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Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "I don't need to tell you that this is an incredible amount of serious stuff to happen in a short period. When we go through a trauma, it is natural for us to shut down as a way to protect ourselves. A kind of freeze response. Think of a possum or a gazelle. These animals go so far as to physically freeze in protection. Our emotions do the same thing sometimes. We feel shut down and that can be strange---a kind of disconnection. This does not mean that you are sociopath or that your feelings will never come back.\'a0 The amazing thing though is that as time moves forward we naturally heal and emotions come back. If you feel stuck, seeking counseling is a way to help accelerate this healing and help you work through and begin healing. Wishing you the absolute best!", | "You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. \'a0My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it \'a0.Good luck! You can do this!", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "I don't need to tell you that this is an incredible amount of serious stuff to happen in a short period. When we go through a trauma, it is natural for us to shut down as a way to protect ourselves. A kind of freeze response. Think of a possum or a gazelle. These animals go so far as to physically freeze in protection. Our emotions do the same thing sometimes. We feel shut down and that can be strange---a kind of disconnection. This does not mean that you are sociopath or that your feelings will never come back.\'a0 The amazing thing though is that as time moves forward we naturally heal and emotions come back. If you feel stuck, seeking counseling is a way to help accelerate this healing and help you work through and begin healing. Wishing you the absolute best!", | "I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own.", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "I am so sorry this has happened to you! I hope you have some people you find emotionally supportive around you! In terms of your question, I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes when a person experiences a traumatic event, an event called Dissociation occurs. Dissociation is the brain's way of temporary creating and increasing \'a0""emotional distance"" between what is happening and what you are feeling and experiencing. This is a kind of natural coping mechanism, and it can occur just prior to, during, and after an event has occurred. People describe the feeling as being ""numb,"" or detached from others, their surroundings, and even from their own body. All of these descriptions are accurate and they are your brain's attempt to try and keep you safe from emotions that may otherwise overwhelm you. This is good, in the short-term, because you are not having to immediately face and cope with the immensely painful feelings associated with your trauma. But it is also not-so-good in that it also blocks your ability to feel positive and pleasurable emotions. So while your brain is protecting you, it is also preventing feelings you need now more than ever (such as regaining a sense of safety, soothing your hurts, and feeling empowered for your survival).You are not a sociopath, so do not worry about that, but I would strongly recommend that you consider seeing a therapist or other supportive mental health professional to help you work through what is happened. There are ways for you to heal from your experience which will help you get back to a place where you can feel safe enough to ""feel"" again. \'a0It might be an uncomfortable journey, at times, but you are already hurting and your life is being negatively impacted, now. Good therapy sometimes is like pulling out a splinter--it may hurt a bit to dig that sucker out, but once it's out, your body can finally start to heal. \'a0It might seem better (and less painful) to leave it alone, and ignore (avoid) it. But you risk INFECTION by your inaction which will be 100 x worse than just digging it out.\'a0Best of luck to you!Learn more about me and my practice at www.EMDRheals.com", | |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. \'a0Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. \'a0When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. \'a0This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. \'a0This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. \'a0Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. \'a0A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. \'a0We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. \'a0In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. \'a0The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. \'a0The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. \'a0Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. \'a0If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. \'a0I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life.", | |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully.", | |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "Sociopaths don't know they are sociopaths.Clearly, you realize you have pretty deep emotions and have lived through several severely distressing situations.Your sense of self may be protecting for a while until you recover the practical aspects of daily life and feel some sense of predictability and stability in your life.Knowing and feeling disturbing emotions which rupture basic trust that other people are safe, is itself a raw process.Yes, it is possible to become numb emotionally. \'a0 The good purpose is to protect you from additional hurt.When your inner world feels itself ready, more of your emotions from the recent distressing events will be accessible.If many months pass and you see no progress, then definitely consider a few sessions with a therapist who would be able to guide you to become more open to your feelings.", | |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. \'a0My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it \'a0.Good luck! You can do this!", | |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own.", | |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "I am so sorry this has happened to you! I hope you have some people you find emotionally supportive around you! In terms of your question, I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes when a person experiences a traumatic event, an event called Dissociation occurs. Dissociation is the brain's way of temporary creating and increasing \'a0""emotional distance"" between what is happening and what you are feeling and experiencing. This is a kind of natural coping mechanism, and it can occur just prior to, during, and after an event has occurred. People describe the feeling as being ""numb,"" or detached from others, their surroundings, and even from their own body. All of these descriptions are accurate and they are your brain's attempt to try and keep you safe from emotions that may otherwise overwhelm you. This is good, in the short-term, because you are not having to immediately face and cope with the immensely painful feelings associated with your trauma. But it is also not-so-good in that it also blocks your ability to feel positive and pleasurable emotions. So while your brain is protecting you, it is also preventing feelings you need now more than ever (such as regaining a sense of safety, soothing your hurts, and feeling empowered for your survival).You are not a sociopath, so do not worry about that, but I would strongly recommend that you consider seeing a therapist or other supportive mental health professional to help you work through what is happened. There are ways for you to heal from your experience which will help you get back to a place where you can feel safe enough to ""feel"" again. \'a0It might be an uncomfortable journey, at times, but you are already hurting and your life is being negatively impacted, now. Good therapy sometimes is like pulling out a splinter--it may hurt a bit to dig that sucker out, but once it's out, your body can finally start to heal. \'a0It might seem better (and less painful) to leave it alone, and ignore (avoid) it. But you risk INFECTION by your inaction which will be 100 x worse than just digging it out.\'a0Best of luck to you!Learn more about me and my practice at www.EMDRheals.com", | "You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. \'a0Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. \'a0When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. \'a0This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. \'a0This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. \'a0Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. \'a0A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. \'a0We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. \'a0In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. \'a0The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. \'a0The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. \'a0Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. \'a0If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. \'a0I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life.", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully.", | "I am so sorry this has happened to you! I hope you have some people you find emotionally supportive around you! In terms of your question, I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes when a person experiences a traumatic event, an event called Dissociation occurs. Dissociation is the brain's way of temporary creating and increasing \'a0""emotional distance"" between what is happening and what you are feeling and experiencing. This is a kind of natural coping mechanism, and it can occur just prior to, during, and after an event has occurred. People describe the feeling as being ""numb,"" or detached from others, their surroundings, and even from their own body. All of these descriptions are accurate and they are your brain's attempt to try and keep you safe from emotions that may otherwise overwhelm you. This is good, in the short-term, because you are not having to immediately face and cope with the immensely painful feelings associated with your trauma. But it is also not-so-good in that it also blocks your ability to feel positive and pleasurable emotions. So while your brain is protecting you, it is also preventing feelings you need now more than ever (such as regaining a sense of safety, soothing your hurts, and feeling empowered for your survival).You are not a sociopath, so do not worry about that, but I would strongly recommend that you consider seeing a therapist or other supportive mental health professional to help you work through what is happened. There are ways for you to heal from your experience which will help you get back to a place where you can feel safe enough to ""feel"" again. \'a0It might be an uncomfortable journey, at times, but you are already hurting and your life is being negatively impacted, now. Good therapy sometimes is like pulling out a splinter--it may hurt a bit to dig that sucker out, but once it's out, your body can finally start to heal. \'a0It might seem better (and less painful) to leave it alone, and ignore (avoid) it. But you risk INFECTION by your inaction which will be 100 x worse than just digging it out.\'a0Best of luck to you!Learn more about me and my practice at www.EMDRheals.com", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "Sociopaths don't know they are sociopaths.Clearly, you realize you have pretty deep emotions and have lived through several severely distressing situations.Your sense of self may be protecting for a while until you recover the practical aspects of daily life and feel some sense of predictability and stability in your life.Knowing and feeling disturbing emotions which rupture basic trust that other people are safe, is itself a raw process.Yes, it is possible to become numb emotionally. \'a0 The good purpose is to protect you from additional hurt.When your inner world feels itself ready, more of your emotions from the recent distressing events will be accessible.If many months pass and you see no progress, then definitely consider a few sessions with a therapist who would be able to guide you to become more open to your feelings.", | "I am so sorry this has happened to you! I hope you have some people you find emotionally supportive around you! In terms of your question, I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes when a person experiences a traumatic event, an event called Dissociation occurs. Dissociation is the brain's way of temporary creating and increasing \'a0""emotional distance"" between what is happening and what you are feeling and experiencing. This is a kind of natural coping mechanism, and it can occur just prior to, during, and after an event has occurred. People describe the feeling as being ""numb,"" or detached from others, their surroundings, and even from their own body. All of these descriptions are accurate and they are your brain's attempt to try and keep you safe from emotions that may otherwise overwhelm you. This is good, in the short-term, because you are not having to immediately face and cope with the immensely painful feelings associated with your trauma. But it is also not-so-good in that it also blocks your ability to feel positive and pleasurable emotions. So while your brain is protecting you, it is also preventing feelings you need now more than ever (such as regaining a sense of safety, soothing your hurts, and feeling empowered for your survival).You are not a sociopath, so do not worry about that, but I would strongly recommend that you consider seeing a therapist or other supportive mental health professional to help you work through what is happened. There are ways for you to heal from your experience which will help you get back to a place where you can feel safe enough to ""feel"" again. \'a0It might be an uncomfortable journey, at times, but you are already hurting and your life is being negatively impacted, now. Good therapy sometimes is like pulling out a splinter--it may hurt a bit to dig that sucker out, but once it's out, your body can finally start to heal. \'a0It might seem better (and less painful) to leave it alone, and ignore (avoid) it. But you risk INFECTION by your inaction which will be 100 x worse than just digging it out.\'a0Best of luck to you!Learn more about me and my practice at www.EMDRheals.com", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "I am so sorry this has happened to you! I hope you have some people you find emotionally supportive around you! In terms of your question, I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes when a person experiences a traumatic event, an event called Dissociation occurs. Dissociation is the brain's way of temporary creating and increasing \'a0""emotional distance"" between what is happening and what you are feeling and experiencing. This is a kind of natural coping mechanism, and it can occur just prior to, during, and after an event has occurred. People describe the feeling as being ""numb,"" or detached from others, their surroundings, and even from their own body. All of these descriptions are accurate and they are your brain's attempt to try and keep you safe from emotions that may otherwise overwhelm you. This is good, in the short-term, because you are not having to immediately face and cope with the immensely painful feelings associated with your trauma. But it is also not-so-good in that it also blocks your ability to feel positive and pleasurable emotions. So while your brain is protecting you, it is also preventing feelings you need now more than ever (such as regaining a sense of safety, soothing your hurts, and feeling empowered for your survival).You are not a sociopath, so do not worry about that, but I would strongly recommend that you consider seeing a therapist or other supportive mental health professional to help you work through what is happened. There are ways for you to heal from your experience which will help you get back to a place where you can feel safe enough to ""feel"" again. \'a0It might be an uncomfortable journey, at times, but you are already hurting and your life is being negatively impacted, now. Good therapy sometimes is like pulling out a splinter--it may hurt a bit to dig that sucker out, but once it's out, your body can finally start to heal. \'a0It might seem better (and less painful) to leave it alone, and ignore (avoid) it. But you risk INFECTION by your inaction which will be 100 x worse than just digging it out.\'a0Best of luck to you!Learn more about me and my practice at www.EMDRheals.com", | "You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. \'a0My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it \'a0.Good luck! You can do this!", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "I am so sorry this has happened to you! I hope you have some people you find emotionally supportive around you! In terms of your question, I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes when a person experiences a traumatic event, an event called Dissociation occurs. Dissociation is the brain's way of temporary creating and increasing \'a0""emotional distance"" between what is happening and what you are feeling and experiencing. This is a kind of natural coping mechanism, and it can occur just prior to, during, and after an event has occurred. People describe the feeling as being ""numb,"" or detached from others, their surroundings, and even from their own body. All of these descriptions are accurate and they are your brain's attempt to try and keep you safe from emotions that may otherwise overwhelm you. This is good, in the short-term, because you are not having to immediately face and cope with the immensely painful feelings associated with your trauma. But it is also not-so-good in that it also blocks your ability to feel positive and pleasurable emotions. So while your brain is protecting you, it is also preventing feelings you need now more than ever (such as regaining a sense of safety, soothing your hurts, and feeling empowered for your survival).You are not a sociopath, so do not worry about that, but I would strongly recommend that you consider seeing a therapist or other supportive mental health professional to help you work through what is happened. There are ways for you to heal from your experience which will help you get back to a place where you can feel safe enough to ""feel"" again. \'a0It might be an uncomfortable journey, at times, but you are already hurting and your life is being negatively impacted, now. Good therapy sometimes is like pulling out a splinter--it may hurt a bit to dig that sucker out, but once it's out, your body can finally start to heal. \'a0It might seem better (and less painful) to leave it alone, and ignore (avoid) it. But you risk INFECTION by your inaction which will be 100 x worse than just digging it out.