id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
rFd2rT6suE6CQnvVNdFLClHNaGbyEtyb | aq8xzx | {
"description": "not wanting to visit my SO's parents",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to visit my SO's parents | This weekend we're supposed to make the drive to spend the weekend with my SO's parents. I'm a student so I have tons to do always but I've also just been in a bad depression for the last week or so. It's not that I don't want to see them, I just don't think I have the emotional energy to do it right now. I think a weekend home alone could help me get back on track and in a better headspace but my SO gets bummed out when I bring up the idea of them going alone. Am I being a selfish dick for not wanting to go? Do I have grounds to just say I'm staying home to be depressed? (Side note, I am also considering the fact that a trip and good company could help. I'm just not sure it's best in this instance) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
odIiOz03CVPy4Ba69CplUPpqkvvCgd7D | 9xd67u | {
"description": "not giving my friend a ride",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not giving my friend a ride? | (Throwaway account)
My good friend and I have been known each other for a while (about 4-5 years), but recently, there is a girl that I am interested in now. Because he doesn't like his bus, my friend usually asks for rides before I met her, and I usually drove him. One time, I told my friend I was talking to this girl a lot, but I don't think he knows how close we are now. The girl has been asking for rides; I always drive her if she asks, so I always give my friend a "maybe" answer even if he asks before she does. She lives in a different area which is an extra 5 minute drive to her house, but my friend lives only a block away from my house. I don't want to give both them a ride because it would be pretty awkward to have to talk to them both.
AITA for not giving my friend a ride? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
GFf1rfgVFlVjP5hMylOu803FJfIS6JzY | a9b2p8 | {
"description": "kinda stealing a parking spot",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for kinda stealing a parking spot | This is my first time posting to this sub. I guess I’m more just wanting to share the story than I am asking for judgement.
(17m) I was parking at Walmart and was behind this guy who was just sitting their in front of a parking spot and he wasn’t taking it so I drive on the side of him and took it and then he sat there until I got out of the car and when I did he gave me kind of a weird look so I gave him the same look back and then he fucking charged me with his car, he actually fucking tried to hit me but I got out of the way and then he got out of his car ran at me and pushed me into a shopping cart and I started calling him a bitch and stuff and was telling him to get back in his car and his wife was yelling at home the whole time. I wanted to hit him so bad but he was this tall white trash fat dude that would have fucked me up so I didn’t and then he eventually got back in his car and when I started walking into the store this old lady came up to me and was asking if I was okay and said she would call the police if I wanted her to but I told her it was okay. So is it really all my fault for kinda stealing a parking spot? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
CjFHt7AhzH9mgau5l5epW5QrGsRSZnwb | b05fgx | {
"description": "hating my sister",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for hating my sister | I come from a family that is very much autistic (literally, I'm not trying to offend anyone) I have a sister that has a very severe case of autism cause by the lack of half her brain.
I have lived my whole life with her (I'm 18 she is 22) and I resently moved out with my mum to get away from my dad (different story for a different time) because of my sisters autism she has to move between parents because of 50/50 custody. she isn't able to think for herself. because of her autism she acts very much like a 4 year old that thinks they are the top dog of the house.
back when I was 3y/o my sister bit my shoulder and dislocated it.
when I was about 5-6 she started to scream at me for entering the kitchen if she is in there and screaming if I do anything when I'm already in there which made it hard to have dinner with my family.
when I was about 12 she started to come into my room to grab something that wasn't hers like some chocolate or my ipad. keep in mind it's like a cat going to push something off the table, you tell it not to and then they go to do it again.
when I reached 14 I got my own pc and she would come into my room and turn it off for no reason.
she's a very "brain dead" person, she does things very slowly, she can't talk properly, she can only use her right hand and leg and only down to her knee in the left leg.
she has done multiple things during my life that have directly impacted me and I hate her for it, but none of it was her fault directly. I don't know if IATA for hating her or wether I should just get over it and love her for being my sister.
if there is any more info that is needed just say. thanks | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
tIFe61BfWg2LDcW9XMrLMx6NMfUhgWqN | ahwp3l | {
"description": "not accepting an apology",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not accepting an apology | TL:DR at bottom
So this happened a few days ago, i go to a school were there are public computers not locked behind accounts(just one account with no passwords required) and one day i had to make a slide show with another person and i thought it was easier to do it on google docs, since we could both be writing at the same time. Later that day we finished the slideshow and called it a day, but i forgot to log off my gmail.
Fast forward to the next day i decide to check my facebook account on my phone only to realise i have been logged out and my password didn't work, i quickly change my password and deleted some random posts that A(i am gonna call him A) made, only after 2 mins to find out that the passwords gets changed again. I figured then out someone might have access to my Gmail, and managed to log him off through my phone, at this point i had no idea who did this.
Just a moment after all this i get a message on snapchat from A that the post i made was funny, then i realised it was him because we were not friends on facebook, i asked him how he knew what my post sounded like since we were not friends, and he tried to tell me some one else( i have no idea who he was talking about, certainly not one of my facebook friends) told him. That was the moment i realised it was him.
So i go to the only teacher we both had to complain about A and he said to me he would talk to him first thing next morning(it was the last class of the day).
The next morning my teacher talked to A and told him to not do things like this again, then A came up to me and apologised, but i did not want to accept this because this stressed me so much out and i cant handle stress very well.
TL:DR i forgot to log out of my Gmail and he changed my facebook password twice, posted something on my facebook and had full access to my Gmail.
So AITA for not accepting his Apology? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ya9QEM93ewSHRy9XLM7xsWkWOv0NFE6b | 9x8bov | {
"description": "telling my mom about my sister's drinking",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my mom about my sister's drinking? | tl;dr at the bottom
Hey, so I've been mulling this decision over in my head for some time, and finally decided on it due to my concern for my sister's safety. A bit of background:
My younger sister is two years younger than me and a junior in college. We've always been close, but as she's gotten older I've adopted more of the "protective big brother" role, according to her. Admittedly, I do care about her safety and am initially skeptical of boyfriends she has, but I'm not overbearing or nosy. Anyways, since she's been in college she's attended parties and begun drinking regularly, similar to many college students including myself when I was in college. No problem there. Throughout her 3 years she's called me a few times during the night, often crying, about how she's so drunk and such an embarrassment to her friends, yada yada. I usually just talk to her, crack some jokes to make her laugh, and then ask whichever friend is with her to make sure she drinks water and gets to bed with a trashcan near her or what not. I text or call her the next day and make sure everything is fine, which it usually is. That's not the norm by the way, it happens maybe once every semester, so like 5 times since she's been in college.
Well, this last semester, it's happened 3 times already. She's been starting some harder classes and additional work related to her major (nursing) so she's been extremely stressed. I wouldn't be concerned except for the last time she got drunk, she called me after throwing up on and off for an hour, and in the middle of our conversation she said "I wanted to drink so that I wouldn't be so stressed out." She had never cited her stress as the reason for her drinking before. Between the reasoning and the fact that it was the 3rd time she'd called me drunk in one semester, when again she'd normally only call me maybe once a semester, I became concerned. I tried talking to her that night and the next morning about how I wanted to make sure she wasn't drinking because of stress, as that's not a healthy choice or coping method. I advised maybe seeking tutors to help with the school work, or reducing her job hours as she doesn't have to work to pay through school (our family is fairly well off, she works for experience/to pay her share). She typically doesn't want to talk about her calling me the next day, and takes my advice with a grain of salt, often changing subjects when I bring it up. Normally I keep these conversations private, but after this last time I told 2 other people, my mom and my older sister.
My older sister is the oldest of our family (6 kids) and me and my sister are the youngest, so she's a sort of guardian/role model to us, and we often seek her advice. She shared my concern and advised me to talk to my mom, which I did. I told my mom about my sister's drinking and the reason she gave for drinking. I didn't phrase it like I was tattling on my mom, and repeatedly expressed how I didn't mind that my sister drank, just that I didn't want her drinking to cope with stress as I thought that could be unhealthy. My mom is old school, hardly drinks, raised us strictly religious, and frowns upon any sort of partying or reckless behavior. Naturally, she didn't enjoy hearing about my sister, but she also isn't ignorant and wasn't shocked by the news. She didn't really comment the entire time I told her, or after, but just nodded and thanked me for telling her. I don't know what she plans to do, or when she'll talk to my sister, but I know my sister will be mad at me because she asks me not to tell our mom all the time. Again, I normally wouldn't, but the reasoning she gave this last time concerned me. Am I the asshole for telling our mom? Our mom is a nurse as well, and took the same courses and what not (though I'm sure the curriculum has changed) but she may be able to relate to my sister's struggles and help her. I'm not trying to justify my actions, just explain them. It's done, and I can't take it back, but I am left wondering if I did the right thing.
Thank you all.
​
tl;dr Betrayed my sister's trust and told our mom about her(sister's) drinking after my sister said she was drinking to cope with stress. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EuvN4zoGbKt48tnIm8SuBKmtbAIAccsU | b86xqy | {
"description": "my s/o leaving a bad review of a restaurant my father likes to go to",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for my s/o leaving a bad review of a restaurant my father likes to go to? | My father likes to get off of work, and hang out at the bar for a few hours before he comes home. This has lead to some rocky behavior, and he’s come home drunk before, but this time, it’s a long drawn on mess.
I (20 F) attended the restaurant for the first time with my boyfriend (23 M) and we ordered some chicken wings (remember this for later). The entire experience wasn’t the best. Service was poor, bathrooms were filthy, and one of our wings was completely undercooked.
Almost every chicken wing I’ve ever eaten has some cooked blood near the bone that appears as a dark brown or purple. No big deal there. However, as my boyfriend bit into one of the wings, the consistency was wrong, and it let out a decent amount of bright red blood. He said it tasted like iron as soon as he bit into it.
When brought the the attention of my dad’s favorite bartender, who was serving us, he told us “they’re supposed to be like that!” We asked for one order or wings to be removed from the bill. They removed it for us.
Immediately after, my boyfriend posts a negative review of the restaurant (one star), mentions the poor service and gross restrooms, and shares a photo of the wing.
Two days later, I get a phone call from my dad while he’s at the restaurant. He’s Incredibly upset at me because of a review I didn’t post. He went in a rant about how the guys at the bar are “his family” and that now he’s embarrassed to go back, as the bartender showed him the review.
I tell my dad that the bartender should not have given him a hard time about the review, because he (my dad) was not the one who wrote it. I was told that I needed to get my boyfriend to delete the review.
I protested this. For one, I wasn’t the one who wrote it, so I didn’t feel I should be getting flack for it. I told my dad the following:
“It isn’t my fault he wrote that. You have [S/O’s name’s] phone number, so you should talk to him directly about it instead of yelling at me. “
I went on to tell him that my s/o is entitled to his opinion, and went on to say “bad business practices deserve bad reviews so they can change and get better.”
My dad still insists that I somehow make the review go away. I can’t do that on my own, as I’m not about to take my s/o’s phone and do it, but I’m certainly not going to tell my boyfriend what he can and can’t do. I continue to insist that the review isn’t my problem, but this has only lead to my boyfriend not being welcomed into my parents house any longer, and some strong words about my “piece of sh*** boyfriend thing” from my dad.
Am I really in the wrong? I don’t think I did anything unfavorable expect for stick up for my boyfriend
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
03dsQx5QLDnp8D5WwSWdo9ehQZmK7uux | ac0eda | {
"description": "telling my class that my friend was bi",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for telling my class that my friend was bi? | I was friends with a guy for about 7 years and I suppose over time, I assumed he was straight, especially considering he had a girlfriend at the time of the incident which I will divulge into later. He was quite camp I suppose but most people just thought he was straight. I never talked to him about it but he never seem insecure or anything.
​
During an English class, a girl asked me if I thought my friend was gay and I said "I've known \[the guy\] for 7 years and I'm pretty sure he's bi". The girl went on to tell the guy that I said that and he refused to speak to me for 2 years straight and left our friendship group despite having many mutual friends. I later found out that most of the class heard me so perhaps that exacerbated the issue. I tried to apologies many times throughout the remainder of our time at school together but he never accepted it.
​
There were a few other things that may have made matters worse such as the fact that his girlfriend asked me to prom a week before starting dating him and being young, I said something non-committal like "yeah sure" but she just ended up going to prom with him obviously.
​
I've always felt bad about it but reflecting upon it, I think he may have overreacted. No homophobia was intended obviously but I think his reaction would have been different if I told everyone he was straight. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
TsuozVMKE8HsPxPvXrFujfcm9cTVpSw9 | 9tare8 | {
"description": "saying recruitment policy at my company is sexist against men",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For saying recruitment policy at my company is sexist against men | So long story short ive been with my company close to 5 years. This job has a through application process and a lenghty training program before you actually start.
Entry involves a physical, mental and psych test and you are scored on each.
Now in days gone by it was that when a recruitment opened the 20-30 with the best scores got in
This is a heavily male dominated industry too.
Recently it was revealed that the recruitment had changed and now they split applicants into 2 pools. 1 male 1 female. They then took the top 15 of each for each training unit. When questioned why we were told they wanted more woman in the industry so theyve done this
I called this sexist.
And i was called sexist for suggesting this was sexist.
To me you should take the best 20-30 gender does not matter. The only reason to do this would be because males were outscoring females so not enough were getting in.
Now its biased towards woman
To me this is sexist
Aita? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
6rrxPv6SUgDAq0hqgrB06AwrQKdQth5i | avhzbu | {
"description": "calling neighbors son crazy after he called me racist",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for calling neighbors son crazy after he called me racist | Quick backstory is that I have a black family that is on one side of my property that’s lived there for generations and I’m a white man that bought the property on the street corner. We both have about an acre of land and are well off. Dad and his son are an outspoken black activist and I’m white so we usually disagree yet we have civil conversation that are productive and get along real well with bad blood till last weekend.
We are planning on replacing a fence between our land so we drew up a contract splitting the cost and putting it right down the middle of the line. The current fence was put up off eyeballing the line. Over time it became crooked and beat up so I had a surveyor come out and confirm the property line and found out that I actually gained a foot of property from him.
I invite him over Saturday to break him the news. Fast forward he got on the topic that his family lived on the property for generations and should just use the current fence line that the guy who owned my place before made. I told him we would be using the one from the survey since it’s legally my property and if he wanted to get a second opinion then he can and we would wait to move the fence. He said he wouldn’t pay to have a white man take more property from him. Its pretty important and can cost a lot more to move a fence after it’s build I assumed he would want to confirm it. He kept saying no and left.
On sunday while I was working over by the fence, his son who’s 19, come over ask why I “thought it was ok that a white man can take a black mans land just cause of some paper” i explained that property lines aren’t theft and it changed the value which set him off and how I’m taking money from them like my ancestors took everything. I got heated by being called a racist and told him my family fled Italy during WW2 to poor Detroit and wasn’t involved in his history at all. Basically the whole reparation issue was stupid and he’s crazy for using all white people argument since my family came in 1940’s. He walked away after I said that if the roles were reversed they wouldn’t have a problem and race shouldn’t be involved. (basically he's acting crazy)
Next time I saw them the son glared at me and the dad was pissed I fought with his son but knew he provoked me. We made friendly until he asked what I decided on the fence. I kinda chuckled and said were using the legal one. He was dumbfounded and I asked if he was crazy that I wouldn’t want to add more property. He got pissed and walked off after saying that he won’t pay for the fence and he wants his money back then and now we aren’t talking. Should I move forward with the contract or AITA
Tdlr: I get my property surveyed before replacing a fence and gains a foot and upsets my neighbors who blame me for being racist and stealing land. I call them crazy and they want to back out of their half and think I’m racist now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
7PQhwwjPZv35RWZc7i3fe4VuWlsoQSEE | ailgdu | {
"description": "not wanting to work at my parent's company",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to work at my parent's company? | I'm an adolescent who's in grade 12 with a half-day all-day schedule. To help my education and just the family in general my parents decided to start a medical laboratory years ago; additionally its to help me& my sister get employed in the future as we'll continue it when get older. Currently they (mostly my mom) ask me to help in the place. Nothing too serious, just listing results down by the day and errand running. Whenever I have free time (Saturdays and school breaks) they ask me to work there.
Small tangent, but my working conditions there aren't the best though I pull through. Aircon can be a real bitch with the cold, all the tables are used almost all the time, & when they aren't I don't have enough time left to finish a substantial amount of work, and my allergies work up hard. ah well.
My mom got angry with me as I don't work there when possible, mainly because I have no incentive to do so. Back when I did i either got paid a decent amount, and the last time I worked I did so for a Nintendo Switch. When I ask for potential pay nowadays she passively snarks and such. Now she says I "only ask and never give" or something similar to that.
What about it? ATIA for not wanting to work due to lack of compensation, or am I being too demanding & finicky? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ns0vOtHvhiQVwmbHAJy0pcm5SYnuxBHK | aqonhk | {
"description": "saying my uncle isn't rich",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 95
} | AITA for saying my uncle isn't rich | My uncle has a huge ego. He is 60 and brags about living in a $2 million house and having a $5 million portfolio. He constantly makes my dad (his teacher brother) uncomfortable and says my dad should have studied engineering and been better with money. I make more than my dad. I'm on a career path (Private Equity) where Managing Director's in their 30s make his entire net worth annually and they don't show boat or brag about it because there are Partners that make more than them, and C suite executives making more than Partners and Hedge Fund managers making more than C suites. There is a hierarchy where no matter where you are there is always someone making more than you. My uncle doesn't live in that world he genuinely thinks have $5 million at 60 is noteworthy so I told him flat out if I only have $5 million at 60 i'll kill myself and told him 30 year olds make his whole life in a year. He kicked me out of his house and my mom told me to apologize. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 40,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 55,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 95
} | WRONG |
cx8HJZB9Pqfg2cPCZL0fdCqLppm9EehN | amsw4s | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with my friend anymore after she was being a terrible person",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not Wanting To Be Friends With My Friend Anymore After She Was Being A Terrible Person? | So my school went on a ski trip this week. My friend (we’ll call her L) and a girl i was on good terms with but not very close to (we’ll call her Kay) were roommates during the trip. So the trip is going fine, none of us three decided to ski because it was so cold (around the -30s) and we were afraid of getting frostbite so we just stayed in the resort. The resort was huge and had many things to do so we were never bored. The first day went fine. We aimlessly played around at the pool and went for lunch together. That night we just talked about boys we liked, told stories, etc... just normal girl sleepover topics. Kay announced that she liked a boy in our class (let’s call him Jack) and her and I talked about him while L was on her phone, snapchatting a bunch of boys that she would lead on. She would occasionally take a turn talking about Jack so we thought nothing of it. We went to sleep that night and woke up in the morning to get breakfast that the school provided us. After that, we went to the pool. Me, Kay, and L swam around with a few sophomore boys and then got in the hot tub (it was 24$ for an hour. L made me pay for her and give her the change.) about 30 minutes into our hot tub time, L got out and said she needed to take her medicine. We thought nothing of it because she was always getting sick. I asked her if she wanted me to tag along to keep her company or something. She aggressively declined, saying she didn’t want people around while she took her medicine. I still wasn’t suspicious because she probably took a lot and didn’t want to show others how sick she was. Me and Kay sat in the hot tub for another 20 minutes before we texted L “hey where are you... do you need help? You’ve been gone for a long time”. she just said that she would be back in a little bit. We thought it was weird but we also wanted to get our money’s worth of the hot tub so we stayed in. Around five minutes later, L came back super proud. We asked her what happened. She proudly said that she was gone for a long time because she was fucking Jack.... what the hell? She’s 14 let me tell you. I looked over at Kay who looked like she was holding back tears. L asked her what was wrong and she just said “Nothing... I didn’t like him that much anyway” and walked away. As soon as she left the room, I started yelling at L. “WHAT THE HELL? SHE SAID SHE LIKED HIM! WHY DID YOU DO THAT??” I shouted. L replied “What are you talking about? It’s fine , she said she didn’t like him” god i wanted to slap her. She obviously did. I pulled her to where Kay was sitting in the resort’s ice cream place and made her apologize. She let out a half assed apology and Kay, still heartbroken, forgave her because she didn’t want beef with L. So everything felt normal until that night. I had asked for a cute boy’s shapchat in the lobby and he gave it to me (yay). As soon as I got back to the room, Kay told me to get ready for the sledding session I had forgotten about promising her to go on. We hurried and went to the bus that was going to a small slope. On the ride, Kay told me how upset she was about L and Jack. I agreed, saying she was right about being mad and that was that. We sledded for about an hour before going back. I had left my phone in the room to charge and L must have noticed because she was busy snapchatting the guy that I asked to give me his snap. I yelled at her because I was obviously mad at her for doing that behind my back (oh this is important because I let my friends put their finger prints in my phone so they can play games on it or something. I have nothing to hide after all). She started crying saying that he said hi first and it escalated from there. I didn’t talk to her for the rest of the night. The next morning she tearfully told me that she was sorry and had blocked him. I thanked her for her apology and forgave her. On the bus ride home, I sat with her because the other seats were taken. I looked over at her phone and saw that she just sent a snapchat to the guy I yelled at her about. She told me it wasn’t a big deal and to talk to her when I got over it. Needless to say, it was a silent 5 hour bus ride home. After returning home, I promptly snapchatted her and told her that friends don’t lie and that I wouldn’t be talking to her again because if she wanted to be a whore, do it around someone else. She then texted offensive and hateful words to me for slut shaming her. I left the app for the day. She posted pictures on her story like “I hate when society only notices you flaws and never your tears” I scoffed to myself and deleted her fingerprint from my phone.
