id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
uIggoGcpjeqNcySokZkDBzp5HmQicRYm | ajwvpv | {
"description": "being stubborn about a school project",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being stubborn about a school project? | Background:
So I’m in theatre class and our class (Theatre 1) is putting on a cut of Antigone. Half of the kids are acting and half are teching for the show. I’m usually an actor but I wanted to try something new so I did tech.
Our class is really small (14 kids) so I’m in a group of 3 kids and we’re doing set, costumes and hair.
We finished the set easy no problems we all agreed on what we wanted to do.
Then we started on costumes, nobody was mentioning any ideas so I suggested toga type things. Because it’s greece. They agreed and we set to work on figuring out the specifics for each character.
Ok now onto the issue(s):
Later we were thinking about hair, and one of the girls- let’s call her Ally- said we should do braids . I disagree and say that braids aren’t really accurate, I show them some pictures I found when I was researching (mostly updos or hair completely down and curled). Ally says no, she says that it doesn’t have to be accurate, and we can put our own spin on it. I disagree and push her a little more. She won’t budge.
Now looking back I can see that I was too stubborn, it doesn’t really matter if we do braids or updos. And updos would be a lot harder.
I come into class the next day and I tell myself I won’t be annoying about the hair thing, and I’m not I don’t mention it and I go with her ideas.
Then we are coming up with a list of supplies we need for the costumes. When we designed the costumes we decided Creon (king guy) would have a cape/ cloak thing that Greek guys wore. So I ask Ally what we should use for that, maybe a towel or rectangle of fabric.
She thinks about it for a second and says “why don’t we just use a purple jacket, ya know like how some people wear jackets to look cool?”
I say “I don’t think that’s a good Idea I mean it’s not at all with the times”
She replies “(my name)! We can add our own take on the costumes I don’t think you get that!”
Then it ends I’m stubborn but I don’t like confrontation so I don’t say anything else. Also the actor kids were doing a run of the show and I didn’t want to distract them.
So AITA? Lemme clear up a few things I would have been fine doing modernized costumes if she had mentioned it earlier but she didn’t. We all agreed on chitons and toga type things. Also it would be hecka weird if everyone was wearing clothes from Ancient Greece except this one dude with a modern purple jacket! The third member of our group agrees with everything Ally says.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fW9AA7SfLIRFvH1Km6Yz06R6VJzlYABv | a9wg9t | {
"description": "shooting my friend's dog with a airsoft gun",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for shooting my friend’s dog with a airsoft gun? | So my friend John and I were in his back yard messing around with a air soft pistol. His dog was also with us but we made sure to watch out for him. We were having fun shooting some handmade targets when he started talking about my girlfriend.
So for context, John has been upset at me for not
hanging out with him as much as I used to. I think this is ridiculous because my girlfriend and I don’t even hang out at the same time that John and I usually do. Despite this John decides to constantly talk shit about my girlfriend.
After he missed a shot, he said something along the lines of “I’m gonna pretend the targets are your girlfriend, it might help me shoot better”
This makes me furious. The way he said it seemed so sinister and out of blue. I ripped the gun out of his hand and yelled at him. He acted like it was a funny joke and says I’m overreacting. I tell him to stop making jokes about my girlfriend while threatening to shoot.
He then says something along the lines of “ok I’ll stop. She’s already ugly enough without bullet holes”
This pisses me off and I jerk the gun forward towards his dog. Somehow when I jerked forward my finger got pushed back and the trigger went off. I accidentally shot the dog. His dog yelped and started whimpering.
John got pissed. He told me to leave and not to come back. I tried to explain that I didn’t actually mean to shoot the dog and was just trying to make him stop but he wasn’t having any of it.
So AITA? It seems to me that John’s at fault here. I didn’t mean to shoot his dog but he definitely deserved it. I feel like he is overreacting but I’m not sure. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
4A3PmXtgu9b9AhktbLkD9Jit9ItRLjdO | b7nqxl | {
"description": "not fixing my friends floor",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not fixing my friends floor? | So about a year (maybe even two years) ago I was casually seeing this guy when out of nowhere he asks if anyone would want to take his three exotic lizards in hopes that when he moved out of his parents house he would get them back. Well I asked around and my four friends that lived together said they would take/watch them so him and I packed them up and brought them over. I had my dog with me though so while we went to his house, came back and set up the four foot tanks they eaxh had, my pup was locked in the bathroom so we wouldn't trip on her. While she was in the bathroom she managed to tare a pretty big chunk (about 6 inch by 4 inch) of their lanolioum floor up right in front (behind) of the door. My friends demanded I pay for it and I obviously agreed but I would be hiring a person and paying them because I don't trust them to actually use my money for its intended purposes. WEEEELLLL we agreed to wait until summer to get it done and during the period that we were waiting they told me they needed to get rid of the lizards and asked if I wanted them and I was all like fuck yea give me five days cuz that's my next day off and I'll gladly come pick them up. The five days pass (It's now the Thursday I'm supposed to come get them), I get there aaand???
"Oh we sold the one lizard yesterday but you can still have the other two"
Like dude you sold my bfs lizards!? I was PISSED!! They said they would watch them and then when I said I'd take them they sell one!? So I was thinking about it and just kinda said fuck that, they can use the money they got for MY lizard to fix their fucking floor because you bet your sweet ass I didn't see a dime for the 400 dollar lizard or the like 300 dollar tank he came with and it all went towards weed. Honestly though I do feel kinda bad cuz I've been ghosting them since. So Reddit, AITA for thinking I shouldn't have to pay for their floors anymore? Should I just fork over the money? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
yH6jtYw3K3T5XBBFrpQLqTe6jO9zkOpz | arh2f7 | {
"description": "calling out my boyfriends friends racist jokes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for calling out my boyfriends friends racist jokes? | Really really really don’t want this to become a political beat down in the comments, so please just try to view this in an objective context. Also very long because I’m wordy & can never get right to the point, & formatting bc I’m on mobile.
Little background (actually a lot of background IM SORRY): I am mixed black & white & very proud of my ethnic background & take pride in being black. My boyfriend is white. Neon white. White as hell. Love him to death but when I first met him in his big ass lifted 6.0 Ford I was like...what did I just get myself into. Despite his very stereotypical white guy tendencies, he is usually very open minded & has grown outside of his pretty sheltered white upbringing since we met.
My bf & I have been dating for a little over a year, but we were very close friends for 3 years before that. I’ve known his friend group since meeting him & they are all, at their core, kind people. They’re all white as well & grew up in the suburbs surrounding the metropolitan city I was raised in, & thus were surrounded by mostly only white people their whole life with not many ethnic minorities around. They’re the rowdy, bud light, camo & hi-vis, American flags & shotguns type white boys. My boyfriend is arguably the least “stereotypical white guy” out of the group & is *generally* very open to talking about race issues with me & very understanding of how I feel about the treatment of minorities in our country (LGBTQ people, muslim people, Immigrants, etc) & agrees with me on almost everything. I’m of the mind that everyone should be treated with basic respect & that people should be aware of the status quo of white people historically dictating the conversation around minorities, & how thats still relevant today. His friends however...
Since the day I met the boys, it was brought up that I’m black. I don’t mind this at all. I am mulatto, thus I am black. It’s a fact. Don’t mind discussing it at all & I loved educating the boys with their questions about my hair or black people getting sunburns. Because they were ignorant & didn’t know enough ethnic minorities to really know any of that stuff.
From the moment I met them they were instantly aware of how much they said the n word. They’d look at me borderline horrified & say sorry & ask if it was okay, & I joked that I’d give them n word passes depending on the context (if we were all being ridiculous & screaming the lyrics to a song, they could say it for example). I can be pretty relaxed about jokes about race depending on the context (when the guys tease me or make fun of me for something I’ll jokingly cry “it’s cause I’m black!!!” which is met with resounding laughter).
But I also said that I’d appreciate it if they didn’t use the word for the most part. This also extended into the ridiculous racist parody songs one specific friend would play (parodies of well known pop songs remixed with racist lyrics) that he thought were hilarious. Also extended into them seeing gay men on tv & asking “ew what IS that thing?!” (To which I would respond that that “thing” is just a gay man & they would respond “no no that’s not a man, that’s a thing. I wouldn’t even know what to do if something like that walked into the room.”). Also into them calling middle eastern people “sand niggers”.
I’m aware that I will probably never *really* get to them or make them care enough to not act like that in their day to day life, but I asked that they try to keep it to a minimum around me out of respect. I see them once or twice a week for a few hours at a time & all I asked was that they held it back during those times. They’re otherwise cool guys who I honestly would not ever be friends with if it weren’t for my boyfriend because we just don’t have similar interests. I was raised in the city, they’re very outdoorsy, ATV & big trucks kind of guys (I love that stuff but not nearly as much as them). But we all get along well otherwise & I’ve generally prided myself on giving them the freedom to otherwise be reckless, rowdy guys in their early 20’s. I also want to say that the guys have never said anything racist about *me*, at least not to my face. I’ve never felt like they treat me poorly or differently due to my race. But they just seem to just think that because they’re not saying anything bad about me specifically that it should be okay with me.
After 4 years of this, I’m tired. I’m tired of it. They tried for a while but when it became hard for them to remember to not be racist or homophobic around me, they stopped caring. I have never been someone to be quiet when I see or hear fucked up shit, so every time they do it or say something along those lines, I tell them to stop & why it’s not right & why it bothers me, which turns into the “nigger is just a word, why can black people say it but I can’t” argument or something. When I’m too tired to argue & I know my requests will fall on deaf ears, I often just go silent & don’t engage with the conversation because it’s just not worth the effort, because they’ve made it clear, as time has gone on, that they don’t care. I never get irate with them or yell, I just keep to myself if that’s how the conversation is going to be, because I want no part of it. My boyfriend will sometimes tell them “ok guys relax that’s messed up” but has never actually put his foot down about it or said he won’t tolerate it because he doesn’t want to alienate them (note that he’s also the ring leader of the group for the most part).
Ive been deemed the asshole girlfriend now because I refuse to tolerate it anymore. It puts me in a shit mood for the night & I just sit there quietly (to be fair it’s usually pretty clear that I’m annoyed) when it goes on for too long (I do have a threshold under which it won’t affect my mood because I’ve accepted that they’re like this to a degree & I can’t change that) & then I’m told that I’m ruining the night. As I’m told by my boyfriend, I need to “stop trying to protect everyone (minority groups) because it doesn’t affect me” , i.e when they make gay jokes or Muslim jokes, it shouldn’t bother me because I’m not gay or Muslim. Which is true, but I’d consider myself an ally to those groups bc I think they deserve respect & deserve to exist in the world without judgement. He basically thinks I should be a bystander to bigotry & I just can’t. I can’t do that. & it makes me question how much of an ally he really is if he thinks I shouldn’t care because it doesn’t affect me, & that he won’t demand that his friends do one simple thing in not making those jokes around his mixed (black) girlfriend. He’s not black, should racism against me not bother him because it’s not him? If we have children will he try to protect our mixed-black children from racism? It’s really made me question that he’s not actually racist, or at least doesn’t really actually care.
Another thing to note is another reason my boyfriend thinks I’m an asshole girlfriend is because I don’t engage with them constantly when we all hang out, which is because the conversation usually centers around mechanical jargon & landscaping & new sports cars & tire treads & shit like that. I enjoy that stuff but I definitely do not have enough knowledge about it to engage in a detailed conversation about it, beyond saying “wow they threw 38’s on that Jeep? & a lift? That thing is huge.” I know enough to get by, but after a minute or two they’re too deep into technical shit that I don’t understand so I can’t keep up. My boyfriend takes this as me not making an effort to “integrate” into the group. Which could not be further from the truth. I have gone on more off-roading trips & been bounced around in more modified jeeps & almost died in modified supercars than I ever thought I would, & I do it for him because he loves that stuff & that’s the lifestyle he lives. & his friends will small talk & joke around with me, & its never awkward when we do, but we don’t have meaningful connection making conversations because they don’t really have any interests similar to me, other than the things I’ve become mildly interested in because of them (trucks & shit). I don’t feel like I’ve integrated into the group fully bc we lack commonalities & they continue to alienate me by not respecting (what I consider to be) a pretty simple request to not be bigots when I’m around. But as far as they & my boyfriend are concerned, I’ve alienated myself.
& so now my question is...AITA for calling them out all the time, even though it upsets them to be called out? Am I too sensitive & overbearing with my opinion? Is it ridiculous for me to expect them to not say those things around me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
WV6F60X29QIIkfqLNX1NbKPXffYufDWv | ayyxi5 | {
"description": "forgetting about texting my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for forgetting about texting my friend? | First time posting here
This happened a while ago, but it has left me wondering since.
A Monday during a normal week in college, I texted my friend whom I haven’t seen in a while asking to hang out that weekend.
He seemed pretty excited with the idea, and accepted(although we didn’t specify a place or time)
Throughout the week, we didn’t text each other at all, and because of the crazy amount of homework, I forgot about our texts saying that I’d hang out with him.
After the weekend is over, he texts me “hey you never hit me up”, I sincerely apologized and explained my situation, and offered to hang out later during the week
He stopped texting me after that, and just ignores my messages when I try to text him.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iTjjOENOboWe0TWiCtfwJkhmecBiCy3G | b05980 | {
"description": "not wanting my friends to put my bf in their game of MASH",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For not wanting my friends to put my bf in their game of MASH? | Its like 2 am and my friend snaps me saying shes gonna marry my boyfriend and have 5 kids with him. When I asked what she was talking about, she said her and my other best friend were playing that MASH game and that my boyfriend was on their lists. Normally I wouldn't be that bothered by it but my boyfriend and I have been having some slight troubles lately, troubles that they knew about, and I really just felt annoyed and told her she didn't really need to tell me that, especially at 2 in the morning. I fully admit I have jealousy issues. However, she told me to chill and not get "heated" that she said she was going to 'marry your mans and have 5 kids with him'. I asked her if she wouldn't mind not putting him in their game, as there are plenty of other guys they could use, since it makes me slightly uncomfortable and her response was once again that I needed to chill.
AITA for asking her not to put him in her MASH game? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
wasq6Bpdk1ZxnD09xsjMxCVs3IGffW80 | a5hyy6 | {
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for not really getting me a Christmas present",
"pronormative_score": 307,
"contranormative_score": 101
} | AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for not really getting me a Christmas present? | My boyfriend and I exchanged presents early because he’s leaving to spend the next two weeks with his family. He’s struggling financially right now and looking for a new job, so I really wasn’t expecting much. Something small and thoughtful would have been fine.
But his present was promising to buy me tickets to a game with our local team that I’m a huge fan of. It would have been a wonderful gift but way more than I wanted him to spend his money on. But he didn’t. He just said he would buy them for me in the future when I picked a game. I don’t see him being able to afford it for at least a few months if that.
The thing that upset me is that he *could* have had the money to get me something if he had stopped smoking weed for a few weeks. But he spent all his extra income on that instead. He could tell I was disappointed with his gift, so I admitted all this.
He thinks I expected too much while knowing his financial situation and that the tickets are an awesome gift. I pointed out that he didn’t actually get me tickets and probably wouldn’t be able to anytime soon. He believes he will. Now we’re fighting.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 81,
"OTHER": 287,
"EVERYBODY": 20,
"NOBODY": 20,
"INFO": 11
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 307,
"WRONG": 101
} | RIGHT |
zqZF4dDnLdbYlGqQbiPsojwODug9jNVx | b3ehem | {
"description": "going to the college to study while my mom cleans the house",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going to the college to study while my mom cleans the house | Backstory: I use this did mostly to get some perspective of what battles I should fight and to not over step since I'm a bit of a pushover trying to grow a spine.
Story: so my mom started spring cleaning just before finals at my college meaning she wants me home most of the time and any spare second seems to be spent cleaning. I decided since this kept pulling me away from my studies id take the bus up to the college and study up there. My mom believes that this is an ass hole move on 3 points (I'll try to keep my interpretations of her argument as objective as possible) 1. "I paied for that bus card so you shouldn't be spending it to get away from me" (note I got my bus card with some extra money from a grant but she did buy the one for last quarter but when I explained this to her she scoffed at me a bit) 2. It's my home I'm not paying rent there for I should be cleaning. 3. That I should be more worried about my family then school. With that I'll try to sum up my side as much as I can I cleaned 3 rooms yesterday and sprayed down a bees nest yesterday despite being deathly allergic to these striped nightmares. I also am trying not to lose my scholarships to a bad gpa and bordering failing my math class. (I have 2 learning disabilities that make school pretty stuff but I want to be a lawyer so keeping good grades it key for me and something I can't easily do). I also have made it vary clear I don't mind cleaning the entire house once finals are over (on friday). I hope I kept this objective enuf and if you agree with me please give me some advice on dealing with this.
TLDR: I can't study for finals at home so I went to my school to study and my mom's upset that I did this while she's starting spring cleaning. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gRvO35AH6RnX3Xs5YXL163A2VQ0yu5GM | b74l1z | {
"description": "wanting to start a YouTube channel/show as a SIDE gig; when that's my girlfriends' main gig",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to start a YouTube channel/show as a SIDE gig; when that's my girlfriends' MAIN gig? | Put simply, I got this really good idea for a YouTube channel that I'm pretty excited about going for this summer and I shared this idea with my girlfriend.
She responded with "K" and "Oh you know, that's MY thing... but whatever, have fun."
I apologize I know relationship advice posts are getting a little out of hand here; but I'm confused because in MY mind, I'm just being ambitious and having goals outside my main career...
A little background; I'm a biochem major who wants to go to grad school, and she's a communications major who really wants to be on TV as an anchor. She also wants to start a YouTube channel this summer. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tAh1maXHb83lUUwTac0XkRnUYQ7dTeaS | atcfwx | {
"description": "asking my sister to dye her hair a \"normal\" color",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 47
} | AITA for asking my sister to dye her hair a “normal” color? | I’m getting married, beautiful white dress and venue. Expensive photos. Everything I wish for, but...My sister (who is in my bridal party) has BRIGHT blue hair. I don’t want that to be where people’s eyes go when they are at my ceremony nor in all of my photos. I’m spending so much time and money on a beautiful neutral colored ceremony, she would stick out like a rose in a desert. Thanks for your thoughts. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 45,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 19,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 47
} | WRONG |
FVjEG8ALmlHLHVHOYE3omWE76DciBxvd | 9xgwet | {
"description": "stopping covering for my co-workers",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I stopped covering for my co-workers? | So, before getting into everything, there are just a few things that I need to note about my job/situation.
​
**1.** Currently, I work in the building I live in - I'm the person you call if you're locked out of the building at three in the morning or evacuating the building if there's a fire. My usual hours are from 5 PM - 9 AM during the week and I don't have to be awake for all of them.
**2.** I work with three other girls (four if you count the building manager but she isn't here during nights and weekends) and for the sake of this story, I'll refer to them as Emily, Julie, Clarie and Sarah (Sarah being the manager). It should also be noted that these girls are all younger than me by about 3 - 4 years, most of them not being older than 20 years old.
**3.** Aside from the building manager, we're all in university (I myself am in the third year but to add onto this, I'm an international student)
4**.** We get our work times a month in advance.
​
So, I'm not sure where to even start with this story. I feel as though this has slowly been building up for months and I'm just at a point now where I'm frustrated as all hell.
