id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
yVzLYDiVWjLyq9rw59lWQJmBGu2DmPgg | ap1h08 | {
"description": "changing Wifi Password on Roommate",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For changing Wifi Password on Roommate? | Tonight my roommate refused to pay wifi because someone is eating her food and she is sure it is me.
It is not me.
She said the 2 other roommates also suggest it was me, backing up her claim. Nobody has any evidence they just think it because to them it is the most likely scenario. One of them is doing it and lieing, but I don't know who that is.
I tried to hash it out over group text but we got no where. When I tried to break down their reasoning and show them how there is no evidence at all they stopped responding.
TL:DR
The roommate falsely accusing me of eating her food has declined two venmo request for wifi, stating she wont pay until the stealing of her food ends. I did not steal her food.
Today I am changing the wifi password and refunding the two other roommates the money they paid this month for it. Theres no way to remove just one person from the wifi and they will surely share it..Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
xj2PJYI51qExZsEdXSOcGp1f49l5tNKn | aazb1r | {
"description": "snapping at my mom when she's going through a rough time",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for snapping at my Mom when she’s going through a rough time. | I created this Throwaway account so my friends don’t find out about my family issues on Reddit. This is one complicated shitstorm that has 14 years’ worth of back story so I’ll try my best to give you a brief and unbiased perspective.
This all started 14 years ago when my parents and I lived in a small city. We were told that my aunt suddenly passed away due to mental issues and misdiagnosis one day and my uncle was a complete emotional wreck and was in no state to take care of his 6 yrs old child ( I’ll call him Aaron). Our relatives and my uncle wanted to us move cities take care of my cousin Aaron, because my uncle works in middle east and comes back home only once a year. It was a mutually beneficial for both of us. My mom always wanted the best opportunities for me and moving to a bigger city means that she’ll be able to provide them all and at same time she’ll be able to take care of Aaron and bring him up like her own son.
In the beginning everything was good. My mom and dad are very strict about discipline and manners, but I’ve never seen them treat me favorably over him or vice versa. We got our asses whooped equally and treated to an ice-cream equally. But I could see something was off with my brother Aaron as he approached puberty. When he was 12 yrs. old my neighbor caught peeping through a keyhole when my mom was changing and another time my driver caught him peeping again when he was 14 yrs. old. He was creepy and started getting more and more aggressive and my mom said even his hugs were very inappropriate, but she still in my opinion treated us as equals.
Thing went out of control when Aaron started spiraling into some mental issues like OCD and Depression, and his father (My uncle) had to leave his job in the middle east due to Arab spring that sent the country spiraling through a bloody civil war. He is really nice man but the trauma of losing his wife led him to pamper him and silently enable him in being absolutely disrespectful and degrading to my parents. He would treat my mom like a servant and would threaten violence against my father if he was angry. My parents decided to bear through this humiliation because I was in high school and they didn’t want to me to lose out on the best opportunities because of this asshole.
Fast forward now 5 year later, I’m a 23 yrs. Old and I was able to follow my passion and graduate from a great college just like my parents hoped and I’m now employed in a different city with a decently well-paying job with enough income to support my standard of living without any financial issues. I have to mention that my parents completely funded my entire college expenses including monthly allowances. But, things at home have gotten worse. Aaron is increasing spiraling and going out of control and orders around my parents and treats them very disrespectfully. My parents especially my mom has grown to hate him and has started actively showing her displeasure. My father works as a government bureaucrat and he’s waiting for his promotion so my parents can move out of this shitshow but unfortunately due national politics and election his promotion has been delayed by 6 months. My Brother’s mental health has also steadily deteriorated, he doesn’t take his meds properly and my uncle has pampered him.
My mom calls me every day and cries to me about how she gets treated and horrible my brother behaves. I feel really helpless because she doesn’t want to leave my father alone and at the same time can’t stand living there. Its horrible hearing my mom cry and I feel absolutely distraught that I can’t do anything to help her. Today I snapped and told her off, I told her to not talk to me about this and asked her to leave me alone. She says she just wants to vent to someone she can trust (like me) but I’m an introvert and have difficulty processing emotions’, I just want to left alone. I hate feeling helpless and this is taking an emotional toll on me. She blames me for being selfish and self-centered after all she’s done for me and provided me with the best opportunities even going above and beyond in some cases. AITA the asshole here?
TL;DR : My parents are going through hell because of my abusive and disrespectful brother (who’s going through some mental issues), but can’t move out due to some external issues like national politics. My mom cries to me every day as a way of venting but today I snapped at her and told her to stop talking to me about this issue because I feel helpless and seeing her cry and vent out to me is taking an emotional toll on me. AITA the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6ff16dT4jAoyptqFaOxbyaRfmbGT2roD | azhlfn | {
"description": "dating my best friends boyfriend when they didn't even go out for a month",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA- For dating my best friends boyfriend when they didn’t even go out for a month? | This happened a while ago, like I’m talking about sophomore or junior of high school and I’m a freshman in college now but I wanted input. but basically a mutual friend of ours at the time wanted to set my best friend up with this guy at our school talent show because she thought they would be good together. Me and the guy talked a little at the talent show and the way we got off it seemed like we were friends for years. He kept making funny comments because he was sitting behind me and I kept turning around at the show and telling him to shut up because I thought it was funny. I didn’t think what was going to happen would happen.
Well low and behold my best friend at the time stopped wanting to hang out with him because she didn’t feel like it and he kept asking me what was wrong with her and this that etc. Me and him started FaceTiming more and getting deeper conversations and sooner or later I knew I was in love with this kid, but my best friend was dating him still and as much as I wanted to, I didn’t want to get involved.
But as time went on they finally broke it off because it just wasn’t working out and he turned to me when shit hit the fan.
I finally told him how I felt about him right before they broke up and said I had to tell my friend because if I didn’t and she found out not from me that it was going to make matters worse.
So I told her, and shit just went so bad so quick.
I got judged and and it got held against me because I was apparently such a shitty friend for liking her ex for not even a month.
I tried explaining to her that I can’t control how I feel and that it honestly wasn’t my fault for originally just wanting to be a good friend and be there for him when she wasn’t because she “just didn’t feel like hanging out with him.” But at the same time I understood how she could be hurt in this situation because I would feel the same way.
Me and the friend aren’t that close anymore and we don’t talk much because of that situation, and this friend was basically like a sister to me and we were super close. It still hurts me that she couldn’t be understanding, because if the relationship lasted longer I could understand but it wasn’t for that long. Me and the guy are still together 4 years later even though we’ve had our ups and downs he’s still my best friend even after the fact and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I miss that friend every day and the relationship we used to have but my boyfriend is my rock even 4 years later.
So because of the situation am I an ass hole for dating her ex for not even a month and being together with him 4 years later?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
PmItf4uImFOCQfdscySFDkVeuKwRAxu6 | aggnbn | {
"description": "avoiding a fight",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for avoiding a fight? | This is gonna be hard to explain.
My mom needed a message for TODAY that was sent by a bank to her smartphone which was damaged today, but didn't remember it whle asking for the message to be sent (that message is very important). The screen of that smartphone was broken by her boyfriend (she's divorced and now has another partner), who is also the one who sold her that smartphone, and can also repair it.
Her and her boyfriend fight all the time, once my mom got so angry that she threatened him with a knife which is scary.
Back to the subject: she blames her boyfriend for the fact that he broke the screen and that it could have affected the fact the smartphone was damaged today, so now she's very angry with him. I told him to come and repair it but he didn't have time.
I have a tablet that requires a large simcard and the one of my mom, well, ins't large enough, so she can't use my tablet to fix this easily (to use my number she would have to go to the bank to change it to mine and she doesn't have time now).
Because of all that I said now my mom wants to talk to him (and by talk i mean fight).
I didn't let her communicate with him using my tablet because, you know: fight.
She got very angry with me because of that.
So, I'm the asshole for not letting my mother talk (fight with) to him?
Im sorry if there's bad English and if the whole story was confusing, ask for more information if necessary. Thank you | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ic5wTVV9wDJgBjQl1mQLUyKcFIDGCVJY | b2hcbj | {
"description": "telling my friends the new rules for my mom's house",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friends the new rules for my mom’s house? | *Sorry for any formatting or other issues. I’m on mobile.
Background: 17F, kind of a pushover (just want to please people), friends were respectful of the house at first, but no longer clean the way they are supposed to.
My friends have been coming over to my house to drink for a while now. It’s usually under ten people, and it’s always super chill. They stay the night, and then clean the house the morning after and leave.
Lately they have been doing less and less cleaning wise. It was originally just a small bit of missed wrappers or whatever. Now, it’s bottles left everywhere, ash all over my table and floor, and more.
My mom got on my ass about this and told me “that things needed to change or they won’t be allowed over here ever again.”
So the meat: I sent a detailed message to the group chat neatly listing each and every point and new rule my mom made.
Now, I will admit this was not the nicest text because I was fuming at my mom for yelling at me. However, it was quite professional only with four total cuss words that my mom directly used for emphasis on her important rules.
I was suddenly flooded with rude and snippy comments. Being told to “stfu” and that “I honestly don’t care if I come to your house ever again.”
Was I the asshole for telling them the new rules my mom had laid out for me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XeF2gu6uAXlnLLajgDgPlsnwVwndnhCX | a2mnz6 | {
"description": "refusing to go to my best friends wedding",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to go to my best friends wedding? | A little backstory for context, my best friend and i have been close for about four years, and things started turning sour around this time last year.
So for a while I was living with my best friend (bf for short) and her family, and I didn't have anywhere else to go. All was well until she started seeing this guy, and it really got bad.
The first time was when I bought train tickets for bf and I to go visit a friend. We were only there for about an hour before she had her boyfriend come pick her up, leaving me stuck there by myself until the train came a few days later (I had no option to leave with her, his car only had two seats).
So I ended up staying up north for a while, and while I was gone her boyfriend stayed over for a while. Once I came back, he just never left (keep in mind we were sharing a bed so this entire time she made me sleep on the couch).
A few fights later and a months worth of sleepless nights on the couch, I decided to move. After a while I ended up forgiving her, and all was well. Recently she was going to come visit me for a week but ended up canceling on me because her boyfriend was coming to town, and I just decided that I was done dealing with her doing that kind of stuff to me. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7qFE5mKdV7pjNuaEYq2ETQ9xDrwkW5Xt | ai4lth | {
"description": "being upset that a former business partner and friend did not come to my party",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For being upset that a former business partner and friend did not come to my party? | I recently came back from a long trip, and my friends and coworkers set me up with a welcome back party.
A man who was at one point a very close friend and business partner did not show up, and im pissed off. We had a pretty big falling out but I still think he should of showed the respect of coming. My boss has told me that I am being silly and irrational.
A little background, this man and me once made a killing together in the early 2000s before I left. After I left on my trip, he used the money we earned together to invest in a separate business. I also fronted him 20,000 dollars to get us both started in the original business.
When I came back I was very angry for two reasons. 1)He never visited me when I was away, never even called and 2) He obviously also used both of our money to start a business I receive no money from.
He ends up in an accident that shatters his eye socket. He somehow blames me for this for whatever reason. I wish him a speedy recovery.
We discuss the matter with an older mediator we both know. We let bygones be bygones, and he agrees to return my intial investment with interest. As a man, I expected him to show up to my party to show everyone we work with the conflict is over.
By not showing up he disrespected me (again) and ruined my party. My boss is telling me to let it go and that im being unreasonable. Am I an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
tr77Y3qN2MqmoCJXkDfaxH050OcGz7ZB | aoh0wu | {
"description": "blocking my housemates devices from our broadband because he hasn't paid for months",
"pronormative_score": 62,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for blocking my housemates devices from our broadband because he hasn’t paid for months? | So I live with three other guys in a university house, for the past three months one of my housemates lets call him Sam has not paid me his share. When we first moved in we were going to get a basic broadband service as its cheaper and we are rarely at home to use it anyway (normally on campus studying or training for sports). However Sam said we need to get the fastest internet available as he plans on studying more from home and he uses a lot of data for his degree (he actually plays some computer game he thinks the rest of us don’t know about lol). The rest of us didn’t really mind this as it wasn’t much more expensive when split between all of us and he was going through a kind of tough time (dropped from the rugby first team and recently broke up with his gf). When I set the internet up we agreed that everyone would send me their 1/4 at the beginning of every month, the other guys set up a standing order but Sam didn’t which I didn’t really mind for the first few months as I would only have to send him a message and he would send it instantly. But for the past three months ill send him a message or speak to him in person and he’ll either ignore it or say he’ll send it later. This has meant that I’m paying for half of the broadband for this time and its adding up.
Anyway I confronted him about it a few days ago and said I would be blocking his and his new gfs devices until he’s paid off the three months he owes. He said its cool he would pay me when his gf goes later, I said that’s fine but I’m serious I will block your devices if you don’t pay soon. He then went back to his room and was laughing about how serious I am with his gf and how I think I’m so much better than him (which I was annoyed at as all I want him to do is pay me his portion of the broadband). I went to the gym to let off some steam and by the time I got back he hadn’t sent the money so I blocked his devices, to which he started throwing a tantrum in his room (I presume he was in the middle of some game) and it turns out he’s punched a whole in his wall. The next day he starts moaning at me about the damage he’s done to his wall and hand, and how it will come out of all our deposits (that is definitely not coming out of my deposit but that can be resolved at a later date). He has now come up to me today telling me about money problems (even though he smokes weed everyday) and how he has this piece of coursework that he needs to do and he will need access to the internet for it. He then told me he would pay me in full in a few days time after he’s finished his work. I told him that’s not my problem but I recommend he uses one of the libraries on campus to which he responds he doesn’t work well in them and I’m a bad friend. I still regard Sam as a good friend, just an annoying one at times and don’t want to ruin a friendship over something petty but also don’t like feeling being taken advantage of.
AITA for blocking Sams devices from the internet when he has an important piece of work to do and him not paying his part is not actually impacting on me financially at the moment? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 62,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 62,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
27xcyrQDvZD07advxU5vKV5fMGZ9kE9l | aobk8d | {
"description": "putting aside 2 K-cups",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For Putting Aside 2 K-Cups | So I volunteer at a non-profit and they have it where if you are the person who uses the last k cup you have to buy a new pack.
So not realizing this I used the last one. So everyone is telling me I have to get a new pack. I used one kcup of the 20ish pack so they wanted me to get a new pack of the same size.
I think this system sucks and makes no sense as I'm there once a week and some people are there full time. but I do it anyways. Thinking of how unfair it is I take two kcups and put them aside for myself.
Well someone found out and is telling everyone about it and they are calling me the asshole. I don't think i am. I paid for it and i should be able to set some aside. If they don't like it then i should he able to opt out and i can bring or buy my own coffee.
Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
g2kEbt6qmYWMVp8bwujqTH3RwLZCbORO | aqp90o | {
"description": "not wanting to hold babies",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Not Wanting To Hold Babies | I used to love them and fawn over them honestly. But, since I lost my baby last year I just don't have any interest in them any more. Which I know sounds horrible, but its painful for me to look at them. I don't even like looking at baby related stuff for gifts anymore. Its all just one big reminder of what I lost and can't have.
People always expect me to want to talk at their babies or hold them. And they get offended when I don't show interest. I don't want to force myself to go out of my comfort zone. I've come a long way since my loss, but it still leaves me with deep sadness whenever I'm around one.
One of my coworkers has several grandchildren who constantly stop by the office with her kids. One of them has a baby. This coworker will parade the grandkids around(even though we see them once a week at least) and shove the baby into my arms. I will then be stuck with the baby for several minutes while she coos over her grandkid and refuses to pick him back up.
Well today I just wasn't in the mood to deal with it. I told her I didn't want to hold him. She refused to take him back, so I set him on the floor. He can walk now so its not like I just put an infant down on the ground. I set him down on his feet and he waddled off perfectly fine. My coworker was really angry about it and told me I was out of line for setting the kid down (again she wouldn't pick him back up).
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 49,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 49,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
u12hFL0SsNUvNZEWHNlCqNrVBeMqtzPx | 9ywygm | {
"description": "wanting more squid",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting more squid? | My friend has a mom (which by the way is a complete bitch) that gives her tons of squid. The friend is really nice though, and the squid is amazing. Her mom stopped sending her squid packages because she's been doing awful in school. I've been going out of my way to help her get better grades, but still to no avail, we haven't gotten more squid. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
omgTPxUeqKeHqdWyndtbLxSCjy89kBdy | ar2evm | {
"description": "slapping my little cousin because he kicked me in the groin",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for slapping my little cousin because he kicked me in the groin? | So today I woke up to my little cousin (about 4 years old) kicking me in the groin with all his weight, I'm a male so this really hurt me, so I instinctively slapped him in the face because I was so frustrated, it took me 10 minutes to take a breath while he was crying out loud, I don't think I slapped him hard at all but I'm not sure about that, his mother comes in some time later and starts yelling at me and scolding me for slapping him, I told her what happened and she said it was all my fault for not waking up early (it was 11 AM when this happened). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
TTUkyboMG1FvsxD96FKp4iCYxKBxlftz | b771uf | {
"description": "telling my aunt off for not visiting my grandma in the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA for telling my aunt off for not visiting my grandma in the hospital? | So my night has been pretty shitty so I’ll keep this brief.
My grandma has not been in the best health here lately. Physical or mental. She’s become alarmingly forgetful. So forget full that she often doesn’t take her blood pressure pills or even eat regularly. Unfortunately, a combination of both has put her in the emergency tonight. I learned about this while at work and immediately rushed over after due not being able to get off early. My dad, stepmom, and one of my aunt were all there. My other aunt, I learned, had been informed well before me was not. Why? Because she could not be bothered.
