id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
8t9FCU3l6SZnARTyMOPKegVSzuqq7JSp | ayf02x | {
"description": "not going to a relative's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA for not going to a relative's funeral? | My uncle was diagnosed with cancer a couple years ago, had a few treatments with chemo therapy and was weak all the time but never close to die. Last week though, he was infected with the flu, was sent to the hospital and because of his weak immune system he did not make it.
He was my sister's godfather and she had a good relationship with him, but I have never been close with him, never had a deep or long conversation and we haven't been in touch for about a year now. I am sad that he died and I feel very sorry for my sister and everybody else who was close to him. But I just don't feel like going to his funeral next week. Somehow it feels wrong to say goodbye to a person I haven't been in contact with for the last year. Also I would have to use a day off from work to be able to go there which I could definitely get, but work is very busy right now and I'm not sure, if I want to use a vacation day for a funeral I don't want to go to and I would feel misplaced at. Honestly, I would only go there, so that my other relatives wouldn't think bad of me.
I already feel like a massive asshole just by thinking about it this way, but what do you guys think?
WIBTA?
TL/DR: Didn't talk to my uncle for a year, was never close to him. WIBTA for not going to his funeral? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
ynaXvE708JHzdET8lRLAVFlvNs1LjVGv | aph8ho | {
"description": "asking my coworkers why hating America is suddenly so cool",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for asking my coworkers why hating America is suddenly so cool? | At work there was a conversation going on about the song "This is America" in the slack channel that includes everyone in the company (about 500 people). I observed that I really hate that song, and that while America has lots of problems, that I'd rather have those problems in America than anywhere else in the world.
Well you would have thought I'd just peed in their cornflakes. People went ape-shit. I was called an ignorant racist. Told I have no empathy. I mean it got so bad, that the company eventually just deleted the thread.
I've been poor as poor can be... but I'd never choose to be poor in another country over America. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave. I tried to follow up 1:1 with the biggest haters afterwards to find out what their problem with me was, but they just shouted at me.
I really wasn't trying to cause a controversy. I don't know why patriotism makes people lose their fucking minds these days.
My guess about how the comments are going to go:
1. Lots of people will call me privileged and ignorant -- which makes no sense because I grew up pretty poor. We were on free lunches at school, for instance...
2. People will assume I'm a conservative, trump-loving, homophobe -- which is crazy because I'm not. I love the whole rainbow. Be who you wanna be is my perspective.
I'm really honestly perplexed how saying that you love your country automatically translates to all of this, frankly, crazy-assed bullshit.
Judging by the torches and pitchforks in slack, I'm the asshole... but WHY AITA?
I'm really asking. I don't get it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
2Y4HoWtN7TGu923ISmZAo7QsPLn126RN | b74w8h | {
"description": "refusing to allow someone I never met at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for refusing to allow someone I never met at my wedding? | My husband and I never wanted a big wedding so we just married with a wedding officiant. My family was ok with it. His family really wanted us to have an actual wedding party and to plan one for a few months after we married. Since I can remember I have always thought marrying in front of people was awkward and something I never wanted to do, which husband and his family knew. I agreed to a wedding after being pressured for a while.
I’m in the midwest and his family is in the east coast. I asked to have the ceremony in my city, because it’s the city we met in, and so my family (none of whom could afford to travel) could attend. His family is able to and does travel often. His family said they wanted it to be in their city and pretty much shut down any other options. After a couple weeks I was guilted into switching it to their city.
The wedding was scheduled to be on our anniversary (I’m weird and love anniversaries and special dates). His family said that the day wasn’t convenient enough for everyone and wouldn’t be pretty enough weather. They wanted us to change the date completely to a few months before the original. I reluctantly agreed to make it a date that was more convenient for his family after a week or so of hearing complaints.
I’m not a preachy sort of vegetarian or anything, but I wanted my wedding to be meat-free. Several family members said they wouldn’t come if there was no meat served at the wedding and I was some kind of crazy person for thinking I could have an event with no meat.
Here’s where the person I never met comes in: I never wanted people to see me get married in the first place, so I asked for the cutoff to be family and those related by marriage only to keep it small. His aunt then said that if her sons girlfriend couldn’t come, her whole family wouldn’t come. I had never met or heard about the girlfriend in my life. I felt there had to be a cutoff and was really not ok with some random person I’d never met at my wedding. This was the only thing I refused to compromise on. I told my husband to inform the aunt that the girlfriend was not allowed.
Instead of telling the girlfriend not to come, the wedding got canceled without my consent by my husband and his family in order to avoid upsetting the aunt and girlfriend.
I could have allowed the girlfriend to come but it was about more than just the guest list at that point. At that point it had become wedding I never wanted on a meaningless date in a city that had no significance to our relationship with people who had for months continuously disrespected my needs and beliefs, so I felt I had a right to put my foot down on something that made me so uncomfortable.
I was made out to be a horrible person for not compromising on this and my husband sides with the family. I’m wondering if I should have just let the girlfriend come to keep the peace. So...AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
WLs86kJ31ZcctaktPhz4WvMOom9VKL38 | 9xfivd | {
"description": "accidentally finding my boyfriends throwaway account but not telling him",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for accidentally finding my boyfriends throwaway account but not telling him? | He was addicted to porn and cheated on me (by telling online girls he wanted to fuck them etc). He stopped watching porn but I accidentally found his account by a post in a sub. I haven’t told him because I wanna know how he feels about porn/about me because he posts about us. I want to tell him but at the same time it’s nice knowing, ya know? I feel like shit about it, but it’s the only way I truly know the truth. Thanks for reading. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
PDUt7MTChAH5VW9ofvSrxOWDtGmx2RZi | aerm71 | {
"description": "trying to get my sister to respect me and my house after letting her stay with us after she broke up with her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to get my sister to respect me and my house after letting her stay with us after she broke up with her boyfriend? | Okay so a few days ago my sister calls me asking if she can stay with my partner and myself for a night if anything happens to her and her boyfriend of 5 and a half years. Not thinking anything would happen soon I said yeah sure, she then called half an hour later saying she's on her way as she just broke up with him.
Now my house is a tiny unit with two rooms, one is our bedroom, the other is a study room that does have a small bed in it for when guests come over. This very rarely happens, so it's main use is to study and use our computers.
She first said it would be a couple of nights a week until she found a new place, then it's every night for a week, now its two weeks...I feel like this is going to keep growing until she either gets a new place or I can't handle it any more. She gives me loads of washing to do for her at night then goes straight to bed leaving me hang it all up for her. She went back to her old place last night to dye her hair black and comes back after midnight wanting to dry it in a carpeted room which I ask her not to do as it might flick black hair dye everywhere. She gets annoyed that she has to dry it in the bath room, which makes me feel like an ahole. Then this morning I wake up to her using an OIL based hair spray to straighten her hair in the spare room on the carpet! I ask her to not do that as the oil will go into the carpet, and she gets stroppy and says I worry too much.
I'm in a rental, that's about to be sold by the landlord and I'm trying to keep it nice for when people come through looking at it.
Today is her day off and because she slept in, she is just going shopping instead of looking for places to live. I feel the more I mention that she needs to keep looking at places the more she gets annoyed with me. I don't know what to do as she clearly doesn't respect my house or myself, and I feel trapped that I can't say anything or I look like I'm an asshole.
She also is not upset at all about her brake up, she only feels bad for the guy, so I can't put her behavior down to that. My partner and I have already had a fight about her being here as we don't have the space to house another person indefinitely. I need help as I don't know how to approach this with her with out her getting immediately defensive. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XPIH43rPDeQNFtOhuNlOKNmMTNIlDssp | ai43lb | {
"description": "wanting to tell my ex husband to tell him mother to stop sending over food when he drops off our daughter",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for wanting to tell my ex husband to tell him mother to stop sending over food when he drops off our daughter? | So my EXMIL used to make my husband food for his lunches and send them home with at the end of each weekend when we would go over to do laundry. They are from Romania and she has 2 sons, one of which is my ex husband. She told him it was because she knew I didn’t know how to cook and wanted to make sure I wasn’t feeding him crappy American food that was what was making him so fat. Just to be clear, I have a bachelor’s degree in nutrition sciences and know how to cook but he always said that I should just ask his mother how to cook for him and make small dishes to see how they came out, but that she doesn’t mind cooking for him (I never received food from her). One of the many reasons we are divorced.
Now, my ex and I have split custody over our 5 year old daughter and he has bringing back food, mostly snacks or goodies she has baked back with my daughter. When I asked my daughter about it, she said (EXMIL) just wanted to make sure she had food that she made that she knew she liked. That is a cut to my ego and is a bit undermining to me as my daughter’s mother. (Side note, this woman has always considered my daughter to be the daughter she never had and told me that she was going to take the baby in the middle of the night so that I could get sleep while she had the baby in her bed.) She had a seriously twisted sense of grandmother boundaries of anyone I knew. So next time my ex husband comes to drop of my daughter, would I be the asshole if i tell him to take the food back because I don’t need it because I know what my daughter likes to eat and I don’t need food from his house? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
lRxylkX6tkFvSrywM1mcvbtKTvM8HbQB | b507hv | {
"description": "feeling like my BF is lazy",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for feeling like my BF is lazy? | My (30) BF (33) and I have been together for 5 years but this has only become a problem for the last 2 and I'm pretty fed up with it.
The only chore my BF will do without being asked (or nagged, in his opinion) is laundry. Not household laundry, just his (not to include sheets, blankets, basically anything that isn't in his laundry basket). If I don't ask him REPEATEDLY to wash dishes, take out the trash, mow the lawn, dust, vacuum, bathe the dog, sweep it usually doesn't get done. I don't think he's cleaned any of the bathrooms in the house in 2 years. His other habit is to wait until he sees me about to do something I've been asking him to do and jumping up to try and do it.
Now I don't like to live in filth, and we have a dog so that adds to the chores I have to do. I feel like he knows I won't live in filth and I'm really not able to just stop cleaning to spite him.
Recently I asked him to please help me out more cleaning the dishes. He caught an attitude and started washing the dishes. I tried to talk to him about it and he snapped at me about how I create more dishes than him. This is true, because I cook way more often (like almost every day often). But we had a agreed that when one cooks the other cleans. He said he doesn't like to cook in a dirty kitchen.
For the past two weeks after this conversation, every single dish and utensil I've used, I've washed by hand and put away. Now there's a big pile of his dishes in one side of the sink and I refuse to touch them. He says I'm an asshole for not washing them just because I didn't use them.
I'm tired of doing the majority of the housework and being made to feel like a fucking nag when I try to talk to him about it. So, I decided to cut at least one chore in half.
So reddit, AITA?
BTW, the kitchen (aside from his growing pile of dishes) has been SPOTLESS, for the past 2 weeks and he STILL hasn't made a meal (other than sandwiches for himself). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mrrG1tIK9ob7KYuB4ARBJjyDGoFfItEM | a2m19x | {
"description": "asking my ex not to consider me her friend anymore",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my ex not to consider me her friend anymore? | Backstory: She and I met under similar circumstances. Both of us were lonely and we jived really well. We started dating a month after we met. Found out that she had been trying to move on from her ex who ghosted her which hit her really hard. Anytime we became intimate, she would start crying and apologize over and over. Six months later, I asked if we could be friends and she agreed. Went to uni, came back and shes still single and shes better but still not over her bf but she allows me to hold her hand and kiss her but my feelings grew for her again. I asked her out and she rejected me and I was okay with that but realized I needed space because emotionally, I'm making myself sad being around her. She recently contacted me after almost 5 months of not talking and wound up kissing her twice and realized the romantic feelings are creeping back. I ask her to help but she can't. She doesn't want me to cut her out of my life and tells me she considers me her best friend. I don't reciprocate it. I want her out because I don't know how to deal with having romantic emotions for someone that I should not have feelings for anymore. Am I the asshole for not being able to deal with my emotions? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
B5b95gXYSQJRy0YeXSAlulNJcDzxH1pk | 9tl4qm | {
"description": "always giving Uber drivers 4 stars",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for always giving Uber drivers 4 stars? | Even if the Uber driver is perfectly friendly and a great driver, I find it really hard to justify giving out a 'perfect' rating. You get me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
grGBPXkiPRYISVTPhOilSwVNhTbw2Bjy | alj6xr | {
"description": "being upset at my boyfriend for telling an old co-worker where I now work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset at my boyfriend for telling an old co-worker where I now work? | When I (18F) was 17, I worked as a cashier at a grocery store while I went to college. A bagger who was an older male (in his 60s?) liked to make comments about the young girls who worked there being "beautiful", called us all "sweetheart" and was constantly hugging us and kissing us on the cheek. On my 18th birthday (I got a new nametag to reflect that I wasn't a minor) he said to me "What a shame. You're no longer forbidden fruit". He also made comments about me giving him a massage sometime because I was in school for it.
I've since graduated, gotten with my now boyfriend (27M) and gotten a job as a massage therapist at a rehab facility. I stopped by the grocery store today with my boyfriend today to see about getting my tax documents, and I ran into the old coworker (let's call him John). I was in my new work uniform with the company logo on it. I saw John walking towards me and whispered to my boyfriend that he was a pervert and that he had referred to me as forbidden fruit when I worked there.
John comes up and proceeds to hug me and give me a disgusting kiss on the cheek and asks how I am. I step back and make small talk hoping he'd go away, when he mentions that I should give him my card and work on him. I say I don't have any made yet (lie) and when he asked where Iworked, I tell him I work at a different clinic than I do, and that I'll likely be moved a bit north later on (lie).
John looks at my boyfriend and asks for clarification, and my boyfriend told tbe directions to the ACTUAL clinic I worked at.
John gave me a look (I think he knew I lied) and then soon left. I asked my boyfriend why he'd tell him that, and my boyfriend said that I worked in a safe clinic and that I should make money when I can if I'm safe. I told him that that wasnt the point, and that I shouldn't invite people like him at my work place. We walk through the store for a moment, and then I stop and say that I can't believe he'd tell John where I worked. Boyfriend is aggravated that I won't drop it, and soon goes to wait in the car.
When I get in the car, my boyfriend says that 1. I shouldn't mumble cues to him if I have something to say, and 2. If I didn't want to talk to John, I should have walked away instead of blaming it on him for telling John my work place location.
I'm upset because I'm nervous John will come by my clinic now and be inclined to make advances at me, and I'm upset that my boyfriend didn't stand up for me or at the very least not call me out on a self defensive lie. However, my boyfriend feels I'm overreacting and that if I was really that worried I shouldn't have allowed John to engage me in the first place.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1i9yxb8W1psYrIMT8g4XyyuCGbBFUXPY | aot3cs | {
"description": "shoving my cat into the hall while I'm eating",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for shoving my cat into the hall while I'm eating | I live in one room in a shared house with 5 housemates. We can have pets as long as their food/litter is kept inside our rooms, and they don't make a mess of the house.
Ever since I first got my cat (3 months ago) he has used his litter box every time I bring food into my room. He doesn't use it for hours, but as soon as I bring food into my room to eat, he begins digging around in his shit-sand. When he begins doing the deed, he stares me directly in the eyes, because he's a bastard and knows what he's doing. This doesn't mean he exclusively uses it when I'm eating, but he _prefers_ to. His forbidden chocolates have a horrible stench that completely fills the room. Now, I can _usually_ deal with this, but I refuse to smell the depths of hell when I'm chowing down.
So, recently I've started either shoving him out of my room when I get food or closing the door on him. Obviously he doesn't like this, and meows or sticks his paws under the door. When I let him in after I'm done eating, he never goes directly to his litter box, because he doesn't _actually_ have to go. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
y6ZCfL7GRe95oFgOL1VUNcM9QmpAzkyj | axp9hs | {
"description": "wanting to skip work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for wanting to skip work? | Tl;dr at the bottom
This may not be as severe as most other posts on here, definitely not life changing, not really, but here we go anyways. And, since there’s no need for me to be anonymous with where I work, I’m not gonna be, I work at Walmart, unloading trucks and stocking shelves.
Now, I’m not good at my job. At all. I’m slow, get tired easy, and need energy drinks to even make it through the day, and even then I’m never at the level I’m supposed to be. Think, I’m supposed to do 4-5 boxes every five minutes, and at my absolute best I’m doing 3-4. So I put in my two weeks a few days ago, setting my sights on a job more suited for me, so I can keep working there without rueing the day I accepted the position. So at Walmart, our attendance works on a point system; if you’re late by less than an hour, you get half a point, if you don’t show up to work and don’t call in, you lose 3 points, etc. There’s a bonus if your points are low enough.
My problem is, while I’ll be here still when the bonus rolls out, I won’t get it. Haven’t worked here long enough. So there’s no reason to not use my points while I have them, right? Exactly, there isn’t.
Except for one thing. I was talking to the grocery assistant manager (I work general merchandise technically but I’m in grocery every day anyways working snacks and cereal) and mentioned how I’ll be calling in two days (on either side of my two days off for a four day weekend to relax). He said “so you’re just gonna call in for no reason? That’ll really put me and my team in a bind.” Idk if he’s being legit or not, and while, yes, one person can make a pretty big difference on our teams, I will not, because I suck at my job, which is the reason I’m quitting in the first place... right?
Which is why I came here. AITA for wanting to use my points while I have them regardless of if I’m needed or not?
TL;DR: I wanna use what few days off I have while I can, am I the asshole for leaving my team members dry when I don’t make much of an impact on going-ons anyways? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
hlDVEMDeEbyiQBp6P6LAFO1Q6agl2SGF | ap8rou | {
"description": "not wanting to help a half sibling out financially",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to help a half sibling out financially? | Parent 1 cheated on Parent 2 when i was younger which led to a the a half sibling. Said Half sibling's mother is very poor, and my father is also not financially well off. Friends and family are saying I have an obligation to help out my half sibling, but I don't feel like I should be responsible for a child parent 1 had when they cheated. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
TN3cepqJzbNhB2T5YjIT0qiNOR3yxdEe | 9y6wso | {
"description": "getting upset every time a roommate brings up an awkward lunch with her parents",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset every time a roommate brings up an awkward lunch with her parents? | So for some clarity, the name of my roommate and most people in this will be changed for the sake of annonimity in this, since I live with multiple and it will get confusing at some point.
This event happened a few months ago, but I was invited to an all paid lunch with my roommate, Samantha, her parents, and her boyfriend, Adam. Having never really interrracted with Samantha's parents before I took the lunch as an opportunity to get to know them. Since the only time I met them was moving in day in which they largely ignored me and my mother.
The day of the luncheon arrives and we get to a posh, slightly more expensive restraunt that I would never step foot in, but it's a free lunch so I'm not complaining. But I notice that the parents don't attempt to even interact with me as we're waiting for a booth to open up. We get seated after half an hour, in which they still haven't attempted to talk to me. In the 2+ hours we're at the restraunt the parents made no attempt to converse with me (I tried but they brought up really specific topics that I couldn't talk about) the only interaction I got was a 3 second clipped conversation to ask about the menu item I ordered and....that was it. Though I'd notice they made more efforts to include and talk to Adam for the duration of the lunch while I felt like an outsider.
So a day passes and Samantha brings up the events of the lunch to another of roommates who had been away at home. Samantha tells this roommate that her parents adored Adam, yet felt that he fit right in with me because "I didn't make an effort to talk to her parents during lunch." I was so pissed off, this roommate knew all about what happened during the lunch because I texted her about it prior to her coming back and even cried about the situation because I came to the uncomfortable realization that maybe I'd been treated differently at the luncheon because I was black and Samantha had laughingly brought up on several occasions that her parents held....bigoted views. Thinking this was the only time Samanthat would bring this event up, I just let it go. Until yesterday, in which I was invited to go see a movie with Samantha, but declined because she brought up the luncheon situation again as the butt of a joke. It just made me pissed off to the point that I didn't think I could comfortably sit in a shove with her and needed time to myself, but felt guilty since it was supposed to be a bonding experience.
