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"I'm soon to be married and I've been messing around with others""I\'m a man and I\'m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing but it\'s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do." | "Good for you to bring up this situation for addressing, especially \'a0before you and your partner are married and have all the legal responsibilities of married life.You gave yourself the biggest clue as to where to start solving this problem.Since you don't know what to do, then for right now postpone your wedding date.Whether your drive toward other men relates to feeling sexually unfulfilled with your fianc\'e9, or you're not as willing to commit to your fianc\'e9 as you imagined yourself to be, or there are other relationship problems not being addressed with your fianc\'e9, these need to be identified and understood.Since marriage is a commitment of one's life to another person's life, then without the willingness to commit you are almost guaranteeing future problems in the upcoming marriage.", | "I would start by examining the reasons for seeking out other relationships. Are you getting something from the other men that you do not currently receive from your current partner? Such as,\'a0is it\'a0more exciting with others and that excitement is lacking in your current relationship?", |
"I'm soon to be married and I've been messing around with others""I\'m a man and I\'m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing but it\'s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do." | "Good for you to bring up this situation for addressing, especially \'a0before you and your partner are married and have all the legal responsibilities of married life.You gave yourself the biggest clue as to where to start solving this problem.Since you don't know what to do, then for right now postpone your wedding date.Whether your drive toward other men relates to feeling sexually unfulfilled with your fianc\'e9, or you're not as willing to commit to your fianc\'e9 as you imagined yourself to be, or there are other relationship problems not being addressed with your fianc\'e9, these need to be identified and understood.Since marriage is a commitment of one's life to another person's life, then without the willingness to commit you are almost guaranteeing future problems in the upcoming marriage.", | "Divorce is expensive emotionally and financially. If your fiance is not ok with an open marriage, it would be a good idea to seek the help of a counselor before you get married.", |
"I'm soon to be married and I've been messing around with others""I\'m a man and I\'m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing but it\'s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do." | "Good for you to bring up this situation for addressing, especially \'a0before you and your partner are married and have all the legal responsibilities of married life.You gave yourself the biggest clue as to where to start solving this problem.Since you don't know what to do, then for right now postpone your wedding date.Whether your drive toward other men relates to feeling sexually unfulfilled with your fianc\'e9, or you're not as willing to commit to your fianc\'e9 as you imagined yourself to be, or there are other relationship problems not being addressed with your fianc\'e9, these need to be identified and understood.Since marriage is a commitment of one's life to another person's life, then without the willingness to commit you are almost guaranteeing future problems in the upcoming marriage.", | "If you are happy with the person that you are about to be married to and are also enjoying time with other men, it could be possible that you are attracted to people of more than one gender.Having said that, some people have feelings toward people of more than one gender that are not really related to romance or attraction, but any number of other feelings, such as trust and communication. I don't know whether your use of the phrase ""messing around"" was related specifically to being romantically or sexually involved with the people who you are or referring to or if you are saying that you are enjoying spending time with them. These terms have different definitions for almost everyone.I would definitely recommend speaking with a local mental health practitioner in your area, not because there is anything wrong about the way you are feeling, but because there are a lot of different parts of what is happening in your life right now and it may be helpful to talk about the feelings and thoughts with someone who can help you to learn more about yourself and the people are most important in your life (yourself included).I also suggest looking at a few things that you love and appreciate about yourself.", |
"I'm soon to be married and I've been messing around with others""I\'m a man and I\'m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing but it\'s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do." | "I would start by examining the reasons for seeking out other relationships. Are you getting something from the other men that you do not currently receive from your current partner? Such as,\'a0is it\'a0more exciting with others and that excitement is lacking in your current relationship?", | "Divorce is expensive emotionally and financially. If your fiance is not ok with an open marriage, it would be a good idea to seek the help of a counselor before you get married.", |
"I'm soon to be married and I've been messing around with others""I\'m a man and I\'m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing but it\'s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do." | "I would start by examining the reasons for seeking out other relationships. Are you getting something from the other men that you do not currently receive from your current partner? Such as,\'a0is it\'a0more exciting with others and that excitement is lacking in your current relationship?", | "If you are happy with the person that you are about to be married to and are also enjoying time with other men, it could be possible that you are attracted to people of more than one gender.Having said that, some people have feelings toward people of more than one gender that are not really related to romance or attraction, but any number of other feelings, such as trust and communication. I don't know whether your use of the phrase ""messing around"" was related specifically to being romantically or sexually involved with the people who you are or referring to or if you are saying that you are enjoying spending time with them. These terms have different definitions for almost everyone.I would definitely recommend speaking with a local mental health practitioner in your area, not because there is anything wrong about the way you are feeling, but because there are a lot of different parts of what is happening in your life right now and it may be helpful to talk about the feelings and thoughts with someone who can help you to learn more about yourself and the people are most important in your life (yourself included).I also suggest looking at a few things that you love and appreciate about yourself.", |
"I'm soon to be married and I've been messing around with others""I\'m a man and I\'m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing but it\'s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do." | "Divorce is expensive emotionally and financially. If your fiance is not ok with an open marriage, it would be a good idea to seek the help of a counselor before you get married.", | "If you are happy with the person that you are about to be married to and are also enjoying time with other men, it could be possible that you are attracted to people of more than one gender.Having said that, some people have feelings toward people of more than one gender that are not really related to romance or attraction, but any number of other feelings, such as trust and communication. I don't know whether your use of the phrase ""messing around"" was related specifically to being romantically or sexually involved with the people who you are or referring to or if you are saying that you are enjoying spending time with them. These terms have different definitions for almost everyone.I would definitely recommend speaking with a local mental health practitioner in your area, not because there is anything wrong about the way you are feeling, but because there are a lot of different parts of what is happening in your life right now and it may be helpful to talk about the feelings and thoughts with someone who can help you to learn more about yourself and the people are most important in your life (yourself included).I also suggest looking at a few things that you love and appreciate about yourself.", |
My friend had lied about every aspect of her life\'what do I do?"She has lied about every aspect of her life. She's created three fake relationships. The most recent one is concerning because she has fake photos phone calls and text messages and it\'s with a married man with kids. Her lying is becoming dangerous because she could ruin lives." | "Have an honest and open conversation with her about how her behavior is negatively impacting you ( and others). \'a0You will feel good knowing you did the right thing.", | "To be honest, I think more information would be really important here because what you are asking could have a lot of different meanings. Consider making an appointment with a local therapist to discuss what you are going through.", |
How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?"When my boyfriend gets in a snit he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong I get nothing: no reply no phone call. If he does reply it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes." | "This has to be very difficult to endure.It's pretty common for members of a couple to have different ways of resolving conflict. Very often, one person wants to deal with the conflict right away or shortly thereafter and the other person wants to wait. One thing that sometimes works is to consider having a conversation when you are not upset with one another about taking some sort of timeout and setting a timeframe for something like ""I cannot talk about this now, but we can talk about it in two hours.""My best guess is that your boyfriend is triggered by some previous relationship, either romantic or in childhood. If he is aware of something that he thinks or feels when you ask him to resolve conflict or to discuss it, it would be good to know what that is. It could even be that he's learned to handle conflict that way.Something else you could try is to have a conversation where you each discuss what is acceptable for what is acceptable for each of you during an argument and what is not. These sorts of discussions can be very difficult and you may benefit from working through them with a mental health professional who has some experience working with couples.As far as what you can do now, perhaps you can remind yourself that these things have worked out before, that you love him and believe that he loves you, or some other statements that are true for you. You may also consider finding ways to soothe yourself. For example, you may find that you like certain outdoor activities or reading a certain type of book or something else that gives you pleasure.", | "As you say, if he does reply it is hurtful. But, if he doesn't reply, it sounds like it's just as hurtful (though more in my opinion in terms of the longer-range effects on the relationship). The behavior he is exhibiting would easily pass for ""passive-aggression,"" as it is manipulative and controlling through passive withdrawal behaviors. And I can assure you that you are not alone in struggling with how to deal with it. So many do, and that's why it gets done so often, because it can. For example, if you push for connection, he stonewalls even more. You probably become more distressed.Frankly, if you and your boyfriend were sitting on my couch in therapy, I'd likely say that the behavior needs to stop in order for the relationship to continue, because of how severe it sounds (an hour of withdrawal because someone can't deal is reasonable, as everyone can shut down from time to time, but this feels extreme and is extremely hurtful to you.) I might even say to him that the behavior needs to stop if he ever wants to be in a healthy, loving, connected relationship. Because the amount that you describe him disconnecting severely hurts trust and security. One of the first ""change events"" in Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy is for the person doing the withdrawing to be able to use words and communication to help the partner understand what they are experiencing, so the burden does fall more on him at the beginning. It becomes the partner's job to tolerate though whatever his experience is.There is no one ""tried and true"" solution to working with passive-aggression, but I would most advise limit-setting (like I would do in our session). In one way, shape, or form, in order for the behavior to stop, there has to be consequences to it. The more you tolerate it and allow him to come back to you when he's done with his silent tantrum, the more you encourage the behavior because he is getting what he wants.", |
How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?"When my boyfriend gets in a snit he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong I get nothing: no reply no phone call. If he does reply it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes." | "This has to be very difficult to endure.It's pretty common for members of a couple to have different ways of resolving conflict. Very often, one person wants to deal with the conflict right away or shortly thereafter and the other person wants to wait. One thing that sometimes works is to consider having a conversation when you are not upset with one another about taking some sort of timeout and setting a timeframe for something like ""I cannot talk about this now, but we can talk about it in two hours.""My best guess is that your boyfriend is triggered by some previous relationship, either romantic or in childhood. If he is aware of something that he thinks or feels when you ask him to resolve conflict or to discuss it, it would be good to know what that is. It could even be that he's learned to handle conflict that way.Something else you could try is to have a conversation where you each discuss what is acceptable for what is acceptable for each of you during an argument and what is not. These sorts of discussions can be very difficult and you may benefit from working through them with a mental health professional who has some experience working with couples.As far as what you can do now, perhaps you can remind yourself that these things have worked out before, that you love him and believe that he loves you, or some other statements that are true for you. You may also consider finding ways to soothe yourself. For example, you may find that you like certain outdoor activities or reading a certain type of book or something else that gives you pleasure.", | "Try during a good moment between you to tell him you'd like to talk over something about your relationship and that you'd like to set a time with him to do so.When a person shuts down and withdraws, the only choice is to withdraw yourself. \'a0 If this continues on a regular basis, after a while the two of you will become increasingly distant and have developed the very unhappy habit of not clearing the air between the two of you.Good for you to recognize a problem and be willing to address it!", |
How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?"When my boyfriend gets in a snit he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong I get nothing: no reply no phone call. If he does reply it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes." | "This has to be very difficult to endure.It's pretty common for members of a couple to have different ways of resolving conflict. Very often, one person wants to deal with the conflict right away or shortly thereafter and the other person wants to wait. One thing that sometimes works is to consider having a conversation when you are not upset with one another about taking some sort of timeout and setting a timeframe for something like ""I cannot talk about this now, but we can talk about it in two hours.""My best guess is that your boyfriend is triggered by some previous relationship, either romantic or in childhood. If he is aware of something that he thinks or feels when you ask him to resolve conflict or to discuss it, it would be good to know what that is. It could even be that he's learned to handle conflict that way.Something else you could try is to have a conversation where you each discuss what is acceptable for what is acceptable for each of you during an argument and what is not. These sorts of discussions can be very difficult and you may benefit from working through them with a mental health professional who has some experience working with couples.As far as what you can do now, perhaps you can remind yourself that these things have worked out before, that you love him and believe that he loves you, or some other statements that are true for you. You may also consider finding ways to soothe yourself. For example, you may find that you like certain outdoor activities or reading a certain type of book or something else that gives you pleasure.", | "This sounds very hurtful for you to be on the receiving end of this. You can ask yourself "" what am I learning from the way I am being treated? "" \'a0and consider whether or not this is in fact either (1) \'a0A message or value that you agree with and believe will strengthen your relationship and help you to grow as a person or (2) \'a0A message or value that is damaging to the relationship or \'a0to your view of your self and others. \'a0Once you've considered that and come to your own conclusion, you will likely know what you need to do. \'a0If you're still stuck, you may want to consider seeing an individual therapist for yourself \'a0to process your feelings about the relationship or a couples therapist with your partner to work on improving your communication with each other.", |
