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he asks . | [
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i have to fight hard from letting a dopey , love-struck look escape across my features . | [
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he just wants to grab food . | [
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it 's not a date . | [
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i just happen to be along for the ride . | [
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but still . | [
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`` yeah , i 'm starving , '' i tell him . | [
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`` great . | [
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me too . | [
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let 's swing by the crystal dawn , '' he says , turning off onto a main road in town . | [
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chapter three the crystal dawn is our local diner , frequented by just about everyone in our relatively small town . | [
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high school kids , senior citizens , working class parents-no one can resist the crystal 's dawn 's greasy spoon appeal . | [
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emerson rolls up to the silver diner and swings into a parking space , cutting off another car with a laugh . | [
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`` do you just go out of your way to antagonize people ? '' | [
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i ask , stepping onto the sidewalk . | [
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`` i do n't mean to antagonize them . | [
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most people just happen to be assholes . | [
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i just treat them the way they deserve . '' | [
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he shrugs , tossing his smoke into the gutter . | [
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i follow suit , relishing my final drag . | [
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it 's been over a year since i 've had a cigarette . | [
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damn , do i miss them sometimes . | [
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`` what a charming attitude , '' i say , rolling my eyes . | [
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`` thanks sis , '' emerson winks , holding the door open for me like a real gentleman . | [
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or so i think , until he lets it fall in my face at the last possible second . | [
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yeah . | [
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maybe all this lovey-dovey nonsense is just in my head after all . | [
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we walk across the crowded dining car , over to a red vinyl booth in the back corner . | [
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one of the regular waitresses , a woman in her forties with heavy blue eye shadow and a perm , plunks a couple of menus down onto the table . | [
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we do n't even have to look at them , of course . | [
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we 've both lived in this town long enough to know exactly what we want . | [
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it 's said that you can tell a lot about a person by their usual crystal dawn order . | [
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`` what 're you having ? '' | [
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i ask emerson with a playfully grave tone . | [
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he wiggles his eyebrows conspiratorially , perfectly aware of the weight of the question . | [
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1,
1
] |
`` bacon burger . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
11611,
15890,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
medium rare . | [
101,
5396,
4678,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
chipotle mayo . '' | [
101,
9090,
4140,
2571,
14415,
1012,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` of course you 're a raging carnivore , '' i groan , shaking my head . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
1997,
2607,
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] |
`` well , what are you getting ? '' | [
101,
1036,
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] | [
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] |
he shoots back . | [
101,
2002,
11758,
2067,
1012,
102
] | [
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0
] | [
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`` broccoli and cheese soup in a bread bowl , '' i smile . | [
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] |
`` wait , '' he replies , laying his hands on the table . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
3524,
1010,
1005,
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2002,
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1010,
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] |
`` you 're not ... a vegetarian , are you ? '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
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1005,
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] |
`` i sure am , '' i reply with a chipper smile . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
1045,
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] |
`` of fucking course , '' he grumbles , looking downright appalled . | [
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1036,
1036,
1997,
8239,
2607,
1010,
1005,
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1
] |
`` you know factory farming is destroying our planet , right ? '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2017,
2113,
4713,
7876,
2003,
9846,
2256,
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1010,
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] |
i tease him , putting on my best goodie-two-shoes voice . | [
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1045,
18381,
2032,
1010,
5128,
2006,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
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1,
1,
1
] |
`` you know that tofu is a sin against humanity , right ? '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2017,
2113,
2008,
2000,
11263,
2003,
1037,
8254,
2114,
8438,
1010,
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] |
he shoots back . | [
101,
2002,
11758,
2067,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
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] |
that one takes me by surprise , drawing a real laugh out of me for once . | [
101,
2008,
2028,
3138,
2033,
2011,
4474,
1010,
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1
] |
`` to be perfectly honest , i did n't start being a vegetarian for the environment 's sake , '' i tell him . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2000,
2022,
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1010,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` i wish i was that noble . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
1045,
4299,
1045,
2001,
2008,
7015,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
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0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
but the real reason is way stupider . '' | [
101,
2021,
1996,
2613,
3114,
2003,
2126,
5236,
2121,
1012,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
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] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` well . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2092,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
why did you start ? '' | [