​
So, I want to preface things by saying that I really appreciate my job - before this year I tried working in a bar to make money (I had worked in bars before) but it was hellish, both the hours and people. This job allows me a lot more flexibility than most other jobs and I can work on my studies while I'm in the office or on shift.
​
Now, take this how you will but, my work ethic has always been along the lines of - unless I'm throwing up or can't move, I can still go into work. I'm also the type of person who'll cover another co-worker if they ask (honestly, I just need the money, there's no honorable reason for it lol)
​
Over the seven months that I've had this job, I've come to realize that I'm covering the other girls for the stupidest of reasons. Perhaps I'm the idiot for not asking why I'm covering when they ask but when I find out later why I've covered. I'm pretty fucking annoyed.
​
There have been a few times where Julie asks me to take her night shifts, only for me to find out the next morning (when she's late for her own day shift) that she was out partying/clubbing/drinking. There have been a few times where Clarie asks me to cover her because she's going into the city or she's going to see a concert and then Sarah. There have been a fair few times where Sarah has asked me to cover the office (on days she knows I have classes) because she's 'sick' - to put it simply, that's either a hangover or, a petty little cough that anyone can work through.
​
Basically, I cover for these girls a lot - I myself work around the times I'm given, I'm told whatever days I need off in advance. For heck sake, I'm even working the Christmas period because they guilted me into doing it, even though my mum is flying up and I haven't seen her in a year! That ... that's another issue itself though honestly.
​
Fast forward to this week, on Monday I start having pain in the side of my stomach - it isn't cramping, it's something more isolated and it's to a point where no matter what position I'm in. I'm in pain. I'm still fine to work my night shifts however since it isn't too much moving and I can stay in my room. I figure I've just eaten something bad and it'll get better in a few days.
​
Wednesday comes around and I get a text from Claire asking me to cover the office on Friday (we originally agreed to split the shift) she says she has classes and meetings until 4 PM and to this. I say that I'll do the shift and it's fine. That night, however, my stomach pain took a turn for the worse, I was pretty much in bed crying because it was a constant pain and the following morning, I text the other girls in the group chat if someone can cover me, even if it's only half the day.
​
Julie doesn't bother replying and Emily says she can't because she has class - I know this is bullshit because she's worked Friday's in the office before / we've had half days because she has class in the afternoon. I've explained that I'm sick, I'm in a world of pain and at this point, I've also got a migraine (another thing I need to talk to the doctors about) I get no response.
​
Later that night, I head downstairs because I have to collect the building keys - I'm on shift for the third night in a row. Sarah is in the office and she kinda makes this comment after I tell her I'm in a lot of pain 'You know you can ring up tomorrow and get an emergency doctor appointment and ... oh wait you're working. Well, don't forget tomorrow you need to do \_\_\_\_' she starts listing off a few things I need to do in the office - which to be honest should be her job.
​
I told a friend what has been happening and (he knows the situation better than what I've written) he's basically said to me 'You need to stop covering for these girls since they've basically fucked you over.' and honestly, I'm considering it. Not to mention there have been a few times where I've taken their shifts and they kinda laugh and make comments of 'oh it's not like you have a life.' to make things better, on the days I can't cover (being when I have classes) I get guilted heavily.
​
So, WIBTA if I stopped covering for these girls when they asked? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jlejliFgkNaWBVFjdDJ7xi3KBp3gigSA | ajtzzb | {
"description": "asking someone to stop contacting me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking someone to stop contacting me? | First off I'm on mobile so sorry for bad grammer and formatting.
Last year I was royally screwed over by someone with a higher power. That stuff really messed me up and I've separated myself from that, and my only ties are some friends who still work there. One year I'm doing good and out of the blue the person who screwed me over sends a text offering "help" and honestly it pissed me off. I want to tell him to stop contacting me/lose my number because I don't ever want his "help". I'm told that this would make petty and bitter, but is it wrong I don't want him to talk to me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
o9k2Eun9Ugkq1L6Dov1XeUV3vFgI14W4 | b4dyuo | {
"description": "offering something to someone after they declined it the first time",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for offering something to someone after they declined it the first time? | To set the context: I am an Indian American (first generation American) and my boyfriend is an American. My parents immigrated to the U.S. in the 80’s and we visit them often.
We spent the night at my parents’ house last night. My boyfriend said that he was cold and wished he had sweatpants. I told him that I could check if my dad had any extras. He told me, “No, it’s ok”. My mom called me into her room to ask me something. While I was there, I decided to check my dad’s closet to see if he had any sweatpants for my boyfriend. He had a pair that had never been worn, still had the tags on. I thought it would be nice to offer these to my boyfriend, considering they were brand new and my dad said it would be ok to let him borrow them. When I offered them to my boyfriend, he got angry and said, “you didn’t listen to me when I declined them the first time. You blatantly ignored me and I consider that rude”. I just thought it would be nice to offer them, I had no intention of forcing him to wear them.
I wonder if this is a culture clash. My family constantly offers things to people out of kindness, even if they don’t ask for things sometimes. I can understand that it can be annoying if someone is being pushy about offering something. We’re not talking right now. I wish he would have approached the topic in a non-argumentative way, but I’m not sure if I was in the wrong because of what I’m accustomed to.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
vhclByrbGOt9TxryIW5y1aKNxkA431uJ | ap9l2n | {
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my family",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to spend time with my family. | There has been no confrontation about this with my family yet (other than from my oldest sister) but it has been weighing on my conscious for a bit so I want to know what you guys think. (TL;DR at bottom)
Today my mom had almost my whole immediate family over, except for my youngest (still a lot older than me) sister who lives about 40 miles away from us, and me. Everyone was pushing for me to come over. My mother prepared dinner for everyone and it looked like an admittedly great time. I however, just didn’t want to come over. I have been having a hard time recently with some kind of depression and I have just been preferring my free time to sulk to myself than to being with family.
The above paragraph is pretty much the long and short of it. I’m going to go a bunch into the history of other reasons I’d rather be alone than spend time with family, and it may have many instances of poor grammar and run on sentences so I apologize.
When I was about 6 years old (2008) my mother and father got a divorce. I guess there is nothing spectacular about that except for the fact that my father fought arm and tooth to get 50% custody of me, and to keep the house we were living in since he made double to triple what my mother made.
The fact that my father kept the house meant that I preferred to stay at my fathers house. Not because I dislike spending time with my mother, but mainly because I grew up at my dads house and knew the kids my age around there, and because the only friends I’d had near my mothers house were a pair of kids that I can only describe as unfortunately white trash. Whilst at my mothers house, I had just kind of learned to take joy in my days going as such: 1. Do whatever homework I had. 2. Go play Wii or something until dinner time and then read a book.(I was really watching anime on my I-Pod but we don’t talk about that). I had no real friends, I was (and still am) not the kind to like playing sports, and I certainly did not want to help my mother in the garden, although I begrudgingly did most summers since it was my only source of allowance.
After my father got me a P.C. In 2012 I couldn’t wait to go to my dad’s house since I could play Minecraft, and I could talk to friends on Skype. This was great and my lack of real life friends really gave me a home on my P.C.
The years went by and now I spend most of my time at my fathers by a huge margin. My father is gone on business most of the time, and the alone time makes this house great. Back when it was just my step dad and Mom at my moms house I was able to get a lot of alone time as well. But here is where I really feel like there is a possibility that I could be the asshole here. 2 years ago my grandmother moved into my moms house, and last summer my sister and her two children moved back into my moms house.
This has caused my moms house to be overpopulated, and for it to be really noisy. My sister and mother have a very toxic relationship and it often devolved into yelling. My sister is also a huge pothead and my grandmother isn’t a fan of that. My sister has been using the fact that my grandmother doesn’t support weed as something to hold over her head a lot. It has gotten to the point where my grandmother had to move back out (which she doesn’t have the money to do) and my sister is now threatening to leave my moms house because my mom “doesn’t love her”.
Here is the catch, my grandmother doesn’t like week because she knows people from the 60’s who have been seriously depressed as a result of how much they’ve smoked, not because of anything else. She doesn’t want my sister to stop just because she is old and “not with the times”, but because she cares about my sister. Not to mention my mom “not loving” my sister. My mother has let my sister back into her house multiple times despite my sister using my mom as a free baby care service and not having a job. My sister has multiple arrest warrants in Nevada and she damn near abused my nieces because of the way she treats them.
This has all lead me to just prefer me spending time with me, my music, and my computer. Because of my love for music I no longer want silence, I need my music. I have formed and emotional dependency on it and it is hard for me to go a long time without it. My moms house is *not* the place for that. With two toddlers and a sister that won’t stop having temper tantrums, I just want to be alone. Given I guess it might be assholish that I spend the time that I do with my dad, but even that is just because we share a need for constant music and we also share musical tastes.
On top of that I seem to see this concept of people peeing their family their time and I just don’t know. For all I can gather this is really ranty and I’m truly sorry if you think reading this was a waste of your time. Anyway, have a good day.
(TL;DR) My family has been trying to get me to do things with them but I just don’t want to as it stands. It’s not that I dislike spending time with them I just am not in the mood to leave my room recently. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
E7pzLD8LdWlwvpdXOazoOx42BiMIskSZ | adcvja | {
"description": "calling out my boyfriend's rudeness at a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For calling out my boyfriend’s rudeness at a restaurant? | So we’re out to eat and my bf calls the waitress over with his hand, even though she was an audible distance away, and without saying “excuse me.” He called her “missy” and asked how much she wanted for a tip. He actually said “hey missy, how much tip do you want?” Later, he and I were on the phone, and I told him I thought that was rude. He said his dad does that all the time and that it’s not rude. I laughed and said his dad was socially inept for doing that and he got really upset and said “thanks for the confidence, thanks for laughing at me!” and hung up. I called back to apologize and he won’t pick up. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
znDxjq2Gc8YUE4A7k0S95HWP8lHGmIoo | acpibw | {
"description": "throwing a drink in my racist aunt's face",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for throwing a drink in my racist aunt’s face? | Alright so quick story here - I’m French-Canadian, my boyfriend is Ethopian. Most of my family doesn’t really give two shits about his race, so they don’t comment about it at all. When I say most, I mean my jackass, “I’m not racist but....” aunt is the only one who gives me shit for dating him. In the past she jokingly said I should “stuff cotton down there” as a means of birth control because “he’s black and wouldn’t want to pick that shit to get there”. My family barely tolerates her, my uncle and cousins seem humiliated whenever she opens her mouth.
ANYWAYS, family New Year’s party. Everyone’s having fun, I brought my boyfriend along because, well, he gets along very well with my cousins and dad. Then my bitchy aunt pulled me aside and told me “How dare you bring that monkey into your grandmother’s house? I hope you never bring any of your ovaltine-looking children to ANY of our parties when he inevitably leaves you and you gain thirty pounds.”
Needless to say, the appletini I was drinking ended up right in her face and I left with my boyfriend right away and got drunk at his sister’s house instead. Two days later my mother texted me asking what the hell was I thinking, causing drama at the family party? She demanded an apology to my aunt for my “drama queen behavior” despite the fact that I explained what happened to my mom right before i left the party. Am I really the asshole here?
Tl;dr - Racist aunt makes gross comments about me dating my boyfriend, she gets my drink in her face. Mom is PISSED. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 37,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 14
} | RIGHT |
pYtDrtKnyWj6fLVcAnEDX7tmXYKmkwtF | a7gj6c | {
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to be friends with his ex",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to be friends with his ex? | My current boyfriend of 8 months and best friend of 2+ years broke up with his ex 2 years ago after they dated for 2+ years. Everything was fine until she came to the same college that we attend. At first they didn't talk much, but now they live near each other and have been talking and hanging out often (I'd say hanging out 2-4 times per week). They have gotten much closer. Bf and I talked about it, he says they're just friends and doesn't understand why it upsets me that they are actual friends (not just on good terms or acquaintances) who eat together, talk often, and hang out. AITA for not wanting them to be friends? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yRuPfV2LYXP1vgrM66EAHFEpFFc2yQ0d | asf3z5 | {
"description": "wanting a break from the baby even though I'm a stay at home mom",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting a break from the baby even though I’m a stay at home mom? | My husband works from home and I stay and take care of our 4mo. I have done 99% of the care. When I ask for help he seems like he is doing me a favor even after he is done working. He told me the other night that he feels like he doesn’t get a break and basically said it’s my job to care for the baby at all times Bc he works.
He has gotten better about helping mostly Bc I just ask him to do more stuff now and he knows I’m mad and he doesn’t like conflict. But people, he games 4 hours a night with no complaint from me Bc yes he does work and that is a good break.
He doesn’t understand that I am touched out. Our daughter needed constant contact Bc of reflux. I literally slept on the couch sitting straight up with her for at least 6 weeks Bc of it. She is slowly getting better but I’m literally with her 24/7. She still sleeps with me. He rarely takes her for more than 10-20 mins. The longest is an hour ish Bc I took a bath a handful of times. He has started laying with her while she sleeps in the evening. He actually said “ok I’m done” after about 10 mins once.
Sometimes he forgets I need to shower when I’ve waited for him to stop gaming then gets a little irritable Bc he wants to go to bed. I also take the baby with me to drop my oldest off at school Bc he gets cranky about not getting enough sleep. He snapped at me like I was a dog Bc I wasn’t going fast enough to get socks to leave. When I said he could take my daughter to school then, he said he wouldn’t and he guesses she gets to stay home that day. I ended up taking her.
Now he is telling his brother, whom he games with and works with, that he got in trouble for gaming so he has to take a break. So he has totally missed what I was upset about. I still don’t care if he games. I just want a break more often and an actual parenting partner.
During these short breaks I’m usually cleaning. He does cook and will wash the pans when he needs them. My oldest fills the dishwasher. He will sometimes wipe cabinets off. He washes clothes when he is out and does most of the dog care.
Today he is saying he wants to get up earlier and basically be more of a partner. But I need to know if I’m just being an asshole and he’s right.
So AITA for needing a break from the baby even though I stay at home and my husband works?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 49,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 51,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eUGPGVnNRrdFl6l5ljkmCbsyxO42x0Mi | 9x6waq | {
"description": "calling out of work because of bad weather",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling out of work because of bad weather? | Where I live in PA the weather is supposed to be very bad tomorrow. Basically the temperature is hovering between 32-33 degrees which means freezing rain, and definite ice once the sun sets and everything freezes. It’s not going to be much of an accumulation of snow just a possible couple inches so the retail store I’m at is probably going to stay open because they rarely ever close. I am terrified of driving in the ice. I don’t have a car that's great in the snow and I don't have a lot of experience driving. I told my boss that I might not be able to come in and she is not answering me so I know she's pissed. I feel really bad and I do not want to call out but I really feel I would be putting my safety and my car at risk going in. I'm new to this job and I really try to avoid being a problem at all cost, but if I end up getting in an accident I'm fucked.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
VvTgtUA8hJKKUbxkklA0EKX4UqS7YUv7 | b5z3uf | {
"description": "not wanting to walk my elderly neighbor's severely overweight dog",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to walk my elderly neighbor’s severely overweight dog? | My neighbor has a black Labrador retriever that is very overweight (113) lbs. The reason she’s this overweight is because my neighbor went through a family tragedy and just began to over feed the dog human food and never took her out for walks. She eventually realized what she was doing was wrong and put her on a strict diet. While she is on a diet my neighbor has trouble helping her lose weight because she doesn’t have the energy to go on the extensive walks the dog needs to lose weight.
I’m the only teenager in my neighborhood. Everyone else is either an adult who works full time or a young child. Because of this all of our neighbors decided it would be best if I helped the dog lose weight because I only work on the weekends and I have a lot of free time. I was opposed to the idea but my parents forced me to help out our neighbor. Walking this dog is very annoying and hard. It takes a lot of effort just helping her get in my car. When we go on walks the dog can’t go more than a few minutes without stopping to take a break ( I carry a dog bowl and some water in my book bag and she spends about 2 minutes resting) For her exercise were supposed to walk part of a dog park trail and I have to take a picture of me and the dog to prove we actually made it to her distance goal. This should only take us about 20-30 minutes but since she’s so fat it takes us 1hr -1hr 15 minutes. I can’t spend time with my friends and I am not being compensated.
I was recently relieved from my duty because my neighbor’s granddaughter and her mom would be staying with her so she would walk the dog. I took her granddaughter to the park and showed her where she would be walking and how far. During this time she was walking the dog. Whenever the dog wanted to rest she would force it to keep going and she would berate it by calling it fatass instead of its name. The dog was whimpering and I could tell it was getting exhausted. I told her that she needed to let it rest but she said the dog needed to work hard at losing weight. I told my mom how she was treating the dog and she said she’ll talk to our neighbor but if this continues I should offer to walk the dog again. I told her that it’s her responsibility to get her granddaughter in check and that I would not be walking that dog again. She said I should go with her granddaughter to check if she’s treating the dog right but I don’t want to that either
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rEQKR9NjhXQGjPD5faSIPNZxi9KeF45h | ahvtyo | {
"description": "stopping mid-sex because my girlfriend said something that pissed me off",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for stopping mid-sex because my girlfriend said something that pissed me off? | As the title states, I stopped mid-sex due to something my girlfriend said. Without going into a heap of information I’ll give you guys a little context. We’ve been arguing recently, and the main basis of that is that my girlfriend has a few selfish and entitled tendencies, we’re both women and have been together for eight years now.
A small example of this is when I was working in the office the other day and ended up having to counsel a very good friend of mine through a life crisis that was urgent for about an hour and as a result I didn’t get any work done. Partner enters just after I get off the phone and expresses her annoyance that I’d put time into my friend instead of her, and now was going to have to spend extra time making up for it finishing my work. This is a rarity that I bring work home, I spend a *lot* of time with my partner, it was just a situation that came up. Quite obviously this is bullshit and I told her so. But this is the type of low level crap that I’m having to deal with recently. My friend genuinely needed me, it wasn’t trivial.
So anyway, back to the asshole moment. We’re enjoying a bit of time together (last night) and I’m in the act of giving her oral, I’d been doing it for about fifteen minutes at this point and moved onto kissing her in other places before communicating that I wanted her to change position so I could do something a little different to her. No hurry to orgasm, I just wanted to shake it up a little. Her response?
“Well I was happy with you just playing with me to be honest”
Now this in itself isn’t an issue, and usually I’d be like “no probs” and go to town down there. But it was the tone. The tone was the same one she used in the office, slightly petulant, a little whiny and entitled. I stopped what I was doing and told her I’d lost the horn, which I had. I was also very annoyed and couldn’t quite put my finger on it at the time (no pun intended).
So now I’m the person who gave her partner blue balls because she had the audacity to tell me she was enjoying something I was doing and wanted it to continue, but with a tone that would make you want to send her to her room because she sounded like a bratty kid.
AMITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
f6KYFacxnEiX3bdnGCCzLb8NP45pj8AF | 9ws2fa | {
"description": "wanting an equal chance to stay in my parent's guest rooms",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting an equal chance to stay in my parent’s guest rooms? | My parents own a 3br 2bath home with an unfinished basement. When my siblings and I moved out/got married my parents changed the remaining 2 bedrooms into a children’s nursery/playroom, and a guest bedroom. My brother is single, and owns a house 5 minutes away from my parents so he has no need for the guest bedroom. My sister, her husband and their two kids live 2 hours drive away. My fiancé and our LO (23 months) 2 hours away as well in the same city as sister and BIL.
