by nerdy guys and take every complaint I get about someone's behaviour seriously, but I'm not sure I can with this. Like if they'd showed up wearing, say bondage gear I might've had a word but they made sense for them as characters, they weren't showing any more skin than you'd see at the beach, and the outfits themselves wouldn't be out of place at a music festival and the designs were inventive.
Everyone else sent messages saying how much they enjoyed the last session and the effort people went to for their outfits so it just seems like a shame to stop doing it because one of us is made uncomfortable by a bit of skin (as far as I know, Holly hasn't mentioned it to Will or Lorraine). So yeah, am I an arsehole for not taking this seriously? Like I get having body issues, but I'm not sure being intimidated by physically fit people and being uncomfortable around them is a good way to go in life and the session we had in-costume was one of the best we've ever had.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
voKx2xtFmwDnpabakrmA3KuxHzex6bf4 | auqrec | {
"description": "lying about liking somebody in a relationship when explicitly asked",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA: Lying about liking somebody in a relationship when explicitly asked? | So I’m bi and male and have recently become really close friends with another bi guy who’s in a relationship with a girl. Their relationship has been rather rocky lately and she is insecure about he and I being friends. He came over to my apartment to hang out the other night (completely platonic) and she got upset and worried that I’d “fall in love with him.” He ended up spending the night (nothing happened) and she told him “don’t kiss anyone good night. Truth is I do like him, but completely respect their relationship and am pulling for them to work it out. Well, he specifically asked me if I like him and, knowing it could damage their already rocky relationship, I said no. I feel bad about lying but it was so he could tell her she had nothing to worry about. She doesn’t, I’m not going to make a move while they are dating, but I think he deserves better than she’s treating him and while I hope they work it out I also would not be upset if they broke up. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Omm3YHBXuuK9rDneuJpAtsr0Hef1j1Tq | a4bwzl | {
"description": "not telling my family I moved out",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not telling my family I moved out? | I signed a lease and got an apartment but I didn’t tell anyone. I just sort of left?
Now my sister is upset and telling me how I ruined Christmas how could I go behind her back without telling anyone. My dad is upset and my younger sister is crying because she thinks I abandoned everyone.
I didn’t leave the family, I’m 20 and I just wanted to get away from them | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 7
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
I25fDMVb7SYr1bm71FuRsskHS3oEWFDR | ayk5qr | null | AITA So I broke up with my GF though text and I don't know if I'm the asshole or not please read | Alright so I know that dumping though text is the worst thing to do but let me explain myself. I'm in 9th grade and just broke up with this girl, she put up multiple red flags and that ended up being the reasons I broke up with her. Those red flags were always and I mean ALWAYS saying I love you even though I told her to stop saying I love you because I wasn't ready to say it yet, She was actively talking to her ex and I told her to stop talking to him because he would hurt our relationship but she never did. I gave her many chances. She also saw every single friend that I had that was a girl as a potential threat and thought I would cheat on her so I had to make it very clear that me and them were just friends. After all of that she started liking her ex even though she was dating me, at that point I was so done I gave myself about a week to think and then I broke things off. Now I would do this in person but I knew that she was an avid user of snap chat and posts everything on there and i that point I started not trusting her because she broke promises multiple times so I do it though text because to everyone at my school they believe the first thing they hear so i needed some way to have a copy of the conversations, I cant record a private conversations as that is illegal so i do it though text, I also did it so that she couldn't lie and so that no one would turn against her because if she did lie and I proved her wrong people wouldn't like her at all. After she says she wont post anything but her dad forces her to post that she was just broken up to though text and that spiraled the situation out of control. But after that she started talking to our friend group and say that I like a girl I hung out with the day of the break up (we went to the mall for about 2 hours and it was to get clothes to go to Mexico because if we went together we could kill two birds with one stone. Also we were very close friends) and she also said that I was just keeping her as a trophy. As for why i would do that... I didn't. No one really likes her anyways so why would she be my trophy. I go on a rant of how she handled it poorly and so did her dad but I also said her dad was to blame because he is the one who made her post the snap chat. Now i do admit i didn't treat her very well in public but she was my first serious Girlfriend and I didn't know what to do, i ticked her and scared her and i whenever i hugged her I would be like ugh that's gay as a small joke. But behind closed doors i showed her all the affection she wanted, like cuddling and hugging her and all of that cutesy 9th grade stuff. Now some friends say that i was in the right but other people say I handled the situation poorly... I don't know what to think please give me your opinions, thank you. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
THKPq7OrqNF94DUDkIKUKJ1VozFqzEpu | avkfrt | {
"description": "telling my pastor that I don't want to be drowned in oil during prayer because of acne issues",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my pastor that I don't want to be drowned in oil during prayer because of acne issues? | So recently, I've started to get quite annoyed with my pastor. I've had this issue for awhile now but I decided last Sunday that I would let my pastor know about it. Just so you guys know, I'm actually an atheist but because of my family I am forced to attend a baptist church. They have this tradition they do every Sunday. Basically, everyone stands in a circle at the front of the church, linking hands. The pastor or his wife will then walk around, applying oil to everyone's forehead as a prayer is said. This is where I have a problem. I have very oily skin, and that's resulted in serious acne. I can't have people touching my face, and I constantly have to use acne products to combat it. The pastor just loves to smear large amounts of the oil in the form of a cross on my forehead, which is the most acne covered. It got so bad that I finally decided to tell him about it. I went right into his office that afternoon and explained to him my skin problems. I politely asked him if he would leave me out of the practice. He then proceeded to attempt to tear me down saying that I was disrespecting the tradition and by not wanting to be a part of it I was condoning the devil. He said that if God wanted me to have clear skin then I would have clear skin or something and I was pissed. I simply said: "Sorry, but I believe I have the right to refuse, God or not! "When God cures my acne then Ill join in, but right now my priority is my health" and walked out. I don't know if I actually disrespected him, but Id like to know if I was in the wrong :/
# Could I have handled it better? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ejNX0g4dlx15wXi7jeWEx44cp6tdAfGA | b3450h | {
"description": "letting one of my close friends (who has a girlfriend) get with girls while extremely intoxicated and not tell her",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for letting one of my close friends (who has a girlfriend) get with girls while extremely intoxicated and not tell her? | Okay, before the pitchforks come out, let me explain.
* on mobile please excuse poor formatting
We are both in college, and both in the same fraternity. His girlfriend is hundreds of miles away back home, and my friend (let’s call him Baker) is one of my best friends.
Out of everyone I have ever met in college, he receives the most attention from women when we’re out. He started pledging this semester and is a freshman so not a lot of people know who he is, and if he has a girlfriend.
Usually, when we have our parties, we all get extremely drunk. When he gets drunk, he’ll take his shirt off and dance and garners a lot of attention. Problem is, in about 3-4 instances, girls will give him a look and shoot one back. I’ve never seen him make the first move, but multiple girls have gone up to him and initiated contact. The first two times he was making out with them for a minute or so before he semi sobered up and got up and basically sprinted. But the last time was different. After he finished dancing, he sat on the couch to get a breather and a girl came over and sat on his lap and was going at it with her for about 10-15 minutes before I saw him and told the girl go beat it. In every instance, he’s been near blackout levels of drunk and doesn’t remember any of these interactions. I don’t even think he knows about the last time because I didn’t tell him.
His girlfriend is also pretty psycho. She’s cheated on all her past boyfriends, and still talks to her ex. Usually when Baker and I go out to fraternity events/social/night outs she’ll hang with him and post on her story so he knows. She’s extremely restricting and doesn’t like him going out.
So, am I the asshole for not telling her? I get that he shouldn’t be doing it, but he never initiates, is extremely drunk and usually will realize what he’s doing and never remembers in the morning.
If so, what is the best source of action to tell her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
QAfKSEcdQYdd8XAAMh1qp6FlYttcdC1u | adjekq | {
"description": "restraining a 13 year old from hitting me with his football any longer",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for restraining a 13 year old from hitting me with his football any longer? | So, I know the title sounds like a shitpost but I actually do feel bad. I’m a 15 year old male who is kinda overweight and fairly tall, 5’11. To reduce my weight, I have started cycling in my neighbourhood. I put on my headphones and start making laps around my neighbourhood. There are usually a bunch of kids out playing and I always stop until their game (usually football/soccer) pauses. There is a certain group of children who are around 13 years old who always annoy me to no end. Whenever I’m cycling and pass the area where they play, they will throw their football at me to hit me or wave their cricket bats in my face as if to threaten me. I had told them not to do this many times but they persisted. Once they started doing this a lot I stopped responding or paying attention to them. This just made them do this more. I try very hard to avoid conflict and so I used still didn’t pay attention to them.
Now the day of this incident, I was cycling as I usually would and I payed no attention to them. My girlfriend had recently dumped me and my mood had not been the best, to say the least. I know I’m still pretty young but it really hurt. I was in no mood to deal with these kids but I still started to do my daily 10 km. These kids pestered me again and again to the point where I was boiling with anger. As soon as one of the kids hit me with his football again, I got off my cycle and stomped over to him. He started to raise his football to hit me once more but I knocked it out of his hands and restrained his hand by grabbing by his wrist. I shouted in his to not hit me with his football ever again or else I would myself get violent. Once I stopped shouting he teared up and I let him go. He ran away to his house and all of his friends were standing around shocked. I got back on my cycle and after finishing my 10 km, I went home.
Now comes the ‘am I the asshole part’. Once I got home, I started prospecting about what had occured. I started to feel bad because one: I had made a 13 year old cry. Two: I had fairly violently grasped his wrist. Three: I may have ruined his reputation in his friend group and fourth: I had voided my own ethics and code of conduct. Being very conflicted about what to feel like, I now turn to you, the users of Reddit and subscribers of this subreddit and I ask you: AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
WdMCTcsHM77Ms1wPKHfOG48psitkUXta | aog7tb | {
"description": "cutting off a \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting off a "friend"? | I'm using a throwaway just in case the person in question has one as well, but I'm highly doubtful. Better safe than sorry.
Also, apologies for the length. I want to add as much detail as possible for anyone reading. I've lurked on here before slightly, but I'm not sure if this is considered AMIA worthy. Apologies x2 if it's not.
This happened awhile ago, but I still think of it time to time and wonder if I acted like an ass at any part of this whole ordeal that ultimately disbanded the friend group.
Junior year of high school, I opted out of continuing to attend the "normal" high school in my town, it was too much to handle mentally and caused me great anxiety, so I was switched over to the intermediate school that consisted of about 200 people altogether, so people knew each other even if we didn't want to.
The first few months were quiet for me. I'm a pretty closed off person and keep to myself most of the time. Luckily though, I knew a handful of people from Junior High that I could talk with, and two of them went from acquaintances to close friends quickly. We'll call them Becky and Derek. Becky, Derek and I would spend time together all the time, so its no wonder why we became so close so fast. I didn't have any other friends besides them, really. Fast forward a couple weeks, and Becky introduces Derek and I to this new girl [We'll call her Tabby] who just moved across the state and didn't have any friends. We took her into the friend group and she fit right in immediately. She has similar interests and personality to I. I stayed closest to Becky because we were very comfortable with one another. Things were going really well for us all and we all hung out at Becky's almost every single day. We'd have parties, hang out in the hot tub, watch anime together and bump music, just teenage things.
Well, eventually we all finally go over to Tabby's house, and we're all [silently] blown away by the catastrophe that Tabby and her mother lived in. They were straight up hoarders [boxes and clutter scattered everywhere leaving only a small trail to walk through. Flies everywhere to the point that clouds of gnats lingered in the hallway. Couldn't even sit in the living room. You get it]. We're obviously all taken aback, and Becky very kindly offers that we all have a day to take the time and clean the apartment together. Tabby is embarrassed but agrees, and I think it's sweet of Becky to offer to take this on because Tabby is obviously not in a very good place and neither is her mother. So, we set a date for this to happen after school.
Well, on the day that we were supposed to go in and do it, I go to school and Becky and Tabby aren't there but Derek is. I asked him what was going on, and he said that Tabby and Becky had skipped school to do the cleaning. I didn't mind, they could get a lot done before we got there. After school I drive Derek and I over, and Becky is gone and some clutter is disposed of. Tabby said Becky was tired from the cleaning so she had left. We helped her clean some more before plopping on her bed and smoking some weed and relaxing. I took Derek home and went home as well. All is fine.
Fast forward a little more, and I'm still closest to Becky out of everyone, I'm just comfortable with her and can be myself and she can do the same. We all hang out all the time at Becky's as normal, and she confides in us that she's never had such close friends, or a best friend for that matter. It was an emotional night as we all let go of our emotions and told each other a lot of things. The group gets all the more closer.
Soon, Becky starts talking about an anime convention she really wants to go to but doesn't wanna go to alone [aka, with just her mom]. I offer to go and so does Tabby. We start planning what we need to save in order to go and how it'll be a tight budget but we think we can do it if we stay at a cheap motel for the weekend. Becky jumps in and says that she'll get the VIP tickets for the con and we can stay with her and her mom for the weekend at some high class hotel that is like 100+ a night, and all we have to do is pay her back for the tickets! Hell yeah!
Becky ends up leaving early that morning to get to the hotel for check in which leaves Tabby and I to make the commute after school. Now, Tabby and I are good friends, but we've never had 1 on 1 time at this point. The car ride is long and awkward. So awkward that we listened to classical music for a good 30 minutes without touching the radio until I cracked a joke about how awkward we were being. This broke the ice and was the start of our super close friendship. We get to the hotel and put our stuff away before leaving the hotel with Becky and heading to the center for the con.
