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AITAH for not wanting to talk about my mother's feelings with her? | Every since I was a little girl, my mother would approach me and ask me if I loved her more then my father. I always said yes because when I didn't she was sad, which I didn't want. So I just continued on doing this, for it made her mood slightly better. Then when we moved from an apartment to family house where in had my own room, she started to come more often. Searching reassurance that I love her, sometimes she would even stay in my room over night crying to me how she wanted to get a divorce. So since the year 2023 I've been begging my mother to move out from the house and that she should get the divorce she's always wanted. She was hesitant at first, but we did it. We moved out after finding a one bedroom apartment in 2024. I wasn't mad or anything that there was only one bedroom, cause she promised that in two months she'd go sleep on the couch and that that room would be mine. So we shared the room and a bed. I wasn't complaining, but you can only imagine a 16 year old without any privacy. So I started to be a little upset about it, but I never said anything I let it be. But as the time went it wasn't really a good thing that we shared the same room and a bed. We started to have fights more often because of stupid things. She would get more and more upset over the time, and always told me about her feelings and everything. I was her rock, never complained just stood there and took it. It started to get heavy at some point, cause I had Noone to share it with. My friends couldn't really understand the situation and my sister with my father weren't talking to me very much. As her feelings progressed and she always felt the need to tell me, I closed of more and more. Not sharing how I felt about anything, because I always thought she had it worse. But over time, I told her that I cannot handle it. Her always complaining about my sister's behavior and all(my sister is a spoiled brat). And somewhere at the start of summer 25 she started to become suicidal. I was helping her through it all, trying my best, but at the same time I needed more time for myself, because I needed to process it. And at that point my relationship with my father was better, but I couldn't tell him cause then he'd use it against me and id have to go live with him. So I never said anything, to him or my friends. Throughout the rest of the year it was still happening, me stopping her form killing herself and as that was happening I felt like worse and worse. It felt unfair to me that I have to deal with a suicidal mother and my sister doenst. I felt more and more agitated to the point that we fought almost every single day.
At some point she moved from the room to the living room, because she was snoring loudly and I could function properly throughout my day, she went there willingly I told her not to, but she said its fine, I knew it wasn't but I didn't complain cause I really needed some rest. After some time everytime we got into a fight she would bring up the fact that she's sleeping on a couch and that she's loser. And went i told her that she should go back to sleeping in the room with me again she denied. So after few months we got into a fight, again. She told me that I'm a liar, that I dont love her because I dont even hug her, and that she wishes the worst to me and my sister. Just because I didn't text her something that I wanted to tell her eye to eye, I thought it was reasonable but I guess it wasn't. And then she got mad at me that I dont want to hear how she feels, but at this point, I've been hearing for more then a year. I'm a 17 year old girl, that has to take care of a suicidal mother because she doesn't want her to die, but the same mother always tells her she doesn't love her or that my father nor sister love me. Which only feeds my thoughts of being unlovable. And I guess I just need to know if, my actions are bad or understandable. Like I feel bad for her feeling like I dont love her, but at this point after so many years of feeling like my family doesn't love and not being able to express my feelings, I feel like I dont own her anything. But the thoughts of not owning her anything makes me feel sick to my stomach and hate myself. Am I the asshole? (Also sorry if there are spelling mistakes, im dislexic and not native, im writing my thoughts so i hope it makes sense) | Ok first you are NOT the ahole.
None of this should be on you, and should have never been on you. Adult problems nerd adult help. Tell your father, or call your mother’s family and tell them. She needs serious help. Help that you cannot provide and shouldn’t have to.
You might need to move in with your father or another family member until your mother gets the help she needs. However with you being 17 it won’t be long till you can go to college/uni. It also sounds like you could benefit from some therapy as well.
What you have with your mother I believe it is called enmeshment and it can be very toxic. |
AITAH for being upset, even though the friendship breakup was my fault? | A lot of relevant background: I (26m) have bipolar disorder, and I also had encephalitis when I was 18. I lost my childhood memories. I never doubted when my parents told me they were my parents but I never felt love for them. I lost my ability to associate emotions to memories. It really messed up how my brain functions, specially emotions. My limbic system is all messed up and I have extreme episodes of mania and depression. Enter “James” who I met when I moved next door to him. James is about 9 years older than me. Long story short, after about a year of knowing him, we became real friends. He was my best friend and has been the only person I felt real, familial love for (nothing homosexual, no hate it’s just not what the situation was). I told him about my brain issues and that I had these deep feelings. He seemed really receptive and said he understood. The past 5ish years, I’ve kept a pretty good handle on things. I caught an attitude with him sometimes but he always forgave me and we always got through it.
Recently, I had a full on manic episode and James got the brunt of it. I did fuck up pretty bad. There’s no excuse. I was negligent about monitoring my symptoms. James completely ignored me for 2 days then informed me he was moving away and that I needed professional help (he already knew I see a psychiatrist).
Again, I totally get it. I neglected to manage my issues and James was unfairly caught up in it. As for the episode itself relating to him, I basically got drunk and chastised him for going to hang out with people he talked shit about a lot (moral absolutism was one of my inflated convictions during this episode). I definitely seemed jealous of his other friends. He said I was acting like a girlfriend. But I wasn’t upset about his other friends, I was upset he went to hang out with people he talked shit to me about. I handed him a knife and said “just kill me already since you basically already did.” He took the knife from me and laughed. I then passed out. I understand and agree that I would have absolutely no right to be upset with James, except I explicitly told him about my issues, about how he was the only person I ever trusted to the extent I did, and that he was my only friend in the world and I considered him family. Do I have a right to be upset? It doesn’t really matter, we no longer speak. Well, he still talks to me when he sees me around but I shut it down every time. If I traumatized him so much why would he want to talk to me at all anymore? I just feel bad about feeling upset sometimes. | You aren't an AH for your feelings, but this is the consequences of your own actions. |
AITAH for asking my family to help pay for me to visit them? | I moved to California about 10 years ago. My family lives in Pennsylvania. I have flown to see them dozens of times over the years. My best guess is 30 times. I was a flight attendant for 3 years of those years, so the cost of flying was not an issue those times. I’m no longer a FA now and I don’t make a lot of money. I’m trying to save for a house and for retirement. My parents chip in $100 here and there to help with flight costs, which I am very grateful for. And they have flown out to see me 4 times over the years. My 2 brothers have never flown out to see me, but they do have kids now so I partially understand. I don’t have kids. My brothers and their spouses aren’t raking in the money, but they have houses and stable jobs and it’s cheaper in Pennsylvania. I’m just a little jaded because it’s always me using my vacation time and paying most of the way to see my family. I understand I am the one who moved away and therefore paying to see them is my burden, but I honestly don’t think I can keep affording this - especially when I get a house. My idea was for me, my parents, and my brothers to cover the cost for me to see them 3 ways. They seemed like I was out of hand for requesting such an idea.. Am I the asshole? | If you can’t afford to do it then don’t visit them. |
AITAH for cutting off a friend after trying to emotionally support everyone and getting blamed? | I (22M) recently cut off a close friend (22F) and I’m not sure if I’m the asshole.
For context, she comes from a very toxic family and isn’t allowed to date. Because of this, she relies heavily on external love and validation from friends and relationships. She dated my close friend (23M) for 9 months. I was never really supportive of the relationship because it felt unhealthy and risky for the friend group. My friend became emotionally dependent on her and even started borrowing money from me just to please her.
When they broke up, I initially felt relieved, but then found out it wasn’t because they were incompatible, it was because her mom found out about the relationship. She said she still wanted to be friends with him, but her version of “friends” was acting like they were still dating without the label. This made him uncomfortable and gave him mixed signals. At one point, he even went to her campus uninvited just to see her (which I found creepy and concerning).
I became the bridge between them, trying to set boundaries and calm things down. I supported both of them emotionally, bought gifts, made sure the friend group stayed together, and tried to keep everyone okay. Less than a month later, she started dating someone new. This made her ex spiral even more. She hid her IG stories from him so he wouldn’t get hurt, but when he found out, he felt betrayed.
At this point, I focused more on helping him move on journaling, hanging out, supporting him. Meanwhile, she vented to me about missing her ex and having problems with her new boyfriend. I even helped her communicate better with her new partner. Eventually, her new relationship improved, but seeing her happy again hurt her ex.
She then started saying that me and others were villainizing her and that we never cared about her. When I checked in on her, she snapped and said I never gave a shit about her. I listed all the things I’d done to support her. She didn’t reply (which she often does).
Later, she messaged me saying everything was her fault, that she ruined the friend group and her ex. I tried reassuring her. Then she blamed me for “letting things happen” and said we all treated her badly. I pointed out that I always tried to reach out but she ignored me. She said answering texts was her last priority and that none of us knew what she was going through.
I got frustrated and sent a long message calling out her contradictions and telling her she needed to appreciate her friends and communicate. She told me that if we didn’t want to be her friends, we could all just walk away. I didn't know what to respond so I just said I hoped she would grow as a person.
She then replied with that I’d never understand her, that it was pointless to explain. I lost my temper and told her she was shooting herself in the foot by pushing people away. I suggested therapy but she rejected it unless it involved medication. She then asked if this was because of the breakup, If so, let her ex be the one who talks to her. I told her that this wasn’t just about the breakup anymore it was about her being a shitty friend.
I then asked what she truly wanted from us. She replied with *“There’s no point in asking for help when I have nothing to offer anyone.”*
At that point, I felt completely drained and decided to stop being her friend. But now I feel guilty and wonder if I should’ve tried harder.
AITAH for walking away? | NTA but I think you should learn from this experience. Stay out of people's relationships. Let it unfold naturally. Perhaps saying she needs therapy was a bit mean. |
AITAH for Getting Upset Over a Comment My Boyfriend Left Under Another Girl's Instagram Post | I (31f) have been with my boyfriend (30m) for almost two years now but we have known each other since we were kids. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with his baby so I am not sure if I'm right in feeling upset or if it's just the pregnancy hormones. Today I was doom scrolling on all my social media accounts and decided to check my Instagram account. I noticed that I had some notifications so I checked them and saw that my boyfriend had commented on a friend of his post. I open the notification and he had commented on a post where the friend in question only has a tee shirt on. His comment was two heart eye emojis, a fire emoji and a heart emoji. All the years I've known him, he has never once commented anything like that on any of my pictures. I feel heartbroken as he knows I am VERY insecure about my looks. I don't know if I should confront him about this so AITAH for getting upset about his comment? | It is not pregnancy hormones. I hate how women have been conditioned to doubt their initial gut reactions. I'm sorry to say that it is time to have a conversation with your boyfriend. This isn't an isolated incident, is just the first you've seen. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. |
WIBTAH if I decided to do a petty thing? | My gym has a large locker room with many lockers in which you bring your own lock for securing your personal items. Each day I go in and open up a locker to put my belongings in only to find that it's already full but no lock (which would indicate it's on use and secure the person's things. No big deal. Except that, after opening 99% of them finding the same, hoodies, sweatpants, etc and no lock on these doors it becomes a huge frustration. I've often thought to myself, if they're not going to lock up their stuff then I might as well free it up myself. The cynical side of me wants to remove all of the belongings from unlocked lockers and just put them in a pile for people to have fun with when they come back to the lockers. Would this be justice? Or teaching folks a lesson? Or WIBTAH? Thanks! | YWBTA. find a different locker. Justice for what? They haven't done anything wrong. |
AITAH for not engaging in fake behavior to appease my in-laws | My (33F) fiancé (32M) comes from a very chaotic family: an alcoholic mom, an avoidant / emotionally distant dad, and constant fighting at nearly every gathering. I try to stay neutral, but over the years his mom has made several passive-aggressive & straight up aggressive comments toward me, so I mostly keep my guard up. Mind you, these comments didn’t garnish more than a sniff from most family members (half hearted condolences, zero accountability, shrugs all around).
I try to just be cordial with everyone, although I have gotten close with my SIL, who married into this family before me and understands the dynamic from a “outsiders perspective”.
The issue is my fiancé’s youngest sibling’s girlfriend, who’s been around about 3 years.
We don’t have much in common (she’s in her early 20s, generally reserved behavior, big party phase of life). That alone doesn’t bother me but she consistently avoids interacting at family events. Instead of talking in a group, or with some of the women on the side, even when invited, she’ll stay with the men chatting about sports while clearly not enjoying it. It’s odd, but not overly offensive, and just feels a little crappy that she’s never wanted to really get to know me or SIL. As a result, we’ve kept things polite but surface-level.
In the last year, the youngest sibling’s behavior has changed—withdrawn, angsty, and glued to her. Ever since they moved in together. We’ve also heard her make disrespectful comments about him in front of family (calling him a pussy for getting drunk quickly, or poking fun at how little he eats- which he likely has an ED). The biggest red flag was her openly admitting to being on a dating app “for fun” while in a relationship with him. Several of us found this concerning, but decided not to interfere and just offer youngest sibling some support, which was brushed off.
Around that same time, SIL had her own negative experience with this girlfriend, that caused tension in SIL’s marriage. Maybe I’m biased, but I just can’t see how her part in that was anything other than intentional.
Because of all this, I stopped going out of my way to include or engage with her during family outings. She’s not the type of person to say hi, greet you with a hug, or ask how it’s going. So I just started acting similarly. I’m still polite, if she wants to talk to me I’ll talk back, I’m just not fake or going out of my to include her or try to force something that doesn’t want to bloom. Apparently this was noticed, and my future FIL told my fiancé that me and SIL are being “not inclusive” toward her and he wants to see changed behavior. Since when do we stick up for people in this family??? I digress.
My fiancé doesn’t want to explain the real reasons to his dad, so it was brushed off. Now I’m frustrated because I feel like I’m being painted as a bully when I’m just choosing not to fake friendliness toward someone I don’t trust and who wouldn’t give me their pocket lint to keep warm.
AITAH for keeping my distance / protecting my energy instead of pretending everything’s fine to keep the peace that doesn’t really exist in the first place?
| Ok I need to know what she did to SILs marriage tho!😱
When you say it was not unnoticed, do we think that the father-in-law is saying this because he specifically he noticed or do we think that she said something to him or she said something to the youngest sibling and then he said something to father? I only ask because honestly, I’m very much like you. It’s just not worth the energy to be like fake and go out of your way but you’re still willing to be polite and cordial, and my instinct would be like talk to the girl one on one, but I mean it sounds like maybe she’s a manipulative and she would intentionally mistake that kind of directness as like you trying to be intimidating instead of you coming to her out of respect as an adult. I still think it’s worth talking to her directly because there’s absolutely no benefit to having her message filtered through father-in-law and then you wanting to respond but then again having your message filtered through father-in-law and I guess I understand why it’s especially confusing since you’re like since when do people stick up for people in that family but maybe it’s because she spoke up and you never have. I dunno. This is murky. |
AITAH because I want him to stop drinking? | Hello everyone,
for context: my partner and I lived together, until he moved out last year June, so he could be closer (2 instead of 8 minutes) to his kids from a former relationship with an abusive partner. He basically fled from our home. This idea came after his friends there (next village) told him, that he should come by more often and his mother pressured him to live on his own.
Well, he insists I stay over night at his apartment, because he fears he could hurt himself. I agreed to that, because I know or at least thought he be depressive.
Ever since he is drinking daily in his or his "friends" garage. He lies about drinking, he lies about where he is, he finds every excuse not to spent one evening with me. He does, but just if I literally fight for it, or if he is horny. He knows no sex if he is drunk.
So, in the end, he is getting drunk day by day and still doesn't do a thing about to see his kids more often (even though they asked him for help, because of their abusive mother). Instead I'm cut low on money, being locked into the apartment or he "by accident" always "needs" to hold on me (physically) violently (because he is tumbling), when I'm telling him "either me or the beer". His friends feed him with ideas like the annoying wife and so on.
If he is drunk he is insulting and disrespectful.
But just if he is drunk. Clear in his mind, he is a total different person. At least he was one.
So: AITAH because I want him to stop drinking?
| YTA for staying in this relationship. |
AITAH for not wanting to give my mom my credit card. | Sorry for possible mistakes, English is not my first language.
I (26 female) have a difficult relationship with my parents (48 female and 49 male) and grandparents (65 female and 74 male), especially after i started dating my now husband (25 male). They controlled every step of my life, told me what to do, and if I did something like I wanted, they guilted me, screamed at me and after that - ignored me, but it's not a story for now.
They never let me get my own credit card, like really, I wasn't allowed to have it, also they always "knew better" about what I have to do with my money, with money that I've been paid at my job (I am an accountant.) I'm not a conflict person, so I did everything I could, to not cause one.
When I started dating my husband, the out of blue, they hated him. So I stopped talking to my family. Of course they started to blame me, and my husband, and start to tell everyone that I'm brat. That all get my depression worst. And I was taking meds for 2 years. They even, practically threw us out of the apartment where we started to live (and I lived there for more than 10 years, where i also with my parents made reconditioning with there and my money, but than theytold me that i didn't pay for anything and did nothing at all). For two years we were renting apartments, and trying to figure all out. But once they decided to make peace with us, and we decided to go with it. They even suggested that we can live in my aunts house (who passed away not so long ago), but there were no water, no heating system and etc.
So me and my husband made all we could to make that house more liveable, that means we had to borrow money from a bank to make this happen. I won't tell the amount of the chalk (around 3-4k). But for 1 month we made that house very liveable, and moved there.
Now my mom has a huge problem with that debet, and want that I gave her MY credit card, so she could pay OUR debt, cause apparently she can't live with that, and me and my husband wouldn't be allowed to use that card at all, although we are still doing repairs there (heating, electricity, construction work, etc.). And she said that when everything is paid off, I should close my credit account in the bank and never use credit funds again under any circumstances. Only except to borrow money from my parents (if they have the opportunity to give it). My husband and I don't earn so much that we can do the construction and pay utilities and be able to buy at least basic food with that money. And these quarrels and moves (4 moves in 2 years) are already getting tiring. And that's exactly why we had a scandal, because my husband and I don't want to give the card back, and we are trying to convey that if they want to help, then please help, but you shouldn't take anything away from us (again) and make demands. (I understand if we spent that money on some clothes, travel, party, etc. But we spent it so that we could have a place to live as soon as possible, at least with minimal comfort).
So, am I overreacting?
Sorry for my post, it turned out maybe a little longer than I thought and maybe a little confusing.
| NTA.
Cut your parents off. If you want to maintain a family relationship with them, do so, but when the conversation turns to money, you shut it down.
The follow up here is that you won't be able to count on your parents for any kind of financial support moving forward, but it sounds like they aren't in a position to help anyway. If cutting your parents off this way results in problems with extended family, you have to accept those as the consequences of looking out for your own financial well-being.
You are an adult, and free to make your own choices. Once you make the choice, you accept the consequences. You will be the A-hole here if you're hoping for a solution where everything goes the way you want. |
AITAH for dating a girl's sister after she initially showed interest in me? | So I 20M have been friends with 19F Miranda for close to 6 months. We initially met in a study group for a college physics class but became study buddies and friends on our own. About a month ago she invited me to a party at her place to celebrate her dog turning one (I literally just think she wanted an excuse to throw a party lol).
During that party I met her sister Christine 21F. When I say I was absolutely charmed and smitten by Christine, I mean it. She's so pretty and we had so many of the same nerdy interests it felt like we could talk for hours. We exchanged numbers and Instagrams and continued talking. Over the following days, I started hanging out with Christine one on one. I mustered up the courage to ask her out and she said yes. We went on a date to the aquarium and had a blast. We are now officially an dating.
Here's where the problem comes in. I knew recently Miranda started developing some feelings for me. Some mutual friends told me. We have just been friends up until this point. I haven't really had time to explore my own feelings for Miranda up until the party with finals and working full-time. However, upon meeting Christine, I knew I just wanted to keep it platonic.
Miranda has taken my new relationship with Christine about as well as... well about as well as a young woman whose sister took the boy she likes. Not great. She's been ice cold to me and Christine told me things have been a little frosty at home for her as well. Supposedly Miranda never told Christine about her crush on me. I asked Christine if it bothered her that I might be interfering in their sisterly relationship and she just said "Nope. You're cute. Finders keepers."
I asked Miranda and I's mutual friends and they pretty much all unanimously think I'm the asshole who shouldn't have made a pass at Christine. Idk. I just felt so attracted to her in a way I wasn't to Miranda.
I feel like I need a perspective that's not invested in me or Miranda. Reddit, am I the Asshole?
| Right so... Miranda never indicated *to you* that she liked you, you never indicated to her you were interested? She can't call dibs on you, much less by letting you hear a rumour. |
AITAH for reporting a new hire ? | Hello!
So I work in a facility for older people. I've been here for a few years now, and I love it. I work in the dietary/food department of the facility, and it’s basically like a restaurant: they sit in the dining room, order from a menu, and we serve the food and then after service , we either clean the dining room , do dishes , or prepare snacks and desserts for the next shift.
So we just got this new hire barely a week ago, she’s an older lady, around 60s\~70s, and to say it’s been awful working with her is something. For starters, she gets up in everyone’s face ( I mean legit right in your face and when you try to move she gets closer) and complains about everything about the place, which whatever imo, I can handle the complaints.
Secondly, she will try to start a conversation with us while trying to serve food, and I mean like, “Where are you from?” “Oh, I just love the soup here”. Stuff you usually don’t talk about while in the middle of service since it’s distracting.
Lastly, this only applies to me, so I have speech issues. I stutter a bit and I can’t pronounce a few words correctly ( mostly my Rs )and nobody at work has said anything about it since everybody knows I’m sensitive about it. Anyway this past Saturday, I was trying to show this new hire how to write a ticket for someone, and I couldn’t say the woman’s name correctly cuz I can’t say my Rs very well. This new hire processes to say “Oh you say her name so funny? You should pronounce it better next time because you said it so weirdly.” I didn’t say anything about it cuz I was speechless and I didn’t know WHAT to say to that. So I just still silent the entire time and pawned her off on someone else.
Today, it was me, my manager, and this new hire. After lunch service ended, my manager had to go help a different department out because they were short-staffed, so it was just me and her. So I had to show her how to record what people ate on the computer. And I couldn’t say the word, Room, correctly because I stuttered over it and it came out as “ woom”. I was going to correct myself and then she says “ woom” and laughs at me right in front of my face. To say I was livid would be an understatement but I didn’t want to yell at her. So I calmly told her I had speech issues and I can’t pronounce a lot of my words correctly the first time but I try to correct myself. She just says “ oh ok” and I thought that was the end of that.
Not even 20 minutes later. I’m showing her how to roll silverware and I couldn’t say roll correctly and SHE PROCEEDS TO MAKE FUN OF ME AGAIN. Mind you 3 other people showed her how to roll sliver ware earlier in the week and she just forgot how to do it. I had to walk away from her at that moment because I was actually pissed and was so closed to yelling at her.
I told my manager about her and her comments after my shift and she agrees with me that it’s out of line for her to say that and that I should tell my boss about it when I see him next time. But deep down I feel bad because she is a older lady and her other job laid her off cuz they shut down the department she was working in and I don’t want to be the reason why she’s loses her job here cuz she said “ she loved it here” (even tho she complains every 5 seconds but whatever) but I also know her comments are out of pocket and she can’t keep up with the fast pace and physical labor of this job. So I don’t know what to do? Would I be the asshole and tell him about everything? | \>I don’t want to be the reason why she’s loses her job
I'll stop you there. You would NOT be at fault. I've been an office/manufacturing environments. You cannot make fun of people's speech like she's doing. She's out of line. Never let someone treat you that way at work. Once it starts, it gets worse and worse. Suddenly, you'll find you stop enjoying what you do.
\> I've been here for a few years now, and I love it
Don't let this get ruined by someone that doesn't treat people with respect. |
AITAH for not liking my boyfriends dog? | Hello I would first like to start by saying I, 24 (F), love animals very much and have 2 of my own cats. My boyfriend and I, 26 (M), have been together for 4 years and have lived together for 2. Before we started dating, I had two of my own cats and he had a golden doodle. His golden doodle is very well behaved and gets along fine with my cats so when we started dating and living together the house dynamic was always great. Recently his parent’s dog passed away so they decided to get a new old English sheepdog puppy. The dog was not local so my boyfriend and I kindly agreed to driving to pick up their new puppy 4 hours away. Within the first week of his parents having the new puppy, they offered us to keep her for a month to enjoy her being so adorable which we thought would be fun in exchange that they would take my boyfriends golden doodle. I quickly learned the only reason why his parents did this was because the new puppy was pooping and peeing on their beds, couches, carpets, etc. Eventually the month had passed and we exchanged dogs again after sleepless night of her barking while being crate trained and having to clean poop and pee up at minimum 4 times a day. This was no issue until recently, his mom demanded we take the dog for Christmas because she was having guests sleep over and she “never wanted this dog and can’t handle her right now”. We obliged to help relieve her some stress because the puppy is now 7 months but still very disobedient with potty training, biting, jumping, and chewing through furniture which is all to be expected from a puppy to a certain extent. We exchanged dogs and after watching her a week even after Christmas I decided enough was enough when I came home one day to her shitting on the carpet and peeing on the couch. It is also important to mention that she chases my cats around alllllll, and I mean alllll day she wants to jump at them, chew their tails, eat their food, and growl/ bark at them. I do everything I possible can to correct these behaviors however, this is oneeee stubborn puppy and she simply does not take discipline properly yet. My boyfriend and I bring the puppy back to his parents house and his mom has a melt down saying “we can’t bring her back we have to keep her for one more week because I just repainted the stairs that she chewed through”. My boyfriend did not say anything and silently let his mom demand we keep her for longer, which I of course was respectful of because I love my in laws and avoid conflict at any cost. We have now had her for 2 months and his parents refuse to switch dogs back with us. I’ve had a sit down conversation with my boyfriend and asked him if we would be keeping the puppy forever and he immediately said yes. I was very confused considering I wish he would have had the courtesy to be honest with me that he wanted the dog and to keep her with us. I would like to mention that I do 100% of all house chores that you could possible think of. So I feel like I am disproportionately cleaning up after all of the new puppy’s poop and pee despite me making it very clear that if she is to stay her I want absolutely nothing to do with the clean up process since I never agreed to a new pet for the next 15 years of my life. It is very stressful having her and I can’t help but feel like this is an unfair situation. My boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship and want to get married but I can’t help but feel like this changed a lot of our future dynamic. Our conversation was very mature and we talked about how I felt about this because I told him I didn’t want to resent him, his parents, or the puppy however, the conversation was very unproductive. He just apologized for not being honest with me that he planned to keep the puppy and didn’t think about having to tell me. Regardless we still have the puppy. Does anyone have any advice on how I should navigate this? I’ve been trying to let it go and learn to love the new change but I simply can’t shake my resentment. It’s been a full month and I still get irrationally upset at him and his parents regarding the entire situation. Am I being too dramatic about the situation? | no - i love dogs more than anything and i would be LIVID if someone took my dog, which was well behaved because I spent time training it and replaced it with a terror of a puppy. I’d be driving it back to the in-laws and dropping it off with them. They got the dog, it’s not your responsibility. |
AITAH - i (f20) kissed someone (m20) who was talking to someone | hi, i was back from uni for a month and i ended up catching up with a few old friends and ended up partying quite a bit and going out and having fun. my friend brought a guy from his uni to go out with us, i found him handsome and i immediately knew i wanted to get with him at some point of the night.
my friend ended up telling me that this guy was talking to someone who was his friend and to avoid flirting with him. i told him i wouldn’t make a move, but if it happened it happened. we ended up kissing at some point of the night after he started making moves on me. he told me he was talking to someone for a month and they had been on a date . i felt instantly really guilty, im now going to see him again on a holiday we’re going on and the girl he’s talking to. i feel really terrible. i feel like i crossed a boundary by kissing him, that i was being the girl i never thought i’d be.
i was quite drunk and i didn’t think it mattered or id see him again. but idk, i feel terrible now. am i the asshole? please be honest with me, because i don’t mind. | What he's doing to her he'll do to you. |
AITAH if i wish my mom would kick her mooching cousin out of our house? | i apologize in advance for any errors, english isn't my native language
i (f21) live with my mom (f64) in an apartment in the city, and we have been for the past ten years. we live a pretty comfortable life, partly because my father has always offered to help pay a part of the rent since he has a higher salary than my mom. i recently graduated uni and i'm getting my driver's license so i can get a job and help out financially.
all was good until about a year ago, when my mom's cousin (f54) lost her job and couldn't pay her rent anymore, so my mom offered to let her stay until she could get back on her feet..and she hasn't left since.
she doesn't help out either financially or even just around the house by cleaning, she plays loud music or videos even when i'm trying to sleep, and she's a heavy smoker and actively chooses to smoke in the kitchen instead of the balcony two feet away because of the cold, so the whole house reeks of smoke (i also have a cat and she will smoke with it in the same room if i don't notice and let it out).
she started sleeping in my room at one point, claiming my mattress was "better for her legs" than the one in the bedroom even if they're the same, but i fortunately managed to get it back recently.
the problem is, i've talked about this to my mom, about how i'm exhausted, about how i can't even have a conversation about anything with her cousin without being interrupted a thousand times because "she knows better" and she's "educated on the topic" (the education being youtube videos with dubious sources), but she always tells me to think about how she's feeling and to put myself in her shoes..but why can't she just say something? it's not like her cousin is a child, after all. hell, it feels like i'm more mature than her sometimes.
it feels like i'm invisible in my own house, i'm sick of it and i just want her gone.
aitah? | NTA Sounds absolutely horrible. |
AITAH for kicking this guy out? | Sorry it’s a lot to read, but it’s driving me nuts please.
