id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
yoJD01gdcD7e9BIrLb3zCeUmQ0W5LIlP | ah3ysw | {
"description": "being disappointed with my girlfriend offering sex as a birthday present",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for being disappointed with my girlfriend offering sex as a birthday present | Me (19/m) and my girlfriend (21/f) have been together for nearly a year now. Before our relationship I have been in one relationship and had handful of one-night stand, where has my girlfriend has been in none and is a virgin. She told me at the start of the relationship that she wants to wait for the right person and the right moment to lose her virginity and throughout the whole relationship the lack of sex has never bothered me because I didn’t want to pressure her into anything that was uncomfortable for her.
About a month ago it was my girlfriends 21st birthday and for it I bought her pretty expensive (for a student) jewellery (that she told me she was saving up for at the start of the relationship).
It was my birthday 2 days ago and for my birthday present she told me she was giving me her virginity. I was pretty disappointed by this as my gift was pretty expensive, thoughtful and had emotional value as it was something she wanted for ages. I always thought sex was mutual thing between people and not something that one person owns and gives to other person. I felt she was just taking the easy way and didn’t put any effort into the present, so I declined by saying I am not feeling it right now. We spent the rest of the day with my friends at party they organized for me. She was pretty unenthusiastic for the rest of the day and yesterday neither of us made any effort to talk over the phone or by text.
Am I in the wrong and apologize? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
wVTpPkI5TKpJWT5BSFcBeOxZ0nwWCQxA | agk3i6 | {
"description": "not applying to rehire for my old job",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not applying to rehire for my old job? | 3 years ago when I was fresh out of college I was walking around the city trying to find a job (back then, I never considered applying through online). After 3 months, still unemployed, my father wanted to hire me in the box company (where he worked at for over 38 years) before he retired. He was the manager of the operations department, I agreed because why not, no one was hiring me in the first place, and I wanted to be "not a burden" anymore, financially.
​
As it turns out and it was obvious from the start that he pulled some strings just so that I could be hired, when he was still in the company, everyone was nice to me at first (I believe I was nice to all of colleagues in return - this was my first job - I was very enthusiastic and naive about the company). After 4 months being employed, he retired, then everyone started to act weird. I was trying to have a clean record so I didn't do gambling inside the company (my colleagues did, but I would never snitch about it because they're my friends after all), I finished doing my job first and then convinced my boss to let me use my personal laptop and showed him that I could make an app that showed a summary of our department's progress and he agreed (but everyone else just wanted to play poker and the boss didn't like gambling), and somehow my colleagues found out what my net salary was and said that it was unfair (I was single with no children, not a big spender, and never needed to acquire debt - they took loans from the company that's why they had less, and we were payed equally for our jobs to begin with). I found out that they hated my father, but there was nothing they could do to him since he was retired, so they had to takeout their frustration on to me. We had our fights, we tried to make peace but deep inside me I felt scared of being bullied (I know that they can just yell at me that I have a job thanks to my father, but he said that "I deserve to have my son to have a job there, that's why you should take my place").
I thought we were all friends but I don't know, may be we still are, but it's just that things are still awkward. After working for the company for 1 year and 4 months I decided to not apply to be rehired (why this odd amount of work experience?, because the company had this loophole policy against asian laws "that if the employee was hired for 6 months or more they should become a regular", what they did was they hired me for 5.5 months, and I applied 3 times, and I decided that the 3rd time was my last because I truly believe that there was no chance into becoming a regular employee - I asked a friend from the labor union, but they just said that "it was your fault for agreeing to work for 5.5 months" - hence, the loophole worked and the government just tolerated it).
6 months later I found a new job as a public worker, but it wasn't something related to my course and I feel okay about it now since this time "no strings were pulled", but my father didn't like the job because my rank was just low with little potential to be promoted. He angrily told me that if I only discarded my pride I would've became the manager that would've replaced him or even higher (I was never the type to share my feelings, so may be he thought "that I was being pompous about not applying for rehire just because my former colleague hurt my feelings"). I found out that my father became a regular after 15 years working there, although he became a supervisor for the next 20 years, and became a manager for the last 3 years before retiring. He said I was lucky that I had a choice and that I would've never had to go through what he went through. He also shared how when his former bosses treated him like dirt he would've just sucked it up with his colleagues and friends (I really wanted to talk back at him for that, since I believe that he was lucky that his friends were there with him, in my case, rather than the boss, it was my colleagues that wanted to fight me, and my former boss would not want to get involve with that - I know that he only wanted what was best for me, but I can't just talk to him properly when he was too emotional).
Right now, I found out that he was trying to pull some strings again in that box company, he told me "since you're just so impatient about becoming a regular, if you worked there again after a year, you would become one, and with a bigger salary than the job you have now".
Am I an Asshole:
for not sucking it up,
for not telling my father the truth (since I told him that the reason for not applying to rehire was that being a public worker was better compared to working for a private company - thinking back then, I guess it was obvious that I left because of my colleagues),
for not applying to rehire at the box company again since the offer really is better compared to my job now (but the same people are still there, and it's going to be the same reason again why I would be there - the company had the policy to hire relatives of employees in the first place, in a stoic world view of it, it's really not unfair, but I know that people would definitely think that it is especially if they didn't know what my father did for the company with little pay from the start.),
or all of the above (any answer is fine, I am committed to not go back to that box company ever again). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AIqCOvp1EiPgapGtR2UAGOmsFNDL4KrD | b7c2sf | {
"description": "reporting my family members to the IRS",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | WIBTA for reporting my family members to the IRS? | My family used to be large and close, until quite a few members died. Although we all try our best to stay close, naturally it became difficult. But my one aunt and uncle in particular have been horrible.
Without going into too much of a backstory, a huge fight broke out between my one aunt (C), my mom (M), and my other aunt and her husband (P & R) about a hefty loan that C gave P and R to start a business 10 years ago. P and R claim it was a gift, called us all greedy for thinking it should be paid back at all, paid it back, and proceeded to start a different shit storm about my dead grandparents estate. Then, they threatened to file a restraining order against some of the family for (pretty nicely and not too often) attempting to contact them to reconcile after some VERY horrible emails from P and R. We have all been pretty nice to them in spite of some horrible things they said about us regarding our relationships with our dead relatives.
So we've cut off all contact. I grew up with P and R and their children, spent every holiday, vacations, and just hang out time with them. This sucks, but they refuse to attempt any kind of counseling or reconciliation, and have instead escalated this into a baseless legal battle.
In their business, R BRAGGED about how he commits light tax fraud by writing off things that are not business related, uses other people's receipts he finds on the ground to write off, and even has written off entire vacations because he went into one store that related to his business and purchased an item. He paid me cash under the table when I worked for him from ages 14-16. He has never been quiet about these things.
My question, is WIBTA if I reported P and R to the IRS in hopes they get audited? It comes purely from a want for revenge for the shit storm they have caused and them wanting to attack us with the legal system, but it's not like what I'd be reporting isnt true. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 14
} | RIGHT |
XSE5MOBtBiCOtgZJaLOXXVOI51qmdCyX | ayxggi | {
"description": "being frustrated with my roommate who can't give me a straight answer about when to pay the Comcast bill",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being frustrated with my roommate who can't give me a straight answer about when to pay the Comcast bill? | She claims that her son is going to pay it possibly but the thing about her son is that he goes into depressive episodes and will disappear for weeks or months at a time. She claims that he said he would help with her Comcast bill. Personally, if it was in my name I would just have the service shut off because $184 a month is outrageous. I can think of much better things to spend $184 a month on.
She said that if he doesn't pay it that we will go halfsies on it but she is not too good about paying her bills on time either. I have a business to run which requires internet to be able to stay in contact with customers. It's due to be shut off next Thursday and I'm trying to figure out whether or not I should just go ahead and pay it. She's telling me to wait till Tuesday to see if he's going to pay it. She just got off the phone with him and no mention was made of this and he may or may not call her back.
It would be nice if he would pay it but I'm starting to get frustrated because I need to know if I need to just pay it and I'm getting tired of the games. She said he may call her back tonight but that may not happen. I don't understand why she won't just ask him straight out if he can pay it or not. Am I the asshole for being frustrated because I can't get a straight answer about this?
I'm about ready to just go pay it so that way I don't have to think about it anymore but she's telling me not to and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose customers because she was irresponsible and let her son drag his feet instead of finding out if he could do it. I'm just tired of her telling me to wait to pay it. If I do that then I may lose out on business. I'm super pissed. I'm tired of this stressing me out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CZSU0n23m0CO5KQzRpgUVVx5W16jLO9Y | b0qn3u | {
"description": "refusing to contribute to a bridal shower",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for refusing to contribute to a bridal shower | I was asked to be part of a wedding party for a close friend who lives on the other side of the country (I obviously said yes). I was informed a few days ago the bridal party is contributing (financially) to the bridal shower which location has already been picked and date. I told the bridal party I am not contributing due to the fact that they selected the date and venue without having any say in the matter. I cannot make the party at the date it is and flights are very expensive due to the lack of planning on the Maid of honors side (party is in a month and a half). I was not even informed the bridesmaids were hosting until a week ago. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
cvdbxxxU1kh2ZPYGtUZvrPVmVvKnpkYM | b97mrp | {
"description": "sending this text to my entire family, and following through with it",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I send this text to my entire family, and follow through with it? | Context: My family have 2 dogs and one cat. My family enjoys doing favors for other families so much that we have a dog, called Hunter, over frequently, and he constantly tries to harm the family cat. He comes from a well-to-do family that can afford a very nice kennel for 3 days easily. We had to put the cat on Prozac, an antidepressant, to keep her from peeing on the couches. That didn't work. This has been an ongoing issue for 2 or more years. I have made it perfectly clear that Hunter is the issue, and not the cat, as getting rid of Hunter is the only solution not yet tried. Yes, we do refer to our cat as "the cat".
The actual text:
DRUGGING THE CAT DOESN'T SOLVE THE ISSUE OF A PREDATOR CONSTANTLY TRACKING THE CAT DOWN TO KILL IT FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT.
Hunter is to never be allowed back in this house after this session of cat torture. We MUST accept the fact that the SAFETY of our own pets should come before the COMFORT of other people's pets. It is simply too risky to continue housing Hunter, or any dog that attacks cats, while we have a cat.
My course of action:
I will tell the owner of Hunter the following:
We are not a kennel. Hunter is truly more than just a mere burden, and he is never to return to this household under any circumstances, due to his threat to the life of the cat that lives here.
End of text. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
J5FPQUaGaQe9ZQhKBT7GxJxm73B7M8Zp | anrui5 | {
"description": "not wanting my dad at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my dad at my wedding |
I'm only 16, but I am thinking of my wedding as most teens do. I've been told by my mother, brother, and his girlfriend that my father should be invited and come to my wedding.
But I really don't want him to. First off, he's married to a woman who emotionally abused me and my brother until both of us moved out. He moved out at 18 I moved out at 14. I still have some problems mentally because of the abuse (excessive apologizing, anxiety, depression) and despite what she's put both me and my brother through, he's still with her.
Besides that, I'm trans. Ftm. If I get married, I want to have already had my top surgery and started T (testosterone.) My dad has told me to my face that if I came out as trans he'd kill me himself.
I have no doubt he would do it. If I invite him I put my life on the line, but since I'm not out to family I can't talk about why I don't want him There.
Honestly, he and I have never had a good relationship, even before my step mom. He has anger issues, and is just an all around ass hole. I don't want him at my wedding, at all.
Am i the ass hole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xg95ctxaYHuCve3m0tQUhlETDBY0NARx | aozvpt | {
"description": "arguing over a parking spot",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for arguing over a parking spot? | Didn't want to use my main cause family knows my user.
Let me start this off like something off of /r/relationships.
I (22m) recently moved back in with my father (54) to try and save money to leave again soon. My father recently got engaged and us 2 moved into a bigger house with my father's fiance (54f) and daughter (18f). I live in the northern midwest, aka Minnesnowta. We only have 2 garage spots open, one for my soon-to-be stepmother and one to share between my step-sister and I.
We agreed Saturdays would be the day we switch off every week as Minnesota's weather can really affect our cars, as we both have older model vehicles. We also agreed that if either of us were gone for any extended amount of time, the other was free to use it.
She likes to visit the other half of her family mostly during her week for a few days so I get to use the garage more often than not. I do however give it up when she comes back, and when my week is done as well. However, she either doesn't know or doesn't care what day she's supposed to vacate the spot, and normally if it was even like 20 above outside, I wouldn't mind staying out but we've hit cold snaps quite frequently this winter. My car has taken quite the beating, and if I'm move out soon, I can't afford an extraneous repair bill or worse.
I took this up with the father after he came to me saying he thought it was Sunday, which led to our normal conversation turning into a fight. He thinks I shouldn't be complaining for generally having more time with the garage but I think of it more as a lack of respect/not following the rules and amongst many other things, even this simple thing is straining my father and I's relationship
AITA here, Reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
PVhsbG46wBejoqcNhmuQfUaGEkloYPxj | at19qh | {
"description": "asking my ex if she had feelings for me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my ex if she had feelings for me? | In August last year, I ended m relationship with my ex because of the distance and the fact that neither of us were putting in the effort to make it work. Since then, we have remained friends, but rarely talk to each other. One thing we used to do regularly, when we were dating, was call each online, and talk throughout the night, until either of us went to bed.
Recently, I texted her to ask about an picture she had posted on her story about a dog. From there, we started talking again, during our conversation, she randomly brought up the app we used to talk online, discord. I took this as her wanting to talk, which I thought would be fun, so I said that we should chat sometime. So we both got online and talked for about 3-4 hours, until I went to bed. The whole chat reminded me of the way she had been when we were dating, and the way I felt when we were dating. So, I wanted to know if she still had feelings for me. So I texted her a day later asking:
"This might seem like an odd question, but do you still have feelings for me?"
She opened it, and has not responded for the past week. I even sent a follow up question that she hasn't even opened.
Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XHQe7g6uL2SV6vhOuvDzMNl0SptmjaNV | agntl6 | {
"description": "talking to girls",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for talking to girls? | Continuation from my last post I made.
During the time she did this I was really down, and I have many friends from across the world, I love learning languages and travelling, admittedly I got flirtatious, such as saying "Hey beautiful" to a reply, but nothing more. Just random compliments then months of not talking.
My girlfriend came to visit me for Christmas, I paid for her flight to Europe and a flight to another country so we can spend time together. She found my instagram messages and she said I betrayed her, that its tantamount to sleeping with someone. To fix this I even got my mother to help her, the night before she tried killing herself by breaking a glass because she lost me. I said it was just a message or two to people I never met, after she tested me for rape and would hurt me, there was time I just wanted something nice.
Is it tantamount to cheating or betraying her, or even the same as sleeping with them? Am I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
jRN2HLEfNrf31OHNQDNWJ82Yz1gUeiw1 | azp6f7 | null | AITA Customer Wearing A Barcode | I was at work yesterday and a customer came through my register. I finished scanning his items when I look up and notice the jacket he is wearing has a barcode and price tag hanging on it. So I ask him if he wants to buy the jacket. He immediately gets offended and gives me this look like I'm being racist (note: this guy is black and I am white). "No, I brought this jacket in with me." I was already having a bad day at the time and I didn't want to fight with him. So I just took his money and after he snatches his receipt from me I said, "Good luck getting passed the security guards." Was I being an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BYwPhgR6KG0006UAwzHPI60kTkhkXH7e | b35ism | {
"description": "being creeped out by my mom checking my location",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being creeped out by my mom checking my location? | This happened a few months ago but I'm still curious about it. My parents installed an app on my (16m) phone that, among other things, let them see my location. I should note that I've never snuck out of the house or anything like that. I grudgingly agreed to it. After a while, my mom started checking my location often, when she could have just texted me instead. For example, she would text me things like "I saw you're on your way home from (Freind)'s house, how long until you get back?" Her checking my location all the time when there was no reason to was creeping me out. I eventually asked her to stop. She did, but seemed confused. Was it reasonable for me to be creeped out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vSGsObmtnRMHOXMAQz54tiF8z6SYUnSG | a2znw7 | {
"description": "destroying the guys house who trashed my wife's apartment",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 37
} | AITA for destroying the guys house who trashed my wife's apartment? | So my wife has an apartment in canary wharf near where she works; in case either of us have projects or deals close to deadlines and we have to work absurd hours, usually we live out in Surrey in the countryside outside of the big city.
So one day after work, she goes to the apartment and the key snaps in the lock of the main door (not her apartment). The services refused to come out as it was something like 11PM and she had no choice but to get a train back home to where I was even though she had to get to work at 6am the next morning, which meant she had very little sleep and was exhausted.
​
The next day the services rang and their handyman came over and inspected the lock and said that he couldn't fix it and that we would have to call a locksmith and pay for it ourselves because it was her fault. Okay, fair enough I guess, she did break it after all.
​
We both finished work at like 10PM and we book an appointment for a locksmith for quarter past. He charges double due to the late hours but that's fair enough as we don't have enough time. It takes him 2 hours to fix the lock. He says unfortunately its going to cost £450. Given the time, complexity, we don't think this is unfair. He then says bill it to the services as whoever did maintainence on the lock broke lots of regulations and took massive cost cutting measures and the lock would have broken at any point.
​
So we ring the services and explain the next day and demand they pay. The handyman then rings us and is aggressive saying we're lying, the locksmith is lying, he didn't cut corners etc. We then send an invoice to the services. The handyman replies to the email and in his footer is his address (which is important later). Anyway, there's a dispute. I get my lawyers involved and we win after getting multiple experts and statements etc. The services company pays out £670 to us.
​
A few months later (Last Friday), services ring us and tells us someone is coming to make sure all the gas/electric meters in the apartments are working. We make nothing of us, we weren't busy with work and were living in our Surrey house. We go out for drinks in the city and we decide to stay in our Canary wharf apartment as no trains were going to our main home that late. We go back to find the place trashed. Fridge smashed, food all over the place, furniture broken, sofas slashed, TV smashed etc etc. My wife installed a camera in the kitchen and living room because we don't go to that apartment often and so we were extra careful.
