post_id stringlengths 7 7 | post_content stringlengths 268 12.1k | post_title stringlengths 20 279 | verdict stringclasses 7 values |
|---|---|---|---|
10wqdv2 | I (23f) am graduating undergrad this upcoming May. I have a full time job set up for me already. My dad thought that since it’s possibly the last time I will be able to easily match up with my parents and sisters schedule we should go on a big trip. I kind of wanted to go with my friends but he was so sentimental about it being a “family trip” and ho our family hasn’t been on a trip with just us. For the record, my parents are truly miserable to each other and often scream and fight and I am usually not around them that long because I can’t. My little sister (19f) is a freshman in college. When we were planning this trip she asked if she can bring her boyfriend (17m) 17!!! Who she has known for a year. He is a Senior in high school. I told her Please do not leave me to hangout with mom and dad alone. This was around November and she told me she wouldn’t and laughed. Flash forward to today, my dad calls me and says he booking flights and my sisters bf will be going. I genuinely think she purposely did not let me find out until the day of booking flights. I said what? Are you paying for him? He said yes .I said can I bring a friend then? And he said you are being so difficult and why am I acting like this.just the round trip flight is $700 and he’s paying for this for him!. I got upset and texted my sister do you even feel guilty you bring this boy everywhere and dad pays for everything, and that I I will just go with my friends if this isn’t a “family event” and I will basically be third wheeling teenagers. Her and my dad said I’m overreacting and being a jerk. Building up to this my dad also gives my sister so much spending money a month that she basically has a savings account of his money, and she has never had a job while I have worked since 17. She also constantly brings him out to eat with my parents and they both order the most expensive items with no shame. I am expected to always have a job and pay my way. AITA?Edit: I’m not disturbed by her age gap relationship I just prefer not to hangout with a 17 year old boy | AITA for not wanting to third wheel teenagers ? | NTA |
10wo0no | My(f17) parents got me a puppy a few months ago. Their only condition was that I share all responsibilities relating to him and I agreed. When we got the puppy, he was only around a month old. So obviously it peed, pooped, vomitted anywhere anytime. At first I had absolutely no problem with it and cleaned up after him whenever needed. He also peed on me multiple times lol. So anyways now he's mostly trained to poop outside but sometimes accidents happen and he's a puppy who's cuteness melts everyone's annoyance or anger. We know poop stinks..and recently it has become unbearable to me to the point that I vomitted the last three times I tried. I still clean it whenever my parents are not around but it was mutually agreed that if they are in the house then they would relieve me of that duty. In return I took on some more responsibilities relating to him. Our maid- lets call her mary- is not asked to clean up after him. So if she sees that the dog has pooped anywhere, she just comes and informs one of us. Yesterday our dog pooped in two places in the same room. Mary saw and informed my father. But father only saw one place and somehow missed the other. I was in another room and was not aware of any of this..infact I thought my father was not at home at all. So when Mary came and told me that the dog had done his business in the room again, I just went ahead and cleaned it up..and vomitted yet again. Now the last two times I vomitted cuz of the stink, Mary was present. So later when I came to know that my father was present at the house during that time I asked her why she would ask me when clearly father was at home? She told me how the dog had pooped in two places and father cleaned only one and she did'nt want to annoy father a second time. I did'nt respond further and later ranted to my mother about this. She tells me that I should'nt have confronted Mary about this and That I'm an AH. But I just don't understand why, knowing that I would vomit, she would ask me to do the job just because she did'nt want to "annoy" my father.Sorry for the long rant.AITA? | AITA for confronting our maid? | YTA |
10wj7h5 | I (21F) am in my last year of nursing school. We do simulations, about 3-4 every semester. For those that don’t know, simulation is a patient scenario that you do with a mannequin. For example, today me and two other of my peers came in to the mannequin coughing (one of the instructors controls the mannequin and uses a microphone and speaker to “speak”) and having low oxygen. We had to figure out why. The mannequin had a chest tube and it was kinked. We figured it out and the mannequin didn’t die so all is well! Now this is where I feel like the asshole. We are assigned “roles”. One of my peers was “primary nurse” which means they make the decisions and delegate tasks. I was “secondary nurse” which I basically just aid the “primary nurse”. Then there is a “float nurse” who just kinda fills in the gaps and does whatever “primary” and “secondary” ask. Lastly we had two “rapid nurses” that came in if we called if the mannequin/patient is about code/not doing well. The mannequin had an oxygen saturation of 79% on 15 liters of oxygen. Which is very concerning and indicates for us to call the “rapid” nurses. They come into the simulation room and they didn’t know what to do either like us so the “float nurse” asks if we should call the doctor. I respond yes. The “primary nurse” then turns to me and says, “Am I the primary nurse or are you?”. I was taken aback by this because usually in simulation the roles kinda get thrown out the window and we all just work together to get everything resolved. I didn’t respond and moved on. Idk if they were joking or serious tbh but I feel like I overstepped a line. I then replayed the simulation in my head later today and I did change the mannequins/patients oxygen mask from a nasal cannula to a non-rebreather so I could turn the oxygen way up since their oxygen was so low. I did this without asking the “primary nurse” which I didn’t think was a big deal but after their comment I think they might’ve taken offense since “primary” is supposed to be the decision maker. I know I am probably overthinking and its not a big deal but I have known this peer for a long time from school and we have every class but 1 together and I don’t want them to think negatively about me.AITA? | AITA for taking “charge” during a nursing school simulation? | YTA |
10wd5b5 | Throwaway since my colleagues know my mainFor some background: my husband "Grant" \[28M\] and I \[27F\] just returned from our honeymoon. Grant is my best friend and the love of my life; we have been together for 7 years and just got married.On our first day (Friday), while aboard the shuttle that takes us from the airport to our hotel, we met "Nancy" \[29F\].We hit it off immediately and spent the whole hour long shuttle ride chatting with her. Nancy is a lovely woman, she had the most riveting travel stories to tell. She saved up for this trip for a year, and was excited after losing her job and going through a tough breakup.When we reached out hotel, she asked (kind of self-invited) herself to dinner with us. Grant and I made awkward eye contact, he said were tired from the flight and wanted to rest. She seemed disappointed, so we exchanged numbers and invited her to a group tour on Sunday, then parted ways.Saturday morning, Grant and I ran into Nancy at breakfast. She immediately sat down with us and started ranting about how sketchy people in this area have been, and how none of the other families or couples would spend time with her. After breakfast, she followed us back to our hotel room (??), not at all dissuaded by subtle hints Grant and I were sending her. She asked us if we planned on going out that night, and if she could join since she felt uncomfortable going alone. I felt really awful for her at this point, so agreed to meet her later.When the time came, she showed up visibly drunk and attached herself to Grant and I the whole night. It was still a fun night, but there were a few strange instances. For one, Grant and I were showing a little PDA (it's our honeymoon!) and a few times when he pulled me in to him or kissed me, she audibly sighed. She also started complaining when we wanted to head back early. All of these things are minor on their own, but they added up over time. I have pretty bad social anxiety as well, which contributed to feeling stressed and somewhat shameful around her. At some point, I gathered the courage to tell her that we want some more privacy, but she started crying so I reassured her and pulled it back.The rest of the week continued like this, until the next Thursday when I put my foot down. I told Grant I did not want to see her at all anymore: no more breakfasts, museums, "short walks", or anything else. He agreed and for the next two days we (mostly successfully) evaded her. I suspect he may have gently talked to her as well.I had a great time, and the last two days were by far the highlight of the trip since I felt far more relaxed and open. However, I am feeling some remorse for the way I treated her. She sent me a long text about how rough this trip was for her, and she did have valid concerns about not fully being able to explore the area or travel due to many men trying to take advantage of her. So, reddit, AITA? | AITA for abandoning a solo traveller on my honeymoon | NTA |
10wlx0a | I am a 22 year-old woman who recently graduated college and has been unsuccessful in finding a full-time job. Because of this, I still live at home with my parents and I depend on them a lot financially. The money I do make mostly goes towards paying off my car.Even though I don't make much money, I do still try to give to charity. Almost anytime sometime asks me if I will support a cause they care about, I try to spare some money, but I usually can't give more than $20-25 due to my modest income.Recently I saw someone share a GoFundMe on Instagram for someone who desperately needed money to pay bills. They were saying they were afraid of losing their heat and water and potentially even becoming hopeless. I immediately gave $20 to the GoFundMe.Later the person running the GoFundMe sent me a message asking me to send money over Venmo instead because it was taking to long for the GoFundMe money to be sent to them. I thought that was a reasonable request so I sent them $20 via Venmo.I then got a Venmo request from this person asking for another $25. They said they were super close to having all the money they needed to pay their bills, so I figured I would go ahead and pay the $25 even though I had already given $40.But after that, this person would not stop sending me Venmo requests for more money. I've gotten one at least once a day for the past few days, sometimes twice a day. I've already given this person more money than I normally give when I give to charity, so I declined their request. They didn't seem to get the message though, because they kept asking me for money. I understand that this person is desperate, but I don't think it was right for them to keep asking me, a total stranger, for more money when I had already given some and then declined to give more when I had reached my limit. Eventually I decided to block this person on Venmo so they would stop requesting money from me. Did I handle this situation well or AITA for not helping this person in need? | AITA for refusing to give more money to someone in need? | NTA |
10wq6pe | Okay so a little context. My parents bought a car a couple of years back and for a while it was the family car and my dad used to and is still driving it. The car is actually in my moms name and she pays for it, including insurance and repairs. She also has a driver's license, but my dad is very old-school and doesn't let her drive it. She's bitter about it as far as I can tell but lets it happen as he used to take her to work and did taxi service for her for a long time, basically driving her anywhere she wanted to. Since he's getting older and their relationship is basically just living together, he doesn't do this anymore. He's afraid to drive when it is getting dark and basically uses the car for his own business now. I moved out three years ago to do my apprenticeship a couple of towns away. Now my mom wants me to have the car and basically drive her to the airport once in a while and stuff like that, but keep the car and do as I please. Since my dad is getting old, taking the car would feel like me taking the last way for him to get around. He initially was onboard with me having it, but the last times we talked about it, he seemed to realize this wasn't just talking and kind of rowed back. I also am doing good financially and will be able to get my own car in a year or so. To fill that gap, a car of my own would be incredibly useful, tho. WIBTA if I took my moms' car? | WIBTA if I took my moms car | NTA |
10wf468 | \[BACKSTORY\] I will begin this post with the backstory. I 21M had just gotten a job offer my junior year of college (Fall of 2021). After signing my job offer, my parents 61M and 60F and I decided to start apartment hunting. We found a great apartment complex just outside the city. My parents offered to fully furnish the apartment where I would live. My parents are both big discount shoppers and love stores like TJ Maxx or HomeGoods. Starting in around October 2021 my parents and I went to all kinds of furniture stores/Home Goods, and we even traveled to another state to get some furniture, and I do not want to downplay how much time/money they spent in this process helping me out. Then in April of 2022 I began dating a girl, let’s call her Jess, so assuming the relationship worked out, I would not be living alone in my apartment.\[PRESENT TIME\] Fast forward to now, I am working and making around $70,000 per year, and my girlfriend accepted a big job offer that will begin in July where she will be making around $130,000 per year plus a big bonus. We want to move in together before 2024, and found the perfect place to live. Here’s where most of the problem lies: over the last month or so my girlfriend had seen some of the furniture for my apartment, and I asked her what she thinks about it. She said that there were a few things she was not a fan of whatsoever, but overall she likes most of what I have. For the items that she did not like, she suggested that we go furniture shopping and she would purchase a replacement that we both liked. I told my parents Jess's opinions on some of the furniture, and they were not happy. They requested that Jess go through all of the furniture and tell them what she liked/didn’t like, so that they could return the items that Jess wasn’t fond of. After we finished there were a few items that needed to be returned because they were not Jess’s style. Many things that are being returned, needed to be returned anyways because we bought several options for certain decorations, to see what would work, and we would return the rest regardless. So overall Jess probably liked 80% of what I already had, and of what we returned most were things we had no room for, and some things Jess was not fond of. My parents think Jess has "no empathy or consideration" for all the shopping they did. They are also frustrated because I am letting Jess say no to things that "I loved”. They think there should "be compromise" in that Jess gets free things and I get all of the furniture/decorations I like. But that to me seems like I get what I want, and Jess has to deal with it because it is free and my parents already bought it. So overall, AITA for defending my girlfriend’s decisions, sticking by my decisions, and telling my parents what they are feeling is disrespectful to me and Jess. TLDR: My parents are angry that my girlfriend does not want the furniture (returnable) that they bought for me and my apartment before we even began dating. | AITA For Defending My 21M And My Girlfriend's 21F Decisions To My Parents 61M and 60F When It Comes To Our Apartment | NTA |
10wdlsl | Hey people of Reddit! I'd love to get some opinions on this, as it seems to have divided those who I've spoken to about it.So, I work in a bar. Yesterday whilst I was working, a guy came up and I approached him all smiles, "hey how are you" kind of thing. He was cold from the get-go, just gave me a blank stare and snapped his drink order. Whatever, not everyone is friendly. I then rang his order up, it came to around £7.56 or something. He pulls a £10 out of his wallet, and tosses it across the bar at me without even making eye contact. Like, he threw it so hard I had to react quick to catch it.Now, this really annoyed me. So I counted up his change, and, despite the fact that he was holding out his hand, I dropped the money on the bar next to his hand. So essentially, the same as he did to me. He looked at me like I'd just come to his house and pissed on his kids, and stormed off.Around 20 minutes later, I see him talking to my manager in a corner. My manager approaches me afterwards and tells me that guy was complaining about my "rudeness" with the whole putting his change on the bar thing. I explained I was just giving the energy I got and we ended up laughing it off.I was talking to a friend about it afterwards, who told me they thought I was a little too petty and he "could have been having a bad day" etc.So, AITA? I don't think I am but I may also have angry bartender syndrome, lol. | AITA for putting a customers change on the counter? | NTA |
10wclts | First time posting here, sorry if I give too much info or format weird or do something else wrong that I'm not thinking of.I (24F) was hanging with my friend Peter (30M), and his friend (hung out with him a few times before, chill dude) Tyler (28M). We decided to go bowling. I knew in advance that I was going to spend the night at Peter's house, Tyler was too, because we were all going to be drinking and smoking. It was easier and more fun for everyone if we didn't have to worry about a DD at 1am. I texted my mother early in the day that I was going to go bowling with Peter and Tyler later, then sleeping over at Peter's house. Cut to later, the three of us were pre-gaming / waiting for the bowling alley to thin out a bit. I get a text from my mother asking if my nephew (16M, Ryan) and his gf (16F, Lisa) can come bowling with us. Before I get a chance to run it by the guys, she calls me. She asks if they can come with us because they are bored. I said no, and that I felt weird asking Peter and Tyler because "we would be 24, 28, and 30 hanging out with two 16-year olds, ya know?" and my mom said "No, I don't see the problem" then I said "I don't want to be the person that brought my "kids" so to speak" and she said "okay, I'll just bring them with me" in a huffy tone and hung up.This was a few days ago, she hasn't brought it up or given me any s about it, so we're good. I texted my nephew right after the phone call and apologized for not letting him come and explaining I was caught off guard, he said, "it's fine" and I assume he wasn't being passive-aggressive or anything.Here's why I think I'm the AH:I told Peter and Tyler about it AFTER the phone call, and they were cool with the idea of Ryan and Lisa joining us. They were still going to get drunk and stoned as planned, I didn't blame them, but I didn't want that around my nephew and his gf. I know he can handle it; he's seen me drunk off my a\*\* plenty, but in this scenario, we would be the adult supervision. Ryan and I have always been close. We're only 7 years apart in age (he's about to turn 17). His mom is 14 years older than me. I KNOW if I called him saying I was bored and wanted to tag along with him and his friends, he would say yes, so I feel like a total jerk not doing the same for him. We could have had a lot of fun and bonded more as "adults". I try to treat him like my peer, but a 7-year difference can be pretty substantial at certain ages. In recent years we weren't very close because I was an older teen / adult, so we couldn't bond over the kid stuff we used to. Now he's JUST coming up on being old enough to bond with me as an adult (talk about more "edgy" topics, eventually share a drink with him, etc.) and I don't want him to think I still see him like a baby or a burden or something.Probably way more info than needed and a lot of rambling, sorry, but AITA?Also, if I am, what should I do to remedy the situation? | AITA For Not Letting My Nephew and His GF Come Bowling With My Friends And I? | NTA |
10wgh07 | I’m (18F) a freshman in college. One of my classes is relatively small, (around 15 people) and we all have a group chat together. We spend most of it talking about classwork, but occasionally, they send a random pictures of our professor (40F).It’s weird because she was clearly not aware that those pictures were taken; it would literally just be her minding her own business somewhere and the picture was taken in secret. They send in these pictures often, and I’ve just found it really creepy. One person said that they have an album in their phone of pictures of her. I don’t think that it breaks any rule at our uni, but I feel like I should send her screenshots of the chat, and maybe she could formally address it and tell them to stop.However, I’m worried that if I do this, IWBTA because I’m just ratting out my friends for something that might not even be that immoral or a rule violation. I don’t want to embarrass them when they’re just doing what “teenagers” do (as my dad said.) I also don’t want everyone to hate me for “ruining the fun.” So, WIBTA if I told my professor about this? | WIBTA if I told my professor that my classmates take pictures of her? | NTA |
10w9r52 | I am a new small single-person business owner, so this year instead of filing my taxes myself with an online e-filing system, I decided to pay $397 to the big nationwide chain of "tax professionals" to have someone who knows what they're doing do them for me.I uploaded my documents online and then was told to set an appointment with one of their local consultants. The website said no appointments were available and to call my local office, which I did. The woman who answered the phone seemed bewildered and told me to upload my documents online. I had to repeat myself several times before she asked for my name and located my documents.She called back to ask some questions and each time I had to repeat myself a few times before she understood and I was starting to get frustrated with her. She frequently cut me off when I was talking and talked over me. After I paid to review my return, I saw that she had lumped a large portion of my business expenses into one category, so I called to ask her what that expense was. She again seemed to misunderstand my question and kept telling me to look at my schedule C form. I got so frustrated with her talking over me and answering the wrong question that I eventually raised my voice and said something like, "oh my god, please just listen to me! What expenses did you add together to get this 9000 dollar expense listed as professional services? I'm not sure that's right." Which is really out of character for me because I'm normally pretty non-confrontational. I was extremely frustrated at this point and she told me don't worry, "it doesn't matter," but listed off the categories she'd added together to get that expense. The total amount of expenses matched my records, so I let it go.I asked if her company would be responsible if something were done incorrectly, and she told me I could pay an extra $40 for "peace of mind" protection, which would require the company to pay if she had made a mistake. I paid the extra fee.Anyway, I signed the return and just decided to put the whole experience behind me. Right after, her company sent me a "client experience survey" to fill out, which I went through and rated almost everything 1 out of 5 and ranted a little about my experience. I did NOT enter my name or the rep's name in the "optional" fields.The following day I got an email from her manager, apologizing and saying he'd talk to her, which made me cringe because I really didn't mean to tie that survey directly to her. Then, the representative herself called me, sounded nearly in tears, and apologized for whatever she did wrong, which was extremely awkward. I wound up apologizing to her, and she asked me to change my answers on the survey. I said I would try, but the survey link just takes me to a "thanks for sharing your experience" page now, because I've already completed it.I feel like an asshole and like I should have just put the bad experience behind me and not gotten this girl in trouble. | AITA for leaving a negative survey for my tax preparer? | NTA |
10wfajh | Let's keep it short:I'm a manager at a small coffee store. A couple weeks ago, my coworker came in to offer help with my close. I agree, and even offer him money, but he declines it. After helping sweep and mop, he's on his way, and I close the store with my other coworker who's actually supposed to work.Not even a day later, my boss calls me and scolds me for letting him work outside his scheduled hours, which is illegal for him. I assumed my boss just so happened to look through the security footage at just the right time, but he told me that the guy told on me because he wanted me to "learn a lesson." Why? I have no clue.Anyway, I apologize, and get let off with a warning. Two days ago, the same coworker walks in the store while I'm working just to annoy me. He asked if I got yelled at by the manager, and after saying yes, he says "Good. You needed to learn a lesson."At this point, I get pretty angry, and want to yell in his face, but instead I firmly tell him to leave the store. He's arguing with me, bringing up how I'm projecting my insecurities, or whatever, but I told him I wasn't even going to get into that. He reluctantly leaves the store, but I'm wondering if I am the asshole? This wasn't a random customer I was kicking out the store, this is a person who is employed here, that I just happened to kick out when he came without any scheduled hours just to try and piss me off. | AITA for kicking out a coworker that wasn't scheduled to work at the time? | NTA |
