id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
N66cWF0PKaWoIzQNCH6nIVOoBC1TxxUl | a07ebl | {
"description": "cycling on the sidewalk",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for cycling on the sidewalk? | I want to start off with saying that I know it's not a proper thing to do. But I didn't know people felt this strongly about it.
Today I was cycling omw to the store, a street I had to go through was blocked by several cars. No biggie right? Just take the sidewalk, there was nobody there anyway. As I turn the corner there is this man walking, I wanted to pass him so I could take a slope down back to the road. So I slow down. The man looks me straight in the eye and stops, making himself big and blocking the road. Now I have no way to turn and have to stop as well.
He starts yelling that I should be on the road, I try to explain to him that the road was blocked and I had to take the sidewalk for a short bit. He doesn't care and starts getting super in my face. This scared me so I started yelling back that he needed to calm down and if he could please move. He doesnt do either. I eventually turn around so I can go down the sidewalk regularly (bad for my tires but this dude was going to punch me or some shit). I am visibly upset and as I am on the road he starts yelling again because he thought I swore, i didnt. As I cycle off he tells me to take the right medicine next time.
Could I have handled it differently? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
R8dwFsZfatDwCP0nDBXBd7iFsp3dW1Hs | 9usbee | {
"description": "being physical in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being physical in a relationship? | So I dated a girl for about a month and we ended it on decent terms. I think the main reason it didn't work was personality incompatibility, but one of the things she wasn't comfortable with was how physical I was. I respect that, but I'm skeptical to see if she will ever find a guy that doesn't have physical needs (besides a castrated monk).
Discussing it with other (female) friends, from how they describe it, some guys don't have a sex drive at all. I understand that sex drives vary from person to person, but I think its fair to say that most if not all teenage guys have a pretty active one.
I kind of feel sexist? But I don't know if I should because it seems pretty black and white to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
FAndpiT9IQUrD0PD5RiSaIeIxs5nwn5s | a6ckdr | {
"description": "not looking for the original owners of a lost cat",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not looking for the original owners of a lost cat? | Throwaway just in case. I moved in to the neighborhood I'm currently living in about 3 months ago. From the get go I noticed a pretty cat around the neighborhood. I just assumed he belonged to one of the neighbors, but I noticed on several occasions how far of a range I would spot him at. The thought "Wow, they really let their cat wander" definitely ran through my head a few times. On top of that, I would see him out in the middle of the night, or when it's been really cold out recently, like below freezing. There's a pack of coyotes that make their presence known at night here, and I am super strict with not letting my own cat out past dark lest she gets picked off by them or an owl.
So a few days ago, someone posted on our local Nextdoor that a cat had been living in their window box for a few days, and could the owners please claim him. The picture they post looks exactly like this pretty cat I've seen. After no one stepped up, a few people suggested taking him to the shelter and that's when I got the urge to act. A few years ago I rescued my own cat from almost being euthanized at a shelter for developing kennel stress and becoming "unadoptable" - so I hate the thought of this cat going to a shelter. So I volunteer to the guy to foster him in my basement short term while I personally search for the owners.
So I've had this cat in my basement for 2 days now. He's heavily flea infested (which I am treating), STARVING with bones protruding out like he hasn't seen regular meals in weeks. I can't help but wonder if he was abandoned, not lost. I've thought about all the times I've seen him out in the cold already, or really far from wherever his home was. 3 months now I've been seeing him.
And, I gotta admit I've fallen kind of in love, as he's nothing but constant love and affection. He seems 100% content, shows no interest in going outside.
And so here is my conundrum. I already feel so protective over this cat. I completely adore him already. I keep having images in my head of reuniting him with his owners, then him going back to a crappy and dangerous situation. Part of me wants to totally change course and never look for the original owners and keep him. On the other hand, I feel like keeping him would be potentially stealing someone's baby. I have lost cats before and I know how heart-wrenching and painful it is to not know if your little furry one is ok, safe, alive, etc. There is no closure until you either find it or find out what happened. Would I be creating that horrible situation for someone else?
I am trying to piece together as much information as I can to determine his background, and I just don't know. All I know is that he's been out openly wandering my neighborhood for the last 3 months in the shitty cold.
So yeah, AITA for considering just keeping this cat and ensuring his care and safety at the risk of keeping him from his potential original owners?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wR4D7PhA3MXXMifFLJnUl6HUc5Vv8G75 | b15hzz | {
"description": "being annoyed with my roommate who's constantly noisy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being annoyed with my roommate who's constantly noisy? | She constantly move stuff around that sounds like she's moving furniture and she hits the walls and it's super loud. Then she turns the TV up super loud when she watches it and yells because of the basketball games and the golf that she's watching. I don't care that she's watching it but I find the noise highly disruptive and I'm getting annoyed. I have asked her several times to keep it down but it doesn't seem to do anything. She said she will but nothing ever changes. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1HKAabolihBhjBlSZhxKn8FIE7Nrw5R1 | b2iqsl | null | AITA? My GF maybe pregnant and I'm not keen on paying for the abortion... | This is my first proper post so go easy on me. I am notorious for run-on sentences
Context: I'm 19 Uni student
GF 21 senior at my Uni
We aren't living together.
​
My GF and I have been dating for about 4 months now and we're both quite serious hoping this relation ends in marriage. We had been having unprotected sex for a while, until about two weeks ago when my GF asked me to start using protection since some of her friends were getting pregnant and got her shook.
She had gotten pregnant once in high school (where the guy's parents paid for the abortion) and so I understood that she did not want to go through that shit again so I agreed. We went to the drug store together and she suggested we got the really thin one so it'll still be good. (They are suuuper expensive for a uni kid living alone in a foreign country, like $10 for a box of 5). Anyway. We got back and started getting at it. It was my first time in a while using a condom and so I may not have been the best at putting it on but after some fumbling about I managed to put it on and we went at it.
Skipping the fine details of the sex, the condom was broken when I pulled out I had already finished believing the condom was an almighty balloon. I freaked out A LOT and it got super awkward really fast. It was about 2 days after her period so the chance of getting pregnant wasn't astronomically high, however the possibility was still very much there.
We talked about what we should do and I strongly suggested that she got the day after pill as even if the chance was not that high it's much better than having to go through an abortion. A day after the sex she told me that she wasn't in a great mood because she was tired from going to the Gynecologist which I simply had assumed the visit was for the day after pill (we live in Japan and you need to have it prescribed).
She messaged me today saying that she isn't feeling well since 3 days ago which match up to her ovulation and we're freaking the fuck out that she maybe pregnant. Turns out she hadn't taken the pill. Going to the main point of this if she is pregnant, I'm not massively keen on paying for the abortion, like I've mentioned before I'm a broke Uni student and my GF is living with her parents and is decently well-off. I will be fine paying a portion of the costs of course, but I feel like she should have taken the pill and it's not exactly my fault for the condom breaking. Maybe I'm just freaking out early and it isn't actually a pregnancy.
idk...
am I the asshole?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 44,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 67
} | WRONG |
8goBZnXM5vsssYzpRoLuxGAYPDcWG7Kd | ar5f0n | {
"description": "asking my gf to pay",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for asking my gf to pay | Last night, I was cramming for a test in the morning. I was facetiming my long-term girlfriend (temporarily long distance) at that time while finishing up a practice problem, and I decided I was too tired to focus so I would take a 20 minute nap.
My girlfriend decided that she would wake me up from my nap instead of how I normally wake up by using an alarm on my phone. About 20 minutes has passed, and I am fast asleep (so I was told), and my girlfriend had been trying to wake me up. She talked really loudly through the facetime, pulled out her laptop to play an annoying alarm sound, etc. but nothing worked. She started to worry because I didn't set any alarms at all, and there was a chance I sleep through the entire morning and miss my midterm.
Therefore, she texts a couple of my roommates to come and wake me up. My roommate tried to wake me up for a few minutes by banging on my locked door and making noise, and ended up waking up the other roommates, but not me. oof. So now, my gf really starts panicking and feeling bad about this whole situation, but there isn't really much more she can do at this point, so she goes to bed herself. Luckily for myself, I wake up at 5:30AM and go back to studying.
All in all, it wasn't a big deal. Now, my girlfriend and I were talking about the whole fiasco later today, having a good laugh about it, and talking about how stressed and annoyed she was that I just was not able to wake up. She mentioned that, if I still didn't get up in the morning that my roommate said he could try to just break my door down in the morning. I figured a broken door is definitely better than missing my test so I had no problem with her suggesting that option to my roommate.
However, in this hypothetical situation, she said she wouldn't pay for the door being fixed, which caught me off guard. Her reasoning is that she tried everything she could to wake me up, so ultimately she holds no responsibility for the situation. She literally said she would not even deserve 1% of the blame for this whole thing since it was my fault I was unable to wake up.
I think that I shouldn't have to pay for it because it was her word and her responsibility to wake me up since she was the one who said she would wake me, and that I specifically do not need to set an alarm. I understand her frustration in her saying she did everything she could, but I don't think trying your hardest or doing everything you can = not taking any responsibility if the task that you were supposed to achieve ultimately didn't work. Like that type of thinking would get you fired from your job, results still matter.
**Therefore...AITA for thinking that she should pay for the hypothetical broken door and take at least some of the responsibility?**
PS: I even said I wouldn't mind 50/50 because I get she tried her best, and that counts for something in my book, but saying she doesn't deserve any blame at all seems like a stretch. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
SHEPSQg4RkVnR10g9aNLHYQdMs3wbUg0 | ah744j | {
"description": "not telling the girl I'm dating that I was kissed by a crush",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not telling the girl I'm dating that I was kissed by a crush? | I asked out my crush a month ago and she said no. So I was trying to avoid it and asked out another girl (because I just did not want to be single anymore). So I've been dating the other girl, and I've really come to like her a lot, she is pretty and has a good sense of humor.
Well a little less than a week ago, I was confronted by my crush at this party who said she wanted to talk about our friendship and felt it was awkward. We were just talking and she kissed me, tongue and all for a few minutes.
I left and told her no, but she tried to continue and then just told me to leave.
I don't want to tell the girl I'm dating, because I didn't initiate it and she's just going to dump me I bet. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
BfpD2x693bzkatLosxJYaP8br35Ujqkm | alz00l | {
"description": "not wanting to get a job right now",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to get a job right now? | My parents want me to get a job. I completely get that, no problem. The problem is, I currently feel like it'll completely overwhelm my schedule.
I'm a homeschooled senior, but I still have an online full-time course load, with band practice, gym, and flying lessons (which I'm pursuing as a career) on top of that, and I really don't have any free time during the week. From their point of view, they see me on my computer for 6-8 hours a day, and associate it with me goofing off/gaming. Because of this, they've always piled my schedule up with a ton of extracurricular activities, which made me absolutely miserable. (This contributed to a hospitalization for personal reasons in 2015, when I was 15.)
This year, I managed to get rid of some of the extracurricular activities, with the main one being tennis, which was around 10 hours a week. While this has helped a ton with my mental health and my grades, my parents aren't too happy about it, and they've told me that because of this, they want me to get a job. Now, I have absolutely nothing against getting a job. I've worked a summer job at a restaurant for the past 4 years, so the idea of me getting a job/working isn't one I'm worried about. The problem I'm having is that they want me to get one right now, just to completely fill me schedule.
They know that I am going to be working full time this summer, and that I want to get said job. I've tried talking to them about letting me finish up school, which are going to be wrapping up in 3 months, but they constantly say that my schedule needs to be completely filled. They constantly talk about how they when they were younger, they had both school and jobs, and they were completely fine, but from my point of view, I'm not them, and I can't really tolerate that kind of 24/7 schedule.
Over the past week, we've been fighting a lot over this. Anytime I try and talk to them about it, they pretend to be understanding, but then completely ignore anything I'm saying, and our conversations go nowhere. They constantly say that if I don't get a job, they're going to kick me out, (I'm 18, they can.), which will prevent me from going to college this fall due to being homeschooled.
Honestly, I don't know what to think about either myself or my parents anymore, and I feel like there's nothing I can do. The only thing I want to do is finish up my school before I put anything else on my plate.
TL:DR AITA for wanting to wait 3 months to finish up my classes/activities before I get a job? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xr6hej7QPzLtJsOkHkkl6VnDKkXuotgN | b36xqq | {
"description": "not telling my mom's fiancé I love him or not wanting to hangout with him",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not telling my mom’s fiancé I love him or not wanting to hangout with him? | I lost my dad at a very young age and have been raised by my mother my whole life pretty much. Went through tons of hardships along the way to get into a stable environment we live in now and I’m very grateful. She met a guy 3 years ago and he recently proposed which is cool because it makes my mom happy and whatever. However, he constantly gets upset that I don’t tell him I love him back or go to any of his family gatherings/wanna hangout with him. I’ve been without a father my whole life and at this point don’t need one or want to have one. My mom is very upset with me and I don’t understand why, am I being irrational? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
SSISsqy6xVP09tODDYPkF770KycBpHpp | b4lzv6 | {
"description": "asking to be paid extra for taking care of the family pets",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I asked to be paid extra for taking care of the family pets? | Honestly not sure if this goes here or in an advice sub. If it doesn't belong here, let me know where it would be most appropriate and I'll take it there. I just figured that since I'm personally conflicted on whether or not it's an a-hole move, then there's no harm in seeing what the judges of this sub think.
* I'm 25yo, unemployed, and don't plan on going to college for mental and financial reasons. I live with my dad, rent-free, and earn money by doing housekeeping chores and making sure my younger siblings (all still in school) don't die. I'm well aware that I'm lucky I have such a decent living situation considering my age and lack of future planning, and that it's all because my dad loves his kids too much to just kick them out on the street.
* The pay system in our household is simple; you do your chores every day all week (save for days where you're literally "i'm vomiting" sick), you get paid. No exceptions. Chore allowance is $20, but I make an extra $30 for the babysitting. So, I make at least $30 a week regardless of whether I keep up with the housekeeping or not as long as, again, none of my siblings die.
* I'll be the first to admit I'm not the most consistent when it comes to the housekeeping I'm supposed to do. I suffer from depression that was diagnosed but never properly treated and most days I just don't have the motivation to get up and do anything at all, but I always make a point to at least get the dishes done so we can all eat. I also try to get my siblings to do their chores so my dad doesn't wake up (he works nights, so he sleeps most of the day) to a pigsty, but for the last couple months, they've been infuriatingly neglectful of them.
* We have four pets (three turtles that share a tank and one snake) that are classified as family pets though the snake is technically my brother's because he's the one that caught it (Dad's rule is that if you catch it, you can keep it as long as it's within reason; apartment rules allow for cage critters, so Dad allowed it). As family pets, everyone has to pitch in and make sure they're all cared for; even my Dad, who does his part by making sure there's always food for them and changing the turtle water monthly when the filters just aren't enough to keep it clean anymore.
* Normally, I wouldn't even consider asking to be paid for their care, but as I mentioned before, my siblings are really stubborn about chores. That includes animal care. That leaves me as the only active caretaker of them and, frankly, I don't actually consider them *my* pets. No one consulted me about bringing them in. They just showed up and I see it more as pet-sitting on my part and I've started thinking that if I'm going to be only one of the kids that takes care of the animals, then I might as well get paid for it.
So, would I be an a-hole if I asked my dad to add the animal care to my official chore list or am I within reason? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
k7wU5i3jmxOZI9wdjWtVb7wuFr3LA8ur | avqp6q | {
"description": "complaining to Chipotle customer service",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for complaining to Chipotle customer service? | I order from chipotle online a couple times a week. Almost every time I do, my order is 15-20 minutes late, and the restaurant isn’t always that busy. They just have only one person working the online orders, while everyone else stands around waiting for customers to walk in the door.
So, I’m pretty broke and sometimes (maybe 1 out of 4 times) when this happens I fill out the contact form on their website and complain that my order was late. They almost always send me a coupon for a free burrito or chips and guac. I’m not really all that upset that my order is late, I know they just have a terrible system. I just want the coupons.
AITA for always complaining so I can get some free food? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
fEOfjeEXBbqXSEO2qtSD4CWh9FqQgcuN | ajbwi3 | {
"description": "checking the $ amount I won for an award is correct",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for checking the $ amount I won for an award is correct? | TL;DR, won an award for a project, was listed in am email and on the prize site as $1000 but got $666. Want to email to confirm amount.
Hello, first time posting and I'm on mobile, etc. Anyways...
For a post-graduate certificate, I had to do a major research project. We put in a lot of work, and we ended up with one of the, if not the, highest marks in class. I'm not trying to brag, but it was a massive endeavour and I was glad when it was done.
Fast forward 6 months, and I receive an ail from the school saying that I had won an award for our major research project, donated by a prominent market research firm in the area. It looked a little sketchy (wasn't formatted correctly, things looked out of place, etc), so I emailed back and did some googling. I verified it with the awards coordinator, and on the school site. Both the awards coordinator and the school site listed the prize amount as $1000.
Again fast forward to the awards ceremony. Huge plaque, lots of handshaking, I thank the donors, etc. I check the cheque when I get home and it's $666, not $1000. I know this is a total money grab, and it's not even that much, but it just seems very strange.
WIBTA for checking that this amount is correct? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
R6mUJqbxV1wUHzTNqocnRHinLRnrgf0u | b5v8g6 | {
"description": "spreading the rumor that a teacher was quitting",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for spreading the rumor that a teacher was quitting | i was in my study hall class and i heard my teachers talking about a teacher that was quitting this year. (the sign language teacher). i joined in by saying he was going to quit by signing middle fingers and the teachers laughed. i know this could be seen as offensive but they were fine with it so i didn’t feel bad.
someone in a group chat i’m in said that they heard the teacher was quitting and i told them that the rumor was true.
i genuinely didn’t know it was supposed to be kept secret. since they knew i could hear them and i joined in the conversation they were clearly ok with me knowing. because of this i thought this information of the teacher quitting was public knowledge and i didn’t know it was bad to say around other people. but my teacher asked a friend of mine if it was spread around by me in a non threatening way so he said yes and then got visibly pissed.
i understand now that i probably shouldn’t be spreading these things and the teachers also shouldn’t be talking about secretive stuff around kids. but this is one of my favorite teachers and i feel really guilty about all this.
my teacher is a good person btw. i don’t know who is in the right here but i’m certain that this is just an unfortunate situation. she never gets that mad at kids but my friend said she was very angry at him and obviously me. i’m not sure if people know it was her who spilled the rumor or anything, and she could totally be mad because it was traced to her. she’s a great teacher and i swear she is a good person.
i don’t think i’m the asshole and i don’t think my teacher is but i’m just looking for an unbiased perspective. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
igROYSfutPjROgJNsvDYNM5VsUFeTviL | ahc0nd | {
"description": "telling a flirty married woman that I would sleep with her if I had the chance",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA For telling a flirty married woman that I would sleep with her if I had the chance? | Me and my older brother are in business together, though he is pretty much understood to be in charge.
He frequently takes me to restaurants and clubs to meet clients. I find these boring but I so enjoy socializing and having a few drinks.
One of these clients is an old guy, pushing 70, with a smoking hot young wife. Shes about my age so I let my brother talk to him while I talk/flirt with her. Its usually playful and she and me both enjoy it. Her husband never says anything.
So one night we're all in the club in a booth and the husband wants to go home, but the wife wants to stay and dance a bit. I say I'll drive her home later and he agrees. So after he leaves she asks me to dance with her and it gets pretty heated with a lot of touching and grinding.
As we go back to our booth she has me sit next to her and she places her hand on my thigh, while I do the same to her. She then asks me why im so energetic tonight, I reply that im always energetic when I see her.
She then says she'd like to see how much energy I have, and I tell her if I ever get her into a locked room id show her that and then some. At this point my brother asks to see me, and tells me to stay away from her the rest of the night. He drives her home and I end up taking an uber home. I am obviously pissed off he embarrassed me like that but it gets worse.