I don’t know the complete depth of the relationship between my grandma and my aunt. I only know a few things from other relatives . It comes down to that my grandma has not always been the nicest woman. She played favorites among her six kids with the boys winning favor over the girls and an instance when she left with her youngest son and had the other five fend for themselves. That must of really hurt my aunt I’m sure.
I’m honestly not too surprised she didn’t come. She’s the type to only pop by when she needs something but that is some fucking cold shit to pull. Seeing my grandma in that hopistal bed so lost and confused, asking for her late mother and husband, makes my sad and pissed off at my aunt. I want call her and lite her ass up. WIBTA for doing that given the situation? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
nwLmvgV2EbelgQgFcg10EWmDYHd3Qv3Q | ah7btf | {
"description": "telling a buddy of mine that I could lend him money if needed",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - I told a buddy of mine that I could lend him money if needed | Long story short, 2 weeks ago I told a buddy of mine that I'd be willing to lend him some money knowing he was going through a rough time. He told me he was fine and didn't need any help at the moment.
Here's the catch. My birthday is tomorrow and I have been telling my group of friends that I wanted to do something big for the weekend. Out of the blue he says he needs $500 to help pay for a $1500 car payment he's been behind for the past 3 months.
Am I the asshole for not lending the money said I would help him with 2 weeks ago? Honestly feels fucked up how he asks for the money on my birthday weekend as he knows about the plans. He's been like a brother to me since childhood and he says he doesn't want his car repossessed.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1VGa2uV1ttcMMkJqf6AdixIxoZlMEDdB | aju52a | {
"description": "listening to music loud in my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for listening to music loud in my apartment? | Hi!
First off, since *loud* is very subjective, I took a reading on a decibel meter app sitting at my desk right in front of my speakers. ITT, *loud* means approximately 70db. Not eardrum shattering, tinnitus inducing kind of loud, but loud enough to get a good groove on.
It's 4 pm, I had some cleaning to do in my apartment, so I thought "Nice, let's put on some Tool and do the chores with a smile on my face!". I put my music on, and my upstairs neighbor starts banging **hard** on the floor. When I say hard, I mean cups shaking in the pantry kind of loud.
I know it's a dumb situation, but it pisses me off. She just keeps banging everything upstairs and it's fucking annoying.
Now, the things that are important to know are:
1- I've been living here for 2 years, and she's always been an extremely loud upstairs neighbor. No music or partys, she just walks like a freaking tank, and her kids do, too. I never really complain about that because well, it's an apartment complex, I have neighbors, that's just reality.
2- Me listening to music loud is not a regular occurrence. Maybe once every two or three weeks.
3- I don't party, I've been sober for a little over two years, so at night, my apartment is pretty damn quiet.
So, almighty, all-knowing Reddit, AITA? Should I lower the volume even though it's Friday and it's not crazy loud? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
vh59pw86Z58KKxoyuYboNATv80FYRd7j | ad9h2k | {
"description": "yelling at a disabled man for touching me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for yelling at a disabled man for touching me? | Ok so I’m in Nigeria right now to visit family and we have this tradition of going out to watch what we call “the masquerade” . It includes people who dress up in suits to entertain people (I won’t explain it too much because it’s not important to the story).
So if you go to watch them it’ll be very crowded which will result in a lot of contact with other people. My friend and I went and we were standing in the middle of a big group when I felt someone holding onto my shoulders. At first I assumed it was a little kid who was scared of the masquerade but when I turned around it was a grown man.
I saw some girls laughing and joking with him so I just thought maybe they dared him to hold onto me or something. After some time he kept coming back and holding onto me and saying things like “do you want to be my friend?” At first I just tried to just brush his hands off of me because I didn’t want to cause a scene. He still wouldn’t leave me alone so my friend and I moved to the far side of the crowd to get away from him.
He ended up following us and he put his hands on my shoulders and then on my waist, this got me really spooked because I’m 15 and he was at least in his 20s. I yelled at him to stop touching me and my friend started to berate him and told him to fuck off basically and that he was disgusting, causing him the run to the other side of the road.
The same girls who were laughing at the start came up to us and started arguing with us saying that he was “not right in the head” and he wasn’t aware of what he was doing. I don’t know if he was their brother or their cousin or someone who lives in their area but they were really mad at us. I didn’t know that he was disabled before I yelled at him because it didn’t affect him physically. Everyone in the crowd started to give us the stink eye so we just left. It’s been like 2 or 3 days and I’m still thinking that i could have handled the situation better :/. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VyDeDIy6MZS81MDXPE01rX1WBJnNcNwg | aefawc | {
"description": "not talking to a friend for 3 months",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not talking to a friend for 3 months? | To preface I'm a male in college age 21 and my friend is a woman the same age as me.
Before all this began I said to her I needed to concentrate on school and I said that we should "take a break for a while from talking" and she said fine. I admit I didn't exactly specify how long I wanted to take a break for, but I didn't know how long I'd need because I said I just wanted some alone time to deal with some personal issues.
Fast forward to 3 months later and she's angry and says that she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I ask why and she says how she feels neglected that I didn't message her for 3 months despite me writing some Facebook messages that she didn't notice at the time. I reminded her we agreed to take a hiatus from talking, but she says "I just said ok because I didn't know what else to say". I say this isn't fair to me because I did exactly what I said before, albeit I was a little vague. But still I don't think I violated anything I said.
I can understand that she emotionally feels hurt and I feel bad too, but I thought we both agreed to this. The thing I don't understand is why it's such a big deal to not talk for 3 months. She wasn't my girlfriend or anything. I can't fathom why this is such a weird thing to just not talk for 3 months and then resume later.
I tried to explain that some of my other friends I don't talk to for months on end or half a year and catch up whenever we feel like it and it's all good. In my opinion I feel that she's too possessive of my time as if I owe her my time. If someone doesn't message me for a couple months and then later wants to catch up, I'm like "cool alright at least I'm glad you took the time to just talk".
The last message she sent me from our last convo was "Goodbye AmIthethrowaway20". And I left it on read because I didn't feel like arguing it if it's her decision. I'm not playing mind games to try to "win" her back. If she feels strongly about that then fine, I'm not going to fight against it. We had a conversation for an hour before hand. I feel like in the back of my mind she *wants* me to do something drastic about it.
I'm not focused on doing anything if she truly believes what she said. I just wanted to be on good terms, but she doesn't seem to want to. And if she doesn't want to what I am I suppose to do, besides just leave it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
ZgRRrWxmAv49MJTOx47jG5Vf2TpCCqBV | asvn9w | {
"description": "telling my boss in my 90 day review that my coworker's vaping really bothered me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my boss in my 90 day review that my coworker’s vaping really bothered me? | She asked if there was anything that frustrated me about working at the company. I decided to let her know because I am really sensitive to smells and the sweet smell all day long makes me nauseous. He vapes throughout the day in our small, open concept office. When he does I have to step outside to get fresh air. My boss must have said something to him because my coworker did not vape at all today in the open (usually he vapes at least 5x throughout the work day). I believe he went in the bathroom to vape because I still could smell it on him, which I am fine with. I just didn’t enjoy him vaping out in the open where I am forced to smell it because it’s happening within 15’ of me. I’ve seen clients grimace when he blows smoke in their direction when they are visiting the office. My coworker was really sullen and withdrawn today and now I am feeling bad... maybe I should have not said anything and just sucked it up? Did I just really mess with the quality of his work life? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
dmKK318VhkQdskswXzvUx1LkGEqNJk3j | a3k4t2 | {
"description": "using my new laptop",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for using my new laptop? | I got a new laptop (parents paid for it) and it's meant to last for college (I am a high school senior right now). I bring it to school because it's 3.5 lb compared to my old laptop, which was 6 pounds not including the heavy charger, on my 1-2 hour commute to and from school (2-4 hours depend on how public transport treats me. Using it in school means I can get a lot more work done at school during my free periods (which is like 2 hours a day if not more), and I can use it to take notes in classes where I can't write fast enough.
First thing dad says is "why are you like this? You're going to waste my money" He's wondering why I don't just bring my old laptop to school if I need to and why I have to use my new one now, which he says will break if I use it and bring it to school, and that since it's his money that paid for it, he gets to decide what happens with it. Basically, he's saying I'm being reckless with money when I have a perfectly functioning old laptop to use.
AITA, or NTA? I mean, he paid for it, but I think given that I've never had any laptop broken beyond usability (and he just thinks I break everything I touch, I'm sure), and I really need it so I can do work at school, I don't think I'm being ridiculous, right? He believes that since I was able to live without my new laptop, I can do so now as well, but it just makes things easier and saves me time. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tBacjmWhyk2nZS293gLxkShPjrhQmdyg | b0j4vs | {
"description": "not giving my classmate a fist bump",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not giving my classmate a fist bump? | okay this sounds really stupid but i’ve been thinking about this for the past two days.
so i’m taking a math class with one of my close friends. it’s a small class of like ten people and there’s this guy who sits next to me that’s kind of strange. he always asks me about my day and asks me if i’m okay if i miss class which is kind of nice i guess but he does little things that make me uncomfortable. he asked me one day very randomly why i was wearing makeup (because i usually don’t) and if i’m telling my friend, who sits next to me too, about my weekend or something he’ll like butt in and make comments. i also mentioned my boyfriend once and he was like “what? you have a boyfriend???” and i was just like “uhh yeah” because what else am i supposed to say? he will also randomly pat my shoulder in a “there there” kind of way which bugs me but not enough to say something. overall he’s nice and harmless but he’s also a stranger, you know?
but anyway.
the other day i showed up to class like five minutes late and i touched my friend’s shoulder as i walked in to say hi and this guy waved and holds his hand out for a fistbump. honestly i just didn’t want to touch him and also class was happening and i was trying to get my notebook out so i just waved and kind of leave him hanging? and he like visibly deflated and just sat there with his head down for a while while i was scrambling to catch up. but he was very obviously upset?
but it wouldn’t have hurt to fistbump him and i feel like an asshole now except i can’t apologize because it’s been two days??? aita?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9VcO9HLsdFs8XmCFPd9s9MF5tX4x8D4r | auh8s2 | {
"description": "being upset that I didn't receive anything from work for my surgery",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset that I didn’t receive anything from work for my surgery? | Throwaway account, obviously.
At my work, all the employees pay into a social fund and typically most of that money goes to social functions. Some of it is reserved for staff for flowers or gift cards if a family member passes or if they’re off work for a period of time.
I’ve been off work for a couple weeks due to a surgery and a few coworkers have wished me well, but I haven’t received anything, even a “get well” from my boss. There’s a women who has about 3 surgeries a year and every time she receives a bouquet of flowers and gift cards.
Am i the asshole that I’m a little ticked I haven’t received anything? I’ve been there for 5 years | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
3u2aD8S3H8CV0LwojUVABWMLf81r1UFq | amxyq5 | {
"description": "asking my neighbor not to park out front of our house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I ask my neighbor not to park out front of our house? | We are a two car home with room for 1 car in the driveway and 1 car out front because we have a fire hydrant on the left edge of the property. My neighbor has 2 or 3 families living there (not really sure how many people honestly but long story short - a lot of cars.) Anyway, one of them has decided to make the spot out front of our house their go-to parking spot. There’s plenty of parking along our road, but I just like being able to park out front of my house. Am I the asshole if I leave a friendly note asking to leave the space open so we can park out front our own house? Or is that a petty thing to do? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sXM28rrxNBHbULT0ntFQL43jwdGNaSbN | ad3672 | {
"description": "accusing my best friend of rape",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for accusing my best friend of rape? | I hosted a large house party recently, suffice to say everyone got pretty wasted.
I let my oldest friend (‘Q’) who was visiting from out of town sleep in my bedroom out of respect.
My new best friends (‘T’) new girlfriend (‘K’) had passed out on the couch at the end of the night so he asked if I could evict my old friend so she could sleep in comfort. I declined at this point.
Soon after he told me that she was very unwell (which I knew later was a lie) so I obliged. Thankfully Q was kind enough to understand.
We had to wake up K - which she was not happy about at all. She didn’t want to leave the couch but I helped T carry her upstairs to bed.
The next day, I found cum stains in my bed and became very suspicious.
I asked T if he knew the basics of consent; he took this seriously to heart and asked if I was accusing him of rape. I said that this was how it looked to me. He called in K and she said she didn’t remember having sex - but admitted that they have sex all the time. She wasn’t concerned.
I later found out that T had been accused of rape before.
AITA for putting this difficult question to him? If not me then who else? Our friendship has never been the same since. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
3FbUelWRbCnQfIismpD5dllBapw6xz1B | avn0nk | {
"description": "calling CPS on a panhandler with a child",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I called CPS on a panhandler with a child? | I drive through a large intersection everyday to get to work. For the past two days I have seen a man panhandling on the corner with a 2-3 year old sitting in a stroller next to him. He was there when I drove past in the morning, when I went to lunch, and when I went home - upwards of 9 hours both days.
I feel really bad for the little toddler stuck sitting in a stroller all day, I don’t feel it’s right to use a baby for sympathy in this scenario. I don’t want to meddle or make the father’s life harder than it already seems to be, would I be the asshole if I called CPS if I see them again tomorrow morning? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Pp4xxMjwHLVjRJxNWdf5NWaavn34mGII | aqn8zu | {
"description": "fighting with my partner over scrounger sister",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for fighting with my partner over scrounger sister | Hi all,
I'll try to keep this brief.
I had a big fight with my partner over letting her little sister live rent and bill free with us for 2/3 nights a week every week.
Back story is that rent is expensive where I live and I pay 60% as I earn quite a bit more than my SO.
It's a small 2 bed place and having my own space is important to me. The second bedroom acts as an office / wardrobe / guest bedroom.
My SOs little sister works in the city we live in and stays with us several nights a week without contributing anything towards our expenses even though she earns reasonably well.
She's also particularly useless when she stays over in that she never cooks or cleans and creates work for us because we have to clean her sheets for other guests and tidy up after her in general.
This drives me crazy as I can't help but feel like I'm being taken advantage of. It's made worse but the fact that my SO never has money for herself and is living paycheck to paycheck.
I don't want to cause a rift with my in laws so I don't address little sister myself, but I feel my SO should be doing this.
Anyway last night I had a go at my SO about letting her little sister walk all over us, invading our privacy and generally taking advantage. Needless to say, it didn't go down well and Valentine's day is ruined.
AITA?
Thanks for the replies all, I forgot to add that SO and myself have discussed this previously and she is aware that I was frustrated with how things were going. That said, I let it slide for awhile so she may have forgotten how I felt. Little sister is a good person, just oblivious to how her freeloading is causing tension for us. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
2qZRSWVseshn4lqISmdDfrCf6J64MTny | afawyx | {
"description": "getting so annoyed that my ex-gf wants to get with my best friend of 5 years so quickly after breaking up",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting so annoyed that my ex-gf wants to get with my best friend of 5 years so quickly after breaking up. | Quite a long post, tl;dr at the bottom.
Me [18M] and my girlfriend [18F] split up about a week ago.
Me and my girlfriend had been together about 6 months, and were each other’s “first love” as we both had been with people for short periods of time , but had never had sex or the like( we lost our virginity’s to eachother)
Over the Christmas period, it started going downhill with her cancelling plans with me to be with her friends more- including male friends which had told her they wanted to be with her(not people I knew but still male friends).
I did not say anything although this did bother me, but I trusted her.
I let this go and hoped that when we were both less busy we would be able to see each other again.
A few days after Christmas I saw her again, and stayed at her place. It seemed everything was back to normal, except the days before she had told me that she didn’t want anything sexual to happen, which I was fine with- as I just wanted to spend time together.
When we actually met up, within an hour or so she initiated sex with, and I went along with it. This confused me but she told me she was sure, and the two days we were together were great.
Then the arguing started again- and she told me she needed space, and didn’t speak to me for around 3-4 days(we were used to be in almost constant communication). I only saw her at a meal with around 12 of our friends, which she was late to. She sat at the other end of the table as opposed to next to me and we didn’t even make eye contact.
When we left I spoke to her and said that it obviously wasn’t working for her anymore and what she wants to do. She told me we were broken up but that we would probably get back together .
That night I received messages from her telling me that she still loved me and “always will” and that In a few days she’ll want to get back with me.
3 days after I messaged her just trying to have a normal conversation, trying to give her time about what she wants to happen. She was extremely blunt and I thought she needed space so I told her that it’s fine and I’ll go. She also told me at this point that the reason it didn’t work was Because she was a “bitch and spoke to boys as friends” which never seemed a problem to me as I knew about it. She also said that somthing within her “changed” and it had nothing to do with me. It was made obvious we were over for good.
I was then told the next day, that she was looking to get with my best friend. This was 4 days after we broke up, which seemed soon- and I had heard nothing about it from my friend or my ex-girlfriend.
I spoke to her about it and she flat out denied it, although more and more people are telling me that the two of them getting very close.
What bothers me is that the “change” in why we broke up was probably the fact that she wanted to get with my best mate. This means that when I stayed over and had sex with her, she was in a place where she wanted to be with him.
AITA for getting pissed off that she is probably getting with my best mate so soon after breaking up with me, even if it’s what is best for her happiness.
Tl;dr broke up with my girlfriend and she is now looking to get with my best friend just a few days later. I have “figured out”(educated guess) that she was interested in him when we were still together.
Other info: I’ve just been told that around the 4 month mark(when everything was still good) she went ice skating with her friends, something she does often, and told them that “when I’m at skating I’m single” and spent most of the night with her ex
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1OQj5m6RLFUpI8vw63Bb3TmGb1Vi9tdL | b2ztu3 | {
"description": "wanting my wife to wear lingerie in the bedroom",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for wanting my wife to wear lingerie in the bedroom? | Me and my wife are almost 40, and we've been married for over 10 years. We have 2 kids.