\'a0Best of luck to you!Learn more about me and my practice at www.EMDRheals.com", | "I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own.", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully.", | "You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. \'a0Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. \'a0When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. \'a0This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. \'a0This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. \'a0Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. \'a0A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. \'a0We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. \'a0In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. \'a0The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. \'a0The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. \'a0Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. \'a0If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. \'a0I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life.", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "Sociopaths don't know they are sociopaths.Clearly, you realize you have pretty deep emotions and have lived through several severely distressing situations.Your sense of self may be protecting for a while until you recover the practical aspects of daily life and feel some sense of predictability and stability in your life.Knowing and feeling disturbing emotions which rupture basic trust that other people are safe, is itself a raw process.Yes, it is possible to become numb emotionally. \'a0 The good purpose is to protect you from additional hurt.When your inner world feels itself ready, more of your emotions from the recent distressing events will be accessible.If many months pass and you see no progress, then definitely consider a few sessions with a therapist who would be able to guide you to become more open to your feelings.", | "You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. \'a0Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. \'a0When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. \'a0This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. \'a0This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. \'a0Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. \'a0A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. \'a0We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. \'a0In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. \'a0The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. \'a0The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. \'a0Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. \'a0If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. \'a0I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life.", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. \'a0Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. \'a0When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. \'a0This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. \'a0This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. \'a0Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. \'a0A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. \'a0We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. \'a0In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. \'a0The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. \'a0The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. \'a0Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. \'a0If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. \'a0I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life.", | "You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. \'a0My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it \'a0.Good luck! You can do this!", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. \'a0Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. \'a0When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. \'a0This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. \'a0This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. \'a0Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. \'a0A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. \'a0We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. \'a0In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. \'a0The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. \'a0The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. \'a0Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. \'a0If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. \'a0I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life.", | "I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own.", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully.", | "Sociopaths don't know they are sociopaths.Clearly, you realize you have pretty deep emotions and have lived through several severely distressing situations.Your sense of self may be protecting for a while until you recover the practical aspects of daily life and feel some sense of predictability and stability in your life.Knowing and feeling disturbing emotions which rupture basic trust that other people are safe, is itself a raw process.Yes, it is possible to become numb emotionally. \'a0 The good purpose is to protect you from additional hurt.When your inner world feels itself ready, more of your emotions from the recent distressing events will be accessible.If many months pass and you see no progress, then definitely consider a few sessions with a therapist who would be able to guide you to become more open to your feelings.", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully.", | "You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. \'a0My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it \'a0.Good luck! You can do this!", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully.", | "I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own.", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "Sociopaths don't know they are sociopaths.Clearly, you realize you have pretty deep emotions and have lived through several severely distressing situations.Your sense of self may be protecting for a while until you recover the practical aspects of daily life and feel some sense of predictability and stability in your life.Knowing and feeling disturbing emotions which rupture basic trust that other people are safe, is itself a raw process.Yes, it is possible to become numb emotionally. \'a0 The good purpose is to protect you from additional hurt.When your inner world feels itself ready, more of your emotions from the recent distressing events will be accessible.If many months pass and you see no progress, then definitely consider a few sessions with a therapist who would be able to guide you to become more open to your feelings.", | "You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. \'a0My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it \'a0.Good luck! You can do this!", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "Sociopaths don't know they are sociopaths.Clearly, you realize you have pretty deep emotions and have lived through several severely distressing situations.Your sense of self may be protecting for a while until you recover the practical aspects of daily life and feel some sense of predictability and stability in your life.Knowing and feeling disturbing emotions which rupture basic trust that other people are safe, is itself a raw process.Yes, it is possible to become numb emotionally. \'a0 The good purpose is to protect you from additional hurt.When your inner world feels itself ready, more of your emotions from the recent distressing events will be accessible.If many months pass and you see no progress, then definitely consider a few sessions with a therapist who would be able to guide you to become more open to your feelings.", | "I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own.", |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?"I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?" | "You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. \'a0My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it \'a0.Good luck! You can do this!", | "I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own.", |
Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder?"I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?" | "A car accident can be scary and possibly trigger your symptoms of PTSD. It is good that you recognize the possibility of this occurring.Not everyone who experiences a car accident develops PTSD. The chances are definitely increased due to your prior diagnosis during military service.Some of the things to be mindful of for yourself include:1.\'a0Feelings of anxiety and increased heart rate when you're faced with reminders of the event.2.\'a0Feeling a little more on edge when you're driving.3.Being more watchful. You're more likely to scan your environment for potential sources of threats.4.\'a0Avoidance. Because of the anxiety that often follows an accident, it's natural that you may want to avoid some situations or experience hesitation at times.If you experience any of these symptoms or feel other symptoms of PTSD it would be advisable to seek help possibly through your local VA Medical Clinic or a private practitioner. There are certain modalities such as EMDR that can help with your symptoms.", | "There are many types of traumas, and they certainly can compound on one another as you experience them. Without treating the traumas, or incidents where you felt there was a significant risk to your safety or that of others, there can be a cumulative effect. What we have learned in the mental health field from studying traumas, is that the body as a whole responds to these stressors in order to keep you safe during the events. If the body does not realize that it no longer needs to respond in this way because the event is now over, and then receives a trigger from a new event, it makes sense that the new event could cause additional issues. Both of these events can be addressed with the help of a Counselor. There are many Counselors that specialize in trauma inside and outside of the VA, so shop around if you are able and find someone that you connect with.", |
Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder?"I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?" | "A car accident can be scary and possibly trigger your symptoms of PTSD. It is good that you recognize the possibility of this occurring.Not everyone who experiences a car accident develops PTSD. The chances are definitely increased due to your prior diagnosis during military service.Some of the things to be mindful of for yourself include:1.\'a0Feelings of anxiety and increased heart rate when you're faced with reminders of the event.2.\'a0Feeling a little more on edge when you're driving.3.Being more watchful. You're more likely to scan your environment for potential sources of threats.4.\'a0Avoidance. Because of the anxiety that often follows an accident, it's natural that you may want to avoid some situations or experience hesitation at times.If you experience any of these symptoms or feel other symptoms of PTSD it would be advisable to seek help possibly through your local VA Medical Clinic or a private practitioner. There are certain modalities such as EMDR that can help with your symptoms.", | "A car accident can be a traumatic event. Especially, \'a0if it was serious, you could have feared for your life, felt everythingvwas out of control and had normal reactions to an abnormal situation afterwards.\'a0This may or may not be related to the traumas that you experienced in the military. If it is then it is possible that you will see a direct effect in triggering off PTSD symptoms. Even if it didn't, it is possible that the complexity of the two situations will interact inside you to be a combined response.\'a0Having already been diagnosed with PTSD, this might be a good time to reconnect with the help system you had around military experiences and explore it a little bit about the new experience. The right exploration does not have to make things worse and can be a good source of prevention.", |
Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder?"I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?" | "A car accident can be scary and possibly trigger your symptoms of PTSD. It is good that you recognize the possibility of this occurring.Not everyone who experiences a car accident develops PTSD. The chances are definitely increased due to your prior diagnosis during military service.Some of the things to be mindful of for yourself include:1.\'a0Feelings of anxiety and increased heart rate when you're faced with reminders of the event.2.\'a0Feeling a little more on edge when you're driving.3.Being more watchful. You're more likely to scan your environment for potential sources of threats.4.\'a0Avoidance. Because of the anxiety that often follows an accident, it's natural that you may want to avoid some situations or experience hesitation at times.If you experience any of these symptoms or feel other symptoms of PTSD it would be advisable to seek help possibly through your local VA Medical Clinic or a private practitioner. There are certain modalities such as EMDR that can help with your symptoms.", | "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can occur after any traumatic event where a real and present threat of harm or loss of life to yourself or others is present. Yes, a car accident could increase PTSD symptoms such as hyper-vigilance, anxiety, nightmares, re-playing the event, etc. Depending on the severity of the accident new triggers might exist. This is not to say that you cannot recover. Are you currently experiencing additional trauma symptoms?", |
Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder?"I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?" | "A car accident can be a traumatic event. Especially, \'a0if it was serious, you could have feared for your life, felt everythingvwas out of control and had normal reactions to an abnormal situation afterwards.\'a0This may or may not be related to the traumas that you experienced in the military. If it is then it is possible that you will see a direct effect in triggering off PTSD symptoms. Even if it didn't, it is possible that the complexity of the two situations will interact inside you to be a combined response.\'a0Having already been diagnosed with PTSD, this might be a good time to reconnect with the help system you had around military experiences and explore it a little bit about the new experience. The right exploration does not have to make things worse and can be a good source of prevention.", | "There are many types of traumas, and they certainly can compound on one another as you experience them. Without treating the traumas, or incidents where you felt there was a significant risk to your safety or that of others, there can be a cumulative effect. What we have learned in the mental health field from studying traumas, is that the body as a whole responds to these stressors in order to keep you safe during the events. If the body does not realize that it no longer needs to respond in this way because the event is now over, and then receives a trigger from a new event, it makes sense that the new event could cause additional issues. Both of these events can be addressed with the help of a Counselor. There are many Counselors that specialize in trauma inside and outside of the VA, so shop around if you are able and find someone that you connect with.", |
Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder?"I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?" | "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can occur after any traumatic event where a real and present threat of harm or loss of life to yourself or others is present. Yes, a car accident could increase PTSD symptoms such as hyper-vigilance, anxiety, nightmares, re-playing the event, etc. Depending on the severity of the accident new triggers might exist. This is not to say that you cannot recover. Are you currently experiencing additional trauma symptoms?", | "There are many types of traumas, and they certainly can compound on one another as you experience them. Without treating the traumas, or incidents where you felt there was a significant risk to your safety or that of others, there can be a cumulative effect. What we have learned in the mental health field from studying traumas, is that the body as a whole responds to these stressors in order to keep you safe during the events. If the body does not realize that it no longer needs to respond in this way because the event is now over, and then receives a trigger from a new event, it makes sense that the new event could cause additional issues. Both of these events can be addressed with the help of a Counselor. There are many Counselors that specialize in trauma inside and outside of the VA, so shop around if you are able and find someone that you connect with.", |
Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder?"I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?" | "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can occur after any traumatic event where a real and present threat of harm or loss of life to yourself or others is present. Yes, a car accident could increase PTSD symptoms such as hyper-vigilance, anxiety, nightmares, re-playing the event, etc. Depending on the severity of the accident new triggers might exist. This is not to say that you cannot recover. Are you currently experiencing additional trauma symptoms?", | "A car accident can be a traumatic event. Especially, \'a0if it was serious, you could have feared for your life, felt everythingvwas out of control and had normal reactions to an abnormal situation afterwards.\'a0This may or may not be related to the traumas that you experienced in the military. If it is then it is possible that you will see a direct effect in triggering off PTSD symptoms. Even if it didn't, it is possible that the complexity of the two situations will interact inside you to be a combined response.\'a0Having already been diagnosed with PTSD, this might be a good time to reconnect with the help system you had around military experiences and explore it a little bit about the new experience. The right exploration does not have to make things worse and can be a good source of prevention.", |