The next day when I show up to meet my brother he says I was an asshole last night and that he would kill me if I ever did that again. He also said that id be lucky if the wife kept her mouth shut and her husband didn't have me killed.
A few things. My brother like I said is nominally in charge but I am also part owner, and two I am the main reason why my brother is as successful as he is through the things that ive done for him. I am also the top earner in our business.
I tell him hes out of line for saying that to me and that it was all harmless fun, and that I didnt actually fuck her or anything. On top of that she would never tell her husband, but even if she did he does not scare me.
He tells me to just go home for the day which I do. Am I the asshole for flirting with a clients wife despite never sleeping with her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
jV7A6nVlOUMRB2W4Fi7KqBPactsWgfsS | ano0pk | {
"description": "continuing to be with my s/o",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for continuing to be with my s/o | this one is quite a big read so I’ll be sure to put a summary toward the end, while explaining the entire situation I’ll try to be as clear and unbiased as possible (we all like to play the victim and I’m here to figure out if I’m in the wrong, doing that wouldn’t help me)
let’s start this off at the beginning, I was a freshman and at first just wanted to get laid after being dumped, I got in touch with an old chick friend (who we’ll call Breanne) and hit on her a bunch
long story short I accidentally ended up falling in love, and she did as well, we wanted to get serious with our relationship so I proposed to meet her mother
her mom wasn’t actually her mom, she sorta “adopted” Breanne, it’s kinda complicated but her mom did this with a bunch of kids like Breanne who were living in shitty households, she’s currently at 11 kids (about 2 or 3 are biologically hers I believe)
anyways at our first meeting we both hated each other, I honestly can’t explain it but it’s as if in past lives we were king and queen of opposing sides of a war
we met at some cafe in the tourist-y part of the city, where she had a friend waiting along side her who was apparently a cop and threatened to detain me should I upset either of them, I honestly had to hold back my laughs because up until this point I never met a real life r/iamverybadass
anyways me and Breanne decide to see each other more often, by this time I was a sophomore
we started meeting up after school to uh... *preform non-christian* acts at my house while everyone was out, then she would take the bus home
admittedly it was a real immature thing to do but I really didn’t care, in fact if I could go back and do things differently *giggity* I wouldn’t, I don’t regret a single thing I did, except for maybe a few bad pick up lines here and there
because of all the sneaking around Breanne’s mom took away her phone and severely limited contact that me and Breanne would do... which lead to even more sneaking around
again, an immature and dumb move but we were horny 16 year olds
it got to the point where the only way to see and talk to her was to sneak out at 2am and walk two miles to her house to hang out for a few hours only to return home at around 6am
eventually though I stopped going because she had dudes patrol the area looking for me to sneaking around
this led to her (temporary) victory, a whole two years pass with little-to-no contact between me and Breanne
it’s around this time her mom had been diagnosed with cancer, a form that made it so she couldn’t do much without steroids, it was present earlier but had now gotten to its worst (and still getting worse) stage, I wanted to back off because of this, I honestly did, but my love for Breanne was too strong
I got fed up and called my do or die buddy egg, the kind of friend you can call on for anything, a best friend, I wanted him to come with in case things got real, besides Breanne’s mom always has some guy or that cop chick doing her talking for her, I just wanted some emotional support
I came over and decided to alpha it up, I stood outside her gate and played careless whisper until I got someone’s attention
when she came out, her mom deadass kicked her out, right then and there, with the clothes on her back and no shoes
she had to spend the night at my house before her mom showed up begging for her to come back
we had planned it out in case she got kicked out permanently, she would live with me and my mom whilst getting her diploma, then a job, then a place with me
now she lets us talk, and lets Breanne come over from time to time (mainly because she clearly can leave for good at any time, especially now that I’m inches away from my diploma and a apartment with egg where we mine crypto on the side)
she’s only once tried to make amends with me, at thanksgiving where she invited me over for dinner (where she didn’t talk to me and avoided me)
and I just need to know, am I the bad guy here? is there even a bad guy?
summary: mom with cancer doesn’t want me dating her daughter but I want to anyways and will go to great extents to be with her | HISTORICAL | {
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dAcDdfbUxrzWH289roRNFY1GN4YUgoNB | acgmho | {
"description": "wanting more time",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting more time? | My ex and I of almost 2 years got together and talked about our relationship and what went wrong. At many times during the relationship I put a lot of blame on her and it wasn't until this discussion she threw it all back and made me rethink everything. Want to know your opinions.
I met this girl at her senior year of HS at our work (I was a junior). Ever since I started talking to her on a more regular basis, I realized her and her close friends hang out a lot. Not that its a bad thing but it's usually about 5x a week. I never made her choose her friends over me because I thought that would be the a**hole thing to do. So 6 months goes by and all is well. She leaves for college 6 hours away and we agreed to make it work. I'd visit about once a month for a weekend and it worked out. On any breaks she was home, I was hoping to see her as often as I can because obvi missed her and etc but she usually got me with the "my friends and I have something planned, what about ____ day?" I swallowed being pushed aside and accepted it since she hasn't seen her friends and I drive up once a month.
A year and a half in and its Summer time, I'm working and trying to balance my social life while prepping for school as well as spend time with her, but eventually got frustrated when it felt like my life revolved around hers. I was constantly being told which days I was able to see her and put pressure on me to hang out with her those days. After expressing my frustration of not being able to see her as much as I'd like, I got hit with the, "I don't see my friends while I'm at school and you drive up. It balances out". I knew this was unfair but as I tried to make her happy I accepted it and moved on with my day. Summer ended and she went back to school, other problems arose but got dealt with.
Winter break came and I saw her the first few days she was back. I thought how she came to my POV of spending time until it slapped me in the face and didn't see her at all when the rest of her friends came back. I saw her about 2 days a week and almost every time, she would tell me she'd have to leave at __o'clock because her friends have a thing she wants to go to. After again bringing this up, it was brushed aside and I didn't want to fight it since I just wanted to have a blissful time while I can.
The last straw was when it was my grandmothers birthday. It was only 30 minutes away and dinner was to start at 6pm. We agreed to drive together with my mother because it would be easy transportation. She showed up at my house at 6:15 apologizing for running late because she lost track of time with her friends. I just let it go because I didn't want drama at my grandmothers dinner party. I knew we would be home before 9 I accepted plans with my friends to hang out with that night (Honestly thinking she would leave me at that time anyways). After getting home and telling her this, she breaks down at me for leaving her on a night we could spend together. We fought and I eventually caved and told my friends I won't be going over. Upset at the whole situation and the past month, called a break a few days later and eventually broke it off.
TL;DR- GF would constantly brush me aside to hang out with her friends. I did my best to accommodate until I had enough and eventually broke things off
So AITA for wanting more time with me if it meant sacrificing it for her friends? Or was I expecting too much?
Sorry I left out tiny details. I felt this story was long enough
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
6aOR8rG9bfbiJ8aeQWoEPlxuqU84qSjh | ast67x | {
"description": "trying to reach out and help this girl receive proper help",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for trying to reach out and help this girl receive proper help? | i found this [twitter account](https://twitter.com/kittycataddy) a month ago and thought she posted some decent content. also thought she was p cute. but then i discovered that she was a girl from the css community back in 2012 and mysteriously disappeared in 2014. she had a lot of problems and controversy surrounding her. she had anger management problems, cheated with other people's partners and spouses, and even rumored to have personality disorders which led to her being a compulsive liar and victim player.
I tried to reach out and keep an open mind that maybe this girl had changed. cause it was years ago since she did those things. immediately when i confronted her about it via social media she started to get all rude and condescending about it and blocked me. this shows me that she is immature in handling that situation. i try to message her another way 2 weeks later asking how she is doing and on her progress to recovery (which she talks about often in her social media), again instant blocked. if she wants to help herself that's fine, but she acts more like a hypocrite shutting people down.
a couple of my friends were heartbroken by her but they still want her to get better even if they are afraid to talk to her. So am i being an absolute ass trying to get this girl to realize that she is not really helping herself and is still being a rude and toxic individual. that was one of the biggest controversies about her when she was banned in her region for a temporary time about being a toxic individual and inability to be a decent human being.
i want more people to help me with this and help her realize she isn't getting the proper help and that all her preaching about self-care and help isn't doing any good when she still tweets and makes social media posts that shows her being all nutty and inability to handle her emotions like her [tumblr](https://kittycataddy.tumblr.com).
anyway am i the asshole for just trying to bring this to her attention>? and i wish more people could help me but they are all too afraid of her | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | WRONG |
7UXVr243uOtJwbVmtYK7o9j1WEd5b8Zx | a697rh | {
"description": "repeating comments made about a friend's gf by a mutual friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for repeating comments made about a friend’s gf by a mutual friend? | For some background my (17M) friend John has been dating this girl named Mallory (18F) for about 6 months now. Our friend Keith (17M) said some things like that Mallory “isn’t that bright” and stuff like that. AITA for telling John that Keith said those things? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
5PXqLR7A1zLfCHjYpCTyuPichU1Q13fj | b4iajw | {
"description": "tampering with our allotment produce",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I tampered with our allotment produce? | tldr at the bottom
Last year we got an allotment offer after a 3 year wait, it was late in the season and totally overgrown but we paid and took it. It was a lot of hard work for my partner and I to get it to a state of planting but we knew it'd be worth it as we don't have a garden and are limited to how much we can grow on windowsills.
The allotment has about 100 plots on a gated site, ours is on the smaller side, tucked away right at the back corner so we only border 2 plots and woodland on the other side of the fence.
We managed to get some strawberries and other bits in, and moved our in-door grown chili plants out to great success.
A month or so later we started noticing our strawberries were ripening, but every time we came back to harvest/maintain the allotment they were suddenly gone.
So it could be birds - we haven't netted our plants - but the missing strawberries look cleanly picked off, not the missing bits and pieces we've seen on our other produce.
Suddenly the signs plastered up around the site about 'petty theft' started to make sense when my partner went over there one afternoon and while working spotted 2 kids (about 10-11) walking down the path to our corner. They got halfway down, spotted him, and turned around.
He later saw the kids over the other side of the site on a plot with presumably their parents. He dismissed it and thought they probably wouldn't chance it again.
Unfortunately we didn't get a single strawberry out of our 8 plants last year. Everytime we went to harvest they were all gone. The association that runs the site hasn't been that helpful as we can't prove who it was, and petty theft is a thing among allotment owners apparently.
So this year, we've got chocolate habanero plants on the grow, and since we're planning on using the strawberries for chili jams, WIBTA if we started rubbing chili on our unripened strawberries?
We're thinking that it'd give the thieves a shock and deter them, but at the same time we're sure the culprits are kids and we're unsure about this.
We've had no luck speaking to the parents, and haven't seen them since that first time or my partner would've said something.
To clarify, we've got no problem if the thieves turn out to be adults.
tldr: WIBTA if I cover our unriped strawberries in chilli to deter kids from stealing them? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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5udfTDcGH31OgWXKcLiu39dhtDhJModt | b2k9k1 | {
"description": "being mad at my dogsitter for their dog attacking mine",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being mad at my dogsitter for their dog attacking mine? | I'm worried the title is misleading so I'll explain.
We had to head out of town on short notice and couldn't board our dog for irrelevant reasons. We asked a friend who also has a dog to watch ours for a few days and they were okay with it. Our dogs have played together a lot and always seemed to get along, though they play rough on occasion.
When we picked him up they said they got along great the first two days but their dog got a little territorial the third day and got more rough, so they separated the dogs the rest of the day. Fine... we know dogs can get that way. We were only concerned that he was overly lethargic and skittish, but we figured he was just exhausted from running and playing all weekend.
When we got home we noticed some huge bite marks on his neck and hip, and his neck had a massive swollen bump. I called my friend to ask if they got in a fight and he said they did - his dog bit mine and attacked him pretty hard, so they broke it up and locked theirs in a room til we picked ours up.
We had a vet friend check him out and they said he was in kind of rough shape, but as long as swelling didn't get worse he'd be okay. His swelling went down overnight so we're relieved, but he's still lethargic and we noticed more bite marks. Fortunately none are punctures.
Anyway, it sounds like they're at fault, but the reason I'm asking who the asshole is, they were doing us a favor by watching our dog. The dogs have always played fine in the past. And I understand their dog can be an asshole - we knew that before asking them. However I'm irritated they didn't flat out tell us he attacked mine until I called to ask. If something happened to rack up a huge vet bill, I'd be pissed. And if he died for whatever reason, we would be absolutely devastated.
Tldr: a friend watched our dog for free, their dog attacked ours, and they didn't tell us until we asked what happened. Fortunately our dog is okay, albeit in rough shape and a little jumpy/on edge now. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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} | RIGHT |
VBImmtdGx5tTZEdjj9FIzTV3ZcvrX0Um | aipo1d | null | AITA Follow up to my parents | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ain315/aita_for_telling_my_parents_that_i_want/?utm_source=reddit-android
Original post there basically talking about my boundaries.
Just talked to my mom and well it went as expected she shut me down by saying I'm the kid in the situation and how could I insinuate that she was controlling me etc etc.
Had to apologize cause I felt guilty but am I really an asshole for trying to set up boundaries | HISTORICAL | {
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GA0sitBBBJsjzONIw19qEuSuFYZLodnT | ab26z5 | {
"description": "breaking my brother in laws remote control car",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for breaking my brother in laws remote control car | So I've never liked him too much, and he knows that. He used to ignore me but lately he's been very passive aggressive to me. He recently got a remote control car, a loud one. So today we are my parents house and I'm watching the game and this fucking jerkoff decides to play with it In the living room. I ask him to not because it's loud and I wanna hear the game. Well he tells me I don't need to hear to watch football. I tell him to take It outside and he laughs and continues playing with it. Then he drove into my leg. I told him I was going to break it if he did it again and that's exactly what happens. I picked it up, took it outside and smashed it, spit on it and called him a weak little bitch for not doing anything about it.
My mom is mad at me. Also my sister won't talk to me. They've asked me not to come for new years. Am I wrong here? Wtf | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
GfCbbNOWqeqnEDyLEXUTIAN5ZVxRM3fp | b5ty0n | {
"description": "giving hr a heads up on my boss lying to employees",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For giving HR a heads up on my boss lying to employees? | So, I got laid off of my job as a cashier/stocker for "not having to pay rent" when they were cutting hours. The store manager told me this when he let me go.
Him and I had already been butting heads, and I had worked there for 10 months.
Let's call this boss George. George started lying to me about what he thinks I'm doing bad at, but he wouldn't man up and tell me he thought this. He told me that the other managers said this. Not only this, but he would tell the other managers (he was the store manager, the others were just regular managers so they couldn't do anything). I had no write-ups, and since George has a tendency to lie, I called HR to clear things up. (2 months after I got laid off because of self doubt)
HR couldn't tell me what I was laid off for (obviously) so I told them that he lied, he was not to be trusted, and to watch out for him. I told them the reason he told me he laid me off, and I asked them to double check.
I was talking about this to my mother, and she told me this was rude and cruel because he has a family, but he has intentionally went out of his way to make my job hell. She went on telling me about how hard it is to find a new job for someone like him (late 40's).
So now I feel like a dick, but I figured here, you guys could help me.
| HISTORICAL | {
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u06myJDG2cinkErGSPpZml0qS3DKH1uJ | agas2r | null | AITA She won't let me text her | AITA So this girl and I met on bumble and she even took the initiative to set up a date. Given that it was December and Xmas was coming up and everyone needs some distance to be with their families etc. I didn't think much of it. The issues didn't really start till till I want led to get the second date. It took me a week to get her to agree to go on one. Then when the schedule date (Tuesday) came around she cancelled because of work related reasons. It was cool she rescheduled it. Then she cancelled the rescheduled date (Wednesday) because her sister was sick (her sister is 15 and she takes care of her) and I was like cool, we can push it to Friday night or Saturday.
So now we've moved to the weekend. She didn't text me all weekend. It totally broke my heart. So I sent her this text, "Is everything ok, are you alright? I was really looking forward to seeing you again soon." The she replies with this. "Hey ----, I had a nice time when we went out and I thought it might be nice to go out again. Since then you've been a bit overwhelming to the point where I'm less interested. I still want to see the art exhibit and I would go with you. How about Monday afternoon?" You might be wondering how much were you fucking texting her. I only texted her in regards to when I want to make plans or when our plans were dismantled. I never text her about small talk because I rather talk to her face to because she's great at conversation.
I asked her how to fix it she told me to back off some. I texted her even less. The whole Monday I just waited for her to text me. When she did I only sent yes, no, or ok. Monday we go to the art gallery. The whole time I just feel so uncomfortable like the energy from the first date is completely gone. I didn't wanna just be like "fuck this" so I asked her if she wants to go get some food possible a drink or few. It's hard to really be energetic and stuff at this classy ass place. She says no. Her aunt is coming over and she needs to be there. Sure.
So a couple hours after the meet up. That shit wasn't much of a date. I sent her a text asking to go on a real date. Get food, do some drinks, generally be in a more relaxed environment. She said ok, I asked her of Friday works. She said no, she's going to Philly Saturday morning the 19th coming back on the 28th. I told her I forgot. Then she hit me with this. "By the way this is the exact opposite of backing off. We just got done hanging out and you're already trying to make plans." I'm thinking WTF? So I replied, "Oh ight. I'm not trying to be overwhelming. I just wanna know more about you. That's hard to do without texting you."
TLDR: I like this girl had a great time on our first date before Xmas and now she is making a huge deal about me texting her too much and trying make plans etc.
AITA: Am I the asshole here? Am unreasonable one? How do I get to know you if I can't text you. This is seriously bothering me.
There is a high chance I'll never speak to her again regardless because I feel like she might be a control freak and I don't want any part of that. I still want the judge of you strangers on the internet. Naturally this is only my side and she might be seeing this differently but she can post her own post. Lol | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
pPK1ywDwCXyRzofXzowlAwiipTEkmW98 | b8tddh | {
"description": "not visiting my boyfriend at college for my schools events",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not visiting my boyfriend at college for my schools events? | My boyfriend is a senior in college and I am a sophomore who just transferred to another college. I wanted to visit him my first semester away at college and we had a weekend I would come up for a big day drink at his school. It’s his last semester and he wanted me there at the last day drink. I had recently found out that weekend my dance team is having a formal on Friday and a festival is happening at our school that Saturday with a big artist coming to preform. I felt my first semester away at college was important for me to get involved and not miss out because I wanna make friends with people on my dance team and be involved and enjoy my own college experiences. My boyfriend got really pissed that I decided I rather go to formal and I wanted to come up the weekend after. He said no because no one is gonna be there the weekend after and he wanted me at the day drink really bad. I know I’m going to be upset about missing my first formal and this festival if someone really good preforms. Am I the asshole for wanting to enjoy my own college experience and my first time away at college instead of visiting my boyfriend for his last day drink in college? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
MlFxbkqB6BYzyUlR69rtCZnOM2fhZcBt | aq20bg | {
"description": "asking a coworker about her dad's reaction to finding a rip in his pants",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA asking a coworker about her dad's reaction to finding a rip in his pants? | Backstory about myself: I'm more than happy to make a fool of myself and can wind up other people a bit sometimes - but never in a mean way. Sometimes people aren't sure if I'm joking around or being serious and the coworker in question has a habit of getting offended over really minuscule things (in my opinion).
Anyway, today during a coffee break I pointed to my coworker's "fashionably distressed" jeans and told her that she had a rip in her pants. She then begun a story about how her dad bought some expensive pants and was ironing them and found a rip in them. Her dad then started ranted and raving about how there was a rip until someone pointed out that the rip was part of the style. This was the conversation that followed (as close to exact as I can remember):
Me: What did your dad do after being told that the rip was meant to be there? (I think people's reactions to finding out they were wrong can be interesting)
Her (can't remember this part too well but basically she didn't answer the question so I repeated it)
Her: How am I supposed to know? I wasn't there
Me: Well you were told about the reaction to the rip, maybe you were told about the reaction to finding out it was intentional?
