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10xy8ef | Hi, I (15F) have anorexia and bulimia (when I eat I puke it out again). I have been dealing with this for about 2 and a half years by myself because my mum (51F) mostly ignored this because she hoped time would heal this. It did not.Eventually I was sent to a special clinic on the 6th of January for about 8 days. I did not finish this clinic for I quit because I felt very degraded and belittled. My mum put me in this place even after I explained my reasons for not wanting to and that this was going to completly kill our relationship. She didn't listen and honestly it did.We used to be pretty close but honestly after this month we have completly drifted apart. I have some blame to take too because I was upset too and have said some nasty things which I later apologized for but it still stung for her which I totally understand.Anyways, we've mostly been living like roommates, we do our own thing at our own time and don't really 'interfere' with one another. As part of my own recovery I started learning how to cook. At first I made meals for both of us but often she'd express that she wasn't hungry and would eat it later or just wouldn't eat which honestly caused some nasty arguments between us because it was hard for me to struggle al alone.I just decided that I would then eat by myself because I honestly felt more comfortable this way, so I started doing that. Ever since recovering I have started to Binge eat at sometimes too because my body is learning to recover and I just don't really know what I can handle yet. Here is where my bulimia kicks in because I have a tendency of throwing it all up after I feel to full.Then my mum (in all fairness to her, I completly understand her frustration) gets incredibly mad at me and always starts screaming. Honestly she screams at me everyday now, even for small things like coming home early from school while her boyfriend is here.Anyways, today I was sitting in the living room and we were just talking and watching TV and she got upset during a dinner scene asking why we couldn't be like that. I awnsered very honestly and said the following:"After the clinic I just didn't feel like I could trust you anymore and I prefer spending time alone these days."She lost her absolute shit.Honestly I would too if my daughter had said this but I warned her before hand that this would be a result of sending me to a clinic after ignoring everything for 2 years and now pretending like she wants to be this mentally involved mother. So AITA for pushing her away? | AITA for not dining with my mum | NTA |
10xzl6q | So I (18 m) live with my aunt. Sometimes in the morning instead of breakfast I just have a chocolate protein shake. I was carrying one around with me the other day while I was getting ready for school and ended up knocking it over on my bedroom carpet (all of the carpet in her house is white). Of course I panicked at first but I've had to get stains out of carpet before so I scooped up what I could, grabbed a bottle of Zout (literally a lifesaver, 10/10 would recommend), doused the carped, and blotted up about 90% of the stain. I then borrowed a carpet cleaner from another family member to finish the job. When I was done, you couldn't even tell anything had been spilled there. Problem solved.But of course it wasn't that easy. The person I borrowed the carpet cleaner from texted my aunt asking what spilled and why I needed to borrow it, which I don't really understand because I had already told her what I was using it for. My aunt texted me and asked if I spilled something so I told her I spilled my shake but it was already cleaned up. She blew up at me saying that I should have told her and that I shouldn't have had any liquids on the carpet anyways, which has never been an established rule. I just apologized and told her again that it was already cleaned up and that there was no visible stain. She said I can't hide stuff like that from her and next time instead of cleaning it myself I should let her know. I was hesitant to tell her for this exact reason, I knew she'd be upset, but idk. Am I obligated to tell her when I make a mess as long as I clean it up? Am I the asshole? | AITA for "hiding" the fact that I spilled something on my aunt's carpet? | NTA |
10xzah5 | I (29F) and my friend (30F) were visiting NYC. My friend is really kind and friendly but also not very socially aware. She’s from a small Midwestern town and this was her first time in NYC, but she has traveled to a lot of states and Europe, so when we planned the trip I had some expectation that she knew how to stay safe and what to avoid while traveling. On our last morning we took the subway from Brooklyn to Manhattan. While we were on the subway it was getting more and more crowded (it was around 7:30am), everything was jam packed. My friend kept making comments about it and was laughing and smiling, we got more attention than I wanted since everyone else was quiet and on their phones. We got to a stop where most people got out but there was one man (in his 50’s) who kept staring at my friend. She looked over at him and then looked back down, so I didn’t think it would escalate beyond that. Then when she looked back over at him and he was still staring, she smiled brightly and said very loudly “Hi!!!! How are you?” (I want to be clear that she was not interested in this dude at all, if she was I would have been fine with her picking him up, it wasn’t that type of situation. Everyone stared. He smiled at her and handed his phone to her with a new contact screen open. She looked down at it and then looked at me. I took the phone, handed it back to him, and said no. Then I pulled her further back in the car and was quiet for the rest of the trip. When we got off I was trying to figure out what to say because I was so frustrated with her. The whole trip (we had gone to Europe as well) felt like 1 long babysitting adventure and I was frustrated because I never expected that she didn’t know how to travel (for example, she couldn’t navigate, didn’t know how to use Google maps or anything else, I planned the whole trip and she never made any input, always saying “oh I don’t know, we’ll do what you want to do.”) I love my friend but my expectations were obviously wrong, I know that now. I did not yell or scream, I just said to her (but obviously angry), “you cannot do that, that was really dangerous, he could have followed us. Did you want to give him you phone number?!?” She said no and apologized but was quiet. I feel bad but I was also at my limit.AITA? | AITA for getting mad at my friend on the subway? | NTA |
10xpyg5 | Throwaway account for privacy reasons. I (29F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for about 8months, we were friends for a year before we became a couple.Recently my mom (60) was taken to the hospital for mental health issues, thankfully she didn’t suffer any life threatening injuries but my family and I were pretty shaken up, she always had bad anxiety since I was young, but my dad and I didn’t realize how bad it gotten. I was sick with worry for my mom and guilty for not recognizing it earlier.I reached out to my boyfriend to tell him what had happened and if I could see him after work.Up until this point I had been telling him how my mother's constant anxiety induced comments throughout our daily lives was stressing me out, so he knew my situation a little bit.He offered kind words asking if I was okay, but also told me he was busy with work and friends the next few nights and the earliest he could see me was 3 days later.When I asked him if he could make time for me after one of the friend plans, he said he would feel so terrible cutting short his time with friends, and it would stress him out.I think that I might have complained to him too much about my situation and maybe I shouldn't have put the burden on him so early in the relationship.But I can't help but feel upset that he couldn't prioritize me over his friends, who he sees almost on a biweekly basis.He told me he loves me recently, but I thought it meant that he'd be willing to be there for me in my saddest moments.I'm not sure if I'm overburdening him with my complaints and I should have a better mental capacity to handle things, and I shouldn't be too reliant on him.AITA? | AITA for asking too much of my boyfriend | NTA |
10xysdc | I know it's been three years, but several people still asked me about it because they saw my post on tik tok or other media.So I wanted to make this post to thank everybody who gave me such kind and sensible advice three years ago. Even though I didn't reply, I read most of the replies, good or bad. And I am thankful for all of you who encouraged me to give my daughter a second chance.I'll summarise it: I went back to Miami and she gave me a heartfelt apology and explained all the dark things her boyfriend was getting her into. We got into therapy once again, she left her abusive relationship and these past three years our relationship has become better than ever! It was not easy, but definitely worth it. I'm glad I didn't give up.Thanks reddit! | UPDATE: AITA for not forgiving my daughter | NTA |
10xv5p4 | Throwaway. I do more than my fair share around the house. I take care of all the animals. I make breakfast every morning for our child. I clean up after myself and my family every day. I stay on top of finances and household needs. Laundry is mostly me. I handle pretty much all the school stuff and Dr appts for our child. I also go to the grocery store every week and have picked up dinner items and things others personally need as I almost always ask if they need anything when going to the store.My husband is the primary cook but doesn't always cook for me as sometimes I like cooking for myself. I still clean up after myself and him. He also sometimes does grocery runs.He went on a long bike ride the other day and said he was going to stop at the grocery store on the way home to get a few things for dinner. This isn't new. He did this a lot last year training for a long ride and using the weight of the groceries to train. He is training again this year. His ride took a while and he texted me he was pretty tired so he might have me pick him up at the store after he gets groceries. I replied saying okay just let me know.He shows up to the house and comes in seemingly upset. He rushes to get changed and says he's going to the store and leaves. I can tell he's upset. When he returns, I ask what is going on. He proceeds to be mad at me for not going to the store. I told him I would have had he asked me or if he simply didn't say he was going to the store at the end of his ride, I would've volunteered to go as I've done in the past. He doesn't care what I've said and acts cold. He won't look at me and just says uh huh. Uh huh. I try to explain that I do a lot and going to the store is no issue as it never has been, but I can't read his mind when he says he's going and then decides he doesn't want to. I told him he could've said, hey I'm tired can you get the groceries instead, but he didn't. Instead he proceeded to make me feel like shit and like I'm lazy/don't do anything. Even while he was gone and almost every time he rides, I'm doing housework. During this ride I cleaned the kitchen and changed litter boxes and cleaned out old stuff from the fridge. It's not like I'm just sitting around doing nothing productive at all while he spends hours on his hobby/physical activity, but he doesn't seem to see it that way. It's like we are living in 2 different realities.So that's why I'm here...AITA? | AITA for not going to the grocery store? | NTA |
10xqdok | Since last year I moved with my girlfriend and her minor brother. Even before then, the consensus was that her brother will go live with their parents after the end of the school year. I didn't try to push the move too much, as I felt more as a guest than "family" as they say and I couldn't request to get their son faster. The summer holiday went past, nothing happened(they still were in the process to convince him to come, which he doesn't want because they live in another country).In autumn their parents had vacation and would come here for 2 weeks, which I hoped meant they will take the boy with them. As a not so big surprise, that didn't happen.December arrived, we went for the holidays to both their parents and then mine, but still nothing advanced.In January I couldn't wait anymore and I started looking for apartments for them(they live in a shared house and have only 1 room now, they want to move in a 2 or 3 rooms apartment and then take the boy with them). In the following week/s they asked me for information(I know the local language) or through my girlfriend shared videos of visited renting apartments or offers found online.Maybe this doesn't sound that bad, but my problem is the following. All this time they said they are looking for apartments/places to live. But before I started looking for them, they didn't have any real updates or didn't seem to make progress. They even went to an agency, which after I contacted the agency, told me they don't help customers find renting, only help the owners rent it. This felt very strange to me, and all throughout this period looks like they just want to create the impression that they are looking for renting.As I side note, my girlfriend wants her brother to leave too, because firstly her parents promised this will happen since 2 years ago, secondly he doesn't really do too much in the house(taking the trash, cleaning his room and getting the clothes in the dryer room -- those as a 16yo) to help us with and thirdly we need some privacy, we live in a tiny room snd can't have our own space(as a couple) while he has the bigger room. And I work from home, using the desk in the hallway, which is uncomfortable(anyone who comes to our home sees me there and I can't have a good position because the desk is old and has too little space to have my legs under it.All in all, I just want him to leave asap(he's even missing from school a ton), but I'm not in the mood to do the job for them and look myself for an apartment, even though I don't really trust them to do it themselves(haven't proved too interested until now) | AITA for wanting my girlfriends brother to leave the house? | NTA |
10y0amr | TA for privacy​So my husband has a daughter, Marie(11), with his ex. Marie unfortunately was born with, for a lack of better words, severe mental disabilities. The way our custody agreement is set is that 1 year Marie lives with us and 1 year with her mother. She is supposed come here next week.This is where I ran into a problem. My husband and I have a son Adam(11 months). First of all, my husband has to go to work and it would be difficult for me to manage both Marie and Adam (especially him), at the same time.The second problem is that Adam is going through a fussy phase right now, and ends up screaming for a long time. Marie has sensory overloads when there is a loud noise, so it would be difficult to deal with it because, A) my son wont stop screaming and B) making him stop would take at least 10 minutes all the while Marie would be suffering.There are other issues but these are the two main ones.I talked to a friend about it and she says that it would be cruel for me to ask that.So I wanted to ask, WIBTA? | WIBTA if I ask my husband to not bring my step daughter over? | YTA |
10y06k9 | I (30s f) am married to DH (30s M). DH was raised by his bio mom for the first few years of his life (his bio dad has never been in the picture, never will be, may as well be a sperm donor). When DH was a young kid, bio mom married “Joe.” Joe is amazing and has always treated DH like his own. DH considers him his father and that’s the end of it. The fact that Joe isn’t DH’s bio dad is just a quiet fact that is known but never really comes up (no reason for it to).Here’s the issue- DH and I have a child. DH has decided he isn’t going to tell our child anything about bio grandpa and is instead just going to never say anything and our child will never know. I was shocked when this came up as I wasn’t aware the information was some kind of secret I was supposed to keep. I’ve been “forbidden” from telling our child anything about it unless something comes up medically to make it relevant. That is “the only scenario it would be appropriate to tell our child.”This seems really wrong to me. It would be like I’m keeping something about themselves from our child. It’s not like I want to tell our child anytime soon (they are still young), but eventually it only seems right for them to know. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but I believe our child has a right to know, ask questions, whatever. It’s their dna too…But maybe I’m TAH because it’s not really my information to tell and DH has a right to keep it to himself?We had a big fight about it and now I don’t know what the right thing to do is.I think I might be the asshole because I want to tell our child information that is not technically mine to give. | WIBTA if I told my kid the truth about their dna someday? | NTA |
10xzyfu | This happened about an hour ago while I was trying to workout in my local gym. So there is only one deadlifting station in my gym and they don’t like you setting up to deadlift anywhere other than on that mat because it’s padded to stop the whole floor shaking or whatever. I’m doing my deadlifting, watching my form in the mirror in front of me and this big dude who I see in there from time to time goes and sets up a bench right in front of me, blocking my view of the mirror. Worth noting that there was 5 or 6 other benches available. So after a few sets I’m a little annoyed but go over and respectfully wait for him to finish his set, and then ask politely “hey I’m deadlifting over there, would you mind standing to one side between your sets so I can keep checking my form in the mirror” which I think is pretty reasonable, I wasn’t asking him to not use that bench, despite there being plenty of others, so not really an inconvenience at all and I put on my nice friendly voice. Anyway the bloke immediately just lays into me “why do you need to look at your little muscles in the mirror” and then a load more comments about how he doesn’t need to use a mirror and he has big muscles so why should I need to use one for my “skinny 8 year olds body”. So I just said “whatever man I was trying to be polite there no need to be a d*ck about it” and walked back to carry on my workout. He then proceeded to keep coming and standing near me during my sets, and each time I finished he would come up to me and sarcastically ask if I could see the mirror enough. I ended leaving after 2 exercises because he wouldn’t leave me alone and every time I tried to reason with him he’d walk away again or keep insulting me. So AITA for asking him step to the side during his rests, I thought it was a reasonable request and I made it quite politely, but now I don’t know if I was being unreasonable based on his very offended reaction. | AITA for asking a guy to not block my view so I could check my lifting form while he was resting between sets? | NTA |
10xwcl9 | I (33m) have a very close friend from high school, Alex (32f). Alex has a kid, Jamie, who is about to turn four. We live four hours apart, so unfortunately, I don’t actually have a relationship with Jamie (that will hopefully change in the next year or two). Alex talks about me a lot and sends me videos of Jamie saying, “hi Uncle OP” and talking to me, so she knows of me. I was able to see Jamie last year for her birthday and a few times when she was a baby. I won’t be able to see them this year, so I wanted to send some gifts. I love giving gifts, and I really love giving surprise gifts. The gifts I’m planning to send are a “Paw Patrol pup backpack role play set” because Jamie loves Paw Patrol, a dinosaur painting kit (comes with plastic dinosaurs and paint, and some other things), and an age-appropriate dinosaur book so she can learn about the dinosaurs she’s painting. I worked hard not to get anything loud or obnoxious while also having creative, educational, and hands-on gifts. WIBTA if I sent this without consulting Alex because I want it to be a surprise? I have no reason the believe Alex would be upset, but if I tell her it’d be a constant battle of “oh, you don’t need to” (and not as a passive aggressive way of actually telling me not to). I know this is silly, but in the last few years I’ve learned I actually don’t understand social etiquettes around things I’m unfamiliar with, like children and parenthood, and it’s caused problems when I absolutely thought they’re wouldn’t be a problem. | AITA if I send surprise gifts for my niece’s birthday | NTA |
10xwc3e | Sorry in advance for any typo, English is not my first language. Fakes names for obvious reasons.I (F,28) been dating my boyfriend Chris (M,31) for 2 years and a half, and we started living together 6 month ago. Chris is someone who can be complicated because of his disease, he has severe epilepsy and need a medication that can alter his mood, which I'm aware and try to understand as much as I can.At the begging of our relationship, Chris was nice and comprehensive, he let me have my freedom. We were both unemployed at the time (during covid) so we spent a lot of time together. But when we both started working things started to crumble a bit. I can't really see my friends last minute, and Chris wants to be invited because we are a couple and we should do everything together. He does invited me when he goes out (which is rare).Same goes for Christmas, vacations, etc. So I invite him but when he doesn't have time off or don't like the vacation (for exemple, skiing) he says he doesn't want to go and expect me to stay with him. it's hard because I like to go out, see movies, going on vacation, etc.Now for the actual conflict : Chris didn't do anything for my birthday, no gift (apparently there is a delay but it's been a month), no going out to drinks or eat (which I did for every one of his birthday) because he was tired and not in the mood. Because my birthday is a bit important to me (he is aware of that) I invited some of my friends to our place but he was mad because he was working the next day (his day starts at noon, so I promised him everyone would be leaving at 1 AM tops) so I invited his friends. He was so busy talking to them he wasn't even here when my friends came with the birthday cake and the candles.So when I told all of that to my bestfriend Val (29, NB), they invited me to their place and told me they will cook a nice dinner. When I told that to Chris, he got mad. "Why am I not invited" "why on a Thursday it's my day off" but I stood my ground and I said that I just wanted one evening with by bestfriend, that I would be home early, etc. Then he said that if one day we should break-up, it would have something to do with Val. It's true that Val is not very found of my boyfriend, because they think Chris is taking advantage of me (I pay 80% of the bills and cook, clean and do most of the chores). But Val is always polite when they see Chris (maybe 3 or 4 times a year). Chris tried to guilt-trip me ("why do you want to go out with someone who hates me") he did before. So that's where I might be the asshole : I said he was controlling and even though its was his day off, I will go no matter what he said, and I would not reschedule my dinner with Val.Now Chris gives me the silent treatment, and says that I don't care about him or his day off. So I'm asking : AITA here ? | AITA for wanting to see my bestfriend alone, because my BF hates them? | NTA |
