id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
BPgKGLzfUerWrmlt3IADzKFi2axu6VQW | au40n3 | null | AITA mom mad i offered dad money to fix his car | Ok some context a couple years ago i was in a car accident(i was not the driver and it was not the drivers fault) and i had to go to a doctor
So now i am getting money for that this has caused a strain in me and my moms relationship(i don't know what to call it so i will call it a relation ship). I found out that my dads car was breaking down(he needs a car for his job) well i offered him the money he turned it down and now my mom is mad that i didn't offer he any of it
P.s. i am a teenager
P.s.s. the judge said that all the money must go to my wants and needs.
P.s.s.s. my mom and dad are separated | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Udxz2w9aK1nxcna8EbMWxuzUY6Rh3ZLw | 9u0ele | {
"description": "potentially destroying some guy/girl's marriage over an online game",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for potentially destroying some guy/girl's marriage over an online game? | Alt, for reasons that will shortly be obviously. Given the context of what I was doing beforehand I expect to be judged, but I'm more interested in about what happened after.
 
So I was playing an online sex based rpg (worthy of an r/confessions post in its own right). Game is simple in concept, make a character, find other people, invite them to your place, etc. After looking at a few people, I found a girl (female profile) who's profile said she was a guy in a bad marriage and wanted to be treated like a submissive girl.
 
So I invite him to my place, and instead of doing the hankey-pankey, I just ask him if he wants to talk about his marriage situation. To make a long conversation short, he's stuck in a loveless marriage, he and his wife aren't sexually compatible, and she goes out for "coffee" at least once per day. He's a closet transsexual, he can't come out because he lives in a conservative eastern european village (no idea where exactly), and can't crossdress because his wife is unemployed and at home all the time (at least when she's not out for "coffee"). His town has no marriage councelling services or even normal therapy services available.
 
After listening to him for a while, I came to the (obvious) conclusion that his wife is the biggest burden in his life and one of the only things stopping him from being happy. I really hammered down the point of seing a therapist, but I think me mentionning divorce might have been a deal breaker. He thanked me after the conversation and left. I got no way to track him or know what happened.
 
Did I just break some guy/girl's marriage over a sex-themed video game? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cP9V2AHdlc54OrjMV5UeaLZb3kZdz5Wv | aup3ww | {
"description": "calling my friend fake. did I go too far",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling my friend fake. Did i go too far? | I don't think I'm a bad friend. I always invite him to my house and he eats dinner with us when he comes over. I bought him a tie one time in school during the break because the principal was doing an inspection and anyone who didn't have a tie would get a Friday detention and told him not to pay me back. He was struggling with maths and I tutored him for free and he went from an F to a B. I give him money when he forgets his lunch when he asks me and I even let him look at my answers in a physics test 2 weeks ago because he didn't study. He is also friends with the "popular" kids and whenever they come around he acts like I don't exist and walks off with them for example today during break we were walking and talking and the "popular" kids came around he just walked off like I wasn't there. He only sits beside me in class during class tests because he knows he can cheat off me because he knows I study a lot and he says that I'm too nice and I apparently make him look nerdy when the "popular" kids come around. Idk even what that means.
I called him fake today and he told him he just uses me and that the friendship was one sided and he called me jealous and he told me to talk to different people from now on. Did I go too far? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
A1XYG4ygF87JAwEEz3HqmJoig3SoUraM | b6xr5h | null | AITA if my room smells? | I rent a one room apartment and every time the maintenance man or the janitor rolls around, they say "My room is dirty and/or it smells like sweat". And every time there's like, 0 explanation, I spend a few hours making sure it's clean for when they show up, then they show up and act like the fact that there's furniture in the room is an offense to the sanitary code. Someone from the governement actually came to deliberate on that and said it's pretty clean. Personally, I can hardly smell anything in this entire apartment block, but everyone who comes to visit me says it smells like sweat, cigarette and "like the janitor mops the floor with his own puke" regardless of where you are in the block. When I ask about my room, because I've gotten self-conscious since the janitor's been doing this for about 4 years now, they just say "It's not nearly as bad as in the corridors" and that's been at least 2 people's responses so far (I can't remember if i asked the third)
Obviously I can't make you smell my room so that you can deliberate on if it does smell, I'm just saying, everyone I know thinks the entire block smells like sweat.
Now for what I actually do to keep the room clean: I wash the bedsheets at least least once every 2 months if not once a month. I wash my clothes every time the laundry basket is full. I regularly sweep the place because I hate getting little crumb things stuck to my feet before I get in bed. I have bought 2 trashcans, with the second one to put soda cans in so they don't stay on the floor in a bag. I actually started letting my neighbor just take the cans so I can stop procrastinating bringing them to the store.
Here's the grey area of uncertainty about the intention behind their actions.
1) There's been a bedbug problem in this apartment for like 4 years now and they're convinced I've been the cause of it because the first time it happened the bedbugs ruined my futon's wooden base and I had to throw it out. They've been trying to kick me out over it since.
2) One of the other neighbors has acknowledged once that my room does smell like sweat after I left the door open to aerate. It was during the hottest week of that summer and I was using my laundry basket to hold the door so it is possible it's been a problem with my laundry all along. I started holding the door open with a gallon of detergent instead and I haven't heard about the sweat smell since.
3) It could just smell because I spend all day in my room, but I have a severe back injury so it's not like I can just go walk around all day and come back to a fresh smelling empty room just to please the staff. However I do shower **at least** once every 2-3 days or every day I do physical labor and I use antiperspirant, so it's not like that other guy who lives here who just diffuses the scent of armpits wherever he goes. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5wROhA48aH97TWquY4PtyDPDau5n36ig | atwbvb | {
"description": "using a mobility aid when I don't need one",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for using a mobility aid when I don't need one? | This scooter has been used for a few years by my grandfather to get around when he got older. Now his health has deteriorated so much he can't use anything but a wheelchair pushed by family. He decided to pass the electric mobility scooter down to me. A fully able-bodied woman. I feel like an a-hole using the thing because I can walk just fine, but I don't have a car and honestly riding around on it is just my version of having a lot of fun and getting fresh air. Is it bad to use it like this? What do you all think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZI565tWAUbbEl8LRBY2RmPa8J61LEtc7 | aj8ngy | {
"description": "changing my Amazon password",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for changing my Amazon password? | I am the only one in my family with Amazon Prime. I let my mother watch Prime Video and she pays for Netflix in return. Recently, my mother asked for the password to my Amazon Prime account to buy something. She said it would be just one thing, so I gave her the password. Well, that one thing turned into lots of things. My inbox blew up with information about her purchases. Sometimes she accidentally used my credit card instead of hers, but she would always pay me back. I figured everything was okay until she started returning things. This shirt is the wrong color. That rug doesn't match the living room. Things like that. I asked her repeatedly to please stop returning things, but every time she would threaten to cut off Netflix if I changed the password. Finally, I got a warning about the amount of returns from my account. So I changed the password. I made sure she could still watch Prime Video, but she can't shop on my account. I left Prime Video on as a peace offering. I'll have to pay for my own Netflix.
​
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kHkW4zSJEvnjEFGaFi6HDsfUpgdaciE6 | awp8fj | {
"description": "not acknowledging people I used to hang out with for most of my early and late teens",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not acknowledging people I used to hang out with for most of my early and late teens? | I had a lot of mental health issues that I was dealing with in middle and high school that I didn’t know were mental health issues. Mostly because people were too busy laughing at my crazy Facebook posts that were, in hindsight, obvious calls for help. Including some people who were supposed to be really good friends and could have definitely pulled me to the side and asked me if something was wrong or why I seemed so weird and manic on social media but I was never that way when we would hang out or chill. They even took steps to make life a little harder for me sometimes by telling me obvious lies about why no one in the entire friend group was trying to hang out some days(surprise, everyone thought I was an idiot and didn’t want me to come over so they could talk about how “crazy” my last Facebook post was)
Long story short Ive been in the process of getting that help for a few years now and have since pretty much stayed away from social media in terms of interacting or commenting on people’s profiles and use it mostly to keep up with news (and memes). I also made new friends out of high school in college and feel like Im an overall more “stable” and “happy” person
I also now find it kind of cruel and cringe a little whenever I see people shit on each other’s social media accounts because at the end of the day the very idea of having a social media account is a silly and vain concept to begin with. But that’s just my opinion.
But now whenever I see my “old friends” from Highschool, or pretty much anyone from Highschool, in public I act as if they don’t exist. If i’m being honest a good amount of this behavior is out of anger but a lot of it is just from a feeling of betrayal. I really thought these people cared about me and everything unfortunately points to the contrary. I feel like I was just a court jester to these people. A crying clown.
TL;DR: I had “friends” and people in highschool who wouldn’t lift a finger to help me even though I was obviously showing signs of mental illness on social media for most of my early and late teens; now I pretend they don’t exist when I see them in public. I don’t know if i’m being an asshole for doing this | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gv2bPX0Ii65Y5CKKbixoFG2b9XatU5kP | b47i2x | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend I would find her a little less attractive if she got a boob job",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend I would find her a little less attractive if she got a boob job? | I really don’t think they are that small but she believes she has super small boobs. I admit, they aren’t big nor medium but I think it’s perfect. I never really liked and implants of any sort, but especially when it came to breasts.
To me, they look odd and too “perfectly” round. They are just fake balloons and don’t feel anything like a real boob. Plus the scars.
We were having a discussion a month ago about it and she asked if I would find her just as attractive. I didn’t want to lie to her. I told her I would still love her but I wouldn’t find it a little unsettling. I didn’t want to lie to her and have her get a boob job only to come back not getting the smile she expected from me.
Most of my friends acted surprised and told me fake “tits” are awesome. I never liked fake boobs but I somehow feel a little bad for telling my girlfriend my opinion. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0PHC4GbW86hXxzIfSN5yfPYwnGmkUOyl | at21ln | {
"description": "telling my sister to pull herself together after our grandfathers death",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for telling my sister to pull herself together after our grandfathers death? | My grandpa just passed away. He had a good LONG life. 91 years. We weren't particularly close. We visited him once a year at Christmas, but he was not heavily involved in our lives. Last time we saw him he didnt know who we were. He died peacefully in his sleep.
When I heard the news of his death I shed a few tears, went to work, shared a few happy memories and went about my day. My sister is completely falling apart. She and I work together. Because she isn't handling this well, I am having to cover her shifts because she says she can't stop crying. I got irritated with her and called her out on this. AITA for thinking it's weird for her to miss work and wallow in all of this while I have to cover for her? It feels like she's making this death about herself instead of him. Also, it feels like a disproportionate amount of greif to the circumstances. I think I'm just looking to understand where she's coming from.
If I am the asshole here, please be gentle with me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
jI7OPlJbJuzNI9vUn4ZSwf21bQOWRzch | b5vym2 | {
"description": "telling a girl who has a crush on me that her giggling at me is fucking weird",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA for telling a girl who has a crush on me that her giggling at me is fucking weird? | So I (20M) know this girl (19F) who has a crush on me. She's in my social circle at uni and its pretty obvious she likes me. All of her friends have confirmed it and keep telling me.
I think she's cute too but recently something annoyed me.
I went to a house party where she was also at and she sees me and hugs me. So as we're talking and flirting a bit, I go out for a cigarette and come back. We continue and she starts to giggle at what I'm saying and blush and play with her hair.
At this point, I had enough. While a bit drunk, I say to her "Can you stop fucking giggling like that? It's fucking weird and rude". She looks really hurt and confused and then I get up and go talk to others.
Her friends found out what I said and told me I was a huge fucking asshole.
Look, I know she likes me, but I find it really uncomfortable and off putting when a girl giggles like that and acts like....a child/idiot? I don't know. Who acts lile that as an adult? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 22
} | WRONG |
fqWTVPsuVv2cwElwgtnDCYSE3Sp6Y6pM | az9bys | {
"description": "expecting my partner to take care of me for more than 3 days",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for expecting my partner to take care of me for more than 3 days? | I recently went in for jaw surgery to correct an overbite and problems with my jaw. I had to stay overnight in the hospital then stay elevated in bed for awhile. It takes 3 weeks before you feel normal and 3 months before you can eat solid foods.
I have to be fed everything through a syringe. Since I can't feel my mouth and both my lips are swollen, I can't feel where the syringe goes most of the time. I've gotten better at it self administrating but I still need my partner to help, especially with my pills.
He knew ahead of time the amount of work it would be and how long it would be. I told him I didn't want to feel like a burden (he has a habit of complaining any time I need help and going on about "how much I owe him" and I just didn't want to deal with that while I was healing). I made it really clear to him several times. He said he was offended I'd think that way about him.
It's been 6 days since I came out of surgery (5 since the hospital) and he's begun to complain about having to prepare my food for me. It's all canned soups and ensures - he just has to blend, heat and put in the syringe. I could do it by myself but it's hard to tell if it's too hot (I don't have much feeling) and I'm physically weak from losing weak and not getting enough nutrients. I do everything else by myself except my pills and food. I lose track of time on the medication in between sleeping so I asked him to track it.
He doesn't feel he should have to do anything that I could do myself. It would make it a lot harder for me, especially getting up from bed. It's not a lot of work for him. I usually eat 3 or 4 times a day and I try to get my water intake at the same time so he's not constantly having to do it.
For context, he's not working right now and I pay the bills in full. He hasn't worked for nearly a year. He doesn't do a lot of chores in the house and I make most of the food/meal prep. I've been working overtime for 3 months to afford everything (I bought a condo and he moved in).
I feel like because he's not working and I'm not strong, he should be taking care of me. He doesn't feel like he should do anything now that I'm "a little better" and that I'm taking advantage of him. Am I??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aLw2Ua3bDo7IyVEx4otbECnGPFxhrCd1 | arfkja | {
"description": "not wanting to share Photoshop that I paid for",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For not wanting to share Photoshop that I paid for? | A few days ago I decided to use some of the money that I earned from mowing lawns and doing neighbor’s odd jobs last summer to buy photoshop, as I was interested with editing photos. However, some of the kids at my high school want me to airdrop it to their computers. Am I the asshole for not wanting to share my hard work with them for free? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kkXccWlEA1qr9udXUZDPkTarISGzTjxZ | b1ebs4 | {
"description": "never really being in love with my wife of nearly 20 years",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for never really being in love with my wife of nearly 20 years? | I (45M) married my wife (45F) 18 years ago. We have to kids, one boy (15M) and one daughter (13F). We're both from UK.
I met her when I was 18 years old. Now this backstory is really important. I come from a working class family and didn't have much, but due to outstanding grades I was able to go to University of Oxford, which for my family was amazing. It was a struggle though, because we didn't have much in terms of money. I considered myself grateful to god to be let in though (even though I believe I earned it).
That's when I met with my wife. I met her while at Oxford. We met in class and pretty much hit off right away. But I have to say, she was more in to me than I was to her. We began dating shortly after. I wasn't sure whether I 100% was in to her but I did like her a lot.
She was also...much richer than I. Her family was wealthy and they had connections. They accepted me very quickly so I kept dating her. After finishing at Oxford it didn't take long to find a job, we kept on dating and eventually after some years I popped the question.
We have kids, and we both have high paying jobs. I'm sure I would have had a high paying job even IF I didn't stay with her, due to the prestige of Oxford, however I have to be honest, the stability her family provided was a major reason why I stayed with her.
I have NEVER told anyone that I've never truly ''loved'' her the way she does me until recently, I told my friend (also 45M) and he said it was pretty fucked up. I reasoned that circumstances were quite different because her stability was a reason for my deciding to be with her, I think you can't entirely remove that aspect. Needless to say, he was shocked.
I have NEVER cheated on my wife ever. I've never been tempted to, but I guess I'm not ''in love'' with her the same way she was me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 8
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 31
} | WRONG |
IEOkhDqAU6PHecXHKGMm8BflXIjlCnX9 | a0juh5 | {
"description": "wanting to leave my family",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to leave my family? | Here's some backstory, I'll make it concise, thank you so much for reading if you do!
I am 18 and study abroad since the age of 12. Right now I finished high school (yay) and came to visit my family for the three months holidays, which I do every time I have holidays.
My family here is big - 13-yr-old sister, 10-yr-old brother and 1-yr-old brother, mum and stepdad, all living in a medium-sized apartment. My family there is basically my step-mum, friend, 17-yr-old sister and sometimes my dad (it's complicated, I know). We live in a fairly huge house, I have my own room and everything. Get a lot of alone time, which I love as an introvert. But it's also pretty emotionally sterile, which is kind of bad.
I used to love coming here because I love this country and my family, but this time things are different. The 10-year-old brother is literally an uncontrollable disaster. He swears, steals a lot from my parents, doesn't listen, lies all the time, screams and refuses to do homework. I know this sounds like pretty un-serious stuff, but it really is to me. For example, he recently got caught trying to steal a roller-scooter, even a cop came down and everything. He drives everyone crazy.
Because of that the home environment consists of often loud fights, sometimes things get physical (even I find it hard to restrain myself), constant arguing and all of that. It's literally unbearable when he's home. Mum and stepdad lose their shit all the time. My sister somehow managed to ostracise herself, I honestly applaud her mental strength which I don't have it seems.
I feel horrible all the time, this environment for me is unbearable. I want to leave so badly even though I really miss my family and this country and they miss me. But I just think being here is bad for me mentally (I've had issues involving self-harm and suicide, but it is mostly in the past). Despite all that I feel like a huuuuge asshole for leaving over this, because my family can't leave and has to deal with all that and I'm pretty much just getting out only caring about myself.
Yes, I want to help but I tried and nothing helps. Emotionally involving myself hurts even more, I feel responsibility for solving this even though it's not my responsibility and my parents' fault.
So yeah, I don't know what to do...
Thank you in advance for literally any feedback or advice!
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
r1qnv9r7DHV1DXW8ObpQA6zIgb734SVN | a8hvec | {
"description": "expecting my ex to stay true to \"my interpretation\" of a promise he made me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for expecting my ex to stay true to "my interpretation" of a promise he made me? | I'll try to keep this brief as possible, but the situation is quite complicated. My thoughts are jumbled and there's a lot of backstory, so sorry.
My boyfriend of 5 years, we'll call him Kay, dumped me about two years ago after cheating on me for a month or so, I was crushed but he got over me very quickly. January 2018, he friends me on Discord and asks if I want to be friends and says that he misses me. I missed him a lot and still loved him so I enthusiastically agreed, kind of sort of hoping he'd been dumped or something and we could rekindle something. He hadn't been dumped but seemed to really enjoy having me around again, I'm generally very kind and supportive and he needed that at that point in his life I think.
Fastforward to November, my mother is in hospice after probably 4 or so years of stage 4 breast cancer. She was in home hospice for a while, but about midway through November she was moved to a hospice facility. My mother has been pretty much my best friend for my whole life, so obviously I'm not having a good time.
One night, Kay, unaware of my situation(I think, I don't remember clearly), messages me saying that he doesn't think his current girlfriend cares about him. I legitimately love and care for him, so I spend a few hours talking to him and going over the situation. I don't associate with his girlfriend, but I tell him it seems like he really loves her and he should try to talk it over with her instead of breaking up then and there, in spite of my wanting him back.
Here's the inciting incident. He starts to tell me that he's sorry for the way he treated me when we were together. I wasn't perfect in our relationship by any means but I do believe he was worse in the end. Anyway, he says that if there's anything he can do to make it up to me he would promise to do his best to do it. At some point, I really forget this detail, but I told him my mother's situation. He swore up and down that he would be here for me whenever I needed him. He knew she wasn't doing well for a long time but it wasn't til this point that he knew she was basically gone mentally(Not sure if it's the drugs she's on or the brain tumors but she's gone).
For a couple of days, he would talk to me whenever I wanted and spend lots of time with me doing things we used to. I don't know if I did something or overstepped/got too close or what, but one day it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with me. I confronted him, because I'm quite closed off with most of my friends and I was quite desperate to be around someone who really knows me, which he does.
My interpretation of "being there for me" was to spend time with me, keep me company, talk to me, things like that. Not all the time but I didn't think every couple days or so was too much to ask. I'm not sure what his intention was in making this promise to me, I've asked him several times if he wanted to retract it, but he stands by his point of view that he has been here for me as much as he should be.
I know that I'm very emotional in general, and especially now. I've had way too many talks about this with him because I can't just let it go. He'll still spend time with me occasionally but he seems completely emotionally closed off from me.
Anyway, please don't feel sorry for me in judging whether or not I'm the ass hole here. I know I'm clingy and can be kind of controlling, but I legitimately don't know if my judgement of him being neglectful and callus toward me is clouded or if he just got bored of being around me again and won't just tell me and get it over with.