So, Reddit, am I the Asshole for “slut-shaming” a girl for being a terrible friend?
TLDR: A 14 y/o girl fucks a guy that her friend likes and then steals a cute boys snapchat from my phone (like she didn’t have enough on there) then gets mad at me for “slut-shaming” her.
Update: JACK TEXTED ME AND SAID THAT L HAD LIED AND THEY HADNT DONE ANYTHING. THAT MEANS L LIED TO HURT KAY INTENTIONALLY!!!! | HISTORICAL | {
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Yr0A8ZI8hWT4vEbjgHzcWv2BLFrvUvlW | ansna3 | {
"description": "wanting to see a friend that two of my other friend's no longer want to be with",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I want to see a friend that two of my other friend's no longer want to be with? | Three people are going to be involved in this story. Let's call my current two friends **X** and **Y**, while the friend I'm going to talk about is gonna be called **Z**.
Let me start from the beginning.
​
I met all three of these guys back in 2015, in a course that involved TV and Movies. It was one of the best years of my life and I was so glad that I met these three guys.
X was someone who didn't just enjoy movies but also loves to play video games, so he's someone I'm defiantly considering a good fellow.
Y is defiantly the one who has the strongest connection to movies. He has very strong opinions about certain things involving the subject and can be quite defensive at certain points. But he is cool, he showed me some good TV shows.
Z was so nice, intelligent and had a nice sense of humour. He was an actor so he plays in amateur theater plays and he is genuinely good.
Our time at that course was great, especially for me considering how I've always had a bad social life, but these guys defiantly made improve on things that I am grateful for. We went out and watched lots of movies and premieres, hanging out at so many places that it really made my life better.
However, there were many moments, that involved both Y and Z.
One thing about Z, is that he wasn't really mentally healthy (as far as I know), as he takes pills, has dyslexia and there was one time during the year where he was at the hospital for so many weeks, that after me and Y had stopped, Z could still continue for a few months (X was also there for another half year but that doesn't matter).
As I mentioned, Y has strong opinions when it comes to movies, so if you say something that he defiantly disagrees with, he will take it a bit seriously. It's not that Y doesn't respect other people's opinions, but depending on what it is, he always wants to know "*Why*" they have that opinion. This has led to many moments where even after it would be explained to Y, he would answer it with, "*That doesn't make sense to me...*".
Moments like this is supposedly expected when it involves a subject, like movies, that is bounded to both subjective objective discussions. The thing is, however, is that I've never really been good at these kind of things, so whenever Y suddenly asks, "*So what did you think of...", "How do you feel about...",* that's where I would suddenly get nervous and always try to think of a correct answer, that wouldn't lead to another moment where Y would just sit silently with an expressionless face after hearing something he most likely didn't expect.
He can be quite the "mood shifter". First, everyone is having a good time, but all of a sudden, it feels so heavy and it nearly always involved Y.
​
Example: One time (during 2015), when we were home at X's place, we were planning to watch 3 movies. I brought mine, X had his and Y had his. We first watched X's, then mine. It was evening (can't remember if it was late) and as we were ready to watch the final movie, Z tells us that he feels too tired to watch any more movies for the day. I was fine with that and I'm pretty sure X was too. But Y felt so irritated about it (It was his favourite movie), as it literally made all three of us sit there in silence, not knowing what to do. This was the first time I had experienced Y's behaviour and it was baffling. We quickly came to a solution that we would watch Y's movie the next day. We would again have a good time, but the scene was still in my head.
​
One thing I need to note about Y, is that he is an extrovert. He has told me that he needs and wants to be with his friends all the time. But one thing that was unfortunate for him during the year at that class, is that he lived furthest away, in which he had to wake early up in the morning every day.
​
But all four of us had made this far with our group friendship, that towards the upcoming summer where we would end our year at the course, we would travel someplace. It would be the first time for me to travel without a parent but I was excited about it.
It wasn't the last time we were going to travel either.
When we would travel for the second time, another scenario would happen that involved Y and Z again.
I would lay on a couch at the lobby where we stayed and Y comes over and sits down next to me, asking:
"*So, what now?"*
I was confused.
*"I don't know...? What's up?"*
*"We need to buy tickets for the trip tomorrow"*
*"Yeah, well, do you know how to?"*
*"Yeah, but...Uhm...me and Z had a slight...argument"*
Turns out Y had shown a clip from a certain YouTuber that Z didn't like. I think what made Y irritated at Z was how he expressed it, but I wasn't there so I can't tell for sure.
But I think one of the things that make Y irritated at certain statements, is *how* people say it. If he feels that their attitude was rather "harsh", that's where he wants to distance himself from others.
Anyway, Z was pretty much the one who came up to Y and wanted to make it cool again between them. I'm not sure if it was an apologize, but they were on good terms again.
​
Now we're at the point where we all do something different in our lives. We were hanging out and all like before, but Y felt like Z was beginning to distance himself from the group, speculating how he was hanging more out with new friends with them. I tried to tell him that he shouldn't think about it too much though.
Y and I were involved with a lot of activities that Z had to do with. We went and saw three of Z's plays and one time welcomed him back home from a class trip.
Now, this is what I want to talk about...
While me, X, Y and Z had stopped at the film course, we still didn't want to quit the movie making stuff, so for a while, we had planned a short-film with me and Z as one of the lead roles.
A weekend, in late 2017, we were home at Y's place it was dark and we were discussing the script and such. We read through the script and whenever Z had to read out loud, his voice felt really tired and he looked tired too. His alarm goes off and he says that he needs to take his pills. However, he didn't have them with him. At first, he said that it was probably going to be ok. But only a few moments later, he says, "*Guys, I'm tired, I have to go home...".*
Y reacted to this and begged him to stay, stating that it was weekend, as if he implied that one can stay up late if it's Friday/Saturday. He really wanted him to stay (Again, Y is an extrovert). Z stayed for only a half minute, before he stood up, took grabbed his stuff and said, *"Sorry, guys. I have to go. I'll see you soon."* He gave all three of us a hug, before he walked out the door. Though, not knowing at that time, that was the last time X and Y saw Z.
After he left, Y was once again irritated.
Y: *"Yeah, yeah. What the hell does he know about finding his way home?!"*
It was once again one of those moments, that was really baffling me. But the three of us just continued to discuss the script.
​
A couple of days later, I discovered something shocking. Ever since we met, we had this group chat on messenger. I saw that Z had left the group chat, the same evening which he left Y's place.
Soon Y and X discovered it and we all hoped that it was nothing too serious.
At the time, I asked Z if he wanted to come and hang out with us, but he said that he couldn't.
Being way too desperate to figure out what was going on, we had another friend spy on him, to see what he had to say.
Z simply stated that he couldn't stand how Y has to be angry about certain things people say, that doesn't involve him. This is what I talked about when I said Y had strong opinions.
Meanwhile, Y stated to me and X that he felt sorry for what he did and that he wanted to talk to Z and be friends again. But we couldn't get both of them to talk it out. This was where X was beginning to feel irritated about it too. All he wanted was just them to talk it out, but nothing happened.
Eventually, one of Z's next plays were coming up and he had basically invited me, so I figured this would be a nice opportunity to quickly talk about this. So I went, saw his play and after it was over, I managed to get a hold of him. He was glad to see me and I was glad to see him (Note, that this took place months after the event at Y's place). I asked him if he was happy enough with how things were now, or if he wanted to come back to us. He was fine as things were now. X and Y knew that I was there, in which they had asked me to ask a few specific things but I'm not sure if I forgot the questions or if I didn't want to bother asking them anyway.
All in all, Z's connection with me had pretty much been strongest between the four of us, so he asked if he wanted to meet again sometime and I was cool with that. But X and Y were completely done with him. I could understand how they felt, as if only Z could've talked with Y, we could've found a solution to make everything the same as things were before. But both of them called Z weak because he didn't want to solve the situation like an adult and I honestly didn't know what to say about that.
X quickly showed me a picture of a chat conversation between him and Z, just after I got home from Z's play and told them what happened. This is what I remember from the picture.
X: *"You do know that you're the cause of this broken friendship, right?"*
Z: *"I know".*
​
​
We're in the present now. X and Y are one of my best friends that I'm still hanging out with, playing video games with them and such almost every day, but I haven't been in contact with Z for almost a year now. But I know we're going to see each other soon eventually, (which X and Y don't know) so I want to ask...
**Am I an asshole for wanting | HISTORICAL | {
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79A0W8DrvD3HRFUJe2lg6kYw8hjfj6ix | ahiryf | {
"description": "using a blender early in the morning",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for using a blender early in the morning? | I start work at 7am on weekends, so I have breakfast just a bit before 6am. I’ve been having meal replacement shakes, and I normally just use a shaker cup to mix them.
However, this can get a bit boring so I sometimes switch it up, and morning I wanted to jazz it up by blending some blueberries into the shake. Am I an asshole for doing this when my parents and sisters were asleep? | HISTORICAL | {
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RgJvErHCfFzTXfvUlBRnyAPloJ0X2IS5 | ahkz5m | {
"description": "not trusting my boyfriend over this little lie",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA not trusting my boyfriend over this little lie | My boyfriend was on his phone and I looked over and saw he had 2 Facebook accounts. I asked him what the other one was for and he sai “it’s for my dad” then I said “eh why are you logged into it though”
Then I said okay “swear on the baby’s life it isn’t for anything dodgy” he swore on my baby’s life.
Then he started to go bright red and I said “why are you going red?” And he said “I’m not” and he showed me a post he made on his dads account and said “look that was the last time I used this Facebook account because my dad asked me to put a post for him”
I said “eh that post was in March and you’ve got a new phone since then, so why have you been logged in your dads account on your new phone if you haven’t made any posts since getting it”
He went red and I said “you’re lieing” and he said okay I use it to search for a girl a used to sleep with.
We have been working on trust and now he’s just sworn on my baby’s life and lied to me.
I’m not bothered about him searching stuff, it’s just that he’s fucking lieing to me. Why would he need to lie on the baby’s life over something so small! | HISTORICAL | {
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Sb53RHr1toFSwW1THBZEeCelji09j57c | a2dzj7 | {
"description": "not answering a call to give my \"close\" friend a reference",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I don't answer a call to give my "close" friend a reference? | Someone that I used to be really close to put me down as a reference (without letting me know) for a new job and I'm feeling hesitant about providing a reference. She started cancelling plans to get together and has been trying to avoid making them for about a year ago. I haven't seen her since May (it was like pulling teeth to get together), despite her always being around and making plans with others. Most recently we had plans the week of Thanksgiving, but she cancelled last minute to host a "Friendsgiving" with other friends. Of course, the day the woman called me to ask for a reference, my "friend" suddenly asked if I was free to get together (her other listed reference informed her that the woman had called).
​
So obviously I have some personal, negative feelings creating my reservations, but in addition...
​
1) The times the HR woman is available to talk doesn't match up with my schedule. I'm in class or at the hospital (for clinic) all day M-F. I leave my house at 9 and get home around 8 most days. My very little free time during the days (meal breaks) I use for studying for finals. I'm not sure if I want to use this time to provide a reference for someone who I personally feel is just using me at this point. Additionally, I'd have to lie/or leave out information (see #2).
​
2) I also worked with the friend and saw how frustrated she became working with children (some on the spectrum). This is for a special ed assistant teacher and, as someone that works with children, I don't feel like she is good fit for a job working with children with intellectual disabilities. She was never rough or physically abusive with them, but she would "punish" them in ways that are not appropriate for behaviors that they can't control.
​
So am I an asshole if I don't provide a reference? I got the call Thursday night and the HR woman was only available a few hours on Friday, so I haven't had the opportunity to call if I wanted to.
​
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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As3wwTquML83Ex6Kd5N43Yin0oJGEnqu | b2yl6q | {
"description": "putting in a complaint about a coffee shop worker",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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} | WIBTA if I put in a complaint about a coffee shop worker?? | This really isn't that drastic or exciting compared to some of the other posts here, so apologies lol.
Basically, there's a coffee shop on my university's campus that my best friend, who uses a wheelchair, and I go to almost every day. There's one girl who works there who is a little...weird with him. She's never *said* anything rude to him but she has a habit of talking to me/whoever he's with instead of directly to him, and speaking as if he's a child when she does talk to him. She's been told by (in polite terms) that he is a fully mentally competent adult man and she should talk to him as such but it doesn't seem to go through to her. My friend insists he isn't bothered by this but it irks me quite a bit because I think like...if she's treating him this way she almost certainly does others too. I've been considering putting in an official complaint about her.
Here's the thing; this girl is in some of my classes and I happen to know that she's currently supporting herself and this job is her only means by which to do so. She had a complaint put in once about her before but that was for something that genuinely wasn't her fault (a customer accused her of intentionally giving her dairy instead of an alternative when she didn't actually order an alternative) and she got in a bunch of trouble for it. I remember her crying in class because she was terrified of being fired.
I don't want her to have no means to support herself because of me or whatever but she really doesn't seem to ever change any of her behaviour in this context and I really don't think it's how someone in the customer service industry should be acting. WIBTA if I spoke to her manager about it? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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M1MznCV0zdKTJpgeu02ethnAEyT6SCoF | au5iyx | {
"description": "asking the guy I am seeing to either stick up for me, or cut ties with his female friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for asking the guy I am seeing to either stick up for me, or cut ties with his female friend? | Backstory: https://www.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/atsvq2/should_the_guy_i_am_seeing_25m_have_stuck_up_for/
Given all of the comments on my original thread, I was inspired to stand my ground in telling him it is her or me - Naturally, this did not come out as eloquently as I had wanted. It came out in the form of an ultimatum, which is not the kind of thing I like to do (I don’t want to be super possessive). At first he said that if this issue keeps coming up that this is not going to work. Then he went on to say that if he had to call her then & there to redeem himself, he would. I think he knew I would not make him do it. Now I am left feeling like the AH, but I am not sure *why*. It could be because of how I handled the situation, or the fact that I even picked this battle. I would like some input about whether I am or not. Based on my other post *they* are. So why do I feel bad...
| HISTORICAL | {
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pyMVqSY8KVUehJHh5I7Qoq1nXcMhJuwN | aqlk64 | {
"description": "wanting to cut off all contact with my father",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to cut off all contact with my father | My mom and dad are divorced and my dad is SUPPOSED to have me every other week (which he never does) and never even makes an attempt to contact me but when I’m forced to go to his house my grandmother (on my dads side) and my dad berate me about not calling them and not wanting to talk to them which is because my dad abused me and my sister, was an alcoholic and I’m pretty damn sure he cheated on my mom the last time I can recall talking to my dad was when I told him happy Father’s Day (he never responded) and I just hate the thought of having to go back there just to be berated about not contacting them even though when I do they flat out ignore me | HISTORICAL | {
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0jWC4SqUB8eNtQYmI0yUmn7TIlC4ROeg | aurj55 | {
"description": "saying this to me boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for saying this to me boyfriend? | Background: I’m 23F and.... tbh, probably mildly autistic. I don’t say that as an insult to myself, it’s just true—my primary school teachers wanted me screened for it and so did my old therapist—I just never got it done. I know I say things or act unemotional and cold often, because I just don’t know how to act and say things?
My boyfriend is 24M and opposite to me. As in, not autistic, reads into everything that’s said to him, doesn’t trust people or what they say as easily and wears his heart on his sleeve.
I said, probably almost verbatim to him, “I’m more attracted to you than anyone else”. It got sorta heated and he asked me why tf I said that how would I feel if he said that to me—I wouldn’t feel anything? I mean I’d feel good? But he kept insisting it meant I was attracted to other people or something bizarre.
He’s the second boyfriend that’s said I don’t know how to talk—but then again, the first that said that was VERY manipulative.
I’m afraid either I hurt people by what I say, or I’m just going to be manipulated again into walking on eggshells all the time.
Was I the asshole? How’d you feel if your SO said that? I can take it so be honest. | HISTORICAL | {
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GHPWrUPh4obxBWzrkrxChEahTymqz0Dc | ay490n | {
"description": "being irritated with my partner's mental health issues",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being irritated with my partner's mental health issues? | I'm trying to keep this as vague as possible because my partner is a reddit user.
We've been together for two years now, and since we've started dating, it feels like my SO's struggle with mental health has gotten worse. They used to go to the gym every day, met with a therapist regularly, had a very active social life, did well in school, and work went well for them. Now they don't go to the gym or see their therapist. They only go out with friends if I am also joining. My partner's even being lazy about going to work even though it's so laid back them and other employees will play video games if customers aren't in the store. They did graduate from university though, which is great!
This past month it just feels like I'm putting my all into the relationship and my SO isn't anymore. I visit them after I'm done with my day's obligations, but they keep cancelling when we decide that they will visit me instead. This especially irritates me because they say they miss me, but they don't even want to visit me.
I know mental illness is hard and depressive episodes can last a very long time, but it feels like my SO isn't even trying to work through it anymore and it's really grinding my gears. Am I being an insensitive asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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wd7rwG4h0qjRzCsZB1P7OzgI2I2jf6L3 | b3busi | {
"description": "leaving my parents in financial need to peruse my career so that I don't end up in their situation in the future",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving my parents in financial need to peruse my career so that I don't end up in their situation in the future? | I'm 23F and I'm quitting my miserable office job today to go back to the art studio i was assistant managing.
My family lost our health insurance back in late January because my mom left her job. We ended up getting normal health insurance now which is costing my parents a lot of money. At the begining of Feb i got into a car accident which wasn't my fault and my car got totaled. We took out a loan and bought a used car and my car insurance went up. I am paying for the loan monthly and my dad is paying the insurance.
My dad was counting on this office job for me to get my own health insurance, I have been at this job for 2 months and I've become more and more miserable. I was crying constantly because I missed my old job which I loved and I worked there for 3.5 years. Yesterday I called out of work sick and cried all morning to my old coworker 45F about how much I hate this job. She gave me a big talk about how if I don't want to end up like my parents I have to get a degree. I have to have goals and do whatever it takes to get there. I went to the college I attended and switched my major and found out that I need 7 more classes to graduate and then I can go to the state university to get my bachelor's to be a teacher. I also called my old bosses and got my job back starting next month. When I explained my plan to my dad it didn't go well, he was absolutely fuming telling me that I had basically "kicked him in the teeth" and that I was selfish. He said he went out of his way to help me and I screwed him over. He told me I should stay at this job and go to school at night which isn't really possible since I get up at 5 and get home at 6:30 depending on traffic. So in the end it would take me unnecessarily longer to complete my asscociates degree. I understand that he feels betrayed and I tried to explain to him that I didn't want to be in the same struggling situation as he and my mother are in. I told him I'm miserable at this job and I can do better and he said sometimes that's how it is and I need to suck it up.
(I was paying for my car loan, my own medical bills, for my own food, and also giving them 300$ monthly. My dad was paying for my car insurance and my phone bill.)
