id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
SNVNwRniqXUq2k1P3GrQmOYd8IRIyXeG | akcfzb | {
"description": "writing off my young brothers depression as just posing",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for writing off my young brothers depression as just posing? | He is 13, and I don't spend that much time with him.Normally I'm really understing with people but the fact that everyone claims they have depression has gotten on my nerves.Here's why I think he is posing:
1)He has sad or depressive in all his online names.On one social media he literally is Sad Boy.I don't think depressed people showcase it off like this.
2)He has been at a mental medical profesionall and he didn't have anything.
3)He does not pose any of the symptomhs.He enjoy the same stuff just as much, he eats just fine, is not locking himself out etc. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
03dIU1F4QWjqM3zRQ2X04gG3n1Thwca0 | ax1xmt | {
"description": "forgetting to tell my girlfriend I was leaving earlier on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For forgetting to tell my girlfriend I was leaving earlier on my birthday? |
So today is my birthday (yay me) and I've had plans with my family to go out to dinner all week. I was with my girlfriend for most of the morning and we were hanging out playing a game together, my mom came in and let me know that we were going to be leaving earlier because there was suppose to be freezing rain (We had a storm the night before so it was pretty bad). I forgot to let my girlfriend know and just continued to play the game with her. It just sorta slipped my mind I wasn't paying much attention to my mom and heard just enough to clue into it, but yeah I forgot to let her know I was leaving earlier.
When the time to leave finally came around my mom was telling me to hurry up and that everyone was ready to go and they were just waiting on me, I had told my girlfriend that we were leaving earlier because of the freezing rain. I left our discord call and was trying to type to her as much as I could while my mom is rushing me out the door, My girlfriend was super upset that I didn't let her know we were leaving earlier and was saying if I leave I will "regret it" and was trying to make me not leave. My mom started yelling so I told my girlfriend I loved her and that I would try to message her if I could. I walked up the stairs and open up discord to find out she changed her profile picture to a picture she knows I don't like having as a profile picture because it is a bit revealing. she has down this multiple times and each time I've freaked out and begged her to take it off. But after I see this when I open my phone I get really upset and I start flipping and I did say something like "BooHoo I didn't let you know right when I found oh" and I was basically being pretty rude. She said if I went out with them I'd regret it and to come back right away, I told her I couldn't and she got more upset.
As we were driving there she continue to threaten me. When we finally arrived she had texted me with a picture of her sending private photos to another guy (Later I found out she didn't, but led me to believe she did) and kept saying she would send my stuff around as well. She said she would add my friends and send them my stuff and basically was just throwing threats around. When I finally got home I told her I wanted to hang out with my family and she proceeded to threaten me even more saying "If you leave you will regret it" and I finally told her I'd be fast. I came back and we started arguing again it feels like at least to me she is trying to deflect and minimize everything she has done.
​
AITA for forgetting to tell my girlfriend that we were leaving earlier that ended up turning into this big mess and blaming her and saying she ruined my birthday?
​
Also sorry if it's a little hard to understand or follow, I'm very bad at writing and getting my thoughts out in a understandable manner. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
7wugIQBW6VaDfb0XOo2AOLLwhwZeJ7MB | b2v8lg | {
"description": "not wanting my gf to get piercing",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting my GF to get piercing? | So my GF just "asked" me if she can get her nose pierced, I told her I'd prefer if she didn't as I think she looks better without, quite frankly I don't like the whole nose pierced & gages style. (As I think everyone has their right to not find a style attractive).
She then says that I should support her not tell her she'd look ugly and it wasn't a question but more her telling me.
AITA? Is there anyway to make comprises in these type of situations? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Ew8wmReNQ6kYjTrNFhnkPP7KL0amGlXu | aykztf | {
"description": "not clearing the snow from deck awning",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not clearing the snow from deck awning? | Parents have been on a month long vacation and left a small list of stuff do to while they are gone:
1. Take care of dog
2. Don't destroy the house
3. Dad (carpenter by trade) asks to clear the deck awning every few inches of snow so it doesn't cave in
Simple enough, at this point it's been 3 weeks and it has snowed a few times, each time I cleared the awning using this ridiculous shovel thing that is 20 feet long. Recently we were meant to get 5-8 inches over night and I had to be at work at 7 so with shoveling I have to wake up at 4, so I go to bed at 8. I wake up to over a foot and a half of snow, at this point I started shoveling and when it became clear I was going to be late for a variety of reasons and it was getting hazardous I call out. I continue to shovel and eventually got the drive way and front door cleared so I move to the awning. I should mention at this point the awning is not ready for winter it's a tarp being supported by "special" treated 1/2 in. wood, yeah you know a functional redneck tarp for the deck. Each snow fall before the tarp held fine, but that was 3 inches at a time. This time the tarp is starting to cave in and the wood is caving with it, I send a pic saying the awning is caving in and what happened and start clearing knowing this is gonna be bad. Less than 5 minutes later he says "Thanks for nothing can't even do what you're told, some marine" (I was active duty, got out about 2 years ago). At this point I stop clearing the tarp and just start moving the stuff under it out of the way and respond "fuck off, What did you want me to do wake up in the middle of the night to clear your half-assed deck? If this is so important drive back up and clear it yourself." At this point he tells me to call his friend and our neighbor over to prop the thing up and fix my fuck up. The snow is still there and I'm waiting for it to cave in, and they are still gone. I can predict the verdict will probably be EHS but seriously if he said this was a final product to his client they would demand a full refund, and the best part is he decided to not take it down when he had the chance because fuck it. Further to my point I told this story to my neighbor and his friend, both said they aren't helping it's his fault, let it fall. Dog is fine though, he's a good boy. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6PWcVaP1tcoAYaQG6vSYAzbOuFzg1vGB | b08af2 | {
"description": "not wanting to go to family gatherings with my so",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to go to family gatherings with my SO? | First post, sorry if it isnt up to standards but I need clarification & advice as to if I am over reacting.
A little bit of background:
His culture is very social, they are very family oriented and like to go out to each others houses and celebrate and party. They hug and kiss every single person when they arrive and hug and kiss when they leave the event. His family is always together and thoroughly enjoy socializing until the sun comes up (literally).
​
My family is the opposite. I guess we don't really have cultural social traditions like my boyfriend does. We rarely go to parties because my parents just prefer not to. Both of their jobs are extremely social (Mom is an ER Nurse and my dad is a police officer) so they just want to come home and relax. I never had to socialize with other people besides school and work.
​
So, him and I have been together for a year and his family absolutely loves me and I love them too. I am always invited to any social gathering they go to. I went to thanksgiving with them at their uncles house and I felt so left out I never wanted to go to another gathering with them again. When we walked through the door, I was greeted with tons of hugs and kisses from people I don't know, which makes me extremely uncomfortable. I do NOT like being touched by strangers, and I hate being forced to do so. I sucked it up and started the night off with some wine to calm some my nerves and some anxiety. It only got worse from there. His friends and family don't prefer to speak English and that is the only language I speak. So my boyfriend had to translate for me or summarize the conversation while I just sit there and nod with a smile. I wanted to go home. They kept asking him things about me in their native language when they could have said it in English to me. His family knew I was uncomfortable the moment I had to hug and kiss everyone, and his sister pulled me aside and said "Its our tradition, you need to get used to it." I got mad and said "Well that is not MY tradition." Which now that i look back on it, i feel really disrespectful about. My boyfriend did not leave me side and tried to comfort me as much as he could, but I am not a very social person-- i cant even be social if they aren't speaking to me in English. I've even tried to pick up on some phrases to try to talk to them. They even expected me to stay out until 3/4 in the morning. I said no and I wanted to leave. I had enough.
​
The entire night made me feel uncomfortable and my boyfriend knew that. I don't want to go to other social gatherings with them again. I have told them I get some pretty bad social anxiety in situations like those and all they said was "get well!". I don't think they understand very well, as they don't have that issue.
​
AITA?
​
(This is also just one instance there have been multiple) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
hQx68ZHlnrOUzMD1enkEOIcnjyStEwcc | ae6jgd | {
"description": "being mad and upset at my friend for replacing me with a girl",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being mad and upset at my friend for replacing me with a girl? | This is my first post here, I hope I'm doing it right.
So we've been friends for 6+ years now and we've had each other's backs all along. We were inseparable every day, he would help my family when I'm at work and I'd help his when he was busy.
He was that one friend who could never get together with the girl he liked, and I have had different girlfriends for the period of time, but never have I left him alone or dumped him because of that. I would always take him with me if it was okay with my girlfriend and the three of us had fun all the time. He was always my first choice, not my girlfriends. A few months ago he finally got together with a girl for the first time in his life and they have been together every day, every night and whenever he has free time. He stopped calling me, he stopped asking me to hang out. So basically if I don't call he won't ever and if I were to call I'd always get the same answer: "I'm going out with my girlfriend, sorry". I've told him countless times that he is being an awful friend as I was in need of support recently and he wasn't there to talk to me, he didn't even ask. I have always been there for him and I still am, yet again he just refuses to accept that he has changed his attitude towards me and we are constantly arguing about it, whenever we talk. Now I know that you can't expect people to treat you the same way you treat them, but am I an asshole for shaming him for it in front of everybody (family, friends, even his gf) every time he dumps me for her? Every time I tell him we need to talk about it he says we will, but we never get to. What is your opinion? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
BcxP3qh6GMe7HRIMRltCXNjaDc41oGVr | a9ps4d | {
"description": "being extremely blunt with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being extremely blunt with my friend | Obligatory formatting because on mobile...
Backstory: 37 years old now, I’ve know this guy J since high school, so close to 20 years. A few years ago during the 2016 election cycle we got into yet another argument where he would push his views onto our group chat without doing any reading. I pointed this out to him and he blew up and got pissed because he felt that I was always belittling him and trying to pick fights. I tried to make amends but he wasn’t having any of it. Now I like a good debate as much as the next guy but J would always just read the headline of an article and argue his point off that. Several times I’ve had to point him to the same news article that would refute his entire argument. It was extremely frustrating any honestly sometimes I really did think he was just trolling all of us.
A few months ago he reached out so we met up and talked things over. Basically he asked me to be nicer and to choose my words differently when arguing so as not to be such an asshole. So I told him that I couldn’t do that because I literally felt like I was being trolled most of the time. I didn’t feel like I should change if he was just going to continue trolling me. In addition to all this I asked why he even wanted to be friends anyways? He had been dating someone and we never saw him anyway. We’d ask him to hang out, get a drink, whatever...but he was always too busy. For his birthday another friend asked him to get drinks on a weekend and he just flat out said “I’m busy every weekend of the summer”. We all know it’s because he goes to see his SO every weekend,and he rather spend his time that way.
To be honest I’d already written him off as a friend just because we would never hang out, we would chat in a group chat but that was it. So my thinking was, why should I change my behavior to save a ‘friendship’ when truthfully there wasn’t anything to save? I couldn’t depend on the guy to be there when I needed him, so why bother? I thought I made it clear to him that I welcome him as a friend but I would not change myself for him. But he’s been talking to my other friends telling them that I’m some monster that has no interest of reconciling.
So AITA for just telling him like it is? I dont think longevity is a criteria for friendship and sometimes they just die out. If we actually hung out a lot together or missed the fact that we see each other I’d probably be more receptive to changing but fact of the matter is, I rarely saw him prior to our falling out so it doesn’t seem like a big deal to me to ‘lose’ this friend
TLDR; friend of 20 years wants me to be less argumentative so he can call me a friend. I said no because I don’t really consider him a friend so much anymore.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CiCHygMQY8UnnCIoNsxlw7Ofu2iNQNQh | b2ek53 | {
"description": "choosing my friend's ex girlfriend over our friendship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for choosing my friend's ex girlfriend over our friendship? | I've known and hung out with my friend Dave for 4 years. Over those 4 years we've had some good to great times. Our friendship on retrospect was superficial. It revolved on smoking weed, drinking, and video games. But i felt close.
Over the better part of the past couple he has been with Sarah. Sarah was always cool and we became friends but I never really tried to get in between their relationship. They broke up in October and since that time, Sarah and I have become very close.
Now this seems like it's going a certain direction but i promise this has been nothing but platonic from the jump. I had never hid the fact that Sarah and I hang out from Dave.
Now Sarah and I had a palentines day where we played with like 5 other people where we just played pong and board games. I told Dave this and he blew up at me, threw expletives and caused a real fracture in the friendship.
Fast forward to last weekend and Dave and I go to the gym. It's here he "confides" in me that he hasn't been coming to the gym because he's been experiencing symptoms from a so-called std he got from Sarah. I know immediately that this iss bullshit.
Not only has it been since October since they slept together, she never cheated although he did. He's fishing for a reaction for me or counting on me to tell her to get her to confront him. Basically i felt like he was just trying to manipulate me.
I made a choice to tell her because i choose this friendship that has become very important to me. They had a drunken interaction tonight on St paddys where everything came to light and he knows i told her. I feel this effectively ends our friendship.
So, am i the asshole?
Tldr; Superficial friend told me a bullshit lie that his ex girlfriend gave him an std. I told her because i value that friendship more. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TDEwqLvULNCClaYV4RKgc5VcwAYvG9BC | ah701b | {
"description": "reporting a sexual assault that happened to me months ago, even though I carried on a friendship with said abuser",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for reporting a sexual assault that happened to me months ago, even though I carried on a friendship with said abuser? | So here is the backstory- this might be long, so please bare with me. I work at a large non-profit, but at a small local office. I am on a team with four other members, all female and one male. The male and I are the same position (although I arguably carry all of the workload) and we frequently have to work together to get tasks done. Male shall be referred to as Richard from here on out (name changed for confidentiality purposes). The other females on our team will be referred to as Angel, Suzie and Debbie (team supervisor).
​
Richard is one of the most unprofessional people I have ever worked with, constantly interrupting people's flow (we work in a large, open desk room and concentration is lost quickly when someone interrupts) and not getting his work done in a timely manner. We really suffer due to his lack of professionalism, specifically in office outcomes.
​
On Halloween, there was a large party at one of our coworkers house, in which Richard was in attendance. He consistently over-drinks at group gatherings, work related or not, and this night was no exception. He was pretty intoxicated, and ended up getting into a small (but incredibly damaging) confrontation with one of the females on our team. Angel called out his behavior in regards to women. He is a womanizer and is constantly jumping from girl to girl. He was livid and privately spoke to me about the matter, in which he was vehemently angry, almost to a point at which I was scared for my own well-being.
​
Anyways, Richard held that resentment towards Angel, and it really started to eat away at him. He would bitch about Angel to other team members in private, and was PISSED that she did not apologize to him (ridiculous, I know). A couple of weeks ago, Richard began berating me because I would not give him one of my personal office supplies that I bought with my own money. He refused my no's three times, and finally, Angel stepped in. He verbally snapped at her in the office, and at one point lunged at her in a threatening way (he is much bigger than she is). Luckily our head boss of the office was able to step in and diffuse the situation.
​
Since then, our head boss has been having private meetings with each person involved in the conflict. Suzie pulled me aside one day and showed me a notebook in which she had been documenting every instance of inappropriate behavior committed by Richard at work events or in the office. There were 17 documented instances within the span of 8 months. Some of them were directed at her, and bordered on sexual harassment. I was floored. I never thought things were that bad, and I sure as hell didn't think that Suzie was documenting everything. Suzie met privately with our head boss and laid everything on the table, and our head boss was devastated. We work with vulnerable populations in our community, and this is a serious red flag for our head boss.
​
I began thinking about all of the times Richard made me feel uncomfortable. He has commented on my rapid loss of weight while in the office (I suffer from an eating disorder), has physically pulled me out of my office chair to hug me (after I had stuck my hand out only to be shaken) and has asked me who the biggest guy I've ever slept with was (referring to genital size). The worst instance took place when I was brand new with the company. I drove his car home from a work-related party with him inside (he was on the verge of black-out drunk and was in no shape to drive). I walked him to his door, and gave him a hug. As we hugged, he kissed my neck. I was unsure if he meant it for my cheek, but it landed on my neck. It was something that really shook me up. I have had past experiences with sexual assault, and this kind of brought it all back.
​
All of this to say, I had a friendship with him for long period after the kiss on the neck took place. We would regularly hang out with one more of our coworkers outside of work, but never one on one. I attended his birthday trip, and I would say we we friends. He told me a lot of personal information about his mental health/alcohol problem and I would always try to be patient and understanding. I never brought it up with him out of fear of retaliation (you saw how he reacted with Angel) and was nervous that he may not even remember it. I'm afraid that if I bring it up with my head boss, and he finds out, he will confront me with a "what the fuck? everything was fine for 8 months? why now?" I am really struggling working around him, as he makes me feel very uncomfortable, and tense. My meeting with my head boss is tomorrow morning, and I am not sure if I should bring it up or not.
​
WIBTA for presenting this information about Richard to our head boss, even though we were close friends after the most severe incident took place?
​
TL;DR- Male coworker is in trouble for workplace aggression & head boss is interviewing all involved. I'm pondering bringing up a sexual assault experience, but hesitant because we were good friends after the incident took place. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vTIkeEX3X3DsdtbOHhryNAO2LNdyvm8M | ael0an | {
"description": "eating my sister's expired food from the shared fridge",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA to eat my sister's expired food from the shared fridge? | My sister buys a lot of food that stays in the fridge and goes off so it later gets thrown away. I really disagree with wasting food but she says "it's her food to waste". AITA eating her expired food without asking? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
tc0UNKwrULYEIFnoxDsg1CVt8szmzHfC | a11fgv | {
"description": "not letting my cousin use my game account",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my cousin use my game account? | So yesterday at 12:30 AM, my phone woke me up with 2 of my cousins spamming me over and over again on Skype and Facebook. Annoyed, I checked it to see what they were asking me.
​
Turns out that my cousins wanted to use my game account. Usually I would let them use it with no trouble, but for this specific game I didn't want to because I had made friends on that account. My cousins usually gamethrow and troll so I was worried my friends would unfriend me if my cousins pretended to be me.
​
I also daily grind and pay attention to the stats on my account. Not every player on the server does but I'm more serious about this game than they are so I constantly check my stats to make sure I'm improving. Knowing how badly my cousins play, I knew they would ruin my stats.
​
I told them "Sorry, please ask another person to borrow their account" but one of my cousins called me selfish for not letting them borrow it. They let me borrow *their* account during the summer and I used it for a month or two before I got my own account, but that was back when none of us were serious about the game and the account was a clean slate.
​
Am I the asshole in this situation? My cousins and I are close and they let me use their account but I was always serious on there.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wn7MeVNVmOztkfan4SRv8Q2BSYiOYubq | aumaxa | {
"description": "blaming my fwb for getting an infection and not reminding them to wash their hands before contact",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for blaming my FWB for getting an infection and not reminding them to wash their hands before contact? | I am a clean person and take special note to keep my private bits fresh. I am also very sensitive and use unscented laundry soap. That said, with any sexual partner I have had I make sure to remind them that they need to be sanitary before any kind of contact. This means recently showered, hands washed, and if they want to go down on me they need to use mouthwash first (my gyno said that mouth germs can cause things to get funky).
I made my current fwb aware these things being important to me when we engage. As much as I love the heat of the moment, several times I have had to stop him before things got more heated to tell him to go wash his hands. It is kind of annoying and makes me wonder if his past partners did not care as much about their well-being. He has told me before that he washed them *recently*. But I would see him touching his phone, game controller, or whatever germ harboring thing. I explain to him that he needs to wash them right before. The next few times I remind him until I trust he will respect my wishes.
