title stringlengths 10 270 | query stringlengths 9 29.2k | answer stringlengths 3 3.81k |
|---|---|---|
AITAH for telling this guy he needs mental help and blocking him on everything? | I had a good male friend for about two ish months. Or so I thought he was. I told him from the beginning all we would ever be was friends and that I was not looking to date him.
Well apparently this guy thought he could change my mind. We hung out two times in the couple of months I talked to him and he seemed pretty normal. That was until he tried to kiss me and I told him very gently “ I told you from the beginning I was not looking for a relationship with you.” Then I left.
When I got home my phone was blowing up with texts from him about how no one ever wants to date him, and now he’s severely depressed. I told him he might want some intervention and that his happiness shouldn’t depend on me. With that being said I didn’t feel comfortable being around him anymore because he doesn’t have any respect for my boundaries.
It went quiet for a day. Then I find out he somehow got my parents phone numbers and my close friends phone numbers and was telling them about how horrible of a person I was and that no matter what I say, that we were dating. I was completely baffled.
I told him to no longer reach out to any of my family as that is crazy stalker behavior. He told me he just wanted everyone to know how much he cared before he died because I broke his heart so bad that he was dying in the hospital. He also said sorry and that he wouldn’t do it again.
A few days later he does the same thing with another one of my friends and proceeds to send her a picture of her address. At this point we both are thinking something is very wrong with this dude. I block him on everything and she does the same.
Well, I hadn’t heard anything for a few months then I get a random notification on Snapchat. It’s his old Snapchat account. Lo and behold there are hundreds of the same messages.
“What did you do to my brother?” “He’s dead because of you” “you will pay” “you will be served papers” then sends me a picture of a burial site (the same one that pops up first when you type burial site into google). Also to make matters more interesting the guy didn’t have any siblings.
I blocked him snapchat and changed my username. I also made it where no one can see me to add me on Snapchat anymore.
AITAH here? Or is this guy off his rocker? I’ve had some crazy stuff happen before, but this was the icing on the cake. Like what in the world am I even supposed to think right now. | NTA at all. This guy is deeply unwell and dangerous, and none of that is your responsibility. You didn’t cause his actions, you didn’t “break” him, and you don’t owe him access to you. Reaching out to your parents and friends and sending threats is terrifying. You handled it appropriately by cutting contact. Please trust your instincts and prioritize your safety. |
AITAH for ruining my boyfriend and his families social life | This requires quite a bit of background, so bear with me as I go through the context. Genuine novel of background, I don’t think I can cut anything to paint as clear a picture as possible.
To start, I (19F) met my ex friend group three years ago. The sequence was that I met two people, I will call them Leah and Mike, and gradually they introduced me to their friend group and we all become very close. When I say close, I mean very, very close. We all were homeschoolers, and as someone pretty much raised with a normal childhood with public school friends, I never knew anyone else with my background, this furthered how close I felt to these people and how strong the attachment was. Case in point for that was me and Leah, she became pretty much my sister. Of special note, all of these people had known eachother since they were little kids, and also Mike and Leah were best friends
So flash forward to 2024. I was at this point hanging out with Mike, Leah, and a few other members of the group multiple times a week, and it was so tight knit we all would speak to eachother literally all day either otp or texting, which I had never experienced before in terms of closeness but it was their norm. Like we all were tracking eachother and everything, I just went with it because I liked them so much. So last year I finally met the last member of the group who everyone talked about the most and we will call him Chris. To skip over a lot, me and Chris become fast friends, and I fall head over heels for the guy. I tell Leah, and she literally turned white and started shaking. Turned out Leah was also head over heels for him, which was SHOCKING because Leah had been an out lesbian for over a decade. She told me she was never going to make a move on him, but that I wasn’t allowed to pursue. She told me I was the only person she confessed that to. In the name of girl code I agreed to not go after him, but she let me at least confess to him, and he rejected me. So all good between me and Leah.
The rejection weirdly didn’t make me and Chris’s friendship awkward, and we never spoke about it. Me, Chris, Leah, Mike, and another guy Dan were the gang within this wider homeschool gang (of around 12). We spent a lot of time together, me and Leah were still best friends, but as me and Chris began to talk more it was clear I had never been more compatible with another person in my life, and I still had lingering feelings. I NEVER let my feelings get in the way of our friendship though, as his friendship became way too valuable to me. As me and him got closer a lot stated to change between me and Leah. One time on a weekend getaway, Chris asked to drive my car back to the house, and I gave him the OK. Leah was so furious that I let him drive my car she screamed at me and sped off with Mike in her car back to the house. I didn’t think anything deep of it.
Me and Chris by the time October 2024 came around were texting eachother all the time and routinely on the phone until past midnight. We became each others closest friend, but I still had some feelings. The night before a huge Halloween party a group member was throwing we were on the phone, and I for the first time brought up him rejecting me, just to kindof put it in the coffin. He dropped a bomb and told me he had feelings for me back then despite him rejecting me. All at once I realized the gravity of the mixed feelings he had been giving me for months, and my first thought wasnt about him, but Leah. I knew the instant he said that that it would be over for me and her. At the party for the first time I noticed the tension between me and Leah, it was as thick as concrete for months and I hadnt even noticed. Me and Chris leave the party early and end up dating by the end of the night.
We wait a bit before telling Mike Leah and Dan, and when we do it’s immediate silence from Leah. Silence for a whole month! Remember we all would speak daily. I wanted to give her space and let her reach out when she was ready. Here was my thought process: Leah was never going to confess to him, I had already been rejected, he was the one interested in and pursuing me. Why would I say no? To cut to the chase, at the next group function the only words she says to me were at the end, where in front of the whole group she said “I hope guilt eats you alive until the day you die.” The rest of the night is spent with her telling me horrible things over text (you stole him from me, he was mine, you stole my friends and I hope you rot in hell, etc), she was so mean it was genuinely a traumatic experience that I still can’t really talk about. I never spoke back to her in the same tone, and reaffirmed I understood what I did and regret not telling her sooner. She wanted space and didn’t reach out until December, which is when I told Mike I was going to tell Chris, then she reached out to stop me from ruining her and Chris’s friendship and pseudo apologized for her reaction.
Background over, now into meat. I didn’t tell a soul what Leah said to me that night. It turned out Mike and Dan had been begging Leah for months (months? I thought she was just upset I didn’t tell her we were dating sooner? That was only a week of time! Foreshadowing…). Well atp it was eating me alive. I had a gut feeling she was spreading rumors about me to the group. Everyone was friends as normal, including Chris and Leah, which would make me want to throw up. After something happened, I finally caved against Leah’s wishes and told him everything and even showed him the messages she sent me. Chris called it with Leah then and there and ended their friendship, which she tried to salvage infinitely more than me and hers, and seeing that also put the nail in the coffin between me and her too.
So this isn’t too long I need to skip around. 2025 is now here. Leah and I kindof makeup until I find out that since the very beginning, all of the girls in the group had a group chat without me. I realized that Leah and all of the girls in the group had never really been my friend, and my suspicions Leah was spreading rumors was confirmed I lose everyone in one day. But so does Chris. Leah had made everyone believe I was puppeteering Chris to act as my defender against everyone (she probably said this because he sided with me, and not the group), and everyone believed her. This utterly ruined Chris’s social life. Remember that they all knew eachother since forever, that included Chris. Not only him, but his parents, who were friends with the other parents, were unceremoniously cut off. All because of me and Leah. One of the girls met up with me and told me everything Leah said about me and how long everyone had been pretending to like me. “None of us thought you were actually our friend, we thought you were just being nice.” This was on my birthday by the way, just a funny footnote.
Now we are here. I have moved on as best I could, and try to not think about them. Chris on the other hand is very depressed to have lost everyone, and I can tell it hurts him even deeper than he lets on. AITA for the effect this had? This genuinely is ruining his happiness, and it’s breaking my heart to see how I pretty much ruined his and his families social life by dating him. Sorry if this was wordy, I didn’t want to spare any details and make myself look good. It’s tearing me apart to see him like this. So, AITA? | I’m still hung up on Leah allegedly being gay but being in love with this guy for years??? |
AITAH for not returning photos to the bride and groom? | I am a beginner photographer, more of a hobby for a few years, but I have been doing some weddings. Anyways, this past fall I photographed a couple friend's wedding. Or so I thought they were. I have known him a few years and he not even one, so I was only charging the $50 for the entire thing. From the time I got there until I left was about 4 or 5 hours. Ended with just over 1,200 photos. Meaning editing will be probably twice the time of being there. As I was about to leave the bride asks "Can I get with you later about payment?" and with how our relationship was I told her yes. I trusted they'd come to me in the next day or two to take care of it. Even if just asking to pay on payday. Something.
Nope. It's been about 4 months and nothing about payment, but have asked me for photos 3 times. First being the day after wedding. BUT about 2 weeks after the wedding my mom, who both claim is another mother to them, had been hospitalized and was for basically 2 months. Emergency back surgery, diabetic Ketoacidosis almost dying on me, broken leg, and other things. When I asked them for help to help things at my home run smoother while I was 2 hours away and I would be gone for at minimum a week, which is normally NBD I got met with a rude response from the bride about taking care of her home and crickets from the groom. After that even when I've seen them in person they do their best to ignore me and act like I'm beneath them or a bother when I talk directly to them. I was even updating them on her condition when I'd go, but nothing. Just left on read. But this woman is supposed to be a second mom to them. This hurt my mom and I deeply in many ways. As well as hurt and confused my children who thought of them as like an aunt and uncle. Told my kids they'd get them Christmas gifts and when my son sent a message asking if they'd be coming over, not even caring about a possible gift, he even got left on read. Hurting and confusing him more.
Because of that being their behavior AND no payment or mention of it I have decided to not edit their photos yet. I gave her 7 or 8 sneak peeks day after, but nothing since. I feel like I should be paid for doing it like a normal photographer does, and like I've done before, before I go through the photos to even get rid of the trash ones. The personal part just pushes me to not want to out of pettiness. I know it's $50, but it's the principle of it to me... AITAH?
Sorry if this is a bit scattered. Trying to give details without giving too much detail.. 😅 | Even though they are friends, you clearly had a contract with them with terms of payment and deliverables on your part. They're clearly not treating you like a friend, so it is time you act like this is business and keep to the terms of your contract: edited pictures upon receipt of $50 payment.
NTA! |
AITAH for telling a guy to delete himself after me followed me out of a bar | I (21 female) went to a metal concert, yesterday and afterwards went to rock bar with a few people I knew from the music scene. While we were there we met some other people from the concert and chatted with them. My friends all live in a different county an had to leave for the bus home, and I was left with the other people I didn’t know from the concert. They seems ok, as we had inside jokes and had been having a laugh for a good amount of time. For context there was 2 older men in their 40s and one younger guy 24, Daniel.
Now I know I’m a pretty girl and I get a lot of the wrong attention even though I’m just trying to have a nice time with my friends or in this situation with some randomers, this is a very normal thing to make new friends on nights out where I’m from so I did feel ok in this situation.
HOWEVER, this guy Daniel starts cracking on to me (flirting) when I’ve already established I have a boyfriend multiple times, and I ask him to stop. He also asked me out for coffee just as friends because he thinks I’m such an amazing person to be around etc etc (that was said in a sarcastic manner)
My bf ends up FaceTiming me as he’s currently in France and calls me every night. During this ft, Daniel grabs the phone from me and starts talking to me bf (I can’t hear him). I take my phone to the bathroom and talk to my bf 1 on 1 and he told me that Daniel was being really weird saying he was gonna look after me and take me out to coffee etc etc when I’ve already said no set my boundaries. I went so far as to say why would I be friends with someone who clearly just fancies me that’s not a good foundation for a friendship and would make me very uncomfortable considering I’m in a very happy and healthy relationship.
So, I hang up with my bf go back out to Daniel and to him that I don’t appreciate what he said to my boyfriend as I clearly set a boundary and he is not respecting that. Then holy mother of god, he started 😐 like man was telling me he cheated on “the love of his life” with HER BESTFRIEND 🧍♀️ HUH!? I was like okay? What does this have to do with you not respecting me ? Your just doubling down on not having any regard for women at all if she was the love of your life yk, anyways he kept going on and I kept trying to bring it back to the point I was making but I just gave up and was like right I don’t want to listen to this so I got up and left.
I’m a good few metres away from the bar at this stage and I look to my right HES THERE HES AFTER FUCKING FOLLOWING ME OUT OF THE PUB.
I stop I’m like “What ? Okay you’re being really weird, what do you want from me?”
He said he wanted to ask me a question because I was honest and it just went fucking down hill from there, he went on about being a terrible person and how he was abused growing up and how all his family were drug addicts etc etc and I was standing there like all I did was reject the man because IM IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!
I told him I’m not a therapist and I can’t help him, I said go talk to someone who can actually help you because I can’t. Yk there’s medication and lots of different types of therapy and he just wouldn’t stop it got to the point where he was asking me if life was worth living and he was going to delete himself everyday.
I think he maybe saw me an attractive girl who’s studying is a prestigious college in a band, doing well for myself is some how going to fix him ?
Now I’m no stranger to trauma, I’ve been in and out of therapy my whole life and I am currently on anti depressants. I’ve had a very hard 2025 and I work really really hard to be better for myself for the people around me and especially my family. Im not going to trauma dump because I don’t feel like that’s necessary but all you need to know is I’ve had a very hard life and I’ve also dealt with the same thoughts he has. It’s just the way he went about it, I feel like he was trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him to possibly get a night of the devils tango.
After a lot of reasoning and trying to motivate him he got to the point of I don’t even know why your still here right now and I went back to my original point of, you followed me out of the pub. I can’t help you, and if you want to continue your life the way you are that’s your choice, you either try get better get help, or you delete yourself it’s as simple as that.
I do want to say as much as I was extremely frustrated and very scared of this guy I did tell him wha has helped for me and I was nice to him before I got to telling him that ultimatum. I do feel bad about it but I was genuinely scared he was going to do something to me.
I got home safe with my boyfriend in the phone to me the entire time.
I don’t really know what to make of that I was very clear and I only had 4 drinks in the space of like 5/6 hours that’s nothing. I was sober
Let me know what you think of this I just can’t shake the feeling of someone telling you they want to delete to your face when you reject them. | You set boundaries, he followed you, then weaponized suicide talk. You owe him nothing. Stay safe. |
AITAH for making my parents mad | I (f19) have just been living life normally and doing chores around the house, going to work ect. when doing some washing my parents got mad at me for no apparent reason. they new I was going to be doing all of my washing that day as I had told them in the morning. After that they have just been strangely mad at me. nothing I do seems to be correct and I honestly don't know what to do now. this isn't the first time something like this has happened. every so often they get mad at me for random stuff. if anyone has any opinions it'll he greatly appreciated. AITAH? | Maybe they had a fight or something and instead of dealing with it themselves, they take it out on you?
Some people do that, especially if it´s about random and innocent things like you mentioned. |
AITAH For Not Approaching My Sister First After Finding Out She's Upset With Me? | Hi, this is an alt account since I have family on my main. I've never posted before so bear with me. Please be prepared for a lengthy and rushed post.
I (20F) have recently learned that my (25F) sister Anna is upset with me and that she wants to "distance herself from our relationship."
For some context, my sister Anna and I have had a bit of a rocky relationship when I was a teenager, but I guess I'll chalk that up to just typical sister drama (but this gives a sense of our history). Anyway I matured quickly and after starting college, her and I got closer. We had the same personality types (or so I thought) compared to my other siblings. Anyway some incident occurred like a couple of years in which she got angry with me, snapped, and ignored me for like a week straight. Even though I had apologized immediately (and looking back at the messages she sent me, I don't think I should have in that way) but anyway, I felt bad so I just put my pride aside and asked if she wanted a drink and that's what broke the ice. After that, we grew even CLOSER surpringly. We'd hang out together all the time, even without the rest of my siblings (we have a large family) and I'd often hear from her and others that "you're her favorite sibling," and the feeling was mutual!
The issue itself though, happened recently on a trip with me, Anna, and MY friend (this is important). While all three of us were speaking, Anna just started trash-talking our other sister Milly (22F). Trash talking seems like not the right term, but I'm not sure what else to call it. It wasn't necessarily too bad, but it's definitely not a conflict you want to bring up in front of someone who's not family (my friend that was with us), especially if the person you're talking about (Milly), isn't even aware of this, but multiple different parties are (my mom, brother, and now MY friend). And it was MY friend, not Anna's so if she wanted to rant I guess she could've spoken to her own friend.
Our trip ended and we came back home, while talking to my (22F) sister about the trip, I slightly brushed past that conversation while referring to something else. I geniunely didn't see it as any issue or bring it up for a malicious intent at all, really I was referencing something else and that conversation was a preface. I didn't see it as a big deal at all. But Milly's ears perked up and she asked me to repeat the conversation Anna, my friend, and I had. And so I did, not thinking much of it. And this "trash-talking" about milly happened often but only when it was me and Anna, not my friend. And it was fully Anna doing the talking, saying things like "oh I don't like how she communicates" or "she's just extremely sensitive so I have to walk on egg shells." But now that MY friend knew, I guess I didn't it wouldn't be okay for Milly to know?
Anyway Milly didn't like that at all, she would've liked Anna to come to her if she had an issue, not hear it from someone else. They had a trip coming up and Milly was considering not going over this. But after some convincing from our mom, Milly spoke with Anna about everything so the air could be cleared before the trip. And Anna is non-confrontational and also a people pleaser. So when Anna spoke with Milly about everything, first person she was angry at was me. Because apparently I shared something that was said "in confidence" (her words). Anna apologized to Milly, saying that she didn't think it would get back to her. They went on their trip and when they came back, Anna wasn't speaking to me. And the few instances that she was, it was short, completely different from how we would normally interact.
I knew something was wrong so I tried to make way for her to be able to bring it up me; trying to make a joke or asking random questions, but Anna wasn't having any of it. So I asked Milly to find out what Anna was mad about, because I knew if I went to Anna, she wouldn't tell me, deflect, or pretend nothing was going on. AND I'm a firm believer of if you're upset at someone and they have no clue, it is YOUR responsibility to bring it up NOT theirs.
Milly spoke with Anna (ironic I know) and said Anna was upset because "I'm questioning things I've told her in all of our relationship and she's been telling people things I told her in confidence" and that she "wants to distance myself from our relationship", but that she "wasn't mad at her (me)"
More power to you girl, if you wanna distance yourself go ahead! BUT hypocrisy is icky. One of the things Anna would always rant about was how much she disliked Milly's and our brother's communication styles (shutting down, not really saying what they're mad about, and overall not communicating and making a big deal out of nothing). But doing the exact same thing of not communicating, shutting down and making a big deal out of nothing is crazy work to me.
I've always been the one to go to people if they were upset with me, it's something I've been struggling to work on, because it's not healthy, especially when I'm made to feel like the only adult. If someone is upset with me, I CANNOT fix or communicate about the issue, unless I know the issue exists. Shutting down, and having me come to you, coddling your feelings, is something I just can't do anymore. So I told Milly that, who said that I should just speak with Anna since it isn't a big deal. And our mom also grilled me about it ordering me to go speak with Anna, saying I'm the A-Hole.
It's been about 2 weeks since Milly spoke with Anna about Anna and I's relationship, and it hasn't been resolved. Anna will say hey or hi, and I'll reply normally but then the conversation ends. The issue isn't brought up. She's admitted to Milly that she should've spoken to me about it before the issue escalated, but she was so busy. I would've appreciated and understood that if she had just sent a quick "hey I'm super busy right now, but as soon as everything gets sorted let's talk", that took like 30 seconds to write.
I would prefer to speak about it, but I can't control anyone else's actions, only mine. I'm open to communication at all times, and I've told Milly to tell Anna that, so she's aware. Also we all live in the same house, we have our own seperate rooms lol.
Sorry this is super long and rushed as I am super busy as well with courses, but am i the A-hole for not wanting to bringing up this issue first when I'm not the one that's upset? I geniunely don't think I am, this is a boundary to protect my own sanity. But of course I'm always open to different perspectives and views so please do share.
\*PS. any ungeniune or troll responses are getting ignored, I've read through some nightmare comment sections. I'm looking for honest, geniune responses, I really do want to know if my choice was wrong.
| NTA
Ignore all this manipulative shit. If your sister has something to say, she should say it to your face. |
AITAH for declining invite to birthday due to relationship issues with my ex | Hi all, am I the asshole because I (38f) declined an invitation to my Ex's (47m) best friend's child's 2nd year birthday party due to the breakdown of my relationship and the stress of putting on a rosy picture because my ex is demanding that.
For context my ex and I have broken up and i am raising our toddler by myself. And by myself I mean I have to pay all the bills, receive no child support and my ex only comes over to sometimes cook our child a dinner whilst my ex repeatedly berates me about my mothering and personal attacks galore about everything about me. There is constant verbal abuse and I even found out another lie from my ex in the last week (not cheating just something else that has caused further issues for me that I am trying to resolve and its costing me so much money)
I received the invite at very short notice 3 days ago and the party is in 2 days and I spent 2 nights debating how I should decline because I just cannot pretend that we are together and put on a brave face and pretend everything is perfect at my ex's request. But i also didnt want to just decline with no reason and tbh i just dont want to play the facade anymore.
My ex demands that I pretend we are together and that he is the picture perfect father when that is simply not the case. I briefly explained to the friend that im so sorry but I cannot go because of the relationship breakdown and the very real chance that we may bicker at the party and I truly don't want it to ruin the birthday. I apologised profusely and offered to meet up another time but they havent replied and its almost been 48hrs. My ex doesn't know yet because I cannot handle another fight with him just yet.
AITAH? | NTA. You did the mature and responsible thing by declining instead of risking drama at a toddler’s birthday party, and you do not owe anyone a performance of a relationship that no longer exists just to protect your ex’s image. You are already carrying the full emotional, financial and parenting load while being verbally abused and lied to, and it is not your job to absorb more harm so he can look like a good partner or father in public. You explained politely, you gave a valid reason, you apologized and even offered an alternative, which is far more courtesy than most people would extend in your situation. If the friend chooses not to reply that is on them, not you, and your ex’s demand that you fake things is controlling and unfair. |
AITAH for telling my gf that worst case scenario we could die in a bushfire | My gf was trying to decide whether to stay or go during the bushfires, I told her I was going to stay and fight the fire but the equipment we had and the current conditions made the fire a serious threat and if she wanted to stay that she should be aware that there was a possibility that we could die. She got upset and said I should have reassured her Instead of scaring her. | She needs to grow up |
AITAH For wanting to breakup a friendship of 7 years? | Me and my friend have been close together since we could remember, but sometimes she just makes me on the verge of crying sometimes. I feel like I no longer can trust her anymore, because she lies about things all the time. For ex, one time she lied about having ADHD and autism, which made people baby her for almost 2 weeks before the lie got exposed. She also consistently steals what jokes I say and my personality all together. To put the cherry on top, she made a racially stereotypically indian and hispanic accent, and made fun of down syndrome and autistic people. Keep in mind, i’m hispanic myself. I really don’t know what to do, i’ve never spoken out about this before because I was too nervous and afraid that’d she’d find out and i’d hurt her feelings. | NTA. The people you associate with are a reflection of the type of person you are. If you are not like her, I’d cut them lose giving me time to get over the situation. Yes, you invested a lot of time together but you don’t control her behavior. You control whether you’re around them or not. Best wishes. |
AITAH for giving my boyfriend a deadline to get a job or I’m breaking up with him? | I (23 F) have been supporting myself and my boyfriend (25 M) for 2 years now. We live together, and finances are extremely tight. I’ve been paying rent, bills, and covering most expenses while he has been unemployed. I’ve tried to be patient, understanding, and encouraging, because I know job searching can be hard.
I’ve been patient bc it’s been hard for him. He got a dui 2 years ago, had to go to jail for 30 days (1 year ago), and hes an alcoholic. He’s been sober for 4 months now.
The issue is that every time I bring it up, he says “yeah, I’ll do it” or “I’m working on it,” but nothing actually changes. He doesnt want to talk to me about it either he just keeps avoiding me. Meanwhile, rent is due, I’m stressed constantly, and I’m scared of ending up homeless again (which has happened to me before).
Originally, I told him he needed a job by the end of the month, but as the days keep passing with no action, I feel like I’m being dragged down by waiting. I told him yesterday that if he doesn’t have a job by next week, I’m going to leave and figure things out on my own. We’re late on last months rent, and my car payment is late.
He is applying to some jobs but no progress. I told him he could work at any fast food place, he doesn’t even have to be full time, anything helps. He refuses to work anywhere that’s like that. That’s where him and I disagree. I believe as an adult sometimes you have to work at a shitty place to make ends meet, He completely refuses. I am aware that you cannot make someone do something, but i cant be with someone who would rather be homeless than work at McDonalds. Which is also confusing for me because he has stated multiple times he will never let himself be homeless, but is still picky with jobs? Theres a difference between us, i have been homeless a few times and i dont miss it. Hes never been homeless before.
He thinks I’m being harsh and says I’m adding pressure when he’s already overwhelmed. He told me that I have completely fucked him over because he won’t have a place to live if we break up. I feel guilty, but I also feel like I’m being forced to choose between protecting myself or continuing to sink financially and emotionally.
I can’t explain how in love I am with this man. Choosing myself right now is tearing me apart, I feel like a horrible person.
AITA for setting a firm deadline and being ready to leave if he doesn’t get a job?
UPDATE:
We broke up.
I’m completely overwhelmed and heartbroken. He wasn’t mean to me — he didn’t yell, he didn’t insult me. That’s what makes this hurt so much. He told me he finally got a job starting tomorrow and asked multiple times if we could still work things out.
But the truth is the damage was already done. I told him I can’t do this anymore because I don’t trust him anymore. Too many promises kept getting pushed until the very last moment, and my nervous system just couldn’t handle living in that uncertainty anymore.
He packed his things and left. I could hear him crying a lot, even though he was trying not to let me hear it. He told me he knows he’s a bad person and that he didn’t intentionally do this to me. He explained that he was selfishly trying to avoid working somewhere like McDonald’s.
I don’t think he’s evil. I don’t think he wanted to hurt me. But I also know that love without stability and follow-through isn’t something I can survive anymore. Leaving still feels like it’s tearing me apart.
I hear loud screaming outside idk who picked him up… and I think the screaming was him idk Im just too anxious to look…
Did I fuck up? Should I have given him a chance?
UPDATE
Well I was wrong about him not getting mad part. He came back and has asked me multiple times to give him a chance and I keep saying no. He then walked out, threw something on the ground, slammed the door a few times and then screamed fuck outside. Now he’s back sitting in the living room not saying anything. I’m really anxious. | You should have ended it two years ago. |
AITAH for distancing myself from my sister, even though she is pregnant? | Am I wrong for distancing myself from my sister even though she is pregnant?
I am 20 years old and live with my parents and my sisters. One of them, whom I will call Z, is 23 years old.
For many years there has been a constant conflict between us due to a repetitive behavior on her part: taking things that are not hers without permission, always denying it, and not taking responsibility, with the constant support or minimization from my parents.
The first clear episode occurred when I was around 11 years old. At that time, I started saving my recess money for the first time over several days. One day, when I came back from school once again with a coin, I found my small piggy bank broken and completely empty. When I asked about it, Z shamelessly admitted that she had taken the money because she needed it. She did not apologize and never gave it back. My parents intervened by minimizing the situation and there were no consequences; my father only said, “She made a mistake, but she will give it back to you.” She never did. After that, I stopped saving.
As children, we were very close. She was very protective of me, and I admired her. Z was bullied for her weight during childhood and adolescence, even by family members, which greatly affected her self-esteem. I was one of the few people who never mocked her and always supported her. I, on the other hand, was very quiet and also suffered bullying because of that.
The relationship began to deteriorate during adolescence. Z changed a lot when she changed schools and social groups. She started prioritizing her image, her popularity, and her relationships, and began to treat me with indifference, even ignoring me at school. In several important situations I felt pushed aside.
For example, there was a school party where I went out alone at night and was followed by an adult man when I was 14 years old. I returned crying and scared to the school looking for Z so she could walk me home. She did not answer my calls and later lied, saying that she had tried to look for me.
On another occasion, when I wanted to sign up for First Communion with a friend, Z threatened not to do it if I participated as well. I had proposed the idea to my parents first, but she was older. My parents gave in to her threat and only enrolled her. They said that since I was younger I had more time; I did not understand it. I suggested that we be in different groups, that I would not bother her, but it was all in vain. In my heart, they chose her again.
Similar situations occurred with sports activities: if she did not want to go with me, my parents preferred not to enroll me and to keep her calm.
During that stage, Z developed serious behaviors related to eating disorders: hiding food, inducing vomiting, fainting. My parents, worried, chose never to confront her, which created a pattern: to avoid upsetting Z, the rest of us had to adapt.
Over the years, the main problem became the constant use and disappearance of other people’s belongings. Small objects disappeared—makeup, clothes, accessories—which later appeared in her room in good condition, with less content, damaged or broken, or did not appear again. She always denied it, even when there was evidence. This especially affected my older sister, who lost items of monetary value. Even so, there were no real consequences; they bought her a lock, that’s all.
When I started working and buying my own things, the pattern continued with me. The breaking point was at university, when my glasses disappeared, which I need due to severe myopia to study and carry out university or court-related work. I asked her directly if she had seen them and she denied it in front of my father. The glasses were in her room. Despite the fact that my parents knew it was serious because it directly affected my studies, there was no sanction or apology.
After that episode I decided to set a boundary: I stopped treating her normally and asked for something very specific, that she acknowledge her behavior and apologize. She never did. Instead, she became defensive, shouted, and presented herself as the victim in front of my parents. They believed her and scolded me. I decided to maintain emotional distance and blocked her on WhatsApp.
Months later we found out that Z was pregnant. Since then, my mother expects me to put everything aside and fully support her. I tried to maintain basic and respectful coexistence, even helping in practical ways, but the behavior did not change. My things continued to disappear, including underwear, which I later found washed or drying after it had been denied. I consider this unhygienic and a clear invasion of boundaries.
Additionally, Z tends to victimize herself by saying that my distance “hurts her,” and my mother reproaches me for being cold, for blocking her on social media, and for not supporting her emotionally. However, I feel that my boundaries have never been respected, neither before nor now, and that the pregnancy is being used as a new justification to avoid holding her accountable for anything.
I am not asking for punishments or constant confrontations. I just want her to stop taking things that are not hers, to acknowledge what she does, and for there to be a minimum level of respect. Since that has not happened, I decided to maintain emotional distance to protect my well-being.