10wpkws | I (22) live in a house with 3 other girls. On of them (38) has a habit of leaving food in the fridge that she refuses to throw away. She bought a yoghurt pot back in November and it was still in the fridge until yesterday when I had enough it and threw it. It was completely blue and the smell was nauseating. We had a mutual understanding in the house that if the food in the fridge goes bad, it gets thrown away, especially because we share the shelves and the smell ends up going everywhere.I was already annoyed with this housemate because she split liquid mushrooms literally everywhere in the fridge and it went on everything so I had to clean it up since she didn’t do it properly. Again, the smell was atrocious. I didn’t really think me throwing away her yoghurt pot from four months ago was a big deal but she confronted me about how I had no right before threatening to report me to the police for theft. So AITA? | AITA for throwing away my housemates food | NTA |
10wcoij | Our fridge is jam packed full of food because my roommates are slobs and never clean up anything unless specifically asked to. I was going to buy groceries later in the day so i threw out some expired stuff that was in the fridge (moldy cheese, expired milk) and didn’t think anything of it because it was almost gone and… 10 days past the expiration date. My roommate texts us asking if someone threw her milk away because she was going to make a milkshake and I replied and said it was me and she shouldn’t really drink that because it’s expired. A huge fight broke out and my two roommates teamed up against me calling me petty, aggressive, rude etc. I am scared to go home today. The things they said hurt my feelings and didn’t really seem warranted as I only threw away expired milk. My roommates already don’t like me because I am the clean one who asks them to clean their messes and they both don’t mind filth. AITA? And how do i continue living here peacefully? I can’t move out until August. Thanks. | AITA for throwing out my roommates milk that was 10 days past the expiration date | NTA |
10wpj0f | This is gonna be kinda long. So I (17M) told my mom that I don’t want to babysit my siblings (11M and 13F) anymore. This story needs a bit of backstory, we live in a very small town in a very small country where there is low crime rate, me and my family used too not be well of financially so when something came up I was always the one they asked to babysit (I was 9-14 at the time) and I happily obliged and even tho I was doing what my parents are supposed to do I was never shown any respect I was pushed around by my father like I was some toy and my mom never knew about it because I was afraid to tell her, my siblings have always been troubled kids and still are so it was not easy to babysit them for 3-6 hours when I was 11 (my parents never left them with me longer than 1 hour when I was 9 and 10) it has always been chaos when they leave them with me screaming while I was making food, running around the apartment and when they got hurt they told my dad it was my fault they got hurt and my dad never believed me and scolded me for it, refusing to go to sleep at reasonable hours and much more, I have been doing this for many years and all I have ever asked in return was a little bit of respect and don’t get me wrong I got respect from my mom but not from my dad. (I should also mention that I came out as trans a little over a year ago and my dad has made it very clear that he will never support me or respect me). So 2 days ago my mom asked me to babysit because she was going to take and evening shift and my dad was working also and I said yes of course even tho I had been sick for the last few days with influenza and it was just like every other time the screaming, the fighting and everything they could think of to make me miserable so I went to bed exhausted and that was when I had my breaking point and the next day when I saw my mom I told her that I would not be babysitting them again and explained to her what happened and told her that my sister is old enough to take care of my brother and she agreed, this is the part where I am asking if I’m the asshole, my dad called me today scolding me for saying that I will not be babysitting anymore and told me that I was being selfish and that I should be a free babysitter because I’m his “daughter” and I should do as he says and I of course just hung up on him because I didn’t want to listen to his nonsense but now I don’t know if I did the right thing AITA? | AITA for telling my mom I won’t babysit my siblings anymore? (English is not my first language so sorry if there are spelling errors) | NTA |
10wje62 | I (f19) have been spending less time at home since July last year, it started in summer when I found a group of friends that actually respected me and I enjoyed spending time around after a LONG history of bullying. I would be gone all day but always come home in the evenings, sometimes late but never into hours like 3am. In september last year I got together with one of said friends and we ended up staying back and fourth at eachothers houses more, naturally it ended up being my partners house more as it was new and more comfortable.Now cut to November and I'm spending 3/4 days away from home at a time and my dad messages me asking me to be home more, now this is where i feel like i need to explain - before when i was at home my parents would make little to ZERO effort to talk to me while I was at home, never asking me to come and watch a film, never chatting, never asking for family game night. So when I experienced this at my partners house obviously I wanted to spend more time there. And this memory that always cuts through is one morning my sister didnt get out of bed and made everyone late and as we got into the car my mum said "sometimes I wish I wasnt your mother" which hurt me alot.Anyway my dad sent a message asking me to stay home and I explained EVERYTHING I just said and we all agreed to be better for eachother.Its now February and when I am home they still make no effort they just sit watching TV all the time even on weekends, I feel like an awful daughter but all I want is for them to show they want to spend time with me instead of just wanting me home for the element of control? My mum claims I dont love her as much as my dad ect... I feel bad and really need to know if I'm in the wrong and what I can do to fix it if so?Thank you!Also I want to end this with saying my parents arent awful they do care but sometimes I just want to be shown it?(apologies for any grammatical or spelling errors my hand was cramping by the end lol) | AITA for spending less time with my parents intentionally even after they asked me to be at home more? | NTA |
10wjbd7 | Wife has been begging for a dog for as long as I can remember and is almost borderline a clean freak. On her end, she is an animal lover. She has had almost any type of pet you can think of except for a snake. We are from South America, and she tells me stories from her childhood that she used to rescue animals from the streets and bring them home. Together with her dad they would help these animals and take care of them indefinitely. Me on the other hand, I’ve never even had a pet fish. I asked for a dog when I was younger but due to my mom being completely petrified at the sight of a dog it never occurred. Just 3 months ago, a friend was giving away a Husky puppy. She begged and begged. I was very hesitant as I like dogs but to be honest I don’t do good with poop/pee. When my son was in diapers, changing a poop diaper was truly a task that was difficult for me to handle. I would do it, but mask gloves etc was the only way. I was very upfront with her saying I would collaborate with keeping him entertained, walking him and whatever expenditures came our way. But the poop and pee was something I just couldn’t see myself doing. She desperately agreed and said she would take on all the cleaning associated with this. We have flooring in our home. Since the dog came home…I’ve purchased the robotic vacuums, air purifiers etc. Being that she is a clean freak, she mops our home pretty much everyday. She is now complaining daily on how I just don’t give a fuck about how clean our home is. The dog is now trained to hold it in for several hours but of course accidents occur, still a 4 month puppy. She is constantly fighting me about this issue and tbh I am over it. I was up front and cleaning up after him is incredibly difficult for me to the point I gag and throw up. Through speaking with friends and family I of course find out Husky’s are pretty difficult to deal with. Yeah my bad I didn’t research it!EDIT: I still clean in the same manner as I did with everything else around our home. She has not taken on any additional chores. Before the dog she was in charge of flooring downstairs anyway. The only additional tasks have been the poop/pee that is accidental inside the home or the poop in our yard. | AITA Partner & I got a dog together | YTA |
10wpbna | I'm still not sure, but I don't know what else I could have done. My kid was expected home at 7pm. We try to extend as much trust and space as possible, as this is a person practicing to be an independent adult. They take all their classes through the local college for credit for both high school and college. They choose to have a job. Both of these are entirely their choice.Due to recently, Thursday, choosing not to come home at night with no discussion (my kid is 16) my teen is required to have location turned on for their phone. Instead of coming home for dinner at 7 they went to a hotel in a bad part of town. When I asked why, they lied & said they were buying a charger.I provided a deadline (20 minutes) for them to begin their trip home. They did not. Their father and I went to the hotel, found their car, but couldn't get them to answer their phone so we could hear their voice and know they weren't in distress, under coercion, and safe. We could not see them. They're under 18. We gave them another 25 minutes, and when they finally called their dad, they sounded high. They wouldn't come out or share a room number so we could see they were ok.We live in an incredibly high risk area for human trafficking. I've talked to them about this since they were young. Given their behavior and the location, I didn't know what else to do. They were visiting an 18 year old friend. Because they were an unregistered guest, and under 18 he lost his room, which is his housing, as he's in an unstable housing situation, and I feel like an asshole. I just... Don't know what else I could have done. So, AITA? | AITA for calling the police on my kid? | YTA |
10wkspv | Listen, I totally respect people pushing themselves at the gym and stuff. I don’t even work out that much so I have mad respect for anybody that’s there and exercising. I know it’s hard enough to even drag myself there in the first place. There’s this guy there that’s definitely in running shape that does a moderate jog on the treadmill and I swear to god let’s out a scream every ten seconds when he runs. It’s really disruptive and it’s not like he’s doing full-on sprints or anything.Then he hits the weights and grunts so loudly and drops the weights on the ground every set. I always think to myself that if you aren’t strong enough to set the weights down gently then you aren’t strong enough to lift them in the first place, from a principle standpoint. This kid is probably 5’10” and a buck 25, so it’s not like he’s throwing up massive weight. This is also a small apartment gym, not a big commercial one. I’m probably TA and should stop getting worked up about it but he’s really annoying to workout around. Next time I see him I’m considering politely asking him to not drop the weights on the ground. Not sure what to do about the runs, idk. Thanks in advance. Bonus TA: he puts the weights back on the rack out of weight order which fills my soul with rage. | WIBTA telling somebody to stfu at the gym? | NTA |
10wmlj9 | Context: My (36f) sister (31f) is getting married abroad (we live in the US) in June, and because many of her friends can't make it to the wedding, she's having her bachelorette in a place that's convenient to her friends: Washington, DC.I'm her MOH, and I've been tasked with creating an itinerary for the bachelorette weekend to share with the attendees ahead of time. As we were discussing activities, she said that I should include suggestions of what to wear for each of the activities (e.g. fancy-ish clothes for a dinner at a nice restaurant, walking shoes for the days when we'll be doing touristy things, etc).My sister is making a gift bag for each of the attendees as a thank-you for celebrating with her. Included in these gift bags will be a pair of American flag-patterned sunglasses and a goofy t-shirt with a president's face and a pun on his name related to booze (e.g. "Abe Drinkin"). The t-shirts are white, the presidents' portraits are grayscale, and American flag aviators and headbands have been photoshopped onto their faces. She wants us to wear these t-shirts while we do a pedal pub event.When she told me about her plan to buy the shirts, she suggested that everyone wear biker shorts with the t-shirts for this event. I suggested that biker shorts might be too cold for the weather at that time of year, but that American flag leggings could be a good alternative. She texted back, "lol imagine how much that would clash!" and told me to suggest "neutral leggings" on the itinerary.The thing is that I already own American flag leggings. I go hard on the 4th of July, and I'm campy. I own many articles of American flag apparel.My sister only wears solid colors, and she only wears blue jeans (usually dark) or black pants. She isn't judgmental about people who wear patterns, at least as far as I've observed.In my opinion, American flag leggings don't clash with a white t-shirt with a president's face on it (the whole outfit would be tacky, which I don't consider the same as clashing), but I acknowledge that wearing them with the t-shirt would be in express opposition to her suggested attire for the event.I wouldn't change what I write as the suggested attire on the itinerary, and I'll make sure I have a pair of black leggings packed in case she ardently opposes the American flag leggings, but I'm not sure how egregious it would be to wear them because I'm not sure to what extent it's appropriate for a bride-to-be to dictate the attire of the attendees to her bachelorette weekend events because I've only ever been to bachelorette parties that lasted a manner of hours, and from what we were doing for the party, dress code was pretty obvious.I don't think my sister will act upset about anything anyone wears because she's not that superficial, but I don't want to be an AH by blatantly disregarding her suggestion of "neutral leggings" if it's a normal thing to dictate.So WIBTA if I wear American flag leggings to this pedal pub event?ETA: To be clear, I'm not dictating that anyone wear patterned leggings or buy new leggings. We all own leggings (idk how it is in other countries, but Americans love our casualwear), and it's not a problem for me to wear black leggings. I'm also aware I will look ridiculous (that's kind of the point -- if you're going hard, go hard). I'm asking if it will be AH behavior to put on these leggings, see what she says, and change if necessary. I will definitely be wearing the American flag leggings at some point on the trip, even if it's just to sleep in them. They are comfy af. | WIBTA if I wear patterned leggings to my sister's bachelorette weekend? | NTA |
10wdkkb | I (29F) recently moved in to my boyfriend's (36M) place (my work has moved closer to his home so I am renting from him). Prior to me moving in, we had already agreed that we would not have anyone over without discussing it first with each other and both of us agreeing.Yesterday, his friend and his sister on two separate occasions turned up to our front door unannounced. We were both not dressed so I had to run upstairs while my boyfriend threw on a dressing gown and answered the door. Afterwards, I asked him to contact his friend and sister to not turn up to the house unannounced and to pre-arrange it with him. He then told me that this is unreasonable and that I am the only one in the world who thinks that people turning up unannounced to my house is not ok. His sister has also stated that "it sucks for [him)" that I am making this request. My pre-existing belief was that regardless if who you are, if you are going to another person's house, that the least you can do is arrange it in advance and not randomly rock up uninvited, expecting to be well received. AITA? | AITA for not wanting people turning up unannounced to my house?? | NTA |
10wizdy | I'm a 19 year old female and currently trying to be shipped out to the Air Force. It's super scary but exciting at the sane time. It will 7 weeks of training to be in the Air Force and they will have a celebration of passing. It will be in Texas and my dad said he and my step-mom will be there.Here's the thing, I don't like my step-mom. Don't get me wrong she never hit or left me hungry or anything, but I always got the feeling she never liked me or my brother. She has stated she never wanted kids. She always seemed annoyed when I leave my room or say something. There are time she us nice to me when my dad is around and give me hand down cloths but that's about it. She always yells at me for every mistake I made and makes me the villain for things I didn't even know what I'm doing. Now there are times I deserve it as I don't always pay attention to things but I always feel like she's talking down to me and I don't like leaving my room or talk to my dad when she's around. She never felt like a mom and to be honest, she feels like a stranger to me. Even now an they have been married since I was like 14 or so.This is different from my step-dad who I knew since I was 3. He's always been like a second dad to me and always trys to hang out with me and my brother. Even when my half sister's were born he never favored them nor treated us any different. Be bought me a bow once when I was 7 because I wanted to learn. One father's day when me and my brother were little my dad didn't take more or my brother on the father's day camping trip we normally go on. My step-dad was so mad and chewed my dad out as my brother was in tears as he really wanted to go. He wasn't planning on camping at that time but he told my mom that they were going camping. He even helped me on my ASVAB and took me driving in his truck. He's so fun to be around and he loves all of his kids. I feel like I can talk to my mom and step-dad about anything that is bothering me or what I did wrong. Sometimes I can with my dad but never my step-mom. I always am told I'm the bad guy for I feel.My dad isn't like my step-mom. He also takes me driving and shopping when I want to go. He was even the one you got me on the path I'm on now because he believes I can do it. He knows what I like and would bring up thing he thinks I would like. Like Last of Us or Dead Space. He even let me download Genshin Impact on his PS5 and made me an account. My dad is loving and cares about me. I want him to see me be in the Air Force. But my step-mom never really seemed to care and only asks about it when my dad is around or brings it up.I don't like her and I think she feels the same judging by how she acts. So WIBTA for wanting everyone but my step-mom there? | WIBTA if I asked my dad not to bring my step-mom to my future graduation from Air Force Basic Training? | NTA |
10wmatr | The story was that I was a new hire at a company(4 months job time) and I was working on an event with my team of 5(including my immediate boss). Let’s name my immediate boss Kath. Kath was in charge of the event that we were organizing.The event is big for us: it’s our biggest annual event that we organize. At first, the event was to be held in mid February but as we couldn’t get one VIP for the period we moved the event to the end of February. The decision to move event date was around the end of Nov/beginning of Dec.The problem was that I had a trip planned(plane ticket paid)at the end of Feb. At the beginning of Dec, I knew that I had to address this somehow and, instead of my immediate boss, Kath, I went to my Division Director(my division consists of 3 teams, totaling 16 people). The DD was okay with me not being at the event but he told me not to tell Kath about it until Jan as he wanted me to learn the job.January came and so I told Kath about my issue. Kath got mad at me because I was hiding the issue from her. One part of her problem was that she wanted me to tell her first, not the DD. The reason I went to the DD was that I was willing to put off my trip(with ticket paid yes) if he suggests that I should participate in the event and I wanted my decision for not being at the event to be 100% sure before I tell Kath. I understood that Kath was being thrown under the bus as me not going messed with her work a bit(Kath told me she was ok with me not going too but she wished I would told her about it sooner). I knew that but I didn’t want to go against the suggestion of the DD.AITA for going to the DD instead of Kath. | AITA for violating chain of command(in business context) | YTA |
10wiodw | Me and my girlfriend live in a long distance relationship (~200km) in two different countries.We normally see each other on the weekends, but came short on that recently.Especially due to Covid, we haven’t been able to go on vacation as only the two of us yet. We have been on a vacation with friends however.For around 2 months I’ve been considering going on vacation for 2-3 days, a weekend, all alone and by myself. My plans for the vacation are to use my phone less, focus on myself and just find some peace and quiet, especially since I am currently really focussing on self care and self development (including things like daily routines, sports, living and thinking healthier, being more dedicated about everything, reading books that teach me something, playing less video games, skincare, etc.).My girlfriend however does not like the idea and wants to go on vacation with the two of us - which I understand and made clear to her that we should definitely do that as well, though I’d still like to have a weekend vacation for myself.She didn’t like the idea, of me going on vacation all by myself, at all though. She seemed to not see a reason in it and couldn’t understand how I could feel that way, especially when she always wants me around, no matter where she goes.A few weeks ago I also talked to my mom about this and she seems to think the same way as my girlfriend does.Is it that unusual or weird that I would like to go on vacation by myself for the stated reasons? | AITA for wanting to go on a vacation alone? | NTA |
10w9zbj | I (F26) work at a dentist clinic as a dental hygienist. I've been working at the clinic since I qualified 5 years ago and have put in my notice as me and my partner are planning on moving to another country, nothing personal to any of my colleagues.One of my coworkers who we'll call Jane (F28) planned for us to go out to dinner and get drinks. It was only meant to be us two and not a big deal thing, as out of everyone at the clinic, I was closest to Jane.Jane mentioned these plans to a couple of our coworkers and it pretty much snowballed into everyone inviting themselves to coming along and it would be a big thing.My boss, the clinic manager, Liz (F54), found out about these plans and she wasn't happy about it.Liz has been a really good boss to me throughout my time at the clinic and we even spent time together outside of work and I thought we were friends.Liz got upset because she planned a surprise party on my last day at the clinic and said that I was inconsiderate for planning something for myself.She said Jane and I should've run the dinner and drinks plan by her first since the whole cohort is coming, and that we don't get to plan work events without her input.I said to Liz that she's being unreasonable and that both events can happen. She said I'm not understanding the problem and just got really irritated and told me to forget about it.I still don't understand tbh?Liz still carried out the surprise party on my last day at work which was yesterday. The entire time Liz was like a completely different person, she refused to even acknowledge my presence and ignored me the whole day and just looked incredibly furious all the time. She also behaved this way towards Jane.After I finished my last shift I kind of snapped and told Liz she's been acting like a sulky five year old and that she needs to cut it out. Liz told me to get lost and that I'm the one acting like a child and I'm being ungrateful towards her effortsI've never seen Liz act this way before, she's normally a pretty great, chill boss and I'm wondering if I really am out of line. | AITA for telling my boss she's acting like a 5 year old? She's very upset with me | NTA |
10wej4p | I (28M) applied for a job as a consultant at the company of my best friends (22F) dad. The interview and the assessment centre went very well and I will be offered a contract next week.Now the thing is: I don't plan on staying in this job for a long time as I will be starting a career in education in September 2024. I did not mention this during the interview and just briefly towards my best friend. She now interrogated me multiple times since then on what my plans are and now she is mad at me for not explaining this during the interview, especially because it is her dad's company. Now the thing is that if I had, the company would have never considered my application from that point on. Additionally, it isn't even 100% sure that I will be able to get into teaching next year.Background:My current job is really pushing me closer to a burnout (60h+, customers that are not willing to cooperate and a team that currently consists of my boss, who has no time to explain the stuff he envisions, yet always complains that the concepts and developments don't fit his expectations, two working students, who I have to teach more than what they could achieve on their own and a colleague, who is working in a different time zone (+4,5h from our location) and can be contacted from 3:30am to 9:30am).I already handed in my resignation letter after months of trying to find a better way in communicating with my boss and I will leave the company at the end of May, so there is still some time left to find a new job. I already have three other interviews coming up next week. One of these will be at one of the BIG4 and another one at one of the big players in the automotive industry. Needless to say, it is not certain that one of these interviews will get me another job offer. I already apologised to my best friend multiple times and promised her to not sign the offered contract and, in addition to that, explain my reasoning to the company and also her dad. She did not respond to it until now. I would have preferred talking to her on the phone or in person but she said she is not feeling well (she's currently suffering with the flu).I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this as she would usually be the person I would consolidate in such cases. I really don't know what I could or should do right now and whether I am the a-hole.I simply don't want to lose her. | AITA for not telling the whole truth during my job interview? | NTA |