This is when things start to make us turn our eye on Becky. She claims front seat [no big deal] and we arrive and park. Suddenly, this trip that was supposed to be about all of us having fun turns into everything Becky wants to do. We follow her around like dogs the whole day, only getting to choose the panels we want to go to between the ones she has "scheduled for us". I brush it off as her excitement to be there with friends. Until, me and Tabby run out of money. Now, we have no funds to really do anything by the third day, which is the one that she conveniently decided would be the day she spent most of her time in the artist alley. The whole time shes making snide remarks about how "at least she had money" [her mothers money. They're rich.] and "it must suck to be broke". She also yells at us for not knowing how to put HER cosplay on HER since she was dead set on being someone from AoT. I tell her its "not my fucking problem" and she can "stop acting like a cunt".
She rubbing both me and Tabby the wrong way, so instead of being her side kicks we go and sit next to a trash bin instead until she's done spending all her moms money and running around to meet people SHE wanted to meet.
Con ends. We go home. She also has a mother effing cow and kicks my seat the whole ride home since she decided to travel back with us and was not happy that I got the front seat. I told her to stop being an idiot or I'd pop her in the mouth [out of frustration]. Suddenly, Tabby and I are growing closer. Becky doesn't like this, I presume, so she begins making rude remarks about Tabby when shes not around. About her gross house and her "annoying" personality. Derek and I don't approve and we tell her when she does this that shes being a brat. At one point I'm beside Becky at her locker when she opens it and some water bottles fall out. She rolls her eyes and decides its appropriate to say "at least it's not as bad as Tabby's house". I can't help myself and say "You're being a real bitch, Becky." and I walked away.
I try to see past this side of Becky, she has to feel some level of threatened by Tabby and I's friendship, right? She has no problem with Derek and Tabby being close friends.
Well, Derek and I are hanging out with Becky and she makes a remark along the lines of [I'm paraphrasing] "I'm worried about Tabby's health but don't know how to tell her. I'm going to get just dance and invite her over to play for at least an hour a day". So, basically, a ploy to get Tabby to work out and lose weight without directly voicing her concerns of Tabby's health. I also do not understand why she's being so slimy, Tabby and I are around the same size, I'm just a little smaller but still chubby. What's the issue with Tabby and not me?
Fast forward, Derek and I are talking about this with a casual friend, Lacey. Lacey listens the whole time and cant believe how grimy Becky was being for no reason. She also casually brings up the fact that Becky SENT HER PHOTOS OF TABBYS HOUSE the day Becky went to clean and was ragging on her behind her back. Derek and I are astounded and angry.
Derek and I go to Tabby's together and sit her down and have a heart to heart about whatever the hell is going on and whatever is going on in Becky's head. Tabby is rightfully incredibly upset and can't believe her friend did this to her and was being so mean behind her back. Derek and Tabby are immediately against Becky, and I'm trying to mediate the situation so it doesn't blow up while Tabby is upset.
Eventually, I text Becky about everything and tell her its unacceptable and Tabby needed a break away from her after all of this. Becky breaks down. This break down follows into the weekend of that week. Tabby, Derek and I are hanging out smoking and watching Netflix, and tabby doesn't want Becky around. Well, Becky and Lacey are hanging out, and Lacey calls Derek to say that Becky is having a break down and we all need to drive to Becky's house and talk in person because the silence is getting to her from Tabby and Derek. I will say I was probably the only one who was even mildly texting Becky while the other two went ghost. I thought she was being mean, but it wasn't fair for her to lose her three closest friends in one swift strike.
Anyway, we get in the car and it's dead silent. Tabby is in the front driving and seething. I could tell by her chain smoking and the look on her face. She can't believe that *she* has to be the bigger person and go talk to Becky about all this shit now that Becky was outted. We pull up to her house and Becky is curled up outside her front door, sobbing and won't look at any of us as we walk up. It felt like some teenage soap opera. We stand in front of her, a couple feet away. Becky is blubbering and apologizing, and Becky is simply saying "I will not talk to you if you're going to be like this. We should talk like adults." This doesn't calm Becky down, and Lacey is just sitting next to her on her phone. This goes on for like, ten minutes, just this back and forth of incoherent words and Tabby telling Becky she needs to c | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FqhAjb4PZTGwqNRRXWmXkWehYDU1cbAJ | aqqumm | {
"description": "calling the police on a suicidal friend",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling the police on a suicidal friend? | Okay so this a throwaway account because this is not a fun thing to talk about.
So a little back story, I have this friend that I've known for about 5 years. And in all the time I've known them, they have been extremely depressed and suicidal. They have made several attempts to end it and I have been the one to talk to them down about 3 times. I care deeply for them and would never want them to hurt themselves. But lately the stress from it all has gotten to be too much. I have depression myself and sometimes suffer from suicidal thoughts. I've never attempted but I have thought about it. This friend knows I also suffer from depression and comes to me often because they know I would understand the things they are feeling better than most. Anyway this brings us to the incident I mentioned in the title. Last night they called me telling me that they couldn't go on any longer and they were gonna finally end it. I tried to talk to them for about an hour to hopefully distract them or something. But after awhile my anxiety was getting to be too much for me to handle and I had to tell them that they needed to seek professional help and that I couldn't do this anymore. They obviously were upset and got very angry at me. They told me that because I was abandoning them that they were gonna do it right now. As soon as they said that, I immediately hung up and called the police. Told them what was happening and where the friend was. Thankfully the police and EMTs arrived in time and were able to save the friend. They have been in the hospital since then and will probably be there for awhile. I'm not allowed to see them, as they don't allow visitors at this hospital. I can't help but feel I'm to blame for this. They trusted me and I couldn't help them. Am I the asshole for abandoning them in their time of need and calling the police? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PsMnIcxq4lmnNIHIDjc815UdIJ9Zlayw | axkd86 | {
"description": "being mad at my parents for putting my sister over me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being mad at my parents for putting my sister over me. | Let me explain, my mother and father are divorced and I live with my mother as well as my sister. My mother is a single working mother and she regularly travels outside of the country because she is invited to company trips where she does nothing but have fun. My sister is a spoiled girl, she never interacts properly with anyone, she tried to meet up with random strangers before, and she has bad grades. I am not so good in school myself but I consistently get better grades than her. But my mother always picks her to go on trips even though i put in way more effort. My grandmother recently came to take care of me because my mother took my sister on another trip again and my grandma is her to take care of me (I am 14). And I just had an argument with her and she expects me to respect my mother and have neutral feelings towards her even though she obviously puts my sister above me (e.g lets her sleep later than me for no apparent reason, scolds me for making the same mistakes as my sister but never scolding her when she does it, is more lenient to her even though she is constantly rude, buys her a rolex for no reason other than that she wants it but won't even but a wifi adapter for my pc so I can move my desktop to my room). I didn't complain before because I know about the tense situation from my mom and dad but I feel very discriminated against and I need to rant. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
NNE8fHXbuRd9qeltUIfpffTXZXkcayuL | amvclw | {
"description": "bumping into a car that has rolled to a stop in the crosswalk",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA (as a pedestrian) for bumping into a car that has rolled to a stop in the crosswalk? | Look, I get that threre are some cities where you might be killed for touching someone’s car, people are assholes in general, and I know that a ped can easily walk around the car (in front or behind).
I don’t think the drivers of cars are (or should be) allowed to do so.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
EZlLtGVx5htUPyyO2EKXPKHYHDdJYhk8 | a782sq | {
"description": "wanting locks on my doors",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting locks on my doors? | Hi all, so to start off here is some background information. I am 16 years old and living with my parents. One of my doors has no lock, and the other has a lock that doesn’t work, for reasons I will get into shortly. Whenever I am doing anything, my parents burst in without knocking. This is normally fine, but my dad doesn’t know when to stop. If I am changing he still opens the door and I have to yell at him before he leaves, and he once tried to have a conversation with me while I was naked. I used to lock my door, but it frustrated him so much that he tried to throw my door open, and eventually the wood split off. I asked my dad about this and asked them if I could get locks, but he started yelling about how I am being too private and we shouldn’t have locks. So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Roct8reI5k7Y4CndhXfkJ6gMJvD0jKHp | a4qp32 | {
"description": "wanting to know about my pregnant sister",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to know about my pregnant sister? | My sister was due a few days ago. She is older than me by 3 years and we have never been very close. She basically has estranged herself from our parents and myself for the most part for years now.
We have been keeping in touch with her ofc and have been asking how she has been and if she needs anything. I have even taken off a bunch of days from work for around the time the baby is due.
She is been very vague on everything. If we ask about her last doctor visit or how she is doing, anything at all and she ignores us. She even told my dad to tell me to not bother her. She is grateful for my taking time off but she doesn’t want me to see her or contact her as well as the rest of the family.
Are we wrong for wanting to be close with her and know how she is doing?
She has not been taking calls from any of the family for a couple weeks and rarely ever replies to texts. If she does it’ll only be a few worlds to to say to leave her alone. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nuKrCxyCdv75c0IMT23Tv0f2ExolKXFY | a3vodh | {
"description": "not wanting to match with trans peeps on my dating app",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not wanting to match with trans peeps on my dating app? | I recently rejoined the dating app world, and things have definitely changed. I consider myself a true-blue lefty and have always supported the LGBT community (one of my nephews is trans).
That being said. I’m straight and interested in dating people of the opposite sex. I also want a 1-on1, monogamous relationship. I noticed the app was including couples looking to swing, people identifying themselves as polyamorous, pan-sexual, saipo-sexual, bi, etc. I checked my settings, and nothing seemed amiss. Then twice in 24 hrs I received two matches that were clearly Male-to-Female trans individuals. I contacted the dating site, and in addition to telling me to check my settings, they added this comment:
“Please keep in mind that we have expanded gender options. OkCupid is an inclusive environment where transgender and nonbinary people may express themselves however they’d like. Some people may not conform to how you personally view the gender(s) you’re searching for.”
I’m sorry, but I think that’s bullshit. I can filter by race, religion, height, body shape, etc - but not gender? It’s ok for someone to decide they don’t want to be matched with someone black, or republican, or under six feet (all choices that could be “controversial “), but there’s no way to filter for trans. I get it. They’re saying people are allowed to identify however they want - but I feel like there’s a bigger issue not being addressed - your right to be attracted to who you are attracted to. I’m not interested in dating a trans person and that’s ok. I’m fat. There’s plenty of people turned off by that, and that’s ok. But I feel like this is some PC bullying bullshit.
And what a waste of time! I guess I could post a doctored photo that makes me look svelte, but nobody would be fooled once they saw me in person. And being vague about gender is both a shitty thing to do and can be dangerous (plenty of male-to-female people have been victims of violence because of this).
It also seems like a poor business decision. If a dating app becomes so inclusive that there are no filters, you lose functionality. Imagine not being able to choose gender at all? Or age (don’t want to be ageist!). Eventually your just in a huge pool of people. Then what’s the point?
So? Am I the asshole for just wanting my matches to be the gender I prefer? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
vqfnFaoNzQzpZuQ2mn7tscaE0NRAFHi3 | b69juq | {
"description": "wanting to go to a Concert Wthout my husband",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Wanting To Go To A Concert Wthout My Husband? | Back story, meet my husband whom ive known for 7 years (married last year) who's quite a bit older than me. Hes in his mid 60s and im about to turn 40. I work part time and do ecommerce on the side (ebay etsy etc) so I am always working.
My husband is retired and he drinks more often than not. On an average month, he is only sober for a handful of days. This is an obvious issue but theres no chance hes going to change for me or anyone else. Frustratuon aside, I mostly feel alone on thr days where hes obliterated.
Last year, I bought two tickets in April for a Halloween concert. Cost me 188$ for special seating too. It was a Marylin Manson concert. He offered to get the hotel and i offered to get the tickets.
Fast forward to October, the week before the concert, and he proceeds to drink every day for two weeks streight. I cant even have a conversation with him in this state because his paranoia kicks in and he does the "poor me" routine. Not wanting to drag an angry rude drunk around on our two day journey, I canceled the plans and got my money back for the tickets. I had planned this trip since April.
I work hard every week and I deserve to have a good time, especially when I paid for it! Instead I get a sad depressed drunk to babysit at home in between the multitude of things that I have to take care of regarding work and business. I was so let down.
Imagine planning something for months only to be let down by someone elese's drinking habit. When i showed up for work on the night of the concert, I had to lie to my co-workers and tell them that we canceled because he had "health problems". I even had requested special days off, so whatever "vacation time" i had was wasted.
I planned almost that whole year for that one week off work. I never got it.
Theres another concert coming in August, a band that ive been telling him for three years that I would love to see, and they are finally on tour.
So am I the ahole for telling my husband that I want to go to the concert alone? I feel so let down from what happened last time. I just want to enjoy one event without having to deal with his drunken behavior and bad mood. He doesn't even like my music. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
GhTv0I5Kg20KL04Slq39cFpKnEAXtp0z | apedfh | {
"description": "not doing something I wasn't asked to do",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not doing something I wasn’t asked to do? | On mobile, yadda yadda, formatting, all that, you know the drill.
Also throw away account because people I personally know know of my real account.
Anyway this happened just an hour or so before posting and although I feel guilty I still don’t think I’m in the wrong *entirely*. But that’s not for me to decide.
Basically I still go to school doing my A levels and I need a uniform for my school as do all UK schools. However I don’t wash my uniform as most of that is handled by my sister who washes most of the laundry including my uniform which I’m very thankful for and I make sure I get her something as thanks for it.
Anyway this morning my stuff wasn’t done which I didn’t blame her for because weekends and all that- she was also out with friends in the morning and everyone is entitled to a social life, but my mum on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and she went berserk on us both which is why I’m writing this.
My mum began to shout and me and her calling us lazy and so on and so fourth which I was confused about and even asked her why I was getting the blame for this even though she knows I don’t do laundry.
Obviously I’m late for school so I asked her if she could drive me but replied saying “you need to learn your lesson for being so lazy”...