Her: Why are you giving me a hard time?
Me: I'm not! I'm asking a genuine question.
Her: Good luck getting me to come down for coffee again (and then just started talking to someone else)
I tried to defend myself but that never works very well because my coworkers are more than happy to just see the worst in me sometimes. I then retreated to my phone for a bit but was so worked up that I just left and went home.
I'm pretty confident that I wasn't being an asshole, but is there any chance that I was? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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S7hRh6txh1dl3jiV0d8dqLlTZdbJ7Mve | aisqxr | {
"description": "wanting my grandmother to tell her friends that I am trans",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For wanting my grandmother to tell her friends that I am trans? | Hi! This is my first post so sorry if it’s not long enough or if it’s too long!
A little background information: My grandparents are my legal guardians since my father is a bipolar drug addict and my mother is just not fit to be a parent. I am openly transgender (ftm) and when I get misgendered it makes me feel horrible.
My Nana likes to play Bridge and Mahjong with a bunch of her friends and their friends and usually I stay out of their way because I’m usually taking a nap because my Narcolepsy makes it almost impossible to stay away for more than 10 hours. But I was hungry so I went downstairs.
They were set up in two tables and they would rotate turns on who plays with who. My Grandmother was sitting next to her best friend (Let’s call her V). V knows about me mostly because she’s taken care of me a lot and watched me transition. V waves at me and says hello, and she uses my preferred name. Some other ladies look over and I recognize them after seeing them once or twice before and they smile.
“Who is this pretty girl?” One says and my heart drops.
My Nana looks up and says “That’s my granddaughter.” But she still uses my preferred name.
This isn’t the first time it’s happened.
After her game night I confront her cautiously because she tends to get offended very easily. I ask why she hasn’t told them about me. I am probably visibly upset but she holds no emotions. She tells me it’s my job to tell her friends that I am a boy.
I was taken aback. I countered back by saying that they were her friends and I don’t know them. I tried to tell her how bad it makes me feel everytime I hear them call me “she” or “girl” etc. but she says that it’s my transition and that I should tell them.
AITA for wanting my grandmother to tell her friends and be open about me being a boy?
TLDR; My grandmother keeps my transition a secret from her friends and refuses to tell them even when I am openly trans. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
ZXeQ0pltAusGSdPrdqoP3OINkDFBWd6U | atrigy | {
"description": "playing music at full volume to my parents having sex",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for playing music at full volume to my parents having sex? (NSFW) | Info: I talked to my parents before about it before, they said they will stop having sex loudly at the middle of the night but they didn't. I'm 16 years old and correctly sleeping in the room right next to my parents, I have no other. The wall and the door block no noise at all.
So the other night my parents were having sex, loudly like the always do. They know I have really bad sleeping problems with prevent me from getting good grades, focus and etc. I'm trying to sleep the best using music and white noises to help me sleep better but my parents often have sex REALLY loud which makes me really uncomfortable and wakes me up in the middle of the night. AITA for giving them a little taste of their own medicine for about 15m~ ish? (Playing music at full volume) and they did notice, they screamed at me and I didn't stop. I get their need for sex, but they really need to care for my problems.
(Sorry for my Grammer, not a native speaker.) | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
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} | RIGHT |
d9DHxlGhhAVkBae5scw1D9v3yhtuvTrA | aleou3 | {
"description": "picking sides between my separated parents",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for picking sides between my separated parents? | Firstly a bit of backstory:
- my parents have been separated for several years now and we've all come to accept it. At first, I was terrified that I would never see my dad again (it wouldn't be the first time, more on that in a bit.) However, my parents defied the odds and remained friends, despite all of their hardships.
- Now, my dad is definately not the man my mum married nearly 20 years ago now, and that's partly due to his deteriorating mental and physical health. His head has dissapeared up his arse, to put it bluntly.
- When my parents split up, my dad moved out and he lives on his own in a flat that's not that far from us, like a 20 minute walk. Me and my 3 younger siblings stayed with our mum and he would come round pretty much every day to see us all.
- Also, this needs to be mentioned for context. He's not my 'real' dad. He adopted me in 2003 shortly after he married my mum. For all intents and purposes, I'm going to refer to him as my 'dad' and my biological father as 'sperm donor' (because that's what he is, you'll find out why shortly.)
- Another bit of context: recently, I got my first tattoo and it was a lot to do with my dad. I got my surname and the date that he adopted me, giving me that surname. He came with me when I got it done and noe its there forever.
Heres where my dilemma comes in. I love both my parents. I have a really close relationship with my mum and I used to feel like I could go to her with anything until recently. I also love my dad and I feel like our relationship strengthened when he provided me with much needed support when my sperm donor fucked off. From when I was about 11, until I was 16, I had a relationship with him, but then one day he suddenly up and deserted me, giving me little other reason than he didn't agree with some of my life choices (I have my head shaved on one side, I was bisexual and I had a girlfriend at the time.)
My dad helped me a lot when this happened and I was so glad he was there for me, considering my parents had split up a few years prior.
Recently, I feel like my relationship with my mum has been going downhill, and it may be partly to do with the fact that her and my dad arent on speaking terms at the moment. This has happened a few times but every time, its only lasted like a week, and then they start talking again. They haven't spoken since Christmas. Christmas day was the last time he was round at our house. My mum is on a shorter fuse lately, and i feel like that's because of his deteriorating health. Shes said to me several times that she thinks he's being selfish because he's not doing anything about his health for the sake of his kids. He'll be on deaths door soon if he doesnt do something and she thinks he should try for his kids. But he'd terrified. He's been told he has 18 months to live (I'm not going to go into details as to why.) that was a hard blow to all of us, him most of all. He doesn't know what to do with this news so the best thing he figures to do is not think about it. But that's not gonna make it go away.
I feel like I've been drifting away from my mum and gravitating more towards my dad, even though I can completely see both sides of it. But every time my mum rants about what a useless prick my dad is, it makes me wonder if getting my tattoo was the right decision. Rather than being angry, I want to try and make the most of the time I have left with my dad.
TL;DR: my parents have been split up for years now and my dads health is deteriorating. He was given 18 months to live which made my mum angry because she thinks he should try and do something about it for his kids. I got a tattoo to commemorate my dad adopting me but I'm starting to feel weird about it because my mum has fallen out with him. I also feel like I'm drifting away from my mum and towards my dad, but I feel like this is wrong, given the circumstances.
So, am I an asshole for choosing sides between my parents? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4DXd7ppB2b4oNNPXcz0AneK39491dhQD | b2hf3g | {
"description": "never wanting to hang out with my best friend because they're socially needy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA if I never want to hang out with my best friend because they’re socially needy? | We’ve been friends for almost a decade and they know I don’t like going out much. But since we’re best friends, we eventually do make plans to hang. Lately they want to hang out all the time and they get upset when I turn down most plans.
I hate it and I wish we would fight badly so I never had to see them again. I don’t hate them, I just hate having to make time for them when I’m already so busy with school, work, and taking care of my disabled father.
I don’t get any “me-time” because they want to hang on my day off from school and work, which is the same day my father has long physical therapy sessions. Meaning the only time I can truly just sit and rest is the same time my friend wants to plan activities for us.
Sometimes we’ll plan something after I’m off work, but I work long hours and I have to cook, clean, and study. So I’m often too tired.
AITA for not wanting to see my friend at all? I know they care for me and that’s why they want to see me every now and then, but I don’t even want to see them, even if it were to be once a month or something. Y’all let me know. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
mmieGEyKOW2heQuqS4zciQ0xrRhItHPo | avvsa5 | {
"description": "not letting my brother in law use my credit card to buy an iphone xr",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my brother in law use my credit card to buy an IPHONE XR? | My wife and I got the new IPhones a couple months ago and we financed them by applying for a credit card at the apple store that we have 18months to pay off before the interest kicks in. Today my wife texts me that my brother in law wants to get a new IPhone as well, and wants to use the credit card we got at the store. We’ve let her parents borrow money many times and they’ve always made sure to pay back in a timely manner so I have no issues lending money to them. Her brother on the other hand is a different case. He makes good money, and is basically living off of his parents. He blows his money on whatever he wants and doesn’t pay rent, he only pays the internet bill and complains about that. He’s 25 btw. Anyways, when I asked her why doesn’t he just apply for the credit card there himself she said that his answer was that “he didn’t want to worry about a monthly payment”. But yet, I’m supposed to be able to count on you to pay me back monthly? That makes no fucking sense to me. I told my wife no, that he can get his own card there and pay it off himself. He’s a grown man who still lives with his parents and should be no ones financial responsibility. My wife kind of brushed me off like I’m being cheap or an asshole but I don’t trust him and don’t want to be stuck paying for his phone because u never know, he can lag on payments or just not pay me at all. I don’t want to be stuck paying off another $900 phone. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KbFTcqmqvYeAINmRo1q1KGXIhTa77XcB | aoxwuh | {
"description": "wanting to move out because me and my mom fight too much",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to move out because me and my mom fight too much? | English is not my native language bear with me guys please. First off, In my country simply moving out of parent's house is a big deal (unless you get married or something) and it's mostly considered disrespectful to parents. I am 23 and still live with my mom and her husband (a very good person) but me and my mom fight like 90% of the time. About everything, and by everything I mean EVERY small thing. We both get mad easily and can fight forever and it has been like that for years. Basically we are the source of each other's anxiety. Today I've had enough and said I wanted to move out. She started crying and lowkey called me ungrateful. The thing is I am very grateful, she raised me alone and is paying for my education, but I just can't stand the constant yelling at home anymore. I don't wanna hurt her, but by staying at home we hurt each other. So, am I an asshole for saying that knowing she'd get very upset? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nusd9dSw9R2OYhHsETeBieww5uAJCjVP | 9xev8q | {
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to meet my parents",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to meet my parents? | Might be kinda long I apologize.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and he hasn’t met my parents yet because of my own personal issues with them.
About a month ago I asked my boyfriend to marry me he said yes but in the condition that he gets to meet my parents beforehand. I don’t want him to meet them and when I told him this it blew up into massive argument with him yelling at me and questioning why I’m keeping a big part of my life a secret from him (it’s not as big as he thinks it is but more on that later) and kicking me out of our apartment so he has time to think about our relationship.
Now a little backstory about my boyfriend, he’s a great guy the nicest person I ever met in my life and he gave me the time of day when I was at a point in my life where the sun never shined after getting discharged from the military for suicidal ideation. He was the most beautiful person I’ve ever met and made the few months I would see him walking around my college campus worth it and mean something.
The thing about my boyfriend is his specific quirk I’ll call it. It’s a harmless thing and it helps him feel more comfortable in his own skin. My boyfriend is small 5’2 to be exact with feminine features he said he never looked like a boy and that caused him great distress as a kid but he never felt that he wasn’t a boy. So his quirk is that he dresses up in feminine clothing dresses, high heels the whole nine yards and he looks amazing breathtaking completely phenomenal. When we first met I was already gay but confused why I was so insanely attracted to this woman only for him to tell me months later that he was actually a he in women’s clothing. But that’s an entirely different story.
So we began dating and things were perfect he lived his life to the fullest without regret and it was perfect. I rarely if ever talked about my past before meeting him. He knows about my suicidal thoughts and that I was discharged because of it but he doesn’t know the reason why I had those thoughts he respected my privacy about it and didn’t pry which I was thankful for.
Now backstory on my parents. They hated that I was gay. When I came out at 16 they all but cut me off I still lived with them and didn’t really have anywhere else to go. I was abused relentlessly emotionally and physically I have scars on my body from cigarette burns and getting hit with objects like bats, metal rods all of that. I was a gay kid in a very rural and very religious part of Georgia so not only was I getting abused at home but also out on the streets and school. My only way out was to join the military and I did I left Georgia and my parents and never looked back for the next 6 years. My suicidal thoughts started at around 17 and when I joined the army I thought it would get better but it didn’t it got worse until I was discharged at 20.
By this time I was in contact with an aunt who found out what happened to me at my hometown and offered me a place to live for as long as I wanted while I get my life on track. So I move in with her in L.A. and then that’s where I met my boyfriend.
So now my boyfriend doesn’t know anything about my abuse when I came out and I don’t want him to because I don’t want him to think of me as damaged goods and boy am I damaged. I know that if I did introduce my boyfriend to my parents they would only hurl insults at him being a man in a dress and how much of an f-word he is and my boyfriend could dress in men’s clothes but I know how uncomfortable that is for him so I don’t want him to deal with any of that in my eyes I dealt with enough of that for the two of us and more. My aunt is still in contact with her sister (my mother) and she could set up a meeting between all of us so it’s possible.
But my question is am I the asshole for keeping my past a secret and from protecting him from the shit show that is my parents? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
fgwHCnxDRq5kD7lhWV5UP6CcyTfLZmmi | a6e9vs | {
"description": "getting pissed off about a joke",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting pissed off about a joke? | I had to do an activity for class with these two guys. It involved having to run back and forth. While we were deciding who was going to run, one of them goes like 'Can you even run? Like are you physically able to?"
I knew it was a joke but I got pretty annoyed so I retaliated lightly, "Fuck you, of course I can." It wasn't too serious, I smiled and everything, we were friends after all. It just grated my nerves because it felt like they were belittling me.
But then they started making fun of 'my feminism' throughout the activity even though it was not my intent. "Whoa, such a strong feminist."
Afterwards, we had to sit down and translate something relating to the activity. I did the translation because they were the ones to run back and forth, and it wasn't fair if I barely did anything.
They asked me if I needed any help. I said "No it's okay, I'll write, you guys ran." However, they took this opportunity again to make a fragile feminist joke, saying, "What, just because we're guys? That's not fair to assume we can't write and can just run."
At this point, I was just trying to calm down and look at it from their point of view. Clearly, it was a joke but it was fucking annoying when they kept rubbing it in. I was just fuming on my seat, ignoring them because I was trying not to snap.
They kept up a conversation of how guys should have a word for a men's version of a feminist.
Later in the day, I had one of them for class again. We were passing papers to the class together. I finished up early but he still had a stack so I offered to get half so we can continue class already. He went like, "It's fine, I'm independent."
Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions but it rubbed me off the wrong way like he was trying to make fun of the "strong, independent woman archetype." Maybe I was just too uptight and can't take a joke.
I glared at him and fumed back in my seat. When he passed a paper to me, I snapped and took the chance to explain myself, albeit expressing my irritation, on how I didn't mean to "express my 'feminism', how I was just pissed off because it felt like they were personally belittling me."
His expression changed to an annoyed one and he replied with, "Well, we were just joking and I hope you know that."
Do I just have a stick up my ass? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
4xDAibXZozcMRb2OaGP4YeIfGPSN17wD | ba5m1v | {
"description": "calling in a noise complaint on my upstairs neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for calling in a noise complaint on my upstairs neighbor? | My husband and I have been living in the same apartment complex for about four years now. Last summer, someone new moved in upstairs from us. This person plays an electric guitar. Over time, the amount of time they play has gone up a lot. The thing is, this person has their amp turned up. Way up. They also have an annoying habit of never finishing a song.
​
We've talked to the apartment complex staff, who have just kind of shrugged and said 'yeah, they can use their space however they want'. We've tried to talk to the neighbor (who conveniently is never home when we've gone up there, even if we can hear them playing). It's usually during the day when they're being their loudest, though there have been a few incidents where it's late at night when they start playing.
​
One thing that complicates this - I'm pregnant and due next month. We can't afford to move right now, because of the baby expenses. I really don't want to have to deal with the guitar playing waking the baby up. Since we've tried talking to the neighbor and we've tried talking to the complex management, this leaves calling the cops for noise complaints. We know it's the nuclear option, but frankly I don't see another way around it.
​
TL;DR: upstairs neighbor plays electric guitar very loudly, and I'm pregnant and don't want them waking the baby up, WIBTA for calling in a noise complaint on them? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
B9XgCO7RUgUUrtDWIOCC7UKkPss4DwXl | afmorp | {
"description": "considering breaking up with my boyfriend for something he said",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for considering breaking up with my boyfriend for something he said? | Sorry in advance, this is kind of a long story.
So Friday night, my boyfriend spent the night with the intention of us spending the day together Saturday morning because I didn’t have work and he didn’t have to be at his job until 5. Fast forward to Saturday morning at 10am. I wake up to him gathering his things and about to walk out the door. Super confused, I ask him to come talk to me about what’s bothering him. He tells me he doesn’t feel like spending all day watching me sleep. Still confused, I asked him what he’s talking about. He told me he woke up hours ago and went and sat in the living room for 2 hours waiting for me to join him (which I obviously was unaware of because I was asleep) and that he tried to wake me up (which I have no recollection of). I asked him how I responded when he tried to wake me up and he said I laughed which is something I tend to do when people talk to me while I’m sleeping.
Anyways, he’s going on and on about how he didn’t want to spend all day lying in bed while I slept and how he needed to go to the bank to deposit a check (bank closes at 12, possibly relevant) so eventually I told him to go if that’s what he wanted to do, and that I couldn’t make him want to hang out with me. His response to this was calling me a “pitiful whipped puppy” and told me that I was manipulating him by trying to use sympathy to “win” an argument.
I told him that saying that to me was one of the most hurtful things someone has ever said to me and he said “I’m sorry for being so blunt, but I won’t apologize for saying that because I meant it”, and then asked me “how come every time I [he] gets upset, it ends up with you [me] curled up in a ball and me consoling you?” And then he told me he loved me and left.
After he left I texted him and told him that if he wanted to come back and talk more I’d really appreciate it because I didn’t like the way we left things. So he comes back an hour later and he’s basically a different person. He started holding me and telling me he loves me and telling me he hates when I’m so sad and that he wished he could make it better.
We kind of made up I guess and he went to work. Later I was thinking back to what he said and texted him and told him that I was still pretty hurt by it. This was yesterday, still no response.
I’m super confused and need an outside perspective. AITA? Is he TA? Help me, Reddit. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
pa01IAePKsM0MCNiv1CBdYyEnTW6RUBn | azptms | {
"description": "trying to talk about an issue the group I volunteer with has and she began yelling in my face",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA I was trying to talk about an issue the group I volunteer with has and she began yelling in my face. | Some background: I’m an 18 year old high school student. I’ve been volunteering for a children’s program at my old church for 10 years.
Today I was volunteering for the children’s program at my church as I’ve done almost every Sunday for 10 years. For the past 10 years we’ve had lots of issues with our room being left a mess, things going missing, our storage closet being stuffed with things to we can’t get into it.
Today I’d had enough of all this. I set everything up, hunted to find the things that were missing and then, told my dad I was going to go talk to the office director about what’s been happening.
I’ve known the office director for years so I think it’ll be an alright conversation. When I find her we hug and exchange pleasantries. I tell her I need to talk to her about some things for my ministry. I’m calm and polite and reasonable. Honestly I don’t think people would have blamed me if I’d been livid because of how long this has been going on but I wasn’t.
Me: hey ___ I want to talk to you about the ministry. I know that on Fridays people use that room. It would be helpful if-
Her: okay you need to stop giving me attitude.
Me very confused: I’m not?
Her: you have been from the second you got up here. This isn’t you. I’m an adult, you’re a student you need to respect me.
(I’m not a student I’m an adult with a job to get done).
She’s full on yelling at this point, In front of everyone.
Me: well I wasn’t don’t speakin-
Her; IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE AN ADULT SHOULD HAVE COME TO ME. LIKE_____ OR_____. I’M VERY BUSY!
