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10yoqwz | So I (27M) am getting married this year and arrangements have just been made (last week or so), deposits paid for and registrar/venue booked. I did check with people before booking the date and although we're still very early into the arrangements, the date is set for a Friday in August this year. I've told some people the date and my fiancée has told her family, some people have made hotel bookings already. My sister is currently travelling and has been for the last 5 months or so. Good for her she's having a great time. This morning I got a message from my mum saying that my sister is upset because she is supposed to be at a music festival (Wednesday - Sunday) where the Friday clashes with our wedding. The festival is around a 5 hour drive away and essentially a mini holiday for her. After I got the message from my mum I immediately called my sister. I apologised to her and told her that I'm sorry I didn't check with her first, I had just assumed that since she's been away for 5 months, she wouldn't have anything else booked. My sister seemed okay with it, she wasn't rude but a bit upset. We talked about how she's getting on with her travels as she's currently in the mountains in New Zealand. She's not going to miss the wedding all seemed good.I then called my mum and she was pissed, as my sister has been travelling, she's not had many opportunities to speak to my sister, most of it has been text. The first conversation my sister had with my mum in ages was essentially (according to my mum) my sister angry at my mum over the phone, blaming my mum for not knowing she was away them dates and generally just being angry and upset. This then upset my mum.AITA for not checking with my sister before booking the dates of our wedding?Extra info for anyone that can be bothered to read it:My sister is going to the festival with 1 friend and she's worried about telling that friend about having to bail for some of it. She's worried the friend will then pull out of going. I have invited the friend to the wedding if it means that my sister still gets to go to some of the festivalMy mum feels guilty (she shouldn't) and has offered to pay for flights to allow my sister (and friend) to get to and from the festival to attend the wedding. My sister has been to this festival a couple of times in previous years already.INFO: my mum is annoyed at my sister and not me | AITA for booking my wedding without checking with my sister? | NTA |
10ytxie | So today, I (22F) had an amazing start to my day. My husband (30M) and I dropped our eldest child (2M) at his day care and went shopping for a couple things we needed. When we got home I started to make our food and had gotten part way through when my husband groaned and mentioned we had no rice cooked. I told him to just go to the store (which would take less than five minutes there and back) and buy microwave rice for now and I’ll cook the rice once we finish eating. He instantly got moody and after I had finished cooking and was setting the table said he wasn’t eating and started slamming around tidying, washing up and, eventually, making rice. We didn’t end up eating until 2.5 hours later and the food had to be remade. After eating in a very tense silence my husband asked why nothing in the house is ever done. He said that I don’t do much in my day and the least I can do is keep the house organised and clean. I tidy every. single day.All whilst wearing our ‘newborn’ (3 months M) in the carrier on my chest. I’m exhausted and burnt out constantly from night feeding and staying on top of the house. So, I want to record a timelapse of every single thing I do throughout the day up until our son comes home from daycare for a week and play it on our TV and ask my husband if he still thinks I do nothing. WIBTA if I did this? | WIBTA if I recorded everything I did during my day for a week and showed my husband? | NTA |
10ys4z5 | I (26M) just got home from the hospital yesterday. To keep it short I have bad asthma and was hospitalized for 5 days and had just gotten back home.My sister (23F) picked me up from the hospital because my mom (52F) Dad (60M) and my step dad (67M) were all at work. I was just so happy to be home and shower and get back to normal after the whole ER and hospital experience. My step-dad came home from work and greeted me and was happy that I got back home (he gets home from work before my mom). Some time after I get a call from my mom, she wants to buy pizza for us since I’m back home. She tells me to tell step-dad to order pizza from Costco (so she can pick it up on the way home), I misinterpreted what she meant and thought she meant me to ask him to go get the pizza from Costco himself. Also I thought it was weird that she was calling me to tell him something when she could have just called him directly (this will be important later)I end the call and go to my parents bedroom where he is. I tell him what I thought I was supposed to “hey [step-dad] I hope this isn’t a bother but mom asked if you could go get pizza from Costco.” He retorts “no, what? I just got home. Is your mom still on the phone? Damn” I just say “I’m sorry the call ended but you can call her back if you want”I hear him leave to his car then come back in. My cousin is in the living room with her kids because their school buss drops them off near my house so they are always there after school, I myself am in my bedroom just resting being back from the hospital. He starts talking trash about me to my cousin saying “OP screwed up big time. He really messed things up. Wtf. He really didn’t understand what was up.” Now this is where I may be TA, I didn’t intend to call him out but I caused him to call himself out actually. I came out and loudly said “I’m sorry for the miscommunication…” he interrupts “yeah you screwed up big time dude!” So I interrupt, “if mom wanted to speak to you directly she should have called you directly” to which he responds quietly “I left my phone in the car.” I give a sassy “unhhuh right that’s why.” As I go back into my room and close the door.I tell my mom about the situation and she’s on my side saying that he shouldn’t have been saying those things especially to family when I’m right in the next room. She’s also glad I stood my ground against him. We then have dinner and I see that he’s being standoffish he’s more serious than normal. He’s still addressing me but only minimally. My stepdad has been giving me the silent treatment since. I said good morning to him this morning as he was on his way out to work and he completely ignored me. I mean it’s easy to see he’s an AH but that doesn’t necessarily exclude me from also being an AH in the situation. Could I have handled it better?Edit: I must mention my mom did call my stepdad before she called me.Edit: he didn’t actually go to Costco. He got to his car called my mom, cleared the misunderstanding, came back inside, and started to talk about me to my cousin and her kids.Edit: I do play rent, and as mentioned before the pizza was to celebrate me coming back from a 5 day hospital visit. | AITA For calling out my step dad in front of family? | NTA |
10ytuts | I was sitting in my office (I work from home) and my husband came in to talk. As we are talking, he grabs a package that was on my desk and opens it. It happened to be a new medication, he did NOT know about this new medication. He’s a doctor though so he immediately knew what it was for. He then pushes past me and grabs my pill container and starts trying to put my new medication in.I loudly ask him “excuse me but what do you think you’re doing?”He responds “putting your new medication in here since you haven’t bothered. You can’t just avoid taking it.”I snap and yell at him “don’t touch it. I can put it away myself.”He storms off and slams the door while responding with “it sat there for 3 days without you touching it.”He’s right. It did sit there. The reason it sat there is I wanted to wait until the weekend to start taking it in case there are side effects (the relatively immediate ones) so I don’t have to miss work.I know I could’ve tried calmly explaining it but he was being pretty aggressive like I’m a toddler he has to take care of… | AITA for snapping at my husband? | NTA |
10yq0zv | AITA for wanting to rest on my anniversary? I 63(M) and my wife 57(F) have been married for 30 years when I was younger I use to have more energy and working 40+ hours a week didn't take a toll on my body. But now it does and I'm more tired than usual, our anniversary rolls around quicker than the flash. She (my wife) wants to go out for dinner and have a movie night but I explain to her how work has been tiresome and I needed to have a break. She got angry and left the house, Im currently sleeping in the guestroom. AITA?Edit : It's a Monday, so it's not the best time. | AITA For Wanting To Rest On My Anniversary? | YTA |
10yuhhm | I (F24) have been dating my boyfriend (M26) for two years and for his birthday last December I decided to get him a PS5. He would play it constantly and I thought that it was just because it was new and it would die down. It’s been over two months now and he is playing it more than ever. Like 8-12 hours a day. Sometimes I will get home from work around 4:30 pm and he will still be asleep, and when I wake him up he goes straight to his PS5. He used to be employed but he is not currently and I was understanding and tried to help him find a job, but he started taking advantage of the fact that I wouldn’t push him to get a job because I thought a grown man could figure that out. I understand needing your own time but we don’t really talk as much at all anymore and I have sat down with him and told him on several different occasions that I don’t like how much time he is spending on the PS5, and that I want him looking for a job. At first he would respond with “ok I will I’m sorry” but now he groans and ignores me and the only time he talks is if I’m watching him play a game. We’re still sleeping in the same room but he comes in to sleep at around 3-4 in the morning and I wake up every day at 6 am. So it really doesn’t feel like it. Then on Wednesday, I reminded my boyfriend that my cousin’s wedding was tomorrow (yesterday) and told him I have an outfit picked out for him. I had gotten up at my usual time and did some routinely things before I got dressed and woke him up around noon. Just to make sure he was up I watched him get up. I told him to take a shower in the other bathroom so I can do my makeup. When I was finished with my makeup, he’s on the PS5. I was extremely furious. I unplugged it and put it in my car. I said to him that he can get this back when we are home from the wedding. He obliged. Then about an hour into the wedding I had been talking to a couple who wanted to buy a house. Me being a real estate agent, was doing what I always do in this situation which is just a lot of sweet talking. My boyfriend walked over and I introduced him and said “oh! This is my boyfrien-“ I was interrupted by him saying “can you give me my ps5 now” I was mortified to say the least and told the couple to excuse us. I say to him “you want the PS5 so bad? Fine. I will drop you off, then coming back.” When we get home he gets out the car and I drive off with the PS5. I was just so pissed off that that was the reason I had left the wedding that I didn’t care. We share a car so he doesn’t have another. I hadn’t responded to any calls or texts from him until I got home because I just wanted for a couple of hours to not have my relationship be fixated on a PS5. I came back late that night and I apologized to him but I told him I’m not giving it back until he finds a job because it is ruining our relationship. He cried and I started to feel bad and I’m debating whether I was being too controlling. So AITA? | AITA for taking my boyfriend’s PS5? | NTA |
10ypcqj | I came to visit my hometown for the first time since 2018 and my teenage age siblings have been very excited to see me, and in the process got distracted from their school work. My mother isn’t happy and gave me an option, either travel with her to go see my grandma(she was already planning this trip for herself before I came) in a different city or she’s gonna take the kids with her because she’s doesn’t want me home alone with them and possibly distract them further from completing their school work. The thing is I only been here for a week of my 3 week vacation and now my mom is asking me to either stay here in a mostly empty home with my older brother, or to travel with her and leave my baby sibling behind. I said no as I thought this is ridiculous but she then went ahead and got flight tickets for my siblings to go travel with her. I’m sitting here right now, not knowing how to even feel about this. My mom says that I have shown to be destructive because when I briefly visited my elder sister who she had a baby a year ago, and my mother and younger sibling also came to visit…apparently I distracted my sibling from their school work for couple weeks and that’s what she’s trying to prevent now. So AITA for refusing to do this? | AITA for refusing to fly somewhere to stop “distracting” my little sibling? | NTA |
10yukk2 | My parents fiftieth anniversary is this spring and my brother and sister want to take them on a houseboat trip.The one they want to rent costs about $16,000 for a five day booking. That's not bad since it can sleep 28 people. It's a little over $100 per person per day. However they want to split the cost three ways. $5,300 each. It's my parents anniversary. And a big one. Both myself and my partner make good money and we could afford it. However I think it's fair for us to pay for our room and 1/3 of my parents' bill. That would be more like $1600. The reason I think that's fair is because I am not bringing kids or grandchildren. I don't have any. I have an elderly English sheepdog who is not invited. My brother is bringing his wife, three kids and their partners and their kids, and four grandchildren. My sister is bringing her husband, her children, his daughter, all their partners and kids. I don't know all the grandchildren since I don't know her stepdaughter that well. Regardless I don't want to pay much more than what I think is fair. I might be willing to go up to $2,000 just to keep the peace. But more than that is ridiculous. I can take my parents to Vegas by myself for less. My siblings think I'm being cheap and unfair since it is a special occasion and we are doing it for our parents. I think that they have a bunch of other adults who could pay their own way. | AITA for insisting on a fair split for a vacation or I'm not going? | NTA |
10ys40o | Okay so let me preface this by stating I LOVE animals. More than humans. So much so, that any insect I find indoors, I refuse to kill. So my buddies and I were getting drunk playing MTG (Magic the Gathering) when I had to use the restroom. Inside of my buddies bathroom, is a small animal cage; with a kitten in it. Granted, it’s a huge bathroom, but that’s not the point here. He ALSO has 3-4 cats in a small hallway on the other side of the house. They are kept in this hallway all day everyday. The first side of the hallway is about 8 feet? (Rough estimation, and it’s about 4 feet wide. It wraps around to about another 3 feet or so. That’s where he keeps his 3-4 cats. But that’s not all. He also keeps 2 other cats in a breezeway, in between the house and garage. He refuses to let them out. Stating “they will tear everything up, won’t get along, etc) he ALSO has a dog, that is kept in this tiny ass cage. And when it’s cold, (-35 winds hill we had recently) I REPEATEDLY told him he better being his dog inside. And that I wasn’t playing. He instead, brought him onto the porch, (opened porch) and stated that was good enough. Now, we’re playing Magic. I just got back from taking a piss, and i’m already sauced. I’m thinking of that cat in the cage, the other cats who never get the opportunity to run around, and the poor dog who could be really cold. So I passively aggressively make a comment. Something like “imagine if you were kept in a small confined area, and weren’t able to run around.” To which everyone looked at me puzzled. Except my brother who knew what I was on about, and agreed. He stated he thought the kitten should be free. My other buddie got defensive and tried defending his point starting “he planned on assimilating them” but he has yet to do so, and we all know he won’t. This spawned an argument between me and him, to which I vehemently stated “I don’t like the way you keep your animals. What’s the point of having them, if you’re just going to segregate them?” He got upset and said “we shouldn’t talk” AITA? I’m fully ready to admit I could have approached it in a better manner. However this isn’t the first conversation I have had with him. It’s also worth stating his cats really seem to like him. So I need advice. Thank you. | AITA for telling my friend off for how he segregates his animals? | NTA |
10yrull | some background first:I (20f) and my younger brother (16m) have always been very close. we were raised by a single mom who worked incredibly hard to support us, which meant she was absent most times. This meant that I, as the older sibling, practically raised my brother— from making sure he ate his meals, to dressing him for school as a kid, to helping with his homework. this led to me being very protective and often physically affectionate to me. hugging him when he feels down, or snuggling up to watch movie... it's just how we show our love. nothing wierd, just pure familial affection.now my brother started to date this girl a few months back. i was really happy for him since he has never been a social person. however, she seemed to dislike me from the start. everytime we met, she would make snide remarks about my looks and clothing (i tend to dress in a somewhat masculine way). she once even told my brother that she felt uncomfortable around me because liked girls.she has always given me weird looks everytime i hug my brother or show any physical affection towards him. a few days back, she came over to our house. after my brother and her hung out for a while, he suggested we three should all watch a movie together. i think he was trying to help us bond or something. we all settled on the couch, my brother in the middle, both of us on either side. after a while i put my arm around my brother and hugged him closer like we usually do while watching movies. his girlfriend seemed to hate that. she said i was making them uncomfortable, and that i should get a separate chair to sit on. i refused to do that, frankly cause sitting on a chair to watch a movie would be uncomfortable. she threw a fit. she said this much skinship between siblings is abnormal, and that i was obsessed with him. she also said that since she was his gf, she has some boundaries. my brother tried to explain to her that it was how our relationship was. she then said, and i quote: "are you blind? can't you see you're being groomed?"we were both completely shocked. she left soon after, and from what i gathered, hasn't really spoken to my brother since. i am so baffled by this. i understand the bit about her having boundaries and being uncomfortable, but i never imagined someone to view my purely familial affection as being a 'groomer'. i feel somewhat disgusted with myself and the implication behind the statement. and i can't help feeling guilty for having ruined my brother's relationship. is it really not normal to be physically affectionate with your sibling? AITA | AITA for being physically affectionate with my brother in front of his girlfriend | NTA |
10ytno6 | I (24F) have a terrible relationship with my mom (62). She frequently accuses me of incestual things with my dad. Things like looking at him inappropriately or fantasizing. We recently got into a fight because we got home from thanksgiving, and she accused my dad and I of having a “major hug session” which she deemed inappropriate (he was consoling me bc of my sister). I rarely come home but everytime i do she tries to kick me out- she thinks I’m trying to steal her position in the family.I finally flipped out on her after she said we “needed a break.” I cut contact for a month. I feel so sad that she continues trying to ruin my feeling of safety in the family and that I can’t come home. My dad (63) is my best friend. I live in a different state and miss seeing him everyday. He is from Austria. It’s our happy place. I told him I would come this year, but after the fight with my mom, my mental health severely declined, i was diagnosed with OCD depression and thought that I couldn’t handle another accusation or close quarters with my mom. So I flaked out last minute. My dad understood my decision not to go but was still melancholic about going without any kids. He said that we have to take these opportunities while we can. I feel so guilty and I’m just spiraling and miserable. I haven’t gone in years just because of college, but now i’m remote and feel like i could’ve made it work. I’m at their home watching my younger sibling and thought it would be good to be home without my mom here. Usually I show up everywhere, so it was a shock. I’d never pass this opportunity up- my dad even agreed on paying. My Mom told me I could’ve gone, which just makes me angrier at her. She makes me feel like none of what she’s done has happened and that I’m overreacting. She makes me feel like a bad person that deserves this. Since then, she’s been nice, and it’s just messed with my head. She’s just going to do this again to me in another form. (I also think she’s being nice because I am moving into a very nice apartment that she would want some part in.)My boyfriend says that i made the right decision to set boundaries. I have trouble letting things go - and keep thinking of “what if.” Time goes by so fast, and I feel petty for not having gone. NOTE: i have an older sibling. My mom has done this a few times in the past to my sister but makes it my dad’s problem, not hers. my sister has lived at home for a year, and is never kicked out. My mother has never gone to therapy.There’s been so much violation, that I can’t even tell if I want a relationship with her. It comes in waves My bf says its my dads job to protect me and that he should’ve stood up for me and made me feel comfortable going with my mom. I don’t know if that’s true. My dad knows its a lost cause trying to stand up for me- wouldnt it just make things worse?AITA for flaking out on the trip, making my dad sad and telling my mom its because of her? | AITA for ditching vacation with my dad | NTA |