​
We look on the cameras. Shock horror, the handyman comes in with his friend to check the meters, then proceeds to trash our flat. We're so angry. My wife is about to call the police but I tell her not to.
​
I call my brother in law, who is the dodgiest bloke I know but he likes me. He gathers his friends. They go to the address the next day at 1Pm and we trash the place worse than they trashed ours. He lives out in Essex but my in laws friends do a great job and sent me photos.
​
My wife is now fuming at me and her brother for taking it in our own hands.
​
Am I the asshole?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 37
} | WRONG |
zN0e5eMLHFT2KRM4oM30E5g58YkdW9PO | ayg2e7 | {
"description": "upsetting my mom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for upsetting my mom | Backstory. My mom has always been great, but has never picked the best men. After a 20+ year marriage, she caught my stepdad cheating and they divorced. Infidelity aside, he was a world class prick. Misogynistic, racist, narcissistic, manipulative, etc. The divorce was nasty, but my mother made it out and had a new outlook on life. At this point, my wife (newly married) and my mother had a great relationship, like a sit and talk and laugh for hours type of relationship.
Enter my mom’s new BF. At first he seems super nice and well behaved. Slowly, he starts to make little comments toward the women in my family. Never myself or my in-laws. Nothing awful, but things that suggested that he was in charge. If he ever crossed lines, he would pull that move where he pretended that it was a joke and that they couldn’t take it. He, for some reason, really singled out my wife. He spoke down to her and tried to flat out tell her what to do. At first, I didn’t even see it, or maybe ignored it as I grew up around this behavior.
My wife and I move away (2yrs) then back to for a job.
To speed up the story, the behaviors that I was concerned about are more prevalent when we return. Racist jokes to my in-laws, booze hidden around the house, etc. I speak to my sisters and they are divided, one likes him, the other does not.
My mom’s house (which he lives in rent free because of complications with his divorce) has an on suite and we move in while we are waiting to close on our house. I start working right away when I’m gone, he takes issue with everything my wife says or does. She does it all wrong. My mom, is now short with my wife, parroting his issues and judgmental about her lack of job search (we agreed she wouldn’t look until we were settled).
Naturally, we start avoiding them and figure, 3 more weeks and we are out of here. Then he demands that I bring my wife into the kitchen for a family talk and I fucking lose it. I call him out on all of it, anything that has been under the surface gets said. I Tell him I see right through his BS and the house feels an awful lot like it used to when my stepdad lived there. He gets aggressive with me and I jump out of my chair and he backs down. My mom is crying, calling me disrespectful. I am shouting that respect is earned. Blah, blah, blah. We calm down and he apologizes for ME not reading the situation correctly and puts his hand out. I storm out and ask my wife to start packing.
Later my sister calls and says that they are worried about my “anger problem” and since then I have had minimal contact with my mom.
I don’t feel bad about yelling at him. He, in my opinion, needed to be knocked down a peg or two and I needed to defend my wife. I do wonder if AITA for letting this come between my mom and I. We have a great relationship otherwise, but right now I have no interest in seeing her. I just can’t get over that fact that no responsibility was taken on his end and she acts blind to it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
le4aa0j5UMzoTkjL06pVGupwWXgLNlH1 | arxa4x | {
"description": "enabling my sister's mistreatment of our elderly, abusive father until his death",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for enabling my sister's mistreatment of our elderly, abusive father until his death | I'm the middle of three children, the only son of our parents. Our dad was in his 50s when he had us and his 70s when he recently passed away. Our parents split ten years ago and our mum (she is much younger, only in her 20s when they married) had nothing to do with him and is married to someone else now. When we were children our dad was very controlling/domineering, abused the three of us on a borderline if not outright sexual level on top of mentally and physically slapping us around. This never went to the police and our mum wasn't much better off and treated equally horribly and it took until our dad's frailness started to show for her to finally leave him and take us with her.
As he got older he became physically and mentally weaker, he was diagnosed with arthritis, high blood pressure, had very limited mobility in his legs and needed help to get about so was considered disabled. Since it took him a long time to get around the home ae needed care to keep him going and my older sister has taken on this responsibility and to a lesser extent so had I.
Eventually I started noticing that our dad became more haggard/downtrodden in his temperament and sometimes bruises from out of nowhere would turn up seemingly at random, when I asked him he said he slipped trying to take out the bins. Saw it first hand when he briefly attempted to revert back to his old domineering self when arguing with my sister about something and she grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him out of the way. Noticed again when after a bad fall down the steps he asked for help and she seemed to get snappy and told him to shut up and wait.
Pulled my sister aside and while she didn't admit to doing anything with him she admitted she didn't care if he died any sooner so we could have him out of our lives and get the inheritance we're all owed. Didn't feel any sympathy for him myself because of what he did to us.
A few days ago he died in circumstances that have me wondering if my sister could have done anything to prevent it and I have a stupid semblance of something running through my head condemning me for enabling her and not doing anything about it.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
z8szzT4xHTDMkKVP74AEqi1MiYAsD4bC | ankqei | {
"description": "breaking up with a girl on the same day she asked me out",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with a girl on the same day she asked me out? | Context: I got out of a long-distance relationship about six or so months ago. Ex was *extremely* abusive, and left me really mentally scarred, to the point where I have flashback semi-regularly. Fast forward to yesterday, talking to a girl who I’d met online as well and known for a couple weeks, and she says she wants to date me. I don’t really know why, it’s likely because I’m a massive people-pleaser doormat, but I say yes, because I like her as a person and she’s kinda cute. Really soon after, I start having *extreme* flashbacks. This goes on for about twelve hours before I tell her I’m not able to keep on with the relationship. She says okay, but keeps on flirting with me into today, when I tell her that in all honesty, I just need to stop talking to her for a bit so I can sort myself out. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
k8ah8LymP8y9Lx4yqwggvbRpteBr5ZWT | b17zqg | {
"description": "not helping my brother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my brother? | I bike to school and home most of the time, and my brother is supposed to, too- except he decided to walk today. When I caught up to him, he had fallen over and scraped his ankle.
​
I was in a horrible mood, because I had two huge tests today (that I probably have failed lol) and told him (not too gently) to get on my bike and propel himself forward with his good foot. My brother was screaming and wailing literally at the top of his lungs (he's in 8th grade) for at least 30 minutes, and I put up with it for the rest of the walk home, and then helped him to get up the stairs, wash the wound and put ice on it.
​
Tomorrow I have a French test and more homework due, and I didn't want to sit there and listen to my brother's wailing. Also, I thought he needed to rest. So I left my brother alone.
​
My brother called my mother, who came home screeching at the top of her lungs how I was "cold-blooded" and "heartless" and how I needed to sit there, pour hydrogen peroxide all over his wounds, comfort him, and basically do whatever he tells me to. I'm not his servant, and I have tons of homework!
​
AITA for not helping my brother? I kinda feel guilty about leaving him there, but I didn't know what else I could do- he didn't break or twist his ankle, and the scrape wasn't too deep. He didn't need to go to the ER or anything. Was I in the wrong?
​
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Krbm5bz7aMHLlINWjH9C1wn0ALK3tZu1 | afm5wa | null | AITA that deserves getting cut out of the friend group? | TL;DR at the bottom
Disclaimer: Since I have aspergers, pls take any emotional analysis with care
Okay, so this is not a short story and it started around mid December but it still bugs me a lot and I need some outside opinions. So back in college, I had this pretty defined friend group of mostly girls (m/21 myself) and I made up a Whatsapp group with all the members. After we all graduated, most contact was lost but the group was maintained and we met each year on the 23rd for a little premature christmas party with some wine and gifts. I had no problem with the declining contact since I figured that's just how life goes mostly and we were all from the same small town, so we would get news from each other anyways.
Fast forward to this year. I had asked in the group if all plans were set for the 23rd since I wanted to know if our venue (the apartment of one group member) were available for all of us and if everyone was coming since I really love this event. I mean, even without much contact, these are people you had some memorable times with and I care for them as distant as we might feel from each other. I got one single answer in the group which basically said that everything was already settled and done and planned for. I asked when that all had been done, mostly because I was confused and could not remember any of it. The answer I got said that it had all been done "in the group", which didn't help me at all but I also had been abroad for the last couple months and got a new phone so I could not access any further chat logs. I just shrugged it off, thinking I was just overreacting because, after all, the event was happening and that was all I wanted.
So on December 22nd I was attending a crime dinner where some people of the same group also attended. And, after all was set and done, I asked about the planning. The answer was simple. They had made a new group. Same members, same name, just without me. "It was just for one event and in the end we ended up using it way more", was about the answer I got. I felt pretty shitty, needless to say. I debated with myself whether it was still worth it to attend the christmas event but I had already bought all the presents and I also wanted to ask the people who weren't at the dinner about the group.
So, I came to the party the next day and, as it turns out, everyone brought a powerpoint of their last year and they all thought it was the smartest idea ever to present how their past year went. It was funny, because that way I got to see just on how many occasions they all met up, especially those that predate the event they told me they created the group for.
After all, people gave out their presents and I thought it would be smart to ask about the group. Everyone took turns talking about the reasons they made the new group. And most of these reasons, I can't really comprehend so I am asking you, Reddit.
\- that they felt I was rude for seldomly greeting their relatives and parents when we met
\- that some did not feel comfortable talking about their private life when I was in the group
\- that I was, all in all, spreading a bad mood and the lack of communication in the group was mostly due to me
Needless to say, I deleted the obsolete old group later that same evening and also all the old contacts. The thing is, I have never thought of it that way. I rarely greet people, I tend not to talk a lot about private stuff but most of these things are due to my aspergers ( I guess). I have at least never intended to be rude or anything like it, but it also never occurred to me that it could be seen that way. I could all blame this on my aspergers, but I know that'd be the easy way out and I would like the view of an outsider on this, since my parents told me there are always to sides to a coin.
TL;DR: Friend group from college cut me off for behaviour that was seen as rude while it never occurred to me that way. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FXGGL7dFDgPhE2XQXr3lz0sivDeMOdm0 | awwav3 | {
"description": "preferring my daughter do track & field instead of sideline cheer",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for preferring my daughter do track & field instead of sideline cheer? | (I am posting this on behalf of my mother from my account. The rest of the post will be written as if it's from her perspective. I am not the daughter in question in this post.)
​
This upcoming fall, my (42 F) daughter (11 F) will be entering middle school and will have opportunity to do school sports for the first time. The question is about a fall sport; I would like her to do track and field, but she wants to do sideline cheer. She has the best time for girls in her class in running, flexed arm hang, sit ups, etc. I would like for her to do track because she can be celebrated as an athlete for *her* hard work and achievements. I may be wrong, but I feel that sideline cheer celebrates football players, not the cheer leaders. I have to also add that it may be cultural preference, I was raised in the Ukraine, and we didn't have American football or cheer leaders there.
​
She wants to do sideline cheer instead of track because she's done gymnastics for a few years, and wants to do a sport that allows her to keep doing gymnastics. Additionally, she wants to do competitive cheer (a winter sport, which we agree she can do) and says sideline cheer is a good "warm up" for this more serious season.
​
So reddit, AITA for preferring she do a sport that celebrates *her* achievements, instead of the football team's? Especially because we have already agreed that competitive cheer in the winter is okay. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
YeEdswKRNIC7hhMMXbM3TzYOFwqzpnGn | b901n2 | {
"description": "not returning an elderly lady's 10 dollars",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA if i didnt return an elderly lady's 10 dollars? | So this happened about 5 or 6 years ago. My mother, sister and I always went to this park that was close to the close to the school we went to. We always went to the park after school and my mom would talk to her friend and my sister and I would just go on the playground.
One day as I was playing tag with some other kids at the park, I spotted a 10 dollar bill near a tree. I rush over to pick up the bill and stuff it in my pocket. Now, my family at the time was poor, not super poor but below average in income so I didn't want to return it to the principal or give it to my mom.
I kept playing with the other kids and I notice an elderly lady was looking near the area I found the dollar bill. I casually walk towards where my mom who was distracted talking to her friend the entire time I took the money and sat down next to her. I just watched as the lady tried to find what I assumed was the 10 dollars.
I definitely would've returned the 10 dollars if the lady had asked my mom or I as she was looking close to where my mom was sitting.
The lady looked for about 4 or 5 minutes and eventually left. I felt bad after the whole situation and told my mom what happened. She told me I didn't do the right thing and should've returned it when I was still at the park. My older sister called me a douchebag for not returning the money.
Would I be the AH in this situation?
Tl;dr: Found 10 dollars at a park, saw a lady trying to find something (most likely the dollar), didn't return it. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
e2vrvOBWz4O4k9psw9ZwrqVpuzUYhthw | ajoc40 | {
"description": "choosing to go to my friends birthday party on valentines",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for choosing to go to my friends birthday party on valentines? | So here’s the deal my group of friends, 2 with which I’m living with, came up with a date to celebrate the birthdays of another 2 close friends on the 14th. I’ve been stressed with uni exams lately and when they suggested that date I didn’t remember it was valentines. We are a group of about 10 people and the only date where we all coincide is that one. They’ve also decided to celebrate it at my flat.
My gf has got really upset with me because of this first off blaming me for that being the only date and because I was inconsiderate (even though I didn’t choose the date). She lives 5 minutes from where I am and refuses to come to the party. I’ve suggested lunch together and maybe after the party going to sleep with her at her flat but apparently I’ve already ruined her valentines and she doesn’t want to meet up for lunch that day.
I didn’t suggest the date, it’s the only date all my friends can meet up, I’ve suggested other ways of meeting up that day and I wouldn’t mind having a “proper” valentines date night the following day. But she still makes me feel like im the asshole and I just feel tired of looking for solutions on my own and her being the one who holds the grudge on me . | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
nq46lDww538n9hTN5HMLDlD1CNKOLcTE | a1p3af | {
"description": "not wanting a group of guys to play poker at my restaurant passed close",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting a group of guys to play poker at my restaurant passed close? | Not for me, but for my SO. She is working the close shift at a very small restaurant and it closes at 10pm. A group of 10 guys are playing poker and have ordered last call, and doubled up on drinks. They have just split into smaller groups to play the final hands, which could take hours. It's already closing time, and they're just starting the last round. Am I, or my SO, the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
G6bG7CeSKKmhnO1dJCUA1h40ESmcpAmL | b5kl95 | {
"description": "disliking my girlfriend's best friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for disliking my girlfriend's best friend? | I've (21M) been dating my girlfriend (21F) for about a year now. We have a great relationship - this isn't an issue about us. Her friend (21F) (let's call her Megan) annoys the hell out of me.
Megan has had a few rough times in college. She's not as healthy as she once was/wants to be and she often feels lonely because the rest of our friend group is in relationships. She's a very very sweet and selfless person and we all love her and include her in everything.
But, in my opinion, there's gotta be a point where we stop feeling sorry for Megan. She often talks about her issues at length, even crying sometimes. For example, there have been a few situations where Megan would be upset while we're all out for the night because everyone's with their SO. She had a poor attitude and didn't allow herself to have fun. The issues she has are no one's but her own, and she's gotta be the one to seek help and/or practice some self love. My girlfriend, being Megan's best friend, is always supportive of her but sometimes sacrifices time with me to be with her so she doesn't feel left out or lonely.
While this may sound selfish, I only feel this way because this has been happening since I started dating my girlfriend. I don't disagree with the idea of making a friend feel better, but I guess I'm just annoyed by it after dealing with it for a year. My girlfriend doesn't always approve of Megan's behavior but would more often than not choose to be with her.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DUUEmGxnRnPgiQ9LWwQUkuztV4LntuCb | ad6xt6 | {
"description": "not being happy my girlfriend is pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being happy my girlfriend is pregnant? | M27, girlfriend is also 27. We've been together for 4y and I had figured we would probably get engaged soon. She told me last week that she's pregnant, and I didn't react super well. I basically said "shit" and freaked out a bunch. She's on the pill and obviously it's not 100% but I was still taken very off guard.
We had the conversation about what to do about it and she wants to keep the baby. And so do I, I think? I mean I always wanted kids with her, and the idea of aborting our baby is upsetting to me. I think if we aborted it then when we did have kids together I would always think about this one and wonder and feel selfish. At the same time, I just feel so stressed and freaked out when I think about this.
My girlfriend is upset because I am not happy about the pregnancy. I tried to tell her that of course I will love the baby when it comes I'm just upset because it wasn't how we planned our lives to go? She feels like since we've committed to having the baby that means I should feel happy and excited about it. But in reality all I've been thinking about all week is how it feels like we super fucked up even though we didn't really do anything wrong. We talked last night and she got really upset with me and accused me of not even wanting the baby.
AITA for not doing a better job of hiding my unhappiness about the circumstances from my girlfriend when we both agree and have decided that we want to have the kid? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZS4xQfkRcj0A83PNQB6o27hFUbIifpjr | 9uirtm | {
"description": "being upset at my players",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset at my players? | A few things to preface:
I am the DM for a small and fairly tight group of DND players. Our sessions are quite often arranged very informally and on the fly.
Yesterday, however, I needed to know if they were available as I was being asked if I might be available for somebody else's plans. So, naturally, I make a post in our group, basically saying to let me know within the next few hours whether they would be available at a certain time. This gave me ample time to determine and let the other party know whether or not I would be available.
My players, however, took this as a sign of me saying, "We're playing at this time," and ONE of the five messaged me. Given that, in my eyes, it seemed obvious nobody wanted to play, I went out with the other party and had a good time. The time I specified comes and goes and suddenly a few of them are upset: why hadn't I run our game? I explained but now I'm just catching flak and shade from one of the group in particular.
AITA for going out with the other group last night and, WIBTA for just calling off game plans until further notice since they just aren't putting forth an effort to meet me on the middle? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6GTECPv6z8qoH2Ut4MqLAycdA2Zxjn0K | a6fhsk | {
"description": "using the fact that my ex-friend beat someone to death to get leverage at school",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for using the fact that my ex-friend beat someone to death to get leverage at school? | Earlier this year my friend (now ex obviously as he is in prison now) and I were at a service station when he got in a confrontation with someone from another school. I went to the bathroom as I didn't want to get into any drama and when I came back I saw that my friend was beating the fuck out of the kid who was on the floor (I don't think he intended to remove him).