TL;DR My ex-boyfriend promised to comfort me and keep me company while my mother is in hospice. He seemed to get bored of "being there for me" after a couple of days and will now barely talk to me. I confront him about it pretty frequently and I've been very vocal that I believe he's being neglectful and cruel toward me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OEt6vyXFJuR9fwPcVJVnxQgVoysZD9jW | areulr | {
"description": "being mad my s/o bought me flowers for valintines day",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for being mad my s/o bought me flowers for valintines day | Im 18 shes 21 were broke i constantly preach practicality she spent 20 bucks on roses i was pissed and told her all about how it was irresponsible it was and chewed her ass for it am i an asshole or is she a dumb ass | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
6iclB55CFD2B6iUlRURTkyBWFD5Zqo5y | akxkll | null | Aita | Am I the asshole for starting a fight with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stop playing The Sims to help me clean she said she just wanted to finish what she was doing but i cleaned the whole house and moved our bedroom to another room all within the time she kept saying she needed to finish which was about 3 hours | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z0rGlmVnV5OLm6rh4vjaCxGZ7YYp4vJu | aru0s8 | {
"description": "not inviting every single family member or person people in my family wants me to invite to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not inviting every single family member or person people in my family wants me to invite to my wedding? | Here’s the deal. I’m getting married this year. I proposed this last September. We’ve got the ball rolling on stuff. Her dad is paying for it basically. We’re at the point of sending out invitations. There are some people in my family I’m not inviting for various reasons, and for the simple fact they have nothing to do with my life really. It’s already stirred up some drama with my grandmaw accusing my fiancé that she’s controlling who’s being invited and she’s inviting her family and not much of mine, which isn’t true. There’s several shitty people on her side we aren’t inviting and aren’t even allowed to come.
My grandmaw is pissy bc I’m not inviting all of her sisters and brothers and all of their people. Here’s the thing, half of her sisters and brothers are trashy with wild children they don’t discipline at all. And the majority of these people she’s wanting me to invite, I could count on my hand how many times I’ve had anything to do with them or even saw them in my life. It’s most people who - yeah they’re my family, but, if we saw one another in Walmart, we probably wouldn’t speak to one another. My grandmaw is really outspoken and gets offended about stuff like this, but I just don’t feel the need to invite people who will most likely come, eat and drink for free, then roll out and we never see or talk to each other again.
My dad made a list of people he’d like me to invite, and again, a lot of the people I haven’t seen in so damn long, people I don’t even know really, and people yet again have nothing to do with me. At all. He included people to invite from my maw maw’s side of the family, his dad’s, my aunt’s, and him personally. There’s SOME people on each I’ll invite, but a lot I literally scratched off. People that have nothing to do with me or I can go years and years and not see. Like one of the people he has on the list is my aunt’s husband’s dad. Who I never see. Ever. Maybe the occasional Christmas. Why does he need to come? He just has some people listed that have nothing to do with me at all and I don’t feel obliged to invite.
Am I the asshole for not inviting all these people certain family members wish me to invite? The way I see it, when you get married, you’re inviting the people closest to you that you wanna share that special day with and no one else. Just bc you’re technically “family”, does it really mean you’re family, or you’re just related to me and I see you on the rare occasion? Just bc I’m getting married, it doesn’t mean every little family member has to be invited to my wedding. I’m inviting my immediate family obviously. Parents, their parents, my aunts and uncles, friends, close family friends. But once we start going way down the line here and there, to people I don’t even see or talk to, to people who couldn’t even tell you where my house is, I don’t see the point? My fiancé says she looks at it like your wedding is the one day you get to be a little selfish and do things the way you want, and invite who you want to invite, and if someone has a problem with it then that’s on them, and I agree.
I just feel like some feelings are gonna get hurt, and I’m gonna be made out to be the asshole just bc I’m not inviting every single person in my family I’m related to. Then just last year or so, my sister got married to her husband and they basically eloped, went got married out of state in the snowy mountains, so if you wanted to attend her marriage you had to buy a plane ticket to and back, and pay for a place to sleep. No one even attended her wedding for that simple fact. But people seem to have a problem with me not inviting every single person to mine here.
Any thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fFegGMDY2lM8dsdvDt9f1BvmK1KwsEL6 | auqm01 | {
"description": "not leaving tips for bartenders that serve me a beer or simple drink",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA: I don’t leave tips for bartenders that serve me a beer or simple drink. | Like the title says, am I the asshole for not leaving a tip when I get a beer? All they do is grab a cold beer from the fridge and open it with a bottle opener, or they pour it when it’s on draft. I’ve had a couple bartenders get visibly upset when I don’t leave a couple bucks aside for them but I just don’t understand why I can’t just pay what the bar expects me to pay for a beer and instead have to adhere to this cultural practice. I’m open to tipping I just don’t think it’s a big deal to not tip for something like this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
phY6GJuP32pwyxj6oALFYgvturgbUUa7 | av0h3g | {
"description": "cancelling job interview the morning of it",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cancelling job interview the morning of it? | I was looking for a new job though a recruitment agency. I had an interview lined up for an hour ago.
I got promoted yesterday in my current company. So, dialled the agency this morning to say that I am no longer looking and do not wish to waste anyone else’s time by continuing with the interview process.
The recruitment agent initially tries to bully me into continuing saying “what have you got to lose?”. I repeatedly said that I don’t think it’s fair on anyone to continue. After hesitation, he says that’s all fine and he’ll call the company I’m meant to interview with.
Cut to nearly an hour ago, I get a call from this company to ask why I hadn’t turned up for my interview. I explained what has happened and they were lovely about it.
But I can’t help feeling like I’m an asshole for cancelling so close to the interview. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
znmm4Oegf3eBarfzJSFIR7UhHoDD9YK3 | b7d9ch | {
"description": "hosting my daughter's sweet 16 MY way",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 58
} | AITA for hosting my daughter’s sweet 16 MY way? | My only child was born around the time of May that Memorial day falls. So, it’s become a tradition for me to host a large family gathering around that time, since the guests are off work. It’s nominally a birthday party. Some guests bring presents sometimes, sometimes not, and we have cake (*we* do, anyway, if my daughter does not eat it, that is her choice). But you could also call this party my yearly family reunion.
The problem is, ever since she was 11 years old, my daughter has been influenced into thinking she’s a vegan. As much as I persuade or sneak things past her, she hasn’t willingly used hide nor hair (ha!) of an animal for almost five years. Not even wool, which is really inconvenient for my shopping considering the fact that she grows like a weed.
Every year, she asks me to change the menu of her/my party to be meat free, milk free, and even egg free. In dramatic teenager fashion, “*I don’t want animals to be killed for my birthday*.” I tell her that she can’t control how other people eat. I’m obviously not going to look cheap to my family by serving them rice and beans. Nor will I be making alternative slop just so “she has something to eat.” There is plenty to eat, and it is gorgeous, she just chooses not to. Last year, she even did make a second cake out of pumpkin or some such. It looked ridiculous and went in the trash as soon as she’d cut a slice to eat with he rest of us. I am an excellent cook, and I like the table to look a certain way, especially when my *darling* sisters-in-law are here to nitpick.
This year, after the usual request to change the menu, my daughter “told” me that she won’t be attending her own birthday party. Instead, she’s going to meet friends at another girl’s house, where they will eat leaves and talk about her “mean mother” I’m sure. Ha! I told her she’s being ridiculous, that she’s not a real vegan anyway since I’ve been cooking the family’s rice in chicken broth for the past five years. (Rice is often the only thing on the dinner table she will eat, since she can’t see the meat.) In typical fashion, she cried and stopped responding.
So now I have a dilemma. I can’t exactly force her to stay and act convincingly happy, although she does know there will be consequences if she doesn’t.
I can let her win this little power struggle and change the menu of the party. This will teach her that If she kicks her heels long enough, she can force other people to bend around her weird demands.
Or I can host the party my way, and have my family awkwardly asking “Where’s the birthday girl?”
I could re-brand the party as a family reunion, but there will be questions, and family has already asked me this year about “her birthday party.”
I can't decide which option makes me look like more of a chump. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 57,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 58
} | WRONG |
xdVT7loWkOU3wkm7AzMopixlnCcCgq8G | agd5m5 | {
"description": "stopping doing tech support for my friends and family who are all self proclaimed \"tech illiterate.\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I stopped doing tech support for my friends and family who are all self proclaimed "tech illiterate." | I am the only tech savvy individual in a family full of people who are awful with tech yet depend on it for their livelihoods and leisure time. I was always good with computers and such from a young age and after fixing things for a few family members word got out and I have spent the last 10 years as the IT guy for the family.
My problem isn't with being IT for the family. My problem is with a lot of the family members that spend so much time on their devices yet refuse to learn or do even basic troubleshooting. My mom and dad actually google issues when they come up and only after they have exhausted that route and checked cables and rebooted do they call me. My aunts, uncles, and grandparents just seem to throw their hands up and admit defeat at the first sign of something not working just the way they are used to and start blowing up my phone for help.
This probably wouldn't be a big deal for me except they all have the same 6 or 7 problems over and over and they are super easy fixes. I have shown them all how to fix these problems. Hell I even gave them printouts of step by step directions on how to fix them, but they just ignore all that and call me to try and get me to come over and do it for them.
At this point it has gotten so bad that I just started ghosting them and making excuses not to go over just to avoid conflict as these older family members have a tendency to get dramatic when they are faced with any sort of conflict whatsoever. I want to avoid it for my parents' sake, but I am losing patience.
I was thinking about just texting all of them and explaining that I have done everything I can to help them fix these issues themselves and going forward it will be up to them to fix their own tech issues as I just don't have the time to be going over to their houses every week to fix things. Though what I really want to text them is "It is time for you stubborn old fucks to learn basic tech troubleshooting or start wasting your money at Best Buy because I am sick and tired of your proudly tech illiterate asses calling me up at all times of the night because you can't spam share your weird Trump memes for a few hours or something." I think that one might be a bit too mean though.
So would I be the asshole here? I feel like a dick because outside of this behavior and some past drama they really have been great supportive family to me, but them being so proudly tech illiterate and refusing to do basic steps for themselves is really just making me not even want to spend time with them because each visit will inevitably end with someone bringing me a phone or a laptop to fix while I'm there. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8xv9D3pa5xg1XyRmymWmyqRXt2oTBZMF | apm75b | {
"description": "choosing to pay vet bills over our wedding",
"pronormative_score": 59,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For choosing to pay vet bills over our wedding? | A little background, my fiance (28F) and I (30M) got engaged 6 months ago and I love her very much and I know how much they want a very large traditional wedding. I also love my 12 year old pup just as much who without going into too much detail has been plagued with ill health recently causing me to play over $1500 just last year.
​
My fiance really wants us to be married in the same church her parents got married, however the place over the years has grown very popular causing the price of the ceremony there to be well over budget. When I suggested we got married somewhere cheaper but still nice saying "the place may not be where you wanted but it will still be special to us" she began to cry before very aggressively suggesting I should "let my damn dog die in peace" to afford her dream wedding. Although I try to be discreet about the amount I spend on my dog she must have found out somehow and it will not get any cheaper soon.
​
I honestly find her words very hurtful and what I thought was just a snarky remark said in the heat of the moment has since become the topic of many hostile debates. She can't see that I'm not choosing my dog over her but i'm creating a compromise so that my beloved pet can continue his happy life for as long as possible. He is not in any visible pain, just has seen better days and although I hate to make my fiance sad I will stand by my choice.
​
TLDR: AITA For not funding my fiancees "dream wedding" so I can afford the well being of my much loved dog?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 56,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 59,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
e4Nz7veZfPDeJREe0b2cC65AbrB9qAeh | aj5rn0 | {
"description": "snapping at a girl who has a short-ish temper",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for snapping at a girl who has a short-ish temper | Some backstory for this. A few months ago I had just started high school. My birthday always falls around a week after school starts so I invite my friends to my pool party. I also invite this girl. Let’s call her Junebug. I invite her because in my words to my friends, “Why the hell not?”
She, along with my friends, show up and the party goes well. It ends and we go out separate ways.
Fast forward about a week and a friend that I usually walk home with tells me, “Ayy yo, I heard that Junebug has the hots for you.”
I’m between girlfriends at that time so I think ‘cool might as well shoot my shot if I know it’ll hit.’
I text her and say ‘hey [friend] told me that you liked me.’ She goes off on me spewing about how she’s taken and that I like her and that she’s been seeing it for a while now.
To me there are some girls who are legitimate love interests and there are girls who help pass the time. She was not the former, and being the asshole that I am, I let her know this. She got really hurt and was in the middle of a tirade when I just put my phone down for 5 minutes, picked it up and left her on read.
I don’t do well with confrontation, which is why I was happy when she seemed to speak to me regularly when she would stay at a friend’s place which was in our neighborhood. I would never be the one to initiate, seeing as most afternoons I’m more focused on getting home so I can sleep/do my homework.
About a week or two has passed since the last time we spoke, in the neighborhood or otherwise, and today I pass by her on the way to the buses and she says, “I guess BlackJesusKun don’t talk anymore.” To which I replied, “Guess I don’t.”
She looked really hurt and said in a really angry way , “Okay.” Now that I think back on it she was probably just trying to get me to talk to her, but that just isn’t the way you approach me. Not to mention that me and my current gf are going through some stuff and I’m low on patience for girls at this point.
I spoke to the boys about it, but I need an unbiased opinion on this. AITA?
TLDR: Girl I was formerly friends with made snarky comment towards me. I snapped back and apparently hurt her feelings. Not the first time this has happened. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
EZjSUXb3b8sKliz5Wos6jnTXfoYmdImn | b1s3fh | {
"description": "not wanting my cat to see her old owner",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my cat to see her old owner? | I got my cat 2 weeks ago from a family friend (he found her 6 months ago).Now he is here everyday.How is the cat supposed to get used to me as her new owner if her old owner is here all the time.I haven’t said anything but i feel really bad.Why would he give the cat to our family but still be here everyday.Am i being selfish? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BZtq2VlYLNlTGYEE2YAKZc7cvV20oUeW | b9653w | null | WIBTA - Hit a parked car in the parking lot, left a note to take responsibility. Have heard nothing from the victim, still see car in the parking lot but take no further action? | Hello Reddit, It’s me, your old pal throwaway account.
So, last weekend at work I hit a parked car in the parking lot. I’m borrowing my parents’ car from their vacation home in my city (I’m an adult in my 30’s FWIW - not a teen sneaking a car out), since my back window won’t stay up, I asked if I could borrow theirs and leave mine in the garage until the parts come in to repair it. They were fine with that arrangement, and they like me to drive the car now and again so the fluids move around and the battery charges. They drive a big SUV, I drive a mid sized sedan. The bigger turning radius got me, and when I pulled into a spot at work I hit the car in the spot next to mine. Shit.
When it happened, I got out of the car, inspected the damage to both cars (minor, just some paint scrapes and a small dent), and promptly left a note apologizing, leaving my phone number, name, and cube # in the office building. I also left my car parked next to theirs - it was obvious from the circumstantial evidence who hit whom.
That was Saturday morning. It’s now Wednesday night, and I am yet to hear from this person. I keep seeing the car in the parking lot, though. It moves around in the lot from day to day, so I know they’ve been back and the car hasn’t been stagnant this whole time.
So - WIBTA if at this point I let sleeping dogs lie? I feel like I did my part and did the right thing to take responsibility, but I don’t feel like I should keep leaving them notes if they choose not to pursue it. I don’t know what their reason for not contacting me would be, but I feel like they must have their motivation (someone suggested that they just might not want to chance having the cops called, as they could have an outstanding issue like a warrant or a suspended license, but that is pure speculation).
This is a big office building with hundreds of cars, there’s no way I knew the driver or could easily identify them (as in, I can’t just pop into 1-2 rooms and see if someone owns the car- it’d take forever), so a note on their car is really the only practical way I have to contact this individual. It was a pleasant day outside, minimal breeze and no rain. I doubt the weather removed the note from under the wiper where I left it. I doubt a third person removed it either, but I suppose either is possible.
Should I leave another note when I see the car next? Or did I fulfill my obligation to the person and take no further action? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XEAIl0jO8sASRq9ZN35Qdoe4VUTSTOY3 | agr36x | {
"description": "refusing to like a dog my friend got three weeks after the death of his previous dog I was close with for years",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for refusing to like a dog my friend got three weeks after the death of his previous dog I was close with for years | My friend brought his previous dog into work every day for 5 years (where I work as well), and I would look after her while he went on holidays. I can’t get a dog because of my living arrangements so I loved her like my own.
Three weeks ago my friend left her in his car on a hot day and she died. I was with him when he realised and I will never forget the trauma he went through over the next few days dealing with the guilt. I helped where I could. I am one of the few people outside his family who knows how she really died.
This week he got new dog.
I want a dog so badly but can’t get one. He gets a new dog so easily like it’s a replacement houseplant that’s filling a gap on a shelf from the previous plant he neglected?
Every time I look at his new dog I see the tortured lifeless face of his old dog. A dog I loved so dearly.
He has noticed I show no interest in his new dog. He asked if I wanted to talk about it. He said getting a new dog was important for him. I said I didn’t judge him for his decision and I think I meant it. I just want nothing to do with her.
Is there some nasty envy-thing going on in my head? AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
S5gFZBCEEdzNl6chBXMq61MZKYwVFKVK | an4gzh | {
"description": "not playing my instrument at my friend's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not playing my instrument at my friend's wedding? |
My best friend/roommate is getting married during the summer and asked me if I could play my instrument at her wedding. I was a little confused because I thought I was going to be a bridesmaid in her wedding party, so I would not be able to play. I asked her if it was the case that I was gonna be a bridesmaid and she essentially said no. Instead she has her sister, the groom’s sister, and the maid of honor.
I believed that her sister would be maid of honor, since they’re pretty close. I thought would at least get to be a bridesmaid since she has always told me I would be part of her wedding party ever since we got close. She then said “I would love for you to be part of my wedding and play while I walk down the aisle”.
So, I said I would get back to her about it because I was definitely on the fence about doing it, since it would be for no pay. I usually get paid for playing at weddings since I have been doing it since high school. I brought up the fact that I usually get paid for my time to her since I would have to find the music, and put in time for practicing. She thought that I would do it for free for her since we are “best friends”.
So I decided to decline, saying I would like to just be a guest. She got upset and said she really wanted live music while she was walking down the aisle and that I was lashing out because I’m not a bridesmaid. She also said that I was being greedy with asking her for money.
So, am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
IBJkYs5bWk0EmuJ9k4my8kXMAZPIWRFa | ahec17 | {
"description": "using the bathroom together with my boyfriend despite our roommate asking us not to because it makes her uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 67,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for using the bathroom together with my boyfriend despite our roommate asking us not to because it makes her uncomfortable? | Ok, this one is actually hard for me. Usually I can step back and gauge by wondering what I would say if someone else told me this story... but it’s not black and white, which has me torn.
There are a few factors that make me feel she should deal with it, but I also feel maybe I’m an asshole because those factors don’t mean I automatically get my way. I’ll detail them and let you decide.
I’ll try and speed the story up but it’s a bit long.
My boyfriend and I were moving. We found a roommate on Craigslist and he and I secured a place a month before she moved in. We didn’t mind paying the first months rent alone since we didn’t want to lose the place and she dropped the bomb that she actually wouldn’t be able to move out until the NEXT month.
And because there are two of us AND we located the space, did the walk through, and met with the landlords all alone because she couldn’t/didn’t want to attend, we assumed the bigger bedroom would go to us.
We figured fair price for $1,750 in rent. We even texted her about it to avoid surprises or unilateral decisions. She agreed.
So the first month we move in, and try to leave tons of space for her to make her own around the house, like in the living room, bathroom, and kitchen. She still makes a few comments about where to put her things. I enthusiastically tell her I’ll move or put ANYTHING away to make room if there’s a specific spot she wants to put something - this is all our home and we should all have a touch of ourselves. I do a few things she’d like but I still feel like she’s not excited to see I have things places, even though she didn’t really bring much to switch out anyway.
Next month she appears to fully live with us and it seems pretty good. Except I feel a bit of resentment on her end. She expresses that we should not have taken the big room now that she’s spent more time in the place and compared them. It’s not fair we have a closet (only thing that makes it bigger, by the way) and she does not. She even goes as far as to hint that to make it fair WE should help pay for her a closet or pick up another expense in the house to even it out. Keep in mind I furnished the whole place by myself since she had nothing to contribute. Not happening.
We mend fences and continue living peacefully until one day boyfriend and I go to shower together. Now, I cannot stress enough that this is NOT sexual. (Seriously, some people enjoy shower sex but it just doesn’t work for us or appeal) We don’t fool around, we rarely even wash each other. For some reason we just really enjoy showering together and have done it often since we’ve been dating. It’s our time to unwind and talk about work and wash away the stress of the day. Then we brush our teeth together, get into pjs and head to bed.