10ysate | I live 1000 miles away from where I grew up. I have a childhood friend that I visit when I go to town. We have always met up at restaurants and I've always let her choose, but I pay. She's always chose fast food until this year. This year, she wanted to meet up at a steakhouse. It's once a year, so I agreed. We ate steaks and she wanted dessert. I was stuffed. I went along and ordered the dessert and took one bite. She did the same and asked to pack it up to take home. I let her take it. We then walked down the shops outside and "coincidentally" a friend of hers was sitting on a bench. She wanted to celebrate seeing her friend by having me buy them snacks. I said she was free to do that, but I needed to go to the bathroom as a way to exit the situation. Acting like I needed to go NOW after eating so much. I met back up with them and she kept pointing out food and wanting me to buy it for her. She was acting like a 2-year-old over a smoothie place saying she has NEVER walked past without buying one. I said, "So go buy one!"... she had no cash, she wanted ME to buy it. I was a little offended because I had just spent over $120 at a restaurant and she was acting like I was there to buy stuff for her and her friend. I faked a phone call "emergency" and left her standing there demanding a smoothie for her and her friend. She texted me later that I spoiled her "never walking past" because she was broke and didn't get paid until Friday. I pretended she didnt text it. I found out later she is telling everyone how greedy I am and that I'm a rich Azz\*\*\*. AM I? I could afford to buy her the smoothie, but I was ticked off about her acting like I owed her one....and bringing a friend??? | AITA for not buying my friend a smoothie | NTA |
10ytaxh | Growing up, my mom was never the type to be tidy. Even after she retired and had more time, she seldom cleaned her home and has a tendency to hoard useless/broken things. She has an old broken computer chair, broken aircon, LARGE PLASTIC BAGS FILLED WITH OLD CURTAINS OR CLOTHES that are just hanging out by the hallway upstairs. There are other useless knick knacks that can be found downstairs that are gathering dust. I keep insisting that she throw them away but she will always say that the garbage men wont take it or she doesnt know anyone who will take it for a fee. If you even mention to her that her house is dirty, she gets so offended and then defensive. She has no excuse. She’s 71 and still limber, but all she does all day is watch movies or play on her phone. I guess it was the messy and cluttered state of my childhood home that when i moved out, i made sure my own place wouldn’t be like that. Fast forward many years into the future, i met my now fiance who is an even bigger neat freak that i am. I went home to my hometown last week and told my mom that my fiance and I will visit in a month. She said we could stay with her. I told her i was grateful, and then asked her if i could hire a someone to deep clean the home and throw away all the crap before we visit. She got offended and said the home was fine as it was. I finally insisted and said that the home was dirty and bordering on gross. I told her that if she refuses, then we will stay at a hotel. She told me i was being a snob, but im just so embarrassed at the thought of my fiance seeing that messy and dirty home that my mother refuses to do nothing about. AITA? | AITA for telling my mom the reason why my fiance and i are staying in a hotel is because her house is filthy? | NTA |
10ytdds | Let me preface by saying that My wife and I have a great relationship. This is more for the sake of settling an ongoing argument.We buy various kid snacks for our two children (6 y/o and 1 y/o). Most of these items are things we would not ordinarily buy or consume ourselves like fruit pouches, goldfish crackers, juice boxes, etc. Sometimes, if I am feeling “snacky”, I will help myself to one ore more of these items. If my wife sees me doing this, she will invariably chide me for eating the kids snacks. My usual response is that they are “our” snacks and we can always get more if we run low. Things to note. 1. I never take the last one. 2. I never eat their “desert” treats. 3. I never take food off their plate(unless they are completely finished eating) 4. I cook 98% of the meals in the house. I will accept whatever judgment is passed. | AITA for eating my kids snacks? | NTA |
10yv31u | I am a chemistry professor at an SLAC(Small Liberal Arts College). I currently am teaching a section of organic chemistry, and this class is very small(<25 students), as such, we have this small tight-knit community. We get along really well, so what happened next really blindsided and surprised me.One thing you should know about me is that I tend to push my students hard, we cover advanced topics in great depth, and I assign weekly homeworks, as well as pop quizzes to make sure my students are keeping up with the material. I also do after class tutoring sessions 4 days a week at 5:00 p.m., and provided students don't have scheduling conflicts, they are required to come to at least 5 of them, throughout the semester.We just had our first midterm, and my students did amazing! I felt like they all really supported each other, on canvas I noticed the class's discussion board was popping with tons of helpful posts, and videos. To reward them for their hard work, I suggested that we take the next 2 classes of, since I'm ahead of schedule, and watch a movie. There's this great movie on Netflix called RRR that I wanted to show my class, and we all unanimously decided to kind of make this a thing, with popcorn and snacks, the whole shebang.However, one of my students recently contacted me, and said she didn't like that I was using class time for watching movies, she felt that with tuition that's being paid, she's essentially paying 100 dollars per class, so she's losing out on a lot of money for the 2 classes that we're doing this, and she feels like she was pressured to agree by the rest of class. I'm not sure that I'm doing anything wrong, but AITA? | AITA for rewarding my class? | YTA |
10yqmxs | Hey everyone,I work at a retail store and recently, one of my colleagues asked me to cover their shift. I understand that things come up and sometimes people need someone to cover for them, but this particular colleague has asked me to cover their shift multiple times in the past few weeks.I've always been willing to help out in the past, but this time I just can't do it. I already have plans and I don't want to cancel them. I also need a break and some time for myself.When I told my colleague that I couldn't cover their shift, they got upset and told me that I was being selfish and not a team player. They also said that they would have to call out and that it would affect their job, potentially resulting in disciplinary action due to how often they call out. They refuse to tell me the reason for the call out, just saying its very personal.I feel bad about the situation, but at the same time, I don't think it's fair for me to have to always cover for this person. I've talked to my manager about the situation and they said that it's ultimately up to me, but I still feel guilty about it.So, am I the asshole for refusing to cover my colleague's shift?Thanks for your input! | AITA for refusing to cover a colleagues shift | NTA |
10yrkdk | I (f23) have a mom who’s getting married this summer with her bf of 6 years. To get a little background info: me and my mother doesn’t have the best relationship, and I have gone lc severel times with her. My other siblings (f28), (m19) and (m17) does all have a bit tight relationship with our mom as well.My mom has been very excited for the wedding, but it has also caused her a lot of stress. She has moved the date of the wedding 3-4 times already because my oldest lil’ bro kept saying he didn’t have time. Now that he didn’t have an excuse not to come, he keep telling our mom he won’t come, which she has been very sad about. She felt down about it, so I offered to buy my mom her wedding dress. Not only have I given money for the dress, but I’m also (not sure how to translate this to english?) something like a host/planner at their wedding. That means I have to show people their seats, coordinate with kitchen and other staff, host and entertain, solve problems regarding the wedding, etc - in short I’m the one who has to make sure the wedding goes smoothly. And I’m her bridesmaid on top of all that. I’ve also helped found a band (I’m a former musician, so I have friends) and waiters (also friends of mine) to help at the wedding. My brothers refuse to help, my sister helps where she can, but she has her own family to take care of, and my mom’s bf’s children (m22 and f26) also don’t want to help. His daughter was also asked to be a bridesmaid, but declined. Both my mom and bf has relied a lot on me. I live 2 hours away by train and all the other children lives at max 10-20 min away by car from my mom and her bf. Here’s where the problem lies. I asked if it was okay I invited my gf to the wedding as my +1. My gf lives on the other side of Earth and has already booked her ticket and taken time out of her busy schedule to come. My mom and her bf are against “homos”, but allowed her to come. But apparently my mom didn’t tell her soon-to-be-husband that I’m dating my +1 which made him very uncomfortable. His family also found out and my mom’s family as well, and none of them are happy about it. My mom told me I have to uninvite my gf. I told her “if my gf can’t come, then I can’t come as well”. She began crying and begged me to be at her wedding, and that I shouldn’t treat her as my other siblings. I talked with my gf, and she told me I can decide myself, but I should be at the wedding, because I’ve worked so hard to better my relationship with my mom. My sis asked me to be there as well, because our mom keeps crying over it, but the situations just doesn’t sit right with me. Of course I’m not just going to leave the wedding to crash and burn, I’ll find someone else to take my place, but they all would rather me be there. So reddit, WIBTA if I don’t show up at my mom’s wedding? | WIBTA if I don’t show up at my mom’s wedding? | NTA |
10yv9je | Okey for context I am M19 living at home. My parents went on a small shopping trip staying in a major city in my area overnight, leaving me and my brother at home alone.When coming back they gifted us each a small present. My brother got a small Latin Book whereas I got a Japanese book. I said: "Thank you but I really don't have a use case for that." And he got angry as always, so I went to my room before arguing ensued. I honestly feel sad because I never stated that I wanted to learn Japanese. I have my interests, yet he got me smt that has nothing to do with me. Furthermore, I have a list of books I want to read, which I created for myself so I could keep track of the books I wanted to read. I had to share the list with them so they knew what I wanted for Christmas (lmao I didn't even get a Christmas present but that's another story).Minutes later he followed me up to my room to confront me.* He stated that I had an interest because I told them a year ago that I admire my friend teaching himself Japanese even tho we attend a challenging school and I didn't know how he had time for that.* He also said I should be grateful.* I stated that I feel more disappointed because he clearly doesn't know my interests and if I were to gift him a Russian language book, would he be grateful?* He said ofc because I must have put thought into it. On the one hand, I feel like I am the asshole because it's not about the present and more about the thought of even getting smt in the first place. But on the other hand, he never shows interest in the first place and all he talks about is school-related stuff.AITA? | AITA for being distant when receiving a gift from my dad because it has no connection to me. | YTA |
10yv178 | I (26F) am getting married this May. My fiancé (29M) and I have decided to have a child free wedding. We love all the kids in our families, but we just preferred to have an adults only wedding, plus, if everyone brought their kids it would increase out guest number by about 50% and we want to keep it on the smaller side. Everyone is totally on board with this except my dad.I have an older half sister (41F) who we'll call Holly. Holly and I have never really had much of a relationship due to our almost sixteen year age gap. Plus, she lived with her mom when I was born (we have the same dad, different moms) and went to another state for college when I was like two or three. We get along well and I love her, we just don't have a ton in common since we've always been in much different stages of life. Holly lives in town with her husband and two kids (12F) and (9M). Despite my efforts, I only see Holly MAYBE once a year ( I get it, she has her own life, I've come to terms with what our relationship is) and I don't think I've seen either my niece or nephew in like three or four years. So when we decided to have a child free wedding I didn't really think much of it. Holly and her husband are invited to the wedding by the way.My dad, however, has always pretended that Holly and I are much closer than we are (and often times has made me feel as though Holly is his favorite but that's a whole other story). When he found out that niece and nephew are not invited to the wedding he became very upset and has brought it up to me multiple times saying that they "aren't just cousins" and I'm their aunt and should want them there. I don't think I'm in the wrong here, and Holly hasn't said anything about it to me so I don't know if she even cares. But my dad won't let it go so now I'm second guessing myself a little. So, AITA? | AITA for not inviting my niece and nephew to my child free wedding? | NTA |
10ykx7n | Ok so my dad passed away when I was pretty little (I was 6)My mom likes to wear her wedding ring and misses my dad a lot. Like a LOT. For example she doesn’t go by her first name anymore. She asks her friends to call her “Mrs. (Our last name)”Another thing she does is like she keeps his ashes in their room and she like talks to them. She’ll tell “him” about how I’m doing, my grades and like things she’s doing. The thing that’s actually a problem is she’s REALLY mean to men. Like at the store if any dude says hi to her she’ll say “I’m married” She’ll throw an absolute fit if a guy gives her a compliment. We were in Trader Joe’s and this dude said “I like your coat” and she was like “you don’t see this ring on my finger?? IM MARRIED. MAAAARRRIIIEEEEED.” And shoved it in the guys face.Today my friends dad came to pick her up and he just made small talk while she was getting her stuff upstairs like “so how long have you been in this house” and she said “My HUSBAND and I moved here 20 years ago.” And he was like “oh nice” and she was like “yeah. No more questions. I’m a married woman”She Snapchatted me and said my mom was really mean and her dad was really hurt about it. I told my mom she’s a little mean to men and she said that was disrespectful to my dad, and that her choice to stay faithful isn’t anyone else’s buissness and if they don’t like it they can f themselves.She goes to therapy a lot, she has been for as long as I can remember. This is just the way it is and i don’t feel I disrespected that. | AITA for asking my mom to be a little nicer to people? | NTA |
10ysbnv | Me (23f) and my husband (26m) got married a year ago and a month after our wedding my husband quit his job. He got into a big fight with his boss and he left. Its important to note that we come from a religious/cultural background where the man is expected to financially take care of the household expenses and work. This was agreed upon by both parties when we got married. When I got married I had just moved to another state and wasn't working. so it was really tough. To his credit he took odd jobs and such to make enough to pay the bills. i took out of my savings to cover other expenses.He told his parents and they lashed out at him, I knew my parents would do the same. So I didn't say anything because I figured he would find another job in three months tops (he has many advanced degrees and could find work quickly). but fast forward 6 months hes hardly applied and only interviewed once. He kept saying that he didn't want to work for another company, he wasn't happy and so on. we argued about it a lot so i left it alone. I was a offered a high paying job, so I took it and while I help out financially, he still manages to do his part. ( i would also like to note that my husband knew I wasn't telling my parents that he quit his job, and he didn't express concern only that he was sorry he was putting me in a 'tough spot').The issue comes up because I just purchased a car. Nothing too crazy or expensive, but I didn't have one and it was getting hard to share or carpool. When my father asked who paid for the car I said my husband. Because culturally and religiously its what expected of him, and I didn't want to make him look bad in front of my parents. Also it's been a year later since he's gotten a job, and I couldn't tell them now that he wasn't working.When my husband found out he was upset that my parents still didn't know he wasn't working. He said I was an AH for not telling them, and for lying about the car. I only did that so that he wouldn't be faced with even more backlash for not working. i thought I was helping him out.But am I the AH?&#x200B;edit: to clarify, yes we are both practicing, and he does pay majority of expenses, from his savings/family income and such. The issue is it's not sustainable, and he's not really doing much to change it. | AITA for not telling my parents that my husband isn't working. | NTA |
10yvlfl | I (18F) exchanged numbers with a guy from my college class after talking with him in the hallway, at first I thought he was sweet and kind of cute. After that he began walking me out to my ride in the parking lot and insists on holding the door for me, I have no problem with this, however the third day we walked together (2 class days after exchanging numbers) I pushed open the door and he grabbed the loop of my backpack and yanked me backwards almost making me fall and told me "how many times do I got to tell you I open it for you" I was really nervous the rest of the way to the parking lot and when we got to my ride he told me "you need to tell me when you're free cause I'm taking you out." That part kind of pissed me off because I have never expressed that I'm interested in him or going out with him and the fact that he didn't ask, but stated that he was taking me out without letting me confirm i was ok with that. The next class I called a friend as I was walking out and he yelled my name in the hallway and tried to walk up to me but I held up my phone to show I was on a phone call and he backed away. Later that night he texted me asking if I was ok but I havent responded. He is starting to make me really uncomfortable, am I the asshole for avoiding him? am I being stuck up for not wanting to be around him anymore? | AITA for avoiding and ignoring a guy that likes me? | NTA |
10yk7t1 | **Girlfriend has an important university exam in a few days.** She hates it when someone is late. Due to the snowy conditions we talked about leaving on **Wednesday or Thursday** for her finals.At 10:30 AM on **Tuesday**, she calls me to tell me that we should leave *today* because her father told her the road conditions were going to get worse on Wednesday. OK, let me get out of bed and see what's up and I'll call you back.**So I called her at 11 AM and said:**Me: The conditions are better. We can leave today.Her: But we have to leave at 12PM or 1PM.Me: It'll be hard for me to get ready by then. I didn't expect to leave today. Let's go at 2PM!Her: No. My father will be mad at me.Me: Why would he be mad at you?Her: He said it's going to get too dark on the road if we leave at 2PM.Me: OK, let's do 1PM then.**At 12:30 PM, I realized I won't be able to get ready by 1PM. So I called her to tell her I'd be ready at 1:30PM at the earliest.***Her: Why won't you be ready? You said you would be!**Me: You know I've got to get the food ready, a lot of clothes, the bread machine, meds, etc. I didn't expect to travel today and it's taking me longer than I expected.*(I have Crohn's disease and on a very strict diet so I have to prepare everything before we leave. Travelling is a bitch.)*Her: Ok, I'm going then.**Me: What?**Her: I'm going. You know how important time is to me and how stressed I am while studying for my finals.**Me: Would an hour really make a difference?**Her: Yes.**Me: So you're willing to go by yourself there for a whole week instead of waiting an hour for me?**I don't even remember her reply, except that she reaffirmed that she's going.**Me: Alright then.***I got pretty mad after this so I called her again:***Me: If you want to be with me and be my wife in the future you'll listen to me, not your father. You're 24.**Her: Whatever, I'm going now.*\*hangs up\*At this point I'm both sad and mad and spent most of the next 10 minutes staring at a wall.**She calls me 15-20 minutes later and says:***Her: Will you be ready with everything at exactly 1:30PM?**Me: No. I thought you already left, so I stopped packing. I can be ready at 2PM.**Her: Then I'm leaving by myself.**Me: Alright.*All I did after this was text her to ask her if she got there safely and if the conditions were ok. She replied with *"Yes, I Just arrived, it was ok."* and that was that.**Normally, my girlfriend bombards me with 10 phone calls a day but we've been silent for 3 days now.**I want to call her and hear her voice, but I think I already know what will happen. She'll blame me and say we aren't meant for eachother (?) while I'll make futile attempts to find a middle ground akin to *"Yeah, I should have gotten ready in time, but I didn't and I'm sorry. At the same time, you could have waited an hour for me instead of storming off without me."***So, Reddit, Am I The Asshole for not calling and apologizing?** | AITA For Not Calling & Apologizing to my Girlfriend After our Fight? | NTA |
10ysfqi | Long story short, my mom is an extremely dependent person and has been coddled by my dad for years even though they’re divorced. He does almost everything for her and she’s really started to expect the same treatment from me. I don’t have anything against helping my mom, but she needs absolutely everything explained to her and whenever I do she almost immediately forgets and asks me to show her again and again. This could be as simple as using the TV remotes or learning Facebook or even skincare I got her for Christmas. There could be instructions and she’ll ask for help going through them. At this point I feel like I need to parent her and “train” her to be more self-sufficient since most of the things she “needs help” with she has everything in her power to do on her own without hand holding. This is where the AH part might come in. I’ve gotten so frustrated that if I do help her I say things like “okay, well what does that button say?” to coach her into using critical judgment (ie “if you want to turn it OFF, where might the OFF button be?” Instead of just pointing to the obvious and continuing the dependent dynamic). I’ve also gotten more extreme and straight up have been more blunt and just refusing to help, but it’s been in front of other people like my bf or her friends and I absolutely am made to feel like an unhelpful spoiled AH by her reaction. AITA? | AITA for refusing to help my (26F) mom (65F) with technology? | NTA |