I went and got some help (as he was rabid beyond anything and I didn't want to get into that) and it took several of the staff there to remove him. Unfortunately, for the kid in question he was taken to hospital, had a brain haemorrhage and died.
Anyway, the security cameras cleared me of having been involved and the police didn't need anything from me other than a witness statement. My friend (ex friend) is into jail and it will probably be 20 years or so before he gets out.
I returned to school determined to re-integrate. And it has been going very well. However, the aura of the incident (despite me having nothing to do with it) has followed me. It has resulted in a certain intimidation factor (people giving me their seats etc).
The thing is that I am not a violent person, not at all. I didn't know my friend was a sociopath but I have been exploiting this fear and I am starting to feel a bit bad for doing so.
I should add that no-one blames me for the incident. Event the family of the child have said that I did the right thing in getting help and my principal has said the same. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
hhEhgwT7soBZEDZUr60olfeBb24xZqfS | b4ddr7 | null | AITA my ex told my kids she's gay | My ex and I split ten years ago. Won't get into the details, but I fucked up and the divorce was nasty and long. We don't get along well but we try for the (3) kids. My ex hasn't dated much since the split, while I have had 2 long term girlfriends.
Anyways, as the title says, my ex decided to "come out" to our kids and is now bringing her girlfriend around them. She didn't consult me or warn me of this. Further, she chose to tell the kids she's gay, not bisexual, so I hate to think what the kids are thinking about me and our marriage. I also don't think its even remotely acceptable for a parent to discuss their sexuality with children.
I confronted her via text and all she said was "Don't text me during my parenting time unless it's about scheduling." I sent her another text demanding an explanation for why she didn't ask me how I felt about her doing this, and she didn't answer that or my calls. AITA for this, or is she wrong for dropping this bomb on KIDS? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 362,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 376
} | WRONG |
D5bKzLoUG125DRHigeyNNKLlKjRSdc0c | ap1mrb | {
"description": "not wanting to go on a family trip",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to go on a family trip? | My family wants me to go with them on a week-long vacation, even though I have told them previously that I hate traveling and would have no interest in going (there are other reasons to not go as well, but they're not worth specifying). They've been really persistent in getting me to go with them and seemed really excited about it, so I decided to endure it and say yes just to make them happy. They've already organized the trip, made hotel reservations, and bought plane tickets.
As the date of the vacation gets closer, though, I've been regretting my decision to join them. I really do not want to go; however, I don't think the plane tickets/hotel reservations are refundable, which is why I'm so hesitant. My dad has given me an out and says that I don't have to go if I really don't want to, but I feel awful. AITA for wanting to back out? WIBTA if I do decide not to go? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
9farSZoFOBu8gZ228LcfvGHqLOJEDdZT | au23dc | {
"description": "telling my stepson to calm down",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for telling my stepson to calm down? | Background: Me - 34f; SO- 44m, my son- 5m; stepson- 15m.
My SO annoys me because he’s a lot harder on my kid, who is only 5, than his own. They both do similar things because my son looks up to him, yet the 15 yr old doesn’t get in trouble for being loud, leaving his garbage everywhere, and being rude. My son gets in trouble for the smallest things, like talking to much. Everyone has seen and noticed this and I’ve brought it up to the SO, but he just shrugs it off. He’s also really negative and acts pissy all the time but denies it. Example - he’ll open the fridge to get the milk but it’s pushed to the back of the shelf. He’ll heave a huge sigh and mutter under his breath and slam things around. But if anyone says anything, he denies it or ignores them. He does little things like this constantly.
This afternoon, we’d all just taken naps because we got up early to see a movie - it’s cheaper that way. We were sitting in the living room and my son came out of his room to show me something he built with his legos. Stepson was sprawled all over the living room floor so my son had to step over him to get to me. In doing so, he accidentally stepped on the dog’s paw. The dog squeaked a bit. Stepson starts yelling at my kid about stepping on the dog. So I looked at stepson and said in a slightly raised voice “Stop yelling and calm the frick down.” After which my SO turns to me and growls, “You shouldn’t be talking! You’ve been in a pissy mood all weekend!” I haven’t, I’ve been in a fine mood and I’m thinking he just said that as a rebuttal for me chastising his golden child. I’m basically not allowed to chastise his son, but he’s allowed to yell at mine even though I’ve told him not to. His son broke my hand once out of irritation but I wasn’t allowed to say or do anything and I never received an apology. Try talking to him about it and he usually gets mad and turns it around on me. Every time we have an argument, he plays the victim because when I tell him the things he does that are upsetting, he says I’m calling him “evil and abusive” and it “totally changes” his view of himself. If that’s true and you see how what you’re doing is bad, then why are you still doing it? Just so irritated with all of this. When I’m told I’m doing something upsetting, I make an effort to stop doing that thing. I feel like I am putting in tons of work into this relationship and he isn’t.
Edit: He might have thought I was crabby because he tends to make snide comments about things like dishes not being done, floor needing vacuumed, etc. So I mentioned the fact that he can do those things too. I work 60 hours a week as a nurse and he works maybe 30. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 38,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
Wb1zRDbOf7hO79VfWJHCtWfKUVKqfMLn | a47n8z | {
"description": "breaking up with my mentally and emotionally unstable, poor, trans boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I broke up with my mentally and emotionally unstable, poor, trans boyfriend? | I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months. But he wasn't always my boyfriend. When we started, *he* was actually *she.* I knew she was a bit tomboyish and had some dysphoria, but I didn't know it would be so far as to change their name and identity. I'm just not as attracted to this guy anymore. (for the record, I am bi with a large preference towards girls.)
Anyway. My boyfriend, (let's call him Jack) was always really into me. He was a pretty good partner too. Always sweet and thoughtful and stuff. But as wonderful as he is, I've just not been as happy in the relationship. The transition might've had something to do with it, but I feel it's just mostly me. I'm just not feeling it anymore.
This especially sucks because I know Jack has been having some serious mental health problems. His mother (also we're teens, forgot to mention that) has been borderline abusive, being completely against his transition and going as far as to slag him off sometimes, and his brother has been doing the same. His father lives elsewhere and has been having drinking/substance problems, and thus Jack's been feeling pretty abandoned. His school life is bad, he's falling back in his classes and some of his former friends have been incredibly toxic towards him. Basically he's pretty mentally unstable. (And he also goes to a therapist every week.)
I'm worried if I break it off I'll push him over the edge. I know his mental state has apparently been improving thanks to our relationship and I don't want to see him regress, but I'm also just not happy at all.
So, would I be the asshole if I broke up with my poor, mentally and emotionally unstable, trans boyfriend? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XaEjtBs2HqlgnO0IqbJDGkLxbwslhnpV | acd89x | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend she has a deadline to start telling her friends we're dating",
"pronormative_score": 60,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA For telling my girlfriend she has a deadline to start telling her friends we’re dating? | I feel I’m not the ass hole, but I’m open to have my mind changed. I ask because she seemed taken aback by my requirement got short/frustrated and didn’t say “I love you too” etc for the rest of our conversation before bed. #SayItback🔫
I told her that if she can’t tell her friends by a certain date i don’t think it’s going to work between us anymore
Important note - we’re long distance
We’ve been dating in total for 3 years. Had a small break up during my first deployment a year and a half in, but got back together shortly after. She told her friends that we split, but never that we were back together. We’ve been back together for over a year now. She took a while to tell her family, but her friends still don’t know.
Her solution to this is that “I’ve told my friends I’m not dating ANYONE” or when I was in town and her friends asked if we talked “yeah I saw him we talked”
People suggested to just drop her because it’s not cool, but after 3 years together I want to give it a chance for her to fix it.
I’ve been pretty frustrated about this for a while. I want to take pictures together and make a new profile pic, and so that her friends know not to get with her, as I told her the above doesn’t cut it for me. There should be no reason to hide it unless you’ve got something to hide, right? After I said this she immediately turned it on me and accused me of lying about unrelated things, saying “I don’t know if you’re doing xxx thing or going to parties without telling me, so I just have to trust you just like you need to trust me”
All my friends know we’re dating, that’s a key difference.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 60,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 60,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
tdxGCwgRuQ6Z45LSVjlOKV1Dd3fTujoP | b0saev | {
"description": "revealing my dad's infidelity and potentially breaking up my parents' marriage",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I reveal my dad’s infidelity and potentially break up my parents’ marriage |
My parents (64M, 62F) have been married for 35 years. I (32M) am their only child.
Dad has anger issues and some narcissistic tendencies. He can become upset over even minor things. When he’s upset, he tends to verbally attack, gaslight and manipulate those around him.
Mom is passive and tends to try to smooth things over without dealing with them. Of course this only goes so far, and sometimes there are big fights with my mom losing her composure and crying, and my dad criticizing her for being emotional.
Things got very bad in the mid 90s thru mid 2000s. My dad had career difficulties and didn’t handle the stress well. He took it out on us, and though we had food, shelter and nice things, I can truly say life was miserable during this period due to the psychological abuse he inflicted. My mom had a very serious medical issue (cancer) and he treated her like absolute shit, at a moment when she was undergoing chemotherapy and needed as much support as possible.
**OK, THAT’S JUST SAD. WHERE’S THE PLOT TWIST?**
5 years ago, I discovered Dad had been visiting sex workers in various cities regularly since at least the mid-90s, and lying about his whereabouts during these times. I remember him coming home crazy late and he and mom fighting, and him saying he was just working late or whatever. He was dropping hundreds of dollars on these activities each “visit”, during a time when he started a fight with my mom for spending $20 to take me and her out to lunch.
I had a what-the-fuck moment and fully intended to tell mom. But she was out of town, and I confronted Dad first (maybe mistake?) and he got uber mad at me, talked me into thinking I would be guilty of breaking up the family, etc etc. I’m ashamed to say that I let fear guide me then, and I did not tell her, telling myself I would bide my time. But I never did. And at that point I was much more under Dad’s spell of influence.
I also found out mom had suspected something like this, and confronted him multiple times over the years, but he argued with her until he convinced her she was crazy for suspecting him.
This has been a weight on my soul ever since. I’m a professional artist, and I feel like due to this emotional weight, my creative output has been affected to the point it’s starting to sideline my career. I think the best art tells the truth, and in my heart I feel I’m not honest with anyone when I’m holding this in. Hard to reconcile.
What spurred this post is that I signed up for a meditation class. And with that practice of introspection, I’m realizing this whole situation is making me sick and weighing on me even when I push it to the back of my mind.
So, will I be the asshole if 5 years after finding out, I tip the canoe of my parents’ not-happiest-but-at-least-stable 35 year marriage? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
yeKAEBJjIAgyiKKDGQUGKTwhYVraoKbm | b0myzb | {
"description": "banning my boyfriend's friend from our house",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I banned my boyfriend’s friend from our house? | We’re all 25. My boyfriend and I have been living together for approx. 7 months, together for 2.5 years.
My boyfriend has a friend from college, “Mark”, who has been causing issues in our relationship since the beginning. I’ve posted about him before:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/a96xx6/i_have_an_insane_urge_to_offer_my_boyfriend_an/
To sum it up, Mark has some pent up resentment towards me. My theory is that this stems from two issues. 1) my friend, who he had a one night stand of sorts with, wasn’t interested in anything past that evening. It was also one of, if not his very first, sexual experience. 2) Mark wants his “bro” back, and I’m standing in the way. In his eyes, at least. I never try to bar my boyfriend from hanging out with his friends. Mark and my bf were he last two single guys in the group, but now it’s just Mark.
Anyways, if he gets a chance to insult or demean me, he does. Whether it be directly, like saying that “all girls that you meet at the bars are whores” (he was at the bar with my bf the night we met), or indirectly by being an absolute horrible houseguest (refusing to clean up his own belongings that he spew all over our house, that was covered in detail in the second link above) he takes full advantage.
The issue is, Mark is a little bit of a jerk to all of our friends, even my boyfriend, so they’ve kind of tuned him out and don’t even notice most of this. But I’m not a longtime friend of Mark, so I notice and I also don’t have the same level of patience as everyone else does. They usually say things like “Mark is always like this” or “Mark doesn’t know any better”. Nah, I’m not buying it. The dude is a grown as man and in medical school, he knows that what he says/does is inappropriate and hurtful. The cherry on top of all this is that on the several occasions when my bf has had to talk to Mark about being rude towards me, he only apologizes to my bf. He’s never reached out to me to offer an apology.
Anyways, I’ve had *enough* of Mark. I don’t care if my boyfriend wants to maintain a friendship with him, but I’m done.
He likes to come visit and stay the night time to time, about once a month-ish average, but I really don’t feel like I should have to put up with his crap in my own home. I’m also worried that, because we’re renovating our attic and turning it into a lounge/bar, that Mark will be trying to come over more often.
WIBTA if I told my boyfriend that Mark is no longer welcome in our home? I don’t care if they hangout anywhere else, truly. I just don’t want him here. I get that this will put my bf in a tough spot, because he’ll be inviting everyone over to hangout and Mark will be pissed if he can’t come, but at the same time it’s Mark’s own fault for being such a jerk. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
tGnaLuDMaSIe1ziI2osFCYdy35cnvQod | b24rav | {
"description": "not really liking an autistic girl in my class",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I didn't really like an autistic girl in my class? | There's an girl in my class that's autistic. She's an kind girl and I try to be nice to her. The only thing I don't like about her is that she's quite loud at times and I don't really like loud noises. I don't do anything to her, I just ignore her.
AITA? I feel really bad because it's because she's born this way. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DE6mAcpNzfNZGOp2F7lg3Ri66SBja1PC | b6ku2f | {
"description": "not getting rid of my cat even though I'm badly allergic",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not getting rid of my cat even though I’m badly allergic | First time poster, I’m on mobile
I’m currently sitting at a doctors office getting chest X-rays and a breathing treatment and who knows what else.
See I’m allergic to my cat. She’s my best friend and I love her to death. I had a cat as a child but haven’t had once since so we got her in December as a Christmas present.
I also had seasonal allergies. This is important later.
So I’ve been taking an allergy med every day and I’ve gotten more used to her over time, but recently with the pollen in the air (I live in Tennessee and the pollen is HORRIBLE here) my allergies have kicked into over drive.
I’m now getting diagnosed with adult asthma will most likely need a rescue inhaler and prescription strength allergy meds, just like dear old dad.
Meanwhile my husband tell me he doesn’t feel that bad for me because it’s my own fault because I refuse to get rid of the cat. Let me reiterate that this cat is my best friend, and I have clinical depression that she actually help significantly. We bonded instantly and she follows me around the house everywhere and sleeps in my arms.
So am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
EyWtScRn4IEP145zQABF9vJlgmlERwXv | b8b2n8 | {
"description": "not wanting to visit my potentially-dying uncle in the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to visit my potentially-dying uncle in the hospital? | Two weeks ago, my (22f) uncle (mom’s brother) lands himself in the hospital. He can’t walk right, he’s slurring his speech, and giving more classical signs of a stroke. Also, my uncle is 60-years-old and has been morbidly obese for at least 30 of those years. Since he’s been in the hospital, they still don’t know what it is. Potentials are spinal tumor, multiple myeloma, or other bad neurological and/or cancerous things.
Now, have never, ever, liked my uncle. I have never loved him. I know this makes me sound terrible, but it’s true.
My uncle has always been the kind of person to intentially piss the people around him off. He drives unnecessarily aggressively, has cursed almost every member of my family out (including 10yo me when I was crying because I was scared during a tornado), has always intentionally messed up his “memories” of people/things/teams that others like just to make it look like he doesn’t give a shit (which, he doesn’t), and more. He never tips wait staff, because “it’s their job.” He has ZERO personal hygiene, and spends literally all of his non-work days parked in front of the TV watching “politics” (read: inflammatory “facts” about our country’s “demise”). He has always owned dogs that he neglects so much that I have genuinely considered calling the ASPCA to finally give him reperrecusions for his actions. (And before I get hit with it, I am a LVT in a veterinary ER. I know true neglect and abuse when I see it, unlike most Facebook commenters.) He’s extremely sexist, racist, violently atheist, and just a generally gross person. I have seen my uncle physically gripe waitresses, he has told me that I need a husband because single women “eventually become welfare cases”, and told my mom that she should disown me when I was dating a Mexican guy. My mom says he loves me. I don’t believe it. He has only ever tried to buy my love. He’ll buy me tickets to sports games, amusement parks, and more. After YEARS of him intentionally antagonizing me, buying me shit I don’t even necessarily want, and not making any ACTUAL effort to get to know me, I’m tired of him. If it was up to me, he wouldn’t be part of my life. The way he treats himself, his dogs, and the people around him literally sickens me. This past Thanksgiving, I could barely even look at him.
So now, he’s potentially dying, and my mom and grandma are stressed. Yeah, they pretty much hate him too, but he’s still their son/brother. To me? He’s nothing. I am not the kind of person to wish ill on others, especially when it comes to health problems, but I feel like karma is finally catching up to him. My mom asked me to visit him with her the other day, and I said no. She understands but still says he loves me and would like to see me. Would I be an asshole for not going to see him?
TLDR; my obese asshole uncle is having severe health problems but after years of suffering through his personality, I don’t care what happens and I don’t want to see him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nbQAm9laAb561Oo5DxnPwjxWptnEgayY | a7c4kq | {
"description": "not \"supporting the developers\" of a free game",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not "supporting the developers" of a free game | I play fortnite with some friends and occasionally random people. I play the game almost everyday and am pretty decent at it. My friends/random internet people are always astounded by the fact that I don't have the battle pass ($10). People always tell me that I'm being an ass for taking advantage of a free game and not supporting the developers.
I personally don't feel obligated to purchase anything. If they made the cost of the game $10, I'd be happy to pay but otherwise I don't really care about the skins or any of the other cosmetic items. I'd much rather focus on winning than on completing random challenges.