Let me give some background:
About 7-8 months ago (so last year Aug/Sept maybe) this 18yr old I worked with was getting kicked out by his parents (now I see why). His dad was our new GM and ran the business to sh\*t so as a last F U I let his some move in with me. TOLD him it was temporary, TOLD him he couldn’t stay longer than 6months or until he went to the military like he planned because then he’d have the barracks. TOLD him literally in the car to go grab his stuff from his house that he would have THREE chores, that’s it. And it was basic stuff, just vacuum the living room (it’s not big.), take out the trash to burn, and wash the dishes! I even told him if he could just wash the dishes, I wouldn’t mind either. He says “cool. That’s easy! No problem I can do that.” Cool.
He does it for two weeks. And then it’s me saying hey can you do this please, can this be done before I get back from work, please please please. Like, I’m NOT your mother. Honestly, it didn’t bother me at first. I get it, three(3) (yes three of us in a 2bed trailer) people and it’s crowded but two of us STAY in our rooms when we’re home and leave you the living room as privacy. I did not get the same respect back.
Incident one: WEED. MARIJUANA. In my cats water bowl. F\*cking kidding me? And then when I text he he says, oh I didn’t see that. And I was like bs. And then he says. “Oh I saw it but I was gonna get it after work.” ?!?? TAKES YOU LESS THAN A SECOND TO STOOP DOWN TO GET IT? Or just dump it and refill it? Livid, I was.
Now this current incident: me and him have to share a bathroom since I have a guest room, bathroom isn’t connected to my room. He left the toilet clogged to the BRIM of the toilet bowl. It literally threatened to spill over. I was PISSED. But, I sent a very neutral paragraph to our groupchat, just simply asking that since it’s the start of the new year, we start over as a team and start pitching in again, get into some routines so that messes don’t pile up and stack. I stopped cleaning around the house to see who was doing what, only for nothing to get cleaned. Floor covered in dirt, table covered in crumbs from the air fryer. Nasty. He wants to respond with. “I’m not reading all dat fo sho tho👍”. To which I immediately exploded. Told him to stop being childish and that if I needed to I would call the police to have him removed because this is the SECOND time he tried to refuse to leave. He only agreed after I told him the home renter who we’re staying with, told me it was MY final decision whether he stayed or went because he thought he was on his side. He tried to threaten me with calling the cops too, but literally he’s broke + I have too many photos and screenshots about how he’s living on MY couch and talking to me with disrespect. In the end he knew he wasn’t going to win so he accepted defeat saying he’ll just get his stuff no big deal🙄. Stress me tf out on my day off boy istg. | YTA for letting someone live at your house just to piss off your boss? Who does that?
Just call the police if he won't leave. |
aitah for hating all my friends? | I know it sounds bad but i F(13) genuinely hate all my friends and not in a bad way it's just that I have strict parents but their not overly strict but they had said no to hangouts more than a few times (im talking 90% of the time) and my friends parents are a lot less laid back than my parents so they are constantly hanging out without me which don't get me wrong it not a bad thing but im talking anytime i've hung out with my friends i've been the one planing other than birthdays i've never been invited anywhere but all i see is snap stories of people together and photo dumps on tiktok about each other so it hurts a lot especially for a teen girl. most of them are also super rude in person and treat me as the fall back friend that they only really care about once there's a fight or they need to talk shit. Now you might think "maybe your the problem" but i actually think that i'm a nice person and i've always been there for other people but now it seems like none of my friends really care about me, it once took them 3 hours to realize that i left the hangout because it was like im invisible. Call me dramatic but This is how I feel. | Dear Lord, this is just one massive run on sentence. There are only about two periods in the entire thing. |
AITAH for telling my bf he is ungrateful about the plans I made for his bday? | I (25f) have been asking my bf (29 going on 30m) what he wants to do for his bf for about a month now and every time I ask he responds with “idk” or “I haven’t really been thinking about it” and I tell him to lmk so I can plan accordingly. He never tells me what he wants to do, so I planned everything for him. I made reservations for a nice hotel, dinner reservations that’s within walking distance of the hotel, and a helicopter tour that brings you around dt Chicago (we live in a Chicago suburb) I also made plans for brunch the next day and then figured we’d have time to talk about what he wanted to do.
Long story short, we end up getting into an argument bc when he heard about the helicopter ride he did not seem like he cared in the slightest. I asked him if that was something he wanted to do and he said yes, but it didn’t seem like he was telling the truth. I let it go and he just suddenly starts being distant AGAIN (he is very back and forth with his intimacy towards me) I get fed up and I start telling him how ungrateful he is being but he insists that he liked the idea of the helicopter ride but instead wants to play Pokemon Go that day…..I gave this dude 2-3 weeks to tell me what he wanted to do before I took it upon myself to plan something that I thought would be really nice for him. It’s also not even like I am telling him we can’t play Pokemon go (even though I think he’s too old for that crap) He seems like he is intentionally going out of his way to be ungrateful and to make me seem like I am the AH for wanting to celebrate him. | [deleted] |
Skin removal surgery. AITAH? | I, 34F, have been with my boyfriend, 27M, for 14 months. I have lost 130 pounds total, but 60 of those pounds in the last 14 months since we met. We have talked about skin removal surgery, but I have a lot of fears. I tend to become obsessive and I am mostly concerned that I will hyper-fixate even more on my body. I am very happy with where I am now. I don’t love the loose skin, but I definitely dont hate enough to go under surgery 100% any time soon. After a discussion today, it came out that essentially my entire future of my relationship is dependent on me having the surgery and that my boyfriend really doesn’t like the skin. He doesn’t understand why I am so upset with his reaction and ultimately his attempts at giving me an ultimatum. Am I overreacting about my fears about the skin removal? | Why would you contemplate removing skin, going through major surgery and financial costs for a man you have only been with for 14 months. This is your decision and the only advice you need is with your doctor. If he doesn’t like it show him the door. And congrats on your achievement and only do things for you not for others especially for a man. |
WIBTAH if I told my wife we start couples therapy or im out? | Background: I am 40M, wife is 39F. We both work full time. No kids. 1 cat, 1 dog, we both have significant chronic pain issues. Married 9 years in February. I work from home and she works in a clinic.
The problem as I see it: I work 40 hours a week, and make about triple what my wife does. She works 30-35 hours a week. I do 100% of laundry, cooking, dishes. I feed the animals twice a day every day, I do 80% of dog walking and such. My wife does 100% of cleaning the litter boxes.
My wife WILL NOT clean up after herself. Literally leaves cloths everywhere. Wherever it comes off is where it lands. Kitchen, tv room, either bathroom, bedroom. Basically everywhere except the hamper. She also leaves trash or dishes everywhere. I do at least 80% of the clean up for all of that.
I take out the trash and take the cans to the street, and we split bringing them back in.
Currently I pay for 100% of utilities and shared expenses. She is on my insurance plan and only pays for deductables(at least 50% of which she uses my CC for). Additionally, almost all of our savings and retirement is funded because of me being diligent. To be fair, her dad owns the house we live in so we dont pay rent(which is why I can put so much to retirement and savings tbh).
My chronic pain causes me to withdraw when I am feeling awful so I dont snap at her when she isn't doing something warranting it. She lashes out when hers flares up. To be as clear as I can, my perception is that when she is in a lot of pain, everything sucks so she is short, rude, and inconsiderate every time she opens her mouth. I definitely have unfairly lashed out at her over the last few years in relation to my pain, so I am trying not to be hypocritical here, but it feels like there is a significantly disproportionate investment into our relationship and I am feeling very burnt out and taken advantage of.
Tldr: things are stagnant at best and I feel like im being expected to take care of too much. WIBTAH if I told her we need couples therapy to start fixing our relationship or I bounce?
Edit :UPDATE for clarity, I do a group therapy twice a month for my condition and 1-2x a month personal therapy as well. Big part of why I feel asking for couples therapy is the next step since we are not resolving things ourselves and its not getting better.
Edit 2: I mentioned the financial stuff in addition to everything else not because I specifically care if she contributes financially or not, but to point out she is not contributing to the relationship much in a general sense. I wouldn't particularly mind if she didn't have a job at all, as long as she was actually participating in our lives and the maintenance of it. To me, it feels like I pay for almost everything, I do all of the cooking, almost all of the cleaning, the general maintenance stuff around the house, and in return she cleans literboxes. It doesn't feel like a partnership.
I don't demand or expect a perfect 50/50 accounting but as it stands, it feels very one sided to me. I bring up couples therapy because I 100% expect there are blind spots for me and I am missing what I could be better with, or if I'm making her life harder for no reason. This post was written in frustration, so its going to come off biased from my point of view. If I knew for certain it was as cut and dry as it sounds and she just didn't care, I wouldn't be looking to go to therapy with her. | NTAH. It sounds less like an ultimatum and more like you naming how exhausted and unsupported you feel after carrying so much for so long. |
AITAH for setting this boundary with my family? | Mainly need to vent, but I genuinely want to know if this was a valid boundary to make.
For context:
\-I have always struggle with weight. I'm currently overweight 70lbs heavier.
\-My main issue has always been psychological which I have worked and continue working with my therapist. Also fixing my relationship with food. These past 2 years I have been eating a lot better, with the occasional treats, but nothing like before. Now this year I'll be working on some extra exercise. To give you an idea, I'm active on my feet all day and work with kids.
\-My family and I live in different cities.
\----
So we decided to get together and take a trip as we hadn't been all together in the same place for a few years.
Knowing I was coming, I thought I'd treat myself and enjoy things I don't normally do. For example, drink a regular pop you can't really find where I live, and balance it with diet pop, eat snacks I cannot find back home, etc.
My sis tends to be a bit judgy and when you try to set the boundary she gets defensive and acts like I'm the one creating the drama.
So we are buying groceries and I'm paying my part so I'm choosing what I want. I chose regular pop AND diet pop.
When I tell you my family goes "we worry about your health that's too much sugar. I know you don't normally eat this," I had to set a boundary and asked them to just stop. Of course, my sis goes well there's no need to get angry. Nobody asked for anybody's opinion and I am more than allowed to treat myself while I'm on VACATION. And I hate it that this happens on every trip.
They wouldn't be saying this to their friends or their co workers.
I thought a weight loss/health journey was supposed to be gradual. Not ok tomorrow you'll lose 20 lbs and eat excellent.
Also to give more context, I get my health checks regularly and so far aside from being overweight, I have gotten a clean bill of health. Sugar levels good, blood pressure great, nothing of concern. So I don't understand this whole "we worry about your health" as if drinking regular pop here and there during vacation is suddenly gonna make me go to the ICU.
I already asked them just stop stressing me out and let me make my own decisions. So we'll see what happens. | NTA, vacations are where you indulge. Maybe comment about every damn thing family eats. Because you know full well they aren't all eating just celery.
NTA, and people who think they have the right to judge other people's food choices end up on my no contact list.
It is alright to have a boundary about comments like that. Just be willing to follow through with consequences for their actions. |
AITAH planet fitness locker room | I (male) just started going back to the gym. I’ve had a planet fitness membership that I’ve used dozens but not hundreds of times over the years. Went into the gym at 2am to find the overnight (male) employee sitting on a locker room bench playing on his phone. I just stashed my stuff and went out to the machines. A few people of mixed gender are also here working out and there was a guy in the bathroom while I was in the locker room. It appeared that the bathrooms had just been cleaned and the employee was taking a break. My question is do y’all think it’s acceptable for them to be taking breaks in the locker room while customers are trying to use it? | Yes? Why wouldn't it be? Maybe he didn't want to sit in the break room, maybe he was going to clean or service the locker room next so it was easier to chill there. Maybe he was waiting for the bathroom to be available.
Was he in your way at all? If not, I don't understand why this is an issue. |
AITAH for trying to break up my brother's relationship | I (20f\] have a older brother who is 25 years. old. Basically when we grew up my brother basically took care of me bcaucse we grew up in a very abusive home. My dad died when I was 16 and my brother moved out then because he didn't want to leave my mom and me in the house with my dad.
My brother has a girlfriend for the last three years. Shes not only much older than him but she is very abusive to him as well and I was able to see that from my personal experiences with abuse. She hits him even in front of my mom and me and never lets him go out by myself. She downloaded something of his phone so she could like see what he was doing. She broke this watch Id given him for his birthday but said it was an accident. Like I went out with my brother one time and she kept calling him asking him who he was with.
I kept telling my brother that he was abusive but he said that he was just grateful someone actually loved him. I got very hurt and said that mom and me also love him and definitely more than she does. He just smiled really sadly so I did not continue the conversation. Basicaly he's like a puppy in front of her.
So I decided to break the relationship. I basically asked one of my friends to hit on her because I thought she would cheat on my brother. Basically she didn't and found out that I told my friend to hit on her and told my brother who came to talk to me and was really sad.
I said that I was just doing what was good for him but he said he couldn't believe Id do something like that even though it was for a good reason. My mom isn't supporting me either.
So, aitaH for trying to break my brother's relationship?? | Your heart was in the right place but YTA. |
AITAH For Not Helping My Ex-Friend With Her Alibi | Ok so before I begin just know I'm not the best in terms of grammar and punctuation so I hope y'all can excuse any upcoming typos and such I will try and see if I can fix any.
This is my first time posting about anything like this and fair warning its a long story but I will try not to create a post the size of a novel for you. Also I will not be using real names throughout this post.
So going into the past to try and explain the "ex-friend" part of this story first I (22F at the time) had a best friend who we will call Kara (20F) so me and Kara knew each other since she was 15 and I was 17 and in that time she dated many boys 1 of which was my younger brother Darren (same age as Kara) and they dated for 2 years but after they broke up as the years passed she would have more and more boyfriends and it got close to like 6 boyfriends in the span of a year I think and she would always say how great the guys are when they date but when they, for me unexpectedly break up she would have all these negative things to say and how they were terrible throughout the relationship. Now at this point and time being told me and Kara were living in my older brother Liams (27yo) house to help him cause he had got that house not long before and we wanted to help him start paying off his new mortgage and bills he just got (its his first house to own) and Kara was dating this guy Tyler (28M) now Tyler at the time was a coworker of mine and Karas and we all worked at the Subway down the road from my brother's house and Liam works at Walmart.
All 4 of us were good friends in a sense and I will go ahead and mention (with Tyler's permission) Tyler is not a good man he has a record and was going to court at this time for stealing but he was always very professional at work and always knew how to make someone laugh. Now one night me and Tyler were working the closing shift and after I drove us both to my brother's house after picking up my brother from his work as well (I was the only one at the time with a car cause Tyler's had broken down on the side of the interstate at some point and before he could get someone to get it people had already scavenged it for the fuel tank and the headlights I believe) Tyler was coming over cause he got a text earlier from Kara asking if he could come over, she was the only one home at the time so you can imagine our surprise to find 2 cars in the lawn when we got home at first we were worried someone was robbing the place and when Tyler and Liam went into the house to check things out they found that Kara's family was in the house carrying boxes and loading them into the cars while practically ignoring us now I knew her family but Kara would constantly tell us how her mom and brothers were abusive when nobody was looking and I know one of her brothers cause we went to school together he had a bit of a temper but I've never known him to go that far with anyone and when I would ask her what they would do to her she would roll up her sleeve or her pants and there would be a bruise there and she would say they caused it but a few times she would tell me this I would remember being there on a day she received said bruise and I remembered that one of times she got it from a game of dodgeball at our church and she asked me to help get some frozen peas out of the freezer, and another she got when she went hiking with me and my family through a state park. Both times her family were nowhere around and definitely did not cause the bruise.
But now she had invited her family to the house without telling anyone and was having them help her pack her stuff up cause she was moving back in with her mom the whole time they were packing Kara refused to talk to us but right before she left she had written a note for each of us telling us she was leaving and how she loved us all, after they left I went to my room only to find my bedroom door was open and my bedsheets were messed up it didn't look like anything was missing or stolen but I felt violated in a way cause I had no clue who went in my room while I was gone and Kara and her family were here, we hadn't heard from Kara since.
Now at the time she left my dad was sick with an extremely rare, extremely aggressive cancer when he was first diagnosed he had went to other doctors before going to the ER for having on and off fever spikes and the other doctors all told he just had the common cold or flu but when he went to the ER with my mom they ran tests and found a lump and if you knew my dad he was always active and took great care of his body he trained for triathlons but mostly ran 5ks he would run, bike, swim and go hiking with the family regularly so we all found it almost impossible to believe that he had such a cancer and when he got the diagnosis the doctors told him even with chemo and treatment they determined he would only live 6 months. Now when Kara left we were 2 months into treatment for my dad and I was doing what I could to help support my mom and take care of my dad and I got my stubbornness from him so it was a hard time convincing him to let me do things for him but as I said I'm as stubborn as he was so it was alot of back and forth. When he finally passed away the doctors told us he would only live for 6 months he survived for 10 months we had a memorial service at his favorite park and we live streamed the memorial over FB for those who couldn't make it in person (Trust me this detail is important). Something else that happened was shortly after my dads passing Tyler was sentenced to 3 years in prison for theft. (Again this detail is important).
Now fast forward to present day 3 years had passed since my dad's passing and my mom had just gotten remarried to my stepfather a few months ago, and I haven't seen or heard from Kara since she moved out of my brother's house. I've been working at a small convenience store now for a little over a year and my store is currently being remodeled inside and my boss decided to take me and all my coworkers out to lunch, this also happen to be on the day Tyler was being released from prison and he was with his lawyer going back to my brother's house (that was the plan anyway).
Now me and my coworkers arrived at this nice restaurant in our town that my boss reserved a table at, we all sat and ordered drinks and shortly after the waitress left I saw her Kara she was a waitress at another table working at this restaurant, I immediately went back to talking with my coworkers. After we got our drinks and ordered our food me and some of my coworkers noticed 2 police officers walking in and we waved at them to say hi cause alot of the cops in town usually come to our store for coffee and snacks and they came over to say hi and when we asked if they were taking a break right now they said now sadly they were there to talk to someone and as soon as our waitress arrived to refill drinks one of the cops asked if she would get the manager for them, the manager came and talked to them in a different area of the restaurant away from our table not long after our food arrives I happen to glance over where the cops were talking to the manager earlier and saw they were now talking to Kara I had I weird feeling seeing it but decided it wasn't my business and started eating.
Me and my coworkers are all laughing and enjoying the food til I heard someone calling out my name loudly, when I looked around to see who it was I saw Kara coming over quickly with the 1 of the cops not far behind while the other was talking on the phone, she then stood beside me and pointed telling the cop "she knows who I'm talking about don't you?" As I'm sure you can imagine I was extremely confused on what in the world was going on as I looked between Kara and the cops trying to figure it out, then cop asked me "do you know her friend and how we can contact him?" I immediately asked "what friend? What's going on exactly?" Kara then started to explain her side of things and apparently the cops were investigating the robbery of some investment firm 4 nights ago and they had some clues that led them to believe Kara had a hand in it and so they came here to see if she had an alibi for that night. She then proceeded to tell me that she was with Tyler that whole night at her house but when the cops asked for his contact info she didn't have it and said she realized she had seen me arrive here and that I could help them get in touch with him.
I just looked at her wondering if this was a joke or something but when I realized she was serious I asked her and the cop to be sure they were asking for Tyler to be her alibi 4 nights ago while I know full well he couldn't have been with her cause he only just got out of prison today I couldn't help myself I just started laughing at how ridiculous of a situation Kara had just gotten herself into and how she seems to think that whatever her plan was for this was foolproof. When I finally stopped laughing Kara asked "what's so funny?", my phone buzzed from a text from Tyler simply saying his lawyer heard what's happening and they were on the way to the restaurant right now they were 10 mins away, and the other cop who was on phone had put their phone away and walked up to us and whispered something to the other cop, Kara spoke up again telling me to stop laughing like a lunatic and tell the cops what they needed to know I immediately held up a finger to Kara indicating for her to be quiet for a second and decided to play this out a little since shes already making this whole scene in the restaurant and not being quiet about it at all and asked Kara just to clarify that she's saying that Tyler was with her at her house 4 night ago as in before today? And she said "yes obviously why are you asking that?" Ignoring her question and asked "and how long would you say he was at your house that night?" "He got there at around 6pm and he left maybe 10am the next morning."
I immediately turned to the cops and asked them for the purpose of dramatic clarification "so maybe you can clarify something for me cause personally I've never been to prison but it's to my understanding that when serving your sentence that even if it's days before being released that they don't typically let you leave the prison to go and hook up with an ex but maybe I'm wrong." Karas face went slightly pale as I spoke and said 1 word "Prison?" I turned to her and clarified "yes, prison. He just got released today. So if you are saying he was with you 4 days ago that means your admitting to 1 of 2 things 1.) You're saying that Tyler escaped prison and went to your house Or 2.) You are admitting to falsifying an alibi and lying to the police."
I let that sit for a second just to see if she had some quick save but she just stood there with a mix of shock and apprehensiveness on her face and when she finally opened her mouth to try and speak I held up my finger again for her to wait once again as I noticed something out of the corner of my eye "you know what? Why don't we just ask him directly?" I said while pointing to the restaurant entrance where Tyler and his lawyer had just arrived through. Kara looked over and when she looked her face turned into this relieved hopeful look and she hollered out Tyler's name raising her her hand into the air and waving it around like she was trying to get his attention while in the hall of a crowded rock concert and not a peaceful restaurant like this. I looked around and noticed everyone in the restaurant were openly watching us, Tyler noticed the people watching as well as he walked over. He completely ignored Kara and turned to the cops "I understand you have some questions for me officers." The cops immediately asked him if he was with Kara 4 nights ago on the night of the robbery and he responded "No I was not with Kara 4 nights ago. I haven't even spoken to her in 3 years." I watched as Karas face fell "Tyler what are you talking about of you were with me we were together all night." "No we weren't Kara. And even if I did say we were the cops would be able to tell easily that on the night in question I was most definitely in my prison cell. So even if I did want to save you from this mess which I don't see any reason why I should, why would I do it by telling such an obvious lie?" Tylers lawyer then pulled out his phone and show it to the cop "this is an emailed document from the warden of the prison showing that the guards making the rounds that night found nothing out of the ordinary during the night in question and I also asked the warden to have the guards making those rounds to provide written statements declaring that there is in fact no way my client had left the prison at any point in the night in question he with also provide security footage of that night to corroborate their statements they will be emailed to you as early as tomorrow morning."
Kara looked a bit panicked now as she looked between all of us before landing on me "oh I get it, you and Tyler are dating aren't you that's why he doesn't want to admit it cause you're here and he doesn't want you to know he cheated." As I'm sure you can imagine the look on my face as I looked at her like she lost her mind I asked her "Kara, how did you go from Tyler refusing to lie for you to me and him dating? Just so you know no we are NOT dating. And even if we were what does that have to do with any of this?" Instead of answering Kara just started panicking more and you could clearly tell she was trying to find some way out of the hole she dug herself into.
The cops were bringing out their handcuffs and began telling her she needed to come down to the station with them when she once again got this hopeful look on her face but instead of look at Tyler like last time she was looking at me. I felt extremely creeped out at this point. There was no telling what idea just popped in her head and I didn't like how the idea clearly involved me somehow. "Hey, come on we're best friends. You can help me with this right?" At this point I started to think she was insane. "Kara what are you talking about? We USE to be best friends but that changed when you left without saying anything to any of us and cut contact with us for 3 YEARS." "Don't be like that we can still be best friends no matter how much time passed." Then came the last straw for me "hows your parents doing? I saw on your moms Facebook page she got remarried, to think after the cancer scare she'd divorce your dad. How is he doing after that by the way? He must be glad to be cured right?" Tyler immediately stepped closer "Kara enough you went too far." My coworkers who before were sitting and watching were now also standing and were all looking angerly at Kara.
(Just to clarify I love my coworkers they are like a second family to me they are fiercely protective and the only reason they didn't do anything til now was cause they know I can handle myself and even though they weren't there when my dad passed away they all knew how much his death affected me and when they heard Kara talk about my parents like that they knew this was getting to sensitive topics for me and they wanted to try and protect me anyway back to the story.)
"What are you talking about Tyler? I'm just asking how her dad is doing he was diagnosed with cancer and I'm sure it was a tough road for him to being cured." Now I want to go ahead and mention why it was important before that I mentioned that my dads memorial service was livestreamed. When looking at the livestream after the service I saw that Kara's mother and her brothers had all watched and sent their condolences in the chat her mother also made a point to say that Kara also sends her condolences as she was told by her mother what had happened but she herself did not watch the livestream.
Now I started to get a mix of emotions running through me I was sad as memories of my dad came to me, I was annoyed at Kara for ruining this whole day for me, and I was also furious with her for being so insensitive and disrespecting my mom by assuming she only got remarried after divorcing with dad even if she had forgotten about the fact my dad had died she clearly remembers the fact he was diagnosed with cancer so I'm sure she remembers as it was the first thing the doctor said about it was that he only had 6 months even with treatment there wasn't much doubt that no matter how unfair it seemed he was dying and we couldn't do much to stop it, so the fact that she thinks that the only reason my mom would remarry was if she divorced my dad after his "cancer scare" as she called it made me want to do a whole lot of things to her, but instead I decided to just set to record straight once and for all.
Kara continued talking "Come on, we all know there's no way his cancer was as bad as the doctors claimed he was too strong and healthy for that. He's cured right, he isn't in hurting anymore?" "He's no longer in pain. And he's happy in his new home-" Kara didn't let me finish what I was about to say "see I knew he'd make it-" "in Heaven" I cut in finishing my previous sentence. Kara looked pale for a second "what?" "My dad is no longer in pain and he's happy in his new home. In. Heaven." I repeated. My vision was beginning to blur but as hard as it was I refused to cry in front of her she wasn't worthy of seeing them. "I know you were there when we first got the news about his cancer. You were there when the doctors said he only had 6 months left, but you were right about 1 thing Kara. He was strong and you were partly right that the doctors were wrong about something involving his diagnosis. They said he only had 6 months he survived for 10 months and it was that strength that allowed him to survive for as long as he did. But I also know you were made aware of the fact he had passed away 3 years ago because you family watched the livestream of his memorial and sent condolences you mom even made a point to say you also send your condolences as she had told you about my dad's death but you didn't attend the livestream or the service at all youself." It was then my boss spoke up telling the cops they needed to get Kara out of here and away from me. I couldn't hold back the tears for much longer so I ran to the bathrooms which were thankfully empty and ran into a stall and just sat on the floor, not long after all my coworkers both male and female as well as Tyler came into the bathrooms I learned later a waitress as well as a few random customer int he restaurant offered to guard the bathroom to make sure nobody came in while there were guys in the womens bathroom, the restaurant also have a family bathroom area so if a woman need to use it they could. They came in and all sat down on the floor around and surrounded me in this group hug, I cried for what felt like forever but I think was actually like 20 minutes. Afterwards Tyler and his lawyer offered to give me a ride back to my brother's house since that's where we were planning to go from the start.
I felt exhausted from all the crying as well as everything that happened. When we got to my brother's I went to go and lay down on the couch hoping to at least take a nap. But apparently life had other plans. As soon as I laid down my phone started to blow up with texts from Kara as well as her family. From what I gathered Kara was trying to beg for forgiveness while her mom and brothers were texting calling me an AH for lying to police and getting Kara in trouble. I couldn't be bothered to deal with it so I just put my phone on silent and took a nap.
So AITAH for not helping my ex-best friend forge an alibi and getting her potentially arrested? | The ex-con showed up with his lawyer and proof he was incarcerated from the warden, while the cops had just started talking to her?
Even TV shows don’t run that fast and smooth. |
AITAH for telling my dad I don't want him to attend my college graduation? | I (20F) am graduating from college in about two years, so this is sort of a premature conversation, but my sister (21F) would be graduating next year. Her actual graduation ceremony would take place a year after (so in two years). She was showing my father (66M) a tiktok video of a student whose parents surprised her with a bouquet of flowers and cake on her graduation day when she received her gown and cap.
My father's reaction to this sweet video was: "This is stupid. Why would I waste my time showing up to my daughter's university like that?" knowing that this person's actual graduation ceremony will take place a year after, so her family surprised her to make the day a celebration anyway. I scoffed at my father's reaction, even though I expected it.
He also didn't attend either of our high school graduation ceremonies and he made it a point to say: "I don't attend these idiotic gatherings."
My sister looked visibly upset by his reaction and I could tell she was hoping my father would say something like: "I'll go above and beyond for your special day," or at least, "That's very sweet. How nice of them to do that for their daughter."
Anyway, I ended up telling my sister not to worry and that we'll drive up to her college on her graduation day and go above and beyond with giant sparklers and her favorite cake, and that we don't need my father to do any of it.
Then I turned to him and asked, "Why are you so against these celebrations, anyway? At this point, I don't even want you to attend my graduation and I think the ticket should go to someone who's more than happy to buy me cake on the most important day of my life."