AITA for distancing myself from my sister, even though she is pregnant? | NTA, you aren't responsible for your sister's happiness, pregnancy or no pregnancy. |
AITAH for not wanting a relationship with my sister? | hi Reddit. This is my first time posting on here so I’m sorry if I don’t use the right wording for everything. obviously gonna use fake names for the post.
for a little background, i’m the youngest sibling of four kids. i’m 21, and my oldest sister is 27. growing up, our oldest sister didn’t want anything to do with us. She moved out of our mom‘s house and lived with our grandparents so that she did not have to live with us. she only started wanting to have relationships with us when we turned 18. That’s when she would try to reach out and talk. that has never sat right with me, since me and my other siblings have had a relationship through our whole childhood. I don’t see how it’s right that she would just wanna come in now. although I put those thoughts behind me and tried to start a relationship with her. But since then, I’ve seen and heard a lot of things and do not want a relationship with her right now.
my oldest sister, let’s call her Jane, is married and has three kids. She lives in her husband‘s parents house and her husband is very irresponsible when it comes to money. My parents have spent a lot of money, trying to help support them. They have paid for daycare, clothes, events, vacations, gas, grocery money, and even a truck engine. my parents barely get a thank you for what they do, and feel like they have to help or else they’re not gonna get to see their grandkids. my dad gave her money, a.k.a. her stepdad, so that she could buy maternity pants, and then turned around and went out to eat at a restaurant. I just don’t respect that. i’m very protective of my dad and how people use him for his money.
I am married, and me and my husband live up in Colorado because he is stationed here. One Christmas, me and my husband were going to go down to Texas to my parents house to spend the holidays. I was texting the family group chat to see where everyone would be. before Jane said where she was gonna go, I said I would love to see her at Christmas since I haven’t seen her or my nephews in a while. She blew up on me in the group chat, saying we only expect her to be at our events, even though they have other people‘s events to go to, and that she came to Christmas last year. she also said how we’re very judgmental of her and how she lives. Now I was very confused and did not know where this was coming from, but it sent me off. I didn’t even know that she went to Christmas that year before. I will admit I was not the nicest either, as I flipped out on her and said that she allows herself and her kids to live in an awful house and her husband to do whatever he wants with their money and she needs to grow a backbone and stand up to her husband like she stands up to us. and also that my parents help fuel her life and how she’s so rude to them constantly. I then left the group chat. I can admit that I was an asshole there. There had just been a lot of little stuff leading up to that point. since that whole fiasco, I’ve barely talked to her and don’t feel a need to. I feel like she’s very disrespectful of our family, even though our side of the family is the one that helps take care of her children. it’s never wrong to ask for help and to accept it when it’s given, I’ve accepted help from my parents a few times and I always say thank you. my parents are genuinely surprised when they get a thank you from her or her husband. my parents paid for Jane and her family to go to Colorado on a vacation with them , and my parents told me they didn’t get a single thank you. They paid for gas, housing, all the food, and all the activities. not to mention my dad bought her husband a $900 truck engine and he has never paid my dad back.
my mom and grandma told me to forgive and forget, and to have a relationship with her because she’s my sister. I just don’t feel like I need to. If she didn’t want anything to do with me my whole childhood, how does that make her entitled to have a relationship with me now? The biggest thing for me is how I feel she consistently uses and abuses the power of grandchildren over my parents to make them feel entitled to help her. I have no respect for that. now, if she stood up to her husband, and finally put a back bone into their relationship to make not only her life, but her children’s lives better, I would have more respect for her. but she just allows for herself and her children to live the way they do.
so, aita for not wanting a relationship with my sister right now? | NTA!!! I'm kinda the same way with my dad except I left him on read on the last message he sent. If he wanted to talk to me then the call button is right there & he has to initiates it. He believes that everyone else has to initiate conversation with him all the time but when it comes to him looking like the victim he will message first. Anyways! This isn't about me!
You're right to not wanting to have a relationship with your sister from how she treats you, your dad, & your family. It's not right at all, so stand your ground & tell your mom & grandma that you don't want to then tell them why. Also good on you for admitting for when you're the asshole because that's honestly hard to do. |
AITAH for feeling dismissed and hurt by my friends joking? | Sometimes like tonight, my friend got all upset we were when he like insulted us or snapped at us and said “I’m joking! I don’t mean it! Stop being a bitch/sensitive.” And then said it was a generational thing. (He’s born in the 80s I’m in the 2000s). I told him “it’s because when you do that it’s dismissive of how people feel and it hurts.” And he says then fuck them. If you guys don’t like me/ what I’m saying I don’t want to be around you. Or you can leave.
And then it turned into he asked like why we don’t just drink straight up water and it’s like I do sometimes I need a little incentive so I use MIO or something and then he said yeah, but I don’t understand that. “Why don’t you just drink straight up water?” And I again said like I do I just need an incentive sometimes. and he like again went on a roundabout. Oh, I was raised differently and I don’t get why you guys do that. Why do you guys do that and he kept asking and being the sloop of like why do you do that? It sounds so stupid so I said because I never said I did. I drink water and then he told me to stop being snarky and shut the F up. It was a loop of him saying he wants to understand but then going back to being judgy and asking why.
It was all trivial I know, but it’s not the first time he’s done this. Even in that night. I unintentionally snuck up on him to ask a question and he said “why the F are you in my ear? Go away”, and I said “nevermind then” and walked off and he said “well F you then!” And the later came and found me said he didn’t mean to be mean, he just doesn’t like being snuck up on. But then will go scare someone by placing a fake skeleton or something somewhere. Or something along those lines. I just feel like he can dish it out but can’t take it.
Or there was the time he accused me of getting him fired and went on for a few minutes about how I took pictures and how he told me he was fearing to his job, so I got him fired. I didn’t, and he knows that and then saw my face and said “I’m joking, I know you didn’t” and some of my other friends at the bar listening to this called him out. Saying they believed him for a second, and that it was cruel. He still tried justifying it as it was a joke, but my friends still called him out. The next day he did come and say he was sorry and didn’t mean to hurt me. And I told him it did, and he said he didn’t want it to. That felt like resolution. But I still find it a useful example of his behavior.
There’s a lot I could name of the times he’s done this whole “I’m joking” attitude when he gets mean or dismissive. And yeah I know he never means to be, and he’s someone I’m super close to. Someone I’ve spent nights just talking out insecurities and existence with. Someone I’ve been working with for almost 2 years, and have helped each other get jobs or living spaces. Someone I spend almost everyday with. But I guess times like these make me question why I’m friends with him. Or if he even cares. I guess this whole post makes it seem like he doesn’t, but there times I can say he made the time to talk or share a moment. Regardless of the hour or his feelings. And yeah when he does get the dismissive attitude, I get snarky, I ask why he gets to be harmful but if I say something that triggers his trauma, it’s suddenly not okay. Why do I get snapped at for being hurt over his actions but if I hurt or make him upset, him he’ll chase me down for an explanation. | He does mean to be insulting, hurtful and disrespectful, and to get away with it because he passes it off as a joke. Once anyone has told you to shut the fuck up, any relationship with them is over. You may feel that you are super close to him, but he really doesn’t care about you. If he did he wouldn’t behave like this. Just read through what you have written and imagine someone else was describing all this to you. My advice is to end any relationship with this man immediately. |
AITAH for advising my adult daughter to dump her boyfriend because he said she's pretty but not sexy ? | My (39f) daughter (18f) surprised me by asking me how to be sexy. I asked her if she wouldn't prefer talking to her friends about this but she said it has to be me. She said she wants to me sexy like me but she doesn't want to cut her hair. I was so confused.
I told her to start from the beginning. She said her boyfriend (19m) told her about the difference between a "pretty" woman and a "sexy" woman. According to him, a pretty woman is usually young, thin, and has long hair. A "sexy woman is usually older, chunky, and has short hair.
I told my daughter this sounds like some mind games and I advise her to dump him. When I told my husband (39m) I expected praise from him. He is usually quick to say a guy is not good enough for his little girl. But he said I gave bad advice. He said, from what he's seen, the guys make the distance between pretty and sexy. Those guys have a crush on, then eventually fall in love with the "pretty" woman while he would just want to bang the "sexy" woman. I am so confused. Am I the asshole ? | NTA, since when did short hair equal sexy? Also the fact that your husband said the "sexy woman" is the woman they just want to bang is really weird. First of all, this is his daughter he's talking about. Second of all, it's weird to act like sexual attraction isn't an important factor for the majority of relationships. Your daughter is being set to unrealistic standards by her boyfriend and your husband is just enabling it. Your daughter deserves someone who loves her and is actually into her. If your husband is usually quick to defend her, I would be questioning why he is defending the boyfriend. Is it because he thinks the same way? |
AITAH if we kick a member out of a group because of his girlfriend even though he hasn't done anything to us directly? | Basically the title. I need the perspective of women in relationships and men.
Sorry, I’ll be a bit generalize a lot because one of the things we do when we get together is listen to Reddit stories while we eat or send posts to each other in the group chat. Even though it’s in Spanish, I don’t want them to come across this post. If you need more context, I could respond in the comments.
Context: A little over a month ago we graduated from a degree that in my country is predominantly practiced by women, so men are rare. We are a group of at least six people.
In this group of about six people, we have known each other for roughly four years. I can’t say we are that close because our interactions are mostly related to the degree and work now.
The situation is mainly with me (23F) although it also involves my friend Lisa (24F). Recently, the only man in our group (24M), let's call him Logan, started a new relationship (actually it's not new, but they hadn't seen each other in a while) with Linda (24F). Apparently, Linda feels uncomfortable with the group in general, but especially with me because recently Logan and I have been getting closer since we want to apply to the same industrial sector and we are doing an internship together, sending CVs, and planning to take courses in the area. I found out through a friend of Linda's that she thinks I am a b\*\*\*\* and that I want her man. I didn't pay much attention until today when Logan uploaded a photo of Lisa, him, and me at our internship on his WhatsApp, I think it said something like 'a disaster together since 2021,' and then there was a laboratory tube we accidentally broke. Logan lent me his phone to read the responses of another of our friends when I saw a message from Linda asking him, 'Why do you post photos with OP?' I’m not going to apologize, but I opened the message when I saw my name. I’m way too addicted to Reddit, so I looked for my name in the conversation, and to sum it up, he didn’t like me and he made that very clear in a very dismissive way. The same goes for Lisa. To his credit, Logan has defended us and prohibited talking about the topic, but I don’t know how things are going because he really doesn’t like us spending time together (the group of women). Specifically, I got this last part from Linda’s friend, who also told me that he doesn’t seem to have problems with other women.
The thing is I don’t like problems and I’m definitely not interested in Logan. I mean, I like him and he’s a good guy whom I see as a potential future coworker, and I’m not even that close to him, so I just want to slowly distance myself because I haven’t made any move that would suggest otherwise. I don’t spend time with him outside of practice time, and when I do, we’re never alone, BUTI recognize that it is very unfair to Logan, I know that definitely the rest of the group would find out. I talked to Lisa and she says she has already gone through things like this and doesn't want to get involved, so she will step back.
I don't want to get involved in drama, and Linda is the kind of person who thrives on that, as I've heard from several people who have painted me in a very bad light. Her friend, who is an acquaintance from university, approached me and told me that because it's a rumor in her field, where Linda is also involved. Honestly, I don't know what to think. I'm doubting if I have done something that might suggest that, and I want to ask Logan, but I don't think he would take it well, and I don't want to cause a fight with Linda because I've seen situations like this and it ends up breaking up the couple. I don't want it to end because, strange as it may sound, he seems very happy with her, she is his profile picture, and his family really likes Linda to the point of showing her off. He talks about her a lot, and at the same time, I don't want a situation where he has to choose between me vs. Linda.
People in relationships, could you please help me with your perspective or how I could approach this?
Although from my perspective I feel like I haven’t done anything wrong, could it be that the fact that I’m spending so much time with him and sending him messages contributes to this? We’ve been talking a lot lately and he’s the type who shares everything, so he has posted pictures with me, but no more than he does with the rest of the people in his life. Now we see each other from Monday to Friday from 8am to 3pm, so obviously we spend time together, though in different areas of the lab. He doesn’t only post pictures with me, and there are definitely many more of Linda.
I doubt myself because in our minds we always think we’re doing everything right.
| for feeling uncomfortable at all. I’d be annoyed too. But if you kick him out, you’re basically letting his gf control the group from the outside. You didn’t cross lines, he defended you, and the drama isn’t coming from you. I’d set boundaries, not nuke the friendship. |
AITAH for being uncomfortable around my fiancé’s disabled brother? | I know the title sounds horrid, but hear me out. I (female 30) and my fiancé (male 40) have been together for about a year and a half. When we met, he had just moved back to the area and was working on moving his mom and two brothers down with him. They are all disabled in one way or another. Because this was his plan before even meeting me, and we got engaged before the move, I agreed to letting them move in with us, at least for a trial year, so he wouldn’t have to change his plans. His mom is great, but she is in a wheelchair, so relies on others for some things, which is no biggie. One brother, we’ll call him Trevor (45) is on disability, mostly due to issues related to his weight, but he is on the path to getting better and is starting physical therapy soon, which is great.
His other brother (50), let’s call him Jack, is the one in question. His primary disability is IND (intellectual disability). It is not this that makes me uncomfortable. He has a habit of staring a lot in general. This is not uncommon for someone with his diagnoses, but he tends to stare at ME differently than his normal staring. This is also clearly different to me because it started just in the last couple of months. I’ve seen his normal “staring at nothing in particular,” but this isn’t that. I started noticing that he would keep his eyes locked on me while I’m doing things in common areas, and would have kind of a creepy smile on his face. After a few instances of this, I spoke to my fiancé, who then spoke to his family, and I got an apology, which was good. I told him I appreciate the apology and explained to him how it can be uncomfortable for women to have men stare like that because it comes off as inappropriate. He seemed to understand well enough. They also told him that if he can’t help himself, to try to not be in the common areas alone with me. That lasted for maybe a couple of weeks? I then caught him doing it again, and when I called him out by asking “we talked about the staring thing, did we not?” he said nothing, smirked, and looked down at his phone.
I brought this up to my fiancé and again he spoke to his family, and again, they made him apologize. I told him this time that I needed to see a change in his behavior instead of just accepting words. He tried to tell me he was actually looking at the cabinet behind me. The thing is, he has a habit of lying to cover his butt, so I told him “do not lie to me, you made eye contact with me, and when I said something, you smirked and looked away.” He had no response to that and went to his room.
I thought this issue was squashed until just the other day. I had just come home and was giving my fiancé a hug, so my back was turned to Jack. My fiancé caught him staring directly at my butt. He called him out with a passive aggressive “yes???” and Jack looked up in shock at being caught and started trying to look everywhere but at me. I figured he caught him staring, but I didn’t realize he caught him staring directly at my butt until the next day when he told me how he tried to talk to his mom about it and Trevor apparently butted in and tried to dismiss the issue by saying we “clearly don’t understand that Jack is just a kid.” This, of course, infuriated my fiancé, and he had some choice words for Trevor, but he revisited the issue with his mom later. After finding this out, I became very tense and anxious to the point that my shoulders and jaw were hurting from tensing and clenching.
The thing is, while Jack is IND, he is not delayed to the point that this should be considered okay. I am a teacher and have worked with kids with all kinds of ability levels, so I feel I have a good gauge for this kind of thing. Jack is definitely not as incapable as Trevor is painting him to be, but he is definitely smart enough to use the fact that they dismiss his behavior due to his disability against them. In my opinion, he is trying to get away with doing what he wants and taking advantage of the fact that Trevor thinks he’s stupid. He knew well enough to lie to Trevor about me being in the common area while he decided to walk around in just his underwear because he knew he wasn’t supposed to do that.
What ended up happening is my fiancé, his mom, and I all sat down and had a talk. I explained to her my feelings and got really emotional (I have some trauma around SA and just being creeped on from childhood). She reassured me that they are taking the issue very seriously and didn’t allow Jack to try to make excuses, and she is planning on keeping him under close supervision between her and Trevor. She also told Jack to stop using the dining table as his “spot” all day as he can’t be trusted to be alone with me in the common areas.
This has been working so far, but I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. Obviously, this is my home that I allowed them all to be in, so it is their home now too. I also know that my personal trauma is my responsibility to bear. I want to be comfortable in my home, but I also don’t know how fair it is to deny someone regular access to common areas in their own home as well. I know it was their idea, but the whole thing seems really messy and I don’t know what to think, feel, or do anymore.
Edit: I am fully aware that my willingness to try out this living arrangement is a lot and that this feels like a quick engagement. Believe me when I say I would advise against this if my friend came to me saying they were thinking about doing this. I can honestly say I’ve never felt a connection like this with anyone, and I’ve never been so sure about a person as I am with my fiancé. If this were anyone else, I probably would’ve jumped ship a long time ago. I’m not asking if my choices to go through with this are reasonable, I’m asking if my feelings and perspective are reasonable or if I’m maybe being ableist and not seeing things for what they really are. | NTA. This is simply not a living arrangement that is going to work for you. You really shouldn’t be having to support three other grown adults in the first place.
And you’ve known them for like one year?!? And got engaged in less than a year?!?
This is craziness |
AITAH for breaking a friendship over bad hygiene | AITA? For months perhaps even years I’ve watched a friend of mine neglect their dental health so badly that I believe they have at least 5 cavities.
Let me explain. For months I’ve watched as they sit next to me ABSOLUTELY ANYWHERE as they constantly have their hand in their mouth picking at their teeth for majority of their free time. They told me that the dental issues they experience is solely hereditary and that the experience simply could not be avoided. However I spend quite a lot of time with this person and I’ve never noticed a steady dental routine (not to say they don’t have one just that I’ve never noticed) and I causally joked about it one day and unbeknownst to meeeeee they informed me that they don’t brush their teeth with toothpaste as they believe they have bleach on them and don’t wanna ruin their teeth with it. I find that to be okay as there is alternatives but in this case the only alternative was a finger in the mouth moving things around inside their mouth. I’ve politely given recommendations that were simply given back to me in disgust . I’ve even offered to take them to the dentist after they’ve expressed teeth pain at my expense to no avail. I’m at my wits end and have no idea what to do or say anymore without it being an argument. It smells terrible no matter the time of day… am I the asshole for wanting to end a 5+ year friendship because my friend refuses to take their dental hygiene seriously? | What a terrible day to be literate. |
AITAH for falling asleep while my husband doordashes? | I (F26) and husband (M24) go door dashing at night when I get off of work. My husband goes doordashing when I get into work. I work from home as CSR and I have second shift. He works with DoorDash from the time that I go into work to the time that I get out which I get off at 1 am. And for those who know how call centers work. Some times shit get so hecktic and the social battery gets drained pretty quickly. And if you have shitty members, that can really make it worse.
I’m an empath and I can’t help the fact that I absorb people’s energy. And lately my mental health has not been that great. I’ve been snappy and irritated by the smallest things. And I’ve also been sleep deprived because I need a CPAP. So that also adds to it. And lately his health has been fucking up and that has also messed my mental health too. This is important for context.
So for the past couple of nights we have been doordashing up until 8 am. And during those nights, I keep falling asleep and that makes my husband upset. He’s upset that he doesn’t get to spend time with me and that’s why he likes that I ride with him. But I’m so exhausted and I don’t know what else to do. So AITAH? | NTA. It’s insane that he forces you to ride shotgun the entire time. |
WIBTAH if I cut off my annoying friend/ started a new server without him? | I (16 F) became friends with someone in one of my extracurriculars (17 M) a little bit into sophomore year. I'll call him Kyle. Kyle reached out to me via social media because of a funny post I made, and him being a bit eccentric and bold in reaching out made me want to hang out with him more. He was born in another country and seems a bit autistic (not trying to make fun of him, im being genuine) and he's genuinely a very smart and sincere person. When we first became friends, I noticed he seemed a little bit clingy towards me and other people since he knows a lot of people. But I was fine with it since I had distance from him for the most part.
About halfway through sophomore year I became a part of a friend group in my grade, and we quickly grew close through hanging out a lot over the summer and going on group calls. A few people in the group are a bit shy or antisocial (again, no judgement, I get it) so I tried hard not to make them uncomfortable and to let the friendships form naturally, which happened fortunately, and now I sit with them every lunch and play games with them almost every day. We have a discord server all together for minecraft.
Now, I started noticing towards the end of last year and beginning of this year that Kyle was really, really clingy. Which I didn't expect since it seemed like he had tons of other friends. At first i didn't mind, but eventually it began to make me feel a bit uncomfortable since he was constantly texting and calling me every day, and he drains my social battery very quickly. He also would overhear plans I had made with others and ask if he can join as well, even if it was a one-on-one hangout with someone he didn't know, which I obviously say no to. And im not trying to be mean, but Kyle's humor is honestly a little bit dry and awkward a lot of the time, but I try not to make him feel bad and laugh.
I know this is gonna make me seem like a mean girl, but it's honestly hard to spend a lot of time with someone who requires a lot of attention and who I quite frankly don't enjoy spending time with a lot of the time. So where my main problem comes up is here: Kyle started to sit at lunch with me and my friend group recently (wow, end of the world, I know) which wouldn't be that big of a deal if he wasn't very obviously trying to insert himself into areas where he isnt wanted. He didn't know anyone else at the table except for me, and I was honestly a bit glad he was trying to find people other than me who he can expend all his energy onto. But like I said, his humor is awkward and a lot of the time it just led to awkward silence among the table despite people trying to be nice. And not only that, but he keeps trying to insert himself in other people's business and plans as well. I'll be talking to one of my friends in a side conversation and he'll LITERALLY stick his head between ours and beg to know what we were talking about, and when/if we tell, him he'll ramble on about it for like 10 minutes despite the joke or whatever being over.
So, no social cues, thats fine.
But recently I was discussing in a side conversation, (While walking when apparently Kyle was walking behind us) about how my friend almost blew up my house or something on our minecraft server. All of a sudden, Kyle starts begging us to let him join the server. We both give each other a 'look', but I tell Kyle to ask the server owner. Next thing you know, he tracks her down across the school despite having no classes with her, less than 10 minutes later, to ask to be let in. I didn't think him being in the server would be too bad, but not only is he on call every waking moment in the VC, but he constantly begs me to hop on, he basically moved himself into my house without asking, and he constantly interrupts people and weirdly enough tries to artificially start inside jokes. I know that he just wants friends, but I can't really match his energy because thats just not the type of person I am, and it makes me kind of uncomfortable with how incessantly needy and clingy he is. I've also talked to a few other people about this and they've noticed the same thing about him.
To add a few more details, he is overly touchy with people a lot of the time, feels the need to be involved in almost everyone's personal business, and also he contacted my sister and my MOM through my instagram following list and now sends them reels and even started a group chat with us. He also will see family events I plan in my messages or through conversation and has dm'd my mom for an invite before. My mom doesn't see the issue with him and says he's just friendly, and she has even gone out of her way to invite Kyle to events I really don't want him at since he tends to spazz out. I know I sound like a major bitch or a bully or something but I really need someone to view this from my perspective. It honest to god feels like im being stalked sometimes, and despite the fact that he's really kind and honest I need him to tone it down, but every time I bring up him stepping over one of my boundaries, he starts acting really depressed until I apologize to him. | You’re 16. You have a long journey of making friends and ending friendships. Nta. Just start to distance your self, tell him you want space. Don’t apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re just enabling him by apologizing. When/if he starts to get all depressed just let him. Don’t engage anymore. And tell your mom to respect your boundaries and do not invite him anywhere unless you’re okay with it. |
AITAH for hitting my cousin after she disrespected me | I (20F) and my cousin “Lexi” (18F) live in the same household and share a room. She’s known for having a short temper and saying whatever is on her mind, even when it’s hurtful. I usually ignore it to keep the peace.
A few weeks ago, I was away for the weekend visiting my aunt. I was expecting an important work package to be delivered to the house, so before leaving, I asked Lexi if she could collect it if it arrived. She agreed.
On the delivery day, the driver had trouble finding the house and was calling me for directions. I kept updating Lexi and asked her to stay alert for him. Later that evening, the driver finally arrived, but called me upset, saying Lexi was uncooperative and didn’t come to the car to collect the package. He ended up leaving with it.
When I tried calling Lexi to calm the situation, both she and the driver were yelling. I got overwhelmed and ended the call. She later sent me a rude voice note, which I left on seen. After that, we didn’t speak for almost a month.
Fast forward to the day of the altercation. My younger brother touched something of hers, and she told me to “talk to him.” I said she could speak to him herself since she’s older. She started repeating herself loudly and aggressively. I got defensive, and she began cursing at me and calling me out of my name.
She then stepped close to me and said, “Touch me, touch me.” I snapped. I grabbed her, and a physical fight broke out. It got ugly; her wig was damaged, and I ended up with internal bruising and scratches. Afterward, we both said hurtful things. She told me I was “dead to her.”
The next day, she called the police to report the incident and asked for reimbursement for her wig. Now there’s tension in the house. We aren’t speaking, we still share a room, and I’ve been avoiding sleeping in the bed to keep distance.
I know I was wrong for initiating physical contact. I regret that it went that far. But this was after years of taking her disrespect and staying quiet.
So AITA for finally standing up for myself, even though it escalated into a fight?
• No weapons were involved
• This is an ongoing family living situation
• I’m looking for outside perspective, not validation | Why isn't she living with her own family?
NTA
Why do your parents tolerate her? |
AITAH for cutting this guy off for asking people inappropriate questions about me? | So, I (19F) have some older friends that wanted to try and set me up with one of their mutual friends (22M) from the military. I obliged because I have been single for quite a while and even though I love meeting new ideas and am open to the idea of meeting new people I choose to be single for personal reasons.
My friend's boyfriend knows that I am single and said he has a friend for me who we will call Justin. He told me some minor details such as his age, job, showed me pictures, and where he went to school etc... however he agreed he was not going to tell Justin any details about me for the sake of anonymity and because it would "be fun". A few months ago, we eventually decide to meet up and do a double date. It was a nice ice breaker because my friend, her boyfriend and I all worked together so I at least had someone to talk to if it got awkward. We went out for lunch and played a trivia game that apparently was being hosted at the cafe we went to which was a BLAST. He asked for my number, and we texted/called for a while after and went out a few times after as well.
Our first alone date he brought me to church which was fine, but I had to meet practically his WHOLE family. He also insisted on meeting mine and would talk about how he's going to be "best friends" with my 13-year-old brother which I felt was weird because I barely knew him myself. He was also very touchy right off the bat and would be finding constant ways to put his hands on me without asking me if it was okay. It ended up with me at one point having to get up to go to the restroom so I could move my position away from him. Over the course of the (literal) 3 weeks I knew him he was texting my friend, the one from the double date, about me and telling her basically everything that we would do or talk about. Also asking her for advice on what steps to take with me and how. I understand he might've been nervous, but he wouldn't ever ask me anything about how I was feeling or where I was at within our "relationship" even though I was nowhere near ready to be exclusive after 3 weeks of knowing each other and 2 casual dates (3 including the double date). I would’ve been open to having that conversation, but he never even confronted me with this thoughts or feelings the entire time.
I ended it the second I found out that he had been asking my same friend personal information about me. Such as asking if I am using him which I am NEVER EVER that kind of girl. Unfortunately, the one that really got me was asking her the last time I "did anything". Meaning the last time I was SEXUALLY active. Which in basic human understanding that is not something you ask someone's friend...EVER. Although just because I am single doesn't mean I am exactly withholding from activities and obviously my friend knows those things about me, but she just told him that is not her business to give out and then told me right away.
I am just so frustrated because I feel like I am rude because he asked to be friends and I tried to for a little, but he acted as if nothing changed at all and it was way too much for me. He is a decently, nice guy, but I think that he needs to figure out what he wants in a relationship before he tries to jump in one because he has also not been in a real relationship ever. I feel bad for the way that things went down, but I have people saying that I was justified so Reddit AITAH? | NTA at all!! Always trust your gut! Good job doing the right thing! |
AITAH for proposing to my gf w/out her brother's blessing since im only her fb | throwaway because everyone that will be mentioned in this story knows my main and this story is a bit long and names had been changed. with that, I, a 25 year old man WAS married once but did not work out for many reasons that I will not elaborate, but one of them is my ex wife is an emotionally abusive woman. After getting over it, ive decided to break one of my rules about myself, to only have sex with someone that is my partner. I’ve slept around, drank and basically just bar hops and had fun, but since i’m still watching out for myself, i made sure that every person i slept with was protected (3 in total). Having that phase was exhausting but this is where the time i met my now fiancé, Andrea (23 Fem). She does not sleep around or in the same situation as i am. She just randomly engaged in a conversation with me while i was eating alone in a ramen restaurant. Not gonna lie, I didnt get the impression that she wants to sleep with me or something like that nor had any sexual thoughts about her, I immediately agreed since she was beautiful herself and she has a very sweet voice.
We hit it off and for some time of just meeting and hanging out, we sometimes kiss and hug but no labels were discussed, yet this woman made me stop sleeping around and drinking without her even knowing. out of nowhere she called me crying because her brother randomly shouted at her. That night took an unexpected turn, after comforting her and letting her cry, she suddenly hugged me while straddling on my lap and begins to kiss my neck which caught me off guard, but after not having sex with anyone for months, and how attractive she was, i gave in and slept with her.
After doing it for several more times amidst 3 momths of being fuck buddies, that’s where i realized ive been falling for this woman for months. She then suddenly confessed after taking care of her, that she’d been in love with me for quite some time which i immediately reciprocated and began dating.
After 6 months of dating, and living together, without my knowledge, she told me that she’s been talking about me to her brother (Austine, 27) and girlfriend who is her bestfriend (maria, 24) and told me she wants me to meet them which i agreed to since compared to all of my exes, she was the only person who made me feel genuine love in a short span of time. i don’t see bad in people but her brother gave something off, he kept an intimidating demeanor while we talk but i wasn’t faze of it, I love Andrea more than I love myself to be scared. He told me to never let my woman experience the same shit she’d experienced which she was ghosted by her ex boyfriend.
I kept civil with Austine, but Maria? we started getting closer since Andrea and i have been telling her about our relationship which caught Austine’s attention, told us that our relationship sounds boring since my now fiancé and i dont usually argue when we have a misunderstanding, we talk and communicate and we made sure not to sleep on it. He heard everything, that Andrea had been infact receiving princess treatment, i take care of everything and take care of her, in bed or in general, she just bakes and wash dishes which we agreed on after a tiny argument since i don’t want her doing the work around the house. knowing that despite being the man of the house, i know how exhausting it is for her since she was in her masters. I also take care most of the finances which made Austine frown for no reason at all. He replies coldly and dryly everytime Andrea tells them how Im treating her but when her brother tells us about their relationship we make sure he felt heard. The more our relationship grow the more Andrea realizes on how different i’ve been treating her and how her brother treats her.
After 2 months, I’ve realized that I wanted to marry this woman. Asked Austine and Maria to meet up with me and talk about something. I asked them that i wanted to marry Andrea and wanted their permission for me to propose, Maria cried, she was happy about it but Austine? He somewhat threatened me, after saying NO he told me if he agreed, that once i made Andrea cry Im out of their life. That shot like a bullet since they all know that I was abandoned by my parents when i was a kid and had always been scared of being alone. I respected it despite being upset, hid the ring and never told my girlfriend about it.