TLDR: Is it my responsibility to pay to support developers who made a free game? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
ndhBof3iHn1eVcnXnicqVLTgsi5nGOTZ | alxcg7 | null | AITA? SO and I had a very quiet fancy dinner. | I'll try not to let this be terribly long. My (24M) girlfriend (21F) and I have been together almost five years. Despite my age, my hair is male pattern baldness-ing pretty hard. I'm not bald, but it's pretty damn thin. This is a huge confidence issue for me. I try my hardest to comb it in such a way that it isn't too noticeable. She likes to mess with my hair, which I don't like, especially if we're going out somewhere. We're about to go out to dinner, I'm ready to go. She's getting ready. She comes over to me, touches my hair, and I sort of make a sound, like an "I don't like that" sigh, and lean my head away from her. She goes all in. With both hands, messes my hair all up. Goes back to getting ready. When she's done, she asks if I'm ready, I tell her I just need to pee and comb my hair. She says "Is this the part where you whine about me messing up your hair?" I respond, "You mean when you did something you know I don't like, and then when I made it clear I didn't like it, went all in instead of stopping?" She laughs it off, not in a mean way but more like she doesn't realize I'm serious or something, and walks away. We go out to eat, she's acting like nothing happened, I'm still in a bad mood but trying to act like it's whatever. She asks why I'm frowning, I tell her, and she gets upset. Says she didn't know I didn't like it and doesn't remember us ever having talked about it before (I know for sure that we have). After a minute of talking about it, I'm trying to explain why it upset me and she says "Whatever." I say "What do you mean, whatever?" And she responds that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. We ate in silence. Afterward, she continues to ignore me, and when I try to initiate a conversation, she says she "Just doesn't want to talk to me right now." AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oASSZjsnF9UyMePSEB2Ijuzx9YtWT1Yp | a0jjg0 | {
"description": "telling a woman shes a liar",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a woman shes a liar? | Im gonna have to be vauge about my job in this post so im sorry if its confusing.
So at work I run a department and im new to the whole "your in charge" thing, its been open for a week and shes been in there to help a couple of times. Today she was requested to go help out her department so I sent her, I then get a message saying if they can switch her for another person and I say sure. I then go to lunch, while im go e she apperantly comes back with a notepad and a pen saying she needs to help run the department, not a problem in my job but they never told me and it kinda ruins plans if I dont have a certain amount of people so I send a message to that department asking "what gives?" I explain what she told us and they said they said no such thing. I get more info on whats going on and look her up in our system, shes doing another job that shes not supposed to be doing. I send her manager a message explaining whats going on and tell him of my evidence and he agrees what she did is wrong and confronts her. She came up to me later very mad asking is she not valued and how shes helped the department, I explain you are valued but what you did was lie to us to get out of the our department after you were told to come back. In my job we need to be tracked otherwise we can get into trouble or miss a deadline if not accounted for. Im told what I did was the right thing to do but I feel like such an ass, shes filing an HR report on me and another associate involved who can testify for me that all these events are true because she witnessed them.
So am I the asshole reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
veMFkwHthXODyYqZgemFEDcPl6Jh0vmN | avi3jv | {
"description": "confronting a \"friend\" for talking badly about me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for confronting a “friend” for talking badly about me? | So earlier today I (F18) was talking to my buddy P (M18) and he suggested me and him go for a smoke after school. Usually P’s buddy J (M18) tags along and we’ve always gotten along really well.
I say of course, but then he says, “Just me and you, I don’t want you hanging around J because the last time we all chilled he was being really weird and fake.”
Now me and P are pretty close, and he’s told me a lot about him and J’s problems, so I ask him what he means.
Long story short, P tells me that J talks mad shit about me when I’m not around, calls me ugly, etc etc.
Because I don’t want J to know P told me, I’m hesitant to bring it up with J because I don’t want P to feel narcced out on.
However, I REALLY dislike fake people and would rather him not play it up around me. (A few days ago J snapped me saying “you’re so pretty let’s hang soon!!” And shit like that.)
I don’t care if he doesn’t like me, but I’d rather us establish that together, not him be two faced.
WIBTA for bringing it up with J, at the expense of P getting “told on”
TL;DR friend told me another friend was talking shit about me and I want to confront him, but don’t want my other friend to be put on the spot for telling me
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZVSjQZzqmIErpzMT0KVNNYZM1Q4TwF4e | b2hmfx | {
"description": "getting a teacher fired",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA for getting a teacher fired? | I have a teacher who is a complete asshole, she doesn’t take criticism, she’s bitchy and an overall cunt. One time she talked about count and mass nouns as a segway into our lesson, she talked about sugar being a mass noun and said that “it’s literally impossible to count” but i know for a fact that you can count sugar it’s just gonna be vet slow then i raised my hand told her my thoughts she got mad and started screaming telling me “WOULD YOU COUNT SUGAR YES OR NO!!!” And im not the only one who hates her. Pretty much the entire fucking class despises this bitch. But she can be pretty nice at times whih is why im asking you guys.
An oppurtunity recently came up and i could potentially get her fired and at very least lower her reputaion so guys be blunt with me, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
gGUifAzz6Y5zS4NEZs4Mb3O3qBEZ6sa6 | a6d7n8 | {
"description": "wanting to go to a college my dad can't afford",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for wanting to go to a college my dad can't afford? | I love my dad to pieces, I really do.
Before 2008, my parents had a very successful jewelry resale business (AB) that made enough to buy a $900,000 house. When he got laid off as a salesman, my family was okay when my mom went to work for a bank and he took over the business. After the recession, we made ends meet, but AB never recovered, until eventually no orders came (around 2014-2016).
Eventually, my mom got a new job that required a lot of commuting, and from the stress arose a lot of tension that caused my parents to split in 2011, and my mom paid maybe $700 in child support. My dad stayed unemployed, and drained his savings and checking to pay for the mortgage for years.
I moved in with my mom in 2015, and I started seeing my dad less and less until it was only partial summer and maybe a holiday or two. As I started high school, I got put into tutoring and prep classes, as well as college courses, that were really, really expensive. For the entire duration to now, my dad has never paid a single cent towards child support or my education because he had no job.
For a really long time, up until two years ago, I never realized how disappointed I was in my dad for not bothering to work and believing AB would pick up again. After hitting 0, he finally landed a part-time job making $15/hr last year, I began to regain my faith in him, and I was proud of him again. As I toured UCs and various colleges junior year, I found out my dad had said he wanted me to go to a city college that was essentially free, which of course, upset me. I felt as if he cared more about cost than my desire to go to a good college, but I understood- I didn't have to worry about debt.
This year, filling out financial aid was the most stressful process. I knew I couldn't receive much because my mom's income is considered too high for most schools (though our standard of living is much lower in California than in other states with the same income but w/e), but my dad can't contribute anything (for reference, he made $17k in 2017). My expected family contribution is still high, $30k, but even with my mom's salary increase, it's still nowhere near enough to pay for tuition.
For years, especially when my dad's accounts were in the negative, my mom has tried to persuade my dad into selling the house and for him to move into a smaller, older townhouse we rent out and haven't fully paid off. He continues to refuse, despite the lump sum, after taking out $80k to give over 4 years, will give him a lot for retirement and better his financial situation, and provide my mom money to help pay for college.
Tonight, I told him I got into NYU. I thought he would be excited, but the first thing he said was "That's good, but the cost..." and he even asked me, "What about city college?" When he ~~argued~~ talked with my mom, he refused my mom's proposals to sell the house and continued to bring up city college and the cost of NYU until I was extremely dissuaded to go there. When I applied, knowing that if I didn't get financial aid and couldn't appeal, I would have to withdraw my acceptance because I don't want to break my parents' backs- because I think anything over $5k in debt every year is too much- but actually getting accepted and talking in a group chat with other students made me realize I didn't want to go anywhere else, and especially not to a city college.
I feel really, really bad about wanting to go. I don't want my dad to worry when he can't even cover all of his bills, and I don't want my mom to suffer for trying to make my dreams come true because she already busts her ass to pay for everything without this college burden. I know I could definitely go to a cheaper school, but I'm stubborn. I know it's selfish, so AITA for being so adamant about going when my parents just can't financially afford it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
swHVh0UvTdKdfDGnpMX2oAkE6d4nG3hf | b0x3gi | {
"description": "skipping queue at the supermarket",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for skipping queue at the supermarket? | Yesterday I was doing my usual mid-week shop. When I was ready to check out, I had a choice between two cashiers about 2m (6.5 feet) apart. One lane was moving clearly faster than the other.
However in the middle of the two lanes was stood this lady, obviously waiting to see which line is best, obstructing everyone else from choosing a queue. There was no need for this as one lane was clearly ready for her to start loading her shopping on to. I am aware in some supermarkets this is the usually process but not in this one.
So I refused to play her game and skipped past her to the faster lane. To which she of course reacted negatively and had lots to say about how impolite and inconsiderate this was.
My question is - why if she knew my lane was the faster lane, didn't she go there in the first place and continued to wait in the middle?
Cherry on top - she had to choose the other lane, something went wrong with the cash register and she had to wait even longer to get checked out, long after I was gone.
I regret nothing. Thank you everyone. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Xy0hGTWxiruHtvdREsYl66bKnX5Oe1Gu | b2ym9e | {
"description": "breaking up with a girl who brought a Knife into our sex life",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Breaking Up With A Girl Who Brought A Knife Into Our Sex Life? | So for some context me and blood girl (BG) had a normal sex life, pretty vanilla at that, she was a nice girl and kept to herself a lot, we would have sex on a daily basis (Around three times a day) I had gone the few months that we were dating thinking that she was the vanilla type, she showed no signs of having any MAJOR kinks or anything like that.
now the story, so one day we had come back to mine after a day out, we got into my room and things started to heat up (Like normal) We went for a round and everything was ok, the normal vanilla stuff, so some time passes and we go for another round, this time half way through BG jumps out of bed and grabs a knife out of her bag, now this wasn't a normal kitchen knife, it was a knife with medium ridges on it (some what like a bread knife) not only that but it is covered in dried blood still. Well BG pulls out this knife and obviously i'm shook, i don't know why BG has this knife until she finally speaks up, BG asked if she could cut me with the knife while we have sex, i mean; i'm down for a lot of things but this isn't one of them, so i tell her that i'm not down, at this point BG has come over and sat on the bed, knife still in hand; she says ok and i think thats the end of it, until this time BG asks if i will cut her, now at this point my dick is inverted into my body i am hella turned off, i tell her no and that i would like her to leave, after she had left, i hopped on my phone and sent her a message saying that i don't want to see her anymore; now this wan't due to the fact that i didn't like her kink but more because i got no warning to her pulling out this knife.
Am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
VL6PCQPJz3pwvMOm8sfRXatsrerqTjF8 | b4c3zc | {
"description": "starting a relationship with my friend's ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for starting a relationship with my friend's ex? | So back in November 2016 a buddy of mine and his girlfriend (let's call her Emily) broke up they'd drifted apart the breakup wasn't a suprise to many regardless of them having been together for quite some time. I've been friends with them both ever since school same classes group of friends so on so forth and I didn't really want to take a side the breakup seemed amicable no drama or anything. Fast forward about 6 months I'm in the middle East deployed with the military and I'm planning on going travelling in Europe when I get home I've been consistently asking friends to come along if they have a bit of time free but most are busy with work so on fair enough I'm happy to go alone anyway. I ended up texting my buddy's ex like I said we're friends anyway and I know she's travelling in Asia and casually mention that in going travelling in Europe mainly asking her for any advice on it and I just mention that if she's free she should come with me and to my suprise about a day later I get a message from saying she'll come along. I'm quite surprised happy and worried at the same time it'll be good to have some company but I'm worried I may have crossed some sort of line with my pal back home.
Anyway I get back home a few months later and tell my friend about what's happening reassure him that it's not my intention to hook up with her.
So we go travelling and to cut a long story short about 2 weeks in we end up sleeping together not out of any plan it just happens and have a really great time for the next 3 weeks or so with the intention to break it off when we get back. So she goes back I spend another 2 weeks travelling. Now I also felt really bad that we were doing this in secret no one knew anything was happening we kept it very hush hush and planned on keeping it that way until I told my buddy. So when I got home I went to his house and explained he seemed ok with it but it was definitely an awkward atmosphere so I left relatively quickly. I told my best friend soon after and word started to spread and that's when all the drama with friends started saying that it wasn't fair and I wasn't a good friend and it made both me and Emily feel horrible because it's not like it was a one night stand we actually really enjoyed each others company and wanted to make a go of it and be happy but everyone's opinions kind of ruined the mood. For those of you wondering about time scale this whole ordeal happened in September so a full 10-11 months after Emily broke up with my pal.
Anyway we're in the process of buying our first house together and we're so happy I love her to bits she's a wonderful caring person and I'm happy to have gone through all the shit for her but it still plays on mind whether I did my buddy wrong so Reddit AITA?
TL;DR - Went travelling with my buddy's ex girlfriend 10 months after they broke up and hooked up with her we've now been together over 18 months. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Gn64t4FqtSzvANthQh9tbPBDyTUiPslm | a8lc5u | {
"description": "not sitting back down at a public event when asked",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not sitting back down at a public event when asked | In short, my wife and I were sitting down at a public event. It started to get crowded (open seating) so we stood back up. Mind you, we were early to the event and got our place “reserved” early.
Later, a couple of older ladies come in right behind us when we were sitting down. This is the point when it was crowded so we stood up, only to hear snarling of these old people behind us
She tapped us and said would you mind sitting back down, and we pretty much laughed and ignored her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
CzcCibapQmzd5Kf9NZtCf4gE7eQnOrpe | awhdsm | {
"description": "expecting the rules to apply in a community building tournament",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for expecting the rules to apply in a community building tournament? | TLDR: I joined a slow grow league for a niche game run by a store. There's an entry cost that I paid. The format isn't being followed and I'm unhappy with it.
​
Hey all, throwaway due to uncertainty and limited Reddit interaction. There are a lot of generalizations to make this post (hopefully) comprehensible for non-hobbyists in a specialized product.
​
I recently took up a new hobby that's essentially a mildly complex boardgame. It requires people to be invested quite heavily, buying components and miniatures with an optional painting of them aspect, it basically needs the local gaming store to endorse it for it to get off the ground in a serious way.
​
To try to create a local community, the store started a slow grow league. Basically you sign up, pay the equivalent of a reasonable restaurant's main course, then you claim points based on a long list of factors over a month with weekly changes to the size of the game to earn points (The games increase in size/complexity over the month).
The important factor in this instance is that the first two games you play in a week count for scoring, the ones beyond that don't.
Someone only got one game in the first week. At the tail end of that week they've requested that they be allowed to have a Week 1 game in Week 2 and have it count toward the point totals. The Game store owner running the league has given this the nod.
I also only got one game in Week 1 as well and could request the same, however I feel that it breaks the premise for the league I paid to participate in to go around the rules and allow a Week 1 game in week 2 for anyone. AITA for thinking the store is breaking their implicit promise on how the event was to be run? There was a two page document put together to run the league, it clearly spelled out how it was meant to work and this is outside of that framework. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
Qi7bdAceAty4hvuNCnrlt3Tn4uhrbUUl | b1hnh8 | {
"description": "Canceling Plans because of cold sores",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for Canceling Plans Because of Cold Sores? | To start I have suffered from cold sore outbreaks since I was 4. It's not due to an STD. But I have had crippling confidence issues when they arise. This particular breakout was one of my worst. I don't get the cute ones they use for Abreva commercials. They are to, put it mildly, horrendous, lip scaring monsters. I had plans to see a friend (a new romantic relationship just starting) while driving back home from an 11 hour trip. She was upset I hadn't stopped to see her while driving through, and I promised we could connect on my way back south. However over the weekend a breakout started to form and when it came to drive home Sunday, the flair up was bad. As stated above, it was a record bad one.
I made the excuse that after the long/busy weekend and nearly 20 hours of driving, I had been too tired and my timing was later than expected. It just wasn't going to work out that night. This wasn't a complete lie (it was late and I was tired), but I thought it better than saying I have a lip full of swollen and leaking love bumps. This is someone I am just starting a more than friends relationship with. I didn't want the her thought of me to be one where I have unsightly diseases hanging out on my lip. I have lost people/relationships to this same exact situation on more than one occasion.
Today we were talking and she wanted me to send a picture about something we were discussing while I was at work. I playfully refused, and she assumed I was lying or trying to avoid her. I decided that this is someone I wanted to be with, and eventually I would need to be honest. So I explained the situation, and that while I am healing up my lip still looked rather bad. I really didn't want to show it off. I was asked if that was the reason why I couldn't see her on my drive back. I was honest and said "yes", it was probably the main reason. She then went on to say how dumb she felt for feeling bad that I was tired and driving for so long. That she would have understood, and that I lied to her and ruined her trust she has with me. After talking all morning back and forth, it instantly became a "I have this and that to do, I don't know when I'll talk to you next. Have a great day" situation. I tried to explain that it wasn't a lie, everything I said had been true, but I withheld one bit and why I'm so self conscious about it. Its been communication black out since.
Reddit, I gotta know. Am I the Asshole here?
Just to get ahead of any questions; yes I know all the medications (OTC and Prescribed), herbal remedies, voodoo rituals and at home routines for cold sores. They don't usually work or help in any way they advertise. I have Valtrex for when I start to "feel" one come up. But I didn't catch this one because of traveling. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
8vsUih67NKcj84dJOwJNwhG6wSnQ4Dvg | a14fcv | {
"description": "kicking my friend out of my house",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking my friend out of my house. | TLDR: At the bottom
So, a little backstory between me and my friend, we have known each other for years about 4-5 at this point we are both recently out of high school and I got off on a good foot. I got a good job, and was able to go to school to go and start working on my associates. Now my friend also got a fairly good job, but never showed up to work he frequently lied to his employer, and lied to the people he lived with. Naturally he got fired, and was soon booted out of his place by his roommates, I offered to take him in for 300 bucks a month, which is much lower than the standard we have in the state we live in. He accepted and got a job at a large superstore chain which pays very well.