After the movie one of my other roommate's informed me that during the event Samantha again brought up the luncheon at least 3 times during the event. Yet again I was pissed off, but quickly felt afterwards that I was being a dick for letting this get to me and allowing it to ruin any bonding experience that I could have with Samantha...yet she always finds an opportunity to bring that luncheon up. AITA for feeling the way I do? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4aq3OMXulAWyNOJLksqMxUbKehUljo14 | ablef2 | {
"description": "not giving a lady something free because her husband is disabled",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving a lady something free because her husband is disabled? | AITA for not giving away my product for free...
So the backstory is I own a small business with my mom, where we sell accessories at concerts (hats, sunglasses, headbands, jewelry, etc). The only employees are my mom and I and sometimes my sister. So last night on NYE I was at the booth selling when this man came up and was looking at our products, but he didn’t seem like he really wanted anything we had to offer. That’s when his wife came up and wished me a happy new year and looked interested in our product. At this point, the husband walked away from the booth to go sit down.
She seemed super nice at first, and told me about how her husband was disabled after having a stroke. I listened and tried my best to give her my support, it seemed like she just needed someone who would listen.
After she told me many details about her husband, she then went onto tell me how last time she was at this venue, they gave her husband a bunch of things for free. She then asked what she could get for free from us. I explained to her that everything we had was for sell, however we had some small items that are usually $6, but I could go $5 for her. She insisted that she would get something for free. I told her again that we couldn’t give things away, and I pointed to a booth that was giving away free gifts (NYE party hats, tiaras, and noise makers). She then laughed and said, “wow, maybe you should try being nicer in the new year.” To which I replied, “You think I’m being mean because I can’t give away things?” And she said “you just need to be nicer.” This took me by surprise because I thought I was being very patient with her and listening to her, so the fact that she thought I wasn’t being nice pushed a button in me. So I just responded to her by saying (in kind of a sassy manner), “Oh, I’m sorry you don’t think I’m nice. I will try being nicer for my resolution.” She scoffed at me and then walked away.
I felt bad for not giving her something free, but the venue checks our inventory and since it’s our personal business it would come directly out of pocket. It also seemed like she wanted something for free for herself because her husband wasn’t even around and didn’t seem interested in our accessories. It’s not like my mom and I are making millions off this company, we are struggling to pay rent and our bills, so we really can’t afford giving our product away to everyone who asks. So... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VXl2Mfv2j4dWX31dQbk43LcKEjsjzwGl | aibox7 | {
"description": "wearing a MAGA hat to work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for wearing a MAGA hat to work? | Full disclosure, this wasn't me this was a friend of mine, but I feel it would be a good addition to this sub. But for the sake of the sub I will write it as if it was me.
So I work for a tech company in Utah, and despite Utah being a red state the tech industry is still very liberal. So during lunch there are a group of people that I would have called friends would get into these political discussions. I tend avoid those because they all seem to agree with each others and I personally don't think fighting over politics at work to be a good idea. But recently (more accurately around the time of the Stoneman Douglas shooting) on 2 different occasions these guys have asked me a direct question. And since they were directly asked to me I couldn't just stay out of it. One was about abortion which I told them that I was actually pro-life. And the other was about guns where I told them I was pro-gun rights and not in favor of their suggestions.
In both cases I tried to stay calm and relaxed to avoid an actual argument and keep it a friendly debate but in both cases they got very testy with me and in the case of the abortion debate I admittedly got testy back because it is something I am passionate about.
After this, one of them sent an email to our boss trying to get me fired because I was creating a "toxic work environment".
Our boss took my side and said that they don't fire people based on political opinions.
So after this ordeal I went out and bought a MAGA hat (while I am conservative and agree with some of what he does, I am not someone that you would call a "Trump supporter"). And for one day I went to work wearing it. I didn't confront my coworkers, I didn't flaunt it in front of them, I simply wore it and went to work as professionally as I could possibly be. I did this as a silent protest against the people who tried to get me fired simply because I don't agree with them politically. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
wNGr6BBJ4d8Mvv1eOAiTy1n6CXxnPBKV | ak9ayu | {
"description": "not telling my boyfriend how sick I am",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not telling my boyfriend how sick I am? | My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, we don't live together. I am a nurse and he has a hospital phobia (romcom writers everywhere are salivating). He's had some terrible experiences having to do with hospitals that have jaded his views, and while they've mellowed out some since we've been together, he still gets panic attacks and gets very anxious about relatively small things (routine bloods, etc). I don't often talk to him about work as a result.
Anyway. This week during a routine check-up, I found out that I have a potentially dangerous condition. Caught it early (I don't even have any symptoms) but it could have resulted in a stroke. I've been in hospital over the past 2 days getting bloods, scans and lumbar punctures. I've told him the basics, that my doctor was a little concerned so I need some tests done, but I haven't gone into detail. I've got to be on regular meds and will have neurology check ups for the next few years but because I caught it so early, I'll be fine. I'm sore from all the tests and feeling sorry for myself but I'm well.
And now Reddit knows more than my boyfriend does. I kept it from him for the most part thinking that I'm doing us both a favour, but now I'm wondering if I should have told him? Am I an asshole for keeping this secret? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
qawfR3Kb9oOlOz7ytkOzCr63dUuaGCnK | 9xwtjs | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend because of her past",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend because of her past? | Maybe this is more appropriate for /r/relationships or /r/sex but whatever.
So i've been with my girlfriend for just over a year now, it's been by far the best relationship of my life in terms of being in love, stress free, sharing interests, sex life etc it's been a total unicorn relationship.
Anyway, I have only had two partners before her, both LTR. I'm personally against casual sex and drug use although i'm fine for other people to do it, it's just not the lifestyle i've ever wanted. She's said she agreed with me and that she had four partners before me and never used drugs. I'm sure you can see where this is going.
I found out that her and her previous boyfriend were poly and into a lot of crazy stuff, threesomes with both genders, using drugs, and obviously her partner count of both men and women was a lot higher than she said. Again, I have no problem with this lifestyle it's just not something I would want for myself or for the woman I marry.
I confronted her about this and eventually got the truth confirmed after a lot of evasiveness. She says all that poly/drug stuff before was what made her realize that she wanted the conventional monogamous marriage with loads of kids etc and a clean life just like me and only lied to me because she knew a man looking for that wouldn't want to marry a woman with her past.
That makes sense because i'm seriously thinking about breaking up with her over this, firstly because she lied to me for so long about stuff she knew was important to me, second because of insecurity. Like she's the best sex of my life but what if I rank only 20th or something for her? Could someone who lived that life be happy with the "square" life with me? And since she's apparently bisexual could she ever be happy without women? What if she's only using me as the "safe" man she settles down with and cheats on me? If I marry her will I end up regretting that I missed a huge red flag?
Those are questions for me to decide on, my question to all you is: WIBTA to throw away the best relationship of my life over this? Or is it fair for this to be a dealbreaker and i'm about to dodge a bullet? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
e7Bp6spRggxB9iFYnATGmaTzruPS05xe | axn5h9 | {
"description": "not wanting neither helping my brother getting a motorcycle",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting neither helping my brother getting a motorcycle | My brother (18Y) keep wanting a bike from my parents,
Everytime he speaks about it the talk is going pretty bad my brother keeps swearing at my parents and annoying while I (16Y) won't interrupt or join in.
A little bit of background my brother works 3-2 times a week in a fast food place to get money for the bike but he needs help from the parents financially, they on the other hand do not agree to pay a cent for his motorcycle because it's on there responsibility that he will crash and get several injuries.
He claims that he will get the motorcycle with or without the money and it's just badly effecting his studies.
Am I the asshole for not picking a side because I don't want him to get that motorcycle because it can be dangerous. But neither say something about it.
Big reason why I am so bothered is that my parents are always so mad because he makes them that mad so Everytime I talk or speak to them about anything I get shouts and screams.
Thanks for the help sorry if this story is boring i think it is.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6rGcblJyIk6j9uLqKqB8PNRbIaBirrXB | a5rpbk | {
"description": "not allowing my friend to stay with me so he can go to school",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I didn't allow my friend to stay with me so he can go to school. | Sorry for any formatting issues or grammar I'm on mobile and its 3 in the morning.
We are seniors in hs and his parents are leaving this weekend for the whole week. He currently lives about 40 minutes from school and does not have a car.
His mom is overprotective of him and babys him too much and is a hypochondriac with him (goes to doctor about once a week).
At first his mom was going to just make him miss a whole week of school which he was okay with even though all of his friends told him how bad of an idea this was with him already having 18 absentes (all but 1 excused with a doctor's note) but now he is realizing that it's not a great idea right at the end of the semester.
My parents and I offered in the beginning to let him stay the week with me and he declined. He messaged me today asking if we were still willing to. I told him yes but the only stipulation is that he can't bring anything for marijuana.
We both smoke weed often (me more casual than him) but my parents are very against it (also in legal state) and don't want to increase my risk getting caught by him carelessly smoking or leaving stuff out like he does at his house.
The real problem part is that I'm on new medication and want to make sure I know the effects and any possible problems they might have, so I'm taking a 2 week break from weed so I won't be smoking at all. No big deal for me but he regularly smokes 5Gs a day so I'm guessing this is going to be a problem for him.
After I told him about the stipulation I never got a response and I know he saw it and just didn't respond. Am I being unfair or selfish for making him stop when I do? It's been 4 hours since I texted him and keep just going back and forth. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uGhOkEVh3vNb6ffHLB9DHshguz9F0tQo | 9y63yz | {
"description": "wanting to hike Mt Kilimanjaro when I have a newborn",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for wanting to hike Mt Kilimanjaro when I have a newborn? | I have wanted to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro ever since I was a kid. My wife is 1 month pregnant and her EDD is sometime early July. I was invited to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro with a group of friends that I am very close with next September. Figuring this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I asked my wife if I could go.
Her parents are visiting in August and I suggested that her mother might be able to stay a few extra weeks to help watch the kids when I am gone (her mother stayed for around a month when our first child was born and I was out of state for work). I also offered her “IOU’s” for days (or half-days) when I can take over childcare duties completely to make up for days I would be out (I did this for our first child as well).
\*\*My thoughts were along the line: “this has been a life-long dream of mine and I can do whatever you want to make it up to you afterwards.”
Anyways, she said “no” and I told her I was okay with that and wouldn't go (I told her that’s okay and maybe I can hike with our son when he’s older one day instead). However, she is upset that the thought of asking would even cross my mind. AITA for asking?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
RZwd8Gfu9XbN1PND4Wu5FJuja2aFqKSi | adynp7 | {
"description": "calling my girlfriend hypocritical for staying friends with a guy who professed his undying love for her, after she stopped me from staying friends with a former fwb",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for calling my girlfriend hypocritical for staying friends with a guy who professed his undying love for her, after she stopped me from staying friends with a former FWB? | Sorry, this is a long one but some back context is necessary. I've been with my girlfriend coming up on 2 years - she's my first serious relationship (I'm 29, she's 30). However, in college I met a girl who became a sort of an on again/off again FWB. She was originally from the city I was in, but went to a different school across the country.
This girl and I met and had a main "fling" over one summer. We had fun, but realized pretty early on we weren't compatible for anything more serious. After that we maintained a sort of FWB situation. We remained friends, but hooked up very occasionally when she was in town (spread out by many months). Over the course of several years during/after school we hooked up a handful of times...but formed a pretty solid friendship, solidified by a similar taste in music, concerts, and music festivals. We had cycles of falling out of touch completely for months, and then catching up again. Eventually we grew distant enough that we decided we would stop hooking up completely and just stay platonic friends.
By the time I met my girlfriend, we were still in touch, but way more distant. She still lived across the country and we hadn't done anything sexual in years. Maybe once every month or so we'd have a very brief friendly catch-up convo via snapchat. Usually this started by one of us commenting on the other's post about our shared musical interests. Followed by "hey, hows life?...hows grad school?...what shows have you seen lately?" etc. All very platonic, never anything flirty.
I voluntarily told my girlfriend about my past history with this friend very early on. I didn't HAVE to tell her, but she inquired, and I didnt' hesitate to be fully honest as I didn't feel I had anything to hide. I was also fully honest that I still had very brief convos with her every month or two - making it very clear that we were just friends now with no romantic feelings.
However, my girlfriend made it pretty clear she wasn't comfortable with this at all. She didn't get the "FWB" thing, and didn't understand how we could have a sexual history if it wasn't romantic. She told me she thought talking even once every month or two was too much, and I should just cut her out of my life completely.
While I empathized with my girlfriend, at first I dug my heels in because I didn't like the idea of my her dictating my friendships. But as time went on, I pretty much stopped initiating messages with my friend. She'd still reach out to me every several months...still very short platonic convos about music, her grad school progress, or happily inquiring about my relationship...to which I'd respond briefly.
Over the course of our relationship, any time this friend's name somehow came up, up or my girlfriend brought it up, my gf would get really upset. Despite me telling her we barely spoke anymore, shed grill me with a lot of questions, trying to draw out new information about my past with her. She'd reiterate how much she hates that this girl exists. It often sparked big arguments. She couldn't really cope with hearing anything about my sexual past...and didn't get the idea that we could be just friends even though we had hooked up.
I mostly stopped trying to convince her of my point. But theres been a couple big arguments sparked over this relatively recently:
**Argument 1)** Several months ago my friend messaged me out of the blue asking if I'd be going to an event she thought I might be (a multi day camping festival). I tell her I actually was going with my girlfriend. She said she was going too, and was really excited to see me and also to finally get to meet my girlfriend. Not wanting to make my girlfriend look crazy jealous by telling my friend flat out she wouldn't want to meet her... I just subtly informed her that my girlfriend knew about our history. She got the hint. My girlfriend arrived to the event a day after me. That first day, I ran into my friend at the stage, and we had a quick 10 minute chat before parting ways. When my girlfriend arrived the next day, I told her that my friend was there and we'd run into each other. My girlfriend completely freaked out about the fact I'd seen her, grilling me with questions, and saying there was no way in hell she wanted to meet this girl. She spent the rest of the time paranoid we'd run into her.
**Argument 2)** Back in the summer we we're visiting my dad's house and I picked up some mail that had been sent there. Along with the mail is a Happy Birthday card from my friend. It basically said "Sorry I forgot to say Happy Birthday this year. Glad we've managed to stay friends this long. I really hope you and your girlfriend are doing well...hope I can meet her some day." Signed with a heart and smiley face. I thought it was a nice gesture...as we had usually exchanged happy birthdays. I saw it as her trying to keep the fading friendship going. But since my girlfriend freaked out and we had an argument every time this girl's name was even mentioned, I decided it was best for everyone's sake not to tell her about the card.
Well, a couple months later my girlfriend found the birthday card. I thought I'd thrown it out with a stack of papers in my bag, but I guess I missed it. She had a full blown meltdown. Threatening to end things...why did I have it? Why did she send it? Why was I saving it?. We had a big argument about it. Me insisting the card was totally platonic.
Thats just 2 recent ones. There were others along this line in the past...which is why I kept any mention of this friend to a bare minimum and more or less cut contact. During these arguments I'd assert she was never an actual ex, it was possible to have sex just for fun, and to remain friends with someone despite hooking up. I'd remind her I barely spoke to this girl anymore, and was honest about her existence from the beginning. My girlfriend didn't care...and basically said she'll never change her mind on being uncomfortable with it.
**TL;DR** My girlfriend isn't cool with the fact that I stayed sort of friends with a former FWB. She asked me to cut off contact with her, and gets really upset any time her name comes up. She doesn't see it as possible for 2 people who once hooked up to just be friends. Keep in mind, me and this girl cared about each other as friends, but never professed love for each other or anything like that.
________________________________________________________________________________
Here's the hypocrisy I see.
My girlfriend is from a different country. Pretty early on in our relationship, she told me that maybe a year or 2 before we met, one of her best guy friends at home very dramatically surprised her by professing his love to her. She's known him since 16 years old. He pulled her aside, and basically told her that he loved her, and would be willing to leave his current girlfriend for her if she wanted him back. She didn't reciprocate feelings and apparently distanced herself from the friendship with him after that...but then they later rekindled it to some degree. He's now marrying the girlfriend he said he'd leave for my girlfriend (who never knew about his secret love).
My girlfriend assures me he must be over his feelings for her, because he's happily marrying his fiance. Last time my gf was home, she even hung out with this friend and his fiance. She says she thinks its weird that the fiance doesn't know, but otherwise doesn't see anything wrong with their friendship. They even invited us to her wedding. I questioned if it was a good idea...but agreed to go if she wanted despite it feeling a little awkward.
To be clear. I don't actually care about her friendship with this guy. I've never dug into my girlfriend's sexual or romantic past. I've never shamed or for anything, and trust her fully. I get we're both adults and had many other people in our lives. This dude is not a threat to our relationship....and I would never force her to end a friendship. But she seems to have a dual standard here she refuses to admit to.
During our recent arguments about my FWB, and during the discussion about the wedding...I have brought up the hypocrisy in the fact she thinks its fine for her to stay friends with and attend the wedding of guy who fairly recently professed his love to her, but shes not okay with me talking to my former FWB every few months, or receiving a birthday card from her. I've also reminded her I've never told her she couldn't be friends with him, despite the fact that many boyfriends wouldn't be cool with it.
I asked her how she'd feel if I forbid her from attending the wedding, or if I told her she couldn't stay friends with him anymore. She told me I had no right to tell her that, and she'd break up with me if I forced her to choose. She asserts the situations are in no way related. Because she only talks to him once every 6 months or so, they never actually hooked up, and he's getting married...its apparently not even relevant at all. She reminds me that his feelings for her must have gone away. But since me and this girl had hooked up in the past, and talk every 3 months, she claims its not possible for us to not have lingering feelings . I try to point out how hypocritical this is, but she digs her heels in
I know for a fact that if I told her one of my girl friends once professed their love to me, she would absolutely not be cool with us remaining friends. In fact she'd probably break up with me if I tried.
She still asserts I'm the bad guy here for even entertaining the idea of keeping my friendship.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
zp7o4UkiitIO7RiyqSVwteAg4lV9Utqp | b5jjh5 | {
"description": "going off on my now ex-girlfriend after she lied about the reason we broke up",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for going off on my now ex-girlfriend after she lied about the reason we broke up? | For some context, me and my girlfriend had went out for five months, pretty stable all through out. Three weeks ago she started getting really distant, so I figured 'no biggie, she wants space' so those three weeks pass until yesterday. She told me she had been feeling 'depressed' for the last two weeks and wanted a break from all social media, I mean, no big deal, right? Wrong. She lied to me and immediately went to twitter and retweeted a give away post, I got angry so I confront her about it and she plays the victim card, and I felt bad, so I backed off. Until today.
​
Today she breaks up with me out of the blue, saying she can't do it any more and she's too stressed, but still loved me and wanted to be friends. I agree, considering I didn't know any better and I'm not the type of guy to immediately give up on somebody even though the romance failed.
​
But then she posts on twitter about her crush, I'm pissed, but this is where I put my foot down. I cut all contact with her, all social media, etc. With a few angry choice words before I do though. Now I'm contemplating on whether or not I'm in the wrong.
​
So, am I the asshole?
​
First time posting here, tell me if I need to edit anything to make this more clear. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
GZ8SW3fmGIOnhqVMZPlZsCz7KcIW0MT7 | b3p3sx | {
"description": "cancelling a meetup with my boyfriend and then refusing to return his things the next day",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for cancelling a meetup with my boyfriend and then refusing to return his things the next day. | So I (M23) have been dating this guy (M27) for about 6 months, I'm really committed to him as this is the first serious relationship I have ever been in. Around 3 days ago, I and a few of my classmates decided to go grab lunch at a shopping complex a few minutes away from school. This complex is very close to where my boyfriend goes to school, so naturally I texted him and told him that we would be having lunch near his school and he's welcome to join us. He responded in the affirmative, this was at around 1:15 pm. We get lunch and start eating and at around 1:40, I realise that it's getting late, so I text him telling him that I have to be back in class at around 2:00 pm. He responds, "OK". We continue eating and at around 2:00 pm I call him and tell him that are leaving, he responds with a casual "OK". So I go on my merry-way back to class. That evening as I'm texting him I notice that he's being very blunt and snippy. This continues up to the next morning. The next day we meet a friend, and he's (the bf) is acting normal, but I can tell something's still wrong, although I have no clue what it is. Anyway at some point in the night I force it out of him and he tells me that he had come all the way to the cafe only to get a call when he arrived that we had left. He says that he is extremely pissed off. I admit that I know this is a touchy area for him as he really doesn't like his "time being wasted" but still, AITA here?
