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**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, and I think that it's been interesting switching so much of how we interface with other people during this time, because communication has moved to so much more text-based as opposed to necessarily voice-based. So I lose a lot of relevant data when I'm just interacting with people via em... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Oh my gosh, yes. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** So I lose the visual data in interacting with people, so that I might default to my own presumptions, projections, or what I would imagine someone would respond to me. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. I learned it from you, more in particular in regards to empathy, and in this case, how we've talked before, how we started to use Zoom video for at least the video portion of the recording process of these podcasts. So while you listener get an audio artifact from it, a produced version of it,... |
So my point is that this clarity we're keying on is derived from data, and a data point - you'd mentioned text, and then you'd also mentioned masks... So both of those are obstructing a data point, which we, as humans, in communication forums, rely upon that for lack of assumption, and what we're really driving towards... |
If I'm reading your text and I'm assuming what you said in black and white, and it's just-- or if you've got different colored text, because you've got a theme or whatever; you get the point... In this text form, "I'm reading between the lines" is a common phrase heard. And then juxtaposition that against face to face ... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. So it's prone to wreak more havoc when you don't have the clarity. So it's just like, "What direction am I going? Are you on my team? Or are you on the other team?" I can't place you. One of the things I think about even relationally... When you're in a relationship with someone, you bui... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. You just made me think about the potential anxieties that can come from lack of clarity. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Oh, sure. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Because if you don't have clarity, you're just sitting there - maybe they call it stewing, or maybe mulling, for example, over what could really be happening. So then what happens? You begin to assume. You start to fabricate this reality that may not really be based on reality, because you had limit... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Exactly, exactly. Yeah, it's really that you can't close that file tab, so to speak. I can't put that in a file and close that, like "I know where that information came from", so that I can move on. So that's really why I think this conversation is valuable. It's like, "Look, we've still gotta... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I'm glad you said "while there", because that's one of your-- one of the things you can't analyze. While something may not be right, we have to do these things while these things still exist. So it's a way to get through things. I like your use of "while there". |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, and really learning how to manage yourself as best you can. There's things that you learn along the way, and ideally, that's the point of going, "Look, we all get to places." Like you said, that going, "Oh, shoot, if only I would have had a little more clarity earlier on, I maybe could h... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. Well, it's somewhat interesting, and maybe you can speak to this, where it's personality types where-- and maybe it's a learned thing. So it's a skill. Obviously, communication is a skill, but there's some people who are more or less prone to communicate well. I don't know how best to frame th... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. In saying that, that highlights where we're headed in terms of how do we get better clarity, and it really starts with awareness. Awareness of myself, so that I can interface. If I move backwards, my ability to name things and articulate what's going on, and then use that data to advocat... |
There's no understanding of "Well, no, that time I was hanging out with my friends, and I got on this raft, and we weren't tethered, and I floated." So that you want to start by reflecting on what's important to you, where are you trying to go? I think we've said in earlier episodes, people talk about the time right no... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. Well, having awareness of yourself and then knowing what you want is a twofer. You have to begin with awareness. So one, be aware that you-- it begins with awareness. And then the other part, which is knowing what you want, is the work involved. One is knowledge, be aware. Two is work, know wh... |
I have a user experience design background, where in a past life further back in my career I used to design interfaces. I still do, but just less so as a primary thing I do. But I'm always thinking about user experience, which generally is like a flow. They begin here, they go here, they go there, they need this inform... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** For sure, for sure. Because you're going, "If this, then that. If this is who I am, then this is going to be fit; fit or not fit." I can think about big decisions, career decisions I made when I was like, "That does not fit at all where I'm going." And then really shallow examples, even in ter... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yes. That's an interesting one where someone else is choosing your clothes for you; that's a whole different subject to some degree. But that takes us a science, maybe an AI or an art that can predict based upon some attributes, what you like. That's what we're trying to do when we assume. Those are... |
I think that, if you don't have clarity in any situation, you're operating from this position of assumption, which generally has negative results. Assumption is not clarity. Clarity is clarity, and you can operate on firm footing, take that next front step. As we said before, with anxiety, you pull back those anxious p... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, for sure. I loved this quote by Jeremy Bryan in an article. He said, "The aim of knowing yourself is to connect with the future and understand your contribution to it." So know yourself is like, "I have this understanding of who I am, both past, present and future, and recognizing how I ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That is interesting, because we were talking about that with this predicting the future, which is a variation of trying to know it. Predicting, knowing... You're trying to look to the future for this awareness of where you want to go. so it does require some future thinking. I love that idea of how ... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. It's interesting, just with this when-- I remember, as an adolescent, whenever I would ask my parents if I could do something, I had to answer all those questions of, "Who are you going to be with? What are you doing? Where are you going to be? How long are you gonna to be there?" I had ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** One counterpart of this and a show prior to this on conflict... When you don't have clarity, conflict tends to ensue. Often, conflict - its little counterpart is assumptions and lack of clarity. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Sure. Yeah, exactly. Because you can have assumptions and go, "This is just the way that I expect people to relate, or what I expect them to do," and then I have to be like, "Oh, wait. Now you're not doing it. Now we have a problem, because I thought, and you didn't," which is interesting beca... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Not 99%. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Nope. Not 50-50. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Not 98%. Exactly. Yeah, I mean... I learned from a friend, similar to this, a while back... It was essentially like, I was upset with somebody, let's just say. I don't know how to how to frame the word upset, but I just wasn't happy with the outcome. And I was sharing my concerns and frustrations wi... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. While I can imagine that might initially be a little jolting or frustrated-- |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It was... It was. It was a brand new concept for me to learn in leadership. It was a brand new concept. So when I heard that for the first time, I was like-- exactly, it was hard to take. It didn't sit well at first. I was like, "But you're right. But you're right." |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. I think about this differentiating people can be dishonest or lie in terms of omission or commission. If I literally tell you I'm somewhere I'm not, then that's a lie of commission. But if I just leave it out, it's like, I just omitted it. That happens so much, so much in relationships w... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. According to Steve, something he says too is that clarity isn't something that arrives from outside of you. So back to the ownership and responsibility, Steve says "Clarity isn't a matter of luck, either. Clarity is what you create for yourself. Clarity is a decision." |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yes. I love this, because he talked about it even further in a post he did, which we'll share, and he says "The word decide comes from the Latin dēcīdere, which means to cut off from." So I think we end up in ambivalence like, "Oh, I want to hedge my bets, so I keep all avenues open." But he's... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** FOMO... Yeah. I think it's funny how-- I think it's wild how all these mix together. We're talking about clarity in communication, but then it leads to decision-making, which actually comes from quality thinking, which leads you essentially to focus. So in this dēcīdere - you got the Latin enunciati... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, I think it's super helpful. I like to think about this like pruning, in terms of rosebushes. I'm like, "Oh, well, I don't want to cut them back. I don't want to cut them down, because I like them," and it's like, "Yes. But you want to optimize and cut back, so that the best ones are the ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Somewhat of an aside... Derek Severs is well known for quoting this, or coining this phrase... And I'm going to paraphrase it, because we may have parents with children listening or we want this to be a younger demographic friendly, so I'm going to paraphrase it by saying "heck". He says, "When maki... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. So with this, using visualization as a tool can really help us create and get better clarity in our lives. I remember when I was making a significant professional decision around where I was going to do an internship or residency, and I was deliberate around picturing it. So I looked at ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I like how that keys off of a future show we might do, which we're brainstorming at least, around dreams and goals. That's just what that's like. And I like your aspect of trying it on in your mind. |
So often do we have to make a decision or go around, or dēcīdere, and we've gotta do that at some point, cut something off and go a direction. So often do we just roll with it, without really examining the data. Some of that comes from this idea of seeking wisdom from others, so finding clarity through wisdom. But some... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. I think a lot of people actually, instead of trying to do things or make choices that resonate or fit for them, they actually are more prone to contort or conform themselves, amputate aspects of themselves to make themselves fit whatever professional context or goal... We've talked about... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Well, I think there's a lot of wisdom to try it on. Try it on for a day, or whatever the aspect might be... Because in a sales situation, or when you're buying something, the person who's the consultant might say, "Is this a fit?" So you mentioned from a position of physical fitting dresses - we're ... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. Because you know yourself and what you like and what you're willing to even barter. In the case of two competing things like, "Well, I like A and I like B, and I'm not sure I'm ready to fully cut one off," and so going, "Okay, (you can picture) if I stay with both of these, what is that ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Something else Steve had said too was explore and experiment, which definitely keys off of our idea of-- I think it's more your idea and I adopted it completely, because I love the idea, which is be your own scientist. I've done that in my own life, and I've seen great results by it. It requires thi... |
I think now even, too -- I'm a dad, and there's choices I want to make, or choices that I've desired to make that were just simply dreams, not so much real goals, because I got a family and the things I want to do in my life are optimizing for all about family, and these two boys and my daughter and what life is like t... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. So I'm glad you mentioned that because I think that as we're having the conversation, for people to put on different lenses as they're going, "How does this apply to me and where I'm trying to go? Is it just in a professional sense, developing clarity? Or is it in a relational sense? Wha... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. Brian Tracy is somebody I listen to too, as well. He's famous for writing the book, Eat That Frog! |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Love it. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** ...that some people like - or love in your case - and some people totally hate. They're like, "No, that's not right. I tried to eat that frog for many years or for a sustained amount of time, and it didn't work for me," and that's just the case. It's not going to work for everybody. But very much li... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Right. So with this, it's important that -- clarity might really just be on the desired goal or outcome. But the how - the how can change, because movement is key. Just going, "I just want to practice moving. Any progress is better than no progress. So I might go on a little side route, but ma... |
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