As long as I can remember I've been turned on by lingerie, specifically stockings. Since I started masturbating it's been a major part of my fantasies. My wife entertained this for a few years. She owns a few bits of lingerie but in recent years has totally refused. Her bedroom attire is now fluffy bed socks and teddy bear pyjamas.
I've done nothing but tell her how beautiful and sexy she is, and I think she should be showing her body off.
Her argument is that it makes her uncomfortable and it's cruel to expect someone to be uncomfortable for your pleasure.
I understand that, but I don't think it's a massive stretch to dress up once in a while.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 14
} | RIGHT |
ivQVdIIGEDMqLdKEbRthXd3wIrqtdHwT | a101gk | {
"description": "not liking my boyfriend's baby sister because she's shy",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not liking my boyfriend's baby sister because she's shy? | I'm a female and my boyfriend and I are both 23 in case it matters.
I started dating my boyfriend about 2 years ago, right around the time his mother had gotten remarried and was pregnant with my boyfriend's new half sister. His sister was born about a month or two after we were "official". I visited his mom in the hospital after the birth.
His mom is amazing. She welcomed me into their family with no hesitations. She's extremely supportive, unbiased, and really has everyone's best interests at heart. As someone who doesn't have a great relationship with their mother, the relationship I've built with my boyfriend's mother is invaluable to me.
Now, I'm not entirely fond of kids. I feel like i sort of missed out on some of the maternal instincts I see from other women my age. To be clear, I don't automatically hate kids. I just don't automatically like kids just because they're a kid. That being said, I loved my boyfriend's little sister (I'll just call her Alice). She was so sweet and cute and smart. Think huge brown eyes, chubby cheeks, and dark curly hair with the cutest smile. She's really adorable.
Alice used to be very fond of us as well. We go to their house about once a week for dinner and she loved being held by my boyfriend and me. She was all smiles all the time.
Around the time of her first birthday, the "stranger danger" kicked in. She no longer trusted ANYONE. If her grandmother comes over less than 3 times a week, she won't even make eye contact with her the next time they're together. Its the same with my boyfriend and I. She won't be in the same room with us, she'll barely make eye contact, and she was suddenly scared of my dog (a senior citizen waddle butt) that she used to adore.
I am 100% positive there has been NO abuse if that's what you're thinking. Alice's father tends to be a little introverted and her mother is an "extroverted introvert" as she calls herself. My boyfriend's younger brother is also fairly shy and introverted.
Alice is now 2, she's been consistently socialized, her mother is the best mother I've ever seen, and i can't see any reason why she suddenly became so shy. Apparently her mother asked the pediatrician about it and he said it wasn't anything to worry about.
So, am i the asshole for losing interest in her? I don't really feel the need to try to make her like me when 99% of the time it just makes her scared. My boyfriend is 100x better/more patient with children than I am, and he hasn't made any progress either. Its been A YEAR. I don't pay much attention to her anymore because I don't feel like getting disappointed when she wants nothing to do with me.
I feel like this might be upsetting his mom and her husband now. They haven't said anything outright but I've noticed that they might be a little upset that I don't really like her anymore.
For clarification: I have never been mean or rude to Alice or her parents. Its more of an indifference. I used to try a lot harder, but after a year i basically say hi, smile and wave, talk to her a little bit, then she runs in the other room and hides and that's about where i lose interest. My boyfriend will make a few more attempts than I will but still with no progress.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
9rKZCCcV8MJnUIuhe7EMP8jKolM5DkJM | al9nxc | {
"description": "asking co-workers about their salaries",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Asking Co-workers About Their Salaries | I've brought up my salary to coworkers in conversation before because I worry about being used and I've asked them what they had made coming into the company and where their experience has led them so I can try and determine if my job is worth staying in for the longrun or if I should seek a raise. However my coworkers always dodge the question and say 'your salary is okay' or 'good' but such blatant responses lead me to believe I'm getting screwed because I feel they don't want to potentially upset anyone. I don't want to feel like I'm bothering people as I feel like an ass asking cuz pay can be a touchy subject (I've rarely asked) but I also don't want to be played if I am being taken from behind.
For context I feel that I may be getting underpaid for my work but I cannot be certain as I have no direct workplace data to reference because coworkers dodge questions. I feel that I am being underpaid because ever expected salary reference I can find for my position is about $8-10k higher for entry level work. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Eyg308OfRVlD8z5OChI0duCvqGBcqW19 | 9viava | {
"description": "telling my gf I don't want her to hang out with our old boss anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my gf I don’t want her to hang out with our old boss anymore? | I worked at a place for a year last year. I left because of the boss. He’s objectively unfair. Picks favorites. Fires people on the spot if they show any disinterest in working there. He’s a narcissist. He was a piece of shit to EVERYONE that worked for him...*except* my gf. So I moved on to a new company and took my gf w me. I go out of town this week for some work related shit and my gf asks me if I would be upset if she hung out w him....I said yea. Note-ex boss man is *flammin’* ass gay so I know there’s nothing to worry about there...it’s just that he’s a piece of shit. This is not my opinion. This is a locally accepted fact that he is an shit person. He is universally hated among the people that work in my town....
So when my girlfriend asked me what my concern was about her hanging out w him, I said “my concern is that he enjoys anything in life and he doesn’t deserve your friendship or *any* friendship from anyone. He has a dog for that.”
Btw this dude has no friends (because he’s a piece of shit) so I kind of took pleasure in the thought of him being lonely. And the thought of my gf (or anyone) taking the time to be nice to him disgusts me.
TLDR; read the title | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
WdCZFmo8zGx3U9CpYmpq3aeSoReWwBKs | ab3r33 | {
"description": "not letting my daughter play outside because I didn't want her new dress ruined",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for not letting my daughter play outside because I didn’t want her new dress ruined... | Met a lot of my extended family at a hotel for lunch yesterday. It’s summer here and there was a little play area outside for kids so all of the other kids in our family were allowed to go play. My daughter (6) was wearing a new little white Dior dress and I really didn’t want her getting dirty and ruining the dress (it wasn’t cheap) so I didn’t let her play. She was really upset with me and I did feel really bad but no one had bothered to let me know there was a play area at this place or I would have dressed her in something else or bought a spare pair of clothes. I was tempted to just take the dress off her and let her go play in her knickers but I know what people are like and I probably would have been labelled a bad mum for allowing that too. So instead of playing outside I let her sit and play on my phone. I got eye rolls from my family and called ridiculous for dressing her in expensive clothes, not letting her play and instead letting her on my phone. They said it was just a dress and I should just let her play, but I wasn’t gonna have her Ruin this dress just so she could play for half an hour,..
Me and the rest of my family are quite different and don’t always see eye to eye but It really annoyed me how they acted like I was a bad mother for not wanting a new expensive dress ruined.
So was I the asshole for not just letting her play or were they the assholes for acting like I’m a bad mum because of this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
wvdch1fPmv4DlemBpA2yul4zkZNBRp9E | b3koxp | {
"description": "putting my sisters bf in a headlock",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for putting my sisters bf in a headlock? | Throwaway
Sister, we'll call D, brings her boyfriend, we'll call M, on vacation. After dinner, cousins wanted to do shots. I (25F) had a shot, but I didn't want more than one. In all, I had half a beer and a shot, my cousins had about 4 shots, and M was a couple shots and beers in
Owner of the rental house calls, saying there were too many cars in the driveway and we need to move one. Street parking was not aloud, so we thought about finding some lot and parking a car there. M freaks out saying that everyone was drunk and no one should be driving
I wasnt remotely close to being drunk, *however*, I agreed that we all had been drinking and we should find another plan. Since all of the houses around were empty vacation rentals, we could move a car into the neighbors driveway, which was *at most* ten feet away. My cousin gets the keys to his car, and M *freaks out*, running around and yelling
My cousin had drank a bit more than us, so he shouldnt be the one to move the car. I would never drive drunk or even close to mildly inebriated, so I offered to move the car the ten feet
M grabs my arms, gets close to my face, says "NO. You're DRUNK". After telling him repeatedly that I wasnt, he refused to listen and kept telling yelling. My cousin was about to hand me the keys, M snatches the keys out of my cousins hands.
The owner calls again, saying if we don't move a car from the driveway he'll call the sheriff to kick us out. Everyone is agitated/stressed, M still refuses to give us the keys. It becomes an alpha male dick swinging thing between the men. My sisters and third cousin come out to see whats happening. Things start to get aggressive, when my third cousin comes out, I figure she can move the car since she didn't drink
We tell M that my third cousin is absolutely sober and can move the car, he *still* refused to hand over the keys. M doesn't give a real reason, keeps saying "NO"
With M being unreasonable, things get more aggressive between the men. One cousin gets in M's face, tries to grab the keys from M. M retaliates with "Get the fuck out of my face" and shoves my cousin. A full on fight breaks out between the men
I try to break up the fight, put M in a headlock. The fighting stops, I let go of M. M throws the keys at us and storms off. After getting the keys, original problem was solved in 30 seconds
Later, D got most of the version of events from M and he says us three 'jumped' him, so D demands I apologize to him. I tell D that everything that happened was stupid, no one was right, and everyone shares part of the blame
D gives me an ultimatum, apologize to M or she'll stop talking to me
I figured once everyone cooled off it would be fine, so I tell D that I never expected an apology from M and I think it's absurd that they are demanding one from me
I fully believe **ESH through and through**, myself included.
But ATIA for putting my sisters boyfriend in a headlock and not wanting to apologize for it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
73Kx36YqiCrcR0V16p7DxOoKlqSuVe43 | a8sn50 | {
"description": "being irritated with my roommate for banging his girlfriend while I worked from home",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for being irritated with my roommate for banging his girlfriend while I worked from home? | Title pretty much sums it up. I [28F] work from home full-time, eight hours a day and five days a week. My roommate [27M] had last Friday off, and apparently his girlfriend did, too, because she stayed the night. Totally fine. I told him earlier that week that I would be working on Friday and then heading out for the holidays the next day.
So I start working at 8:30 a.m. like I do every day. Around 10 a.m., I hear sex noises. Not like just furniture creaking. Full-on sex noises, while I’m trying to get work done before Christmas. I had just been on the phone with my boss, too, and thankfully, they didn’t start while that was happening. I’m on calls with my coworkers frequently, and most of them take place over Skype, which picks up every sound.
Don’t get me wrong. My roommate can bang whomever he wants. I am supportive! But I was really irritated that he chose to do it in the middle of the morning when he knew I would be working.
AITA for being pissed? Is this not a big deal? I haven’t brought it up yet, but if it happens again, I probably will. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
Gge3yqBDOcySxpgbJ9bDfSrphie3QhhD | ay9woj | {
"description": "breaking up over dishes",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for breaking up over dishes | Sorry this got kinda long and became ranty.
TLDR: historically have ended up "parenting" my peers. Don't live with bf, plan on doing so, he has said that he's kinda the same way (not really good about cleaning up after himself) and i worry about him a lot and feel like i have to remind him abt some stuff already. scared I'll end up having to "parent" him as well. I've told him about how much filth and general inconsideration bothers me. WIBTA for breaking up over something petty?
For context, I don't actually live with my bf. I'm only early 20s but I have somehow end up "parenting" a lot of my friends/exes. With my most recent ex, i had to clean up his mess, wake him up for class, do his dishes, etc. Once he called me "mom" and asked me to bring him a beer. Another time he drank a carton of apple juice because he "likes the taste" despite being allergic wtf. We broke up for unrelated reasons.
I have to take a friend grocery shopping every week and occasionally he forgets something and then asks to take him back the next day. It's maybe 1-2 hours of my life every time and I don't always need to go. I've talked to him about multiple trips in a week. Recently he's been asking me to take him to work (his coworkers' schedule has changed) and then take him home. While this is something I can do, I don't really want to but I feel like he would just starve and he's really appreciative every time.
With my current roommates nobody takes out the trash until there's a mountain of trash and absolutely disgusting. One roommate doesn't do his dishes, piles them in the sink, so then noone can do their dishes because there's a pile of dishes in the sink. I used to do all the dishes so I could do my dishes but I stopped because I got busy and then there were dishes in the sink for over a week. I've talked to them and the answer is "yeah I'll do it later." I'm fine with mess, but I hate filth
So onto bf. He's really sweet/ considerate and the best person in the world but sometimes he can be a mess (forgets to eat, forgets to take meds, leaves dishes out, can't see the floor in his room, etc). I worry about him a lot and while doesnt really bother me as much since "his house, his rules" and I don't actively have to deal with what he does in his own home/not my business but it's something I worry about in the future (for moving in). I don't want to end up "parenting". While I do it because I care, it's just stressful and tiring. I've complained many many times about roommates/grocery guy/communal space mess/etc and I'm assuming he knows that this is something that will break me since I've bitched about it so much, but he says things like "damn rip me" or "I'm kinda like that too." I've literally offhandedly mentioned that i would break up with someone over dishes/trash in the past too. I love him so much but oh my god dishes.
I feel like at this point maybe there's no hope and I don't want to make someone change but I'm just so tired and frustrated. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z1Fu1k6wbylJvNxgZ0U97Fx2xVddYvpW | ao589j | {
"description": "being stressed about a 1 year old's Bday party",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being stressed about a 1 year old's Bday party? |
Am I the Asshole?
My wife and had a baby a year ago. We are getting ready to have a one year birthday party. My wife has been working really hard getting ready for the birthday party. Her mom, sister, and a few friends are coming from out of town to attend. My wife is extremely type A and has been killing herself making the house look good (which we recently moved into). However this has been super stressful for me, I’m travelling for work and nothing is where I left it, we have new bathmats, new shower curtains, new coffee tables, new futon, new rugs, so much stuff. A lot of this requires assembly. There's also packages of party decorations, and streamers, and masks, and blah blah blah. This is stressing me the fuck out from a cost stand point and just the fact that there’s five packages at the door everyday. I don’t know why I find it so overwhelming exactly, but I do. There’s overflowing garbage from all of the boxes that we had to have hauled away. We have enough money, it just feels wasteful and excessive to me.
I about lost my shit last night because someone had to come haul away all the boxes and drive through our yard leaving a six inch deep gouge that’s twenty feet long. The freezer’s leaking water all over the tile floor because it’s too full, my wife tried to put up curtains and left a bunch of error holes in the drywall, and my wife and MIL are cooking an involved dinner that we won’t eat until 9:30 when I’ve just had a fourteen hour day of work and out of state travel. She knows I’m stressed about it and she’s mad at me because the home is something she was proud of is now ruined and I’ve “broken her heart”. I’ve told her I like everything and that it looks good (because it does) but she knows I’m irritated. In fairness I was visibly distraught by the lawn, packages, freezer, and drywall immediately when I got home and pointed all these items out. In front of her mom. But I wasn’t being angry or yelling, I just wanted to know what the fuck was going on.
The cherry on top is my mother-in-law. My wife told me was coming in last Sunday on last Friday. My MIL and wife drink heavily and stay up late having heated discussions about their family. She is going to stay for a week. Last night my wife came to bed late at 1 AM and woke me up to cry at me and tell me she didn’t understand why I was so mad at her. Honestly I’m mad at her mom who casually cusses me out all the time. It’s under the guise of a joke but eventually it becomes very disrespectful. She said Fuck You to me like three times yesterday and called me a bastard and a bitch the night before. That COULD be funny but in this instance I’m just not into it and don’t want to be spoken to like that in my own home. My wife says I was acting pissed off all night. Well, in fairness, I was. Am I an asshole? My wife has been working from home, doing all this, doing a great job with our daughter, and doing the lion’s share of the housework. I’m not upset with her, I’m just frustrated that this situation seems so overwhelming and out of control. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
MN8hGPZFouDHud9IHUZvf0s1ZOzKCLoE | ae5ip3 | {
"description": "buying $4 shirts as gifts",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for buying $4 shirts as gifts? | About a week ago, my aunt and uncle took me to Hawaii as a little surprise vacation to celebrate my acceptance into nursing school (yay!). My uncle is an investor while my aunt owns her own bridal salon; needless to say, they’re pretty well off. And while they spared no expense for the trip, I didn’t want them paying for anything I brought back because Hawaii was amazing enough (I had to *reeally* fight them on this too).
I spent a little over $300 in total on gifts. On the last day of the trip, my mom called and asked me to buy gifts for three of my cousins because their mom had given us gift cards this year. We normally don’t celebrate xmas/exchange gifts with them, so it caught me off guard a bit. Nonetheless, I walked down to the ABC store and started looking.
My aunt had shown me another ABC outside of the hotel earlier on because they had better deals, so I decided to walk over and check it out. Low and behold, they had a magnificent 5/$20 shirt deal going on. I was also able to get 2 additional shirts for my other cousins (whom I’m very close with), so it was a win-win in my head. I even had them all pick the shirts out themselves through FaceTime to make sure they liked and would fit in them.
Fast forward to the day I get home, and my mom is fuming with anger when she finds out what I got them. She said I was cheap and selfish to spend so little on them (they gave us $20 Starbucks gift cards) and compared them to the $11 shirts I had bought for my siblings (I got them from the hotel ABC store prior to finding that wonderful 5/$20 deal at the street ABC). Then she decided that she was just going to buy entirely different gifts for them herself.