But wait, there's more. As the night goes on he keeps taking silent but hurtful jabs at me in conversation. However I tolerate this, as I know that when he's mad his mouth grows a mind of its own and he "can't remember" all that he said after he's cooled down. I was willing to let this all slide until he asked me to drive him to get his new bike from the mechanic. I was a bit apprehensive to do so as I was driving my dad's car and wanted to conserve fuel, but I agreed to it because I love him. As we leave I ask for the directions. Getting to the mechanics’ is fairly simple however I am not great at directions. That said, and him being aware of this, everytime I ask him for directions I get a bunch of snide comments questioning my intelligence and it gets pretty hurtful. This day was no different unfortunately and I was seething by the time we finally arrived. He then asks me to drive behind him all the way back to his house as he's not confident on the road, I tell him that this was not part of the plan but he insists. I angrily go along with it knowing that I've more than doubled my journey home because he looks extremely unstable on the bike. When I get home he calls to tell me that I have a lot of his stuff in my car, like his phone charger and laptop which he needs for school. He asks how he's going to get them back and I tell him that he'll get them when he gets them (I'll send them tomorrow). He then asks me why I'm pissed off and I tell him it's nothing and hang up the phone. So yet again I ask you, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Rh9ls1d26HQcIDanHXo1ZCkvuYjXmRI1 | a7fgxs | {
"description": "just wanting to sleep",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA: For just wanting to sleep | So my husband and I aren’t speaking right now. He is mad because most of the time in the middle of the night/early morning (11pm-4am) he gets...gropey and I tell him to staaahhhhp because sleep is life. He doesn’t even want the sex, just to feel me up. I’m exhausted. We have a good sex life so it’s not anything in relation to that. Just he wakes up and remembers there are boobs next to him.
I know that during the day I have contact with the kids etc and his only chance to have contact with anyone is me. And I try to be considerate of that but I’m also not an object there for his convenience.
So reddit, am I the asshole for loving sleep more than 4am boob squeezes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I2ffaaso1ilcFQWUodBpu5dy7vubMFrw | 9y202b | {
"description": "refusing to clean my hair out after I shower in a shared apartment",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 85
} | AITA for refusing to clean my hair out after I shower in a shared apartment? | My roommate always complains, but she showers right after I do and always cleans the hair out, so it seems like a waste of time and paper towels for me to do so 10 minutes before she does. I've offered to shower after her so I can clean both of our hair out, but she always wants to shower late in the night for some reason. I don't think it's a big deal, it's just hair!! It being there isn't going to make you less clean somehow. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 85,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 85
} | WRONG |
WeguSqU2wBmUgUfNeH4AgHVegcZVqvBD | als5pt | {
"description": "looking a gift horse in the mouth",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for looking a gift horse in the mouth? | Throw away account, sorry I’m on mobile.
So this happened sometime ago, during Christmas. My husband and I are not well off. We both came together at a point in our lives So this happened sometime ago, during Christmas. My husband and I are not well off. We both came together at a point in our lives where we had nothing or very little, but we were full of love and acceptance. We have gotten help from friends and family for things like an old couch that no one wants and is quite frankly uncomfortable. We accepted a used mattress because it was literally all we could get. I’m not kidding you, people came together to help us with so much, but a lot of stuff was just old, broken unwanted things that we could make do with. Silverware, nightstands, cups, clothes, you name it! We graciously accepted whatever we could in those first few months so that we didn’t have to sit, sleep, and eat off the floor.
Fast forward a few years and yeah, we’re still poor but hey! We make do, save money to buy what we can (we got a new mattress!!) and live with what we have (still have the awful couch). We know what we NEED and we know what we want, and we make it very clear that we don’t want frivolous expenditures as gifts when that money could be better spent. Obviously we are always grateful for gifts, like my husband was given a google pixel xl from his brother (who at the time was extremely well to do) some 2 years ago after his current phone died that he still uses. My MIL upgraded her phone and let me have her old one, just in time since my previous phone screen SHATTERED. What I’m trying to say is I never ask for anything that would not help our situation and don’t go asking for support unless we are in dire straits. Much of the time, people ask us if we could use an item that they no longer want which can be extremely helpful. We make miracles happen and pull through.
SO! Christmas! We get little for each other since we’re often strapped for cash, and do what we can for family and friends. Sometimes it’s just a card with a lotto ticket. Sometimes we make food and gift that. Once my husband made personal drawn cards for our friends and they loved it. We always let people know that we don’t expect gifts, especially because we can’t afford to give back every time. One year his brother goes on a last minute spending spree and gets everyone something pricey. It was wonderful seeing their mother enjoy her beautiful present, and although the nieces and nephews weren’t there that year I’m sure they loved theirs as well. BIL then brings ours, which looks like a tv. Now, we already have a tv. It’s by no means huge, I think it’s maybe 38, 42 inches and it’s either plasma or lcd (whatever, it’s thin ok?). But this tv works great, just peachy keen. We got this one technically from BIL because he had given it to their father, who then passed away. So he let us have it since he had a 50 inch smart tv and had no use.
Cue me looking at this new smart tv, same size, same thickness, same everything except it’s smart I guess. This tv was expensive, needlessly so, and he grabbed it as a last thought not as a planned gift. I awkwardly laugh and say “But we already have a tv?” and of course “Thank you!”, and “It’s really cool, I’m just not sure what to do with it” which is true, what do you need two TVs for? Yes, I know that some people have one in their bedroom but that’s not gonna happen since A: no plug outlet for it in there B: I don’t watch tv in bed and I don’t wanna start C: we don’t even have cable, we just watch a few movies here and there using the computer we hook up. There are some awkward laughs and some awkward thank you’s. Leaving the house and coming home I start in about how husband’s brother is bad with money so often. How he could have used that money for anything else, not even just for us but for himself. I get beggy-choosey (I know that’s what it is, no delusions there) about how if he really wanted to spend that much on a gift for us BIL could have asked what we needed. I’d say a couch, or husbands glasses, or if he’d offered, a bed frame since we actually still don’t have a real one. These hypothetical gift ideas don’t matter to me, I’m just upset at this much money being thrown at nothing.
Husband say something to MIL, like how we don’t know what to do but sell the old tv so we don’t have an extra for no reason. MIL decides to talk to BIL (without us knowing, this was NOT our idea) into returning the tv and just giving us the money. He is vehemently against this, which although I never wanted him to do this it rubs me the wrong way. We tell MIL don’t worry about it, we’re sorry we said anything, tell BIL the same. Months go by and before I get to selling it a friend says they need one (that’s a whole other story) so I let them have it for free in a pay it forward manner. We use the smart tv, which has admittedly a better picture but is abysmally slow to turn on, and for some reason won’t connect to anything anyway. Whatever, it’s still a tv.
What I want to know is, was I the asshole for being practical and realistic during Christmas? Everyone knows our situation and knows I don’t want to be read as entitled just because of unnecessary spending. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
EZxvL7WdWbBH3vD7qjspSLHrlCgzAVC0 | au3s2u | {
"description": "taking somebody this seriously",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for taking somebody this seriously | So I roleplay on roblox a lot -- yeah yeah, get your cringes out now -- and I was on a Steven Universe Homeworld roleplay game. It's a relatively serious game, so it's not a fun lighthearted roleplay. People play as noncanon gems in this game, which adds to its seriousness in a strange way.
Anyways, I was roleplaying. I was a Sapphire who was watching a trial. Sapphires in Steven Universe are aristocratic, high ranking gems. There's a row of seats in the courtroom, and the front row is for high ranking gems, so I was sitting there. A Violane, one of the dancers from the ball episode [the creator decided to make her Not A Jade], decided to just sit on my character, completely obscuring her from view. I got a guard to escort her and she reset. Keep in mind that, in retrospect, this was all out character because she wasn't responding, and she wasn't AFK because it took a minute or so between her sitting and her resetting, but this next part isn't out of character.
She reset, as stated, and came back to be another Sapphire. She shoved me off of the seat. This wouldn't have gotten me so heated because it's RP and characters are allowed to have different personalities, but she did this with Violane. I understandably [in my head, at least] got pissed off and started telling her that she did this as Violane as well so it couldn't have been just rp, despite her insisting it was. Eventually she just sat somewhere else and I calmed down. I ended up leaving because I was s00per tired.
So, lads, am I the asshole for doing this? I can try to provide more details if needed, but I think I was pretty thorough. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
wp20cKakpzgaLMfKIujiWKvfhuYHUpsF | a22ws4 | {
"description": "cutting off an ignorant friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting off an ignorant friend? | Okay, story starts a year ago. Both friend in question - Ann and I move into our college dorms. We meet on the first day since we were on the same floor and hit it off really well. Initially, we'd share stories about highschool and talk about light-hearted stuff so everything was cool. She told me that she was lonely in her senior year since two of her friends became closer and kinda left her out of stuff and so she was determined to socialize in college. I told her I was deciding to start afresh and thus don't talk to my friends from school anymore (nothing bad happened). First few weeks everything's great.
However, a few weeks later I noticed that she was extremely judgemental and snobby. She would constantly speak about other people's physical appearance, clothes, style, accents, religion, etc. And it would really bother me because I'm pretty open-minded and liberal when it comes to people's choices. However, I let it slide. I didn't really say anything to her because I'm don't have a confrontational nature and didn't want to start an argument.
Around a month later, a girl from the same city as her (they don't know each other) gets admitted to our college, I decided to introduce myself to her. We both went to her room and talked for a while. When we left, Ann starts rambling about her; nitpicking every detail and I'm just done with her at this point so I leave. A week later, I'm helping out this new girl with some coursework she missed out on when Ann takes me over to a side and tells me, "why do you have to help her? You're not her mother!" So now I'm pissed because you do not tell me what to do, I like to help people out and that should not be the problem. I storm off and we don't talk for a week. She comes me to one day and apologizes and says that the reason for her outburst was that she's scared that I'd leave her for the new girl (which tbh I was never planning to do). I tell her that was not my intention and we patch things up.
A month later we get into another altercation - we had a presentation (group work), I was sleeping all day and she apparently knocked on my door which I didn't hear obviously - so she didn't talk to the other members about it. When I discover none of them worked on the presentation, I had to stay up all night to create it and work on everyone's parts. After this argument, we didn't talk for a while and that's when our relationship started to strain. We started to see each other less often. So at this point I thought perhaps she's done with me or maybe she's found someone else to befriend so I don't bother talking to her. Meanwhile, the new girl and I become close (completely coincidentally) - we have similar personality types and she doesn't backstab people :) - so i'm thinking everything's chill.
But it was too good to be true, a few months later I discover that Ann's been backstabbing me to her other friends and calling me a snake and all sorts of names, and went as far as to getting her parents to call my parents and tell them that your daughter isn't quite alright and she needs to visit a psychologist and that she cut off contact with her school friends because she's messed up in the head. I was **gobsmacked**, we were both 18 and it was beyond my comprehension how she could just go out there and ask her parents to talk to mine. This is none of their business. So after this, I just decide to cut her off completely - only to find out she's blocked me on Instagram. I delete her off of my Facebook and Snapchat and just don't talk to or about her anymore.
Sorry this is so long but I want to know if what I did was wrong, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2phd2ihl4zYksPBOiF4FQkhVmB5nJyJU | b5dihj | {
"description": "covering the cameras at home while my mother is in Thailand",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for covering the cameras at home while my mother is in Thailand? | I know I probably the asshole here but I need to hear it from others If i am (i can be biased). My grandfather died a week ago while my mom was traveling for work. My mom immediately made a trip back to a Thailand to mourn and take care of my grandmother, who has severe memory issues. Although I didn’t do anything “bad” while the cameras were covered, I feel as though I was selfish to do so. Due to her traveling, I finally felt like I had personal space. She usually searches my trash (doesn’t find anything, i dont do drugs), searches my room, reads all my texts, and tries to listen in on my phone calls. She tracks my phone, needs to know where i am 24/7, and has cameras in the house to know when i get home, what i do in the house while she is gone, and when i sleep or eat. Hell, when I held hands and cuddled with a guy i was interested in, she called me a slut, whore, etc. I felt strangely...free While she’s gone? I felt much happier overall, other than the fact that I was worried sick for my grandmother. My actions, I feel, prove the opposite (I let myself have personal freedom for 2\~ weeks and in turn, made my mother angry). Am I an asshole for not feeling bad about making her angry while she grieves over her father? She did not want to visit her mother again this year due to fear of her mother invading her privacy, and so. I feel no sympathy due to her lack of empathy. Maybe I’m the one lacking empathy here. Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Vaz0iAzVvjssF2pa8P1jP76trY8gh8zb | b8ssd6 | {
"description": "not wanting a close family friend to have my baby bird",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting a close family friend to have my baby bird? | First post and ya. Also on phone.
So I basically have 2 budgies which have gave birth to 3 little budgies and IM IN LOVE WITH THEM me and my brothers decided to name 1 each. I called the oldest one Blast, my brother Susan and last one stare (idk that's my lil bro) my dad then said that we will give one of the birds to a close friend (that has a kid) I didnt want to give my bird so did my lil bro but my older bro said it's ok to give his bird. Ok I know it's his bird but I was the one that fed the birds and cleans up changed their water gave them fruits etc and now I've grown attached I dont want to give away any of the birds.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z3LoaJrKnK0QSSeeyNdBJbyX8fybYo0s | aklwvd | {
"description": "being hurt at my mother's threats, and doing what I did",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being hurt at my mother's threats, and doing what i did? |
English is my third language, so apologies for any forthcoming mistakes, and feel free to correct me.
So a little back story, this summer my gramps had a knot in his digestive system and he had to be in the ICU (and still is) but his situation is going better, they're both old (over 75) and because of their health it isn't looking like they will return to Denmark. Along with that, two months ago or something, their house was overflown with water because of a waterpipe exploding in their apartment. (Edit: My grandparents are sadly both in Turkey, while i am in Denmark.)
Yesterday, i returned from a trip to Hamburg, and i had been sitting in a car for 6h, and at home my girlfriend was waiting me. Every time we go into my room, my mother gets pissy for not spending time with my family and she calls us *"Rabbits"* (Implying that we snuggle and have sex all the time) and i've voiced my disliking to that word, and she just said she thinks it's funny and found a way to justify her using the term.
I get embarrassed and uncomfortable when sitting in my room with my girlfriend when she acts like this, therefore i said that we were going for a walk, and we *did,* but we also went to my grandmothers' house to sit and chill in peace.
So we stay there for some time, kissing and snuggling, just like *rabbits.* she writes to me about 10 minutes after and says "*If you're planning on going to my mothers' house, you better forget it now, AND I MEAN NOW"*
My phone was on silent, so i see the message an hour later, when i saw the message, i wrote "*Sorry mum, my phone was on silent, we're coming home.*"
When we come home, i see anger on her face, fair nuff, i send my girlfriend home, sit in the living room and ask her;
"*Anything you wanna get off your chest?"*
And she goes on a rant where summed up she says;
"*You will never enter my mothers' house again, you hear me? I am* ***THIS*** *(puts two fingers close to each other) close to losing ALL of my respect to you, you hear me? This can go all the way where i* ***DISOWN*** *you."*
She said more hurtful, but less important things. Little note, she doesn't even know what went on at grannies. My girlfriend and i aren't the type to mess a whole place up and make it dirty and all, everything was tidy and clean as it were.
Something else that might be of importance is to state, that *I* have always been a loving and caring son, my mother has several forms of chronic diseases which render her unable to do physical work (be it Arthritis in her joints or Osteoporosis in her back, she has it all.) I have always helped her with everything without sighing once, and just a week prior she was always boasting about how lovely a son i am, she would kiss and hug me saying that i am the pride of her live and that she loves me to hell and back. I have never done something in the past that has released such a magnitude of anger in my mother.
Now you be the verdict.
# Am i the Asshole for spending time with my girlfriend at my grandmothers', and also for being hurt at what my mother said?
This has been eating me up since yesterday, and i'd love some advice.
(I deleted the earlier post because i couldn't change the title, thought i was unfitting) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
apHOJlU18Mop9XdRlgDIVjGDOEmPn5VS | acxwhj | {
"description": "partway pulling into a parking spot when the car adjacent had its passenger door open",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for partway pulling into a parking spot when the car adjacent had its passenger door open? | I'm not sure if maybe I missed out on unspoken parking lot etiquette, but basically this happened to me and my friend near christmasttime and the parking lot was absolutely full.
After driving around a while, we finally managed to find a spot. We noticed the car adjacent had its passenger door open into the spot we wanted, so we pulled into the spot partway to "claim" it and waited, but suddenly the driver and their passenger became agitated, glaring at us, and when my friend rolled down the window to hear what they were saying, they were shouting "you don't pull in when the doors are open!" and then started hurling insults, calling us "ugly" (lol at the time I thought that was a weird choice of insult), and we just yelled back for them to fuck off.
I was slightly taken aback, I mean we had pulled in from the other direction so we weren't blocking their car from leaving and they had more than enough room to get on the car as well.
They were loading the trunk at the time, and I did not see a child.
I mean, I'm thinking maybe we scared them and they thought we were going to ram their passenger door shut? We were in a larger car, but at the same time I thought it was rude that they were essentially blocking a perfectly good spot with their open doors.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
v1yp60PdkQ4VPVvu9qcK4zLMPvaYah0t | av6pyl | {
"description": "telling off coworkers at work after they equated menstrual cramps to my illness",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling off coworkers at work after they equated menstrual cramps to my illness? | I 26M have Crohn's disease and work in graphics. My boss is great. She lets me work from home when I'm sick and has been very sympathetic sticking up for me.
One day I was a mess and in a lot of pain. My boss sent me home and offered the option of working from home for the next 2 days until I get better. I like working from home as it's flexible and washroom is nearby.
​
When I returned 2 days later, two women said "welcome back" when asking where I went. I don't hide I have Crohn's Disease and they were aware. I told them I had abdominal pain and worked from home. Their reply
"now you know what it's like to get menstrual cramps".
​
I was admittedly offended and replied
"Yes, you know what it's like to have Crohn's disease since you're a woman".
​
Their reaction was silence but non-verbally they felt awkward. I am still very ambivalent about my response. I felt they were taking a jab at my illness when it wasn't their place. However , I feel like an asshole for two reasons.
1) I overreacted to a possible joke
2) I engaged in the victim olympics game that never serves me well.
​
What do you think? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
1d9ljlxHGNWwXr0yxnDZe6XNp1gCvYAN | ba9i6g | {
"description": "giving away my ps4 which had a save me and my friend worked hard on",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving away my ps4 which had a save me and my friend worked hard on. | Basically i used to play Minecraft allot on my ps4 and had this particular world that we spent around 30 hours on once i bought a nice gaming pc for around £850 I’m an asshole for giving my ps4 which I wasn’t going to use to my sister who really wanted one | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ly8YqWqJ0xyeTIUwPdnqsb8AAtUTJvuq | aeh3z4 | {
"description": "not being happy with a surprise birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being happy with a surprise birthday party? | So I turned 18 the last week and well, instead of a small party like I hoped (and asked) for every person in the family showed up. I enjoyed seeing them but really would have enjoyed a much smaller party. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JzgUHRDb740GyKzUmJyH1SNn6TmimThd | aiaa7e | {
"description": "catching my so watching porn in the early morning and going through his phone when he finally went to bed",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for catching my SO watching porn in the early morning and going through his phone when he finally went to bed? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG | |
u8gnO5keJKqaXPZcEd9avd4NWy1vC4cN | ablss6 | {
"description": "going to a party when my friends didn't want my girlfriend to come",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for going to a party when my friends didn’t want my girlfriend to come? | For NYE I went to a friends house for a party with three of my friends. They didn’t want my girlfriend to come. Was I an asshole for going? I haven’t seen these friends in months, so I wanted to reconnect with them, but my then-girlfriend got pissed at me for going and broke up with me so I’m wondering if I’m an asshole here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
UB0o9BhcJbSpn6NBXFo1H3y3x7UTgr5Y | asteiy | {
"description": "telling guys that I become friends with that I have ptsd",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling guys that I become friends with that I have ptsd. | so when I become friends with a guy I will mention that I have ptsd, this is because I can flinch when guys go to touch me.
because of this I feel it helps them understand that if I flinch it's not there fault or if I panic it's got nothing to do with them.