We never assumed it would make her uncomfortable, which maybe we should have. We had done it loads in the house before she arrived and I even naively thought it was considerate because the bathroom is taken over for 1/2 the time. We don’t go slow, we do our business and get out.
Except when we walk out of the bathroom together, towel drying our hair in fresh PJs, she’s standing by her door with a shocked expression. I’m kinda confused but smile and say hey, “bathroom is free. Sorry if we took too long, should be lots of hot water, though! Didn’t use much!”
Figured she wanted it or something?
A day goes by and she’s super weird and moody. Finally I get a scathing text from her. Gist of it being;
“Heyy just wanted to talk about last night. That was kinda super inappropriate and honestly really disrespectful. I was in the house while you did that.”
Now I’m even more confused. Did what? And if “that” means sex (which we did have later that night. Quietly with a fan on juuuust in case, I may add) then I am allowed when she’s home, as she’ll always be home. She lives here. As do I. I can bang my boyfriend of 5 years.
So I cautiously text back, “sorry? Did you hear something last night or something? Oh man, I’m embarrassed. Really sorry about that.”
“It’s not that I heard something, it’s just that it’s super rude to be using a shared space for that.”
EVEN MORE CONFUSED. Eventually it comes out that she thinks we banged in the shower. I’m all apologetic, explain to her we absolutely would never do that, I’m sorry if we made her uncomfortable. Now at this point we’ve had girl talk about our boyfriends over glasses of wine a few times. We both know a few dirty details so I’m also a bit stumped because she’s told me a few lewd stories I would say are taken to the extreme with her bf in shared spaces, so even if we DID it appears hypocritical.
She then states she doesn’t *care* if we’re not having sex. It makes her uncomfortable for both of us to shower together. She shouldn’t have to think about it or wonder if we *are* while she’s in the house. Ok, fricken weird but guess we have to make compromises?
So we stop showering together. We go one by one. And when the first one is out, I or boyfriend will come in the bathroom to brush our teeth together and then the next one jumps in and the first leaves. She noticed that too and complained. Apparently we just shouldn’t be in the bathroom together at *all*, it’s weird. She tries to compare it to how weirded out would I be if she told me her and her boyfriend pee together. I laugh and say, “I wouldn’t? Boyfriend and I have tons of times?”
We’re basically an old married couple. Maybe not all couples feel that’s comfortable or needed, but one of us has peed while the other brushes their teeth or showers tooooons of times in our relationship.
She looks at me disgusted and says that’s not ok in a shared house. Now she’s pissing me off.
So to skip forward we just start showering when she’s away or at work. We don’t want to give up our bonding time. We try and make sure we’re out at least an hour before she’s expected to avoid any overlap or making her uncomfortable.
I should also note that it’s been about 8-9 months of living together at this point, and boyfriend and I have done 98% of the cleaning. She leaves mouldy crap everywhere, has done three HALF loads of dishes total, never touched a broom or mop, never contributes to shared expenses like toilet paper or soap, never taken garbage out or dealt with recycling, and is just downright entitled in every sense. Even hinted that because there are two of us then we should take care of it. She’s just one person.
Not how life works. Especially when rent is shared 3 ways. If we’re lumping us together as one unit, maybe we should split it in half, hm? At this point we’re kinda done with her because of a bunch of other things that would make this already long story much, much longer. But we cannot afford the rent alone. It’s a really high cost of living area and it would eat way too much of our income.
And, since we’re all on the lease, it’s not like we can just kick her out if we found someone better.
So I’m getting resentful, and I feel like if I’m doing all the cleaning, all the shared shopping, and being treated as though my existence is an inconvenience (don’t get me started on all the rules she’s tried to implement which basically amount to us never being seen when she’s out of her room), then I’m going to shower with my boyfriend.
So we continue on this way and all is well, until one day she comes home early just as we’re leaving the bathroom together, drying our hair once again. I didn’t see her, but I heard the front door slam and she was gone. An hour later we get a huge text about how we are incredibly inconsiderate and hostile, that we make her uncomfortable in her own home, that she shouldn’t be weirded out to use her own bathroom. Basically alludes that we’re making the space an unliveable environment for her and if we cannot respect her feelings then perhaps we should pay to break the lease and leave. I’m over it. I won’t be doing that.
This is the girl who has screaming matches with her boyfriend on the regular, but *she* feels uncomfortable in her own home because we used the shower together? Grow up.
But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it is my duty to alleviate any uncomfortable feelings in the home. Maybe I should respect her wishes since we share the space.
Maybe I am a hypocrite because I absolutely would cease shared bathroom use if it meant sex, but I don’t feel I should have to because we aren’t boning. What’s the difference, right?
So how I see it is;
We pay the most money in the house for shared expenses.
We do all the cleaning.
We cook the most meals to share.
It’s all my furniture and electronics she uses.
I deal with the recycling and pay to have garbage taken away out of my own pocket.
I set up defences to prevent her from hearing us even talk basically ever.
I try and abide by many outlandish rules just to keep the peace and make her feel like it’s her house, too.
I deal with her toxic relationship with her boyfriend that she continually leaves then takes back at the inconvenience of *our* peace despite numerous talks and promises that they’ll stop.
And I can’t shower with my boyfriend? A small luxury I look forward to when I’ve had a hard day? Even when she isn’t home???
But maybe *I’M* entitled because I chose to adhere to those extreme standards on my shoulders, that doesn’t me I *deserve* to make her uncomfortable as it’s her home, too. But I’m also willing to die on this hill. I’ll refrain from ever helping her again. I’ll let those mouldy dishes in the fridge come to life before I dare put myself out to keep the peace ever again.
Give it to me straight. I’m the asshole, aren’t I?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 65,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 67,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
1DxEmbqYqFeobmGDGdDjkgNffiZJ8GpS | au25mq | {
"description": "not speaking up when a man slid his hand across a woman's butt",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not speaking up when a man slid his hand across a woman's butt | Where I live there are sometimes festivals that run across the roads with vendors and food and such. These festivals are almost always somewhat crowded especially on the sidewalks.
The way the festival was set up is that a part of the road was gated off for art exhibits that people can look at. I was walking and looking around as the guy in front of me slid his hand across the butt of a woman who was standing and looking at one of the art pieces.
I was pretty uncomfortable but the woman didn't seem to notice and the guy walked away. I can't say it wasnt an accident, it was a pretty deliberate motion.
when this happened I really didnt say anything, I didn't think it was my place and also the guy was very very bulky and could smash my face into the concrete if he could.
I feel guilty for not saying anything and got some conflicting answers from family. Was I an asshole for not saying anything? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
rssTOIs2cSEURC06ChDDumyuvYyNrQcY | b4qrck | {
"description": "shouting in my little brothers asking why he was only wearing his underwear while he was talking to his crush on Xbox",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for shouting in my little brothers asking why he was only wearing his underwear while he was talking to his crush on Xbox? | So my little brother (11 years old) is always in his underwear only at home and so basically i was sitting in the living watching TVs and eating captain crunch (side note my dad wasn't home) and my friend group text so i grabbed my phone and text back 1 text and look up and I'm like wheres my cereal. And that little brat was pouring my cereal in the sink. And said that he needed a bowl because all the nice bowls were in the dish washer. And i got Pissed and said "you cant just take my cereal!" And i tried grabbing the bowl back and he Was all like yes i can and starting trying to attack me so I'm like whatever because you know what happens when i fight my little brother when I'm supposed to be watching him. And so still Pissed because that was all the last of the captain crunch but he doesn't even like captain crunch. And so he fills the bowl with kix and goes back to his room and stick his dang tongue out at me. And like 20 minutes later I was walking to go in my room and I hear that he is talking and playing online on his Xbox with his crush. So i walked in a yelled WHY ARE YOU PLAYING ON YOUR XBOX WITH JUST YOUR UNDERWEAR ON?WHERE ARE YOU CLOTHES? And he looked at me like he was going to kill me. And well i was thinking well maybe next time he won't take my cereal. But now I'm thinking AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | WRONG |
IGzPj6DA9ASty0aBnVNb2ALstd4nAxAt | ba95vw | {
"description": "not trying to maintain a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not trying to maintain a friendship? | I have this friend from high school. We were pretty close back then, but his adult life has always been kind of a train wreck. He joined the army out of high school, got kicked out for drugs, has since been arrested numerous times for shoplifting, assault/battery, DUI, and I'm pretty sure he has warrants out for his arrest. He's pretty much destroyed his relationship with his family due to his addiction and mental illness.
About five years ago, we started hanging out again for the first time in years. Pretty soon, he began calling me all the time, randomly showing up to my house and workplace unannounced, just generally bugging and harassing me. Admittedly, I did ignore a lot of his calls... mainly because they were at random hours when I was busy, and it was always him just demanding that we hang out. So after a week or two of this, I kinda flipped out and told him to fuck off. We spoke one more time, I apologized for being so harsh, but explained that I just didn't have the time or desire to hang out with him that often.
Fast forward to last week. I get a call from a random number. I answer and it's him, we chat for a while just catching up. From the sound of it, he's a full blown alcoholic now. He wanted to hang out, but I told him honestly that all of my time is taken up by the business I started last year. I told him it was nice to catch up, maybe some time when I'm free we can hang out, but it will probably be a while.
Since then he's called me 3 times and I haven't answered. I get the feeling he's gonna start randomly showing up again. I don't know what to tell him. It's not that I hate him or anything, it's just that I have a very busy life and I don't really "hang out" with anyone these days. I guess if I'm being completely honest, he kind of makes me uncomfortable. He's very immature, impulsive, and it just takes a lot of energy to be around him. He clearly needs to get some help, but I don't know how to do that. His family have tried their best to help him over the years, but it never works.
At this point, it feels more like a burden than a friendship. We have nothing in common anymore... I'm a college graduate running my own business, and he's a total mess. I don't mean to sound condescending, it's just that our general mental states and lifestyles are so completely different. I feel bad for him, but I also feel that it's not my responsibility to be his best friend. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nzivu5mqJra6YlL6klNuZqAbMg5OT6aW | aovt05 | {
"description": "not wanting that my husband gives money to his mom/my mil",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting that my husband gives money to his mom/my MIL? | So some context here. Before we got married I expressed my concerns about this topic, he told me that “our family came first”. Then my husband didn’t had a job for a year and two months, we adjusted all our expenses to my salary. We found out we were expecting and he started a business this week, we used our savings to buy what he needed , apparently it is going well but there will be times when he will receive nothing (it’s a food business in a public school, so it is empty during vacation and national holidays). It’s just been one week (less 4 days!) of him earning and he asked if he could give his mom some money, I asked how much he was talking about, and after he told me about his minimum sales goal a month, what he plans to give his mom is annually about 15+% of his projected* anual earnings. I was livid. His mom is in her 50s. She doesn’t work and is given some money from FIL (they are divorced), her financial situation is not the best, but she has no rent/mortgage payments and owns her apartment. My BIL lives with her and he’s studying a masters in chemistry, apparently he doesn’t contribute much, I don’t really know. They don’t struggle with basics and there’s always money for her cigarettes. She doesn’t have anything health wise that stops her from working.
I thought that in the future we will have to support his mom, but I was thinking when she is 70 and couldn’t work, not now. Or that we should wait to be in a better economic position to help or reduce that amount to 5%. I feel that this expense will slow us down a lot and it could add 3-4 years to the whole “buying a house” situation (we have no house or apartment of our own, we rent) and we’re going to become parents soon and that 15% could go to savings for a house, health insurance, or the car payments we need (he has no car and I’ve been driving him around, and trying to fit all his business related shopping into my tiny Nissan march and going to my job). AITA for not wanting to give a monthly sum to my MIL and would rather use that money for us to grow faster? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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} | RIGHT |
sM2Vge3XShHzNQOS2REjQidWdBuQIZWY | b08l5r | {
"description": "kicking my new roommate's bf out of the apartment at 2am",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for kicking my new roommate's bf out of the apartment at 2am? | TL;DR at the bottom
\*\*\*
So my full-time roommate is working abroad for the next 4 months, and he was nice enough to provide me with a new roommate in the interim via Craigslist.
We're about two months in now, and while she was pretty easy to live with at first (ti's just the two of us), she's recently met a strapping young man we'll call Steve that's slept over every night for the past three weeks. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.
​
Anyway, last week my roommate informed me that she would be leaving town for the weekend to go visit her parents. Hooray, I think to myself, no roommate + Steve for an entire 48 hours!
Fast forward to late Friday night -- I've just come home from the bar and am relaxing on the couch, eating cereal and watching Top Chef, when I hear the unmistakable sound of shuffling feet coming from my roommate's bedroom. Now, seeing as its 2am and I was under the impression that I was home alone, I immediately go into irrational panic mode and grab a hockey stick before yelling "Is anybody in here?" No answer.
I ask again, almost yelling now, "Is anybody in here?" No answer. Not quite satisfied, I open the door to my roommate's room to find Steve! He was tucked into her bed, pretending to be asleep.
​
Livid, I "wake" him up and demand that he leave. He argues that my roommate said he could stay there, and it's none of my business if she lets him sleep in HER room. I counter that no one asked me if this was okay in advance (I would have said fuck no), I don't feel comfortable with him here, and he needs to gtfo. He then starts begging me to stay, giving me a sob story of how he has nowhere else to go.
​
That's when I threaten to call the police, and he leaves.
​
The aftermath has been pretty ridiculous. My roommate is very upset, and says that me kicking her bf out onto the street at 2am is an act of "pure evil." I think that her sneaking her bf into the apartment while she's out of town is grounds for terminating her sublease. My real roommate, who's currently in Europe, is being weird about taking sides, and I think it's because he doesn't want to lose a subletter and be on the hook to find another while he's abroad.
​
So, humans of Reddit, AITA?
​
\*\*\*
​
TL;DR -- roommate lets her bf stay in her room while she's out of town without telling me. I find him at 2am and kick him out, even though he says he has nowhere else to go. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 33,
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} | RIGHT |
RB4C5M3EBp78mEADFjkZbaH8Utv8j8ri | acmxjd | {
"description": "wanting to abandon my family",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to abandon my family? | I'm 20 (m) and if I had a choice I would never speak to my family again. But the thing is, they actually try to be nice/love me.
There's only 4 of us on the one Continent and they don't have many close friends so my parents have always gone on about looking after each other. But the only feelings I really have towards them are anxiety and guilt.
They are both abusive towards each other but at the moment it's a lot better than it was.
Since I was 5 I was told things like "I gave birth to you, I'll be the one to kill you" for really small things like when they found out my teacher had told me off for talking in class. They made highschool a living hell because they never believed I was trying hard enough (almost all my grades were a b+ or above) and on some occasions would do things like throw my books into my face or continually call my friends sluts and idiots (my friends were literally the smartest people and for the most part well behaved) and call me during the day to tell me off and they'd also send me texts saying how disappointed they were. I didn't have a social life.
Being around them just makes me feel really anxious and I can't criticise what they do because they end up blowing up and yelling for hours.
I got diagnosed with clinical depression a while back and am also in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD and ASD.
My sibling is also dealing with some intense mental health stuff and my parents want me to spend as much time with them as I can because she seems to get better but she is also emotionally abusive at times.
But at the same time:
- both of them work constantly so that they can support me and my sibling
- they are always willing to spend money on us and buy us gifts
- they go out of their way to make/buy food we like
- are paying for therapy
- want to spend time with me.
- my sibling did their best to look after me and be there for me for most of my life
And they seem to genuinely think they love me.
I don't hate them, but if I could, I would never see/speak to them again. If I had the money I would move to another country. AITA for wanting to leave my family and for mostly avoiding them atm? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5HoeYfwVMOLT2GBWaPvsTNwkveDIKHIt | b4kqev | {
"description": "asking my aunt to give me an opportunity to buy her house from her estate before it hits the market",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I ask my aunt to give me an opportunity to buy her house from her estate before it hits the market? | Posted from an alternate account, small details changed.
Background: my aunt is the last living sibling of my grandfather. My aunt never married or had children of her own. She went to church, worked full time, and retired after 50+ years. She is elderly now, but healthy. After her own mother died (the original owner of home), it was willed to my aunt and her three sisters. As her sisters passed away over the years, they would leave their share of the house to the other sisters. She is now the sole owner of the home.
When I was a child, I was passed around a lot. Parents were divorced, and my dad had weekends, but he was a taxi driver and had to work weekends. My aunt was my primary caretaker when my father was at work and whenever my mother would fall off the deep end (often). My aunt, with the financial contributions of my wonderful and hard-working father, bought me all my school clothes, made sure I had money for school pictures and lunch, took me to whatever sports and games I had and paid for all of that, got me haircuts, etc. (Essentially, he paid her child support, because my mother could not be trusted with money.) I could go on, but my point is that she’s always been more of my mom than my own mom. Instead of letting me go into foster care as a teenager after my father died and my mothers mental health took a real dark turn, she took me in for months until my mother could get her shit together enough to be a passable parent again. My point is, I love this woman, and she loves me, and after all she has given me, I am wary of asking her for anything else. The most I ask her for now is to watch my kids while I go get milk.
Here’s the thing: I’m looking at inheriting what will (probably) be a significant amount of money, which isn’t that important to me. She has invested wisely over the course of her life, and done very well. What happens to the house is anyone’s guess: I’m going to assume I will have to sell it and divide the money appropriately. What I want, more than anything, is to have one tangible piece of my childhood. I want to grow old in that house, with some plants and a cat and my husband. I want roots. I want my children’s children to be able to climb the oak tree in her backyard.
WIBTA if I asked to buy the house from the estate? I don’t want to ask for it outright, I don’t want to be manipulative, and I definitely don’t want to have to fight with strangers over the home that I spent the majority of my childhood in. Do I even have to ask her? I do NOT want to offend the woman who has given me so much, especially in the twilight of her life. Her happiness means more to me than a house. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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"NOBODY": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iTBTCr7gJuuDuepVuzrpcFQ0hNdViRjz | auql4q | {
"description": "deleting a girl I've been speaking to for half a year after seeing how she snapchats while driving",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA: Deleting a girl I've been speaking to for half a year after seeing how she snapchats while driving | The usual tinder romance, maybe a bit longer than normal but we've only had feelings for a few months. But recently I've realised just how much she uses snapchat while driving. Taking videos every weekend on her story, while she is driving. There's other reasons too why I've lost my feelings, but the snapchat while driving was the breaking point for me. There's zero excuse for it.
In the end I pretty much ghosted her over the weekend, I'm going to send her a final message before I delete entirely. I guess I'd just appreciate the reassurance whether I've done the right thing here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
5T03ttJVRdymGlL41W5MiyszDaF4H7La | b4dbcg | {
"description": "walking out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for walking out? | Bit of back story. I have quite a lot of spots on my back. I have been to the doctors for it before, but have not been given anything for it. Also, my Dad works away most of the time, so when he gets back from work, its after a while of not seeing the family.
Here's what happened. I was going downstairs to the kitchen to get a drink at about 8/8:30 pm without a top on,as I was getting ready for a night of browsing Reddit. My Dad had just got back from work and made a comment along the lines of: 'You really need to go to the Doctors for that', referring to my back. Both of my parents are always making comments on it so I just reply: 'Naah its fine'.
This proceeded to cause a shouting match where my parents were yelling that it will put me in the hospital if I don't get it checked out. I always responded saying 'No, it won't'.
Every time me and my parents get into arguments, they try and shut me down by saying that 'You don't know anything' and 'You think you know everything remarks'. This time I responded to the shouting by shouting back saying: 'Well yous don't know either'. Bad move.
My Dad proceeded to get in my face and say: 'You know what, just fuck off to your Nanas house'. I called his bluff and packed my bag since he has things in the same vein before. As I walked through the living room to put on my shoes and leave, he shouted that: 'I have to stay the fuck in the house'. At this point I really could not be arsed with it, as I would have probably just went back to my room if they wanted to talk it out.
After I left, I realised I made a mistake by leaving, but couldn't go back because I am too stubborn. So I called a friend and asked if he wanted to go get food or just drive around. I then called my Mam to tell here I would be back.
About an hour later, I check my phone to see it flooded with messages and missed calls. I texted her and told her ill come home later.
I let time slip and just got in now (at 1 am ish) and was welcomed with more shouting and threats of no phone.
I am 19 and I will be moving out of their house in July, but she said she wont sign the paperwork.
​
Am I The Asshole for actually leaving and not coming in for hours, even though I was basically kicked out? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Mwz6KkKqShTVVHj2q7vFPugmiVMIYKtb | aoxb5q | {
"description": "losing my friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA after losing my friends? | AITA because In high school I had a group of 3-4 close friends, we would hang out about once a week. I always felt like we were all relatively close. I’m 18f and there was C (19m) F (18f) and J(18f) we were good friends and never really fell out. Though I always felt like the odd one out as I was always the one taking photos of them, being the awkward one that walked behind when the pavement was too small ect.