I would’ve never guessed my mom would get so worked up over something like this. For starters, she doesn’t like that aunt *at all*. Neither does most of my family (some decades-long drama), but I like my cousins just fine. I’m just not close with them, so I wasn’t planning on spending a whole lot on them. I probably should’ve gotten them an additional souvenir or something just because of the $20 vs $4 disparity, but I don’t think the shirts are a bad gift... heck, I would’ve got one for myself if I hadn’t already spent so much. I’m going to give them the shirts anyways just because I already got them, but I wanted to know if it really was an asshole move on my part?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
iz0XS7OuePdlxQTsivp6wjbGK8XV7EUr | afsoik | {
"description": "choosing not to abort my boyfriend and my baby",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for choosing not to abort my boyfriend and my baby? | This may be a little long I guess. I’m 27f and he’s 23m. We’ve been together about a year and a half. Living together pretty much since the beginning of the relationship. I own a home and have 2 children from a previous relationship. 6 year old boy and an almost 4 year old girl. I’ve been using a copper IUD to prevent pregnancy. Something has obviously gone wrong. Either it got knocked out of place or expelled during a very heavy period. I have no idea right now but the fact of the matter is I’m pregnant with our baby. I’ve always been against abortion and couldn’t imagine going through that. My boyfriend has no kids obviously and is younger than me. Since we found out he’s been pulling away from me, hiding in the bathroom for hours to get away from me, he’s even laying here in bed with me as I was just trying to talk to him and he’s covered himself in a blanket from head to toe and said he doesn’t want to talk.. or there’s nothing to talk about because I want to keep the baby.
I’m at a loss. I mean I know we both thought we were protected and weren’t planning this but I’m feeling utterly alone right now. I don’t know what to do. It’s only been about a day or two. I’m not sure what’s going to happen and it’s scares me even more.
Am I the asshole for wanting to keep the unplanned pregnancy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
GynkxLEpik92RgRWv3PZupEMnSLOaL2V | a9c01p | {
"description": "being upset about someone comparing our car wrecks",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset about someone comparing our car wrecks | Ok so I got into a really bad accident a couple weeks ago. Like a "you should be fuckin dead" type wreck.
Well I have this family "friend" and she texted me and was all "im sooooo sorry you got hurt!! I'm still mentally destroyed from my wreck I'm march!!!" And I didn't know what she was talking about so I asked my sister and she said that she got rear-ended and they didn't even have to get an ambulance. For perspective they had to cut the doors off my car.
Idk do i have the right to be offended or am i just being pissy cause I hate this woman | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
w6XWdAo8k03ZwsmUjOxFTLeCE1AaxY0u | ambbsp | {
"description": "getting mad at my friend when they put themselves down",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at my friend when they put themselves down? | Okay, this is on mobile, so sorry in advance. Also, I am terrible at spelling so sorry about that too.
Anyways,
I met a wonderful girl named Ashley in the fourth grade. We slowly eased into the friendship, but became attached. That right there was the problem. I found a group of friends that I fit into and I absolutely adored. But Ashley did NOT like these people.
Whenever I would hang out with them, I would always see Ashley moping and being sad, even though her numerous other friends were constantly by her side. I, unfortunately, already had anxiety issues, but the pressure to be the best BFF that Ashley was too much to handle.
I’m talking, I almost killed myself until my friend convinced me to talk to someone.
Numerous other things would happen:
She would get mad at me for the smallest things such as sitting somewhere or not arriving early for school.
She wanted me to devote my life to her, and have only one best friend, but she was always surrounded by oodles of friends.
She had serious trust issues with me, as I trusted her with my life.
She would always have a rebound to my criticism or advice.
Let’s focus on the last one.
I finally decided this year that I was done with the crap she was giving me. This was how the conversation went down: (A-Ashley M-Me)
M: *sends a serious message about how our relationship was unhealthy and I wanted to end it or at least back down a little*
A: I’m sorry that myself wasn’t good enough. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the perfect friend. I’m sorry that I caused you stress. I’m dealing with a lot at home and I guess I’m not good enough for you. I’m sorry I wasn’t perfect. (Simplified, this was much longer and gave off a “Woe is me” vibe)
M: I’m so sorry I never meant to hurt you. Will you ever forgive me? I’m just the worst. I should’ have said that. I’m so so sorry. I’m the worst (being serious)
A: I guess but I don’t think I can trust you much anymore.
M: Alright. It’s what I deserve.
This is very simplified.
I know she has trouble at home, but that doesn’t give her the right to treat me like that. She knew damn well that I would cave if she brought up home. In conclusion, AITA for getting mad at my friends response to her being “dumped” from a friendship?
Sorry so short. This is my first time posting like this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HK6UH41D2dwzSNrlTUEGZfimxie7KCKx | awr17r | {
"description": "not allowing my parents to eat my cookie dough truffles I made",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not allowing my parents to eat my cookie dough truffles I made? | So I enjoy baking things to bring in to share with my friends, and I buy most of the things to bake with and clean up afterwards. I spend the better part of 4 hours making the dough, dipping, cooling, and decorating these. And when I’m done my mom swarms over with her sweet tooth and my dad who was curious.
I say “no” and they complain and try to step past me while I block them, then they get mad at me for not wanting to share what I mostly payed for (Flour and Sugar is all that I didn’t buy). And they make the argument that it’s their house and that I should have been a thoughtful son and spent more money and time so they could have some.
When it was all said and done they basically threatened to not allow me to bake/cook anymore for friends,
Extra Info: I am 16, live in their house, and explicitly told them that I am making them for MY friends after I asked for the flour and sugar to use. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
Y1465sfCpStoGHJ4iUHrMgGYUKwTuNnJ | aqircz | {
"description": "fucking a guy I don't like for his money",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For fucking a guy I don’t like for his money? | This all started a few months ago when this guy (we’ll call him darren) comes into my DMs asking if I want to sell him nudes. Since I was a broke student at the time I accepted and we started trading.
Fast forward a few weeks and his requests get weirder. I’m ok with it for the most part as I don’t give a fuck about my nudes going online but darren comes out while we’re doing our thing and asks me to shag him for £1,000.
Darren is maybe a 3-4. He’s unathletic with glasses, divorced and spends his day on a computer but the money is good so I just let it happen. He’s shit in bed but we only last 20 minutes and doesn’t seem to mind when I leave immediately for “another client”.
I’ve done this about 4 times now and i’m starting to feel guilty because he wants me to get into a relationship. I want his money and I don’t want any attachment, but if I tell him i’m not interested he’ll stop sending me money.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 21,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
37fMSVPpPYyaWPbZtVaRiEe7SvTqSuRg | 9ydkv9 | {
"description": "hating how my in laws spam their kids in the group chat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hating how my in laws spam their kids in the group chat? | My in laws bring up their kids all the time. I’m not a big kid person by nature but I recognize that not everyone is like that. I understand you love your children but every other text is a video of spitting or picking up a ball or what have you. I feel like the group chat is for fun conversation between all of us siblings instead of a living photo album. We’ll be having a conversation and then here comes 80 photos and all of a sudden it’s all about cowboy boots. They’ve also reached the point where we won’t have anything to do with kids and they’ll drag the child into it, like, “hey me and *Mable* just discovered this song you would like.” Cmon. Mable is like a week old she didn’t press play on the radio lol. I just think that they’ve forgotten who they are outside of being parents.
Idk it’s just a little excessive to me.
But basically AITA for just wishing they would cool it with the spam and bringing up the kids in everything? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dezbqrLtRlRqJ8wy9TpjIv8nfpAIY6Zk | azriiw | {
"description": "being friends with someone out of pity",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being friends with someone out of pity? | I had an online (best) friend for about 4 years. I only knew her for a couple months when she became depressed. She was lonely irl with a ton of family issues. She was my best friend, not out of pity. I wanted to make her feel better and I listened to her rants, and offered my opinions. Occasionally she would disappear to take breaks from social media, but when she came back I was really happy to see her, and she was always happier after the breaks. Everything was all good.
Fast forward another year of being friends with her. I started being less social and had no idea how to respond to people, and much preferred listening. I never initiate any conversations with others unless it directly involves the other person because I just don’t think about talking to people, and I honestly don’t know what to say. So she started thinking our friendship was one sided and that I didn’t care about her since I barely say much in my replies, nor do I talk about my own life. I can see why she thinks that but it’s simply not true. I constantly assured her that I liked her talking to me, I just didn’t know what to say.
Because of this, she started to attack me, saying that I don’t give a crap about her, and am a shitty person for not being upfront about it. None of these things were true, even though it did seem like it. She also thought I was only friends with her out of pity, but at the time, I really wasn’t. When she would text me at school and I don’t reply immediately, she would also talk about how she’s really sad that I don’t care about her and whatnot. And it hurted me a lot. But I couldn’t tell her that, I didn’t want her to end up sadder than she already was. Sometimes she did talk to me about stuff that I didn't want to reply to, like intimacy stuff with her boyfriend. I'm 15 and very uncomfortable about it, which contributed to her feeling this way further.
She continually implied that I made her depressed. She already has low self esteem issues, and me ‘not wanting’ to be friends with her made her even less confident and able to trust. At that point I was so hurt (but couldn’t say anything) that I actually started being friends with her out of pity because she had no other friend and was depressed enough already. So I just continued to listen to her rants.
Though I didn’t know what to say most of the time, I was occasionally helpful. I helped her with her highschool courses, helped motivate her get through a year of college, convinced her to get out of a relationship she didn’t want to be in, etc. (still a very small fraction of stuff I could’ve helped her with but didn’t) , and now that she has people in her life and is happy, I was finally able to drift away from her. We still keep streaks, but I guess that’s how our friendship ‘ended’.
Am I the asshole for being friends with her out of pity for a really long time and made her feel like crap because of how I text people? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5NQ3XNUYLaoSa2Bo4FKknNm1RqdCYCSN | atuv1h | {
"description": "breaking off the engagement through text",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For breaking off the engagement through text? | Please bare with my since English is not my first language and I am on mobile.
I was due to get married August but I found out my “fiancé” has a Snapchat account when he clearly told me he had deleted it. I tried to stay calm and wanted to think that maybe I am jumping to conclusions but I found out that he made that Snapchat account to send nudes and sext other woman and I am fucking devastated because this is not the first time I caught him cheating on me. I found enough proof and I have sent it to him so he doesn’t claim “I am crazy and jumping to conclusions.” Also he has his stuff in my house but I don’t want him to come over my house because I know he will be manipulative and make me go back to him because I still love him so much but it is better off if he stays away so I can’t see him and try to forget about him. But am I the asshole for telling him it is over through text? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 28,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
yBYwpRMXP8EHJBZukJ0VXIyxx6kwzp7K | aqrcn6 | {
"description": "smoking near a guy with asthma",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for smoking near a guy with asthma | I was at a party and I went out to a shed in the backyard with some friends to smoke a cigarette. A couple people came with us to smoke weed. Me and my friends can’t smoke weed for various reasons (I get random drug tests at work). They started passing the bong around and we lit our cigarettes. One of the guys asked us to go outside because the smoke triggered his asthma. Now I normally wouldn’t have a problem with this at all. People have problems with cigarettes and their smoke for good reasons. However this guy who has problems with just smelling cigarettes and being near them was taking rips out of the bong. It didn’t make sense to me how he could have a problem with cigarettes but could directly inhale a ton of weed smoke. It was freezing rain out too which added to my reluctance to go outside to smoke. My friends eventually convinced me to head outside. We had all been drinking and I guess I was being a little louder than necessary. I complained about how I thought his story was BS and I guess they heard me from inside. So AITA for not just taking this guy at his word. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
RXUUIuSaXCQHyc5BX9dgiRulTVXsAdOq | atcg40 | {
"description": "asking to keep the noise down",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking to keep the noise down | I'd like to start this by saying I'm on mobile, so sorry for weird formatting.
UN = Upstairs neighbor
Me = Me
I have really bad insomnia, I'm talking up for 4 days with no sleep. I live on the first floor of an apartment building, and we just recently had people move in upstairs, a single mom and a kid. For the first week or so everything was fine, just the normal moving in commotion.
Leading up to all of this I hadn't slept for about 4 days and was just ready to crash, that's when the screaming and running started from the kid upstairs. It stopped pretty quickly so I just shrugged it off, that's when it started again and this time went for almost 2 hours. Again I let it slide, until the very next say it started up again, this time at 7 AM and went for about 3 hours. Fed up I decided to go upstairs and ask them to keep it down (didn't want to be that neighbor and run right to the office). He was screaming so loud I could hear him clear as day from the bottom of the stairs through a metal door.
Me "hi I'm sorry to bother you but do you mind keeping it down just a little? It's pretty loud in my place."
UN "it's been really cold outside, he can't play outside and he needs to play." And before I could really reply she closed the door in my face. We live in Colorado and it's been below freezing so I get it. I thought that was the end of it but it only got worse. More screaming more running and now extremely loud kids music. I gave her one more day and ended up making a compliment with the office. She had a notice on her door the following day, but I didn't really help much and now when family comes over she loudly tells them they need to keep the noise down because I'm a child hating bitch.
I asked my friends on Facebook and some of them think she's being ridiculous and the ones with kids think I should just let it slide. I complained one more time before posting and they got another notice this time she came down and actually yelled at me for it, and because of my lack of sleep and anxiety from lack of sleep I don't think I can be impartial on this one. Am I really in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
S5O8dCO7nLgwqyfmnTVF0lAM0FTJYPVt | b5c6xf | {
"description": "calling out the person taking/touching all of the free pizza samples",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I called out the person taking/touching all of the free pizza samples? | I was at whole foods yesterday and noticed that they had free samples of pizza on a tray for customers to try. As I approached closer I saw that there was a woman standing next to the tray grabbing every piece of pizza from the tray with her bare hands, examining them, and then putting the pieces that she liked into a box while putting the ones she didn't like back onto the tray. I stopped where I was and stared at her with my jaw agape. It really infuriated me for a couple of reasons.
1) She is being greedy and taking all of the samples so nobody else can try them.
2) She is touching all of the pieces with her bare hands and then leaving them for some other unfortunate customer.
I was really close to walking up to her and saying something like, "uhh excuse me but that's sort of disgusting what you are doing" but in the end I decided to just walk away. Also just to mention, there was an employee just a few feet away from her and they didn't seem to care at all. So WIBTA if I had called her out? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ykFiOfxfCljWoPa3XZfi3xD9p0KeQbCU | asphq6 | {
"description": "distancing from friends when I know they like me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for distancing from friends when I know they like me? | First I wanna say I’m not a cocky person. If I sound arrogant, I’m not trying to be at all. In fact I have too many insecurities to count. I like having friends but I also like having time on my own.
I can’t seem to become friends with guys that don’t end up liking me. Some of them are good at hiding it but other aren’t. Two of them (who would hide it really well) ended up getting really drunk and admitted they had feelings for me. I still talk to one of them often as he didn’t make things awkward at all and we’re really close.
Other ones are just showing signs and it’s bothering me. I can’t help but feel that they’re only good friends because they secretly wanna get in my pants!
I recently started studying with this other guy. And ever since then he wants to do everything together.
One day he wanted to study in a small room at the library when it was already late and the library was almost empty. He hesitated so much and said a room was better but I really didn’t want to be alone with him there.
He invited me to go to a club meeting but I told him I was going to another one and he showed up to that one even though I said I’d meet him later. I am starting to feel stalked and really uncomfortable.
The only thing I feel I can do and just become distant so they get the hint. Because idk if being blunt is a good idea. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
lUtCO0YEhFOJhbOJ6wnb6VcQx3cWzPCH | b6ta0w | {
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend because he went hunting",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he went hunting? | I'll start this by saying on I'm on mobile so I'm sorry for any formatting issues. Also,
I'm a bit of a rambler so this might be long. Sorry.
So I am a vegetarian with the intent to transition to veganism for ethical reasons. My boyfriend is not a vegetarian. Whenever we cook together it is always a vegetarian meal but even when my boyfriend is alone (we don't live together) he doesn't cook himself meat. He doesn't like factory farming and the treatment of factory farmed animals. The only time he eats meat is at restaurants or if someone else is cooking and makes a dish with meat.
My boyfriend owns a few guns and has mentioned in passing about an interest in going hunting. At first I didn't really take it seriously but when he applied for a hunting licence I told him that I thought going hunting seemed a bit pointless and unnecessary and didn't really fit into my ideal lifestyle. He claims he wants to hunt as a way of avoiding factory farming and likes the idea of being able to provide for himself. The way I see it is that hunting is an unnecessary cruelty because he doesn't eat meat enough to justify killing a few hundred pound animal. We got into a bit of a debate about it which ultimately ended with me telling him he's free to do what he wants but I would seriously reconsider having a relationship with him if he went hunting.
A few months ago I went on a 2 week holiday to visit my friend in another country on her birthday. I have only recently discovered that my boyfriend took this as an opportunity to go hunting with a friend of his from work. I only found out because a mutual friend happened to mention it. When I confronted my boyfriend about it, he said not to worry because they were unsuccessful anyways and that he technically never lied to me. I've told him I need time and space to myself to think as I feel he was deceitful and I'm torn between him and my passion for animals. So far he's telling me I'm being unreasonable and most of his friends agree.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
GSW1wnpKL3jANuEVOU23QtkDcPYn7TXx | b6ncha | {
"description": "ghosting someone who is homeless",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ghosting someone who is homeless? | I met a girl who was homeless near my university about a year ago. She asked for some food and I decided to do a little more, and took her to shop got some things she really needed.
I started trying to help her more and would meet up on a weekly basis because she told me she wanted to go to med school one day and was near the university to see all the free lectures she could. I was also applying to medical school, so it seemed like I could also help her with more academic things.
Over the course of these meetings, her requests for things starting getting a bit more than I could afford and even when I’d set a limit, she’d try and guilt me into buying more. I worked full time in a lab and would get out really late. I would still make time to meet her, but she’d say I was just trying to get rid of her if our outings lasted less than three hours.
She got really flirty and confessed her feelings for me after a few months. I told her I was flattered, but that I loved my current SO and was happy with him. She proceeded to ask questions about our sex life and my personal life. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that several times, but she kept prying. Physically, she was more touchy and if she wanted something, she’d grab my arm and massage it or do odd things like that.