Three days later, I got a news that Austine and Maria are engaged. After that, maria then messaged me and apologized on behalf of Austine. I accepted and just moved on. A day later, we decided on having dinner at our place since I offered i can cook, that’s where Austine blurted that to never propose on the same year he proposed. I got livid but it faded instantly when i looked at my girlfriend. I was upset yet im not ruining the night. After dinner, Austine and Andrea decided to buy some dessert while I was left with Maria, the conversation was heavy, heavier than expected. she confessed that she’d been noticing the envious is Austine’s words, wanting the same relationship as his sister, wanting the same treatment but upon hearing this, ive realized that he was a literal man child who doesn’t take care of his girlfriend. Maria told me that no day has passed that they do not argue over small things and that he always compare
my relationship to theirs, and having the news of me wanting to propose, he suddenly bought a ring and proposed first.
She was bawling, and as a good friend that i am, i hugged her and comforted her. that’s where Austine suddenly kicked me from the back once they walked back inside my house, told me all malicious words and that i was a piece of shit while actually beating me up. I didnt want to fight back, not because i know he’ll be unconscious since im bigger than he is, but because i don’t want to give Andrea an impression that im a violent person and that she should be afraid of me. he eventually calms down when Maria pulled him back and left. Andrea on the other hand was horrified and tried to break the fight but i used my foot to push her back. she was shaking while she walked around to get everything that she needs to take care of me. I felt her shaking, so i tried to calm her down but since i was also in tears while holding her, she couldn’t stop crying as well. thats where i told her everything, the conversation between her brother and I’s to Maria confessing. She couldn’t believe it, she was still trembling from the thought of Austine beating me up, by that time our conversation shifted from where she told me regardless of whats the truth, she’ll stay by my side
That’s where I couldn’t hold it in, I proposed on the floor, lips busted and in tears. I was on cloud 9 when she agreed. After a week, she suddenly ran to me crying since Austine had called her and she actually fought back and told him to stop controlling her relationship so i took the phone away from her and talked to him instead. He called me an asshole for proposing without his blessing, telling me that I brainwashed Andrea and that i was only a fuck buddy to begin with.
AITA for proposing to my now fiancé? | Why are you even asking that? Her brother is an AH and she said yes. Why are you so worried about what her abusive brother thinks? |
AITAH for forgetting my fiancés deceased son’s birthday? | So yesterday would have been my husbands deceased sons birthday. I usually remember special dates, like birthdays and the date a loved one passes. However, it’s usually for people I know or knew personally. His son died 10 years ago, so sadly, I never got to meet him. My fiancé reminded me as we were going to bed, that it would have been his son’s birthday, and said that he guessed I forgot. I felt so bad because my fiancé seemed so sad that I forgot, so AITAH for forgetting the birthday of someone I sadly never got to meet or know? | When you lose a child, it feels like everyone has forgotten about their existence. Reassure him that this wasn’t purposeful and ask for forgiveness for forgetting. Then ask him if he’d be comfortable sharing some memories of him. Also ask how you can help him grieve. Ask what you could do to comfort him on these hard days. Just knowing someone else remembers his son and the important dates is healing.
Then put a google reminder for his birthday and the day he died. |
AITAH for ending a Monopoly game with my partner early due to their obnoxious attitude the entire time while playing? Isn’t there a fine line between friendly competition & sore sport? | So tonight, I 27F, tried to play a game of Monopoly with my partner, 48M. I was super excited initially as I have not played that in a while and it’s one of my favorite childhood games!
However from the second we started, before either of us had ever even rolled he got obnoxiously competitive.
I am talking neither him nor I could make a move good or bad without him having to make a snark remark that aimed to make me feel bad about myself and like I have no chance on Earth at eveerrrrr winning anythingggg against him at all. If I bought a property “oh you’re gonna have to sell that to me eventually anyways” even if I had over 1k more than him in cash at the moment, if I landed on his ; outrageous laughs, negative commentary & ranting over it for literally minutes at a time. I’d have to just block his noise from my head and take my turn otherwise it would be 3-6 minutes before I would get to do so. Cause he just goes on and on and on and on. About the smallest shit, about the largest shit.
In life in general, even more so in situations that can already be to a degree mild or highly stressful like a good ol’ round of classic Monopoly when you have someone that is no fun to play with what so ever and constantly wishes bad on you and or rubbing bad in your face it takes away from the experience completely.
Yes, it’s okay to laugh cause someone lands on your spot & it’s okay to make negative/taunting/passive aggressive remarks but seriously every single fucking roll… AND no matter if you’re in the high position or low at the time??? So literally every fucking time the dice left someone’s hands he had something bad to say. It was just like Jesus Christ. That is a lot to deal with. There was no happy bonding moments or laughing TOGETHER there was only laughing AT ME. Despite his behavior the entire game I was trying to brush it off and I was maintaining my own true personality which is to slightly laugh and verbally wish someone falls in my little property traps but I also wish well on others during their turns (to varying extents) even if it’s me that is being affected.
I do expect if I play games with someone even if it is not in their usual character that they are going to show a certain level of respect, good sportsmanship & and understanding that their needs to be balance in your energy. If you’re playing baseball with your notably older friends and you cannot keep up, it doesn’t make the game bad — if they have some negative shit to say every single time you even think about breathing, now suddenly they are not such enjoyable company anymore on the field.
Fast forward. We have played for at least an hour at this point, I am not speaking up too much in order to keep the peace though I did a few times because he overreacts anytime you try to tell him something about himself that he disagrees with. I started off on top, then he was up, then I was up, then he was up — every single fucking quarter of the game he had something negative to say no matter what his money looked like. I reach a financial situation where I need to give up a single property to pay him a hotel rent and within two turns he will be coming around three of my corners that combined have like 7 or 8 houses on it which would certainly set me back up. So I was not even sweating the situation really. But his reactions!!! He starts immediately laughing loud and talking about how I need to sell things, and “look at me go”, “what are you going to sell this time” “looks like you should have made that deal with me and you wouldn’t be selling property right now HAHAHAHAHAHAHA”. It just did not stop!! Out of frustration yet true honesty too, I calmly but impatiently informed him that I am out of Backwoods to roll my weed. Which him and I both know I use for stress reduction in my life. I need him to either go to the store or give me the keys to do so (literally 50 yards from his house) to get some Backwoods if I am going to continue to play this game with him as his reactions make it hard to emotionally regulate and be happy, he takes all the fucking fun out of anything competitive in other words, seriously. Again, even when he is losing!!! Like how the fuck do you even accomplish such an obnoxious feat in life???
He got mad at me, said “Are you serious, you’re really going to do this right now?” Referring to what he would call “cause problems and be a sore loser” since I am now losing to him. Like I was the one that just spend over an hour being a completely unpleasant player. I did not even refuse to continue playing I just made it clear that with the way he was acting unless he was going to behave more maturely in competition I do not have the mental health to continue dealing with him in that game tonight without something to roll up some medicinal mary jane in. From the gas station so close that I can see it from his living room window. Mind you, it was after 1:30am where we live when this went down… a pretty late time to be dealing with that kind of behavior especially over a game and coming from a man that is damn near 50.
AITAH??? Or he really needs to mature and start self reflecting himself more like I try to say sometimes out of love for him & desire for our relationship to actually have a chance at working out long term. | This whole post reads like 16 and 19, not 27 and 48 |
AITAH for being angry at my brother for inviting over my ex-friend who treated me badly? |
So basically, I (19F) is staying with my mother (55F) and my brother (21M). I’m only home about less than half the year because I’m at university, so I’m mostly here during breaks.
My brother became friends with a girl named Laura (19F) right after she and i stopped beeing friends. She used to be my friend, but we had a falling out because she caused me a lot of problems. She would lie about me, tell people very personal things I trusted her with, and constantly try to put me down, especially in front of guys. She acts completely different around men, and it really messed with how and what I share with friends now.
My brother doesn’t have many friends, so I was okay with him being friends with her as long as he didn’t invite her over when I’m home. I told him this clearly because having her in the house gives me anxiety. I can’t stop thinking that she’ll snoop around and then tell people embarrassing things about me, like she did before.
Yesterday was already tense because my mom invited my grandmother (her mom) over. I’m on very bad terms with my grandmother because she has insulted me in the past calling me a sl*t because of my body and even accusing me of trying to seduce her 70-year-old boyfriend. So I was already upset that my mom invited her over while I’m here, especially since I’m not home most of the year.
After my grandmother finally left, I wanted to go downstairs to play with my nephew. But my brother texted me telling me not to come down because Laura was over and he knew seeing her would make me upset. At that point, I completely lost it. I hadn’t eaten, I’d already been stuck upstairs because my grandmother hates me, and now I was being forced to hide in my own home because he invited the one person I asked him not to bring over. ( I ended up comming downstairs anyway and boy did she got embarassed, she knows I don't like her )
We argued in our siblings’ group chat. I explained why Laura is a bad person and why we are not friends anymore. My brother said she never did anything to him, so he doesn’t see the problem. My other brother (35M) is also defending him.
Now I don’t know what to think. I would’ve gone back to my apartment early, but my birthday is planned for Saturday, so I can’t leave yet. I’m really angry and don’t want to talk to my brother right now.
So… did I overreact? Or am I justified in being upset and needing space from him?
TL;DR: My brother invited over an ex-friend who lied about me and shared my private life, even though I specifically asked him not to bring her over when I’m home. AITAH for being angry and not wanting to talk to him right now?
| " I would’ve gone back to my apartment early, but my birthday is planned for Saturday, so I can’t leave yet." .. you can. And you should.
Stand up for yourself, and leave?
NTA |
AITAH for Not Wanting a Part in My Sister's Wedding for her Second Marriage? | My youngest sister (late 20s) finalized her divorce in early 2025, and got engaged to her partner (late 20s) of 1.5 years at the end of Dec 2025. Her fiance is nice, abundantly patient, financially responsible, and has jumped into bonus parenthood of her kids - I have no objections to them getting married and I'm genuinely happy that she has found love again.
Due to financial and life circumstances, she had very little control over her first weddings (she had more than one ceremony with her ex). In addition to them being young, the people paying for the ceremonies wanted control over details. Needless to say, she was never truly happy with those ceremonies, and now is excited that she can have a do over, and plan her dream wedding.
In the 2 weeks since getting engaged, she has gone full steam wedding planning. Any conversations we have are steered to the wedding in one way or another. Through the conversations, it's become clear that she expects everyone (with a few exceptions) to drop whatever pre-scheduled plans they had to fit their upcoming pre-wedding activities and the wedding itself.
They plan to have a summer wedding in 2027, right in the middle of a massive, planned life change for me and my family (cross country move, among other things). When I asked if the date had significance, my sister said no. They just want a summer wedding, so they can have it outdoors at their new home (thus, no venue availability issue).
When I mentioned that the date she chose is right in the middle of my family's exsisting life changes, and she said "I know you guys had something happening, but it's not fully planned right? It's not that big of a deal. You guys can take off one day for me." I was floored.
It's true that not all of the details are worked out yet, as not all details for a cross country move can be planned so far out and some factors may still change, but we've blocked our calendars for a little over a month to get things situated during that time. All of my family and friends have been aware of this for well over a year at this point. With some of them offering to help us closer to that time.
Not only will this impact my immediate family, but it will impact any offers of assistance from my extended family during that month. Cross country moves are expensive, time consuming, and stressful on their own. Having help from loved ones can significantly lift some of that burden, and now I'll most likely lose that, as people will be forced to chose to help me or attend their wedding.
We must move at that time, with or without help.They've been engaged for 2 weeks and have no financial or significant ties to the wedding date.
As of now, we will not be going, and given the way she brushed off my concerns, I don't really want to participate in any other wedding planning or pre-wedding activities, either.
I'm happy for them, I want them to have a healthy marriage, and a beautiful wedding - but the logistics of me and my family attending during that time just won't work. It's not "just one day" as she put it - there is travel time before and after, additional financial burden, and stress to juggle all of that.
So, AITAH for choosing not to attend or be part of it?
TLDR: sister chose her wedding date at the same time as my family's cross country move/life changes. AITAH for choosing not to attend the wedding or pre-wedding activities? | The only people obligated to rearrange their entire life for a wedding are the people getting married. Your sister sounds insufferable. NTA |
AITAH for not letting my friend room with me? | At the time I was 32 years old. Let's call my friend Tina, she's 5 years older then me. We first met while being roommates during DragonCon 2018, been roomies for 3 years.
If you don't know what DragonCon is, it's a huge fandom convention for us nerds. I been attending since 2013.
Tina, & I got a long great. We had basic roommate rules. Be respectful of each other's stuff, & be respectful while we're trying to slepp (so I thought). Every year same thing, I pay her my share day of con. She would always book a host hotel,& I paid $400; check in Thursday, check out Monday.
In 2024, Tina agreed for my friend Pheobe to crash with us in her hotel room. Tina didn't notify me about not having a hotel room, until July.. 1 month away until DragonCon. She said she couldn't get a room, because she something happened with her payment.
If you know DragonCon, then you know how impossible it can be finding a hotel room, especially last minute. We call it the hotel hunger games, for a reason.
Thankfully, I found a hotel room that was just a 15 minute walk from the host hotels. Checked in Wednesday, check out Monday. My friend Pheobe was already confirmed my roommate,& helped pay for the hotel room.
Tina asked to room with me for one night, since she wasn't sure if her job would allow her to attend con everyday. I did agree, if she would pay her share. Because it was last minute, I couldn't get the discount rates, so the hotel room was full price. For Pheobe I decided that $350 for 3 nights it's fair. Tina would be $400 for 4 nights. They both agreed on the price.
Tina went ghost for awhile, until the day of con. She would try negotiating prices with me, trying to make her pay cheaper. First she said she could only go Saturday, & Sunday. So the price would be $250. For one night $150.
Then she asks for Sunday,& Momday ,to only pay me $100, & buy me food. I agree, thinking that would be fair.
On Thursday she finally asks me a "huge favor". If she could stay Saturday-Monday, & pay me back AFTER the con, once her paycheck is cleared up...That gave me major red flags. Something in my gut, told me no.
I got advice from 2 bestfriends, who believed it sounded like Tina was trying to take advantage of me. They pointed out how unfair it was that Tima would always charge me, & anyone else who roomed with us $400. In 2023, my bestfriend & her husband stayed just for ONE NIGHT. Tina asked $400 from EACH OF THEM. I honestly felt that was very unfair. I understand it's a host hotel room, but $400 for just ONE NIGHT, just sounds selfish in my opinion. She was going to make Pheobe pay $400 Friday-Monday.
I remember one year asking Tina, if I could just use her room as a place to change,& keep my cosplays. I would still pay my share for using the room. I was thinking $155, but she told me it would be $400.
I was always taught, more roommates you have, cheaper the hotel split cost will be. Or you pay by how many nights you stay.
It felt clear, now that I have a room. Tina feels entitled to ask me for favors, like I owe her. I had a feeling if I agreed, I would never see that money.
I simply told Tina, that I'm sorry, but it wouldn't be fair. Considering I paid her $400, for 5 years straight to room with her. It wouldn't be fair to Pheobe, to allow someone to stay for free.
Tina replied,"Total sense! You did say $100 the other day but no worries! If you wanna grab lunch during Con, let me know!"
I actually went through my messages, to make sure I was correct. I explained to Tina I said $150. She asked me to make it $100, & give me something like food for the $50 part, is what I thought you were saying.
She was definitely snarky about that, but trying to play it cool, by saying let's just hangout, & meet for lunch one day. We never did hangout. She ghosted me after that.
Should I have agreed, or did I do the right thing? Do I owe her an apology at all?
My bestfriend (the one who stayed that one night), believes I did the right thing. She reminded me how rude Tina was of a hotel room host, for keeping her "work alarm" on,& it going off at 4am, & kept going off every few minutes. My bestfriend felt like, her & her husband wasted that $800, because she got no sleep. I did agree with her point.
The one year Tina agreed to turn off her work alarm, she complained to me the next day, saying she was late for work, because her alarm didn't go off.
The last year I roomed with Tina, it was first year on a new volunteer team, & my shifts would start at 9am. She would throw pillows at me to wake me up, so she could talk to me. I was already pi$$ed off at the loud DJ music, that went on until 5AM. The DJ music, is what made me not want to sleep at that same host hotel room again.
I don't think I'll ever be rooming with Tina again. If did, it will be a strict rule for her to turn off the alarm, & not to wake me up, so I can sleep in the hotel room I paid for.
Was I the a$$ hole, for not letting Tina room with me? | Paragraphs are a wonderful thing |
AITAH for telling how I felt | So after many years of science I wrote to my ex friend and I was not nice, a little background, I had this friend years back that I met trough gaming we knew eachother for a decade online we talked almost daily and we had similar interests, however through the years he has been somewhat toxic and condescending with me. He's from a western country living with is parents having a low paying job sleeped around alot, in his 30s me being from eastern Europe and had to earn my shit. I cut off relations with him after he got a 19 year old gf and become more toxic. So last night I wrote him some not so nice (but true) facts and feelings towards him and of course I was met with an pompous and high and mighty reply that was long as a novel (he always liked his own voice) including his usual stab at me for drinking, and telling me how awesome his life is although nothing really changed for him since we spoke. Than he asked me to never contact him again so I just replied K and blocked him. | Why reach out to someone like this in the first place?? You just told him he was still relevant in your life. If it's been years, let to go! |
AITAH BY TELLING MY EX/BABY DADDY HE NEEDS TO BREAK UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND GO YO THERAPY?? | So me (f24) and my ex- fiance (m25) broke up when our son was 3 months old. It was difficult break up, he wasn't ready to be a father due to past traumas and the fact he thought he would never be a great father.
Before getting pregnant we were madly in love, life was good. We worked in the same place, and lived a happy life together. Moved in together very early one though. Then I felt pregnant and we didn't know what to do, he wanted me to get a a***tion and I was on the fence. I spoke to my parents in confidence on the fact we didn't know what to do, and that I was on the fence. I ultimately realized I couldn't go through THAT process, and was keeping what is now my son.
I informed my partner at the time that I was keeping the baby and that I didn't expect him to stay, I was ready to move out and cut all ties with him since I knew he had no interest in being a father. I would basically disappear of the face of the earth for him.
He chose to stay, at first it was fine, then the later we got in the pregnancy he wanted to be out drinking with all his friends leaving me all alone. There were some nights I would be left home alone waiting for him to get back from work and he would never come home, not to till the early hours of the morning. We argued more, and I said to him that he needed to let me go because I was not strong enough to let him go. Plus, he was getting violent when he was drunk, saying he loved me but despised the baby and that he wanted it dead. Then once he would sober up he would be on his knees crying and apologizing begging me to forgive him- I know I'm the idiot to stay but unless you have been a similar situation you couldn't understand the mind set you are in.
Long story short, he broke up with me one night after his best friend messaged me to say that I needed to be ready when he comes home because he needed to speak to me- My ex had spoken to his best mate about everything before coming home and his decision. He told me to get his son a better dad and that all he wanted to do was hurt his son for even making a noise and that he wanted us away from him. Be safe. So we did.
I dealt with the heart break poorly, I kept on getting drunk when I didn't have my son (he would be at grand parents) or go to the pub where I would end up messaging him and see him where we would cry, be angry or be sad that things ended up the way they did. Then one night he said enough from enough and that I needed to stop being so pathetic and move on.
So I did, now back to the present and his 9 months of disappearance where I find out he got with my friend/work colleague a few weeks after our break up- that hurt -and now we are on talking terms and he sees his son once or twice a month to try and restart his bond with son while he's still young. This started in March 2025 (We broke up in 2024).
Since the reconnecting my ex had called me at 1am multiple times saying his is desperately sorry for what he did to me and our son and how he loves us and that he never wanted things to go this way. When we've met up we've had heart to hearts about how we wish things were different. Christmas night, 2025, my son went to the hospital and he called me after we got home panicked and checking on how his son was and if he was okay. That was when he wanted to make things right and that he loved me, by this point I have been to therapy and realized that I needed to move on from him and put boundaries between us, I told him thank you and we eneded the conversation.
He went out drinking a few nights ago and messaged me again that he was so sorry for not responding to my messages about our son and he is so sorry and that he's really struggling with his mental health and that he felt so bad. This was at 1 am when I was sleeping, I woke up to this message and wanted to make sure he was okay. I asked him to give me a call or a text message just to let me know he was okay, I was worried. It's concerning messages to wake up too.
I waited all day for a response only to get nothing, I was really worried about him but I waited patiently. There s a history of poor mental health in his family and then those people ending their life early. So of course I'm worried. He finally messages late acting like it was nothing and that I don't need to worry any more.
In-between this time I found out he had an argument with his girlfriend that night and that he messaged me straight away afterwards.
I blew up on him, telling him he needed to get his shit together. I'm done worrying about him and his health, worrying about him doing harm to himself. I don't want that around our son. To the main part of tittle, I also said he needed to consider his relationship with his girlfriend if he's constantly calling me saying what he's saying and conversation we have had talks about him being single so he can focus on himself for a bit and it was something he wanted but continues in the relationship. Part of me is saying this to him because I don't want another girl to be as heart broken as I was, it's been a year and a half and I've only just started to heal. Then another part of me is sick and tired of being a middle man of a relationship that I'm not in. Nor should I be. I do not want to be the ex he runs to when things get tough, I'm sick and tired of it.
I want to block and delete him but I love his side of the family and they love me, I have their grandson and nephew. They continue to say they love us and support us- even spoil us for Christmas! They are helping me with childcare while I study in university.
Am I the asshole for saying he needs to just break up with his girlfriend and go to therapy because I've had enough??? | Yes, YTA for even considering having him be part of your life. And caring who he is dating and how mentally damaged he is.
Fun fact, you can block him without cutting off his family. I'd recommend it. |
AiTAH for being annoyed that I’m not getting a new cell phone after all? | So I (24M) am on the family cell phone plan but I reimburse my parents on a monthly basis for my share of it, and I own my phone outright. I’ve been obsessed with phones since I was a kid, and I’ve always looked forward to getting new ones.
I hadn’t thought about a new one in quite some time as I figured no point In it since they haven’t changed much recently and my current cell phone is only a year or so old, though this week my father asked me to look into a new carrier for the 5 of us. He was sick of paying $400 monthly for it, after my share of it was paid. I said ok and found a plan that would save him about $80 a month. I kind of wanted out of the Apple ecosystem and figured this was my opportunity to do so.
He agreed to that plan, and told my mom and younger brothers we were getting new phones and he and I went to the store. Being the phone fanatic I am he wanted me to come with him which I agreed to. He tells me to pick a device out and order a case for it online immediately which I do. I picked out a nice new Samsung device and ordered a case for it on Amazon.
So I really thought I was getting a new cell phone. He also ordered cases for the other 4 phones, but not mine as I’m an adult. Fair enough, I can take care of myself in that regard. I was excited for my new phone and started getting things ready to transfer.
We get to the store and they tell us about the down payments of $100 or so on each device. I tell him no problem and offer to cover mine. He changes his mind immediately and said “No, I don’t need a new phone and the other kids don’t need them either. Sorry son.”
I asked him why he said no and he told me he had no incentive to put in the investment on the down payments of new phones when the idea was to save money rather than spend it. I just told him that investments of saving money cost money sometimes and he told me to fuck off. | You're 24. It's time to get your own phone plan and make these decisions for yourself. |
Aitah for reporting my elderly neighbour for SA | Saturday afternoon 2pm, I was expecting my mate Chelsea to come round, get a knock at the door and yell out for her to come in.
No response- so I walk to door and open it to my 78yo Greek neighbour with a tomato and cucumber from his garden.
He handed me the vegetables then said “can I have your phone number”
I was like- “why? We’re wogs- yell over the fence at me?” And he said “in case for something important” then I said “your daughter (my landlord/owns the house I rent) has my number!” “No no, for an emergency” and I was like….. get it from HER! then he insisted “please just in case” so I was like whatever so I took his phone, punched my number in and handed it back, as soon as he grabbed the phone he said “don’t say anything because you know, women get jealous” and I was like 😳 what?
He then put one arm around the back of my neck/shoulders and the other at my waist and pulled me in FIRMLY for an intimate kiss.
I turned my head and he got my cheek instead of my mouth- I then said “oooookaaaaay” and was pushing him off. JUST AS MY MATE SHOWED UP AND DROVE IN THE DRIVEWAY.
He scurried off and I pulled her inside to tell her what happened. I actually remember he did something similar when I first moved in (not so forceful but still tried to kiss my mouth) and I minimised and brushed it off. This time I flew off the handle. I immediately texted his daughter/my landlord to tell her that her dad just came over and tried to kiss me and tell me to keep it secret.
Her response: “I’m working, will deal with this tomorrow”
I spent all day thinking about whether it constituted crossing a boundary- whether anyone would believe me- why it happened- how I could’ve prevented it.
Then it got to about 9.30pm and I couldn’t relax. I kept thinking about him coming up my driveway- he’s been coming into my property casually the whole time I’ve lived here, making excuses to cut trees or give me veggies or something- just to engage.
Because he is the father of the home owner I started spiralling- did he have a spare key? Was he going to come in and rape me while I was in bed?!
I rang a helpline- I rang SOCIT- I placed a report and tried to lodge an intervention order immediately so that he wasn’t allowed on the property or near me and if he tried he could be arrested. It made me feel immediately better knowing I’d done something formal about it.
I messaged my landlord IMMEDIATELY and told her to expect a call from police to discuss the matter. She responded again by saying “you didn’t need to do that, he just had a bit too much to drink”
😧
I was absolutely livid.
I asked her what was wrong with her- as another woman? How minimising it makes her complicit and that I was going to contact a lawyer and was going to block her so not to contact me further.
I feel so unhinged and like I have instant PTSD and OCD triggered cuz I can’t relax, I can’t stop checking my window and down the driveway- I want to smash his car with a bat, burn his house down- stab him with a screwdriver.
But obvs I can’t.
I spoke with the real estate agent and she said she will help me move and find somewhere new if I want to do that. I don’t have the time, energy, resources- to find a new home and move into it!???? And because they’re old and own their house- I HAVE TO BE the one to move 🤷🏽♀️
I’m in naarm Victoria Australia in case that matters. If anyone has advice or wants to chime in I’d be grateful for the input- I’m so beside myself but I can’t tell if this is something I should have just ignored and just STFU about 🤦🏽♀️ | I wonder how many times someone has just brushed this guy off. I doubt (unless he has some sort of recent brain trauma ie a stroke) that this behavior just started.
I'm saying this next thing to reassure you not to minimize. I don't think he is going to break into your house a rape you. I think you are relatively safe. That doesn't mean however that you shouldn't follow up with as much reporting or whatever you can do as you want to. For yourself and because people have been letting this grown ass man slide for too long I suspect. |
AITAH for exposing a former friends dark secrets? | So I’m wondering, AITAH after exposing a former friend and the fact that she was an absolute pathological liar. I had met this former friend through one of my longtime childhood friends, and she was very charismatic and we hit it off quite well. We enjoyed hanging out together and would frequently take out her only child at the time with us and she quickly became like family to me. We come from a small town we’re virtually. Everybody knows everybody else’s business, it doesn’t take long for any sort of rumors to spread throughout the entire community.
For the sake of this post, I will refer to this girl as “Mel“. As I started to get to know her more and more things were not adding up about stories that she would tell. She always needed to play the victim and always had to have her life revolving around some sort of drama, which she would, of course post on all of her social media to garner support and even GoFundMe’s.
As I started to notice the inconsistencies in her stories, I started to investigate more and more. The pinnacle point of this is when she called me crying stating that she had lost her nursing license after the a set of terrorist attacks in 2015 in our area. For years she had been claiming that she was a flight nurse, however, at the time I was a paramedic in nursing school myself, and I personally responded to the terrorist attacks. She claimed that she lost her license because they flew in to extract victims, and instead of going to victims that needed help, she had stopped to pray with one victim that died.
I know that this was a lie for a matter of fact is there were no airships that responded to this incident. Aside from law-enforcement airships, our airspace was completely closed due to the nature of the situation. There were also two major trauma centers and three other hospitals within a very close radius of this event, so there was no reason for an airship to even be called in.
I started to dive in even deeper, thinking maybe she was a paramedic that was lying about being a nurse. Turns out no she’d never been licensed as anything in the area, not even as EMT basic she had lied about who her son‘s father was, and even about being the alleged ex-wife of a very popular metal band. The band member in question is now deceased and has never been married. She uses his name and claims he’s her ex husband. She also has lied about her heritage and claiming that she is Native American.
I had run into a mutual acquaintance who was talking about the unfortunate situation that she was in with losing her nursing license, etc., and I informed this person of the truth, and that she has literally been lying about everything from her career to her relationships to her heritage. The mutual friend who we met through told me that I was TA for divulging this information. Even after this, she continues to tell these lies when it’s very easy to look it up as things such as a nursing license, paramedic license, etc. are public record. So I need to know AITAH? | once someone fakes licenses, dead ppl, and heritage, the friendship NDA is void. that’s not tea, that’s fraud-adjacent. |
AITAH for getting upset over labels | My boyfriend (54M) of 1.5 y went to a bar alone today that we've frequented together. When the bar tender asked "where's your girlfriend" he replied "we don't do labels, we have fun and hang out. She's out of town and will be back next week." AITAH for getting upset that he's denied our relationship?
As he was telling me, I was so upset. Over the past 1.5yrs, he's referred to me as his girlfriend, but when single in a bar he denies that he's in a relationship. Is he trying to establish that he's single? Do I really mean nothing to him? He tried to say that we agreed we don't like labels, I reminded him that's a conversation I didn't participate in because it didn't happen. Help reddit! | If he calls you his girlfriend in private but calls you a bit of fun in public, that's not your boyfriend.
NTA but I'd peace out. He either doesn't respect you or is trying to appear single to get attention from other women. Probably both. |
AITAH for calling out a pay gap at work in front of everyone? | I’ve been working at the same company for several years and have always had a good, professional relationship with my coworkers, but something happened recently that made things really uncomfortable. During an informal conversation at work, the topic of salaries came up and one of my coworkers mentioned how much he makes. We do exactly the same job, have the same workload, and I actually have more responsibilities, yet he earns significantly more than I do. When I pointed this out, the mood immediately shifted and someone said he probably just negotiated better and that it wasn’t an appropriate topic to discuss in that setting. Later on, my boss pulled me aside and told me that talking about salaries creates conflict and that I should keep those concerns private. Since then, I’ve felt bad for saying anything, but at the same time I feel like if I hadn’t spoken up, no one would have questioned the situation, and that the real issue isn’t me bringing it up but the pay gap itself. Now I’m questioning whether I crossed a line by mentioning it at work or if I was justified in speaking up. **AITA?** | Entirely appropriate. Only the bosses win when salaries are taboo conversation. That's why your boss came down so hard. The answer is to talk more, not less.
I would suggest that you do it in smaller groups, no sense getting yelled at more, but definitely do it.
NTA |
AITAH For Wanting My Fiancé To Stop Watching Porn - NSFW | I 22F am engaged to a 31M. we’ve been together for about three years now. I have never been in a serious relationship and I went into this relationship as a virgin. TLDR at the bottom.