For the past 5 years, my sister has assumed at all times that the guest bedrooms are hers to use. She doesn’t ask our parents, she will simply call before the holiday/birthday/event and announce how long they’re staying (anywhere from 48 hours to a week and a half). This has been a point of contention with my parents as my sister expects entertainment for the kids, all meals, and often will plan for our parents to babysit her children on zero notice. My parents have been vocal with me about me, but less so with my sister.
Until last year, this wasn’t a huge issue as FH and I were living within 30 minutes driving distance or less from my parent’s home. A year ago, we moved away. This is now the second Thanksgiving that we’re needing to travel with LO. I called my parents weeks ago, letting them know that we were planning on coming to celebrate Thanksgiving with them, but would be staying in a nearby hotel. My parents were not fond of the idea and insisted we should stay with them, but said I should also talk to my sister.
So, I texted sister to let her know what our original plans were and what my parents offered. That was roughly 10 days ago, and my sister had yet to respond or bring up the subject despite me trying to start the conversation in person.
Since I couldn’t get a response from my sister, I called my parents to see who would be staying with them. My mother told me that my sister had apparently gotten a hold of my brother and talked him into hosting the four of them for the entire holiday weekend.
I know my sister is upset at the fact that FH, LO and I will be staying with my parents instead of her family. The question is, AITA here? She’s had 5 years of using my parent’s guest bedrooms like it’s an all-inclusive hotel. I think it’s only fair at this point to realize that they’re not the only family that needs to travel, it’s not their house, and asking to stay VERSUS assuming is just basic decency and manners.
I consider it basic manners to ASK to stay, and accept the response given with respect. Although at this point, I’m tempted just to get a hotel anyways to save on drama. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NbUl5QrYOBy7e4I7IGEyi5CZoNhaCYgk | 9v1azu | {
"description": "not being happy about being volunteered to watch someones pet",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being happy about being volunteered to watch someones pet? | Backstory: My wife car pools with a classmate to uni (an hour and a half away from our house, and 2-2.5 hours from the classmates house, they meet up and ride together)
​
So, last night, I had it dropped on me that the classmate mentioned above would be bringing her dog to my house for me to watch while they are in class for four hours. I work all day, and we have 2 dogs (One is a puppy who is currently training and is a huge handful) and 2 cats. I also take my puppy to work with me, which means my work days are very busy handling him AND my job.
I told her I didn't appreciate her volunteering me to do this without asking first. And this is for a number of reasons: I will be having to make sure this dog that I haven't met (And I haven't met her, the classmate, either, only heard her on the phone) isn't aggressive towards my animals. I won't be there when it is left at my house before I get home from work, so it will not know who the fuck I am when I get home. I don't know if the dog will be aggressive to me. It also doesn't know my house and where it should be going to notify me to go outside. There are plenty of reasons not to WANT to watch the dog. I will do it, and certainly have no problems with animals, but there are reasons for me to not be happy about this, imo.
I usually have ZERO issues with being volunteered for certain things. For example, it often occurs where my wife will just randomly tell me she promised family/friends we would go to an event/dinner with them. No big deal. As long as it is a WE thing and not a thing I am stuck doing alone. Not to mention these things are usually fun and not added stress to my already long days of work and puppy-handling.
​
After she told me this last night, that she already signed me up for this, I was a bit pissed. I told her she should never do volunteer someone for something like this - I don't want to spend what little time I have at home having to deal with even MORE than I already have to. She began crying, and last night went to sleep upset, and was upset this morning. I am not mad, because I told her what I thought of the situation and that I thought it was inconsiderate.
​
She keeps saying it's not a big deal, and it's only four hours. I personally feel like she isn't really understanding that she signed me up to watch someone elses living creature without me consenting.
​
I apologized to her because I did get a bit dickish towards the situation, but I still feel like I am in the right here with not being okay with being signed up for something like this. I mean, imagine if I told her that I signed her up to watch a friend of mines, who she had never met, child. But she shouldn't be mad because its ONLY 4 hours.
​
The situation is mostly dissolved and I'll be watching the pupper, but was I wrong for being a bit pissed about this?
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vCiHqh5uoh7gmu6MUGr8ZpLWsgPx2BlT | alggr8 | {
"description": "not proposing to my fiancé in the same place both sets of her grandparents and parents got engaged",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 74
} | AITA for not proposing to my fiancé in the same place both sets of her grandparents and parents got engaged? | I'll get this out of the way, I feel like an incredible asshole here, but maybe it's one of those things where she's overreacting a bit. I honestly don't know and maybe it doesn't matter because we have to move on one way or another.
So backstory on this, fiancé grew up in smallish mountain town north of Albuquerque, NM as did her parents and both sets of grandparents. Both grandparents got engaged in the town plaza because it was sort of the thing to do back in the day. Her parents also got engaged in the plaza but in a much more informal "hippieish" manner in the 70s, but it was still the same location.
When we seriously started talking about marriage she told me flat out (to paraphrase) "I don't care about the ring, I don't care about you asking my dad for 'permission', I don't care how much you spend, what time of year it is or if it's freezing outside; I want you to propose in the Taos Plaza." I was like cool...I can do that.
So we've been talking about rings for maybe the last six months and I finally bought one that I feel definitely fit her personality. I stupidly told her best friend and best friend told her. So last weekend we decided to spend the weekend in her hometown skiing. As the weekend came to a close I could tell she was getting antsier and antsier but it honestly didn't clue in what the deal was. As we drove past the plaza on the way back to Albuquerque she even said "he look, it's the plaza...we should stop!"
Because I'm an IDIOT it didn't clue me in what she was talking about and I was the good computer engineer and said something like "no, no we have a schedule to keep, work tomorrow!" So the whole way home she was that kind of like mad/sad and wasn't really talking to me. I figured she was tired and didn't make much of it.
So next day I saw her best friend at work (she works with me) and she basically said that I really blew it because girlfriend was expecting me to propose on the trip. In an a-ha moment I was like that's what she was mad. So I took her out to a nice dinner Tuesday night and got on one knee and proposed to her in a restaurant. She said yes but I could tell she was still really upset. I asked her what was wrong and she very openly told me (again paraphrasing) "I love you and want to marry you, but for almost a year and half I've told you I want one thing and one thing only from my proposal and it's goin to take me a long time to not be upset that you didn't listen to me."
So the moment that was supposed to symbolize the start of our new life together ended with her taking most of her food home in a doggy bag, leaving to her apartment by herself and her telling me "I really love you, but I'm really upset and I need some time before I see you again" and kissing me on the cheek. I know she'll come around but I don't know when.
So I full on acknowledge I'm an idiot, but am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 70,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 74
} | WRONG |
2NENXr2rIFeaIRk3SXNqrdwtk8crkQT8 | b56jdi | {
"description": "ruining a night",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ruining a night? | I had a big breakdown Friday night. This may seem like I’m begging for validation but I promise you, I’m not. Friday night our school had this event, and loud sounds don’t mix well with me.
I still wanted to go, of course, assuming I would be fine and all. It wasn’t fine at all.
I ended up crying, a lot. Sobbing in the bathroom and all that. A couple of my friends tried to help, and I didn’t say anything because I really couldnt.
I thought they were fine with it. They werent. I stayed off of social media for all of Saturday and most of today. After reading through all the messages I missed tonight, it really hurts.
They were talking about how I kind of ruined the night for them, speaking of me as I was some sort of burden they had to carry. I bummed them out the whole night and how I shouldn’t have come.
I understand I won’t be the ass for crying, but AITA for putting them in a position that made them feel the need to come to my aid? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
LzApscApLF2d3zUiXlOqGJucxm0Szf3K | aezzl2 | {
"description": "getting my cousin a $750 ticket",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for getting my cousin a $750 ticket? | So to start this off I don't think I'm in the wrong at all. My cousin has a bit of an ego and blames others for his own problems.
Anyways, my cousin for whatever reason can not license a car under his name. I believe it must be because he owes money to the license issuer but I can't be sure. So, he comes to ask his one cousin that might help in this situation. He offers to pay me $100 and I who needs help paying off a ticket a few months ago accepts.
Fast forward a couple months later, I unknowingly had my license suspended because I forgot to schedule an appointment for a defender drivers class. I've been driving everyday since and had never been pulled over so I consider myself vey lucky. A couple days ago my cousin got pulled over because they ran the plates on his car that is under my name for a reason I'm not too sure(could be random or recklessly driving). So as they run the plates they see my name and realize that my license is suspended and think that the person driving the vehicle is me only to find that it is not. We live in Canada and weed is legal and they treat weed similarity to alcohol. You can not consume it in a vehicle and can not drive high. Anyways, he gets his mouth swabbed and the police find out he is impaired and impound his car and give him a $750 ticket.
After this incident, my cousin texted me with a novel worth of text messages explaining what happened and getting pissed at me, basically saying it's my fault. He was saying that he paid me $100 and couldn't even keep my shit together and make sure my license wasn't suspended. I told him he shouldn't be smoking and driving and it's shouldn't be my fault and he replied that I am the asshole and at least he had the decency to tell me that my license is suspended so I wouldn't get a ticket.
He doesn't seem to believe he's the asshole in this situation, but I can only see how he is. Sure I messed up by forgetting to schedule an appointment and having my licence suspended, but I didn't have to let him registered his car under my name. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
0QanyRd0cXevF1IPDnZQVUrT0gqYZNst | b3s2u6 | {
"description": "wanting to confront non-residents for using our fitness center",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For wanting to confront non-residents for using our fitness center? | We live in an apartment complex that has a fitness center on the property. Lately, I've noticed an increase in non-residents driving into the complex, parking their car outside the gym, using it, getting back in their car and taking off back home.
One side of me is "whatever", they're not hurting me or getting in my way so what do I care, right?
But the other side of me is getting increasingly annoyed at the people who feel entitled to just come in and just help themselves to facilities and property that **my** rent payment is going towards. It feels like paying $20 for a meal and a stranger coming to the table and eating fries off your plate without even asking.
I've noticed the same people coming and going enough times that I now know what they look like and what their vehicles look like. I'm preparing to confront them and ask if they're residents, and if they aren't, that they need to quit coming or I'll be notifying the leasing office and the authorities.
My neighbor says this is an asshole thing to do because they aren't causing any trouble, aren't getting in my way and I should stay out of it and let the complex deal with it. She is far more easy going than I am and says it's a great thing these people want to improve their health and we're blessed to live in a great place and should share. She also warned me that because the people doing this are of a different race, it's more than likely I could wind up being recorded and blasted on the internet as the latest racist villain - "Fitness Center Freddy stops people trying to better themselves and improve their health!". This seems completely unfair to me.
Am I the asshole for wanting to shut this shit down and tell these people to go run in the park or buy a membership to 24hr Fitness and quit treating a private fitness center that all residents have to pay to use as their own personal gym? Or should I live and let live? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
LxjifimWvAEuoSR7OzW8uRYO5tdTQE1i | accwij | {
"description": "cancelling plans with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cancelling plans with my sister? | My sister is a huge Panic at the Disco fan, and a few months ago we went to their concert. We had some pretty shitty seats and were both unimpressed with the overall experience. Well, they are coming back to town in January and for X-mas I told her I would buy us tickets to go together. She was super excited and I was happy I got to spend time with her, since she lives alone now. She then decides to invite 2 of her friends and expects me to pay for it. That would be about $400 in tickets. She said her friends would pay me back but they are both wishy washy with plans so I cancelled so I'm not SOL with 2 tickets and no money. What should I have done? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qHhdlXDqT2t6SoIRqDDJbLBtl8HBql75 | attvtb | {
"description": "not helping a friend with class",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping a friend with class | I am taking a college course with an old high school friend which always ask for clarification on assignments. However many of their questions are answered in lecture which they rarely show up to. They message me around every week only for homework questions. As the course went by I'm beginning to become more reluctant on helping them as I think it is unfair they are able to skip lecture and get the important information from me. Am I the asshole for not wanting to help my friend anymore? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QoVjFhkYvqTXzJR6Ls9vtuUV4ccSkXrE | 9x5b0e | {
"description": "breaking up with a gf of 4 years who recently moved in",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for breaking up with a GF of 4 years who recently moved in? | I'll start with some background: We met through a mutual friend 4 years ago when she was visiting with other friends for our University's football game and Halloween. Mutual friend said she thought I was cute and so I decided to go to the club with her and she stayed over that night(nothing happened). She lived and went to school 2.5 hours away and after constant texting, I made bus trips down there through the school year taking turns of her driving up, then once my second year started and I had my car on campus, we took turns driving to spend weekend with each other.
​
Fast forward 3 years when I graduated, I moved to another state(still 3 hours travel) and the same happened while she was in the last year of her university. She graduated this May and moved in with me in July-ish. She found a job in the same city, but just a retail job as she couldn't find anything in her major. She hasn't really looked since started working.
​
Through the last 4 years, we only had 1 big incident and have been communicative with each other. Since moving in with me, we've bickered a lot more but not to the point of sleeping on couches or yelling. When I reflect on the past few years, I've come to the realization that I don't have confidence in us lasting and I don't have a "spark" with her anymore and feel a little unhappy. I feel like there are better people out there suited for each of us as we don't have many shared interests and just I don't feel a vibe anymore. Another small part is she's been the only girl I've been with sexually and for this long, and I kind of want to experience what other people are about and date around while I can before settling down. This is really a small part though as I'm not sure how much I would put myself out there.
​
I still love her, but I feel I'm not in love with her. We've had some communication in the past about how we are doing, but I haven't discussed this feeling yet as I've recently realized what I was actually feeling. It's also coming up on our 4 year anniversary.
​
Would I be the Asshole for breaking up with my GF of 4 years who recently moved in and is much more into me than I am her? Especially when it's holiday season and coming up on our 4 year anniversary? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mxAFcNhmQMzJoyZhHoYZi1lJm91i5i4Q | aeubi2 | {
"description": "holding a grudge against my grandfather for abusing my mother, even though hes changed",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For holding a grudge against my grandfather for abusing my mother, even though hes changed? | My grandfather is almost 80, and in many ways theres a lot to respect and admire about him. Hes one of the hardest workers I know, he came up with nothing and made something of himself, he supported a family of with six kids.
Now hes extremely religious, he runs a bus ministry where he goes to low income areas and gets the children into church, pulling them out of crack houses and drug dens so that they can be taken care of. He has saved so many peoples lives, the pastor of one very prominent church was actually saved by my grandfather. When my grandpa was younger he actually saved the pastor (then a baby) from the pastors abusive father. The abusive dad was high and was holding the baby under water and my grandpa broke down the door with a bat and fought off two guys and a woman to save him.
So he definitely has a good side to him. However, even though i acknowledge this, he himself was a drunken violent bastard when he was younger, and he abused my mother terribly to the point where she is now a terrible alcoholic herself with insane trauma.
He would beat her for no reason, just in a drunken rage. He would throw here against walls. He would beat her with a belt until she bled. He would throw her christmas presents away when she misbehaved. Not only that, but he created an environment where abuse and neglect was rampant, and my mother was molested by a cousin. When he found out he put a stop to it, but i blame him for that.
This was all in the past. Before he was in church. But i look at my mom and how messed up she is, and how messed up she made me, and I cant help but resent him for what he did. Ive cut him out of my life and he may die soon.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
BP705uXpT4zz3FkcPFGb0W6aSreF3xx7 | ake6gt | {
"description": "not playing with my best friend whenever he's wants",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not playing with my best friend whenever he’s wants? | Background:
My best friend and I are really close and we hang out a lot on Discord and play different types of games together. Sometimes these games are good to me and not really that great for him and vice versa. Most of the time, though, we play shooter games. When he’s on and I’m on at the same time, we’ll usually play something together with a few other friends.
Question:
Sometimes I’ll be doing something like playing a different game, practicing guitar, or hanging out and watching T.V and he’ll be like, “wow always gotta do what you want to do, and not anything I want to do”. Kind of makes me feel bad. My question here is, should I be dropping everything to play with him whenever he wants? We used to play different genres a while back, but I got bored and returned to our main game. Other than that, I rarely really like to play other games, because we have different interests, and I thought I don’t really domineer his choices with mine at all. If it’s a game I enjoy and I’m not doing anything, I’ll hop on. If it’s not, I might depending on the game and if I’m not busy. Recently I think I’m in this mindset where, if i want to play something then I’ll get on it, and if he doesn’t want to then cool, that’s fine. People have different interests. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OLZ1xkw9o8yrRcSATmyyfKdkV0MJfIA0 | a5ir0d | {
"description": "having a massive go against someone I once called my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for having a massive go against someone I once called my best friend | Basically, I’ve been friends on and off with this guy for about 4 years. We’re only 15, so that’s like forever for teenagers. The on and off part is due to many major arguments. We’ve always managed to get past it and forgive each other though.
As for what happened, he bought a set of fairy tail keys off of me for £25. I gave them to him, saying he could pay me back later. Then, it turned out I needed some money for a shopping trip I’d had planned with a friend. It wasn’t an urgent thing but I asked if he could pay me back soon, since I knew he got his weekly pay. He said he wouldn’t and he was planning on saving a ‘comfortable amount’ before paying me back. I told him to give me the keys back until he could pay me back. He refused and when I went to confront him in person (and collect them), he put them down a drain.
I stopped talking to him, having a go at him for it. I had a temporary mental breakdown in the confines of my kitchen. We argued back and forth before I eventually blocked him. Then, he started messaging me on Twitter where he started saying homophobic stuff and just generally insulting me. I stopped all contact and blocked him whenever he messaged me.
I came to a realisation that he wasn’t a great person. He was horrible, cruel and a general bully.
During this period where he was out of my life, I was, hand on heart, the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I felt that I had time for myself and wasn’t pressured to hop onto a call as play whatever games he wanted to. I felt as if I could have other friends and play other games. And I did! It was honestly beautiful, to have that freedom.
Then, he started reemerging. A tweet asking for someone to help him write a diss track about me. Then him saying it was solely about the money. The money was just a catalyst to my realisation. It would’ve come eventually.
I kept him out of my mind for as long as I could but today, he tried contacting me 3 separate times on Twitter. Each time I blocked him but in the third, I’d had enough. I messaged him on WhatsApp (I’d forgotten to block him here) and told him to stop trying to contact and annoy me. He said nah and I lost it completely. I took all the screenshots I had of all the stuff he’s said to me. All the insults, the pressuring and how hard he was to deal with. I sent them to him, each with a little explanation. He argued back and gave me more things to screenshot and send back at him.
After calming down, I sent him one final message before blocking him for good:
‘Basically, you’re a transphobic and homophobic abuser. You harass people, both verbally and sexually, and you like to think you’re untouchable. You think you’re smart but you’re completely mistaken. Even a toddler can see through all the lies you tell. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jess WASN’T lying. You have all the traits. You’re an arrogant fuckboy who uses physical strength to get what he wants and gets annoyed when he doesn’t get it. Sounds like a rapist to me’
I know it wasn’t right to add fuel to the fire but am I the asshole for going against him massively?
P.S. I do have screenshots so if wanted, and if I can, I’ll try upload them to an imgur album or something. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
84eM6A5T6DVblC7PXI2NjvTtbcdXtgsI | b94ebc | {
"description": "wanting to join Civil Air Patrol when my girlfriend is already in it",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to join Civil Air Patrol when my girlfriend is already in it | Context: Me and my girlfriend, let's call her Kate, have been together for 10 months. We are both 17. I had thought about a career in aviation but never really seriously considered it until she told me that's what she wants to do. I researched it and decided I want to be a pilot in the Air Force.