10xw7bx | Firstly I would like to apologize because English is not my first language.I(16f) have a friend that I will call M (15f). I would not consider M my best friend, but I think I am her only friend, and I have always been kind to her. For back Story, her brother is in the same class as me and I am aware of their family situation, the older brother is autistic and needs assistant in class, and she have a younger brother that is very sick and because of COVID they almost never left the house. M only came back to school a few months ago (her first time at middle school). About a month ago I started to notice M rushing to me the second the break start, and somethings not getting into classes and just waiting outside, but I do anything because M I was saying she's fine asking me not to tell anyone.I found out that she didn't have any friends from her class or her age group, and that she hated her class.and that she only had one friend besides me who was on the athletics team with her, who she had a crush on. I was sad for her, because I somehow knew that guy and I knew that he didn't feel the same way, but I didn't say anything.A few weeks ago, she got injured and couldn't participate in a competition she was training very hard for and was absolutely devastated.I recently notice her not getting into her classes, and just sitting outside of mine. A few days ago she was doing that again and some of my classmate tried to encourage her back to her class, but with no success. When the break came I took care outside and we sat there for a while. She told me she was being bullied, and that she had tried to end her life, and that she is regrets not doing it. I have asked her if her parents know, and she said that they don't, and I am pretty sure that she doesn't get enough attention from her parents because of her brothers. I've tried to get her permission in that moment to tell someone, or tell her that she should tell someone that can help, but she begged me not to because people would say she is "insane and belong in a hospital"(her words). Which bring me to two days ago in the evening, I decided to tell my teacher because I don't know any of hers. I texted her a really long getting detailed message about how I was worried, and the teacher replied and said she's very sorry to hear that and she promised me she will take care of it, and I know she will because she had done things like this before.I haven't been to school since, but I think M is upset because she doesn't answer any of my texts.Am I the asshole for telling on her? Or should I not have interfered in her life? | AITA for telling on my friend? | NTA |
10xw7bc | I (22m) had a dog, but because if various reasons I couldn't take care of him anymore and had to find him a new family asap. I found one, and gave him to them along with some supplies and food that I obviously didn't need anymore. I asked 100€ for this all.This was three weeks ago. They said they couldn't pay me right away, but could in a few days. I agreed to this because I'm naive and was really struggling with the dog, so I was in a hurry.A week went by, and I couldn't see the money on my bank account. I asked about it. The family's mom said "Oh, we have been so tired" (I honestly don't see what that has to do with anything in this situation) and "we don't have money right now, I'll pay next week". I thought okay, next week is soon. I also agreed to get the money in two different days, 50€ each.This same thing kept happening. Always "next week we will pay". Today they were supposed to pay yet again, this time the whole amount as they promised. Of course the money was spent on other things. I threatened to go to the police about this, and she started acting shocked and asking me to be flexible about this. I said I've been too patient. She said she will pay 2 weeks from now. She also said that it's pathetic to go to the police about such a small amount. To this I said "if it's such a small amount why is it so difficult to pay" and she stopped replying.So, AITA for threatening them and losing patience with them?Edit:You guys are missing the point.I know I fucked up, I've said it many times. I'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me.I genuinely think this home and family are great for him. My only problem with them is that they promised me many times but keep giving excuses. I wouldn't have given the dog (who I love) to anyone I would think is bad for him. Yes I was desperate but still, not the first family I came across.Yes I'm naive, I know it. | AITA for threatening to report my dog's new owners to the cops | NTA |
10xz3p7 | I'm currently gearing up for my next job hunt and my mom said I can send my resume for her coworker, Kay, to rewrite. Now, I worked as a tutor and proofreader (including for resumes) for over a year so mine is already pretty good. But I was happy about this because I needed a more traditional version (too lazy to do it) and wanted a fresh pair of eyes on a couple old sections. So I sent my latest version.On Monday my mom forwarded me what seems to be the finished product. I say seems to be because Kay asked if there's anything I'd like changed, so apparently she's satisfied with it. But the file is a mess. Besides the layout causing sections to be difficult to digest, there are a lot of formatting problems/inconsistencies, and roles and project titles are combined into one long, strange title even though it was originally 2-3 different things. There are also many typos, including the misspelling of my name, email, university, degree, and several past employers. Even my phone number is wrong.It's all my original writing but with mistakes that weren't there before. It's obvious she just dictated / retyped it but then she didn't give it even a first read through because words have changed slightly and now the sentences don't make sense, ex. officers to offices, assess to access, objectives to objected. She didn't even use spelling and grammar check because if she had, my degree would say 'Specialization in Europe,' not 'Specializatio in Europr.' There's more but I need to keep this in the word limit.I composed a text to thank Kay for her efforts, explain some of my problems with it, and inform her that I'd rather not use any more of her time and no need for a revised version. I also composed a second text to clarify that I won't be paying her, on the basis that if I had turned this in as a proofreader I wouldn't have gotten paid, and that it's nowhere near ready for use due to the mistakes, so we should just part ways and call it a day.Kay's irate and is insisting she be paid. She's saying I've already received the file and could just use it for free, but even if I wanted to use it I would have to spend the same amount of time fixing it as I would on making a new one. I've told my mom not to pay her and to just forward my messages (I live abroad so can't contact Kay directly), but my mom is hesitant since they work together. My mom is very nice and non-confrontational so she is considering just paying herself to keep the peace since she sees Kay everyday. I don't want to cause trouble for her at work, but to me it's crazy to pay Kay for something that looks like a 'before' photo of the file I sent her. My mom doesn't make a lot of money so if she does this she'll have to find somewhere to take it out of her monthly budget, but obviously that wouldn't be the case if I just paid her myself. So WIBTA if I insist on not paying Kay? | WIBTA for insisting on not paying someone for reworking my resume? | NTA |
10xyr24 | My friend (F40) and I (F38) haven't been seing things eye to eye ever since I started doing therapy. I've been doing my best doing the work of healing myself & working on managing my emotional triggers. My friend, on the other hand is in a "hoe phase" which is fine, but she hates it when I get mad at the men who pump & dump & don't treat her well saying it's just "the hook up culture" and that I'm making her feel bad about her life. Another time, we were talking about self boundaries & showing yourself love instead of continuing to give it to men who don't care. She went off again saying that it's difficult to recognize these patterns so why am I blaming her for not changing it asap. At that point, I had to draw a line. I'm not okay being dumped on by things that are actually in her control.Three months from now, we had a trip planned so I told her lets cool off & just talk then since anything I say angers her. Now, she bailed on the trip because she had a sudden family reunion on the date of our trip and is apologetic about it. It doesn't make me angry but it is a bit frustrating since its non-refundable.At this point, my motivation is low to keep being her friend. She does reach out every now & then but I don't feel happy to engage knowing ill say the "wrong thing" again.I've already Set a boundary in the past so I don't feel the need to say "goodbye" this time around. More of, I'd rather just let it die slowly. AITA? | AITA for not wanting to continue a 26 year friendship? | NAH |
10xvcz3 | So, I play handball and today we had a school competition competing against another school in the city. If you win(we did) you go to the regionals and if you win there you go to the state championship. Now, I in no way blame anyone for my poor performance, I played well in the defense but I was really awful in attack scoring only around 2 out of 8 goals I tried to score, I can only really blame myself for that.Now, my problem is that I was really stressed out before the game(even though it wasn’t a big deal) because I wanted to play well and my teammate “S” kept on pestering, annoying and distrupting me during my warm ups. She is the childish type and always goofs around, now I’ve known her for years and usually I don’t mind it but she just wouldn’t leave me alone. I told her multiple times to leave me alone and go do warm ups and everytime she played it off as us just joking. I still play handball and she stoped playing a few years ago because of personal reasons and since then forgot most things about warm ups before the game. I have certain rituals before the game like for example doing certain exercises in order or having breathing exercises if I’m nervous and kind of talking to myself to just pump myself up you know? Everybody knows this or just lets me be and leaves me alone to do it so I could concentrate better(as do they), but she just wouldn’t leave me alone!Every few seconds she would come up to me and start disrupting me in the middle of the exercise(playing it off as goofing around) or smack my butt hard(she knows I like girls as well so it really makes me mad and uncomfortable when she does that or calls me mommy or act like she’s my wife when she has a boyfriend of over 3 years and I know she has no interest in me and I don’t have any interest in her as well) and all of that combined just made me more irritated and I was just losing my concentration.I yelled at her MULTIPLE times to get away, to stop bothering me and to go do her warm ups and everytime she would just say:”Well I’m just trying to pump you up, when you’re angry you play better!” and laugh, like? She played really well(and I’m happy for her, she’s a great player), but she tried to cheer me up during the game even though she and other teammates know I don’t cheer up myself by having someone tell me “it’s okay” but by getting into the right state of mind.I didn’t tell her she’s the reason I didn’t play well because technically she isn’t, but I feel like if I wasn’t so irritated before the game I would perform better.Sorry that this was so long, but I just wanted to hear some other opinions on this matter. | AITA for thinking my teammate is the reason I performed poorly in the game? | NTA |
10xv4v7 | My gf and I got into a big spat about whether it's appropriate for her to play open (usually all men's) indoor soccer.We play in a social mix league together and I'm happy with the skill level because it is a social sport. After the game the ref asked the group if we wanted to play in the next game since they were a few short. They said it was opens so girls can play, but I think it's an exception for girls with exceptional soccer skills that can play against a full men's side. These weren't and didn't look like the classic social soccer team to me. I asked that she not play and she said she would sit back and watch for a bit.One of the other girls on our mixed team decided it was perfectly fine to join in. I think this girl is a loose cannon most of the time, a broken leg waiting to happen with the way she swings for it, and a contact rate of 40%. I'm cool with this on a mixed team because we're having fun. After she join my gf decides it's alright to join in too. Which I was very upset about and waited till after the game to talk to her. She's a feminist which I love about her, but this is not a girl boss moment because she's not a soccer player. I feel that she doesn't respect men wanting to play rough, and thank goodness these guys pulled back their intensity when the girls joined. But I don't think they should have to do that. I explained that it's their leisure time and they may not enjoy it with girls in their games. For context this sports centre doesn't have men's only just 'opens' and 'mixed'.She, obviously, got upset when I told her these things and to be fair I was quite upset when she chose not to listen to me. She doesn't understand my concerns and dismisses it as a bit misogynistic.Some more context: (I asked her what else to add)When we filled in the team had already forfeited so the game was free. It was also social. I was also concerned for her safety incase someone didn't go easier and really hurt her.Am I the arsehole? | AITA I won't let my gf play futsal. | YTA |
10xqrvg | I, 19 neurodivergent F, received a custom Greek paddle from one of my sorority sisters as part of an exchange. As part of my neurodivergency, i have never really understood proper gift ettiquite after you received a gift. While this does not play a drastic patt or excuse my potentially shitty behavior, this is good context to have for me as a person.The paddle she gave me had a spot where she messed up and used the wrong kind of adhesive. This made the front Star Wars logo look like a big white paper mess on the front. When I went to hang it up yesterday, I couldn't help myself and went over the part she was embarrassed she messed up. In the end, I ended up taking a slight creative detour but kept the original design the same. I asked my bf if it makes me an asshole even if I don't really hang out with her, and she's not going to see it again. He said yes. I know I should've left it alone. I still love and cherish the gift she gave me, but I love it even more now that it feels like it looks complete. I know she's never going to see it again, but I still feel some amount of guilt. I'm thinking about changing a lot of the creative touches I had off. So what do we think, reddit? If something was given as a gift, do I as the owner have some right to change it, seeing as it now belongs to me, and keeping in mind I kept the foundational design the same? AITA??? HELP! | AITA for altering a gift someone gave to me? | NTA |
10xxewv | Me (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been dating for a year and a half we've had our ups and downs but at the moment our relationship seemed stable. This Week i had a huge fight with my parents where my dad got physical with me, thereby i'm staying at my bfs apartment for the next few days. The problem just is that my parents have told me on monday that my 16 year old cat, that i've had since i was 2 years old is very sick and will get put to sleep on friday since she is in great pain and it's best for her if we end her suffering. I have been very depressed since then and have gone home to be able to say goodbye and to spend her last hours with her since she also is very needy atm and craves attention. I've asked my bf if he could take care of me on friday since i'll be a mess after her passing and i don't want to be alone at his place. The issue is that he refused and told me he wouldn't be able to since a friend of his friendgroup is celebrating his birthday in a bar on friday where i wasn't invited to since his friend doesn't like me and i also dislike him since he has always been a jerk to me calling me names, insulting me, and making fun of my selfharm scars and my abuse. I've asked my boyfriend if he could ask his friend if it would be okay if i could come too since like i already said i dont wanna be alone and i cant be with my family atm since the situation is very tense. He told me he would ask on monday but that he doesn't understand why i wanna come there because his friend doesn't like me and he is afraid that i will ruin my boyfriends evening because i will be depressed. I got mad at that because my bf goes out every weekend with his friends and their girlfriends while i stay at home since my bf just dislikes me coming along. throughout our relationship he has only taken me with him 2 times. I just don't wanna be alone i understand that he needs to go there because it's his friends birthday but i dont get why he's scared that i'll make him depressed because i will be sad. It's thursday now and my boyfriend just called me and said that his friend said that i could come too but my bf was rather annoyed and asked me the whole time if im sure that i wanna go since i'll ruin his evening and that i should rather stay at home. I'm thinking about starting a fight over this because i feel really dissapointed and not supported but i'm unsure if im simply being to sensetive. so AITA? | AITA for wanting to go to a birthday with my boyfriend? | NTA |
10xtfmh | I (19 yrs old) just recently got home with my mom from her work and after buying bread, I got into my room to change and charge my phone to watch TV, and my mom got changed in a separate room next to mine where my sister is in. After my mom finished changing and left that room, I was just scrolling on YT on my TV when out of the blue, my sister literally threw and insult at me next room, and to confirm it, she mentioned my name too. Keep in mind that I did absolutely NOTHING but just watched tv in silence, absolutely I never said anything at all before she insulted me.So I told my mom about this and she told me she'll talk to her, again, because my sister did this a few times and my mom had to talk to her to not do it again on those times. Anyway, I came back from my bath and they already started talking, but here, my sister got all mad and defensive about this, then proceeds to call my mom and idiot and that she's stupid, and getting mad at my mom, first of all my mom is tired from work recently. At this point I think my sister is trying to deny it happened just now and get all defensive? or maybe she got all defensive cause she knew said that and just doesn't want to admit it? Either way, she's now accusing my mom for threatening my sister? when all my mom did was just talk to her about what I heard that my sister said against me.After that talk, my mom asked me if I said anything at all to insult or provoke her, to confirm my mom's question I honestly said no, in all honesty, just like I said in the first paragraph above, I did nothing but watched tv in complete silence. My mom also told me about what she and my sister talked about:'that my mom asked my sister if I said anything to provoke her' and 'my sister said there wasn't' then my mom told my sister that 'there was nothing that I said, because he didn't say anything at all, it was just the tv' Which is correctly trueMy mom then told me that whatever my sister is gonna say about me, I should just ignore it and even my dad agrees.But the drawback is this, if my sister insulted me and I'll just ignore it, the drawback is that of my anxiety that connects to my stomach, because both me and my mom have the same stomach problem, if we're in a stressful or anxious situation, it's gonna react to our stomachs. What I'm really scared about now is that, now my mom confronted my sister about what she did, and now my sister is already angry, I have a bad feeling that I fear that my sister will wake up in the middle of the night, go outside to the back of my bedroom's window, and just shout insults at me loud enough to wake me up from my sleep, then my anxiety kicks in from that. And what I'm scared is that I'm afraid of another nasty event between me and her, and my mom is tired and she's not allowed to witness and interfere another stressful situation again cuz it's not healthy for her wellbeing.AITA on this for telling my mom that my sister is insulting me, then my mom is the one getting insulted at by my sister, who just confronted her about it? Am I wrong to tell my mom about this?I'm worried that my sister would insult me loud enough to wake me up at midnight, and then I won't get a wink of sleep, plus I have school tomorrow and a school activity next week that I want to go to!!! To clear something out, our relationship with me and my sister is really not good, like grudge type of not good, it's been like that since last year !!!Edit: also it's pretty funny that she has the guts to insult me not face to face, but then whenever I go outside my and she's there, she's acting all scared and go somewhere else in the house quickly 🤡 coward much?? like she won't even go outside her room if I'm outside, but she has the guts to antagonize me, cuz recently she was all angry to my mom, and then I came out my room and she was there, she quickly left the scene and called my mom in a sweet tone?? What do y'all think? | AITA for telling my mom that my 23 yr old sister is talking crap and insulting me? | ESH |
10xpzli | Am I the asshole for not forgiving my grandfather for his actions? I apologize in advance for the long story, so sit back and grab some tea cause sh!t about to get real. I have lived with my grandparents for the past 8 years ( I am too young to leave on my own, so getting my own apartment is not an option yet ). For starters, my grandpa is a narcissistic, greedy, ungrateful, selfish, self-centered, self riteous, intolerant, ignorant, arrogant, scumbag who I unfortunately have to live with He treats everyone like he himself is superior.Examples, He expects me to clean up all his garbage and describes me and my mother as his maids. He doesn't clean up after himself, and if we don't, it piles up, and we will quickly live in a landfill. When we had dogs, they would lay peacefully on the floor. If he decided they were "in the way," he would harshly kick them and yell at them to move. He also verbally degrades my grandmother and calls her fat. He calls me disrespectful for telling him he can't bully my 7 year old sister for simply existing. He says I am overly loud that I am "taking over the house." All of my belongings are in my room, I don't have a single thing outside of it. There are some longer stories of some of the things he's done. 1.) He abused my mother growing up and now verbally and mentally abuses me, my sister, and my grandmother. He also likes to talk down about my mother and nitpick everything she does when she is literally an overworking angel and does absolutely everything ( bless her heart ) 2.) He thinks he is such a higher power. He is 74 years old, has never worked a day in his life, and likes to brag about how hard he worked for "his" house ( It is all owned by my Grandma ). He says how he likes it peaceful and quiet, except for whenever he's around. This hypocrite has the tv volume at 75, and he will blare his music so loud that you can not physically be in the same room without your ears hurting.3.) When christmas, birthday parties, or even just small celebrations occur, he is always glaring from his crusted over arm chair surrounded by old moldy dishes, complaining about everything.Divorce is not an option either. This is essentially what everyone wants. If Grandma were to file for a divorce, he would get 50% of her hard earned money, the house, and so much more.His mother died not too long ago, the sweetest grandma you could have ever met, and he "takes his time with grieving" by not signing the funeral papers so my grandma could have had her burial with her husband. Her funeral was delayed by weeks. In conclusion, am I the asshole for not forgiving him? I get told I am since he is family and I should love him since he is. He has never once apologized and continues to do these things to this day.I do school and head straight to work right after. It's only for a couple more years until I'm able to move into an apartment for college. Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day :) | AITA for not forgiving my grandfather for his actions? | NTA |
10xv4ci | Sorry for such a minor question but I'm just startled this morning.Yesterday, someone from another group in my division at work ran into a software issue and posted a message in a large Teams channel (our official in-office communication method) asking if anyone could help her figure out what's going on. The issue she ran into wasn't in an area I'm familiar with, but I thought another person in my group might know, so I responded to say "Hey, I think this is \[Jane\]'s area, she might be able to help you" and made her name a tag to alert her to the conversation.Turns out I was wrong, it's a different person on my team who works in that area, and that person answered the question.This morning "Jane" messaged me to say "Hi, I would appreciate it the next time if you would come to me to see if I know about a topic first without throwing my name out there."Did I do something wrong by just tagging her in the conversation? Is it somehow harmful or rude to her to point her out as the person to ask without checking with her first? I'm autistic, so it wouldn't be surprising if I made a faux pas here, but this is a new one to me in terms of workplace etiquette. | AITA for tagging my coworker in a conversation that wasn't her area? | NAH |