PTSD is impacting my whole life"I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back?" | "Your feeling overwhelmed by emotion and finding it difficult to trust people. \'a0This can be a really scary feeling. \'a0It is a common reaction for individuals who have endured a traumatic experience. \'a0Often, the aftermath of a trauma can leave people feeling constantly on guard, panicky, depressed, isolated, and riddled with nightmares and intrusive thoughts of the incident. \'a0And while the signs and symptoms can feel complex and at times overwhelming, feeling better is more than possible. \'a0Give yourself credit for the courage that it takes to reach out. \'a0With trauma therapy, I would expect you will begin feeling better as we implement a compassionate and client-focused evidenced -based approach together.\'a0I've helped countless people to gain positive ground over their traumatic experiences in a safe, supportive environment. \'a0I offer a variety of evidenced based traditional therapies as well as holistic modalities to best support you on the path to healing. \'a0We will work together as allies in your treatment. \'a0It would be an honor to work with you.", | "Slowly is the rate at which you'll get back your life.Being traumatized means not feeling safe in almost all areas of life.Be patient with yourself as you try to regain trust that people will not harm you and will be sources of satisfaction in your life.It is possible that the trauma in your life requires such great attention on your part to your own inner emotional safety that you are better off with a less intensive job than the one you recently lost.Try to prioritize restoring your emotional and psychological health. \'a0With this as the top area of your attention then you may have an easier time to accept a lesser degree of involvement in your work and relationships.When you feel angry, try to examine if underlying the anger are feelings of stress, fear, insecurity regarding your position in relationship to the person toward whom you feel angry. \'a0 Anger is often the surface reaction to more destabilizing emotions like fear and insecurity.Gradually by nurturing and comforting yourself, living at a pace which is uniquely comfortable to what and how much you can handle, you'll regain your trust in both yourself and relating to others.", |
PTSD is impacting my whole life"I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back?" | "Your feeling overwhelmed by emotion and finding it difficult to trust people. \'a0This can be a really scary feeling. \'a0It is a common reaction for individuals who have endured a traumatic experience. \'a0Often, the aftermath of a trauma can leave people feeling constantly on guard, panicky, depressed, isolated, and riddled with nightmares and intrusive thoughts of the incident. \'a0And while the signs and symptoms can feel complex and at times overwhelming, feeling better is more than possible. \'a0Give yourself credit for the courage that it takes to reach out. \'a0With trauma therapy, I would expect you will begin feeling better as we implement a compassionate and client-focused evidenced -based approach together.\'a0I've helped countless people to gain positive ground over their traumatic experiences in a safe, supportive environment. \'a0I offer a variety of evidenced based traditional therapies as well as holistic modalities to best support you on the path to healing. \'a0We will work together as allies in your treatment. \'a0It would be an honor to work with you.", | "It is brave of you to\'a0speak out, PTSD is not a joke and it can quickly take a\'a0toll on all aspect of life. Please, know that you are not alone and with the right help you can overcome these challenges.\'a0Living with PTSD can be very emotionally exhausting, but you can learn ways to cope with its challenges and find\'a0fulfillment in your life again. This means being proactively involved with the process, learning about the problem and positive ways to manage it can be a good start. This can also mean seeking professional help. It is important to address the problem both at the\'a0physiological and psychological level, this can mean using medication that is prescribed by a\'a0MD\'a0to reduce the intensity symptoms and also working with an experienced\'a0licensed professional. Having healthy life habits such as good sleep hygiene, healthy diet, staying away from self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, and exercising can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms as well. Please, consult with a licensed professional close to you to get more information on resources you can possibly find helpful to you.", |
PTSD is impacting my whole life"I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back?" | "Your feeling overwhelmed by emotion and finding it difficult to trust people. \'a0This can be a really scary feeling. \'a0It is a common reaction for individuals who have endured a traumatic experience. \'a0Often, the aftermath of a trauma can leave people feeling constantly on guard, panicky, depressed, isolated, and riddled with nightmares and intrusive thoughts of the incident. \'a0And while the signs and symptoms can feel complex and at times overwhelming, feeling better is more than possible. \'a0Give yourself credit for the courage that it takes to reach out. \'a0With trauma therapy, I would expect you will begin feeling better as we implement a compassionate and client-focused evidenced -based approach together.\'a0I've helped countless people to gain positive ground over their traumatic experiences in a safe, supportive environment. \'a0I offer a variety of evidenced based traditional therapies as well as holistic modalities to best support you on the path to healing. \'a0We will work together as allies in your treatment. \'a0It would be an honor to work with you.", | "Hi there,\'a0I hear you, PTSD has a very\'a0debilitating effect on your whole life. I know that from personal experience. Recovering from it is possible and doable!\'a0First is step is to acknowledge to yourself that your PTSD symptoms are a normal reaction to an abnormal and traumatic event. The nightmares, the anxiety, the heightened startle response - are all typical human responses following exposure to a frightening event. It's important that you don't blame yourself or your body for reacting this way, rather approach yourself with\'a0compassion\'a0and kindness that you would extend a\'a0friend\'a0who is hurting.\'a0The second\'a0step is to start taking steps towards healing. I would really encourage you to see a counselor or therapist specializing in trauma recovery so that you have a guided, step by step support. But if this is not an option, you can begin your healing on your own using a step-by-step approach outlined in the book, Healing Trauma, by Peter Levin. It's a very hands-on book and even comes with a CD audio guide. It has concrete exercises that you can do to help you eliminate dissociation, feel grounded, and decrease your anxiety response. I have used myself and with my clients with great success!\'a0You can begin your recovery journey now with this video with Peter Levin's approach to Trauma Recovery:\'a0 |
PTSD is impacting my whole life"I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back?" | "It is brave of you to\'a0speak out, PTSD is not a joke and it can quickly take a\'a0toll on all aspect of life. Please, know that you are not alone and with the right help you can overcome these challenges.\'a0Living with PTSD can be very emotionally exhausting, but you can learn ways to cope with its challenges and find\'a0fulfillment in your life again. This means being proactively involved with the process, learning about the problem and positive ways to manage it can be a good start. This can also mean seeking professional help. It is important to address the problem both at the\'a0physiological and psychological level, this can mean using medication that is prescribed by a\'a0MD\'a0to reduce the intensity symptoms and also working with an experienced\'a0licensed professional. Having healthy life habits such as good sleep hygiene, healthy diet, staying away from self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, and exercising can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms as well. Please, consult with a licensed professional close to you to get more information on resources you can possibly find helpful to you.", | "Slowly is the rate at which you'll get back your life.Being traumatized means not feeling safe in almost all areas of life.Be patient with yourself as you try to regain trust that people will not harm you and will be sources of satisfaction in your life.It is possible that the trauma in your life requires such great attention on your part to your own inner emotional safety that you are better off with a less intensive job than the one you recently lost.Try to prioritize restoring your emotional and psychological health. \'a0With this as the top area of your attention then you may have an easier time to accept a lesser degree of involvement in your work and relationships.When you feel angry, try to examine if underlying the anger are feelings of stress, fear, insecurity regarding your position in relationship to the person toward whom you feel angry. \'a0 Anger is often the surface reaction to more destabilizing emotions like fear and insecurity.Gradually by nurturing and comforting yourself, living at a pace which is uniquely comfortable to what and how much you can handle, you'll regain your trust in both yourself and relating to others.", |
PTSD is impacting my whole life"I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back?" | "Hi there,\'a0I hear you, PTSD has a very\'a0debilitating effect on your whole life. I know that from personal experience. Recovering from it is possible and doable!\'a0First is step is to acknowledge to yourself that your PTSD symptoms are a normal reaction to an abnormal and traumatic event. The nightmares, the anxiety, the heightened startle response - are all typical human responses following exposure to a frightening event. It's important that you don't blame yourself or your body for reacting this way, rather approach yourself with\'a0compassion\'a0and kindness that you would extend a\'a0friend\'a0who is hurting.\'a0The second\'a0step is to start taking steps towards healing. I would really encourage you to see a counselor or therapist specializing in trauma recovery so that you have a guided, step by step support. But if this is not an option, you can begin your healing on your own using a step-by-step approach outlined in the book, Healing Trauma, by Peter Levin. It's a very hands-on book and even comes with a CD audio guide. It has concrete exercises that you can do to help you eliminate dissociation, feel grounded, and decrease your anxiety response. I have used myself and with my clients with great success!\'a0You can begin your recovery journey now with this video with Peter Levin's approach to Trauma Recovery:\'a0 | "Slowly is the rate at which you'll get back your life.Being traumatized means not feeling safe in almost all areas of life.Be patient with yourself as you try to regain trust that people will not harm you and will be sources of satisfaction in your life.It is possible that the trauma in your life requires such great attention on your part to your own inner emotional safety that you are better off with a less intensive job than the one you recently lost.Try to prioritize restoring your emotional and psychological health. \'a0With this as the top area of your attention then you may have an easier time to accept a lesser degree of involvement in your work and relationships.When you feel angry, try to examine if underlying the anger are feelings of stress, fear, insecurity regarding your position in relationship to the person toward whom you feel angry. \'a0 Anger is often the surface reaction to more destabilizing emotions like fear and insecurity.Gradually by nurturing and comforting yourself, living at a pace which is uniquely comfortable to what and how much you can handle, you'll regain your trust in both yourself and relating to others.", |
PTSD is impacting my whole life"I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back?" | "Hi there,\'a0I hear you, PTSD has a very\'a0debilitating effect on your whole life. I know that from personal experience. Recovering from it is possible and doable!\'a0First is step is to acknowledge to yourself that your PTSD symptoms are a normal reaction to an abnormal and traumatic event. The nightmares, the anxiety, the heightened startle response - are all typical human responses following exposure to a frightening event. It's important that you don't blame yourself or your body for reacting this way, rather approach yourself with\'a0compassion\'a0and kindness that you would extend a\'a0friend\'a0who is hurting.\'a0The second\'a0step is to start taking steps towards healing. I would really encourage you to see a counselor or therapist specializing in trauma recovery so that you have a guided, step by step support. But if this is not an option, you can begin your healing on your own using a step-by-step approach outlined in the book, Healing Trauma, by Peter Levin. It's a very hands-on book and even comes with a CD audio guide. It has concrete exercises that you can do to help you eliminate dissociation, feel grounded, and decrease your anxiety response. I have used myself and with my clients with great success!\'a0You can begin your recovery journey now with this video with Peter Levin's approach to Trauma Recovery:\'a0 | "It is brave of you to\'a0speak out, PTSD is not a joke and it can quickly take a\'a0toll on all aspect of life. Please, know that you are not alone and with the right help you can overcome these challenges.\'a0Living with PTSD can be very emotionally exhausting, but you can learn ways to cope with its challenges and find\'a0fulfillment in your life again. This means being proactively involved with the process, learning about the problem and positive ways to manage it can be a good start. This can also mean seeking professional help. It is important to address the problem both at the\'a0physiological and psychological level, this can mean using medication that is prescribed by a\'a0MD\'a0to reduce the intensity symptoms and also working with an experienced\'a0licensed professional. Having healthy life habits such as good sleep hygiene, healthy diet, staying away from self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, and exercising can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms as well. Please, consult with a licensed professional close to you to get more information on resources you can possibly find helpful to you.", |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers?I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | "Talking about it stops it from being a secret.\'a0 It takes courage to have posted your question and that is the first step. Here is an article I wrote a few years back.\'a0\'a0 | "I'm glad you're willing to keep optimistic about life improving and offering better relationships than some of the ones in which you greatly suffered.One suggestion is to develop patience with yourself and the process of regaining your willingness to trust other people.Sexual intimacy engages all of who we truly are. \'a0 Being cautious as to who and how much you allow someone into your life, is natural for anyone recovering from trauma.Allow yourself to withdraw when situations feel dangerous. \'a0 Your sense of danger is most likely on higher alert than had you not been victimized.Be attentive and cooperate with your own sense of readiness to engage in conversation, discussions and sex with your partner.Explain all this to your partner so the person can develop their own patience with your recuperation process.", |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers?I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | "Talking about it stops it from being a secret.\'a0 It takes courage to have posted your question and that is the first step. Here is an article I wrote a few years back.\'a0\'a0 | "I encourage you to seek out and work with a therapist who specializes in treating complex trauma. \'a0Somatic Experiencing, Brainspotting, and Internal Family Systems Therapy are all highly effective treatments for people dealing with complex trauma. \'a0If you are interested in reading a book that is supportive and compassionate, Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score is a wonderful book that discusses treatment options in depth.", |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers?I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | "I'm glad you're willing to keep optimistic about life improving and offering better relationships than some of the ones in which you greatly suffered.One suggestion is to develop patience with yourself and the process of regaining your willingness to trust other people.Sexual intimacy engages all of who we truly are. \'a0 Being cautious as to who and how much you allow someone into your life, is natural for anyone recovering from trauma.Allow yourself to withdraw when situations feel dangerous. \'a0 Your sense of danger is most likely on higher alert than had you not been victimized.Be attentive and cooperate with your own sense of readiness to engage in conversation, discussions and sex with your partner.Explain all this to your partner so the person can develop their own patience with your recuperation process.", | "I encourage you to seek out and work with a therapist who specializes in treating complex trauma. \'a0Somatic Experiencing, Brainspotting, and Internal Family Systems Therapy are all highly effective treatments for people dealing with complex trauma. \'a0If you are interested in reading a book that is supportive and compassionate, Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score is a wonderful book that discusses treatment options in depth.