So i'm moving in with my boyfriend's family. I'm looking to get my own car insurance and I'm switching to virgin mobile for my phone. I will also likely be without health insurance until I go to the state college. I no longer want to be a financial burden on my family. I had believed for a long time that I cannot afford to have goals and I would have to live like my parents but now I know that I don't have to if I truly don't want to. I have the support from my boyfriend and his family. I feel like my dad is controlling and only cares about money and not the long term of things. I personally feel like I will not be able to gain independence if I stay with them and they will continue controlling me and my money. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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IvjJXplIS3MqwoiCcR1zPghhTLTh1Fbu | au09df | {
"description": "standing next to tied up dog on a street",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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} | AITA For standing next to tied up dog on a street? | Hello! I feel a lot of guilt for this because I do not know if this was the right thing to do or not. I was walking my dog and came back from the dog park ( I live in the lower west side of NYC). I came across a dog tied up to a bike post, and I have never came across that before. The leash was long enough for her to walk into the middle of the street, and I was nervous of her either: getting hit, being stolen, running away, or if someone just abandoned her. I didn't see any tags on her either, so I decided the best thing to do was wait. I had my dog sit on the other side of me about 3 feet away from her, I did not pet or feed her because I did not know the dog. I waited 20ish minutes. I was willing to wait the entire day to see if she had been abandoned because I am a student and it was the weekend. Then a woman came out of a grocery store that was on the other end of the street and looked really mad at me and asked what I was doing. I told her that I was worried if she would get hurt or abandoned so I wanted to wait for a potential owner. She got really really mad and told me to leave and that her dog was fine and that I was stupid. She looked really angry at me. My mom and sister told me to never leash dogs outside because they could get stolen or hurt, and my friends have told me that they have found abandoned tied up dogs. I would never hurt a dog. Should I have not done that? Or should I mind my own business? | HISTORICAL | {
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CaG4GUPF7UnBzaNDxzvO9aKuMsGVDpNo | aibykv | {
"description": "staying with Guy Friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA For Staying With Guy Friend? | I \[34f\] went out with friends, my bf \[47m\] stayed home, he is not very social and works early so he went to bed. I ended up doing a little coke (which we are both ok with) and didn't want to wake him so texted him "I'm staying at my place tonight". I then realized I didn't know where my heater was so I went to my friend's place, a guy, and crashed on his couch. In the morning bf showed up at my place with coffee and saw I saw not home and started texting me, accused me of lying because I didn't update him and tell him I was staying with a friend, or tell him we were doing coke. Additionally he was not ok with me staying with a guy friend over night. My view is he should trust me and I should be able to stay with whoever I want and he is being jealous and insecure. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
rQ200q8UmAUIXbVqdwA04qxTA2rux6M7 | b38rl1 | null | AITA for how I interact with my male friend? | My (23f) boyfriend (25m) just broke up with me because of how “suspicious” I am with my male friend.
He’s met him, they get along great, really like one another. My friend is in full support of us and adores my boyfriend (or I guess ex) . My ex says he’s okay with him but I’m not sure.
My friend used a lot of emojis when he texts including blushing ones (I do not send him any like that) and my ex had gotten very angry at me in the past for not telling my friend to do that. He sends those to everyone so I didn’t think much of it. I asked my friend to please stop sending those to me, which worked for awhile and then he ended up doing it again.
Recently my friend asked if I was still looking for a roommate. Now I’m the last I’ve talked to my boyfriend about how I wouldn’t live with my male friends. And he saw the text to which I instantly replied you know I wouldn’t love with him.
I’ll admit my text wasn’t fair because it was “uh dude I’m not sure let me think” and ten minutes later it was a “no sorry not comfortable with it”.
My ex saw this as a betrayal and disrespect to our relationship. We fought and he said I’m too suspicious and left me.
I snapchat him and text him all the time when I’m with this friend.
Am I in the wrong? Am I being suspicious or is he just mad at me for my friends actions? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XiEvyueAdbYDhPKUJsK2LUNT7HRMGGVS | aqbsbi | {
"description": "playing traditional mexican music while cooking on Taco Tuesday",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for playing traditional Mexican music while cooking on Taco Tuesday (but on a Friday)? | So our family likes to have Mexican/Tex-Mex night every week or so. The kids love it, as do my wife and I. Recently, I've taken to loading up some mariachi (or other) music to play while I'm cooking. My wife is now taking offense and hinting "that's a touch racist, no?". AITA?
Potentially relevant details:
- I am not Mexican, neither is my wife.
- The music is most certainly Mexican (it's not Tijuana Taxi and all that)
- I am not playing the music ironically, I authentically enjoy the music.
- The food is both Mexican and Tex-Mex and yes i know the difference.
- I also have been known to play Oompah music while making Schnitzel (not necessarily relevant, but clearly this is a theme). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
PbGGhXItE7B3dx3OFQ1BK4dwZCp6sDCG | atq320 | {
"description": "telling my classmate off for taking photos and videos of me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my classmate off for taking photos and videos of me? | It all started as a joke but then it got really annoying. We had a nice talk before this even happened and he brought up why I didn't like taking pictures. I told him that I don't want to. He keeps asking why and I already gave him reasons. He got out his phone and pretended to take a picture of me. I was okay with it because I took it as a joke, but then it went on for more than 20 minutes. Needless to say, I was really through with what he was doing. Even followed me down the hall taking a video of me, and even had the nerve to follow me to the car to take a photo. I'm pretty chill if the joke is done once, twice or thrice but it still went on even after I told him multiple times to stop. I told him if he didn't stop, I'm going to have to report him to the principal because it's getting too much already. Didn't listen.
I went down the hall and he ran on front of me and grabbed me by the arms. Hit my hand against the wall too. -_- He even grabbed my arms, which were sore from weightlifting (I told him they hurt before this even happened). He blocked me from going upstairs or in the hallway. Kept running on front of me so I can assure him that I wouldn't tell the teacher. I even told him that I was going to go home and I meant it. He was a top student, so I assumed that this was just out of panic and I let him go, but before I did that, there was plenty of cursing coming from me because his first reaction really shouldn't have been to grab. I gave him a little lecture of how people have limits. It seemed that he understood well. I didn't tell the teacher about it, because I felt guilty and there were quite some overreactions from the both of us. I still feel really guilty. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
V70FwT0qQePHIxPsv22WKpa8aptNUuPC | b0e7da | null | WIBTA Hostage Vacation | WIBTA if I asked my family to do an activity I wanted on our spring break vacation? We have spent the past few days doing what my dad, my brother, and my mom wants. For some more back ground, I asked a few days ago if we could visit a famous chocolate place a few blocks from our hotel, and we went, but not until 5:30 (the store closes at 6). Afterwards I told my mom thanks for taking me but could we go again another day when they aren’t about to close, but she said no. Then we spent the whole next day and today doing activities for my brother and dad again. Tonight I asked if we could could quickly walk a few blocks and see Jenna marbles wax figure because I look up to her a lot, but I was told that everyone else was tired and we needed to go back to the hotel. We are only here for a few more days and I’d like to do something I’m interested in but all my ideas get shot down.
After keeping quiet for so long I want to ask my family why no one wants to do anything I’m interested in but I don’t want to be rude if I’m in the wrong. Should I just suck it up and appreciate how I spend my spring break or is it okay if I ask to do an activity for me? I feel like a hostage in my own vacation. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YGyP3uPVFTdsrZzZ2MkudbmzhLM9GmZf | b0ajrs | {
"description": "yelling at my mom after she became a nurse",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for yelling at my mom after she became a nurse? | Not as bad as it sounds, but first, context.
My mom is a stereotypical Asian mom, who yells at me for everything and gets mad easily. Yesterday, after giving her RN exam, she came home in a bad mood, but I ignored it. Today, I was plying LoL with my friends (in voice call) when she walks in and starts yelling and going I PASSSSED! Since I'm in a voice call (and this isnt the first time she's done something embarrassing like this) I keep yelling for her to let me turn off the chat before I stay anything, but she wont let me. I snap and yell at her to go away.
After the game though, I went said sorry and congratulated her, but she's still really mad at me.
AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
c3GIu8r1MwJWu5YDYLKTRoWGCvh3bJnD | ax4591 | {
"description": "getting mad at my gf for using her rent money on her little sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting mad at my GF for using her rent money on her little sister? | Throwaway because my friends know my reddit.
So my girlfriend (23F) is a student and she lives with me in my house which I (26M) own. I charge her $300 a month for rent, which is a great price for the area. She usually pays rent on the first Monday of the month after getting her paycheck. She texted me today saying she couldn't pay me until her next paycheck because she had paid for an uninsured IUD procedure for her little sister (18F) so it wouldn't show up on their parent's health insurance.
​
I got a little pissed off because I think she shouldn't have spent money she had already budgeted for rent. I think she should have just gotten her sister some condoms or something like that. She got pissed off at me because she thinks there's no harm since she will pay me as soon as she can. Admittedly, I don't depend on her rent money every month, but I just think it's a little disrespectful. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
VCdEU2Ya7j2naHnj3wM1qlSedcc95JuX | asdaj9 | {
"description": "getting upset that my boyfriend kept repeatedly waking me up while I was sick in bed",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset that my boyfriend kept repeatedly waking me up while I was sick in bed? | I’m (39 F) a horrible insomniac. I’m also a light sleeper, even when ill. It sucks. My bf (41M) has yet to really understand how debilitating this can be. Today I stayed home from work trying desperately to sleep so I could get better. Bf got up, took the dogs out, got ready for work, made me coffee (???), and then pounced on me in bed. I had basically been trying to sleep through this ruckus, to no avail. But when he got on top of me (not to have sex, just laid on top of me), I was not graceful about how I felt about it and could not hide my frustration. He got upset. He told me I was lazy and mean. Got mad and then made a bunch of sarcastic comments to me. How could I have been so ungrateful after he’d done all all of these nice things for me (coffee that in def didn’t need, and taking the dogs out, which was nice)? He called me to further vent his displeasure, and I tried explaining how I felt and that he’s mostly upset because I’m not reacting how he wants me to. He became even more sarcastic. I feel like he’s not getting it and acting immaturely. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
f0sjWoENmoFJNN4pWHeyZ4MMLhRY4P37 | b4w7pc | {
"description": "banning my mother from coming to my house",
"pronormative_score": 76,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I banned my mother from coming to my house? | I'm almost 30 and I just finished construction on my first house. I have bad history with my mother, love her but she has no respect for my privacy or personal space, since about 12 years old that I can remember she has rummaged through my room(hardcore searched though the room while I was at school multiple times) or likes to rearrange my things to her liking. This will be my first house living by myself and I'm considering telling her that she is not allowed to come over unless told she can with the restrictions of not touching any of my things while there. She is the cause of my anxiety and stress and I'm tired of talking to her so this would be the thing that forces her away and gives me some peace. AITA for wanting to do this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 73,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 76,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6noWo5uznAUUeDxY7leVCSYv8fuVBxTq | ab8vsp | null | AITA in this friendship. | This is my first post but since it is somewhat personal and the other person in this friendship browses Reddit I made a throwaway.
I am online friends with this person. Let's call them Bee. Bee and I have been friends for around \~6 months online and talk daily. We are somewhat close and I care for him as a person. I will admit that I have lied about some stuff when talking to him however, the things I have lied about should not really affect the friendship between us two (ex: I lied about who one of my friends were and when I would send him pictures of myself, I decided to not send them at that time). As a result Bee started to question everything I do and tell him. He creates arguments out of assumptions he makes which lasts for a few days but are resolved when we actually talk it out. Bee expects to know absolutely everything that happens in my life, what I'm doing, who I'm talking to and demands the reasons for why I may reply slow. One day I told him that he is the first person I respond to whenever I may get a message or wake up. This is true except sometimes I do not mention smaller details that I believe are not important such as I am showering , or because I do something else real quick before I message him. He gets upset at me for when I do not tell him these small details and accuses me of always "lying" and being a "fake friend". He also continues to make "jokes" that throw shade and jabs at me for past things I have done (such as, how I am always lying, how I am a fake friend, how I break promises, how I talk to other people online, how I'm an "eslut" despite only talking to him and a few other close online friends). Every time Bee has done this I have told him that it upsets me and how I want it to stop... but it doesn't. Recently today I have told him I do not believe I am a "fake" friend for not telling him for everything in my life. I personally do not believe I need to reveal every small detail, I tell him all of the important details that pertain to our friendship. His response was "no real friends don't lie so much and break every promise ever". AITA in this friendship for not wanting to say everything that happens in my life?
tldr; Online friend demands to know everything about my life. I forget to mention some things because they are small and he gets upset. He also makes "jokes" that are mean and rude to me but he refuses to stop. So I was wondering AITA in this friendship . | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
i7ZTLe7nTknyMbCdwIBK607sIj0NxOGV | a8jz2g | {
"description": "being concerned my boyfriend told his ex he likes our relationship because he has control of it and he controls the pace of our relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being concerned my boyfriend told his ex he likes our relationship because he has control of it and he controls the pace of our relationship? | Because I am so into him | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6QU9Y9O0ZHsTMJXxyhMoN1ANv1yUqmv1 | a8aohb | {
"description": "seeing my gfs lack of communication about her sexual harassment by another guy as a red flag",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for seeing my GFs lack of communication about her sexual harassment by another guy as a red flag? | I’m gonna start off by saying that she is now my ex because I found out she cheated on me. However, that’s a story for another day.
Anyway, this all goes back to May of 2018. We were both Juniors in High school at the time. I’m guessing I was at work since I wasn’t able to intervene in the situation. She had invited one of her two best friends to her house to play video games and watch a movie. Let’s call these friends Sara and Kyle.
I never really had trusted Kyle because he was the very definition of a man whore. While he is a very charismatic guy, he typically uses it to get girls into bed with him. He has also bragged about it to me. Even though I didn’t trust the guy with women I care about, I let it go because I trusted my GF.
Anyway, after awhile, all of them are pretty tired and decide to take a nap. Sara falls asleep pretty quickly but Kyle and my GF are still awake just laying there. At one point, Kyle starts seductively rubbing her stomach. She is concerned but thinks he is just asleep. Then he starts to grab her boobs and she gets out of the bed and cries in another room.
That’s where that story ends. This was all 6 months from when she did eventually tell me. We are now in August of 2018 and she tells me this story plus the fact that the person that helped her through it most was this other guy friend of hers. I will say she has known this other guy friend longer but I was her boyfriend. She had told the other guy friend shortly after it happened.
My GF would later go to therapy for this (she had told me it was to help her overcome her fear of heights). When she did tell me that August day, I was slightly conflicted about how I should respond. Admittedly, I did tell her I was kinda hurt that I was just learning about this but I decided to do whatever I could to comfort and help her through it to which she told me there wasn’t much I could do now.
Now that we are broken up (and don’t take her cheating later into consideration with your responses) I’m looking back on the situation and wondering if that was a red flag or if I’m just turning her traumatic experience into something selfish now.
TL;DR: my (now ex for outside reasons) GF was sexually harassed by a friend she had known a long time and didn’t tell me about it for 6 months. Looking back, I feel conflicted about how she went about it and if I should have thought differently. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
pBMDbspF5Q89YM6jKW6abTKcc564KiEQ | ah4pdq | {
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend for sending our dog to overnight dog training",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend for sending our dog to overnight dog training | My bf of almost 2 years had been mentioning for awhile that he wants to send our puppy (1 year old cattle dog) to an overnight trainer for 2 weeks. I’ve always been against it & shut down the conversation whenever it comes up. He has no problematic behavioral issues.
The only annoying things he does is chew up shoes and clothes that are left on the floor, jump on people (not a huge deal because he’s 40lbs and it doesn’t scare people) and tug on his leash. He has terrible seperation anxiety, and he wouldn’t sleep the whole night he stayed over a friend’s house who has a dog while my boyfriend & I were on vacation.
Last night, he mentioned Louie will be going away to the dog trainer for 2 weeks and i flipped out and blocked his number and left. I’m mad because he knew I was against it, and he went over my head and signed up for a trainer anyway. Am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
S9uW8B6b44DUtMDrbim26NkAJvKbBAzR | a11t27 | {
"description": "warning a guy about his terrible girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for warning a guy about his terrible girlfriend? | So my girlfriends friend is just not a very good person. I have known her for about 4 years and she is as childish and cruel as they come. She has cheated on multiple boyfriends, strung one poor guy along for a few years, cheating on him the entire time. She lives at home, pays no bills and even maintains an expensive hobby that her family pays for. She's also a compulsive liar and my partner and I have caught her lying multiple times. Until recently I've just ignored her, I'm 27 not 16 I don't give any real shits about this kind of high school drama, but recently this has changed. Some poor sap got involved with her long distance, and has now moved across the country to be with her. Seeing as he has no friends here I figured I'd be nice and go out for a few beers with this guy. He's as nice as they come, I'm straight and I'd be lying if I said even I wasn't a little smitten. Total sweet heart but painfully naive. I can tell she's up to her usual bullshit but I have no idea how to warn this guy, or if I even should? It's not my business and I prefer to avoid these situations but I feel like he's pissing away his time with this girl, and the fact he's from out of town is letting her manipulate him easier. I'm afraid this guy will get an STI from this girl but I have no clue how to approach the situation, or if I even should. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
g59f75kjeITDQCK5mAVfnNo6tiFxCFKz | 9wwgsv | {
"description": "kicking out parents",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking out parents? | I didn't officially kick them out. They decided to move out because they didn't like my behavior. I say parents but they're non biological and didn't raise me my whole life. Anyway here goes.
Before I (22F) left for college, I inherited a house. A family friend and their partner moved into my house and took care of it while I was in college. After college, I moved back in and they stayed living at the house.
I knew it wasn't going to be a permeant setup for them to live here but wasn't sure when it would end. Over the course of the next several months, I tried my best to be accommodating while also being incredibly frustrated. I had to ask permission for friends to come over. My SO wasn't allowed over while they were here. Dishes left for more than a few hours would get me in trouble. Eventually I just stopped trying. I'd say hi when I saw them but wouldn't go out of my way to say hi or have a conversation. I'm a naturally quiet person anyway so I didn't always have much to say.
I tried to act like a roommate around them but I think they interpreted that as that I don't care. Eventually they said that I was being mean to them. I started buying small meaningful gifts in hopes that would send a message. They expressed some gratitude but I don't think it helped our relationship. I also became more intentional about spending time together (ex: let's setup dinner once a week rather vs I see you around). Eventually they decided to move out cause they felt I was mean and didn't want them here. I do like my space but this whole thing is about more than that. I had roommates in college and loves it. So am I the asshole? Where did I go wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
47zpffg2XKwY96SyR9ZUJpJLYHexhWz0 | a3ebzk | {
"description": "telling my friend to get his priorities straight",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friend to get his priorities straight? | My friend and I are in the same foreign policy class in college, and he's been struggling with his grade in the class. We have our final test tomorrow, and last Thursday he told me that he desperately needed help because he didn't know how to study for the class, as evidenced by his grades.
So, last Friday we studied for a bit, then agreed to study again the Wednesday night (today) before the test. However, I told him I won't have much time to study because I have work until 7, so he knew that our time was precious.
Fast forward to today, he snaps me asking me to come to GameStop with him after I'm done with work so that he can get something for the smash game (idk anything about it but it seemed like he was serious about this game). I told him no because we don't have a lot of time. He responds saying with "we can just study in the car", and I again I say no that's inefficient use of the little time we have to study, and that he should wait until after the test to get the game.
He then tells me that he's not going to be able to study in the car if I'm not there with him, and I again say that I'm not going because it's a waste of valuable time, and that he needs to get his priorities straight. He proceeds to tell me to fuck off and I just don't say anything back.
AITA?
TL;DR: Friend is struggling in class and asks for help, don't have a lot of time to study, but he wants to spend part of that time to go get a video game | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PjiQyfpya4nXRaNzwEnUK9Gf1nx4YwkY | abzp1x | {
"description": "not petting my cat",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not petting my cat? | Am I the asshole when my very standoffish cat comes to me for cuddles and I sometimes deny him?
Sometimes after work when I just wanna sit by myself my cat decides he wants to cuddle. Now, my cat is very indepeandt and rarely wants affection. He might want to be petted maybe once or twice per day. When I'm feeling stressed or just wanna chill out I sometimes push him away. Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
5P4AkoCRtIh6JWXmq77Y3teW5pk9IjMl | adlbtx | {
"description": "not wanting to share my tv with my roommates",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to share my TV with my roommates? | So i'm moving into a house with three of my best friends. We're all college students. Recently, i found out that my parents are getting a new TV at our house, and they're giving me the old 4k flatscreen we've had for a few years. The problem is that i want to keep the TV in my room (I play a-lot of video games, and i like my own personal space when i do it). My friend is saying that i'm being selfish, and that i should put the T.V. in the living room where everyone can use it. However, i'm adamant against this, for a few reasons.