Now gets into the part on why I kicked him out. He started going through the process in which that got him fired from his first job the deceit, the excuse making, and the whining about his job. He never has never paid the agreed upon amount, but instead throws his money away on pointless shit novelty nick-knacks and whatnot e.g. A fallout bobble head that he paid 70 bucks for. The absolute worst straw is that in the two months in which he has been living here he hasn't taken a shower or a bath and has owned up to it, as a result I told him to pack everything up and to move out by the end of the month. He proceeded to tell me that I'm an asshole and that he hopes I get the bad karma I deserve someday.
So, am I the asshole for kicking him out for being deceitful, not taking care of himself, and hardly going to work?
TLDR: Kicked a friend out for deceit, complaining and not showering, says that I am an asshole and hopes bad things happen to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
N8G1GczHu7qKLL8v6AJZfJBxKCeLJhWL | b5gl8u | {
"description": "suing my landlord over unearthed property",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for suing my landlord over unearthed property? | I moved into my current property when I was nineteen along with my baby, I am now twenty four and my daughter is five and recently I have discovered we've been living in a house that isn't earthed.
The electrics had been messing up for a long time, to the point I had to stop buying bulbs for most of the rooms because of how regularly they would blow (lightbulbs arent cheap) but I had put it down to faulty wiring. (niave me) It wasn't until recently that I was made aware of how dangerous this is as one of the sockets blew without it causing the electric to trip which could have ended badly. A few years ago my daughters dad was electrocuted and was flung to the ground whilst re-fitting something (I can't remember, but it is important to make aware of)
I've had two electricans confirm with me that they would condemn the house and that it isn't safe. I have raised this issue with my landlord and he denied it, claiming that the electrics are safe. At this point, I don't even think he has landlord insurance either.
My landlord has knowingly neglected to keep us safe and has risked my daughters life. I have been paying thousands to him over this period of time when nothing has been done for us.
Would I be the asshole for taking action and suing? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CUHK4yhMqKr80oigBt8IXb8trm95C1YT | auyx67 | {
"description": "profiling a user",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for profiling a user? | Hello everyone!
​
I've posted here before and it's given me great insight on how to handle situations and has shown me different ways to look at scenarios so I come to all of you once again.
​
Cutting to the chase, I moderate for a fairly popular anime/game discord that has about 200 active members at any given time. That being said growth seems to have stagnated so new users are pretty stand out. One day someone joins and I immediately recognize their avatar as a character from a hentai (don't judge me), a REALLY messed up one. Like it's almost a meme how messed up it gets. I'm sure a few of you know which one I'm talking about. Needless to say when someone has a profile like that they're usually a troll, so I begin watching what they say whenever they're on, occasionally screencapping messages by them that I think might be suspicious.
​
Fast forward a month, we get a report that this guy is trying to scam people out of their accounts, and after checking some of my screencaps a lot of them now seem like he was potentially probing for security questions.
​
I bring all this up in the mod chat and one of the mods seems disturbed that I had all this stuff on him. I figure it's a non-issue but after we decide to ban the guy he brings up he doesn't think I should be a mod if I can't be unbiased. Now while it doesn't seem like any action will be taken against me, there was a lengthy discussion on it which makes me think I might have mishandled this? I don't think I did, I mean I ended up being right but am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0qlMrM3GWGoOYuudzeCNfllwEXb2deRy | akuccc | {
"description": "taking my x to small claims court",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for taking my x to small claims court? | Long story short we broke up and she let me know at the end of the month shes moving out that day. I own the house and we discussed breaking up in the beginning of the month and agreed to plan it out to not make it hard for either of us financially but decided at that point to work things out. Everything went super smooth with her moving out and she agreed to come up with a lesser amount of rent or leave some furniture since she didn't give me 30 days notice (required in oregon). Now i'm trying to be nice and ask for less than half a months rent as i know she needs to pay for medications and what not, but she keeps dodging the topic and now is telling me to stop texting her. I told her if she doesnt get back to me about it by next week and come to an agreement for a LESSER AMOUNT i will take it to small claims. AITA for taking her to court for the money? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
rdhtwS8PZnX3TARryBjLWrhLNiGa6jfO | a2k04r | {
"description": "not getting my nieces/nephew Xmas gifts",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not getting my nieces/nephew Xmas gifts? | My boyfriend and I have been really generous in the past for any occasion (e.g. bdays, graduations, Xmas). We finally have enough finances to move out into our own place. Because of this, we’d like to continue to save as much as possible. Are we assholes for not getting them gifts for Xmas? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
0oMKaUYmHaIl8t9MI0q8oCoDvdGx9Nzh | axp6ln | {
"description": "not seeking help",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not seeking help? | sorry for the throwaway.
i've been struggling with some less, some more serious mental health issues which are causing me to have severe moodswings, hallucinations, paranoia and more. i've been having these problems for over four years now, been on and off medication, was sent to a mental health clinic four times, been in and oit of therapy and i'm just tired of living at this point.
a year ago, i got back into school after not going for two years. i've handled my anxiety pretty well and actually found some friends.
after a few months, they became more aware about my problems and tried their best to help, but, being honestly, i didn't want help. i still don't want to recover, because i feel like after so much time, it isn't worth it anymore and i don't have the strength to keep fighting.
a few weeks ago, things kind of escalated and i had a breakdown. only two of my friends now. they are very sweet and still try to help, but i can see how miserable and worried they get whenever we talk about it. i even told them that i'd get it if they prefered not to talk to me about that, or to me in general because i didn't want to pull them down with me (i know that both of them have problems like that themselves), but they insist they'll be fine.
i'm not sure what to do.
i noticed how sad they are getting and i feel like it's my fault, because i gave up on myself and they didn't.
am i the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IucZ1aN5i3URqVUvErO7y6UKZVLwVNeG | b033ol | {
"description": "refusing to let my so pay for my meal",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA For Refusing to let my SO Pay for my Meal? | My girlfriend and I go to universities that are fairly far apart but come from the same home town. Because of this we are only able to see each other on breaks and during the summer. A few weeks ago we were home for reading week. A new restaurant opened up in town and my girlfriend really really wanted to go. However, because it was late in the year, the money I had earned from my job last summer was running pretty low.
I told her that I couldn't afford to go to the restaurant now, but I'd be happy to go during the summer after I've made some more cash. She said it was no big deal and she'd be more than happy to pay for me. I don't like accepting money from other people. I really don't. So I told her I'd prefer to wait until I can afford it myself. Side note, because I feel like it's relevant, I have paid for her meals many times over, but I don't like the idea of someone else paying for mine.
She was pretty upset that I wouldn't let her pay for me. AITA for refusing to accept her money? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
kJULweDB4xq11n6TNTLr7jIRpMmxPycu | axpbnw | {
"description": "getting upset after my best friend basically said she wouldn't support me if I ever had to get an abortion",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting upset after my best friend basically said she wouldn’t support me if I ever had to get an abortion? | So my best friend and I (both nearly 17) were with a group of friends and we were playing cards against humanity and drinking (we were probably a bit tipsy) and a card came up about a coat hanger abortion which led to this exchange
Friend 1: I think it’s so sad that some people feel the need to do that, that they can’t get a real abortion
My best friend: I think abortion is horrible, should be illegal and I will never support anything or anyone otherwise
(Basically all my friends were a bit WTF bc we all thought otherwise)
Friend 2: yeah but what if one of us got pregnant?
And me at the same time: I’m probably going to have to get an abortion if I ever fall pregnant, will you support me?
My best friend (which her hands over her ears): whatever just adopt out the baby
Friend 3: okkkkk let’s keep playing (which we did)
Basically I have a condition that would result in a very very painful pregnancy and a 80-90% chance of having a stillborn, so I’ve basically been told that it’s my health, or an abortion if I ever fall pregnant. My best friend knows all this and knows how upset I am because I’ve always wanted a lot of kids. I don’t think she ever really put the dots together with the whole ‘oh my bff has a v painful pregnancy, she’s gonna have an abortion’. I didn’t mean to put her on the spot with the whole ‘will you support me’ thing, but it kind of hurt knowing what she knew about me (none of my other friends really know about my medical condition other than the fact that I’ve been hospitalised over horrible period cramps). I never knew how she felt about abortion until now, but it makes sense because she is very religious. I feel horrible now because I feel like I made her look bad in front of our friends and put her on the spot and I’m worried that it will cause problems. I don’t want to bring it up again, but I feel like she’s avoiding me. I feel horrible. I don’t think she meant it in a bad or mean way towards me, she was just stating her opinion on the matter | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
1jBHKTcUqEmP0I6RPKlBEFLUz0pbzUYR | 9z1ps8 | {
"description": "breaking up with my gf after she forced me into a lifestyle that I hate",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for breaking up with my gf after she forced me into a lifestyle that i hate? | First of all, i'm brazillian and my english isn't the very best, please understand...
I am an extremely introverted person who likes to stay at home while she was a party girl and liked to do dumb shit for fun. Basically we lived one respecting the style of the other when she started to take me to the parties and dumb stuff that she did with her friends, I felt extremely uncomfortable but did not say anything. Until the day of her birthday party, where she drank a lot and got extremely drunk, she started to talk shit to me because I was not doing the same crap as her and basically forced me to have sex with her in the middle of the party just because there were other people making. Before the party was over I asked for an uber and left without any satisfaction, I broke up with her by message the next day and when I tell this story everyone says I should have thought better. What do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bd3pEbLCbJ7F82JyIyrBe6SxsMQEcIiL | a0absj | {
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend for talking to her ex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for talking to her ex | I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. She's more outgoing than I am: I have a few friends that I've known since I was a child that I still keep in close contact, and she has a much wider net of friends that she's relatively not that close with. I'm a very direct and open person, and she's similar, so we haven't had much difficulty so far in talking it out when there's been a problem. Before me, she was with somebody else for a year, and her ex is somebody who she's known since elementary school, but according to her, they used to talk every few months before they had started dating. They broke up a while before we started dating, but according to my girlfriend, the guy was going through a rough period in life, and had few friends other than her, so when we started dating she still regularly talked to him (messaged and called, since we and him are in different countries) mostly about his issues as far as I know. I could empathize with this, but still I told her that the fact that she was in contact this much annoyed me. She said he was a friend, and that she couldn't just abandon a friend because I asked. I realize that I have no right to ask her to stop talking to a friend because it makes me jealous, but still, for the following several months she talked to him much less often. Recently she again started talking to him regularly, "only sharing funny stuff on the internet" according to her, but I got mad and shared this with her. Again she brought up the fact that he is an old friend, and I try to understand, but this does not help how I feel about this. Every time I see a message notification from him when we're, say, playing/watching on her iPad my mood goes down noticably, and this causes some friction between us.
Am I the asshole for feeling this way? I'm not sure how I should be feeling about this. All of this just makes me unable to think long-term with her, and occasionally makes me want to not invest a lot in the relationship.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
G40bylvz8Fp0hRaOHTa8bZ7Tpo4RXMlf | b1yujx | {
"description": "driving safely",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for driving safely. | So a few weeks ago my family was going home at around 10 PM. Were stuck in traffic, and one car is blaring the horns behind us. I think they were drunk college students. In about 3 minutes traffic starts moving again. They drive past us, then one rolls down their window and gives us the finger (you know which one). Then he screamed "FuCk YoU".
We were just trying to get home safely. Were we the assholes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
pCEzc91xEZQorbUpJmIm8gaiXpC3EQXS | ax9q7v | {
"description": "fact checking my bosses false claims of inadequate productivty",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for fact checking my bosses false claims of inadequate productivty? | Title says it all my boss decided to go on a tirade the other day we use a group chat service to speak with each other remotely. He used the chat which had all employees in it to berate other employees and myself using mad up figures claiming we are overspending on labour time and that projects are stalled because we are inefficient , I used my very detailed time sheet to fact check all of his claims against me and prove that the figures he came up with for me were over inflated by at least 4 times actually expenses. I also used the task record I keep to fact check his claims of me not following through on projects by showing evidence that I submitted said projects for approval in a very timely manner and even reminded him several times that they need approval to which he never responded to me. I was very respectful used no vulgar language formatted it as healthy request for feedback and open forum for suggestion. I was fired today he said" it wasn't working out", he did it opening ,publicly and in our employee group chat in front of others, he is now ghosting me like it's a bad breakup and I have no idea how I'm going to get my tax information as I've been barred from viewing my time sheet in our system. Am I the asshole here??? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
3zb1C5yDam97z3pwm0Dy9YRCw3l3KyAz | a9ejvt | {
"description": "not wanting to talk to someone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to talk to someone? | I’m on mobile so you know the deal...
I’ve met this girl awhile back on the internet and we connected really well. We had a lot of shared interests and that stuff. Everything went well but then the chats we had stopped from being about things we were or would be doing or about our days it would only be about her and that she needed me to be there for her as she had depression. I’ve dealt with depression so I tried my best to help her in any way. But 5 months later to where we are now. I’m just so exhausted when I talk to her as it is everyday the exact same pattern.
She wakes up, then messages me how shitty she feels, ill comfort her and she’ll be happy for awhile then when I don’t talk to her for a couple hours or I’m at work so I can’t talk she gets mad and says I don’t care about her.
What should I do? I just want to end it but I don’t want to hurt her. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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kyytjUxPwt8MBBa3WhStcyu8vF9S5qIU | 9uvkcj | {
"description": "applying and getting accepted to the university my ex-best friend planned going to who didn't get accepted",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for applying and getting accepted to the university my ex-best friend planned going to who didn't get accepted? | Backstory: Me and my (ex-) best friend in high school, she shares plans to study at a specific university, she talks very confident about it, almost like she already ensured herself a seat. I ask her whether we should study together and she is cool with it. I personally was not too fond of the subject (but now I feel very comfortable with it). We both apply, I got accepted. I assumed she got accepted as well because her overall grades were better and she really wanted to study it. She didn't get a seat. She cut ties after she heard the news. I got to know from mutuals that she is studying the subject she intended to at a different university now. And all our mutual friends also turned their backs on me.
I recently got in contact with her. To be frank, it didn't go too well, she said that I ruined her plans and that I am a horrible, selfish leech.
I genuinely didn't mean to do any harm. It was pretty easy for me to apply and have a seat so I assumed the same for her. I wish to be friends with her again but was I actually the bad guy here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
IKDpaLrlwYgZkAIP1Ufe01KXS6Hl3ZVQ | b55k7h | {
"description": "waiting to break up with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for waiting to break up with my GF? | Hey so I’m (20M) dating my girlfriend (19F) and we have been dating for almost 2 years now. Just under a year ago we moved in together (yes I know bad on my part for being so young but we all learn somehow lol) anyways things haven’t been great lately and I’m definitely not happy or where I want to be in the relationship.
My problem isn’t that I don’t know how to break up with her or even worried about kicking her out, it’s that she’s in college and isn’t the most stable. She has 1 month left until she’s done her first year, as she’s just getting into finals now. I know that she could move back in with her parents or her best friend, and if she needed help moving her I would help to, I’m not an ass in that regard. I’ve mentioned to her that I’m not the happiest in the relationship right now, but I wanted to wait to end things with her until she’s at least done college for the year. AITA for waiting? (Also sorry for how bad I am at explaining this) | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nGghp92VexcH18FDvpIK27C7xMOFKdM5 | awexxi | {
"description": "using a Groupon on the first date",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for using a Groupon on the first date? | This was about 6 months ago when I (M19) first met my girlfriend (F19). Me and her laugh about it now, but I want to get Reddit's opinion on this. We met on Tinder and I took her out on a date to a pizza place I go to frequently. We never met in person before this point.
I tell her to order a pizza and an appetizer if she wanted, and I did the same. The reason for this was because I had a voucher for 50 bucks with of stuff that I wanted to use.
My reasoning behind the Groupon was if the date didn't go well, it wouldn't have been a complete loss, as I wouldn't be stuck with paying full price for a meal of a girl I knew for less than a week. I just like to save money where I can. Luckily, we hit it off very well and the date went off without a hitch.
I didn't think much of using it at the time, until she told me about it a few weeks ago. She says it was cute but I can't help but to feel embarrassed and stingy, especially considering I had accepted her offer to tip.
Was I the asshole in this situation? Do I need to learn proper Groupon-iquette? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
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} | RIGHT |
MTcshMOijGABVJ9WrSRmI9Vr45IfDBZl | 9zulxv | null | AITA Text exchange with a partner, | User is in **bold**, partners reply is in *italics*
**You going home to bed tonight or did you want to get together?**
**2:30 PM**
*Hey! This just came through....*
*You going home to bed tonight or did you want to get together?*
*Can we have a chat about " date nights"? I only saw this now but I feel it came through a bit ago... I am one of those people who like to make a few plans in advance. If I don't have plans for the evening By noonish of that day and I wish to do something I make plans.. seems reasonable right. My " rule " lol before whilst dating was that if a guy wanted a date Friday night he should ask me by Wednesday and if it was for Saturday he should ask/ make plans no later than Thursday.... I am not sure how you feel about this! I have made plans for the evening ( nothing big no other man !)*
*Although I can also be spontaneous! I do like to have some schedule to do things around the house, have a long soak in the bath watching tv, do chores etc!*
*Let me know your thoughts on this please.*
*5:16 PM*
**By the logic of this message, you didn't wish to do anything with me tonight nor this weekend. I can't say I'm impressed.**
**a) I asked you last weekend if I would see you this weekend.**
**b) I followed up and asked about your possible mid-week vacation.**
**c) I believe in equality. I believe that any woman I am with should ask me out equally as often as I do her.**
**d) I believed, wrongly apparently, that we were further along in our relationship and didn't need to schedule time with each other. I believed that when we had time, we would spend it together. I believed we wanted that time together and would BOTH make an effort to have it happen. 'Going steady' in your words.**
**e) If we are regressing to casual dating, I would like to resume seeing other people. My patience does not include spending 10+ dates together and then regressing to date nights that I must jump through hoops to organize. It also does not include wondering if you want to see me after spending a week apart. Which clearly you don't.**
**Finally, I understand the desire for a schedule and the need to plan your days and evenings given how hard you work. I hope that was the intent of your message.**
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
7whUIFqFG8Hp2uJPsSk7aadpeXPmlX0Z | aycri3 | {
"description": "being mad at my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For being mad at my grandmother? | Sorry if this is formatted wrong
Anyways, let me explain the situation. About two days ago, my grandmother invited her friend and their family over (a total of about 6 people), and served them food.