Me: if you let me finis-
Her YOU SHOULD HAVE SENT ME AN EMAIL I’M NOT GOING TO REMEMBER THIS.
me: I don’t have your email. Please let me finish things are also getting stolen from us.
Her: that isn’t my issue!
At this point I keep trying to walk away and I kinda tuned her out but I know she kept yelling.
I know she has a very stressful job and she has a lot to deal with. Maybe she was having a bad day or something.
So who’s the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xGxrkJ1zizfq7zRqg78izDF0Ojbij6FG | ahxy4z | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend that her six y/o stinks and needs to be taught proper hygiene",
"pronormative_score": 330,
"contranormative_score": 168
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend that her six y/o stinks and needs to be taught proper hygiene? | First time poster here and I’m on mobile so I hope this goes well. Anyways, let’s jump right in to the stank!
Me (24M) and my girlfriend (24F) had a baby boy one month ago today, and things have been pretty awesome. We’ve really come together as a couple and our communication has been healthier than ever; even our levels of trust and little displays of affection are through the roof. All in all, a potentially stressful and chaotic situation worked out pretty well!
My SO has a six year old boy from a high school fling. The father moved several states away when he found out about the kid, and has only been around two or three times, for no more than an hour each time. Her son knows I am not his father but for the last three years I have tried to reinforce the fact that I am his friend and he can always talk to me. We play basketball together and we go bowling every weekend, as long as he behaves in school that week, so I would think to think that we are pretty close.
So two days ago (Friday) after work, the three of us went bowling while my mother watched our newborn. As we’re changing shoes, I notice a really gnarly odor akin to sour milk and garlic. I searched for the offensive smell and I realized it was my Gf’s son’s feet. When I leaned down to put all of our shoes underneath the table, I was about a foot away from him and couldn’t help but notice he absolutely REEKED. I was a little boy once, so I shrugged it off and made a mental note to tell his mom later.
As luck would have it, she brought up to me a few minutes later how he got made fun of at school that day for smelling bad and how it hurt his feelings. Me being the idiot that I am immediately responded with, “SO, it smells like he hasn’t wiped his ass properly in days. Does he use soap in the shower? Did you ever show him how?” To which she blushed and vehemently responded that it was not appropriate for her to bathe with her own son.
Now that he’s six, I kind of agree, but I wasn’t born knowing how to properly clean my body, I had to be taught. I told her that I felt as if it was her job as the sole parent to teach her son hygiene, otherwise this problem will never go away. I also stated that with our son, the newborn, I would 100% be taking responsibility for his hygiene so that I knew it would get done. She started to tear up and got really angry with me, so we finished our first game of bowling and left. She’s been pissed at me all weekend. AITA here? Should I have handled that better? Different? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 122,
"OTHER": 285,
"EVERYBODY": 46,
"NOBODY": 45,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 330,
"WRONG": 168
} | RIGHT |
a8eU5YIcEI4IHcx8riYziFvwi9JQBPBk | ahgftk | {
"description": "not wanting to see my sil when she visits",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to see my SIL when she visits | My twin brother, who I love very dearly, recently married a woman whom I absolutely despise. She is someone who thinks the world revolves around them and doesn’t care for anybody else. For instance, for Christmas she got my brother tickets to a play she really wanted to see, and actually did not get him a gift. Her and my brother visited between Christmas and New Years, I let them stay at my apt while I stayed with my GF for 5 days rent free, even gave them my car to use, and she was so ungrateful for everything. She even brought her dog, who my GF is allergic to, proceeded to let him vomit and shit in my car without any attempt to clean it up. Wouldn’t even try to see me for dinner, and when I confronted them I was told I was being selfish because I worked while they were there (my job is technically “in season” so I could not get off)... whatever.
Today, I just found out she is coming back for a few days to work in the city I live in, and she wants to get dinner at her favorite restaurant which is very expensive and personally I’m not the biggest fan. Because she never even tried to apologize for mistreating my possessions and myself last time she was here, I have no interest in seeing her at all. Am I the asshole for not wanting to be with her at all?
Sorry for formatting, typing on my phone. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7OVVWH2Dsfy2pSxuM7Ox5lvUylko4CpF | ax001e | {
"description": "snooping through my friend's phone",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA: For snooping through my friend's phone? | Well I probably am but I need some opinions.
This happened long ago, but a few months back my friend lent me his phone because he needed me to fix something on it.
I kept having this urge to snoop a little bit and eventually gave in. Unfortunately, I ended up reading one of the group chats he's in, because I wanted to see if him or his friends talked about me. Then I looked through his gallery because I knew he had some pictures and videos of me and I wanted to see them.
I know that it's bad enough, but I only read through a big group chat, and refused to allow myself to read any private conversations, which thankfully I didn't.
He never found out and I want to believe I wouldn't do it again if I got the chance. Is this as bad as I think it is? Do you think I should tell? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
LnUtpAvTLjxGmgIZVKqBdj4v92AjZsvw | ab82dn | {
"description": "not wanting my wife to go through my phone",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting my wife to go through my phone? | My wife is mad at me for not allowing her to go through my phone. She is determined that because I won't let her dig through my messages and web history that I must be cheating and hiding it. This is simply not the case. In fact I have allowed her to go through it in the past only for her to find something insignificant (ex: liking someone's FB post) and making a huge issue out of it.
I want to reiterate that I am NOT cheating, however I find it quite unnerving that she doesnt trust me enough to take my word for it, and feels that I'm hiding things just because i want my privacy respected. Am I the asshole for not allowing her to do this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
KQgDW4Ce1GZql5XYezzFC6Q4SPicF41g | b8zmvn | {
"description": "not trying to pick up my dog's liquid poop",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA when I don't try to pick up my dog's liquid poop? | I dogsit a lot and some of these dogs get extremely liquid poop. When I try to pick it up, I can barely scoop anything up. It's like trying to pick up spilt smoothie. After attempting it multiple times and never being able to pick up much, I've gotten to the point where sometimes I won't even bother trying now if it's that liquid. I still feel like an A when I don't though, but I just don't see the point.
AITA if I don't even try cleaning it up with a doggy bag when it reaches that extremely liquid stage? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ue1Cx4RPTyH84ZCLGs154bG5a0UVnWby | ay97dm | {
"description": "breaking up with GF of 2 years",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with GF of 2 years? | Names : K - Guy, Me - me, S - GF
S is a really cute, attractive girl in the conventional way, most people would find her cute as well, so did I. She have good personality as well, very friendly, I'd be crazy to not be attracted to her.
Unlike me, S is very much an extrovert. So, she have a lot of rather close friends even among guys. I am not and was never bothered by this, I know of it before going into a relationship. They are her friends, and I also have a few girl friends. So it's all okay.
For clarification, she's in pre-u, I'm a degree student. It's at the same campus, but not the same facility.
Around the start of her study she became good friends with K. He's basically the nicest guy I've ever met. I've met him a few times, we played basketball together, he's a friend to me. I don't have a problem with their relationship either. I've sensed that he liked S in a romantic way, but make nothing of it as I trust her.
Fast forward to a few weeks before our break up K told one of my friend that he have feelings for S. They were just talking about girls, then S came up. I don't remember much of what my friend told me, but one sentence I do remember was "They're \[me and S\] just a couple right? I still have a chance with her."
'Fucking prick' I thought to myself.
A few hours later, K confessed to S. This is where it all started getting shaky. She was more sad and confused, sad that she might have lost a good friend.
Of course the situation got weird between her and K. But I didn't ask her much about it, she's not too fond of talking about it either. Around this time she also started getting distant and cold towards me. When we met she's not as interested in our conversations, she barely text back, even when she does it's only a few words long or when she needed me for something. I tried talking to her a lot of times but it doesn't help. She avoided the issue like Ultra Instinct Goku dodging Kefla's attacks. All the answer I got from her was that she's just acting normal, I'm the one who's weird for thinking she's acting weird.
Her being distant has really worked against me, it keeps bugging me. It's not like we have a big fight or anything, it's just .... nothing. After 3 - 4 weeks I can't take it anymore, it's getting in the way of my basic function, can't sleep, can't focus on my studies, we're also not making any progress in trying to fix the situation. So I broke it up with her. She took it rather well, maybe a bit too well, her first respond was "I've seen it coming" . That being said, I still think she was sad if even a little.
I don't know if the thing with K was the reason for her action, it's not why I broke up w/her, or maybe she's just not interested in me anymore. I don't know much about her life now, so I can't really judge on anything here.
I broke up with her around 3- 4 months ago and it's been bugging me ever since. Was I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
plfjgEzugsZvVG6bWfhhFCWNsOr5XP38 | b27is6 | {
"description": "waiting on apology from motherinlaw",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for waiting on apology from motherinlaw? | My motherinlaw is in her late eighties. Though we have had disagreements in the past, I always make my very best efforts to mend things and keep open communication. A few weeks back we went to visit during a blizzard, and as I was bringing things in from my car, the garage door stopped working in the open position. I let her know there was a problem and before I could do anything about it, she called her male neighbor over to see if he could fix it. I wanted to observe what he did as he was troubleshooting so I could handle it myself in the future, and my motherinlaw basically told me to go away and that my help wasn’t needed. I explained that I simply wanted to know how to help her in the future and twice she waved me away and said “Goodbye” in a condescending manner. Once the issue was fixed and the neighbor left, she flipped out on me and said that I embarrassed her and insulted her neighbor for asking a question about what he was doing. It upset me that she treated me this way and I asked why she had to be so hateful towards me. She told me to shut up repeatedly and finally stomped out of the room. I gathered my children and our things and we left. It’s been two weeks and we have not heard a word out of her. Should I apologize for “embarrassing” her, or wait for her to make the first move. I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful, and this is far from the first time she has been rude and dismissive to me. Life is short and I don’t want to deprive the kids of their grandparents, but I also don’t feel like I should be treated rudely over something so inconsequential. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VSuW9ktlo7peVJdyDU3X6WRKIbBHLlj0 | ax3yo9 | {
"description": "not doing work around the house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not doing work around the house? | So, a little setup. I (21M) work a full time night shift, have two house mates (23F and 24M), and I pay a little over half the rent. Rent is $680 AU a week and I pay $350 of it. My two housemates are a couple and have the master bedroom that has an ensuite and a walk in robe. I have two small bedrooms that are roughly 2.8 to 3 metres square (9 feet 2.236 inches to 9 feet 10.11 inches). I use one to sleep in and one to game in, their master bedroom is over double the size of my two rooms put together.
My routine essentially consists of working during the night and sleeping during the day, that's it. I'm too tired after work to do anything and I don't expect my house mates to do anything for me. I basically carry them through rent, use virtually 0 dishes and only really exist in my two rooms and at work. I clean up after myself if I make a mess and we all pay equal amounts for the bills, save for the internet where I pay a bit extra for faster internet speeds that they benefit from as well.
I just wanted to know if my feelings are justified that I don't really need to do housework considering the circumstances. I could very well be an asshole here, but figured I'd check. Sorry for any formatting issues btw, I'm on mobile. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
ziC9kRWtAUaZIZsRbFgoiJg3IfCI7Ys4 | b8qoqv | {
"description": "telling wife to stop complaining about my job",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling wife to stop complaining about my job? | Burner account.
My wife and I have been married for 1.5 years. She has a child from a previous relationship. We got pregnant before the wedding and had a child 4 months after we got married.
After we got married, but before the child was born, my job found out about a relationship I had with a subordinate while my wife and I were split up, and were going to terminate me. I quit that job, and found another job making nearly what I was making at the previous. I started that job 5 days after my child was born, but I was working 60-70 hours per week and felt like I was missing a lot of time with my family.
After 2 months, I quit because I couldn’t take the stress of being a new dad and also working as much as I was. I found a temporary job making considerably less, but in a field I had experience, working mid-shifts, 40 hours per week.
I took my current position 6 months ago, knowing that it would not be a long term position, but that it would introduce me to an industry that I enjoy working in and potentially lead me to better opportunities (either within the company I currently work for, or through networking). The hours are much the same as the temporary position from last year (mid-shifts during the week, usually off work by 8PM, occasional Saturdays, 40 hours per week).
She, meanwhile, watches the children 4 days a week and works Fri-Sun, 10 hours shifts. She did not want our children to be in daycare, so we settled on this schedule. It means we very rarely get days off together, but they do happen.
In my previous position, I could pay all of the bills and still have plenty left to go on dates, etc. Now, it does require that she pay some of the bills, although I pay the mortgage, car payment, car insurance. She is usually left with 2-3 bills per month, including her cell phone.
Anyway, she constantly complains about how my position is terrible, I’m too good for the job, how I don’t get paid enough, how I’m abused by my work. I have been very successful in the position, though I did have an early rough patch. I’m a department manager, so when someone calls out, I’m expected to cover the shift. She complains about this. She frequently fusses at me when I get up to get ready for work, complaining that I’m leaving too early (Google maps says 27 mins to my job, I usually try to leave 25-30 mins early), and telling me that the job doesn’t respect me so why should I care about being late.
She will also do things like try to run to the store for cigarettes/tell me to run to the store when I need to leave in 10 mins. If I tell her that there isn’t time, she starts complaining again and telling me how shitty my job is. This happens at least once a week, leaving me to start my work day in a bad mood.
I stood up for myself today and told her that I was tired of her disrespecting me and my job, and that I wouldn’t listen to her complaints anymore. Right now she’s on her way to her parents’ with our children.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
e45Gw3SvWiFtaap3GTypNNJHme2iv6U4 | avyces | {
"description": "calling out my friend for poor shaming and bullying",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For calling out my friend for poor shaming and bullying? | Ok so some context. I have this friend named....Fred and he’s a grade 8 hype-beast. Always wearing champion and beats and gets really upset when his clothes get dirty. I generally like him! He is fun to be around and the life of the party but he is poor shaming and bullying my other friend a lot lately and I called him out on it.
We were in the gym at recess playing basketball and I have 2 very tall, good forward playing kids on my team, so I thought to myself “I’ll just play defence and let the big guys handle it”. After the game my other friend.....Steve came over and being the pubescent 13 year old he is, started goin like “ha I got more baskets than you” and all that jazz and I tried to explain I was playing defensive because I had really good players on my team and I would be no use trying to score
Once we go up stairs I go up to Fred I say something along the lines of “when Steve doesn’t know what playing defensive is” and this is basically the convo from there
F: don’t insult Steve like that! He is a good kid!
Me: hold on buddy you are constantly bullying him also don’t you dare talk about insulting people! You poor shame constantly
F: when do I bully him?!
Me: you constantly say shit like “Steve nobody likes you” TO HIS FACE when he makes a joke or something and you have said on multiple occasions that you hate his guts!
F:what? I have never said those things! (He has)
*steve comes upstairs and backs up previous statement*
Me: also when we were at that school hockey game you poor shamed that kid for having holes in his clothes! So don’t you dare come at me at “insulting” someone!
F: just go sit down
Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
1eiI1kgfoiCzLvTKmucjALeunWWzLn2a | ajwyj5 | {
"description": "not eating my boyfriend's grandmother's food",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not eating my boyfriend's grandmother's food | So my boyfriend and his grandmother live together in an apartment and sometimes I'll stay the night because it's more convenient to get to work from his place than mine (I only work 2 days a week since I'm a full-time student). However I don't know what I did but my bf's grandmother gets upset at me for both eating and not eating her food.
I think she's a great cook and I'm extremely grateful that she cooks for us but sometimes I'm craving tacos or ramen or something ya know? So my bf and I eat out, she gets upset because we're not eating her food that she "spent all day making" (she doesn't actually). We even let her know a day ahead of time that we'll be eating out and remind her when we leave but she'll still be really upset when we come home and aren't hungry enough to eat the food she just cooked. But when we do eat her food she complains that she's old and how cooking takes so much out of her and even called me a leech at some point. We've offered to take her out to eat with us but she refuses.
My boyfriend and I have both offered to do the cooking but she refuses to let us use the stove. I'll even cook stuff at my apartment and bring it over so she doesn't have to feed me but then she gets upset at me for not eating her food again. Same thing happens if my bf and I bring back pizza or something. Even when I'm staying at my apartment she'll send my bf over to bring me Tupperware full of food because she feels obligated to feed me which ends up with a) too much food in my fridge and b) her complaining about having to feeding me. I've told her she doesn't need to bring me food at my apartment because I can cook but then she gets upset and calls me ungrateful for not eating her food. If I so much as sneeze she say it's because of food poisoning from eating out and say her food is the only food I should eat.
I don't know. Am i the asshole here? I don't even know what I'm an asshole for but I just feel pretty shitty all the time now. I feel like I'm doing something wrong but I'm not entirely what anymore I'm just confused | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ahxXFpydPoL6F9n0ZZUh9augeu3erUGI | avlbfi | {
"description": "being annoyed to have to be responsible for a dog I didn't want",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being annoyed to have to be responsible for a dog I didn’t want? | For the past few months my stepmother has been complaining to my father how much she wants a new dog. Recently she decided to adopt a 3 month old puppy, which I had no idea she was going to do until 3 hours before the dog was going to come to our house.
Since then my stepmother has forced my sister, stepbrother, father and I to take care of this dog, while she sits in her bed all day watching television. It doesn’t seem to bother my sister or stepbrother, or even my dad even though he takes care of my stepmothers and his baby all day on top of working two jobs. However it is starting to annoy me and I am getting fed up.
I never wanted a dog ever since my old dog passed away about 5 years ago (around the time my parents got a divorce) and we have 3 cats. So I didn’t think a new puppy, especially on top of a 7 month old infant, would be the best idea. So I was pretty annoyed at my stepmothers spontaneous decision.
I’ve been focusing on schoolwork and my job more this semester so having to take care of this dog that I didn’t want is really starting to annoy me when I’d like to just take the free time I have to relax and unwind.
After my school club today I walked home like always and proceed to go up to my room. As I was going up the stairs my stepmother told me to take the dog out so she could pee. I was pretty annoyed as I’d just walked through snow and was pretty cold but so be it. I went outside with the dog since she’s still pretty young to make sure she wouldn’t run away or get lost. I was out there for about 20 minutes until I decided to bring her back inside even though she didn’t pee.
I was still annoyed as now I’m pretty cold and just wanted to change clothes and take a short nap, but my stepmother decided to talk to me saying how I’m an unappreciative brat who has no respect for anyone. At that point I was fed up and just was trying to focus on my homework to try and drown her out, which caused her to go on more until she left my room.
I made this post to see if my reasons at being annoyed were valid or if I really am just whining and I am an asshole. Sorry that this is a huge wall of text, but thanks a ton if you read this far. Thanks to any and all comments as well I really appreciate it! | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wLvYmCFfiEzgv0sxyB4zdZlf5MdKZr8y | b98pj6 | {
"description": "not piggybacking through the gate of a gated community when I'm making a food delivery and that customer didn't give me a gate code",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if i dont piggyback through the gate of a gated community when I'm making a food delivery and that customer didn't give me a gate code? | Customer gives you everything you need to make the delivery except the code to the gate and then they don't respond to messages or answer calls. Should I just follow someone else through the gate if I can or does the onus fall on the customer for not providing critical information and it's ok for me to cancel the order after waiting like 5-10min? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Ikuk8ZKnTsmjX075iCAcJSwt3OW1gD1g | allgch | {
"description": "calling my friend (and team captain) a hypocrite",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling my friend (and team captain) a hypocrite? | (To preface, I'm a part of an engineering club at my school and have been given a title pertaining to leading the design process for our projects. I've known the team captain for a little more than four years now, though only got to be close friends in the last year after I joined this club.)