A few months after we started dating Ray (fake name) said he had an addiction to porn. I asked him if he could start trying to stop (after we stopped having sex for about three weeks) since now he has a girlfriend and I can replace those self love sessions with sex. He seems excited by that. Well he wasn’t. I understand that an addiction isn’t something you can just stop over night. So I was hoping to help ease him out of it.
But about a month later we hit a dry spell. I ask him if he’s been masterbaiting and watching porn he says yes. I feel more comfortable with him now so I let him know how I truly feel about the matter. i say I really don’t like how that makes me feel. I understand it’s a habit for you but when you watch porn it kind of feels like cheating to me because you’re getting off to other people. I also tell him that it makes me feel like I’m not pretty enough. He says he understands and I ask him to promise not to watch porn anymore if it’s going to affect our relationship but he could still masterbait. I make a point to say please don’t promise if you’re not going to actually follow through due to prior relationship issues. He promises and I think all is well. That night we have sex.
Then a couple weeks go by and we haven’t had sex since that night. I have tried initiating sex but he rejects me. So I ask, are you masterbaiting? He says yes. I nod and then ask are you watching porn? He looks away with a smirk and I get a pit in my stomach. Maayyybeee he says. I explain again how it makes me feel and he says it’s not like that. He tries to convince me that it’s ok. I felt lied to. He promised me he wouldn’t and he still did it. Then he’s standing there looking like he’s happy he got caught. He says if it means that much to me then he promises he’ll stop. I nod and go lay down.
About three months go by of sex about once a week but he used to want sex all the time. Before me he would hook up with men so he could have sex and he told me he did this quite often. Well we moved in to my house together and got engaged. We don’t have sex the night of our engagement or the night after. Honestly I came to him crying asking why we haven’t “celebrated” he said well we’ve both been tired. I never felt uglier. That night he initiates sex and I say yes thinking this will help calm us both down after the argument but it’s obvious he’s doing this because he feels obligated to. I ask to stop.
Fast forwarding a few months we hit dry spells of a week and a half or so but I never say anything because I’m afraid of the answer. Then one day while I’m bringing him some lunch at his weekend job he says on his winter break he’s going to masterbait. I say well as long as you’re not watching porn. He holds his hand up to show his fingers crossed and says he promises he won’t. I get upset. I again explain why I don’t want him watching porn and he says it helps him relax and destress. I’m mad at this point so I say that doesn’t matter. You promised me multiple times you would stop but you haven’t! You’re making me feel so insecure! It’s like you prefer masterbaiting to having sex with your fiancé! He said fine I’ll never do it again! I’ll never watch porn or masterbait if that’ll make you happy! I said it’s not the masterbaiting that upsets me it’s the porn. He says ok! He swears he’s done. I made him hold up his hands so I could see if they were crossed.
Well fast forward to last night. We were lying in bed. We haven’t had sex in over two weeks and I ask have you been masterbaiting? He says yes. I ask have you been watching porn? He says I have to kiss him before he’ll tell. I kiss him and he holds my head there for a while before releasing me. He says yes. I stay calm. I ask in the past two weeks how often have you masterbaited? He hesitates then says four times. I don’t know if that’s a real number or not but I just nod. Then I ask where do you do it? He tells me he does it in the bed after I leave for work in the morning. I nod again. Then he says he used this machine that he said he bought for me, it’s like a dildo that attaches to a pushing in and out machine, on himself this morning after I left in a bad mood. (I was upset because the previous night he hadn’t come to bed with me like he said he would) I fake laugh and he said he didn’t like it. I said well maybe you should have used more lube. He grins and says so you like that huh? I ask what he means. He says well what I hear when you say that is you want me to do it again with more lube. I just fake laugh and avoid answering. I ask if he did that out of spite. He tells me no he just was upset that I left in a hurry that morning so he decided to “take the edge off”.
The truth is I don’t know if I can go on in this relationship but I’m pregnant. I know, why would you get pregnant with a dude that doesn’t like having sex with you? Well because he said it’s his dream to have a kid and he said he wanted that dream with me and when he asked we were doing good in our relationship so I stopped taking my birth control for him. (He would never wear a condom because they “take away the feeling and never fit him right”) and yes I understand it takes two but that’s why I feel like this is missing so much context. I feel stuck. I don’t think I would be as upset over this if there weren’t other relationship issues present but that’s for another post. My dream is we stay together, raise our child and have a healthy sex life. I don’t know. Am I the asshole?
TLDR: My boyfriend had a porn addiction. He’s promised me time and time again that he would stop watching porn but he keeps doing it. Even after I explained that it kind of felt like cheating to me because he’s getting off to other people. Over the course of three years we’ve moved in together, gotten engaged, and now I’m pregnant. I’ve offered sex many times but I’m almost always rejected. He said recently he’s gotten his masterbaiton down to two times a week but we haven’t had sex in over two weeks. Am I the asshole?
| “I 22F am engaged to a 31M. we’ve been together for about three years now”
🤦♂️ |
Aitah for not talking to my parents about what and how I will get when they pass? | I am the last living child of my parents. My brother died and left 5 children now I have helped out where and when I can. However the death did make them tell about the trust they set up I know very little and have ask to know very little about who and how much. My family has almost been torn apart by death money that it been ingrain in me you don't ask it's not yours. Well I know land is in the trust I know the land is going to be sold someday. My husband thinks I'm the whole for not asking for the land sell now and give it to me now to start a company. So am I? | NTA. It's not yours until they die. They may change how they want to distribute it. |
AITAH for telling my husband to start making his own food? | So for context I am 26F and my husband is 29. We have been married for 3 years and we have a great relationship. Yes we have our problems but nothing that we haven't been able to overcome. Normally I am the one who makes breakfast, lunch, and dinner for us. For the past month I have been noticing that my husband will not eat the food I make and it goes to waste. I have asked him many times if the food I made is not good and he tells me "no I love your cooking but I'm not hungry right now and I'm gonna eat it later". I'm like okay whatever that's fine so I put his food in the microwave because when he says "later" I'm thinking maybe and hour or two from whenever I made the food. Making food for my family is my love language. So whenever he doesn't eat the food I make, it does make me a little sad but I'm a very sensitive person so I try not to make a big deal out of it and I really try hard to justify his decisions. I normally ask him what he would like to eat and he'll give me the good ole typical man response which is "food". So that quite literally leaves me in charge of what we decide to eat. I don't like to go out to eat and a lot of the food I make, I make from scratch. Let me also add that I am a Mexican woman. So literally everything is from scratch besides my bread. I am horrible at making bread. So I no longer try to attempt it. Just a few days ago I made him breakfast and he specifically told me what he wanted, which was eggs with cheese and peppers in it. That's a normal breakfast dish for us so I made it without hesitation for him before he went to work. Once I was done with making his breakfast, I let him know that it was ready and he said "you know what, I'm not hungry and I don't want to eat it". That PISSED me off. Because you could've told me that you weren't hungry instead of just watching me make your breakfast and wait till I'm done to tell me you don't want it. Whatever. I ate it. He could see that it made me annoyed and from my perspective, I see that as a decent reason to be annoyed with him. I didn't react negatively, but I did make a mental note of it. I will go all out with dinner. I'm not just making the same meals everyday. I make sopes, enchiladas, sloppy joes, mole, Chile quiles, homemade salsa, shrimp ceviche, chicken fried rice, pork chops and mashed potatoes. The list literally goes on. But this past month he has not been eating my damn food and if you're Mexican then you know that that is like a slap in the face. This is one of the main ways that I show my love and support. This is how you know that I truly care and I want you to feel that. So anyways I make the food and I serve him his plate, we put on a movie and normally we will eat together. But I have been noticing that I am the only one that finishes my plate. My husband will take a couple bites and say "it's great babe thank you" and doesn't touch it again afterwards. And it'll just sit on the table and not be eaten. So now I'm wondering damn is my food not good? Do I have blind taste buds now and can't tell that I'm making shitty food? Is this not something he likes and I just never noticed? Is there something wrong? But then about a couple hours after I make food, I see his ass making a bowl of cereal or some stupid maruchan noodles from the pantry and that makes me feel bad. I know it shouldn't because I'm a damn good cook. I'm the one who is put in charge of all of the food during the holidays and my family and friends love my cooking. So I know that it's not me. But still it makes me feel bad that I'm not "capable" of ensuring that my man eats something better and more fulfilling than a dumb ass bowl of fruit loops. I quite literally start to beat myself up about it. And then I get mad because the plate of food I made is now wasted and he's not gonna eat it. So just last night I told him that from now on he can go ahead and start making himself something to eat since he doesn't eat what I make. He told me that I'm overreacting and that I'm punishing him for not being hungry when I get hungry. But here's the thing, this has been happening for about a month! This isn't something that I just pulled out of my ass because I got mad at him for not eating food that made in one day! This is a common occurrence and I'm sick of it. I explained that to him that I can count on my fingers and toes how many times he has not touched my food or told me he's no longer hungry after I made the food he asked for. He told me that I should still make him food because he loves my cooking but how does he love my cooking if he doesn't even eat what I make and prefers noodles or a bowl of cereal? That doesn't make any sense! This morning I only made myself some breakfast. He was upset and told me that he would like me to make him something. I told him that's too bad. I am not gonna sit here and continue wasting my time and my food just for him not to eat it. So guess what he did? He didn't eat because he decided he wasn't gonna make himself something. The same thing happened with lunch and dinner. I need y'all's opinion! Am I really the AH for not making my husband food? If I am, I will own it. | Could he be ill? It is very strange.... |
AITAH for being friends with my friend's ex? | So my friends, lets call them Ryan and Addie. Ryan and Addie were dating for a few months and a cute couple. We're in high school and they seemed to be sweethearts until Ryan broke up with Addie because he liked someone else. At first i was mad at Ryan and thought he was a jerk until he explained himself a bit more and how he didnt want to hurt Addie, which is why he didnt tell her. I decided i was going to be friends with both since Addie was (at the time) my best friend and Ryan was a decent friend.
Ryan got with the girl he liked who didn't go to our school. She can be called Mia. I'd never met Mia but I talked to her once or twice on the phone when Ryan called her. She seemed to be okay. Meanwhile Addie was becoming a bit of a brat. She was making up rumours about Ryan, twisting some stories and was constantly accusing me of trying to get with him, which i never did and never will do.
Ive started distancing myself from Addie as she's been pretty toxic and is going back to some friends who treated both of us badly. Ryan and I were becoming good friends and he came over one day just to watch a movie. Absolutely nothing happened, we laughed, he chased some of the chickens in my yard and half the time he was texting or talking about Mia.
A few days after that I got added to a gc with Mia, Ryan, and one of Mia's friends, she can be called Isabella. Well Isabella didnt like me and that much was clear immediately. I got accused of trying to get with Ryan and Isabella said some very rude things while Ryan and Mia were silent. In a private chat i told Ryan i couldnt believe what she was saying and made a comment about Isabella, calling her a bitch.
Skip a week or two and after avoiding that group chat (i did try leaving it but kept being added back), and i joined a call for a few seconds because I thought Isabella wasnt on it. She immediately joined and started asking why I was calling her a b-tch and being very snarky. i immediately left the call and was pissed at Ryan thinking he was talking shit about me, instead he explained that he gave Mia his login so she could check he wasnt talking to anyone. And of course she checked our chat first.
I deleted that social app and was just sick of the drama. I thought I was in the clear since it has been a month or two since that has happened.
Yesterday i was on call with Ryan and our friend. Ryan talked about Mia frequently and screenshared as he scrolled through her reposted tiktoks. He then found one Mia had made which was asking what she classified cheating as. And in the cheating section was 'hanging one on one with another girl' 'going to another girls house alone' and i cant remember exactly but i think another was having a girl friend or somethin along those lines? Anyways. We both agreed that it was pretty targeted which frustrated me as neither of us like each other and are strictly friends.
After the call i went to bed and got to sleep, something id been struggling to do all week. When I was asleep I got woken up by ppl spamming my phone and calling me, which already ticked me off. When i finally checked i saw that Ryan had given Mia my number since apparently she wanted to ask me something. I was very annoyed to be woken up by this especially since Mia just said 'I was gonna ask you something but I forgot'.
I told Ryan that I do not appreciate him giving my number out without asking me first and just would like him to let me know next time. I felt my message was polite but immediately I was told 'Okay but f-ing chill cause my relationship is on the line so f-ing pipe down.' I was surprised and increasingly getting more annoyed. I then told Mia than when she remembered she could ask but for right now i am going to try and sleep again. But i noticed one more message from a different number this time. Isabella had sent me a paragraph that was extremely rude and out of line. Here is what she said, i even copied the message from my screenshot:
'Hey girl, I don't know why Ur hanging out and calling some dude who has a gf. Ur being desperate. U got some chick crying BC U wanna be selfish. D Plus the dude is Ur so called bsf ex. Ur weird honestly, who let's there bsf ex over. Anyways, making keep Ur legs shut for a bit and stop trying tO get with other people men. Just make U uglier inside. Probably fix that before the outside'
I was furious, at so many people. At Ryan for giving my number to Mia witbout my permission. At Mia for giving my number to someone else who was a total a-hole to me, especially since I was intending on answering her honestly and putting these stupid rumours to rest.
I immediately blocked both of them but I was still obviously angry. When I sent a screenshot of the message to Ryan he just said 'oh that sounds like Isabella' and when I said it obviously was he just said 'ok?' And hasnt texted me since.
Its the next day and I am still furious. I do not appreciate people talking about me like that or my number being given out to people I dont know. I do not think that because I have a friend who is male, I am a wh8re, which Mia and Isabella seem to be convinced of. Im more bothered by the fact that Ryan doesnt seem to care that much either and seems annoyed at me. I know this is all stupid highschool drama but it still frurates me when people are lying about me.
Am I in the wrong here?
| NTA.
Once you get past your high school years, your social circle will expand significantly which will allow you to find better friends.
FWIW: Ryan certainly plays into the drama a lot for a guy. You may regard him as a “friend” but you shouldn’t trust him. |
AITAH for screaming at my neighbor after she called animal control on my dog for barking during the day while I'm at work? | My dog barks a lot when I'm at work but always calms down by the evening. Today I got a call from animal control saying my neighbor reported him and I lost it. I went over and ended up screaming at her telling her to mind her business and that my dog isn’t neglected. She looked shocked and now I feel like maybe I overreacted but also I don’t want her calling on us every time he barks. AITAH for blowing up at her over this? | Geez man "My dog barks all day but calms down in the evening" - yah, sounds like you are a problem. You just expect your neighbors to listen to that shit all day long? |
AITAH for asking my friend to delete a photo of me she posted without permission? | I recently found out that my friend posted a photo of me on her social media without asking me first.
The photo was taken at a small hangout with friends. I wasn't expecting pictures to be posted, and honestly I didn't like how I looked in it. It wasn't a bad or inappropriate photo, but it just made me uncomfortable to have it online for everyone to see.
I messaged her privately and asked if she could please delete it. I tried to be polite and explained that I didn't feel comfortable with the photo being posted without my permission. She got defensive and said I was overreacting, that it's not a big deal, and that once you're in public you can't control what people post. She also said deleting it would ruin her feed and make things awkward.
Now she's telling mutual friends that I'm dramatic and controlling, and a few of them agree that I should just let it go because it's only a picture.
I feel like I should have a say in what photos of me are posted online, especially since she never asked me first. But now I’m wondering if I made a bigger issue out of this than necessary. | OK - but if friends are telling you to "let it go", it leads me to think that it went beyond a single simple request to remove the photo.
Regardless, you asked, and she responded - a real friend would have had your back and just deleted the photo.
NTA. |
AITAH for not knowing where a fitted sheet was that I washed? |
My husband(H) and I(both in early 40's) have been married for 14yrs and have 4 kids ages 3-12. He works in tech and I'm a SAHP. I do all the the house cleaning and cooking while my husband does all the laundry, and washes dishes when he's home.
Backstory: My two sister's stayed with us for a couple days over New Year's. One of them stayed in my daughter's room. Before they left they brought their bedding down and started it. I switched it into the dryer and into a basket when it was done and that's where it sat (this is important).
On the day the the argument happened, H did laundry all day(6+ loads) so I had zero idea where the sheet in question was other than it was in the laundry room.
We have a camera in daughter's room so this conversation is word for word.
H: Do you have any idea where daughters fitted sheet is?
M: It's in the laundry room. In a basket.
H: Which basket? The one I brought up here?
M: I don't know which one you brought up.
H: I brought the one up with all of her bedding in. That I washed and there wasn't a fitted sheet in that.
M: Where is that basket?
H: I put it all away.
M: Then it's in a different basket.
H: I'm asking which one you're talking about.
M: I don't know.
H: But you put it in so describe the basket that it's in.
M: It was white and it had holes in it. It was on the ground in the laundry room.
H: I know what a laundry basket looks like.
M: What do you want me to describe?
H: Which laundry basket it was in.
I'm growing slightly frustrated.
M: Oh my goodness. Go downstairs and look for it.
H: If it was in that one, (points to the one he just put away) which you should easily be able to tell me if it was with all this stuff(that he put away), then I know it's not somewhere in here. If you know it's in a different laundry basket downstairs then you're saving me a trip.
M: If it wasn't in there then it's downstairs.(Him looking at me angry.) I don't know where it is and I don't know what your asking me.
H: I'm asking you what laundry basket you put it in.
M: How am I supposed to know?
H: Because you said it's in the laundry room in a laundry basket so how do you know that if you don't know what basket it's in or with?
M: How am I supposed describe what basket I put something in, I just told you it's white and has holes in it.
H: I'll give you a few example, I did the laundry yesterday so it was with everything I washed then, it has a pillow and other things in it, it's on the bottom and there were other things stacked on top of it. Those are all more descriptions then it's white and has holes in it.
M: I don't know. I have no idea.
H: How do you know it's down there then?
M: That was the last place I saw it.
H: So you didn't wash it?
M: Either I did or (my sister) but it's clean.
H: When did you wash it? A while ago?
M: After my family left(4 days ago)
H: Ok, so it's in the laundry basket that's been there a long time.
M: Is 4 days a long time?
H: Yeah
Walking out of the room mumbling.
M: You made that way to confusing.
In a loud and surprised voice.
H: I made that very confusing?
M: You know what the sheet looked like, if you know you didn't put it away then it's obviously not in the basket you brought up here.
H: It could've fallen out.
M: How could a fitted sheet fall out?
H: There was a lot of stuff on top it was stacked full. Why is it so hard just to be helpful.
M: I was trying to be helpful. How am I supposed to describe a basket? You were asking what basket is it in. It was in a white basket with a bunch of other crap.
H: Did you hear when you asked how I can describe it and I gave you 4 or 5 other ways to describe something other than the thing that looks like a basket.
M: I didn't know any of those answers. I don't know what basket it's in,I don't know if it's on the bottom. I know it's in the laundry room and it's clean. That's all I know. You've been doing laundry all day and I don't know what stuff you put on top of it. (Silent Pause) Do you understand?
H: Yes. I know there's a lot more things you could have said if you tried. Because you just described it to me.
M: I literally didn't describe it to you at all.
H: I know but you just did right now.
M: I told you you didn't know the answer to your questions and you didn't believe me and you insisted on me telling you more information that I didn't know.
H: You did know it.
M: I told you it was in the laundry room right off the bat.
H: You knew it's been down there for 4 to 5 days. You knew there might be other baskets stacked in top of it. You knew that you did the laundry.
M: I said I didn't know any of those things. I said I didn't know if anything was stacked on top of it. I said it was clean and you said a long time ago was 4 days which I don't think was that long.
H: Whatever you would've said would have been helpful. If you would've just tried a little bit instead of being so confrontational it would've been nice.
I get angry and defensive
M: If you would've used your brain and.
H: (walks away screaming) Shut Up Wife, I Am Done. I AM DONE. You can put the kids down I'm done.
I'm home with 2 kids all day and answer a million and one questions every second and in this instance H was just adding to it. I tried to answer H's question the best I could but am I the AH for not doing a better job?? I've been giving him space and usually he comes around but he's giving been me the silent treatment for the past 10 days. Which makes me believe I'm in the wrong here. | It's exhausting just READING this conversation.
Here's how a healthy version of this would sound:
H: Do you have any idea where daughters fitted sheet is?
M: It's in the laundry room. In a basket.
H: Gotcha, let me go check the baskets.
End of conversation. If he still can't find it, you look for it together. His line of questioning is insane and no doubt made you feel insane. How are you supposed to know where everything is when he's the one who has been doing all the laundry and moving everything around?
Seems like he just wanted to pick a fight and make you feel stupid. Does he do this a lot? |
AITAH for draining water from my plants onto my neighbor's roof? | I water some flowerpots from my garden daily, and some of the water drips over from my balcony onto my neighbor's rooftop. Since his house and roof are very poorly kept and he moved in recently, he has some infiltration issues on his porch (that also happen with normal rainfall) and asked me to stop watering the plants.
Seeing the issue, I have fixed the edge of his roof on the wall we share (replaced broken tiles and added new shingles with proper surface preparing and caulking), now the water runs normally with no leaks along the tiles onto his garden (plain grass).
Today I overheard him talking shit behind my back to my landlord and asking him to intervene, talking about how the water is ruining his property and how I "just fixed the roof because I knew I was in the wrong". AITAH? What would be a good solution? | Nah you’re not some evil plant villain lol but you should’ve stopped the water instead of fixing his roof. That kinda backfired. He sounds paranoid and messy. Best solution is simple trays or moving the pots so nothing drips over. Peace > being right. |
AITAH for not caring when my parents drop their past traumas. | There’s been times where my parents have lectured me but always find someway to involve themselves into the lecture saying me and my sister are the only family they have and start talking about the way their family members have treated them in the past. Personally, I can’t find myself to show any sort of empathy towards them when they tell me such stories. That’s not to say I’m insensitive towards any trauma someone has endured in the past, but they’ve treated me like shit for a good portion of my life so I lost any sort of pity or respect I had towards them so when I hear those sob stories I genuinely do not care and I begin to wonder how it even pertains to the lecture, as it has nothing to do with the conversation or the topic at hand. I was fine with it a few times, but it’s like they do it every single time they try and lecture me and it’s genuinely annoying. I obviously don’t say anything about it cuz I’m sure that would be disrespectful but it bores me to hear that.
If it was from anybody else telling me how they’ve been treated by their families I would care but when it comes to my parents telling me about their past I don’t, another huge thing is the fact that they STILL keep engaging with their extended family members when they absolutely don’t have to. So at this point you’re doing this to yourself and playing along, despite faking your kindness towards them. I feel like I’ve never had my parents show any sort of remorse when I’ve cried over things they’ve done or said to me which were genuinely abusive and some things are not even meant to be said to your kids and putting them off as “jokes” doesn’t make it any less better. Also whenever I heard them be rude towards my sister I’m also so disappointed because they except her to act a certain way but they’re the role models essentially and aren’t doing anything to show that. Besides providing like the bare minimum for us and buying us things. The emotional aspect that comes with being a parent is never there or it’s not enough, it’s always ruined when they start threatening us for “hurting” them when some things or rather everything I do is not even explicitly targeted towards them but they take it as such. | Fuck 'em.
that said, for your own sake to keep getting money from them, I'd dial it down a bit and throuw out a few "Oh that's terrible" and so on. |
AITAH for asking my daughter to endure my boyfriend during her birthday? | Hello Reddit! I (47F) have been in a relationship with my partner (54M) for 10 years now and I want to specify that I am using the term "boyfriend" in the title purely for legal reasons, we are not legally or religiously married, but refer to each other as husband and wife and, overall, see ourselves this way. We also don't live together despite spending most of our waking hours in each other's company.
My daughter (20F, going to be 21) doesn't like the boyfriend, I know it, she tries to hide it, but I know it and honestly, I think he knows it as well. I am not sure about the reason why she doesn't like him, but I have my suspicions and I believe it is largely because of our last break up (we broke up and got back together quite a few times). He was the one who broke up with me because of my different political views. It was a kinda asshole break up, we were in the market the day after my president candidate won the elections, he took the car and left me there. For context, we are not Americans.
Our last broke up lasted 6 months, I think my daughter doesn't like him because of how much I ranted about him to her, I think there are more reasons actually, but he was never disrespectful towards her.
Her birthday is in a few weeks and we always do the same thing, we go out to a nice place to have lunch, walk around some nice/touristic place and she goes to her father's house to spend the rest of the day. She likes it.
My boyfriend, whenever her birthday is close, always asks me "what are we going to do for your daughter's birthday?" And I just can't say to him that he is not invited, I know he would cry on the spot and this puts me in an overall difficult position, telling my husband that my daughter doesn't want him present in her birthday, it is no big deal, just enduring him another day for my sake. It's not a big sacrifice I am asking.
Anyway Reddit, am I the asshole? | Your daughter shouldn’t have to endure something she doesn’t want on *her* birthday. YTA |
WIBTAH for quietly cutting off my friend? | Hi, i’m on moble so sorry for any bad formatting. ill provide a bit of backstory.
I (17M) had a boyfriend who I’ll call Joey (17M). He broke up with me in October, saying it wasn’t that he didn’t like me but that he felt he wasn’t adequate. I was heart broken for a week or two before pulling myself together. At first I only did it because I thought he wouldn’t want to see me so sad (i knew this was a bad mindset, but i needed something to get started) and eventually did it for myself.
We had a few mutual friends, of which only one is important, Spring(16F I believe). today we were talking and she mentioned her boyfriend. i, for some reason, had thought for a while that i knew her boyfriend was, but i decided to ask her who it was/ “whats his name”? She skirted around telling me, worried I’d be mad, before telling me it was Joey. I told her I wasn’t mad, I just thought it weird my friend was dating my ex. She told me he and our other mutual friend (not important person rn) told her that he and I were never together and it was a “misunderstanding“. I guess that’s why she thought it would be okay to date him.
I told her we were indeed together and provided proof in the form of my call logs (we called very often) and screenshots of our conversations where we clearly talk like we are in a relationship. she said thank you and maybe he was ashamed. now, here’s the big part.
would i be the asshole for just silently removing myself from her life? i know i said i wouldn't be upset, but in truth, i just wanted to know if my suspicion was correct. Im not angry over him, but in the words of my sister in law, it feels like i “dont have a real friend” in her. my reasoning is even if she thought we didn’t really date, she saw how heartbroken i was and sited that as a reason she didn’t want to tell me. But not only that, she just accepted what they said at face value without checking with me. Im not really angry I just don’t think she’ll be valuable to my life if she acts like that. I want to silently not communicate with her, akin to ghosting i guess. i wouldn’t reach out anymore or reply much if she texts me. WIBTAH? | Man, nah, you wouldn’t be the asshole. Honestly, it’s not even about Joey at this point, it’s about trust. If she straight up believed their version instead of checking with you, that says a lot. Sometimes people just… aren’t really friends, you know? Ghosting might be the cleanest way to protect yourself. |
AITAH for not wanting my mom at my wedding? | \[There will be a TLDR at the end\]
Backstory: growing up I (26m) was always closer to my dad than my mom. I was one of four sibling but the only one from both my mom and dad. It wasn’t like my dad treated my siblings any different from me. When my brother had cancer my dad would drive him to appointments 6+ hours away, when my sister started to get older (teenager) he’d help her deal with teenage drama, when my older brother made poor decisions and got locked up my dad drive us all to the youth camp my brother was sent to. That left me (the baby of the family) and I saw how my siblings acted and did what I could to get good grades so I could leave home as soon as possible.
My parents got divorced when I was about 13 years old.
My mom: she always put her pot smoking before us kids. At some points selling the food stamps we got so she could get high.
My dad: while not quite a drunk he’d drink more than was probably appropriate and get anger issues.
Back to getting good grades and leaving, when I turned 18 I moved in with my dad, my mom was upset but I had life goals I needed to meet. When I graduated from high school there was a seat left open where my mom didn’t attend. Later I joined the military and graduated from recruit training. Neither of my parents made the trip to see me graduate.
I built my life by myself after that serving for 5 years and getting out having saved enough to start my life. I moved back to my home state though I’m still about a 6 hour car drive from my nearest family. Which brings us to modern day.
Modern day: I found the girl of my dreams and I’m going to marry her. Before I can marry her though I had to introduce her to my family. So she took a day off of work and we spent a weekend driving to my family. I was set to have thanksgiving with my dad and then breakfast the next morning with my mom.
On the way to the area where my family lives my mom texted me and asked if my dad was coming to breakfast and I told her no. I know she cant stand to be around him and she knows that I wouldn’t invite him to this breakfast. She was using it as an excuse to not be at breakfast the next morning. She texted me again and said she wanted to change the place we were having breakfast because it was too close to the town where my dad lives. When I told her I can’t add a 45 minute drive to the days schedule because we’re trying to see more people than her that day she told me either change my plans or she won’t be at breakfast the next morning.
I didn’t change plans and she didn’t text me the next morning or even the following next week. About 2 weeks later she texted me and asked when the wedding was and I asked her which wedding because I’m not even engaged yet and won’t be for another 5-6 months.
She kept badgering me about. Ring in this wedding I’m apparently having and keeps asking if she’s invited or what her rolls will be. The breaking point came when she then told my sister (who has always been more of a mother to me) that I’m getting married and didn’t invited and of my family, only my (apparently) fiancés family. My sister called me and was upset and it took me 20+ minutes to explain I’m not engaged.
This whole thing has me thinking about when I do get married though if I even want my mom to be there since she’s never attended any of my other life events. An option I entertained in the past has been if she doesn’t show up to my college graduation then she’s not invited. My girlfriend thinks I’m being too harsh because she’s my mom and doesn’t understand (I don’t think) how great her mom is and how not great mine is.
TL;DR My mom has never attended any of my life events and wants to be a part of my wedding even though I’m not engaged. AITAH for not wanting my mom at my wedding when it does happen? | NTA dude, she is already ruining a hypothetical wedding of her own creation. How much more of a red flag do you need? |
AITAH for judging my boyfriend for sharing his underwear? | ok so we’re taking about how his dog keeps chewing up all this shoes, and i ask him- why don’t you close your door? he says “my brother keeps leaving it open” and i’m like well why is he even in there to begin with and he says “to get underwear”…… i immediately start teasing him because its kids gross in my opinion. Unless you’re financially not able to but his man is WELL off and he’s genuinely upset with me and calling me a privileged brat….am i the a hole? | NTA - Sharing underwear is fucking weird, full stop. |
AITAH for cutting my sister out of my life | Hello reddit, I'll apologize in advance as even I don't know where to start from and don't even know if this is the correct sub. I'll be happy to answer any question in the comments if something is not clear. This is my point of view and I am aware that I am currently talking through emotions and it can be biased, I'll try to be as objective as i can be.
So my sister is a drug addict. To give a little context on the type of the person she is: She's the stereotopycal person you see on IG, wonderful life, traveling the world, posting perfect pictures of her "perfect" life. She's been like this for as long as i remember. She's never seriously worked for more than a couple of months a job, admittedly she's very beautiful and lived off other rich dudes money most of her life but behind the scenes she's not who she shows she is. She never cleans after herself, very prone to anger if something doesn't go her way, always looking for a way to scam the system or the next person if that benefits her. She thinks a job is beneath her, only looking for ways to gain easy money. She recently (maybe not so recently) told me that he wants to find a husband because it's time to settle down but she would never marry someone who earns less than x amount/less than her (she's not earning any money officially as she hasn't worked a job for years now, living off money she leeched from other people until now).