10w9wvw | My boyfriends best friend is getting married in 2 months. It’s going to be in Florida. I am not opposed to going because I get along with both his best friend and his fiancée. My only problem is I just had a baby last month. My boyfriend wants us to go without our child. We’d be in Florida for more than a week. I am exclusively pumping for her and when we go on this trip our daughter will only be 2 months old. I am not comfortable leaving my baby for more than a week. I also have two older children with my ex who I’d like to see during my weekends. The room was paid for by the fiancées mother and I don’t know if there is a rule about babies at the wedding but I honestly don’t feel comfortable leaving her for that long. My boyfriends mom will be caring for her while we’re gone and said I can FaceTime her but I’ve never ever been away from my children when they were that young for that long. I don’t feel like either him or his mom are understanding where I’m coming from. I’d rather find out if we could take her with us. I know I won’t have a good time knowing I’m away from her for that long. If she can’t come with us then I don’t think I could go. WIBTA for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want to go if she can’t go? | WIBTA for not wanting to go to my boyfriends best friends wedding? | NTA |
10wofte | Ok, so... to put you in context:This is a story from some time ago. I am currently a college student (20 at the time), and at the time it was the beginning of my third year but the first year of my childhood friend, les call her Ariana (19 at the time).At the very first days, I would go walking to the bus station by myself or ask one of my parents to drop me off, but after like 3 days, she suggested me that we shoud go together, wich I didn't consider because both our schedules did not match, but I knew it was because she didn't want to go all alone walking to the bus station (The place where we live is not exactly "safe"), so I accepted. She told me that she would come early when I had classes earlier and so on, and that she would wait for me when I would get out later than her and vice versa.The things were like the following:\- I went earlier 3 days (1 h before my 1st class), 1 day at the same hour and 1 day that she had to went earlier.\- I had to wait aprox. 1 h and 30 min for her after my classes 4 days, and she only had to wait for me 1 day, on Wednesday.The problema started 6 weeks into the semester when she started dating Mike because she likes to focus on things she’s interested in, and that was Mike. The thing is that Wednesday came and on our way to college she told me that she would not wait for me that day because she was going x place with Mike, I told her it was ok. The next Wednesday comes and she tells me same, I was already feeling that she would dump me, but tried to believe that that wouldn´t happen and instead told her that it was Ok, that I din't have a problem if she did it once in a while. Ok, the next week to this, she did it once again and I was pissed off, so I asked her if she could go with him any other day so we could follow our deal, but she told me that Mike's classes ended at 2 or so and that she didn't want to wait for him and that it was the only day they could go out (not true, they could go any other day, she would have to wait like an hour, but it's just that she didn't want her parents to know because they would scold her for going out during "classes' day"), and I told her that I was angry that she was dumping me for going out with him and completely breaking our deal the only day she had to wait for me, and that it was not fair.The next morning, the topic came out again and once again she tried to explain but when I told her that it wasn't fair that she was completely dumping me (because she obviously was going to dump me), and showed I was still mad at her, Ariana got angry and told me that she was trying to equilibrate her love life, he friends and me, and I got offended because I didn't see that in any way but didn't say nothing and just stay quiet trying no to cry.So, AITA for being mad at my friend for dumping me to be with her boyfriend? | AITA for being mad at my friend for dumping me to be with his boyfriend? | NTA |
10wfhfc | I, (15)F had gotten into a school incident last year resulting in suspension for a week. Student, (?) M had saw me mid incident having a breakdown and told me to “pop a tittie.” I already reported him for that. Anyways, Student has been constantly reminding me of that time, even after I moved on from it with my therapist and reformed. Every interaction almost is like this in some way. S for student, M for me. M: -walking in the halls or even at an assembly.-S:Hey arnt you that chick from the bathroom?M: (not a chick Im nonbianary,) Yea so what? Im not like that anymore. S: Yea you are her! -proceeds to tell whoever is around him what happened as I get nasty looks-M: cut it out man. S: yea yea I will. -never does-Today he was in my class and did so in front of everyone. I hadnt reported him prior due to cutting him slack and giving the benefit of the doubt. He stopped for a few months but today was the last straw. I reported him to one of the deans and told the dead I had a minimum of two witnesses to this shit. TLDR: student reminding me of past, I got fed up and reported him after it happening multiple times in the past literal year. Am I the Asshole? | AITA for reporting a student to the dean? | NTA |
10wgl61 | I (21F) am graduating with my bachelor's degree in May this year. My mother (41) and I have a bad/on and off relationship- I had a rough childhood, and she was partially the reason why. She emotionally and verbally abused me, and I bounced between my mother, dad, and maternal grandparent's houses. Because of this my grandparents practically raised me, supporting me financially. I still live in their house because my part-time job doesn't pay well and the cost of living is really high in my state, and they tell me they're happy to let me stay since I'm in school- but my mother also lives in my part of the house. My grandparents know she is taking advantage of them and they always say they want her to move out, but never do anything about it.We were okay for a while after I turned 18, but she has a tendency to blow everything out of proportion, and gets angry when anyone tries to confront her about her behavior. Everything came to a head when I tried to talk to her about the way she treats me and my grandparents. She blew up and said some hurtful things, including attacking my mental illness and saying I have no friends and should die, calling me names, etc. I'm usually good at taking her words since I've gotten used to it from childhood, but this really hurt me because I'm an adult and she still treats me like this. I told her that if this is the way she wants to treat me, she is not welcome in my life and I don't want her coming to my graduation. She said that that's perfect, and she doesn't care/want to go anyway. My grandparents heard everything and were there so they know what she said, and I also recorded the argument just in case she tries to twist my words. We haven't spoken in almost a month now even though we live in the same house, we just ignore each other. I know if I try to communicate she'll blow up again, so I just live with it.My family is really excited for me to graduate, since I am the first of my generation/first grandchild to graduate from college. I had a lot of trouble both in high school and college, but I managed to earn enough scholarships to earn basically a full ride. My uncles and some relatives are flying in from out of state to come to the ceremony. My grandparents want to have a lunch after the ceremony with my family, and I told them that I didn't want my mother to come to either the ceremony or the lunch- but they got upset at me and told me I should include her, despite what she told me. I feel like I would be TA because she is, sadly, still my mother, and I don't want to upset my grandparents by not extending an invitation. The rest of my family doesn't know about what happens in the house, so I don't want to upset them either. But I also feel like I should stand my ground for once. WIBTA? | WIBTA if I don't let my mother come to my graduation? | NTA |
10wo9dx | I (18, F) met a friend online (16, F) about two years ago. We started out by writing a story together, but as time went on, we became closer and actually became friends. About a year after we met, she confessed that her mother can be nasty sometimes. (I could relate to her on certain levels because my mother has a hot temper so I do know what it's like to be depressed and live with constant anxiety. This is one of the things that drew us so close in the first place.)I've tried to always be there for her, I've constantly reassured her that she's pretty and smart and amazing just the way she is, her mother's issues aren't her fault and she's not responsible for her mother's emotions.Her mother is now trying to get her to seek professional help from a psychologist, but my friend keeps saying psychologists are paid to pretend like they care. She also says all doctors are dumb and her google searches are better at giving her answers. She does online schooling, refuses to get a job and lately it's been irritating me so much to hear her complain about feeling sick. I understand it's very difficult to do everyday tasks when battling mental illness (I'm speaking from personal experience) but it irritates me because I feel like she's using her anxiety as a convenient excuse to get out of all her responsibilities.This makes me feel like I'm a horrible person.Am I the asshole? | AITA for being tired and irritated with an online friend? | NTA |
10wjjvx | I unfortunately live with my sibling who already has a german sheperd husky mix that defecates in the house often and now he brought home another dog. I have a cat and she absolutely hates his dog and now that theres going to be two dogs I am worried that it would stress her out too much. I recently discovered she has Chronic kidney disease and I just want her to be able to live the rest of her life peacefully without being chased by two untrained dogs. After yelling at him that it wasn't okay for him to get another dog without even telling me he didn't listen and said he already got the dog and he isn't going to take it back, so I told our mother. She got extremely angry at him and threatened to take him off the lease. He acted as if I were in the wrong. I admit I might have overreacted at first but I don't think he should just get away with doing this, I already expressed my concerns with his first dog he got that my cat doesn't like other animals and yet he got the most hyper and high maintenance dog and never trained it. | AITA for telling on my sibling for buying and bringing home a dog behind my back without permission? | NTA |
10wf9rq | We are both \~20M. I have been friends with him over a year. He is pretty much a 4chan edgelord. I used to browse 4chan too but I stopped while he is still associating with that crowd. Even after he said he wants to leave that 'phase'. Within the time I've known him, he has posted extremely edgy content to groupchats and scared people off, he has not acted super morally in his relationships, he has backstabbed me and manipulated me and others. Early in the relationship he would make fun of my skin tone and ethnicity a lot. I am not one to get mad at insensitive jokes so I accepted it for a while but soon it just started to hurt and feel wrong and I got pissed at him and a lot of other things he did. I got strawmanned a lot for that. We have been on and off as friends. Recently I had been avoiding him but he apologized for a lot of stuff so I decided maybe I should give him another chance but... he hasn't really changed even though he vocally claims so. In that we got into an argument and he threw out the n word again, not really to hurt me just to be edgy but the edginess is just a little overwhelming to me. I typed in 'n\*\*\*\*r' into the discord search (checks all mentions of that word) and I just have a list of all the times he has said in the n word (in text, besides the times he has said stuff like that in person or vc). I have been honestly considering sending it to his college. Would I be the asshole for making his comments public? | WIBTA for telling my "friend's" school about his racism? | NTA |
10wgflp | I (30 f) cut contact almost 10yrs ago and have not talked to her since she chose drugs over me and my kid. My gma has maintained contact and told me my mom wants to get in touch with me and promised shes sober. My mom thinks I need to be the one to reach out first. Considering what shes done I dont agree. Im hesitant to believe shes drug free. Ive been missing my mom from before drugs. She was the type that everyone at school wanted to have, the fun cool parent that let me do whatever I wanted as long as I stayed safe. We used to stay up late renting horror movies, playing video games or exploring surrounding deserts late at night.When I was around 10 my mom started smuggling people and drugs across the border. She started using meth during and would smoke it in the house. During her runs she would be gone for days and leave me home alone with her Gfs 5/3 yr old with no electricity, little food, or running water. I missed a lot of school and started to hallucinate. She got caught and when she didnt come home, I called my gma and begged her to come get me. They get me and thats when we found out she had been arrested by border patrol and then took custody of me. Mom spent 3 years in jail. She promised to get me once she was out. She got out and things were amazing. She was promising me a better life for us. That was a lie. She manipulated me to resent my gparents telling me they refuse to let her take me. I didnt find out until years later that it was my mom who told my gma she didnt want custody. I turn 18 so I move into a shitty trailer with my mom. Then drugs once again. We get evicted and now im homeless for the next 2 yrs and any money I earn is spent on my mom while Im house hopping or sleeping in my car. If I didnt give her money, shed scream, belittle, and guilt trip me. She then tries getting me to marry some kid from Mexico for money. Unrelated I become pregnant, still homeless, and dad has run off. When Im 6 months preggo she claims she found a place for us to stay. Turns out she told a 67 yr man Id be with him sexually in return to stay on his property. I was unaware and refused his advances so he kicked us outWhile Im giving birth, she refuses to show up even though shes 5 miles away. She gets mad when I start to refuse to help her since my child is now top priority and sends me long nasty txts and thats the last Ive heard of her. I recently found out who my dad was. Hes an amazing man and loving father to 2 other girls. Were in contact and he feels horrible for not knowing about me. Now I feel bitter for missing out on a loving parent for the past 30 yrs. I also used to despise anyone who did drugs, especially parents. Now that Ive been educated on addiction Im no longer ignorant and can sympathize and realize that people DO recover and change which is why Im torn. I want to forgive her and reach out but I cant. AITA for not making first contact and forgiving her? | AITA for not contacting my mom? | NTA |
10we21q | My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and he has a cat that I basically adopted as my own. When we first met, he had his own house, car, and two jobs, and I thought he was the most responsible guy out there (relative to the men who live around here). Being with him became like an escape from my own home situation because my roommate at the time didn't potty train her dog. I couldn't stand being at our apartment because there would be huge piles of poop everywhere, and she wouldn't clean it right away. His poop would stain the carpet, and the apartment smelled horrible. I stayed in my room most of the time, but the smell became so unbearable. I would clean up as much as I can, but it just felt gross being in there. I found myself over at my boyfriend's house more often, and I would confide in him about how stressed and anxious I was regarding my living situation. Not being able to be in a home that I was paying for was really frustrating. When our lease ended, my boyfriend wanted me to move in with him, and it was nice for a while. It was nice to be able to breathe in my own home. After a few months, our cat started pooping on the carpet, and I figured maybe her litterbox needed to be cleaned more often. It didn't help, and after a while she started peeing on the carpet, too. I became more and more anxious and didn't want to have people over because of the smell. No matter how much we cleaned and used an enzyme cleaner for her pee, it would not slow her down. I tried to do some research, and we even brought her to the vet because we thought she might be having health issues. Vet says she's fine and that it could just be a behavioral issue. My boyfriend says it could be because before he met me he took in a stray cat who would do the same and she started following him. He ran away, but she never stopped. Apparently, she's been doing this, and I just hadn't noticed until the smell started building up. This made me mad. He knew what I was dealing with and wanted me to move in with him still?! This was all stressing me out, and so I told him I'm thinking about moving out and getting my own place. He got mad and said we would just be moving backwards in our relationship, and we wouldn't be saving any money. He said we should move into a place that only has wooden floors, so it would be easier to clean up. That just pissed me off even more. I don't want her to be peeing outside her litter box in the first place! I cannot handle this anymore. I love our cat so much, but I feel like this whole situation is just not good for me mentally. I feel trapped. AITA? | AITA for wanting to leave because of my boyfriend's cat? | NTA |
10w7lbv | Me (24) and my partner (32) have been living together for around a two years. We split all the housework equally but I usually do the cooking.Today I was super exhausted, I even stayed home from my after school extra job for feeling too tired to do anything. My partner has been home with me all day, and not done any of the things they said they would, which is fine since I know they will do it later.However, they fell asleep on the couch, still fine with me, and I started cooking dinner. When dinner was done I called them to come and eat and they remembered that they had to run a important errand, which I understand they can’t postphone, and the store was closing soon, but I just feel like since it was so important they should have done it earlier today and not right when we were about to eat.Also usually, every day when I cook, I will tell them something like "Dinner will be done in 5 minutes" and they come into the kitchen 3 minutes later and start like feeding their dog, which always results in me having to wait for them to be done.I just feel like they don't prioritize my cooking or being done in time to eat, but maybe I am being unfair, so AITA? | AITA for feeling my cooking is taken for granted? | NTA |
10wl8hz | My nana and mom are older. My nana is 86 and she has severe scoliosis- she has lost three inches of her height to it. My mom is 64 and she has spondilolisis. Both of them suffer from back pain pretty severely. This limits what we can do because walking is hard for the both of them. I suggested me going to Dallas alone for spring break so I can go to the aquarium and the galleria. I wanted to go without my mom and nana so I could go and do without having to worry about people hurting… I think that hurt her feelings and she doesn’t want me to go alone because the world is unsafe… I think I messed up. There was a shooting in my neighborhood that has freaked my mother out about the safety of the world; she doesn’t want me to be alone in Dallas which I get, but I’m 24 and I’m smart about safety in public spaces. AITA for this spring break suggestion? | AITA for asking to go on spring break alone? | NTA |
10wl8a8 | English is not my first language, so I apologize for lot errors. I don't know if I was asshole for the way I blew up but my wife think so. My (59m) wife Ann (52f) is amazing and I'm not saying this because I'm burying the lede here. She's amazing and that's a fact, no if or buts. However, her being amazing is a problem here or rather lack of sense of her own value as a person is the problem here.In my early twenties, my first wife (Eli) passed away. Then after awhile, I met Ann and now we're nearly sixteen years strong together. Few nights ago I was feeling down and Ann suggested I should hang out with my friends to cheer up. I thought it was good idea until I got blackout drunk. I don't remember this but my friends called her to pick me up and they told me that I kept calling her "Eli" and using old pet names and I kept weeping over her, telling Ann "I miss you, Eli, that if there was another life, I still would pick you over everyone."Here's the thing, after that day, I woke up hungover and she didn't act different. She was still her sweet, happy self. She even gave me painkiller, kissed me and told me that she hoped I would feel better but that it was okay if I didn't before she left. I wouldn't thought anything was different until my friend called me to scold me out for how I treated to Ann. To say I was shocked was understatement. When Ann came back from work, I immediately apologized, I told her that I didn't mean it and I'll do anything because she's the most important person in my life. She seemed to be confused at first but after I clarified few things she just shrugged off and said that she knew I meant it but it was ok. I was flabbergasted at her attitude and I disagreed. It wasn't ok. It's shitty way to compare her to someone or to say that I'll pick my late wife over her. Ann agreed with this but she wasn't particularly bothered with it. She knew long time ago that I loved Eli more than her but it didn't matter. I got angry at this and I said how could she be calm about this because if the table were turned, I'll be crushed. I remember yelling her that does she see herself so little? That she didn't have any self worth at all? I said that she should know she's amazing person, loving wife and she means so much to me but her response so frightening because it makes me think she believes she's second fiddle, like an afterthought. I don't remember much after this because the conversation went off rails and I ended sleeping in the guest room. This morning she told me I was AH for this outlook and left for work. I just want her know that I was wrong for saying that night about Eli and I want Ann to see I love her so much and I want her love herself too. The fact that she doesn't value herself makes me feel so sad. | AITA for yelling my wife about her self worth? | YTA |
10wew3e | Hellos! So I'm a grad student in my final year of Masters in Civil Engineering, and there's this one student in class who answers every. single. question asked by a student. Like if I ask the instructor a question, he will actually interrupt her and answer my question for me. There's only 4 students in the class, so it's not like the instructor, let's call her Dr. A, needs any help with managing the class. Dr. A is shy and timid and just let's him interrupt her. It's gotten to the point where if any other student asks a question, she'll just sigh and look at him while he responds. The last straw was on Friday when I asked Dr. A a question, and this guy literally got out of his seat in the middle of class and came to my desk and moved my computer towards him to look at my work. I didn't like how he came up in my personal space, or looked at my work when he had the same assignment to work on. I pulled my computer back, moved my seat so that I could see the instructor (coz he was now blocking my view) and called the instructor by name before asking my question again. He didn't get the hint and just answered the question a second time! He didn't even give me the correct answer as I found out once I stayed after class to ask Dr. A privately. To give him credit, he does answer some questions correctly, but sometimes not and his explaining isn't all that great. Plus I pay a lot in tuition for this class and to learn from someone with experience and a PhD (he happens to be the only undergrad in the class). Don't think it's an understatement when I say every single question, because it is literally every single question and he will even butt into conversations after class (and even tried to comment on an assignment for a different class because he didn't realize it wasn't the same class he was in). I don't feel safe asking questions in class anymore, because either he'll answer incorrectly and I'll be more confused or he'll actually answer correctly, which makes me feel a little belittled. He does answer some questions in a more condescending kind of way and I am already shy and lack self esteem. It's like the instructor doesn't run her own class! I'm tempted to, next time just look him the eyes and say "Thank you for your help, but I asked Dr. A." WIBTA?Tldr: In a class of 4, one student constantly interrupts the teacher to answer other students questions and even gets up during class to look at thier work and 'help'. I want say something to him. | WIBTA if I called another student out during class? | NTA |