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, and I can understand the urge to drink and smoke to try and cope. As I'm sure you understand, alcohol and marijuana may take the edge off of the pain in the short run, but in the long run they may prevent you from being able to work through the thoughts and feelings that you have about the loss of your friend. Grieving is a process that is unique to each individual and each relationship that may involve difficult, confusing, and even contradictory seeming thoughts and feelings and a competent therapist can help you work through this process. It also may be useful for you to add other ways of coping, such as taking care of yourself through exercise, doing healthy activities that you love, and spending time with people that you love. Self care is often most difficult when we need it the most. Thank you for reaching out.", | "I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, and I can understand the urge to drink and smoke to try and cope. As I'm sure you understand, alcohol and marijuana may take the edge off of the pain in the short run, but in the long run they may prevent you from being able to work through the thoughts and feelings that you have about the loss of your friend. Grieving is a process that is unique to each individual and each relationship that may involve difficult, confusing, and even contradictory seeming thoughts and feelings and a competent therapist can help you work through this process. It also may be useful for you to add other ways of coping, such as taking care of yourself through exercise, doing healthy activities that you love, and spending time with people that you love. Self care is often most difficult when we need it the most. Thank you for reaching out.", | "Suicide is a very traumatic loss and affects survivors significantly. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One way I recommend to deal with the loss of a loved one is to write letters to them. Some people like to keep the letters in a jar, maybe fill the jar with sand so the letters are buried. I recommend writing the letters as often as you need to. You will notice over time the need to write the letters will decrease and the intense feelings of loss will decrease. I also recommend finding a survivors support group in your area. You can find more information on www.afsp.org.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, and I can understand the urge to drink and smoke to try and cope. As I'm sure you understand, alcohol and marijuana may take the edge off of the pain in the short run, but in the long run they may prevent you from being able to work through the thoughts and feelings that you have about the loss of your friend. Grieving is a process that is unique to each individual and each relationship that may involve difficult, confusing, and even contradictory seeming thoughts and feelings and a competent therapist can help you work through this process. It also may be useful for you to add other ways of coping, such as taking care of yourself through exercise, doing healthy activities that you love, and spending time with people that you love. Self care is often most difficult when we need it the most. Thank you for reaching out.", | "Let me begin by offering my condolences for your loss. I can understand how difficult this time maybe for you especially if you have several unanswered the questions due to the circumstances surrounding the death of your friend. \'a0It's during this time, that you may experience the various stages of grief. This includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.\'a0In the bereavement process, there is so specific time frame or lengths of time for someone to work through each step. Its imperative to note \'a0that one may\'a0express each stage with different levels of intensity. Also, the five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Just note that everyone greives differently, some internalize their feelings and emotions, others express it externally, while other avoid it all together.Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience. Sometimes we feel that no one understands what we are feeling or going through, much less comprehend our emotional state of mind . What's important, is that you allow others to comfort you through the various stages. My recommendation is to allow yourself to go through the emotions and feel the grief. Avoiding or resisting may only delay the healing process. Reaching the acceptance stage of mourning is a gift not not everyone is awarded, but seeking the help of a Grief counselor may assist in deciphering your emotions and set you on a more positive path to achieve closer.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, and I can understand the urge to drink and smoke to try and cope. As I'm sure you understand, alcohol and marijuana may take the edge off of the pain in the short run, but in the long run they may prevent you from being able to work through the thoughts and feelings that you have about the loss of your friend. Grieving is a process that is unique to each individual and each relationship that may involve difficult, confusing, and even contradictory seeming thoughts and feelings and a competent therapist can help you work through this process. It also may be useful for you to add other ways of coping, such as taking care of yourself through exercise, doing healthy activities that you love, and spending time with people that you love. Self care is often most difficult when we need it the most. Thank you for reaching out.", | "I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. \'a0There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy. \'a0I think it's important to remember that there is no ""right"" or ""wrong"" way to deal with loss and the ""best way"" for you may not be the best way for someone else. \'a0The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time. \'a0Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions.\'a0When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty. \'a0The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.)\'a0We never truly ""get over"" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, and I can understand the urge to drink and smoke to try and cope. As I'm sure you understand, alcohol and marijuana may take the edge off of the pain in the short run, but in the long run they may prevent you from being able to work through the thoughts and feelings that you have about the loss of your friend. Grieving is a process that is unique to each individual and each relationship that may involve difficult, confusing, and even contradictory seeming thoughts and feelings and a competent therapist can help you work through this process. It also may be useful for you to add other ways of coping, such as taking care of yourself through exercise, doing healthy activities that you love, and spending time with people that you love. Self care is often most difficult when we need it the most. Thank you for reaching out.", | "First I am so sorry for your loss. \'a0Most people go through the grieving process. \'a0I would get a better understanding of what that process is. \'a0Everyone has their own way of handling loss. \'a0You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it. \'a0I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "Suicide is a very traumatic loss and affects survivors significantly. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One way I recommend to deal with the loss of a loved one is to write letters to them. Some people like to keep the letters in a jar, maybe fill the jar with sand so the letters are buried. I recommend writing the letters as often as you need to. You will notice over time the need to write the letters will decrease and the intense feelings of loss will decrease. I also recommend finding a survivors support group in your area. You can find more information on www.afsp.org.", | "I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "Let me begin by offering my condolences for your loss. I can understand how difficult this time maybe for you especially if you have several unanswered the questions due to the circumstances surrounding the death of your friend. \'a0It's during this time, that you may experience the various stages of grief. This includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.\'a0In the bereavement process, there is so specific time frame or lengths of time for someone to work through each step. Its imperative to note \'a0that one may\'a0express each stage with different levels of intensity. Also, the five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Just note that everyone greives differently, some internalize their feelings and emotions, others express it externally, while other avoid it all together.Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience. Sometimes we feel that no one understands what we are feeling or going through, much less comprehend our emotional state of mind . What's important, is that you allow others to comfort you through the various stages. My recommendation is to allow yourself to go through the emotions and feel the grief. Avoiding or resisting may only delay the healing process. Reaching the acceptance stage of mourning is a gift not not everyone is awarded, but seeking the help of a Grief counselor may assist in deciphering your emotions and set you on a more positive path to achieve closer.", | "I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. \'a0There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy. \'a0I think it's important to remember that there is no ""right"" or ""wrong"" way to deal with loss and the ""best way"" for you may not be the best way for someone else. \'a0The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time. \'a0Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions.\'a0When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty. \'a0The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.)\'a0We never truly ""get over"" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time.", | "I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)", | "First I am so sorry for your loss. \'a0Most people go through the grieving process. \'a0I would get a better understanding of what that process is. \'a0Everyone has their own way of handling loss. \'a0You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it. \'a0I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "Suicide is a very traumatic loss and affects survivors significantly. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One way I recommend to deal with the loss of a loved one is to write letters to them. Some people like to keep the letters in a jar, maybe fill the jar with sand so the letters are buried. I recommend writing the letters as often as you need to. You will notice over time the need to write the letters will decrease and the intense feelings of loss will decrease. I also recommend finding a survivors support group in your area. You can find more information on www.afsp.org.", | "Let me begin by offering my condolences for your loss. I can understand how difficult this time maybe for you especially if you have several unanswered the questions due to the circumstances surrounding the death of your friend. \'a0It's during this time, that you may experience the various stages of grief. This includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.\'a0In the bereavement process, there is so specific time frame or lengths of time for someone to work through each step. Its imperative to note \'a0that one may\'a0express each stage with different levels of intensity. Also, the five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Just note that everyone greives differently, some internalize their feelings and emotions, others express it externally, while other avoid it all together.Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience. Sometimes we feel that no one understands what we are feeling or going through, much less comprehend our emotional state of mind . What's important, is that you allow others to comfort you through the various stages. My recommendation is to allow yourself to go through the emotions and feel the grief. Avoiding or resisting may only delay the healing process. Reaching the acceptance stage of mourning is a gift not not everyone is awarded, but seeking the help of a Grief counselor may assist in deciphering your emotions and set you on a more positive path to achieve closer.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "Suicide is a very traumatic loss and affects survivors significantly. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One way I recommend to deal with the loss of a loved one is to write letters to them. Some people like to keep the letters in a jar, maybe fill the jar with sand so the letters are buried. I recommend writing the letters as often as you need to. You will notice over time the need to write the letters will decrease and the intense feelings of loss will decrease. I also recommend finding a survivors support group in your area. You can find more information on www.afsp.org.", | "I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. \'a0There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy. \'a0I think it's important to remember that there is no ""right"" or ""wrong"" way to deal with loss and the ""best way"" for you may not be the best way for someone else. \'a0The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time. \'a0Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions.\'a0When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty. \'a0The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.)\'a0We never truly ""get over"" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "Suicide is a very traumatic loss and affects survivors significantly. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One way I recommend to deal with the loss of a loved one is to write letters to them. Some people like to keep the letters in a jar, maybe fill the jar with sand so the letters are buried. I recommend writing the letters as often as you need to. You will notice over time the need to write the letters will decrease and the intense feelings of loss will decrease. I also recommend finding a survivors support group in your area. You can find more information on www.afsp.org.", | "First I am so sorry for your loss. \'a0Most people go through the grieving process. \'a0I would get a better understanding of what that process is. \'a0Everyone has their own way of handling loss. \'a0You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it. \'a0I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "Let me begin by offering my condolences for your loss. I can understand how difficult this time maybe for you especially if you have several unanswered the questions due to the circumstances surrounding the death of your friend. \'a0It's during this time, that you may experience the various stages of grief. This includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.\'a0In the bereavement process, there is so specific time frame or lengths of time for someone to work through each step. Its imperative to note \'a0that one may\'a0express each stage with different levels of intensity. Also, the five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Just note that everyone greives differently, some internalize their feelings and emotions, others express it externally, while other avoid it all together.Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience. Sometimes we feel that no one understands what we are feeling or going through, much less comprehend our emotional state of mind . What's important, is that you allow others to comfort you through the various stages. My recommendation is to allow yourself to go through the emotions and feel the grief. Avoiding or resisting may only delay the healing process. Reaching the acceptance stage of mourning is a gift not not everyone is awarded, but seeking the help of a Grief counselor may assist in deciphering your emotions and set you on a more positive path to achieve closer.", | "I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. \'a0There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy. \'a0I think it's important to remember that there is no ""right"" or ""wrong"" way to deal with loss and the ""best way"" for you may not be the best way for someone else. \'a0The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time. \'a0Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions.\'a0When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty. \'a0The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.)\'a0We never truly ""get over"" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "Let me begin by offering my condolences for your loss. I can understand how difficult this time maybe for you especially if you have several unanswered the questions due to the circumstances surrounding the death of your friend. \'a0It's during this time, that you may experience the various stages of grief. This includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.\'a0In the bereavement process, there is so specific time frame or lengths of time for someone to work through each step. Its imperative to note \'a0that one may\'a0express each stage with different levels of intensity. Also, the five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Just note that everyone greives differently, some internalize their feelings and emotions, others express it externally, while other avoid it all together.Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience. Sometimes we feel that no one understands what we are feeling or going through, much less comprehend our emotional state of mind . What's important, is that you allow others to comfort you through the various stages. My recommendation is to allow yourself to go through the emotions and feel the grief. Avoiding or resisting may only delay the healing process. Reaching the acceptance stage of mourning is a gift not not everyone is awarded, but seeking the help of a Grief counselor may assist in deciphering your emotions and set you on a more positive path to achieve closer.", | "First I am so sorry for your loss. \'a0Most people go through the grieving process. \'a0I would get a better understanding of what that process is. \'a0Everyone has their own way of handling loss. \'a0You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it. \'a0I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better.", |
What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | "I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. \'a0There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy. \'a0I think it's important to remember that there is no ""right"" or ""wrong"" way to deal with loss and the ""best way"" for you may not be the best way for someone else. \'a0The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time. \'a0Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions.\'a0When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty. \'a0The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.)\'a0We never truly ""get over"" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time.", | "First I am so sorry for your loss. \'a0Most people go through the grieving process. \'a0I would get a better understanding of what that process is. \'a0Everyone has their own way of handling loss. \'a0You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it. \'a0I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better.", |