​
To the actual story: my team was recently issued a new challenge. To simplify, we have to design and build a robot to pick up and place different manipulatives at different heights. During the first week of our building period, the team spends a lot of time brainstorming and drawing up ideas for possible solutions to the problem. It seemed like every single time I'd try to even suggest an idea for what we could do, it'd be immediately shot down by the team captain. This happened with just about everything relating to our robot, and eventually, I just gave up, and just went with whatever the rest of the team and he decided on. (Since apparently he was fine with taking suggestions from them; can you tell I'm still a little salty about this?)
​
At one point, we (the leadership team in the club) were discussing the final direction were looking for the robot to go in since we needed to get started with building. I suggested that we attempt to build a system to shoot one of the game pieces (a ball) in order to get it up higher. I was immediately met with "That won't work because we tried to make a shooter a few years ago and it didn't work." (No other explanation. Keep in mind I wasn't around the club when this previously happened, so I didn't know.) I hung back from the conversation for a little bit, but noticed something just a few minutes later. Team captain suggests to get the ball higher we should re-use an elevator system we built last year. One of my friends in the club asked if it was wise to try and re-use it since it didn't work before and our captain immediately responded with "We can make it work this time."
​
I know he means well, but it felt insulting to be given this title of "Design Lead" and then be completely ignored in terms of design. I got upset, and in a private message, (we'd been in a team Discord server up until this point) said that he was being hypocritical to immediately shut down my ideas about re-using concepts from past years but to be accepting of it when he came up with it. He responded to me with a curt response that went something along the lines of "you don't know what you're talking about." He later told me that it made him angry that I'd suggest he was being hypocritical when he just didn't want to spend time dwelling on ideas that he knew wouldn't work.
​
We've talked it over (thought not to the extent that I would have liked since I still don't really feel like he gets how terrible I felt about being so useless for a whole week.) and there isn't any bad blood between us. That said, I figured I'd ask for public opinion since it's been eating me up inside. AITA/too sensitive?
​
TL/DR: My ideas for a group project were being ignored and I called the person shutting me down a hypocrite for it, making him upset. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ndMMcLozcTn5Ee4J6mSC6t2zc4P73iVF | avj16v | {
"description": "telling my friend that a mutual friend of ours made out with his ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my friend that a mutual friend of ours made out with his ex? | Disclaimer 1: This happened three weeks ago. Disclaimer 2: Fake names.
My friend, Anthony, was in a relationship with Amelia that ended about two weeks ago. Since then, Anthony has told most of our friends that he would be uncomfortable with anyone getting with Amelia while the wound was still fresh.
A little piece of information about Adam beforehand. He recently broke up with a girl on the basis that he cannot commit to both her and his work. It came to light that his reasoning was a load of shit when it turned out that he is now talking to two girls on the fly without them knowing there is another girl.
Adam -- our mutual friend -- made out with Amelia at a nightclub. Amelia then told another one of our mutual friends, Abigail. Abigail was torn on whether or not she should tell Anthony -- she did not want to break Amelia's trust but she also felt that it would be better if he knew, if only because Adam was not a great friend and that should be known.
Abigail came to me for advice -- and apparently about six other people -- and I told her it would be best to tell him. I know Anthony well enough to know that it would be a lot more painful for him if he found this out in isolation and then learned that all of his friends knew and didn't tell him. It would be alienating and he would likely feel more alone than he already does. Abigail agreed with me, but feared the consequences of telling him and did not know whether or not it was her place -- especially considering Amelia had confided in her.
One day I was sat, coincidentally, with the seven other people who knew (including Abigail), and they all agreed that he should be told but they kept trying to get somebody else to do it. I was feeling light-headed and dizzy at the time, so I was largely keeping to myself. Eventually, Anthony approached us and they handled it very clumsily until eventually they dropped the responsibility for telling him onto me. I reluctantly told him what had happened and he was devastated that his friends hadn't told him sooner, that there was no respect between Adam and him, and that -- despite recognising that he was no longer in a relationship with Amelia -- the thought of such a scene upset him greatly. He walked off to let off some steam and hasn't been as happy since. I've been trying to keep him company and to assure him that there are people who respect him and want him around, but I'm wondering AITA for telling him in the first place?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
sKPeDtvITxkd4cywW7KaM1MG7uE7wtOK | 9ymw9k | {
"description": "leaving my mother with her abuser",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - for leaving my mother with her abuser | I'm going to try and keep this short but there is a lot of details
this all started a few months ago but for context ill start about two-ish years ago when my mother began divorcing my stepfather. when he first got the news from my mother that they were getting divorced he got pretty violent initially when he was living in the house still he stole my mother's med(not forgetting high more just to piss off my mother) and it only escalated from there. one my mother kicked him out of the house he would randomly show up and threaten to break in, fight me and my siblings etc but pretty much never when I the oldest child was there. one time he actually did break in while no one was home but my mother and sexually assaulted her, she chose not to file charges(a choice my nor my siblings agreed with). this prompted me to stay at her house all the time instead of swapping from week to week between her and my biological father's house so that I would be there when/if he ever showed up again. this lasted until I went back to college at the end of that summer. while I was away that first semester I struggled with depressive episodes and contact worrying about her and my sibling's safety while I was away and this in conjunction with other factors led to a lot of drinking and skipping class and ultimately a GPA of 1.4 something I am still trying to recover from.
fast forward to about four months ago when I was in my room minding my business when I suddenly hear his voice upstairs and go up to see him in the kitchen talking to my mother in a civil manner but none the less I went back to my room and grabbed the baseball bat I had stashed under my bed and listened readily to go down and try and stop anything if he started to get violent. when to my surprise she came into my room and told me that he was staying the night and they were getting back together and I told her I couldn't live or sleep in the same house as him so I gathered as much of my stuff as I could carry got in my car and went to my biological fathers house. I began gradually moving my things out of her house and trying to find a place for it but my bio-dads house is pretty small and I share a small room with my younger brother there and now I am looking for a place to live by myself permanently to get away from it all. my sister, however, thinks that we shouldn't abandon her and I am being stubborn in my original statement and that living in that house with him is not that big a deal because stepdad mostly minds his own business.
tl;dr my x-stepfather got violent after a divorce but now my mom is letting him move back in so I decided to leave her house permanently.
so my question is am I an asshole for leaving my mother and sister to live there with him while I am just trying to run away? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 2,
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Ys9YPiU0s7Fof9bdwmHjqCaPKgoiHLiE | b3fpyi | {
"description": "not letting my friend in my house",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting my friend in my house? | So I live in an apartment with two roommates, we'll call them Tina and Kacey, names changed for obvious reasons. They're both girls and I'm a guy, this is relevant later.
So for the past few weeks or maybe a few months, one our friends Jack started to have interest in Kacey, he would always ask her to go eat with him, to drink with him, etc. Now living with Kacey, she tells me that she doesn't want to really hang out with him and that she really doesn't like him like that. Every time Kacy gives in to hang out with him, he's always tried to come over after, the last time this happened Kacey ended up locking her door and leaving him in the living room after constantly telling him he can sleep on the couch.
A few days ago it was Tina's birthday. So Both my roommates and I, along with a few of our friends, including Jack, went to go out and drink and celebrate. So we had fun and moved on to some karaoke to continue the night. Now, at this point, both Tina, and Kacey are pretty wasted, I was a a little past tipsy but not too drunk. Now I know Jack wasn't drunk at all, he arrived about 2 hours after we started drinking and was mostly there for the karaoke. So, the night is winding down, and I call us an Uber. Before we leave, I overhear Jack talking to Kacey that he's going to come over later, I ignore it and hop in the uber and head home with my roommates. So back at home I asked her if Jack was coming over and she said she doesn't know and she asked if I could tell him not to.
So I texted him saying that we're all about to go to sleep so now isn't a good time to come over. Then about 2 minutes later he texts me, he's here. I ignore the text. Then about an hour later he text's me. "I ptfo'd in my car". Again I ignore that text. Then I get bombarded with texts like, "be a bro", "yo let me in", etc.
At this point I know everyone is asleep, including Tina so I ignore the texts again. Then about 10 minutes later, with my room being closest to the front door. I hear someone there. So we have an electric lock that requires a 4 digit pin to get in, and for about 30-45 minutes I hear who is presumably Jack incorrectly guessing our pin. Then for the next 20 minutes hes banging on our door. At this point there's no way I'm letting him in, everyone else had already fallen asleep and I told my roommate I would take care of it.
So, Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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HKYsL8v1qinbOrXVqRA5A0PQPhus0ifm | 9wnye2 | null | AITA for my actions? | Hey guys, that argument sounds really silly and I just need some judgement, about those actions that were made.
Well I was playing with a friend some games while talking on a discord server. We got asked by someone if we wanted to play Divinity II and I declined and said, that I have currently enough to play. Said friend I was playing with asked me how that game looks like. I said it looked like Diablo with RPG elements.
That was the time he went bollocks, saying things like, "don't bullshit her, it's nothing like that".
Well I can't handle arguments well (which he knows) and told him to just leave me alone, thinking he would try to convince my friend I was playing with to play the game and would correct me, if it was wrong what I said.
Nope, he got angrier and sent me a wall of text saying "getting angry, only because I'm correcting you? Idiot"
"Why would you stop me doing arrangements?"
Note that the friend I was playing with didn't like that kind of game, which only led to more anger.
Like I said, I can't handle such things, because it's so draining, so I ignored the texts coming from him. Probably he was fuming and kicked me from the Discord server.
It's not the first time we argued, but I just feel like that he's overreacting and it makes me feel shit too, because I normally never argue.
Probably I was just too harsh telling him to leave me alone.
Currently thinking to quit the friendship entirely, because it's not the first time we argued like that and didn't talk at all. It honestly makes me feel shit.
In Addition to that he split everything between our friends by doing that. Like he won't allow his gf to play with that friend I was playing with and me, because I would be there.
Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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NiG4AeH7WpuuB0fjoQiR7g4U9o0cqDRP | au2l4d | {
"description": "telling my mom my little brother is faking his anxiety",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA if I tell my mom my little brother is faking his anxiety? | Obligatory Sorry For Formatting Because I Am Posting This On My Mobile Device
tl;dr at bottom
My brother (11) had a couple panic attacks in the past week or two. My mom got super worried and got a therapist and all that jazz. She (the therapist) gave my brother some breathing exercises to calm him down.
My brother has always been an attention-seeking little brat. And a momma’s boy. Whenever my mom leaves the house, for ANY reason, just to go shopping, to walk the dog, etc. he has to hug her and get a kiss. ALWAYS.
I am not denying he had panic attacks. I am denying his constant “anxiety.”
I’ll also point out he’s an incredibly picky eater. Like sitting at the table for an hour waiting for him to eat a piece of chicken. That’ll be important later.
Today on the way home from church he started humming real loud. My mom asked him to stop as she was listening to a podcast. He didn’t.
“I can’t control it.”
“I need you to try.”
“I can’t.”
“Use your breathing exercises.”
No response. He just hummed quieter.
“Sawyer, you need to control it.”
“I can’t.”
This is his THING. Whenever he’s asked to stop doing something, he does it quieter, smaller, lesser, but still noticeable. He never stops.
This exchange went on for a while.
He said this while giggling. Not in a creepy way. He just thought what he was doing was funny and hoped everyone around him would think so too, and give him attention.
Yesterday when we were eating dinner he didn’t like what he was eating. In typical Brother fashion, he pretended to be sick/not feeling well to try and get out of eating. Now, mind you, he’s 11 and weighs less than my dog. Dead serious.
A couple times when he didn’t get much sleep he twitched in the morning. My parents know this and my brother took advantage of this and pretended to twitch at dinner. They were noticeably fake and laughably huge and slow. Twitches are super small movements that are super fast and, I believe, impossible to recreate voluntarily. The movements are too small and fast. Please correct me if I’m wrong. He curled up with a blanket and sat at the table. However, he only twitched when someone looked at him. He actually ate all his dinner quite fast that night and we all celebrated and when we celebrated, his twitches magically disappeared.
I’m a high school student. I am an *expert* in attention whores. Almost everyone around me is one. I’m probably one. I know one when i see one.
He is one.
However, I could be wrong, and I don’t want to be the one who denies legitimate symptoms.
Also, my parents don’t really take well to opinions. There’s a good chance I’ll be “telling them how to do their jobs.”
Any opinions?
tl;dr: I have a suspicion my brother is faking most of his anxiety symptoms. Would I be the Asshole if I informed my mother of my suspicions?
| HISTORICAL | {
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VKc5iSsUduLHskgta5znRakJpmpFRJad | b3elcx | {
"description": "wanting another babysitter besides my mother in law",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting another babysitter besides my mother in law? | My mother in law has always hated me. She’s very intrusive in our relationship, constantly critical of me, and over all a negative influence on our relationship. My wife needed a lot of help when our daughter was born so I sucked it up that she was around a lot. I’ve been nothing, but respectful to this woman even though she basically spits in my face whenever I’m around her.
Now that my wife is returning to work she wants to hire her mother to watch our daughter. She’s always just told me to ignore her mother and try not to take it seriously when I’ve complained about the way she treats me and our relationship. The idea of having even more of her in my life is awful. If we’re going to be paying money for someone to watch our daughter it might as well be someone else. My wife thinks it’s better to have family watch her, that the care would be better than with a stranger and that the extra money would really help her mother out. I would never ask my wife to go along with a sitter that she was uncomfortable with and I feel like I deserve the same consideration. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
g9XnpxdmGuvrVc1qBVyFA54sYszzw4PH | an6y3w | {
"description": "telling a homeless person to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling a homeless person to fuck off | It was close to midnight and I fancied a pizza. Head down to the local pizza place and grab my order.
As I'm walking home a homeless guy shouts over at me.
HL guy : give me some of your pizza
Me: why?
HL guy : because I'm homeless
Me: that's not my fault
HL guy: fuck you
Me: fuck you too
I just went home and enjoyed my pizza.
Am an asshole? My so thinks I am.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
WFEq7SfalBKQTOrP1CYeoKRPnZDra20P | a1oi8m | {
"description": "stopping talking to my friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I stopped talking to my friend? | Hey everybody.
I’m 24, my spouse is 27, and the friend in question is 20. We’ll call her Abby.
I met Abby in class at college; then further talked to her when I was tutoring her for a class.
Abby is very needy. She constantly sends messages to myself and my spouse about her issues. Which is fine, 20 can be a shit age and we all had to go through it at some point. But it was to the point where my spouse had to mute her on Facebook because of the barrage of messages.
She was diagnosed with anxiety and prescribed medication to alleviate some of these issues. But it’s just not enough.
I wouldn’t mind supporting her when I could, but she doesn’t seem to remember anything that I or my spouse tells her about ourselves- simple things like ages, she forgot my spouse had a hearing problem and can’t drive, forgot that I was disowned from my family for being gay, things like that.
It really boils down to me feeling like she’s not invested in either friendship. And I normally wouldn’t have so much hesitation in cutting out someone, but we are her primary emotional supports and her family sucks.
So WIBTA for telling her that she’s been a one-sided/fair weather friend? Or for moving on? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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geMvvZahVzCN251s6D317k3gdGI3qxba | actwv0 | {
"description": "putting my friend on his ass when he grinded a breadstick in my ear",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for putting my friend on his ass when he grinded a breadstick in my ear. | TLDR at the end.
Ok this is from Christmas day, had a few friends over and we were all fairly drunk by the evening. I am making drinks when my flatmate comes up to me and starts grinding a breadstick in my ear into dust like my ear is a novelty pencil sharpener. I am irritated by this already, then he grabs another one and crumbles it up in my hair. I am thinking wtf but also feeling humiliated by him doing this and want him to stop and to know in no uncertain terms not to do this to me.
Now I am a good fighter from having older brothers and I dont want to try and restrain him half arsed and then we end up scuffling. He is stronger than me and would have over powered me and would have just been messy and potentially dangerous. So I went full force but gentle, a scoop his legs with my legs as I lifted I flipped his upper body and put him to the floor gently and put a chair on top of him which is when my other friend came over and took the chair. I wasn't angry doing it, well I was but I felt measured.
I didn't hurt him and didn't go beyond what was required I felt. He looked stunned that I had done it and I explained where I was coming from with doing it. Over the past week or so he seems to have been quite shook up by it. We live together and things are fine we are getting on, there doesn't seem to be any tension I just feel bad he felt unnerved by it and seems to have affected him. I just replay it and think, well what else could I have done? I mean I could have said not to do it instead I suppose but I was also annoyed and it felt like the response fitted- by physically violating and humiliating me I think it is ok to respond in this way.
TLDR: flatmate stuck and grinded breadstick up in my ear and crumbled one into my hair so I flipped him onto the floor gently and seems to have been a little traumatic for him. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
rbnFGG6aXEKY89mILykWkRN6mPe4mn5x | 9ts3h7 | {
"description": "feeling bad when my girlfriend masturbates to porn",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for feeling bad when my girlfriend masturbates to porn? | My girlfriend frequently masturbates to porn, despite us having a very active sex life. She says that I am the best sexual partner she ever had. But she constantly fantasizes about getting fucked by the pornstar she watches.
Am I the asshole for feeling bad or gettong frustrated whenever she does this? Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
SQm1rR9yZzoeUMVJe1mq8sOkPmtclBnB | aobjnt | {
"description": "leaving my friend's house after one of his buddies used the word \"gay\" as an insult",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my friend's house after one of his buddies used the word "gay" as an insult? | I've created a throaway account for this question. Also sorry if I make any mistakes, English isn't my first language.
So, a little bit of info about me: I grew up in a rural area where most of the people are rather conservative and whatnot. As a young kid / teenager it wasn't very easy for me to make friends and get along with other people cause I'm gay and also not exactly the "manliest" guy out there. People would always joke about the way I speak and act and I was often referred to as a sissy and a fag, which took a huge toll on my self-esteem and made me super cautious about the way I come off to others. After graduating and moving to a bigger city (I'm at university now) my situation has improved a lot cause I was able to meet other gay people, get active in the community and just surround myself with peers who are less judgemental in general. I feel a whole lot better about myself now!
Now on to my problem:
Last weekend, a straight friend of mine (we aren't super close but we get along fine and hang out sometimes) asked me if I wanted to come to his place to hang out with him and his friends (also all straight). I said "Yeah, sure" and looked forward to a nice evening. Me and his friends actually got along really well at first and there were no problems until one of them (I don't remember the exact context, I think they were talking about how a friend of them reacted to a certain situation) said "Man, that is just the gayest and most pathetic shit ever". After saying that, he immediately looked over to me, started laughing and said "Oh don't worry, I didn't mean it like *that*". I said that I don't appreciate him using the word in that context and he apologized. Since I still felt really uncomfortable from that point on and got a lot of flashbacks to my teenage years when people were unnecessarily homophobic in my presence, I thought it'd be better to just leave. My friend was a bit surprised and asked if it's because of the remark his friend made, which I affirmed. He said he'd really appreciate it if I stayed and that his friend meant no harm whatsoever, but like I said, I just felt uncomfortable and wanted to get out of there. On my way out, his friend who made the remark actually went after me and apologized again, saying he didn't intend to hurt me and that it wouldn't happen again. I thanked him for apologizing but left anyway.
​
The next day my friend texted me and told me that I completely overreacted and shouldn't have just left like that. I replied "After growing up in a really homophobic and close-minded town, I just don't feel like I need to spend time with people who talk like that anymore.". I also criticized him for not saying anything to his friend (I didn't expect him to throw a scene or anything, a simple "Don't say stuff like that" would have sufficed), to which he replied "Why would I? He wasn't *actually* being homophobic, he just used a slang word". The convo went on for a bit longer and ended with him saying "Your future life will be really stressful if you're just gonna throw a fit and run away whenever someone says a word you don't like".
​
I asked my other friends (who are all part of the LGBT community) and they agreed that his friend was being an asshole, but my friend told me that his other friends also agreed I overreacted.