So here with the story. There will be few jumps in the timeline so bear with me.
Couple years ago my dad found my sister high, nearly overdosing, we called an ambulance, she's been recovered and against doctors advice she left the hospital. We then decided to consult with our family doctor to get some advice on specialists or the course of actions we should take. The doctor straight away told us that she cannot be forcefully recovered, if she wanted to leave the premises of the recovery center, they'll have to release her (we're situated in EU, multiple doctors told us so). So we tried to convince her to see a specialist. She did, little did we know she told lies to the psychiatrist to obtain prescriptions to get high and once obtained the prescriptions for psychotropic drugs (the only 1 i can remember is xanax but im sure there are more) she stopped the visits. In the next year she hopped from nation to nation because "I'm bored here, if im bored ill do drugs". In the meantime me and my dad found another specialist, closer to home and specialized in drug addiction, we talked to him privately before recommending him to my sister, he looked competent and a nice person. In between nation skipping she visited home multiple times and every time it got worse. For example once she took so many meds and/or drugs that she had to be recovered and the doctor told us that she may need a liver transplant, in the end she didn't. Once again against doctor advice she left the hospital. First thing she did once home, was to get high.
At this point i gave her an ultimatum, go see the specialist or don't talk to me ever again. She went twice and told me "Therapy is not for me, they don't understand me". And once again the cycle repeats, she leaves, skips from place to place. Goes to the hospital again and i convince her to do some visits with me, so i can offer moral support if needed. She accepts. We do few sessions and then she leaves again for another place. The sessions stop. throughtout the sessions i was present, she never told the whole truth, only half, the one part who benefited her. She managed again to gain some prescriptions from the doctors but this time they are not what she wanted and begged the doctor to give her something more "powerful" as she can's sleep. To answer some question quickly before they're made, the doctor saw through the lies hence i didn't say anything in regard.
She's also been stopped at the airport abroad and went to prison because she was carrying drugs. She said it was just a small amount of weed for personal use but i very much doubt it. We were in a sense relieved, me and my parents, this would give her a chance to stop the drug abuse. It didn't. I suspect she had ways to get those inside too. She was released for good behaviour, went to a friend (still abroad at this point) who was willing to host her knowing what she went through. The first thing she did once out was again, get high. This said friend found her in a terrible state at his home and called me, told me that she loved her and wished that he could help her but he cannot have her at his house in this state, understandably so. This is a friend who helped her throughout all the time she was in prison. Visiting her and providing financial and legal help.
Throughout the whole ordeal, every time i visited my parents, this is where she stays when she's here, she was almost never sober. Lied through the teeth about it. But i know my sister, i knew her before she was an addict, i know her now that she is, when she's lucid she's still herself altough not as a brilliant person as she was before but you can see her true self. So i think i can tell if she's high.
Now all of this has put a extreme strain on my family relantioships, my parents whenever she's here can't get a night of sleep, my dad health is deteriorating fast. I find myself very reluctant to visit my parent because she's there.
The thing that made it all even worse: my dad on her last visit found her packaging small bags of drugs, clearly with the intention of reselling. Huge fight ensues, she tells my dad that he is "close minded" because he threw away the drugs and now she has lost a lot of money. This is not the first that she's been found with a huge amount of drugs. There was an instance where she got back from the frequent visits at the hospital where my dad found her in the bathroom with a bag that was probably around 0.2-0.5kg with a little cut on corner up her nose. But maybe because i was naive or because i didn't want to believe it, i decided to think that it was for her personal use. I now know that it wasn't.
This is when i decided to cut her off.
She recently returned from a trip abroad again and says she's been clean for 30 days now. I can't bring myself to believe her. She's said this before and said that she quit before but it turned out to never be true. I believed her, i believed IN her and i felt let down every time. I gave her an ultimatum, if she wants to have a chance to restore any type of relationship with me she has to accept to go to a community and follow the whole therapy.
I now left her on read and feel the most awful person but i can't keep going like this. I just can't. So AITAH?
Additional notes: I didn't write about what me and my family tried as it doesnt really matter. We tried everything, from what the doctors suggest to what we thought would have worked to threats. The only thing that my parents didn't do yet is kicking her from their home but i can see why they don't want to do that. She's lost most if not every friend she had.
How did we not notice before? She was clean when visiting home before, we only noticed when addiction got so bad that she couldn't keep herself clean for the few days she was visiting.
Sorry for the long post.
Edit: i noticed i didn't say anything nice about my sister as i was focusing on the negative but she did help me and the family in a significant and meaningful way throughout our life, i won't go into details but she's actually a good person in her heart. | NTA she needs to be sober much longer than 30days to have any chance at recovery. I am a child of 2 addicts. That behavior does not change in 30days. She has abused and broken your trust. Do not feel bad for cutting her out. There is absolutely nothing you or anyone else can do to help her if she does not want to help herself. |
AITAH because I called my brother in law out on facebook | I (34f) want to know if AITAH
Ok so about 3 years ago my fil (65m) died. He called my husband (36m) and told him that if he didn't get a kidney transplant that the Dr's gave him a week to live. He told us that he was choosing to die alone and to not come. He had always said he didn't want to be a burden in death and was going to go out in the wilderness and die there. He said he was going to find peace and that because this was how he was choosing to die that there would be no body to bury and no funeral to attend.
We cried, we grieved, we said our goodbyes.
Anyways like a week later we were told that he was gone. We tried calling him every now and again, even just to hear his voice mail, but after sometime passed his number went to out of service. After his passing all his social medias were taken down.
It was so hard for us but we have grieved and try to move forward in life.
Well about a year later BIL (40m) started messaging my daughter (12f). Saying her grandpa was still alive, sent pictures thay were old and over all was incredibly creepy given the context of FIL passing. BIL didn't try to message anyone but her, so I sent him a message to say as much but he never viewed it.
Anyways last night I was tagged in a post from BIL to say FIL was in the hospital for kidney failure. He had a week to live and within the same time as the last time he has passed away...again.
I'm so shocked. I don't know what to say. I don't respond to the post right away. I feel like im living my worst nightmare deja vu.
I think the original post had been up less than 24 hours and after seeing what he was referencing me in his post and I was tagged in it I decided to respond.
I said I was sorry to hear that he had passed and that he was grieving but I had already grieved him. I had already thought he had passed. If this truly wasn't a prank post then why hadn't we heard from him, why hadn't he visited or send a card? Why did he choose to let his grandkids believe he was dead if was alive?
Anyways he has blocked me. But AITAH for commenting on his post calling him out when he is grieving?
Wasn't | I certainly think you were right to ask for some clarification of all that. |
AITAH for telling my mom about something that I was told about by my dad? | I (22 F) and my dad was on the phone talking about how his girlfriends daughter wanted a new dog but she isn’t taking care of the one she has because my cousin let’s call her Maya posted about it and my dad said he didn’t know that Maya would have anything to do with the person or that side of her family.
Because let’s call them Mia and Fred have been talking crap about they Mamaw’s who has cancer who is my aunt well idk what they have been saying and I’m guess Maya doesn’t know either so ofc when I got off the phone with my dad I called my mom she’s at work.
So I asked her what time she gets off and then I said I don’t know if I should tell you now if it’s gonna make you mad or tell you after work cause I don’t know if it’s gonna make you mad or not and she goes. what is it? I said it’s about your sister I said aunt and her name but I’m not putting more names.
She told me if it’s about my sister. I need to know so tell me so I told that apparently Mia and Fred are talking crap about aunt name and that thy dint think Maya would be talking to them and my mom asked who told me and I told her not to tell dad that I told her just say she overheard it because idk what they said about my aunt but my dad said they was talking crap.
Also Mia is 13-14 and Fred is 14-15 so they are not just hearing it around the house they are talking about it to other people but anyways I feel like my mom needed to know that they are doing this.
So I told her because I’m not gonna keep that away from her, knowing that my Aunt is dying of cancer and they are talking crap about her.
So AITA for telling my mom I tried to tell her to wait til after work and got told no tell her now so I did what I was told and she is supposed to call my dad and ask about it? So AITA for telling her about it or do I do the right thing by calling my mom and telling her? | Well, I'm pretty sure this one isn't AI, folks. |
AITAH for telling my best friend that I'm sick of hearing about her boyfriend? | Throw away account but long time reader. My (35F) best friend Sarah (36F) has developed a new relationship with her boyfriend Adam (40M).
They're both divorcees and have children of their own. I've known Sarah since college and we've stuck like glue, her youngest son (5) and mine (6) are best friends. We've never really had a falling out in all the years we've been friends.
Sarah and Adam met less than a month ago and they've been inseparable since. He's always staying over, he's met her kids. It's very much in the puppy love stages and I'm honestly so happy for her that she's found someone who makes her happy.
However, I'm concerned it's moving too fast. Sarah had been married to her ex-husband for nearly 16 years and he was a total dick. So I can't blame her entirely for falling head over heels for a guy that worships the ground she walks on.
Sarah and I have booked a vacation together to celebrate her divorce finalisation, no kids, just a weekend away together to a comic con that's she's always wanted to go to but could never afford it but we decided to scrape enough money to get the tickets, travel and accommodation.
Here's where the issue comes in. Adam starts worrying that we'll "get into trouble" and suggests coming along. Sarah thinks this is a wonderful idea and asks me to adjust the booking. It's a one bedroom B&B with two single beds and I've already put the deposit down on the place.
Sarah is very open about her sex life, we always have been with eachother, putting it down to typical girl talk. Sarah, Adam, myself and a mutual friend all attend a gaming group, which we made a groupchat for the four of us to plan game dates. Now it's constantly just them two dirty talking, and I don't mean like a slide little dirty joke that everyone does, I mean the whole "this is what we're gonna do later" and it's honestly so uncomfortable.
Today, Sarah called me and asked if I could adjust the booking for Adam to come. I told her that I'm not really comfortable with Sam joining, as I don't really know him that well and if we plan something in the future then he's more than welcome to come along.
Sarah seemed pretty offended by this and asked why I didn't like him. This isn't the case, I don't dislike Adam, I just don't really want to be an awkward third wheel on a holiday that was just going to be a girls trip. We ended up arguing and I ended up telling her that I'm sick of hearing about her boyfriend, every topic rewinds back to him in some way. I feel bad, I know I should have came from a calmed and approached angle but I didn't want to upset her because she's happy.
She's done from "I hate men" to "he's my universe" in the span of a few weeks and it's honestly concerning. I'm happy that she's happy, I'm just cautious as I feel this is going too fast for someone she's known for a month.
So, AITA??
| NTA
Anyone who invites a third on a trip that is supposed to be just two is always the AH.
Honestly, I would have said something a lot sooner about the dirty talk in the GC, no one wants to hear that shit. |
AITAH for taking back an invitation for my brother and his girlfriend to stay with us because he told me his girlfriend has a criminal record? | My wife and I invited my brother, who I haven't seen in a while, and his girlfriend, who we haven't met yet, to stay with us for a week. During this week we would be able to catch up with him and get to know the girlfriend. All of us were excited and looking forward to it. Last week he called me and told me that he knew it was a stupid question but he just needed to "confirm" that it didn't bother us that his girlfriend had a criminal record.
This was the first I heard about any criminal record. My first question was why he didn't tell me before. He said he knew it didn't matter and I wouldn't care, but his girlfriend wanted him to "make sure." I asked what she did, and he told me that was personal. I said I was annoyed he waited so long to tell me and would like to know what she did.
He refused to answer and said it wasn't anything violent or anything I had reason to be concerned about. I asked if she stole something. He said no. I then asked him to clarify. So was this just a ticket? Did she go to prison? What's the severity range?
He told me none of that was any of my business, so I needed to stop asking. I said that I don't feel comfortable with her staying here anymore. If I had already met her, or if he was willing to give me more information, it would be different. With the current information, I'm not comfortable.
My brother was pissed and said he didn't even have to tell me, he only did because his girlfriend suggested it out of respect. I said she's right, if he hadn't told me that would have been disrespectful and duplicitous. He said that since she's right, I should let her stay. I said I would talk to my wife and get back to him.
My wife said NO WAY. She said we would minimum need to know the crime and have already met her before she would be comfortable with her staying in our home. I called my brother back the next day and told him. He said the case was a minor one, and she was charged for withholding evidence. My wife asked to know the details when I told her this, so she could look up the case. She wanted the county and girlfriend's last name.
When I called my brother Friday to ask for this info he was pissed. I said my wife just wanted to check to make sure what he said was true, and she wanted to know what she was withholding evidence of. He said we were being nosy and pretentious and looking down on his girlfriend for something outside of her control. He called us bigots.
I suggested that they just get a hotel, and we could host them for dinners but not overnight. He said no, that they would cancel their flights. I feel bad, and so does my wife. She tried to call my brother yesterday to smoothe things over, and he didn't answer. I'm stuck on what to do. I think only an apology and offer to stay would mollify him, but my wife is not comfortable with this unless she knows what sort of case his girlfriend was involved in. Are we being assholes? | NTA. What's surprising is your brother's girlfriend appears to care more about your comfort level having her in your home than your brother does. She's the one who pushed him to tell you she had a record.
However, his reasons for refusing to say *what* she was convicted of are unclear. Is the GF reluctant to say, or your brother? Both? Not coming clean just fuels speculation.
Your home, your call, either way. |
Aitah for not speaking to my dad or his partner anymore despite my siblings | I apologize for the length of this and I’m gonna do my best to be as clear and short as possible but some details are definitely important. I (21F) refuse to talk to my stepdad. So I guess let’s start back when it really started. In August of last year my parents split after 16 years of marriage. He swears he never cheated but he is with a new girlfriend ( who was in a committed relationship with mine and my parents good friend for two years and she cheated with my dad) this is only slightly relevant to the situation at hand. After the fact mine and his relationship was pretty rocky as I didn’t agree with the choices he made. I made the effort to reach out to him and tried to repair what we had. In my mind it was going okay. I still was upset about what happened but he’s been my dad since I was four and I didn’t want to lose that.cut to a week before Xmas. I don’t want to go into all the details but one night around 11pm I had to call him so we could go help out a family member he was the only option to help at the time and so he picked me up. All downhill from there, he was plastered. He was falling asleep swerving etc.,etc. I begged him to let me drive and he screamed at me to “get my sh** together”,that I was “the worst person to have in this situation”, offered to drop me off on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, and told me when we finished helping said person that he was done with me. Not to mention that his solution to the issue at hand was picking up more people (including minors) and taking them back in the car with him. We thankfully made it to our destination resolved the situation we came to resolve and I refused to ride back home with him. At Christmas the next week I spoke exactly two words to him and that was it. I have not and do not plan to speak with him again, but although my siblings have been told what he put me through they still spend time with him and talk to him. Am I the ah for cutting him off and not giving him another chance? Or should I be done with him and ignore the protests from other people? | NTAH drunk driving with you in the car is a seriously dangerous situation. You need to prioritize your peace and safety, putting up boundaries and having low/no contact with him is perfectly reasonable, don’t let anyone tell you what to feel when it comes to your relationship with your dad and how you respond to his behavior. Your siblings all have their own relationship and experiences with your dad, they might not understand the gravity of his behavior, but that doesn’t mean you should behave differently. |
AITAH for not “helping” him? | My bf (35M) and i (38F) have been together almost 3 years. Our whole relationship he has had issues where he confirmed from the beginning he would be seeking professional help for.
After a few months of dating, he would insist he needed time to do it bc of bigger issues he needed to handle at the time.
About a year ago, i asked him for his insurance info to help him find a suitable therapist to start out with some of the issues he had addressed with me. After a few days of not calling or reaching out to the therapist i spent hours finding specific to his issues, i told him that he would have to do it on his own when he was ready.
Since then, he has told me a handful of times that he needs to finally speak with someone but doesn’t make the effort to find anyone. I let him know this was a form of emotional manipulation and that to not inform me unless he calls and makes an appointment.
Well, today he finally found a therapist of his choosing and sent me the number to call and make an appointment for him. When I told him I would not be doing that, he accused me of not helping him when he is being vulnerable. Is this more manipulation or am i just callous bc of the back/forth of what’s happened with my previous efforts? | It’s manipulation. He’s a grown ass man and you are not his mother. |
AITAH for inviting friends over without telling my roommate who has OCD ? | Alright, dumb question tbf, of course I'm an asshole for not telling them sooner but here's what happened. I've been living with my friend and roommate for a few months now (we've known each others for a year). They have OCD, pretty wild OCD even. Having someone over at our apartment means they gotta touch nothing, sit on dedicated spot, etc. They are pretty good to be living around and I'm now used to this kind of stuff, not touching anything in their room, not picking up their laundry, not touching their food. It's alright, I'm all used to that and have no problem with respecting their boundaries.
Except, I failed recently. During lunch time at our university, two of my friends decided to accompany me while I ran some errands, because they needed to pick up something to eat. After doing said errands, I had to go back to my apartment so I could leave them here before going back to the university. Since my apartment is between the mall and the school, my friends were still accompanying me. It was pretty cold outside and I had to get food on my own so I decided to invite them over my apartment to eat. They didn't do anything crazy, just sat at the dining table, ate, left, that's it. But I know how bad this simple thing can be for people with OCD. I wasn't planning on hiding it to my roommate because I'm an honest guy. I knew they would take it very bad but I just didn't want to hide this. So I told them, and, of course, as I predicted, they were mad. They even criticised my friends and told me that I was crazy for inviting people over without even knowing if they were "safe". I knew I should have asked them for their consent to have my two friends eat at our house. I know this is bad, but at that moment, all I was thinking was that I was going to be rude by leaving my two friends to eat outside. I was just trying to be nice, but ended up sacrificing another precious friendship in the meantime :( now my roommate won't stop crying and thinks everything in the apartment is dirty. They were very, very mad. I apologised but they don't want to talk to me I think. Am I an asshole ? | This person should not be living with others. They also need serious help. And you are doing a disservice to yourself by making excuses for them.
ESH |
AITAH for not giving my mom my bank account credentials? | I'm 19M and I've opened a bank account recently. Now, my mom's been very controlling for a long time and wants me to share every personal information with her. I am against this idea. There should always be a boundary and I just don't wanna tell her everything happening in my life.
Now today, I had to set my debit card pin and my mom came and stood beside me suddenly, and I asked "What's up?" and she goes like show me your details. I just asked her why she needed to know that. She said if you're not at home and if I need the money then I can take that. First of all, that account barely has any money and why tf would I leave my card with you at the first place. It's not like I won't give you any money. I'm your son and I'll definitely help you in need. She shares every details of my life with my cousin and neighbours which I hate. Yes, neighbours are good but that doesn't mean you'll share everything with them. Now I explained all this and she goes like "Who raised you like ts and you've a sick mentality for not giving me your credentials". Like seriously?
AITAH?
(sorry bad english) | She is wrong and bad. Keep your account info private. If you have to you could open an account in a different bank/different name and location and do not tell her anything. Clearly you cannot trust her. Do not give her your new info. She is obviously intending to take your money for herself - selfishly, but also with NO RESPECT for you.
Sorry she is like this but you know it. Protect yourself. Please. Take care and know you DO NOT OWE HER EVERYTHING no matter what she says. Her behavior is destructive to you. You cannot trust her, but must maintain firm boundaries. She doesn’t sound like a fair person or someone you can trust. That does not make you a bad person. Don’t let her scare you or make you doubt yourself. Be calm and be string. Have courage. |
AITAH for not saying hi | Ok so first a little back story. My bf has a little girl who has recently started getting her hair braided. I love this little girl like my own. Her and her hair braider get along very well she comes over to our house and they play when they are done, she loves kids and I think that's great. Last time for some reason my bf ended up going to someone else to have her hair braided so the braider hadn't seen his little girl for a little while. Here is where things get interesting. 2 days ago I go upstairs and she is sitting in my living room and I am completely thrown as nobody told me she was here or that she was coming at all. Feeling a little weird about this I do what I need and go back downstairs to ask my bf what he didnt tell me she was coming its weird cuz little girl's hair is already done. He says " oh she just missed her and wanted to come hang out with her for a while, she said she wanted to come see her step daughter". At this point im like whoa okay and sort of let it go. I do what I need to do to get ready for work and she leaves saying goodbye to the kids and never saying a word to me. I think it is important to note that I have always been nice to her offered her food and drinks while she is over and tried to make conversation but I really only ever got 1 or 2 word answers. I figured she was shy or something and left it alone. Then recently I saw her at work and say hello sort of in passing and she looks at me looks away and keeps walking. Of course I ask my bf why she would be acting weird to me and he offers an excuse of well maybe she is having a bad day. So I let that go too. Then, I get a call yesterday from my boyfriend asking why I never said a word to her yesterday when I saw her upstairs. He is really mad at me said I embarrassed him and is acting like this is the end of the world. Like yes I guess I could have said hi but she really could have too I mean after all she was in my house. AITA??? | NTA - I find it a bit weird he refers to the hair braider as "her stepmom". That's.... Not funny? Like, this whole situation smells like the ocean because it's so damn fishy. |
Aitah for not trying in my relationship (according to my partner) | This one is going to be a bit long.
I 21f and my boyfriend 20m have been together for 3 years. Our relationship started off pretty good until I moved in with him and his family. His dad was and still is one of the most narcissistic and stubborn people that I met. He would always pick on me and my boyfriend would have to stand up for me because I felt it If I stood up for myself it would be disrespectful, it is his dad's house I wasn't trying to be in the way of anyone.
I kept to myself not trying to start any drama but my boyfriends dad would always find something that would start some shit and cause his daughter my boyfriends sister to literally be involved when it wasn't her business. She would attempt to fight me twice but failed to do so all because of some arguments between my boyfriend and his dad and it would be about me. Btw I had a job and I couldn't go back to Living at my parents because my stepdad is a pedo and my family sides with him so I try not to start any drama over there either. Me and my boyfriend ended up getting kicked out about a year ago (while I still had my job) all because his dad didn't like that I was sleeping in on a day off and it caused my boyfriend to argue with him and they started to get physical. My boyfriends sister comes home and my boyfriend takes what I think was a water bottle out of her hand and throws it at his dad telling him he favors his daughter more and she doesn't give two shits about him.
After he took the bottle out of her hand ( I was still minding my own business not trying to get involved evven though it was about me ) his sister comes over to our room door and grabs my hair. I kicked her ass and we ended up getting kicked out causing me to lose my job because I went to my step sisters moms house temporarily and it was far away. They had work early in the morning while I had to work in the afternoon so no one could take me to work I had to tell my boss I couldn't come in and he got mad about the whole situation and fried me. I ended up getting another job with my boyfriends cousin and we stayed with her for a little until she was making me work on days off and getting mad at me for not wanting to work with certain people then eventually kicked us out and i had to stay with my uncle and boyfriend stayed went back to his dad's for a few months until we got our own apartment/studio.
Now it has been 7 months since we have been living here and our relationship I feel is going down hill. I don't want to leave him because I do still love him deeply and we almost had our first child two years ago. Hes been telling me I haven't been trying enough to get another job when I have so many applications I've applied around within walking distance and where denied but he chooses not to see that. He also tells me that cleaning his apartment isn't enough because he's struggling to keep this place for us and also have food for us and our cats and I understand but I feel like he's not understanding that I'm trying to help, I'm trying to get a job, and I'm trying to keep myself stable as well because of all the bullshit we had to go through in 2024-2025.
I have therapy because of this and because he's been getting more mean and aggressive towards me like throwing things and threatening me. He tells me I should go back to my parents house when I can't go back over there because they fake want me back I'm not trying that. I tell him that he's a POS and is starting to act like his dad. I have also told him he should also get some therapy with me and he tells me that he doesn't care his mental health and that he doesn't need therapy when he clearly does need it I've tried to convince him multiple times to get therapy and he just won't do it for himself or for me. I've been at my lowest of low lately and I'm not sure if anything was my fault and everything replays in my head like some type of drama show I don't even know what to do anymore. I just need some clarification for myself.
So Aita. | Oh no, honey…run, just run.
You’re only in your 20s and he already been physical and aggressive with you? People can change, don’t get me wrong, but they need to WANT to change and he’s very direct about not seeing anything wrong with his behaviour. This can’t end well. *Maybe* someday he will wake up and become a better man, but you shouldn’t count on that. Believe him when he shows you who he is. Don’t waste your precious 20s on a guy like that. You deserve to be in a stable and loving relationship, not this.
NTA. But be smart and run. |
AITAH for „forcing“ my friend to break up with her bf? | Long story short: My friend(18) had a pregnancy scare and her boyfriend acted completely out of line so I(17) spoke up and she decided to break up with him and he and his friends along with some of me and my friends‘ mutuals are calling me jealous and lonely and whatnot.
For the sake of this story I’ll call my friend Tia and her bf Sheli
I have nobody to tell my side of the story to because I’m not about to air my friends‘ business to people who she didn’t share it to herself for her own reasons and I really just want to know wether I overreacted and made my friend break up with an actually good person.
Sheli is actually a REALLY nice guy, which is what made his recent behaviour seriously freak me out. I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know the guy well, I’ve talked with him like thrice only because my friend wanted me to meet him and because she hosted events where we both attended. Before this all happened I didn’t really have an opinion of him but from what Tia used to tell me he came over every day, bought her gifts, took her out to dates in cafes and restaurants, listened to her when she needed somebody to talk to and was overall very polite and gentle with her and listened to her concerns.
Now about his behaviour, basically:They were fooling around with no protection, and the next day Sheli texted her how he might have gotten her pregnant. This freaked her the FUCK out, for good reason and she immediately called me to talk about what happened and how her life was over and just a LOT of scared ranting. I calmed her down and after gathering the facts I told her shes just fine and not pregnant and to brush him off(I don’t wanna share the details but long story short, she was wearing pants the whole time and was in a follicular phase) but apparently he was ADAMANT she takes a pregnancy test or else he’d break up with her and in that same conversation told her that her paranoia was turning him off. My friend told me he apparently came over the same day(he has a spare key to her apartment) late in the night and forced her to take a pregnancy test in front of him and it came out negative but apparently this wasn’t enough for him and he told her it „might be a false negative“ which freaked her out even more. This guy kept stressing her out and I had to deal with the fallback of her stress rants because she was scared to talk with him about her concerns since he said it was turning him off. Anyway he proceeded to completely ghost her for an ENTIRE DAY afterwards and on the 5(?)th day he came over with morning after pills and peer pressured her into taking them. Not only was Tia COMPLETELY against taking any kind of pills, but she was also convinced at this point she was pregnant because he kept convincing her she was.
I told her to break up with him IMMEDIATELY and refused to even let her mention ANYTHING good he’s done cause now we’re talking about the present, not the past(so I may have made him sound a lot worse than he is) and after talking with her a few times she decided I was right and broke up with him. I was there when she invited him over(in case he decided to do something stupid, her parents are barely home) and now he’s convinced I was the one who told her to break up with him for no reason since he obviously wasn’t aware she told me about everything that was happening and chewed me out while he was leaving and has spread the idea that I’m a lonely and jealous bitch trying to ruin my friends life because I’m too ugly to get laid. Obviously my friend didn’t and won’t talk about why I convinced her to break up with him to others so they’re believing him.
It’s been a month now and she has her period, so no pregnancy. Maybe he was acting out of stress and not as normal and that’s why he came off so aggressive and instead of letting my friend choose how to deal with his behavior herself I chose for her?? I don’t think I’m in the wrong but then again maybe I was thinking what I would do not what’s good for my friend.
So AITAH for „forcing“ my friend to break up with her bf? | NTA. His behavior was coercive and abusive. Forcing someone to take unnecessary Plan B five days later? That's not stress, that's control. You didn't force anything, you gave your friend the reality check she needed. |
Am I wrong???? AITAH | Soooo I’m married. My husband has a daughter that just turned 14 years old today. He talks to her and does for her. Her mom is SORRY AF and dates a stud who is even sorrier. I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for us, she wouldn’t have had a Christmas. I’m not even going to make a big deal about how he goes out of his way to make sure she has What she wants, and doesn’t do the same for my daughter (which isn’t his) because I’m going to see to it that she has whatever she asks for. Anyway, so today I ask him is he gonna make it home because he’s a trucker. He says yea. So I ask him what he wants to eat today so I can know what to cook. At the last minute he says he’s going to take his daughter out to eat. Ok fine. No issue. Although I’m sure you knew this when you left for work this morning and didn’t mention anything of the sort. I do Shipt for work right now because I’m In School. So my hours vary. Whenever it’s busy, or decent orders available I work. So I’m debating if I’m going to work or not. He says, she wants me to come. I say, she told you that? He says “no, but she said she wanted a family dinner.” I say “what do you mean? Surely not with her mother and her girlfriend and their kids and all that. Because if she’s going, I’m not. I’ll just go to work. Turns out, that’s exactly what was meant. I told him I didn’t think that was ok. We are not one big family. This is someone who he was once intimate with. It’s her duty to celebrate with her daughter on her own time and vice versa when it comes to him. I just think that’s so ghetto and inappropriate. This isn’t a baby. This is a young lady. A 14 year old. So am I wrong to have this disposition. Please, give me some insight and answer this because it has me seething. I don’t even talk to my daughter’s father and she’ll be 14 in two months and I’m thinking about having a “family dinner” just like he did. Because wtf?!?! | Yes you are in the wrong. YTA. |
AITAH for thinking about letting someone new into my life while being a single mom? | A few weeks ago, someone new came into my life. I want to be clear that I haven’t crossed any boundaries or started a relationship, but this is the first person who has really listened to me and understood me without judging. He respects my child, accepts my past, and never makes me feel less than for being a mom. His words are kind, and his actions are thoughtful and caring. This makes me happy, but also scared, because for the first time in years, I feel safe, valued, and truly seen. My heart feels torn: on one side, I’m a woman who deserves love, respect, and emotional care; on the other side, I’m a mom who wants the best, safest, and most stable life for my child. Now I wonder: should I let someone new into my life who understands me, or should I stay a single mom for my child’s sake? I don’t want to replace anyone. I just want to understand if I am allowed to feel love again, or if my life should only be about being a mom. So AITA for thinking about giving someone new a place in my life while being a single mom? | 9 days ago you posted about your husband.
Now you’re dating a guy that came into your life a few weeks ago. Like, a few weeks ago you were posting about your struggles in your marriage with a new baby.
To be fair, I don’t believe any of your posts. They are written so…strangely. |
AITAH for ghosting my best friend after finding out what her parents said about my mom after my dad died? | I (26F) have been friends with L (23F) for over 10 years.
To give some background we met abroad when I was asked to show her family around our school, since we spoke the same language and they didn’t know English at the time. There’s obviously an age gap here, but even though we weren’t in the same grade our families got close (as expat families often do). Our parents became friends, throw a wider network of families both inside and outside the school and a small community was formed. Even after we moved to different countries, they stayed in touch and met up every summer back home.