He got really mad at that and said he spent his whole life paying for my schooling and that he has the right to be there and that I'm being "insolent".
I then told him that I didn't think he contributed much at all to my upbringing (he was gone half the time) and reminded him that he booked a two month getaway to Thailand during my high school final exam and graduation period so that he could avoid having to comfort me during stressful times or being there for when I succeeded, and he got even more mad, just yelling out and screaming phrases I can't remember.
My mom (50F) asked me to apologize because I "stepped out of line" and that I always "cause problems" and get him angry on purpose. I refuse to do so, but now even my sister is saying I should've kept quiet, and now I'm conflicted.
Am I in the wrong?
Advice would be appreciated. Thank you! | Your father is fighting you about a theoretical ticket two years from now for an "idiotic gathering" he already knows he won't attend.
Your father is an abusive control freak and your mother is used to pandering to him, whether that's to protect herself or because she's also an AH I can't tell from their post.
You and your sister should go no contact as soon as you can. Don't invite either to your graduation or any important events going forward. |
AITAH For Letting My Annoyance Show | Yesterday while I was out shopping my wife texted me to ask what seat number I’d reserved for a show, so she could get the neighboring seat.
I immediately (albeit with misgivings—see below) replied to her text by texting her the seat number.
Later that afternoon I decided to take a little nap before the show. As I’m getting comfortable she walks in and asks me the seat number. I was annoyed and I guess it showed but I gave her the seat number and then said, “I’m sorry to seem annoyed, I thought I’d texted you that number.”
The truth is she has a long history of doing this, specifically surrounding texting. I even hesitated to respond to the original text, trying to avoid this dynamic. We’ve had long discussions and arguments about it, and her position is always to insinuate that checking one’s text is somehow indolent behavior: “I don’t spend all day checking my texts.” In fact, yesterday when she asked again, I was somewhat proud of myself for giving her the info rather than insisting she account for the texts. However, she was hurt and felt I disrespected her and didn’t love her.
Would IBTAH to set a boundary regarding texting, and what might that look like? I’ve already tried “please don’t text me if you’re going to ignore my response.” No joy. I hate to think I should just put her on ignore or block her texts. This is incredibly frustrating to me. | NTA. If she isn’t going to read the response to her questions then she shouldn’t ask them in a text. |
WIBTAH if I broke up with my bf? | Hi all, I (f21) will start with the fact I am beyond pissed. I think my only option is breakup with my bf but I wanna know what you would do.
My bf (m21) of 4 years and I are about to get our first home together we just got the mortgage approval. We were discussing the best options for joining our banks together.
Long story short this quickly turned into him calling me retarded any time I tried to give my insight. I told him that’s just rude and he can disagree without being an asshole. He apologised then went straight back to saying it again and shouting. When I eventually got upset after asking him repeatedly to calm it down he said “why do you always get so angry and upset all the time I hate when you do this to me”.
I explained how I repeatedly told him his words were making me upset and that his apology doesn’t mean shit when he immediately does it again right after. He threw a huge tantrum and tried to turn everything on me saying that I’m not perfect and he doesn’t bring it up so I shouldn’t either.
I explained that if he spoke to anyone this way they would get upset and bring it up and it’s not healthy to let blatant rudeness and disrespect go it’s not like you forgot to flush the toilet. He was told he needs to take accountability for himself and stop pointing the finger onto me. He then told me the biggest problem in his life right now is the fact he thought he could buy a house with me and be happy.
Eventually after considerable conversation he agreed and apologised properly and admitted he took things too far in the heat of the moment.
I expressed that although I understand that he does have the same pattern of blaming me any time I bring something up to him and I think it’s only smart to see a couples counsellor prior to moving in together. Keep in mind we have lived together renting from parents for 2 years but I just think this is a much bigger deal financially tying myself to someone who will freak out over something that could have been a simple conversation.
He just said he wanted us to go home and ignored the statement entirely. I also want to clarify I said this very nicely and said it would be good for both of us to break bad habits and get a different view point to understand each other better so he didn’t feel like I was putting everything on him. I’m just typing from the soul now to you guys.
Once we were home he went inside the house forgetting his bag. I had some shopping that didn’t fit into my bag so I grabbed his to chuck things into it.
In his bag I found 2 vodka bottles 1L each and a full bottle of wine. Never did he mention buying these all week and also we don’t drink unless it’s a birthday or a celebration. I realised he stress bought one at the shop in between us arguing from his receipt I found dated and time. This already made me pissed because that’s a shit coping mechanism and he had ignored me the whole ride home.
Little did I expect to walk into the house and find him flushing weed down the toilet. He pretended it wasn’t and he didn’t know what it was but I’m not a moron.
Backstory he used to smoke casually 2 years ago but it became addictive and he found it difficult to quit. He has lied to me multiple times about smoking even though I told him it was fine as long as he was honest about it and it didn’t negatively impact his work or life. It’s been a year I think of no smoking not even with friends but he could be lying.
So now I’ve been lied to, I feel betrayed, he didn’t talk to me about it just left to visit his mum. Once he came home I asked to talk to him which he agreed to but just fell asleep in front of me. I woke him twice and he kept saying he was going to come talk to me in 1 minute.
I don’t want to break up because of the love we have shared these past years but idk what else I can do now. He’s told me before this will never happen again and it’s honestly like the 20th time now.
So what would you do? Any advice is welcome and appreciated :) | are you guys married? If not why the hell are you signing a 30 year note together? |
WIBTAH for banning my aunt’s friend and her daughter from my home after they kept showing up uninvited? | I work two jobs and am a full-time student. Because of this, I am very protective of my alone time and value it whenever I'm free.
My aunt has a friend, her manager let's call her "Brittany," who has a 12-year-old daughter, "Ashley." They live five hours away. Ashley acts much older than her age, gets mad and already yells at her mom, and is spoiled rotten. Recently, she has become attached to me because she thinks I’m "popular" and is obsessed with the "cozy" aesthetic of my apartment. She keeps telling her mom she wants to live with me. Instead of shutting this down, Brittany encourages it.
2nd UPDATE: I’ve read your comments advising me to just say No. I get it, but I forgot to mention the heavy guilt-tripping involved. Brittany assumes that because I'm "cool" and civil, I'm just a chill niece. Makes her think she can walk all over me. Her go-to excuse is always "Ashley is just a kid," which she uses to justify their entitlement. Being polite has backfired; they now think they can do whatever they want in my home.
The problem is that they keep showing up at my place uninvited. They travel five hours just to crash my limited free time just because her daughter wanted to.
Last time, they appeared uninvited again. They ate my food just because her daughter said my house always has dinner, That dinner was supposed to be what I eat before bed, lol, They stayed in my place for 4 nights.
I only cook enough portions for myself. When I didn't get up to cook a new meal for them, Ashley had the audacity to whine and looked like she was about to cry out of pure anger. They were quiet ,my aunt said she would whine about it to Brittany. And Brittany knew that was wrong. But she engaged anyway. The breaking point was my dog. I have a Dachshund, and Ashley keeps picking him up roughly because he’s "so cute." Dachshunds have fragile backs, and he hates it, but Brittany refuses to parent her child or tell her to stop.
I realized Brittany does this on purpose to avoid cooking for her other kids and to escape her own messy house.
I’m not a babysitter, I didn't cook anything
I told my aunt to tell them that I am no longer available and that I don’t want anyone in my apartment besides me. I wanted to find a nicer excuse, but I couldn't think of anything else. I'm at my very limit.
Update: My aunt was terrified to send them the message. Because Brittany basically owns her, She's actually her manager. Her career depends on Brittany and Impressing her. And now I'm afraid I'll be seen as the villain for stepping my feet down impacting my aunt as a result.
I feel like I’m being held hostage in my own home by a 12-year-old’s whims, but I also don't want to be the reason my aunt loses her livelihood.
WIBTAH if I avoid opening the door for them?
I genuinely need advice on this dynamic: Why does she let a 12-year-old make executive decisions? She drags us into this chaos rather than teaching her daughter that inviting yourself over to sleep,play on my console, Bother my dog and demand dinner is socially unacceptable. | OP, don't sit in terror anticipating a knock on your door. Don't try to pass this job off to your aunt. Take this bull by the horns and handle it directly yourself. It isn't hard.
Get Brittany's phone number and call her. That's right, an old fashioned phone call. Talk to her directly.
DO not give her ANY details. Just tell Brittany nicely but firmly that you cannot host her or Ashley anymore. Tell her unfortunately, if they show up at your apartment again, they will not find an open door. Tell her it's a decision YOU made, because this is what is best for YOU, and is what YOU need from now on, and wish her well. |
AITAH for kissing my best friends ex. Pls help | I feel terrible and I’m not sure if I need to be told how much of an AH I am or for some strangers to tell me it’s gonna be ok. Context: I (22F) kissed my best friend of like 15 years’s ex (23M) a few months ago and can’t stop thinking about it. They dated for 2.5 years and broke up around two years ago. Things ended on pretty good terms, just sort of outgrew each other. They are still friends and the three of us are still semi in a big friend group together. I’ve asked her before if she felt comfortable that me and him hang out sometimes and she said yes. Long story short me and him went on a camping trip with some of our friends and were watching a movie together in my tent. Sort of admitted we both had crushes on each other and made out for a bit (for a while). I’ve never had a boyfriend or even really feelings for a man so I have no idea how it feels to have an ex boyfriend out in the world. I gather from TV and stuff that kissing a friends ex is a big no no, but I am struggling to put myself in my friends shoes here. Am I beating myself up over nothing? Are they both their own person at this point? Or did I really break girl code in a catastrophic way? People who have dated before and have some insight on the situation pls give me your worst. | This just totally depends on the dynamic! I have been part of groups with ex-couples in them where it would not have been a big deal at all, they were young then and are well and truly over it now. From the teeny context I have here, this may be the case for you.
For others, especially with bad breakups, it would be a betrayal.
I think at this point, you gotta tell your friend, because hiding it makes it seem like you’ve done something wrong and know it, even if you haven’t. Then you’ll know for sure. But I know that those “rules” aren’t 100% and this feels like it might be one of those times. |
AITAH for wanting some time with just my wife while on her best friend’s bachelorette? | Hi there! I, Daeley (29F) and my wife (27F) (and co-maid of honor) are going on her childhood best friends co-bachelor/bachelorette party in a month and a half. They are doing a 4 day Bahaman cruise with a night prior in miami at an air bnb. all the bridal party and their spouses are going. So about 20 people in total not including the couple. Our 1 year wedding anniversary is a week after the cruise and we are kind of considering this a little trip to celebrate that as well because we can’t afford todo 2 so close together. We weren’t expecting much just splurging on a drink package and different things like that to just really make it feel nice. It was made to seem like we would have little bouts of time separated from the group. I am not expecting a whole day. I am not even expecting a dinner or more than a couple of hours a day. to just be to us. I also have severe anxiety and other mental health issues that cause me to become very overstimulated easily by being around people and having to mask so much. Especially people I don’t know. My wife only partially knows them because they are the couples extended family or college that my wife knows mildly because over time she has met them all. My wife made a small comment about us kind of using it as an anniversary trip. No means avoiding or not doing any group events or celebrating them. Just splurging a bit here and there while also hoping just a small amount of alone time and she got super snippy with her.
Mind you we have already spent 2500 dollars on this trip. plus another 300 on bridal shower. All the points the parties are accruing are paying for the couples trip. None of this including our outfits for the wedding, the pre-wedding air bnb, and the cost of the 4 days of wedding weekend events. Plus we got a power point with dress code for what to wear during the day and then a separate theme for each night. we are very neutral, athleisure, and simple outfits so other than one night and one day outfit we will be having to be purchasing 2 outfits for all 5 days for both of us. Mind you we take responsibility for some of the cost on the cruise. But honestly if we knew it was gonna be this much and we wouldn’t get anytime alone together i probably wouldn’t have went because we have stuff we are trying to pay off and wanting to start to try and have kids which for us will be very expensive.
So, am I the ass hole for wanting some time with just my wife while on her best friend’s bachelorette? | I highly doubt all these couples going on this cruise will be spending 24/7 with the couple anyway. You’re making something out of nothing and spiralling. Calm down and go enjoy the cruise you have night time hours together don’t you. |
AITAH for immediately saying "no" when my husband asked me to stop wearing earrings because he said they make a woman look older ? | My husband (41m) looks significantly younger than me (43f). Yesterday, my husband said he would like to talk to me. He told me loves me, and that nothing will ever change that. He said I'm an amazing mom. And more sweet things.
Then he mentioned how earrings makes a woman look older. He asked if I could stop wearing earrings makes they're making me look older. In less than 20 seconds of him asking, I said "no." I don't think I have ever rejected a request from my husband so fast. I usually think things though for a longer period.
My husband said he's disappointed that I answered no so quickly. I got annoyed with him and told him he has the deal with the fact that he has an old-looking wife. He said he didn't want to deal with me when I'm like this, and he walked away. Am I the asshole ? | How do earrings make a woman look old anyway? |
AITAH for getting someone to send me back my lost property and then keeping it? | About 1.5 years ago, I lost my Apple Watch while riding my motorcycle on a highway. I immediately put it into Lost Mode, and it stayed linked to my Apple ID the entire time.
Recently, a man from another country contacted my sister, whose phone number was set as the emergency contact on the watch. He told us he had bought the Apple Watch second-hand but couldn’t use it because it was still locked to my account.
I asked him for the serial number and realized it was definitely the same watch I had lost back then. At that point, I knew the watch legally belonged to me, since it was lost property and never removed from my Apple ID.
Instead of directly telling him “this is my watch and I’m keeping it,” I told him to send it to me so I could “reset it.” Once it arrived, I was able to confirm through Apple’s activation lock and my account that it was mine. I reactivated it and kept it. I did reimburse him for the shipping costs.
Now I’m wondering:
AITAH for not being fully upfront and using this approach to get my lost property back, even though it legally belonged to me the whole time? | Have you heard from him since he sent it?
ETA - I’m guessing the guy knew he was not getting the watch back. Anyone could look up how to deactivate lost mode on a watch. You could have done that without the watch. |
AITAH for refusing to do my best friend’s nails with products she bought | I 24 female have a big group of friends around eight girls from the age of 23 to 25. We all have best friends in between the group that we’re close with than others. I’m close with a girl named Stacy.
Me and her have been friends for a while and I’ve been doing nails since I was 11 years old. I loved doing them so much and originally I got my products for 70 to 100 bucks off Amazon and I did all my friends nails and all my family nails every single time I would do Stacy‘s nails she would always ask for a long dedicated designs on each finger with gems and boutique painting, but every single time she wouldn’t pay me and would bit them off within an hour of getting them done, saying I like the feeling of chewing on them but whenever she got her nails done somewhere else, she wouldn’t touch them and my other friends would pay me no matter what design it would be. And their nails would last sometimes more than a month so I know it’s not because of the application or products. I didn’t really mind because I enjoy doing nails and she was my best Friend.
Then more and more people decided to come to me asking for me to do their nails so I wanted to get professional nail stuff in case I told one of my friends that and it got around to Stacy, so Stacy bought me nail serum gels some stuff for acrylics and the basics of what you need to do nails from an actual nail company I was so excited and I bought the rest that I needed with my own money(I used the same brand of nail products that her nail salon dose)
Now that I professional stuff all my friends started paying me even more it was a really good business. Eventually, I ran it out almost every single product that my friend bought me and I re-bought everything fast-forward a few weeks me and my friend group got invited to a party and I was doing all the girls nails. Stacy asked me to do her nails. I told her if I did her nails with my professional products she could not bite them off she promised me she wouldn’t bite them off and she would keep them on so I did her nails in the next day. The whole friend group met up to go to the event I spent five hours on her nails doing perfect designs and paintings on each fingernail and gems and everything like that when I saw her she had no nails on and told me the reason why is because she was watching the show late at night and liked chewing on them. And she “didn’t really care about them” I was so offended. I spent so long doing those noodles and if you didn’t want a salon, I feel like they’d be around $200. I was really mad. but I did have fun at the party
The same host of the previous party decided to have another one and invite us again. It was about two months later so I did all of the girls nails again and they love them so much. All of them paid me like usual, but Stacy begged me over and over for me to do her nails and said it was with the product she bought and I told her I didn’t even have any of the products she bought me left and she said I was probably using them stupidly but I absolutely refused every single time. I do her nails she bites them off within an hour or the next day I’m sick and tired of it and I’m not ready to waste my good products for chewing I used her nail salons products and the exact same things they used I know it’s not my application the nail products and every single time she said she loved them so
And again I told her no, and she made a huge scene in front of all of our friends and didn’t even end up going to the party and she’s extremely mad at me AITAH?
EDIT: I talked to my friend group and all of them think I’m in the right and all of them love my nail art, especially the ones that I made for Stacy all of them messaged her extremely polite, not ganging up on her or doing anything rude or inappropriate, but politely said that she should give me a little bit of compensation, and I have the right to not want to do her nails anymore
She got extremely mad at all of them and gave a lot of backlash. I officially messaged her. I’m extremely sorry and that I loved our friendship, but I’m not doing that. I’m no longer doing her nails anymore even if she pays me or not I don’t care about the previous nails that I’ve done I don’t care about the money, but she’s furious and thinks I’m being so dramatic and wants her nails done for an event she has in a few weeks. I told her to go to the salon. She normally goes to because she never wants to bite them off when she goes there. but she told me she was struggling with money. I said this in the most respectful way ever I did not care. She treated me with no respect at all, and I’m no longer doing her nails for her.
My friends keep posting their nails that I do for them and she keeps commenting on them “the unfair treatment is insane.” The whole entire friend group is done with this and is all on my side so she’s no longer in the friend group and I will no longer be doing her nails based off your guys suggestions thank you so much for your info and suggestions if you have any more info or questions in the comments, please let me know. I will try to answer and one of my friends got into a argument with her and she said she wants to meet in person in a couple of days so I will update you guys | NTA, but the solution seems simple. Just make her pay like everyone else, then she can chew and waste her money as she pleases. Win win. |
AITAH for confiding in my friends when my fiancé cheated. | My Fiancé (28M) and I (28F) have been together for 4 years. We had a baby and got engaged about a year ago. I have two kids from a previous marriage.
When we first got together, I had caught him on GRINDER looking at shirtless men. He explained that he was sexually assaulted by a man when he was younger and sometimes has urges to look at men. I told him idc if he likes men or women but if you want a relationship you can’t look at other people let alone talk to them. He agreed or so I thought.
A few weeks ago, he went to the emergency room because he had pain when urinating and discharge. I guess he forgot that we have a family MyChart because he told me had an infection that would clear up with antibiotics. HE HAD Gonnorhea.
I was stunned. I decided to read the visit summary which he told the doctor we had anal sex on Christmas eve. We hadn’t had sex since the beginning of the month.
When I confronted him, he said he must’ve had it from before we got together. I asked my doctor because that did not seem accurate, she said there is no way he just started symptoms out of no where. Plus I was tested and NEGATIVE. I was treated anyway just to be safe.
After I told him that the doctor said it was impossible, he finally admitted what happened.. After I went to sleep with the baby, he snuck out and met up with a guy on grinder. He said he wanted a blowjob but the guy was pushy so it escalated further. He said he instantly regretted it.
I have since called off the engagement, but im at a loss. I can’t wrap my head around how he could do this when I have funded our lifestyle. I work in behavioral health/ social work and spend my 8-5 helping people with extreme mental illness. So some days I am mentally drained when I come home, but I’m always attentive to him. He was a stay at home dad for the first year of our son’s life and recently started working at Walmart.
He believes if we break up he should get our baby because and I quote “I already have two kids.” I feel betrayed, sad, and confused. My life just crumbled in front of me when I was so happy.
I confided in a few of my close friends who I trust. he read the conversation and is upset I told them his business. I didn’t see it that way because my friends and I share everything. AITAH for confiding in my friends for advice? | NTA. He definitely is, though. He could have put your health at risk, not to mention he's a POS for cheating. |
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend after he asked me to abort our pregnancy even though it could cause medical complications? | I recently found out im about 4 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend’s child. Im 21 and he’s 23. It wasnt planned at all, and after seeing a doctor I was told I might have a higher risk of complications because of my medical history. Because of that, making any decision about the pregnancy has been really scary for me and stressful.
When I told my boyfriend, his first reaction was saying I should just abort. He said he isnt ready, that a baby would mess up his plans, and that abortion was the logical choice. I tried explaining my health concerns and how afraid I am, but he kept pushing it and said I was being emotional and not thinking straight.
I honestly didnt feel supported at all. I wasnt asking him to be happy or excited, I just wanted him to care about my health and actually talk things through with me. Instead it felt like he was pressuring me into a decision that could affect me both physically and emotionally.
After a few days of arguing and him still insisting that abortion was the only option, I decided to break up with him. I felt like if he couldnt respect my body or my health now, then I cant trust him as a partner in something this serious.
Some of my friends say I overreacted and should of given him more time to process everything. Others say I did the right thing by choosing myself and my well being.
So am I the asshole for breaking up with him? | Him telling you to abort is technically agreeing with the doctors who said that carrying a baby will come with a higher risk of complications due to your medical history. You said it yourself in the very first paragraph.
You can break up with him if you want. You did. Your NTA. He doesn’t want a baby, and neither do you, just don’t let your fear paralyze you into not making any decisions, because then it gets to a point where you don’t have options anymore.
Do what is right for you. |
AITAH, am I the asshole for telling my sister not to talk to me until she becomes a better person. | Context:
Hi I (19f) have always been a people pleaser and have gotten walked over my whole life. Ik that's my fault for never sticking up for myself. My and my sister (16f) have never gotten along, we fought our whole lives mainly because she was my dad's favorite (my parents are divorced and we had mandatory visitation with my dad). Example: she got a camara, stuffed animal, phone for her bday and I got a used mug that's my brother's and has been in the cabinets for years and a bag or rocks for Christmas. Now my dad is narrssasictic, manipulative, and he gaslights like no other. My sister has since the divorce picked up a lot of his not good qualities listed above. To avoid trouble and fighting I mostly don't talk to her. I stopped visitation when I turned 18 and never saw or spoke to my dad again. I moved into a house with my bf at 18 1/2. My sister the week I moved out wrote me a letter saying how I don't care about anyone but myself, I left her at dads alone (with 3 of my other siblings) she hates me. And basically trash talked my whole family. I decided it was best for me to ignore the letter to avoid a fight. 9 months later and I've still not said a word to her or text and neither has she, I'm waiting on an apology and she thinks she's done nothing wrong. So last night I went up to get my colored pencils I had left behind. They were gone and in my sister's tote. I asked for them and she said they were hers (even though ik they weren't because they had my name on them). I said to her well someone took them. She said my little sister (8f) lets call her Sara, Sara plays over there and probably took them, but she never would though she would look but not take and she mainly just plays on top of the tote not in. I gave up not pressing about the pencils because I can just buy more and it's not worth a fight. Then later she sends me a picture of Sara playing on top of the tote and said see she does it too. So I responded with ok that and I don't care if you play with my stuff if you give it back when I need it. She went off saying shes never touched my things. Even though there has been multiple cases where she's wearing my shirts and 2 days later I ask for it back and she says she's never seen it. So I replied with it's not about the pencils it's the principal of everything and the fact that you do this all the time. She said I sent you the picture as a joke, mom told me to reach out to you and that's what I was trying to do, but since clearly you don't want me in your life fine, consider you blocked and out of my life. I responded with I never said I don't want you in my life, but we haven't talked in months and you're going to send something that we were just arguing about as a "joke". I don't want jokes I want an apology for the crap you've said and done, go ahead and block me I've done just fine this last year and have never said a word to you. Don't talk to me until you become a better person.
-I know what I said was harsh and out of line. I know that I should apologize. I know it was wrong. But she knows how to push my buttons. I never lose my temper but I did that time. She says things just like my dad always did. She guilt trips. I know she's family and blood and whatever but since the stuff with my dad blood means nothing to me. My family is who I choose to love and have in my life and I don't need someone who is constantly trying to make me feel bad in my life. I still love my family deeply but I just can't talk with her right now
So am I the asshole for doing that? | NTA. Sometimes its better to love someone from a distance to protect ones emotional health. |
AITAH for trying to train both my dog and my parents atp? | My dog who's five years now, has been a practical nightmare, so im just gonna write a FEW of the things he does.
. pees everywhere
. over excited ALWAYS
. aggressive sometimes
. climbs or rests on people at the dinning table even if he just ate.
. ONLY listens to a command if he wants to (like lowkey i be telling him, "c'mere" and he just stares at me and sits back down)
He was my very first dog i ever had and i had him since i was like in middle school, so i didnt really know how to train him but i did what the internet told me and some of it worked, he knows how to sit, stay, high five... etc, but only when he wants to, so of course i was annoyed, i grew up in those years and i realized that a dog should NOT be acting like this, so this year since i was unemployed af i decided to try and train him to be less aggressive, and to help with all the issues i listed above gradually.
the aggressiveness was the worst sooo i started with it, i tried ways such as if he ever gets aggressive to not yell at him since he doesn't really understand that concept and it kind of worked but my parents both, whenever he literally does anything wrong yell at him and point at him and of course i understood later that this is not right, so i told them no that they shouldn't be doing this and all i get back is to shut up, when it comes to him standing on our legs at the dining table, i told them to ignore him and not look at him because he literally JUST ate, however my dad just gives him bits and pieces of our food still...
whenever he's aggressive or basically doing anything wrong they give him treats and i keep telling them no that's not how it works and they keep ignoring me. sometimes they DO listen and do what i say before going back to their weird old ways, im not gonna mention everything since it will be all day but these are a few examples.
also he bit us MULTIPLE times, and my final straw was today, we had a guest over, he didnt full on bite him but he was quite aggressive and managed to graze our guest's hand, before he came out to the guest he was in my room, my mom told me to let him outside, i told her if the guest was scared then we shouldn't and that i should keep him in my room altogether, they still told me to take him outside and when he started acting frantic EVERYONE yelling and giving him commands he was clearly overstimulated i managed to let him sit down and calm down, but my dad of course decided to tell him to get up and sit somewhere else and then he started acting frantic again which gained me a yell from my dad for basically doing WHAT THEY SAID.
(fyi my mom told me to put his leash on, i didn't care about that it was the method she's using basically making our dog "believe" that he was going outside using words like "walk" or "let's go" which stimulate the concept of "taking a walk" which is definitely not the right way to leash him i mean there are just so many wrong things here so i told her to just take the leash off and leave him in my room, but that didn't go as planned clearly)
i honestly don't know if i suck or we shouldn't have a dog altogether but funny or not this seriously is taking a toll on my own mental health cause NO ONE IS LISTENING TO ME, so i have one question, aita for trying to get them to train our dog properly? | NTA. Your parents shouldn't be allowed dogs.
ETA. You should try and get him to a training class. Your parents need to come too. The dog isn't bad. Your parents are failing him. |
AITAH for talking back to my friend’s wife? | My friend’s wife would once in awhile message me two days after hanging out about things that I did that she didn’t like in a way that is very awkward and off putting. One of the examples could be if I don’t share the same interest as the rest of the group by not really wanting to participate in one activity such as board games, she will lecture me about it two days later via messenger. I will take accountability that perhaps I should humor the hosts more by participating even if I don’t really feel like it or perhaps I should have been more attentive at times,(using my phone less) etc. I truly do recognize these errors and have made efforts to correct these behaviors though at times I have still slipped up. However, what bothers me most is if my friend’s wife takes issue with something, she doesn’t call it out in the moment so it can be resolved there but waits until days later to message me about it which I find very awkward and unnecessary. She’s been rather rude and confrontational in the way she conveys her message at times as well.
She’s even gone as far as to attack me via messenger with ridiculous accusations and cut me off from her and my friend for months on end. When her and my friend were still dating she accused me of not asking her to hang out enough but I kindly explained that I stopped initiating because it seemed the two of them were always busy together and that her work schedule made it too hard to make plans days in advance. She just then told me that she didn’t believe me, didn’t want to be my friend anymore and that she told my friend about how we kissed years before they met just to turn him against me. I never officially dated her because I knew I wouldn’t have been able to handle a serious relationship with her and I didn’t want to jeopardize a friendship. Anyways, she cut me off until they came back to me a year later as if nothing happened. The second time was because she lied and accused me of talking bad about another friend in our group when I ran into her Dad one day and when asked about our night, what we did etc, I casually mentioned that we left the bar early that night because someone in our group had too much to drink. Her Dad already knew about said friend’s drinking habits. FYI My friend tells everyone stories about nights I got really drunk. I defended myself when confronted and this argument ended in them canceling big plans we had and disappearing for a month and then coming back as if nothing happened.