10y0f9j | i'll try and make this as short as possible. basically my mother had me when she was 18, and she was an awful parent. she was an addict and put me in all kinds of dangerous situations. despite that, i did love her and i defended her every time my grandparents confronted her, even though i didn't know what happened. she sold my stuff, you can probably guess why, but i didn't care. she's my mom, she obviously needed it. when i was 10 she was sent to rehab. my half-sister moved to another state with my stepdad (who i didn't have the best relationship with), and my grandparents became my legal guardians. i know my mom hurt me and my family, but i love her and i do want to reconnect with her one day. i've texted her from time to time, she's in a different state. my grandparents said that if she ever came back into town, they'd tell me, whether i wanted to see her or not.well, i was talking to my aunt/sister, and she said a few months ago my mom came back in town. i don't want to say where she went because i want to stay anonymous, but our house is at least 2 minutes away. my mother was TWO MINUTES AWAY and they never told me.i brought this up, and they said they didn't want to stress me out. i told them that i'm grown and i can make my own decisions on the matter. they said she wouldn't have had time to see me anyways. but it isn't about that- it's the fact that they said they'd TELL ME if she was back in town. i at least would have liked to know so i can decide what to do. anyways, i called them selfish and stormed off. pretty dramatic, i know, but i was so upset. it cooled down later, but it's been a while and i'm feeling guilty. i think i went too far, they might've just been trying to protect me. so tell me, AITA? | AITA for telling my adoptive parents that they are selfish? | NTA |
10y0dg8 | Link for original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10uib2d/aita_for_bailing_on_a_trip_with_my_mother_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmfI read the rules and hope I’m not breaking any.I saw that some ppl got confused and said things about mother-daughter relationship, I’m a dude. I don’t know if that invalidates the point of my original post, but I can assure my mother-son relationship is very important for me (as much as if I was a girl lol). So yeah, sharing a room with my uncle isn’t creepy, just annoying.UPDATE: Had dinner with my mother yesterday and we straighten things out, good thing I had therapy a day before so I was bulletproof’d to her manipulation.I told her, yet again, how I was feeling neglected and that she overstepped the boundaries I had made. She was really sorry, but both of them already paid and couldn’t cancel without losing a considerable sum of money. I told her to enjoy her trip and good luck in the trips to come because I wouldn’t tag along anymore (as long as uncle was part of it). Again, she cried a lot and suggested that we have another trip in July, just the two of us.That’s what I wanted, right? Well… as soon as I listened to the proposal, I didn’t quite wanted to accept it, I’m still feeling betrayed and more so, the trip that we planned and was preparing for almost 4 months wouldn’t be the same, she will go with my uncle and I have to settle for another destination…I didn’t say “no” yet, I’m not that stubborn and really like to travel with her. It’s just I still got that bad taste in my mouth, but didn’t want to act recklessly. I’m very inclined in traveling with her in July, will just sit on this though for while. Unfortunately I can’t wait too long, otherwise prices will skyrocket.Thanks for all the feedbacks and kind words. Hope this show my relatives that they can’t push me around and infiltrate my well earned vacation. | UPDATE: AITA for bailing on a trip with my mother because she called my uncle to come along without telling me? | NTA |
10y0by9 | Long story short I grew up struggling financially and emotionally because of my father’s total neglect.Made through college with my mother busting her ass, loans, scholarships, grants, whatever we could get out hands on.Most of that sorted out through the years but one small amount of debt remained in a government agency that loans to students in financial distress. Cut to my half-sister from my father’s next marriage (after my mother) going to the same agency to get a loan and management connect the dots that my father is her father so before they approve her application they want to collect the old debt from him (nevermind that we are all adults and they shouldn’t try to collect from him if he didn’t sign for me).He won’t speak to me so he sends another family member on his behalf to demand from me full payment because I am the reason my half-sister will not get her application approved.Not looking for legal advise or solutions on how he can avoid paying, but moral opinions on whether I should foot the bill (it is my debt anyways) or just let him figure it out given the lifetime of neglect he subjected me to. | AITA I (40M) refused to pay an old college debt and it affected my half-sister | YTA |
10y098z | This is my first time posting here, sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language. I (16) and Vick (16) have been friends since forever. I can't rebember a time where she wasn't in my life. Our relationship went to shit last summer. A bit of a backstory, some months before this summer, she told me she developed this huge emotional attachment to a singer (harry styles, because of course). So, in our school, once the year is over, around june, if you have at most 3 subjects under a 5, you have to take an exam at the end of august. I was already stressed out because i already took it last year and it was difficult for me. I was also having a lot of relationship problems with my family, my friends (who were ghosting me because of their personal problems) and myself (my self worth hasn't always been great). My aunt tried to cheer me up by inviting me to a concert. Harry Styles' concert. I had never been a huge fan, but by that time i would've taken anything to distract myself. Me and my other two cousins would stay in lux for a while and then go to france for it. After everything, i felt so much more relaxed and was ready to begin studying. While in the bus, i texted Vick to tell her i went to the concert and if she wanted i could send her the videos i took. She replied half a second later. She started telling me that she was crying, that she didn't get why i would go and she didn't. She also said things such as "AND YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME THE TICKET??" and "but if you were the one obsessed with harry and me the one with the opportunity to go to his concert you would've been my first thought. It's obvious i wasn't yours." and "i would've never demanded that you'd give me your ticket" saying the opposite of what she said before. Also she didn't respect my pronouns, she kept calling me a she. After half an hour of that i blocked her, told someone to tell her i blocked her, and shut of my phone for about three minutes. I didn't want to cry in the bus next to my cousin so i did this. I turn my phone back on and i see the someone i told to tell Vick that i blocked her had texted me that she was told to tell me to unblock Vick immediately. I didn't want to, because by that time I kept saying sorry to every single text she sent, but i did. Long story short, its been a few months. I didn't pass the exams so i failed the year, now I'm not in the same class as her. I found better friends in this new class. She gave me the silent treatment for months, ignoring every attempt for me to try and explain things to her. Now we only wave when we see eachother. My psychologist told me it wasnt my fault and that by the way she treated me, it was obvious that she always had the capacity to do it anytime i did something wrong. She also said that it was obvious from other sings in the years she wasn't a good friend, but i want someone else's opinion. | AITA for not giving my best friend my ticket to a concert? | NTA |
10y07gr | First of all sorry for the translation mistakes, Since the 6th of February Turkey is preoccupied with an ongoing earthquake disaster,There's a lot of dead and wounded people.we are all so sad about that and trying to recover.Me and my friends try our best to help As for what happened.All of the schools in Turkey declared holiday until February 20.And my friend posted a picture of ourselves on her story with sharing that information then i added the story to my private account.A random girl replied to my story saying "You are an asshole because you're happy it's a holiday for school,there are peoples dying and you can find something to be happy about".We didn't even think about the earthquake when we saw the holiday news,we really didn't mean to hurt anybody while posting it.We were just happy for the holiday as all the students!I feel so bad and strange for it.I never thought people would think like that.AITA for posting it? | AITA for being happy about holiday | YTA |
10y04lf | Forgive any mistakes as this is my first hopefully successful post as I haven't quite figured out how this machine works.I have a friend that we'll call Bob. So Bob and I are really good friends, like brothers tbh. We work in the same field and he actually got me a job when times were tough. Bob and I both drive but earlier last year for the better part of a month I had vehicle issues. I made arrangements with Bob to take public transit to his area so he could pick me up and we'd travel to work together. As a gesture of thanks I would provide him with gas money so that it didn't seem like I was not grateful.Recently the rolls have reversed. Bob's vehicle is down so it's my turn to help out. I agreed with Bob that I would meet him near my area and we'd get to work. It's been almost a month now and Bob's always late. I don't like to be late as I feel punctuality shows respect to whatever the destination requires. Seeing as this has become a routine a few weeks ago I told him I'd come to his house and pick him up so we can avoid being tardy which also provides him more time(15 minites) to get ready. Not only has Bob still has not been able to be on time, I also wait everyday in his driveway between 5 and 15 minutes. On top of that, although I don't expect gas money, he hasn't once offered to chip in. I really wanna leave Bob's ass at home next time he's late but once again, he's like family to me and I don't wanna see him suffer or struggle. I also feel like I do owe him for getting me the job as last year was a nightmare for me( take a peek at my page and you'll get a hint) but how long do I show my appreciation? His tardiness is getting old to me and need to know reddit, am I justified to wanna leave him high and dry, or AITA? | AITA. Taken for a ride and I'm running outta gas. | NTA |
10xzztp | I f(14) wrote something to my group Chat about how I needed more of something i collect, and one of my friends (who I'm not that close with) said "who asked?" after I sent that. I stated In my group chat and said "omg I'm shaking in my boots." and then after that I sent a message saying "it's totally not rude at all :)" and now everyone's calling me an asshole because I said that to him. I felt like my feelings were disregarded because everyone else always says random things like that in the group chat and everyone ale responds to them like they are humans, but I get disregarded? i don't know maybe I'm over reacting but I feel like I'm being replaced and pushed out of the group. what do I do and AITA for saying that? | AITA for getting mad at one of my friends for saying 'who asked'? | NTA |
10xyw4r | TLDR; I am a college student with a chronic illness who is absent from class because of that condition. I have accommodations through the school and my professor is aware of them. She is still threatening to drop my grade just because of my absence, my performance has not dropped, I participate, talk in class, do homework, etc. she recommended that I drop the class. I told her to Retire. Am I the asshole in this situation?I (19enby) go to a small private college in New York. I am taking a class about ethics in chemistry. It is taught by two professors, one a chemist and one an ethics professor. Both are tenured and have been working at this college since before I was born. For some context, I am a full-time education student living off campus, I live with my partner who works full time and we share a vehicle. I have a chronic pain condition and am often unable to get to campus. I informed all my professors and this is the only class that is giving me issues. I handed in an assignment late and she emailed me to check-in. This semester is 15 weeks long, we are only three weeks in. The class meets twice a week for an hour and a half each class. I have missed two class periods and one single late assignment. She informed me that these absences will affect my grade by a whole letter. I was in class today and was the ONLY one that answered the professor's questions. This class is exceptionally easy to grasp and takes little to no brain power to participate. I told her that it is not realistic for 2 absences to affect my letter grade. I am a great student who deserves to get a quality education that I am forking over thousands of dollars and countless hours to pursue. It is completely ridiculous for university professors to hold attendance over students' heads. I am not a middle schooler I am an adult who has a life outside of this university and medical problems. She retorted that her attendance policy has worked for her for over 30 years and if I am an education major that I should rethink my philosophy. Is this a question of accommodations? I have medical accommodations because of my chronic condition. She has insulted and misgendered me in response to my voicing my opinion that she is not doing her job as an educator to make sure that her students have what they need to succeed. Am I the asshole in this situation? | AITA for telling my professor that they should retire? | YTA |
10xr7x9 | I (14M) am in the first year of highschool and we have quite a lot of books to carry to school everyday, so one of my classmates suggested that me and him share our books so that we can bring less weight. But I don't feel comfortable doing that because I am a very private person, and because since I go to school by car, the weight doesn't matter to me that much. He comes with the autobus so it really helps him to bring less weight.WIBTA if I told him no, and stopped sharing books.P.S. sorry for the bad English it's not my primary language | WIBTA for not sharing my book with my classmate | NTA |
10xq7ya | Was I (23F) rude to my boyfriend (32M)? Please let me know if I am TAMy boyfriend (32M) was going to cook me (24F) dinner yday. This is the convo Him: think I’ll make some pesto and steakMe: pesto and steak?Me: I may have Mayo instead xHim: wow way to shoot me down. Not great when your first immediate reaction with to shut me down. I'm just gonna communicate it rather than keep it to myself - It's not a nice feeling when someone's first reaction is to shut down something I've said, especially in the context of when you're talking about cooking something for that person. I would hate to think that I'd ever do that to you, it's not great and it's something I would never do.It's not a big deal but that how i felt above, I hadn't even finished talking through what I was making before your negative reaction. You've done it a few times as well and I don't like it and it ain't nice or respectful. Stop doing it plsMe: I’m sorry I’ve made you feel that way, it’s not my intention. It was just a flippant reaction but shouldn’t have said itHim: I shouldn't have written it isn't a big deal. It is defs something I've communicated previously and I find it disrespectful and is something I've become more aware of and have mentioned a few times now. It'd be nice to receive positive, encouraging things rather than the opposite or feel the things I've said are invalidated. Anyway, I've said my piece, thanks for acknowledging it.Anyway, we need up having an in person chat and he was mad, shouting at me, saying I was rude and disrespectful. He sometimes takes things I say as being rude, in example being we went skiing and *I* had to organise everything and get him to his lessons on time, I asked him to please hurry up as we were going to be late, he didn’t, I asked him to again and he said i was being disrespectful and using a tone he didn’t like.Ironically, last week he decided to inform me that a ‘work friend’ he’s mentioned on multiple occasions and who he meets outside of work by himself on a regular basis is in fact an ex. But apparently THIS is much more disrespectful Anyway, am I in the wrong here? I’ve apologised many times as I get my comment wasn’t nice but I don’t think I deserve thisAITA for being rude towards him? | AITA (24F) for being rude to my bf (32M) in a comment about dinner? | NTA |
10xvrs9 | My friends are calling me a major AH, but I don't think I am.My partner is a terrible communicator.He will agree to call me at a certain time, then he will shut his phone off.Or I'll ask him a question and he won't respond for 7-8 hours.It frequently happens where he goes into DND, or just won't answer his phone, or whatever reason.I finally called out his manipulation when I was getting ready for a big event and he didn't respond because he forgot.Reddit AITA?He's going through a tough time at work, but communication issues have always been there | AITA for saying "I know your manipulative games"! | NTA |
10xtp7j | two weeks ago i decided to hold a tournament for the game dead by daylight. ive loved it for years and recently got back into it. i setup a server on discord, made brackets, rules and perk bans.when i started advertising it one if the first people to join was a guy im gonna call K. now K had hosted tournaments before on his server and of course to him that meant he knew everything and that he should 100% tell me what to do as well. most of the time i didnt listen and carried on doing it my way. (i should add that this isnt a serious tournament, its for fun and there are no prizes or anything)recently people have been dropping out because of work issues or lack of intrest so i told everyonr it might need to be cancelled. everyone was fine with this, some even helped me out.a new person joined the server and went to the apply channel to join a team, K thought it was a good idea to dm them and recruit them himself. i confronted him about this and here is how that went:k= *me- /hey, not sure if you're getting this but please remove the people from team 2 as three of them left the server. Also add Sarah to our team.*whose sarah?/I messaged her and going to have her on our team*please dont add people to your team by yourself. you didnt all apply as one./I didn't know we need to. Also you have to realize 60% of our team left 🤣At this point we have spots to fill*everyone does/Yeah but your words was we didn't all apply as one. In the beginning we didn't need to do that lol If that was changed, I personally wasn't aware of it*no thats how its always been/Plus she has two other people she's bringing so that benefits our team anyway since we lost three of them.*you dont accept people into other peoples tournements? its just common sense/What are you talking about?All I'm doing is looking for a replacement since three of our team members left Otherwise how are we going to get members 🤣*Okay I realize what you meant by that now. What you're saying is you decide who goes into which team essentially. No comp on this planet does that 🤣*well i fucking do? yknow it gets pretty annyoing when someone is telling me how i should run my tournament./If I'm not allowed to add people to our team then isn't it your job to find replacements?*what does it look like im trying to do?/this is most of the conversation, there are a few messages after but they arent that important and i havent responded yet. AITA for doing this? | AITA for canelling a tournament? | YTA |
10xpwbn | Alright, little backstory to start…I (17m) had a serious problem with pills 3-4 years ago and it really stirred my relationships with both family and friends. I was roughly 5’7 145 lbs at that time (still loved to eat lol) I didn’t tell anyone except my closest friend “KD”. KD (16f) was (and still is, truthfully) someone I feel like I could trust with anything. I went cold turkey in 2020, a few weeks after the lockdown started and she was on the phone with me every night talking me through my problems. Since then, I’ve gained about 100 lbs and stand at 5’11-6’0. I’ve also grown a new insecurity that not many people, apart from KD, know about. Now for the main story…About 2 months ago, I got a ft call from KD just as I was getting ready to leave work. I answer, and it isn’t KD but one of her friends “WG”. I greet WG even though I’ve only talked to her maybe twice and asked her where KD is. “Are you the one who keeps calling me a white girl?” I froze for a second , because what? “No?” I said. She then tells me that KD told her I’ve been calling her a white girl, along with “You need to get in the gym” and “your new years resolution should be a gym membership” etc etc. She then hands the phone back to KD and I hear everyone at the table laughing, i just hangup the phone in disbelief. I waited about a week and sent KD a vm saying that it was wrong for her to not say anything to her friend and laugh about something she knows I’m sensitive about, that i feel betrayed for telling her so much about my life when she wasn’t willing to back me up when it came to her friends. She texts me that she didn’t hear her say anything and that she never laughed, to which I told her I SAW her laughing and that the fact she covered her ass instead of apologizing for her friends speaks volumes. That even if she didn’t hear her, when she found out that something that disgusting was said that she should’ve let her friend know it wasn’t ok. She said I was being selfish and petty to believe I deserved an apology for something she didn’t do and was out of her control. I think this was an overreaction while I was overthinking a situation that doesn’t really matter in the long run. AITA? | AITA for telling my friend off after she let her friends make fun of my weight? | NTA |
10xpmmf | My friend, Sarah and I, have been good friends since secondary school. We drifted for a while since I we went to separate unis, I dropped out and then got into a relationship with a guy who didn’t allow me to see friends. Thank god that’s over. Fast forwards to now and we’re both around 28. From 20-26 Sarah was dating a girl, they lived together and got a dog together. We saw her girlfriend, Kim, a lot and we eventually all saw Kim as a really good friend. I felt it was a bit different to when your friend has a boyfriend, you don’t tend to be that close with them, but with Kim it just felt like one of the girls/one of our group. Over time we became good friends, not just myself but Kim also formed good friendships with our other school friends.In 2021 they broke up but continued living together, it was quite messy. Sarah was the instigator of the breakup and had wanted it for quite a while, whereas Kim was left still wanting to continue it. Sarah quickly got a new girlfriend who I absolutely love, they moved in together and have been together over a year and are very happy. Because she has a dog, she has to live a bit further out of our city so I don’t see her as often. Kim however moved just 5 minutes away from me, and I see her a few times a week for a lunchtime walk since we both WFH.I have been working at a job for 6 years that I’ve come to hate, and I’m finishing up in just over a week. I realised I had 2-3 weeks off afterwards that I’d want to go travelling in, and I threw the idea out to Kim that perhaps we could go. With just 2 weeks before, I didn’t really expect it to materialise. I needed to book something asap, and it just happened quite quickly. I then was thinking about it more, and decided to give Sarah a heads up out of courtesy. I thought it would be fine since she ended things and is now happy with her new partner, she knows that we’re friends. Turns out it is not fine. She says she finds the fact that we’re all friends with her ex difficult. I even went on holiday last year with Sarah, and it’s not like I don’t also still maintain our friendship. I honestly didn’t think she’d react this way, since she has a new girlfriend and seems so happy. | AITA for going on a trip with my friend’s ex girlfriend | NTA |
