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Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "This can be a very challenging decision, and it may take time for you to sort through all of your feelings about the relationship and its possible end. Therapy can help you have a space to be completely honest with yourself about your relationship as you grapple with your decision of whether to remain with your boyfriend. Your therapist can ask questions to guide you in uncovering your true feelings about whether this is the right relationship for you, and he or she can support you in whatever decision you come to.", | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "This can be a very challenging decision, and it may take time for you to sort through all of your feelings about the relationship and its possible end. Therapy can help you have a space to be completely honest with yourself about your relationship as you grapple with your decision of whether to remain with your boyfriend. Your therapist can ask questions to guide you in uncovering your true feelings about whether this is the right relationship for you, and he or she can support you in whatever decision you come to.", | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "This can be a very challenging decision, and it may take time for you to sort through all of your feelings about the relationship and its possible end. Therapy can help you have a space to be completely honest with yourself about your relationship as you grapple with your decision of whether to remain with your boyfriend. Your therapist can ask questions to guide you in uncovering your true feelings about whether this is the right relationship for you, and he or she can support you in whatever decision you come to.", | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "This can be a very challenging decision, and it may take time for you to sort through all of your feelings about the relationship and its possible end. Therapy can help you have a space to be completely honest with yourself about your relationship as you grapple with your decision of whether to remain with your boyfriend. Your therapist can ask questions to guide you in uncovering your true feelings about whether this is the right relationship for you, and he or she can support you in whatever decision you come to.", | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That's a loaded question.\'a0 Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.\'a0 To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.\'a0 If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.\'a0 \'a0If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.\'a0 And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.\'a0 Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", | "The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, ""Why am I asking myself if i should end it?"", ""What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?"", ""is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?"", ""Is he abusive in any way?"" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That's a loaded question.\'a0 Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.\'a0 To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.\'a0 If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.\'a0 \'a0If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.\'a0 And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.\'a0 Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", | "The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal ""deal breakers"". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and\'a0 we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is ""Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay"" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That's a loaded question.\'a0 Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.\'a0 To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.\'a0 If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.\'a0 \'a0If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.\'a0 And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.\'a0 Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", | "Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic.\'a0When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, ""reciprocity"". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run.\'a0What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined.\'a0Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner.\'a0Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life\'a0 involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy.\'a0Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship.\'a0Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse.\'a0So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That's a loaded question.\'a0 Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.\'a0 To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.\'a0 If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.\'a0 \'a0If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.\'a0 And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.\'a0 Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", | "Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.\'a0 One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.\'a0 A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.\'a0 This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.\'a0 If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.\'a0 Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.\'a0 All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.\'a0 This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.\'a0 Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.\'a0 If they say things like ""this is just how I am"" or ""we have problems because of your issues"" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.\'a0 You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That's a loaded question.\'a0 Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.\'a0 To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.\'a0 If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.\'a0 \'a0If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.\'a0 And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.\'a0 Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", | "Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.\'a0 All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.\'a0 What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.\'a0 What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?\'a0 Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?\'a0 When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?\'a0 Is it easier to breathe?\'a0 Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.\'a0 Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.\'a0 Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.\'a0 Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.\'a0 I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That's a loaded question.\'a0 Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.\'a0 To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.\'a0 If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.\'a0 \'a0If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.\'a0 And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.\'a0 Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That's a loaded question.\'a0 Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.\'a0 To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.\'a0 If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.\'a0 \'a0If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.\'a0 And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.\'a0 Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That's a loaded question.\'a0 Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.\'a0 To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.\'a0 If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.\'a0 \'a0If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.\'a0 And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.\'a0 Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That's a loaded question.\'a0 Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.\'a0 To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.\'a0 If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.\'a0 \'a0If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.\'a0 And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.\'a0 Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal ""deal breakers"". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and\'a0 we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is ""Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay"" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.", | "The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, ""Why am I asking myself if i should end it?"", ""What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?"", ""is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?"", ""Is he abusive in any way?"" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic.\'a0When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, ""reciprocity"". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run.\'a0What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined.\'a0Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner.\'a0Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life\'a0 involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy.\'a0Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship.\'a0Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse.\'a0So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.", | "The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, ""Why am I asking myself if i should end it?"", ""What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?"", ""is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?"", ""Is he abusive in any way?"" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.\'a0 One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.\'a0 A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.\'a0 This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.\'a0 If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.\'a0 Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.\'a0 All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.\'a0 This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.\'a0 Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.\'a0 If they say things like ""this is just how I am"" or ""we have problems because of your issues"" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.\'a0 You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.", | "The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, ""Why am I asking myself if i should end it?"", ""What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?"", ""is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?"", ""Is he abusive in any way?"" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.\'a0 All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.\'a0 What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.\'a0 What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?\'a0 Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?\'a0 When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?\'a0 Is it easier to breathe?\'a0 Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.\'a0 Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.\'a0 Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.\'a0 Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.\'a0 I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.", | "The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, ""Why am I asking myself if i should end it?"", ""What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?"", ""is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?"", ""Is he abusive in any way?"" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", | "The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, ""Why am I asking myself if i should end it?"", ""What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?"", ""is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?"", ""Is he abusive in any way?"" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", | "The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, ""Why am I asking myself if i should end it?"", ""What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?"", ""is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?"", ""Is he abusive in any way?"" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", | "The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, ""Why am I asking myself if i should end it?"", ""What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?"", ""is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?"", ""Is he abusive in any way?"" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", | "The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, ""Why am I asking myself if i should end it?"", ""What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?"", ""is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?"", ""Is he abusive in any way?"" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal ""deal breakers"". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and\'a0 we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is ""Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay"" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.", | "Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic.\'a0When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, ""reciprocity"". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run.\'a0What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined.\'a0Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner.\'a0Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life\'a0 involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy.\'a0Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship.\'a0Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse.\'a0So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.\'a0 One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.\'a0 A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.\'a0 This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.\'a0 If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.\'a0 Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.\'a0 All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.\'a0 This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.\'a0 Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.\'a0 If they say things like ""this is just how I am"" or ""we have problems because of your issues"" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.\'a0 You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.", | "The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal ""deal breakers"". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and\'a0 we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is ""Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay"" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.\'a0 All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.\'a0 What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.\'a0 What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?\'a0 Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?\'a0 When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?\'a0 Is it easier to breathe?\'a0 Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.\'a0 Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.\'a0 Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.\'a0 Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.\'a0 I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.", | "The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal ""deal breakers"". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and\'a0 we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is ""Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay"" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", | "The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal ""deal breakers"". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and\'a0 we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is ""Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay"" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", | "The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal ""deal breakers"". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and\'a0 we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is ""Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay"" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", | "The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal ""deal breakers"". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and\'a0 we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is ""Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay"" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", | "The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal ""deal breakers"". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and\'a0 we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is ""Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay"" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.\'a0 One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.\'a0 A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.\'a0 This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.\'a0 If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.\'a0 Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.\'a0 All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.\'a0 This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.\'a0 Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.\'a0 If they say things like ""this is just how I am"" or ""we have problems because of your issues"" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.\'a0 You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.", | "Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic.\'a0When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, ""reciprocity"". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run.\'a0What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined.\'a0Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner.\'a0Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life\'a0 involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy.\'a0Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship.\'a0Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse.\'a0So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.\'a0 All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.\'a0 What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.\'a0 What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?\'a0 Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?\'a0 When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?\'a0 Is it easier to breathe?\'a0 Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.\'a0 Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.\'a0 Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.\'a0 Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.\'a0 I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.", | "Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic.\'a0When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, ""reciprocity"". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run.\'a0What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined.\'a0Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner.\'a0Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life\'a0 involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy.\'a0Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship.\'a0Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse.\'a0So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", | "Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic.\'a0When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, ""reciprocity"". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run.\'a0What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined.\'a0Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner.\'a0Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life\'a0 involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy.\'a0Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship.\'a0Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse.\'a0So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", | "Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic.\'a0When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, ""reciprocity"". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run.\'a0What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined.\'a0Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner.\'a0Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life\'a0 involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy.\'a0Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship.\'a0Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse.\'a0So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", | "Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic.\'a0When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, ""reciprocity"". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run.\'a0What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined.\'a0Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner.\'a0Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life\'a0 involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy.\'a0Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship.\'a0Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse.\'a0So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", | "Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic.\'a0When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, ""reciprocity"". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run.\'a0What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined.\'a0Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner.\'a0Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life\'a0 involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy.\'a0Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship.\'a0Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse.\'a0So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.\'a0 All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.\'a0 What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.\'a0 What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?\'a0 Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?\'a0 When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?\'a0 Is it easier to breathe?\'a0 Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.\'a0 Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.\'a0 Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.\'a0 Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.\'a0 I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.", | "Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.\'a0 One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.\'a0 A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.\'a0 This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.\'a0 If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.\'a0 Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.\'a0 All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.\'a0 This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.\'a0 Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.\'a0 If they say things like ""this is just how I am"" or ""we have problems because of your issues"" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.\'a0 You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.\'a0 One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.\'a0 A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.\'a0 This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.\'a0 If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.\'a0 Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.\'a0 All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.\'a0 This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.\'a0 Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.\'a0 If they say things like ""this is just how I am"" or ""we have problems because of your issues"" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.\'a0 You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.", | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", | "Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.\'a0 One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.\'a0 A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.\'a0 This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.\'a0 If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.\'a0 Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.\'a0 All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.\'a0 This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.\'a0 Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.\'a0 If they say things like ""this is just how I am"" or ""we have problems because of your issues"" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.\'a0 You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", | "Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.\'a0 One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.\'a0 A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.\'a0 This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.\'a0 If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.\'a0 Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.\'a0 All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.\'a0 This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.\'a0 Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.\'a0 If they say things like ""this is just how I am"" or ""we have problems because of your issues"" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.\'a0 You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", | "Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.\'a0 One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.\'a0 A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.\'a0 This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.\'a0 If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.