​
She joined Civil Air Patrol, which is an auxiliary of the USAF in January. It's a good way to get introduced to the aviation field and make connections and get the very basics of stuff like drill down, etc. I've been thinking about joining it myself because I want to be a part of something bigger than myself and I want to get a head start on anything that I can that'll help me in AFROTC and the AF itself. I told this to my girlfriend and she flipped out. She got super defensive and tried to talk me out of joining, saying that "you wouldn't like it" and "it would be weird" among other things. I told her that I didn't care if she thought I didn't like it and that if I thought it would help me in my career or getting into a college then I would do it. Then she told me that she didn't want me to join because it was her "escape away from everything" (the text she sent me said that word for word).
She also sent me this.
​
\>"I wouldn't know how to help you be involved in everything. In the same breath that joining would give you freedom it limits me...because this is the one thing that is mine, and it's my escape from everything."
​
I've just been so torn up about whether or not I'm being the asshole by wanting to join. It makes me sad because I think this might be something else that's wrong in our relationship manifesting itself into this one big problem. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Fkd8tKb3Gb0bCZ2kdh5ar7qENJDFUkox | 9trt3b | {
"description": "telling my friend that her cat's head is too big for its body",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friend that her cat’s head is too big for its body? | I have watched my friends kitty grow up from kitten to cat. I haven’t seen it in a long time and I commented that her head looked too small for its body 👀
My friend was very offended and took it as me calling her cat fat. She’s not really very fat at all though?
I am very close with this cat. She lived with me for some time. So am I the asshole?
🐱 🐈 | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VH5E6uVLdE6E9X6vov3GdRn7V3oOSbuQ | a77mon | {
"description": "not wanting to go to my girlfriend's Christmas party",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to go to my girlfriend's Christmas party? | This situation won't make sense without some background information. I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 years, and we've never had many issues. Ever since I met her, another guy, we will call him X, has been around her and was previously interested in her. Cool, fine, people have past interests and that's not a big deal. The problem arises with what happened after we were already together. X continued to make romantic advances when they were out together as "friends", and it made my girlfriend uncomfortable. X also has some anger control issues and has attempted to become somewhat violent with her, and has additionally tried to spread a rumor and convince my girlfriend that I was being mentally abusive towards her (she didn't fall for that, thankfully). This all happened during high school, and since we've all gone to university they stopped talking for the most part. Though they aren't much of friends anymore, my girlfriend has become friends with X's current girlfriend. My girlfriend has invited both of them to her Christmas party, despite me saying for years that I don't want to be in any situations around X. I'm not one to let my emotions get the better of me usually, but I'm worried that I'll become confrontational due to the past with X, even if he doesn't do anything now. So, AITA for not wanting to go to this party/not wanting him to be there? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
cytAIIx2BcxjK7ikZUUnkLHSdJmY4Bxp | b96kga | null | AITA Uncle vs Me. Happening for a Year and a Half | No idea how to format on this sub just knew it existed and want to get this out
​
​
I live in a large house with me, my mom, and my grandma
​
​
in July of 2017 my uncle moved in to help take care of my grandma
​
​
I have Asperger and emotional problems, doesn't help that I was raised by a physically and mentally abusive step father
​
​
When my uncle first moved in, I figured it could be a good chance for me to get to know him since he lived in Chicago before, but that hasn't happened, and he also doesn't want to learn anything about me.
Ever since he's been living here, we've gotten in some sort of minor argument almost on a monthly basis. I tried to be forgiving, and always apologize even if I think I'm in the right
​
​
Last month I told him honestly that I don't respect him, but I want to try. Before I could even explain why he started yelling at me that I should respect him just because he's older.
​
Today he started yelling at me because I didn't put drinks in the fridge the way he likes them, and mention that because I'm 22 years old I should know how to put drinks up. I quickly pointed out that I'm 21 and he immediately starts yelling at me. I can't remember most of the conversation, just that he walked out slam the door while I was shaking and almost in tears. I think there was a threat on my life in there, but honestly can't remember.
​
​
I have a handful of other stories, if you have any questions I'll try and answer in the comments | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8Hto283ORQasBHSdvZQLUjLseNQPm2fB | b3h6o6 | {
"description": "upsetting my mother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for upsetting my mother? | Using a throwaway because I know he lurks on Reddit.
So, when I was younger I'd always get teased by my bother. My sisters never said or did things as harsh as he did but being the only boy I thought it was just something boys did. I'd also like to mention there is a 7 year age gap. One day he'd say or do something that made me cry and the next we'd play video games. I was the only other sibling that really enjoyed playing the games he liked so we'd play together often.
As I grew up he'd become meaner to me. Not just the teasing kind but actually making me feel bad for being interested in certain things. At this point I had started high school and like some kids, the change was hard on me and I developed some form of anxiety. I started seeing a counselor at school because sometimes going to class was difficult for me and just seeing a counselor was helpful.
On the first day of my junior year, I had an appointment to see the counselor during my English class. They had called my mom's cell later on in the day, which I was okay with since I wanted my parents knowing that I was having a tough time. Unknowingly my brother had answered. He used this against me saying horrible things about me, things along the lines of me being a psycho. Even going as far as to use that exact word. This was the straw that broke the camels back. This was five years ago and I've only spoken to him since a handful of times. Each time is a different argument, that has me out of the house for hours at a time.
I haven't since gone back to get help for the anxiety that I still get to this day. This is mainly due to a fear I have of him finding out about me needing help and being made fun of again. Something I couldn't handle the first time.
A few days ago I was getting my car fixed from a minor accident and my mom had to pick me up from work. I was in a bad mood since work hadn't been that easy on me, and she teased me about always having an attitude. I kind of stayed silent and she asked If I wanted to look into going back for help with my anxiety? I told her why I didn't want to, as I had before. She got upset at me asking why I couldn't forgive him if it had been such a long time ago. That I hurt her for not wanting anything to do with my brother. She was upset that I constantly exclude myself from family events because I don't want to be around him.
This event has left me conflicted. I am not ready to be on talking terms with him, but if it makes my mother so upset. Should I try to? This also causes my sisters to get annoyed with me because I wont attend events if he is there. They say I'm acting immature but they also don't have the full story so I don't blame them. So Reddit, Am I the Asshole for not wanting anything to do with my brother and causing my mother to be upset? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hylq3VUUsy0ZODyjQ6ToaVvJ9AWdKdqF | 9z3mxp | {
"description": "being friends with a girl my girlfriend hates",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for being friends with a girl my girlfriend hates. | I’ve been friends with this girl M for nearly 2 years and been with my girlfriend, E for also nearly 2 years. Originally E and M we’re friends and got along but about a year down the line they started to dislike each other and not get along. During this year period of them disliking each other M and I have still been friends and talk regularly and recently M invited me on a night out and didn’t invite E. Am I an asshole if I go and stay friends with M or should I side with my girlfriend and stop talking to M? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
a3o1WUwOPTuHMLp4BPCqJTsL2XrtuSXC | axq6m5 | {
"description": "not wanting to give my friend money for drugs",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | Aita for not wanting to give my friend money for drugs? | I’ve got this friends that loves xanax bars, and he got mad at me for not wanting to spend $35 when I got $260 to live for, for the next two weeks. His excuse is that he pays for alot of my marijuana use.
The thing is his gf is paying for the weed. And she’s on his side.
Feel like an asshole but I’m not sure.. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
tW8oob4qgu1nxDYfkD8fnR6NaMqCXugk | acb4l5 | {
"description": "lying to the autistic clients of the group home I used to work about the ingredients of the meals I cooked for them",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 89
} | AITA for lying to the autistic clients of the group home I used to work about the ingredients of the meals I cooked for them? | So I worked on a group home for autistic people, and many of them were ridiculously picky eaters. It was my task to feed them and prepare their meals. Well, they'd feed themselves but I prepared it. Anyway... there were some of them who hated mushrooms. But fuck it, the pre-cut vegetables I bought in the store tended to have some mushrooms in them. I couldn't be arsed to remove the mushrooms so... I just decided to have a little experiment. And cut them really, really small and make them disappear in a sauce so softly and thoroughly cooked they'd practically fall apart.
Surprise, surprise... they never noticed! Emboldened, I proceeded to include tiny onions into dishes of clients I knew hated onions. Tiny enough and all of a sudden they no longer minded it. They complimented me, in fact. Another client hated all things "chemical" and insisted I cook using only the freshest of ingredients... I'd do a little bait & switch with bottles and cups and he'd never know what really went in the sauce.
I basically cooked, carefree, whatever the fuck I wanted and felt okay with doing that because I felt a lot of these guys who were 'picky eaters' were really just being childish and hiding behind their autism diagnosis. My superior eventually caught on to what I was doing and wasn't too pleased... but no client ever noticed and they all loved my food! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 86,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 89
} | WRONG |
xQczWNirgU48926xpxOG5ct6R3ZeddsV | b5vb50 | {
"description": "pouring a pitcher of ice water on a 4 year olds head",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For pouring a pitcher of ice water on a 4 year olds head. | This happened years ago and my anxiety forces me to stay up worrying about it all of the time. I was 8 and high functioning autistic. That being said this was before I took classes on facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice to help me interpret other people’s feeling in a situation.
Let’s get right into it. My family is strictly Roman Catholic (I have since left that faith) and my little cousin had just achieved her first communion so her family (I’m related to her Mom but the little girl was on her Dad’s side so we have no blood relation) I was my grandparents only grandchild there so I was being shown off like the little trophy child I was raised to be. ( I have so many stories about this and how it resulted in the relationship I have with my grandfather and the church today.) I had just started reading the Babysitters Club series and I was talking about how I wanted to be just like them when I grew up. ( Cue the adorable chubby cheeked one front tooth missing smile that made adults love me as a child.) (why I was missing a front tooth for seven years is a whole other tale) When the kids started to migrate outside with their toys they decided to put me “In charge”.
Uc: unrelated cousin
Rc: related cousin
Mom: my awesome single Mother who fought her way through college and career so she wouldn’t have to count on her parents too much as I got older.
Me: 8 year old trophy child
When we got outside Uc kind of rudely reminded me that I can’t boss her around just because I’m older than her. I understood that and just went to the corner because there was a bat and I used to love baseball. I was just trying to hit the ball a few times: (I have horrid vision and I had forgotten my glasses that day) When Uc and Rc come over. Uc was talking about how “I wasn’t good” and “ I should do girly things” I replied telling her to “Stop it” and she was not happy. I don’t remember all of the details as I was young and it was a long time ago but this one quote sticks out like a sore thumb in my head. Uc says “Well those bats only have air in them but this bubble wand has soap that we can pour in your eyes”. My little autistic self had no idea that she was just trying to look tough and she would never actually do that so I ran inside, grabbed the first thing I could find, a pitcher of ice water and poured on her head. She went screaming and crying to her Mom. My Mom and I had to sit in the car while I was lectured on why I shouldn’t have done that and we didn’t go to any family events for several years. I don’t regret it but my Mom and I got into a debate about how I was older and should have taken the high road. I may have been older but I was still a kid and I was just scared of having soap poured in my eyes.
What do you think people of reddit? Should I find the girl and apologize? Or should I relish in my petty revenge?
TLDR: little girl threatens to pour soap in my eyes, in retaliation I pour a pitcher of water on her head. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
wLCosRc5NWY6fyRZQ7NGbE1x73EvXZWA | aseovg | {
"description": "asking one of my best friends at work why he excluding me from a work party",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking one of my best friends at work why he excluding me from a work party? | Some context:
I'm a female in my 20s. Everyone I refer to is a male in their 20s. I've been working for a place for over 2 years now, and get along great with pretty much everyone. Naturally I've become close with a couple people and consider them my best friends, and the feeling seems mutual. Last Thursday, a coworker (we'll call him Bob) came in not during his shift to "check on arrangements" so I could tell something was being planned and I wasn't invited. It stung, but its life. I moved on. Friday night comes around and Bob comes in again not on his shift to "finalize plans" and clearly showing they were having a party of work friends and discussing it infront of me without inviting me. This party involves mostly everyone from our department, males and females. Bob is listing off who is coming, and trying to convince another friend (we'll call him Tom) to come. Tom and I are good friends, he was driving me home that night, and Tom clearly wants the subject dropped. I was speaking with Tom at this point, so I wasn't even eavesdroppig - this was right infront of me. Then the bombshell. Bob says this whole party was "Rick's" idea and now he wasn't even coming. Rick and I are extremely close friends. I felt my stomach crumble and went didn't say anything else. Tom drives me home, we sit in his car and chat for a while like we do every night, and Bob keeps ringing his phone, to which Tom keeps hanging up and keeps talking to me. Its almost 11, I'm getting tired so I say good night to Tom and head inside.
But something is still nagging me about why Rick would plan something with a mutual group of friends but not invite me. We're open with each other so I texted and asked why. I didn't accuse him of anything, didn't get angry, just asked why he planned a party for coworkers but not invite me. He denied planning the party or even having knowledge of it, and stopped speaking to me. I've dropped the whole thing and simply tried to go back to our regular conversations and sharing shitty memes but he's only responding "lol" and "ok" when less than a week ago we spent over 3 hours talking one night. I have no idea why he won't talk to me anymore.
AITA for asking Rick why he planned something for our mutual group of friends and declined to invite me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zJaQUttjE7uUzj3sI6gmMxJWwwiHxMoc | b014z6 | {
"description": "giving my boyfriend attitude",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for giving my boyfriend attitude? | So I made this throwaway account to ask this since my bf uses reddit sometimes. I'll try to make it short.
This morning we made plans to meal prep and then workout so I got to his place before stores opened to avoid rush hour traffic. We talk for a few minutes in his bedroom about me leaving in the afternoon and we might as well workout now then meal prep after. As we start to leave he spends 20 min in the bathroom which is fine no big deal then he makes a smooothie. He makes one every mornign so I'm just waiting on the couch. Then I see him start to empty the trash bin to throw it away. I say with some attitude, "What are you doing?" and he says "Throwing out the trash, its full". It really was flowing out as there was another bag of trash next to it already but I didnt see the point of him start to clean as we were about to leave. This is where I give him attidude and say, "Don't do that" and "You're wasting time". And this is when he snaps at me and loudly says, "I feel like you're trying to control my life right now" and other sentences about why he cant throw the trash away if its full. I tell him beacause his apartment is already mostly messy and dirty and throwing the trash away when we are leaving and I have a set time to leave wont make a difference. As I'm saying this without even raising my voice he loudly says, "CALM DOWN" four times at me and to stop talking. So I do and we move on with the day.
​
Now he does admit that his place is mostly dirty and that he is starting new daily clean habits to change it. Anyways later in the day its brought up again because I dont feel he should've snapped like that. The exact morning as I got to his place he rushed me in and was rude when I took two stops becase I have a broken toe and I took a second to allow him to unlock the door. I mentioned he can be just as rude sometimes and say rude remarks with attitude and I never escalate the sitaution or get loud or anything. I just ignore it and move on so I expect the same from him. He says that he NEVER wants any attitude at all directed towards him and if he ever gives me attitude again I should call him out on it instead of saying nothing. I feel thats impossible to never give even a little attitude when I dont see it as anything personal. I told him he should act the same way I do instead of always giving attitude back. So reddit am I the asshole thinking its impossible to never give attitude? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
0QNTVTrPRvSnZiF043cc2NUZfACuNSiC | a9258h | {
"description": "not appreciating a family vacation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not appreciating a family vacation? | Today my parents asked for my (24/F) input on where to vacation next year. They haven't taken me on a family vacation in a while because of my school schedule, but they've taken my other siblings on trips, and they say it's my turn now.
After throwing out some suggestions, I ask who's going. They say it might just be the 3 of us, but my older brother and his recent wife (who's 3 years younger than me) might come, too. Keep in mind that my parents would be buying the tickets all around. Sounds good to me, I'm thinking. Can't wait. End of story.
But then, to paraphrase, my dad says that I probably wish my boyfriend (of 3 years) could come too, but they can't buy him a ticket. I laugh and say of course not, I would never expect that. But then an idea occurs to me! So I ask, what if he buys his own ticket? Then he could come too, right?
After a very long silence, my dad mumbles that he "understands I'm not 16 anymore" and "knows I'm physically active," but "still has a hard time dealing with his daughter..." (trails off, "having sex" implied here).
NOW I'm taken aback. I am a 24-year-old in a PhD program living hundreds of miles away from my parents. I understand that my parents are very traditional about pre-marital sex. During the few times that my boyfriend and I both spent the night under their roof, we slept in separate rooms. The whole nine yards. But THIS? My brother and sister-in-law have been married for less than a year, having lived together before the wedding, and she's 3 years younger than me!
Even my mom, an extremely soft-spoken woman, spoke up in my defense, repeating that "I'm not 14 anymore" and might feel this is unfair. I didn't say much of anything because I honestly didn't know how to calmly rebut just then. My dad is essentially going to put me in a chastity belt to make himself feel better for 1 week while I get to have everyone else shacking up around me?
But on the other hand, my dad IS the one paying for my vacation ticket in the first place. So, reddit, AITA?
tl;dr: My dad won't let my boyfriend of 3 years come on a family trip to Barbados, even if he buys his own ticket, because he doesn't like the idea of us sleeping together (I'm 24 and he's 27). But my dad IS the one buying MY ticket. AITA?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ELUNqKMrtfgoha4yJiGwA8vs5meI0lnw | awewnf | {
"description": "reporting my co-worker to the police",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I reported my co-worker to the police? | Ok, so some context here. This guy I work with is part-time; he has another job during the day. He is allowed to use the staff lockerroom facility, and he was vaping (from a mod, which is known for fatty clouds) in the bathroom. He ends up setting off the fire alarms for the entire building, which is a hospital.
I only know about this because he told me, and later showed other co-workers of ours a video of him freaking out in the stall. (He even went as far to tell our boss about it.) I asked him what happened, preparing to hear about a hefty fine or something. Apparently his cousin is a security guard there; helped him sneak out of the locker room, and into the general halls. He walked out of there, while everyone else thought it was a real fire/emergency! He told me the staff were moving patients away from the area and some people were obviously very worried.
Authorities were called as it was not a scheduled fire drill.
Here's where I might be the asshole: this guy was laughing about the whole situation. He also kept bringing it up throughout his entire shift. I had to hear about this for 5 hours people! He made it seem like it was funny and 'totally not a big deal'. I personally can't find any humor in putting people into panic, disrupting patient care, and just wasting time, funny. I heard that the hospital caught some footage of him exiting the hall of the lockerroom, and police are asking people for information. I'm really tempted to call. So, WIBTA if I reported my dumbass co-worker? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
V4YBivmh2vKiibzZEX8zABOGUJnuvucX | b6q94s | {
"description": "getting angry when my mom very seriously told me I should go to addicts anonymous meetings because I smoke marijuana",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry when my mom very seriously told me I should go to addicts anonymous meetings because I smoke marijuana? | I’m almost 26, and I’ve been smoking weed since I was a teenager.