L and I became truly close in college. We studied on different continents, so WhatsApp catchups were our thing. Over time we became best friends. We went through breakups, new relationships, moves, and major life changes together. When my father passed away, she called me every day for a month just to check in. I love her deeply for it.
After my father’s death, my family went through an extremely dark and traumatic period. Not only because of the grief, but because there was serious behind the scenes issues that caused a lot of damage. Trust was lost, bridges were burned, and we sacrificed two years trying to keep things from falling apart.
During all of this, L supported me constantly from wherever she was. My mom also kept L’s mom updated because they were close too.
Here’s where things got messy.
When things started to calm down, a mutual family friend (“R”), who is like a sister to both our mothers, on one of her visits pulled my mom aside and told her she needed to stop sharing details with L’s mom. R said that one night, L’s parents got drunk at her house and started saying disturbing things about my family.
According to R, L’s father (her mother agreed) said my mom was making things up, playing the victim, was exploitative, money hungry, etc. They criticized my parents’ relationship, and even said they “expected the boat to sink” that being our family and finances after my dad died. They implied my mom wasn’t capable, didn’t “deserve” what she has, because she didn’t have a science degree like them and basically spoke about her with contempt.
I know it can sound unbelievable, but R had first hand knowledge of what my family went through she knew it was real. She had helped us through a big part of it. We have no reason not to trust her, and telling my mom came with risk, since it could’ve caused conflict in the friend group.
There had also been a few signs that something was off with L’s mom even before all of this. For example L is in a relationship that both I and my mom already knew about because I obviously mentioned it to my mom. She loves L too. Yet her mother never brought it up to my mom. Instead she shared it with other people including R.
At the same time she would ask my mom very personal questions about my relationship. Details about my boyfriend, he’s career, he’s family and even our activities while fully pretending like L has nothing going on. In front of R too.
More generally, she often seemed judgmental or overly curious about my life. What I’m doing, how I’m acting, why I’m not working, etc. while rarely sharing anything about herself or her kids.
I also know she strongly dislikes L’s boyfriend something confirmed by both R and comments L has made in passing though I don’t think L fully realizes how intense her mom’s feelings about him are.
We’ve also tried to save her from her mom’s spirals in the past. General family shit but her mom can be a bit controlling at times.
When I found out, I completely shut down.
I haven’t confronted L, but I went no contact and basically ghosted her. Not because I don’t love her but because I felt so betrayed I couldn’t function normally. My mind spiraled. I started re thinking everything what if she told her parents private things I shared? What if she contributed to their judgement? What if she thought the same things as them? How could I trust her now?
I’m aware this is an avoidant pattern I have when I feel threatened. It’s cold and unfair and hurtful and I’m working on it in therapy. But when I hit a certain point, I just shut down instead of dealing with confrontation. I’ve lost friendships this way before.
I know it’s wrong, but I’ve yet cracked how to fix it.
L has tried to reach out. She’s clearly hurt. I ignored her. Her mom also asks about me sometimes, and my mom has said I’m still healing and need time.
L’s mom still asks very personal questions about my boyfriend and I, without sharing anything about L which makes both my mother and I uncomfortable.
The truth is I miss my friend and want to rebuild, but I don’t know if it’s possible after hearing what her parents said. I also don’t feel like I can tell her the real reason, because it would expose R and betray her trust.
So AITA for ghosting her? And how do I fix this if I even can?
EDIT:
Thank you for the feedback and for being kind even with the hard to hear parts. I wanted to clarify a few things based on the comments:
Why are R and my mom still in contact with L’s mom? R lives abroad and when she visits she makes the rounds with everyone, so suddenly cutting contact would raise alarms and could lead to confrontation. My mom has mostly pulled away. Contact is limited to occasional group messages (birthdays/holidays/memes) in a group chat or brief meetups when R is in town.
Did R stick up for us? Yes. She told us she pushed back during those conversations. The drunk one was the worst, but L’s father is extremely stubborn and she eventually disengaged to avoid a bigger blowup.
Do I know if L shared private things about me with her parents? I don’t know exactly how much she shared, but I assume some things were, since we’re both close with our moms. I’ve also noticed moments where L’s mom seemed to know more than my mom had told her.
But I shared things too with my mom? Yes I’ve also spoken to my mom about L at times. I usually ask L for permission before sharing anything big, but I’m aware I’m not completely innocent here
Does L know her parents said these things?
I genuinely don’t know if she knows and to be clear, I’m not blaming L for what her parents said. My hurt and anger is directed at her parents, not her that’s clear to me now. It’s possible she’s heard some of these opinions at home, but I have no proof and many of you are right that without proof I can’t assume that.
Why haven’t I told L directly? I’m not supposed to know about the drunk conversation. R told my mom in confidence and I don’t want to breach that trust or put words in anyone’s mouth. I also don’t want to create more damage by dragging her parents into it directly, since that could permanently complicate things for her.
Why did I ghost? After everything my family has been through including other betrayals involving family at the first sit of betrayal I shut down and defaulted to an avoidant response. That’s not an excuse I understand ghosting was unfair and I should’ve communicated.
L was one of the few people I didn’t have to filter myself with. I want things to go back to how they were, but right now my brain is struggling to separate her from what I learned about her parents.
I miss my friend and I’m planning to reach out soon to apologize for disappearing and explain that I pulled back because I was overwhelmed and hurt, without dragging her parents into it.
Thanks you for the ideas on how to reach out and what to say!
As someone said it could be the first step to healing my pattern and I’m choosing to see it that way. | You said it yourself. It’s not fair to your friend.
Her mom might be a terrible person (which has likely been awful for L her whole life), but L has never once given you a reason to doubt her.
Your worries are understandable, but unfounded. Until you know L has participated in the gossip/slander/judgement, you are the AH for treating her this way.
You need to issue a huge apology. You need to share your feelings (not as excuses), acknowledge that what you did what wrong, and ask her forgiveness for hurting her.
Find a way to set boundaries. Say your family heard something hurtful about them, and that you can trace it, but have decided to protect your privacy more with everyone. |
AITAH for not wanting to have the heat turned up for my roomate's health? | I'm in school right now, and have 5 roomates, we've been living together since September. Around November, fights started happening around the thermostat. We would find the heat at 75 or 80 degrees when it wasn't even below 0 outside (for context, we live in Canada. Yes, winters can be pretty extreme, but I'm used to living in 70 or 65 degree weather while indoors.
My one roomate, I'll call her Rose, kept turning the heat up, and we kept having to talk to her about putting it down. During all this, my other roomate, Gina, never said anything.
Now, most of us left for winter break, and when we came back earlier this month, the heat was PAST 80. It was barely below 0 outside. Our first few nights back were sweltering and I couldn't fall asleep, legitimately I was staying up hours past when I tried to go to bed, with my window wide open, wearing a tank top and shorts, no blankets, SWEATING.
A few days ago I texted the gc saying it was way too hot, I couldn't sleep, and if we could keep the heat at 70 I'd appreciate it.
A few hours ago, Gina came up to me and asked if we could put the heat at 75. She said she's had super serious health problems because of how cold it's been in the house (70 degrees), having phlegm in her throat, and has to take medication because of it.
I really don't see how having the heat at 70 is causing her to die, but having it at 75 suddenly solves everything. If it was up to me, I'd put it at 60 or 65 every day, so 70 was us compromising.
I understand she's cold, but she can put a sweater and blankets on--when you're hot, after wearing basically nothing and opening your window, there's nothing more you can do. But am I a b-word for wanting to turn the heat back down when its apparently causing so many health problems for her??
TLDR: roomate says having the temp at 70 is giving her major health problems and insists on turning it up--I'm way too hot every night and can't sleep. | NTA
But sounds like you need to find new roommates before next winter.
I cannot stand the house being above 68 during the day (and that’s even pushing it for me) and it’s down at 60 at night just so I can sleep. I get major health issues having it too warm.
Edited to remove a random word that didn’t belong |
AITAH for telling my family about my mom using Ozempic | Hey there!
This happened at Christmas and I just can’t seem to let it go so I thought some judgement on the internet might help make up my mind lol
So a little backstory:
I (f, mid 20’s) have always been kind of chubby, did all kinds of dumb diets as a teen but could never seem to keep the weight off for long. The same goes for my mother (f, late 50‘s), but she‘s the kind of mom who would always criticize my looks, my skin problems and weight especially - I think (sadly) a lot of people here know the kind.
I was never morbidly obese or anything, could always move most ways other people do and keep up with my friends on hikes and stuff and my labs always showed I was healthy (though I don’t want to downplay the effects of obesity, just for context) while my mom was a bit bigger than me and obviously as a woman who‘s almost 60 not as mobile.
Last year I randomly got facial paralysis and had to take cortisol for treatment: since I didn’t want to gain to much weight I started to really get into meal prepping, sugar alternatives and all that fitness stuff from Instagram. Since I didn’t really have anything to do (my eye hurt all the time from not being able to blink and I was on sick leave) I also started working out a bunch. While it’s been harder to keep up with all those habits I did really change my lifestyle even after the paralysis went away. Sadly though, I didn’t lose any weight, which I brought up to my new OBGYN (I moved towns a couple of months before) and she tested me for pcos and insulin sensitivity, which I got. She prescribed me metformin which helps with the insulin resistance and I also adjusted my workout plan accordingly. It’s been tough and slow at times but I lost \~15kg that year.
Now, when I went to my GP for the metformin (which she also takes) I took my mom with me and i brought up that she probably also has/had pcos cause she also struggled with missing periods, getting pregnant and her weight, which is when he brought up ozempic as a treatment for her (she is diabetic now, so insurance covers it for her in our country). I told her to talk to my brother about it, cause he‘s also a doctor but that it probably would be great for her mobility, as she became a grandmother not too long ago (my niece).
We never talked about it again until my dad let it slip in conversation that she’d been on ozempic for a couple of months, but immediately said that she doesn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t really think too much about it then, it’s her right to be private about her medical records and stuff but I did find it weird that he said my brother didn’t know.
Now fastforward to Christmas, when we (mom, dad, grandparents and my dads sister) were all visiting my brother (who lives a couple of hours away) and him and his wife commented on how great I looked. My brother‘s a super sporty guy so we connect a lot about that in our calls but we hadn’t seen each other in a while so it must’ve been a surprise for them. My mom immediately cut in and told them that it probably wasn’t that much and how she lost that much in like half a year already and how she‘ll probably have lost more than me in 6 months. Weird, but not surprising, she likes being the center of attention.
At dinner she did the typical older-lady thing of only eating a little and saying she‘s so full and blah but then started commenting on me getting a second helping (I‘m still counting calories and did stay in my deficit) and how I don’t want to gain all the weight back. And then at desert (which she refused) she said that me eating sugary stuff like this is probably the reason I‘m losing weight so slowly while she‘s dropping pounds so fast and I just snapped and told her „Well, it’s kind of hard when you don’t inject yourself with a liquid eating disorder.“
I felt terrible the moment I said it, because the way I phrased it was super mean. I think Ozempic is a valid way to lose weight, \*especially\* for people like my mom who do not have time or energy to go to the gym and I HATE when people claim it’s a cheat code or whatever. But I feel like she made it a competition and was purposefully hiding how she was taking weight loss medication while downplaying all my achievements.
She got super mad and said that she didn’t want to tell anyone and how I was a terrible person for this and how I even knew - which then started a fight with my dad - and then fell into some old patterns of accusing me of ruining Christmas on purpose.
We‘ve had a lot of problems when I was still living with them which improved once she got meds for her neurosis and we didn’t have as much contact anymore, so this was the worst fight we had in a couple of years.
I feel super shitty about spilling something she didn’t want anyone to know and throwing my dad under the bus (he mentioned it on accident) but then other times I feel like she deserved it.
She‘s still mad and we haven’t spoken much since then. I think I’m being stubborn because I told her I would apologize for telling everyone at Christmas dinner if she apologized for commenting on my eating all evening, which she refuses.
My dad was upset for exposing his mistake and my brother and his wife didn’t say much about it but I figure they’re annoyed with both of us for bringing bad vibes to Christmas.
So, AITAH? Should I just apologize? | Ok...I view this as you finally snapping. Her recent comments being the straw that finally broke the camel's back. Yes you *can* think it is valid and is also a cheat code...not all cheat codes are bad. There is no reason for me to punch a calculator multiple times when a simple Excel formula would do.
If she does not want people to know perhaps she should lay off commenting on how other people look. Its great she is getting results and looking great. Does not give her the right to bring you down. I am going NTA here... |
AITAH for calling my husband a heartless monster | Hi everyone I 34f have 4 kids and I had the fourth last year in early December 12.
I was 40weeks when I went into what I thought was labour, when my husband 40m (Brandon) and I got to the hospital we were told it was a false alarm, this was on the 11th around 7am. Then this happened again and this time I waited it out then went again and it was another false alarm, this was around 2pm. The third time Brandon took me, they told me I was 3cm dilated and should go home then come back when contractions are 2mins apart, and this was at around 10pm.
On the 12th at 2am I could feel more pain but Brandon was asleep. I decided not to rush to go to the hospital yet Incase it's still too early. I woke him up so he could help but he said it's probably another false alarm. I wasn't waking him up to take me to the hospital but just to put pressure on my back, I had reallyyyy bad back labour that would radiate to the front if you understand me. He told me to sleep it off and we will go to the hospital in the morning. By 8am I was doubled over in pain and could barely talk, Brandon was STILL in bed. He got up and had his breakfast at 9am, he told me maybe I'm still not that dilated and should wait it out. He called his mom and he says the last time I was checked was on the 11th at 10pm and I was 3cm so I should wait it out cause labour progresses slow at times. At 11am I called my sister to watch pur 3 kids then I forced him to take him to the hospital and guess what, I was 8cm dilated. At the hospital he was on his phone the whole time and even ordered food for himself. I had our beautiful baby girl at 1pm.
After we settled and got cleaned up, I got to rest. I berated him and told him he was unfair and insensitive to my labour. He told me "This isn't our first child you should know how things go.". I went IN on him and even went as far as calling him a heartless monster who slept or at least pretended to while his wife was in pain. His mom was busy telling him it's just postpartum hormones and he shouldn't react. I told him he could go try for a son elsewhere. Yes we have four daughters. I live with my elder brother now and will try to get into the workforce. He keeps calling and texting, his mom called me dramatic. His father called and was very nice up until he told me to stay for our kids, he said I should understand that men do not get this labour thing and my husband is sorry.
I feel like he resents the facts that we have another daughter and I feel disrespected. Everyone keeps saying stay for the kids and that I have no job so who will take care of me. My brother said all I should focus on is my daughter and he will take care of the rest.
AITAH for insulting my husband, his mother says I took things too far. I told him it is over. I know I should have left a long time ago and I stupidly realize only now, I do regret that. Am I overreacting or is this the right thing?? | You left your husband over this and want to get divorced.
This is already beyond our paygrade, if this is even true. |
AITAH for posting my availability on LinkedIn after being stalled for a promotion twice? | I work at XYZ in Accounts Receivable. In August, I informed HR and my Director that I'll be earning my MS, and I'd like to pursue a raise or promotion, given that a co-worker of equal tenure and less educational background was given Senior in July/August.
I was informed to finish the MS, and to check back. I did so, and was told in November to remain patient, that no position was available at the time, and that changes were fluctuating within the Finance department broadly. I was not pleased with this conversation, and advertised on LinkedIn with the #OpenToWork post feature. I posted this again about 3 weeks later in mid-December.
In late December, a 13-year experienced coworker left the department, opening a Senior position. Unadvertised, Finance gave the position to a girl in Accounts Payable with no cross training experience, less tenure, and less educational qualifications.
Having met with HR today, I was told that while she'll check to see if any performance related issues exist with my Director/VP about me, I am seen as unloyal to the company due to my LinkedIn behavior. AITAH? | NTA, but you know what the score is now. You're not going to get promoted. |
AITAH for not leaving my Dnd group? | I (26M) and a night owl and love to play dnd so fu\*\*ing much (Idk if I can curse here or not) and with a group of friends over Discord, each one of us lives in different countries btw. We’ve been playing together for over a year now, and when we have sessions it usually lasts 4–6 hours. We start around 10pm and usually go until about 4am. This happens once a week, and sometimes twice if everyone manages to line up schedules. My gf (23F) and I don’t live together. She goes to sleep early usually no later than 11:30 PM so when I’m playing D&D, she’s already asleep. I’m not ignoring her during that time we wouldn’t be talking anyway. Our work schedules don’t align well. She works from 8am to 3pm, and I work from 1pm to 8pm, so during the week our overlap is limited. That said, when I have a day off, I make sure to spend it with her and focus on us. Why and I giving this info? Well recently she told me that she feels like I’m choosing dnd over her and asked me to leave the group I am playing with so we could spend more time together, she told me she doesn’t mind staying awake till 1 or 2am for me. I told her I wasn’t going to do that, I love my friend group I play with and yes maybe I do possibly annoy her when we meet up telling her about what happened in our last session like a child. But dnd is one of my main hobbies and social outlets, and since we only play once a week (occasionally twice) and during hours when she’s asleep, it doesn’t feel like it’s cutting into our time together. I also explained that when I’m free during times we can overlap. Now she feels like I’m not putting her first, and I feel like I’m being asked to give up something important to me despite already trying to balance both. Now I get the silent treatment and dry texts from her.
So AITAH for refusing to leave my D&D group? | NTA
You have the right to have a Hobby.
You don't have to spend every spare free moment with her. |
AITAH for throwing away a baby’s dummy I found on the floor at work? |
I (F 22) work in a food retail environment.
Last night while cleaning the floor at the end of my shift, I found a baby’s dummy lying on the ground. It was dusty and clearly had been stepped on. Because I work in a food setting and the item was unhygienic, I threw it in the bin.
Today, a woman came in asking if anyone had found a dummy. I (probably foolishly) admitted that I had found one. When she asked for it back, I explained that I’d disposed of it for hygiene reasons.
She became extremely angry, saying it was her property and that I had no right to throw it away. She demanded a replacement dummy. When I said we couldn’t provide one, she asked for a manager and continued to shout.
While my manager was dealing with her, I was sent on my break. The woman then insisted that I should use my break to go to a nearby shop and buy her a new dummy myself, since I was “the one who lost it.”
She is now emailing head office to complain.
so, AITAH? | NTA it was left behind and was dirty, I'm not sure why she'd expect you to keep it for her. |
AITAH for calling my mum a hypocrite and exploding at my dad? | Hi, this will be a long one because I feel like context is necessary.
I (26F) have been working away the last week due to the snow that fell in the UK so I decided to stay closer to work because of my shifts. While away, apparently my mum (50F) caught my sister (20F) smoking vapes and uncovered that this has been happening for a couple of months. I found this out yesterday when my mum recounted the conversation to me, essentially how she called my sister out, said she was disappointed in how she kept it hidden and then laid into my sister about her lifestyle and how she’s not looking after herself. My sister had always had a problem with her thyroid and hormones, this wasn’t an issue till she was 18 and her doctors visits backed less frequent because she turned into an adult. Since then my sister has gained a bit of weight, it’s noticeable it’s not a huge amount. Anyway, my sister is at uni, she goes in twice a week and is at work 3-4 times a week too, she goes out with friends and her boyfriend and when she has a day off she is either out or in her room chilling or napping. My mum said my sister is using her thyroid problem as an excuse for being tired and gaining weight.
Back to the point, my mum said she expressed being unhappy with my sister’s lifestyle and then equally told her how unhappy she is with mine too and that because the whole topic. She’s unhappy with me drinking energy drinks, she’s unhappy with me sleeping as much as I do, how I barely eat and I’m not looking after my weight either. I too have gained a bit of weight since being a teenager, I usually wear a size L to XL while being 5’6. I also have PCOS that I’m trying to get under control and I still kind of don’t understand it. My mum went on that she’s 50 but eats healthy, goes to the gym and has just completed a hyrox this last weekend - she does do all this stuff and we are really proud of her. When she said all of this, it upset me but I didn’t say anything for a while and left it for a few hours to gather my thoughts.
The thing is, I know she was coming from a place of love and care but it came across as shameful, judgemental and quite hypocritical honestly. When my mum was my age and until much later on, she was smoking like a chimney, barely ate healthy, would drink regularly and only started intermittently working out when she gained weight after quitting smoking. In the last 10 years she worked out for a couple of years, then stopped for a couple more and only in the last year had she started regularly gone to gym classes.
While she’s right, I have been gaining weight slowly over time, it’s not like I haven’t been trying to get rid of it, I’ve have an online training coach who I worked with for many months, I followed his instructions but I struggled to make it work with my job at the time (I would work in a children’s care home and for 4 days I’d live there, sometimes it was hard to do the workouts when things were kicking off, and follow the diet when we all ate as a group (yes I tried bringing my own food in and eat separately) I did try. After a while this was really draining my account out and so I stopped. I also worked with a PCOS dietician that my mum knows, again super expensive, and it worked for a while but then we went travelling for 5 months. While there, I ate really well and according to the dietician’s recommendations, we would walk everywhere, my step count was incredible and still I gained weight.
After thinking over what I wanted to say, I told my mum that what she said really upset me, I emphasized that I’m not disagreeing with her, I could be doing more for my health and should really not be drinking energy drinks (I have one once in a while, I have spells of having a few more often but it’s not a regular purchase) I feel like she could have said it in a nicer way and lead with love, instead it came across as judgmental, shameful and hypocritical bearing in mind what her lifestyle used to be. I said that I’m proud of her and her lifestyle choices and I appreciate how much she cares but I feel like shame isn’t the right way to go about it. My mum immediately got defensive, saying maybe she had no filter but said she is my parent a no other person, not even a friend, would tell me the god honest truth and frankly she feels like I’m just using excuses. She said she didn’t mean to upset me but the reality is that when she was my age, she really didn’t have to worry about her weight so she just had the lifestyle that she did - she said she used to walk everywhere until she was 30 and got her driving license (fair but so did I till I got mine), said she always used to bike places (barely, I can’t recall her on a bike during childhood) and she used to walk around with her friend (true, she did do that when I was a kid). She said she feels like I’m using my PCOS as an excuse, so is lack of time and lack of money. I started crying, I feel like she called me lazy.
Since the end of the pandemic (which is when I gained weight and when I got my PCOS diagnosis) I went straight into working in a school and then in care with children - while there I was working 200h a month and would work with violent children. Off days would be taken recovering mentally and trying to catch up on house work and working on my Level 3 qualification which took two years. In the meantime I bought my house, became an expedition leader she would lead month long trips to various countries and we went on our 5 month long travel trip, I also did my ESOL qualification. Since we have come back in Feb last year, we (me and my fiancee (27M)) have been living at my parents house and deciding what’s next - we were supposed to go back out to travel Australia but my tenants (I rented the house out while travelling) stopped paying rent and I was footing the bill. We made the decision that we can’t go travelling and started the process of legally kicking them out which took from April to October. In the meantime I have been at work and leading more expeditions. Since October we have been renovating this house after the tenants left it in a state and this is where all of our money and time has been going to. I started a new job in care again in November and have again been working 200h a month with shifts that are 16h long. If I’m not there I’m at the house painting or renovating. While I’m typing this out I keep asking myself, am I lazy?
Admittedly I do have days where sometimes I just am in my room and in bed, I’m an overthinking and struggling to recharge, like I need to just be left alone and in silence, ideally home alone, to recharge just a bit, which is tricky when we’re living with my parents and sister. I can see why she might say it’s lazy but I just need to recharge a bit, my job is mentally straining, the house is taking a lot and it’s all been a lot. On top of this, my fiancee hasn’t had a job since August since he led his last expedition - he has worked here and there but has focused on finding the right job for him, which meant using up his savings. He is waiting for the start date but his savings have now melted and I’ve been covering our house bills the last two months, I’ve picked up extra shifts and I’ve been at the house - we are so close to moving back in.
When I told my mum that if we stayed living in their town I would have bee going to the gym with her but we won’t be for long but I can’t afford it (she pays £200/month for her gym classes and like I say, all my money has been going towards the house). She immediately snapped and said that’s no excuse, I came home from work (from a 36h shift (two full days on)) and it’s 19:00 and I could go for a walk. True I guess but I’m knackered. And that’s where my dad (51M) chimed in and started saying how he doesn’t understand why mine and my sisters generation is so tired all the time, that when they were our age, they’d come back from work and hang out with people or so something, and we just get tired and do nothing (not entirely accurate but sure).
I started seeing red. Me and my dad used to have a great relationship growing up but in the last couple of years I lost a lost a lot of respect for my dad, when we were little he used to borrow money behind my mums back and go into debt, my mum would always bail him out and pay his debts out. This has repeated, every couple of years me and my sisters would come home to screaming and shouting that he borrowed money again (even if he didn’t need it) and divorce was on the table. The most significant one was 4 years ago, he borrowed £10,000 and my mum kicked him out and they weren’t together for a year. Over that time my mum flourished, started taking travel trips, looked after herself and glowed. He would weasel his way back in, making promises but not really keeping them, he went to an addiction therapist and somewhat changed but didn’t really change his habits (the money issues always came from his renovation business and him trying to people please but it would backfire on him and cause him to lose money - he would then lie, try to cover it up, get found out but not really take any steps to be better with money. Recently all of this had come to the surface for me, I spoke to him on many occasions honestly that I am hurt that those were his choices and he’s not doing much to build trust with my mum and us, that he knows our relationship is strained but hasn’t done anything about it and he should do a course for money management. Every damn time I said something it has fallen on deaf ears and his excuse is time and money - so when he chimed in, I had enough. I though to myself „How dare he act all night and mighty when he himself has a lot to work on?”
He continued talking about issues with our generations, I know I said a few words, I can’t remember what they were, I know he said „you’re 26 and you don’t ….” And I just exploded, I started shouting that he is 51 years old and is the biggest hypocrite of us all, that he has no independence skills and does not care about how his choices affect anyone else. I told him how dare he act high and mighty when he just thinks about himself and his optics to others, that I told him how I feel he doesn’t care for our relationship 6 months ago and he said he’s try to work on it and he hadn’t done a single thing. I told him I love him but I don’t respect him. I started going upstairs and turned around and told him I hate him for the fact that he didn’t prioritize the family over what others thought of him and he didn’t think about how his actions will affect me and my sister. (My sister had trust issues and thinks that if someone is too nice then it’s just a facade and will do something hurtful, like our dad being so nice and yet borrowing money and getting in debts)(I am overly cautious with money and have a really bad relationship with it, I also feel the need to save money because if my mum was to pass away, who else would have to bail him out? I know he’s an adult and should receive consequences for his own actions, that said he has been in with the wrong crowds before but he’s also just my dad).
Ive never ever spoken like this to my dad, ever. I feel so much guilt and shame. I know it’s not my fault for the trauma my dad caused and it’s my responsibility for how I deal with it and trust me and dealing with it but it came out before I could stop it.
THE THING IS I KNOW THEY CARE, I really do and it’s coming from a place of worry but this entire situation made me feel worthless, like all the other things I’ve accomplished (I’ve always been driving to keep accomplishing more and kot stop learning) and done do not matter because I’m heavier. Like all the other ways I care for myself do not matter. It’s stuck in my head that my mum is judging me, thinking I’m fat and lazy. I haven’t felt like this since I was a teenager and living with my parents, I moved out pretty quickly after university because this is how I’d been feeling constantly because my mum throwing judgement was a consistent part of my teenage hood and early adult life.
I have suggested family therapy many times, it’s not something my parents are willing to do.
I keep thinking am I the a-hole? After all besides this my parents are great, they are supportive, they’ve let us live with them for a long time, they’ve helped with the renovation and everything had been fine. Did I over react? Am I being ungrateful and the a hole? | You’re working yourself ragged your fiancé doesn’t have the luxury to be waiting for the right job. He needs to get any job. You’re shouldering a lot right now. The first thing you need to do cut your hours. Your fiancé gets a job and start pulling his weight. |
AITAH - Ive (32F) changed what I initially wanted with my husband (33M) | Married 8 years together 10. Initially I was on the trad wife wave, said to my husband I’d like to be home with the kids be a home maker but once we had kids. We’re both quite ambitious people.
Had our first baby in 2023, second 2025. Unfortunately I had quite bad PPD which required a hospital admission for about 2 months. Since then I’m going back and forth with myself about going back to work. I only work 20 hours - 2.5 days (.5 I’d do from home) AND my job I’m retuning to is easier - the ward I covered before had 14 beds, now there’s like 8. I keep thinking it would be good to go back, for my own confidence building (lost all of it in the PPD) and to just have some of my own identity back.
AITAH if things change? I get it, I’m not following through what l said I wanted - but 10 years and 2 kids later things are different. | Youre allowed to change your mind. What a crazy thing to ask. People change their minds all the time. You don't have to stick with something you wanted 10 years ago. NTA |
AITAH for not telling my ex best friend my mom died? | For context this was a person my for lack of a better term best friend for over 10 years. It all started when her mom died last year and I attended the funeral. Things felt a bit off and I thought I was just imagining it. We spent the night before the funeral on a 3 hour long video call. It was to distract her and she still thanked me for talking about everything but burying her mom the next day.
Flash forward to the funeral I kept hearing people talk about her being married and pregnant. I thought I misheard and maybe people were saying that is what her mom wants but its not the actuality., Turns out she was married and 5 months pregnant. I had no idea. I was in shock. We had always been in constant communication, and not just that we saw each other regularly.
This was bizarre and I didn't want to gaslight myself by thinking I did something wrong to deserve not being part of happy things like marriage and a baby. I literally spent 3 hours on a call with her less than a day ago and she could have slipped that in. I left the funeral, blocked her everywhere and decided I need to guard my mental health. This person was part of my life and my family's too, I came home and told them and not to ask me anything because I have no answers to her treating me this way.
My own mom's health was not too good and she sadly passed away a few months later. Before my mom died this ex best friend turned up at the front gate , baby on the hip asking for my bank details. She owes me no money and I sent her away. I could have let her come inside let us meet her child and she could see my mom one last time before she passed \*they had a good relationship\* but I sent her away politely and closed the door.
I briefly entertained light self-gaslighting that maybe she didn't want a queer woman like myself around her married life but stopped myself as I have many straight friends with kids who have no issue with me being gay. I have no desire to ever rekindle anything ever.
She is poison, but am I the asshole by not letting her see my mom and letting her know in some way she passed away? | Why in the world would she ask for your bank details if she was there to see your mom? Doesn’t seem like your mom was a priority for her. Put it and her out of your mind for good. |
AITAH for refusing to move abroad with my boyfriend? | Hi everyone, I'll be using fake names for anonymity. I'm wondering if I'm really an asshole. My friends and family say no, and that I should take things at my own pace, while his side says I'm a traitor. My boyfriend, Dustin, and I have been together for two years. We live in a country where men are currently banned from leaving the country, but recently they allowed guys under 22 to leave. Dustin decided to take the opportunity and leave before his birthday (he's 21 now).