It eventually became a shouting match of me arguing that I shouldn’t have to take blame in this as I don’t do laundry in the house and she knows this but she still said “well you should’ve checked and made sure it was done”
Feel free to ask more in the comments but my question is am I really the asshole in this? Should I have checked? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
sG706dAugLjJegSpabgWqJuL9mDjX8ix | a0bzko | {
"description": "blocking my grandma's phone number",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for blocking my grandma's phone number? | My mom's mom is suffering from early dementia/Alzheimer's that seems to be progressing at an alarming rate. Having witnessed my step-mom's father succumb to this disease years ago I am very sympathetic and understanding of the pain and heart break this disease inflicts to everyone surrounding the afflicted loved one.
However, with my Mamaw I just cant bring myself to honestly care all that much. She is tied as the most toxic and negative person in my life (neck and neck with my dad). She's seemingly has dedicated her life to pitting her 4 daughters, 3 granddaughters, and 2 great-granddaughters (my kids) against each other.
I've had extensive conversations with my mom, aunt's, and sisters about it and our conclusion is that ontop of undiagnosed mental-illness (which is rampant in my family) she had a lot of issues with her mother being abusive towards her and favoring her sister because she was "dim".
Therapy and life experiences have helps me heal from the abuse and isolation she inflicted on me. I have forgiven her for it's all and the way she continues to be. This forgiveness is for my sake and the sake of building a relationship with my older sister. I've never told my Mamaw this because, to put it bluntly, it's not worth my breath.
Now let's get to where I may be an asshole:
My Mamaw's phone etiquette has not evolved since the 60's. She was always a stay at home mom and unless her Soap's were on TV, she would be on the phone (most likely talking shit about someone). I truly believe that in her mind that since cellphones can go with you where ever you are that if you have it turned on then you should answer it just as you would answer your caller-id lacking landline.
She would always call when I was at work. At the time I worked as a store manager, so hours were completely random. She refused to believe that when she would call at 6/7pm (peak hours most days for my store) that I was at work and that even if I was really at work that I couldn't have been so busy that I couldn't just answer the phone. She would call several times in a row and would only leave voicemails saying to call her back. The conversations we're always based around my sister's or my mom and typically if I knew why they weren't answering her calls. If she did want to talk to me about my life it was about my short lived history or drug abuse, or about how I shouldn't be doing traditional things at my upcoming wedding since I'm a "divorcee", or backhanded comments about my daughter's and comparing the two of them.
Over the summer she didn't come to my bridal shower (the excuse she gave was she just had a perm done and didn't want the smell to bother people, even if that were true it's an outdoor event). She called my sister 11 times during the shower, then called me 3 times, then called my mom who answered to just be asked if my sister was there, if she was okay being there because of her own failed marriage and if I was making sure I didn't make her feel bad about it.
I blocked her number right then and there.
I only intended to do it for a few days, but here we are almost 6 months later and I don't feel bad at all that I still have her blocked. My grandpa has a cellphone that he's learned to use so well that he can participate in our family group chat on Facebook messenger, so luckily I'm able to still communicate with him.
At Thanksgiving my family was surprised that i still had her blocked. They tried to take me on a guilt trip about her current mental state and health. They insisted that once she gone I would regret it.
I firmly explained that I might regret it, but that was a risk I was willing to deal with. I have love for her feel down, but I dont feel bad about wanting minimal contact with her. I don't think she deserves to suffer, but I don't feel heartbroken about her limited time. I dont feel responsible for pretending like she wasn't awful to me my whole life and that just because she's sick that none of her abuse happened.
They still don't understand and I don't expect them to. I've unpacked my emotional baggage, and I'm not going to put it all back and join them on their guilt trip. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
Z5ozPa78tBa6liLIIYSF4qr9qGtaBOBU | ad9oni | {
"description": "not wanting to hangout late with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to hangout late with my girlfriend | So my girlfriend can’t stay up late for shit. When I’m with her and make plans I don’t plan on going to bed by 10pm. So instead I tell her I’d like to see her during the day instead of night so I don’t get frustrated over driving couple hours just to leave again. Lately she’s been upset with me because I’ve been hanging out with other people late at night instead of her and I told her I don’t want my time wasted not doing anything. I even told her my reasoning and I told her I would be there during the day time.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
sAwUyxhnB89n1jvOKGKVn40WWD4wfKH0 | ax6t86 | {
"description": "not texting a group chat for a few days",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not texting a group chat for a few days? | A group of my friends and I are in an Instagram group chat together. There’s only about six of us, and we all go to different schools, so it’s almost our only way of communicating with each other. Well, lately (as in this past week or so) I’ve had a lot to do. I’ve had a lot of homework and band/play rehearsals, plus I’ve got some personal stuff going on at home. Because of this, I haven’t been texting the chat a lot recently. I still go on there for a little bit everyday, just to catch up and see how everyone’s doing, but I usually can’t stay for long. It’s not my fault, and hopefully soon I can stay to talk longer. I explained this to my friends and they all seemed to understand. I thought everything was cool. Then yesterday, one of my friends (we’ll call her Louie) messaged the chat and said something along the lines of “fuck this chat. fuck you guys. especially u/iwentintoadream.” When I saw the message I started to freak out. I have anxiety, and was having a mini panic attack because I’d really thought I’d fucked up my friendship with this person. My other friends in the chat immediately started to private message me, all like “what did you do to Louie?” I didn’t know what to tell them. I’d said a few things in the group chat earlier that day, but I’d been doing homework almost all day. I hadn’t talked to Louie privately at all, and we had been fine right before she said that. It took me a while to convince my friends that I honestly didn’t know what I did wrong. I tried privately messaging Louie, apologizing and asking what I did wrong so I would know to never do it again, but she just left me on read. One of my friends told me that she was mad because she thought since I wasn’t active in the chat a lot, I thought she was annoying and didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. But I never did ANYTHING to make her feel like that, or at least I don’t think I did. That wasn’t my intention at all, she’s my friend and I don’t think those things about her. I apologized to her again, and I think we’re cool now, but I still feel really bad. While it was happening, she was posting stuff on her Instagram like “I’m really sad and angry right now.”
I don’t think we’re fighting anymore, but I still feel awful. At the same time, I feel like it was really unfair of her to get as mad at as she did. I honestly didn’t do anything wrong, and even after I apologized the first time, she still wouldn’t answer me. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I feel like that was kind of a shitty thing for her to do. Am I the asshole in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JK2WSrQiv1iBTCY9VhfPRX3HOmLHX8BZ | b72vze | {
"description": "planning for our trip to Europe",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for planning for our trip to Europe ? | So my boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) are from the states and are currently traveling through Europe for a few weeks. We have been wanting to come for years and planning this trip for months. We are a little over halfway through and all of a sudden my boyfriend gets angry because he says I have been controlling every aspect of the trip. This is based off the fact that I made a list of possible things I’d be interested in doing in each place we went, and followed through on a few of those things. Whereas he didn’t do any research or planning whatsoever. I get that he may have his own interests and preferences but he hasn’t even suggested anything, then just blew up out of the blue.
AITA?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
t9bq2jUCXaYqzkSmGMMUq8Z3D7r8yzbH | ab1308 | {
"description": "wanting to cut off one of my best friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for wanting to cut off one of my best friends? | I have a friend of more than 20 years. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding, and we have been close for so long. When we were around 18 or 19, she was there for me when I fell in love with somebody who didn’t feel the same way. I was heartbroken, and completely devastated. We used to “fool around” when we got drunk together but I put a stop to it when I found out he’d had a girlfriend the whole time. Like I say - heartbroken.
I met my now-husband not long after and we have been together for 9 years - fairly happily I might add. However, on a night out with my friend a few years ago we run into this guy and the two of them start flirting. I get upset by this and ask to speak to her privately, but she refuses. I walk away and they start kissing. I get a little angry with her, we have an argument and I leave. I know that I am married but seeing him and then having him flirt with one of my friends bring all the awful feelings back for me. He didn’t want me and I had to deal with that, it was very painful. I’m not entirely sure that I have ever got over what he did to me, or if I ever will. I don’t doubt that I made the right choice in marrying my husband, and I am fully aware this other guy is a complete effing tool.
She said to me that nothing would come of it, but I found out they had a few dates and I still see them following each other on social media, liking each other’s posts. Whenever I see this it makes me feel sick. She knew how I felt about him and I know longer feel I can be her friend because I get upset whenever I think about what happened.
I know that I am married and I was never officially “with” this guy so it could be considered a grey area, but am I an asshole for not wanting anything to do with her, or do I just need to get over this? It is a difficult subject to speak about and I do not wish to rake all this up again, but I am finding it more and more difficult to spend time with her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
i60AGbYLw1GUTzWhjLPGBsDPtjOrmuSH | b3mfdq | {
"description": "adding someone on facebook, lying to my gf about it when she asked and getting mad that she used my phone to check it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for adding someone on facebook, lying to my GF about it when she asked and getting mad that she used my phone to check it? | Pretty much the title. A few weeks ago, I met and spoke to a girl at a party with my gf who, in all honesty, I found very attractive so I added her to FB just so I could ogle at her pics. She's also an old friend of my sister's (a detail unknown to me and told so by my GF) so I figured there was no big deal. FF a couple of weeks later, and my GF asks me for my phone and checks (she swears she didn't do it on purpose but was searching something else) my recent searches and recognizes her name from the list. She then asks (I remember it a bit hostile) the timeframe of when I added this person, I lie back, admittedly a bad move, that I probably had her from long ago since she was a friend of my sister's.
She then points out that isn't likely since I didn't know she was my sister's friend until my GF pointed it out, and she gets mad and thinks I'm lying. Now, my plan was never to speak with this chick, which ofc my GF has no way of confirming it, and I can't get mad that she's mad that I added her. Time goes on and she seemingly forgets about this.
FF to last night, she asks for my phone again and I innocently lend it to her (I don't really think I have anything to hide or fear from private message popups and the like) and she uses it to check on the friendship status and shows it to me where it clearly says "Friends since February 2019" which obviously destroys my story. I admit to her that I lied and say I'm sorry, explain that I didn't mean anything by it or anything was gonna happen, I responded that from our talk, I found her cool so I might enjoy what she might post online. She then asks the reason I lied then, and respond that I was just trying to avoid a clearly inevitable fight over it.
In the same argument, I then point out that I have admitted to my wrongdoing and I have said I'm sorry, I had no bad intentions but that I also hated that the reason she asks to use my phone is just so she can keep tabs on me which she denies at first but, as her anger was bottling up, then she just screams "So what if I do?" and then kicks me out of her house.
So, Reddit, AITA? I know I'm at fault here and I'm sorry I did it but am i the only A? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
mbLRse1ijkXcOxTmcZl2KcyvkSCGGvKZ | 9v0cl7 | {
"description": "going on a weekend while my dad is spending all his time renovating my house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going on a weekend while my dad is spending all his time renovating my house. | So I bought a house that required a thorough renovation. My dad is retired and an extremely handy guy.
He already helped building my brother and sister’s houses but was a bit reluctant to help me with mine as he can get quite stressed about it. But eventually he agreed to help me.
However as I have a full-time job I can only help in the weekends and during my holidays. When I'm at work during the week my dad is at the house on his own and sometimes asks one of his brothers or friends for help.
I don’t expect him to be there when I am working but I must admit it is handy.
I on the other hand am also an amateur photographer and am sort of the house photographer for a youth organization in our town. I have been for several years now and they are counting on me being there when they have an event. This year I already blew off some activities because of the renovation but as the organization exists for around 60 years they are organizing an extra weekend for all of their members. They asked me if I could come as well and I already said yes. It’s a once in a decade weekend extra but it just happens to fall during this time when we are renovating. So I kind of feel bad that my dad is doing so much work in the house and I’m going on a weekend.
I haven’t told my dad yet as he is recently somewhat stressed. I plan to tell him this week but I’m currently looking to take some extra leave during the week to compensate for the weekend. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GuozT2OPgvXoC3RaGw75fQsfcooB0JbD | aav0l0 | {
"description": "not wanting to stay home for my best friend at new years",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For not wanting to stay home for my best friend at New Years? | So first of all I feel guilty really quickly.
So a week back or so I promised my best friend that I would stay home on New Year’s Eve so we could do something.
She promised her family that she would stay home until at least 00:00
And I then said sure I’ll wait for you
But now my bf invited me to a party that starts at 20:30 and I kind of forgot what I promised my best friend. So I told him that I’d go to that party.
I’d much rather go with my bf and I’ve actually already told my best friend that I’m gonna go to that party and I can’t just stay home for her because she promised something.
But now she’s guilt tripping me into staying home, I’m trying to hold my ground. I’m starting to feel really guilty about it.
Also after 00:00 it’s not like she wants to go to that party or anything she just wants to come over to my place and watch movies.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
LYwNVRsGWv1YoJAeEo7wl3HAt15qA5K2 | acuf1g | {
"description": "not letting my gf sleep over with her best guy friend, who she claims to be just friends with",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not letting my (m19) gf(17) sleep over with her best guy friend, who she claims to be just friends with? | so we have been dating for 6 months now and im really into her, but she has a lot of guy friends which in and of itself isnt an issue to me at all.
however, theres this one guy she used to always hang out with and sleep over at, but there was never anything beyond friendship according to her.
she has admitted that when she was younger (talking 13/14) that they both had a crush on each other but they didnt know and only found out later on.
so heres what bothers me: she wants to still sleep over at his place dispite me explicitly telling her im not comfortable with that and telling her not to on multiple occasions.
i dont think im "controlling" her cause ahe can do whatever she wants with whoever, but i draw the line at sleeping over.
He only lives like 15 minutes from where she lives if she goes there on her bike.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
zwHjBcpC89uHBHdNdouagWZGVQFQi7MW | 9xvaz0 | {
"description": "looking at other drivers I pass",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for looking at other drivers I pass? | So my BF and I disagree on this. I usually trust his advice since he is the safest driver I know...