10yuznu | I (20F) and my (formerly) close friend (21M) are currently college students. We got into a big blow-up argument in september-october 2022 over a myriad of things, like me acting jealous of him because of my crush on him and him having a savior complex to me and looking down upon me. For example, we went to Lollapalooza together in his hometown, and I stayed at his house for a while. He would randomly call me a raging alcoholic in front of his sisters and act like a father to me by not letting me do anything, like using the bathroom at the festival without his permission.I also said hurtful things in reaction to his low blows, like telling him he would get an STD by sleeping around with so many men + women. We are both for sure assholes for this, but we repaired our friendship through multiple long talks. We became friends again at the start of this semester in January. Now, we are on good terms and taking two classes together. Recently, in the last week, he has been responsive on social media, but when we are in person, it is so so awkward. He either gives me the silent treatment or doesn’t talk to me AT ALL during our class breaks, even when I try to initiate. The week before, we would talk entirely through these breaks, and the dynamic was amazing.We usually walk home from class together because we live in the same dorm building. For the last class, I decided to walk home alone because he didn’t speak a word to me even when I tried to talk to him (we have 15 mins before the class started and a 15-minute break). I also decided to sit away from him in today's bigger lecture class. Funny thing is, without me chasing him, he seemed very anxious … like for example, he was physically shaking and scanning the whole room to try to find me, and he also randomly exited the lecture hall to get a better look at me. Ultimately, he found me, randomly made eye contact for five seconds, and didn’t speak.He told me his ex claims he is an evil narcissist. While I initially defended him when he told me this, this hot + cold behavior and silent treatment are giving narcissism! I have the urge to cut him off because we barely talk anymore in person, I feel like I’m chasing him, I don’t really hang w him outside these classes, and most of the time, he contacts me for something… microwave, air fryer, info on the class, speechify, etc.My problem lies in him sharing a subscription w me to a text to speech service called Speechify. I pay for the premium subscription, and I offered to let him use my subscription free of charge. However, it is through my gmail, so he could potentially have access to my email and other important documents. While I don’t mind him having access to it when I trust him, I am losing that trust and connection to have him access my account after future thinking about our current dynamic.So, I removed him from my email and changed the password. AITA? | AITA, if I changed my email password to get my "friend" off my paid subscription? | NTA |
10yuxuq | Throwaway account for anonymity.My wife (35F) and I (36M) were lucky enough to survive the early pandemic relatively well: we had jobs that allowed us to work from home at the beginning of the pandemic, and we both had a roof over our heads and our families are OK. My wife gained a lot of weight during the early pandemic due to multiple health problems (which are thankfully resolved now!) and was very sensitive about her appearance. A lot of her old clothes didn't fit her anymore, but it wasn't a major issue at the beginning since nobody was going anywhere anyway and she could join Zoom meetings with the camera off. As things started opening up again, I tried suggesting to her that she buy clothes that fit, but she always pushed back because she hated buying clothes in person and was embarrassed about her weight gain, so she didn't want the disappointment of not finding any clothes that fit. I would always hate it when we'd go somewhere and her pants wouldn't fit or her belly would show because her shirt was too short, but she'd always brush me off. She's lost a lot of weight in the past six months and is able to fit in her old clothes, which is a relief for both of us. However, she recently got a better job that requires in-person meetings and more responsibilities, and I worry that her clothes don't reflect the promotion. I've been encouraging her to buy more professional clothing, since her old clothes are from her old job when she had a lower-status job and I want her to make a good impression. We are on her health insurance, and I worry that we'll lose our health insurance if she's fired due to inappropriate attire (I have a medical condition that requires me to take medications every day, so we need to be on a good health insurance plan). However, whenever I ask her about buying nicer clothes, she says I'm objectifying her as a woman and that I'm TA for caring more about fashion than about her as a person. So, AITA for wanting my wife to buy nicer clothes to make a good impression? | AITA for wanting my wife to buy nicer clothes? | YTA |
10yjubc | I (14 M) recently moved households after my grandpa died. It was very hard on the family as he was the only grandparent left on my father's side. After moving to a new house and school I made friends with a group of people who were my age. I have been battling with depression and anxiety for several years. I made this clear to my friends to spare the questions of why I was in therapy. There was person in this group who I'll call "M" started off nice and welcoming. As time went on and I began to open up about my life, I began to notice that he was acting off. My parents have money so my brother and I mostly got everything we've wanted. Many kids at school are not in the same boats and I have always respected that. After teachers and students found out of the loss of my grandpa, I was enrolled into a support group along with a few other kids. M began saying that he should be in the group because he felt sad over his grades. Then came the lies and manipulation. He began telling lies that were obviously told to make him seem "better" then I am. Ok cool like do you I honestly don't care. He also began lying about saying racial and homphobic slurs. Then he began spreading rumors about me being gay and sleeping with guys online. I am closeted and didn't want anyone to know. I then shut the rumors down and confronted him. He denied spreading the rumors but apologized. Then he brought up my grandfather. He said that he deserved to be dead because of how I am a dishonor and screw up. Then here is where I may be the asshole. He started to talk about my brother and how he is a r slur and f slur. I called him a disgusting piece of shit who is miserable in life just because he'll never be anything or anyone. I also said that if put effort into his life then maybe he wouldn't be failing every class. He turned red and left. One of my friends said that he was being a bitch but I was an asshole for saying those things to him. I don't think I'm the asshole but after my friend told me that, I can't help but think I amAm I the Asshole? | AITA for telling a "friend" off after they made fun of my dead grandpa? | NTA |
10yplfq | Me (24m) and my gf (22f) have been together for over 2 years. If I go out with friends for a night out she’ll ask me not to put the bedroom light on when I get back which is fair enough, I always use the torch on my phone to make sure I don’t walk into anything.Over the last couple of months there’s been a couple of nights where my gf has randomly gone into a bad mood for no reason on a night. The nights will be going fine and then she’ll just start ignoring me and say she’s sleeping on the sofa. Whenever I stop bothering to ask why and just go to bed myself, she’ll come into the bedroom a few hours later when I’m asleep and out the light on. I’ve asked what’s wrong with her and she refuses to say, she’ll either not answer or just say nothing.I asked her not to put the light on and she didn’t respond. Then last night was the same thing. We were having a good night just watching tv and then out of nowhere she just refuses to answer me when I talk to her and lays down on the sofa. I mention going to bed and she just says she isn’t. I get ready for bed and just leave her and she came to bed 2-4 hours later and out the light on, waking me up. I asked her what was wrong that was meaning she’s doing this and why she’s saying she’s sleeping on the couch then coming to bed waking me up. I told her if she does it again to not put the light on and she just said she has to to see where she’s going and that it’s her bedroom aswell.AITA for not wanting the bedroom light turned on when I'm asleep/trying to sleep? | AITA for not wanting the bedroom light turned on when I'm asleep? | NTA |
10yv3f3 | AITA for always watching tv shows with my girlfriend with Chinese subtitles? When I'm putting on a show for us to watch together, usually an American one, I'll also turn on Chinese subtitles because it helps me with my Chinese studying. I can see and remember and read Chinese characters better like this and also remember the meaning of them better or even learn what new characters mean. Of course it doesnt help with pronounciation since the show is in English.My girlfriend however says she finds it annoying and told me I should turn it off. She said she finds the silly pictures on the screen irritating and doesn't understand why I would learn the language in the first place.AITA? I think she should support me more and be more understanding | AITA for always watching tv shows with my girlfriend with Chinese subtitles? | NTA |
10yqx14 | AITA for kicking my flatmate out?So me and my flatmate has been living together for about 5 months. In summer I found a 2 bedroom apartment and asked him if he wanted to move with me and he said yes. The cost of living would be cheaper and I thought it would be fun to live with a friend. My flatmate had been living with his friend and said that his friend is very dirty and doesn't clean up after him. His friend was also smoking weed and my flatmate called him a pothead.So fast forward and we have moved to the new apartment and we are having fun and things are good between us. Then he went on holiday to visit his parents in another country and when he came back and it was time to pay the rent he said he didn't have any money, only about half of the rent he said he could pay. I started to wonder if this is how it was gonna be every month.........My flatmate said that his old friend who lived with him owed him 500$ so he was gonna ask him to pay him back. He didn't get the the money back because his old flatmate didn't have any money left. I was furious.Throughout the coming months my flatmate became passive aggressive and started acting like a douche.When I asked him where he was going out with or where he was going he always answered "How so?" or "who's asking"?Like I'm just wondering because I want to know if I'm gonna cook for 2 people or just me. And I also want to know who he hangs out with because he lives with me and he is my flatmate.Also he never cleans or do house chores unless I tell him. I just feels like he is trying to take advantage of me. Another thing I noticed was that he would sleep for like 14 hours. Yes you heard it correctly 14 HOURS!!!!I suspected him taking drugs and asked him why he would wake up so late in the day. He always wakes up at 2am or 5am in the day. He said that he sleeps very late and that he has troubles sleeping.Fast forward a month ago and I was gonna take about his dog to poop is when I found a bottle of opioid tablets wich are highly addictive. They are the reason behind while he can't sleep. A common side effect of the drug is insomnia. I did some digging on the internet. I call my flatmate while he was at work and tell him that I found his drugs and that he better tell me what is going on.He lies to me and tells me that he is depressed which he is not. A friend of his later told me that my flatmate confessed to him that he lied to me.Yesterday I told him to move out, and he told me that he mould move out on the last of this month.What should I do? Can I call the cops and tell them to kick him out because he takes drugs? I don't want to live with him and get involved in what he does. | AITA for kicking my flatmate out? | NTA |
10ytahr | My (22) brother (16) has no regard when it comes to my sleep. My brother, M, has to leave the house for school at 6 am. I, on the other hand, wake up for work at 9 am. M tends to go into my room when I’m at work to use my computer (to game or to do work). We have a computer downstairs but M says our younger siblings annoy him when he’s trying to concentrate, and that our parents ask him to do things etc. I’m fine with him going into my room to use the computer, and told him he can do so whenever I’m not home. Here’s the problem, every morning M wakes me up at 5:30 am because he has forgotten something in my room or he wants to borrow something of mine; forgot a notebook, forgot headphones, needed to borrow a jacket, pen- you name it. I am an extremely light sleeper and I have never been able to go back to bed easily, every time M woke me up I wouldn’t be able to sleep for another two hours. I didn’t mind it at first but soon it seemed like every other day he was waking me up three hours before I had to wake up, and my messed up sleep was making me tired at work. So I talked to M and asked him to stop forgetting his shit in my room. I told him to pack for school the night before and that he was being inconsiderate- he wouldn’t like it if I woke him up at 3 am when he had school the next day. I also started putting anything I found of his outside my door before I went to bed. It got less frequent but still he was waking me up to borrow things or get something I missed. So I gave him an ultimatum: Stop waking me up or stop using my computer. This worked for about a week. Then he did it again. I was so fed up with his disorganization and how little he cared. So I stuck to my guns and told him he can’t come into my room anymore and he’d have to use the computer downstairs. He made a fuss but ultimately he couldn’t really do anything about it. Two weeks go by and again I hear knocking. M says “Hey OP, I’m really sorry I forgot my glasses in here yesterday do you mind passing them”. I was pissed he went into my room when I told him not to, and that he was pulling this shit again. So I didn’t answer the door. M has very bad eyesight and is far sighted. I knew he had a math final that morning. He keeps knocking for a good 20 mins, I don’t answer and he eventually leaves. I knew I was just getting back at him at this point, but I was too pissed off to care. He failed the test. The kid’s good at math so I know it’s most likely because he struggled to read the questions. Parents think I’m TA. I feel bad that he failed a final, but feel like I made myself clear. | AITA for knowingly letting my brother fail his Math test? | NTA |
10ypumw | I recently moved to an apartmentplace where theres apparently a lot of retired folks, most around 60-80 y.o.A few days after i moved in an elderly man who lives in a 90 degree angle to my balcony windows started coming to his windows and looking at me every time i go outside. He will even put his hands up to make fake binoculars, to see me better. I tested if he in fact is looking at me by waving to him. He instantly looked like he was confused but he waved back, and then kept looking at me through the window. The way he does it is that he will look at me for maybe 4 minutes then go away from the window and the come back to look again. Since he is not my immediate neighbour i went to talk to my immediate neighbour and asked if he does the same to him. He said he does. I dont like feeling watched in my own home, it makes me uncomfortable. I want to go and talk to him about giving me privacy on my balcony, but my neighbour says IWBTA if i do so as he is just a curious old man. I tried to explain that im not gonna be mean to him but that i just want to ask if i can help him with something since he is always looking pr something like that, but my neighbour insists id be the asshole as he is just an old man curious about the neighbours. Would i really be the asshole if i went to talk to the man about it? | WIBTA if i spoke to my elderly neighbour about not looking through my windows? | NTA |
10ypsht | This happened a couple of years ago, and I was recently thinking about it and whether I was wrong or not. I'm genuinely open to being told I was TA here, because I'm genuinely not sure what was right.Every January, I give something up. It's always chocolate, but often I'll add something else to up the challenge. This started because I would eat too much over the Christmas period and relapse into food addiction. I'd go cold turkey to fight it. This particular year, I gave up basically everything: all sweet things, all snacks (crisps and popcorn etc.), all fizzy drinks, all animal products and all social media. I was really feeling the challenge that year. In February, I was planning on keeping on with only some of the challenge: I could eat animal products again and have fizzy drinks, but still no snacks, sweets or social media.It's important to note that I started this job in early January. Many people thought I was always vegan and never ate chocolate.At the place where I worked, everyone would celebrate people's birthdays with a small, short gathering and a cake during lunch. This time, two cakes were bought. One normal cake and one vegan ice cream cake, specially for me. I thought this was very sweet. However, I refused it, despite being very thankful, saying I am actually not vegan, and I'm not allowing myself to eat any sweets still. It made me feel awful, but I'm very strict with my rules. Every single person told me that I HAD to eat it, since it was bought for me. I eventually felt pressured into eating a bit and breaking my fast. But I really didn't want to. So, what was the right course of action here? Stick to my guns or eat cake specially bought for me with good intentions at heart? Was I TA? | AITA for refusing a cake specially bought for me? | NTA |
10yoz70 | (Throw away account, bc I don't want my family to find out)Little backstory.When I (f19) was 16 I got pregnant, not too proud of it but shit happens. I had full intent on raising the baby but wasn't sure on how to tell my mom, but before I could tell her I had a miscarriage. By now I had to have been pregnant for 3/4 months, never had a check up so I just went on my motherly instinct and determined it was a girl and gave her a name to remember her by. It's a name that I've never really heard before in our country. Let's call her ''Vall'' for the story. Only a close couple friends knew what had happend, and were aware of the name. Now we are 3 years further, and last year a close friend of mine (f20) lets call her Melanie (who was there for me during my miscarriage and was aware of my baby's name), got pregnant. I was really excited for her and contact between us was great. However contact started to fade after she found out her baby was girl, I thought pregnancy stress and hormones were just getting to her. However, when I found out she had a babyshower and didn't invite me I felt a bit hurt. I went on with life afterwards and didn't speak to her again.Recently a friend of mine who wasn't aware of my miscarriage and of the fact me and Melanie stopped talking asked me: 'Don't you think Vall is the cutest little baby ever?' I was obviously shocked hearing that name being said to me, and asked her what she ment by that. She then went on to explain how cute Melanie's baby.After this I was so hurt, I felt so betrayed. I decided to just call Melanie up and ask her about it, to which I got a very harsh: 'Your baby is dead, mine isn't. I liked the name so I named my baby it. You weren't even old enough to be a mom yet and didn't know the actual gender so giving your dead baby a name seems unnecessary anyways' I completely lost it and called her every name in the book, asking her how dare she talk about my daughter like that. She now goes around social media and my friend group twisting the story into me being jealous and a bad person and how she doesn't deserve to be cussed out like that.AITA for the way I reacted? | AITA for getting mad at a friend for taking my baby name? | NTA |
10ysene | My grandmother asked me two days prior if I wanted to go to the museum with her and I told her I would think about it. I never said yes. She bought both of our tickets ($27) for a morning showing at 10am to 1pm. I work from 12pm - 12am. She said she wanted to leave at 5am so we could beat traffic and offered to drive but I said I had work but she asked if I had a sick day I could take. She woke me up at 4:30am, asked if I was ready and I said I never told her yes. She said “okay fine, I’ll just waste my money”. I paid her $40 and she left. I know that she wants to spend time with me and I love her but I feel like she was being inconsiderate. AITA?(Sidenote: The special viewing is the last day the exhibit will be there until next year. She wanted to go) | AITA For not going with my grandmother to the museum? | YTA |
10yttg3 | Update: looks like the general consensus is I am the asshole for making him feel guilty. I accept the judgment.Thanks for helping me see the situation from a different perspective. My youngest daughter lives with her dad. We split about 2.5 years ago and about 8 months ago moved to a city 1h drive away due to health, family, money and my new partner. I made sure I picked her up and drop her off every weekend, however 4 weeks ago got sciatica that made me unable to drive. I'm not able to sit for more than few minutes. My current partner helps me with my daughter and drives us places, picks her up and drops her off. I asked my ex (daughter's dad) to drive her one way because it's not fair on my partner to keep doing it but ex says he is not going to do it for me. I'm pissed off that my partner cares more that my daughter see me than her own dad. AITA for telling this to my ex, trying to make him feel guilty and me being angry and disappointed? | AITA for asking my ex for help? | YTA |
10ytlxx | So my (23f) boyfriend (29m) does not like that I will be having a guy friend (23m) roommate with me soon. He thinks im being an asshole. But, my boyfriend and I cannot live together. He has a kid and doesn't want to move out of his apartment in the country three houses down from baby mamma. I live in the hood so I can understand. His landlord doesn't allow dogs and I have two! However, I'll be moving to a nice neighborhood much closer to his baby momma in the summer. (I have never asked him to move in with me, but I tell you all this because it matters for other reasons). I'll be able to drive to him more (it's a 30 minute drive right now). Anyways, I lost my job. I have had no income for a month. I'm down to 100 in my savings account. I was thinking if I get a roommate then I'll be able to afford bills and see my boyfriend again since he can't even visit me at my apartment even when his kid is at the baby mammas. He doesn't like my neighborhood. My boyfriend is the one who decided we will be having friends of the opposite gender. Not me. And he has had a lot of females snapchatting him and I stayed out of it because he claims they're just friends. But, I'm not allowed to have a guy roommate? Ive never slept with this guyfriend and I'd never sleep with him. He just is idk not my type in terms of characteristics or looks. | AITA for having a guy friend be my roommate while in a relationship | NTA |