How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future?"I have family issues and my dad was both violent and a cheater." | "Hi New York, There's no way to keep your past from affecting your present and future, because it's a huge part of who we are. The GOOD news is, though, that the effect doesn't have to be negative. I'm met many people who have horrific pasts and it helps them know confidently, every day, what kind of person they want to be and what kind of world they want to live in, and it helps them make really great decisions. You can accept your past, integrate your traumas and move forward in a very different way.\'a0If you see negative ways in which your past affects you (and this is also common), you are wise to seek professional help. Without knowing more, it's impossible to give you a lot of direction here. Basically, our past creates emotional ""bruises"" that are touch on and triggered by present situations. But our reactions are often about more than just the present moment. I think you know that.I wish you the best as you sort it out.", | "I can imagine how incredibly difficult this must be for you. Having past traumatic experiences creap up on you without warning can be very scary and stressful. You may be suffering from symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder. Getting evaluated by a professional would be a good step to take next. By seeking treatment and having a therapist who you trust and can connect with, you will gain the ability to think about your experiences without it significantly interfering with your daily functioning. A therapist can also help you to develop new coping stragies to be used during recall of these experiences and help you to adopt healthy thought patterns. I would also recommend that you seek support from loved ones. Sometimes just\'a0talking\'a0about your experiences and\'a0associated feelings will alleviate some\'a0of\'a0the emotional troubles\'a0you are suffering from.\'a0Lastly, you may find meditation or mindfulness work to be of great benefit. Having the ability to live in the present moment should reduce the effects of your traumatic experiences interfering with recalling your past or looking forward to your future. I wish you all the best!", |
How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future?"I have family issues and my dad was both violent and a cheater." | "Hi New York, There's no way to keep your past from affecting your present and future, because it's a huge part of who we are. The GOOD news is, though, that the effect doesn't have to be negative. I'm met many people who have horrific pasts and it helps them know confidently, every day, what kind of person they want to be and what kind of world they want to live in, and it helps them make really great decisions. You can accept your past, integrate your traumas and move forward in a very different way.\'a0If you see negative ways in which your past affects you (and this is also common), you are wise to seek professional help. Without knowing more, it's impossible to give you a lot of direction here. Basically, our past creates emotional ""bruises"" that are touch on and triggered by present situations. But our reactions are often about more than just the present moment. I think you know that.I wish you the best as you sort it out.", | "In general, our past is always somewhat alive and does inform our present experiences. \'a0All past experiences, both positive and negative are what have brought you where you are today, physically and emotionally. \'a0\'a0That being said, your father's behavior does not have to define you or your future. \'a0You have power over your life and your future. \'a0By learning more about yourself, you can learn to incorporate your past into your present life, without being defined by past traumas. \'a0The best way to grow and learn how to do this is to talk with someone about your experiences. \'a0By talking about your past and present struggles with a trusted confidante or helping professional you will hopefully learn how to be at peace with your past.", |
How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future?"I have family issues and my dad was both violent and a cheater." | "I can imagine how incredibly difficult this must be for you. Having past traumatic experiences creap up on you without warning can be very scary and stressful. You may be suffering from symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder. Getting evaluated by a professional would be a good step to take next. By seeking treatment and having a therapist who you trust and can connect with, you will gain the ability to think about your experiences without it significantly interfering with your daily functioning. A therapist can also help you to develop new coping stragies to be used during recall of these experiences and help you to adopt healthy thought patterns. I would also recommend that you seek support from loved ones. Sometimes just\'a0talking\'a0about your experiences and\'a0associated feelings will alleviate some\'a0of\'a0the emotional troubles\'a0you are suffering from.\'a0Lastly, you may find meditation or mindfulness work to be of great benefit. Having the ability to live in the present moment should reduce the effects of your traumatic experiences interfering with recalling your past or looking forward to your future. I wish you all the best!", | "In general, our past is always somewhat alive and does inform our present experiences. \'a0All past experiences, both positive and negative are what have brought you where you are today, physically and emotionally. \'a0\'a0That being said, your father's behavior does not have to define you or your future. \'a0You have power over your life and your future. \'a0By learning more about yourself, you can learn to incorporate your past into your present life, without being defined by past traumas. \'a0The best way to grow and learn how to do this is to talk with someone about your experiences. \'a0By talking about your past and present struggles with a trusted confidante or helping professional you will hopefully learn how to be at peace with your past.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.", | "Thanks for sharing and asking for help.\'a0 You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.\'a0 The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which ""...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.\'a0 Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration:\'a0 |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.", | "Thanks for sharing and asking for help.\'a0 You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.\'a0 The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which ""...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.\'a0 Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration:\'a0 |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you.", | "Thanks for sharing and asking for help.\'a0 You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.\'a0 The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which ""...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.\'a0 Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration:\'a0 |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or \'a0in an effort to desensitize us to it. \'a0If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider \'a0what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way. \'a0Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma \'a0of what you went through needs to be addressed. \'a0it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that. \'a0You may want to \'a0begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e. \'a0Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being \'a0"" The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship "", \'a0or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.) \'a0These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them.", | "Thanks for sharing and asking for help.\'a0 You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.\'a0 The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which ""...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.\'a0 Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration:\'a0 |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "Thanks for sharing and asking for help.\'a0 You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.\'a0 The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which ""...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.\'a0 Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration:\'a0 | "From what you describe about yourself, I agree with you that ending your former relationship was a very wise decision.The nightmares and flashbacks show that you were deeply affected emotionally and on the foundations of your basic nature.The way for these to stop is by the slow process of realizing how badly injured and frightened you were of your former partner.Once you've stabilized yourself by accepting the tremendous harshness that was part of the former relationship, then the nightmares and flashbacks will disappear gradually usually, maybe all at once.There is a possibility too that your former relationship connected with being emotionally ignored, abandoned, treated harshly during your time of growing up years.Since generally people choose partners who relate similarly to the ways in which they felt treated by parents, it is possible that you had been badly treated while growing up and weren't aware of this until going through this terrible relationship.Congratulations on ending your relationship!", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "Thanks for sharing and asking for help.\'a0 You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.\'a0 The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which ""...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.\'a0 Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration:\'a0 | "Your challenge is called ""co-dependency."" People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.", | "It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you.", | "It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or \'a0in an effort to desensitize us to it. \'a0If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider \'a0what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way. \'a0Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma \'a0of what you went through needs to be addressed. \'a0it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that. \'a0You may want to \'a0begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e. \'a0Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being \'a0"" The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship "", \'a0or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.) \'a0These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them.", | "It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.", | "From what you describe about yourself, I agree with you that ending your former relationship was a very wise decision.The nightmares and flashbacks show that you were deeply affected emotionally and on the foundations of your basic nature.The way for these to stop is by the slow process of realizing how badly injured and frightened you were of your former partner.Once you've stabilized yourself by accepting the tremendous harshness that was part of the former relationship, then the nightmares and flashbacks will disappear gradually usually, maybe all at once.There is a possibility too that your former relationship connected with being emotionally ignored, abandoned, treated harshly during your time of growing up years.Since generally people choose partners who relate similarly to the ways in which they felt treated by parents, it is possible that you had been badly treated while growing up and weren't aware of this until going through this terrible relationship.Congratulations on ending your relationship!", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.", | "Your challenge is called ""co-dependency."" People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you.", | "One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or \'a0in an effort to desensitize us to it. \'a0If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider \'a0what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way. \'a0Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma \'a0of what you went through needs to be addressed. \'a0it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that. \'a0You may want to \'a0begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e. \'a0Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being \'a0"" The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship "", \'a0or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.) \'a0These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them.", | "One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.", | "From what you describe about yourself, I agree with you that ending your former relationship was a very wise decision.The nightmares and flashbacks show that you were deeply affected emotionally and on the foundations of your basic nature.The way for these to stop is by the slow process of realizing how badly injured and frightened you were of your former partner.Once you've stabilized yourself by accepting the tremendous harshness that was part of the former relationship, then the nightmares and flashbacks will disappear gradually usually, maybe all at once.There is a possibility too that your former relationship connected with being emotionally ignored, abandoned, treated harshly during your time of growing up years.Since generally people choose partners who relate similarly to the ways in which they felt treated by parents, it is possible that you had been badly treated while growing up and weren't aware of this until going through this terrible relationship.Congratulations on ending your relationship!", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.", | "Your challenge is called ""co-dependency."" People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or \'a0in an effort to desensitize us to it. \'a0If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider \'a0what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way. \'a0Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma \'a0of what you went through needs to be addressed. \'a0it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that. \'a0You may want to \'a0begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e. \'a0Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being \'a0"" The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship "", \'a0or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.) \'a0These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them.", | "EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you.", | "From what you describe about yourself, I agree with you that ending your former relationship was a very wise decision.The nightmares and flashbacks show that you were deeply affected emotionally and on the foundations of your basic nature.The way for these to stop is by the slow process of realizing how badly injured and frightened you were of your former partner.Once you've stabilized yourself by accepting the tremendous harshness that was part of the former relationship, then the nightmares and flashbacks will disappear gradually usually, maybe all at once.There is a possibility too that your former relationship connected with being emotionally ignored, abandoned, treated harshly during your time of growing up years.Since generally people choose partners who relate similarly to the ways in which they felt treated by parents, it is possible that you had been badly treated while growing up and weren't aware of this until going through this terrible relationship.Congratulations on ending your relationship!", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you.", | "Your challenge is called ""co-dependency."" People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or \'a0in an effort to desensitize us to it. \'a0If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider \'a0what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way. \'a0Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma \'a0of what you went through needs to be addressed. \'a0it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that. \'a0You may want to \'a0begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e. \'a0Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being \'a0"" The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship "", \'a0or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.) \'a0These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them.", | "From what you describe about yourself, I agree with you that ending your former relationship was a very wise decision.The nightmares and flashbacks show that you were deeply affected emotionally and on the foundations of your basic nature.The way for these to stop is by the slow process of realizing how badly injured and frightened you were of your former partner.Once you've stabilized yourself by accepting the tremendous harshness that was part of the former relationship, then the nightmares and flashbacks will disappear gradually usually, maybe all at once.There is a possibility too that your former relationship connected with being emotionally ignored, abandoned, treated harshly during your time of growing up years.Since generally people choose partners who relate similarly to the ways in which they felt treated by parents, it is possible that you had been badly treated while growing up and weren't aware of this until going through this terrible relationship.Congratulations on ending your relationship!", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or \'a0in an effort to desensitize us to it. \'a0If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider \'a0what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way. \'a0Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma \'a0of what you went through needs to be addressed. \'a0it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that. \'a0You may want to \'a0begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e. \'a0Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being \'a0"" The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship "", \'a0or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.) \'a0These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them.", | "Your challenge is called ""co-dependency."" People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.", |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship"I was the one who ended it and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship." | "From what you describe about yourself, I agree with you that ending your former relationship was a very wise decision.The nightmares and flashbacks show that you were deeply affected emotionally and on the foundations of your basic nature.The way for these to stop is by the slow process of realizing how badly injured and frightened you were of your former partner.Once you've stabilized yourself by accepting the tremendous harshness that was part of the former relationship, then the nightmares and flashbacks will disappear gradually usually, maybe all at once.There is a possibility too that your former relationship connected with being emotionally ignored, abandoned, treated harshly during your time of growing up years.Since generally people choose partners who relate similarly to the ways in which they felt treated by parents, it is possible that you had been badly treated while growing up and weren't aware of this until going through this terrible relationship.Congratulations on ending your relationship!", | "Your challenge is called ""co-dependency."" People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.", |