While I did enjoy visiting with these people and doing things with them such as chatting, joking, watching movies, clubbing, going to restaurants, bars, karaoke, playing darts, taking walks etc which are all activities these two enjoyed doing as well, there would be other activities they may like which I’m not as interested in such as bowling or board games. The last time we hung out, our group went to a bar and sang karaoke but by the time we got back I was feeling pretty tired from how much I drank so I didn’t really have the ability to focus on whatever board game it was that the rest of my friend group was going to play. My friend put on a movie for me to watch and I fell asleep. She messaged me about this two days later pretending to be nice about it at first and started cornering me on the matter until she finally said, “I guess we will make less time for you then if you don’t share some of the same interests we do.” I had enough and said, “do you really want to start with me now?” “I’m gone most of the F*ing year anyways.” My job as a crew member on cargo ships requires me to be at sea for months at a time so getting told that when my time back at home is already limited irked me a bit too much. She AND her husband just blocked me this time and I have decided that if they reach out to me again like they’ve done before, I won’t accept it because now that my friend has done nothing to vouch for me/mediate which makes me feel betrayed by him since just two days prior he was talking about how I was such a great friend to him and that he would always be there for me. At this point I have no reason to put up with her anymore either since he has clearly sided against me as well on this one and I have no other reason to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I am tired of walking on eggshells when dealing with his wife and having her snipe at me via Facebook messenger when I least expect it. Also with my current line of work, I have to mind my P’s and Q’s all the time when dealing with my bosun, mates, and Captain so the last thing I want is to feel the same way when I am back at home. AITA?
Note: I would address the husband as a friend and not her because I felt that she was always the antagonizer and he would just put up with it but now I am starting to feel that he has succumbed to her ways also. | Does she do it to the other people too?
You should ask the others if they get her crazed messages also |
AITAH for wanting to go to another country for another semester without my gf. | I (18 m) and my gf (18 f) are both from a 3rd worlds country, and were able to get into a good uni in italy. This year is our first of 3, and recently we have been made aware about the possibilities that come with studying in the EU (mainly erasmus). As far as I know, we are able to only use this opportunity twice (once each year), and I have been doing research for both of our programmes, and found that we mostly just need credits, a good gpa, and a english certificate. But when sharing with her, she said that her ielts expired last december, so i started looking for alternatives and doing research. I suggested maybe taking a english exam at the uni, and she got really angry at me for overloading her with more work (she studies ACSAI so understandable to some extent), but i really believe it wouldnt be much trouble to take the exam and b2 for her.
After this she said she wont go, and I asked why to which she said she just doesnt care and I can go without. I know its an obvious trap, but I really see this opportunity as something very important in my educational and working career (I study business science, so networking I feel like is very beneficial). She did not like that and said it made her feel awful, and that in this case since she "holds me back" (which I never said), she wants to brake up.
In the beginning I really wanted to go together, and made the tough choice and decided that the 1 semester apart is worth it. She called me egoistic for that, though I whole heartedly believe this could benefit both of us.
I love her so much, and I really do not want to break up our 1 year together, but I feel like she is not listening to me and being rather immature. What do I do? | NTA
Make your decisions based on what's best for YOU and your future. Not your girlfriend. If she's threatening to break up, just let her.
School and your future is much more important than an 18 year old girl who is trying to control you. |
AITAH for letting my fiancé know that I will have to rethink marriage if he wants children? | EDIT- Thank you everyone for the comments, I appreciate them all even the blunt harsh ones, I spoke to my partner and he will be speaking to his friend and get him to apologise and said he would also tell him our business with relation to kids is off the table for conversation. We have spoken in a bit more detail too and have said that even though he has reiterated he doesnt need it, we agreed to plan for a few years so that he can be ‘sure’, he said he is already but it doesnt hurt to delay it for a bit, marriage isnt our main focus, our relationship is 🙂 Thank you to most of the comments with the advice and the well wishes and for reassurance, I think I honestly needed it because his friend got in my head a bit! Only normal for things like that to happen sometimes. I appreciate you all 😁
I 28F have been with my FH Dan (fake name) for 10 years. We were together young and grew up together. We are very happy and seem to be on the right page about everything. Marriage we were both happy to wait until our mid 20s to establish ourselves knowing that up to then is when people change the most and see where we end up - we take every day as it comes but we just seemed to get stronger so 2 years ago he proposed. Everything has been going really great still so no issues as far as I know of.
However recently I think he began to question himself and what he really wants. The reason for this post is that we dont want children. We have both been VERY clear on this matter to each other and everyone else. We are good with kids, but there is a lot of reasons why we dont want them. Again we’re on the same page - His friends are all having kids and a lot of the time he cant wait to get home and honestly im the same (he has ADHD and he gets very overwhelmed with loud people and noises). We have a friend who has 2 kids who are so good and really lovely, polite, sweet and funny. He is also quite highly influenced on his opinions when things are positive or seem that way then he’ll go back to normal a few weeks later. So if people get a new car and its perfect, he fixates on that aim, sees someone bettering their life exercising, he will do it too. Now this friend has had kids and is saying Dan would be a good dad, that he’ll have kids one day etc even when saying we dont want kids (ill be honest I find it a bit disrespectful that he constantly says it but I know he doesnt mean ‘harm’ by it), but my partners response is what worried me because he said yeah maybe, I could be convinced but OP less so. I overheard as we were in the same room and he was on his gaming headset and the friend talks really loud and I was just studying so what I was doing was quiet.
I sat there panicking for about 20 minutes before I told him we need to talk about what id heard. We talked it out and apparently he was just fobbing his friend off because he keeps saying this stuff. I said thats good because if he changed his mind I think marriage shouldn’t happen until its figured out whether he wants kids because that is one thing I dont think should be compromised on as a lot of resentment can happen if not dealt with correctly and I wont change my mind on the fact I dont want kids so he needs to tell me now whether its a consideration or not. He denied it was a consideration and we talked, it was a mature conversation and it was resolved really fast. No issues at all there. However his friend started to criticise that id ‘let everything go’ instead of compromising and having a child and that having a family is the best thing in the world.
If my FH said he would want kids id consider ending things with him because he deserves that family and id hold him back not wanting them - id let him go for him to have that because I cannot give that to him without feeling like the only one sacrificing who I am. I know id lose myself and have to give up so much ive worked hard for. There is so many other reasons I dont want them, just a few are that ive raised kids that arent even mine for the last 20 years (I was 8 when my younger sibling was born and my mom worked as a single parent so I was extremely hands on), abuse and trauma from my father and a fear of the traits from his conditions passing down, a genuine fear of being pregnant and a fear of feeling alone raising the child as my partner works very long days, just no interest etc
My partner thinks his friend is out of line but thinks he is taking frustrations out on me because he thought I was insulting him by not wanting to be ‘like them’ and be a parent. My partner also told me not to be silly as we are entitled to our own opinions on having kids and its our choice and he needs to keep his nose out (his words) and if he hadnt of kept pushing and pushing this wouldnt have happened. (Just so you all know Id never say anything like that to anyone, i wouldnt even think it! I think being a parent is fantastic and super rewarding for those who want it, its just not for me.)
I agree that if he hadnt have pushed it wouldnt have been this big of a deal as me and my FH are still om the same page but its playing on my mind so much as to whether I should have even brought it up as it wasnt really a conversation i was originally involved in and id just heard it by chance and whether I was an AH for what i displayed to my FH.
So AITAH? | You're never TA for making sure you and your future spouse are on the same page with major life decisions like kids/no kids. Nor for being honest about where you stand and that you're not changing your view on it.
I'd have another talk with your fiance about this and make it clear to him that you're not okay with him using you as his "excuse" when he talks to other people. You're either together in this, or you're not. He can't be making you the bad guy to his friends. If nothing else, it's going to keep making you question how he really feels and whether he's going to suddenly change his mind down the road, say after you're married.
Provisionally, NAH (except his friend, who's being a dick). He'll be a bit TA if he keeps hiding behind you as his shield with his friends though. |
AITAH for ghosting friends to focus on personal success? | It’s a little more nuanced than that, but I’ll try to be short and sweet. Had some long term friends who hurt me pretty bad. Friend A made some decisions that caused her to lose a relationship and 3 more friendships within about 3 weeks. Then said some nasty things about me, I told her that was unacceptable, she told me I should have picked an audience instead of a friendship. I tried to have several conversations with her to amend what was going on. She wouldn’t apologize. Finally apologized after several weeks, then did nothing to fix the damage and tried to force her way into talking and hanging out like nothing was wrong.
Friend B acknowledged that Friend A was wrong, but said that Friend A just doesn’t understand why she was wrong and that people shouldn’t be penalized for expressing their emotions. This rubbed me the wrong way, so I also distanced myself from this person.
In the wake of lost friendship, I’ve been focusing on work and building my financial foundation. Not as good as having the friends I thought I had, but definitely beneficial for me long term.
AITHA? | NTA |
AITAH for telling my husband I’m not going to Korea with him if he brings his dog? | Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective on my situation.
My husband (22M) and I (23F) are both active-duty Army, and we’re scheduled to PCS to Korea for three years this October. By then, we’ll have an 18-month-old baby and three pets: two cats and a Mastiff mix.
Recently, we had a disagreement because my husband decided that we’re only taking one cat and our dog. I’m struggling with this because I don’t think our dog will have a good quality of life in a high-rise apartment overseas. We both work long hours, and on top of that, we’re parents. Realistically, we won’t have much time during the week to properly exercise, stimulate, and care for a large, high-energy dog the way he deserves.
My concern isn’t just convenience — it’s his mental and physical well-being. I worry he’ll become bored, stressed, and possibly destructive because he won’t be getting the attention or “work” he needs. I suggested leaving him with my parents or my in-laws, since my mom doesn’t work and has a large yard where he could thrive.
My husband says he doesn’t care — he wants to take the dog and rehome one of the cats. I feel like that’s unfair to the animals and honestly disrespectful to me, especially since I’m trying to make a decision based on what’s best for everyone, not just what we want.
I told him that if he insists on this, I don’t feel comfortable going, because I believe it’s wrong for our dog’s well-being and dismissive of my concerns.
So… AITAH for standing my ground and refusing to go under these circumstances? | NTA - a Mastiff mix needs exercise and room - but do ask your parents or in-laws if they can handle him and you should also pay for his vet care. Three years is a long time for a favor. |
WIBTAH for "exposing" my coworkers to our manager? | Hi, alt acoount since some people in my life know my main,
So the story is: I (M28) work in a small department in a big company with 2 more people, S - (M52) and H - (F39). Since were so small, our direct manager is the manager of the much bigger department and he's never supervising us directly so we mostly manage ourself.
The work is being the last stop of truck drivers who distribute their stuff and we check their recipts to make sure everything is on the level (everything that had to be paid has been, everything that in our system is exactly what the costumer got so they dont get over/under charged). So the amount of work is final and it's all must be done same day before we go home.
Now that's certainly isn't the job of my dream and I came there because it was close to home and I figured I'd have chances to advance in the big company.
so that's most of the background, the story is that due to a lot of people leaving this job S is the most senior in our department with about 1.5 years, I come second with a bit more than a year and H is with us for about 9 months.
S is Slow (not in a derogatory way, he just is - he needs the most simple things to be explained to him over and over again, have a very hard time using the computer dor anything and just generally do anything exteremely slowly), H is a recently divorced from an abusive relationship and has a lot of problems in her life. She's a very difficult person to work with and she have a tendency to blow up at every little criticism and/or inconvenience.
All that leads to me doing most of the heavy lifting of the job, tommorow I have a "feedback meeting"with our manager to look at 2025 and look forward to 2026, in preparation for th meeting I decided to come and show him what Im doing in hopes it will lead to a raise/advancement and for things to change because I basically do the work of 2 people and get paid very little.
I extracted the Data of yesterday and the day before that and in both of them I "closed" about 65-70% from the cargo runs of the day, H did about 20-25% and S did about 10% I checked a few days from december and it was all the same. Important to note that while the cargo checks are most of our work there is an insignificant work in other stuff that is less measurable so I dont have the data but I estimate my part of it is also about 70% or slightly more.
Now, I know showing that to my manager will probably screw both of my coworkers as it will show him exactly how little they are doing and Im having second thoghts about showng it to him, so please help me decide - WIBTAH if I show him all that? | NTA- If you don't go in there "tattling" about how little your coworkers are doing, and instead focus the talk on how you are excelling at tasks and are seeking a raise to compensate for the fact that you are putting in maximum effort, you'll be fine. If there are consequences to your coworkers, that can not be helped and they only have their own efforts (or lack of) to blame. |
AITAH for not letting my Cancer patient visit me in my house | Little background: We met through a Spanish class in our home country. Fast forward I moved to Canada (QC) and she moved to BC few years after me.We were never very close but we always kept in touch.
Few months ago the doctor told her that she has stage 4 cancer and she might not be here for too long. One of her last wishes is to visit my home.
But my issue is what if she takes her last breath in my home? How I will be able to overcome with the trauma later! I also have a 2 years old toddler and my husband and I we both work full time.
Also in my province we need to declare on our home record if someone dies inside the home
I never told her this issue but she kept pushing to let her come in my home!
I feel like I am not responsible for her last wish but at the same time I feel so bad!
If you think I am not an AH then what would recommended? | Stage 4 doesn’t always mean a person is going to drop dead any minute. If she’s walking and talking, and ABLE to come to your house on her own, the chances are extremely slim that she’d die while visiting for a day. |
AITAH for "stalking" my friend | Im not a very social person. Im unemployed, searching for a job though and I dont go outside. My everyday routine is just wake up, do things in the house and maybe if my friend is on, just ask her to play.
I've known her for a long long time. Since we were kids. She was always hot tempered and would just ditch me for anyone else if given the chance. I remember being with the teacher and her and another girl just talking about how they just can't exclude me since it feels bad.
I moved away and never saw her in person again. Its been almost 10 years.
I've been in contact with her but in 2021, I had an illness and my mental health got fucked. Never really recovered from it but back on track, she found other people to play with since she didnt have me. When I came back to video games, I thought "wow that is so cool! We can play with more people" and i thought i could be as friendly to the other random strangers I just had met like I could with my friend. I was so excited.
Turns out she was excluding me and when I tried to join or get in a vc. I wanted to join over and over and begged her to let me play with them but she accused me of stressing me out and increasing her anxiety and trying to isolate her from her friends to keep her all for me. Then I got blocked by everyone I was friends with that were her friends and by her too. It was like a coordinated attack to shut me down
down. I cried a lot since I had no other friend but gradually moved on. My mental health took a big hit but I handled it barely.
Then after like 3 years or so, she texted me again, apologized for her actions (for some reason I apologized back) and said she had another friend group since something apparently happened between them. What was my reaction? The same. I thought I had grown up but looking back i had the same naive thought. "Wow there are so many people i hope we can all be friends". I was excited af.
So naive yet so hopeful I looked onto the future. I dreamed of when I would see her again. I played a lot at the start but like once per month or twice recently since she was never online and when she was it was full and I couldn't join.
Something felt amiss but I didnt think too much of it since she is employed and I understood that she would play less. But then she was online but not in a voice chat. I thought "Oh she's online let's see if she can play today" every time I saw her online I was just so happy I would drop everything for some gaming with PEOPLE since I am starving for a social life. Remember that I am always inside and outside there's no one my age where I live. Nothing to do. But then she came up with "im having problems with x so im not going to play". I understood that and said "im sorry to hear that". I can't give advice and my social life is non existent so I couldn't help her.
The other day I installed a client that would use less ram and somehow I could see she was online and playing games. I was excited to join too but apparently I gained the ability to see hidden channels.
The same amiss feeling just got me and I asked her if she was playing. She probably thought I saw activity through steam so she said yes. I asked her about the vc she was in and I couldn't join. She said u had to be moved there from the other vc. I asked her if she could do that and "y" apparently put them there cus she didnt want people she wasn't close with in her voice chat but earlier that week had talked to me. Alright, alright valid. Asked her if she had perms to join that on her own and she said yes. I said "sorry for annoying u". She replied that y and z were helping her through what x did and apologized. I for some reason felt guilty and apologized back because I felt that she should trust me since we've known each other for so long and I trusted her with my problems.
Same day asked "y" if my friend was doing well, she said she's ok. I was glad.
Next day, same hidden vc bs starts. I asked her to join and waited in a joinable vc to get moved. She and her friend move to another vc and I comment on it. I text "y" and say ive been worried for my friend since she hadn't said anything and apparently was unwell. (Lies, i was just so scared of being excluded again, i just wanted answers) She accused me of being possessive and a red flag. I didnt think that through i thought i was just being apparently the good friend by being worried, yeah I was just thinking about my own ass but I didnt want to admit that. Then I see my friend start typing and typing. I just know its coming. That paragraph of "i can't be ur friend anymore yadda yadda" yeah and it came. Accused me of stalking her and stressing her and making her anxiety worse and trying to isolate her. The one who was excluding me was accusing me of isolating her. I barely even talked to her how am I isolating her? I retorted and said I wasn't doing that and for her to call me to talk it out and she blocked me. Along with all her friends that I thought were my friends too. Same scenario as a few years ago. The role that could access those fucking hidden vcs was named "important people". I guess i wasn't worthy of being important. That will keep randomly popping up in my mind and its already starting to.
Im still crying about this even after like 3 hours. I dont have any other friend and she knows that. I wished her all the best anyway. I was pretty much on my own in the recent months, barely catching her online and in a vc i could join. But its hitting me so hard I should of have seen this coming. She was always like this. How am I this dumb? How should I have handled this better? I mean if I didnt want to be friends anymore with a certain person I would just tell them and not hide around and make up excuses... | So basically she played you twice!! The minute you started to see the same old behaviours you should have just left it alone. Beyond that you’re responsible for your own happiness you’re never going to be happy being an unemployed shut in who doesn’t socialise with anyone. I really hope you start living a life and start putting yourself out there with real people not anyone online. It’s a slow process but you can do it little by little. |
AITAH for not helping weird neighbor | When I was in undergrad I lived at home with my parents and commuted to campus everyday. I had this neighbor guy with his 3 kids move in next door. All toddlers. He was alright at first, became extremely close with my dad which was weird cause my dad was 20 years older than him and neighbor is about 15 years older than I am. They hung out a lot, most of the time when I came he would be there just hanging out with my dad. Nevertheless, didn’t care about it, I liked my dad but he doesn’t have a nice personality (to family or anyone)so I always kept our interactions with “I’m home” or “heading to bed”.
This neighbor guy I’m assuming - notices that my dad isn’t really the protective kind or seems a little detached from family, he gets my number from my dad cause we had him cat sit for us once when we out of town and I was the first one back so I can pick up my cat earliest. I knew he had my number. Few days later he texts me at 2am asking if I’m up. I was like yeah is everything ok?? He said he saw my cat in the upstairs terrace area just now and asked me to come get him. So I get this text while my cat is lying next to me in bed. I let him know that it’s not my cat probably just a stray and he says no problem I should come check it out anyways and maybe have a chat with him upstairs (it’s empty). I said no I’m sleepy and didn’t reply after. I told my mom the next day she asked me to never reply to him and let her know if he texts again. My dad on the other hand said it’s probably harmless and he just wanted to make sure our cat hadn’t escaped. Well if that’s the case he should text my parents at odd hours, not me. But my dad brushed it off. It annoyed me that my dad didn’t see anything wrong with it. After this for a few times he would try to talk to me or initiate convo when I was alone walking - mostly after dark. I worked night shifts for a part time job, so got home 3 am ish and somehow I always saw him trying to initiate basic convo. I avoided him at all costs and a couples years later I moved to another country to get my masters and that’s the last I saw him- parents are still friends. They had a falling out briefly but friends again now
Fast forward to now, my mom called the other day asking if I could help him out with some important legal document stuff (nothing serious just paperwork). I work in the field so I could help him but I told her no, I never had a good feeling about him so I don’t want him to have my new number and nothing to do with him. This conversation was back and forth and dad says I’m overreacting and he didn’t even mean anything weird and I’m reading into it. Finally they stopped asking me to help out.
AITAH for not helping him when I had a weird feeling about him? | NTA
Always trust your gut. Always. |
AITAH for not “repaying” my boyfriend after he treated me | Ive (f,25) with my boyfriend (m,26) 3 years. Yesterday my parents hosted a tea for my grandpa’s birthday at my family’s house. Earlier that day my bf called and asked if I wanted to go shopping with him because he wanted to treat me. Very kind, not an occasion. He ended up spending around £250 on me. I thanked him a lot and told him how grateful I was
We go back to my house, have the tea with my family. During the day I helped him wrap his present for my grandpa, made him plates of food, made him two coffees. When everyone left, we went upstairs and i sat on his lap and we were kissing him for a while (we can’t do anything more at the moment as I’ve recently had a procedure). He had decided he would stay for an extra hour to spend more time together. I offered to cook him dinner, he said no because he didn’t want to spend our hour cooking/eating.
Earlier that day I’d said I wanted to talk through ideas for my birthday (I already had 3 bars in mind and just wanted his opinion). I asked if he was happy for me to show them to him in this time, and he agreed. We talked for ~15 mins, he got irritated and kept suggesting completely different bars to what I’d suggested, which I had said I just want your opinion on these 3 tbh, and he then left in a huff.
Afterwards he called me and said that after how nice he’d been to me, I gave him nothing in return. Specifically said I didn’t give him a back rub / shoulder massage, and that it would’ve “made his day”. He said I put in zero effort, less than the bare minimum. I said I didn’t realise there was an expectation and that I’d already offered dinner to which he replied dinner “isn’t a treat, it’s a basic necessity”.
I said I don’t see relationships as same day transactions and I do a lot for him without expecting anything back immediately (planning his birthday, organising holidays, flat searching with him for hours even though I wasn’t moving in, emotional support, massages, cleaning his flat when I’m there. )He said it’s normal when you do something nice, you expect something back, and he can’t dispute that - yes, he expected something in return. He also said I didn’t even ask or think about what he wanted, or what I could’ve done for him, but in our additional hour alone, I chose to do soemthing centred around me again.
He then said because I’m “not appreciating how big the gestures are”, he’s going to scale back treating me and split things more evenly going forward. Context- he earns over 3x what I do.
I’m now questioning whether I’m being unreasonable. Am I supposed to offer a massage / something physical every time he does something nice? Ask what he wants in return? I genuinely thought gifts were gifts, not exchanges/transactions. I feel like generosity has become conditional and that I’m being punished for not complying with expectations I didn’t even know existed. | You need to decide if you’re ok with a transactional relationship because that is what this guy is asking for. |
AITAH for calling the cops about an abandoned tricycle? | I'm visiting my Great Aunt. Near her home, there's a mile long utility road that's very hilly and grassy, has no one living on it, and has no surveillance or cameras on it. No one lives at either end of it, either. This all adds up to make the utility road the perfect place to snatch someone or commit a crime.
This morning, I was driving on the utility road to get to my Great Aunts house. Then, right at the entrance to the utility road, there was an abandoned pink and white tricycle. It was brand new and halfway on the road and halfway off of it.
The whole thing felt wrong. Like, say a little girl had gotten the tricycle for her birthday, wanted to ride it down the big hills that made up the utility road, and had ridden off on the tricycle when her parents weren't looking? And, since the utility road is the perfect place to snatch someone, some evil person had seen the unattended little girl, called her over to their parked car, and snatched her by the side of the road?
I was so unsettled, I wound up parking on the side of the road and calling my Great Aunt.
My Great Aunt said: Don't call 911. You're just overreacting.
But, I still felt like something was so incredibly wrong about the situation. So, I called my Grandmother to ask her opinion.
My Grandmother said: That's crazy talk. If you call 911, you'll be creating an issue out of nothing.
But, again, I still couldn't shake the feeling. So, I wound up calling 911 anyway just on the chance of something being wrong.
Now, my Great Aunt and Grandmother are mad at me for not taking their advice.
AITAH? | You literally just made up a narrative in your mind. Calling 911 (for emergencies only) to report you found a tricycle is excessive, especially since your entire story was based off your own imagination. If you were worried you could have called the non emergency line. It likely fell out of the back of a truck (the most likely thing to happen, it happens all the time) or somebody stole it and panic dumped it or they dont want it anymore and ditched it instead of paying dump fees. The likelihood of toddler on a tricycle in the middle of nowhere is the least likely of scenarios. |
AITAH for just wanting more | My (30f) husband (34m) are approaching our 3 year anniversary. We have a 2.5 year old daughter.
I loved my husband when we got married but the reason of when and how we got married is a tale as old as time. We had just gotten back together after a 1.5 year separation, then got pregnant. His religion is quite strict and unless we got married, he would be disfellowshipped from his religion and would lose contact with his parents. His parents are very controlling and manipulative. I think I had blinders on back then but I have seen a lot over the last almost 6 years now. Let’s just say I still may hold some resentment. Our wedding.. It wasn’t romantic.. it was logistics.
I believe I have approached the relationship with humility and care for his background and family dynamics. I have been respectful of their religion and although have said it’s not for me, have gone to some of their services to show support. Kicker.. ever since we got married my husband hasn’t gone to any religious anything unless it was the memorial (once a year)… anywho
He owns a business, I work full time in mental health (68k). Since the birth of our child I have been the primary parent. I have also been the care taker of our home and also help with his business when needed. He says he works as much as he does to provide for his family. He does pay the majority of our bills but I cover everything for our daughter + childcare, activities etc and then my car and insurance. He works in the winter 1:30 am - 6 pm most nights. In the summer, 4am-6:30pm. We don’t have a relationship. We don’t have dates. He rarely touches or kisses me. He only says I love you if I say it first. He says he has low libido but when we were on our separation he was having no trouble with that with +++ women.. I just feel like a single mom who has 5 jobs and a pretty ring..
I have always been adventurous and enjoyed travel. He says he has no interest in that. I ask for date nights, he says he wants to do it with our daughter. He is home, he is on his phone and in bed by 8.
I’m lonely. I’ve voiced it, I’ve shouted it from the rooftops. I’ve asked to go to counselling.. I’m just lost. I also feel horrible because at times I seek attention from other men by being flirted with and also flirting back. I feel horrible about this and try to stop it, but it feels nice..
It came out last night while we are talking that I feel like a single parent. He asked me if I could do it as a single parent. I replied. I’m sure I could do it, I’m doing the majority of it already.
I apologized but it is kind of the truth…
AITA for wanting more than this for the rest of my life? Does this get better? I’m willing to work on it but it takes two. I don’t want my daughter to think this is normal but I also don’t want to destroy her world. Help! | > Does this get better?
Sure, when you divorce him. |
WIBTAH if I stopped inviting one of my best friends to my apartment | One of my closet friends and I have practically grown up together, he’s absolutely lovely and honestly saved my mental health from declining numerous times.
That being said, he is also completely reckless regarding my belongings, when I used to live with my parents he broke their wall (never reimbursed), has dropped a glass on their glass dining table. I have recently purchased a new apartment where I got the walls professionally painted, bought a new rug and table which were very expensive. Despite knowing how conscious I am about the rug, he ate without a plate, dropped his food and stained the rub, scratched the wall and also dropped a drink on the new table all In a span of 2 hours.
He doesn’t work or have a licence so everytime we hang he stays at my place and if I’m being honest I can’t afford to have him break my other new furniture that I’ve got (got a new couch). WIBTAH to stop inviting him (I feel like he’d be extremely offended and I’m being a little petty) | NTA and no you wouldn't be petty, he has a clear history of being so careless with your and other people's belongings, the fact that he doesn't care enough to do anything about his previous mishaps makes your reaction pretty much warranted, if you're scared of offending him at least have a talk about the previous encounters, and then stop inviting him for the foreseaable future, you guys can still hang out elsewhere anyways. |
AITAH if I were to kick off at my SO if they started smoking again? | So me and my partner have been together some time and moved in together, and ever since we got together we agreed to both stop smoking entirely (I vaped and they smoked cigs and weed). But recently there’s been scenarios where they’ve been around smokers and smoking and have been tempted to smoke, they’ve held strong so far. I look to our deal on smoking as a pact we made together and sort of solidifies our love and trust for each other, but the increasing temptation they have is concerning me that they’ll relapse.
Would I be the asshole if I kicked off if they did? On one hand they can live their lives however they want, but on the other hand not only would it hurt me, but in the long term it would hurt them, just like it did before. | It’s one thing to encourage others and something else entirely to claim you are ‘hurt’ by another person’s personal choices and demand they do thing how you like.
You’re crossing the line from encouragement to enmeshment here. It’s not your partner’s job to manage your emotions with what they choose to consume. |
AITAH for drunkenly calling my GF a "c***" when she threw a needoh full force directly at my crotch? | So Tuesday night is our traditional bingo night. Tonight it was me, my gf, her mom and her sister. Her mom decided to drive and that led to us other 3 having a little too much. We head out to dinner afterwards and all of us (minus her mom) are acting like full on drunks.
After dinner, we get into the car and my gf decides to throw her Fidget toys, a needoh, (basically a squishy cube you can grab and stretch full force at my crotch. It hurt like he'll. Like any guy can imagine. I was keeled over in pain and I called her a "fucking c***" her mom chimes in and was like "NO, WE DO NOT USE THAT WORD. THAT IS A HARD LIMIT FOR ME". we get home and she is still pissed and tells us all the get the fuck out of her car and she slams every door behind her on the way in.
I agree that the word is offensive and I would never never use it under normal circumstances when I am sober, but the pain from being hit in the crotch was just to much.
Now im stuck in a weird spot. Do I apologize to my gfs mom in the morning? My gf doesn't give a shit because we naturally call each other names when messing around and being goofy. She herself even calls me the c word. She doesn't care. Now the whole house just feels tense because she's pissed. I want to leave so fucking bad but I know I probably shouldn't be driving because im still under the influence. I looked at hotels and even asked a friend if I could stay with him but getting a dui isn't worth it. I feel like shit and I don't know what to do.