I never go into detail i just say that I have ptsd and if I flinch it's not your fault.
one of my friends found out I did this and now thinks I'm doing it for attention and just to be a asshole.
am I? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
f8JFvzBmPEMZZ58OlKLTObak7kJehr41 | anmntp | {
"description": "not giving my mom more time to process my sister coming out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving my Mom more time to process my sister coming out? |
Throwaway account, fake names, kind of a long post. If you’re someone I know irl please have integrity and don’t read, thanks
So my (f18) sister (f15) has been out as a lesbian to me and most of her friends/teachers/peers etc. for a little over a year now, but she’s always been afraid to say anything to our mom (f58) because once my mother, while half asleep, turned off Grey’s Anatomy saying that she didn’t want to watch “gross lesbians.” However, we both figured that my mom was just like any other 50+ catholic raised progressive: full of internal prejudice but slowly unlearning old habits and trying to do the right thing. Other than the one Grey’s incident she had always taught us to love and respect everyone no matter what.
So a few weeks ago my sister texted me while I was at school, saying she was at home with my parents coming out, and that my mom was bawling, saying that “every aspect of hope and joy in her life is now forever tinged with sadness,” asking what she did wrong, why she was being punished, begging to know which of her friends were also gay so she could ban them from the house, that it’s gross, that she was so embarrassed, that she doesn’t support gay rights, doesn’t think they should get married and never has, telling her she has to get over this phase, and forbidding my sister to have sleepovers ever again (I, a straight girl, am allowed to sleepovers with boys as long as it’s a group and i’m not dating them). This lasted several hours. I was shocked and appalled.
My mother didn’t speak to either one of us for two days, and when she did talk to me she sat me down while my sister was out of the house. We had a long talk (a real talk, no screaming, only mildly raised voices) where both of my parents basically told me that my sister was too young too even know what attraction was, so how could she possibly know she was gay? That they would feel this way if she was dating a boy at this age (I dated a boy sophomore year and they were fine, they also asked me numerous times before this to set her up with my male friends). She said I was too young and too naive, too stuck in my “cliche of teenagers” to understand an adult’s point of view, and too young understand that parents, teachers, employers, and landlords were now looking at her negatively and she (and subsequently, my parents) would struggle for the rest of her life. She said she was so disappointed in my generation, and how we pretended to be gay to be cool without realizing lasting consequences. She said she “supported some gays, but not all of them” so asked her where she drew the line. She said “You can’t trick me, [myname]! I have a brain, ok!”
I then brought up the things that my sister had told me my mom said when my sister first came out and my mom denied it all, saying that my sister probably felt that way since they were so upset. My mother has a habit of gaslighting that I will get to later. Mom then said that under no circumstances was I allowed to tell my sister that we talked, and asked me to try and be the adult in this situation and understand what it was like for her. I’ve tried but I am really struggling.
It’s been several weeks and I found out from my sisters friends that my mom additionally called the parents of my sisters friend, bawling and asking them what she did wrong, if they knew, and asking what they thought about it. All of them knew and none of them cared but were forced into very long phone conversation while my mom searched for validation.
My mom and I have always fought a lot, and she never seems to remember the incident. I’ve been called lazy, stupid, arrogant, selfish, bratty, irresponsible, unhealthy, etc. She’s dumped all my clothes on the floor and made me clean it up because I wasn’t wearing the shorts she wanted. She threw a hairbrush at a locked door I was crying behind. She told me I would die of a heart attack in my twenties because I wasn’t taking good enough care of myself. I wasn’t allowed to cry if I didn’t make a musical since I wasn’t trying hard enough anyways. I am a compulsive liar if I bring this up to her or anyone, so I am not allowed to. She and I don’t have a good relationship, whether it’s teenage angst or not. I know this, so I am trying to be unbiased when it comes to this situation with my sister. Am I the asshole for not giving her more time to process? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kdMcyJAcO9IbGwl4OnSL66KFgRtpxFsL | 9we6a2 | {
"description": "blocking a girl who I dated a couple weeks ago, because she said that she was going to overdose",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for blocking a girl who I dated a couple weeks ago, because she said that she was going to overdose. | I recently dated a girl and it didn't really work out. This was mainly because we lived particularly far away from eachother and she was not mature enough for me. When I explained this she didn't take it well and said she was going to cut herself. I then tried to stop her saying I still want to help her. She then kept messaging me saying that she still wanted to go out. I then said that I wanted to distance myself for her sake. Just recently she sent me a picture of pills saying "do you think this is enough to kill me". I couldn't deal with all this drama so I blocked her. Should I have done this. I don't know what to do. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EZBIp55SDvKZ7fPfiiBcM6r4sVbaGAe5 | aqaain | {
"description": "not removing beer mugs from my wedding registry",
"pronormative_score": 61,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For not removing beer mugs from my wedding registry? | Hello all!
I (F, 22) Finally made a wedding registry to put on our website (yay!) and mailed it out about two weeks ago. A week ago, my fiancé’s mom says that her church has offered to host a bridal party and tells me to stay clear of plans on that date. I don’t even go to this church or know these people so I think it’s kind of weird, and she told me to have my (male) fiancé come so part of me says it’s to show off her son (who doesn’t go to that church either, just the mom does).
Anyway fast forward to a few days ago, the mom calls and asks us to please remove the beer mugs from our registry because that church of Christ “doesn’t drink”? (Is this true?)
AITA for telling her no? I feel like 1) it’s our registry, 2) I am not the one that set this up with that church. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 57,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 61,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
y9lpmz9hzhJNaEDTBP37P2IfMMkr6Bxi | au42hr | {
"description": "ghosting my ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ghosting my ex? | On mobile so sorry for formatting and I’ll try to make it as brief as I can.
So I broke with my ex about 2 weeks ago after the situation of our relationship started to affect me at work, school, and just in general as she would always turn any problems we had and try to pin it on me somehow, which in turn would make me feel horrible or feel as if I was in the wrong. After I ended it we were still on good terms I thought with all things considered and I thought we were friends and all was good.
A Couple days later she wanted to hang out and talk which is a mistake on my part for even agreeing to it so soon in hindsight. I go over we talk and chat and everything seemed fine just normal how you’ve been, whatcha up to that sort of stuff and then she springs up if we can talk about us where I said there’s nothing to talk about and proceeded to leave as she started to yell and get angry at me for not being “a real man”.
After that I blocked her and her sorority sisters from everything and deleted my socials as they kept harassing me and to keep it short calling me colorful names for breaking her heart. Last I’ve heard was when they harassed my sister that she’s been drinking heavily and is starting to fall behind in school because of what I did to her. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
V9A8q8Rn4BdvLF4Rai9Xa5BnKkyGWszV | afbpqi | {
"description": "getting banned from a Discord server for *starting a riot",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA Getting banned from a Discord server for *starting a riot* | Alright so this might be a bit confusing to read but that's because I'm confused as to what happened to me, this all took place over the course of two weeks but mostly in the last two days. It all started with a girl, let us call her Dee, Now Dee has had a pretty shitty life, without giving away too much personal information it is safe to say that she has been abused by her parents, her uncle died while taking good care of her, her mother is schizophrenic and chances are Dee will be in the future. right now her only living relative is her mother who she is forced to live with because she can't leave, because her mother forces her to pay for all the food and other things so she can't save to get an apartment. and recently she learned that she and her mother may be getting kicked out of the house. there are other aspects but again I am trying to respect her privacy. Just keep in mind she is pretty stressed. now I joined her server a few months ago and made some close friends on it all was well until at some point she started saying that I've been an asshole recently. Now on the server, we all give each other shit but we all knew it was in jest, like "what's up cunts" that sorta vibe. anyway whenever she said this and I ask her "how have i been an asshole?" she could never give me an answer, it was always "I can't think of something off the top of my head" and while at first, I took this in stride because I just thought she was joking, after a while it really started getting to me she I brought it up but again she just called me an asshole. so I started distancing myself from her, not consciously just I didn't go and talk to her as much as I did other people. And also we still talked and had fun together but mostly in groups so it's not like our relationship was purely her called me an asshole, we were still friends. Now as we become more and more distant she used that as evidence to justify her called me an asshole. At this point, I was pretty fed up with her and along with her other annoying behaviors such as needing constant attention and not respecting others wishing by whining, whenever someone didn't want to do something. This all leads up to me leaving the server during an argument in which she exploded on this guy who yea was rude but she was keeping the argument going, now I tried to break it up with a little humor by going "guys guys we are ALLL assholes, ok?" after which she and her boyfriend turned on me and again she started calling me an asshole and which point I said "fine if I'm such an asshole ill just leave" so I did.
​
Now during my time on her server I joined another server where she was an admin, I stayed on this server because most of the friends I had made on the previous one were also here, and things were fine, I didn't talk to her she didn't talk to me. but eventually, she started getting more and more controlling in the server. For instance, she said that we couldn't post "memes" in the general chat and that we had to post them in meme chat, this was confusing to me and a few others because it was fine before and it wasn't in the rules. at which point she simply told us to read the roles and that it was the end of the discussion. Now in the rules, it does say that you "should adhere to the commands of the staff" but I wasn't alone in thinking that that rule wasn't really as "valid" as the others in that it is really just a catch-all rule and makes is so whichever admin or mod that was on at the time could say whatever they want and use punishments for whatever they wanted. we tried bringing this up to her but again she just links the rules and said it was the end of discussion. one thing to note is that there is a feedback and suggestions channel but not once did she say we could, ya know, talk about the rules in there, she always just told us to read the rules and if we didn't stop talking about this we would get in trouble.
​
this all climaxed with me and a few others arguing with her in chat about recent events in the server that abruptly ended with her muting all of us and her other "mod-lings" comforting here, saying that she was nice to even let this go on for as long as it had. While we couldn't type in chat we did figure out we could change our nick-names, so we starting having fun with that with things like "My cellmate "likes" me alot" at this point she made another channel where we could "talk"
which really meant me spending around an hour and a half trying to reason with her while also trying to get her "mod-lings" to stop injecting themselves into the conversation just to either stroke her ego or insult us and tell us to shut up. At the end of all of this we me being physically and emotionally drained she says that she been humoring me long enough and that nothing worthwhile has been said and that "she didn't want to lose me" at this point I'm just tired so I want to talk about this another day but she says that she can't leave me on mute but she also couldn't unmute me yet because I might start another \*riot\* in discord general chat, which she says is bad because it might scare the other users and that she needs my compliance. She ends all of this by saying that she has let this go on long enough and that she is tired so I say "just go to sleep then" and leave at which point she bans me
​
so if you made it, congrats and now I want to know? Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
Fltyqh30VsfRCwzDQbABtEEGi2wDJDCi | aiypgq | {
"description": "not feeling bad that my dad is in jail",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not feeling bad that my dad is in jail | So some context, I'm 16M Asian, Hmong to be specific, but anyways my dad has a history of cheating on my mom, (he has done it twice) and he tends to be verbally abusive when drunk. (also kinda alcoholic) The reason why he's currently in jail is because he was caught transporting weed a while back.
When my dad first cheated he did it while drunk, even though at the time I was around 6 years old I understood that he was in the wrong. Then the second time I was about 11 years old I went on a fishing/camping trip with my dad, and a few of his friends, and on a late night I woke up to my dad drinking with his buddies bragging how he had a Thai girl, (IDK why but OG Hmong peeps like young Thai chicks) and he ended calling her, that's where my hate for him began to build up. (BTW I didn't tell my mom yet because at the time I felt that this would break my home.)
Fast forward to the next summer threw a party with his friends, and decided to invite the chick over when my mom wasn't home (college class), and he was showing her around the house, and this made me livid, but I didn't do anything because I was too scared of my dad when he's drunk. (btw he never hit me, but he was loud and threatening)
Then that Fall he was arrested for possession of more weed. (he was the supply) But a few days pass he got out, and my parents went out for their anniversary.
Then shit hit the fan, the Thai chick approached my mom and dad on their date they got into a drunken argument that night. Then a 3 month period where they would be drunk when I got home from school, and just argue nearly every day ensued. This time period fucked me up pretty bad.
Fast forward to the past year my dad would get super wasted almost every weekend and even the weekdays when he knew he had a job to go to. He's also thinks he's the shit that all the other people respect him for being able to drink the most.
Then fairly recently, about 2 months ago. I got into a big argument with my dad because he would constantly guilt trip me about how much he loved me, and that I need to do more chores of which I already do. Then recently he was arrested because there was a warrant.
Tl;DR don't feel bad for my dad in to jail because he's a cheat, and verbally abusive
Sorry if the this post is shite, it's the first thing I have ever posted on Reddit besides a shitty meme | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OhJzt7cEA7pOsDA2WqHWjXAfXuu11Rlh | aws686 | {
"description": "leaving two girls at a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving two girls at a restaurant? | I went out to drink with 3 people tonight. My friend Steph, Steph's best friend Vic, and her other friend, Jane. Steph and Vic were visiting for a concert happening in my city and Jane is a local friend she met a few years ago.
Steph asked me to come out with her since it'd been a few months since she was in town. I say sure since Steph and I always have a good time when we hang out.
This time was different. Apparently Vic and Jane got into a huge argument about dancing while at the club and were no longer speaking for the rest of the night. Steph and I decide to drink and chat and mostly ignore the Vic and Jane dilemma. It doesn't work. They pretty much kill the mood of the night by constantly bringing Steph and I into their argument. We try to convince them to get over it but it just doesn't happen.
We decide to call it quits and instead of just going home Jane decides we need to eat. Steph agrees but Vic decides he's done and goes home.
I felt bad and decide to stay with Steph and Jane. The whole wait for the table no one talks. I try to talk to them but neither seems to be really receptive to conversation. Steph is apparently mad about Vic being mad and Jane and her are pretty much only talking about the ridiculous argument that went down. I'm pretty drunk and just really fed up with how lame the night has been at this point. I decide to tell Jane and Steph that I'm tired and going to call it a night and then I call myself an uber home. I left them in a safe area and I didn't ride or bring either of them with me so they were going to be calling their own ride home anyways.
AITA for leaving them at the restaurant? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
56OxiVLTU4nGRRyq7xUhT0uPHQLngUrk | b527m7 | {
"description": "being mad at my boyfriend when he brings up his ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being mad at my boyfriend when he brings up his ex? | My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months now. In the beginning, he’d constantly bring up his ex. He’s accidentally call me her name. It made me upset but I figured since it was his last real relationship, it was bound it slip out every once in a while. I talked to him about it and he apologized. (I’m not going to completely say what happened between them because it’s personal, just know that she did him dirty. However, the last major thing that happened was when she cheated on him with his college roommate). He told me that he had forgiven her for everything that happened because he doesn’t like to hold grudges and if I can’t accept that, then it’s my problem. He said he loved me and not her (anymore) so I shouldn’t get jealous or upset over him bringing her up. When this still continued to happen, I talked to him about it again and this time he promised to try and stop. Everything has been fine, he doesn’t really talk about her as much as he used to. I try to not let it bother me when he does.
Right now, I’m on vacation with my friends. Last night, he called me up to say goodnight and told me how he texted his ex to try and get all his things back (since he still hasn’t gotten then/she refused to give it back). He said that she had brought them up to college with her so they weren’t home and she couldn’t give them to him. This made me angry. I don’t want him to talk to her as it is, but he is his own person. I can’t stop him. But now he’s trying to see her in person while I’m not home? I just don’t get why he tells me things about her, brings her up, and texts her when he literally KNOWS I don’t like it and I don’t like her. I really don’t know what to do or say about it anymore. I got mad about it and gave him an attitude. He told me to “not get mad and be dramatic”. This is a constant problem and I don’t know how to deal with it. Is it bad that I get mad at him for it? I absolutely love him but I can’t find a good way to deal with this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xBGrxS99CiZRmTjUEYZo4rr91zSM6M7X | b2a712 | {
"description": "getting mad when my partner stays up until 3am playing computer games on the nights we spend together",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I (26F) get mad when my partner (31M) stays up until 3am playing computer games on the nights we spend together? | We have been together for 8 months now, but don’t live together so I usually stay with him 3-4 times a week.
When I stay over I go to bed earlier than him (10pmish) and he is a bit of a night owl so agree he will come in for snugs a little later.
The thing is, time and time again, on the nights we have together he will come in at 3am, gets into bed and stays on Instagram/Reddit for another half hour. Which means we don’t really get intimate time together, he can’t wake up in the morning for work etc.
I don’t know why but it infuriates me so much. It wakes me up, means we don’t get that time together, and he doesn’t get a good night sleep. So I am laying in bed just getting madder and madder, which keeps me up longer. I’ve brought it up in conversation a few times, yet nothing changes.
TLDR: Boyfriend stays up until 3am playing computer/video games on the nights we are together. Wakes me up. Talked about it. Nothing has changed.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
IF1suj0nbzVomqqU3klWXHaaPCB5FZnE | b3ps64 | {
"description": "spending too much time with our rat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for spending too much time with our rat? |
So in my school we have a class where we take care of a rat, take notes and what not. You can partner up or be alone for this.
Ever since last year my friend and I have been really excited to take this class and to be “rat parents” together. We both agreed that I would take Grim (our rat) during the first weekend and they could take it the next (which was a three day weekend). So that’s what we did. During the week at school Grim would stay in our classroom at school and whenever we had an open periods we could come by and take care of him. So basically I’ve been going but my partner hasn’t and because of this our rat is now attached to me whenever we in class. She tries to push him to like her but I always tell her to let him come to her not to force him and she gets PISSED because of that. So on Tuesday I asked her if I could keep him for the night because she would have him for the 3 day weekend and she said it was fine with it. Later that day she has an emotional breakdown and start crying. That night I sent her a message asking her if she was okay and if she was mad at me. She went OFF and sent me a HUGEASS message saying that I have been mean to her, that I spend to much time with him and because of that I shouldn’t have had an extra night, and that I make her miserable. I felt horrible about this cause she’s one of my closes friends. So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
u7FJyeubrUM4pZy0NA0yMFY86ZaiY6L3 | a6nz4o | null | AITA in this disagreement? | I'm not really sure how relevant this is, since the fallout has already occurred, but I'd really like some impartial judgment.
I had a very close online friend. We used to hang out and game together all the time, though less so recently; she got very into VR Chat as part of practicing being better at socializing and started spending more time with a group of friends she made there. They decided to to karaoke around Thanksgiving, and I asked her if I could join them; she agreed and invited me.
There weren't a ton of people in this group (I believe it was 5 of us), and it was my first time meeting everyone other than my friend. After the first song ended, one of the people left the game, but immediately group-called everyone in the room apart from me on Discord. To me, this appeared as everyone suddenly not moving and not responding to me when I spoke. My friend did not inform me she was taking the call; the only reason I knew was because one of her friends does not use headphones or push-to-talk, so I could hear them all laughing and joking coming through the open mic, though none of them appeared to take notice of my in-game attempts to interact with them. After a few minutes of this, I PMed my friend and told her that I felt very excluded, and her response was to tell me not to feel that way. I followed this up by saying I felt her behavior was "extremely rude". At this point, everything went downhill. She became furious with me beyond what I even thought she was ever capable of, continuing our discussion in terse DMs until the call ended a half-hour later. When I tried to speak with her then, she continuously turned her back on me mid-sentence and told me if I found her behavior so unacceptable, why hadn't I left already? I was stunned and didn't know what to make of it. She later told me that she felt my words there were on par with calling her a bitch.