10w9pmp | Ok so lmk if I'm in the wrong here. I've always been an open book, I don't hide and have always found talking to trusted people about my problems better than running it in my head. My stbx is the complete opposite. Never talks about his issues, feelings etc which is part of why we are in this situation.Every yr we have the same issues, I ask for counselling, he says no, makes promises, doesn't fulfill and then it blows up and he always says he wants a separation. Then he says he was just mad and the cycle starts over. The last time it happened I said don't say it unless you mean it. This time, he said it and I agreed.Now, instead of falling back into the same cycle, i told a select few people (our immediate families, his bff wife who is also my friend and a cousin of his, the school to be aware of any behavioral changes in the kids). Keep in mind, I just moved to his hometown and have no friends of my own here.There were 2 reasons I did this: 1, because I had all sorts of emotions and needed to talk to someone and 2, so there's no turning back as i know i would flip flop and question my decision. Voicing it out made it real for me, which is what i felt i needed to do.I've been getting all sorts of backlash and anger from his side of the family berating me for telling people when no papers have been signed yet etc.I don't think I did anything wrong at all but let me know if I did. | AITA for disclosing our divorce to mutual people? | NTA |
10wnpit | my gf, jenna, has a guy friend, dan, that she would hang out with alongside her friend group and i thought nothing of it at first but fast forward a few weeks, we went through a breakup(unrelated to dan) and got back together after a month, and i found out that during that period jenna had a crush on dan and hung out with him alone a few times including sneaking out at night. i saw messages of her referring to him sexually to her friends and that rly made my stomach turn. worst part is that she liked him for the “cute” things he did while we were dating as well. she didn’t tell me any of this, and had planned to continue talking to him while we’re dating. this rly messed with me and i feel sick to the stomach every time i think of it especially cuz i thought this would never happen. i confronted her about this and she apologized several times while reassuring me that nothing happened between her and dan. i believe her but i honestly can’t see them the same anymore and so i told her she shouldn’t talk to guys she used to like while we’re dating, but she argued otherwise and told me to get a therapist so i can get over it. after a lot of fighting she said she’d stop talking to him, only to talk to him behind my back, get herself posted by him, get each other gifts, and other little things that poke at my wound, and then said “i never wanted to stop talking to him anyways” as a justification. | AITA for not wanting my gf to talk to a guy she liked? | NTA |
10wrhgz | I live with my partner of 10+ years. Sometimes when I’m in a bad mood, really small things will irritate the heck out of me. For example, last night, my partner decided to wear one of my shirts (partner regularly wears my shirts, it’s fine). They were eating, and got mustard all over my shirt. I could feel myself getting upset, and I like to be honest about how I’m feeling even if I know it’s not logical. So I said something like “I know this isn’t important but this is really bothering me.” I must’ve been really hungry or tired for this to bother me, but it really did - even though I know that’s not fair. I tried my best to just explain what I was feeling without making it more of a big deal or blaming them.My partner understood, but I think I made them feel bad, even though that wasn’t my intention. In the future, I’d like to be able to handle these situations without making my partner feel bad, but still being honest about my feelings. For some more information, small things have always bothered me. Little noises, etc. I am very aware that these little things are my problem, not other peoples, but for whatever reason I am easily upset sometimes. Usually I just need 2 or 3 minutes on my own to deal with it and then I’m good to go. That’s my way of dealing with this problem that I have. My partner knows this, and does their best not to be hurt. But I’m worried that I could find a better way to deal with small problems. Should I fully removed myself from the situation without saying anything and then just come back when I’m ready? Or is that dishonest, and I should keep being honest about my feelings even when I know they are irrational?Thanks for your help. | AITA for getting upset about really small things? | NTA |
10wd91v | So just recently my parents and aunt and uncle went out to dinner to celebrate my aunts birthday and neither me or my younger cousin (14f) were invited to the dinner so my mom suggested me (20f) and my cousin go to dinner just the two of us. That was fine with me but I had already invited my friend up for the weekend and she’s vegan so I had to ask if she was ok with going to dinner with my cousin and where is a good place for all of us to eat. She suggested a place we’ve been before and I liked and she had no problem going out to dinner. (I’d like to put it out there that since she’s vegan, I have absolutely no food at my house for us to eat so we were going to go out to eat anyways) anyways she gets to my house and then she said to me “So do I have to pay for my dinner?”And I said “Uhh yeah?” Genuinely confused.And then she goes “So I was invited to dinner and I have to pay for myself…ok”Like yeah… ?I’m wondering if I’m the asshole because when I said this story to my friend she didn’t say anything and now I’m confused. I truly can’t think of a situation in which you’d pay for someone’s dinner unless it was a date or like a celebration or maybe a business meeting. Otherwise offering. I am broke I can barely afford to eat out I made the exception for my younger cousin cause it was important but is this the type of situation you’d pay for someone? To me she sounds very entitled and I was very shocked she even suggested it. It never crossed my mind.So am I the asshole?Edit: I think some of you may be taking it more seriously than it was. This was two friends going out to dinner. We were going out regardless since she’s vegan and we can’t eat at home but since I was the one who brought it up, she expected me to pay. We go out to eat everytime she comes to visit and we never pay for eachother. I did not say anything along the lines of “do you wanna come to dinner with me and my cousin?” It was more like “where are some good places to eat today and do you mind if my cousin joins cause she’s alone today for dinner” sorry for any confusion 😭 | AITA for not paying for my friend for dinner? | NTA |
10wec3r | A few months back my mom's car broke and she was waiting for the parts to arrive.A few days became a few weeks became 3 months...We live in a rural part of the country but I live in the town my mom lives in a tiny village.I have public transport and friends, my mom has herself. So I agreed to loan her my car until hers was fixed, I would get it back on the weekends to go do my thing, she would keep it through the week for work etc. Recently my car has experienced some problems and now looks like I'll need to replace some parts of the cooling system.My mom's car is now getting repaired, and my own is due for its annual checks, so I'll get these issues fixed while it's in.Speaking to her this evening I mentioned, half jokingly, that I'll split the bill for my car, she immediately got very upset by this. She is struggling financially but I'm not exactly flush with cash either, she has probably put in 3 months the same milage I put on in 6. And given these issues have come up while she's driving I can't help but feel she is kind of responsible for them.So Reddit, AITA for expecting her to pay what I feel is her fair share, or am I being an entitled asshole? | AITA for expecting my mom to pay for some of my car repairs? | YTA |
10wrfz4 | Some background:So a few months ago I got a promotion. I was given the task of fixing a completely broken process for the bank and only given one resource.Until we could automate the process, we were going mad as we worked from 7:20 am well into the night to make sure we don't miss any branch requests.We had to go through the pain until we automated the process. My colleague and I were going insane. I asked for a temporary resource, and I was given an employee who was on the verge of being fired. She complained to me, and i told her that if she believes she's good, I'll back her to the hilt as long as she proves herself. I always defend my team anyway.The problems started almost immediately. Whenever I'd ask her to complete a task, she'd throw a fit. She would scream at me that she's carrying the entire load and that I was doing nothing. Bear in mind I was working so hard I lost almost 5% of my weight within a month of shifting jobs. It got so bad that I asked for her to be removed from the team, and her line manager is slow walking the process. So last month, I stopped engaging with her. Now, my reportee thinks I'm an asshole.Bear in mind I later learned that this employee has complained about every manager she ever had and said that they made sexual advances towards her. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Which is extremely unlikely. I also noticed that she doesn't take feedback well at all, even when I'm very careful and sandwich the negative feedback with good feedback.AITA? | AITA, I stopped talking to a colleague | NTA |
10wrdyp | So myself (M27) and my wife (F26) have been in the process of buying a new car, since we are thinking of starting a new family, so we opted for a mid-sized SUV to future proof us in the case we have a few kids and need places to seat them. We having been looking for a few months and I have said that I will pledge $35,000 for the car and she said she will cover the rest up to $20,000 (This is all in Australian Dollars by the way). So she quite liked the look of one model of hyundai, which was going for about $47,000 ish dollars but I liked the look of a KIA sportage ($54,000\~), now both of these cars we took for a test drive and both agreed had their certain pro's and con's. I liked the entertainment system the KIA offered, but she liked the way the seats felt in the hyundai, I said I liked the overall build of the KIA while she said she liked the way the sound system sounded in the hyundai. I said that I would like to buy the KIA, and she said she wanted to buy the hyundai, I said that since I paid the majority of the bill I should be able to make a final say on which car we buy if it's between 2 models. My wife said that it would be more economic if we bought the cheaper one, but I said that a cheaper model of the KIA (similar to the price of the hyundai, albeit about $2000 more expensive) still had all the functions that I liked in the more expensive one but still said she wanted to go for the other car. There is also a huge wait time on the specific model of car that she was interested in (Between 6 months and 18 months) whilst we could drive away with either model of KIA suv's the day we bought them.I told her that since I was contributing the majority of the money to they car I had the final say, she said I was being an ass for the sake of it and that we didn't need the extra features, despite the fact her most important pro's of her car were that the seats were more comfortable (I disagree). AITA? | AITA for buying the car I wanted because I was paying a bigger share? | YTA |
10wahre | Me (19M) and my friend (20M) are both in college. Currently he’s working at a grocery store and told me he wanted to quit his job so he can make money off his artwork. He said he planned to quit at the start of summer and then start making money from commissions on twitter. He told him that was a bad idea considering that AI has become such a big thing. He said it’s fine and that he actually wanted to work with AI for inspiration. I argued that by saying that AI just does the whole job. He got mad telling me he’d been working on improving in art for almost a year.I kept telling him to at least not quit his job but he was dead set on doing so. After that I blew up telling him that he probably won’t even make any money considering that he’s pretty much a amateur. I said “Why would anyone pay for your art when a AI could do it better than you!”. He got quite then didn’t say anything. After a few days he said he’d given up on Art completely. Am I the asshole? | AITA for Killing my friend’s dream. | YTA |
10wrd9s | My (27) bf (28) has been planning a surprise outing for our birthday. Originally he didn't think I would be able to plan something for his birthday (our birthdays are less than 2 weeks apart) because I'm a SAHM and don't have any money. I saved from Christmas and random side jobs and invited his friends out for dinner and to play pool (it's something he's really into but hasn't been able to do since we had a baby). His friend ended up paying for dinner and my bf ended up paying for a few of his drinks. I was DD so I didn't have many. Anyways, I found out what he has been planning and it's to go trap-shooting with his friend and his friends girlfriend that I met at his party. She was super cool and everything... but it's different than being with my own friends. I know initially it was supposed to be for both of us, and previously I mentioned I'd like to try trapshooting some day when he asked me if I wanted to try it months ago after he went with his friends. I feel bad because he seems so excited to go and I'm kind of dreading it because after being in the army, firearms make me feel kind of anxious, not too badly, but enough that I'm nervous. I haven't ever told him this because we've never gone to any range together so it's never really come up. I don't have the heart to tell him I don't want to go because he reminded me its for both our birthdays. He planned that for the morning but didn't plan anything for after. I feel like an asshole for not feeling appreciative of him wanting to take me to do this. So AITA? | AITA for not feeling appreciative of the birthday event my bf planned? | NTA |
10wkn0k | Well. Title says it all. I (31, AFAB) don’t want to wear a dress to a formal wedding.I understand this is not my day. I have been in multiple weddings, have worn dresses in all of them, and counted down the seconds until I could change. I don’t like dresses. I don’t like skirts. I never have. I am tired of spending time and money doing things I hate and make me uncomfortable.I asked my brother (33) and his fiancée (26) if it mattered if I wore a dress to their wedding.She responded first; she doesn’t care what I wear as long as I’m clothed and not wearing a wedding dress.He asked me what I meant because I knew it’s a formal event.I clarified that I’m going to wear a suit.This wedding is special to me. The people are special to me. I don’t want to remember how uncomfortable I was when I see the pictures. I’m not cheaping out on this suit. I’ve booked an appointment at haberdashery and I’m preparing to spend hundreds of dollars on a picked-by-a-trained-professional-to-look-good-on-me, tailored suit with accoutrements. I’d do my hair in a feminine way and wear makeup so I wouldn’t look completely masculine. I would make sure the colors and style for everything would be appropriate for this wedding. I will look (and feel) amazing.He doesn’t see it that way. He wants me to wear a dress. He knows dresses make me uncomfortable. He suggested a compromise; wear a dress for photos and change after the ceremony. (It’s not feasible. Plus I don’t want to that.)FWIW I’m not part of the groomsman’s or bridal party. Just a guest.So WIBTA if I wore a tailored suit to the wedding and refused to wear a dress? | WIBTA If I refuse to wear a dress at a formal wedding? | NTA |
10wrcu2 | This is my first post on Reddit, so I apologise if the way I proceed to describe the following events is unsuitable. I have a very strong experiential memory, so I shall describe what happened with as much precision as possible, without including too much detail. Last Friday, I (M 17) was standing in the kitchen, texting my friend (F 17). My mother (F 51) walked into the room, whereupon she asked, 'Who are you talking to?' 'My friend,' I responded. 'Which friend?' 'You don't know her.' 'Her? What are you talking about, exactly?' 'I'm telling her about A. J. Ayer and logical positivism.' However, before I was able to finish my sentence, with celerity, she reached over and snatched my phone out of my hands, walking to the other side of the room. 'Don't lie to me,' she said, with a degree of contempt I deemed unjustifiable. 'I'm not lying,' I replied, walking towards her. I saw her scrolling vigorously through all of my WhatsApp chats. 'Why are you doing this?' I asked, frustrated. 'Who are all these people?' she responded, ignoring my question. Usually, I tolerate this type of behaviour from family; however, at this point, I was too irked to care about potentially upsetting my mother. Therefore, I reached over from behind her and grabbed my phone back, walking out of the kitchen and towards the stairs, intending on staying in my room. 'You're so intrusive,' I said whilst walking away. My mother did not respond.​Since that day, she has been refusing to talk to me; as a result, I feel utterly awful. AITA? | AITA for calling my mother intrusive for snatching my phone out of my hands as I was messaging my friend? | NTA |
10wfd1a | So, I(17F) and all of my siblings(21F and 15M) share locations with each other for the sole purpose of tracking each other's phones if we were to lose them. Nothing else, nothing more. However, my sister and I got into a pretty nasty argument about an hour ago because when I got home from school I called my sister just to make sure we were still gonna go see this local band this weekend and just to talk to her. While we were talking, my sister brought uo something along the lines of her checking my location to "throw my mom off of my scent." I was shocked and upset because I just felt like that's an invasion of privacy, but she said that she only checked my location because my mom would constantly call her asking where I am, and if she saw that I was at my boyfriend's house, she would tell my mom that i was with her to give me a couple of hours without my mom blowing up my phone. Regardless of the reasoning, I just feel as though it's a weird and intrusive thing. So I snapped at her, and we got into an argument.It was a pretty bad argument. It ended with my sister hanging up on me and not picking up any further calls from me. My brother ended up finding out what happened via my sister and said that I was "being stupid and an asshole" because my sister was just trying to cover for me. I know she was covering for me, but what she did still makes me feel uneasy, AITA? | AITA for blowing up at my sister for checking my location? | YTA |
10wkj7o | Of course there's a backstory to this, but suffice to say, a very close friend of mines dog passed away, unexpectedly. I loved this dog very much a was heartbroken when he died. In fact, I went over to her house in the middle of the night after a hysterical phone call. My husband has never liked this friend of mine and feels she's too needy, and I've given her enough already. We are not struggling financially at all, and the sum borrowed was under $200. I didn't think twice about lending her the money, though I knew my husband would be angry. I just didn't tell him, but he noticed the transaction that same day, and was of course, angry. Am I the asshole for loaning her this money, given the circumstance? I mean, I loved this dog too and have been in tears for days. | AITA for paying for my friend's dog to be cremated without asking my husband? | YTA |
10wnaqj | Ok that probably sounds weird let me explain. I'm(F24) a music major and I've been in this choir 3 semesters not counting current and it's a choir club so it has a leadership council. As of last semester I became the president. The leadership before hand was absolutely garbage, and the second part of that year we lost half our members cause no one cared.When I became president I really wanted members to be happy to be there and bond while building our community presence too. I and 2 other council members managed to get our social media going again, build our "brand", get recruitment up, and I essentially single handedly planned a catered hot chocolate reception for after our winter gala where all 6 choirs in the program perform and 100s of people come to watch. I'm not trying to brag I just am really proud of what we've been able to do with bringing this choir basically back from the dead in 1 semesterOk so that's the context now the name thing. There are 2 choir clubs one which is high voices(us) and the other is low voices. I'll call us Sun Performers and the other we'll call Continuous Bass. The Bass choir has never bothered with the club aspect of their group btw. Our new department director has found that incoming students get confused by the names cause they don't read the description(how is that our fault?) so they want us to join under one name (we'd still be separate groups) and just have students sign up for either the Bass or Treble version and that would be our new brand . The options presented were either rename entirely or have them come under our name. I know this might be petty but I really don't want either of those. We've worked hard to get our name to mean something again,got a logo commissioned for it, want to get Tshirts etc. with it, and the members pretty much all said they love the name I don't want that to be for nothing by changing it entirely. But the real thing is that I don't want them to come under our name because they've done none of the hard work to get us where we are now but then will adjacently get credit, and we are a choir entirely of women and non-binary members. I'm not really keen on a group of primarily men being associated with what we have built to uplift and empower us and be something to have to ourselves for once. They wouldn’t psychically be joining us but it still feels like an invasion of the space we've created for us because they'll now be tied to everything we do.I do love them and love collaboratin but still having something that's ours alone. When I talked to our director he said that was valid and he's thinking about other possibilities instead. But I got some pushback from a few members saying "it's just a name who cares"or that I don't want to share because of my ego. So idk am I being too petty and an AH? | AITA for not wanting to combine choir names? | NTA |
10wgr5w | I (17F) have a friend (16F) , let's call her Petal. Petal and I have been friends for a few months and I recently invited her to a party i was throwing. Petal was very touchy with me and way too close for comfort. She also kept kissing my hands and overall i felt uncomfortable by it. I decided to bring it up to her. I texted her saying it made me uncomfortable and that it wasn't a big deal I just didn't want her to do it again. She apologized in a way that she wanted me to feel bad saying stuff like "im sorry you feel that way." implying she doesn't think she did anything wrong. but i brushed passed it and told her it was entirely okay, I wasn't mad or anything.Moving on, she then sent a long paragraph about how much i hurt her for what I said and that she thought of me like family and didn't expect this from me. She tried to gaslight and manipulate me into thinking im the one in the wrong. She then said she told me all of this so i would be prepared when i see her saying she would be "mean" and "hateful" towards me.I then straight up said that if SHE was implying she was gonna be mean and hurtful to me because she made me uncomfortable that we're not gonna be friends anymore. Then she started texting dry and was pissed off at me. I said it didn't make sense that she's mad at me because she made me uncomfortable and I didn't feel sorry for something that wasn't on me.The thing is, this is her whole personality. She is a narcissistic person and doesn't think she can do wrong. She always tries to blane others for something she did and never takes responsibility. TLDR; My narcissistic friend tried to gaslight me into thinking im in the wrong after she made me uncomfortable.So my other friend, we'll call her Jamie texted me saying I needed to see it from Petal's perspective and that being angry and aggressive is just how Petal copes. I thought it was ridiculous because in not gonna lower myself to her level just because we're friends and she think she can walk all over me. I have enough self respect to not let her treat me like she does to her other friends. But now Petal and Jamie and mad at me and trying to make me feel like I did something wrong. It's incredibly stupid. I hate drama, and this is extremely childish and immature of them. They took a minor issue and completely blew it out if proportion. I really hate high school girl drama. | AITA For telling my friend I don't feel bad after hurting her feelings? | NTA |
10wctxx | My sister and I are both writing this AITA for giggles and for fairness I’m not going to tell you which one I am so you don’t make a judgement one way or the other! We’re sister A (19) and sister B (17). Sorry this isn’t as serious as lots of the other posts but we thought it was fun to see who you thought was the worst!Sister A has a birthday coming up on Feb 23rd. Sister A loves rollerblading and wants her birthday at the roller rink the weekend after, Sister B has already planned her birthday and sent out invites for the roller rink on the last weekend of March. They have a lot of mutual friends, family friends and close cousins. B thinks none of their mutual friends/cousins etc will come if they’ve all gone to the exact same party for A only a month earlier. Particularly as some are out of towners. And seeing as B planned hers first, she thinks she should be the one to get the party. A won’t budge because she says both of them are entitled to parties that they want. B thinks this is unreasonable because she will miss out even though A has been lazy in her planning. A thinks B is being the asshole for being entitled. B thinks A is being the asshole for being stubborn. B also thinks A’s birthday got priority treatment throughout their childhoods and thinks now A is an adult she should budge. AITA? | AITA for being a terrible sister and ruining a birthday? | NAH |