So AITAH? | [deleted] |
AiTAH for tell my mom not to talk about me to my siblings | First of all I want to say me and my mom moved away from my siblings for a new start.The day we moved my brother (30M) told me if I treated my mom with disrespect then he would come down and sort it out himself,and it was fine for a while because I am that kid I would not fight back...now in 2026 I grew a back bone and everytime my mom goes off I just walk away...gister day my mom talked to me like I am still 16(I'm 24F) like I don't know anything ...so I matched her energy...Today my sister (29F) called me and told me that mom called her and said that I don't have respect for her ...and she told me"if you don't learn respect then I will come there and sort you out myself" ....I was crying and so angry I told my mom not to tell my siblings about me ...my mom got angry and sad at the same time she told me that she will tell "okay next time I will tell then you died"
Aitah for tell my mom not to talk about me to my siblings | NTA-Tell your sister if it’s a problem then come pick up mom because you won’t be treated like a child by either of them. As an adult you have the right to make adult decisions and one of them will not to be threatened by either of them. Then let your mom know that it is your place and if she doesn’t like it then she can leave. |
AITAH to allow my bf to stay friend with his toxic ex girlfriend | I (24f) and bf (28m) let call him Rob. Rob and I have been together 4 years now and we also have a child together…. Before Rob and I started talking I had a son from a past relationship and he accepted him whole heartedly….. Rob had a girlfriend that I knew very well and he knew that I knew her, she even confronted me about Rob and I getting in a relationship and did not tell her, I told her it wasn’t something to be broadcasted if I didn’t want anyone to know and I shook that off and then two years in our relationship I got pregnant for him. He told her about my pregnancy and she approached me and told me that he was thinking about having a child long time and wanted a girl and that he was raving about it but unfortunately she didn’t have it for him so one day Rob wanted to do a music video for one of his music and told me that he wanted her in the music view. I told him that I did not feel comfortable with her in the video and he told me that she would be the only one that will be doing what he wanted and that he has not found any girl that is brave enough like her to do it. I told him that I was still not comfortable, but if he wants to be reached the point that I said, I did not care.
So fast on the day of the music video, she did not make it because she felt ill and he made a remark saying that I must be happy that she is no longer in the music video and I said to him that I did not care even if she was in it or not because I made my point clear and you did not care how I felt. Couple months run by and I had my baby boy. Everything was OK. I spent most of the time down at my mom or my little sister will come by my house and take care of me with the baby so recently before I started this year started, I told him that I didn’t feel uncomfortable with him texting her although his business wise well, his business he she would’ve been a client. so I said OK that will be OK. As long as she keeps it professional you keep a professional and he’s OK so I always have this good feeling that when I’m not a person that’s around my boyfriend’s phone but if a feeling comes to me and it says the way, I’ll do it, I’ll do it always proves me right which I hate so he made a post and she made a comment, not pertaining to the post at all so the other day when his birthday came and he did a tattoo so he made the artist come to our house and we had a conversation based on her so many things I missed out most because it would be very Long but based on it, the tattoo artist says that that does not seem right, she is the girl that is like if she wants something she’s going for it and if she doesn’t get it it she either near to get it or get so I tell him straight, even if he can tell me every day that he and that girl will never have any sexual connection or anything of that sort again I would not believe him because with she it either goes like it or near like it so I tell him I would not believe him, so he is considering either to continue texting her business base or not. I don’t know because am at the point that I am stop snooping on his phone stop questioning and see how it goes because remember he has a child in the picture. I have my son before my other son so I have two child and still going through a depression postpartum depression with my child. He has not turned one as yet and I’m going through all of this with just this one girl so am I the asshole for always pestering about him stop communicating with his toxic ex-girlfriend. | They don’t see the down side of our relationship |
AITAH for losing trust in my girlfriend after I found out she’s been venting about our private issues to her ex? | 28M and 27F. We’ve been together for a little over 2 years.
My girlfriend and I have had a mostly good relationship, but like any couple, we’ve had some rough patches. Over the past few months, we’ve had a few arguments about communication and time together, nothing explosive but definitely sensitive topics.
A few weeks ago, I noticed her phone light up while she was in the shower. I wasn’t snooping, but I saw her ex’s name pop up with a long message preview. That surprised me because she’s always said they barely talk.
Later that night, I asked her about it directly. She admitted they’ve been messaging on and off for months. According to her, it’s “not emotional cheating” and she only talks to him when she needs to vent because “he already knows her.”
What really bothered me is that some of the things she shared were private arguments between us, including stuff I’ve explicitly told her I’m insecure about. She said she didn’t mean to betray my trust and that she didn’t think it was a big deal since she wasn’t flirting or meeting him.
Since then, I’ve been pulling back emotionally. I don’t feel comfortable opening up the same way, and I’ve told her I need time to rebuild trust. She thinks I’m being controlling and insecure and says I’m trying to isolate her from people she talks to.
I’m not asking her to cut off all friends or never talk to anyone, but it feels wrong that she chose her ex to confide in about our relationship without telling me.
AITAH for feeling betrayed and distancing myself over this? | NTA. That is a complete breach of trust.
I’d say being buddies with her ex while in a relationship is already a red flag. Sharing relationship secrets to get emotional support? Naw! That is exactly how affairs start. |
WIBTAH if I (25) cite my boyfriend's (29) sleeping habits for break up? | Throwaway, he knows my main.
For context, I've never dated a man before, this was the first time, I was excited beyond my best reasoning. Lol.
I knew he had been somewhat of a playboy, he never hide that and I was okay with his past. I've dated a few people myself had been cheated on so I was clear to him that he must tell me if he finds someone attractive. We've been dating for 2 years. It has been bumpy. Especially because I felt neglected a bunch and I have had terrible mental health crises. One of the problems has been him falling asleep literally the moment the head hits the pillow. I on the other hand have insomnia. So I'd text and would get no reply and all. It was frustrating but we lived.
Fast forward to tonight. He has been withdrawn and absent for a few weeks if not more. He stayed with me today. In the evening I had a small shower show for him. Silly dancing while I shampoo cause we literally never get time to spend together nowadays. Between this really silly thing I see from the corner of my eye, him texting someone. This hurt me but certain alarm bells starts ringing. This has happened to me once. I've body image issue so I close the door and he doesn't realise that for a few second?
So we then sit together and start watching Law and Order. We are yet to have dinner. I'm hungry. He falls asleep. I wait. I try to wake him up. Nothing. I see him getting texts in Instagram. I know I shouldn't have but I also felt like I have to. I open his phone with his fingerprint. I see who's texting. This girl is apparently a good friend. I open WhatsApp cause I've seen him open this app way more than before recently (before it was just ig and since I don't do that his reasoning was he sends reels to people). I see another girl's name. A lot of flirty texts. No mention of a gf. It's too much. He has used that same kinda voice for me. Sending same kinda romantic songs. Innuendos. Similar lightly sexual memes. Anyway. It's too much. I don't think I should continue this anymore.
However I don't think he's gonna fess up. He's probably gonna say "she's an old friend.","you're over thinking". I have breached his privacy as well.
Should I blame his sleep? He ruined the dinner. He has ruined two more things in the past week alone. We had a fight about that too, where I told him I don't find him reliable. Would I be the asshole to cite this reason and risk giving him an insecurity?
Tl;dr WIBTAH if I tell my bf that I'm breaking up with him over his excessive sleeping and not for emotional cheating?
| Just tell him it’s not working for you and you’re breaking up with him |
AITAH for cutting contact with my mother over repeatedly not respecting mine and my wife's wishes with our 3 month old child? | So to begin, my wife (24F) and myself (26M) welcomed a beautiful, happy, and healthy baby girl into the world this last September, she's everything we could've ever dreamed of and more out of a child. Sleeps all night, never cries, and always has a big beautiful gummy smile on her face.
We do have some rules however because thankfully my income has allowed my wife to be able to quit her job and be a full time SAHM. But with that comes its own host of issues due to my work schedule. I work 12 hour swing shifts and work every other Friday-Sunday also. With that I also flip flop from days to nights every 2 weeks and follow the same schedule. Also, my wife had just underwent gallbladder surgery last week as well. So more often than not unless I am home, my wife takes care of our home, keeping it immaculate, cooking dinners, making lunches for me for work, caring for our child, while I go to work to provide a living for us. And of course when I'm home I always give her a break and take over the house chores and baby duty so she can finally rest. Because of our busy schedules we have made a VERY solid rule for visiting us and our daughter, simply call about a half hour or so ahead of time to give us time to get dressed or look presentable for guests, family, friends, etc. And the ONE PERSON who believes that this rule doesn't apply to them is my wonderful mother.
My mother has continued to defy this rule and is angry that she cannot just "pop by and see us and the baby" whenever she pleases. We have told her that ESPECIALLY when I work nights to not come by unannounced because we have 2 small dogs as well and they bark at EVERY SOUND OUTSIDE. Due to this we put them in the bedroom with me while I sleep during the day so they hear less noise throughout the day and I can sleep. But my wonderful mother still disregards this rule and knocks on our front door like the County Sherriff serving a search warrant.
Well.. today was the final straw that broke the camel's back. I woke up a little early this evening to help my wife clean bottles, wash dishes, clean, etc. And our daughter was giving signs that she was getting hungry. So while she continued to wash the remaining bottles, I warmed up a bottle from the fridge and began to feed her. Upon placing the bottle on her mouth my wife's phone dinged and guess who it was? My mother. A simple text that read "Is (my son) asleep?" To which I simply replied to her "No" And she quickly replied "Can we come and see you guys" and before I even picked up the phone to reply, guess who was in our driveway... My wife and I exchanged an "Are you serious?!" look with one another and I asked my wife if she was okay with this to which she said "It can't be long because we still have a lot of cleaning to do before you leave for work, but I'm okay with it this time if you are." And I begrudgingly replied to my mother with "Yes, thats fine" So I reached my arm around the couch and opened the front door from where I was sitting, and I wish I was kidding. No sooner than it took to send the text, she backs out of the driveway, and simply texts "Bye, love ya'll..." To which my wife and I were absolutely confused why she would now leave. So I tried to call, and go figure... No answer.
So after my wife and I both trying her phone and my Stepdad's phone we just decided to leave it be. Until about 8:00 tonight...
I called and immediately jumped straight to the point and asked her "Why did you ask to come see us and just turn around and leave?" To which she replied "Nobody wanted to come greet us so we didnt get out of the car." And I informed her that "(Wife) was busy washing bottles and I was busy feeding our daughter, you could just walk in since I told you that it was fine for you to come see us." Her reply "I watched (wife) walk in the kitchen and not even open the door for us!!" My reply "You have never cared about that before from the multiple occasions of you springing by the house without prior notice like we've asked you and every single other person to do and keep thinking this rule doesn't apply to you." Her reply "A grandmother doesn't need to give notice to see her child and grandchild!" I laughed and replied "I think you're not understanding that this is our home, you don't get to come by whenever and not say anything prior, that's very inconsiderate and rude to (wife) and myself. " Her reply "I just don't understand why that is such a big deal for the two of you?!" I proceeded to lose it admittedly. I said "Look, I don't know who you think you are, but this is OUR home and OUR place of peace. And because you have proven time and time again that you cannot follow very simple instructions I'm going to ask that you please not come see us until you can follow this one singular simple rule that we have in OUR home and not yours." She of course scoffed and said that "This is ridiculous, and you're so immature for having such an outlandish rule in your house!!" So I replied "Look dont bother contacting at all, you can't seem to respect your own son's wishes and you have absolutely no regard or respect for me at all. I love you mother but I have to draw a line somewhere. And this is it." And I promptly hung up the phone.
Part of me feels like I may have been too harsh but also another part of me feels like I did the right thing and made the right choice. My mother has a long history with constrewing what people have said to her to always paint her as the "good guy" and give off the "can do no wrong" type vibe on every situation she happens to find herself in. But in reality she gaslights or manipulates everyone that does not agree with her or goes against her or disagrees with her in any way.
So, AITA??? | *Standing ovation* 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 |
AITAH for calling my husband a jerk for giving a waitress a 10 % tip because she refused to date our adult son ? | My husband (48m) and I (45f) were out at a restaurant with our son (23m). Our son kept staring at this waitress, who looked like she was in her 30s. At some point, my son asked the waitress on a date and she politely declined.
At the end of the meal, my husband gave the waitress a 10% tip, which is the lowest tip I've seen him give. He usually gives 25 % - 50 % tip. I'm seen him give a 20 % tip to a waitress who had a coughing fit near our food. I've also seen him give a 15 % tip to a rude snappy waiter who barely did anything.
At home, I called my husband a jerk for giving the lowest tip I've seen him give because of this specific reason. He said he's allowed to how much he wants. Am I the asshole ?
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EDIT:
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Because I don't want to spam the comments answering the same question. I didn't leave a tip because I didn't carry any cards nor money. The dinner was my husband's treat. I'm going to change that because of what my husband did. | NTA. It was definitely a jerk move since tipping is supposed to be based on the customer service provided, & she’s not providing dating services. |
AITAH for cutting contact with my friend of 5 years for being kind of an asshole | It all happened like a half a year ago but I still wonder if what I did was the best of what I could do
Let's start from the beginning, it all starts around the year 2020 when in 2nd year of highschool I met Steve (not his real name), he moved from another school and I kinda took on the responsibility to show him around and all and somehow quickly we became friends. We both had a real blast joking with the rest of my friend group and all. When COVID came we spent most of out time playing GTA V and having fun with my long distance friend. Fast forward like a year or two. He started dating his then gf, it was a messy relationship, a lot of dramas and troubles and some toxic and manipulative behaviour from his gf side, throughout that time I stayed supportive and I've tried what I can to show that to him, but I think that was where our friendship took the first hit since what I believe was happening his gf tried to build some drama between us to break our friendship, but I can't really prove it so that's just my speculation. Anyway their breakup was really messy and that made him really depressed and in 2023 he started going to therapy. About this time the things between me and him became weird to say the least, he became much more closed in on himself, not really sharing things with me like before (we were able to have a really deep conversations about everything really) and he sometimes got incredibly annoyed about some stuff on random occasions, but I still tried to be as much supportive as I could and thought "okay he's dealing with stuff so I'll give him a break" .
Fast forward to 2024 around April, me a d my closest friend group decided to make a Minecraft server where we can chill and play, we all agreed and we all collected money for setting up a proper server, the job of getting a host of a server and who's gonna maintain it landed onto Steve as he wanted to try it, me and my long distance friend (let's call him Mike) were sceptical about giving him full power over the server so we asked Steve to give us access to console so we could see what's happening, he agreed, next day we hopped on to test the server, the trio of us (Me, Mike and Steve) were just messing around, testing how it'll perform and all that before the actual session. Before getting off Steve said he'd try to make some ranks on the server bc he wanted to see how does it work and all that. This server being just for fun we agreed thinking it's for fun so if he wants to do it then whatever, it doesn't really affect the gameplay, but we told him that it needs to be ready relatively quickly bc we wanted to play on a working server, he said don't worry I'll take care of it. Next day we met up with the whole group, which was Steve, Mike and his friend and Me and my gf at the time, started connecting to the server and it didn't work, only one who could connect was Steve, after a minute we figured out that the whitelist on the permission plugin was incorrectly set up, we said okay, everyone can make mistakes, we are not perfect. Soon it was ready and we started playing, we all had a fun time playing but Steve was being kinda silent the whole time, Mike really likes to make jokes about everyone so he made a few jokes about Steve, some were funny, some were just picking on him but it was usual, just situation jokes, later while playing Mike message me to look at the console of the server, when I looked at it we found out why Steve was so silent, The entire time the roles plugin was literally barely working and he was constantly changing something in the code. I decided to speak up that I can see that he's still trying to set the plugins up and he has some trouble and I offered him a helping hand since I know how this specific plugin works and I know how to quickly set it up so that it works without needing constant maintenance. He refused my help and said he'll figure it out.
The whole week of playing Minecraft there was constantly something needed to be done with the plugins since Steve constantly were changing settings in them. Eventually the whole group got possed on Steve because the server was needed to be operational and it wasn't and we started criticising some choices of Steve while setting it all up but in our usual fashion we were making some jokes with it. Suddenly after being quiet the whole time Steve log out of the server and disconnected from VC, we all were shocked and almost instantly we all said wtf what happened. Me being the closest out of the group to Steve, messaged him asking what happened, he made some excuse which I shared with the group to let them know why he went away, after that included we noticed that Steve was constantly on the server and constantly changing something in the plugins, I offered help once again but thei time Steve got angry at me and told me to leave him alone, he'll get it all done, it's been already 3 weeks of this and we still haven't been able to play normal game without him changing something and messing the whole server to the point of not being playable, we all were really pissed about it all to the point that everybody was saying to just give it to me and I'll take care of it in minutes, he still refused
Next week looked something like this, he'd change something, the entire server would break and he'd spend way too much time trying to repair it. Throughout the whole time since 2021 sometimes Steve asked me to tell Mike to chill a bit bc Steve had a bad day or something, so I was trying to be a literal glue trying to keep the group together, but now after him constantly refusing help I had enough of being his person to excuse him so when he once again asked me to make an excuse for mike I said to him, Why won't he do it himself, you literally just say "Sorry Mike, I can't with the jokes tonight" and he won't make jokes about you. He said okay but he never asked Mike to stop so we all kept joking and all. A few days later he started just avoiding us, when we all played he didn't joined the VC and was literally just sitting all the time on creative, changing settings on the server and breaking it. Rest of us decided that we have enough of it and agreed on making the separate server where I would set it up with the plugin for permission, the next day the server was ready and operated without maintenance, only thing I forgot was to turn off the whitelist so everyone could connect, we laughed it off and started playing and really having fun now that it was just working, when Steve found out about it he confronted us asking why we did that, we all collectively said that we told him that we wanted just to play the game and you kept breaking the server constantly, we even reminded him that he agreed to just delete the plugins if they would not work, he got angry and started this whole drama that lasted quite a bit, most of it landed on me for some reason but at this point I had enough of him, soon he blocked everyone and didn't contact anyone.
Fast forward to the beginning of 2025, Steve reached out to me all joyful and all saying that he missed me, I was still upset with him, but we all said our things, apologized fro stuff we did and decided to try to regain contact, at first I was happy that he tried once again to be friends and o was optimistic about it, he started setting clear boundaries which I was really happy about, while apologising I told him straight that even tho I forgave him, he need to show me that he changed bc I don't trust his words, a few months later he started being cold towards me all of a sudden, I asked him what happened that he is so cold towards me, he told me that even tho he forgave me I need to take the courage and work for a friendship. I really got surprised about it and told him that for a friendship it needs the work of both parties and not just one, he said some excuse why he is so cold towards me without answering my message, at this point after another argument I said okay, if you want to not work for this friendship I'll do the same. So I started replying coldly, short answers with the least emotion I could, soon the contact died down even more so I told him that I don't really see the reason for keeping contact if you gonna treat me like this and starting arguments about ever little thing and cut the contact all together.
He still goes to therapy (I believe) idk if that's necessary to say now | Yes because e |
AITAH for asking mom to let me Zelle her for my food for this week when I don’t have access to my card ATM | So I don’t have my card atm and it doesn’t work with Apple Pay and need get food for the week and other needs so I ask mom if she can help and I even mettion I can zelle her the exact amount while we check out and all she does is swipe her card or give me the card and I can Zelle before I swipe if she doesn’t want to go she was like it rude to ask it unreasonable leaving all you stuff up there and why should we swipe our card at Publix like you do almost daily what one time without using you money so AITAH that I even ask and it for food (don’t want the hate of asking when food is a need) | Have you either been drinking, had a stroke or just don’t know how to form a coherent sentence?
This makes no sense! |
WIBTAH for reporting my illegal cousin to ICE after he outed me as gay to my family? | I (18F) have a cousin (25M) who moved to the U.S. from India a few years ago to get his masters degree. He started his masters when I was a sophomore in high school and I am a freshman in college now, but he is still working on his masters that was supposed to be a 1 year program. He’s doing this because he can’t find a job, so he keeps extending his degree to be able to stay in America.
His parents back in India are pretty well off. I would say they’re upper middle class, and they are funding his education. They don’t know that he is actually spending all of their money on vapes and alcohol. He keeps asking my parents for money too. He also makes a bunch of unnecessary purchases, like he bought a car that he definitely has no need for.
He recently got into more trouble. Back in May he forgot to renew his student visa, so now he is living in the United States illegally. My dad has been trying to help him find lawyers and has been communicating with his parents as well since they don’t understand what’s happening. His parents want him to move back to India bc they have more than enough money to support his life there, but he refuses to go back.
A while ago he found out that I was gay, and he was supportive and we even had a conversation about how no one else in our family can know about this due to them being extremely homophobic. Now, due to his visa issues, he is planning on marrying some random guy (even though he is straight) to get a greencard. He said that since he’ll be marrying a man it “doesn’t count” as an actual marriage. He just legally needs it to happen to stay in the country. He told my dad this plan and due to my dad being very homophobic and the fact that this is a stupid idea, he got mad and told him that he can’t do that. So for the past few weeks now, they have been discussing this and my dad is losing hope for this guy.
Then all of a sudden this past weekend my whole life blows up. My cousin outed me as a lesbian to my family. My parents are furious. My extended family (we’re normally pretty close) won’t even talk to me. My dad is threatening to stop paying my college tuition. I don’t even know if I’m going to be allowed back home when summer break starts. I am just so angry. Not only did he blow up his whole life due to his poor decisions, but now he blows up my fucking life too?! I don’t know what to do anymore.
I want to get even with him and report him to ICE. Even if he gets deported and goes back to India he will have his nice cushy life and his parents money to support him. I will have nothing. No support system, no money, no tuition. And I’m pretty good at school too like I have a 4.0. And now I literally have no future. Obviously, if I didn’t know for a fact that he will be perfectly fine back in India I would not be doing this, but he ruined my life and now I feel like it’s only fair if I ruin his. | Your cousin could end up dead while in ICE custody. Let that sink in. |
AITAH for refusing to make amends with my elderly mother after she told me "you don't have a mother" to protect her favorite son? | Things don't get easier even when you're older. My mother used to go out of her way to protect her elder son, the favorite. A few years ago he was an asshole to my wife, and I had a fight with him. I expected the family to at least see how his harrassment was unacceptable. My mother took his side as usual, and to get me to stop making her son look bad, she said "You don't have a mother, consider me dead".
I took that to heart. I cut my family off, especially my mother. Now years later, they don't want to reconcile. They want me to go back "into the family fold" as to speak. My father explicitly said I'm not to open any topic or point any fingers. Just forget and come back.
I asked, what about my brother's unacceptable behavior towards my wife? "It was a misunderstanding". What about my mother's behavior? "She's your mother, she can say whatever she wants, you are an ungrateful son".
Thing is, entire family has gone up in arms against me. Uncles, aunts, cousins. Anybody I used to be in touch with has stopped talking to me. They're all calling me a POS for not talking to my elderly mother. (In our culture parents are supposed to be treated as gods).
I'm tired emotionally. I don't know if this is a hill to die on. They refuse to acknowledge my brother's behavior, and I was in the wrong for not handling things differently then. I'm standing by my wife, and everybody's calling me an AH. Am I? | No you are not the ah they are you did what a husband is supposed to do and protect your wife |
Can’t make friends birthday AITAH | My friend of 10+ years lives about 4 hours away. We’ve consistently tried to get together for a year now, but never actually solidified specific dates. It is worthy of noting for the last three attempts, we each for one reason or another, couldn’t find correlating dates with our work schedules.
Her birthday is around the corner. About two months ago, I started asking what were the plans. In case I needed to save and budget. We threw around some ideas, but again, never got anything down in the books. “I come down xyz date - xyz date and we do \_\_\_\_\_.”
Anyways— her birthday is next week. a few weeks ago, we played around at the idea of getting together for her birthday. (Work is tough I’m at a new job with minimal PTO acquired, and finances are tight. Recovery from Christmas and my dog had surgery)
I suggested three alternative weekends. The week before her birthday, the week after, and the following week. All of which she is either busy or working.
HERES THE ISSUE: she texts me at the beginning of the week, suggesting if I’m free any of the days leading up to her birthday, she’d like to spend the day together. Which I’d love to. Without a second thought.
Well, my job missed entering my hours. An entire weeks worth over Christmas. They are tentatively going to work it out, but could take weeks. So finances are double tight— and I have a bad tire which makes me worrisome to drive four hours on the interstate. I basically tell her that my check should arrive at the beginning of this week, that finances aren’t great, but I’d be able to come.
Well, the check fiasco did not get sorted out. She’s being extremely passive, and not flexible with dates. I get it’s her birthday and adult friendships are tough to manage, but am I the asshole?
I feel like the asshole. | I believe that your true friend would understand that, and she fully knows that you’ve tried everything to be there |
AITAH for refusing to live with my boyfriend | I (38F) met my boyfriend (25M) 5 years ago (YEAH I'M AN AH FOR DATING SOMEONE SO YOUNG EVERYONE REMINDS ME OF IT EVERYDAY). We were at the same university and met during a class we both take, though we studied different subjects. He invited me to be part of a group project, than he invited me out to lunch, than to his house, etc etc. He was cute as hell and we had a lot in common, and being in a university and looking younger, I was used to having some fun with young guys. I girl can have hobbies.
The problem was, it wasn't just "having fun" with him. I thought we would just become friends who sleep together, but soon it started to become clear that he wanted more. I was very much in love with him at the time, but I didn't want a relationship. How the hell a relationship between a 33 years old woman and a 20 years old boy who still watched Naruto could possibly work? Of course it wouldn't.
But he insisted again, and again, and again. And, well, I ended up saying yes. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what I've been thinking for the last five years.
To my credit, when things became serious, I sat him down like the responsible adult that I was supposed to be and had a very frank conversation. I told him that he knew I was way older than him, that I wouldn't do young people things like staying up until 5 in the morning in some crazy party or drinking my ass off, because I had done all of this already and I had more than enough. I told him that I had never been in a serious relationship because I have no patience with everything that comes with it, and that the first time he would be jealous or try to control me or just piss me off, it's over for me. Finally, I told him that I live alone, I want to live alone, I have no intentions of marrying, having children or living together with anyone. What I did offer him was my love, my complete devotion and adoration (yeah I'm dramatic when I'm in love), a very pleasurable companionship, and pay for our dates because he was completely broken.
I fully expected our relationship to end in a month, like all my previous ones (I think three months was my record). But it didn't. In fact, things between us went extraordinarily well. He is a good companion, we have a lot of things in common, he supported me and I supported him through rough times, etc etc. Things were good.
But yesterday everything went to shit because he told me it was time for us to think about living together.
I knew it. I knew it was going to happen. Of course a 20 yo boy would change his mind a lot more about what he wanted in life than a 30+ woman. What was I thinking? How the hell I thought it was going to end? Of course he would want to "have a family", isn't that what everyone is supposed to want? He said he just wants to live together, he's not thinking about marriage or kids or anything. Hell with this. Living together and marrying is the same shit for me. Having kids is just a next step, he says he doesn't want them now but he also said that about living together. Of course he will change his mind. What the fuck was I thinking.
I'm not angry because he asked me this. I'm angry at myself because I fucking love this man so much and I know he loves me. And ending things now will hurt more than anything in my life, and it will hurt him, and I hate it. I'm so angry, and so tired.
I won't end things with him, because I'm as much a irresponsible person as I was the day I said yes to him, so I will let him push it until he can't anymore, because I want him. I don't want him to live me. I'm so selfish.
So, if there's anyone watching my pathetic breaking down, AITAH?
| YTA It’s entirely possible that he just wants to live together and not have children, not everyone is baby crazy. It kind of seems like you conflate a lot of milestones. Are you in therapy? Also stop referring to him as a boy, he’s your partner of 5 years, you should respect him more than that or part ways. |
AITAH for making someone move their car? | I’ve worked at the same job for about 18 years and for the last 10 years, I’ve parked in the same parking space at the very bottom of the parking lot the furthest away from the front door of the building recently someone started parking and what I consider my Parking space. Now we don’t have assigned parking but it’s also a well-known fact that this is where I park at. Recently, someone started parking there and once I found out who it was, I encourage them to move and start parking elsewhere. AITAH? | YTA
It’s not your parking space. You need to start acting like an adult. |
AITAH for feeling less like a man and leaving my girlfriend multiple time becauae she’s not having sex with me? | I (M 30) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (F 27) since about 4 months. We had a lot of conflict since the begenin and I think she’s wrong on lots of points, but she don’t think so.
First, she consider her bunny like her child…and I think she love him more than me. And because of that I became jealous of him. I feel like she put me second even if I’m her boyfriend and I feel like I’m no longer the man in our relationship.
The second issue is that we haven’t had sex since something like 2 months. I already broke up with her 3 times last months because I wasn’t getting what I wanted and I felt like I was disgusting her. And I broke up with her a gain today.
The first breakup happened after she used cystitis as an excuse not to have sex three months ago…she said it was true but I don’t believe her even if I saw her taking medication for. After that first break up, we maybe have one time sex. Her excuse about it, was about rebuilding trust that has been broken, but I think she could have proven her goodwill by making the effort to give me what I needed to know she wasn’t lying about it some broke up with her two more times, I thought maybe when I would come back she would understand.