I’ve never chosen weed over bills or rent, I’ve never done the stereotypical “I missed the big meeting/important job interview/etc because I was busy getting high!” Nonsense. I’ve easily been able to stop smoking for months at a time at the drop of a hat and feel nothing but maybe some slight boredom. I’m more addicted to cigarettes than to weed and I smoke maybe two cigarettes a day if even that much, and not even every day.
My mom sat me down one day and very seriously told me that she thinks I need to consider going to an addicts anonymous meeting for my weed addiction. She had gone so far as to find websites and print up information for me and called a few meetings in the city nearby to find out if they had room for one more person.
After the initial confusion and disbelief that it was a genuine suggestion, I was angry. I was offended. Not only at the fact that she would say that to me considering I remember multiple times when I was a teen that my mom would ask me if I had 5$ so she could buy cigarettes. A 35 year old woman asking her 15 year old daughter for cigarette money. And she refused to even try to stop smoking through all 4 of her kids pregnancies. And I told her as much, I said all of that to her face.
And I told her that beyond that, how disgustingly offensive would it be for me to sit in a room listening to people tell stories about losing their children because of their addiction, becoming homeless, becoming estranged from their families etc and then I stand up and go “yeah I mean sometimes I choose smoking weed over like exercising and a couple of times I’ve taken a hit or two during lunch breaks on particularly shitty days at work” and expect to be welcomed back
She was very angry with me, it caused an argument that lasted several days and even now (maybe 6 months later) it’s still a touchy subject. She still brings it up sometimes and each time I immediately leave the room/hang up the phone/stop responding to her texts until she changes the subject.
Was I in the wrong? Should I have been nicer about it? The idea just seemed so awful and entitled in some way, that I couldn’t believe it came from my otherwise usually rather intelligent and open minded mother (especially also considering her entire teens and 20’s were spent bar hopping and doing all sorts of drugs and partying with the type of fringe people who hank from hooks on chains nailed to the ceiling for fun). My boyfriend said he agreed with what I said fully, but thought maybe I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and just said no I’m not gonna do that rather than blowing up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JWJBKpI6fWVMpJrMDql7Zf9eyn2FFtc0 | b5yy8b | {
"description": "causing a scene at a restaurant with my immature neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for causing a scene at a restaurant with my immature neighbor. | I (m27) was at a bar/restaurant with my wife (f26) and our neighbor (m42). Me and my wife have been married for 2 years but together for 10. I have known the neighbor for just over a year.
Although we have been friendly - I never quite liked him. He is 42 years old and as immature as a 16 year old. Always making jokes about "doing my mom" and "hit it and quit it" type of humor.
So I reluctantly go to a bar/restaurant with him and my wife and he keeps going on and on about "clits". It's an inside thing that is not even worth explaining. So he keeps yelling "clits" and my wife even joins in. He gets the waiter involved talking about clits, stops the busboy talking about clits - both tables by us have turned their heads looking at us. I am embarrassed.
I start to pretty much berate both of them asking them to stop. They don't. After pleading with my wife, she stops. He doesn't. I then, psuedo-regretfully demean him. Saying, "wow I couldn't imagine my dad at 42 years old making a scene like this at a restaurant." This upsets him.
We get into a verbal argument with threats of going outside to handle this. He is super passive aggressive about how I'm being a bitch and uptight and dick up my ass. Uh, I just want to eat my food and not talk about clits.
I drove us all there and he just got his check and left. In the car ride home, who gets yelled at? Me. My wife says she was embarrassed because we were arguing and making a scene but wont even comprehend the idea that I was embarrassed about them making a scene long before. My wife admits that he was too much nut is still upset with me. I have absolutely no interest in being his friend moving forward but it seems my wife wants to keep thing friendly.
What are your thoughts on this? Am I the asshole?
TL;DR: my neighbor was an embarrassment at a restaurant and wants me to feel bad about it. I get yelled at by my wife - but that's nothing new. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
ZnrDzh7P63b4bGFUJCvxHbQwsWJZHarp | 9wb6pp | {
"description": "banning my sister from our Thanksgiving activities",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for banning my sister from our Thanksgiving activities? | We have a big family. Every year, the whole tribe comes to my house, since I have the most room, and I make the best turkey (spatchcocked and smoked).
There are usually upwards of 30 children at my house for this event.
My sister has gone down the YouTube rabbit hole, and is now an avid anti-vaxxer. Last year, she spent the entire day berating any of us who vaccinated our children (all of us).
Between then and now, she has announced via Facebook that she stopped vaccinating her kids.
I don't feel right putting my children at risk, or the rest of the kids at the dinner for that matter. So I told her she would not be invited to our house this year unless she showed me up to date vaccination records for her kids.
90% of the family is ok with this. But we've got a couple of people who don't think it's a big deal. They tell me I'm over-reacting. I should just let her bring the kids, and not "break up the family over something silly".
I'm not budging. If those people want to have her at their Thanksgiving dinner, they can have their own dinner, somewhere else, without me. She will not be allowed in my home with unvaccinated kids.
So, AITA for putting my foot down, and refusing to budge? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 46,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 46,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
1QHFsnwnzPwW9fXb6sUy3lHolOCg0ClM | aodf7y | {
"description": "not wanting my housemates partner around",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting my housemates partner around? | I’m on mobile, so I’m sorry if the formatting is terrible.
When I moved in with my friend, I said they can have their partner around for multiple days at a time if they pitched in with fuel money, bought us dinner, just did something to contribute to the house while he used our resources and (limited) kitchen cupboard space. That sort of stuff. Housemate agreed that was reasonable, so did their partner. Fast forward a few months and that doesn’t really happen. I don’t appreciate having their food here all the time even when they’re not around either.
I also asked if they could not have sex while I’m around. Just tell me and I’ll fuck off to somewhere for a while. It makes me super uncomfortable, especially considering we’re in a small place and our bedrooms share a wall. They always say I never know when they have sex, but I do. I’ve walked in on them about to have sex more than once, and I’ve heard them going at it multiple times too. All I’m asking for is a quick text or something from my housemate so I know to leave so they can have as much fun as they want.
I’m pretty tired of the things my housemate and I discussed being ignored, and I feel like asking that their partner doesn’t stay for extended periods anymore. They live 15 minutes away. It’s not as if it’s a long distance relationship and they never get to see each other. Neither of them drive, but public transport is abundant. There’s no reason they have to hole up here for days at a time.
Also housemate, if you see this, feel free to tell me if I am in fact the asshole as well. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
uHCZx5EaKTjHvP5ZkREVSVLdRxBQUo1b | ab01rm | {
"description": "liking the \"perks\" that come with being friends with a rich girl",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For liking the “perks” that come with being friends with a rich girl? | So at the start of the year I made a friend at uni, we found common interests and slowly became pretty close. However, said friend, which we shall call “RG (rich gal) is blessed with attorney mum and investment banker dad - as a result, VERY affluent life. I’m talking house on the water overlooking their YACHT type of wealth.
Now the BASIS for the friendship is the mutual interests and overall good time we have, however I find myself getting excited about the prospect of going on her yacht or drinking expensive wine that I, as a low income immigrant family person, wouldnt be able to experience. I find myself feeling guilty about enjoying this, as I almost feel while these perks aren’t the basis, they sorta “add” to the benefits of being friends with her. RG has expressed that in the past people have used her, and as a result she finds it hard to make genuine friends. I just feel guilty at times that because I’m enjoying her lifestyle, the friendship might not be as genuine as I think?
I do love the gal and she’s had it rough when it comes to people understanding her wealth, so AITA because her wealth benefits me too? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
aO0f8U7qs2VMx1qtkcFgf6YacPUBiPMI | alq6xw | {
"description": "refusing to buy my roommate chicken",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for refusing to buy my roommate chicken? | So I’m vegan (yeah, yeah, but it’s relevant). My roommate is on disability (fixed income since she cannot work). She’s bad at managing money so she always runs out in a week, but that’s besides the point. She was talking about wanting to make some chicken so she asked me if I could go pick her up some chicken and I said no. She then told me she’d pay me come payday (end of the month - this happened earlier this week). Again, I still said no. She knows I’m vegan so hi, why would I? She then got mad at me and told me that it’s not like I’m spending my own money as if the issue is the fact that I would have to spend $8 of my own money. It’s about about the money lol
And all of my other roommates are omnivore and chimed in telling me I’m being selfish and “pushing” my lifestyle onto others and that if I’m getting repaid, it’s not really my money buying that chicken (that’s not how economics works but ok). And even though whenever I’m downstairs eating, my roommates mock what I eat (“ew what is that? Where’s the protein? Ha ha, are you protein deficient? Have some of this steak” as I’m eating a meal with 30g of protein), but I’m pushy? Sure, Jan.
Veganism isn’t a diet. It’s a philosophical guideline. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to not want to contribute to the exploitation and cruelty of living beings. This occurs often too. she’ll ask me to pick up other animal products like ~~animal secretions~~ milk or sour cream and I’ll offer to buy the non-~~cruelty~~dairy version and I ever offer to pay the difference out of pocket. But god forbid I promote a cruelty-free way of life.
tl;dr: roommate wanted me to buy her dead animals, I said no on the grounds of being vegan so now it means I’m a preachy vegan lol | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
yf5gjEatjbH0ovbG5BaxJdNQjrahfw8o | av89s4 | {
"description": "ghosting my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For ghosting my parents? | My father has been an alcoholic for longer than I have been alive. He and my mother had a dramatic and stressful marriage, but aside from a few affairs and passive-aggressive fights, was stable enough through most of my childhood. However, as soon as my younger brother was in his senior year of high school, my father decided to leave after discovering that my mother had been hiding large amounts of debt. My father really fell off the wagon and began to send drunken emails explaining that my brother, mother and I were all trash. He frequently vented about all the times we disappointed him and detailed his extramarital affairs in needless detail. I felt abandoned and hurt during this and eventually blocked his number, email, and everything.
During this time, I helped my mother out with her finances, getting a better job, moving to a more affordable place. However, she was a wreck and it took years for things to get better for her.
A few years passed and I got a call from my aunt that my father had drank himself into a coma (Diabetic coma from the beer). She said it wasn’t a big deal and that he would be ok. I didn’t realize how big of a deal this was until someone explained that this was a life-or-death situation for my father. My mother, brother and I went to visit him and be with him. When he recovered, he seemed genuinely touched that we would all make the effort to visit him.
A few months after this, my mother takes me out and drops that she is getting back together with my father. I flipped out and yelled at her. She explained that she never stopped loving him and that he needs a follow-up surgery that he couldn’t afford without her insurance. I told her that if she got back together with him that I would not be apart of it.
Two months later, I heard from my grandmother that she just got back from my parents second wedding. I was taken back. I couldn’t believe that she secretly re-married my father and didn’t even bother to tell me. I haven’t talked to either of my parents or my aunt that helped plan the wedding since. I don’t feel like I can trust them anymore and don’t want to be part of their drama anymore.
AITA for not talking to my parents?
TLDR; My father abandoned my family when I was younger and drank himself into a coma. After a hospital stay, he reconnected with my mother secretly marrying her to get a surgery he needed. I decided to ghost my parents to avoid more drama. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
x54DapXleNttrKEqdIS0fL31LbGgVkEu | axeavw | {
"description": "not speaking a language",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for not speaking a language | Title is quite vague, but didn't want to go into much detail.
Recently, I remembered a family vacation to the south of France we had about 3 years ago, and during that vacation, naturally, we went to experience French cuisine. Now at the time I was somewhat decent in French speaking, but not enough to be fluent in it, but my family had no idea on how to speak French. So, we go to a restaurant, and the waiter comes to take our orders. This is where my dilemma begins.
I was too shy to order for my family, so my father decided to do it instead. And instead of butchering an attempt at speaking French, he did, what I thought was the polite thing, and spoke in English. The waiter, however did not like that. He said: "Why do I have to learn English, if you don't bother learning French". Nothing too much out of the ordinary.
For some peculiar reason I thought about it today, and didn't know who was in the right, hence my attempt at addressing this to the public. WIBTA in this situation if I did not know a language, and resorted to English instead of butchering another language (English is not my first language, but I would prefer someone to speak in this language, rather than attempting to speak in my mother tongue)
TLDR WIBTA for speaking in English, rather than attempting to speak in a language that I do not know or know little about. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
v2EnDFW10HTFbT4iQE3M4iaE0PZY6Jas | 9zq26l | {
"description": "not really wanting specific plans on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not really wanting specific plans on my birthday? |
I (21, F) wouldn’t be happy to call the other person, we’ll call her Jan (23, F) in this scenario “the asshole” or the person in the wrong, bc I truly believe she isn’t. I just don’t know if my behavior makes me an asshole.
I recently moved in with a dear friend of mine (my best friend, really. All that lame girl shit: planning to be each other’s maids of honors, etc.) into a city she’s been living in for a while. It’s been pretty lonely, I’m not sure how to make new friends.. Jan’s really busy, working the work week and having extensive plans during the weekends with friends, keeping up with hobbies, etc. I was always excited to see jan when she came home, trying to squeeze in a few moments to chat or maybe watch something together. We’re both pretty “silly” people and so I thought we had a running bit about me play-annoying her. She loves the frozen franchise so I would knock on her door and sing the do you want to build a snowman song.
I have a chronic pain disorder, so I warned her that when I moved in I might keep to myself more than she’d expect. Which I do. But she’s maybe in our apartment for an hour or two a day when she’s not asleep or has her door closed doing other things, etc, and she is my only true person to really see in person to hang out with. So, the other night, I was trying to chat with her about her day while she folded laundry in our kitchen and she said “remember when you said you were gonna keep to yourself mostly laughter I was looking forward to that.” And I said “I’m ... sorry?” And Jan replied “well I’m just trying to get some laundry done and here you are...” And I stepped back from the situation and apologized for bothering her while she was trying to get something done, because she was right. If she only has a bit of time to accomplish task while she’s home, it’s unfair of me to try and monopolize it for myself. It’s no fault of hers that I’m having a difficult time trying to make some new friends. I told her I’d be better at leaving her alone, and went into my room for the night.
I miss her, but I decided not to bother her so I haven’t. I’ve really only seen her when she sought out to see me.
We’re from the same hometown, and she left earlier this week to visit her family for Thanksgiving. We had a rather awkward exchange about it this week, as she has complained rather frequently about going home for the holidays because of her extended family not being her favorite company. My birthday is around the holiday, so for the last two years we’ve spent thanksgiving together, so she kept mentioning that she hasn’t seen them in a while because of me, so she was going to go anyway. After weeks of this, on Tuesday I asked her to please stop complaining about going home to me, because my Thanksgiving plans included working many long hard hours (work in a Bakery) up until the day, and then going home at about 1 pm to be in an empty apartment by myself. She replied “well, you could have asked me to stay back with you.” But I don’t really feel I could have. She told me she “always” planned on coming back on Saturday “just for your birthday.”
My birthday is on Saturday but I got off from work so i decided I take the train to our hometown tomorrow morning. she keeps texting me asking what my plans are. I’ve responded honestly, that I’d like to spend it with my parents and my brother, being with my dogs at home, and she’s welcome to join us, and to come over whenever if she’d like. I won’t really have gifts this year, and I don’t plan on making a big deal out of it. It’s just nice to have a weekend off from work. She’s acting as if I’m avoiding her or being rude, and not making a specific plan is inconvenient for her. I told her if she’s busy she can pick a time and maybe a place for lunch or something and I’ll meet her there. This only seemed to upset her more? My birthday was never a big discussion point before the laundry debacle. I think I’ve just made her feel guilty, which wasn’t my goal and I’ve told her that multiple times. But I don’t know if my behavior reflects that.
Tl;dr: my friend told me I’ve been bothering her. I apologized, and stepped back. She’s upset that I don’t have a lot of interest in making specific plans for my birthday, which I wouldn’t ... anyway.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
cRujRwTMqM2WUU6PSVPYqRnO2V2ejsDQ | b6076b | {
"description": "having my music to loud",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for having my music to loud? | So basically I'm not talking about the shit move of having a speaker or just playing music from my phone. No from my earbuds I'm hard of hearing [i know its not good to put it on full blast so I don't do it all the time]. And so yea I turn it to max volume and well I guess you can hear the music when I have my earbuds on if the music is at full blast [i listen to some screaming songs sometimes because its just so incredibly loud on full blast but usually I listen to pop music]. And its loud enough to hear the lyrics I have been told. And I guess it bothers people. But I don't know I'm 14 so I cant afford some really expensive headphones. And I have tried mutiple ear buds and the wrap around earbuds and also headphones I also have airpods to but with everyone when It doesn't keep the sound in. So i just go on having people hear my music i have had people say its not really that loud then others say its really loud. And some people they say its annoying and others don't really care. I have recently had lots of people say that its so loud and annoying. I mean i checked to see if it was connected blue tooth and yes it was so i mean it cant be that loud to others right? I have been told to stop but i don't really listen. So AITA?
IF YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE LOUDNESS:Also so if you want to know what volume then put some [dont recommend if you have perfect hearing it might be extremely shocking loud since its normal loud to me] apple earbuds or if you have airpods and on my iPhone I turn it all the way on normal the buttons but also under the music setting in EQ I have it set to "late night" so its supposed to make it louder. And then in "volume limit" I set it to max volume which by the way made me push some accept button to do. Then Finially I song I like to listen to just to get itch that part of me that wants LOUDNESS I will start by listening to Floor 555 by.)XXXTENTACION . Ok then I guess ask a friend with good hearing if they can hear it and if they can if its loud or not and if its annoying or not really? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Itq7F10jpkHCWEMhtP9U8NKf8XYj2EVY | avkdfb | {
"description": "asking a girl to change her trip",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | WIBTA if I asked a girl to change her trip? | Sorry for any formatting, I’m on mobile.
I’m graduating high school this year, and booked a 5 week trip for this summer. It’s with a volunteer company, and I’m at an animal shelter for 4 weeks. I’ve been planning it forever, and it’s been booked (flights and accommodation) for more than three months. Also, I mentioned it on my instagram once in November.
Fast forward to a few days ago. A girl who is in one of my classes (who also follows me on instagram- important because she most likely saw that I’m going to this city from my instagram) casually mentions she won’t be going to grad because she’s not here. We ask her why, and she proceeds to tell us about how she’s going to the exact city I’m in, with the same volunteer company for the first two weeks I’m going to be there. I’m kind of irked because I was planning on spending this time with nobody I knew from home, but whatever. Then, she tells me she’s also at the animal shelter- there’s 10 “projects” to choose from for this particular city, and she chose the one I talked about on my instagram, for the same weeks I’m there, and in the same city.
She says she hasn’t booked anything yet, and she could be the type to not actually follow through with what she says- but I still really don’t want to spend 2/ my 5 weeks around her. We aren’t friends, I wouldn’t call her annoying but I wouldn’t spend more than an hour with her.
WIBTA if I talked to her about switching cities or choosing different weeks? Or at least asked if she’d be willing to switch projects?