But. I am paranoid on the road. The reason for my paranoia is that I have been in three accidents over my 6 years of driving. Once I was rear-ended, not at fault, the other two... involved hitting a christmas tree in the freeway at night in the very dark spot under an overpass, that was my bad. It was late, I was tired, I was not expecting a tree. Last time I did rear-end someone. My fault. I looked at my gps at the worst time and traffic abruptly stopped. I am not a good driver, but I have been trying very hard to be better... part of that is looking at other drivers so I have a better idea of what they are going to do on the road.
... this looking at other drivers has saved me from at least 3 other collisions where the driver was looking the opposite direction/down at their phone/at their passenger and began merging into me.
If they are driving erratically, I look at them as I pass because I want to know where their focus is. I almost never catch somone's eye contact, and have yet to have a negative reaction. I am a smaller woman, probably not very intimidating.
My BF HATES when I look, he tells me that I'm trying to "make it personal" and that other drivers will take it as such... I've gotten to the point that I plaster on a serene expression or just a concerned one when I look... I don't want to make someone angry, I just want to see what they are looking at. My BF makes the point that I am taking my focus off the road, but I feel like I have been careful and these glances are hardly even a second as I pass...
Am I coming across as an asshole on the road? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YweCYy7wE2uqK4na56m6FEjKnu25zhXd | a5sd3k | {
"description": "telling my housemate she's coughing too much",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA if I tell my housemate she's coughing too much | One of my housemates coughs really really loud, it wakes me up and is just really distracting as I work from home.
She doesn't cover her mouth and it just generally doesn't sound healthy, should I at least tell her she should have some medicine? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
4ztTAempxW0z9Eg1RPlSVQS0NIObl7og | avv9tc | null | WIBTA If you texted another girl behind this girls back. | So I'm a college student who hasn't had much success with girls it's not that I'm afraid to ask them out its just I don't get many yes answers. So superbowl night my dad had a party in the basement and these two girls who were friends woth my nieces came upstairs. The point is my dad set me up with one of them. I haven't seen her in person since that night though and I never even spoke to them or got their names. So I don't even know which one I'm texting every night. Neither of them looked good to me. So onto the next thing, there is this hot girl in my class and she's kinda my type. So i want to get involved with her but the girl my dad set me up with really seems to like me even tho she probably thinks I'm my brother. We really didn't get to see each other that much. So would I be the asshole if I text this other girl behind her back? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
znYyu0Sve2mFBiYMc0wRuyP1BIuGQVs8 | anjixq | {
"description": "telling my friends I'm dating my partner",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my friends I’m dating my partner? | I have been dating my SO for a little under a 2 months now. We agreed to keep it to ourselves for a bit at first, and that was fine. Now that’s it’s been a couple months, my friends have obviously noticed we spend a lot of time together. He has been around me and my friends before, and it’s clear that something is going on. Now, at this point, I don’t mind telling my friends. I would kind of prefer it. He came out to an engagement party with me and my friends and they joked about him seeing other people. I have to specify here, I really don’t believe there’s anything suspicious going on. But the fact that they assume he’s still seeing other people just rubbed me the wrong way. In his eyes, it would be funny if my friends thought we were only hooking up for as long as possible. He gives me no reason to believe he's cheating. He just finds it entertaining for some reason. My friends know that I have broken off things with my previous hook ups and keep asking me about our relationship status. It’s getting kinda uncomfortable to keep lying to try friends and make it seem like we’re not something when we are. I brought this up, but he insisted that we try to keep it up for as long as possible. I asked what I was supposed to do when they try to hook me up with some of their friends when we go out (which happens often), and he said at that point I should tell them.
On one hand, I don’t want to break any trust we have built up so early on, but on the same hand I’m not a big fan of lying to my friends especially when we’re so open with each other about our relationships. I also am not a big fan of the light this puts me in. In their eyes I have given up all my other hook ups and am tying myself to a person who is still seeing other people.
Just to clarify a few things, I have heard him on the phone with his step mom talking about me. He’s made it clear to her that we were in a relationship. So he’s not hiding the fact that we’re dating from his friends/family, just mine.
So, WIBTA for just telling my friends we’re dating? He really wants to keep this illusion going and doesn’t want me to ruin it. But I don’t want to be at a point where I’m stuck either flirting with someone at a bar or just admitting I’m in a relationship. Am I just being sensitive? It’s really harmless and otherwise, our relationship is perfectly fine. Of course I’ll bring it up again, but at this point if someone asks I’d rather just spill the beans. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4zyD3aFOJ0M9uOCjuV1zSPAElCoczxKj | atn64y | {
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to hang out with my friends? | My closest friends are all in relationships (except one, but her fwb is almost always with her) and I honestly do like most of their SOs, but whenever I make plans with my friends singularly, they make no mention of it being the three of us, but it almost always is. My job is male dominated and I just want to have some girl time, but I feel like I can't say that because I don't want to offend them or their partners, so I end up just making excuses and not seeing them much anymore. AITA or would you guys think to ask if your friend minded your SO coming along every time you make plans? I wouldn't feel so uncomfortable stating my preference if they made any notion that it mattered to them. I'd rather distance myself than feel the pain of a friend rejecting me for their partner.
And all my friends who were in relationships where they didn't mind having separate lives and friends have moved and I never had to ask them to ditch their partners, who seldomly if ever joined us. Idk it's just driving me crazy that it hasn't been an issue until now, and now it's literally every friend left in this area that's doing this. Maybe I just need to move again. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Wc3gZR3YG1dAVnHUj7Tytjv6wbUEQTXM | awhup6 | {
"description": "getting my classmates to skip class for a test",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting my classmates to skip class for a test? | First time posting here. I hope my grammar and spelling errors won't make it a pain to read, as I am a french student.
So it all happened two days ago. We were about to be tested for our german oral expression. The problem is that about 90% of the school loathes german, but still take it over spanish because it may be useful in the future. It ends up in almost nobody being able to learn the language, as the french method to learn languages is shit (I still have no idea how I got that one godly english teacher, though). So, everyone was panicking because we were all gonna pass the test in two hours, and I had not even managed to learn my text yet. So did my classmates.
So, at lunchtime, I offered everyone to skip the class before german. It was an hour long class we have every other week where we learn to use our graphic calculators, as it's needed for our math exam at the end of the year.
The thing is that nobody likes that class, everyone is bored and we hadn't even seen the professor all day. So? What happened? I encouraged everyone to skip class and practice our exam together, because we were almost certain to all get a 3/20 or something like this oterwise, since we couldn't remember anything we learned the night before.
It happens, we skip class (we're only 14, but still), even the two students with above 16/20 grades in languages and who are just really good students overall. Everyone studies or chats and we get the test. We didn't get the grades yet, but that's not important.
Then, the next day, the principal comes in with the teacher during our first period and proceeds to ask where we were at x time of day instead of in class. I proceeded to say before everyone else that we skipped class to study for our oral expression and that I was the one who offered to do so in the first place.
The entire class ended up getting 2 hours of detention and everyone's parents got a message via the school's grade viewing system with the explanation.
Luckily, my classmates didn't turn me down and said they took part too since they agreed to skip class, but that was useless. Every single parent started emailing my mom, talking about how their kid is gonna fail his math exam at the end of the year (we're 12 graders) and that I am a stupid kid who doesn't care about school. This isn't true, I'm working hard and have a good reputation as a student, but I really don't know where to put myself as I got every single one of the students in my class grounded, even the really smart ones, except myself, because my grades weren't inflicted and that I skipped to study, so my parents just told me to not do it again.
But really, I have no idea what to think of now...
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
VtEf8eGwxECEulqI3SEYHv25HcigwK95 | aptzyf | {
"description": "breaking up with GF because my friends and family are racist",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 132
} | AITA for breaking up with GF because my friends and family are racist? | Well i finally decided i will share my story, this happenend couple weeks ago.
Iam from Poland but i work and study in Berlin along with my older brother and several friends. We were quite a close group but recently i started new job in restaurant as i do want to became a chef one day so we were meeting each other less often as they tend to stick in their dormitory most of the times.
​
Well long story short i met a girl in my new workplace (hipster-ish café) and after some time we started dating. I was really gladfull for some company as i was mostly alone or just chatting with friends. Everything seems fine but then i wanted to introduce my new GF to friends and problems started. We threw a small party in pub but my friends were not really friendly towards her, most of the time they refused to speak german or english and stick to polish so only person she was able to talk was myself. I did not know what was going on, she left early but i stayed as it was quite some time i saw my old buddies. Well, almost immediately she left my brother asked my, straightforwardly, why am i dating black person. You see, GF is from Ethiopia which i did not saw as a problem (as it is not a problem in normal sociaty i guess).
​
I mean, we always ran racist jokes and tropes and stuff like that but i honestly always thought it is joke, not something taken seriously. Our former manager was from turkey so i did not knew they will seriously take this as an issue. My brother and one girl from our group were the worst in this - my brother even told me he will call our parents and tell them iam dating non-christian girl (although SHE IS non-catholic christian, but explain difference to parents...). Initially i told them to fuck off and left place (as we were all little bit drunk i still considered that nothing more than "friendly" joking).
​
Well afterwards i told my GF what was that all about, why did not they talk to her and she was pissed and told me i dont need them and they are assholes (true, i guess). Things went back to semi-normal, i kept chatting with friends (they were still making fun of me for dating her but in a way friendlier way) and hanging out with her but then i had my birthday party and naturally i wanted to celebrate with both my friends and brother, and her. I convinced her it will be okay, that they indeed are assholes but not a real racist people and they just have this kind of humour.
​
As you can expect it did not go well. It did not take long to arguments starting but this time she was more aggressive - calling out their lack of education, making polish jokes about plumbers, etc. Truth be told i think it was my female friend who started that with some stupid monkey-related joke but then it was all in from all parties involved. In the end she made a scene, called herself an uber and left.
​
Party ruined, i felt like shit and brother started to convince me to break up with her. So i did that. Next day we met and i told her we need to break up because this is not working for us. She called me names, specifically stating iam weakling and i should ho fuck myself.
​
So - i know iam asshole in many ways and she was the wronged party but i really cannot "abandon" all my friends. We were together since childhood, my brother looked up for me since i remember and i was never really able to go againts him. I would never be able to study and work here without them and they, mainly my brother, helped me multiple times when i had struggled with money or anything else.
​
So AITA for breaking up with here since it was basically ultimatum her or them? Or was it only viable solution?
It was not going to work and i really dont want to loose everyone i know since child. Since then iam kinda (not really "serious") dating that female friend, that might be the reason she was so againts my ex.
​
Tl;dr
I break up with GF because she is ethiopian and my friends and brother are racist. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 124,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 132
} | WRONG |
7ygU8votgA65K58qqewbdU3X8pKCszjM | aeynvi | {
"description": "asking my friend to make plans to hangout instead of assuming I'm always ready to",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Asking my friend to make plans to hangout instead of assuming I’m always ready to? | For context I am a college student (20f lesbian) and my friend and I were roommates freshmen year so we used to hangout all the time.
This year, however has been harder for me to be free because I started a demanding job and got into a committed relationship. My friend does not like my girlfriend for what I think is residual jealousy (my friend and I used to sleep together).
My girlfriend has been nothing but nice to my friend even though my gf knows our history and I would understand if she hated her.
My friend is always complaining about how I don’t have time and how I’m always with my gf, but I hang with my friend every Wednesday even though I’m busy. My friend also makes fun of my job and acts like it’s not serious.
I’m just worn out and we got in a fight today because I told my friend I was going to be spending my 21st with my Gf since I am not a big party person and like quiet evenings. I told my friend not to contact me again. So am I the asshole?
TDLR: my friend is mad at me for having a job and a girlfriend and not spending all my time with her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4NtutWxHLTds2uUCUg6CXlt0S3xqFozu | apbfwm | {
"description": "driving away after \"hitting\" a car",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for driving away after “hitting” a car? | So earlier today I went to a coffee shop and the parking spaces are very tight there. It didnt help that there was a car that was parked too far out (who was preventing multiple customers in the lot to move around) that was making it extra tight. Anyways when I left due to the fact that the car was making it difficult I had my friend step outside to guide me and make sure I didnt hit the car behind me. She does this thing were she literally stands inbetween any potential car I might hit and we make sure I don’t hit any cars otherwise I’d hit her (I know very dangerous but we’ve been doing this for awhile and im extremely careful NOT to hit her) Anyways I was getting a bit too close and she bangs on my car for me to stop so I obviously stop immediently, by then I’ve had enough room to pull out safely so she hops in the car and we get ready to leave before a man interrupts us, here is the dialogue:
So you’re just gonna drive away and pretend you didn’t hit that car?
My friend very confused and says “She didn’t hit that car I swear it, I was literally standing in between the cars if you heard or saw her hit it she hit my leg.”
He insists that I most definitely hit the car and I step out of my car because at this point i’m very flustered thinking I hit the car. A third person in my car a part of my party assured me I did not hit the car but the man was insistent that I did.