Well, a few days ago things got hot between us. It was very much in the moment, so when he was reaching his hands down my pants I did not say anything and enjoyed. He continued with his mouth, which I blindly assumed was clean. We finish up and all is fine. Within the next few times I go to the bathroom I notice that things start to smell fishy down there. I had not seen him go right before we did that, but was not paying attention either. I have never had issue with these kinds of things without impulsive sexual decisions (not STD’s, more like doing things while camping or in other less sanitary situations where immediate hand-washing and that sort of thing did not happen). A friend once told me that vagina’s clean themselves when I told her how much of a stickler I am in bed. I know this is true, but only to a certain extent.
So now I am left super irritated that he did not mind my wishes and I have to feel like an AH every time I need to remind him to wash up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
oEvvwf6tXgJJnFhso61qL9yNCJk8CULY | akh9e9 | {
"description": "asking my friend to stop commenting",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my friend to stop commenting? | To preface: We are all teenagers, so for sure some of the stuff here is amplified by the general insecurity and dickish nature at our age, sorry if this is a really petty post!
​
I have two friends that I regularly have meals with - my best friend, who is a lesbian (becomes relevant later), and a mutual male friend. The male friend is a bit of a 'player' - he has at least 4 FWBs and often talks about his sex life, which is awkward, since my bestie would be disowned if she got a girlfriend and I'm asexual. We go out for movies/dinner/walks etc around twice a week as a group, but hang out separately as well. Whenever we hang out as a group it's always fun and a good time is had by all, but my bestie generally has to leave first due to her driving and us other two bussing. Invariably, every time that it's just me and the male friend, he makes a comment to me about how much he wants to date my bestie. Comments include 'god, she's so hot', 'what can I say? those booty shorts do things to my dick', 'if she wasn't gay I'd hit that so hard', etc. He never says these things to her - he only ever comments to me once she leaves. There's some underlying resentment there as well because he doesn't believe asexuality is a real thing, and thinks I just need to masturbate to 'fix myself.'
​
Male friend also has an outspoken philosophy that if somebody upsets you, the absolute worst thing you can do is try to talk to them about it. If you can't deal with banter and jokes, that's on you, and any conversation around an issue isn't to be respected. Just hit back harder with another joke, don't show weakness or else people will double down on the thing that's upsetting you.
​
My bestie is aware of these comments that she makes behind her back and is uncomfortable, but is generally afraid of confrontation and doesn't really want to bring it up with him. The problem is more of a me thing. I find it really rude for him to constantly compliment her to me, as well as his attitude towards woman in general being really demeaning and disrespectful. I've told him in confidence that I have self-image issues and I'd prefer if he could keep the compliments between them two, as all it does is make me feel lesser when he constantly talks about how good my bestie is. My bestie agrees thoroughly and is really supportive and understanding, she tells me that he's just trying to mess with me and that in 15 years people won't care about his good looks, and that me and her both will be outta this town and making good relationships together that will matter far more than any scuzzy comments (she's the best <3). She knows about my jealousy and tells me it's coming from a totally realistic place and that it isn't fair for him to say things like that, especially behind her back.
&#x200B;
I've brought it up with him a few times, but he always plays it off as a joke and tells me to get over myself, and that just because he compliments HER doesn't mean he doesn't like ME any less. However, it's been getting to the point where I'm trying to get away from him as quick as I can at the end of a group hangout because I just don't want to hear about how sexy my bestie is and how much fun she was every time. Like.. I'm here too, dude. It culminated yesterday when I had to leave early for a change and he texted me out of the blue that 'after you left his minidate with (bestie) was so much fun. I texted him back and told him that I found it pretty rude to say that to me and that it made me feel like he wished I'd left earlier, and told him to just say those things to his face instead of to me because it was making me feel unwanted. He told me to cut the jealous crap and that he'd done nothing wrong, and that I was just upsetting myself and needed to stop having a rivalry. I think it's fair to say I'm jealous - but in a group of three, he constantly singles her out as the hottest, smartest, most fun. It's hard NOT to feel jealous. I know it's a petty thing to be upset about, and that I should just be agreeing with him and saying 'yes! she IS hot! I know!' because she is, but it's really ruining my time together with my friends and I don't want that to happen. I don't really have any other friends so I've admittedly put up. I repeated myself and asked him to just compliment her instead of make comments to me.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: Male friend in a group of three constantly talks about how cool and hot my bestie is to me and won't stop, especially once I leave the group hangout, despite knowing I have issues with that and asking him to stop several times. It makes me feel unwanted by comparison and want him to just compliment her direct instead of me having to hear about it. He thinks I'm jealous and am responsible for being in control of my own insecurities. I'm worried that I'm overreacting and I'm letting my own issues get in the way of things, but at the same time I'm inclined to think it really wouldn't be hard just to NOT make a comment everytime. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AiApYgQJSWNNlsRqaNptb264vfePgCfj | ax11g8 | {
"description": "not saying anything months at a time",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not saying anything months at a time? | Going to say right off the bat, my title for this situation isn’t very good, and doesn’t do much justice. I’m just going to type out the scenario, and some of you can put your thoughts below, just ignore the terrible title.
As for the person I’ll be bringing up here, I’ll just refer to them as Kendall, since I don’t want to risk any small chances of witch hunting to occur.
So Kendall and I have known each other for years. We met up on a social media site, and our only way of contacting each other, is through text messages. For the most part, things tended to be pretty laid back. We’d greet each other, say some nice things, and occasionally roleplayed. Nothing much happens in our conversations to be honest.
But anyways, things started going downhill when I became a bit inactive. I would occasionally disappear for a bit, sometimes for a week or two, sometimes a month. Whenever this happened, she would get upset with me, and understandably so. I genuinely felt bad for not being able to juggle my life outside and inside the phone properly. Soon after though, there were times where she would randomly disappear, or wouldn’t say anything until I messaged her. So now both of us were guilty of doing this, but whenever it was her that disappeared, I never got upset about it.
After some time, it started getting to me. I grew irritated whenever she got mad at me over this, as I’ve stated before, we were both guilty about it now. Eventually, I told her that it felt unfair for her to get mad at me like this, especially since I had always forgiven her whenever she was gone for a while. Just to give a little bit context, she got mad when I disappeared for a few days, when some time before, she vanished for a whole month.
She didn’t take what I said too nicely. Kendall got mad at me for being open about how I felt, and began to spout out how she had been working her butt of in school so that she wouldn’t get beaten. To give some more context, not once had she ever brought any of this up to me. It came out suddenly, and randomly.
Ever since then, we have been getting along off and on. One moment we’ll be cheerfully greeting each other, and the other, she’ll get angry over the following things:
1. Me not responding too often.
2. Me trying to break off our now toxic relationship.
3. Me not asking about any of her hobbies, or checking up on her personal life.
Mind you, she does all of this too, and kinda fails to catch this.
I could go on about the details, but I don’t want this to go on for much longer. If you guys want anymore clarification on the things that have happened between me and this person, you’re more than welcome to ask.
So, AITA? Honestly though, my post is a jumbled mess. I didn’t necessarily focus on the question I brought up, and I probably didn’t get into a lot of detail over some of the things here. Regardless though, I’d like to know anyone’s thoughts, and I’d be more than happy asking questions.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
ZposKn3gKWtAsXyMaxiaXXpxzedQ6xIn | b1ib71 | {
"description": "planning a poker night while on vacation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for planning a poker night while on vacation? |
For about 15 years I had a weekly poker game with a group of friends. We played for low stakes (winning or losing more than $50 in a night was rare), and while we were competitive the vibe was also casual and fun, with plenty of non poker discussion and kidding around going on.
Near the end of that 15 year period my then girlfriend, now wife, moved to town after we had begun the relationship as a long distance one. She had no interest in poker, so did not attend the weekly game. I am not a super social person and the weekly game was my primary interaction with many of my friends, so my wife felt somewhat excluded.
After living with me for about two years we moved across the country to her home state, thus bringing an end to my longtime participation in the weekly game. Since then a couple of the other regular players have also moved away, so there is no longer a weekly game at all. In my new town I've tried to get a new game going (on a monthly basis to start) involving some of my wife's friends, and we've played a few times but haven't yet made a regular thing of it. She has been supportive of this effort.
My wife and I visit my hometown about once a year, and each time I try to get those people who are still around from the game together to play. This has happened for about three years in a row now. Our next trip is in about a month, and when I asked my wife which nights she thought might be good for me to try to organize poker (we will be there for a full week), she got upset. She wants us to plan a night to hang out with my friends, but to not play poker so that she can be involved.
My take is that poker is what I did with this group of friends for years. It is our thing. I only visit once a year and so she should not begrudge me a night of poker, even if it excludes her. For the record, she would be welcome to come and either just hang out with us while we play, or let us teach her to play. Her take is that we are excluding her, she isn't getting a chance to spend time with my friends, and I'm taking away a night of our vacation for my own purposes. She made a few friends while living in my hometown but some of them have since moved, and there are maybe one or two left that she could potentially reach out to and see if she could do something with them on the night I play poker.
So AITA, or is she being unreasonable? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
4IkjSo2mNzuqyOZPXbjvHet1Kldzxwso | 9ztxbb | {
"description": "calling out my drug addict sister while she's trying to get clean",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling out my drug addict sister while she’s trying to get clean? | So yesterday was the first time in a few years that my sister came to my grandparent’s house for thanksgiving. My sister and I haven’t been very close since she tried to kill herself in front of me before I left for college.
For some context, since that incident my sister and I have had a volatile relationship. My first year at school she would send me videos of her self harming in order to get attention. Stole money from me. Started selling drugs. Started using drugs. Stole drugs from our very sick mom.
Her manipulative behavior got her my attention the first year, but for my own sanity I tried to pull away year two—she didn’t take kindly to this and responded by accusing me of battery to try to “ruin my life”, trying to suffocate me in my sleep, stealing my ID, making copies and selling it to her friends.
Now, apparently she’s trying to get clean. This isn’t the first time she’s made an effort. It happens periodically. She tries and then relapses and usually steals a lot of family shit and sells it to get her fix, she probably has BPD. I took a semester off from college Bc I have PTSD following some of the stuff I’ve witnessed at her hands. I’m a work in progress and definitely have a short fuse.
This was my first time home for thanksgiving since college as well.
My sister walked in and started typing away on her phone. I said hi, no response. For the last 8 months I’ve made a real effort reconnecting with her, listening to her to blame me for her drug use and unhappiness. Reiterating my love and support for her. Inviting her out for meals and fo cafes. Most of my efforts have resulted in wasted energy. I asked her why she hasn’t responded to any of my texts. She said she’s too busy. My brother asked if she has a job (no).
At the table she makes a snide comment about me taking time off from school and insults my brother and it really just set me off. She begins talking about how she is thinking of applying To college to study pharmaceuticals (what a great line of work for an addict!). My brother and I begin a line of questioning. How is she planning on financing college? Where does she want to go? Does she know it’s difficult to find scholarships? We aren’t explicitly nasty but definitely asking questions to make her less comfortable. She leaves shortly.
Later last night she texts me telling me she doesn’t respond to my texts Bc I’m a bitch and she’s fed up with me and my brother. I send her a lengthy message telling her I’m no longer going to accept this narrative she paints where she’s the victim. We are making an effort she isn’t entitled to. She needs to make an effort and she was rude first. She replies that I haven’t changed at all, she needs to move on from me so she will now remove me from her life.
My mom is mad at me for picking a fight with my clearly unstable sister and says I need to be more considerate and patient. I feel like she’s had far too many free passes, and eventually she needs to be held accountable. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
u3Rh4ltZ28t609XzhHb92lxDhTWraDu8 | axnydb | {
"description": "asking my friend to pay for what he broke",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I asked my friend to pay for what he broke? | I’m really at a loss here, so please tell me if I would be doing the wrong thing.
My boyfriend and I had a group of people over to our place last night to celebrate my friend’s 21st birthday—we’ll call him Jeff. We were getting ready to smoke outside, using our brand new, one-of-a-kind Pink Floyd bong that my boyfriend and I had just bought together (about a week ago). It was sitting on a table and Jeff asked a question but, when he did, he extended his arms out and a little behind him, knocking the bong onto the floor and breaking it.
Jeff was immediately extremely apologetic, but I was still very upset because my boyfriend and I normally keep finances separate, and this was our first bigger joint purchase. It was a total accident, so I can’t be mad at him for breaking the bong because shit happens, it was just pretty disappointing. My boyfriend and I continued to act normal so that we wouldn’t ruin the night, and smoked out of a pipe instead.
Jeff never offered to pay to replace the bong even though he broke it, and I was thinking about whether or not I should ask him for the money. On one hand, I feel bad because Jeff is a broke college student, but on the other hand, so are my boyfriend and I. We decided to make the investment because it is something we both really wanted, and it cost us $80. Jeff is unemployed but he should have some birthday money coming soon, I just feel bad asking for it because he never has money.
So, WIBTA for asking for $80 to replace our broken bong even though it was an accident and Jeff’s birthday?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 11,
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} | RIGHT |
GKbCSjE7S3mC5RwptOKdCCucUf2Ek3ND | a9tsnd | {
"description": "going full no contact with my best friend and a girl I was with for fucking each other",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for going full no contact with my best friend and a girl I was with for fucking each other. | Okay, so it's not as simple as the title might make it out to be.
A bit of info about me is I am away for work a month at a time and if I am not on working I have very little time to be on my phone answering texts, snaps etc.
It all begun a while ago when we (me and her) first met, we had a common friend that had a party and we hit it off pretty well. For a while nothing happened until we met again at a later party and both admitted our feelings.
We hung out a lot, both with friends at parties and just us two eating at restaurants and such. We never really committed to each other or did anything due to her being with someone already and I just don't do that. We just hung out for 3 months.
After that, she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend and we got a bit more committed, but nothing serious. A lot of flirting and "can't wait for you to get home" texts. Until I found out she was having herself with my best friend, who is better than me in most aspects but he is kind of a loose cannon, doing whatever he pleases. After this I told her that she was obviously not ready to commit to someone like me who is gone for so long at a time. This was while I was at work.
Well, one thing lead to another when I came home and suddenly we were back to how we were before that happent. I forgave her and him because we weren't truly committed and she seemed really sorry.
Well, the exact thing has happened again and I know if I don't do anything it'll just continue to repeat. But, I just don't know if I can get over her. Would I be the asshole for going completely silent on both of them? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
JHza0iXdYmr8LQUgwSV306HgWEZQMmin | 9u5zdf | {
"description": "telling my father about a fake gift",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I tell my father about a fake gift? | I've been gifted fake perfume from my father's new girlfriend, totalling about £300 if it were real. The gift itself is lovely, and I'm glad she thought about us so I'm not about to mention anything bad about the gift. However, my father is under the impression that it is real and thinks it's such a wonderful gift and won't stop mentioning it. WIBTA if I tell him the gifts were fake? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3uAwB3R1lmbhPO3zBzF28f6VnWCooY4r | aiiw7p | {
"description": "keeping my work computer until I receive my final pay check",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for keeping my work computer until I receive my final pay check | I left a job on pretty bad terms. Essentially saying in my resignation letter I would be using my pto time and ending my employment with company when the pto expires. They responded saying we accept your resignation effective immediately and I will not be getting my pto. Furthermore to return the laptop and all other company equipment and records immediately or my final check will be withheld. Now in the state of Delaware it is illegal to withold paychecks. So I have the lap top, they have my paycheck, and a court date is pending. Am I being petty? I have no desire or need for the laptop and had every intention on returning it until I felt they did me dirty. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UnkcAwfE0eGjJQFsGbd8aAg20CfYFtFg | aps3m1 | {
"description": "wanting a vegan wedding",
"pronormative_score": 156,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for wanting a vegan wedding? | So a little bit of backstory first.
I'm not vegan, my husband is. Yes he is my husband because we're already married on paper. We planned to have our big party this summer. So this party is going to be very different from your typical wedding. We are both pretty frugal and we don't really need or want any unecessary luxuries. It's going to be in our garden, with homemade food, composting toilets and a campfire.
Basically my family is ok with this non-traditional thing, but they kept nagging about the vegan food. They would say things like "But you need to think about you guest bla bla"and threatened to smuggle in some meat. I'm really protective of my husband because he's very shy and wouldn't dare to speak up to my family. So at one point I said something like "If you have a problem with this, don't come". In my opinion they are just pissed because they couldn't have their way. But maybe it's really a dick move of me and I should be more considerate. What do you think AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 144,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 156,
"WRONG": 21
} | RIGHT |
TgyNeRcC9e1PSxV1Uq5KvbUV8lBWIjXC | b780uo | {
"description": "cutting the matted fur off a stray cat",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I cut the matted fur off a stray cat? | There is a stray cat nearby where I work who I see almost every day. Since I got here a year and a half ago, he's had huge matted clumps of fur on his back and shoulder. I didn't want to try to cut it if it was freezing outside, but since it's spring and getting warmer, I figured I could try. Some of the other employees are really protective of these strays and feed them daily, so I'm worried I'll be the jerk for cutting the dead matted fur off this cat. I remember reading once that matted fur can hurt them, but I don't want to put the kitty through it if it's not bothering him. Pics for evidence below.
https://imgur.com/a/MpxEAXQ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZuMQ5727O2MaR4bU15WCfwSgdQcUSldS | ax7do7 | {
"description": "not liking pride",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not liking Pride? | Throwaway for obvious reasons.
Will try and keep it short. I (23 F) am bisexual but I get crap from straight and gay people as I am currently in a relationship with a guy, despite having previously dated both women and men before, and my best friend is gay.
My best friend had came out 6 months before this happened, but everyone and their mum knew, and understandingly became very much into pride, extremely vocal about gay rights etc. which I stress, there is nothing wrong with, but this did make him come across a bit sensitive about things. He's not like this anymore.
We were hanging out and our conversation went like this, not exact words but:
Best friend: Something about Gay Pride this year, excited to go, etc...
Me: I dunno man. I think I'm going to give it a pass from now on.
Best Friend: Why so? It's really important
Me: I find it silly that it's went from a free event to celebrate and support the LGBTQ+ community to costing a fortune to go, do anything, and I'll be honest, I don't like how I get dirty looks when I show up with my boyfriend.
Best Friend: Ah I guess.
Then it were really awkward. A little while later, he asked if I was going to a gay bar he had started going to because no one wanted to go with him anymore. I said no. We are all into metal and punk, and the gay bars in our city all play this crappy pop, synth, dance music.
Best friend then blows up at me, accusing me of being homophobic, not giving a damn about LGBTQ+ rights, and just in general insulting me. I tried to explain but he wasn't having any of it and accused me of faking being bi, despite knowing my previous dating history. The thing is, I used to go to Gay Pride every year, but now it's like £40 entry, everything's like festival prices for food, items, etc. and the music playing is acoustic guitar singers and z list pop bands, and I get made to feel uncomfortable if I attend with my male S/O. I also barely drink. I mainly go to gigs, and I hate sitting in bars, nevermind a bar that plays what is in my opinion shitty music for hours on end. This happened a few years ago. We have made up since then but I wouldn't say we're best friends anymore. We more just catch up with each on FB and very rarely hang out. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RDHzBEnjsLXAQ621Lgq4BzYchFanUayd | a9un4y | {
"description": "telling my father about my cousin's relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my father about my cousin's relationship ? |
So my cousin, who is one of my best friends got a girlfriend about 6 months ago and stopped never going out. We used to hang out almost every day but I now see him only when his girlfriend is out of town. We are 20 and live in away from our hometown for uni. We come from a muslim family,and his new girlfriend is christian. His father knows this and is okay with it, bit it will be relevent later. So my dad started to ask me why we don't hang around and I told him about the girlfriend. I make sure that he doesn't say this to anyone and knowing that he doesn't care about it. That was 3 months ago.