How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?"When my boyfriend gets in a snit he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong I get nothing: no reply no phone call. If he does reply it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes." | "Try during a good moment between you to tell him you'd like to talk over something about your relationship and that you'd like to set a time with him to do so.When a person shuts down and withdraws, the only choice is to withdraw yourself. \'a0 If this continues on a regular basis, after a while the two of you will become increasingly distant and have developed the very unhappy habit of not clearing the air between the two of you.Good for you to recognize a problem and be willing to address it!", | "As you say, if he does reply it is hurtful. But, if he doesn't reply, it sounds like it's just as hurtful (though more in my opinion in terms of the longer-range effects on the relationship). The behavior he is exhibiting would easily pass for ""passive-aggression,"" as it is manipulative and controlling through passive withdrawal behaviors. And I can assure you that you are not alone in struggling with how to deal with it. So many do, and that's why it gets done so often, because it can. For example, if you push for connection, he stonewalls even more. You probably become more distressed.Frankly, if you and your boyfriend were sitting on my couch in therapy, I'd likely say that the behavior needs to stop in order for the relationship to continue, because of how severe it sounds (an hour of withdrawal because someone can't deal is reasonable, as everyone can shut down from time to time, but this feels extreme and is extremely hurtful to you.) I might even say to him that the behavior needs to stop if he ever wants to be in a healthy, loving, connected relationship. Because the amount that you describe him disconnecting severely hurts trust and security. One of the first ""change events"" in Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy is for the person doing the withdrawing to be able to use words and communication to help the partner understand what they are experiencing, so the burden does fall more on him at the beginning. It becomes the partner's job to tolerate though whatever his experience is.There is no one ""tried and true"" solution to working with passive-aggression, but I would most advise limit-setting (like I would do in our session). In one way, shape, or form, in order for the behavior to stop, there has to be consequences to it. The more you tolerate it and allow him to come back to you when he's done with his silent tantrum, the more you encourage the behavior because he is getting what he wants.", |
How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?"When my boyfriend gets in a snit he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong I get nothing: no reply no phone call. If he does reply it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes." | "As you say, if he does reply it is hurtful. But, if he doesn't reply, it sounds like it's just as hurtful (though more in my opinion in terms of the longer-range effects on the relationship). The behavior he is exhibiting would easily pass for ""passive-aggression,"" as it is manipulative and controlling through passive withdrawal behaviors. And I can assure you that you are not alone in struggling with how to deal with it. So many do, and that's why it gets done so often, because it can. For example, if you push for connection, he stonewalls even more. You probably become more distressed.Frankly, if you and your boyfriend were sitting on my couch in therapy, I'd likely say that the behavior needs to stop in order for the relationship to continue, because of how severe it sounds (an hour of withdrawal because someone can't deal is reasonable, as everyone can shut down from time to time, but this feels extreme and is extremely hurtful to you.) I might even say to him that the behavior needs to stop if he ever wants to be in a healthy, loving, connected relationship. Because the amount that you describe him disconnecting severely hurts trust and security. One of the first ""change events"" in Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy is for the person doing the withdrawing to be able to use words and communication to help the partner understand what they are experiencing, so the burden does fall more on him at the beginning. It becomes the partner's job to tolerate though whatever his experience is.There is no one ""tried and true"" solution to working with passive-aggression, but I would most advise limit-setting (like I would do in our session). In one way, shape, or form, in order for the behavior to stop, there has to be consequences to it. The more you tolerate it and allow him to come back to you when he's done with his silent tantrum, the more you encourage the behavior because he is getting what he wants.", | "This sounds very hurtful for you to be on the receiving end of this. You can ask yourself "" what am I learning from the way I am being treated? "" \'a0and consider whether or not this is in fact either (1) \'a0A message or value that you agree with and believe will strengthen your relationship and help you to grow as a person or (2) \'a0A message or value that is damaging to the relationship or \'a0to your view of your self and others. \'a0Once you've considered that and come to your own conclusion, you will likely know what you need to do. \'a0If you're still stuck, you may want to consider seeing an individual therapist for yourself \'a0to process your feelings about the relationship or a couples therapist with your partner to work on improving your communication with each other.", |
How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?"When my boyfriend gets in a snit he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong I get nothing: no reply no phone call. If he does reply it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes." | "Try during a good moment between you to tell him you'd like to talk over something about your relationship and that you'd like to set a time with him to do so.When a person shuts down and withdraws, the only choice is to withdraw yourself. \'a0 If this continues on a regular basis, after a while the two of you will become increasingly distant and have developed the very unhappy habit of not clearing the air between the two of you.Good for you to recognize a problem and be willing to address it!", | "This sounds very hurtful for you to be on the receiving end of this. You can ask yourself "" what am I learning from the way I am being treated? "" \'a0and consider whether or not this is in fact either (1) \'a0A message or value that you agree with and believe will strengthen your relationship and help you to grow as a person or (2) \'a0A message or value that is damaging to the relationship or \'a0to your view of your self and others. \'a0Once you've considered that and come to your own conclusion, you will likely know what you need to do. \'a0If you're still stuck, you may want to consider seeing an individual therapist for yourself \'a0to process your feelings about the relationship or a couples therapist with your partner to work on improving your communication with each other.", |
Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?I'm and my girlfriend is . Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under ? | "You wrote that each of you is under the age of 18. \'a0 A 15 year old cannot be a pedophile because you're not an adult.Also, if you mean ""girlfriend"" in a romantic way then this makes sense bc romantic relationships include physical attraction to the other person.", | "Nope! In fact you are NOT a pedophile. That term is reserved for older adolescents attracted to children, or adults who are attracted to children. I see an age difference as being one key factor in determining pedophilia if the older person is still in adolescence. You being only a year older than your girlfriend doesn't qualify, so go right ahead and be attracted to your girlfriend without shame!", |
Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?I'm and my girlfriend is . Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under ? | "No. You are not a pedophile. You are both under the appropriate age where it would be seen so. Your both only a year a part so this shouldn't a worry to you. Like Frank said below, Pedophelia is a problem that won't apply to this situation.", | "Nope! In fact you are NOT a pedophile. That term is reserved for older adolescents attracted to children, or adults who are attracted to children. I see an age difference as being one key factor in determining pedophilia if the older person is still in adolescence. You being only a year older than your girlfriend doesn't qualify, so go right ahead and be attracted to your girlfriend without shame!", |
Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?I'm and my girlfriend is . Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under ? | "Nope! In fact you are NOT a pedophile. That term is reserved for older adolescents attracted to children, or adults who are attracted to children. I see an age difference as being one key factor in determining pedophilia if the older person is still in adolescence. You being only a year older than your girlfriend doesn't qualify, so go right ahead and be attracted to your girlfriend without shame!", | "No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. ""Wrong"" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you.\'a0You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.", |
Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?I'm and my girlfriend is . Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under ? | "No. You are not a pedophile. You are both under the appropriate age where it would be seen so. Your both only a year a part so this shouldn't a worry to you. Like Frank said below, Pedophelia is a problem that won't apply to this situation.", | "You wrote that each of you is under the age of 18. \'a0 A 15 year old cannot be a pedophile because you're not an adult.Also, if you mean ""girlfriend"" in a romantic way then this makes sense bc romantic relationships include physical attraction to the other person.", |
Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?I'm and my girlfriend is . Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under ? | "You wrote that each of you is under the age of 18. \'a0 A 15 year old cannot be a pedophile because you're not an adult.Also, if you mean ""girlfriend"" in a romantic way then this makes sense bc romantic relationships include physical attraction to the other person.", | "No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. ""Wrong"" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you.\'a0You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.", |
Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?I'm and my girlfriend is . Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under ? | "No. You are not a pedophile. You are both under the appropriate age where it would be seen so. Your both only a year a part so this shouldn't a worry to you. Like Frank said below, Pedophelia is a problem that won't apply to this situation.", | "No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. ""Wrong"" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you.\'a0You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.", |
How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?"I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?" | "Keep doing the crossdressing since you like it.Your problem sounds more a matter of timing and reason to tell the girl about it.Not keeping a secret is a good attitude regarding meaningful parts of your life. \'a0Usually our relationship partner is someone whom we trust as a safe person to know all about us.Once you feel at ease with your potential partner then bring up your crossdressing. \'a0Based on their handling of this intimate part of your life, you will know more as to whether or not you feel more or less drawn to them.Secrets held within a relationship usually get worse with time. \'a0 The person who feels unsafe in truly being and stating themselves eventually will end up feeling ashamed of parts of them which prior to the relationship, felt good or at least not worrisome.", | "It would be my professional opinion that the desire for you to keep it a secret at all, while yes I could see it as ""giving you a chance with a girl,"" is something that might be more about a discomfort for you. If you are comfortable with your kinks and fetishes (if I may call it such, not my intention to pathologize in any way though), then be as open as you want to be. But I also don't know that you need to be announcing it as part of your online dating profile (because you do say it ""bothers girls I ask out"" which to me implies that that is what you're leading with.) My hope is that people don't make dating decisions based on your kinky behaviors, but more likely that they would make decisions based on your own comfort and security with said kinky behaviors.", |
How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?"I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?" | "Keep doing the crossdressing since you like it.Your problem sounds more a matter of timing and reason to tell the girl about it.Not keeping a secret is a good attitude regarding meaningful parts of your life. \'a0Usually our relationship partner is someone whom we trust as a safe person to know all about us.Once you feel at ease with your potential partner then bring up your crossdressing. \'a0Based on their handling of this intimate part of your life, you will know more as to whether or not you feel more or less drawn to them.Secrets held within a relationship usually get worse with time. \'a0 The person who feels unsafe in truly being and stating themselves eventually will end up feeling ashamed of parts of them which prior to the relationship, felt good or at least not worrisome.", | "Your happiness and healthiness is key.\'a0 I would not suggest that you hold back and keep it a secret.\'a0 You should be up-front about it, but perhaps gently bring it up on a date.\'a0 When thinking about whether or not you should stop, think about how it makes you feel.\'a0 Perhaps try to be social at more accepting affirming locations in your area.\'a0 The people who will accept you for who you are are out there.\'a0 You may not be looking in all of the places you have available to you.", |
How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?"I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?" | "Keep doing the crossdressing since you like it.Your problem sounds more a matter of timing and reason to tell the girl about it.Not keeping a secret is a good attitude regarding meaningful parts of your life. \'a0Usually our relationship partner is someone whom we trust as a safe person to know all about us.Once you feel at ease with your potential partner then bring up your crossdressing. \'a0Based on their handling of this intimate part of your life, you will know more as to whether or not you feel more or less drawn to them.Secrets held within a relationship usually get worse with time. \'a0 The person who feels unsafe in truly being and stating themselves eventually will end up feeling ashamed of parts of them which prior to the relationship, felt good or at least not worrisome.", | "While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself. \'a0It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can.", |
How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?"I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?" | "It would be my professional opinion that the desire for you to keep it a secret at all, while yes I could see it as ""giving you a chance with a girl,"" is something that might be more about a discomfort for you. If you are comfortable with your kinks and fetishes (if I may call it such, not my intention to pathologize in any way though), then be as open as you want to be. But I also don't know that you need to be announcing it as part of your online dating profile (because you do say it ""bothers girls I ask out"" which to me implies that that is what you're leading with.) My hope is that people don't make dating decisions based on your kinky behaviors, but more likely that they would make decisions based on your own comfort and security with said kinky behaviors.", | "Your happiness and healthiness is key.\'a0 I would not suggest that you hold back and keep it a secret.\'a0 You should be up-front about it, but perhaps gently bring it up on a date.\'a0 When thinking about whether or not you should stop, think about how it makes you feel.\'a0 Perhaps try to be social at more accepting affirming locations in your area.\'a0 The people who will accept you for who you are are out there.\'a0 You may not be looking in all of the places you have available to you.", |