10wr6gn | So my oldest son is getting married this year. My sons soon to be mother in law has taken over planning the wedding. Without speaking any of the other parents (both sides are divorced so there's 4 sets of parents) she began planning the wedding then just told us all how much we are all expected to pay. This isn't the biggest issue though. She has a group text with her and I and my ex husbands wife for the wedding updates. A couple weeks ago she mentioned in the text that we would be having to pick out dresses because we would be walking our grandchildren down (they will be the flower girls and ring bearers) the aisle at the wedding. This was kind of strange to me as my ex husbands wife was in this text. This bothered me because I have no idea why she would be included in any of this. My ex and I divorced over 17 years ago because he was having an affair with this same woman who was just 18 at the time while my ex was almost 40. I left him while pregnant with my youngest son. The divorce ended up being one of the best things to happen to me as I am now married to an amazing man for 15 years and I am no longer with the womanizing, gaslighter I was married to. But regardless of that, why is his wife a part of this event other than as a guest. I spoke to my son about how I felt about it and he said he would make the change because he was never even asked if that was what he wanted at all either. As a side not this soon to be mother in law I'll call Karen and my exs wife who I'll call Maria have become friends due to social media and other events we have had for our children. Well my son spoke to his fiancé and Karen called me telling me "you should have told me you wouldn't be ok with it" I told her I would have had I been given the info before, so she decide to change it to all parents walking down the aisle as couples but she continues to make little remarks here and there about how much more chaotic it will be that she will still want to walk with the flower girls so she will walk down twice etc. today she sent a text in the group chat saying she has done this, that and the other for the wedding and that the guest list will be family ONLY and if we allow any others than we will have to do it for all and it will no longer be the small wedding we are paying for and that she is going to cut down a couple of the guests from her side. I know this was in reference to my youngest sons girlfriend who lives with us and is coming with us (the wedding is out of state) I don't think Thai should be an issue given the guest list from our side is 27 people and her side is 48. The text went on to say "Maria we will talk later about your hotel room situation, since I know Christie "me" is adamant about getting an air bnb, (she wanted us all to get rooms at a certain hotel) we decided not to since we are paying for part of the wedding, flying out, staying four days, will need a place to stay and transportation, also my family is close and we enjoy hanging out together so this is what will be best for us. Other than this she make petty snide remarks here and there all the time. I just feel as though I as the mother of the groom is the odd one out because she is recent bffs with Maria. She also called to let me know that the wedding venue will have a tour (it has a museum attached) during the cocktail hour and she must have reiterated at least 5 times "anyone that goes on the tour must be respectful!" "We need to make sure everyone is respectful while in the tour" "gotta be respectful during the tour" "we can't act out of line we have to be respectful on the tour" like my family is some sort of ghetto, disrespectful group with no manners or something! I feel like if I say anything at all or make a suggestion or even ask a question I am treated like I'm a trouble maker and she will say it's their wedding, no one's opinion matters (except hers I guess) since I spoke up about having Maria as a part of the wedding, I am now labeled a troublemaker! I am the type of person to bend over backwards for everyone I care about, I shut my mouth and do whatever I can to make them happy, and do whatever I can to always make people feel comfortable but the minute I say no or set boundaries or speak up I'm the worst person in the world and everything I have done before that moment is forgotten. I love my son and daughter in law and granddaughter so I will do anything to make them happy. But am I the asshole here? | AITA for being this upset? | NTA |
10wr3fy | My wife is all about eating healthy. We hardly ever get any junkfood.My daughter(11F) and I(M32) love junkfood so we've got a secret stash of things we like. Yesterday I went to get something to eat and decided to eat the last twixA few hours later my daughter went to get something to eat and she asked me where the last twix is. I said I ate it. She thinks I'm an asshole because twix is her favorite but I like it too why does she get all of it? And I'm the one paying.Meanwhile my wife found out about our secret and she thinks we are both assholes for going behind her back so I can't buy another chocolate for her and she is sulking now | AITA for eating my daughter's favorite chocolate? | YTA |
10wr18t | AITA for giving all my money?I have this kind of feeling to help people especially old people who don't have any resources. Now I don't have money left til I got my pay on friday. I think I can endure hunger for a few days. I just feel good when I help someone in need. | AITA for giving my only money 60$ to an old man asking donation on the street. | YTA |
10wk1eq | Hi reddit, sorry for the long post. this takes a lot of explanation. It's my first post, so please be nice hahah... Sorry if theres any formatting problems, I'm on mobile.I (21M) live with my parents (54M & 47F) and younger brothers, Chris (18M) and Caleb (9M).My maternal grandmother has been a problem in my family since what feels like the beginning of time. It blows my mind that she was still in my mom's life when I was born, let alone now after everything my grandma put her through. She's even a factor in my parents' recent separation, with my mom never cutting her off and my dad hating her, so I feel like they're too biased for me to go to them with this. I hope someone here can help.As well as being terrible and abusive to my mother since childhood, my grandma has been awful to me when it comes to two major aspects of my life for almost 8 years now. She's a covert narcissist who can do no wrong in her own eyes, and she has a terrible victim mentality that infuriates my entire family. I've been chronically ill with Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV) in my pericardium since I was 14. Every time it comes up, she does nothing but spout insensitive nonsense about how I should try harder. She tries to force feed me medicine I know nothing about, and basically calls me lazy for not doing enough, even when she knows I literally can't leave my bed without my medication (I've been on propranolol for 5 years.) I've also been out as transgender (FTM) since I was 16, and my brother Chris is also trans. My grandmother has made it hell for me every time we visit. The last time I saw her was at Christmas with my mom's family. The topic of my chosen name came up (I'm famously indecisive), and Caleb said my deadname in front of everyone. He's not old enough to remember ever using that name for me, but he sometimes sees it on my mail and I guess he got confused. Obviously, I forgave him immediately because he's only 9 and he's forgetful even though he's been taught better, but it still hurt. I quickly excused myself to go outside, because I didn't want to cause a scene by getting upset at the table in front of my extended family. I heard Chris jump to my defense and start scolding Caleb (somewhat gently) and explaining the issue to him as I left. I was feeling quite bad because hearing my deadname is a bit triggering for me, and it made me feel really upset and anxious.My grandma followed me outside and started to tell me how I need to get over it, and how my transition is "harder for everyone else" because they need to "deal with it", talking as if I was a burden on everyone. She also implied the same about Chris. She said I need to grow thicker skin because it's nothing compared to what the rest of the world will say about me (how the rest of the world will know I'm trans or know how to deadname me is beyond me, but whatever.) I wanted to call her out on her BS, because I was only upset from hearing my own family member say my deadname, and I really don't care what others say, but I started crying instead and I couldn't face the argument. She also commented multiple times on my insecurities which she has done for years.She told me she knows how I feel because she's changed her name before (because she felt like it), as if it's the same as having to shift your entire identity just to be happy, because you feel miserable in your own skin. She has no idea how it feels, but she refuses to accept it no matter how many times, and in how many different ways my mom tries to explain it to her. She doesn't care to learn and she doesn't even mind anyone's feelings when she speaks. I texted Chris what happened and he and my mom were irate and made sure to leave ASAP without arguing with her. My dad didn't attend, but he was furious when I told him.Since my teenage years, I've witnessed my grandmother doing nothing but cause grief for my parents and now she's doing the same for me. Unlike my mom I don't want to endure this for the rest of my life, or however long she's around. I dread seeing her because I leave upset every single time and her words have stayed with me for months. I have loved her and cared about her opinion for the longest time and it's tearing me apart. As the oldest sibling, I'm the most emotionally mature of all my siblings. I can take this if I have to, but I'm worried that Chris won't be able to. He's not as strong as I am emotionally, and he has some serious trauma that I don't have. He's already faced discrimination in the workforce (because of his transition but also because of being biracial) and afterwards he was worse than I've seen him in years. I'm scared that he will be more affected by this kind of treatment than I am. I know that if I take the lead as the oldest and be the first one to cut her off, then Chris will feel more comfortable doing so if he wants to, because he tends to follow my example. It would help to limit his contact with her (he struggles setting his own boundaries) and protect him from also experiencing the things she's said to me.Lately, Chris' childhood best friend Sirius(17M) has also started living with us. He's like a little brother to me and we've known him since he was born. He's the sweetest kid ever. He is also a trans guy and will start his transition soon, and is much more sensitive than either of us because of past trauma. He has a lot going on and I do NOT want to expose him to my grandma's BS under any circumstances, especially because she fits right in with his biological family who he is deliberately staying away from. I want to protect him with everything I have, but if he continues to be a part of our family the way he is now, then he will be exposed to her in the future unless I set a boundary now for all three of us. I think I might be the a-hole because my grandma hasn't done anything extreme like a lot of the posts here and it's set my bar pretty high for what's acceptable to cut people off for. She has been in my life since I was born and was a positive influence in my childhood, and has taken care of me a lot despite her shortcomings, even housing me during the week while I was in high school up until I got sick at 14. I don't know if she would understand what she did wrong if I just never spoke to her again, even though I haven't talked to her since Christmas, but then again she never knows what she's done even when she's being awful. I've been debating it for months and ignoring her texts, but I feel bad because she was good to me when I was younger, and she's always referred to me affectionately as the kid who made her a grandma. When I see her, I feel bad for hating her, up until she said something else which destroys me for months. Of course I wish I could just talk to her and explain how to improve the situation and work with her on it, but she takes this kind of conversation as an attack on her character and refuses to listen. My mom's attempts over the years have proven to me that anything I say will fall on deaf ears and I'm no longer willing to go through the stress of trying.Should I cut her off to protect myself and my siblings? Am I totally overthinking this? WIBTA? I have no idea what to do. I will probably have to see her again this month for my birthday unless I make up my mind.Please help. | WIBTA If I Cut Off Contact With My Grandma? | NTA |
10wg2yo | For context, my (26M) roommate J (25M) are really good friends and have known each other since college for about 7 years now, and about a year ago me, J, and one other roommate A (23M) decided to move in together. We all get along great, we hang out together, make plans together... etc. There is no animosity between any of us.So few weeks ago my roommate J came to us and said one of his work friends wanted to throw her birthday party at our house since our house is pretty huge. I don't know his work friends, I've briefly met her once but our conversation was very casual and wasn't long. When he told me both me and my other roommate said we don't have any issues with it as long as they clean up after. And that we will be at the party too since it's our house. Roommate A had to leave out of town that day so he said he can't make it. But when the day came I helped my roommate clean up around the house just to make it more presentable. At night they all went for dinner, and I was hoping they would start the party early (at 9 or so) so I could just interact with everyone for couple of hours and then go to bed early. But my roommate texted me at 1030 that they are going to be late. At that point I decided well I am pretty drained and don't really feel like being social so I told him I will skip out on the party. People started showing up at 12, I was in my room the whole time, since they were pretty loud I was up till 3AM when they all left, because I couldn't sleep. But I just stayed in my room and didn't come out. I didn't complain about the noise are anything as I figured well it's a party its going to be loud. Next day I was talking to my roommate and he said they were all asking about me since they could hear my tv as they were walking by to use my restroom and knew I was home. And he said I really should've just came out and interacted with his friends and not locked myself in. So reddit AITA for not attending a party thrown at my own house? Because I might've given the impression to everyone that I am purposely trying to avoid them, which wasn't my intention. | AITA for not attending a party my roommate threw at our house when I was still in the house? | NTA |
10wd5n2 | Recently I was invited by a friend to join him as a co-driver for a 2-day navigational rally event. This involves driving in off-road stages (up to 100km long) while following navigational directions and hitting checkpoints as close as possible to on time. *Edit for clarification:* This was sanctioned by an official rally organization on public, remote roads. The goal is to maintain average speeds between checkpoints which are set within public speed limits. This can however be difficult in the snow/ice. Going faster or slower results in a penalty.This was a first time for both of us so we were inexperienced. My friend offered the option of splitting our driving between stages, so that one of us wasn't doing the same thing for the entire event. I was nervous about driving my friend's car because "what if I crash it?" but he reassured me that it didn't matter since he bought it as a cheap beater and didn't intend on keeping it after the event.Most of the event went pretty well until I ended up losing control in a corner on the final stage and smacking the car into a guard rail. The steering/suspension was pretty messed up and one wheel was rubbing the fender. The side of the car also had quite a bit of body damage. We laughed it off because these things happen, we were the third car to go off the road, maybe better luck next time.We managed to limp the car to the next major town, where I used my roadside assistance coverage to call for a tow. I had the car inspected by a mechanic who informed us that the damage was repairable, but the labour could end up being pricey. The next day we had the car back at my friend's house.We discussed what's going to happen to the car - I looked up parts prices online and found out that the front end mechanical components were going to be really cheap ($35 for a new lower control arm, $8 for a new sway bar link, etc.) and there were junk yards nearby with donor cars that could be used for body parts. We'd be looking at a few hundred bucks in repairs if we performed the labour ourselves.However, my friend said he wants to wipe his hands clean of the car and get rid of it instead of dealing with the hassle of repairs, since he planned on selling it anyway. He decided he's going to make an insurance claim which will likely result in the car being written off due to its low value, so that he can get a payout from the insurance company.I pleaded with him not to make a claim and instead to allow me to make him whole. Where we live, insurance claims affect the driver, not the owner of the car. I already have an at-fault accident on my record and 2 accident claims in less than a year will result in my insurance rates skyrocketing, when I already pay almost $300/mo in insurance.I have offered to either fix the car or buy it outright for what he paid for it and any money he's put into it (around $2000 total) but he refuses because he's convinced that the insurance company will give him a big payout over market value. This however will be at the detriment of my accident record and insurance rates which will skyrocket for years to come, and he doesn't seem to care. AITA for insisting on settling out-of-pocket for the car? | AITA for wanting to settle outside insurance after crashing my friend's car? | NTA |
10w77p9 | My bf and I \[F23/M25\] have been together 3 years now. A big issue in our relationship has been that, when I set a boundary, my bf decides whether it's reasonable or not and then acts accordingly. If he feels that he wouldn't be upset if the roles were reversed then he continues with whatever he's doing. This leads to an argument which ends in a canned "I'll do better next time" speech.In this situation, the boundary I set was this: I don't mind you going out, just let me know where, who with, and about what time you'll be home. If you can't be home by 2am, tell me. Shortly after this, my bf made plans to go out with friends. This wasn't an issue until I asked when he'd be home - he said "I don't know". I backed off as his night out wasn't for another week, but the day of the answer was still "I don't know". Trying not to start an argument, I asked him to text me when they had a plan and he left a little after 9pm.Fast forward to 11 and I haven't gotten a text. I check his location and it shows that he's at a bar, so I leave him to it. Around 1am he still hasn't texted, and so I text him myself to see when he'd be home and he again says "IDK". He also says that he'd just gotten to the bar even though it's been more than 2 hours since I'd noticed he was there already. What’s more, I knew (based on what he told me) that between 9 and 11 he'd only had to pick up 2 people who lived about 20min from us.I tell my bf this, and also that "I don't know" after 1am was a sh\*tty answer considering the talk we'd just had. He doubles down, I go to bed angry, and he walks through the door just after 4am. The next day there's a brief "discussion" where I explain to him that I asked for the bare minimum and he - again - just did whatever he wanted. I get the same generic "I'll do better next time".The following Monday he gets off of work (3pm) and when I look up it's 5pm and he's not home. He doesn't get home until 7pm, makes no attempt to explain why and then acts completely lost as to why I'm pissed and how this relates to the conversation we just had.The real insult in all of this is not just that he's taking off for hours with no communication or respect for my feelings, but that he's doing it in *my* car. Full disclosure, he contributes about $150 towards my insurance (not the full amount) and pays for gas most of the time. I pay everything else. I wouldn't stop him from using it to get to work, that seems cruel, but if he wants to be out with no explanation or accountability I feel he can do it in an Uber. So, WIBTA if I told my bf he can no longer use my car (outside of work)?Tl;Dr: I asked that my bf let me know when he'd be home if he goes out. He's ignoring my request, and pretty much doing as he pleases while driving my car. | WIBTA if I revoked my bf's access to my car? | NTA |
10we4zi | Part of my job responsibilities include ensuring the vehicles I use are properly stocked. I have been informed that there is some legal aspect that requires documentation of these checks to be submitted once per day for each vehicle. The company has sites throughout several cities and each city has its own supervisor as well as an AM and PM work shift. Therefore, the PM shift really only has to submit the check for the vehicles the AM shift did not submit. Anyone in the company can look at which vehicles company-wide have had their checks submitted by pulling a report. With that, anyone in the company can see that some sites routinely do not submit the checks by the end of the day per guideline.My supervisor decided that because my site's "numbers" (as far as I can tell that means the percentage of truck checks completed for our site each day, but no one has really shown us those statistics) were poor, our site and our site only would be required to check the vehicles twice a day, meaning every vehicle per AM and again for the PM shift. By pulling the reports, I can see that some sites consistently leave checks incomplete and when talking with people from the other sites, I know my site is the only one with different requirements.We are in the weeds now so bear with me. Instead of looking at the information and figuring out which employees were not regularly submitting their checks, the leadership decided everyone at our site just needed to do twice the work to compensate. I had been diligently submitting my checks and felt disrespected by the requirement to do twice the work to make up for lazy co-workers. I was vocal about that point and sent an email to the leadership explaining my frustration. I heard a rumor that leadership was literally incapable of figuring out who wasn't submitting their checks but I dont know why they wouldn't put in a bit of effort to cross check the schedule with vehicle checks not being completed, especially now that leadership has threatened punitive action for failing to submit the two checks a day. By the way, leadership gets those reports sent automatically everyday to their email.I subsequently decided that I would no longer submit those checks. I still do the full check of the vehicle but I do not submit it. This started as an experiment of sorts to see what would happen but I have become fairly open about my point of view and feel bad that there have been some interpersonal issues arising with me probably dying on this hill or rocking the boat, but I have not heard anything formally from leadership about me not submitting the checks, so...AITA?TL;DRLeadership gave everyone more work to compensate for lazy employees. I stopped doing the work altogether because I felt disrespected and thought their decision was unfair, which has caused some tension with my co-workers. I have not been formally approached to "Be better." AITA for pushing back?Thank you. | AITA for not doing all of my work? | YTA |
10wm6u0 | My roommate and I had gotten into a fight about few weeks ago and things haven’t been the same since.We had just become friends earlier last year and instantly clicked very fast. I had noticed she had anger issues a few months back ,but I just kinda pushed it away and tried to help her when I could. The fight started because I had asked her to repeat back a text because my phone was glitching and I couldn’t read the text from my phone, so I asked her to read the text and she wouldn’t read the text and kept doing her makeup,so I grabbed her phone and tried to read it ,she then started screaming at me off the top of her lungs and started cussing me out for random thing and saying how I’m insensitive to her and her feelings bc I came to the room early that week crying bc I had some body issues and was feeling bad about myself/ sad about just being alone since my brake up .Which then in the fight she turned made it about herself and said your not the only person who goes through stuff,and I hope you end up alone. (side note I have always been their for her when she’s crying about her girlfriend and hugging her to make her feel better but every time I cry she’ll just walk away) so then I said I will never be there for you again when your upset about your girlfriend which then she stormed out the room and slammed the door.I started crying when she left and ended up going home for the weekend and when came back she gave me and hug and said sorry which I hugged her back and said it’s ok. But then things didn’t go back to normal we still weren’t talking but I was also still really hurt. Then a couple days later she told he how I’m a shitty person because I didn’t apologize and how I should just run back to daddy when I’m sad. And I told her I’m sorry you feel that way. Then later that week I was that the photos we had taken together she had cut out and covered my face which was really awkward to see bc we live together but I just kinda ignored it. When I came back to the room she separated and hidden all of our stuff that we shared and left mine on the floor, again I didn’t say anything and just cleaned up my stuff and went to the store get the new supplies I needed. And the other day she brought home a box of chocolates and one top she put a sticky note saying m name and don’t eat with a smile face and that made me so upset bc I’m not that much of a beach when it comes to food ,like I don’t take other peoples food.But she continues to wear my clothes that she hasn’t given back and uses some of my stuff and she’s also been playing music very loud when I’m trying to sleep. And I just don’t say anything bc I don’t want anymore conflict .Am I the asshole for not apologizing from the beginning even tho I feel like I did nothing wrong??? | AITAH Roommate drama I guess? | ESH |