\'a0 Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.\'a0 All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.\'a0 This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.\'a0 Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.\'a0 If they say things like ""this is just how I am"" or ""we have problems because of your issues"" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.\'a0 You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.\'a0 All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.\'a0 What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.\'a0 What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?\'a0 Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?\'a0 When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?\'a0 Is it easier to breathe?\'a0 Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.\'a0 Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.\'a0 Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.\'a0 Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.\'a0 I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.", | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.\'a0 All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.\'a0 What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.\'a0 What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?\'a0 Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?\'a0 When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?\'a0 Is it easier to breathe?\'a0 Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.\'a0 Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.\'a0 Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.\'a0 Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.\'a0 I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.", | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.\'a0 All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.\'a0 What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.\'a0 What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?\'a0 Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?\'a0 When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?\'a0 Is it easier to breathe?\'a0 Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.\'a0 Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.\'a0 Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.\'a0 Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.\'a0 I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.", | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", | "Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.\'a0 All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.\'a0 What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.\'a0 What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?\'a0 Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?\'a0 When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?\'a0 Is it easier to breathe?\'a0 Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.\'a0 Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.\'a0 Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.\'a0 Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.\'a0 I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", | "Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say ""I'm thinking about breaking up with you,"" but you can say something along the lines of, ""I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?"" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.\'a0\'a0As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", | "That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?", |
Should I end it?How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? | "If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.", | "Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?", |
How do I get my husband back?"My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. He says he doesn't love me anymore but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?" | "I believe there's always hope. I also believe that you are worthy of respect and love. I'm curious if you felt loved, cherished, and respected by your husband during your time together.\'a0Feeling willing to go to any extreme to save the marriage is common, but having to do things that go against your values sets you up to develop a lot of resentment.\'a0It sounds like you did not want to be separated from your husband, but now that it's happened, you can make the choice to focus on yourself, rediscovering, or discovering for the first time, what you really want out of life. Taking some time to grieve the loss of your marriage and practice self-care can help in the immediate aftermath.\'a0Are there dreams that you put on a shelf during your marriage that you could reignite? By considering the dreams and desires you had at the beginning of your marriage, you might find some direction for what to do next.", | "I would focus on YOU right now. We cannot control him, his actions, his love, or his decisions. But we can work on you. Think about a few things: What do you want? What do you love about him? What made you two separate? What do you think about being in a relationship where your partner does not love you? Does that seem fair? He may want to work things out or he may be done. He may be done for a short period of time or be done forever. No one can answer that which is why I think you should change the focus.\'a0If you do get back together, will you still trust him to not leave you? What if he does not love you?\'a0If you never get back together, can you still have a healthy, happy life? Can you mourn that relationship but also learn from it?I want you to be strong, happy, and healthy with or without him. So yes, there is hope for you - with or without him.", |
How do I get my husband back?"My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. He says he doesn't love me anymore but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?" | "I believe there's always hope. I also believe that you are worthy of respect and love. I'm curious if you felt loved, cherished, and respected by your husband during your time together.\'a0Feeling willing to go to any extreme to save the marriage is common, but having to do things that go against your values sets you up to develop a lot of resentment.\'a0It sounds like you did not want to be separated from your husband, but now that it's happened, you can make the choice to focus on yourself, rediscovering, or discovering for the first time, what you really want out of life. Taking some time to grieve the loss of your marriage and practice self-care can help in the immediate aftermath.\'a0Are there dreams that you put on a shelf during your marriage that you could reignite? By considering the dreams and desires you had at the beginning of your marriage, you might find some direction for what to do next.", | "Most important is to take care of your feelings regarding that he has left you.From your description \'a0there doesn't seem to be much hope your husband would like to keep the marriage going.Has a long time passed since the two of you separated? \'a0 Sometimes, and really this is very rare, people decide to return to their marriage.If he impulsively decided to leave and now is a short while since he did this, then there is some hope he will decide to stay together.If he's been out of the house for a while and tells you what you wrote, then there is greater chance he's had time to think through to split and will follow through.As painful as it is to hear that someone with whom you'd like to be, doesn't want to be with you, accepting your hurt feelings will eventually let you come to peace with your feelings.To keep hoping against the facts of what he's said to you, only makes your own pain intensify.", |
How do I get my husband back?"My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. He says he doesn't love me anymore but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?" | "I would focus on YOU right now. We cannot control him, his actions, his love, or his decisions. But we can work on you. Think about a few things: What do you want? What do you love about him? What made you two separate? What do you think about being in a relationship where your partner does not love you? Does that seem fair? He may want to work things out or he may be done. He may be done for a short period of time or be done forever. No one can answer that which is why I think you should change the focus.\'a0If you do get back together, will you still trust him to not leave you? What if he does not love you?\'a0If you never get back together, can you still have a healthy, happy life? Can you mourn that relationship but also learn from it?I want you to be strong, happy, and healthy with or without him. So yes, there is hope for you - with or without him.", | "Most important is to take care of your feelings regarding that he has left you.From your description \'a0there doesn't seem to be much hope your husband would like to keep the marriage going.Has a long time passed since the two of you separated? \'a0 Sometimes, and really this is very rare, people decide to return to their marriage.If he impulsively decided to leave and now is a short while since he did this, then there is some hope he will decide to stay together.If he's been out of the house for a while and tells you what you wrote, then there is greater chance he's had time to think through to split and will follow through.As painful as it is to hear that someone with whom you'd like to be, doesn't want to be with you, accepting your hurt feelings will eventually let you come to peace with your feelings.To keep hoping against the facts of what he's said to you, only makes your own pain intensify.", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "What if we think about this in metaphor: imagine a dirt road suddenly paved over - where before it was small, once paved, it was faster, smoother and suddenly you, the driver, knew what real driving could feel like. Then your road got a pothole: now, every time you drive, you hit that hole, and it only seems to get worse, the more you drive over it. \'a0Until that hole is patched - until you choose to fill your heart with either love for another or love for yourself - you might find it challenging to 'keep driving on your road'. Instead of letting go of how you felt, try to hang on to that feeling, just direct it inwards: you've shared you're capable of feeling strongly for another, surely, you're worthy of that same regard? All the best~", | "There is no wrong or right way to define a relationship. I believe each relationship we are in is an opportunity to expand and to know self on a deeper level. We are conditioned to believe that we are not valued, or worth much without the confirmation of others and the world around us.\'a0Give yourself time and try to not go to those who are toxic and enjoy the drama of others lives as s way to avoid looking at themselves.", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "What if we think about this in metaphor: imagine a dirt road suddenly paved over - where before it was small, once paved, it was faster, smoother and suddenly you, the driver, knew what real driving could feel like. Then your road got a pothole: now, every time you drive, you hit that hole, and it only seems to get worse, the more you drive over it. \'a0Until that hole is patched - until you choose to fill your heart with either love for another or love for yourself - you might find it challenging to 'keep driving on your road'. Instead of letting go of how you felt, try to hang on to that feeling, just direct it inwards: you've shared you're capable of feeling strongly for another, surely, you're worthy of that same regard? All the best~", | "Love is a deep and nuanced feeling so start to accept that a simple cutting of emotional connection isn't possible.Honor the love you felt for this person. \'a0Acknowledgement of your love feelings will most likely help you find a dignified way to accept them while at the same time slowly developing new ways to live your life in a way which does not include the actual person.Your feelings will always belong to you. \'a0The newly discovered sense of how love feels will be with you and positively influence all your relationships. \'a0There is a benefit to feeling loved even if it is not forever in this lifetime.Also, your partner opened your feelings, the feelings which showed in fact already were within you. \'a0He opened the door and this door belongs to you.I hope you will find ways to appreciate having been loved and to be open that your feelings of being loved are a positive influence in all your relationships.", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "What if we think about this in metaphor: imagine a dirt road suddenly paved over - where before it was small, once paved, it was faster, smoother and suddenly you, the driver, knew what real driving could feel like. Then your road got a pothole: now, every time you drive, you hit that hole, and it only seems to get worse, the more you drive over it. \'a0Until that hole is patched - until you choose to fill your heart with either love for another or love for yourself - you might find it challenging to 'keep driving on your road'. Instead of letting go of how you felt, try to hang on to that feeling, just direct it inwards: you've shared you're capable of feeling strongly for another, surely, you're worthy of that same regard? All the best~", | "One of the most challenging areas for people to deal with is getting over the the person you have loved so much. It's a catch 22. You know mentally that it's not healthy to think about them. However, your feelings are still there. Moving on is tough. It takes time for feeling to go away. That's the thing, it's not the person you're trying to get over, it's the feeling and the idea of them that is that makes it difficult. You've learned a lot from the relationship and time will help.