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we pass nate on the way , with his arms wrapped around natasha and his hands tucked into her back pockets . | [
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`` hey man , we 're taking off . | [
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you think you can find another ride ? '' | [
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jackson asks . | [
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`` what do you mean ? | [
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you 're both leaving ? '' | [
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nate asks , frowning . | [
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`` yup , we 're going back to my place , dude , '' jackson replies . | [
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`` you cool for a ride ? '' | [
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`` yeah , come here for a second , '' nate says , his eyes flicking back and forth between us . | [
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he takes jackson 's arm and pulls him toward a screen door in the back . | [
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`` not you , '' he says to me , as i begin to follow . | [
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i bristle at his tone . | [
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they disappear out back and i look after them , my mouth open in shock and annoyance . | [
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i ca n't believe the way nate talks to me sometimes . | [
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so dismissively . | [
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i exchange a polite smile with natasha , who is now looking around the party aimlessly , clearly bored without nate . | [
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screw nate . | [
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i 'll do whatever the hell i please , and i want to know what he 's saying . | [
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i brush past natasha , push open the screen door and walk into the small , fenced-in backyard . | [
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there are fewer people out here , but there 's still a crowd . | [
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i can just see nate and jackson talking in a back corner . | [
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i weave my way through the people , keeping my head down so they do n't notice me . | [
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i take out my phone so i look like i 'm doing something other than eavesdropping , and sidle into the group nearest to them . | [
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i can just overhear what they 're saying . | [
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`` why , do you want her nate ? '' | [
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jackson asks angrily . | [
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my eyes widen . | [
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`` fuck no , she 's my stepsister . | [
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it 's just weird , that 's all . | [
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you two . | [
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she 's not your type . '' | [
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i feel a stab of pain at the finality of nate 's words . | [
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`` she 's gorgeous , '' i hear jackson reply . | [
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`` you think she 's gorgeous ? '' | [
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nate says , beginning to laugh . | [
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`` seriously ? | [
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dude , come on . | [
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besides , she 's a fucking buzz kill . '' | [
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i do n't want to hear any more . | [
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i can already feel angry tears building up behind my eyes . | [
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i 'm so stupid . | [
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why do i keep giving nate the benefit of the doubt , when he is so clearly such an asshole ? | [
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i walk quickly back inside , through the living room , and out to the street . | [
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i turn toward the left , where i can see a busier street , and hustle toward it . | [
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i know it 's going to be a pricey cab ride back to the house , but i feel like i 'm about to explode into a puddle of tears . | [
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and i do n't want to give nate the satisfaction of seeing me cry . | [
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chapter eleven i breathe in as deeply as possible and hold it , counting to ten before exhaling as slowly as i can , trying to rid myself of the hurt feeling that followed me home from the party . | [
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it 's a trick i learned to control my anxiety , and to say that i 'm anxious right now would be an understatement . | [
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i ca n't remember the last time i heard someone talk about me like that , though i suppose it 's partially my fault for eavesdropping . | [
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i finally start to feel calm enough to go to sleep , and reach to turn off my bedside lamp . | [
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a rush of footsteps up the stairs makes me pause . | [
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i sit up a bit as they continue down the hallway toward my bedroom . | [
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a second later , my bedroom door bursts open and nate walks in , his face dark with anger . | [
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`` you 're in bed ? | [
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you 've got ta be fucking kidding me . | [
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that was really selfish of you to run off without telling anyone , you know that ? '' | [
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he spits at me , then turns around and walks out . | [
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i 'm frozen in shock for a moment . | [
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what the hell was that ? | [
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what does he have to be mad at me for ? | [
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i leap out from under my covers and march out of my bedroom just in time to stop him from shutting his door . | [
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he swings around as i charge into his room . | [
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3715,
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`` i 'm selfish ? | [
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] | [
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you are just ... you are just ... '' i stumble in my anger , trying to think of the right word . | [
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`` yeah , you 're selfish , brynn ! | [
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i looked around that party for you for thirty minutes ! | [
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2283,
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i thought you might have been kidnapped ! | [
101,
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i almost called the cops ! '' | [
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1045,
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2170,
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102
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`` wait ... what ? '' | [
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3524,
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1012,
1012,
2054,
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i reply , completely thrown . | [
101,
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7514,
1010,
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`` ever heard of a text message ? '' | [
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he asks , his voice laden with sarcasm . | [
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`` yes , i 've heard of a text message ! '' | [
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man , i wish i were better at arguing . | [
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`` hey , wait a second , this is n't about me , this is about you ! | [
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you 're the asshole ! | [
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i heard what you were saying about me to jackson , i 'm not a buzzkill , and maybe i 'm not gorgeous , but i 'm not some kind of joke , either ! '' | [
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i fight back the tears welling in my eyes , more angry than i 've ever been in my life . | [
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there , that got him . | [
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he stands dumbfounded and i seize the opportunity to walk out . | [
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just as i 'm about to cross the threshold , he reaches around me and closes the door in front of me . | [
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i stop short and turn around angrily , almost ready to smack him . | [
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he 's standing so close to me i 'm practically pinned against the door . | [
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`` wait , what ? | [
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how 'd you hear that ? | [
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you followed us outside ? '' | [
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`` yes , i followed you , '' i reply , stumbling a bit because i know i was wrong in that regard . | [
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`` i was mad because you were obviously trying to stop me from leaving with jackson , and i wanted to know why . '' | [
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i take a deep breath . | [
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`` i guess i ca n't control what you think about me , and that 's ... whatever , that 's fine , but i do n't know why you had to go sharing your opinion with jackson . | [
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i mean , am i really that unattractive to you ? '' | [
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to my horror , my lower lip starts to tremble . | [
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i do n't want to cry right now but i ca n't hold back the tears any longer . | [
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`` no ... shit , that 's not what ... '' nate says , his eyes widen as a tear slips down my cheek . | [
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i furiously brush it away and nate backs up , running his hands through his wavy hair . | [
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`` it 's not that i do n't want jackson to date you , it 's that i do n't want you to date jackson . '' | [
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`` what ? | [
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] | [
0,
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0
] | [
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] |
that does n't make any sense , '' i reply , trying to staunch the flow of tears as i tug at my hair . | [
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] |
`` jackson 's track record with women is pretty bad . | [
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