10ytkhy | Basically for context, last night I had upcycled an old skirt of mine that was wayyy too long; I had my sister try it on and my sister thought it was her skirt. I reassured her that it was in fact not her skirt and she had nothing to worry about; she then starts being rude and talking in a (what I would say) hostile tone towards me. I just simply gave up talking to her, but you could see that I was upset from the conversation beforehand when I went to talk to my mom. I went in there to ask if she's seen my tank top, and she asked what happened with my sister, I explained to her that she thought the skirt was hers and she became hostile over it. My mother then began to lecture me over "mutilating a perfectly good skirt". I told her that I didn't come talk to her to be lectured, so I walked up and started heading to my room. The walls in my house are pretty thin so as I walked away I heard her saying things such as I was a "brat", and "disrespectful", and I'm sure more things that I couldn't make out entirely; I was upset over hearing these things and yelled back "quit badmouthing me to yourself". Now, this morning I got woken up to being screamed at that I needed to apologize or else she'd force me to go to school (I'm sick and am limiting myself to being inside to not spread it). I sat up in bed and about 2 or 3 minutes later, she stormed into my room demanding the apology. I apologized and said "I don't get how I'm in the wrong" and she said something along the lines of "because you never talk to your mom like that, you're so disrespectful, apologize and act like the adult you want to be so badly"; so I then apologized and she said that I didnt mean it, ran up to her room and then I hear her sobbing. I don't really understand who's in the wrong here then, so AITA? TL;DR I told my mom to not badmouth me when she thinks I can't hear her, she starts crying and I'm forced into saying sorry. | AITA for telling off my mom and making her cry? | NTA |
10yt8q0 | I'm traveling in a fairly conservative patriachial country as a female-presenting person, and I am staying in a budget hotel that has laundry machines (washing machines and dryers) onsite. Important: using the washing machine is free, but dryers cost money.Said machines have signs on them saying to get the keys for locking from reception. The occupancy status of each machine is also updated on a screen on the TV in your room. I checked that the machines I wanted to use - let's call them W1 and D1 - weren't in use on the TV, and went to get the keys from the reception. Neither of the machines I had got the keys for were in use when I got to the laundry room, so I then put my stuff to wash into W1, started it, and locked it. In the interim, to prevent anyone from starting to use D1, I also locked it. I then went back to my room.I got back to W1 just as the rinse cycle was finishing and unlocked D1 to find that someone else had left their wet laundry inside without starting the dryer. Given that there were boxers in the wet laundry, I assumed that it was a man. (Note that there is a cultural thing about strangers touching the underwear of the opposite sex.) I proceeded to put all the wet laundry into the dryer next to D1, started D1, and locked it. I then went back to my room. I came back to the laundry room just as my dryer cycle was finishing, and pulled my stuff out of the dryer. There was a guy at the corridor outside of the laundry room staring intently at the machines. I then opened the dryer next to D1 with the intent to put the laundry back into D1 without realising it was running, but immediately closed it when I realised that it was. When I opened the dryer, the guy in the corridor gave me a look, and I suppose he must have figured out that I was the one who put his stuff in the second dryer. I skedaddled without checking if his dryer continued to run.So, am I the asshole? | AITA for putting another person's laundry into a different dryer? | YTA |
10ypevq | I’ve been playing drums for over a year now and am starting to get really good at it, it was always agreed with my mother that she’d pick me up afterwards because I’m 16 and a girl and it’s dark by the time it ends and is far away from home. However, she recently told me that she wouldn’t be able to pick me up anyone because she’s started going to tai chi classes and i would have to get the bus home, which i would be fine with, if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s dark by the time i leave and getting the bus would require me waiting at a bus stop where I’ve been harassed before. I explained the issue of my safety and she instead called me rude for expecting her to pick me up even though she has always picked me up and always mentions my safety when she’s trying to stop me from doing something. She then suggested that I should quit drumming as a solution. When I asked her if there were any other days of the week she could do tai chi she said no, yet when i sent her a screenshot showing another day she could do it, she got angry at me and told me that she had plans on that day. I explained that I thought it was fair of me to ask her to sacrifice one of the many activities she already does in a week so that I could do the one thing I really enjoy doing.She completely ignored this and said she shouldn’t have to stop doing something so that i don’t have to wait 30 minutes at a bus stop. Completely ignoring that the issue isn’t the wait but instead my safety. When i explained this, she told me that our conversation was over and that i clearly had no respect for her.I have talked to many people who agree that it’s wrong of a parent to put something they’ve been doing for a few weeks over something their child has been doing for over a year and a half and really enjoy. And that the fact I’ve been approached by men before at that bus stop clearly shows that it’s not safe for a teenage girl at that time. so, Am I the asshole? | AITA For Wanting My Mother To Change Her Plans | NTA |
10yv4ud | Hello! So you might be wondering, why would I be posting this in February, when Christmas was in Dec? Well here's the story, and I can't tell if I'm the Asshole.So back in December, my homeroom class decided to do a secret santa. I drew this guy, lets call him Andrew. So I drew Andrew, and I decided to get a basic, Starbucks gift. The website we used to draw also let people put a Wishlist. At the same time, I was very busy packing for a big trip, and of course studies as well. I did not have much time to go out to get something more elaborate, but up until that point he had not put anything on the website. On the day that we had to give the gift, I was feeling a bit sick, plus there was even more packing to do and we were going to fly the next day (I swear trips visiting back home are so tedious), so I stayed at home and I did not get to give the gift, which means I also did not receive a gift for secret santa. Now, since I came back (around the start of January) Andrew keeps asking me where his gift is. I honestly forgot that I got that card, so I said "I'll get you something off your wishlist". But, after some time I realized that I also did not get a gift, and it's kind of unfair. It's unfair because the whole point is that you spend money, but then someone else also spends money and gets you a gift so its beneficial for all. Now, Andrew and his friend both think I'm being unreasonable/unfair for not getting a gift card, but I dont think I am.AITA? | AITA for not wanting to give a secret gift? | YTA |
10ylu23 | So I have a niece, 21F, let's call her Sarah. Sarah has been raised well, has a good amount of money, and recently got married.The other day, we were in a family gathering, and one of my sisters ( not Sarah's mother) had bought me a box of expensive chocolates. It looked kind of weird/ old but I didn't really do anything about it since that's what I thought it looked like. Anyways, I saw Sarah eyeing it and looking uncomfortable/needy. I asked her what was wrong and she said "C-can I have those chocolates?" I agreed since I didn't really need it and I was feeling generous. Today, I got a call from Sarah's mother (one of my sisters) and she was fuming! She said that Sarah and her husband had gotten food poisioning and it was all my fault! I told her I wasn't the one that bought it and I had gotten it as a gift from my other sister. Sarah's mother just completely closed the call in my face. Whatever.I was sort of ignorant until I got a message from Sarah requesting 50$ (the price of those chocolates) I called her and explained I wasn't the one that bought them and that it was a gift and she was the one who decided to take it. Sarah kept getting angrier and angrier and kept requesting the money.I feel kind of bad since I saw that the chocolates looked spoiled but I didn't do anything.So, AITA?UPDATE:Sarah wants money since I apparently was the ne who gave it to her. I told her that was BS and she still didn't care, and kept demanding the money even more | AITA for not knowing the chocolate was spoiled? | NTA |
10yuwi0 | I, 17M, live with my father and step mother. I visit my mother once a week to see my siblings and such, so I don’t lose touch.Recently, my mother allowed some family to borrow my truck without my permission. My truck is kept at her house as I don’t have enough car space for it all. The general agreement was that my mom was free to use my truck, as long as she took care of it. The family members that borrowed the truck were supposed to give it back in the first week of February, however that didn’t happen, and they are still actively using it. My mom needed a way to take my siblings to the doctors, and asked me to skip school to make it happen. I offered instead for her to just borrow my car and pick me up the next day, as I take academics very seriously and I don’t like missing school. She called me a ‘f***** up piece of s***’ and hung up on me. Because of this, I haven’t spoke with her this week as I feel like she could apologize for flipping out for no reason.On top of that, the fuel pump on my truck went out, so I have to get that fixed before anyone can use it. She flipped out when she heard the news.This morning, she called me and asked if I planned on coming over for my visit. I told her I already did, on Sunday. She said that it didn’t count and now wants me to hand over my trucks title because of the fuel pump issue. I told her no, and that I wasn’t coming today. She has since threatened to show up at my school/job if I don’t go there. I’ve since stopped responding. Should I just give her the title (it’s in my name, along with the registration)?EDIT: The reason for her trying to get the title is unclear, but I imagine it isn’t anything good because of the fact that she’s demanding I give it to her today or face consequences.EDIT 2: I currently have the truck. The relatives reached out to me to let me know about the fuel pump. I never gave my mother permission to lend the truck out for that long of a period, so I was irritated with her as well. She’s mad because they didn’t bring my truck to her. | AITA for refusing to see my mother today? | NTA |
10yuugc | I (17f) was chosen to be a bridesmaid to a family friend Hope (24f) wedding. I saw Hope as my big sister. She helped my family when our apartment flooded and she paid for a new homecoming dress because it was destroyed by the flood. Hope is nothing but kind and thoughtful. She is someone who would help anyone who needs it. Recently she got engaged and started planning her wedding. Her wedding colours are red and black. Since she recently told everyone that she's wearing a black dress. She wants her bridesmaids to wear red. So when we went to pick out bridesmaids dresses, her soon to be sister in law started complaining about her dress. She said "red isn't her colour" and how "well this dress doesn't flatter me". Even though Hope and the rest of the bridesmaids love the dress. Then Sil starts telling us how if it was her wedding, it wouldn't be that tacky and stupid. I just had enough and told her " It's not your day, it's Hope's day. You're not even paying for the dress and you're ruining everyone's fun because you are nothing but jealous that your little brother is getting married before you. Either shut up or change and leave ".Sil left and sent a text in the group chat on how I made her cry. She said that I was rude and had no reason to go off on her like that. Now Sil and some in-laws won't go to the wedding and Hope is beyond hurt. But am I an asshole? | AITA for telling a family friend's soon to be SIL off? | ESH |
10yuov3 | My wife and I are recent empty nesters. We decided to visit Orlando recently and invite our kids to come. We told them each they could bring one other person. We paid for lodging, food (If they ate with us), and transportation. Two of our 3 kids took us up on the offer.Our youngest son (19M) and his wife (20F) weren't sure if they would be able to come. We set a deadline of letting us know 4 weeks before the date, as we would have to fly them and plane tickets go up in price close to the date. They finally said they would go only 2.5 weeks before the date. I looked at the flights and picked ones that fit our budget and their schedule. I confirmed with them before I bought the tickets the times they would leave and return, they agreed. I didn't specifically give all of the flight details. The flight coming was a direct flight, the returning flight had a 60 minute layover. Both of them are new fliers.They were only able to stay with us for 3 days/ 2 nights of our week stay, which was fine. They work essentially graveyards, and worked right before and after the trip.To make a long story short, they spent all of one day at the parks with us, and mostly just slept. We would have been fine just having them stay with us while we were there, but they said before they wanted to go to the parks...I dropped them off at the airport 2 hours before their flight. An hour later their flight wasn't boarding yet and they had a tight layover at the next airport, and they freaked out. The delay cut their projected layover to 40 mins. I tried to help them as best I could, but their layover was getting short.About this time my son sent a very nasty text message to my wife, basically accusing me of being an AH for not booking a direct flight for them. They got on their flight.The flight was slow in the air, and my DIL called us from the back of the plane saying their next flight was boarding and they couldn't get off the plane and freaking out. My wife and I told them basically get your stuff together, get off the plane as quickly as you can and run to the next airplane, and you should be okay. They said they would call us when they got off the plane, we told them no (Forcefully), they needed to concentrate completely on making their flight. They made it, apparently had to beg to get on the flight (According to them), but they made their flight and made it home in the end on their original flight, with no word when they arrived.It is worth noting that they were scheduled to work right after getting home, which contributed to their anxiety. My wife and I likely would have helped them out if they asked nicely for help (With rent because they missed a day of work), we've helped them a number of times with such things.So AITA for not booking a direct flight for my kids who told us 1.5 weeks after our cutoff that they still wanted to come on a trip we paid for almost completely for them? | AITA for not booking a direct flight? | NTA |
10yopwm | We have a two week trip to Australia planned and my gfs single sister always comes along, I think it’s great but sometimes feels like threes a crowd and everything revolves around them getting to do lots of tours and excursions i might not be into and never really being ableto chill with my girl one on one…every meal is the three of us and it can be uncomfortable if we have a argument and she’s there for it…we’ve been fighting a lot about it and she thinks i’m a paranoid a$hole, but i think most men would have a issue with it…am i wrong? | AITA for not wanting gf’s sister on our trips? | NTA |
10yu7bl | My (F24) friend, let’s call her Liz(f23), invited me to her bridal shower set to take place later this year. We have been friends for ~5 years. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding. Problem is I haven’t talked to her since then. Her fiancé (m~30) was a guest at our wedding and was very inappropriate. He hit on another one of my bridesmaid, he was ripping his shirt while on the dance floor, etc. Liz and him ended up leaving around 8:30pm and went to another bar to get drunk! I made it clear that I expected my bridesmaids to stay until the end and help clean up and none had an issue with that. Now, over a year later, Liz invited me to her bridal shower. I do not want to go because this isn’t the first time her fiancé has acted like this. I would love to support my friend, but I think she’s making a huge mistake. Would I be the asshole for not going to bridal shower or wedding? | WIBTA if I didn’t go to my friends wedding? | NTA |
10yrypg | At the end of last year I was terribly ill from COVID and I couldn’t meet my friend for a while, she lives on the other side of England about 1.3h away. COVID knocked the wind out of me and I wasn’t too good until Jan. I called my friend and I spoke to her it’s now been over a year that we have properly spoke, I have been the one to text and it was me who planned the meet up the end of last year however I got I’ll as said above. I called her earlier this week and spoke to her and asked if she wanted to meet up. She was very much like everything is amazing going on and I’m so busy and I’ll let you know. She said she’s free in July this year for lunch. July, now this is something I was shocked about because I’ve never known someone to not be free but then I said to my friend I don’t feel like she values me as a friend. I was told TAH for thinking that and I’m entitled.EDIT: I said I didn’t feel like she valued me as a friend for meeting up and to meet up in July sounded like she doesn’t really want to meet me and made me feel like I’m not priority as a friend to meet sooner for an hour. We would also meet half way. | AITA for voicing my opinion to my friend? | NTA |
10yrtjj | First time poster, so please be forgiving. I've read lots of other posts, so I'm hoping for the wisdom of the crowd here.I am 50 living at home with wife and adult kids. My hearing is slowly starting to deteriorate. I've not had it tested, but I'd guess about 10-20% or so since where I used to have the volume on the TV on 2, I now have it on 3-4ish.Hearing aids would help, but I really don't want to get them until its absolutely necessary. This is for a variety of reasons, e.g vanity, inconvenience, and also I regularly get buildups of wax in my ears when using headphones.I've asked for accommodation, such as putting subtitles on the tv, but my family don't want this as it "takes them out of the movie". To be fair, they have never really liked foregin language/subtitled films for the same reason (although I have). When I ask them to speak up they tease me (kindly), and tell me I should get aids, and sometimes will speak louder, or sometimes not. But it can also be the cause of argument/frustration, the general direction of which is that their point of view is that I am the problem cos I wont get aids, whereas I think the problem could be solved with the accommodations above.I also sometimes have music/TV quite loud, but I try and do it behind closed doors, but when someone enters the room I get told all about them. Occasionally too, when I have the remote, I turn the TV up but they seem to think I am doing that on purpose to annoy them, and we go back to me being the problem because I wont get aids.AITA for refusing to get hearing aids if I don't think I need them yet? | AITA for refusing to get hearing aids if I don't think I need them yet? | YTA |
10yluus | My (26f) nephew(26m) is temporarily staying with me until him and his girlfriend figure out their situation.Background: she kicked him out because he is obnoxious and they just had a baby. So his antics were stressing her out.He drinks water and purposely makes the gulping noise. He makes his yawns unnecessarily loud. And he purposely has his phone volume up so everyone can hear the notification and typing. We All know he does this on purpose. He has been doing it since he was 13. He thinks it’s funny.I usually get home by 1 and don’t fall asleep til 3. I have insomnia, so I have trouble falling and staying asleep. He doesn’t have work until 11 am but wakes up at 5 to use the bathroom. For the past 3 days he has been waking me up to the sounds of his loud ass pissing. Like he pisses hard af and accompanies it with grunts and groans and slamming. The first time I let it slide.second time I told him he can’t be doing all that and how that wakes me up. He smiled and said he will keep it down. 3rd time he did stopped the grunting and groaning, but his stream still wakes me up. I told him he is going to have to sit and pee or start using the lobby bathroom.I’m thinking if I lock the bathroom door from 2-8 then he would have to respect my house and my sleep and stop being loud in the bathroom. | WIBTA if I locked the bathroom door | NTA |
10yr42l | Hi all this took place this morning,My husband and I live with family at the moment. A friend/neighbour of my grandma's came over this morning with a bunch of household documents that she wanted my grandma to keep for safekeeping. I mentioned to my grandma that I did not think she should get involved. Anyway, I mentioned to my husband that I don't think my grandma should get involved and he said well maybe the friend doesn't want the husband to get a hold of the documents. I replied *that may be true but I would be mad if you gave our shared household documents to your friend* \[without passing it by me\]. When saying this I just meant to draw a comparison about how I think my grandma shouldn't get involved in someone else's relationship. My husband got mad and said that I was comparing him and accusing him of doing the same, which I never did. I said it would be true for anyone else and it's not personal to him i.e. if my mum and I had shared documents and she gave them to someone else I would also be mad, similar if it was me and literally anybody else (friend, sibling, etc). He was still mad and made a comment (I can't remember what he said it wasn't super mean but it wasn't nice either), and his reasoning was that it's my fault he's upset because I said a bad thing to him.So I guess what I to know is AITA for saying I would be mad if he did the same, even though it was just in passing and hypothetical, I do not think he would do that I was just explaining why I think my grandma should not be getting involved? It's stressing me out that he twists what I say - or maybe I'm the one that needs to better communicate according to him? I think I may be TA because of how mad he is and he said I said bad things to him.Any response appreciated, thanks. | AITA for making a kind-of comparison between my husband and the neighbour's husband? | NTA |