​
1) It's my TV, i feel like if we had all chipped in for it, then it absolutely belongs in the living room, but since it's mine, i can choose where i want to put it.
​
2) There's already a fairly decent TV in the living room, admittedly not as nice as mine, but my friend thinks i should take that one to my room, and leave the nicer one out.
​
3) I know my friends. They're extremely stubborn, and i know that leaving my TV in the living room will lead to arguments later on when i'm trying to use it to play a game/watch Netflix, and they're already using it. We'd gotten into fights before over the TV in the common area of our old dorm, so i know it's going to happen eventually.
​
If i'm being an asshole here, please let me know, but from my point of view i feel like since it belongs to me, it's not fair to force me to put it in the living room. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zJmaKd26I2ZmmcMSfpy6Xt5jG7xLit2F | 9v3xqf | {
"description": "calling my asian friend a chink and immitating his accent",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for calling my asian friend a chink and immitating his accent? | The other day I got into a heated argument with my friend in which we were both throwing around insults, and I started to immitate him. I said, "Herro, my name is John. I'm a fat chink." He didn't seem any more offended than after all the other insults I threw at him, but I still feel guilty. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 31
} | WRONG |
jEo3DHeg3pqUgKYJNlBg4jKZJZp8wn1r | b32ib6 | {
"description": "talking about a future job with a company I'm leaving",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I talk about a future job with a company I'm leaving | This is the situation:
I work for campany A.
Company A sends me to company B as a consultant.
I got a job offer from company C with a lot better pay for the same job (as a consultant). I took this offer and I'm giving my 4 weeks notice in a week.
Now I really like working at B, the job and People are great. And my goal for the future is stopping as a consultant and working at a company and buy a house near the company.
WIBTA if I talk to company B about a potential job in the future? After leaving A ( and indirectly B)?
Thanks!
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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gm0Uibl7wKTq8ZfhH6RfIqseY6RtlOiW | aoouod | null | AITA Apparently not wanting to be with my girlfriend 24/7 is not caring about her. | This may be a long one...
Things to have in mind before you read:
\-My girfriend comes from a very toxic household. She´s the youngest of all her brothers and sisters, the only one with no children, at this point in her life her only responsibility should be studying or working.
\-Her family seems envious of her because they are not exactly wealthy, and her youngest daughter has a boyfriend who lives in the rich part of the city (that´s me). She reminds me of Mikaela from Transformers, really hot and educated but poor. All joking aside, her family can be very nasty towards her sometimes. There was this one time there were two rats in my girfriend´s bedroom. Her family didn´t want to help her because it was "her problem" untill I managed to convince them about the dangers of having rats in a home, specially when there are children. And even after that, my girfriend had to pay for most of the service required, wich is not cheap. So, as you can tell, my girfriend is obviously more comfortable at my house than her own.
\-I wanted to clarify this to tell you, she´s NOT a gold digger. When I met her I wasn´t in the best economic possition and she helped me to get through it, untill I stabelized again.
I´ve been with her since May 2018. I´m 32, she´s 20. Yeah, I know. Nothing you say is something I haven´t heard before. She´s cute, funny, ironic, loves food. On the other hand, she has serious self-confidence issues, wich brings a lot of other problems but that kinda sums it up. I stay with her because I know what´s like being in that possition and I want to help her. Also I love her, obviously.
So this past Thursday we had a really big (and loud) fight about this issue. She came home the other Thursday. She was supposed to go home on Sunday. She stayed because I always let her stay an extra day or two. I miss her, you know. So we said Tuesday.
On Tuesday morning before I wake her up and say "You should get up so you get ready and I take you home" (She lives 3 hours away and it takes her at least two hours to get ready. I know, girls.) She doesn´t take it well. She gets kinda sad because she feels like I don´t want her to be here. I explain to her for the millionth time that it´s not that, but couples do need a little space, I need time for my own, missing each other for a few days is necessary for a healthy relationship. She´s still sad. Long story short, I let her stay one more day.
Wednesday: She´s ill. I knew she wasn´t liying, although it kinda bugs me that by the time she got better it was already too late for her to go home. Now I´m getting a bit annoyed. I really wish I was alone at that moment.
Thursday comes. Same story as Tuesday, I wake her up gently, tell her she should start getting ready. She´s sad again. I won´t take it this time. When she sees I´m not giving any sigs of letting her stay, she starts packing her bag angrily. I try to ignore her in the most polite way I can, offering a glass of watter, etc., you know just trying to act normal. It was getting late again so I say, politely, "You should hurry, it´s getting late and I don´t want you walking home alone at night". Oh yeah, on sunday I could have taken her myself because I don´t work, but any other day my shift is split in two periods, meaning I could not go with her. And she says "I know you want me to leave, you don´t have to be so obvious about it".
That is when I explode. I turn around and say "WHAT?" She gives me the stare of death and I say "How can you not yet understand that it´s not I don´t WANT you here, but I NEED time for myself. Just ONE day. That´s all I need, you can come back on Saturday if you like." She goes "What do you think I am? A dog that you can call when you want?" At this point I´m about to go berzerk. I start telling her all the things I put up with to stay with her (wich actually should be a story on it´s own but TL/DR, she can be very needy and demanding sometimes). I tell her that because at this point it´s the only way I can maybe make her understand how much I care about her. She says that I want to make her feel bad, I tell her sorry but it´s the truth, it´s not my problem she can´t see it. From that point on, it was going round and round on the same point: I need time, she SAYS she knows that but still doesn´t want to leave, I ask her if she plans to stay forever, she says "No" so I say "Then please go home so I can have a little Me Time", and here we are at the beggining of the loop.
She finaly went home, by the time she got there she was already in a better mood, but she was still throwing comments like wanting to guilt trip me about not letting her stay. Very subtle, but I notice the manipulation.
So what do you think? Am I the asshole?
TL/DR: Girlfriend who has a very toxic family wants to basically live with me but I tell her I need a day or two on my own to enjoy myself. She gets sad and angry and it leads to fights.
Sorry for any spelling mistakes, english is not my first language. | HISTORICAL | {
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rT08GXa4EKxzXH8r9JRSesMbvlmYb61u | awj7ql | null | Aita:Loud a$$ mother in law | I'm trying to get a nap before work and my wife's mother don't call and just show up loud mouth convo, talkin and keeping me awake. AITA is I ask them to get the hell out | HISTORICAL | {
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3U5KuPr8vyEPL4ygF6TillzENtLL4oBj | avsxn1 | {
"description": "pretending to be a lesbian to get a guy hitting on me to go away",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for pretending to be a lesbian to get a guy hitting on me to go away? | A preface: normally I wouldn’t use a throwaway, this isn’t a huge deal even if I acted like a jerk during it. I’m just on a discord server with a lot of reddit users and if I posted this on my main they would roast the fuck out of me.
So, to begin with, I’m a straight, cis high school girl. I’m not bi or trans and as the post title states, I’m certainly not a lesbian. But I am very progressive and have a lot of LGBT friends, one of them being a girl I’m just gonna call BFF for now. She *is* a lesbian and we aren’t in a relationship (she has a gf) but we’re super close friends. Since she’s out and we’re so close, a few years back there was this huge annoying rumor circulating about how we were dating. We weren’t. We couldn’t convince anyone we weren’t, as hard as we tried, and it died out naturally. I am on kind of frosty terms with my BFF’s gf because of it though, who’s not possessive, but she is paranoid. I like the girl and all but considering her dislike of me I wouldn’t really be friends with her.
So. It’s junior year last week, all the shitty dating rumors evaporated a while back, and me and my BFF are in the hallway just chatting before school ends when this guy I’ll call Kevin (courtesy of the infamous Kevin meme) struts into our zone.
Important fact about Kevin: He’s an asshat. A certified dickprince. He hits on girls constantly unaware of just how much they loathe him, and he’s been eyeing me up for a few days. I knew this was coming, but I was just hoping to ignore him.
He begins to try and put the moves on me with a bunch of stupid comments about my face and butt and how we should copulate. Infantile and dumb. My BFF and I try to walk away from him, but he keeps following us. Finally, out of frustration, I blurt out at him “I’M A LESBIAN!” In hopes that he’ll leave me and my BFF the fuck alone. He doesn’t immediately, makes a bunch of dumb comments about how he could turn me and how we should make out, but it’s obviously pretty discouraging and he leaves like a minute after I say it. So I’m standing there, pretty smug and self-satisfied at how I handled the situation, and then I notice my BFF is frowning at me. I can’t remember exactly what she said but to paraphrase, it was something along the lines of “That was kind of dickish of you, Kevin’s going to tell everyone that you’re a lesbian and they’ll all think we’re dating, [her GF] will get pissed-“ (my BFF and her GF are in all different classes so it’s not common knowledge that they’re dating) “-we’ll have to ward off all the rumors again, and if you date guys in the future that just gives people more reason to think that lesbianism is something that can be changed.” She also went on about how calling yourself a lesbian isn’t a get-out-Of-being-hit-on free card.
Initially I thought she was overreacting, but after reflecting on it I can see why she’d be mad, and I think it’s possible I was a bitch. So how about it Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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89BLS471csYLpCGWqrs5cHaVSx1hewjL | az40cr | {
"description": "thinking its disgusting that my mom and her boyfriend are always smoking in the house (both cigarettes and weed) everyday",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking its disgusting that my mom and her boyfriend are always smoking in the house (both cigarettes and weed) everyday? | To start, I'm 17 and have a 12 year old brother. My mom, no matter what smokes inside. Its currently 40 degrees out and she is still smoking in the house.
Whenever I come home especially for when I'm gone for the whole day I become light headed because the cigarette smoke makes me feel that way. We've asked her regularly to stop and its becoming so bad that peers and my dad think that I'm smoking cigarettes.
I wouldn't live here if it was my choice but I still feel that even if I was living here at 19 or 20 under my own will its still completely unfair for my younger brother to be subjected to the effects of second hand smoke. | HISTORICAL | {
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yVsj8NjZou0sZ6kyUnMbmaLvlHpET4vb | ar89xt | {
"description": "siding with a (kinda) flakey player over my boyfriend and our dungeon master",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for siding with a (kinda) flakey player over my boyfriend and our dungeon master? | Me and my boyfriend play dungeons and dragons with a couple of friends form uni. We are all in our final year apart from one guy (lets call him Joe) who is doing a sandwich year which means he started in the same year as us but is currently doing an internship this year, and will graduate next year. He actually lives closer to his work but makes an effort to come over for parties and dnd, and usually ends up crashing on our couch.
Now our dungeon master (Lets call him Bob) is a great dungeon master but a kinda control freak in all aspects of his life. I've never really seen eye to eye with him but my boyfriend is good friends with him. The one thing he hates is people last minute cancelling plans, which I 100% understand most of the time, but I also know that life happens and sometimes not everyone can make it. Joe has actually always been pretty good with coming. He has had to cancel a couple of times but was able to give notice and we rearranged for a better time.
Yesterday I woke up to see a mess in our group chat. From what I can gather, Joe had to cancel for a last minute work trip. They are flying him out to the US today for a week, and he had just found out. He was estatic, however this meant he obviously wouldn't be able to make our session, and Bob lost his shit at him. Partly due to the last minute cancellation but I feel like something else might have happened because he is not normally a super angry person. Joe even said he was happy for us to play without him but Bob was not having that. He doesn't like people missing out on his story because he works hard on it.
Anyway, I tried to defuse a little in a different group chat with everyone and a couple of others in, just saying how happy I was for Joe because I knew he wanted to go for a while and stuff, but in the original Dnd chat everyone else was kind of aggresive and taunting saying things like "Ah, we're going to miss you Joe.", "We had a good campain, your character was fun to play with" and stuff like that as if its already established that he would no longer be welcome at these sessions. I tried again to calm people down saying it was just one session and it was a pretty good reason but people were like "Nah, if Bob wants him gone, hes gone."
My own boyfriend who was right next to me admitted it was a bit harsh but said there was nothing he could do, but I wasn't taking that. I argued with Bob for a bit longer but he wasn't having none of it. He in the end said something along the lines of "If you want to go play with Joe, then go. No one is making you turn up to these sessions. You're just the eye candy anyway"
That last statement made me mad. The boys have always been super respectful to me playing with them. I really don't think siding with Joe was the wrong thing to do. He has done nothing wrong in my eyes. But seeing as not even my own bf will side with me I'm really sitting back wondering if the other guys have a point, or are they all just sucking up to Bob? | HISTORICAL | {
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6VHDT6BznbIAdtsZRaLCiIJhE9F1QweY | b9lzye | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend to show a prospective buyer my couch when I wasn't home",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 42
} | AITA for asking my girlfriend to show a prospective buyer my couch when I wasn't home? | I’ve been trying to sell my old couch for the past 2 weeks. It’s in good condition but my girlfriend hates it and so I posted an ad for it on kijiji. Someone contacted me that they were interested in buying it and wanted to come over to see it. I work 9-6 Monday to Friday and but he only worked evenings so our schedules didn’t mesh but he wanted to see it ASAP. My girlfriend does not work on Wednesday's and usually spends it studying at home for an exam she’s taking soon so I figured that she could show the guy the couch and if he wanted to buy it take the money for it.
​
When I told my girlfriend - she was angry and said that I should have asked her first (I admit I should have but I knew she was going to be home anyway- she’s a homebody). She said she refused to be home alone with some random guy I found on the internet and that anything could happen. I thought she was being a bit ridiculous. For example, she was home alone one time when someone came to fix our internet . She insisted that was different since it was through our landlord and it was an official business but this is some random guy she doesn’t know and that “strange men” make her nervous. I still thought she was being silly but she flat out refused and thought I was being insensitive. I had to contact the guy and say the day didn’t work anymore. He got annoyed and kind of lost interest in the couch after that - much to my disappointment and now I'm still trying to sell the couch.
​
I just don’t understand why she was being difficult but she insists she did nothing wrong and was just looking out for her safety.
AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
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qUwLPQrs9AYzyvkeIZVqoRgNCYohEj19 | arne6s | {
"description": "getting mad at my brother's broken foot",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting mad at my brother's broken foot | to:dr Little brother breaks foot I get mad at home for using it as an excuse for everything
So it may sound bad but let me explain. My little brother who is one year Younger than me broke his foot. But, I know that he has reason for some stuff but i | HISTORICAL | {
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ynzvtw5giMGD2gAnfuO1zuYSYsh0uA7C | afap2t | {
"description": "not wanting to go to my dads girlfriend who I've never seen",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to go to my dads girlfriend who I’ve never seen? | Hey Reddit. So I posted a similar thing on r/advice a month or so ago when this actually happened, but I’ve started thinking that I was kind of a dick. I don’t remember everything since I have pretty bad memory, but it should be enough for you all to make a judgment.
Here’s some background information. I am a 13 year old girl. My dad has had 5 or so previous relationships (that I know of) prior to his current one. I hadn’t met his gf before this happened, and I only spoke to her for about 5mins on the phone.
So my dad basically says that, 2 days before xmas, we were going to his gfs on boxing day and I would go to my mums from there. I basically said “Well, no. I don’t even know this woman and you’re asking me to stay at her place?”
He started to get really mad at me and was like “You’re ruining my Christmas” and “If you don’t come with me, you’re not seeing your mum”. My blood began to boil at this point. I kinda just started shouting that I didn’t want to go because I don’t know her I wouldn’t feel comfortable (my dad would be there, but still)
He started saying things like “You’re a disgusting child” “Piece of shit” “Selfish bitch” and, again “You’re ruining my Christmas”. I started crying and he said “You’re staying on your own” (I ended up going anyways but that’s not the point).
I think I said something like “You’re just being and idiot and you’re probably drunk” and went to my bedroom. He does have a bit of an alcohol problem, and he sounded like he has been drinking, but I don’t know.
I ended up crying for a few hours and I just felt bad about shouting at my dad, but I just wanted to get my point across.
I understand that he wanted to see his girlfriend and wanted me to meet her, but I don’t think he understood that I wasn’t keen on spending xmas with a stranger, even if he would be there.
TL;DR, I feel like I was an asshole to my dad because I didn’t want to go to his gfs with him since I didn’t know her.
I don’t know... even if I don’t like his gf, I still feel kinda shitty and like I did something wrong. I feel like a dick. I mean, I did shout at him and call him an idiot. And I was being a bit selfish, admittedly. But I don’t know. | HISTORICAL | {
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Eg1p7SEZtXY2Ju7chgTw1WcnJtrzwsgR | am3e49 | {
"description": "wanting to give up on my family and culture",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to give up on my family and culture | I come from a very conservative Indian family. My parents are both very religious which means they are both very strictly against the idea of drinking and dating and I’m also expected to be arranged to a girl when it comes time to get married. We’re all vegetarians but being that my sister and I grew up in America, we have differing values. A few years ago my sister started dating a White guy. He seemed nice enough and I kept her secret from my parents. Fast forward to last year, my sister decided to ask one of my relatives for advice on how she should bring it up to my parents if she wants to move forward. They ended up telling my parents about it and they both reacted horribly. It ended with a lot of crying and fighting. Fast forward, my family doesn’t talk about it because it only ends with arguments and no development. This was two years ago. Last year, during a visit to a cousins, me and my sister drank a little with her. This cousin decided to disclose this information to the same relative who ended up confronting me and my sister about it on my sisters bday in front of my parents. They told my parents they were gullible idiots for not knowing this about their kids. They berated us for drinking ever and called us uncultured and spoiled. They also brought up that my sister was still dating that guy and started yelling at her for it. I defended her and they started yelling at me too. Keep in mind it was very awkward as they were visiting for the entire winter break so me and my sister pretty much stayed in her room the entire time. After the relatives left, things got a little better as we had time to think it over and my dad told my sister he overreacted a bit. I’ve never been one to talk out my feelings or be emotional so me and my dad have never been very close. My sister is much more social and expressive. Up until this incident I was always the one to try and fix arguments and keep our family close but I have since lost motivation to do so. Things seem to have settled down but I doubt they will still be okay with my sister ending up with a white guy. I have not been able to live at home the same since. I can’t talk to my parents because I feel like I don’t agree with their values and I want to live my own life. My sister is a doctor and is financially successful and we’ve talked about maybe moving out at some point. She has started talking to my parents again. My parents both grew up in india and I can understand why they have their values but I do not agree with them. I don’t like having these rules on my life and I don’t like feeling controlled. They’re amazing parents and have always been caring but I feel like we have a fundamental disconnect in values. I want to move out but I know this would be selfish because it would be like I’m giving up on saving my family because I don’t want to deal with it anymore. My ideal plan would be to become financially stable and start paying them back for the expenses they wasted on me. I’m sorry if this was a jumbled mess I kinda just wrote what I thought. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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WPVolJx0Qt3AxiKxu4CZjM0WR6I02B9c | a9v2cn | {
"description": "not wanting to take a bunch of junk out of a friends car after she totaled her car",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to take a bunch of junk out of a friends car after she totaled her car? | Ok this is my wife’s friend, she is a very bad driver. She scratch her car up pretty bad parking her car in her garage. She went to the repair shop to pay a grand to fix the car so her dad wouldn’t be mad at her when she returned home from school. She picked it up after the paint job and drove out the repair shop and immediately hits another driver and totaled her car. She and the other driver arguing about who is at fault, but I have seen her drive and It isn’t a stretch of any imagination that she caused it. She has hired legal representation and is claiming she got hurt (I am thinking she is milking it and refuses to admit fault). Also My wife even said she felt unsafe as her passenger before.
Anyway she went home for Christmas (another state) and won’t be back for several weeks until school starts up again. She needs us to go to the dealership to take out a bunch of junk in the trunk and car and hang on to it for several weeks so insurance can get the car. We have seen the interior of her car it is total mess. It’s raining and cold out and I have zero desire to clean up her crap and organize it for her and take up space in my home. Shouldn’t she have thought this through before leaving for break when she suspected her car was totaled ? Or at least organize it better? Anyway wife is getting upset about my lack of enthusiasm for helping in this task. | HISTORICAL | {
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zNl9XxpWzNpTZuv2NRRi6TPMxqOwN1vr | ay3rtc | {
"description": "refusing to let my mom in the delivery room",
"pronormative_score": 83,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to let my mom in the delivery room? | My mother and I never got along. I moved out of my parents house when I was young due to our toxic relationship. I'm now 29, and my husband and I are expecting our first child. This will be my mom's first grandchild.