It's been a bit over 3 weeks since then, and her anger at me never fully went away. We'd try to resolve things, and I'd apologize for my language but not for standing up for myself, and she'd find something else to get upset with me about. She got mad at me for not telling her a concrete item I wanted for Christmas after the response she gave me when I asked her was something intentionally chosen to be unreasonable. She got mad at me on consecutive days for being too blunt when talking about something unpleasant and for not being blunt enough when talking about something unpleasant. For not being excited enough in the proper way about something. I ended up feeling like she was trying to punish me for trying to look out for myself, and she was furious that I'd ever think she was capable of that, yet most of our interactions in the past have, at some point, included her not-so-subtly suspecting me of secretly being abusive, like some of her past friends were.
It came to a head earlier this evening. I was having a polite discussion with an old friend of hers on her Discord server, and she would spontaneously delete my messages mid-conversation (and these were things as innocent as asking how his day went and how he was fitting in at his new place of employment). When I told her I thought that wasn't remotely reasonable, she removed my posting permission and then kicked me from her server.
Through this entire thing, I've been convinced she's in the wrong, and I really don't think it's a salvageable friendship at this point anyway, but since I know I'm not biased, was I an asshole, too? Did my initial response go out of line? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
sbDiUk4TztWrqkaQMduNhXXIKTBH6xGu | an82uz | {
"description": "getting fed up with my dad painting my apartment for \"free\" but it's taken almost 4 weeks and h constantly disregarding me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting fed up with my dad painting my apartment for “free” but it’s taken almost 4 weeks and h constantly disregarding me? | Trying to gather my thoughts.. We’ve always had a strained relationship for many reason and one of them is him not listening to me. Because we’ve never seen eye to eye, I can’t tell when I’m over reacting because my baggage with him or he’s just being a dick. So...
1. Originally for my upcoming birthday we were going to visit my brother across the country (we were going to go last year but I got myself a new job I couldn’t take time off).. I was hesitant for reasons but at Christmas I said let’s do it! He decided the buying the paint would be my gift (I asked him in November just to help me do the project) and we’d hopefully go on the trip next year when I’m in a better place. (What? Myself, not him)
2. Multiple times I tried to get him to help me find a particular shelf for all my books, he’s always interested and even said at one point “we’ll take care of it don’t worry!” He hasn’t helped me at all and has no intentions of helping me with my shelving situation.
3. This project has been dragged on so after two weeks, the weekend to paint was here!!! Turns out there was a 15% sale on paint Monday to Wednesday so no painting that weekend (my dad has more than enough money but it is good to be frugal I do see that, we just had planned for that weekend to paint then plans changed)
4. We have two doors that me and my roommate would love to replace and I mentioned it if he could pick them up during the sale(and we’d pay or course), he said they wouldn’t fit in his car, I’m not sure why, I don’t press when he makes excuses.
5. My landlord requested a certain brand of paint, he said it wasn’t a problem. Didn’t get the right paint cause “he won’t notice”
6. Obviously I knew he wouldn’t come by on Sunday for the VERY last visit (yay!) because Super Bowl but he did his stupid game of saying “oh maybe I will, it would make more sense” but of course he didn’t. So now pushing project 3 weeks and one day, oh well, one more day won’t kill me plus it is super bowl.
7. For some reason when he came today, he didn’t paint my door, or put the doorknob back on that I took off. He thought we would just paint it on Wednesday. So he left my door knob-less and expects me to wait until Wednesday now.
Am I the asshole? Expecting too much? Am I crazy? Am I spoiled? Keep in mind, my relationship is strained as it is, so being around him and having my house chaotic for 3 weeks could easily be skewing my judgement.
If you read all this I appreciate you very much, I’m having difficulty expressing myself right now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
TpiVlKOf0ZQiA5M4C2pfJKIJqbAkzi6V | b9ikxc | {
"description": "taking my mini-fridge from my roommate who doesn't shower",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I took my mini-fridge from my roommate who doesn't shower? | I go to school that guarantees housing. However, my current roommate's inability to compromise and empathize has driven me out of my dorm that I am paying for, and instead, live with my very-understanding bf whose apartment is an hour away from school. However, the commute is nothing compared to having to live in the dorm and I've even come to enjoy it, so having to move out 6 months prematurely is not even my primary concern.
The first red flag was on move-in day when I asked about her shower schedule and she shrugged and said, "Oh, you know, whenever I remember to." I didn't think much of it but as this year has progressed, I have never once seen her go into the bathroom and hear water running, come out with wet hair, or wash her bed sheets. The BO is more noticeable when she's in the room so I try to go there when she's not.
She also has a habit of bringing food into the room and letting it sit for months (there's a bowl of squash that has been sitting there since winter). I bought our mini-fridge at her request and I hardly ever use it. She lets food go bad in there and when I ask her to eat it faster, she tells me she'll "eat it at whatever pace I want." The pinnacle of this was me throwing out her spoiled food in December as she had already left for winter break and her yelling at me over text about it.
Another side-note: she keeps an empty bottle of parmesan cheese in her bed. She tucks the thing in like it's her child and one time, I saw it on the ground and said, "You dropped something" and she scrambled out of bed to grab it and tucked it back in.
For anyone who thinks I should go to my RA, I don't because my RA is the most antisocial guy I've ever met. He's nice but his entire vibe tells me he wants to interact with other people as little as possible and I'd also like to interact with my roommate as little as possible which would not happen if he had us talk things out.
This morning, after a bad night's sleep, I went back to my room to see if I could nap but she was there. The godawful smell hit me like a freight train. I couldn't be in the room without feeling like I was going to vomit. I asked a friend to come over and he agreed with me, saying "It's not even something words can describe." Later, I texted her asking her to shower and she told me, verbatim, to "fuck right off".
Even though I can't stand her, I've tried keeping things civil and she basically has had a single room this whole year. But I feel like it's gone too far. My bf suggested we take the mini-fridge back to his place as we could actually use it, but she seems mentally unstable frankly, and I'm worried she would go off at me and that it's too extreme.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
L3E40bEehmbmawd7zaEkFV1iCleUo5Dm | aktusj | {
"description": "breaking things off with a guy that freaked me out",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking things off with a guy that freaked me out? | So about six months ago I went on a few dates with a guy. At face value he seemed pretty normal and was easy to talk to. I met him on a dating app, and I started chatting with him. By our second conversation, he started asking how much sex I wanted, and told me details about his previous sex habits with prior girlfriends. I politely told him I thought that was too much info and he needed to slow down. He obliged, but the fact he escalated the boundaries of a new contact set off red flags for me.
Nevertheless, I told myself I was being prudish, and agreed to an in-person meeting. We were both PhD candidates at the local university, so I asked if he wanted to meet up there. He said he had to go feed his cat, so I agreed to go with him, thinking he lived close to campus. Once I got there, he led us to the parking lot where I learned he lived in the next city over. I balked at getting into a car with a relative stranger, but told myself I was being stupid. We drove to his apartment a few towns over, and he showed me his place. He made a few more comments about his previous love life, but then made a few more comments about sex. He made some comment about much bigger guys were, and if a guy wanted to do anything to a woman, he could, especially to small woman like me. This comment sort of threw me off, and I don't remember how I responded. After he fed his cat, I figured we would maybe go get something to eat, which would be pretty common for a date. I asked if he wanted to go get dinner or something.
He said he wanted to go take a walk, which I figured was pretty harmless, since I assumed we were walking around the neighborhood we were in, where there were plenty of people. Nope, we hopped in his car, drove to another town, to the end of a culdesac. There was a road barrier at the end of the circle, so cars couldn't tip down the steep hill and into the wilderness surrounding the town. There were unofficial walking trails below the hill, well away from any houses or roads.
Again, my instincts were screaming at me not to go walking into the woods with this guy I had met 20 minutes ago. But then I told myself I was being stupid and a chicken, so I went with him. We walked around for a while, probably about 30 or 45 minutes, all the while I was acutely aware I was totally alone with this guy. Finally after a few more similar sightseeing stops, he agreed to drive me back to my apartment, and we sat in his car for a while and talked. He spent quite a lot of time telling me he knew all about women like me and making assumptions, which I thought was obnoxious, but he seemed willing to agree that didn't know anything about me. I even told him about an assault that happened to me a few years ago, explaining why I'm not super open with men in general.
Finally, after talking for a while, he asked for a kiss. I was totally taken aback, but again thought I was being stupid and prudish and agreed, thinking it would be a quick peck. Nope, he went for a really long kiss, which kind of freaked me out. The more I told myself I was being stupid about it, the more I asked myself why he thought taking a girl he just met out alone to the middle of the woods was a normal date idea. Maybe to a lot of people this sounds innocuous, but he just seemed to be taking a lot of liberties with a girl he just met.
He messaged me later asking if I wanted to meet again in a day or two, I said I would get back to him, and then stopped responding after a few messages. After a month or so, guilt got the better of me. I returned his messages, explained that the kiss was a little too forward for a first date, and he apologized and asked if I wanted to meet again. Again, guilt got the better of me, and I met up with him. He had driven to my apartment, and as I went down to meet him, he said he wanted to go on a walk. I balked this time, saying I had a meeting in an hour. He said it would only take about 10 minutes to drive to where he wanted to walk; I said we should just go to the city park down the street. He agreed, after a little persuasion, and he drove us there. We walked around for a bit, and he seemed to realize I was a bit tense, so he did some goofy stuff like sliding down a slide on the playset. Finally, I said I had to go to my meeting, and he dropped me off on campus.
A lot of this may sound innocuous, like a slightly clueless guy, but what stood out to me was that he seemed perfectly cogent about men taking liberties with women's vulnerabilities, like he recognized it when it happened. So it stuck out to me when he took a lot of control and put us in possibly risky situations, like a woman getting into a car with a stranger, a woman going to the woods with a stranger, and initiating intimate contact on the first meeting.
All of this was enough to invoke an inadvertent fight or flight response whenever I met up with the guy. My pulse would skyrocket, and I kept asking myself if he was trying to take me to these places alone to hurt me. Finally, I figured that if I was always going to feel this way about this guy, it wasn't worth pursuing a relationship. It was around this time I read Gavin Becker's The Gift of Fear, and I saw a lot of the behavior from this guy that were red flags. Things like escalating familiarity, forced teaming, taking control and not giving me choices in things.
So I messaged him and told him I wasn't romantically interested in him. His response was to laugh at me, no other messages. I don't plan on trying to patch things up, but I do wonder.
Am I The Asshole for dropping contact with this guy? Did I read too much into his actions? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
f6dnwU7tiGfj5rjZfqy1IzDrxRDzRm4j | b439v0 | {
"description": "not letting someone into building",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting someone into building? | Ok so kinda a boring post but this interaction really bothered me. Around 4am, I couldn’t sleep so I decided to get a coffee from Tim Hortons (Canadians amirite??) I’m a little out of it due to the little to no sleep I got in the past 2 days (a lot on my mind) and when I got out of the elevator I saw a guy just standing outside the lobby entrance (phone directory or fob to get into the building) and I kept walking because I didn’t feel comfortable opening the building entrance for what could be a dangerous person- also being a 21F I felt concerned for my own safety. As I walk away to the side exit he pounds at the door and I turn back and realize it’s someone who lives in this building (I’ve lived in this building for majority of my life so Im familiar with most of the residents) when I let him in he snapped at me and said “it’s common sense to open the door because I live here and why else would I be standing there. I said “No, it’s common sense not to open the door for the safety of the residents especially at this hour”.
So my question is AITA for not letting him in when I first saw him at the door?
I felt kinda bad after the interaction because there’s been times where my brother has forgotten his fob and was stuck in the lobby for ages. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 35,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
3j1I7jshekafSvN4LItlnHwDK0FcHuSy | ba4daa | {
"description": "not attending my grandparents' lunch event",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not attending my grandparents' lunch event | It is my grandmother's birthday and she wants to go to a restaurant for lunch. However, most of my family has something on and this kept making her messed up since everyone was saying they were not free at the time. I was kind of free, but I wanted to go eatch a live event and I also would be very busy (have to be down for an event on the day before, on the morning of the day itself had to be down for 2 events).
Eventually I was told the promotion was for 10 people, there would be 10 people attending and I would not need to go since it might incur extra cost. Yet I still feel shameful because:
1. I'm not going just to watch a race
2. She seemed relatively upset and started picking a fight with my grandfather (which is relatively normal though)
So Reddit, am I the asshole? I definitely feel like one | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
IgwGOXXJOV7cgrV4NMuG7OI4ZDXGfEUS | b6g6xj | null | AITA for gettin upset with my gf snap chatting her exes? | Me and this girl have been dating for a year and a half now, and I’ve expressed my concern with her messaging multiple of her exes. Not only do I feel like I have to compete but it’s scary thinking that any given moment she would leave me for someone she was screwing moths before our relationship.
I don’t wanna come off as clingy, but at the same time I don’t talk to any of my exes. So far to be in close contact with them gives me worry. Am I an asshole for making a problem out of this. And I how do I address her with this problem? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7Nmsf13lP1Zk5jw4NpdetiZOq6FYCarV | b92rnx | null | WIBTA for telljng my friend group about how my EX manipulated me? | So me, my Ex, and my friends are all exchange students in country X (it has no relevance) and most of the people in our group chat are American including me and my Ex. We have a few get togethers throughout the year that we're here so we can see each other. (We're all in different cities miles apart)
After a few meet ups in some of the other cities me and my now Ex end up dating on one of these trips and everything seems fine. Until our last trip a week and a half ago where she basically ghosted me the whole 7 days we we're traveling. And then a few days later tells me she doesn't love me and that she hasn't had feelings for me for a long time.
Now this wouldn't have hurt if she'd told me when she first stopped feeling for me thats understandablw. The problem was is that our relationship was prolonged for three months up until last week when she told me.
Not only that but we had gotten to about 2nd base when we actually saw each other but that was probably during the time when she didn't love me and I feel used.
I also found out today that she had kissed on of my friends on the last trip and neither of them had told me which made me feel worse about her not telling me the truth about our relationship.
So the question is WIBTA if I tell the group chat that my Ex manipulated me for months even if we're all stuck together in a group for another few months and this could mean people not talking to her anymore?
TLDR; my ex manipulated me for months so she could try and develop feelings she didn't have for me. WIBTA if I tell our group chat and possibly have everyone get mad at her and leave her with no one to talk with. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
x3F1kIiYHY7za7dowX9Y13ntOGwxx7dK | b0lx1a | {
"description": "my breaking up with my ex, because of Instagram issues",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for my breaking up with my ex, because of Instagram issues? | Still a bit conflicted on this. Broke up with my ex GF about a week ago. Dated for about 6 months.
Basically, we met, went on a few dates and things became serious quickly and we sat down and had the “ground rules” chat before we became official (no talking to exes, hitting on girls, etc). Which is totally fine with me, relationships need boundaries and communication. We only had a few requests each, and one of mine was: Don’t disrespect me with other guys...as in - I understood she is a good looking girl, and outside advances can happen - just don’t go looking for it.
Fast forward a little and she posts these stories on her IG asking her (she has like 6000 followers) followers to confide their secrets to her. Obviously guys start saying that things like “you’re so sexy” and “I’ve always had a crush on you”. So I get like annoyed and mention if she could not do that (especially since it’s something I clearly mentioned in our sit down). She says she understands where I’m coming from. Great.
Less than an hour later she posts another few responses from her ‘IG story’ and one of them is: “I’ve always liked you hehe 😍”. So I just snapped a little and told her we need a break. I just don’t feel like she’s holding up her half of this whole thing. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
rnAQSPaIhGuV0xvGnC68wziEzN7vxduR | b9kn2s | {
"description": "wanting to hang out with my coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to hang out with my coworkers? | I’m a 23 year old female software developer who moved to the Bay Area from Chicago about 8 months ago for a job at a startup. I’m currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years who still lives in the Chicago area.
My company is around 30-40 people total and we only have 5 female employees. All the people that I directly with are males. I work on a team of 9, we are fairly young, with the majority being either my age to 3 years older. I really like the guys that I work with and recently have been hanging out with some of them more often. It started out as happy hour after work, but now we hang out more and I consider these guys my friends. It’s been hard moving so far from home and finding friends, so I’m really happy to have found some and as a plus I get to work with them too. My boyfriend however doesn’t like that I’m spending so much time with only males, especially since he lives so far away. It’s not like I set out with the intention of finding only male friends, but I do realize my chosen career path is very male dominated. I am not harboring any feeling for any of the guys and I don’t think any of them like me, honestly I think they see me like a little sister most of the time. They all know that I have a boyfriend and have even met him once when he was visiting last month. 2 of the guys have girlfriends that are sometimes around but not always.
My boyfriend seemed to be fine with everything at first but he started been making comments about how he wishes I had more female friends and how I spend so much time with the guys. This weekend I went out with them on Saturday night and my boyfriend got upset that I went out instead of calling him but I talked to him earlier in the day (as we do everyday) and it's not like we had any special facetime date planned. Yesterday he straight up said he didn't want me hanging out with them outside of work to which I said no way and we haven't talked since then.
It’s been so hard finding friends in the city and I don’t really want to give up the ones that I have, but I also don’t want to put strain on my relationship with my boyfriend. At the end of the day, wether I stay friends with these guys or not, they are my coworkers and I have to work with them. Other than this, my boyfriend’s and my relationship has been great and we’ve even talked about getting married. I’m trying to see where he’s coming from but I just can't.
So reddit, AITA for wanting to stay friends with my coworkers? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
huaFAlgbYp2QiiUsHI6tq50SDHuZ8dxt | b96zvj | null | AITA for "bullyng" an girl? | Okay so this is more kinda an confession tbh. There's an girl at my school who is always so freaking annoying and very sensitive, she always wanted to bring the attention to herself and said stuff that would sound like something from r/facepalm so I kinda bothered her and did stuff that I wouldn't consider bullyng but she would take it so badly that she would sometimes cry but because she was such an anoyng drama queen I would just ignore her.
But I also feel bad because I would let people who did in fact do real bullyng bother her because and I didn't even care. I would a lot of times treat her bad even when she was kinda nice because of how anoyng she was.
Im pretty sure that sounds like an real asshole but even my own teachers admit that most of the time she's the one running into the trouble and provoking the "bullying" (wich were more like jokes to anoy her). So I kinda tried to think that I wasn't being an ass because she was the one looking for it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
8hhiAlUt9HrPRb8oL6yhPvpK55r8HCBm | atebqt | {
"description": "loving my dad so much but I wish he didn't make me so uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA I love my dad (61) so much but I wish he didn’t make me(16f) so uncomfortable | My father(61yo) and I(Im 16yo) were going to go somewhere. I had period cramps so I just simply said “I have cramps.” I just thought it would’ve been awkward and be like oh I understand, bye and then he would leave me alone. Instead, he had a weird smile (idk if it was creepy or mocking) on his face and said “you’re on your period this week?” I didn’t say anything because I was uncomfortable and walked back into my bedroom and sat on my bed. He followed me and demanded I answer him. I said I didn’t have to because i explained to him that it made me uncomfortable and that was personal. He stood in front of the bed while I sat on it. This kind of made me cornered because he was blocking my way to get off of my bed. I got off my bed and went around him because I didn’t want him near me and walked out my room where we originally started talking. I still didn’t say anything and he told me that I was antagonizing him. I didn’t know what he meant so I said, what? He then said it was just a question. I went to see my mom and told her that I couldn’t go and went back to my bedroom, passing my dad.
Now that I think about it I remember my dad saying to me that I looked “really good.” In retrospect I remember wearing fairly tight leggings that day. He also does this thing where he forces me to hug him if I happen to go into my parents room around bedtime. I’m visibly uncomfortable mainly because he’s usually in his underwear but also I’m a bit of a germaphobe and hate hugs or touching people in general.
Also I lost a substantial amount of weight and ever since if I eat something even remotely unhealthy in front of him he’ll make me feel bad. He would be like “you’re eating all of that?” He says it and laughs in a condescending way and just over all making me feel like shit and me scared of gaining weight.