He begins threatening to take a picture of my license plate (which he did) as my friend explains to him and tries to assure him I most definitely didn’t hit the car. I asked my friend “Are you sure I didn’t hit the car?” And then looked to him and said “Sir are you sure I hit the car” and he looked over to her and said “If you’re not gonna be honest about it I can just let the person inside know what she did.” I am not a confrontational person at all and this really made me anxious but my friend began getting very frustrated as he was accusing her of being a liar. We said if we hit the car we had no problem letting the owner know (We really had no problem with that) but he went inside the restaurant. I reflected in the middle of the lot what to do if I should go inside and explain myself to him. But I am so sure I DID NOT HIT THE CAR. My friend is SURE 100% I didn’t hit the car. A man we were friendly with in the coffee place came out as he was curious to the situation and I explained it, he said “I would just leave, you didn’t hit the car.” We stayed in the parking lot for a good 10 minutes to see if the guy who confronted us may come out with a person. My friends all agreed that we should just go so I drove away. But I felt really bad and wrong for this... That man was really convinced I hit the car and I felt like I was a criminal for just leaving ... He has my plate number and I’m afraid if there is a scratch on that car (even if its not from me) I might be blamed for it. I understand he was just trying to be a good citizen and I commend him for that but it really bugged me that he refused to reason with us and accused my friend of lying. It’s just been bugging me all day. AITA for just leaving? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MPGOO170P75ufyjD9rxfKtATFElSx4D1 | aqsgsb | {
"description": "skipping part of my responsibilities",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for skipping part of my responsibilities? (UPDATED) | I posted on here earlier but some things have changed. The situation is this:
I go to a small private school. Seniors, instead of senior privilege, are forced to do work such as washing dishes, sweeping floors, managing concessions etc in order to raise money to go on a class trip. Here's the catch- the trip is NOT optional. I don't want to go. Yet, I must do all the work anyway, making it involuntary. I refused to do it. I posted on here asking if I was the asshole, and the arguments for stronger for the YTA side, so I accepted it.
here's the updated circumstances:
I started doing the chores that I was supposed to do in the first place, and I did them well. Even tried to have fun with it. But my homeroom class advisor takes advantage of it I still believe. I no longer have time to eat some of my lunch (I do get to eat some, but not all. The uneaten part goes to waste) and I even have missed part of Physics (my favorite and most difficult class). One day, I was eating my lunch when I was asked, by my friend (not the class advisor) to clean the dishes. I politely told him "I'll go in when I'm finished my lunch". he said "ok. that's fine but hurry up". and I did hurry up. I guess my friend told the class advisor that I wasn't coming in IMMEDIATELY, and of course she flipped. She cane out of the kitchen and told me to go in NOW. I told her that I told my friend that I was quickly finishing my lunch. and she said she didn't care what he said and that I needed to go in now. I told her I was simply holding up my end of the deal. Needless to say, I finished my lunch anyway and went in afterward. For the record, everything was done on time that day. So AITA for going in to my kitchen responsibilities late? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
I9Wz53R2qc3P61XgVJjJWlXKcbIvlINz | ajyfpl | {
"description": "dating my friends ex who she still hates",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA if I date my friends ex who she still hates? | My friend and him broke up over a year ago. He cheated on her and just wasn’t very nice to her. He’s changed though and regrets the way he treated her, he has matured since then and me and him have a few classes together and get along really well. We’ve been texting a lot and he’s told me he really likes me and asked me to hang out. I’ve said yes and I’m gonna go over to his next weekend. Im not really sure how to bring it up to my friend though. She still hates him and I don’t want it to ruin our friendship :/ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
zY14KhPfYpJAPyq9BC9Sv2JpDZSHdLQv | b5v419 | {
"description": "ghosting a guy from Tinder because he kept asking for selfies",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for ghosting a guy from Tinder because he kept asking for selfies? | I matched with a guy on tinder and we started chatting. He seemed pleasant enough so we arranged a date, exchanged phone numbers and moved over to whatsapp.
​
And then he asked me to send him a selfie, he also specified he meant a "normal selfie, not a naked one or anything". I thought it was a bit weird but I did send him a funny, joking selfie with my tongue out. It's because I really don't like selfies, besides he has seen on me on the pictures I've uploaded to tinder.
He insisted I send another, normal one. I said that I don't really like taking selfies and then changed a subject.
Next day we chatted a bit more and I have asked him something simple like "what kind of music are you into" to which he gave me a response like "everything really" and then said: "so am I gonna get another selfie?".
​
Now it annoyed me and I just ignored it and we talked a bit more about different subjects, but really it made me uncomofortable.
Basically the date we arranged never happened because I really didn't like how he was asking me for selfies even after I said I don't want to send them.
Now I know it's not a big deal because it's just tinder and a guy I've never met.
But AITA for not being straight with him and saying: sorry I don't want to go on a date with you anymore? Instead I rearranged a date giving him some bullshit about why I can't make it and then never replied again.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
XSqqa544RpqGvbGHJcvyS0tQOauBAmtL | as78o9 | {
"description": "refusing to pay utilities",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for refusing to pay utilities? | I recently moved out of an apartment living with three other roommates. One of them, an older man who was on disability for chronic fatigue, was always home and made me feel incredibly uncomfortable (I struggle with social anxiety and depression). He often slept in the common areas and had a very uncoordinated sleeping schedule. I decided this place wasn't for me and decided to move out. I moved out early after my landlord had a showing without notifying me, but still paid rent for the whole month.
Now, the roommate who is older would like to have me pay utilities for the whole month, despite me only being there for half the month. I asked him if he would prorate the utilities and he declined. Eventually, we got into an argument where I told him I was not going to pay for him to sit on his ass all day. He said I "exploited" his sickness and a ton of other things. Am I the asshole for leaving early and deciding to not pay for half a month in utilities?
UPDATE: after reading all these and agreeing with most, I've decided to just pay. He's not living in poverty or struggling. The rent is very cheap and he typically pays for utilities then sends us the bills later. One time, he sent us 3 month's worth of utilities in a lump sum and was pissed when we complained. That was when I decided to move out.
If anyone said something about my anxious behavior causing issues I would try and correct it. He has been texting me and frankly it's exhausting to have someone at his age constantly nag me about me being unreasonable for being upset about him being stubborn and very nosy. I have decided to ignore him as discussing has got us no where. Even after I told him I would pay, he still feels the need to imply that I am not bright and even brought up a time I came home and threw up claiming that he was bothered by that. I've decided to just apologize to him when I go drop off the keys for what I said. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
A4YqDsVfOdtCKfmSuNMgSPaveECgN3dH | aheslf | {
"description": "telling my friend that Michael Scott from the Office gets assassinated at the end",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend that Michael Scott from the Office gets assassinated at the end? | My friend/roomie has never seen the office before. I decided that it would be funny to convince him that someone murdered Micheal at the end
We are on season 4 right now and he’s believing everything I say lol.
Am I an asshole for wanting to do this? I’ve seen the office at least 7-8 times now and I just thought it would make things very interesting and funny. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
anmOItJ6wrs3WT20iK10zLgyyxso75jK | ai1ki6 | {
"description": "having a hard time respecting my parents when they don't want to show me respect",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for having a hard time respecting my parents when they don’t want to show me respect? | My parents are always after me for not being disrespectful to them, but when I say that I have a hard time because I don’t feel like they respect me or my ideas, and then get upset about “if you want us to start showing you respect, you gotta start acting worthy of respect?” To me shouldn’t they start being respectful first, as the older more mature people? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
7EenhtPazZSYX1gBVS31cE1HtlWkOjIc | b49l1k | {
"description": "yelling at two people in my class group to stfu",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for yelling at two people in my class group to stfu? | This happened about two hours ago but yeah. We were playing kahoot in class with our groups. I felt I knew all the vocab very well so I decided I’ll be in charge of answering it as I was confident. So I pulled out my phone and got in the game made a team name and yeah. My group has five people in total including me. Two people from my team kept yelling at me because my phone is slower since it’s an older model(SE). It was a fucking kahoot so I tried telling them to shut up but they kept harassing me. And because of that tapping answers was slower. They kept harassing me and I kept saying it is just a kahoot. They wouldn’t stop yelling at me and I snapped. I loudly exclaimed and yelled “shut the fuck up you idiots”. My teacher heard. I loudly said again they are being idiots for getting so competitive over kahoot. I don’t remember so well what she said but I think it was along the lines of calm down but I said well tell it to these idiots who keep getting mad at me over kahoot. It was the last two questions so I just quit out the game out of spite for my team. We ended up fifth out of six teams in that game. The next two rounds I didn’t play I just let them and they snarkily were like “what place are we in(my name) now huh”. I didn’t say anything. They ended up in 4th in the next two rounds. I didn’t play those last two rounds. Thing was we answered practically all of them correct it was just slower so we got less points. Tapping too fast would be worse because it just causes lag.
My teacher says IATA but I still am conflicted.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
OiwXk1ze8CewCiT3DfGo0qfD2nPHnxDa | a9vzhd | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone with BPD",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone with BPD | I’ve been this girls friend for years and years (I’m 21 and we’ve been friends since I can remember) let’s call her Claire.
So when Claire and I went to high school we went to different high schools, so we kinda lost touch until I was in grade 11.
The reason we really started hanging out again was because she tried to kill her self after a teacher, who she fell in love with, told her they weren’t friends and that she had to stop texting her all the time and treating her like a friend.
My friend was then diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
I didn’t really notice the symptoms that much at first. We were all super depressed and suicidal in high school (I use to be a hardcore self harmer and alcoholic until I met my now boyfriend of 5 years) so the fact that she tried to kill herself shocked me, but I had many friends who attempted suicide so I never really thought of her diagnosis at the time.
Now, fast forward about 5 years, and I’m ready to rip my head off.
Now let me start this off by saying I understand she has problems with boundary issues, but it never seems like she tries to actually stop them. She will show up at my house if I don’t text her back, or she will spam text me, or text my boyfriend and all my friends asking if I’m with them and why am I not answering her, or she will get her other friend (who I’m kinda certain also has the same boundary issues but for the sake of not diagnosing someone I’ll just say she’s kinda on her side) to text me so that if I anwser her then Claire knows I’m ignoring her.
Today, she wanted to hang out with a mutual friend of ours. And that mutual friend (let’s call her Jenny) wasn’t feeling well, but because of Claire’s boundary issues couldn’t tell her that (because Claire would just try to convince her to let her over anyways) so Jenny just ignored her. It was kinda a thing a lot of us in my friend group do when Claire wants to hang and we don’t because there is no way to tell this girl no.
So Jenny ignored her, but then Claire SHOWED UP at her house, and Jenny’s mom let her in (Jenny and Claire are cousins so Jenny’s mom is her aunt) but then told Claire that she was sleeping and wasn’t looking like her was going to wake up. So Claire decided “ok, well I’m just going to wait in the living room until she wakes up” and FaceTimed her friend while she was waiting for Jenny to “wake up”. She would also peak into the room to see if she was awake.
When she realized Jenny wasn’t going to wake up (after AN HOUR) she went home.
Just recently she was living with her moms friend for her last semester at college, and just like her teacher fell in love with this lady, and then threatened to kill her self and had to get sent to the Heath unit because this lady told her mom that Claire was telling her about all her problems and that she didn’t know how to help and wanted advice (which Claire knew about because she snooped on her moms phone and laptop to see their conversations because “she knew something was up”)
This is only a glimps of the last 2 months. There’s way more stories and way more boundaries that she has crossed. I am having a hard time even hanging out with her because all she talks about is herself and her problems and it’s always negative. I’m going threw my own stuff (depression, eating disorders and ptsd) and I can’t Handle the stress and negativity that comes with being her friend. I have tried talking to her about it but it’s like she listens but doesn’t.(says “yes I know I have boundary issues” but never actually does anything to change them) I know I am her 100% best friend, and I fear that if I cut her off she will either threaten to kill her self or actually try.
So basically, am I the asshole for wanting to cut ties? Jenny is ready to snap too and we both feel super guilty about the whole thing, and we feel like we’re trapped and just want to do the right thing for everyone.
tl;dr : my friend has borderline personality disorder and crosses boundary lines all the time and me and my friends want to stop being her friend but don’t want her to hurt or kill herself. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oygZXozBerfIYbqWFkUtU1NWBYjr5TIS | agi2wf | {
"description": "not wanting to do anal",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to do anal? | My boyfriend (21M) and I (21F) have been together for 3 years and been living together for that long as well.
Just as some background info, he was interested in doing anal when we first started dating and I have tried it when we were first together. However, I really hated it as it hurts and just have no pleasure at all. Anyway I agreed for second time as I thought it would get better but it didn’t. So he did not push it often now. However, last time I gave in to anal again as we were in an argument and agreed kind of a forgiveness.
Now onto what happened last night, he has been hinting at anal again the past week and last night I kind of gave in thought I could try and enjoy it. But midway through I kind of chickened out and told him to stop. He got angry and ignored me the whole night while I cried next to him(felt guilty mixed with abit of anxiety attack from thinking about anal/pain).
Am I the asshole ?
TLDR - kind of agreed into anal but chickened out in the middle.
Ps. Post on mobile please don’t hate. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 34,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 34,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
JpbjXQe3m3tj3rILKNfvZ3sPNHU0gn9c | apkueg | {
"description": "not wanting my wifes aunt to live with us for a month",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting my wifes aunt to live with us for a month? | Her aunt (from AZ) is moving to a city near us in WI. She has family in both locations. Aunt has been staying at our place for the past week while looking for an appartment.
She found one, but cant move in for a month. Aunt told us she will stay with us until then and her family in AZ will ship her belongings to her here.
My wife said that's fine, i disagreed. We allowed her to stay for a week like we all agreed. She has other family close to us, but aunt doesn't get along with them she claims. Aunt is a crabby person and just sits around our living room all day. AITA for not wanting to be uncomfortable in my own home for the next month? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
kUL5GoXTJW5W2fEcgkZ88vZbGUaf1BKj | 9vjzmn | {
"description": "warning a friend not to live with my current housemate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for warning a friend not to live with my current housemate? | The issue is that my current housemate (A) is planning on moving in with one of my friends (B) who is currently living with someone else (C). We're all university students, they're doing another year while this is my last so I'm not part of the equation.
A is planning on moving in with B and C, but as a current housemate of A, I know that she has an unhealthy relationship with C due to an unreciprocated crush. A and C are completely incompatible and will never happen (religious differences) and A knows that, but she still talks about C all of the time. As a current housemate of A, I have to hear about her issues with C, which has become all she talks about. All conversations with A are negative and one-sided towards her problems, making her a very unenjoyable person to live with.
I messaged B and warned him of the situation he would be entering if he signed with A and C. He was glad that I told him my thoughts and we met up to talk about it more, and deleted the messages so there wouldn't be a trace. He is left in an awkward situation, having few other options for housing, but was nevertheless grateful as he was already having second thoughts about the house and felt my comments alleviated the guilt he felt over those thoughts.