10xsksq | So my mum and I got into a fight tonight over my boyfriend. My mum asked me if my partner was going to stay the night. I told her we weren’t and that I would be spending the night at his place. For context we live in a 2 bedroom apartment. There is my mum her partner me my partner and my cousin. My cousin is just visiting and does not live with us. My mum has said she doesn’t like my boyfriend staying with us so much and only wants him to stay 2 nights a week. This is odd as she had no issues in the past as I have had over partners stay with us more. Even having a partner mine in and live with us in the past. She said she was unhappy he had spent the day at my home. He usually works today but he is sick at the moment. TBH he has a horrible hand infection.She said it felt like an invasion of privacy. She complained because she had to be in her room to smoke bud because she doesn’t feel comfortable doing it in front of him. Also weed is illegal where I live and she is a chronic smoker like can’t get high anymore type. She also said it was too much time to spend together and it was strange he was so happy hanging out with our family. I felt judged and hurt by this. I told her I didn’t know he wouldn’t be at work today because he was only told to stay home earlier the same day. I also told her she had a lot of nerve for telling me what to do considering she had told me she was going to borrow 85K earlier that week at the bank. I told her no. She has been making a lot of bad choices lately. Her partner lives there rent free also. If it was just about space as she claimed she wouldn’t have let my cousin stay for 2 weeks on the couch. She also offered to let her move same with her partners son. She has a lot going on in life. She has lost another court case. And i don’t think she is happy with her life and how things ended up. And it’s like given the circumstances, what would she like me to do? I wouldn’t probably come back and visit if my cousin wasn’t there. I think it was was completely unfair to attack me like that by myself. Obviously, my partner is the most important relationship in my life at the moment, so any attack on him, essentially also attack on me. I feel It’s judgmental i don’t tell her how to live her life or what to do in her relationship. I feel like she has hurt my relationship My partner doesn’t want to come over every again. He feels uncomfortable and unwelcome . However I feel like I need some outside perspective so am I the asshole ? | AITA for screaming at my mum and leaving the house ? | ESH |
10xsevo | So my mum and I got into a fight tonight over my boyfriend. I was making some food for everyone for dinner and my Partner was out buying some ingredients. My mum asked me if my partner was going to stay the night. I told her we weren’t and that I would be spending the night at his place. For context we live in a 2 bedroom apartment. There is my mum her partner me my partner and my cousin. My cousin is just visiting and does not live with us. My mum has said she doesn’t like my boyfriend staying with us so much and only wants him to stay 2 nights a week. This is odd as she had no issues in the past as I have had over partners stay with us more. Even having a partner mine in and live with us. She said she was unhappy he had spent the day at my home. He usually works today but he is sick at the moment. TBH he has a horrible hand infection.She said it felt like an invasion of privacy. She complained because she had to be in her room to smoke bud because she doesn’t feel comfortable doing it in front of him. She also said it was too much time to spend together and it was strange he was so happy hanging out with our family. I told her I didn’t know he wouldn’t be at work today because he was only told to stay home earlier the same day. I also told her she had a lot of nerve for telling me what to do considering she had told me she was going to borrow 85K earlier that week at the bank. I told her no. Her partner lives there rent free also. If it was just about space as she claimed she wouldn’t have let my cousin stay for 2 weeks on the couch. She also offered to let her move same with her partners son. She has a lot going on in life. She has lost another court case. And i don’t think she is happy with her life and how things ended up. And it’s like given the circumstances, what would she like me to do? I wouldn’t probably come back and visit if my cousin wasn’t there. I think it was was completely unfair to attack me like that by myself. Obviously, my partner is the most important relationship in my life at the moment, so any attack on him, essentially also attack on me. I feel It’s judgmental i don’t tell her how to live her life or what to do in her relationship. I feel like she has hurt my relationship My partner doesn’t want to come over every again. He feels uncomfortable and unwelcome . However I feel like I need some outside perspective so am I the asshole ? | AITA for screaming at my mum and leaving the house ? | NTA |
10xvmdl | I (13m) have very long hair. My mom was out on her daily trip to the bar, and i was left with my grandma, when i walked in she said “youre not my grandson!” i was confused and asked what she meant to which she replied:” youre my granddaughter! look at your ugly hair!”i was taken aback and just gave her a dirty look and sat down, then she went on about how no girl would ever want me and that i would die alone, i was so hested i told her to fuck off and never talk to me again.i walked out of her house and walked a little over a mile to the bar my mom was at. she was very upset snd grounded me for a month because my grandma called and told her what had happened when i was walking to the bar.i may be the asshole because even tho what she said is fucked up, she is still my grandma after all and i dont want her to never talk to me again. | AITA for telling my grandma to fuck off and never talk to me again? | NTA |
10xql5w | Me and my gf planned on Friday night that we would meet up at a location to have lunch at 3pm because she had work there and because I won’t have lunch at home. it’s 20+mins from my home. On that day (sat) I got up late around 12.15pm and chatted with her till 1pm. At 1.20pm got a message from her saying she will finish at 2pm. I couldn’t make it, tried to rush because I didn’t wana to argue. At 2pm she just tell me I don’t have to come anymore since I’m not out yet, that she will go back home and ask her parents to pack food for her. I tried to remind her we had a plan and I won’t have lunch at home since we agree to have it together and I’ll depart in 10mins. She complained about having to wait for long and told me I was supposed to leave at 2pm. After implying that she didn’t want to wait, twice, she just said “take ur time”. I got super annoyed about it and voiced out the fact that she had to understand that she changed plan at the last hour and should’ve been more understanding and tolerant that I couldn’t make it on time. I did not tell her I got some errands to run since we agreed on 3pm because I know I could make it. That got heated up and started an argument. Also tried to explain that it’s not fair for me for her to be pissed at me when she changed the plan and she should’ve either waited or suggest something an alternative since she implied strongly that she didn’t want to wait for me. So Am I The Assh*le? | AITA for not being at meeting location when my gf finished her errand earlier? | NTA |
10xq7ei | Some months back, a boy, let's call him Sad from my class and i dated each other. But it lasted only a day. It was because he was acting very cringey and i couldn't handle it. Even though we were in the same class, we never really talked with each other before let alone exchange greetings. He asked me out not because he liked me or anything but because he just wanted to be in a relationship because his friends were making fun of him. And i also said yes because the relationship was just going to be casual one. After the supposedly one day relationship ended, everything was like before. I didn't talk to him, he didn't talk with me. It was just like we were doing our own things. Then, one day he texted me and asked if I had finished writing the observations for the practicals (we both take science) and asked me send him the photos if have finished. Sending photos of observations was common between friends. But the thing is Sad and i were never really friends to begin with. But as he was my classmate, i sent him the observation notes for chem, bio and phy from beginning till the end. From time to time, he asked for various notes and i sent him. Around Christmas last year, we had special classes in school for 5 days. I was sick and couldn't attend classes for 2 days. But S attended all the classes. After the classes were over, he again texted me to send him the special classes notes apparently because he couldn't read his handwriting. I told him i was absent so i didn't have the notes with me. But the audacity of this guy! He told me to copy the notes quickly from my friend so i could send him. I was mad. So i told him i didn't have time for it and told him to ask his friends. Some days back during exams, he again asked me for observation notes. The timing he asked was really not a good one. I was really stressed during that time and he wasn't even considerate of my time. He kept begging and told me to ask my friends to send the notes, which i didn't. He was not someone who didn't have any friends. In fact, he was friends with all the guys in our class and half of the girls. And there's even this girl who he's been chasing for so long. But instead of asking them, he asked me who he has never talked to in person (yes, we've never talked in person) and sometimes was inconsiderate when I was sick but still kept asking for notes.AITA? | AITA for not sending class notes to my ex anymore? | NTA |
10xpvvn | the title is weird, i know. i (13M) have struggled with my mental health for about 2 years now. my mother knows this. i had an awful day at school today as well, and when i got home i just went to bed. my mum (48F) came in and dragged me out of bed to come eat some dinner before going back to sleep. i have an eating disorder (yes i have been diagnosed) and usually when im not having a great day i really struggle with eating. my mother again knows this, and she knows when i go take a nap after school its because its been an awful day and i need a break from socialising and im overstimulated (im autistic, once again diagnosed).i get into the kitchen and she takes out some cheese and asks if i want some. i politely say ‘no thank you’ and smile. she begins to cut me some anyway and says that im too skinny and should eat some. i once again politely decline and say i dont want any. she then says ‘come on, i bought it because i know you like it, just eat it’. by this point im on the verge of tears because i didnt want to wake up, i didnt want to eat anything, but im doing it anyway and now she wont let go of some dumb cheese. i tell her ‘ive already declined twice, i dont want any’. she said ‘if i got this angry st you whenever you didnt listen id be angry st you all the time.’ she says im being unfair and rude and that im overreacting.i dont think i am, and she always does this with food even though it just makes me upset.AITA?edit - accidentally typed her age wrong | AITA for getting upset when my mum kept offering me cheese? | NTA |
10y0vp1 | Background: Me and my wife have a 3 year old Tommy. My wife has a friend "Stevie" she's known him since high school and they are very good to best friends. I have 3 brothers, my wife has one sister. Stevie means well but he's never been good with boundaries. He lives nearby so sometimes will pop in unannounced. Before anyone insinuates anything, he's gay, there's nothing romantic between them. Most of the time he's alright around Tommy but something that really grinds my gears is that lately he's been calling himself "Uncle Stevie" to Tommy and uses that word all the time. We are trying to teach Tommy what words mean and family relationships. Since he has 3 bio uncles + my SILs husband as an Uncle I've asked him to stop that so he learns what Uncle means. He'll say ok and go right back to it. I don't care if he wants a nickname but we are trying to teach our kid a vocabulary and its confusing him. My wife agrees and has asked him to stop but when he doesn't listen she just says whatever. Yesterday he came over unannounced again and did the same thing and we kind of got into it. My wife says Im overreacting and should just get over it. Maybe she's right but it really annoys me, admittedly more than it probably should. Am I just being an AH here? | AITA for telling my wife's best friend to stop telling our kid he's their uncle? | YTA |
10y2aqd | My (20M) girlfriend (19F) is autistic and her special interest? (I think that’s what it’s called) are stuffed animals. She collects hundreds. But her favorites are these bunnies made to represent emotions. (Think edgy care bears)She’s told me multiple times to never hurt or take away her stuffed animals. (An ex would take them away from her as punishment) I’d never dream of causing harm to something so important to her.Her favorite bunny (the angry one) has gone missing. I knew she was attached to her stuffed animals, but ever since she realized he’s gone, she’s been going off the walls. She can’t sleep and spends hours searching for him every day. If she does sleep, it’s because she cried herself out. She hasn’t been doing her online classes because she’s been spending so much time searching every part of her entire house. It’s basically consumed her entire life for the past week almost.While I was FaceTiming her last night, I said that she should check by her nightstand for her bunny. She asked me why, and I told her that I saw him fall there before we left to go to my house last Saturday.After hearing that, she became distraught and started saying that it’s my fault her bunny is gone. In her mind, I watched him fall to his death and did nothing.I know her stuffed animals are important to her, but we were on our way out the door and I thought nothing of it. I didn’t even remember that I saw him fall until last night.AITA?Edit: Please stop telling me to leave her over this. She is an amazing woman and is incredibly deep, intelligent, and thoughtful. Yes, she has some eccentric tendencies and is very attached to her stuffed animals. But I love seeing how happy they make her. | AITA for “disappearing” my girlfriend’s stuffed animal? | NTA |
10y07ae | I live in California.Law and local ordinance says an apartment must have a kitchen sink and have no less than 250 sq feet of living space.I rented an apartment for 1.5 years that had neither of these things.I still live in the same apartment building but in a new unit that has all the state and city requirements. This month all covid relief for rent payment is over, and the landlord is getting serious about collecting rent. I’ve been consistently paying my rent on time all through covid, and have not taken advantage of the system like some other tenants did. This month I happened to be a little behind because my bonus came late, and agreed to pay on the 15th when I get paid. The landlord and I had this conversation and said not to sweat it I won’t get a late fee or anything and should be back on track to pay on the first for march’s rent. Queue a knock on my door and being delivered a 3 and 30 legal notice. This basically says I have 3 days to pay up or 30 days to move out. This is a bonafide legal notice and the first step in getting a tenant evicted. Needless to say I’m livid about it because we had this conversation and instead he still decided to hit me with a notice like this. I knew this unit was illegal after about a year of living in it, but thought I’d be cool about and not pursue anything since I was in a tough spot and I liked the location. But after this nonsense and me having to scramble and get my paycheck early I’ve decide to start the legal process against this illegal rental.The good news is I’ll get back around $30k in rent if I win the case. The bad news is a few tenants that now rent the illegal units will probably have to leave until they can convert them and make them legal again. Ultimately, I was taken advantage of and so are these tenants (who will likely be able to get back rent too and find a new place) I’d like to prevent others from being robbed like this and also bend him over a legal barrel cause that’s what he’s trying with me. Am I the asshole here? | AITA for suing my landlord for back rent over an illegal rental? | NTA |
10y1en0 | Edit: up top I should clarify that I intended to say “acting like a scold/jerk” because I realized the usage of the word “narc” can mean both tattle tale and shorthand for narcissist, neither of which I’m going for but the intended meaning is closer to the former Okay, so I have this friend I’ll call Penelope. Penelope is a friend of mine from college who I’ve known for many years. She’s very smart and generally fun to be around. But recently I’ve been getting progressively more annoyed and even angry with her online behavior regarding COVID. Penelope is already an anxious person prone to agoraphobia, and the pandemic has absolutely worsened these things within her to the point that I worry about her mental health a lot of the time. I try to be understanding of this, but she has a tendency to shame me, other friends, and even strangers online for how we choose to behave in public. For the record, I’ve done my best to do things “right” regarding COVID: I’ve had all my shots, I mask up in public, I stay home when I’m sick and I try to test before I go to any big gatherings. While it is absolutely still a massive problem that our (US) government has totally dropped the ball on and should be doing more to fix, I also acknowledge that we are fundamentally at a different point than we were in 2020. I have more or less “returned to normal”, just with masks and some modifications. This doesn’t fly with Penelope AT ALL. She is at essentially the same level of alarm I’d expect from someone in the thick of the pandemic back in March/April 2020. She’s gone on rants in our friend group chats before about how we’re all risking our lives if we go to a movie or go out to eat. One time she saw my friend post a picture of himself WITH A MASK ON and replied “that should really be a KN95 but it’s your funeral”. I don’t post any pictures in that chat where I’m not wearing a mask anymore unless it’s of me alone in my house because I know I’m going to get an earful about how “you’re making life harder for the immunocompromised by gathering with people you don’t live with (those people being the five or six friends and family members I actually live by and see regularly since I live alone). I swear to god she must key word search for things on twitter because basically her entire social media presence is her quote tweeting people taking unmasked pictures together and shaming them. Thinking about, being worried about, and getting angry with people about COVID is 80% of what she talks about now, and I find it incredibly draining. I’m frankly getting kind of tired of being told by her and people like her that I am personally doing eugenics against the disabled for going to a bar maybe once a month. There has to be a middle ground here between “no rules everyone free for all COVID is harmless and isn’t even real” and “everyone who leaves their house is my sworn enemy”. Am I a jerk for not engaging with her about this and being mad about it? She’s actively pushing people in her life away as a result of this and I just worry she’s going to become a total recluse because of her one-woman crusade on all things COVID. | AITA for thinking my friend is acting like a narc? | NTA |
10y0ir5 | I (30F) have a college friend (29F) that I used be sort of close with. She considered me her best friend at one point, but honestly, I never felt that way about her.For context, she was that really needy friend who didn't make the best life choices. She'd sleep with the worst men, cry about it, and repeat the cycle. It was so toxic. One day, she met this Korean guy that she dated and got pregnant with. She knew I hated him. For one, he verbally and physically abused her, even when she was pregnant. Second, she even dropped out of college because of him. I tried my best to protect her, bec even though I never felt close to her, she's still a good person and did not deserve that.When she got pregnant with his kid, I asked her over and over again if she was sure she wanted to be with this person. Take note: her family would have been perfectly able to help her raise the kid. She told me she was fine and that he was trying his best to change.Long story short, they got married, moved to S.Korea and had two more kids -- that was 9 years ago. We stayed in touch, and unfortunately, he continued to do bad things to her. I tried as much as I could to help her, whether it was listening to her or being there when she needed to talk to someone. However, the cycle kept continuing, and even though she knew the guy was terrible, she kept choosing him.Eventually, we stopped talking as much. Didn't even greet each other on our birthdays, Christmas, etc. The falling out happened over a span of 4 years.Cut to a couple of weeks ago, after 4 years of not talking, she suddenly calls me to tell me she was coming back. Of course I asked why, but she said she'd talk about it with me once she got back. I don't know what happened to her over the course of the 4 years she was gone. Her reason for coming back was bec "Guy told me to try and do something for myself and find my purpose" (wc I call complete BS). Not only that, but she's even bringing her three kids -- without her husband.But here's the thing, I don't want to talk to her or reconnect with her. When I talked to her, it felt so heavy, like something I shouldn't get involved in. I'm touched that I was the first person she called about the news, but honestly, I'm in a very diff place than I was 9 years ago. I've got my career set out, I'm supporting my family, and my mental health has finally been getting better after years of PTSD. We're at two very different places in our lives, and I really think it'd be unfair for me to be there for her the same way I was before bec I never saw her as a "best friend"She's been asking to meet, and while it is true that I have been really busy, I don't think I have the emotional capacity to help her out, nor do I think I have any resources to help her. | AITA for not meeting up with a friend who had just moved back? | NTA |
10y032n | So my now ex bestfriend (we'll call her Margarot) got mad at me for not inviting HER 2 friends (we'll call them Lizzy and Pam) to MY bday party. Pam and Lizzy were not my kind of crowed, we never could see eye to eye. I always made sure to distance myself from the 2 of them cause they reminded me of the mean girls who used to bully me in high school, and I didn't want them there cause ik they would screw up my day. They always do btw. So I just figured it was my day and I just wanted my close friends there to celebrate w me. But a couple of days prior Margarot asked me why Lizzy and Pam haven't received their invites yet. I told her I didn't want them there cause they're not my friends their hers and I just wanted a small intimate dinner w my closest friends. She got mad and call me a selfish B, basically telling me I could stick my invites up my a**. I was so taken aback cause I've never see this side of her. It's what shocking to say the least. I just kept my mouth shut and asked her to please leave before I say something I'll reget. She left, red face and pissed. I just figured she needed to calm down and reflect a bit. But little did I know this wasn't the end of her outburst, she and her 2 friends decided to crash my bday dinner. They showed up and acted like nothing's wrong. At this point I've had enough and I was pissed. I asked them to leave, they refused and said they didn't understand why I was throwing a tantrum and called me a baby and that I should "stop whining, jeez." This is where the fun begins !!! I just kept quiet, me and my other friends ordered the most expensive food and beverages. I texted them my plan in our group chat, they all agreed to it. We played nice for the remainder of the night. When we were sated we told the we wanted to take pictures outside, they were still busy eating and in deep conversation and didn't pay us any mind. We left the restaurant without paying, I sent Margarot a message as we got into the Uber thanking her for my Bday present. She responded asking what I was talking about. Replied "the dinner bitch, much appreciated. Love you xxx." We haven't spoken in 2 years. | AITA For not inviting my bestfriend's friends to my Bday party and getting revenge ? | ESH |