10yqpls | Ok back story. This has been bothering me for a bit. I (40f) had a best friend (37f) for about 18 years. And are no longer talking because I made the comment we are not the same as a joke.Background: first let me say I believe in second chances. 4 years ago we had a trip planned to goTo Vegas and La for Billboard Music Awards and a few BTS concerts. 3 weeks prior to our trip I ended up in cardiac ICU. But I was adamant I was still going because this was a big trip and paid for. We went and I was a bit withdrawn ( being in icu messed me up really bad to where I have ptsd from it) on day 3 she freaked out and said she wanted to go home and be with her kids (she's done multiple trips without her kids, 2 cruises and a trip to Ireland the same year as our trip) im agoraphobic when I am alone. But I understood. I was going to be meeting friends in LA anyway. It was the night of the BBMAs so I had to get over my fear and go alone and I did and I made 2 new friends. In all honesty I think she lied about it and didn't want to meet up with my BTS friends because she didn't know them. One of our group chat friends (she's not in the gc) needed a ride from Vegas to la - mind you this girl was already staying with us in LA to begin with she was just able to get tickets to BBMAs last min. And I had no issues with her catching a ride with us since she was staying with us in LA already. My friend did. please understand my friend outside this friend group knew we were staying with and meeting up with my group of friends in LA since day 1 of planning this trip. I get home and she flips out of me and gaslights me into thinking it was my fault she went home because of how I "came off" on the trip and it wasn't she wanted to see her kids. I was a little withdrawn yes, 3 weeks out of cardiac icu and being so far from home I was anxious and popping Ativan to make it through the trip.So I stopped talking to her. It was not my fault she chose to leave and was not going to let her gaslight me into thinking I did something wrong. Fast forward to the start of the pandemic. I am immunocompromised so things were stressful for me and she texted me saying if I needed anything to let her know. And it started our friendship back up. We were texting one day and she sends me a pic of a $400 coach purse while I was looking at washi tape and I laughed and said "your looking at $400 purses and I'm buying washi tape we are not the same people" obviously a joke. She flipped out on me told me off, then blocked me on literally everything. Didn't give me a chance to apologize for hurting her feelings with the comment nothing.I don't think the joke was in bad taste at all but if I hurt her feelings I would have apologized. We've been friends for 18 years and she knows my sense of humor Was I the asshole for that joke? | AITA for saying "we are not the same people" | NTA |
10yvqa6 | Pretty self explantory. Our first desk employee consistly tells customers when an employee is out of the office, exactly why they're not it. Examples: surgery, covid, getting married, family issue, that kind of thing. She's been asked not to do that by other employees, but it doesn't sink in. I haven't really pressed the issue. I was the person that trained her when I got promoted. I made it clear this is a not ok. My boss has pretty much left me to handle issues with her me, unless it's something major. Well now I'm angry.I had to leave work early on Wednesday to pick my daughter up from school due to being sick (strep). One of my appointments couldn't be rescheduled for one of my coworkers agreed go get the pictures I needed, and I would email the customer the following day. We do this for each other when needed. I took care of this when I returned yesterday.I just got a response from my customer, and the first line of the email was how he was told I had left early because my child was sick to pick her up, and he hoped she felt better. I appreciate the sentiment, but that is not information ANY customer should have, for any reason. I'm angry that instead of telling the customer I had emergency, the front desk person gave specifics, AGAIN. AITA for being angry about this, or am I being ridiculous? | AITA for being angry that a coworker for giving customers personal information about employees? | NTA |
10yvowx | Iʼm the owner of a small restaurant. After having multiple bad experiences with children in the restaurant and having customers and my team complain about said kids, I decided to enforce an age restriction. Kids under the age of 12 arenʼt allowed to enter the restaurant anymore. This rule might sound too harsh, but it had to be done. Ever since I enforced the age restriction, my restaurant has attracted more customers and the atmosphere inside is way better. I still get a lot of backslash from angry parents, but most people in my area are surprisingly supportive. My brother lives in a different city and came to visit our parents with his wife and their 4 year old son. Today they wanted to eat at my restaurant and brought their child with them. They knew about the age restriction, but thought I would make an exception because theyʼre family. I explained them that I would not make an exception, because itʼs against my rules and it would be unfair to the other parents. They got mad, but eventually left after trying to argue. My brother told our parents and other siblings what happened and now everyone is sending me angry messages about it. At first I didnʼt think I was in the wrong, but all these messages are making me question it. Am I the asshole? | AITA for not letting my brother, his wife and their toddler into my age restricted restaurant? | NTA |
10yqgxj | I live in a decent neighborhood and pretty much keep to myself. New neighbors moved in behind me about a year ago and I talked to them maybe twice. Just introductions and quick small talk but I'm not one to just walk out and do the whole "Howdy neighbor!" thing.I work from home and saw they were having their roof redone, which can involve a lot of pounding, scraping, workers making noise, etc. They started at 7:00 am but I know the job has to get done, so it's no big deal. I have a 6 foot wooden privacy fence around my yard and noticed some of the old shingles were landing on my fence and in my yard. I saw a guy who looked like a foreman, so I ran downstairs and outside to ask if he was in charge, and he said he was. I very nicely said I saw shingles in my yard and asked if they would be cleaned up, and he said he would do it himself. I literally said, "I understand they have a job to do, but if they could toss things in the front or back instead of in my direction, it would be appreciated." I told him where the gate was since he said he would clean things up, and I did notice him a few times during the day going back to get things thrown in my yard.I didn't peer out my window all day because I didn't think I needed to keep tabs on anyone. When I got off work, the daylight was pretty low, and I don't normally peer out into my yard anyway. This morning, I let my dogs out and noticed right along the fence in my yard were torn up pieces of shingle bags that were tossed into my yard. I walked out, picked them up, and dropped them on the other side of the fence. It just felt disrespectful that I asked the foreman to have them throw their garbage in their own area which he agreed to tell them to do. But I still found more garbage this morning. Am I the asshole? | AITA for tossing garbage back into my neighbor's yard? | NTA |
10yl9c0 | For context:Last year my dad gave my mom custody of me when I thought it would be in my best interests to. A little over 3 months ago we moved to Japan, which is fine and all, if the following wasn’t happening:1. My mom is not in the best financial place because before this she brought us on a trip to Vegas to play Bingo2. My mom took me and my younger brother out of online school right before leaving and we haven’t been able to go to school since3. I am still under a (now extended) visitors visaBasically the online school made my mother mad, so she took me and brother out, haven’t put us in any other sort of school, and now we (my brother and I) are being “homeschooled” by her because she couldn’t get the SOFA status job she told us she’d get so me and my brother can go to school. By homeschool she only told us once to look up a topic without any guidance and left it at that.Now I’ve decided that I don’t want to stay here, because this isn’t really for me (plus I feel upset that I can’t understand anyone here no matter how hard I try)My mother is upset at this reasonably, but she said she may not feel as though this would be best for me to leave. How is it not though? Either way I will be forced to leave the country again in May. So I planned on recording a conversation where I bring out these very obvious points to her that she is fully aware of just in case she won’t allow me to go back. However I feel like that would break her trust, and be an invasion of privacy. (As you see, my mom herself is quite the manipulative asshole, as many people on both sides of my family don’t approve of many harmful things she’s done)[EDIT: Even though my mom does not work for the military, she believes she can get a sofa status job, and I’m not sure how that works. Also I have already had a trip to South Korea and back because my visa expired once, hence the extended visitors visa. Also I don’t know any Japanese, and neither does she. So that’s always fun]Would I be the Asshole? | WIBTA If I Were to Record a Conversation Between my Mom and I? | NTA |
10ypvre | Writing this on mobile and I also have dyslexia so sorry for that Me (f37) am mother to 5 kids 4 at home my oldest 20f works part time the past year or so she's been a nightmare to live with always being snappy rude and ungrateful by this I mean at 20 she earns about £250 pw each week I send her a text saying rent at expenses £70 then I inc discounts such as helped with the house did a school run and her biggest discount is if she baby sits when she dose this her 3 brothers 16 13 and 10 are already in bed bit I work it out each week so her balance to owe is 0 I don't up her cost if her bf is here and I also supply all his meals washing ect when he is So last night I made dinner served it and asked her to clean the kitchen afterwards I always havr a rule everyone rinses their own plates however I haven't had time to shower in days and her dad was rushing to gey to work as hr works night so we both left our plates on the table She left them there and cleaned rest when I said wtf why didn't u clean the table she was snappy and started moaning that I always say to rise own plates I got very annoyed at this and said that's fine I won't add any discounts to your bill this week I do you washing I do you cooking I stand and wash your trainers for u when u need it I scrub all your white work uniforms I dry them and I iorn them for u I dint ask u to buy shopping or anything at all yet you want to be petty about a cpl of plates so she said that's fine you can find a new baby sitter then To witch I said that's abosloutely fine as you can find somewhere else to live if your going to be so petty over 2 plates when abosloutely everything else is done for you in life maybe it's time you seen just how hard reap life is So yea aita in this or is she making a fool of me? | AITA am I wrong to ask my daughter to leave | NTA |
10yhvn5 | I (32M) have this friend (35F) for some years now and we used to hang a lot because since the pandemic we came back to our home town where not a lot of friends from the old days were here anymore or were married and distant and we found each other's company nice to go to bars and events we both like (nothing romantic in this relationship, just healthy friendship).Recently she had a baby from this toxic guy she dated on and off after many break ups and me telling her to just avoid him and not letting him get close to her anymore, since he always found a way to mend things and get back together. I know it's common, but I tried talking him bad even if I knew she would tell him everything I said. He didn't like me and I didn't like him back, but it's OK we had our group and would go out together without any conflicts.Classic pregnancy after last ultimate break up. She always wanted to be a mom and decided to embrace this new adventure. I asked her many times if that was really what she wanted knowing it would be a difficult relationship with the father of the upcoming child forcing him to hang around for the rest of her life. She claimed she could manage. Ok, fine.She doesn't have an easy personality. She has the "strong personality" and has pushed almost every friend and family apart, even her psycho mother who had to be moved out of my friend's house because she was making drama about her when the pregnant friend was needing help with pregnancy.After all the trouble and the toxic ex making her life a misery, the baby came and I was there the entire time, always showing up and helping her with whatever she needed. Now that the baby is 4 months old and she kinda have her life put together, I started ghosting her in a few weekends because she only wants to hang in her house (for obvious diaper and crying reasons) but she is always tired and complaining about the ex (that i tried to kick out of her life many times and now is being a toxic parent to her baby). I'm one of the three friends she has left, and probably the one who still go to her almost every week. But I'm kinda tired of going to her house where I will only talk to her about baby stuff, and listen to her complaints while a lot of friends are hanging out in bars and parties and keep inviting me to be with them.I feel like the AH for "abandoning" her in this time of need, but I feel like I've been 6 months of my life just helping this one friend after she completely ignored every advice of "don't go that way" while the other friends really wanna hang with me.We are good friends, but still I can't make my whole life about her and ignore my other friends all the time, and she keeps telling me to come over and help her cuz she's too tired or she needs to talk to someone because shes feeling depressed, but it's very energy consuming and now I'm feeling tired and my subconscious just keeps trying to get me away from her.What do you guys think? | AITA for "abandoning" a new mom friend? | NTA |
10yvqpg | A very close friend is about to get married, and as far as I know, they don't have a gift registry. I don't really know his soon to be wife as most of our time spent together is us going out, doing our favourite sport.I want to get him a stand for his compound miter saw. I know it's a fairly one-sided gift, but not completely. He does a lot of side jobs, building fences and that extra money that he makes goes towards their mortgage payments and general activities. I feel that in this way, it may be a gift that only he would use, but in the end, it would definitely benefit them both.So, WIBTA? | WIBTA if I gave a wedding gift geared towards one partner over the other? | NTA |
10yvnkc | I have been living the dorms for a few weeks and felt pretty miserable. I just did not like the living situation, though my roommates are fine. A friend who is living in an apartment told me she had a spare room in her apartment that I could use and I was ecstatic. However, after touring the place, it was still better than the dorms but not that much better. Despite this, I told her I would be moving in this sunday. A week later, I have now had a change of heart and believe I have made a very impulsive decision in telling her I want to move in. I was just being spoiled and lazy, and that the dorms are actually a fine place to live after doing some introspection. The thing is that she has been looking for someone to fill the room in for a while, so this is where I am conflicted.She is a friend I have known since pre-school, so I would assume it would be okay to tell her that I was just making an impulsive decision that would not have benefitted me that much. But am in the wrong here for doing this? | AITA for not moving into friend's apartment when I told her | NTA |
10yvl0j | For background, I (19m) have a fairly tense relationship with my parents. They are very religious and I came out to them when I was 16. They took it better than I thought, at first they were in denial but for the most part they've accepted 'the situation' as they call it.Over the Christmas break I came home from college and brought my boyfriend ('Jon'). They told us that we had to sleep in separate rooms. They explained it's not because we're gay but because they wouldn't let me sleep with a girl I wasn't married to in their home so they're not going to let me sleep with a boy either. We were fine with this and I gave Jon my room and I would take the couch in the basement.First night we arrived we stayed upstairs with my parents talking after dinner so they could get to know Jon a bit. My sister ('Amy' 15) had her friend 'Will' over and they went downstairs to play on the xbox. Amy has always been a bit of a tomboy, almost all of her friends are guys and we've know Will since they were in first grade.Things with my parents went really well, they actually seemed to like Jon and before we knew it, it was late. I showed Jon my room and then went down to the basement. I had thought Amy and Will weren't there as it was quiet and the lights were off. I turned the lights on to set up the couch and found Amy/Will making out on the couch. It was kind of an awkward moment but Amy quickly suggested Will go home and she'd talk to me. Once he left she begged me not to tell our parents as they would never let her be alone with him again. We talked for a bit and I agreed but told her that she should tell them because they would eventually figure it out.I didn't give the situation much thought until earlier this week when my mom called me. Somehow they figured out Amy and Will have been dating for a while now. I don't have any details because they've taken Amy's phone away as a punishment for lying to them.They clearly had some kind of fight and Amy must have something about me knowing because my mom was angry/hurt that I didn't tell them. She said a bunch of stuff around how welcoming they were to Jon, how they've changed since I came out, etc. and the least I could have done was to let them know about Amy/Will. I tried to explain I told Amy she should tell them and that I didn't feel it was my place. My mom just kept on going on about how I betrayed their trust and I should have been looking out for Amy so they could keep her safe.I've tried calling / texting my mom a few times a day since then but she's giving me the silent treatment and my dad is too.I don't think I did anything wrong but my mom seems really mad at me and she's never ignored me like this. So I'm kind of wondering, AITA? | AITA for not telling my parents my sister has a boyfriend? | NTA |
10ynk2y | Me (25F) and my bf (30M) have been in a relationship for several years and living together. We have a very nice relationship and we love each other very much.A couple of days ago it was my birthday, which was a regular day at the office. Fast forward to the evening, I get home and my bf was waiting for me with champagne, a cake, flowers. I was pleasantly surprised, because he rarely ever thinks about such complicated things; Of course, we both spent a bit of time talking to my relatives, his mother, my grandmother and friends on the cellphone, wishing me happy birthday. During all these conversations, all I was hoping for was to sit down and have a glass of champagne and enjoy some quality time together.By the time I was done with my conversations ( I am not the kind of person that knows how to end a conversation), my partner was bored, “watching tv” and browsing on his laptop/phone. This is a major problem in our relationship, **because he is constantly on his phone and laptop**; he says I am unreasonable to ask for attention and time when we are living together for so long. He usually tells me I am needy, but out of the few hours we are actually at home **he spends 90% of it on his phone.**I kindly told him that would be nice to have some time together, without phones for a brief period. Thats when hell broke loose, he started telling me that I am entitled, that he is doing “something for work” (which was just researching some things to buy, def something that did not appear urgent and could have waited 1 hour), that I am always needy and attention-seeker and that just because it is my birthday doesn’t mean that he needs to give me all his attention. Is not all about me.I’m always putting others first, including himself, I feel he never does that in return and whenever I ask a basic thing like putting the phones aside for a couple of minutes, he gets so triggered and the situation escalates quickly into a fight.**I ended up drinking the champagne alone and crying myself to sleep**, while he was on his phone in the bedroom. He never tried to make it right, he never tried to mend the situation or make up in anyway, apologise for anything. I never felt so shitty on a birthday.Am I asking for too much? Is it something so out of place, to want some undistracted time from my partner **on my birthday**? I know i would do the same for him, easily. This has been the most horrible birthday ever… and he insists that he did everything right (buying cake, champagne, flowers), but I am spoiled and crazy and always want more.Am I in the wrong? I genuinely want to know your opinion. | AITA for asking my bf to spend less time on his phone on my birthday and a bit of time with me? | NTA |
10yvfm2 | So basically Me and my mom have had a few fights because of my “behaviour” (my mom is the type of person that completely snaps when she hears me or my sister calling eachother dumb and thinks it’s a very bad insult) and I’m sick of it honestly since I don’t view what I’m doing as horrible and disrespectful.I’ve also gotten into the gym the last month and a half and I Love it.(I’m not in good shape and I want to better myself) But all of a sudden to find a way to annoy me instead of taking my phone or whatever she doesn’t allow me to go to the gym.Am I the only one who thinks this is completely and utterly stupid way of punishing someone??Im thinking of going anyways and ignoring her but I need to know if it’s a good idea or if I’m the a hole in this situation | AITAH for wanting to go to the gym? | NTA |