I just feel really torn right now. On one hand, his friend apologized two times (although the first one didn't seem very sincere, he only realized he had truly fucked up after I got ready to leave) so maybe I should have just gotten over it and stayed. On the other hand, people talking like that just makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable (because of the homophobic people I had to deal with during my youth) and I also feel like my friend could have been a bit more supportive.
​
What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
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p1dHnQlzmEbuKplwOdUDPnmfEYyOHdjJ | apympl | {
"description": "not telling my so that I am a millionaire",
"pronormative_score": 99,
"contranormative_score": 116
} | AITA for not telling my SO that I am a millionaire? | For reference, I’m an attorney and my SO is a software engineer. We’ve been married for 5 years. We have a 3 year old daughter and live a comfortable upper middle class life.
I won the lottery to the tune of 8 figures in my senior year of undergrad. After taking some friends on a 2 month European vacation, setting up trusts for my parents’ retirement and my brother’s college education, and paying for law school, I put what remained (not an insignificant amount) into various investment accounts. I don’t intend to touch these accounts until retirement. If all goes well, my SO and I should be able to retire before age 55.
There haven’t been any issues in our marriage as of yet. Arguments are easily resolved, our sex life is quite good, and we’ve never had to worry financially. My reluctance to tell my current SO about my wealth stems from prior relationships where it’s clear in hindsight that my former SOs weren’t interested in me but my money. But at the same time, I feel that I shouldn’t continue keeping a secret as big as this from my SO.
So, AITA for keeping my wealth a secret? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 115,
"OTHER": 53,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 99,
"WRONG": 116
} | WRONG |
gIxyTsxH8adCw0iRc2T6QyjSf8dec5hg | b3shsf | {
"description": "still hanging out w my male friends",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for still hanging out w my male friends | So I have mostly male friends for a variety of reasons: they like more of the same games as me, children of family friends, they’re less likely to hang out in groups that are harder to break into, etc. My boyfriend doesn’t like me hanging out or even talking to my male friends too much and says I should just get more female friends as if it’s that easy. I make a lot of conversational mistakes like accidentally insulting people and guys seem more able to ignore that. I have aspergers which makes it immensely difficult for to make more friends, and I’d rather talk to the friends I already have than die of loneliness, even if my bf doesn’t like it. I should mention that I’m not doing anything untoward w them, just hanging out w them at movies and shit without telling my bf because I don’t need to hear his opinion on how all my friends just see me as potential prospects and don’t reallg like me as a person. Am I somehow doing the wrong thing? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
K6csT1EQ4W6LlilRD1YDzCgbYOEmLPgM | aokacg | {
"description": "wanting my wife to get a job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for wanting my wife to get a job? | My wife and I have been happily married for 2 years. We recently had a baby (5 month old) and I feel a lot of pressure to move our station of life to something better. We have a list of about 100 things we want and need to save for, but I feel like she doesn't have the same financial goals as me, or doesn't understand what it would take to achieve them. We have a small sum of money in savings, but essentially aren't putting any money towards our savings. I want to buy a house in the next 2-5, but sometimes I think it's never going to happen. I make enough money to cover all of our expenses, but I know our expenses are on the rise, and I want to be prepared.
In a perfect world she would look for jobs she could do at home or just extra ways to make money, but anytime I bring up ways for her to make money she feels undervalued. I know it takes a lot to take care of an infant and I greatly appreciate what she does, but I know she spends most of her day doing very little and has an excessive amount of free time (she often doesn't wake up until noon).
If she were to bring in just a small amount of money a month it would make it possible for us to save, and I know both her and I would be happier. (Without putting down on my wife too much I'll add that she doesn't spend an excessive amount of time cleaning, doing laundry, or cooking... I'm definitely the clean one in the relationship. ) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 6
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
KFTQfPrXyg9jpO75gpUlAKwxYKmYDMRX | b419s0 | {
"description": "being mad at my boyfriend for always helping his dad",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being mad at my boyfriend for always helping his dad? | Yeah, the title might sound like im the asshole, but please read the text first. (sorry for the kind of long post)
So, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years, so our relationship is really serious and all, and I won't leave him for this of course, but it's still something that makes me angry from time to time.
I'll tell it with a story: we've planned to go to a street food festival this saturday, everything is fine until his dad calls and demands for his help on saturday. So we immediately have to cancel our little trip so he can help his dad. Maybe you see the point already.
Of course, I'm not against him helping his dad and I also like that they have such a strong relationship, but it literally happens all the time.
His dad is in only his mid 50's and also some kind of craftsman, he is muscular and can do things on his own. Plus he has a lot of friends that can also help him with stuff. But no, it has to be my boyfriend, as always. And of course, my boyfriend never ever (not once) says no. We always have to shift our schedules so he has time to help him.
Also, last summer we were at my bf's parent's place for dinner and his dad demanded that my bf helps him next summer (means this year's summer) for a whole week to paint his house. He did not ask "Could you?", he said "Come over and help." Yes, this is a major task that one can't do alone but as I said, he has so many friends, including my step-dad, who could help him. Still, my boyfriend didn't say no.
This is just something that really pisses me off because it makes me feel that he prefers everything his dad does and says over me. When we make plans days or even weeks before, his dad chimes in a day before the event and asks for help, everything else gets cancelled.
I've also talked to my bf about this but he just said that I see this differently because I didn't really have a dad growing up (which unfortunately is right). Am I overreacting about this or is my anger justified? I really need to know because it also makes me feel bad for being angry that my boyfriend spends time with his dad.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
exFa4F0N7OIPQWzlzBqzJLvDKoA7pQ8C | aylpin | {
"description": "not apologizing",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not apologizing? | I live at home with my parents and my oldest brother (I'm 19, my brother is 28). Oldest brother has a girlfriend of 3 years and about 2 months ago, she was threatening to break up with my brother. She isn't abusive but she treats my brother like an option, and is semi-high maintenance (very self absorbed). I tried to make him feel better but she takes it back. She has been sleeping over every weekend (Friday to Monday) since that.
My brother would come into my room every Friday and ask to take one of my pillows. Once she left on Monday he wouldn't return the pillow. He would keep it until I eventually would go into his room and take it back. Repeat.
3 weeks ago is when this all came to a head, this was the 2nd week in a row that my brother came in my room while I was showering and took my pillow without asking.
I have a hard time vocalizing my emotions or my intentions, my brother knows this. Confrontation doesn't really bother me (as my family knows) but because of my anxiety, I didn't develop all of my social skills (like sometimes I'm too blunt and/or don't pick up on social cues). I knew that he would be busy with his gf so I sent him a text. I didn't hear anything from my brother after that.
Text Screenshot Here: [https://i.gyazo.com/d6711fdcf66a9322794f2e0b03ec236d.jpg](https://i.gyazo.com/d6711fdcf66a9322794f2e0b03ec236d.jpg)
Fast forward 2 weeks. I ask my brother for some help with my new bed frame (I was recovering from a dislocated shoulder) and he doesn't say anything. I shrug it off, not really thinking much of it. This is where that struggling social skills come in as I obviously didn't pick up on his social cue that he was giving me the silent treatment. My Mom and I are talking a day or 2 later and she brings up that my brother is mad at me. I brush it off and say "What? No he's not. He would tell me if he was mad." The reason I brushed it off was because my mother has a bad habit of taking my brother's side and defending him over the smallest thing. She's very quick to paint my brother in a holy light.
Few days ago, my Dad asks my brother for help regarding the bed frame and my brother starts shit talking me. I was sick and my Dad is recovering from a week in the hospital: "She hasn't apologized. She can figure it out her fucking self." I get upset and I end up getting worked up and collapsing in the bathroom. My Dad gets me to my room, my brother comes to see what's happening, sees that it's me who fell and just leaves.
Through ALL of this, my brother hasn't confronted me himself to tell me he's upset. He has not once spoken to me, he hasn't even directly told me that I said something offensive or hurtful.
It's been about 3 weeks since, my brother and I still haven't spoken. My mother is telling me every other day to apologize to him. If my brother and I absolutely have to be in the same room, we walk past each other (or avoid the room all together) and pretend the other isn't there. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
x2yfSPEtV7yqV1IXhXDJH86n7JCyqtgV | aqq1eo | {
"description": "calling mother out on what I do for a living",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITAH for calling mother out on what I do for a living. | So a little bit of background on my career for the last 10 years. For 8 years I worked in TV/Live Sports Productions. I was a replay operator. For anyone who doesn't understand, I was the guy who would show the slow motion instant replay and make halftime highlights among other things. During this 8 years my mother always referred me as a camera operator. Now I'm not digging on camera operators, I started as one myself and worked my way up but camera and replay were two very different things and I was proud of what I did. I was only in my young 20s at the time and was considered one of the best in my region. I use to let it go but now in the last 2 years I switched up jobs to where now I service tech at a local university. 2 years I have been there and my mother saw that a sports event was coming to town and asked if I was on the production crew for it. This time I called her out because it wasn't even my career anymore, I had completely switched jobs. She got mad at me for calling her out and said that it was mean. Now that I think about it, no one in my family understands what I do for a living besides my wife which upsets me cause I am proud of my job. Was I being an asshole for calling her out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Fz1piy6eLjWcckCBH4c4BeVK0vd74loE | b5lrzn | {
"description": "insisting my GF take care of her weight",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for insisting my GF take care of her weight? | The title might be misleading, but hear me out.
My GF comes from a family that is mostly overweight. I told her that I’m worried and didn’t want the same to happen to her. I think it’s reasonable to ask that she exercises and takes care of her health now before it’s too late. She refuses to do so and says that I’m being a jerk. She’s slightly overweight at the moment, but I have no issues with it. I don’t want to lose my attraction to her and end up leaving, as I really do love her
Am I being the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
HfIwVMTVEph461fkBLFMxe5ck11fdkIz | b9tebw | {
"description": "not telling the guy I'm kind of dating that I kissed someone else",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for not telling the guy I'm kind of dating that I kissed someone else | Throwaway cuz they reddit.
So in December I(24F) started dating a guy(24M) that I briefly dated a solid 10 years ago (when we were teens) We stopped dating end of January because I'm a big dumb dummy but a few weeks ago started dating again. Things have been okay, hes moving away from the country in June for 2 years so we both know that the relationship isn't going anywhere but he's insanely fun to hang out with. About a week ago we talked about things being exclusive, and by that I mean he told me he had a dream where he cheated on me. I said "cheating implies were exclusive, are we?" He said "yeah, i'd consider us to be exclusive" and I just kind of said okay because I'm not REALLY talking to anyone else right now and didn't have intentions to date anyone else before he leaves. The situation feelings wise is also very complicated with this guy. I told him in January that I loved him and he only recently said it back. I didn't expect him to ever say it back and was fine with that but I feel like it complicates things.
​
Here's where the issue comes in, I talk to a friend(28M) that I like on a daily basis. We dated for about a month in October but he ended things because I have a kiddo. He didn't want to be a step dad so a relationship wasn't really an option for him. That's totally okay, I wasn't mad so we continued to be friends. Obviously I still liked him as more than a friend but was fine with just being friends. Hes funny af to be honest, why would I give up all them memes??? We've only hung out once since we stopped dating in November and it was really good seeing each other, until last night. Last night he was going to go out and I suggested he stop by my place to hang for like 10 mins and pregame with some really cheap alcohol. He came over and we ended up drinking more than planned but definitely weren't drunk or anything like that. We were just having a really good time and flirting etc. We ended up making out for....awhile. But that's it. He knows I'm seeing the other guy and I obviously am aware of this. It also wasn't just a one off making out thing, we kind of want to date each other more seriously. We also agreed that we shouldn't do anything more than that while I'm seeing someone because if we want it to be a serious thing that's a shitty start to it. (I have also literally never cheated on anyone before, if I had known his feelings towards me had changed I probably wouldn't have invited him over last night just to be safe.)
​
I'm not planning on telling (24M) because I'm pretty positive it will just hurt him? Like if we were going to try to be in a committed long term relationship or something I would OBVIOUSLY tell him, but were not. I also don't want to stop hanging out with either of them?
​
So reddit, AITA for not telling him about it? I already know I'm the asshole for kissing (28M) in the first place.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
sE4Wmlh4QYhWa7M2GZsDzlwqEA2lX1q2 | b4iwg6 | {
"description": "refusing to get an abortion and telling my mom she can't meet my son",
"pronormative_score": 139,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for refusing to get an abortion and telling my mom she can't meet my son. | Let's start this off with a bit of backstory. I don't want mom or my brother to find this.
​
My girlfriend and I( both 19) have known eachother for 9 years and been together romantically for 5 of them, we love each other. We fight and make fun of each other but we're in love. My mother however, dislikes my girlfriend and has made no attempt since we were ten and first met to try and make a relationship. She wanted me to have nothing to do with her and saw her as a rowdy delinquent and not a good influence on me. My girlfriend will tell you herself that she was terrible person as a kid but she's grown up a lot since then, we both have.
We mutually decided that we would wait until after university for marriage and kids and used condoms plus pulling out. But like everyone says it only takes one time and my girlfriend is pregnant after one night without a condom. My mom found out from my brother after he let accidentally let it slip. We were gonna tell her after we returned home from a summer long visit to my grandparents on my late father's side in California (found out in August 2018) but I told my brother beforehand for advice on what to tell her and he somehow let it slip to her. So we returned early from the trip and well mom flipped her shit and yelled at us for being reckless (we expected as much) when we got in the car then asked us what were our plans. We told her we were gonna keep it and she told us we need to to think about it more before deciding what to do it. My girlfriend told her we had spent two weeks thinking about since we found out and decided to keep the baby. Mom told us we were making a mistake and we'd regret it and the rest of the ride was tense and silence after that. Me and my girlfriend moved into our own place (with help from our grandparents) and my mom and I didn't talk the whole pregnancy.
Last week, we welcomed our son into the world and a made a post on Facebook about it only to get a call from my mother consisting mostly of her tearing me a new one for not 'making her get an abortion' (exact words) and trying to convince me to 'run while he can't remember me'. I told her to fuck off and hung up in her face. Yesterday she called and and apologized and asked when she could see her grandson. I asked if my brother also had a son I didn't know about and told her that as far as I was concerned, she gave up the right to be in his life when she told me to run and that she would NEVER see him until I say so. She started to cry and hung up.
​
My brother messaged me and told me I was 'too harsh' and 'she was just trying to look out for me' and that I should apologize and let her see him now that she's changed her tune. My mother's parents are also pissed at me for this but my girlfriend is on my side. I'm starting to wonder if we were too harsh on her and was she really trying to look after me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 137,
"EVERYBODY": 22,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 139,
"WRONG": 31
} | RIGHT |
1zr58yhxjJNQ31on2DmcrFitVjxwoczn | b8ck44 | {
"description": "saying bad things about my parents, in a speech where I have to be truthful",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for saying bad things about my parents, in a speech where I have to be truthful? | context: I was invited to share my testimony at a church. If you don't know what this means, I'm basically giving a speech about how my life was changed by knowing God. I'm not here to argue about God's existence, that should go without saying. Anyway, because of the nature and importance of this speech, I cannot lie. Not only is it morally questionable to lie in something like this, but my testimony is my life's story. I can't just change it.
​
Part of my testimony involves how my parents made me feel worthless, how I felt would amount to nothing in life because of them, and then how I found value in my life elsewhere. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to say they are bad parents, but the way they treated me made me feel this way. Upon hearing this, my parents immediately suggested large revisions to my testimony, which would have shifted the blame entirely away from them. I stood my ground. How I felt because of my parents was an essential part of my testimony. They complained that this would damage how people thought of them at church, which wasn't wrong. However, this was still MY testimony. I can't just change a fundamental part of my testimony and huge factor that affected my life. I will speak this coming Sunday and my testimony remains unchanged, and my parents' image will be damaged because of it. Am I the Asshole?
​
tl;dr: my parents made me feel worthless, i am going to say it on stage, they don't want me to for some very good reasons, but im gonna do it anyway because its the truth | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
8nfAbxSC2XbFsdKibuj4x0hal9wMfN0Q | aodpxy | {
"description": "not helping dad get a divorce",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping dad get a divorce | I am very close with both my parents, however they absolutely hate each other. They have been separated for about ten years now, but are still legally married.
My dad wants to remarry but says my mom won't sign the divorce papers to spite him. He has asked me (22M) to talk to my mom about it and to ask her to sign the divorce papers. I told him i didn't feel like it was my place.
Now, my mom isn't the most emotionally stable person. And I would also really prefer to not get in between their petty feud. But if my mom doesn't sign the papers he would have to pay a lot more in legal fees from what he told me.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NaZYu7EMKeRYD4gxRe4q25Chc1HlaI7C | b5io30 | {
"description": "calling out and humiliating somebody who reposted my post",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA If I called out and humiliated somebody who reposted my post? | Throwaway for reasons.
Several days ago, I submitted a text post to an unnamed sub that in turn was well-received. Today, I was browsing through a different sub when I saw the repost. Being me, I called the user out for it. Twenty minutes later, I received a DM from the user apologizing and that the repost was deleted.
All well and fine? No. Because the repost had stacked up almost 1k upvotes, it has been gnawing at me all day.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
fFjvV3XoYh9sFKFGkxtE4qV0tCJWDtA1 | b4ojyu | {
"description": "not spending time with family outside of work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not spending time with family outside of work? | For context, I am a 20 year old college dropout who is living with his parents. I am working basically full time hours at a fast food job where I talk to people constantly, despite the fact that I consider myself very introverted and socially anxious. I also do a lot of moving around and lifting in my job, to the point where I’m walking over 20,000 steps every workday, so I’m both physically and mentally exhausted when I get home.
Whenever I get home, I just want to spend that time in my room and relax. I tell my family that I have been around people and I just want to relax, but they respond by saying “We aren’t people, we are family!”, and acting offended when I don’t want to spend time with them. Whenever I do spend time with them, they make a big deal about how I decided to finally spend some time with them. I feel like I can’t really win either way.
I feel bad about not spending more time with them, but at the same time, I feel like I need the alone time to recharge for the next day. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XxCN1OON1IqeJpaaEgVz0dsPB6vRiOBc | a0limc | {
"description": "pressuring my girlfriend to break off her friendship with her bestfriend cause he bullied me and forced me to a different school",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pressuring my girlfriend to break off her friendship with her bestfriend cause he bullied me and forced me to a different school? | Tdlr at the bottom.
So me and my girlfriend have been going steady for about 2 months now. I told her about how I was forced to go a different school because of a kid who we will call M. She told me that M was her best friend and that he would never do that. Well I'm a 17 year old mtf transgender person who has Asperger's and have been bullied since 8th grade for being openly gay and trans. Once he found out he started bullying me. Calling me a fag, calling me a it and whatnot.
8th grade year I came out as gay and was writing a list of people who are and aren't supportive. I was in the middle of writing the people who weren't when a kid looked over saw his name and asked me if it was a hit list. So long story short he went around saying I was going to shoot up the school it followed me all the way to last year and through 3 schools.
So we were nearing the end of the school year and it's the second to last day. He said I was the reason for a stay in place that happened a few days ago. I said I wasn't we started pushing and shoving each other. Principal came and broke it up. He got suspended and my day went as normal. At around 6:30 that night police showed up at my door to inform me that I was not to go to school because I was a threat. Long story short he told one of his friends to send out a mass text saying I was gonna bomb the school. So I got told to stay home because I was a security risk to the school.
So I told my GF all about this and she said that she knows him and that he would never hurt a fly and that I'm a asshole because I'm blaming him for a problem I started. So Reddit Am I the asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sU4Joz1EHQbsXp5SxCWOKN8HIyQso6RI | 9xa0h6 | {
"description": "forcing my mother to talk to my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for forcing my mother to talk to my girlfriend | To start some background information. My girlfriend and I live with my parents in a 5 bedroom 2 bathroom house. Been that way for 3 years now. GF and mother never really had the best relationship they barely talk at all. So bad that at some points my GF has said she feels like an "unwelcome guest". I've never had the best luck with used vehicles. Most of mine have ended up in junk yards needing repairs costing more than I paid for them. So with me working nights and the girlfriend working days we decided to share her car.