10y1j6w | I (21f) am currently 31 weeks with my first child, its a girl. I am currently on the fence if i am the asshole in this situation. All this started when my step-dad paid for a repair on my car (I have that posted to my profile for more context) Even after I told him for the reapir not to be done and that I was going to find another solution.Well now they're constantly messaging me when will I pay him back. Its been an ongoing issue. Well my mom is hosting a baby shower next month for me but is demanding to pay back the money I "owe". I cannot pay her back since I only work part-time not making much and will have no paid maternity leave. Which she knows. She has given me so much stress regarding this issue and I have reached my limit. I told her to cancel the baby shower and get her deposit back from the venue if she needs the money that bad. I said this due to her constantly asking for the money when she knows I do not have it. She had caused me so much stress, anxiety, anger and sadness through out this whole pregnancy and I offically reached my limit. My MIL was already hosting a baby shower for me and knows the whole situation and has said to invite my family to the one she is hosting so I can have them there. Well this pissed my mom off even more claiming I am denying her rights to my daughter. I am not denying her anything. I am just so mentally tired from her. Especially since I know my baby feels my emotions and I do not want her to feel anymore negativity.Now that I am more calm I am questioning if I made the right move. I am just so tired of my mom wanting to control my pregnancy and have everything her way. I am tired of her not respecting my decisions and emotions. | AITA for Canceling a Baby Shower my Mom is Hosting? | NTA |
10y17w7 | A little background… my mother in law had a major surgery over a month ago. I work from home and help with the kids. My wife stays home watching the kids and doesn’t have a paying job. We have 3 little kids under the age of 6. Everyday for the past month, my wife has been at her mom’s house, helping with drains and keeping her company. Leaving me with the 3 kids while I work from home for most of the day, everyday. I’ve been more or less ok with this arrangement. But it slowly and gradually became more and more of a strain on me. And it doesn’t help that my wife’s father and siblings could help out more… but they simply don’t.So it all came to a head yesterday. My wife went and got her hair done. I’m ok with that. She hasn’t had her hair done in a long time and she deserves a little time off. But then after the appointment, my wife called and said her mom needed a car ride to the doctor. My wife asked if I could stay with the kids a few more hours and pick up the oldest from school as well.Me: Ok… where is the doctor? Her: A couple blocks down the street. Me: Why can’t her husband take her? Her: Because he is picking up a grandkid from school. Me: So what was her plan to get to the doctor? Her: She was going to drive herself.Me: And why can’t she drive herself?Her: She can, but she really shouldn’t be driving until 6 weeks after the surgery.This is where I got a little pissed (didn’t help the kids were screaming in the background the whole time): I’ve been home alone all day with the kids while working this entire time. This whole thing is getting a little too crazy. If she said she can drive, and her own husband doesn’t want to drive her, then she can drive herself.Her: Fine. (She then hangs up and comes home)Silent treatment and one word answers from my wife ever since.Reddit, AITA? | AITA for insisting my wife helps me instead of her mom? | NTA |
10y0sk1 | So me and my family dad, mum and brother are finding a situation really hard. In 2018 we suddenly lost my nana (dads mum) to cancer. It was awful. My grandad now has a new ‘lady friend’ which we are all very happy of. We don’t want him spending his days locked up in his house watching tv for the rest of his life (he was 66 when my nana passed (his wife.) He lives 2 hours away but he pushed it on us to meet his new girlfriend and she came to our house as well which we felt a bit uncomfortable by. They’re very much a touchy romantic couple and honestly it’s so hard for all of us to see because of nana. He wants to come visit again with her but my dad took my nanas death the hardest and he just doesn’t want to see them together but we have no idea how to talk to him and tell him we don’t want to see her with him at the moment. Are we the assholes? | AITA for not wanting to see my grandads new girlfriend? | YTA |
10y1rnz | Hello, I moved from my home to college dorms, it's 8 hours by train to home so I go home once a month for 3-4 days. When I was leaving I didn't know how it is in dorms and if I can move my orchids there (10 plants at that time, oncidium, dendrobiums, phalaenopsis, maxillaria, wilsonara, brassia species), so I left them home and my mom promised to take care for them. I care for my orchids a lot, I had some in very bad shape at discount or as a gift, I nursed them back to health. During summer I rise early to move them to morning sun (or sometimes leave them in garden all night) then I move them under balcony to shadow before it's too hot (9-10am). When the weather is very hot I mist them ever 1-2 hours... I cared for them daily for mkre than 2 years I keep them. It was autumn and soon it was too cold to ship them by post service and I was very stressed at the beginning of school year to find some place for them in dormitory. However their state started to be worse and worse and I was frustrated and sad because of that, my mom doesn't know how to care for them, she is trying and I know that.. in recent months I lost two orchids and I was very sad, angry and frustrated about it. I don't say mean stuff to my mom, but I'm unhappy, she is unhappy telling me she is trying. I know that she is, however I'm still unhappy about the situation, about the lose of my plants... They aren't any valuable hybrids, but I have put so much time, attention and care for them. Preparing medium - soaking coconut husk and charcoal for several days, changing and filtering water every day just to repot them... it's my personal bond to these plants specifically I created over time, since I saw them grow and bloom and become stronger. Sometimes I get frustrated and snappy about them when talking with my mom about yet another problem: salt residuals, rot, bacterial infection, fungal infection, sun burns, over and under watering... My mom is telling me I care for it way too much and it's only plant and she will buy me another, I try to be nice, but I can't help being sad and devastated when I return home and they are in such a sad state. I plan to rehome them to dorms in spring time when it's possible to ship them.So am I overreacting about it? Am I asshole for caring about my plants way too much?EDIT: I include the winter care I would like my mom to do... winter care is basically just watering and fertlizing. I told her how to water and how to fertilize. When to water which plants, when fertlize.. she doesn't need to move them, mist them or anything right now, I don't want her to repot them nor prepare mediums, I do it myself. I just included it to point out how much work and time it was.Some are at winter rest so they don't need watering at all right now. She is working full time, so I don't expect her to mist them 50 times a day.. just water them, check them every day to look if there is any fungus forming, how wet they are, if it's time to water or not and ask me if she see something unusual. It took 15mins a day to check them for fungus or infection and weird occurances. Then watering days consist of preparing a bath with warm water, placing them in the bath then leaving them there for.. well as long as you want, she can go shopping, cleaning, watever and take them out at evening. | AITA for being disappointed because of my orchid collection is dying in mother's care | YTA |
10y1xwl | My wife's dad is sick and had to spend a bunch of days at the hospital in a different country. He is an extremely wealthy man with a lot of illiquid assets (lots of property, ~~cats~~ cars, a literal mansion with a pool, etc.,) while I'm an immigrant where I've saved meticulously over years to build a decent nest egg. I also support my aging mom back in my home countryHe has sons who have squandered away his money philandering on women, gambling and drugs. And now none of them are able to pay the hospital bills so they turned to my wife who obviously asked me for money (she doesn't work and has been a housewife for a couple of years). My wife feels like she has to help here because it is her dad and her brothers are apparently not able to get any loans to pay the billsI'll have to pull the money from our savings which as we all know is quite important in these uncertain times and I'm quite nervous to do that, in case I come into an emergency because I really have nobody else or no other savings to fall back onI really want to say no but I also don't want her to feel like I'm their first option whenever they need money (which it looks like it is and her brothers maybe manipulating her). WIBTA if I refuse to give any money in this situation? | WIBTA for refusing to pay for my FIL's surgery? | NTA |
10y1bd5 | I (22f) got into a fight with 2 friends in my friend group for separate reasons.The first one who I will call Josie (21f), randomly stopped meeting up with me to study. We had similar university schedules so we met up often. One day out of the blue she just didn’t want to study with me. She said she wanted to study in a different building than me that day. I said sure and moved on. It happened a few more times and the times I did see her I felt tension like smg wasn’t right. So another day, where she randomly told me she didn’t want to see me, I just asked her over text if smg was wrong since I literally never saw her in person anymore. She said no and then sent me texts calling me selfish and saying that I’m never at school anymore (which is not true since I go to school on weekends just to study bc I concentrate better there, my classes are also all 4 hrs). I got angry while texting back since I felt like I was just getting yelled at. So I finally took a break from the conversation and calmed down. Hours later, I sent her a last text saying that we should discuss this in person diplomatically and not over text and to let me know when she would want to do that. She has left me on read since November but according to my other friends she is saying that it’s my job to come talk to her bc I caused the argument. My friends are saying not to reach out.My other friend Lydia (21f), (which I’ve posted about before so you guys can go read that if u would like), had started treating my bf not very well. To the point that she started treating me the same way even if he was not there. This included ignoring both us whenever we spoke, a change in tone whenever my bf spoke or I mentioned him etc. It got to the point that other friends of mine came up to me to lmk that she had been ranting about my bf to them for hours on end. They were worried and asked me to talk to her. So I did, in person. She ended up walking out mid convo (she did have a train to catch), but she walked out quite intensely. Everyone in the cafe we were at were just staring at me after she left. She has not texted me since and my other friends have also lmk that she expects me to fix the situation. My friends again think it is not my fault and not up to me to reach out.I still feel terrible and think maybe I am at fault bc I’m the one in fights with 2 ppl while no one else is having a problem. I also feel bad for the friend group bc now they have to deal with the consequences of my actions. I also am annoyed bc I feel like I am always the one expected to fix everything. So Reddit AITA for not reaching out and fixing both situations? | AITA for not reaching out and reconciling? | NTA |
10y2f40 | My husband suffers with heavy depression and lack of friends. Few months ago I saw a notification of a reddit post of something like "female looking for friends". Well he cheated me in the past and I found out in a similar way, so call me disrespectful, but I found his profile and went through his comments history. I saw a lot of comments on reddit posts of girls looking for friends, people to chat with, stuff like that. I decided to come clean and talked to him about it, said I was uncomfortable especially because he only answered posts of girls looking for friends (he is a straight male). He was extremely upset, said he was only trying to make friends and that he gets along better with girls, but agreed to stop. Well he is back at it again. I felt bad in the past for asking him to stop, specially because it shows a lack of trust... So, the question is, AITA for asking him to stop? | AITA for telling my husband to stop looking for female friends online? | NTA |
10y20t8 | …after he and MIL threw a tantrum the week before the wedding when I told them it was too late to add more guests to the guestlist? They threatened to not pay for the rehearsal dinner if they didn't get their way and then they threatened to not come to the wedding at all if DH and I didn't have a sitdown meeting with them THE WEEK OF THE WEDDING where they proceeded to belittle our relationship (they admitted to hacking DH's phone so they could read our text exchanges in order to dig up some "dirt" on our relationship) and tried to convince us to breakup or at least postpone the wedding until a time when more of their friends could attend (We sent out Save the Dates 8+ months in advance-anyone who wanted to come had plenty of time to plan). When we didn't breakup, they decided to serve food they know I'm allergic to at the rehearsal dinner without warning me - knowing if I ate the food, I'd likely be too sick to get married the next day (luckily, someone else warned me). After that, I was really uncomfortable with having someone who clearly doesn't support us and was actively trying to sabotage our wedding in our wedding party. I told DH how I felt and he agreed. DH instead asked his father to "just be a dad" and sit with MIL on the front row instead of being a groomsman. Naturally, his parents pitched a fit, made a scene at the reception, and have since made up countless lies about the events leading up to the wedding and in all of their versions, they are the victims and i'm the villain. It's been five months since the wedding and they are still refusing to speak to us until I apologize for essentially being the a-hole. | AITA for kicking my FIL out of the wedding party | NTA |
10y12z7 | My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. Within the past two years however, he's begun to listen to podcasts almost constantly. He has a right or left earbud (never both) in at least 90% of the time. It's very annoying when I try to talk to him and he doesn't notice so I say it again.. and he still doesn't acknowledge me. It's been like this for so long that I just feel a bit tired of trying to communicate with him. At first, he would walk around and do stuff around the house while listening to the podcast. I thought he was blatantly ignoring me when this happened, which caused us to argue. However, when he explained about honestly not hearing me, I chilled out a bit. But then he began to just sit around the house, nose engrossed in his phone *and* having an earbud in. It's the worst when I'm trying to do something around the house and I need help, or if one of our three kittens has gotten into something and it's somewhat of an emergency. Those are the times it makes me the most mad because he's not there when I need him. We've had many conversations about this, and he doesn't say much other than 'I'm sorry, I'm not ignoring you, I just honestly can't hear you' or 'you speak so softly'. I am a soft-speaker I'll admit, but when I try to speak louder it most of the time doesn't work. I'll end up having to yell, and by that point I'm yelling out of having to repeat myself so many times. I have learned to be more self-sufficient, especially when doing things around the house. But like I mentioned, sometimes there are emergencies with the house or kittens that I need help with (example: explosive diarrhea through the hallway, or the washer begins to flood the bathroom). He hasn't cut down on his podcast time, he doesn't help around the house unless I ask him, and yet he continues to be (what I feel is) unavailable. It's like having a conversation with him about this issue (our *main* issue) never helps. I also want to add that I'm the main financial supporter of us both; this past summer was the first time he had a stable job while we lived together and that was because I really explained how hard it is living off of one income. He is on unemployment now, as he has a seasonal job and is off for the winter. This adds more to fuel to the fire, so I can see how the earbud situation might only be a veiled excuse for me to take my frustrations out on him. I feel I may be the asshole for expecting him to change or to adjust his 'ways' to accommodate me. But at the same time, I want more support and a better connection/clear communication with him. TLDR: My boyfriend constantly has an earbud in his ear and doesn't hear me until I yell what I am trying to say to him. This is especially inconvenient when there is an emergency or I need urgent help with something. | AITA for becoming angry when my partner doesn't hear me? He has an earbud in one ear almost constantly. | NTA |
10y11i5 | My friend and so haven’t seen each other in over 6 months so we planned to meet up. We don’t live close so we were both going to meet in a location closer to the middle. For this I said I would travel further and even stay with family in the area so that it would work out. We have had these plans for weeks and I was supposed to leave after work to drive the 2.5 hours it takes to get there. I work up this morning to a text saying that they wanted to go but the timing will no longer work out since it’s a lot of travel after work. I am mostly annoyed Becuase I am completely not surprised by the cancelation as they have done this many times. AITA for getting annoyed with them? | AITA for getting mad at my friend for canceling last minute? | NTA |
10y2qqo | I (20F) have been concerned about my brother's (17) mental health for the past year, he used to be the goofy kid of the house but since Jan last year he's gone weird. All he does now is work (he runs Instagram pages), study, workout, read and write in his little diary. Our family does movie night every Saturday he stopped showing up. He doesn't see his friends anymore and doesn't speak to anyone in general, he's become a rock I'm terms of emotions. All day working like a maniac, His hair have gone white at such a young age too, I was concerned for him.So last week when he was gone with our mum, I took the chance and read his journal. It was uniformly split into three sections labelled 'ideas' (filled with random thoughts), 'intellect' (filled with stuff Idek), 'useless stuff', the useless stuff section was filled with stuff you'd share with your mum crying in her arms. It even contained events from back when he was 12 and he overheard our mum telling me his art is stupid (he used to draw decals) and how what he feels like isnt valued in this family and noone in this world would even cry if he k-word himself (even tho noone really liked him having around as he was loud but I don't think he isn't loved by us)When he got back I hugged him and he got mad at me and said it's the only valued thing he's got and hasn't spoken to me since, he didn't even tell mum, I'm scared idk what to do. Am I in the wrong here?Edit: yes I have been trying to get him to open up to me, but he won't listen, he just won't talk... I just wanted to let him know he's wrong and loved not abandoned. | AITA for reading my brother's journal?? | YTA |
10xz9pp | Background : I'm (26 F) married to my husband (26 M) for few months now, we are together for 7 years. We adopted a puppy last year and we have been training since he was 4 months old.To the problem.Our dog now is 11 months old, weights 35 kg. He is very strong, but mostly behaves well.Last week we went for a walk and our dog noticed another dog and started to pull me from the hill. It resulted into loosing control and hitting my hand against the street light.In the end it was confirmed that my finger is broken and surgery is needed. Yesterday successful surgery was performed, but I will need the cast for at least a month.My husband refused to use collar that evening and used chest collar. He believes it's too harsh to use it even though it was recommended by our trainer. TLDRAITA for wanting to use neck collar on our dog to stop or reduce the pulling? | AITA for wanting to use collar on my dog? | NAH |
10y2o22 | This is a bit of a weird situation, I’m not gonna lie. So I work at a daycare and I have IBS and some other digestive issues. This means that I have to go to the bathroom and sometimes it can’t wait and sometimes it takes me a little bit. The longest is twenty minutes. Whenever I have to use the restroom and I know it’ll be longer, I ask a coworker (who is also my mom) to cover for me. She does not have anything to do during this timeframe. My boss yelled at me today saying that I cause my coteacher and my mother undue stress because I use the bathroom (once in the morning, around the same time everyday) and it takes me “40” minutes to go. (It has NEVER been like that).My boss says it’s too stressful on my coteacher because she’s alone, but my mother is in there with her and is helping her. She says it causes my mother stress because she is unable to do her tasks. But my mother is always free during this time. And she says that the kids are always thrown off their routine because I have to use the bathroom for 5+ minutes once a day. And she’s saying that she doesn’t know what to do with me or how to proceed because this is I’m stressing all my coworkers out and it’s just not working with me needing the bathroom. But I don’t understand how a bodily function is stressing the kids out? Everyone uses the bathroom so I’m just confused here. I can’t control when I have to use the bathroom or how long it will take. I do what I can to not have to use the bathroom multiple times per day. I take a probiotic and I don’t eat at work for fear that something I eat will cause a flare-up. So am I an asshole for needing to use the bathroom? | AITA for using the bathroom at work? | NTA |
10y0kck | I’m probably justified for doing what I did legally, but my brother called me an asshole Karen for yelling at the neighborhood kids when they were just being kids and having fun, so I feel conflicted.I live in Scandinavia, non-English native, on mobile and so on.Me(F29) live alone in my house about 15minutes from the closest small city nearby. It’s a nice house with a big backyard for my two dogs. I’ve been out of work since September -22 due to a pretty serious injury that gave me nerve damage to both my arms and shooting pain up my spine and neck. Hence, I sleep a lot due to my medications and a very recent surgery, 2 days ago. Since it’s been snowing where I am, the local kids(15-16 yo) have been doing some ice racing with their moped cars on the icy road outside my house. It’s a public road and I understand fully that people drive there, I don’t really mind the traffic.However, for the last 3/4 days these kids have been driving like absolute maniacs along the road, skidding, swerving and sliding like they’re getting paid to do so. If it was only during the day I wouldn’t have brought this up to them, but when they’re driving around outside my house at 10pm-4am, skidding, roaring their engines and playing loud music I lose it. I’ve called the non-emergency line and they’ve sent out officers to speak with the kids, but nothing has changed. I understand that the police have a lot more important things to do than to deal with rascals, but I was at a loss on what to do.So I headed outside last night at about 1am to waive the kids down. One of them stopped and the following conversation happened:Kid: Hey, enjoying the music?Me: Hi, listen- I understand that you guys are enjoying yourself, but perhaps you could do the drifting at the IKEA parking lot a few km away, or at the train station’s parking lot where you’re not bothering anyone?Kid: Nah, the ice here is better for drifting.Me: Do you think you think you guys could maybe at least keep it down after midnight then? I’m very tired and just wanna go to sleep.Kid: Have you tried using earplugs? Me: Look, I get that not many people live here, but those that do don’t enjoy listening to your shitty music or the sound of your engines running all night. Kid: Okay, we’ll stop when we’re done.The kid proceeded to drive off, only to turn around and keep on driving on the road, roll their windows down and turn up the music even louder. I lost my cool and yelled at them to fuck off, giving them the finger before I went inside and called the police again.When the cops came out, roughly an hour later, they were long gone. I gave them a description of the cars involved(as these don’t have license plates here), the kids and told them what happened. I know I’m legally in the right for what I did, as the cops told me they’re disturbing the peace with doing what they did this late, but am I the asshole for yelling and acting like a Karen? | AITA for yelling at the neighborhood kids? | NTA |