This morning I tried to initiate intimacy by rubbing a bit sexually against her but she didn’t like it and said it wasn’t with her consent.
She says she doesn’t feel emotionally safe with me..but I think she overanalyzes everything and constantly criticizes me amd that makes me feel like I’m the stupid one. She says I don’t respect her boundaries but I think she’s the dominant and controlling in our relation.
Now, here is the thing… I told her : That if you tell people this in my side of the story it will prove that I’m not an asshole.
So Reddit…AITAH? | You're bloody joking, right? YTA. I stated this in response to another comment, but OP, if you were the last man on Earth, I would demand a recount. |
AITAH for not attending a party because a friend I cut ties with was invited | I (Black, born and raised here) recently cut ties with a friend, let’s call her Anna, because of repeated disrespect, boundary-crossing, and several racist comments she made. For example, she’s said things like, “you don’t bother me, so you can stay,” implying that my right to exist in my own country is conditional. For me, these comments were extremely hurtful, but she treats them like they’re trivial.
Even after I told her her statements were not okay and that I needed space, she kept pressuring me, repeatedly calling, showing up at the worst times, and forcing conversations I wasn’t ready for. I’ve also been told by my doctor to avoid unnecessary stress because of my medical situation, so this behavior was genuinely harmful.
Now, another friend, Louise, is throwing a birthday party. She has nothing to do with Anna, actually doesn’t like her, and knew about the tension between us. When I told her I wouldn’t attend because Anna was invited, she said:
“You should just… try to pull yourself together for one evening.”
Alcohol will be involved at the party, and Anna has a habit of becoming very emotional, confrontational, and unpredictable when drinking. I do not want to deal with that stress.I’m honestly starting to question myself because most people around me who are white keep saying things like “it’s not that deep” when I talk about racist comments, but it is deep for me. It’s painful, and it affects me emotionally and mentally especially since I had to leave my previous school because those racist comments were affecting my mental health. I feel like I’m overreacting sometimes, but my boundaries are real, and I need to protect myself. I feel like I have the right to step back and protect myself when racism is involved. Just because others don’t understand it doesn’t make it any less valid.
So AITA for refusing to go to a party I initially agreed to, because it would involve being around someone who’s been racist, repeatedly ignored my boundaries, and could become volatile when drinking?
Edit: Since I’ve been asked this a lot, I do not know why Anna was invited to the birthday. When asking Luise she said that it’s her birthday she can do whatever she wants without having to explain herself | NTA. You are never obligated to be around someone you don't like. While backing out of plans can be annoying for the one hosting it, a reason like this is perfectly acceptable and the party host should accept that fact. |
AITAH for declining guardianship of a my sister? | I (27M) emotionally lost my mom when I was a teenager. And when I was 15, my stepfather died after a long illness. Less than a month later, my mom moved on fast new relationship, rushed marriage, and then a baby girl. Everything happened so quickly that I felt completely pushed aside. I stayed quiet, finished school, and the moment I turned 18, I moved out and cut contact entirely.
Over the years, some relatives kept trying to push the idea that I should have a relationship with my halfsister. I was always clear that I didn’t want that. I didn’t hate her, I just didn’t want any connection to that part of my life.
About two years ago (when I was 25), my family decided to get creative. They told my best friend about "the situation" and convinced her it might be healing for me. She invited me to what I thought was a normal dinner. When I arrived, my halfsister was there. I felt betrayed and I didn’t make a scene, but afterward I told my friend that putting me in that position wasn’t fair to me or the kid. I explained that forcing a relationship wouldn’t magically make me want one, and honestly, it wasn’t healthy for anyone. That was the last time I allowed anything like that.
And couple months ago things fell apart on my mom’s side, there were some bad addiction issues that finally led to child services getting involved. Her husband ended up going to jail, and my mom lost custody because she wasn’t able to provide a stable environment. Their daughter was placed with different relatives temporarily, but no one wanted to take her in long-term.
That’s when my name came up, I didn't hesitate to say no. Repeatedly. I warned my family that if they kept pushing, I’d cut contact completely.
Eventually, the girl entered foster care. A caseworker later reached out to ask if I’d reconsider becoming her guardian or even have contact. I declined and asked not to receive updates or have my information shared.
My family did not take that well. I got messages calling me heartless, selfish, and cruel. They asked how I could live with myself, whether I felt guilty, and if I worried I was "throwing away my sister." I was honest I don’t want one. They even asked if I’d be okay knowing she might be mistreated in foster care. I told them that if they were that concerned, they were free to step up themselves instead of pressuring me. After that, I blocked everyone.
A weird cousin later confronted me in public after following me for so long one day while I was out with friends, he accused me of being cold and abandoning family. I left early to avoid a scene. And gladly I did because if I stayed I would've beat the shit out of him.
Here’s the thing: I could have taken her in. I have a stable job, a small but decent place, and a spare room. I could’ve made it work. I just don’t want to. I don’t think forcing myself into a role I never wanted would be good for either of us.
So AITAH here? | Not your circus, not your monkeys. |
AITAH for not messaging back my friend when she needed me? | Hello, I’m at 30 year old woman who is an introvert. I get moments where I want to be to myself whether I’m socially drained, going through stuff mentally, or just simply want to be alone. My best friend Michael (31 year old male) has been married to Jane (35 year old woman) for 10 years and within that time me and Jane have gotten close. Jane is the most extroverted friend I’ve ever had, she’s extremely social and loves talking to people to the point where she can’t run errands unless she’s talking on the phone with somebody (she has admitted this to me). She is prone to overthinking so I would explain to her multiple times that when I have these moments where I need time to myself it doesn’t mean I’m mad at her and that I will respond back when I can. But despite me explaining this and her saying she understands, she would start off joking how I never want to talk to her and how I hate her which eventually leads to her genuinely asking if I’m mad at her.
Depending on how severe my mental state is I will put my phone on do not disturb, however, it has a feature where someone could press notify anyway after sending a message and to me this is a feature for emergency purposes or something urgent. This was something Jane would do very often and it bothered me because those times would be that she wanted to show me something that reminded her of me or just because she missed me. I understand in her own way she’s just trying to be nice but it feels like my boundary is being crossed and I’m forced respond on her time. She would still do it after I explained this so I removed her from seeing my focus status to avoid her hitting notify anyway.
Now to where the problem begins, it’s my first day off after an extremely draining week so do not disturb was on. Later that same night I hear a notification as if somebody just sent me a text message which confuses me. I look at my phone and see it’s Jane asking if it’s okay to talk on the phone for a bit. I’m very confused how she was able to push through her message and annoyed she pushed it through in the first place so instead of responding back immediately, I waited till the next morning to calm down.
I woke up the next day to see she sent me a message asking if I was mad so I sent her a message expressing my grievances yet again and to please refrain from pressing notify anyway if she sees me on do not disturb. At first she only says I’m sorry but then a few minutes later I get another message saying how she really didn’t mean to disrespect me and that last night she needed someone to talk to because her mental health wasn’t doing good. I tell her how I’m sorry and said if she wanted we could talk sometime that day but she never responded back.
A week goes by and I get a message from her saying how much of a good friend I’ve been and how highly she speaks of me but what I sent her that day hurt her because it was something she wasn’t expecting and how she was hoping she could lean on me in her time of need. She explains having severe suicidal thoughts that night and when I sent the message the next morning it caused her to spiral again. She says that it wasn’t my fault and that she was also having issues from someone else. That she understands why I sent it because she unknowingly overstepped my boundaries and will do better next time. She then expresses how she hopes that I understand where she’s coming from and wishes we could go back to normal as friends and how she misses me.
At this point, my emotions are everywhere. I feel horrible for not responding back but at the same time I’ve always answered her messages prior to this. I took a few days to respond back and said it seems like she has an issue whenever I take my times to myself. That the normal she’s looking for has to be her being comfortable with the periods where I need to be alone. Also whenever I address my boundary or even tell her that she’s crossed it shouldn’t be taken as us not being normal and it’s all a part of friendship. I ended off my message saying I needed some time to focus on my mental health.
It’s been a few weeks now and she hasn’t responded to my message at all. Knowing how she is, she’s most likely telling her other friends how I hurt her in this scenario and how I’m in the wrong. Usually I would talk to Michael this since I talk to him about a lot of stuff but since his wife is involved, I feel is inappropriate to do so. I know I didn’t do anything wrong and how it’s just unfortunate timing, my boyfriend and few other friends believes this as well. I just can’t help but feel I did something wrong. | NA - she’s too needy and a clingon….you’ve turned into her emotional support animal |
AITAH for leading a boy on supposedly? | This was when I was around 13, so this was a WHILE ago. I'm now 15. Even when I was 13, I was pretty gay. I met this guy in a server "David", who went by "Davey". He was 14 years old, FtM like me, and he supposedly spoken a bit of Latin, and besides English, French and German. I really liked German, so I was pretty excited to hear this.
Eventually, at night, Davey and I did "sleepover roleplays". It started with me saying good night to him and saying we should have a sleepover but I'd probably snore. He said we should find out in a sleepover. I just wrote "\*snores\*" and he would write "\*giggles\* Wake up, you're snoring!!!"
He began to call the roleplays, me, and the snoring stuff "cute", and would write "\*blushes\*" and flirt with me a lot, though I forgot what he said. He'd even send TikToks being like "this could be us", "this is us", "i want someone to do this to me".
His brother, let's call him Rick because I forget his name, then messaged me. He asked me what I thought of Davey. Since I was starting to like him, I told him that. Rick said "Okk haha, well just don't lead him on" or something along those lines, but I don't know if I did.
He would constantly flirt and send those TikToks like I said, but then when I finally confessed, he said no because he wasn't looking for a relationship, and began to act distant and rude because I liked him. Then, he would act flirty again and say we were besties, so I asked if we could be in a talking stage, and he responded with something like "I just don't like blurring the lines of friends and boyfriends ya know? besides I'm not looking for any sort of relationship with anyone other than friends."
Eventually, he became more distant again until he completely stopped talking to me. I got a new account because my old one got hacked (I was a dumb 13 year old), and I completely lost touch with him.
What do you think? Am I at fault? | NTA, you didn’t lead him on but I think he lead YOU on. |
AITAH i don’t want to talk to my best friend anymore…… | me and my best friend have known each other for about 1 year, we became good friends immediately after we met and eventually best friends. this entire situation might seem silly or immature but its really taking a toll on me and our friendship. my best friend, she is a really sweet and a person with good intentions in her heart( or at least thats what i think) but she is a bit self centered and doesn’t take consideration for others around her, and its really pissing me off.
she especially doesn’t take any consideration for me. she talks, a lot. at first i didn’t mind it at all, i loved listening to her talk about herself and about her day and all, it was really sweet for the first 8 or 9 months, but now its gotten a bit out of hand. she always calls me and pulls me away from ppl. a thing about me is that i am kind of introverted and don’t like specific things, especially calling. calling someone without any reason brings me anxiety, it doesn’t matter how close they are, i hate calling. and all the ppl i know already know this about me, including her. but she doesn’t take things into consideration and calls me for the most random shit.
most of the time is just so that she can gossip and say a bunch of shit about our other friends after i repeated told her to stop being friends with them if she doesn’t like them, she still doesn’t listen and then comes crying when they do something she doesn’t like. even after all of this, she doesn’t even let me talk, she just says what she wants and ends our conversation. all our interactions revolve around her and her problems…….
she doesn’t even bother to ask anything about me and honestly i hate it sooo much. she calls me at random time even after i tell her i’m busy and doesn’t take my time into consideration. i have hinted to her many times that i don’t want to call but still she doesnt even bother to care. i don’t know what to do anymore, i want to tell her everything that she does but i don’t have the guts and i think i might be overreacting to this whole situation
today itself she ruined the entire plot of the last episode of stranger things for me and a couple of my friends just because she saw a bunch of spoilers on instagram. thats where i drew the line, i got mad but still just told her to not do that again, she replied by saying “but i canttttt its soooooo saddddd” ( these exact words btw). she just decided that since she got spoiled so we also cant watch the show without knowing the whole plot. i am genuinely starting to hate her tbh. i have been avoiding her calls for the past week saying thats i’m very busy but still she is calling me every hour. i refuse to accept her calls and i’m just ignoring her ig.this whole thing seems very very very childish and i can understand if anyone thinks so but still i cant do this shit anymore for fucks sake
i have no idea what do anymore, should i confront her?? | Sounds exactly like many of my ex friends. You’ve placed boundaries and tried to tell her what she’s doing, and she won’t listen. Time to move on.
I wouldn’t, however, try to do what the other commenter said: sit her down to try and list all the reasons you want to stop being friends. That doesn’t sound like it will be handled well with her, and it would be pointless considering she doesn’t seem to care what anyone thinks. This is one of those situations where you might be better off just slowly drifting away from the relationship. You’ll find better friends in time. Promise.
Edit: looked at your profile, you posted essentially this same thing almost 2 weeks ago. I think in your heart you know what you need to do. This isn’t a friendship worth continuing for you, and that’s okay. |
AITAH for not wanting to use my credit cashback on a family outing? | Last year I finally got accepted for a credit card that offers 3% cash back on all purchases. After a while of using it, I noticed they had an option to add family members so they can build their credit.
My Mom has been a housewife her entire life and had 0 credit. I proposed the idea of her getting a card so she could build her credit, and in return I would get the points. I told her that I would be getting 3% off of any purchase she makes, I never hid this fact. I also proposed this same offer to my Grandma who had 0 credit. They agreed and I was excited because I would be getting extra money that I could use to invest.
Fast forward 6 months later and there's $600 of cash back saved up. It appears I made a mistake of not cashing out immediately, because now that the money has been saved to a considerably large amount, my Mom and Grandma are now insisting I use this money for the whole family.
They're saying that since they make the majority of the purchases (this is true) that the cashback is actually their money. They told me I'm being selfish and greedy by only wanting to use it on myself. But this is what they agreed on to begin with. I never hid how much I would be getting in cashback, but they're saying I manipulated them because they didn't realize how much 3% is and thought I'd be getting less.
They want to use the money for a fun family outing, but that's not what I want to use the money for. I've always planned on investing that money and I said so from the beginning.
I don't consider myself a selfish or greedy person. Today I felt like it's been a while since we went to Disneyland, and I was in a good mood, so I offered to buy everyone tickets. This started a huge argument between my Mom and I because she wanted me to use the cashback money. She said it doesn't matter what I buy, because she'll always want that money to be used for a family outing.
As per our original agreement, they have a good credit score now. They got their end of the bargain. AITAH for saying the cashback is mine?
Edit: Guys, I didn't make this post confused and looking for a solution. I know I can pull the money (since I would be spending the money on them anyways) and close their cards . This is the am I the asshole subreddit. I'm asking whether I'm the asshole for believing I'm entitled to the cashback money in the first place. Is that just petty to want to know whether I'm right and they're wrong even though there's a clear solution? Yeah sure, but this is the petty dispute subreddit. | NTA. You took on risk by enabling them to open cards based on your account. You owe them nothing. |
AITAH for going no contact with my dad and sisters | I 21F, was SA’d by my older sister from ages 6-9. When I was 11 she started catfishing me and continued until I chose to cut ties with all the accounts at 19. She never stopped catfishing, just lost her access to me.
It started off with her pretending to be a friend of hers that took her phone then it turned into her making an account to befriend me on moviestarplant. As the years went on these characters introduced their friends and family to me (of course all of them were fake) and eventually with multiple accounts and my sister convincing me I entered a romantic online relationship at 13.
The relationship lasted for almost 5 years and it was extremely toxic. I constantly felt watched. Anytime I would try to break up with the account my sister would either convince me to start back talking to them or she would shame me.
Eventually I moved on and started distancing myself from my sister and the accounts until I eventually went no contact with her around Christmas 2023 bc she had been trying to tell my dad that I was smoking weed knowing that if he believed her then he’d kick me out. A week later on new years I found the real person behind the pictures she had been using and immediately knew I had been catfished by her.
When I told my dad he didn’t understand how I could fall for something like this. Honestly I don’t fully understand either, I have to remind myself that I was a child to calm the shame. He said he didn’t want to get involved and I tried to respect that.
I ended up dusting off an old phone of mine that I had previously let my sister use when she was in between phones and her iCloud was still logged in. There was all the proof I needed to officially know she was behind all of those accounts.
When I told my eldest sister she laughed and said “you really didn’t know it was her?” I’ve told them that this caused me a significant amount of pain. I’ve been hospitalized multiple times, had multiple suicide attempts, I don’t trust myself or anyone else… I told them that I don’t consider her my sister and that I don’t want them to bring her up to me. Both my dad and my eldest sister have said things like oh but that’s still your sister, hopefully yall can make up, she was young she can still grow from this, you need to take responsibility for the part you played, etc.
I decided to go no contact with my dad after I tried to report her for exploitation of a minor. When the officers went to my dad’s house to retrieve the phone I had searched my dad told them it was gone and he had gotten rid of it. They needed the phone to proceed with an investigation so it went nowhere. My dad says I’m blaming him for what my sister did and that I’m trying to take everything out on him. He isn’t a terrible dad but he’s emotionally unavailable and has no plans on growing that part of himself. He doesn’t even want for me to talk or think about it. | NTA.What you went through was abuse and exploitation, full stop. You were a child, and the adults around you failed to protect you and then minimized the harm afterward. Going no contact isn’t punishment it’s self-protection.You are not obligated to maintain relationships with people who dismiss your trauma, defend your abuser, or actively block accountability. Protecting your safety and healing comes first, even when it’s family. |
AITAH for bailing on a friend shortly before a project I had committed to and not wanting to apologize? | I (22F) and my friends—let’s call them Chloe (22F) and Sophie (27F)—are all photographers, and we recently started a joint project to create an audiovisual production company.
All three of us have our flaws and we clash sometimes. We’re friends, but working together is hard. To be honest, I tend to be a mess and a bit bossy; Chloe tends to lack initiative and be less participative; and Sophie tends to be stubborn and not say when she’s upset, giving the silent treatment instead. We also have very good qualities, obviously, and we work well together. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have started doing things together.
About a month ago I had a fight with Chloe. The truth is that I feel I handled the conflict in a pretty immature way, but even so I’m reluctant to apologize because I’m still stubbornly convinced that I’m right, although maybe I’m just behaving like a child.
Since we started the production company project, we had only collaborated on two jobs and they had gone fairly well. With our small conflicts (it’s impossible to agree on everything), but we managed to pull them off. Chloe came to us with the next one: someone had written to her asking if we could shoot a simple advertising spot that wasn’t going to be paid. Sophie and I agreed, although with conditions: I warned that I had to work (I combine this with a job at a pizzeria), and Sophie said that on those days she would be in another city working and wouldn’t be able to be at the shoot, although she did commit to working on pre-production.
I won’t drag out the story because it could end up being very long. We had two weeks to figure out how we would move forward. We had some meetings, though not many because all three of us were busy. Three days before the shoot, a few things happened to me: I broke up with my boyfriend and I got a migraine that lasted several days. Anticipating that I might not be able to be at the shoot because of my condition, I told Chloe how I was feeling and that she could look for someone else to replace me on the day of the shoot.
At first Chloe told me she was sorry and hoped I wouldn’t feel too bad, but I noticed she was distant. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she didn’t think it was okay that I was leaving her hanging with such short notice.
The argument was ridiculous. I got very defensive, telling her that I wasn’t well and that I was taking care of finding someone to replace me. She told me she was overwhelmed and that I wasn’t taking the project seriously, that she wouldn’t have done this to me, that if she had had to work at the pizzeria she still would have gone. I told her that if I had had to work at the pizzeria I would have acted the same way and would have swapped shifts with someone because it was a health reason, not just an emotional one. She repeated that she would never have left me hanging. I then reminded her (and I admit I was quite immature) that a few months ago she canceled, two days beforehand, a personal project I had organized for a year because she had “run club” on day 1 of the shoot, and on day 2 she overslept. I told her she was being hypocritical and had double standards. She told me it was childish to bring up something from a while ago just to justify myself and that what I was doing had no justification, that I should have told her earlier. I told her that it’s not like I could schedule when migraines happen and when they don’t. She stopped replying to me.
Long story short, in the end we didn’t manage to find someone to replace me. One day before the shoot, I asked Chloe to what extent she felt capable of going and shooting it alone and whether it was viable to do the project or if it would be better to cancel it and talk to those people, and Chloe got furious and told me that if I was only writing to say that, I’d better not say anything at all. Chloe ended up going to shoot it alone.
A few days later she sent me a message repeating again what we had already argued about days earlier, demanding an apology, and I refused.
So, am I being an asshole? Should I apologize? I definitely feel bad that she ended up with all the workload on her own and felt so overwhelmed, and I understand that. But apologizing would mean taking on blame that I don’t believe I have. Sophie, our other friend, has decided not to take a stance. The audiovisual production company project has stalled.
AITAH?
Small update: I don’t know how I managed to forget what Reddit is like.
On the one hand, I’ve read a couple of things that I’m really taking into account and that I think are true: apologizing doesn’t mean taking responsibility for something that was out of your control, but rather acknowledging the impact it had on the other person. I think I should have emphasized that more when everything happened.
On the other hand, I honestly don’t think this “business” we put together is going to work. That said, we’re young and we’re experimenting with possibilities while we figure out who we are as professionals and what our strengths and weaknesses are. Also, this isn’t even a real company and we don’t have clients. That’s what trial periods are for. I mentioned in the original post that the job wasn’t paid — we were doing a favor for acquaintances. At the beginning of the post I acknowledged mistakes that each of us has, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t many other things we do align on, are good at, and that I genuinely admire about them. But on Reddit apparently nobody has any flaws.
Lastly, I love both of them very much and this is absolutely not a reason to cut ties with anyone. For the love of God. People really go off the rails sometimes. | Honestly? ESH , migraines and breakups are real, but backing out last minute *and* refusing to acknowledge how badly it left her scrambling is where you lost people. An apology doesn’t mean you’re 100% wrong, it just means you recognize the impact, and right now that’s the part you’re dodging. |
WIBTAH if I send my wife’s AP’s GF evidence of their affair? | I 32M have been married to my wife 31F for little over a year, we’ve been together for 9 years in total and have a 10 months old baby. Her behavior was off and something was just nagging me to check her phone. Man, did it hit me like a train. Turns out, she met a guy like a week ago in a bar in our neighbourhood. The guy’s from the neighbourhood too. Just a week and they’re like sweethearts. She went to his place and they fooled around, but hadn’t had sex. Not that it matters at this point. So I sent myself all the proofs, changed my passcode, prepared divorce papers and waited. She noticed something was off. She started pushing it, asking what’s up with me, why am I edgy about my phone when she woke me up, asked to give her my phone unlocked to “call herself as she don’t know where she put hers” etc. etc. Later she started pushing again and I just snapped and said fine, here’s my phone, now give me yours. She gave in reluctantly, but she already deleted messages. However, she didn’t delete explicit photos from Recently shared album on iPhone, so I started asking about the photos. She started getting nervous and making some excuses and I had enough of it, I just dropped her phone, said I know everything and pulled out the papers and said “go, be happy, go fuck yourself I don’t care anymore”.
I’m livid, I’m lost, she threw everything away for someone she met like a week ago? Wtf? I bought us a house, I’m renovating that house myself after work and this is what I get in return? I can’t stand her, but I’m rethinking filling those papers because of the baby.
Sorry for venting. Anyways, I’m agonizing over telling this guy’s girlfriend about everything. She nearly caught them herself when she found my wife’s hair (one is blonde one is dark haired). He fed her some bullshit and she bought it apparently.
I’m torn between I don’t want to ruin their relationship and she should know + fuck those cheaters as a bonus.
The reason I don’t want to ruin his relationship even though in part he ruined my marriage is that he actually had moments like “this is fucked up, we’re going to hurt everyone, we shouldn’t be doing this but I like you so much” blah blah
So, what should I do? Nuke their relationship or leave them be?
EDIT: Just to make it clear, I’m speaking about nuking AP and his GF’s relationship by revealing his affair.
EDIT2: people are accusing me of fake story bcs how can I get papers quickly? It takes 30 mins to download template/form from the court website, fill in personal details and print it.
How do I have all these information? From their messages. They talked about everything, he even sent my wife photo of her hair his gf sent him when she found it. | YWNBTA
>I can’t stand her, but I’m rethinking filling those papers because of the baby.
Do you want to teach your child to put up with a partner who cheats on them?
>I’m torn between I don’t want to ruin their relationship
You wouldn't be, he ruined their relationship when he cheated on her. |
AITAH if I seek retaliation towards my MIL | WIBTHA if I posted someone's number who has mine listed as their own and I get spammed daily with over 50 calls from "potential spam" asking for this person's property to be bought or bills to be paid? I feel it would be sweet justice to their number with the world to have them called so many times a day?! It would be karma at this point. Every single spam call I get is asking for my mother in law and not me. | Can you sign her up for phone calls? Like insurance agents or something. Or list something for sale at a ridiculous low price. |
AITAH for thinking that I should only be the one using my own bath towel? | My husband thinks I shouldn't get angry when he uses my bath towel, despite him having his own. I think it's unhygienic and disrepectful as I have repeatedly told him not to do it. We do have a separate hand towel, but I use my towel. Towels are washed weekly. | NTA you don’t need to justify personal boundaries, you want your own towel. If he’s being an antagonistic asshole about it, ask him why he’s choosing this hill to die on.
All the ways we try to find to keep the wife happy, whilst this dude is going out of his way to cause trouble. |
AITAH for making comments about my partner smoking weed and casual drinking? | My partner (27M) and I (26F) have been together for 8 years. We both have drugs and/or alcohol addiction that run in the family. I don’t smoke (I have tried weed when I was a teenager but don’t like it) or drink maybe once a year. My partner, however, does. When we first got together he only really chewed tobacco and occasionally drank. Per an agreement for him to get a new truck he quit chewing (it was really the only way we could comfortably afford the truck payments at the time) although it did take him almost a year past our agreed upon quit date I am still really proud of him for kicking that habit. It wasn’t a big enough deal that I didn’t wanna be with him but I still thought it was nasty.🤷🏻♀️
Anyways since then he started smoking pot/pens regularly. Everyday in fact. Personally, I think it is partially a way to combat his struggles with social anxiety. And while he doesn’t drink everyday he does drink 2-3 margaritas every single time we have a sit down dinner which is 1-2 even 3 times a week. (Neither of us like cooking and we can financially afford it). It is important to note his father is an extreme alcoholic. My partners drinking has negatively influenced his health and has caused high liver enzymes. While it’s not at a dangerous level yet that still really bothers me. Because it feels almost compulsive to reach for a joint/drink. And i don’t like it. He has never been fully sober the entire time we have been together and I think it is a problem.
We got into an argument because I occasionally make snippy remarks about it all or give him “a look” when he orders that 3rd margarita at dinner. He has never told me those remarks hurt his feelings or sincerely asked me to stop. Although I don’t feel like I was being malicious and trying to hurt his feelings I absolutely acknowledge I make remarks sometimes went he asks me to roll him a joint or he says he wants to by another ounce when it wasn’t that long ago we bought one.
Well everything came to a halt yesterday morning when he said his pen was gone and I packed him his last bowl. I said we could make time to snag a pen at the dispensary and he said no he wanted to wait a couple days because we had alot of extra expenses coming out this weeks. This is literally the first time he has went without smoke in like 3 years.. he has never ran out without refilling the same day. So I asked while half laughing are you sure? I don’t want you to be a dick to me because you are going through withdrawals? Well, since then we have gotten into a fight because apparently the comments I make, make him feel like a piece of shit and like he might as well be coming home and smoking/drinking until he passes out. After taking a moment to really think about why it truly bothers me I told him I think it’s because I feel like I am seeing additive characteristics that I just don’t like. I wasn’t trying to say I think he is an addict.. I was trying to be honestly about why I think I don’t like it. And he tried turning it into I just don’t care about what he wants or what he likes but that he will stop to pretty much get me to stfu about it. Idk..I am just feeling like we have hit a point where I am questioning if this is my life partner? He is only 27 and showing something I really don’t like and don’t think I can or should support. | It seems like he traded his chewing tobacco addiction for a different addiction. It doesn't sound like he really changed for the better.
ESH
His habits are hurting his health, finances, and the relationship. You're trying to play "the bad cop" and that's a failing path that breeds resentment, it's not the right approach. He has to change but you can't force him to change, he has to really want change for his own selfish reasons.
Once he has the motivation to change, the next step should be to accept that the problem is bigger than both of you and doing it through force of will just won't work. It's time to get help. |
AITAH for not opening the front door for by fiancé | My partner (M27) and I (F24) just got back home from having dinner at his parent’s house. As we arrive on our street, we remember that it’s bin day tomorrow as all the neighbours have put out their bins.
We park the car and my partner asks if I could open the back door for him when I go inside, so he could grab the bin from there and take it outside. I agree.