101,
2339,
2106,
2017,
2707,
1029,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
he asks , halfway interested . | [
101,
2002,
5176,
1010,
8576,
4699,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
that 's still halfway more than usual , at least . | [
101,
2008,
1005,
1055,
2145,
8576,
2062,
2084,
5156,
1010,
2012,
2560,
1012,
102
] | [
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] | [
1,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` when i was eight , my dad let me watch jurassic park with him , '' i reply . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2043,
1045,
2001,
2809,
1010,
2026,
3611,
2292,
2033,
3422,
19996,
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2032,
1010,
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1005,
1045,
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] | [
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1,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` you know that scene where the goat gets eaten by the t-rex , and its leg flies up and sticks to the window ? '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2017,
2113,
2008,
3496,
2073,
1996,
13555,
4152,
8828,
2011,
1996,
1056,
1011,
10151,
1010,
1998,
2049,
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10029,
2039,
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] | [
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] | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` yeah , obviously , '' emerson replies . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
3398,
1010,
5525,
1010,
1005,
1005,
12628,
14054,
1012,
102
] | [
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] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` shit was groady . '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
4485,
2001,
24665,
10441,
5149,
1012,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
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0,
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0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` yep . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
15624,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
that 's what did it , '' i admit . | [
101,
2008,
1005,
1055,
2054,
2106,
2009,
1010,
1005,
1005,
1045,
6449,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
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] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` i have n't eaten meat since watching that movie . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
1045,
2031,
1050,
1005,
1056,
8828,
6240,
2144,
3666,
2008,
3185,
1012,
102
] | [
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] | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
my mom was so pissed at my dad for turning me off chicken nuggets , i do n't think she spoke to him for days . | [
101,
2026,
3566,
2001,
2061,
9421,
2012,
2026,
3611,
2005,
3810,
2033,
2125,
7975,
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13871,
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1056,
2228,
2016,
3764,
2000,
2032,
2005,
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] | [
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] | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
they kept waiting for me to grow out of it , but i never did . | [
101,
2027,
2921,
3403,
2005,
2033,
2000,
4982,
2041,
1997,
2009,
1010,
2021,
1045,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
and so , here we are . '' | [
101,
1998,
2061,
1010,
2182,
2057,
2024,
1012,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` that 's hilarious , '' emerson says , smiling genuinely for perhaps the first time i 've known him . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2008,
1005,
1055,
26316,
1010,
1005,
1005,
12628,
2758,
1010,
5629,
15958,
2005,
3383,
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2034,
2051,
1045,
1005,
2310,
2124,
2032,
1012,
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] | [
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] | [
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1,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
it 's not like his usual , sarcastic grin . | [
101,
2009,
1005,
1055,
2025,
2066,
2010,
5156,
1010,
22473,
5861,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
it 's something warmer , more honest . | [
101,
2009,
1005,
1055,
2242,
16676,
1010,
2062,
7481,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
and it just about does me in . | [
101,
1998,
2009,
2074,
2055,
2515,
2033,
1999,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
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luckily , the waitress comes back for our orders right at that moment , so i do n't end up throwing myself at him right then and there . | [
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we lapse into silence again as we wait for our food to arrive . | [
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he agreed to talk to me about what 's been going on between us , since the night of the party . | [
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but now that the moment has arrived , i ca n't think of how to begin . | [
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`` so . | [
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are you and courtney a thing or what ? '' | [
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i blurt out . | [
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smooth , abby , i grumble internally . | [
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`` courtney ? | [
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nah , '' emerson shrugs , `` a little too high maintenance for me . | [
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and crazy as shit , too . | [
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plus she 's always got show tunes on ... who listens to show tunes for fun ? '' | [
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`` i 'm sure she 's ... nice . | [
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when you get to know her , '' i reply . | [
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the last thing i want to do is go shitting on other girls just because they happen to have sucked face with emerson . | [
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if i did that , just about every pretty girl in our school would be on my shit list . | [
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girl on girl hate is something i try and avoid altogether , if i can help it . | [
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`` i 'm not really that interested in 'nice ' , is the thing , '' emerson scoffs , picking at a bit of loose paint on the table . | [
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`` what ... are you interested in ? '' | [
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i ask , my voice going soft on me . | [
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emerson lifts his eyes to mine , the gold specks reflecting in the dying spring light outside the diner window . | [
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i swallow hard , waiting for him to go on . | [
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`` i 'm interested in someone who can teach me things . | [
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show me things , '' he says . | [
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i 'm totally taken aback by his direct answer . | [
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`` oh ? '' | [
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i say meekly . | [
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`` i could hang out with hot girls who do n't give a damn about me as a person , or look for someone who seems interested in something other than my fantastic body , '' he continues , `` i 'm gon na go with the latter . '' | [
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