The problem with this is that the food wasn't JUST hers. My mother had made it (a large pot of soup) to feed the 10-11 people that already live here, and I feel like it was wrong for my grandmother to just use what was left of the soup to give to her friends (the soup was supposed to be for my father and brothers when they got home.)
Now, yeah, I know it's polite giving guests food, but my grandmother didn't contribute at ALL to buy the ingredients needed to make the food, nor did she help make it (All of the 6 adults that live in this house contribute to groceries, except her) (Note; She isn't jobless or anything, and according to her, she does make money.) She didn't ask if she could give it away either.
But I feel like i'm in the wrong for being mad at her about all of this, since she is one of the owners of the house that my family lives in. AITA for being upset with her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | WRONG |
cxplzzcoU8vlj5NxjUAv7KyZP9B9p6gY | azsiu2 | {
"description": "leaving my friend who was extremely tired and hungry, stranded in the city and (maybe) with no money to get back",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving my friend who was extremely tired and hungry, stranded in the city and (maybe) with no money to get back? | I was in my car and got to texting a friend who said she had just went gym which is around a 15 minutes drive from where I was. She said she hadn’t eaten properly (eating disorder), didn’t have money (not sure how true this is) and was too tired to even move. I called and she was already angry but I remained calm and it was obvious she wanted a lift so I said ok, drop your location and I’ll be there soon.
So I go to her location and it’s a no drive zone. I call her asking her if she can walk a little bit to me as I didn’t know where she was exactly but she just got really extraction at me saying you’ve tried to make the situation better but you’ve just made it worse and you always do this and just going on about why I drove there and not to her exactly. She was really close, like 5 minutes maximum walk.
After she said that I just told her I’m going back and she can get her own ride. Still not sure how she got back but whatever. After that she texted me saying it was really unfair for me to leave her so quickly and not talk it out at least and put up with it. I’m still not sure if I should have. Another thing that annoyed me about the situation is she kept mentioning she really wants food and I’m assuming she wanted me to buy her food.
So AITA?
Also some random background info, she’s been a friend for a few months and she helped me out of a really tough spot a while ago. Since then I’ve been doing really good but she still seems to have the same bad habits, same mentality and every time we meet I feel like the conversation is always about her problems and me trying to support her. I genuinely feel like I’ve helped her when she’s been in a tough spot as well but atm, I kinda feel guilt tripped to stick through her anger/depressive moods because she helped me? I DO want to help her but she makes it really hard to and I feel like I’m sort of the emotional sponge here and my job is literally to cheer her up every time we meet. She said that she only does that because I never talk about myself but she doesn’t really give me a chance to and she never asks questions about me. I’m positive it’s not just me being a plank either because I’ve been talking to a lot of people lately and I’ve never felt conversations were this one sided with anyone else.
So I guess a double AITA? Am I being a bad friend for not wanting to help her with problems even though she helped me with mine? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
V3Lkf1EfaNvgOb3Pabqum14HISZ9lP9k | awpihk | {
"description": "asking my wife to stop using HER inheritance as her personal slush fund",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I ask my wife to stop using HER inheritance as her personal slush fund? | Throwaway coz reasons. So my wife recently received a not insignificant amount of money after her parent passed away.
For background we have always pooled our money together to pay bills and expenses and split the remainder IF there was anything left. Over the years my contributions have been higher 99% of the time as my wife’s work is sporadic. Sometimes through her decisions sometimes through no fault of her own. She has always been not great with money and regularly overspends on herself and the household outside of our budget leaving nothing left to split once everything is covered.
We initially discussed using this money to finally clear our debts which would have used just under half of the inheritance (We have been paying the minimum for as long as I can remember as there is never anything left at the end of the month to tackle these). I can’t remember the exact timing but I think it was just before everything was to be finalised she suggested we not do that as it would use up a fair chunk and instead we should pay one debt and save the rest. I was in agreement as given where the money came from I didn’t think it was my place to really have a say.
Full disclosure: We both added to this one debt by buying some (very much needed) clothing which doubled the debt and this was then paid off.
Since then she has also bought herself, with my agreement some not inexpensive items that she had wanted for some time now and I would guess about a quarter is gone. She is still spending on smaller items but I’m starting to resent the fact that in my opinion she now has a personal slush fund for herself to use as she pleases while we still have the majority of our debts that I can’t really do anything with as my income is used to cover all the expenses. Her income is so sporadic and generally never enough to cover half.
My ideal would be to suggest she either keeps using her slush fund but contributes 50% of the expenses each month. This would let me have something at the end of the month/ Clear our debts while we still can or/ Stick will the plan and save what’s left.
I should also add that the majority of the debt is credit card debts run up to cover our living expenses when her income was low.
So will I be the asshole if I try to have a say in how this money should be used? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZVkdjFMLMAYzqF7nErUQvMgNvDjT1bol | acfmk6 | {
"description": "ignoring my friend after conflict",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring my friend after conflict? | Okay so this happened while I was in school, and in one of my classes we were just having a work day and I pull out my phone and ya know doing whatever, minding my own business. My friend is sitting next to me and doing the same. Then they begin to film a video, and smack my face. They were doing it as a joke and found it to be very funny but I didn't find that to be funny at all. It wasn't that hard of a smack but it wasn't a light tap either. Anyways, my first thought was to hit them back but I chose not to because I knew that would just escalate things and I just decided to move away just ignored them, like didn't acknowledge their existed which seemed petty to them instead of giving them what I believed they deserved. They said I took it personally and too far and that it was a joke. That made me a little more upset because I think that I was allowed to react how I did, feel how I felt. I will react however I feel is appropriate for a situation w/ conflict. I don't know, it's hard to not feel like an asshole for them saying that but whether I was an asshole or not, I think my choice was certainly better than engaging in conflict w/ them. What are your opinions? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JV773pddZ3LMgeyiUOwmddeEy01hq0SU | 9wl37h | {
"description": "calling out a coworker for wasting plastic",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling out a coworker for wasting plastic? | I work in a medical setting that has stacks of liter sized reusable plastic containers for patients drinks. This lady I work with started talking about her “revelation” of taking a few of the plastic jugs home, preparing her lunch salads in the jugs, taking them to work, and simply throwing them away when she’s done, that way she doesn’t have to deal with washing tupperware. I heard her bragging about this, and said “That’s such a waste of plastic though.” And she said “Well they’re gonna get thrown away anyway.” I said if you figure we work 200 shifts/year, that’s 200 plastic jugs. Then she said I was making her feel bad, which then made me feel like an asshole, but I can’t wrap my mind around her careless reasoning. Am I an asshole for bringing this to her attention? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
iYLhNHFUy6Tvqp4hM3tvttdOhbGdzZE9 | b3t0cb | {
"description": "being upset parents took a baby to a touring production of the Sound of Music",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being upset parents took a baby to a touring production of the Sound of Music? | Last week I went to see the touring production of the Sound of Music with a few friends. I’m a huge fan of musicals and I try to see as many as I can. Since I’m still a student, I can purchase tickets at a discounted price ($20 instead of $200 for similar seats).
Twice during the first act and again during the second act a baby started crying during the show. It happened during some of the more serious moments of the show and I was very annoyed.
I turned to my friends during intermission and after the show and said: who brings a baby to a show? I was really annoyed but my friends (who aren’t usually theatre goers) thought it was no big deal. They said maybe the parents couldn’t get a babysitter or something and I should have empathy for the parents.
Am I the asshole for having no sympathy for the parents? If you can’t make arrangements for your baby, then you can’t go see a play or musical. Wait until the kid is old enough to control their actions and possibly even enjoy the show. It’s not like you can easily leave the theatre if the baby decides its time to cry. It’s dark and it takes a minute to maneuver to the door. It’s a situation the parents can avoid (unlike babies crying in the supermarket or on a plane).
What do you think? AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
iPjZHd7FF0TgFhfsZONRWJPtIXRPrn0X | 9vznaj | {
"description": "telling my friends girlfriend he talks about her in demeaning ways",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friends girlfriend he talks about her in demeaning ways? | Hi, I’ll keep this short and sweet. I have a friend, not a very good one, who tends to be an asshole with people including me and the rest of our friend group. He’s just an overall very unfriendly and abrasive guy.
His girlfriend of two years broke up with him about a month ago, and he did not SEEM affected by it, of course he could’ve hid it well. So he has been talking to this other girl for maybe two weeks, and whenever I talk with him, if she comes up he will always talk about how he’s gonna “fuck her brains out” and things of that nature.
So I told her and she was disgusted by how he talked about her to us, let alone talking about this stuff before they did anything and before it’s gotten serious. She confronted this to him, and told him that I had told her, about the stuff he says and so she broke up with him.
Am I the asshole for warning her about this? Because now he won’t talk to me, and some of my closer friends in this group have made it very clear that I’m not welcome. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Nm3KDi9wwnOM6FJ0Wc0gV6clsLIPPLGe | b7fi5o | {
"description": "not waiting for my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not waiting for my friend? | My friend and I have our first 2 classes together, so we usually wait for each other and walk to our next class together. She got mad at me not long ago because I didn’t wait for her after 1st period. I told her that I didn’t always have to wait for her, and that it wasn’t like that she’d always wait for me before. She said that she had always waited for me, and then after that we didn’t speak for the whole day.
Before any of this happened we’d always sat together on the bus and at lunch. I’m not very good at talking to people or making friends so I wasn’t very close with the other girls at the table. After what happened before, she’d been ignoring me on the bus and at lunch, and since I wasn’t close to any of the other girls at the table I stopped sitting with her and went to sit with my other friend, and stopped sitting with her on the bus.
And then later, she confronted me about how I stopped sitting with her on the bus. I told her that I stopped sitting with her because she was ignoring me, but then she told me that I was the one ignoring her. She then proceeded to start complaining about how she was the one who always started the conversations and that I never started any. I told her that it wasn’t true, because it wasn’t. Even if it wasn’t as often as she started them, I know that I’ve started a lot of our conversations. She then told me about how the other day she’d said hi to me and tried to start a conversation with me and that I hadn’t responded, even though I said hi back to her. I told her that she shouldn’t come to me complaining that I never spoke to her. I also thought that if she’d approached me to try to start a conversation then she should’ve been the one to start it and not expect me to, because shortly after I said hi back to her she walked away and began talking to her other friends.
It began to go back and forth from there, and then she left telling me about how she’d always been a great friend to me, and that she always waited for me before, which isn’t 100% true.
That was the last time that we spoke, and it’s been several days now. Prior to this we’d been friends for about 4 years, so I thought it was kind of silly that it was ending over this. At first I thought that I wasn’t really in the wrong in this situation, but I’m not sure now. And sorry if this is long, I wanted to get in all the details. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
U9kzG5jSor8MeM1KKYY5oWb1gLeqV8i9 | a4xi2a | {
"description": "wanting to override my brother's desire to not adopt a cat if the rest of the family wants one",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to override my brother's desire to not adopt a cat if the rest of the family wants one? | Hello all. I’ve got a weird one today.
Posted on r/relationships as well because I both want to know what should be done and also want to know if I’m the asshole here. I'll refer to my little brother as John.
Long, sorry. See the bottom for a TL;DR
Background: me [F 22] and my little brother [M 19] live at home with our parents [MF 62]. I am attending a nearby university for a one-year grad school program and working on the weekends. John graduated high school a few months ago, dropped out of community college, and is trying to get a job in IT. He has had two 3-month positions and has not searched for a new one when this job ends in three weeks. John aspires to be a Twitch streamer. My parents both work – my mother being a nurse and my father being a contractor. It may also be important to note that we all have mental illness problems in my family. My parents, myself, and my older brother all cope well and use medication for various forms of depression. John has GAD, depression, and some unknown mood disorder. He is not compliant with his medications.
My family has always had cats. My two brothers (28 and 19) are allergic to cats, but my older brother adopted a cat before he knew he was allergic. Over time they acclimated to our cat and had no problems unless they rubbed their faces in her fur. Our first cat was killed by a loose dog a few years ago and we adopted another. When my older brother moved out he took that cat with him. Since then, we (my parents and I) have missed having an animal in the house.
My father grew up with all sorts of cats, dogs, and farm animals. He loves them all. My mother grew up with a dog. She’s not so much a cat person, but mainly because the cats we’ve had haven’t been lap cats, which she values. As I said, they miss having an animal presence. Now that we’re grown, my parents decided they wanted a dog. They’re getting older (62) and haven’t had a dog in 35 years due to my brothers’ allergies. We had no idea that they’ve been wanting one for decades. We were all happy that they were finally able to do something for themselves after caring for us for years. They adopted a beautiful, 9-year-old, 80lb mutt named Hank. He thought he was a lap dog, never barked, and was so chill. Within a few days, however, they had to return him to the shelter. John has a phobia of dogs due to prior experience, however, he said he loved Hank and didn’t mind having a dog. John was apparently so afraid of Hank that he wouldn’t leave his room. I can’t blame him for not knowing how it would affect him. Still, this surprised us as he loved Hank at the shelter and agreed happily. Maybe he was just trying to make our parents happy. Regardless, they were devastated.
Now, a few years later, we’ve been discussing getting a cat. I unintendedly brought up the conversation but showing my parents pictures of cute cats and constantly saying “I love cats”. As hard as it is to believe, I was not planning or hoping to get a cat. I will only be living with my parents for another year and I wouldn’t want to dump a cat on them. That would be selfish. I can still vicariously enjoy them. Apparently, my comments made them consider it, and they called a family meeting. Everyone agreed, including John, although he was rather apathetic. So we went to the shelter, fell in love with a 6-year-old bonded pair, and started filling out the paperwork. John found a tiny 4-month old kitten that he wanted, but my parents said no because honestly it will probably outlive them. At this point, a woman with a tiny, yapping purse dog came in. John's anxiety shot up so he went outside. We were signing the last form when he came back and said he doesn’t want a cat. My father and I were, again, heartbroken.
John's reasoning for not wanting a cat:
1. He walks fast and is afraid of spooking the cat.
2. Animals make him anxious.
3. He does not want the cat to chew his computer cables.
4. He’s allergic.
2 and 4 are valid. 1 is understandable but not necessarily a real issue. 3 I would consider bogus. A cat is not a chinchilla.
Here’s the kicker. Last week he changed his mind. He told us, expecting us to praise him and thank him. We did not. We planned to go to the shelter yesterday. John called my older brother and complained, saying he feels outnumbered. After this comment, we had another meeting. My parents tried calmly to explain why they want a cat and he exploded (his honest-to-goodness usual reaction to being told “no”). My mother decided it’s not worth it. She feels like saying yes to one is saying no to the other.
Naturally, I’m mad over all of this. John has a history of being extremely emotionally manipulative towards my parents. He’s typically gotten what he wants.
So AITA here? I don’t know what the appropriate response is. It’s 3-against-1 but is it acceptable to overlook the concerns of one family member for the wants of another? That seems wrong.
TL;DR My adult brother does not want my family to have a cat. The rest of us do. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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O0yyNFha1emb2hoPYipl7d35Nz2PsvZv | 9ttoi6 | null | AITA SO wants to go for lunch with guy from the office. AITA for saying it not appropriate and I'm not comfortable with it. | Been with my SO for a few years. Started as an office romance and we now live as well as work together.
There is a guy from our work who i feel is a bit of a creep and I know he has made inappropriate comments to my SO in the past in front of his guy friends (minor locker room talk). I also have been told by a mutual friend of ours he is an asshole (without going into detail).
Anyway he and my SO are friends. He is organising a work dinner and had suggested to my SO to go to the restaurant in advance for the menu for lunch.
I told her I didn't feel comfortable with this, and feel he is taking advantage of his position to practically go on a date with her.
This guy has other friends in the office and I feel is at the very least asking her because he prefers female company.
I trust my SO but do not trust this guy. AITA and being jealous as my SO alleges or is this guy overstepping the mark and potentially setting up an awkward situation that I am trying to warn her to avoid. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
5I33f55tZLVAhTYinrVYVG3LnZ15b4I8 | ap5ij5 | {
"description": "clipping my nails in public",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for clipping my nails in public | I had some free time in a small fairly secluded woody park and received more than one dirty look for clipping my nails. Is said activity rude? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
V9atIsiuIYJu4CF4Nxd6s2kHYs4IRqhN | a4y8uf | {
"description": "refusing to waste my break on a preparing for work moral events",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for refusing to waste my break on a preparing for work moral events? | Wasn't sure how to title this. Basically, I've worked for the same company for several years. The previous campus I worked at was a very toxic place so things like "spirit week" wasn't a thing. I transferred to a new campus last spring, the the people here are SUPER friendly and always doing moral building activities. Its nice being in a building where I don't have (literally) worry about making eye contact with my coworkers, so when I was invited to join my unit's "Family Feud" team, I jumped on it. The game is this afternoon after lunch and up until this morning's team meeting, I was very excited about it.
Apparently, the rest of my team is going to be quizzing each other on Christmas trivia to prepare for the game during lunch. When I passed, and said I wouldn't be here for lunch. I was told I'm not being a "team player" and they're worried im not "taking this seriously" and "toxic".
Look. I would get what they were saying if this was a Jeopardy knock off, or Who Wants to be a Millionaire? But this is Family Feud, and that's not how this game functions. I spend my lunch paying bills, and scheduling doctors appointments for my kid (Ongoing health issues), etc, and I don't want to waste the precious little time I have on something pointless.
So, AITA for: 1. thinking they're overreacting and 2. Refusing to spend my break playing trivia time? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
JGB3psK1QBll40Lrh0lW27saN5EQ6Bsk | aa6l2m | {
"description": "refusing to stay with my parents for an extra month over someone else's anxiety attack",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to stay with my parents for an extra month over someone else's anxiety attack? | So these whole events have just happened and I feel like a dick but I also feel like I wasn't treated or consulted fairly in the first place and it's become a bigger deal than it needed to be.