He'd always dreamed of living outside our country, and now the opportunity to leave arose, but it had to be done quickly. I, on the other hand, had never thought about moving to another country, so this news caught me off guard and I wasn't prepared for it. I said from the start that I wouldn't go with him. I want to explain why. Yes, I want to live with him and I see a future together, but moving isn't very convenient for me right now.
He already has an education, and everything he had in this country (an inheritance, a house, anything to which he could be attached morally and legally) is gone due to some problem, and it's absolutely not his fault. He can safely go and find himself and a new life somewhere else. I, on the other hand, have all of this, and I don't have a completed higher education in my specialty. We’ve been studying for four years, and I've already completed almost three. Why should I leave university when I'm so close to my goal? This is the main reason. I'm also not ready yet, both mentally and financially. I don't want to go to some unknown place and live in some shelter, understand. And I don't want him to live there like that, but it's easier to figure out for one person, considering I'll be supporting him financially, and that's my desire.
After some discussion, I decided to go with him in January. I'll transfer to distance learning and somehow manage my life there. For a month, we both lived with the thought of me going, but every day I wondered if I really needed it. I'm absolutely not against moving. I believe you should try everything in life and better explore your various options. I'm ready to do that, but not now, because my main concern is my university. My major won't yield any results from distance learning; we need practical experience, and I won't have it there.
It would be simple if it were just a matter of practicality. I've lived in one city my whole life and never wanted to live anywhere else. My whole life is here, this is my home. And I don't really see myself living abroad. I'm afraid to make such a decision, even though I understand it's worth it, but I would be comfortable staying here. And staying here would mean breaking our relationship, because his dream is completely different. We have a lot in common, shared interests and goals, and we work in the same field. However, such discrepancies worry and baffle me.
So for a week I kept saying I didn't know if I was going to go, and I honestly couldn't decide. We finally came to a compromise, and I'll move in six months. He'll already have a place to live and a job there, and while I won't graduate, I'll have sorted out my other issues, transferred to distance learning, and mentally prepared for the move.
And after these decisions, Dustin started saying that he feels like I betrayed him and left him alone. His mother says that I'm a traitor and that in my place she would do everything to leave with a boyfriend, and my parents don't understand what love is and are doing everything to make me break up with Dustin (in fact, this is not true, they are just old-school and sometimes don't understand our sleepovers with Dustin (I'm 19, he's 21), and they just want me to put my interests above someone else). Now tell me your opinion, am I an asshole and a traitor for my decision. I myself can't understand, because on the one hand, I understand Dustin's feelings, and that he will be lonely there, especially when I kind of decided that I'm leaving. But on the other hand, I don't understand why they make this situation the end of the world, calling me a traitor purely because I want to do what I think is right for myself and at my own pace, without giving up on my partner and loving and helping him.
Update: I'm grateful to everyone who responded to my post and for your kind words. I'm convinced that I'm not guilty of anything and their judgment is pointless. I'll deal with my boyfriend, because there are so many positive things in our lives. I'd like to ask everyone not to insult people or make them out to be assholes based on just one fact about them, not knowing who they really are. After all, anyone can make a mistake or accidentally offend someone. I wish everyone all the best.🫶 | **EDIT**
NTA
I would NOT move overseas with a person I wasn't married to.
You could leave & they you'd both break up. |
AITAH for talking to someone that is mad at me | So, background I (M16) and ex-friend (F15) who we'll call A had a big falling out over something. So freshman year of high-school we were really close and I thought of A as my best friend. Then during summer break I was on a Discord call with A and another friend, and this other friend after some joking around said "This is why we all hate you." I proceeded to leave the call and explain how I felt when that was said and got nothing back. Then in August when school started back we made up and we understood each other and what happened. However at the same time A became the exact opposite of how they were. They didn't want to talk to me, be in the same group as me, etc. And yes, it hurt, but there was no reason given to me or anyone else. But then they proceeded to get mad at me for going to dnd which was a school wide club, and tear me away from my other friends because she doesn't want to be with me. So I'm having a meeting with A with the councilor so I can know what happened. A had said I made them uncomfortable and then provided nothing of what I did so I have no clue what is wrong. So AITA? | At this point A has proven they are not a real friend. Real friends do not refuse to communicate or hide things from you, let alone gang up on you and say hurtful things to you or about you. Sometimes in life, people will change how they treat you and you won’t always get an explanation, but again, that just proves they are not meant to be in your life and are not a true friend. Stick with the ones that you have seen stand by your side time and time again. If you have not found that person or people yet, you will. And be that kind of true friend yourself with the people that show they are worthy of that loyalty from you. |
AITAH for asking my dad what his freaking problem is with my girlfriend | I’ve always had a great relationship with my father but lately it feels like he’s lost his freaking mind. It all started a few weeks before Christmas he asked for me and my girlfriends wish lists which my girlfriend provided and a few days after he has a talk with me about some things on there that he was confused about asking for some more fem leaning clothes (for context i have begun transitioning and told him in October and if im going to receive clothes for Christmas as i pretty much always have i would like them to lean more feminine so i can have something to experiment with my look more) his response is that it felt like she was trying to dictate how i look i told him no i wanted a few things to expand what I had available to experiment with changing my look,
a few days later he sent a text message saying that he was uncomfortable with my girlfriends expectations for her wish list she explained that she wasn’t expecting anything specific and that she just sent a full wish list including everything from something pink to she could use a new computer. His husband responded by saying that my father has trauma around gift giving and this has stressed him out that he has often felt like he had to buy peoples love. I can see where this would come from as my mother is quite materialistic but had never heard anything like this from him as long as I lived! It was explained that there were no expectations and whatever they got would be more than enough.
Next week i have been invited to coffee with my mom as she was in town. She asked me if I could come alone as she wanted some 1 on 1 time. When I got there I found both her and my dad waiting for me what followed was alot of questions about my transition i feel they could have asked me in private alot along the lines of why did you decide to transition medically before socially, have you thought about how this would impact your fertility, and have you considered violence in that your going from the most privileged group into the group with the highest likelihood of being targeted for a hate crime . (a line of questioning I largely consider to be of the same calibre as have you tried NOT being gay and … are you sure?) in addition to this he brings up my girlfriend again in her role on the night i came out, she encouraged me and gently nudged me into the position of come out and my dad considered this to be pressuring me to come out i explained to him that I needed a nudge because I have a tendency to just not address bigger things and dance around things (he brought this up on the night and I explained to him he brought it up again a week later and now it’s being brought up and explained again a third time) on top of the wish list incident he said that it seemed like i was “her little pet project” which I found incredibly insulting to both me and her
on top of this on another occasion she had been talking to my grandmother and my grandmother asking how I was doing and my girlfriend replied that i had been struggling a little bit with my mental health due to stress and according to my dad this stressed her out so much that she was apparently sobbing asking him to check in on me but when I talked to her directly she responded that she worries a bit but she wasn’t pulling her hair out or anything and seemed chill about everything and was confused about what my dad had said I don’t fully believe either of them 100% but I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle here
After this i called him a day after “coffee and talking ” and said straight up asking “what is the bug up your butt about my girlfriend?” “It feels like you are willing to at the drop of a hat assume the worst of her” this isn’t limited to just these incidents i feel like it’s been a consistent pattern of behaviour over the years and i feel it’s unfair to someone i love i feel he’s being uncharitable to her and after all these years she should have earned some benefit of the doubt. (Especially because if i were to be equally uncharitable i could easily say it looks like his husband is attempting to stir up drama in an effort to isolate him from the family) he got incredibly upset at this and I did not show up to the yuel dinner they were hosting. The intent was if this is intentional then you need to cut the shit and if it isn’t you need to do some soul searching and find what place emotionally this is coming from
I didn’t see or speak to them until Christmas where they effectively club snubbed us (not starting anything but very noticeably actively not interacting) including the end of the night where we were waiting alone and he continued more or less ignoring me
I sent them a thank you text after Christmas for their thoughtful gift and no response. I sent a new years message no response… four days later I get the response that their basically going no contact with us “i am stepping away and will not be communicating with you at this time i need space” and my stepdad writing “i too am stepping away and i no longer want to be referred to as dad” this is a big deal because when he got married to my dad there was a big fight between him and my sibling about them not wanting to call him dad for context my sibling has trauma due to our first step father abandoning us
So from my perspective it’s hard not to feel like this is possibly some kind of unconscious transphobia on my dad’s part and he’s projecting it onto my girlfriend especially with what he said during that talk
Aitah? Im wondering if I was too harsh when I confronted him about his attitude but how else should I act when I feel someone i love is being treated unfairly. Or he could be upset at me talking directly with my grandmother about what he said about her being stressed During “coffee” he and my mother told me that I should be treating my grandparents “like toddlers” and try to not confuse them or add to their stress while they’re “on their way out “ which feels disrespectful and unkind to me so maybe by talking to her directly he saw that as me disregarding his wishes? Aitah? | This isn’t really anything to do with your gf they are transphobic and wanted a reason to cut you off and your gf is collateral damage so they don’t look bad. Return the favour and block them. You don’t need that in your life. Plenty of people within the lgbtq community can hold prejudices against others. |
AITAH for wanting to break up with my “boyfriend” | So as the title says, AITAH for wanting to break up with my “boyfriend”?
So here is my situation:
Basically I been talking to a boy (he is my classmate and in the same friend group as I) and he was really kind and supportive in a crazy situation/kind of hard time. In that time he told me that he liked me and even though I did not feel the same way (I didn’t really felt anything towards anyone - so like as if I was numb) so I decided that since he is a nice guy I should agree but I told me to slow things down. Things were going good and yeah but I still told him that I would only be his girlfriend if he asked. So yeah that’s where the “breaking up” part comes. Due to me not really feeling anything in general and rn I’m going through a really hard time (family and mh problems) I’m struggling mentally and I can’t even feel anything again. So I didn’t really talked to him in school nor in text. And the worst part that I get that he is struggling too (with family problems) and maybe I was his hope and this will break his heart but I don’t think I can keep pretending that I
like him while I’m even struggling just to not relapse.
So this is the part where I may be the villain but I feel like I should tell him the truth that I don’t think that this is going to work out between us due to me being at a really bad place.
So AITAH for wanting to “break up” with him or idk?
\- also if someone has any advice then please write it.
\- and please don’t write mean things I’m already struggling and also I’m only 15.
!! I’ve been and I’m still going every Tuesday to a psychologist !! | Esh, you never should have agreed if you had no feelings for him. Break up now, explain that you are struggling and adding him in is too much. Are you in therapy? Seeing a dr for your mental health? If not, please reach out to a counselor at school and tell them you are struggling. |
AITAH for asking for a day to myself? |
So I’m 2 months postpartum. I had a c-section and have had prior mental health problems so the chance of me getting ppd is really high. I’ve expressed this to my baby dad (who I live with, but we are not in a relationship) but he really doesn’t seem to care.
I give him days and nights where he doesn’t take the baby. So I’ll be up all night because even though baby is 2 months, he’s already teething. But I’ve asked him for almost a month (19th of December) if he can just take the baby for 24 hours so I can have a small break.
Mind you, I’ve taken the baby for multiple days at a time when I’ve gone to my moms or my cousins for a couple night. Baby dad is always taking off to go see his friend, often being gone for 12+ hours.
I asked him go take the baby tonight because I had the baby all night last night so I was hoping to try and get some rest. But he brought him in to me at about 2:40 and I was telling him no but all he did was smile at me like I was joking.
I heard him go pee and then go to his room. I changed the baby and made him a bottle and went to go give him back to dad just to see him passed out.
Is it just the hormones? Am i asking of too much? Or am I in the right to ask for one day to myself? | NTA
Make up enough formula for a day. Give baby to Daddy and head to your Moms for the night. |
Update! AITAH For refusing to get married to my fiance until she proves herself me? | UPDATE!
Thank you everyone for your comments. Its been a month since I last posted. A lot of stuff happened since then. Right now im sitting at a bar trying to drown my stupidity. Im not sure where to begin. I called her on her bullshit. We got into a fight about her behavior. After that it seemed she started changing. She started getting more involved with my kids. She seemed she was being more transparent and open. I thought things were going in a good direction. We spent the holidays with my family and she was friendly and seemed genuinely happy. 2 weeks ago she said she had temporary assignment out of town. I thought it was weird but I said whatever its her job. But I had this weird knot in my stomach. I started questioning her about it and something felt off. She wouldn't give me details about her hotel or really what she was doing. So I did something that I am not proud of. I put a tracker in her car. One of those things I bought off the Tik Tok shop. I helped her pack her clothes. She grabbed sweats, jeans and work shirts, told me she loved me then left. The two days prior to her leaving were weird. The best way I can describe it is she was love bombing me. She kept telling me how much she loves me and is going to miss me and how lucky she is to have me. She was more affectionate than she has been in months. After she left and went to the hotel for her "job" I started tracking her. She said she had to be at the job site by 2pm which was 2 hours away. First she had to check into her hotel then she will head to the job site. The problem was her vehicle never left the hotel. So I followed her tracker to the hotel. I pulled up to the hotel and saw her vehicle. The nice convertible that she wanted me to buy her so I did. I called her and texted her but she wouldn't respond. She finally called me back and told me she was busy working and had to go to the bathroom to talk to me because of the noise. She said she would be working all night and would call me when she got off work. I sat in that parking lot doubting myself. What if I was wrong? What if she took a shuttle or ubered to her job site? I sat in my car and was just processing when I saw her. She came out of the hotel with her boss. She was dressed in a nice outfit that she didn't pack. They walked to her bosses truck, he opened her door and helped her in before climbing into the driver seat. It broke me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Suddenly this rage surged through me. Everything in me wanted to ram his truck. The rage quickly turned into a cold anger. I texted her enjoy f***ing your boss. I put my car in drive and drove home. I called my friend and asked if I can swing by. He recently went through something similar. He said his door is always open and to swing by when I get back in town. When I got there I told him everything. He didn't say a lot. He just listened. After I was done he said there's not a lot of advice he can give me. I needed to figure things out. Whatever I decided he would have my back. He helped me talk through what needs to be done. So I left his house and went to mine. I woke my kids up and told them to pack some clothes. I called my parents and asked if I could stay there a few days. I started packing my clothes when my now ex fiance came into the house. She kept trying to call me but I blocked her number so she drove back from the hotel to the house to talk to me. I kept packing while she kept trying to explain to me that it wasn't what I thought they just happened to be in the same hotel and that they were going for a drink. I told her to get away from me. The weird thing is she wasn't showing much emotion. She kept telling me that she didn't want to lose me and that it was a big misunderstanding. She kept blocking the door so I couldn't leave. As much as I wanted to I didn't try to move her. I didn't want her to be able to say that I touched her. I took an hour for me to get her to move. Finally I was able to leave and went to my parents house. Of course she immediately tried to spin the narrative to everyone telling them it was a misunderstanding. Everyone started calling me telling me to call her and talk it out. It was just a misunderstanding and that she didn't do anything. I blocked them all. Because she is blocked on my phone she started emailing me telling me she was sorry and how she never meant to hurt me and that she now sees how she has been and that she can change. How she sees how she has damaged our family and how she can fix it. I told her that she had 4 years to do that. She didn't regret what she did she regretted getting caught and I blocked her email. I want to go scorched earth. Her boss is married with 3 kids. I want to burn it all down. Contact his wife and the HR department and let them know what their government employees have been doing. So now im sitting at the bar spiraling between anger and heartache. Not sure what to do next. The lease for our house is in both of our names. I dont have the money for a deposit for new rental. So I am sitting here trying to figure out the next step in my life. I will keep yall updated on what I can figure out. | And everyone clapped. |
AITAH for emotionally distancing myself from my sister after she backed out of my commencement to attend a bachelorette trip? | I (mid-20s F) am graduating from university soon, and my commencement has been planned for a long time.
Almost three years ago, when my younger sister planned a trip to visit me, my older sister told me she wouldn’t come on that trip because she wanted to save her visit for my commencement instead. Since then, she has repeatedly said she would attend, talked about planning it, and told me she had taken time off work. Because of that, I fully expected her to be there.
Recently, she was being vague about booking flights and hotels. There was a good deal on a hotel near the venue, and since I didn’t want to lose it, I called her to ask what day she’d be flying in so I could reserve the room. That’s when she finally told me she actually wouldn’t be coming. She decided to attend her best friend’s bachelorette trip instead, which overlaps with the time she would have been here.
She is the maid of honor and said that no other weekend worked because of other people’s schedule conflicts. This made me feel like my commencement wasn’t considered a “real” conflict. She also has a very flexible work schedule and plenty of time off, which added to my frustration.
After telling me she couldn’t come, she then suggested that my younger sister, my dad (who was already coming), and my younger sister’s boyfriend come instead, which felt like she was trying to replace herself. For context, my younger sister was just here two years ago, while my older sister hasn’t visited in about four years.
I was really hurt and overwhelmed in the moment and ended the phone call shortly after she told me. I didn’t yell or insult her, but I needed space.
I’m not cutting my older sister off completely, but I’ve definitely pulled back emotionally and expect our relationship to change long-term. I still plan to be civil (for example, I’ll text her happy birthday), but I no longer feel comfortable investing the same level of trust or expectation.
So, AITAH for distancing myself emotionally and going low-contact after she backed out of my commencement after years of saying she’d come? | I think its natural for anyone that's been hurt by someone to pull back somewhat, a totally normal response. NTA, she hurt your feelings. |
AITAH if I told my husband that I feel like I’m a single parent | So, let me get into a little back story here. My husband started an LLC and his job calls for him to be gone three weeks in another state and he is only home one week in the month. I have a full-time job and I take care of our child a long with our chicken farm. He makes a lot more money than I do. And he pays for the mortgage while I take care of all other house hold expenses. There is times that I run out of money and I have to use the credit card to buy groceries or chicken feed.
Our dog got knocked up recently and had 8 puppies that I have to take care of on top of everything else. Let me be clear this dog was my husband and child’s decisions to get this dog. We already had a dog that I got for the family. Very well behaved dog and is easily trainable. This dog is very timid, kills our chickens and is a hand full most of the time.
Well the puppies are almost ready to be off the dog’s milk and I asked my husband if he could help me next month (not fully pay for) get her fixed so we don’t have an issue of her being pregnant again. He said I’ll see after I’ve paid my bills. I paused and asked “what aren’t you working?” And he repeated himself again. Then I said, “it’s in a month you can’t help me pay for the dog that you and our child wanted?” And he repeated himself again I’ll have to see after I pay my bills.
I yelled in the phone saying that I feel like a single parent because I have to pay for everything at home. All of our child’s school expenses, food, anything and everything besides the mortgage. He doesn’t give me anything to help me pay for anything. Am I in the wrong? I didn’t even ask for this dog that has made my life a living hell because she tears up everything and we can’t even have our chickens roam around because she will kill them. I’m not asking for half his salary. I’m just asking to help me fix this dog and help me with a little more expenses with our son. I’m stressing hard about this but if this isn’t reasonable enough please tell me. | NTA - This relationship isnt going to work. For the obvious neglect and financial abuse. |
AITAH for exposing bullies online but not reading the room well enough | Exposed bullies now I'm being reported
Reported for exposing bullies online. What should I do?
For context I am autistic, struggle with social cues so am a bit unique, but this doesn't excuse anything it's just important to bear in mind
I was clubbing and wanted to film myself, I set up phone on floor (as was only place to put it) the filming probs went on for too long. Perhaps people did feel uncomfortable with how long the filming went on for. There was a group of friends, one I was dancing with who waved at the video and then I noticed she went over to her friends and 2 of them were whispering and laughing at me. I am neurodivergent, and I assumed they were judging me. I just hate bitchy behaviour, I'm fed up with it from high school and I felt it really impacted how safe I felt to unmask and be myself dancing at the club. I do pick up on small things that perhaps others wouldn't, but one of the girls I knew from before and she was quite nasty to my housemate so I didn't get a good impression of her.
I felt like during my childhood being bullied I didn't let myself have a voice, and I wanted to give that back to myself. I made a TikTok with the video showing them laughing in background and captioned it across the centre something about if you're an adult you shouldn't expect mean girl behaviour to go away.
The reception of the video wasn't what I expected. It got a lot of views (150k). Most comments disagreed that they couldn't see the mean girl behaviour and some even accused me of up-skirting because the angle was on the floor (to clarify you couldn't see any genitals or underwear, you could maybe see slightly up thigh of one of the girls, but NOTHING explicit)
I responded to the comments In a Defensive unserious way because I felt very invalidated and almost gaslit. It probs didn't reflect on me well because the comments were mentioning how they could've felt uncomfortable with the filming and I dismissed it. I didn't feel what I had done was bad. I felt justified because of how they treated me. And also upset how someone could mischaracterise something that was far from sexual in nature. But after all the comments disagreeing anything was bad in the video, I did change the caption to acknowledge I may have misunderstood the situation and I didn't intent to make them feel uncomfortable.
The girls in the video found the video and one of them was responding to comments how she wasn't being mean and she felt uncomfortable being filmed. I assumed if she wanted the video down she would communicate that with me somehow. I just thought it must not bother her too much if she hasn't asked for it to get taken down. I also didn't have a lot of empathy for her because I did perceive her as a mean girl.
A few hours pass and two of the girls finally messaged me. They both claimed they will report me, get my volunteer role taken away from me and that I should delete the video and make snide comments about how they hope I employed my 10m of fame. I deleted the video instantly. It just felt like intimidation and more of a power move than anything. They also commented on the uni anonymous page claiming someone in the club "was upskirting people". They also accused me of upskirting them. One even lied and claimed that they requested the video to get deleted many times and I supposedly deleted their comments.
I felt wronged by them again for how they were being. I felt they could have asked the video to be taken down before reporting me, it just seemed like such a leap.
I have been accused of the following and invited to a investigation meeting:
\\\\- disorderly conduct causing a nuisance or distress
\\\\- Behaved in a manner that may constitute unwanted conduct of a sexual nature
where that conduct has the purpose or effect of violating another person’s dignity or
creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for
them.
Please just analyse this situation, who's in the wrong, and how I should approach the meeting. I struggle to figure out if I am justified and want to balance being genuine but also protecting myself.
I don't feel bad for these girls cuz I don't appreciate their lying and power plays. I think just mischaracterising them online is not severe enough for a punishment. I filmed in a public place too and wasnt directing the video at them specifically. The girl who originally danced with me I actually missed her comment saying she felt violated by the angle and I genuinely feel sorry for her because it was wrong if she felt uncomfortable and I do genuinely feel remorse. You could see up her thigh a bit and I get how she wouldve felt vulnerable. But the other two girls just don't really seem justified in how they feel. They were in the back and not exposed at all. I did feel like they were laughing at me, and I just feel like I exposed them for the bullies they are 🤷♀️ | > I noticed she went over to her friends and 2 of them were whispering and laughing at me. I am neurodivergent, and I assumed they were judging me
First of all, this entire situation began with you making a negative assumption about them without any real information. You have no idea what they were saying or why they were laughing. It's not okay to publicly accuse people of being bullies based on an assumption you've made.
It's good to unmask and let yourself have fun at the club. That is separate from you filming people without their consent. Have you considered that maybe you filming was making *other* people feel less safe to let loose? After all, they don't know whether you might have been filming them to judge and mock them, and in this case you did in fact use the video to encourage negative attention towards other people online. Did you think about the fact that people might have tracked these girls down and bullied them online based on your video?
The first girl saying she was uncomfortable being filmed should have been your cue to take down the video. Them reporting you is valid. What you did is wildly inappropriate.
I'm sorry you were bullied growing up. In this instance, you were the bully. Let this be a lesson learned not to film people without consent and not to make assumptions about other people's behavior without verifying.
YTA |
AITAH for blaming my dad for causing my English grade to drop? | So I (M15) asked my father (M46) to buy me a book for my English class on the 9th of January. I then proceed to ask for a follow up on the 12th since the book is due the 14th; he tells me that he will order it “now”. I then asked him today if he ordered it for me but then he said “Shit, \[insert name\] why didn’t you remind me?” MIND YOU I ASKED HIM TWICE. We only have one assignment in the grade book and it’s a homework assignment worth 5 points, since I don’t have the book my grade will drop from a 100% to a 50% since it will be 5/10 points on my homework part of my grade (the only part we have in currently). I tried expressing to my dad that I reminded him two times yet he still gaslit me into thinking I was I not being responsible. Personally, I feel like if your kid asks you multiple times to buy something they need for a class you should do it, no? | Honestly, you did your part by asking multiple times, your dad dropping the ball shouldn’t tank your grade. Sounds like he needs to step up, not gaslight you. |
AITAH for not going to work on my first day off in weeks? | Sorry for the bad English it’s my 4th language
So I am a 21 year old college student and I’m paying for my college alone, my dad is dead and mom abandoned me years ago for her new family.
I have this weird job at our local hospital where basically I’m a caregiver for patients who can’t be left alone, think suicide attempts and mentally ill patients who just can’t be left alone, I absolutely hate it because it’s soul crushing but it gives me the opportunity to study and do my homework because I mainly work nights and most of the time the patients are just sleeping.
Work has gone up so much during the holidays like it’s insane, usually you’d get like 4-5 shifts a week but my manager has asked me multiple times to do a morning and night shift in the same day, I refuse because I have school and it’s too much but it’s crazy, I’ve been working every single day since probably 18th of December till now and I’ve only took 3 days off for Christmas and NYE and where this is about 2 nights ago. Most of these shifts were 12 hours so I’m mentally fucking exhausted.
So last Saturday I was doing a 12 hour evening shift since I didn’t have school and I was with an old woman with dementia and I was fucking done with life, in the middle of my shift my manager tells me that the next day I had a 12 hour morning shift and I just lost it at her, I said ain’t no way in hell am I doing that, and she said fine and gave me the next day off and I was relieved, I decided to go out with some friends for the night on a different city two hours away, as soon as I arrived she texts me asking if I could come on a night shift because someone’s relative died and they couldn’t go, it was very late notice so I said no and that I was 2 hours away and this was my day off, she kept begging but I said no and she said fine, then I started getting calls left and right by other coworkers to try and get me to go to help her out, but I still said no, they kept calling and calling and I just turned off my phone and carried on.
Now everyone is mad at me because an evening shift worker had to work an extra 3 hours on top of their shift until someone else came and now everyone thinks I’m an asshole, but I’ve been working nonstop for almost a month now and most of those were 12 hour shifts, what don’t I deserve a life too?
Was I the asshole here for having boundaries? | NTA and check your coworkers on their shit. Be cold if you gotta, tell them if they have a problem with what shifts you cover then you’ll let management know to contact them from now on. |
AITAH for wanting my partner to go to rehab & recovery center after? | My husband has been addicted to kratom for over a year. There have been lies after lies about how much he was taking. We started a taper plan but he has changed the plan multiple times and while I thought I was in control of the pills there were always some hidden that I found. Now it seems like he is genuinely trying but throws up everyday and takes more so we are basically not making much progress. He wants to do an at home detox, we have a 2 year old. I worry this will be too much for my son and I to watch. I will admit I have not been the nicest partner during this whole process because this isn’t the first substance and there have just been too many lies. I am adamant on him going to get the medical professional help he needs, would prefer it to be any treatment that doesn’t use another opioid related drug to help him. I also want him to go and get mental help, therapy, N.A. meetings, whatever he needs for the next year. Husband thinks I am being hateful and spiteful and hate him so much that at this point I just want him gone and I want to punish him. I keep trying to explain that our son and I shouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions of his addiction. My son shouldn’t have to watch him screaming and having a mental break down while trying to detox at home. He says it won’t be that way. I have talked to many people who work with addicts and they all say kratom withdrawals are no joke. The kratom he has been using is called MGM or 7-Oh or something like that so it’s not pure kratom. He was taking 30-40 a day, and is zombied out on the couch almost all day, even now that we have tapered down to about 12-15 a day, which he lied about because I though we were at 6 a day…. I just can’t continue watching him do nothing with his life. AITA for not wanting him to do his recovery here at home with us?? | As a recovering addict I just want to say this....we all think we can do it ourselves. We can't. In the past I had tried multiple times to detox at home, but with access to money, phone, vehicle etc, when the detox gets to its peak and you're shitting and puking all at the same time nothing will stop you from getting whatever substance it is that will take that feeling away. So no, NTAH, get him in a program that will hold him accountable and give him what he needs to get through the hard part. After that he's on his own. He HAS to want it for himself though or it will never work. In the end you have to do what's best for you and your son though. Best of luck to you doll❤️ |
AITAH in this situation? | So, about a few months ago I was in a relationship. But I ended it because I still had PTSD from the last one (but I never told them I had PTSD till about a month on) so I'm curious if I'm the asshole here | Not the a**hole ptsd can be crippling although i think u should tell them why u ended it maby they would understand the worst thing is never giving giving urself a chance to find out what could of been taking that leap can be hard but worth it in the end, just be honest with them if they are willing to take things slow go for it if not dont see it as a loss live in the moment do it for the memories and u will be better because of it. Cutting urself off completely will do more damage then good in my opinion i may be wrong and dont know much about u sonits hard for me to give u the best advice all i can say is be true to urself and follow ur heart i wish u the best of luck |
WIBTAH if I went against my boyfriend's wishes and got my tongue pierced? | This post will be blunt but this has been a topic in our relationship for a very long time. I (18F) already have 7 piercings on my face alone, I met my boyfriend (20M) when I was an emo 14 year old with snakebites & an eyebrow piercing so he knew what he was getting into and is alternative himself but he absolutely hates piercings. Every piercing I have gotten since I met him he has not liked but just said screw it and did it anyway because I want to spend my youth looking how I want. However, the ones he especially hates are bellybutton, septum, and tongue piercings. I have 2/3. I held off for a long time but eventually ended up getting them mostly because of him calling me disrespectful for getting things that I know he hates, calling piercings he knew I had ugly, and not commenting when I asked him if he would think my whole face was ugly if I got my nose pierced (before I did). It honestly kind of pissed me off.
A tongue piercing is the last one I want and I have wanted it forever. He says he would especially not like it because I already have my bellybutton pierced, and he can tolerate one but would really dislike me having both (I flip my septum piercing up when around him). I think he kinda just sees tongues as gross. I would really love to have this and it has been an ongoing discussion between us for a couple years now, so what do you guys think of this situation? Am I being disrespectful/childish about a boundary?
I would also like to add that he's not berating me all the time about this, the examples I brought up have been random comments he's made in the past. | I mean, NTA. If he finds piercings so distasteful you’d think he’d be dating someone who feels the same way. Like if he’s just going to give you grief and make you feel bad about the piercing who needs that negative energy? |
AITAH for not wanting to pay for my boyfriends recovery | Being vague so as not to identity anyone in this story…..
TW// mentions of drug abuse
Over the last few years my boyfriend (M30) has been in and out of rehab for drug addiction, I (F28) love him dearly but it’s been a hard road for us all. He was doing well for a bit but a death in the family turned everything on its head.
We have been together since secondary school and have been there for each other through so much. I put off college to support him financially.
The asshole comes in here, he is out of rehab in a week, he wants me to pay his away for a while to keep him on the straight and narrow, which I would do gladly. However, I have been offered the opportunity of a life time!