I began to realise a change in my mental health. I felt like everyone hated me and so I’d hide myself away at parties, occasionally hurting myself but not in a place that they could not see. I became less fun to be around.
One pivotal moment was going to a festival with them. I wanted to go but couldn’t afford it which was fair enough. Later, C said he wanted to go with F&J but couldn’t afford it. J then began to say she would buy his ticket, that he can pay her back over time and that she just really wanted him to be there. I wasn’t fussed about being paid for, it was mostly that they obviously wanted C there more than me. I had asked before to F when I had the money, she was hesitant to confirm that I could come.
I began therapy and realised I have anxiety which was why I wasn’t really fun anymore. I explained to them all that it wasn’t their fault I was reserved sometimes, it was just my mental health.
I got to go to the festival because J’s boyfriend broke up with her so there was a ticket spare that I bought from her after having money. At one point when we were there and drunk, j says to me “you are only here because [her bf] couldn’t make it”.
Now we all moved out to a big city, about 10 minutes away from each other. Other than F who moved to England. J&C and some other close friends would go out every night to clubs and never invited me. I asked J once and she said maybe then never got back to me. The one time I did see J she said “you must be lonely” because she knows I struggle to make friends. And I don’t go to their uni or live in their halls.
It’s been 6 months since I’ve heard from them. And we all go back to our hometown in the summer and idk what I would do if I saw them again.
AITA or the reason I haven’t seen them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DqNhpQpiJ8gw1oeh5hJCUxUqlyDPkOid | b1ec6h | {
"description": "calling out my housemate on being messy",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for calling out my housemate on being messy? | A small background, I live with 4 other guys - we all go to the same uni and we're all friends.
4 of us are quite tidy. Sure, we make a mess, but we always clean it up within the day. We prefer to live in a clean environment and while none of us are clean freaks by any extent, we try to be considerate of the others.
However, "Ben" as I'll call him, doesn't follow this ethos. If he cooks food, he leaves dishes in the sink for days (I used to clean up when the dishes started to smell, but I've recently started to refuse to clean up after him as I'm not his carer), he leaves empty glasses all over the house (or hoards them in his room) and otherwise causes quite a lot of mess.
I (and the other housemates) called him out, we in particular have problems with the leaving of dirty dishes all over the kitchen as it is literally a health risk to have rotting food in the sink and we told him in no uncertain terms that it wasn't acceptable to keep doing this.
He and his girlfriend (pretty much lives here rent free) were slightly better for a few weeks, but they've fallen back into creating mess and refusing to properly clean up again.
When he was told that we wanted him to be cleaner, his counter arguments were as follows:
1. We live in a student house, they're naturally messy - we're being unreasonable by wanting it to be clean
This makes no sense to me, as while I'm aware that some students are absolute animals, that doesn't mean we should live in filth.
2. He won't handwash his dishes (he "hates scrubbing"), if we want him to clean them properly we need to get "stronger dishwashing tablets" which will clean off dried food when he puts them in the dishwasher.
3. We should be thankful that his girlfriend helps with the dishes at all (she occasionally puts THEIR dishes in the dishwasher after the food has already dried, so most dishes don't get cleaned).
Would I be the asshole for bringing this old argument up again? It deeply bothers me because I'm naturally very clean in the kitchen, and I despise the smell of the food which gets left in there.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
12MfdyJXgvCyGTPdGw7hfePypiO4yt0T | 9u20rk | {
"description": "wanting a clean house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For wanting a clean house? | Alright, so I'm an 18 year old high school student going through my last ever exams. I live with my dad and my 3 other siblings who are 14, 10 and 6, mum and other sibling are out of the picture at the moment. This problem's been going on for the past two years, since we started living in a new place. My family are filthy, they leave shit around the house, they don't wash their own dishes and leave the place looking disgusting. I keep my room tidy and clean up after myself, I know how this sounds and that's where the problem lies. Dad doesn't work and is home most days, but the place still stays filthy. I'm aware the situation is hard for him and i try to be supportive, but i get pissed off about constantly living in mess, which pisses him off since he doesn't like being nagged about it. Sometimes he'll even leave with the siblings (sometimes to do some work) to another state, leaving me alone in the house which i end up needing to clean. Am i the asshole for being bothered about this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9FRxy6qPf2Ou2jZG8z3pDpZMGhvR6Nln | a32280 | {
"description": "Leaving Husband and quickly getting new so",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for Leaving Husband and Quickly Getting New SO? | Everyone thinks I had an affair and/or left my husband for my new SO. That's not what happened.
It was hard to pick a short title, because this requires an explanation.
My ex-husband and I separated a few months ago, after things just not working for over a year. I still love him, he's wonderful, we just weren't right together. During the two months or so before we moved out separately, but had already started the separation process (figuring out car payments, going through belongings, etc), I started "talking to" someone. Once ExH and I split, I officially started dating this guy.
Now, everyone (including ExH) thinks I left him for new SO, which is not at all the case. But I'm starting to feel like the asshole anyway. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nt6QC1Dvb8ktMcfLWz3UkgfDUWNK5J06 | aswa1c | {
"description": "asking my friend for pictures of her arm so I know she isn't self harming",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for asking my friend for pictures of her arm so i know she isn't self harming? | I am very close with this person and mid October of last year I found cuts on her arm. I talked with her and she promised she wouldn't again.
Later next month I saw even more cuts on her arm and the same thing happened I begged and pleaded with her to stop and she agreed. At this point I still have her the benefit of the doubt and didn't ask for any evidence.
Now the current situation comes into play I saw cuts on her arm about 2 and a half months later (early February) and I could tell they were definitely only a week or so old. This time I I couldn't take her word for it and I asked for pictures of her arm nearly every day and she was ok with that for about a week.
After that she expressed she didn't like me asking so often so I cut back to every other day. Now she just doesn't want to at all and is completely ignoring me and says I "don't fucking trust her".
So AITA? I would geniunely like to have some constructive feedback about this situation. I know it's not easy to stop something like that but isn't that a good reason to check in?
Sorry for grammar.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
8ftEVpkhxzZ11HUXWw7jk60R4nf728Sj | b1aw6q | {
"description": "thinking my classmate has a mental illness",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For thinking my classmate has a mental illness? |
LTL, FTP, Etc.
So, a little bit of backstory. I've been home-schooled for my entire life, and am currently working on passing the SATs. Several years ago my mother enrolled me in a private class with a professor of chemistry who also had worked as a science teacher in a high-school before. So, as expected, the students enrolled in my class are not going to be your typical high-schoolers (I don't mean that in a bad way, I just noticed that they act a little different than my friends who went to high-school, as well as the fact that there are slightly older people in the class as well).
Sorry for all the useless information, I just want everyone to have all the info here. Anyways, on to the actual story:
There's been a classmate of mine for my past two years of school who i'm pretty concerned about. We'll call him T. T is known in my class for a number of things, few of which are normal, none of which are good memories. The first thing I can remember of him is when he first found out one of my friends was Jewish, and went on a tirade of Hitler jokes and Holocaust references. Some of his other highlights include:
* Throwing a film canister filled with vinegar and baking soda at my table. (And no, it wasn't for *that* experiment.)
* Saying "Honestly, he's just a Rartyfag. Just like (My name) here." as I was passing him and his friend walking to my car.
* Showing up to class several times in a full trench coat and fedora in the middle of the Texas summer.
* Keeping homemade knives in said trench coat and showing them off in class. He also showed up with a balisong one time, which are illegal unless they are under a certain length, and this one was pushing it.
* Showing up to class several times in a red white and blue leather biker's jacket.
* Showing up to class several time in a MAGA hat to annoy any liberal people at the class. (He admitted to this, calling them libtards.)
* Un-ironically asking "Is that supposed to be a joke?" After a 45 minute lecture about identifying different orbitals. He got really upset when told to take the class a little more seriously.
* Refusing to take any notes, or do any homework for that matter.
After nearly two consecutive years of class with him, I've begun to assemble a mental picture of his habits, and I feel bad about my result. I have the sneaking suspicion that T is either High-functionally autistic, or has a similar affliction (I never researched anything just because I don't want to give the thought any room to grow.). Am I wrong for letting myself think that? Is he just a normal Teenager? If he suffers from a mental illness, should I approach the situation differently? My current course of action has just been to ignore his existence entirely. And to be clear, I've never brought this up with him, but I've told friends about my thoughts, and they think i'm wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
WQVBt00l9ejAAU2KRo1aEHGqiC8SQCud | b6qfkq | {
"description": "not particularly liking one of my girlfriends dogs",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not particularly liking one of my girlfriends dogs? | I have nothing against dogs, I have had a dog before and other assorted pets. I have been dating a girl now for about two years, we recently moved in with one another and I have known her for a long time. About a year before I met her she adopted two dogs. Both are pitbull mixes and male, one looks more like a lab and the other is more like a bulldog; we'll call them dog A and dog B.
​
Dog a is about 4-5 years old and is fixed. He is more cat than he is dog. He doesn't growl or bark unless there's some unknown being approaching our front door. He will sleep 24 hours a day if you let him. It took several months for this dog to warm up to me. At first he just ignored my presence until I think he realized I also live in this house and are not going anywhere. Now he jumps and wags and patty pats when I'm around and I love it. He's a low maintenance dog and requires the bare minimum.
​
Dog b is a lot different. This one my girlfriend says she found when he was just a puppy though I'm not sure how young a puppy. He is not fixed and will growl and bark at anything. Admittedly, he is well-behaved and knows a handful of commands, doesn't fuck shit up in the house, etc. However, this dog is fucking scared of everything. Any sudden or loud movement sends him scattering. If I put down a cup too loudly on the table he runs for his life. If you look at him directly in the eyes for too long he starts shaking. Walk too quickly towards him (such as when I am trying to put his collar on him) and he'll roll over onto his back submissively and you need to physically move him out of that position. I have never met a dog who is so much of a pussy it is unbelievable.
​
Dog A has recently become my favorite but dog B is my girlfriend's and my in-laws pride and joy for reasons unbeknownst to me. It's gotten to the point where I have to force myself to interact positively with dog B instead of just ignoring him. It just seems like so much of a CHORE to do anything with dog B that there seems to be no joy in it. The girlfriend has noticed the difference in my behavior towards these dogs and it clearly upsets her but I am not doing anything on purpose. Am I being the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
LcgwjwWIIIUP7Ve9RvE37dS3PkD8H2ke | as7yzm | null | AITA when my best friend started dating my crush? | Some backstory. My best friend (let us call her Harley) and I met on our first year of highschool and we were very close, basically like sisters, ever since. In our class was this one guy (we'll call him Batman) that I had a huge crush on, but nothing ever happened since he was already dating someone back then, so the 3 of us were nothing more than really close friends.
A year ago he broke up with his girlfriend, but I never could really figure out when it would be a good time to confess. However, Harley also had a crush on him as well, but at some point told me she got over it and doesn't like him that way anymore. Now it is 5 years after we met. We all celebrated new years together, as we always do, but since I was out of country for Christmas, I was only coming back on December 31st, and Harley & Batman along with our other mutual friend went to do shopping for new year, like food and drinks we are gonna need. Apparently that is when things between them started happening. On new years Batman gave Harley a confession letter in which he asks if they could try to be together and see how it works out. She promptly took a picture of it and sent it to me telling me how she said yes. I was so hurt and broken. I told them both how much this hurt me and how I am gonna keep my distance away from them for a while until it settles a bit. Batman was understanding, but Harley kept asking me to come hang out with them like it was all fine and I started ghosting her. It has been 2 months now, and it still hurts. I can't open any social media without them popping up everywhere.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, but what hurts is that my, basically sister, knowing I liked him, agreed to date him. If the tables were turned I could never do this to her knowing it would hurt her as much as it hurts me. My mentality is that I go by the "bro code" and if she really liked a guy I could never have anything even remotely flirty with him. She doesn't get that and keeps acting like things are all fine and the way they used to be before. She is very confused as to why I am upset with her and keeps pestering our other mutual friends to ask me why I am upset with her. And it pisses me off more that she keeps dragging in all our mutual friends into something that is supposed to be just between us.
I am also starting to think she never loved me for me for ME. I feel she only loved the things I was providing her with, like my love and attention, my care for her and support I constantly gave her. And now that she is dating with him, she doesn't need me anymore. I could literally disappear and they would still be happy and not effected in any way. Am I in the wrong for feeling betrayed? Or is it my view on it that is wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
XnuGVoyMYhpMe6J7fZdJEEJkMwVnAIHf | 9z8rf3 | {
"description": "not giving a peadophile his pain relief",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 63
} | AITA for not giving a peadophile his pain relief? | As a nurse it is obviously my duty to provide care to anyone in need. A recent patient of mine was a convicted peadophile and fled from police when they went to arrest him again after new charges came to light. He injured himself breaking several bones while trying to flee. I was supposed to give him painkillers but falsified documents AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 63,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 63
} | WRONG |
LaoliY4CAzodIIXV7xDm8gZ3aCTVnjPy | ar0c2b | {
"description": "expecting my friend to pay rent after hurricane",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for expecting my friend to pay rent after hurricane? | AITA My friend and his wife stayed at my and my wife’s house for 4 months after a hurricane. There was water damage to his house requiring him to replace some furniture and drywall. While staying with us he offered to help with the utilities as he couldn’t do much more.
Living in close quarters put a strain on our friendship and as they treated our house poorly by marking up the walls, breaking blinds, tearing out closet shelves, leaving the bathroom dirty, ruining the toilet seat cover and other things.
They treated our food and other household supplies as theirs, often without telling us that they had.
Towards the end of the four months we talked about paying some form of rent and he agreed we would work out a reasonable amount. We discussed approximately $400 a month minus what he paid in utilities already.
After a year of delaying, falling through on
payment plan, and asking for more time to repay he has completed his home renovations and major upgrades and listed his house on the market. That was 3 months ago.
He and his wife make more than double the income than we do. Now his wife is telling him that if roles were switched they wouldn’t even ask us for money for rent. Despite the fact that few years back we stayed with them for a few months while looking for a home and paid a fair rent.
AITA for expecting any rent? Or AITA for expecting as much as we discussed ?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
J3PcALlqB1bvHCbGZ8vgRxfwBiwKrpvm | aw9v17 | {
"description": "potentially breaking up a \"strong couple\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for potentially breaking up a "strong couple" | I started a new job in a new city. On the first day I met this awkward girl, but very sweet.
I had no place to stay and I was just starting up in this new place so she offered me to stay in her spare room in her apartment.
I started to realise her perfect relationship with her boyfriend wasn't that strong, not as strong as they made out.
He turned out to be massive addict (you name it and he was on it).
So this girl is my co worker, and after several lunches and drinks she started to tell me that he's never hit her but has emotionally abused her.
One night she and I were getting drunk and she kissed me. I let it happen.
Since then I have seen a spark in her eyes, she's more chatty and outspoken.
Even though I like this girl I could not accept her as an actual girlfriend, she's too anxious, quiet and awkward.
I find her physically attractive and feel like our kiss has given her the courage to leave her abusive boyfriend. But I feel like she may expect us to be a couple if she breaks up with him.
TLDR: am I the asshole because a girl cheated on her boyfriend with me but I don't want to date her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
45gdY9cim3NOAPVoZTzFWFEbvE192Y9S | b44h1g | {
"description": "throwing away my girlfriend's cigarettes after she lied to me about quitting",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 36
} | AITA for throwing away my girlfriend’s cigarettes after she lied to me about quitting? | My girlfriend has been an off and on again smoker for years. I absolutely cannot stand it, the smell, or any of it. We’re only in our mid twenties and I’ve been trying to get her to quit now before it kills her in 20 years.
The other night she came home absolutely reeling of smoke and I asked her straight up if she had started again. She said no but I didn’t believe her. So I waited until she went to bed that night and I looked through her purse and found a pack of smokes hidden underneath a bunch of crap. I threw them out in the dumpster outside our apartment building.
When she woke up she started rummaging through her purse and I asked her if she was looking for her smokes because if she is I threw them out last night. She started raising her voice at me that I had no right to do that and I shot back at her that she shouldn’t have lied to me about starting again.
She stormed off to work and we’ve barely spoken to each other in a few days now. We’ve been together almost three years and this is our first significant argument up until now.
When we have talked, it starts out as a normal conversation but it quickly devolves into her accusing me of being a controlling asshole and me calling her a liar.
So, AITA for throwing out her cigarettes?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 22,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 36
} | WRONG |
QUQUK3m1WVdKATux7yGwRM4EQNdTAdBs | a5npr8 | {
"description": "not wanting to pay my brothers extra money out of an inheritance for a property",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to pay my brothers extra money out of an inheritance for a property? | My mother recently passed away and didn't really have much of a will other than for my two brothers and I to split things evenly and not fight. She had a retirement fund that after splitting, before taxes, each of us will get around $53k. Two years ago her house appraised for $65k and my brothers thought there was at least $22k left on the mortgage it and had no interest in moving in or buying the property so it was verbally agreed I would buy and live in the house from the estate. We recently found out that there was only $12k left on the house so now my brothers want me to give each of them $5k from my portion to make up the difference. I know I am getting a really good deal on a house but we live in one of the poorest counties in Illinois where one out of every five houses is for sale and is on the market for an average of three years. So it's not like I'm flipping this property and pulling a fast one on my brothers, in fact, I'm going to need to do foundation work, put on a new roof, install new windows, and do several other pricey renovations to the property.
So am I the asshole for being reluctant to pay my brothers extra money because a previously thought property price was incorrect? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
lveonK0c0WBQrIjPcIQ5cxJdffGK99Eh | b9r6sb | {
"description": "being getting mad at my mom after all she's done to me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being getting mad at my mom after all she's done to me? | Ever since I was little, my mom never took my side. I'm an Indian, so it's pretty common for us to live with our paternal grandparents, more on this later.
My father died when I was 9. After that, whenever I made a mistake even something so trivial as spilling water on my bed or something more serious like getting a B on a test my mom would immediately say "your father died so he doesn't have to deal with this, I'll die too" i.e., she blamed me for my father's death.
My grandma was overprotective of me. I'm a guy, and girls I knew had at least 10x more freedom than I did. It was humiliating. My mom never spoke up despite my constant pleas. The same thing happened once to my mom, and she created a ruckus. I was always obese, and whenever I tried to lose weight my mother never accepted it. Later she blamed me for being fat and not exercising.
All this upbringing has led me to be socially awkward, extremely ill-tempered, and even gotten me depression and anxiety.
Now when I bring this stuff up to my mom and get mad at her, she simply says "It wasn't under my control, what could I do? I'm the DIL and I have to listen to them". She always defends herself no matter what. It makes me so mad and I fire at her constantly. I just can't help it. Remembering all those issues just boils my blood.
**TL;DR** Mom never supported me since I was a little kid. Blamed me for my father's death. Humiliated me in front of my mates. Now when I bring it up she defends herself in any way possible. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
c51yc5HJizdqeXYFFUTWNnRVBHC92uu7 | a9rt2t | {
"description": "telling my mother in law how to cook meat",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 37
} | AITA for telling my mother in law how to cook meat | I’m visiting my in laws for Christmas, and in preparation for Christmas she cooked her turkey on the 23rd December and cooked her ham on the same day. She carved it up and left it out on the side because the kitchen was cold enough for it to sit overnight. Then put it in the fridge. By the time it came to Christmas Day, she served the meat fridge-cold and bone-dry. I asked if she could warm my meat up in the microwave, which she did, then when she asked how it was I said “a little dry”, which she didn’t reply to.
Afterwards she asked how I would do a roast turkey, and as a chef, I told her that I would have done it fresh on the day, gave her tips on how to carve it, and make gravy from the juices of the bird. Then how to roast a gammon to keep it fresh and moist, which she just nodded along to.
Later in the day my partner came to me asking what I said to his mum. She told him she was massively offended, that I was slagging off her food and she was crying saying she thought she ruined Christmas for everyone.
I tried to ask her if she’s ok, and she kept saying “next time I’ll make the meat extra WET!! I didn’t know people wanted it WET!!” And was crying saying we wouldn’t be coming over again for years.
Now my partner, his brother, his mum and stepdad are all acting weird with me, but when we were eating I said the food was delicious. Which it was, if not very dry.
She gave me a backhanded comment asking saying we should cook next year and I said “it would be my pleasure!!!” Which just made things worse!
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 37
} | WRONG |
cwzyz1tUY04lQDwSHH7V07VDVxtf0534 | aja3hy | {
"description": "not deleting a funny comment that my friends asked me to because they felt it was disrespectful",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not deleting a funny comment that my friends asked me to because they felt it was disrespectful? | This is kind of out there so sorry in advance. Also I’m on mobile so apologies on that
To start things off, I’m a female who does cosplay as a hobby. So I make my own costumes and go to comic cons, my friends do as well though they’re newer at the dressing up aspect and I’ve tried my best to show them the ropes, they seem to really enjoy it and I’m very glad to share something I’m passionate about with them.