I feel so fucking stupid writing this but I get creeped out when he does these things and I genuinely don’t know if I’m over reacting and cherry picking. I feel bad when I act like I want and trying to avoid him because he’s getting older, has I lot of health related problems and there’s this pit in my gut feels like when he passes I’m going feel really freaking guilty that we didn’t have a better relationship. At the same time, some of the things he does weirds me out. I feel like the more I get older I’m getting less and less close to my father. Every time he comes into a room I feel immense dread. I tense up and really don’t like him around me. Every time I try (because really I do try) he mocks me about something or/and does something super uncalled for. (FYI I didn’t know which subreddit to put this in) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5r69clSVUmgwfi7PmOBlnBicCP1bihtc | ao3qb8 | null | AITA: 34M hesitant to ask a girl out do it personal issues | Long story short. My wife of 13 years passed almost a year ago. It was looking like a devorce was on the way (from me and not related to health issues).
I work with this girl (mid to last 20s), that I'm interested in great personality and some similar interests. but she has some health issues (bad back is all I know) and trauma from her baby daddy.
Am I the asshole to being hesitant? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KooDq8Lu8DHcFJb3e9V5qc7Wf7urtFmC | asx0lo | {
"description": "ignoring reserved parking signs at super markets",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for ignoring reserved parking signs at super markets? | So this one is pretty stupid I apologize. I work in food and bev distribution which means I visit several grocery stores daily. I began to get annoyed when I noticed they all seem to have reserved parking for just about everybody. Shop from home customers only, veterans only, expectant mothers only, mothers with small children, etc. Now with the exception of handicap parking, I decided these were all bullshit and cheap pr stunts, and thus started parking where ever I found a spot. These spots are nearly always open and noone seems to miss them.
A woman finally called me out for parking in the pregnant woman spot to which I said "ok" and basically ignored her. Now I know I'm the asshole here I guess, but am I correct in it not being a big deal and a bullshit pr thing, or am I really just A total dick? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
CafwoyWxTrs2ToRaXA6fB6dhOPr7no8p | asjsmo | {
"description": "making a joke about this guy's kid",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for making a joke about this guy's kid? | I met the guy on tinder and we went out to a bar. While we were out, he tells me he has a son from unprotected sex with a woman he had a one night stand with when he was 18. Doesn't bother me at all, we hit it off and go back to my apartment.
Things heated up and he wanted to put it in without a condom. I said "you already have one kid, are you really trying for another one right now?" He got kind of upset and told me not to talk about his son like that. I apologized and we ended up getting it on (with protection!)
I feel kind of bad now because it never occurred to me that my joke could be offensive. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
dGQKNZgtA5pl37JWXQbAQ6WZvbDjQ9lm | aoz5zk | {
"description": "giving my father the finger",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for giving my father the finger | My father was "knocking" on my window, he has done this in the past when he's been locked out and needs me to let him in. He had just stepped out of the door. He did it to intentionally startle me, which it did. He then walks around to the other window, which he could see me from, and bangs on that one too. I give him the finger. When he gets back he comes into my room, didn't knock, and is mad at me for giving him the finger. I respond with "don't bang on my window I won't give you the finger" he says "I just wanted to say hi" (gaslight much?). He makes some comments about my room being messy, I ask him to leave, he waits silently to bother me and then leaves. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
OKhEkEbQbpkH5yLdUMSjz39ZMPHJAkzm | add871 | {
"description": "not wanting to game share with my older brother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to game share with my older brother | So here’s a bit of a background. Basically, about a year ago I (21) had just got pub g and I only had my brother and my cousin to play with. We really wanted a 4th player that wasn’t a random and we wanted with my older brother(25) because he lives with my mom in Texas and I moved to Maryland so we don’t see eachother often. I thought well I can kill two birds with one stone I can keep in touch with and we can have our 4th on pub g perfect! So naturally it starts off great.
We played pub g a lot but I wanted to play other games too and he wouldn’t want to unless he liked it. Even though we play pub g when we don’t want to. So that was check number one then after that he would say we should get siege, wild lands and even Bo4. But since its game share if one of us buys it the other gets it. He has a job and I’m a broke college student and he refuses to pay for games. For example instead of paying 20 for siege he made buy it with the little money I had because he, “had no money”. Next thing I know he has the new Xbox X which is like $400 and a $200 pair of headphones. So it irked me a bit that I’ve been paying for all the games and he obviously had some for the game.
So we are all caught up and by now he plays with his friends and cousins almost everyday because I’m in school so I can’t play often. This winter break we went to Texas and I saw him just a little bit because he was in jail again for 100 days and by the time his sentence was up we had 5 days left in Texas and instead of spending it with us he’d go out and get drunk and come back and play pub g even when we asked to play with him and asked us to watch his son so he could play pub g. So basically I pay for all the games. He couldn’t spend time with us, for the holidays when we visited and he never plays any games with us and I’ve even told him that we want to play with him and it’s not cool how he forces us to ditch our friends to play with him but he can’t do that same and that I pay for the games so the least he could do is play with us. Then he proceeds to say I know nothing because I’m 21 and somehow transitions to me being a “bad driver” and how by 16 he was so much better than me. So that kind of made me think you know what I should I just stop game sharing with him if he can’t even be grateful for it or even want to spend time with us. He rather just party and play pub g with his friends.
I apologize if I was all over the place. I just was flustered and wanted to know if I’d be an the asshole if I stopped game sharing | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Lv5JISbRuR1cTQcjJZGVgB8opm6Qt06d | a8zeoa | {
"description": "being angry about an old friend coming to Xmas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being angry about an old friend coming to Xmas | Bit of a long story.
My mother has a positive humanist tendency to try to make Xmas good for as many people as possible, which has meant that she has often invited people we barely know over for Xmas lunch if they have been in need. The rest of the family totally gets it, it's a good thing to do, but it can lead to some awkwardness - it's not just a relaxed family affair at the end of a hard year. Sometimes it can be an endurance test, as it is when our autistic family friend comes, but we've acclimatised to her presence, and her presence is preferable to her being alone obviously!! Sorry if that sounds jerky, but at these times of year sometimes family is hard enough, not including non-family who sometimes exhibit difficult behaviours.
Which gets us to this year. We are having lunch at a restaurant so my 94 yr old Grandma can be there, and we have a spare seat that can't be cancelled. Without telling me my mother has invited an old friend who suffers from schitzophrenia. This friend ran away from home at 17 (I was 15) and came to live with my family, and it was while living with us that he was diagnosed and went from okay to much, much worse. Part of the reason for this is that another friend, our old band mate, also returned to town, and at the end of the year he killed himself. This sent my sick friend over the edge - he was the last person to see him alive on the night of his death - and after this he was homeless for a period, in jail, and eventually on a heavy mix of anti-psych meds in a halfway house. My grandma is fucking terrified of him - while he lived on the street he came over one night when it was just me and grandma in the house (i would have been 17 or 18) and did a bunch of crazy shit before leaving. I kept him low key, but Grandma has never dealt with that stuff before. Now my feelings towards him are complex - I feel sorry for him, and deeply sad - I've known him since I was 5 - but I can't deal with him. It's way too much. For me this is the tip of the iceberg - this year alone I have lost several friends to suicide, but this type of stuff isn't uncommon at all in my social circle. The idea of spending Xmas with him makes me want to crawl into a hole and die.
I blew up at my Mum on text. I know she was trying to do a nice thing, but it seems crazy not to at least ask if other people are comfortable with him being there. AITA for not wanting this friend at Xmas lunch?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6hqjq3j67tbBZuPMV89gwGNhQm5qCStF | b4oph9 | {
"description": "spitting cold tea back in the tea pot during breakfast",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for spitting cold tea back in the tea pot during breakfast? | So about a week ago my parents, my sister (21) and I (17M) were having breakfast. I went to pour myself a cup of tea. I didn’t realise at the time that the tea had been left sitting for at least an hour. So when I went in for a sip I was soon hit with the brutal fact that the tea had gone completely cold. In hindsight I could have manned up and swallowed the cold tea but when you’ve just been hit in the face with disappointment, confusion and shock you don’t really think about your actions. In my mind my best option was to get this tea out of my mouth as soon as possible. I scanned for a nearby container which was the tea pot. I opened the lid and spit the tea into the tea pot. I agree that this wasn’t the best solution but I didn’t really think about it.
Now for the point of the story, my family reacted with laughter and confusion but my sister was in her own words: disgusted. She said since we all use that tea pot it’s bad table manners and nasty to spit in it. But the tea in the tea pot was cold, no one was going to drink that. On top of the fact that a simple rinse will take care of all the germs from my mouth. Plus, we’re family right? It isn’t weird to drink out of the same glass so why is it a big deal if I spit in the tea pot and it was rinsed? A week later and she’s still angry that I spit in the tea pot. I fail to see how she’s right.
I let my sister read this and she wants to add that after I had just spit in the tea pot I didn’t remark enough on the situation, which is true, it is pretty weird to spit in the tea pot and I just kind of went along as if nothing happened. She says the fact that I didn’t give it enough attention could cause my parents or her to forget it happened or, more likely, miss it entirely and later on in the breakfast maybe one of them would have poured themselves a cup of tea and drink some with my spit out tea in it, which would be disgusting. I’d say the chances of that happening are very low. Everybody saw it happen and you wouldn’t forget that easily. Also again the family argument, it wouldn’t be the end of the world to drink tea with my spit out tea along with it. Also the tea pot was full so it would only be a small percentage but I do agree that it would be unpleasant to drink my spit out tea.
I’m not looking for approval I’m genuinely curious what reddit’s thoughts on this are. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
KQET3Wa1UOsFt1TOUJEIfDxLhuonyJFN | b2xsbc | {
"description": "bailing on my friend's birthday event",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for bailing on my friend's birthday event? | One of my friend's requested our friend group to go to a sporting event or participate in a physical activity for their birthday this month. At that time, I had said that my S/O and I would join at the sporting event and not the physical activity.
It gets closer to my friend's birthday, and they ask our friend group about ticketing plans. I ask about seating plans, and find out that my friend's S/O had bought the 2 of them nice tickets and they were expecting the rest of us to get whatever tickets we wanted and meet them during half time. I said that would be fine because I expected my S/O and I to get tickets together, so I wouldn't be sitting alone.
Unfortunately, my S/O has a very hectic work life and ended up having to work that day. I texted my friend happy birthday and told them that I would be skipping the sporting event because I did not want to go and sit alone and only see them for the 10-15 minutes of half time. I asked if we could meet up before or after the game instead.
My friend later sent a very cold message and did not acknowledge the possibility of meeting up for before or after the game. They haven't responded to my texts since, and I don't know if I made the right call.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
ICHjXRCZ3lRrZe4MAxP46316tHAydnkc | a5lz3w | {
"description": "not wanting to help pay for a hotel room",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to help pay for a hotel room? | Throw away account.
My (27M) gf (28F) is the Maid of Honor for a wedding in February. Right now we live about 2.5 hours apart and the wedding location is closer to me than her. The drive for me would be about an hour.
Some backstory: I have never met the bride, groom, or anyone involved in the wedding. The only person I will know is my gf. The happy couple are doing a sort of unusual thing where all members of the wedding party will have their significant others at the head table with them. If this was not the case, I would probably not be going since it would be awkward for me to sit with people I don't know.
Anyways, she is going to pay for a hotel room for 2 nights, and it's close to $300 a night. That's a LOT for where this wedding is going to be. She told me about it, and it didn't really cross my mind to offer to pitch in. She asks if I can help. I offer the suggestion of just staying at my place since it's only an hour away. She insists she has to be there at the hotel since she's part of the bridal party, which makes sense.
Now, a little background of me and her specifically. She makes more money than me and lives with her parents until I move to her city. She has no bills other than a car payment and helping with groceries. She is smart with her money.
I live alone, have student loans up the a$$, car payment, rent, utilities, internet, etc. So my disposable income is razor thin.
Because of these big differences in our income, I do not want to have to help pay for a hotel room that I would otherwise not be staying in.
TL;DR: AITA for not wanting to help pay for a hotel room for a wedding my gf is in? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wpVzMUILcUe3iI3NJXOaKiADlLwmH3by | aqie0l | null | AITA Step Dad didn't acknowledge my son on his second birthday | To keep this story short here is a little back story.
I've had a falling out with my mom 6 years ago and we haven't spoken much. This is due to actions on both sides.
Over the past year we have been working on getting back in each others lives and have both stated we want to make things better and recognized that we need to get over our issues.
She asked ro FaceTime on her portal to my 2 year ols son for his birthday. I was like absolutely and as this is something we do often. She hasn't met him in person. She knows my door is always open but she still hasn't came to see him. We live 20 hours apart. So we are on FaceTime and she is talking with my son/ watching him laugh and play. Overall it was a great reaction.
The problem I have is that in the background on her side is my step Dad who basically raised me. The entire time he doesn't once come over to say hi or happy birthday or even acknowledge my son. It was impossible for him not to hear or see what was going on, but not once did he look up or come to the screen. The kid is 2 and is giggling playing pikaboo saying thier dogs name etc and no emotions.
After we hung up it just really stuck with me and brought up a lot of animosity. So I sent my mom a text stating how I felt and that my son never did anything to him and to have him.sitting in the background being cold as fuck really brought up a lot of animosity for me and that I didn't need the bs or drama in my life. Struggling as it has kept me up all night that he would do that. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
2gMrtgRH1p4KjRvfz5sFyyOPd8plRG65 | acvn0z | {
"description": "deliberately being cold towards my mentally disabled aunt",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for deliberately being cold towards my mentally disabled aunt | My aunt who is significantly older than me is mentally disabled since birth and not capable of living alone or performing many basic tasks. She is currently living with me and my parents which is a temporary situation that will probably continue for a month or two.
To me she is a one-dimensional character. Within the limited scope of conversation that her disability allows for there is almost no way of extracting "meaningful" information from her or deriving any pleasure from the conversation. Sometimes even very basic questions like "Are you hungry?" will be answered with "I don't know".
Additionally she is incapable of maintaining basic hygienic standards (e.g. cleaning hands after handling greasy food) and the concepts of personal space or privacy are unknown to her or she does not care for those concepts.
These among other things have lead to me losing any interest interacting with her and also disliking her to a certain degree. As a consequence I never initiate conversation with her, only react to her when directly asked and when asked answer in a deliberately cold but hopefully helpful way; never offensive though.
Summarizing her mental state you could maybe compare it to a 6 years old child, the main difference being a complete lack of any self-sufficient activity. Also there is absolutely nothing malicious about her behavior. Every shortcoming results from a lack of ability.
So am I the asshole for not pretending to be somehow interested in her and very openly displaying indifference? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
NKrII7zJIj4f79v19dfNxlM1YlaursSU | atiqpn | {
"description": "not responding to a Team Lead's chats",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not responding to a Team Lead's chats? | So I got some pretty bad social anxiety. I can't hold a conversation to save my life. So this usually leads to be leaving people on read a lot.
So at my job we claim accounts from a queue, and if we cannot finish an account (Need help or waiting for a supervisor, etc.) We have to put the account on hold in order to claim another account.
A new lead was recently hired, who I have never interacted with before, however she is not directly above me, but over another group of coworkers. This past week she's been Google chat messaging me to leave notes on the accounts on hold. And sometimes when she would do so, put those accounts back in progress so I am unable to claim any more despite me still awaiting for whatever they're on hold for. Sometimes when this happens, the notes will be deleted.
Now when she messaged me, I didn't ever respond. I just tried to remember to put notes on, but I ended up procrastinating and forgetting. Or the notes would get deleted due to being put on hold, in progress, back on hold. This resulted in 4/5 Google chats that went unresponsive to. Nothing out of malice, just didn't know she expected a response, and I really didn't know her.
Because I didn't respond, she escalated it to our boss' boss. And they decided to give me my final warning, claiming it was out of retaliation.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
itOyhW9DQw4KJBpZ4GkmShlAZZj5H8Im | aqpd2d | null | AITA | So it’s Valentines today and my girlfriend decides to prank me. I had bought her a huge stuffed bear, and didn’t expect anything. She however gave me a whole lie about how my best friend snitched on me and got me a 3 pg paper on child abuse.
(Basically we’re doing that baby project, everyone does at one point, where you carry a “baby” around etc). The 3 pg paper was the consequence of not being a good parent. I’ll get into what I did if need be.
Anyways, she told me that. I confronted my best friend and he told me she had dared him to do it. Of course, I’m conflicted. I see my girlfriend and ask her about it, and she says that she did in fact dare him to. I’m upset and the day goes by - she gets mad at me for not forgiving her on the spot, and eventually tells me it was a whole prank.
I however wasn’t having it. You see, she’s done this before, and every-time I believe her. Her excuse is that she’s a piece of shit, and yet she’s still mad at me for staying upset.
TLDR: My girlfriend pranked me to get me mad, and now she’s mad that I stayed mad even after she revealed the prank. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6anwjSAKtlY0DBXW80frE3UyPMjWdXZM | aoyfhw | {
"description": "calling out my friend for never letting me know he made other plans",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling out my friend for never letting me know he made other plans? | Background info: this person has consistently agreed to plans, the time passes, and he’s made other plans/cancels without letting me know as if he assumes I’m just aware of everything going on in his life.
So my friend told me we should do stuff today during the week. I agreed and we said we go get smoothies before 3 pm today so we could catch our other friend on their shift. So today around 11 I told him are we still on for today, he said yes, and I said “ok just let me know when.” Now it is really cold out right now, and our original plan was to bike their, but I figured if it came to it I’d just drive us.
So now it’s half past three, I check snapchat stories and he’s out with his girlfriend. I take this as, “alright he probably wants to go later and we will just miss our friends shift. At this point, I’m getting kinda pissed, so I ask him he we are going or not. He says it’s too cold out, which it is, but I’m still pissed he didn’t think to tell me beforehand. So I call him out on this habit, and he says I did the same thing yesterday. (Yesterday he invited me out to watch a game with some other people but I said I’ll pass because of the game was outside and it’s cold out.) I tell him the difference is that I cancel beforehand and that was it. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9ytyw8Sx1plXMa8qYItByCo7HVBX6Tmo | afwhtk | {
"description": "being upset with my fuck buddy for messaging my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for being upset with my fuck buddy for messaging my best friend? | About a year ago, my best friend (31f) and I (27f) were casually hanging out at a bar with a guy (43m) we had just met who happened to be a friend of a friend. We all ended up drinking too much and ended up back at his hotel room (his occupation involves a lot of traveling, and he comes through my area a few times a year). I was thrilled because I had been eyeing him for a while (we had very briefly encountered each other a few times before through mutual friends), and I expressed my excitement to my friend. Things started getting hot and heavy between the three of us, but my friend fell asleep on the couch whilst he and I continued to hook up.
​
I went home later, but my friend was too drunk and stayed the night. I know they messed around briefly the next morning, but I later further expressed to my friend how interested I was in this guy, and she agreed to let me have this one since I was going through a dry spell.
​
The rest of the week, he and I hung out every night. We had a great time, but I knew his M.O. from the beginning, clearly, because of the circumstances under which we met. I also know other women within my outer friend circle he had slept with, and mutual friends have told me he has women he sees frequently in destinations he visits for work. This didn't bother me as I had recently got out of a long relationship that was sexually unfulfilling, so I wasn't looking for anything serious - I just wanted to have fun, and we always used protection.
​
After that week together, we texted non stop for about a month, then I slowly stopped hearing from him. He let me know a couple months later that he was in town, and we hooked up a couple times. Over the next year he would come by every few months and we'd have a lovely time. My best friend is aware of all this and there isn't any ill will between us. We go to shows, take trips together, and we are each other's confidantes. I know that my friend and and my FWB follow each other on social media, but they don't really have contact.
​
So the current situation: He and I have been texting regularly over the past two months; at least 3-4 times a week. A few days ago he told me he was going to be in town this week, and we've both expressed how much we are looking forward to seeing each other. Except today, he DM'ed my friend sort of suggestively in response to her Instagram story, trying to initiate conversation. She told me right away, and she made brief small talk with him to see if he would try anything, but she eventually just stopped responding. Am I the asshole for being super pissed and wanting to blow him off this week? I don't expect a lot from him, but I feel disrespected.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
DH8XnruyeLaxsOPFVSdxmYaVxlKv4Ivl | 9v1cts | {
"description": "being angry at my friend for driving intoxicated",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being angry at my friend for driving intoxicated? | I know at first glance I am very obviously not the asshole, but the situation is a bit nuanced.