I eventually told her I needed space and time away from her because She didn’t respect my limits. She proceeded to say her feelings were hurt and I should be more considerate of her as she’s in a vulnerable situation.
I’ve only seen her once time since then to give her some clothes, and keep giving vague answers as to when we can meet up again. I’m tired and strained, but I haven’t stopped texting her because that seems too mean.
TLDR: helped a homeless girl until it became too much for me financially and emotionally. Have avoided seeing her, even when she asks for help because i don’t want to feel guilt tripped again. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2dyL156ZFQVywRa10BzurzbHULGbtPir | b4icof | {
"description": "exposing my con artist neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for exposing my con artist neighbor? | Basically my old neighbor ran off, started a new life with a new name and left behind a girlfriend, kids and mortgage repayments. Turns out he was a serial liar, con artist, thief, abuser. The works. Really awful person. A lot of things have come to light about him which is too long to list here but basically crimes have been committed and the police are investigating but I’m not sure how far that will go.
Anyhow, we’ve tracked him down via instagram (public profile!) and he’s recently gotten married.
The (ex)girlfriend has done all she can do at this point - it’s really in the hands of the police now. The rest of us who were friends with him have gotten on with our lives.
But it pains me to see him go on to his next unsuspecting victim. WIBTA or would it be my place to get in touch with the new wife to warn her about her new husband? Or do I let things be?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LcTLGJFqbW7mfNuUOdqqwfdqzyVY2NjL | apkxvr | null | AITA Put on your clothes!! | AITA for telling my soon to be ex to stop walking around the house in his just his boxers?
Yesterday I asked my soon to be ex to please stop walking around the house half naked. I don't think it's an unreasonable request seeing that we don't sleep in the same room and I'm always covered. I was told, "this is my house, I can do what I want." While I understand this, I feel it is rude not to take my being uncomfortable into account. This isn't the first time I've asked and not the first time he's been rude about it.
So AITA for asking him to wear his robe? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
kKJFu8FSD3rI0g1QQfQPmQuafC8R25X9 | aq71pf | {
"description": "putting a small blob of ketchup on my friends £30 hoodie",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For putting a small blob of ketchup on my friends £30 hoodie? | Obligatory mobile postal sorry for any typos also you're in for a long one so there is a TL;DR at the end
This is from a year ago and I want to preface the post with this. My friend is a nice smiley guy who doesn't do stuff like this normally and I'm still friends with him and nothing has happened between us since.
So, we were out at McDonald's (4 of us) and we'll call my friend C.
C, me and two other friends are out getting a burger, fries and a drink. We finish up but I'm a bit slow so I just took the last half of my fries and nearly my whole drink out with me and everything is fine. We are on our way to the bus stop and all of a sudden C decides to smack my drink out of my hands. Okay that was really annoying and I ask him why the hell he did it. He said he thought it would be funny and I just got pissed of and left it at that,i reach for my fries and Whack he smacks them too. I get up with one of my friends and just go and get another fries and drink from the kfc we were next to. I have the idea to get a sachet of ketchup and go to get a little on his arm when I've gotten my food.
So, I went outside and snuck up behind C whe he was talking to our other friend and got a blob about the size of a ring pull (the bit you pull on a can) on his arm.
I ruke him as I was leaving and don't know what happened to the hoodie but as I said this was over a year ago and we've apologised and moved on (obviously) so, AITA
TL;DR friend hits fries and drink out of my hand so I get ketchup on his £30 hoodie as revenge.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
KXkAyOFIWrAyFyVxRy69SDiWfbmgG0O3 | b26j56 | {
"description": "telling my emotinally fragile friend her essay (which is already submitted) is trash and that I wouldn't give it a pass",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my emotinally fragile friend her essay (which is already submitted) is trash and that I wouldn't give it a pass. | Buckle in cause this long.
So recently a friend of mine (we'll call her k) asked me to take a look at an midterm essay worth 30% she just submitted.
Now for some context, she's a good example of the self destructive behavior, self medicating type. She spends most of her time partying, drunk and high (to the point where I've never seen her sober). Shes also an emotional wreck, to the point where her roommate moved out because she never stopped crying.
Me and my friend C try to be supportive, where she knows that I'm perfectly happy to put aside my own issues to help her with work. But sadly enough she doesn't do the work, and doesn't want to try, therefore shes been failing all her past midterms.
Recently when we are all hanging out, she asked me to look at her essay. It was very bad. There was only a page and a half. Plenty of grammatical mistakes, run on sentences. What irritated me the most was the lack of a clear thesis.
I told her quite frankly that it was really bad and I'd be happy to help her edit it. She told me that she already handed it in, and started crying that she couldn't fail another midterm.
Now my ADHD dumbass started voicing my thoughts. Why didn't you get it looked over, why is there no thesis, and how the hell do you expect to pass with this. She was crying and told me to leave. I went into the other room with C to tell him what happened, we could hear her bawling in the other room.
Fast forward to last night, I was hanging out with her only remaining roommate and C. K comes home drunk and high out of her mind. When she gets there things lead back to the essay. Here she starts screaming to everyone asking them to tell her she passed the essay. No one answered, until my friend C told her that she probably passed. K told me to leave. And as I was leaving I asked C why she lied to her, in earshot of K.
I'm not going to lie, I can be an asshole sometimes (mainly cause I dont think about what I say). But, the reason why I'm sorta pissed at her is because people are willing to help you, but she just wants to go to the club and smoke dope all day. Anyways I dont think were going to see her return next year. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kqx9NNo0FW3xpXvchbtk1oyJTXcp6syc | b45txw | {
"description": "wanting to change my contract",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Wanting To Change My Contract? | I'm a cosplayer, and struck up a partnership with a photographer. We've been friends for years, one of the most compassionate people I know. We struck up a fair and beneficial contract to protect us both from potential issue. I have yet to sign it, we keep forgetting. As partners, despite it being my brand and content, I wanted them to have an almost equal amount of creative input as I did. I want to work together and make something neither of us could make on our own. We mashed our ideas together last month to narrow down to the best. He never responded to my ideas, after I asked there times, so finally we went with one of his ideas because it was the only option left. I wasn't bummed- it was a cool idea. Fast forward and we've done the shoot, I'm waiting to see shots, when suddenly one is already posted (a month early) without my knowledge. I didn't get to help pick the photo, and it being early created a LOT of extra work on my side. We release two to public, so when the time came to pick the second we disagreed about which one. They told me to trust them, that theirs was better and people would like it more. We argued, I told them that I was upset and felt steamrolled and they said 'sorry you feel that way. Fine, I'll just shut my mouth and show up and take pictures.' but that isn't what I wanted. I wanted to work together, and when I told them how I was feeling, I felt brushed off like I had no right to be hurt. They apologized for posting the first photo, but said all the extra work it created for me was no big deal so maybe I'm overreacting. They said it's my fault for not just saying I didn't want to do their idea, but I didn't mind doing their idea. I just hated feeling like my ideas weren't even good enough to acknowledge, and that they picked the first photo without me, and now I wasn't getting to pick the second. I got more and more upset and said 'fine, since you obviously know what you're doing do whatever you want.' They posted their choice, knowing it upset me. But I did give them permission to post it so that's on me. Two stupid photos are not a big deal, but I'm afraid to sign a legally binding contract and then find out that my project isn't 'mine' after all and my partner doesn't care about my feelings or my satisfaction with the product I'm putting out. We've already started working together, but instead of signing the contract I agreed to, I want to ask to change it to better protect my right to creative input. AITA for wanting to change a contract I already initially agreed to? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
FiJsIHRn77S7dViGzz5Jpo2L0DrYX1Ua | b2866n | null | AITA and should feel guilty for what my upstairs neighbour did because i woke him up one time too many, even though we had an agreement? | I moved into a privately rented out house for 5 with 4 others already living there. When i was on the tour i asked the if room would be reasonably soundproof so i wouldnt bother others and others wouldnt bother me. I was told yes by the landlord, turns out later he never knew, and lied. So i moved in because the price was reasonable and the space was big. We share everything except food and our private rooms.
Later that week i moved in, and i sit late (after 23, house rules) chatting with my friends online and telling them about my new place. Morning after i get a noise complaint from the upstairs neighbour about talking too loud and i realise the walls and ceiling are paper thin. So we agree that id avoid the weekdays and generally keep it down if i could. I agree and gives him my number so if something is wrong he can text me. Later that day wall-to-wall neighbour plays his guitar. No stereo could have played that clearer. I realise this isnt going to be easy but let's try this out.
What i came to know is that these people clean flawlessly in fear of offending anyone else in the house, so im cooking as little as i can in the kitchen and try to adapt just out of mutual respect. My upstairs neighbour beg to differ on that one. Because over 2 months i disturbed him sometimes at night, and i always say sorry and stop all noise to not annoy him further. What he started to do was "exposing" me because i left a spot, or generally blamed me for not properly cleaned things even though i was not accountable for it. So i expect he holds a grudge against me for this.
Now for why i posted this in the first place. Last night on saturday to sunday at 3:30 am im up, and was quiet up until that point when a friend calls me. We start chatting and laugh a bit, but i knew it was very late, so i was sure to check my phone as i do (its become a habit at this point) to make sure i dont disturb my upstairs neighbour. Suddenly my Internet goes out and i shake my headset off. Outside my door across the room (the wifi router is roughly 3 meters away from my door) a power plug is dropped and quickly picked up, and footsteps up the stairs is heard. I know it was him because he is the only one living upstairs. He unplugged the wifi router, and stole the wires. Great. Now next morning everything is plugged back in, so i know it was targeted towards me because im the only nightowl in this house. To say the least he got what he wanted.
I feel like he could have used the decided method between us, or at least knocked on the door and complain. He could have notified the landlord that im being loud and violating the rule if he thought so. Im thinking of going to the landlord to complain, but im split because i know i caused all of this, but that was a childish move for a man in his twenties. Im thinking of moving out sooner or later because this doesnt seem to work. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
O0kUkRUGnQVuObeTIH8ZpF7IWP9cgp5n | b7j1h2 | {
"description": "walking out of my job without clocking out or telling anyone tl:dr at the bottom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for walking out of my job without clocking out or telling anyone TL:DR at the bottom | So I’m 16(M) and in November I got my first job working at McDonald’s just to make some money to pay for my car and car insurance when I get a car. And when I first started they put me on deep fry which was cooking all the frozen stuff (Mcchickens, nuggets, chicken tenders, and crispy chicken) which was not a hard job by itself(actually kind of boring sometimes). Then after that they trained me on grill, which was also cooking the patties, bacon,etc. a little harder than deep fry since you had to keep everything stocked and that also the patties sell the quickest but not too bad . And while I was on the grill they would put someone else on deep fry. But then about 1 month into the job they started putting me on deep fry AND grill which kind of bugged me but most of the time wasn’t hard if we weren’t busy. But when we would get a big rush,which was from about 3:30-4:30 and then another big rush from about 6:00-6:45 or 7:00. And of course with every job you’re gonna have some person that is a complete Asshole. And that guy was bob( not his real name) and bob would piss me off so bad almost all the time. He would try to boss me around, say that my regular meat looked shitty(reg meat is the basic meat that goes on all the burgers),and one time he spilled grease and told me to clean it up which I didn’t because it’s not my job. So most of the time I worked Monday,Tuesday,Friday,and Saturday(sometimes Thursday too) so I would clock in expecting to do grill or deep fry that day only to find out I’m doing both and this went on for about 3 months.( I should also say that my manager hired at least 6 people during that time that could’ve been put on one of the two so that I didn’t have to do both,just one) so about 2 weeks ago I decided I had enough of doing both every day, and bob making me mad all the time I told myself “I’ll give my them until 5:00 to bring in somebody to help me and if they don’t I’m leaving” no one came. So I filled up the deep fry freezer, filled up all the trays and stuff, and just walked out.
TL:DR- got tired of doing two jobs, was also tired of my coworker pissing me off all the time ended up walking out during my shift. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
dbGRQZc4FL9H1EN2lhvzumPM54a9wnjx | b8dhvk | {
"description": "unfollowing my close friends Instagram for being too self-absorbed and fake",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for unfollowing my close friends Instagram for being too self-absorbed and fake? | I’ve had a good friend for about 2.5 years now and she’s always been sort of into her Instagram. She’s smart and kind, but also socially anxious and pretty self-centered. Like not selfish, just self-centered. I unfollowed her Instagram recently and got confronted on it.
The last year or two she has gotten more into the Instagram and into this idea of being an influencer and into her “aesthetic”. All with this light pink filter into this very ideal life of hers that frankly isn’t that accurate. She probably spends about 3-4 hours a day on it easily. She follows about 5000 accounts and has around 6000 followers. More than that, the amount of her mental energy that goes towards it is pretty bizarre to me. I don’t spend much time at all on Instagram and basically only follow friends.
About 6 months ago she made a smaller private account for just friends and she posts more stuff from parties or personal insights into her life. I’m quite a bit more comfortable with that and it’s not that fake.
I unfollowed her main account a couple of days ago because I would get a weird feeling seeing it. That it’s just not real and how much time goes into these pretty fake posts. I didn’t feel a need to follow it either, as I can see her day to day on the other one.
She confronted me about it in the most non confrontational way today, with a couple long DMs. I had said that I preferred to follow her other one because t was the friend I knew and loved. She went off about how it upset her because it’s something she’s passionate about that people don’t accept and wishes people would be more supportive of her hobby. And she says I don’t have to look at it all of the time, which is true, the amount that it bothers me is not greater than our friendship or anything.
I do see how she feels, and I’m not sure if it means I’m unsupportive as she says I am.
Yeah. I know it all sounds small and petty, especially given the subject matter, but I do take friendship pretty seriously, especially as Im getting older and don’t see these friends as much in person. Thanks for reading through this, it’s a bugs life. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Qhsz3maVxMwsrCePFpbZlskaShpW9Iak | any7gy | {
"description": "making a girl cry",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for making a girl cry? | So, I live in a small town, our school has under 100 students, so people know each other well. I was with my friend group, then when I made a joke about me being fat (which all of us did, sort of a inside joke), my classmate (who has been an annoying pest everyday, screaming in class, not behaving well, and acting like a nuisence) starts insulting me for my weight. She might have wanted to add some banter of her own, but she took it too far, so I thought of a way to get back at her, so I immediately started talking about her ex and I said "Good luck with getting (Ex's name) back!" She got pissed off, I had been telling her to shut up in class and insulting her for her lack of manners, and said that she was gonna go snitch to our main teacher, I didn't really care at the time, I wasn't the one to start attacking the other person. Then in class she starts screaming that I bite, when told that we have to sit together for some assignment, I tell her "Shut the fuck up" to which the teacher tried to stop the argument, but I start yelling at the teacher that the girl doesn't know how to behave, and then she starts insulting me again, I had enough, and then said "Maybe if you didn't look like a whale and learned some manners, there would be more people that don't want to stab you with a pencil." She started crying. I don't feel remorse for this situation, but would love to hear your opinion. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
Z6hdlA28kqljqdEFzeQkXaN5DXaVCmnI | a27jkx | {
"description": "telling my sister not to give me a \"bad\" present for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for telling my sister not to give me a "bad" present for Christmas? | Background; I'm a middle child. Older sister is 7 years my senior, younger and I are less than a year apart. Grew up poor as fuck, appreciate what I have/what I earn. I'm not spoiled (contrary to popular opinion). We're all grown, we're all neurotypical, we all function "normally", we all have jobs (She's got a better income than me, and in-laws that pay 99% of her and her wife's bills, no joke) and the focus is usually on the kids in our family, with one or two things for the adults.
I do my damnedest to give thoughtful, useful, nice gifts that show the receiver that I give a damn and want them to be happy. I put a lot of time and effort into the present if not the wrapping, because I get anxious about the receiver feeling like they're not "good enough" for a good gift, like I don't care. This is actually a huge thing for me.
For a long time, my sisters would do it together to try and make me lose my temper or throw a fit, or freak out because it wasn't good enough. I don't. I just throw the stuff away and go about my business because I'm not giving them the satisfaction of knowing I'm upset.
I've gotten back at little sister a few times, given other people things she had her hopes up for. Kept things I didn't want/need that she really, really wanted and ruined them on purpose in front of her. Fussed over little things like saving wrapping paper and delayed opening up stuff she was eyeballing.
My older sister got married and calmed down; she and I are on much better terms all around and usually do well for/with each other. My younger sister, not so much.
I told my younger sister that if she's going to give me something stupid and useless this year, do us both a favor and don't get me anything. She got in her feelings and is trying to turn people against me. Half our family is rolling their eyes and the other half is calling me selfish, greedy, etc.
Let me give you an example of some of the "greatest hits" I've recieved.
A raw potato.
A "natural pencil" AKA a burnt twig.
A 3/4 burned down scented candle...that I had bought for her.
A box of uncooked noodles.
A used toothbrush.
A pair of my own ripped tights. From the trash.
A toilet paper tube.
So, am I the asshole for telling her not to bother if she doesn't care enough to try? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
PaYBSWnmCyr6a46BgV9eDotAJFdJOs5J | aresr8 | {
"description": "asking my mom why she told my dad I'm scared to ask him for money",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my mom why she told my dad I'm scared to ask him for money? | Alright, first time poster here. I'm also on mobile so sorry in advance for any typos. But anyway, to begin. To make a long story short and to add context, my parents hate each other, but they continue to stay together in the same house as they say it's best for me (m18 first year uni student) and my little brother (14 M) to grow up in a non-broken. So as you could imagine, there's plenty of unnecessary and annoying fights that go on at home on a daily basis. My little bro, he's a tough guy, so he doesn't really seem to be affected by it, but I sometimes lay awake thinking what it would be like to live in a normal family where the parents both love each other and don't bicker back and forth over stupid stuff. It gets to me sometimes.