So fast forward to yesterday I'm talking to my dad and he causally mentions that my uncle is coming to visit and asked about me, my dad told him his son(my cousin) and I don't hang around because he doesn't have time and is in love
I decide to text the cousin and worn him about this, in case his father asks about us or something like that. Not even 5 minutes later, his girlfriend calls me and starts yelling at me, saying I'm messing with their life, meddling and that she is going to mess with me.I just say that she doesn't have the right to call me and that if my brother has a problem with it he should call. He calls and very calmly says that he didn't expect me telling my father that he used some excuse about school when they asked him. I ask why did his girlfriend call me, and why is she meddling when this isn't about her, but he claims she is the "center" of it. Then my other friends calls me and tells me that I am taking about her in our family, and how she is christian and that can't happen.
I text him an apology about me telling my dad, i didn't know it would be a problem and say how I'm hurt that he let his girlfriend talk to me that way, as he is aware about my social anxiety and knows that I hate conflicts, but he did not respond. That was this morning, it's 3am now and I can't sleep because I fill like I betrayed him.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
vkW86qO8PhnP3Dsjs9HX0BO3Q5Wd9jxh | b7r6is | {
"description": "demanding my landlord look for a hornet's nest",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for demanding my landlord look for a hornet's nest? | I've had 3 hornets in my apartment over the last 4 days and I'm starting to get a little concerned. I emailed The landlord and he said that he's 'supply me with a fly swatter and raid' and that he'd calk the windows.
&#x200B;
IMO I don't want to be on hornet look out all month with a can of raid. I'd rather him look for a hornet's nest and deal with that. Would I be the asshole if I demanded he look for and remove a possible nest?
&#x200B;
So, AITA for demanding he actually deal with this problem? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
i1jSvw93cb1o7Xht5kSvSVMxpZcCArY0 | b7wh6n | {
"description": "calling my degenerate grandfather by his first name instead of grandpa",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling my degenerate grandfather by his first name instead of grandpa | This is a long personal story and I don’t wanna go into it but basically my grandfather is an awful narcissistic asshole. It’s been an open secret for a while that he has been having an affair, he would often throw my grandma on a plane to visit us and spend the week with his mistress. There are hundreds of stories of him being an ass to my mom and making awful financial decisions that have put my grandmother in the place she is now. A few years ago my grandmothers hip gave out and needed surgery instead of being kind and helpful he abandoned her a week before Christmas and divorced her. My dad spent a year pulling the family together putting my grandma in a home, selling her old stuff and getting her a new hip. All was well for a few years except his repeated attempts to contact me. My brother still talks to him as he was to young to know what happened. I simply tell him I’m not interested in talking. Then recently my grandmother decided to move to a old folks home near us. So we flew down to Florida to move her out. On the first day my dad decided to have lunch with my grandfather almost as a goodbye because we won’t be returning soon. During that lunch i talked to his new girlfriend and tried my best to ignore him. Until he openly addressed me I answered as abruptly as I could and called him by his first name. He didn’t like that. I felt good doing it but later my dad said it was rude and I kinda feel bad. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oU5YvquU26Qz31SI1741ShX2Ov8uikYi | aj1to7 | {
"description": "feeling creeped out by someone complimenting my art",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for feeling creeped out by someone complimenting my art? | I am not a big artist, just around 500 Instagram followers.
But a few days ago someone started following me who really *loves* my work, she always posted several comments on every single picture, *bathing me* in compliments, also apologizing the whole time, telling me that her husband told her that she often gets creepily obsessed with people and keeps writing, trying to reassure me that she isn't a stalker over and over, I kept saying "yeah it's alright" at the beginning, but it is really startign to creep me out..
in the past 3 hours she posted 7 comments, she even goes back to other, older pictures where she already commented and writes even more comments!
She now starts rambling about how she exactly knows how I feel and she can always kind of already feel what my drawings will be?
And a few minutes ago she asked me to send her my artwork *for free of course* so she can colour it?
I feel bad because she really seems to love me stuff but.. it feels like it's a little *too much...*? or am I wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xF08fZxLDFG4Se4RiAzGLpF3eGlxJ11h | b2ymu9 | {
"description": "getting competitive over a charity event I did in honor of my brother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting competitive over a charity event I did in honor of my brother | My little brother unexpectedly passed less than a year ago. He was only a teenager. He had a condition that was serious but well maintained and his death was incredibly sudden and unexpected. Like one day you wake up to a normal day expecting nothing out of the ordinary and by the end of it, it’s the worst day of your life kind of thing.
Obviously nothing can really make this situation better. A few weeks after he passed away I found an event that raised money for the condition that my brother had & I thought it would be a good way of honoring his memory. The event was a couple of months away and my family and I put a lot of effort into raising as much money as we could for our team. On our team page we wrote about what had recently happened, details about my brother and the kind of person he was, and why we were doing the event in his memory. This experience really helped my family. It gave us something to look forward to/actively do for him. It meant a lot to us and gave us a lot of purpose.
We had a lot of small sum donations that amounted to a good amount. For a while we were the only team and then after we were always the top team. Which sounds so trivial but it meant so much to us to “win” for him.
Well closer to the day of the event another team signed up and started getting big donations. They probably had a team of 4 people with $1k donations each. We had a team of like 50 ppl with small sums that added up to around their total.
I went to look at their page and they had a young child with a condition that was doing really well.That’s what makes me feel like an asshole, because I get why they wanted to win too.
We worked really hard in order to catch up to them the last couple of days, but it seemed like every time we caught up to them or passed them they would slam down another $500-1000 donation.
At this point my family & I got pretty crazy competitive and basically did everything we could to win. I’m going to be honest, we probably raised a lot more money because of this & at the end of the day I know that’s what matters - getting the most money for a good cause. Before them we were at like $3-4K and after them we raised like $10k.
At the event as the top team we were allowed to talked about my brother to everyone there. It meant the world to my family /friends & I. Afterwards, the other team asked to talk to us & told us that they had read our story and said that they were trying to actively beat us.
I guess the thing that really bothered me was that they had known why were doing the event all along & could see how much it meant to us and still tried to beat us. Maybe because I know what it’s like but if in the future a team has recently lost someone I would tell our team that we should help them with donations/win, because I know what it probably means to them.
So, AITA & in the wrong for reacting like that/feeling this way? | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | NOBODY | {
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} | RIGHT |
jea9REztpFpPztB79DXngbib0LbbEsmT | b0fgel | {
"description": "asking my partner to not call me a \"bastard?\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For asking my partner to not call me a “bastard?” | I’ve been with my partner for a while now (10 months), and sometimes when we are just talking playfully, she will call me some things I consider harsh like “bastard” or “dumbass” and sort. I usually let things like “idiot” go, but some words do affect me. I’ve told her before about this and she half heartedly apologized, but recently it happened again, and she became upset saying I’m too sensitive. I don’t think I’m being too sensitive, and I’ve never called anything of the sort either (not even “stupid”). In her defense, she hasn’t told me not to use any words, though she did mention she doesn’t like “bitch” being used in a derogatory way, though her girlfriends sometimes use it among themselves. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BcQuZfGp3RLiUnPkx6s9opk1RxzUmH5Z | b28vtn | null | AITA Ride and Repair | Ok, so here is what you need to know. My car is in the shop. My friend has been driving me to the store and work, while I wait for the shop to get parts in so they can do the repairs. I have been giving them gas money, as well as a bit extra for their time.
&#x200B;
My friends car wouldn't start yesterday, so he had to get it taken to the shop as well. His mass air flow sensor is out and it will cost him $500 for repairs. He insists that since he has been giving me rides for the past few days I should pay half. I say I've paid him for gas and time, and I should not have to pay half the bill. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nI9sNIS64sJBnFC1foOptmhE3hyxx0eV | ao5ezi | {
"description": "immatating peoples walks when sitting down",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for immatating peoples walks when sitting down? | This is weird, no one has called me an asshole for it but I'm wondering if I'm pissing everyone off. I do this thing subconsciously I tap my feet to people's walking speed and match it. I don't know why I do it tbh but I'm just wondering if it's worth stopping.
It doesn't matter if the people are running, walking or going very slowly I always seem to match it then realise, would you think I'm an asshole for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
iE7x6nomWEFJ24BU0UyXDzlJsz32zdjp | a8y1f9 | {
"description": "not wanting my long-term GF to cuddle with her friends in our bed",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my long-term GF to cuddle with her friends in our bed? | GF of a year and a half is having a "sleepover" with her two lesbian friends where she will be cuddling and sharing our tiny twin bed with them. I'm not worried about anything sexual happening even though they plan on not being sober all night. I don't expect anything to happen and I told her that, but I also explained how this situation makes me uncomfortable and frankly I don't see it as very mature, and still said that they could do it even though I would feel uncomfortable. I was kinda just shut out and blamed for causing drama for expressing how I feel, even though I said she could do it, even though it makes me uncomfortable...
I'd like to clarify that I don't see anything wrong with their sexual preferences and fully support them, but still don't like the idea of the whole situation. Regardless of whether or not I'm the asshole I probably won't get past being uncomfortable during this situation, but as said before I won't try to stop them, I just feel "useless" I guess? I'm not sure how to describe it. Am I out of bounds here for not wanting this?
I guess here's more information about me. I am not a touchy person, grew up in a fairly conservative household regarding things like that, but don't really have any issue with other people that hug and kiss etc their friends. And my SO is aware of my more "distant" personality, where I choose to only have that kind of connection with very few people that I am close to.
I don't feel like I'm being overbearing here expressing my distaste for the whole event, but still allowing it and stewing in my own distaste of the situation (distaste is probably a strong word here, as I don't really care what others do, but feel like my chosen "lifestyle" should have more sway here given my SO and I are together).
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AokM04ioF50jfgFPnYu5ZiOSJUMiJfSP | at4acc | {
"description": "telling my mum that I'm going to put my ps4 in my room when her friend's guests stay over",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my mum that I'm gonna put my PS4 in my room when her friend's guests stay over | &#x200B;
So my mum's friend is having her 50th part at an 18 and above only bar, which i am completely fine with, all of her kids are 20 or over and it is her choice and her day, but what really annoys me is that my mum has offered to take two of her guests because the BD girl "has no space at her place" I then told my mum that when the two people stay over that im gonna move my PS4 upstairs into my room because 1. i dont know them 2. (my philosipy is 1 i give the respect you give me 2 if i dont know you i dont trust you 3 you fuck with me i fuck you up) i dont like random people sleeping in the same room as my ps4. she claims they are family and i do know them but i have never heard their names once in my fifteen years of life, not only that i dont really trust my mum when she says "family" (we have had alot of "family" shitting on us as a family because of her) My mum got really offended by me saying i will move my PS4, and just kept trying to say no leave it there, I have said it is not her choice because it is my (expensive) property and it will be moved along with my games and headphones ( it all adds up to around £500), but i was wondering whether I'm the arsehole in this situation because i dont trust them, because I dont know them. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
b8vIstPesjbu1w8M5pbbk8H3R8CqAxGu | b063jk | {
"description": "saying no to hanging out after I tried to make amends with my ex-friend and college roommate that I blocked from my life? I said no because I just wanted to put this all behind me. he was upset and said I was being fake",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for saying no to hanging out after I tried to make amends with my ex-friend and college roommate that I blocked from my life? I said no because I just wanted to put this all behind me. He was upset and said I was being fake. | So a little back story for context.
We were roommates in college and this friend had done some... questionable things as far as friendship goes. Taking the girl I was seeing at the time (and then sleeping with her in our room constantly), abusive behavior and getting upset over little things, pushing me into and breaking one of our tables, and just generally someone who would put you down for having any opinion that contradicts what you would think yourself. Overall sort of a narcissistic attitude towards everything.
I'm happily married now and before my new life starts I just wanted to reach out and say I'm sorry for not having talked in the longest and that I want to put this old grudge to bed. I still have reoccurring nightmares about this person and how he would act in general, and I'm not sure if it was just a result of the situations or if I was too petty and overly exaggerated things in my head.
Anyway I had called him and we chatted well for a while and I apologized for holding a grudge for so long. After the call he texted me asking if we could hang out soon and I said "no, nothing personal" and passed out afterward. I said this because my wife has enough on her plate with immigration and coming over to the US to suddenly deal with the situation of "Hey that guy I hated and never forgave in college, lets hang out with him lol"
He texted me back saying "well I don't accept your bullshit apology then and it was entirely self serving" - this was hard to read because I honestly wanted to say I'm sorry and that I want to put this bad part of my life to rest. But somehow he made me feel like it was all my fault that I didn't want to see him just yet to take care of things with my own NEW family first.
I responded saying that I didn't mean for it to sound cold, just that I have enough things to handle for now and I don't think the timing is right (or tbh if the timing will ever be right). I haven't gotten any reply yet and the whole situation is making me more anxious than it should have. I am starting to regret calling him at all.
Why would I have said "oh heck yes lets see each other" when I had just reached out for the first time in --years-- JUST to put this thing to bed, and I have my own work and life situation to deal with. Why did he have to make me feel like shit?
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
YDKkPaNq2YngX5mR5Qgm7RJdKtt2RvYK | a86dnf | {
"description": "asking my dad to not study with me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I asked my dad to not study with me? | So I’m a junior in HS during finals week. I have my last final tomorrow (French, over flashcards) and my stepmom was helping me quiz. I was flying through them!
However, the moment my dad walked in I blanked every single one. This isn’t the first time that’s happened either, in freshman year he pretty much made me forget all the info as soon as he walked in my study session. I know he is just trying to help, but for some weird reason I think he might be some weird bad luck thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad. I love school and have always done incredibly well. However, those things need to stay the fuck away from each other. If I were to ask my dad to not study with me anymore, would I be an asshole? Would I make him feel bad by telling him that when he studies with me I stress out to the point of memory loss? I don’t know why he stresses me out so much. He doesn’t any other time. Would I be the asshole here? Am I an asshole for just thinking like this at all? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NyHvzon8PZzNc2jDWO6ip5FmAbpDe67W | agljxq | {
"description": "having an opinion on my girlfriends family",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For having an opinion on my girlfriends family? | Its long and complicated so I'll try to keep it short. Throwaway for reasons. TL:DR at the bottom.
&#x200B;
My girlfriend and I have been dating for over two years, we live together, in our mid 20s, happy, no major problems in our relationship. Now, I love her family and thats the truth. They treat me like their own etc.
My big(est) issue is that my MIL doesn't have a car, so she relies on my girlfriends lease to get around. In the year and a half that she's had it, she (my girlfriend) has driven double the milage. so on a 3 year lease thats 36k miles, she's already at about 30k, courtesy of her mom 'needing the car'. What do they do in return for her? Nothing. (THEY GOT MAD AT US AND TOLD US WE AREN'T ALLOWED TO USE THEIR LAUNDRY MACHINES BECAUSE WE HAD TO DO LAUNDRY TWICE AT THEIR HOUSE BECAUSE MY WASHING MACHINE BROKE AND I WAS LITERALLY TOO BUSY TO GET IT FIXED. WE BRING OUR OWN DETERGENT!! Yet they let her sister come home and do laundry with her boyfriend whenever they want... Even though we're the ones that have to drive to go get them and drive them to their parents house!) I've tried to tell her that she needs to stop lending her car to her parents because she's always complaining that we can barely get our bills paid, and if she keeps this up, she's going to be a couple thousand dollars in the hole when she goes to get a new car, and when its time to step up to the plate with that money, who's going to help you out then? Not her parents because all they've ever known to do with this girl is take advantage. (I'm talking SERIOUSLY take advantage-- telling her she has to go to a local college because she needs to be able to babysit her younger siblings when her parents are at work... meanwhile they're fully supportive of their younger sister moving to the other side of the country to go to college and come back with nothing but failed classes. Thats a whole 'nother story)
&#x200B;
Why doesn't her MIL have a car? Because she just doesn't. FIL is a typical douchebag/alpha bro. sits at home all day not working, watching tv with his really big Rottweiler and a gun always at his side (Dog caused damage to the car by biting at it once when he saw a squirrel, and her father has refused to help her pay for it, even though its his dog). using the car thats supposed to be MIL's. So my girlfriend has to leave home early in the morning, bring her mom to work, then go to work herself, to then pick her mother up from work, to bring her grocery shopping, then to her home, then come home herself. Listen, I'm all about helping your family out, but man! Cmon, EVERYDAY you have to go out of your way? Its stressing me out because then I'm the one that gets to hear about it, and then look like the asshole when I say "maybe you should stop helping them"
Then comes her pregnant (other) sister who also doesn't have a car, so take one guess as to who needs to go out of her way to do things for her? i'll give you a hint, its not their Father who is sitting at home doing nothing in his car all day. No, Its my GF! Who just took another day out of work last week to bring her sister to a doctors app.
This is ridiculous.
Now heres where I need y'all to judge:
a week ago, FiL caught wind that I was 'talking shit about his family' (i.e. I was talking with my gf about all of this, telling her how I felt about her family using her, her pregnant sister relying on her to be a crutch because she and her boyfriend cant afford a place to live, never mind a car, her mother relying on her to do everything, her other sister thats off in college ad come back failing every semester) and he feels disrespected and 'banned me from his house' until I apologize. I Honestly feel like I shouldn't have to apologize because hey, if you feel offended, then that means you did something to make me think of you in a certain way, and you're just offended at the fact that I have an opinion. ESPECIALLY considering that i'm not going around chatting about this shit to friends and family. I've had conversations about this with my GF directly, With my sister because we are each others go to people when we need to vent.
So tell me, AITA?
&#x200B;
TL;DR: FIL 'banned me from his house' until I apologize for having an opinion on the fact that him and his family take advantage of their daughter and are doing nothing to help her out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
3ga5OsbidGH6gFlziGUdnmWkBv5gmN8j | 9z8vyy | {
"description": "being angry about two of my friends hiding their relationship from me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for being angry about two of my friends hiding their relationship from me? | I'm in a little bit of a dilemma. I don't know if I'm in the right, being upset with two of my best friends. They've been in some kind of relationship for a little over a year, but they've kept it a secret so far. I kind of get, why they would want to keep it quiet, because it could cause some problems at work (the three of us all work together at the same company).
However, I did find out pretty much immediately after it started. While it is a little disappointing that they feel the need to keep it a secret from me, that is not exactly what I'm upset about. Both of them have, seperately, talked to me about some pretty private stuff over the years, so they know they can trust me. Also it's not what I would do with a good friend, but I could accept that.
As I said, the three of us are rather close, so I'm more likely to notice this than most other people. Because of that, they apparently do everything to hide it from me. They lie to me, make up little stories and really go out of their way so that I wouldn't notice anything. This is what really pisses me off about it. I don't want to be lied to on a regular basis by two of my best friends. The worst thing about it is, that he actually knows that I know! A few weeks after it started, I asked him about it. He was a little shocked that I found out, but told me everything. I also told him that everytime they lie to me about it and everytime the three of us hang out together and they act as if everything is normal, it puts me in a really shitty position. I should be enjoying spending time with them, but I can't, because I know that all they do is an act and a lie and that really bugs me. He apologized about that and seemed to really get, why this was a problem for me. Lastly he made me promise to not tell anyone (I wouldn't have done that anyway) and also not to tell her, that I know. I didn't get why, but I decided to go with it. Everything was kinda good after that talk, or at least that's what I thought. However, we haven't talked about it since and nothing has changed. They still do it to this day and I'm really fed up with it.
In my opinion, that's a really shitty thing to do to a friend. What makes this a little more complicated is, that I have a major crush (at least) on the other friend. Neither of them know about it. I didn't even try anything with her, because she is obviously interested in him, not in me and I absolutely accept that. It does make me wonder, tough. Am I rightly upset, or just jealous?
I realize, that them being involved is their business and I'm honestly not trying to interfere with that. Even the fact that they're trying to hide it from me isn't really the problem. It bugs me, but I guess they're entitled to their privacy? I don't know. But the fact that they keep lying to me almost every day, really pisses me off.