Long story short, we don't have a mother-daughter relationship. We don't respect each other, and we don't agree on things. Because of that, and to maintain the peace, I've put up boundaries that exclude her from the highly personal aspects of my private life. I dont confide in her, or look to her for any type of advice or emotional support. When we do talk, it's just to get caught up. I tell her how work is going, and she updates me on the rest of the family. Sometimes I borrow money from her. Sometimes she bums rides off of me. We're just friends.
But now she seems to think that this pregnancy changes things. She doesnt respect these long established boundaries, nor does she respect my decisions, and has no confidence in me what so ever.
I know she's just excited to be a grandmother, and wants to be involved. She's all sentimental, feeling like it's her job to be there to guide me with her wisdom. But I like the boundaries, and I would prefer to keep our relationship as it is, because it works. I'm just not ready or willing to assume the role as daughter in a mother-daughter dynamic. I don't feel comfortable showing her my vulnerability, let alone look to her for support. I also find it very disrespectful with how she talks down to me like I'm an idiot who hasn't bothered to learn about pregnancy, labour, delivery, or parenting. It reminds me of why those boundaries are there in the first place.
She assumed that she'd be in the delivery room when I gave birth. I literally just said "no you're not. It's just going to be me and (husband)". She doesn't respect that decision, and assumes I'm going to want her there. She started questioning whether or not my husband will be able to handle it. I've been with him for 10 years, she hardly knows him. I just wanted to tell her to fuck off. It's not up for discussion.
So, am I an asshole because I dont want a close mother-daughter relationship with my mom, causing her to feel left out and deprived of part of what she thinks being a grandma is supposed to be?
| HISTORICAL | {
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V8Zkm3ivvWKnu1x9RfaR7uZQ3JYk2LG5 | b5vkh6 | {
"description": "telling my mom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling my mom. | Im not a native speaker so there may be some mistakes, sorry in advance!
(Throwaway for obvious reasons)
This year has been tough for my family, as im from israel and weve been getting a lot of bombing lately. My cousin (F13) just moved next to me and she moved to my school. I (M14) really didnt want her to move here because shes not fit for this school, and it turns out I was right. Until 2 weeks ago everything was fine, but one day I found out she started smoking and drinking alcohol. I didnt snitch on her because thats not what we do. After a few days I found out she started sleeping with guys (sexual intercourse) and I was pissed, I was afraid that people will start calling her a whore and will bully her, so I told my parents. After she found out (my cousin) she started yelling at me and telling me I ruined her whole life... AITA? Thanks. | HISTORICAL | {
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g7zu4SrbFjXONIxdCcIHuPbrE8NUJtV2 | atixue | {
"description": "scaring girls in the park",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 44
} | AITA for scaring girls in the park | So i (m) was running in the park yesterday around 11pm(i like running latenight because there are less people and the air is better).
The park isnt very well-lit and was completly empty except three 16-18y old probably slightly drunk girls sitting on a bench smoking.
The first time i passed them they said "hello" and i replied "hi".
The second time i passed they said "hi" i said "hello".
The third time they said "not so fast"(sounded like sarcasm but i wasnt sure).
Now the fourth time i was running very close to them suddendly turned to side and yelled "buh"
.... ive never heard screams like that before.
Wanted to stop next round and explain that it was just a joke but they were gone. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 44,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 18,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 44
} | WRONG |
ZSoI3aI7zsNup0D9hlGlQpEnHkKsegvM | 9uvt6s | {
"description": "suggesting that my bf would've eaten all the food",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for suggesting that my bf would’ve eaten all the food | AITA for predicting that my bf wouldve polished off food that was meant for both of us if I hadnt walked in?
Love my bf but he is known to overeat and eat the last of things without offering to others.
Yesterday I made dinner. I made enough leftovers of a quinoa salad to have 2 portions to be eaten today for either lunch or dinner. One for each of us.
I had a hard day at work so I was already admittedly a little grumpy and when I walk in bf is on the couch with the full serving bowl in his lap, going to town. There definitely isn’t even a serving size left but I do ask him if he had planned to save me any and he quickly replies yes and hands over the bowl with a few bites left and all of the good stuff eaten out of it.
Later in the evening, I (1/2) jokingly suggest that he would’ve eaten it all if I hadn’t come home at that moment. Apparently this really pissed him off as he felt that I was being an asshole by ‘predicting the future’. But the past shows that he will eat the last of something without considering others. And he did have spoon in mouth with little sign of stopping until I said something.
AITA for pointing this out in a joking manner?
| HISTORICAL | {
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MvrvO3cGDngZmrYPvdBDyFEtAhT198Rh | a2jzgu | {
"description": "informing my male house guests that they must pee sitting down in my bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA for informing my male house guests that they must pee sitting down in my bathroom? | Backstory: I also have a penis. Urinating whilst standing up splashes piss water everywhere no matter how “accurate” one aims. It’s simple physics that a stream of forced liquid from a height of feet down into the bowl will aerate the water and send tiny droplets flying in all directions. And that’s if it’s 100% perfect aim and a tight, even stream (which is idealized bullshit, in other words). It’s just nasty as fuck, and I cannot fathom why men want to do this, other than the animalistic drive to “mark territory.” So in my house, if you want to use the facility, you sit to do it. You pee when you shit, don’t you? Do you stand up while you’re shitting just because you need to pee? No, you pee while sitting if you’re also shitting. So you can do it the same when you’re not.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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ayRRUVp8iA5r2l9DwBdXWqoZqSk1TB2P | aecoya | {
"description": "becoming closer with my friend's brother than my friend over the past year",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for becoming closer with my friend's brother than my friend over the past year? | Tldr at the end
Little background; Ive (F 23) known my friend, we'll call her Jane, since we were in kindergarten. We were best friends up until about 2 years ago when our lives took different routes and our paths sort of diverged. Ive known her brother, lets call him John, for just as long. Basically I grew up around their family. Jane is my age, John is 2 years younger. Over the past year, John and I have become increasingly closer, arguably closer than Jane and I. John and I had never hung out as adults until a little over a year ago. Growing up, we knew eachother. Or, to put it better; we knew OF eachother. I'd see him when I went over to go hang out with Jane. But in our first 20ish years of knowing each other we exchanged maybe a total of 500 words. He was just Jane's little brother to me. Flash forward, to October of 2017; we ran in to eachother on our college campus and started talking and hanging out; movies, coffee, college parties, etc. pretty harmless stuff. It was all very platonic. I may add this was about a month after I got out of an incredibly toxic 5 year relationship and the male companionship made me feel comfortable and desirable so I naturally gravitated towards him. He's one of my best friends now. We still talk every day, we had a 150 day snap streak, he helped me move in to my appartment, we go see movies together, I party mom'd his 21st birthday, I tell him everything and he tells me everything.
A little background about Jane: Jane is recently engaged to a man she loves very much (lets call him Mark). They are incredibly happy together but Mark is emotionally manipulative. Jane has burned multiple bridges with multiple childhood friends for various reasons, all of which stem from Mark. Jane lets Mark's insecurities dictate her actions and she does it with a smile because she is absolutely head-over-heels crazy about this guy. Obviously this put a strain on Jane's relationship with me, John as well as the rest of their family.
I was losing a childhood friend and John was losing a sister so obviously we comforted eachother and talked a lot of our issues out.
Lately John and I have been becoming a lot more... erm... physical. I struggle to say 'romantic' because at the end of the day he's my friend above all. Nor do I want to say sexual because we haven't ACTUALLY done the deed yet. We're both very attracted to one another and I feel it was bound to happen eventually.
I may add that I've been the one to make the advances. Its not that he's sexually inexperienced or that I'm being predatory, but I could tell I was going to be the one to make the first move. So I did. And let me tell ya; it felt great. We were out drinking with some friends and we kind of just ended up kissing once at a bar which turned in to going home and staying up till 4am necking on eachother.
Jane found out and she was less than ammused. She feels betrayed by me and I can see where she is coming from. I cant tell if she is more bothered by mine and John's close friendship or more bothered by the thought of one of her close friends hooking up with her brother. It doesnt help that John was the 'boy next door' for vurtually every girl we went to high school with. She has been bombarded with comments about how hot her little brother is for as long as I can remember.
I feel like the asshole. I know Jane wouldnt have expected this from one of her best friends. Sure Jane hasn't been the greatest friend to me, or the greatest sister to John but thay doesn't make me value her feelings any less. At the end of the day she is still a childhood friend of mine and I can't help but feel like I'm going behind her back.
TLDR: am I the asshole for becoming closer and hooking up with my friend's brother amidst her becoming increasingly distant from her friends and family due to a controversial and arguably unhealthy marriage?
Do your worst, reddit. Make me feel like the brother-fucking slut that I know I am.
Thank you for listening. | HISTORICAL | {
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3weMmS865ghPLhjS7b6Wy8wwJkytM7my | acyntu | {
"description": "asking the friend of someone I slept with if she was flirting with me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for asking the friend of someone I slept with if she was flirting with me? | So, some context: I've made some pretty big changes to my life recently, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I'm currently traveling, have a decent haircut, a bit trimmer, and dress a lot tidier than normal. So. I met an old spark while abroad, we had some drinks, her friend was there, and they went off to a show while I hung out in town and waited for them to finish up. A few hours later and I catch up with them at a bar, and the friend opens the door, and looks super happy to see me, and seems quite flirtatious. She's much prettier than I would normally feel comfortable flirting with. Anyway, we head inside, and I meet up with my old spark, we hit it off, and go back to hers.
About a week later, I've added her friend on social media and after chatting, mention that I felt like she was flirting with me. I figure it would be nice to know, I'll likely never see her again (having left the city and living a long way away), and it'll likely make me feel good about myself. Old spark is told about it, and is told that I was making a pass at her friend, decides that we had a one time thing, and that she's lost respect for me, which hurt. I don't know if there is much potential for anything else with old spark, but there's certainly almost none now.
AITA?
tl;dr
Asked friend of girl I slept with if she was flirting with me which was taken as a pass AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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KBGYeKGbrVBelndoTpAU0oPUoHmM4cWI | anwx57 | {
"description": "messing up ground rules with MIL",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for messing up ground rules with MIL? | **TLDR: We told MIL she can't watch our son alone because of parenting style/abuse/drinking. SO & I came to this conclusion before our child was born, but neglected to tell her right away & it blew up in our face.**
​
So I have been considering posting this for a while & am genuinely curious to see what you all think. Even though I'm leaving out a ton of details this is still going to be long, I apologize in advance.
My MIL is a normally sweet woman in her late 40s, but there have been problems with her that I feel can't be overlooked.
When my SO was a child/teenager she used hard drugs & was physically/emotionally abusive. As my SO grew into young adulthood she got off hard drugs, but continued drinking heavily. At this point she has abused alcohol for a number of years & everyone considers her to be an alocholic that will not change. She holds down a job & can function in society, but if she isn't at work she is getting hammered. While drunk she comes out of her shell & is very gregarious & loud to the point of being sloppy. Falling down, passing out, a usual drunks behaviour is par for the course.
In the past she's alternated between being openly apologetic of her treatment of my SO to joking about the abuse, thinking certain incidents that are brought up are funny. My partner doesn't feel much attachment to her, or a need to pursue a closer relationship so generally we only see her at family holiday gatherings.
That is until we had her first grandchild. Then she was wanting to visit once a month. No problem, we were always there supervising any/all contact she had with our son. While I was pregnant SO & I both agreed that she should probably never have alone time with him for all the obvious reasons. Now here is where we I think we messed up: we did not tell her this before our son was born.
So over the summer we were visiting & got into a conversation about childcare/rearing. Our son was not present so we had a few drinks with dinner & MIL was already drunk when she'd arrived. She proceeds to go on about how kids need to be spanked/slapped so that they don't grow up to be ENTITLED. My SO goes a little quiet. I engage her saying that we do not believe in that form of "parenting" & won't allow anyone else to do that to our son. She argues a bit so (this is where I messed up again) I jokingly say "Well MIL that's why you won't be watching him alone ever then." My SO backs me up, subject is changed, dinner is eaten, & things calm down.
The next day she leaves, cutting a weeklong trip short. Obviously she is pissed. I get a text that basically says she feels disrespected, she want's nothing to do with either of us, & hey have a nice life. I respond with sorry you feel disrespected, not really an apology I know, but although the conversation didn't happen the way it should have both SO & I still meant it. Then she goes NC with us for a number of months.
Eventually she texts SO & they have the same conversation. We do not want her watching our son if she will hit/slap/spank as a form of punishment. She then says that she is not here to punish/enforce rules with the kid, just love. My SO questions her though, do you still believe it would be okay? You say you won't do it, but you think it's alright? Yes, she does think it's alright, but promises not to. This is when my SO brings up the drinking, saying in effect well how can you follow our requests if you are drinking/drunk? Can you watch him without drinking?
**This is where she gets mad & states that she has another grandchild arriving. She will have another grandchild to love, to see whenever she wants, & THAT SHE DOESN'T NEED OUR SON ANYMORE.**
At this point we are done. We're so glad are son is too little to understand what was being said about him by his grandmother. She reached out via text very briefly over the Christmas holiday, but other than that we have not dealt with her. Now she has not seen her grandchild in over 7 months.
I have this nagging doubt that this is all my fault. I feel very guilty because we didn't outline our expectations in the beginning. I also feel bad because I don't want to ruin my SO or my son's relationship with her. I come from family that has a lot of members NC/estranged & I don't want that for my son. Please tell me what you guys think.
I'm really conflicted & want to know AITA here?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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kIVeOjcQaoiAaxEjqCSdpWOZGCNjDeyf | a4u8am | {
"description": "putting my daughter's children at risk of being taken away",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for putting my daughter's children at risk of being taken away? | I'm 53, my daughter is 30.
My daughter was born with hydrocephalus, a brain disorder. Not necessarily a mental disorder, more a physical one. She wasn't affected mentally beyond missing long stretches of school for surgeries and illnesses. I stayed at home while my husband worked at his request.
When she was 17, she had a routine surgery which went awry. After dozens of brain surgeries without any complications, this was the one that caused damage. She developed epilepsy and never really developed mentally beyond 17. She tried to maintain a healthy life but you could tell she never really became an adult, even to this day. At least it was 17 and not 12 or something like that. In some ways, I think she might have regressed to a younger "mental age" over time. I became her primary support giver until she moved out at 24 with her boyfriend.
Since then, my husband and I divorced and it was a particularly nasty one. I won't get into details but if you were looking at it as a "this party was right, this party was wrong" thing, he was in the wrong. Why I bring this is up is I'll probably have to work until I die, and I work minimum wage due to being a SAHM my entire adult life.
Between then and now, she had two children, both with similar disabilities (one has a missing/partially missing cerebellum and is low functioning autistic, one has hydrocephalus but is otherwise "normal"). CPS was involved from the geto and basically forbid her from being alone with her children due to their disabilities. My daughter could have a seizure and be out for hours at a time, if she even wakes up. She has refused fulltime nurses and instead relies on her husband.
This leads into a week ago. My daughter's boyfriend allegedly broke a few ribs and had to go to the hospital. She phoned me and asked me to leave work early and stay with her for a few weeks because he was out of commission as a caregiver role. I can't, I told her, and she blew up at me. I conceded and said I could maybe come visit once a day to check in (I live two hours away each way) but I can't essentially quit my job to be her caretaker. I could lose my house. She said that CPS is going to know he broke a few ribs and cannot provide fulltime care and will take her children away. I stood firm in my decision and was hung up on. I haven't spoken to her since.
AITA for not quitting my job to ensure my daughter keeps her kids? I don't even know if she'd lose them, she might have been overreacting or jumping to conclusions. But I can't give up my job of six years to be a nanny fulltime for a few weeks. | HISTORICAL | {
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KpkgkRzMZddzZIAAXDGukogZ859twvOi | b7rbhq | {
"description": "leaving the party my gf was to go to another party",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving the party my gf was to go to another party? | I know it sounds bad but let me explain, my girlfriend called me to go to her friend's birthday party and i went with her, i only knew her there but not that big of a deal. I had another birthday party to go but i was planning to go later.
I went outside to smoke and called my friend in the other party just to talk, my gf was dancing inside while i was on the phone. She saw me alone outside, came to me and said "you don't know anyone here, if you want to go to your friend's party feel free" i told her that i was okay there and would go later but she insisted that she didn't care, so i waited a while and went to the other party, stayed one hour and came back to see my girlfriend, when i arrived she had already left and was mad at me.
Sorry for bad english | HISTORICAL | {
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NmB6NxL3IMMkwbZC63hyQKikzQCV0LdM | a9nxd8 | {
"description": "ignoring my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for ignoring my friend? | I have a friend who loves league of legends and spends a lot of time playing it. Our relationship hasn't been that good for the latter half of this year, but he was wonderful to me for the first half. We mostly communicate online. I know holidays are a pretty shitty time for him due to apathetic family, manic depression and a slew of other issues, so for Christmas, I wrote him a heartfelt message and sent him some art of his favourite league of legends character. I don't play league and that's something that he gets upset about, but I try to compensate by listening when he talks about it and being attentive to the characters and lore that he likes.
After reading my message and seeing the art I made he responded 'thanks' and went right back to playing league with his other friends, which he proclaims are better than me because they actually play the game with him, which translates to them caring more based on previous discussions. He didn't even wish me 'merry christmas'. There was no further appreciation, no nothing. I worked really hard on that art and it was tricky doing the research since I don't play the game. I know he's having a rough time and I'm not owed any gratitude by any means, but I feel so hurt to be shoved to the side and given bare minimum after I worked so hard for him. I honestly can't even be bothered to communicate this to him since I already know he'll just say 'k' or ignore me entirely if he's feeling down, and only respond when he's at an upswing.
WIBTA if I ignored him next time he contacts me? I feel like such an asshole but this feels like the final straw somehow. I KNOW he can show more gratitude than that, I made him a very similar piece of art a few months ago and he was falling over himself with thankfulness. He's being so closed off this later half of the year and I don't want to let myself get sidelined and have him put in zero effort even if I already know it's all down to mental issues and situational stuff with family... I'm sure he didn't mean to be short with me but it still really hurts. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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nGDBLtaPk26uhYBFrnKD4KxFGEM3322G | b6n03y | {
"description": "buying my girlfriend a new car",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 34
} | AITA (30M) for buying my girlfriend (26F) a new car? | I’ve been with my girlfriend now for about a year and we recently moved in together. She’s incredible and has made me a much better person in the short time we’ve been together.
We do have some disagreements every now and then. We are from very different backgrounds and don’t always see eye to eye. The other week we got into a pretty serious argument and she was obviously very upset.
I love this woman and intend to marry her, and was very afraid of losing her so I wanted to show her my appreciation. I then went out and got her a new car. She moved away from her home to come live with me and she’s hasn’t had a vehicle here. It just seemed like a suitable thing.
When I surprised her with it she called me an asshole and said that I had to get over my spoiled upbringing and learn to deal with things like an adult. That I couldn’t “buy her love” with an expensive car. She ended up taking it back to the dealership and I got the refund on my bank account.
So am I an asshole for buying her a car? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 9,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 34
} | WRONG |
dvQnppCClbl3kZDeqNzcPqy9y2JsweJI | aqbvhg | {
"description": "letting a guy I deemed creepy miss his bus",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for letting a guy I deemed creepy miss his bus? | TL;DR I met a creepy dude on a bus. I switched buses, and I saw him trying to catch my bus. I didn't tell the bus driver to stop because I worried he was following me.
I (17, F) was on the bus to the mall, not for the mall specifically, but because there is a bus loop of sorts there, so I could go on another bus. There's a street in my city in which all the buses you can get on lead to the mall, so I just took one of them.
Eventually, this dude gets on, clearly older than eighteen. I didn't think much of him until he stood beside me on the bus, and stood uncomfortably close to me, and since I was sitting, either his junk or ass was in close contact with my face.
The guy spoke in the way that adults spoke to little kids. You know, purposefully raising their voice, stuff like that. Maybe that was his natural way of talking, but it still kind of threw me off guard.