10wqdt1 | I (20F) have been with M (21M) for almost 2 years. When I met M, 3 years ago, he was in a long distance relationship that only lasted about 4 months. I was told by his friends that he ended the relationship because he had feelings for me. I didn’t take them seriously as I thought he had feelings for a friend of ours, K (22F). They had a stronger connection, they would flirt, hang out just the two of them, FaceTime constantly- it just seemed like they liked each other a lot. I became really close with K and she confirmed my thoughts. She told me that she was in love with M and that she felt like he was into her too. She told me about how they would FaceTime constantly and that they’d always hang out in their free time. I didn’t have any opinions about this as I didn’t have any feelings toward M at the time. As the months past I noticed that K started acting colder towards me. She seemed to have a problem with me but I couldn’t figure out why. I asked our friend group if there was anything they could think of that could possibly be the reason she was upset with me but no one could name one. I ended up deciding that asking her straight up would be the most effective thing. She told me that there was nothing I had done that upset her and promised me that she was just burnt out. We hugged, told each other we loved each other and left it at that. About a month after that, M and I got into a relationship- I know how it sounds but I don’t want to lengthen this out with a whole other story. Cutting a long story short, I found out in November last year that M and K had actually had a bit of a thing going on until M messaged her out of the blue one night telling her that he wanted to stop what they had. No reason- just that he wanted to stop. She then noticed M and I getting closer and that’s when she started acting cold towards me. We have been together for 2 years… and I have only just heard of this.I talk to my mother about everything- boys, health, friendship drama, fashion, you name it, we talk about it. I spoke to my mother about this situation. She had me at 20 so the age gap is small enough for her to relate and make me feel better about a lot of situations. She wasn’t happy about the whole this and told me that he should’ve mentioned it at some point as K and I are close. She wanted to have a word with him but I wouldn’t allow it. I told M the following weekend that I had spoken to my mother about the situation and he wasn’t happy. He told me that our relationship and what goes on in it is mine and his business and nobody else’s. He also added that this happened before our relationship started so it’s not even my business let alone my mothers. He yelled at me and told me that he didn’t understand why I was letting some “stupid fling” effect our relationship so much and that I should learn to leave things in the past. I just want to know, AITA here? | AITA for telling my mother about my boyfriends past fling? | NTA |
10wdx1m | I met him through a dating app. Our first date was really good and. We had good communication for about a week, he texted regularly etc. and he seemed really enthuastic & expressed he wants to see me again right in the end of our first date. (Relevant info: On our first date we wanted to buy some street food and he couldn’t find any cash so i said no problem and payed for his too, it was something like 5-6$.) After the second date he started to act a little disinterested but he was still breadcrumbing me. So i asked him on another date to figure out what was going on. He agreed. 3rd date was good from my perspective. He wanted to go to my place but i said no because i thought it was too soon. We were in a cafe and had some drinks. There was a problem with payment and somehow he ended up having to pay for mine too. I had no cash on me so i asked him if he had paypal. He said he does and he’ll send me his e mail adress later so i can transfer him (for a 5$ drink). Anyways, He texted me a day later, so i thought everything was good between us. I answered his text and also asked “how can i send you the money from that cafe?”. After that i didn’t get a message for 4 days straight. 4 days later he said something like “paypal would be better, i’ll text you my e mail adress later”. It’s been another 4 days and he still has not said a word.I honestly find this very disrespectful. He ghosted me instead of communicating he doesn’t want to see me anymore. And ghosted me while i was willing to pay his money back. Who doesn’t have time to type a fucking e mail adress? i truly hate being ghosted.WIBTA if i didn’t transfer him money when (if ever) he finally contacts me to send his adress? I payed almost the same amount for his streed food (even a tiny bit more) so i think we’re even. | WIBTA i didn’t send money his money back to this guy? | NTA |
10wado2 | Two years ago I was laid of due to covid and stayed on unemployment for 1 year. During this time I paid my half of rent and started looking for a house that I could make into a rental, I maintained my half of chores and started making dinner every night. As the months went on my girlfriend began ignoring her chores and leaving them to me. After two months of laundry, dishes, dinner, breakfast, cleaning floors I had a talk with her and she agreed to do her half. Now two years later she will make comments about how I didn't help out more while unemployed, I talked to her but she believes I was in the wrong. So reddit AITA.Edit: to answer questions I pay for all of our groceries and paid half of utilities. I live in San diego and was searching for a property I could afford, this had me driving up to Bakersfield, big bear, calling insurance companies, property management, looking at crime rates and estimating rental income. I finally purchased a property in Dallas and drove out there to do renovations. Even though I was unemployed I was not laying around doing nothing | AITA for keeping to our chores while unemployed? | YTA |
10weh14 | We've been living together for a good while but had consistent issues where he's claimed that I don't clean up after myself. It got so bad we put a camera in the kitchen, and it showed I rarely go in and when I do I always clean up. My part of the chores are mostly cleaning up after myself and taking the trash out. The thing is as said before I rarely produce trash as I'm not using the kitchen much. He's been putting all the trash on the balcony and tells me to take it t the garbage. The past few days I just ignored it until he did it and he acted all passed. AITA? | AITA me my brother and nephew all live together but it seems like I'm consistently blamed for messes | YTA |
10wia0h | BACKSTORY:I am in a friend group of three (including me) around middle school age. There's Ella and Rosalie (fake names) Ella really likes to complain. Sometimes I try to give her another perspective ex: "I hate that our violin teacher doesn't give us more time for our lessons" and I'll say something like "Well, maybe she doesn't have the time to do that" and so on. She has a *very* short temper. She also talks with Rosalie a lot, and because I'm the way I am, I usually get left out of their conversations a lot. Over the summer, we all went to a summer camp (this is important for later)STORY:All of us were in our art class and the teacher let us choose where we sat so I sat with my friends. They were having some small talk, no biggie. I put in a few words here and their, but nothing too much. Eventually Rosalie was talking about going back to the summer camp this year. Ella said "You know, if I were you, I wouldn't go. It might not be as much fun as you think." I had heard things like this many times, and I was tired of it, so I said "Well, NGL, but you kind of complain about everything." She whispered to herself "This is why I don't like you" and didn't give any sign that this was a joke. I could tell that she was mad and I feel like such a bad friend. So Reddit, AITA? | AITA For Pointing Out That my Friend Complains About Everything? | ESH |
10wbg5f | Me (23F) and my ex friend (25F) met in school and have been good friends for 8 years.I started going through a hard time after me and my ex broke up. He was a bad person and owes me money, but is telling our group of friends, his family and friends that I am lying about everything.I told my friend at the time everything that happened between us and she said she will support me and hates my ex for what he did. She said she doesnt want to see him ever again for hurting me like that and will try to help me fix things and tell people the truth.The next day she told me that our group of friends made another groupchat without me and them and my ex were talking bad about me and my mum. I felt so betrayed and so upset.After that my friend didnt text me back for months. I kept texting her begging for her to text me back so things could be fixed because I was suffering very bad mentally, worse than I ever have.I found out a few weeks later that she has been hanging out with my ex, and is letting our friend group talk bad about me still. My ex is trying to make me look like the bad person and they believe it.I saw her out on the night of her birthday. She didnt invite me. She tried to give me a hug and then said with a big smile on her face that people from our friend group dont believe me. She was smiling and looked excited, like it was just some juicy drama or something. She didnt seem like she cared at all, like it was all a joke to her.That was the last straw for me. I started shouting at her and told her shes a bad friend for not texting me back and supporting me like she said she would, and that I know she has been hanging out with my ex while ignoring me. She cried and then her boyfriend and friends (who are part of the friend group) got mad at me for ruining her birthday.I rarely stand up for myself, and I felt good after but maybe I shouldn't have done it on her birthday. AITA? | AITA for ruining my friends birthday? | NTA |
10wbfkj | Fedor just died. They didn't even try to revive him. Would've been too late anyways. He hadn't responded 1.5hr ago when I called for him to come back inside. Mother told me not to keep calling him. Suppose she got frustrated of me somewhat yelling repetitively. So I abandoned. Let him outside as the night was about to come. Didn't think anything had happened, though I did find it odd he hadn't responded at all even faintly. Dunno if it's my fault or hers. Or theirs for not even going to the damn veto at all. We had seen he had his tummy inflated, had trouble walking. For a few weeks now. Did think of going there myself, but hadn't actually looked into it and had no reasonable way to get there myself. Didn't feel like there was an emergency anyways. Was stressed by other worthless stuff. "Too busy". Though I find comfort in the fact that I, alongside my brother I suppose, were the only ones actually giving them love — more than just feeding em — though definitely not enough. We never trained them to play any "dog game" anyways. He'd always flee as soon as he had gotten the stick. But we hadn't even tried playing in years. Definitely not a habit. And now he's dead. The other, Leila, is blind. How can one be so self-centred they'd phone their family as to talk about themselves more than the dog, and doing so *before* talking about Fedor. They disgust me. And I disgust myself for even caring about such an insignificant thing as my father's habit of bringing everything back to him, as well as I potentially being responsible for his death. Though as he hadn't been giving any signs earlier I choose to believe it would've been much too late already.Why am I even giving them any credit. He just died, surely that's what matters most | AITA for caring more about my dog Fedor's death than about my father going to the hospital for lungs and potential heart failure | NAH |
10wi7ku | Hi all! Long time lurker first time poster. Going to make names and locations vague but doesn’t change the overall question. Long story short Ive had a lot of events in the last 2 years. Got engaged, got married, and am now pregnant with our first born. I moved away from my home city to be with my now husband. I understand I am the one that moved, so I do a lot of events at back home while still having some where I live now. The cities are a 1 hour 45 minute flight away from each other. My events are as follows: bridal shower (back in my home city), bachelorette (in my new city), wedding (in my new city), baby shower (back in my home city). The meat of my question is I have a friend that has a history of only showing up when things are convenient for her or it’s something she personally really wants to do. She also got married in the last year and i flew home to help her try dresses, went to her night before wedding, and went to her wedding. She also had a bridal shower but did not tell me about it until a few weeks before and it was the Sunday after thanksgiving so I was unable to go. Context: she has no kids and her job is very flexible (I previously worked there). She has given an excuse for delaying a response to me for events or outright saying she cannot come for some inconvenience it brings her. I’ll list them.My bridal shower she delayed a reply saying she had to “plan get past her honeymoon” - she was married in March and my bridal shower was in June. She ended up coming but strangely asked my mom who was hosting if she could bring her husband.My bachelorette she told me she could not go cause traveling two weekends in a row was unrealistic - we both attended the same bachelorette the weekend prior in another city. My wedding she did not attend the night before cause she didn’t want to take work off since I was having a Friday wedding - she did however take that next Monday & Tuesday off to stay in my city and hang out with friends.. she was also in the bridal party. My baby shower she started with the honeymoon excuse again (which she’s been using for a full year now) and now it’s turned into her getting a puppy and unsure of her schedule. It’s in two weeks and the rsvp time was 3 weeks ago since the restaurant needed head count. She told me this today after saying she could 2 days ago. Mind you I gave 3 months notice for this and it’s 20 min away from her house. I finally decided to say something so I told her I was disappointed as this is now the 3rd event she cannot come to and it just seems like my things are not a priority. Added context: simultaneously while telling me she can’t figure out her schedule in two weeks she is sending flight info for our other friends wedding in a large group chat in a few months where she is staying a full week. She proceeded to tell me that friendships do not have “conditions” and travel/scheduling things is hard/my text is exhausting her. It got me to thinking, AITA here and I shouldn’t expect people to show up? Is this just a part of adulthood? | AITA for expecting a friend to show up | NTA |
10wpjax | I will preface this by saying this event happened 8 years ago.At the time, I (23f) had an online friend, Jenna (17f) who I care about dearly. She has mental health issues that her parents were unwilling to acknowledge about, so she was using her own money to purchase her own medicines. She was still in school, but she made money by doing online art commissions. Jenna's an amazing digital artist.The day I got my first bonus, I learnt her laptop is breaking down. Her laptop was her only way to make money at the time, and she was understandably stressed out. So after much thought, I decided to help her financially. We discussed at length, and eventually, we both came to an agreement that I can buy a second-hand laptop for her, which is more affordable. Currency exchange is still at play here, so I didn't have the heart to tell her that both the laptop and shipping took 90% of my bonus. I did not regret doing that though, she received the laptop safely and was grateful for it.Months later, I got another bonus, and this time I learnt another overseas friend, Eli (24m) broke his PC. Fired up from my memory of the deed I did with Jenna, I asked him if he needed any help. He said he just needed to replace some parts before a certain date.Stubbornly, I offered if there's any parts I can buy for him if he really needed it, and he was aghast at my suggestion. Eli reasoned about the currency exchange being much higher on me and buying him things is non-negotiable. I explained that I will never regret doing it, if he allows me to.At that point, Eli suspected something and eventually got me to tell him the situation with Jenna. He then asked me to screencap the laptop ebay post and calculated the price to multiply it to my currency and got pissed.I don't remember much else he said. I just remember he made good points, was disappointed in me and that I felt like shit. He said something that has became my mantra tho, "That's not your responsibility, please don't let yourself get stepped on like this. There are other ways to help."The next day, I got a message from Jenna angry at me for telling Eli about the laptop. She was the most upset I've ever seen her. I still felt like shit, so I couldn't respond well. She said Eli gave her an earful. She basically found out how much I paid and was probably angry due to the guilt. I felt like it really wasn't her fault, because I chose to not tell her the price in my currenncy. In the end, I took all the blame and apologized at the end of our conversation.We have rarely been in contact since.TLDR;Jenna needed help, I jumped in, and Eli was worried I will keep doing that all my life to every single troubled soul. I would.So here I am, online shopping app open, staring at a laptop for sale that I wanted to surprise-gift my foreign long-distance husband and crying.I just wanna be done with this guilt. AITA or can I just blame capitalism | AITA for spending my bonus on friend | NTA |
10wbamk | This is a bit of a long story so sorry in advance. For backstory when I (15F) was 5 my family started going to a summer camp that happened once every summer for 5 days. We got really close with 1 family specifically and they had a daughter who we'll call Sarah (8F) who became close with me and my sister (11F). We even started hanging out and texting throughout the year instead of only talking at summer camp and we would have sleepovers occasionally.Fast forward to 2020, Sarah's family moved and ended up being 2 blocks away from my house! It was great at first until Sarah started going to the local public high school. She became really mean and would get jealous of the friends my sister and I would have.Fast forward even more and in March of 2021 I had made 2 friends from the summer camp I met Sarah at. We'll call them Jenna and Jeff. Jeff lives 5 hours away and is best friends with Jenna's brother and so naturally when we're all together on rare occasions, the four of us hang out a lot.After a bit, I was talking to Sarah, and I told her how I am very grateful for these friendships. After I said this Sarah admitted that she was jealous of it. She said it was because of her social anxiety. This is when I reminded her that I also have social anxiety, reassuring her that it's okay for these things to take time. All she did was downplay my social anxiety.Well fast forward again to summer camp in 2021 and the group of me and my friends was stronger than ever. The first night, we were playing volleyball and these 2 other kids, who I'll call Ruth and Eddie, are siblings and they started hanging out with us and we all joked around. Mind you Sarah was, what I felt like, fully involved in all of this.Well Sarah and I go back to the dorms and she admits to me yet again that she's jealous of how close I am with everyone. I reminded her that it takes time and that week was her perfect opportunity to become friends with them like she wants to. Ever since then Sarah has mentioned numerous times again and again how she wishes she were close with everyone like I am.Now that you have the backstory, here is where I'm struggling. Ruth texted me and said that her and Eddie are flying up in March. I asked her what days and it's miraculously the 1 weekend in March that I am free that she will be visiting. I got so excited and told Sarah a couple of days later. I said "Guess what Ruth said!!!" and she goes "Let me guess, she's coming up during the ONE WEEK that I'll be busy?!" and I went "Um- I don't know. She said she's coming up in March" She sighed heavily and said "I'll see what I can do I guess"Sarah tends to be a bit rude to me and my sister when we're around this group of friends so I do go and see them when they're visiting even if Sarah can't make it. I feel worse about it this time though and I don't know why. So...WIBTA if I went and hung out with my friends even if Sarah couldn't make it? | WIBTA if I visit my friends when someone can't make it? | NTA |
10w9s3q | Once upon a time, I (23M) met a person (29F) online, and we started talking and getting pretty friendly. Eventually, I went to visit her (she lives almost 2hrs away from me). I brought my Wii U and some Legend of Zelda games with me, because she was a fan and hadn’t yet played one of the titles I had. During our day together, things got “adult,” but towards the end of the visit, I was feeling bit unsafe (due to cat allergies and sus vibes) and ultimately decided to go home earlier than expected. I let her hang onto the Wii U though, since she still wanted to play through one of the games I’d brought, and I didn’t use the system much anyway, so I figured it would be nice to let her hang onto it for a while.Time goes by, and she’d come to visit me a few times. We were still friendly for a while. As time went on though, I’d decided that we weren’t a compatible romantic match, so I cooled off contact. We figured next time I was in her town (or vice verse), I’d get my Wii U back, but I wasn’t in any rush, so I said she could hang onto it until that time came.However, the fact that I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship greatly upset her. I had to endure onslaughts of abusive messages about how bad of a person she thought I was. Through all of it, I kept a cool head and never lashed out. I would take it in stride. Step 1.) Deal with the abusive messages. Step 2.) Stay calm and brief, and don’t say anything meanStep 3.) Deal with the inevitable apology the next morning.This cycle of harassment happened MANY times. I could’ve blocked her, but due to personal reasons from my past, I don’t like blocking people. Anyway, she was mad about still having my Wii U. I wasn’t about to drive 2 hours to risk getting close to an abusive person, so I told her I would come get it next time she was in my city (I live in the bigger city, and she comes here for concerts sometimes). Stuff was quiet for a little while. I even got into a relationship with someone else, who I’m very happy with! I wasn’t going to press about the Wii U with 29F, because I didn’t want to deal with her, plus she would repeatedly intersperse her harassment with blurbs about she didn’t want to talk to me (which I was all too happy to oblige). Eventually, she appeared again and told me she wouldn’t be coming back to my town, so I either had to come to her or she would just keep my Wii U. She was very upset that the games were still in her possession because they reminded her of me. I told her she could ship it back and that I would pay for the shipping, and then it would be all over with. Cue Step 1, Step 2, and Step 3.More quiet. Then, recently, she appeared again, saying she wasn’t able to ship the Wii U, and once again demanding that I come to her. By this point, it has been half a year. Exhausted, I told her to just keep the Wii U. | AITA for giving away my Wii U to a woman who harassed me? | NTA |
10w9oyi | I 14(m) have been begging for a PS5 from my parents ever since it’s launch and now that I’m the legal age to get a job and they won’t buy me one I simply got a job and have been working my butt off just to get a PS5, my parents saw how hard I have been working and made a deal with me, I could pay half of the PS5 and so could they, and I happily accepted the deal and started working even harder for that PS5, the day comes and I finally got half of the money and give it to my parents, The next day I wait for the PS5 and wait and wait, weeks go by and I’m still waiting for it, That’s when I finally ask them where my PS5 is and they say “oh sorry we used the money for your brothers treatment”What???, Look i know this sounds bad but my parents used MY MONEY for my brother and did not tell me and I started to get mad at them about how hard I worked and how they cannot use my money for something else without asking me, my family has since contacted me after the incident and said I was rude to my parents and should apologize to them and honestly I think I was. AITA? | AITA for getting mad at my parents for using my money for my brothers treatment? | NTA |
10whh18 | I’m moving in with my friend and his girlfriend, we’re getting a 2 bedroom house but the name of the tenancy is going to be in my name and my friends girlfriend. This is so my friend won’t pay council tax but he is effectively living with us full time. The rent is a student contact so it’s 1400 for two beds. That would usually be 700 each but as there’s 3 of us it would be around 450 each. I haven’t asked what his thoughts on a split would be yet as it’s not close to the moving in period but would I be the asshole for expecting the rent to be divided by 3. Or is it only right that he and his girlfriend split their 700 payment between themselves as they are ‘sharing a room’. Meaning they both 350 each and I pay 700.Should I expect to pay 700 as that’s what’s fair? Should I expect some compromise such ass 400(him)/400(her)/600(me)Or would it be normal thing to do to split it evenly as we’re all best friends and I’d definitely do it for him. Also worth noting that’s billls not included, I’m not talking about bills, just rent. | AITA for wanting a split of the rent from my friends girlfriend? | NTA |