I've been feeling really miserable lately. So much so, that other people noticed, something was up with me. I can't just let that go on any longer. I don't want to lose two good friends, but at this point, I'm not sure, if this can even be called a friendship anymore. I need to talk to them about it. I would honestly prefer to talk to her, just because she does all that, without knowing, that I know about their relationship. He actually does know how this hurts me and he still does it. I can't talk to her, if I want to keep my promise towards him, though. So I guess, I'll talk to him. Before I do that, I would just like to know, if I am right to be upset about this, or if I'm just overreacting or being jealous.
What do you think, WIBTA for telling him that I'm pissed about this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | RIGHT |
DGg76d6YNO8ekvpyPBiaCZqHu3ByBfcr | ba21kp | {
"description": "not trusting my friend when he tells me he has enough money",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not trusting my friend when he tells me he has enough money? | So I am about half a week in a two week long trip in Japan. A friend of mine who was living over seas wanted to tag along for the first week which I was ok with.
After choosing what I felt were decent prices on hostels/airbnbs and showing him how much lodging would cost he showed a bit of hesitation (this was because he was planning on getting a tattoo before the trip) he but he assured me everything would be fine. This should have been a red flag but I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I trusted his judgement. I wanted to enjoy my trip to Japan with my friend.
I also reminded him many months before the trip about the costs and to make sure he had extra money for his food and travels
Fast forward to the first day of our trip my friend beings to tell me he doesn't have enough money and that he needs to eat at places that aren't to expensive and also needs to borrow a bit of cash so he can have enough money to take a train ride back to the airport. (Which he didn't research before hand) I was fine with that and asked him if he was going to be ok with the rest of the money that he had. He said it would be ok.
On that same day while we were our eating, he asked if he can borrow more money. I told him that the only money I could lend him was the one I gave him for the train to the airport and that was it.
This made me lose my trust in his ability to handle his finances.
All day today he would make decisions that didn't make sense to me so I would always ask him how much money he has left just to make sure that he wasn't spending the money I gave for his train on other things. He always relied with a vague answer and would tell me not to worry about it.
And while he's telling not to worry about how much money he has left my friend was seriously considering purchasing a souvenir that costed around about half of what I gave him for his train ticket to the airport.
This was the last straw for me and at the hostel I confronted him asking him how much money he had left for the trip. He told me once again not to worry about it and to stop asking him.
I replied that I feel like I have to keep asking because of the decisions he's been making and now he's upset at me and isn't talking to me.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Mwvx71L79DL6YnV0Km5foT5xZ5MtkWqa | ago7n3 | {
"description": "waking up my boyfriend before he usually wakes up",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for waking up my boyfriend before he usually wakes up? | I (21 F) love my boyfriend (28 m) but he’s very grumpy in the mornings.
He usually wakes up 10-15 minutes before he leaves for work at 8:30 am. We got into an argument before because I would try to wake him up earlier to have breakfast with me. When I realized that he’d rather sleep in, I stopped bothering him.
Today I left for class at 8:05 and kissed him and cuddled him goodbye. I woke up at 7:30 and he usually sets his alarm for that time anyways and snoozes every 10 minutes. So when I said good bye to him, his alarm was already going off. Later while I was at school he texts me that he’s late for work and phrased it as if it was my fault cause I woke him up before he usually wakes up. Is this my fault? What should I do? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
chLn8DKjqecPMtWoueldLJy3knFj16ys | a2v5e7 | {
"description": "watching porn",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for watching porn | I'm not the best at writing so bear with me.
&#x200B;
Me (23M) and my girlfriend (22F) have been dating for about a year now and everything is going good (except for this currently) and I'm honestly not sure if I'm the asshole here. Here's the story, so every since I hit puberty I've been watching porn and mostly haven't thought anything of it since I figured most other ppl do as well. Well when I was younger I watched it pretty frequently but as I have gotten older the amount has significantly decreased, mostly do to me being able to have actual sex. So fast forward to now and I've been dating this amazing girl and we have sex pretty frequently, but sometimes shes not up for it which is obviously gonna happen now and then with anybody. So whenever that happens but I'm really needing release I'll find sometime later that day to take care of myself (which I use porn to help me do). Recently porn got brought up in a conversation which I'm honestly surprised never got mentioned until now and apparently she was under the impression that I didn't watch it, which I then informed her that I did. So now shes very mad at me and says that I've been betraying her trust and practically cheating on her, which I don't agree with at all. I guess i just don't see porn as cheating and I figured that she watched it sometimes also. Now I feel bad because I really hurt her but honestly it just never crossed my mind to talk about it. So Reddit AITA in this situation | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
seFO9cWCV2qs2f4q7z5fkUn9oXZHHHiJ | b49lgl | {
"description": "telling my friend I think he has herpes and refusing to play beer pong with him",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for telling my friend I think he has herpes and refusing to play beer pong with him? | Throwaway because friends know my Reddit account.
Basically last night a few friends and I got together at my place for some drinks, one of my friends had just got back from a trip to Asia. While he was out there he kept sending stories to the group chat of girls in bars propositioning him for sex. He says he never slept with any but he mentioning making out with a few. Initially we were just laughing about the situation together until I noticed this huge, nasty looking spot on his upper lip. It had multiple heads and looked way worse than a normal whitehead.
At the time I noticed we were playing beer pong. I stopped and asked him what was up with his lip, if anything happened to it. He said he just had a spot. I said he should definitely get it checked out because it’s a nasty looking spot and I said I was gonna stop playing beer pong.
I kept stressing I was just taking a precaution and he kept saying it wasn’t herpes. Another friend and I googled images of herpes spots and it looked *exactly* like what our friend had. So we said to him he should get checked out ASAP, he said he’d wait a few days and if it didn’t go down he’d go to the doctors. I’m a little bit of a hypochondriac and I firmly stated he should go first thing in the morning because herpes comes and goes so it doesn’t mean anything.
He’s a nice guy but he is very reckless and (if I’m honest) pretty dumb and blasé about things - I feel like making out with prostitutes in a foreign country proves this. He’s also a very smelly guy, like he literally stinks, so with his obvious poor hygiene I was really uneasy around someone who was quite possibly infectious and also didn’t give a crap about personal hygiene so I didn’t let him touch my computer to change the music and made him drink out of disposable cups.
Anyway my friend and I weren’t mean to him in the slightest, in fact if it was most of my other friends, who aren’t so sensitive, then I would have just said “bro you have fucking herpes get away from me”. As nice as he is, he should be taking precautions if he’s showing symptoms like that after making out with hookers in third world countries. I made him drink out of disposable cups the whole night and refused to play beer pong,
He seemed pretty bummed out the whole night. Other friend said he didn’t want to say anything and that he knew I would, but that he didn’t blame me and agreed with everything I said and did. Nobody called me an asshole but seeing my friend be bummed out made me feel like one, even though really I feel like *he* should have been taking precautions and not have left it up to us to say anything.
So, AITA? I feel justified but I’m no doctor and I don’t know exactly how contagious herpes is so I didn’t want to take any chances. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
tcLZp3ZdyT38Vw5Tfa1Rmq9Qpi9zmgpj | as0u7t | {
"description": "leaving work early Saturday and asking for today off",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA I left work early Saturday and I'm asking for today off | So last week Thursday I found out my grandpa was in the hospital, hes there every now and then but it's more serious this time. The whole family is there and my mom didnt even tell me he was admitted untill I called her that day to catch up. Hes still there, shes still being vague. That's just how she copes but I'm stressed as fuck.
Friday I asked for over a week prior so I could get together with my group from school for our project, and Friday was the only day we could all meet. I had a really hard time concentrating and spent most of the day crying instead of getting my homework done before our group met up.
Saturday I went into work but I asked to leave early. I told my boss what was going on in a text and hes not the best with handling bad news I guess, he just kept repeating "your grandpa is in the hospital" "I hope hes doing well but I guess hes not doing thaat well because hes in the hospital" and it just added on. My job keeps me in my head a lot because theres no one to really talk to. I asked to leave early after having a little breakdown in the bathroom (he doesnt know about that) and he agreed.
Sunday was my day off. I spent it with a boy whose like white noise. Whenever I'm with him I cant hear anything else and it was really refreshing, I got a lot done for my cultural studies project and I had a really good day in what felt like forever.
So today I feel like I can think, my grandpas still there but mom says hes coherent and knows who they are. My aunt brought her little dog in (he loves chico) so that was really nice. I asked for today off because I have so much to catch up on after this..emotional rollercoaster weekend. 2 tests due tomorrow, a speech outline, 6 pages of math to go plus some worksheets she gave us. I asked if I could have today off and that it was the last day I needed because everything is happening at once and my boss sent me a text saying how I'm calling off too much (literally just this weekend), how no one can fill my shift (even though theres 2 other employees that could, but he suspended one of them and doesnt want to call him in), and now we need to sit down and "have a talk".
I'm just the back of the house. I work 6 days a week and I'm in classes. My life got shook up a bit and I need some time to catch up. I thought I was being reasonable? I have him 6 hours notice. Am I being an asshole? I'm living paycheck to paycheck but I still understand when I need time for school and just, me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
zPHgxEpSmwh8SgnmZu8cl5yStdBA6yI4 | b9nm8r | {
"description": "cussing out my mom for going through my things",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for cussing out my mom for going through my things? | I'm 19F and live with mom who is widowed at 54. I like to have everything in a particular place: laptop on the table, pens on the right of that, paper on the left, etc. I hoard things that hold sentimental value that I can't find myself letting go of too.
I introduced mom to the KonMari method of cleaning and living lifestyle and she's been thrilled to try it out. It's been really good to her and the house has already felt more comfortable and joyful :) Told her I want to do my own room and things on my own time. Haven't done so yet b/c of school and work, you know how it goes.
Got home from a late shift tonight and walked into my room with all of my clothes piled onto the bed and things gathered into one area (per the KonMari method) and mom going through everything to put into "sparks joy" or "doesn't spark joy" piles.
I ask mom why she's going through my room and look around for important things I don't want to lose. Can't find them, start panicking, and ask more aggressively and angrily. I got very upset and said things like "what the fuck is wrong with you", "get the hell out", saying/interrupting her saying "fuck you" every time she tried to explain herself, slammed the door when she left, and said that she had no right to go through my things. The only thing she could fully ask was to have me stop swearing at her. She was calm the entire time and left without questioning it.
I've never cussed at my mom before. I never say the lesser words like "damn" or "shit" with her. I hardly say "crap" because I know she doesn't like it. As soon as she left and I could recompose myself I sat down and cried. I don't know why I did that, and I don't know why I reacted that way. I may be overthinking it, but maybe I need to get diagnosed for OCD since I realize get extremely uncomfortable when anything of mine is out of place or touched by someone else.
I feel like I'm rightfully angry to be mad since she went through my things even though I explicitly told her I'd organize it myself, but I feel awful that I had such an outburst and I don't know where it stemmed from. I don't know where to go from here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
mdlYyBDf3jRVVvfYCBm4u2ZrpIuvY3pc | azb03r | {
"description": "making my sister do chores when she comes home from college",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for making my sister do chores when she comes home from college? | My older sister starting going to college last year, and I will too in two years. But ever since she left, I’ve had to pick up doing all her chores in addition to mine.
First off, our dog gets up at 6:30 every morning, because he likes to get up when my parents leave for work and me for school. As a product of this, he gets up and paces to go out on the weekends, so our parents usually make us alternate who gets up to take care of him. This normally isn’t too bad, but since my sister left I’m getting up with him all the time, and never get to sleep in. When she’s home, usually for 2-5 days, I ask her to get up with him so I may sleep in. This is personally the biggest deal for me, since I already get up early on weekdays, and I know for a fact her earliest weekday class starts at 10 and she has no classes on weekends. I also feel like me covering for her when she’s gone all the time warrants me the few days of sleeping in when she’s here.
Secondly, we have other around the house chores. I usually mow, edge and blow off the lawn, take the trash out, vacuum, and do my own laundry plus my parents sometimes. My sister usually mops, cleans the pool, and does her laundry plus our parents sometimes. Usually we both do the dishes and wash the cars. However, when she leaves, for usually a month or two at a time, I am stuck having to do both our chores.
When she comes home, I ask her to get up with the dog and to do her chores, plus vacuum. She is complaining and yelling claiming that just because she is home doesn’t mean that I can stop doing things and force it onto her. Am I the asshole here?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
oWRoJUw2lxsVmsLfAvhhAE6TfYw7mnkj | aaycax | null | AITA Didn't talk to this girl that would not give me space when I asked for it | Right so me and this girl had been talking for a little bit and I always felt there was something off about her but I shrugged it off as I wanted to date again after a long failed relationship. Things were okay but she constantly would text me and wouldnt give me any space so I told her how I felt and it subsided for a bit, but she'd start doing it again after a few days. This would get on my nerves quite a bit as anyone who knows me knows that I always do see messages but I don't drop everything I'm doing to reply so it gets on my nerves when someone spams me when i dont reply especially if im driving. After a while I went through some tough times and me being stubborn I asked for space which she did give me... for one day in which she then blew up my phone once again and I snapped I'd already had been in a bad mood and warned her she continued so I completely ignored her in which she called me and then when that rang through she called again. After a few days I'd cooled off and told her in which she said how she'd just wanted to tell me she got a job. I said I didnt have a problem with that it was the fact she'd sent me 5 messages in the space of a few minutes and the called me minutes later when I asked for space. She left me alone for a while and my birthday was coming up and she had self invited herself down for it when I said I dont celebrate it and then she got mad because she'd brought a ticket to come down already when theres no space in the house for someone to stay over and I'd hadn't even agreed for her to come down. I didnt talk to her much and then a few weeks ago she spams me again telling me I lost a good girl and stuff like that. I was going to reply but before i could i got blocked. I know i could've handled it better, and I feel I am an asshole in this situation. She was very nice but right from the first date she talks about all these mental issues and stuff which I dont have a problem with it was just kinda a lot for a first date. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gSzb67NKVVRTRAfXhtc0EGik4lK1eY7a | ba677l | {
"description": "looking through my boyfriend's phone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for looking through my boyfriend’s phone? | So long story short I had trust issues with my boyfriend but I felt like it was just my anxiety. I felt bad for not trusting him and I made it clear to him that he never did anything to deserve me taking away his privacy like that.
One night we were showering and I got done before him so I was gonna get out. He kept telling me to wait for him to get out so I did. When I got out I noticed he had left his phone in the room which he never does because he always has it near him. I thought that he didn’t want me to get out before him because he thought I would snoop through his phone. I felt like I was being controlling but at the same time I was wondering why he would even be so scared of me looking through it? So I spent the next few days telling him I wouldn’t snoop through it anymore.
Come last night, he stayed out drinking till about 4 in the morning. I have him on find my friends and I usually track him because he tends to get too drunk and wonder off leaving me to find him and pick him up. I noticed he was at a House I was unfamiliar with.
When he finally got home he passed out right away. He was extremely wasted. So my paranoid self thought it would be a good chance to look. Turns out he is cheating on me. With one of his clients at work(he’s a personal trainer). So I guess I got what I was looking for.. although it’s not what I wanted.
I am definitely going to bring this up with him but I feel like he is going to guilt trip me for breaking his trust and looking through his phone.
AITA for snooping through his stuff?
TLDR: Didn’t trust my boyfriend. Would snoop through his phone all the time. Actually found out he is cheating on me. AITA for invading his privacy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
GxCVTqXGvMqg1mJRmI4okC9d01WuqYe6 | a25ed9 | {
"description": "telling a friend the real story of me sleeping with her ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA For telling a friend the real story of me sleeping with her ex? | Warning: may cause discomfort, rough story
This is a couple years back but this situation has been on my mind for years, it's been a serious problem that I've only recently started addressing in counseling but it doesn't seem like it's enough to make it stop bothering me. It especially doesn't help that because of what others say about alcohol and SA, I constantly go back and forth between it was my fault to it was an assault.
One of my best and closest friends for years has recently decided to drop me from her life because she feels I broke her trust. She says that me, sleeping with her ex (seperated for years but occasionally f-buddies but not during the period this happened) and one of my close friends, was something that proved me untrustworthy. Since there was alcohol involved on my end, the story to (at least to the few who I told) had become I got drunk and initiated, and it was my fault it happened. When she told me this, I was more crushed at the loss of her friendship than what had happened to me, and never really explained fully what happened, mostly because I did blame myself.
A few years back, I was saying goodbye to all my friends to go off to training. I was only going to be gone for 6 months, but we had a pretty tight friend group and it seemed appropriate to party with each friend or group before I was gone for so long. There was one group, 3 of my friends (B, J, and G) who lived together semi-near me that I went to visit. B was a really close friend, and J was who I considered my best friend up until about 6 months prior to then but I was still trying to hold onto the friendship because it was such a long one. It was especially weird because he had recently told me that he was interested in me throughout parts of our friendship and was jealous that I had a fling with his brother. I was trying to ignore this because he brought it up just a couple weeks before I had to leave so I figured it would just blow over.
What we normally did was I would go over there and hang out, drink some stuff that I brought myself, cook and eat and just talk. I figured this would be a lot like what we normally did, so I wasn't worried. I was planning on staying the night because of the alcohol. Normally I would crash in B's bed because he was very respectful of space and J would normally forbid it because of his "attire" when sleeping. But at this point, B had a GF and I wasn't comfortable sharing a bed with him because of respect for her. Normally then I would crash on the couch but J insisted I crash with him in his bed.
Normally after the conversation we had earlier that month, I would have refused and slept in G's bed since he was never there (but it was constantly filthy) and I was pretty drunk off of 3/4 a bottle of jager so I agreed to crash with J. J at this point is mostly sober, coming down off of a joint he had smoked a couple hours prior.
As soon as I got in the room, he had started being very persistent. I dont want to go into detail because its not super important, but it ranged from me not being close enough, to taking off clothes, to outright demands for sex. I had argued for as long as possible, saying no and giving reasoning and saying I was uncomfortable. I hoped he would stop. I felt super uncomfortable, but I didnt feel like he would disregard what I was saying forever. I trusted him too much at that point. I kept trying to fall asleep, and he kept insisting. Eventually when I was half asleep, he kept pushing on my shoulder and telling me to just roll over. I was so tired and uncomfortable and I couldn't leave and I kept thinking I couldn't even escape at this point, there were no locks on the bedrooms and B was asleep and I couldnt drive home and he wouldn't take no for an answer. I just rolled over.
I remember asking if he had protection, to which he said yes but didnt use. It was horrible. It was really uncomfortable and painful, super dry. I think he took my grunts of pain as some sort of encouragement. When it was over he finally let me sleep and I just sort of blacked out. In the morning it was disgusting. I wanted nothing to do with him. He was getting ready to leave for work, I refused to get up. He left and I just tried to clean myself as best I could, but was kind of in shock. I think I went into some sort of hysterics because I couldnt stop laughing. I went to breakfast with B, but he didnt say anything about it and I sort of ignored it. I went home and told another friend, asked for advice without mentioning any more than I had slept with J. She scolded me a little and told me I needed to tell my other friend, his ex. I was already planning on it, so I did. She was angry at me and didnt talk to me for months. Told me alcohol wasn't an excuse and I made my choices that night. And I guess part of me still believes that.
We haven't had even a text back and forth in a long time, over a year and a half. What makes it worse is that she was still seeing/ sleeping with her still ex after it happened. I dont think I can salvage the friendship, I just want closure. I want to tell her the truth of what happened, how it affected me, and just be done with it. I'm done being haunted by it and knowing that our friendship is gone over something she incorrectly assumed. But is it selfish of me to want that?
TLDR: I had been sexually assaulted by one of my friends, who was an ex of my best friend. Best friend, who was not told otherwise, assumed it was consensual and has broken friendship. I want closure by telling her the actual situation.