How do I get my partner to stop verbally abusing me?"Every time my partner gets angry for anything she takes it out on me. Nothing I do is right and once she's mad she calls me all kinds of names and is verbally abusive. She says it isn\'t abuse it\'s just angry verbal bashing and that it\'s different. It gets worse each time. The names are very vulgar now." | "Ultimately it is only your partner who can decide whether to stop name calling or not.I would take very seriously that she doesn't show any willingness to hear and understand your point of view.In a relationship in which one person claims the right to verbally abuse the other, there isn't much genuine care and trust going on at all.It is never safe to open your heart to her since you can't tell in advance if you'll be treated with kindness or bashing.Think seriously how possible it is for you to enjoy your relationship if your partner is unwilling to accommodate your feelings.If the two of you are unable to agree on terms or discuss the problem as a mutual one, not just your problem, then you may wish to withdraw from the relationship.", | "One thing you could try is to talk to your partner when she's not angry about the following:If she's angry, maybe she can talk with you about what she is angry about rather than calling you names.If she gets angry and then calms down a little while later, maybe one of you can take a timeout in the discussion and set a time when you will come back to it.Discuss what it is that you find acceptable for you to do during an argumentDiscuss what it is that you find unacceptable for you to do during an argumentDiscuss what is acceptable for her to do during an argumentDiscuss what is on acceptable for her to do during an argumentYour partner can answer the same questions related to herself and you.I can't emphasize enough how important it is to have this discussion when there is not an argument going on. Perhaps you could mention that you would like to talk about something that is really important and see if the current time is a good time. If not, consider when in the next 24 to 48 hours would be a good time.It may also be helpful to discuss these ideas with a local therapist. The therapist may also be able to help both of you figure out where the anger is coming from and where she has learned to react this way.If it is abuse, it may be even more difficult to have these important discussions. It may be helpful for you to see a local therapist by yourself to assess things like physical and emotional safety.", |
How can I control myself and my anger?I snap easy and push people away. I need help before I push my boyfriend away. | "Meditation may be able to assist you in dealing and looking at your anger differently. Anger is not usually just anger. Behind our anger may lie rejection, grief, loneliness, a longing to reconnect, etc. When we ignore or repress our anger, we are always ignoring these other emotions as well.Meditation is the midpoint between expressing and repressing anger. It allows us a space to stay present with it as it arises and recognize the many faces of anger. By doing this, we are able to become aware of our feelings to learn more about them and not be swept away by them.\'a0Learn more here: | "Awareness is the first step.\'a0 Now that you know that you snap and push people away, you can look into ways to control your anger.\'a0 If you give yourself the time to analyze why you experience anger, you will discover that there are other feelings underneath; \'a0shame, frustration, disappointment, and fear are some of the feelings that we cover with anger when we are not ready to deal with them or don\'92t know how to express them.\'a0 So next time you feel angry, even if you snap (with practice you will be able to identify them ahead of time), identify why you are angry, and try to express it out loud.\'a0 A therapist can help you to learn assertive communication skill using examples drawn from your daily experiences.If you would like to engage in therapy, I am licensed in Texas and Puerto Rico, you can contact me at 787-466-5478.\'bfC\'f3mo puedo controlarme y a mi coraje?Exploto f\'e1cilmente y alejo a las personas.\'a0 Necesito ayudo antes de hacer que mi novio se aleje.Tener conciencia de la situaci\'f3n es el primer paso.\'a0 Ahora que sabes que explotas y alejas a las personas, puedes buscar maneras de controlar tu enojo.\'a0 Si te das tiempo para analizar porque te da coraje, descubrir\'e1s que hay otras emociones escondidas, la verg\'fcenza, la frustraci\'f3n, la decepci\'f3n y el miedo son algunas de las emociones que cubrimos con coraje cuando no estamos listos para revelarlas, procesarlas o expresarlas.\'a0 As\'ed que la pr\'f3xima vez que est\'e9s a punto de explotar, o cuando ya hayas explotado (con la practica uno aprende a identificarlas de antemano), identifica por que estas enojada e intenta expresarlo en voz alta. Un consejero te puede ayudar aprender t\'e9cnicas de comunicaci\'f3n asertiva usando ejemplos de tu vida cotidiana.Si te gustar\'eda hacer terapia, soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Texas y en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478.", |
How can I control my temper?I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child. | "Yes you can..\'a0 If you cannot control your temper, who can?\'a0 You have more power of your emotions, thoughts and feeling than you are giving yourself credit for.\'a0 If this is scaring your wife and child, you need to get control of it immediately.\'a0 Try going to an anger management class.\'a0 It will help to discover what is the root cause of your anger, what triggers it and how you can control/manage it.\'a0 If you can't go to a class, try self help books or even better yet counseling and support of a professional counselor.", | "Well, yes, of course it scares them.\'a0 They see someone they love behaving is frightening ways.\'a0 That's a good reason to want to manage your emotions differently...but\'a0 what are your thoughts on your anger?\'a0 Do you think your angry feelings justify lashing out?\'a0\'a0The thing is that feeling angry is just that...feeling.\'a0 Acting out is behavior and that affects everyone around you.\'a0 Do you need to manage your behavior, as well as your feelings?\'a0 My guess is that you do.First you need to pay better attention to your feelings ""thermostat"".\'a0 If you are always near ""boiling"" you don't have much margin for error.\'a0 It's in\'a0 your best interest, and\'a0 that of your family, to bring that temperature down.\'a0 That may mean more physical activity, meditation, journaling or some other outlet.The next, and bigger, question is what are you so mad about?\'a0 Or are you really sad, scared, confused?\'a0 Anger is a secondary emotion, much like pneumonia is a secondary infection.\'a0 Anger, which sets us up to defend ourselves against a perceived danger, is often a cover for feelings that leave us more vulnerable.\'a0 That means people who are grieving may exhibit rage; people who are scared may lash out.That doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it might explain it. Get in t o see a therapist ASAP.\'a0 You need a bit of help to identify both anger triggers and underlying feelings that get played out as anger.\'a0 You are not a bad person for exhibiting emotions, but anger can quickly become destructive - get help now!", |
Why do I get angry so easily?"Sometime when small thing happen like losing a comb I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem?" | "Anyone who asks whether or not they have a problem, usually feels at least partly, that they do have a problem.Your answer to the question is what matters.Since you already understand that your reaction is overstated to the events which trigger them, the reactions you're having are more than likely anger that is leftover from past events, either in the near or distant past.Be aware, consider, reflect on \'a0how you usually handle feeling angry. \'a0Based on your description here, it is quite likely that the anger you show toward what you call ""little things"" reflect anger at much bigger matters that are uncomfortable and not easy to understand.Knowing more about the more significant matters causing frustration for you, may very likely decrease reacting angrily toward smaller matters.", | "I don't like the word ""problem"".\'a0 It is such a strong word.\'a0 However I would say that you have an issue that needs to be addressed and controlled before it directed at the wrong person and gets totally out of control.\'a0 I have found that anger management classes has been helpful for my clients.\'a0 Try and see if it will help.\'a0 You will be surprised at what you learn about your self.", |
How can I control myself and learn to let things go or communicate?"Whenever I run into a situation that makes me upset or angry I tend to start cursing and badly offending the person I am confronting. I say mean things to let my anger out. Whenever people tell me stuff about my relationship (like starting rumors or saying negative things about me or my relationship) I lash out not just them but at my boyfriend. I feel like I keep causing drama due to my personality. I want to be a better person and learn to let things not get to me and be happy and graceful. I hurt the ones I love with my words. I want to be better for myself and them." | "Hi California,I'm happy to hear you want to get a hold of this problem. Relationships don't tend to last when we treat people poorly. It is very possible for you to learn different ways of relating, with some strong effort. I would highly suggest working with a therapist, and I will give you a few things to think about in the interim.Sometimes anger is there because we feel something is unjust or unfair, but many times, anger is a ""secondary emotion"", and it's simply there to protect us from other, more vulnerable emotions that we would rather not feel and will do anything to avoid. Discovering what vulnerable emotions you are protecting yourself from is important. Perhaps you feel powerless, or unloved, or unimportant. It may take some time before you recognise this emotion.\'a0Once you do, you can ask yourself about the other times in your life when you have felt that emotion. Where did it originate? At what age did you feel ""too much"" of that feeling...so much so that you can't stand it even in tiny amounts?You will learn in therapy to identify the thoughts you have that are connected to that feeling. They are typically incorrect thoughts, like ""No one lifes me"", or ""People will always hurt me"". Fear tends to generalize and predict bad things that aren't likely.Your habit is so strong that you likely have a poor sense of self-worth and you don't believe people will love you...so you hurt them to keep them at a distance. This happens in a subconscious level. Do you see how that would help you to keep people off balance or afraid or a distance away if you didn't believe in your worth? So, it's backwards really, because you think you're getting mad at people who ""piss you off"", but you're really just not wanting to face how mad you are at yourself.In addition to this work, you can start to purposely treat people more kindly. Find out what respect is, make amends and \'a0resolve to spreading peace. It might sound too simple, but if you act as though you're a person of peace, you will start to feel more peaceful.But I hope you do contact a therapist. It will take time and support to reach your goal.", | "Taking accountability for your actions and seeking help is an excellent first step. I wonder where the anger is coming from. Learning what is at\
the root of it can shed some light on what the problem is and can provide some\
relief in itself. I would also suggest doing some self-exploration and see a\
therapist for individual sessions in order to gain a clearer insight as to what\
the cause is. There are also several actions you can take on your own to help\
control your anger and communicate more effectively.\'a0Here is what I would recommend\
you try:\
Take time outs: When you feel yourself becoming upset, excuse yourself and\
take a time out to either think about the most appropriate course of\
action\'a0or redirect your thoughts all together. Often when we\'a0become\
angry, it is difficult to see the issue clearly, as our emotions\'a0get in\
the way.\'a0\
Do deep breathing exercises: Close your eyes. Breathe in slowly to the\
count of 4. Breathe out even slower to the count of 6. Practice this for about\
5 minutes, 3 times a day and focus on nothing except your breathing during this\
time. Once it becomes routine for you, it will be easier to apply during\
situations in which you are angry or upset.\
Change negative thought patterns: Try and recall or be aware of your\
thoughts, particularly when you are feeling angry. What are these thoughts\
telling you? Are they valid or logical? Is there factual evidence to support\
the negative thoughts? Often the answer is ""no."" Learn to stop the\
negative thoughts and replace them with logical and\'a0more positive\
ones.\'a0\
Communicate effectively: As a speaker, you want to use ""I""\
statements by telling the other person how you feel instead of blaming him/her\
by using ""you"" statements. For example, you might say something such\
as, ""I feel sad when you don't come home at a decent hour and I don't get\
to spend time with you"" versus ""You always stay out late and don't\
even care about me."" The speaker should also avoid using black and white\
language such as always, never, etc. As the listener, you want to validate what\
you hear so that the other person knows that you are listening. You will also want\
to be responsive and offer fair solutions.\
I wish you luck in using these tools and learning about where your anger comes\
from.", |
Why am I dreaming so much?Sometimes times a night. | "As a depth therapist (aka ""psychodynamic practitioner""), I do a lot of dream work with clients; and they gain great insights from our explorations.We remember dreams, I believe, because dreams are messages (always in code) from the unconscious, communicating the crux of unresolved conflict between who we are and who we think we are supposed to be. You might be remembering so many dreams because your conscious mind is ready to hear these messages...and make some internal changes in response.Write them down! You'll be glad you did. A broad cross-section of these these messages will help your therapist help you interpret the meanings of these communications from you to you, and possibly chart your best path forward toward to resolve the cause of psychological symptoms you might be experiencing.", | "Dreams are our chance to make sense of our waking lives.If you've got a lot going on in your life then your dreams are your assistants in understanding these happenings and dynamics.", |
Why am I dreaming so much?Sometimes times a night. | "Dreams are our chance to make sense of our waking lives.If you've got a lot going on in your life then your dreams are your assistants in understanding these happenings and dynamics.", | "That's a\'a0difficult question\'a0to answer.\'a0Dreaming is a normal (and healthy) part of the sleep cycle. The current thought is that we all generally\
experience roughly the same number of dreams - the difference often is just\
whether we remember the dreams or not.An increase in the number or frequency of distressing dreams\
(or nightmares) can be a symptom of stress, anxiety, or PTSD.\'a0 If the dreams are disturbing to you, talking to a local\
counselor could help.\'a0If the dreams themselves\
are not troubling, you may just be remembering them more than most people do.", |
Why am I dreaming so much?Sometimes times a night. | "As a depth therapist (aka ""psychodynamic practitioner""), I do a lot of dream work with clients; and they gain great insights from our explorations.We remember dreams, I believe, because dreams are messages (always in code) from the unconscious, communicating the crux of unresolved conflict between who we are and who we think we are supposed to be. You might be remembering so many dreams because your conscious mind is ready to hear these messages...and make some internal changes in response.Write them down! You'll be glad you did. A broad cross-section of these these messages will help your therapist help you interpret the meanings of these communications from you to you, and possibly chart your best path forward toward to resolve the cause of psychological symptoms you might be experiencing.", | "That's a\'a0difficult question\'a0to answer.\'a0Dreaming is a normal (and healthy) part of the sleep cycle. The current thought is that we all generally\
experience roughly the same number of dreams - the difference often is just\
whether we remember the dreams or not.An increase in the number or frequency of distressing dreams\
(or nightmares) can be a symptom of stress, anxiety, or PTSD.\'a0 If the dreams are disturbing to you, talking to a local\
counselor could help.\'a0If the dreams themselves\