The first question he asked me was something like "do you know Sandra?" or some name. Of course, I had zero idea who 'Sandra' was so I just told him "sorry, I don't,".
I thought he had confused me for someone else, which is fine, whatever, but he continued speaking to me.
He then asked me "does this bus go to the mall?" which really then raised my suspicion of him. All the buses on that road went to the mall, so that made no sense. Maybe he didn't know this, but then why would he go on a bus he knew nothing about? If he was looking for reassurance, why would he ask me and not the bus driver? Because I might know Sandra?
I told him "yeah, it does" and even then he didn't stop, might I remind you he seemed fine shoving his junk into my face.
He then asked me if I went to university, which didn't come off as creepy as it probably was. He seemed to be going to university, and I mean, maybe I did too? I think I look pretty young, but I'm not one to judge that.
The last thing we talked about before I got off the bus was my age. He didn't seem to be following me off, which made the bus question even more strange. However, I was a bit relieved that he didn't get off. My anxiety was shooting through the roof. Maybe he was just an awkward, weird dude. Which, if he was, whatever, cool.
My other bus was already waiting, so I swiftly changed into it. It left a few seconds later, but as it was, I looked out the window, and saw him. He was running towards the bus.
At this point, I had to think about what I should do. Should I tell the bus driver to stop, or do I not say anything?
I had to try my best to piece everything together. Sandra, weird as hell. Mall question, weird as hell, but he did get off the bus. Why didn't he get off sooner? The second bus was only a few steps away, and it stayed that way for about thirty seconds. How could he have possibly had managed to be late to a bus like that?
I eventually decided to stay nothing. It seemed to me that he actually had no intentions of going somewhere specific, and he was just planning on creeping. He only was late for the second bus because he didn't want to seem like he was following me.
I felt a little bit bad about this initially, but now I feel like an asshole. Maybe I am just overthinking it? | HISTORICAL | {
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OgRZkhAXirBV0f3nYYLZTRyMFavkw5za | avdg3o | {
"description": "not wanting a relationship with my mom's new boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting a relationship with my mom’s new boyfriend | Some context: for the past couple of years my mom was having an affair with a former coworker of hers. Eventually, she divorced my dad and he moved to Montana recently. Her boyfriend comes over quite a bit and she flaunted him around a lot when my parents were married and eventually told me and my sister that she wanted a divorce and to be with this guy. My problem is he is not my dad and I have no respect for him since he initiated the affair which is a shitty thing to do in my opinion. I have no interest in talking to this guy and I can’t stand him. I haven’t told my mom this as I feel she would get mad at me for not liking him and accusing me of not wanting her to be happy. So this ties to my question of me being the asshole.
Apologies for format I’m on mobile and sort for the length this situation has been stressing me out for months and has made quite depressed as well. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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} | RIGHT |
Qj0KPoM8HeKnLb2ELdFq2OESQyivvWU7 | b5wrfo | {
"description": "asking my roommate for more money",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my roommate for more money? | Background: I'm a university student (19F) and live in an only girl student house where everybody has their own room (mine is fairly small, double bed and a small kitchenette, and we are currently facing a mice problem)
Story: A few months ago, one of my roommates (21F) texted she had some friends visiting and asked if I would like to rent out my room for 3 days, and they would pay €150 between them and I agreed.
On the day, I left my room very clean. I left the key on my table the night before and texted her that.
The 3 days passed, and she texted me the room was a bit messy, but she would be back the next morning to clean. I wasn't mad, even though I was already planning to go home that night.
Since I had to get some things at my house I went there and saw my room. There were chips, packages and a drug snorting straw all over my floor and table. I was really mad but didn't say anything as she said she would clean the morning after.
The morning after and she texted that she had delays and would try to make it before 5:00pm to clean. I told her that it’s okay and she can just leave the money on the table.
Today I went to my house and the room was clean but only found €60 on my table.
I texted her and this is how it went:
Me: M and Roomate: RM
M: Hey, thanks for cleaning the room! I just have a question, you said your friends would pay €150 and there’s only €60 in my room, would you mind paying the rest this week?
RM: Hi, in the beginning there were more people meant to be joining, but only 3 people came so then it amounted to €60. Maybe we should have talked about the money beforehand, but less people came to visit!
M: I’m sorry but you said €150 and not an amount pp, that’s not what we agreed on because then it wasn't worth for me. Also 6 people in my room wouldn’t really fit to sum up to €150 total.
RM: I’m really sorry I didn’t realize that I hadn’t said per person, and as well if you were expecting a certain amount, I think in my head I just presumed that you had known. I know this is annoying now, yes it was meant to be 7 people between the two rooms, I can ask if they would send another €10 each!
My last message was super long, but I'll summarize the content.
If only 3 of the 7 people came, she could've fit them all in her room like her original plan and not have to pay anything at all. She never said anything about the amount of people, just the final sum of €150. I also explained that €50 pp is already cheap if compared to nearby hostels or airbnbs (which are also more inconvenient). Leaving more trash for the mice didn’t help either and I also wasn't able to sleep in my own room for 2 more nights cause of the mess. I said I can lower the price to €120, but that's already low considering I have bills and tuition fees to pay. I gave her my bank details so she can transfer me the remaining amount by the end of the week.
So AITA for asking them to pay more than what they left?
| HISTORICAL | {
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q0gjLMn9DNoaT2pXbg8GCOHi3ylbyKzs | a70qvh | null | AITA? I've been avoiding one side of my family, as not one single one of that side attended my husbands funeral. | My now late husband passed away a few years ago, he was friendly with any of my family he ever met, and good friends with my fahter and one uncle. When he passed, not a single person from my mother's side attended the funeral. I suspect some didn't attend as they didn't want to run into my father, who fell out with my mother many years ago. But they couldn't support me at my time of sorrow, even just a quick visit to the funeral home. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
u4puEQxpSpFRxmqNS62M13rzs5211Xma | ah3mhj | {
"description": "calling the police/cps on my SIL",
"pronormative_score": 826,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for calling the police/CPS on my SIL? | Going to try to make this as short as possible while including details needed.
I have been with my fiancé for 6 years. Fiancé has an older sister, we'll call her Sally, who is 28 and has a 5 year old child. I was there the day Sally was in labor and Baby was born, she is my niece. His entire family has referred to me as his Auntie since day 1. I am not blood but we are family, she calls me Auntie and we have sleepovers, zoo visits, etc.
2 years ago Sally was in rehab from drug addiction. Alcohol, pain killers, and Xanax were her thing. She had a mental breakdown and the family collected money to send her to rehab and all organized a schedule to take care of Baby. The baby's child, Sally's boyfriend, has a welding/construction job and was out of town for 2 months so he wasn't there for all of this.
She checked herself out after 3 days, insisting she was "fine and just needed a safe withdraw". I pick her up, take her to her house, and she immediately goes to smoke weed and drink a beer. I don't think weed is a drug and am very pro-cannibas although I don't smoke, but that was not appropriate considering I just picked her up from rehab.
A week later she was fired for snorting in the bathroom., evicted for being 4 months late, totaled her car driving while high and is being sued for $50k from wrecking into a house, and was kicked out of Fiancé's other sister's house for forgetting the sink was plugged up and running (she was high) and the entire downstairs was RUINED from water damage because nobody else came home for 8 hours. $20,000 of damage and thank god their house insurance covered it.
That was all last year. They've been in their new house on their own for about 6 months. In November she called FIL and said their electricity was shut off because she didn't have the money because BF's paycheck got messed up and didn't go through. He paid their late electricity bills.. a total of $500. I thought it was suspiciously expensive but kept my mouth shut. All has been quiet since.
Two weeks ago, she asked me to borrow some money to get groceries for Niece. Of course I'm not going to let my niece or sister go hungry, no matter what is going on otherwise, so I say I'll be over at 5. I got off work early and get there at 2:45. I come in using my spare key, walk in, see Niece playing with dolls in the corner, Sally passed out on the couch, and heroin on the coffee table. Unfortunately coming from a family riddled with addiction, I know what heroin looks like. I don't know how much it was, but I could have scooped it up and filled my palm with it. I noticed radiators everywhere in the front room and Niece was in multiple layers of clothes and her winter jacket. The heat was off. The house was maybe 40F - it was 30 outside.
I took Niece to my car, and called 911 for an ambulance as I was scared Sally was overdosing. I didn't want to alarm and freak out Niece so I stayed in the car and let her play on my phone until the ambulance arrived. Of course police and CPS showed up as well. I explained the situation and because Niece's dad is out of town working, FIL/MIL were called. When they arrived they were quiet and cold, didn't really talk, took Niece, and told me to go home.
An hour later I get home and fiancé asks me what I've done. I explained everything to him and all he had was anger for me. Apparently the entire family already knew and were pissed at me for what I had done. Apparently I was "out of line and stupid" because I called 911 before seeing if she was actually OD'ing because it turned out she was just nodding out from the heroin. We fought for hours and I left and spent the night at my best friend's house and cried all night. I couldn't handle it all so I turned my phone off and tried to relax and just calm down. My best friend was up all night with me, telling me I did nothing wrong, and I'm okay.
I turn my phone on and I had 65 texts/messages. MIL, FIL, SIL, fiancé, and their extended family members blaming me. They are saying I ruined her life, ruined Niece's life, made everything more complicated than it needed to be, made it public when it was a "family affair", and ruined Sally's chances of ever getting cleaned or having custody of her child again, none of them ever want to see me again and I will never see my niece again, and they want me to pay for Sally's jail bond and sue me for the CPS case and emotional damages.
I am also now single. So on top of losing my best friend of 10 years (fiancé), I will lose my apartment I had with him, what I considered my family, and my Niece.
I truly feel horrible. I have horrible anxiety to the point where I'm worried someone is going to come get "revenge" on me for what I did. I can't eat. I have lost 7 pounds from it. I'm not sleeping for shit. I have bags under my eyes. I've had 8 migraine-days in two weeks. At first I felt so confident in my decision but as the days go by I'm thinking maybe they were right and I should have checked on her before calling 911 and being frazzled. I don't care about Sally anymore, but I did rip a 5 year old child away from her parents and I feel horrible about it. I know someone in the family will take her in, but it's never like being with your parents. She will grow up resenting me for it and all I've ever done is love her as my own.
Reddit, AITA? Please help me. The guilt is eating me alive. | HISTORICAL | {
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9HSShdcJVr5gpCUu5vbvL2N67XTVDPKa | agbfs1 | {
"description": "leaving my roommate's plant destroyed by my cat after I warned her",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA: Leaving my roommate’s plant destroyed by my cat after I warned her? | First time poster so please let me know if I am not following the rules.
TLDR; I warned my roommate to close her door to prevent my cat from entering and messing with her stuff. She didn’t and my cat knocked over a plant. Would I be the asshole for leaving it?
Importantish backstory: this roommate and I are finishing our lease only on “amicable” terms. After much bickering of her leaving bags of trash in the apartment hallway and also being unwilling to pay utilities, we barely even say hello to each other. I stay polite and try not to make her feel uncomfortable space though. She currently is also living out of town at her significant other’s parents for the majority of the week. I only see her for a portion of the weekend, if that.
There is a lot more to us being roommates and how she has wronged me. At the end of the day, I’m grateful I ended up with someone like her and not someone more disrespectful to my space and person. I don’t want to completely sour our relationship, but I would no longer call us friends-just roommates.
Now onto our story: Our apartment is not the best so both of our doors do not shut completely and can be opened with just slightly pushing on hem. My cat has discovered this and makes it a habit to immediately open my roommate’s door whenever he sees it’s closed. This is something my roommate is aware of and complained about to me explicitly. This is on top of her ALSO having a cat who does this to me.
Last week she left chocolate out on her desk, completely in the open. He of course got into it and ate some. After barfing everywhere I rushed him to the vet. He thankfully is fine. Instead of cussing out my roommate for leaving chocolate out, I instead told her that we need to start blocking off the door whenever she leaves. I figured I couldn’t blame her immediately for her actions. This would at least prevent him from hurting himself again and possibly harming any of her stuff, as he is still a kitten.
Well after staying for the weekend and agreeing to the plan she left. This morning I woke up to my cat chilling in her room and a plant splattered on the carpet. I’m talking dirt everywhere, DEEP in the carpet. At this point I have been very jaded with her actions and behavior. I feel no sympathy after the panic attack it was finding an emergency vet in a town of 5,000 at 8:30 pm.
Because of this I need honest judgement: WIBTA for leaving that plant, pretending I never saw it, and reminding her that we agreed on keeping the door closed when she brings it up. I feel like I’m not responsible for my cats actions after explicitly warning her and us agreeing.
I know this is inconsequential roommate and girl drama, but I would appreciate some answers on if I am being as much of an asshole as I feel like I am. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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4HGm2y4EjwjyyyHg6WHIHiU5CrvyZ5F8 | 9tzui7 | {
"description": "blocking my uncle on Facebook Messenger",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for blocking my uncle on Facebook Messenger | Me and my uncle are pretty close and not in weird way, since he's only a few years older than me. We both have a lot in common and we have each other's backs, we're more like friends than uncle and nephew to be honest.
Last night, we were talking using the Messenger App, talking about memes, joking around and whatnot. When he said something that caught me off guard. I'm not gonna lie it was kinda stupid but it was something my sister used to tell me when I was younger to bully me. I told him how it made me feel and that if he could, he'd stop using that term. But he didn't. Instead he kept using it in a mocking term so told him I'd stop talking to him for a while because of how upset I was. Well I guess I was really upset, because I ended up blocking him on the app. A couple minutes later he texts me (which is something we rarely do) and says I upset him and that he's disowning me for blocking him, he also said to never talk to him again.
I know this seems shallow, since we're both adults but I really don't know what to feel about this. Sorry for the formatting btw, I'm using the reddit app. | HISTORICAL | {
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TcdX1h0THn8KNzaiaFzft5hbzHyULz9f | 9yrvph | {
"description": "asking for my money back",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking for my money back? | My ex girlfriend and I were together for 3 years, and lived together for nearly the entirety of the last year together. We ended very amicably. The spark just wasn't there anymore and it just died.
So, during the time we lived together, we were very much in love and expected a long lasting relationship together. As is normal for when 2 people move in to a house together (from moving out of their parents), we purchased furniture on finance. A corner sofa, TV stand, coffee table, and a spinning single-couch.
Fast forward to when we break up and I move out within the month, as I had a military barracks I could stay in. She remained in the house with the furniture, and I loaned her £700(my standard half of the monthly house upkeep), to help with rent and the next months bills. This was August '17
I was never really concerned *when* I got the money back, so long as I did. We were still very close, so I didn't care and wanted to help her out.
Go ahead a couple of months, we're both happy, single, and living our lives. As you'd expect, we didn't talk much anymore, but were still good. I'm a computer engineer by trade and she asks if I could go over to her new place and help her with her laptop.
She explains that the furniture we got on finance together is still in our old home and she was hoping I would take it off her hands. My parents needed a new sofa, and this was pretty much exactly what they wanted, so I did. Happily. Now, as for payment of the sofa, which was still ongoing, she suggested she pays for it until she has paid back the £700 that she owed me through the monthly repayments of around £50. I was more than happy to oblige, and took the furniture from the old house, gave it to my parents and that was that. At this point, I figured there was only about £700 left to pay on the sofa, so I told her to let me know how much was left, as it was all in her name. This is around November '17.
Fast forward to April of this year, and I get a call off her, asking to take the payments off her hands, and that there was around £2000 left to pay. To my disbelief, I asked to see some paperwork to prove this amount was needed to be paid... and it was. I grossly misjudged the amount left to pay, I know.
Anyway, I explained that I wanted her to pay off what else she owed me and I would happily over take the rest of the payments. My parents had the furniture and rightly so, I would have to pay for it. She didn't like this. She called me selfish and explained that she was in a new position in work and couldn't afford to pay for it. Her attitude towards me was pretty hurtful. Calling me selfish because if we didn't split, I would still be living there, and it was *my* choice to move out. kinda hurt. considering it's what people tend to do after splitting up, is move out.
I try to be fair and she spent 3 years with me, so it hit me deep. I decided not to play ball and told her to keep paying until August, when her side of the bargain was complete, and I'd message her to take over the payments. She called me a few things and I didn't hear from her until I messaged her in August, as promised.
I'm now paying for the sofa (via her), and have been since August and we're all good. We talk now and again, send eachother memes and shit and have both moved on to new partners.
I have no bitterness towards her, but it still bugs me that she called me selfish, when I was trying to be anything but that. Kinda made me question my other moments of self-perceived selflessness, and think otherwise.
So, was I an asshole to her? She's paid me back now and it's all over with, but it still pops to mind now and again.
| HISTORICAL | {
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PTLT6OChiHy9vpzbkHrzuF8GRiZ6QZCX | at4jw7 | {
"description": "not telling my mom that my grandfather passed away because I knew she wanted some of the estate",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not telling my mom that my grandfather passed away because I knew she wanted some of the estate? | This story needs a lot of context so buckle up. So my parents have been separated since I was a kid and I grew up with my (awesome) single dad. My mom was (and still is) a crazy narcissist with a bit of redeeming qualities that make her bearable. When my parents were still together she was abusive and living with her sucked. I know now that she is a survivor of sexual abuse and a generally fucked up childhood so I have worked on understanding and forgiving her but our relationship over the years has been fraught, including a couple of times that I’ve gone NC.
When I was 22 my dad passed away suddenly, leaving no will (or money to his name because disabilities suck). Unfortunately my parents were still legally married so not only can she call herself a widow, but she is also able to collect his Canadian pension (total bullshit since she cheated on my dad and left with the guy on his Harley in the most dramatic way possible 15 years prior). I guess she was grieving, but when I think about it all I can remember is her basking in the attention of being a widow. She talks about him now and cries. I really don’t know whether she’s just putting on a show or not, but it seems genuine and like I said I’m really trying to love her so I’m taking her at face value.
About a year ago my paternal grandfather passed away and I knew there was going to be some drama about the 6 figure estate so I didn’t tell her. She has implied for years that she “deserves” part of my grandparents estate. This has always made me furious. She already collects my dads pension, its been 8 years since he died so that’s almost 30k in money that she did absolutely nothing for!
Finally today she asked me out of nowhere whether my grandad was still alive. I didn’t want to lie about it so I told her yes, it was a bit ago and I didn’t want to bring it up. First thing she asked was “Well what happened to the estate?” so I told her it’s gone (truth, it’s settled, she soa) and that I didn’t really want to get into it. She immediately started crying and acting like I just stabbed her in the back or something, telling me she ought to just never call me again, that I must not want her around. I know what she’s doing, but I still feel terrible. I was involved in the divvying of the estate and ended up getting 1/3 of it. She would absolutely lose her shit if she found out what I received. I don’t think she would ever forgive me because I’m guessing she would think I “stole” it from her. I don’t even think any of this stuff with my paternal grandparents is her business at all but she seems to think it is (and that my exclusion of her implies we’re not family). Honestly I just want to have a normal relationship with my mom, but she is making this almost impossible. Did I cross a line by not including her? Am I the asshole?
Tl;dr AITA for not disclosing my paternal granddads death to my mom so she could try and fight for “her share” of their estate?
| HISTORICAL | {
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jsnUXM6c7DdtNvXp4TYgrr9j8XABYrSg | b4lli3 | {
"description": "not wanting to talk or see my dad again",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to talk or see my dad again | To set the scene i live in the uk and my dad wasn't great. He was only home 3-4 days a week, he was not nice to me or my brother( once he called mu bro a c*nt because he ran away when my dad could of hurt him) , my dad may of cheated on my mum and has emotionally and physically abused her.
Well in 2016, my dad picked me up from a recent trip from my ex secondary school (more about that later) and when we eventually arrived there was a big arguememt. Big enough for me to have to call the police. In this arguement he had assualted my mum and threatened to kill her plus threatened for a divorce. He had to be taken away in police car and my mum later filed for a divorce.
From then on he sent messaging stating why i called the police and later on saying its not my fault. He took me out to movies and stuff but he would always be late or wouldn't come at all. He would send messages deatiling rude things abput my mum and lied about having prostate cancer. In this time he had even called my uncle a pedofile for no reason.
Recently i had stayed over at his place and he had me write something about staying with him every week which may just be a way for him to not pay so much child support. My brother had also went to a trip to italy.