10w7ln1 | I (15f) and my mom (41) were driving to pick up my brother (11m), and i fell asleep while on the way there. when i woke up, the car was empty and we were parked in front of a strip of a few restaurants. I was freaked out after waking up because I get can very easily get stressed out and have panic attacks. I got out of the car and went into a restaurant that was in front of the car to try and find my mom, but when i got inside, i started having a panic attack and i couldn't move. My mom got mad at me for "being creepy" and started telling everyone that i was being moody and dramatic, and just went back to her table with my brother. about 15 minutes go by and i started to feel lightheaded because i had accidentally locked my legs, so i went into the bathroom to try and calm myself down a little bit, and keep myself from fainting. I sat in there for a little under 10 minutes until i felt better, and once i got out my mom yelled at me to go to the car. I went to bed after we got hole because i knew she probably didn't want to see me, and when i woke up she and my brother were getting ready to go to an event which i was pretty excited about going to, but when my brother asked me if i was coming my mom said i wasn't and they left. I had also been planning to go to a movie later with friends, and planned it to be when we would get back, but when i texted my mom if she thought she would be back in time, she responded with "I don't feel comfortable taking you anywhere after that stunt you pulled yesterday" and even after i tried to explain that it was a panic attack, she told me that it wasn't and panic attacks don't happen like that, and if it was i must be too unstable to go out places. It really hurt me when she said that because she knew about my panic attacks and never had a problem with them before, and i called my dad to come pick me up. When i got home, my dad told me that my mom wanted to leave me behind and lied about trying to help me get back into the car, but she still thinks shes n the right because i shouldn't have left the car, and just waited for her and my brother to get back, which made me think that im TA not only for not waiting, but also because I made a scene and might have embarrassed her, AITA? | AITA for locking myself in a bathroom? | NTA |
10wajqb | Some context first, both of us live in Brazil but she was born in China while I was born here. She has a history of unstable behaviour and mood (my therapist believes she may have bpd) and has psychologically and verbally abused me frequently since I was young, aditionally she's parentally alienated me pretty badly during a time of high emotional instability coming from my father divorcing her at the time (I was 9).My 16F mother 52F mentioned to me a few days ago that she wanted to travel to Japan next year, I said I'd think about it and she started screaming at me in the car about how I shouldn't even need to think about it, it's just a fun trip etc etc. Today I woke up to her screaming at my dad about how he should go to Japan with us because it'd be good for me (I'd be neutral about it, also, I've never even talked about my dad travelling with us, I thought she hated him), when he was driving me to school I asked about it and he told me the context I just described, I got pissed off with her. Later when she picked me up at school, I was already not in the mood to talk because of what happened this morning, but while eating lunch she mentioned that we'd spend New Year's there and I straight up refused (while I didn't tell her this, I've only recently began feeling sentimental towards the city I've lived in my entire life, since there seems to be a cultural identity disconnect in me, so I wanted to spend New Year here, also I'd like to see my girlfriend who none of my parents know of during the last week of the year), this escalated very quickly into a Mandarin screaming fit in the middle of the McDonald's we were dining at she was saying stuff like "what even is there to see in this town? Just a big christmas tree and the usual decorations you see every year, what do you even have to brag about to your friends?", after some moments of silence she started screaming again saying "if you're not even going to spend the holidays there with me, you might as well just not go at all" at this moment she began crying a bit but still screaming "I spend every year here where I have no friends, no one to talk to or meet up with, this was just really important to me" (she has some friends and family that might go there too, that's why she said that).A lot of the time in arguments with her I can see pretty clearly that I'm right and she's wrong, I hate her enough to be able to distinguish these situations pretty well, here however, I feel like I may have been a bit too mean? I do hate her a lot but she's still my mother and I can't imagine how incredibly lonely she must feel in this country all alone. AITA? | AITA for not wanting to travel to Japan with my mother? | NTA |
10w8fwk | I (21F) had a major fight with my mom over a secret i spilled to her. A couple of days back a friend told me that her mom was cheating on her dad with his best friend and she felt very trapped and alone in her house . I told her that I will be there for her and help her out in anyway possible. I even asked her to come to my house whenever she wants and stay with me for as long as it takes . After she told me this I kind of kept this conversation with me and decided not to tell anyone. But I couldn't help thinking about it all the time and it kept eating me from inside that my friend was in so much distress. It got to a point where I just needed it to share to someone. Against all my better judgement I told my mom about it. She got hysterical and told me I couldn't visit her house anymore and that it would be very unsafe for me to go to a house where a mom is like that . She started creating hypothetical situations and said that she's saying it for my own safety and that she can decide what's good for me and what's not . I was so hurt and angry that I told her that its my fault that I ever shared anything with her and it would be the last time I would ever share anything with her. She got extremely pissed and I myself have said some harsh stuff to her and asked her to leave as I didn't want to have any further conversation with her . She went to my dad and started telling him that I am a ungrateful brat and that I'd only value her if she died and as usual my dad took her side . I don't know if the way I reacted was that bad . so am i the asshole? | AITA for having a fight with my mom after i decided to share a secret with her ? | NTA |
10wd98f | I have a very extense family, and some of them lack what you would call a filter. This is a story where I don't know if there is any AH, or several.I suffer from anxiety when meeting people I'm not comfortable with, my father shares that same issue. We try to evade ourselves when the stress level rises. He surfs the web, I read.When visiting my grandparents house, they were not alone: My grandpa's (98) sister (90) and her daughter M (55) were there. They are very old school, and started as always to advice me on things I need no opinion, less from them, that don't know me at all.Anyway, we decided to play a game of cards, and I took my ebook with me while my father took his phone. We were playing for around an hour with no issues: We were involved in the conversation and were quick to play, we just got into our mobile phone or ebook when it was not our turn and nobody was talking with us.Let's be fair, I was winning by a lot. These last three games I had won in the second turn, so most of them were out or nearly out of the game.Then, my relative M started to complain, telling me where my manners were to be in my book and not in the game. With that, my anxiety peaked, I decided to close my book and leave the game, as it didn't feel right anymore, and I hated the way she talked to me. My grandparents wanted me to play another round, and M started to tell how dramatic I am and that she didn't mean it like that. That I can read all I want, but she had that tone..I still didn't join the game. Was I the AH? | AITA for reading while playing a card game? | YTA |
10wew7v | I (22f) live with my mother (51) and niece (13). Ever since I was 14, I have looked after my niece every day after school until my mum came home. Including weekends when my mum had to work. Because of this, I never really had my “teenage years” experience as I didn’t have any free time to go out with friends. It got to the point where all of my friends stopped trying to make plans with me because I could never go/had to cancel - which then led to them not talking to me anymore. I now do not have friends at all.I do not have any social media like Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram etc because of my OCD so I can’t even make any online friends either. I also cannot get a job because I need to be home to look after her. Recently, there have been a LOT of arguments in the house due to my niece. I won’t go into detail as it’s irrelevant to this post but let’s just say that she is a very difficult child and things have gotten out of hand more than once. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and was advised to try and get some time away from them regularly. I spoke to my family about this and it was agreed that I would have more free time. My nieces mum (my sister, 30) is now more capable of caring for my niece than she was a few years ago so the plan was that my niece would spend more time with her than with me. Giving me the free time I was recommended and also allowing me a bit of my life back, maybe even a job. Despite us coming to an agreement on that, it has never happened. Any time I bring it up, there’s always an excuse from someone that ends with me having to watch her anyway. My nieces tantrums always happen over small things (wifi not working, us not having the snack she wants, the top she wants to wear being wet from getting washed etc) so there is no way to prevent or predict them. It causes me extreme stress and always ends badly. Today one of those tantrums happened and I messaged my sister to ask her to help and maybe watch my niece for a while so I could calm down. This has resulted in her spamming me with aggressive messages saying that I never do anything for anyone and if I’m so bothered by my niece then I should just move out etc. They get worse but I won’t elaborate. I have no problem with watching my niece but I need a little bit more support when she gets like this and I also need my own personal life. I also only still live at home to help my mum with my niece and house chores/rent etc as she struggles - I’m not just living here because I’m lazy and refuse to move out. And because I can’t get a job to afford my own place because no one else will step up to look after my niece. My mum also gets pretty mad when I bring up wanting to have free time to do something. Most of the time it also ends in an argument with her too and then I can’t do what I wanted to. Long story short, I basically gave up my personal life for 8 years to look after my niece, but now that her mum is more capable and I want some free time, everyone is getting mad at me for asking. | AITA for wanting more time to myself | NTA |
10w79zy | Throwaway account because of the sensitivity of the situation. So I („Bob“, 25) and my boyfriend („Mike“ 26) have been in a relationship for the past 3 years. Mike is from Pakistan, I am from the US. We met in college in the US.Mike comes from a very conservative Muslim background. When he first arrived in the US, he was extremely religious, praying 5 times a day and never drinking / doing any drugs. He said he was also extremely homophobic. Over time he changed tremendously, he did not practice his faith as often, began drinking alcohol and began partaking in drugs. I met him after he had realized he was gay and have never experienced him being homophobic.Mike has a good relationship with his parents back in Pakistan. He is the first born of two sons, he is very smart and was able to get a high paying job in tech and send money back to Pakistan fairly often. His parents are very proud of him , as they should be. Mike has told me that he plans on never revealing that he is gay to his parents because he knows it would “break them”. He likes their current relationship and does not want to jeopardize this. I understand this and support him completely with his choice to not tell them. I understand that his views not too long ago were the same as his parents and he can understand where they come from and why they think that way. Along with this plan of not telling his parents he is gay, he has talked about future plans of faking a relationship / future marriage with a woman to please them. I also don’t have an issue with this. Here is where the issue arises. Mike wants to introduce me to his parents eventually as his friend. I would also like to meet them so this is fine for me. The thing is, I am fine going along with whatever lies Mike says to his parents. But if the parents ask me any questions, I do not want to lie to them for myself personally. I have told Mike this, as we are preparing for meeting his parents at some point in the future, and I want to be very clear that I will hide our relationship, and I will never out Mike to his parents, but I will not hide my identity.I do not want to go back to hiding my sexuality. I also feel like if Mike ever changes his mind, me having lied to his parents about my identity would only make things more difficult. Mike prefers if I tell his parents that I am in a relationship with a woman, if the topic arises (which it might considering our ages). WIBTA if I do not lie about my identity to further ensure that my boyfriends parents never get suspicious? If his parents ask if I am married, I will say I am not. If they ask about a relationship, I say I have a partner back home. If they ask that I am gay, I will say yes (I cannot imagine that ever coming up though). If they ask about if I am dating their son, I will deny it tooth and nail. I will never out Mike. I just want to keep my own integrity in the situation. | WIBTA if I did not lie to my boyfriends conservative parents about being gay? | YWBTA |
10wa7ot | I (F27) have 2 nephews (M13 and M11) from my sister (F33). My 13 year old nephew is a good kid, he’s popular, athletic and has good grades. A few months ago, our entire family (my siblings, nieces and nephews, fiance, ect) were on vacation together. My 13 y/o nephew met a boy his age in the hotel, the boy was wearing a jersey of a basketball team my nephew hadn’t heard of, he asked him about it and they became friends over their shared love of basketball. The boys often FaceTime each other, recently my nephew’s friend got a girlfriend, my nephew asked him for advice and he suggested some cologne. My nephew asked to buy it and we did. The day after it came, he put some on and asked the girl he liked out, she said yes. Our 11 year old nephew is a different story, he’s a pretty mean kid and recently some events has caused some tension between my nephews. The first is my younger nephew tried stealing his brother’s cologne, whether or not it helped him get a girlfriend is debatable, but my nephew attributes it to this, so his younger bro wanted it, he said no. The younger one tried stealing it and tore apart the older’s room while doing it. My sister and her husband got the older one a lock and punished him. The second is much worse imo, like I said, my older nephew is popular, the girl he asked out is a very smart girl but also pretty introverted because she’s autistic. Recently, my nephew had his girlfriend over, along with his friends, they were playing video games, and at times, the boys got too loud, so my nephew’s gf put on some headphones. My nephew is understanding of his gf’s needs and doesn’t care about the headphones, he’s working to adjust his behaviors to accommodate her, it's really sweet to see.My 11 y/o nephew has been actively antagonizing her, from making loud noises to mocking her stimming. He’s also made some wildly sexist remarks about her. My sister and her husband tried things to stop him but he wouldn’t, so they asked if he could stay with me and my fiance. For schooling related reasons, my fiance’s 15 y/o brother lives with us. He is autistic and very into self advocacy. We asked him his thoughts on it and he thought it would be cool to have him stay over. It’s been a few days and my fiance’s brother has been trying to teach him about his behaviors, why he eats the same foods, ect. My nephew has been hostile, my fiance’s brother doesn’t care, as he’s very patient. However, our parents are not on board, they’re saying that my sister and I shouldn’t be “torturing” our son because he’s upset about this punishment and said we were a-holes for “making him miserable” and that our 13 y/o nephew “is in a middle school relationship and 99% of those don’t last”. Our siblings are divided on the manner. AITA? | AITA for taking in my nephew for a week? | YTA |
10wa0py | So for context my parents are really funny about doctors and they have always tried to put off my problems and say that there's nothing wrong. They have almost been safeguarded a few years ago for not getting me help for a knee injury (I think it was a torn ligament). I have been getting recurring utis since December and 2 weeks ago when I told her I had one again I also said I'd give it a week and if it doesn't clear up I want to see a doctor. I went to school and asked for a toilet pass too and the medical lady said that I need my mum to get me an appointment. As soon as I hit the 1 week mark and it was getting worse I told my mum and nothing happened and I ended up having to go to my counsellor at school and book an appointment by myself which was stressful because the rules around kids my age (15) and being alone at the doctors are iffy. I ended up getting antibiotics on Thursday and by Monday I was getting symptoms again. By this time I had been bleeding for weeks and started showing other symptoms. The medical lady almost safeguarded her again and said I could be anaemic. I was sat in my room yesterday and my mum came up and I told her I need a doctors appointment and she started to get pissy and started saying please don't make me take a day off and I got upset at this because she always tries to make things like this my fault. I reminded her that I said that I'd give it a week and she agreed to that and that she almost got safeguarded because she's not helping me. She got even angrier and told me that she's been holding back for a while and started saying shit along the lines of "ever since you have been with your boyfriend you have been getting utis" which there is absolutely no link at all and I don't know why she'd bring it up. She leaves for work at 8 and starts at 9 and I leave for school at 8 and the doctors open at 8 but you can only book appointments at this time which is extremely inconvenient and I get that but she always tries to make it out as my fault. She tried telling me she'd do it on Friday but I need one sooner and I had to push her to call them today. She called them this morning and was 4th in the queue before the medical lady at my school called and cut her off and she got mad and I just left the house to go to school. I have been getting dizzy and have been short of breath at school and almost fainted today and I tried to call the doctors myself at break time at 11am but got told they're fully booked and I need to call at 8. I told her again an hour ago that I need a doctor and she just unleashes on me saying that her friends at work agreed I'm old enough to do it myself and that she's stressed at work and my dad's car got rear ended by another one and I just felt completely defeated. I understand that she is stressed but I have been getting bouts of dizziness and have passed out in front of her for years and need a doctor and she just doesn't care. Am I being insensitive or is this justified? | AITA for pestering my mum for a doctors appointment even though she is stressed | NTA |
10wcqxw | I have a university class where the current assignment is to write a true story from our past that has deeply affected who we are.My close friend “Tom” is writing about how his grandparents died in a crash and the depression it caused him. This story is not true; he is writing it so he has an interesting topic and to get a good grade. I thought about it for a while and decided to write about my grandfather’s passing, which taught me the importance of always maintaining bonds because you never know when you could lose someone. I was writing this narrative in when a fellow student read the title from behind me and asked “why are you writing about something like that?” I told her that, “it’s not such a big deal. Tom is writing about his depression after his grandparents died”The girl told many people about this and now Tom is very mad at me as many people know that it isn’t true and he might get in trouble with the professor. So, Reddit, AITA? | AITA for talking about my friends story to defend mine? | NTA |
10wedgy | Hi everyone, I'm not a frequent user here or a native speaker so apologies ahead for any mistakes.So, me(24F), have a bit of an intense relationship with my sister (36F), I'll call her Laura. We grew up with a single mother and another sister.Laura moved abroad five years ago due to her husband's work. Even before she moved away I kept my contact with her as little as possible because, well, to be honest I really do not like her personality. She's very controlling, all about herself, wants everything done how she likes it and constantly expects gratitude for every little thing she does. For more context, she was quite rich before moving abroad (she's a SAHM, her husband is rich) and would give me and my other sister expensive stuff like designer bags and clothes (these would not be new, just her old used stuff). The problem here is that my mom never had much money and at the ages 15-16 i would be wearing expensive designer clothes with no money in my expensive designer bags. Like that wasn't absurd enough she would always expect gratitude. I spent years of my life thanking her for stuff that I did not even want/need in the first place. So I guess my resentment of her grew from here.Now that Laura is abroad, and can't visit due to visa stuff, not keeping in touch with her makes me feel better. I feel bad saying this but I really don't think I have any love for her in me even though she is family. I wish i had some but i just don't. I talk to her rarely and this upsets her. The thing is even on those rare occasions that i talk to her I just feel awful, on every phone call I have to listen to her for an hour talking about emotional stuff which I just can't reciprocate. Every time I talk to her it's only because I force myself. I force myself to talk to her so that she doesn't feel bad and it's a duty to me because we share blood but not a single cell in my body wants this. I don't miss her and I'm tired of lying so that she would not be upset. The other day she called me to congratulate me on my graduation, and I was so happy until I saw her name on my phone. I did not even want to hear congrats from her, everything related to her just gives me a stomachache. So I did not pick up, and she called my mom complaining about me not picking up, not taking my time to talk to her more often, that i have time to talk to my boyfriend but not my sister etc.I just need to hear an outside view on this. AITA for not wanting to talk to my sister because it makes me feel bad? | AITA for refusing to contact my sister more often? | NTA |
10wgkjs | I 27f have decided that i want to go back to school & for esthetics my bf 31mhas been cold shouldering me about it. before you get to judging him i'll get into the background info we have a 2 1/2 year old so we would have to make this work for both of our schedules. i have also been a bit flighty w/ what i want to do with my life in general so i can kind of understand his concern.i was a stay at home mom for 2 years during this time i did a 2 day doula certification but once i tried it out i hated it. he worked full time & after my son turned 2 i got a job on the weekends during his time off. i love my job - he hated his - i told him he should quit & pursue something he wanted to do whether that be school etc. i've been working full time & he's taken on stay at home dad role. he decided a couple of weeks ago to go back to mechanics & found a nice gig at an up & coming local performance shop but it's only 3 days a week. so i changed my work schedule again & have been working 4 days on all of his off days. our son goes to a co op preschool 2 days a week & i take him to school & 2 times a month i work the school.a friend has been talking about going to school for this & first i didn't want to - esthetics was something i used to really want to do but the market is oversaturated so i never entered. but recently i realized that if i got my master esthetician license i could open up my own laser tattoo removal or even a salon and rent spaces out to other beauticians etc. it would be a good career since i could be apt based & be flexible to the needs of my family. i have been doing research on the 4 available schools in my area. only 1 will allow me to still keep my sons schedule but the first 7 weeks the schedule is tight so our son would potentially miss some school but there’s also still time to work that part out. if i start in april he would have a couple weeks off for spring break so he wouldn't miss as much school plus the 3 months he of summer break. since we also have to work the school 2 a month i could ask the co op if i could cut my times for 2 months & work x2 after the first 7 weeks of the program. i understand it's inconvenient & last minute but i have planned out the scheduling pretty well & i just want to have a sit down go over what i’ve worked out. it would be best if i just took the risk now. our son is 2 he doesn't NEED to go to school we just wanted him to get that head start opportunity. idk how long he's only going to be working 3 days a week & i've always put his schedule up front & been willing to support & talk about whatever when the times come about. i have already done my fafsa & am in contact w the school. he keeps saying i'm rushing it. i get it i do but they only hold class 2x a year next is oct which is unknown for his schedule & our son would be in the beginning of his school year. (i did mention my friend earlier she will not be attending the same class or time as me) WIBTA if i went through with school anyways? | WIBTA if i went went through with something behind my bf back? | YTA |