are not troubling, you may just be remembering them more than most people do.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.", | "Piggybacking on the other respondent's suggestions, I also agree that most couples could use more frequent and more bonding communication in their relationships, and this is a GREAT place to get the ball rolling towards reconnecting.Surveying the demographical data on long-term relationships, it's pretty common for couples to start to struggle around the 7-10 year mark and in fact, that's often when first time divorces happen. And for lots of reasons...most of them having something to do with beginning to take one another for granted and no longer doing the little things that nourish the relationship and light our partners up. \'a0Seems like you've encountered this in your own relationship...where he appears to be neglecting your need for emotional connection with him.Doesn't have to be this way though. And from my own personal clinical experience, I can tell you that when even ONE partner is willing to make some small but powerful changes, they can often ripple outward to the other partner and bring about miraculous outcomes!\'a0So my encouragement to you is this - if you're still in love with him...even a little bit...and you're down to try something new, there's hope! \'a0As hard as it may be, I would ask you to try and focus on YOUR own side of the street when approaching him. Use an open and curious approach with him.\'a0Ask him what he thinks he needs in a marriage.\'a0What is it about you he fell in love with?\'a0What helps him feel more fulfilled as a man and as a husband?\'a0What little things that you have done over the years does he appreciate?\'a0Like Sherry said, if you can get him talking, there'll be plenty to work with. We only need a spark to kindle a fire. If he can give you a list, you'll have a blueprint for getting him to reconnect with you and it opens the door for you to offer him little suggestions as well.By the time a couple reaches the point where you're at, there's usually very little fun going on. We've stopped enjoying one another's company. Try and think creatively about some shared experiences he might be willing to do. A picnic? Happy hour? Concerts, museums, cooking class, new sexual behaviors...the list is as infinite as you want it to be!\'a0Some of my favorite suggestions for couples looking to understand how they got here and how to build their way out are:""The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship"" (Ted Talk) by Esther Perel""Getting Together & Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage"" by William & Carleen Glasser""Divorce Busting - A Step By Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again"" by Michelle Weiner-Davis""The Relationship Cure: a 5 step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family, and Friendships"" by John Gottman & Joan DeClaire""The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"" by John Gottman & Nan Silver""The Five Love Languages"" by Gary ChapmanAnd of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest that if you're open to the idea, maybe some individual and/ or couples counseling could be helpful too.My very warmest regards to you,Tamara Powell, LMHC", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "Piggybacking on the other respondent's suggestions, I also agree that most couples could use more frequent and more bonding communication in their relationships, and this is a GREAT place to get the ball rolling towards reconnecting.Surveying the demographical data on long-term relationships, it's pretty common for couples to start to struggle around the 7-10 year mark and in fact, that's often when first time divorces happen. And for lots of reasons...most of them having something to do with beginning to take one another for granted and no longer doing the little things that nourish the relationship and light our partners up. \'a0Seems like you've encountered this in your own relationship...where he appears to be neglecting your need for emotional connection with him.Doesn't have to be this way though. And from my own personal clinical experience, I can tell you that when even ONE partner is willing to make some small but powerful changes, they can often ripple outward to the other partner and bring about miraculous outcomes!\'a0So my encouragement to you is this - if you're still in love with him...even a little bit...and you're down to try something new, there's hope! \'a0As hard as it may be, I would ask you to try and focus on YOUR own side of the street when approaching him. Use an open and curious approach with him.\'a0Ask him what he thinks he needs in a marriage.\'a0What is it about you he fell in love with?\'a0What helps him feel more fulfilled as a man and as a husband?\'a0What little things that you have done over the years does he appreciate?\'a0Like Sherry said, if you can get him talking, there'll be plenty to work with. We only need a spark to kindle a fire. If he can give you a list, you'll have a blueprint for getting him to reconnect with you and it opens the door for you to offer him little suggestions as well.By the time a couple reaches the point where you're at, there's usually very little fun going on. We've stopped enjoying one another's company. Try and think creatively about some shared experiences he might be willing to do. A picnic? Happy hour? Concerts, museums, cooking class, new sexual behaviors...the list is as infinite as you want it to be!\'a0Some of my favorite suggestions for couples looking to understand how they got here and how to build their way out are:""The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship"" (Ted Talk) by Esther Perel""Getting Together & Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage"" by William & Carleen Glasser""Divorce Busting - A Step By Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again"" by Michelle Weiner-Davis""The Relationship Cure: a 5 step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family, and Friendships"" by John Gottman & Joan DeClaire""The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"" by John Gottman & Nan Silver""The Five Love Languages"" by Gary ChapmanAnd of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest that if you're open to the idea, maybe some individual and/ or couples counseling could be helpful too.My very warmest regards to you,Tamara Powell, LMHC", | "I'm sorry for how you're feeling in your marriage lately. \'a0Are you and your husband able to talk directly about your feelings? \'a0The way two people connect is usually by talking with each other to understand what each one cares about and thinks.Your current emotional suffering is the natural result of being married to someone who shows no interest in doing this.If your husband wants to start talking with you, then there is a chance the two of you can reconnect. \'a0If he doesn't want to participate in the relationship with you, then start to think if its possible and for how long, to get emotional support from friends and family who do care for you.Also a question for the future is to understand what the value of your marriage is to you besides having a connection to your husband.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "Piggybacking on the other respondent's suggestions, I also agree that most couples could use more frequent and more bonding communication in their relationships, and this is a GREAT place to get the ball rolling towards reconnecting.Surveying the demographical data on long-term relationships, it's pretty common for couples to start to struggle around the 7-10 year mark and in fact, that's often when first time divorces happen. And for lots of reasons...most of them having something to do with beginning to take one another for granted and no longer doing the little things that nourish the relationship and light our partners up. \'a0Seems like you've encountered this in your own relationship...where he appears to be neglecting your need for emotional connection with him.Doesn't have to be this way though. And from my own personal clinical experience, I can tell you that when even ONE partner is willing to make some small but powerful changes, they can often ripple outward to the other partner and bring about miraculous outcomes!\'a0So my encouragement to you is this - if you're still in love with him...even a little bit...and you're down to try something new, there's hope! \'a0As hard as it may be, I would ask you to try and focus on YOUR own side of the street when approaching him. Use an open and curious approach with him.\'a0Ask him what he thinks he needs in a marriage.\'a0What is it about you he fell in love with?\'a0What helps him feel more fulfilled as a man and as a husband?\'a0What little things that you have done over the years does he appreciate?\'a0Like Sherry said, if you can get him talking, there'll be plenty to work with. We only need a spark to kindle a fire. If he can give you a list, you'll have a blueprint for getting him to reconnect with you and it opens the door for you to offer him little suggestions as well.By the time a couple reaches the point where you're at, there's usually very little fun going on. We've stopped enjoying one another's company. Try and think creatively about some shared experiences he might be willing to do. A picnic? Happy hour? Concerts, museums, cooking class, new sexual behaviors...the list is as infinite as you want it to be!\'a0Some of my favorite suggestions for couples looking to understand how they got here and how to build their way out are:""The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship"" (Ted Talk) by Esther Perel""Getting Together & Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage"" by William & Carleen Glasser""Divorce Busting - A Step By Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again"" by Michelle Weiner-Davis""The Relationship Cure: a 5 step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family, and Friendships"" by John Gottman & Joan DeClaire""The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"" by John Gottman & Nan Silver""The Five Love Languages"" by Gary ChapmanAnd of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest that if you're open to the idea, maybe some individual and/ or couples counseling could be helpful too.My very warmest regards to you,Tamara Powell, LMHC", | "Communication opens up what is called ""cognitive space"" for your partner, and allows them to do the same for you. The more you know about each other, especially your everyday lives, creates a bond between the two of you. Much like the saying goes in the military, the same is true for a couple; ""Complacency Kills"". It is important for both of you to invest in each other on a regular basis. I regularly recommend that both of you take the 5 Love Languages Assessment and start using each other's top love languages to help show each other the positive affection that you feel (or at least want to feel) for one another. Start asking about your husband's day, trying to learn about all the interactions that he has at work, and feel free to ask questions so that he knows you really want to know about him, and know him intimately again.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "Piggybacking on the other respondent's suggestions, I also agree that most couples could use more frequent and more bonding communication in their relationships, and this is a GREAT place to get the ball rolling towards reconnecting.Surveying the demographical data on long-term relationships, it's pretty common for couples to start to struggle around the 7-10 year mark and in fact, that's often when first time divorces happen. And for lots of reasons...most of them having something to do with beginning to take one another for granted and no longer doing the little things that nourish the relationship and light our partners up. \'a0Seems like you've encountered this in your own relationship...where he appears to be neglecting your need for emotional connection with him.Doesn't have to be this way though. And from my own personal clinical experience, I can tell you that when even ONE partner is willing to make some small but powerful changes, they can often ripple outward to the other partner and bring about miraculous outcomes!\'a0So my encouragement to you is this - if you're still in love with him...even a little bit...and you're down to try something new, there's hope! \'a0As hard as it may be, I would ask you to try and focus on YOUR own side of the street when approaching him. Use an open and curious approach with him.\'a0Ask him what he thinks he needs in a marriage.\'a0What is it about you he fell in love with?\'a0What helps him feel more fulfilled as a man and as a husband?\'a0What little things that you have done over the years does he appreciate?\'a0Like Sherry said, if you can get him talking, there'll be plenty to work with. We only need a spark to kindle a fire. If he can give you a list, you'll have a blueprint for getting him to reconnect with you and it opens the door for you to offer him little suggestions as well.By the time a couple reaches the point where you're at, there's usually very little fun going on. We've stopped enjoying one another's company. Try and think creatively about some shared experiences he might be willing to do. A picnic? Happy hour? Concerts, museums, cooking class, new sexual behaviors...the list is as infinite as you want it to be!\'a0Some of my favorite suggestions for couples looking to understand how they got here and how to build their way out are:""The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship"" (Ted Talk) by Esther Perel""Getting Together & Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage"" by William & Carleen Glasser""Divorce Busting - A Step By Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again"" by Michelle Weiner-Davis""The Relationship Cure: a 5 step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family, and Friendships"" by John Gottman & Joan DeClaire""The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"" by John Gottman & Nan Silver""The Five Love Languages"" by Gary ChapmanAnd of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest that if you're open to the idea, maybe some individual and/ or couples counseling could be helpful too.My very warmest regards to you,Tamara Powell, LMHC", | "Feeling alone in your marriage is one of the most painful feelings. Wanting connection with your spouse yet feeling the all too familiar distance that's keeping you apart can be so hurtful. But, change is possible. You might be able to move closer toward each other on your own but since there has been two years of distance, I would suggest looking into couples therapy with a trained couples therapist. They are trained in helping couples begin to examine what's been happening that has caused a drift in your marriage.\'a0I'm also curious if there was a significant event that occurred around the time you started feeling distant. If there was something that occurred during this time that is hard for you both to talk about, couples therapy can help with this also. It can provide a safe and supportive space for you both.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "Piggybacking on the other respondent's suggestions, I also agree that most couples could use more frequent and more bonding communication in their relationships, and this is a GREAT place to get the ball rolling towards reconnecting.Surveying the demographical data on long-term relationships, it's pretty common for couples to start to struggle around the 7-10 year mark and in fact, that's often when first time divorces happen. And for lots of reasons...most of them having something to do with beginning to take one another for granted and no longer doing the little things that nourish the relationship and light our partners up. \'a0Seems like you've encountered this in your own relationship...where he appears to be neglecting your need for emotional connection with him.Doesn't have to be this way though. And from my own personal clinical experience, I can tell you that when even ONE partner is willing to make some small but powerful changes, they can often ripple outward to the other partner and bring about miraculous outcomes!\'a0So my encouragement to you is this - if you're still in love with him...even a little bit...and you're down to try something new, there's hope! \'a0As hard as it may be, I would ask you to try and focus on YOUR own side of the street when approaching him. Use an open and curious approach with him.\'a0Ask him what he thinks he needs in a marriage.\'a0What is it about you he fell in love with?\'a0What helps him feel more fulfilled as a man and as a husband?\'a0What little things that you have done over the years does he appreciate?\'a0Like Sherry said, if you can get him talking, there'll be plenty to work with. We only need a spark to kindle a fire. If he can give you a list, you'll have a blueprint for getting him to reconnect with you and it opens the door for you to offer him little suggestions as well.By the time a couple reaches the point where you're at, there's usually very little fun going on. We've stopped enjoying one another's company. Try and think creatively about some shared experiences he might be willing to do. A picnic? Happy hour? Concerts, museums, cooking class, new sexual behaviors...the list is as infinite as you want it to be!\'a0Some of my favorite suggestions for couples looking to understand how they got here and how to build their way out are:""The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship"" (Ted Talk) by Esther Perel""Getting Together & Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage"" by William & Carleen Glasser""Divorce Busting - A Step By Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again"" by Michelle Weiner-Davis""The Relationship Cure: a 5 step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family, and Friendships"" by John Gottman & Joan DeClaire""The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"" by John Gottman & Nan Silver""The Five Love Languages"" by Gary ChapmanAnd of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest that if you're open to the idea, maybe some individual and/ or couples counseling could be helpful too.My very warmest regards to you,Tamara Powell, LMHC", | "Absolutely. Your question shows that you are going through a lot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Many couples go through this disconnect and hope to come to reconnect before things get to a breaking point. What I think can help is the following:\'a01.) Understand what his primary concern is2.) Understand what your primary concern is3.) What would you like to see different?4.) What would he like to see different?