Don’t get me wrong, of course I want her to experience it and all that but I really wanted these couple weeks away from everyone at home.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
LzdyKBB7BZLw67YXw8jOI5w1n5VSdLSr | aufqpc | {
"description": "telling my dad hes too old to find a job he really wants to do",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA I(21M) told my dad(40) hes too old to find a job he really wants to do. | My dad(now 40) got his master's in history when he was 24. Soon afterwards he got a job as a cable man and abandoned hope for ever finding where him having his master's would be applicable. 12 years later he works for a slightly better wage, but hates his job, everyone is telling him he should look a better job, but he never does anything about it. Finally he gets fired because he's burnt out. Since then he's been rotating between shitty jobs and unemployment. The other day I told him that he should really consider becoming a teacher for the tenth time, and he replies that he has an interview for being a sales associate. I tell him that being a teacher has got to be better than what he's been doing for the last 15 years and would provide some stability and an opportunity for a decent salary. He replies it's not what he wants to do and I say "at this point it's not about what you want to do, it's about not losing your house" he called me an asshole, but I don't see a better path forward for him. He says all the jobs he should qualify for don't call him back, and he doesn't want to search for a job that he would have to move for. I don't know what he is expecting to happen, but meanwhile he is going nowhere. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
xu9YZ5PGy2oYsd3MDZtJumcU9R2cHNzK | b80gbn | {
"description": "making the chaplain move his car because he was parked in the wrong spot",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for making the chaplain move his car because he was parked in the wrong spot? | This is a long story, it initially started when the chaplain saw me driving the company car out of its parking bay which has an old old sign which states it is a chaplaincy/doctors car bay - they are never on site enough and we needed a parking spot for the car but just never got around to taking the sign down. Anyway, I heard that he later he complained about me at the chaplaincy staff meeting for parking in "his spot".
Fast forward 1 month when I was bringing the company car back from a trip out and see him pull in to the car bay despite there being multiple other free bays. I stopped my car and asked him to move and explained that the sign is old and this car needs to park here as we get in trouble if it is parked in a bay designated for visitors (our car is covered in company logos and his isnt so he won't be noticed as parking there and won't get in trouble). He refused saying the bay was his to park in. I again explained the sign is old and agreed it was confusing but it will make it easier if he moves his car to another free bay to save me getting in trouble and having to move the car later when he leaves. He again refused. I then told him to move his car and that if he has an issue to discuss with management, he then moved his car.
I was frustrated with the entitled way he viewed the situation and maybe I let this cloud my judgement and be less reasonable? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
tXkXiyftmFFYJxJESy3PMzKvPipKk0g0 | avnue5 | {
"description": "bullying an old lady who stole my avocados",
"pronormative_score": 69,
"contranormative_score": 62
} | AITA for bullying an old lady who stole my avocados? | Last year we bought a house with an avocado tree in the front yard. The tree was dried up, almost dead, and only gave hard, black, tiny avocados. After a year of watering and trimming and love and care it started producing good avocados. Like, alot. Maybe 300-400. I picked them all the time, gave them to neighbors, the mailman, basically anyone who asks gets a handful. I am not stingy with my avocados.
Well, I work early mornings and have to leave my house by 5 am. Couple of days ago I'm walking to my car and in my front yard is an old lady picking avocados from my tree! She has a pile of like 50 of them already picked and she had even brought one of those nice retractable poles with the fruit catcher at the end of it. (It was a really nice one)
I was soooooo pissed I just walked right up to her and snatched it from her hand. She had a total 'deer in the headlights' look, but once I grabbed the pole from her she starts yelling at me 'hey! That's mine!! That's mine!'
So I tossed it over our fence where our German Shepard was barking. (Good luck getting that back)
Then i got right in her face and screamed "Well those are my avocados now GET THE FUCK OFF MY YARD!!".
I really scared her, I could see it in her face. I'm not hugely intimidating or anything 5'6"/F 135lbs but I was livid and I seriously wanted to fight her but she was a thousand years old and looked like Mama Coco from the movie Coco.
So I got in my car and sped away .leaving her to pick up the pile of avocados she had already picked.
Well afterwards I was telling my coworkers what happened and they all said I was a jerk for screaming at her and stealing her stick since she was just an old lady probably trying to make some money because she's poor.
And i'm thinking...am I the asshole?
If it makes any difference, I also told my neighbors what happened and they said they see her walk around our neighborhood all the time with that stick stealing lemons and other fruit from ppl.
It's my stick now.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 69,
"EVERYBODY": 43,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 69,
"WRONG": 62
} | RIGHT |
DxKP5hdjKcnYgIHaO9vyKyGT8P3ye4JH | aoyum0 | {
"description": "adopting more cats",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I adopt more cats | I'm a person who lives alone in a pretty sizeable apartment. I currently own 2 cats and have 2 fosters who are close to being my foster failures.
I love my cats dearly. They're the highlight of my day when I get off work. I sometimes struggle with depression and suicidal ideations. Though it sounds dumb, I wouldn't go thru with committing suicide because I'm too worried about who would feed and give my cats treats. But im the working poor. I have enough money to pay for bills, but I don't have an excess of disposable income, or 6 months worth of my income in my savings.
with that in mind, I would go without something to pay for anything needed to comfortably care for my pets. but I'm starting to feel like that's not a responsible adult decision to make. and I'm beginning to feel like a jerk for wanting to adopt my fosters. I try to convince myself that I have enough money to make them apart of my family. but maybe I'm being too optimistic.
I love all 4 of them so much and am emotional just thinking about having to separate from my fosters. but I also know it's my responsibility as a foster parent to give them to the best home possible. I just need a neutral 3rd party opinion on the matter. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
v85S0Uz4C21cZSonMJuu5xINTI7DYjni | aiud5u | {
"description": "being honest about not wanting to be friends anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being honest about not wanting to be friends anymore? | Sorry if the formatting is bad. I'm on mobile. Also, sorry if this is too long. I feel like I need to get this all out.
So, I've been lurking on Reddit for a few years but I haven't had an account until now. I'm a 17 year old female turning 18 next month, if that changes anything.
I've been friends with this girl (I'll call her Chloe for the sake of hiding her identity) since we were both in the 6th grade. At the beginning Chloe was very toxic and at times she would even physically harm me. Nothing too serious, but it definitely hurt and it made me want to stop being her friend.
However, she was always around because we were both in band and had a lot of mutual friends. I decided just to suck it up and pretend like everything was fine between us.
When high school started up, I was terribly nervous and shy and didn't have many friends. Again, Chloe was around a lot since we both stayed in band for high school. I hung out with her because I didn't want to be that kid with no friends.
As the years went on, we actually became very close and she stopped being toxic and never hurt me again. She became my best friend. We would have sleep overs and hang out outside of school. And whenever there was a band event, I'd be by her side when I could.
Last year she started smoking weed very frequently. I NEVER thought that I'd EVER be the type to do drugs. Actually I was against it. But day I was at Chloe's house and her other friend was also there. They said they were going to smoke weed and I didn't have to do it with them, but I could try it.
Long story short I tried it. I ended up smoking weed with her almost every day before school at our friend's house. Somehow we never got caught, but my grades did slip a lot. Never to the point of failing, but I got a few C's.
So, after doing that all year, over the summer she suggested that I try LSD with her. I was incredibly stupid to ever think it was a good idea. But I was depressed, depressed enough to be okay with smoking weed everyday. So LSD didn't seem like a big deal to me.
I had the worst trip ever. I had multiple anxiety attacks during the trip. Eventually I must have disassociated or something because I thought I was dreaming/having nightmares but apparently I was doing things in real life.
Ever since then I've felt a little weird being around her. (She was apart of my trip in a weird way)
This year I haven't smoked weed as much. I'm not as depressed anymore. So I don't need it. It would just give me anxiety and remind me of my terrible trip whenever I'd smoke. The problem is, smoking weed is the main thing she likes to do now. I would try to avoid hanging out with her because I knew that she just wanted to smoke.
I also got a boyfriend this year. He's against me smoking weed (mostly because it's illegal where we live) and that has caused a lot of tension between me, Chloe, and my boyfriend. Chloe and I had a few fights over it.
At one point on of our fights led to her telling me that we aren't best friends anymore. I felt really hurt by that. Things were awkward between us for a while after that. Until eventually we began trying to repair our friendship.
I honestly tried. I really did. But her constant jabs at my boyfriend were getting hard to deal with. Hanging out with her seemed stressful because I didn't want to be that boring friend that didn't want to smoke even though everyone else did. And on top of all that, it just seemed like we were changing into different people. Too different for the friendship to work.
So I told Chloe I couldn't be friends with her anymore. I gave her some honest reasons why. Now her and a couple of our mutual friends think I'm a bitch. Chloe hasn't talked to me since, of course.
Am the asshole? I really don't know anymore. I feel like in some ways I am the asshole. Maybe I should've ended the friendship much sooner. Maybe I shouldn't have given up on repairing our friendship so quick. I have a lot of doubts.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I2z3uBv5SAtsWqZg0fjf3PyjjHEAZz2g | a6sx2g | {
"description": "not giving my dad his Christmas gift",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not giving my dad his Christmas gift? | I bought him a 17 dollar gift on amazon which is a lot of fucking money for me, and he takes the goddamn lock off my door handle because apparently I stay up too late...??? I don’t even. So right now I’m just gonna sell the gift I got for him, because I honestly don’t feel like spending all that money on someone is worth it for them to do something shitty to you like that. Now I have to literally buy a new goddamn doorknob and install it because of him. He really pisses me off. I even heard him say that when I’m on houseparty with my friends (it’s a video calling app instead of FaceTime) that he “listens” to my conversations like ew what the fuck? That’s just another reason to sell his gift. So am I the asshole in this situation | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
seA7EZhox8j99FcV7Lj5ktIC2kotsTaP | akiuzg | {
"description": "wanting to cut off ties with my best friend because she wont come to my bday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to cut off ties with my best friend because she wont come to my bday? | This may be unnecessarily long. So I've been best friends with this girl since i was in 4th grade (going on 11 years now) and she was the very first friend I have ever made. We were basically inseparable for most of our lives until I decided that I wanted to go to university in the UK with my (now ex) GF. I've always felt used and just unappreciated but was so terrible at making friends that I didn't really think about it until I got close with my roommates here and they have told me that this girl is in no way my friend. I had a really good think about all the things that have happened over the years and it just confused me more. One of the things that has bothered me immensely is the fact that right before I left the states my best friend and another friend had a girl, who they had never met in person before, move in with them. I could see why, the girl was in need of a place to stay and they were willing to share the space, that wasn't what the problem was. My problem was that they treated this girl about 10000x better than they ever treated me. For this girls birthday they got her a pet cat, Gucci, makeup, clothes, etc. So much stuff, and they have never been to a single one of my birthday parties. Not a single one. I've never had a friend at my birthday party, at my graduation party, going away party, nothing. I had back surgery and asked if she would let my family pick her up to visit me because I was so lonely and she didn't want to. They've known this girl for less than a year and they're already living with her and giving her everything she wants. They've given me gifts, but they're all joke gifts, like broken cds from goodwill. I don't care about the monetary value of gifts, id rather just not be treated like a joke. I'm about to sound like an asshole probably but my family majorly supported this girls family. We would give her mom at least 2 grand every christmas and we paid her to do random shit all the time because she was a single mom and struggling with kids and a sick sister. For christmas I convinced my family to give her a company phone (which was a samsung galaxy not some shit company phone) since she didnt have one and an Ipad, she never thanked us really and gave it away to a girl that racked up 70+ GBs on it sexting her 50 year old pedo boyfriend. These are things that i really easily looked over before. I never really thought about them as negative things it was just whatever.
The thing I'm really mad about is that she never messages me, like ever. She has said many times that she is bad at texting and she doesn't like talking over the phone, which I totally understand, but now I don't see her for months at a time and cant see her irl. I would message 7-8 times with no response for days and when i would get a response it was one worded and disinterested. I would usually only get a message from her if i went on a drunken suicidal rant on twitter then passed out, but even then its probably just hi. She messaged me a few days ago and instead of messaging back right away like I usually do I have been ignoring her messages. Shes started tagging me in posts about 'best friends' now and its pissed me off more than anything so I'm continuing to ignore her. I'm sick of wondering if I have been getting leeched off of and actually have no actual importance to, who I thought was, my only friend in the world, or if I'm an overly sensitive brat. Sorry this is so long.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
w0sJrJvf5ddA1PcimjdSEDtmwo4EaGMR | b4iw0g | {
"description": "finding a replacement for me and not my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For finding a replacement for me and not my friend | I am a first year at university who already has a house lined up for my second year with some friends. However one of my friends decided to drop out of university all together, therefor not living in the house next year.
This along with other reasons I decided to drop out of the house too. However in the contract we signed in order to successfully leave the house we need to find a “replacement tenant”.
Back when my friend first said she was leaving uni I did all I could to help her find a replacement, and I did find someone. However this replacement dropped out last moment before signing the contract, leaving her panicked and needing someone else to take over from her.
During the timeframe from her having a replacement and him dropping out, I then decided I wanted to leave the house too, sending me on a long and tedious search for a replacement.
I finally found one a few days ago, on the exact day that my friend told me that her replacement flaked out.
She immediately asked me if I could give her anyone I find, and for me to post ads on Facebook for her.
I posted the ads on Facebook however I didn’t confirm I would give her anyone.
I then proceeded to tell her later that day that I found someone for myself (not from the fb ads) and she seemed blunt and annoyed about it (without saying anything). However I am yet to tell any of the housemates who will be living in the house that I have found a replacement for me and not for my friend.
So am I the asshole for taking the replacement for myself and not give it to my friend who has left university already? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
n1eMDEhS657mIg1CWXKTATXfOO85T0Ih | b9xjis | {
"description": "calling my boyfriend my ex's name",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for calling my boyfriend my ex’s name? | My ex and I dated for 2.5 years and broke up this past summer. We broke up because we went different paths in life, but were still in love at the time of our breakup. However, I feel like I have moved on well and we haven’t talked in several months.
I’ve been dating my current boyfriend since February and it’s going great. He knows my dating history. Last night, we were a couple beers deep and laying in bed talking when he started teasing me about something.
I playfully blurt out “STOPPP *name of ex*” and then immediately realize my mistake and say “I mean *name of current bf*”
He is not happy. Especially because He knows I was dating around with several other boys before we started dating. He asks whose name I had said and I told him the truth. Now he thinks I’m not over my ex, even though I genuinely feel like I am and have no desire to reconnect with him. I know this is a matter of him trusting me and moving on, but AITA in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
PX7gSNKtV23Cq6rol1ryVMqjiLxbuinF | aivzrj | {
"description": "not wanting to tell my so goodnight stories anymore because she always falls asleep",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to tell my SO goodnight stories anymore because she always falls asleep? | Very often, she asks me to tell her a story when we're going to sleep. I used to do this a lot, but the thing is that she always falls asleep in the middle of the story. I feel a bit awkward when I realize that I've been talking to myself for the last couple of minutes. When we talk about the story the next day, she usually doesn't remember it at all (not even how it started).
Now, this is all actually pretty cute and when we talk about it, she says that when she drifts away, she just really enjoys hearing my voice (more like a background sound) and feels safe and calm and taken care of, and I totally understand and appreciate that.
There's no conflict here at all, but somehow I can't quite deal with it. I'm a REALLY insecure person so I always feel like my stories are boring and she's just not interested (which is probably BS, but I can't fight the feeling!). As a consequence, I kind of stopped doing it and just choose to snuggle in and fall asleep myself. I kind of feel bad. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
t71ACv34W7qZwT9yhagZYBTwderSL7Jr | 9ucm77 | {
"description": "wanting to fair compensation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to fair compensation | Boss at my work, a delivery company, was selling his old SUV as it sat it was worth around 2500. He said he was going to sell it this guy who always asked about buying it. When he said he only wanted $500 I immediately withdrew the cash and handed it to him the next day.
I fixed it up, it needed a ton of cleaning, new thermostat, brakes, hoses, radio, speakers, transfer case and diff fluid swapped out.
My boss asked his brother (President Of company, small family business) before selling it if the company could use it, he said no.
Fast forward a month later and we are renting a ridiculously expensive truck to take this small route that I could do in this SUV because a truck broke down. Now it’s been months and I take a smaller route in my personal vehicle losing hours and putting wear and tear on the vehicle.
They are only paying for gas, and they did pay for a power steering pump to be replaced, but that’s work I can do myself. They have no plan in place to replace this vehicle I’m paying for
Insurance on every month and put work in to fix up. The plan was to give this to my girlfriend or parents who both drive junkers.
AITA for wanting to cut them off and take away the vehicle? I only got it because I work here and couldn’t of afforded it otherwise. I don’t know what to do. I feel like such a asshole for wanting to ask for more money out of a company i hasn’t been profitable in years. I know for a fact me and a few other drivers make more than the President (he’s still rich don’t feel bad) They pay me $15 when I had no experience or even the CDL for cheaper insurance. I can’t get another job quickly that will pay similarly.
I want to be a team player and I don’t want to be selfish but even as I feel taken advantage of my anxiety and feeling of being a dick is stopping me from not bringing the vehicle in or asking for more money. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QFDUaIXDqPyRyBgXVf2pSJ0iargLuUgB | 9uif5p | {
"description": "putting a sign on a 12 pack of soda asking others to not drink it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for putting a sign on a 12 pack of soda asking others to not drink it? | So I live in a house with a lot of people, all family. It's my mom and dad, my brother, my sister, my friend, my grandma, and 5 kids. It's a lot of people and a lot of mouths to feed. Well, every time soda is bought for the house, everyone gets to drink it whatever whatever. So if you like a soda that no one else really likes, then you get more of it. If you like a soda that everyone likes it, you better hope there's some left! I've bought soda for the house multiple times. 12 packs each time, I've bought for the house at least 10 times. Sodas that I like and other people like.
Well, this week I'm short on cash and there's no soda in the fridge that I enjoy. I decided, since I'm using what little money I have, I'd put a sign on the front of the box that says "Please do not drink, I bought this for me and I'm low on funds. Thank you!"
Came home from work and the signs ripped up and half my soda is gone?
I dunno, maybe I'm an asshole for putting the sign up in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
JWuIxcKPDPjLKGPVuDHCWiHMhTtjrbdf | ayh21p | {
"description": "taking back a neglected gift",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for taking back a neglected gift? | For starters, we have a very close relationship with our neighbors. We're all close friends and since we live in an apartment building a door away from eachother, it's a spoken rule that, should we need something, we can march in whenever to grab some milk, or an egg, or some sugar, or a drink, etc.
Lately I've been borrowing their tea strainer as ours broke, so I went on over to grab it. They weren't home. On the counter was sitting a tea cake that I had given to her a week before, which had been sitting there for the duration of said week. It was part of a breakfast I made for my mother's birthday, and I had made too much, so I gave one to her.
I don't know if you would agree, but in my personal opinion it's rather rude to leave someone's gift to you sitting on a counter. By my judgement, that's a sign that you're not intent on eating it (at least that's the way it goes in my household, my father likes to cook Chinese food but my mother hates it, so she leaves it out on purpose and I end up putting it in the fridge). So I thought that it had been left out long enough, and I figured she probably wouldn't have even noticed it gone since she had ignored it this long. I got pissed off and I took it and ate it. It was delicious even after a week.
Two hours later she walks in and asks pryingly if I took the cake, to which I replied with a yes.
She then proceeded to get upset and started to loudly lecture me on why it was rude of me to have taken it back. She was very discontented over the fact that I had taken it back.
I don't know if I was right or not. In my view, when people leave things out, It's rude. But I don't know if it was correct to take it. Am I the asshole?