WIBTA if I told one of my past best friends that her ex, who was one of my best friends who she thought I consensually slept with behind her back, had actually sexually assaulted me and that's why our friendship is ruined? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
0ezs2caI6DNI3xiqCyE3eLi0KWWziyFU | ap8zk0 | {
"description": "breaking with my wife over e-mail",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | WIBTA If I broke with my wife over e-mail (context necessary!) | I get that normally breaking up over e-mail is bad, but I need to explain the situation.
My wife of 6 years and I recently moved out onto some land, that is a couple hours away from our friends. I've been having some doubts about our relationship and I think I'm in love with my Ex. My wife is away (back in town) for the weekend, staying with her best friends. I'm drunk and broken up over it, but I wonder if I should tell her while she's there and has the support of her friends, instead of at our home where she would be alone.
I feel like she deserves better than me. We are in an open relationship and she does not care that I have been spending time with and sexually involved with my ex, but I don't think she has any idea that I am falling in love with another woman.
WIBTA if I broke up with her over e-mail while she's with her friends, instead of waiting until she's back here with me? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
qnvLjFfI4Y4C3kavy3TWGZ2Dm2Zh7Mbf | arkriu | {
"description": "telling my mom she has 3 days to spend my money or I'll spend it myself",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my mom she has 3 days to spend my money or I'll spend it myself? | So in March 2018 I got this card with money on it, I told my mom she could spend it on the cats to get them helped and vaccinated. This money lasts until March 2019, which as you might know is soon.
The whole year she said that it didn't need to be hurried as she had till March 2019 to do it. Even last month she said she had the whole of February to do it.
There should be money left after using it for the cats and I want time to think on what to spend it after I know how much is left. If she decides the last day of February is a good time to do it I would have no time to even spend the money on anything I want and the leftover money would go to waste.
If however she can't get her shit together and spend it before February ends, all the money, around 400$, would go to waste and that's absolutely something I want to prevent. My mom has done things like this before, knowing a full year she has until a certain date and only a month after that date decides to do it and realizing she can't do it anymore.
So am I the asshole for telling her she has 3 days to spend money on the cats or I'll use the money myself as I have enough to use it on for myself? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z4fNlhlgWNxUXtQbDHegQUReL2UIHbZE | 9vyfdn | {
"description": "kicking a parent out of the rink because she refused to listen",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking a parent out of the rink because she refused to listen? | I’m a assistant referee at a local hockey rink, Just a hour ago I was reffing a junior hockey game. It was one team who was extremely rough (the goalie of the other team got a injury in the neck because of this team), against one who was fairly normal. The rough team slashed a player, ok time in the box, and then the same guy straight up punched a guy at face off, more time in the box, at this point the other team is getting angry. And the referees begun to take notice, at this point the parents and the player got angry saying the other player got in his way and it shouldn’t be his penalty, but surprise that’s not how it works. And the same dude decides to basically stab his stick into someone’s shoulder pad. That’s the final straw he was asked to leave, while doing this his parents went mad and started to swear and threaten the referees and anyone who doesn’t support his team. She was asked to leave as well. After this the game ended normally ( only had 10 minute on the clock anyway) and when I was done changing the parent was waiting for me. And said she is going to file a complaint. I feel I did the right thing but in the change room one of my co worker told me I should’ve just left him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SYG1RUVn895s2MUABTn0paTCN0rq2iNF | b2njyu | {
"description": "asking my bf we didn't split expenses 50/50",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I ask my bf we didn't split expenses 50/50? | So for some context my partner has a child and we are about to start looking at apartments/cheap houses to rent. He and his child are a package deal and I have no issues with that, they are honestly one of the few children I actually like and genuinely enjoy being around. However, they are not my child and I don't feel like paying as much rent for an extra bedroom, food, utilities, etc should by apart of my financial responsibilities. I don't think it should much more than me honestly, the amount would be something to discuss wth said partner if Reddit thinks I wouldn't be an asshole to even suggest it.
My partner and I are currently living on the upstairs portion of my parents house, graciously rent free. We have a room for his child but I honestly don't know how much an added expense they are as we are currently dealing with a HCBM. In general though, we typically pay 50/50 and when he needs some extra cash I just give it to him or on loan depending on the amount and vice versa. I don't think either of us feel cheated out of money or feel taken advantage of. Getting an actual place together is a step forward in our relationship and please don't get me wrong I have and do help pay for child expenses but it isn't a financial obligation... idk am in the wrong for thinking about suggesting this? In the future I don't think it'd be really something i'd care about as things change but this is all new | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Abg50eJchjIoyTPOiF52z22AKpKXR4YJ | a75h36 | {
"description": "dating my best friend's long term girlfriend a week after they broke up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for dating my best friend’s long term girlfriend a week after they broke up? | For context my best friend and I just finished our last year of high school. We have been very close for the last 3/4 years and had the majority of our classes together. Last year he moved in with his girlfriend when he was only 17. At the time people were suspicious but I and a few others knew he had a history of domestic abuse and was in and out of the hospital. He confided in me but was otherwise pretty private. He told me he was hesitant to live with his partner so young but he had no other options, so I supported his decision.
I don’t know too much about his time with his girlfriend but he was accepted into the family. For further context my best friend is a young European and his girlfriend’s family were first gen Vietnamese migrants so it was unusual to let a male into their home and live with them. He had only just months prior been allowed to sleep over after 2 years of them being together, so this was a sudden adjustment that shocked a lot of people (our community is primarily viet).
He became very dependent on the family and for the most part they seemed very happy. My friend and his girlfriend got a dog together and he became very close with the family.
It seemed sudden but they became distant during a busy period at school. He reached out to explain to me that he and his partner had starting fighting more often. At this time I started talking more to his girlfriend. In the past she and I had very minimal interaction and I knew she had advocated against me due to my drug use. Both she and my friend were very school oriented.
One night he messaged me saying that he had just broken up with his partner. He didn’t give much explanation but said he was upset, but his partner was far more hysterical. She threatened suicide and cried and begged for more chances, and my friend was too worried about her safety to leave to his mates house. So they stayed living together until the end of the week when he would move out.
Unbeknownst to me, they had gotten back together after a few days. His girlfriend was regularly taking to me suddenly after the breakup. That weekend we had our school formal and my friend and his girlfriend went together. They hadn’t publicly stated they weren’t together. That night at the after party while my friend was passed out I hooked up with her. We were both drunk and high.
A week later he broke up with her again and moved out to his friends house. He said that if she really desired they could try again once the stress of school had ended. She agreed, wrote him a love letter and was relatively pleasant on the goodbye as he moved out. That night he got drunk and made out with a girl that he had a relationship with years ago at a party his girlfriend was at. I figured he had moved on and so when his girlfriend kept talking to me I figured there was nothing wrong.
She asked me to do acid with her and then we hooked up at her house. This was 4 days after he moved out. I asked the girlfriend to keep it secret as I knew he would react poorly.
He asked me several times, admittedly apologetically, if he should be worried about a relationship between his now ex and I but I flatly told him there was nothing going on and that I was just comforting her because she hadn’t taken the breakup well. He apologised and said he just must have trust issues. His ex told me that he was very controlling and this was just an expression of that.
He eventually found out when talking to his ex mother in law. He was very upset and blasted me over the phone. He was borderline abusive, saying that I was a coward, that both his ex and I had betrayed his trust, been emotionally abusive and lost my respect. He said that I couldn’t understand the relationship that he had with his ex and that it was something he couldn’t even comprehend.
I tried to break it off with his ex but she kept telling me she was completely over him. My friend forgave me but made me promise I’d stay away from his ex until he finished school and was in a more stable state of mental health. His ex said this was controlling behaviour and completely unreasonable. I felt too uncomfortable seeing him after this and avoided him at school, as well as rejecting his attempted plans to hang out.
I figured seeing as the relationship was over between my friend and I, there was nothing stopping me from going out with his ex again. She is my first proper girlfriend and I’m really enthusiastic about our relationship. I even started inviting her to social events and everyone saw that my friend was the unreasonable one and was told about how controlling he was, and got to know her better. She started smoking and drinking with us and became a part of the group quickly.
My group supports me and nobody can tell someone who they can and can’t date. My ex friend has been telling people that he has the moral high ground and making up stories about why they broke up, claiming his ex was emotionally unable to deal with the complex and difficult emotions of a relationship of that nature so young that she became violent and would give him the silent treatment daily for several hours at a time. She hasn’t exhibited any of these behaviours to me so I think he is lying.
He has reached out to discuss it with me and his ex several times but I have blocked him because I don’t want his judgement or criticism. He says that he just wants to forgive and understand us but I think he is too far gone. He is very condescending about how I can’t understand his situation as he sacrificed a lot to move out from his ex’s. His ex’s sister blocked him on the phone of his ex mother in law and won’t let her speak to him. He accused us of defaming him and socially isolating him but I think the group just prefers having a girl around to him and didn’t like him much anyway. None of them really wanted to be his friend after school anyway which is nobody spoke to him after he found out about his ex and I. Only a few people have remained in contact with him and he must be manipulating them because they are critical of my relationship with his ex.
AITA for wanting a relationship with a person I love? We have been together for about a month now. My girlfriend has started talking to him again and he is reaching out to forgive us again but I think we need to distance ourselves from his controlling behaviours. My girlfriend says that if he respected either of us he wouldn’t want us apart when we are in love.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
lTZAJ3h9e4ErJC64PbcpcRlepbnpAKzN | a8ss5g | {
"description": "not wanting my ceremony filmed because my fiance's father won't be there",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA If I don't want my ceremony filmed because my fiance's father won't be there? | We are from the states.
My fiance and I have decided to get married with a destination wedding. It was the only venue my fiance fell in love with and the only venue that catered to everything we need. I fell in love with it too, but seeing him light up at it was amazing, and sealed the deal so to speak.
His mom is going, however his fsther vehemently is against going. The wedding wont be for 2 years, but he has already decided he isnt going. He gave off a list of excuses:
The first was that he didn't want to spend his money in another country - i sidetracked him asking why he had no problem spending money in Canada and Mexico then.
The second was "Who was going to watch their dogs?" - I reminded him that their friends can watch them, since they have before for long periods of time.
Another was that he couldn't afford it - i offered to pay out of my own pocket for him (although combined my future in laws bring home about 7800 a month, have no bills, and travel across the states in an RV retired - but I'm not a jerk to assume that they're perfectly well off regardless).
Those are the two i remember. There are more but I cant remember them but they were equally debunked.
One night though his mom got drunk and revealed the real reason - its because his dad cant smoke pot and doesnt want to go with out for so long. His dad doesn't want to go with oit pot for 4 days.
I confronted him about it with out my fiance knowing. He tried to deny it, but then admitted it. I just said "Your loss then" and left it at that. Since then he's been truing to convince my fiance to change his mind, but I always interject with "Are you going to pay for it?" And that ends the Place Change Conversation quickly.
Now my future MIL is begging my fiance to live stream the ceremony when originally we wanted no photography except by the photographer. She wants to have his dad there in her phone face timing when we originally asked that no phones be present during the ceremony. We were adamant about it originally because we would rather the photos be more professional than iPhone or whatever, but his mom is pushing for it. She is also starting to guilt trip him about the destination as well, but I put a stop to it every time.
Am I the asshole because I don't want to change what we both agreed on, because his father can't break a habit for 3 days?
I feel like it, but I'm adamant that I don't want the ceremony recorded, and we dont want any electronic devices present. This was something we both agreed on. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
2VzhLiHttUvqvYhVYOwDLNc1Pas290UL | a8vsib | null | AITA for GF’s reaction to texts? | (Throwaway)
We’ve been dating 2 years. For context I guess, last fall my dad passed away and I broke up with my GF two days after thanksgiving because I was feeling really overwhelmed with my dad passing and the demands of my family (I’m the head of household, oldest kid, became my mom’s right hand man when my dad left and she had cancer). We never stopped talking or sleeping together and when she asked me if I really didn’t see a future together, I could never say no, and we ended up “officially” back together by January. She’s been cheated on before, and when our relationship started I confessed during a conversation one day that some fake ass ex friends of mine told an ex girlfriend I cheated once, and broke us up.
Basic timeline of past week:
-Last Sunday night: after me cleaning out my room and emptying a built up laundry basket, my GF went in looking for her jeans/laundry and at the bottom of the (now empty) laundry basket was a used vibrator that my sister asked me to dispose of for her (when she moved to another country, mom lives in the same house) but I didn’t really want to touch or anything so it just ended up in the bottom of the basket. My GF says that’s just weird and she feels weird. She keeps asking why my sister wouldn’t give it to my mom to dispose of for her and how I could’ve forgotten it was in that basket. I feel like it would be pretty stupid of me to cheat and keep the evidence in my room, right?
-About an hour after that, my gf put our phones off the bed to charge for the night and some flirty texts from a (platonic) female friend showed up on my screen. I feel like I did the right thing in immediately showing her the conversation, right? But she says she’s still uncomfortable and needs to talk about it. The night she saw them she told me seeing me talk to another woman flirting made her feel less special, and like just one of my friends, I got kinda pissed and hurt and told her “better get out of my bed and not hang out with my family all weekend because I don’t let my friends do that” and in a moment of anger told her to go fuck herself. Monday morning I think I also called her pathetic at one point when she started crying about this again and telling me how confused she was.
I fell asleep but I’m pretty sure she went to sleep crying. I keep telling her it’s just a friend of my sister’s (which it IS) and she’s not a threat at all (she’s not pretty or my type). My girlfriend says she feels blindsided and feels like she only hears about my female friends when something makes her uncomfortable. She says the way my friend brought her (my GF) up in the texts makes her feel disrespected and she’s “disappointed” that my response seemed to encourage her. Basically this is the conversation:
My friend: “hey (insert local new restaurant here) soon? Gotta see you while your sister is here” (my sister lives in another country)
Her: “u can bring ur gf and I’ll try to behave”
Me: “don’t behave” or “don’t try” or something
Her: “don’t tease me”
Her: “I’d rather see you than not see you”
Her: “you know I love your sister but I really want to see you”
-the last 3 texts from her are what my gf saw, number wasn’t saved because I guess my friend got a new number since I last spoke to her-
All week my girlfriend has been annoying and insecure about this. She’s texted me like normal and sent memes but will still find a way to be all “hey hey hey” me: “what?” her: “sends a gif saying I love you” and then when I just say aww she seems disappointed that I don’t say I love you back. Do I really have to say it all the time? She says her love languages are words and quality time and touch but does she really need this much maintenance? Everything was fine until she saw those texts 😑
Then Friday she got mad because I’d left with my mom and sister to go see my sister in another state, and caught on to some of what she was saying and told her I wanted Sunday to for me time. She basically exploded and said she thought Sunday we could finally have some “real” alone time because we’ve been around my family non stop since we picked up my sister at the airport December 5th. She says she’s given up time we could’ve spent with her family or we could’ve spent alone because last weekend we did a partial “early Christmas” while my brother and his wife were here.
And she says her brother (in the military) made a surprise visit but she can’t drive to her mom’s (about 1.5-2 hrs away) to see him because she’s dog sitting for MY family while we were out of town Friday through about 9:30 Sat night. She left my house before we got back because I’d mentioned I’d be really tired from the drive back across states and didn’t have the energy to snuggle. She’s mad because she says she passed and let her mom buy tickets to a Christmas event thinking her and I would do something together like build a gingerbread house or go for a walk or decorate my gf’s room (she lives on her own) but how is that my fault that she didn’t ask me first? She said our only alone time was going out to run errands last Sunday- is that not good enough?
She says now she’s excluded from her family plans because it’s a sold out event but I told her sorry, I still want a day to myself to sit on the couch and watch football for my fantasy football league. Is that so bad of me? I haven’t gotten time to just chill and focus on football because of all this family stuff. Now she’s, I guess, spending the day alone? I don’t know. She said it would be nice if maybe I came over after football and we could leave from her place for her mom’s but I told her football ends at 11:30pm and I just want to sleep, plus then we’d have to double back for my car on Monday and her house is 20-30 mins away from mine.
She complains that it feels less like “alone time” for me and more like “no girlfriend time” because she says my mom and sister will still cook for us and make me a drink if I ask and be around, so I’m not really alone. She says she wishes I told her earlier than Friday and she maybe wouldn’t have dog sat for my mom.
I’ll go see her family and do Christmas dinner Monday night, they’re cool, and I still assume she’ll stay over Monday night to do presents Tuesday morning but I haven’t given her a real answer yet because I’m kinda on the fence with how difficult she’s being.
Today she said it disappointed her that I won’t make the effort to see her tonight, and she said maybe we can spend the night at her house Tuesday night before a big job interview and half day of work on Wednesday. I told her I’d rather have this fight, discussion, whatever she wants to call it before we hang out further after Christmas. She said she doesn’t feel like we have privacy at my house and doesn’t like feeling like I raise my voice so my mom and sister can hear us argue, and she thinks our disagreements should be private and between us. So I told her maybe we should meet somewhere and she’s all “I thought you hate arguing in public” and asking “Should I just ask you right now how you think this conversation’s going to go? Because clearly you’re on a different page than I am.” “It kind of feels like you really don’t care if we break up, right now. You just seem super blasé and uninvested.”
I haven’t said anything back to that since she sent it 1.5 hours ago. She also sent another text I hadn’t read yet but this is the copy and paste of it: “I’m trying to make time and an effort to talk about our feelings healthily and without getting mad at each other because we both have tempers- I get emotional and cry and you say mean things to me- and I feel like the only one who cares about putting the work in.”
TL;DR: Honestly, I don’t get why she’s gotten so worked up over some texts where I only sent ONE response, and I told her Thursday she’s the only woman for me, but she keeps saying I’m acting self-absorbed and “how people perceive things has real consequences” about how she thinks I talked to that girl and how I talk to her. What am I supposed to do, show up at her door with flowers? I just want her to shut up and move on from this so we can enjoy Christmas. Why isn’t it good enough for me to say “sorry you don’t remember me mentioning her but it’s a platonic friend of my sister’s and that’s just how I talk to my female friends.” What do I write to her back after she says she thinks I’m being blasé about this and don’t care if she breaks up with me?
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
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8wm1lHofgoXZZf0SG73EeqRHaZw5P049 | ajjtdq | {
"description": "shaving my head",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for shaving my head? | I'm a 19 years old male, and live with my uncle. It's summer in Argentina, around 30°C constant, sometimes going up to 40°C. I have curly hair, and a greasy, sweaty skin in general. I've never had my hair too short or too long, my uncle used to cut it down to around 1 cm every 3 months. Recently i've taken it on me so to get closer to the haircut i'd like instead of the repeating cycle of "short, a bit longer, short, a bit longer" that i've experienced for 18 years. I've just been cutting it down to 3 mm on the sides, and long enough for it to curl on the top. This summer i grew tired of the heat and awkwardness of my hair and just shaved it. I don't look bald, it just looks shaved, like at a quarter of a millimeter. It feels amazing, the constant itchiness, warmth and grease is gone. When my uncle saw it, he bursted screaming on how i look like i'm sick and like i do meth, that he can't use me to go outside for him anymore, and that i'm an asshole for doing this to him. Am i an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CT1UBufKvIwPeuitRhKDsWTSGwOMoJIP | ayh9xt | {
"description": "saving a puppy from children",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for saving a puppy from children? | So I was homeschooled. My family and other homeschoolers would meet up at a park. Nothing private so other families could go to said park. This family: 2 parents, 3 kids, and a small dog (Tan Dear Head Chihuahua puppy again I will say *puppy*). The dog was not on a leash walking around and sniffing, extremely friendly. Everyone noticed the dog especially the young children. My mom's friend daughter we will call her Tilly because she is a important part of the story.
Tilly points out to my younger sister that the small children are pulling on and throwing the small dog from his small paws and tugging on his ears and tail roughly to the point of yelping and when the dog when to the adults for help they would pick him up and toss him to the side like a toy they were annoyed with and kicking him hard. Tilly and my sister took the dog from the kids as they try and play literal tug of war with the dog by his head and hind legs. They gave him water and my mother and Tilly's mother noticed and both felt like they had to do something.