I go inside, open the back door, he enters. I then go to the front door and lock it and use the loo by the front door. My partner then shouts (to get my attention, not maliciously) if I could open the front door so he can come through it on the way back from doing the bins. I let him know that I am currently occupied and ask why can’t he use the back door as I just opened it for him- he responds that he doesn’t want to do that and would rather use the front door. I remind him again that I am currently engaged and I will not be hurrying just to open a door when there’s already one open. I hear him leave and when he re-enters through the back door, he is dramatically banging his shoes together, throws his coat on the floor and clearly annoyed that I didn’t open the door.
I know it’s stupid but I just got to know, AITA for not opening the door?
EDIT: To be fair, I think he was annoyed mostly by the fact that he stood on a slug on the way back :( he just told me that’s what happened when he entered so his actions may not be completely towards the door situation. | Im deleting reddit. |
WIBTAH for cutting my mom off? | my parents are abusive, not in the physical way but more on the emotional side. Im confident that i want to cut my dad off because he's the reason for a lot of the abuse but im not sure if i should cut my mom off as well. She's more complex as she has stood up for me when my dad tried to kick me out but she wouldnt do it because she thinks im right, she'd do it because im a minor and she has to take care of me till I'm 18. She says it in a "we have to do this because i popped this kid out" not because of love or anything. She has also body shamed me since I was a child and has ignored me when I told her I was getting bullied in school.
But even though she herself isn't the best parent, she's better than my dad and she's also a victim of abuse. But i also know that she's not gonna divorce my father any time soon because that is very frowned upon in my country and even if she does, she will live with me all the time because she doesn't see the point of living alone and I don't want that at all.
I do feel bad for her as a woman because she was also oppressed but as a child, I don't want to talk to her ever again. So first of all, should i cut her off? and if i do would i be the a-hole? | How do you cut off someone you have to live with? I don't think that phrase means what you think it does. I think you mean you want to start giving them the silent treatment.
Until you leave home, you're stuck dealing with them. Keep to yourself as much as possible. I don't think you can maintain silent treatment for long. Work on moving out. Look for roommates. Save your money and get the heck out of dodge. Then you can actually cut them off by going NC.
Good luck. |
AITAH for asking a question at work, then getting let go | I started with this plumber guy last month. He's a master plumber and I'm a helper at this point. For a few days everything was going okay, we got along, we worked together. Then one day, we were getting loaded up to unclog a drain and he needed the commercial plumbing snake loaded in the back of the truck. I asked him... "Do you need me to clear a spot first so we could put it in?"
He blew up and was like... "JUST DO WHAT I SAY BRO, YOU COME OFF AS CONDESCENDING."
At first I was taken back, just because I didn't mean anything by it and it was a honest question.
His truck did seem messy, but I never said anything about it prior.
The rest of the day I kept a bit more quiet than usual, and he said "I see how you play the game bro"... Idk
The following week he sort of ghosted me (which maybe is for the best), but I can't help but think if I was the asshole in this. Should I apologize? Or just chalk it up to a "live and learn" moment? | I don't know that you're going to get a lot of good answers here. You haven't provided enough context for anyone other than a plumber to understand the problem. |
AITAH for not letting my ex see his child | I (30's F) won't let my ex (30's) male (let's call him John) see his son We broke up a few years ago as I'd found John was cheating on me since we found I was pregnant and was also messaging women through social media saying he wanted to meet them and he loved them. I'd found out 2 years later After we broke up I said he could see his son as I didn't want him to grow up without a father but I would have been more comfortable with this if I didn't have to be near John (he did become manipulative and controlling during and after pregnancy) and I would get a family member or friend to meet them at a park. He refused this saying didn't want to see his son. Fine with me.
This is where it all gets a lot worse. We didn't have any contact because I didn't feel comfortable with this, especially as we didn't really need to talk anyway because he didn't want contact 6months after we'd broke up I found out John had been arrested. He was taken to the High courts and found guilty (messaging 13yr old girls very explicit things) given a suspended sentence, put on child sex offence register and ordered to pay court costs plus unpaid work. I told his family I didn't want him anywhere near me or my my, when's he old enough I will tell him what happened and he can make his mind up but for now the only thing she knows is that his dad just isn't in the picture After John's parole had finished (he had parole officer because of the suspended sentence) he tried to get in contact through social services to have contact with my son. I said no as I didn't feel comfortable with this especially as they said they couldn't supervise visits (I'd have to have someone from my family or a friend to supervise. As much as I trust my family and friends if I did agree I would have preferred to have a professional there such as a social worker) They told me he had the right to take me to court for visitation as he is on the birth certificate and now his family are saying I'm in the wrong for stopping him from seeing his own son. I just don't feel comfortable with this given what he was arrested and found guilty for, what he put me through during relationship and how he doesn't seem to care or understand the whole situation. Some family members are on my 'side' and understand why I don't want any contact and have even told me that he is just carrying on as if nothing happened, still tried to work until his boss found out just before the trial (he needed time off work for this) and he was sacked for what he was arrested for initially but also trying to hide it and not tell the boss what happened.
I just don't know what to do, I'm adament I do not want him near me or my son and don't want any contact with him whatsoever but his family are just making me feel so guilty because "he has a right as a father" and "I can't stop a father seeing his own child no matter what the situation" Sorry for the long post but AITAH for standing my ground? | You need a lawyer and a custody agreement |
AITAH for messing with my friend about a "local" food rule and making him embarrass himself at a dinner? | i(26M) live in a big city and i’m always trying new food spots, especially when friends visit. one of my close friends m(27M) is weirdly intense about “authentic” food. like he’ll correct menus, tell servers they’re doing it wrong, and act like there’s one official version of everything.
last weekend i invited him and a few friends over. i made a big pot of stew inspired by a trip i took, plus some sides and cocktails. while we were cooking he started doing his usual thing, saying stuff like “real versions never use that ingredient” and “tourists ruined it.” it was already getting on my nerves.
so i decided to mess with him. i told him, totally straight-faced, that the ingredient he hates (a common garnish) is actually considered disrespectful in the region now and that locals will call you out for it. i added a bunch of details like “there was a big debate about it” and “some places will refuse to serve you.” i assumed he’d catch on because we’ve always joked around.
he did not catch on. at dinner he brought it up to everyone like it was a serious cultural rule and even lectured my roommate f(25F) for adding it to her bowl. it got awkward fast.
after people left i told him i was kidding. he got really upset and said i made him look stupid and that i “played with his beliefs.” now he wants an apology and says i crossed a line even if he can be annoying.
aitah for pulling the prank when i know he takes “authenticity” way too seriously? | "His beliefs"?
lol that BS line alone is enough for me to vote NTA.
All you did was pop the little bubble of pretension he'd been living in. |
AITAH for getting angry at my mother about this? | I'll start with my family situation: My sister (31) still lives with my parents. She doesn't pay rent or contribute to household expenses, only paying for her cats and luxuries: travel, restaurant meals, clothes, skincare, technology, etc. So much so that if she buys something expensive at the supermarket, she keeps it in her room and doesn't share it with anyone. My mother spends her entire pension at the supermarket; she buys all the food. The house belongs to my father, and he pays for the electricity, gas, energy, and property taxes (the rent I pay covers those expenses). My parents are divorced but still live together. My sister hates my father and is very close to my mother. I (f29) left their house 5 years ago precisely because of their toxic dynamic. A year ago, I had to live near them, and my mother took care of me because I had a psychotic depressive episode and needed support. I'm incredibly grateful for that because it allowed me to recover and pursue a life plan I had.
I'm a 29-year-old woman studying abroad. I always wanted to migrate, and I finally managed to enroll in a master's program in Spain. Having never lived outside my hometown, I decided to try my luck and then decide whether or not to stay abroad. For this reason, I asked my mother to take care of my two male cats for the 10 months of my studies. She agreed with certain conditions, as she has three female cats at home. The agreement was as follows: I would continue to cover all my cats' expenses and would also pay rent for the garage at her house. My cats would stay there while she socialized them with her own cats, and then they would all live together in the house.
Once I left, my mother started taking my cats to the vet without my permission, and then billed me for all the bills. I understand that initially they were just checkups, but the cats were healthy, and out of nowhere, they started needing treatment for parasites they didn't have when they were with me. Then, one of them had to have surgery (it's a longer story, but in short, it was necessary and the surgery made sense). I sent my mother double the total cost of the surgery so she could buy the medication and take care of the wound. However, it got infected, and she told me she had to take him to the vet several more times... More money and a bunch of excuses for not having socialized him with her own cats.
Finally, I traveled to my country for Christmas. I was so happy, and I was also accompanied by my new boyfriend, who was going to meet my whole family. Once I arrived at my mother's house, my cats were covered in dust like strays. One of them had tons of matted fur, they looked scared, and they were very, very fat. My heart was broken! I was filled with rage because it seemed like they were being treated like furniture. They weren't allowed to leave that room; there weren't any windows to keep the dust out, at least not at night, and the whole place was filthy. (Before I left to study, I saw the place where they would be staying, cleaned it thoroughly, bought them everything they needed, and my mother promised me she would put in windows. That never happened.)
I confronted her. I wasn't gentle at all; I was furious. I told her I was disappointed and asked how these conditions for my cats were even possible. If she didn't feel capable of doing it, she could have just said she couldn't take care of them. I told her it was obvious the surgical wound was going to get infected if the place was completely filthy. I told her it made me very sad to feel like I didn't have my family's support for this, since it was very important to me. She told me I was ungrateful and that she was going to tell my grandmother everything I was saying; she even started recording me to show the audio to my grandmother. I had to stay there another week waiting for my boyfriend to arrive in the country. I cleaned what I could, bathed the cats, brushed them, and spent time with them that week.
After my boyfriend arrived, we went to an Airbnb together, but neither my mother nor my sister wanted to spend any time with us. They told us it would be better to spend New Year's Eve with other people, and they only agreed to meet my boyfriend for one day, after we both traveled 15 hours to see them and be with them. My boyfriend and I went every day to spend time with the cats, but we didn't feel welcome. My mother never missed an opportunity to tell me how ungrateful and bad a daughter I was.
The last day I was there, she refused to say goodbye. She told me not to come back, and when I asked her why she was treating me like that, she said I deserved it. Am I really such a bad daughter for getting angry about these conditions after she didn't keep our promises?It really hurt to leave my cats there any longer, and now I'm trying to find somewhere else to leave them with the help of my friends, since I'm far away. | It’s okay to be my mad. Sounds like your mom is jealous of your freedom. Do like se say, get a life beyond the family home. |
AITAH for not liking my boyfriends little sister? | Hi everybody just wanted to say my english isn't the best so sorry if it makes no sense! Just for some context, me (17F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been dating for almost 3 years now, and for the entirety of our relationship we have been long distance but live in the same country (New Zealand). I live in the South Island while my boyfriend lives in the North Island.
For the first maybe 2 years in our relationship, it was only my boyfriend coming to visit me in the North Island because my Asian mother is pretty strict and didn’t allow me to visit my boyfriend in the South Island until I reached a certain age. I started coming to his house in the middle of last year and his mom welcomed me nicely. It was mostly me, my boyfriend, and his mother, because his little sister would rather spend her days with her half-brother at his place, so because of that I haven’t met her properly.
So right now I’m at his house for the 3rd or 4th time and his sister is home constantly due to her half-brother starting to doing drugs and overall just being really mean towards her, and my boyfriend’s mother doesn’t want her around him anymore, which I think is very valid.
Anyways, during my first few days, my boyfriend regularly had to go to work and his sister seemed to really like me and always wanted to hang out with me, which I didn’t mind because she is like 10. The problem is that she is a very spoiled brat, especially towards her mother. When I say she is spoiled, this little girl is on a whole different level.
I don’t want to put the entire blame on her because the reason for this behaviour resulted from the adults around her not raising her right. She would throw these insane tantrums, like throwing stuff at her mom, kicking and slapping her, and cussing her out very vulgarly. There are many instances where she literally treats her mother like a slave, yelling at her to open her water bottle that is right in front of her, getting mad that her mom didn't peel the banana, basically forcing her mother to buy McDonald's or Domino's because she doesn't like home-cooked meals even though her mom would always try to explain she doesn't have the money for it so she would encourage her to eat other food than fast food but in the end, she buys it for her anyways because that's just how horrible her tantrums are.
What I noticed is that everyone around her will enable this behaviour, especially her mother. I don't want to blame her mother entirely because the family has been through a lot and it isn't my place to judge her parenting. Comparing her to my asian mother who if I ever to yell or hit her even when I was a kid, best believe I would be punished physically or getting grounded (in my family that meant no screen time for however long my mom choose for) while her mother never punishes her at all. She just allows her own daughter hitting, kicking her and cussing her out. All she could basically say is "Don't hit me." or "Don't talk to me like that." But you could very obviously tell that the sister doesn't care or take her seriously because she would just repeat this behaviour.
Maybe this is a cultural difference, as I am Asian and my boyfriend’s family is mostly white, and I came to New Zealand around 4 years ago so I’m still kinda adjusting to the culture here???? Anyways, she’s just extreme is what I’m saying.
So she seemed to really like me in the beginning of my stay but there was this one day where it was me and my boyfriend babysitting her after going to their cousin’s birthday party and she was having one of her tantrum moods, which is very frequent (like a couple times a day?). Her tantrums were bad because her dad was supposed to come over but was taking a while, so she just exploded her anger towards me and my boyfriend. It got to the point where she practically threw the family’s cat and cried like a baby. I forgot to mention that she has this habit where she pretends to be a literal baby. Talking in a baby voice saying sentences like “me no likey dat,” then 5 minutes later she would make thirst traps to Rod Wave on TikTok.
So she was just screaming and crying like a baby and I was really on the edge while my boyfriend kept saying I should comfort her because she likes me more. But every time I tried, she would act like a literal baby. I don’t know, I was just listening to her trying not to be mad.
After that day, the relationship between me and her got weird. She started to openly be mean to me, which my boyfriend said is her “getting used to me,” but still, it doesn’t mean I want to be treated badly by a 10 year old.
I don't know if this is important to the story but she would never display her spoiled tantrums and behaviors when new people are around or like if people are visiting if that makes sense. She seemed to be relatively shy, calm and overall just acting like a normal kid when other people are around (people who aren't family) which is what happened to me when I first met her a couple of times when she was staying at her half-brothers house. It is only when I started visiting my boyfriend frequently and seeing her more often, she started to slowly uncover her real self to me. Each day I'm more and more shocked about how she acts.
Now the weirdest part is how she is in this one-sided competition with me for my boyfriend. I don’t know if I’m being extra delusional or this is just a typical kid thing to do, but she would weirdly copy little things I do as well as trying to get my boyfriend’s entire attention, even though she didn’t bother to do all this before.
One time she basically begged us to go to the supermarket with us, so when I was getting into the front passenger seat I mentioned jokingly that I was a “passenger princess.” Then while going back home from the supermarket she wanted to be the “passenger princess,” which I thought was cute at first, but then she started to talk about how she was here before me and how my boyfriend loves her more. I mean, she isn’t wrong??? This is kind of where the competition started. Everything I want to do with my boyfriend she has to be there, and every time I’m talking to my boyfriend she would say that nobody gives a shit. Like for example today, she was in the car with us after begging and crying to hang out with us and I was telling my boyfriend that I'm really nervous and anxious about the exam results coming out soon. Then his sister out of nowhere said loudly that nobody gives a shit which upset so I told her that I wasn't talking to her. She goes on to say that my boyfriend doesn't care about what I have to say so I asked if that was true and obviously he denied then she says he is lying and actually doesn't give a shit. I don't have a clue if she genuinely believes that my boyfriend doesn't care about me or she was just ragebaiting me but either way it really hurt my feelings.
Or another example is when I was in the kitchen with my boyfriend making dinner and she comes in saying that there is too many people in the kitchen and somebody needed to get out. My boyfriend then jokingly says she should get out because she was the one that barged in but she completely ignored what he said and told me to get out because she was here first. I awkwardly laughed saying that I was here in the kitchen way before she was which then she says "No, I was here before you that means you should get out." Meaning that she's his sister and she was here long before I started dating him.
I feel like I’m talking too much. I don’t know, it’s just these weird comments she makes towards me specifically about her being here before me and how I’m basically nothing compared to her. There are a lot of moments like this.
Today, while my boyfriend was at his sports training, I was making a CV for him and she asked what I was doing and I explained. Then she started to talk about how I shouldn’t be making the CV because I don’t know him enough, which I kinda laughed at, and it seemed to upset her more. She said that she is his little sister and she knows him more, so I just said okay sure, but then she kept going on and on about I know nothing about my boyfriend and she knows more because she is his little sister. This isn't me being biased but I know for a fact I know my boyfriend more. We have a healthy relationship and would tell each other everything. After this interaction, I decided to get on reddit to tell my story and as I am typing all of this, she would try to take a peek at what I'm doing so I would either close my laptop or switch tabs. She kept asking what I was doing and I told her that this isn't none of her beeswax as a joke but she goes to her mom to say that I am being sus? Her mom asked why to which she said, "She isn't letting me see what she is doing on her laptop."
I understand she is just a kid and is curious but I told her multiple times that I'm not telling her what I'm doing on my laptop and she kept insisting that I do. I set boundaries and I guess she didn't like that and had to go on complain about it to her mother.
But yeah, sorry, I rambled too much. I think I just need to let this frustration out somehow, because every time I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it he dismisses it and says that’s just how his sister is. I mean, he tries to defend me from her time to time but it is only when I give him a look. And whenever he does defend me, it is like the bare minimum? He wouldn't tell her to stop being mean, you know?
I would express my frustration or at least try to and he would just say, "Take it with my mom" or "Tell my sister that." I know he doesn't agree with his mother's parenting and has told her numerous times that her sister is spoiled but anything he said wouldn't be taken into consideration so I'm guessing he is saying that to me because he lost hope. He told his mom about her being kinda mean towards me, which the mom said I was overreacting, which really hurt my feelings but in another way, I do see where the mother is coming from. She is probably so used to this constant abuse from her child that it's normalized to her.
From an outside perspective, his sister is the most spoiled child ever. I have been around plenty of white children and they don’t act the way she does. She doesn’t listen, wants constant attention, victim mentality like she could never do no wrong and it is just everyone around her thats mean but I can’t deal with the constant baby talk and crying and cussing her mom out. It’s exhausting and I can’t even imagine how her mom feels dealing with her 24/7.
I follow his sister on TikTok and she doesn't post the typical stuff a 10 year old would post like dancing videos. Instead, she would post really sad stuff about how no one understands her and blah blah. If you look at her reposts, it is all about being misunderstood, no one loves her, and depressive posts etc. But I feel as though that this is all performative or to gain sympathy because nobody ever stands up to her so whenever someone will try to say no to her, she would just go ballistic and that's when all the sad posts will come out.
I don’t know, I feel as though there are underlying issues like maybe lack of father figure in her life? Or how her half-brother she was insanely close with suddenly became a drug addict — even then, when he was in her life she still acted like this. Or maybe undiagnosed autism? Either way, these could be dealt with the right parenting and everyone around her not enabling this.
I’m always trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but recently it’s just been really hard to, and I could tell the way my boyfriend looks at me that he doesn’t like the fact that I dislike his sister, which I understand, but it’s impossible to.
I just wanted to know if I’m overreacting or not.
Thanks for listening to me, any comment or advice or criticism is welcomed. | ngl this kid isn’t “quirky,” she’s straight up feral 😭 throwing cats + cussing her mom?? that’s not a personality, that’s bad parenting. ur not crazy. |
AITAH FOR "HUMILIATING" MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IN FRONT OF HER CLASSMATES | Hi everyone this is a throwaway account so I hope my parents dont find this. Something happened last year that is still affecting us til now and I dont know how to go about it.
I 45f and my husband 47m have 4 kids (17f, 15f and 11m). My 15year old Alexia (fake name) is a bully. We found out last year after the victim's mom talked to me during a school pickup. For more insight, the victim is dyslexic and is very shy because of that. My daughter apparently is relentlessly bullying her and calling her names like dense, illiterate and mute. Im not saying my daughter is the only bully because half the class was bullying the girl. They isolated her over her learning disability and mistreated her for months. Apparently this was going on for months, without the school contacting parents of bullies but punishing the bullies.
So after some time I spoke to my husband and we had a talk with her that she should apologise to the girl and she said no she wont be doing that. At the end of year Parent Teacher Conference because we usually have 3 in a school year, I walked up front and apologised for my daughter's actions in front of everyone, and specially apologised to the victim's mother. My daughter did not want to apologise so I did it instead. A few weeks after that my mom called me telling me that I humiliated my daughter and that there was a better way to handle it. I am guessing Alexia told her.
I told her that I asked Alexia to aplogise and she repeatedly declined so I decided to be a decent human and do it, the other parents there say they would never put their child through that. My mom said I was reacting off the fact that I was bullied and I am taking that out on my kid over a few months of bad behaviour. I told her I am not raising a bully. Alexia went to my parents house during the christmas with her siblings and this past week says she doesnt wanna come back to stay with us anymore she wants to live with her grandparents and my parents are encouraging her. I argued with my parents about them enabling her and we are sick of it but they wont listen.
I just dont get why she would bully, she was never bullied, we are not strict parents, we give all our kids love and attention. My mother's response dissapointed me because she has seen what bullying did to me so why would she want me to raise someone who would treat someone else's child like that. The school did nothing to help the victim and infact just kept giving Alexia and whoever was part of it, detention and manual labour punishment, It sucks to see thet bullying still isnt taken seriously. Schools reopen soon so my husband says we should go get her whether she likes it or not. Do we switch her schools before schools reopen or just keep her at the same school.
AITAH FOR apparently humiliating her in front of her peers? I just wanna make sure we raise a decent human being but its like she doesnt even seem remorseful of her actions. Also maybe the fact that some of her friends parents didnt punish them makes her feel like I am being tough on her. Am I wrong? | NTA. Apologizing isn’t humiliating. She still doesn’t get it and is still acting like a bully, and unless this is addressed properly, the same girl will keep being bullied. |
AITAH for never telling my older brother I loved him? | My 19F older brother 25M just died a few weeks ago, just days before Christmas, he had a heart attack and died at the hospital, it destroyed all of us especially my dad, he hasn’t been himself since then.
My older brother was obese, we always tried getting him to go to the gym or get on a diet but nothing helped, for the past few years every single day he’d drink multiple energy drinks while not physically moving anywhere, he had a desk job where he sat all day long, I always loved him but the past few years I resented him for not changing anything about his life and I always knew this was probably going to happen if he didn’t change, we tried the nice way with him and it didn’t work so I tried being mean, I told him no girl I know would be fine with someone like him who doesn’t take care of himself, he didn’t care or listen to me, I was so mad at him but deep down I always loved him, despite everything he was a good older brother and he loved me and would always spoil me, but I wanted him to improve his life. And now he’s dead and buried, and I fucking hate him for it so much. He could still be here right now if he just listened to us.
I love him so much and I hope he knew before he died that I did love him despite of everything and that I only acted like that because I loved him, I haven’t told him that I love him in years before he died. I miss him so much already.
Was I an asshole for how I treated him? I only did it because he wasn’t listening to us when we were polite and I thought being brutally honest would help him more even if it hurt him. | You do know that it’s possible to both be hard on someone while assuring them that they are loved, right, OP?
Yeah, YTA. Sorry. We all make mistakes when we are young, and the regrets we have when people die aren’t regrets that can be tidied away through any amount of self-justification.
Just try to be kind, find your ethical boundaries (most of us do this by making mistakes, most small, some big) and try to be a good person as judged by your own conscience. |
AITAH that my boyfriend gets coughed for weed? | Long story short: Im 29(f) and my boyfriend 32(m) were dating like 1,5 years. One month ago we had a really big fight so some of our neighbours called to police, when police came in our apartment they had separate conversations with me and my partner. I was in tears because he did really scared me that night but I didn’t press any charges even though police officer told me not to be afraid to call police if I feel myself in danger . In his situation everything was different because police did found some weed in his pockets. So they took him to the police station and I think now it in his case. Eventually we had a looooong conversation after and tried to figure out what to do after. He was beginning me not to breaking up with him and give him a chance. I did give him a chance and after that everything was great. Until today.
He works as a bartender but he wanted to apply for another job (Uber). Fine. I was supportive, helping him as I could. But eventually he failed the security check (because of that story with a weed) he became absolutely fuming and keeps telling me that it was all my fault. That all was because of me.
Im so tired for another fight but I also don’t know what to do: if I try to finish this relationship he’ll start threatening me with his su”””de( it was like that previous 3 times)
I feel trapped because I’m alone in this country, and I basically don’t know what to do. Im starting thinking that it all really was because of me. That if I was a little bit stronger I could just run away, but I’m not. He knows where I’m working, he knows where is my university and I literally can’t do nothing with it (because I’m supporting my family back in my country and my language is not good enough for some better job). I can’t even afford a therapist, so that’s why I’m writing it here to understand what is going on with my life. So am I the asshole? | Just leave him. The situation isn't going to get better. It only gets worse. Involve the cops again. Tell them he is threatening self harm.
You're too young to let this shit become your life. You're not describing a relationship. It's a fucking hostage situation. Run before it gets any worse |
AITAH For Choosing Lord of The Rings Over My Girlfriend? | Hoping to get some objective feedback on this situation as it’s gotten so emotionally tangled between us.
I (28M) and my girlfriend (28F) have been together coming up on four years now. We love each other very much and although problems and disagreements come up we have always been able to work through them with empathy and care, but this time I’m worried I’m in the wrong.
I am a huge movie buff, grew up watching movies constantly and LOVE Lord of The Rings, but my girlfriend grew up opposite to me and never really watched or cared for movies at all. She has however cared and put a lot of effort into watching movies that I loved as a kid or want to see now, it means a lot to me.
About a month ago I bought tickets to see each other the Lord of The Rings movies on a separate night of a weekend (one each night Friday, Saturday, and Sunday). It’s the 25th anniversary of the movies so they’re showing them in theaters for two weekend only. This weekend is the first weekend and next weekend is the second. I bought tickets for this weekend because our anniversary trip that I planned is that second weekend. I was too young when they came out to see them in theaters so when I saw they were coming back I jumped on the tickets right away. My girlfriend is even coming to watch the third one with me on Sunday, she said watching all of them back to back would be too much and I completely understood.
My girlfriend is in an accelerated Masters program and has just started her Winter term of her final year last week. Already she is stressed out to the max and overwhelmed. I try to do all that I can to help alleviate any extra stress but school and work are plenty to drive anyone crazy.
So the problem started last night when she came to me and told me that Saturday evening looked like it was going to be clear and perfect for a drive to the coast to watch the sunset. We live about an hour from the Pacific and often will drive over for a few hours then head home. With it being winter, the chances for it to be clear enough to see a nice sunset are rare, plus my girlfriend is someone (like me) who loves the outdoors and requires time and experiences to feel sane throughout the year. This is typically something I would love to do and would accept with no hesitation, but I told her I couldn’t due to the movie that night that I already bought a ticket for.
I don’t think it’s worth it to go beat by beat with this conversation but essentially she’s upset because she feels like we haven’t had time to connect in the last few weeks and that I’d rather go to a movie alone than the sunset with her. I tried to explain that I’ve had these tickets for a long time and have been looking forward to this. She says she’s been looking forward to her plans all day and now that they aren’t going to happen she’s really really sad and feels like she has nothing to get her through this week. I suggested she ask some friends to go with her but she said she’s only wanted to go with me and that nights like this won’t happen again this winter. I don’t often schedule things just for me, and I was feeling really defensive that this was the first time in what I felt was a while that I planned something just for myself and now I felt like I should cancel it to make her feel better.
We didn’t resolve it in that initial conversation and she gave me a cold shoulder the rest of the night. This morning we tried to talk about it again and she said she was hoping I would just cancel the movie and go with her because I would realize that’s the right thing to do, but that just made me dig my heels in harder. She was so upset about it that she started to really break down and cry. She said if I truly understood how hard this term has been for her then I would change my plans. She feels so strongly about this that it makes me question if I should just give in and change my plans but I am so worried that will lead to resentment on my end. Any other day of the year and I’m right there with her but this is the one time I want to do something just for me and I’m having a really hard time letting it go. I love my girlfriend so much and never want to see her so upset, especially for something that I’m contributing to but AITAH?? | NTA
For some reason she's trying to manipulate you into giving way on one of your passions to "prove" she means more to you.
Does she test you in other ways? |
AITAH for telling my mum she is at fault for my cat dying? | In September unfortunately my cat passed away. He was about 8 years old which is young for a cat to pass away. We don’t know how he died we just found him in the morning where he seemed to be sleeping before dying.
For months he was showing concerning behaviour and he was constantly ill which I brought to my mums attention constantly. Every time he was ill I told her we needed to get him checked out but she would always tell me that cats always get sick and he will be fine. I knew that he wasn’t fine but there was nothing I could do about it since I am a minor and I can’t make vet appointments. He was so obviously ill and she knew it but she thinks that the vet is a waste of money which I also believe but money is not an issue in our family. We aren’t rich but we are able to afford vet trips since they aren’t constant.