\'a0Activity will also help. Are you actively living your life? If not, go out and maybe it's time to date and find new love. Grow with new relationships and it will help create focus on someone who may even be better than the love you previously experienced. You can do it!Earl Lewiswww.RelationshipsGoneRight.Com", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "What if we think about this in metaphor: imagine a dirt road suddenly paved over - where before it was small, once paved, it was faster, smoother and suddenly you, the driver, knew what real driving could feel like. Then your road got a pothole: now, every time you drive, you hit that hole, and it only seems to get worse, the more you drive over it. \'a0Until that hole is patched - until you choose to fill your heart with either love for another or love for yourself - you might find it challenging to 'keep driving on your road'. Instead of letting go of how you felt, try to hang on to that feeling, just direct it inwards: you've shared you're capable of feeling strongly for another, surely, you're worthy of that same regard? All the best~", | "It's difficult to move on and let go, especially when you've experienced things for the first time with someone, or feelings you've never felt before, as you said.I like the fact that you are looking at your situation ""logically"". \'a0Feelings can take time to fade, but you seem to understand, even if it is subconsciously, that it's the feelings he stirred up in you that are keeping you tied to him, not necessarily the person himself. Realize that you can and will experience those feelings again with another person - the RIGHT person. Don't hold onto someone who is wrong for you just because of something like this. You're wanting those feelings and wanting a relationship - but with him necessarily? Or with anybody? You said you don't want to be without your love for him - not you don't want to be without him. In fact, you said you know you need to be without him. It seems like it's the LOVE that you can't let go of, and the feelings. Not the person. Trust me, you will find that again. Take some time to let this fade. Don't try to force him or anyone else into a role that is meant for someone else. Cherish the memories and the experiences you had. Sounds like it's been a valuable learning and growth experience for you, but you have your own reasons, and I don't know what they are, for thinking this person isn't good for you. Trust your gut instinct and be glad you've had this relationship. Not all are meant to last. But all shape you into the person you are and will become, and all teach us important lessons.", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "There is no wrong or right way to define a relationship. I believe each relationship we are in is an opportunity to expand and to know self on a deeper level. We are conditioned to believe that we are not valued, or worth much without the confirmation of others and the world around us.\'a0Give yourself time and try to not go to those who are toxic and enjoy the drama of others lives as s way to avoid looking at themselves.", | "Love is a deep and nuanced feeling so start to accept that a simple cutting of emotional connection isn't possible.Honor the love you felt for this person. \'a0Acknowledgement of your love feelings will most likely help you find a dignified way to accept them while at the same time slowly developing new ways to live your life in a way which does not include the actual person.Your feelings will always belong to you. \'a0The newly discovered sense of how love feels will be with you and positively influence all your relationships. \'a0There is a benefit to feeling loved even if it is not forever in this lifetime.Also, your partner opened your feelings, the feelings which showed in fact already were within you. \'a0He opened the door and this door belongs to you.I hope you will find ways to appreciate having been loved and to be open that your feelings of being loved are a positive influence in all your relationships.", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "There is no wrong or right way to define a relationship. I believe each relationship we are in is an opportunity to expand and to know self on a deeper level. We are conditioned to believe that we are not valued, or worth much without the confirmation of others and the world around us.\'a0Give yourself time and try to not go to those who are toxic and enjoy the drama of others lives as s way to avoid looking at themselves.", | "One of the most challenging areas for people to deal with is getting over the the person you have loved so much. It's a catch 22. You know mentally that it's not healthy to think about them. However, your feelings are still there. Moving on is tough. It takes time for feeling to go away. That's the thing, it's not the person you're trying to get over, it's the feeling and the idea of them that is that makes it difficult. You've learned a lot from the relationship and time will help.\'a0Activity will also help. Are you actively living your life? If not, go out and maybe it's time to date and find new love. Grow with new relationships and it will help create focus on someone who may even be better than the love you previously experienced. You can do it!Earl Lewiswww.RelationshipsGoneRight.Com", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "There is no wrong or right way to define a relationship. I believe each relationship we are in is an opportunity to expand and to know self on a deeper level. We are conditioned to believe that we are not valued, or worth much without the confirmation of others and the world around us.\'a0Give yourself time and try to not go to those who are toxic and enjoy the drama of others lives as s way to avoid looking at themselves.", | "It's difficult to move on and let go, especially when you've experienced things for the first time with someone, or feelings you've never felt before, as you said.I like the fact that you are looking at your situation ""logically"". \'a0Feelings can take time to fade, but you seem to understand, even if it is subconsciously, that it's the feelings he stirred up in you that are keeping you tied to him, not necessarily the person himself. Realize that you can and will experience those feelings again with another person - the RIGHT person. Don't hold onto someone who is wrong for you just because of something like this. You're wanting those feelings and wanting a relationship - but with him necessarily? Or with anybody? You said you don't want to be without your love for him - not you don't want to be without him. In fact, you said you know you need to be without him. It seems like it's the LOVE that you can't let go of, and the feelings. Not the person. Trust me, you will find that again. Take some time to let this fade. Don't try to force him or anyone else into a role that is meant for someone else. Cherish the memories and the experiences you had. Sounds like it's been a valuable learning and growth experience for you, but you have your own reasons, and I don't know what they are, for thinking this person isn't good for you. Trust your gut instinct and be glad you've had this relationship. Not all are meant to last. But all shape you into the person you are and will become, and all teach us important lessons.", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "One of the most challenging areas for people to deal with is getting over the the person you have loved so much. It's a catch 22. You know mentally that it's not healthy to think about them. However, your feelings are still there. Moving on is tough. It takes time for feeling to go away. That's the thing, it's not the person you're trying to get over, it's the feeling and the idea of them that is that makes it difficult. You've learned a lot from the relationship and time will help.\'a0Activity will also help. Are you actively living your life? If not, go out and maybe it's time to date and find new love. Grow with new relationships and it will help create focus on someone who may even be better than the love you previously experienced. You can do it!Earl Lewiswww.RelationshipsGoneRight.Com", | "Love is a deep and nuanced feeling so start to accept that a simple cutting of emotional connection isn't possible.Honor the love you felt for this person. \'a0Acknowledgement of your love feelings will most likely help you find a dignified way to accept them while at the same time slowly developing new ways to live your life in a way which does not include the actual person.Your feelings will always belong to you. \'a0The newly discovered sense of how love feels will be with you and positively influence all your relationships. \'a0There is a benefit to feeling loved even if it is not forever in this lifetime.Also, your partner opened your feelings, the feelings which showed in fact already were within you. \'a0He opened the door and this door belongs to you.I hope you will find ways to appreciate having been loved and to be open that your feelings of being loved are a positive influence in all your relationships.", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "Love is a deep and nuanced feeling so start to accept that a simple cutting of emotional connection isn't possible.Honor the love you felt for this person. \'a0Acknowledgement of your love feelings will most likely help you find a dignified way to accept them while at the same time slowly developing new ways to live your life in a way which does not include the actual person.Your feelings will always belong to you. \'a0The newly discovered sense of how love feels will be with you and positively influence all your relationships. \'a0There is a benefit to feeling loved even if it is not forever in this lifetime.Also, your partner opened your feelings, the feelings which showed in fact already were within you. \'a0He opened the door and this door belongs to you.I hope you will find ways to appreciate having been loved and to be open that your feelings of being loved are a positive influence in all your relationships.", | "It's difficult to move on and let go, especially when you've experienced things for the first time with someone, or feelings you've never felt before, as you said.I like the fact that you are looking at your situation ""logically"". \'a0Feelings can take time to fade, but you seem to understand, even if it is subconsciously, that it's the feelings he stirred up in you that are keeping you tied to him, not necessarily the person himself. Realize that you can and will experience those feelings again with another person - the RIGHT person. Don't hold onto someone who is wrong for you just because of something like this. You're wanting those feelings and wanting a relationship - but with him necessarily? Or with anybody? You said you don't want to be without your love for him - not you don't want to be without him. In fact, you said you know you need to be without him. It seems like it's the LOVE that you can't let go of, and the feelings. Not the person. Trust me, you will find that again. Take some time to let this fade. Don't try to force him or anyone else into a role that is meant for someone else. Cherish the memories and the experiences you had. Sounds like it's been a valuable learning and growth experience for you, but you have your own reasons, and I don't know what they are, for thinking this person isn't good for you. Trust your gut instinct and be glad you've had this relationship. Not all are meant to last. But all shape you into the person you are and will become, and all teach us important lessons.", |
How do I get over a person I fell in love with?"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him but logically I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.\