But anyway, I had worked the whole summer before uni started and saved some money so I wouldn't have to ask my parents for money during the school year, but it was starting to run out and it got to the point where I only had about $20 dollars left in my bank account. Now, my mom has access to my account so she can see how much is in money is in it. So she must have seen it, because she confronted me about what I was going to do for money. I said I would sort it out and find a way to make some money by getting a job a grocery store or whatever.I just really wanted to deal with my money problems myself because I didn't want to add any unnecessary stress to them. She said ok. I thought the situation was dealt with but my dad called me and asked me why I had told my mom I was afraid to ask him for money. I never said this. Ever. In fact, my Dad pays my phone bill every month (he insisted even though I said I could afford it for the year). So I told him I never said that. I then called my mom to ask her why she would say that I said that. And she said that she came to that conclusion based on me staying secretive about my financial situation. I said you can't just assume something like that and then go on to say it as if it's true. My dad isn't necessarily the most easygoing guy on the planet but I know he loves me and has never been abusive towards me or my brother. Now, my mom is pissed at me saying that I'm rude for questioning her, and she's being all passive-aggressive and stuff. AITA in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hTIyNbAVqK7u4QHrBCK5ILUf0D0CPBWT | apohr7 | {
"description": "trying to encourage my partner to be healthy",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA- trying to encourage my partner to be healthy. | First of all, I'm on mobile
I'm going into the trenches with this one and bracing myself.
OK I've been with my partner for 4 years now and it's been very wonderful, we've been living together for nearly 3 years.
I've been trying to do a lot of stuff for mine and our betterment in all little ways, I've joined a gym and started moreso clean eating and cutting out smoking and walks when the weather is right.
My lovely girlfriend is quite a heavy girl, being at 116 kilos and is having medical problems because of it that I'm trying to help in ways. I've let her be who she wants to be and encourage her if she feels happy as she is, then to stay the same when she brings up the topic which she doesn't feel happy about her weight problem.
I suggest as I'm trying to be healthy (83 kilos, 6'1 height)
She is more than welcome for me to help when I can, she mainly cooks as I work afternoon shifts, but I've always said and talked I can pre- cool healthy meals for her during the day and meal prep. She says that's great but is the type of person to eat what she wants and have it fresh, that's ok, but it's usually big carbs, like chips and meats.
I've suggested we go for walks but because of her weight her feet hurt often so I only ask first when she feels OK to do it, mind you we have different shifts but I still try.
I also suggest when her sister moves out we make the spare room into a little workout area and we do workouts together and she likes the idea, hope it sticks.
I've also been buying healthy snacks for the house and dips to try and cut out any chocolate and bad chips and such but they always make their way in here..
I've hinted now and then if she still wants to lose weight for her health and confidence sake but if I bring it up without her saying it or agreeing with her that she should for her own benefit, I get shot down. I've always tried to suggest it in the nicest way.
When we talk about outings and adventures and seeing new sights the first thing she mentions is if there's any food places around and trying new meals, and not the nice ones...
I feel like an arsehole for suggestions these things but I don't want her to feel left out. I want her to be healthy and about instead of always watching TV and drinking on weekends. I want her full of confidence as she's not feeling confident with just my praises of love and affection which I do truly feel for her.
Should I be firmer? Any suggestions folks?
And please as a reminder DO NOT even think or say I don't love and support her as I most certainly do! She has gained about 56 kilos since we got together and I want to strive for her to be confident in her skin and to feel healthier to go on bush walking and hiking, another passion of mine that I want to share with her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
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"NOBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yqeAR5nbpsq3mr2CaFmfKfRG1NT8sPfa | av4tbq | {
"description": "not taking responsibility for my drunk action",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for not taking responsibility for my drunk action? | Okay, one week ago I was at a party with my best friend and his girlfriend. I get really drunk and start a conversation with my the girlfriend, and I start talking about why I don't feel like their relationship with hold. These comments gave her an anxiety attack and she and my best friends start crying and got really hurt by my comments. Later some other people start yelling at me and it all leads to me feeling so ashamed and confused that I leave the party
A whole week transpires and none of my friends want to talk to me about what happened. And the situation actually made me quite depressed because these are pretty much the only friends I have.
My best friend came to me yesterday and talked for the first time. I get more details of what happend during that night because I can almost not remember any specifics. It turns out I said some real mean and malicious things that I can't remember.
I have apologized to everybody for what I said and that I got to drunk but I can't feel like I can grow at all from this experience. The only lesson I get from this is to turn down the alcohol which I will. But everybody still seem so angry at me and I can't think of how I can take responsibility for something that I feel like I had no control over. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
Kw9gQHeoBTJXrk48Mc2DUBuwRuGKvkJ5 | a0w1bp | {
"description": "not letting a dorm worker go upstairs first",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not letting a dorm worker go upstairs first? | For reference I'm a 16 yr old guy, and the dorm worker is a 40 yr old woman and works as an educator (means she is also responsible for teaching social norms, among other things).
Basically two of my friends and I started walking up the stairs side by side and the educator was behind us. She apparently wanted to pass us, but couldn't.
When we got up the stairs she stopped us and said how we were very disrespectful. She said that before we started going up the stairs we should have asked if she wanted to go first because she has authority.
I mentioned that a couple of weeks back she was about 15 steps in front of me on the same stairs and she stopped and waited for me to pass her for some odd reason. And then I told her sarcastically "Classic example of do as I say, but not as I do."
This lead to a 30 minute talk about social norms and how it is important to let others (who are above you in the hierarchy) pass you on stairs, for xyz reasons with which I disagreed.
AITA? Is it important to let older people and women upstairs first? She never said a thing while we were on the stairs that indicated she wanted to pass us.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Z1w59KnE9TND9r0JT3eDcyPElhCAwHIu | ar727l | {
"description": "not wanting to help my cousin with her English",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to help my cousin with her English | I live in Australia 19(M) my cousin lives in Pakistan 19(F) she says its her dream to travel to Australia and study here (study in Pakistan sucks!) I've been helping her for a while by correcting her english in voice messages she sends me which often require very little correction. I tell her that her english is very good constantly because she tells me she's depressed and that she often doesnt go to her english academy but just stays home in bed.
She tells me that after I started helping her she feels more confident however she still pity's herself constantly and I feel pissed off and awful at the same time. I don't know if I'm an asshole for not giving her more of my time (she often complains that I give to much time to my other cousins who I'm currently visiting in Pakistan, she lives at her uni). Most of my cousins are younger children and a couple are my age so I'm super busy when they get back from school. While they're at school my cousin whos learning english is at her academy so I can't help her then either.
Now last night at almost midnight she sends me 6 minutes worth of voice messages so I tell her I'll get back to her in the morning. She insists I listen to them and correct the english in them before going to bed. It's now 2pm the next day and I haven't replied. I don't know if its wrong because last time I took too long to reply she sent me a message at 3 am telling me she feels like she can't get anything done and that she's not going to her academy but just staying in bed at her hostel. She said that she only has confidence to go while I'm helping her.
Listening to her self pity has taken a toll on my own happiness which is the main reason I'm putting off listening to her messages. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4qGBYeiq3iOai4xixZZAocBGpkrFvOLF | a92kai | {
"description": "not wanting my so to text her exhusband",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting my SO to text her exhusband | Wasn't sure how to title this so bear with me....
So i met a woman (dating about 5 months) while she was in the midst of divorcing her alcoholic husband. First court date came and he asked for a postponement. 2nd court date was scheduled for earlier this month. She withdrew the divorce so she could keep him on her health insurance plan. All the while she's constantly calling him and texting him. She almost always initiates unless he needs something. She pays his bills, including the cc bill he used to buy his gf expensive dinners. They broke up this week so most if the texts where him telling my SO he stills loves her etc. Her response was "i love you too but you need to focus on getting better" That pretty much did it for me. What started this was waking up this morning to her texting him while she was next to me. So reddit...and excuse me if this was a little convoluted...AITA for getting mad and wanting out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
cB3Kn4Ss3wuuEPjZRTtGOFiQceHjmv3e | b4lqyh | {
"description": "not wanting to give my gf money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to give my gf money? | I landed a job working in a warehouse where I make decent money some time ago. Not really having to stretch but still mind my financial status. In comes my gf who I've been dating for some years. Everytime I get paid it's like I'm giving her close to $200 in all or more for what it seems like no reason. She has an ok job making a bit over minimum wage but constantly complains about not having any money after paying bills(phone and car insurance) but doesn't put forth the effort to find a new job that'll pay more. I had the same job as her previously and I still managed to keep up with my bills and help her on the occasion but it seems like her money just disappears after a week and being followed up with "idk..." after I ask her where it all went. She's even started getting defensive when I ask her what she's gonna use the money for before I consider giving it to her. I have no problem contributing my part and a little more but it's become excessive to the point where I wanna just tell her no so I have to ask AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VBQhYB0dOvH6m6k3CXqcmXXeO1BbRXIB | b6y1mn | {
"description": "wanting to watch porn",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for wanting to watch porn? | Last night (M)y long term girl(F)riend and I were in bed. I was interest in having sex but she had said that she wasn’t feeling it. I then asked asked if she was okay with me just masturbating because I was still in heat and of course didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. She said it was cool so I grabbed my phone to pull up some NSFW subreddits and get going. As soon as she realized I was going to look at some porn gifs she let out a disappointed “hhmmppff” . When I asked why she did that she told me she thought it was wrong of me to want to watch porn when she was right next to me. She wanted me to use my imagination, and think about her to jerk off while she was going to sleep. I thought that was sort of weird. I used porn a lot when we had been long distance and it became commonplace for me when masturbating. It’s clear she seemed to think of it as emotion cheating of some sort but I see it more as primal than emotional and don’t think jacking off to porn with her there should be immoral. She made me feel bad about how I masturbate and now it’s bugging me. Can y’all let me know who the A****** is? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
YufIsdVyE4Ript7ap5csyJUqDVijOF0K | axwy4s | {
"description": "making someone walk in cold weather so I wouldn't be late for work",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making someone walk in cold weather so I wouldn't be late for work? | I'm currently employed in an administrative position at an office which is quite close to the college my sibling attends. Because my sibling doesn't have a driver's licence yet, I often drive them to college on my way to work in the morning. This involves going out of my way a bit, usually in heavy traffic, but it isn't an issue provided we leave early enough.
On this particular day, however, we were a bit late in leaving the house, and ended up reaching town just in time for the morning rush hour. We were sitting in traffic at a standstill about ten minutes' walk from the college. It was quite a cold morning, about 5°C, but it was a dry one. I figured that at this rate, I was going to be late for work, but if my sibling got out and walked the rest of the way, I might just make it. (My sibling's first lecture didn't start for about another half an hour, to my knowledge.)
I asked my sibling if they would mind walking the rest of the way, and they were rather annoyed by it. They agreed, however, and I got to work with about five minutes to spare. I feel bad about making them walk on a cold morning, but I'm all but certain that I would have been late myself if I hadn't done so. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
grkKeJJpWunEYVTHBaSX4FCZZIgw9yve | a94rgg | {
"description": "getting a tattoo",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for getting a tattoo? | A few years ago, I borrowed money from my sister. I have a better job now and just got a Christmas bonus that will allow me to pay her back in full.
I asked her if I could pay her back, and she insisted that she didn’t want it, that we’re family and that I should keep and save my money. She’s much better off financially than I am and never, ever asks me for money. I pay for things when we go out together about equally.
Here’s where the question comes in. My entire family is pretty against tattoos, parents especially. My sister has one we got together, but ultimately, she always tells me to save my money instead of getting them and scolds me for having so many as is.
If I used half of the money from my Christmas bonus that I would’ve otherwise used to pay her, WIBTA for getting a tattoo? I’d save the rest of it. I only get tattoos when I have extra money for them, and this qualifies. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mTVj1eSB3z980fTjYZ8pbsCjq45Q5HJp | alul23 | {
"description": "telling my manager another employee is leaving",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my manager another employee is leaving? | So I’ve left my job today. While training the new starter that was replacing me, he decided to tell me to “keep it on the down low, but he’s starting a new job in a month”. So basically, he was staying at the company (which I left on good terms) for a month and then leaving to go to another job. Usually it wouldn’t bother me but I know my manager wanted to hire someone that wanted to stay there for a long time. While this new guy wanted to stay for a month to get a pay check and leave. Am I the asshole for telling my manager that the new guy is leaving so to not waste his time on him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Lv7TzKYSCBo5EoFeJLhlBPgDXdqjDkyM | al4mbt | {
"description": "expecting my girlfriend to move on short notice",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for expecting my girlfriend to move on short notice? | We’ve been together for over 2 years. I’ve traditionally worked in high risk startups with high turn over so I need to find work every year or 2. I have sacrificed a lot personally for my career. A year ago I relocated to a small town in the middle of no where for a niche project. I knew it was a volatile situation but I was making 6 figures. It was an hour from where I met my girlfriend where she was living. She moved as well and went from working customer service at a car dealership in the city to one of the local ones in town. She makes about 30K.
I was laid off a few months ago and have been looking for work. There is quite literally no where for me to work here and I don’t want to move back to the city. We have the highest taxes and poorest population, no access to health care etc. I would get way more for my money elsewhere.
Anyway I have an incredible opportunity to work with a startup and by the sound of our conversations it will be a quick turnover, like hired and start packing that night kind of thing. I see no issue with this but my girlfriend was furious. Right before my final interview with the CEO she freaked saying I don’t consider her feelings and her life. Her issues with moving were that her band is releasing an album. She quit her band when she moved a year ago, her band replaced her but they have already recorded and mastered the audio, they are working on art work. She maybe sees them for an evening a month. Her other issue was that it would be farther away from her family. Her parents are retired, with disposable income and have came to see us once for a few hours. Lastly she says she can’t just up and quit her job. In my opinion she works jobs that require no specialized skills or education and are deadend. She doesn’t actively pursue promotions or have seniority etc.
I have told her repeatedly I’m not forcing her to do anything and she can come and go as she wants. I also suggested she go to school and I take care of us financially while she does. I offered to also fly her home when she wishes. We would be living a 2 hour flight away.
Am I an asshole for expecting her to leave her job because mine makes significantly more than hers? I am pissed because I feel like I have enough to worry about and should be focusing on securing a new job, not worrying about this.
TLDR: I need to relocate for work and expect my girlfriend to be on board because I make more than her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
xO8dG9eC7ydRg9ToGUlOrKlqhvILVd6h | antv6w | {
"description": "not liking my friends relationship choices",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not liking my friends relationship choices? | First things first she is on the road to transitioning from a woman to a man and she has decided she will be a gay trans man.
However yesterday she told me how she is dating her friend WHO IS TRANSPHOBIC (he doesn’t know).
She wants to be gay, so she goes out with a straight male who is transphobic. I told her this is obviously a bad idea and that she should be careful with what she is doing.
I messaged her asking about the obvious issues there are and she went on about how she loves him and how he “doesn’t need to know” and “it’s not like it’s he’ll find out” but I have the feeling she thinks I’m a bit of an ass for asking.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4jX6NMG9IjbdcdKetTh2ohh193gU0Flj | az0ar5 | {
"description": "confronting my boyfriend and guy friends for not defending me when I was upset by harassing comments from boys",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA for confronting my boyfriend and guy friends for not defending me when I was upset by harassing comments from boys? | Title doesn’t give much info so I will explain further.
This happened about 20 minutes ago. I (20F) just finished seeing captain marvel with my boyfriend and a group of our all guys friend. There were 5 boys in total (they average about 6’2” together) and little old 5’1” me (female). As the movie ended we began to walk out. I fell behind and was stuck walking with a group of young boys.
Please note for the next part I did not make eye contact with any of the boys and had not even been sitting near them during the movie.
As I was walking with said group of young boys one of them purposely bumps into me and stares at the side of my face. He then takes a deep inhale and goes “UGH smells like fish sticks!!” His entire entourage of boys copy and begin also yelling “ugh do you smell those fish sticks!!” “Fish Sticks!!” And so on.
I begin to push my way through them as I immediately become upset as that is a touchy subject for most women. As I am pushing my way through them they begin to make obnoxious moaning noises as if they were pleasured by me pushing through them.
I grab onto my boyfriends jacket and say “Hey! Why didn’t you say something they’re saying I smell like fish sticks”
His response is “ThoseCacti, they’re 13. That’s just giving them what they want. What am I gonna do? You don’t even smell who cares.”
I agree. I see his point. It was probably just going to give them the reaction they wanted but I am really upset. No woman wants to hear they smell like that. I have also confided in my boyfriend about how I am nervous and insecure if I do smell like that.
Also, after we exited the movies I was visibly upset. One of my guy friends asked me what was wrong and I told him. They all said nothing about what I just told them, said “see ya later” and left immediately even though after most movies we stand outside and talk about it.
Would I be the asshole for going back and telling my boyfriend I wish that he defended me in some way? Would I also be the asshole for telling my friends I wish they had said something too? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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jVxsg7BpBRGhoHSSoHAtNOZEoPi5UJJ5 | b2tl92 | null | AITA? Boyfriend is mad I'm not on his sleep schedule | AITA? I (27f) have been with my boyfriend (32m) for about 5 years now. For the past three, we have been on different sleeping schedules. First it was because I was working 2nd shift and he was working 1st. Now I work part time and go to school full time (mostly evening classes) and he still works first shift. He generally goes to bed between 10-11 and I go to bed around 2. For the longest time he never said anything about it or let on that he cared about me staying up late whatsoever.