While the family was distracted they tucked the dog in a park bag that had carried my younger brothers tonka trucks in and got my siblings and I in the car. One in the car the bag was put on my lap and out came the small dog's head excited and curious. We immediately took him to the vet to find out he was barely 6 month old and was bruised. He later had fur falling out of his head we were afraid he had mange but its because the fur was removed repetitively to the point the spots was scarred. A vet friend said that with treatment like that the dog is lucky to have just been bruised. Especially when he was nearly thrown into some of the ***metal*** playground equipment. The kids seemed to like the dog but their rough housing was not healthy and the parents where not treating the dog like a living thing and not teaching the kids how to safely and respectively play with the dog.
We spoil him and named him after my great grandfather Reilly he to this day struggle to trust most people and are extremely protective of his protectors 4 years later but there isn't a day that goes by that I worry about the kids so now I have to ask. Were we the assholes for taking this small dog from children who loved him even though they were hurting him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
bz6Ed5QCRJojPIT0MObPEID0y2jst38t | apr6pr | {
"description": "getting angry at my little brother while he's sick",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA cause I got angry at my little brother while he’s sick? | So a little pretext, my little brother and I share a room and sleep on bunk beds. My other brother moved out, and my little brother was supposed to move in to my older brothers room. But because he’s sick (and it’s not contagious) he’s still sharing a room with me. Nothing serious for him, it’s just like a strain of the flu. Headaches, slight nausea, maybe vomits once every few days, messed up sleep schedule. Wakes up at 2pm and goes to bed at 4am
Now on to my anger. For the last couple of weeks my little brother has been sick. And most of the time when he asks me to get him something, like an orange or some water, I’ll get it for him, because treat others how you would want to be treated, right? So for the last few weeks, while I’m home, 90% of the time I grab whatever he asks for and gives it to him.
So tonight, it’s like 10:40pm and I just started trying to sleep. The bed was just how I liked it, blankets are warm, and I’m starting to doze off. He wakes me up, to go throw something out. I grumble and ask why he can’t do it, but still go and throw it out. Then get back into bed. Takes me til about 11:30 before I get comfortable enough to start dozing off again. Like a minute away from falling asleep. He wakes me up again to get him a bottle of water. I start getting a little angry, but get him the water. I quickly grab it and give it to him. And try to go back to bed. Now I’m tossing and turning, trying to go back to sleep, while he watches some Netflix show. No headphones, nothing. Just watching the show. It’s like 11:40 now. I ask him to put on headphones, cause I have to be up at 6am for to finish my homework for my ethics class. He starts complaining about it. Now in the past, he’s just watched Netflix of YouTube without headphones this late, so I gave him like 3 pairs of headphones. 3 pairs, so I could sleep in peace. He starts complaining about having to wear headphones, and it takes me like 5 minutes to get him to wear a pair. I try going back to sleep. Now he’s tossing and turning, and starts to complain because the headphones are uncomfortable, and tries to guilt trip me. It starts to work. This is the point where I get angry. I just yell at him for a minute.
I feel very guilty about yelling at him, but I’m writing this post at 12:21am, needing to get up at 6am to finish stuff for my college class. And when I talk to my dad about it, he said, “cut him some slack, he’s sick.” | HISTORICAL | {
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} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | RIGHT |
iIJDV9daEXERnyRoSYxvnmGQhlj1v4dK | a5nbjk | {
"description": "pulling a prank on my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for pulling a prank on my best friend? | So my best friend is getting married! He asked for me to be his best man which I obviously agreed to. He is a really good guy and pretty innocent, only ever been with his soon to be wife.
So me and his wife planned a prank for his bachelor party. (Important thing to note, he has a bit of a voyeur fetish and him and his wife both have "free use" agreements with each other). So I got him and his fiance together and said I needed to plan the bachelor party. I asked her if it was alright if I hired a stripper, and with her being in on the prank she responds with "That's fine as long as it doesn't go any further than a lap dance!"
party comes around (threw it at my place) and the strippers come over. And after a bit I inform him he has to go into the back room for his bachelors lap dance. So one of the strippers leads him in (also in on the prank) and starts to give him the lapdance on the chair I placed in the middle of the room. Handcuffing one limb at a time. Once he is fully handcuffed she tells him she has a surprise for him and blindfolds him. She then quietly sneaks out the door and his fiance sneaks in. She undoes his pants and starts sucking him off. He is freaking out because he things it is the stripper and only once she has finished the task does he take off the blindfold to show that it was her the whole time.
After a bit of embarrassment he goes back and enjoys the rest of the party. And he hasn't said anything about it and when I brought it up he said it was cool and that it was a good prank, but I can tell he is a bit peeved at us. So AWTA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 0,
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"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
TpU3nIOVKY7B1XEyPQjmos2lL8f6GMwy | b5p5r8 | {
"description": "wanting a day-after wedding brunch when SO doesn't want it",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA Wanting a day-after wedding brunch when SO doesn’t want it? | TL;DR: SO doesn’t want to do any sort of day-after wedding brunch. My parents want to host a smaller one for some people on my side, which I want us to attend. AITA for insisting on it?
Background: SO and I are getting married this summer. My parents said they’d like to host a day-after wedding brunch for us that included our families and OOT guests. I thought it would be nice, SO didn’t, and an argument ensued. Background is that my parents have definitely not been the easiest people to work with, even with the rehearsal dinner or any other planning, or clearly supportive of our relationship in general. I thought this was a nice gesture, but SO recognized it as sort of a sign of wanting more control, and also just doesn’t want a brunch for a number of reasons (it would be a big to do, things planned by my parents tend to be kind of chaotic and unorganized, and the somewhat complicated background relationship with my parents, and SO just wants us to be alone that day). Anyway, I eventually came to my senses, especially given that this brunch would entail a lot of people and would really be too much, and I told my parents that we were declining their offer for this day-after brunch.
More recently, my parents said they’d like to have a brunch for a smaller subset of people being just my parents, my siblings and their families, my father’s side OOT guests (my mother won’t have any there), and _maybe_ grandparents. Roughly 18-20 people.
I talked with SO again about this, and another sort of argument ensued. I continued talking about how I thought it would be nice both for us and anyone attending, and that it seems like a small thing that would mean a lot to other people (especially with the day after being Father’s Day, I guess - it seems to mean a lot to my parents and would to the OOT guests that’d attend). SO doesn’t want to do it for the same reasons listed above, and also said they’d feel weird doing something with my side and not their side (even though they didn’t want a brunch with everyone, and said they wouldn’t want to go to an additional thing with their family).
Anyway, I’m having a hard time not feeling like SO is being selfish and stubborn and that we should do this.
AITA for still thinking we should do this brunch, and not letting it go? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
5IpGjTu86mp9Xs5BlEtP5Qelcv0GncNM | aegkll | {
"description": "going through with my plans of going overseas after I've started seeing a girl",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I go through with my plans of going overseas after I’ve started seeing a girl? | So a couple of months ago I met a girl at a club and went home with her. At the time I thought it was just going to be a one night stand, but we’ve stayed in touch. We message each other a few times a week. She’s stayed at my house a couple of times and we spent New Years together.
It’s very casual, We’re not in a relationship, and we haven’t agreed to be exclusive or anything like that (although we both have been exclusive since meeting, because i think we’re both just like that)
The thing is, since before I met her I’ve been planing on going overseas for a couple of months at the end of January. I’ve already quit my job in anticipation of this. I can tell she really likes me, and I feel like she’s going to be a little hurt if I leave. We’ve talked about traveling, as it’s a common interest, and I have brought it up, but I think it sort of came across more as something I want to do (rather than something I was 100% going to do)
AITA for just up and leaving? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I88SRUL1vUEVnxbezR1wwi1dcaQQRYD1 | aie2qq | {
"description": "not buying groceries",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not buying groceries? (Edit) | A few redditors who commented on my last post suggested I add some extra info I supplied in the comments to my post for more information.
So to begin again..
I currently live with my parents. I am 17F and my parents were very kind to let my boyfriend 20M live with me. They both really like my boyfriend and he offers to clean and pay for bills and just generally help out when he can. My parents asked him to pick up the electricity bill which is 200+ a month, which is definitely reasonable because there letting him live with me.
My boyfriend is in no way reliant on my parents, he could move out but he lives here because I asked him to. He could go back to his dorm or rent elsewhere but I asked him to live with me and my parents allowed it.
The issue is though, my mother wants us to buy groceries for the household. And if we ate a fridge full of food each month I would understand completely. But we’re almost never here. I go to school half the day and work the rest. My boyfriend works doubles every other day and night shifts the days he doesn’t work doubles. He’s not in school currently because he’s paying off the debt from last semester (due to bad planning).
We eat a small breakfast each day consisting of either eggs and veggies or oatmeal. Otherwise we eat at work since our bosses are both really nice and don’t mind giving us food at the end of the night.
My mother claims we eat too much (we went through a large carton of eggs and a small bag of tortillas in a month) and that we need to buy groceries for the house because they’re “broke” and can’t afford it. But the issue here is
They buy shit they don’t need all the time
My mom just bought a fancy new car because she wanted a fast and loud gas guzzling car. She also constantly buys random items off of amazon and new makeup pallets form Sephora. She does not need these items.
I understand I’m lucky I have parents that don’t make me pay rent or some outrageous fee (though I do pay 250+ in bills each month for car/insurance/etc..) but I feel like I am still their responsibility (even though I’d rather not be and take care of my own groceries and rent as I’ve offered to move out already).
I don’t feel like I should have to buy groceries when 1.) I eat one meal here a day 2.) my mom blows money on stuff she doesn’t need and claims were “broke” and 3.) ive offered to move out but they won’t allow me to (and I understand I’m under 18 but I’m fully capable and make enough money to be on my own currently)
AITA for not wanting to buy groceries for the household?
Tl;dr: My mother wants me to buy groceries for the household even though my boyfriend and I eat one meal a day
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
39E968uzNng32ddwrQbMl68HBxfg6pfW | amai6x | {
"description": "not going out with friends I was distanced from",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going out with friends I was distanced from? | A while back, I had a falling out with a person in my friend group, and started seeing the group less and less. Cut to now, the group was planning a get-together in a group chat, and I didn't go so as to avoid an akward situation. I never notified the group chat that I wasn't, I just didn't show. Am I an asshole for just leaving them on-read? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CPTX56xIuJil8X8XIu20x3KrvPmxyBPH | a1nxrc | {
"description": "telling my female employees to stop using the male toilet",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA If I tell my female employees to stop using the male toilet. | At work there is a male and female toilet. Obviously I only use the male toilet but the females only use the male toilet aswell.
Almost every single day when I want to relieve myself I have the girls in the male toilet doing there make-up when no one is in the female. After about two months of this constantly I've just had enough, yesterday telling them it was bad form.
Today they have gone to HR saying that it's me who's discriminating them. AITA for telling them to stop using the male toilet. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1ZhgJAVdXZhBSj9f6B7Qhsm8D6VNbmoW | aweptt | {
"description": "leaving my gf back at the restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving my gf back at the restaurant? | I have some back stories here. Me and my gf are both 18. I have an ex-lover, lets call the ex-lover "Jess". Today me and my gf went to a restaurant near my home to have our dinner.
When we got in the restaurant, we picked our seat, I pulled out my chair and took my seat, my gf stared at me angrily, that's confusing. She told me: "You just know to pull out your own chair, is it? Or you only pull the seat out for Jess?"
I stood up and pulled out the chair for her. No replying.
When our food was served. I took my chopsticks and wiped them with a tissue. Then she asked me: "Can you wipe the chopsticks for me too?"
Me: "You can do it yourself right?"
Gf : "Omg, if I was Jess so you might have wiped it for me already, doesnt even need to be demanded."
Me : *wipe her chopsticks*
After we ate a little food:
Gf : "Oh there are pickles in my food. I dont want to eat them"
Me : "So do not eat it, simple"
Gf : "Yeah, if I was Jess you might have picked all of the pickles up and swallowed all of them."
Me : "Dude, you are weird today, stop talking about her, its very frustrating"
Gf : "I want you to be frustrated"
Me : *silent*
After a while, when we didnt even finish eating.
Gf : "Oh can you get me a fork? I cannot eat steak without forks"
Me : *go and get her a fork*
Gf : "Can I eat your steak too? I'm really hungry"
Me : "Seriously? You ate a lot"
Gf : "If I was Jess so you might not complain about me eating"
Me : "stop dude, it isnt fun when you keep mentioning her, its my past already"
I was really irritated that moment but I didnt lose it. When she started eating both her and my steak. She asked me to get her some spices on the table in front of us.
Me : "Get it yourself, let me go and use the restroom for a bit."
Gf : "*sigh* I wish I was Jess, I really do"
I lost it that moment, told her: "Ok so you can have your dinner solitarily, I've had enough. I will pay for your food, but you get yourself home, I'm leaving"
I went and paid for both of our foods.
I grabbed my stuff and left the restaurant alone. I got myself to a cafeteria and left her at the restaurant.
Hours later she texted me and told me that I was an asshole.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
OHLowtlVlESh2xCYdSzEANsVHEe5Axsn | au7mrg | {
"description": "my breakup reasoning",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for my breakup reasoning | Title.
Been dating someone for a year(ish). Things are good. I'm going to be moving out of state to pursue a career and I told her that I really want to focus on this and I don't think I can handle the relationship. I just told her this and I don't move for 4 months.
I feel awful because she's really sweet and I didn't even give the long distance thing a shot or even really consider it. She's broken and I feel like trash but I know myself and I don't think I want that kind of relationship. I just wanted to tell her about my doubts ahead of time to not mislead her. I care about her but I care more about my future right now.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VJHDp76YzPufSeZ6MSEuJpALLkZnD7sx | b6tsfs | {
"description": "leaving my fiancé for going to jail",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for leaving my fiancé for going to jail (again)? | I apologize in advance if formatting is funky because I’m on mobile. So the first week of February my fiancé got arrested for DUI on prescription meds that weren’t his, driving without insurance, and driving with expired registration. I got him out on bond the next day, and had a serious conversation with him about walking a straight line. Apparently he’d been getting high on pills the whole while we’ve been together (I guess I’m an idiot for not seeing it). I told him that he needed to man up and be responsible. There’s no reason why a 37 year old man with a good job wouldn’t have insurance or registration on his car. I told him I didn’t want to marry a man who is completely irresponsible, and that he needed to stop taking pills, especially if he’s on the road putting himself and other people in danger, and he needed to stay on top of keeping insurance and registration.
He (supposedly) got some type of temporary drivers license that would be good up until his court date, and I let him use my car to go get insurance and registration on his car so he’d be able to get back and forth to work.
I got a call at work tonight from his best friend. He told me that my fiancé told him not to tell me, but he’d been arrested earlier and was in the county jail. He called me because he felt bad keeping it from me, as he’s one of my friends too, and because he couldn’t afford to get my fiancé out on his own. I called the jail and found out that they got him for:
-Suspended Registration
-Use of License Plate with intent to Conceal
-No Insurance
-Driving while license suspended or revoked
He’s been lying to me this whole time about getting all of his ducks in a row and being good to drive his car. I’m hurt because I thought he wouldn’t lie to me again. At least he wasn’t fucked up on pills this time, but, god, how stupid can you be? He really is my best friend, but part of me feels like I just need to let him go because I’d be setting myself up for a lifetime of being his “mom.” I don’t want to leave him, but then again I feel like Id be a fool for letting him lie to me and rushing to bail him out again.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oX0zw7btWypjHW3jJJ6apEozicRvNiKs | av26ek | {
"description": "getting angry when my partner checks in all day asking what's up",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry when my partner checks in all day asking what's up | I should start by saying it's not just this one person. I feel this way when anyone checks on me often and it has been an issue in past relationships. It's not every 5 minutes but it is multiple times a day. My SO is quick to respond when I implemented the "taste of your own medicine" approach so I don't think it's intentional. Something about being treated like a kid just makes my blood boil. AITA for not knowing how to deal with this type of antagonistic behavior as an adult? Is it normal for couples? If not, how should I approach the other person? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 4
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GKEZu9STuAeEU56SSektGVleeIVdBWEW | 9yavee | {
"description": "being mad at my girlfriend for being mad at me....for being mad",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being mad at my girlfriend for being mad at me....for being mad. | Basically, I’ve had a horrible last two days. Strings of bad things have happened to me; ranging from small annoying things like my headphones not working and getting burnt, to getting my new car (on which I’ve only made 2 payments, yeah that new) rear ended. Trying to get some peaceful time, I suggested my girlfriend i pick her up today at 7am to go get some breakfast before I go into work at 11. She said yeah. Later she said we should go to a motel to fuck instead since her yeast infection is gone and it’s been two weeks since we’ve done it. Obviously, I was fine with it as well. I left it up to her to decided what we’d do. When I got off work last night after closing, I called her and asked what the plan was. She started throwing excuses as to why we shouldn’t do anything, that she was tired and wanted to sleep or that I didn’t have enough time. Fine, that’s okay. I got frustrated but not mad. Later on as I was telling her about my day I got a bit mad thinking about all the little things happening to me and she’s suggested we do go out after all, to which i said no (she had already said no!) She then got mad at me and hung up and has been mad at me all day. I wasn’t mad at her, but now I am. I just want some peaceful time ☹️ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fwZkg4oBLq6lTx1cv5LJ1XEjimw9bykN | b48vz0 | {
"description": "not doing errands on my day off",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA if I don’t do errands on my day off? | My girlfriend and I recently moved in together. It’s been a learning experience as this is my first live in girlfriend.
She works part time and I’m full time as well as crunching some overtime. At the beginning of the week I asked her if she could do some of my laundry sometime in the week. There’s two machines on our floor and when I went to throw my stuff in both were in use.
She got annoyed and told me she’s not my mother, to just wait until the machines were empty. I was dead tired, but stayed up and did exactly that.
Today is my day off and I woke up to a note asking me to pick up some stuff from the store and pick up her laptop from her cousin’s place.
She set the term that it’s acceptable to deny favors and I would rather not do these. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
maC4RwHSa1N7jFJWW7cQk2w6DgY0vSi7 | azobp1 | {
"description": "asking her out a second time",
"pronormative_score": 42,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for asking her out a second time? | I have this coworker, Sarah. Sarah has been really flirty with me at work. I asked her out once. She kinda turned me down. She told me her situation was just too complicated right now.
This was months ago. A bunch of us from work went out Friday night. Sarah too. She asked me to get her a drink. I did. Then the rest of the night I offered whenever I was going for a new one and she kept accepting. The whole night she was being flirty. She talked about my eyes. She complimented my figure. She told me I was a gentleman.
At the end of the night I asked her out again. She turned me down again. I heard from a text today from another coworker that she’s upset that I’m being “pushy”. Why would you flirt and let someone buy your drinks all night if you are not interested? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 33,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 42,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
d1ZUrlwy0Gb6uW9YQH8U7191ZGqjdZCP | a8f7fl | {
"description": "guilting my boyfriend into not attending a party tonight that I cannot attend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | WIBTA if I guilt my boyfriend into not attending a party tonight that I cannot attend? | We live about an hour from each other and my work schedule won’t allow me to attend this party. My BF only told me about the party ten minutes ago by saying that he’s invited (not “we’re” invited) but he doesn’t know if he’ll attend.
These are his friends and we’ve only dated for about 7 months.
As a side note there is another party on the 29th that he’s already told me he is attending. Without me, again because of my work schedule.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
rig9lL7JjfWqyImGzja0Op3w3QSVo8DE | avm80t | {
"description": "leaving a whatsapp group without giving any clarification",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving a whatsapp group without giving any clarification | I belong to India and we are currently in war like situation with our neighboring country, Pakistan.