Now here’s where i had an argument with her. My other cat who is my dead cats sibling has been showing concerning behaviour which we took her to the vet for and they gave her medication. A few weeks later she was doing the same thing and I was really concerned and I told her we needed to take her to the vet. She said I will and that was that. She did not book and appointment so again I brought it up and she said that she will but she didn’t again. So I said to her again that we really needed to take her and that I was worried for her. This caused an argument and I told my mum how scared I was for my cat and that I didn’t want another one of my pets dying. My mum called me a weirdo for acting how I was but I just was trying to get her to listen to me. I told her that my other cat dying was her fault which I know is harsh and I shouldn’t have said it but at the same time she was negligent towards his health and didn’t listen to me for months. She just started yelling at me and was ignoring the points I was making.
We ended up taking my other cat to the vet and there was in fact something up that needed to be treated and she is on medication again and should be feeling better soon. | So sorry for your loss, yet so glad you advocated for the other. NTA, it is your mother's fault a cat has died, she's such an Ahole. Keep being a good and responsible person! |
My (32M) GF (29F) says she is a “shell” of who she was and that I made her insecure. She says she loves me but she doesn’t love herself anymore. AITAH for this? | We started dating about 10 months ago. She really is a lovely girl and we clicked instantly, shared similar views, and just get along so well.
Early on in the relationship though, I was not very sure what I wanted and I really hurt her. She was all in about pursuing me after a couple weeks. She said she canceled/called off all her other potential Hinge dates. Told them she dates 1 at a time and that if anything changes she’d let them know.
I told her I’d only date her too. But.. I continued talking to girls, flirting, basically pretending I was fully single. There was a night we went out together, had sex, then slept over. Then next day I had day drinking plans with friends. I went all around town, getting numbers and flirting. She later found out and was crushed this happened on the same day we had a romantic night together. I told her it was just out of insecurity and I didn’t want to act on it or have anything to do with them. There were many other events too… she caught me looking up my previous flings, I told her about girls at my work that I have been flirting with, that I still have nudes of my ex but I don’t wanna delete them yet. And told her about multiple girls I slept with just week and weeks before meeting her. She said this all broke her.
I told her I love the gym and it’s a dealbreaker for me. She was happy to take on my lifestyle habit and started going to the gym with me daily early in the morning. She now loves it and is super fit. (She already was quite fit in the first place tho, but now extremely). She hated that I constantly asked her what her weight is and thought I was asking because I was tracking and hoping she’d lose weight. I was more just curious cuz I’m into fitness and such, but I understood that it can be hurtful.
I sold her my car and she lets me use it anytime so I don’t have to put miles on my new work (long commute to work). I think all this stuff piled up and she says I made her someone insecure.
Is this feeling valid or are these normal things in relationship - AITAH? | Omg dude. YTA X4 things in this one post alone.
Work on yourself. |
AITAH For just stopping communication with my brother? | Let me preface this whole thing by saying, this is gonna be a long post and most people view me as leaning towards an asshole because I am extremely blunt. One of the ways I am blunt is that I don't believe one person's morals should negate the morals of another person. Example, I am not religious, I do not believe in God but if you do I think that is awesome, you have a level of faith that I have not been able to achieve. But a few years ago there was this cake company that refused to make a cake for a gay wedding stating that they don't want to be involved because they are Christians and this went against their morals. This somehow went viral because people said they were homophobic ect. But these are their values and morals and they stuck by them and I commend them for not compromising those morals. To me this is no different than a Jewish owned catering company saying we only cook kosher and refusing to make pork loin for a catering job. It goes against their beliefs and their are probably other catering services that will accommodate your needs, just like there is most likely a cake company out there that will make your cake for you but instead you have made it your goal to try and destroy these people for their morals and beliefs because they don't align with yours. Call me an asshole if you like but that's where I stand on the issue.
With all that being said here we go. I have pretty much known that my brother is gay since he was knee high to a grasshopper, it's just who he is. I used yo have a problem with it because of how I was raised but now later in life I realized how stupid this is. I did however have a problem with the fact that he married a woman and was cheating on her with men. He told me at one point he had told his wife and they agreed he could keep doing it but I still disagreed it wasnt fair to her, my moral values here. He finally decided that he was going to divorce and "come out" to the world after our mother passed, she also knew by the way. They had been married for 15 years or so at this point. I offered to build him and my nephew rooms in my basement so that he could get his feet under him and save for his own place. He said awesome, and was so excited about all the men he was about to date and how he wanted to play the field now that he was out. My wife, a Christian asked that he not bring home a bunch of men to our house because she did not want that around our young children, her morals and beliefs. He responded by saying he was going to and if we didn't like it he would move in, I responded by saying then that is your decision good luck to you. He got his own apartment.
Fast forward a few years, I am a conservative and I speak my mind, again I am very blunt. Things like I don't think biologically male athletes should be in women's sports, I said what I said. My brother and I butt heads over stuff like this constantly over these few years. I am under the impression that what you do privately is fine but when what you do has an affect publically, like being a man in women's sports this is unfair to biological women, this is not right, period. Now my brother, before he came out used to love going fishing hunting and going to the range shooting with me, and stated after he came out he only did these things because he wanted me to like him to which I said dude your my brother I love you no matter what. But then he started like running as far from anything we had as far as he could, dying his hair purple putting on makeup and nail polish shit the man put on a cape and because "SUPER GAY" like almost cartoonish. I chalked this up to having spent his whole life up to this point trying to pretend being cis and figured it would even itself out eventually. He met a guy and they got married. We had one of our fillings out over moral issues and I was not invited to the wedding. I sent him a gift of a jigsaw and said "I hope you two build something great together".
My brother came back around and it seemed like things were settling down. I then had a heart to heart with him. He asked me what I thought about him being gay and men being gay in general. I responded that probably only 10% of people are truly 100% straight and 10% are truly 100% gay. The rest of us lie somewhere in the other 80% leaning to one side or the other in varying degrees. And I said that I am most likely somewhere in there. I said that I can look at another man and see that that man is attractive and how another man could want him some of that, but that it really just doesn't work for me. And that I was happy he found someone he coukd share his life with.
A few weeks or maybe months later, Thanksgiving was coming up and this was in the height of covid. My brother's husband's family was very strict about social distancing and I wanted to keep to social distancing during the holidays so no big family dinner. Our Parents had passed so it was just my brother and I left and I decided hey let's invite him and his husband and my nephew to a Thanksgiving dinner so they didn't have to be alone for their first Thanksgiving. I went on facebook to send him a message through messenger and the very first thing on his public page was a long post about how I didn't truly accept him that I only tolerate him. And how I think his lifestyle is sleeve. There was alot more to it but that was the gist of it. I have not spoken to him since. This was the final straw for me, those words never once came out of my mouth, and when my wife confronted him about the post he said "I just love stirring the pot". He does stuff like this alot. When my mom was alive he charged up her credit cards and when asked to pay them he told my mother all she cared about was money and was greedy she said you don't owe me a dime and didn't talk to him for a year and a half. He talks about me behind my back constantly and I had heard about the shit he was saying but kept ignoring it, trying to keep the peace but my wife was pissed about this and hated that he was talking smack to his "new" family and telling them what horrible conservatives we are (my wife is a registered democrat). Bur this blatantly absurd lie of a post blew my top, I was just done. I got so angry I started to cry. I wanted to call him up and just let him have it, to let him know where the bear shit in the buckwheat but quickly realized this is exactly what he wanted. He wanted me to snap so he could say "see look at the big mean man". But I just wasn't having it.
He called me a few days later I ignored, he texted Happy Thanksgiving I ignored. He then texted my wife saying he didn't know what was going on to which my wife responded you know exactly what's wrong and you need to take this up with him. He responded saying well I guess the truth hurts, which means he knew all along he just wanted to get my goat. He even texted me several times telling me he was going to throw away large expensive tool I had lent him, because he wanted to start woodworking, if I didn't get back to him. At this point I am just tired of this petty ass bullshit from him and man life has been nice without the drama he constantly brought to the table.
So AITAH For just cutting things off? I just don't want to deal with his shit anymore. It has been over 5 years at this point and I still haven't spoken to him despite the many times he has contacted me. | You do realize that this sub is mostly bleeding heart liberals and they're going to crucify you, right? |
AITAH for wanting my brother to be kicked out. | My brother is a 19 y/o guy who still lives with my mum and dad, I call them my because I don't feel he deserves them, or any family. For some context, my parents are saints to my brother, they took him in from a dysfunctional home when he was young and adopted him, as they did for me. My mother spent 73 days and nights in the hospital when he beat cancer and through his journey. They have spent tens of thousands on speech therapy for him as he has a stammer. But he's such an ungrateful twat. He screams at my mother, he doesn't clean, can't cook, won't pay rent, takes a 40 minute shower every day, eats shit, and makes my parents pay for unnecessary medical aids, like skin meds, which he doesn't appreciate. I am at my limit with dealing with his shit, he is so unpleasant to be around I cannot go to family gatherings or dinner if he'll be there. He's such a jackass, and I want my parents to kick him out. If his room door is open, I can taste the smell when I'm walking up the stairs, but my parents don't care. It's driving me mad, and I can tell it's getting to my dad too. My dad founded his own business 30 years ago and does very good for us, he gave my brother half of his business to have as his own, he pays for his van and his equipment which is well over 70k worth, and my brother sleeps in until 4, goes on one job, and makes 10k a month. Yet he won't pay for shit in the house. He's a vile person, but I wonder if I'm being short sighted, and if it's extreme for me to want to have him kicked out? I feel it's really getting under my skin | I think you should tell your parents they are failing HIM right now, because they are enabling him to behave very badly without negative consequences. He needs to be put out into the real world where he can learn to be a functioning human and member of society. |
AITAH for disagreeing with my mom over setting a boundary with a viewer | This is my very first post so please be patient with me.
For some context I am a twitch streamer, a vtuber specifically. My model is completely covered, and not meant to be super attractive. A few weeks ago I had a viewer who started popping in regularly and began making flirty comments and insinuating physical advances. I tried to politely tell them that I wasn’t interested in that kind of thing. This person then immediately unfollowed me on all platforms and left my discord server. I just did a mental eye roll as it seemed to me that they only watched because they thought my model was attractive and not because they thought I was funny or whatever. Literally no biggie.
My parents know I stream and sometimes I tell them stuff about sponsors I got or things that happened on stream and I decided to tell my mother about this story. I told it like it was a funny story and her reaction was to sympathize with the former viewer. She said something along the lines of like ‘oh well that makes sense he probably thought he had a chance I don’t think that’s off.’ I tried to explain to her why thats generally not cool, and she said I was being harsh.
She then wanted to keep talking about it, wanting me to see her side, but I told her I don’t know why you think that way but that’s ok you’re allowed to think differently and I wanted to conversation to end there. I said let’s just talk about something else. She accused me of dismissing her and became visibly angry although she’s very good at controlling her tone. It then became a whole thing of her thinking I was upset, when I told her I’m not im just seeing this conversation starting to steer in the same direction as previous ones and it always ends in us arguing so I’m trying to stop it before it gets to that point.
She then began asking things like, ‘should I not be able to say my opinion?’ and ‘well you tell me what I should have said’. At this point I’m a nervous wreck and I start fumbling over my words because, again, I see this conversation as a train that’s about to derail. I try to tell her that and that I’m trying to put on the breaks but it feels like she’s pushing full steam ahead. Her response is ‘don’t put this on me’ and at that point I can’t control it any longer and I start crying.
This only serves to upset her more this seems as she starts saying that this isn’t normal and she’s just ‘trying to have a conversation’ and I should be able to talk to people. ‘I don’t know if you just can’t do face to face conversations anymore but you need to go to therapy.’ I work in customer service and talk to people for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. I don’t disagree that I need therapy but she makes me feel like I’m the only one with the problem and she’s done no wrong.
So I guess that’s my question. AITAH in general in this whole situation or are we both in the wrong? Because she makes it seem like it’s only me and I feel like I’m going crazy because of it.
Thank you. | nta I get the vibes she just wanted you to agree with her which is ??? you have the right to your own opinion |
AITAH for not wanting to drive to my friends place to return her the keys from her apartment | My friend from another city (let's call her Stacey) came to visit me during the winter holidays. Initially, it was planned that she would stay at my place, but due to my mother's unexpected visit (which I couldn't influence in any way), Stacey had to find another place to stay for a couple of days. So, I asked my other friend (let's call her Jessica) to take Stacey in. It's worth noting that I was the one handling the question of "Where will Stacey live," because I was the one who invited her, and it seemed wrong to me to kick her out or make her pay for this situation; in any case, her visit was my responsibility.
Jessica agreed. She and Stacey got along well, even if they weren't close friends. However, it later turned out that even before Stacey was supposed to move into her apartment, Jessica would leave for her hometown to see her relatives. The problem was that she had only one copy of the keys, which couldn't be conveniently handed over in person. (On the day Jessica was leaving for the airport, Stacey was still staying with me). Therefore, it was decided that Jessica would leave the keys on a hook near the entrance to her apartment.
Anyway, shortly before it was time for Stacey to move into Jessica's apartment, we went together to get the keys. Once there, we discovered we couldn't retrieve the keys without entering the building's entrance, and to enter the entrance, you needed a key. So, we just waited for someone to come out of the building so we could slip through the open door. This wasn't much trouble for us or anything like that.
A little later, Stacey moved in, everything was fine. Except that upon her arrival, my mother almost immediately got sick, infecting me. I, in turn, infected Stacey. So, my mother left, and Stacey (already sick) moved back to my place to free up Jessica's apartment for her return.
Now comes the important part. Before leaving Jessica's apartment, we didn't know what to do with her keys, as we didn't know if she planned to go straight home after her flight or decided to stop by and meet at my place first (as she often did before). We tried to call Jessica, but she didn't answer, so we decided to keep the keys with us just in case. (Jessica had a late flight. And if we had left the keys by the apartment, she would have had to stand by the entrance, waiting for someone to come out, just like we did earlier. Only, we did it in the morning, and she would have had to stand in the freezing cold in the middle of the night when no one needs to leave the house).
Originally, we planned to meet Jessica from the plane (she was hoping for our help with her heavy bags), but due to illness, plans changed abruptly, and we had to come up with a new course of action. After all, we were both lying at home with a fever and couldn't meet her.
A few hours before Jessica's flight, Stacey texted her with a suggestion: Jessica would take a taxi from the airport to my house, where we would give her the keys, and then we would pay for her taxi to her apartment. Jessica agreed, and we calmly waited for her arrival, not giving it much more thought.
The problems started after her arrival. Basically, Jessica decided she was too tired to go to my house. As it turned out, she initially planned to come to my place by bus, although we were sure she would take a taxi. Since we were sick, she had no one else to help with her bags (although she was aware of our condition long before her flight), so she thought it would be fair if we either:
a) Paid for her taxi to our house, and then she would go home at her own expense (which would cost three times more than the original option where we would pay only for her ride home).
b) Came to her house ourselves and handed over the keys there (which is what we ended up doing, but I need to explain why I'm still displeased and why Jessica is now upset with both of us).
Initially, Jessica discussed the plan of action in a private chat with Stacey, meaning I wasn't part of the conversation at all (although Stacey kept me informed that Jessica had agreed to the first proposed option). This seemed logical to me because Stacey was the one with the keys.
Anyway, as soon as Jessica landed, she sent Stacey a bunch of complaints, accusing her of "letting things slide." In Jessica's opinion, Stacey should have found other people to help with the bags, even though Stacey has no other acquaintances in the city besides us. She also accused Stacey of being irresponsible, which outraged Stacey since she had proposed a plan in advance that Jessica had agreed to. In Stacey's opinion, Jessica had enough time to dispute that option so we could all come up with a new plan together.
Now, when her inconveniences suddenly surfaced, she didn't even give us a chance to think of a new alternative. We genuinely didn't understand what the inconvenience was for her to come to my apartment under Stacey's proposed option, especially since one of her own options assumed she would do exactly the same thing, just at our expense.
By the way, the cost of a taxi from the airport to my house was practically the same as to Jessica's house. The travel time wasn't much different either (3 minutes). But Jessica claimed she would have to go to the other end of the city. That's why Stacey initially proposed that option. The only thing Jessica would lose in that case was the time to get home (in a taxi paid for by us).
At that moment, I intervened in their discussion (I took Stacey's phone to talk to Jessica. Again, until then she had discussed everything only with Stacey). In short, I tried to understand what exactly was difficult for her about the initial plan. Spoiler: I never understood. And why she was so angry with us if she initially agreed to everything. Spoiler: I didn't understand that either.
In the end, Stacey agreed to Jessica's second option and went to her apartment. However, Jessica didn't see her message (or ignored it, I don't know) and started threatening to call my mother and beg her for money for a taxi. That made me very angry at the time, so I refused to go to her. I transferred Stacey the missing amount for the taxi and stayed home. We were both still feeling unwell, and her temperature spiked when she returned.
We had no further interaction with Jessica until the next day, especially since she hadn't listened to most of our voice messages by then.
The next day, she texted me to discuss everything. We called so it would be easier for each of us to express our thoughts. Stacey was sitting next to me, and I put the call on speakerphone because it seemed logical to me that we should discuss the situation all together. However, it turned out that Jessica didn't want to discuss anything with Stacey. When I asked her why, she replied that she believed it was all my responsibility.
In the end, we still couldn't discuss everything calmly. Jessica got angry that we didn't want to take her side and hung up, still not answering most of our questions. She reproached us that, despite feeling unwell, it was still our responsibility. At the same time, when we asked her why she initially agreed to Stacey's original option, she said she didn't think about it because she was also feeling unwell, but emotionally. By the way, she didn't tell us anything about that at the time; apparently, we were supposed to read her mind to understand something was wrong.
Jessica said she expected us to take care of her comfort, but she didn't voice her own expectations. Stacey offered her an option that seemed most comfortable for each party, while Jessica wanted everything to be comfortable only for her. After which she accused us of taking advantage of her, even though we ultimately conceded and everything ended the way she wanted.
So, am I the ahole? | This is too long and annoying to read. Can’t believe I (almost) got through it. But from the basics that I can gather, you asked Jessica to house your friend that she didn’t know. She did that. I actually think Jessica also asking for you to pay for her to be able to go home is extremely reasonable. Meaning that this entire event was her doing you a favor, and she shouldn’t have to pay money just to get home after a trip. I personally would have offered to pay for her taxis all the way until she got home. Because it’s also not Jessica’s fault you got sick. Jessica didn’t sign up for all the complications described in your post. She did you a favor and expected to not have to pay money for it.
Edit: YTA |
AITAH for not liking "cute" things? | I don't know if I'm looking into it too much or being too sensitive but you can't be cute without being childish.
Nothing cute has not been childish, for example the biggest examples of "cuteness" are chubby cheeks, big eyes, innocence and etc etc. and those traits are in all children. The things we consider cute are again childish things. The beauty standards for women literally focus on how childish they can be (small, hairless, cute).
We already know that most of the ultra wealthy people and world leaders pedophiles and rapists, and it trickles down to normal people as well, no one is born a pedophile, they are conditioned into thinking it's normal. This part was the more systemic part.
This one is more on the personal note:
Everyone has been on porn sites, in it the top things are always "18y/o-", "cute-", "teen" etc. And the constant use of pigtails, childlike poses, and childish clothing is disgusting. It constantly pushes pedophilia and considering most men and women have watched porn, it definitely affects us. This is what men watch then we act surprised when we find out men generate child sexual abuse material of little girls the first chance they get at generating things.
This one is even more personal because I've been seeing a lot of child rape cases and they show the victims clothing of something of theirs and it always breaks my heart.
A combination of these things have led to me feeling disgusted whenever I see anything childish. That is like bright coloured things which have obvious cartoon characters or games or anything of that sort.
AITAH? | It depends on how this manifests. Do you see say, an adult woman in pigtails or who has stuffed animals and automatically assume she’s infantizing herself to appeal to pedophiles? Do you see say, media marketed to young girls and automatically assume such?
Because that could be a reflection of misogyny. Do you have the same reaction to stereotypical interests for little boys (Dinosaurs, monster trucks, the colour blue (rather than pink or purple).
The little girls you mentioned should not be blamed even if unconsciously for their sexualization by pedophiles.
But ultimately you aren’t the AH for how you feel, but I do think some of it is projection on your part. |
AITAH for getting annoyed about my cleaning attempts? | 32F/30M. Here is what happens. He is currently and has been home for an extended period. Prior to this extended stay at home I would clean 2-3 hours a day since I WFH. It’s important to mention I also have ADHD so when I want to do something it’s important I do it in that moment if possible. Or it’s important if I make plans I do them as otherwise I feel I let myself down as I didn’t do task. This mainly is my cleaning.
Since he’s been home between depression and adjusting, and working over 40 hours a week since May, cleaning has fell off. I’m now ready to get to it and so the past month I get off work, cook breakfast and try to clean. But whenever I start, I get rushed. Or I say I’m going to go clean XYZ after XYS and I’m told you can do it later. Which I know is not going to happen with the same vigor.
Today I snapped and exploded saying, ” your not the one who has to make breakfast, fold the laundry (I’ve let it build up for 3 days), do the cat box and come back to work. All you do is workout, watch anime, barely any housework, and cook dinner some nights. If I want to spend some extra time cleaning that’s not your call, especially when you’re laying in bed until 11/1130 just on your phone“.
So am AITAH for crashing out? | https://www.spiescoaching.co.uk/blog/w9x1pdbrnu5aahioh7cdmfadn01ueh
https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/2iUHnDrtFf
NTA |
AITAH for telling my partner's friend's fiancé he had cheated on her? | All of us are around 30.
Let's call my partner's friend "Sam" and his now-ex fiancé "Kim"
Sam and Kim have been together for about 5 years, they got engaged around a year ago and were planning their wedding.
Kim has had a stable job the entire time, Sam has been in and out of work.
Sam has been repeatedly lying to Kim their entire relationship, he gaslights her, he controls her, it's just a whole bunch of unhealthy.
They were already struggling to make ends meet and Sam quit his job over something petty. He has been out of work for almost 6 months and has only had 1 interview. Kim keeps telling him to take her car and DoorDash- he makes excuses every time.
My partner and I ran into a friend a couple weeks ago who told us that Sam said Kim gave him a deadline to get a job or she would be gone. That deadline is February.
Tonight, my partner decided to reach out to Kim, she's not the most social so her friend circle is small- when she started dating Sam, we pulled her into our little "friend family" but Sam wasn't too keen on us talking to her privately (i.e. text) so he hadn't done it before. He texted her to ask how she's doing and to let her know we're always here if she needs anything.
Kim vented about everything, she was very clearly done already- she's just been holding out until the end of their lease in 4 months. She told us that Sam's deadline of February is a deadline for him to continue living in the house they rent since he's not contributing to any bills.
Kim asked my partner, since he's Sam's best friend, if there were any lies he could tell her from their relationship so she could have some closure.
So my partner called her, they went over some major ones- Sam had lied about every job he'd been fired from or quit from over the course of their relationship (which was a lot). He was going to leave out the cheating- because Sam had told him he already told Kim.
But then Kim asked "have there been other women? Because it feels like he's been hiding something like that for a while"
My partner stayed silent so I shared because her wording made it sound like Sam lied to my partner.
Turns out he did lie. Kim had never been told, she didn't outright catch him but she'd had suspicions for years.
It opened a whole can of worms- my partner shared that, not only did Sam cheat on her more than once with the same woman, he was sending NSFW snapchats back and forth with multiple exes and several "friends".
The woman Sam cheated with is acquaintances with Kim, Kim decided to message the woman to ask her- since we were all somewhat doubtful. The other woman is fairly attractive, she always goes for very attractive men, she's also a known gold digger. Sam has no gold to dig and he's.... very not attractive. She denied everything.
We got off the phone with Kim and a few minutes later, Sam called. He said the other woman called him asking why Kim was asking questions, that he called Kim, and then Kim broke up with him.
He relayed from the other woman that Kim said "Someone" asked her about the cheating- for all we know, my partner is the only one Sam told, he may have also only been bragging with a lie (he often does). It kinda sounded like he was just trying to test my partner.
On one hand, I don't feel bad about being honest. On the other, I feel like shit about telling her. Not because I feel any loyalty to Sam, I never really liked him (he constantly lies, he's also controlling to the point where he's told my partner to put me in my place. He's just... a chore of a person and gives nothing to any relationship in his life while expecting everything) But because did she really need to know?
She was already going to end the relationship. The cheating was never verified by anyone- just something Sam bragged about, unless you include the images he sent back and forth. All it really did was let her know she'd been betrayed in such a horrible way by someone she gave her all to.
Kim is doing fairly well with all this- I've been texting with her all night. She feels bad about ending the relationship, she feels guilty for talking to us behind his back, and she's overall sad. But for someone who just ended a 5 year relationship, she seems to be doing really good. | You’re NTA.. telling Kim the truth gave her the clarity she deserved, and Sam’s behavior wasn’t your responsibility to protect |
Should I participate in a threesome? Or is that stupid? AITAH? | The relationship I have with... (we'll call him Kriss) is quite unusual.
We met three years ago at work; we worked the same shift and started talking. Then I changed jobs, but we stayed in touch. I remember the first time we got together was at his house (it's always at his house). Everything was great, and I have no words to describe the chemistry we had in bed.
From the beginning, Kriss told me he wasn't looking for a relationship or anything like that, that he wasn't interested in that. Okay, I appreciate his honesty; not everyone is like that.
Knowing this, I was the one who accepted the kind of relationship we have. Obviously, I fell in love with him... I've never told him, though, just joking about it.
The kind of relationship where we have trust and everything... At first, he didn't talk about anything, didn't share anything, and I was always the one there... For the last 3 years, our relationship has only consisted of meetings at his house and for... you know what, because I swear we're both surprised by how good it is; we're both in our 30s.
Every time I was in a relationship, obviously I didn't contact him or anything.
And neither did he; before, he wouldn't even say hello.
But this time it's different. A couple of months ago, I was in a relationship. About 7 months, and when it ended, we started talking again, we got together, and it happened... We both talked about it openly and agreed that in our entire lives, there has never been anyone who made us feel this way, neither for him nor for me... It's something inexplicable, by far the best. Now that we started talking again months ago, I found him different... He used words like "my love," "baby," and things like that, and I was like, "OMG, the sky's falling!" He'd never been like that with me before.
He's even the one who initiates the conversation... Something impossible at first. I don't give him much attention, but inside, I'm melting. Days can go by without us talking or answering, and then he'll sometimes appear, or I'll initiate.
I don't lie, and whatever we have is always the truth. He's told me about some girls he's been with (just one-night stands), and I also tell him about my relationship.
We have complete trust and talk about everything. Honestly, I feel like he's changed. He's different with me, maybe because he trusts me more. For example, he went to Colombia for a week's vacation, and every day he just wanted to talk to me.
But about a week ago, I think, before the holidays, he told me that someone had proposed a threesome... WOW! I was like, "What did you say?" She replied, "No, I don't think so, I don't want any drama." Okay, I dropped the subject (obviously I felt uncomfortable).
Until a couple of nights ago, we were talking and she asked if I'd like to have a threesome. I froze. Thank goodness we only talked online, otherwise my face would have been... ugh. I tried to get as much information as I could about who she was or what role she played in his life. I only noticed that they slept together once a while ago. I asked her what she liked and she just said, "She's older and has her things in order."
Okay, I felt something in my stomach... she's changed so much that she even showed me a picture. The thing is, she's missing a girl, and like me, she's the best she's ever had (her words). I wondered. I tried to get information and things, I asked what she would be like, all to prolong the conversation. I've never done it... But I won't lie, I was a little curious... We're both exploring all the limits of pleasure, but together, both of us... We're third parties. I would really hate it if someone else was with him and I was just watching. He says the other girl can just watch, that we'd just be together and the other girl wouldn't be involved at all.
But I know we'll talk about it.
I don't know what to do... I don't want him to do it with anyone else, especially not like that. But even if I don't, I don't want him to find someone else. I'll talk to him tonight.
You tell me if you want to see how it all ends. Kisses.
Any advice?
Thanks | Ma’am, this is a Wendys. |
AITAH for getting upset when my friend makes SH jokes? | So, my friend struggled with self harm, but nothing That’s could cause serious medical issues. She has these small almost like scratch marks on her arm that she likes to show off when she makes new ones. I also struggle with self harm, but to the point I’ve needed stitches, and even months after a relapse, some aren’t healed. I’m not in any way saying mone are worse because self harm is self harm, but it gets upsetting when she calls us “twins” or makes fun of my scars with the excuse that she does it too. Aitah? | ‘Friend’, are you sure? You need to distance yourself from people like this. They will never allow you to heal.
Edit: NTA |
AITAH for feeling this way | So, I just received some bad news: my father has bone cancer. My father hasn't really been part of my life, so I don't feel much right now. I think, oh, that sucks, but that's about it. Nothing else. I don't wish this on him or anyone else. Now, I'm worried that I might be an a\*\*hole for feeling this way. I don't want to hold grudges. Like, come on your father might not have much time left. Yet that was my emotional reaction, and that makes me feel like I'm the one in the wrong here. | Your feelings are your feelings. It's not unusual or wrong to feel less upset about something awful that is happening to someone who's not really been part of your life. From your perspective, I'm sure you have as much sympathy for him as you might for any stranger.
But you can't force feelings of concern and worry when you have no real relationship (other than biological) with him.
You can feel sympathy for him, and for those who are close to him without feeling upset about things yourself.
NTA |
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