When my bro got backed we recieved a call from my aunt stating stuff that i wasnt allowed to stay at her house and he thereatend her.
That was yesterday when we recieved that call. Keep in mind i am 13 right now but AITA. | HISTORICAL | {
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NOY9msh1vaim83aIPxNb19aWkmVYXp0d | 9uq04o | {
"description": "feeling annoyed at my friend for wanting to play a song better than me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for feeling annoyed at my friend for wanting to play a song better than me? | Basically, I showed my friend this piano song I really wanted to learn how to play ( the song is nuvole bianche by ludovico einaudi if you're interested ) but he said he thought I would never be able to play it ( which is not unjustified, as i recently started playing ).
So after a while I managed to learn the song and i then showed it to him, and he said something along the lines of "I'm gonna learn it and play it better than you", Which was annoying to me as up till then he didn't even show any interest in the song until i played it.
AITA for getting annoyed at this? | HISTORICAL | {
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5KDLNM6XstQTaGzHMINqZLc6ueIeUKXH | 9u06mt | null | AITA for a silly argument I had with a family member about my music tastes and dress? | This happened a few hours ago and I'm leaving it to reddit's judgement as to who was the asshole. Just for clarification the other person I've called A and they're a family member. I'm also female.
I'm a metal fan, and whilst it used to just be a casual thing I have found myself getting more and more into it, to the point I'm actually planning on writing my own music and perhaps setting something up of my own solo project writing RABM (hence the username).
On the reverse, although I don't think my taste for metal has anything to do with it, a lot of the music I used to love now just doesn't interest me, at least not in the same way it used to do, or isn't a major thing for me.
With it, I've spent a fair whack of money on stuff like going to see metal shows, band merch (am wearing my Sabaton shirt right now), CDs and books, savings to go to a couple of festivals (I want to go to Wacken) and some other stuff including my own musical interests. As far as I'm concerned, this isn't any different to someone spending their money on going to the cinema, buying makeup, eating out or anything else. However I wanted and still want to avoid being 'that metalhead' type of person so I've never gone totally OTT about it- usually it's just the case I'm wearing a band shirt or something with jeans or that I've got on some random metal album on in the car. I'm certainly not walking around dressed in all black with corpsepaint and spikes.
Skip forward to the argument. A was in the house and was messing around on YouTube. I can't remember how it started as such, but IIRC shed played some song she knew I'd enjoyed previously and then asked why I'd not mentioned the band for some time. The conversation then went like this:
>A: so how come you don't listen to them now?
>me: I don't know, they're just not a band I listen to any more. My music tastes have changed.
>A: But why? You used to listen to them all the time!
>me: (getting annoyed) Look, my music tastes have changed and now I prefer listening to mostly metal.
>A: oh God....why?
This continued in the same vein for some time, with us going around in circles. I was really just getting really hacked off with all of this as A simply couldn't understand why I didn't listen to stuff any more. In some cases she brought up music I liked when I was 13 and which I haven't listened to in the better part of about 15 years or so.
Then she changed tack and said:
> well you could at least wear something other than those awful band shirts? I mean, you're supposed to be a girl!
>me: yeah, and? It's a shirt. I choose to wear it because I **want to** wear it. The only person who's so far taken any issue with it is you, for some stupid reason because you personally don't like metal and so think that should apply to everyone about everything. Me being female is totally irrelevant to any of this!
The argument went on like this for probably another 10 minutes. I argued that aside from the fact I can't help liking what I like, it's also not my problem if she wants to act like I haven't moved the fuck on with not just music tastes but my life in general. Her argument seemed to be that I was getting 'too involved' in it, with her pointing out I was never as fanatic about any of the other music I've listened to.
So, AITA or A? | HISTORICAL | {
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G5tsBr7RGUIvAYaffyBpQ4MbxDHh4Jep | ag2drx | {
"description": "trying to reject someone in a subtle way",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for trying to reject someone in a subtle way | I’m gay. We’re both girls in this story.
There was this girl I went out with uhh like 7 times? And she was okay, but I couldn’t see being her girlfriend. She sent me a text like every day and I was getting kind of tired of it. I wanted to reject her but she was nice enough and we weren’t official so I thought I’d do it in a nice way.
I told her I was having a rough week and attempted su*cide (censored for trigger) and couldn’t go on dates for 8 weeks because I was on suicide watch. She was all oh my god are you okay and saying no no it’s okay health is #1 and I was saying thank you, she said she was there if I needed anything and I thought ok, this is where it ends.
But she kept messaging me almost every day, except now more stuff like “I hope today’s not too bad” and “how are you?” stuff. And she would send memes. I started conversations every now and then too but not as much.
Then she asks me if I’m busy over the weekend and I’m like wtf, I already said I was on suicide watch. So I go “oh I don’t know which day I’m free because I’m going camping with my family” hoping she’s gonna get the hint. And she says oh okay, that sounds fun and I go “maybe you can come” but like in a vague way, she says sure just let me know which day soon so I can figure out my weekend. I never told her the day or talked about the “trip” and hoped she’d forget about it.
I try being more distant and it’s not working because she keeps worrying about me. Eventually she says she’s gonna give me space and promises she still likes me and is here for me, and I don’t respond. Then she calls me. And double texts. And triple texts saying “that’s alright, maybe I misunderstood, good luck with everything and cya”. I felt bad so I said I don’t know about my health and after a while stopped responding to her.
She texts me again, in barely like a week, asking if we could be friends and how I’m feeling. I say I’m better and she’s like “wow awesome!” and I don’t respond. But my read receipts are on and even when I ignore her sometimes she double texts me. She asks me to hang out again and I say my schedule is so crazy for the next three months I don’t know (which obviously doesn’t go with the suicide watch thing... but she doesn’t get it) and she’s like you know, I really meant what I told you and really thought we were friends, and I don’t know what it is on your end, which sucks.
I felt bad and kept saying no I’m just busy but she said “then tell me when you figure it out” and I didn’t answer. She finally left me alone.
I heard a lot about ghosting these days and I don’t know it makes me feel kind of bad? I have anxiety and I meant well, and she had a lot of points where she could’ve taken the hint. I thought after the suicide thing she would go but she stayed and kept checking up on me. I feel bad and don’t think this makes me an asshole but also try not to talk about it. This is the first time telling the full story. | HISTORICAL | {
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ToST1Q31ek5GKkIzDXo8KO53dC9KUx8J | awqozi | {
"description": "making money off a bargain I didn't know about when I bought stuff for a friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for making money off a bargain I didn't know about when I bought stuff for a friend? | So I'll explain best as I can. Basically I was given 100 bucks to go get 4 grams of something for a friend. Then another friend wanted 4 more. That's fine 100 bucks. So I go there and I had planned to get myself same thing, 4 for 100 bucks. Well upon arrival I was told I could get a different brand but the same quality for 6 for 100. So I bought 12 and was like hell yeah. I gave them 4 each and all was good. So they found out I got the deal and got pissed and demanded I give them the extra ones. I felt that was bushit since either gave them exactly what we agreed upon and they got the exact thing but different brands of equal quality. They said they either deserve the the extra ones I got or else there would be issues. I gave three to them and kept one but I feel I didn't so anything wrong. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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Q4WOP5dkHi4jjxdkMUG4NVBQQUV8Dzf6 | ah14p8 | {
"description": "holding a person's job against them",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for holding a person's job against them? | Throwaway cause my main can be easily traced to me and I don't need that.
So I'm gay and out for about a decade now. My country is like on the fence about the whole thing, no gay marriage but they're not hanging us so that's something I guess. Our government that is here to stay for a long time is the typical fake religious hate-mongering populist kind. The government TV channel is constantly blasting propaganda on all sorts of topics. Obviously one of them is homosexuality. They call gay people sick or mentally ill, they say pride marches are aggressive and harmful, they advocate conversion therapy. The works.
One of my close family members works at the government TV channel, and I'm not talking like they're the receptionist or a cleaner or the one fixing the copy machine. They are like IN it making the shows (think like writer/editor/producer level involvement).
Whenever this topic comes up they are quick to say that they don't agree with it and that they do not believe these things, but I cannot phantom that a person can do this with good conscience. I also know that it is not a case of "resisting from the inside" cause the government is notorious for firing people who voice differing opinions (and they have many lost wrongful termination to show for it).
By no means do I want to tell them to quit or anything (even though there are dozens of non-government TV channels so it's hardly that there is no other option) it is their life and they live as they choose. If you want to do this and be it, then own it so I know where I stand with you. I can't help feeling that this person is insincere, untrustworthy and just an all around shitty person for doing this and being part of the "system", while rejecting any criticism or responsibility (just a reminder that homosexuality is just one of the topics here, there is also blatant racism, xenophobia and sexism on this channel). However whenever this topic comes up, other family members say that I am overreacting, because they are just doing their job and it doesn't define them as a person.
So my question is, AITA for being distrustful towards this person, not wanting to associate with them and basically not treating them as "family"? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
4mi0KLxtb53mzdZjsLDH3NlAJcvgbFpv | 9xzhna | {
"description": "wanting to get better at a hobby",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For wanting to get better at a hobby? | So I have these 2 friends who are around my age. I am a 25[M] and they are also male. We play this TCG called Yugioh. Now my friends have been playing on and off for about 10 years and I just started about a month ago.
I tell them that I am interested in playing and they encourage me so I start looking online for kinds of decks I can play and decide on a couple to make.
One of my friends is, I guess, a "purist" about the game. He does not get new cards, does not adapt to the new format, and uses very old cards. We will call him "A". The other friend is "B". B gets new cards, reads up on what is being played at tournaments and keeps up to date with the current metagame.
When we play against each other, we play a 1v1v1 style which is very casual. We keep it pretty loose and sometimes we argue about card rulings and interactions but for the most part it is a pretty good atmosphere. It is important to note that when we play 1v1v1, A usually comes out winning with his older cards.
Recently I have been looking into a new deck that incorporates newer type cards and B is encouraging because now he can use his newer cards as well.
A tells us that we need to stop buying newer cards so he can stay competitive. I kind of laugh it off and say that he wins most of the time anyway and losing is getting old. He goes on to say that we don't have an equal standing and that our (myself and B) decks are too aggressive as opposed to his. I don't think it's fair that he wants to tell us what cards to play and things like that but I don't tell him this. It could be because he wants to keep winning but he has said that he would rather lose and be competitive. I am not sure if I buy that. He says that we can get newer cards but we are slowly pushing him away from playing.
I don't really know what else to say at this point.
I like playing and I want to experiment with new play styles but I feel like I am alienating someone as a result of it.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iaHH4U59FFVQ4IdoxQ6oqfrUTFPvLq3f | aa5iny | {
"description": "calling the cops on my friend when I thought they were in danger, and then being angry at her after I found out she was okay",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling the cops on my friend when I thought they were in danger, and then being angry at her after I found out she was okay? | Before I went to bed on Christmas night, I was added to a group chat with 3 other people (all men) by my friend (who is also a woman). She messaged us and said, "If I don't get back to you guys at midnight, call the police." She then left an address in the chat.
I was very confused and was asked what was going on. One of the guys in the group tells us that she was messaging some guy on Tinder and decided to go over his house. Weird that she's asking us to do this on Christmas night of all nights, but I get it, she doesn't celebrate it. My other girlfriends and I ask each other to watch out for each other when we've gone on tinder dates in the past but we've never had to call the police before.
15 minutes past midnight we all call and text her and get no response. The guys insist that she was probably okay and we don't need to call the cops. I get really frustrated by this, thinking that they don't understand that women do this stuff all the time (asking each other if they make it home okay after a night out/on a date, and have plans to call the police if they don't get back). I tell them that if she asked us to call the police if she doesn't get back to us, then we should. I volunteer myself to call the police as a result.
I call the non-emergency line to the police and let them know what happened. Right as they were about to send people over, she texts us that she's okay. I apologize to the police and tell them she's alright.
TURNS OUT SHE SIMPLY FORGOT TO GET BACK TO US. But she also said she didn't get our calls (which I'm pretty sure is a lie, because I was able to connect to her voicemail and have a log of the call going through to it). She ended up going over to the guy's house and just cuddled with him and lost track of time. Her exact words were "Oh God. It's 12:20. Thank you and sorry." I am livid. I tell her she wasted my time and kept me up (she also kept my boyfriend up and we had an early flight to catch), and left the chat.
I am so fed up at this point. There has been a bunch of things she's done in the past where use uses me as an emotional crutch or has forced me to be the "responsible friend." This is basically the final straw and I decided that it wasn't even worth confronting her about this any further. She's been posting on social media and talking to all our mutual friends as if nothing has happened at all, which makes me even more upset.
I am worried I am being unfair/overreacting too much by deciding to just cut her out as a friend, so that's why I'm here.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3LnmSO9dW9qXyBlHulNyEhgxJO0p7ECj | ankoim | {
"description": "asking loud and all around dickish roommate to shut up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA Asking loud and all around dickish roommate to shut up | Ok, so there is a lot of backstory on this one, so strap in. Also, FTP and that stuff.
Key:
R: Roommate
M: Me
​
So, I live at a boarding school and recently switched rooms at the request of R into his room because R was a friend, and R didn't want a new kid. I agreed because I thought R would be a fun person to room with and because I thought that the room was a better room for me and actually doing my work (I have issues with that). So I move in right before a break and everything is fine. For that one night. When we return from break, R starts harassing me about every little thing I do, from being in the room a lot, to not showering. Now granted, both were rather problematic for me, because I have serious anxiety around those things in particular and am currently working through them. I relay this to R, as at the time, I still considered R my friend. R responds with: "What are you gonna do? Cry?" and calls me overly sensitive. This, obviously, pisses the fuck out of me, and I flip on R. I try to change rooms here, but no response from the higher-ups. I decide, since at one point I thought of R as a friend, I would try to mend things between us, and talk with R. R says they will stop nitpicking me and is sorry, and I was satisfied with that, but still rather pissed. R didn't actually stop.
So, that was all backstory, but it's important for the actual story where I feel like I might have been an asshole. So throughout my entire time with R as my roommate (about a month and a half now), R has refused to use headphones, or even turn his volume down on anything, and when R claims to turn it down, R turns it down maybe one bar, so almost no difference. Today, with my already annoyed demeanor towards him due to the above back story, I decided I had had enough, so I snapped when R was playing on an NES rom with the volume super loud. The convo went as follows:
M: Hey man, could you please turn down your volume, It's really loud and annoying. (this wasn't said very kindly, as I was pretty pissed)
R: (doesn't say anything but gets up and visibly presses the volume down button once.)
M: Dude, that's not turning the volume down, it's still super loud.
R: I can barely hear it! (If R was telling the truth, R is deaf, since I could hear it loudly and clearly through my headphones that were playing music rather loudly)
M: Then could you put headphones on?
R: The TV (it was a large computer monitor, not a TV) Doesn't allow headphones, and my headphones are broken anyways.
M: Then you need to turn your volume way down, as It is annoying and distracting me from what I'm doing.
R: (Not very happy) I've had a harder month than you can possibly imagine, so you can shut the fuck up. (He tries to guilt everyone into letting him do anything by constantly saying his life is way worse than any of ours could ever be, so I ignore this comment)
M: It's common courtesy to not be super loud in a dorm and use headphones or turn your volume off.
R: When I was watching Doctor Who earlier, it was much louder than this (I had asked him repeatedly to either put on headphones or turn the volume off while he was watching doctor who, on account of it being louder than the NES was now)
M: And I asked you to turn the volume off on that too. And here it is just pointless sound effects, no dialogue, so please just turn it off.
R: (Flips me off)
M: I'm going to email the dorm head, as your current behavior is definitely not ok (Total BS, I had no plans on getting them involved on something that should be so basic.)
R: (seems scared by this and turns the volume down a considerable amount, but it is still louder than my music, which was on rather loud for me.)
M: I can still clearly hear it over my music that I'm listening to.
R: Then turn your music up
M: What, and blow out my eardrums? It is considered common sense that you remain respectful of your roommate and use headphones, or not use sound.
R: (Flips me off, but does turn down the volume to where I can barely hear it, even though I still can hear it)
Now, this is where I think I might have gone off the deep end into assholeness. I was done with him and decided to get pedantic.
M: I can still hear it, why don't you just turn it off if you can't use headphones.
R: I can barely hear it!
M: Then you must be deaf, I can hear it over my music
R: (Pretends to turn the volume down, I see this) There that better?
M: You didn't turn it down at all just turn the fucking volume off.
R: Fuck you, I did turn it almost off.
M: No you didn't, you didn't even touch the volume button.
R: (Turns it almost all the way off, but I can still hear it, maybe I just have super hearing, idk) There, I turned it off.
M: No you didn't I can still hear it clearly (I couldn't but I could kind of hear it) just turn it off.
R: Fine (decides he should test me) you close your eyes, I'll switch games, and you tell me when I've changed.
M: (I close my eyes, he switches to super mario bros) Dude, I can clearly hear SMB playing.
R: Fuck off and get your head out of your ass
M: don't be a dick and just turn it off
R: (Finally turns the volume off) There, happy?
M: Thank you. ( goes back to what I was doing, but then had the feeling I might have been a total asshole and decide to post the story here to see) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
wS8KM3jSPtPKvgc1kem9OyYH9VGJkFxw | aucylz | {
"description": "doing something my girlfriend hates subconsciously",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for doing something my girlfriend hates subconsciously? |
## Girlfriend tends to hit me during arguments.
📷
Me (25M) and my girlfriend (22F) were watching a movie. I was holding her ankle with my hand and without knowing I was rubbing it with my finger, I tend to do that sometimes subconsciously and my girlfriend hates it.She has told me several times to stop doing it, but sometimes I just can't help myself and start doing unconsciously. After she told me to stop, I apologized and said that I did not notice that I was doing it. She was angry at me that I did it in the first place and started to rub my neck with her finger to "pay me back". After some time she said "How do you like it?", since at that point I was annoyed that she did it, I said "I like it a lot" then she answered "ok then" and proceeded to rub my neck for the next 5 minutes, knowing fully that I did not like it. After I did not pay attention for some time, she started rubbing my face to get me more annoyed, I told her to not rub my face, then she started to rub near my ear, I told her to stop because the sound is annoying. Then she told me why should she stop when I do it to her. I said you already did more to me than I did to her.
Then she told me to back off from her (we were cuddling up until that point). I backed away and she started to play with her phone and not watch the movie with me. Then I asked her why is she not watching the movie with me, she told me to "fuck off" and leave me alone. I said to her "It is not fair that you are acting like this, since I apologized and let you have your revenge, then she told me to shut up and I repeated to her that it is not fair. She then got very angry and got very annoyed by me and kicked me in the face, it is not the first time she hit me. Usually when I annoy her she hits me and tells me it is my fault since I did not back off and ignored her warnings, so I have accepted that it was my fault. This time instinctively I hit her in her leg (Throughout our 3 year relationship I have hit her 3-4 times including this one and I don't hit with my full force as I do not want and hate to hit her at all) and then she got more angry. I told her it is not fair what she is doing and called her stupid, then she grabbed hear earbuds and told me "call me stupid one more time and I will hit you", so of course I called her stupid and she hit me,then I did it again. She said for every time you call me stupid "I will hit you" so I kept calling her stupid and she kept hitting me until hear earbuds broke. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
JggnwCZH687Us3oO4vcclAt2gcNLlS8K | acf41h | {
"description": "not wanting to burden my gf with my problems",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to burden my gf with my problems? | My girlfriend and I are in a argument right now and she's very upset that I was telling a friend ( a guy btw) about my problems instead of putting them on her. She has lots of stuff to be stressing about already ( school, work, being sick ect) and I didn't want to overwhelm her with my bs too ( emotional problems from old friends and daily day to day stresses) . And now she's saying she feels worthless cuz I wouldn't tell her, and I can't seem to convince her that I'm sorry (at least for tonight) I just want you guys opinion on this matter. Thanks | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ijwXUgidkXGAkm3BWvUdaaRm4qDurCBa | b2ox2s | null | AITA for Friend's Pity Party Ruining My Fun and Me Being Upset? | So Im (f13) and I have a friend a year older than me that lives in my neighborhood. We often hang out. She has severe depression and anxiety. She recently dif some bad things but is overcoming, along with my huge amount of effort to help her.
