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Ask yourself How can take the strength and fearlessness from psychopathy without any |
hint of sadism |
You want to be psychopathic when it comes to the dominance hierarchy You want to be |
stonecold when people attack you To be assertive sometimes you need to throw excessive |
empathy out of the window am advocating a type of ruthlessness that is not destructive |
where you dont worry about what other people think of you and your heart bleeds for no one |
You are not doing anything wrong though because outside of selfdefense you are too |
confident and compassionate to feel the desire to hurt others in revenge |
Lessons from Breaking My Nose |
In Chapter recounted how my nose was broken at a McDonalds at age didnt tell the |
whole embarrassing story walked up to the McDonalds restaurant with an exaggerated |
posture was trying to be a little cooler than really was Another yearold in the parking |
lot didnt like it He said several unkind things to me and asked him to leave me alone |
He followed me inside and continued to menace me While was standing in line to order food |
he made a final unprovoked disparaging comment didnt consider him a threat so reached |
out and gently pulled the brim of his baseball cap down below his eyes expected that it would |
take a couple of seconds for him to fix his hat Without even pushing the brim back up he |
immediately tilted his head upward so that he could see me and threw a swift right cross to |
my nose |
There are four things we can learn from this First shouldnt have pushed his hat down |
It was the wrong thing to do It leaped over the line from assertion to aggression When we |
touch someone else without being welcomed to do so it is a violation of something sacred |
We shouldnt ever touch people in anger unless it is in selfdefense |
The second lesson found in this is that any fight can do a lot of damage The blow broke |
my skull in multiple places Parts of the nasal bone maxilla and septum were fragmented |
The surgeon said he had to pick out many bits of shattered bone from my face The emergency |
room doctors told me the injury was consistent with being hit with a bat or a club But wasnt |
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body |
hit with a club remember distinctly being hit with a fist was only hit once by a yearold |
boy that must have weighed less than pounds think this should be a lesson for all of us |
Any act of physical violence can have severe costs and just one strike from anyone has the |
potential to do grave damage We dont want our faces broken and we dont want to break |
anyone elses face either Tell yourself that fighting is not worth the costs Prepare yourself to |
skillfully and gracefully decline physical violence when it confronts you This will give you the |
peace of mind to rise above it |
Third if you are going to walk around with optimal posture you must be wellprepared to |
deal with people trying to call your bluff was assaulted because had my chest puffed up |
But have since proved to myself that it is all in the way you do it walk around expressionless |
with my chest inflated and neck completely retracted all the time now But am not putting on |
airs it is not a form of submissive threat and do it with no remorse but also with no |
animosity No one seems to question it or get angry about it To be honest Im not sure that |
could pull it off in a penitentiary But can pull it off safely in any neighborhood in the world |
promise you that And promise that you can do it too The key is just to do it without an |
ounce of anger in your heart |
Number four As recounted in Chapter having my nose broken changed my facial posture |
and increased the amount of repetitive strain in my facial muscles but it did something else |
much more insidious It stopped me from breathing nasally A few months after the incident |
started having difficulty breathing through my nose resigned to being an obligate mouth |
breather Contrary to what assumed however my nasal passage hadnt been narrowed by the |
damage Rather the disuse narrowed it |
After the nose break it was packed with gauze for two weeks so learned not to breathe |
nasally Because learned by habit to breathe through my mouth my diaphragm atrophied |
and my tidal range shrunk Nasal breathing became difficultnot because my nasal passage |
was any smaller but because my diaphragm had grown weak was no longer able to breathe |
slowly smoothly and at long enough intervals to make nose breathing tenable |
After the cascade of physical and social repercussions of being a mouth breather went |
from being moderately popular in high school to very unpopular in college As recounted in |
Chapter recently forced myself to start breathing through my nose again and it was |
difficult at first Taping my mouth helped Now it is second nature and it helped me reclaim the |
calmness and composure of my youth |
Four interesting lessons from one traumatic incident Funnily enough it took me more than |
years to learn them How many of our instances of trauma hold important lessons for us |
Prepare Yourself to Avoid Physical Confrontation |
In this book ask you to walk around like you are a superhero This can be dangerous as it can |
arouse insecurity in others and could cause them to assault you You need a few good |
conciliatory displays in your arsenal There are many things you can do at the last second to |
forestall an attack Just knowing that you have these is empowering and will help you keep |
unphased when provoked |
Practicing a head nod greeting can prepare you to extract yourself from tense situations |
The head nod consists of two movements a quick motion either up or down and then a slightly |
slower motion resetting the head to its original setting Nodding up is more assertive and can |
Chapter Rise Above Status Conflict |
be perceived as a challenge if it is not accompanied by a smile or an eyebrow raise |
Nodding down is more modest |
Nodding down can be a helpful way to acknowledge someone and diffuse tension created |
by eye contact between strangers The fact that you stayed composed while you acknowledged |
the other person civilly with a nod before they acknowledged you shows that you do not feel |
threatened and are not trying to threaten Practicing a several head nods in front of a mirror |
will train you to nod reassuringly after a tense or unexpected encounter with a stranger |
Conflict Activity Head Nod Greeting |
Practice a friendly head nod It may help at first to do this in front of a mirror making eye |
contact with yourself Start by nodding down quickly and then back up Practice both upward |
and downward nods Repeat a few dozen times until you get the hang of it Nodding once is a |
positive display that will usually invite the other person to nod back and relax |
Use the mentalis muscle at the bottom of the chin to raise the chin toward the mouth |
You might combine this with a risorious smile by drawing the corners of the lips outwards |
without smiling up into the cheeks Then combine this with the nod Using the mentalis |
muscles to raise the chin while flashing a risorious smile sends a stern but friendly signal that |
diffuses suspicion |
Prepare yourself with dispassionate lines that will alleviate anger These include |
Excuse me friend Im not looking for any trouble or simply Hello may help you |
Say something peaceful while breathing deeply This will advertise that you are neither afraid |
nor angry If the person looks upset and confronts you physically you might want to diffuse |
tension by calmly introducing yourself You could advance a single fist for them to bump their |
fist against or advance an open hand to initiate a handshake |
What is the best way to shake hands It is pretty easy Open the web between your thumb |
and index finger wide and make an effort to stick it firmly into their web Keep your palm flat |
rather than cupped so that you can increase the surface area of contact between your palms |
Wrap your hand around theirs and squeeze firmly Dont allow anyone to twist your wrist |
during the shake Shake athletically from the elbow and linger for a moment A firm handshake |
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