How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?"I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?" | "It would be my professional opinion that the desire for you to keep it a secret at all, while yes I could see it as ""giving you a chance with a girl,"" is something that might be more about a discomfort for you. If you are comfortable with your kinks and fetishes (if I may call it such, not my intention to pathologize in any way though), then be as open as you want to be. But I also don't know that you need to be announcing it as part of your online dating profile (because you do say it ""bothers girls I ask out"" which to me implies that that is what you're leading with.) My hope is that people don't make dating decisions based on your kinky behaviors, but more likely that they would make decisions based on your own comfort and security with said kinky behaviors.", | "While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself. \'a0It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can.", |
How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?"I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?" | "Your happiness and healthiness is key.\'a0 I would not suggest that you hold back and keep it a secret.\'a0 You should be up-front about it, but perhaps gently bring it up on a date.\'a0 When thinking about whether or not you should stop, think about how it makes you feel.\'a0 Perhaps try to be social at more accepting affirming locations in your area.\'a0 The people who will accept you for who you are are out there.\'a0 You may not be looking in all of the places you have available to you.", | "While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself. \'a0It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can.", |
My husband was lying about drinking again"My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back ( years ago) I asked him to stop drinking so much and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately my husband has been drinking on and off but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year\'s resolution we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board\'no more drinking every night.\
The other night I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days but tonight I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks he snores and I cannot sleep\'it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep leaving him on the couch. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard." | "It can be very frustrating being lied to. \'a0The one thing that struck me was the sentence he had a alcohol addiction ""in the past."" \'a0Addiction is not something that comes and goes. \'a0Once you have addict tendencies they are here to stay. \'a0You may be able to fight them off for awhile but the will enviably rear their ugly head again. \'a0Some of the things that we would suggest is taking the access away. \'a0If the alcohol is not conveniently in the house he would have to go seek it out elsewhere. \'a0You can think about it in other terms. \'a0If chocolate cake was your favorite food and you were a diabetic, you would not have chocolate cake lying around all the time because you know you would eventually eat it. \'a0Remember there are no temporary addicts.", | "Hi Los Angeles,So your husband is giving you mixed messages. He says he's willing to cut back on the drinking, but he drinks and hides it. His behaviour is passive aggressive and immature, which puts you into this position of having to act like a disapproving parent. It sounds more like you're talking about an out-of-control teenager than your partner.\'a0Your husband's lying is sending a message. ""I get to make my own decisions and you can't stop me"" might be it. Underneath that, maybe it's ""I want to stop but I'm ashamed that I can't and I don't want you to see my failures"". Ultimately, as an adult, he gets to decide what he puts in his mouth and if you try to manage that by monitoring how many beers he has, you are pretty certain to get some fallout... pushback...backlash... \'a0How does his drinking affect you? That's where your voice has power, rather than in counting his beers or setting him up to lie (when he's passed out, asking if he's been drinking seems confusing). You've mentioned snoring, which I guess is a legitimate complaint. If he's passing out, that's a legitimate complaint. When he drinks does he drive, act aggressively, or 'check out of' the relationship (avoid you)? All of these things are legitimate concerns, and I'd stick to talking about those rather than counting beers. My guess is he has few other ways to cope with stress, so he checks out with alcohol, and it also helps him avoid your relationship. But the problem is it makes it worse; the more he avoids you, then more you chase him with your questions.There's a conversation that would be helpful here. \'a0It sounds like ""I've tried to support you in your drinking less, and it's not working. What are your goals for alcohol and how can I support you in that more effectively?"" I'd like to see you in a place where you're not micromanaging his drinking, but focusing on the things that affect you. What concrete supportive methods can you use with his agreement? Can we get the alcohol out of the house? Is he willing to seek treatment?\'a0Lay your expectations out really clearly. ""I won't count your beers, but I can't tolerate lying"". You have to decide what's more important; is it really the number of beers, or is it something else. What do you need to happen in order to want to remain in the marriage? What does he need? Does he let you know what isn't okay with him? He might have trouble saying these things.\'a0The drinking is only a part of the complex dynamic in your marriage. A qualified therapist can assist in pulling this apart, understanding it, and changing the way you relate to each other.", |
Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it? | "This is something I have\
had to address with individuals often since working with couples is one of my\
practice's focuses. \'a0The answer can depend upon several reasons all which\
tend to be explored while in session. \'a0If you or your counselor utilizes\
an integral approach, in which one of the main premises makes sure to check the\
four irreducible perspectives (subjective, intersubjective, objective and\
interobjective \'96 also known as the four quadrants) in determining where the\
challenges are, it then becomes possible to identify what might be contributing\
to or causing the challenge as well as offering up ways to address the\
situation.In this case, from the upper-right\
or behavioral and physical perspective, we would want to make sure there is no\
physical limitation or ailment meaning that you would need to visit your doctor\
and have the basics checked (such as blood pressure.\'a0 We would also look at particular behaviors to\
see if you are doing something with is effecting performance (such as\
masturbating often or being influenced by pornography).\'a0Next we would look at the\
upper left quadrant (thoughts, cognitions, identity, feelings) to look at what\
is going on here both during sexual activities and at other times.\'a0 If you are worried about your job, your\
family or under immense pressure to perform at work or while intimate, this can\
contribute to your situation.\'a0 From there\
we would turn to the lower left quadrant (cultural rules and tools) to see who\
you have learned to interpret challenges that come up during sex and look for\
ways to shift, update and/or reshape the way you view sex and its\
challenges.\'a0 It would be here that we\
would see whether one is even comfortable using a service like counseling based\
upon how your family/culture of origin views the profession.\'a0Finally, we would need to\
account for challenges that show up in the lower right quadrant (systems, laws,\
rules of society) such as your economic ability to try services and products as\
well as whether such services and products were even available.\'a0 Once we have rolled through these areas it\
then becomes possible to look at which aspects might need to be looked at\
further in a more meaningful way to help you change a perspective or if just\
getting a blood pressure medication is all you need.To sum your question then\
of why you can\'92t keep an erection we would need to look at your thoughts (look\
at your actual thoughts during the act as well as before and after), look at\
your behaviors, look at your physical body for issues, look at where you picked\
up your rules and tools (culture) and look at your ability to access goods and\
services.\'a0 They all contribute equally\
and need to be taken into account.\'a0 So - as you can see, there is no one possible answer to this, but several. \'a0I hope this helps.", | "First off, I want to acknowledge the emotional pain you must be experiencing about not being able to experience an erection -- you're not alone. And, it took a lot of courage for you to post your query here. Below you will find excellent advice from skilled clinicians regarding your question and concern. If you haven't done so already I'd encourage you to checkout the Mayo Clinic's website on this very topic ( |
Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it? | "Sexual desire seems to be straightforward - I like someone and I become aroused at the thoughts of being intimate with them - but that idea does not always take into account other factors.\'a0Stress can have a huge effect on our body and how it performs. \'a0When we are overstressed, for example, we often find ourselves ill at the same time. \'a0Can you think of any part of your world that may be causing you some additional stress? Additionally, focusing on your erection may also be increasing the level of stress you feel about being intimate, which could also effect your ability to get and maintain an erection. \'a0While this may seem counter intuitive, it makes sense in the word of stress!Finally, it's never a bad idea to follow up with your doctor, as well. You did not mention your age or sexual history outside of this relationship, but it is always a good idea to check in with medical staff to make sure there is nothing physically responsible for changes in our body, as well.", | "First off, I want to acknowledge the emotional pain you must be experiencing about not being able to experience an erection -- you're not alone. And, it took a lot of courage for you to post your query here. Below you will find excellent advice from skilled clinicians regarding your question and concern. If you haven't done so already I'd encourage you to checkout the Mayo Clinic's website on this very topic ( |
Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it? | "This is something I have\
had to address with individuals often since working with couples is one of my\
practice's focuses. \'a0The answer can depend upon several reasons all which\
tend to be explored while in session. \'a0If you or your counselor utilizes\
an integral approach, in which one of the main premises makes sure to check the\
four irreducible perspectives (subjective, intersubjective, objective and\
interobjective \'96 also known as the four quadrants) in determining where the\
challenges are, it then becomes possible to identify what might be contributing\
to or causing the challenge as well as offering up ways to address the\
situation.In this case, from the upper-right\
or behavioral and physical perspective, we would want to make sure there is no\
physical limitation or ailment meaning that you would need to visit your doctor\
and have the basics checked (such as blood pressure.\'a0 We would also look at particular behaviors to\
see if you are doing something with is effecting performance (such as\
masturbating often or being influenced by pornography).\'a0Next we would look at the\
upper left quadrant (thoughts, cognitions, identity, feelings) to look at what\
is going on here both during sexual activities and at other times.\'a0 If you are worried about your job, your\
family or under immense pressure to perform at work or while intimate, this can\
contribute to your situation.\'a0 From there\
we would turn to the lower left quadrant (cultural rules and tools) to see who\
you have learned to interpret challenges that come up during sex and look for\
ways to shift, update and/or reshape the way you view sex and its\
challenges.\'a0 It would be here that we\
would see whether one is even comfortable using a service like counseling based\
upon how your family/culture of origin views the profession.\'a0Finally, we would need to\
account for challenges that show up in the lower right quadrant (systems, laws,\
rules of society) such as your economic ability to try services and products as\
well as whether such services and products were even available.\'a0 Once we have rolled through these areas it\
then becomes possible to look at which aspects might need to be looked at\
further in a more meaningful way to help you change a perspective or if just\
getting a blood pressure medication is all you need.To sum your question then\
of why you can\'92t keep an erection we would need to look at your thoughts (look\
at your actual thoughts during the act as well as before and after), look at\
your behaviors, look at your physical body for issues, look at where you picked\
up your rules and tools (culture) and look at your ability to access goods and\
services.\'a0 They all contribute equally\
and need to be taken into account.\'a0 So - as you can see, there is no one possible answer to this, but several. \'a0I hope this helps.", | "Sexual desire seems to be straightforward - I like someone and I become aroused at the thoughts of being intimate with them - but that idea does not always take into account other factors.\'a0Stress can have a huge effect on our body and how it performs. \'a0When we are overstressed, for example, we often find ourselves ill at the same time. \'a0Can you think of any part of your world that may be causing you some additional stress? Additionally, focusing on your erection may also be increasing the level of stress you feel about being intimate, which could also effect your ability to get and maintain an erection. \'a0While this may seem counter intuitive, it makes sense in the word of stress!Finally, it's never a bad idea to follow up with your doctor, as well. You did not mention your age or sexual history outside of this relationship, but it is always a good idea to check in with medical staff to make sure there is nothing physically responsible for changes in our body, as well.", |
What should I do about my marriage and my wife's behavior?"My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor but she says it's not my business." | "Divorce is a serious, life altering decision.It is best to decide any serious matter through reflection and discussion.Start by knowing what you want from the marriage and why you are willing to move in or out of your own house because your wife tells you to do this.Each of you would benefit from more clarity of what you expect and would like from each other.Does your wife want a boyfriend in addition to the marriage to you?Is she willing to drop the male contact?Does she care how you feel about her contact with the other guy?You need answers and knowledge about the definition of your marriage.Since there are many areas to open, all of which are filled with emotion, including pain, if you're not able to make satisfactory progress then a licensed couples therapist may be useful to you and your partner.", | "This has to be very confusing.I wonder if the two of you would be able to have a conversation about what it is that she would like you to know about what happened yesterday and the day before so you know what message she wanted you to get out of all of that.I would also recommend seeing a local mental health professional. If you go yourself, you could at least discuss your marriage and your own thoughts and feelings about it. If you go together, I would suggest you see a therapist who specializes in couples.", |