10yfxng | My partner is currently out of town. He’s been complaining of some non descriptive symptoms and, as I’m in healthcare, he asked me my thoughts. I gave him my advice. Later that day he texted me saying “can we fix me?…” He has a history of not wanting to take any responsibility for his health. I literally have to put his allergy medications in his hand every night because he says he “can’t ever remember”. I know that by “we” he means “me” and, quite frankly, I don’t want that responsibility. I don’t have time to make his doctors appointments, call the offices, check his medications, do research when he feels the doctors aren’t listening to him or when he thinks they’re wrong or just trying to make a buck off him. I responded back “YOU can. I think that’s a great idea!”His response was, “you really don’t want to be on a team with me do you?” to which I responded that I don’t want to be responsible for another adult (I work four jobs, I have two kids one of which will be starting college next year, my mother with dementia lives with me and I take care of her). I told him being on a team, to me, meant that I don’t have to take care of him, that as an adult he could take care of himself. I suggested that it’s not that I don’t want to be on a team with him, but rather, we have different definitions of what a team is. His response was to try to tell me how he “doesn’t understand” the medical profession, how he gets angry with the system, he doesn’t know what questions to ask, among other things. He then texted me things he says he does for me and how I’m just increasing the distance between us, how he’s so willing to sacrifice for me and I don’t do the same. I am struggling lately with perspective on our interactions and, since I read this sub all the time, decided to start posting when he insinuates or straight up calls me an asshole (I get that a lot).AITA for not wanting to be responsible for my partners healthcare? | AITA for wanting my partner to be responsible for their healthcare | NTA |
10yt6hy | ThrowawayThis is in the context of buying farm animals but you don't need to know anything about farms for this story.I bought some animals that were sold as fit and healthy but I had 3 die within hours of getting them home plus others that are still sick. This was about a week ago. They had a disease that is linked to not getting the right start straight after birth, e.g. dirty conditions and not enough milk. This is further proved by the fact one has a joint infection that has similar causes. It was not a stressful or long journey. It was a cash in hand type job and I told the guy I bought them off about it and he basically said "shame about that have fun".Obviously animals get sick I'm not disputing that at all but I believe it was a known issue of the seller. This has quite a financial impact, should I push for a refund? The animals were expensive for what they were anyways, and they've had plenty of medications to try and save the situation.WIBTA for pushing this guy to refund me my money on the animals that died? | WIBTA for pushing for a refund on sick animals? | NTA |
10yo4cf | About a year ago I had to cut off most of my hair. I liked dying my hair crazy colors, and one day I chose one that would be hard to do at home, so I decided a salon would be the best way to go. My mother recommended someone and I went to the salon. The salon butchered my hair, leaving bleach in too long and cutting my hair very short. In the end, I was refused any of the colors I would have wanted for the salon person deciding to dye my hair back to my natural color, wasting a ton of work. She was so reckless with my hair that it started breaking off. I decided that I would rather have a pixie cut than drastically uneven and fragile hair, so I cut off all of my hair. This was about a year ago, my hair has grown back to about my shoulders when straightened since then (I have curly hair). I do musical productions, and recently I had to perform “The Lion King”. The requirement was that if your hair was long then it would be put in a bun. My hair was too short for a bun, but too long for me to leave it down. I decided to just do a low ponytail, and even that had trouble holding most of my hair. The stage manager was really mad with this, saying how it should be in a bun. She was even mad that I had bangs because it would interfere with the makeup I had. She said that I should have come in a bun, and me being the people pleaser I am, didn’t argue. I went in a bun, but most of my hair fell out on stage because my hair was too short. Am I wrong for not having long enough hair for the bun? | AITA for having my hair be “too short”? | NTA |
10yqboe | I had a project like community theater but we only did the lines like an audiodrama, none was getting anything from it, everyone's in the project 'cause they wanted to. They could quit anytime, just had to tell me.An actor quit. A guy from the project recommended me an actor who's in his projects to replace. His projects are great so I thought the actor's responsible.He accepted. I sent him a script (it'd be less than 1min of audio), days later he sent the audio. Soon he'd have more lines. Sent him a script, 1 month to the deadline (the same for everyone), I waited and he didn't send me anything, he said he's still recording, so I gave him 1 more month. He's the only one left to finish the project, I told him once everyone had recorded.After this other month he still hadn't send the audio, he's ignoring me, I saw him online and sent him "how's it going?" then he got offline, the same for weeks, even the guy who recommended him couldn't talk to him.Then one day he sent me like 20% of the script, some lines wrong and it's just 20% so I couldn't use it. I told him to record the wrong lines and that I needed the rest. He never sent me any more audios, I gave him more time, he never followed the deadlines. Everyone from the project's waiting the release and I couldn't 'cause I didn't have his lines. 3 months after I gave the 1st deadline I decided that I'd to fire him, even after the 20% he'd sent, he's still ignoring me, he didn't even say why he's late. I felt it's unfair to everyone who had followed the deadline.The guy who recommended him was famous, if I fired his actor everyone'd hate me, but if I didn't everyone'd hate me 'cause my project wouldn't release. I talked to other people to know what I should do, they said they'd have fired him already.But I hate conflict, I try to give more chances until there isn't any other option, but it's stressful not being able to talk to him and the project depending on me firing him or not. So I told him I'd have to replace him with someone else, this time he answered, asking if I'd use the 20%, I said I couldn't 'cause some lines were wrong and I couldn't change the voice again in the middle of the project.He got mad and posted the 20% with a text saying he's sad that I'd fired him. To everyone who saw the post it looked like he'd recorded 100% and I just suddenly fired him. I was told he's telling his fans that I'm a dictator. Am I a bad person 'cause I fired him? "maybe if I paid him" but everyone including him were part of other volunteering projects, none ever expected to get money from it, I'd been in other projects and it's what's normal for us.Maybe I should've given him more time, but I think it's unfair to the other actors, I think if someone was part of a community theater and missed 3 months of rehearsal they'd get fired. I had a deadline to post the project and since he's missing his I missed mine.Later I was told that he was ignoring me 'cause he's playing videogame. | AITA for "firing" someone from a volunteering project? | NTA |
10ywl93 | My wife and I have been married for a while and every since we got married, she tends to ask me a, “Guess what!”, question whenever something crazy or funny happens. I have always been very literal and grew up with my dad who was a lawyer and mother who worked in the engineering field, so I have always been held to a high standard when communicating with people. That is not super relevant, but what is relevant is that whenever I was asked a question I was expected to reply with an answer that was well thought out or my best guess if I did not know the exact answer.Fast forward to me now, I am happily married and although we have our fights, I am secure and happy in our relationship and my wife has communicated to me that she feels the same. But every time she has asked me a guess what! question, I think through where she is, what she had planned for the day and what we are planning on doing later and respond with a guess, and unfortunately, I am usually spot on, or very close, in my guesses and it makes her upset. She showed me several articles online about how to respond to someone when they ask you, guess what!, and it is usually to say, what?, and get excited. I like guessing though, and enjoy thinking through the problem and getting the thing she is talking about without her having to tell me out right. She says that I’m the AH for this, but I want to see what you guys think, am I the ah? | AITA for always guessing when my wife asks me to guess? | YTA |
10yy5rp | I'm one of the few but growing number of single men who foregone marriage and became a dad on my own. In my case, I used a surrogate three times so I have three boys between the ages of 5 and 10.When they started school and started to make friends, I did tell a few parents because they wanted to know more about me before letting their kids spend time with my kids. Most were intrigued for a few minutes. That went away once they realized how normal we are.I'm neither an advocate nor opponent of single parent surrogacy. I did what worked for me. I also don't promote it the same way people promote their personal lives for clout. In fact, I haven't told anybody about it in years.That brings me to my son's 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. F. I got a random call from a reporter asking to interview me for a magazine piece on men resorting to surrogacy to have kids. I thought it was a joke but he had all sorts of information including the names of my kids and what I did for work.I asked how he got my information and be said from Mrs F who is a friend of his. In fact, she gave him my number. I was passed.The next day, I told Mrs F about the call and she said it would be so exciting to be in a magazine and online. I asked why the fuck did she put my personal life out there. That's a total betrayal. She said she didn't know I'd be that upset and simply thought that I'd be open to it. I told her that I didn't tell her my business let alone give her permission to spread. She didn't say anything so I called her a fucking moron who needs to grow the fuck up.She probably thought I'd complain to the principal but that's not my style. I will tell you stuff to your face. Now the VP principal is acting like an intermediary between us after she said I cussed her out. He did say that I was out of line but she was even more way put of line. He asked me to be understanding because she's young and lives online. I told him that he's just mad that he actually has to do some work now and the funny part is that I'm not even mad at her anymore. I don't like her but its not like she matters in a few months. | AITA for cussing at a teacher after she gave my information to a reporter? | NTA |
10yye9e | Me (43M) and my wife (40F), were in need of hiring a driver to take my daughters (twins 13F) around on specific trips that are typically always at the same times for school and their extra curricular. This would be using our own car which is quite an expensive luxury car and the driver is quite well paid for what the job is.My niece (26F) heard about the position and really wanted the job. My wife and daughters loved the idea but I was not so sure. My niece is not a professional driver, and she has a full time wfh job, but lives next to us and said the schedule worked for her as her work is flexible as long as she does her job. My niece is a well educated woman and makes a lot of money already. She knew the salary I would be paying but said she would not mind doing it for less as she loves my daughters (she lives alone and has no partner or kids). She has a car of her own but I wanted the driver to use our car.I was not keen on the idea as my car is expensive and I wanted to hire an older driver with more driving experience. I insisted and hired someone else who is an older man in his late 60s and a retired taxi driver.My niece has been giving me the cold shoulder since and my daughters are also upset with me. My wife did want to hire my niece but accepted my decision now which I am glad about since she contributed a lot towards buying this car.The thing is, my niece used to babysit our kids a lot when they were younger for as as she lived near us and still does things for our kids sometimes and now I feel like it might be hard to ask her for any favors again. But at the same time I had to assess who I wanted to hire and feel like nepotism hires are wrong.EDIT: I guess I have some reconsidering to do. The taxi driver seemed appealing as some of these events have other people going to them who have chauffeurs, not that I agree that appearance should matter but I thought it would be nice to have someone who dressed like a chauffeur. We gave him a trial period so we do have room to reconsider. I would pay my niece the same amount if she took the job. But my main line of thinking was that she already had a job so he could use the money more as he is a retiree and a little more money would not really change her life. | AITA for not hiring my niece to drive my daughters around despite my wife and daughters wanting that. | YTA |
10yw62r | Me and my partner have been together over a decade. We met in college and been thick as theives ever since. We had discussed that marriage was not super important to us, as our partnership was fulfilling. I honestly think we were just bored and decided "why not?"Cut to 2022, and we are planning a wedding. I have terrible stage fright and I hate being the center of attention on anything. I just prefer to be apart of it, not THE part of it. Partner could care less. So a small wedding was in the books. But I have a ton of siblings, who have kids, and he has a ton of family woth kids, and we both have remarried parents. Our small wedding was still going to be about 50 people. We were paying for it ourselves.My mom can be extremely difficult and mean. So I had to choose a venue instead of having it at a family's house to keep drama out of the situation. That'd the cost go up as well.After a stressful couple of months of planning, my partner notices and says that this isn't how it's supposed to feel: getting married is a celebration of our love, and shouldn't depend on what family thinks. So we agreed we were going to just elope to France, backpack a few weeks, and use the money we would have spent on the wedding (our money).Most of the family was really happy for us. They insisted on gifting us some spending money, even after we said we didn't need it, and that it wasn't fair because they weren't invited. They gave us some anyways. We had a great time! A blast, really. We back packed through countries, slept in hostels, rode the train. Got presents for everyone. I had a blog so they could keep track of us, even.But now, a few months later, my mom mentions that I "pissed off a lot of people" by eloping. That I made the family feel excluded. I know she is being mean, and is most likely jealous I got to have this adventure. But I am second guessing myself. I know it's "our life" but I don't want to be seen as selfish or ungrateful for what they've given us. I kind of wish I'd not taken the money now, as I feel like I couldn't repay them with an experience. And if I am being an ass hole, how can fix it? | AITA for eloping instead of having a wedding? | NTA |
10yyrjl | I’m a first time mom with a six week old son. I’m lucky to have a good supply to be able to feed him exclusively through breastfeeding.I have a shawl to cover up when I feed in public. But at home, it’s boobs out which is of course a relief because it’s much easier to manage and see and bond with our little guy / reposition him when he needs it. My husband will move the blinds behind me closed when I’m sitting on our couch breastfeeding. Behind our living room is our backyard (which is shallow) and we have houses on any one side of us. There is a two story house directly behind our yard and theoretically, if they tried, they could see through our window shutters into our living room. Though the couch is backed to the wall, so they’d be staring at my back when I’m sat on it.My husband closes the blinds when I feed our son and this morning I called it a bit prudish of him. He said that it’s doing him a disservice to call it prudish, and he acknowledges it may come from a primitive, perhaps less logical place - but that he’s trying to protect me from potential lurking perverts. His brother and his brother’s friend when growing up would sneak around to a neighbor’s to get a view of her showering, and this was brought up as an example of how male behavior can be problematic and it’s something that needs to be safeguarded against.Honestly it wears on me when he does this and makes me feel like I have something to be ashamed of every time he swipes the shutters down. He was also alarmed when I accidentally flashed him for a second while positioning my nursing cover at a restaurant. Yes, if someone walked by at the perfect time and decided to look at me in that moment they would have gotten a glimpse, but we were at a corner table facing a ledge and I’m of the mind that people are generally decent and personally, nursing every few hours is hard enough without feeling the need to be paranoid about who might be trying to cop a look. And I’m generally careful as I’m a shy / pretty modest person myself. Back to the blinds, I told him that the slim possibility that there’s someone lurking when I’m in my own home isn’t a worthwhile trade off for feeling like I should be embarrassed. said I should have authority over my body. He disagreed that I should have jurisdiction over the blinds staying up.AITA here? | AITA for wanting my husband to stop pulling the blinds while I’m breastfeeding in our living room | NTA |
10ywb7r | Our 11-year-old daughter "Nikki" is a speedy eater. It's not any kind of eating disorder, she's just always eager to finish her meal and get back to whatever it is she was doing or wants to do. When my wife cooks, she'll linger in the kitchen waiting for food to be finished cooking, take her plate and finish before everyone has sat down. There are times she'll be getting seconds before anyone else has been able to get their first plate which has led to instances of there not being enough for everyone.When I cook, I plate everyone's food at once so she sits with the rest of the family and starts eating with the rest of us. There are a few reasons I'm trying to nip this: Reduce risk of choking and upset stomach (she's had a few tummyaches over it), ensuring everyone gets some the times ingredients aren't plentiful, and etiquette- I want her to be able to share with others when she's older at parties and the like. We went to my sister-in-law's house for dinner. We got there early and dinner was already cooked. There wasn't a plan for everyone to sit and eat together and sis-in-law invited us to get our plates. Nikki got hers and before those already there had all gotten a plate, she was already going back for more. I took her plate and told her she had to wait to get seconds so we could make sure everyone got some. My sis-in-law butt in that I shouldn't tell her to not get more food because it'll come off as shaming her for how much she eats. I asked her to please not interfere because I wasn't telling Nikki she couldn't have more, only that she has to wait for everyone else to arrive and get theirs first. Waiting thirty minutes wouldn't be the end of the world. Nikki sat pouting at the table and when everyone had arrived and starting serving themselves, she asked me if she could finally eat. That got me a lot of stares from some of my wife's family who told me I should've just let her eat. My wife stayed out of it while we were there but once we got home said she agreed that I was wrong to tell our daughter to wait because that's just how Nikki is. | AITA for making my daughter wait to get more food? | NTA |
10yxoch | My husband (43m) and I (37f) were the last in our friends circle to have kids. Most of them got started in their late teens or early 20s. They knew we wanted kids but infertility sucks. Since my husband and I had less responsibilities than they did, for over fifteen years we'd drive 8+ hours to see them. When we got pregnant unexpectedly (without trying!) two years ago, we called and told them that because I'm high risk after so many miscarriages we won't be traveling during my pregnancy; however we have a Large house with 3-4 guest rooms so they were welcome to come visit us and they'd have a free place to stay plus we'd cover the cost of food and outings. No one came to visit or see us through the entire pregnancy or after our baby almost died at birth. (Baby has recovered well, and is a very happy almost two year old.) Our friends call occasionally and have pestered us to visit but 8+ hours with a toddler is a long trip. Lightning has struck twice and I am, once more, unexpectedly pregnant! We've announced it to our friends, and they are asking when we can come visit with our first child so they can meet her before the next baby arrives. This is where I might be the AH. My husband started planning a trip but I told him no, our child and I won't go 8+ hours away for anyone. He's welcome to go, but I won't attend and our child won't. For starters, I am still high risk with this pregnancy and my doctor won't approve me for travel. I don't like the idea of our child going so far to appease a group of people who won't consider visiting. Additionally our child hates traveling and it would be difficult for one parent to take her anywhere; it usually takes both of us to keep her relatively calm. And while our friends and family are also parents, most of them have children in their upper teens or twenties who are less dependent on them. (This is by their own confession.)I've also told my husband I find it selfish that the family and friends in question have traveled to near where we live but have made no effort to stop by or even tell us that they're close until after the trip is done. My husband is a bit frustrated with me, but I told him we put everyone else first for over fifteen years and I think it's time to be selfish. Pregnancy hormones make me a bit testy so AITA? | AITA for refusing to travel? | NTA |
10yynct | A girl in our office is pregnant and we decided as a group to get her a very good quality stroller. It was going to cost about $1,400. We aren't all rich or anything. Our boss, who is a pretty decent guy all around, put in $1,000 of it. As his assistant I agreed to take care of collecting the money and making the purchase. The rest of us were each going to put in about $75 each. Two days before her baby shower/maternity leave party two people hadn't paid in yet. So I asked if they were going to contribute. They said they would transfer the money right away. They didn't. So I left their names off the card. They came up to me afterwards and they were pissed that I embarrassed them by not putting their names on the card and making them look bad to our boss and the girl going on leave. I asked them if they had sent me money for the gift. They admitted that they had not. But they said that it was unfair to expect them to contribute to a gift that the boss mostly paid for. I told them I could make an appointment for them to talk to our boss. They declined. It has been over a week but they are still upset that I made them look bad. Before anyone asks I will provide some information. $75 is not a lot of money in our office. We had all agreed to contribute to the gift. We have all done it in the past for other gifts. For example one of the guys who did not contribute recieved a comparable gift for his wedding even though none of us were invited. It was a destination wedding. No one was forced to participate. They could have said up front they didn't want to contribute. I kept their names off the card because they didn't pay in. It wasn't meant to make them look bad. It was to let the girl know who got her the gift. There was a seperate card we all signed, including the guys who didn't pitch in.EDITI paid the difference out of the budget I have for random office stuff. My boss didn't even question it. | AITA for only including the names of people who contributed for a gift? | NTA |