My friend started texting me at about 1:45 in the morning, very obvious drunk texts. He said that he drove to the bar, and I told him to walk back instead of driving. I offered him a ride, but he wanted me to walk to the bar and drive his car. This was Halloween night right when the bars were about to close, and I am a small female. I told him that I wasn’t going to walk over, but that I could drive my car and he could pick up his car in the morning. He declined. So I told him to either walk back, get a ride from a friend (who is a bartender at the bar), or call a cab.
The next morning, he texted me freaking out that he drove back drunk. I told him I have very little sympathy and that he was well aware at the time that he should not be driving. A few days later, he told me that he thinks his drink was spiked with something, since when he blacked out he apparently was acting relatively normal. Talked to his roommate, put away dishes, got a glass of water, etc., and his bartender friend said that he wasn’t acting drunk at the bar. But his texts were very obviously drunk texts, and he was aware enough at the time that he shouldn’t be driving home.
When I told him that I no longer want to speak to him because of his actions, he said a lot of things like how I’m only angry because I would feel guilty about not picking him up if something bad had happened, and that it wasn’t his fault because he thinks he was drugged.
So am I the asshole for 1. Kinda not believing that he was drugged 2. Not walking over to drive him home 3. Telling him that it was his responsibility to find another way home, even if his drink was spiked? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
aHdZdpc1AJStcURK9aG3X8tnUfT5nuiM | b5vo6z | {
"description": "not letting my parents search theough my phone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not letting my parents search theough my phone? | so the other night my parents got back the phone bill and got mad at me because my phone had been charged a fee because i was texting a friend who lives in a different country. i didnt know it would charge me to text someone far away (i know im stupid). they rightfully got mad we got into an argument but now they randomly want to look through my entire phone for everything because this friend i was talking to, i had met online. I refused. they have now canceled my data and keep pushing for me to show whats on my phone. i feel i have a right to some privacy. is there something i am missing? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
nBV2kKtFggsbWFG6Evsx1mZ8im22CXKu | ap1tiv | {
"description": "threatening to leave my boyfriend if I ever got pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 290,
"contranormative_score": 75
} | AITA for threatening to leave my boyfriend if I ever got pregnant? | My boyfriend isn’t the best at respecting my boundaries when it comes to sex. The only birth control we use is condoms. I refuse to go on the pill for a number of reasons. He used to pressure me to let him have sex with me without protection because condoms don’t feel good despite me always telling him no. This was even after I had a pregnancy scare. Finally I put my foot down about it and told him to never ask me about it again. He told me he didn’t take my pregnancy concern that seriously because I would just get an abortion should it happen.
I don’t ever ever want kids and I’ll get an abortion no matter what. But I don’t want to go through the whole emotional toll of having an abortion. I’ve had friends who had abortions and it’s not fucking fun. I also have tokophobia, a fear of pregnancy. Literally every month I get near anxiety attacks because I’m afraid I’m pregnant or will get pregnant. I’m looking into getting my tubes tied and my boyfriend already booked consultations from two different doctors for a vasectomy.
He finally stopped pressuring me and even told me he now understands and empathizes with women who have to go through the gruelling process of pregnancy and abortion. He told me he doesn’t want to do anything that’ll cause me anxiety. But lately he’s been careless again. He was rubbing his dick against my genitals and I was okay with it, then he suddenly just slides it in without my permission. No condom. Raw. I just let it happen for about 20 seconds before I told him to pull out. Shortly after he stuck it inside me again and I told him to pull out.
I’m getting anxiety about being pregnant now even though he claims he wasn’t even close to cumming. He even said he won’t do it ever again, and if I do get pregnant, he’ll support me the whole way. I told him, “No, if I do get pregnant, we’re over.”
He got pretty upset about that statement because I’m threatening him with a breakup over something that’s both our fault. But honestly, I’ll feel extremely disappointed in myself if I do get pregnant and I don’t think I’d be able to look at him again.
AITA for that remark? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 289,
"EVERYBODY": 52,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 290,
"WRONG": 75
} | RIGHT |
JfoFAXC8QjYL9MVAv9hIUaltKy8H2tNv | a41g2s | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for talking on the phone in the library",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend for talking on the phone in the library. | I have been dating her for 1.5 years. She’s a great person and all, but she is one of those girls who don’t seem to understand that libraries are for studying. She’ll regularly go to the library with several of her friends, take up a table, and treat it like the coffee shop. She’s been told off by people trying to study and then she acts like the victim.
This is why I rarely go to my school’s library with her. Im one of those people who need absolute silence to study. Yesterday, she said she wanted me to study for a hard exam with her so I agreed. However, she gets a call from her cousin or something and decides to have a full on normal voiced convo right in the middle of the dead silent library. Nearly everyone within 10 feet turned to look at her. Yet she didn’t even seem to care, just kept talking. I was SO annoyed and told her to stop, but she just glared at me.
Her convo went on for like 10 mins and I got so fed up I just packed my things and left. I wasnt going to waste my time trying to study while also listening to her talk about her cousins new dog. I went to another floor of the library and left her there. She texted me “where r u” and I ignored her.
Then after several hours, I texted her saying that Im sorry, but I really need to study for this exam, and I can’t be distracted. That night when I got home I texted her again and said that I really thought what she did in the library was rude and I don’t want to be with such an inconsiderate person. She freaked out at me and said I was overreacting. I told her she needs to learn to be mindful of other people around her.
TL;DR: Gf had a phone convo in middle of silent library, I had enough and broke up with her over it. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
gmTcSglON0W22om6KsYyAzou3Ya5kxw0 | acbolv | {
"description": "having a serious conversation with a friend about her and others hurtful behavior",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for having a serious conversation with a friend about her and others hurtful behavior? | Alrighty Reddit, long time lurker, first time poster, on mobile, formatting tips appreciated.
People involved:
Myself, about 6 months older than T. Female.
T, my closest friend. Female.
L, a good friend of T's who I do not like. 5 years older than me. Male
W and S, T's two brothers. W is 4 months older than me, S almost 6 years younger.
I have been close friends with T for almost 9 years. We met through our church. L also goes to this church. I do not like L. However, I try to be polite, and have not received any signs that he was offended by my behavior. W and S are good, if not close, friends of all involved. All of them have largely been kind and we all got along for the most part.
However, there have been a few incidents in which they either said or did something seriously hurtful. Most of these have revolved around them not finishing an activity before going to do something without me, or hurriedly finishing something while ignoring me so they can run off.
L also shares interests with everyone but me. They have been raised more rough and tumble, while my family is more introverted, everyone does their own thing, not much outside time.
T also seems biased about activities, sometimes simply refusing to do anything with me, while being perfectly willing to do things with L.
It is entirely possible that I have done something which made them upset with me, as I have issues with my temper. However, no one has said anything to me about this, just seemingly deciding to exclude me. It is also possible that they have been doing things that they like, not knowing that I don't like those things.
I may also be overreacting due to the fact that I have a considerably smaller friend group than everyone else and I am just coming off as clingy.
All the others like L a lot, and seem to go along with anything he suggests.
I rarely decide the activity, and when I try to ask to do something it seems to almost always get shot down by T or L. I have don't often shut down their ideas unless I think the idea is unsafe. However, it is very possible that I am unfairly biased and am being a dictator.
So, would I be the asshole for talking to T privately about these issues? Or is there something I'm not seeing?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yitzXjHZOrx2bl4gsTkBd8Kdz37ywj3d | arzsq1 | null | AITA for my (25F) boyfriend (26M) completely dropping the ball for valentine's day | I've been dating my boyfriend for only 3 and a half months. He gave me a really sweet and thoughtful Christmas present that overwhelmed me because we had been dating less than 2 months (and only actually met a few weeks before officially dating). So I was worried about Valentine's Day and that he would go all out again so last week I tried to shut down anything big. I said I didn't want to make a big deal of Valentine's and I didn't want anything. But I meant like I didn't want jewelry or a giant teddy bear. I should know that guys take things very literally.
I can't say I wasn't expecting anything, because I kind of was. Even after saying I didn't want anything. He came over and said "I did get you something small" with a big smile and he pulls out a chocolate crunch bar...
I know that I'm an idiot for saying I didn't want anything but he didn't even get me a card. I don't know why I thought he would surprise me with at least flowers! I got him a 6 pack of beer from different breweries and cheezits and a card with a dog on it that looked just like his dog! I don't think I did that much but it sucked that I put some effort in and he picked me up a 99 cent candy bar from a gas station.. I sound ungrateful, but it's a candy bar. That I could have bought myself. I just figured flowers or a bottle of wine or a card were kind of standard for Valentine's Day.
Am I the asshole for expecting anything?
TL;DR I told my boyfriend I didn't want to make a big deal of Valentine's Day and when he showed up with a chocolate crunch bar for me I got annoyed. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
Wvx5fUCoVD2OJVDsV5J4Fp99OSxHGZcE | aikx85 | {
"description": "ignoring and blocking my mother",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring and blocking my mother? | Ive always had a rocky relationship with my mom but i kind of faked liking her at all just because she buys affection. I havent told her i loved her or even hugged her in over a decade. Im 23 years old and engaged living independently. The last time i spoke to her was when she came to my house and brought her dog uninvited who almost broke my glass entertainment center and tv. I got mad and she stormed out while i was fixing it. She's a drama queen.
About 2 weeks later i find out my fiance and i arent invited to Christmas with the family because my mom spread lies about us. This is the main reason i blocked her. She invited herself to my house the day after Christmas to give us our presents, but we told her no. She drove up our driveway, threw the box of stuff out her window in my yard and left.
She has sent me quite a few messages since and i havent responded to any. She claims to not know why im ignoring her and said she didnt do anything wrong. Then she asked if my fiance is pregnant and didn't want to tell her. Then she actually harsssed my fiance and said she ruined my relationship with my mom.
Theres also the fact that she lied about my father my entire life and hid him from me. I began talking to him and realized this. My sister ran away at 16 and went to another state because of my mom as well, so its not just me with a problem.
One of the biggest reasons i dont talk things through with her, is because there is no scenario where i dont yell at her to the point where she will probably commit suicide. Shes threatened it before and i feel like she will if i speak up.
TLDR: My mom ruined my relationship with my family, lied about my father, ran off my sister, and harassed my fiance so i blocked her and cut her from my life. Am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BSaJ0sYn7N10uhMgMZLV0R9pvOIzZ316 | a5unzz | {
"description": "not telling an ex-boyfriend who I'm with now",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling an ex-boyfriend who I’m with now? | So, I‘m from a small town in the heartland, the kind where everyone knows everyone else. I moved away after school, got married, then divorced, yadda yadda. This was well before the advent of social media, and I didn’t really keep up with everyone; howeve, many of us are connected now. (Thanks Zuckerberg!)
A couple of years after my 10 year marriage ended, one of my old classmates (”L”) and I began an online flirtation. He was recently divorced, and lived about 1.5 hours from me. L had been small, short and awkward growing up, but had a growth spurt after graduation, became a successful career professional, was active at church, Boy Scouts, had two great kids, etc. We started dating, but OMG things got weird with him fast. Growing up awkward seemed to make him determined to prove his manliness, and he spent so much time at strip clubs, flirting (and more) with women in his Scout Den, at work, etc. Add a fake pregnancy with a recent ex, nude pictures of me while I was sleeping, and some cruelty to me (I am a bit overweight), and that was that. It ended, in 2010. He got married the next year, and was old news.
Fast forward a eight years, and now I am engaged and living with another former classmate (“R”). Again, Facebook put us back in touch. We’ve been together three years, and live together. R knows about L, and the fustercluck that ensued. I should also mention R has always been very tall and strong.
A few weeks ago, I got an IM from L on Facebook Messenger, asking how I was. I asked him “how can I help you?”, and his first question was if I was in a relationship. I said yes, but didn’t elaborate. Basically L said he was getting a divorce, had been “manipulated” into marriage, was sorry for how he treated me and has thought of me every day. LMAO. I tersely thanked him for his apology; he sent his phone number “in case I ever needed anything”, and I blocked him.
R is really ticked that I didn’t tell L that we are together and engaged. R asked me for L’s phone number, but I didn’t give it to him. I told him that L was in my past, and I really didn’t want him knowing anything about my life now. R doesn’t really get it, but seemed to be ok after a while. He did mention it again this week, but only in passing.
AITA for not giving L’s phone number to R, and just wanting that awfulness to be in my past?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QdcwXXkNaA2fZ3ojyuCJ5wCxQmLKfeTD | adpu09 | {
"description": "ghosting on a 15-year friendship",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for ghosting on a 15-year friendship? | WIBTA for deciding, after 15 years, that a friendship has run its course? I’ll try to keep this short.
Throughout the life of my friendship with J, she’s had a charming habit of absolutely blowing up at me out of the blue every couple of years. The first time was two days before Christmas, about six years ago, when she hit me with a text barrage of abuse about how I never had time for her anymore. Her criticism may have been valid, though I was doing my best despite some extenuating personal circumstances - but the way she blew up out of nowhere was alarming. Within a few days, she was back to normal, as though she’d never said those horrible things, but I spent some time feeling like I was walking on eggshells around her.
I’d finally started to feel like things were back to normal when, about a year and a half ago, she had another explosion at me. This time it was right after my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, because J’s timing is always impeccable. We’d been out at a drinks event, she got drunk and silly and was annoying other patrons at a pizza place (to the point where we almost got kicked out), and when I tried to rein her in, she snapped again. Every grievance she’d ever had against me came pouring out (including some situations I remembered quite differently - for instance, an incident she remembered as me being “mean to her” was actually one that I another friend recalled for her being vicious toward me).
A month or two went by before she’d talk to me again, and only on the grounds that I copped to everything and apologized. Why? I don’t know. I haven’t held onto that many friends from high school (I was a shy, insecure kid who didn’t have many to start with, and you know, life changes.) I suppose I didn’t want to lose J.
By last summer, I finally felt like we were in a good place - I was asked to be maid of honor in her wedding, and helping her plan was a fun experience. In September, I threw her bachelorette party, with everything she wanted. And no, she didn’t blow up at me - but she absolutely lost it on one of her bridesmaids. Again, a small slight spun into a recitation of every time this girl had ever looked at her cross-eyed. Y’all, I am not exaggerating when I say that it spun out into a literal five-hour screaming, sobbing tantrum. It was honestly scary at times, and I never imagined anyone could feel so hard-done-by at the end of a twelve-hour party in their sole honor, but apparently it’s possible. I realized that night that I’ll never NOT feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her - I’ll always be afraid of the next blowup. This is more than a legitimate fear - despite copious apologies made and accepted, she really likes to remind me of when I “used to be mean to her.”
And to be honest, while she likes to pride herself on being a good friend (the subject of part of her tantrum) she has...not really been for me. A few years ago, I took her on a weekend away to a theme park in Florida, paying for her airfare and hotel, which Inwas happy to do, hoping to give her a good memory since her mom had passed the year before. While we were there, a close family member of mine went on hospice. When she walked out of the bathroom and heard the news, all she said was, “I hope this won’t spoil my trip.” Any question I had about whether I could leave her the room and fly home died on my lips. My family member was unresponsive when I got home two days later and I never got to say goodbye - while spending the weekend swallowing down my grief to keep her happy. This is only one incident that stuck with me and still hurts - I don’t keep a catalog of wrongs, as she apparently does. But in the history of our friendship, she has never shown support when I might have needed it - despite times when I’ve dropped everything to be with her.
This is why it’s coming to a head - I got engaged over Christmas to a wonderful, kind, patient man (who deserves the world and CERTAINLY not to be subjected to this level of drama). J knew it would be coming and has mentioned multiple times that she expects to be in my wedding as I was in hers just a few months ago. Quite apart from fearing that she’ll use it as an excuse to throw another fit - which seems more likely than not, and is something I don’t want to put my fiancée, family, and other friends through - I simply don’t want her support. We aren’t planning a big wedding, but I would like to have the women I care about at my side on that day to mark the importance they’ve had and will continue to have in my life. I don’t want J there - I don’t want to be friends anymore with someone who treats people like she does. I don’t even want to tell her that I don’t want to be in her life anymore - it’ll be a huge, crying, angry mess with more attacks flung at me than I care to deal with. Even telling her that I’d like her at the wedding but not in it will be, I think, more than she can handle maturely.
Here’s my question, then: would I be the asshole for simply dropping out of this drama? Cutting off contact, not responding to messages, ignoring the verbal haranguing that is sure to come my way?
Tl;dr Longtime friend is subject to throwing fits. WIBTA for ghosting her right after her wedding and as I’m preparing for my own? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XVfxXvfmxvhOjd6UeQk98tFgYVj4m09d | aeplen | {
"description": "not wanting to share my tv account passwords",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to share my tv account passwords?? | A friend of mine is always asking to use my Netflix, Cable, Audible passwords and I really want to say no so I usually just try not to respond to her messages when she asks me. I feel like it’s not like socially acceptable to say no lol. AITA for not wanting to share them though?? And if not how can I *nicely* get her to stop asking?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
z8kk73bmNw6NbSziNmsaAceoDMgKFtHp | av0fm5 | {
"description": "being upset with my boyfriend for 'disrespecting' a family tradition",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset with my boyfriend for ‘disrespecting’ a family tradition? | Hey guys,
So I’ve just immigrated to another country from the UK with my long term boyfriend, and I’ve really been struggling to adjust and I’ve been feeling quite down. Something that brought me comfort today, was talking about an English tradition we have on Shrove Tuesday called “pancake day” - which is pretty self explanatory.
Anyway, I was telling our friends about how we would spend it with my grandma and it was/is a treasured memory I have, and that I want to celebrate it in our new home this year.
My boyfriend, who is European kept saying how he doesn’t get the tradition, and “why limit yourself to having pancakes once a year” / “there are pancakes food trucks in Europe where you can have one everyday”. “I celebrated it once at uni and I thought It was stupid”.
This definitely put a dampener on the whole conversation, but I later brought it up that it had upset me, not the whole thinking it’s stupid, but that he still complained about it, even though I had explained a personal reason as to why I like it so much. (I don’t have many good family memories, so this one is so important to me). He brushed it off and told me I was stupid to cause an argument over nothing.
I would never force him into traditions he doesn’t want to celebrate, but AITA for feeling hurt that he has berated a traditional I hold in such high regard??
TLDR: boyfriend called a tradition I love “stupid”
AITA for being upset with him?
Thank you! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1MbpyM6de05God9gfRO0vyhLY0Hr0Qgu | b226xp | {
"description": "wanting to go to art school despite my family's financial situation",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to go to art school despite my family's financial situation? | It's been my dream to be a professional illustrator all my life. I've drawn ever since I was a kid and my family has been very supportive up until now. However, recently my mom lost her job, and she was a big breadwinner in my family. We have significantly less money now. I'm a junior in high school and this has really thrown a wrench in my college plans. My family has now done a full 180 on how they feel about my career choice, and they want me to major in Computer Science so I can guarantee a job (I've dabbled in coding before and I'm okay at it, I just don't enjoy it). I feel as though I'll be miserable if I'm not working towards my ultimate dream of being a professional illustrator, and I've expressed this, but it feels like no one cares anymore.
​
I get that they're more concerned about money now, but it feels like a betrayal to me because they always promised me they would support my dreams of doing art. Then again, I see how it can be really selfish of me to want to continue on a path that doesn't guarantee me financial stability when my family's financial situation is unstable itself.
​
AITA for wanting to continue following my dreams, even if they're arguably impractical under the circumstances? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RShM6UxjdKdo0NwlSSbOvSip082YplKO | acqy5r | {
"description": "telling my roommate he needs to go",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my roommate he needs to go? | Last fall, we (myself and fiancee) offered up our basement room (with its own private full bathroom) to a friend in desperate need of a place to stay. He doesn't make a lot and also has a dog, which made finding an affordable place difficult. I felt bad and let him stay with us which was a move that I now think I made too quickly. It was agreed that this would be temporary. He said he needed till the end of 2019. He said his goal was to move to BC and find a place of his own. I was hesitant to agree to this. My fiancee and I are getting married in August and well, I thought this would be kind of weird?? But I said okay, hoping this time would give him a chance to form a plan for himself. I've known him for a long time and I know he isn't the most responsible financially. He has a ton of credit card debt, adopted a dog when he probably shouldn't have and tends to spend frivolously when he probably should be saving etc etc etc...