Why do I always push my boyfriend away?"My boyfriend shows affection but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss hug or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive. I love him so much. Why do I do this?" | "There could be many reasons that you push your boyfriend away. It could be part of how you were raised, it could be because of culture, it could even be your own insecurities about yourself that are then outwardly manifested in you ""pushing"" him away.\'a0What is important in all this is that you both find a way to connect. So what if you aren't a hugger, a kisser, or a toucher you have to find what works for the both of you and your relationship. There are many ways to show affection that aren't physical (words of affirmation, giving of time and/or gifts, etc). If your boyfriend wants the physical attention then work on ways that are comfortable for the both of you making sure to start out slow and to work your way up to more physical touching.", | "Are you sure it is only the birth control pills which has changed your sex drive?My guess would be that possibly due to the hormonal changes of the pill, your own awareness and understanding of yourself in this relationship, is what is actually changing.Birth control pills control ovulation. \'a0 They don't directly prevent people from all desire to express affection.Allow yourself some time to reflect on how you feel toward your BF. \'a0 It is possible the birth control pills triggered a change in your attitude toward him.And, maybe independent of the pill, maybe you just are done with the relationship.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way.\'a0You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it?\'a0A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it.", | "Let's look at your question and break it down. It begins with the word should. As a first reflection, it implies that there is a right and a wrong way to feel, in this case, feel upset. I think I would like to ask you the question in a different way: are you feeling upset? If you are feeling upset or if you are feeling another emotion : insert worried, ambivalent, scared, angry, insecure, confused that is likely reasonable if the relationship has undergone some breaks in trust followed by distance (seperation). The first step is to recognize what you are feeling, and accept it for what it is-- an emotion. A feeling. You are entitled to feel a range of emotions as you are in the process of repairing or rebuilding the marriage. It is what you \'a0do\'a0with that feeling that matters-- how you act, how you think, what you say, \'a0and the impact the emotion (likely emotions) have on\'a0your relationship and in turn your quality of life that matters. If you want to discuss the impact of your feelings on you or on your marriage, I suggest you consult with a mental health professional with expertise in couple therapy/ relationship issues. I hope you find this information helpful.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way.\'a0You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it?\'a0A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it.", | In response to your answer. Yes because he broke a boundary of yours that he knew was important to you. The question that should be asked is are you able to go forward with your husband with his behaviors not changing for the better in regards to your feelings and emotions?, |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way.\'a0You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it?\'a0A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it.", | "Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.There's no easy way to know.If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it, \'a0consider these things:Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to youMaybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other personMaybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about itIt may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way.\'a0You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it?\'a0A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it.", | "I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you? \'a0I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now. \'a0Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it? \'a0Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST. \'a0I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem. \'a0Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way.\'a0You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it?\'a0A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it.", | "Are you upset, is the more pertinent question.Everyone has their own tolerance for lies and their unique reasons for being married. \'a0Trust your own answers to the question you ask here.Also, think over the value of your marriage in your life and whether you are able to live with the unstable sense of trust that you have in your husband.Remember too, that if you are the only partner who is trying to make the marriage work, then your job is much harder than if your husband actively participated in making the marriage happier for the couple.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Let's look at your question and break it down. It begins with the word should. As a first reflection, it implies that there is a right and a wrong way to feel, in this case, feel upset. I think I would like to ask you the question in a different way: are you feeling upset? If you are feeling upset or if you are feeling another emotion : insert worried, ambivalent, scared, angry, insecure, confused that is likely reasonable if the relationship has undergone some breaks in trust followed by distance (seperation). The first step is to recognize what you are feeling, and accept it for what it is-- an emotion. A feeling. You are entitled to feel a range of emotions as you are in the process of repairing or rebuilding the marriage. It is what you \'a0do\'a0with that feeling that matters-- how you act, how you think, what you say, \'a0and the impact the emotion (likely emotions) have on\'a0your relationship and in turn your quality of life that matters. If you want to discuss the impact of your feelings on you or on your marriage, I suggest you consult with a mental health professional with expertise in couple therapy/ relationship issues. I hope you find this information helpful.", | In response to your answer. Yes because he broke a boundary of yours that he knew was important to you. The question that should be asked is are you able to go forward with your husband with his behaviors not changing for the better in regards to your feelings and emotions?, |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Let's look at your question and break it down. It begins with the word should. As a first reflection, it implies that there is a right and a wrong way to feel, in this case, feel upset. I think I would like to ask you the question in a different way: are you feeling upset? If you are feeling upset or if you are feeling another emotion : insert worried, ambivalent, scared, angry, insecure, confused that is likely reasonable if the relationship has undergone some breaks in trust followed by distance (seperation). The first step is to recognize what you are feeling, and accept it for what it is-- an emotion. A feeling. You are entitled to feel a range of emotions as you are in the process of repairing or rebuilding the marriage. It is what you \'a0do\'a0with that feeling that matters-- how you act, how you think, what you say, \'a0and the impact the emotion (likely emotions) have on\'a0your relationship and in turn your quality of life that matters. If you want to discuss the impact of your feelings on you or on your marriage, I suggest you consult with a mental health professional with expertise in couple therapy/ relationship issues. I hope you find this information helpful.", | "Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.There's no easy way to know.If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it, \'a0consider these things:Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to youMaybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other personMaybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about itIt may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you? \'a0I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now. \'a0Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it? \'a0Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST. \'a0I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem. \'a0Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation.", | "Let's look at your question and break it down. It begins with the word should. As a first reflection, it implies that there is a right and a wrong way to feel, in this case, feel upset. I think I would like to ask you the question in a different way: are you feeling upset? If you are feeling upset or if you are feeling another emotion : insert worried, ambivalent, scared, angry, insecure, confused that is likely reasonable if the relationship has undergone some breaks in trust followed by distance (seperation). The first step is to recognize what you are feeling, and accept it for what it is-- an emotion. A feeling. You are entitled to feel a range of emotions as you are in the process of repairing or rebuilding the marriage. It is what you \'a0do\'a0with that feeling that matters-- how you act, how you think, what you say, \'a0and the impact the emotion (likely emotions) have on\'a0your relationship and in turn your quality of life that matters. If you want to discuss the impact of your feelings on you or on your marriage, I suggest you consult with a mental health professional with expertise in couple therapy/ relationship issues. I hope you find this information helpful.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Let's look at your question and break it down. It begins with the word should. As a first reflection, it implies that there is a right and a wrong way to feel, in this case, feel upset. I think I would like to ask you the question in a different way: are you feeling upset? If you are feeling upset or if you are feeling another emotion : insert worried, ambivalent, scared, angry, insecure, confused that is likely reasonable if the relationship has undergone some breaks in trust followed by distance (seperation). The first step is to recognize what you are feeling, and accept it for what it is-- an emotion. A feeling. You are entitled to feel a range of emotions as you are in the process of repairing or rebuilding the marriage. It is what you \'a0do\'a0with that feeling that matters-- how you act, how you think, what you say, \'a0and the impact the emotion (likely emotions) have on\'a0your relationship and in turn your quality of life that matters. If you want to discuss the impact of your feelings on you or on your marriage, I suggest you consult with a mental health professional with expertise in couple therapy/ relationship issues. I hope you find this information helpful.", | "Are you upset, is the more pertinent question.Everyone has their own tolerance for lies and their unique reasons for being married. \'a0Trust your own answers to the question you ask here.Also, think over the value of your marriage in your life and whether you are able to live with the unstable sense of trust that you have in your husband.Remember too, that if you are the only partner who is trying to make the marriage work, then your job is much harder than if your husband actively participated in making the marriage happier for the couple.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.There's no easy way to know.If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it, \'a0consider these things:Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to youMaybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other personMaybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about itIt may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.", | In response to your answer. Yes because he broke a boundary of yours that he knew was important to you. The question that should be asked is are you able to go forward with your husband with his behaviors not changing for the better in regards to your feelings and emotions?, |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you? \'a0I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now. \'a0Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it? \'a0Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST. \'a0I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem. \'a0Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation.", | In response to your answer. Yes because he broke a boundary of yours that he knew was important to you. The question that should be asked is are you able to go forward with your husband with his behaviors not changing for the better in regards to your feelings and emotions?, |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | In response to your answer. Yes because he broke a boundary of yours that he knew was important to you. The question that should be asked is are you able to go forward with your husband with his behaviors not changing for the better in regards to your feelings and emotions?, | "Are you upset, is the more pertinent question.Everyone has their own tolerance for lies and their unique reasons for being married. \'a0Trust your own answers to the question you ask here.Also, think over the value of your marriage in your life and whether you are able to live with the unstable sense of trust that you have in your husband.Remember too, that if you are the only partner who is trying to make the marriage work, then your job is much harder than if your husband actively participated in making the marriage happier for the couple.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you? \'a0I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now. \'a0Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it? \'a0Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST. \'a0I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem. \'a0Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation.", | "Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.There's no easy way to know.If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it, \'a0consider these things:Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to youMaybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other personMaybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about itIt may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.There's no easy way to know.If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it, \'a0consider these things:Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to youMaybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other personMaybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about itIt may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.", | "Are you upset, is the more pertinent question.Everyone has their own tolerance for lies and their unique reasons for being married. \'a0Trust your own answers to the question you ask here.Also, think over the value of your marriage in your life and whether you are able to live with the unstable sense of trust that you have in your husband.Remember too, that if you are the only partner who is trying to make the marriage work, then your job is much harder than if your husband actively participated in making the marriage happier for the couple.", |
Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?"I\'m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month I asked what women work with him so he told me. Yesterday I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?" | "I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you? \'a0I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now. \'a0Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it? \'a0Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST. \'a0I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem. \'a0Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation.", | "Are you upset, is the more pertinent question.Everyone has their own tolerance for lies and their unique reasons for being married. \'a0Trust your own answers to the question you ask here.Also, think over the value of your marriage in your life and whether you are able to live with the unstable sense of trust that you have in your husband.Remember too, that if you are the only partner who is trying to make the marriage work, then your job is much harder than if your husband actively participated in making the marriage happier for the couple.", |
How do I deal with a lack of intimacy and partner's addiction to solo sex and porn?"I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me and treats me like a porn star wanting to finish on my face or chest." | "There is a lot of information out there right now about how porn is harmful...to a person's brain chemistry, to a relationship and one's ability to love, and to how men see women and sex in general. Your partner demonstrates a clear disregard for your needs. There is evidence, as you suggest, that there is addiction here. I recommend seeing a therapist who can help you sort out where to go from here.", | "It sounds like your in quite a rough place, my recommendation just based on what you type might warrant a visit to a psychotherapist to resolve what may be going on, I am not entirely sure but it sounds like he might have a bit of a sex addiction problem. One thing you need to ask yourself is ""Am I happy?"", ""Do I feel loved?"", these are deep questions, but the answers to those questions will give you a direction to travel in.", |