\'a05.) Be honest about your concern with him having friends (Be ready for honesty)6.) Help him understand you feel alone without him feeling guilty.7.) Let him know how committed you are to making this relationship despite the two of you drifting apart.8.) Sometimes if you just acknowledge the elephant in the room.9.) Couples/Marriage Therapy", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "Piggybacking on the other respondent's suggestions, I also agree that most couples could use more frequent and more bonding communication in their relationships, and this is a GREAT place to get the ball rolling towards reconnecting.Surveying the demographical data on long-term relationships, it's pretty common for couples to start to struggle around the 7-10 year mark and in fact, that's often when first time divorces happen. And for lots of reasons...most of them having something to do with beginning to take one another for granted and no longer doing the little things that nourish the relationship and light our partners up. \'a0Seems like you've encountered this in your own relationship...where he appears to be neglecting your need for emotional connection with him.Doesn't have to be this way though. And from my own personal clinical experience, I can tell you that when even ONE partner is willing to make some small but powerful changes, they can often ripple outward to the other partner and bring about miraculous outcomes!\'a0So my encouragement to you is this - if you're still in love with him...even a little bit...and you're down to try something new, there's hope! \'a0As hard as it may be, I would ask you to try and focus on YOUR own side of the street when approaching him. Use an open and curious approach with him.\'a0Ask him what he thinks he needs in a marriage.\'a0What is it about you he fell in love with?\'a0What helps him feel more fulfilled as a man and as a husband?\'a0What little things that you have done over the years does he appreciate?\'a0Like Sherry said, if you can get him talking, there'll be plenty to work with. We only need a spark to kindle a fire. If he can give you a list, you'll have a blueprint for getting him to reconnect with you and it opens the door for you to offer him little suggestions as well.By the time a couple reaches the point where you're at, there's usually very little fun going on. We've stopped enjoying one another's company. Try and think creatively about some shared experiences he might be willing to do. A picnic? Happy hour? Concerts, museums, cooking class, new sexual behaviors...the list is as infinite as you want it to be!\'a0Some of my favorite suggestions for couples looking to understand how they got here and how to build their way out are:""The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship"" (Ted Talk) by Esther Perel""Getting Together & Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage"" by William & Carleen Glasser""Divorce Busting - A Step By Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again"" by Michelle Weiner-Davis""The Relationship Cure: a 5 step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family, and Friendships"" by John Gottman & Joan DeClaire""The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"" by John Gottman & Nan Silver""The Five Love Languages"" by Gary ChapmanAnd of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest that if you're open to the idea, maybe some individual and/ or couples counseling could be helpful too.My very warmest regards to you,Tamara Powell, LMHC", | "What you are describing is something I often refer to as ""living with your roommate"" phenomenon. This is the idea that you feel like you are living with a roommate and no your partner or spouse . It is not uncommon for members of a couple to report to feel both physical and/or emotional distance. When we don't feel connected within relationships, this can be isolating and lonely. The emotional distance often makes us wonder: am I important to the other? These types of feelings need to be better understood in the context of your own background and upbringing I.e., who you are and also better understood in the context of your couple. Feeling reconnected can occur-- but there is not a ""one size fits all"" solutoon. As a first step, do you or your partner have any ideas of how to feel reconnected? Have you considering talking to your partner about the emotional void? Or how about discussing \'a0solutions , together, that might help-- from individual therapy to couple therapy to a weekly date night to inquiring about one another's personal interest to starting off the conversation of what both of you want and can do to re-establish feelings of connectiveness. If this is too frightening I.e., to address the lack of connection between you and your spouse. \'a0a fist meeting with a couple therapist can likely help unpack what the possible solutions for your couple.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "Piggybacking on the other respondent's suggestions, I also agree that most couples could use more frequent and more bonding communication in their relationships, and this is a GREAT place to get the ball rolling towards reconnecting.Surveying the demographical data on long-term relationships, it's pretty common for couples to start to struggle around the 7-10 year mark and in fact, that's often when first time divorces happen. And for lots of reasons...most of them having something to do with beginning to take one another for granted and no longer doing the little things that nourish the relationship and light our partners up. \'a0Seems like you've encountered this in your own relationship...where he appears to be neglecting your need for emotional connection with him.Doesn't have to be this way though. And from my own personal clinical experience, I can tell you that when even ONE partner is willing to make some small but powerful changes, they can often ripple outward to the other partner and bring about miraculous outcomes!\'a0So my encouragement to you is this - if you're still in love with him...even a little bit...and you're down to try something new, there's hope! \'a0As hard as it may be, I would ask you to try and focus on YOUR own side of the street when approaching him. Use an open and curious approach with him.\'a0Ask him what he thinks he needs in a marriage.\'a0What is it about you he fell in love with?\'a0What helps him feel more fulfilled as a man and as a husband?\'a0What little things that you have done over the years does he appreciate?\'a0Like Sherry said, if you can get him talking, there'll be plenty to work with. We only need a spark to kindle a fire. If he can give you a list, you'll have a blueprint for getting him to reconnect with you and it opens the door for you to offer him little suggestions as well.By the time a couple reaches the point where you're at, there's usually very little fun going on. We've stopped enjoying one another's company. Try and think creatively about some shared experiences he might be willing to do. A picnic? Happy hour? Concerts, museums, cooking class, new sexual behaviors...the list is as infinite as you want it to be!\'a0Some of my favorite suggestions for couples looking to understand how they got here and how to build their way out are:""The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship"" (Ted Talk) by Esther Perel""Getting Together & Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage"" by William & Carleen Glasser""Divorce Busting - A Step By Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again"" by Michelle Weiner-Davis""The Relationship Cure: a 5 step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family, and Friendships"" by John Gottman & Joan DeClaire""The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"" by John Gottman & Nan Silver""The Five Love Languages"" by Gary ChapmanAnd of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest that if you're open to the idea, maybe some individual and/ or couples counseling could be helpful too.My very warmest regards to you,Tamara Powell, LMHC", | "I can think of several things that may help you to reconnect. I don't know how much time you actually spend together, but one thing you could try is to spend 15 minutes a week together talking about common interests or other things that make you feel connected.Have you considered a date night or anything (doesn't have to cost a lot of money, but could make each of you feel special)?Something else you could try is to consider talking to each other in a way where you summarize what you are hearing and reflect back to make sure that you got it right rather than just assuming so. Communicating this way can feel awkward at times, but it could reconnect how you are listening and deeply connecting with your partner. Also, you may discover that you are on two different pages about things on which you thought you understood what each other felt, wanted, or desired.Consider what makes your partner feel loved, valued, appreciated, or special. Can you name a few things and get them right according to your partner when you check in? Can he do the same for you?You could also try doing two things every day that would be appreciated by your partner without either of you having to ask for it. There is some more information here, although what you do for one another does not necessarily need to be on this list:\'a0 |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.", | "I'm sorry for how you're feeling in your marriage lately. \'a0Are you and your husband able to talk directly about your feelings? \'a0The way two people connect is usually by talking with each other to understand what each one cares about and thinks.Your current emotional suffering is the natural result of being married to someone who shows no interest in doing this.If your husband wants to start talking with you, then there is a chance the two of you can reconnect. \'a0If he doesn't want to participate in the relationship with you, then start to think if its possible and for how long, to get emotional support from friends and family who do care for you.Also a question for the future is to understand what the value of your marriage is to you besides having a connection to your husband.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.", | "Communication opens up what is called ""cognitive space"" for your partner, and allows them to do the same for you. The more you know about each other, especially your everyday lives, creates a bond between the two of you. Much like the saying goes in the military, the same is true for a couple; ""Complacency Kills"". It is important for both of you to invest in each other on a regular basis. I regularly recommend that both of you take the 5 Love Languages Assessment and start using each other's top love languages to help show each other the positive affection that you feel (or at least want to feel) for one another. Start asking about your husband's day, trying to learn about all the interactions that he has at work, and feel free to ask questions so that he knows you really want to know about him, and know him intimately again.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.", | "Feeling alone in your marriage is one of the most painful feelings. Wanting connection with your spouse yet feeling the all too familiar distance that's keeping you apart can be so hurtful. But, change is possible. You might be able to move closer toward each other on your own but since there has been two years of distance, I would suggest looking into couples therapy with a trained couples therapist. They are trained in helping couples begin to examine what's been happening that has caused a drift in your marriage.\'a0I'm also curious if there was a significant event that occurred around the time you started feeling distant. If there was something that occurred during this time that is hard for you both to talk about, couples therapy can help with this also. It can provide a safe and supportive space for you both.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.", | "Absolutely. Your question shows that you are going through a lot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Many couples go through this disconnect and hope to come to reconnect before things get to a breaking point. What I think can help is the following:\'a01.) Understand what his primary concern is2.) Understand what your primary concern is3.) What would you like to see different?4.) What would he like to see different?\'a05.) Be honest about your concern with him having friends (Be ready for honesty)6.) Help him understand you feel alone without him feeling guilty.7.) Let him know how committed you are to making this relationship despite the two of you drifting apart.8.) Sometimes if you just acknowledge the elephant in the room.9.) Couples/Marriage Therapy", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.", | "What you are describing is something I often refer to as ""living with your roommate"" phenomenon. This is the idea that you feel like you are living with a roommate and no your partner or spouse . It is not uncommon for members of a couple to report to feel both physical and/or emotional distance. When we don't feel connected within relationships, this can be isolating and lonely. The emotional distance often makes us wonder: am I important to the other? These types of feelings need to be better understood in the context of your own background and upbringing I.e., who you are and also better understood in the context of your couple. Feeling reconnected can occur-- but there is not a ""one size fits all"" solutoon. As a first step, do you or your partner have any ideas of how to feel reconnected? Have you considering talking to your partner about the emotional void? Or how about discussing \'a0solutions , together, that might help-- from individual therapy to couple therapy to a weekly date night to inquiring about one another's personal interest to starting off the conversation of what both of you want and can do to re-establish feelings of connectiveness. If this is too frightening I.e., to address the lack of connection between you and your spouse. \'a0a fist meeting with a couple therapist can likely help unpack what the possible solutions for your couple.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.", | "I can think of several things that may help you to reconnect. I don't know how much time you actually spend together, but one thing you could try is to spend 15 minutes a week together talking about common interests or other things that make you feel connected.Have you considered a date night or anything (doesn't have to cost a lot of money, but could make each of you feel special)?Something else you could try is to consider talking to each other in a way where you summarize what you are hearing and reflect back to make sure that you got it right rather than just assuming so. Communicating this way can feel awkward at times, but it could reconnect how you are listening and deeply connecting with your partner. Also, you may discover that you are on two different pages about things on which you thought you understood what each other felt, wanted, or desired.Consider what makes your partner feel loved, valued, appreciated, or special. Can you name a few things and get them right according to your partner when you check in? Can he do the same for you?You could also try doing two things every day that would be appreciated by your partner without either of you having to ask for it. There is some more information here, although what you do for one another does not necessarily need to be on this list:\'a0 |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "I'm sorry for how you're feeling in your marriage lately. \'a0Are you and your husband able to talk directly about your feelings? \'a0The way two people connect is usually by talking with each other to understand what each one cares about and thinks.Your current emotional suffering is the natural result of being married to someone who shows no interest in doing this.If your husband wants to start talking with you, then there is a chance the two of you can reconnect. \'a0If he doesn't want to participate in the relationship with you, then start to think if its possible and for how long, to get emotional support from friends and family who do care for you.Also a question for the future is to understand what the value of your marriage is to you besides having a connection to your husband.", | "Communication opens up what is called ""cognitive space"" for your partner, and allows them to do the same for you. The more you know about each other, especially your everyday lives, creates a bond between the two of you. Much like the saying goes in the military, the same is true for a couple; ""Complacency Kills"". It is important for both of you to invest in each other on a regular basis. I regularly recommend that both of you take the 5 Love Languages Assessment and start using each other's top love languages to help show each other the positive affection that you feel (or at least want to feel) for one another. Start asking about your husband's day, trying to learn about all the interactions that he has at work, and feel free to ask questions so that he knows you really want to know about him, and know him intimately again.", |
I feel completely alone in my marriage"I have been married for years. Within the past years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?" | "I'm sorry for how you're feeling in your marriage lately. \'a0Are you and your husband able to talk directly about your feelings? \'a0The way two people connect is usually by talking with each other to understand what each one cares about and thinks.Your current emotional suffering is the natural result of being married to someone who shows no interest in doing this.If your husband wants to start talking with you, then there is a chance the two of you can reconnect. \'a0If he doesn't want to participate in the relationship with you, then start to think if its possible and for how long, to get emotional support from friends and family who do care for you.Also a question for the future is to understand what the value of your marriage is to you besides having a connection to your husband.", | "Feeling alone in your marriage is one of the most painful feelings. Wanting connection with your spouse yet feeling the all too familiar distance that's keeping you apart can be so hurtful. But, change is possible. You might be able to move closer toward each other on your own but since there has been two years of distance, I would suggest looking into couples therapy with a trained couples therapist. They are trained in helping couples begin to examine what's been happening that has caused a drift in your marriage.\'a0I'm also curious if there was a significant event that occurred around the time you started feeling distant. If there was something that occurred during this time that is hard for you both to talk about, couples therapy can help with this also. It can provide a safe and supportive space for you both.", |
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