A little background info: We share a common group of friends. For the last 10 years since his parents kicked him out, he's been living in one of our basement's. His rent is $360/month utilities included. His rent has NEVER INCREASED. He got kicked out of one friends basement and then moved to another. Was kicked out again and now he is here with me. I never knew why but I think I might now...
Fast forward to today: Over the last few months, he's argued with me on a few things and it's really rubbed me the wrong way. When he moved in, he misunderstood me saying, "we don't really use our basement" to mean he gets to take over our entire basement. After he moved in, he had quite literally taken over the whole basement. His stuff was EVERYWHERE. He'd moved my stuff so his stuff without asking so that his stuff would fit. He installed stuff all over my walls in the basement without asking. He basically turned the basement into his own living room. When I told him he had to move as much of his stuff into the room he was renting, he threw a tantrum. He was so fixated on my comment and felt I was taking back something we had agreed upon (which we did not). To this day, he still has stuff all over my basement...
He says he enjoys hosting guests. Which would be fine if it were once in a while and maybe a few guests at a time. But this is not the case. Ex. One weekend, he showed up unannounced with 8 friends in tow, had 4 guests over the next day, then 6-7 guests the day after. He argued with me that he should be able to host guests 1-2x a week. And he often hosts 6+ guests at a time. This has been very hard for me as I'm a very busy person and coming home to a quiet place is my time to relax.
He likes to host D&D. But they come over Sunday nights...and then they stay over late. Like 11pm. I work early in the mornings and often have to be AT work for 7:30 am. Getting him to agree to a 10:00 curfew was like pulling teeth. I had to compromise with 10:30...
His dog sheds a LOT. It's been so frustrating because I end up having to do the bulk of the cleaning. When I asked him to pitch in to sweep once a week. He told me I just have a really high standard of cleanliness...
Last but not least, he smokes marijuana. A LOT of it. I don't have a problem with it, but I do have a problem with the smell. IT STINKS. I claims he doesn't smoke indoors but holy crap does it ever smell strong.
There are other issues but these are the things that stand out to me. We've come to some agreements and compromises, but it's his attitude about discussing things that has me really stressed out. It's been a few months and I honestly don't know if I can handle him being here for another whole year. **Long story short? I feel taken advantage of**. $360/month rent is unheard of. In my area for something similar would easily go for at least double that amount. I did it because we are friends and I hoped it would help him save up and make a plan for himself. But so far, he hasn't made ANY plans for himself and instead continues to spend frivolously, eating out, buying things he doesn't need...and of course all of the issues above.
So I told him this morning that I think he needs to re-consider his deadline and move out in August when my fiancee and I are getting married. We just want to move forward with married life and have kids after the wedding and I don't really want to deal with the stress of him being here. He threw another tantrum and flipped out on me. He came home today and basically holed himself in his room downstairs. AITA here?
​
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
PJwkcoIshDXEzk3iWCpQG0ooccFANnJb | aqy4vs | {
"description": "moving out of home",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for moving out of home? | Throwaway account cause I don't want this getting linked back to me irl. I'm 18, and as the title suggests, am in the process of moving out of my house.
To make a long story short, I'm doing this because my parents have, since I started school, put an immense amount of pressure on me, which has resulted in some fucked up mental health over the years. It's kind of their way of showing that they love me, but it's always been really detrimental to me. I've told them that they put a lot of pressure on me multiple times now, and their response has always just been 'we're not putting pressure on you'. Needless to say, it didn't really help.
It's probably important to know that we've argued a lot, especially my mother and I, and while I'd like to say it's their unrealistic expectations I'm probably just as much at fault for our kinda crappy relationship.
In September 2017, I told them about my mental health, which included suicidal thoughts. My mother had a complete breakdown (didn't really help the situation but fair enough, it's pretty hardcore stuff) but my father decided to insult me because of it, calling me out for being weak and saying I 'didn't know anything about true suffering'. Note that I didn't tell them they had anything to do with my mental health; I blamed it all on school (which was more or less true as well). My parent's reactions resulted in me coming very close to attempting suicide in the coming days. I didn't tell them about this either, and have not to this day.
My parents are also a little homophobic, and I'm bi, which doesn't help. I think this is more of a lack of understanding and the way they were raised rather than outright bigotry, so it's probably not that important.
When I told them I was moving out, they were pretty distraught. Tears were shed, alcohol was consumed and so far they're asking me to stay, at least for 6 more months. My mother has flat out refused to accept the idea that I'm leaving, and then she cried like she thought I was going to die. Keeping in the theme of things, I didn't tell them that they were the main reason I'm moving out. As of the present moment, I'm still going ahead moving out.
This probably seems pretty clean cut, but the problem is my parents have changed since then. They're not the same people from late 2017, they actually care about me and my mental health now. I've graduated from school, so the pressure has been lifted for the most part. It's not the same shitty environment that I'm trying to escape. The caveat is I don't care about them. I haven't forgiven them for what they've done, even if they didn't ever *really* mean to hurt me. They still love me, but I don't think I love them anymore.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1NynNZMXNMtT0lU1AOWWMcVq0NgVd3ge | ba5tsc | {
"description": "letting my girlfriend choose whether she's going to watch the Endgame with me or with her friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for letting my(M21) girlfriend(F23) choose whether she's going to watch the Endgame with me or with her friends? | So, my girlfriend and her life long friends agreed to watch the Avengers: Endgame a year ago together. Now flash forward to November last year. We got together already and I met her friends also. Her friends were nice, they're cool to get along with. Now flash forward to today, it turned out that the Premiere night of Endgame coincidentally fell on a work night for me. And they already agreed to watch it on that specific day. I don't ever wanna whine up about who I watch wanna watch it with or something, but the MCU has been a huge for me. And I wanna watch it with her because aside from she knows exactly how huge it is for me and what not, I wanna watch it with someone who I really want to spend the rest of my life with. Enough of the romantic bs. So I kinda told her that, if you could still wait for another day after it premieres then we can already watch it together. If she chooses to watch it together with her friends, I'm gonna be ultimately sad about it. No BS. I mean, I could just kept it to myself and tell her that it's okay, you can do what you want all, you can watch it together with your friends, but I would be sad about it.
So i guess the question here is, Am I the Asshole for partly making my girlfriend decide if she's gonna come with her friends or watch the endgame with me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
9hSKjgpkbC76uell1HJJkNlkiUryJLhS | aplk46 | {
"description": "being upset when my school allowed students and teachers around toxic gas",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset when my school allowed students and teachers around toxic gas? | Sorry about any errors im on mobile and this is my first post here
So a little backstory. I was in my science classs when some kid whipped out a crushed iphone. A few people (including myself) would check it out when the teacher wasnt looking. The battery was already messed up, like bent and whatnot so inevitably it exploded. Nobody was seriously hurt (as far as i know as of now, since it was a small fire and it was on a tile floor) but there was a tooonnn of gas from the lithium ion battery. A fire drill was called and the school was evacuated- temporarily.
Most of the school hallways are outside, and the place is really spread out. The only place that was affected was the 8th grade section but the whole placed REEKED of fumes. After the fire drill (the fire department was never called or notified) we were all let back into our regular areas and classrooms. The only classroom that was evacuated fully was the one where the battery exploded. I didnt want to be around that, so i went to the office. Janitors took out the battery and put fans in the room, probably with nothing more than doctors masks. Poor guys.
Anyway, while i was in the office they said they had people from the district testing to see if it was safe.
First off, why do you have people there if you dont even know if its okay?
I reserched lithium ion batteries and know that they give off toxic fumes and dont want myself or others getting hurt, so i beleive the school handled the situation incorrectly and didnt care about the well being of the students or teachers.
I was texting my father to see if i could get some sort of sense for this situation, and he said that hed come pick me up, personally check it out, and if he didnt smell anything that i was gonna be in some huge trouble (this was hours after it happened and his nose is messed up, since its been broken like 8 times.) I was upset with him, and he got upset at me.
AITA for being pissed with the schools decision and my father for being an ass about it?
TLDR a lithium ion battery exploded, gave off a ton of fumes and the school barely did anything about it. Father got pissed at student (me) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
y4EwYZZVxN4woI4WWZdvcy2RKCgR3P6F | a69rl6 | {
"description": "telling my friend that I'm not her personal therapist",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my friend that I'm not her personal therapist? | So this happened just an hour ago. My (m) female friend is super toxic. We met a year ago and used to talk a lot during the beginning but over the months we talk maybe once a month or something. I don't consider her a close friend, she's between an acquantince and a friend. I just see her on the regular cause we have classes together. We don't talk.
So it's finals week and I'm studying for my exam at the library. She runs into me and starts casually talking about her guy problems. In the past she's talked about it and I've tried to indirectly communicate (such as changing the topic, ignoring the issue subtly and shifting it to something else) that I do not want to listen to her problems.
I usually don't have problems with talking about things, but she always talks about the same problems with me and it's extremely toxic. Secondly, she's done a few things that indirectly hurt me. For example, she insists to go with me to a concert but when we get there, she tells me to not stick with her cause she's trying to hang out with a guy who ghosted on her.
She starts talking about the same things while I'm trying to prepare for my final. I snap and I tell her "I'm not trying to be rude but I'm not your personal therapist. I don't wanna talk about these things and I'd appreciate it if you let me study".
What followed was a 2 minute awkward silence and then she just left. I feel a little bad but I've had enough. So people, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
9rUdk9fJDeuTsV8XzvFSV1DFIwztJeWS | aog28p | {
"description": "telling their friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Telling Their Friends? | This has been bugging me for awhile and after lurking Reddit, I decided to finally get this off my chest. I'm in a relationship when this happens. There's a small character cast:
Me: A trans-demi male artist.
Rose: My best friend of 12 or so years.
Steve Mc'Tits: You'll understand why.
I'm a member of (Insert writing site here) and I love to talk to people when I'm pulling all-nighters to get shit done, since it works better than coffee to keep me up. So I'm situated with my water bottle and some snacks Rose left for me, since I'm currently staying at their place, it's about 4:12 in the morning. I accept a request from some guy, still shaken after we had a false intruder scare so I say something like "Oh my shit, what a night. Anyways, how are you?" Or some stupid greeting.
He says "hi," we start talking about what happened earlier, the topic veers a hard right to art so he asks to have my Discord because he wants to see my pieces.
Bad idea #1. I add the guy, (Steve Mc'Tits or 'Steve' for short), send over a piece or two I'm proud of. It's fine until something like this happens.
Steve: You're single right? Let me see your boobs.
Me: ... What?
Steve: You're a girl so I should see your tits. Pleaaase let me see them. (there's a hint of r/justneckbeardthings to this asshole right about now.) I promise I won't judge. What cup size?
It's late and I am DONE already at this point.
Me: Fuck you! I'm not a girl.
I proceeded to explain that I am a trans demi male, saving up for surgery soon and it's not okay to ask ANYONE to see pictures, especially when people aren't comfortable with those parts. It's painful to try and explain why it hurts so much. (Dysphoria is a bitch.)
But Steve immediately jumps to this:
Steve: Trans people should go fuck off and die. They don't deserve to be treated like people.
I did not block him. I went off and off until I was done and then I did, but I told ALL of his friends what happened, sent out screen caps and everything. To this day I still feel shitty about it, though I've had people tell that it wasn't okay to go off, I should have just blocked him, not told his friends, etc. AITA for not just blocking the guy? Sorry this is so long, I have to get this off my chest. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4zYm5cvKHcnhAubYwwdfbv5HonkKi0NV | b4lqab | {
"description": "thinking about leaving my wife because she is adopting her nieces and nephew",
"pronormative_score": 646,
"contranormative_score": 120
} | AITA for thinking about leaving my wife because she is adopting her nieces and nephew? | Obvious throwaway because I have friends who know my personal account.
​
So I've known my wife for 9 years, we dated for 5, and we've been married for just under 6 months. She comes from an insanely toxic family, she was emancipated at 16 and to this day refuses to speak to any of her family. They are all addicted to meth and her sister to meth + anything she can get her hands on. Her sister has 3 kids, ages 9 months (F), 6 years (M), and 13 years (F). My wife began taking care of these children when the first was born when she was only 7 years old because no one else would. For whatever reason CPS never took the kids away despite near constant monitoring and the last my wife knew of these kids was 3 years ago when she permanently cut her family off.
​
Her parents always assumed she would adopt any children her sister produced (this actually was the beginning of the rift that led to her cutting her parents off) and were never shy about it. When we started dating (She was 15, I was 17) I told her that if she adopted those kids then the relationship wouldn't work out because if I am having kids they are going to need to be my own. She agreed and said she had no desire to ever adopt those kids.
I just deleted like 5 paragraphs worth of useless details because I'm just ranting. I will just get to the point, so out of the blue last week she tells me that she feels guilty about leaving the children behind and she is planning on reaching out to her sister to formally adopt them. I told her hell no, I made it clear very early on that I do not want to raise those kids. She told me that she assumed I would "grow out of it" and accept them. We argued and have been arguing over and over for days now about her decision. She has since reached out to her sister and has started the process of adopting the children. The oldest girl is pregnant, the middle child is a decent kid, and the youngest one only got out of prenatal ICU 5 months ago due to the mother's incessant abuse of drugs during pregnancy. I am 22, she is 20. I think even if I wanted to adopt these kids I would still want to say no due to our age and financial situation (She works at a make up store, I work at a grocery store for fucks sake)
​
I haven't straight up told her that I am planning on leaving yet but I've already told my parents that if she doesn't stop then that is my plan. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 86,
"OTHER": 473,
"EVERYBODY": 34,
"NOBODY": 173,
"INFO": 7
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 646,
"WRONG": 120
} | RIGHT |
5fSJ9WI035B0i5QOlie7NGmd7kKL6T17 | ahud8t | {
"description": "getting into a fight with my gf about sticky fingers",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting into a fight with my GF about sticky fingers? | Recently I found out my GF has throughout the past stolen small value items in large name brand stores. When I found out about it I was not okay and said it changed how I thought about her. she got very mad saying it has only been items of incredibly low value from corporations sporadically. I said that the principal of the act is what really bugs me and the total lack of remorse. Am I the asshole for making this such a big deal? Does that really not matter or is it as messed up as I think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5uYVXWor7CKkIjBOphC3ebj3l2sfE9TN | b4knm4 | {
"description": "upsetting my gf by hanging out with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for upsetting my gf by hanging out with my friends? | So this actually happened today. Last week I( m21) told my gf (22) I was gonna spend the friday with my bois, and that we were going to have a lan party. She really doesn't like me gaming or having a lan party, but I guess that is because she doesn't like gaming overall. So everything was fine and all that, the lan party was fun as always, but today when I came back home to my gf, she was upset because she had been alone the whole day (I came home at 5pm), and she was going to leave to visit her parents. She was clearly upset at me for not coming home earlier but am I in the wrong here? Am I not allowed to hangout with my friends just because she had nothing to do at home? I mean, she also has friends and I've never been upset at her for hanging out with her friends. This has also happened before. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ISrO6ZOGnk5jhDn8LiqZ10TxYh40M35c | ayiq4d | {
"description": "not giving a women my seat on the tram",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving a women my seat on the tram | So basically I woke up late for tafe. I suffer thalasima major and I just get so tired. There was only once seat left on the tram and I always stand cause I hate disturbing people this time I decided to sit next to someone.
The next stop a women gets on my tram and sais “excuse me can I sit down you’re a male and so you’re legs are stronger” I replied “sorry ma’am I’m so tired if I stand I will faint but I’m sure somone will get off soon”
She then got heated and said. “This is so sexist you’re not standing because I’m a women, pig” really loudly and the person next to me sais mate just get up don’t be rude. She thanks the person next to me and I felt ganged up on. I told them if you were in my position what would you do. They said” always stand up for a lady don’t be rude.”
I would always stand for people who need it but why should I stand just because I’m a male
AITA for refusing to stand? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tgOonbFjjqk4LZoN1axFsSaAEuOQfvPt | a6ijp8 | {
"description": "not caring about a local issue my government class voted on",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not caring about a local issue my government class voted on? | So to give some background, I'm a senior in high school. I have a government class and my teacher got some new curriculum called Generation Citizen. The whole point of it is to have students vote to work on a local issue and then work towards talking to local politicians and people in power to make some sort of change happen. So. he divided us into groups a while and had us come up with an issue, then we would present each issue the groups came up with, and then collectively voted on that as a whole. In the end, we were about to do something regarding veterans, I don't really remember for sure what is was. But, as the very last group is going, this one student from their group goes up to the front of the class, and gives a whole testimony about how he is homeless. After his speech, most of the votes go to helping "youth homelessness". Let me drop some statistics here. In my school district in California, which has been known to have homeless problems, there is an estimated 3-5% of homeless students in my school district. I was thinking the whole time, "There's no way a tiny high school class is going to solve youth homelessness." I did more research and found that a lot of millions of dollars have gone into helping with this issue along with multiple organizations in our area that are working on the issue 24/7. So, there's no way we can really solve the whole issue. Fast forward to the past 2-3 weeks. This student doesn't even show up to class anymore, and I mention this to other people and they felt that it's dumb that he came, changed a bunch of votes, and dipped. It's like he didn't even show up to his own pity party. So I'm assuming now that a lot of the people don't want to work on this issue anymore and probably want to change it. I recommended to my teacher that we do something that affects all students in the entire school district which was open campus. This means that any student can leave campus to go get food and as long as they come back before lunch ends, you wouldn't be in any trouble. But people already sneak out to get food anyways. My teacher's response was, "If we let students go during lunch to buy their own food, then people who can't afford to get food will feel bad or feel left out." I responded with the fact that we have vending machines at our school, so wouldn't someone who couldn't afford something from the vending machine feel the same way? So it wouldn't even be different from that. The whole point of this is that we don't even want to work on this issue, and the only real change that my teacher made to this was to have a plan to create a "Youth Task Force for Homeless Youth" because who can relate to youth better than the youth. But nobody even wants to be a part of the task force. We feel a little forced to work on this issue now even though people voted how they wanted to after being swayed by the homeless student's speech. I didn't vote for it, but the majority of people did, and I'm sure they regret it. At this point, we collectively do not care about working on our issue as much anymore, and would rather do something else.
​
In conclusion...AITA for not caring about this issue and trying to protest it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
ELzMSP8mdsDgR2alA6HwgpxAppfUPIsm | a9220r | {
"description": "wanting new friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting new friends? | Okay so short story I'm 20 now I've been friends with this group of friends since I was 13, they've been there through ups and downs, we've had our own ups and downs, I've been a lending hand for them as they had for me when we're down. Overall this is a group of brothers and I wouldn't call it anything else. Even people from outside the group have said they've never seen any other group of friends so close. We are still all really close but have grown up. Between work and school for all of us we still get to hang out a lot. But lately I've been noticing how close minded some of these people are and how their main focus is smoking weed. A couple of these friends have even gone as far to befriend my exes (they know how much I loved her) now boyfriend. I've told them that this bothers me and they dont care, they're getting a good hookup on weed. They do things sometimes that hurt my feelings and I try to communicate but they don't listen just keep doing the same things. Basically we're a different points where we stand at mentally. I personally want to finish school and become a psychologist and just be a successful man, I communicate my dreams and goals all of the time but they don't they're just stuck in this small town selling and smoking weed. I could go on and on but really I just want to know am I the asshole for wanting to move on from these guys?
It's not like they've ever really done anything wrong but they're cancer to me mentally and career wise. It just sucks because I can not make friends to save my life so if I dump these guys I'll be the loneliest person alive. This was more of a rant than anything but I just want to know AITA for wanting to get rid of them? Even though they've done nothing wrong and have always kind of been there | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.