My husband only has sex with me once a month or less"I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband but I am struggling with this." | "This could have many different origins. Have you tried asking him about it? Sometimes starting with asking whether he would be open to having an important discussion can be a good beginning. If that starts well, perhaps continuing with something like ""I've noticed that we haven't been together intimately (or whatever phrasing works for you) as much lately. Can you tell me more about what it's like for you?""When asking questions like this, it usually helpful to not overuse (and perhaps try to avoid using) the word ""why."" That word tends to trigger really strong emotional reactions in people. Try starting with ""what makes"" Instead. For example, ""what made you choose not to do that?""", | "Every area in a relationship, including intimacy,\
experiences a decline after the initial honeymoon period.\'a0 Couples have to work to maintain the spark.\'a0 Find a moment to talk to your husband about\
your concerns, and suggest ways to rekindle your sexual life, be open to listen\
to his concerns and demands as well.\'a0 But\
don\'92t forget that sex the fun part of being with someone, play, flirt, joke and\
keep looking for ways to continue falling for each other.\'a0 Mi esposo solo tiene relaciones\
conmigo una vez al mes o menos. \'a0Me\
siento rechazada y frustrada.\'a0 Esto no es\
nuevo.\'a0 El primer mes que estuvimos\
juntos, ten\'edamos sexo casi todos los d\'edas.\'a0\
Luego se redujo a una vez por semana.\'a0\
Amo a mi esposo, pero esto me causa dificultad.Todas las \'e1reas\
de una relaci\'f3n, incluyendo la intimidad, sufren altas y bajas luego del\
periodo de la luna de miel.\'a0 Las parejas tienen\
que trabajar para mantener la chispa.\'a0 Encuentra\
un momento para hablar con tu esposo sobre tu preocupaci\'f3n, y sugiere maneras\
de reencender su vida sexual, est\'e1 atenta a escuchar sus preocupaciones y\
sugerencias al igual.\'a0 No olvides que el\
sexo es una de las partes m\'e1s divertidas de una relaci\'f3n, jueguen, coqueteen,\
bromeen y contin\'faen buscando maneras de enamorarse otra vez.", |
My husband only has sex with me once a month or less"I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband but I am struggling with this." | "This could have many different origins. Have you tried asking him about it? Sometimes starting with asking whether he would be open to having an important discussion can be a good beginning. If that starts well, perhaps continuing with something like ""I've noticed that we haven't been together intimately (or whatever phrasing works for you) as much lately. Can you tell me more about what it's like for you?""When asking questions like this, it usually helpful to not overuse (and perhaps try to avoid using) the word ""why."" That word tends to trigger really strong emotional reactions in people. Try starting with ""what makes"" Instead. For example, ""what made you choose not to do that?""", | "Have you said anything to your husband about the way you're feeling?Start with this.Sex is after all, a two person enterprise.If he would like to talk about the way you're feeling, great and wonderful. \'a0The two of you already are continuing to grow trust in your communication and relationship.If he doesn't want to talk about how you're feeling, then you're facing a different problemYour feelings are real and need to be handled.If you end up facing your feelings of frustration about your husband not wanting to have sex with you, on your own, then does your husband give you a truthful sounding reason as to why not?Ask what explains his disinterest in having sex with you.If he doesn't want to address this question, then you are a little further down the rung of trust and care about you.Depending on how satisfied you are with his answers, will guide you on how much dissatisfaction you can live with and why, longterm.", |
My husband only has sex with me once a month or less"I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband but I am struggling with this." | "Every area in a relationship, including intimacy,\
experiences a decline after the initial honeymoon period.\'a0 Couples have to work to maintain the spark.\'a0 Find a moment to talk to your husband about\
your concerns, and suggest ways to rekindle your sexual life, be open to listen\
to his concerns and demands as well.\'a0 But\
don\'92t forget that sex the fun part of being with someone, play, flirt, joke and\
keep looking for ways to continue falling for each other.\'a0 Mi esposo solo tiene relaciones\
conmigo una vez al mes o menos. \'a0Me\
siento rechazada y frustrada.\'a0 Esto no es\
nuevo.\'a0 El primer mes que estuvimos\
juntos, ten\'edamos sexo casi todos los d\'edas.\'a0\
Luego se redujo a una vez por semana.\'a0\
Amo a mi esposo, pero esto me causa dificultad.Todas las \'e1reas\
de una relaci\'f3n, incluyendo la intimidad, sufren altas y bajas luego del\
periodo de la luna de miel.\'a0 Las parejas tienen\
que trabajar para mantener la chispa.\'a0 Encuentra\
un momento para hablar con tu esposo sobre tu preocupaci\'f3n, y sugiere maneras\
de reencender su vida sexual, est\'e1 atenta a escuchar sus preocupaciones y\
sugerencias al igual.\'a0 No olvides que el\
sexo es una de las partes m\'e1s divertidas de una relaci\'f3n, jueguen, coqueteen,\
bromeen y contin\'faen buscando maneras de enamorarse otra vez.", | "Have you said anything to your husband about the way you're feeling?Start with this.Sex is after all, a two person enterprise.If he would like to talk about the way you're feeling, great and wonderful. \'a0The two of you already are continuing to grow trust in your communication and relationship.If he doesn't want to talk about how you're feeling, then you're facing a different problemYour feelings are real and need to be handled.If you end up facing your feelings of frustration about your husband not wanting to have sex with you, on your own, then does your husband give you a truthful sounding reason as to why not?Ask what explains his disinterest in having sex with you.If he doesn't want to address this question, then you are a little further down the rung of trust and care about you.Depending on how satisfied you are with his answers, will guide you on how much dissatisfaction you can live with and why, longterm.", |
I am afraid of sex"I am a female and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex." | "As hard as it may be to do this, since all the media and marketing of how an ideal person looks and performs sexually, surrounds us, keep in mind that the images presented in order to sell movies and almost any product, is meant to trigger fantasies.No one is a fantasy, we are all real and unique. \'a0We can be influenced to believe that being a fantasy is better than being who each of us is, genuinely.Your partner may be much more accepting of your body and your level of sexual experience, than you are of yourself!Sex within a relationship means the two people want to have with the other one, not because they have ideal bodies and expertise, but because the person wants to make love to the one whom they love.When you are in a loving relationship, part of this includes talking about sensitivities and insecurities. \'a0Having a conversation gives the chance to know that you are accepted for who you are, not how closely you resemble a made up idea meant to persuade people to buy items.", | "The greatest sex experience will be with someone who you feel connected to outside the bed.\'a0 This is something that you should feel comfortable in talking with your partner about.\'a0 The relationship needs to be strong before moving to the bed anyways. If the love is there, he will understand your fears and make you feel comfortable making it a great experience.", |
"I cheated on my partner and I don't know how to feel""I am married but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body and I have full rights to do what I like." | "Yes, of course, it's your body and you can do what you feel like doing.Do you feel a commitment to your partner?Your guilt probably is pointing out the feeling of having done with your body what your spirit tells you is a violation of the commitment you feel toward your partner.The good news is that this is a moment for you to examine how strong your commitment is to your partner.Find balance between satisfying your freedom to do as you please, with your sense of being a partner, which means prioritizing the partner once in a while.", | "My questions to you would be:\'a0 Why did you get married?\'a0 Would it bother you if your spouse did the same to you?", |
How can I get my fianc\'e to notice me again?"My fianc\'e and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league) but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family and when I leave home to see family he'll text me saying ""whatever"" and ""leave me alone."" But when we're together everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man but I just don't know what to do anymore." | "Your situation sounds a little painful.Have you brought up any of these topics for discussion with your fianc\'e9?Now is a good time for finding out if and how your future husband is interested and addresses the way you are feeling.Until the two of you open up what bothers you, all you or anyone who talks to you about the situation, can do is take guesses as to what is driving your finance's behaviors.Also, in the moment of when your fianc\'e9 texts you words you find surprising or startling, you can tell him this. \'a0 Maybe by being clear and truthful about how what he writes affects you, then next time he will change what he tells you.And if he doesn't, then you know that you explained yourself, he had this information about you and that , he isn't that willing to consider what you told him.\'a0Really, the best first step is to open up all the topics you wrote about here, with him. \'a0This way you'll give each of you to discuss how to care about one another in a meaningful way.", | "Hi Rockford, While no relationship is ""perfect"", and it's natural for the passionate beginnings of a relationship to lessen with time, because we have established the trust and love needed as a foundation and we don't have to smother each other with attention anymore, your situation sounds like something different.\'a0""He has no time for me""... yet you don't fight. Hmmm...Is it that you don't fight because you don't bring up what's bothering you? Are you avoiding conflict? Many people do. What do you fear would happen if you let him know how you feel about his recent pulling away? As an engaged couple, now is a really good time to see what happens when you bring a concern to your fiance. Better to find out now what happens when you rock the boat by being real. Or maybe you have spoken to him about it. If so, what happens? Does he listen and help you understand him better? Or does he avoid and reassure you...or maybe dismiss you? This is really important data to gather about how your fiance handles conflict and how you work together.\'a0He says ""leave me alone"". That's a pretty bold statement about what he wants. He doesn't seem to have the same idea that you do about what marriage is, and how close you want to be. Plus, I have to say, those words sound more like what a closed-off fourteen year old would say to a parent than a loving fiance to his bride to be!\'a0Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it could be that your fiance is scared about getting married and this is a temporary reaction that will change. But if this is true, he needs to tell you that so you can understand.\'a0So, I suggest that the fact that when you're together you're ""okay"" is perhaps not the best barometer for how you're doing as a couple. Listen to your gut. I encourage you to be really open with your fiance about what your feelings and fears are. This may get rockier before it gets better, but until you face what's not working, you won't know who you truly are as a couple. \'a0When you're engaged, it's a really cool time to see a therapist too...to get some conflict resolution skills down before you're a married couple.", |
My wife doesn't want to have sex"My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest and basically she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However she also told me that the last time we had sex she felt me in her but it just felt ""ehh"" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early s. We\'re married and we have a baby on the way." | "Congrats on your upcoming baby!Its possible that the pregnancy is diminishing your wife's sex drive.From everything you describe about your wife, she sounds to not yet have become comfortable with having a wish for sex.The other side of the sex equation is you and your relative ease with having sex and whether it is for physical release or as an expression of love, some of each.Since you talk with each other honestly then start with a dialogue about what you each would like from sex with each other, from perspective of giving and receiving sex. \'a0Hopefully this will open up some new light on your respective feelings.Really, there is a lot to navigate in a conversation about physical and emotional intimacy. \'a0If these are not the types of discussions the two of you are used to having, a couples therapist is a good idea so you both become familiar and learn how to more easily articulate some of your respective deep feelings.", | "I suggest seeking the support of an AASECT certified sex therapist\'a0to help work through much of the issues you address, you simply may need some really qualified support. Also, you might be interested in watching Esther Perel's ted talk on the secret to desire in a long term relationship, and/or\'a0you might want to sign up for my own 8-part-series on Reconnecting Parent Couples", |
My wife doesn't want to have sex"My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest and basically she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However she also told me that the last time we had sex she felt me in her but it just felt ""ehh"" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early s. We\'re married and we have a baby on the way." | "Congrats on your upcoming baby!Its possible that the pregnancy is diminishing your wife's sex drive.From everything you describe about your wife, she sounds to not yet have become comfortable with having a wish for sex.The other side of the sex equation is you and your relative ease with having sex and whether it is for physical release or as an expression of love, some of each.Since you talk with each other honestly then start with a dialogue about what you each would like from sex with each other, from perspective of giving and receiving sex. \'a0Hopefully this will open up some new light on your respective feelings.Really, there is a lot to navigate in a conversation about physical and emotional intimacy. \'a0If these are not the types of discussions the two of you are used to having, a couples therapist is a good idea so you both become familiar and learn how to more easily articulate some of your respective deep feelings.", | "Have you guys ruled out medical disorders. There is new data that post part depression starts in the pregnancy before baby is delivered. There maybe those factors .Please check out those arenas, firstly.\'a0Then consider marital therapy services. Relationship changes with the time passing and with the time and care deposits of investment onto the relationship bank account. \'a0Thanks for this opportunity to answer some of ya.alls. relationship intimacy concerns.", |
My wife doesn't want to have sex"My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest and basically she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However she also told me that the last time we had sex she felt me in her but it just felt ""ehh"" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early s. We\'re married and we have a baby on the way." | "Congrats on your upcoming baby!Its possible that the pregnancy is diminishing your wife's sex drive.From everything you describe about your wife, she sounds to not yet have become comfortable with having a wish for sex.The other side of the sex equation is you and your relative ease with having sex and whether it is for physical release or as an expression of love, some of each.Since you talk with each other honestly then start with a dialogue about what you each would like from sex with each other, from perspective of giving and receiving sex. \'a0Hopefully this will open up some new light on your respective feelings.Really, there is a lot to navigate in a conversation about physical and emotional intimacy. \'a0If these are not the types of discussions the two of you are used to having, a couples therapist is a good idea so you both become familiar and learn how to more easily articulate some of your respective deep feelings.", | "Hi Seattle,While it's normal in many relationships for there to be a difference in sex drives, I believe that your wife has a major barrier to having a healthy sexual relationship. I'd be curious about what it was like at the beginning for you both, but these things can change. Sometimes people with sexual barriers are very active for a period when they're young because they're trying to prove something or overcome a fear.\'a0Right now, you can both accept that there is a barrier and it's hers and she can explore that in a safe relationship with a therapist and perhaps a doctor. It's possible she's asexual (not interested in sexual activity but very interested in love), or that a trauma has affected her. It's for her to explore. Tell yourself that it's not your fault, stop expecting it to change, and encourage her to seek treatment with someone who specializes in sexual issues. Good luck.", |