10yxhzc | I (F20s) have neighbors that don’t watch their kids. They have 3 boys that are 10, 6, and 4; those kids are outside ALL day every day, regardless of the weather. That itself maybe wouldn’t be so alarming, but even now in the winter (I live in Northeastern US), they’re never bundled up and I don’t think they even go inside for lunch. They’ve personally told me that their mom kicks them out of the house every morning for “alone time”. Those kids aren’t supervised at ALL.They also have mild behavior issues past dumb kid stuff like ding dong ditching; they use other people’s basketball hoops w/o asking and have scratched cars, throw rocks at cars, and refuse to get out of the street when cars pass + start cussing at people. The last time they ding dong ditched, my neighbor, who is a teacher with a young baby, gently told them to stop because they were waking up her baby. They responded by knocking over her trash cans. When confronted, they hide in the bushes and come out to do it all again if they don’t start cussing at you. My teacher neighbor went to their house to talk to their mom about safety and behavior concerns for the kids and the mom slammed the door in her face almost immediately.Do we have a right to be concerned about the kids never being watched or are we overstepping?Edit: Thank you everyone, I will be contacting CPS today. | WIBTA for calling social services on my neighbors? | NTA |
10yyv1i | My ex (38M) and I (38F) have two sons (15, 12). Ex lives out of state. We signed a new custody agreement last month due to the kids’ school schedules and both kids requesting less time with dad. The new custody agreement would significantly increase support since the kids will be with me quite a bit more. My ex wants me to agree to a reduction from what the state calculation would be due to the financial strain it would cause his family. He just bought a new house and fears he won’t be able to afford the mortgage. For context, here’s a bit about our family lives. Me: My boyfriend and I both work full-time to support our family. We live in a cute little house outside a major city (love my house). The kids attend a private school that is better suited to their neurodivergence and learning disabilities than public school would be. I pay for this entirely (at an income-based reduced tuition rate), with no contribution from my ex. We’re a one-car family because we can’t pay tuition and for two cars. We haven’t had a vacation in 3 years. My ex: He and his wife have 5 kids (his 2, her 2, their 1). They live on one income. They have two vehicles and a newly built 5 bedroom home. They took their family of 7 on a 2 week vacation to Disney and Universal this summer. WIBTA for not reducing child support for him? | WIBTA for not factoring in my ex’s financial hardship into our child support agreement | NTA |
10yx576 | My husband and I have always had an open-door policy with phones. We have always said that there shouldn’t be secrets between us. We have been married 14 years. The past year has been rocky. We have been semi-separated since September. I say semi because we have been actively trying to be together, he has spent many of those days in our home in my bed, and we have been doing couples counseling together. I have noticed that he has become increasingly possessive over his phone. It’s never out of his sight, and he grips it strongly in his hands when showing me something. This has been really driving a suspicion up in me. The other night he fell asleep hard, and I took his phone and looked in it. What I found was nothing short of devastating. He was having multiple emotional affairs with young (20ish) asian women. They all seem to probably be scammers and he has been sending them a lot of money. He has been talking to them for months, sending them photos of himself, and of our daughter. We have always been on the poor side, so it’s really upsetting to me that he has taken what little he makes and given it to what he believes are pretty girls on the Internet. When I confronted him about it, he called me the asshole. He said that I had no business looking at his phone and the only reason I would is because I “want to find things to be unhappy about”. That if I would have just minded my own business, I would have nothing to feel so upset about. That I am only seeking reasons for us not to reconcile. So am I wrong? Am I the asshole or is he? | AITA for snooping in my husbands phone? | NTA |
10yw71c | I’m 21(F) and he is (23M) and we just started dating very recently. I asked him if he would like to go to one of my college balls with me which is next Thursday. Tickets cost €65 and that includes a 3 course meal. He is very happy to go and pay the money and everything seems all fine. But one of my friends told me that if I invite someone, it appears better for the person who made the offer to pay for both of us and then I realised that that made a lot of sense. She also said to make sure that I made it very clear that he is paying which I did make it clear to him. I feel really bad now because I didn’t realise that I should pay for both of us but it also makes a lot of sense. I am willing to offer to pay for both of us now because I feel bad even though I am very broke right now and I would be spending my Christmas money to make this payment. At the same time, I am willing to do it because it’s the right thing to do. I am so sorry and I am willing to make things right if need be. So reddit, AITA for not realising that social etiquette requires the person who made the invitation to pay for both? | AITA for not realising that I should pay for my dates ball ticket and made it clear that I would pay for mine and he would pay for his? | NTA |
10yz70u | So yesterday my daughter flushed down her hamster down the toilet. When I asked her where her hamster went she told me she didn't know, we searched for the hamster for about an hour and then she started crying and admitted she flushed him down the toilet. She put perfume in his cage because it smelled and I think it died because of the perfume. When she saw him in his cage, not moving and obviously very dead, she didn't know what to do and flushed him down the toilet. She also told me something about him being exploded and stuff but idk about that.So after I found out about this I obviously got very mad, she didn't tell me about the dead hamster and made me search for about an hour. And who would think that flushing their hamster down the toilet could possibly be a good idea??? I understand that she's a child but how could that idea even pop up in her head?Aita for scolding her? She should know that she should be more responsible. After that she told me she hates me and she has been ignoring me ever since | AITA for scolding me daughter after she flushed her hamster down the toilet? | NTA |
10yvy6e | A few kids from me (16M) and my adoptive brother’s (18M) friend group have recently started a new game. Basically someone would sneak up on someone else and whack them in the middle of the back before someone catches them. And it’s not a love tap but one of those full armed smacks that is definitely gonna hurt the next day. I have warned the main few people that participate in the whacking that I was not okay with them doing it to me and they agreed not to. Until recently.A few of us were hanging out after practice yesterday when one of the whackers, DB, decided to whack me. Most of our friends, like DB, don’t know but I was in the foster system from the age 2 to 13 and was diagnosed with mild PTSD from that. So I was whacked right into a panic attack. I don’t really remember what happened but was told my brother was absolutely furious and ended up chewing everyone out before dragging me to the car and driving me home. Now, since a few of our friends are seniors, 10 of us were planning a road trip during spring break. After the incident though, my brother told my parents that he wasn’t sure he wanted to go anymore, especially if I was uncomfortable. I said that it was fine since I know that if we don’t go there will probably be no trip at all. Our family is the only one whose car could fit everyone and if we didn’t go my brother’s best friend, whose parents agreed to pay for hotel rooms for everyone, would probably also not go. I didn’t wanna ruin the trip for everyone just because of my trauma shit.That was before today, though. My closest friend (he wasn’t there when DB whacked me) showed me that one of our friends posted the smack and subsequent meltdown on their private story. With the caption “bro get up you’re 16 not 6 💀”I don’t wanna go anymore, I really really don’t. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. WIBTA for not going? | WIBTA for cancelling spring break plans? | NTA |
10yxcv9 | My coworkers James (36M) Chad (40M) Kyle (32M) and I (29M) get together every Saturday night to drink and play boardgames. We meet after 8pm since 3 of the 4 of us have young kids that need to be put down and we typically play until midnight or 1am. We exclusively play four player games that can be played with three but work better with four. A few months ago Chad (single no kids) started inviting his niece Amy (13F) to join. Initially all three of us were really uncomfortable with it but the other two have since softened and seem fine with her joining especially if it is a night where we only have three players and she would be the fourth player. I can tell she thinks its cool to have older friends and will often try to broach more adult topics like alcohol. I am still really uncomfortable hanging out with a child and after a long week of caring for my 2 year old son I like to relax and not have to worry about setting a good example for anyone impressionable ignoring the fact I have nothing in common with someone half my age. I've communicated this to him frequently but he continues to ask if he can invite her. AITA? | AITA for wanting to exclude my friends 13yr old relative | NTA |
10yxb5o | I (45M) cannot stand it when I have to listen to other people’s phones. I don’t want to hear some random screaming anime themed thing going on with no context when I’m relaxing in my home…or truthfully in any situation at all. I think it’s super rude. My wife (30F) does not get this. She is addicted to socials. I respectfully ask her not to play stuff out loud in my presence. I have purchased her several sets of Bluetooth headphones over the years and we have tons of wired ones kicking around too. I will ask her not to play her socials out loud and tell her how it makes me feel…she will stop for a while…then a few days later, play it at a barely audible volume…then the volume creeps up…then a week later she’s doing it again.Got stern last night and told her unequivocally that I can’t stand it and to please stop. Brought her headphones. She stormed into the bedroom, slammed the door and we aren’t talking this am. I sometimes enjoy scrolling. I laugh at content. I just don’t want to hear yours out loud. I don’t subject others to it and I expect the same…Because of her protests, I only game once a week and use headphones when I do it. AITA??? | AITA for putting my foot down about my partner listening to Insta and TikTok out loud on her phone in my presence? | NTA |
10ywk99 | I (25f) received a car from my grandfather and my father for my birthday. My grandfather owns several car lots and regularly provides cars for family members who need them.His business partner near me found the car, bought it at auction, (supposedly) fixed it up, and filled out the paperwork for the title (or so I thought). The day I picked the car up it threw a check engine light as I was pulling into my driveway. It gave me a bad transmission code, and the solution was to either fork over $975 to a mechanic or spend the afternoon pulling out and replacing a part- I should mention I have NO mechanical experience, but I’m not stupid and I had plenty of guidance from different Reddit threads and YouTube videos. Now, the title I received in the mail was a salvaged title, and in my state you cannot register a salvaged title. So in order to get it retitled it’s gotta pass a DEQ test, and only then can I apply for a rebuilt title and THEN register the vehicle. But I cannot pass DEQ with the check engine light, so that had to be fixed first, and now, upon replacing the necessary parts, it will no longer shift out of park. I recently started working again after a bad mental health period. I am the breadwinner, and my salary is decent. But if I cannot get to work I cannot make money to suddenly pay for these added unexpected expenses…expenses for a car I never in a million years would’ve EVER picked. It’s ugly, it’s notoriously a garbage car, and repairs are costly. My father jumped down my throat when I asked if I could trade it for something else or sell it and buy something more reliable. called me ungrateful, that what’s $900 spent on a “perfect, brand new car”? (The car is a 2009, with 85k miles on it.) I’m feeling really discouraged and I’m not sure what to do. The car is currently sitting in my driveway and at this point I just want this headache gone. AITA?Edits: my grandfather lives several states away and is suffering from Mid Stage Alzheimer’s. He and I don’t really have a relationship but he respects my “work ethic” (according to my father, who is his golden child.) It’s a 2009 Chevy HHR, salvage title.My father and his father are both very rough hostile men, talking to them is always nerve wracking and anxiety inducing.I’m worried this is somehow going to be turned around and blamed on me.I also didn’t ask for a hand out- my partner was fine to drive me to and from work as we live together, but I work early and long hours and my dad felt bad. Once there was talk of a car I assumed I would be buying it myself and making payments, so I assumed I would be buying something that ran. The back windshield is also not sealed properly, and, as I live in one of the rainiest states in the country, the water getting into the car is what caused the battery corrosion. The power windows in the back and my mirrors in the front also do not work properly. | AITA for thinking about selling a car I received as a gift? | NTA |
10yzblx | My husband (33M) has a huge extended family. There's one aunt whom he claims to be very close with. She often wears heavy makeup but there have been several occasions when I've seen her without makeup.When my first baby was born, we had already had this discussion regarding fragrances and I had told my husband to avoid using fragrances, and he has done so. We separated shortly after I gave birth to our first son (5yo), reconciled two years later and then had our second child. Right after the birth, his family would visit and this aunt would come wearing heavy perfume and makeup. After these visits I would remind him to please make an effort to bring it up that kids especially newborn babies should not be around such strong perfume and should most definitely not be kissed by lips wearing lipstick. I myself have not used lipstick or perfume ever since conceiving my first child so it isn't like my husband isn't reminded everyday of the effort I put into protecting my kids from carcinogens. However he gets very uptight each time I broach this. This most recent episode really ticked me off-we were at my MIL's for a xmas lunch and that aunt was there. I had left my youngest baby (3 mths) to my SIL who wanted to carry her. When I came back for her, I noticed something red on her head and thought she had a bump, so I asked what happened. My SIL said er, that aunt kissed her...And she made a :/ face. I didn't make a big deal of it and went to get a wet washcloth to try to clean it off. Then I noticed there was GLITTER and it wouldn't come off. I was irritated but didn't let on until I got home and asked my husband to look at this stain that wouldn't come off even in the shower. I made sure to keep my tone very light, even borderline playful, because he often accuses me of being hyperbolic.He gave me a blank look and said nothing, despite having promised me he would bring it up to her the next time it happens. He made zero acknowledgment of what I said. Later, this turned ugly when I called him out on his reluctance to keep his promise. He says I'm always ruining his holidays and that he can't control what his family does. He then gave the excuse that maybe she feels safe in her makeup and that asking her not to wear it is cruel and will make her love our kids less. I said I don't think love works that way and that I'm not asking her not to wear makeup, she can just refrain from kissing the kids with lipstick on, maybe after eating when the lipstick is mostly gone? He then just kept reiterating that he can't control what his family does. We see her on average 2x/month, during holidays and special occasions it can go to more than 5x a month and this isn't the first time it has happened. I am only extra annoyed because there was glitter and it didn't come off even in the shower and my husband had previously specifically promised he would speak to her again. Am I out of line? | AITA for asking husband to tell aunt not to kiss my babies with lipstick on | YTA |
10yzm0r | My(40F) brother's (38M) girlfriend (40F) is having a birthday party and wants to take the family and friends to a cabin in the mountains. Now the deal looks like this: they pay for the meals and we pay for the accommodation (at the cabin THEY chose). We're also by ourselves with the transportation, so we gotta pay the gas money too.I told my brother me, husband and daughter (8F) won't be attending, because we don't have the money. He got mad, saying we should make an effort and that it's a special moment for his gf. I explained to him that we're sorry, but we're on a budget.He eventually decided that if we don't come, they won't come either at my daughter's birthday party as they don't have money. I got mad and told him he's being petty. Bro has a son, my nephew (8M) that is basically my daughter's best friend. Him not coming would hurt her a lot, so I told my bro he's just petty, because I'm not asking him to pay anything, it's a day party and all expenses are paid by us. All he needs to do is be present with his son.He told me it's about etiquette and if I want people to come to my events, I should make an effort for them too. I don't think it's fair, I'm asking him to a free day out while he's asking me to 3 days of trip paid by me on his own terms. Aita? | AITA for telling my brother I'm not going to his party, but I expect him to com | NTA |
10yyn4n | I have a very aggressive form of MS and am having trouble getting all of the things I have to do done so I asked my husband to take some things off of my plate.I asked him to take over all dental care for the kids along with orthodontist appointments. He said sure. I also asked him to take over the security of birth certificates, social security cards, and other important documents.Yesterday, I asked my kids when was the last time they saw the dentist or orthodontist? They said a long time. I then called the dentist and orthodontist and the children had not been seen in over a year. I freaked out and made appointments and caught the kids up on all of their needs.Then my son needed his birth certificate and social security card for his first job. Well, my husband lost them. I tore the house apart to find them with no luck.Now I have spent 3 weeks replacing all of the documents.I was so mad that I confronted my husband about how frustrated and angry I was that his lack of follow through and that he sucks as a husband and father | AITA for telling my husband that he socks at being a father and husband. | NTA |
10yz8g3 | I grew up being punished by silence and it's been really hard to undo the problem.With my partner, I've made a big effort to over communicate and plan most of our calls.The problem is my BF hates communicating and we've had issues where he won't answer or return calls, forgets to call at a certain time, and says he needs me to plan things.The other day I had a big event working with the mayor (yay!) And I texted my boyfriend and asked him a question.He didn't reply for 7 hours.I totally lost it and ended up sobbing when I got home. I do not understand why he is punishing me.As a result, I have completely stopped all communication. It's been 2 days. I just don't have the energy to try anymore. He has barely tried to reach out.So reddit, AITA? | AITA for using the silent treatment? | NTA |
10yy47f | For some background: me (F23) and my bf (M25) have been dating for 4 years. Bf is kind of allergic to cats (nothing an allergy pill can’t fix), and I made it clear to him from the beginning that I am a cat person and would eventually get a cat.Well ~2.5 years into our relationship, bf got a very good job in a different state and had to move. I couldn’t move with him immediately because I also had a good job and wanted to wait until I could get at least an equivalent offer where he was, so we were doing long distance. About 4 months in, I was very lonely so I thought it would be a good idea for me to get a cat. I did my research and found a breed that produces less allergens than others and agreed that when we moved back in together, I would do all of the cat chores and make sure that our space did not get extremely messy due to the cat. He said it was ok, so I got my kitty.He would visit occasionally and the cat clearly gave him some allergies, but like I said, an allergy pill brought relief.Cue me finally getting a job and relocating to the state my bf was in. Well this is where the problems really started. Bf’s expectation of me now is to do all of the household chores (cleaning sheets, vacuuming, dusting, etc). His logic is that I got the cat, the cat is making stuff dirty by shedding, therefore I need to clean everything that has cat hair on it. Well everything in the apartment has cat hair on it, that’s what happens when an animal lives in a space!We have argued numerous times over this because he thinks I need to clean everything and I tell him I will do more than 50% of the work but not all of it, as I did say I would clean up after the cat. My boyfriend thinks I’m an asshole and that I am going back on my word and not taking responsibility for owning the animal because I don’t accept doing all of the household chores.So am I the asshole?EDIT for clarification:- Bf does NOT say that the chores themselves (sheets, towels, vacuuming) exacerbate his allergies. He says he doesn’t think he should do them because there is cat hair on those surfaces and the cat is not his. My point is he would do those things anyways even if he did not have a cat so why can’t we split them 70% 30% (me doing 70%)- I got bf’s full agreement that I could get the cat before getting the cat; therefore, he accepted living with a cat for 10+ years, and taking allergy pills if necessary, which he has to take seasonally anyways. And let’s be real, he loves the cat now.- I do most all other chores already: cooking, grocery shopping, planning dinners, half of the dishes when I cook, and cleaning the kitchen, all things he refuses to do. So if I were to agree to also vacuum, do laundry, dust then the ONLY chores he would be responsible for are watering the plants, cleaning his sink, and washing half the dishes. | AITA for getting a cat and then not doing all of the house cleaning | YTA |