However, in the last few months it has become a major issue. He made a few comments here and there about wishing I came to bed with him, but now it has escalated to the point where he is starting to get hostile about it. I’ve agreed to start coming to bed earlier and earlier to gradually get more on his schedule, but he still gets angry when I don’t go to bed at exactly the same time as him. I tried to talk to him about it to see if something else is going on that is causing this, and all he would tell me is that he wonders what I do all night, and it bothers him. Even though I’ve told him I literally just do school work, watch TV and hang out with the dog, he keeps telling me that me not coming to bed with him is ruining his mental health.
At this point I’m super frustrated that none of my attempts to compromise mean anything to him, and that he basically talks to me like I’m a disobedient child every night. I understand that he’s tired of falling asleep alone, but this is a habit I’ve had for a long time now, and I don’t understand why he’s so mad about me not changing overnight. Am I the asshole for not making more of an effort with this? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
X0RDzg7v8EHkiKFPmCnBOiqLhAfxkl3G | aqx4hk | {
"description": "completely blocking a former friend from my life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for completely blocking a former friend from my life? | sorry for grammar errors, on mobile:
I met this guy in high school about 17yrs ago, we shared a few classes together, and after talking to him a bit we shared alot of common interests, so we started to hang out. Fast forward a few years we both move out of state, I move to California, he heads to New York, but we still stay in contact through social media and we play games online almost everyday. One day I get a new friend request on Facebook from him, I accepted and asked why he deleted his old account, he said when applies for a new job he deletes his account and makes a new one for when he's job hunting. I stopped checking my Facebook account everyday for a while, since I dont post anything relevant or personal, and he'll message me on w/e game we are playing and ask me to accept a new friend request, so I do so, then start reading his profile to see how hes doing since he seems so interested in me. On his new account he starts posting and talking about "oh F the government, our nation is screwed, our military is corrupt" so I'm just like w/e to each his own. Another few months go by I get another friend request, and again he asks me to add him in game, this time around he's going on about how the catholic church is full of sinners and how we should follow sharia law to bring the nation together. Roughly 6-7months later again he makes a new profile, sends a request, messages me in game to accept the new profile and also asks if he can use me for a reference for a job position in the area at a local airport. I frankly told him that I dont want to recommend him for anything since I've only talked to him over the net for the past 7-8 years, and that I'm not going to accept his new request because its getting beyond annoying to keep accepting his requests on a platform I dont use anymore, ( I just use it to keep up with my mom at this point). He keeps pestering me about it on the games we frequent and I eventually block him on all the other games we play as well. A few mutual friends we had eventually start to ask me why I ghosted this guy for no reason, and I tell them I'm just tired of the constant profile changes and his constant need to be added every 5-6 months, I wasnt comfortable being associated with him and his views.
So AITA for purging this person from my life despite knowing them for so long?
| HISTORICAL | {
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BlA314iH1atZl63i7YGZgpKAnEE5ZcOS | aqxx9q | {
"description": "wanting a friend with mental illnesses to actually talk about it",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting a friend with mental illnesses to actually talk about it? | I've got a friend, lets call her Daisy, who struggles with some mental health stuff. I don't know what exactly she struggles from, because she's kept me in the dark about nearly everything for the last year and a half. We used to be attached at the hip.
I get it, as someone who suffers from some ongoing issues myself. The shame of being 'broken', the fear of losing friends and even employment, etc. I've cut people out too in the past - for far shorter periods than her, but still. I'm always better off in the end when people reach out to me and I actually talk about it. I've gotten help/medication as a result and can actually live with stability again.
Just in case, I've asked Daisy on multiple occasions if I'd done something to personally offend her. She always says I didn't do anything, which leaves me to assume that it really is the mental/personal stuff. Which is understandable, conversation can be overwhelming when you're struggling. But these days, I only learn about her life through happenstance and conversations with mutual friends. She never directly tells me anything meaningful anymore, and if I press her to tell me what the deal is her answer is always 'oh, I don't know'. A few times, she's even gotten angry.
I've stopped messaging her first and begging for info for the sake of my own mental health, and to give her the space she apparently needs. I've told her in the interim that her behavior has been hurtful - nothing has changed. But she still wants to call me a 'friend' and talk with familiarity that she doesnt seem to realize died a long time ago. The last meaningful thing she told me was that she was getting help - which I'm beginning to doubt was truthful. It's been five years since we met and she's in the same state, if not worse off than she was in college.
Lately, Daisy and another friend of ours (we'll call him Victor) tried dating. It didn't work out; she shut down about three months in once things started getting serious between them, even though she started flirting with him first. Now Daisy's being petty towards Victor with little microaggressions: Ignoring him in group conversations, having her character act uncharicteristically snarky towards his character in our DnD games, or making snide remarks when he tries to joke about anything. We play League together, and sometimes she'll even ignore his callouts, which obviously hurts the whole team. And like with me, Daisy won't tell Victor why when he's directly asked her. In fact, she apparently just calls him self-absorbed each time.
He called me last night to vent and ask if he was really being as self-absorbed as she says. I can agree that he can be a dick sometimes, but he's not the sort to keep being a dick if you tell him he's being a dick, you feel? He acknowledges his faults and commits to being better, but only if you're willing to talk to him so he actually has concrete goals to work on. But she won't tell him to do better or just fuck off or anything. The petty silence has literally brought him to tears in recent history.
Other people in our social group have noticed that she's been acting like this. It's starting to degrade the quality of the long term roleplay games we agreed to play together. I'm thinking of setting up one last mediation session between everyone to air out greviances and hopefully reach a peaceful conclusion. But before I do that...am I the asshole, here? For wanting to know what exactly is this nebulous mental illness is that makes her keep people at arms length? Or in the absence of that, at least a straight answer about her intentions with our dying friendship?
Tl;dr - A former close friend/someone I have to interact with on a weekly basis refuses to open up about her issues. She's already hurt people and its beginning to cause drama in the group at large. Idk if I'm entitled to a straight answer at this point or not.
Oh, and for reference: In this social group we're all in our mid 20s, and have been friends for three years or more. It's mixed company, but predominantly female. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
dp4ZtoTasFvcRv3xuUrbfSqBYTACSRrt | awftt8 | {
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend's brother to move into our house and live with us",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because I don't want my girlfriend's brother to move into our house and live with us? | I currently live in a sharehouse with one of my friends and my girlfriend. She immigrated to my country to from Vietnam to study on her parents wishes. Her parents insist that she lives in the same house as her brother as they recently found out she has been staying with me for the last 7 months. Our lease has ran out and and her brother and her family want to find a house that we can all live in together. She would rather her brother not live with us as well but she feels obligated to have him live with us because of her family's demands and she feels like she has to help him with his work at University and so he doesn't have to live with strangers. In my opinion he is 21 and he can take care of himself just like I had to. I have been vocal that I would like to keep my privacy. I would rather her brother not hear us having sex or having an argument. Am I just being an unreasonable selfish asshole here or is it reasonable to be firm that I don't want my girlfriend's brother to live with us. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KfZtvG1wVE6RxDbHfuhbKv0mwDQeNtQw | 9wecxu | {
"description": "asking my roommate to leave so I can hookup with someone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I asked my roommate to leave so I can hookup with someone? | Edit: to add some context, I haven’t asked him yet but I’m planning on asking him like this: “would you be able to do me a huge favor and maybe go to the library if you need to do some homework because I have a friend coming over and we’re probably gonna hookup”
He’s had his gf over before and I left them alone without him asking so hopefully he’ll be chill and leave but WIBTA for asking?
Update: I asked him and he was totally cool with it | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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yCWBlgx5TvSMIBCGBhTQspjVsrTnwUqv | a3h243 | null | AITA boyfriend wont let me pick date ideas. | I have been dating him for a while now and I keep asking home to go to certain events which are things I am interested in and I ask him into he format of of "hey I'm going to this thing and id appreciate if you'd go with me" but he never seems interested, which is fine I guess. But I am upset that he never makes the effort to explore my interests and everything we do are things he wants to do and days/at times that work for him. Am I the asshole for expecting him to at least give it a try? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8EmSzYZN4cb4MqwZ40BzmhF91BPl4gW4 | asipdu | {
"description": "not wanting my dad to walk me down the aisle",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting my dad to walk me down the aisle? | I'm getting married in June, and my fiance and I really enjoyed the idea of walking down the aisle together. It's not because my dad was unsupportive, absent or abusive (although he is acting that way now!). I'm a devout Catholic, and this is actually the ancient, traditional way of walking, although they allow the cultural tradition of fathers walking daughters to persist. It symbolizes the couple freely entering into marriage and approaching the altar together before God.
​
Back in September, I proposed the idea of us processing together to allow my parents to get used to it and open up for discussion. But they couldn't even talk civilly about it, they got really overwhelmed and upset and screamed at me. I'm my dad's only daughter, so he said he would take his disappointment to the grave. My dad even suggested that he wouldn't have given my fiance his blessing if he had known this would happen. For weeks afterward, my dad avoided me and my mom would remind me of how much I hurt his feelings.
​
I tried to explain the significance to him (and that if we wanted to get married at the Cathedral, him walking me wouldn't even be an option!) but he insists I made it up. My mom is Catholic and defends him, saying she has never seen that before. I am about as bull-headed as my dad, so this behavior made me want to walk with him even less. However, I have good friends and priests giving me advice, and my fiance is very level headed. They suggested compromising with my dad.
​
So last week the topic came up again, and I suggested a compromise. My dad walks me halfway, and my fiance walks me to the altar. The aisle in the church is very long, so dad will have plenty of time to walk me. He has another outburst. He said if he doesn't walk me all the way to the altar, he won't come to the wedding, and it will be the most embarrassing day of his entire life.
​
I know my dad is being manipulative and terrible here. But AITA for threatening to take this moment away from him? He said he has dreamed of this since he first ever held me. But now that he's trying to hold me hostage, I want to be on his arm even less, and I'm dreading it when it happens. Everyone insists it's "my" wedding and I should do whatever I want. But then when I tell them this story, they say I should let it happen, and I know they're right but it's confusing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
sEoZouC8XzTenNxFZmkBknN1TzfGPKt9 | arzbi4 | {
"description": "accusing my ex of cheating on me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for accusing my ex of cheating on me? | So my ex broke up with me about a year ago, and due to having a lot of the same friends we see each other often. I saw her at a Superbowl party, and after she texted me and said sorry for the way she had been treating me, and that I deserved to know what happened. I was a little surprised, but glad she did so since we see each other often enough and it would be better if we were friends again. (we've been friends a lot longer than when we dated, and I honestly don't have any feelings for her anymore but still want what's best for her. Anyways..)
One of the reasons was that she met someone, and I was fine by that. But then she posts a one year anniversary with her boyfriend, and I did the math and we were still dating for a month. I felt a little lied to that she didn't say the whole truth, so I texted her "two boyfriends at once? Not mad just disappointed"(yeah that does seem kinda asshole-ish) She said that they weren't dating then, they don't know when they started dating, so they picked the day they became close friends. All I replied was mkay.
On top of all this my grandma just died the night before, so I was already upset. She didn't know, and I tried to apologise to her and explain it, but she's blocked me on everything. The thing that bothers me is that now it's just going to be super awkward with our friends (if she's ever around anymore, you never know), and that I don't like burning bridges, because I genuinely care about anyone who's been around me, whether they were close friends or not. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Y1cPKhuTeWzBHe0KN2tXWytGQkmfdgvd | a0mcg3 | {
"description": "not rushing to get our new life together started",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For not rushing to get our new life together started? | I'm 33 and my wife is 29. We've been together for 4 years, married for just over a year.
We moved to a different country together in July as I got a job transfer. She found a job here and has her work permit, but she is still waiting on her resident's visa.
This means I'm the only one with a bank account, valid driver's license, etc. Also her salary is pretty low (I'm earning more than double what she earns). All of this means that I'm the only one able to actually financially call any shots with regards to any purchases or payments.
I have my dad and some close family friends here, but she doesn't have any of her blood relations. It's a bit harder I guess for her to feel at home. We spend most of our time with my dad and his friends.
We've been staying with my dad since we got here, and I haven't really put any effort into getting our own place, even though we can easily afford it. It doesn't make sense to me to get our own place yet since we're staying with him for free. I'll admit though, I haven't made an effort to save any money but we've been enjoying ourselves.
She's an introvert who struggles with anxiety and depression. She wants our own space where she can chill at home in her pjs after work and cook our own meals (difficult to do as we're in my dad's house).
She keeps going on at me for not doing anything to try and regain our independence as married adults. She's been arranging viewings at apartments for us and put together realistic budgets that includes saving a decent amount.
She's mentioned the idea of leaving me to go back home but I doubt she'll do that.
Am I the asshole for not putting effort into being an independent married couple just yet? Or is she the asshole for trying to rush us and threatening to leave?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
8Rd5Q30Ii8RHzwSBqWA5P0ykvqBaR5mg | ayd0rf | {
"description": "not talking to my boyfriend about my ex's endowment",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not talking to my boyfriend about my ex's endowment? | I am currently in deep, deep love with my boyfriend. He is amazing… buys me flowers on Valentines, remembers my birthday and cooks me dinner every night. Way better than how I have ever been treated. However, he is insecure about how he, *measures up* in one department? Now, before him I dated a few guys that were over 6’5” in height and my boyfriend measures at my height of around 5’6”… so when he saw some old pictures on my social media of my exes he had some concerns. Now I have never asked about any of his exes and we have never gotten into issues of jealousy before, but it seems he wants to talk about it. One of my exes in particular was underprivileged growing up any my boyfriend seems to be focused on him in particular. I refuse to talk about anything from my past, but he keeps asking about *intimate details.* Am I the asshole for not talking about my ex's endowment? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
7WJ6KB1hztssP90H5WaoIxm7bkXMDjvU | ayir2m | {
"description": "stopping being friends with someone who jokes about my (lack of) relationships",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for stopping being friends with someone who jokes about my (lack of) relationships? | Hi everyone, sorry for the formatting I'm typing this on my phone.
So, I'm good friends with someone since a few years since he goes to the same college as me.
We've always been okay with banter but this one is making me quite uncomfortable.
Since he's had a new gf he started joking about me being single when we're hanging out with mutual friends or at parties.
It's not really something I'm insecure about, since I do not want to be in a relationship at the moment. And with the workload of engineering, the gym and my hobbies, I honestly have time left only for sleeping.
I asked him a few times to stop doing it when we're with others friends but he eventually starts doing it again.
I've actively trying to cut contact with him recently since I feel like he doesn't respect my boundaries anymore. But I feel bad since we've known each other for a long time.
So reddit, aita for cutting contact? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
185gadwymI9ZbgbJf3fmz7apEt4Ywj7S | b3a4l2 | {
"description": "planning to go out with my ex's best friend without telling her first",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for planning to go out with my ex's best friend without telling her first? | This happened about two days ago, I started texting my ex gf's best friend because I was looking to make new friends, and maybe start a new relationship if everything went alright, she seemed interested as well so I felt like taking my chances.
We planned on going out on Saturday, which meant I wouldnt be able to join my friends that way. But I was sure they wouldnt mind, so I planned it anyway.
The very next day , i made the mistake of telling my ex I wouldnt be able to join on Saturday. She disnt let it slide, she immediately began asking me why and wouldnt take no for an answer. Afterwards, I explained to her what was going on, and she told me off because I didnt tell her first, "thus ruining my credibility". She kept sarcastically thanking me because she couldnt join me and her friend, and kept saying stuff along the lines of "If i hadnt asked you when were you going to tell me?"
Personally, i think she shouldnt have made such a big deal out of it, and frankly its really none of her business.
So reddit Am I The Asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
R7H9rW6wHkOfhvHJ2dXTvOU1gCUitdQD | b2jvtd | {
"description": "not wanting to be my mother's confidant",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be my mother's confidant? | I'm 17 years old right now and I really can't take ot anymore. Every time my parents have an argument, my mother always comes straight to me to complain about my father and I just?? Like seriously? I know he's an ass most of the time but sometimes I feel like she treats me as her therapist than her daughter. It has been going on for YEARS and every time it happens I get super annoyed and agitated for some reason and I literally can't focus on anything but her complaining.
I know I should be a good daughter and be there for my parents but I think that's asking for too much right? Or maybe I am an asshole hahahahaha. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 33,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 34,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I1qfHDCcSPUrnUkalrJfrJaXHvy0KhYS | ba40a6 | null | AITA Apologized wrong | So Thursday was my birthday and a couple friends came down from Huntsville to visit me in Houston. We hung out at this pub for a bit then went to Papadeaux were another friend invited us and some others and we had a small gathering and a great time.
Well one of the guys who came is this very loud boisterous guy, let’s call him Harry. So on the way out, my friend from Huntsville, we’ll call her Vickie, is complaining about how Harry was manspreading his legs and is so loud he was literally screaming in her year. Me and my other friend from Huntsville, Krista, laugh and tell Vickie that he is the male version of her because she also is quite loud and boisterous. Well she does not like that comment st all and we agree that we’ll no she is only that loud when she is drunk , but it’s obviously not a comment she likes so we drop it. She is still upset about it in the car so I say sorry and then joke she’s not allowed to get mad at me bc it’s my birthday.
Anyways the next day I have boring meetings all day so I’m texting her and she is bitching again about some dude she likes that doesn’t like her back and how he is friends with krista but not her and then suddenly she goes:
“ok well i dont really fucking care. besides you were both being rude yesterday comparing me to that guy and then laughing together about how annoying you find me when i drink so I dont really plan on getting drunk around yall anymore anyway. If he wants to keep treating me like shit and obsess over yall it wont matter bc I dont need to be around it anyway.”
Ooook... ? This guy doesn’t obsess over us btw, it’s called friendship. But she gets upset and is like, is that what you got out of it?