For the past 3 days, my Facebook feed is dominated by pro-war posts and fed up by it, I decided to uninstall it.
Yesterday night, a relative posted some fake news about our national leader on a family whatsapp group. Tired with all the propaganda, I replied to it and said that I think that it is fake because I couldn't find any sources online to confirm the news.
Some other relative replied saying that why should I bother with fake news that is pro-India as it will help India. I replied saying that fake news should never be tolerated. He said that using fake news is the new war tactic.
Tired of the pro-war rhetoric everywhere, I just left the whatsapp group, instead of replying.
Today morning, as I checked my phone, I saw that 2-3 of my cousins messaged me asking why did I leave the group. When I told them what I feel, they replied with a "Oh, I see." And told me that some kind of drama ensued on the group because I left it. The relative who spoke about how fake news is the new war tactic is feeling guilty that I left the group because of him, which is why people are messaging me to ask why I left. This is making me feel guilty for leaving the group.
So, AITA for leaving a whatsapp group without giving any clarification? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6q6Tg8jQkvszCfIVMOe72CbtAlGzBOPI | angf69 | {
"description": "faking empathy",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA because I fake empathy | I work as a bank teller and part of my job is to be empathetic towards my customers. When it comes to strangers, I have a dislike of small talk. I hear so much about the sickness and death of people I don't care about on a daily basis. I've mastered the generic "I'm so sorry to hear that" and other comments to appear like I care to the customers. It's to the point where I celebrate a little when I have a customer leave and I can tell that they feel better talking to me about their issues. Problem is that I don't celebrate them feeling better; I celebrate because I am learning how to provide great customer service through my work persona. As a person I don't really care but as my fictional bank teller character I appear to give a shit. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
NQoTpbiyjsk2MjGJNpegfI5pI4HgjU81 | apq4z0 | {
"description": "not going on a tour with my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going on a tour with my best friend? | So my college is taking our department on a tour of the nearby Coca cola plant. My best friend wanted me with her but I'm missing the tour as my ex will be there. Am I choosing not seeing my ex over spending time with my bestie?
Both the girls are friendly to eachother but my ex hates my best friend because I used to spend more time with her.
Anyway.. so, AITA for blowing a trip with my friens so that I don't have to see my ex ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6WmgWuN6ucRiLQ5yejJTQ0XeF2JLnsIw | ake6ej | {
"description": "being upset my couch is damaged",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset my couch is damaged? | My husband decided to have friends over last night. They are close friends and they would never damage my property on purpose. By how late they were up and how loud they were, they were drunk and were high.
This morning after waking, before I head downstairs my husband informs me that the arm of the couch is broken. Apparently one of the friends decided to use the arm as a seat, thus breaking it completely. My husband doesnt seem to be upset, because we have insurance on our furniture and can simply have it replaced.
This makes me so frustrated. I love that we have insurance on the couch to replace it, but the fact of the matter is that they were sitting on the arm which is NOT a seat and broke it. I should not have to worry about something like that, especially being new furniture (less than 6 months old).
TL;DR: Some friend sat on the arm of my couch and broke it. My husband is not upset, but I am.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TGNZss3QkdHYfaU2ayu0Xf5nQFEWRuvJ | b7law8 | {
"description": "telling one of my friends that he's spending too much time with his GF",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling one of my friends that he’s spending too much time with his GF? | This is my first post, so, I’m sorry if the formatting is wrong.
Just by the title, I sound like an asshole, but, here is the full story. I was talking to one of my friends one day, let’s call him Z, and be let me know that the other friend, let’s call him BF, has been distant, and ignoring his friends recently. Z asked me to confront BF about this, and I did, telling him that I was happy he was in a relationship, but he needed to put some time away for his friends. He told his girlfriend about this, and she has been ignoring me ever since. (I used to be good friends with her). I am still friends with BF, but I have my doubts about what I did. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
o8q6Nv4J6Eh7s717zuAeUYVXOdfij7Pp | ao5guw | {
"description": "not knowing a fellow students mother was dead",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not knowing a fellow students mother was dead | So background from the UK so don't worry if there are words you don't understand what they mean.
What happened before the interaction is that today school ended and I am walking to catch a bus and this twat ( not DB from my last post a completely new twat) calls out to me saying that "no-one loves me"
(let's call him OS.) Pretty mundane you say, oh the shit has not yet hit the fan my friends. ( Sorry, just trying to be light hearted as it just happened and it was not fun and I am still shaking a bit.)
So anyway I shout back " your mum doesn't love you." I shout this because a lot of my friends tell me this as a joke so it's my response when someone says no-one loves me as it is programmed into my mind as my automatic counter insult to these types of insults. Some extra shit is that there is a girl I despise because she is mean to me at every turn but eventually I learned to live with it and despise her quietly. Let's call her GD.
So OS turns around and says the worst thing that he could say:
OS: my mum's dead...
Me: oh shit I am so sorry I...
GD: fuck off prick you are a fucking horrible person.
Me: I'm sorry I didn't know. I really didn't.
All hell starts break lose as everyone around starts nailing me with insults because of my obliviousness to the death of OS mother.
Tomorrow is going to be a shit storm and I've just been here scared of what is going to happen.
AITA
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZWHL1A77wtxnrzP5XoMiPzO0yytKajRZ | b5vsf4 | {
"description": "helping my pregnant coworker",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for helping my pregnant coworker?? | Never posted on here so forgive me if my formatting is off. This has been bothering me for weeks now. I work in a bank as a teller and I have maybe 4 people at most working with me at this location on a given day. I started working here about a month ago and about 2 days later so did my new coworker who just so happens to be VERY pregnant.
Well the pregnant coworker (I'll call her PC from here on out) has apparently taken a dislike to how I treat her. I sit by a door that we have to use often and when I notice she's walking towards it I toss it open. When I knew she was about to reach for something to hand to a customer in about 30 seconds, I pulled it out of the box and set it on the table in her reach. When PC's printing out a form for the member she's talking to, I'll walk over and bring it back so she doesn't have to leave the customer. Whenever I do these things for PC, she gets an irritated and rude tone to her voice and will say something along the lines of "You don't have to do that for me 55North" or "I can do that myself!"
The thing is, I don't treat PC differently from how I treat any of my other coworkers! I do all these things for ALL OF MY COWORKERS, regardless of the gender, age, position, etc. I can honestly say I don't treat her any different because I could care less that she is pregnant. I pointed this out to her politely after she snapped at me once and it didn't seem to pacify her at all. I don't do these things with any ulterior thoughts of "I'll do this so people like me more" or "I'll do this because she needs to take it easy in her condition. I mostly do it because our location is very slow and it gives me something to do.
I never go out of my way when I'm busy or in the middle of something, only when its convenient for me. I still do these things for her as well because I either do it reflexively or I don't want to be seen as a lazy coworker.
So the long story short, I help my pregnant coworker at work and she gets an attitude as if I have wronged her, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
JEzkpX5nPIJ0L8iZNqIur1i3XhgXi5O5 | ask53j | {
"description": "not telling my boyfriend that I hung out with another guy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not telling my boyfriend that I hung out with another guy? | My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, but we don't go to the same college. We're kind of LDR and we see eachother about twice a month on the weekends. Back in September we had a huge fight that led to us almost breaking up. We made up after, but I was still reeling a bit as it was the worst fight we've ever had and brought up some issues we have with eachother that we had never openly communicated before. A couple days after we make up, our relationship feels a bit awkward and unsteady but we both feel like we've finally voiced our feelings and are hoping to work on the issues.
Onto why I might (probably) be an asshole: I meet a guy at my college literally two days after we've had this fight and make up. We were both waiting for a vending machine and he had a boosted board with him. I'm into skateboarding and was kinda looking at getting a boosted board so I asked him about it and he started telling me about how nice it was and how much it cost and stuff. Then he asked me about my major and we talked about school for a little bit while I got my food. I say bye and am walking away with my food when he asks me for my snapchat, and I give it to him. He messaged me and we talked about our school and the weather and shit for maybe a week and then he asks if I wanna hang out. Ngl I really wanted to try his board so I say okay. I've been telling my boyfriend about this the entire time and he says he's fine with me going skateboarding with this guy. So I go skateboard with him and afterwards we sit down at a Starbucks and talk for a bit. I got the vibe it wasn't really a date but it also kinda could have been. I didn't mention having a boyfriend. We parted ways and didn't talk again until a couple weeks ago.
He messaged me asking how I was doing and I probably should have just ignored him but I didn't. I felt rude just leaving him on read. We make small talk and he asks me if I wanna hang out and I say okay. The day before we're supposed to meet up I slip the fact that I have a boyfriend into conversation. He's still down to meet up so we did. We haven't talked since. I told my boyfriend he was texting me again but I didn't tell him that we met up. I told my bf that I had already told this guy that I was taken and he seemed satisfied. My boyfriend and I are in a better place in our relationship right now and the things we fought about are getting better. I feel like I should tell my bf that I hung out with the skateboard kid again but I don't know if I should at this point. Literally nothing happened except some boring conversation and telling my boyfriend now would probably just make him upset. AITA if I don't tell him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
ymlZmyBTZhQaB2bo4OOwJp8Fiiwkzg5l | 9xg0bm | {
"description": "getting pissed at someone not allowing me to follow their car into a gated community",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for getting pissed at someone not allowing me to follow their car into a gated community? | I had a bit of situation recently at the entrance of my gated community. Usually people who live here have a registered tag which opens the right side of the gate automatically and its marked 'Residents Entry Only' and others have to punch in an entry code to enter from the left side marked 'Guests Entry Only'
Got myself a new car recently for which I don't have a registered entry tag yet so I'm technically obligated to use the guests side but from time to time I end up following in someone who enters in front of me from either side.
This one time its late evening and I'm turning in to the community when I notice 2 cars coming in behind me. So I park my car in front of the guests gate anticipating to get in a few seconds behind one of them.
The first car is a residents car and goes in through the right side and the gate is now wide open for the next one a Big SUV also a resident. The Big SUV guy decides he doesn't trust me so he parks the car right next to mine so I cant turn in and enter from the residents side then rolls down his window and gestures at me. This pissed me off and I felt like he was treating me like some low life criminal trying to get into the community unauthorized. So I honked my horn for him to move on but he obviously didn't get the message and kept gesturing shouting at me to get in. I punched in the entry code and got in but was cussing and gesturing at him while doing so. He didn't stop or retort but clearly went in feeling superior.
I got into an argument with wife who had no empathy with me about this and just kept insisting that no matter what I shouldn't have been rude to him about trying to protect his neighborhood. What do you guys think? AITA here?
TL;DR Got mad at a stubborn neighbor and my unsupportive wife about him not letting me follow him into the gated community. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
OoczP0cX2cO6nLJdQsivv3qGiz7S7wgv | b9jc0i | {
"description": "singing hungry hungry HIPPO to MY overweight friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA FOR SINGING HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO TO MY OVERWEIGHT FRIEND ??? | So here is the song I'm talking about :
https://youtu.be/xZKbm-JidBE
One day in high school me and my friend were just hanging out talking about anime and other stuff. We weren't having an argument, we weren't having a hostile situation or fighting.
But all then in a playful voice she says "IM HONGRY!!"
and without thinking i started singing "Hungry hungry hippo, the marbel eating race!"
Because when people say the word hungry I think of the song.
However she thought I was calling her a Hippo. She got really offended and said I was being a bully.
I tried to explain to my friend that I wasn't calling her a hippo, it's just because she said she was hungry, and asked if she ever even heard of the song.
She said she didn't know Hungry Hippos had a theme song and really took it personally.
Even though I didn't do it in a malicious way, was I still the asshole for singing hungry hippo despite me knowing she's sensitive about her weight?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
NVYeLssx41Sz51saQHbk5nLNAXWahC1k | avqtxw | {
"description": "hooking up with a girl who has a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | WIBTA if I hooked up with a girl who has a boyfriend? | I know that hooking up with a girl who has a boyfriend is bad.
I go to the same gym as that girl and every single time she holds my hand and puts her hand on my lap. It has gotten to the point where we almost kissed.When she's in my class she does the same thing.
Her boyfriend has always hated me, for some reason and I really couldn't care less.
If I hook up with her it wouldn't be my fault since she is the one asking for it,right? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
n9HUEpECTos56zTvpkQP1BqCv75WJUdy | axc3sh | {
"description": "telling my waiter/waitress I'm not going to tip",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | WIBTA if I told my waiter/waitress I'm not going to tip? | As it says in the title. Would it be more acceptable to tell your waiter/waitress that you don't tip and just recieve worse quality service? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
oltCl2zCEOVtFX8sG8JRucNYDnAHAAZd | awa7ww | {
"description": "not liking the type of engagement ring that my fiance wants to get me",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not liking the type of engagement ring that my fiance wants to get me? | a long story short: my fiance and I agreed that we wanted to marry each other about a year ago. we didn't get a ring then, not for any particular reason other than just not worrying about it, but we've started looking at some together so he could get an idea what I like and what I don't like.
I don't care for big stone, or rings with a lot accent diamonds on them. In truth, I'm not a fan of diamonds in general because I think they're boring (lol) and I have always liked the idea of an alternative gemstones, or even semi-precious stones. this is the thing that makes us clash a bit. my fiance is kind enough to not buy anything until he's certain, but he wants to get me a fancy diamond ring.
I have no idea why he's so set on this, and when I asked why he explained it as "weird that I don't want diamonds on the ring" and even said he doesn't understand why I can't just let him buy one. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
05tS1hDwje9D2c7lChhMY3IaMiyICQhD | 9vq9la | {
"description": "sending birthday/Christmas cards to the children of a family I used to live with",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I send birthday/Christmas cards to the children of a family I used to live with | This is very long a complicated. I promise it is all relevant. I(F17) was put in a situation well this anonymous who cares. Also mobile so sorry.
In February my mom drove drunk, and she ran into another car and killed the two people in it. She only survived because she was in a volvo, had a broken sternum and broke both her ankles. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks and then a rehab place for 2.
She is home now. She is going away to jail in like 3 weeks. So she was around while I was there but we didn’t know when she would go away until Monday.
My mom is a single mother so it was just me and my brother(19 and not responsible) but my mom’s friend reached out. She and her husband are in their late 30s and have 3 kids, one girl (1) and two boys (5 and 7). They have a spare bedroom in their basement, and because I had nowhere to go they said i could live with them.
I went over that night and I told them to think and consider this. Before this happened I had a history of trauma and just not fun life. I told I have been diagnosed with depression and many other things, I am on medication and unstable and I really don’t want to strain their family. The parents are heavy drinkers though, they call themselves functioning alcoholics so maybe they don’t remember it.
They knew I had mental health issues before the accident. I told them to call me in a few days and they did and has me move in. They even let me bring my cat. They told their kids I was their older sister. It was a good situation. The mom lashed out on me a lot, but she also took me prom dress shopping and showered me with expensive gifts so I dealt with it. They did care about me. They got me a math tutor to help me improve my grades.
It didn’t work out. They didn’t let me go to therapy and forced me to lower my depression medication. They encouraged me to smoke weed to deal with my problems. I dealt with it because I love their kids. My friends hated coming over because I said I was their live-in nanny because I helped change the babies diaper and took care of the kids but their were my siblings. My depression got worse and I became bitchy I guess. I was waiting for my mom to get sentencing and I couldn’t talk to anyone about my feelings. They told me I could always talk to them but after the kids went to bed the weed and alcohol was broken out so they were never sober enough to support me.
I think I maybe got a little spoiled. I asked if it was okay if I asked for a laptop for my birthday, the mom said yes, as long as it wasn’t like $2000. She told me there are many good laptops under $1000. I asked for a $850 one because I figured it was her way of saying $1000 was the budget. Apparently that was too much. The mom also started taking me to the chiropractor with her, and my insurance didn’t cover it. After the first visit I told her that I wanted more chores because I felt bad about it. She said okay.
While I was there like 2 months in one of the mom’s friends from high school accidentally OD’d. This put a lot on her mentally. I am trying to do both sides which is why I mention it.
So basically the entire month of August the mom shut me out cold. The only time she talked to me was to yell at me for something or for not cleaning something up and then after she would buy me a gift. Anytime we got in a fight it was me apologizing even if she was in the wrong. I’m a 17 year old girl I was a bitch sometimes, but so was she.
My birthday is the end of August, and the day before was my party. The mom had insisted on throwing a big party, they are rich and have a nice party house. She ordered all this carnival stuff.
The week of my birthday I was sick. I had a double ear infection. I couldn’t hear shit. On the day my birthday party was supposed to be I overslept for school by like 10 minutes and needed a ride.The mom freaked. She told me to leave. She said I was nothing but an emotionally manipulative ungrateful bitch and that I ruined her life. She said she had been going to therapy. She literally kicked me out into the driveway. Took the phone she bought and left me crying. Her husband, the sweetheart drove me to school. My party was cancelled my birthday the next day sucked because all my plans were with them.
I got really depressed because they told me so many times that I was their family. She told her kids I was their big sister! I went to her cousins wedding in Florida, to all the family functions for 6 months. In the start of October I tried to kill myself, because she had not contacted me and I felt so rejected. I missed my little siblings so much. I was in a psych ward for 3 weeks, wasn’t the first time no big deal. In the hospital I called her and asked why she didn’t call me or contact me, she said she wanted to remove herself from the situation. Okay she gave up on me. Her husband says that he wants me to move back in, and that he feels so bad about what happened.
I’m dealing with a lot but this is all I want to know. Will I be an asshole if I send Christmas presents and cards to the kids who I consider my siblings. The oldest will remember but the other two might forget about me once I’m older. I don’t want these kids to be confused about their big sister sending cards and presents and letters, but goddamit they feel like my siblings. The mom does not want me in her life or vice verse . The father wants to be in my life but I have not reached out since I got discharged because she will yell at him if he finds out. I want to be the big sister to those kids.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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h06P5XdTwDc4nMb16w1Opl6KNmi82AyQ | aswn3r | {
"description": "not allowing room service to clean my hotel room during my stay",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not allowing room service to clean my hotel room during my stay? | I am currently spending several work weeks in a hotel room as I transition into a new job. Growing up with my Dad and Stepmom we didn’t stay in hotels much, most vacations revolved around camping. It wasn’t until last year on my honeymoon that I learned you should tip the housekeeping staff for cleaning your room. This was a total surprise to me!
My mom comes to visit every year and when she visits she doesn’t let housekeeping into her room, she keeps the Do Not Disturb sign up for the length of her stay. To help the staff she takes her own trash out when it gets full and occasionally asks for additional toilet paper if needed.
I have picked up my Mom’s habits and really don’t want someone coming into my room (theft) or having to pay a tip every night. (And while the room gets reimbursed by my employer any tip wouldn’t be) I don’t need fresh sheets when I’m only staying four nights at a time and I don’t make any messes or use more than one towel and a hand towel. At the end of my stay I leave a $3-5 tip for inconveniencing the staff. My Mom once mentioned that the staff don’t like it if they can’t see a room in case you are trashing it.
TLDR: I’m cheap and uncomfortable with someone coming into my hotel room. Leave the Do Not Disturb sign up so housekeeping doesn’t clean my room daily. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gFhyvBDRwhNykWRcFFOyvyPe9Qkjctup | a76yoi | {
"description": "being pissed at my lesbian friend for her strong anti-abortion stance",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being pissed at my lesbian friend for her strong anti-abortion stance? | Abortion can be a heated debate but I never really run into those types of conversations unless l talk to this one friend of mine. She occasionally post very graffic abortion pictures/videos and I think I get irritated about her pro-life passion because she's a lesbian. If you are a lesbian, unless you get sexually assulted, most of the time your pregnancy is something you can plan out. She doesn't experience the fear that some may have when they have sex and the condom broke or she missed a period. Do you think it's wrong for me to feel this way? Am I being offensive? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
wn5p4ErgmsgRTiBbdXwHBExAIYjMCLFS | 9z3v15 | {
"description": "using curtain rod mounting hardware instead of command strips to hold up a heavy curtain",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for using curtain rod mounting hardware instead of command strips to hold up a heavy curtain? | I'm a light sleeper and the 8am bright sun through the blinds doesn't mesh well with my sleep schedule. I got a very effective light blocking curtain which is also a tad heavy. My roommate, despite having a bachelor's degree, is extremely insistent that 3-5 command strips will hold up this curtain and rod just fine. Despite not being able to find a single style of hook that would properly secure this rod in place, I went with it. The rod wasn't even laying flat on the first go with three hooks.