How can I get myself to just move on?" | "One of the most challenging areas for people to deal with is getting over the the person you have loved so much. It's a catch 22. You know mentally that it's not healthy to think about them. However, your feelings are still there. Moving on is tough. It takes time for feeling to go away. That's the thing, it's not the person you're trying to get over, it's the feeling and the idea of them that is that makes it difficult. You've learned a lot from the relationship and time will help.\'a0Activity will also help. Are you actively living your life? If not, go out and maybe it's time to date and find new love. Grow with new relationships and it will help create focus on someone who may even be better than the love you previously experienced. You can do it!Earl Lewiswww.RelationshipsGoneRight.Com", | "It's difficult to move on and let go, especially when you've experienced things for the first time with someone, or feelings you've never felt before, as you said.I like the fact that you are looking at your situation ""logically"". \'a0Feelings can take time to fade, but you seem to understand, even if it is subconsciously, that it's the feelings he stirred up in you that are keeping you tied to him, not necessarily the person himself. Realize that you can and will experience those feelings again with another person - the RIGHT person. Don't hold onto someone who is wrong for you just because of something like this. You're wanting those feelings and wanting a relationship - but with him necessarily? Or with anybody? You said you don't want to be without your love for him - not you don't want to be without him. In fact, you said you know you need to be without him. It seems like it's the LOVE that you can't let go of, and the feelings. Not the person. Trust me, you will find that again. Take some time to let this fade. Don't try to force him or anyone else into a role that is meant for someone else. Cherish the memories and the experiences you had. Sounds like it's been a valuable learning and growth experience for you, but you have your own reasons, and I don't know what they are, for thinking this person isn't good for you. Trust your gut instinct and be glad you've had this relationship. Not all are meant to last. But all shape you into the person you are and will become, and all teach us important lessons.", |
How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern?"I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.\
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.\
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?" | "It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern. You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self. This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy. I recommend a book titled \'93Boundaries: Where you end and I begin\'94 by Anne Katherine. Another book that might be helpful is \'93Codependent No More\'94 by Melody Beattie.\'a0In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship. Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own. Needing another person to define you is problematic. That\'92s too much to expect from any individual.For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own. That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs. It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time. There will be times that they won\'92t be able to meet your needs. You have to know how to meet those yourself.\'a0When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life. Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.", | "Good for you on your keen awareness of your difficulties and your willingness to change!The type of change you'd like to achieve is possible, and since a change in self-confidence and self-love is deep rooted, this comes about gradually and slowly.Keep understanding yourself during your moments of doubt and anxiety. \'a0Its fine to feel terrible and certainly better to know you feel insecure than to act upon the insecurity by being with men who take advantage of you.Everyone needs to feel loved and recognized.Until you attract a partner who will love and appreciate you, develop relationships with co-workers and classmates, neighbors, so that you have some quality of giving and being given by someone.It is a way to nurture yourself and another person until your strength and self-belief grow bigger.", |
How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern?"I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.\
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.\
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?" | "It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern. You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self. This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy. I recommend a book titled \'93Boundaries: Where you end and I begin\'94 by Anne Katherine. Another book that might be helpful is \'93Codependent No More\'94 by Melody Beattie.\'a0In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship. Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own. Needing another person to define you is problematic. That\'92s too much to expect from any individual.For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own. That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs. It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time. There will be times that they won\'92t be able to meet your needs. You have to know how to meet those yourself.\'a0When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life. Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.", | "Here are some things I'm wondering:Do you have close friends that you can talk to, trust, and who can be around sometimes when you're in between relationships?What do you like about yourself? What are your strongest points?Do you think you have been in relationships with controlling than in the past because it makes you feel as though you are worth something to them?What kind of relationship you want to be in?What are the top three or four attributes of the type of partner you want?What can you do to make yourself emotionally safe during your typical daily activities?Can you notice a list of things that you can control throughout a typical day? For example, you probably choose what to wear, what to eat, how to talk to others, how committed you are to school or work, etc.It also sounds as if it may be helpful to discover more about yourself in addition to what you look for in a partner.As far as emotional abuse, it may be useful to develop communication skills that you could use prior to their relationship progressing to the point that it is emotional abuse.Thank you for reaching out to ask questions. If the questions that I've asked here are difficult for you to answer or are overwhelming, talking with a local therapist would probably be something I would suggest.", |
How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern?"I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.\
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.\
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?" | "Good for you on your keen awareness of your difficulties and your willingness to change!The type of change you'd like to achieve is possible, and since a change in self-confidence and self-love is deep rooted, this comes about gradually and slowly.Keep understanding yourself during your moments of doubt and anxiety. \'a0Its fine to feel terrible and certainly better to know you feel insecure than to act upon the insecurity by being with men who take advantage of you.Everyone needs to feel loved and recognized.Until you attract a partner who will love and appreciate you, develop relationships with co-workers and classmates, neighbors, so that you have some quality of giving and being given by someone.It is a way to nurture yourself and another person until your strength and self-belief grow bigger.", | "Here are some things I'm wondering:Do you have close friends that you can talk to, trust, and who can be around sometimes when you're in between relationships?What do you like about yourself? What are your strongest points?Do you think you have been in relationships with controlling than in the past because it makes you feel as though you are worth something to them?What kind of relationship you want to be in?What are the top three or four attributes of the type of partner you want?What can you do to make yourself emotionally safe during your typical daily activities?Can you notice a list of things that you can control throughout a typical day? For example, you probably choose what to wear, what to eat, how to talk to others, how committed you are to school or work, etc.It also sounds as if it may be helpful to discover more about yourself in addition to what you look for in a partner.As far as emotional abuse, it may be useful to develop communication skills that you could use prior to their relationship progressing to the point that it is emotional abuse.Thank you for reaching out to ask questions. If the questions that I've asked here are difficult for you to answer or are overwhelming, talking with a local therapist would probably be something I would suggest.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life.\'a0When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be. \'a0Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to ""move on"".\'a0Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do. \'a0Find whatever is ""good"" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things. \'a0This can be an exciting time of transformation for you. \'a0 As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship. \'a0Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad. \'a0It's ok to be sad. \'a0It's even ok to feel devastated. \'a0Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong. \'a0It makes us feel insecure, unanchored. \'a0In truth, we are ok, safe even. \'a0This experience will open different perspectives for you. \'a0There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person. \'a0Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience. \'a0I'm sorry you're hurting right now. \'a0Best wishes to you,\'a0Allison", | "The termination of a relationship can be a challenge to heal from. Having obsessions after a breakup are very normal and many of my clients experience them. It can help to create a distraction box and when the obsessions present themselves use your distraction activities. In the beginning try to distract from the obsessions for 5 minutes and work to increase that time over time. Celebrate your successes when you are able to distract yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself!", | "The termination of a relationship can be a challenge to heal from. Having obsessions after a breakup are very normal and many of my clients experience them. It can help to create a distraction box and when the obsessions present themselves use your distraction activities. In the beginning try to distract from the obsessions for 5 minutes and work to increase that time over time. Celebrate your successes when you are able to distract yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying. \'a0When relationships end, however, it can be devastating. \'a0It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup. \'a0Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief. \'a0You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time. \'a0Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal. \'a0Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends. \'a0After some time you should start feeling better. \'a0If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.", | "The termination of a relationship can be a challenge to heal from. Having obsessions after a breakup are very normal and many of my clients experience them. It can help to create a distraction box and when the obsessions present themselves use your distraction activities. In the beginning try to distract from the obsessions for 5 minutes and work to increase that time over time. Celebrate your successes when you are able to distract yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Breaking up can be a very difficult thing. \'a0I'm sorry you're feeling badly. \'a0 \'a0The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc. \'a0 \'a0Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse. \'a0 If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it! \'a0 It's important to concentrate on you and not them. \'a0 \'a0Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life --- \'a0what is still good? \'a0 Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling\'a0badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? \'a0Do you feel hope? \'a0If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling. \'a0 If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life? \'a0 Maybe contact a therapist\'a0or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time?", | "The termination of a relationship can be a challenge to heal from. Having obsessions after a breakup are very normal and many of my clients experience them. It can help to create a distraction box and when the obsessions present themselves use your distraction activities. In the beginning try to distract from the obsessions for 5 minutes and work to increase that time over time. Celebrate your successes when you are able to distract yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "The termination of a relationship can be a challenge to heal from. Having obsessions after a breakup are very normal and many of my clients experience them. It can help to create a distraction box and when the obsessions present themselves use your distraction activities. In the beginning try to distract from the obsessions for 5 minutes and work to increase that time over time. Celebrate your successes when you are able to distract yourself.", | "Hi,\'a0Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery:\'a01. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them.\'a02. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional\'a0pain. Take care of yourself, keep\'a0yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster.\'a03. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying ""Out of Sight, Out of Mind.""\'a04. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new.\'a05. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset\'a0and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders.\'a06. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "The termination of a relationship can be a challenge to heal from. Having obsessions after a breakup are very normal and many of my clients experience them. It can help to create a distraction box and when the obsessions present themselves use your distraction activities. In the beginning try to distract from the obsessions for 5 minutes and work to increase that time over time. Celebrate your successes when you are able to distract yourself.", | "The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal. \'a0That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact. \'a0In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings. \'a0Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different. \'a0The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns. \'a0Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "The termination of a relationship can be a challenge to heal from. Having obsessions after a breakup are very normal and many of my clients experience them. It can help to create a distraction box and when the obsessions present themselves use your distraction activities. In the beginning try to distract from the obsessions for 5 minutes and work to increase that time over time. Celebrate your successes when you are able to distract yourself.", | "Let yourself know what you feel. \'a0\'a0There is no timetable or known length of how much time a particular person requires in order to feel that the dissolved relationship is behind them.Probably the more you allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness from seeing the reminders, the sooner you will feel fresh and new again.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself!", | "Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life.\'a0When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be. \'a0Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to ""move on"".\'a0Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do. \'a0Find whatever is ""good"" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things. \'a0This can be an exciting time of transformation for you. \'a0 As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship. \'a0Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad. \'a0It's ok to be sad. \'a0It's even ok to feel devastated. \'a0Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong. \'a0It makes us feel insecure, unanchored. \'a0In truth, we are ok, safe even. \'a0This experience will open different perspectives for you. \'a0There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person. \'a0Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience. \'a0I'm sorry you're hurting right now. \'a0Best wishes to you,\'a0Allison", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying. \'a0When relationships end, however, it can be devastating. \'a0It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup. \'a0Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief. \'a0You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time. \'a0Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal. \'a0Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends. \'a0After some time you should start feeling better. \'a0If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.", | "Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life.\'a0When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be. \'a0Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to ""move on"".\'a0Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do. \'a0Find whatever is ""good"" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things. \'a0This can be an exciting time of transformation for you. \'a0 As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship. \'a0Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad. \'a0It's ok to be sad. \'a0It's even ok to feel devastated. \'a0Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong. \'a0It makes us feel insecure, unanchored. \'a0In truth, we are ok, safe even. \'a0This experience will open different perspectives for you. \'a0There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person. \'a0Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience. \'a0I'm sorry you're hurting right now. \'a0Best wishes to you,\'a0Allison", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Breaking up can be a very difficult thing. \'a0I'm sorry you're feeling badly. \'a0 \'a0The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc. \'a0 \'a0Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse. \'a0 If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it! \'a0 It's important to concentrate on you and not them. \'a0 \'a0Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life --- \'a0what is still good? \'a0 Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling\'a0badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? \'a0Do you feel hope? \'a0If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling. \'a0 If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life? \'a0 Maybe contact a therapist\'a0or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time?", | "Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life.\'a0When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be. \'a0Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to ""move on"".\'a0Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do. \'a0Find whatever is ""good"" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things. \'a0This can be an exciting time of transformation for you. \'a0 As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship. \'a0Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad. \'a0It's ok to be sad. \'a0It's even ok to feel devastated. \'a0Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong. \'a0It makes us feel insecure, unanchored. \'a0In truth, we are ok, safe even. \'a0This experience will open different perspectives for you. \'a0There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person. \'a0Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience. \'a0I'm sorry you're hurting right now. \'a0Best wishes to you,\'a0Allison", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life.\'a0When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be. \'a0Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to ""move on"".\'a0Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do. \'a0Find whatever is ""good"" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things. \'a0This can be an exciting time of transformation for you. \'a0 As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship. \'a0Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad. \'a0It's ok to be sad. \'a0It's even ok to feel devastated. \'a0Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong. \'a0It makes us feel insecure, unanchored. \'a0In truth, we are ok, safe even. \'a0This experience will open different perspectives for you. \'a0There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person. \'a0Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience. \'a0I'm sorry you're hurting right now. \'a0Best wishes to you,\'a0Allison", | "Hi,\'a0Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery:\'a01. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them.\'a02. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional\'a0pain. Take care of yourself, keep\'a0yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster.\'a03. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying ""Out of Sight, Out of Mind.""\'a04. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new.\'a05. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset\'a0and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders.\'a06. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life.\'a0When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be. \'a0Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to ""move on"".\'a0Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do. \'a0Find whatever is ""good"" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things. \'a0This can be an exciting time of transformation for you. \'a0 As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship. \'a0Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad. \'a0It's ok to be sad. \'a0It's even ok to feel devastated. \'a0Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong. \'a0It makes us feel insecure, unanchored. \'a0In truth, we are ok, safe even. \'a0This experience will open different perspectives for you. \'a0There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person. \'a0Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience. \'a0I'm sorry you're hurting right now. \'a0Best wishes to you,\'a0Allison", | "The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal. \'a0That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact. \'a0In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings. \'a0Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different. \'a0The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns. \'a0Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life.\'a0When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be. \'a0Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to ""move on"".\'a0Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do. \'a0Find whatever is ""good"" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things. \'a0This can be an exciting time of transformation for you. \'a0 As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship. \'a0Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad. \'a0It's ok to be sad. \'a0It's even ok to feel devastated. \'a0Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong. \'a0It makes us feel insecure, unanchored. \'a0In truth, we are ok, safe even. \'a0This experience will open different perspectives for you. \'a0There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person. \'a0Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience. \'a0I'm sorry you're hurting right now. \'a0Best wishes to you,\'a0Allison", | "Let yourself know what you feel. \'a0\'a0There is no timetable or known length of how much time a particular person requires in order to feel that the dissolved relationship is behind them.Probably the more you allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness from seeing the reminders, the sooner you will feel fresh and new again.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying. \'a0When relationships end, however, it can be devastating. \'a0It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup. \'a0Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief. \'a0You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time. \'a0Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal. \'a0Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends. \'a0After some time you should start feeling better. \'a0If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.", | "Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself!", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Breaking up can be a very difficult thing. \'a0I'm sorry you're feeling badly. \'a0 \'a0The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc. \'a0 \'a0Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse. \'a0 If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it! \'a0 It's important to concentrate on you and not them. \'a0 \'a0Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life --- \'a0what is still good? \'a0 Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling\'a0badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? \'a0Do you feel hope? \'a0If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling. \'a0 If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life? \'a0 Maybe contact a therapist\'a0or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time?", | "Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself!", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself!", | "Hi,\'a0Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery:\'a01. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them.\'a02. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional\'a0pain. Take care of yourself, keep\'a0yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster.\'a03. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying ""Out of Sight, Out of Mind.""\'a04. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new.\'a05. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset\'a0and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders.\'a06. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself!", | "The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal. \'a0That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact. \'a0In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings. \'a0Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different. \'a0The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns. \'a0Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself!", | "Let yourself know what you feel. \'a0\'a0There is no timetable or known length of how much time a particular person requires in order to feel that the dissolved relationship is behind them.Probably the more you allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness from seeing the reminders, the sooner you will feel fresh and new again.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying. \'a0When relationships end, however, it can be devastating. \'a0It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup. \'a0Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief. \'a0You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time. \'a0Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal. \'a0Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends. \'a0After some time you should start feeling better. \'a0If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.", | "Breaking up can be a very difficult thing. \'a0I'm sorry you're feeling badly. \'a0 \'a0The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc. \'a0 \'a0Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse. \'a0 If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it! \'a0 It's important to concentrate on you and not them. \'a0 \'a0Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life --- \'a0what is still good? \'a0 Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling\'a0badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? \'a0Do you feel hope? \'a0If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling. \'a0 If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life? \'a0 Maybe contact a therapist\'a0or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time?", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying. \'a0When relationships end, however, it can be devastating. \'a0It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup. \'a0Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief. \'a0You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time. \'a0Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal. \'a0Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends. \'a0After some time you should start feeling better. \'a0If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.", | "Hi,\'a0Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery:\'a01. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them.\'a02. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional\'a0pain. Take care of yourself, keep\'a0yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster.\'a03. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying ""Out of Sight, Out of Mind.""\'a04. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new.\'a05. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset\'a0and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders.\'a06. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying. \'a0When relationships end, however, it can be devastating. \'a0It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup. \'a0Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief. \'a0You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time. \'a0Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal. \'a0Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends. \'a0After some time you should start feeling better. \'a0If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.", | "The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal. \'a0That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact. \'a0In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings. \'a0Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different. \'a0The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns. \'a0Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying. \'a0When relationships end, however, it can be devastating. \'a0It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup. \'a0Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief. \'a0You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time. \'a0Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal. \'a0Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends. \'a0After some time you should start feeling better. \'a0If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.", | "Let yourself know what you feel. \'a0\'a0There is no timetable or known length of how much time a particular person requires in order to feel that the dissolved relationship is behind them.Probably the more you allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness from seeing the reminders, the sooner you will feel fresh and new again.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Breaking up can be a very difficult thing. \'a0I'm sorry you're feeling badly. \'a0 \'a0The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc. \'a0 \'a0Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse. \'a0 If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it! \'a0 It's important to concentrate on you and not them. \'a0 \'a0Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life --- \'a0what is still good? \'a0 Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling\'a0badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? \'a0Do you feel hope? \'a0If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling. \'a0 If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life? \'a0 Maybe contact a therapist\'a0or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time?", | "Hi,\'a0Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery:\'a01. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them.\'a02. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional\'a0pain. Take care of yourself, keep\'a0yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster.\'a03. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying ""Out of Sight, Out of Mind.""\'a04. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new.\'a05. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset\'a0and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders.\'a06. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Breaking up can be a very difficult thing. \'a0I'm sorry you're feeling badly. \'a0 \'a0The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc. \'a0 \'a0Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse. \'a0 If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it! \'a0 It's important to concentrate on you and not them. \'a0 \'a0Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life --- \'a0what is still good? \'a0 Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling\'a0badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? \'a0Do you feel hope? \'a0If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling. \'a0 If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life? \'a0 Maybe contact a therapist\'a0or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time?", | "The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal. \'a0That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact. \'a0In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings. \'a0Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different. \'a0The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns. \'a0Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Breaking up can be a very difficult thing. \'a0I'm sorry you're feeling badly. \'a0 \'a0The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc. \'a0 \'a0Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse. \'a0 If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it! \'a0 It's important to concentrate on you and not them. \'a0 \'a0Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life --- \'a0what is still good? \'a0 Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling\'a0badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? \'a0Do you feel hope? \'a0If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling. \'a0 If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life? \'a0 Maybe contact a therapist\'a0or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time?", | "Let yourself know what you feel. \'a0\'a0There is no timetable or known length of how much time a particular person requires in order to feel that the dissolved relationship is behind them.Probably the more you allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness from seeing the reminders, the sooner you will feel fresh and new again.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Hi,\'a0Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery:\'a01. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them.\'a02. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional\'a0pain. Take care of yourself, keep\'a0yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster.\'a03. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying ""Out of Sight, Out of Mind.""\'a04. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new.\'a05. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset\'a0and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders.\'a06. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist.", | "The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal. \'a0That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact. \'a0In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings. \'a0Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different. \'a0The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns. \'a0Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "Hi,\'a0Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery:\'a01. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them.\'a02. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional\'a0pain. Take care of yourself, keep\'a0yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster.\'a03. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying ""Out of Sight, Out of Mind.""\'a04. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new.\'a05. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset\'a0and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders.\'a06. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist.", | "Let yourself know what you feel. \'a0\'a0There is no timetable or known length of how much time a particular person requires in order to feel that the dissolved relationship is behind them.Probably the more you allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness from seeing the reminders, the sooner you will feel fresh and new again.", |
How do I move on?I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | "The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal. \'a0That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact. \'a0In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings. \'a0Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different. \'a0The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns. \'a0Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.", | "Let yourself know what you feel. \'a0\'a0There is no timetable or known length of how much time a particular person requires in order to feel that the dissolved relationship is behind them.Probably the more you allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness from seeing the reminders, the sooner you will feel fresh and new again.", |
How can I deal with a break up?My fianc\'e and I broke up. He cheated on me numerous times. I kept forgiving but questioning his every move. He got tired and left. | "if he as cheated on you multiple times it is not healthy for you to continue seeing him. \'a0However\'a0It takes time to heal your pain. You are not a robot that can just switch off your emotions.\'a0 Please surround yourself with people who can support and empower you.", | "There is a grieving process after losing a relationship (or any other major loss, such as a job, a house, etc.). One of the things to consider is give yourself a chance to go through the tasks of mourning:To accept the reality of the lossTo process the pain of griefTo adjust to a world without the person who has just leftTo find an enduring connection with that person in the midst of embarking on a new life. This could mean a lot of things, but it could be holding certain memories as your own.You may also find things that make you feel happy or comfortable. It's also helpful to have people who you can talk to about your feelings and people who may be able to recognize things about you that you cannot see right now (such as how you are honest, committed to your work, a good listener, etc.).This takes some time. Try to be gentle with yourself.", |