10yyt5o | Context: A friend asked me to meet up last weekend. I said yes. She kept messaging me every hour or so throughout the day changing the time she would be free, and it became obvious that she had double-booked herself. Eventually, after I'd waited for an hour or so, she told me that she was not going to make it. Current issue: I asked her at the time if she wanted to hang out this weekend instead, and she said yes. Today I messaged her to iron out what we'd do (the time was already set), and I made a suggestion for a place to go. She replied, "My concern is that if someone texts me to meet up, [bar that I picked] might be too far away". I canceled our plans for tomorrow because I feel like she's double-booked herself again, and I don't want to wait around for her or have her in a rush to go meet someone else. My partner does not agree with me because it's possible that she is expecting a friend of hers to want to meet up with her and she'll simply ask that person to join us. Her wording indicates otherwise to me, I'm very annoyed that she didn't just explain that if that was the case, and I'm still bitter over last weekend. I actually don't think she would have said anything to me at all about tomorrow if I had picked a bar that was closer to where her other friends are going to be. AITA for canceling instead of trying to make it work around her busy schedule again?Edit: I might be the asshole because before last weekend, she never did this. I also didn't try to have a conversation about it, I only gave an excuse as to why I couldn't go. | AITA for canceling plans with a friend who keeps double-booking herself? | NTA |
10yxlrs | (Sorry for possible confusion- mobile and not a native speaker)Context: My (18F) school announced their graduation date and it happened to aline with our family vacation and I definitely did not want to miss either of them. Sadly bookings for the flights (only) has already been made, but my mother said she ‘understood’ and I could choose to go or not. I made my choice not to go but after my father heard about me not joining he said there was never really a choice for me— I should’ve know better—as I already said I could go like a year prior. I expressed my feelings regarding the graduation to him but he just laughed at it. It started with him trying to convince me to spend time with ‘family’ but I assured my stance— he pulled the ‘so you would choose it over your family?’ which I don’t think is the right analysis. After some shouting and personal ‘comments’, it boiled down to me crying and him just seeing the graduation as taking some photos and I can just do a ‘fix round’ photoshoot with friends later. I asked ‘So you’re forcing me to go?’ and he said that will be the case.Later at his attempt of consolation I believe, he came to me who was crying and asked ‘You’re not gonna die for not going (to the graduation) are you?’ I know I might be overreacting and should’ve respected my mother’s effort for planning more, but the experience of asking and fighting with my parents left me really drained.I’ve never been a girl with love for traveling—it’s usually my mom plans and I just tag along as we agree it’s best if we all travel together— so in the future to prevent me from causing this, WIBTA if I say I’ll probably never be free for our next trip and my parents can just go? | WIBTA if I tell my parents I’ll probably be free never for our next trip? | NTA |
10yzkbw | My (24F) boyfriend (28M) and I don't live together. I had the opportunity to babysit a dog for three days because my classmate really needed someone to take care of him. I welcomed the opportunity to have him over because we were getting ready with my flatmate to foster a dog in the following month. So this would be a great trial. So, my boyfriend was very attached to me and he wanted to spend all the time with me and we saw each other almost every day and he would frequently stay over. We had plans to hang out that evening at my place, and watch a film, but no set plan. And during the day I learnt about the opportunity to have the dog over. Then I texted him telling him about having the dog for a few days and I was excited about it. But didn't cancel our plans or anything. He answered with a big amount of rage telling me that he doesn't understand how i can make other plans when we were supposed to hang out and that he would never do this to me. I told him the dog isn't going to disturb any plans of us having dinner and watching a film at my place (the dog is a 12 year old boy and housetrained). My boyfriend knew this dog from before and didn't like him saying that he barked at him many times which I didn't even know about until that moment. He said that he feels like it's rude to not ask him for permission before agreeing to take care of that dog. He kept hounding me about it, making me feel super guilty. I told him it's ok and sorry that it upset him and if this is making him so uncomfortable I can postpone the babysitting for a day or two and we can hang out as planned. But he said no because he was way too upset to see me. I was calm and apologetic. But I feel his reaction was out way out of proportion. It's one of many incidents where he got so possessive of his space in my home. When a friend was visiting me once and staying in my room, he was upset because she was "penetrating his personal space" referring to MY room. AITA? | AITA for agreeing to babysit a dog without asking my boyfriend | NTA |
10yyejn | My husbands coworkers son brought home a kitten about 6 months ago. They already have 2 cats, so his dad (my husbands coworker) didn’t allow him to keep it, so the cat stayed outside. My husband went to his house to visit and the cat fell in love with him, as did my husband. His worker said he could have him since his son wasn’t allowed to have him anyways and didn’t ask if he could bring it home.His coworkers son was upset, so my husband said when he moved out if he wanted the cat back he could have it back. It wouldn’t have survived the winter outside where we live anyways, so we took him in. Fast forward about 6 months, and today the cat is in love with us, a very affectionate cat. Sleeps with us and everything, and stays indoors. Today the coworkers son asked if he can still have to cat back when he moves out. I asked my husband when is he moving out? When he’s 21. We’ll, said kid isn’t even 18 yet. I told my husband I’m not babysitting a cat for 3-4 years for a kid who wasn’t allowed to have him in the first place.My husband argues it was part of the stipulation of us getting him for free. I offered to pay the kid for the cat, so when he does eventually move out he can buy his own cat. But I mentioned the vet bills, and the cost of feeding the cat and what not and I’m not keeping a cat for that long to return him in almost 4 years. When we initially got him, we thought the kid was almost 18, and would be moving out in a few months. So AITA?EDIT: I appreciate the comments, what is an acceptable time to keep a cat for someone until they can take it back? | AITA for not wanting to return a cat in 3-4 years? | NTA |
10yzd4p | I leave for work in the morning at 8:20 my roommate leaves sometime between 10 and 12. It seems she gets up feels cold turns on the furnace (which doesn't have a thermostat just an on off switch) then she gets high, she regularly does not turn off the furnace before she leaves to go to work. I usually get home around 6 pm and the apartment is snifflingly hot, sometimes its 35°c! More than once I've had to open windows in the middle of winter to cool the place down. The constant temperature swings and heat have killed plants I've kept healthy for 10+ years. We received the gas(heating) bill for this past December and it's 200$ more than she expected. In our lease it's stated that I pay an additional 100 dollars a month to assist with utilities a number SHE came up with and I agreed to. She claims that I have to help her with this bill because I've "enjoyed the heat" I assure you I have not enjoyed the heat. I hate the heat. When I could afford to live alone I kept the place at a comfortable 15 degrees C (59F) in the winter, I'm hearty Canadian stock so this is very comfortable for me and living in an apartment building with heated units on all sides I often never turned on the heat. The only time I've touched the heat switch in our unit is to turn it off. My roommate is claiming that I won't help her with this bill because I'm "cheap" and only doing this because I can get away with it.Frankly I cant spare the money because of up coming moving costs and I don't feel I should be responsible for costs she has incurred because her habits have made her forgetful especially when these habits have damaged my possessions. I am neurodivergent, sometimes I'm pretty unaware of myself and extremely spiteful(working on it). I'm worried that maybe I'm refusing to help her because I am really angry about my plants. So WIBTA if I continue to refuse to contribute more than the agreed upon amount to the heating bill? *Maybe important details*I am subleting the room she is the only name on the main lease or any of the bills.My roommate has a serious canabis habit and in the year and a half I've been living with her she has been sober only a handful of times, I have given up on trying to help her with this. She often blames me for things like eating her food or leaving the bathroom light on just because she doesn't remember doing it herself. We are parting ways at the end of the month over many of these issues. | AITA for refusing to pay my 'half' of the insane heating bill? | NTA |
10yz97f | So I 29M and my spouse 27F have been together for 6 years and have a child 4M. She has Borderline personality disorder, but she is not violent never has been. she has had issue with friendships and maintaining them and connecting with peopleher whole life. For the past 6 months she has been play a game server called NoPixel. It's complicated to explain but it's grand theft auto with alot added to it and people Roleplay random things like gangs workers cops ETC. I have supported her fully cause she wanted to connect with people. even tho I don't understand roleplay all to much except for all the sexual things you hear about roleplaying but i put that aside in my mind for the benefit of the doubt. At first she was doing okay started slow and made some friends. After a while it was only men she played with which is also fine but, her Character and another person's character had begun dating and would message on discord and also play on the server. This has happened 2 times now. Currently on the second one. The messages on discord are friendly and about the game and Characters but, she spends anywhere from 4 to 12 hours playing. She did say they do flirt "in character" She tries to reassures me that it's just a game and it's all in friendly and fun and that its all just a story line but I feel very disrespected and betrayed because at the end of the day that is still another man on the other end. She says they are just friends just "together" and it's basically nothing more and I can't trust it. I've asked her to please change it and to stop flirting with people cause it makes me feel like I'm being cheated on. I've told her I support her playing her game and making friends but not if she is flirting and acting out "dating" even tho she says she just tries to make it super cringey and funny instead of romantic and the like just more friendship like but also why have them be together if it's just friends? She has accused me of being controlling and being an asshole cause I don't want her to have the "full scope of her character" and not be allowed to make decisions for herself. So, i need to know. Am I over reacting to all this?Forgot to add that she does tell me she can differentiate real life from the game but it really doesn't matter to me | AITA For feeling cheated on? | NTA |
10yzbwt | AITA for putting raw chicken in the sink? My roommate recently sent me a text asking if a raw piece of chicken sitting in the sink was mine. (4 person unit, 2 others besides us). I got back to the apartment and explained that it was mine, and that I didn’t want to throw it away because it would smell over time. The garbage had also just been taken out. Also explained that there were dishes in the sink so I couldn’t put it down the garbage disposal at the time. (Not my dishes) Note that it was a small maybe 2 inch diameter piece. My roommate does not have sensitivities to meat of any kind and cooks meats of various types, including chicken, regularly. Also note that the chicken had been in the sink for about 24-48 hours and that’s how long it took for the dishes to be cleared. I told her that when the dishes were cleared out I would take care of it and run the disposal as well as wash the sink, which is what I normally do. She stated that this didn’t seem like a good idea to her and that we should instead try to bag it and throw it away. (For fear of the sink smelling.) I told her that I had already wrapped up and tied the bag / containers it came in from the store in to save counter space (small kitchen) and I didn’t want to waste another bag or open the ones I tossed because juices would get everywhere and be one more step while cooking. She asked why I couldn’t take it to the garbage chute down the hall and I told her that I didn’t want to leave my actively cooking food for risk of hazards or ruined food. I also again didn’t want to waste any bags. She offered the idea of a small trash receptacle under our sink that we routinely take out but I reminded her of the bag usage I was trying to avoid and mentioned that using that method would result in a lot of bacterial transfer with the cupboard and receptacle itself / space around it. I also mentioned that it would be impractical and inconvenient to have one more step such as that, even with a schedule. In my opinion using the sink and cleaning it is the easiest method. Also note I’m the one who primarily and regularly cleans the sink regardless of chicken disposal I also take apart the components and clean those too. I checked with one of our other roommates and she said she’s not bothered by me tossing my chicken scraps there and she hasn’t noticed / been bothered by a smell. I’m still waiting to ask the fourth roommate when I get a chance. AITA? | AITA- Raw Chicken in Sink Debate | YTA |
10ywhea | My husband & I have been together for 13 yrs. We’ve always shared chores. And surprisingly for this type of post. My husband is quite progressive. None of that women belong in the home crap. But some how we have fallen into the trap of me doing the lions share of work around the house. I’d like to point out we both work full time & contribute 50% to the bills. He does do his chores. We switch everyday whose job it is to sweep & who wipes the counters down. He takes the trash out to the curb & does laundry once a week. He’s supposed to mop the house & clean the microwave once a week, but that doesn’t always happen. But I’m running the house, & cleaning everything else. The bathrooms, dusting, changing bed sheets, dog brushing & nails clipping, picking up stuff, grocery shopping etc etc etc. And all the mental load that comes w/ running a house. I saw a suggestion in another post & decided to try it. I asked him to make a list of everything he does for the house & us. Even tiny small things. Two weeks later & two reminders later he still hasn’t done it. Side note, he does deserve a bit of grace. He does have unmedicated ADHD. I’ve been on him to make a doctors appointment. But anyway. I finally blew up. Told him I’m disappointed he hasn’t made his list. The whole point was so we could have a diplomatic conversation. He said he didn’t know what to put on the list. Which is a red flag to me for so many reasons. I asked if he wanted me to read him my list. He said yes. Let’s just say I had to scroll through the list it’s so long. After many tears, mainly mine, he said he would do better. Today is my day off, the day I normally do most of my chores. We’re leaving early to visit my MIL. (She’s great by the way). So I’m zooming around the house trying to get done what needs to be done before we leave. I think he can sense that I’m upset because once again, I’m doing a ton of cleaning & he isn’t. So he decided to go vacuum my car (which he’s borrowing while his is in the shop). And this just made me so upset. I feel like I’ve read this in other posts. “Wife asked hubby to help, he decided to level a floor” type stuff. I asked him to help with the house. So he LEAVES the house and vacuums my car. Something not important. We don’t have the time to have this discussion right then, plus I don’t know if I have the words to describe why I’m upset. I’ve got to finish cleaning, get dressed and out the door. He definitely senses something is wrong. I end up breaking down trying to cut the brownies I’ve made to take to MILs because they’ve falling apart. Now I’m in the bathroom hiding trying to pull myself together. But part of me feels like I’m over reacting. He did clean something. I don’t know. Am I the AH?Edited for formatting. | AITA for my reaction. Asked my husband to help out around the house. He goes outside and vacuum my car. | NTA |
10z0irh | I have a lot of conflict with this because I’ve had a lot of mixed opinions. My mom had always taught me growing up that I was white, and I needed to have straight hair and act and talk a certain way and she was definitely a racist. Any time I wanted to do anything different or show interest in learning where my bloodline came from I was always given the run around. Turns out I’m about 60% Portuguese 20% white (French/Canada/England) and 20% Italian, give or take. So with this newfound information do I now need to appropriate my own culture and say I’m Hispanic? Or would I continue to say that I’m white? I digress. Being as that’s my general genetics I have very very thick and curly coily hair. I brush and wash once a week and it usually takes two people to brush out my hair. White people hair stuff sucks and will never work on my hair the way that products designed African Americans does. My hair will try to lock after 3 days of not brushing it, so I’m almost always keeping it tied up so it can’t get knotted, plus I work with food. Since I let my natural hair come back to life I can almost always only use extremely thick hair bands, I use oil on my scalp designed for black hair. I’ve tried soaps and conditioners and treatments made specifically for black hair and it’s been the best my hair ever felt. My friend things I shouldn’t use it because I’m white and I could be “taking it away from a black person who actually needed it”. But I need it too. Am I the asshole for using products that are designed for slightly curlier hair than mine when nothing else works? | AITA for using products specifically designed for African American hair when I’m white? | NTA |
10yxzzz | I (37F) have been married to my husband (42M) for 16 years. My husband has never liked for me to do anything while we're watching a movie or TV show. He would get extremely annoyed if I even checked my phone, so I have made sure to keep my phone stowed away while we're watching something. A few years ago I started sorting and folding laundry while we were watched. I could tell it annoyed him, but I'm a working mom with 4 kids, and I needed to get this chore done. I also started doing exercises while we were watching something, which also annoyed him, but I ignored this.Throughout the years, if I got up to do something like get a drink of water, my husband would pause the show. It didn't bother me much when it was just him, but in the last year or so we have started watching a sitcom as a family. It felt like the whole family would watch me as I walked to the adjacent kitchen, filled a glass with water and then walked back to the couch. It started to really annoy me. I told my husband that I was still listening to the show, that it took me less than a minute so I wasn't really missing anything, and that I didn't want him to pause it for me. I even made a joke quoting Frozone from the Incredibles, "I'm thirsty. I'm just getting a drink..."He said that we're watching the show together and that he wanted to be polite to me and pause it for me. I said I appreciated that, but I didn't feel comfortable having everyone pause the show and watch me.But he still insisted on pausing the show for me. This went on for weeks.At one point I was watching a show with just my kids, including my son (15M). I got up to get a broom and sweep the room we were in. My son paused the show and asked me what I was doing. This annoyed the crap out of me. I said I was going to sweep the floor while we watched. He said, "But I like you to be here \[on the couch\]. I said, "I'm the adult, I will do what I want during a tv show!" My son huffed but went along with it. I was annoyed that he had learned what I perceived to be a controlling behavior from his father.The next time we were watching the family show and my husband paused it for me, I said with exasperation, "My preference is that you don't pause the show for me. If you want to be polite to me, do not pause it!"He has stopped pausing shows for me, but I can tell he is still annoyed. AITA for caring more about my own preference than his, for not allowing him to be polite, and for voicing this with frustration?A couple things to note: We aren't constantly watching shows and I'm not constantly thirsty. These are events that have taken place over years. Also, I feel like I'm a bit ADHD and it is hard for me to sit still through a show, particularly a movie. I have sat there thirsty or agitated/somewhat bored many times because I am trying to not annoy my husband. | AITA for caring more about my own preference than my husband's, for not allowing him to be polite, and for voicing this with frustration? | NTA |
10yyn7c | Me and my gf had a sleepover and i took a very child friendly photo of us. We were both on each others side of the bed with clothes on and she was sleeping, the caption read “She said she would stay up”. i posted it and the next day her mother told her to tell me to make my facebook private. i know i should be on her moms good side but she had no right to tell me how to control my facebook account. on the other hand i feel like i should appease her mother so i dont piss her off. i honestly dont know how to feel or do. | AITA for not putting my facebook on private? | INFO |
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