The three of us as a group decided we wanted to do a “sexy” group cosplay. I don’t want to give away too much but it was leotards and tights pretty much. We all took pictures together in poses ranging from funny to promiscuous so we could post them on our own accounts. Before every photo I posted I asked for permission to post and sent them the picture asking if I needed to change anything. They gave me their consent and the picture I posted was of us all having our backs to the camera and smiling (butt pic, it was a gratuitous group butt pic lol)
One of the comments I got was something along the lines of “happy hump day to me lol” I saw it as funny and liked it. My friends saw it as “disgusting and disrespectful” and asked me to delete it. I said that the comment really wasn’t that bad and made me laugh. And that I wouldn’t want to start unnecessary drama, considering how much grossness can be in the cosplay community, I don’t want to make something out of nothing.
They both blew up at me, with one commenting under my picture how inappropriate and awful that comment was I ended up replying that I thought it was very “cheeky” of them to try and defuse the situation and because I was sitting on that pun for a good hour. It didn’t work and I ended up deleting both the “hump day” comment and hers and mine because I didn’t want to escalate the situation anymore then it already was.
Then I tried to explain that they both should expect comments like that when we purposely pose and give consent for it to be posted on a public forum like my profile. With one of my friends texted me that she “doesn’t take pictures to be disrespected.” And that I’m not taking her feelings into account and don’t care about her. I responded that I do care and I don’t take pictures to be disrespected either, I’m proud of my costumes I make and the effort I put into it and my body.
As of now, I’ve talked to one friend and she seems to be okay and can see my point of view at least a little. My profile is more cosplay orientated so I have a bit more of a following and have gotten many of the token shitty sexist comments that I block and delete. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong for saying no to deleting a comment they didn’t like on my profile and then making a dumb pun. I know the picture has all of us in it, but I asked for permission to post and it was a butt pic, so I thought they’d expect that people would comment on the butts.
Tl;dr: posted a sexy cosplay picture of me and my friends I had consent to post. Friends felt disrespected when someone commented on the sexiness and felt like I handled their feelings on it the wrong way. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
NSqFsUaPR33b94PKPcI36fB4Z2tsEu8Q | a7x1gk | {
"description": "telling my friend I didn't want to be friends with him anymore",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my friend I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore? | Backstory on this: I made an r/snapchat post looking for friends and to start streaks and I met this one guy. Let’s call him Adam. So, Adam and I became friends. At the same time, I was talking to this guy from Tinder (let’s call him Mark) and he goes to my college. We were definitely end game and I told Adam that I liked Mark a lot and I was hoping that he was gonna ask me out. Adam gave me advice on Mark’s and I’s relationship. I told Adam a lot of stuff about my relationship, like we went on many dates and even drove back to my my hometown to go to a haunted house. It was obvious that I saw Adam as a friend.
Then, one day he sends me a long paragraph about how much he likes me and that he couldn’t stop thinking about me. Then, he asks me if I wanted to be more than friends. ??? I was overwhelmed because there was too much to read and I didn’t know how to respond. I was pretty clear that I liked Mark as well. I never showed any interest in Adam. I was gonna respond to him, but he started turning toxic. He dm’ed me on Twitter repeatedly. I didn’t know there were read receipts on Twitter so he called me out on it, but he was being very rude about it. I know I felt bad, but I just didn’t know how to respond by not hurting his feelings. It was gonna take me a day to respond because I was already stressed with studying for an exam.
Then, he messaged me on snapchat and started adding me and unadding me on snapchat. Finally, he messages me on Twitter saying he was gonna DM Mark and ruin things between me and him. He actually messaged Mark and told him that I slept around with many guys and that he was looking out for another bro. This is not true at all. Mark messages me on snapchat and shows me the DM from Adam. I clarified that it wasn’t true and that Adam was my friend that caught feelings for me. Adam then messages Mark asking if he was interested in me. Mark was gonna reply to him, but instead told me that he did like me as more than a friend. Mark stopped replying to Adam and Adam messages me on Twitter saying, “Well he just told me he ain’t interested in you, soooooo.... I’d say I won.” I blocked his number after this situation and he texted me from ANOTHER number, saying that’s he’s taking good care of Mark or whatever. I then blocked him on everything else.
I think a few weeks after this incident, someone by the name of Jim adds me on snapchat. I thought it was someone from r/snapchat that messaged me, so I just added them back. We start messaging and turns out it’s ADAM. He apologizes for all the things he did and I apologized for not replying back to him after he confessed to me. I think he said it was alright of whatever, so he asks if I could add him back on his main snapchat, so I did. I told him I wasn’t going to be as open as I was before and he accepts that. I feel like I held a grudge on him because of what he did to me. So, I kinda felt uneasy messaging him. Recently, I messaged him and I made an accidental typo and didn’t correct it, so he said it was an embarrassing typo that I couldn’t even correct. But, it was clear what I meant. It’s like he was attacking me. After he said that, I became bland with him. He notices and makes a remark about how he’s had better conversations with Siri. Then, why not talk to Siri?? So, WIBTA if I told him I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore?
tl:dr: met guy friend on reddit. was talking to a guy at the time. guy friend catches feelings and i didn’t respond to him in time and he become toxic. block him on everything. messages me from another name and wants to be friends again. i accept at first, but feel uneasy and don’t feel like being friends with him again. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vlHlTwZFGUQb8ypfxWPf6D1WuzIlT3rZ | b8ab5g | {
"description": "contacting a good friend through a third party and not directly",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for contacting a good friend through a third party and not directly? | So I'm 21F in my third year of med school and the friend in question (Nat) is in his fifth year. Nat is a foreign student from Benin and is very intelligent, he is almost 19 and in his fifth year out of six so he skipped quite a few levels. We became very good friends last year because I had some trouble getting into the groove of studying and he helped me out a lot. Over time I befriended some of his classmates.
So last semester Nat failed his first exam here. I've failed before and its devastating, but you get two chances to rewrite and that helps you in the long run in my opinion, because the learning material is a but fresher in your mind. I didn't find out til the weekend before he was supposed to write, but when I did I played him a visit. He seemed really down and was seriously doubting his ability to pass and stay in the school. I spent several hours consoling him before I had to leave.
That same weekend my class left for a four week community posting in a rural area with awful connection, I had to walk several kilometers to make my calls. I tried to call him everytime I went which was at least twice a week. He wouldn't know the results til we came back and was seriously stressing over it. Sometimes we would talk about it and sometimes we would joke, but he wasn't his normal self.
After two weeks he stopped answering my calls and wouldn't respond to my texts. Because of the mood he was in I was concerned, so when we got back to school another two weeks later I stopped by his room but he wasn't there. One of his good friends told me he went to stay with his host family a bit, so I let him know to tell Nat to contact me when he had the chance.
Nat eventually got back to me about a week later and I let him know I asked his friend to tell him to contact me because I hadn't heard from him in a while. He got really angry with me and said I betrayed him by going to his friend. He said that I could always talk to him directly and that he's disappointed I didn't try harder.
I see no betrayal in this. If he won't answer my class or texts and I'm worried about his mental health what am I supposed to do? I told him that but he kept focusing on how I didn't care enough to come to him directly. I realised it was no use arguing with him and apologised. This happened three weeks ago and we haven't spoken since, I'm still worried about him but idk if I really did something wrong.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
nMs91OvDoufbTRlDS4poWXW13W2KmsbJ | b3pv09 | {
"description": "leaving him on read for an hour",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA because I left him on read for an hour? | So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a while. Before him I didn't even have a snapchat, so he pushed me to get one and to message him more. Admitted I suck at messaging, I'm more of a face to face person, but I'm getting better at it.
So fast forward to last night. I was hanging out with my friends house and I was waiting on her to finish getting changed for work. Him and I were messaging, but we really didn't have anything meaningful to talk about, so I figured I'd just text him when I got home. In the mean time I did take a goofy photo on snapchat and posted it on my story saying "bored" because I was.
He flips out on me for leaving him on read... for an hour. Stating that I thought he was boring and I had better people to talk to rather than him. I guess he thought I was posting for attention, which I was not. Keep in mind I have not done ANYTHING to make him think that I would be looking to talk to other guys.
So proceeds to ignore me and not talk to me at all. I guess it's a "taste of my own medicine". I just don't get why he would be so upset over not messaging him for an hour. AITA not having the correct "text etiquette"? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
UfC2NibVdUy4iYQ4l8w7i0q3QS0tnvFz | ai7sxj | {
"description": "not forgiving my alcoholic uncle",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not forgiving my alcoholic uncle? | TL;DR at the bottom.
So this was an ongoing situation that has more or less settled down for now.
Recently, it came out that my uncle, who was the sweetest man and beloved by my whole family, was actually a raging alcoholic for at least the past five years, possibly longer, and that my aunt (my mother's sister) has been covering for him this entire time. Literally no one knew, not even my recovering-alcoholic grandfather (my mother and aunt's stepfather).
Now, the way this came out, was because he got drunk, bought a gun, and shot out the windows in the lobby of his apartment building, getting himself arrested and my aunt quietly evicted. This was actually the second gun he'd bought, my aunt panicked and hid the first one from him, for fear he'd hurt himself.
I don't know for certain if my uncle ever directly hurt my aunt, but he was definitely causing them extreme financial distress. He couldn't hold down a job (many of us were confused as to why he "wasn't looking," now we know), was spending all their money on booze, spent all his time that he wasn't actively at a family function drunk. It's been like this for the past five years, possibly more, as I'm not sure if my aunt was telling the truth, considering how long and how well she's been covering for him so far.
Normally, I'd be more sympathetic; I loved my uncle, we all did, we all thought he was a wonderful guy. Add to that, I struggle with severe anxiety/depression myself, I know how hard mental illness can be, and mental illness is a big part of addiction. But there are a few reasons why I'm not very sympathetic to my uncle.
First of all, my mother and aunt both have a history of alcoholic men in their lives. Their biological father was an alcoholic veteran, which resulted in his split from my grandmother (he died not long after, unrelated). Finally, my grandfather (their stepfather) was an alcoholic for a very long time, and my mother and aunt both had to watch as my grandmother covered for him and suffered for it. My uncle was privy to all of this information.
Second of all, he had at least five years to get help. Five years of my aunt trying to get him help, five years of making my aunt suffer for his addiction, five years of crippling unemployment, five years of financial struggles, five years of letting my aunt cover for him. During this time, he watched my grandparents suffer for my grandfather's addiction, and also watched my grandfather struggle to overcome his addiction. (He's doing much better now).
To be clear, I'm not angry at my uncle for being an alcoholic; hell, I don't hate my grandfather for the same thing. But I am angry because there are two differences between my uncle and my grandfather's situation; first, my grandfather didn't let his alcoholism put them in trouble financially, whereas my uncle very much did. Second, my grandfather got help and made an effort to recover. My uncle did not, and my aunt has confirmed this.
I'm angry at my uncle not because he should have known better than to become an alcoholic, but because he should have known better than to not seek help when he was making himself and his wife suffer, especially knowing my aunt's family history with alcohol. Not to mention my grandfather's struggles with the very same issue! Though they agree with my aunt's decision to cut things off with him now that he's incarcerated, my family seems to want to be more sympathetic to my uncle. It caused a brief argument over Christmas actually (which my aunt was too stressed to attend), though we were all a little tipsy at the time. So, am I the asshole for not forgiving him? It just seems like he had so much time, and so much reason to seek help, and had he come to us with this initially, we all would've supported him in his recovery. But he didn't, and ended up throwing my aunt under the bus.
TL;DR, after refusing treatment for at least five years of severe alcoholism, knowing full well my aunt's family history with alcoholism, my uncle was arrested and got my aunt evicted after he shot out the windows of their apartment building's lobby, and I seem to be much less sympathetic than the rest of my family. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
PyZ8DgadXrrG8mHGy7Ej2AYKw0E8h22q | a4y3vh | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend of 5 years Id prefer she didn't wear earrings",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA if I told my girlfriend of 5 years id prefer she didn't wear earrings? | I told her I preferred her without earrings when she was shopping for earrings on Amazon, and she immediately stopped shopping and browsing for them, I told her I didn't mean she couldn't wear them, I just meant I preferred her without them. She's assured me she isn't upset at all, but I still feel kinda like an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
ZsSXvikHTSfMPm0D650kWFNnVRP7zHna | b9k3yu | {
"description": "frequently telling my parents to shut up",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for frequently telling my parents to shut up? | Repost because exceeding word limit.
Thank you in advance!
Background: 22yo, medical student, dx Asperger's (expired), Asian, middle-class family, no financial issue, part-time job as a tutor, live in dorm, was in a therapy(provided by a psychiatrist) for around 1 year with med applied due to depression/other thoughts before went to college.
Most people I asked irl said Im the asshole. I'd like to see how this issue could be analyzed by people not around me.
I had post an issue I was extremely concerned on Asperger's sub in which I mentioned that I had problem with interests/routines being unwillingly forced/indicated by others to drop off. The post was life-changing to me.
I started from telling other people that it wasn't nice to say/keep an expressively negative attitude toward what I was doing/preferred. It was inefficient.
At one point I was annoyed enough that I had fewer options I could do and 2 months ago I told my parents to shut up. My mom was instantly in tears. That was when my mom tried convincing me focusing on academy rather than preparing materials for my (tutor) students during my free time.
My father did a talk with me later. He said they would support me&I didn't need to do a part-time job and it was ungrateful, disrespectful and improper to tell parents to shut up. And I told him to shut up after remaining silence for the whole "talk." He threatened me not to support me anymore. I told him that he was a tutor himself when he was a student and he could sustain himself, why did he think that threatening me financially would work?
Since then(Feb) my relationship with them worsens a lot but I feel like I can't care it anymore. I have nothing left. Meanwhile my mental health is significantly benefited from this incident.
AITA here? If so, what should I change? Is there any solution? Friends told me I should apologize to my parents. I told them I didn't need their financial support and I'm already 22 years old(adult). My point is: I could return money for raising me up after I get my license. I can definitely count interest if needed.
My best friend said that my statement was cold-blooded and I shouldn't blame my parents for having good intention and I should have resisted what decision they made(controlled) for me or it must be me not making enough effort expressing my feeling/firm response against them.
I have a strong feeling that "something is changing." I tell parents/friends to shut up and other words frequently/occasionally when what they say/do don't make sense to me.
Again, thank you for your reading! I really need help regarding this incident and the consequence owing to blind spots and possible logical mistakes.
Wish you a good day/evening/night! And if possible, please straight forward tell me what, why and how I did was wrong, thank you! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
WELgKI5mKfRp0KGdjnCGtyJMox7i4yr0 | amqn5u | {
"description": "being upset about my husband's ex-wife not saying hello when she comes to my home",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being upset about my husband's ex-wife not saying hello when she comes to my home? | So, to give some back story, my husband and his ex-wife raised our oldest dog together before they broke up. She even helped him pick out our youngest shortly after she moved out. As part of their dissolution, they agreed the dogs were "shared property" and created a custody and visitation schedule. She picks up the dogs for her week and he picks up the dogs for his week. They actually do better with their parenting schedule than my ex does with ours for my son (that's a story for another time....but he's made it pretty difficult to coparent).
When she gets here, I make it a point to acknowledge her existence. I try to be cordial and speak to her, even if it's something as simple as a "hi". We moved a little more than a year ago to be closer to work, which is closer to her. I don't think she's said a single word to me since we moved here, so today I went off about it to my husband. I feel it's very rude to go to someone's home and not say anything to the home owner who's standing or sitting right there. My ex engages with my husband when he comes to pick up our son, and is very polite about it. I'm not asking for a long conversation or even small talk. I respect her enough to say hello and feel that her completely ignoring my existence is rude. AITA for expecting her to say hello?
TLDR my husband's ex-wife comes to our house to pick up their dogs per their legal agreement. She completely ignores my existence. AITA for being upset about it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
8EEeA03CcCo79GgaUyQ7dNJWLBiYIHqr | b8qpak | {
"description": "asking to see my Fiance's bank statements",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for asking to see my Fiance's bank statements? | My fiance and I have been together 2+ years in Las Vegas (relevant) and are getting married in 2020. I deeply love this man and he’s almost storybook perfect. That being said, the only thing that would have caused me to hesitate on his proposal is how irresponsible he is with money. Every month, it's like pulling teeth to get just his half of our shared bills, which I always end up covering to some extent. So, I told him days later that if he can't get his act together, I would need to take sole control of our budget or I can’t marry him.
He makes less than I do, but he still says he makes $35k+/year (plus benefits) so there shouldn’t be a reason, including student loan payments, for him to not be able to pay his half.
I made an Excel sheet in *September* to help him budget better. *Last month*, I got frustrated that I couldn't manage my own savings because I was constantly overestimating how much he could give me. So, I told him that I would cover our shared expenses and just stretch my dollar, if he can make it his job to stash the majority of each check for the wedding. *Two weeks ago*, I found out that *he hadn't opened the budget spreadsheet since I made it.* I was asking him to fill it in since the numbers he was giving me seemed oddly low. When I asked about it, he got incredibly defensive, giving me excuses like ‘he didn’t make enough to even warrant filling put something like this’ and made me feel like I was being cruel for not believing he doesn’t have the money. After 4 weeks of not paying rent/bills, he had $150 available for savings.
I don’t know how, but every time I talk to him, he manages to make me feel like I'm a bully or like I'm just refusing to see how the numbers are falling, except he won't show me! And I'm starting to feel like I'm crazy! BUT everyone I’ve gone to for advice thinks he has a gambling addiction. They can't find any other explanation that makes sense, and while I HAVE had a couple run-ins with him and gambling, it just didn't add up for me. He never struck me as the compulsive type-
Until March Madness. We both have brackets that I thought were just for fun, between his friends. I even made a lot of bad picks to try and make him and his friends laugh, but he was weirdly stressing over it until I reminded him, "It's not for money, just for fun, right?" at which point he calmed down, but when my key team lost a week later, he said, "Well, there goes your shot at the money."
When I asked, "what money," he started backpedaling HARD, saying "oh. I just assumed there might be a grand prize, it just made sense" but dodged my questions about the cost. The only way you get a prize in sports betting is if you put money down, right? Please correct me if I'm making a false assumption!
So, WIBTA for asking to see his bank statements to rule out irresponsible spending/addiction? Or are the people in my life right, and I've been too much of a pushover this whole time? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SzcQo4Pv8neMMfIysdhGLVrVRMdfnzpK | b0eeud | {
"description": "wanting to get \"married\" during future sister-in-law's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for wanting to get “married” during future sister-in-law’s wedding? | As long as my Fiancé (who we will call Jon) and I have been planning our wedding, he has expressed that all he wants is a simple elopement on a beach. Just the two of us exchanging vows and committing to spend our lives together.
Due to our family that is not an option. Everyone wants to be there. As such, we have planned a big wedding that neither of us really wants.
Jon’s sister (who we will call Emma) is getting married 9 months before us in Mexico. She is getting married on the second day of our trip.
The rest of the family will be arriving/leaving earlier than us, and we are all doing our own thing outside of the wedding. Jon and I will be staying at a different resort than the rest of the family to save money.
I came up with the idea yesterday that maybe Jon and I should have our own private symbolic ceremony during our trip to Mexico for Emma’s wedding.
In my mind, I don’t see why the two of us can’t head down to the beach one morning, and exchange vows in the way that both of us have always wanted. I figure as long as it is a private ceremony between the two of us, it won’t be a big deal.
We wouldn’t tell anyone, and we would go still go through with our wedding in the winter. There would be no witnesses, so it wouldn’t even be a legal ceremony.
When I suggested this to Jon, he laughed at me.
He said there was no point in doing a symbolic ceremony since we are spending so much money on our “real” wedding. He also told me that it was a really shitty thing to do to Emma, and that it would take away from her big day.
I told him that this is what we’ve always wanted, and would be free since we are already paying to be there for Emma’s wedding. Also since we wouldn’t tell anyone, it wouldn’t matter. In my world, this is the perfect way to have the intimate ceremony we have always wanted, with the big ceremony/reception for our families sake.
So, AITA for wanting to get “married” during future sister-in-law’s wedding? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
ZlBYug8i265heJevVeBlexVYRd0fx0X6 | atkr7u | {
"description": "not thinking migrants ruined my hangout spot",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | Aita for not thinking migrants ruined my hangout spot? | So, in my town in Sweden there is this youth center place that's always been great. Cheap prices too. Anyway the last couple months there has been a huge influx of migrants, mostly from middle east and africa. They are loud and don't speak swedish, or if they do, it's like a ghettofied version.
They are gradually becoming the majority and it's depressing. There are no new people to hang with, no cute girls, just loud people talking weird languages and playing FIFA. Honestly me and my friends are thinking of just abandoning the place, since it's basixally dying now. We're pretty much scouting other youth places with different demographics.