10y1evd | edit: sorry title should say AITA, not WIBTAI went to the eye doctor in October because I needed to renew my prescription. I moved to a new city last year and decided to switch to a doctor that was closer to me. At first everything seemed fine, but after a few days I started to wonder if my prescription was wrong. I called the doctor's office and they ordered a new pair of trial lenses. That pair even worse, so they ordered another trial, and another, and another...I have astigmastism, which means I wear toric lenses. I feel like the strength of the prescription is fine but the astigmatism part (cyl/axis) is wrong in one eye, because it's perfectly clear when it's in the right position, but it slides out of place a LOT. I know this can sometimes happen with toric lenses, but I've never experienced it to this extent. Also: the first trial they gave me had a different cyl/axis and was comfortable. All subsequent trials have had a lower cyl/axis for some reason.With the most recent trial lenses, I was told that the doctor ordered a different brand, but the doctor showed me the prescription for the new trial lenses, and not only is it the same brand but it's the exact same prescription as the last trial! I was already very frustrated by this point and sort of raised my voice and said "well, why did you make me come in for an appointment if these are the exact same lenses!?" I mean, they knew it fit properly because they checked last time (which was a few weeks ago at most).My sister was with me at the time, and she said I'm an asshole for yelling at a doctor. But I'm honestly so done with this doctor's office. The only reason I've stuck with it this long is because I couldn't afford to get another eye exam somewhere else. But they've repeatedly given me prescriptions that are blurry and/or uncomfortable and are refusing to listen when I tell them what's wrong. My sister told our parents though and now they're pissed at me for disrespecting a doctor. AITA? | WIBTA for yelling at a doctor? | NTA |
10y1bsq | So I(32M) have been dating my girlfriend(31F) for a few years, introduced her to everyone in my friend group. We have had our ups and downs but it's been generally good. In the past year or so, it's become obvious that my friend group is partial to her and all communication now goes through her. I've been feeling left on an island. I'm slowly realizing that she has been talking badly about me and any troubles we've had(esp finances) as I'm hearing side comments from the group that I realize are directed at me. When I ask for them to elaborate, the sky suddenly gets really interesting to them and they forget they even said anything. Where this came to a head was us meeting a new group of people and everything was going great until she blurts out of nowhere she paid the majority of rent this month to the whole group. I didnt want to make a scene but it felt manipulative as I was recently laid off and still dropped more than my half of rent from severance on all of our other bills. Some being groceries, which she says is too overwhleming and anxiety-inducing to do herself but has no problem going to sold out concerts with guys and partying all night. Now she's unemployed and the situation has reversed.Doing things without her is taken as an offense too so I'm feeling very isolated from everyone. I feel like losing my friend group and going out without her these days. WIBTA if I drop these 'friends' and do my own thing? | WIBTA if I leave my friend groups? | NTA |
10y30rs | My husband and I are in our mid-to-late 20s. When we were first married, we lived in an apartment, and whenever something stopped working, the apartment complex would send over a maintenance guy to fix it. Now that we live in a house, we have both been a little overwhelmed about how much upkeep comes with it. (I know it should have been obvious, but still, it has been a big adjustment). My husband has ADHD (managed by medication), and he tends to let tasks pile up. When I was growing up, my dad always fixed everything in our house. If I needed a shelf installed in my room, for example, he was happy to do it. I would also ask my brothers to fix things for me. That was how I grew up. I currently have a long list of things I want my husband to fix. Sometimes, when he doesn't know how to fix something, he just gives up. We have two toilets in our house, but one of them broke, and he didn't know how to fix it, so it's just been sitting there for a year and a half. The other big thing is our dryer. It will not heat up anymore. My husband has tried multiple times, and he cannot fix it. It has been out of service for a few months and we've been stuck hanging things up to dry, which takes forever. My dad has asked to come over to help fix these items. He said, I always fix things in the home right away, which I felt was a dig at my husband. My husband says he wants to try to do it by himself, and that my dad is attempting to take over. My dad does have a history of being a helicopter parent, and he has been rude to my husband in the past. However, I just need these things to be fixed. (For context, I want to try to fix these things first before buying new or hiring a repairman, for financial constraints.) | AITA for inviting my dad over to fix things in our house? | NTA |
10y2m82 | My daughter's mother and her husband (they just got married) had planned a honeymoon trip overseas. They have a son (my daughters half-brother) who was going to be looked after by his grandmother while they were gone. On the day they were going to leave the grandmother had a major leak in her house. She couldn't leave when she planned because she had to wait for the plumber to finish. My daughter's mother and stepfather couldn't drive their son to their grandmothers because she lives several hours away and they would miss their plane by the time they drove back.Their regular babysitter was busy during that time and they couldn't find anyone else to watch their son because he has issues and cannot be left with people he's not comfortable or familiar with. So they called my daughter and told her to come back to their house and watch their son until his grandmother could get there later that night. Unbeknownst to me they pay my daughter extra allowance to babysit him in emergencies. I guess sort of like a retainer fee.My daughter was disappointed because she had planned to go to a concert with her friend. They had been planning that for months and had spend a lot of their own money paying for the tickets. My ex however did say she would reimburse our daughter for the ticket (nothing about the friend though that wouldn't have been allowed to go on her own). I don't think the money makes up for both girls missing a one time event that they had been looking forward to for months though.Since it was my time with my daughter I overrode her mother and drove her to the concert with her friend like planned. I called my ex and told her I did and that I didn't feel like it was fair that our daughter has had to give up her time with her friends because of last minute stuff that comes up because of her brother. My ex is mad because I am letting our daughter go back on her agreements. I said whatever their agreement was it doesn't apply when she is staying with me. I really think my ex is just mad because the cost of changing their flights was a hell of a lot more than the cost of the concert ticket and they still had to pay for the hotel room for the first night even though they didn't use it. | AITA for not letting my daughter babysit her brother? | NTA |
10y2lmo | Basically, as above. We were married for 10 years, 1 child. We split up for unrelated reasons about 2 years ago. Then, covid hit and I was lonely started messaging this guy who was so cool and understood everything about me. He didn’t judge or pressure me and he is still my best friend. We have been best friends for two years now, pretty much ‘dating’ effectively. But my wife, she found out and she was angry at me. Her friend told her and she started asking me questions like did I cheat on her and give her aids and things like that (I wasn’t totally listening). But unreasonable questions. She said I was a bad person and can’t see my son now. She says I’m a liar and I made a fool out of her. People are laughing at her.I maybe should have told her, but I don’t know what I would have said? I’m not gay or anything like that, I just have a friend who is gay I guess. | AITA for not telling my ex-wife I was now dating a man? | NTA |
10y1ju6 | I really am unsure if I’mbeing unreasonable here. I (23F) work in an office as an assistant and office manager. We’re extremely small, and rarely have visitors. When we do, I know well in advance and prepare for them. We’re the only company on our floor & the doors are locked at all times.Recently, someone from our HQ ordered our security cameras be adjusted. We only have two - one pointed at the front entrance, and one at the back. They were completely fine before, so I don’t know why it was changed. I know that I am constantly in sight of our front door security camera, as my desk is in the lobby. I don’t mind this - I get the reasoning. Before, the stream for the camera went to the office copy room/storage area & the server room, which has very minimal traffic. But with the change, the camera on me is now being live streamed at all times to a monitor in our kitchen, which employees & guests are constantly using. It’s constantly in sight of nearly every office we use (glass walls). It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don’t like the idea of being watched continuously, or of being live streamed to a public high traffic place in the office. I’ve never worked in a job where security cameras were streamed to monitors in public areas.The back door camera is not being streamed to any of the monitors - just the one on me. I’ve brought this discomfort up to both HR & the man who ordered this. I suggested the kitchen stream be instead focused on the back door. They said we would discuss it in person - but I previously had this discussion in person when I first started & my boss adhered to me. I don’t trust that it will actually happen if talked about in person. Would I be an asshole if I stood my ground on this & refused to be filmed constantly? Am I overreacting here, or is this something I should just deal with?I’m considering requesting to work in a private office instead of the lobby due to this, but that may be unrealistic. | WIBTA to refuse to have a security camera live-streamed to a public area? | NTA |
10y0t2a | I live in a house with three other people. Two of us work from home. I live and work on the 2nd floor and the other wfh roommate "Keith" used to live and work on the 3rd. However the last time a roommate moved out, Keith took her room because it has a big closet nextdoor that he wanted to make into his office. This room is on the 2nd floor, so we now both work on the same floor. Just down the hall from each other.Keith's job requires him to take a phone call about once an hour. He also has one of those clickety clackety keyboards which he bought because he finds it satisfying to type on. Keith and I both keep our doors open while we work so that the dog can come and go (if she wants to come in when the door is closed, she will whine until you let her in). However, since we are now right down the hall from each other, I hear all of his phone calls and his clacking keyboard all day long. I bought a white noise machine but that only does so much unless I blast it.I generally keep my door cracked because I have mobility issues so in order to get up and close my door I have to put a shoe on and hobble over. However I asked Keith to start closing his door if he's going to be on a call or typing a lot and as long as the dog isn't around. Even if the dog did cry to come in or out, he only needs to roll his chair a few inches back to open the door for her.Keith said this was totally fine, but I've noticed he still never closes his door unless I ask him to. Having to text him every time his noise is distracting makes me feel like he's not really ok with this. So, aita?Eta: I do close my door when the dog is downstairs. When she's upstairs I have it cracked open because I can't have her whining while I'm in a meeting (it's his dog btw). When just my door is closed I can still hear him. | AITA for asking my roommate to close his office door while we are both working from home | YTA |
10y38xb | [24F] I'm a high school teacher and due to the education system strains, we are very short staffed at our school and in our district in general. This has led to me teaching an additional class. I'm an Algebra teacher, but due to the short staff issue, I'm also taking on a Civics class.Yesterday I was called into the Vice Principals office during my planning period. She sat me down and explained to me that she wanted to talk to me about what I was wearing. I would like to point out that I was wearing a black shear top over a black undershirt and a pair of khaki pants. None of it was revealing. But she did point out that my bra strap was showing and the color bled through the fabric of my shirt.I was confused and a little embarrassed. I asked what the issue with that was and her response was to tell me that the students mat get the wrong idea about me. The reasoning made no sense to me at all. It is worth noting that last year a teacher was fired for inappropriate relations with a student, and I assumed it was paranoia on their part, but still.She told me that I would have to either wear a white or beige bra, or black if i was wearing a dark color shirt. I felt attacked. I'm trying to avoid giving as much TMI as possible, but I have a more slender figure and a larger bust, so finding a bra that fits is hard enough. This one was baby blue. I don't always get to choose what color it is.I politely said "Ma'am, I don't see how what's under my shirt is anyone's business but my own." She told me again what the stipulations are and that I needed to follow them. I agreed for the sake of leaving the situation and left the office.I thought about it last night and decided to file notice to leave the school. I dropped my notice this morning. I was told I was being immature about it.The reason I'm feeling like TA is because I honestly love my job. I connect well with my students. I haven't had to fail a student yet, though I know that day will eventually come. Since I started teaching Algebra at the school, our districts math scores have gone up exponentially. I take a lot of pride in my job and don't want to let the kids down. Like now I'm heartbroken, similar to breakup goggles. I want to stand my ground, but I also feel like I'm failing at something that I'm meant to do and it destroys me. Not to mention there are now going to be two positions that need to be filled in an already undermanned school.AITA? | AITA for quitting my job over a dress code violation? | NTA |
10y2v71 | My bf and I have been dating for 3.5 years and we’ve been taking about marriage, we touched the subject of who’d be making the chores and I said we should share them, he says that he can help but a man’s job is to provide and the woman should be the head of the household, to which I object because I will also be working, he got so mad he’s not speaking to me now. I think he’s even thinking about calling it quits, so AITA for wanting to share chores? | AITA (25F) for telling my fiancee(34M) that once we’re married we should share chores | NTA |
10y2usi | I have a cousin "Rick" that came out as ftm trans during the pandemic. I only saw Rick a couple times a year at most and hadn't seen him since he came out. There was a family gathering for relative's 90th birthday last weekend and I saw him for the first time there. We made some small talk and were catching up and my 9 year old daughter came up while I was chatting with him. She needed something so I went off to deal with it and while I was helping her she asked me who Rick was and why she had never met him before. I explained that she had met Rick before, but when my daughter met him before he was a girl named "Beth". She remembered playing with Beth and asked a couple questions about why Beth was a boy now and I thought that was the end of it.I guess a couple of other relatives overheard me talking to my daughter and it got back to Rick who confronted me about it later. He said he was disappointed to hear that I was referring to him as his deadname and as a girl behind his back because he thought I was more accepting than that. I tried to explain the context but he didn't seem to care and was cold to me the rest of the gathering.I get that sort of thing can be sensitive for trans people, but I really have no clue how I could have handled it better. Was I not supposed to answer my daughter's question? Am I the asshole here? | AITA for "deadnaming" my trans cousin? | NTA |
10y2ukw | I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a total vain jerk, but I’ll try my best. I(31m), have been told that I’m a very handsome man, plus I lift so I have a very good physique. Sorry if that sounded masturbatory, I’m just trying to paint a picture. My fiance Lila(29f) has told me that women hit on me constantly, that I don’t see it, and that it drives her up the wall. She said she just hates how aggressive and brazen they are and have no respect for her even if we’re together at a given time. Admittedly I can be pretty oblivious, I just like to assume that people are nice. But, when I do recognize that people are flirting with me I shut it down and either try to leave or let them down gently. Me and Lila work out together often, and admittedly a lot of women do approach me at the gym. Some just to talk, some just to flirt, some actually want form techniques. I find all of this stuff distracting and annoying, but I try to do my best regardless. Lila asked me to move gyms since I was being hit on so much and it really upset her. I liked the gym I was at, but reluctantly agreed. For the past six months I’ve been at a brand new gym and I love it more than any other gym I’ve been to. The only problem is it’s full of college age kids, and naturally a lot of girls. So I get flirted with and talked to way more. I shut them all down hard, but I do help out this one girl who purely wants to lose weight. Last night, Lila asked me if I can move gyms again. She said that this gym is nice, but she said the college crowd isn’t respecting of boundaries, especially mine. I said she could go, but that I didn’t want to. She accused me liking the attention and not considering her feelings on the matter. I said I don’t want to change gyms again and that I just liked where I was at now. So reddit, AITA for not considering Lila’s feelings on the matter? | AITA for not switching gyms? | NTA |
10y2ip0 | I’m already aware that I’m in the wrong. My fiancé and I are narrowing down our wedding guest list and his brother is not invited.In the past his brother and I have had bad interactions where I felt very disrespected with no apology after. I feel like weddings aren’t family reunions. They’re not a ceremony of obligation but of union! In my opinion if someone isn’t there for both of us then they shouldn’t be there. As of now his brother is not invited. I feel horrible about it but I also don’t want to be uncomfortable on our wedding day having him there.If his brother can’t even speak to me now, what’s supposed to change wedding day? And I don’t want to fake a hello to someone who ignored my existence regardless of the family title. If my brothers did the same to my fiancé I personally wouldn’t invite them either! Just wanted to vent. I know I’m in the wrong just getting it off my chest so I can move forward and hopefully change my stance on his invitation before wedding day.Edit: for slight context (I don’t like putting family business out there)There was a big family argument that boiled down to the brother cursing me out and saying I would never be family and to stay out of family business when I was siding with my fiancé. | AITA ( I can honestly answer this one. I am the asshole ) | NTA |
10y51g5 | Some may have seen my previous post. I’m not sure how to link it but feel free to look at it for more info. Basically my sister stole my cat, lied about mine dying, denied it was my cat and refused to return it. Today I went to my sisters because she worked. The sitter was home, I knocked and she recognized me and LET ME IN. Basically when I left, I grabbed my cat and left. The babysitter tried to stop me but I was already to my car. I took my cat straight to the vet, and she was infact my cat. They had painted my cats nails with HUMAN NAIL POLISH and the vet had to remove it, incase you weren’t aware that is a big no no.About 20 minutes later I began getting threatening text messages from my sister saying she is calling the police for “breaking into her home and stealing her pets.” Now she’s texting me how horrible of an aunt I am for stealing the cat because my nieces are upset and crying and how she’ll never forgive me for this.I simply texted her that I was at the vet and the cat is proven mine, and that nail polish they used was toxic, and could’ve been harmful. I told her to never contact me again, and I don’t want to see her no more, that this is one of the biggest betrayals I’ve ever faced.She texted me back how I was crazy for shutting her out of my life over a cat, when she is my big sister,and that I was being dramatic. I don’t think I am, she stole my cat. I am not being dramatic. | AITA for stealing my cat back and telling my sister to never contact me again? | NTA |
10y6c0j | We were informed of a foster child in need of a home. She’s 14, has some behavioral issues, and had mild drug use. We decided to take her in since my wife knew her a bit and thought she was a decent kid who just needed a chance. The placement had its issues. She smoked weed in the house. We told her not to, she did it again. She had friends over, we said no weed, they smoked anyway. Over five months, we had good and bad times, but overall it was working. We also have a 5 year old daughter who got Covid at the end of last year and has had a chronic cough ever since. She is on a medication for the cough so she can sleep at night and for when her coughing fits get bad. Sometimes it sounds like she is gasping for air. It’s hard to watch her suffer through this. Last night the foster had friends over and they smoked again. We had planned on talking to her about it after school today. We woke up this morning and the 5yo starts coughing. We look for her medicine and we can’t find it. My wife finally gives up and goes to the store to buy more. I drive the foster to school and when I return, we find the bottle in her room. It’s not empty so we don’t freak out. I go to work. Later, my wife goes to give the 5yo more medicine and she realizes that the cough medicine that she found in the fosters room is actually sprite. The foster dumped it all into a sprite bottle and drank it with her friends for a cheap buzz. Don’t know why she filled the medicine bottle back up with sprite, but whatever. I freaked and had her removed immediately. You can disobey me, you can lie to me, you can steal from me. Once you take from my kid, there is no coming back from that. The fact that she lived across the hall from my daughter and listened to her coughing all day and night and still had the lack of humanity that she felt ok taking her medicine is sickening and represents a depravity I was not prepared for. Behavior issues is one thing, it’s almost universal that you don’t mess with sick kids. Did I overreact?EDIT: Lots of folks are asking about the medicine being locked up. We locked up all medicine and alcohol. We were careless and left it out this time. We weren’t diligent this time since we honestly didn’t think it was a target; she had only ever smoked weed before. I’m also seeing posts saying we should have known about her substance abuse issues. I agree. I wish the state had better informed us. We were told she had one marijuana incident before and I thought we could handle that. I smoked weed when I was 14 too. I never knew she did other drugs. I didn’t really consider children’s cough medicine to be a target. It was a mistake. Lastly, we are not foster parents. We did this for a child my wife knew. We were not looking to foster any other kids, we were just trying to help one. We were not prepared for this and are going to focus on our own daughter now. | AITA for getting rid of our foster kid after she stole medicine from our sick daughter. | NTA |