I was enjoying my spring break when she texts me: (Shes H btw)
H:You Home?
Me: Nah
H: Wyd
H:Being Awesome?
H: I'm not
H: I'm lonely
I kinda feel pity from her and it's obvious she's trying to make me feel sad for her. I was just trying to have a good rest of the day, so I got upset but didn't express that towards her.
She always tries to pity me with her 'bad life' and loneliness. She has a girlfriend too, so she's not exactly friendless and lonely. She can jump from person to person when dating (like really fast) and still complains. Her parents will do nice things for her and then upset her a bit and she'll complain to me. I'm tired of her pity party of complains.
I've helped her a lot too, I helped her when she got cheated on, through bad times with her parents, etc. I've given her a lot for these pity parties. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I'll upset her and make her cut, especially if I end out friendship. AITA for feeling this way about it even though I try my best to make her happy but I am upset? What should I do?
TLDR: My best friend texts me sad things to pity me even though she has many good things, and it makes me upset.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3PE1FyyFK53Ys40wU2Y2yHQPKLS1RjTA | akl1by | {
"description": "refusing to participate in my family's religious practices despite working at a church",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to participate in my family's religious practices despite working at a church? | I'll start this out by stating that my family is religious. I am not.
I am studying music in university, and to help cover some of my tuition, I have been working part time as a musician and section lead with a local united church. My early music training was largely in the Anglican choral tradition, and much of what I learned then translates into my work now. I am well equipped for the job, regardless of my personal beliefs or lack thereof.
My mother has been making efforts to reinsert faith into our family's regular life in the form of prayer, bible study, and discussions. I humoured her by sitting in for a while, but for a number of reasons, it became an ultimately uncomfortable, and unpleasant experience, instead of a positive family gathering.
I have not been participating in these routines for about two months now. My mother has been putting pressure on me concerning my views, and I've been rather resistant to participating. She uses my job as an argument to claim I have "emotional turmoil" and that I need to join in (I work there because it pays well enough and the music style is both familiar and what I'm good at.) and setting aside the religious points she's been arguing, she's also been saying I am keeping the family from coming together as a whole.
I don't judge people based on the fact that they are religious, but neither do I see any reason in participating in someone else's practices/traditions. It seems disrespectful to people who do believe and disingenuous for me to join in prayer to a god I don't believe in.
TL;DR am I the asshole for not joining in family worship despite working at a church to pay tuition? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KkEDYK0D0kSLpaBvq15KJvb5eBR4r6ab | b6c2k5 | {
"description": "stealing my college roommate's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for stealing my college roommate’s girlfriend? | I went through high school as a very shy kid who had self-esteem issues and social anxiety. I hoped to break out of my shell in college, but failed and latched onto the first person I was put into a group project with. He asked if I wanted to room with him the next year and I accepted without realizing his new girlfriend would be spending most nights with us. My roommate and his girlfriend remained together through the next 3 years, and we all basically lived together through all of it.
I spent a lot of time as their third wheel. I was fine with it for the first year or so, but progressively became more and more miserable. My attraction for his girlfriend grew as I learned more about her. We had very similar interests, beliefs, and awkward personalities. All of which clashed with my roommate. I distanced myself from her as much as I could out of respect for my roommate to the point of not even speaking directly to her. During senior year I hit what I feel was rock bottom. I was severely depressed and had picked up some bad habits.
It all boiled down to Valentine’s Day of senior year. My roommate decided he’d rather attend a school sporting event, so her and I went with a mutual friend to see a band we liked that was playing not too far away. It was when we returned that I decided I had waited long enough, and I told her that I had a crush on her all this time. I didn’t intend to get anything in return. I just felt like getting it off my chest would make me feel better. To my surprise, she revealed to me that she had the same feelings for me and was unhappy with her current relationship.
She broke up with my roommate, and her and I started spending time together to get to know each other better. It was at this stage that the ex became very controlling. He would constantly text her asking where she was and who she was with if she wasn’t home, and he repeatedly told her to stay away from me. If he found us together in private, he would begin throwing stuff around the apartment in fits of rage.
We began officially dating a month later, and I had finally felt pure happiness. Unfortunately, he put 2 and 2 together a few days before graduation, and his fit of rage erupted into a physical altercation with me after I got in between him yelling at his ex. The last few days there were incredibly hostile, and move out came immediately after graduation.
Fast-forward to the present, and her and I just celebrated four years together and we will finally (college isn’t cheap) be moving in together in a month. I am still deeply in love with this girl and have every intent to spend the rest of my life with her. Needless to say, we have not heard from or spoken to the roommate since.
Is this a Cinderella story? Or am I the villain? Am I the guy that swept the girl of his dreams off her feet and lived happily ever after? Or AITA who broke the “bro code” and interfered with a long term relationship? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
v21T05XOUdXqi3wo6uoEHx0jiOHp1Wja | asjzk2 | {
"description": "upsetting my mother by telling her I had thought about inviting my mil to be at the birth of our first child",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for upsetting my mother by telling her I had thought about inviting my MIL to be at the birth of our first child? | Some context here: first trimester preg with first child, both my mother and my MIL are widwives (I know, please feel sorry for me). MIL works at the local hospital where we will most likely give birth. Mother lives in another city 4 hours away and is no longer working as a midwife, but has probably 2 decades worth of experience.
I have a great relationship with them both, and have always been very close to my mother. We only recently told our parents that we are pregnant, so its still new and settling news. My mother messaged me today asking if I want her to be there on the day, to which I said of course - but that I had also thought about asking MIL to be there too, she is very close to my husband and, I feel, close enough to our lives that having her there would be ok for me.
Mother sort of blew up about it - not exactly characteristic for her. She said it was a right of passage for mother-daughter relationships for her to be the one there and if I invite MIL then she won't feel welcome to be there/won't want to be there with her. I just like things to be fair, and its first grandchild for both of them so I thought to myself: have all the powerful women I respect with me when it happens and it will be a special time. It just made her more upset when I tried to explain why I might want MIL there.
I don't know what to do. I know we have HEAPS of time before we even think about who will be present at the birth but I don't want to offend my MIL by blocking her out just because of my mum, but at the same time I want to share that special experience with my mother. I thknk her own mother wasn't able to be at my birth, which may have something to do with it.
I just want everyone to be happy and enjoy the event. It only happens once. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xXIn2fVdF2nPu467effkCmapyH1KyXht | b5rr3f | {
"description": "asking my parents for money",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my parents for money? | I guess this falls more under the category of WIBTA, but basically I (M 21) am a broke college student attending school out of state. I just want to start off by saying that i have outstanding parents who have supported me finically and emotionally basically my whole life, and i acknowledge every day how lucky i am . I work during the summers, and had a job this fall through my school, mentoring freshman students. Fast forward to now, and I have used up the majority of my savings, leaving me with just a few hundred bucks to my name. Im looking for a job but going to school full time (Next term I'm taking 5 upper division classes), takes up a lot of time and energy, plus i deal with various forms of mental health issues (REALLY bad anxiety and depression). Money is not an issue for my parents, and im sure they would give me some money if they knew i really needed it, but i feel extremely guilty asking for a small loan, since they already do so much for me.
​
​
Thats pretty much it. It may not seem like a big deal but even thinking about asking for help makes me feel like shit, because i feel as though at this point in my life i should be more independent. To provide more context, my parents already pay for my tuition, and apartment rent. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1Hb1zSCJC9Sk1l7h1Q9ivoYTx1vQuKy3 | b52db3 | {
"description": "stopping talking to a good friend of mine after finding out she likes me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I stopped talking to a good friend of mine after finding out she likes me (read post for more details) | I’m a high school kid, so this might be petty, but bear with me. And sorry for formatting I’m on mobile.
I started at a new school about a month and a half ago. According to a lot of my friends, girls find me really attractive, so a new attractive guy at school is really interesting for girls.
Anyway, a ton of girls claim to like me, which doesn’t bother me or whatever because they have the right. I try to be nice to everyone and never hurt anyone’s feelings.
The other day, I asked out this girl who I think I really got a long with. She said she liked me, but she’d have to ask her friends about it first because there were some issues. I’ll call this girl Carly. I thought this was strange but I like her so I was fine with it.
She texts me later and says she can’t go out with me because her two friends also have crushes on me. One of them was my best friend from childhood (who I will call Jamie) who I hadn’t talk to in years until I came to this new school, and Carly didn’t tell me who the other was.I was shocked by this, but more shocked that Carly’s friends told her not to date me because of this.
Jamie and I were great friends in elementary school, until I went to private school. Now that I’m back at public school I thought we’d be able to pick up where we left of with no weird feelings or whatever, but I guess there are. I really value her friendship but this pisses me off.
WIBTA For thinking that Jamie is selfish, and not wanting to talk to her anymore for this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
POipKCl5z0WXDlAyBJZYGPKTQPr9q55r | aqp6vd | {
"description": "not helping my sister with a job application",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my sister with a job application? | My (24f) sister is in her forties, she took voluntary redundancey from work when my neice was 5 (shes now 20) and hasn't worked since.
I understand returning to work after so long is daunting, I can see she's anxious and scared. The only reason she's doing it now is because the money situation has gotten so bad that her partner can no longer support the both of them.
I know she's deeply unhappy and getting a job would be so good for her. It would give her some financial security, confidence, social interactions again. I want more than anything for her to pick herself back up.
I honestly feel for her and I've helped quite a bit. I wrote her CVs, I've written countless cover letters and helped with tons of job applications. She gets the job, works there for a week and finds a reason to quit. This has been going on for about a year. Its painful to watch.
Helping her though, is so frustrating. I feel like she puts no effort into it herself. She will message me while I'm at work "please will you write this cover letter for me, the application needs to go through today and youre better at this than me". There will be a back and forth until I just drop what I'm doing and write it.
I'm sick of it. I feel like there is no good reason why she can't do these things herself. She's a grown woman, she's by no means stupid, she's more than capeable of filling out an application or writing a cover letter.
So yesterday, she asked me to write another for her and I said no. I said "I'm more than willing to sit down and help you write it, but I'm not going to just do it for you, you need to learn to do these things yourself".
Now my entire family think I'm out of order. They say the position she's in is really hard and we need to support her and that she's only asking for help. How is she ever going to hold down a job if she cant even apply for it herself.
I feel like such an arsehole but I don't think doing whatever she asks because she finds it difficult is ultimately helping. What do you think?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8ugyTKnvHPyxU1Z0StepLG0mmxlUCzVJ | ad7zic | {
"description": "quitting my job",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for quitting my job | TLDR at bottom: I’m 30 years old, married for 10 years with two kids. A year ago my wife and I bought a home that didn’t pan out and we ended up financially in the hole. Then we had our newborn and my wife quit working. I stayed at my job for awhile before she decided to move to be closer to family. I’d heard this story before. “We’ll help you out. Blah blah.” I knew it wouldn’t happen but we moved and sold our home in order to have a support system.
Fast forward to now where her friend and her had a plan we’d all move in together. That ended up not happening and now we’re living in squalor. I took the first job I was offered, but I’m a disabled veteran from the military receiving a monthly check for disability and the physicality of this new job was too much for me. I decided to resign due to the amount of pain I was in and I’ve scheduled a medical appointment for myself.
I still receive my monthly check of nearly $1500 which is more than I get paid with this other company and helps us out financially. She took her old job back and gets paid next to nothing despite additional responsibilities. I’m still searching for something less physical while also trying to find us a place to live.
Am I an asshole?
TLDR: Quit my job due to physical limitations due to medical condition and aren’t bringing in extra income on top of disability check anymore because of it. Wife is pissed and feels I’m not contributing. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9grKmBPvtXJaIxkE3fO2UZjSqbleUcCN | b8sk71 | {
"description": "not paying rent",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not paying rent? | Some context, I'm at my bf's a lot, to the point where I cook, clean, buy groceries, etc for them. I don't mind, because I always considered it my form of payment for staying over so much. Their mother is out of town for a few years due to work so I kind of took over as "lady of the house". I've also spoken to their mom and asked if she needed help with any of the bills, that I would be happy to take one of them off her plate (she got a pay cut recently) and she rejected me, saying that I've been doing enough.
In comes bf's brother, I'll be frank, I don't like him one bit. I think he's lazy, entitled, selfish, and incompetent. Not once, has he offered to pay for groceries, but he has no problem eating the ones I've bought. Not once has he helped me with any chores, despite being the one to complain about how dirty the house is. He honestly cannot do the simplest thing without asking how to do it (prolonged dealing with a claim on an accident because he couldn't bother to flip through the packet and sign the highlighted parts). He also asks me for rent because I'm over so much, even after bf has told him that I've spoken with their mom about that. He always says that he has school work to avoid helping around the house but we hear him playing games in his room (he's a yeller). And once, I worked in the morning, deep-cleaned the house, and was feeling hungry for not eating all day, I asked bf to pick me up something since he was out picking up his brother anyway. On the way back bf told brother that they were picking something up for me and brother asked "Why?" In the "why the frick should we spend OUR money on HER" way. My bf answered, "You know, she does a lot for us, we can at least do this much and show our appreciation." To which brother said "*I* DO appreciate her" I kind of just rolled my eyes when my bf told me this.
One day, I'm chilling out because it's one of my rare days off of work and I thought I deserved it, so did my bf as he didn't really bug me and just let me relax. I call up a friend and ask her if she wanted to come over for dinner (I asked my bf beforehand and he said it was fine since it was only one friend). So she comes over and picks me up so I can buy some groceries. Before we leave bf's brother approaches me and says something like "Hey since you're over so much, do you think you could maybe start paying rent?" I'm kind of taken aback because my friend is right next to me and she knows that this has been a topic that we all thought was over. I kind of just look at my bf and my friend and walk out in shock.
My bf said that his brother wasn't too happy that I just walked away and called me rude for not replying, and saying that I SHOULD be paying rent because I'm over a lot and that I use their water/electricity. I do feel bad that I can't offer my help financially (bf refuses to take my money to use for bills no matter what) AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BNXMbTDQDPDlyPgtihcKiJE5kaNXZs0n | a25ssi | {
"description": "wanting to leave a \"restaurant\" due to stomach pain",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to leave a „restaurant“ due to stomach pain? | Okay my family (mother, father, little sister) wanted to go eat out for some weeks now, we discussed many restaurants, but in the end my mom decided on a burger place.
I had only heard about the place, that it is good, but definitely not a restaurant and more of a fast food place.
Okay before I continue I have to say that I have gastritis, one part based on stress the other we don’t know yet, I have more doctor appointments in February.
So my parents get ready to leave and I tell them maybe it’s better to bring me the food rather than going with them, because I already had a light stomachache after some convincing I tag along.
We arrive and I tell them I don’t feel so good, the stomachache has gotten worse and the thing about my stomachaches is that I have to go the toilet, otherwise it just becomes worse overtime.
The place only has 3 tables for costumers to sit and no customer toilet, so pretty much my absolute nightmare.
We get ready to order and again I tell them that I don’t feel good and probably shouldn’t eat something, my pain will get worse.
They tell me to order anyways so I do.
After some time (and my mother discussing with the „waiter“ which made everything worse), I ask if one of them could drive me home and take my food to go.
They complain „the food will be here any moment we can’t do that, go ask them if you can use their toilet“ which I absolutely didnt want. When I have these stomachaches they can take a long while on the toilet in bad cases and of course smell and so on.
So my father stands up goes up to the fucking counter and asks them if I can use their toilet.
They were so kind to say yes, but I was so fucking mad, I feel like my parents dont respect me or my wishes at all.
So I go to their toilet, well nothing happens because I feel really uncomfortable and join my parents again after 10 minutes.
Didn’t eat anything, had a really bad mood the remainder of our stay.
If we were at a fancy restaurant (which would have had toilets thus eliminating most of the problems) or something I could have understood them not wanting to leave, or drive me back, but we were only at a fast food burger place. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hpbK0UR2u1HC2texrYOilJ569b04Lw94 | ad9f6s | null | AITA for moving | So my husband and I are moving 12 hours away from our families. We just told them and they are pissed. They are pissed for one reason only and that is because they no we are trying for a baby atm. My mom and his do not want to be away from there grandkids. This would be my moms first grandkid so she wants to be around as much as possible and she feels like we took that away. We are moving for a change for us because my husband and I have been living in the same state all our lives and want something different. So AITA for moving? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fqtP4GfLQ3aWU0J4R5sVIrZodJKy98t2 | atjfh6 | {
"description": "kicking my gf out after living together for less than two months",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I kick my gf out after living together for less than two months? | Gf moved in in January. We've been dating since August. When we agreed to move in I was over the moon about it. Due to work I didn't get to spend nearly enough time with her. It was a huge mistake though.
She's always been this awesome mix of sweet and sarcasm. One of the funniest persons I've ever met and humor is my favorite trait in a person so I fell hard fast. She was living with her parents, but being 24 it was not ideal for her. So we talked and I invited her to move in.
It was like a switch flipped. Right at the beginning I noticed a change in her personality. The sweet part of her just seemed to disappear. It's been nothing, but negativity. I enjoy sarcasm, but when it's constant with no break it gets wearing. There's also a ridiculous amount of complaining. It's like she's miserable 24/7. I'm not over stating it, if there's a few minutes of silence she will break it with the most asinine complaining. She's also become really mean spirited. The way she talks about her "friends" behind their backs just makes me feel bad for them as well as makes me wonder how she talks about me behind my back.
I've tried talking to her about it a couple times, but it always ends in a fight. The last time she kinda pouted and said that she just wouldn't talk at all then, and to be honest I wasn't mad at the prospect. It didn't last very long though before she sarcastically asked me if she was allowed to talk yet.
She's just become such a pill to be around, it's draining. I don't look forward to going home after work at all anymore, and I dread weekends. I know if I tell her to pack up it's most likely the end of the relationship, but I honestly don't even know if that's a bad thing. The only thing that's holding me back a little is that there's this shred of hope that the girl I fell so hard for is still in there and this is just some phase or something. It's been less than two months, I haven't really given it a ton of time. It just feels like it's been forever. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
4QEOmvSC6daWYo8miXd7qTxo0EXc2Lbb | b89tab | {
"description": "not wanting to see a movie with my friend's dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA For not wanting to see a movie with my friend’s dad? | Me and a group of friends like to go see new movies together, like most friends. We’re all really close and these movies have been a good bonding point. It’s mainly Marvel and Star Wars and that sort of stuff. With Avengers Endgame coming up soon, we had plans to see that together for the longest time, obviously. Out of seemingly no where, my friend sends a text in the group chat that she has invited her dad to see it with us, and to get 4 tickets instead of 3 (I’m the one who gets tickets bc I’m the one who really cares about seeing it in a good format) This really rubbed me the wrong way. First of all, it made me upset she would make such a decision without consulting us, and instead of asking, she told. Secondly, I just really don’t want her dad to go. It’ll be awkward. Seeing my most anticipated movie ever with some 40+ year old guy that I barely know doesn’t sound fun to me. It’s not so much that this is a “sacred” thing, but I just know I’ll be uncomfortable. She can’t seem to understand why, which also kind of upsets me. She says that she feels bad because her dad likes seeing movies with her, but she’s always seeing them with us, which is completely understandable! But I don’t get why they can’t go see it just them two, or go another time all together. They saw Solo together, so I don’t get why this is any different. She seems upset and annoyed, but I don’t think I should have to apologize or feel bad. I don’t want to see it with her dad, and I’ve explained that I’m okay seeing it by myself, and that they can go without me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
iLG1e5AsmjaJkJOz4jjM2Bxj8khoPVGZ | a9a1l1 | {
"description": "photoshopping my brother's ex wife out of a funeral program picture",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for photoshopping my brother's ex wife out of a funeral program picture. | My brother and his ex wife recently went through a messy divorce. They stayed together through the last few years because of their kids. Once their kids grew up they decided to split and it was rather nasty.
My dad recently passed away and I was tasked with putting the program together. Now I was having a hard time finding a picture with the whole family in it, but I finally found a good one. The only problem was it had my brother's ex wife in it. I decided to quickly photoshop her out (it wasn't my best work I'll admit). Noone cared at the funeral so I figured it wasn't a big deal.
Later my brother showed the program to his kids who couldn't make it to the funeral. One of them got furious and the other cried when they noticed their mom had been photoshopped out of the picture. I did it so my brother wouldn't have to be reminded of her but was I wrong? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
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