AITA for thinking like this and in genersl thinking that this placr being mostly foreigners now is ruining the place. Maybe it's probably not acceptable socially but this is my honest view. Am I and my friends assholes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
9PpeIL3GVlunjYP5Gezlv5Pt3EgB6pTX | a5iizl | {
"description": "yelling at my mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | Aita for yelling at my mom | I woke up about 10 mins before then bus came and I couldn’t find my laptop, I was in room upstairs and she was in the kitchen making breakfast for my brother since he goes to school later then I, I raised my voice not too loud because If I was too loud she would be pissed at me, I did this about 4 times and then I yelled out really loud "MOM HAVE YOU SEEN MY LAPTOP OR NOT" and I know I shouldn’t have done that but then she started cursing at me calling things like "faggot" and "dumbass", and how I shouldn’t yell at my own mother, I told her that she shouldn’t call me that and she got even more mad so I just went upstairs to look for my laptop, I hadn’t even showered or brushed my teeth so I smelled like shit all day so I just put my uniform as fast as I could, as I was about to leave I find my laptop, put on my coat and leave, ever since she’s been talking shit about me specially when I’m near her so I can hear, I apologized for my behaviour and told her she shouldn’t treat me poorly either but she just keeps treating me like shit, idk what to do | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
fBS5BPRPEDJbfju2GqY3kUkIoAlYQ0ki | b8s6t1 | {
"description": "assuming the 1-1.5 hour gap in my work day could be used to my discretion",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for assuming the 1-1.5 hour gap in my work day could be used to my discretion? | I’ve been working at my job since July. In addition to seeing clients throughout the day, this job requires lots of documentation/paperwork which I was told could be completed and billed to the company after hours. No real guidelines/rules/limits provided about how much extra time we could spend on paperwork. It is an hourly position. I stay after sometimes but rarely more than 15-30 minutes.
One of the contracts I provide services for 1x per week can be completed in 1.25-2 hours. I get there at 8am, see my clients, then drive approx 15 minutes to my next site. At my next site I do paperwork for approx an hour-an hour and a half (it varies depending on how busy the morning was) then take an hour lunch break with the rest of the employees. After that I see clients until 5pm.
I’ve been thankful for the extra hour I get to catch up on paperwork and use it for exactly that. However, recently my boss has been going over the numbers and figuring out profits with different contracts. He never said anything directly to me. But recently two of my coworkers on two separate occasions asked why I was at work so “early” on this day. I told them I was finished with my first site and doing paperwork, like I have been since July.
Now I’m paranoid. Should I have gotten off the clock when I completed my first site then returned after lunch? Should I have asked my boss what I’m supposed to be doing during this extra hour/hour and a half and not assumed I’d get paid during it? I realized that other employees don’t get this time to complete paperwork as their morning contracts are longer. Am I stealing time? If this is a problem, is it on my boss for not explaining my schedule to me from the beginning? At this job, I have seen countless “mistakes” by employees that were really just due to my boss assuming people know the “rules” intuitively so I’m afraid I will be punished for this.
TL:DR I get paid an extra hour/hour and a half each week during a gap in my schedule that my coworkers do not get (that I use to complete paperwork-they either complete their paperwork after hours or during client cancellations). We are allowed to bill for paperwork after hours with no real guidelines/limits about how much time we can spend on it. No one said anything about this until recently two coworkers asked why I’m “early” since I don’t see clients until after lunch. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tKnwf9tZBpM06L4ysVMypn3wHP5VSjNd | b2n45o | {
"description": "breaking up with a girl after finding out she had slept with a friend of mine",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for breaking up with a girl after finding out she had slept with a friend of mine? | We'll use the name John for my friend and Jane for my (now ex) gf. All of us are in our early 20s.
​
John introduced me to Jane about 6 months ago because he thought we'd make a great match. We hit it off and ended up entering a relationship. She's a really great girl and we got along great. However last week I received an anonymous message over instagram saying that Jane and John used to be fuck buddies. It ate at me and a couple days later I asked her about it. She ended up coming clean and confirming that yes they were. This made me super uncomfortable because I don't want to ever date someone a friend of mine has slept with. To be honest if I am dating someone I want nothing to do with people they have slept with before me. I had to digest that information for a couple days before deciding that I couldn't handle that and I wasn't down to force myself to deal with that as an issue. She flipped out pretty hard and called me sexist, slut shaming, etc. John is also pissed off saying that I'm being immature and that he expected better from me. Some mutual friends have also commented with reactions ranging from somewhat neutral to hostile and angry at me. I honestly don't think I did anything wrong and that I saved us both heartache by biting the bullet instead of letting it drag out longer. I feel like I am being unfairly made out to be the villain here, so I'm coming here to get a second opinion. AITA?
​
TLDR: found out my gf and friend used to fuck, decided to end things. Everyone is mad at me now, | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
otTQDpFMV8ibTR1YCPXr3geDu6UiWX9L | 9x7pa3 | {
"description": "wanting to leave when we've both cheated",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to leave when we've both cheated? | My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half. A couple months back we were going through a rough patch and went on a break for about a week. During that week I went and messed with (but didnt have sex with) another guy. He feels like I cheated because it was just a break but to me we werent together. We were eventually able to move past it, or so I thought, and got back together. Its clear to me now that he never fully let it go. This past week he went on a short Xanax binge and doesnt remember much of what happened. After 2 days of not being able to get ahold of him I went to his house to make sure he was okay and found him in bed with another girl. I feel completely betrayed and heartbroken. I understand that he was under the influence of drugs when it happened but that's not an excuse. I feel like this was more of 'actual' cheating than what I did since he actually had sex with her while we were together but he thinks we both cheated and that because he was able to forgive me that I owe him the same forgiveness. Am I the asshole for wanting to leave when we've both done each other wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lnlXaDR9Gcz14FEDLOwga6GsBuZqUnI9 | awro0f | {
"description": "calling someone's behavior \"tumblr\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling someone's behavior "tumblr"? | This happened a year ago. I want to decide if I can fix this or give up. Changed names; ages are from last year.
**I (F19)** met **Dan (M29)** online and met him IRL after knowing we're in the same area. Met his IRL friends, had good times with them. Dan invites us to "anime breakfast", asking everyone to bring pitches of an original anime show - we'll develop them into fun-no-profits short film. It's a gathering of about 7 people, including **Lily (NB29)** who's a longtime friend of Dan (10 or more years?). Dan invites us to a Discord server after so we can discuss more.
I pitch "*magical girls are captured so the dads turn into magical dads and use magical guns*" that seemed to stick and was pretty clear we all wanted to explore.
The idea of a gay couple comes up. No one's quite sure how to write a gay/queer couple raising a family, and it's clear that a few are uncomfortable w/ it. A majority of the people involved in this project were straight guys. Lily and their friend **Molly(NB29?)** argue we need to implement a gay couple in a non-offending way into the project while Dan and others try to find middle ground or don't the stress is good for a goofy project.
Lily declares "This whole show so far feels homophobic", lists all the flaws in the ideas, accuses Dan of controlling the project, announces they don't want to be involved with the project, and their ideas can't be used.
I skimmed through all of this after it happens. I ask what happened, get a summary, chalked it up to: "if we're THAT concerned about making this Tumblr Friendly i don't think we'll ever come to an agreement." Molly interprets: *adding a gay couple is pandering*. I call out how easily Lily said the show was homophobic when it didn't go their way, Molly disagreed, I say "don't talk to me unless you actually experienced homophobia," which understandably wasn't taken well.
All of this happened within 5 days.
2 months later, I met up with Dan to hang out at a con; Lily's there. I forgot about before, but learn Lily learned what happened by Molly and didn't want to see me. 5 months after THAT, Dan invites me to celebrate a birthday - I don't know the cakeday boy but go with a gift anyway and have a good time. I didn't know that Lily was there, because the moment they saw me, they left after going to Dan and calling him an asshole. Dan confesses to me after that, that I had been barred from a lot of friend gatherings because Lily would refuse to show up if they knew I was being invited.
I reached out to a friend of Dan who offered to mitigate the issue in August. Haven't heard since.
I like Dan's friends and would like to continue going to gatherings, but I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong and rightfully left out because of what I had said. I condensed this as much as possible but please feel free to INFO if needed.
tl;dr: someone wants to add gay rep to a project. calls it homophobic when ppl disagree. i call them tumblr. get shadowbanned from friend events | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
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} | WRONG |
LDoEASuMUEYP8Iacn8E0NvFGdvjYKwAc | b5py0n | {
"description": "not letting a dude work in",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not letting a dude work in? | Recently every time I'm at the gym, there is always the same dude present. This dude is always coming up to me to ask how many sets I got left. I tell him a number, he gives me a blank stare, leaving me no choice but to ask him, if he wants to work in. I don't have a problem with people working in, I get it, it's full and not wanting to wait. But this dude doesn't follow the unspoken gym etiquettes.
Like he takes really long pauses between sets, like 3 to 4 min even when warming up and me asking him, if he could speed up. Since I usually workout 1-2 hours before closing time, means that I have to speed up my training to leave on time.
He is also weak (nothing wrong with that), so I have to rearrange the weights, which he ask me to help. But when it's my set, he pisses off without helping putting them back on.
So yesterday, when he asked me again, how many sets I've left, I just told him that without asking him, if he wants to work in. So he asked me, if he could work in, to which I responded with "no, but I'm going to speed up". Instead how just saying okay, he started to argue with me. To sum up what he said: " why not? If work out in your breaks, you wouldn't even notice me. You aren't doing anything between sets". I responded with a quote from a YouTuber:" my body does more work while resting than yours while working out". He just said fuck you and went away.
Now I'm starting to think, that I was to harsh, because the workout equipment isn't mine and it was full that day, with no available bench.
AITA | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
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} | WRONG |
WK6B64O5IHiO2hN6YDvRCMwaqQ8ZVpEZ | 9zh1bn | {
"description": "keeping 2 condoms left at my place by my now ex-boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for keeping 2 condoms left at my place by my now ex-boyfriend ? | I created this new account for more private stuff like this since my family may know my username.
Some background : My boyfriend of 1 year and a half and I broke up two weeks ago. It was really ugly but after he came picking his stuff back, we had a talk on the phone and we seemed both on the same page : we were hurting each other and were better apart. I told him I had to block him and he understood. After this break up, even if I still loved him, I never wanted to get back with him and made that clear.
At first I made a longer post but then thought this sub don't need that much details. Instead here's the different perspectives :
From mine (F22) : I found 2 condoms in my bed side table, remembered they were leftovers from the ones my boyfriend picked in a family planning center two months ago. That was when I stopped the pill for a month. It felt a bit weird but I put them back, after all we both forgot about it and he didn't have to pay for them. I couldn't call him for this, I couldn't throw them out because they were in good condition and I'm not a wasteful person. I guess in my mind they were just mine now. I did thought that I would probably use them in the future with someone else, because after all I didn't associate them with my ex that much. Unused condoms aren't tied to some sort of sentimentality for me.
From his (23M) : What I did was extremely disgusting. The fact that I didn't even think about throwing them hurts him. The fact that I would use "my ex's condoms" with some other dude is so disrespectful and gross. He only knew about it because we met two weeks after the break up, and while we tried avoiding it, we decided to have sex just this one time. We used them both that night (and that morning). But he still called me the day after, asking me to throw the rest if they were left and ranted for a long time about this. What I did even made him regret being with me for so long because this made him believe that I never respected him. His voice was cracking up and he really seemed more hurt than angry.
This is not really relevant but we talked more, hung up in peace, and haven't contacted each other after this (it's been 3-4 days).
I'm only posting this because he genuinely made me feel bad about something I thought wasn't that big of a deal. I just want to know if this is really a thing people SHOULD NOT do. If this was a box of condoms he had bought I would obviously get it and would have remembered to give them back anyway. If they were left I would have took the opportunity of giving them back, knowing then how important this was to him. I told him all this but he thinks I'm saying that just to make him feel better and because I never want to see myself as a bad person. And I know it's easy to say, but if the roles were reversed, I know I wouldn't care so I don't think I'm being hypocritical.
I'm honestly not sure if he overreacted or if I'm too insensitive and I want to know.
^(On a side note, english isn't my first language and if I wrote weird stuff I'd like to know, thank you.) | HISTORICAL | {
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1r9njuFnKkuJV5IJVMz138GM1n8HneoX | aecezo | {
"description": "saying I don't want my brother to see an r rated movie",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA if I said I don’t want my brother to see an R rated movie? |
TL;DR at bottom
My parents have always been strict about movies. When I was younger than thirteen I wasn’t allowed to watch PG-13, only PG or G. The same went for R rated movies - almost entirely forbidden until my 17th birthday. I’ve loved movies that that are a little too gory/inappropriate for PG-13 for as long as I can remember, and from fourteen onwards I begged to see different R rated movies. I was always turned down. Now that I’m older, and have actually seen those movies, I totally understand my parent’s reasoning. What I don’t understand is how they’re treating my younger brother.
My brother is around fourteen, and doesn’t really show the same interest in these types of movies. Of course, that might be because he’s watching them already; it seems like everyone forgot the rule as soon as it didn’t apply to me. I don’t know if it’s just the curse of being first-born, but it irritates me like nothing else.
After a lot of complaints my parents are starting to see my perspective, but now I’m stuck with a hard choice. Apparently I, my dad, and my brother might all go see Deadpool 2 in theaters. But only if I agree. I loved Deadpool, but it was one of the movies I spent a long time begging to watch in the past. When I was fourteen I could hardly imagine seeing it, and my brother’s being handed the opportunity on a silver platter. I’m half-tempted to knock that platter right out of his hands.
My first reaction is to keep him from seeing it just because I wouldn't have been able to, WIBTA if I did?
TL;DR: I couldn’t watch R rated movies until I was 17, now I get to choose if my 14 year old brother can see one, WIBTA if I said no? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | WRONG |
iSnpdg4cKMlHuT2hVNxer8Ok3GjuElGM | b0tn7i | {
"description": "talking with friends about a common friend groping me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for talking with friends about a common friend groping me? | So, I'm a man (24, as is pretty much everyone mentioned), and about 3 years ago while out partying a friend, let's call her Hannah, started dancing pretty aggressively, grinding on me, etc, culminating in her straight up groping me. I took her hand off me, and she did it again, multiple times.
That was repeated at least 5 more times in the span of a year and a half. Always among other people, and, not that it should matter, she'd stated multiple times that she's not into me (most of those times, unprompted).
In the last few months I took to talking about it with friends, and we're in the same, close group of friends. In general I deal with things by talking about them, and in particular I've brought it up in a few different situations, usually related to something else, but sometimes just because I felt I needed some support.
That said, a couple of friends have told me that it's rude to talk about it, especially without handsy Hannah being there to defend herself. I've talked about it with her too, she said nothing happened, except for some mild grinding. Surprisingly, even that, it appears, had gone unnoticed to everyone. Many of the people I've told about it were present in many of those cases, and they didn't see anything. Fair enough. Some don't believe me. Fair, I guess, it's my word against hers.
I'm not asking if I'm at fault for her groping me, or not stopping it more assertively or whatever. It is what it is, and I'll get over it in my own time (some of those friends also say I should have already gotten over it.) What I'm asking is, AITA for talking about it with a group of (usually common) friends that didn't involve Hannah? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
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} | RIGHT |
v8Aot1wp1BVFF7q8bVr9XAVIQ3N3m30O | and4dz | {
"description": "not looking after my severely depressed friend",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not looking after my severely depressed friend? | Obligatory first time poster warning and trigger warning for self harm and depression.
My friend has depression. We're both teenagers and have been at the same school years.
A few years ago we were best friends and with a stroke of luck, we were finally in the same class! At the start of the year, she tells me a secret that she says I'm not allowed to tell anyone, ever. She's cutting, and she told me this over text. I was 12 and very confused and frightened, but viewed her as my best friend so I just told her that she had my full support and I would help her.
We never mention it, until about 3 months later, when she texts me again about this. This time she included a picture and since it was through instagram dm's, I had no idea what it was until I opened it. The photo was of her stomach with awful red lines, blood and scars on it. Again, I told her that she was my friend, and I would look after her. But inside I just felt awful. I wanted to tell someone, but back then I was so young and a secret is a secret! Snitches get stitches! I told her to stop cutting, but she wouldn't listen.
Over the next few months she kept telling me about her depression, anxiety, insomnia and continual self harming. Occasionally she would send a photo. We never talked about it in person, but every night she would just text and text. She was in an awful part of her life which she needed to get out of. But the things she were saying were also freaking me out and the photos made my skin crawl. Sometimes I wouldn't sleep because I was so worried that she would kill herself so instead I texted her to make sure she was still replying. There was one time she didn't reply for 2 hours and I thought she had done it so I frantically texted her brother to check up on her. She had simply started ignoring my texts and instead texting this boy that she had met. I was relieved that she was alive but utterly pissed as I'd spent the last hour contemplating whether or not to call the cops.
I don't know what she felt, but I felt used and like a garbage dump, just for her to unload her insecurities onto before moving on.
The final straw was when she sent photos of her self harm to another guy that she had met through mutual friends. This guy was 16 when we were 13, and went to a completely different school. She had sent them because he told her to fuck off when she continuously texted him at night. This wasn't her first rodeo in chatting with random guys online, but this time she had not only given him her instagram and phone number, but also mine! I guess he didn't appreciate the unsolicited bloodied photos(that were of her in her underwear too), because then in the most awful act of 'revenge' he sent the photos on a massive group chat he created with her, me, and about 10 of her other friends. He also sent screenshots of their texts which is how I learnt what she had done. Afterwards I begged him to delete the photos off of his phone on behalf of her.
After more than half a year of this, I couldn't stand this anymore. One morning I told our teacher and I couldn't stop crying. If my face were China, then my tears from the left eye could've been the Yellow River and the right the Yangtze. Thankfully, the teacher was fantastic and understanding. She sent me to the school psychologist before calling *her* up. Now if my face tears were like rivers, hers was the entire fucking ocean. She was a human faucet. I got called back to the teacher's office, where Miss Amazon River started hugging me and asking if we were still friends. She explained that since we were best friends, I should listen to her and she would do the same. I said something the lines of "Yeah, friends..." and she took it to heart. But I couldn't even look at her without wanting to bawl like a complete baby again.
After that I stopped hanging out with her and make stupid excuses every time she wants to call me. When she texts I just reply with something small.
Am I the asshole for only being able to see her for the depression and self harm instead of her true self? Am I the asshole for not being her best friend anymore? Is it selfish?
I know that she's on antidepressants now, but I don't know if she's stopped self harming. I hope she's doing well, but we don't really talk anymore. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 11,
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"NOBODY": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
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} | RIGHT |
UAq7n8WWJmkKO9ELKpEZnFioz0MIItWf | 9zm3jn | {
"description": "denying my biological father contact with his grandchildren",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for denying my biological father contact with his grandchildren? | I’ve been on the fence about getting an outside opinion on this, but here goes.
My father and my family on my mother’s side thinks that I should allow my children to have contact with my biological father.
My father has been estranged from the family since I was young. After my parents divorced there was an extensive custody battle that ended in an abusive situation and forced removal from my father’s home. He has come back into the lives of my siblings and they welcomed him with open arms. They say that he has changed and wants to “help.”
I (being the oldest) have a pretty vivid recollection of everything that he had put us through and hold a lot of resentment toward him for it. He has made numerous attempts to contact me since my son was born 7 years ago.
My daughter was born a week ago and he has reinitiated trying to contact me. My family (mother’s side) is asking me to allow him to come around my children once again. They try to guilt me into it despite my feelings about the matter.
My fathers health is not good, he has had a few surgeries to remove tumors from his spine. My family uses this to justify him seeing my children.
TLDR; My biological father and family on my mother’s side is asking that my father be allowed around my children. I am holding onto childhood trauma and think otherwise. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
yRirW4o1TiqlNkgHOYSZEpaK8IH5k3Hp | b2owxw | {
"description": "reporting a non-handicapped car parking in a handicap spot",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for reporting a non-handicapped car parking in a handicap spot? | So i work at a local grocery store. I close almost everyday of the week. Almost every time, I see the same car park in a handicap or expecting mothers spot with no handicap sticker. The person works for the store, and is not liked by many. Our store has lots of older clientel, so it makes me angry to see him take up the spot(usually the closest one to the door). Managers have been notified in the past, but nothing has happened.
Full disclosure, I would like to say there are no personal feelings involved, but it would feel great to see him get a ticket or something like that. So I'm wondering, WIBTA for reporting it? Is it not that big of a problem? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UVMFTlYE9xnX7LXAe2BRf3NxHJyoOAEz | aamb3p | {
"description": "not caring",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not caring | A few days ago, my dad told mom/I that his doctor told him 98% of the cell samples they took from his thyroid came back cancerous. Aka he’s got thyroid cancer.