I made the poor decision to tell another of my current housemates (D) about the conversation I had with B, knowing that D was also frustrated by the constant negativity of A. A few days later, after a small falling out with D which is now resolved amicably, D told A what I messaged B. A was predictably very upset, for which I do not blame her.
I am now living in a very hostile environment, with all my current housemates considering me to have interfered in something that wasn't my business and exacerbated the negative mood of A (who claims to suffer from anxiety, though has never sought diagnosis or help for it, and consistently embellishes her issues). I still believe I did the right thing in telling B not to move in with A, and only regret my part in A coming to know about the whole situation. If I had known it would all come to light, I would have still have had the initial conversation as I truly believe living with both A and C would be deeply unpleasant for B.
As I think my actions were justified, apart from the telling of D which I regret, I have refused to make an insincere apology to A about the initial conversation. I have expressed my regret that she came to know about it, and apologised for not keeping it between myself and B, which was an error on my part.
Since I have half a year left in this house, I am keen for some impartial input into my actions. As a principled person I am hesitant to apologise for the interference, since I do not regret my actions and would do the same again, even in hindsight (minus the telling of D). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TW1SNEIrfjyTHL2885AefwWKkbY7531f | aw8po4 | {
"description": "defending my fiancee",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for defending my fiancee? | I don't have the best relationship with my parents. I've been working on that since I got engaged, as I want my fiancee to have a relationship with them if she wants.
To help with this, we've tried including my mom in aspects of the wedding planning. My mom offered to cover parts of the wedding, and after considering her list, my fiancee and I decided she could cover the rehearsal dinner and alcohol for the reception.
My parents live in FL, and fiancee's parents in CO. We are in the NC/GA border. Her mom wanted to come visit and see the area, and at the same time go wedding dress shopping. We tried to include my mom in this, and she was excited to be a part of the dress shopping and meeting my future MIL. But, she's been helping my sister with her kids while my sis finishes grad school. This means logistics with the kids. With 2 months to plan, my mom wouldn't ask their dad to take them early for his visitation with them. And my mom complained about the thought of traveling with a 5 and 2 year old. Understandable.
My future MIL and my mom have talked on the phone to discuss wedding logistics. MIL thanks my mom for covering the alcohol, and my mom acted like she had no clue. She does this to make people second guess themselves and to make her look flexible and generous.
I talked to my dad 3 days ago. Had a great convo, avoided all the hot topics. But, he tells me that this weekend, they're going to the same city we tried to arrange the shopping and meeting, so that they can see some of their friends. This upset me greatly as this is the same weekend we tried to set it up. And, my mom called the kid's dad and he took them early.
After thinking it over for 24 hours, I decided to call and discuss this with her. I told her how upsetting this was to me and my fiancee, and she acted like this was the first she had heard about being invited for dress shopping. And that acting like she had never heard about the alcohol made my future MIL uncomfortable.
To be clear, we talked multiple times on the phone about these things, and there are multiple texts and emails directly addressing this.
She of course acted very upset(she's a master manipulator and I've learned most of her tactics). She cried and cried and kept saying everyone must think she's just a bitch(she's always been most concerned with her image), but never apologized.
She hangs up. A couple hours later, my dad calls me after hearing her paint the image of this convo that she wants him to hear. He berated me for 1 hour and 33 minutes about how I devastated her. I get it, and that was not my intention. I just wanted her to make more of an effort if we try to include her in the planning. He or she never once acknowledged that she hurt us. She has twisted this and made it all about her.
Tl;dr: trying to include my mom in the wedding planning is backfiring, she's manipulating everyone and making it about her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LgHukw0taMhdoE8mbPI4KOu1AxOKzvXX | aepyqb | {
"description": "asking out a girl I know my friend likes",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I asked out a girl I know my friend likes? | This is going to sound super childish but I do need advice. So there is this girl that I gave known all year (10th) and I introduced them to each other about 2 months ago. I could kinda tell that he liked her just based on how he looked at her and so I asked him yesterday. He said that “it was pretty obvious at this point. I have also liked her up to the this point but he does know.
Would I be the asshole if I asked her out knowing he likes her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3sC1WKD3qDpo1wLR9KLpd4TmDiSGtOi9 | aahd0g | {
"description": "suing someone nice",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for suing someone nice? | Not gonna get into all the details...
But my doctor is really a genuinely nice guy who has been an awesome doctor, has delivered my newborn son, and helped me get resources for post partum depression. However he also recommended and implanted a device that perforated through an internal organ and was floating around in my abdominal cavity and had to be laparoscopically removed.
So...am I the asshole for suing someone I consider to be a genuinely good person and usually good doctor even though there was a freak accident where malpractice took place? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
liLwDCEEiPbOpSkRkDhUp8KrN7JDO0GZ | aecr1l | null | AITA been in a break up and decided to unfollow my ex when she was confused about getting back together post break? | So I am 27 and I am a male and my girlfriend is 24. We been together for about 3 months and in a program together. Well we got into a fight and she broke up with me. Fast forward before christmas break we decided to meet up and talk about it. She said she was just confused on getting back and will use the christmas break to figure out if she wanted to get back.
3 weeks goes by and we didn't talk to each other or anything during that break no looking at each other social medias. Before school started I decided to just unfriend her on all of my social media and move on. Well she got really pissed about it and told my roomie who told me. Keep in mind we still see each other in class and kind of giving each other the cold shoulder. From her perspective I am being immature and she thought things were going well before hand, but to me it she was playing with me making me wait to figure it out.
Waiting 3 weeks is basically a soft rejection and to me it was basically me taking control and removing myself from that situation. She always wanted to be friends and I said I can't be friends. Then a part of me is if I would have waited on the facebook friends thing and then unfriend her depending on how things turn out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
t4PW7vbVvmlAaV4jN3ovCXk3RL4Hkhg2 | b0b8c3 | {
"description": "wanting to cut ties with my abusive mother, even though she has cancer",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to cut ties with my abusive mother, even though she has cancer? | I’ll try to make this as short as possible without giving you my life story.
My mother was emotionally (and slightly physically) abusive towards me (25f) growing up. She’d call me names (loser, bitch, c*nt) and yell “f*ck you” to me for making small mistakes, even after I made an effort to fix them. She also ignored me (sometimes for days) after we got into fights and never went out of her way to apologize. Here are some specific examples of things she’d do to me:
- The night before I moved into college (20 minutes away from home) I came home late and she got pissed. This led to her not helping me move in my dorm like we had planned. I had to call a friend and help instead.
- She got pissed over something (I forget what) and she threw my French horn against the wall of the living room, so hard that she dented it. She then made me practice it afterwards.
This has led to low self esteem and a high sense of perfectionism in my adulthood.
I live 10 hours away from her now. She was diagnosed with cancer last year, and has gotten surgery and chemo treatments since then. I think she’s still getting chemo.
I get all this information from my dad because I haven’t talked to her in 6 months. I’ve been going to therapy to try and figure out the best way to approach our relationship.
I feel bad that she’s been sick and that I haven’t talked to her at all, not even a phone call, to see how she’s doing. But talking to her is awful for my mental health. She just sent me an email this morning asking if we can start talking again. She apologized for “whatever she did to make me stop talking to her” but the thing is, I did already tell her (multiple times) why I was angry at her. She should know by now.
AITA for still not wanting to talk to my mom, though she has cancer and seemingly wants to make amends? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
pvowYclOdVYXB2XH5zBLQA4zg312vAkz | 9xiugg | {
"description": "telling my girlfreind's mother to butt out of our relationship",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my girlfreind's mother to butt out of our relationship? | ​
We starting dating when she was already 16, which is legal in my state, but the mother still won't butt out and keeps calling me a creep and threatens to have me arrested for statutory r\*pe, but like I said my GF is of legal age. She also keeps telling my GF to break up with me, and it's really getting on my nerves. Could I sue her for harassment or slander?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
rUysYpcR8jbTE7oHdT3tZTiEWELz13QK | ajkgoi | {
"description": "using someone's Hulu account",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for using someone's Hulu account? | My friend offed me free Hulu access, saying I could get tons of shows and movies for free on demand, and live TV, and save $43/mo using it. So he gave me the Email and password to a Hulu account, but I realized it wasn't his account. He told me that he sent a lady on Facebook he knew a keylogger, and managed to get her computer to send him her Hulu Email and password when she typed it in. Then he used the logged password to access her Hulu. He says she won't find out, but will she? So far I've been enjoying Hulu on my tablet at night. What trouble could I get in for using her Hulu account? I'm not effecting her so I should be OK. The lady on Facebook is 72 years old and I have her date of birth, full legal name, and some of her CC info (last 4 digits) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
IRCU0bPCEqM4rPPn8neDLoLs5r3lM0CQ | b2tc5h | {
"description": "being a hypocrite about junk food and calling my spouse fat",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For being a hypocrite about junk food and calling my spouse fat? | Cut a lot to reach 3K, hope it still makes sense. Sorry, on mobile.
So, I've seen quite a few posts by men who want their girlfriends to lose weight. They tend to end up the asshole, usually because there's some element of "lose weight to get hot." This makes me wonder if I'm also an asshole.
As long as I've known my husband, from the best friend days to the dating days to marriage, he's always had a little extra chub around his middle & thighs. We joke that with our genes combined, our children are going to have unstoppable booty.
For a year-plus now, he's been working a job that sucks the life out of him to make ends meet. A side effect (or perhaps correlative) especially over the last few months has been a bit of a ballooning in his weight. He's now currently at the heaviest he's ever been and still gaining.
He comes home with swollen ankles and feet, back pain, and he's accidentally ripped his uniform pants twice recently (they went from ill-fitting loose to ill-fitting tight). Obviously I hate how much pain he's in, and give him massages when I can, hot pads, etc.
For bonus context, I'm hitting 8 months pregnant and have also been gaining weight like it's my job. We tell each other that we're chubby pretty frequently and there's a lot of fat fondling in our relationship.
Sometimes I crave shit I shouldn't eat and will say stuff like, "I want (diabetes inducing processed food), but I'm just gonna get fatter." He'll reply with hugs and something like, "That's okay. You're my cute, chubby (embarrassing pet name) and you're pregnant. Let's get (McNasty YumYums)."
So, I get enabled almost unconditionally to have whatever I crave, but I still try to reel in my cravings so I don't actually eat shit every day. BUT when it comes to grocery shopping trips or my husband's snack cravings, I have found myself much more worried about what he's eating and will try to talk him out of certain purchases sometimes. It's not 100% black and white, but he's basically the perfect support and I'm maybe accepting 50% of the time.
Most recent example, from last night: We went out to grab donuts because I was craving donuts. As we grab that and milk, my husband asks, "Should we get ice cream too?" (This store sells lactose free ice cream in his favorite flavor.) and I immediately said, "Nah that's going overboard." (We always get enough of my craving food to share fifty-fifty.) He didn't protest and we left.
I also bring up his weight gain fairly routinely as a point of concern because of his chronic joint pains. While he doesn't seem to mind, I don't know if I'm actually just an asshole and he's got thick skin.
So, given the context, AITA?
Tl;dr: Hubs's got a booty that won't quit, getting thiccer by the day. I'm becoming a veritable baby blimp myself. We both acknowledge our mutual fatness, but only one of us tries to stop the other from eating abject shit. AITA for being a hypocrite and talking to hubs about his weight-gain related health issues? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
FH6WJ0VwaC3bspkoaw2P5c84lMIDeL9m | b8lwye | {
"description": "ignoring my friend's cry for help",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for ignoring my friend's cry for help | So for my 16th birthday we went to Wisconsin Dells (which is a water park for those who are unaware) with a small group of friends. Everything was fine but one day (stayed for the weekend) we were having fun in the hot tub chatting it up breath holding contests and all that but while we were having a nice lighthearted conversation one of my friends suddenly brings up some family problems out of nowhere (either it was a family member passing away or an argument don't remember) Now for more info on the group, we were that kind of misfit group with social problems like for me it was that I had a bit of trouble with empathy and often relied on my friends and family (or in this case Reddit) to tell me if what I did was okay. For my friend it was reading the mood of the room which you can probably gather. Anyways it got quiet for a second and then we just kind of ignored him and carried on because we enjoyed the happiness of the moment and if we stopped and talked about it the mood would've been totally killed. Had he picked the right moment to say it I'm sure all three of us would've acknowledged/talked about it. But just three seconds ago we were debating if Stewart little could beat Remy from Ratatouille in a 1v1 (not really but it was along the lines of that kind of conversation) we didn't want to stop the good time so suddenly so AMITA or in this case AWTA (are we the asshole(friends))?
note: before replying I am aware that the perfect person would always stop to talk about it but please think realistically and imagine yourself in the situation before commenting. Thank you! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
PZTgXINy4rDmKFQwIsYdXLxlA3JWC3dA | aqbuvg | {
"description": "expecting my coworkers to know my name",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for expecting my coworkers to know my name? | I started a new job on December 10th. It’s an office job in the healthcare field. I sit at a desk in a small, dark room with three other people. I’m on the phone for most of the day, but my job regularly requires me to get up and speak in person with doctors, medical assistants, and X-ray technicians. Sending emails to various people is also something I do regularly and to pretty much everyone.
In my specific office location, there are 7 people who work administrative staff (including myself), 18 doctors (usually 3-4 working in the office at one time), about 15 medical assistants, and 5 X-ray techs.
So it’s been over two months now that I’ve had regular interaction with every single person in the office. When I first came on, I had been the only new person they had hired for about a year. I consider myself pretty extroverted and introduced myself at the very beginning to every new person I met. My emails that I send to people are also signed at the bottom with my name and position.