Cliff notes: I'm moving in with my SO in April as that's when her lease ends.
My lease ends in January so for a few months I'm staying with my parents as a short term extension was a hassle for roommates and things. It's a small room and inconveniencing them as they are already in a duel living home with a family above them.
SO lives with her brother in a 2 room apartment. When it came to pass that SO and I were moving out, he and his girlfriend decided to do the same instead of finding a new roommate.
Tl:dr We had all agreed 2-3 months ago to move out at the end of their lease in April, with me at my parents house in the interlude.
Flash forward to today. SO and I are informed by her brother (B) that his girlfriend (BG = brother girlfriend) has had an anxiety attack last night about the move and the events and organisational things and they decided to push the move back another month. They then ask/tell my SO who says that she thinks it's ok but will talk to me about it. He then goes and talks to the landlord straight away and extends the lease.
I receive a call from SO who tells me what she knows and that they're pushing it back another month and I basically say that I'm not having it. In my view the only person who should've been asked about this was me as me and my family(who I'm staying with) are the only ones affected by this. BG is a lovely woman and although I'm not an anxious person myself I do understand others can become overwhelmed. I just feel like the decision was made too quickly in order to calm BG in the heat of the moment and that it doesn't really solve anything as I'm 100% certain she'll have another.
I'm not trying to say that in a mean way, I'm just saying that if we'll have to set a line in the sand and refuse a request made in a panic attack later on, we may as well do it now so she has months to come to terms with and sort out all the details.
My suggestion is if her brother made the decision then he can stick to it. SO and I can move out as planned and he can pay her rent for 1 month(he can easily afford it). The second worse scenario is I move in with SO and her brother. Or we let BG decide and I stay with my parents an extra month.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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03qUSRdZCWcvdHraJkCZki8byAMIuXWm | b1wbgf | {
"description": "not wanting emotional incest",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting emotional incest? | I (26 M) grew up as an only child. My parents divorced when I was 5yo and I lived with my mother after it happened. My dad was still in the picture but I lived with my mom. She's been remarried once, but then divorced again as I was entering high school. Since then, she's only been able to hold a relationship for a couple years at the most and currently lives alone.
Anyway, I'm currently in a committed relationship and have been for about 3-4 years (was long distance at first, now we live together). My gf (25 F) is somebody whom I trust with my life and I respect her judgement to an umpteenth degree because she is usually very rational. As I transition to adulthood, I have had to set boundaries with my mother in order to allow myself independence. My mother has taken each "line in the sand" that I've drawn as me "changing the rules" on her and reacted with confusion and frustration before eventually accepting the terms.
At least 60% of the fights between my gf and I (there are relatively few) have been about something my mom is doing that my gf finds odd or intrusive, but that I'm used to. Since my early teens (before meeting my gf), I've had thoughts that she viewed me as a way to emotionally unload and I reacted to that by shutting it down before ever realizing exactly what was happening. She confided in me about very adult dilemmas while I was still too young to understand the consequences of her decisions within that context.
One of the hardest things about this is that I know that my mother's intentions are good, and she genuinely cares about us (specifically me). However, her actions have a net negative effect in that they create unnecessary drama within my relationship. It recently came to a head when she called me at 9:00pm after 4 days of radio silence and the phone call started like this:
Her: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Working on a presentation. What's up?"
Her: "I feel like there was some friction last time we talked. Can we resolve that?"
Me: "I'm in the middle of this, do you have some time to talk tomorrow?"
Her: "...No. *sigh*"
Me: "...Okay, what about the next day?"
Her: *Starts into the argument she was planning on having anyway*
I spent 45 mins arguing with her and explaining why the thing she was doing RIGHT NOW was manipulation. It felt like I fell into her trap, but I also got a few things off my chest.
The point is that I want to be a different kind of adult than her. I feel like she's been using me as a kind of "pseudo-partner" to unload her emotions because she doesn't have a long term relationship to deal with herself. It's causing stress in my own relationship and the only way I can keep that from happening is by decreasing the emotional support I provide to her, even though it will increase her stress. I'm afraid to bring up the concept of "emotional incest" with her because it's a disputed concept in psychology already and the name it was given is rather inflammatory.
AITA here?
| HISTORICAL | {
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2kHnicNwgD8eWQ9yqvNBhYmYbpHYNpuM | b452sg | {
"description": "requesting a welfare check on my neighbours",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for requesting a welfare check on my neighbours? | For a bit of backstory, I live in a condo and underneath me is a mom living with her grown son. These two have caused me problems for years. I work full time and sleep early so I’m never really home and I NEVER throw parties or act loud in absolutely any way other maybe dropping something here or there which is to be expected when living in an apartment. These two clearly live of welfare as they are home 24/7 and seem to take up entertaining themselves by calling the police on me every week and complaining about how extremely loud I am and I won’t let them sleep. They bang on on the ceiling and scream at me at 3 am while I’m sleeping (and have to wake up at 6 am) and claim that I’m being extremely loud and bothersome. One time they call the police on me for being loud while I was OUT on vacation. The condo manager entered my apartment only to find an empty place. Lately these two have been keeping me up because the son will be screaming at the mother for hours, sometimes it sounds like furniture is being thrown around. These don’t sound like little disagreements, but full on screaming fit to the point where he’s losing his voice. I decided that I had enough and took it upon myself to report the son for what seems to be elder abuse and asked if the police can “check up” on them. In my mind I feel like it’s fair as it does sound pretty bad down there and I’m hoping these police visits every now and then will show them that I’m sick of being harassed by them. Also want to add that I have tried approaching them when i ran into them at the parking lot, but they felt threatened and called a private investigator on me who told me that’s i am never allowed to approach them or I will be “arrested” | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LHM8hCr6lT63GWs8NkiXdwmKP5ic99QZ | b7mfo0 | {
"description": "not helping my dad",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my Dad? | My parents are divorcing, they separated three years ago when my Dad developed a drug addiction, cheated continuously, had another baby, then pretended he wanted to change but continued to cheat and lie and string her along for another year. I also saw him gaslighting my Mum and being quite cruel to her. This really damaged my Mum’s mental health and self-esteem.
Anyway, they’re in the final stages of a lengthy divorce process and negotiating on assets etc. They own a business together which makes the divorce complicated. I just finished a law degree and opted not to actually practice (so I’m not qualified to give legal advice and this could cause liability in extreme cases).
Dad texted me one night when he was clearly drunk or on drugs asking me for legal advice in the divorce. I said I can’t because I’m not qualified. He ridiculed the fact that I’m not qualified. He got mad and tried to guilt me into helping him - saying he slaved away to send me to a good school (I went to private school on an academic scholarship) and uni (they helped me financially for the first three years of university). I definitely appreciate this and have expressed it to him.
Then he framed it as a family issue but he was really asking me to essentially negotiate with my Mum on his behalf about terms of the divorce. This is also an issue for me because I don’t want to be involved in their divorce for emotional reasons (I took the same approach to advising my Mum). I explained that and he again blew up at me, becoming sarcastic and rude via text, saying that I don’t appreciate what he did for me. I told him to get a lawyer who is actually qualified to do this.
There’s issues with finances because of actions my Mum has taken before the divorce has been finalised so I understand his stress. He then started saying “who’s going to pay these bills? Are you?” I ignored what seemed like sarcasm and he persisted actually asking me for a loan.
Because he was pretty nasty, manipulative and persistent even after I said no several times, I got mad as well. I haven’t talked to him since and muted him because I don’t want that negativity. It’s been about a month.
I have major debt from studying and only just got a well-paying full time job so it’s hard for me to help financially. There’s a lot more history - like my Dad had an abusive childhood and severe fears of abandonment. He mentioned all this when trying to get me to help him. So I feel bad that he’s obviously going through a hard time. And he really did go above and beyond when I was a kid (pre cocaine addiction). But he also got himself into this situation and I’m not equipped to deal with it nor do I want to be involved.
Am I the asshole here?
TLDR: I refused to help negotiate on behalf of my Dad in his divorce with Mum or give financial assistance to him even though he supported me through uni. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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Ll1x1bx9z7TX0GQPVNdEMWd1YHBOOl97 | b4bhhz | {
"description": "trying to dictate my housemates appliance usage",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA if i try to dictate my housemates appliance usage | Ive lived here a month now, been no issues. We got out first electricity bill in...
(Tldr i want to ask to limit usage of the vaccuum, dishwasher and washing machine because the electricity bill is more than im willing to live with)
Only one person in this house works. Thats D. Shes the only one who works, T is on disability with a shattered foot, and ive been looking for work for a year.
While shes home T will vaccuum, stack the dishwasher, put a load of washing on, but will hang it out (thankfully) instead of using the dryer. I tend to chuck my washing in with whatever load is getting turned on anyway.
D doesnt do much when shes home other than drink but shes just as fanatic about cleanliness.
Note. I have only initiated the washer being turned on ONCE in the month ive lived here. Other than that ive put my stuff in with theirs.
I havent turned the dishwasher on, even once. I actually dont know how, but i tend to handwash anyway. I only own, two of everything, mugs, cups, plates etc. And i reuse it all, i like to use the same mug all day. It doesnt get washed in between coffees because its pointless and wasteful.
T and D dont share that philosyphy, which brings me back to the electricity bill.
Ive been asked to contribute 60 bucks, which is my third. I cant afford 60 bucks. Im not sure anyone ever should be able to afford 60 bucks for a sparky bill and im pissed off that im being expected to.
My electricity usage boils down to charging my phone, having the TV turned on for the better half of the day, and boiling the kettle. While theirs boils down to 3 or 4 dishwashing cycles and running the washing machine at least once daily. We are three adults not a family of five. My sister with two kids doesnt pay this much electricity.
Im not asking should i debate who uses more electricity, i agreed when i moved in that bills are to be split three ways. So thats how its going to happen.
Concerning the not yet surfaced water bill, i have been asked not to take baths because it uses too much water.
I want to ask: Vaccuum every second day instead of daily, run the dishwasher once a day only, and use the washing machine every second day instead of daily. We all have enough clothes that we can go without washing them for a day.
NOTE. I and T are 21, D is 27.
So AITA if i try to tell them how often to use the dishwasher etc | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | WRONG |
9K8brHJO3U6gKHKmW3mBoX2n6GpzEWXP | 9vqabo | {
"description": "putting parental control on the family router's for my sister's phone because she talks on the phone loudly at night",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for putting parental control on the family router's for my sister's phone because she talks on the phone loudly at night? | Context: I'm 21M, sister's 18F, we both live at my parents', and they own/pay the internet; I'm the only one who has the password to access the router's GUI.
I'm also epileptic, and while I'm not sensitive to light, I'm sensitive to fatigue.
I go to sleep at 10 and browse reddit until 10:30 (gotta be honest here); I then wake up at 6 to get to work for 8.
Meanwhile, my sister goes in her bed at around the same time, but sometimes (three times per week, most of the time), she's on phone for HOURS during the night, until midnight sometimes. I don't know who exactly she's talking to, and I don't really care; she's not in a long-distance relationship, she has a bf who lives about 30 minutes away.
Now, I really like sleeping, and for health reasons, I need as much as possible.
I tried asking her one time, her solution was to go downstairs; this doesn't fix anything, I can still hear her very clearly. My parents tried to tell her to stop, but she doesn't.
At the moment, whenever I go to bed and hear her on the phone, I tell her to stop her call asap.
This has been persisting for a month and I'm getting tired of it.
I'd put a parental control rule that only enables the access from 5am to 10pm; I'd obviously not tell her in order to try to disencourage her to use the wifi after 10pm. I checked in advance and already know how to do it, and found her device in the router's list.
​
TL;DR: sister stops me from sleeping because of phone calls, I need to sleep, tried confronting to no avail, WIBTA if I put parental control rules on her phone? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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YBCS1rD4vEam9EloBAaVR360I8Ct5ilw | aprpqn | {
"description": "requesting my doctor's office set up guest WiFi",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for requesting my doctor’s office set up guest WiFi? | I recently started seeing a new doctor for allergy shots. The thing with allergy shots is that you have to stay in the office for half an hour for them to observe you in case you go into anaphylactic shock.
My doctor’s shot clinic hours are also pretty inconveniently in the middle of work hours (9:30 to noon) so I have arrive at work 1.5 hours later than I usually do, which is tough because it’s a crazy busy time and I’m swamped with work.
I asked at the beginning of my appointment whether they had guest WiFi I could use but they didn’t so I ended up just reading on my phone instead of doing work on my laptop (I need internet to work). It was a very unproductive half an hour.
Considering I will need to be going in multiple times a week for shots, I asked them if they would consider setting up a guest WiFi network for people to work during the half hour waiting period.
They seemed really annoyed and said it was not a priority for them and told me to get a hotspot on my phone instead (I can’t since my phone is company owned and they prohibit that).
AITA for making a what I thought was a reasonable request for a doctor’s office to set up guest WiFi? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
yFTNAhyYxfGrJqJZu80lD599sLJcKLlA | b8o8wa | {
"description": "standing firm on my choice of name",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for standing firm on my choice of name? | To be short: I came out as transgender to my parents. I chose a new name that is important to me, and one I settled on after a very long period of consideration. It's the one I'm comfortable with.
My parents are supportive, but my mother is very against my chosen name. She hasn't said why, and I only know about this because my father told me. From what I know, there was someone in her life that had that name, who she was not on good terms with.
I know the name that they would have given me had I been born the opposite sex. However it really doesn't resonate with me. The name I chose was chosen because it resonates with me.
So, AITA for standing firm on the name I chose? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 19,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6Z1DOQsp3Eff3fNxbfzv4ARq1IvvdzpZ | aqhsbd | {
"description": "not caring that my wife is the only person going to work today",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not caring that my wife is the only person going to work today? | On my actual account...
A little background
She is a teachers assistant at a local primary school that is 5 minutes up the road.
I am a student nurse that can work 8-12 hours a day +/- an hours drive.
Her parents are both retired and don’t work.
Her sister is going into labour today and her husband, also a teacher is not at work (at the same school). He’ll be taking paternity leave as such.
So she is the only person going into work and is complaining about it; me, I’m not biting and just ignore it.
I have some rare time off due to being in between placement and university; though I’m not fully enjoying it cos I still have to study and do various household tasks (which I don’t mind).
Every time I have some time off she doesn’t like it and complains every time despite getting all the school holidays off.
I pointed this out to her once, explaining that when I qualify, I’ll only get 28 days excluding weekends. She got very upset and defensive explaining that ‘she needs them cos it’s a demanding job’. I abandoned my argument cos I’d rather a peaceful life.
I have not revisited it nor do I ‘care’ when my wife goes to work and I don’t. I feel I am right and justified making that comment and I guess I am looking for a little outsider opinion to say I am the asshole or not.
I prolly won’t have time to look at the comments but will enjoy the read.
Peace x
| HISTORICAL | {
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eoy4g99x5xdU5IAR1gNpenIb2cAjzwqT | b4s3si | null | AITA boyfriend always on his phone | o I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now, we are both busy with our jobs and getting ready to graduate this may. Lately, every time we are together he is on his phone on Reddit or talking to his friends. I feel like he doesn't listen to me or wants to do anything. I just want to connect without technology. When I tell him how I feel, he just gets mad at me. Am I the asshole that wants him to not be on his phone when we are together? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
apsRp2HgQnabo8p3kjSbuSBen1ojWMo7 | ayt74j | {
"description": "wanting to not want work as hard as I do",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For wanting to not want work as hard as I do? | Throwaway account for reasons..
I've been at my job for a little over four years and I love it. But I feel like I do way more than some of my coworkers. I work 3 jobs within my job they only work one. But for that one job I am the main person to come to when they need information for it (it is computer based, and I know a lot about the data for it) or when things go wrong.
It just feels like I pick up their slack a lot, and none of them want to help me. I've tried teaching them the things I know, but they either don't understand or don't care.
I just wish sometimes that I could go to work and just do my job without having to worry about other people, fix mistakes other people made, or do extra work.
I know I've been extremely vague, but it just comes down to it. AITA for wanting to work as hard as I do. And yes, my coworkers know how I feel but they don't seem to care. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6tx1lTBsbNyHBVerid2ACYweMcng0kEs | alg0bc | {
"description": "changing my living plans with someone who wanted to room with me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for changing my living plans with someone who wanted to room with me | My friend's dad is going through a divorce and needs to move out sometime within the spring or summer. It's a particularly bad divorce so his now ex wife will probably be getting over half of his income. (If I had to guess he probably makes 70-80k a year) I am a 19 y/o college student and I will also be moving around that time because my current lease is up where I live. I am also transferring colleges after this semester so I want to live next to the college I am going to (which is about 20 mins from my current college).
I've been looking at 1 bedroom places for months, and applied to lots. That being said, my friend texts me 2 weeks ago and says his dad is looking for a roommate, so I told him if he is serious hmu. We talk and start looking at places.
One of the single bedroom places I applied to contacted me today, and it is way too good of a deal for me to pass up. Even living with my friends dad it would be still be cheaper, and its in a better location for me than where his dad wanted to live. So I told his dad a few things:
1. One of the single beds I applied to in the past wants me to tour and its a good deal I do not wanna pass up
2. If this doesn't work out I will happily continue my search with you.
3. If you desperately need a roommate, and cannot live without one and cannot find one in the next few months, feel free to contact me and I will change my living plans to accompany you.
My friend's dad told me that I can go for it, but followed up with a "looks like my life is still in shambles." I just feel awful, but I feel like when it comes to major monetary decisions in life I know I need to make the right move for me. Am I wrong for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OIvUWViW3wZu1lqChEtDrur2awQX0HeO | a4ekxi | {
"description": "not wanting to continue to play musical tablets with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to continue to play musical tablets with my sister? | On mobile blah blah blah, TL;DR on bottom
I bought my sister the newest Amazon Fire Tablet. She really wanted it, because she liked mine (my parents got it for me), but mine was an older generation.