10we52d | We've had a cat for years. Probably about 9 or 10 now so he's getting abit old now. He's been in 3 houses now and is more of an outdoor cat, bit feral but on the whole he's just a bog standard cat.Anyway, in house number 3 about a year in let's say, the cats roaming about, upstairs downstairs, comes in when he likes and all the rest of it. He's settled in to put it in a nutshell.Anyway they then decide to get a dog, now I'm not an expert but Id say it's common knowledge cats and dogs DONT get on 99% of the time. I'm not against dogs, but the way I look at it is just let the cat live out the last year's of its life in peace and if you want a dog then sure go ahead. At the time I said I didn't think it was a good idea but it was sort of ignored by a change of subject. Like I said the cats abit feral so introductions we're never gonna go well with a puppy (although I'd say about 6 MAX lacklustre attempts at introducing the pets were made). They also made a case of saying the DOG was in danger not the cat? Within 3 months the dog was double the size of the cat and barked like a bastard everytime the cat was within sniffing range so obviously the cat wanted nothing to do with it.Anyway fast forward to now. The cat is forced to stay in for weeks on end because now everytime he goes out he stays there for 4 days+ and since getting the dog we thought he went missing about twice, then we have to go and get him from the neighbours and he waltz's in as thin as a rake. He stays upstairs, in fairness to my mum the dog has been trained not to go up the stairs at all so the cat is safe up there but he's got now easy way in or out unless someone puts the cat out or brings him in.The dog now knows what my mum does every few nights to go out and get the cat if he's gone out a few days prior. He goes ballistic. We have to lock him in his crate to take the cat upstairs.On the side of my mum just to try to unbias this abit, she wanted a family dog, fine. Most of the time dogs are more fun and sociable to be around and cats in general do there own thing.She wanted to use the dog to connect with me mabye? I'm not sure to be honest if anyone could shed some light that'd be nice.The overall conflict is my mum got a dog while we have an old cat and acts like nothings wrong when imo it is, am I the asshole for confronting her occasionally about it (not aggressively) and getting into mini arguments? | AITA For thinking mums actions are wrong? | NTA |
10wjdxj | At the gym I go to, there’s a track with 3 lanes. The direction that people are supposed to run changes each day. At least a few times a week, there will be someone who runs the other way on the track, and doesn’t change lanes when people are approaching. Seems like people are pretty annoyed by it, but they just don’t say anything. WIBTA for telling them that they’re going the wrong way? | WIBTA for pointing out to someone that they’re supposed to run the other way on the track? | NTA |
10wah5q | I(19M) am about to move into an off campus house for the next school year. I also have a best friend(19M) who has been wanting to move in with me since freshman year of university (we are both sophomores currently). We made plans to meet and dedicate time to talk about it but nothing ever happened. Eventually I got tired of failing plans and sought out a place of residence on my own and found a place that would cost me 2 grand annually which is perfect for my budget. Eventually, I meet up with my best friend and break him the news that unless we find a place that is cheap and close to campus I would be moving in that house. He immediately went silent and blamed me for not telling him sooner and after we both went back to our dorms he sends a lengthy paragraph text about how I ditched him and I would rather choose to live other friends rather than with him. To put into more context, this house would be me living with 4 other people and we would all spit the cost evenly. Further, the people who already live there knows the land lord which helps us keep costs down. We share almost every class together and it is hard to avoid him. Apparently he is very mad, and he has also left me on read when I tried to explain that approximately 500 dollars a month wouldn't be within my budget and would be dumb considering the opportunity that I have. Overall, he is mad that I surprised this discission on him, and that I am not looking too hard to find a house for just me and him. AMIA?tl;dr - My friend is mad at me for moving into a cheaper place rather than spending more money so that we can both move in together | AITA if I move in a cheaper apartment than live with my friend | NTA |
10wfz3l | Alright peeps, here's the deal, there's a lot of moving pieces and details so I will try to be succinct as possible--My bestie, (27F, American) who we will call Olivia, met a man (36M, Aussie) who we will call Dante, 6 months ago at my friend Ian's party that I brought her to. Olivia who is originally from Cali, where I currently live and where we met, was living in FL at the time. She had come to Cali to visit me and stayed at my house with my boyfriend and I for a week. She was currently in a year and a half relationship long distance relationship with a guy who we will call Simon, who she was having ongoing problems with. Simon was not willing to make her a priority and she had spent the evening at the party I had brought her to complaining to strangers about Simon. Dante, was immediately smitten with Olivia and started pursuing her.A little back story-- I had met Dante 10 years prior through my friend Peter (another Aussie, who had moved back to Aus), who is also how I know Ian. I didn't remember Dante at all until he mentioned Peter, who I had not spoken to in many years (we had a big falling out that was a huge miscommunication.Back to present-- Dante was immediately very cold to me when we met, stating that he was Peter's friend and he knew that Peter and I had had a falling out. I stated that it was a regret of mine but that I missed Peter but we were both very young at the time and I wish we could patch things up. Then he started talking to my friend Olivia and was all about her. Everyone at this party knew Olivia was going through some rocky shit with her current bf, Simon, but somehow Dante still got her number and after she went back to FL, they continued to chat.My boyfriend, we will call him Kaden, and I, had advised Olivia that her relationship with Simon was toxic and she broke up with him the next day. We had talked about Olivia moving back to Cali for a while and she decided it was time and she would be moving here in Jan 2023 and would live in our backhouse. A few months ago by, and she decides to come back to Cali to see if she does want to move, and so she stays in our backhouse for 2 weeks. During that time she starts hanging with Dante (apparently they had been texting consistently since she had left but only as friends), they then start dating. The next few months, the timeline goes as follows, a series of insane love-bombing--\*Week 1 of dating - Dante gives her a diamond bracelet\*Week 2 of dating - He gives her diamond earrings\*Week 3 of dating - She goes back to FL, they are now doing long distance\*Week 4 of dating - He gets her NAME tattooed on his arm\*Month 2 of dating - He goes to FL, meets her whole fam\*Month 3 of dating - He buys an ENGAGEMENT RING\*Month 4 of dating - He PROPOSES, she says YES. Oh, and she expects me to be her MOH.Jan 2023, as planned from before she met Dante, she moves into my backhouse, assures me that as promised she would live in our backhouse for at least a year and that they planned to get married in December 2023. A few weeks later, she tells me that it's going to be August 2023, now. And then the end of January last month, she says it's actually going to be June.Now for the RED FLAGS other than the love-bombing--1. Since the moment my boyfriend and I met Damon, there was something unsettling about him, he always has a dark cloud over his head, seems to be fake nice and just tries to hard to be accommodating in a way that seems disingenuous. He always has a nervous energy, does not speak unless you address him/include him.2. He NEVER disagrees with Olivia, even saying that he told her that he will NEVER tell her no.3. He is ALWAYS high. I mean, always. Prior to dating Olivia he was sober for around 8-10 years because he was married to a woman before (who died of cancer) who he did drugs and drank with and used these both to cope after she died. Olivia's family are big social drinkers and eaters, and she he visited her family with her, he started drinking again.4. He had been pescatarian very strictly for over 10 years, when he started dating Olivia, he started eating meat with her family because he wanted them to like him.5. He has no friends. Except for his fam and friends across the seas. He calls himself a "lone wolf."6. I've seen flashes of his anger which he tries very hard to keep below the surface. He and Olivia have never argued, but have had disagreements but decide to not say what they really think.7. The fact that he has accelerated their engagement, marriage etc so quick, like what is the rush!8. The BIGGEST red flag of all-- Kaden and I have been together for 4.5 years, we live together and share a dog and we have a wonderful relationship. Kaden is the sweetest man alive, he is protective, loving, and adores Olivia as a sister. They have a very pure platonic friendship based on love and respect. Kaden and I have a very healthy and strong circle of friends who we share platonic intimacy as we are big huggers and very cuddly people. Olivia and I snuggle all the time, hug and are very close. 1. \-Olivia, Dante, Kaden, me, and Olivia's fam who were visiting all went out. Everyone was drinking and having a good time. While we were at the bar, Kaden was petting me on the head, then pet Olivia on the head and was like "Sweet girls, sweet friends" (he is very goofy and was just being cute. He is the MOST disarming man). 2. \-We all leave the bar, Kaden leaves his car at Dante's since he had drank. 2 days pass, I had to go to the hospital (I suffer from seizures and migraines), Kaden took me and stayed with me all night and we didn't get any sleep. The next morning, Kaden finally has a chance to pick up his car from Dante's. Kaden mentions he had no sleep and that I was in the hospital. Dante then CONFRONTS my boyfriend saying to him - "man to man, I did not feel comfortable with you touching my fiancee, none of my mates at home would ever do that, and do not do that again." Kaden responds with "hold on, I have always had this type of comfortable relationship with Olivia, I think of her as a sister, I would go far as to say a paternal love for her", Dante snapped and said "yeah, well she's a grown ass woman, and she has a dad." Kaden was taken aback and said that this is something Olivia should have brought up to Kaden if she was uncomfortable. Kaden had to leave for work so couldn't get into it and there were people around she he said they would figure out something later. 3. \-Kaden then brings this up to Olivia, she didn't know that Dante was going to do this. I was LIVID, like I wanted to run over Dante with my car that's how mad I was. This was also not the first time this happened. Dante and Olivia were at a gay bar with her friends and a gay guy was touching her hair and Dante got all crazy on him also! Then I found out that when Dante was with his ex wife, he went out of town, and Peter (his friend that I know, who has known Dante for 25 years) took Dante's ex wife for dinner to keep her company and Dante freaked out on him also!!!!I told Olivia everything above. I told her all the red flags and that she should seriously take more time getting to know Dante before marrying him. She doesn't want to listen, is basically taking his side acting like he is so misunderstood, and she is acting like Kaden and I are the bad guys. She is now saying they want to do a destination wedding in June (4 MONTHS FROM NOW) and that if our friends can't make it short notice then whatever.Help me out reddit fam-- AITA or has she LOST HER DAMN MIND!? | AITA for telling my bestie not to marry a man she's known for 6 months who has RED FLAGS | NTA |
10wa2hb | So I run a racing league on the F1 game. It's something for fun and we have stewards, admins, commentators ect. Last week I had two of my stewards get into a lap 1 incident which the other stewards had to look at and decide what penalty to give. The steward in question (we will name him John for the sake of it) John was upset that he wasn't being listened to and agreed with by the majority of admins/ stewards who showed him the rulebook and explained to him why it was a penalty. John wasn't supposed to argue it as stewards can't comment on their own incidents. John made off comments such as "this is a joke" or threatening to leave. His last comment was "I will be appealing if this joke of a decision is passed". I feel bad as he's a good friend and a trustworthy steward and seeing him upset over a decision a group of us made, made me feel bad.We then penalised him after getting in all of the admins and stewards' opinions knowing full well what was going to happen as he'd told us. So we set up for our usual appeals process which we rarely have to use. The appeals both came in calmly with no nasty words between anyone. Nothing more was said till today in which I got this message in our main league chat " I would like my stewarding privileges removed. I can't be a part of a team that finds me guilty for the incident".I responded with "I did believe that you were a good and fair steward, but that's your decision so I can't make you do it". To be honest I wanted to say how unproffessional and pathetic it was but I thought not to.In conclusion am I the asshole for penalising a steward in my league? | AITA for penalising a steward in my league | NTA |
10wd0t2 | Let me give you a bit of background I had been relayed a “secret” by a friend. But, the secret being told was something I deemed as “morally unacceptable.” He found out somehow - unbeknownst to me and he didn’t say anything until another friend mentioned it in an argument. My assumption was actually wrong and I’d almost ruined a friendship by saying it to that person. Their point is “friends should die by each other”. Regardless of situation. My view is: I want you to learn from right and wrong. Regardless if I’m a dick in their eyes. Am I wrong? Is it conflict of views? Am I a snake? I don’t know. I’m in a situation of I’ve known him for 8 years almost, but I also want to be friends where I know what I say won’t be thrown back in my face 24/7. I’m just unsure on this whole situation.I don’t really want to give too much background as the situation is pretty unique and would stand out like a sore thumb.Edit: The secret was essentially they didn’t actually like “someone” but that wasn’t necessarily what they meant. I misinterpreted the meaning of what they meant. | AITA for not keeping a secret of a friends? | YTA |
10w9ddr | I live with my SO and my MIL and my 10 year old son. My MIL was injured and required extensive surgery. She was already living with us due to her age, so having her on extensive bed rest wasn't any great change to our house except her physical location during the day.She ended up going from staying on the couch in the living room to staying in her room to keep her feet elevated while she healed. We moved the TV from our room into her room to keep her entertained in the meantime as hers had broken not too long before that. I'd been wanting it out for a while anyway due to our bad habits of staying up late watching TV and wrecking our respective sleep schedules, and we still had the one in the living room if we felt the need to watch anything.Fast forward two years later and she's gone from being *very* involved and busy around the house to being extremely self isolating in her room. She's gotten used to getting what she needs and then just staying put. It didn't help that her sister gave her the idea that she "might be in the way of the relationship" between my SO and myself just before the surgery happened which just added fuel to the "I don't want to be in the way" fire. We have tried to explain she *isn't* in the way and we *prefer* her to be out in the common areas so we can all interact but she's convinced herself to stay hidden away. I've made dinner some nights and she declines joining us at the table, taking her plate to her room. I've even asked her if there's anything I've done or could do to reassure her, but she prefers to tell me everything is fine. She is depressed and has worked herself into a maze of doubt. The days that TV hasn't been working, it's like the old days again. She's in the living room watching something amusing that we join in to make comments about. I've even made happy remarks when we spend time out in the common areas together. We've tried to include her in everything we do but there's that stupid nagging demon in the back of her mind we can't seem to conquer. I want to go back to how things used to be, but I can't just yank a TV out from under an old lady without good reason, so I'd rather just... disable it. It was "my" TV from when I moved in, acquired long before my SO and I got together, so I'd be the only one eating anything in actual cost. I don't want to just take a sledgehammer to it as I feel that may misconstrue my intentions behind it. *ME GET MAD ME SMASH SHINY BOX*Get your ass back out here in the living room and be part of the family again, Bernice!I have not talked to my SO about this as I could bet it would sound extreme, but I feel I've exhausted just about every other possibility we've discussed so far. My SO is more of the "talk it out" type but when the other one is so lost in their own mind maze that they no longer believe mere words, then I become a fan of action.>!honestly I'm also still trying to figure out how to pull this mess off so it may be completely moot in the end!< | WIBTA if I break my own TV to similarly break MIL's semi self inflicted habits? | YTA |
10wi3j7 | Long story short: bfs female coworker made an unexpected move on me while out for a girls night and now I’d rather not hang out with her. He thinks I’m being a jerk and overreacting. Long story: Bf asked me to hang out with his coworker. He said she was recently divorced, lost her mom to cancer and needed a friend. I said sure and we went out a few times, she joined our gym, all was going great until the disastrous girls night .After she drank too much, I drove her and her car home and asked if I should take a taxi home or stay over. It was 3am and she said she would get me pjs to stay. I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up to her naked on top of me. She said ‘hey’ and then kissed me.I was in complete shock and felt super awkward after. My partner thought it was hilarious and has repeatedly told me to stop overthinking things and not to be a jerk when I said I don’t want to hang out with her again. | AITAH for not wanting to hang out with my partners coworker? | NTA |
10wcfll | I (22f) have a pretty close and trusting relationship with my mom (54f), i was always a traditionally “good kid” when growing up. Now I live in different city for school, and since gaining some independence, we’ve grown apart a bit. I know some of my lifestyle choices are a bit stressful or disappointing for her to deal with, but we don’t really fight. (i.e she says she doesn’t “understand” my sexual orientation but accepts and loves me, doesn’t like that i smoke weed, would have a heart attack if i told her what was in my nightstand, etc.)The relevant issue here is that of my roomate/friends(also 22f) motorcycle. My mom HATES motorcycles, calls them “death machines”, and has said she never wants me to ride one. She once told me she had an ex-boyfriend who rode a bike so I think that has something to do with it. The problem is that my friend works at the same university i go to school at, and has offered to drive me to class some days to save me the time on my commute. She has her full license, an extra jacket and helmet (we’re around the same size so it would fit me), and has been riding bikes basically her whole life with her dad. I understand that it would still be dangerous (all bikes are) but I trust my friend, and i feel like at this point, maybe what my mom knows won’t hurt her? but i also know if she found out i lied to her she’d be super pissed.would i be the asshole if i got a ride on my roomates bike and didn’t tell my mom? | WIBTA if i went for a ride on my friends bike? | NTA |
10wedzm | for context, i am 14 (male) , my grandmother is 72. i was staying with her temporarily when she came hime drunk and starting yelling at me 💀💀 am i in the wrong??i really dont think i am, but for whatever reason my grandma seems to think so.it was morning and i went to go get breakfast. i got a bowl of cereal. there was just hardly any milk left and i didnt think anything of it, so of course, i used it. my grandma wanted to go to the store that week anyway. later, she found out i had took the rest of the milk. she yelled at me and said she'd need to go to the store that afternoon because i "selfishly stole" the milk. she didnt come back for another 6 hours. i called her to make sure she was okay (before she got home) and she answered, drunk of course, but she wasnt upset. she thanked me for checking on her and told me everything was fine. then, she came home. drunk. yelled for me to come downstairs and went on a rant about how im selfish. saying "you're not the only one in the fucking house, dont take the last of anything. you leave a little bit in there for someone else." i had literally never been told this before. not once in my life was i ever aware that i was supposed to do that. it wasnt necessary. she continued to say, "when i was in fostercare, i was taught to leave a little bit of something behind for someone else. its common courtesy. learn respect for your elders." cussing at me, yelling and just really over reacting. im super terrible at confrontation and scared to death of authority figures. i was scared. i cried and was shaking in fear. i apologized and all she fucking said was "no dont be sorry its already done. i dont care im just teaching you something". im not visiting her for a long time, to say the least. and now im kinda scared to be using the last of any food or drink. should i of known to leave some for someone else??EDIT!! im not staying with my grandma at this moment. im back with my wonderful mom. i am leaving the state soon anyway and wont see her for quite a while. thanks for the feed back. i really wanted to hear similar experiences and if this was really a "common sense" thing. which i recieved those, i appreciate it. thank you. | AITA for using the last of the milk? | NTA |
10wa68z | Apologies for the length; tried to include as much information as possible for balanced context.So my husband (34M) and I (34F) recently moved to a 3 bedroom house. Prior to moving, we lived in a 1 bedroom flat for 13 years. He’s pretty messy and a bit of a hoarder. I’m very minimalist with my possessions and a raging neat freak. When we lived in the flat, our solution to minimise arguments was to have little pockets of our own space. Shelves and drawers that we could each keep the way we wanted. Since we are childfree, we agreed that in the new house we would expand this solution and each have our own room. He has a gaming/music room, and I have an office. The 3rd bedroom is the master bedroom, where both of us sleep. As fussy as I am about the rest of the house, I have been careful to take a “none of my business” approach to his room.&#x200B;We both work full time, and split the bills and the housework. I work in healthcare, so I’m gone from 7:30am - 5:30pm weekdays (I occasionally do case notes from home, hence the office). He works remotely from home every day.&#x200B;We have two cats. They are both 13 and we got them as kittens. Our flat was on a busy road, so they've always been indoor cats. They’ve never shown any signs of distress about this. They seemed perfectly content in our flat and have adjusted well to the move.We love them. They're our babies. I’m more than willing to deal with the not-so-great things that come with cat ownership because they’re far outweighed by the amazing things. I will happily vacuum up fur, scrub hairballs out of the carpet and clean shit out of the bath.&#x200B;Now, onto my potential assholitude. I keep my office door shut when I’m not in it. It’s not locked, so my husband is able to go in if he needs to use the printer or whatever. The reason is to stop the cats from going in there unsupervised. As much as I love them, and I’m happy for them to be in there with me, I would rather they not shred my ottoman and knock my perfume bottles over playing The Floor is Lava while I’m at work.My husband has been deliberately keeping the door open while I’m out. I have requested several times that he keep it closed, but he has argued that he “enjoys opening the house up for the cats in the morning”, that “it’s the cats’ space too” and they “need the stimulation”. I just think that the cats have access to a living room, kitchen, three hallways, 2 staircases (yes relevant, they play on them a lot), 3 bathrooms, the bedroom and my husband’s gaming room (he chooses to allow the cats unlimited access). There are plenty of toys and window sills with the same view as my office, and one more room won’t be the difference between the cats being happy and being miserable. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, when we have two spare bedrooms, to want one room in which I decide what happens when he has the same. But he’s called me selfish and anal and ignores my requests.&#x200B;AITA for this? | AITA for wanting my home office door shut while I'm out? | NTA |
10w8hho | I am currently traveling and have been for the last 2 months through latin/Central America. My friend and I were travelling together over Xmas and a few days into the new year in a foreign country. He returned home a few days into January.He was told that he would have another month off work until his next contract. I encouraged him to come back and travel with me more or go to Korea (his dream destination.) He brushed me off and said no, he wanted to furnish his new rental apartment, go to the gym, have a routine and go on dates in his home city rather than travel… 😵💫😵💫 I got pretty upset about this, because his next 6 months to 2 years were gonna be filled with work and not being able to leave his home city.Now he was told he has another month free and now decided he wants to travel again. He has always wanted to go to Rio for carnival. So here’s the dilemma. I want to get settled in another South American country, my Spanish is decent and I’m done backpacking for a bit and want to chill in one place for a few months. He booked tickets to carnival for 2 weeks. I’m not totally interested in rio for carnival as I’m not a huge festival person. I suggested that we could do a week in Brazil or 9 days then come to the country that I want to settle in or else I’m not going to Brazil as I am done backpacking and tired. He says no because he doesn’t have enough time (but he wants to catch a flight to the north of the country) which is the same amount of time as flying to the country where I want to settle. He says he promises he would visit after his work contract is done but chances are I wouldn’t even be living there then.He is pissed because I am using the same excuse as he did a month ago and he says I’m being selfish. | AITA for not wanting to go on vacation with my best buddy | ESH |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.