He got/still is upset that I didn’t take initiative to make his meal plans, look up his doctors, and tell him soft spoken warm words.
This coming from a man who I watched pull and yell at my sick mom out of bed for not wanting to go to church on some sundays for years (she gets chronic migraines), make mom/brother/I cower every time we did something he didn’t find likeable, berate me for not being holy enough like him because I never saw the point of going to India to set up another small church, be a fucking judgment asshole to all non-christians, fail to be there for my brother while brother was growing up so now my brother has drug and confidence issues, tell me that my life is wasted for deciding to go to a non-Ivy league grad school so I should get married instead, etc. etc.
The first thing dad said after telling mom/I of the diagnostic was, “well, now you have take care of me better.” Me, specifically, because “now it is your turn to take up these responsibilities.”
...
I’m sorry, what?
Isn’t the first order of business, “shit **I** have cancer what should **I** do? What are the tests **I** need to go through? Who are my best options in terms of doctors? Any dietary changes **I** need to know of and take?” Like panic internally and figure out what lies ahead of you, yourself first instead of telling someone to do it for you?
I have no emotional attachments to dad like many daughters seem to have to their dads. I wish I did, but I don’t. I do not depend or trust him for anything. I do not confide in him for anything and resist getting anything from him because that means later on I owe him something in return. But because he’s my dad by choices and forces out of my control, I am now having to take care of him? And I have to want to do it because all good daughters should? Oh hell can freeze over but it still a fucking no.
Honestly... I can’t bring myself to make my mom bear all of this by herself and I will probably help. But in truth I want to scream, “fuck you I won’t” to his face. But I want to. I don’t want to take care of my dad who has recently gotten a thyroid cancer diagnostic. Yes it’s the holidays and new years, nice fuzzy feels time and all... but no, I don’t want to. Why do I have to.
I am probably being an asshole bitch... but fuck it.
Goddamn tying this out is cathartic. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vDufdHUsoE2v7oWyDTaW0TMgnKLIHOBp | 9yx2xw | {
"description": "buying \"giftable\" items for myself before birthdays and Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for buying "giftable" items for myself before birthdays and Christmas? | I was coming back home from a vacation a couple days ago with my wife, our son, and both of our parents (4 grandparents) when I noticed the backpack I was using as my personal carry on item had a huge tear near the zipper. The backpack served me really well - 4 years of heavy use in College and another 6 years of frequent use since. I've over packed it a lot so it wasn't a surprise that I eventually just wore it out.
Since I'm going to be traveling again for work in a week, I went online while we were waiting at one of the airports and started looking for replacements. I found one from the same brand, similar to my current one, but that also has a padded laptop compartment that would be really useful since I almost always bring a personal laptop with me when I travel in addition to my work laptop. It seemed like a perfect fit.
I told my wife I was going to go ahead and buy it, which I do for every purchase as a courtesy to her since I handle the finances and want to keep her in the loop with regards to my spending. It also gives her a chance to object if she has any concerns.
She mentions that since Christmas is coming up, I should hold off on the purchase and just add it to my Christmas list. I mention the upcoming trip and that I'd like to have it in time for the trip. She rebuts that I could always just use her backpack (which would probably function as a carry on but it smaller and doesn't have room for a laptop). So in essence a reasonable compromise, but not ideal.
For what it's worth the cost of the new backpack is completely inconsequential for us financially.
The crux of her argument was that I'm difficult to shop for so I should deal with not bringing the personal laptop on the 1-week work trip in order to "beef up" my Christmas list a little. I decided I'd rather just have the replacement before my trip and bought the new bag.
I also went out of my way to find another item to put on my Christmas list to make up for it, but I'll admit I'm not always great at this.
This was just one example but I do this sort of thing a lot. If I feel like I need something I buy it myself. Unless my birthday is literally like a week away I just don't feel like waiting the extra time. I really enjoy shopping for my own stuff and picking out the exact style I like, trying them on beforehand, researching reviews, all that stuff. Things I get for Christmas are hit or miss and I often wish I'd been able to buy an alternative myself. Come holidays I've already bought the stuff I need so I end up giving lists with semi-frivolous stuff I don't REALLY want/need, or just ask for gift cards.
Curious what everyone's thoughts are. | HISTORICAL | {
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QGudCQMfzCLYG1lHnfzd41AJcXGbHoFk | ah43fi | {
"description": "being sad my brother is in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being sad my brother is in a relationship? | Hey people. Some background, me and my twin brother are in our early 20's. We are both very close, and we live together with three other people (I guess four including his girlfriend). As I said we, are very close and care about each other greatly.
Him and his girlfriend have been together for a little over a year. Over the year, they've gotten very serious and as he's told me, they actively plan their future together. I'm really happy for him. This is his first healthy relationship and they both work well together (from what I can tell). His mental health has improved since they've been together.
We used to live in seperate apartments in the same city, but in September we moved in together with a few others. I was really excited for this. We both make music and I was really excited to start going to shows with him more, and work on music together so we can also play more shows together. Music is something thats really important to both of us.
But ever since we've moved in, his girlfriend has been over every day and night. If she's not at work she's here.
As I said, I am really happy for him. But all of his time is spent with her. And I honestly feel sort of replaced. And I feel like a total asshole for feeling this way, but I can't help it. We don't do anything together anymore, only at the end of the night when his gf has gone to bed we'll play video games or watch something on TV, but we don't go to shows or make music together. I guess my expectations were too high before we moved in.
I've been really depressed the past couple months. I got my depression under control in late 2017 when I got on some meds that finally worked for me. It's been something I've struggled with my entire life. It can, and has been the past couple months, pretty debilitating. I recklessly got off my meds a couple months ago which is why this has been going on, I just got back on them last week.
I'm not saying I've been depressed because of my brother, but its one of the things that has been bothering me a lot. Among a whole load of others feeling, it's just one of them thats been on the forefront.
I feel like a big asshole because I dont dislike his girlfriend, I like her. She's great for him. I just cant help but not want to spend any time with them. There are some shows coming up that I wanted to go to with my brother, but she's coming too. And I just dont want to go to them now. I know it's really important to him that his girlfriend becomes intergrated into his life, he does say its a serious relationship, so I feel like a jerk when these feelings come up. But I cant help it. I just feel bad.
I havent brought it up with him because I know it will make him upset. I have brought up the fact he doesnt spend time with me anymore, but I havent had the heart to bring all of this up. I know it would make him feel very bad because I know it's very important to him that me and his gf get along (its not like we dont.. I dont know) and are friends. I know he wishes talked to her more. Because we are the two most important people in his life. Thats why i've been reluctant to bring this up.
Am i an asshole? I've been struggling with this for awhile. And I can't figure out my emotions being so depressed these days. I know this is life. And I can't always be at the forefront of his life, but i cant even get a day in, or a night out with just him. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
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} | RIGHT |
ODGPnOqxzVjxlusu8DQ4YE25GCmsV0mk | 9w1hxl | {
"description": "not wanting to talk to my father after finding out why he divorced my mother and wasn't there",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to talk to my father after finding out why he divorced my mother and wasn’t there? | So basically a little while ago I found my father did some illegal things then divorced my mother then got sent to jail while i was about 2-3, I didn’t find out anything until I was 18.
Before I found out I would call him/text him daily and try and fix our relationship, but ever since I found out I just can’t think of him without getting mad. And now he won’t call/text me (I don’t even know if he knows that I know about his past) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
Dxj6e7gWCX3iMbINwL8Rs4yKZu5IMs5P | abklpd | {
"description": "texting my friend about a passenger on my flight",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for texting my friend about a passenger on my flight? | So I was on a four hour flight with my SO and prior to boarding I was talking to a lovely man whilst waiting in the queue to get on the flight. Just the usual chit chat about the weather and their holiday etc. Him and his SO ended up sitting in the seats across from us.
Anyway the flight took off and about a half hour into the flight I noted an awful smell I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from I quietly said it to my SO and he said he smelt it too. After a while it got worse and stronger to the point of feeling ill (I work as a nurse and have a very high tolerance for bad smells). I noted at this point that the man across that I had been talking to earlier had bandages on both of his legs, there was visible discharge on them.
The smell continued to get worse to the point where you could over hear people talking about it. The woman in front of the man held a jumper to her nose for the remainder of the flight. I felt so sorry for the poor man I wasn’t sure if he was aware or not. Anyway the flight landed and we were delayed getting off the flight awaiting steps or something like that most people were standing at this point ready to step out into the aisle when it was allowed. I stayed sitting on my phone and a friend had text me asking had I landed. I text back explaining the issue with the smell, I stated ‘it was awful’, ‘I thought I was going to be sick’ and ‘the heat and those wounds are not a good combination’.
Then the man behind me asked me if I was ok. I responded with an ‘ah yeah just looking forward to getting home now’ I thought he was just being friendly. When he suddenly asked me if I knew that man and pointed to the man with the bandages. I said no and then he went on to tell me that this was his best friend and he had cancer and that they had the best time ever and that his legs pain him every day and continued to tell me about his friend. He became quiet aggressive in tone and almost shouting. His friend looked embarrassed and everyone around including me and my SO looked a bit unsure of what was going on. It suddenly dawned on me that perhaps he had been reading my texts as I was sending to my friend as I had been sitting and he was standing behind me. I went red in the face and quickly left the plane as soon as possible.
Am I an asshole for texting my friend? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
6wdEZ7H9xUMZltAkHflsc9nUcXlEHZV2 | ak563b | {
"description": "being upset with my HoCo partner for not telling me that she had a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being upset with my HoCo partner for not telling me that she had a boyfriend. | So, I won homecoming for my class, and directly after, a girl in my class started talking to me. In the two months leading up to the dance, we talked a lot and I ended up asking her to the dance. I actually wanted a relationship and I thought I made that pretty apparent. She agreed and I was very happy about it. Now, she had always told me that my lab partner was her “best friend” and I thought that it was great that we had something in common and thought nothing else of it. So we went together and had fun. Not anything more than hand holding, but I had only had one GF before this. Then, the next day, I’m walking through the halls and see her slobbering all over my lab partner. I’m thinking “ WTF is this Rowley Jefferson shit” and I ask her about it later. She tells me that he had been her boyfriend for a while. I had never brought her up in front of my lab partner so I don’t really blame him. But I asked some of my other friends if I have a right to be pissed about this and I have gotten mixed opinions. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
b8tQlsiAammUCuqBMHwufsv5qQgNZqiv | 9zatfs | {
"description": "leaving tomorrow against my parents' wishes to go to an event",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA for leaving tomorrow against my parents' wishes to go to an event? | **TLDR: My dad is refusing to have a conversation about an event that's important to me, declaring that I can't skip a bit of "family time" (preparing for thanksgiving dinner). I will be spending the rest of the day with family at the thanksgiving dinner we are preparing for, would still have to help out, and am pissed that he's stonewalling me, so am considering going anyways.**
​
Sorry for long text. It's an intricate situation that maybe doesn't sound very serious, but ended seriously. For reference I'm 16, my sister's 13, and we have just arrived at my dad's house from our mom's.
​
The karate dojo that my sister and I attend have a traditional annual morning thanksgiving workout, which lasts for an hour in the morning. I went last year and had a great time, so my sister and I were looking forward to going this year. Unfortunately, I didn't tell my dad about it until today, as I was without internet connection until yesterday. Little did I know, my dad (who does most of the decision making concerning his my sister and me) was planning to have us all prepare together in the morning for a family thanksgiving dinner later that day.
​
**He** says that the whole day should be for family, that he can't spare the time to drive me to karate or have me bike there by myself. My grandma came over, who is staying until Sunday, and he says that I should spend that time with her rather than karate, or help prepare for the dinner. That morning time, according to him, should be kept free, and I should have given him earlier warning. My grandma and stepmom support him in this.
​
**I** think that \~2 hours of an event should be fine, since we can spend the rest of the morning, about 2-3 hours, preparing if we need to. The rest of the day would be spent primarily with relatives. My grandma is here until Sunday, and I have no school and few commitments until then, leaving plenty of time to spend with her. I believe that I should be able to control my own life to a certain extent. I am old enough, and taking two hours off for a rare opportunity that I would enjoy is not asking for too much.
​
However, I wasn't able to say all this to my dad, as he grew angry when I broached the subject. What I did say he didn't seem to hear, as he was talking over me, offended that I would threaten "valuable family time." He eventually said he couldn't take it, and left, as I see it effectively stonewalling me. I was completely calm throughout all of it, and listened to everything he said. He gets upset easily.
​
If he sits down and listens to me, as I did to him, and explains his side to me calmly, I will likely end up staying home, and will be happy with that. I would love to go to the event, but even more than that, I want to be heard. Right now, I feel trampled on, like I'm there to posture and make other individuals happy but that my own happiness doesn't matter, and neither does my sister's. I don't feel listened to like a human being should be. And I feel like he doesn't understand all sides of the situation, whereas I do.
​
I'm considering leaving on my own to bike by myself to get there, which would take 2.5 hours total, defying my dad's wishes. I consider this justified, and hope that he will learn to listen to me better as a result of this. I also consider it the just decision, regardless of whether he had actually listened to me, though as I said if we had a conversation about it I would be willing to change my mind. I plan to come back, prepare for and attend all of the dinner, and spend a large portion of my next few days with my grandma. We've had many situations like this in the past, and I hope to send him a message that I am becoming independent and that I expect to be heard just like anyone else. I will also show him that I can do what's important to me while still finding time for family. Unfortunately, my sister isn't comfortable biking, and probably will end up not attending the event.
​
Thoughts? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
SJVp8KuNcrVQubOKUHleUDYJGNW7orq0 | 9u1axr | {
"description": "wanting to kick my mom out of my house",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA I want to kick my mom out of my house! | Its a long story; its going on 3 weeks that my mother and my brother have been staying with me. I didn't mind because she needed help. She was living in a cheap motel for almost a year because her shitty boyfriend. Anyway, her money ran out and her credit is bad, so she couldn't find a place. Since they've been here, they're way of living drives me crazy. They are messy; my brother leaves a dirty ring around the tub, pisses on the floor and leaves the toilet seat up and doesn't flush. My son stuck his hand in there and I blew the fuck up. Also, they're dog had growled and jumped at my son and their cat scratched him too. So they'll have to find somewhere else for their pets to go. Plus, they don't clean up after the pets or feed them. Lastly, to top it all off, they bought roaches! I'm so over it, I'm ready for them to go, I have a 13month old and another baby on the way to think about and I just don't want them living in a pigsty with roaches crawling over them. I am fed up! | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
Xgr7jVrqFCdhKODIEQzxi3CnQ7vE9mtE | are2fi | {
"description": "not wanting my gf to post pictures of us in her social media",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my GF to post pictures of us in her social media? | I assume that this subject comes up often in relationships, but I would still appreciate some honest opinions.
Me and my GF have been together for a year now, and early on in our relationships she posted a picture of us on her Facebook. I asked her to delete it because I don't like having pictures of myself on social media (I haven't uploaded a picture to Facebook since 2012, and I even went back and deleted those about a year ago). She was understanding and deleted it, and everything went well.
Lately, I discovered that she uploaded a picture of me to her Instagram (I don't even have Instagram, I found out because a friend of mine who follows her told me), and when I confronted her about it she accused me of being upset about it because I'm ashamed of her, which is an accusation that I don't even understand because I already introduced her to my family and all of my friends. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ajrxBkfwDEvRBUnwQKQH4FSkU1K4qkmh | b4vsb3 | {
"description": "catching my younger sister with her bf? for kicking him out and for telling her ''I will tell our parents''",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 64
} | AITA for catching my younger sister with her bf? for kicking him out and for telling her ''i will tell our parents''? | I am 16, she is 15. My parents weren't home last night, so me and my sister were the only ones in the house.
​
So, last night around 2-3 am, i heard some noises, it wasn't loud but my sister walks in her sleep sometimes so i thought it was her. I went to check on her.
​
I opened her door and i saw her with her bf busy having sex. Without asking anything i immediately grabbed him and kicked him out. I told him that i will kick his ass when i see him again, he is in the same school as us. I also told him to never go near her again and to never talk to her. My sister was mad, she said that she hates me and that i am an asshole for kicking her bf like that, i didnt give him his clothes, neither his shoes. He was wearing his boxers though.
​
She wanted to go after him but i stopped her. She has been crying all night, she said that i am a bully. She has been cussing me all night, i told her i will tell our parents, i said that because of the way she was acting, she was acting as if she hasnt done anything wrong.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 64
} | WRONG |
uwtuav3oMlIitNFZ1Qx24RaKshZ3RsuP | av984n | {
"description": "not letting my brother and his soon to be wife live alone in our house",
"pronormative_score": 40,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not letting my brother and his soon to be wife live alone in our house? | About a year ago my parents put down a down payment on a house in a city that I had lived in a couple years and my brother had just moved to at the time. Ever since then my brother and I have paid for everything(mortgage/insurance/taxes) evenly. It’s pretty decent 3bd/2.5bath house. The house is still technically is owned by my parents but it’s the only thing in their will that goes to that brother and I equally, and not the other two siblings(Who live in different states)
Now shortly after he moved to town he met this girl ‘Nina’ Who he got engaged to on Valentine’s Day. Now, I was totally fine with her until very shortly after their engagement, when she asked when I was moving out. I was like “What? This is my house” well since she doesn’t own a house, she just assumed she’d move in and I’d move out, so they could “be newlyweds and have their own place” I assumed she’d moved in, and was planning on talking to my brother on him paying 2/3rd of the utilities when she does. I’d understand this if my brother decided to buy half the house from me, and I was in a position to buy another one, but neither of us are in that point of our lives where we could. Also, I feel like this is my house and I just plain don’t wanna move out. I tried to talk to my brother about it, and he said he hasn’t thought that far ahead, and thought she would move in too, and we’d all live together till I found my own spouse(which 1. I’m single now and 2. I feel is kind of antiquated) also I love my brother, but he doesn’t have a spine when it comes to her, and I’m afraid her hostile energy towards me will make me feel unwelcome in my own home.
Another factor, that I just want to pretend I don’t know about but I do, is that she never stays over, and they don’t have sex when I’m here. Now I travel a lot for work, so that hasn’t been a problem imho yet. Also I just thought that was mainly because we’re all church-going type people who pretend we don’t have sex to people we aren’t married to, but it could be like in general that could be a problem.
AITA for not letting them have thouse house? And any advice on how to calm down this situation? After her getting all huffy about it, I feel uneasy her moving in at all. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 40,
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} | RIGHT |
09RNiTr15yIjs95vAIr6hIBIhj2p6IXG | acojdb | {
"description": "breaking up through text",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA if I break up through text | We're both 19, almost 20 in a month. Dating for 6 months, we hit it off really quickly. He wanted to move in together on our 4th month in.
There are no moral upper grounds or anything. I just stopped loving him. It's as simple as that.
I'm someone who has a hard time saying anything remotely hurtful to another person. It's like a block and no matter how hard I try to muster the words out, i can't.
I set out today to break up, I paid for dinner and on the way to his place I was going to, but I couldn't. I've tried. At this point it seems cruel, and it'd be better to let him go now than waste more of his time. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
e7YGC5mbGmms9sOoSb53GKp99RZDs5Qp | aarso4 | {
"description": "not sticking up for my girlfriend when people were being toxic, and AITA for not giving into her unreasonable requests",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not sticking up for my girlfriend when people were being toxic, and AITA for not giving into her unreasonable requests? | Here’s a bit of backstory. My friends and my (now ex, probably for good reason) girlfriend have always butted heads. We’re still in high school, I’m a part of the stoner group at school and my gf has always hated this. We would also vape, and she’s always said she hated this. She would guilt trip me and say that I don’t care about her because I fail to realize that if I get popped I can’t see her. This got to me so much that I quit just for her, and even then she accused me of quitting to appease her feelings and not because I genuinely wanted to. Whenever other girls came into the picture remotely, she would need to be there physically with me, and she literally admitted to her being jealous and not wanting me to “see something I shouldn’t” regardless of whether I made the right choices should the situation arise that another girl is into me. My friends took notice and tried to initially get me to drop her, but they realized that they were being dicks about it and that they should respect my decision.
The thing is though, it hasn’t impacted my life. I get good grades, I have AP classes in my schedule, and I’m always happy to take a night in if stuff needs to get done. I play sports and I’m involved with clubs, so it’s not like I have no life or anything.