Now at first I’m pretty annoyed like I was having a perfectly fine day and now you are yelling at me about last nights comment? Whatever. Suck up my pride and apologize. So I say: Sorry if I hurt your feelings it wasn’t my intent dude
But apparently I did. All 4 times. What 4 times? Well, in the pub, my apartment, in the restaurant and in the car coming back. But she didn’t even meet this guy until the restaurant. Oh but it’s bc we laughed at how loud she gets when she is drunk. We were a couple of mean girls actually.
Then she copy pasted this internet argument about how using the word “if “ in an apology is saying the problem is with the offender not the offendee. She says the problem is I didn’t acknowledge I hurt her feelings but that’s the first thing I did.
So my question is, now what? I already apologied and I’m not going to grovel since apparently it wasn’t good enough. Am I being out of line here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
33OZxdNkRCYaiHnIZtQAK1TY4yQogq1j | aor3yz | {
"description": "not wanting to \"be comfortable\" around my friend's boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not wanting to "be comfortable" around my friend's boyfriend? | One of my friends recently started dating this guy. We're in our third year of college and she is my best friend. We have lived together since freshman year and we get along so well. This guy is a senior but was suspended a year and therefore takes many classes with us and they started becoming friends. I don't know exactly what happened to cause the suspension but it was related to the sexual assault of a girl. He did not carry out the assault, as he was only suspended, but he was definitely part of it somehow.
Since we have known him, he has been a great guy. He is funny, nice to her and reasonably respectful. However, perhaps because I was raised more conservatively, I always thought of the assault and kept a distance. I did not want to be friends. I tried to not be rude but I definitely avoided talking to him and was more curt and/or reserved when he started conversations with me. He got the message and it was fine as we had different friend circles. However, once they started dating, he has started coming out with our friend group and everyone is warming up to him. My friends have started to ask me to get to know him and "be comfortable" around him.
I do not want to befriend this guy but I love my friend and we are roommates. He makes her happy and seems to be a perfectly great guy, other than this blip on his past. My friend is lovely. She would never force me to be okay with him. She knows that I don't like him so she does not bring him over or talk about him when we are alone. I know how my reaction must be weighing on her. I want to support her and be excited for her. I believe people can change but being even complicit in sexual assault is so unforgivable to me that I never want anything to do with this guy. AITA for being the only one who does not want to give this guy a chance. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
zxrh2epwZQdmZomoevoZeTT1DT4m83Fh | b4hxy5 | {
"description": "believing my parents like/prefer my sister more than me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for believing my parents like/prefer my sister more than me? | Okay so I (20f) have worked everyday since I was 16, my younger sister, call her S, is 3 years younger. She used to have a Saturday job and make almost more than me a day. Anyways I used to make a 45 minute bus journey to work every day while S could walk or take a 10 minute bus journey. My parents always refused to pick me up from work even at 2/3am when I had to work late and so if I had no money I would walk home take almost 2 hours but at anytime during the day because S’s work closed at 7pm, they would drop whatever they were doing and pick her up. I assumed it was an age thing but even when I was 16 they never picked me up and I still had to walk. So a little into her job S’s boss turns out to be a bitch and my sister leaves (which is also why I left my first job but had to get another to pay my parents) and is now unemployed just attending school and getting £60 every second week. Now I pay £200 a month to share a bedroom with S and have since I started working, while she was working she never paid any digs or petrol money for getting picked up which I had too if I asked for a lift anywhere. My mum told me that regardless of me having a job I would be paying the £200 a month like it or not.
My second point is kind of money related, so anytime my mum is out shopping or just out anywhere and sees anything S might like she will buy her it, makeup/clothes/shoes etc. I asked her why she never buys me anything and she told me that anything I like is just a waste of money because she doesn’t have the same likes in clothes/shoe/belongings etc I have collected a few pop heads which my mum has said is stupid and a waste of money. So she never buys me anything because she doesn’t like it.
Another thing is that the £200 a month I pay for my half of the bedroom I share with S goes to the holidays that my mum takes my younger brother and sister in (caravan/Camping) I don’t really mind but the thing that gets me is that even though I pay money for half a bedroom it’s all decorated and suited out for S, she has drawers to keep her clothes a desk for her mirror and all her make up while I have 2 boxes to keep my clothes and all my other belongings that my mum doesn’t like is stored away up the loft because there is simply no space in the room for anything of mines.
There was also talk about my parents booking Florida for my sister 18th next year while for my 18th I went to the bingo with my mum, her friends and one of my friends.
Basically everything seems to be done according to what S wants and nothing I do, care about, or anything is worth any of their attention so I don’t know if I’m the asshole for thinking they prefer her over me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rjPFRRNiHxLfJzJARSTkixzsByE5CnoN | arqrvw | {
"description": "not wanting to house sit in this situation",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to house sit in this situation? | So I am going to start off with some back story.
My husband and I are moving in with my parents this week in order to save money to buy a house.
At the end of march my cousin is going on vacation for 9 days and asked if we would like to stay at his house and I would feed and water his dogs and take them on a walk occasionally in that time. But mostly it would just be so we could have a place alone for a week or so. He has another family friend that lives a few houses down from him that could easily take care of the dogs. They are outside dogs with the ability to go into a heated garage or dry chicken coop to stay out of the elements. They used to be inside dogs until he moved to this house and his yard is half mud so he doesnt want them on his new hardwood floors and carpets.
So here is where the question AITA comes in. I have a German Shepherd puppy who will be about 6 months at the time we go over there. She is attached to me at the hip as I do not work and she goes every where with me.
After initially asking my cousin says "you can bring your dog but she has to stay outside or in the heated garage but I dont want her in the house"
I let him know that's not going to work. She needs constant supervision and she also isnt going to do well and probably back slide in her training if she is left to her own devises for 9 days.
So he follows it up with "well you can put her on a leash and just make sure she stays in the kitchen. I would pull the rug up in the living room but that's just a lot of hassle having to move the couches off of it"
So I politely declined saying "thanks for the offer but I'm sure only a month in to living with my parents we arent going to need a break from them and it will just be too much of a hassle for me with all of the rules my dog will have to follow. Since he already has someone near by to care for his dogs it's probably better for my sanity and my dogs sanity to just stay where we will be at"
Over the phone he was really cool about it but then at the bar last night he was going on about how he was just trying to do me a favor by giving me a place alone with my husband for over a week. Blah blah blah. But because I dont feel like respecting his rules and want my dog to just have "free reign" over his house. I'm not going to take that offer.
So AITA for declining? Because I feel like me staying there is more me doing him a favor by watching over his house and dogs FOR FREE at a place 50 minutes out from where I live? But he seems to think other wise? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4Ll7UJsKkKbsGaEdv2x88o5Ru3cA9pw7 | al8a2x | null | AITA that caused my boyfriend to get a DUI? | My (now ex-) boyfriend got a DUI and blames it 100% on me.
We were both out at separate bars with our own friends. I called him when I got home, as he asked me to do. He was driving back to his house when i called--probably a 10 mile drive--and a small argument ensued. It probably shouldnt have even been an argument, but he takes adderall and turns into a completely different person with a really short fuse. Anyways, he's screaming and cursing and freaking out at me, and gets pulled over. He gets a DUI, and had a quarter ounce of pot on him, so he got drug and paraphernalia charges as well. He had a CDL, and is going to lose that, needs to hire an attorney... Just thousands of dollars in fines and fees.
He blames it all on me. He told me it was 100% my fault because i started something with him. Am i the asshole that caused him to get a DUI, lose his CDL, and so on and so forth?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
HCGH9YIiPAttDcwpgWbHZspRwfGfd2Jd | acw4c8 | {
"description": "not tipping when they didn't deliver half my order",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not tipping when they didn't deliver half my order? | I've been sick the past few days and decided to order groceries delivered. I've used the app a few times before with no issues, and always tip 20%. I ordered about $50 worth of stuff included 3 12-packs of ginger ale. It goes as normal, and they came to my door with the bagged stuff and said they had 2 sodas downstairs and 1 more in the car. I figured ok, and bring in the other stuff while waiting for a knock.
​
However they never came back. The app lets them text/call me but they didn't. There's no locks or anything that could lock them out. After a while I go downstairs and the 3 packs are tucked back under the open staircase. I guess they didn't want to bring them up the flight of stairs? There's no long hallway or anything, it would have been just upstairs plus 10 feet to my door. I know bringing them upstairs is a pain but that's why I pay for delivery and tip. I want to go back and delete my tip but my roommate thinks it would be a jerk thing to do. However I had to go out, find them, and haul them up myself, while sick, and they just ghosted me. Am I the jerk here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nE6v43jHuCiLKuqI6zKAMULaR4jO4Jk5 | aa3upp | {
"description": "trying to reach out to my younger brother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to reach out to my younger brother (18 and 15) | My brother and I have always been really at odds. For years we would butt heads over everything. He would insult me or tell me to kill myself (and once held a knife at me from across the room), and I would get outraged and scream at him. Our mother eventually got fed up with it and made a rule that we were not allowed to speak to each other. This really hurt me as all I've ever wanted is to have a relationship with him, but he just screams and insults me whenever I speak to him now. A few minutes ago I went downstairs and tried to strike up a conversation about his new Apple Watch, which he responded to by screaming at me to stop talking to him. I told him all I wanted was for him to be nice for once, but he started telling me nobody likes me and the best night of his year was the night I spent at our grandmother's house because he didn't have to see me. Eventually I called him a rotten egg and went up to ask my mother for advice. She said that the whole confrontation was my fault for breaking her no talking rule. I argued back and forth with her about how insane an idea that was, and eventually told her it was lazy parenting to just cover the issue up and hope it all works out when we grow up. She immediately shut down and walked out of the room, which I responded to by (admittedly unkindly) telling her to go to hell. Confrontations like this are really common in my house, and I feel really lost as to how to confront it. I really want to have a relationship with my brother, but it really hurts when all he does is try to get under my skin and hurt me, then hide behind some nonsense rule our mother came up with. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Nogtr3pbzwDgOFRRpSDZ051EiD9i8NVB | azyofi | {
"description": "making mentally challenged cervical cancer patient cry",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for making mentally challenged cervical cancer patient cry? | im neighbours with a middle aged woman that has been diagnosed with cervic cancer like last year.Mentally shes on the level of a preschool child.Naive and kind hearted like one too.Like theres no gray area for her.If shes happy shes jumping all over the place,singing that walls shake,if shes sad shes gonna cry her eyes out sobbing violently.Shes also attending the care center for elderly and those mentally challenged,there she spends the day till evening and also gets medical attention.She was abandoned by her family due to her mental capabilities,so technically she has no relatives .Ofcourse shes getting treatment for her cancer thing and encouragement from workers(in that place.She has gone thru chemo which her body is responding well to,aswell.Whenever we met i comfortedher with encouraging words too.
However shes having her uterus removed soon,so shes in constant panic with her exaggerated emotions as the surgery is coming soon.I encountered her like multiple times after she knew shes getting her feminine organs done.Those times i again cheered her up and told that everything will be ok lalala,she should keep her head up and all that Every time we crossed path it was same story and i started getting a bit frustrated,spitting same bland robotic words of comfort.Imet her again recently she was losing her mind over the surgery,talking same shit over and over again,needing reassurance that shes gonna be ok and all that every ten minutes of the convo.
And then i snapped. ''ARE YOU LIKE THE ONLY PERSON THAT HAS CANCER IN THIS WORLD? ITS LIKE NO ONE ELSES PROBLEMS MATTERS ONLY YOURS. IF YOU DIE YOU DIE MEANS IT WAS FATED '' and i leave her stunned for a good bit then start moving forward hearing her tearing up behind my back.
AITA for doing that? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
ceFpLS4YYXtLFeB1IatSHptamIGhillb | apj9n0 | {
"description": "going to a new friend's Oscars party instead of a good friend who usually hosts",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going to a new friend's Oscars party instead of a good friend who usually hosts? | I have a friend, we'll call him Evan. He often hosts an Oscars party that's a pretty casual affair. Our friend group is big on events, and we tend to each have the "thing" we host - Evan has like, 3-4 things he hosts though. The other "holidays" he takes the lead on are each bigger than the Oscars. He has yet to officially send out a text or email asking people for this year.
​
Me and my friend Rachel are both very close with Evan, and have also made a good new friend from work who we can call Laura. Laura doesn't have a very large friend group where we live, and is really excited about an Oscar party she's hosting. In the past, Evan has gotten pretty huffy about stuff like this. I mentioned Laura's party to him at a friend's play the other night and he, as expected, seemed miffed that we were considering doing something else this year.
​
I love Evan, he's great, he throws a great party. If this was his one thing I year I'd feel worse about missing it. I guess the question is - AITA for missing a somewhat annual event of a friend to do something else this year, or not? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
13kx3R9MdadOPxro79YU5KG7MYE5qudg | a6p23h | {
"description": "squishing spiders when I see them",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for squishing spiders when I see them? | I dont kill other critters but spiders make me really uncomfortable as I feel like they are more aware of me then other critters and are stealthy and agile | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
8F5C3KKoY5ENCLqwIxFtj8oxikEuBaZq | b0tfoh | {
"description": "telling first-time sushi eater that the wasabi is guacamole",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for telling first-time sushi eater that the wasabi is guacamole? | So my friend comes over with a box of sushi saying she's never tried sushi before. Being the genius I am, I ask her if she likes guacamole? She asks if that's what the "green stuff" is. I tell her yes, but it tends to be very mild in flavor, so put a lot on the sushi. Well... she did... I thought her reaction was great! She was kind of pissed at first, but we look back and laugh now. So I'm wondering if I am the asshole in this situation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
GKVNj3B4g14AYWzJpfLY9W60YrMYc2t1 | akoyua | null | AITA after they took me in? | So this is my 1st post so excuse me for any mistakes. There's a spoiler if anyone wants to skip the lengthy background.
A little background, no need for sympathy: I am an 18F dealing with a situation between my Step-mother (Satan), and her only child 15F (Spawn). I've lived with them for just over 3 years now, in a middle-class neighborhood in a good area.
I used to live in a small cabin at my Grandparents house after getting kicked out of our previous one. I haven't lived with my mother for more than half my life because of her drug-related issues which as a result left me and my sister under my amazing fathers care with no child support. Shortly after dating for a while Satan brought us in and safe to say we were starstruck by their seemingly amazing lives. Satan and her Spawn, unfortunately, were scarred by Spawn's late husband's abuse and gay affair and had deep-rooted issues that led me to forgive or explain their behavior. I had to hear their toxic outbursts to each other no matter how much I tried to give them privacy by hiding in my room. This woman would despise me one day and be totally supportive the next day, my craving for a mother figure and inability to hold a grudge left me torn between loving her and hating her.
Me dragging my feet to get my driver's license was a huge conflict between me and Satan. For about a year, I endured passive aggressive remarks and scathing text messages. I'm a rather insecure person and I looked up to her so I would usually apologize and try to rectify the situation which was never enough. But alas! Despite my driving anxiety I finally got my license two months ago and I couldn't be happier!! Surely she would be happy for my independence and that I was out of the house more (despite hiding from her wrath whenever her and Spawn were home).
​
Now to the argument: The school bus leaves about 10 minutes before what it would take my car to get to the school (and I cut it pretty close). I was getting ready one day when I saw Spawn leaving out the door to take the bus. Spawn was giving me a rather odd look. I thought about giving her a ride and I felt a bit guilty about not giving her one despite promising before getting my license that I would drive her to school. But I was running pretty late and I figured; "she can't even bother saying hello back to me most mornings and mostly ignores me, why should I give a fuck about her ride"? Due to me habitually being late, her staying home more days then going to school due to some concocted reason for that week and the general separate lives we live I didn't offer her a ride. Lo and behold it would lead to some massive freak out mere hours later.
I received some rather awful texts that I will transcribe down below since I can't seem to figure out how to upload pictures. This leads me to sleep over my Memere's house where she told me stories of some pretty shitty behavior that I was in the fog about and strengthened by reasoning to not feel guilty about defending myself.
This is rather long and I hope it is as neutral as I attempted to make it. I'll absolutely answer any questions that I find down below for clarification. Sorry for any rambling due to me being sick with a bout of the Flu.
​
AITA for the things I said/arguing back after everything they've done for me by taking me in?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Idr5lWoNWuYOt7Nf65lfkhWzNXNqumDB | aj27rj | {
"description": "pretending that a friend's bike was stolen",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for pretending that a friend's bike was stolen? | Before I start, here's a quick apology for my somewhat poor English. ( It isn't my native language.)
First some backstory: Whenever our school schedules match up, I ride back home with one or two friends. Let's call them girl A and boy B. I am good friends with both of them, but they despise eachother. Most of the time I flip a coin and decide who of the two I go home with. Today it was girl A, she asked me to meet up with her at the lockers after the sixth hours and from there on go home. She didn't show up and thus I biked home with boy B.
Turns out the girl quickly grabbed her and her boyfriend's coat so they could quickly get away without anyone else noticing. But I asked some other friends and they told me she was already gone.
But girl A just so happens to live somewhere on my way home. Me and boy B were having a laugh and thought of a 'prank' we could pull on her. The prank was moving her, locked, bike and then slowly send her more and more pictures of the bike eventually revealing it's location. Turns out her bike was in the garage but her boyfriends was still on the driveway. So we took his bike instead.
We sent a picture of the bike every 30 minutes or so, but it turned out none of the two looked at their phone the 3+ hours they were together. ( or they just didn't open our messaged idk) Next day we told them about what we thought was a funny thing to do. But they got really pissed at us. I told them it was just a joke and there were no bad feelings or anything. But alas they were still annoyed. I asked her how long they looked for the bike and she replied with: 'idk, my mom looked for it.'
It's now another day later and they're still pissed at us. I really don't think it's that bad of a prank to pull and they don't really have any reason to be upset since they didn't even search for it themselves. This might al be my misguided opinion, hence I'm writing this post.
So reddit please help me out, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
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