For years I’ve been putting money away to study abroad for my dream career, I have gotten close to my goal several times but expenses for my boyfriend came first and I wouldn’t change that for the world. But now I have the money and the opportunity is here, am I the asshole for not being dead set on funding my partner this time?
I adore him and want him to get better but we have been down this path so many times before…. | NTA
At what point do you draw a line and realize he has taken so much from you? You willingly chose to put your life on hold but at what point do you say, enough is enough? |
AITAH for wanting to move out when Im 18? | So Im 17 Female, I lived with my adopted parents, I have only been adopted for 4 years. They are better then what my bio parents where but are still strict. They come home from a concert today. Its 10 at night and I get up to see what they are yelling about. Apparently I didn't do my chores. I did. I always do. I do all the chores in my house and more. They say I don't care about them because when I woke up half asleep still, I took out my time of the month product and it was in the toilet, half asleep me didn't clock this till later when they are yelling at me about it. My mom then yells I won't be able to use said thing anymore and only use pads. Fine, whatever. Then they start about my phone. They say they wanna get me a flip phone because I was looking up hairstyles on google and this is deemed wrong. They don't want me on the internet. If I can look up hairstyles I can look up porn is their reasoning. I have family link on my phone. I only get 2 hours on it and Im only allowed on one website and its a game called Lioden I got into playing a year back. Anyone with family link knows its a pain to get around even if you tired. But I dont. Because Im not like that. SO then my dad is yelling in face to go to bed because I can't respect his house. This man don't even have enough respect to remember my birthday. My parents say I can't move out when I turn 18 because I will still be in highschool. At this point IM SO done I just want advice on what to do. | You concentrate on your education so you can get a successful career and support yourself financially |
AITAH for saying 'im in love with an artist' | I'll do my best to keep this as short as well and this is a throwaway because my boyfriend knows my main.
On Friday I 24 F was at a birthday party with my boyfriend 28M 'Oscar' my friend and I were talking about music and we have fairly similar taste so I asked her if she knows said artist and she said she never heard of him and I said "Omg you're joking right? He is the best I'm literally in love with him he is so talented" and I recommend her some songs and we talked about other stuff and with other people.
The next day I woke up with a text from my boyfriend saying I disrespected him by saying I was in love with another man and that I embarrassed him in front of our friends and that he needs time to revaluate our relationship and think if he can get pass this. He also said that if I have the chance with my favorite artist I WILL cheat on him and that having those thoughts about another man indicates that I'm not loyal. I'm absolutely dumbfounded because all of these sounds like bs to me, I tried to call him but he blocks me, I sent him an email saying we were done for good and that insecurity is not a good look on an almost 30 y/o man.
I talked to my friends and some laughed and two guys said that I was the asshole for breaking up with him when he asked for time apart. But if you are jealous or insecure about an artist that is so stupid I'm sorry. Oscar called today and asked to talk, he said he is willing to get pass this but I need to apologize in front of everyone because I embarrassed him in front of everyone. I told him that now I'm the one who needs time to think about our relationship.
I don't know if I was to harsh with him and maybe I didn't put myself in his place but this seems like such non-issue, I can't understand his reasoning. I need outside perspective because or relationship was pretty solid and he was such a loving and attentive partner we were even talking about moving in together and I don't want to throw a good relationship over this but at the same time this feel so stupid I'm not sure we can get past this or if he wouldn't do something like this again just because I breathe too close to another man. So reddit was I the Ah? | I’d considered it good riddance at this point. He sounds like a teenager, not a full grown man. |
AITAH for free gas | For pumping a $10 of gas into my tank because I think someone chose the wrong number I mean I looked around for awhile before doing so then just said f it maybe the person before me said pay it forward but then as I was leaving I think the couple next to me was wondering why their gas wasn’t working | Lmao a bit but not really if you thought someone was just paying it forward. I would have asked them in your situation though. People putting 10 dollars in a tank usually dont have more money for gas. I’ve been there. |
AITAH for attending job interviews to brush up my interview skills | So my sister is contemplating to find her next job (she is now on her 1st job ever in her life which she get thru recommendation from college/University),and she feels that she do not have the confidence to excel in her job interviews. She is quite an introvert and not that good in talking.
I told her that from my experience as an introvert myself, the best way to overcome this and build up your confidence is to do what I did - attend practice interviews for jobs that you do not care if you get it or not. And ideally once a year you should do this,just to make sure your interview skills doesn't get rusty, and knows the ongoing market rate,trend, industry practice and expectations, etc.
And my sister, and my mother, who overheard our discussions, both opposed to this advice and accused that I shouldn't be doing this, and basically I'm a douchebag that has no consideration for others (the interviewer), and wasting people's effort and time, if I wasn't being serious.
Even though I tried to say it goes both ways, what about companies that interview candidates for formality purposes, or ghost you after the interview. But apparently they feel that all companies out there are being genuine, and say that those are merely "discovered to be not a good fit after interview, unlike you who already came in with little to no intention to begin with, which is just fooling others".
I might want to mention that my mother is a Japanese, and my sister had spent some time there (whereas for me I did not). Perhaps its a cultural thing?
| interviewers waste hundreds of people's times. it's ok |
AITAH for halfassing computer support for one group | I (F43) do first level IT-Support in my workplace. If someone has computer problems I assess the issue, try all the usual tricks and if necessary report the problem to the real IT-department.
We have three work groups and I work in group B (normal deskjob, the IT Support is an additonal task so that the real IT doesn’t get bothered for menial problems). I am rather introverted and don’t always get all the social clues, but I really liked helping with computer problems and always try to fix things at once. A while ago I noticed, that the people in group A are making fun of me behind my back (and most recently my front… which is the reason I figured it out). I thought we all had a good working relationship. I‘ve been working with some of those people for 25 years. I don’t even know if I can still trust the other 2 groups.
Since I found out, I take my sweet time to check on group A‘s problems… „Oh long phone call, so sorry“ typ of thing, which isn’t something I like doing. Aita?
| Justified AH. Standard workplace bullshit but if they are mocking you to your face you should let someone know. |
AITAH for leaving my dirty underwear on his toiletry bag? | Hi everyone, I’m new to posting on Reddit and ran into a situation that I have been conflicting over the past day and my eyes are just so puffy from crying and I feel alone. I just need to know if I deserved what happened and want some more clarity on this situation.
I (25F) recently started dating my boyfriend (23M) a couple months ago. Before we started dating, his brother Stuart (24M) and cousin Dan (21M) had already planned to buy a house together with him. The house was purchased after we started dating, but at the time of this situation, his brother and cousin have not moved in yet.
Some background because I think it ties a bit into the story:
Until very recently, my boyfriend was living at his parents’ house, where his brother Stuart also lives. That is where I had been staying over most of the time. Because my boyfriend and I are newly dating and have been spending a lot of time together, I stayed over at his parents’ house fairly often. Recently, Stuart told my boyfriend that he hasn’t been feeling comfortable in his own home and wanted to set boundaries around how often I stayed there especially now that they are moving into their own house now and want ground rules so everyone can be happy. One of the issues he mentioned was that my hair in the bathroom had been bothering him. I fully understand this and take responsibility. I try to clean up after myself, (i brush my loose hair into the sink so it doesn’t get on the floor bc I hate stepping on hair and always collect it and throw it in the trash) but I admit I missed some small pieces of hair and once forgot to immediately throw away hair I had left on the shower wall (I do this bc I don’t want it to clog the drain). I felt really bad because I can understand it might be shocking for a guy who didn’t grow up with a sister or lived with girls to see this and feel uncomfortable with seeing sm hair. As soon as this was brought up, I became more careful about cleaning, and decided to reduce how often I stayed over. This conversation happened only a week ago or so, so it hasn’t been too much time to really notice these changes. I do know that he expressed this to Dan as well since now he will be sharing the bathroom with my bf in their new house and to make him aware that this might be an issue he may have to deal with. Totally get it.
Now onto the issue:
A few days later maybe a bout a week later, my boyfriend moved into the new house. I stayed there with him for three nights and then left early the last day. I had been very careful with my hair and even picking it up from the floor, every single last piece to ensure that Dan won’t feel uncomfortable either like Stuart had. The day after I left, Dan came to the house, went to the bathroom, and found my dirty underwear resting on his toiletry bag on the sink. Instead of contacting me or my boyfriend privately, he took a photo of it and sent it to a group chat with friends, saying it was very “hoe of you.”
I was mortified. I’m a shy person and don’t feel comfortable with men I barely know seeing my underwear, let alone taking a photo of it and sharing it. At first I thought he found it on the floor and put it there on purpose. This turned out not to be the case as he was very upset (rightfully so) but i just never leave dirty clothes on the counter and always leave it on the floor bc well… it’s dirty and belongs on the floor, so I’m not sure how it got there. But I guess I had to maybe have accidentally tossed it onto his stuff before getting in the shower? I’m really trying to remember but I can’t. Regardless i should have been more careful. But what he did made me feel exposed and humiliated.
I immediately texted him apologizing for leaving my underwear there and acknowledged that it was inappropriate especially to leave on his stuff. I also asked that if something like this ever happened again, he contact me privately because I was uncomfortable with how it was handled.
He replied that he did it on purpose, that it was extremely disrespectful of me to leave my underwear there, and that he doesn’t owe me a private conversation because I had no respect for him. He did not apologize for taking the photo or for the comment.
I understand that what I did was wrong, and I genuinely feel bad that he had to deal with that. I can see how it can be taken as not respecting his place and maybe his feelings of irritation were heightened especially bc Stuart warned him about the issue with my hair and they probably feel like I don’t clean up after myself and don’t respect them. If this were a repeated issue with the underwear, I would understand his frustration more. But I think this was clearly an honest accident and I feel like the response — taking a photo, sharing it, and calling me a “hoe” — crossed a line.
My boyfriend understands why I’m upset, but he feels this is between me and Dan to“hash it out.” He says he’s upset with both of us and believes we’re equally wrong and disrespectful. Although I understand his feelings somewhat, I still can’t shake the feeling that I feel like the situations aren’t equal. My wrongdoing was careless but unintentional and I never mean to disrespect anyone, but his response felt intentionally humiliating and on a different level of disrespect.
I don’t want to cause issues this early in the relationship or make my boyfriend feel stuck in the middle, especially since this is his family. At the same time, I feel like I didn’t deserve that and want my bf to establish that I can’t be talked to like that. I don’t want him to get mad or yell but just say “hey I love you and she should have been more careful but it’s never okay to speak to/treat my gf like that”. I’m just feeling a bit alone. Me and Dan are not close like friends for him to just do this and call me out like that and my relationship is so new with my bf that I feel like he disrespected my bf too (his own cousin) by not trying to handle this more peacefully. Who calls their family member’s gf a hoe like that and publicly shame them? What if this caused me to break up with him? Wouldn’t my bf be upset too? I could never imagine doing something like this to my brother’s gf and would not tolerate if my family said anything disrespectful to my bf but idk.. maybe what I did was so wrong for me to deserve this? I’m really confused and unsure😣. I spoke to an outside friend who has never met any of them and she thinks that he is insane and is out for blood but my bf’s reaction is making me rethink if I’m being unreasonable.
AITAH for accidentally leaving my underwear there, feeling upset about how it was handled, and wanting my boyfriend to set a boundary that this kind of behavior toward me isn’t okay?
| Wow your BFs brother/cousin really is jealous of the time you spend with his brother.... Hair, if they have a mother, is something they should be able to deal with.
Dude definitely found a pair of your underwear somewhere to plant to make this into a bigger thing because he found no hair this time.
\*I got Dan and Stuart mixed up. Dan is still a fucking creep. |
WIBTAH if I told my flatmate not to cook at midnight? | So I’m in a brand new flatshare (moved in 15 days ago) and my room is right off the living room / kitchen and the walls are super thin so I can everything that happens outside my room with crystal clarity. Closing the door does not help - it’s like I’m sitting in the kitchen/living room when someone is in there.
So, it’s 00:13 right now and I’m about to sleep as I have to go into the office and my flatmate has just come out of her room to cook her dinner.
She’s not being extra loud or noisy, it’s just by virtue of being in the kitchen at this time I can hear her every move (like I can hear the rice boiling😭) and it’s making it so hard to sleep. To make matters worse my room lets in the smell of the cooking.
We were in a flatshare together previously and she used to cook late then too but that was fine as the walls were more sound proof and my room was far from the kitchen. In this new place though, cooking this late is really bothersome due to the walls and position of my room.
As she’s used to doing this though and it’s only the first time of her cooking late in this new flat I’m not sure if bringing this up is going to be too harsh or if I should nip it in the bud asap.
WIBTA if I tell her to not cook this late at night? | White noise machine. Earplugs. Maybe even just a fan would help.
It’s unfortunate, but you did know she cooked late already, so this isn’t new behavior or a surprise. |
AITAH for getting mad at my partner? | Okay so for context, he really wanted a child, I was unsure since I was just starting a new job and didn’t have much money. He owned his own company making pretty good money so he told me we would be okay. I worked until the day I went into labour. He almost mist the birth cause he was working. Then I went on maternity leave to take care of our child. She is three now and instead of going back to work he wanted me to work for him. We put her in daycare and I have the responsibility of picking her up and dropping her off everyday, plus making both my husbands and my breakfasts & lunches, then after I’m done work (blue collar work from 6-5 (only end early to pick up my child) I need to make dinner and then watch my 3 year old until it’s time to get a bath (which I do) and then I put her to bed. They are done eating before I even start since I need to clean up the dishes I made, I need to feed the dog, I’ve done all the chores (clean the carpet, wash floors, wash bathroom, dishes, etc) and he’s mad because I asked him to drive to me a dentist appointment tomorrow to get my wisdom teeth removed. He said he will be to busy cause he has to now take care of him daughter and he’s mad since he can’t focus on his sleep. (Mind you I work with him full time in the summer but can’t in the winter cause he works at night)(also in the summer I still do all the same things but instead of being home I work all the time) so am I the asshole? Or am I just a tired mother trying to push blame when I should do better? Sometimes I think I’m a horrible mom but my daughter always asks for me and doesn’t want any hugs or anything from her dad, (also I work for him for free, he doesn’t pay me, he says if he pays me I better find a way to figure out how to make up the rest of the half of rent, obviously I can’t do that when parenting.) | This sounds like a bigger issue than just a “AITAH” .. |
WIBTAH if I didn’t tell my parents I was moving till last minute like day of or day before | I (19F) feel absolutely like shit right now trying to figure out how I’m gonna deliver the news to my parents about the fact that I have a place to stay now. Honestly panicking about the whole thing and wondering whether I’d be in the wrong or not if I did that. I was thinking of being straight up about the situation but even that I don’t know how to do, and I attempted to do so over call with my mom this afternoon but the words would honestly not come out.
When I was younger I got a lot more along with them and was willing to be open to them about things but as the years have gone by they’ve shown me how outrageously crazy they can get in certain situations. Even when I do dumb shit which at times I get it, it’s fine to lecture but there’s certain ways to handle situations and violence is not that. But at this point in time I’ve learned that they clearly aren’t very understanding of that idea so I likely don’t think I’d be able to negotiate with them in any situation.
Help of any kind would honestly be great. | NTA. Go to the National Domestic Violence website and look up how to plan to leave safely. Get your important documents out first. You don't have to tell them til you're gone if you don't feel safe. Do it when they are not home. Get a friend to help you. You can even ask for a police escort to help you get ypur things out. Stay safe |
WIBTAH for moving home knowing that my mom and I are going to constantly fight about food | I got laid off from my job as a software engineer about a year ago and am about to run out of EI. I haven't been able to find anything in my field after applying to thousands of jobs across all levels, industries, and locations. I've tried anything from mass applying, to customizing with LLMs, to hand writing resumes and cover letters that are tailored to the roles, but don't hear back.
I have picked up a job but it pays minimum wage and I'm not getting enough hours to cover my rent, even without other expenses included. I currently rent an illegal "bedroom" with no windows in a 1 bedroom + den that I share with a roommate, but it is still not enough to cover it. I've asked for more hours and have been picking up any shifts I can but it's not enough.
My mom has invited me to move home since I'm going to run out of money soon, but we always fight about food. She has a decent number of dietary restrictions and for a while only ate raw vegetables. In that time she became obsessed with food and nutrition, but to me it's clearly an eating disorder masked as health and environmental concerns.
When I was a teenager I would go days without eating a full meal until I was old enough to work. This led to some serious health issues down the road.
She is generally still vegetarian, but does eat meat on occasion. When she is not eating meat she expects everyone around her to also not eat meat and forbids it to be in the house. She claims it's because she cares about her health and mine, but when we hash it out she admits that it's about losing weight.
She will often only eat an apple, maybe some nuts for breakfast, skip lunch, and have a salad for dinner, if anything. Last time I went home, the fridge was broken and she didn't fix it for weeks. The cupboards have had a moth infestation for years with no recourse.
I would respect her vegetarianism if it were just that and there were reasonable meals at home, but it goes so much further and it's hard to even buy my own things without them going bad or being contaminated. I also don't find it fair for her to impose her vegetarianism onto me when she eats meat on occasion. | *it's hard to even buy my own things without them going bad or being contaminated.*
...what? Why? A mini fridge and lots of plastic would probably help keep your food safe |
AITAH for being upset that my girlfriend isn’t going to the dance with me? | Some background information, I (F) (not using ages but we’re both in high school and nobody in this story is a freshman) have been dating my girlfriend (let’s call her Rosie) for ten months now. This is neither of our first relationship, although I’m not sure that matters.
This past October, it was homecoming season. We went together, since we’d been dating since March (obviously?). Since then, we’ve been saying (in passing) how excited we are for Winter formal, especially Rosie. She kept a saying how she’s excited to have someone to go with because last year she third wheeled her best friend on her date.
Winter formal is now next Friday.
Yesterday, during a class, one of our mutual friends was talking about how she has nobody to go with, and I explained why I wouldn’t invite her to come with me and she agreed that she wouldn’t want to third wheel (I was assuming me and Rosie are going together, even though we technically hadn’t made an official plan yet). Later, at lunch, I told Rosie how I almost asked Ruby (the friend from earlier) to come with us and told her why I didn’t. I specifically said “I didn’t because I figured she wouldn’t want to third wheel us, I assumed we’d go on a date or something like that beforehand.
(basically, I got the impression we’d get ready together, go on a date, go to the dance, and then ride home together because that’s the thing to do for couples going to school dances. That’s what you do. Everybody thinks it’s weird that we aren’t going together [myself included] but I digress)
She then went on to talk about how awful it was to third wheel (mostly joking, it’s just something we talk about. I’m not sure why.) Said girlfriend’s-best-friend was at the table with us at the time when I said this, by the way.
Then, next class, me, Rosie, and some friends were hanging out outside (we basically had a free period, so we were out in the courtyard) and Rosie’s best friend (aforementioned, let’s call her Olive) says “I’m going to take your girlfriend for winter formal” She tells me this anytime they hang out, we’re all friends, it’s a normal sentence.
I say, “for, or to?” Because I am under the impression that me and my girlfriend are going together.
She says both. I look at Rosie. Rosie tells me that they’re going together, specifically doesn’t invite me by the way. I kind of joked it off about how I’m ‘going stag’ or whatever, and she keeps insisting we’ll see each other at the dance.
I can’t tell if I’m being controlling but this feels like. I don’t know. I’m hurt, this feels really rude. I’m going to the dance alone, getting ready alone, seeing people there (but everyone will be in established groups because they’re going together) and then leaving on my own.
That feels weird.
You tell me, am I being controlling and weird? AITAH for being upset here? I haven’t honestly brought it up to Rosie and I don’t plan to, not really looking for advice. I just can’t tell if I’m in the wrong here.
AITAH? | Did either of you ever officially ask each other to go? I lean towards ESH. You shouldn't just assume your gf knew plans that you didn't clearly communicate, and she should've told you about her plans sooner and/or could've asked if you were going to make plans together. Neither of you communicated very well. |
AITAH for rejecting someone | Sorry for grammer mistakes, I've been in a bit of rush.
So this guy (let's call him John) has liked me for a while. I've known he's liked me for quite some time as well. I'm not really close with John and don't even talk to him often. John also talks to my friends, and talks about me to them all the time. John often asks my friend group if he could ever have a chance with me. They all say no. He's just personally not my preference and I dont know him well.
Where this story really starts is a few months ago. Another guy (Porter) liked me for only a little while and it wasn't much of a big deal. Unfortunately, recently John found out about this, and got super possessive when talking to my friends. He then texts me, "Yo, I heard that Porter liked you, what's up with that?" I reply saying I don't understand why it would concern him. He tells me that he was just bored and didn't mean anything by it. So, I tell him that I am sure that he wasn't just bored, and I know that there has to be a reason he asked.
The next time my phone buzzes my heart drops. There on my phone is a extremely long paragraph of a love confession (for the second time btw). He follows this paragraph with another of how he thinks I'm very beautiful. The way he describes me makes me super uncomfortable, so I just tell him that I like someone else. He responds with a "Seriously, that's it?" I just say, "yeah". John starts talking about how I didn't answer his question. I say what question. He avoids telling me what the question if for a while until he finally tells me. The question is "would you give me a shot?" I thought my answer was clear, I like somebody else, right? I tell him that I dont like him back. John replys to me rejection with a, "Have a good life" and, "Have fun chasing the guy you like." That was the last thing I heard from him.
Meanwhile I'm getting screenshot from my friend (Sarah) of texts with John. He says, I can't believe that was her response, I pour my heart out and she doesnt even say l, "That's sweet" or that I'm nice. Was I supposed to complement him? My answer was almost as plain as no. Later on John texts Sarah that he is everything I could ever want and begins to list a bunch of reasons why I should like him. Sarah, tells him that he's being creepy and he need to stop but he doesn't listen.
The next day he talks to my friends about how I rejected him and they all seemed creeped out about what he was texting me. Throughout the day my friends have told me things he's said about me that were insanely inappropriate. So far everyone has been on my side, but he thinks I was harsh with my responses. He says that I ruined his reputation and people think he's perverted.
So reddit, AITAH for the way I rejected John? | NTA, you dont owe John anything, and it seems like you dodged a bullet with how he reacted to being rejected |
AITAH for feeling uncomfortable with the financial pressure and outside influence around my friend’s bridal shower? | I (F, late 20s) am one of five bridesmaids for my friend **Lena** (27, turning 28 soon). Her Maid of Honor is her sister **Maya** (26). The other bridesmaids are **Sofia** (28), **Ava** (23, the groom’s sister), and **Karen** (40s, the bride’s coworker).
For additional context, Sofia and I have been close friends with Lena since high school (over 13 years). We care deeply about her, which is why this situation has been difficult to watch unfold.
Lena is a people pleaser and very sensitive to others’ opinions. She avoids conflict and often goes along with suggestions to keep the peace, even if it later causes stress.
Originally, when Maya presented her plan for the bridal shower, Lena explicitly said she trusted her and was okay with the plan — “I trust you” were her exact words. At that time, Lena did not express wanting a venue or any major changes.
We are going on a bachelorette cruise in less than a week, which was planned months ago. The total cost came out to about $1,200 per person, which included covering Lena’s share of the trip. Four of us (myself, Maya, Sofia, and Ava) split and covered her fare.
Karen initially declined the trip because she felt it was too expensive and suggested an alternative that would have cost more than the cruise. She also stated that if she did attend, she didn’t think she should have to contribute toward covering Lena’s portion. In the end, Karen did not attend the cruise and did not contribute to Lena’s share.
**Bridal Shower Planning**
Maya took the lead on planning the bridal shower with the intention of keeping it intimate and budget-conscious, especially after the significant cruise expenses. One option was hosting it at home, which would be more personal and significantly cheaper.
Last week, Lena and Maya had a serious argument that escalated into a physical altercation, largely because invitations hadn’t been sent yet even though the shower is scheduled for March. Lena wanted more involvement in the planning, while Maya wanted it to be a surprise and handle it so Lena wouldn’t feel stressed.
Maya sent the invitations last Thursday, and the two later had a long conversation where they seemed to resolve things.
However, shortly after that conversation, Lena went to work and received negative feedback from coworkers, including Karen, about the invitations. They said the invites looked “cheap,” didn’t match Lena’s aesthetic, and even accused Maya of sabotaging her sister’s bridal shower.
After those conversations at work, Lena began expressing that she actually wanted a venue and had different expectations for the shower — expectations that had not been communicated earlier when Maya asked directly and was given her trust.
**Financial & Emotional Pressure**
Karen strongly advocated for:
• Renting an Italian restaurant venue
• Spending $1,500–$2,000 on décor, cake, and extras
• Splitting costs evenly ($300–$400 per person)
• Comparing the cost to what people spend on hair, nails, and waxing
Karen framed this as “just playing devil’s advocate,” while repeatedly implying that not spending this amount would mean Lena wasn’t being properly celebrated.
Later, Karen said she wanted to gift the venue to Lena. However, this was after prolonged insistence that a venue was necessary, which still set expectations for a higher-end shower overall.
Some financial realities:
• Maya works slightly above minimum wage
• Ava works while going to school
• Sofia is pregnant and planning her own baby shower while going to grad school
• I am also in school & have three weddings to attend this year (where I am also a bridesmaid of)
Karen and Lena’s coworkers earn significantly more and repeatedly stated that “money shouldn’t be an issue,” which felt dismissive of the rest of the group’s financial realities.
**Why I’m Uncomfortable**
I did try to gently express my concerns to Lena. I acknowledged that it is her wedding and that she deserves to be celebrated. At the same time, I asked her to be mindful that most of her bridesmaids do not earn the same income she does, particularly her sister and sister-in-law, who are younger and still building their careers.
Lena works as a nurse and earns more than most of the bridal party. I don’t believe this is intentional, but it does feel like there’s a disconnect in expectations. When coworkers—who earn similar incomes—criticize plans as “cheap” or push for more expensive options, it seems to raise the standard of what’s considered acceptable.
What concerns me is that the pressure doesn’t appear to be coming from what Lena genuinely wanted initially, but rather from wanting to meet the expectations or approval of her coworkers. It creates the sense that spending more money automatically equals a better celebration, even when the added cost doesn’t meaningfully improve the experience.
I truly believe a bridal shower can be beautiful, thoughtful, and special without being extravagant, and that expensive does not always mean better. I also don’t think it’s fair for financial strain to be normalized or brushed off simply because some people can afford it more easily.
I’m trying to support Lena while also advocating for fairness and consideration for everyone involved. Right now, it feels like the focus has shifted from celebrating her to managing stress, finances, and outside opinions.
So… ***AITA for feeling uncomfortable with the financial pressure, income imbalance, and outside influence surrounding this bridal shower?***
***What's the best way to handle this with a bachelorette trip coming up in a few days?***
We're leaving for the bachelorette cruise in less than five days. One of the bridesmaids (the youngest) doesn't know about the recent drama, and we'd prefer to keep her out of it.
The issue is that a few of us who are aware of what's been going on are feeling emotionally off because of everything that's happened. We want to support the bride, but we also don't want the tension to spill over and affect the trip.
***What's the healthiest way to handle this so the cruise doesn't get overshadowed by unresolved feelings?***
***——————————————————————————***
**UPDATE:**
After I made my original post, there was more discussion within the bridal party, mainly led by Karen.
She shared that after doing her own research and math, she now expects the bridal shower to cost around $300 per person, noting that this is the high end and that she plans to try to get better pricing where possible.
She broke down the expected costs as:
• A cake estimated around $200–$300
• A photo wall/balloon arch estimated around $500–$600
• Additional costs for centerpieces, shower favors, games, prizes, and still a separate gift for the bride
She emphasized that many of these costs would exist regardless of venue choice, and stated that not using a venue actually saved money by removing the need for food, drink stations, serving supplies, and extra setup/cleanup time.
Karen also suggested that when we return from the bachelorette cruise, the bridal party should meet in person and assign specific roles (for example: one person responsible for the cake, others for decor, etc.) so that individuals feel more directly responsible for the costs tied to their assigned tasks. She believes this will help keep spending controlled and avoid last-minute expenses, which she pointed out usually cost more.
**\*NOTE : No Venue Has Been Booked\***
While I appreciate the attempt to organize and clarify costs, I’m still feeling uneasy because:
• The estimated cost per person is still high given recent expenses
• Assigning individual “ownership” of purchases feels like another way of locking people into costs they may not be comfortable with
• This conversation is happening just days before we leave for the bachelorette cruise, when emotions already feel strained
We’re leaving for the cruise in less than five days, and while some of us are trying to compartmentalize and enjoy the trip, the timing and ongoing budget discussions are making that difficult.
I still want the focus to be on celebrating the bride, but I’m unsure how to move forward in a way that doesn’t create more stress or resentment — especially with the trip so close. | NTA. Tell the maid of honor (sister) that you’re excited to contribute for the wedding day essentials - dress, hair, makeup, and will otherwise be saving money for your other life expenses. The bachelorette was enough.
For a bridal shower - let the sister and bride’s immediate family control it and cover all costs. Lena should back off, she isn’t the MOH, let Maya - the sister and MOH - do all shower planning and also cover it 100% herself or ask her parents (aka the brides parents) to pitch in financially if needed. It’s odd to ask friends to cover the costs of the shower. This should be done by family. |
Aitah for not speaking to my dad or his partner anymore despite my siblings | I apologize for the length of this and I’m gonna do my best to be as clear and short as possible but some details are definitely important. I (21F) refuse to talk to my stepdad. So I guess let’s start back when it really started. In August of last year my parents split after 16 years of marriage. He swears he never cheated but he is with a new girlfriend ( who was in a committed relationship with mine and my parents good friend for two years and she cheated with my dad) this is only slightly relevant to the situation at hand. After the fact mine and his relationship was pretty rocky as I didn’t agree with the choices he made. I made the effort to reach out to him and tried to repair what we had. In my mind it was going okay. I still was upset about what happened but he’s been my dad since I was four and I didn’t want to lose that.cut to a week before Xmas. I don’t want to go into all the details but one night around 11pm I had to call him so we could go help out a family member he was the only option to help at the time and so he picked me up. All downhill from there, he was plastered. He was falling asleep swerving etc.,etc. I begged him to let me drive and he screamed at me to “get my sh** together”,that I was “the worst person to have in this situation”, offered to drop me off on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, and told me when we finished helping said person that he was done with me. Not to mention that his solution to the issue at hand was picking up more people (including minors) and taking them back in the car with him. We thankfully made it to our destination resolved the situation we came to resolve and I refused to ride back home with him. At Christmas the next week I spoke exactly two words to him and that was it. I have not and do not plan to speak with him again, but although my siblings have been told what he put me through they still spend time with him and talk to him. Am I the ah for cutting him off and not giving him another chance? Or should I be done with him and ignore the protests from other people? | One of my (35M) biggest lessons growing up was learning that grown-ups are people too, and even though he’s been a big part of your life growing up, the decisions he is making and behaviour are disrespectful to you and others. Sometimes we have to let go of those who are hurtful, not because you don’t love them, but because you need to love yourself more. |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.