text stringlengths 0 2.26k |
|---|
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Like, "This is why you wear a helmet, and you have these other things." So there's language around it, there is an actual item that he had that helped buffering, and then you also had the layer of the social connection. So he knew he wasn't alone in it. Think of how many things we are more... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. I'll take risk if I know that even if I fail, or it doesn't work out, if I'm not alone in the endeavor, at least I'm not alone. How often do you hear that, "At least I didn't do it alone. At least I didn't fail alone"? It's not that you want somebody else to fail with you, it's just this aspec... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** But I want you to think about it too in terms of a feedback loop. I'm sure from other experiences that he actually -- although he couldn't articulate this, but that he effected his achievements. It wasn't just a chance, or somebody else that enabled him to do it. And this is the beauty of ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. Tangential of course, but one other aspect to perspective at least is I also gave him some motivation to try harder because of like "Listen, when you get this... Do you see your little brother over there, who's four months old? When he gets to be your age, you're gonna help me teach him." |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Aww, yes... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[27:58\] And he was like "I wanna do good, so that I can teach my brother, and be a part of that." That's perspective. It's not just like an opportunity, it's perspective. This is bigger than just simply this one moment here. Once you master this, once you get past this moment, you'll have the skil... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. So would you say that that was empowering to him? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Oh, yeah. As soon as he heard it, he was like "Yeah. Let's do it." |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** But you gave him a stronger Why. A more positive emotion around the aversive or potentially aversive experience, right? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** I think this is really important. George Bonanno, who is a psychologist at Columbia University's teacher college, and he heads up this Loss, Trauma and Emotion Lab, which he's been studying resilience for like 25 years. So what he has found as one of the central elements of resilience is w... |
He says "Events are not traumatic until we experience them as traumatic." So if I call something a traumatic event, I believe that it belies that fact. So I'm saying "This was traumatic for me." Maybe it was, but it makes it more factual, instead of saying "It was a potentially traumatic event." So every frightening ev... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Does this go back to "name it to tame it"? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I keep hearing you in the past and recently saying "name it to tame it". Because if you name this event as trauma, then it is trauma. And you're taming it by what you name it. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It's like a lion. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. Imagine I'm assigning a label and I'm saying "This was". Now, it doesn't mean there aren't certain things that are traumatizing, but going "How do I react? Where do I go? What resources do I look to if that was overwhelming, painful, too big, too heavy, too scary etc? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I like this idea of turning failures into learning experiences... Because you can't avoid failing. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** No... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It's gonna happen. And if you're out there and you have not had failure, I wanna speak with you, because I wanna know what you've done to avoid it. But if we can all have that perspective of taking these things that happen to us, that are possibly traumatic, failures of some sort, and say "I'm gonna... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. I'm not sure if we've mentioned this... Have we talked about grit, as the concept from Angela Duckworth? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Not that I'm aware of, no. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** She is a psychologist who really went into greater depth in studying what is grit. What makes people gritty, or able to be resilient. As far as I'm recalling her background, she was a teacher in a more inner city environment, and she was curious around why some kids who were in really adve... |
\[32:07\] She ended up doing research around -- I believe it was West Pont cadets, because there's a pretty rigorous formula, acceptance, like who gets it. They have to be vetted according to certain criterions. Anyways, what she discovered in her research was really around effort. So her equation for grit is this - ta... |
So when I focus on learning, I can see 1) I've got an internal locus of control, like I get to participate in my world and what happens to me. And I put forth effort in a direction, over time, in a certain way, I get to achieve more of what I want. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Is there a psychological or a medical term for grit? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Not that I'm aware of yet... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Because Angela also says that grit can grow, which is helpful, because like all things we think we're not good at, we think we'll be condemned to never be good at, because we're not good today at it... And eventually, if we work at it hard enough, or continue to evolve our thinking around it, we can... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. I think it gets at this way in which we're pliable. As humans, we're adaptable, and we know that our brains can change, hence what we call neuroplasticity. So if anything, grit as a skill, and life -- look, nobody was born with everything they needed to get through life. Nobody. Nobo... |
You said something earlier, but sort of circling back and recognizing that emotional control is a component of this... Because if I can't manage my feelings, if I am so out of control because I'm like "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" or "I can't. I'll never..." If that's what I'm telling myself, I'm not going ... |
Another person in the field of psychology that's added a lot around this concept of resiliency is Dr. Rick Hanson, who has done a lot of research incorporating neuroscience around positive psychology, mindfulness... And he even wrote this book called "Resilient." It's very practical, super-good, I highly recommend it..... |
\[36:06\] So again, this gets at "I get to choose." I participate in the choosing of things in my life and the way in which I respond to them, because look, there's so many things that we're gonna encounter that we didn't pick. So there is and there are and there will be injustices throughout our lives. So while those ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It seems like a core component of this is how to deal with the negative things that happen in life. How you compartmentalize those, how you release them, you're perspective on the negative... There's positive too, of course, but how you deal with the inevitable negative things that will happen in li... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** What is your perspective and framework for processing that scenario. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. How do I interpret or how do I make sense of disappointment when it occurs. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Exactly. And it's true, disappointment is probably a better perspective there on that one, because failure is a bigger word in terms of what it means and what it encompasses... But you intended to do something, something different happened - now what? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah... Which is why it's all about recovery, it's not about planning in advance, and like "Oh, I just prepare, prepare, prepare", but rather... You know, I think about it with things that I navigate now professionally... When I was more of a novice, it was like "Wait. Hold on, I've gotta ... |
So I don't wanna separate the feeling of disappointment and learning. Disappointment is a part of the learning process. So if I nix, and I'm like "I don't wanna feel bad, ever", oh, shoot, I just cut myself off from the opportunity to grow. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** So you almost have to embrace and even enjoy to some degree the painfulness of disappointment and failure. The whole process is a key component to learning, and the point is to learn from whatever the scenario was, for a future opportunity to potentially fail again, fall again, disappoint again, how... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** It is. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** You said it even, it's not in the planning or the process and things like that. When making a plan to do something, you often don't consider "If things go wrong, how will I recover?", or how to best recover. You often plan to do, not plan to recover from not the way you intended/anticipated. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[40:14\] Right. I think about it analogous to agility training in physical fitness. There's a lot of value in training for agility, because things might not go exactly the prescribed way, or the way in which I thought it was gonna go. And this is why if we're talking about disappointment,... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** You reinforce the existing negative thoughts that you're trying to suppress, I suppose, overcome, not let win... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. I can share - when I was in college, I went to school in a colder climate, and it was like a sheet of ice. And I had a situation -- I was already upset, because my roommate at the time had locked me out and my keys, so I couldn't go back into my dorm room at the time... So I happened... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Oh, gosh... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right...? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That's a terrible friend. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right? \[laughs\] And just like I'm already mortified. And then it's like "Yes, bring on the shame." And then perpetuated the laughter, and it just felt horrible. I can laugh about it today, because it was some time ago... But at that moment it hurt. I was already upset, I was trying to do... |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.