I have a feeling I'm indeed the asshole in the eyes if many, though I still feel it was just in some small sense. Change my mind, though. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
7iADlghoTvDL4Riu1FpaPlOUXOjZbmZK | b2aa43 | {
"description": "wanting my roommates to park normally",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my roommates to park normally? | I live with four roommates and we have four cars. Our driveway fits three. A couple months ago, one of the roommates started picking up the habit of parking in front of the mailbox (which means our mail won't get delivered until she get re-parked). It is in the city ordinances that you should not park in front of the mailbox (I'll refer to her as mailbox girl), and I asked her in our groupchat several time over the past months to not do that, to which I have been told "sorry, I’ll repark". Apart from that she also picked up a habit of blocking the driveway if she is stopping by the house for a short amount of time, meaning she is blocking the 1-3 cars that are parked in the driveway normally. The only way I can get around her if she is blocking the driveway is by driving through our neighbors driveway, which is rude and extremely annoying if I am in a hurry - besides, whenever that happens I have to do extra maneuvers to turn my car around to get out of my own house. I understand that I can just ask people to move cars, but sometimes they would fall asleep/go to the bathroom/shower, and I would have to wait for them to collect their things and actually leave.
Today I woke up and not only the mailbox girl left for the weekend with her car parked in front of the mailbox with no note on when she's coming back, but the other roommate also did what she tends to do and blocked our driveway (I'm talking the entire driveway being inaccessible).
I once again went on to the groupchat to complain about the parking, to which Mailbox girl told me "my advice for you is just to park in the street if you are afraid of getting blocked" - so by her logic, I should not have the opportunity to park in my own driveway because I could get illegally blocked. We got into a text message argument, because she justifies her actions by "I park in front of the mailbox because my guests need to park here as well" and "we only block the driveway for a short time", with me just trying to get through to her that there is just to places where you shouldn't park per ordinances, them being the front of the mailbox and blocking the driveway, and that it is not hard to just follow these two rules. Our neutral roommate just offered to meet up in the evening and figure out a parking scheme that would be convenient for everyone, but the mailbox girl just said "well, the only person who has a problem with this is KuolemaLoki, so we will not be able to resolve this".
To me, it's not as much a personal problem. It's just not right per both common sense and ordinances in place by our city to park like this, and since one other person in our house already thinks it's okay to block the driveway as well, soon everyone will just park however they want, and make it a problem to everyone.
AITA for wanting my roommates to park in a manner that does not keep our mail or our vehicles hostage? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
V5i0RqI3oz48pI4TYNbTxZq2dSYkyo38 | az3sq2 | {
"description": "breaking up with my 8 month pregnant girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for breaking up with my 8 month pregnant girlfriend | Long time lurker, first time poster.
This post has been in preparation for a long time. I started to read this subreddit as a getaway since probably last october.
​
I (22) was together with this girl, 23, for roughly 7 months, when our birth control failed. Well, I call it birth control, but she really is alternative and didnt want to take hormones in any way and since she was my first girlfriend and I was a complete doofus, I didnt use condoms. We used a diaphragm with a spermkilling gel. Anyway.
It failed and she got pregnant, which she did not notice until roughly the fourth month. There were a lot of unhappy circumstances coming together for this, I can explain if you need to know. When we found out I just started an internship away from my hometown, which would have been for 5 months. We were shocked, but decided that adoption was out of question, since both our families supported us 100%.
During the next months we prepared and had some rough patches, but in August last year something big happened. She always had, very irregularily, seizures. This time however, i think we are at the 7,5 month threshold, she had 5 in less than 3 hours. And I could not stand it any longer, calling the ambulance, even though she explecitly told me that i should never do that, but I was scared not only for her, but also for our child.
After she got to the hospital and needed more than one day to even form a normal sentence, she asked if I would do it again. I said yes, and would not even wait that long again, but would do it directly after the second one. Mind you, she did not have any emergency medication or anything, so I could not do shit on my own. She then said that SHE then has to look for another solution for the future, implying that I should never do that, when I was only ever scared for her and our baby.
Fast forward and I am miserable. I wake up and just let the days blend into each other, apatheticly. We then ended it near the end of August, when I told her, that I cannot just always give and give her, but never receive anything back. But I will be there for our child, I will care for here and pay child support as well as try to be a good father. For this it is important that we still have some contact that is not completely toxic. She took all this and decided not to talk with me any further and leave. I called my dad and he drove her to the train, where she told me, that she does not want any contact until we meet one week later, we had an appointment for our child. Then she left and blocked me on all social media.
​
Also important, during the date of birth, I would be away for two weeks. She first was supportive for me, this changed to "its your decision" and then to "I dont want you to go". I still decided to do it, even my dad supported me in that. To this day I dont regret this decision.
Now here comes the tricky part. Was I the asshole when I broke up?
​
Give me your judgement. I'm ready. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
ZSWsNp4vWkeffzIfPFgLs9st1PYAS3Yt | ab2phn | {
"description": "not intervening here",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not intervening here? | I need some validation here because I feel terrible right now.
I was eating out at a diner, and there was a father with his son and daughter at the table beside mine. I was alone and so was casually eavesdropping a little on their conversations. The boy who was around 10 or 11 told his dad that he thought he was gay, and proceeded to ask if he was going to go to hell. To my surprise this dad responded by telling him that there was no way he was gay and that he “shouldn’t lie like that”. Then when the kid said he wasn’t lying, the dad told him that he wasn’t getting any food until he “changed his mind”. And he actually went though with it and didn’t buy him anything to eat! I really wanted to intervene and tell the kid I’d get him something, but I decided that it wasn’t my business in the end. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel like an asshole for just letting it all happen in front of me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
MOBz4wu4F1q6wH7NK6VpIXW6XcLjWeeh | 9umcqf | {
"description": "getting relationship advice from my friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting relationship advice from my friends | This happened a long time ago but I just realized now that I may have been an asshole.
​
I was about to get into a long distance relationship with a girl and she told me about her STD. I was shook by this and asked her if I could get some time to reconsider the relationship. Pretty standup thing for her to tell me before we got into it. With little to no knowledge about this, I went on the internet and consulted my two closest friends. Both of them have more experience with women and one of them is in a long distance relationship. They helped me break things down and realize I may have rushed into things too quickly and have no real plans on resolving the long distance part of the relationship. During the consultation, I told them about the std situation. I just realized now that I probably shouldn't have done that without permission as that was a private matter but I didn't do it with any malicious intent and to the best of my knowledge, they haven't told anyone. We also live in a different country. For what it's worth, the girl didn't say I couldn't tell anyone but obviously it was implied that I shouldn't go about making this public. I'm starting to feel bad about it now that I've realized this. Pretty simple, am I an asshole?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FP51SABWK8SmeFMbk6jM90F6tWshoptw | b6iwsz | {
"description": "ditching a friend for my grandfathers birthday",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if i ditched a friend for my grandfathers birthday | little back story. im in the military. a coworker and i had signed up for some volunteer work a month or so in advance to do at a school for test proctoring. my grandfather, living 14 hours away(driving) in a different state, is having his 80s birthday. i didnt know if my family was planning on throwing him a party or not and if so what the date was.
low-and-behold. the birthday date would make it impossible to make it back to the volunteer opportunity day. as my drive back would be difficult.
my coworker is mad at me for setting up the volunteer work for us and than wanting to back out for my grandfather. i tried to reschedule the volunteer thing with no luck. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
J9XmRyk57KSS7MD09Nk9tyd1jMUIsPEO | b364n8 | {
"description": "never ever calling my mother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for never ever calling my mother? | I have trust issues with my mother. I don't normally consider myself a very private person, and am quite open with friends, but when it comes to family it's a different story.
Almost everything I say to my mother she repeats to her friends & colleagues. Whenever she meets a GF she normally calls her the wrong name and usually manages to get a question in about when she can expect some grandkids. She is a bit hung up about always addressing a person by their name, and says it's a sign of respect. But then normally gets their names wrong. Very cringey for my GFs. I stopped introducing girls to her about 15 years ago.
When my sister got pregnant she *begged* my mom to not say anything. The next day aunt's were phoning to congratulate her. Sis was very upset. Felt that my mom intentionally stole her good news and denied her the right to tell (or not tell) who she wanted.
It's got to the point where I basically just don't speak to my mother any more. She phones me every few weeks but I've not called her in about 3 years. When we do talk I'm always guarded and secretive and I hate that I feel this way.
I'm often jealous of friends relationships with their parents, and whenever I'm at friends' houses I'm completely natural and open. Everyone gets on great and I'm not guarded or cagey at all.
So AITA for never calling and essentially cutting my mom out of my private life?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZfC4sbbZUADhtFDg9z3aqfvGtFjpUrlL | amcv1f | null | AITA - my mum sold my car | This is kind of an old story but I’m curious because it’s never quite date right with me!
When I was 17, my mother offered to buy me a car. I was working in a supermarket outside of school at the time. The deal we made was that she would buy the car for me up to the value of $2000 and I would pay her back half ($1000) at $50 a week once I left school and was working more often.
During the time that I was paying her back, my car broke down a number of times and my BF’s mum helped me with the repairs because my mum said she couldn’t. I also fixed l the windows that didn’t roll down and replaced all four tyres on it.
Then, my mother and her husband decided to build a huge house in the country. It was their dream home so they spared no expense.
But because they wanted everything and paid extra for handles/fixtures/fittings etc., they were not able to afford to have the yard done or to buy curtains for the house.
So before they moved in, my mother sat me down and told me that because I hadn’t finished paying her back and they needed the money, she was taking the car and selling it to one of her husbands friends.
I didn’t really know what to say so I gave her the car. She used the money to get curtains for their new house before moving in.
I’ve always felt that it was really unfair and that at least some of the sale money should’ve gone to my BF’s mum, but AITA? Did I owe her the car because I hadn’t paid her back fully? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0Y3ebBK9IzBMq0dB3Yy3DkocE7fJ11tY | a7u8rg | null | AITA : Bailed on my friends room for rent to live closer to work | I was talking to one of my old coworkers/friend about moving in with him and his girlfriend in San Jose with my girlfriend but cancelled right before I met with the rental agent for the interview.
Background:
Friends place with his girlfriend: San Jose, rent $1275, upstairs room with loft separated and private bathroom in a duplex. 3 cats and 2 dogs, not the best area, 1 hour plus for traffic and commute, if I lose my job stuck South Bay where less options are available in tech.
Chosen option: private area in San Mateo, 20 minute commute, $1600 for master with own bathroom off kitchen area, 3 roommates, they have a rescue husky, safe neighborhood, off highway 92.
Moving in with my girlfriend and she doesn’t really pay rent or contribute to food often. She goes to school full time and is low income. Has bills and works in the after school area so she can sub in different places or work after school program. It is a long her commute if she takes highway 280 but may change jobs.
I told him I wanted to move in and then they told the other person they found so have no one. I found this option and I’d rather not do commute and now idk if they’ll have someone by Jan 1. I offered to help pay part of Jan rent if needed even though I don’t have much money. I basically didn’t want to do the commute and would rather live in a safer area. I still haven’t signed the paperwork but could maybe still go back and live with him but I hate driving and scream at people all day long. Besides that am I the asshole for bailing? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lTLmrgZcrb48Z1ODspYvFcZ8L9q7xAoA | 9xz85z | {
"description": "not helping an \"anxious\" friend research her university offers",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not helping an "anxious" friend research her university offers | I have this long-time friend who became a mess (like hard drugs and stuff) so after High School, she decided to live off her parents and party rather than go to university or work. Three years later, she is now searching for universities because I guess she figured she couldn't do that her whole life.
She receives two offers from these "pay to get in" universities. She sends me their overview info and asks my opinion, which I'm more than happy to give. By the end, we settle on one university bu then, she starts asking me to look up details like important info, what classes to take, rent, etc.
Keep in mind I'm a full-time student so I don't have that much free-time while she has all the time of the world and considers getting her nails done a "busy day". I'm more than happy to give her my input because I believe I can give insight as a student, but when it's something that I know about as much as her, I really don't see the point in wasting my time. So I tell her to Google it and she asks me to do it because I know better. How? How do I know better? How do I know the schedule of your obscure university that I had never heard about until an hour ago?
So she changes tone and tells me that real friends help their friends, and so I'm not a good friends. And I agree, real friends help friends but she has all the time in the world while I have to study. And frankly, asking me to spend hours doing research for her feels like she values my time less than hers. Again, this isn't a case of me knowing more or whatnot, it's a case of you do my work for me because that's what good friends do, and for me, it feels like "your time isn't important".
So I let her know that but she keeps telling me I'm a bad friend for not "helping her". I ask her if she is in contact with an advisor, and she was, so I got really upset. Not only are you wasting my time, but you're wasting my time when you could very well reach out to a professional paid to do exactly this! And yeah, I get quite frustrated and upset, especially since this has been going for a bit now. So I let her know to ask her advisor.
And now she tells me she has anxiety, and I understand, I have anxiety too, so I tell her to email him (because that's what I do when I'm scared of calling someone. Also, it leaves a written note to reference to later), and apparently she's too anxious to do that, too.
I snap "If you're too anxious to send a damn email, then university isn't for you." And it just sort of stopped from there. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6kNPLaj0y8O62CmQjiZvFVGi6CYS6T6A | a5pwxm | {
"description": "wanting to lock my abusive but disabled sister away",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to lock my abusive but disabled sister away? | My sister (20) (who is suffering from epilepsy, autism and developmental delay) consistently has rage-filled episodes which are very easily started. In these, she abuses my mother (58) who is her primary and sole carer. Recently (the last few years as she has gotten older and my mother too has aged), she has become exceptionally violent when in these episodes. I've consistently told my mother that although my sister is disabled, she is aware enough of what she is doing when she is in these rage fits.
The evidence of that is that if my mother tries to walk off or protect herself, my sister will either follow her or start throwing things at her. Just now, she had one of these episodes and purposefully tried to gouge out my mother's eyes. There are scratch marks on her cheeks.
I've been telling my mother for a while now that my sister is simply too dangerous for her to look after and after this I feel like just calling the police and asking what they can do, specifically if they can take her to a government facility for mum's protection.
So... am I the asshole in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
uD1YKUtRIRJxQDCZURLb4011Ct1ZColQ | astk1e | {
"description": "threatening to knock out a classmate over a flashlight",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for threatening to knock out a classmate over a flashlight? | So end of class. I go to a trade school for auto tech. This kid starts flashing the light maybe 5~ feet away with one of those huge superbright LED flash lights something a security guard would have. I asked him politely in a stern tone, "could you please not shine that in my face." And he did it again with the strobe on. It burned a bit and I said, "quit that shit or I'll knock you out." He gets up and starts mad dogging me saying "you'll what?!" Over and over. Class was minding their own business its towards the end of it and everyone's talking. I had my hand in my back pocket holding my pocket knife in case he would go for a cheap shot. I said "I asked you nicely and you flashed that shit in my face." "I dont care pussy" he replied and walked away kinda pissed. I thought I was cool with this kid so I said, "thanks for showing me your true self dick." And he came back I stared him down as I sat and said, "lay a finger on me and I'll have my lawyers handle you." With the smuggest smile on my face. I dont know why I said that. Not to be a stereotype but I'm Jewish and have good lawyer relatives. "Your lawyers wont protect you" and walked away.
After that happened I wondered why I said that and asked my group mate if I was in the wrong. He said he didn't see the whole thing so wouldn't say. So anyways reddit... am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
tnyHTdos29i3pBh6pdSOBZi4jjvPM369 | asz0hm | {
"description": "creating a group chat that bullies a toxic person",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for creating a group chat that bullies a toxic person? | So basically I have friends who are friends with an incredibly manipulative and horrible person. They are incredibly toxic and emotionally abusive. I’ve been trying to help my friends get away from them quietly because anything blatant the toxic person will threaten suicide. So what happened is we made a group chat to discuss on how to get them away from the toxic person and let them vent.
Here’s the actual question. The chat has just devolved into bullying the toxic person and their SO. Nothing is actually happening on them leaving the friendship so I’m basically condoning these people to talk trash behind their friend’s back without actually doing anything. I can just imagine the toxic person finding the group chat I feel so guilty.
Should I delete the chat or let them continue? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
l8atJFAe9noHF294QJVKYf34QcrTLi7J | aatrs1 | {
"description": "seeing a blind homeless man and pretending to almost kick him to see if he's actually blind",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | WIBTA if I saw a blind homeless man and pretend to almost kick him to see if he’s actually blind? | Im actually curious, because if they really are blind they wouldn’t be scared at all, and if they do flinch/move/or any other natural reaction if you see someone looking like they’re about to kick you, they’re a scum bag for pretending to be blind for money. However it seems like a scum thing to do on the basis of literally pretending to kick someone. What do you guys think? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
5PYSThPmY8vlVUgIVWT2GRSNob0gnlpQ | ajmtyb | null | AITA for how I've treated this girl? | So I've known this person for about a year, we were both 17 when we met, and we've been fairly close since then. We've both expressed interest in each other, and she's stayed over at my place a few times, though I refused to do anything with her. Anyway, this fall we started really talking again, and it ended up with us almost sleeping together, and me backing out last minute and rejecting her. After that we didn't talk as much, though I did ask her to go to dinner for my birthday last november, and she did stay at my place a few weeks back.
While we were talking, but not exclusive I did see other girls, and she knew that, though how much she cared for it idk. Ive mentioned it to her, and she has even met one of the girls, though she seemed to hate the other girl.
Anyway, a few days after she stayed at my place I sort of told her to leave me alone, and I stopped talking to her for about 3 weeks, up until maybe yesterday or so, like no contact at all, and tbh though I told her that I would talk to her again when I felt ready I was pretty set on not talking really ever.
Me and my family are moving to a new house, and I'm having a huge bash (as we do in Jersey), though she is not invited, nor did I ever think to invite her, though she knows full well about the party, which I said was only for the closest people I know. I did throw out a text maybe a week or so back on whatsapp telling her to come visit my new room just the 2 of us, and she seemed up for a visit after I get settled. I kinda regret texting her that, and I don't want to really have her over, though the attention is p nice.
Anyway, AITA for how Im treating this girl, since I've rejected her, got close to her and done the same thing all over a couple times now? Aita for telling her to leave me alone, then inviting her to my new room just 1-1, despite not inviting her to the actual party??. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
IAfSU03FiWZ99w6zsIe1hyTU4WLKtSOE | b508hc | {
"description": "obeying traffic laws",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for obeying traffic laws? | This happened quite a while ago. Might seem like a stupid story, but I keep arguing about it with my friends.
​
So I was in a park working on a school project. Since it's far away, I went their with my bike. My friends I worked with came by train.
We were going along a path in the park looking for a place to film, my friends walking and me driving slowly next to them. The path was like 5-6 meters wide. Since we were mostly alone, I didn't pay attention to leaving space for someone to pass me by very easily.
After some time, a young lady on her bike comes behind us, looking to pass us. Being like five meters behind us, she rings her bell so we let her pass. (note: traffic laws here make it so that you are only allowed to pass people while driving to their left) At that point in time, I am quite far left, leaving a big gap in the middle. As the lady rings, I drive more to the right, because I don't exactly know where she is coming from and thus want to just obey the traffic laws. That is when I hear her moan because she wanted to pass us through the gap, but suddenly has to stop.