So just the other day I’m sitting at my desk and one of the medical assistants who I literally talk to all the time comes in and hesitantly approaches me. “....what’s your name?” I tell her, and then just brush it off. A second time that same day, one of my other coworkers who I regularly even have lunch with and am constantly working alongside had to be corrected after calling me the wrong name (someone else corrected him). A third instance included a woman who legit introduced herself to me like she had just met me when I had been working with her for over a month. The doctor who obviously knows and remembers me who she works with looked at her like she was insane before just nodding at me saying, “how’s it going today?”
These are just several examples, and yet this has been happening all the time, sometimes with the same people, sometimes different. I get that they are totally innocent mistakes, but I can’t help but be annoyed by it.
I guess I kind of take pride in the fact that I’ve learned over 50 names in a short amount of time (that doesn’t include the people in our other clinic locations). I’ve always felt it’s an important thing to learn because it shows you care about that person, want to work with them, and reveals a certain level of maturity. I realize I’m also biased because I was previously a flight attendant for a major US airline for 3 years and the amount of names that you needed to learn on a daily basis was ridiculous, but helped me recognize the social importance and how it makes people feel.
Before flight attending, I had worked in the healthcare environment for 10 years at varying offices and never experienced this kind of struggle from coworkers before.
So AITA for expecting my coworkers to know my name after two months? Is this a dumb thing to be annoyed about? | HISTORICAL | {
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8ivuWFLkMAzqQe9BmvarwIUVoTjxBlQQ | aq2v03 | {
"description": "refusing to workout with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to workout with my dad? | I’m 16, baseball tryouts are in 2 weeks. My dad tried to force me to workout tonight but I refused, one reason was because of homework, and the second is, I’m gonna start running tomorrow to get some cardio and I really don’t like the workout routines my dad makes. Now he’s threatening to ground me because I refused. Am I the asshole or that just bad parenting? | HISTORICAL | {
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niclsFBcrp9Gb9JF5qTHf6Fl6Dft3Mk7 | akelnu | {
"description": "calling out my gf for not paying back any money she's borrowed",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling out my (23F) gf for not paying back any money she's borrowed? | As a rule of thumb, my dad always told me to never lend money that you received expect to see again.
Anyhow, my gf has borrowed about $1200 from me (26M) accumulated over about 4-6 months. She's paid back $250 of that about two weeks after what she initially borrowed. Of course she promised to pay me back.
That showed me that she was good on her word to make timely repayment.
However she's just stopped paying anything back and still continues to ask for money or put things on my credit
Just recently I discovered that she has her own credit card and I asked her about it and she said she doesn't ever use it out of fear that she won't be able to pay it back.
I asked how that's fair to me.
We got into an argument and she walked off because she hates taking about finances.
I pay over 90% of rent and 100% of bills. She pays for her personal leased car and our groceries. That was our agreement. But she hardly gets groceries and she insists on eating out instead... And mostly wants to have me pay unless I say anything and then it's splitting the bill.
I'm clearly being used. I summed up the borrowed money as a total loss.
I feel like I'm not the ass for calling her on not paying me back...
But maybe I get on her case too much? Maybe I should give her more time?
Maybe she should use her own credit card... | HISTORICAL | {
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Z1kJxCOzCjj07YGnRG1dggqVgjKCUJDB | amybva | null | AITA in this cycling incident - video linked in text | I always rude around town with my GoPro recording (I ride around NYC, crazy busy and dangerous), was I in the seeing here? I feel like I wasn’t, and got kicked for no reason.
https://youtu.be/GCamT_K1OF4 | HISTORICAL | {
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0kRoHHdoYtsdsdBNyjSUc0Bj2XoPyx98 | b3igce | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend if I could visit an escort",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA for asking my girlfriend if I could visit an escort? | My relationship with my girlfriend (2 years, both 22 years old) is great. One thing though. I have a huge foot fetish and she isn't into it. At all. Our sex life and life together in general is great, so I don't see it as something to break up with her over. I've thought of bringing up seeing an escort before, but would that be an asshole move? It's legal in my area, and I would just want to do foot fetish stuff, not actual sex. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
pz7gq8fM1Hai2fCPxC7g9rHRTsRj8ZYI | b4m880 | {
"description": "expecting MY BROTHER to accomodate MY sister and I when booking his wedding on a date we already have plans",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA FOR EXPECTING MY BROTHER TO ACCOMODATE MY SISTER AND I WHEN BOOKING HIS WEDDING ON A DATE WE ALREADY HAVE PLANS? | For a little background, I am in my last year of high school so performing in my last school musical, I have been cast as the main character as well as my sister having a speaking role and the dates of the production have already been set.
My brother has been engaged for a couple of months and his fiancee is pregnant with his child (she is about 4 months along).
Last week they had both messaged my families explaining they are going to book the wedding in a couple of weeks for the first month of July. This is when my school musical is taking place.
Both my sister and I messaged him explaining that the musical is something we can't miss especially on such short notice. He replied with ’What will be, will be’
The next time we saw him he told us we had to choose between the musical or his wedding, which he has not even booked yet.
After this we (my sister and I) messaged them explaining how we were upset that they aren't taking our dates into consideration when booking the wedding.
They then told us that it was their wedding and they aren't going to accommodate peoples plans. They told us we were being immature and to stop bitching because they want to have their wedding before their baby is born.
My sister and I have told them that we do want to go celebrate their wedding with them but cannot ruin the musical for everyone else.
Am I the asshole for expecting my brother to accommodate me?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
2twFuRGXXnhWvQrWzx7G3Yv1EyuQaPqJ | ba58dv | {
"description": "being upset and having a few beers with my buddies",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset and having a few beers with my buddies | So burner account. I was denied my time with my daughter this weekend by her mom and there is more I can go into about but basically that's what upset me as it's court ordered and I have not idea where they are do there isn't much I can do about it atm.
That all aside I told my gf (25f) that I (24m) was going to a friend's house to have a few drinks with friend and my brother. She refused to come support me because I was having some beer to cope. Now I only had 3 and half I don't really enjoy being trashed. But she then text yelled at me in the morning like 10:30 this morning saying that she isn't gonna wait around for me all day and she won't support my horrible coping habits (I do not drink all the time though it's a big problem for her even if it's just a couple and I thought we mostly worked that out.)
Anyway I think she should've just supported me instead of even the next day just being mad at me still and kinda making it about her and how she's not gonna wait around all day for me to text her (again 10:30am is how long she waited) she is gonna do whatever the fuck she wants when she wants today and she will contact me whenever she feels like it because I in her words obviously don't need her very much. Don't know how that's obvious but AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Opd1kJaoTwNiHUDa4eKpF2XnMHQ2NHei | ajyock | {
"description": "wanting my husband to shut up for a while every day",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my husband to shut up for a while every day? | My husband and I have been married 10 years and have four kids. I love the whole lot of em, but I'm a stay at home parent and therefore from the minute I crack my eyes open in the morning, someone is talking to me. Much of which is essentially monologuing, not a real conversation.
In the evenings, my husband talks almost non-stop, too. It generally isn't a conversation, but just endless information, facts, anecdotes (most of which he's already told me) and so on. We have real conversations via messenger while he's at work, but at home he essentially does what the kids do: talk and talk while I listen and interject a 'yeah' here and there. Mostly stuff he knows I don't find particularly interesting, but I'm not an asshole in that I know he has a lot of shit to say so I'll pay attention, even if it isn't engaging. If I am in another room, he'll come talk to me there.
But by the end of the day, I'm just all done being talked to, or rather, *at*. I don't need all night, but I would love even half an hour of quiet. No talking, no interrupting whatever I'm doing. Just quiet. I just went to bed ahead of him because he talked from 7pm to 1:30 am pretty much non-stop and I just needed to not have chatter going on.
AITA for basically hitting a "shut up please" limit with my partner? WIBTA if I flat out told him I need to just be left alone at least a half hour per day? | HISTORICAL | {
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hVg7rX5RaL9XY62IF3UqPDwZT7O1MkLl | arl1bk | {
"description": "using a Stock Photo to sell something on FB Marketplace",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA For Using A Stock Photo To Sell Something On FB Marketplace? | Context: 2 years ago I threw my best friend an Alice In Wonderland themed bridal shower. I spent a lot of time and money going around to thrift stores and estate sales, purchasing mismatched teacups/ saucers. We let the guests each take a cup home but we had about 15 left over. We had the bridal shower at my parents house and once it was done I wrapped all the leftover cups up, and stored them in their attic.
Flash forward to yesterday, I am at their house and stumble upon the box and decide to sell them on Facebook. I was too lazy and busy to unwrap each one to photograph and then rewrap them, so I used the most obvious stock photo from google. One thing to note is that I had about 15 cups and saucers, and a handful of unmatched cups. The stock picture I used had EASILY 45 in it and it was even a little bit blurred. In my opinion, it was clear that this picture came from the internet.
Anyways, because of my laziness and in the interest of selling quickly I posted them as a lot for $25 CAD (I spent at least $3 / cup and $2 / saucer originally) and got a ton of interest. Probably 15 messages within 10 minutes. My post said “no holds, first to show up gets them”.
Most people were annoying (asking to have them unwrapped and photographed, making complicated photo requests, asking me to drive to drop them off to them, etc) or asking me to hold them for multiple days but this delightful lady messages me saying she is heading there right now and can I hold them for 1.5 hours? She seemed nice so I obliged.
When she showed up, I unwrapped one of the cups, stated that I couldn’t be bothered to unwrap them all but if she wants to she can. I believe I said that was part of the reason I was selling them for so cheap. I know I said “if you want to look through them, to make sure you like them, it won’t hurt my feelings. I honestly don’t even remember what they look like at this point”
She said no, that she trusted me (seemed like a weird thing to say, but ah well) paid me, and left.
Then I get an angry message this morning at 430am saying how she is disappointed that I seemed so trustworthy and ended up being dishonest. She goes on to say that the cups were not the same ones in the picture and that “in fact, NONE of the cups in the picture were in the set”.
I said that I’m sorry she feels disappointed, that I wasn’t trying to be dishonest and that I thought it was clear that the picture was taken from the internet. I told her I’d be happy to give her the money back if she wants to return the cups to me (I had a lot of genuine interest while I was waiting for her to arrive). I had no interest in having this be a big deal and thought that I was being more than fair, considering the chance I gave her to look through them and the fact that I held it for her despite the post saying i wouldn’t.
Well, she seems to expect me to drive an hour and a half outside of the city to give her back her money and take the cups back. I explain to her that I don’t have a car and work full time, and that is just not going to be possible.
To be fair, I don’t think I ever explicitly stated that the image was taken from the internet. I thought it was obvious but I guess not to everyone. But I gave her the opportunity to go through them when she arrived and she didn’t take the opportunity. And at the end of the day, she got them at less than half the price that they can be sold for.
AITA for not going out of my way to fix this? | HISTORICAL | {
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On14Q1AxeL4HpFSBNec2u2Zm3TO2JdOk | adkqup | {
"description": "cutting contact with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I cut contact with my parents? | I have always kind of suspected my parents weren't the best parents. I gave them the benefit of the doubt because they had 4 kids before age 26 so things were hard financially (then again it's entirely there own decision to have 4 kids they couldn't provide for). I just recently had a child born in November and I have been ruminating a lot over my own upbringing.
​
The Good:
We weren't homeless, starving or unclothed. I was able to hang out with friends and maintain relationships.
​
The Bad:
Physical abuse both my parents beat me pretty much weekly until I was 15 and moved out. My beatings were for small things like I didn't do the dishes or I was out late with friends. They would even drive around the city and find me at the park and drag me home for no reason other than it was too late; embarrassing me in front of my friends multiple times and making things awkward. I didn't do drugs, didn't skip school, didn't do anything illegal. They would put me down whenever I would try things my mom was born in Italy and I tried learning italian and showed her my progress but she told me my italian sucked. Whenever I tried learning anything frankly they shot me down and said it wasn't good. (tried learning piano for another example). They had no money for travelling, gifts, sports. I couldn't go on any school trips because they cost money, I couldn't play sports because it cost money, I wasn't given any tech toys like video games. Me and my sister decided to get a paper route because we wanted to have money to do things my sister wanted to do figure skating and was saving up for skates. I was 10 she was 11 and neither of us were old enough to understand finances, bank accounts, any of that so we asked our parents to open an account for us to deposit our money in. We worked for 1 year and my sister was doing calculations of how much we made and when she had enough for her skates she went to the bank at 12 and asked to withdraw the money but it turns out our parents never made an account for us and it was all a charade. the money was going to my parents to pay for their smokes or whatever else. My sister never got her figure skates and it wasn't until she was in University did she get to learn. We quit the paper route when we found out about this and talking to my sister recently now 20 years later she still feels sad about it. When I moved out at 15 I was on welfare, renting a room and finishing high school. I received no financial assistance from my parents ever. I had braces when I moved out and when I went to get them off I found out my parents never made a single payment and I was stuck with a $4,000 bill at aged 16 a hole that took me until 21 to climb out of. I luckily got into the #1 university in my country and did well and have a well paying job and will raise my child better than my parents ever did.
Would it be awful of me to cut them out of my life for the way I was raised? I see my own child now and it really makes me so angry thinking of the things my parents did to me and I could never do that to my own child. I felt this way for a long time but it wasn't until my child was born did it really sink in how bad my parents were.
​
​
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 25,
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"RIGHT": 25,
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iuEFDO2mKteqnK4TQhAhIitjeci8ZWOw | b9zlaf | {
"description": "not allowing my children to eat junk food, watch tv, or play video games",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 40
} | AITA for not allowing my children to eat junk food, watch tv, or play video games? | I have two children a 7 year old son and a 9 year old girl. We don’t allow our children to eat junk food, they will sometimes have it if they go to a friends house or on special occasions like Christmas, but we have zero junk food in our house normally. They sometimes beg me to buy it but normally they’re fine with what they have. We also don’t allow them to watch tv. We do allow them to watch an age appropriate movie at the weekend. And we don’t allow video games because I find absolutely nothing educational about them. Son has started asking to play but we’ve just said no.