10y3swu | I (38F) have 3 kids (15F, 13M and 9M) with my husband (38F). Both my side and my husband’s side of the family live close, so we see each other all the time. On my side of the family, we get together every Friday at either my house or one of my sibling’s houses for pizza. This past weekend, I was the one hosting Pizza Night.Our 13 y/o had his friends over that night, which sometimes happens on these nights and there hasn’t been an issue before this. My son’s baseball teammates were over, one of his friends, Karsyn, got diagnosed as autistic a few months ago. This isn’t particularly surprising, as something was always different with him, he’s still a popular, smart boy but it all made sense when he was diagnosed. My son and his friends are very confident in themselves, including Karsyn, and Karsyn’s new special interest after baseball is his autism. Karsyn believes his autism makes him who he is, he is insanely smart, helps my son and his friends with homework and he can tell you anything about baseball. Karsyn, my son, and his friends also like making jokes about themselves, one of his friends is gay and jokes about his sexuality. My husband and I have made sure to talk to the boys about knowing what is and isn't appropriate and to know your boundaries.Karsyn will make jokes about his autism, usually directed at mocking what he believes are ableist parents, mocking anti-vaxxers, ect. Karsyn was upstairs with my son and their other friends before my husband or I got home. We had the family come over after school/work and when pizza was ready, everyone came to the kitchen and dining room. Karsyn had some shirt on that said “I love someone with allism”, allism is apparently a word autistics use for people who aren’t autistic. We all sat down and my sister made a comment about the shirt. My sister and her son have a “severely” autistic son, he’s 15 and can’t do much on his own. My sister asked what the shirt meant and said it wasn’t funny, it started escalating there, with my son and his friends getting rowdy. Karsyn then said something about not being a burden, to which my sister said “for some of my friend’s, their children’s autism are burdens, their children are burdens”, at that point, I screamed at everyone to shut up and told my sister and her husband to leave. Since then, tensions have been pretty high, and we don’t even know if there will be a pizza night next week. My sister and her husband has only dug their heels in their position, my son is very upset, and cried to us about how his aunt could see someone like Karsyn, a long time friend, as a “burden”. Most of my family is siding with my sister saying that children should “respect their elders” and said Karsyn is “full of himself”. My son is still very hurt by those comments and I feel like he has a right to be, and haven;’t apologized to my sister. AITA? | AITA for making my sister and her husband leave a family dinner? | NTA |
10y5hwm | My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years, we live together, and recently we had a fight about accessing someone else's cell phone. I always gave her complete freedom to use my cell phone, and she did the same, even though we almost never took each other's cell phones. Yesterday she was listening to music while cleaning the house, I didn't like the music very much and I went there to change it, at the same time she already freaked out at me saying that I couldn't touch her cell phone, that the cell phone was her property, I thought it was strange after all we always had this kind of freedom. We ended up arguing, I told her that if I couldn't take her cell phone, she couldn't take mine either, she freaked out even more, saying that she could have access to my cell phone, but I couldn't see hers. Since then we've been on the outs and are giving each other the silent treatment. Was I an asshole? | AITA for forbidding my girlfriend to use my cell phone? | NTA |
10y3zs6 | I [27F] live in a house that’s been converted into studio apartments. This is an important detail because the walls between apartments aren’t super thick. It’s mostly singles or couples living here, there have been no children, and I know the letting agency does not allow children. My next door neighbour, who I share a wall with, was a guy [30s] on his own who seemed to work from home. Never had any issues, obviously I’d hear him sometimes but that can’t be helped. Last Fall, I started hearing what I thought was a baby crying, but I assumed I must be hearing things. A few days later I stumble across a woman [30s] holding a small child, I would say between 12 and 18 months old. I thought maybe they were visiting and didn’t really think more of it. Fast forward to now, the three of them live in the studio next to mine. I get it, I really do, there’s a housing crisis, rents are crazy expensive. But holy shit this kid is constantly crying. If he’s not crying he’s screaming. Not like, in anguish, he does these little screeches like it’s a game or something? There’s also random heavy bangs against the shared wall. I am Lucky enough that I don’t work from home so I’m really only there in the evenings but I’m extremely sensitive to noise. I’m aware that this is my problem and I own different kinds of earplugs and earphones to try and mitigate this as best I can. But goddamn, sometimes I want to just sit in the apartment I pay rent in and not have to wear earplugs in my own space. I feel really bad even considering mentioning it to them but I’m losing my mind. I know they’re limited in what they can do but WIBTA for just mentioning to them and asking them if they could do something about the screaming or the banging at the very least? | WIBTA if I asked my neighbours with a baby to keep it down? | NTA |
10y43rc | So. There's me f(27) and dad(50) then there's his wife f(58) and her daughter f(40) and her girlfriend f(30). I am made to sit around the small round kitchen table every evening to eat dinner with everyone and I HATE it. A bit of background, I have lived independently for 6 years and recently had to move in with my dad and his family. I have all sorts of rules imposed on me (but that's another time) and I'm struggling. I hate that people can't eat with their mouths closed. Talk with mouths full, and the constant slurping and chewing makes me irrationally angry. I've tried to tell my dad about this and he said it's tough, I have to eat there. So I've resorted to having a few mouthfuls and excusing myself saying that I'm too full and ill eat later just to get away.What can I do?!Does it make me the asshole that I can't stand it anymore?TIA.Just for the record I PAY TO BE HERE. I have TRIED to move out. | AITA BECAUSE I HATE FAMILY DINNER | NTA |
10y6uoe | My nephew[17m] is the only remaining link I have to my beloved sister who died years ago. So I love him like he’s one of my own kids, and am very protective of him. Our dad gifted me and her his 1967 Shelby Mustang once we got to high school, but left it to her in his will. It still burns my ass since I love that car, but I got the money so I guess I’ll live haha. Also, my sister was a major gear head and loved cars since she was a kid which factored into his decision.My sister left the Mustang to my nephew on the condition that he only receive it when he gets his license and on his 16th birthday. When he got the car he loved it and promised to take special care of it since it was his mom’s. And as far as I can tell he has been taking care of it.My brother in law got remarried to a total c-u-next-Tuesday of a person named Claire. She’s an awful person, but she’s very pretty and manipulative so BIL fell for it and they got married. Claire and my nephew don’t get along at all and unfortunately my BIL has been blinded by her and takes her side in their fights.Well my nephew told me that my BIL took his Mustang because he got in trouble at school, and he’s given it to Claire to use. I went to my BIL’s house to hear his side and he confirmed it. He said my nephew needed discipline and Claire wanted the car to use. I was seeing red, but I told him that it was legally my nephew’s car, he said that it didn’t matter, he was a minor and living under his roof so he would follow his rules.I was furious, but my evil mind put together a plan. I have a very good job, and I have a dear beloved husband who comes from a very wealthy family, so we have a lot of disposable income. Long story short, I got him a 2022 Shelby Mustang GT500. I drove the car over to his house and handed him the keys in front of Claire who looked dumbfounded. Admittedly it was worth it just to see her face. BIL called me and told me I was undermining his authority as a parent and being an ahole by enabling his bad behavior and being petty. I said he was unfairly punishing my nephew by taking away his property and that it was only a lease until he gives back his car.Now I’m wondering, was I being shortsighted and reactionary by doing something so petty? Was I an ahole? | AITA for buying my nephew a new car out of spite? | NTA |
10y6yhe | To put it simply, my mom is a restaurant Karen.She snaps her fingers at waitstaff. She asks them to change the temperature in the restaurant if she’s too hot or too cold. She regularly sends food back for very minor things. She complains to the manager if the wait is more than 20 minutes, regardless of how busy the restaurant is. In her mind, she’s alway in the right. She believes as long as she says please and thank you she can be as difficult as she wants. Recently, she’s taken on a new habit of being an awful tipper. The other day we ate at a restaurant where you order and pay at the counter, and then they bring you your food. She decided not to tip at all.That didn’t sit right with me, so while she went to grab our seats I apologized to the man at the counter and put a 10 in the tip jar. We got our food and ate, and when we got up, she threw a whole $1 on the table. For a $45 meal.In the parking lot, I expressed how wrong I thought this was. She said that she doesn’t tip at restaurants where they don’t take your order at the table, because the staff “didn’t earn it”.I explained that, as much as I hate tipping culture too, restaurant staff rely on it. They can make less than minimum wage, and if people like her refuse to tip they won’t make enough to live off of. I said it was a good thing I went back to tip the guy at the counter earlier.She got pissed and said that I was wrong to do that. That she paid for my meal, and I was being disrespectful by undermining her and tipping behind her back. I feel she’s the one in the wrong here. Eating out with her has become downright embarrassing because of the way she acts. The newfound shitty tipping has made me not want to eat out with her at all.But she DID pay for my meal. So AITA?ETA: this was a local deli we ate at, not like a subway or anything. But I would tip there too, personally. | AITA for tipping behind my mom’s back? | NTA |
10y4rl2 | Context: my wife and parents don’t really get along. They remain civil, but there are still some hard feelings. It started from them hitting financial trouble around the time we got married, and them not willing to contribute to our wedding while taking a loan to finance my sister’s wedding. I sympathize with the way my wife feels regarding this. Now, we’ve been married for more than a year. During this time, my wife and I have always tried to make each other happy, and we have an otherwise happy marriage. Some stuff does come up regarding my parents here and there, but it’s not something we actively argue about.I have started doing well financially. I took her to a great honeymoon, for example, to cheer her up. For her birthday, I took her on another trip. And she My wife isn’t working yet, but we spend according to our likes, and enjoy a good lifestyle. Whatever my wife’s wishes are, I have always worked to fulfill them - as she has for me. The problem: our wedding anniversary and her birthday are within 3 months of each other. For that, she wants two trips. We have been wanted to buy a house and plan on buying in the next 12-18 months, and for that I had asked her if we could budget one of those and not spend as much as we normally do. She understood and was on board. Yesterday, I became aware of the deep financial issue my parents are in after my dad’s retirement. He’s looking for another job, but they are finding it difficult to manage. They financed my post graduate and graduate study as well, using a lot of their savings. Today, I asked my wife if we could send them $1000 as it would mean a lot to them and make it easier for them to manage until my dad finds a job. We can afford to send them the money, it wouldn’t have an adverse effect on us. She got extremely upset, saying that I am cutting down on her needs to help them. She asked why I’m asking her to budget when I can send them the money. I did not want to budget to send them the money, I wanted to budget to save for the house. We have been spending a lot recently, and I wanted to bring it under control so we can buy a house.I understand this to a degree, but I have the means to help out my parents who are in trouble and have always been there for me when they had the money and hate to see them struggling. AITA? Need advice.Edit: she is not working right now because she graduated abroad recently and has to take an exam before she can work here and she is studying for that. It’s not that my wife does not “want” to work | AITA for wanting to send $1k to my parents when my wife and I are budgeting our anniversary trip? | NTA |
10y4icl | I (26 F) have a coworker (45 M) named Carl. Carl is a relatively nice guy, he’s a little pushy at times, but still pleasant to be around for the most part. For example, when my car needed new brakes, he insisted that I order the parts and have him do it at his house instead of going to a mechanic shop and being “overcharged.” Stuff like this happens often, but I mostly shrug it off/politely decline and go about my day. 5 months ago, my husband and I found out we would be expecting our first baby and we were obviously overjoyed. The way people treated me changed when I revealed to my work place that I was pregnant. Everyone was happy for me and started caring above and beyond for me, especially Carl. For a bit of background, I’m a lacto-ovo vegetarian and have been for over 10 years. Carl seemed to take a special interest in my diet for some reason now that I revealed I was pregnant. It started with him asking me what I was craving, a common question to get in pregnancy. When I said sweets, like chocolate and ice cream, he shook his head and said “I’ll start bringing you things to snack on instead of junk, your diet will never be more important than right now.” From there on out, when I came in the morning for work, there was some sort of fruit on my desk. Kind of weird, but I love fruit, so I shrugged it off and ate it. This continued for weeks until I told my husband and we was freaked out by it, so I made up something about how I started getting heartburn and was told to cut back on citrusy foods by my doctor. After that incident, Carl has been hounding me about my diet. Every day he asks if I’ve ate breakfast and what it is that I ate, making comments about it “not being enough protein” or that I need to “eat a steak for some protein.” When I go to heat up my lunch, he always says “there better be enough protein in that” and even goes as far as coming over to my lunch, inspecting its contents, and calculating the macros in it. Today I had it. He quizzically asked me what I had for breakfast and then shook his head “you should’ve ate a yogurt or something as well to boost up your protein.” I snapped and kind of yelled something along the lines of, “I don’t ask you about your cholesterol intake every day, why do you think it’s appropriate ask me about my protein? Because I’m pregnant with a baby that has nothing to do with you? My diet is between me and my doctor, you are crossing a boundary and need to leave me alone.” He apologized and was didn’t say a word to me for the rest of the day. So, AITA for yelling at my coworker? | AITA for snapping at my coworker for making comments about my diet? | NTA |
10y337l | My family is leaving town for a few days and I invited two of my friends to sleep over. We're all (20F). I have a guest bedroom that has a single bed and my own bed which is a queen. This way I would be sharing with one friend, and the other would have her own room. Last night, they both came over and we had a great night together, watching movies and all the usual sleepover stuff. It got late and time for sleeping arrangements. I said I would sleep next to Sam in my bed, meaning Nicole could have the guest bed. Nicole got offended and asked why I didn't want to share with her, and I dodged the question for a bit but she kept insisting that I share with her so I was honest. Nicole has pretty severe anxiety, and we always try our best to accommodate her. Part of this anxiety means she brings around her comfort blanket everywhere - especially for sleeping over. This is a blanket from when she was a child, and so it is very torn up and old, and it has never been washed. This means it smells absolutely horrible. When she has come over and stayed in my bed once before, I had to wash my sheets to get the smell out, and it was all I could smell all night. I told her that honestly her blanket has a smell that I don't quite like, but that I'd never ask her to sleep without it so I would prefer that she take the other room. Btw, it's not like this room is dingy and bad or something, it has it's own bathroom and is quite spacious, and right next to my room. Nicole got offended at this and left, we haven't been able to reach her since. I'm not sure if I am TA for this, if I should have lied and come up with a different reason or just slept next to her for the night. | AITA for being honest about why I don't want to share my bed with my friend? | NTA |
10y6yf9 | My parents are divorced, I (15F) live with my mum. She has a difficult personality to put it lightly, she cannot take any criticism from anyone without painting herself as the victim, shes very moody, hot headed and people have to REALLY watch their tone when theyre around her. Her personality was one of the main factors of why my dad divorced her. When I was young, she would often talk shit about my dad, and because I rarely got to see him, I thought that my dad was this heartless monster who didnt love me at all. Even though I later learned from him that he originally thought he was going to take custody over me and that she herself insisted on me living with her. She would often tell me that "she was the only one who was ever there for me" and that type of stuff. Anyways when I was 13-14, she started telling me to not talk about him in-front of her, basically asking me to treat my dad as some kind of taboo. This went on and on until I started getting pissed off. I never lashed out at her because of this, usually I just went to my room or something. A while ago, I started arguing with my mum because of the same reasons she would fight with dad, that being that I accidentally looked at her differently etc, she got offended and started calling me names and obviously I would start defending myself. Whenever we would argue, she would go around telling everyone in our family (step dad, grandma, aunties) how awful I was and just venting to them about me. I never got to share my side of the story, and she would always conveniently leave out the parts which would make the situation not so one-sided. I would always have to deal with the name calling and emotional manipulation by myself, never getting to talk to anyone about it. A while back I was talking to my dad and I had a complete breakdown, telling him all of this. He surprisingly said that he related to me, and that he went through the same thing with her. It gave me a sort of comfort and it really helped me knowing that there was finally someone on my side. Sadly, my mom overheard me on the phone and then asked me who I was talking to. When I said I was talking to dad, she let out this offended sigh and told me that I will not talk about her with him. I told her that hes my dad, and that the conversations I have with him are none of her business, I also told her thay she talks about me all the time and with literally half of our family and then just watches while they give me a hard time over things that she took out of context. Mind you I kept my cool during this convo, which im quite proud of. | AITA for telling my mum that what I tell my father is none of her business? | NTA |
10y3cmt | I’m (14f) a bit sure how to start this so I’ll try to write a bit of a summary.My mom (44f) has been very angry about me not helping her with her business. She started it when I was around 3 or 4 and we lived in the US. She would buy just about anything from the US and sell it on Facebook or something else to her customers in Thailand.Back then, I was as involved in helping as a toddler could be. I’d run around grabbing things from shelves for her and such. She would also have been sort of advertise for her. She would give me a script and film me saying it. It was difficult and my memory has always been so she’d often cry and get frustrated with me when I couldn’t do as she said. I think I could be a AH from just that.We stayed that way until I was around 7 or 8.Fast forward to now. We’re living in Thailand and my mom definitely has a harder life here. She has to pay a lot for my education since i don’t know Thai. She is under a lot of stress.Yesterday, she had a meltdown and just cried and screamed about how she wishes I could be the way I was when I was younger. And how she wishes I wasn’t such a useless daughter who couldn’t help her do any work or support the family in any way at all. I thought that all I needed to do was keep getting good grades and staying out of trouble at school would be enough for my mom to stay happy so I haven’t been helping her with the packing and shipping and just everything else.I feel really guilty and like an AH because it’s everything bad my mom is feeling is because of me. But at the same time, I don’t think I have to. I’m 14. I’m so conflicted.So, AITA? | AITA for not helping my mom with her business? | NTA |
10y3180 | I was able to acquire a permit for a backpacking trip next month that is pretty hard to get. The permits are released at the beginning of the year and usually sell out instantly for the year. I have been trying to get a permit for a few years now and always been unlucky.I have a friend, we will call James, that had gotten the permit. James had a change of plans and lucked into getting the same permit for a separate week and offered his old permit to me. The catch was there is no way to sell the permits private party. He released it back into the system, and I then had to be logged in 9am the next morning to be first in line. James basically notified me it would be in there and if I logged in I would have a good chance at getting it, which I did.Sadly after a ski accident I am going to require surgery and will not be able to use the permit. A few weeks back when the injury happened, I mentioned to my roommate and friend, we will call Phil, that I likely would not be able to use it. He expressed how bummed he was for me as his sister had done the trip before and said it was beautiful. Phil briefly mentioned he was interested in going. Not to the point of asking if he could have the permit, but was interested in going at some point was all.I really do not want to offer the permit to Phil. It is a trip that I have wanted to do for years and I am really really bummed that I cannot go. If Phil went and came back with stories, pics, etc it would tear me apart. If it were a more distant friend I would not think twice but some one that I live and spend lots of time with I know it would come up again and again. I am already torn up that I am missing ski season and a few other things I had planned, this being the biggest bummer. I also do not think Phil really respects how hard/special it is to go.WIBTA if I do not offer the permit to Phil? i.e. I would not tell him when I plan to release it into the system like James did with me. To make things harder, James and Phil are also friends. Phil knows how I got the permit re: James. I asked James and he said he really did not care/know anyone else interested.tl;dr WIBTA if I do not offer a hard to get backpacking permit to my roommate because I feel like him going and coming back with the story would be awful for me.edit: after an ever-increasing amount of YWBTA, I plan to tell him when I plan to release the permit. I was stuck in my self pity and it blinded my judgement. | WIBTA If I do not offer a hard to get backpacking permit to my roommate/friend | YWBTA |