I mean, traffic laws are for traffic, but they are the only laws that are reasonable to follow. My friends insist on me having acted wrong. And I still feel like I was right. Wouldn't they lady rather expect me to follow the laws when she rings? Why would she ring in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BhJDO0ssP9gHJZ6RX6kvSnuImDWj3sUs | a9lgwx | {
"description": "interrupting my neighbours sex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for interrupting my neighbours sex? | My neighbours were going at it, with their headboard against the wall we share. I'm fine with bed noises, springs and stuff, but she started moaning loud. It was 8am on christmas morning, and my grandma was staying. I knocked on the wall. They stopped.
I do the same kinda stuff in my room, but loud feckless moans on Xmas morning seemed a little much. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
43MdqRg7je7b7IKWMLKZzHwc2F2sFX9H | ahu5sg | {
"description": "inquiring about whether or not someone likes me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for inquiring about whether or not someone likes me (details inside) | I'm a high school student, and I recently broke up with my girlfriend. In order to console me in the immediate aftermath of the breakup, Friend X lets it slip that there is someone in the school who likes me, but Friend X will not reveal who it is for privacy's sake, and expresses that he does not want me to look into the matter. I'm obviously intrigued, but I give myself time to recover from the breakup, and respect Friend X's wishes. A few weeks later, I bring up the subject again, looking to find a new relationship (the breakup was after a relatively short \[although intense\] relationship). Friend X still will not give me any details, so I begin to investigate on my own as to the identity of the mystery person. After a bit of deduction (I talked to one friend, but I mostly "figured it out" myself), I decide that the person is Friend Y, another friend of mine who I would be interested in dating. I ask Friend X whether it is Friend Y, and Friend X gives me no information and asks that I "act as if he never told me anything," which, to me, seems like a literally impossible task, especially given that I am somewhat interested in Friend Y. In order to figure out whether or not it is truly friend Y, I ask Friend Z, who knows Friend Y. Friend Z reveals to me that it is actually them, and feels irritated (though not too angry) at Friend X for partially leaking their secret. Friend X is now upset with me, because he told me to act as if nothing had happened. AITA for bringing the situation up with Friend Z? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QhVWKM6jBslNwuOUi4qC5qFqfRfrGCqz | ashkve | {
"description": "going to the hoa about my neighbor's dog",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I went to the HOA about my neighbor’s dog? | Across the street from my house, there’s a small field with a walking trail running through it. There’s a few houses that have backyards the back up against the trail and the path is pretty well used. The middle house has a large German shepherd (nothing against german shepherds, they’re such sweethearts when trained) and they leave the dog outside for most of the afternoon and usually all night. The problem with this is that the dog is extremely territorial and every time someone uses the path or even the sidewalk that leads up to it, she barks and lunges at them. She’s kept in her yard by a tethered cable, but this just causes her to bark even more.
I know it sounds so petty and stupid but I have had it with this dog. For over a year it has been barking at all hours. At first it wasn’t too big of an issue, but lately the owners are letting her bark nonstop at midnight and not doing anything about it until 3am. Even across the street, the barking is keeping me awake and frankly, I’m getting pretty sick of it.
So would I be the asshole if I tried to do something about this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cqYds6XU34jyg5K5mNNAzCDapp4ZIdPg | b7blaf | {
"description": "hosting a family dinner but making a Thai peanut dish specifically so my sister and her kids couldn't attend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 208
} | AITA for hosting a family dinner but making a Thai peanut dish specifically so my sister and her kids couldn't attend (too spicy and allergic to peanuts)? | Hello again AITA, you guys have previously weighed in on the long running battle between me and my sister so I figured I'd turn to you again to see if I really messed up. I'm always on my family's bad side so I appreciated the neutral input last time.
Somehow it's become a tradition in my family that one family member host a Friday night dinner once a month. Last night was my night. My oldest sister and I have not been speaking since our vacation (click on user name to see why if you're curious) and I was able to avoid her at the January and February dinner at other's houses. I really, really didn't want her in my apartment. So I decided since she hates spicy food and her kids are allegedly allergic to peanuts, I could side step the issue and make this Thai peanut noodle dish that I love. I announced it well in advance in the group email what I was planning.
Well since my sister is much more diabolical than I give her credit for, she had her husband drive the 2 hours to my place, feign that she didn't know I was making something that allowed her to say "you know my family can't eat! Isn't the point of a family dinner so all the family can enjoy!" While clutching her pearls (literally). Then my niece claimed she could feel the "peanut residue in the air" and it was affecting her ability to breathe. So my sister dramatically took her to the emergency room where all turned out to be fine.
But again, I lost. My sister played me like a fiddle and the entire family took her side. Dinner was ruined and I'm the bad guy. Again. I honestly just tried to side step the issue of having her around but making somthing she and her kids couldn't eat--and announcing it well in advance.
My family thinks I'm the asshole. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 155,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 53,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 208
} | WRONG |
A4z8tMnI3l7pjlzaclSEONX9p7jZXlZJ | a73wk1 | {
"description": "threatening to evict a tenet I manage",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for threatening to evict a tenet I manage? | The reason I made the threat is because the house is a mess. They had a three foot tall pile of dirty diapers in their kitchen. There was vomit on the counter and plates of food that had gone rotten. They built a shack in the backyard for a homeless person, and they rented out the garage as well to homeless people. There are thirteen people living in a two bedroom house. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IluSLMCGNgqPjdBZAwanU4vJVlN9atiK | axga91 | {
"description": "telling my wife to go see a doctor on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For telling my wife to go see a doctor on her birthday? | Background: My wife is overweight, has feet that are dry cracked and bleeding most of the time, hasn't seena primary care physician for a regular checkup in 2-3 years, hasn't seen a gynecologist/lady bits doctor in 6 years, and has vision issues that required muscular surgery years ago.
​
Today: She didn't pass her driver's test because she couldn't make out a portion of the vision exam. They told her to get a piece of paperwork filled out by a doctor confirming or disproving her vision fail. She was able to immediately get seen by an eye doctor who stated there was nothing wrong with her eyes, although wife admits part of her vision is blurry and her other eye helps to compensate. She and I were both worried that this would lead to a series of surgeries again to correct her vision with possible time unable to drive. Crisis averted.
​
I choose this moment again to bark up the same tree and tell her this is a good time to go see doctors to just get a baseline reading on where her numbers are at with a variety of health issues. She responds as she usually does, that the doctors won't tell her anything she doesn't already know (eat better, lose weight, your cholesterol is high, etc) but the action side of already "knowing" this information is lacking, IMO. She also has major foot pain issues due to constant dry cracked feet and all 10 toes have some degree of athletes foot. It's painful. and yet she's NEVER been to a podiatrist. Then she cries, as usual, because this wasn't how she expected to be spending her birthday, getting lectured on her health. (we went out over the weekend).
​
TLDR: Wife has a mini health scare on her birthday, I use it as a chance to remind her to go see an actual doctor, and she cries, because it's her birthday.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
X8RL9sOIDweT8clLrCEv6KGq8dBt4Dl0 | a2darc | {
"description": "wanting my son's dad's family to collect him for contact",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting my son's dad's family to collect him for contact? | First of all, I'm sorry for the long post!
I have a 6 year old son, who's dad I am separated with (we'll all him Tom.) He's quite difficult to talk to, so I arrange everything through Tom's mother (Kath.)
We have been separated for around 5 years, and the arrangement has always been weekend visits, although now he stays home sometimes, they would collect him and drop him back off.
For the past 8 months they have been asking me to drop my son off at their house as they can't get a lift (they have lots of different family members that can bring them. Tom has a work van, and a car, Tom's girlfriend has a car, Tom's sister and her husband both have cars, Tom's aunt has a car and her husband a van and Tom's grandad has a car.)
I don't drive, so it's 4 busses and 2-3 hours round trip for me. I would happily say my son can only go when they can collect him, but my son LOVES going. He has cousin's that live there, so other children to play with (although his 11 year old cousin is awful, she calls him ugly and tells him words like pedophile the other children that live there are lovely.)
I just feel like they are taking the piss now, it started as a one off when they couldn't get a lift. Now it's every time he visits.
As I the asshole for being so annoyed about this?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
wquxg1retKdNxdVCoY1F14kl6aLJJiXK | a8ot7e | {
"description": "walking fast like everyone in NYC and bumping into someone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for walking fast like everyone in NYC and bumping into someone? | You guys all know how fast people in NY walk. Running here is frowned upon, unless you’re actually exercising, so everyone just power walks. So there I was power walking back to my flat with my headphones on, and when I was crossing the street, I bumped into someone. I said I’m sorry and walked on. But he calls me from the other side of the street and told me to hold up. When the light turned green, he caught up to me and said his glasses broke from bumping into me and told me to pay him $200. I said I am sorry that we bumped into each other, but I was clearly on the right side of the street, and that there is nothing i can do about it. He said his glasses cost him $400 and that i should help him cover half the cost because i was walking really fast. I told him again, politely, i was just walking back home like any other person here, and that I was clearly on the right side of the street, and though im sorry we bumped into each other, it’s not my fault and that i can’t help paying for the repair. He got angry and said “okay, so if I were to scratch my head and you happen to be in my way, i could just slap you” and he slapped me on my face. It wasn’t a hard slap, but I was just so dumbfounded like did this just happen, so I was like wtf dude I’m done here, and just walked away from him.
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RMpNAkCB7FCJYQTAhGYJBjg1MlD3McBm | aasbl5 | {
"description": "not asking for my check",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not asking for my check | So I normally get paid on the 1st. I figured I'd get my check today since we'll be off the 1st, but it didn't happen. I forgot/was too busy to ask my bosses, and they left before I was done working so I didn't get a chance then. Now my family is annoyed since they wanted to go out for new years, but now we can't due to lack of money.
Now for the AITA part. I didn't make a point of asking since I knew I'd be dragged along to new years when right now I just want to stay home or go with friends. My family thinks my bosses are the assholes for not paying me today. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
t19BjHfH0WZreGqXvn6O3410MfIoNZyW | aup68r | {
"description": "wanting presents from my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for wanting presents from my boyfriend? | Hello everyone.
I’m (F, 21) currently having an argument with my boyfriend (M, 21) of over a year about how I am apparently unreasonable for wanting presents from him. It all started because he is refusing to replace the perfume he bought me (and then lost before he could give it to me) for my 21st birthday last March.
He originally said he’d replace it, but it’s been 11 months and he hasn’t. I asked if he’d buy another one for me on top of a birthday present for this year, and he seemed to find this unreasonable.
What makes me even more annoyed, is that he told me today that he’s been paid and has a rather large sum in his bank account. He lives in his family home and pays £80($100USD) per month for board, so it’s not like he’s skint.
I’m not asking for anything big- just the perfume (which cost like £50), and something else small on top- even cheap flowers or chocolates would do!!
He also didn’t get me anything for Valentine’s Day, until I begged him to buy some chocolates (coating £4). I paid for our meal and was happy to do so as we hadn’t done anything for our anniversary in November. I would’ve just loved a card with a heartfelt message, really. His excuse is that his handwriting is awful, and I told him that I don’t mind, and would be fine with him typing it if he was more comfortable with that!
Nope, nothing.
So yeah, that’s it. I know I sound materialistic as fuck, but I would just like a bit of effort?
He brought up the fact that he’d paid for many drinks when we’ve been out, and paid £50 for a train ticket to meet my family, but my response was that that’s what any normal couple would do.
I honestly just don’t know anymore because apart from this, he’s usually a wonderful boyfriend and we have a (usually) great relationship. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
f8lyuVrhCuNyN3LO2VUsTJlfI3Vx17yx | ab1ixx | {
"description": "harassing someone who tried to steal my netflix",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 90
} | AITA for harassing someone who tried to steal my Netflix? | My boyfriend suggested I posted here about this. So uh, here it is.
Yesterday I got an email notification from Netflix stating that they were glad I was back, and a confirmation of a phone number change. I had only signed up for the 1 free month, and deactivated it after. I instantly knew something was up, especially because I had been sleeping the previous 14 hours.
I got up almost immediately and logged into Netflix. I got the person's number and called it myself. A lady answered and immediately after she said "hello" I said "Hi, can you explain why your number is now associated with my Netflix account?" I heard her shuffle to hang up, and when I tried to call back, it went straight to voicemail. At this point, I figured there was no way this was some scammer putting in a fake number. I called Netflix, explained the situation, and they cancelled it and logged out my account on all devices. I changed my account password/phone number and they refunded my money.
You see, dear reader, if that was all, I wouldn't be posting here.
So I called again, and left an angry voicemail along the lines of "nice try bitch." I proceeded to figure out everything about this man- his name, home address, and a confirmation of his phone number. I called from my bfs phone, and the lady picked up and didn't speak more English than "hello?" and "what?" After trying to interrogate her, a man with a very thick accent said "Stop fuckin' callin' me." and hung up immediately. Alright, fine. I'll stop calling you.
I proceeded to sign him up for as many wake up call sites as I could, with times ranging from 5 minutes away, to 4 in the morning. I sent his number to as many of my friends as possible, encouraging them all to call him. The final call by a friend was placed at midnight, in which he answered, "What the FUCK do you want?" I was finally satisfied... Or so I thought.
I'm still filled with ideas on how to abuse this guy. Next time anyone asks for a phone number for ANYTHING, I'm putting his in. A friend suggested putting him on casual encounters on Craigslist, but I think that's illegal, so I'm not gonna do that. I have all his information I need to do literally anything.
Am I the asshole in this situation? Should I just let it go? Do you have any suggestions on how I can make this guys life even worse? Many thanks. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 75,
"OTHER": 37,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 90
} | WRONG |
zSycu6rZI51LEsKqHRfeCKvy5Bek5yzf | a7n5zf | {
"description": "not giving my in laws any money",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not giving my in laws any money? | I posted this in r/offmychest and decided to post here as well.
My in laws are well off people. They both work, make $150K combined, mortgage has been paid off since 1994, no auto loans, credit card debt, etc. Just monthly bills.
My wife and I are doing somewhat average financially. We have a mortgage, student loan debt, CC debt. My wife's vehicle was on its last leg and our credit is decent so we were going to look a buying a used vehicle around $10K. My father in law offered to loan the money at 0% interest if we paid it off in three years. We found a car for $9K. That means $250/ per month for three years. Also, my wife was out of work for a short time and he offered to pay on one of our CC debts until she found employment. That total was around $400.
We were paying the note as promised on the 10th of every month. On the 1st, he would be texting me to remind me that the note was due in 10 days. Every month this happened. After a year of paying the note, I was involved in a head on collision with a company dump truck. I was in the right, had a broken arm and some neck and back pain. I ended up getting a settlement for $160K. I paid off all of my debts, except my mortgage, including what I owed my father in law.
After paying all of my debts, we had around $75K left. My father in law texted my wife and said that "it was a shame that we couldn't give them any money" when they helped us out in our time of need. I, personally texted him back and said, "if you need to borrow any money for whatever reason, I will loan it to you, just as you did for us." He never responded to my text.
Our relationship now is civil. I keep the peace for my wife and children. I really have no desire to associate with them but do because of my family. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 37,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 38,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
payrRESZJrGQMg4kaMZZPkzWalW8tjMg | apin9z | {
"description": "not caring about their baby's sleep schedule",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not caring about their baby's sleep schedule? | A little bit of background. My wife and I moved into a duplex in October of 2017. The couple who lives below us moved in at the same time. We live on the main floor and they live in the basement. Our contracts are 1 year in length.
Around this time last year, they found out they were pregnant and when it came time to renew our contact both of us did. Now fast forward a few months.
​
My wife and I are generally pretty quiet in the evening and maybe have guests over once a month. Never anything too crazy just playing cards or watching a movie and talking. They never stay later than 10:30 as my wife an I are not late night people and we are never super loud or have music playing. Just general conversational get together. Yeah, it can be louder when people laugh but that would be about it.
Ever since they had their baby when we have people over we both get texts asking us to be quiet, that they can hear everything we are saying and we are being way too loud and their baby is trying to sleep. Keep in mind these texts come in around 8-8:30. My wife and I have ignored them every time as our life didn't change when they had a baby. We pay rent just along with them and they knew our habits for a whole year and still decided to keep their current living situation.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
0FhxqCbyBITF8aTjj9fwoiAYuJeRoanP | ar3szo | {
"description": "dating my cousins ex",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA if I dated my cousins ex? | My cousin and her ex are both 26 and had been dating for about 5 years. He recently broke up with her and me and him started messaging each other and secretly meeting up. I’m 19 but tbh ive had a crush on him since they first got together when I was like 14. We both got along really well and I’d always joke around with him but obviously at the time he didn’t look at me like that,He did say he thought it was obvious that I had a little crush on him and he found it cute. Anyway as I got older we both started to feel chemistry between us. We never did anything though because he was with my cousin.
We want to be together although we know it’s gonna be pretty awkward for a while if we do get together. Is it really bad of me to date him? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
EieR6tiyWwt2V7beyS0a8Tq5qttIIXth | a47ssw | {
"description": "making my husband come home from a party",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for making my husband come home from a party? | TL;DR at the end.
So it's Friday night. SO and I are playing video games when he gets a call at 9:30pm from a work friend who lives one street over, asking if we want to go over to his house to drink and hang out with some other friends.
I'm really not in the mood to go over there. I take medication every night for nausea and it doubles as a sleeping pill. I'd already taken this medication, plus I'm in my pajamas, about ready for bed. I told him he should go without me and that i was going to bed instead.
As he's leaving, I tell him not to do anything with any girls. He has never done anything with another woman as long as he's been with me, so I have no reason to think that he would tonight. I was mostly joking, but I'm also feeling a little self conscious. I'm in my second trimester of pregnancy, so I've started to get a little bit of a bump, plus I'm not pooping regularly and I'm extra gassy today. I just feel really unattractive and my anxiety brain was telling me he might think this as well. He obviously didnt find my comment funny, however.
Cut to about 10 minutes after he left. I'm in bed, getting settled in, and I hear glass breaking. I automatically imagine someone watching my SO leave and, thinking the house is empty, break in through a window. I jump up to lock the bedroom door and immediately call my SO, asking if he was in the house because I heard glass shatter. He didnt even seem phased by this, from what I could tell. He tells me he'll walk back and for me to get his gun by our bed.
While I'm waiting for him to get back, I start to realize a couple things. 1.) We have a dog who barks if he hears anything strange at night. He w as s suspiciously quiet. 2.) The shattering noise definitely wasnt loud enough to be something big, like a window breaking. I started to feel pretty stupid right as my husband walks into the apartment.
He clears the house and doesn't see anyone, so I go to check the living room. Yup. Our dog licked a bowl off the coffee table and it shattered. He *never* does this, but the table was pulled a little closer to the couch tonight, so I guess he took his chance.
As we're cleaning up the mess, my SO says "there aren't even any girls there!" I was sincerely confused by this, so he explains that the only women at the party are there with their husbands. The way he says all this to me, I can tell that he thinks I broke the bowl so that he would have to come home. I told him, "I didnt do this so you would have to come back!" But he just muttered something that didnt make sense and then left for the party again. Didnt seem like he was in a great mood.
I do feel pretty stupid about not checking the house to actually see if someone was breaking in, but was I really being that big of an asshole to put him in a bad mood like this?
TL;DR: SO went to a party while I stayed home and I told him not to do anything with any women there, even though i have no reason to say this. After he leaves, I think I hear someone breaking into the apartment, so I call him home to check. After finding out it was just our dog, he thinks I tricked him into coming home and leaves again in a bad mood. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
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