Both our children are happy most the time, they do lots of extracurricular activities, sport/theatre stuff, we teach them how to cook, we play games, we read, they go out on their bikes, play with our dog, listen to music, learn life skills. Both of them are top of their class at school and we are always complimented on how polite and well behaved our children are.
Sometimes I feel I’m being a little bit harsh on them by restricting them from this stuff, but I also think this stuff is addictive and poisons their minds. Other family members and friends have told us we are way too strict, but Our kids know far more actual life skills than their peers. So AITA for the way I raise my children? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 40,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 40
} | WRONG |
GYJ5STfZ1DmLOkA5bT47nLnipiy2vGr3 | b0fbpu | {
"description": "never tipping",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA if I never tip? | I don’t have much money right now so when I eat at restaurants with my friends I don’t tip. I’m already paying for the food, the restaurant doesn’t need any more of my money. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
fkz0bjulP2H4KEKbar7Ctka7h3nEflBX | aidaqu | {
"description": "taking the parking spot a lady was standing in",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for taking the parking spot a lady was standing in? | I (38F) was driving around with my husband (37M), looking for parallel parking in a busy area of town. I saw a parking spot that a lady (45ishF) was standing in. She's a human, not a car, so I start backing into the spot. She kind of waves at me like I didn't see her, but she moves out of the way.
As I open my door to get out, she comes to my door yelling at me that I'm rude. Because she's already yelling, I yell back that she's the rude one because she was standing in a spot meant for cars in a busy area.
Then, the person she was saving the spot for came around in their car and was blocking traffic (there were two lanes, one going in each direction) because she was yelling at me instead of getting in the car. She told me that I almost hit her with my car. I feel like (and I didn't say this out loud) I didn't hit her because she moved out of the way. If she didn't move I wouldn't have backed in.
I start walking to my destination and she is still standing in the lane beside her car yelling at me. Before she gets in the car, she calls me a gorilla. The only thing I have called her during the yelling is rude. And also that she's not a car so she can't park in a spot.
My husband and I go on our way, then after getting what we were in the area for we head back to our car. I pass the lady again on the sidewalk with her companion (maybe her dad?). I want to ignore her but she sees me and says, "Oh, god." Then stands there yelling at me again that I'm rude and she's going to call the police because I almost hit her. The person she's with called me a bitch. I was very careful not to swear because I'm not sure if that counts as verbal assault or what. He yells at me sarcastically, "Your parents must be so proud of you!" And I was like, "Actually, my mom is!" He also said something to along the lines of, "She's proud of you for swearing and calling people names?" I say, "I never swore! And this woman called me a gorilla!"
The man accuses my husband of calling him an asshole. Which I didn't hear but my husband admits it, and my husband also told them to "get the fuck out of here" because the man had called me a name, which I also didn't hear amid all the yelling. The old man (and I admit I laughed at this a little inside) said, "I never called her a gorilla, I called her a bitch!" I said again that it was the woman called me a gorilla.
The woman threatens to call the police and I said, "Please do!" Because I feel like how can you argue that a person is a car? And parking spots are for cars? Also, I didn't hit her?
AITA for not driving on and just giving her the parking spot? Is that by default an A-hole move? Because she was so angry it makes me question it. Is there an unspoken code for drivers that if someone is standing in a parking spot, just move on? I argued back because she yelled first. I've been conflicted about this since it happened. When I saw he was older, I felt kinda bad. I just want to add that I feel like if she had said to me civilly, instead of coming at me yelling, "My dad is an older dude, is it okay if we take this spot" I would have moved.
I did look up afterwards to see if it's legal in my town for people to hold parking spots. And in a nutshell, it's not, but also don't hit people with cars. Which I didn't. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
FGX67ep66n7I0Gf3VL6au0oIq0cyyhG5 | aztq4m | {
"description": "being introverted and having a abusive father",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being introverted and having a abusive father? | I am 23 currently live with my GF, her mom, her brother, and every other week I have my son. I moved into their house to get myself and my son away from my abusive father. I was unable to sleep or relax while living with him, and I wasn't financially or mentally ready to live on my own yet. About 2 weeks after we moved my dad was arrested for domestic violence after dragging his GF at the time across the house by her hair. Needless to say we had to get out of there.
After moving in with my GF and her family I had occasional run-ins with her brother and her mother, one main issue they have is I am a naturally introverted person, and they are generally the opposite. They now look at things I do like going and relaxing in my room after work, quietly enjoying a movie, and generally keeping to myself as if I'm purposefully trying to be an ass.
As I have explained everytime this comes up I've dealt with extreme social anxiety my whole life and I have a hard time trusting people. My father made me feel like I did not belong, my ideas were not helpful, and I was a mistake. I have spent my adult life trying to get over these issues I have but it has not been easy. Her mom and brother claim they understand this but continue to talk negatively to my GF about it behind my back. But this isnt even the biggest issue..
Now, after 2 years of living with them I am branded as a total asshole for things I feel i have no control over, nothing I do is right in the eyes of my GF's mom and brother.
Ex. One night my son wakes up and his tooth was hurting, he went to my GF's mom first after getting up as she's up early in the morning usually around 2AM. She comes in freaking out and tells us he needs to go the hospital. I said it would be better to give him children's Tylonal and make a dentist app. She starts to get upset and say I don't care about my son. 3 hours of sitting in the ER and a 200$ copay later resulted in the doc telling me to give him pain meds and take him to the dentist.. I was upset. Nxt day her mom noticed I was upset and proceeded to yell at my GF. Her brother joins and both were yelling at her after she had just stepped out of the shower with nothing but a towel on. I hear it and try to defend her cuz things sound like they are getting out of control and she has told me her brother has shoved her before. I go in and they just get more upset and tell us to leave. Her mom says I threatened her by the way I was leaning up against the door (I was simply leaning with my ankles crossed) and that I will abuse her daughter and our future kids because my dad abused my family.
The truth is I have always been over critical with myself because I couldn't live knowing I hurt people the way my dad has. I would never hurt my family. I've never even been in a fight or thrown a punch let alone thought about hurting someone I love.
Thx for reading, my GF and I are working in moving out now, am I the asshole here | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
x8Jv5jCIB1K7iGH212JT01mDktk603pw | a6ib78 | {
"description": "appealing a grade on a paper, but changing the paper for the second professor",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA for appealing a grade on a paper, but changing the paper for the second professor? | Sorry for the long post but tl;dr near the bottom.
I enrolled in a project course at my college back in May. The timeframe is flexible: you decide with your professor how long the course should be (up to 1 year), and that determines how much work must be in it, how harsh it's marked, etc. It's expected to at least be graduate level quality. I decided with my professor I only wanted to devote four months to it, as it corresponded to the spring/summer months and if it were longer, my other courses would interfere with it.
Part of these courses is you go in with a project proposal, it's accepted or declined, and if it's accepted, you do only what you defined in your proposal. To make it more manageable, you can define due dates for portions of the project and a proposed marking scheme. Everything was accepted and off I went.
Over the months and after updating my professor with my progress, demonstrating my work, and discussion meetings with him, he kept asking for more and more. He loved my work but thought I could make so and so adjustments to my proposal and implement them. I was keen on the idea as it could mean better marks. If he liked my work, surely encompassing even more would be better? He continually told me to not worry about the due dates so much and instead focus on adding abc or xyz to my project and just updating him with the progress.
I took his advice. I missed deadlines by weeks. It got to the point where the final due date approached and he told me again and again don't worry about it, just keep working. It worried me because I was soon starting a full courseload but still kept going anyways. It became difficult to manage what is basically a mini-thesis alongside a 15hr/week schedule of lectures and labs, but since I was assured to not worry about deadlines (I assumed my 4 months would end up being 8-10 months), I spread things out a bit.
On November 1st, I was abruptly told through e-mail that I have exactly two weeks to submit everything. At this point, my project was completely different from what I originally planned to do, and I wasn't finished. I mean, I finished what I set out to do originally but not the added stuff my professor convinced me to do. I had to rush things and admittedly submitted subpar work to my standards. In my summary paper, it was clear things were in disarray but I had a time frame all of a sudden when previously I didn't.
I ended up getting a 20%, not only failing but killing my GPA. I was told it had "no academic merit" and he was "embarrassed" to be part of it. He said he would never work with me again. How much this hurt me was indescribable: he was my favorite professor, an inspiring force in previous classes I had with him, and we were on a first name basis to top it off. He never replied to my e-mails.
#tl;dr
Signed up for a 4-month course with my favorite professor. He told me to not worry about the 4-months and take as much time as I need to add things to my project not originally in the project scope. I did my best until was abruptly told to hand it in and I submitted poor work. I failed.
#end tl;dr
WIBTA if I appealed his grade? Normal procedure is to hand in material verbatim, but since I got my mark, I've still been working on the project, even knowing I've failed. What I would have considered 55-60% grade material back then I firmly believe is 80-90% material. If I appealed, I would obviously hand in my revised work. The supervising professor left the country for sabbatical and would otherwise be unable to verify the same work was handed in. He's going to look bad and cannot defend himself.
Even if I was caught handing in different work, I have a strong case I think for a re-evaluation:
- I have documented proof of him stating to not worry about deadlines
- likewise I have proof of him expressing desire for project expansion, which AFAIK is allowed but should warrant extensions
- and I have proof he looked at my source code but I didn't even submit it. He marked strictly off my report | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
tKljsHYNr5pXoUhLZBZ80MG3QzeT8Js4 | ar3jt7 | {
"description": "setting off a road rage situation",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for setting off a road rage situation? | I had a bad day at work and set home just as rush hour was starting. Before i started out, i put on my "stress relief" playlist and started singing to the steering wheel at the top of my lungs.
When i leave work there is a intersection where if you don't get to the light, you will be stuck waiting an additional long light cycle to get out. So i admit i was rushing a little to get out. I was likely following the guy in front of me closely trying to ensure that i didn't miss the light if it changed.
By the time i made it to the light, the light was still red and my playlist lulled into instrumental. But the driver in front of me suddenly jumped out of the driver seat, walk up beside his car, and started gesturing heavily toward the light. I turned down my music and could hear him shouting "Can you not see the light is RED! It's a damn red light!"
I did nothing but tell him from my closed car to go on. So after some additional gesturing he walked back to his car, capped off my bad day, and i went home to have a cry.
But i'm stuck feeling, am I the asshole for trying to make a light while singing from my car? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
Q03mjW8Ftp3V052d723aIwhMAnHuNNyJ | b9qnds | null | AITA For where I parked to get coffee | This morning I stopped off to grab some coffee like I do every day. It's raining pretty hard so I try to park as close to the door as possible. My lucky day! There's a parking spot right by the door. I pull in to the spot, but it's tight (I'm driving a minivan). The reason it's so tight is because some guy pulled his pickup into the handicap loading zone on my left (Not a handicap spot, but the blue striped area that allows for wheelchair loading/unloading next to a handicap spot) and his backend is spilling in to my spot - which was a legitimate, standard parking spot. I'm parked on top of the line to my right.
I run in and grab my coffee - I'm in the store maybe 5 minutes. I come back out and another guy is just mean-mugging me. Staring daggers. He's under cover so he's not getting wet. I'm wondering why he looks like he wants to kill me. I get settled in my van and I look to my right and I realize that I'm pretty close to this guy's truck - close enough that he can't get in. After I realized what was up, I quickly left. I felt guilty because of how angry he looked, but I was in and out in less than 5 minutes. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
KNm0w0pvOwFDHsg0XsT7pohimqnftpzF | alidtg | {
"description": "blocking my friend for sending an unsolicited dick pic",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for blocking my friend for sending an unsolicited dick pic? [NSFW] | So, I want to keep this short. I met this guy last semester and hit it off. We were in a relationship with for a few weeks till we ended things on okay terms. It was tough at first emotionally but a bit later I proposed we be FWBs. He disagreed saying the emotions are too raw.
Few weeks later he said hes up to be FWB. We sext some but it was nothing to write home about. During this time he sent me two spontaneous dick pics out of nowhere. The first time was annoying. The second time was to be funny so I told him warn me next time and got over it. Third time I was livid. I told him if it happens again I'll block his number and that despite it being my idea originally I no longer want any type of sexual relationship with him.
Here's where things get a bit complicated. We were still good friends while all of this happened, texted everyday and kept eachother close. I think I'm of partial blame now because last night I broke the plan to keep things platonic and asked how he'd feel about getting a surprise sexy photo. He was all for it and we were sexting like old times. I asked for a pic and he said hes scared to after my threat from last time. I told him it's different because I'm asking. We ended up getting interrupted so I never got the photo although it was no big deal.
Come to today he said he had fun last night and I apologized for going against the platonic understanding. He laughed it off and were texting as usual. Then, out of the blue he sent me a dick pic. I asked what did he send me. He said a pic of his dick poking out of his pants. I asked him wtf and he said its fine no one saw him take it. Totally misunderstanding the point of my annoyance.
So I responded in disappointment that I thought the warning of being blocked would be enough for him to know better and for him not to text me anymore. He rolled his eyes and only replied with a text saying 'Bye'.
AITA for sending mixed signals? I feel like I made it clear on multiple occasions not to send me unsolicited pics but by also flirting with him would that be giving the wrong expectation? I'm so bothered because me and him have been in touch for so long I feel like maybe I'm being harsh. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
htDPy9b1u5fSB005rwqm9hK5dGRV9aiq | a33fus | {
"description": "calling someone out",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling someone out | So i was in the gym today on the stepper when this girl comes by next to me. She cant start the other stepper so she just starts banging on it, which is superrr annoying. So i said can you please stop banging on that?! Then she gives me a dirty look and I told her its disrespectful.
Later she ended up finding my keys and when she gave it to me asked me not to yell at her over nothing.
Idk it just seems wrong to do that but i wanna know if i was the asshole for calling her out | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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