Ten days in, the middle one falls. I decided to remount it, this time with the curtain resting safely on the outer two. It lasts 30 minutes. Now we have a spot on the wall to repaint, and roommate is freaking out (same thing happened to him back at his college place and he thinks he lost $75 on his security deposit for that; try carpet cleaning and other little things). About an hour ago, one of the side ones falls, and nearly brings the curtain rod down on my head. Now we have another spot to paint.
I've tried having the conversation on this twice, including the "we can fill the holes in when we leave, others have already done that" conversation. Even my dad, who helped my roommate move out and the both of us move in, said that would probably be ok by the staff, and told my roommate this /to his face/. He did this exact thing when I moved out.
Would I be the asshole if I just went ahead and asked the apartment staff about the security deposit and such, mounted my curtain with its included hardware and refill the holes before moving out and didn't have to deal with this again?
[Mods: my previous form of this literally began with WIBTA, any reason automod would've removed it?] | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
1gVlo51xWB85V1n9LWIgczpzQosASjth | auf3dw | {
"description": "not wanting my kids to call him grandpa",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting my kids to call him grandpa? | LTL FTP & throwaway for personal reasons
BG: Me and SO have been married for a minute so we’ve been talking about kids and I asked him what his mom wanted to be called as a grandma. Now both of me and SO’s parents are divorced but only his mother remarried. She got with stepdad when SO was in high school and SO calls him by his name. I don’t hate them but my mil has some tendencies that belong on a certain justno sub and his stepdad can be kind of a creep, but we’re all kind and a happy family for the most part.
SO said his mom wants to be called (grandma nickname) and Stepdad wants to be called (grandpa nickname). Y’all... the nickname he wanted to go by is mil’s pet name for him (let’s say it’s “sweetiepie” so he would be “grandpa sweetiepie). I told him no way and that stepdad can be called his name. My SO asked why but didn’t really care, we even talked to his parents and while they still wanted him to be called that they also didn’t care too much. I told them how I was uncomfortable with it and I think they understand my side but am i being unreasonable for wanting him to be called his name and not “grandpa” or any variation of it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
e8snIGxMoSMnVXXoN0AWHDSG466qTx2R | a4h412 | {
"description": "getting banned from /r/WritingPrompts",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for getting banned from /r/WritingPrompts? | It was/is my cakeday and I posted a prompt in /r/WritingPrompts with the title:
*"[WP]Ever since you were a child you've been able to point your finger and say "PEW!" to shoot a powerful blast. You (mostly) use your powers for good. You are...Finger Bang."*
The post was removed by a mod pretty quickly with the reason "Prompts will be removed if there's a high possibility for rule breaking responses", with no upvotes or replies. I hit the modmail button and sent [this](https://i.gyazo.com/509512aee91be506e087cf177b2a3254.png), and then walked away.
Ten minutes later the mods reply with [this](https://i.gyazo.com/a62bb77c7d97db353354c83e4c8c2e54.png) and a permanent ban from the subreddit. Rest of the conversation is [here](https://i.gyazo.com/bec9511df418231430548a47ed13bd54.png) and the final mod message is [here](https://i.gyazo.com/32dacdc5af82cbd9ba47b9758d1b1eff.png).
Happy cakeday indeed. Reddit, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
cslrUqbM6Aocw6J6P5c9BWpt1LKjJTLw | apwu1v | {
"description": "being offended after my apology to someone was rejected",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for being offended after my apology to someone was rejected? | I was rude to a friend of a friend. I said “it would be good for you to not eat that slice of pizza” (she is quite overweight) I did not mean to offend her, but I can see why she is.
The next day I tried to apologize sincerely, but instead of it being accepted or rejected respectfully, she insults and flips me off. I tell her “Fuck you too then, maybe I shouldn’t have apologized”. Now I know I was the asshole first, but AITA for feeling entitled to my apology being treated respectfully?
TLDR: I was rude to someone, I felt guilty so I tried to apologize sincerely. I was disrespected after trying to tell her I was sorry for what I said. But AITA here for feeling entitled to my apology being respected? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
2xro1xHJRcrTWoEF701VBaE5prShCFiQ | aqaowe | {
"description": "not wanting to cut off a friend for an ex",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to cut off a friend for an ex | Title is a bit misleading, here's the full backstory:
-am trans, ftm
-break up with my gf of 1 year because she wanted to
- continue to try and stay friends
-befriend another trans man I met on tinder (we hooked up but he's now in a committed relationship and our hang outs are strictly platonic now). Our friendship meant a lot to me, since we clicked great but he's also the first trans person I've been able to feel some sort of community with. I've since met other trans folks, but he was the first and the most important at a very critical time of my life
- every time he and I hung out though, my ex would throw a fit in some way or another. It might have been intentional, but to my understanding she is just deeply insecure and felt like I was abandoning her whenever I wasn't around. That bothered me, so I acted in a harsh way at the time and that only escalated her negative feelings towards this new friend. I am fully responsible for my irresponsible actions towards her in a time of need and I know I nearly pushed her to suicide a few times in these situations. I deeply regret how I made her feel.
-we finally reached the conclusion that my new friend and I couldn't hang out because it just ended in a breakdown for my ex (this was approx 5 months after we broke up). I never actually discussed this with my friend, I just turned down a few chances to hang out and we naturally stopped seeing each other because he lives far away anyway.
-i secretly did resent this agreement, but I felt responsible for my previous actions and how I had hurt my ex-now-best-friend. I felt I owed her this level of peace.
-fast forward about 4 months. Trans friend asks to hang out for the first time since we first started growing apart. I really miss him and I genuinely enjoy being around him, so I brought it up carefully to my ex. She is clearly frustrated with me, but all she's saying is "do what you want".
Am I the asshole for going back on my word to never see this friend again - because I severely hurt my ex when I was with him, creating this negative cycle she experiences every time I'm with him? Or am I free to do whatever I want?
Also, even if I DID go with him to hang out, I just know it'll be interrupted by a string of distressed texts from her - and if I reply it'll likely turn into a fight, and if I don't it'll just come back to haunt me even worse the next time I speak to her (trust me). What should I do??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
VO1OT8RGEK4vNGQJsKMuJIOArOoe71vj | av6p1t | {
"description": "missing multiple days of work from being sick",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for missing multiple days of work from being sick? | Let me start off by saying that I've always been prone to illness since I was an infant. From grade school and on, I would routinely get sick every 2 or 3 months, and sometimes even as little as a month after my last bout of the flu/an aggressive cold/etc. The only period in my life were I was never sick was the last two years of my high school education which I completed from home online and away from other people.
I started my grocery store job 10 months ago, and since then I've probably missed around 9 or 10 days of work, one of which was a mental health day (I suffer from OCD. Particularly intrusive thoughts, which can sometimes cause me massive amounts of anxiety for long stretches of time) and 3 for a family emergency. Another 2 of those days, I was sent home by a manager. Once from puking on a register and another for nearly passing out while ringing up groceries. The rest I called in for due to being too sick to come in.
Anyways, I know that it's highly frowned upon to miss so much work. But my immune system is super fucking bad, and when I catch a cold or flu, it hits me like a truck. On Saturday I came down with the worst flu I've had in at least a decade. Lots of puking, sneezing bloody/almost black mucus, persistent nausea, almost unable to hold down liquids, extreme body aches and chills, etc. So I've called in the last two days and plan on calling in the next two as well, as well as taking my next 3 scheduled days off.
The store manager is a nice guy but he gets visibly (audibly?) pissed over the phone when I call in, and it always makes me feel like I'm being a baby/doing something wrong. I've come in without complaint when hungover, I've come in on days off to fill in for people who were sick or to cover the shift of someone who was fired, etc. But I feel like an asshole for missing so many days of work; an amount that is nearly unheard of from my understanding.
So tell me Reddit.. Am I the asshole? Should I just suck up and go anyway with a mask and gloves? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
O7zjPy3jM42lUC9bliwUx29GpUZCTz85 | b2y6f3 | {
"description": "doing things to get people to owe me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA for doing things to get people to owe me? | I like the idea of people helping me when I get in trouble but while friends are nice to have it's hard to make reliable enough friends that can do things for me without needing to do them something first. So I go around work, the neighborhood, school, or where ever and do people favors that are not of big cost to me and are only a bit time consuming for me. Then tell them they owe me in the future. I usually don't even cash in those favors as either to much time has passed for what I did to be significant anymore or I don't even need them to do anything. However when I do call in those favors it is usually for something bigger when what I actually helped them with for example I helped someone with a single problem of the homework now do this whole homework sheet for me. If they don't help me I will guilt trip them into doing it and if that doesn't work I simply don't do them anymore favors cut contact with them and if they ask for any favors I say sure but then don't do them and screw them over even more. This is devastating when it happens in my job. I cover a two hour shift but then later they refuse to cover my five hour shift and when guilt tripping didn't work when they asked me to cover they're shift again I said sure but then didn't show up and it got marked against them unsure if they got fired or not (don't care that much). Well one day my very observant friend, lets call him simon said he notices that I do that and asked me why, so I told him it was like getting extra parachutes to make sure I am safe when I fall. He agreed that it was okay but my other friend who was hanging with us lets call him joe said it was wrong and that I was an asshole. I don't think it's that assholish of a thing I do them a favor and then they owe me I think it's chaotic good. But what do you redditors think? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 0,
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"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 22
} | WRONG |
1SH713MXDOylY73FNMlgrtVsgCfnkiiC | aehvp0 | {
"description": "ghosting a friend from college",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I ghosted a friend from college? | Hello,
This past year I moved to Hawaii for work. I’m in a one bedroom apartment. I’d like people to come visit me, and when I speak to my friends around the country I always encourage them to take a trip here and hang out in paradise.
A couple of months ago I wished happy birthday to a guy I dated in college for a couple weeks (I’m a guy). He mentioned he loved seeing my pictures and was very attracted to the men I hang out with. Both he and I aren’t typical “prizes” we both sort of struggle in the scene. I mentioned that if he wanted to come out meet some of these guys and be gay in Hawaii, he was more than welcome. I also mentioned off hand he should try and recruit some of our mutual close friends (small college) to come with him.
Recently he calls me up and we start talking dates and activities and logistics. He’s gonna come alone. We decide not to set any dates and not to book anything until our schedules for this coming summer start to take shape. Nothing is planned or booked. At the end of the call, he goes “there’s one thing, I want to talk about what happened between us before I come. I feel like we never got the chance. And it bothers me a lot.”
Here’s the history: things didn’t end well between us in college. I was a first semester freshman. He was a sophomore. He pursued me, and I never really felt anything for him. But he was nice and smart, so I continued for a few weeks hoping that maybe something would spark on my side. However, I eventually realized that it wasn’t going to happen. Before I said anything to him about that, I agree to go to the Winter formal with him. That night, I got really drunk— I think partly so I wouldn’t be cold to my date. He was not drunk. The night ended with us in my dorm and me losing my virginity.
As it happened, in physical motion, I had this terrible moment of knowing I didn’t want it to happen and regretting it was happening with this person. I ended the sex in tears curled up in a ball. He tried to comfort me and I played it off and wished him a good night. I stopped seeing him and slowly stopped replying to his messages after that night. UNTIL he asks to talk.
I meet with him, and he doesn’t address the night we hooked up. Instead, he goes on about how he was disappointed that I ghosted him after we had gotten “so close.” He sort of goes at it as though I was just a heartless fuckboy who broke his heart. He also made the key comment that “but it’s okay that (I’m) not ready for a relationship” in a very condescending tone. I drew the line there and basically unleashed my side of the story: that i welcomed his advances cuz he was a nice guy but i ultimately never felt anything for him. We didn’t speak for seven years after that until we reconnected when he moved to my city and connected with our mutual friends again.
Fast forward to today, and I know that I should give him a call and let him talk about what happened 7 years ago and lock in his trip to visit in Hawaii. But I’ve been hesitating. I’m shocked that he still is hurt by what happened so long ago, but I’m also torn about telling him the full truth: that I felt he took advantage of me in my drunken, virginal state— him being older and much more experienced in sex and the dating scene. I don’t want to go so far as to call it an assault— I think it’s more in the grey area of consent.
Because it’s so grey, I don’t want to bring it up to him and force him to be accused of something so serious. However, I also don’t want to take a phone call and listen to another condescending narrative in which I broke his heart (this is the story that he tells people to this day).
The adult in me knows I should suck it up and talk it out and softly tell the truth of why ghosted him 7 years ago, but I always just want to leave the past behind and not dig up the lousy way I lost my virginity. WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
20BNirzgCAJOaq5Y19RfEWuGpWYAOKPp | abee17 | {
"description": "being upset that my fiancee is getting drunk tonight",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for being upset that my fiancee is getting drunk tonight? | Yeah yeah it's New Year's Eve and that's what people do... But she has never been drunk before to my knowledge. She used to smoke weed but hasn't since we've been together. I don't smoke or drink and I'm pretty vehement against both of those things as they just make me uncomfortable and she knows fully that it's just a part of the relationship that we don't.
Maybe I'm just being petty because I'm going to be lonely tonight with my car being in the shop and her being with her mom. But I don't like talking to people under the influence so that means that I won't be able to talk to her at all tonight.
I know she'll be perfectly safe as she'll just be on the couch watching movies with her mom so that's not really a concern. Idk i just kinda feel like I'm losing something tonight.
AITA? When she told me I was audibly distraught but I didn't say anything confrontational to her. WIBTA if I did?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
Wtrc4swrzen37mqAdFObUVjpAIdKOf0C | aal0ez | {
"description": "being upset",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset? | There’s this girl I’ve had that hots for, for at least the last year and a half. We’ve been friends for much longer. On a few separate occasions I’ve told her how I’ve felt, and she never completely downplayed it but she also never gave me a straight yes or no answer. The only thing I got from her was mixed signals.
Fast forward to last night. She’s really wasted and snap chatting me, clearly trying to pry. She asks, “Why do you let me do this to you?” insinuating leading me on.
So now, having confirmed that she doesn’t want anything to do with me, I replied.
I said something to the effect of I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with this right now and it’s not the time nor place. “I’m upset with you because you did this through text when I had the courage to say a lot of shit straight up to your face.”
Am I justified in feeling angry/upset because she didn’t have the gall to tell me in person? This isn’t a rejection thing, I’ve been rejected by more women than I’d like to admit. I just feel sour over this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9mOlgEKvqI5m94ndYkfnaOU8aDm9Qcu8 | b32qyg | {
"description": "being a complete smart ass to a rude neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being a complete smart ass to a rude neighbor? | This happened a while ago. When my girlfriend and I started dating, she had a small apartment downtown. I would spend the night a few times a week. One night, at around 2 or so in the morning we were having a particularly passionate sex session. It was so passionate that my girlfriend's neighbor apparently heard it and knocked on the wall. My girlfriend and I then heard her say: "Quiet down, fucking whore, or I'll go straight to the landlord!" My girlfriend was pissed, and knocked back on the wall, but it ended there.
The next morning, I left my girlfriend's apartment. The timing was great. The neighbor was leaving at exactly the same moment. So I said:
"Hey, I wanted to apologize for last night. I am quite talented. I'll be sure to put a gag in her next time." Then winked. She looked too shocked to respond, and I walked out.
I've always wondered: AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
nrIMrLc12t2rykZR7TBB9Fj8NrohiKoY | apbe34 | {
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my friend's much older boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting to hang out with my friend's much older boyfriend? | My friend and I are grad students in our early twenties. Her boyfriend is in his 40s... literally twice her age and old enough to be her father (friend is 21). Not only that, but he's a professor at the university where we attend grad school (different department though).
It skeeves me out, to be honest, and I also feel like it's a bit predatory on his part. I do not feel comfortable being around him. Say what you will about "age is just a number!", but I personally think it's really unsavory for a man in his 40s to be dating a woman barely out of undergrad.
I don't want him around when I plan time together with this group of friends. Whether it's going out to dinner together or going bar hopping or literally anything... I really don't want him to come. I'm also going to be honest--I think a dude in his 40s hanging out with a bunch of 20-somethings is weird in general, and the group dynamic is totally different.
The thing is, I don't mind other friends' SOs if they want to come (unless we really want to do a night out for just us or something) since they are close in age to us. So I would specifically be asking for this friend's boyfriend not to come, which could come off as dickish. I have not brought this up with my friend because the issue hasn't come up yet, but I can see it potentially being an issue in the future because we're starting to hang out more.
To clarify, I'm talking specifically about things I plan--if it's an event someone else plans, I would of course not say anything about him being there. I just don't want to extend the "SOs are welcome by default" invitation to him for stuff I plan.
TL;DR. Friend and I are grad students in our early twenties. Said friend has a boyfriend in his 40s, who's also a professor in a different department at the university where we attend grad school. I'm creeped out by the boyfriend, and I don't want him at things I plan with this group of friends even though I'm fine with other friends' SOs (who are all in their twenties). AITA for not wanting him there/WIBTA for asking her not to bring him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
7j3EzuwnJNZl7eyWfMK8N1H7ZwKTC3vk | au2lyv | {
"description": "telling my niece off in front of the family and having them turn on her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my niece off in front of the family and having them turn on her? | Right, so here's a bit of backstory: a couple years ago (i was 15 at the time) me and my mom flew to Morocco to visit our family. Nearly the entire family from my mom's side lives there, so we took a bit of a roadtrip going from city to city, visiting family and staying with them for a couple of days before moving on to the next family member to visit. While we were there, we stayed with my aunt, my favorite uncle and her three children (13F, 15M and 17M). We would basically stay at my aunt's place for a few days, then travel to a family member along with her and her children, then travel back and stay at her house for a couple days before going to visit another family member, and so on and so on.
My niece (13) would constantly mock me for my accent (i speak arabic, but since i grew up in a different country i have an accent when i speak it and sometimes mispronounce words) and would also mock me whenever i would pronounce a word in the wrong way just slightly or if i would mess up my sentence. She took this so far that she eventually laughed every time i spoke a sentence, even when it was perfectly fine, just because of my accent. I told her to stop numerous times, i think i told her to stop every time she would do it, but her being her 13 year old self, could not resist the temptation of annoying me.
This just went on and on, until i one night decided i was so fed up with it that i just screamed in her face about how she has been a pain in the ass this whole trip and how she is just so annoying to me for no aparant reason. I screamed that she should stop making fun of my arabic just because im not moroccan and didnt grow up with it and that she needed to understand that and stop being a little child. My cousins were still playing fifa, but they were clearly listening and not paying any attention. My mom was looking at me, my aunt was nodding at me. And then, i ruined it. After my rant, i made a spitting noise towards her...I could feel the eyes of everyone piercing into me after i made that comment. My cousin (her oldest brother) stood up from next to me and went outside. He later told me he walked out because he really liked me and was afraid he was going to punch me because of what i did. My aunt consoled her daughter while saying "idk why he did that" and my mom was F-U-R-I-O-U-S.
Even though i did get a little backlash for it, it was just a little bit. My niece, however, got grounded for apparently "having been so annoying to have caused someone as calm as him to burst out like that" and had all of her devices taken away from her. My other aunt in the room also shared what happened with our other family members who made sure to let me know that they were with me and they do not condone what my niece did for one bit. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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