A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate contentI believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that. | "From what you write, it sounds like you're reaching quite far into your child's father's way to handle his friendships.There's a difference between an agreement between you and the child's father to not view porn, and with you monitoring and setting standards for your child's father's way to handle his social life.Try to accept the limits of your request extends to you and the child's father, not the way the child's father wants to handle his relationships with other people.Also, pushing too hard or setting your expectations of the child's father too wide for him to tolerate may end up backfiring on you.Who knows, maybe he'll decide ""enough is enough"" and withdraw from the otherwise reasonable agreement to not watch porn.", | "In my book, this is a boundary issue. Although you do not like inappropriate content, it is not up to you what your child's father looks at or what his friend sends him. \'a0It is really hard not to monitor other people's lives, but in the end, your rights begin and end with you.", |
A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate contentI believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that. | "From what you write, it sounds like you're reaching quite far into your child's father's way to handle his friendships.There's a difference between an agreement between you and the child's father to not view porn, and with you monitoring and setting standards for your child's father's way to handle his social life.Try to accept the limits of your request extends to you and the child's father, not the way the child's father wants to handle his relationships with other people.Also, pushing too hard or setting your expectations of the child's father too wide for him to tolerate may end up backfiring on you.Who knows, maybe he'll decide ""enough is enough"" and withdraw from the otherwise reasonable agreement to not watch porn.", | "It sounds like you are wanting to protect your child from degrading images and that is one of the important parts of the job of a parent. Although it is challenging to supply an answer without knowing the full situation, it might be helpful to have a more broad discussion about what you both think about the influences and images that your child is exposed to and what you think your role is in protecting your child. This situation is one about beliefs and values and could well be an example you can use for exploring your parenting roles in protecting your child.", |
A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate contentI believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that. | "In my book, this is a boundary issue. Although you do not like inappropriate content, it is not up to you what your child's father looks at or what his friend sends him. \'a0It is really hard not to monitor other people's lives, but in the end, your rights begin and end with you.", | "It sounds like you are wanting to protect your child from degrading images and that is one of the important parts of the job of a parent. Although it is challenging to supply an answer without knowing the full situation, it might be helpful to have a more broad discussion about what you both think about the influences and images that your child is exposed to and what you think your role is in protecting your child. This situation is one about beliefs and values and could well be an example you can use for exploring your parenting roles in protecting your child.", |
How can I cope with work related stress better?"I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety but also demoralizing.\
What can I do to manage my stress?" | "Being in this position is tough. If seeking another career opportunity isn't viable, there are a couple of things you can do to manage stress on the job.\'a0\'a01. Have a ritual to begin the day: \'a0Consider setting a one sentence intention and plan tasks for the day2. Take the breaks you are offered. I know it can be difficult to step away from your desk to eat lunch or take 10-minute\'a0breaks during the day, but prioritize this if you can. Sometimes 30 minutes of downtime and fresh air can help you feel better.\'a03. \'a0Have a ritual to end the day: \'a0If you commute by car consider an end of the day playlist. \'a0Take a walk. Light a candle. \'a0Clear your desk and write tasks for the next day. Whatever it is, send a signal to your brain that it is time to end the day.4. If you do work from home or are expected to be available\'a0after hours, set boundaries where you can. \'a0Set a timer for answering emails and stick to that. \'a0Have phone free meals. \'a0 \'a0Try to engage in activities that are rejuvenating like spending time the friends and family. \'a05. Try to limit alcohol/ drugs. \'a0Move as much as you can. \'a0Get outside in natural sunlight. \'a0These are just ideas/ suggestions. \'a0Even doing one of these things could be a step in the right direction. \'a0Best of luck!", | "Hello. Workplace stress is one of those areas of living that troubles many people who need an income to survive. The interactions between you and coworkers is a mixed bag, and sorting that out can be difficult. Also, if you are feeling under appreciated and not well paid, this can add bitterness to your lot of emotions. A few questions can be kept in mind as you work through your situation. Do you have the option of talking to your employer about your experiences and feelings with regard to your current work? Do you have local resources that you can use to find different jobs in your field? Do you have connections with employment counselors or agencies that can support you with strategies in dealing with workplace stress? These questions might cause others to bubble up, and could begin a new journey into a new field.While still at your job, what can you do to take care of yourself? Are you taking breaks? Do you eat lunch at the office, or do you go somewhere away from the office to eat? What do you do when you have a few moments to breathe? Understanding that you can indeed find even the smallest strategies useful for self-care, can help bolster your energy and give you some support as you move through the day. Seeking the support of family and friends can be helpful as well. Knowing your personal limits and when to pull back and take a break will give you a chance to recharge your mental and physical energy, thus helping you face the demands of your job.", |
How can I cope with work related stress better?"I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety but also demoralizing.\
What can I do to manage my stress?" | "Being in this position is tough. If seeking another career opportunity isn't viable, there are a couple of things you can do to manage stress on the job.\'a0\'a01. Have a ritual to begin the day: \'a0Consider setting a one sentence intention and plan tasks for the day2. Take the breaks you are offered. I know it can be difficult to step away from your desk to eat lunch or take 10-minute\'a0breaks during the day, but prioritize this if you can. Sometimes 30 minutes of downtime and fresh air can help you feel better.\'a03. \'a0Have a ritual to end the day: \'a0If you commute by car consider an end of the day playlist. \'a0Take a walk. Light a candle. \'a0Clear your desk and write tasks for the next day. Whatever it is, send a signal to your brain that it is time to end the day.4. If you do work from home or are expected to be available\'a0after hours, set boundaries where you can. \'a0Set a timer for answering emails and stick to that. \'a0Have phone free meals. \'a0 \'a0Try to engage in activities that are rejuvenating like spending time the friends and family. \'a05. Try to limit alcohol/ drugs. \'a0Move as much as you can. \'a0Get outside in natural sunlight. \'a0These are just ideas/ suggestions. \'a0Even doing one of these things could be a step in the right direction. \'a0Best of luck!", | "Ugh!\'a0 We spend so many hours at work, so if it's a tough environment it can really drag you down.\'a0\'a0Is this your ""dream job"" gone sour or a ""just pay the bills"" deal that has gotten stale?\'a0 It makes a big difference in terms of next steps.For example, if this job is a step on the way to a bigger goal, it might be time to assess whether you need to be moving along to then next phase.\'a0 Have you learned what you needed to learn to make this a helpful experience?\'a0 Or do you sense there is more to learn, but you feel stuck in some way?\'a0If this current job is part of a bigger plan, then you need to practice some good self care, set up ways to remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing, and make sure you are including some ""carrots"" along the way.\'a0 That might mean spending some time each week networking (preferably live but online works well too) with peers in similar situations (entrepreneur groups, skill building trainings, etc).\'a0 Big dreams require small steps, but we all need support along the way.If , however, this is ""just a job"", then you really have to reassess your situation.\'a0 If you are burned out and not getting paid your worth then\'a0 look around for other opportunities.\'a0 You are employed, not owned.\'a0\'a0You mentioned anxiety, and while I don't want to minimize the very real issues anxiety presents, is it possible that some of your anxiety can be seen as ""revving your engine""\'a0 and readying you to move on?\'a0 Or is it that pervasive feeling\'a0 of never being able to finish your work, feeling like you will be ""in trouble"", or dreading every single moment of your workday?\'a0 The first is a potentially positive motivator, the second is just bad for you.\'a0 \'a0See the difference?In order to feel any satisfaction with your job, it needs to be financially rewarding (to a level that makes sense), be a good atmosphere to learn, be supportive and/or be a step on the way to a bigger plan you have.\'a0 If your job isn't fulfilling any of those criteria, you need to move on.\'a0\'a0And finally, if the only reason you have this job is to pay the bills, and you truly see no way around keeping your current position for now, remember why you are there - this is a job, not a family.\'a0 You rent your brain and body to your employer, not your heart and soul.\'a0 Those belong to you and you are responsible for feeding them.\'a0 That means good self-care, making sure you have social engagement (face-to-face, not just online), move your body, feel the sun on your face daily, creating ways to refresh your body and mind and generally taking care of your whole being.Discomfort exists for a reason - it primes us for change, gives us the necessary motivation to take reasonable risks, and pesters us until we do so.\'a0 The first step is to figure out what change is realistic, and take action.", |
How can I cope with work related stress better?"I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety but also demoralizing.\
What can I do to manage my stress?" | "Being in this position is tough. If seeking another career opportunity isn't viable, there are a couple of things you can do to manage stress on the job.\'a0\'a01. Have a ritual to begin the day: \'a0Consider setting a one sentence intention and plan tasks for the day2. Take the breaks you are offered. I know it can be difficult to step away from your desk to eat lunch or take 10-minute\'a0breaks during the day, but prioritize this if you can. Sometimes 30 minutes of downtime and fresh air can help you feel better.\'a03. \'a0Have a ritual to end the day: \'a0If you commute by car consider an end of the day playlist. \'a0Take a walk. Light a candle. \'a0Clear your desk and write tasks for the next day. Whatever it is, send a signal to your brain that it is time to end the day.4. If you do work from home or are expected to be available\'a0after hours, set boundaries where you can. \'a0Set a timer for answering emails and stick to that. \'a0Have phone free meals. \'a0 \'a0Try to engage in activities that are rejuvenating like spending time the friends and family. \'a05. Try to limit alcohol/ drugs. \'a0Move as much as you can. \'a0Get outside in natural sunlight. \'a0These are just ideas/ suggestions. \'a0Even doing one of these things could be a step in the right direction. \'a0Best of luck!", | "It sounds like you are experiencing burnout and have very little, if no job satisfaction. \'a0There are some aspects of this that are in your control and others that are not. \'a0What type of work do you typically enjoy? \'a0Do you enjoy high stress work? What keeps you in this job? Is there a reason you have stayed? \'a0Is your boss reasonable to have a conversation with? \'a0I recommend a few things. \'a0For one, you may want to have a discussion with your boss about your job duties and see if there is a way to either eliminate some responsibilities or get higher pay. \'a0Another option, if you are unable to have an open conversation, you can start to look at an ideal work situation, what would you like/ be OK with/ absolutely hate about a job. Then possibly try to look for a new job that fits these qualifications.\'a0If you are unable to leave your job, you may want to attempt to balance your work life with more activities that create joy outside of work. \'a0Sometimes that balance can help you tolerate work more. \'a0I recommend that you find a supportive person to talk with and process these frustrations as burnout can lead us to do things we may regret.", |
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