My wife doesn't want to have sex"My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest and basically she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However she also told me that the last time we had sex she felt me in her but it just felt ""ehh"" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early s. We\'re married and we have a baby on the way." | "Have you guys ruled out medical disorders. There is new data that post part depression starts in the pregnancy before baby is delivered. There maybe those factors .Please check out those arenas, firstly.\'a0Then consider marital therapy services. Relationship changes with the time passing and with the time and care deposits of investment onto the relationship bank account. \'a0Thanks for this opportunity to answer some of ya.alls. relationship intimacy concerns.", | "I suggest seeking the support of an AASECT certified sex therapist\'a0to help work through much of the issues you address, you simply may need some really qualified support. Also, you might be interested in watching Esther Perel's ted talk on the secret to desire in a long term relationship, and/or\'a0you might want to sign up for my own 8-part-series on Reconnecting Parent Couples", |
My wife doesn't want to have sex"My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest and basically she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However she also told me that the last time we had sex she felt me in her but it just felt ""ehh"" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early s. We\'re married and we have a baby on the way." | "Hi Seattle,While it's normal in many relationships for there to be a difference in sex drives, I believe that your wife has a major barrier to having a healthy sexual relationship. I'd be curious about what it was like at the beginning for you both, but these things can change. Sometimes people with sexual barriers are very active for a period when they're young because they're trying to prove something or overcome a fear.\'a0Right now, you can both accept that there is a barrier and it's hers and she can explore that in a safe relationship with a therapist and perhaps a doctor. It's possible she's asexual (not interested in sexual activity but very interested in love), or that a trauma has affected her. It's for her to explore. Tell yourself that it's not your fault, stop expecting it to change, and encourage her to seek treatment with someone who specializes in sexual issues. Good luck.", | "I suggest seeking the support of an AASECT certified sex therapist\'a0to help work through much of the issues you address, you simply may need some really qualified support. Also, you might be interested in watching Esther Perel's ted talk on the secret to desire in a long term relationship, and/or\'a0you might want to sign up for my own 8-part-series on Reconnecting Parent Couples", |
My wife doesn't want to have sex"My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest and basically she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However she also told me that the last time we had sex she felt me in her but it just felt ""ehh"" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early s. We\'re married and we have a baby on the way." | "Have you guys ruled out medical disorders. There is new data that post part depression starts in the pregnancy before baby is delivered. There maybe those factors .Please check out those arenas, firstly.\'a0Then consider marital therapy services. Relationship changes with the time passing and with the time and care deposits of investment onto the relationship bank account. \'a0Thanks for this opportunity to answer some of ya.alls. relationship intimacy concerns.", | "Hi Seattle,While it's normal in many relationships for there to be a difference in sex drives, I believe that your wife has a major barrier to having a healthy sexual relationship. I'd be curious about what it was like at the beginning for you both, but these things can change. Sometimes people with sexual barriers are very active for a period when they're young because they're trying to prove something or overcome a fear.\'a0Right now, you can both accept that there is a barrier and it's hers and she can explore that in a safe relationship with a therapist and perhaps a doctor. It's possible she's asexual (not interested in sexual activity but very interested in love), or that a trauma has affected her. It's for her to explore. Tell yourself that it's not your fault, stop expecting it to change, and encourage her to seek treatment with someone who specializes in sexual issues. Good luck.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Y'know, to see a man you've loved and care for pass on must make ya' want to cry and weep a bunch, don't it?And, may I say to you that... (as I've long since said)... if you need to mourn, take about a week or so and mourn like your life depended on it.\'a0 I mean, get to weeping, gnashing, moaning, crying, solemnness, and reflection.And then, after about a week or so, reflect on the man as if he were a well-beloved traveler... sent off on a wondrous journey that will consume and encapsulate his entire awareness... and...Rather than expression vibrations of fatigue, sadness, and anger, send him the finest recollections and images you have of him, and regard him fondly...For, I think you will realize that the dead are not gone forever, but are actually extraordinarily active... and when he sees what you express out from within yourself, he experiences it himself (probably more than you know); so, why not send the very best you have out to him :)", | "I am sorry for your loss. I understand the difficulty of needing help and not having financial resources. In some areas, you can dial 211 and find resources in the area that may be free of cost or low cost. In addition, often hospitals and community centers, churches, etc. have support groups. These are often free and many include grief and loss issues. Finally, there are some therapists who work on sliding scales and even sometimes offer pro bono sessions for clients. Hopefully some of these leads work out for you so that you can get the support that you need.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Y'know, to see a man you've loved and care for pass on must make ya' want to cry and weep a bunch, don't it?And, may I say to you that... (as I've long since said)... if you need to mourn, take about a week or so and mourn like your life depended on it.\'a0 I mean, get to weeping, gnashing, moaning, crying, solemnness, and reflection.And then, after about a week or so, reflect on the man as if he were a well-beloved traveler... sent off on a wondrous journey that will consume and encapsulate his entire awareness... and...Rather than expression vibrations of fatigue, sadness, and anger, send him the finest recollections and images you have of him, and regard him fondly...For, I think you will realize that the dead are not gone forever, but are actually extraordinarily active... and when he sees what you express out from within yourself, he experiences it himself (probably more than you know); so, why not send the very best you have out to him :)", | "Losing someone you love, someone who has been there from your very first days, is really hard.\'a0 Look for a local hospice support organization in your community - grief groups and counseling are often available through these centers.\'a0 Don't just tough it out and wait for your sadness to fade.\'a0 Your grandfather would not want that for you.\'a0 Take extra good care of yourself and get some support", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Y'know, to see a man you've loved and care for pass on must make ya' want to cry and weep a bunch, don't it?And, may I say to you that... (as I've long since said)... if you need to mourn, take about a week or so and mourn like your life depended on it.\'a0 I mean, get to weeping, gnashing, moaning, crying, solemnness, and reflection.And then, after about a week or so, reflect on the man as if he were a well-beloved traveler... sent off on a wondrous journey that will consume and encapsulate his entire awareness... and...Rather than expression vibrations of fatigue, sadness, and anger, send him the finest recollections and images you have of him, and regard him fondly...For, I think you will realize that the dead are not gone forever, but are actually extraordinarily active... and when he sees what you express out from within yourself, he experiences it himself (probably more than you know); so, why not send the very best you have out to him :)", | "Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Y'know, to see a man you've loved and care for pass on must make ya' want to cry and weep a bunch, don't it?And, may I say to you that... (as I've long since said)... if you need to mourn, take about a week or so and mourn like your life depended on it.\'a0 I mean, get to weeping, gnashing, moaning, crying, solemnness, and reflection.And then, after about a week or so, reflect on the man as if he were a well-beloved traveler... sent off on a wondrous journey that will consume and encapsulate his entire awareness... and...Rather than expression vibrations of fatigue, sadness, and anger, send him the finest recollections and images you have of him, and regard him fondly...For, I think you will realize that the dead are not gone forever, but are actually extraordinarily active... and when he sees what you express out from within yourself, he experiences it himself (probably more than you know); so, why not send the very best you have out to him :)", | "Hello,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups, which can be very helpful. Lastly, you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly, some therapists offer sliding scale, or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps! Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time.\'a0Warmly,Angela Topcu, MFT", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Y'know, to see a man you've loved and care for pass on must make ya' want to cry and weep a bunch, don't it?And, may I say to you that... (as I've long since said)... if you need to mourn, take about a week or so and mourn like your life depended on it.\'a0 I mean, get to weeping, gnashing, moaning, crying, solemnness, and reflection.And then, after about a week or so, reflect on the man as if he were a well-beloved traveler... sent off on a wondrous journey that will consume and encapsulate his entire awareness... and...Rather than expression vibrations of fatigue, sadness, and anger, send him the finest recollections and images you have of him, and regard him fondly...For, I think you will realize that the dead are not gone forever, but are actually extraordinarily active... and when he sees what you express out from within yourself, he experiences it himself (probably more than you know); so, why not send the very best you have out to him :)", | "I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it.\'a0Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship. \'a0Here is an example...\'a0 |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Y'know, to see a man you've loved and care for pass on must make ya' want to cry and weep a bunch, don't it?And, may I say to you that... (as I've long since said)... if you need to mourn, take about a week or so and mourn like your life depended on it.\'a0 I mean, get to weeping, gnashing, moaning, crying, solemnness, and reflection.And then, after about a week or so, reflect on the man as if he were a well-beloved traveler... sent off on a wondrous journey that will consume and encapsulate his entire awareness... and...Rather than expression vibrations of fatigue, sadness, and anger, send him the finest recollections and images you have of him, and regard him fondly...For, I think you will realize that the dead are not gone forever, but are actually extraordinarily active... and when he sees what you express out from within yourself, he experiences it himself (probably more than you know); so, why not send the very best you have out to him :)", | "I'm sorry you lost your grandpa.\'a0 Some things that may help you through this tough time are to journal or write about special memories you have of your grandpa.\'a0 You could also journal about your feelings of loss and how you miss him.\'a0 Another thing that might help is to talk with a friend or family member.\'a0 Sharing special memories of the person you lost can help you to grieve.If you would like to pursue counseling I would suggest doing an internet search for grief groups in your area.\'a0 Sometimes hospitals or hospice centers will offer them for free or low cost.\'a0 You can also do an internet search for non-profit counseling clinics in your area.\'a0 Many cities and towns will have a non-profit clinic that can provide low cost counseling, it might be worth checking into.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Y'know, to see a man you've loved and care for pass on must make ya' want to cry and weep a bunch, don't it?And, may I say to you that... (as I've long since said)... if you need to mourn, take about a week or so and mourn like your life depended on it.\'a0 I mean, get to weeping, gnashing, moaning, crying, solemnness, and reflection.And then, after about a week or so, reflect on the man as if he were a well-beloved traveler... sent off on a wondrous journey that will consume and encapsulate his entire awareness... and...Rather than expression vibrations of fatigue, sadness, and anger, send him the finest recollections and images you have of him, and regard him fondly...For, I think you will realize that the dead are not gone forever, but are actually extraordinarily active... and when he sees what you express out from within yourself, he experiences it himself (probably more than you know); so, why not send the very best you have out to him :)", | "I'm sorry your grandpa died.Good for you to write on this site about wanting help to know how best to live with this new loss.Have you looked online for blogs and forums about adjusting to a recent death? \'a0That you know you'd like another person to help you adjust, is a good sign of your own mental health stability.It is possible that reading online blogs and discussion forums, writing on these if you feel like doing so, and possibly joining a local free support group, will be all you need to feel better.There is no set timeline in grief. \'a0 Let yourself take as much time as you feel is best for you.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I am sorry for your loss. I understand the difficulty of needing help and not having financial resources. In some areas, you can dial 211 and find resources in the area that may be free of cost or low cost. In addition, often hospitals and community centers, churches, etc. have support groups. These are often free and many include grief and loss issues. Finally, there are some therapists who work on sliding scales and even sometimes offer pro bono sessions for clients. Hopefully some of these leads work out for you so that you can get the support that you need.", | "Losing someone you love, someone who has been there from your very first days, is really hard.\'a0 Look for a local hospice support organization in your community - grief groups and counseling are often available through these centers.\'a0 Don't just tough it out and wait for your sadness to fade.\'a0 Your grandfather would not want that for you.\'a0 Take extra good care of yourself and get some support", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I am sorry for your loss. I understand the difficulty of needing help and not having financial resources. In some areas, you can dial 211 and find resources in the area that may be free of cost or low cost. In addition, often hospitals and community centers, churches, etc. have support groups. These are often free and many include grief and loss issues. Finally, there are some therapists who work on sliding scales and even sometimes offer pro bono sessions for clients. Hopefully some of these leads work out for you so that you can get the support that you need.", | "Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Hello,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups, which can be very helpful. Lastly, you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly, some therapists offer sliding scale, or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps! Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time.\'a0Warmly,Angela Topcu, MFT", | "I am sorry for your loss. I understand the difficulty of needing help and not having financial resources. In some areas, you can dial 211 and find resources in the area that may be free of cost or low cost. In addition, often hospitals and community centers, churches, etc. have support groups. These are often free and many include grief and loss issues. Finally, there are some therapists who work on sliding scales and even sometimes offer pro bono sessions for clients. Hopefully some of these leads work out for you so that you can get the support that you need.