When I gave it to her, she was very unhappy. Apparently the older generation tablets had some kind games built in that the newer ones didn't, and the games are not offered anymore. Simple fix, we return the tablet, and get a different one. I tell Amazon, we box it up, UPS is coming the next day, over and done.
She wakes up and decides she will give the tablet a chance. Cancel the return to Amazon, tell UPS not to come, reopen it, reconfigure it. The next day she's crying because she's now decided she doesn't want it again.
To make her happy, I give her my tablet, since that's the one she wants, and Amazon doesn't sell this generation anymore as new. She was happy with that. I reset the tablet (losing everything I have saved), give it to her, she gives me the new one, we both set it up to our accounts. Everyone happy, right?
No. A few days later she complains that she wants to change her mind.... Again. Maybe she didn't have the tablet long enough. Mind you, Amazon isn't like Google. Once you switch devices, everything you put on that device is gone. My downloaded books, everything. I think it only sincs certain things, and only if you have Prime, which I don't. (We use my mom's Prime, we don't need two). Now she's saying I'm a b*tch (or AH for the purpose of this sub), selfish, ruined her birthday. I haven't heard the end of it, and her birthday was a long time ago.
Am I wrong for putting my foot down with this indecisiveness?
TL;DR: Bought sister tablet she didn't like. Try to return it but changes mind. Changes her mind again and wants my tablet. Give it to her and, again, changes her mind. I say no more, and get called selfish | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JugCqLdg22aLELESRAhq1jjxe8VDIO8s | au9m3z | {
"description": "screening calls from delivery drivers",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for screening calls from delivery drivers? | I get a ton of spam calls and am also have trouble hearing/understanding people on the phone, and so I make heavy use of Google's call screening tool for numbers I don't know, even if I'm expecting a call - it plays a clear message that asks the person to state why they are calling, Google transcribes it in real time and then I can read it and know if I need to pick up.
Whenever I do delivery with any of the food apps, I type detailed directions for delivery to hopefully avoid a phone call. My building has a large driveway to park in, two large signs that are bright red with the name on it, and a 24-hour front desk person. All they have to do is pull in, drop the food at the desk, and be done.
Inevitably they will somehow not understand how to pull into the driveway, or insist that the huge lighted sign isn't actually there so they don't know where to go, or they'll just insist on calling me for some other reason. because I don't know the number that they're calling from, I'll use the screening service and often they'll just hang up on it and keep calling me back. I'll just keep screening it because I struggle to communicate on the phone and if they could just identify it to me that they are actually there by using the service which will transcribe the text to me, I can run right down and meet them. I also constantly monitor the app itself and when they are close, will often go down to the lobby so I am ready to meet them in person.
Today, I ordered breakfast and the person showed up 30 minutes before the app said they were supposed to, so I was not in the lobby and when I started receiving phone calls from an unknown number I screened them. The person repeatedly hung up on the screening service, and eventually just left the food at the desk. My front desk called me and I picked up because I have their number stored in my phone so I know it's them, and I went down and got the food. The lady at the desk said the driver was really irate about me not picking up the phone.
AITA? Phone communication is very difficult and o bend over backwards to provide contextual information ahead of time to make the delivery easy, and then also have a way to bridge the communication gap (transcribing call screening) and even pay close attention to the app, and still somehow the drivers are upset.
Because this person was mean to the lady at my friend ask, I went to head and adjusted the tip amount down to zero which I realized maybe an ass hole move on it's own, but what I really want to know here is if I am an ass hole for simply trying to use all of the technology options in front of me to optimize delivery and avoid a phone call.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
jQ80JdcAes9HCWcSrHphKUdeH5IKZv5Y | ad8t6d | {
"description": "insulting a drunk charged with burglary on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for insulting a drunk charged with burglary on Facebook? | So for context, my brother linked my name to another person's post sharing an article from a local news website about 'Local man charged with burglary' as I knew who this person was. It was someone I used to work with when I was working at Wal-Mart back 4-5 years ago. The news article reported that he attempted to break into a family's house with a circular power saw and was recklessly driving through the town in his truck drunk with .17 blood-alcohol reading.
My interaction with him was when he was a teenager being a part-timer at Wal-Mart for unloading the truck with me, he would constantly leave for the bathroom nearly every day as everyone on the receiving team would assume that he was texting on his phone instead of needing to use the bathroom. He was pushed to back in receiving after other departments he was in reported for using his phone as he couldn't do any of department responsibilities in a timely manner where he was slacking off and not doing his work. (Why the managers never fired him is beyond me. )
But I put down on a post detailing my background of what I knew about him and was very volatile in my verbiage because he caused property damage to two homes with driving through the yard of one home into another and the family he was threatening had a two-year-old child in the house that he was trying to break in with a power saw. My post ended with the following,
Warning: Post is graphically explicit with the name of the person redacted from my post on the article.
>!"I worked with this asshole in Walmart back then. For any context of his character, he was a lazy-ass employee that couldn't stay off his phone. He would frequently go to the bathroom on shifts to text (I presume no one takes 15 minute shits at the bathroom) and 'take his time' in doing his work. He was pushed to our area in receiving after he couldn't do any other department in work after other employees complained about his efficiency. The guy was a complete idiot that on father's day, he called sick in work, except one of the team members on the crew was friends with him on Facebook and found that he was out fishing. I believe he was fired after that. (Don't quote me on that.)!<
&#x200B;
>!<Drunkard's Name>, if you're reading this, you're a fucking useless idiot and your shit-eating grin makes it worse that you were so intoxicated to steal and threaten a family with a 2-year-old child with a power saw. I hope you're going to be somebody's glory hole to use until you're 46. You fucked over your life and I feel sorry for your mother that she raised a moron like yourself."!<
I feel that I may have been relishing justice being served and that someone I knew that didn't take his work seriously now was likely to go to jail for 25 years. Am I the asshole for this or am I justified for my comment? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
Yo7HAyLFkc6y7B9I19pRIJHl39GtS2iz | b9ut19 | {
"description": "getting upset with my mother ir not covering her mouth",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset with my mother ir not covering her mouth | I posted about this on a different sub, but I'm not sure if I should keep it there. Theres a lot that causes conflicts regarding my mother and I recently. But this is honestly bothers me and has impacted my health. Recently she has started to not cover her mouth when coughing. I've asked her and even begged her to cover her mouth as she has us going over and over with being sick. She claims she will do so but then moments later doesn't. I know I can't control people, but it's really just uncomfortable.
Is it wrong of me to be angry at her for this
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lbNwGl4p9zeeFsmMo2tRCH6CWvRToL0X | auq7u8 | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for not being feminine enough",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend for not being feminine enough? | I really love my girlfriend Alex, but to be frank, she feels more like one of my buddies that I also happen to put my penis in. It's gotten weird. At first, I loved this about Alex. She was so chill and laid back, we had similar interests and hobbies. It was awesome. She is a straight up tomboy and that's okay. I've always had a thing for the tomboy aesthetic. Girls with undercuts rock my world, but I think Alex's personality and mannerisms are too masculine for me. Take for example if I try to open up to her emotionally, she reacts like a dude and busts my balls. Don't get me wrong, we have top notch banter, but I would like more than that. She doesn't allow herself to be emotionally vulnerable either. I've caught her more than a few times crying and when I try to go to her, she gives me the ol' I got allergies excuse and brushes me off. I've never seen anything quite like it in a woman, to be honest. I really do love and care about this girl tho. She's really cool, just not wifey material. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
74g4OR4nvLRG7wdYa2eQNKiuSJvxFRDB | b32jri | {
"description": "inviting other friends onto a project I originally created with someone else",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for inviting other friends onto a project I originally created with someone else? | Genuinely conflicted here. I have a good friend who is flaky as all fuck. We came up with a drunken idea over Skype (she’s in a different country) for a podcast. Since then, I’ve been seriously working on it and have a solid idea and plan in place. Predictably, she hasn’t responded to any of my messages and probably won’t for months.
I have another friend who is super reliable and lives in my city. She has another friend who would be a great addition as well.
I feel so conflicted. I have worked hard on this idea and want to actually do it. If I wait for Friend A, it’ll probably never happen, or will be super sporadic. However, I feel like a total ass for considering presenting the project to someone more reliable.
Help! What do you think? WIBTA if I carry on the project with people who will actually make it happen? Or should I give Friend A more time? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mRWrR013MZ1fYfPaR2mESLIFo0Lo5m55 | aoo645 | {
"description": "not liking my autistic sister who I only found out recently has autism",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not liking my autistic sister who I only found out recently has autism? | Ever since I was young my sister (11) has always had all of the attention. She's also gotten all the awards and one-uped me. She always knew she was smart but she treated me like an idiot even though she's 2 1/2 years younger (I'm 14). Every time she'd say some fact and I'd say I knew it or I said some interesting fact she'd be like 'how did YOU know that' as if I'm an idiot. I'm not even a dumb kid. I'm pretty smart, I just have dyslexia and adhd but I still get mostly a's. But because of her none of my acomplishments get noticed.
My parents always seeme to focus on her. They focused on getting her into selective school and a scholarship but they didn't even try with scholarships for me and only gave me one selective school practice test. They help her heaps and tell her when there are all sorts of oppurtunities but didn't try do any of the reccomendations for me for my adhd and dyslexia even though with help I could do really well.
She also always has tantrumns. When I have friends over she'll insist on playing video games with us but if she doesn't win she'll throw a fit. One time I mentioned to my brother a new JonTron video was out because he's said many times JonTron was the only Youtuber he really watched and my sister had an hour long breakdown. I can't go a week without having a fight with her resulting in a tantrumn and I can't hang out with my friemds without including her so they have to expeirience it too.
My parents also seemed to only be invested in how she was. The past to years have been really shit for me (things are a bit better now). I've had suicidal thoughts, self harmed, struggled with my sexuality and remembered some repressed memories of sexual abuse. But yet no one could tell a thing was off and no one asked. I'm not say she shouldn't have the support, she definitly should, she needs it, but it feels like my parents are neglecting to help me
Theres a lot of other small reasons I grew to dislike her like her saying socially unnaceptable things and being a bit of a bitch and being mean to other people or being selfish.
I only found out she has autism a few months ago but I had grown a hatred for her when I was younger which was now more of a dislike but I still feel bad. I've been trying to like her more but it's hard. I feel like a bit of an asshole, but what do you think? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
cvd44yKSxKzKPzps06gEsxdxnVp0Jpmq | ar4fjm | {
"description": "skipping some of my bf's kids activities",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for skipping some of my bf's kids activities? | TL;DR at bottom.
I'm a childless female in my early thirties, dating a man in his late twenties. His daughter is 8. During the school year, he has her every other weekend and one evening a week.
He comes from a very close knit family. They are very active and involved in their children's lives. His daughter is in many extracurricular activities. In the 3 years we have been dating, she has been in 4H, cheerleading, tumbling, basketball, and almost year round softball. This past summer and fall, she played on 3 softball teams. I honestly did not know this was possible.
I am not a social person. I don't like crowds or loud noises. In all honesty, I especially dislike crowds of children. I frequently attend her games and practices anyway. She often asks me to go and I love her.
It also feels like my boyfriend expects me to be there. His parents usually coached his teams. My mother attended some games but usually dropped me off to practices. She attended some games and was the only member of my family to do so. This is normal to me. In contrast, the daughter's first basketball game this season had 11 people attending to watch her.
I think it would be acceptable to attend 2 or 3 games of each sport per season. I'm honestly not sure how many I attend now. It varies depending on my work schedule. My boyfriend seems to think I attend less frequently (at least in relation to the total number of events) than I do.
AITA for kind of hating these activities? WIBTA if I go less frequently while trying to make sure this little girl knows I love her?
TL;DR: boyfriend's daughter is very active in extracurricular activities and his tight knit family attends (what seems to me) an unusual number of them. AITA/WIBTA if I go less frequently?
For the record, I consider myself the only potential asshole here.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ghI6qGc8wHzvyHTOjTTvjbGJxNAX8eAi | b96g26 | {
"description": "not giving gifts to my sister like I do for my friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving gifts to my sister like I do for my friends? | So me (18) and my sister (21) (living at parent's for a bit, both have jobs) have never been that close (several Incidents Of Fighting but although that is a bit relevant I don't think it's fair to her to disclose details). Mostly we just sit at home and ignore each other, never talking unless we need the other's help (like finding something around the house, or doing chores). And sometimes I buy figurines for myself (those little blind box things, what made me type this up was some sailor moon figurines). She always says if I get an extra I should give it to her, but I say I'm going to give it to my girlfriend then friends over her because I'm much closer to them. I don't necessarily think she's the asshole for asking but her getting offended when I said I'd rather give them to my friends felt a little bit much. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pjoJOtZhX7oElEPAMpA02fp6iJtVrMsY | b26b21 | {
"description": "blocking a girl who was mean to me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for blocking a girl who was mean to me? | Ok so here’s some backstory: I was on greed 4 or 5 and this girl was new let’s call her “Lia” Lia was really nice at first and I introduced her to my friends she pulled me aside after I introduced her and asked if they were Christian or had any beliefs cause she didn’t want to offend them, which I thought was really nice. I said my friend let’s call her “Mimi” is Christian. After a few months Lia started being kinda mean here are some examples: I said I did meditation she said if I kept doing it I would become a hobo, she said I would die soon cause I was vegetarian and the queen eats meat everyday and is over 100 (the queen does not eat meat everyday), one time I fell down some stairs and she just laughed didn’t help me up or ask if I was ok, one time i slept over at her house and she went on my iPad (which had a password but she looked when I put it in) and played my games and used my in game money (isn’t that bad bad she had done a lot before) I eventually left that school cause I have extreme social anxiety and I would have anxiety attacks twice a day and I started to be homeschooled. A few weeks ago Lia found my FB page and messaged me. She said she was sorry and she was vegetarian now and wanted to be my friend and said people were taking about me at school saying I was mad at her and my “friends” told so many people that I was mad at her for TOUCHING MY IPAD people only thought I was angry about that. So I had a small anxiety attack in my room and she said my closest friend told a bunch of people that I was mad at her. I felt sad, betrayed and like I was a horrible person. I talked to my sister and she says I shouldn’t be friends with her so I said this. “I don’t know if I can still be friends with you, I’m still rlly hurt and I’m trying to get better” and I blocked her. I told Mimi who knows about my issues and told me I was mean so I unblocked her and Lia blocked me because she told her mum and her mum HATES me because I had a yt channel where I played games and I played ukulele with my friends in a “band” so I asked Mimi to tell her I was sorry and we can be friends so she unblocks me and says “Thanks I really appreciate it and I know you mean well but I think you’re a few years to late, I hope you find other friends but for now all I can do is wish that we have both learnt from this, together and can be better people.” I said “I feel like a crappy person” and she says word for word “UwU so do I” I sent her a pic of my dog and she sent a pic of hers and now we are friends and I just thought after I said bye “how did that happen” I go to a new school with Mimi and when I saw her the next day she acted like nothing happened (Lia was also mean to her sometimes) and I kinda avoid her at school now I still talk to her but I don’t hang out with her anymore so now I’m back to only having two friends.... am I the ass hole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KvfnxYY8Z1yRp8N2LufrPrKz074uXuTS | adog6l | {
"description": "being mad at my fwb",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being mad at my FWB | So this is exactly as the title states. I've had a falling out with my FWB. Sorry for bad formatting and whatever. I'm posting from my phone.
This all started when we kissed. It was not intended as he was just a friend, but we just happened to click. He got out of a relationship a bit before and wasn't ready for a new one yet and I am too busy with work and school to focus on a relationship, so we decided to not take it any further. We kept it at kissing, making out, going on dates and foreplay. I am not one for being physically intimate, so sex was off the table for now and any other form of physical contact is at a minimum.
We went on one date and it was amazing. I felt like I was in a good mood and felt comfortable around him and the night consisted of me initiating holding him (instead of the other way around) and whatnot. At the end of the night, he texted me and said he had a really good time and hopes that I will open up more to him and the idea of being more physically affectionate. I agreed and the night ended.
Afterwards, we didnt have much plans made and I was hanging out with other friends. They are guys. Every time I would text my FWB about my time hanging out with a friend (platonically), I could feel a wave of jealousy wash over him. His texts seemed quite passive aggressive. Like for example, I was hanging out with a childhood friend of mine who is a guy and he said "have fun on your date. Lol" in a "joking" manor. I got a little frustrated and decided to stop replying. I always told him that if he finds someone else, I wouldn't be mad if he decided to pursue them. I told him to let me know so I wouldn't be an interference and we would resume a normal friendship. He agreed.
This whole jealousy thing continued into what I described to be "clingy". Whenever I didnt start the conversation by 5 PM, he would text me saying that he was upset that I didnt text him all day because he missed me, which was confusing because he could have texted first too. He would also get upset when I would read his messages and not reply. The only messages I would not reply to would be ones that seemed to be a dead end such as "okay". I kinda shrugged it off.
Him getting upset about me not responding/texting first continued and I told him that we arent dating and I'm not obligated to reply to him. This upset him. He started getting very short with his messages. I felt like he was starting to play mind games. I told him so. This made him more mad and we had an argument. I told him we need to talk about this in person. He agreed. I gave him times I'm free and he said he would let me know when he could.
Days passed and I got no response on when we would talk. I messaged him and asked him if he knew when he could. He said he didnt know. At that point, my week was about to be busy and I only had one day I could meet up with him to talk. I asked him if the day/time worked out. He said he would let me know. He never did. The day came and he asked where I would like to meet up. I got frustrated because he never let me know if that time would work and I had made new plans. He got mad and it escalated to him saying he wouldnt want to be friends anymore because he felt like I didnt care. I was so done that i just agreed. As soon as I sent the message, I regret it and told him I said it out of anger and would want to be friends still and that I still want to talk. It took him half an hour of messaging to convince him.
Since then, we've scheduled times to talk, but he keeps bailing. I feel upset because I enjoyed spending time with him as a friend and as a FWB. I cant help but feel that it's my fault.
AITA?
(SORRY FOR THE NOVEL)
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
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