Now my mother at age 45 has never had her license and has to rely on me or my father driving her to go grocery shopping, doctors appointments and such. 2 years ago my mother was in a work place accident and now cannot work. The year following my girlfriend and I bent over backwards to help her. Driving her to appointments, stopping getting her meds. Stuff like that.
Fast forward to today. My mother asks me if we could take my girlfriends car tomorrow to buy a card and cake for her upcoming anniversary. I asked if she asked the owner of the car. To which I receive a scoff and "why, you're the one driving me. So why does it matter" and " Tell you what, I will start asking her when she starts helping out around here. Until then I'll ask you". Now my GF and I have had a few issues with my mother essentially using us as a delivery service; pick her up pops or snacks or take her to buy last minute stuff. I asked her just last week if she needs anything to let the GF know before she's off work because we're tired of being used. So today we finally drew the line and told her that if she needs anything to ask before the GF leaves work or if she needs my girlfriend or I to drive her anywhere that she is required to ask my GF for permission to use the car otherwise she's SOL. Am I being an unreasonable asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qfjxRAbIvMoEkCGvI1XnOukXPLJEIenw | axtqu3 | {
"description": "taking my cat from my dad and his cat who she's bonded with",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA if I took my cat from my dad and his cat who she's bonded with? | TL;DR My dad has been watching my cat for the past year and it's time that I can take her back, but shes became good friends with my dad's cat. He said I cant take them both if I want, but he lives alone and I know that he doesnt actually want me to take his cat. Would it be a dick move to separate them?
About a year and a half ago, I got a cat(Luna). I love her more than anything and I'd do anything to make sure shes happy. I didnt find out until after moving to my current place that my roomate was allergic, and I had to send her to live with my dad for the year. My dad ended up getting his own kitten(Paris), who has grown up with Luna and now they're really good friends. My dad says I can take them both if I want.l, but knowing him, I know he would be really sad if I took them both and hes just trying to spare my feelings. At this point Luna has lived with them more than me and I'm not sure if itll just be better for me to leave her there. She seems really happy there right now and I'm not sure if itd be selfish of me to take her back at this point. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
n3ktacYQMTMooGBWBcHQSp9bsDBlyI7l | b47oe8 | {
"description": "refusing to meet up with a friend despite not being busy",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For refusing to meet up with a friend despite not being busy | So this is extremely small fry compared to some of the stuff on here but I had to vent. So a buddy of mine called me up an hour ago saying he'd just finished work and was at a pub that's about an hour walk away. II honestly don't have much going on but he'd invited a bunch of his work friends that I don't mind but I just dont gel te well with. I told him I wasn't feeling up to it. He prys as to what i've got to do instead "that's so important" I say not much but im just not feeling it .He then angrily tells me "He'll remember this" then hangs up on me.
Now I feel like a jerk for not going but at the same time i think he's overreacting a bit.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
g9abNZIb0Psfe3KjpVb0puXQStalAPCO | asr0za | {
"description": "not wanting my brother to adopt another cat",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my brother to adopt another cat? | So how do I start, My brother really likes cats and that's the only positive I can say bout his feelings towards cats, He doesn't care about the cats he doesn't feed them, he doesn't give them any attention, Hell his own damn cat loves me more than him just because I actually acknowledge that cats are LIVING beings that need care and attention.
Everytime I ask where his cat is, his usual response is "I don't care" but when the cat acts all lovey dovey around me he acts as if he cares bout the damn cat. He also usually scares the cat by screaming at it for no apparent reason, sprays them with water and attempt to drop them from high places, while the cat screams in terror HE FUCKING LAUGHS, Me and my lil brother agree that he genuinely isn't fit to take care of another cat. Am I just being selfish or am I being sensible about not wanting to taking on another responsibility that's supposed to be someone else's? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eNPbClhMecZWepgHQt1N9uF5u2WIBBae | 9wx11h | {
"description": "wanting to report my father for using my social to take out cable accounts in my name",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to report my father for using my social to take out cable accounts in my name? | When I was a minor my father took out lines of credit in my name to include several cable accounts and a furniture rental account. I, being a young minor, had no idea what a credit score was but I knew that my father would NEVER pay off these accounts so I just let him do it. Now I have a family of my own and my credit score is steadily dropping due to my father claiming he would pay off the accounts but never does. I want to do something but I don’t want to throw my dad in prison. I can’t afford to pay off his $1,500 debt in my name and I know he’s not going to pay it. My next objective is to call his wife and let her know my intentions. I really don’t want to go down this route but I also don’t want to be responsible for putting my dad away with all his open cases he could be put away a long time. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2mtddS8rX6LD8dIfayb8dVN5ipvFBWtN | b5kypl | {
"description": "not renting out my spare room",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not renting out my spare room? | Backstory:
My mom died in 2012. My dad went completely off the deep end and got into drugs and alcohol. I was out of the house by then, but he and my younger sister got evicted from our apartment. My 15 year old sister (we'll call her Ashley) had nowhere to go. She stayed with one of her best friends (Kelly) for about 5 months.
I grew up babysitting Kelly but after she hit her teen years I barely saw her. I heard a few stories about drugs, stealing, not being able to hold down a job for more than a few months, etc. You know, typical teenage drama.
Here we are today: Ashley and Kelly are both in their early twenties. Ashley lives with her boyfriend, a roommate, and another guy is crashing on her couch. (An entirely different issue, dude is freeloading and won't leave). I am almost 30, and live in a 3 bedroom apartment with my fiance, my now sober and disabled) father, and 4 cats.
Ashley calls me up and says Kelly has an emergency situation at home. She needs a place to stay. Can she crash with me for 2 or 3 MONTHS while she tries to find another place to live? Oh, and she wants to bring her unfixed, unvaccinated cat.
My 3rd bedroom is basically storage space, a futon, and three giant litter boxes. I told Ashley that Kelly is welcome to couch surf or stay a few nights on the futon if it's really an emergency, but I wasn't comfortable with an undisclosed amount of time without some kind of game plan.
After half an hour of bickering the likes of which we hadn't done since I was in high school, she tells me she can't believe how selfish I was and she was "SO disappointed in me as a sister".
Not 15 minutes later my dad walks into my bedroom with the other tactic - guilt. Kelly would be willing to pay for the room. Kelly's family took Ashley in when he was fucked up, Kelly should be like family to us, it's the "Christian" thing to do, why can't I show a little compassion, etc.
I told him he didnt understand the psychological and financial burden I'd be under, the legality of it, not to mention the stress and anxiety. Introducing another cat into my horde would bring a plethora of new issues. He left after telling me he was concerned about my immortal soul for being so callous.
Reddit, am I being an asshole for saying this girl is basically a stranger to me and my gut is telling me this isn't my problem? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z9ImLbZKanvVqLHYD1myPAggGSkuPbCe | a90huh | null | WIBTA if. Well would she be the asshole if she has a go at my uncle for neglecting to tell her that my cousin isn't coming for Christmas dinner | Sorry for formatting, on mobile yada yada yada.
So it's the 23rd of December and my mum has just spent the entire day slaving over the oven, creating a vegan nut roast for me, my 8 year old pescatarian brother and my vegan cousin. Which many would consider a pretty tough challenge. My entire family has spent weeks preparing for a vegan cousin at Christmas and what to feed her, scouring through recipe books and surfing the net for the best recipes.
So the day is up; nut roast is made; vegan gravy chilling in the fridge and we get a call on the home phone so my mum goes to pick it up.
"yes...uhuh... So what's the plan then.. Oh really... Hmm okay... Alright see you then"
So I ask her what the matter is, and it turns out that my uncle (who is coming over for Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day) has failed to explain to my mum that his daughter is not going to be eating at our house on Christmas day.
So we all had a couple of drinks and are pretty livid about the whole situation and decided to ask whether or not we would be the asshole of we were to have a go at my uncle for not telling us, after the hard work we put in?
TL;DR uncle doesn't tell mum about vegan cousin not coming for Christmas Dinner after spending the day preparing a meal so is planning to have a go at the uncle. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
xr6MTqUcGXYYlUr48AZ19o8l5FHwKZZQ | aj1ckx | {
"description": "setting a mental \"deadline\" for my bf to propose",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for setting a mental “deadline” for my bf to propose? | I’m 25, he’s about to be 26. We’ve been together for a little over 2 years and have lived together for a little more than 6 months.
I have a deadline of sorts, in my mind, that I’ve set. I was hesitant to move in together before being engaged so I told myself that if a year goes by and my bf hasn’t committed to building a live *together* (AKA putting a ring on it) then I’m out. I told him flat out early on that being in a married partnership was important to me. He agreed and said that it was for him, too. So we’re on the same page in that sense. But he never wants to talk about it. He doesn’t shut the conversation down abruptly, but he does try to scoot it under the rug or switch the subject.
The reason I have a deadline is because I don’t want to get stuck in a dead-end relationship. The kind where two people stay together out of convenience but don’t actually have a future together. I just don’t want to invest everything into a relationship, get totally screwed in the end, and have to rebuild my entire life from the ground up.
My desire to get married is mostly practical. I don’t care much about the actual ring or the actual wedding, although it would be fun or whatever. He doesn’t even need to do a big proposal or anything. I’m more interested in the legal benefits and protections that are provided in a marriage that you just don’t get while being in a domestic partnership. It’s also a career thing, too. The field in which I work is still very traditional and being single vs. married still alters people’s perception of you. Old fashioned and stupid, I know, but oh well.
I think that 3 years, at our age and having lived together for a whole year, is a good amount of time to figure out whether or not we should get married. I feel like, if it’s not hell yea by then, it’s a no.
Some people have agreed with me and others have said that it’s not fair for me to put that kind of pressure on my bf.
So... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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TsqW8FeJferKnyhk2ChEVv1uaJQLFmXG | a79ih1 | {
"description": "not tipping the beer can stand worker",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not tipping the beer can stand worker | I recently went to an arena that has little stands that sell canned beers. The beers themselves cost $12, so I went, ordered one and when asked to tip I declined, but when I left my friend said the worker seemed insulted that I didn't tip, but we literally had a two second interaction where they asked me what beer, I said which and they handed it to me and I paid. I work in the service industry, and I am a great tipper, I just don't feel like that two second interaction requires tipping. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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6R3DN3qO5BqcLA1PmS9lWWQRMCfIQ9eZ | 9yurwh | {
"description": "drunk texting my ex while in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for drunk texting my ex while in a relationship | I certainly feel like the asshole. Nothing was done just... I miss you stupid drunk shit. By the end of the night when i sobered up some I realized my dumb ass mistake and tried to tell her I just wanna be friends. But the damage was already done and she had already told my girlfriend. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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0P1uy9VOhsCIaaxC6ZiSK1lhix2zbXw4 | asgins | {
"description": "being upset that my dad won't do anything to fix our problem that caused humane services to give us a complaint",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset that my dad won’t do anything to fix our problem that caused humane services to give us a complaint? | just to note here, i’m still a kid, i’m unemployed because no where around here is hiring 15 yr olds for work. plus i have really bad mental health issues that prevent me from working at the moment.
anyways, i have no money, and i don’t have the skills or experience to fix the fence, or buy a tarp and/or an actual tether, or a shock collar, or anything. but since i’m the one who actually gives a genuine damn about the dog, all these problems go to me.
so back to the problem at hand, my dad gave me the sheet about the complaint, then when i confronted him and suggested options, he said “just watch her” like i don’t whenever i can, and she still gets out. i can’t see her half the time since she goes out a lot at night and the backyard light sucks and she’s a black colour. it’s difficult.
a big section of our fence was blown down during a snow storm and my dad has given every excuse under the sun about not fixing it, yet i know he’s too damn lazy to do anything about it. and i know it’s also because he doesn’t care about the dog enough to spend the money. it’s to the point that he turns me down every time i ask if he can take her to the vet to get her checked up, possibly get her some vaccines, etc..
i can’t walk her all the time either. she also despises getting walked during winter (because of all the ice and the salt) despite getting out of the yard all the time. my dad walks her sometimes but bailey really isn’t walked as much as she should during this time of year and i try my best but she will vehemently refuse to the point she tries to get her collar off. i try my best.
she doesn’t mind leaving the house, and doesn’t hesitate to bark in excitement when we say “wanna go for a ride in the car” but she just does not like to go for a walk once we clip on the leash.
i can’t confront my dad outside of texting about it because i know i’ll get angry (a trait i got from him), and he’ll get angry, and then i’ll say smth (like i’ll call him an asshole or something stupid like that) and he might hurt me, or try to take my phone. so that’s a no go.
anyways, bailey is a pretty anxious dog, from my dad being an angry asshole all her life or just her general personality or whatever, she’s kindve dog aggressive. she gets anxious and antsy and snaps kinda easily when a dog sniffs at her for a couple seconds. she’s nice to a couple dogs (fortunately) but i try my best to show her i can protect her because i know i would literally die for this dog.
if we don’t fix this problem, i’m scared one day she’ll either snap at a dog, and/or hurt them and i don’t want her to get into trouble and i don’t want another dog to get hurt because of my negligence. also, if we keep getting complaints, humane services can take her away, since she’s violating the animal control regulation in my city.
sorry if this isn’t explained well, i’m just,, frazzled and upset at the moment. i also will accept any judgement and will answer questions. sorry this is long. | HISTORICAL | {
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lxGPLQjRYmnR61NEaQV0MdZwHjN6WZWb | b69br3 | null | AITA? Theatre Deama OFFSTAGE. | I made a new account to get honest feedback, and who better to brutally judge me than Reddit?
The story: my teenage kid was recently cast as a lead in a play set in the 1890’s. I’m a pretty competent sewer, so they asked me to make one of the dresses for the show, which would be shared between my kid and another girl (there are two casts of leads, alternating shows each night).
They supplied the pattern and the fabric and told me to make it to fit my daughter, since she’s bigger than the other girl, and they’d just pin it to fit the smaller girl on the nights she performed.
I sewed the largest size on the pattern, but when we were done, it was still too tight in the bust for my daughter. The truth is, the dress pattern they chose is from the wrong era—about 100 years too early—but I did my best. Still, it just didn’t work for a girl with a chest, like my kid. However, it fit the skinnier girl like a glove and looked really nice, if a bit anachronistic.
I felt responsible for the dress not fitting my daughter right, so I contacted the director and offered to make a second dress, at my expense, from a different pattern, and they said that was fine. The new dress fits her perfectly, and is also a better fit for the period the show’s set in, so I thought we were cool.
However, when the other actress saw my daughter’s new dress, she wanted to wear it, too. The problem is, on their “off nights,” the girls are in the ensemble, and I want my kid to have the dress I worked so hard to make fit her! The other actress is pushing my daughter to wear some cast-off, ugly thing that nobody else wanted (literally a whore’s dress from Les Miserables) so she can have my daughter’s dress.
It’s not like the first dress I made is ugly...I put lots of time into it and even spent quite a bit of my own money on embellishments and notions for it, I admit, it’s not exactly right for a Belle Époque play if you’re going for accuracy, but it’s what they gave me to make. Besides, it’s still a very pretty dress and it fits the other girl perfectly.
To smooth things over, I went back to the fabric store and bought yet more material (again, at my own expense) to make a skirt for the other actress, something shaped kind of like my daughter’s dress, and more appropriate for the period. Then we said she can wear my daughter’s jacket with it when she’s the lead and my daughter’s in the ensemble, but she’s still unhappy. Now another cast member just told my daughter I’m being unreasonable and that she, my daughter, is selfish.
I spent lots of time and money and I just want my daughter to have the dress I made for her. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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pJO47pOowFdXKioOMS68mLU6lya1ZOX3 | amme6o | {
"description": "questioning my friend's religious reasonings",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For questioning my friend’s religious reasonings? | As background, my friend is a zealous Christian. I’m Christian to but I’m better described as an agnostic that chose a god. And I’m gay. So polar opposites on that front. However he just keeps becoming more and more zealous and I try to be supportive but he’s not really thinking for himself anymore which is what bugs me because it’s the Christians that have lost the ability of critical thinking when it comes to the Bible I and most of my friend group have a problem with. And I’m the only one trying to prevent that I feel. Anyway, on to what I did.
So out of nowhere he texts in the group chat that he’s getting rid of his iPhone and downgrading to a flip phone to help him stop watching porn so he can be closer to God who thinks it’s wrong. I’m fine with what he’s doing but I pointed out the Bible actually never says that it’s a sin to jerk it. I even tell him what my psychologist had told me about masturbation and how it’s actually healthy for people. He of course rebuttals with how the Bible talks about adultery and how he doesn’t feel he can separate watching porn from it. I correct him that I believe he means lust which I can understand so I suggest alternative methods of getting himself off, some of which I have tried and found to be more enjoyable to the point that I only watch porn if I need to be fast. He of course comes back with how he’d just rather not because God blah blah blah.
So was I the asshole for not just outright supporting his decision? I do think it comes from a poor viewpoint. I’m also gonna say that whenever he says stuff like this I do usually support him but try to figure out where the hell he got his reasoning from because for some unknown reason he also believes the only way to get to heaven is to follow the Bible as closely as possible when the Bible makes it explicitly clear that that’s not how it works.
| HISTORICAL | {
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fb6sPRg9esLx1x1D1QTY4NHj762888AY | aqxosb | {
"description": "insulting my grandmother after she patronized me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for insulting my grandmother after she patronized me? | I graduated college about 4 years ago in computer science and got my masters after that. For anyone who has any knowledge of computers and computer illiterate relatives know what comes next. I was relegated to "The IT guy" in the family. For the most part I don't really mind it. Most of the family at least knows only to call me when their problem is more than a google search problem. Except for my grandmother. My grandmother calls me at least 6-7 times a week demanding I fix whatever problem is bothering her now. Most of them are so simple that any google search will fix them but she refuses to do anything on her own and treats me like her personal computer slave.
​
There's also another problem with my grandmother, she thinks computers are worthless. Whenever I go over she decides to ask me when i'm getting a "real job" or tell me how me begin able to fix computers is "not a real skill". She doesn't understand anything about computers and thinks it's still the 60's with how computers work. So I avoid going over at all costs and get my mom to fix her problem and just tell her how too.
​
Last night though she began to blow my phone up telling me "hackers" were attacking her and I needed to come now. I had just got done with a 12 hour shift and told her I would come over in the morning before work but she demanded I come NOW and would not stop calling me or my parents (despite me not living with them) to get me to come. In the end I decided to just end my misery and go.
​
When I got there it turns out the "Hacker attack" was a rouge toolbar she had installed that was popping ad's up in her browser. I got rid of it and told her that she needs to be careful when downloading stuff but she (Very rudely) told me that it wasn't her fault and that a hacker put it there. I told her no, it was her fault and she needed to be more careful. She responded by telling me I was wrong and didn't know what I was talking about.
​
Well, Already having a bad day I decided to show her why she was wrong. I pulled up her download history and showed her exactly how she got the toolbar. After this she started to tell me I was wrong and that she was not "some stupid old lady" and that I was making fun of her. She then started ranting to me before I just got up and left. I told her she was wrong and to just accept it.
To this she said, "How dare you talk back to me like that you brat. I'm your grandmother, when I say something you do not disagree with me.
​
I responded with, "Well fuck you then you stupid bitch. I don't have to sit here and listen to your senile rant. Don't call me again you dumb cunt." before stomping out. On my way out as she was yelling I unplugged her ethernet cable from her router and blocked her number on my phone.
​
Well, since then she has been calling my parents non-stop telling them how much of a "little shit" I am and that I need to come back and fix whatever I did to her computer because she "can't reach google anymore".