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it.\'a0Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship. \'a0Here is an example...\'a0 | "I am sorry for your loss. I understand the difficulty of needing help and not having financial resources. In some areas, you can dial 211 and find resources in the area that may be free of cost or low cost. In addition, often hospitals and community centers, churches, etc. have support groups. These are often free and many include grief and loss issues. Finally, there are some therapists who work on sliding scales and even sometimes offer pro bono sessions for clients. Hopefully some of these leads work out for you so that you can get the support that you need.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I'm sorry you lost your grandpa.\'a0 Some things that may help you through this tough time are to journal or write about special memories you have of your grandpa.\'a0 You could also journal about your feelings of loss and how you miss him.\'a0 Another thing that might help is to talk with a friend or family member.\'a0 Sharing special memories of the person you lost can help you to grieve.If you would like to pursue counseling I would suggest doing an internet search for grief groups in your area.\'a0 Sometimes hospitals or hospice centers will offer them for free or low cost.\'a0 You can also do an internet search for non-profit counseling clinics in your area.\'a0 Many cities and towns will have a non-profit clinic that can provide low cost counseling, it might be worth checking into.", | "I am sorry for your loss. I understand the difficulty of needing help and not having financial resources. In some areas, you can dial 211 and find resources in the area that may be free of cost or low cost. In addition, often hospitals and community centers, churches, etc. have support groups. These are often free and many include grief and loss issues. Finally, there are some therapists who work on sliding scales and even sometimes offer pro bono sessions for clients. Hopefully some of these leads work out for you so that you can get the support that you need.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I'm sorry your grandpa died.Good for you to write on this site about wanting help to know how best to live with this new loss.Have you looked online for blogs and forums about adjusting to a recent death? \'a0That you know you'd like another person to help you adjust, is a good sign of your own mental health stability.It is possible that reading online blogs and discussion forums, writing on these if you feel like doing so, and possibly joining a local free support group, will be all you need to feel better.There is no set timeline in grief. \'a0 Let yourself take as much time as you feel is best for you.", | "I am sorry for your loss. I understand the difficulty of needing help and not having financial resources. In some areas, you can dial 211 and find resources in the area that may be free of cost or low cost. In addition, often hospitals and community centers, churches, etc. have support groups. These are often free and many include grief and loss issues. Finally, there are some therapists who work on sliding scales and even sometimes offer pro bono sessions for clients. Hopefully some of these leads work out for you so that you can get the support that you need.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss.", | "Losing someone you love, someone who has been there from your very first days, is really hard.\'a0 Look for a local hospice support organization in your community - grief groups and counseling are often available through these centers.\'a0 Don't just tough it out and wait for your sadness to fade.\'a0 Your grandfather would not want that for you.\'a0 Take extra good care of yourself and get some support", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Hello,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups, which can be very helpful. Lastly, you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly, some therapists offer sliding scale, or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps! Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time.\'a0Warmly,Angela Topcu, MFT", | "Losing someone you love, someone who has been there from your very first days, is really hard.\'a0 Look for a local hospice support organization in your community - grief groups and counseling are often available through these centers.\'a0 Don't just tough it out and wait for your sadness to fade.\'a0 Your grandfather would not want that for you.\'a0 Take extra good care of yourself and get some support", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it.\'a0Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship. \'a0Here is an example...\'a0 | "Losing someone you love, someone who has been there from your very first days, is really hard.\'a0 Look for a local hospice support organization in your community - grief groups and counseling are often available through these centers.\'a0 Don't just tough it out and wait for your sadness to fade.\'a0 Your grandfather would not want that for you.\'a0 Take extra good care of yourself and get some support", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I'm sorry you lost your grandpa.\'a0 Some things that may help you through this tough time are to journal or write about special memories you have of your grandpa.\'a0 You could also journal about your feelings of loss and how you miss him.\'a0 Another thing that might help is to talk with a friend or family member.\'a0 Sharing special memories of the person you lost can help you to grieve.If you would like to pursue counseling I would suggest doing an internet search for grief groups in your area.\'a0 Sometimes hospitals or hospice centers will offer them for free or low cost.\'a0 You can also do an internet search for non-profit counseling clinics in your area.\'a0 Many cities and towns will have a non-profit clinic that can provide low cost counseling, it might be worth checking into.", | "Losing someone you love, someone who has been there from your very first days, is really hard.\'a0 Look for a local hospice support organization in your community - grief groups and counseling are often available through these centers.\'a0 Don't just tough it out and wait for your sadness to fade.\'a0 Your grandfather would not want that for you.\'a0 Take extra good care of yourself and get some support", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I'm sorry your grandpa died.Good for you to write on this site about wanting help to know how best to live with this new loss.Have you looked online for blogs and forums about adjusting to a recent death? \'a0That you know you'd like another person to help you adjust, is a good sign of your own mental health stability.It is possible that reading online blogs and discussion forums, writing on these if you feel like doing so, and possibly joining a local free support group, will be all you need to feel better.There is no set timeline in grief. \'a0 Let yourself take as much time as you feel is best for you.", | "Losing someone you love, someone who has been there from your very first days, is really hard.\'a0 Look for a local hospice support organization in your community - grief groups and counseling are often available through these centers.\'a0 Don't just tough it out and wait for your sadness to fade.\'a0 Your grandfather would not want that for you.\'a0 Take extra good care of yourself and get some support", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Hello,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups, which can be very helpful. Lastly, you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly, some therapists offer sliding scale, or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps! Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time.\'a0Warmly,Angela Topcu, MFT", | "Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it.\'a0Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship. \'a0Here is an example...\'a0 | "Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I'm sorry you lost your grandpa.\'a0 Some things that may help you through this tough time are to journal or write about special memories you have of your grandpa.\'a0 You could also journal about your feelings of loss and how you miss him.\'a0 Another thing that might help is to talk with a friend or family member.\'a0 Sharing special memories of the person you lost can help you to grieve.If you would like to pursue counseling I would suggest doing an internet search for grief groups in your area.\'a0 Sometimes hospitals or hospice centers will offer them for free or low cost.\'a0 You can also do an internet search for non-profit counseling clinics in your area.\'a0 Many cities and towns will have a non-profit clinic that can provide low cost counseling, it might be worth checking into.", | "Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I'm sorry your grandpa died.Good for you to write on this site about wanting help to know how best to live with this new loss.Have you looked online for blogs and forums about adjusting to a recent death? \'a0That you know you'd like another person to help you adjust, is a good sign of your own mental health stability.It is possible that reading online blogs and discussion forums, writing on these if you feel like doing so, and possibly joining a local free support group, will be all you need to feel better.There is no set timeline in grief. \'a0 Let yourself take as much time as you feel is best for you.", | "Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Hello,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups, which can be very helpful. Lastly, you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly, some therapists offer sliding scale, or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps! Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time.\'a0Warmly,Angela Topcu, MFT", | "I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it.\'a0Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship. \'a0Here is an example...\'a0 |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Hello,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups, which can be very helpful. Lastly, you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly, some therapists offer sliding scale, or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps! Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time.\'a0Warmly,Angela Topcu, MFT", | "I'm sorry you lost your grandpa.\'a0 Some things that may help you through this tough time are to journal or write about special memories you have of your grandpa.\'a0 You could also journal about your feelings of loss and how you miss him.\'a0 Another thing that might help is to talk with a friend or family member.\'a0 Sharing special memories of the person you lost can help you to grieve.If you would like to pursue counseling I would suggest doing an internet search for grief groups in your area.\'a0 Sometimes hospitals or hospice centers will offer them for free or low cost.\'a0 You can also do an internet search for non-profit counseling clinics in your area.\'a0 Many cities and towns will have a non-profit clinic that can provide low cost counseling, it might be worth checking into.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "Hello,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups, which can be very helpful. Lastly, you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly, some therapists offer sliding scale, or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps! Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time.\'a0Warmly,Angela Topcu, MFT", | "I'm sorry your grandpa died.Good for you to write on this site about wanting help to know how best to live with this new loss.Have you looked online for blogs and forums about adjusting to a recent death? \'a0That you know you'd like another person to help you adjust, is a good sign of your own mental health stability.It is possible that reading online blogs and discussion forums, writing on these if you feel like doing so, and possibly joining a local free support group, will be all you need to feel better.There is no set timeline in grief. \'a0 Let yourself take as much time as you feel is best for you.", |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I'm sorry you lost your grandpa.\'a0 Some things that may help you through this tough time are to journal or write about special memories you have of your grandpa.\'a0 You could also journal about your feelings of loss and how you miss him.\'a0 Another thing that might help is to talk with a friend or family member.\'a0 Sharing special memories of the person you lost can help you to grieve.If you would like to pursue counseling I would suggest doing an internet search for grief groups in your area.\'a0 Sometimes hospitals or hospice centers will offer them for free or low cost.\'a0 You can also do an internet search for non-profit counseling clinics in your area.\'a0 Many cities and towns will have a non-profit clinic that can provide low cost counseling, it might be worth checking into.", | "I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it.\'a0Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship. \'a0Here is an example...\'a0 |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I'm sorry your grandpa died.Good for you to write on this site about wanting help to know how best to live with this new loss.Have you looked online for blogs and forums about adjusting to a recent death? \'a0That you know you'd like another person to help you adjust, is a good sign of your own mental health stability.It is possible that reading online blogs and discussion forums, writing on these if you feel like doing so, and possibly joining a local free support group, will be all you need to feel better.There is no set timeline in grief. \'a0 Let yourself take as much time as you feel is best for you.", | "I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it.\'a0Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship. \'a0Here is an example...\'a0 |
I just lost my grandpa"I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don\'t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?" | "I'm sorry your grandpa died.Good for you to write on this site about wanting help to know how best to live with this new loss.Have you looked online for blogs and forums about adjusting to a recent death? \'a0That you know you'd like another person to help you adjust, is a good sign of your own mental health stability.It is possible that reading online blogs and discussion forums, writing on these if you feel like doing so, and possibly joining a local free support group, will be all you need to feel better.There is no set timeline in grief. \'a0 Let yourself take as much time as you feel is best for you.", | "I'm sorry you lost your grandpa.\'a0 Some things that may help you through this tough time are to journal or write about special memories you have of your grandpa.\'a0 You could also journal about your feelings of loss and how you miss him.\'a0 Another thing that might help is to talk with a friend or family member.\'a0 Sharing special memories of the person you lost can help you to grieve.If you would like to pursue counseling I would suggest doing an internet search for grief groups in your area.\'a0 Sometimes hospitals or hospice centers will offer them for free or low cost.\'a0 You can also do an internet search for non-profit counseling clinics in your area.\'a0 Many cities and towns will have a non-profit clinic that can provide low cost counseling, it might be worth checking into.", |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | "The short answer is yes - if you feel 'really guilty after a night of drinking', then you probably have a problem. What you could do is visit this website by the National Institutes of Health:\'a0 | "Guilt is a narcissistic, self-indulgent focus on me, me, me; it's best not to keep it in negative light;What does that mean?\'a0 Well, it stems from mankind having an animal nature, and a spiritual nature;In most societies today, the animal nature is looked down upon, seen as egregious and something to be put away;If I may say to you, it is necessary and important (if you wish to end an experience called ""guilt"") to NOT regard your animal nature as negative, but to accept that you have it, and acknowledge it;The more openly a man or woman acknowledges they're animal-side, the quicker one may subdue it;Try giving your animal nature a name, and talk to it like a cute pet... ""Oh, hey, there, Snorky!\'a0 Oh, what's that?\'a0 You want to be a wealthy, famous Hollywood idol?\'a0 Oh, really!\'a0 Agaiiiiiiin, Snorky!\'a0 Geez, you're impossible!