10y6drm | Alright so I(F20) have this friend that will call Joe(M20). We've been friends for quite a while now and for the most part we've gotten along, which makes us great friends. That was until recently when he found out about that ChatGPT. He showed it to me and I found it somewhat interesting and cool with the AI and everything but not as enthusiastic as he was. I noticed that he was starting to seem more and more addicted to bring in that as it would seem that was all he would talk about and even when we'd hang out he's always be on the website playing with responses and treating it like it was his best friend. It got to a point the other day when it was the only thing that he'd talk for almost three entire time we were hanging out with a couple of friends. Some of the others weren't having a fun time because of it and so I pulled him off to the side and confronted Joe about it. I told him that we were all trying to have a good time and have fun and that all he was doing was being on his phone. He said that he was having a fun time and that he was still hanging out with us, it's just that he also wanted to play around with ChatGPT. I told him that from my point of view he was obsessed with the AI and getting addicted to using it as he is constantly raving about it. He argued that he wasn't addicted and that it was just a fun thing to pass the time, too which I argued that if he wanted to pass the time with that he shouldn't try to hang out with us while we do other things as we're not obsessed with ChatGPT. The argument went on for a little bit more before I just have up arguing and went back with hanging out with my other friends. But I'm starting to wonder AITA? | AITA for telling my friend that he's too obsessed with something? | NTA |
10y7deo | I'm in my last year of BCs in Physics. As this is the last semester, we have a course unit that is exclusively based on lab work where we apply all the knowledge we built during our BCs. We have a lot of different lab works and we have to make a report for every single one of them that can take up to 20 pages each, where we also have to respond to some Physics question that are pretty hard, make graphs and so on...We are in duo and I feel like my lab partner has kinda taken advantage of me. I'm the valedictorian (He noticed it as I'm usually discreet) and he'll let me do all the hard Physics, data processing on Python (graphs etc). It takes around 2-3 full days a week which is extremely time consuming. Indeed I also have to prepare competitive exam to join very prestigious MCs in engineering AND the final exams for the last semester. I just cannot spend a third of my time doing these reports almost entirely alone every week until the end of the semester otherwise I'll just fail the competitive exams I talked about earlier.Therefore I my duo a whatsapp message that said the following :Hi, I noticed that you let me do all the difficult theoretical parts of the reports, and as soon as you get stuck on something you just put a comment hoping that I will solve the problem. I'm not a rocket scientist and it also takes me a long time to answer all the questions, sometimes I do long research in books or on the internet. Moreover I have to take care of the data processing part in Python every time, which also takes a lot of time. I think you should also take decisions when necessary without waiting for my validation.As you know we both have competitive exams at the end of the semester. I can't jeopardize my chances of getting into a good course because I spend 2-3 days a week just doing the report. So from now on, we should be more organized on this aspect and one of us will do the data processing and the other the theoretical part (and the calculations from the data processing). It doesn't mean that we should never help each other, but the distribution of the tasks is currently not fair at all.I hope I have not been too harsh and I apologize if this is the case, but I hope you will understand the situation. **If I observe no change, I'll just stop making the reports.** He responded that I really was not cool, and that it was more difficult for him to do more theorical/data processing parts compared to me. so AITA ? | AITA for telling my lab partner I can't spend more time on lab work and he also has to do the hard work, and that I'll stop making reports if nothing change ? | NTA |
10y4f5a | My (29F) boyfriend (30M) and I share a shower. We both have somewhat long hair and a history of clogging the drain. I've developed the habit of collecting all the hair surrounding the drain and pushing it to the corner to keep it from going down the drain. For many years, I'd throw away the giant hair clump when I'd get out of the shower, but by then I'm totally clean and the clump is slimey and disgusting, so about 4 months ago, I just started letting the "hair monster" grow in the shower corner. My boyfriend always comments on how disgusting this is and insists I throw it away, but refuses to do it himself for the same reason (it's gross). The thing is, if it were up to my bf, the shower drain would clog and become useless within 3 days, and then our shower would fill with water and eventually flood the bathroom floor. He is more than welcome to be proactive about the hair monster, as it is a lot of his hair too, so AITA? | AITA for creating a giant hair monster? | ESH |
10y4bxq | This happened over the summer but I'm still getting backlash for it I (28f) visited my dad (52m) and his wife (49f) for 2 weeks with my 2 young kids (both f). Me and my girls stayed in their house for the entire 2 week period. Will note this trip was my dad's wife's idea. During our stay my dad and his wife were nothing but gracious. Made sure we had activities planned and paid for. Fridge stocked with snacks for my girls and alcohol for me. She wouldn't allow me to pay for ANYTHING even when I tried. I made sure to clean up after ourselves and help with dishes and dinner prep to show I’m not taking advantage of the hospitality. As an extra thank you I purchased a thank you card and gift card for their next grocery run after we were set to leave. I knew they spent a lot and with the price increase I wanted to help take the load off. When my dad picked her up from work he gave her a heads up and she was pissed. Came home, walked right past my oldest who was patiently waiting to give her the card, and slammed her bedroom door in my daughter's face. Apparently she was pissed that I wanted to give her something because being a host was expected since she's family and the card was a sign that I don’t consider her family. I made sure to thank both her and my dad in the thank you card the gift card was in so she didn’t feel signaled out. But according to my dad she wouldn't even open the card. That night there was a lot of yelling between her and my dad, to the point I had to step in and remind them that I have kids in this house and they also have her minor child (16f) in the house who doesn’t need to be around the yelling. I even told them if it didn't stop I would be going to a hotel and stay there until my husband (30m) and MIL (50f) arrive to take us home. (the arrangement was my husband and MIL would come get me and my girls after the 2 weeks so I wouldn't have to fly alone with 2 young girls) I ended up taking the gift card and buying ingredients for dinner the last night I was in town since they were hosting a farewell dinner with my dad's side of the family. I'm still confused as to where I went wrong so AITA?I’ll edit since I’m seeing similar comments: 1) there’s no cultural difference2) I also got her daughter a gift card for her and her girlfriend to have a date night on me because both her and her girlfriend were so sweet to my girls 3) my dad went with me to pick something out. I originally was going to get her flowers and a gift card to her fav restaurant. My dad told me no because she dieting and gets made when he tries doing those things for her and groceries would be my best bet because she mentioned in private how much they were spending and it was stressing her out. I reconfirmed that gift card route before purchasing | AITA for giving a gift card as a ‘thank you’ | NTA |
10y5wla | I’m writing this in a grocery store parking lot, so forgive any minor spelling errors.I’m a 17 year old girl with high functioning autism, anxiety and others that aren’t important to the story. In 5th period, we were watching a movie, which consent forms were given out and my mom had signed, and the first 10 minutes that we watched left me extremely anxious. I was trembling, but that was about it, so the next period, English I asked my teacher, let’s call her Ms. Taylor, if I could sit outside to calm down because I was having bad anxiety. She agreed and I sat outside and listened to music to try and calm down and I used the bathroom a bit after because I had to go. When I came back I took my computer, which I was listening to music on through my headphones, Ms. Taylor said “Hey, why don’t you play a round, ok?” The rest of the class was playing a review game for an upcoming vocab test. I was still trembling and I knew I wasn’t ready to play, but I felt I had no choice so I played 3 different games on Blooket, it’s kinda like Kahoot, just with added pressure. I was still trying to calm down by listening to music as I played but it didn’t help. Ms. Taylor never asked me if I was feeling any better or if I was ready to play, and she would only start the game when everyone, including me, had joined in. My anxiety… or panic attack was getting worse and I felt like I wanted to cry and multiple times felt I might puke.After 6th period I went to the Nurse’s office because I realized this is not normal and at 2:00, around 2 hours after I initially had my anxiety, I called my mom asking if I could go home. I’m not very good at understanding what my body is telling me or what I’m feeling is called, but I was still trembling, my right arm specifically was shaking intensely like never before and my arms were stuck in front of me and my muscles tensing extremely. Anyway, my mom didn’t want me to leave because of 2 missing assignments I had to turn in and told me to just push through it. My hand was shaking so bad the telephone wire in the nurses office was cosplaying a snake. I can’t explain this enough, this wasn’t normal anxiety. This doesn’t FEEL like my normal random anxiety I can just ignore. My mom ultimately decided it was my choice if I wanted to leave or not, so I decided to leave. The nurse checked me out and as I was driving home, my mom called me to ask if I could run to the grocery store to get groceries. I’m in the parking lot right now typing this up, and I can’t figure out if I did something wrong. I acknowledged I was having anxiety, told my teacher and removed myself to calm down, then when I felt worse because I was forced to play the review games that usually stressed me out on a regular day I went to the nurse after class. Am I the asshole? Or am I just in the wrong?Update: I just got home and I’ve stopped shaking and felt better, kinda. I’m incredibly drained and feel kinda depressed-ish. Mom didn’t ask anything about my anxiety…whatever it was, and told me to go to my room to detox like I do every day and then told me to get working on some Chemistry homework. Small edit: Not sure if I mentioned it on this post but what i specifically remember my mom saying on the phone in the nurses office that originally made me feel like an asshole was something along the lines of “well this has started to become a problem and I don’t want you to leave when you can just get through it and power through.” I’ve been having some issues at work and had 2 anxiety attacks I believe because I got extremely overwhelmed, I work in concessions, because of all the people and it was going too fast for me to keep up so I would leave early. That’s what my mom meant by this has become an increasing issue. | AITA For Leaving School Early Because I Felt Awful? | NTA |
10y6q5w | I (21F) live in a college dorm with my roommate (20F). She has a group of friends that she hangs out with a lot. She is rarely in our shared room (less than an hour every day except for the couple times a week she sleeps here). She usually goes to sleep at her friend's apartment which is nearby.Multiple times per day, her friends will try to hang out with her by coming to the dorm room and knocking on the door/cracking the door open to see if she's in. In the rare times that my roommate is actually here, she'll tell the person to come in. I'm a person who is spooked easily so it snaps me out of my concentration on whatever I'm doing at that time (usually doing homework).A specific one of her friends will knock multiple times, waiting a few seconds in between each set of knocks, before eventually cracking the door and realizing that my roommate is not here. It bothers me because he'll spend a few minutes just standing at the door knocking. The first week of school, I answered the door and always told her friends that I've only seen her for five minutes or so that day and that I didn't know where she was. Most of them have switched to just cracking the door or doing a single set of knocks. This one guy just continues to spend so much time knocking on the door, and I know that it's the same person because they knock with the same pattern every time. I've continued to just ignore it. I'd rather not have to get up from my desk and further break my workflow. Plus, I figured that it would make sense that if there is no answer, my roommate is not here.So, WIBTA if I asked my roommate to have her friends send her a text if they wanna hang out rather than coming directly to our shared room since she is rarely actually here? I don't want to call out a specific one of her friends so I figured that this would be a good way to fix the issue in general and save her friends the time of coming to knock on the door. | WIBTA if I asked my roommate to stop her friends from knocking on the door? | NTA |
10y80f3 | There was this burger place that I liked and would order from regularly, as title states. It's like $12 for a burger and fries. To be honest, the food wasn't *extremely* good as the burger and even fries would often be kind of burnt, but it had convenience as the main factor that kept me going.Anyway... I'd always order and pay online, and then go in and pick it up. Someone would hand me the bag every time and that's it.After about 6 months of ordering there, I go to the counter to ask for my bag. He gets the bag for me, but stops before handing me it and says, "Do you enjoy our service?" I say "Yes..." in confusion. He has a confrontational look in his eyes and hands are shaking. He says "Does the food taste good?" I say yes again still like wtf. Then he's like "We notice you never tip." And I say "Ah... yeah, sorry, I didn't think I needed to. The online ordering system never asks for one." He doesn't say anything else and finally hands me the bag. I leave and never order from there again.He was acting like I'm the asshole, but I left there thinking to myself "that guy is an asshole". AITA? Should I have been tipping them the whole time? | AITA for not tipping at a restaurant that I'd order from about once every 2 weeks? | NTA |
10y6cxm | I will start off by saying my husband and I are very lucky to have family that enjoys buying things for our kids, we are grateful that they are loved. We tend to spoil our kids a bit, so they already have more than enough clothes and toys. We just had our second child, and we are starting to outgrow our home a bit so we asked for just books this last Christmas because we simply have no more room for toys and such. Well, my mother in law who is the one who tends to buy the most things, only half listened to our request. She cannot pass up a deal, even if it’s something that is not necessarily that nice or even needed. Lately she’s been obsessed with eBay and buying clothes on there for the kids because she recently discovered how cheap she can find things there. This last Christmas she sent a huge box of clothes via mail (she lives 8 hours away,) mostly for my 3month old. 99% of the clothes were so outdated and not at all the way I dress my son. I felt bad but my husband and I both agreed we’d donate them because they’re not something we’d put him in. We’ve also mentioned before that the particular brand she buys on EBay have sewing defects a lot of the time. I want to make it clear that I don’t mind getting gifts that were purchased on sale, that is NOT the issue. She mentioned that their toy Christmas presents are at her house and that they can open them when we visit. This frustrated me because we specifically asked for books , she’s aware we have no more room because we mention it all the time. We already have to purge and donate toys constantly , which we did before Christmas to make room for the few new toys we got our kids. I would like to say we let her know we are thankful, but we don’t let her know that sometimes we just donate the toys or clothes. Sometimes we also donate gifts from other family but she is the one that buys the most which is why she’s the one mentioned. AITA for this? | AITA for donating new clothes and toys given to my kids by family? | NTA |
10y7n3x | My brother and SIL and I used to be friends. Things changed after my bf broke up with me unexpectedly when I was pregnant and I decided to move back to my parent’s house. My parents, brother and SIL were super nice and encouraging, and reassured me they'd be there for me and the baby. My SIL had a baby before me, and left a bag of baby clothes at my house when I was pregnant. She never said anything, my mom was just like, she left these here for you. I had a bunch of other baby clothes from friends, so I put them in with those clothes. I decided to move back with my bf when my baby was 7 months. I was nervous to be alone with the baby all day, and was still upset about the breakup. I texted my brother and SIL and told them when I was moving, and that I was scared. Neither said much. A week later, my brother sent me an accusatory series of texts, saying that I sucked because I hadn’t given back their baby clothes once they were outgrown, so they could give them to a friend. I was shocked, because most people don’t expect you to return baby clothes, especially without saying something, but my brother made it seem like everyone returned baby clothes, and I was an uncouth loser for not knowing. My SIL insisted on digging through ALL his outgrown clothes to find the ones she’d given me. I found this invasive, but my mom wouldn’t let me say no. I was upset and never would have accepted the clothes if I had to give them back, but I wasn’t given that choice as they were left at the house. My brother and SIL dismissed my feelings about the clothes by calling it a misunderstanding and saying I was overreacting by being upset.Two weeks after I moved, my SIL texted me for my address. I didn’t answer, but she got my address from my mom and sent a housewarming gift. It felt fake and forced. I was put off that they could just treat me badly, then mail a bunch of stuff against my will and think everything was ok. A few months later she mailed me a gift for my baby’s birthday, but her gifts injured him, plus he almost choked on one gift. The gifts had bad juju, and I didn’t know what I was potentially agreeing to by accepting them, like with the clothes. But I was gracious and kept the peace.A few weeks later, I read something saying when faced with guilt or resentment, you must always choose guilt. I took a deep breath and texted my SIL. I told her I didn’t want her to mail me any more gifts, that I never gave her my address or wanted my mom to give her my address. I told her I was upset at how she and my brother treated me about the clothes, and that it felt like I was being put into the same situation again, against my will, which is why I didn’t want any more things mailed to me.Well, my brother and SIL told me they’re basically done with me, and my mom is on their side and says I’m just so mean. My SIL says I’m not allowed in their house or life unless I apologize to her. AITA? | AITA for telling my SIL to not mail me presents anymore? | NTA |
10y3h8f | I've had this moral dilemma for months now. A friend of mine shared a secret w/ me which if her bf found out might put her in a very, if not bad, at least questionable light. There's no malice between us, we are really good friends, but ever since she told me it's been eating me up and I have been trying to find a way to either let this go, force her to do "the right thing" or just tell her bf myself.(//:sorry if my story is messy://)Few months back my friend told me she has her bf's family heirloom in her possession which was deemed lost years ago. Her bf's brother had given his ex a ring (mom's or grandma's not sure) and when they broke up the ex never returned it (I don't blame her, a gift is a gift, but I digress). However, the ex-gf had in fact returned the ring... to my friend. It's been 2+ years now since this happened and she still hasn't told neither her bf nor his brother.When I asked her "why", she said "I want to teach him a lesson to not give family heirloom away that easy. My bf might have wanted to give the ring to me ffs". I can understand a certain level of pettiness but I don't know how much longer this is going to go on for. She's in no hurry to give the ring back to anyone and even brags how she loves thinking the brother feels bad about losing the ring.I've tried bringing this up a couple of times w/ no prevail. There's just no talking to her. Which is why I've started to think should I just tell her bf instead? I just think my friend is going too far in her "revenge".​What should I do? Just stay out of it and should I say something? | WIBTA If I told my friend's secret to her bf? | NTA |
10y57xs | BF (35) and I (32F), live together in an apartment we bought a year ago. We usually both work from home but today I had to go to the office. At 13h I get a Teams message from him telling me our bathroom started leaking into our downstairs neighbour's apartment when he took his shower and that he cut the water supply to our place, at this point I didn't understand why he had to cut the whole thing but figured the issue was the pipes going to the shower. We know this should be covered by our home insurance, but don't even know who that is cause we basically just said yes to whatever our bank offered (oops) to reduce our mortagage interest rate. I didn't feel like searching through my online documents at the office so I say I can look into it at 21h when I get home. I actually end up arriving a lot sooner (20h) at which point he explains that the reason he shut the whole water supply is because there appear to be 2 leaks, under the shower AND toilet - I panicked because up to this point I thought we could still briefly open the water supply to fill the toilet tank when needed and thought the only thing we couldn't do was shower, and we can shower at the gym, this update changed the whole scenario for me. I told him he shouldn't have waited for me to arrive and should have figured out the insurance thing himself if he knew the situation was so pressing, specially since this was going to be our first time using the insurance and had no idea what their ETAs were. He argued he couldn't take any time off to do that because he has only started this job 2 weeks ago, that he had to deliver a training and that he had "just" finished working an hour before I arrived (his shift ended 2h before I arrived but I can believe he stayed a bit longer, not sure if an hour though). He then said he was just telling me what happened, that I didn't need to get mad, so I replied I just wished he would take the intiative, that I could count on him to solve things at home without me. We both got upset started looking for the insurance contact which I quickly found. I called them and because we had to cut our main supply it counted as an emergency so we got a 3h ETA for a plumber to come.Important detail: he is a foreigner, he does speak the language, but sometimes struggles with communicating more "technical" stuff. Still, I would have expected him to TRY to take care of it since he was the one at home.Edit - if I am the AH I will accept that. But just in case I did not explain myself correctly since english is not my first language I want to try to clarify a couple of things. I am not upset he shut the water line, not really even that he didn't call himself, but that he didn't think not being able to use the toilet was a pressing matter. I would have called myself had I known we couldn't use the toilet, but he didn't share the leak involved the toilet until I came home. In the past I have taken the time to run to the hardware store and fix the toilet and other stuff during my breaks. Also, he is a foreigner but while he struggles with technical stuff it is not like he can't communicate at all, his job is in the local language. | AITA for expecting my BF to sort our leaky bathroom situation | YTA |
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