​
Was what I did wrong? I feel a little bad but honestly, I'm sick of her and her shit. I know she's family but I don't think I should have to deal with this crap. | HISTORICAL | {
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P5180yRXmVI84vUvFpOweZ0QohzrHLR1 | aura9i | {
"description": "hating my step-dad and his family",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hating my step-dad and his family? | When my mom was 18 she hooked up with a guy named Bryan who was 17 and together they had me. Bryan didn’t want to be a father so he left my mother.
Years later my mom met a guy named Ryan and had a kid with her named Ellie.
Then later my mom gets with another guy named Kyle and they have a kid named Laurie.
Ryan, my first step-dad. My mom and him used to switch Ellie and I every week.
Ryan is with a girl named Amy. Amy had a kid named Lyle. They had a kid together named Winston.
About a year ago I came out and told my second step-dad Kyle that Ryan’s father, Chris, had been sexually harassing me for the past year. To name a few things he did:
-He offered to buy me a dildo. When I laughed and said my parents wouldn’t like that he said I didn’t have to tell them
-I was in a night gown one night and he was making a movement with his hands and when I looked down I realized he was staring at my privates under my night gown
-He would constantly rub my thighs closer to the parts I didn’t want him to touch
-He would groom me by getting me foods
-He shoved his hand down my shirt and tried to grab at my chest. I slapped his hand away
-When I told him about my online boyfriend he asked me if I had ever orgasmed before. I said “maybe” and he said “you haven’t. If you did you would have known.”
Once I told Kyle he told me I could stay with them. Ryan wanted me to be the one to fix our relationship after everything that happened. I had to get therapy and deal with all the pain and trauma his father caused all on my own.
Now for the part why I’m truly mad at his side of the family:
They abandoned me. I tried so hard to try and fix things with Ryan.
I’ve had an incredibly hard time dealing with the pain and trauma of all of this. I break down a lot and sometimes someone just touching me slightly makes me think that Chris is there trying to touch me.
Ryan’s entire family all think I’m an asshole, even Ellie. Ellie and I used to be so close but now she basically hates me and yells at me whenever she gets the chance. I don’t know what to do. Am I an asshole for reporting Chris? For the past year I’ve struggled with this question and I guess asking a bunch of people on reddit is how I’ll decide.
Note: Please don’t come on the post and comment that Chris didn’t actually harass me sexually or that I’m not really trans because I wore a night gown at one time. None of that will help me figure out if I am the asshole or not.
| HISTORICAL | {
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NMIDX1No9cvqQOlfaum66D2d5gKKTF4j | aec9vl | {
"description": "breaking things off with my so for suspicious activity",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For breaking things off with my SO for suspicious activity? | TLDR at the bottom.
I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. My SO and I (we will call her “Alex”) we’re seeing each other for about 6 months. Things were perfectly fine, we got along great with each other’s family/friends, our personalities/hobbies/interests coincided with one another’s very well, and we both had stable lives (she was in grad school I work full time after graduating last year). About 3ish weeks ago I introduced her to my parents (to me this is a big step. Friends/siblings are one thing, parents are a sign of faith in one another) and things went very smoothly over dinner and drinks. She had to get up early for a rotation the following morning so I dropped her off around 8 and went to finish the night with a few drinks at a friends house. My friend who is single was casually scrolling through Bumble (a dating app for those who are unaware) and suddenly came across Alex. Immediately I felt all the emotions, stun/fear/confusion/etc, but after some discussion my friend and I rationalized it as she either didn’t delete the app because she was never very active on it or the app does not delete your account automatically upon deleting the app. Sounded reasonable enough. Over the course of the next few weeks things started to seem erratic and I’m not sure if it’s subliminal paranoia or if it’s legitimate concern. At first i started to notice how little we actually hung out without having a bar/restaurant/excursion involved, and when asked she gave a very easy answer of “I hadn’t thought about it, I guess we just don’t have much time as is and going out just seems to come up. We can start staying in more from now on though”, which was more than good enough for me. But then when she started coming over I’d notice her consistently snapping and DM’ing the same guy (no text message/call that I had seen) late at night. Again I rationalized it as he was just a friend and that was when he was free/bored around his phone. Then she started randomly not responding to ANYTHING for long periods throughout the day, with a short text following when she finally did respond. Finally she started blowing off plans very very abruptly (which was extremely out of character for her. Alex was always punctual and at the least gave notice if she was late or if things would change). We’d have something set for days in advance then 5 minutes before she would cancel, or she would not answer at all and text back a few hours after apologizing that she had randomly fallen asleep at 5pm. Things came to a head when after 6 straight days of cancelled plans I asked her if something was wrong and told her things were feeling strange lately. I asked her about the guy she was talking to, why suddenly her time seem to be stretched so thin, and why she seemed to distant lately. She accused me of feeding into insecurities and told me that nothing had changed. After a few hours of back and forth followed by a few days of not talking, we were done.
TLDR; Am I the asshole for assuming there was something going on when things started to look suspicious? | HISTORICAL | {
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CGR5842TFN1fxFadrzHM1ey56lmpEBr6 | au4c2l | {
"description": "blocking someone for making advances on me, but spending a lot of time and money on me",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I block someone for making advances on me, but spent a lot of time and money on me? | Hey everyone, first time poster and I’m on mobile, so sorry for any issues that come up. For background, I’m a 16 year old girl on the west coast (will be important later), and I was playing League of Legends by myself a couple months ago when I met C.
C had a falling out with his previous friend group on league, and began to vent to me about how that group were basically his only friends, and he couldn’t believe what he even did for them to react like this. I’m normally a sympathetic person, so I continued to talk to him in order to keep him company.
Eventually, we traded Instagrams, then numbers. He kept talking to me about my looks, calling me pretty, etc. He asked how old I was, and I told him 16. He was shocked and said, “you look way older.”
He was 19, so at the time, we agreed to just stay friends. Until a few days ago.
My schedule was packed at the time, so I did not have time to play League, and we stopped talking for a while. I saw him on recently, and decided to invite him for a game and called him on discord.
After that, he starts sending me good morning/night texts, and from that day that we started to chat again, I played League with him every night. Since he lived on the east coast, he was 3 hours ahead of me, staying up until 1-2 am for him JUST to play league with me.
He began to call me “cute” and “beautiful” periodically as we’re playing. At first it was okay, but it soon made me feel uncomfortable, but I made jokes out of it to try to get rid of the awkwardness.
I made an offhand comment to him about how I was planning on buying Gun Goddess Miss Fortune, which, for those of you who don’t know, costs around $20 worth of in game money. Soon after, I receive a notification saying that I received a gift. And what was it? Gun Goddess Miss Fortune. From C.
Last night, C admitted to wanting to have a relationship with me, to which I replied again that I was underage. I found out that the age of consent in his state was 16, while the age of consent in my state was 18. I told him that even though it might be legal in his state, I was not comfortable in having a relationship with him because of the age gap.
Even after that, C still continued to call me cute and comment about my looks. I hadn’t told him before that it was making me uncomfortable as I try to avoid confrontation as best as I can, but I felt like I had to make my opinion known to him.
I told him that his compliments were making me uncomfortable and asked him to stop, and he agreed, but still held on to that that mentality when talking to me.
I talked to some people about this, and they all told me to block him as he is still making advances on me knowing I’m still underage. But I feel guilty as he stays up late just to talk to me, and spent his own money just to make me happy. WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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lLLLgAl3fpHqoY5wc8wJnf4WwN6Cb2Nb | ap9xtb | {
"description": "telling my parents they could have taken the dog out",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my parents they could have taken the dog out? | TL;DR at the bottom, didn't realize I would ramble this much.
This happened an hour ago.
Being in university, and with midterms coming up, I am completely swamped between completing assignments and studying for the tests. So, around this time in the semester, my day is spent mostly in my room studying, only leaving twice to eat with my family, and going to the bathroom, showering, etc. My parents can get a little frustrated with me being in my room all day studying, but for the most part they bite their tongue because it's for my education.
Naturally, I'm studying in my room, and my sister(13) comes in and asks if I can take the dog outside, but also includes that if I don't want to, then she has no problem doing it herself. However, I know that my dad has an issue with my mom or my sister going out to the yard alone, so whenever one of them says he needs to be taken out, I will typically volunteer if I'm not doing anything at the time. I ask her what everyone else is doing, because I'm busy studying so if anyone else has nothing to do then maybe they would be able to do it. My sister wasn't doing anything and my parents were watching TV. I told my sister that I'm working, but that I'll take him out anyways because my parents will be annoyed if I don't (because I made my younger sister do it instead of doing it myself).
Reluctantly, I got up and took him outside to walk around and go to the bathroom. When I came back inside, I went to the living room and, as calmly as possible, said to my parents:
\[M: Mom, D: Dad, Me: me\]
Me: "Guys, I have no problem with taking \[my dog\] out, but I'm studying and nobody else is doing anything, someone else could have taken him out."
M: (Passive-aggressively) "Oh sorry, we have made a mistake asking you, please forgive us."
Me: "I just said I have no problem taking him out, but if I'm busy and nobody else is doing anything, why can't anyone else do it?"
D: "You should be able to do anything anyone asks you to do, you have to start taking responsibility and helping out where you can."
Me: "But you guys are just watching TV, and \[sister\] isn't doing anything either, why did I have to take him out when I was the only one actually doing something?"
M: (yelling now) "We said we won't ask you again! Why are you making this more than it has to be!?"
Me: "It makes no sense, anyone else could have taken \[dog\] out, I'm the only one who is busy right now"
M: (still yelling) "Stop arguing! We said we won't ever ask you anymore! You don't do anything at home anyways so it was our mistake to expect you to do this!"
\[This especially ticked me off because I don't even live at home for the most part. My university is closer to my aunt's house, so I live with them and come home for the weekends only.\]
Me: "Okay."
and then I walked back to my room, and I could still hear them talking about how I "don't do anything".
TL;DR - Parents told me to take the dog out while I was studying, and nobody else in the house was doing anything. I take him out, but I also tell them somebody else, who isn't busy, could have taken him out. They snap at me.
So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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R1QDQMbqgELOutUFbCJb6ECxlsPBpOkR | a7zcc6 | {
"description": "refusing to pay for a service I didn't ask for",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For refusing to pay for a service I didn't ask for | I moved into an apartment recently and the dial mechanism for the stove was broken. I called a repair company to come look at it, and asked what the cost of the service was. They told me it was $60 for a diagnosis, and then they give a quote for how much labor and replacement parts cost.
The repair guy takes a look at the stove, unscrews a few screws makes an adjustment and then screws the unit back together. I ask him what the quote entails as far as parts and labor and how long it would take to fix, and he said "There's no parts to order, I already fixed it. somebody just had it screwed it on wrong". Then he hands me a bill for $120. I told him I was expecting to pay $60 for a diagnosis and to get a quote and he said he fixed it while diagnosing it so I had to pay $60 for the labor.
I refused to pay for labor and told him that he should have told me what the problem was and asked if I was willing to pay $60 labor to have him do the work instead of just doing the work and expecting me to pay. At the end of the day, he walked away with $60, but he was not happy about it. Am I the asshole? I thought for sure I was was in the right here, but I've told this to some people I know and was surprised to hear some people side with the repair man. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
gNk3H6gqkB6L1GYmnSvQGxXU8Trhy94m | b75nqs | {
"description": "not calling my uncle",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not calling my uncle? | For a bit of context my uncle lives in the opposite side of the country from where I live so I don’t see each other often but his side of the family and well both sides of my family tend to favor toward my brother (this will be important later).
My brother is a college student who lives alone and always gets on the honor roll and deans list so everyone loves to brag about him. The reason this is important is that my uncle and my grandfather like to call me but I would say about 80% of the call is about my brother. My brother doesn’t really like to call them either (I don’t know why) so they like to call me asking how he is and it gets tiring after a while of getting called and then being asked how my brother is so they can brag about him to their friends. I decided to stop calling my uncle but that also started another problem. When I would talk to my grandfather (he asks about my brother too but to a lesser extent) so after about a couple hours after me and my grandfather talked my uncle asked why I don’t call him and other things that make me feel guilty. AITH for not calling him and if not what should I say or should I just ignore people who keep asking about him too much. (Also our calls were about an hour so for about 45 minutes he would ask about my brother)
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kJUleVpH3znKNzD9OfrBU9N20ZFg8XT4 | acpxbu | {
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to give me the money I owe the dentist for missing my appointment due to his own fault",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for wanting my boyfriend to give me the money I owe the dentist for missing my appointment due to his own fault? | I had a dentist appointment on December 29 at 10am. I’m in college and so my dentist is in my hometown an hour away. I live with my boyfriend, and the alarm clock is on his side of the bed. My phone is broken and doesn’t have audio so I can’t set an alarm myself. I asked him to set an alarm early for me (7ish) and stressed how important it is I make the appointment so that I don’t have to pay my deductible again in 2019 and so I don’t pay a late fee. Well I woke up at 11am freaking out, and he was still asleep, and then apologized for turning off the alarm as soon as it went off. Now I owe the dentist another $100, which I wouldn’t have to pay if he didn’t shut off the alarm immediately. He says he can only give me $30 since he doesn’t have a job. AITA for expecting the full amount that I now owe the dentist for missing the appointment? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
njAUwhArx9bLJFBhzKctwUNg1jImt2kA | asgk8h | {
"description": "cancelling monthly donations",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I cancel monthly donations? | A little bit of background: I am a University student in the Bay Area, California. I work part time and I am mostly supported by financial aid.
Today, I was walking to class and I make eye contact with someone campaigning for the trees in California. He walks up to me and says, "Wow! Thank you for noticing me! People have been ignoring me all day." This made me feel bad and I gave him my time of day thinking he just wanted me to sign his petition.
He starts his speech about deforestation in California and says all he's looking for is a signature for his petition. Perfect, I sign the petition and I think that's the end of it. But he starts going on about contributions to his cause. I start to feel a little awkward and I usually don't know how to react in these kinds of situations. It's very easy to sell me something. I'm a wuss, I know.
I start to oppose and he takes my belongings (I was holding my jacket, a water bottle and a bag of chips) and gets me to sit with him at a nearby table. He is a pretty good salesman and starts to make me feel guilty about not contributing. He asked me things like, "isnt it a waste of time to sign my petition and not contribute?" And "you're a university student working towards your future. What if CA doesn't have a future? Don't you want your kids to see how beautiful CA is?"
I start to tell him that I'm a student and I don't have any money to give him. He starts to tell me "low cost" payment options. He says that one-time contributions of any amount can only be made with cash. If I use a debit/credit card, it will have to be monthly contributions of $20+. I told him, "I don't carry cash on me and I don't feel comfortable with having monthly payments. I just don't have that kind of money."
He started asking, "well what CAN you give?" And I said, "If I had cash, I would probably give you $10". He said, "Well ok! We can take the $10 with your debit card". And I asked, "well can I make a one time payment of $10 with my debit card?" And he says "no, but just put down your information and it'll charge it monthly."
I then asked him, "If I do it monthly, can I just cancel after one payment?" And he looks at me like I just insulted him and said, "well I'm really not looking for contributions for you to just cancel after one payment." And I told him again, "I don't want to make monthly payments". We went back and forth for a while.
I finally gave in and signed the contribution just to get away from him. The form did not have a beginning date or an end date. He told me it would charge me indefinitely until I cancel.
I feel very icky about the whole thing. I am very stressed out about the $10 a month so I am thinking of emailing the organization to cancel and report my card lost before they could charge me. Will I be the asshole if I do that? Am I legally obligated to pay them $10/month because I signed a contribution form? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ToBGrsKlKfTX9qCoLK0SJaGHPLapX32j | a3edmo | {
"description": "not covering rent when my housemate's so refused to pay their share",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not covering rent when my housemate's SO refused to pay their share? | Throwaway as I know my flatmate browses.
**TL;DR** - moved into a new house with best friend, their SO is living with us and is meant to pay a third of the rent from 2nd month but at the last minute refused to. I said I wouldn't cover the shortfall and now (because of bullet 1 below) they are acting rudely toward me in my own home and I have been asked to just ignore it, but I don't feel I should - am I missing something?
I recently rented a new house with one of my best friends and we had agreed that their SO would move in with us after the first month (the SO had to give a month notice on their flat) and that we would pay an even share of all costs after that point (so it would be 1/3 from then on). I paid half of the fees, deposit and first month's rent and my friend paid the other half. SO moved in practically straight away and has been at the house 4+ nights a week.
A few points for context:
* The house wasn't available right away and there was a month gap where I would have to find somewhere to stay, my best friend had a month left on their contract so I agreed to pay my them 2/3 of their rent costs and they stayed at their SO's place for the month (for free) so that we could offer on the new house together.
* The SO did not want to pay any deposit money or to be on the contract, which I'm fine with because couples have a tendency to break up and that would make things messy if they had paid money for the deposit.
It was a couple of days until we were due to pay the second month and my friend asks to speak to me and says that their SO has said it's not fair that they pay for the month as they technically wouldn't be "moving-in" until a few weeks after and then would be away over Christmas etc. As it turns out, the SO did not give notice in time on their current place and would be having to pay an extra month there. As an alternative the SO said that I should show gratitude to them (e.g. cover their rent) because I had stayed in my best friends room (which I paid them for!) whilst my best friend had stayed at the SO's place.
I said that if the SO was on the contract then this wouldn't even be up for debate and that, in any case, I shouldn't have to cover the cost of their mistake and that it wasn't fair for them to ask me to. We left it at that, and SO's costs have now been covered by best friend (which I still don't think is fair on them).
I've now been warned by best friend that SO is royally pissed at me (too angry to even be reasoned with) because they think I am ungrateful and that I should expect but ignore rude behavior toward me. AITA for wanting to tell SO quite bluntly to give it a fucking rest and quit acting out? I don't think I should have to stay quiet, but I am worried there's something I'm missing here?
Edit- formatting | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
SYUhzI0dTWhrzbaqXErvL2zLnD3dyjmf | b74443 | {
"description": "addressing a store employee with 'yo'",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for addressing a store employee with 'yo'? | A few weeks ago, I was in a store looking at some bagels. I had heard the bagels there were good, so I was really inspecting them, hoping to find a choice pack of bagels, but I was having a hard time evaluating their freshness.
​
There was a store employee stood right next to me, facing outwards, not performing any specific task but kind of standing 'on-alert' for requests or just keeping an eye on the store.
​
I turned to him with a pack of bagels in my hands, and said, verbatim (to the best of my recollection):
​
'Yo, are these bagels the fresh ones?'
​
He turned to me with a scowl and said 'First off, my names not yo'.
​
I immediately backpedalled and apologized, and then introduced myself. He simply pointed to where his name badge normally would be, but there was no badge, then kind of snorted and shook his head. He then pointed me to the right part of the store for fresh bagels.
​
I said 'thanks boss' before turning to go to that section, but he replied loudly 'I'm not the boss, she is' and pointed to another employee. I left it at that and went to get my fresh bagels.
​
I was pretty shaken up by the encounter, and am genuinely open to the possibility that what I said was out of line and an inappropriate way to greet a stranger. For some context, I'm a young guy and he also appeared to be a young guy (early to mid 20s?) which is part of why I felt comfortable asking the question the way I did.
​
I've brought this up with my friends who think there was a racial dimension to the whole incident (I'm Asian and he was black), and that maybe he felt disrespected because he thought I was putting on a show or speaking down to him or something? But that's honestly just the way I speak and how I grew up talking to my friends. Is there a racial aspect to the word 'yo' I might be unaware of as well?
​
I also thought that maybe he's a very prim and proper kind of guy, but later in that same trip I heard him yell out 'Yo, we got any cakes in the back?' which, I'm not gonna lie, annoyed me a little bit. Anyways, AITA?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
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