Fast forward to the situation. It’s homecoming time, and there’s two groups we could have gone with, her friends or mine, we could have gone either way. I ask her if she wants to go with her friends, she said she doesn’t mind going with mine. She takes charge on most of the planning and nips it in the bud right away. A mutual “friend,” who I’ve had a history with, starts says shit in our gc to stop being controlling and even goes so far as to call her a bitch. No one acknowledges this or seems to care, so I pass it off as him being toxic because we have beef and he’s just doing it for the hell of it. I don’t volunteer to leave the group or anything because by that point her friends have already had their plans made and I thought it would be unfair to expect them to be accommodating to me and my ex. I also didn’t want to stir the pot this close to homecoming either.
I get a call from her later in the day, and she’s crying her eyes out asking why I didn’t say anything to the toxic guy. I saw where she was coming from, and I realize that maybe I was being an ass by not showing anyone there that I had a spine. The next day, she bows out of the group herself and tells me to have fun with my friends, and she gets a group going with some other of her girlfriends who weren’t in the group that we initially could have gone with. After school that day, I get an angry text from her mom, who is extremely close with my ex and are basically best friends. She accused me of letting people think that my ex was crazy, controlling, and manipulative.
I ask one of my closer friends about the situation, and he says that even though he respects my decision he says he’s seen red flags. Mind you I’ve known this guy since 2nd grade and he’s never done me dirty. I ask another one of my close friends and he says that he notices parts of our relationship that aren’t all that healthy, and his opinion is that he thinks I would be better off without her.
Nevertheless, I still feel bad that I was being the reason all this drama was happening. I go and ask my mom for advice, and so since she doesn’t know much about my friends and what we do I think she has an inflated image of me in her mind and doesn’t know how trashy we can be. She says that my ex is being manipulative and that she doesn’t deserve me, but I hang out with a bunch of potheads so I really can’t see how I would be deserving of a girl who is definitely out of my league both physically and socially.
I still feel bad that she’s hurt by this, and at this time I hear from my ex that her dad knows. I freak out. He gave me the dad talk when we first started dating, and I feel like I broke that implied trust that I would protect her no matter what. I tweak and literally write an apology letter to him, much to the dismay of everyone else in my life. I hear from her mom again a few hours after I put it in their mailbox, and she says she appreciates the gesture and whatever my ex and I decide to do with the relationship her and her dad would both support us. At this point I really can’t blame her for bringing out the mama bear claws, it’s only natural for a mom to want to protect her daughter.
Things are tense and we don’t really talk until the day of homecoming. On the day we discuss what to do, I’ll still go to dinner with my friends, and she goes to dinner with her group, but I meet up with her for pictures after and we go to the dance together. We go our separate ways to different afterparties after the dance. That night, we meet up for pictures after dinner and everything seems to be going smoothly, until an hour after we pull up to the dance. We’re in a big mosh pit with a mix of my friends and hers, until she pulls me out and starts begging me to go back to her house instead of the afterparty I’m planning to go to. I said ok, but I’m gonna go to the afterparty around midnight. She starts literally yelling at me, making a scene to choose one and that it’s her or my friends. I told her I don’t have to choose because I can be both. She then accuses me of wanting to take the easy way out and that I don’t have a choice but to choose. I go back to her house, and she won’t even touch me (disclaimer: I don’t think I’m entitled to anything sexual, that’s a dick move), but it hurt me how she wouldn’t even let me get close to cuddle with her. In the car on the way to her place I ask her dad to just take me home because there’s been too much drama and I need to just call it a night. My ex gives me the dirtiest look and I tell him never mind. Once we get to her house, she starts yelling at me and I told her I can’t be with someone who’s gonna put me on the spot, disrespect me, and make shit awkward for me. I call my friend to take me to the afterparty, and she blocks the door for 7 MINUTES crying to get me to stay. I just tell her goodbye and I go with my friend to the afterparty, where I just go and get fucked to get my mind off this situation.
The next day, I wake up to a text from my ex, saying that I’m never welcome back at their house and that both her parents feel lied to and taken advantage of. In the apology letter I asked him if I could still take her to homecoming and that I would be as accommodating as possible to make it as great a night for her as possible. This didn’t make sense, because for her to demand me not to follow the plan we had originally agreed on was unreasonable and I felt I had been accommodating to her the entire night. I sat her down and said the way she was acting was unreasonable, and she said I didn’t deserve her respect anymore so I called it off.
I think I’m the mostly the asshole here, I really just had this burning inside and I want the court of public opinion’s opinion. I probably shouldn’t be in a relationship again until I grow up some more.
And r/niceguys beat you to it | HISTORICAL | {
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fsm2XWetRF2T4flyiavEFoE7Ufgacd0r | aigay6 | {
"description": "honking when people drive 30 mph on the left lane of a 65 mph highway",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for honking when people drive 30 mph on the left lane of a 65 mph highway | Incident took place on a highway connecting two rural towns. There was a car going 30 mph in the left and a truck going slightly faster at 35 mph. I tried to pass the truck but the car was going too slow and I was forced to slow down from 70 to 30 mph. Look at my rear view to see a fresh wave of traffic coming at me fast and begin to get nervous about being rear ended so I honked at the driver.
Instead of simply moving over the car decides to brake check and only drive 15-20 mph afterwards. The truck I tried to pass was besides me when I honk so he decides to stay by the car so i couldn’t pass on the right. This continues for a few miles and When we hit a bend, there was a traffic jam as far as the eyes could see.
At this point I get extremely nervous because the car attempted to brake check several more times while traffic behind me was inches from my bumper. In fact every car behind me was pretty much a feet or two from each other so any rear end collision was going to end with a multi car collision.
Just before we hit the next town there was a very long left turn lane about a mile long that was for a future apartment complex or mall still under construction. I decided to pass in the left turn lane and get away from the drama as soon as possible. The car couldn’t really keep up with me but the pickup was able to follow me and pulled up besides me at a redlight.
Even if I wanted to say something to him, I couldn’t because my windows are manual and anyone who has them knows it’s a pain to open passenger windows. So I just kept looking ahead and the pickup decides to run the redlight and make a last minute right turn in the middle of the interesection.
I seen a lot of YouTube videos where people, mostly on motorcycles but sometimes cars, decide to gang up on someone because they thought that driver was in the wrong. Was I an Asshole to honk at the car or was it justified? Their plan we ems to have worked in the end because it was a massive pain to go back home due to the amount of traffic from the incident. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
P082oeGhhxQIdIzGZS7GCdruk53uSbIh | ayq7jf | {
"description": "disowning a friend after PlayStation drama",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for disowning a friend after PlayStation drama? | Sorry about formatting, I'm on mobile.
To give you an idea of how much this is, my first attempt at writing this was about 7500 words. I'll keep it brief. I got into a fight with this guy on PlayStation. Everyone (in the party) agrees he has an ego problem. I'm pretty sure I have one to, but it's not near as extreme as this other guy. I've had a friend swayed over to playing for honor (a notoriously toxic game) with a notoriously toxic person, while being of a notoriously toxic age. I've known this friend for a while, so me being torn from him by these people was a bit crushing. After I'd been kicked from one too many parties (me and the rude guy had arguments constantly and, because he has no confidence, he kicks when he's routed) I got into an argument with my friend about it and he ended up blocking me on 2 separate platforms. I plan on trying to be friends with him later, during the next marching band season at my school, I think because he's a freshman and I wasn't the most stable guy around at the time, we'll be better suited to being around each other when we both become more mature. I was told the group I'd left had bonded through their hatred of me, and that the annoying coward leader is still shouting commands to this day. Sorry if this isn't conveyed correctly, or if it needs info, my 7000+ word version covered everything in extreme detail, and if you guys want, I'll post it in a Google doc and share the link. Thank you. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
ZwDGxyEtA41pcKpimO29N6UHha1yAsxX | am6tou | {
"description": "sending so and his gun off the side of a cliff",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for sending SO and his gun off the side of a cliff? | I've wanted to play Halo for some time, and as luck would have it, I managed to find a 360 copy at the game store. Excited by our haul, my SO and I decided to make a night of it.
So we're having a grand time annihilating aliens for a while, he dies.
In an attempt to help him track down his body and guns, I accidentally picked up his ammo, not realizing it would pick up automatically. I apologized profusely, he said it was fine, and we moved on.
The next day we go to play again and realized the checkpoints don't count as saves, so we start over, both with our original weapons.
I was trying to get the vehicle up a ramp when I accidentally ran him over, not realizing there was friendly fire/kills in this game. I backed up quickly so as not to take his gun again, and he purposefully shoots and kills me and goes, yup, there's friendly fire in this game!
I would've thought it was funny, but then he walked right over my body, picking up my gun.
He tried to justify it by saying I wasn't using that gun anyways, even though it was basically all I used.
So I tried to kill him-this time on purpose- however, he had the superior firepower, and I needed to come up with another tactic.
So I acted as if all was well, let's just keep playing, until he gets into the vehicle...and I drove it off a cliff, killing us both and losing all of our weapons. If I can't have them, no one can.
He got really upset, complaining I lost him his gun, and refused to play anymore. He now claims picking up my gun was an accident, but if he would've just said that in the first place I would've just moved on...
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
RMo06z6igDji79C3skLk531nyYnHzVpQ | avrvrj | {
"description": "telling my friends about seeing a girl",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for telling my friends about seeing a girl? | I was recently involved in a situation that people I've asked have had many mixed opinions about and wanted to bring it here to see what you guys think about it. Not much background information is needed other than that I am a high school student.
​
The situation pretty much revolves around this girl that I was friends with. One weekend rolls around and we had hung out and ended up hooking up and I didn't think much of it. We both knew it was gonna be a one time thing and nothing bigger than that. The following school week I was talking with a few friends and I brought up that I saw the girl because it was relevant to the conversation and again I thought nothing of it. High school being high school, the message went around and more and more people started knowing, and it got to the point where it was brought back to her.
​
No more than a day later she angrily confronted me on Snapchat telling me that it's personal and she doesn't want everyone knowing about something like that, but she never specified to keep it low-key and people already know about her history with a lot of guys, even having videos of her doing stuff. We now are bitter and she won't even look at me in the hallways but I thought that just telling a few people was harmless as well as it being a pretty normal thing for people to know about that stuff. Am I the asshole?
​
TL;DR I was seeing a girl and told a few people and eventually a lot of people knew about it and she was mad that I told people but I was confused because she never said to keep it low-key. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
Jw5zDWqwHgDy00ZzUfY65E6ZNkmTInHL | awxbjy | {
"description": "keeping the car",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for keeping the car? | While dating my ex-girlfriend, she brought up how it bothers her and her parents that the car I drove was so old and they wished I had something newer and safer. Her father ended up sending $10,000 for me to get a car. I suspected it was really to get a car that would be hers in the future (being she didn't have a driver's license and is/was overstaying a visa so probably couldn't get one at the time) because she was the one picking out the car. For a gift for me. I didn't think much of it at the time.
Anyway, I proposed, we lived together, and she proceeded to become the most shallow and immature person I have ever met despite being almost ten years older. She sent me the exact ring that she wanted and after I got it, she bitched for days how it wasn't good enough (it was stainless silver and it tarnished, she KNEW it was stainless silver and that it does that). I wanted to marry her sooner to try and get a head start on possibly fixing her legal status (with the rise of trump being a possibility at that time) but she refused because if it was in the winter it may not be fancy enough for her. She also told me unless the wedding costed AT LEAST $50,000 It wouldn't be good enough for her, because her friends had a $50,000 wedding so it would look bad if she didn't.
She ended up screaming at me daily for random things (she asked when I preferred to shower and didn't like my answer, to the point of breaking down crying). She also refused to believe me when I mentioned some of the safety concerns about the house she suddenly purchased with her father's money (like oh just the backup grounding rod being bonded to the water and gas lines, for start). Mainly because fixing that may have had to come out of all the money her father was going to send her for the wedding. She even had me pick up things and drop them off at the house when she was moving in...but declined to have them stored at a place with a parking lot when she could have. Which was kind of a big deal for me given I was still in physical therapy for a shattered kneecap and had just recently gotten the brace off. I raised my concern to her only to have her say I needed the exercise. (I didn't mind helping, but to make it involve extra walking for me when it already was an hour drive one way? Really?)
I finally left and started attending counseling, and she expected the car back. It pissed me off given that, A) it wasn't a wedding or conditional gift, B) supposedly her and her family were so concerned with the old car I was driving but suddenly that evaporates because she decided to become bitch-zilla, and C) she dropped $80,000 in cash on a house like it was nothing and already had plans for another $50,000, yet she's going to ride my ass over $10,000? I was freshly graduated and struggling to find a job and not going to physical therapy as often as I should have due to money concerns.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VzP0Sk7qGIHEaQu2uZCGNF7TYvqd8PGC | b55b3p | {
"description": "breaking up with narcissist abusive bf",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Breaking up with narcissist abusive bf (11yrs) | So, I broke it off about 2.5 months ago. Also, we have a child together who has CF.
Which complicates things, as you might imagine.
Co-parenting is near impossible with this man..
Claims that he has changed, and begs me all day every day for me to come home. I flat out refuse for obvious reasons. So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Lwc5TLxBAxMXdPL1sJ4DPqsfwnc2AULE | b53ynb | {
"description": "sticking with a new group of friends because I think I might be able to change some of them",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for sticking with a new group of friends because I think I might be able to change some of them? | So I befriended this group of guys in the beginning of the school year and we really hit it off. We bonded over memes, dark and self deprecating humor. I knew instantly we had political differences but I'm use to that so it was fine with me. I just thought they were your average conservative.
Over time they warmed up and I noticed a couple were alt right with the rest on the boarder. Some really harsh unnecessary jokes were said that weren't creative or original. Which are my prerequisites for a dark joke. Also comments like "the LGBTQ is just a symptom from the current social climate" were said.
I'm gay so, ouch. Nothing said politically can hurt me but that LGBTQ comment did. After a couple days of internal debate on what to do with no contact, the guy who made the comment approached me. I could see it in his eyes that he felt sorry for hurting me and asked me to come back.
I don't think his opinion had changed that day but I saw a moment of empathy. I do genuinely enjoy them as friends but normally I would of walked away. Except this time had that moment. His eyes were filled with sadness and I saw it as an olive branch. I did see an opportunity and I did take it. Knowing that I'm going back in with the goal to pull whoever I can over to least your average conservative.
This was a couple months ago and I made surprisingly good progress with a few. We're closer than ever. Unfortunately someone overheard me in the library explaining the situation to my oldest friend. It's really torn the group apart with people taking sides. I think it's fair to say it's my fault but I don't think my intentions make me an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
3aECAp99FfmWKvCEEDa3a8LzKGyiIDdM | b53jyr | {
"description": "getting angry at being called naive",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry at being called naive? | This story has a bit of dialogue to it, so bear with me (TL;DR at bottom-not a great summary). Also on mobile; apologize for any formatting.
I (20F, H) met this guy (19M, E) over a month ago on a dating app and we hit it off instantly. A little after meeting him, I started planning a spring break trip to Montreal. I booked the trip and also researched tattoo studios. I had mentioned to E that I wanted a tattoo and even discussed tattoo studios in Montreal while E was in the room. Fast forward to the trip, I get the tattoo. I post it on social media. His only comment on it was >.>. Didn't know what it meant so I text him a few hours later asking if he liked it and the dialogue goes like this (heavily paraphrased):
E:Not really. I was raised strict on drugs, alcohol, tats etc. I don't hold favorable views
H:I don't do the others. Tats I will enjoy. So old fashioned, get into the 21st haha
E:I've met the scum of the earth all tatted up, sure I've met the good guy but the numbers aren't 1:1. Statistically, you're more likely a criminal if you have a tat
H:Almost 1/3 of Americans have tats. You can't just assume that people are criminals cause they have tats
E:You romanticize the outliers who have tats and aren't criminals
H:I'm not romanticizing anyone. So many people that you pass on the street can have hidden tattoos. Criminal =/= tat
E:It was disappointing that you got a tat. I'm weary if someone has a tat. Not saying I hate tat users, I question their character
H:I'm not about to deal drugs cause I have a tat. You don't have to like me having one, but I want to at least know that I am respected as a whole. It seems like I am not
E:Not saying you're a crook, but I just don't feel comfortable with tats. I side with statistics. I'd rather be tough and charmed than naive
H:I'm naive cause I don't believe that people with tats are instantly criminals?
E:Yes. But I knew you were like this since I met you.
H:Wow, such deep character analysis. Smiling and happy =/= naive
E:You trusted me immediately, weird unless everyone is a good person. I think you're naive that's a trait of yours not an insult
H:Trusting immediately: I didn't. I judged that you might be a good person from our interactions, but I still made sure I had contingencies. Near my school, location I knew, a friend nearby
E:Don't think you planned that, it seemed convenient. You're going from naive and sweet to prepared
H:Yes, it's an insult, cause you think I'm not aware of the world. I can be sweet all I want, and still know how to protect myself
This idea of me being naive goes back and forth for a few more texts and he says that he needs to take a break, cause we were both annoyed. I took his "character ananlysis" as insulting, because he's only known me a MONTH and I'm pretty pessimistic, but I try and be happy on the outside. So, AITA for getting angry?
TL;DR: I got angry at a potential SO when they called me naive for not instantly thinking that people with tattoos are criminals? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
J1dpENsbFLZLcuWxhxGM8ttkq7nnduPQ | agxv65 | {
"description": "hanging out in the bathroom at the airport",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for hanging out in the bathroom at the airport. | So I’ve been flying pretty regularly for the past year and always alone for work when flying. Everyone knows airports are crowded and the only place (I know of) that you can get somewhat of some alone time is in the bathroom stall. Now, most of the time I have to actually use it but I stay in the stall way longer than I need to. Going thru social media and “escaping” all the people in the airport.
But, AITA for taking more time than I need in the stall when I know there’s people that genuinely need to use it? No one would know that I’m actually doing nothing in here.
I know I would be a little pissed if I couldn’t find a stall when I needed to go in a crowded place but when this happens I just go find another bathroom or wait. I imagine not everyone does this so stalls come open. I usually leave after my legs fall asleep, I get hungry, or bored.
I’m thinking about leaving now and I’m 99% sure the guy in the stall next to me has been in there as long as I have been, so maybe I’m not the only one.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
G6FUEJKKYFZ69gbMeXBwofNDz6siDYWX | ahrll1 | {
"description": "not wanting to talk to my best friend since he \"joked\" that my crush only wants me for sex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to talk to my best friend since he "joked" that my crush only wants me for sex? | ​
I've been talking to my crush daily for about 2 months. He's kinda of popular and is attractive, a lot of girls want him. I've been told he's a 'fuck boy' before. I was talking to X about this, and I was asking him why he thinks my crush, who I'll call Y, would still be talking to me this long if he's really a 'fuck boy'. Please note this is in a group chat of mutual friends so it wasn't really anything insanely personal and I was being more general about it, kind of putting it like, "lol, I wonder why he still talks to me if he's such a fuck boy"
but then X kept making aggressive remarks how I'm just "free pussy" for him and how "I'm only good to him for sex", "he's desperate". I've never once had sex or even kissed my crush, Y. He didn't say these jokingly either. It sounded like he was being dead serious, and he knows how much I hate it when people use sexist terms like "hoe, whore, slut" etc. He kept being very aggressive how I'm just a vagina too him, made me out to be desperate and "used," and made me out to be easy. I got pissed and called him a fucking dick, and he countered it with "shut up, you know we joke around". I got pissed and left the group chat.
​
TLDR: my crush has a reputation of being a fuckboy. I haven't had sex or kissed him, and when I mention that I wonder why he's still talking to me since I haven't given anything 'up to him' (if you get my gist) for so long if he really is a fuckboy. Best friend degraded me and made me out to be a easy slut and called me "Free pussy" with our mutual friends in the chat. I want an apology and am not speaking to him until I get one. He said he was just joking, and note we do joke aggressively.
​
I want an apology and I'm not talking to him until I get one. Am I The Asshole for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bhOHSpUejfeGi35vXeE3Ac5FXw8viRKi | b5myf3 | {
"description": "laughing at someone who fell over",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For laughing at someone who fell over? | On mobile so sorry about formating
So just to set the scene, I was at my local tacobell and it had been raining pretty heavily for the last few days. Anyway so I get my food and sit down with my friends and it's with me being the only one facing the counter. Next thing I know this 20-something year old lady flies around said counter and half falls but catches herself and doesn't completely hit the ground. She didn't look like she'd hurt herself.
I chuckle and ask my friends if any of them had seen it, they all said no so I told them what had happened and they had a chuckle as well. We all eat our meals and just as I'm finishing mine this lady (L) comes up to me (Me).
L: Excuse me!
(Now I was in my uniform, and there was a branch of our store in the nearby shopping centre so I was expecting a question about work.)
Me: Hey, what's up?
L: You know that woman you laughed at earlier? She's bawling her eyes out right now
Me: Okay?
Then the lady (who I wrongly assumed was the mother) just huffed and walked away.
So yeah, AITA? I don't think so, cause if someone laughed at me falling over I'd probably laugh with them | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
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