\'a0 Ain't you just the cutest thing!""", |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | "The short answer is yes - if you feel 'really guilty after a night of drinking', then you probably have a problem. What you could do is visit this website by the National Institutes of Health:\'a0 | I offer that getting a professional assessment is in order to look at your relationship with alcohol., |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | "The short answer is yes - if you feel 'really guilty after a night of drinking', then you probably have a problem. What you could do is visit this website by the National Institutes of Health:\'a0 | Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you figure out if indeed you have a problem or not. \'a0I would say the first question you should ask yourself is why you are drinking? The second would be why you feel the need to drink in excess? It may be due to a life event or the crowd you are running with. \'a0Either way a therapist will be able to help you through this as you already made the first step in admitting you are having a difficult time., |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | "The short answer is yes - if you feel 'really guilty after a night of drinking', then you probably have a problem. What you could do is visit this website by the National Institutes of Health:\'a0 | "Usually when someone asks if they have a problem, they believe they do have a problem!The first step is to understand your own theory and definition as to what problem you feel you have. \'a0Some possibilities are feeling unhappy in the relationship to your boyfriend, not having enough discussion between the two of you, not feeling cared about by your boyfriend, not liking your boyfriend.Did you grow up in a family in which the grownups drank to the point of excess at the times they felt stressed?Family modeling of how to handle problems may have left you no knowing how to handle stress except to drink to excess.Ask yourself what it is you feel guilty of doing?The guilt may point you in a good direction if it is your sense of self-esteem telling you to find better ways of managing your life.Do you drink alone or together with friends?Try defining your specific reasons for drinking because this is the first step to know how to handle the situation differently.", |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | "Guilt is a narcissistic, self-indulgent focus on me, me, me; it's best not to keep it in negative light;What does that mean?\'a0 Well, it stems from mankind having an animal nature, and a spiritual nature;In most societies today, the animal nature is looked down upon, seen as egregious and something to be put away;If I may say to you, it is necessary and important (if you wish to end an experience called ""guilt"") to NOT regard your animal nature as negative, but to accept that you have it, and acknowledge it;The more openly a man or woman acknowledges they're animal-side, the quicker one may subdue it;Try giving your animal nature a name, and talk to it like a cute pet... ""Oh, hey, there, Snorky!\'a0 Oh, what's that?\'a0 You want to be a wealthy, famous Hollywood idol?\'a0 Oh, really!\'a0 Agaiiiiiiin, Snorky!\'a0 Geez, you're impossible!\'a0 Ain't you just the cutest thing!""", | I offer that getting a professional assessment is in order to look at your relationship with alcohol., |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | "Guilt is a narcissistic, self-indulgent focus on me, me, me; it's best not to keep it in negative light;What does that mean?\'a0 Well, it stems from mankind having an animal nature, and a spiritual nature;In most societies today, the animal nature is looked down upon, seen as egregious and something to be put away;If I may say to you, it is necessary and important (if you wish to end an experience called ""guilt"") to NOT regard your animal nature as negative, but to accept that you have it, and acknowledge it;The more openly a man or woman acknowledges they're animal-side, the quicker one may subdue it;Try giving your animal nature a name, and talk to it like a cute pet... ""Oh, hey, there, Snorky!\'a0 Oh, what's that?\'a0 You want to be a wealthy, famous Hollywood idol?\'a0 Oh, really!\'a0 Agaiiiiiiin, Snorky!\'a0 Geez, you're impossible!\'a0 Ain't you just the cutest thing!""", | Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you figure out if indeed you have a problem or not. \'a0I would say the first question you should ask yourself is why you are drinking? The second would be why you feel the need to drink in excess? It may be due to a life event or the crowd you are running with. \'a0Either way a therapist will be able to help you through this as you already made the first step in admitting you are having a difficult time., |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | "Guilt is a narcissistic, self-indulgent focus on me, me, me; it's best not to keep it in negative light;What does that mean?\'a0 Well, it stems from mankind having an animal nature, and a spiritual nature;In most societies today, the animal nature is looked down upon, seen as egregious and something to be put away;If I may say to you, it is necessary and important (if you wish to end an experience called ""guilt"") to NOT regard your animal nature as negative, but to accept that you have it, and acknowledge it;The more openly a man or woman acknowledges they're animal-side, the quicker one may subdue it;Try giving your animal nature a name, and talk to it like a cute pet... ""Oh, hey, there, Snorky!\'a0 Oh, what's that?\'a0 You want to be a wealthy, famous Hollywood idol?\'a0 Oh, really!\'a0 Agaiiiiiiin, Snorky!\'a0 Geez, you're impossible!\'a0 Ain't you just the cutest thing!""", | "Usually when someone asks if they have a problem, they believe they do have a problem!The first step is to understand your own theory and definition as to what problem you feel you have. \'a0Some possibilities are feeling unhappy in the relationship to your boyfriend, not having enough discussion between the two of you, not feeling cared about by your boyfriend, not liking your boyfriend.Did you grow up in a family in which the grownups drank to the point of excess at the times they felt stressed?Family modeling of how to handle problems may have left you no knowing how to handle stress except to drink to excess.Ask yourself what it is you feel guilty of doing?The guilt may point you in a good direction if it is your sense of self-esteem telling you to find better ways of managing your life.Do you drink alone or together with friends?Try defining your specific reasons for drinking because this is the first step to know how to handle the situation differently.", |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you figure out if indeed you have a problem or not. \'a0I would say the first question you should ask yourself is why you are drinking? The second would be why you feel the need to drink in excess? It may be due to a life event or the crowd you are running with. \'a0Either way a therapist will be able to help you through this as you already made the first step in admitting you are having a difficult time., | I offer that getting a professional assessment is in order to look at your relationship with alcohol., |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | I offer that getting a professional assessment is in order to look at your relationship with alcohol., | "Usually when someone asks if they have a problem, they believe they do have a problem!The first step is to understand your own theory and definition as to what problem you feel you have. \'a0Some possibilities are feeling unhappy in the relationship to your boyfriend, not having enough discussion between the two of you, not feeling cared about by your boyfriend, not liking your boyfriend.Did you grow up in a family in which the grownups drank to the point of excess at the times they felt stressed?Family modeling of how to handle problems may have left you no knowing how to handle stress except to drink to excess.Ask yourself what it is you feel guilty of doing?The guilt may point you in a good direction if it is your sense of self-esteem telling you to find better ways of managing your life.Do you drink alone or together with friends?Try defining your specific reasons for drinking because this is the first step to know how to handle the situation differently.", |
I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day"I'm a female in my mid s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?" | Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you figure out if indeed you have a problem or not. \'a0I would say the first question you should ask yourself is why you are drinking? The second would be why you feel the need to drink in excess? It may be due to a life event or the crowd you are running with. \'a0Either way a therapist will be able to help you through this as you already made the first step in admitting you are having a difficult time., | "Usually when someone asks if they have a problem, they believe they do have a problem!The first step is to understand your own theory and definition as to what problem you feel you have. \'a0Some possibilities are feeling unhappy in the relationship to your boyfriend, not having enough discussion between the two of you, not feeling cared about by your boyfriend, not liking your boyfriend.Did you grow up in a family in which the grownups drank to the point of excess at the times they felt stressed?Family modeling of how to handle problems may have left you no knowing how to handle stress except to drink to excess.Ask yourself what it is you feel guilty of doing?The guilt may point you in a good direction if it is your sense of self-esteem telling you to find better ways of managing your life.Do you drink alone or together with friends?Try defining your specific reasons for drinking because this is the first step to know how to handle the situation differently.", |
I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?"I'm planning to have baby so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need it's mental.\
I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?" | "First off, I would like to congratulate you on making the decision to stop smoking.\'a0 The next thing I want to share is that there are so many different ways to kick the habit. Some people find solace in groups, while others prefer to see a counselor about this individually. Remember, that the crux of addiction is feeling one way and using a substance or thing to feel a different way.\'a0 My suggestion is to find an addiction counselor and create an individualized plan together to help you stop smoking . Your chances of stopping smoking are much higher when you have professional support and a plan to work on outside of your sessions.", | "While smoking can be incredibly difficult to quit doing, it's not impossible, so the first thing to NOT lose is hope. And certainly planning to have a baby can be exactly the catalyst that one needs to motivate to complete this sort of task. But, as I said, it still won't be easy, even with the motivation there.There is a definite physical component, but it's great that you can acknowledge the psychological addiction that exists. It would be helpful to dive into what that psychological need actually is, as it can vary from person to person (whereas the physical addiction doesn't as much, and therefor can be helped through gums and patches and inhalers, etc.) Exploring and getting to the root of the psychological need can help you to determine what is going on for you psychologically, and how else you can meet those needs of yours, perhaps in much healthier and more adaptive ways, that also help you to feel really good about yourself. While replacement is not always advocated, having psychological needs is not something to be ashamed of, but rather nurtured.", |
I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?"I'm planning to have baby so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need it's mental.\
I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?" | "First off, I would like to congratulate you on making the decision to stop smoking.\'a0 The next thing I want to share is that there are so many different ways to kick the habit. Some people find solace in groups, while others prefer to see a counselor about this individually. Remember, that the crux of addiction is feeling one way and using a substance or thing to feel a different way.\'a0 My suggestion is to find an addiction counselor and create an individualized plan together to help you stop smoking . Your chances of stopping smoking are much higher when you have professional support and a plan to work on outside of your sessions.", | "It's very admirable that you are trying to stop smoking for the sake of your health and your child's health.\'a0 The mental aspect of quitting a drug can and usually is the hardest part.\'a0 First, it can be helpful to change the focus of your thinking so you are focusing on the healthy behaviors you will start/improve rather than only focusing on the behavior that you are trying to stop.\'a0 The reason for this is that our brains hear the main topic of our thoughts.\'a0 That is, when you tell yourself ""quit smoking, quit smoking, quit smoking"", your brain hears ""smoking, smoking, smoking"".\'a0 So we need to put together a self-care plan that addresses your thinking, emotions, and behaviors (nutrition, physical activity, and other stress reducing activities).\'a0 The idea is to have an effective plan in place to both prevent yourself from feeling intense stress (which increases cravings) and to have a well-placed plan for when the intense cravings inevitably present themselves.\'a0 And lastly, and possibly the most important; You have to believe you deserve to be the healthiest version of yourself.\'a0 Think about the times when you are most vulnerable to smoke (stressful situations, after meals, when drinking, social situations, etc.).\'a0 The use of affirmations is also an important resource as what we say to ourselves effects our mood.\'a0 Repeatedly telling yourself ""i am healthy, ""i am getting healthier, ""my lungs are becoming clear and healthy"" or other affirmations like this.\'a0 Even if you don't believe them at first, continue saying them.\'a0 This step is important to improve cognitive flexibility which trains your brain to be open to change.\'a0 Think about activities that you like to do or that you would like to try and replace smoking with those activities.\'a0 Any activity that can make you laugh (time with friends, watching comedies, etc.) will evoke a calming response because when we feel happy, we typically don't feel stressed out simultaneously.", |
I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?"I'm planning to have baby so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need it's mental.\
I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?" | "First off, I would like to congratulate you on making the decision to stop smoking.\'a0 The next thing I want to share is that there are so many different ways to kick the habit. Some people find solace in groups, while others prefer to see a counselor about this individually. Remember, that the crux of addiction is feeling one way and using a substance or thing to feel a different way.\'a0 My suggestion is to find an addiction counselor and create an individualized plan together to help you stop smoking . Your chances of stopping smoking are much higher when you have professional support and a plan to work on outside of your sessions.", | "Breaking any habit is no easy feat. \'a0 Cutting down or cutting out cigarettes is very challenging, and there aren't any one size fits all solutions. \'a0Fortunately, there are a lot of tricks and tools that you can use to stop smoking. \'a01. Many habits that we have are paired habits. If we do one thing, then we will do the other thing. \'a0Think about the activities that you do when smoking and try to pair those activities with another activity other than smoking. \'a0For instance, many people smoke while they drive. \'a0Consider planning another activity to do while driving. (It might not be driving for you, but you get the idea! :)). \'a0It might be taking a walk instead of smoking on your break at work. \'a02. \'a0Create distance between you and the habit you are trying to break. \'a0This approach could be used in a variety of different ways. \'a0If you smoke first thing in the morning, consider leaving your cigarettes in a different room in your home. \'a0Walking the extra couple of feet could help you decide not to smoke. \'a0 Leave your credit or debit cards at home and carry less emergency cash than a pack of cigarettes. \'a0With this strategy, you are trying to create some distance between you the cigarettes so that you have to jump through extra hoops to get them. \'a03. \'a0Consider cutting back before cutting out. \'a0If you are smoking 10 cigarettes a day, try smoking 9. Then cut back to 8 and so on. \'a0Having a plan to reduce harm may be more sustainable than cutting things out altogether.\'a04. \'a0You could also talk to your doctor about the safety of nicotine patches. If you aren't already pregnant, this could be a great resource to help boost your success. \'a05. Focus on what you are gaining instead of what you are loosing. You may be losing cigarettes,\'a0but you are gaining money, health, taste buds, an increased sense of smell, lung capacity, a healthy baby etc. \'a0You could plan small rewards/ treats with the money you save from decreasing cigarette purchases. \'a0I recommend\'a0making these purchases small and frequent to keep up the momentum rather than waiting for a big payout a couple of months down the road. \'a0Good luck! Cutting out cigarettes will be good for you and your baby.", |
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